interpretable_features_SAE16.json

[
  {
    "feature_id": 1236,
    "label": "The feature represents intense self-loathing, feelings of worthlessness, and pervasive personal failure.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6434537990597571,
    "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778,
    "freq": 0.22086147840563347,
    "mean_pos": 5.923957824707031,
    "top_texts": [
      "im stuck. i keep failing. i hate myself. im truly losing hope i cant believe myself. again and again i keep disappointing others and myself. it doesnt stop. my feelings of sadness and inadequacy are constantly on my mind with seemingly no escape. it must be something demonic taking over me, ive never felt this strongly about myself. why would my boyfriend love me. i dont understand. why dont people take me seriously. it seems my sadness doesnt matter. its all in my head.  itll pass. theres nothing trrruuullly wrong with me...according to my parents. \nbut then why. why am i always on the verge of tears. why do i feel so hopeless like nothing can save me from my fate of embarrassment, sadness, not feeling good enough, not reaching my potential whatever that is, not feeling or being able to love others like they should be loved. \ni still feel like everyone is better than me. i dont feel like i can think for myself. im sick and tired of it. i hardly ever feel valued or loved truly. i hide it inside bc when i let it out, nothing changes. im still the same person i hate everyday. i honestly would rather die than be alive right now. i cant do anything for anyone. people try to encourage me that this isnt so. i dont believe it. i know whats in my heart. theres things i want to do, but i cant do them. i dont remember anything, im stupid, i am irritable and annoying. whats the point in life when im like this. i think there would be a better dynamic without me. when i came back home from being gone for so long, i felt like maybe my family had a better time without me. like they didnt need me anyway. at the same time, i take things people say about me seriously. i know theres some truth in what people are saying jokingly about me. it wouldnt be funny if that werent so right? i really wish i could rely on God and that he will help me through this. i dont know what to do. i have a month of being inside my house with no work and my family home. this might be a chance for me to get better and thats my only hope...but again i dont know where to start. my brain is in such a big fog i cant even think clearly. not even sure if this post made sense",
      "i’m tired of crying life just gets worse anyways. i’m so tired of myself i wish someone more happy and smart would have my place, someone who actually fits in. \neveryone around me are so nice, cheerfull. everyday i see people i used to know, watching everyone reconnect is very strange i just wonder how when i can’t even connect with myself anymore and that looks like a child’s play for them.\ni’m just tired. very tired. \nis life coming with more bad then good? \ni don’t know \ncan i take much more?\ni hope so\nwhy is everyone giving up on me from no where? \nMy life isn’t even mine anymore i’m just doing shit bc it’s how it has been, how it should be, how i wanted it to be . i just wanna be in a coma for 1 year, wake up see if anything has changed, if people have changed, if i really want this . \ni’m just so lost and confused and scared. i’m scared and i can’t even tell anyone not even here. I DONT WANT TO TALK, i’m just wasting my time.",
      "I just want to die. I’m not a good person.  I’m a horrible daughter, sister, girlfriend, and friend.  I’m literally nothing.  I’d kill myself, but I know it’ll hurt my family.  They’ve been through so much already, I don’t want to hurt them more. The problem is I’m so fucking tired.  I’m tired of holding in my feelings. I’m tired of pretending I’m fucking okay. I’m tired of crying every fucking night. I just want to be happy, but it’s so fucking hard.  I feel like I’m in this dark hole that I just can’t crawl out of.  Every time I think I’m getting better, something else just comes up.  Like I’m not allowed to be fucking happy or something. I hate this. "
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4544,
    "label": "The feature represents the conceptual definition and personal categorization of depression.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5457667779684263,
    "pred_f1": 0.7407407407407407,
    "freq": 0.1336611875466427,
    "mean_pos": 9.675175666809082,
    "top_texts": [
      "Depression but no sleep issues? I’m coming to terms with possibly having depression (instead of just being a terrible person) but am hung up on not fitting perfectly into the depression box. Do any of you have depression but sleep just fine? The only aspects of my sleep that are poor would be the occasional upsetting dream or very infrequently waking up earlier than I’d like to. Otherwise, I fall asleep very quickly and sleep deeply. \n\nThanks!",
      "Depression through Hate? Depression is commonly associated with extreme sadness but what if that sadness is formed through hatred of yourself?",
      "What is Depression (for Me)? Depression is sleeping until the last possible moment, before I’d be late for a job without fulfillment. \n\nDepression is daydreaming about a better career, a better life, and a happier version of myself - but never having enough energy to pursue it. \n\nDepression is getting home and taking a nap right after work.\n\nDepression is losing 60 lbs, getting in shape, and still not being satisfied.\n\nDepression is being told I’m smart, funny, attractive - and wanting to be someone else. \n\nDepression is finding waking up regretting another night spent with a woman I don't know, and won't ever care about.\n\nDepression is best friends with my anxiety. \n\nDepression is fueling my nicotine addiction. \n\nDepression is overeating or not eating enough. \n\nDepression is my failed engagement, and countless relationships. \n\nDepression is being too busy for my friends, while I watch a show I won’t remember.\n\nDepression is never feeling like I quite fit in any social situation. \n\nDepression is the product of my parents multiple divorces, and getting shamed for who I spent the holidays with.\n\nDepression is replaying all the mistakes in my head, and being stuck in nostalgia.\n\nDepression is not wanting to go to bed at a reasonable time, because I’m afraid to start a new day. \n\nDepression is “what’s the point?”"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 98,
    "label": "The feature represents the personal experience, efficacy, and side effects of psychiatric medication.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7263519487445207,
    "pred_f1": 0.75,
    "freq": 0.11500411412388296,
    "mean_pos": 8.996967315673828,
    "top_texts": [
      "How did you concede to the fact that you NEED medication to be an effective human being? I'm naturally stubborn, and I realize that I get in my own way when on certain days I try to convince myself I don't need to take my meds, but then on those days I realize I get absolutely nothing done, and the cycle of self loathing just begins once again.\n\nI think for myself the difficult part is getting my mind around the fact that in order to be the best version of myself I need to stay medicated... but then on the other hand I dislike the fact that I can't be effective on my own. \n\nSo basically how do you guys contend with yourselves everyday and make yourself feel comfortable relying on medication, because ultimately you know you're better off for it? ",
      "How has medication helped you? I'm going to be taking meds for the first time and I'm so scared.. Are they worth it?",
      "List the weird effects your meds have on you I take vyvance (I probably spelt it wrong). And when I take my meds it activates a chain of events, for the first 4-6 hours I spend obsessing over the thing I was doing when my meds first kicked in, than I have a 1-2 hour period where everything bores me and I sit at my computer doing absolutely nothing, than, finally my meds wear off and if I happen to be excited about something I will turn into a mumbling mad man."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 205,
    "label": "The feature represents the navigation of interpersonal relationships and daily life challenges specifically through the lens of an ADHD diagnosis.",
    "pearson_r": 0.9343111332577456,
    "pred_f1": 1.0,
    "freq": 0.07598691134541419,
    "mean_pos": 11.107748031616211,
    "top_texts": [
      "'Ideal' partner for someone with ADHD? With social distancing measures in place, I've found myself with a lot more time to spend on introspection. I've been reflecting on what would be the best partner for someone with ADHD - someone who also has ADHD, someone who doesn't and who we can be influenced by?\n\nI  (31F) was diagnosed approximately two years ago, which made SO much sense - although I have a very successful career (litigation attorney) and did well in school, I always noticed that it required so much effort for me to concentrate, avoid distractions, complete/follow through on tasks, and get organized. I harboured a lot of feelings of guilt, laziness and inadequacy. I was working all the time to get my work tasks done and felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. I consumed a lot of caffeine products to help my concentration, but then suffered from lack of motivation, discouragement, and at times turned to alcohol for consolation.\n\nSince my diagnosis I've been taking medication and working with a cognitive behavioural therapist to develop tools to make my life easier. We also have many discussions regarding self-acceptance and how to show more compassion toward myself - I keep wanting to \"fix\" myself rather than just accepting who I am - the good and the bad sides! \n\nI haven't been in a relationship since my diagnosis. When my last boyfriend and I broke up, he commented that he found it frustrating that I seemed to never get to certain tasks - 'I don't get it, you just have to DO IT.' I didn't know how to explain at the time that this was much more difficult for me than it was for him. He was a disciplined and simple-minded person - for him, you have to-do list and you get through it. It was as simple as that.\n\nI do feel like my high-functioning ADHD contributes to making me a unique person - although I have the typical issues that come with ADHD, my brain is also spectacular for certain things. I am able to analyze large and complex amounts of information and come up with creative and practical solutions very very quickly (although there needs to be an 'urgency' that obliges me to hyperfocus and get it done). I am at the same time a very rational, analytical, structured business person, but can also be passionate, intense, emotional. These contradictory qualities seem to make it easy for people to like me and get attached - despite being very talented professionally, I'm open about my flaws and struggles. I also have a natural talent for public speaking and negotiating, and am good around people. This has allowed me to progress in my career at a very fast pace. \n\nIn relationships or when I like someone, I tend to hyperfocus on them. I want to know everything about them and contribute to their happiness. I take initiative and come up with crazy fun ideas, which they find extremely attractive. But my brain can also be all over the place...\n\nConsidering this, I've been reflecting on what the 'ideal' partner would be for me - obviously I will be very open about my diagnosis and promote dialogue and understanding. \n\nBut what kind of partner would help make my life easier? And what kind of person would 'choose' someone with ADHD and be able to appreciate them for who they are? In your experience - have you typically been able to find more common ground with someone who also has ADHD? Or, would being around someone that is more organized and disciplined be a positive influence? Would we be 'balancing out' the other person (if that makes sense)? \n\nI know that everyone is different and that there isn't going to be a general guideline, but would be curious to hear your thoughts and experiences!! Cheers.",
      "Any good videos on what it’s like to have ADHD to show friends/family? Does anyone have any go-to videos to show people who might not get what it’s like to have ADHD? Not just a description of symptoms, but more  of a personal or creative explanation. \n\nThanks!",
      "Is cuddling out of the question? My husband and I have been together for 3 years, and married for 6 months. He has ADHD, and was diagnosed in college, and is now managing it very well (was on meds, but now is mostly self-managing). He’s an incredibly smart, interesting, funny, and all around awesome guy — and we have a great relationship all around.\n\n\nThe ONE (very minor) issue I have is: I’m a HUGE cuddler, but he has a 2 min (max) threshold for cuddles — unless he’s tired. Does anyone have any tips or tricks for cuddling someone with ADHD? \n\n\nI’m not sure whether it’s a him thing, or an ADHD thing (guessing so, as his reasoning is that he can’t sit still long enough to enjoy the cuddle), but wanted to ask you all and get some advice.\n\n\n(As an FYI: our current solution is cuddling and ‘tapping out’ when needed, and we got a dog who takes the brunt of most of my cuddle needs.)"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 136,
    "label": "The feature represents discourse regarding the clinical classification, diagnostic validity, and public perception of Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) and psychopathy.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6299227123135186,
    "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778,
    "freq": 0.13295317552957386,
    "mean_pos": 5.792000770568848,
    "top_texts": [
      "I hate the idiots that try to romanticize personality disorders.  People with them usually have a lot of problems with day to day life but if we are being honest this disorder deserves it’s fair share of stigma.  Not everyone with ASPD is a serial killer but most are not exactly great people either",
      "I don't get the point of removing a psychiatric disorder just because the \"majority\" of people who fall under the diagnostic criteria \"don't harm themselves\". That is not a sufficient argument to me, especially towards a disorder that has little to no research done outside of the prison population when you can in fact not apply the behavioural issues of the prison population with the rest of the population, hence very skewed data regarding ASPD compared to other Cluster B disorders such as BPD that are researched outside of prison. \n\nI feel like the whole point of this argument is a lack of desire to fix the problem regarding ASPD and people who have it: stereotyping, stigmatising, refusal to assist, blaming the person with trauma instead of trying to understand them and accommodate to their needs. \n\nI know people who were abused by psychiatric staff based on stigma regarding the disorder, not because of their actions. \nRemoving the disorder from the DSM is not solving the problem. You can't just slap \"anger issues, no questions asked\" on someone who fits the criteria because ASPD is more complex than just anger issues. \n\nEspecially when it comes to comorbid disorders, ASPD takes a major role in how other comorbidities display themselves in a person, so just removing it from the DSM is just not acknowledging these differences and just adding further issues towards recovery for the patient. \nYou can't tell me that Depression in someone with ASPD acts the exact same way as with someone with Avoidant Personality Disorder. It just doesn't make any fucking sense. \n\nIt's also pretty much a stereotype that people with ASPD \"Don't want help\" or \"refuse to go to therapy\", it's quite the opposite. Also the criteria that someone with ASPD has a criminal background needs to be removed. I have the disorder and I have zero criminal record. In my country we use the ICD-10 which doesn't list criminal activity as a criteria point for ASPD whatsoever. It just further stigmatises the disorder instead of helping the person struggling with it. \n\nAnd oh we *do* struggle with this disorder, just a lot of people online pretend they don't because they fail to admit that they are repressing their emotions because their trauma told them to do so. \n\nASPD isn't fun to have and you have just a tiny bit of self-awareness, you have a chance of recovery from trauma and maladaptive, self-sabotaging behaviour. \nThe edgelord cringe on here is painful to watch, you guys aren't God and you aren't special because you have an absolute loser mentality towards self-betterment. \n\n\nTo summarise, the idea to remove ASPD from the DSM is hot garbage by lazy psychologists who don't want to deal with \"difficult patients\".",
      "It’s really not that understudied or misunderstood though, it’s that people ignore the actual research and try to make the disorder into something it’s not.  It’s a really simple disorder to understand actually and I tend to agree with OP it’s got nothing to do with gatekeeping it’s just fucking annoying listening to snot nose punks talk shit online when they would piss themselves in any real life confrontation and who are clearly not disordered at all pretend to have a disorder without suffering from all the mental health issues that come with it or the consequences as such.  \n\nIt’s almost like claiming a gang you ain’t apart of imo you want whatever you think respect comes with it but you didn’t go through shit.  Like ASPD If you haven’t had your life get fucked up by the conditions you probably just don’t have it and are larping.  \n\nPersonally I think it’s a piece of shit diagnosis and no clue why anyone would really want to associate themselves with the disorder if they weren’t forcefully diagnosed and are just trying to sustain without fucking offing yourself in the meantime while you wait for your time to drop dead but that’s just me."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3961,
    "label": "The feature captures the emotional distress and interpersonal conflict associated with romantic relationship instability and breakups.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7449218227513623,
    "pred_f1": 0.8,
    "freq": 0.11421956026713102,
    "mean_pos": 6.741735935211182,
    "top_texts": [
      "Relationship advice needed I don’t know how to feel like...okay. Dang. \n\nHad a really good week, went on a vacation with my family and my boyfriend. Then we went to my boyfriends family’s house for thanksgiving. We all had such a good time. And then today I noticed that my boyfriend and his ex are following each other on Instagram again? \n\nI know I’m silly and I shouldn’t be looking compulsively but I did and I’m shaking and I feel like warm inside and I feel like uncontrollably hyper & like I can’t stop moving and I want to break things & I wanna take a couple shots and I want to get reckless again \n\nAny words of advice will help. I try to be more level headed about things but obviously......\n\nTldr: boyfriend & his ex of several years (childhood sweetheart style) are following each other on IG again and I’m a bigggg baby",
      "How did you ignore your ex-boyfriend/gf after you broke up? My beautiful boyfriend of 5 years has recently broken up with me, but we still live together. He's moving overseas indefinitely in 4 months time. \n\nHe's looking for a room to move out and I find that I'm doing everything I can to convince him to stay with me for the next 4 months - I can't help but desperately cling onto him. Today I found a message he sent to a girl asking about a free room in her sharehouse, but she was super attractive and single. I have kept my cool but man did I cry and cry and cry in  my sleep last night, I don't think it's fair.\n\nWhat are your tips for setting boundaries or ignoring your ex-SO when they want nothing to do with you?",
      "I really REALLY need someone’s advice. I don’t know how i feel about my boyfriend. i don’t want to be with him but i don’t want to leave him and it’s making me so anxious. We met about a month ago online and it felt as though he was perfect. i had just survived my worst suicide attempt and my life had been a nightmare. we started talking and he made me feel so normal and okay. he’s talented, understanding, fun to talk to, very loving and most importantly is extremely understanding when it comes to my mental health.  from the beginning i was okay with his flaws (not physically attractive and clingy) but i was still head over heals talking to him until i started getting really anxious. i got back to my old self and started to feel weird with affection, talks of commitment terrified me and just having to not be alone would make uncomfortable. i talked to him about them and he was understanding but i still feel anxious and agitated. i want that painful solitude i had before him back and now i’m uncontrollably focusing on his cons and i’m nitpicking and completely ignoring all that’s good about him. i am aware that i may be splitting but this has been happening for a week and i’m starting to feel like i hate him. i don’t know what to do and i’m extremely confused . please help.\n\nps. he’s my first boyfriend ever"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 591,
    "label": "The feature detects the presence of third-person female pronouns used in descriptive or narrative contexts.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7088209819594928,
    "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947,
    "freq": 0.08419602365142846,
    "mean_pos": 7.2611470222473145,
    "top_texts": [
      "she is a genuinely nice girl.",
      "she is a genuinely nice girl.",
      "obviously, she's pissed."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2723,
    "label": "The feature identifies explicit suicidal ideation and the formulation of specific plans for self-harm.",
    "pearson_r": 0.642008259716938,
    "pred_f1": 0.8181818181818182,
    "freq": 0.08339233433475574,
    "mean_pos": 7.250506401062012,
    "top_texts": [
      "Need advice I don't want any it'll be fine bs or any uplifting shit. \n\nI just want to know how to commit suicide. I'm fed up of being completely worthless and useless. \nAs painless as possible cause I'm a fucking wimp. \n\nAt the moment I'm planning on just using a knife but it doesn't seem the most efficient way. \n\nIf this is the wrong place then apologies I'll go elsewhere. ",
      "How? How do I tell my mother that i want to kill myself? I want help but I just don’t know what to tell her. \nAbout a year ago i was in hospital for trying to kill myself. It never went away. Even if I didn’t cut anymore the thought of killing myself was in my mind all the time. \nIt still is. \nI just want to be happy. \nI don’t want to go but I know i will feel better if I left.\nHow do i tell her? ",
      "I want to kill myself and think I’m close to acting on it I hate myself and just want to kill myself idk what to really say... took all the pain pills already and can’t find any fuckin poison around my house... can’t go the carbon route because i feel my familly would catch me before I get to finish so I’d have to wait and I don’t want to do that damn it ... idk anything right now"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3002,
    "label": "The feature represents the perception of parents as a source of emotional distress or interpersonal conflict.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7898900911707567,
    "pred_f1": 0.9,
    "freq": 0.08266518685776612,
    "mean_pos": 7.30811071395874,
    "top_texts": [
      "I relate with my dad but my mom was always there, she even worked at my school until 6th grade. My mom joined in with my bullies. My dad’s only flaw as a parent is staying with my mother",
      "Your parents sound like problem parents. They sound controlling and intrusive. I had a mum like this. Nothing will meet their expectations. Please start working with your T on what you want, not what they expect.",
      "I guess I could ask my mom for help, but…..ugh my parents are the least helpful people on the planet. They make everything more difficult."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4976,
    "label": "The feature identifies uncertainty regarding the validity or diagnostic classification of one's own mental health symptoms.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6694090379780474,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
    "freq": 0.11513806234332842,
    "mean_pos": 5.126099586486816,
    "top_texts": [
      "It does appear like it, but it's hard to know without an official diagnosis. There's so much overlap with other disorders or illnesses that it becomes difficult to pinpoint the problem. I think if it's present in all aspects of your life (relationships/school/work) and it's pervasive (all or most of the time), then it's most likely AvPD. There's also the self-isolation component, so if you impose self-isolation: i.e. always being at home, avoiding friends and things of that nature, then it does make sense.",
      "Well it's possible you have BPD traits, even if you don't meet the criteria or it's not strong enough to be considered its own thing in your case.",
      "“Traits of borderline” without actual BPD? Asking because my therapist yesterday had me circle symptoms on a list of BPD symptoms that I’ve had and I circled almost every single one. \n\nShe said “Well, you definitely have the traits of BPD, even if you don’t have the actual disorder”, concluded that I could have BPD but she wants to start me with an antidepressant first for my depression and anxiety, and told me that I should buy a BPD workbook on Amazon to get started helping learn skills. She also said they would figure out in the future if I needed mood stabilizers after seeing how I responded to the Zoloft (there’s also the suspicion I could be bipolar?)\n\nA BPD diagnosis is something the two of us are going to work on more in the future and I trust that we will. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wouldn’t having the traits of BPD mean you actually HAVE BPD? Would it be possible to have the traits without the disorder? Do you think she formally has to rule out other things before diagnosing BPD but maybe she personally believes I probably have it?\n\nJust curious!"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1451,
    "label": "The feature represents the conscious navigation of interpersonal dynamics and the strategic maintenance of social agreeableness.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5268044568716332,
    "pred_f1": 0.7272727272727273,
    "freq": 0.1164392736179414,
    "mean_pos": 5.0574541091918945,
    "top_texts": [
      "Do people really just hate kindness? I really hope that this doesn't come off as self-righteous or snobbish, but man, I don't understand why so many people seem to hate kind-hearted people. The more kind I am to people (especially friends), the more they make me the butt of their jokes and overall shit on me. I buy gifts for people during holidays and birthdays and no one ever buys anything for me. I listen to other talk about their life anf struggles but everyone's distracted or too busy when I need to vent. I get into agreements/deals with people (I have a failed business) and most people don't hold up their end of the bargain, leaving me looking like an idiot. It isn't until I'm pissed and become an asshole that people start to take me seriously, but that's not my real personality so I can't uphold it for long.\n\nIs there something wrong with me? Should I be more of an asshole? Because what seems to be the only thing that works in life for me. I get shit on constantly otherwise.",
      "But I like to think I'm very personable, because I like to make people like me. So I laugh and joke and compliment them, etc. Being mean gets me negative reactions, being nice gives me the key to the city.",
      "I tend to just focus my attention on positive interactions no matter the person. Rude to me? I'll walk away. In the same day, you come up to me and say something neutral or kind? I'll respond kindly. I've noticed the people who say rude things are generally looking for a reaction, when they don't get one, they either avoid you or change their approach. If they continue their rudeness over and over even after no reaction, I'd consider cutting them off if it's a personal relationship, confronting them if they mean a lot to me or reporting them in professional settings."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4898,
    "label": "The feature represents the user's personal evaluation, expectations, or confusion regarding the therapeutic process and the efficacy of the therapist-client relationship.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6555394154923202,
    "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579,
    "freq": 0.06873457203543887,
    "mean_pos": 8.332664489746094,
    "top_texts": [
      "Unfortunately therapists don't really give advice, they guide you towards your own answers for things. They are their to offer support and to help you, help yourself. But she clearly needs a different one if this is happening. Oooor she could be framing things differently to the therapist, and putting herself in the best light so the therapist agrees and validates not knowing the full truth of events. Unfortunately therapists can only go by what the client is telling them, so if she is not being 100% honest about the situations, then no true help can be given - source in therapy for the last many years and have an under Grad in Psych and therapy.",
      "It sounds like you never really wanted therapy, but a place to explore your sexuality. I fear you have conflated the two. A therapist can never be your sexual partner, and I think you would do best stopping therapy with this person, as you have the wrong idea of what therapy is for.",
      "Therapy advice Hi, first off, sorry for my bad English\n\nI've started therapy for adhd a few weeks ago but have no idea how to exploit it. This is new so I still don't have medication. My therapist has not been really helpful, he only gave me advices like getting a diary, putting things in the same place everytime, useless things. Then he told me he wasn't here to give me advice, but to accompany me to try to find solutions that suited me by myself. But I've been doing this without him my whole life and I'm still struggling. So how is it supposed to help to do the same things, only this time I'm telling it to someone who just nod and write stuff down?? \nEventually he said he wanted us to see each other less often since I seem to not know what I expect from therapy. It kind of upset me because I'm lost and I thought therapy would help me understand and finding solutions, but instead I got more questions and more stress. \n\nAnyway, my question is, what do you do in therapy and how you therapist is helping you?? \n\nTL;DR: I'm bad at therapy and I don't know how it is supposed to help me"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2350,
    "label": "The feature represents discussions specifically centered on Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and the lived experiences or interpersonal dynamics associated with the diagnosis.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7634331647200056,
    "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947,
    "freq": 0.05176141908570772,
    "mean_pos": 10.969518661499023,
    "top_texts": [
      "Is it healthy for a BPD person to be friends with another BPD? I don't want to tell the details.",
      "Advise needed for BPD friendship. Hello everyone! I have a friend that has BPD. We know each other since high school and we have been friends for years. During these years our friendship was/is unstable. There were times we were not speaking to each other and times were we were hanging out together. We never had any big arguments and I enjoy our time together. \n\nI am a person who enjoys solitude and to spend time by myself. I also tend to distance people and avoid social interactions when I am stressed. My friend needs a frequent and stable relationship with people because otherwise they feel abandoned. I understand this is a symptom of BPD and we have discussed it frequently.\n\nToday they told me that they thought best if we stopped communicating and that they feel that our relationship is not working out. They said that this is not what they want but they believe it is better this way because none of us will get hurt and asked me if I could think of a better solution.\n\nI really enjoy the company of my friend and I would like to continue our friendship. I am also willing to try to be more social with them. However I do not know whether this is going to be good for them. I understand that they feel abandoned by me and this feeling is very painful to them. But I also know that pushing people away and needing validation is also a symptom of BPD. \n\nMy question is: Would it be best for them for me to try and continue our friendship (to validate them) or for us to end it?\n\nThank you for your time reading this!",
      "everyone with bpd is a god at sex and you can’t change my mind"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 699,
    "label": "The feature represents the subjective process of receiving, processing, or reflecting on a formal mental health diagnosis.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7899462685001275,
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      "How did I go about getting my diagnosis or why did I seek a diagnosis?",
      "Diagnosis won’t give you any real awareness, it’s for the mental health people.  Real awareness comes through doing the hard work in therapy",
      "Yeah that makes sense. I guess for me, it felt like a confirmation of my flaws. If I’m not diagnosed, I’m able to deny those negative parts of myself so I don’t have to confront it, but if I’m diagnosed, it kind of makes it official that I’m a piece of shit and I can’t argue against it anymore. I suppose it’s a bit of a wake up call that I need to put more care and effort into changing."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2212,
    "label": "The feature represents the struggle with social isolation and the difficulty of forming or maintaining interpersonal friendships.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5867810817984221,
    "pred_f1": 0.8571428571428571,
    "freq": 0.0800244933886986,
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    "top_texts": [
      "I lost all my friends I lost all my friends a couple months ago basically by shutting them out. I don’t know how to make new friends and I don’t know how or even if I want to be friends with my old friends again. I know that having no one is making me worse but I don’t know what to do.",
      "Friends flirting can be stressful if you’re worried about losing the friendships, especially if this happens in multiple friendships at once. Even if it’s awkward, having a conversation about these dynamic sifts and your boundaries in these situations is key. Good luck!",
      "I need some friends. Can someone help me get some friends? please and thank you."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4432,
    "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience and self-reflection of living with anxiety.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5314327326007864,
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    "top_texts": [
      "I never had a chance warning rant and language Well fuck you anxiety. Because of you I never had a chance with a woman that I really liked and couldn’t stop thinking about. Because of you I now know I will be forever alone. Fuck you anxiety I hate you and would rather be dead than have you around. Fuck off anxiety no one likes you",
      "So basically anxiety just makes my narcissism worse since I’m so focused on myself and how I appear to other people.",
      "Did my anxiety develop to cope with ADHD symptoms? I tried looking for something similar to this idea but couldn't. \n\nI can remember ADHD symptoms as far as my memories go but anxiety only came when I was in my late teens and got really bad in my early twenties.\n\nI noticed that a lot of my anxiety symptoms seem to be a coping mechanisms to some of my symptoms.\n\nA few examples:\n\n- Studying is hellish and I can barely stand it for 20 minutes, but I'm scared to death of failing and feel like failing one exam is the worst thing that could happen, thinking I had failed 2 exams I could take again made me suicidal a few years ago. As awful as that sounds it's probably the only reason I managed to study enough to pass all my classes and graduate. \n\n- I'm early to everything because for some reasons the idea to be on time or late is painful and unthinkable. This makes me able to be on top of time almost all the time and I don't lose sense of time.\n\nI have more examples, but I can't think of anything else right now.\n\nLet me know what you think."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3800,
    "label": "The feature represents the clinical discussion and personal experience of schizophrenia.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6384667461492143,
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    "top_texts": [
      "The biggest difference in the treatment for schizophrenia vs. schizotypal is the dose of antipsychotics if there are any. Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder while schizotypal is not. That being said, it's the closest thing you can have to a psychotic disorder without actually having a psychotic disorder.\n\nSchizophrenia isn't *all* about hallucinations, that's just one possibility. Delusions (actual delusions, not intrusive thoughts which people often think of delusions) are very common as is disorganized thoughts. Schizotypal will have milder versions of these symptoms. They will have misperceptions rather than hallucinations, magical thinking rather than delusions, and mild thought disorder if present. Noticeable but not complete debilitating like in schizophrenia. A big overlap between STPD and schizophrenia is negative symptoms. They can be very strong in both disorders.\n\nHallucinations in schizophrenia are usually auditory. Visual is quite rare.\n\nI'd recommend talking more with your psychiatrist or getting a second opinion to determine if you are schizotypal or actually schizophrenic. They are similar in some ways but they are two different disorders.",
      "It's absolutely possible to have schizophrenia without hallucinations. That is just one positive symptom, there are also delusions and disorganized thoughts. I have more of the latter two, my hallucinations are pretty rare but they do happen. I don't know anyone else with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder otherwise I'd ask them too.",
      "Oh boy. I have some thoughts. I take it you don't have schizophrenia yourself which is why you're asking about what it's like? Or maybe you do and you're trying to get a different perspective? It's an interesting question.\n\nThe imaginary friends thing might not be super realistic, as you said, because schizophrenia is almost never like the movie A Beautiful Mind with such well formed and conversational visual hallucinations. I can't say it's never happened, but I would be surprised. What is common though is auditory hallucinations and even people having conversations with them. If the idea is a convincing character I would probably make sure the character knows that they are hallucinations and just talks to them anyway, which is more believable. Some people get confused as to whether their auditory hallucinations are real but many of us have ways of reality testing what we hear. They're usually external but internal is common as well, but no less disruptive.\n\nPeople with schizophrenia are often socially awkward and uncomfortable and more withdrawn. Some of it is due to paranoia and some is due to negative symptoms like social anhedonia, alogia, and avolition. They also probably don't talk to their hallucinations around other people, at least not out loud. I personally only talk to mine in my head and even that's somewhat rare - usually only when they're driving me up the wall.\n\nDepending on the phase of schizophrenia there could also be a lack of a filter or speech that doesn't *quite* make a lot of sense but gets the point across. In an acute episode the speech might not make sense at all. When I'm in the acute phase I am usually completely isolated and having a hard time putting thoughts together, much less speech, although the thought disorder usually manifests as writing because that's something I can do alone. It'll jump from topic to topic (tangential) and when I do spend a paragraph or two on something it's very overly elaborate. Even in the residual phase (for many including myself this just means positive symptoms are livable, but not necessarily gone) my thoughts tend to run in loops that will eventually tangent off to something else.\n\nPositive symptoms die down quite a bit in residual phase but negative symptoms stick around strong. With proper treatment someone with schizophrenia will spend most of their time in this phase. Without proper treatment they'll probably end up in the hospital or on the street eventually as their symptoms will usually become blatantly obvious to others. I was one of the lucky few who avoided this but only barely and only because of the self-imposed isolation. I absolutely should have ended up in the ward on multiple occasions (suicidal ideation and planning, incomprehensible rambling, etc.)\n\nIn general my hallucinations are long-term; there's a fairly unbiased narrator/commentator on my thoughts and actions and what's going on in the world around me and there's a more persecutory voice that constantly brings up insecurities and blunders, or just tells me not to trust anyone and they're all lying to me. That being said, just because a schizophrenic has a persecutory hallucination doesn't mean they have to believe it.\n\nFolks typically also have delusions. They can be pretty covert (for lack of a better word) and unnoticed by others at times. Some delusions I've had for long periods of time were things like everyone else knows exactly what they're supposed to do in life and what's going to happen and I need to just pretend to know what I'm doing or else they'll report me to whoever is in charge and put me in the hospital. I think everyone pretends to a certain extent but they don't usually mix a persecutory element into it. I also believed that I could learn the future based on small environmental cues like weather conditions given that such little things about the environment were so noticeable and held such significance, particularly in the earlier phase of the illness. This is called a \"delusion of reference\" and are common for schizophrenics.\n\nA great place to learn what the prodromal and residual phases of schizophrenia look like would be to do some research on something called Schizotypal Personality Disorder. These people are often stereotyped as being \"weird\" as though they're walking around on the street wearing funny costumes, but what they're really like is withdrawn, suspicious, have few good friends, and have negative symptoms of schizophrenia. I would know because this is what my diagnosis was for quite a while before being diagnosed with schizophrenia and a small time later schizoaffective. I would steer clear of using paranoid or schizoid personality disorders as a references since they aren't as closely related to schizophrenia as schizotypal personality disorder.\n\nAnd please don't make this character violent or aggressive. There's a huge and hurtful myth that people in psychosis are dangerous and violent. The truth is that they are likely to be terrified, withdrawn, and sometimes talking nonsense but they are very unlikely to be violent. No more likely than the general population, in fact.\n\nThat's my speech. Hopefully it made sense, and hopefully lots of other people post as well since schizophrenia is different for everyone.\n\nEdit: [Here's a good video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXsDdY6Xo90) explaining the core of schizophrenia."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 4222,
    "label": "The feature detects narrative descriptions of interpersonal interactions and character observations.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6563553682366221,
    "pred_f1": 0.8,
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    "top_texts": [
      "this is the story he told him:",
      "this is the story he told him:",
      "the man has a reputation for being a hardass and tough guy."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 4422,
    "label": "The feature represents the active solicitation and sharing of specific coping mechanisms and self-regulation strategies for managing mental health challenges.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6275101852243664,
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    "top_texts": [
      "Do you have suggestions on how to cope with this mentally? I need a way to figure out.",
      "My coping strategies are grounding techniques, asking friends about my plans, & trying to avoid big decisions during luteal. I also make plans for impulsive decisions. For example, I know that I am definitely going to binge & I might end up cutting my hair at 2 am. So I try best to have a mix of nutritionally balanced & low calorie snacks to help me minimize my reliance on the snacks that are making me struggle with my weight loss journey. & with cutting my hair I have a style picked out before hand & I make sure that it’s something I can manage to do. Also, I wear a lot of hats so worst case scenario I can just wear a beanie lol",
      "I need some help, what are some of your coping mechanisms at school? I am able to cope when I am at home, but at school my thoughts really start to run away. What are ways you guys cope with depressive episodes?"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3831,
    "label": "The feature represents executive dysfunction characterized by task paralysis, difficulty initiating activities, and chronic distractibility.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7217025197117514,
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      "Keep switching tasks I go from hw to music, listen to 15 seconds of the song and then decide to watch a show on Netflix for 30 seconds only to go back to music or walk around my room. \n\nIs there a way not to do this?",
      "Wanted to work on a painting all week to relax, was so excited. Went to look on my phone for my inspiration photo and then spent 2 hours looking through old Facebook posts from 2009 instead... I didn’t want to do that, yet I couldn’t stop. HELP! I have been trying to do things I enjoy during quarantine rather than just work and then organize, clean, etc (aka “be productive”). So today I was dead set on starting a painting for fun. I got on my phone to look for the inspo pic and next thing I know, the afternoon is gone and it’s time to make dinner. \n\nWhat was so frustrating is I didn’t WANT to be looking at Facebook memories!! I really, really wanted to paint. In the first few minutes on Facebook I told myself I was going to be quick and that I really wanted to paint, so I should just close down Facebook. But then I got into such a trance that I don’t even remember consciously wanting to stop and switch tasks. \n\nThis is so frustrating. My day went by and I didn’t do anything “fun”....HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO PROCRASTINATE ON SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO BY DOING SOMETHING YOU DON’T ENJOY?!?!\n\nAny tips on task switching would be appreciated. I seriously suck at it all the time, this just felt especially egregious.",
      "Tips on starting a task?? I struggle a lot with sitting down at my desk and starting a task. When I’m in the “flow” of the task I can focus relatively easily, but the mental effort it takes for me to actually sit down and get into that “flow” is sometimes too much for me to handle, and I end up procrastinating. \n\nRecently, I have not gotten any of my assignments done because of this, and I’m falling behind a lot in school. I know this is a bad habit, and I really, really, want to get my assignments done with, but I always I end up scrolling through Reddit or on YouTube watching things I don’t even want to watch, just to temporarily forget about deadlines and my impending doom.\n\nI really need help. Please give me tips. Thank you."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 1404,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience of personal guilt, remorse, and self-reproach regarding one's past actions or mistakes.",
    "pearson_r": 0.8260708596885977,
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      "It's okay to feel guilt sometimes. You did the wrong thing by giving him those things. Don't let the guilt consume you however, use it to promise yourself you won't do something like that again. You can't change the past, apologise to whoever appropriate and then don't do it again. It's common for people to repeat actions their parents did with them and while it doesn't make it right, it doesn't make you the most awful person ever. Acknowledge how dangerous that situation could have ended up for him, identify why you make this action and work on it, don't do it again and forgive yourself.",
      ">NPD’s struggle to handle that initial pain of admitting their mistake/problem. That initial pain of “wow I’m doing bad in this department. I should be angry at someone, and all I have to be angry at is myself. And I’m guilty and ashamed.”  \n>  ",
      "Oh great...god I’m sorry. Sometimes there is something to be said for being the victim in this scenario...they will always have to live with the guilt of what they did."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 749,
    "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of chronic, identity-defining loneliness and social isolation.",
    "pearson_r": 0.576089218679527,
    "pred_f1": 0.8181818181818182,
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    "top_texts": [
      "Yes. That's why lonely people tend to isolate themselves. Solitude doesn't feel as lonely as being around a bunch of people whom never related to you and never will. ",
      "DAE fall into spirals of depression when they're alone for too long?  I've only recently noticed that whenever I've spent the best part of a day (10 hours) alone I end up feeling like shit. I just end up feeling unmotivated, lonely, unloved and desperate for someone to socialise with me. It's gotten to the point I dread the weekends because i never have plans or it's the 'rest' day of my friends. My friends are all wonderful but they do need their time alone and i respect that. \n\nWhat do you do to avoid falling into the hole of depression when youre alone?? How can i stop it? Why does this happen? God i fucking hate this illness.",
      "Loneliness is addicting... But I know it's just eating me up from the inside, I hate choosing to be alone, but being lonely is the only time I really feel safe; I feel safe from my everyday responsibilities that constantly weigh me down, I feel safe from the outside world, and I feel safe from the people that have hurt me so easily so many times."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3462,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience of persistent, intrusive, or ruminative unwanted thoughts.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5943263990791348,
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      "Heya I can only talk about my experience, but for me the thoughts didn’t go away with any medication, I’m on Ritalin, been on antidepressants, the works. The thoughts are as frequent for me as eating and sleeping annoyingly but it got easier when I stopped giving my thoughts so much weight. For me anyway, it’s helped a lot for me to acknowledge, accept and release my thoughts. Sounds weird but stay with me. It might not be the same for you but for me they are intrusive thoughts. Whether I want to act on them in that moment or not, they are only thoughts. Thoughts like that used to scare me into panic attacks, depressive episodes and even psychosis. Now I start by acknowledging that they are just thoughts and my brain is just extremely overwhelmed. Then once I accept that I’m having these thoughts and it’s awful but temporary, I distract myself to try influence different thinking into my overwhelmed wee brain. For me this looks like going on reddit, messaging people, doing something I enjoy (if I have the energy), eating something, showering, walking etc. When I first tried doing this it took a really long time to completely forget the thought since it was so awful to have in my head at all, but over time it got easier and easier to move forward. Lastly, I’d release these thoughts when I’m feeling good and have no ideation (could be a brief window of time but hey I’ll take it), I reflect on it by writing and/or talking to someone about it. Even when most of the time it’s too complicated to find a cause for the thought, it’s such a relief to get it out and to know I can get through it when I think of it again. I hope this helps at all, just my experience ❤️",
      "I need help I can't stop thinking of death. Since yesterday every train of thought I have ends up on death. \n\nI've always had thought about dead, they've been lying around for years, but since yesterday I just can't stop thinking about it every 10 minutes. \n\nIt's driving me crazier than what I already was and at this point I just want to go to sleep and not have to wake up in a couple of weeks.",
      "not intrusive thoughts, intrusive thoughts are unwanted, uncontrollable thoughts of things that really bother you that you do not want to act on and would never do. These are more like impulsive thoughts or urges."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 4446,
    "label": "The feature represents the specific clinical diagnosis and lived experience of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).",
    "pearson_r": 0.8208943499258262,
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    "top_texts": [
      "PTSD and constant ringing in the ears I was diagnosed with PTSD and panic disorder back in October. I experienced a tramtic event that put me into a black hole and iIam just now starting to feel better. BUT even on my best days, i still experience constant ringing in my ears. It can be a real low frequency to very loud but it is always there. I've been to the ear, nose and throat doctor to make sure it was nothing serious and everything checked out fine but they diagnosed me with Tinnitus.\n\nDoes anyone else with PTSD or Panic disorder have this all the time? Did anyone else's tramatic event set off the ringing?\n\nI appreciate any feedback! ",
      "What it’s like to be a teen with PTSD I’m aware that many teens have PTSD, this is just my experience. I didn’t grow up with PTSD, I was diagnosed with it recently. It’s extremely hard for me to talk to my peers, especially because they make fun of PTSD often. I don’t mind but sometimes they push it too far. I have flashbacks constantly at school and randomly just break out crying even when someone just says hi to me. I do get to work alone in group projects most of the time thankfully due to my PTSD. I normally don’t stay up late especially on school nights, but I’m always scared to sleep. I have nightmares nearly every night relating to what caused my PTSD. I am getting help, but the psychiatrist has an excruciatingly long wait list. It’s hard to get into a relationship with a boy who understands why I don’t talk a lot sometimes. I’m academically talented but private schools don’t necessarily like the fact that I have PTSD and anxiety. Friends never understand it too. “Hah, I must be giving you flashbacks right now!” -my best friend. The more people bring it up, the worse I feel about having it. I use to be happy and had tons of euphoria but now I’m that one quiet girl in your chem class. ",
      "Relatable songs for PTSD My girlfriend has PTSD and I think she feels quite alone in her experiences, I do my best to understand based on what I have read and what she says but I can't relate to what she goes through. So I thought maybe she might like it if I made a mix of songs which captured what she felt, and maybe that catharsis by listening would be a healthy coping strategy.\n\nSo I would really appreciate it if you guys could just suggest songs that you think captures aspects of PTSD experiences.\n\nBased on what I have listened and searched so far, I have two songs so far \nSo Long Sentiment by Celldweller\nCrawling by Linkin Park\n\nThanks "
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3163,
    "label": "The feature represents the struggle with emotional regulation, specifically the conflict between emotional suppression, detachment, and the experience of intense, overwhelming affect.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7539370349250519,
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      "I just… start crying, I don’t do emotional crying, the way is to just do the thing you said and not to blink for a moment and here you go -got yourself crying",
      "I haven’t cried in probably 8-9 years, I tend to suppress my emotions and they leak out in unhealthy ways but when I do get emotional it’s overwhelming and really uncomfortable",
      "Idefk man Is crying like a lil bitch better than being devoid of any emotion?\nAt least its emotion, right?\nor not\nidk\nhelpmepls\n"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 2980,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience and management of intense, sudden, or dysregulated anger.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5503688576505337,
    "pred_f1": 0.7,
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    "top_texts": [
      "Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).",
      "Sudden overwhelming anger with no cause? Sometimes I will be studying in the library, when out of nowhere I'm hit with this surge of rage that makes me want to scream or cry. For a few seconds, I can't really think of anything else but this immensely uncomfortable feeling inside the pit of my stomach. It's never directed at anyone and I do not lash out. I just sit there fidgeting and clenching my feet, become incredibly restless .\n\nUsually I will walk around a bit and then go to the bathroom which somehow seems to help even if I don't need to use it. Idk why. Maybe that is a TMI but does anyone else have sudden fits of inwardly directed rage with no cause or conclusion? It just kind of goes away and I can continue with my life.\n\nI rarely feel this kind of anger, even when someone is irritating me or making me upset. THe closest I've had to this in the past is when I am cooking something that doesn't turn out the way I expected it to. I get really mad and then smoosh it all up which makes me feel better. Super random and illogical but yeah.",
      "Sudden overwhelming anger with no cause? Sometimes I will be studying in the library, when out of nowhere I'm hit with this surge of rage that makes me want to scream or cry. For a few seconds, I can't really think of anything else but this immensely uncomfortable feeling inside the pit of my stomach. It's never directed at anyone and I do not lash out. I just sit there fidgeting and clenching my feet, become incredibly restless .\n\nUsually I will walk around a bit and then go to the bathroom which somehow seems to help even if I don't need to use it. Idk why. Maybe that is a TMI but does anyone else have sudden fits of inwardly directed rage with no cause or conclusion? It just kind of goes away and I can continue with my life.\n\nI rarely feel this kind of anger, even when someone is irritating me or making me upset. THe closest I've had to this in the past is when I am cooking something that doesn't turn out the way I expected it to. I get really mad and then smoosh it all up which makes me feel better. Super random and illogical but yeah."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1640,
    "label": "The feature represents the cognitive and emotional processing of death, mortality, and bereavement.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5616727560866218,
    "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765,
    "freq": 0.0532539849595285,
    "mean_pos": 6.317188739776611,
    "top_texts": [
      "I find that not a lot of people are particularly comfortable with death, even though it's a very inevitable part of our lives. Because of this, I think we need more people who are comfortable and equipped to be there during that time. Thank you for answering all of these questions!",
      "I don't feel anything, when i was younger i would say \"oh well we all die\" but now days i say \"I'm so sorry to hear that, how do you (the person that told me that) feels?\" Like an emotional support thing , it's works, i don't take it in an emotional way and never mainly because i was used to death and the feeling that everybody dies around me, but people will treat you as a monster if you do that, so pro tip emotionally support them don't say to them \"lol everybody dies\"",
      "While I understand that paranoia isn't always rational, it could be helpful to think of your experiences. When someone has died in your life, did you see all of their mistakes? Most likely not. Human beings have the same capabilities to an extent so Noone will be able to see this when you pass"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 899,
    "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of persistent effort and struggle in overcoming personal challenges or behavioral patterns.",
    "pearson_r": 0.8154919089821473,
    "pred_f1": 0.8181818181818182,
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      "I'm doing it, I am pushing myself harder to use less. But it's hard af.",
      ">The point I took is this: sometimes you try very hard to accomplish something and it seems to not work out. But it still ends up helping you. \n>",
      "It is not easy. Not at all actually. But it is nowhere near impossible."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 1567,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience and internal processing of intense, persistent hatred or resentment.",
    "pearson_r": 0.778351543053667,
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      "' by now, a small intense knot of hatred swelling in my stomach.",
      "I've been working on my hatred for the past few months, since i \"officially\" left Christianity, but the more i am trying to not hate them, the more they are reaffirming my beliefs of why i should hate them",
      "As far as hatred goes, I would say that I carry a lot of it within. I hate people who inflict injustices onto others, I hate people who try to justify the injustices, and I hate people who are aware of injustices and have the power to stop them but choose not to."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1612,
    "label": "The feature captures existential anxiety and self-perception related to aging and life-stage milestones.",
    "pearson_r": 0.8900427175814677,
    "pred_f1": 0.9473684210526315,
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    "top_texts": [
      "25 isn't old and don't let anyone let you feel that way. tht is a very young age, you are just barely starting life. just do what you want to do and don't care what anyone thinks.",
      "this is what happens if you are living in a country where youth age range only lasts until 25. in Korea women get married at 30s and no one bats an eye.\nthe youth  age range for UK last until 30. \nSpain , there are many 30 year old women just settling down.\nI'd say move. you definitely deserve better.\ni personally am really glad I live in a country where the youth age range lasts until 30, so at 26 you still have time.\na 28 year old was called the younger generation in my country and they assume anyone in their 20s are still in their prime, while the whole 'brain development at 25' theory tht is popular in America right now are taken to extremes to the point people literally think 25-29 isn't young. it's definitely messed up mindset.",
      "I always had the misperception that it's an older person's disease then what do you know I'm diagnosed at 25 told I've had it since 22. Turns out that late teens to early thirties is the primary age of onset."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 116,
    "label": "The feature represents experiences of physical violence, assault, and direct interactions with law enforcement.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7062246413923225,
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      "Summa summarum: I got attacked by two guys, without any provcation. My nose broke, so even if i didn't want to make a charge, the police automatically makes a charge since it's agravated assault, since a bone broke -this is the law here-. I don't really want to talk much about it, because it \"triggers\" me. So, one day my phone rings, and a police officer called me, that i need to go to the police station to a so called \"confrontation\". I was like what?",
      "During the walk she made a lot of threats about how she was going to call the police, put me in jail, even try to get me deported (I'm a LPR.) She gets vindictive like this but usually calms down. Due to the threats I called the police to ask their advice. The officer wanted me to give him her information and I declined. Short story, he gave me two options.",
      "Call 911 or whatever hot line you have and get yourself to an hospital (so there are a lot of witnesses) and stay there, also can drive yourself to a police station and ask them for help, tell them you are afraid for your life and someone is after you"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 5026,
    "label": "The dilemma of whether or not to disclose a mental health condition or diagnosis to others.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5358172841391321,
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      "I haven’t been open about it to anyone except my best friend, who suspects she may have ASPD. It’s my own personal preference to remain secretive to everyone (including family and my partner) because I know the stigma would cause too many problems for my life. It’s ultimately up to you who you decide to tell and why though. Just consider whether the benefit of transparency outweighs the potential (very real) negative consequences of stigma.",
      "I can say, I can see why you’re happy about it OP. You must be happy to know yourself more. But I suggest keeping it to yourself unless it’s required to say anything. It hasn’t negatively affected my life yet, but I haven’t told any irl people",
      "So far I haven’t regretted telling anyone. So far, only my mom knows, and my partner knows. Both of them are very understanding about it. With my partner knowing, it helps her understand some of my internal experiences, and it allows me to be completely open and honest with her so we can maintain good communication and trust. Honesty has been vital in helping my relationship with her remain healthy and positive."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 4286,
    "label": "The desire or act of physically escaping, leaving, or relocating from a distressing environment or situation.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7524125505377897,
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    "top_texts": [
      "For those people were have just \"up and left\" your current situation, what did you do and how did you do it? Were you successful? NOTE - You don't NEED to read this text, it is simply my backstory and why I, personally, would like to \"up and leave.\" I'm looking for a deep, VARIETY of answers , not necessarily just those that are similar to my reasoning. \n\nWith that being said...\n\nI am at my wit's and my patient's end, I am anxious all the time and when the waves of depression hit, they are almost unbearable (yes, to THAT extent) .  I do have a few friends in Florida, and California and I am blessed to have the ability to make friends easily wherever I go and with just about anyone, fortunately. I am relatively talented, I work hard, generous and caring, finished college. My only drawback is that I have around $6000 worth of debt. \nAnd yes, guys and gals, I realize that, fr from a third party POV, this post sounds like I'm just spoiled and complaining, but I promise that, if you knew and understood all of the circumstances, you would at least sympathize a little bit (I hope). \nAnyway, rest assured that I wouldn't be selfish about just dipping out. Meaning that I would say my goodbyes to friends and family, I would settle up with those necessary, and make sure that I didn't leave any harmful loose ends when I leave. \nI just feel HORRIBLY trapped, I feel like I'm literally WASTING my life and all potential and EVERYTHING that I could offer to the world. I guess a selfish aspect for my wanting to leave is that I really, truly feel like I'm losing myself, like I'm just in the stagnant doldrums with any opportunity for a different, more fulfilling life is being ripped from me while I helplessly let it happen around me.\n \nNow that I'm done with that depressing description, back to the matter at hand. \n\nHOW did you leave? WHHAT was your process? WHERE did you go? WHAT did you plan ahead of time? And most importantly, was it successful? \n\nOf note:\n- I'm a middle class white male\n-have college degree\n-i have a car, but it's currently broken\n-single\n-adopted when I was two days old\n-was just laid off for reasons out of my control\n-dream job would be in healthcare sales/pharm sales\n\n\n",
      "Yes. I left when I was 29 years old, but it was a very difficult process. To be honest, I left because my dad said that my life was over. I was mistreated at home pretty often, so I just left. I had enough of it. I was trying to leave since I was like 20, but the AvPD held me back. It took a lot of courage to leave, but I guess my feelings were also hurt, so I was acting impulsively as well.",
      "Abuse is never ok and anyone's decision to leave a narcissist is one that must be safe given their unpredictable nature and, again, because they have actual damage to their brains."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3629,
    "label": "The feature represents the explicit conceptualization and discussion of \"mental health\" as a formal category of well-being.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5552151875858653,
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      "For sure. And mental health is the biggest lagging sufferer because we don't know that much about it still.",
      "Yes. Mental health is just as important as physical health. ",
      "Relationships and mental illness Am I the only one that experiences that my mental illnesses always manage to ruin my relationships? It's not that my partners get scared off due to my mental illness, but due to the fact the way my mental illnesses make me act."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 4493,
    "label": "The feature represents the internal experience of deep-seated personal worthlessness and self-perceived inferiority.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6951149712278285,
    "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778,
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      "How do I live with myself if I'm convinced that I am utterly worthless and replaceable? Seriously, in my mind I know that I am worthless and I know that no sane person would ever end up wanting to be in a relationship with me because I'm so subpar.\n\nLike, why should anyone choose to be with me if there are plenty of people who are better looking, smarter, funnier, have money and an unproblematic family life? Just because I can be loving and listen to their problems? lol \n\nI hate myself. It's as simply as that. And I'm not even doing so bad nowadays, I'm slowly getting myself out of the pit I am in, yet there are times like this where I just don't see any reason to go on. I don't want to be alone my whole life, yet I can't stop and realize that no one would ever willingly want to be with me.\n",
      "Feeling inferior to literally everyone except the people you split on? I don’t understand it lol. I always feel subhuman, like every other human being is inherently better and more worthy of living than I am because I’m less than human or something. I’m pretty reserved because of it, like I’m scared to talk to anyone because everyone is on a pedestal above me and doesn’t deserve the displeasure of interacting with me and all that bs. \n\nThen I split on someone, and I suddenly feel superior to them. Possibly because I start to notice all the subtle, undesirable things about them, or just any of their undesirable traits that I had ignored before because I was too busy glorifying them. \n\nThen I feel bad, like “I’m a piece of shit so how am I better than this person?” But that mindset doesn’t cease anyway. I can never manage to put myself on the same level as anybody - I’m either a much better and more superior person, or far worse and I don’t deserve to live.",
      "Dealing with Feelings of Worthlessness I have always been harsh on myself. I know this. But if I'm not extremely demanding of myself, my life falls apart. I can't seem to keep on top of basic everyday things let alone anything as challenging as self improvement (thank God for automatic bill pay - now if only I could automate laundry).\n\nI know life is hard but it just gets so old to try and try and try and try until you finally get just a tiny bit of progress and then it turns out you forgot to do something. That tiny bit of progress is over shadowed by the failure to finish something else.\n\nIt makes you feel like such a worthless loser. A child trying to fake their way as an adult. It makes you feel like a lost cause. A perpetual case of \"could be's.\" But never being anything more than a failure of something. Even when you manage to do something else.\n\nHow do you guys manage feeling worthless? How do you handle reasonable criticism from others (normal healthy criticism) without going into an internal tail spin?"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 1214,
    "label": "The feature detects the ordinal concept of \"first\" in a temporal or sequential context.",
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      "first day of school.",
      "the police and fire trucks got their first.",
      "the police and fire trucks got their first."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 4978,
    "label": "The feature represents the internal struggle to define, experience, or conceptualize the nature of love in the context of mental health or personality disorders.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7366963546722229,
    "pred_f1": 0.9,
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    "top_texts": [
      "That's not how it works. What you described for me is more of the \"love\" used to also described things. I might \"love\" my new phone, but I'll quickly start hating it when it cracks its screen or starts lagging. \n\nI have the same thing with people I \"love\" them while they're useful and make me feel good, but I will quickly get aversion if they start bothering me with their own problems. But I suppose it's not the sense of \"love\" OP with asking about.",
      "Don't believe it when they say 'you can't love others unless you love yourself' That kind of thinking only cuts you off from a path that might aid your recovery.  Of course, being able to love yourself would be huge, I'm in no way trying to discourage that. But, when depressed, it can very hard, often impossible to love yourself.  Even in the darkest pit of self-loathing, you are still capable of loving if you open yourself to it.  Start with an animal, a pet if you have one.  If you don't, go to an animal shelter, even if you can't adopt one, and spend time with the animals.  Animals are much easier to love because they don't judge and their capacity for accepting love seems endless.\n\nTake care of yourself and support each other.  We’re all in this shit together.",
      "Not to be all dramatic, lol, but when I was young trying to love my father was a dead end. He vaguely liked the version of me that didn't cause *him* any stress. And that's what I learned love is: when you give enough to keep the other person off your back, and they occasionally say or do nice things for you so that they can tell themselves they're doing their best. I never gave the foster family they placed me with a chance to prove me wrong, and apart from one half-assed attempt when I was a teenager, I've never dated or been romantic with anyone.\n\nI have felt what I think is real love, in the sense that I want to make his life good, and I feel comfortable with how much he relies on me...but it's my cat, haha."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 172,
    "label": "The feature represents the cognitive and behavioral challenges associated with social interaction and the development of social skills.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6491348121315884,
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      "That is not exactly fantasy though. I do have social fantasies. They often (but not always) involve me being talented or sociable, and others enjoying what I share with them. Very self-involved, I know. That's fantasy land for you.",
      "I have comorbid social anxiety, so there's an element of that in most interactions I have. But even then, I can socialize if I have to. I don't have the drive to get good at it, because I get zero pleasure from it. But I understand how it works; I'm never going to make a grossly inappropriate comment to someone, or miss blatant social cues. Opposite, if anything; I'm *too* sensitive to what other people are broadcasting with their tone and body language. I'm hyper protective of my own boundaries, and thus tend to take their signals too seriously, too.\n\nWay easier to just vigorously shove everyone far away.",
      "Agreed. Do you think this applies to socializing as well? That some of us (not all) felt need to be social at some point, but by repressing/suppressing the need for too long has made it so weak it has (seemingly) gone away?"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3968,
    "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of cognitive impairment, specifically persistent memory loss and difficulty with recall.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6496004271339489,
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      "So sick of forgetting EVERYTHING It feels like my short term memory is non-existent sometimes. I can’t remember names immediately after they are said, I walk into rooms and cannot remember why I was there, I leave important items like my phone and keys in random places and can’t remember where I left them. It’s *incredibly* frustrating. I think I’ve gotten in the car to go somewhere, resized I forgot “X” run back in the house to get it, run back to the car only to remember I forgot *another* item, rinse, repeat...only to remember halfway to my destination that I forgot the important item and the reason for my trip in the first place. Goldfish have an excellent memory compared to me, I swear 🙄",
      "We all think we have bad memories In reality, we just choose to forget and forget anything relating to the memory. If anyone asks us why we can't remember, it is just because we don't want to admit we remember it. I realized that I will never forget. Everything that happened will be never be forgotten but it eases my mind to act as if I forgetten. We try to lie to ourselves with a lie we don't believe.",
      "Do you have giant memory lapses? I'm currently 28 and my roommate brought up something about high school last night and I had no idea what he was talking about. Then I thought about it and honestly I don't remember really any of it. I could list off facts of my past like a laundry list, but I don't remember any feelings I had or thoughts that went through my head. I don't particularly remember having a good OR bad time. Even my early twenties I don't remember at all. It all feels like something that I dreamed about once but never actually happened. I don't think I blocked it all out, there's nothing particularly traumatic.\n\nDo others have huge gaps in memory?"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 231,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience of marital strain, emotional distance, or the breakdown of support within a spousal relationship.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5166104201372622,
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      "Little/No Support from Spouse This is my very first Reddit post so please forgive anything out of place. \n\nDoes anyone have experience with having little to no support from your spouse in coping with your depression?\n\nA little elaboration:\nI was diagnosed with depression about a year and a half ago after finally seeking help when I began considering suicide at what I felt was at an alarmingly frequent rate and I became afraid of myself. My husband of course knows that I have depression and he has a general concept of what it is (I think so anyways; I've done my best to explain it) but he doesn't understand it. He says he's never felt that way and he's sorry that I do. However, I feel like he thinks I'm crazy when I try to talk about how I'm feeling. He never says anything demeaning or out of place, but it's almost like talking to a wall. We have been together for 10 years, have a child together, and have a good relationship, so I don't understand why it makes me feel so bad to try to reach out to him. \n\nI just feel so alone and I'm not sure how to get him to understand that I need his help. ",
      "My husband has PTSD and refuses treatment. I’m getting scared and don’t know where to start. I’m a bit cloudy right now because I’ve taken anti anxiety meds. I don’t have the energy or see the point in describing this past weekend, but he’s the most distant and unpredictable I’ve seen him in five years. \n\nWe’ve been to marriage counseling, he was an asshole to the doctor and eventually begged me to stop going.\n\nAll he does is sleep and drink and go to work- he’s a cop in an extremely fucked up area, in a very understaffed department. I work 50 hours a week, raise our three kids, and do literally everything else. \n\nI won’t leave him. But, this is exhausting. I hide his guns regularly. I think he wants this to be his life... it was so much better and could be again. \n\nPlease give me something. Any idea, something to read? There’s got to be something I haven’t tried.\n\nThanks. ",
      "Seems surreal right now. Reality hasnt caught up to me yet. So it has come. This last October my world seemed to end. My wife outed her true feelings to me... Feelings she had kept secret. Feelings that I was controling, that she was unhappy.... That she wanted friends regardless of if I approved or not.... That she married \"too young\"... That she never got to live HER life.... \n\nWe had a great initial 4 years. Engaged and then married. Moved to my home town. Different work schedules. She gave up sharing her feelings. I knew something was off. But i told her to be patient.... That i missed her, loved her, every day... \n\nThat we just needed our schedules to be better.. To be more in sync with eachother... Then it was that I worked too much\n\nShe kept her resentment inside so long though. She kept her true feelings in so long I didnt realize she hated me for this or that.\n\nOctober she addmitted it.\n\nWe got marriage counciling.\n\nIt is off and on. It has helped maybe a little but not for her. Our beliefs are different. I have faith in the lord and avoid certain things and she does not. She has very little discernment between good and bad in general.\n\nShe also started talking to a guy at her job..... I found out about that in oct too. Oct was a bad month... After our two year aniversary i found out she lied multiple times about talking or not talking to that guy.\n\nNo evidence of cheating. But now it doesnt matter... I tried to offer her forgiveness and do anything for our marriage and for her....\n\nShe seemed to try. We seemed okay. But there is always something that sets her off... She cant even handle a small amount of anger anymore from me.... Or disaproval of a tv show i didnt want to watch together.... \n\nOf all things that was what set her off tonight. \n\nShe came up to get her phone and said goodnight and that she found 3 divorce mediators in the area. \n\nOn top of that I found out the church I had been going to believes in the rapture theory (something i do not believe in). \n\nMy buddy didnt text me back for support and I didnt want to text my boss at 120am to tell him I dont want to work (because what is sleep when your wife wants a divorce?) \n...\nIts 1 hr 20 minutes until im supposed to get up for work.\nMy wife effectively made it impossible for me to sleep.\n\nSigh....\n\nIm ready for the world to end. Its just me and ma now.... And shit... Im going to have to say goodbye to 1 or 2 cats out of 4 :/..\n\nAnd finances are going to SUCK.\n\nMy heart is going to be shit after this. Rock cold nothing. \n\nIm 31. This is my worst break up but not my only. I dont feel like i ever want to date again. What is the point if someone i thought loved me could double cross me and ruin my life like this? Ill never trust again and I have no desire for sex or even emotions at this point. I feel empty. If marriage failed me after even 4 years before that (this would be 3 year marriage 7 years together) what can I trust besides God?"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3616,
    "label": "The feature represents the psychological and behavioral relationship between an individual and their eating habits or food consumption.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7304994466968235,
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      "Also, remember to fully focus on your meal. Eat slowly & savor it. It helps to satisfy your hunger",
      "Well, eating does fill some kind of void, other than the physical one that is my stomach. So I often get something to eat/snack at night when watching Netflix or whatever. I don't 'look forward' to meals though, and taste usually isn't the highest priority. So I suppose the relief it brings lasts mere minutes, but it does fulfill my hunger.",
      "My ADHD has kept me from eating enough my entire life and I constantly feel sick and weak. Does anyone have any suggestions on easy ways to incorporate more protein/calories/nutrients into my day? I have lived most of my life feeling hungry, dizzy, and weak but I have a really hard time regularly eating. I've always had a lot of anxiety surrounding food, because many tastes/textures don't even seem to register as food to my brain and I end up gagging immediately. I only recently found out that might be connected to my ADHD hypersensitivity. This includes a lot of basic foods like many vegetables, most meats, and seafood. The only things I consistently want to consume are carbs and sugar. \n\nTime management and executive dysfunction also seem to impede my ability to cook multi-step meals. I regularly eat plain cereal for breakfast because I don't have the energy to make anything more filling, and usually end up skipping lunch because my head thinks it's \"inconvenient\" to stop and make something in the middle of my day. Even a sandwich or getting fast food seems to be too many steps for my head to handle. I eat one meal provided by my college for dinner but often have a hard time eating enough, and when I get hungry throughout the day I usually just end up snacking on WAY too much of something like goldfish or candy that ends up making me feel worse. I dread eating because it only ever makes me feel bad. \n\nI've always had this problem but as I've gotten older, skipping meals actually physically affects me to the point that I constantly feel nauseous, dizzy, and get frequent migraines and tension headaches. It's gotten to the point where I have to actively avoid physical activities on days I know I haven't eaten enough and make plans around how faint I feel. I desperately want to feel better but don't know what to do or where to start. Does anyone have any suggestions on ways I can get more protein and basic nutrients in my diet easily? Or ways to overcome the mental blocks surrounding cooking more complicated meals? \n\n*I also have a tree nut allergy."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 1284,
    "label": "The feature represents the immediate experience of housing instability, homelessness, and the urgent search for basic survival resources.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5751981316639682,
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      "As you can imagine, people are not so charitable in this city, but you'd be surprised, people can be generous with what they let slide, its easier than depending on pure charity. At best with this method, you will find a series of short term places, and you will probably get into at least 1 sketchy situation, so always protect yourself and have a way out. If you haven't already, hit up the DPSS. It will take an entire day, but if you tell them you're homeless, they will give you an EBT card that day. It will literally take being homeless and penniless to be eligible for GR--cash relief, or at least that is what it took for me, but within a week or 2 after attending a GROW meeting, you should be eligible for something like 230$ in cash aid.",
      "I have a friend whose recently been made homeless by her family who housed her for a while after the break up of a long term serious relationship. I’m an immigrant here so I don’t understand Texas’ thousands of ridiculous laws. However I want to know how I can help my friend out. She receives $600 a month child support for 3 children, and is currently a student (not enrolled for summer because of homeless situation) otherwise her only other income is FAFSA. We have tried all section 8 facilities in the north texas area and all have told us theres a 7-10 year waiting list.",
      "They can’t get into a shelter because they are employed but they still don’t make enough to afford to rent anywhere. They’ve tried rooms for rent but they can’t get into anything because it’s either, no couples, no kids, male only, female only etc. Hotel/Motel rooms are expensive. They have no family or friends that would be willing to accommodate them. What would you suggest to them?"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 1178,
    "label": "The feature identifies inquiries and discussions regarding the professional roles and distinctions between psychologists and psychiatrists.",
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      "Does a psychologist diagnose? Hey guys, I’ve been trying to make a psychiatrist appointment because I believe I have adhd, but it’s been hard without a referral, so I’m planning to make an appointment with a psychologist this Monday. What will the psychologist do? From my understanding they can diagnose, and then refer to a psychiatrist? How is the diagnosis process?",
      "I don't think that would help OP gain a more accurate diagnostic profile at all, necessarily.  Psychiatrists aren't inherently more qualified than psychologists to diagnose conditions, they just additionally deal with medication and the neurochemical underpinnings of disorders where applicable in the DSM/ICD.  Since as the saying goes \"when one has only a hammer, everything looks like a nail\", some psychiatrists might miss the nuances of schizotypal disorder, delusional disorder etc. and be inclined to diagnose anything with schizo- spectrum or related symptoms as schizophrenia, schizoaffective, bipolar or depression w/psychotic features and so forth, since those conditions are treated with and directly responsive to medication (usually antipsychotics) whereas the Cluster A personality disorders generally are not.  A competent, qualified psychiatrist would be able to diagnose rarer and less well-understood conditions like schizotypal (P)D and delusional disorder and differentiate them from psychotic conditions, but many psychiatrists aren't that competent or qualified and see nearly everything in terms of medication-responsivity (so, straightforwardly affective, psychotic and anxiety disorders).  Getting evaluated by a psychiatrist isn't a bad idea, per se, but if OP already has a psychologist I don't see how that would make things any clearer.",
      "What’s the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist? I just wonder what the difference is so that I can pick the right one to go to."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3612,
    "label": "The feature identifies the acute physiological and psychological symptoms associated with experiencing or describing a panic attack.",
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      "It started with a panic attack that led to hypertension. I felt my heart pounding with shortness of breath. I felt dizzy, and I thought I was having a heart attack, this was the first time I ever experienced this. I thought I was going to die. I went to the ER.",
      "That might be a panic attack, but it's hard to say. I used to have frequent panic attacks. It feels like you're having a heart attack or about to die or something. It's a good idea to get it checked in case it's physical. If it's panic attacks they'll probably give you anti anxiety medication.",
      "I have StPD and during a panic attack I can sometimes get something similar to what you're describing.  Though there is no physical heat.  But I can definately relate to my head buzzing/throbbing/pulsing and brain hyperactivity."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4040,
    "label": "The feature represents the metacognitive process of questioning, identifying, or defining the nature of delusional beliefs.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6963275046941909,
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      "Do you believe your hallucinations/delusions? Hello all, I'm having an interview diagnosis thing conducted on me by a very much non-expert at the moment and would like to ask people who have more experience with the condition. **I'm not looking for a diagnosis,** I'm just curious if this applies to you guys. I experience auditory and visual hallucinations, and rarely delusions such as '*That person can hear my thoughts through their ear buds/when they stand close to me,'* or once, *'There is an alien trying to communicate with me.'*\n\nHowever, most of the time, I don't really believe these things are real. I have certainly been convinced of such things for the periods of time during which I was directly experiencing them, but once the episode is mostly over, I feel like I can say to myself, \"There's no way that was real, you're hallucinating,\" and believe it. Do you believe what you see/hear after you stop seeing or hearing it? What about delusions?\n\nSorry if this is nosy, I'm an outsider here. :) Stay healthy!",
      "is there a way to get over a delusion? I'm not diagnosed with anything because I've never seen a professional, but I've been having delusions since i was a kid. I've become aware of when a delusion is a delusion, for the most part, but I can't figure out how to NOT believe in it and forget about it. \n\ndoes anyone have any tips? it would be really appreciated.",
      "I get this. It is a delusion. I’m able to realise it’s a delusion on a good day, on a worse day I get very paranoid and start to believe it. I believe it’s the universe doing it, and even coincidences are enough for me to get skeptic."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 954,
    "label": "The feature represents the intersection of financial stress, economic anxiety, and the psychological impact of money management on mental health.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5600285658536358,
    "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778,
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      "Anyone else worry more about money than their own well being? My family isn’t living in poverty or anything but finance is always a struggle. We just had to cancel our health insurance so I can kiss goodbye to affordable medication. \n\nEver since I became depressed I’ve been nothing but a burden on my family. Therapy costs a lot, medication costs a lot, I have debt from student loans to pay off and I didn’t even graduate. \n\nMultiple times I felt like I might harm myself so I wanted to go to the ER but thinking about how much it would cost always stops me. \n\nIdk. Everyone always says money can’t buy happiness but it sure as hell would make life a little less terrible.",
      "Hey I have OCPD I have been diagnosed 3 times by three different doctors and I didn't inform them about my previous diagnosis. So I'm pretty confident about my diagnosis. \nMy question - what is your relationship with money as a person with OCPD?\nMy personal relation is pretty confusing I love buying things but when something is over my budget I become aware of how little I have. Then I get very angry and suddenly want to save all the money. Then I spend more. \nhttps://reddit.com/r/OCPD/comments/1iuzspv/money_matters/",
      "blackmailing and gambling rackets have helped. i'm impulsive usually with my money bc i have a lot of money in stocks so i can always fall back on those for my bills yk?"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4488,
    "label": "The feature represents the intersection of sexual dysfunction, trauma, and complex emotional responses to intimacy.",
    "pearson_r": 0.8968861946554054,
    "pred_f1": 0.9,
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      "I used to be somewhat repulsed, and even thought of myself as asexual when I was a teenager. Honestly, the first few times were pretty repulsive in some areas, especially giving oral. Used to gag and hold back vomit. Just the idea was gross, and there was also some pheromonal incompatibility, I think. \n\nNow, sex with my partner ranges from okay to very enjoyable, and the determinate factor is how much I can get out of my own head during it. If I'm thinking too much about it, about the scents and the wetness and sounds and feelings, I start getting a bit dissociated and weirded out. If I can enter some sort of flow state, it's a good time.\n\nI can't say I'm all that experienced though. I think this current partner is the only one I've genuinely felt accepted by (physically and mentally, despite my flaws), and it's someone who I know is extremely understanding and loyal. Being able to connect and feel comfortable with them, and having genuine feelings of affection that last past the first few weeks of the relationship have made sex feel like a mutually enjoyable activity and caring for them has made me want to help them out sexually.\n\nIn past relationships, I genuinely hated sex. It felt like a chore, and the emotional instability of my partners meant that denying it would have some sort of emotional fallout. It was awful, and I didn't even masturbate for a long time after the second one because I was so turned off by the idea and would get super in my head about it if I tried to engage.",
      "Interesting. I have the same issue but I've found I can be sexual in the context of my own space by using porn. When anyone else is involved I shut down in shame and negative pre programmed beliefs from the religion I was raised in",
      "I have an extremely high sex drive and I prefer violent and degrading sex."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 541,
    "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of sensory or emotional overload and the inability to cope with excessive external or internal demands.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5208625705632461,
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      "Yeah. I have trouble processing the information that is being relayed when it's too much for me.",
      "Talk to her about it. \"I love you but I get overwhelmed by the constant texting\". Maybe she doesn't know if it's an issue and hopefully she makes an adjustment or is willing to discuss further. If not you might want to consider if this relationship is sustainable in the long term.",
      "They kind of too much to handle for me, don't have anything personal against any of them just too much and for someone that feels too little it's overwhelming"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 696,
    "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of dreams, nightmares, and the blurred boundary between dream states and reality.",
    "pearson_r": 0.576659891953877,
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    "top_texts": [
      "Good question. I do dream, it can be rather vivid. But there are no voluntary waking images or sounds. That being said, I still manage to hallucinate.",
      "Dreams and nightmares Hey,\n\nBasically, I've been feeling really s!@# for a few years now, mostly related to specific bad events/interactions with people that have caused me severe issues like really low self-esteem, drifting further into introvertedness, very bad mental state and, most importantly, having an almost constant feeling of sadness, anger and every other bad emotion that makes me feel bad physically on the inside as well.\n\nWhat I want to focus on this post here is that I've had loads of nightmares in the recent years, replaying the bad events/interactions or finding myself in new ones with the same people that are just as bad and they feel so realistic, but my biggest issue is that I occasionally get what I would call 'good' dreams as well, where I see my hopes&wishes as a reality. \n\nFor example, today I had a dream about a girl I've been crushing on on&off in the past (but she friendzoned me very firmly) and we were together in that dream. But then I woke up, reality hit me instantly and I felt 1000x times worse than with any of the nightmares. I just don't know what to make of it, I'm in an emotional wreck and it's hard to stay on topic as I want to drift off to all the other bad s\\*\\*\\* that is going on in my life.\n\nI just wanted to know if any of you also get that sort of feeling where the nightmares that are scarring/reminding you for past and present events feel easier than 'good' dreams. And if so, how do you deal with it or cope with it?\n\nThanks.",
      "Asleep in a dream, and then you wake up, and all you want is for that dream to be your reality.. Does anyone else find that you can be fast asleep in a dream, it doesn't even have to be a positive one, but it feels intense and real.\n\nAnd then you wake up and the cold hard glare of reality slaps you round the face. And you wish more than anything that you could get back into your fantasy world of powerful emotions and longed for experiences."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1059,
    "label": "The feature captures the struggle of navigating romantic pursuit and social interaction while experiencing social anxiety and depression.",
    "pearson_r": 0.8066574369068893,
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      "Put out a large net and frequently and eventually you'll catch something. Having a decent job/money helps a lot too. It's hard because I lose interest quickly and most times I quickly stop putting in effort. It also requires getting lucky and meeting someone that's actually open to go do stuff even if they don't know you well. For me any girl I ever dated was always down to go hang out and do stuff, not endless back and forth texting.",
      "I know it might blow your mind but you could just say \"Sorry, I always get really nervous around new people.\" If she has got an issue with that she never liked you at all, because *you are nervous around new people*. If she doesn’t understand that, she is not even worth your time at all. In my humble opinion even 20 years of therapy probably won’t get you to be able to talk to a girl you like without being nervous. 20 years of dating girls certainly would help. \n\nI know it’s hell and I‘ve been where you’re at, but don’t think and just ask her out with a stupid message, bc in your head everything you do is stupid anyways so you can’t tell. There are girls out there who would certainly kill for a shy weirdo to ask them out. Not every girl wants a conventionally \"attractive\" guy, who is confident and whatnot.\n\nIf you ask me just hit her up. If you don’t know what to say, \"hey, im sorry about being so awkward that time, im always nervous around new people. I think you’re really cute so we could go to *blank* on *date* at *time*, if you want to.\" could work wonders. Even better if you can come up with a geniune compliment about her other than just cute. You can even dm me if you want to I'd be glad to help and you can always complain to me if anything goes wrong.\n\nI rejected a girl in school by mistake just by acting real nervous in front of people I didn’t even like while talking to her, bc I was insecure about what they would think about her. If I didn’t just start using tinder years later, I would probably still beat myself up over it. I know that feeling too well to just shut up about it now so I'm composing a fucking paragraph on reddit.\n\nAlso in your post you said you had to look that place up. You should tell her you don’t know the place and ask her to tell you about it in that situation. Everybody likes to be asked about something they like. I bet she would have loved to tell you everything about it.\n\nAll I'm trying to say is that you can be honest about not knowing things, never having been on a date, being stiff and robotic, being a huge nerd and spending too much time by yourself and still make a girl obsess over you. The fact that it’s difficult to get to know you can also work in your favour. If she already showed interest you are really fucking up by not doing anything imo.",
      "Dating with depression 27/M with depression and never had a girlfriend. It's always been a pretty big priority for me, being as lonely a guy as I am. I'm on a few dating sites and can't get much attention there. \n\nI'd like to start meeting women outside of sites but depression and anxiety make my mind freeze (or sometimes race) and I can't say anything. My self esteem is terrible. When I'm with people I know, I can be pretty charming, but not when I'm meeting people for the first time or working up the courage to speak. \n\nRecently, I went on 4 great dates with a girl from a dating site who eventually broke it off and told me why (and it had nothing to do with me, truly). This is really discouraging. \n\nI just need advice, or even just a pep talk, so I can have more courage. "
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3110,
    "label": "The feature represents the personal experience of substance use disorder and the struggle with addiction.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6024982758994024,
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      "I have several addictions. Just because *you* don't get addicted doesn't mean everyone else is like that. You don't have to have empathy to realize that it's just common sense. OP is trying to overcome addiction so telling them to do crack is stupid.",
      "Yes, I have a long history of substance abuse. I've basically alternated between being addicted to opiates and smoking weed daily for the past 25 years, with a few years of sobriety sprinkled here and there. I've always been an extremely high functioning addict though and a few select drugs are my only vice (no gambling, risky sex, shopping, etc.).",
      "Just want to say I relapsed this lastJune on opiates after being clean for 6 years. It sucked, but I’m still okay and I feel like my sobriety is stronger than ever now. I wish you the best of luck. You are way bigger than the heroin and the addiction."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1854,
    "label": "The feature represents acute distress and social alienation specifically within the context of the middle or high school environment.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7848338436160326,
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      "I’m struggling to cope with school I’m 14 and recently I just can’t bring myself to school and I don’t know what’s holding me back. I just wake up and I can’t bring myself to go to school. I will end up in heaps of tears and frustrating myself for not going or not wanting to go. It’s getting really serious now because my attendance is around 80%. :(",
      "School is Just For Being Harassed I'm currently 13 years old, and for what seems to be five years now, school has just been hell for me. Snitches, bullies, scammers, perverts, you name it. In my middle school there are hundreds and hundreds of people who just stand out to me as people who are plotting against me. I think I'm going insane for being around them so much. \n\nEspecially this one kid, who's been targeting specifically me as a target for harassment for four years now. I've been given no choice but to pretend to be his friend, and I hate it so much, because he's so weird and psychotic. I've been failing grades because I can only think of ways to make him shut up. I've already been having to deal with so much in life, like family members dying, having to live with a twin brother who has autism, and even a damn drone watching my house for absolutely no reason.\n\nThere's so many people who will run up to me, hit me, shove me, make fun of me, insult me, and run away. They always get away with it too. In fact, they frequently get me in trouble instead, by somehow framing me. I would fight back, but I'm one of those \"passive\" kids whose anger lives on the inside of them. Because of this, I've had no choice but to deal with it, and over time my fun, happy personality has melted into tired, stressed, and emotionless. \n\nMy teachers take my personality to my advantage and are constantly making me switch seats in class. I'll be at a spot that's already bad enough, and next thing you know I'm stuck with a ton of idiots who will slowly put their lips up to your ear and whisper some cheap meme that just makes me want to die even more. It's like my teachers only want to use me as a silencing tool. For years now I just feel like I only exist to entertain others until I eventually just commit suicide.\n\nSchool's done basically nothing but make me want to just die. If I don't kill myself soon, I will eventually lash out and run around the school with a hit list, maybe to the point where I'm forced to take therapy, or community service, or even arrested. I would gladly take therapy honestly, but my parents always deny the request. It's like they want me to go insane. \n\nI don't know what to do. It feels like literally everything is against me. And I have two choices, either: I kill myself but burn in hell, or I eventually go mental and end up in hell anyway.",
      "i dont have frainds!!   the only pepole that usally talk to me are people who teaze me.The only real fraind i have is samantha. She is my crush and bff! Thats one reason why i want to F*** my school up."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2841,
    "label": "The feature represents existential nihilism and the philosophical struggle with the perceived meaninglessness of life.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6626475965030594,
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    "top_texts": [
      "For anyone who thinks life is pointless Life is actually totally pointless, there is no meaning. The meaning of life is not to breed, it is not surviving and not dying. In life there is suffering, so much suffering. My rich relative from the US took away our apartment. I was raised by a single mom, who then worked as a teacher. I didn’t have a rich life, jet I still was and am happy, because I DON’T NEED TO FIND POINT IN EVERYTHING I DO, okey. \nListen people, life sucks, okey, so keep going(or you can kill yourself, your choice) don’t ask why, what is the point, these questions just make you stuck in depression. Life sucks, BIG DEAL! You have to work to over come it, start by doing the things you like, like petting a dog or a cat, eating you favorite ice-cream, little things. \nYou are probably never-ever going to get rich, you are probably never-ever going to get famous, but this is not an excuse to say that life sucks, and take medication and saying that “OMG I AM SOO DEPRESSED, LIKE OMG”. \nSome people really have it bad, some people starve, luckily growing up I didn’t starve. You have to focus on the great thing’s. WHY? \nWell you don’t but just SHUT THE F*** UP THEN, I am tired of hearing that life is pointless and that I want to kill myself. \n\nP.S. I am a white male, I am straight, I am a capitalistic and I believe there are two genders, also English is not my first language so yeah I understand that I have spelling mistakes\n[for people who want to comment hate, all hate is welcomed ;) ]",
      "In my own personal ways, I can relate with what you said. Existence is inherently meaningless, pointless as you had mentioned, but to quote Albert Camus, “The realization that life is absurd cannot be an end, but only a beginning.” Honestly, I don’t know what to make of that statement, because to me it seems like everyone’s pretty lost in their game of pretence, yet, what Camus said really gives me hope; for what? I do not know yet. People can say that life is meaningless and you have to give it meaning — and that may sound like a naive remark, but you’ve got to find a purpose, regardless of how insignificant it is, to keep you going. When I was severely depressed and suicidal, I gifted myself a plant and nursed it. Now I’m in a better place, and the plant is still alive, just like me(I used to get dreams about the plant dying, and would wake up in a funk). I think it was Neitzche, who said “He who has a ‘why’ to live for can bear almost any ‘how’”. Take care.",
      "Sorry if commenting triggers something, but the best solution I found so far is to embrace the thought that life is meaningless, but also rationalize that \"meaning of life\" is a human concept we created to make sense of things far beyond our understanding. Life does not need to be \"real\" or have inherent meaning to be enjoyable. Playing games with your friends, listening to music, snacking, drinking that one cold glass of water at night have no meaning whatsoever and yet are enjoyable. Life has no meaning, but you, as a person, do. You mean happiness and safety to your loved ones, annoyance to your adversaries, and the world to your pets. That's what matters. Focus on what you mean to yourself and how you can make the most of that."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 4796,
    "label": "The feature represents the internal conflict and decision-making process regarding the act of seeking professional or interpersonal help.",
    "pearson_r": 0.660322471063052,
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      "Help When did you realized that you really need help? ",
      "I felt terrible for it. Typically I hate asking for help but I'm starting to recognize I really need it.",
      "That's why it's important to ask the person you want to help what they need."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1839,
    "label": "The feature captures the subjective experience and psychological impact of alcohol consumption.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6706151343150741,
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    "top_texts": [
      "Alcohol makes me extremely depressed. Hello everyone. I've been struggling with depression for many many years, but last year has been especially bad; basically since I started going to university. From time to time I'd get super drunk when I was home alone. It helped distract me from the pain, relax and enjoy the moment. I went abroad to work last summer with some friends, and we were drinking and partying heavily during the weekends. It was one of the best summers ever, and definitely the happiest I've been during last year or two. After I came back home, it hit me again. So I tried to drink it away as I was doing all summer, but it stopped working. When I drink now I get extremely depressed. Sometimes already during the night, usually when I wake up the next day. I hate myself much much more than regularly, can't get out of bed not because I'd have a hungover, I'm just super fucking depressed. It also has nothing to do with how the night of drinking went. I could be having the best time and suddenly my mood drops to the deepest depression, sooner or later. Any of you with the similar experience?",
      "How does alcohol make you feel? I'm not sure if this is a thing, but when I drink I never quite get fully drunk like other people seem to experience it. Ok yes I've had nights where I've drunk alot and got really drunk, but the majority of the time, even when I drink loads it seems my mind can never quite switch off and I'm always sensible. This is good obviously but sometimes I wish it would switch off and I could feel normal.",
      "Does anyone else get a serious low for a few days following drinking alcohol? I'm normally a relatively positive guy. I've dealt with depression in the past and still have low points at certain times in the year, however almost without fail if I drink excessively, the days following are filled with guilt, regret, and a general depression and anxiousness.\n\nJust wondering if anyone else experiences this"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1000,
    "label": "The feature represents the existential struggle to define, attain, or perceive the state of happiness.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5903339230108444,
    "pred_f1": 0.8,
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      "I can't remember a single happy moment I've been trying for the past week to remember a time where I felt happy but nothing comes to mind. There have been moments where I feel I should have felt happy but I just feel indifference.   \nI want to be happy but I don't even know what it that is.",
      "I give up on finding happiness I've tried everything to get happy and yet everytime I do later on I start to be unhappy with it. I was dating someone for a week and I was happy... For a day. then two days ago I ended it because I couldn't feel happy about the situation. I feel like an asshole but it was the right call. I fake my happiness to an extent, like a mask that says happy all over it but sometimes it slips and I just don't really feel anything throughout the day. I lose joy with most of my activities like drawing or video games. They say they want to help be happy and I deserve to be happy but why? If I be happy again I'm just gonna lose it again. Why fight a losing war?",
      "You don't know it but you're happy. Stay with me. You're probably happy but you just can't think about it because you're caught up in the basic struggles everyone falls into. The petty thoughts that things can be better. Everyone does this. Its only by comparison when looking back at things can you see that you were happy. That was happiness. Honestly it probably doesn't measure up to being a millionaire sitting on a private beach with a supermodel fiance but what you have is yours. Not anyone else can take that from you."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 4634,
    "label": "The feature identifies discussions specifically centered on the clinical diagnosis, symptoms, and treatment of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).",
    "pearson_r": 0.6325492499762566,
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    "top_texts": [
      "I was diagnosed with OCD before OCPD, and then my current psych kept the diagnosis after my formal psych evaluation that revealed i had OCPD as well. I’ve had OCD since I was 15 or 16. It began with sexual OCD, then just-right, harm, safety, and relationship OCD. I did a lot of checking regarding feared home break ins and fires. A ton of just-right stuff is tangled up with the OCPD symptoms.  OCPD and OCD are fundamentally different: OCD is ego-dystonic, and OCPD is ego-syntonic. They are treated differently as well. The evidence based practice/gold standard for OCD is exposure and response prevention therapy, while the gold standard for OCPD is RO-DBT. They’re assessed differently as well, a clinician might use a Y-BOCS and definitely a SCID for OCD, while they might use a psychometric test more attenuated to personality psychopathology like the PAI or the MMCI for OCPD.",
      "The thing is, the DSM-5 specifically says: \"[Presence of obsessions, compulsions, or both](https://imgur.com/a/O0JpJ2x)\" which implies you can have just one or the other.",
      "OCD responds best to the combination of medication and therapy. SSRIs are usually the first line treatment for OCD, so if you are adamant against them, switch your efforts to ERP."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4515,
    "label": "The feature represents the intersection of cannabis use and its perceived impact on mental health symptoms or cognitive states.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7708623660280063,
    "pred_f1": 0.75,
    "freq": 0.0271340821676649,
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      "I have started to cut my homegrown high THC weed with legal CBD weed in a roughly 50/50 ratio. I makes the experience very mellow and dials the intensity way down so I can actually do stuff instead of ending up at my local pizza place a start jumping while I wait because I wanted to \"not look weird or high\"... I am such an idiot haha",
      "If someone has psychotic symptoms while smoking weed, then it's the weed.",
      "I smoke CBD flower and it helps with my anxiety, but a little THC will send me into a psychotic state. I used to smoke weed daily for years and it definitely didn't help my symptoms. THC and the schizophrenia spectrum doesn't mix well."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3053,
    "label": "The feature represents the theme of physical touch and tactile sensory experiences.",
    "pearson_r": 0.676366613209265,
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      "and my hands!",
      "and my hands!",
      "grandmother touches my hand."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3803,
    "label": "The feature identifies discussions specifically centered on Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD).",
    "pearson_r": 0.6605891202510558,
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    "top_texts": [
      "People with ASPD can feel love but there is no secret sauce that you can use.  It’s not like everyone who has ASPD is all the same.  My recommendation would be to learn what he values personally.  Also it might be worth finding out what led to his diagnosis too just as a heads up as to what he may be capable of.  He’s chosen to share a diagnosis with you I’d say he should probably explain how it happened because that is a legitimate red flag people don’t usually get that diagnosis with out some pretty severe behaviors.",
      "Go speak to a professional, it won’t be ASPD - ASPD is is amazing to live with.. it really helps with life, as I’ve experienced myself so I know for a fact it’s the case.",
      "Many in my family and my Ex’s fam have ASPD. My uncle was involved in a murder of a drug dealer, my Ex’s brother burned down a house because the landlord kicked him out for non payment and an old guy died (he thought it was empty). Sister went to prison for armed robbery etc.  for the most part ASPD just seem like anyone else you meet in life but they have a tendency to do extreme fucked up things that get them sent to prison.  I’ve known a couple that were a constant problem probably highly psychopathic but ASPD will take advantage of your sympathy if you let them to get money off you for drugs or a place to stay and probably steal off you etc.  it’s not really all that tough to deal with most of them just don’t give in to their bullshit and you will be fine.  If you give them an inch they try to take a mile\n\nTl;dr don’t trust them and keep them at a distance and you’ll be fine"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1068,
    "label": "The feature represents the concept of personal transformation, behavioral change, or the process of self-evolution.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5168015929403108,
    "pred_f1": 0.7272727272727273,
    "freq": 0.03834746168124151,
    "mean_pos": 5.28558349609375,
    "top_texts": [
      "has anyone else ever had a major personality change? where everything about you (interests, goals, etc) changed rapidly over a short period of time?",
      "I'm curious, though; why do you want your mind to change?",
      "But it is 1000000000% possible to find change, but you’re going to have to believe in that possibility first!"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2514,
    "label": "The feature represents intense, profanity-laden emotional dysregulation and acute venting of frustration.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7194769341845013,
    "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778,
    "freq": 0.039878298474903845,
    "mean_pos": 4.862512588500977,
    "top_texts": [
      "Fuck everything Had a fucking breakdown in front of everyone tonight. Fuck you, fuck him, fuck them, fuck my life, fuck absolutely everything",
      "Hate life to its fucking core. Fuck this shit. And no one gives a fuck about you. Its all lies and bs.",
      "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.\n\nFuck you. Fuck this. Fuck that. Fuck everything fuck fuck fuck fuck ruck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck you fuck fuck fuck fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuuuuuuuuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.\n\nCan anyone relate?"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2103,
    "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding the personal use, side effects, and clinical management of Adderall for ADHD treatment.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7883502783660002,
    "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058,
    "freq": 0.023230448343825944,
    "mean_pos": 7.879322052001953,
    "top_texts": [
      "How’s Adderall work for y’all? My neurologist prescribed me Adderall for my ADD, and I was curious how it works for you all?",
      "Will working out after I take my adderall cause anything negative? I've very recently been diagnosed with ADD, and prescribed adderall to treat it. I've had no negative symptoms from it so far (besides constipation, but I've been told thats normal lol). Before my diagnosis I was working out pretty regularly, but I haven't been recently because I didn't know if that would be a good idea to do after just taking my medication in the morning? Adderall doesn't increase my heart rate or anything, but should I talk to my doctor before I start doing cardio again?",
      "Sons psychiatrist warns me about my adderall worsening my depression Hello all! \n\nI took my son to his psychiatrist appointment yesterday. After he  prescribed my son adderall and letting him know I also take adderall, he was explaining the ‘window’. He asked me about my window of when it kicks in to where I can feel it stop working. I usually take it at 7:30 am before breakfast. Usually by 8:30 - 9 AM I’m ready to go. I said that my window is usually from 8:30 until 2pm. At 2, I feel so tired and drained. I homeschool my son and due to long breaks/tantrums/random shit school stuff can drag until 2PM. Once we’re done, I am left feeling completely fried. I want to sleep forever. I take adderall 10 mg once in the morning and I thought it was normal that I was crashing at 2 PM. He says it’s not normal and to make an appointment ASAP to get it sorted out with my GP (who prescribed me the meds).\n\nHe also said something about the adderall making my depression worse. He knows I have a very difficult child. He asked about it and in a few words I let him know that I was struggling more than I used to. I feel productive but some days my patience runs thin and i feel tense for the rest of the morning till noon. I have been feeling very down (dealing with my son has not been the easiest lately) and I’ve had more frequent thoughts of suicide. They pass after I’ve cried it out but it’s starting to worry me. \n\nAnyone have any experience with adderall and depression? My doctor briefly mentioned it before prescribing but since I was going to therapy once a week there, he thought I’d be good to go. Now I’m not so sure. It helps me out a ton in regards to being productive. I go to the gym and I get shit done for the most part. But my mental health seems to be getting worse and I’m not sure if it’s adderall related. "
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4697,
    "label": "The feature represents the conceptualization of the brain as a biological or neurological mechanism.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5301843052480502,
    "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765,
    "freq": 0.03193708260778048,
    "mean_pos": 5.597967624664307,
    "top_texts": [
      "or at least that's what the neurons in my brain say.",
      "That's a [matter](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-makes-our-brains-special/) of much [debate](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-makes-a-human-brain-unique/). But the short and sweet answer that you're looking for is that our cerebral cortex. Humans have a larger cerebral cortex relative to the rest of the brain than any other animal. [The cerebral cortex handles many of our unique skills, like language and problem solving. ](http://whoami.sciencemuseum.org.uk/whoami/findoutmore/yourbrain/howdoesyourbrainwork/whatarethepartsofyourbrain/whatmakesthehumanbrainunique)",
      "Yeah. I think you're right and it has to do with the way our brains work."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3657,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience of pregnancy, childbirth, and the challenges of early parenthood.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6637774643607685,
    "pred_f1": 0.75,
    "freq": 0.0271340821676649,
    "mean_pos": 6.567422866821289,
    "top_texts": [
      "KEEP YOUR BABY!!! They are loved and wanted by you. Everything else will fall into place. Best of luck ❤️",
      "I am so sorry you’re going through this. I have no advice but I do hope it gets better for you. That sounds like way too much for someone to be dealing with on top of having a baby.",
      "I’m obsessed with alone time, will not deny that having kids ruins that (pregnant with my second)."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1941,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience of laughter, including the distinction between genuine and performative or forced laughter.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6017434887905118,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
    "freq": 0.03187967622801814,
    "mean_pos": 5.568637371063232,
    "top_texts": [
      "\" which only served to make us laugh harder.",
      "\" which only served to make us laugh harder.",
      "I agree with you there. Laughing is a joy in life that almost everyone enjoys (I say almost because I'm sure some don't like it). Teasing someone for something so harmless and that they sincerity love, and making them feel self-conscious about it is so screwed up"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4985,
    "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding specific medication dosage, frequency, and titration schedules.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5654985141808945,
    "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666,
    "freq": 0.0289710863200597,
    "mean_pos": 6.058934211730957,
    "top_texts": [
      "I'm essentially your same build. I started with 12.5 mg every 6 hours (3x per day). Once you see how your body reacts, you can adjust your dosage. ",
      "I have mild to moderate anxiety and I need at least 150 mg per day. I typically dose 50-75mg every 2-4 hours depending on how I'm feeling that day.",
      "That’s the thing, it’s only been a week. 300mg three times daily."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1121,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience of persistent, treatment-resistant chronic physical pain.",
    "pearson_r": 0.8044943476361319,
    "pred_f1": 0.8888888888888888,
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    "mean_pos": 5.606197834014893,
    "top_texts": [
      "Ive now lived with my pain for 12 years, and have gotten buggar all help. I truly hope your journey is better than mine... But pain clinic might atleast give 'some' help.",
      "Anyone else experience chronic back pain and dopamine issues? Just curious if anyone else has similar physical ailments. My back pops and crack a lot from me trying to alienate chronic pain in my upper mid back. I’ve noticed when I take mushrooms that it tends to loosen up and I’m able to realign my back... like everything cracks and pops into place with hardly much effort.\n\nAnyone else experience this?",
      "Okaay, I have this pain and discomfort 24/7 and it doesn't lessen with any pain killer or anything."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2466,
    "label": "The feature represents the conceptualization and clinical management of personality disorders.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5336408693639424,
    "pred_f1": 0.7272727272727273,
    "freq": 0.028358751602594767,
    "mean_pos": 6.106507301330566,
    "top_texts": [
      "Yes, personality disorders are not Neurological disorders they are… personality disorders.  They do not diagnose any personality disorder with any sort neurological tests aside from the Hare psychopathy checklist and this is only for severe offenders that have already been diagnosed with ASPD.  I’m not sure what I’m being vague about.  I’m pulling information right out of the dsm and through research on psychopathy and personality disorders in general\n\nEdit; Here is a quick definition of what a personality disorder is, what they look for this is determined before they try to make a specific diagnosis.\n\nhttps://www.merckmanuals.com/professional/psychiatric-disorders/personality-disorders/overview-of-personality-disorders",
      "Anxiety can be debilitating and is no joke! But having a personality disorder is a whole different can of worms unfortunately",
      "Well, personality disorders by definition have to be outside of the norm. You're not mistaken at all, because a personality style needs to be so outside of the norm that they cause personal distress, or loss of normal occupational or social functioning, in order to be considered a disorder."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2382,
    "label": "The feature represents the discussion and comparative evaluation of specific antipsychotic medications and their associated side effects.",
    "pearson_r": 0.753985478188094,
    "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058,
    "freq": 0.028492699822040224,
    "mean_pos": 6.02206563949585,
    "top_texts": [
      "Olanzapine was the only one that didn’t cause it for me but my doctor doesn’t want me on it due to the weight gain :( but at this point I feel like I’ll take weight gain over akathisia anyday.",
      "I'm on Rexulti which is very similar. They're both newer drugs and they are dopamine partial agonists/antagonists unlike most anti-psychotics which are dopamine antagonists.\n\nI haven't had any side effects like I have with other drugs. Invega made my negative symptoms 10x worse, put me in a horrible fog, and made me suicidal and sleep 14 hours at a time. Latuda gave me unbearable akathisia. Rexulti has had no side effects and if anything helps my negative symptoms a little bit.\n\nVraylar and Rexulti are known to cause a lot fewer side effects like drowsiness, weight gain, and akathisia. If you don't like one you can always try the other. I'd recommend giving Vraylar an honest go.",
      "I'm on Rexulti which is basically a next generation of abilify and I've been happy with it. Abilify is a partial agonist so it usually comes with less side effects and less blunting. In some it even helps negative symptoms a bit."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2093,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience of involuntary or dysregulated crying.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7242523028033903,
    "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765,
    "freq": 0.025277942555349316,
    "mean_pos": 6.677470684051514,
    "top_texts": [
      "Crying help I don't know where to go for this problem but I thought my best bet would be starting here:\n\nI can't cry. \n\nMost people think I'm lying and trying to put on some kind of tough persona but I'm not. I haven't cried since middle school and I'm twenty-one now. \n\nIt's not like there haven't been things in my life to make me want to cry (most recently it has been losing my friends). I suffer from clinical depression and anxiety. But no tears. I lie awake at night sometimes just so sad and heartbroken but nothing comes. \n\nI miss crying. No matter the hurt that caused it, I always found comfort in how tired it would make me after and how cool my pillow felt after I cried into it. It was such a nice release and I just can't get it anymore. \n\nDoes anyone have any advice they can give me on how to cry again or point me in the right direction?\n\nThank you.",
      "Crying on the way home When you're at work and tears are welling up and you can't wait for work to be done so you can just get in your car and cry. Can anyone relate? ",
      "Crying all the time You ever be watching one of your fave tv shows, and just start crying uncontrollably. Super awkward when someone walks in and have to pretend you are having an allergy attack."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1654,
    "label": "The feature represents the emotional distress and feelings of inadequacy associated with the job search process.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7862282299462733,
    "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947,
    "freq": 0.028932815400218144,
    "mean_pos": 5.82722282409668,
    "top_texts": [
      "Job loss, job rejections, anxiety Due to a Joint Powers Agreement myself and some colleagues will be axed starting in June. I've been scrambling to apply for jobs. I'm taking those 3 hour exams if I'm lucky, going to interviews if I'm even luckier. Today, I received a rejection email from a position where the only reason I got a chance to interview was because I knew a guy who was married to the woman who interviewed me...and I still fucked it up.\n\nI've been looking for FT employment for years. I have a bachelor's degree. A shitty one, but a degree nonetheless, and plenty of work experience between various part-time jobs I hold at the same time to supplement each other. \n\nI don't know how to not feel like shit right now.",
      "I feel like I'm never going to be successful. I graduated in December and have struggled to find positions where I can apply my degree and previous internship experience. I was invited to interview for a job, which led to a call back for me to do a 7-hour onsite interview. \n\nThis job was perfect for me. It was directly relevant to my education, the salary was excellent, and the work I'd be doing would be directly impacting people positively instead of just being a corporate drone.\n\nI have severe social anxiety. Despite that, I felt like I did very well at the interview and gave detailed/knowledgeable answers in between some stutters/stammering. It was for sure the best interview I've had so far in terms of how I felt afterwards. \n\nI was cautiously optimistic, but hopeful that I'd gotten the job. This morning, I woke up to an email from them saying \"We've decided not to offer you a job\" and nothing else. \n\nSince then, I've felt so hopeless. I just want to make my family proud and help to lift them out poverty, but I feel like my lack of social skills is killing any chance of doing so. The process of applying and interviewing has sapped so much energy out of me, and yet I'm still at square one. It feels like I wasted the four years I was in college since my personality is almost barring me from getting meaningful work.",
      "Got rejected after 2 job interviews. I'm a failure I feel  horrible about it. I would do anything for a job"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4154,
    "label": "The feature represents the identification with and discussion of autism spectrum disorder.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6383719419897094,
    "pred_f1": 0.7619047619047619,
    "freq": 0.0199582846973727,
    "mean_pos": 8.39962100982666,
    "top_texts": [
      "Anyone else here have autism as well as depression? I'm 24m with high functioning autism. I'm just wondering because to me life is hard to grasp when you have autism and, as I've noticed, it's even harder when depression hits.\n\nI'm sure there are some of you... i guess i just feel alone and so alienated that i wish somebody could relate. I wish i wasn't alone but i am. \n\nDepression is hard for me to put in words. In fact, i seem to not understand anything as is and it's so frustrating. \n\nI'm just wondering if there is anyone out there who feels like i do. Because right now, it feels like I'm an alien on the wrong fucking planet and I'm drowning from its atmosphere. I hate being different. \n\nI wish for true anonymity.",
      "in my opinion no one whatsoever tht isn't struggling would say they have autism. \nautism didn't have as good of a  rep especially when getting hired.",
      "lol Back then there really was no spectrum and having autism meant you were mostly likely non-verbal, had to wear a helmet (so you wouldn't hurt yourself) and had to be in a self contained class."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4206,
    "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding the symptoms, diagnosis, and personal experience of Bipolar Disorder.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5479065446228621,
    "pred_f1": 0.7,
    "freq": 0.028492699822040224,
    "mean_pos": 5.760365009307861,
    "top_texts": [
      "Help? Advice needed. So\nI have had issues since a young age but ill summarise. \n\nSexually abused as a child, by someone of the same age and gender as me but obviously more to it like i reckon she was getting abused etc etc else how would she have known certain things to do etc.\nFrom about 10 onwards been under Camhs who diagnosed me with panic attacks and anxiety.\nI.rarely attended school, had to sit at the back of the class else i was TERRRRIBLY anxious, shaky and fidgety etc and just walked out crying. \nEveryone put  it down to anxiety and panic attacks.\nThen\nLast January my doctor finally felt i should see  a psychiatrist- who diagnosed me with Bipolar and Panic attacks/anxiety.\nI get months where im on a high, rarely panic attacks, not anxious, just living life,sexually active, shopping etc...then months of sadness anxiety cant even do things like walk down the road..i look a mess, just have 0 energy and go into a bit of a slump. \nIm on carbamazepine and sertraline.\n\nI have so many worries and doubts like is it bipolar? Is it something more? Because im fine recently like my moods been good just randomly hormonal etc though, not even due on a period but just up and down a bit. Then today i go into a shop, come over all faint..dizzy...sweaty...light headed cant even speak properly and just need to get out asap. \nMy eyes get all wide and just vacant and i feel like a zombie.\nIs this normal with bipolar? Like why are my physical effects so bad!? Doctors just put it down to stress but i just wondered if anyone else has experienced the same thing as i am going out of my mind here.",
      "Adult ADHD = BiPolar Disorder? Some friends were talking at work today about how one of his step kids is struggling with ADHD and what medication works best.  He then went on to say how the child's doc told him, that children with ADHD often grown up to have Bipolar mood disorder.   \n\n  Has any one else heard something like this?  It kind of shook me to be honest. ",
      "Yeah, bipolar is the first thing from consistent. Usually there’s and up then a down, but there can be things between that up and down as well. Or a longer up than a down. Or maybe no up or down at all. It depends on so many factors."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4275,
    "label": "The feature represents the use of music as a medium for emotional expression, validation, and coping with mental health struggles.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5569273231692887,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
    "freq": 0.028894544480376587,
    "mean_pos": 5.675359725952148,
    "top_texts": [
      "[Harmjoy - Inside Out (Youtube)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQCzWIxS3S8)   \n[Harmjoy - Inside out (lyrics)](https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Harmjoy/Inside-Out)    \n   \nThe lyrics in this song really resonated with me.",
      "Just sang loads of deep songs in front of my mum kinda accidentally on purpose. Most of the songs from this album \n[friend please](https://youtu.be/4-Q_0iKNnVM)\n[trapdoor ](https://youtu.be/C3aY6wcMJnw) \nDon’t think she realised I was singing about death 😂 so oblivious bless her",
      "There’s a song you guys should listen to It’s called Still Feel by Half Alive. Its about picking yourself up when you’re down and feeling alive and enjoying being alive. It makes you want to YELL “I STILL FEEL ALIVE”. And it’s catchy. \n\nIdk give it a try."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1650,
    "label": "The feature represents interpersonal conflict and emotional distress specifically stemming from sibling relationships.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7859960433485021,
    "pred_f1": 0.75,
    "freq": 0.022216268968024647,
    "mean_pos": 7.288609027862549,
    "top_texts": [
      "I think my sister is trying to keep me from forming a relationship with my nephews. My nephews are twins, and my sister likes to use them as collateral. I am close to one (let's call him nephew A) only because I feel she doesnt like him as much as the other. But nephew B feels left out and even though I constantly tell my sister I want to spend more time with him she brushes it off and never relays any of my messages to me. I think it's gotten to the point where he doesnt like me anymore and it kills me inside. \n\nI have to ask for her permission if I want to buy them a gift, or even talk to them. Their birthday is coming up and I want to get them something nice but nephew b wont talk to me. I feel like crying.",
      "Brother is getting on my nerves I'm 23 and my brother is 27.\n\nWe moved in together. I do freelance work, which is work basically enough to get by. I work on hobbies and other stuff on the side. My brother also works, etc.\n\nHe helped me pay some stuff and I'm slowly paying that back. Which I have been paying back.\nIt was a bit hard to move in and cost more than I thought but I've basically leveled everything out and we split bills so everything is just slowly getting taken care of.\n\nHe drinks a bit and when he does or when he's hungover he gets mad at me. If he asks me to do something and I don't do it, he will get mad. If I'm doing something he doesn't like, he'll get mad and make me seem like the most lazy unappreciative self absorbed piece of shit you could think of.\n\nIt's taking a toll on me, and now I realize how it's all working out I'm kind of stuck. I live with it now but I also live with him and I just want to find a way to handle it without feeling demoted after every fight. I have goals I'm working towards, I don't really need him pressing me back every time cause I didn't cater to him.\n\nAny help appreciated!",
      "I'm really sorry for your experience. I feel like sibling relationships should be a place of safety for kids, especially when one sibling is significantly older. As the older sibling, it's our job to model relationships and also just to be safe spaces for our younger siblings. I always want my little brother to feel like he can come to me with something, even if he feels like he can't go to our mom or his dad."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 1585,
    "label": "The feature represents the role of physical exercise and gym activity as a coping mechanism or lifestyle factor in managing mental health.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5948420903847222,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
    "freq": 0.02876059626093113,
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    "top_texts": [
      "I work out at a gym! High-intensity cardio is my best friend for mental health. I like to lift too, but overall, cardio gives me more bang for my buck. And unlike lifting, you don’t even need equipment or a gym for cardio, as you could go for a run or walk outside, or even do a routine from a workout video at home. Definitely recommend these options if you’re newer to exercise",
      "Been going to the gym consistently for the last five months I'm still depressed, but at least now I'm strong and depressed. \n\nSometimes I just want to cry though. I go to the gym and try to lift some heavy weight, and then a wave of sadness suddenly comes on and I can't even budge the weight from the ground (a weight that is actually less than my max). Depression makes me physically weaker. Sometimes I can hype myself up and manage to barely pull through. I guess in that sense it is mental training too. I'm still waiting to feel the results of that mental training though. The depression hasn't really gotten easier. \n\nToday I got a new max though, so that made me a little bit happy. ",
      "As a bonus you get stronger and healthier.\nIt is not easy, but I have managed to stay free of any meds by working out like a madman every day."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4079,
    "label": "The feature represents the physical sensation of a headache or head pain.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5554591934279867,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
    "freq": 0.02403413766049867,
    "mean_pos": 6.56569242477417,
    "top_texts": [
      "i sit up, my head hurts.",
      "my head was killing me.",
      "my head was killing me."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3763,
    "label": "The feature represents the intersection of body weight management, physical health concerns, and the emotional impact of weight on self-perception and social relationships.",
    "pearson_r": 0.8050010799094337,
    "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058,
    "freq": 0.02139344419143114,
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    "top_texts": [
      "The weight is definitely something to work on more for your health than anything else. I was 192kg at my highest and ended up getting weight loss surgery. I got down to 168kg and still haven’t had any sort of truly meaningful relationship. Strangely, the closest was when I was closer to my 192kg but she actually didn’t like me losing weight.",
      "And yup that solidifies it. I refuse to gain back what I lost. Mostly because I'm finally in a 'healthy' weight range but also THIS 😰",
      "Also congratulations on the weight lose journey you are on. I remember when you posted that you wanted to lose weight to feel better about yourself. I hope that its helping."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3483,
    "label": "The feature represents the use of creative writing or poetry as a deliberate medium for expressing internal emotional distress.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6472149361964806,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
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      "I wrote a poem on how I've been feeling lately. I awake from a slumber.\n\nGreeted by grogginess, ached as I sit up from the single mattress that lays dead.\n\nMy withered eyes, stare. \n\nThe carpet is lifeless. \n\nThe walls desiccated of paint. \n\nThe room is empty, yet suffocating. \n\nMy legs, like that of a wounded deer, drag my feet who feels the weight of burden from my body.\n\nI settle for a breath, meeting the ghost in the bathroom's mirror.\n\nNot even the coldest water can twitch a feeling on a face that bares no emotion.\n\nI slither away, wandering the empty halls of a house no longer inhabited.\n\nI hold still to a dusty window, convincing me for a touch.\n\nThe damp glass meets a soft short stroke.\n\nIt whimpers silently on my finger tip.\n\nThe dust then forgotten. \n\nThough the window brushed, only a smidge of clarity is born.\n\nAnd through that sliver, the window offers an eye what I fear is true. \n\nThe world behind, gone. \n\nIlluminated by a void of grey.\n\nThe mountainous of fog hails strong.\n\nI gaze, for there is nothing more than to gaze.\n\nThe dust will gather again.\n\nFalling like snow, landing as filth.\n\nAnd I once more will brush it away.\n\nHoping one day, my eye is blinded.",
      "Broken - a poem This body,\n\nA beautiful casket for a broken soul,\n\nLegs that walk but have no destination,\n\nEyes that once cried of laughter cry of loneliness,\n\nA tongue that tastes the sweetest things although everything tastes bland lately,\n\nEars that listened to stories with happy endings, now listen to the emptiness of my fate\n\nA heart that beats when all this soul wants is for it to silence itself,\n\nHands that pray now hold the blade, \n\nPlease rest this casket beneath the dirt,\n\nLet the earth consume me in an everlasting peaceful nothingness.",
      "A poem I just wrote A shrunken pain builds up in my heart,\n\na heaviness in my chest.\n\nAn empty feeling in my stomach,\n\nthat makes life meaningless.\n\nThe occasional sting on my arm,\n\nreminding me of my hardships.\n\nAt times I feel so lonely,\n\nlike there's no one I can trust.\n\nI cherish those few moments with my friends,\n\nbut in the end,\n\nlife is just a space between birth and death."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2903,
    "label": "The feature represents the explicit discussion and identification of Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD).",
    "pearson_r": 0.7024393586862704,
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      "Particularly because with AvPD they haven't figured out what causes it. There are a lot of things that correlate with AvPD but not enough to have a clear view of what causes it. So yeah, things can get a lot better, but there is no fully better. But there is still a chance of having a good and meaningful life.",
      "Either you don't have avpd or you've done a fantastic job at deluding yourself into thinking you're OK with it. Avpd isn't just about not socializing with friends. Im literally about to be homeless because I can't hold a job for longer than a month due to avpd. Its something that affects every part of your life.",
      "You shouldn't self-diagnosed. If you suspect having AvPD, you should check with a professional. "
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 480,
    "label": "The feature represents the specific phenomenology and behavioral manifestations of self-harm urges and methods.",
    "pearson_r": 0.801331671586643,
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      "Understanding my Disorder Okay so i have a depression and struggle with selfharm, but lets get to my question(s).\n- Why do i feel a urge to cut when im fine and even happy? \n I even go so far that i try to think off a reason to be sad etc. and I don't do it for attention cause i dont show/tell anyone, then why (Just a educated guess) ? \n\n###Sorry if this is not the right place to do this, so feel free to take it down### ",
      "We tend to self harm more with substance abuse than cutting, but it's doesn't mean we don't self harm.",
      "I've been self-harming for years now, but only recently has it become an addiction. I can't go more than a week without doing it, and I always feel the need to cut deeper and it gets to the point where I really can't control the urge and I fear I might seriously end up hurting myself or cut to beans (I do styros currently)."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 629,
    "label": "The feature represents the intersection of religious belief, spiritual ideation, and existential anxiety regarding divine judgment or supernatural influence.",
    "pearson_r": 0.8799130606769071,
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      "Religion As a Crutch For Motivation Hey everyone, \n\nSo I tried looking around and couldn't really find anyone else talking about this, but about a week ago I was thinking about whatever it may have been, but it led to me being curious about checking out a service one Sunday at one of the local Christian churches in my area. \nI hear all these stories from my grandparents and uncle (very Christian) about how God has helped them in their lives, and my whole life I've always found it kinda dumb or whatever, and now all the sudden when I'm 18 I started thinking about how I'm at a point right now where my girlfriend just moved about a 45 minute drive away (I don't have my license yet unfortunately, gotta love ADHD), but I love how much motivation she gives me to improve myself. \nJust realized I've been rambling on, but anyways what I'm trying to say is have any of you looked to religion as a source of motivation? Like the idea of building a relationship with God, and believing that he's watching over you because that thought kinda gives me this feeling like if there's something I need to do, and he's watching over me, I should just do whatever it is that I need to get done because he's watching over me and guiding me or whatever. Not really sure what I'm talking about because like I said, all my life I've thought going to church and believing in a God was kinda dumb, and I always hated having to go to church when my family and I were visiting my grandparents, but I'm kinda just lost as to where I wanna go with my life. \nSorry for the rambling but I'm just not really sure what I'm talking about, but if anyone understands and has some feedback it'd be greatly appreciated.\n\nTl;dr does anyone here follow a religion to find motivation to do things they don't want to, because your God is always watching over you and guiding you?",
      "Cause it’s fun. I don’t believe in the Christian god or stick strictly to any one established religion. Though I really enjoy Hindu interpretations of gods. For me I believe in at least some sort of beings in other dimensions or other realms, I believe there are entities we can’t always see or see at all, and to me that is the “god” I’m communicating with. I don’t think it’s necessarily controlling everything that happens here but more like it’s a bigger part of me, an extension of this realm, and the elements of nature and universe as a whole that I am seeking connection with. I don’t see my “god” or “gods” as really having anything to do with morals and I don’t think it’s gods job to prevent humans from doing bad things or to prevent us from going through hardships. To me, it’s a way of coping that I don’t think is harmful until people start trying to control other people with religion. I’ve felt things and experienced things that just don’t feel random and it’s more fun to think that it was “god” rather than not. I went through my “more rational than thou” atheist phase and it just feels better to me to consider something bigger than myself. I wasn’t even raised religious.",
      "Anyone MORE religious when they're on medication? I found a great deal of healing by following Episcopalian Christianity and \"finding Jesus,\" specifically a Jesus that wasn't trying to send me to Hell but rather help and heal me in ways that I cannot fathom.\n\nBut I noticed a cycle. Near the end of the month, when my injection wears off, I become very angry at God and disbelieving. My psychosis is tied directly to the belief of hell, and there is a negative correlation between my belief in hell and my belief in God. So when I'm psychotic, I think I'm going to Hell (or possibly am already in Hell) despite not being religious and not believing in God.\n\nWhich makes me wonder--did the antipsychotic CAUSE the belief in God or did the illness cause the disbelief? It's a chicken and egg situation, in a way. Which came first, my recovery, or the belief in Jesus? Did my belief cause my recovery or did my recovery cause my belief?\n\nAnyone have any similar situation?\n\nThank you for reading."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2408,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience of profound interpersonal mistrust and the erosion of faith in others.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5059644256269406,
    "pred_f1": 0.5882352941176471,
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      "How does one trust people? When every single one of them would bully the sh\\*t out of you if you got a stroke and your IQ lowered like 40 points? Would any of them really behave?",
      "My trust issues are ruining my life (I am very sorry for such a long post) I am 16 right now. I was happy growing up. I had a loving family. Until everything fell apart. I was in 5th grade and I am just playing with my toys. I hear a loud scream. (My father was in an accident the previous week and we were at my grandparents' house so that there was someone to help take care of him and us. My mum couldn't do it all on our own). I walk out of the room and find my father trying to hit my grandpa. He lifted a chair. I was in shock. I couldn't digest the fact that my father would try to hit the person who raised him all these years. I go to stop him and my mother stops me. My aunt and my uncle come, all the neighbours comes and there is a lot of screaming. My dad was always abusive (physically and verbally) to my mum and when my grandpa asked why he lifted his hand to hit him. After that everything was a blur and I just remember hugging my sister (who was 7 at that time) and crying my eyes out. Then my father gets kicked out of the house. My mother is holding us and crying and she agrees to divorce my father and raise us with my grandparents, aunt and uncle. I was surprisingly fine with. My father was a drunkard and an abusive man. It was a good thing that he went away. I wasn't as sad because I knew my mother was there. I trusted her. \nBIG MISTAKE.\n\n The following week I fell really sick. My mum took care of me. She was really loving and caring. I adored the way that she was strong and I thought that she would take care of me. I believed that my mum, sis and I would finally be happy. Exactly 7 days after my father left (I was still very sick) she tells my aunt that she wants to leave us here and go back to my father. She wanted to work things between her and my father. She said that she would come back for us. But she didn't. It has been 6 years since she left. I don't even know if she is dead or alive. My aunt has been raising us ever since. I am eternally grateful and I love my aunt so damn much. But I can't help but think if my mum were here would she understand me better? I should be happy but I am not. I don't trust a single person around me. I have lost a lot of friends and I broke up with my boyfriend this summer because I couldn't trust him. I loved him and he loved me more than I can imagine, but I couldn't help but think that one day, he too will leave me.\n\nI am not able trust anyone. When my parents didn't think I was worthy enough for their love, who else can love me?",
      "I have absolutely no trust in other people at all whatsoever. I know trust issues are not apart of the diagnostic criteria for AvPD, but I do wonder how many people here are the same way?"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4330,
    "label": "The feature represents the clinical or analytical discussion of diagnostic criteria and the conceptualization of symptoms.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6444372938919803,
    "pred_f1": 0.8,
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      "I mean the criteria are very clear… you have to have at least four of them. Either you have four symptoms or you don’t",
      "At least two of five main symptoms. Those symptoms, explained above, are delusions, hallucinations, disorganized or incoherent speaking, disorganized or unusual movements and negative symptoms.\nDuration of symptoms and effects. The key symptoms you have must last for at least one month. The condition’s effects (whether or not they meet the full criteria for the symptoms) must also last for at least six months.\nSocial or occupational dysfunction. This means the condition disrupts either your ability to work or your relationships (friendly, romantic, professional or otherwise).",
      "I generally try to not indulge myself in symptoms as much as possible, since this helps me live a life that at least on the surface would appear to be normal. :)"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 624,
    "label": "The feature represents physical sensations, visual disturbances, or medical concerns related to the eyes.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6563226438961817,
    "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666,
    "freq": 0.022886010065251917,
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      "i know it is true, for my own glasses have been gone for over 16 years, and i know what to do and what not to do in order to have my eyesight relax, my vision stay sharp, and my eyes happy.",
      "bupropion and eye sight I've started Bupropion a week ago. For the last couple of days my eye sight got worse. I know it can be one of the side effects. Will it pass in a few weeks as the other side effects supposed to? Or my eye sight will be bad as long as i take the medicine?",
      "sometimes my eyes feel so transparent, so rubbing them helps my eye lids feel real."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2065,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience of intense, transient, and cyclical hyperfocus on specific interests or hobbies.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7068123662218464,
    "pred_f1": 0.8,
    "freq": 0.029985265695861,
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      "Question: I often get really really into new hobbies. I'll get hyper focused on a hobby. I'll go from forum to forum, to web page to web page about them, and then it'll fade. It'll still be interesting to me, but it won't be enough to motivate me to work on it. Does anyone else experience this?\n\nThis is why I have no hobbies that I've perfected. I get to a point where I'm good at it, and then I lose interest and stop.\n\nFor example, over the period of a few months, I studied a ton about perfumery. Even went as far as making some custom fragrances. And then the feeling just faded away.\n\nIt's been the same chain of events for so many hobbies. ",
      "How do you guys balance hyperfocus/engagement with the stuff you like and prevent it from taking over your life? Most of the examples I've found in my life revolve around certain games, but it's occasionally happened with other hobbies as well. At first my interest is fairly mild, only a few hours a week, if that. However, very quickly I end up in a situation where it just takes over my entire life and I can't stop thinking about it.\n\nAs an example, few years ago I used to play DotA 2, and it quickly turned into the only game I used to play and a horrible kind of coping mechanism for my depression before my diagnosis and treatment. Over the course of three years I put almost 3600 hours into it, and to be perfectly honest I wasn't even that good. Once I managed to kick that, I kept an eye out for any game that started to take up the same kind of mental space and made sure to drop them, but I wasn't paying attention to hobbies in general and instead got sucked into a totally different rabbit hole trying to build an electric longboard.\n\nA few thousand dollars later I managed to get off of that as well (only after fracturing my arm and being unable to ride for a few weeks), and now I'm just wondering if this is what the my interests are going to be like for the rest of my life. Either I stick to the stuff I find only mildly appealing and just kinda float by watching people stream themselves doing the stuff I really want to get into, or I get into that stuff myself and risk obsessing over it to the point where my life is horribly affected.",
      "I don't know if I have any interests that could be construed as \"special interests\". I guess the closest thing might be the fact I read gay fiction almost exclussively and am somewhat addicted to rp'ing. Other than that, I have an alarming amount of hobbies and interests to the point it's almost impossible for me to focus on even just a couple for any significant period of time."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 4831,
    "label": "The feature represents the somatic experience of physical anxiety symptoms centered on the heart.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5835366109792312,
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      "heart racing as well.",
      "in my heart.",
      "in my heart."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 69,
    "label": "This feature represents anxiety and cognitive dissociation specifically related to the act of driving a vehicle.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6019604170620911,
    "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666,
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      "she remembers she is driving right?",
      "she remembers she is driving right?",
      "I'm 27 and I can't get my drivers license Constantly I am told I have to start driving, I have to get a license, it's like a rite of passage or something. \nI didn't feel compelled to go for the test until I was 21, after so much pressure from those I know. I used the online practice tests available, and tried to answer the questions as best I could, but the official test doesn't allow one wrong answer. I made a wrong answer which bummed me out, the workers at the road school made me do it again, but I was so burnt up from the first failure I tanked even worse. \n\nI feel like such a loser for letting something so trivial stop me, I want to get my license and drive like people tell me to, everyone around me is getting their licenses, even kids next door to me who are only 16. \n\nIt doesn't help that many I know will shame me if I admit to not having a license, sometimes I get tempted to just make up that I have a disease or something so they will get off my back.\n\nSorry for posting something so trivial here, I guess I'm just drunk (again) and feeling abit frustrated.\n\nI feel intense anxiety when I even use the practice dummy tests they have on these websites. I don't really know if I actually WANT to drive a car, and I know it would make everything easier such as transport wise. \n\nHas anyone else been through this? Trying to get past this one tiny but fucking infuriating part of their life that they don't feel they can get through?"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1476,
    "label": "The feature represents the conscious or self-aware pursuit of attention through the performative display of mental health struggles or self-harm.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5523060897787772,
    "pred_f1": 0.5882352941176471,
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      "I'm diagnosed with HPD. My main way of getting attention is playing a victim by constantly oversharing about my mental health issues, self-harm, and other stuff. Whenever I'm craving for a specific person's attention it's like I automatically get sad so that I'm able to \"vent\" to them and get their sympathy and worry.",
      "Need for attention Is the need for attention also a part of BPD? \n\nI was “diagnosed” with it only a few weeks ago but I had suspected it myself for a while. Ever since I got the confirmation, I feel a bit revealed but also more confused.\n \nNow I have this urge to create some drama to a few of my friends, like something minor has happened to me. So I could get their attention. I actually just want one specific person’s attention from the group. \n",
      "The difference between depression/suicidal and just looking for attention I don't know what the difference is because the lines seem blurred. Attention helps curb the suicidal thoughts but of course is not a cure. At the same time any attention directly correlated to my instigation of it feels hollow and incomplete. \n\nThe only sort of attention that I truly find value in is completely of their (the other person's) own accord. Is this wrong? How do I change this?\n\nI seem to swing very quickly between feeling valued and feeling completely useless. Too often it is the latter. Can I practice being in the middle somehow to find some balance?"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1487,
    "label": "The feature represents the conceptual struggle with the presence, absence, or paradoxical nature of hope in the context of chronic mental health challenges.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5547055716177842,
    "pred_f1": 0.75,
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      "What I'm saying is there is hope. There always is that. Just live out the shit days and see what the morning brings.",
      "Hope fuels my depression: a paradox I've always had trouble trusting people due to my borderline personality and chronic depression, but there was one person I trusted more than anybody else—the person I considered my closest friend.\n\nI was always honest with her about my depression, loneliness, and anger, because I thought that kind of honesty was essential in true friendship. But in the end that honesty did me more harm than good.\n\nI know she and our mutual friends will never empathize with me. I know they will always see me as a villain with impure intentions, that toxic friend that should be discarded like trash.\n\nThis is where hope comes in. I still hope they'd try to understand where I'm coming from. I still hope they'd make an effort to reach out with love and compassion and understanding.\n\nIt's this hope that's preventing me from accepting the harsh truth that they hate me. Because of this hope, I'm stuck in this miserable rut, unable to move forward with my life.\n\nI wish there was a way to kill this hope. I've already blocked them on all social media so that it would be extremely difficult for them to contact me. But I still hope that they would try. Because if they truly loved me, they'd figure out a way. They'd never allow someone they cherished to be isolated to stew in their own agony.\n\nIt's this hope that's making me suicidal. If I ended my life, that would end any hope I still harbor, and I wouldn't have to suffer anymore. I'd finally have the peace I've always craved in all my unhappy years of this so-called life.",
      "How are you supposed to have hope? So I've been through two major depressive episodes in the last 3 years. One lasted almost an entire year and the other is still ongoing. Between those two periods of time were a few months of absolute bliss where i felt like I was actually living instead of just surviving. Then it all fell apart. I told my therapist today that I don't see the point in working towards that blissful feeling again if it isn't going to last and my life is just going to fall apart once more. She told me I need to have hope that these episodes won't last forever and that I can work towards minimizing them. But right now it just seems so futile. I want to keep trying but I'm slowly losing the will to."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3956,
    "label": "The feature represents the struggle with morning executive dysfunction and the difficulty of maintaining a consistent wake-up routine.",
    "pearson_r": 0.568348975281957,
    "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579,
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      "How to always wake up on time and start off your day motivated     I've been doing this since all they way back in middle school. If I have to wake up early for something I try to plan out my morning the night before.  For example work at 9, I will set 1/2 alarms,depending if I wanna risk the 1 alarm, 1 hour before I want to wake up.\n    \n    I take 70mg Vyvanse and I've discovered it kicks in almost exactly 1 hour maybe a little more if I got food in my stomach. So I need to be up by 8 so I wake up at 6:55 take my pill and almost always pass out immediately after and then 1 hour later my eyes open wide and I just feel so ready to take on all my responsibilities and duties. It's a much better start to the day when you wake up ready to take on the world. It completely cuts out the whole crappy morning process every person on this sub dreads and it cuts straight to productivity. Anybody who dreads mornings and waking up in particular this will absolutely change your perspective on them.\n\n    If you take Adderall xr I believe that's more around the 30 minute area so just adjust accordingly.\n\n    Also with smaller doses it will still work but the medicine may not be strong enough to wake you up so I would set alarms for wake up times as well.\n",
      "Waking up/ morning routine Any other experience difficulty waking up in the morning? I genuinely feel like I will never be able to graduate university / hold down a job/ be punctual for appointments because i can’t wake up and complete a morning routine.\n\nAlarms have never worked for me. My body doesn’t react to them. Even after I am somewhat awake Leaving my bed, doing menial tasks (brushing, wearing makeup, getting dressed ) is extremely hard sometimes waking up at 2 or 3 pm. \n\nDespite taking medication, I’m irritable and unfocused in the morning. (Anytime before 2pm basically) \nAny apps/ tips that have worked for others?",
      "What helps you get past the grogginess in the morning? This is probably one of my biggest frustrations - finding the 'secret magic sauce' to waking up/not being groggy in the morning. Without my husband's help, I'd probably never wake up at a reasonable time. \n\nSo far I have a good evening routine, I have  30 minute warning before bedtime (and a bedtime alarm) and I have 8.5 hours between my 'bedtime' and morning alarm. Right now that means 7.5 hours of sleep or so. I am waking up when I want to, and I have my medicine schedule down and a decent morning routine, but I am STILL groggy for at least 2 hours minimum. \n\nI'm choosing not to drink caffeine right now because I'm currently switching to a gluten free diet (yay another thing I have to figure out.....) and I try to make sure I drink plenty of water. It could very easily just be this diet change that is making things difficult for me, but I either way I still figure it can't hurt to get some community insight on how you tackle your mornings ;)\n\n**What do you do that gets you alert in the AM?** Even if it takes you and hour or and hour and a half that would be a win! LOL**.** \n\n**Also, are there things you've found that HINDER your waking up/grogginess going away?** Like certain foods or routines?"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 253,
    "label": "The feature identifies the seeking, sharing, or discussion of bibliotherapy and educational resources for mental health support.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6938932410409328,
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    "top_texts": [
      "Reading suggestions Hey guys. Is anyone else into reading books lately? I like self help stuff, psychology, among other things, but I was curious about what you guys like to read and if you have any good books you'd recommend. I just finished \"A Secret Sadness\" by Valerie Whiffen. I found it pretty interesting and helpful, as she talks a lot about attachment styles and different factors that affect our personalities and how we act in relationships. I always really enjoy seeing a parallel to my feelings and life whether it's fiction or not. What's your favorite book?",
      "What book can I read about BPD? I have a friend with BPD, and I've been reading \"I hate you, don't leave.\" I'm kind of worried that book might be kind of outdated, but I don't wanna either buy a book that end up not helping or worsen the situation. Is that book still a good guide, or I need to read another one (and which one)?",
      "Also, I have read Stop Walking on Eggshells, and while I think it does have a lot of really good information in it, it feels like it villainizes us at times. There's a book the specialist recommended to me during that meeting - \"The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide\" - and I've been reading it. It's been very compassionate and well written. I hate you - Don't Leave Me is also pretty good."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1399,
    "label": "The feature represents a state of chronic, pervasive anhedonia and existential boredom characterized by a lack of interest or stimulation in daily life.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5209008506570864,
    "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579,
    "freq": 0.025105723416062306,
    "mean_pos": 5.55288553237915,
    "top_texts": [
      "For me, boredom occurs when things are too repetitive or normal. Things become numb and mundane. Normal just doesn’t cut it anymore. I need something intense to pull me out of the numbness.",
      "is being bored a common trait? i get bored at everything i do. nothing is new or interesting. watching a new movie? i can figure it out within minutes of watching. nothing excites me anymore\n\nTL:DR is boredom related to adhd?",
      "Does anybody else feel bored all the time Do you also have a constant feeling of boredom even though you're doing something because nothing interests you anymore? And you're just doing things to pass the time even though you dont enjoy it"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 1398,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience of psychiatric hospitalization and the evaluation of inpatient mental health care.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6320419125013876,
    "pred_f1": 0.75,
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      "It's not weird that you want to go. I'd say that if you want to go, you should try to, especially if you feel like KMS or SH. Better safe than sorry.\n\nI'm also in the US. I've been hospitalized 12 times since about 1990. Some of my experiences have been good to excellent, some less so, but none have been a waste of time. I agree with a previous poster that if you check yourself in, stay as long as suggested - do not check out early even if you can. If you need respite, you need respite. Do not guilt yourself into leaving early (or not even going) because you have 'too much to do' or 'so many responsibilities.' If you had the strength to handle those responsibilities, you wouldn't be seeking respite. Listen to your heart, not the voice your boss implanted in your head. Without your health and sanity, what do you have left? I used to do that BS with both physical and psychological problems: I remember once going to work with a fever of 105°F (40.5°C) - I shouldn't even have stayed at home. I should have gone to the hospital, not to work -- and my boss guilted me when I got to work. If part of you calls for self-care in an emergency, listen to it. \n\nMy usual modus operandi is to go to an ER at the best hospital in the area. When in doubt, go to the nearest university hospital. In NYC, I recommend NYP or Mt Sinai. It depends on where you live, I guess. The advantage of going to a university hospital (or at least a large hospital) is that they will have the facilities to look for and treat any physical problems which may or may not be affecting your mental health. \n\nExpect to spend anywhere from a few hours to a few days waiting for an opening in an inpatient facility. Don't lose hope and leave. The entire inpatient experience is not what I would call fun, and often the food and company leaves something to be desired, but respite is respite. My meds routinely get evaluated and sometimes doses or meds are changed up or down. In my case, with severe treatment-resistant depression, I am sometimes given ECT. Do not turn it down if offered. It's not painful, it doesn't burn out your memory and and it's the gold standard treatment for depression. Some of the scare stories used to be true, but they definitely aren't true now (I had some last week, actually).\n\nMy stays have lasted anywhere from 10 to 22 days. It's not a vacation, but it is worth going. Unfortunately, considering the state of American healthcare, your insurance company will want you to be discharged before you're fully ready but after the initial crisis has passed. It's not enough, but it's better than nothing. \n\nBefore you get discharged, you will be set up with follow-up services of varying amounts of support. That can vary anywhere from day treatment to monthly medication management. Try to get the most support you feel comfortable getting, and keep your appointments etc. Nobody is going to force you to do anything when in the ward or after you leave, but it's important to remember why you went in the first place. You felt you needed help. Let yourself take as much help as is offered for as long as possible. Sometimes you may struggle against that help, but that's just your self-sabotage talking. Ignore it just like you should ignore the boss' voice. On some level, you wanted help, so try not to reject it when it's offered. On some level, you want to lessen your symptoms and dysfunctionality, even if it doesn't always feel that way. Keep your eyes on the ball. Listen to the voice that says \"you can get better. You can make a better life for yourself.\"\n\nOne more suggestion: be as honest with your treatment team as possible. It may be embarrassing sometimes, but the more they know, the better your treatment will be. Seriously - nobody benefits if you lie or ignore things. Remember: doctors and nurses have seen and heard it all. Everything. Stuff you seriously can't imagine. You're not going to shock them, and they won't look down on you or humiliate you. Even if your treatment team is sub-par, they will try to help you to the best of their abilities and resources. When you help them do their jobs you'll get better faster and better than you think you will. Let the experts be experts. Don't leave all the decisions to them, but they did spend a lot of time learning and practicing their profession, so they're worth listening to at least.\n\nThat's pretty much everything I can think of at this point, except perhaps to say that I have never regretted my inpatient stays in the long run, even for the one which was kind of frightening (11 days in Bellevue Hospital).\n\nIf you have any questions, please feel free to ask here or send me a message.\n\nTake care of yourself for a change. ♥️",
      "I feel anxious about being hospitalized After admitting how bad my symptoms are to my Dr and feeling suicidal throughout the day, she said It would be helpful for me to be hospitalized for a while. I also had an appointment with an other doctor today who supported my Dr's opinion. Even though i was feeling like committing suicide was the right thing to do, the thought of being hospitalized scared me a little. Have you ever been hospitalized?",
      "Went to the hospital for help and it was an inhumane, demeaning, disgusting experience. I went to the hospital Monday night and it ended up being one of the most inhumane, demeaning, disgusting things I have ever experienced in my life.\n\nI thought I was going to get help...and instead what I got was inordinate amounts of blood drawn (unnecessary, I am in excellent physical health and got blood drawn recently), an IV needle placed in my arm which wasn't used, forced to remain in a bed a foot too short comparable to a rock with a paper thin blanket while the door to the room is wide open with a long hallway with an array of lights on 24/7, a nursing assistant sitting in a chair in front of my room at all times, threatened by a nurse to be tied down by security to the bed after expressing that I felt worse being present there and my desire to leave, and then finally forced to go to a mental hospital against my will. Even with my parents present they refused to let me close the door to try to get some sleep...Between the lights, discomfort of being watched and noise I didn't get any sleep. And I don't mean 1-2 low quality hours. I mean legitimately, no sleep whatsoever. My so called \"plan\" was not eating or drinking, and ironically it was about 6-7 hours before I was offered so much as a glass of water while there, and I did eat/drink of my own free will while there. I pleaded with the social worker & psychiatrist to let me go home and get help that doesn't involve being essentially locked up like a wild animal against my will but they had their minds made up before talking to me. \n\nWhy? As per her words, because they didn't want the hospital to be liable. \n\nThe conditions where I was transferred to were much worse than what I would envision jail to be like. The smell of the food made me feel like throwing up. Being stripped of your freedom is something you can't truly understand until you experience it yourself. Thankfully the doctor at the hospital I was transferred to, god bless his soul, had the human decency that nearly all of the other people I interacted with didn't and agreed that I shouldn't have been there to begin with and that the hospital's liability was placed ahead of my best interests and he let me go home today. \n\nI don't know if this is commonplace or not, but it was an extremely traumatic and disgusting experience and my trust in healthcare is completely gone and I wont let this go. I'm in disbelief that something like this is allowed to happen and want to do my part to make sure that other people in genuine need of help don't have to experience the nightmare that I've been through the past 2 days."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3221,
    "label": "The feature represents the practical, administrative, and financial challenges of navigating disability support systems and government benefits.",
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      "I hate to give your ex any ammo, technically per the government of Canada at least, I think it can be considered a disability. But I have it. And like the other poster said. Nothing wrong with that",
      "You do understand that with some disabilities there is no \"change of circumstance on the table\", right? The available changes are from being alive to being dead, or from being in a bad condition to being in a worse one?",
      "I cant do a push up. My arms are almost useless. I need to get surgery, but my parents aren't exactly in the picture and can't support me while I take time off of work to get the surgery. Would I be able to qualify for disability to be able to support myself so that I can get surgery? if not, what kind of options do I have?"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3700,
    "label": "The feature represents the conceptual distinction and classification of introversion, schizoid personality traits, and social anxiety.",
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      "I don't think I'd be able to date an introverted person, let alone a schizoid one. As stated in previous comments, it would be way too much work for way too little return. I might be able to lift off an extroverts energy to be a somewhat interesting person for the other, but with another schizoid it would be way too dull and neither would really initiate anything substantial. I honestly think a relationship wouldn't even form in the first place.",
      "Maybe introversion or schizoid. It depends on if you have interest in social interactions or not. Schizoids do avoid interactions, but there's no fear or anxiousness. AvPD is sometimes confused with Schizoid. AvPD used to fall under schizoid until they realized that they are distinct and different in some ways.",
      "People who are shy and socially anxious are often introverted, but everyone who qualifies as an introvert isn’t necessarily shy or socially anxious. I am very outgoing and social but still greatly value my time alone. I process the world inside my own head and prefer to spend most of my time in thought rather than in conversation, but it’s not because I’m shy."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 2680,
    "label": "The feature represents the use of film and television as a medium for emotional regulation, escapism, or self-reflection.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6377181916635354,
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      "Anyone else dive into movies/tv when theyre feeling low? I'm a big movie buff, and I ever since I was a teenager, escaping into movieland was my go-to way of dealing (or in fact, *avoiding*) with life, depressed or not.\n\nWhen I grew up and realized the extent of my anxiety and depression, I looked at some movies/TV a bit differently. \n\nMy main favorite shows are cartoons, and my all time favorite is Futurama. When I put in any of the seasons, I feel like I'm home. Not totally metaphorically either - the actual settings (like the Planet Express building interiors) make me feel more comfortable.\n\nDoes that make sense to anyone? Does anyone else have a movie or show they feel this way about?",
      "I watched the Wes Anderson movie The Squid and the Whale recently, 13 years after my parents divorce and it made me cry like a fucking baby. Hate movies like that. Will not watch Marriage Story.",
      "Otherwise I can tear up i.g. watching documentaries about animals being hurt for no reason (like shark fin soups, frack), but the feeling goes away the second the film is done."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 1931,
    "label": "The theme is the psychological impact of travel, including the stress, anxiety, or coping mechanisms associated with being away from home.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6604592295792748,
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      "I've traveled a lot and also was an expat for more than a decade. I have generally enjoyed traveling, and found it to be beneficial. There are a few pointers I would like to offer which may help ensure that you have a good time.\n\n1. Make sure that your visas are in order and that you pay attention to when they expire. The same goes for flights, trains and buses. Making sure that all of that goes as smoothly as possible will save you unnecessary stress.\n\n2. Make sure that you have more than enough money. It's better to bring some home than to have to deal with the stress of running out of funds.\n\n3. Make sure that you carry your meds in your carry-on bag. Make sure that you have enough for your entire trip or that you can easily get more when you need them. Note: some countries will hassle you for bringing in meds. In others, you can buy your meds over the counter. As with the points above - research and prepare before you go, so you can enjoy a stress free vacation.\n\n4. Be careful about buying and using recreational drugs: depending on where you go, tourists are seen as easy marks by both dealers and cops. I'm not saying *don't use recreational drugs*. Just be careful.\n\n5. Expect things to go wrong. When they do, keep your cool as much as possible. This is especially true in cultures where emotional displays are frowned upon. Losing your temper in Asia will only result in your *not* getting what you want. It's not enough to *act* relaxed. Try to actually *stay* relaxed. Being on vacation can help with that, but always keep a little radical acceptance in your pocket.\n\n6. Spend more time in fewer places. Airports, train stations etc are basically identical worldwide, and I find that being on the road itself combines stress and boredom -- a lovely pair for anybody, but for someone with BPD it can be awful.\n\nIf you want specific suggestions/advice about any of the following countries, feel free to ask.\n\nPhilippines\nVietnam\nThailand\nCambodia\nSouth Korea\nUSA\n\nHave a wonderful time!",
      "Just as you understand why your dad is trying to do what he's doing, your dad needs to understand why you do what you do. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming he had good intentions in doing this, but is unintentionally causing you stress, so I'd recommend setting boundaries; tell him after the trip ends that you didn't enjoy it (for the reasons you listed here) and that you'd rather him save his money for something fun for himself (e.g. with $300 he could have had a hell of a time at a casino or something). If anything, this is an opportunity to convince him of how serious you were when you said you didn't want to go.",
      "I'm (19m) audhd. And I just hate travelling or vacation or whatever. I hate being away from the safety of my room cause it has all my things that bring me comfort. So when I gotta leave it and go visit someone far away, it brings me so much anxiety."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 1891,
    "label": "The feature represents the emotional significance and complex psychological attachment—or detachment—individuals experience in their relationships with pets.",
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      "Great question! I like how animals make me feel. I had a rabbit, and I lived with two cats, they weren't technically mine. \n\nAnd so in my case, I like what animals provide me, and how they make me feel. But I don't like animals itself. They make me feel better than them (I know that might sounds stupid, but if you think about it, people will fight it if you show them that you're better than them, pets won't), but also they provide me with some sense of \" closeness\" to another live being without me having to accept are equality. I think they are perfect human replacement for me. But I don't know how much of it comes from narcissm. \n\nMy rabbit got sick and was misdiagnosed by a vet. What led to disturbing last days (he couldn't move his legs and then had trouble breathing), I'm now sure why we didn't put him down now that I think about, I think it was stupid hope that he'll get better and I think that vet convinced us that if we follow his prescribed treatment he'll get better. To the point, I loved my rabbit in my own way, but when I was looking at him struggling and dying, it was disturbing, but I didn't feel sad. More of an angry that he is going to die and I won't have my loved rabbit anymore. But for some reason, the thought of getting a new one \"to replace\" him didn't feel right. And never considered it seriously. \n\nI still love playing with pets of other people's. But I'm not planning to get another pet for now because I don't want to be taking care of it, I don't want to be responsible for a live being, and I don't want it to die before I do.",
      "My cat is my favorite human. I struggle to feel (enough) empathy for animals I don't have a bond with - though I'd never ever hurt them or anything, my empathy for them is much more present than what I have for people. I had a kitten a few years ago and I got anxiety being around her because I just couldn't bond with her for some reason, but I still cried when she got poisoned by something she ate outside and died, after having her for two months. I got the cat I have now only a few weeks later, and the connection was instant. She's awesome.",
      "This is how I’ve been feeling lately and how I felt during my last psychotic episode. I feel like an animal, specifically a cat or a coyote. I thought maybe therian too but when I made a post it was basically rejected too \n:( I don’t feel fully human. I feel more comfortable being perceived as an animal. I will even meow like a cat a lot. I don’t know, it’s stressful though"
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  {
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    "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of hyper-focusing and the struggle to regulate attention.",
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      "What’s wrong with hyper focusing? Looking for advice. Everyone says that it’s a bad thing or something to be minimised but I love it. \n\nI feel like a god when I hyper focus I get so much work done and am incredibly detail orientated. Sure sometimes I forget to eat and struggle to sleep but surly that’s a worthy trade off?\n\nI suppose maybe I’m lucky to have friends that ground me and are patient when I hyper focus. (As I can get a bit short if distracted from my target) \n\nIs this a bad thing? Tell me about your negative experiences with hyper focusing. ",
      "I cant hecking focus Im homeschooled because there was drama in my last school, and its my final year of high school. It's so hard to focus on the classes and it just feels like im losing my mind! Last semester i nearly failed because i got so behind on my lessons, and i feel as though this semester will be the exact same because even in an absolutely silent environment with no distractions, i somehow manage to goof around instead of doing lessons. Like, this morning i got up 3 hours ago, and for the last hour and a half i have been making origami birds! Idek how I started and now theres just a pile of different sized birds on my desk and paper everywhere. it just feels like im in this endless cycle of procrastination and it sucks...",
      "Completely agree - to feel it all deeper, to drown myself completely into the inner world, focus and solitude are required. But I can wait for moments of silence being alone in my room.\n\nIt's normal that the inner world slides to the back of your mind as your brain cannot hold both world alive and in focus at the same time. Take it easy."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3962,
    "label": "The feature represents the concept of \"father\" or \"dad\" as a specific familial figure.",
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      "my dad was, and is, an avid cyclist.",
      "he was my dad.",
      "But his dad is great, and supportive. Where did daddy issues come from?"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 2731,
    "label": "The feature represents the conceptual analysis and questioning of the nature, definition, and capacity for empathy.",
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      "I think this gets a bit misunderstood to be honest.  A real lack of empathy is something that shows up in action towards others not so much in how you feel.  \n\nIf your friends father dies and you don’t share their pain that’s not a serious issue in my opinion but if you leave your 6 month old baby crying because it’s hungry and swimming in it’s own piss and shit so you can go out drinking because that’s more important to you than your babies well being, that is more in line with a complete lack of empathy in my opinion.  From my experience people who have this level of empathy tend to lie about it and make excuses for it and attempt to justify it",
      "So they have no emotional connection but can have empathy? I'm really confused as to how that can be possible. Don't you need *some* emotional response to really have empathy?",
      "This is not something I can answer really and it's also not something I think about.  To me it comes down to do you have the capacity to care and feel for someone else when they are really in a bad spot and they really don't deserve it.  I can absolutely I can also kill someone off in my mind to the point they are completely dead to me. \n\n So selective empathy if someone did something bad to a family member I would care.  I think selective empathy is pretty normal so I don't know where I sit in comparison.  Ironically lack of empathy was one of my symptoms so was lack of remorse and I've said it before on here it was never asked how i feel about other peoples feelings its not how they diagnosed me they judged by something I did and how I was reacting while talking about it which apparently I wasn't showing enough concern about the \"victim\" and was only focused on my case and proving I was right so this is how it happened with me, how I felt about it was never even asked. So this was interpreted as a lack of guilt/remorse and empathy because i just wasn't being empathetic or concerned enough for their tastes"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 437,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience of social anxiety and cognitive preoccupation regarding verbal communication and overthinking.",
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      "Ugh. My med makes me too talkative. Any techniques to be more concise and avoid rambling? Noticing co-workers and other \"friends\" remind me of my verbosity. \n\nI just figured they can't keep up with my brilliance but how do I slow this crazy train down? Anyone experience similar issues?\n\nThanks.",
      "i cant speak to people anymore i cant even force myself to say anything because i overthink too much. i hate it.",
      "Overtalking/oversharing during first few hours of Adderall. I noticed that I talk a lot after Adderall kicks in for an hour, can anyone offer any tips or help me understand why this happens? \n\nI work at a hospital and sometimes when I get really excited, I start to talk to some of the other providers and I feel like I am distracting them. I want to stop but sometimes I totally forget that I'm talking excessively. It makes me sad but I need to learn how to control it. \n\nAny tips/advice will help! Thank you (: <3"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 2338,
    "label": "The feature represents the psychological construct of perceived agency and the internal struggle for control over one's autonomy and self-identity.",
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      "A Which dimensional entity is the one that can control everyone and is basically everyone.. and everyone is technically dead in a sense with no free will of their own?",
      "The person giving up that control in the first place, allows them to be controlled.",
      "I think the need to feel in control is actually a fear of being controlled or losing control.  I think it happens in a response to the kind of childhood they had.  Where they were dominated and controlled by a parental figure and they learned to deal with this by flipping the roles around and becoming the ones that need control.  To them it is better to be the one in control than to be controlled and since they have black and white thinking these are the only two possible options to them.\n\nI don’t really know I’m not a psychologist I just believe, which is I get this idea from many psychologists who write about personality disorders and these type of pathologies but these traits don’t usually manifest for no reason there is something that teaches the person at a young age to act this way.  As far as blame externalization someone with a pd does what they do just like anyone else it’s a response to how they experience the world which is all a pd really is.  They experience reality differently so to them they are right, they believe it is other peoples fault and that they had it coming or deserved it.  This is just what they truly believe."
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  {
    "feature_id": 1512,
    "label": "The feature represents the psychological distress and social isolation specifically triggered by the COVID-19 pandemic and lockdown measures.",
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      "Coronavirus will help me kms Be me, 21 y o  stuck at my parents home for quarantine in shithole paris\nSchool is 600km away, no school so i came to stay with them\nGirlfriend and friends are 600km away, parents took my computer and credit card so i don't waste my time on computer all day,  while they're spending all the day in the couch watching tv news about this virus\n\nI'm wasting my time here, doing push ups and doing nothing on my bed all day\nNo one talks to me in that family, no one actually cares about anything except work or this virus \nI miss my girlfriend so much, my friends even more, life is joyless in this house\n\nI can't even look for a job or write motivation letter without my computer, i don't know if finding me dead in my room will actually make them realize how wrong they are about me",
      "Coronavirus lockdown Thanks to the Coronavirus lockdown i realized how the people i thought i could call friends actually don't care about me. It made me realize that all the moments together were possible not beacuse they enjoyed my presence but because they were forced to have me with them. I used to go out with them a lot but just before this lockdown they started to hang out without me every time they could. They started speaking in code (i know it may sounds fake but it's the truth) so i wouldn't understand. I'm probably never going to see some of them again (i hope so, i can just imagine some sort of fake reaction like \"omg hey, how are you\") if things keep going as they are. Now the bad part is that in this goup of friends there's the girl i like, for which i've done so much but now even her text to me only if she need something (she always did it but she also texted just for fun or to ask me to hang out). It's been 2 month since the lockdown started here in Italy and none of these friends texted me just to ask if everything was ok.\n\nPls share your thoughts. I really want to know what you guys think about this.",
      "Covid This quarantine has made me feel so lonely. I lost my job. My mental health is going to shit... I am trying my best keeping myself busy but I can only distract myself from these feelings for so long. Eventually I’m going to explode .... please stay inside. Be safe. A lot of need this shitty world to go back to “normal.”"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 906,
    "label": "The feature represents discourse regarding gender-based differences, social dynamics, and identity in the context of mental health experiences.",
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      "What statistics say about depression To keep it brief , average statistics say that number of suicides of males is double than that of females in almost every country. \n\nIf you rack up numbers no. of males struggling with depression and loneliness is much higher than women .\n\nEven with women who have depression are those who either were In a relationship or multiple relationships. \n\nMeanwhile there are guys who never been in relationships. \n\nSo isn't it true that females hijack attention from guys, when in reality it's the guys who are struggling ?\n\nOn top of that there is drama of feminism to further mentally abuse men .",
      "In patriarchal societies, traditional gender roles often emphasize male dominance and control. This can normalize or romanticize aggressive behaviors in men, leading to an environment where violence is seen as a form of masculinity or power. \nThis normalization can affect how women perceive and respond to aggression in relationships. Women raised in patriarchal societies may internalize norms that associate aggression with strength or masculinity. \nThis socialization might influence some women to accept or seek out aggressive partners, believing that such behavior signifies strength or commitment. ",
      "You're relating to human beings that have experienced similar trauma to you. The gender of the person doesn't need to factor and I'm sure it feels like you relate more to women, because more women have taken measures to speak out about their experiences to protect others as we are usually socialised to prioritize others needs over our own. In this case, women sharing traumatic experiences to keep others safe and leaving ourselves vulnerable to others opinions is quite common"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 2390,
    "label": "The feature represents the etiology and development of personality disorders through the interplay of genetics and environmental factors.",
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      "Trauma, neglect and/or abuse in early childhood. All personality disorders are linked to something happening to you in the years where personality is formed, which disturbs said formation.\nGenetics may be a factor, but so far it's not \"just\" genetics, environmental factors play a major role in how a person develops.",
      "I agree, but we don't know what causes personality disorders. There's no direct causal link between trauma or even genetics. Experts say that there's correlating evidence that suggests genetics and environment both account for development (50% each). From what I've read, without genetics or temperament the disorders wouldn't form even when exposed to trauma. Also, there's some evidence to suggest that some Avoidants experienced no childhood trauma at all. We know people with cluster C disorders experience less trauma when compared to the other clusters. Anyways, it appears to be both genetics and environmental factors.",
      "Most professionals agree that the development of any personality disorder, including Schizoid Personality Disorder, is a combination of genetic influences and environmental factors."
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    "label": "The feature represents the discussion and evaluation of specific antidepressant medications, particularly SSRIs and SNRIs.",
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    "top_texts": [
      "Switching from Zoloft to Effexor Has anyone had any luck with Effexor? All the stories I've read are about how it fucked up their lives...\n\nI got back on Zoloft a few months ago and since then I've had a whole slew of side effects that really made life difficult so I had a follow up today and told my Dr I wanted to switch to something different, so he suggested Effexor since I haven't had much luck with SSRI's (i was on lexapro about 5-6 years back and it was hell). Is there anyone who's had a good experience with it, and any major side effects I should watch out for? \n\nWith Zoloft, it completely killed my appetite, my migraines got much worse, I was sleeping 12 hours a day and could barely stay awake, and my anxiety was worse. ",
      "Has an SSRI or SNRI actually worked for you? Ah, I meant a**** SSRI... Anyways...\n\nI've tried 3 SSRI's-- Prozac (shaking, tremors, ineffective, no libido), Zoloft (ineffective, dry mouth), Celexa (ineffective, dry mouth, no libido). None worked.\n\nMy doc just started me on Cymbalta, which is an SNRI. So far, I think it is working? I feel happier, I suppose but I still sleep all day and have no desire to do anything.\n\nMaybe I am misdiagnosed, but I don't know anyone personally whose depression has improved through anti-depressants.\n\nWhat is your experience? What has worked for you?",
      "I’m just curious, how did Zoloft work for you? I just started taking Zoloft for depression. Right now I’m on 25mg but will be increasing to 50mg. I was taking lexapro but it made me really sick when I first started taking it, and then after several months I started gaining weight on it. So far no rly bad side effects like I had with lexapro. I’m just hoping the weight doesn’t come on. So far I’ve been losing weight due to diet changes."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2538,
    "label": "The feature represents the expression of existential regret and the desire for non-existence or a different reality.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5599636792095521,
    "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579,
    "freq": 0.024110679500181788,
    "mean_pos": 4.982470512390137,
    "top_texts": [
      "i wish i had.",
      "I wish things were different. I wish I was stronger, so that I'd be able to cope better with the circumstances I'm in. I wish my daughter wasn't in the hospital again, that she and my wife could just be home and my family could be whole. I wish I didn't have to consider the alternatives. I wish I was a better dad, so that I could do a better job with my kids when mom and sister are away, instead of fighting back the urge to yell, to curse, to cry. I wish I was rich, so that I didn't have to worry about how bills would be paid in the next 5 days. I wish I could afford a babysitter so I could work to fix that.\n\nI wish I had help, but I wish I didnt need it. I wish I didn't feel like I was lying everytime I tell my wife and kids that its all going to be alright. I wish I could feel better when people tell me that.\n\nI wish that i wasn't so isolated that I dumped my burdens on utter strangers, knowing it can't really help the isolation i feel. I wish I could fix it all myself, just make her better so she could come home and things could go back to normal. I wish I didnt want to change her, she's so beautiful and unique just the way she is. \n\nI wish I didnt feel trapped in a slow spiral, like I didn't feel like a victim of circumstance. I wish I didnt feel weak because I do.  I wish I wasnt alone. \n\nI wish wishes worked.",
      "I wish I never existed I remember back when I was a kid I always had those moments when I felt really bored of life. Then I though everyone had those moments, but one day I asked my family about it and they said they don't know what I am talking about. I just went with it. Another thing I felt back then: I wished I never existed. Every time I heard something about a biggest wish that is what I though of. I just didn't want to kill myself because that would've affected others. Just the though of all the wrong things I've done not to ever been made.. and I could end all the pain ever and not have to suffer anymore without hurting anyone.. it's just great.. I don't want anyone who reads this to think the same as I. I feel like I am being an idiot by making such a big deal out of this. I think I'm really over reacting. But I really don't want to! I know all the people that made me really sad are really nice people and I'm just really over reacting to the point that I wish that they were actually bad people.. I don't have any type of idea what I want but if I killed myself I wouldn't have to think of any of it. And to not risk everything or make anyone miss me not ever existing would be an even better version of it.. I don't know what I want"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1642,
    "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding the naming, labeling, or personal identification of mental health conditions and individual names.",
    "pearson_r": 0.8169516818944091,
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    "top_texts": [
      "I've heard it thrown around that since the term \"narcissist\" is so stigmatized it's in need of being renamed. I have mixed feelings about it, but I'm curious what others would want to call it if it did come down to that.\nhttps://reddit.com/r/NPD/comments/u6dmb7/if_you_could_rename_npd_what_would_you_rename_it/",
      "Honestly I feel like a name change is the only real way to get away from it at this point. Which sucks cause I think the name is kinda cool LOL Maybe something like unstable self esteem disorder if we're going the same route as eupd",
      "It's absolute nonsense. I'm glad that my first go-round with mental healthcare was back in more sensible days when we understood that being able to name a problem makes people feel less alone with it and makes it easier for them to research strategies for managing it by themselves. Being told in recent years that I mustn't use the word for my condition (schizophrenia) is baffling. I don't hallucinate because I got told I was schizo, I got told I was schizo because I hallucinate (among other symptoms). I need to be able to say \"hello, there are things coming out of the walls again, give me my meds so I can get on with my life and not lose my job please\" without all this woolly \"let's not label things\" nonsense."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1912,
    "label": "The feature represents the intersection of sensory processing sensitivities, executive dysfunction, and emotional regulation as expressed through clothing choices and personal appearance.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6681531047810609,
    "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947,
    "freq": 0.02047494211523374,
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    "top_texts": [
      "YES but what makes me feel comfortable tends to change and then i have to switch clothes a million times trying to figure out what is the most comfortable. then i end up wearing the same outfit for weeks on end bc its the only thing i can go out in without feeling like im a dog with its tail between its legs. i used to really like dressing up in weird flashy things when i was younger but now it makes me rly uncomfortable bc i feel uncomfortable in anything that might attract attention. bummer, i miss dressing up, i wish i could without getting stared at.",
      "I used to dress more alt/goth/metal but I’m losing the energy. Nowdays it takes a lot out of me to put on jeans and a t shirt and a bra instead of just sweatpants and a sweater. I’m only 20. I don’t know if it’ll get better or not. During the upswings I’m more capable of dressing eccentric but otherwise no.",
      "Does anyone layer their clothes? Why is this a common behavior?"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3917,
    "label": "The feature represents the concept of \"home\" as both a physical location and a psychological state of belonging or existential displacement.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6363252234533514,
    "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947,
    "freq": 0.021776153389846724,
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    "top_texts": [
      "did i get home?",
      "Ammattilaisen suorittama mittaus varmasti maksaa, mutta pitäisi olla halvempaa kuin homekartoitus eikä tarvitse mitään purkaa. Homeelle herkkä ihminen oireilee ennen kuin sisäilman laadussa on havaittavissa mitään ongelmaa. Luulosairaaksi useasti leimataan. Jopa puolisojen puolesta.   \n   \nSisäilmanlaadun tutkiminen tutkiminen on alkanut Suomessa. Asia ei vieläkään ihan hirveästi kiinnosta muuta maailmaa. Homeongelmat on ihan yleisiä ulkomailla kuin täälläkin, mutta asiaa ei vaan tiedosteta.",
      "TFW you want to go home, but you’re already there Like wtf! I mean, if I’m home and I feel like this then where is home?"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1183,
    "label": "The feature represents participation in or the value of peer-based support groups.",
    "pearson_r": 0.549604309258181,
    "pred_f1": 0.7,
    "freq": 0.02045580665531296,
    "mean_pos": 5.423483371734619,
    "top_texts": [
      "Started a GroupMe Here’s the code to join :)\n\nYou're invited to my new group 'Schizophrenia' on GroupMe. Click here to join: https://groupme.com/join_group/50020364/CfzGQxTs",
      "If anything it’s like a support group and aren’t those allowed a certain level of anonymity?",
      "Thank you. And right..I agree. I love this group.. because I finally have some people that understand."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3372,
    "label": "The feature represents a cynical, misanthropic worldview characterized by disillusionment with modern societal structures and systemic inequality.",
    "pearson_r": 0.733468923061398,
    "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947,
    "freq": 0.024703878757725943,
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    "top_texts": [
      "Humans are stupid We have been taught to get jobs and live happily so that we can be used by those in higher power to \"improve\" our world. The people with power have the ability to end world hunger by working together but what do they do? Yep, that's right they build nukes to use against each other.\n\nWe get judged in schools like lab rats and when we finish school we have to be a slave to someone until we retire. They have only tricked us into thinking that we are not slaves by giving us \"freedom\". We work to earn money which is needed to survive. And what did the slaves do in the past? They worked to survive while their master profited off it. I don't see much difference in now compared to when the Africans where enslaved. The only big difference is the living conditions.\n\nI don't know if I'll be able to go on with my life at some point in my twenties. The thought of barely being able to pay bills and having to work everyday to be able to survive is stupid. I didn't ask to be born but I am expected to work to make the rich more money.",
      "I don't have the stomach to End it Because then, that would confirm everything my parents and my bullies assumed about me - that I would amount to nothing ... end up broke, indebted... alone ... and eventually, committing suicide.\n\n \n\nInstead. I really, really wish this world would end. Few weeks ago I heard about those fake nuclear missile alerts in Hawaii ... and you may call me a piece of shit, but I'm gonna be honest ... I felt hopeful. \n\n \n\nI fucking hate this world, and I want it to end. There's, literally nothing I like about this life. The fact that you have to do shit that you hate just to survive and not end up in some ditch ... and that doing things that you love is neither profitable, nor realistic. \n\n \n\n\"Financial independence\" and \"self-employment\" is thrown around like it's nothing, particularly those self-help gurus peddling their bullshit, (ironically propping up their own business and their own financial independence in the process, at the expense of the gullible masses)... but the truth is ... those are just escape fantasies. It's not real. There is no freedom, there is no independence. You're gonna be kissing somebody else's ass, one way or another.\n\n \n\nEverything has to be fucking commercialized ... our social media interactions ... businesses buying Facebook Likes ... some poor old fuckers on Fiverr doing fake videos for online scammers ... for 5 bucks, because they are so fucking desperate. Artificial Intelligence and machine learning being used to feed us ads and fake news.\n\n \n\nI personally couldn't give a fuck about money anymore. I just dropped out of college, and am not eligible to re-enroll. But I'm not mad. I just don't feel anything.\n\n \n\nI just fucking want it all to end. Just launch those fucking missiles already, so that I can die... but, without the lameness of being a suicide statistic.",
      "I think the modern world (US American POV) is unnatural for human life. We’re supposed to work SO HARD, and get paid so little for it. Nothing is simple, everything has to be so complicated (technology has a big part in that). \n\nSociety/Civilization May sound good on paper/in theory, and even seeing it in actual existence, but it also created a lot of problems! Some people call it eugenics, in America that’s what we do instead of straight out killing people who are unfit for functioning in society, we just cut off their income (firing, letting go, not hiring in the first place) and make them homeless (or dependent on others). \n\nI have so much shit to say about modern society, fuck cars, fuck people, fuck jobs, fuck the system, it’s unfair and designed to kill off everyone who’s less than the very best. \n\nIt takes ridiculous effort to get laid, Get a relationship, get a job, not get let go from that job, and even operate a car (which I’m done even trying). So much effort for so little, or NO reward. The very existence of homeless people, and people who involuntarily failed at any aspect of life is proof alone that the system is corrupted and probably intentionally causing this all to happen. \n\nYou can’t even get healthcare for an affordable price, if it were free, that could even allow millions of people to become employable!\n\nI’m sick of bitching about my life, and apparently I’m too retarded to properly fix my problem. I must be retarded or something. Someone even outright told me I’m disabled, while most people imply it (but aren’t willing to outright say, either to avoid lawsuits or they just feel it’s too sh*tty to do). \n\nI couldn’t get a girlfriend without first being financially stable, and I can’t lose my virginity without a girlfriend because I’m too ugly to get casual sex. Most girls/women said I’m “UGLY AS F*CK!” Working as an adult might even be worse than school was (only did high school, then lived in my room for a few years because I lived out in the country and can’t drive). \n\nNo one will help me, and it’s no one’s job to, it’s my job, but I’m too incompetent to even know what to do. \n\nWhen I go to sleep, it’s not even an escape, my dreams are even worse than real life, I wake up yelling threatening to kill people, I sometimes do that in waking life when challenged too much, but I’m not in control of my body during that time, and I feel nothing but pure rage.\n\nI’m sorry I went off topic, I fuck up everything."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3400,
    "label": "The feature identifies solicitations for participation in academic research studies.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5247995939753122,
    "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333,
    "freq": 0.017279320308463613,
    "mean_pos": 6.10615873336792,
    "top_texts": [
      "If  you wish to contribute to the academic research and have 10 spare  minutes please participate in our online experiment.This   is a survey  that includes a short video, so please make sure you have   audio/video  on. More information on the video content is included in  the  informed  consent. Please read it carefully prior to taking the  survey.The  results of the study will be included in academic publication and a PhD  thesis.If you can help us, simply follow the link: <url> We are looking forward to your responses.",
      "You are being invited to participate in a research study for Heather Cornett’s dissertation at Texas Woman’s University. The purpose of the current study is to examine the role of self-advocacy in those with a severe and persistent mental illness (SPMI) and how it relates to self-stigma and life satisfaction. The research is intended to supply the researcher with information about strategies that could improve life satisfaction in individuals diagnosed with an SPMI. Completion time for the survey is approximately 15-25 minutes. Participants are only allowed to participate once in the current study.",
      "All the research are being conducted by Harvard affiliates and cover a huge variety of fields in the social sciences! It's a cool way to help out with research and learn something along the way. Our newest one is on estimation, using images of dogs :) check it out: <url> See other experiments on the website for more surveys that could be relevant to you! Really appreciate it :)"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2096,
    "label": "The feature represents references to grandparents or specific familial elder figures.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6546536707079771,
    "pred_f1": 0.75,
    "freq": 0.015518857995751928,
    "mean_pos": 6.679643154144287,
    "top_texts": [
      "Thought that most people just had sh*tty grandparents, that sweet ones were a thing of the past. One set of mine were horrible, grandma is a diagnosed narc &amp; has held a g*n to me over a batch of cookies.\nOther set, grandpa died early, grandma moved in w/ us after for a few years as she declined violently from Alzheimer’s and dementia. She was very violent and did grotesque things I wouldn’t want y’all to read about.\nSo, idk, if someone had sweet parents, much less grandparents, I was always shocked",
      "one was my grandfather.",
      "one was my grandfather."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1034,
    "label": "The feature represents the rationalization or normalization of manipulative behavior as an inherent, instinctual, or strategic aspect of human nature.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5978729561853304,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
    "freq": 0.016973152949731146,
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    "top_texts": [
      "hey man, nothing is wrong with being a manipulator. i've been manipulating since i was 8 years old. just embrace it and try to get as much as you can from people.",
      "I was lowkey looking for that comment, since OP's post left me with utter confusion. Unless it's pretending, of course, but you can't pretend you're goodie-two-shoes all the damn time. Whether you like one person or don't, manipulation comes like an instinct that's been engraved on our brains since we were infants. All infants are born huge manipulators, as they don't even require the need to speak in order to make adults get what they want. As we grow older, some either lose that ability or forget about it, while others become refined at it and continue to perfect it throughout their teens and adult life.\n\nHowever I wouldn't call that a choice. Obviously when you see an opportunity, a possible benefit or just some spiritually weak person, regardless of how close that person is to you, it would pull you like a magnet and you'd definitely grab on that opportunity and sink your teeth into it like a hungry pitbull. Sometimes you wouldn't even know if you're manipulating a person, because you're so used to it at this point that it becomes as natural as drinking water when the bottle is next to you without thinking about it. But that's just me.\n\nUsually what drives me to consciously or subconsciously manipulate someone is my unquenchable thirst for money and that materialistic piece of shit brain inside my head that calculates most human interactions in currency. Ah, and let's not forget: trouble with the cops. It's so easy and amusing to watch these pigs forget to do their own damn job when trying to make you sing, because they're too busy eye-fucking you and nodding to every lie you spill.",
      "u/ParkingPsychology spot on as always with great resources, but so let me just reiterate on questions because I had the same feeling after reading OP.\n\nWhy do you hate being manipulative?\n\nDo you feel it's morally wrong and makes you a bad person so you don't want to be doing it?\n\nDo you not want to do that because of the impact it has on other people?\n\nDo you not want to do it purely because there's a social stigma on being manipulative?\n\nAlso:\n\n&gt;Sadly, a pretty good one.\n\nI think that's a misconception. It's like saying in Europe, that, I dunno: \"I'm really great at collecting or Guatemalan coins\" - you can be terrible at this, but since you probably won't meet anyone else doing it you'll be at the same time best.\n\nNot that many people are manipulative, and as a result, not many people naturally suspect it, defends against it. It feels like you're good at it, but in the end, it's like stilling lollipops from kids. There's is a need for a major part of society to be relatively honest and not manipulative for our world to even exist.\n\nWhen I was younger I used to lie to people when they asked me for time on the direction on the street, because I could, because I find it funny. But they trusted me, not because I'm an exceptional liar, but because why in the world would I lie it probably would cross anyone's mind to be suspicious about it? Similar goes for more complex manipulation in adult life. People trust you not because you're good at manipulation, but because we need to trust each other to some extent as a species.\n\nAnd your fiance is the best example of that. You exposed him to manipulation multiple times and now he sees is as the possibility and it's not that easy anymore. He will be a probably more difficult target to manipulate for anyone for the rest of his life because first hand learned that not everyone follows societal rules and not everyone is being honest.\n\nI think I am manipulative, I don't know if I'm good at it because I don't think there's a clear benchmark for me to define it. But I don't have a problem with being manipulative. I think being capable of being manipulative without the feeling of guilt is a really useful skill in life. But I would guess you can just stop if it's not compulsive. \n\n&gt;  at times it feels so good \n\nSo does eating sweets, doing drugs and hundreds of other things, but if you feel bad about something you just stop doing it."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 1843,
    "label": "The feature represents anticipatory dread and hopelessness specifically associated with the transition into a new year.",
    "pearson_r": 0.570659549334833,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
    "freq": 0.01854226066323504,
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      "New Year, New Misery. 2019. I almost scoff at the very name of it. 2017 was horrible, 2018 was worse, what shall 2019 have for us? Most likely something worse than 2018. 2018 Part 2, if you will. I don't want to live to see it. More lost opportunities, more insufferable school days that make me want to rip my eyes out, more lonely nights with nobody to love or be loved by, more moments to be made fun of, more moments for misery. I don't want to be alive for it. I want to die. Why can't I just die without being afraid to kill myself? The irony. I'm a walking contradiction. \n\nHere's to a new year. Let's see if I make it all the way through without shooting myself. ",
      "I'm not gonna make it past 2019 \"New year, new me\" yeah nope. I already know this year is gonna fucking suck. As if 2018 wasn't bad enough already. My \"friends\" are all out getting drunk and having fun tonight while I'm stuck in my room mustering up a will to live and they don't even have the audacity to reply to my texts and invite me out with them. I can't see 2019 getting any better. I hope all of you are having better NYE's than I am..",
      "Well its the new year now in California Im honestly not feeling any better, bracing myself for another shitty year..."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 2226,
    "label": "The feature represents the expression of gratitude and appreciation toward others for their support and kindness.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7801138429904968,
    "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058,
    "freq": 0.018886698941809065,
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    "top_texts": [
      "I know i have posted in here a lot lately and i want to thank everyone here because you’re really all awesome.",
      "I’d also like to thank society for confirming. As they do with their stares and compliments. You citizens of this world are great.",
      "i said thank you and thought nothing of it."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4797,
    "label": "The feature represents the physical experience or visceral aversion associated with vomiting and bodily waste.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5244943656729226,
    "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156,
    "freq": 0.018905834401729847,
    "mean_pos": 5.302584171295166,
    "top_texts": [
      "oh wow I never knew this was a thing. i get this sometimes! or i smell something like a floral smell or something that should be pleasant but it smells like garbage / vomit / shit.. i wonder if thats similar",
      "i turned my head and vomited into the toilet.",
      "i turned my head and vomited into the toilet."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3734,
    "label": "The feature detects the introduction or narration of a specific story or anecdote.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6461090207117378,
    "pred_f1": 0.8181818181818182,
    "freq": 0.016513901911632448,
    "mean_pos": 6.066015243530273,
    "top_texts": [
      "here's the first story.",
      "here's the first story.",
      "this is the story he told him:"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3671,
    "label": "The feature represents the intersection of artistic expression and mental health, specifically focusing on the use of creativity as a coping mechanism or a core component of personal identity.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7306571167859589,
    "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058,
    "freq": 0.01593983811400907,
    "mean_pos": 6.27760124206543,
    "top_texts": [
      "The whole point of art is self expression, that is what makes art beautiful &amp; worth doing. Art does not have to be mature, aesthetically pleasing, or positive. Continue with what you are doing. Embrace your feelings &amp; express them, be your most authentic self. Your art is perfect because it is authentic &amp; honest, please don’t let your mother discourage you. But perhaps don’t show your mother any more of you work. She clearly doesn’t understand art &amp; this is honestly a red flag that she is an unhealthy person for you to be around, at least without having more boundaries with her",
      "How can I tell the difference? As an artist I often use art as a way of coping or expression, especially with BPD. The problem is I jump from medium to medium and sometimes can’t quite figure out if I’m creating things because I love art or because my head is just all over the place. \n\nYesterday I started about 6 different projects, none of which I completely or even cared much for. It’s like I convince myself that the outcome isn’t worth it. \n\nI recently got into stuck and pokes (the first of the year) and I currently have 11 tattoos I’ve given myself. I’m afraid that once my head clears maybe I’ll regret it, but I truly love my tattoos, I just know that guilt likes to seep it’s way into all my happiness. I guess my question here though is how do you know when you’re doing too much? Like how do you know when you need to take a break from your art because you’re not sure if your vision is tainted? There’s also still that chance of creating something amazing in that mindset too. It’s all just so frustrating. ",
      "I'm an artist if i couldn't create images at my head i would be very sad"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3254,
    "label": "The feature represents the executive dysfunction and overwhelming difficulty associated with maintaining a clean living environment due to mental health struggles.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6280202049439602,
    "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058,
    "freq": 0.018580531583076598,
    "mean_pos": 5.344577789306641,
    "top_texts": [
      "HOW DO I CLEAN MY ROOM I’m struggling so bad lately. \n\nI put off laundry. \nI put off moving dishes. \n\nNo matter how badly I KNOW these things need done I just can’t motivate myself to do it. \n\nWhat organization/cleaning tips work for you guys?? \n\nCurrently off my meds, but getting on them again soon. ",
      "My room is such a mess I've been on meds for about 3 - 4 weeks now and I finally have energy to actually do anything after work, and I've been wanting to clean my room but I just don't know where to start. It's honestly disgusting. Dishes piled up, clothes, shoes and bags all over the floor, empty food packages.\n\nThe only space that I can use in my room is my bed, which is where I spend 99% of the time I'm at home. I seriously don't know where to start. Does anyone have any tips? :(",
      "Tips needed - You know how some people can’t shower when their depression is really bad? I experience something similar. I cannot clean my apartment. I literally cannot do it. I have a loft, so after work (office), if I don’t go to the gym, my other job (retail), or to hang out with my boyfriend or friends, I just climb up my ladder into my bed and stay there. I can’t see my apartment unless I peer over the edge, so it’s easy to avoid. \n\nThe depression is the biggest factor. But here are two more:\n\n- my building is a heritage building (155 years old, chandeliers, crown mouldings, beautiful really), but it is also very old, so there are mice. It’s definitely not an infestation, but it’s winter, and I live near the water. I’m terrified I’ll uncover one if I start to clean too deeply. Ignorance is bliss?\n\n- I’m mortified just thinking of how much garbage I’ll have to truck out of my apartment to the dumpster. I don’t want people to see me lug bag after bag after bag. To me, that’s the most embarrassing thing I can imagine. So I pack up the garbage (containers/packaging) and bring them out one day at a time in small bags. \n\nSometimes I’ll do the age old trick of “set a timer and do it for 5 minutes, then rest, then another 5 minutes, then rest, etc”, and I’ll clean like crazy for an hour and then nothing else. When I do do that, it’s the bathroom I clean 99% of the time.  The living area and kitchen get NO love.\n\nDoes anyone have any tips? Should I just toss everything I own (tempting honestly), hire a cleaning company, and start all over? "
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1320,
    "label": "The feature represents the discussion and clinical understanding of Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD).",
    "pearson_r": 0.5563072498954752,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
    "freq": 0.015117013337415565,
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    "top_texts": [
      "Questions: What is your definition of OCPD? How does OCPD show up in your life? What are the key differences between OCPD and OCD?",
      "I feel like my OCPD won’t let me be anything else.",
      "your partner will probably really benefit from your expressed desire to know them for who they are, ocpd traits and all. people with ocpd can struggle with emotional vulnerability and overwhelming anxiety, so those things might be important to be mindful of. reassurance and emotional support are key. so is healthy conflict. this rambled a bit because it's late, but i hope some of this is helpful. :)"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2204,
    "label": "The feature represents somatic manifestations of psychological distress, specifically gastrointestinal discomfort.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5834665726788768,
    "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666,
    "freq": 0.01622687001282076,
    "mean_pos": 5.9680681228637695,
    "top_texts": [
      "then my stomach got upset.",
      "then my stomach got upset.",
      "my stomach is ichy and achy."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2664,
    "label": "The feature represents the somatic experience of physical coldness or thermal discomfort.",
    "pearson_r": 0.662907997551323,
    "pred_f1": 0.75,
    "freq": 0.015633670755276604,
    "mean_pos": 6.176653861999512,
    "top_texts": [
      "it was so cold.",
      "it was so cold.",
      "Does this year’s winter feel worse for everyone else? It’s been like that for me. I’m so hurt because I shut myself in, but it’s so cold outside even though it’s in the 40s and 50s"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4686,
    "label": "The feature represents the aspiration for, performance of, or experience of \"normalcy\" and emotional stability.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6793300329766516,
    "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778,
    "freq": 0.022656384546202567,
    "mean_pos": 4.184445858001709,
    "top_texts": [
      "As for how to be normal, I’m not sure. I’m still trying to figure it out. It’s become easier now that I only come to visit and don’t live here, as I can fake normal functioning until I leave.",
      "The best part... ...of a breakdown, spiral, what have you is  when everything is simultaneously shouting so loud that they drown each other out. It's quiet, almost serene. That must be what peace feels like. I wish I could get to that place without having to go through the vortex of pain, anxiety, guilt, hopelessness, etc first. Is that what it's like to be normal, to be neurotypical..? ",
      "I would like to sleep like a normal person though. That would be nice...."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3339,
    "label": "The feature represents the discourse surrounding the social stigma and public perception of mental health disorders.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5643156108789928,
    "pred_f1": 0.7692307692307693,
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    "top_texts": [
      "I don’t think anyone is normalizing it, but we are trying to de-stigmatize an already extremely painful disorder.",
      "I think it's cool that kids are given a chance to begin intervention now with various PD's. Personally I think some stigma is justified because I know that I would never want my daughter to end up with anyone remotely like myself. Wouldn't want to see the pain in her eyes and know that having me as a dad probably predisposed her to it. So hate away society, I'm pretty thick skinned and don't give a shit so long as it helps steer my daughter away from guys like me.",
      "i dont necessarily feel like i have faced stigma BECAUSE OF the diagnosis, though i really dont tell most people about it. if ive faced any “stigma” its just from being different which. to me isnt rly stigma per se, its just how people usually treat people who are different"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 909,
    "label": "The feature represents the psychological construct of \"masking,\" characterized by the conscious or unconscious performance of a persona to navigate social environments or conceal internal distress.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5045300878869518,
    "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765,
    "freq": 0.01574848351480128,
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    "top_texts": [
      "It's weird, people sometimes talk about unmasking and all I can think is \"huh, I'm ONLY a mask\"",
      "Yeah it's really difficult because usually when you need to mask the most, the more stressed you are",
      "Not necessarily. Masking is often rooted in anxiety. Learning more about socialization and people to gain insight on how to navigate situations does not always mean you are masking your authentic self. When a neurotypical child learns to say please and thank you, they are not masking, they are learning. It is masking when I don't share my interests out of worry, time my conversation entry like a hawk, hide my emotions to please others or change the way I look to fit in. All those involve suppressing your true self. Learning to socialise can actually be really helpful when you are still being your authentic self."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1167,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience of personal or familial cancer diagnosis and its impact on mental well-being.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6407232755171874,
    "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666,
    "freq": 0.01708796570925582,
    "mean_pos": 5.43616247177124,
    "top_texts": [
      "I found out my mother may have cancer It’s the fist time I ever talk about my feelings on reddit.  \n\nMy days have always been difficult and I never really connected with everyone at school or on internet. I was always so depressed and sad. I felt like I was a mistake and that I souldn’t be there.  My only reason to actually continue was my mother. She is perfect.  She is always here for me, she’s sweet and generous. She is the kindest person I ever seen. So she is my reason to live. \n\nBut I found out that she had a tumor. She had an operation in December to remove it and it went well.  But now, her doctor is thinking that she could have something even worse. A cancer.  I don’t know how to react to it. My mother doesn’t know but every night I cry in my bed thinking about how in the future my world could end. \n\nI don’t know if it’s the good place to talk about it but it is all I could think about. \nSorry for my bad english. ",
      "So the tumour is removed but the cancer is still there and will grow back at some point in the future. The question is how long into the future. I'm also Dutch btw ;)",
      "lost my leg to cancer at 9."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4815,
    "label": "The feature represents the emotional distress and existential anxiety associated with the conclusion or finality of narratives, experiences, or life stages.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5398435781963988,
    "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778,
    "freq": 0.020628025794599974,
    "mean_pos": 4.407946586608887,
    "top_texts": [
      "and the happy ending?",
      "and the happy ending?",
      "I generally like to finish the stuff I do that I consider to be work related but some things like video games, series or anything like that I don’t want to end. I am scared of finishing them since I know going back to it won’t be the same. After I finish them everything about it just feels so empty, like it has no value anymore. Knowing I can never experience it the same way again makes me not want it to end. I go from loving it and then afterwards never wanting anything to do with it anymore."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3567,
    "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of cognitive impairment, mental sluggishness, or \"brain fog.\"",
    "pearson_r": 0.6233697791785473,
    "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058,
    "freq": 0.020551483954916856,
    "mean_pos": 4.3817901611328125,
    "top_texts": [
      "Brain fog? Do any of y'all experience brain fog? \n\nI'm not entirely sure if what I'm experiencing is the same, but I'll try to explain. \n\nIt's almost like my mind slows down into slow motion. Everything around me seems sluggish. I can't focus on anything. My mind is blank, but at the same time there's thoughts swirling around. It's not distressing or anything, but it makes doing anything very difficult. When I'm like that I could just sit in one spot for hours and not notice. \n\nJust wondering if anyone else deals with this and maybe how to cope with it? Thanks in advance y'all are the best ",
      "Have you guys figured out a way to combat brain fog? It's the one symptom which seems to be hindering me the most at the moment.",
      "I’m not sure if I have brain fog or if I’m just really dumb. Is there anyway I can tell the difference?"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2754,
    "label": "The feature detects the perception of unsettling or eerie experiences.",
    "pearson_r": 0.764154711244699,
    "pred_f1": 0.8571428571428571,
    "freq": 0.017470674907671405,
    "mean_pos": 5.1507463455200195,
    "top_texts": [
      "it was very very creepy.",
      "it was very very creepy.",
      "so yeah, creepy stuff."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4891,
    "label": "The feature represents the presence of bright, natural, or outdoor imagery.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7922900946665061,
    "pred_f1": 0.75,
    "freq": 0.017949061405690886,
    "mean_pos": 4.9825968742370605,
    "top_texts": [
      "sure, it was overcast and the sun hadn't been out in days, but those flowers were like sunshine in my hands.",
      "sure, it was overcast and the sun hadn't been out in days, but those flowers were like sunshine in my hands.",
      "Go outside and touch grass, lol. Pick a few dandilions while you’re at it. God knows you need to"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1375,
    "label": "The feature detects expressions of external validation, encouragement, and pride regarding an individual's personal achievements or progress.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7518051598536624,
    "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947,
    "freq": 0.018886698941809065,
    "mean_pos": 4.6613922119140625,
    "top_texts": [
      "You did good. You achieved something awesome. And nobody can take that away from you",
      "I bet you feel so good about yourself, you’ve made exceptional progress! Inspiring.",
      "I really feel for you. You're so brave to go through with this and so decisively. You should really be proud of yourself."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 544,
    "label": "The feature represents the conscious awareness and physiological regulation of breathing patterns.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5894072670085349,
    "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765,
    "freq": 0.014772575058841539,
    "mean_pos": 5.7918901443481445,
    "top_texts": [
      "Mhm! I don't like breathing exercises like the countdown one cause focusing too much on my breathing kicks my brain up and makes me think I'm not getting enough air. \nThey're still good to know about, even if you don't use them, because when you're in a bad space and your breathing is off, you'll remember what you've been told about the exercises, and you can use that as a way of knowing you need to pause and slow your breathing down so its not as frantic",
      "my lungs were still taking in air as i breathed.",
      "Deep breaths (or lack thereof) I’ve never posted here before and I don’t want to trigger anyone so l’ll pass on what exactly brought me to this place. A combination of many traumatic experiences, some of which are ongoing.\n\nMy panic and stress manifests in many ways but by far the most hindering is when I struggle to breathe. I’m on day 7 of laboured and stiff breathing and my chest and shoulder muscles are aching. Constantly trying to force myself to yawn and rocking back and forth to get what feels like a “decent breath”. 1 out of every 75 or so breaths feels satisfying enough. These “attacks” (if that’s what you’d call them) don’t normally last this long.\n\nAnxiety tablets don’t help with this particular manifestation so I’m out of luck there. Years ago I went to a speech therapist to learn breathing techniques but it wasn’t very effective for me. I just have to ride it out.\n\nAnyway. Just having a rough morning and hoping I can start breathing normally sometime soon as the looks I get when I do what sounds like a deep sigh are getting frustrating and my body is exhausted."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1611,
    "label": "The feature identifies the search for or recommendation of digital productivity tools and organizational apps to manage daily tasks and symptoms.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5015688255874671,
    "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765,
    "freq": 0.01569107713503894,
    "mean_pos": 5.449145317077637,
    "top_texts": [
      "What system do you use to organize stuff and help keep your shit together? I'm in serious need of some sort of...personal organizer/calendar/notes system, to keep all appointments in and to jot down stuff I need to remember. Nothing complicated or fancy, ideally free or low-cost, and preferably something less detailed than the typical day planner but more structured than freeform notes or blank pages. \n\nI have at my disposable a PC, tablet, phone (a basic budget Android smart phone). I'm also open to using journal/notebook/other paper systems as well.\n\nWhat do you guys use? Is it digital or analog? How does it work for you? What would you recommend for me based on the above criteria?",
      "How to make myself keep a diary (for appointments, not a journal) Hello redditors, I am a first time poster, but I've been lurking here for advice for a while.\n\n&amp;#x200B;\n\nOne of the most helpful ADHD tips I've received was about Habitica, the habit forming, game playing app. Before I discovered it on this reddit group, I had real problems with keeping a to-do list. I would write myself a list, then promptly lose it or never look at it again. I was never able to keep one for more than a few days and they served no purpose whatsoever, it didn't stop me from procrastinating or forgetting. Habitica finally turned that around and by turning my to-do, daily tasks and habit lists into a game, I am finally able to start completing tasks more efficiently. \n\n&amp;#x200B;\n\nI was wondering whether anyone had any similar diary app or tips. I do the same with a diary as I used to do with a to-do list - I'll buy one and spend ages filling it out, then I'll lose it or never look at it again. People have suggested I use google calendar but the same happens really, I only very occasionally make an entry for my google calendar, and even when I do it serves no purpose because I don't look at it. It's very frustrating at work because I can never remember when my meetings are etc.\n\n&amp;#x200B;\n\nHas anyone found a life changing life hack for keeping track of what's happening when?\n\n&amp;#x200B;\n\nThanks!",
      "Smartphone apps to help I use the ADDA app (mood tracking, notes, a shit load of useful stuff holy crap), as well as Mindly (organize thoughts) , Forest (helping you leave your phone alone), and Routinist. \n\nRoutinist isn’t amazing IMO but the tutorial’s user interface amazes me. Mindly is good for writing things down and keeping thoughts together. The ADDA app does practically everything, I’ve only had it for one day. \n\nWhat do you use? \n\nEdit: The app is from the ADDA, but is titled “ADHD health storyline”\n[Android App link](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.selfcarecatalyst.healthstorylines.adda) Credit to u/MightyWolf13\n[Apple App link](https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/adhd-health-storylines/id982558011?t=8) "
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 4201,
    "label": "The feature represents the concept of establishing and maintaining interpersonal boundaries within relationships.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5003941415422307,
    "pred_f1": 0.625,
    "freq": 0.012705945387397386,
    "mean_pos": 6.694764137268066,
    "top_texts": [
      "Setting boundaries without them being on board and without them getting anything in return might be harmful, so for each boundary you set, ask yourself why it was crossed in the first place and if you two together can find a good alternative that will give them the same feeling and validation that caused the overstep. Communication is key :)",
      "I saw a bunch of comments arguing about what a \"boundary\" is. ",
      "You very much need to stick to your boundaries and have solid consequences for those boundaries being broken and actually follow through with them."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4957,
    "label": "The feature captures the intersection of mental health treatment access and financial barriers related to health insurance coverage.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7259355741506982,
    "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058,
    "freq": 0.013796666602881801,
    "mean_pos": 5.990633964538574,
    "top_texts": [
      "Thank God for insurance but yeah, they told me if my insurance didn’t cover it, I’d be paying that out-of-pocket.",
      "Cheapest no insurance priced ADHD med? So at the end of February I will be losing my insurance from my mother's work because she got laid off. At this time I am not working and it looks like I won't be able to get insurance until I can find a job. My doctor put me on Strattera and the insurance co-pay is only 10 bucks but without insurance the pharmacy is wanting $773, and that's the generic price... I'm trying to make an appointment to see my psychiatrist before the end of the month. I was only put on Strattera because my psychiatrist was out that day and a nurse practitioner was substituting that seems like all non-stimulant ADHD meds are ridiculously priced.",
      "SeekIng Adult ADHD Treatment Without Health Insurance Has anybody been treated for ADHD despite not carrying health insurance? If so, what were your out of pocket costs annually?"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 4239,
    "label": "The feature represents the clinical conceptualization and diagnostic criteria of schizotypal personality disorder.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6354791526430508,
    "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778,
    "freq": 0.01234237164890258,
    "mean_pos": 6.647016525268555,
    "top_texts": [
      "How common, does anyone know the statistics, is adhd in those of us diagnosed with schizotypal?\nhttps://reddit.com/r/Schizotypal/comments/u2hl5n/adhd_and_schizotypy/",
      "It's possible to have anxiety, maladaptive daydreaming, and few friends without being schizotypal. Schizotypy is a neurodevelopmental issue that causes issues with thought processes and sensory perception which can be as simple as suspicousness, concentration issues, and illusions or as severe as full-on schizophrenia. Some people with it make friends, read social ques, and navigate daily life better than others.\n\nIt's important to figure out if you can whether it's schizotypal or not because similar issues can stem from different source difficulties and the anti-psychotics that treat schizotypy usually come with harsh side effects and won't be effective for other issues.",
      "To be blunt: unfortunately, there are several, some \"diagnosed\" (in life, or posthumously said to be by qualified experts), and many that exhibited obviously or subtly schizotypal traits even if they were never labeled as such. In all honesty, it's kind of a black eye on the perception of this disorder--without sugar-coating it, when you look into mass shooters/killers in detail there is a disproportionate representation of StPD. \n\nAs much as I empathize intensely with the struggles and alienation of my fellow schizotypals, I do so wish that a particular subset would stop going into schools and public places with guns to make whatever statement or impact on the world. This probably won't be popular on here, but so it is. I guess it hits close to home as the two most infamous shootings in my state that are among the most high-profile in US history (Columbine and the Aurora theater shooting) had a schizotypal perpetrator (Klebold and Holmes). And that's the tip of the iceberg sadly."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 2336,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience and clinical conceptualization of paranoia.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5918001524187526,
    "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666,
    "freq": 0.01452381407987141,
    "mean_pos": 5.636390686035156,
    "top_texts": [
      "Heya I have been diagnosed with both PPD and generalized anxiety. The difference between the two for me are how specific they are. When I am paranoid, I have specific worry about being harmed which can lead me to doing avoidant or protective behavior. When I have anxiety, I tend to worry about more generalized things, like what people think of me or my own actions. They cross over in a lot of ways, they both can make me over generalize and fear about the future. Paranoia is just more specific to harm and fear of more serious actions against me, rather than anxiety which can make me fear how other perceive me.",
      "I’ve read somewhere that paranoia is a symptom of bpd, but I might be wrong? I experience it A LOT when I go outside, especially sitting on the bus when there’s men on there, I’m scared they’re gonna hop off at the same stop as me and assault me. If I stay up too late at night I’m scared someone is outside and gonna break into my house.",
      "Pretty much, yeah.  My psych has told me that the paranoia can be a symptom of BPD (one of my comorbidities) as well, particularly with what my paranoia tends to coalesce around, but yes, I would say that among \"positive symptoms\" some of my worst are paranoia and ideas of reference.\n\nI strongly suspect that with modern psychology still being in its relative infancy and understanding of personality disorders all the more so, that many if not most of the PD categories actually encompass multiple distinct (though related) conditions that present with similar symptomology \"on paper\" according to the (very broad) diagnostic criteria but that can actually lead to very different symptoms and life impacts in practice in daily life.  (I also suspect schizotypal disorder *isn't* a \"personality disorder\" so much as a neurodevelopmental condition akin to autism, but that's neither here nor there.)"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4834,
    "label": "The feature represents the concept of perceived intellectual inadequacy or the derogatory labeling of intelligence.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6246729278679948,
    "pred_f1": 0.75,
    "freq": 0.01779597772632465,
    "mean_pos": 4.5985517501831055,
    "top_texts": [
      "I think I am an objectively stupid person. How do I live with this fact? People have called me stupid and or made fun of me about how they think I’m stupid almost my entire life. I think it’s safe to say that I’m just a stupid guy? But how can i cope with this idea of being an idiot? It really makes me feel inferior and poorly about myself, and I believe that it keeps me depressed. Does anyone else struggle with this? How do we live with ourselves? What i’m doing is equating low intelligence with inferiority which is an objectively fair statement. Therefore I am an inferior human. So how the fuck am I supposed to live with myself knowing that I’m an inferior human??",
      "how stupid of him.",
      "\"Everyone\" is a generalization, it's just impossible \"everyone\" to be too stupid.\nMaybe what I will say is not a popular opinion, but I think that thought is just a mental trap to actually keep avoiding \"everybody is stupid so I'm entittled to avoid them\". I don't see that thought to be helpful at all. Intelligence is one of the things I value the most in a person, but there are many other things, and the best way to meet good people is not to judge at all and don't put labels.\nTo your question in the tittle, just trying not to label others as uninsteresting or stupid, but get to know them, and that way some of them will actualy stick up. Just my opinion of course"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 1299,
    "label": "The feature represents the psychological struggle with compulsive or habitual lying and the associated feelings of guilt or internal conflict.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5345224838248489,
    "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333,
    "freq": 0.013796666602881801,
    "mean_pos": 5.801187515258789,
    "top_texts": [
      "Lying is not ok I lie alot to strangers and my gf. I like to make up stories about what my hobbies are or what i do for work. To my girlfriend i lie about what im doing most of the time. Its an image thing i suppose. Im left feeling guilty and like shit and knowing the truth by myself. Im trying to do better but if i tell my girlfriend im out having a drink im afraid of the response. Its arrogant i know to think that you can bend reality this way and people wont catch on that your deceiving them. More importantly it fucks with my head. Im deceiving myself when i lie to others. Ive tried to take notice when im about to tell someone something that isnt true and im getting better at it. I dont want to lie. I want to be trustworthy. ",
      "It’s different for everyone and I despise pathological liars btw.  My ex was a pathological liar and I was considering killing her at one point I hated her that much.  So needless to say I try to avoid lying as much as I possibly can but when I was younger the reason I did it was because my father was unpredictable and explosive with his moods so you never really knew what you were going to get out of him and once I learned that I could lie and get away with it and even turn his bad temper against the people in the neighborhood (which took it off of me) that was the main reason I started did it.  If I wanted to do something or whatever I couldn’t just ask I had to create a whole scheme to make him think it was his idea all along.  \n\nAs a grownup I have learned that people will respect you and take your word for things when you are honest and straight up so I try to be that way.  I have little to no respect for liars and I realize how hypocritical that sounds but it’s the truth.  The only time I have no problem lying now is like I had a friend who just wouldn’t get it, didn’t understand no.  I could tell him and unless I kicked his face in with the truth he wouldn’t get it so it was just easier to lie to him and he knew I was lying but I just didn’t know what else to do with him so I just did what I had to do.",
      "My lies are getting out of hand I already lied about me graduating and going to college before and just told my family about it a few days before graduation but I apparently did it again.\n\nNow when I talk, I think about it first so that what I can actually say was the truth because apparently, it becomes a reflex or something of mine to lie. I dont know anymore. I already lied to everyone including my family and friends. Even a lady asking me for directions was lied to by me and she probably ends up asking another person. Now I’m completely holed up in my room and didn’t leave the house. I’m the oldest son in the family and now I did this. I actually want to end it all including me but the thing that stops me from doing it was because I will probably be freed but my family will not. They did nothing wrong to deserve this. They did nothing wrong to deserve me.\n\nI’ sorry I’m just blowing everything in my post. The reason why I posted was to seek knowledge or advice or whatever regarding this. I dont think that I’m getting excited when I’m lying but my heart was definitely pounding. That’s probably the only thing that makes me feel alive anymore cause When I’m happy, I just suddenly reminded of my deceit and wrongdoings that I don’t completely appreciate it. I just wanted to get it off my chest even if it is just in the internet. I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why I have no goals in life or something.\n\nIf you read this then thanks for wasting a little time to humour me and my story."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1174,
    "label": "The feature represents the therapeutic role of dog ownership and canine companionship in managing mental health.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7187702322555234,
    "pred_f1": 0.75,
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      "Save yourselves, and get a doggo if you can. *Make sure you have the financial stability, and get a dog that’s on-par with your dog experience. It’s important to remember they are a ton of work, large puppies especially, but the distraction is part of what helps. A lot of people get large, active, intelligent dogs as puppies and don’t understand they are a full-time job. For the protection of the dogs, if you’re a first time owner don’t get one that weighs over 30lbs when mature.",
      "German Shepards, Labrador Retrievers, Golden Retrievers and Poodles all seem like a good choice. Poodle would be good for allergies as many of my close family have allergies. Shepadoodles, Labradoodles, and Golden Doodles might also make a good choice if they were from bloodlines that had proven to be hypoallergenic. I've trained a therapy dog in the past who was a labradoodle. Lovely dog.",
      "Before I go I just wanted to share a story with anyone who would read it. I’ve been living with depression for over 4 years now. I lost something very special to me, my dog, Dari, and he was the sweetest boi there was. He had the softest pointy ears. He was a sucker for a belly rub and huge big paws, but still gentle. When I was going through hard times like I am today. I would always lie beside him and he would lick my tears away. Like he knew what I was going through. \n\nHe became an old boy but He fell ill and my family were worried but kind of kept on keeping my spirit high saying everything will be alright. I was only 15 at the time and was just about to go on holiday with my little sister and my mum with her friend and there daughter. I had spent the days before in my room with him in my single bed crushed against the wall because that was actually his bed considering he was a massive Doberman (who wouldn’t hurt a fly) you’d think he could have at least shared “my” bed. We watched all the seasons of Brooklyn99. \n\nThe day I was leaving for the airport I went to his cage where he lay there just looking at me. He looked in pain, empty. I had never seen him like that before. I just knew something wasn’t right. I gave him a cuddle and lots of kisses but he didn’t react in the way he would like before. I was sad but I understood he was sore, I gently stroked him and said I love you. On holiday I kept asking my dad at home how he was and he reassured he was okay. I wish I didn’t have to leave him. A long two weeks had passed and I was finally on my way home. I asked my sisters boyfriend if Dari was okay but he just wouldn’t answer. I knew. I just knew. \n\n\nI got home and his cage was empty. He was gone. I broke down then and there, I couldn’t move. I had a pain in my heart like there something missing. And there was. \n\nWhen he got put down, he had a big slab of meat and cheesecake for dessert. Life hasn’t been the same ever since. But before I go I just want to share one thing. If I have learned anything in life it would be cherish your dogs because they are a part of your life but you are their whole life. You never know when their last belly rub will be. [my boy♥️](https://i.imgur.com/MASWzwi.jpg)"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1990,
    "label": "The feature represents the psychological concept of \"splitting\" as a defense mechanism characterized by black-and-white thinking or fragmented self-perception.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7720495078203431,
    "pred_f1": 0.9,
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      "splitting learned from parents? DAE think they learned splitting from how their parents talked to them? For me my mother would alternate between telling me how I was the most wonderful daughter, and telling me she was \"ashamed any daughter of hers . .  . \" or that I would end up like the aunt she and my dad hated who had addiction and mental health issues. I feel like I learned to split myself, and therefore tend to split others as well? ",
      "Splitting of the self - just want to talk I don’t know exactly what psychologists mean by “the splitting of the self,” but I think that I have it.\n\nSometimes I literally feel an unbalanced energy in my body. Like two halves of me are contradicting each other. All of the bones in my body that are meant to be symmetrical are on a diagonal. I’m trying to be mindful of the discomfort, and it’s really not so bad. It just feels so...weird. \n\nI’ve been fairly isolated socially, and I can’t even imagine having friends right now. I think about people from my past every day and this definitely adds to this contradictory energy. Like one side of me has moved on and another part is so angry. It’s like two people in one body. I had a theory that part of this has to do with having two very different parents and so it’s like two sides molded from two prominent figures. My mom also has BPD, and I believe she created a lot of conflicting feelings inside me due to her conflicting feelings towards people she loves.\n\nI used to cry a lot. The past two years, I’ve just felt this intense emptiness that made me miss crying. I worked on that and now I feel anxious, uncomfortable, and confused.",
      "I used the term splitting with my therapist the other day and he asked me to explain it further, and then I asked, how they/therapist describe “splitting” of course he kept it simple and said it’s part of the all or nothing/ black or white thinking."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4358,
    "label": "The feature represents the psychological experience of anxiety, sensory overwhelm, or executive dysfunction specifically triggered by the environment of grocery shopping.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6005730693304645,
    "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333,
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    "top_texts": [
      "You know what? I do often get overwhelmed while grocery shopping, I'll invest in them :)",
      "Sometimes Impulsive Shopping Is A Good Thing I'm an impulsive shopper &amp; the other day I was going through my purse &amp; realized a few years ago I bought around 5-6 small hand sanitizers at Grocery Outlet because I liked the smell.  Some smelled like Strawberry, Cucumber Melon, &amp; one smelled like Cotton Candy.\n\nI wish I would have bought a ton more of the cotton candy!  Smells so much better than the regular hand sanitizers.\n\nI'm also an impulsive buyer of food but I have tried to get better with that recently, but still if I find a good deal at Grocery Outlet I'll stock up (especially if it's a food that I know I like such as Halo Top ice cream for $0.99-$1.99).",
      "You’re enjoying retail therapy! If you are buying things that are useful long term for reasonable prices that you can afford, it’s not a terrible thing. The key is moderation and budgeting. If you want to save more money, make a plan for how much a month you’d like to save and start there."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3135,
    "label": "The feature represents the use of nicotine or smoking as a maladaptive coping mechanism for managing ADHD symptoms and stress.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5617265173707828,
    "pred_f1": 0.75,
    "freq": 0.012208423429457127,
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    "top_texts": [
      "Hard to quit smoking Hello fellow ADHDers,\nI’ve been smoking for about 2 years now, but never as much as I do now. \n\nAt work I usually go for a quick 5 minute break when I feel the urge to get up/have a break from work as my focus starts to deteriorate, so I’d usually go outside for a cigarette \n\nAnother big problem of mine is smoking purely out of boredom and the inability to sit still (usually during movies or watching TV) and the amount I’m smoking when I feel bored or feel the urge to get up is really adding up. \n\nDoes anyone else have the same issue? Any tips or advice would be appreciate :-)",
      "Heavy smoker of 10 years here. I can't quit and I won't quit, as this cancer in a stick is somehow able to calm me down after stress from work and annoyance from certain people. A pack a day keeps the rage away. Not sure how it does that but it's quite helpful for calming my nerves. The only thought that may possibly urge me to stop smoking is future pregnancy and the well-being of my future child.",
      "Discoveries of Smoking and ADHD Medication TLDR at the end. \n\nThis is all personal experience, so YMMV, but it seems likely this may be applicable to many, if not all of you.\n\nI was on 60mg of Evanse/Vyvanse, but it wasn't enough to see me through the day. It would kick in about 2 hours after taking it and then I would get about 7 hours before it wore off again. Usually I'd feel depressed right as it wore OFF. I had to supplement with some instant release stuff to get me through the whole day. \n\nDuring this time I was smoking. Actually I was vaping to begin with, so this really applies to any products where nicotine is consumed. I switched back to rolling tobacco (less than 10 a day) at some point. I didn't notice any difference in the medication between vaping and tobacco.\n\nI decided to quit smoking and so I started using patches and lozenges They work very well, I recommend them if you're thinking of quitting. Again, I didn't notice any changes with the medication using these. Things started to change once I stopped using all nicotine products.\n\nMy ADHD symptoms started to get worse. It began to feel like the medication stopped working, but then it actually felt like it had somehow become more potent.\n\nI took a break from the meds for about 4 days and then decided to give Concerta a try. In the meantime I consumed the rest of my Elvanse until the prescription arrived.\n\nThis is where things started to get interesting. At first I had insomnia like never before, but it didn't matter too much during the day because the Elvanse was keeping me going. I began to feel a bit ill from the sleep deprivation, but I was still going strong. I had intense focus at work. Then something amazing happened. The medication began to last much longer than before. I'm talking double the amount of time it used to.\n\nThe weird thing is I have an app on my phone to help me quit smoking and it sends me messages each morning with a little bit of motivation or a factoid and the number of days I've been smoke free. On that day when everything changed I got a fact from the app telling me that the effects of caffeine should now last longer, because nicotine causes your body to clear it out at a much quicker rate. That got me thinking, could nicotine also clear out amphetamine from the body at a quicker rate? Could smoking actually have reduced the amount of time my medication lasts? Honestly, I have no evidence other than this experience but it's the only thing that has changed. It seems quite likely to me. Maybe it's worth a try for some of you smokers that are also struggling with meds not lasting long enough. \n\nBy the way, Concerta wasn't a good fit for me. Practically put me in a coma. So sleepy. \n\nTLDR: Quit smoking and all other nicotine products, a few weeks later my medication lasts twice as long as it used to."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2216,
    "label": "The feature represents the concept of psychological \"triggers\" and the subjective experience of being triggered by specific stimuli.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6227852817210034,
    "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778,
    "freq": 0.015997244493771406,
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    "top_texts": [
      "\"You triggered me that means u don't get it\"\n&gt;ads an emoji too to hide how triggered he/she is\nCope",
      "What is the biggest Trigger in relationships? I have come to really realize that my biggest and single most trigger in my relationships happens the moment I get ignored.\n\nOut of all the fights and emotions ive been able to change and work through any possible arguement... but, whenever I get ignored by my own partner my heart turns black.\n\nI know its wrong but honestly speaking; when someone ignores me, it feels like they dont care about the relationship at all, and i eventually start acting careless and break up to treat them like they dont exist because i feel that its the equivalent to how i felt.\n\nDoes anyone else struggle with this?\n",
      "Knowing this helps us to recognize that we are only triggered &amp; this does not make us bad. We try to take a break after vents &amp; have things that comfort us to cope"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1129,
    "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience and fluctuation of personal vitality, hyperactivity, and internal energy levels.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5286727237024551,
    "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778,
    "freq": 0.013260873725099983,
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    "top_texts": [
      "Bruh So I’ve noticed looking back at old photos and videos I had more crackhead energy. But I think the energy has chilled out a little bit and I kinda miss my old self. Where the hell has my energy gone. Like I still have it but it’s not the same ‘energy’. If anyone understands lmao then help me out. \nLike it might be because of people being jackasses to me and stuff like that. But I kinda noticed I’m not like I was. \nH e l p \nM e \nI need to get it back. Because life was waaayy more fun when it was. I didn’t care about what I said, what I did and what other people say. But now it’s just kinda like I’m on a slump or something. I can’t explain it, but yeah.\nW h a t \nT h e \nL",
      "Don't worry, people say all the time i have \"top energy\" and I'm like \"i don't have energy\"",
      "I stumbled upon one that labeled herself as an “energy healer” and that was all I needed to see to look elsewhere."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1523,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience of finding emotional solace and comfort in external sources or symbolic connections.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5420519423830532,
    "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778,
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    "top_texts": [
      "Stuffed animals. They bring me great emotional comfort and help me from feeling alone since I don’t have friends",
      "I get great comfort from that actually. Perhaps it could do for you as well.",
      "in some respects the concept is a little corny, but something about it spoke to my heart and my mind."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1898,
    "label": "The feature identifies discussions centered on personality typing systems and self-categorization frameworks like MBTI and Enneagram.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7399701969562548,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
    "freq": 0.01523182609694024,
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    "top_texts": [
      "What's your Myers-Briggs personality type? I've been really fascinated at how much I can relate to mine, I'm an INFP. What are all of you?\n\nIf anyone doesn't know, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is a personality test that looks at four areas: extraversion/introversion, sensing/intuition, thinking/feeling, and judging/perceiving. You can take the test online on websites like 16Personalities. :)",
      "Took this and got my enneagram as a 5w6 (I guess that means 5 is dominant with 6 being a higher score than 4?). Myers-Briggs always had me pegged as an INTJ, too.",
      "ITNJ. Very high openness, agreeableness (which has caused a lot of problems in life), and high neuroticism, higher than average conscientiousness, and lowest 1% in extroversion according to UnderstandMyself.\n\nITNJ is the \"architect\" personality which is pretty accurate since I am done with architecture school and training to be an architect atm."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 1773,
    "label": "The feature represents the active process of pursuing recovery or healing from a mental health condition.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7244964278727961,
    "pred_f1": 0.8571428571428571,
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      "So today I asked my therapist what recovery looks like for me. At what point do I know that I am recovered?",
      "You mean recover like be cured? Or recover like get better",
      "\"Where on the road to recovery?\" would be my first question."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4151,
    "label": "The feature represents the presence of automobiles as objects of focus, anxiety, or practical utility in the user's life.",
    "pearson_r": 0.874069439250262,
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      "sure enough - same car.",
      "i am not a car person, and could care less if a car is clean, but every surface on this car seemed to sparkle with cleanliness.",
      "My triggers are cars underwater. Cars on their sides in general...I have nightmares about cars being flipped over on their side in front of me, or being pushed into a deep body of water in front of me. I used to drive a Honda Odyssey and in my nightmares it’s usually a van flipped over or submerged."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4189,
    "label": "The feature represents the struggle with behavioral impulsivity and the lack of self-control.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6294475874209984,
    "pred_f1": 0.782608695652174,
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    "top_texts": [
      "How to deal with impulsivity? How do you guys deal with this? I am so impulsive, and can’t help myself in that moment, whether it’s buying something I definitely don’t need, even if I know it’ll leave me financially short later. I also say things without thinking, make off the cuff decisions about big things and just generally go wherever my impulses take me. \n\nWhat tips do you have for dealing with this?",
      "How do you stop yourself from doing impulsive actions? Since getting off my ADHD meds (doctor recommended), I've noticed my impulsive behaviours have returned.\n\nI feel like I'm losing control of myself.",
      "How do you stop yourself from doing impulsive actions? Since getting off my ADHD meds (doctor recommended), I've noticed my impulsive behaviours have returned.\n\nI feel like I'm losing control of myself."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 4142,
    "label": "The feature detects somatic sensations of physical throat distress or pain.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7423268806074371,
    "pred_f1": 0.75,
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      "my throat hurts!",
      "my throat was burning by this time.",
      "my throat was burning by this time."
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  {
    "feature_id": 2517,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience and self-identification of manic or hypomanic episodes associated with bipolar disorder.",
    "pearson_r": 0.8609997829711564,
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    "top_texts": [
      "A sign I’ve started picking up for when I’m becoming hypomanic is when I start posting in paragraphs like this",
      "Post depression mania? Is this a thing? Is there a more accurate term for it? I’m on the upswing of a depressive relapse and I notice that whenever I feel like I’ve recovered, i get into somewhat of a manic state where I’m down to do so many things, making so many plans, doing a bunch of body mods(every time I’ve gotten my tattoos except one, one cycle I cut all my hair off and dyed it platinum blond, this time I’m getting my nipples pierced later today) because I feel like I’m shedding a layer of myself that is different than who I am now. \n\nIt’s like this for a while, then it tapers off for some time, then I get depressed again and the cycle continues. I don’t want to call it mania because I get the importance of correctly defining and diagnosing mental health statuses, so I’m wondering if this is actually a thing that happens to other people and if there’s a term for it. I’ve never considered the possibility that I could be bipolar, definitely depressive, but maybe I should be more mindful of my emotions this time around? ",
      "Coming down from a manic episode For the past 4 days or so I was having the first manic episode I’ve had in a few weeks. Yes I had energy, yes I got shit done, but I wasn’t myself. I was loud and I did and said shitty things and thought nothing of it.\n\nToday I came down from it and I’m back to where I was before. I’m miserable and tired again. I don’t know if being manic was better than this but at least I feel human again. \n\nI wish I could scold my “other self” for being such a dick. In the process of hurting others I hurt myself. \n\nKind of think I’ll curl up into a ball and cry for a few hours. I think that’ll feel good."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 4510,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience of being bullied or the psychological impact of past bullying.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5365966960567894,
    "pred_f1": 0.625,
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      "Ptsd because of bullying? Dont know if thats the place to ask this but -hi. Let me know if i would get more answers somewhere else. \n\nIve been through 10 years bullying at school. I have ptsd because of it (along with with huge self confidence problems and anxiety). Said bullying ended a few years ago but the trauma is obviously still here. \n\nIve been wondering if anyone else has experienced ptsd because of bullying. Ive never met or talked to someone who did. And its quite recently that ptsd definition in DSM changed to also include trauma that happened over time in its definition.",
      "Also, I may just be triggered &amp; overreacting here, but I think he’s the comedian that on a special said that bullying was important because it builds character &amp; teaches children to act like normal members of society. I found it deeply disgusting &amp; distasteful",
      "Help lol Hey, I’ve posted on here so many times and it’s so helpful but ironically I haven’t been using it in my toughest time until now. I’ve felt so afraid and isolated even as far as reddit goes. \n\nFirstly I just want to say I’m not a confrontational person, I’m super scared of fights because I have bad anxiety and it goes insane if someone isn’t okay with me. So normally I try and let things slide.\n\nI started university recently and am in a flat with a few other people, at first everyone was extremely lovely until I spoke about some things I’ve been dealing with and how they influence some of the things I can and can’t do in life. Since then, two of these flat mates of mine have taken it upon themselves to brutally bully and harass me. I’m normally able to handle it to an extent but let’s just say it’s taken over social media, social circles and my physical home life. It’s even stretched back into social circles hours away from them that I thought were safe. Genuinely, it’s really really bad.\n\nIt’s completely unprovoked, cruel and sickening to be honest. People who are aware of what is going on cannot believe this is happening at our age (20), and are absolutely disgusted and shocked. I’ve dealt with a lot in my life, so while I have my moments of weakness and come to reddit as a safe place to get help and be open, I deal with and have dealt with a LOT on my own, I thought I could handle this, but I can’t.\n\nIt’s triggered so much childhood trauma to the point where I get physically ill from stress and cysts (due to a health condition being aggravated by it), I’m  unable to eat or leave my room. I’ve tried being nice, being silent, being defensive, everything. Nothing I do or don’t makes anything better. I leave them be ALL the time, I’ve never said anything cruel or mean or used a name or done what’s been done to me back yet I am constantly a target.\n\nWhilst this has been going on I also found out I have two lifelong diseases that have destroyed my body and paralyse me inconsistently, a parent has been in and out of hospital with a severely dangerous illness and another family member was brutally attacked in her own bedroom, I also moved miles away to be at uni and broke up with a partner of several years after years of abuse. Add this to the bullying and my history of suicidal temperaments, severe clinical &amp; chronic depression and anxiety and I’m a hot second away from literally giving up. I’m exhausted, the last two years of my life have been the hardest years I’ve ever dealt with and I’m tired... I don’t know what to do, I’ve tried everything... I can’t deal with all those more important things such as the parent situation and my illness and cope with their suffocating bullying. Please just let me know what I can do? Please help"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 460,
    "label": "The feature represents the logistical challenges and frustrations associated with obtaining and refilling psychiatric medication.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6388650750623781,
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      "I really dislike pharmacies **History:** I'm in my 30's and have been off/on taking medication since I was diagnosed in the 3rd grade. I've taken nearly all variations of medication throughout that period of time and have never had a more difficult time getting a prescription. I'm not talking about getting it prescribed, I'm talking about getting it filled (consistency).\n\n**Here's a story about what has to happen, this is the most efficient path I have to take to getting a prescription.**\n\n* Once every three months I get 3 prescription sheets from my doctor.  \n* They are sent digitally to the pharmacy of my choice  \n* The first one is automatically filled, I am contacted.  \n* 1 month from that date (no sooner), on the day I take the LAST pill. I am now able to fill my next script (no sooner).  \n * If the pharmacy doesn't have it in stock I cannot transfer the script, I must call the doctor to have them cancel, and then write a new one and send to a pharmacy that has it in stock.  \n * Catch1, pharmacy cannot disclose how much stock they have. They can only tell you if they have enough to fill it.  \n * Catch 2, pharmacy cannot disclose the above information until you have sent a script to them…  \n* If the pharmacy has it in stock I can pick it up in an hour.\n\n\n**So here's my most recent story:**\n\n* Was told I had no remaining prescriptions on file at the store I go to monthly (have been going there for more than a year).\n* Scheduled an appointment with my doctor  \n * At the appointment he said \"I gave you 3 months in December… are you sure they don't have it?\"\n * Dr. Gives me 2 more scripts sent to the pharmacy and says \"see you in April\"\n* Call pharmacy after 3 hours.\n * Pharmacist says she does not have it on file (this happens every time).\n * I repeat that I am not trying to **refill** I am trying to **fill** a script.\n * Pharmacist finds the script and says it will be filled shortly (usually takes an hour) ! note this for later\n* I ask the Pharmacist why this happens each month. She responds saying that they are making changes (I recall hearing this before - she states that isn't true… okay).\n* I tell the pharmacist I have three issues with what's going on here, since she's been very rude, dismissive, and keeps ignoring the words I'm saying and is defaulting. I ask her to please listen to me clearly I need her to take some time to explain to me what is going on and address my concerns:  \n  \n1. If my Dr. sends it to you directly the first one is filled automatically and the last two are saved on your internal files I can't see  \n * She said that's never happened… However, it's happened every month (ever).\n * She explained I can see refills on my app. I (third time now) clarified that I'm not trying to **refill** I'm trying to **fill** a script and that I cannot see their internal \"saves\" on my personal app. I can only see refills  \n2. When I do call in after that first time I'm met with denial that I have anything on file\n * The assumption here… is that they assume \"refill\". I will remind the reader, there's an automated message before talking to the pharmacist that says \"are you trying to refill, or checking on a refill?\" that's normally where those callers go… I opted for something else, and call in with the same exact format every month (with consistency) and get a different behavior from their employees every time…  \n * After all that they find it magically and are able to fill (usually within one hour) ! again, reader, note this important part.\n3. When their business is out of stock, I find it surprising.  \n * You see, with a controlled substance, I am not able to transfer the script. I have to call my doctor, inconvenience them, wait, and schedule for a new script, call a different place, contact my dr. to send it there if they say yes (or contact different place if they don't have it), doctor sends, I wait 30-40 min for the pharmacy to accept, call the pharmacy to make sure they are starting to fill it, clarify **it's a script not a refill**… Then they say it will be ready within an hour (again, remember this) - Again this is all only ON the day of my LAST pill being ingested that I'm able to do any of this. So if I mess up and don't fill it\n * The pharmacist explained that they got new or unexpected customers (said a few, not many, and was generalizing for all prescriptions not just mine) and that they are sorry to not have anything in stock. They are not going to turn away customers.  \n * But they are okay with turning me away and completely inconveniencing someone who is stuck in their loop.\n\nAt the end of this I ask \"Okay, so you've filled it? Great. Will it be ready in about an hour?\" She replies \"Y… You know. I'm really backed up now. We'll send a text when it's ready\" …yeah, right.\n\nThis makes me upset because our conversation lasted four minutes and at the start of the conversation she said it would be filled shortly (with the normal expectation of it being an hour). Now she's saying it will be longer. I'm sitting here at 2 hours from that moment with no follow up text saying it's filled. Oh, by the way. Did I mention I took my last pill yesterday because I thought this would all be really efficient this morning and I'd be able to take it right before I went to work?\n\nAll of this, knowing I have ADHD because they are filling ADHD meds. The whole process, they're aware I'm not neurotypical yet continue to sweep issues under the rug and make the process difficult.   \n  \nI really am made to feel like I'm doing something wrong here and they're the ones that are in the wrong. I'm older now, but my younger self never could have navigated this bullshit. I think of all the people who have to be held to this employees whims just because they didn't accept their boilerplate and impatient responses to not listening to the customer. How can someone who holds that position be impatient in the first place? Their entire job revolves around people who are not having the best time in life, yet they expect us to be at some higher level of acceptance than they hold their own behavior to?",
      "CVS doesn't hold scripts? So my doctor wrote my script for Adderall to be filled tomorrow. I have a paper script. My usual pharmacy is closed on Sundays, so I decided to go to the neighborhood CVS today so that tomorrow I can just go and pick it up. The pharmacy tech took one look at my script and said \"sorry, but this says it can't be filled until February 4th\". I responded (very politely) \"well, that is tomorrow, I would like to drop it off today and pick it up tomorrow, if possible\" so then he says \"well normally we don't hold scripts, but I'll go ask\". So he goes and comes back a few minutes later and says \"well we don't have this in stock. We'd have to order it and it wouldn't be here until Thursday\". So I took my script back and left.\n\nWhy do I seem to have trouble like this every time I need to go to a different pharmacy? I don't like it.",
      "Early med refill due to quarantine, start date before 30 day window of last refill Hey guys. Wondering if anyone had any insight here. I’m going to be leaving the city where my doctor’s office is later this week to get some distance from the urban environment amidst the covid-19 outbreak. I called my doctor about getting my next scripts (adderall IR 30mg/adderall xr 30mg) before I leave later this week. He wrote them with start dates for today, although my last refill for the meds was on the first of this month, making it 8 days early. I pay for my prescription refills out of pocket, and was wondering if the pharmacy at my Dr’s office would refill them today, based on the start dates, regardless of the last fill date. A vacation refill exception is not present on the scripts, although it would be ideal to fill them prior to leaving the city as I’m headed somewhere pretty rural and I may have some issues filling them elsewhere. Thanks in advance, hope everyone’s well in these times."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3358,
    "label": "The feature represents the mention of the number three.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6702509218888862,
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      "probably joey...) were going to see the new 3d teenage mutant ninja turtle's movie at the movie theater.",
      "probably joey...) were going to see the new 3d teenage mutant ninja turtle's movie at the movie theater.",
      "three kids died that day."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3925,
    "label": "The feature represents the psychological impact of social media usage and the desire to disconnect to improve mental well-being.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5841284598647527,
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      "Low self-esteem and social media? Recently deleted *all* of my social media i.e. Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, etc. \n\nIt became an obsession almost and didn’t really make me feel great. \nI think it’s a start to me getting healthier and learning how to interact with people in real life. \n\nI feel kind of cut off from the world now, but it’ll pass in time I guess. It’s not like I have a life or death need to be connected 24/7. \n\nHas anyone else done something like this before?",
      "Social media is a big source of anxiety for me. Should I just delete it? I don’t want to “disappear” which is why I keep it but having it makes me super critical about where I’m at in life.\n\nAnyone here delete all their socials? How did/do you feel?",
      "Because I’ve deleted all other social media apps on my phone."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4122,
    "label": "The feature represents the literal and metaphorical experience of struggling against or navigating water.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5601074027912115,
    "pred_f1": 0.75,
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      "he kept trying to grab me in the water and play fight.",
      "he kept trying to grab me in the water and play fight.",
      "i was able to keep my head above water but with the force of the current unable to stand."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 2397,
    "label": "The feature detects themes related to physical home security, door locks, and concerns regarding unauthorized access or personal safety.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5,
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      "door locked, completely normal session.",
      "door locked, completely normal session.",
      "they both forgot to brick the door and he forgot his keycard."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3461,
    "label": "The feature represents the physical act of sitting or the struggle to remain seated.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7589998330200551,
    "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058,
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      "i chuckled, holding my hands up, and sat down in my comfy swivel chair.",
      "i go in and sit down at my usual seat.",
      "The difficulty of sitting still. My partner thinks I think he's boring which is why I will not sit with him through anything at all. \n\nNo, untrue. Even when I watch him play video games or whenever we watch TV together, my legs just give in and want to walk around. \n\nSo, instead of sitting still like a normal human being, I end up getting around; making cakes and whatnot instead; or just walk around for the sake of moving around because I really cannot stop moving. \n\nIt feels like the body is going through some traumatizing experience the moment I have to try to sit still. \n\nAny advice?"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 2339,
    "label": "The feature represents the practice and discussion of meditation as a coping mechanism or wellness strategy.",
    "pearson_r": 0.566223365199127,
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      "Stuff that's supposed to help Meditation\nExercise\nFish Oil\nVitamin D\nCold Showers\nNature\nSocialising\nGratitude\n\nWhat am I missing?",
      "Yes, definitely! Meditation is a life saver. I've been doing daily meditation for awhile now. I started thanks to a suggestion I got from someone here before, actually, haha. I would recommend it to anyone. It's something I consider essential now.",
      "I can finally meditate without getting discouraged Meditating used to stress me out because I have problems with focus and attention. I'd do the guided meditations which helped but i found myself getting frustrated with my constant thoughts. I felt like i was doing it wrong.\n\nI learned that this is actually very normal and nothing to feel bad about. You just try to gently return yourself to focusing on your breath. Now i can do meditation to just relaxing sounds (like the ocean or whatever else) and actually sit with my thoughts while also feeling very clear and stable. It's so empowering.\n\nAnyways, yeah. I'm really excited because now meditation is helping me sort my thoughts and feel less anxiety and depression especially the physical symptoms. I wanted to share this since it could maybe help other people who struggle."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 233,
    "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of managing Concerta medication, specifically regarding dosage, efficacy, and side effects.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6738895805048054,
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      "Concerta 54mg Recently got moved off matoride 54mg to concerta 54mg , even tho they are basically carbon copies of each other working the exact same way concerta seems to be way more uneven thru the day , for a few hours I will feel full effect then it will die then hit hard again, anyone have any experience with this?",
      "Concerta crashes? So I've been on Concerta since early 2016 (started off with various doses of Ritalin in 2015, working my way up from 10mg, eventually switching to Concerta 36mg), and have been on 72mg (highest dose) for about two years now. I haven't really had any issues, but about a year ago, my psychiatrist had me stop taking it on the weekends to help prevent me from pleating. \n\nOn Friday and today, I've started to feel strange. Googling it, I *think* it's some sort of Concerta crash? I basically get panicky, and I can't concentrate on anything, and my brain is all over the place. Physically, I feel antsy. \n\nI'm frekaing out because I genuinely don't know what's going on (my next psychiatrist appointment is on March 4th), and afraid I'll have to try some new medication. I'm really sensitive to medication in general (I'm that person who always gets the rarest side effects), so it's a blessing Concerta works on me. The fact I'm starting to have issues now all of a sudden when I need to focus on work more than ever, is scaring me.\n\nHas anyone else experienced a similar thing before? I bought some amino acid supplements to try and help. I'm hoping those help with these crashes and get me back on track.",
      "Concerta Issues &amp;#x200B;\n\nHey there, I've been on Concerta 54mg for a month, two months total after going up from 18 to 36 to 54 pretty quickly. I felt some benefits and some real improved mood and focus in the mornings especially when I first took it. I've written about it a little here before. But ever since being on 54 it seems my depression and anxiety, which I already have, have been so through the roof when it wears off that it's totally outweighing any benefits the Concerta might have had before. I'm also not sure that perhaps the Concerta is making me focus more on my depression.\n\nI've seen people write before about being on too high a dose of a medication, has anyone gone back down to 36 or so and felt much better or is it just a sign that Concerta is wrong for you? I'm hesitant to add an anti-anxiety or anti-depressant medication to Concerta to offset these effects when I'm not positive Concerta is really working all that well so that would be a major last resort for me.\n\nMy doctor also seems hesitant to prescribe a further IR booster to beat the crash and I probably agree wit him, as stacking medication after just a couple of months seems rash. \n\nThanks in advance if anyone has any thoughts. "
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 1536,
    "label": "The feature represents the psychological experience of physical touch, specifically the comfort, discomfort, and boundary-setting associated with hugging.",
    "pearson_r": 0.548571430006498,
    "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765,
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      "Since hugs themselves aren't the issue and it's more that hugs aren't normalized, you could take steps towards trying to normalize hugs in your friend group / in your environment, if you wanted to. If you did, then after a while that uncomfortable feeling would go away. I'm not saying you'd be cool with hugging strangers, but you'd be able to show platonic affection to your friends without it feeling weird, y'know? You'd essentially just be learning a new type of hug lmao",
      "Is the discomfort potentially attached to the gender of the person hugging you?",
      "People who try to hug me without permission get an elbow to the chest (or face, depending on relative height), and when I reluctantly agree it just feels invasive. When I want to hug someone and they reciprocate it feels quite good. As if there is a bit of a connection between us, which is missing from other relations."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 3927,
    "label": "The feature represents the theme of weddings and marital ceremonies.",
    "pearson_r": 0.8990168487838825,
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    "top_texts": [
      "some time ago my brother was engaged to be married and i attended my brotherly duties by financing the wedding cake.",
      "some time ago my brother was engaged to be married and i attended my brotherly duties by financing the wedding cake.",
      "years ago, my brother was best man in a wedding."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 4814,
    "label": "The feature represents personal reflections on navigating the public mental healthcare system and the associated struggles with institutional support.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6931976761726468,
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      "Jeg flyttede til Horsens i 2015 og boede der i tre år. Jeg var ude og inde af den ambulante psykose afdelingen de år. Kan det være der vores veje har krydset? Jeg mindes ikke at vi har snakket. Som sagt virkede du bare bekendt, særligt dit smil :)",
      "Men... Jeg har selv misbrugt alkohol og medicin for 5 år siden, da jeg ikke havde styr på mit hoved. ",
      "Olin aikaisemmin aika katkera julkisen mielenterveydenhuollon paskuudesta ja sitä seuranneesta neljän vuoden virastohelvetistä, mikä johti kodittomaksi. Olin sitä mieltä, että Suomi on paska maa, mutta nytten eläkkeelle pääsyn jälkeen ei voi kuin todeta, että eläkeläiselle Suomi on helvetin hyvä maa asua.    \n  \nHalusin vain tuoda ilmi, pieninkin eläke on monta sataa euroa suurempi kuin toimeentulotuella elävän tulot."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 1338,
    "label": "The feature represents preoccupation with hair-related behaviors, grooming habits, or hair-focused body-focused repetitive behaviors.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7000207109783022,
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      "Unhealthy obsession with hair Since November, I have been unhealthily obsessed with my hair. It started one day when I noticed my hair part went down a bit further on the back of my head. Those close to me told me my hair has always parted that way, but convinced myself that I was losing my hair.\n \nSince that day four months ago, I constantly count how many hairs come out of my head. I used to stare in the mirror for an hour a day and just examine my head, but more recently I can't even stand to look in the mirror.  Even though I shower, I hate doing it knowing I will see strands come out in the shower. I think I am losing my hair. My boyfriend and family have all said that my hair is fine and I look the same. A hairdresser even examined my hair for hair loss or bald spots and told me she saw none. I am constantly looking at other girls' hair and comparing my hair to theirs. It's all I think about everyday. Even sleep I can't escape, most of my dreams involve clumps of hair coming out and I wake up completely drenched in sweat. Usually I count about 20 or 30 strands in a day. Nothing comes out in clumps, just a strand here or there. \n\nThere are days where I think that all of this is in my head. That I am just anxious about my own life. I have moved three times in the last year, and I find it extremely difficult to be motivated. My boyfriend and I live in NYC now where he is a lawyer, I work in a retail store. I feel like such a loser all the time. I am in school but it will be a bit till I finish. There are days I feel like I won't ever finish. I've quit school before because I just felt I couldn't do it. I've suffered from depression before and was on Zoloft, Ativan, and Ritalin for it. I cut it all off cold turkey a couple of years ago. But then I have bad days where I can't even do anything. I am literally frozen on my couch or in bed, just afraid to face my hair.\n\nMy close circle of friends/boyfriend/mom-in-law have all said I need to get help. I have been to therapists before, they usually help through my depression, but this obsessive behavior towards my hair is new. They all say I need to be on a medication just until I can get over this hump of my hair obsession because it's completely taken over my life. But then I read that anti-depressants/anxiety medications can cause hair loss. That is the last thing I need right now. \n\nI feel hopeless and lost and I feel a bit insane. I don't know what to do.",
      "I brushed my hair today I’ve never been one to love brushing my hair. Once I got to college I only did it ever other day and put my hair in a bun or a hat. As my depression got worse, I started brushing less. I haven’t brushed my hair since the Tuesday before last, and it was already pretty bad when my fiancé dumped me. Ever since then I’ve been sleeping more and somehow my hair got worse than it’s ever been. It’s a little past my shoulder blades, but it was so tangled most of my hair stayed right on my shoulders. It felt like a huge ball of hair that I kept just putting in more and more buns and hats. Well today, I not only washed my hair, I brushed it. I broke the first brush I was using and had to get a new one. I had to take a water break as well, but it’s not tangled anymore. I’m gonna get a haircut soon because I know I probably just damaged tf out of my hair, but at least now I could braid it or wear it down if I need to go outside. Not a huge achievement, but it is for me",
      "Is trichotillamania a common thing with adhd I have problems in school with pulling my hair. I have bald spots and I hate it. Is it a common thing"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 1078,
    "label": "The feature represents the acute psychological stress and pressure associated with academic milestones and dissertation completion.",
    "pearson_r": 0.8491902207442993,
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      "I have a big deadline coming up for my thesis. I finished a final draft of my discussion, results, limitations, and conclusion sections last week. My advisor sent it back to me with his notes on Friday. He wants it back today or tomorrow so that he can review it again before I send it to my committee to prepare for the defense. I've hit all of my deadlines before this, but the tight turnaround time along with me feeling out of my depth to answer these abstract questions alongside my desire for it to be perfect alongside all of the pressure has me spiraling. I hosted/attended 3 back to back events Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, so my work time since Friday has been severely limited.",
      "I'm in the last few months of my masters and really struggling So I've managed to make it to the end of my masters, however I've now got a 15,000 word dissertation to do as well as two more big reports by next month which I've not revised.\n\nI've had a few days off work to do my dissertation and so far I've managed to do half a page... I massively struggle to remove distractions, however even without that I then have the problem of structuring my writing. I've never been able to write fast and think it's down to me over thinking what I'll write.\n\nHas anyone got tips for getting on top of this? I've quit smoking, drinking and gaming but even without those distractions I struggle to just write content ",
      "I just finished my thesis defense. My committee said \"congratulations, you passed! We just want you to make a few revisions.\" The revisions include some formatting and adding a paragraph to better explain the variance in the data in one of my moderation models. Is this normal? I genuinely feel like a failure. \nEdit: thanks guys. I suffer from a mental health disorder characterized by extreme perfectionism and excessive conscientiousness. Those were definitely getting to me yesterday because anything less than perfection feels like abject failure. Plus, my advisor isn’t very good at focusing on the positive, which contributed to my anxiety. But i appreciate the reality checks! :) \nhttps://reddit.com/r/GradSchool/comments/1hdkbds/is_it_normal_to_get_a_conditional_pass_with/"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 1389,
    "label": "The feature represents the challenges, burdens, and developmental difficulties associated with the transition into and experience of adulthood.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6312420489680832,
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      "Being…the adult. And facing all these responsibilities that come with it on your own.",
      "if only there were a class tht teach adults these things , I think it would help ND adults so much",
      "Is Adulthood even worth it? I absolutely hate adulthood.\n\nI'll turn 27 in a month and so far it has been pure agony.\n\nSince 2015 probably, I have had extreme depression and a serious existential crisis to which I just can't find a way to deal with. I was in therapy and found that most drugs are probably placebo as they didn't help one bit.\n\nThe number 1 reason why I hate my life, is because adulthood is not enjoyable.\n\nAs a kid I was loved unconditionally by my parents and was cared for and grew up in a snugly and peaceful environment.\n\nI had no sorrows, no pressures, I didn't have to take on any responsibilities and was very happy.\n\nI had lots of friends and social interactions were so god damn easy. Everything was simple.\n\nWe played football and other sports, played video games, went to the movies just hung out, wrestled, play fought with sticks 'n guns. It was heaven.\n\nEvery vacation was pure paradise. I visited lots of countries. Spain, Turkey, Greece, USA, Mexico, Tunisia, Sri Lanka, Singapore and many of them multiple times.\n\nOften times we were 4-6 children on these vacations because our parents were colleagues or friends and everyone just  joined up and stuff was awesome.\n\nI realize I lived a good and sheltered life and many non western kids didn't have that opportunity and enjoy adulthood more because they could lift themselves up from poverty.\n\nBut I already wasn't in poverty. I was at a perfect state of living and then after turning 18 you just get dragged out of that dream violently and are thrown into the real world and left to deal with it yourself.\n\nThis dark place where no one cares about you, where no one will help you, where no one loves you.\n\nWhere it's every man for himself.\n\nWhere it's all about money and how much of it you can earn and contribute to society.\n\nIt's a meritocracy, devoid of any compassion and humanity.\n\nAdults are treated as working slaves and have one purpose only: working their asses off for a very few rich people.\n\nThe only real joy a normal person can get out of being an adult is having a family.\n\nIf you don't have that you are truly lost and will never be truly happy.\n\nWell, I do not have a real family anymore. I lost all my close childhood friends after turning 18 and leaving school.\n\nI live in a 3.5 million city so it's very hard to keep in touch. I have searched every social media site I know for any of my old friends but didn't find any because they weren't even known where I lived in 2009.\n\nOr because none used their real names, I don't know.\n\nAnd my parents lost all their friends too because I lost contact to their friends's kids and so that's a very vicious cycle because now we don't talk and meet anymore because our kids don't and now we don't have to join our vacations together and everyone keeps to themselves now and it all went downhill.\n\nAnyway, so this meritocracy where it's all about money, only cares about people's skills and interests that can earn lots of money.\n\nThe sad thing is, that I do not have any such skills or interests.\n\nI liked reading books, watching movies, playing video games with my friends. Talking about said movies and books with my friends. Playing sports with my friends. You see were I am going. I never cultivated any interest in something practical, something that earns you top dollar later on. Sadly I am not interested in chemistry, IT, biology, economy, Law or politics.\n\nThat's why I am so unsuccessful and poor, working shitty short term jobs with shitty pay because I have zero qualification.\n\nNowadays I even hate my prior hobbies because I have no friends to share them with anymore.\n\nMy only solution to find any remote form of happiness, is to find someone to make a new family.\n\nBut the time of unconditional love is over, a poor, unsuccessful lazy loser won't find anyone.\n\nSure the kid will love you, but the relationship with your partner depends on your qualities and abilities.\n\nAnd when these aren't there to begin with or fade away over time, then the relationship will too.\n\nAnd I don't want to play the wage slave game to earn some made up currency so I can find someone who will love me for me but only when I have a nice paying job and good social status.\n\nI don't want to dedicate my life to some corporation and work 10 hours a day, 5 days in a week, only to come home, do the grocery shopping, do errands, do laundry, do the cooking, do the cleaning, do the dishes and then, after all that,\n\nI maybe have enough fee time to brush my teeth before going to bed and sleep the rest of my life away.\n\nI want a simpler life. I love nature and survivalism. I want to go back to a more frugal and slower life.\n\nI want to build a little wooden house near a forest, hunt and grow my own food.\n\nI watch these videos all the time on youtube but I just can't do it.\n\nI do not have the money and all that stuff is illegal where I live. You need permits for everything and can't hunt or grow your food because that food wouldn't be up to hygienic/health standards and could get it's way to other people's hands.\n\nI can't do it because I have mandatory insurance policies and other taxes to pay, even if I don't want any that crap.\n\nYou can probably guess what country likes those strict rules and permits for every fucking thing. EWERRYTINK ISS VORBIDDN!\n\nMy only hope is for a djinn to appear and grant me the wish to be a kid again or change into someone's pet, preferably a dog.\n\nOr maybe some VR stuff will come out and let me relive my childhood memories.\n\nOr give me 20k so I can leave this shitplace and go to canada and set myself up.\n\n&amp;#x200B;\n\nTL;DR\n\nI am depressed because life is too complex and strenuous for adults with very little to no joy in between.\n\nAdult life is burdened with many many responsibilities, fears and a lot of pressure to even be able to make a living.\n\nSociety only values how much money you can generate and what you contribute yet gives absolutely nothing back and essentially does not support or care about you.\n\nChildhood is the best time of life and you are loved unconditionally and live carefree in a cozy environment.\n\nUnconditional love doesn't exist in adulthood, so why is it worth to keep on living when your best time on this planet is already over and it's only going to get much worse in old age?"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 5063,
    "label": "This feature detects somatic symptoms or physical sensations localized to the legs.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6296410306404,
    "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666,
    "freq": 0.00811343500641038,
    "mean_pos": 6.744821071624756,
    "top_texts": [
      "`` my legs, gee.",
      "`` my legs, gee.",
      "my legs hurt."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 280,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience of executive dysfunction and procrastination regarding tasks and responsibilities.",
    "pearson_r": 0.8107223165422627,
    "pred_f1": 0.9,
    "freq": 0.014064563041772709,
    "mean_pos": 3.8879926204681396,
    "top_texts": [
      "Do not climb the stairs, just take one step. Today, I want you to make progress on that big project you are behind on, or that chore you have been putting off. Select one task you know you really need to get done.\n\nThen, take that task, and break it down into at least 5 steps or sub-tasks, and write these down on a piece of paper. Put that piece of paper in your pants pocket.\n\nSchedule an appointment with your task. Put it in your calendar or set an alarm on your phone. It's okay if you are a little bit late, or a little bit early, just make sure you show up to your appointment.\n\nIn that appointment with yourself, complete step 1 that you wrote down, and *only* step 1.\n\nI know a lot of this is easier said than done, but when you break an overwhelming tasks into smaller parts, it not only feels less intimidating, it is easier to focus and complete those steps toward the goal, then just trying to accomplish the goal ",
      "Putting things off used to mean I didn’t have to do them. “I’ll do better next time” is a lie. Now putting things off means I have to go for a run at 9pm, in the dark, and 15 degrees colder than if I went when I was supposed to.\n\nNow putting things off means I get out of bed in the middle of the night to brush my teeth and wash my face because I didn’t do it before passing out.\n\nNow putting things off means I have to eat oatmeal while starting my morning tasks at work because being late to grab food at a drive-thru is no longer an option.\n\nNow putting things off means I have to sacrifice something and make a change now, not just get away with it and saying I’ll do better next time. ",
      "Putting off things you enjoy doing... Why?!? Any tips to stop? I am the dungeon master for two D&amp;D campaigns right now. I really enjoy figuring out the world and what they'll encounter and how to make encounters interesting and all the political factions, etc.\n\nBut I always, always, always procrastinate. I have a game tomorrow at noon (10 hours from now) that I still have to prep for, and I still have to sleep!\n\nI like doing the prep. I enjoy it when I get going, but I just can't get started!\n\nAny tips? Honestly at this point, I'm going to sleep now, and then wake up in a few hours and take my meds so hopefully that will help some...\n\n**TL;DR:** Any tips to just start on things you're procrastinating on, even if you totally enjoy them? "
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3318,
    "label": "The feature detects discussions regarding racial identity and the social appropriateness of racial terminology.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5780357550578805,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
    "freq": 0.008955395242924664,
    "mean_pos": 6.0825090408325195,
    "top_texts": [
      "it's not racist to say black.",
      "it's not racist to say black.",
      "I always assumed that when people said they wanted a Black therapist, they meant they wanted someone who understood their difficulties w/ racism/microaggression/colorism but perhaps I was incorrect?"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 5109,
    "label": "The feature represents the theme of strained or abusive relationships with a biological mother.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5659935325020112,
    "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765,
    "freq": 0.013528770163990891,
    "mean_pos": 3.9254631996154785,
    "top_texts": [
      "I’m not even sure where to post this After six years of not speaking to my biological mother she suggests we go to therapy. She blew me off for my 25th birthday. \n\nI only started trying to speak to her bc my little sister is pregnant so we’re going to have to be around one another. \n\nShe lied to my sister as to why we stopped speaking. We stopped because she stopped. I wish her happy Mother’s Day that year and she asked who it was. Interestingly I got an iPhone spring of that year. I could see she was seeing my messages (I’d text and call regularly between my birthday in January for a few months). I stopped trying after that. \n\nUs not talking causes my sister so much grief bc all she has is us and we don’t speak. I tried only for my sister. I would do anything for her. \n\nAnyway, a few emails exchanged before I asked why she did it. She has never been able to acknowledge her actions (according to my sister this is normal).  I reminded her and said how I felt and that’s when the therapy suggestion was made. \n\nLike.... you hurt me? But no apology? Why on earth would I go to therapy with someone after ten emails? Even my sister thinks it’s ridiculous. \n\nI just.... fucking wow.",
      "Im in mourning of someone who is still alive Until my recent mental health diagnoses, I hadn't really delved deep enough into my issues to consider my mother being a victim herself. I guess its just felt almost impossible for me to view her as a victim when she has become an accomplice to, and adopted the personality of, an abuser...her abuser.\n\nWhenever I think of her it feels like im mourning a person thats already dead. Maybe I feel that way because sometimes I genuinely wish she was dead. I hear stories of people who have lost their parents and although I cannot understand their pain, it makes me wish that I was in their shoes instead. I wish that I could say that I knew my mother loved me and through unfortunate circumstances had passed away but leaving me with those fond memories that people talk about. \n\nMy emotions are as raw as they have ever been. In fact as I grow older, the more upset I get. The more I feel resentment at the abuser who I have to accept has permanently stolen my mother from me. Worse yet, the crushing nostalgia when I hear a woman speaking softly or see a mother kissing their child on the head, which I can now only vaguely remember from my own mother. Im left craving any woman who I hope can fill that deep void and it hurts so bad, it hurts so much more when they do anything even inadvertently that reminds me of my mother emotionally abandoning me. Deep down I want to be a father but I have to pursuade myself to the point of almost believing I dont want to be. My heart would break every time that I could give my child something I still yearn for myself. It feels like I will never be able to move on from this mourning. \n\nI just wish there was anything that I could do. How can you revive a person from such emotional vacancy that it feels like they are a walking headstone to be cried over and cried for. How can you get them to feel the pain when their reality is changed in such a way that you are the unreasonable one and they believe that they are happy despite living in tradgedy. I just hope that in our ultimate death there is also peace.",
      "Ok, so I am an expert with cutting off family. I stopped talking to my mother in 2013 and didn't talk to her again until 2019 with my aunt acting as a sort of intermediary. First of all, I am glad your mom is seeking help and improving. A lot of people don't improve and don't take responsibility for their actions. \n\nHowever you are responsible for your own health and healing, not hers. If interacting with her comes with a cost/injury to you then just don't interact with her. You can always reach out to her later (months? years?) when your mental health is stronger."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4482,
    "label": "The feature represents the concept of hypersensitivity, specifically regarding emotional reactivity, sensory processing, or physiological thresholds.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5394978419409258,
    "pred_f1": 0.7407407407407407,
    "freq": 0.012438048948506477,
    "mean_pos": 4.252518653869629,
    "top_texts": [
      "Pretty much all of them to some degree... Hypersensitive would be the strongest, followed by conflicted.",
      "I despise my hyper-sensitivity. Why can’t I just get over things? I hate how easily my feelings get hurt. I don’t feel that I was coddled at all growing up, nor was I deprived of love/support, so was I just born a sensitive POS? It’s the thing I hate the most about myself. My boyfriend told me that he loved that I packed his lunch everyday and appreciates it, but he’d prefer I not pack a certain food anymore because he didn’t really like it. I smiled and said no problem, but for some reason it made me so sad/mad at myself. Like I felt so stupid for putting that in his lunch. Obviously I can’t tell/show anyone I feel that way because it’s fucking crazy and not normal to react like that, especially when he approached me so kindly about it.\n\nWhat the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I just accept criticism without being deeply, deeply hurt by it? Why does it destroy me when someone points out a flaw I have in a kind and concerned way? I just want to be normal and be able to grow some tougher skin. I hate being sensitive. I hate caring so much about appearing perfect and making sure no one is able to have any ammo to talk shit to/about me.\n\nDoes anyone else have this problem? It makes me hate myself even more than I already do. I take Wellbutrin and Seroquel, I don’t know if that has anything to do with it. I’ve been on it for almost 10 years and it’s hard for me to remember if I was this sensitive when I was younger. I don’t know. Just feeling really down about it.\n\nI hate caring.",
      "As a side note, I find this fascinating and wish there were more scientific studies on the THC sensitivity threshold. Anecdotally, I've noticed sensitive individuals usually seem to have either (1) been heavy weed smokers in adolescence, (2) have a history of mental health issues, or both. I have a feeling THC sensitivity is more prevalent in these groups. "
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1361,
    "label": "The feature represents the description of physical injury and the presence of blood.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6441922953241904,
    "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666,
    "freq": 0.009204156221894794,
    "mean_pos": 5.7272844314575195,
    "top_texts": [
      "i felt water running down my face, but once it landed on my white work pants, i realized that the water feeling was blood pouring out my head.",
      "i felt water running down my face, but once it landed on my white work pants, i realized that the water feeling was blood pouring out my head.",
      "i had never seen so much blood."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4392,
    "label": "The feature captures the enactment of violent, sadistic, or restrictive power fantasies within roleplay and chatbot interactions.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5966295900958077,
    "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333,
    "freq": 0.012093610669932453,
    "mean_pos": 4.348914623260498,
    "top_texts": [
      "Idk I killed astarion from BG3 but decapitating him and resurrecting him as just a head, hung him by the ears in my house, and threatened to cut out his tongue with scissors and pluck out his eyes with a melon baller until he cried and had a panic attack. So maybe some bots are just built different? Lmao",
      "i place shackles around my ankles and then around my wrists, messing one up and having to redo it with a muttered curse.",
      "i place shackles around my ankles and then around my wrists, messing one up and having to redo it with a muttered curse."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 186,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience of retrospective regret and ruminative questioning regarding past decisions or lost potential futures.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5962949581226741,
    "pred_f1": 0.782608695652174,
    "freq": 0.011787443311199984,
    "mean_pos": 4.250019550323486,
    "top_texts": [
      "Again none of that was judgment, and if you go through with it I don't blame you. But when I've done that, it've regretted it",
      "i will regret it.",
      "i will regret it."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 224,
    "label": "The feature identifies discussions specifically centered on Schizoid Personality Disorder and its terminology.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5877432123120752,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
    "freq": 0.00975908455959739,
    "mean_pos": 5.098611354827881,
    "top_texts": [
      "Just a heads up that schizoid is an actual thing. Schizoid personality disorder. I do agree with the rest though",
      "No, I don’t. However there is such a thing as schizoid dilemma, which is where schizoids still crave relationships every once in a while, and might even act on it. We are still human after all. However, I also believe most schizoids who feel it, either don’t act on it because it is a temporary emotion that doesn’t actually represent what they want or want long term, and those that try it often end up cutting those relationships because again, it did not truly represent what they wanted long term and they simply struggle to maintain those relationships for schizoid like reasons.",
      "I like schizoid as its etymology fits perfectly: **skhizein** (greek) meaning split, **eidos** meaning form - or better yet **id** meaning the most basic part of your personality according to Freud (according to google, do not ask me about any of this lol. My psychologist who diagnosed me explained schizoid as \"split ego\" or \"split self\", which I think fits very well)."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1089,
    "label": "The theme is the inquiry into or discussion of herbal and dietary supplements for managing mental health symptoms.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6283988295561083,
    "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765,
    "freq": 0.010486232036586999,
    "mean_pos": 4.745037078857422,
    "top_texts": [
      "Anyone tried St. John’s Wort or any other supplement for depression and anxiety? Any that you recommend? I’ve been taking magnesium and l-theanine for anxiety and it does help a bit, but in terms of depression I’m the same.",
      "Herbal Supplements and Depression - Any Positive Experiences? This is my first post here after reviewing the rules. I wanted to check in and see if anyone has had any experience using herbal supplements to help them manage or deal with their depression? \n\nAfter I lost access to health care and the medications I was taking to mange and alleviate symptoms of depression I started looking to some affordable options. I actually looked into herbs and eventually had a conversation with my mother where she suggested I try into St. John’s Wort since that was something that her grandmother used ages ago for similar purposes.\n\nI’m currently on my third day of taking St. John’s Wort supplements and I was wondering if  anyone else has given these a shot and could potentially report back on anything they’ve observed? \n\nTo be clear I’m not asking for medical advice or solutions, just trying to locate a community or see if anyone else has suggestions for other remedies. Hope this makes sense! ",
      "supplements My father looked online and showed me that vitamin D and Omega 3 is good for people with schizophrenia. Does anyone take these, and if so, do they work? Thanks "
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3146,
    "label": "The feature represents the metaphorical experience of carrying emotional burdens or psychological weight.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5948737338966688,
    "pred_f1": 0.782608695652174,
    "freq": 0.011787443311199984,
    "mean_pos": 4.2132248878479,
    "top_texts": [
      "Oh damn, that's heavy OP. It must suck to carry that with you. Hope you're doing okay &lt;3",
      "i remember carrying jithu on my back everyday... my back used to ache but i never stopped carrying him.",
      "i remember carrying jithu on my back everyday... my back used to ache but i never stopped carrying him."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1677,
    "label": "The feature identifies technical discussions regarding the diagnostic criteria and clinical definitions of schizoaffective disorder.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6521050181802258,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
    "freq": 0.009223291681815573,
    "mean_pos": 5.261754512786865,
    "top_texts": [
      "The first paragraph isn't accurate. The timeline of psychosis for schizoaffective disorder is only 2 weeks outside of a mood episode which creates the misconception that it's more mild, and honestly there are a small number of people who have only had 2 weeks of psychosis. But the schizophrenia symptoms of schizoaffective disorder can be and often are just as severe and prevalent as they are in stock schizophrenia. Besides the two-week lower time limit, the only difference between schizoaffective and schizophrenia+mood disorder is that schizoaffective requires mood symptoms to be present 50% of the time or more during the course of the illness to be considered schizoaffective, otherwise it's schizophrenia + mood disorder.\n\nThe symptom criteria of the psychosis itself is exactly the same.",
      "The only thing I'd correct you on is that it's only schizoaffective disorder if mood disorder symptoms are present at least 50% of the time over the course of the schizophrenia symptoms, otherwise the two disorders are diagnosed separately.\n\nSchizoaffective is also a tricky diagnosis because nobody can agree on what the core actually is. Is it a psychotic mood disorder in which psychotic symptoms exist outside of mood symptoms? Is it primarily schizophrenia and the people coincidentally also have mood symptoms? Does it really matter? I'd argue that it's unique to whoever has it. For example mine is pretty clearly \"mostly\" schizophrenia due to it lasting multiple years in psychosis, has prominent negative symptoms, and had a schizophrenia prodromal period. However I also fully fit the criteria for bipolar 1 even if psychosis wasn't present. However, my schizophrenic symptoms are more disruptive and chronic in general.",
      "I will say I get your point that it's not necessarily different from a mood disorder + schizophrenia-like psychosis. But there are some things I'd like to pick apart that you said.\n\nThe difference between schizoaffective disorder and psychotic depression is that psychosis in psychotic depression is only present during mood episodes and is usually mood-congruent. It needs to be schizophrenic psychosis which has very different characteristics from depressive psychosis. Basically, there's a world of difference between schizoaffective disorder and psychotic depression.\n\nIt is also different from schizo spectrum + bipolar disorder/MDD because it needs to be schizophrenia-level psychosis (not just schizo spectrum) with mood symptoms present half or more of the time. Schizotypal (personality) disorder + a mood disorder, or BPD + a mood disorder (or a combination of STPD and BPD) would *not* be schizoaffective.\n\nThe duration of psychosis is what's different between schizophrenia and schizoaffective. Schizophrenia needs 6 months, while schizoaffective needs 2 weeks *outside* of a mood episode. This creates the common misconception that schizoaffective disorder is less severe than schizophrenia - lots of people with schizoaffective disorder, myself included, more than meet the 6 month requirement. I had a psychotic break constant for 2 and a half years with mood symptoms throughout about three quarters of the time, but the psychosis was rarely mood-congruent.\n\nLastly, anxiety disorders have nothing to do with schizoaffective disorder or schizophrenia. They are not mood disorders. Someone with schizophrenia plus GAD would be diagnosed with both. Someone with schizoaffective and GAD would be diagnosed with both. Someone with bipolar+psychotic features or depression+psychotic features plus GAD would *not* be diagnosed as schizoaffective."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4163,
    "label": "The feature detects the experience of sudden, intense emotional shock or surprise.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6883407732137669,
    "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778,
    "freq": 0.011653495091754531,
    "mean_pos": 4.155361652374268,
    "top_texts": [
      "that perfect storm of shock and horror.",
      "that perfect storm of shock and horror.",
      "my eyes went from the shocked and surprised look of the csm to the lady and, in milliseconds the center of my chest was bombarded with such intense relief and joy, tears pooled in my eyes."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4712,
    "label": "The feature represents the intersection of military service, career-related mental health challenges, and the navigation of institutional medical policies.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5013789748246523,
    "pred_f1": 0.625,
    "freq": 0.008668363344112976,
    "mean_pos": 5.3519721031188965,
    "top_texts": [
      "Yes. I served, got diagnosed at the military and stayed there few years after getting diagnosed, honourably discharge in the beginning of 2020, at the beginning I was a shit show but after i got to a commender who I respected and view fondly to this day I did really well. I wasn’t a fighter and wasn’t allowed to have a weapon because if I will be honest they didn’t trust me with a weapon, I was a medic",
      "Really depends on your mos. I know two operators on Carson with it. If you are a low level soldier then you could be kicked out. Just go to a civilian if you need therapy and don’t tell your command. You have tricare so use it",
      "Alternatives to Military Service So my SZ has been recessed and treated for more than two years at this point, and I have been looking into joining the coast guard to get some excitement into my life. Unfortunately, the military won’t even take people with mild ADHD, let alone people who were hospitalized.\nAre there any alternatives out there? Doing meaningful physical work is something I want in my life. \n\nI’ve been thinking about AmeriCorps and being a merchant mariner. "
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4552,
    "label": "The feature represents the social dissemination of controversial or traumatic news within a community.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6829800524321532,
    "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947,
    "freq": 0.01188312061080388,
    "mean_pos": 3.902834892272949,
    "top_texts": [
      "One of my best friends has been accused of sexual harassment/rape by another friend. I don't know what to do. Someone who has been a great friend to me, whom I love, has been accused of rape. To preface: I've been friends with this man for nearly 10 years now. Ill refer to him as friend A (or \"A\"). He has always been a great friend to me. There for me when I needed him. Always around if I wanted to hang out. Always there if I needed someone to talk to. We've been friends all throughout highschool and college. Although I don't consider him my greatest friend, he is most definitely one of my closest. Recently my greatest friend, my hetero-life partner (HLP), was told something disturbing by a mutual friend of ours. It's important to note that HLP and I are a couple years apart in age. This mutual friend (friend \"B\") says that when A and B were a senior and freshman, respectively, in highschool A made up a game. The game being that all the cool kids let A touch their dicks. B being a introverted, shy, anxiety ridden sort of person was too paralyzed to speak out, and let it happen. Throughout the year during the band/football season, A repeatedly grabbed B's dick without consent. Not until recently has B said anything about the incident. \nThis information has just come to light, and now I feel stuck in a situation where it is one friend's word against another. My HLP and his gf are vehemently on the side of friend B. They believe it's necessary to completely cut ties with A. I find myself in a position where my friend group is rapidly thinning, I feel depressed and alone most of the time, and now I'm split between two sides where either I must cut ties with one of my best friends(A), or severely hurt a relationship that has become a huge part of my life (HLP). No part of me believes that B would lie about something like this. I think it's super fucked up that A would do something like this, and I don't think I can be friends with him any longer. At the same time, I feel so alone. I don't want to lose any more friends.. especially not someone who has always been a great friend, and confidant. I feel caught between a moral problem, and my own happiness. I don't know if I'll ever be able to see A the same way again. I JUST WISH IT WASNT TRUE. I feel forced to side with HLP, friend B. In a few years they will have left me, I'll have cut ties with A, and I'll be completely, utterly, alone.",
      "as you can imagine word spread like wildfire.",
      "as you can imagine word spread like wildfire."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4414,
    "label": "The feature identifies individuals seeking information and guidance regarding the initiation of new psychiatric treatments or therapeutic interventions.",
    "pearson_r": 0.8827323418030434,
    "pred_f1": 0.9473684210526315,
    "freq": 0.012457184408427257,
    "mean_pos": 3.701756477355957,
    "top_texts": [
      "What to expect from Antidepressants? I finally got prescribed some antidepressants today, and I've been wondering what I should expect when I first take them. I've heard the past few days or weeks could be rough, but is there anybody with firsthand experience who can tell me how it is?\n\nBtw I'm going to bed right now, so I kinda hope to have at least 2-3 answers tomorrow\n\nThanks in advance!",
      "Starting my 8 year old on Ritalin what should I expect? After 8 years he has officially been diagnosed and will start medication on school days.\n\nWhat should I expect for the first few days/weeks?\n\nHow will he feel?\n\nAnything I should know/look out for?",
      "What to expect with Psychotherapy? Hi everyone,   \n\n\nI'm about to start psychotherapy for the first time - can anyone tell me what to expect? Is it intense? Emotional? Do people tend to feel good or bad after?"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3833,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience of entomophobia or tactile hallucinations involving insects.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6089143260166066,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
    "freq": 0.008840582483399988,
    "mean_pos": 5.192134380340576,
    "top_texts": [
      "a bee got into my pants and crawled all the way up my leg.",
      "i’m going nuts man :(should i go to the doctor to confirm it’s beetles?",
      "This is a good thing to teach Folx. Like, I'm terrified of Bees (I know and respect theyre important to the environment, but they scare tf out of me due to childhood stuff, so you don't have to try and convince me about how cool and safe bees are. I know that bees are great, but I'm still scared of them, and talking isn't gonna get me past that fear.) Anyway, I'm shit scared of Bees and Wasps, but I'm not a swatter, I'm more of a Panic Freeze Move it it tries to land on me and then get TF away from it as soon as there's a chance. It's still good for people who do instinctively swat at stuff to know this"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4706,
    "label": "The feature represents the pharmacological and neurochemical mechanisms of psychoactive substances and psychiatric medications.",
    "pearson_r": 0.7847999968608002,
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      "Wikipedia to the rescue.   \n   \n[5-Chloro-α-methyltryptamine (5-Chloro-αMT), also known as PAL-542, is a tryptamine derivative related to α-methyltryptamine (αMT) and one of only a few known specific serotonin-dopamine releasing agents (SDRAs)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5-Chloro-%CE%B1MT)   \n    \n[αMT acts as a relatively balanced reuptake inhibitor and releasing agent of the main three monoamines; serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine,[9] and as a non-selective serotonin receptor agonist.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alpha-Methyltryptamine)",
      "All psychedelics have serotonin activity. Most antidepressants (SSRI's etc) and some antipsychotics work on serotonin that is why they have an effect on a trip. That is the correlation in here.   \n  \nI am not very knowledgeable on dissos in general but iirc they usually don't have serotonin activity. But you can check that by yourself.",
      "Mirtazapine has antihistamine, α2-blocker, and antiserotonergic activity.\\[8\\]\\[81\\] It is specifically a potent antagonist or inverse agonist of the α2A-, α2B-, and α2C-adrenergic receptors, the serotonin 5-HT2A, 5-HT2C, and the histamine H1 receptor.\\[8\\]\\[81\\] Unlike many other antidepressants, it does **not inhibit the reuptake of serotonin, norepinephrine, or dopamine**,\\[8\\]\\[81\\] **nor does it inhibit monoamine oxidase**.\\[82\\] Similarly, mirtazapine has weak or no activity as an anticholinergic or blocker of sodium or calcium channels, in contrast to most TCAs.\\[8\\]\\[75\\]\\[81\\] In accordance, it has better tolerability and low toxicity in overdose.\\[8\\]\\[83\\] As an H1 receptor antagonist, mirtazapine is extremely potent, and is in fact the most potent of all the TCAs and TeCAs.\\[76\\]\\[84\\]\\[85\\] **Antagonism of the H1 receptor is by far the strongest activity of mirtazapine**, with the drug acting as a selective H1 receptor antagonist at low concentrations.\\[8\\]\\[75\\]\""
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2959,
    "label": "The feature represents physical pain or somatic discomfort localized in the neck.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6338282495571763,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
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      "i went and had my neck stretched.",
      "i went and had my neck stretched.",
      "at this point i am confident that my neck could actually heal completely which is unlike how i felt about it previously."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 2396,
    "label": "The feature identifies the search for or discussion of potential benefits and positive attributes associated with neurodivergent conditions.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6468462273531508,
    "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666,
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      "As far as I've been able to tell there is no upside to schizophrenia. People are supposed to be able to tell the difference between internal ideas and external reality, we often lack the ability to do that. We will actively ignore external stimuli in favor of reacting to internal stimuli as though it is real. That's a problem.\n\nAny advantage that there might be, such as active imaginations and thinking outside box, are found plenty enough in people without this condition. Sorry to be the pessimist here.",
      "There are some benefits to having aspergers that, now that you're diagnosed, you can discover &amp; learn to take advantage of. For example, aspies' obsessive thirst for knowledge can be beneficial in certain jobs.",
      "Benefits of adhd In my experience my adhd feels more like a benefit because i often come up with new idea's or have more energy than others. It also feels like certain senses are enhanced compared to \"normal\" people,especially when i suddenly hear something move. So do any of you have stories that make you love your adhd?"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 808,
    "label": "The feature represents a state of physical vulnerability and submissive posturing in the presence of an immediate perceived threat.",
    "pearson_r": 0.8239773614639175,
    "pred_f1": 0.75,
    "freq": 0.009931303698884402,
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    "top_texts": [
      "i hid my face in my knees not letting the intruder see my current state.",
      "i hid my face in my knees not letting the intruder see my current state.",
      "he knelt down beside me again, searching my eyes."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3150,
    "label": "The feature represents the physical act of skin-picking or self-inflicted dermatological injury.",
    "pearson_r": 0.556289532189131,
    "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156,
    "freq": 0.009146749842132455,
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    "top_texts": [
      "i almost completely ripped off my little toe's nail in the process, scraped up another toe, and got a twinge in the ball of my foot, but i'm not complaining.",
      "i almost completely ripped off my little toe's nail in the process, scraped up another toe, and got a twinge in the ball of my foot, but i'm not complaining.",
      ", the blisters on my feet ( the wound on my large toe )."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 5103,
    "label": "The feature represents experiences of dissociation, depersonalization, and derealization characterized by distorted perceptions of reality, self, and space.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5264829685250595,
    "pred_f1": 0.75,
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    "top_texts": [
      "Strange perceptual distortions, has anyone had similar experiences? When I see a person's face out of the corner of my eye, regardless of the position their head is in I see it shift 90 degrees for a second or two so that it's looking right at me and then either shift to where it started from or turn another 45 degrees so that it's looking behind me. It's as if their face became detached and moved independently from their head. This happens once or twice when someone's in my peripheral vision.  \n\n\nThere are times when a room I've been in before will feel significantly smaller. That sense of your body's position, how you know that if you were to extend your arm you'd brush against the wall, that's the one that feels altered. Myself and everyone else in a room seem to've expanded and take up more space, as if my limbs can extend further away from my body.",
      "Calling upon you fellow fragments. I don't understand where I am, what I am, or what I'm doing here. Ever since I was a kid I unintentionally shuffle through being different people and lately it just keeps happening more often.  It's like the memories and preferences etc stay there for the most part but the consciousness itself feels very different and separate from those things. It's almost like the consciousness has to mold to this personality that's in this body and it's trapped in that role. Thoughts feel like they're not mine and talking feels like operating a robot. I looked in the mirror and I cried. I thought \"I just don't get you\" and felt like I was looking at a divine entity. Why does this mind feel so foreign? I don't feel like I belong here. I feel so far away from everything and it's hurting how I feel far away from my love. I can feel the cosmic energy of us but it just feels so far away right now and it hurts. I don't know what to do here and I'm not feeling time at all. This feels really lonely. When I look at my love I keep thinking I hope I actually know him and I hope he's actually real. I don't know what I am but i don't feel like I belong in this body or mind.\nhttps://reddit.com/r/SpiritualAwakening/comments/xhy0uk/please_help_me_try_to_understand_whats_going_on/",
      "I sometimes have similar difficulties with space. When I walk, outside especially, sometimes I feel that I'm not moving, but rather space is moving/unfolding around me like one of water tubes where the inside becomes the outside."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3019,
    "label": "The feature represents cognitive impairment related to reading comprehension and focus.",
    "pearson_r": 0.8792096445652512,
    "pred_f1": 0.9473684210526315,
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      "The typical “read a whole page without retaining” with ~flair~ Not only will I read a whole page without actually retaining anything, but the entire time my eyes are still reading, I’m thinking about the fact that even though I’m not retaining, I don’t stop. I just keep going and hope at the end of the page, I somehow managed to make enough sense of the passage. If not, time for another 20 second skim. \n\nIn other news, being an English minor is fun. ",
      "How do you guys read curriculum-books when studying? I can't read more than a few paragraphs at a time without meds, and a maximum of 8 pages at a time if I use meds and the pomadoro teqnique, but after having read 20 pages I get too restless to read anymore. \n\nAny teqniques you guys use to read more effectively and for longer durations of time or pages?",
      "How do I get back into reading? I used to love reading as a kid. Seriously you could not pry me away from a book if I was enjoying it. But now I just can’t do it anymore. It takes me forever to read. I read a paragraph, register none of it, and have to reread it again to understand it. Often I have to do this several times for the same paragraph. It takes me like 10 minutes per page, if I am even able to stay focused for that long. I hate it and it makes me sad to not be able to read any more. Plus, i’m having  immense difficulty completing reading assignments on time. \n\nSo what do you guys do when you have to read a lot?"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 844,
    "label": "The feature identifies the act of offering, discussing, or evaluating the sincerity of apologies and the admission of fault in interpersonal relationships.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6052717995608384,
    "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579,
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    "top_texts": [
      "Once you've forgiven yourself. Then you can start offering a sincere apology to others. Remember, you can only control what you feel and what you say. That you ask for forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person will accept your apology so be prepared for that scenario.",
      "he says, (speaking clearly for the first time) \"i apologize, sir!",
      "he says, (speaking clearly for the first time) \"i apologize, sir!"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2026,
    "label": "The feature represents the use of television shows as a mechanism for emotional regulation and coping with mental health struggles.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5518945695908283,
    "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666,
    "freq": 0.007902944947281807,
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    "top_texts": [
      "OA is the best show ever! If you haven't seen it you should watch. Ive never been more into a TV show.",
      "good shows to watch? i don’t know what to watch haha\n\nif y’all could give me suggestions that would be sick\n\nmy go to is us the office but i’m in england so it’s not on netflix :(\n\nsitcoms are too upbeat for me to watch but i also don’t know want to watch anything so depressing bc i’m already wanting to die lol\n\nthanks dudes",
      "Oh man...certain shows I just fucking CANNOT. I had to stop watching orange is the new black after season 2 bc I just sobbed through every episode. I also had a really hard time after Rita was killed in Dexter (was going through horrible depression and a heroin addiction at the time which didn’t help). There is a lot more, i also don’t finish the ends of shows."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1717,
    "label": "The feature detects the presence or brandishing of bladed weapons in a narrative context.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6240192894539396,
    "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666,
    "freq": 0.008649227884192196,
    "mean_pos": 4.363229274749756,
    "top_texts": [
      "he instanly freaked out on me for having this knife in my hand standing over this deer with a sliced throat.",
      "he instanly freaked out on me for having this knife in my hand standing over this deer with a sliced throat.",
      "yelling for everyone to get back or get inside, i draw a knife from pocket and with my thumb i flip it open, a practice i'm used to after sea duty and my time in iraq."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 4929,
    "label": "The feature detects explicit descriptions of graphic, lethal violence and physical trauma.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6891846386443025,
    "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058,
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    "top_texts": [
      "drown them in blood.",
      "drown them in blood.",
      "then they kill him."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 4185,
    "label": "The feature represents inquiries and concerns regarding the specific side effects, dosage management, and physical reactions associated with Zoloft (sertraline) medication.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5215655772201575,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
    "freq": 0.006563462752827264,
    "mean_pos": 5.600066184997559,
    "top_texts": [
      "Tinnitus made worse by medication I've started an SSRi, Zoloft, and within two days my tinnitus has become unbearably loud. Should I stop taking it? Or is there ways to reduce the tinnitus, (ringing in the ear)...",
      "What do I do if I forgot to take my Zoloft I accidentally skipped a day of taking it. Should I double up today or just keep taking one?",
      "What do I do if I forgot to take my Zoloft I accidentally skipped a day of taking it. Should I double up today or just keep taking one?"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3102,
    "label": "The feature represents the intersection of financial distress, debt-related anxiety, and feelings of hopelessness.",
    "pearson_r": 0.895418925668165,
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    "top_texts": [
      "How to overcome debt with depression? Imagine having everything you could ever dream of.  Imagine living in some of the most beautiful places around the globe. An education and social life many would envy. A beautiful wife and happy kids. In August of 2016 my best friend took his own life. \n\n&amp;#x200B;\n\nTo be honest, I never really understood depression much before this point. I heard about it all the time and just thought, unfortunately, what most people think, \"lazy\" \"sad\" \"just do it\" I dunno, those kinds of things. Since that day, I've never felt the same. I'm 25 years old now and am struggling reddit. I know a lot of people struggle out there, trying to keep their nose to the grind. I had a clean driving record for 6 years, the year of his death I got into 3 vehicle accidents. I felt like had melted inside, my brain couldn't process things like it use to. I lost my employment for a while due to this. Life without a car left me in a more challenging spot to find work, sunk me deeper into depression and now a decent chunk of debt to toss into my worries. I've since found decent employment that still leaves me with hardly anything just after the interest payments. The kicker to this is I was screwed out of a promotion yesterday.\n\n&amp;#x200B;\n\nI now understand what it's like to not want to get out of bed. Not because I'm lazy, because I mentally can't even choose to live. I've thought about notes and who I'd mail them to or leave them for. I cry myself to sleep everyday. I watch as my girlfriend thrives, wondering when she's gonna leave me.\n\n&amp;#x200B;\n\nMy Credit Card reads $16,000, I'm 4 months behind on my property tax, water bill due today and have $1.37 in my bank account. My doggo has food till payday, the lights are on and that's all that matters. \n\n&amp;#x200B;\n\nI'm a god damn mess reddit and I don't know what the heck to do. I've applied for hundreds of jobs, I've asked for raises and more responsibilities as well. I've cut back, starved, kept my dog fed and have tried my best every day to chip away at this problem but have only paid barely kept the interest paid. I feel like I've lost all ability to function properly, to increase or learn new skills, I truly feel like I'm unable to live.\n\n&amp;#x200B;\n\nWhere ever you are, who ever you are, keep your head up, smile. The world isn't fair, what they say is true, if you want something, don't wait for it to come, go out there and get it. Whatever obstacles you might face, keep fighting. \n\n&amp;#x200B;\n\nI've had an horrendous start to the year that is still going to be mine. If I don't make it reddit, I love you guys",
      "How to overcome debt with depression? Imagine having everything you could ever dream of.  Imagine living in some of the most beautiful places around the globe. An education and social life many would envy. A beautiful wife and happy kids. In August of 2016 my best friend took his own life. \n\n&amp;#x200B;\n\nTo be honest, I never really understood depression much before this point. I heard about it all the time and just thought, unfortunately, what most people think, \"lazy\" \"sad\" \"just do it\" I dunno, those kinds of things. Since that day, I've never felt the same. I'm 25 years old now and am struggling reddit. I know a lot of people struggle out there, trying to keep their nose to the grind. I had a clean driving record for 6 years, the year of his death I got into 3 vehicle accidents. I felt like had melted inside, my brain couldn't process things like it use to. I lost my employment for a while due to this. Life without a car left me in a more challenging spot to find work, sunk me deeper into depression and now a decent chunk of debt to toss into my worries. I've since found decent employment that still leaves me with hardly anything just after the interest payments. The kicker to this is I was screwed out of a promotion yesterday.\n\n&amp;#x200B;\n\nI now understand what it's like to not want to get out of bed. Not because I'm lazy, because I mentally can't even choose to live. I've thought about notes and who I'd mail them to or leave them for. I cry myself to sleep everyday. I watch as my girlfriend thrives, wondering when she's gonna leave me.\n\n&amp;#x200B;\n\nMy Credit Card reads $16,000, I'm 4 months behind on my property tax, water bill due today and have $1.37 in my bank account. My doggo has food till payday, the lights are on and that's all that matters. \n\n&amp;#x200B;\n\nI'm a god damn mess reddit and I don't know what the heck to do. I've applied for hundreds of jobs, I've asked for raises and more responsibilities as well. I've cut back, starved, kept my dog fed and have tried my best every day to chip away at this problem but have only paid barely kept the interest paid. I feel like I've lost all ability to function properly, to increase or learn new skills, I truly feel like I'm unable to live.\n\n&amp;#x200B;\n\nWhere ever you are, who ever you are, keep your head up, smile. The world isn't fair, what they say is true, if you want something, don't wait for it to come, go out there and get it. Whatever obstacles you might face, keep fighting. \n\n&amp;#x200B;\n\nI've had an horrendous start to the year that is still going to be mine. If I don't make it reddit, I love you guys",
      "I just checked my credit score I literally don’t see the point in carrying on I’m so fuckin done \n\nIt’s shot to hell. I owe £9,000. I took out a loan a few years ago and all was well. Then I lost my dad and I quit my job and now I have like no income. I literally don’t even know where to start. I’m never gonna have that kind of money. I just don’t want to be alive anymore. I’m also engaged but no way I’ll be getting married in the next few years with all of this. I’m so tired. I can’t remember what it was like to not have all this looming over me. I just give up.  I miss my dad\n"
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 1474,
    "label": "The feature captures discussions regarding interpersonal betrayal, infidelity, and complex relationship dynamics.",
    "pearson_r": 0.504374939460682,
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    "top_texts": [
      "Coming from a compulsive cheater who has cheated in every relationship except this current one, I'd say your relationship is doomed. You may not get caught if you know how to hide it without seeming suspicious (I've only been caught cheating once, and done it a few dozen times), but the sole fact of you cheating shows that the man you're being with does not fulfill your needs. And you may say \"Oh no, we've been together for x years and he's the man of my life\", but no. Your subconscious disagrees. Subconsciously he isn't enough and you need something more, that's why you felt the need to drink and search for that extra fulfillment.\n\nThey say alcohol shows your true self, and that night your true self has had enough of the boredom that your man brings, and that's why you reached for the opportunity to fill that gap, both metaphorically and literally. My advice? If you've cheated on him once, that means you'll cheat on him again, I can almost guarantee you. So you better drop that relationship and go search for a man that you'd be completely satisfied with, one that checks every point in your criteria. And yes, such men exist. I've already found mine and am not planning on cheating on him any time soon.",
      "How to forgive? Sorry this is long, there's a lot to the story but I do hope you read it. I just need to hear from someone who understands what I'm going through.\n\nThis past October, my boyfriend cheated on me. Not physically, but he asked another girl out on a date while we were having some issues and he struggled to communicate with me what he was going through. I found text messages to this girl by going through his phone, intending to get some sense of what was going through his head because he never talked to me about his feelings (I know, that was wrong- consider it a lesson learned). When I saw it, it felt like my heart was ripped from my chest. The girl rejected him, but he still broke up with me revealing that he was unhappy and wanted to figure things out alone. I literally begged him to stay with me and work through things. He agreed, telling me he loved me, and I went home for a weekend (we went to the same college at the time). He ended up taking that same girl to his this formal dance his sports team throws every semester, that his brother and sister went as well.  When I found out, we broke up again because he completely lied to me.\n\nWe never really separated after that. We were living two houses down from one another at school and I found it impossible to stay away from him and he was seriously concerned about me, I was a complete wreck. I was on an infusion medication for my chronic illness that was already making me suicidal before everything happened and the breakup itself sent me into a BPD tailspin worse than I've ever experienced (my dr does not consider me a severe case either but it was really the worst few months of my life). I felt a lot better after ending the infusions I was on and left school, it was just kind of the perfect storm. I'm doing much better now.\n\nWe recently got back together officially, but I am struggling to forgive him. Even though he has apologized many times, I do not know how to move past this hurt. Little things still trigger me. I never expected it to happen and he completely caught me off guard. I transferred to a school closer to home and now we're in a long distance relationship, so we have developed much healthier boundaries than we had up at school. \n\nI have lost a lot of self confidence, and I felt like that girl was literally everything I am not. Pretty, skinny, social, smart. I was humiliated that his family was there and that I still begged him to stay when I should have walked away. I knew we were struggling, but he was always really adamant that we would work through it so I was blindsided. I have been working really hard to rely on myself and love myself again. I have lost a lot of trust in him that I do not know how to regain- but I want to. We've been together for 2 and a half years. We've been through a lot together, he was there for me when I almost died because of lupus complications. He understands me, he is my best friend. I do really love him, but I find myself constantly on guard and not fully able to let go of the past or feel comforted when he says he will not hurt me again.\n\n\nTLDR- bf cheated on me, after a lot of shit went down we got back together and I do believe he is remorseful but don't know how to let go of the past ",
      "Long term cuckold relationship? Just wondering if anyone here has been in a long term cuckold relationship with a BPD. Does it have any chances of working out. \n\nI was in a relationship with a BPD woman for over 6 years. I was her 6th bf with most of her previous boyfriend's lasting for about a year. We hit it off Well and I fell deeply in love with her. She cheated on me in the first month of our relationship and was apologetic and suicidal about it. So I shrugged it off. \n\nOver time I feel more in love with her and developed a deep sense of attachment with her. She cheated on me again after the 1st year and the same story transpired. She had started to lose interest in me and I kept trying to win her back. Back then I wasn't aware of the term bpd. I eventually agreed to let her see other guys sometimes if she would not develop feelings into them. She wanted me to stay monogamous which I agreed to. \n\nThough as we realized it was hard for her to not get emotionally attached to the other person. While she would go and meet guys on dates, she would invariably fall in love and out of it in the period of a year. I had gotten accustomed to it by then since the good times were so good.\n\nThe last 2 years of our relationship were lost distance since she moved to a different country and even though I was okay with cuckold , she cheated on me with my best friend for months who lived in the same city. I found about it much later though. She said she felt lonely and got herself a fwb but we would still talk everyday. One day out of the blue she dumped me and started a relationship with another guy who she said didn't like sharing. She cut off all contact with me and I still miss her. I felt quite hurt since I was willing to change myself to make it work and I did. I still keep thinking of what I could have done to make it work."
    ]
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  {
    "feature_id": 939,
    "label": "The feature represents experiences involving interactions with medical staff or psychiatric ward environments.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5556402503583275,
    "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778,
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      "now my uncle and two other nurses end up tackling a patient.",
      "now my uncle and two other nurses end up tackling a patient.",
      "Other patients at the ward I was hearing aliens in the television 6 months ago.  I would talk to them, listen to them, correspond with the TV.  I was hospitalized and there weren't any TV's there.  My delusions were reduced and the hallucinations gone.  I spent two weeks there and I can still remember what the other patients behaved like.  \n\n\nOne woman always complained.  She wanted nicotine lozenges all the time, and if she didn't get them she would pull her hair out.  The dandruff she had smelled so bad.  I remember walking past her and she smelled like rotten flesh.  She never showered and the amount of dead skin on her shoulders made me shutter.\n\nA man wore a gown that was too tight for his body.  He would rub himself constantly.  The nurses would tell him to stop but he never listened.  His arm pits had such a foul odor.  The coffee he drank would spill all over his chin and his gown would get soaked near the rim of his neck.  He would drink the coffee too soon.  He would shriek as the hot coffee burned his tongue.  He too crave nicotine lozenges all the time.  He groped a few of the young women too many times.  He eventually had to stay in the bedroom and lost privileges to the common area.  \n\n\nA young woman would talk to fast.  She was very scared of everyone.  The nurse kept the place cool and this young woman would complain every hour.  She tried bringing her blanket everywhere but the nurse would always tell her she had to keep blankets in the bedroom.  The blanket would be thrown at the nurse every time the nurse told her that.  Screaming and hollering foul words at the nurse was her thing.  She refused to eat all the time, and would sneak glares at this other man.  He would always tell her how pretty she was.  They fell in love and he would dry hump her in front of everyone.    \n\n\nThe nurse hated me.  My first night there I complained the light in the hallway was too bright.  The overnight watchman said I couldn't close the door to my bedroom because of my room mate's suicide attempt.  That night I wanted to change rooms, but the nurse wouldn't allow that to happen.  She was evil, and knew I wouldn't sleep well.  My room mate would eat paper all day long.  He was convinced if he ate enough paper he would die.  I gave him my napkins all the time.  He loved eating napkins."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 187,
    "label": "The feature represents the experience of social anxiety and self-consciousness regarding the mechanics of eye contact.",
    "pearson_r": 0.625888809483175,
    "pred_f1": 0.625,
    "freq": 0.0070801201706883025,
    "mean_pos": 4.376433849334717,
    "top_texts": [
      "“Ok... Need to make sure that they see that I have made eye contact with them and then make sure not to look too long… or not long enough… am I looking too long? Crap! I think I looked too long! Double crap! I think I didn’t look long enough!!”",
      "Yes!!   \nI tend to just avoid eye-contact in general, but then I'll glance at something I didn't mean to. Sometimes I'll glance at a part of someone's face, and then they'll touch that spot, as if they're wondering if something was there, and that's why I was looking. It's so awkward.",
      "I said \"I can do eye contact but it will be like this.\" and did the most disturbing gawking stare imaginable. lol They chuckled and said they understood."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3455,
    "label": "The feature represents physical injury and acute bodily trauma.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5058063165886258,
    "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666,
    "freq": 0.0071183910905298605,
    "mean_pos": 4.312017440795898,
    "top_texts": [
      "my ankle somehow blew up again ( i had a severe sprain in december as in my ankle literally did a 180 and somehow didn't break.",
      "i roll my ankle twice in three months?",
      "i roll my ankle twice in three months?"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 866,
    "label": "The feature identifies the clinical definition and conceptual distinction of intrusive thoughts.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6457124977520324,
    "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666,
    "freq": 0.006582598212748043,
    "mean_pos": 4.6312761306762695,
    "top_texts": [
      "not intrusive thoughts, intrusive thoughts are unwanted, uncontrollable thoughts of things that really bother you that you do not want to act on and would never do. These are more like impulsive thoughts or urges.",
      "Every definition of intrusive thoughts online say they are unwanted and distressing. Please literally Google it, like I just did, since you claimed I was biased. That's the literal definition.",
      "Hi I don’t know if I am posting it in right place but I don’t know where else I should ask.\n\nI am not diagnosed with anything.\n\n\nRecently I’ve been coming through a rough time and for few weeks from now I’ve been experiencing intrusive thoughts. Like “They don’t need you” “you even can’t do it. You’re useless” etc. plus from time to time I have an impulse to hit myself in the leg or in the wall or to thrust something in myself.  It’s does not occur often but it’s enough to warn me. \n\n\nHow do you guys prevent yourself from such things? What should I do?I am scared that it’ll get out of my control and bad things will happen. I don’t want to commit a suicide or hurt myself or anything but sometimes I have a feeling or thoughts that brings in the idea of suicide that I immediately deny. I don’t want them so much. It scares me. What should I do???\n"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2333,
    "label": "The feature detects descriptions of physical inflammation, swelling, and acute medical allergic reactions.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6439852496821027,
    "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666,
    "freq": 0.007060984710767523,
    "mean_pos": 4.200779438018799,
    "top_texts": [
      "the next morning my right ear lobe swelled to twice its size and my ankles hurt.",
      "the next morning my right ear lobe swelled to twice its size and my ankles hurt.",
      "they don't hurt, they don't itch, they're just there, swollen and flat, a little hot, and very red.they toss me in the er, and stick an iv of liquid benadryl in my arm, and i proceed to fall asleep from the inside out without actually sleeping."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3406,
    "label": "The feature represents the psychological construct of \"Favorite Person\" (FP) fixation, characterized by obsessive idealization and emotional dependency.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6934123562551471,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
    "freq": 0.00784553856751947,
    "mean_pos": 3.753100633621216,
    "top_texts": [
      "Obsessing over people... Tips? I can't stop obsessing over someone. Not even talking romantically, just in a general way. This has happened before in the past with certain friends, therapists, bosses, etc. I never even know what I want from them, but I want it desperately. Maybe I'm hoping they'll save me from myself? But, of course, logically I know I'm the only one who can \"save\" myself. It's like a powerful, iron-grip attraction to someone, but not in a sexual way (at least I don't think). It only happens with people of the same gender as me. It hurts and most people I know don't struggle with this. Just another thing to despise myself for. I can't stop thinking about them. Wanting to talk to them, to be near them. It's at the cost of other relationships, because other relationships don't seem as fulfilling and I struggle to allot mental space to them when I am in the middle of obsessing. I want this to change. I want to stop putting people on pedestals.\n\nIt's getting to the point where I just want to end the relationship I have with this person because I don't like what I become when this happens, and I especially don't like how it ends (in flames and humiliation). It would be fucking hard to end it, but maybe for the best? They're a genuinely good person, and nothing bad has happened between us (yet). It seems like there should be an easier way than cutting off a relationship entirely, though. I don't know. \n\nDoes this happen to anyone else? Has anything you've tried worked for you?",
      "I'm idealizing the shit out of my ex... He cheated on me and was bad to me but I'm idealizing the shit out of him. He was hot and smart and perfect and I don't think I will be able to be with anyone else. I just compare everyone to him... He went to college at 14, works out for 2 hours a day and is 6'2 and I don't think I will ever find anyone else so perfect. \n\nI don't know what to do, how to convince my brain he isn't perfect. ",
      "Obsessing I don't want much in this world of this one person asked me a question, anything once in a while it would make me so happy as I give out so much time and effort to them, but they never do. And it hurts. I've constantly obsessed about this person for about 3 years im not even kidding and I don't know if I can cope anymore. They have no idea as im always horrible to them so that they will never find out."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3849,
    "label": "The feature captures the temporal framing of current distress or life events within a specific, bounded timeframe (e.g., \"this week\").",
    "pearson_r": 0.5701030071479898,
    "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579,
    "freq": 0.007290610229816873,
    "mean_pos": 4.021695613861084,
    "top_texts": [
      "it is my birthday this week.",
      "it is my birthday this week.",
      "This has been a \"hard\" week for me \\~ Brad Willycocks"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 137,
    "label": "The feature represents the expression of positive affect and enjoyment.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5228793026016862,
    "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778,
    "freq": 0.0073862875294207694,
    "mean_pos": 3.8321681022644043,
    "top_texts": [
      "(it was so awesome!",
      "(it was so awesome!",
      "it was freaking awesome"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3340,
    "label": "The feature represents the somatic experience of pruritus or intense physical itching, often linked to stress, trauma, or dermatological conditions.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6318707371494617,
    "pred_f1": 0.625,
    "freq": 0.0067165464321934975,
    "mean_pos": 4.159140110015869,
    "top_texts": [
      "Could be Dyshidrotic eczema. It can be kind of tingly and itchy, and looks like little bubbles either deep in the skin or just under the surface. Its not related to latex allergy. Its usually a stress related autoimmune condition which comes and goes over years. You usually need higher strength prescription steroid cream to treat it i.e. the over the counter stuff isn't strong enough. I use Mometasone furoate steroid cream and lots of aqueous moisturiser.",
      "Two year anniversary and I'm physically itchy bc of it. How can I stop itching? Every autumn (especially October, the month I was assaulted in) I spend most of the time unable to sleep bc whenever I try my entire body feels like I'm covered in hives despite not a single bump. I've talked to my therapist and GP and it being a trauma/anxiety response not medical issue is the best guess for now. Does anyone have any suggestions to calm it down at all so I have have a tiny bit of peace?",
      "here's the problem; i itch so bad i want to rip off my skin."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4605,
    "label": "This feature represents the validation of external perspectives or the realization of personal truths through interpersonal feedback.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6880703970254166,
    "pred_f1": 0.8571428571428571,
    "freq": 0.007730725807994795,
    "mean_pos": 3.570070266723633,
    "top_texts": [
      "\" and she was right.",
      "\" and she was right.",
      "Thank you for saying this. I'm not OP, but I think I needed to hear this, too."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 4791,
    "label": "The feature detects the verbalization of speech or vocalized utterances.",
    "pearson_r": 0.50579445936031,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
    "freq": 0.007462829369103886,
    "mean_pos": 3.663769006729126,
    "top_texts": [
      "i called out, \"mum?",
      "i called out, \"mum?",
      "\" \"look... out your window."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 886,
    "label": "The feature represents the intersection of somatic symptoms, specifically urinary distress, and their perceived psychological or anxiety-related origins.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5203657382550587,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
    "freq": 0.006046805334966226,
    "mean_pos": 4.432371616363525,
    "top_texts": [
      "This may be a ridiculous question, but I feel like I go to pee way to many times more than average and It's starting to make me insane. I wanted to get this out of my mind. I think it may be a psychological problem, like an anxiety \"symptom\". Because when I'm at home for an entire day, it's fine. But when I'm in school or in any other public place I get that thought: \"What if I suddenly have to go while I'm doing an exam?\"",
      "Unfortunately there's no uro gyno out here. :(\nI'm unsure if the pain is from my bladder to be very honest. None of the urologists want to do a cystoscopy they're refusing me saying you've no symptoms even though this heavyness started from the day I had to pee every 10 mins. The frequency is long gone but the discomfort and heavyness remains. I don't know what to do or what steps I can take to relieve me of this pain.",
      "It's horrible. The thing is, my urologist told me that it was just an overactive bladder and gave me some medicine, but it just worked a couple of days when I was \"totally positive\" about the medicine. Even, after taking the pills I felt great, like in a normal state, but the symptoms are here again. Is it possible that the cause could be my sometimes uncontrollable anxiety? Have someone had the same problem?"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3277,
    "label": "The feature represents sensory grounding through the perception of gentle, calming environmental stimuli.",
    "pearson_r": 0.6376827257808391,
    "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714,
    "freq": 0.006295566313936355,
    "mean_pos": 4.142274856567383,
    "top_texts": [
      "the soft cool wind feels like silk against my skin, as the sun's heat makes it glow.",
      "the soft cool wind feels like silk against my skin, as the sun's heat makes it glow.",
      "the breeze that occasionally crept through ajar door cooled the sweat beading on the back of my neck and brought the sounds of the waves growing larger."
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 2019,
    "label": "The feature captures the critical analysis and rejection of external narratives, societal expectations, or unsolicited advice regarding personal trauma and identity.",
    "pearson_r": 0.5935342580598186,
    "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333,
    "freq": 0.006984442871084406,
    "mean_pos": 3.70613694190979,
    "top_texts": [
      "Yeah. I think relaxing time is not only okay, it's necessary. I don't necessarily feel guilty for taking down time, but I definitely do feel vulnerable in a weird way. I overload myself with responsibilities as a way to avoid people. Having something to do feels like an out. That's not the same as what you're talking about, exactly, but I think it's a little similar.\n\nRelaxing is a good skill to have, though. I have to keep practicing letting go of the mental nag against it, too. It really is okay to relax and get into something minor. Or even just be tired and not feeling it sometimes.",
      "\"It made you stronger\" The most annoying thing someone can say about trauma is that \"it made you who you are today\" or \"it made you stronger/better\". Well, maybe. But am I really stronger now after being traumatized repeatedly than I was before anything ever happened? No. It took the person I was then to deal with the trauma, and it takes the person I am now to handle the shockwaves. Now, when I experience something that even *reminds me* of my trauma, I am transported right back into those moments. \n\nHow in the hell does that make me stronger? \"Oh well, if you can get over that, THEN you'll be stronger. Then you'll be better.\" Ok but again, that just means that I am NOT stronger for what happened. That, not only did I have to experience that trauma, but now, unless I can clean up the mess it made, I will remain broken and weakend forever. That is not strength. That is a hostage situation.\n\n\nI wasn't weaker before this happened. This didn't magically make me \"stronger\" or \"better\". All it did was change my perspective and saddle me with an experience I never imagined, and no one could ever prepare for.",
      "In patriarchal societies, traditional gender roles often emphasize male dominance and control. This can normalize or romanticize aggressive behaviors in men, leading to an environment where violence is seen as a form of masculinity or power. \nThis normalization can affect how women perceive and respond to aggression in relationships. Women raised in patriarchal societies may internalize norms that associate aggression with strength or masculinity. \nThis socialization might influence some women to accept or seek out aggressive partners, believing that such behavior signifies strength or commitment. "
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3081,
    "label": "The feature identifies the subjective experience, management, and validation of panic attacks.",
    "pearson_r": 0.533152856602998,
    "pred_f1": 0.625,
    "freq": 0.0066782755123519395,
    "mean_pos": 3.8255982398986816,
    "top_texts": [
      "Well, you just explained perfectly how I experience myself. I just need to see if I experience the same as you regarding the unexplainable anxiety/panic attacks: Everybody I've talked to have said anxiety/panic attacks doesn't make any sense for me to have, as I'm far from a worried or stressed person. Every panic attack I've had, I've \"seen\" from the outside of myself. My body reacts, goes into severe panic mode, but my brain is perfectly still and I observe the whole thing. I've never once had a million thoughts racing in 900 km/h. Do you recognize this, or is it different for you?",
      "The only thing I can say is that being open about it helps because it takes it out of your head. Leaving it in makes your head a pressure cooker. For me the best way to deal with a panic attack is to say stuff out loud about how I feel and let people around me reassure me. It's hard cause I don't want to burden them with it but they seem to love me and care about me a great deal and then sharing your feelings is normal. In fact they say that they want to help me and are glad when I speak out so they know what they can help me with...go figure",
      "Grounding technique (Kitty Cries) Cry like a kitty \n\nI know, I know ha ha ha, not funny, but stay with me on this. Go to a safe place with decreased sensory input. \n\n1. Meow like a kitty, softly in your whisper voice.\n\n2. Now meow like a cat, in your normal voice \n(Might take a few tries to get your actual voice depending on your level of panic)\n\n3. Next Meow as loud as you can. \n\n(Let me see that smile. After this I can think a little clearer, collect my thoughts and emotions, so I can be understood.) \n\n4. Lastly, Roar like a wild cat! \n\n(Did you get your voice back?) \n\nNo matter how many times I’ve seen this done, no matter the person, it always changes a negative outlook. \n\nYou can use any animal you want but I love the soft kitten voice. It usually gets a lot of smiles. \n\nHumans having panic attacks usually laugh at their adorable kitten voice. This seems to open the portal to escape fear. Simple laughter! I can usually talk in my normal voice, get any direct needs met. But it’s not over yet. Just any trigger can put you back into what you just overcame. \n\nI have to roar to unlock empowerment, ultimately controlling my panic. \n\nDefeating fear one Meow at a time!"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 1498,
    "label": "The feature represents the patient-psychiatrist relationship and the challenges of navigating professional mental health care.",
    "pearson_r": 0.702633594046104,
    "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778,
    "freq": 0.007060984710767523,
    "mean_pos": 3.5741095542907715,
    "top_texts": [
      "Having hard time to explaining what's going on to my psychiatrist I fucking have so much things to say to my psychiatrist but I just can't. I'm splitting when I entered psychiatrist's room. My problems suddenly seems unimportant to me or I only say a few things. I want to make everything clear but I can't. But I'm living these fucking feelings everyday, and I'm just getting sick of it, I'm not sure if I can cope with it anymore. I only can list all my problems when I feel bad. One time I wrote everything on a paper, and after 4-5 hours, I thought that I was just exaggerating my problems so I tear it off. Then, guess what? I felt the needing of fucking rewrite the same things the next day. \n\nAlso her time is limited and I have much to say. I'm thinking that I'll take my psychiatrist's time too much if I start to read my problems. But these fucking things are not the type to be shortened. All advices are welcome.",
      "i'm on my third psychiatrist and still thinking about switching? i've been through 3 psychiatrists since i was 16, and i'm 20 now. my first one was a complete flop, extremely undermining and one of our first sessions he laughed and said \"how were you in an abusive relationship at 13?\" so yeah. big no no. my next one was a lady practicing, and over a 2 year span tried me on over 30-40 different kinds of anti depressants (not even over exaggerating) , and probably 6 different anti-psychotics, which i felt i had to speak up about to my therapist because it was so weird and unhealthy. also she never wanted to give me strong anxiety meds with the fear i would \"sell them to friends\" or abuse them, when i have never had pill-related drug issues and she knew that. my therapist and i finally figured out she was probably rubbed the wrong way by my overuse of eyeliner and thought i was an addict. so i switched to a guy in the same office as my mom, and even thought i've been diagnosed with BPD for 2 years now, he STILL says \"i think its just bipolar depression\" and has changed my meds only 3 times over a year span. its just like my men psychiatrists think i'm just an edgy teenage girl misdiagnosed with bpd, and the one woman psych thought i was lying about drugs and also thought i was misdiagnosed because of my \"looks\" and the fact i was a teenager. \n\ni'm in a very big city so i'm sure finding another one wouldn't be a problem, but i'm worried i'll be turned into another BPD poster girl who all psychiatrists turn away since i'll be considered \"flakey\" but because of trauma its also really hard to speak my mind to them when i only get 5-10 minutes :( should i try to look for another one??? i'm so tired of no one taking me seriously because i'm so young and i smile at them that i must be in a good mood. anybody else had problems with switching doctors so much? i dont even think it's me \"splitting\" i just really can't get properly medicated or taken seriously ",
      "Should I find a new psychiatrist? I'm in a tough spot right now. I have been seeing my psychiatrist for over a year. I got a letter that they are moving locations and when I did a search on her name it showed that she works in another state now. So I emailed her and asked about where the new location is and also asked her if she still works there. I have not heard back from her and it has been a few week days. I'm starting to think now that she doesn't work there anymore. \n\nI have been pretty miserable the past year and gained a lot of weight. So I'm wondering if I should just find a different psychiatrist? I need someone I can trust and don't want to go to my appointment only to be hooked up with a different psychiatrist. I would rather find a psychiatrist I feel comfortable with. What would you do if you were  in my situation?"
    ]
  },
  {
    "feature_id": 3137,
    "label": "The feature detects expressions of acute fear, alarm, or being startled.",
    "pearson_r": 0.8218598169342933,
    "pred_f1": 0.8888888888888888,
    "freq": 0.00618075355441168,
    "mean_pos": 3.8455088138580322,
    "top_texts": [
      "really freaked me out.",
      "really freaked me out.",
      "this, too, scared the hell outta me."
    ]
  }
]