[ { "feature_id": 7762, "label": "The theme is the personal experience of managing, questioning, or evaluating the efficacy of psychiatric medication.", "pearson_r": 0.8565199559711354, "pred_f1": 0.8888888888888888, "freq": 0.1420383469420247, "mean_pos": 8.307209968566895, "top_texts": [ "**If you're on medication, and you feel fine and like you don't need meds, that means the meds are working. Do not stop taking them.**", "Feeling sad and medication Hello everyone, I am taking rilatine (4x 10mg a day) for over 6 months now. \n\nIn those months it really did help me with doing normal tasks, like reading without getting distracted, I got good grades again, ...\n\nBut lately something rather sad happened in my life, and I have tried a lot of things to forget it, none of those things worked, and I stopped taking my medication. \n\nI recently started taking it again and whenever I do so I can finally focus on different things, and get the euforic feeling you get when you first start taking meds. \n\nThe problem I am facing now is that I am chasing the feeling (and not the functionality of the med, the reason I started taking it), and upping my dose to keep that feeling. \n\nIs there anyone who has experienced the same situation? If yes, how did you handle it?\n\nThank you in advance. ", "List the weird effects your meds have on you I take vyvance (I probably spelt it wrong). And when I take my meds it activates a chain of events, for the first 4-6 hours I spend obsessing over the thing I was doing when my meds first kicked in, than I have a 1-2 hour period where everything bores me and I sit at my computer doing absolutely nothing, than, finally my meds wear off and if I happen to be excited about something I will turn into a mumbling mad man." ] }, { "feature_id": 3338, "label": "The feature represents a state of profound existential loneliness and a pervasive sense of personal inadequacy or worthlessness.", "pearson_r": 0.5974379912529252, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.21682170718948302, "mean_pos": 5.385416030883789, "top_texts": [ "Long Vent I dont know whether this belongs here, I haven't been diagnosed or anything, but I was randomly led here on a googling whim, so w/e\n\nI'm 18M, and I just constantly feel like I'm doing everything wrong, and that everyone else is better than me. \nI've always been very introverted, and would prefer to spend time alone on youtube, rather than going out to clubs etc, but I've started to realise more and more that it is just a distraction from whats really going on inside my head. Things that I enjoy (games, programming etc) are just distractions from thinking. If I stop to think, then I'll usually end up crying in bed. I think I have some sort of dissociative identity disorder, or something of that ilk, and if I stop, I can't help but start spiralling down into \"what is real\" sort of thoughts. Even writing this out, I can feel them starting to come on.\n\nI feel like everything was going decently until the end of (British) college, as I had a close friend that would always be around if I wanted a hug, or just to talk shit, but I've moved away from her, and ever since I've never been able to hold on to friends. I always feel like I'm annoying them, and that if I open up to them, they will inevitably stop talking to me, so I'm always too scared too, because if they are close enough that I would consider opening up, they are close enough that I want to keep being friends with them.\n\nI feel that I am undeserving of proper relationships, that that literally every guy on the planet would be better than me, and if I see a pretty girl, then she will inevitably already be taken, by a more deserving guy that also thinks she is pretty. \n\nI constantly feel like I just want to stop existing. I dont want to die, I'm too much of a pussy to kill myself, but I feel like Im a complete waste of the limited amount of humans there will ever be. I sleep to get away from people, and in my dreams I end up doing the impossible, like talking normally to strangers, or the most recent one I can remember, where I rescued a girl from the side of the road in pouring rain, and carried her in my arms, and ended up hugging her in some shelter.\n\nI'm also pissed at the world in general, how life is just \"learn to make money for other people, make money for other people, die\", and the fact that instead of ending disagreements with diplomatic discussion, we try to end them with an \"I've got a bigger one that you\" fight.\n\nI am really sorry if this doesnt belong here, or I'm being insensitive, and I am happy to take it down, or edit as necessary", "Woken up feeling the lowest I’ve felt in a long time. I’ve woken up to the realisation that I’m a lot lonelier than I thought. I have hardly any friends, the friends I do have are busy with their own lives a lot of the time and I’m just a bummer to be around recently. I’ve got no job. No purpose. My relationship is horrible, it’s barely even a relationship, I’m trying to make things work with someone that barely even tries or cares and I’m sure is only staying with me because it’s comfortable for her to have me around because I’m always complimenting her and asking how she is, but she barely reciprocates. We’ve been together on and off for 4 years and we’re doing a long distance thing right now because she kicked me out and I had to move back home to a different country and live with my mum again while I sort my life out. Only for her to turn around and say she actually wants to try but she’s also wants to focus 99% of her time on herself. I feel like I’m being used, but I love her and feel like I would regret it if I gave up on us.\n\nI just don’t know what to do. I feel like a waste of space right now. Like I’ve lost so much of the things I want. Nothing is going right for me, my life is falling apart. I feel like such a loser, 30 years old, living back with my mum, no job, lost most of my friends, a shit one sided relationship that makes me feel so unwanted and just used. \n\nI don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to be happy anymore. I think I’m just having a bad day, but damn I feel like total shit right now and I’m struggling to do anything.", "I can't do it I just can't do it anymore. I don't know why I feel this way, I've gone for therapy, taken meds but nothing has helped. \n\nToday I'm at my lowest point in years and I don't care if anyone reads this or not, I don't care to create a throwaway because no one except my mom will care if I'm gone. I'm probably alive because I know what it will do to her, she will probably end up doing the same.\n\nSome people have rough childhoods, have lost someone or have a reason or another to feel this way. I don't. I was born into a stable family, never had any issues at home, have a decent job and I'm better off than many people. I don't know why I feel this way, but what I know is I'll never stop feeling this way. I want to stop feeling like this, feeling useless, feeling like no one loves me for who I am. I keep taking on a lot of things at work so people would like me. It has just ended up making me look like a slacker because I don't end up doing the things I'm supposed to. I don't feel like going to work every single morning.\n\nI've tried talking to people about feeling low, and they try to tell me everything that's good in my life and it just makes me feel worse because I'm supposed to be happy right? I don't think I'm good enough for my job, for my friends, for my parents, for anyone. When people talk about losers, they're talking about people like me who in spite of having all ingredients to be successful just can't make it in life. \n\n\nI despise myself for feeling this way despite of everything around me. I feel so entitled just writing this, only if I could end it all, I'll probably be the loser anyway who couldn't handle simple shit. Simple things take me too much effort - taking a shower, shaving my beard, not sleeping in my work clothes, not washing my sheets, not being a total loser.\n\nI don't deserve what I have, anyone who has an average drive would have made so much more of the life I've been offered. I deserve to be stuck in the lowest rungs of society, being homeless and pretty much doing nothing but begging all day. I don't deserve anyone. \n\nI don't want to die but I can't live like this anymore. I cannot get my shit together, I can sleep for 20 hours at a stretch and would only wake up because I have to pee. I'm so done, but I will still get up tomorrow morning and drag my ass to work, because I have that meeting scheduled, that overseas phone call, I have to do that video shoot, and after that I have to hang out with people who pretend to give a shit about me but in fact couldn't care less if I got fired, or died. \n\nI hate the person I've become, I cannot stop working even when I'm home. I'm covering for someone on maternity leave and I've fucked up so many things by just not giving a shit, business has suffered and I've covered it up by lying. My boss believes so much in me but I don't see what she sees, I fuck up and miss deadlines on the regular. Anyone with half a decent brain can do the job I do, what do they see in me? \n\n\nI guess I've just been lucky with everything I have and it couldn't have happened to a worse person." ] }, { "feature_id": 1541, "label": "The feature captures casual, supportive, or dismissive conversational commentary rather than direct expressions of personal crisis.", "pearson_r": 0.5344150471573776, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.22057452180044124, "mean_pos": 5.141666889190674, "top_texts": [ "don’t sweat it :) just toss it i promise you’re good!", "*This message was brought to you by a bottle of whisky*", "This sounds like a card from a Sweet Ass Affirmations deck lmao" ] }, { "feature_id": 4970, "label": "The theme is the navigation of interpersonal relationships and daily life management specifically through the lens of an ADHD diagnosis.", "pearson_r": 0.8466313423754979, "pred_f1": 0.9090909090909091, "freq": 0.09661791798394251, "mean_pos": 10.897956848144531, "top_texts": [ "'Ideal' partner for someone with ADHD? With social distancing measures in place, I've found myself with a lot more time to spend on introspection. I've been reflecting on what would be the best partner for someone with ADHD - someone who also has ADHD, someone who doesn't and who we can be influenced by?\n\nI (31F) was diagnosed approximately two years ago, which made SO much sense - although I have a very successful career (litigation attorney) and did well in school, I always noticed that it required so much effort for me to concentrate, avoid distractions, complete/follow through on tasks, and get organized. I harboured a lot of feelings of guilt, laziness and inadequacy. I was working all the time to get my work tasks done and felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. I consumed a lot of caffeine products to help my concentration, but then suffered from lack of motivation, discouragement, and at times turned to alcohol for consolation.\n\nSince my diagnosis I've been taking medication and working with a cognitive behavioural therapist to develop tools to make my life easier. We also have many discussions regarding self-acceptance and how to show more compassion toward myself - I keep wanting to \"fix\" myself rather than just accepting who I am - the good and the bad sides! \n\nI haven't been in a relationship since my diagnosis. When my last boyfriend and I broke up, he commented that he found it frustrating that I seemed to never get to certain tasks - 'I don't get it, you just have to DO IT.' I didn't know how to explain at the time that this was much more difficult for me than it was for him. He was a disciplined and simple-minded person - for him, you have to-do list and you get through it. It was as simple as that.\n\nI do feel like my high-functioning ADHD contributes to making me a unique person - although I have the typical issues that come with ADHD, my brain is also spectacular for certain things. I am able to analyze large and complex amounts of information and come up with creative and practical solutions very very quickly (although there needs to be an 'urgency' that obliges me to hyperfocus and get it done). I am at the same time a very rational, analytical, structured business person, but can also be passionate, intense, emotional. These contradictory qualities seem to make it easy for people to like me and get attached - despite being very talented professionally, I'm open about my flaws and struggles. I also have a natural talent for public speaking and negotiating, and am good around people. This has allowed me to progress in my career at a very fast pace. \n\nIn relationships or when I like someone, I tend to hyperfocus on them. I want to know everything about them and contribute to their happiness. I take initiative and come up with crazy fun ideas, which they find extremely attractive. But my brain can also be all over the place...\n\nConsidering this, I've been reflecting on what the 'ideal' partner would be for me - obviously I will be very open about my diagnosis and promote dialogue and understanding. \n\nBut what kind of partner would help make my life easier? And what kind of person would 'choose' someone with ADHD and be able to appreciate them for who they are? In your experience - have you typically been able to find more common ground with someone who also has ADHD? Or, would being around someone that is more organized and disciplined be a positive influence? Would we be 'balancing out' the other person (if that makes sense)? \n\nI know that everyone is different and that there isn't going to be a general guideline, but would be curious to hear your thoughts and experiences!! Cheers.", "Any good videos on what it’s like to have ADHD to show friends/family? Does anyone have any go-to videos to show people who might not get what it’s like to have ADHD? Not just a description of symptoms, but more of a personal or creative explanation. \n\nThanks!", "Fitness and Weight Loss with ADHD Hi, I’m 37, a new dad and really need to lose 40#’s. I’m undiagnosed and un-medicated but have known for most of my life that I am ADHD. Ive learned to cope with it for most parts of my life but almost every time I try to start a new weight loss plan I fail miserably. 8 years ago my wife and I joined a running club and I lost 20lbs over 6 months and was in the best shape of my life. After 8ish months in I got laid off from my job after 8 years. This completely reversed my routine and I quickly gained half of it back and then over the years I’ve gained it all back plus another 15. I’ve tried a few times in the last year to restart but it’s gotten so much more difficult to find time with the added responsibilities of parenting. I tried recently to just diet (basically just kicking sugar and trying to eat salads for lunch) but again failed after a few weeks. Anyone have any tips or tricks for starting new routines or keeping with a program and not getting derailed? I know that for exercise I just need to to schedule it and make it happen but finding the time to schedule it in seems impossible." ] }, { "feature_id": 2584, "label": "The feature represents a request for or a recommendation of professional mental health resources and support services.", "pearson_r": 0.3668853202545289, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.22121136306775535, "mean_pos": 4.714106559753418, "top_texts": [ "can anyone recommend any good places where I can talk to someone about depression? can anyone recommend any good places where I can talk to someone about depression? ideally i can just chat through text and dont have to call them up, i really need to get some stuff off my chest, posting here cause i dont really have an alternative and cant seem to find one on google sorry if its misplaced ill delete if it gets downvoted", "I would recommend reaching out to a mental health professional. You may be able to see someone free at your school.", "question Is there any way of getting medical treatment or anything in that direction without your parents knowing? I dont know what I am supposed to do otherwise." ] }, { "feature_id": 6054, "label": "The feature represents the active ideation of suicide and the solicitation of methods to end one's life.", "pearson_r": 0.7145861596514576, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.13380489912889212, "mean_pos": 6.602657318115234, "top_texts": [ "How? How do I tell my mother that i want to kill myself? I want help but I just don’t know what to tell her. \nAbout a year ago i was in hospital for trying to kill myself. It never went away. Even if I didn’t cut anymore the thought of killing myself was in my mind all the time. \nIt still is. \nI just want to be happy. \nI don’t want to go but I know i will feel better if I left.\nHow do i tell her? ", "I want to kill myself and think I’m close to acting on it I hate myself and just want to kill myself idk what to really say... took all the pain pills already and can’t find any fuckin poison around my house... can’t go the carbon route because i feel my familly would catch me before I get to finish so I’d have to wait and I don’t want to do that damn it ... idk anything right now", "I don't want to kill myself, I just wamt to die Holy shit I would love if I was walking down the street and some semi truck just swerved onto me.\n\nI'm just too scared to kill myself, and thinking of what my family members and friends woild do makes me cry.\n\nBut yeah, I would just love if I just got shot on my front porch.\n\n" ] }, { "feature_id": 7932, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of persistent, inexplicable emotional distress and a sense of internal confusion regarding one's own mental state.", "pearson_r": 0.4680329164698261, "pred_f1": 0.631578947368421, "freq": 0.19412286487592967, "mean_pos": 4.474535942077637, "top_texts": [ "I feel broken Hi, I feel broken I feel left behind and alone in life. I just keep failing at everything I try to do and at this point I don’t know what to do anymore.", "Helpless I feel so helpless all the time. Like I basically feel like I'm just existing. Barely making it day to day. And I'm sure people are tired of hearing about it. I'm tired of talking about it.", "What am I feeling? Every time I reach home after a fun day with my friends, I always feel empty and sad.. My heart feels not at ease. I feel like something is taking away my happiness and joy away whenever I’m alone. I don’t know what triggered me to feel this way... Why? :( " ] }, { "feature_id": 1944, "label": "The feature represents the emotional distress and interpersonal conflict associated with romantic heartbreak, unrequited love, or relationship dissolution.", "pearson_r": 0.7167373121178635, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.14435826870152615, "mean_pos": 5.733481407165527, "top_texts": [ "Did I do the right thing? I feel so depressed and hurt. Hi everyone, I feel extremely broken and betrayed. I had an online relationship with this girl (lets call her T) for 10 months who lives in the US (I'm from Canada), we had to plans to be together, because I would be attending an optometry school which is close to her. We were friends for over two years, T helped me through my depression and anxiety, I was suicidal at one point and T helped me through it and I credit her for saving my life. Me and her clicked in every way, I truly thought she was the one for me. We helped each other through everything. The plans to go to that school fell through because I didn't receive a high enough grade in one of the prerequisites, luckily I had another school as my backup just in case something happened.\n\nSo me and T decided that we would just be friends. During the beginning of our relationship there was this guy who would make thirsty/pervy comments on her instagram posts and always try and flirt with her. I told her that I was uncomfortable and that it made me anxious. I felt like it was a threat to our relationship. She ended up blocking him to make me feel better. We ended our relationship about a month ago, and I still had not moved on and couldn't even think about dating anyone else just yet. She told me she felt the same way.\n\nHowever last night I completely broke down and told I was still in love with T, and I started asking her if she was already moving onto other guys and she told me that she had started a \"thing\" with the same guy who used to leave those comments. This felt like such a disrespect to our relationship. I felt so betrayed, she knew how much he made me uncomfortable. I told her that the only way I would feel comfortable being friends with her is if she stopped talking to him and she would have to pick between me and him. She told me that she couldn't pick, and me asking that of her was unfair and I told her that I can't be friends with her anymore knowing shes with him, it would be horrible for my mental health. She then called me crying on the phone saying she still loves me and that she can't believe I'm doing this to her. The worst part was earlier on the same day this other girl i know in real life asked me out and I told T that if I dated this girl I would feel like I'm betraying T, and I asked T if she would feel the same way if a guy asked her out and she said yes.\n\nI've blocked her on every app, except her phone number and told her if she ever feels suicidal or absolute needs a shoulder to cry on she can contact me but otherwise I don't want her talking to me. Getting over her was already hard enough, this has made it so difficult. It's only been a day and I already want to unblock her and talk to her, but I won't because I don't deserve this kind of treatment. I just don't know how to get through this, I still think about her constantly. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.", "How did you ignore your ex-boyfriend/gf after you broke up? My beautiful boyfriend of 5 years has recently broken up with me, but we still live together. He's moving overseas indefinitely in 4 months time. \n\nHe's looking for a room to move out and I find that I'm doing everything I can to convince him to stay with me for the next 4 months - I can't help but desperately cling onto him. Today I found a message he sent to a girl asking about a free room in her sharehouse, but she was super attractive and single. I have kept my cool but man did I cry and cry and cry in my sleep last night, I don't think it's fair.\n\nWhat are your tips for setting boundaries or ignoring your ex-SO when they want nothing to do with you?", "So, i met this guy, and he's a total dream of mine. We have the same interests, same sense of humor, we just click. But then afterwards i found out he has a girlfriend. My heart is broken. Idk what to do, i don't want to let him go, and i think we could be friend. But at the same time it felt wrong to keep communicating with him because he has a girlfriend. What do you guys think i should do? Thanks in advance\nhttps://reddit.com/r/BorderlinePDisorder/comments/s96kow/my_fp_has_a_girlfriend_what_should_i_do/" ] }, { "feature_id": 1363, "label": "The feature represents the clinical discussion and diagnostic criteria of psychotic disorders, specifically schizophrenia and its associated symptoms.", "pearson_r": 0.6439664940827364, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.12138649441626674, "mean_pos": 6.676190376281738, "top_texts": [ "It's rare but possible to have extended psychosis without having schizophrenia. Schizophrenia requires two or more distinct symptoms for six months or more. One of these symptoms must be disorganized thinking, delusions, or hallucinations. The other two are disorganized behavior and negative symptoms.\n\nJust ask if you have schizophrenia at your next visit. If you have two symptoms and at least one is psychotic then that is enough.", "Anyone else have just one episode? So almost 3 years ago I had a psychotic episode that lasted a few months. I was delusional, but after the first week on meds I could sort of accept that I was ill. I was hospitalized for 3 days. I had delusions about being monitored by the government but didn’t talk about it, I knew enough to pretend not to have these thoughts.\n\nI was on risperidone then Abilify for two years then slowly weaned off 7 months ago to the horror of my psychiatrist. I have plenty of problems, bouts of depression, eating disorders, personality disorders that result in having no friends. I’m an alcoholic, sober for almost 1 year. At 26 I live at home and have a part time job, taking some college classes on the side. My parents are convinced I’m going to have another episode at any moment because my medical record shows schizophrenia spectrum disorder. I was on Adderall and high dose Prozac when I had my episode and think that had something to do with it. Despite my many issues I have not had delusions or paranoia since the first episode. I would take the meds again if symptoms returned but not if I don’t absolutely need them. I am taking an antidepressant and mood stabilizer so it’s not like I refuse everything.\n\nAnyone else have a single psychotic episode, or have them spaced apart by years while unmedicated?", "Has anyone experienced/Got psychotic depression? What is life like for you? I hear voices and delusions are a lot less common in psychotic depression and it’s mainly Paranoia, guilt, and lack of self esteem delusions, and than the concentration issues like memory loss etc, I’m just looking for experiences because my doctor believes I got schizophrenia but I don’t believe him as literally everything I read online and all my experiences have meaning to them where as schizophrenia it’s more you just get symptoms for no reason, I’m not looking for people to tell me talk to your doctor because I’m obviously going to I’m just looking for loved experiences" ] }, { "feature_id": 9578, "label": "The feature represents the theme of parental dynamics and childhood family trauma.", "pearson_r": 0.6804756556368303, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.11515454772897855, "mean_pos": 6.3624958992004395, "top_texts": [ "Your parents sound like problem parents. They sound controlling and intrusive. I had a mum like this. Nothing will meet their expectations. Please start working with your T on what you want, not what they expect.", "I relate with my dad but my mom was always there, she even worked at my school until 6th grade. My mom joined in with my bullies. My dad’s only flaw as a parent is staying with my mother", "Sorry to hear about your abusive parents. I was closer to my mom, while my dad hit and yelled at me. I only hid my report cards from him. From what my mom told me, he was terrible in school.\n\nI graduated from college years ago and have decent paying job, but he has no idea what I do." ] }, { "feature_id": 10147, "label": "The feature identifies discussions specifically centered on Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).", "pearson_r": 0.7460679822343683, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.07971888006914277, "mean_pos": 9.039655685424805, "top_texts": [ "Is it healthy for a BPD person to be friends with another BPD? I don't want to tell the details.", "Advise needed for BPD friendship. Hello everyone! I have a friend that has BPD. We know each other since high school and we have been friends for years. During these years our friendship was/is unstable. There were times we were not speaking to each other and times were we were hanging out together. We never had any big arguments and I enjoy our time together. \n\nI am a person who enjoys solitude and to spend time by myself. I also tend to distance people and avoid social interactions when I am stressed. My friend needs a frequent and stable relationship with people because otherwise they feel abandoned. I understand this is a symptom of BPD and we have discussed it frequently.\n\nToday they told me that they thought best if we stopped communicating and that they feel that our relationship is not working out. They said that this is not what they want but they believe it is better this way because none of us will get hurt and asked me if I could think of a better solution.\n\nI really enjoy the company of my friend and I would like to continue our friendship. I am also willing to try to be more social with them. However I do not know whether this is going to be good for them. I understand that they feel abandoned by me and this feeling is very painful to them. But I also know that pushing people away and needing validation is also a symptom of BPD. \n\nMy question is: Would it be best for them for me to try and continue our friendship (to validate them) or for us to end it?\n\nThank you for your time reading this!", "Do I have bpd? How can I be sure if I have bpd?" ] }, { "feature_id": 5930, "label": "This feature represents advice on navigating the therapeutic relationship and managing interpersonal dynamics with a therapist.", "pearson_r": 0.5130641909111572, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.1602110673914527, "mean_pos": 4.490130424499512, "top_texts": [ "I sort of think this is abusing the trust in your therapy relationship. Your T is continuing to be present, hold the time slot for you (as opposed to potential other clients), and invest in doing the work with you. But you are not giving them the same respect, and by extension, you are not respecting yourself. Do you have a history of hiding your substance use from other people in your life? If so, you are merely repeating this with your T. Unfortunately, one of the costs of substance use *is* relationships with significant others (including Ts). Sometimes, the loss of such relationships is what motivates people to change. Sometimes, the substances are an *unconscious* way of avoiding the responsibilities of maintaining close and lasting relationships. I encourage you to be responsible and tell your T, even if termination ensues. It will be a big life lesson that when it comes to drugs and alcohol, you can't have your cake and eat it too. It will also mean you have grown as a person, willing to accept responsibility and consequences. Because at present you are rationalising (\"accidentally\" used before session etc.) and sound like you are looking for someone to ease your guilty conscience.", "Yeah I get where you’re coming from. I do think it is important for her to come to understand this from your point of view. You feel like a boundary was crossed because she forced you to share something that was private. I think you should explain why you are mad and let her know this is a non negotiable for you, her behavior hurt you and in the future if something like this comes up again, she needs to respect your privacy and handle it very differently.", "I can see why you might have found it infantalising or even creepy coming from an older male therapist. However, my interpretation would be that he meant it as a throw away comment. I don't think it's a red flag or anything. I would go back and tell.him about it. I wonder if some transference was triggered- have males patronised or infantalised you? If so you could have a sensitive spot for that kind of comment based on past experiences." ] }, { "feature_id": 6474, "label": "The feature identifies the conceptualization and subjective experience of trauma.", "pearson_r": 0.7358135420250507, "pred_f1": 0.8181818181818182, "freq": 0.13394136511474514, "mean_pos": 5.207235336303711, "top_texts": [ "I think you've got this the wrong way around. As PP said, trauma isn't **what** happened to you, it's what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you. So the fact you haven't left your house in a year would suggest that your trauma is pretty severe. Note that I don't even know what your specific \"event/s\" are or were, because in a way that's irrelevant. What matters is how it has affected you, and it sounds like the effect has been pretty big for you.", "Not getting over it. Long time lurker here - I've been wanting to get this off of my chest for a while.\n\nI'll try to make this short and sweet - sometimes I feel bad for not wanting to get over my trauma. As fucked as that sounds, sometimes I just don't want to get over it at all. I'm terrified of doing so. But I'm scared that if I do, I'll lose all sense of myself.\n\nWho will I be without this? I don't even want to find out. I don't even want to know. \n\nIt feels so cruel to want. I don't want to get over it all the time because I'm just scared of who I'll be afterwards. My trauma made me into who I am today. I still have constant nightmares, I still have flashbacks. My heart races at certain mentions, and I cry whenever I hear certain names. \n\nI want to get better at managing my symptoms, but I don't want to completely grow past my trauma...", "It kind of is when you have a trauma history like I do" ] }, { "feature_id": 4200, "label": "The theme is the inquiry into, navigation of, and personal experience with professional psychotherapy.", "pearson_r": 0.8395723572035407, "pred_f1": 0.8181818181818182, "freq": 0.09220551777469466, "mean_pos": 7.341702938079834, "top_texts": [ "Therapy advice Hi, first off, sorry for my bad English\n\nI've started therapy for adhd a few weeks ago but have no idea how to exploit it. This is new so I still don't have medication. My therapist has not been really helpful, he only gave me advices like getting a diary, putting things in the same place everytime, useless things. Then he told me he wasn't here to give me advice, but to accompany me to try to find solutions that suited me by myself. But I've been doing this without him my whole life and I'm still struggling. So how is it supposed to help to do the same things, only this time I'm telling it to someone who just nod and write stuff down?? \nEventually he said he wanted us to see each other less often since I seem to not know what I expect from therapy. It kind of upset me because I'm lost and I thought therapy would help me understand and finding solutions, but instead I got more questions and more stress. \n\nAnyway, my question is, what do you do in therapy and how you therapist is helping you?? \n\nTL;DR: I'm bad at therapy and I don't know how it is supposed to help me", "Therapy What does therapy really do? What do they do to help? Is it really as helpful as people say it is?", "Can I ask; with your therapy, is it just you working with a therapist, or are you doing that and group therapy too?" ] }, { "feature_id": 5947, "label": "The feature represents the psychological distress and functional impairment associated with maintaining employment while experiencing mental health struggles.", "pearson_r": 0.6857184482058142, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.10607955966975231, "mean_pos": 6.295101165771484, "top_texts": [ "Too depressed to work, finding it more and more difficult to force myself to keep going. Want to take a break from working. Hello. I've been under a heavy depressive spell for about a year and a half now, and work has been hell because of it. I have continued to force myself to go, but days off make it so clear to me that my mind and heart are so much calmer and more at peace when I'm not in the stressful working environment. I know my performance at work is poor, I've been told as much as well. I can only put forth the bare minimum effort to show up and do my basic job requirements. Other employees I've worked with always ask if I'm alright, if there's anything I want to talk about, and in one case, one was offended and thought that I was personally angry with her over something because of my sour demeanor (I'm not, which I explained. She didn't seem to believe it.)\n\nThe depression doesn't go away on my days off, of course. But I have more time to quietly reflect on it, more time to allow myself pleasant distractions to make the pain seem more distant. For the first time in almost 5 months I have had multiple days off in a row these past few days, and it was so good. I've never been unemployed for long, a few days at most between a job ending and starting, but I yearn to \"take a break\" from working altogether. \n\nThe problem is...I'm an adult who lives by myself. I do not have the luxury of taking a break from working, lest I become homeless. Last year during the fall I hesitantly tried to ask to my parents that perhaps I needed a break from life, and wanted to move back in with them for a short while. While sympathetic, they firmly replied \"no\". \n\nSo I've stuck it out since then, struggling through the days. I so badly want to just quit my job, but I know that I realistically can't. I truly wish I could just run away from it all, go somewhere I didn't have to work 60 hours a week. Somewhere I had the time to allow myself time to heal instead of reopening the wounds every time I go into work, because I can never find peace there. \n\nI do have some money saved up, and could somewhat reasonably be unemployed for several months and still be alright...but I know that just randomly quitting your job isn't a wise career move. I don't know what to do. I feel numb just thinking about going back to work.", "I believe my previous schooling and jobs have given me PTSD and now I refuse to ever work again. Death, prison, mutilation, homelessness all sound better than the dread of work and the related triggers. For those who have had PTSD due to work, what help did you seek? I basically obsess over and over about the job culture, how much I hate America, and how much I wish to just remove my existence completely.\n\nI will wake up at 3 am typing out emails to blank addresses, thinking I need to appease a boss. I will do anything for them. Most of the emails are gibberish.\n\nI live with my parents and constantly try to drown out this sensation of dread from working through video games, food, or porn.\n\nI want out of this hell but I am constantly entrapped. Constantly swarming around with vultures that pick and chew through even the best things.\n\nThis society is addicted, almost everything in the heart of its function is a massive addiction.\n\n\"For-profit\" seems to be one of the most counter intuitive actions, going for quarterly dick measuring instead actually performance and balance.\n\nI cannot stand this game. I will not play. I will choose death over playing the game.\n\nAnyone ever been in a same position with the monsters constantly clawing at their limited time without a voice or ability to change anything?\n", "How the hell do you cope when working makes you depressed? Working of course isn't the only thing that leaves me feeling so depressed all the time, but it's one of the biggest factors. I only work 26 hours a week, but have to work 6 days a week to get those hours. Which I absolutely need. \n\nIt's the obligation of going, the stress and anxiety leading up to my shifts, and while I'm there. It's so hard not to feel like my whole life revolves around a job I hate and that couldn't care less about me. I wake up and feel like my whole morning revolves around preparing myself to go in. I come home, and dont want to to anything but relax, and prepare for the next day, but I obviously have to shop, cook, clean, shower. And whatever else needs to be done that day. I know I lay in bed for hours some days, but I still feel like I never have time to relax. I'm always mentally preparing, and stressing about the next shift, or all the house work and errands I need to get done. \n\nSome days i handle it better than others. I tell myself it's only a few hours of my day, but I feel like it never lasts long. Sometimes, for weeks, I wake up to the sound of my alarm and as fast as my eye open, I start crying. Some days I cry all the way up until the drive to work. Sometimes, especially recently I cry AT work on cigarette breaks about all the stress I'm dealing with outside of work. \n\nI just want my freedom. I want to take mental health days and sleep in, and do nothing all day. I want a break.\n\nHow the hell am I supposed to cope with something that is neccessary to my survival. Does anyone else feel this way? \n\nI have an hour til I go start my shift and I'm wondering what would happen if I just shut off my phone and went to sleep. My one day off is Monday and it seems so far away. I feel like I enjoy Sunday night more than my actual day off because I dont have to stress about working the next day. But it's so short lived. \n\nI'm not sure what I'm looking to get out of this post. Maybe I just want to vent. Idk. All I know is I'm just sad. I'm just tired. " ] }, { "feature_id": 378, "label": "The feature represents the subjective evaluation and emotional significance of receiving a formal mental health diagnosis.", "pearson_r": 0.6251611502242729, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.0950258148156572, "mean_pos": 6.735332489013672, "top_texts": [ "Of course. Diagnosis can be a difficult thing for some people, so I'm glad I could help in some way.", "In their defense, I feel like a diagnosis can be extremely validating. It's not the most important thing of course. It's the traits that are causing issues that are. But I get the desire", "Diagnosis won’t give you any real awareness, it’s for the mental health people. Real awareness comes through doing the hard work in therapy" ] }, { "feature_id": 3642, "label": "The feature represents the process of self-assessing or questioning the presence of specific mental health symptoms or disorders.", "pearson_r": 0.5971861242355696, "pred_f1": 0.8181818181818182, "freq": 0.1535242340846544, "mean_pos": 4.1461663246154785, "top_texts": [ "Well it's possible you have BPD traits, even if you don't meet the criteria or it's not strong enough to be considered its own thing in your case.", "I think I’m depressed I’m not very sure if I am, because I’ve never talked to someone about it. When I search up symptoms for depression, I have a majority of them.", "I don’t have BPD, but I think I have some symptoms or traits of it. I don’t think I necessarily have the disorder." ] }, { "feature_id": 8813, "label": "This feature represents the struggle with emotional dysregulation and the impulse to act out or lash out during moments of intense frustration.", "pearson_r": 0.6062633944582267, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.15436577433074805, "mean_pos": 4.093553066253662, "top_texts": [ "I did observational exercises that can help alittle with this, if someone pisses you off and it puts you in a mood where you are going to lash out at someone look around the room or wherever you are and try to find something that is good or that isn’t all bad to you. You can be having a splitting episode and this can help snap you out of seeing everything as all bad.\n\nThe best thing I’ve done was to wait to address people until after I’ve calmed down. I’ve actually gone mute with anger like so mad that if I opened my mouth I would have just exploded so I just didn’t say a word and went back to it sometimes the next day when I had time to thing about it. \n\nI used to get rage attacks that were so bad that the only thing that would help was I had to smash something, if I don’t it would just build in strength until I exploded. It was bad and expensive. You can work through that too. Like anything else you’ll get better with practice and sooner or later it will be a habit", "That’s the thing most people don’t get, I’m the same way people think I’m flat or I don’t have emotions but I do and when I have them I have no ability to rationalize or control them in anyway. The only thing I’ve found that works is when I get like that I just leave the situation go mute so I don’t speak and don’t address this situation until I’ve cooled down. This was incredibly hard because urge to smash something is overwhelming but the more I’ve done it and the more it’s worked for me the more natural it gets.", "I rarely express aggression, especially in public, as I'd like to keep my calm, cool and collected face on at all times, however when something I've really hoped to go my way doesn't, I'd lose control. Literally. With risk of sounding like a complete edgelord, the crave for destruction is my downfall and I do not know how to stop it unless I physically harm someone or break something. I am taking medication which does not help at all with these sudden outbursts, and when such a moment comes (it is inevitable) it's best for me, and for others, to NOT be around people. In order to prevent upcoming catastrophic events, anything that breathes should be away from me for some time. I'd lock myself in a tight space, get a book to read or simply do something, anything that would keep my mind busy with something else." ] }, { "feature_id": 5552, "label": "The feature represents the theme of social connection, friendship dynamics, and the challenges of maintaining or forming interpersonal relationships.", "pearson_r": 0.4974231060190559, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.1049195987900016, "mean_pos": 5.9591474533081055, "top_texts": [ "I need some friends. Can someone help me get some friends? please and thank you.", "Friends flirting can be stressful if you’re worried about losing the friendships, especially if this happens in multiple friendships at once. Even if it’s awkward, having a conversation about these dynamic sifts and your boundaries in these situations is key. Good luck!", "I have a really tight knit friend group that I’ve maintained for years. I also have a best friend I’ve known for over a decade & still speak with friends from college. I’m also very close with my sisters-in-law.  I don’t hold others to my high standards very much and tend to think most people are better than me in every conceivable way, so I don’t pay attention to their flaws as much as their positive traits and how much they add to my life & how much I can contribute to theirs. They’ve all been there for me through my mental health journey and I am so grateful for them. I often still feel alone and burdensome, but they don’t make me feel that way. To be honest, it sounds like you judge other people very harshly. I can see why it would be hard to tolerate friendships with that perspective. Where do you think that comes from? How does it help you? And why do you want friends? If it is only to serve your whims, I doubt you would see the benefit in maintaining friendships long enough to establish long-term relationships. Friendship is not just about happiness, but about adding richness and complexity to one’s life that can be challenging but ultimately worth it because of the growth that occurs when you allow yourself to be vulnerable with others and changed by them. But if you aren’t interested in change, or growth, or stepping out of your comfort zone, friendships won’t last. " ] }, { "feature_id": 7933, "label": "The feature represents the construct of self-loathing and the struggle to cultivate self-worth.", "pearson_r": 0.6380311016306087, "pred_f1": 0.8181818181818182, "freq": 0.1327131712420679, "mean_pos": 4.636764049530029, "top_texts": [ "Awe! We are always most critical of ourselves! I’m sure you are beautiful in one way or another! <3", "How do I see myself in a better light? It seems to me that a lot of my problems come from my low opinion of myself. I don't think much of myself, so I don't act like I deserve a good life or good relationships.\n\nThen the solution is to think more highly of myself. But how do I do this? Do I list positive things about myself? Even if I do that, I can't get rid of this awful feeling that there's something deeply off-putting about me that I have trouble putting into words.\n\nActually, if I try to put it into words, the off-putting qualities include: childish, indecisive, no discipline, oversensitive, unexciting, unambitious, thoughtless, oblivious, awkward, afraid. So, I do know my negative qualities well. Then...how do I accept that I have those qualities? Can I change them or not? How do I love myself despite being the way I am?", "How to cope with self loathing? Throughout my day I judge myself and what I say, it's quite exhausting really. If I speak I often think afterwards that I shoulfld of kept quiet because it made me look stupid or something like that. \n\nAre there coping strategies to try or ways to stop myself from doing so?" ] }, { "feature_id": 5338, "label": "The feature identifies the logistical and interpersonal challenges of navigating psychiatric care and professional mental health appointments.", "pearson_r": 0.7822419312619275, "pred_f1": 0.8695652173913043, "freq": 0.10867241340095982, "mean_pos": 5.609570503234863, "top_texts": [ "Psychiatrist or psychologist? I am having a really difficult time making an appointment with a clinical psychologist in my area. I am calling every number on the list of doctors that are in network with my insurance that are in reasonable distance from my house. I’ve had the phone calls lead directly to voicemail (I’ve left a few stating I need to schedule an appointment but I’m not sure it’s likely they’ll return my phone call...) or receptionists answer the phone informing me there are no more slots available because the clinician I’m seeking for is too booked with clients.l\n\n I am almost too desperate at this point for help because my mental health continues deteriorating each day. I’ve finally got the courage to make the phone calls but the hurdle now is I can’t seem to get a hold of anyone. My question is...should I try and seek out a psychiatrist (I feel it may be easier to book appointments with) even though I am very against taking anti-depressants? I really don’t want to be on meds. I just need someone professional to talk to and figure out treatments holistically.", "My doctor does. Haven’t seen a psychiatrist in like 10 years.", "Really getting sick of my Psychiatrist I'm in Southern New England, and my psychiatrist of 3 years is a really sweet, genuine person. But she's clearly overworked. She runs her practice entirely on her own, and as her patient base has grown in the past few years she's become much harder to get a hold of and sit in front of. I've been working with her since last June to reconfigure my medication regime, and since the holidays I haven't been able to sit in front of her and give her my feedback. I'm now out of medication entirely, and I want desperately to switch my prescriber but I'm unsure of where to turn. Any suggestions?\n\nThank you all so much~" ] }, { "feature_id": 6293, "label": "The feature represents the psychological construct of executive dysfunction, specifically task initiation paralysis and procrastination.", "pearson_r": 0.8978055105659664, "pred_f1": 0.9523809523809523, "freq": 0.11997634589578547, "mean_pos": 4.78187370300293, "top_texts": [ "I'm avoiding everything I set a plan to finish things and can't. It takes me ages to do tasks that can be done with a little focus.", "Why do we take overwhelming large time to complete anything? For example say I have to make a ppt which is due 5days later. I will be so hopeful that i have enough time to prepare the best ppt in the world. Everyday i sit with it, from morn to night and to my surprize i wont get 1 slide done. I dunno how this happens. End of the day, result is zero. Then as usual, last moment i hurry nd complete and its of such low quality.\n\nThis happens with everything, Everytime. Exam preps, presentations, everything. What are the possible causes and what are the possible ways you tackle it? ", "Tips on starting a task?? I struggle a lot with sitting down at my desk and starting a task. When I’m in the “flow” of the task I can focus relatively easily, but the mental effort it takes for me to actually sit down and get into that “flow” is sometimes too much for me to handle, and I end up procrastinating. \n\nRecently, I have not gotten any of my assignments done because of this, and I’m falling behind a lot in school. I know this is a bad habit, and I really, really, want to get my assignments done with, but I always I end up scrolling through Reddit or on YouTube watching things I don’t even want to watch, just to temporarily forget about deadlines and my impending doom.\n\nI really need help. Please give me tips. Thank you." ] }, { "feature_id": 3145, "label": "The feature represents experiences of being trapped in an abusive or coercive interpersonal relationship involving fear and physical intimidation.", "pearson_r": 0.5768448190868776, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.13710282712034025, "mean_pos": 4.18263053894043, "top_texts": [ "We still have up until December on this lease together. I sponsor him in this country because he cannot stay on his own. We also work together. Today he was crying and begging me not to leave him (which I already had done) etc. I told him he needs mental health care - not for the first time - and that I can't trust him after what happened on the stairs because he crossed an even worse line than he has before with verbal abuse.", "Every time I tell him to leave he threatens to harm my pets or take them and release them to the wild (I have ferrets.... they CANNOT survive in the wild where I live) or he goes into rants about how useless I am and how I couldn't survive without him and somehow he worms his way back in for fear he might be right. TLDR; need him out. He threatens animals. **REALLY** don't wanna involve police. What do I do?", "He laid me down and went to take off his clothes, then I sprung up, ran to the bathroom, grabbed the key(only one we have), ran to the guest room and locked myself in there. Finally safe. No pillow or comforter though, just a thin blanket and some clean laundry. No matter, I couldn't fall asleep anyways. Around 6am I crept outside, took a shower, gathered most of his stuff I could find and left him a note saying I took his key, and when I'd be back at 8pm he should be gone and anything that he leaves behind goes to the bin." ] }, { "feature_id": 4059, "label": "The feature represents the experience of hypervigilant or intrusive paranoid ideation.", "pearson_r": 0.5340709356285432, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.1159278549821457, "mean_pos": 4.839147567749023, "top_texts": [ "Just moved into a new place with a really nice dude. Unfortunately my brain has jumped straight to fear. I'm scared he'll attack me, I'm scared he has cameras in the house etc.", "I feel a bit of fear and can recognize danger. It isn't “cowering in a corner” fear, but it's “hey, pay attention someone is following you” fear", "Oh, I see what you mean now :( yeah, it is scary. I’ve found myself fearing this same thought for most of my life, using wooden trinkets and even praying, and I’m not even religious 😅 but yeah… thank you for your replies :(" ] }, { "feature_id": 5709, "label": "The theme is the decision-making process and personal experience regarding disclosing a mental health diagnosis to others.", "pearson_r": 0.42523091226591947, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.12466167807673938, "mean_pos": 4.103344440460205, "top_texts": [ "Well apparently I was diagnosed at 13 but my mother didn't tell me until I couldn't function as a person anymore and sought treatment for the first time in my 31 years. So I would say it's been a roller coaster. The more I learn the more livid I become. I've been completely transparent on my social media about everything though.", "I haven’t been open about it to anyone except my best friend, who suspects she may have ASPD. It’s my own personal preference to remain secretive to everyone (including family and my partner) because I know the stigma would cause too many problems for my life. It’s ultimately up to you who you decide to tell and why though. Just consider whether the benefit of transparency outweighs the potential (very real) negative consequences of stigma.", "So far I haven’t regretted telling anyone. So far, only my mom knows, and my partner knows. Both of them are very understanding about it. With my partner knowing, it helps her understand some of my internal experiences, and it allows me to be completely open and honest with her so we can maintain good communication and trust. Honesty has been vital in helping my relationship with her remain healthy and positive." ] }, { "feature_id": 3018, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of chronic loneliness and social isolation.", "pearson_r": 0.5003254996764259, "pred_f1": 0.7272727272727273, "freq": 0.10023426660904769, "mean_pos": 4.793173313140869, "top_texts": [ "Yes. That's why lonely people tend to isolate themselves. Solitude doesn't feel as lonely as being around a bunch of people whom never related to you and never will. ", "Anyone notice how the loneliness is killing your sense of time Not being around people to enjoy life with, it's like the days are the same and one ends and the next starts. There's really no sense of time or purpose in each day.", "I’m really lonely My family is never home and my friends never really contact me unless I do it to them first. It’s easy to notice how everyone seems to forget I exist until I try to make contact" ] }, { "feature_id": 4173, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience and physical symptoms of panic attacks.", "pearson_r": 0.4330900463068563, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.1060113266768258, "mean_pos": 4.280173301696777, "top_texts": [ "It started with a panic attack that led to hypertension. I felt my heart pounding with shortness of breath. I felt dizzy, and I thought I was having a heart attack, this was the first time I ever experienced this. I thought I was going to die. I went to the ER.", "My panic attacks are more “quiet” I just cried quietly and seized up / shook rly hard. The thing that snapped me out of it was holding some ice from my ginger ale cup. Nobody noticed me panicking.", "Was this a panic attack? I just had a horrible experience that I have not had before. Can anyone tell me if this was a panic attack or something else.\n\nI knew that this is not a normal depressive \"attack\" or just a emotional cry because I felt like I couldn't breathe I started shakig and I felt paralized. All my muscles felt like they were tensed up. One of my friends shortly after gave me a ride home (which was a 20min ride where I just stood still muscles still tense tears still falling). When he got me to my apartment building I went inside the building and just sat on the stairs for at least 30min still crying and shaking. Got up, slowly walked to my apartment and got in my bed and finally felt normal.\n\nDuring the ~hour I didn't really feel too depressed (maybe because i just started taking Sertralin) it was more of a panic feeling. What possibly made it worse than the times i have had like a real depressive moment is that this time I was in public and when i tried to isolate myself to calm down i couldn't because one drunk person was following and trying to talk about the misunderstanding we just had that started my spiral down." ] }, { "feature_id": 9673, "label": "Existential questioning and philosophical reflection on the nature and purpose of life.", "pearson_r": 0.4360146822816669, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.09582186639979985, "mean_pos": 4.686522006988525, "top_texts": [ "Dissatisfaction of Life - most people who are dissatisfied with their life have just never been givin the chance to truly live. Most people live for other things, but true joy is when we live for true selves. What do I want? What am I good at? How can I use my gifts to help others?", "I’ve always been this way so more like \"what is my life?\"", "So relearn how to live life and participate in life basically. But this time you set the rules." ] }, { "feature_id": 4009, "label": "The feature represents the psychological experience of emotional numbness, detachment, or anhedonia characterized by a disconnect between cognitive awareness and emotional response.", "pearson_r": 0.598422906589689, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.1060113266768258, "mean_pos": 4.218036651611328, "top_texts": [ "Anyone else feel completely hollow and empty yet at the same time, still be able to feel feelings? It’s a complete contradiction, I know, but I can’t really describe it. \n\nI have things that make me happy and things that make me sad - I feel it and I recognise it, but I just couldn’t give a shit. Genuinely couldn’t care less. Is this a thing? Does anyone else know what I mean? I’m registering things but I’m completely indifferent to them. \n\nI don’t even know if I’m making sense, but this whole thing doesn’t even make sense. ", "When it comes to that \"not feeling anything\" interpretation of certain symptoms, I tend to think of the DSM-V criterion \"shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affect\", which seems to be interpreted in a similar way. Maybe I'll tackle that one if I'm feeling up to it.", "I don’t really feel much of anything if that happens. I can acknowledge, conceptually, that their situation sucks, but I don’t have an emotional response." ] }, { "feature_id": 2980, "label": "The feature represents the struggle with sleep disturbances and circadian rhythm disruption, often in the context of ADHD or medication side effects.", "pearson_r": 0.5527176754480019, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.06830122591943957, "mean_pos": 6.5373053550720215, "top_texts": [ "I need help badly with getting to sleep I can’t make myself go to sleep before 12am. Lately I’ve been turning off the tv at 3-4 and then I wake up at noon. I’m literally incapable of waking up before I have 8-9 hours, like I’ll sleep through alarms and everything!\n\n It’s really starting to brother, has for a while, and I don’t want to do. I feel pathetic and I live with parents who are super type a and all and I want to be going to bed at like 11-12 and getting up at 7-8. I used to be able to do this but for the past few years it’s gotten harder and harder. Any advice for me?", "Newly diagnosed, needing sleep advice Hey anyone who sorts by new! \n\nA week ago, I went to see a psychiatrist about having ADHD. I've always expected I had it, but I just put off seeing someone. He diagnosed me and prescribed me adderall(amphetamine salts). I take 20mg around 8-9am and then 20mg again around 11am-noon. I go to bed at 9-10pm and wake up at 530am.\n\nThe problem is I cannot sleep at all. I lay in bed tossing and turning all night. My whoop picks up that I sleep around 2.5-4 hours a night the past few days that I've taken it. I have had problems sleeping beforehand, but never this consistently. I knew that taking adderall would make my sleep worse, but I need it to focus at work even when I get quality sleep. I used to be a very heavy coffee drinker, but I've since cut that out.\n\nI tried taking 2 benadryl and a 10mg melatonin last night, and no dice. I was able to fall asleep. I just consistently woke up having to pee, despite nothing really coming out when I went? Does anyone have a recommendation for being able to fall asleep and stay asleep? I have about 9-11 hours between taking my second pill and sleep. I don't feel the effects of the adderall at all at night, but still having the problem.\n\nDoes anyone else have this problem? Do you think it will subside once my body gets more acclimated to taking it?", "Sleep Don’t know if this is the wrong attitude, but I’m kind of at point where I’m so sick of not sleeping properly that I’m not even trying anymore. \n\nLike the stress of worrying about sleep is worse than being tired for the first half of the day. \n\nIt’s less stress than worrying about getting to bed early enough, getting enough sleep, hoping I can fall asleep quickly, going to bed and tossing and turning for hours getting frustrated, thoughts running all over the place because there is nothing else to focus on. \n\nSeems when I do sleep longer it’s even harder and takes longer to wake up properly. Either way I don’t feel like I wake up properly until after midday, even though I have been up for 5 hours and have been at work for 3 hours. \n\nSo I guess I’m wondering if anyone else has kind of just gone with it, embraced being a night owl, and how are you finding it?\n\nMaybe 5 hours sleep is enough?" ] }, { "feature_id": 7466, "label": "The feature represents the experience and management of intrusive, unwanted, or repetitive mental thoughts.", "pearson_r": 0.6440943101994078, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.08363090499692952, "mean_pos": 5.001032829284668, "top_texts": [ "Heya I can only talk about my experience, but for me the thoughts didn’t go away with any medication, I’m on Ritalin, been on antidepressants, the works. The thoughts are as frequent for me as eating and sleeping annoyingly but it got easier when I stopped giving my thoughts so much weight. For me anyway, it’s helped a lot for me to acknowledge, accept and release my thoughts. Sounds weird but stay with me. It might not be the same for you but for me they are intrusive thoughts. Whether I want to act on them in that moment or not, they are only thoughts. Thoughts like that used to scare me into panic attacks, depressive episodes and even psychosis. Now I start by acknowledging that they are just thoughts and my brain is just extremely overwhelmed. Then once I accept that I’m having these thoughts and it’s awful but temporary, I distract myself to try influence different thinking into my overwhelmed wee brain. For me this looks like going on reddit, messaging people, doing something I enjoy (if I have the energy), eating something, showering, walking etc. When I first tried doing this it took a really long time to completely forget the thought since it was so awful to have in my head at all, but over time it got easier and easier to move forward. Lastly, I’d release these thoughts when I’m feeling good and have no ideation (could be a brief window of time but hey I’ll take it), I reflect on it by writing and/or talking to someone about it. Even when most of the time it’s too complicated to find a cause for the thought, it’s such a relief to get it out and to know I can get through it when I think of it again. I hope this helps at all, just my experience ❤️", "not intrusive thoughts, intrusive thoughts are unwanted, uncontrollable thoughts of things that really bother you that you do not want to act on and would never do. These are more like impulsive thoughts or urges.", "Anyways, it's been a process and it's not that I'm free of those thoughts but they are rare now and I can deal with them successfully." ] }, { "feature_id": 2684, "label": "The feature represents the experience of irrational or disproportionate feelings of guilt.", "pearson_r": 0.6178613305464978, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.08124275024450156, "mean_pos": 4.762778282165527, "top_texts": [ "How to deal with guilt for having fun Does anyone else experience this? Sometimes when I go shopping or buy treats I feel guilty that there are homeless people who don't have what I have and instead of using my money to help people I'm using it on myself. Sometimes I just feel guilty because I'm in debt with student loans and can't actually afford the stuff I buy. Sometimes it's as simple as living in a first world country while so many others are suffering in war-torn or oppressive environments. \n\nIf anyone else has experienced this, how do you enjoy your life without the guilt?", "Guilty about being depressed I've been battling some tough thoughts lately. I've come to the conclusion that I feel extreme guilt for letting my depression take over at times.\n\nI am one of the lucky ones. Supportive parents, enough money, good childhood, private schools. I was set up to start my life at an advantage - something I have always been aware of and am extremely grateful for. \n\nHowever, I let my depression own me for many years. I dropped out of college, and went to a trade school where I managed to earn an Associate's degree. I feel guilty that even though I was set up for success, I let this depression get the better of me.\nI feel like a weak person at times, but mostly it is pure guilt.\n\nJust had to get that off my chest.", "It's okay to feel guilt sometimes. You did the wrong thing by giving him those things. Don't let the guilt consume you however, use it to promise yourself you won't do something like that again. You can't change the past, apologise to whoever appropriate and then don't do it again. It's common for people to repeat actions their parents did with them and while it doesn't make it right, it doesn't make you the most awful person ever. Acknowledge how dangerous that situation could have ended up for him, identify why you make this action and work on it, don't do it again and forgive yourself." ] }, { "feature_id": 5557, "label": "The distinction between clinical Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and general narcissistic personality traits.", "pearson_r": 0.6564914401090045, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.04817249300611823, "mean_pos": 8.026834487915039, "top_texts": [ "How does this only apply to narcissism, and not NPD? I know that narcissism and NPD are not the same. NPD is a clinical construct. Narcissism is a personality trait. The things that he mentioned apply to both NPD as well as pathological narcissism.", "What you are talking about to me atleast sounds like normal narcissism and looking out for your own needs. NPD is something else and it’s dysfunctional and not everything someone with it does makes sense as they experience the world very differently and have many deficits that normal people don’t have. \n\nEither way I’m not talking about NPD just that high levels of narcissism are not great for the overall picture of things. Ironically the more narcissism a person has the more they alienate other people and most don’t understand that it’s because of their behavior that it’s happening. It’s kind of a sad disorder tbh", "Conversely, someone with NPD experiences more difficulties as a result of their narcissism and is affected by it in most situations at most times." ] }, { "feature_id": 6510, "label": "The feature represents the existential anxiety and social comparison associated with the transition into adulthood and the perceived loss of youth.", "pearson_r": 0.42792501579239245, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.07364614369868311, "mean_pos": 5.167203903198242, "top_texts": [ "25 isn't old and don't let anyone let you feel that way. tht is a very young age, you are just barely starting life. just do what you want to do and don't care what anyone thinks.", "this is what happens if you are living in a country where youth age range only lasts until 25. in Korea women get married at 30s and no one bats an eye.\nthe youth age range for UK last until 30. \nSpain , there are many 30 year old women just settling down.\nI'd say move. you definitely deserve better.\ni personally am really glad I live in a country where the youth age range lasts until 30, so at 26 you still have time.\na 28 year old was called the younger generation in my country and they assume anyone in their 20s are still in their prime, while the whole 'brain development at 25' theory tht is popular in America right now are taken to extremes to the point people literally think 25-29 isn't young. it's definitely messed up mindset.", "I always had the misperception that it's an older person's disease then what do you know I'm diagnosed at 25 told I've had it since 22. Turns out that late teens to early thirties is the primary age of onset." ] }, { "feature_id": 7988, "label": "The feature represents the conceptualization and viability of interpersonal relationships within the context of mental health challenges.", "pearson_r": 0.5095101710852532, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.07125798894625515, "mean_pos": 5.24271821975708, "top_texts": [ "There are people out there with ASPD who have successful relationships. It certainly doesn’t help but the idea that everyone with ASPD can’t maintain relationships and doesn’t care about them is B.S.\n\nAlso there are a million different ways to have relationships and it doesn’t have to fit the traditional mold that is generally accepted either. If there is something that would work for you I think there is probably somebody looking for the same thing somewhere", "I find any kind of relationship problematic, hard to maintain, without use in the long run. If I ever get a thought about relationships I download Replika and after half a conversation I'm done.", "Question about depression and relationships How do you manage a healthy relationship while you're depressed? It's possible right?" ] }, { "feature_id": 4016, "label": "The feature represents the expression of empathetic support, encouragement, and well-wishing toward others.", "pearson_r": 0.5049704887381378, "pred_f1": 0.631578947368421, "freq": 0.09293333636591079, "mean_pos": 3.968092203140259, "top_texts": [ "Life with illnesses suck, but I believe in you, truly. 💕You got this :)", "I also want to say: good luck with your healing process! It sounds like you have come a long way, and I think that's really awesome.", "Merry Christmas man! This was very kind. Best of luck in your healing!" ] }, { "feature_id": 5353, "label": "The feature represents interpersonal relationship strain and marital conflict within the context of mental health struggles.", "pearson_r": 0.6572099228017697, "pred_f1": 0.782608695652174, "freq": 0.06623149180066869, "mean_pos": 5.457333564758301, "top_texts": [ "Little/No Support from Spouse This is my very first Reddit post so please forgive anything out of place. \n\nDoes anyone have experience with having little to no support from your spouse in coping with your depression?\n\nA little elaboration:\nI was diagnosed with depression about a year and a half ago after finally seeking help when I began considering suicide at what I felt was at an alarmingly frequent rate and I became afraid of myself. My husband of course knows that I have depression and he has a general concept of what it is (I think so anyways; I've done my best to explain it) but he doesn't understand it. He says he's never felt that way and he's sorry that I do. However, I feel like he thinks I'm crazy when I try to talk about how I'm feeling. He never says anything demeaning or out of place, but it's almost like talking to a wall. We have been together for 10 years, have a child together, and have a good relationship, so I don't understand why it makes me feel so bad to try to reach out to him. \n\nI just feel so alone and I'm not sure how to get him to understand that I need his help. ", "Seems surreal right now. Reality hasnt caught up to me yet. So it has come. This last October my world seemed to end. My wife outed her true feelings to me... Feelings she had kept secret. Feelings that I was controling, that she was unhappy.... That she wanted friends regardless of if I approved or not.... That she married \"too young\"... That she never got to live HER life.... \n\nWe had a great initial 4 years. Engaged and then married. Moved to my home town. Different work schedules. She gave up sharing her feelings. I knew something was off. But i told her to be patient.... That i missed her, loved her, every day... \n\nThat we just needed our schedules to be better.. To be more in sync with eachother... Then it was that I worked too much\n\nShe kept her resentment inside so long though. She kept her true feelings in so long I didnt realize she hated me for this or that.\n\nOctober she addmitted it.\n\nWe got marriage counciling.\n\nIt is off and on. It has helped maybe a little but not for her. Our beliefs are different. I have faith in the lord and avoid certain things and she does not. She has very little discernment between good and bad in general.\n\nShe also started talking to a guy at her job..... I found out about that in oct too. Oct was a bad month... After our two year aniversary i found out she lied multiple times about talking or not talking to that guy.\n\nNo evidence of cheating. But now it doesnt matter... I tried to offer her forgiveness and do anything for our marriage and for her....\n\nShe seemed to try. We seemed okay. But there is always something that sets her off... She cant even handle a small amount of anger anymore from me.... Or disaproval of a tv show i didnt want to watch together.... \n\nOf all things that was what set her off tonight. \n\nShe came up to get her phone and said goodnight and that she found 3 divorce mediators in the area. \n\nOn top of that I found out the church I had been going to believes in the rapture theory (something i do not believe in). \n\nMy buddy didnt text me back for support and I didnt want to text my boss at 120am to tell him I dont want to work (because what is sleep when your wife wants a divorce?) \n...\nIts 1 hr 20 minutes until im supposed to get up for work.\nMy wife effectively made it impossible for me to sleep.\n\nSigh....\n\nIm ready for the world to end. Its just me and ma now.... And shit... Im going to have to say goodbye to 1 or 2 cats out of 4 :/..\n\nAnd finances are going to SUCK.\n\nMy heart is going to be shit after this. Rock cold nothing. \n\nIm 31. This is my worst break up but not my only. I dont feel like i ever want to date again. What is the point if someone i thought loved me could double cross me and ruin my life like this? Ill never trust again and I have no desire for sex or even emotions at this point. I feel empty. If marriage failed me after even 4 years before that (this would be 3 year marriage 7 years together) what can I trust besides God?", "Hey guys, Been married for about a little over a year. I had an inkling before we got married that the wife was an anxious person but it was only after we got married I realised it was much more. She has weekly breakdowns over minor occurrences at work and comes home cursing and screaming about what goes on. (Not at me, but that repeated venting does have its toll on me as well mentally." ] }, { "feature_id": 1051, "label": "The feature represents the experience of interpersonal conflict and the regulation of emotional reactions toward disrespectful or annoying individuals.", "pearson_r": 0.4909356227860881, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.09982486865148861, "mean_pos": 3.595602512359619, "top_texts": [ "I tend to just focus my attention on positive interactions no matter the person. Rude to me? I'll walk away. In the same day, you come up to me and say something neutral or kind? I'll respond kindly. I've noticed the people who say rude things are generally looking for a reaction, when they don't get one, they either avoid you or change their approach. If they continue their rudeness over and over even after no reaction, I'd consider cutting them off if it's a personal relationship, confronting them if they mean a lot to me or reporting them in professional settings.", "I’ll never understand how people can be so blatantly disrespectful like that then expect everything to be fine. Like what??? I try not to act on it anymore but I always get this urge to remind them of their place", "Generally apathetic but if people are annoying enough I dislike them and am disgusted by them." ] }, { "feature_id": 5782, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of academic stress and its negative impact on mental well-being.", "pearson_r": 0.49762544170029754, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.06577660518115859, "mean_pos": 5.422790050506592, "top_texts": [ "School is causing my depression Recently my grades have been slipping in school and it shouldn’t be affecting me as much as it is, but I’m becoming depressed and have constant anxiety attacks because of it. Bad grades usually cause this to happen to me but this time I really don’t know how to handle it.\n I’m currently failing my algebra class and the stress has been causing me to fail several other subjects because I haven’t had the time to focus on anything else other than this single class. Because of this I’ve gone weeks without getting enough sleep, I stay up until 4am trying to study but I just can’t comprehend the material in front of me. I cant understand even the most basic concepts and it’s causing me to become stressed beyond belief.\n I’m always breaking down in class and at home and I haven’t been able to do my usual activities because of it, I’ve had to skip a lot of after school actives to try to focus on this class but I’m too stressed to handle it at all. It’s gotten to the point that I’d rather be hit by a car at an intersection on the walk to my next class than even go to it to begin with. I haven’t been able to talk to any of my friends and family and the stress from this single class has carried into every second of my life and I don’t know how to handle any of the emotions and stress I’m dealing with at all.", "Keep thinking back on my bad school experiences I finished school (sixth form) last year and it wasn't a great experience. I keep thinking about all the bad things and the reasons I wish I had gone somewhere else.\n\nMost recently I keep thinking about the time I was accused of having an eating disorder.\n\nOne time I was crying in class because of all the suicidal thoughts so I went to the toilet to get a tissue and help calm down. Apparently whilst I was out of the classroom a boy told the teacher (who was also head of sixth form) that I often leave classes to go throw up.\n\nThe next hour I had a free lesson and the teacher pulled me into the office. She told me what the boy said and asked if it was true. I was in shock. I have no idea why he would say that. It was completely untrue and how would he even know if it was. The teacher wasn't being nice about it, it was as if she was interrogating me being really forceful with her questions. She was saying that clearly something was wrong with me and that I had to open up. She said I was only going to get worse unless I talked to someone. She said \"I know I'm pushing you to the point of crying but this needs to happen\". Part of the reason I was crying was because the boy who told her the lie was the boy that used to give me death threats and choke me when I was younger. I didn't want to say anything to her but I said that I had been seen by CAMHS and I was in the process of getting help but she just kept on trying to find out why I wouldn't even talk to my parents. She said that I never talk and that it was hard for her. She wouldn't stop hounding me. What's even worse was that the student manager (a teacher who you talk to if you need help with school and also like a counsellor) was sat right there not saying anything.\n\nI didn't like our student manager/ counsellor. She knew I had depression but she sat there and did nothing when a bunch of teachers sent me home by myself when I was hysterically crying another time. I didn't think I would make it home alive that day.\n\nI think maybe all of this has added to my trauma.", "I can't even do school work anymore The title says it all I suppose. This will kinda just be a vent. I've been trying to force myself to make a post but I just feel attention seeking. I guess if you are seeing this, I finally did it. I recently started high school, in my freshman year and I already failed by first semester due to missing so many days. My grades were fine, I could've passed on them even if two were low C's but the area where I live have a law if you miss for than 5 days unexcused, you get failed in all classes. So, I failed them all. I missed so many days because I couldn't even get out of bed and I'm only 15. I'm 15 and if this is how I am what can I expect for the rest of my life? My mom can shout all she wants that I need to go to school and do my homework but I simply can't. I want to lay in bed and cry all day, staring at work all I can ask is 'what will this do for my future?' and I try to tell myself it'll let me pass high school and get a job. But I can't even see that far forward. \n\n\nI'm an overly emotional person and I know it, I don't take well to yelling and I ended up with a teacher who screams this semester. He is a football coach teaching health, and like. I get it's not what he is used to and he yells cause that's how you have to act on a football field. But this is a classroom. I was doing a test and a girl said \"do i bubble these in?\" to me, now this guy has a strict no talking rule but I thought just whispering a quick \"yeah\" would be fine. I was completely wrong. He heard and started screaming, prompting me to burst into tears. People stared and now I can't even walk into class without being reminded of it and feeling my eyes prickle with tears. I've left that classroom to go to the nurse twice this week alone due to an anxiety attack from remembering the situation. Funny thing is, before it even happened I had spoken to him on the first day about how I don't take well to yelling, and that if he had an issue with me to come to me and we could talk it out. Thought I was being a mature young adult by doing such, guess not. \n\n\nIt makes me want to never go again. I don't see a point in going to this place if all I do is sit there and stare at my work confused. I don't know why the hell they want me to write about what Edger Allen Poe was thinking when he wrote The Cask Of Amontillado, and honestly I feel if he were alive to day he'd be pretty peeved people nitpick his work like this. Isn't reading meant to be enjoyed? Cause right now all I do is completely dread it. I dread everything. So I've gotten to a point where I just sit and think about going to school tomorrow and end up sobbing myself to sleep at 3 am because I simply don't want to go. I have nothing to look forward to anymore. Someone told me I have 'senioritis' in freshman year, and honestly I feel like they aren't wrong. Is there anyone else out there struggling with this right now? Or at least, have? " ] }, { "feature_id": 9023, "label": "The feature captures the intersection of acute financial instability and the resulting psychological distress or feelings of being a burden.", "pearson_r": 0.825764716380443, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.05943093683899288, "mean_pos": 5.850649833679199, "top_texts": [ "impulsive buying has me financially screwed has anyone been so screwed over financially because of BPD and overcome their debt? I have a decent paying job but I don't save any of my money- most of it goes right to bills and I have very little left over for things I need. I have to pay for my boyfriend's food as well as my own and I feel like I'm trapped. My documented income is too high for any state assistance because they do not take into account my student loans or other debts. I've maxed credit cards and I'm terrified of getting any unexpected bills. I just keep ignoring the problem and buying anyway (like coffee every morning). I feel like I just can't stop. Has anyone experienced this and ended up financially ok?", "Anyone else worry more about money than their own well being? My family isn’t living in poverty or anything but finance is always a struggle. We just had to cancel our health insurance so I can kiss goodbye to affordable medication. \n\nEver since I became depressed I’ve been nothing but a burden on my family. Therapy costs a lot, medication costs a lot, I have debt from student loans to pay off and I didn’t even graduate. \n\nMultiple times I felt like I might harm myself so I wanted to go to the ER but thinking about how much it would cost always stops me. \n\nIdk. Everyone always says money can’t buy happiness but it sure as hell would make life a little less terrible.", "I am starting a full time job over the summer and will be financially set starting in June. May is going to be very hard for me. My rent is 785, I have other bills as well as purchasing groceries. I can pay rent but will be without any money for 2 weeks after that I will be unable to buy food or pay my electric bill. If anyone could help I would be eternally grateful...i feel so bad asking for anything but I just don't know what to do...." ] }, { "feature_id": 3953, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of cognitive impairment, specifically the inability to focus, concentrate, or process information due to mental health struggles.", "pearson_r": 0.6358552291330393, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.07419200764209521, "mean_pos": 4.659606456756592, "top_texts": [ "Completely agree - to feel it all deeper, to drown myself completely into the inner world, focus and solitude are required. But I can wait for moments of silence being alone in my room.\n\nIt's normal that the inner world slides to the back of your mind as your brain cannot hold both world alive and in focus at the same time. Take it easy.", "Not being able to process what I am reading because my brain is going elsewhere and realizing how incredibly stupid I appear because of it. Whenever there is online training that must be done at work, I know it will be hell unless it's something I am genuinely interested in and my brain is willing to focus.", "Brain reset Ok so,\n\nI feel like I just need a brain reset. I've just started uni again and I feel like this is the worst I've ever been in terms of concentration. I cant even read a sentence without my brain wondering off into other thoughts. Normally I can get through a few paragraphs or, when I'm really focused, a few pages, but its just not happening. I feel like too much is going on in my life and my brain for it to slow down and focus on my studies. \n\nTonight I really felt like a brain reset. Like I need to do something that just clears my head and pulls my focus off the one trillion adult things I need to do and just... be. \n\nAny ideas? " ] }, { "feature_id": 5105, "label": "The feature represents meta-commentary on the dynamics, moderation, and community culture of online mental health support forums.", "pearson_r": 0.7018835370301613, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.0746923829235563, "mean_pos": 4.56358003616333, "top_texts": [ "Haven't gotten better or worse from reading or writing here. \n\nTo me this place is nothing more than a small community of people who have the same issues, and who are going through the same things. People I can identify with. \n\nThis is one of several posts I've seen now that somewhat complains about negativity, but that's the nature of this and many other anxious disorders and what often follows. Also keep in mind, the concept of the vocal minority. People are far more likely to post about anything that bothers them, compared to anything that does not. \n\nI for one enjoy reading about the good and the bad, because that keeps things real. ", "I don't think the users there are harsh from what I saw but I think the whole atmosphere they are preserving there (I think the moderators encourage it) is kinda unhelpful to be honest...and I think the moderators there are shady and harsh. I think some of the resources are good but I just mean the forum. I'm scared to post this here but I don't know where else would be good to ask so I'm taking the risk. It's just that they both seem to be such prominent forums for vulnerable people. So I just wanted to know if anyone else had similar thoughts about them?", "We have an active community with diverse interests and diagnoses. We do require that our members be people suffering from disorders rather than asking for advice on another's behalf. Our focus is on support, so we have 10+ support channels in which you can talk 1:1 with a support volunteer. We have lots of off-topic channels for creativity, physical health, meme-spam, and a daily-prompt for writing exercises. The Haven: Care when you need it, care for others when you can." ] }, { "feature_id": 168, "label": "The feature represents the experience of managing disordered eating behaviors and nutritional challenges.", "pearson_r": 0.6530930192281702, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.04839993631587327, "mean_pos": 6.933231830596924, "top_texts": [ "ED woes Even my eating disorder has BPD, only knows binging or starving and nothing in between. I've been every size under the sun and never seem to be able to maintain a healthy one. ", "Ohhh yeah, I’ve definitely got disordered eating habits. I had to do bi-weekly weight checks for a while and was on a weight-gain diet, did pretty well but then ended up losing most of the weight I gained. Trying to gain back now. \n\nI’ve started making myself keep a food journal where I write down what I eat and what time I ate it. You can also include the calorie count if that isn’t triggering for you. Seeing everything I’ve eaten in a day written out on a page makes it much harder to ignore the severity of my messed-up eating habits; you don’t realize how much or how little you’re eating until you really see it all out in front of you. I didn’t realize how often I was consuming next to no calories and then having a glass of wine basically as my dinner, or that I do far better with my food intake on days when I actually start by eating breakfast, until I saw it all written down in front of me.", "ADHD meds and Eating Disorders I have had a history of binge eating disorder for many years. I was in therapy for few years while in college, but have recently graduated (YAY), so I no longer have that resource. I was diagnosed with ADHD about three years ago. I tried Adderall IR, and wasn't quite right for me. Been on Adderall XR for about 1.5 years and it's been wonderful for the most part. I've been able to focus, my anxiety has lessened, and I'm able to just *function*.\n\nUnfortunately, I'm now slipping into the other end of the spectrum and not intentionally. I've been just not wanting to eat. I know it isn't good for me, I was working out the other day and threw up nothing but bile because I had eaten what would barely constitute single meal, let alone an average day's worth of calories. Whenever I want to eat, I can eat a little bit, but then I get nauseous and physically cannot eat more.\n\nI don't have a new physician to see yet, but I'm working on it. I'm scared to say anything because the XR works so well for me in so many ways. I'm just frustrated and scared and sad right now. \n\nAny words of advice, encouragement, etc would be wonderful.\n\nThanks guys <3" ] }, { "feature_id": 2594, "label": "The feature represents the personal experience of substance use disorder and the struggle to maintain sobriety.", "pearson_r": 0.6343271657163209, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.06991607341870039, "mean_pos": 4.735542297363281, "top_texts": [ "As someone who struggles with addiction this is exactly why I stay away from ALL hard drugs, and it's not that it hasn't been offered many times. But if I am this way with alcohol, I can only imagine how much fucking worse I would be if I got into hard drugs. I had a friend who got into them, and then got clean, but she was never the same. And it was really sad cause she got into them, the same time I got into rehab the first time. My. Country is known for its meth, its easier to buy than weed, and Im always thankful I had that hard line with this stuff.", "Having a hard time getting sober I've been dealing with depression and anxiety since i was probably about 17 years old. I'm not 26 years old I recently had a very bad toxic break up with my ex girlfriend and my alcohol and drug use has gotten out of control. I've been in a self destructive downward spiral since the break happened and I need to get sober. I'm afraid that my drug use is fucking up my brain and my mental state and that i'm not going to be able to reverse what damage I have done. All these things compounding together has made my depression and anxiety much worse. Does anybody have any experiences/advice with getting sober and how did it help your anxiety, depression, mental state etc...\n\n", "Yikes sorry to hear. I had an opioid addiction I thought I was hiding until I overdosed by accidental woke up in the hospital with CPS issuing a 45 safety plan. Fortunately I was able to get sober because it was so painful realizing what I had done to them. This is this problem with drugs, you can’t predict what will happen. But something bad will if you keep using. Good luck it’s hard but it’s even harder to risk losing your kids. I’m telling you that pain alone you can not even imagine it. It’s not worth it." ] }, { "feature_id": 3469, "label": "The feature represents the conceptualization and regulation of emotions as distinct from logical or cognitive processes.", "pearson_r": 0.6442594529042236, "pred_f1": 0.7692307692307693, "freq": 0.06193281324629836, "mean_pos": 5.147525310516357, "top_texts": [ "Right and that having normal emotions is actually helpful not a burden. You have to have a balance between the emotional and logical mind. Emotions tell you instantly how you feel about something your logic helps you process them and decide if or not to act on them. If one or the other is missing you are playing shotrthanded. I don’t see how lacking emotions is any benefit at all unless you blindly act on them and that’s not what normal people do.", "An emotional suicide I've never been great with putting my emotions into words, however I just wrote this little short. Figured I'd share it with anyone who cared to read it. \n\n****\n\nThe air had suddenly become dense; feeling as though a million bricks had been placed upon her chest, hindering her every breath. A foreign emotion grasped onto her soul, ripping her apart, little by little, piece by piece. With every breath she could muster, she screamed to the heavens - a cry for help that fell upon deaf ears time and time again. \n\nScars from battles of her past reopened upon her arms, bleeding out the very emotion she no longer recognized. The blood shed seemed to override the solace that her tears once provided. \n\nShe dreamt of a field covered in white. A single breeze with the strength to freeze time - yearning for a tranquil moment to last forever. Her vision dissipated before it could even begin by the darkness that consumed her entire being. \n\nThe flag to signal her defeat had long been buried - her will to fight growing bleak. She succumbed to an emotional suicide - a demise more extraordinary than ceasing to exist could ever compare.", "Yes, but this was my point from the beginning. Emotions are not a bad thing in and of themselves it’s when people can’t control them or they overpower your logical side. You have a (Had 😒)BPD tag so this is exactly what I meant by disordered emotional response vs healthy. It’s an important distinction to make, it’s not healthy or ideal to deny your emotions they are there if you acknowledge them or not and they leak out in unhealthy ways instead of a normal healthy way" ] }, { "feature_id": 1484, "label": "The feature represents the etiology and developmental origins of personality disorders, specifically focusing on the interplay between childhood trauma, family dynamics, and genetics.", "pearson_r": 0.5984873720496732, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.07955966975231424, "mean_pos": 4.004454135894775, "top_texts": [ "The cause isn't known with certainty. Could be a mix of genetics and childhood circumstances. Some conceptualizations describe caretakers/parents who do not manage to meet the emotional needs of the infant as a risk factor for the child developing it. This might mean abuse or neglect, but could just as easily meant a parent with emotional limitations of their own.", "Trauma, neglect and/or abuse in early childhood. All personality disorders are linked to something happening to you in the years where personality is formed, which disturbs said formation.\nGenetics may be a factor, but so far it's not \"just\" genetics, environmental factors play a major role in how a person develops.", "The disorder developed gradually, but signs started showing pretty early on. The cause is probably the family dynamics of my childhood. My siblings are similar in some regards, although I wouldn't say they are disordered. At the same time, some other family members displayed similar behavior to mine, but I am not sure whether that means anything." ] }, { "feature_id": 4934, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of cognitive impairment, specifically regarding memory loss and the inability to recall past events.", "pearson_r": 0.602810824901349, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.059135260536311324, "mean_pos": 5.369999408721924, "top_texts": [ "So sick of forgetting EVERYTHING It feels like my short term memory is non-existent sometimes. I can’t remember names immediately after they are said, I walk into rooms and cannot remember why I was there, I leave important items like my phone and keys in random places and can’t remember where I left them. It’s *incredibly* frustrating. I think I’ve gotten in the car to go somewhere, resized I forgot “X” run back in the house to get it, run back to the car only to remember I forgot *another* item, rinse, repeat...only to remember halfway to my destination that I forgot the important item and the reason for my trip in the first place. Goldfish have an excellent memory compared to me, I swear 🙄", "Do you have giant memory lapses? I'm currently 28 and my roommate brought up something about high school last night and I had no idea what he was talking about. Then I thought about it and honestly I don't remember really any of it. I could list off facts of my past like a laundry list, but I don't remember any feelings I had or thoughts that went through my head. I don't particularly remember having a good OR bad time. Even my early twenties I don't remember at all. It all feels like something that I dreamed about once but never actually happened. I don't think I blocked it all out, there's nothing particularly traumatic.\n\nDo others have huge gaps in memory?", "Does anyone else have no memories of their past? I thought it was only because I was young. But it seems like I can’t remember most stuff even if it was last year. When I’ll think about a time frame, I only remember the same 2-3 stuff nothing else come to my mind.\n\nYesterday I was in a place I already went (I think it was two years ago on a date with a guy) and it felt like it was in another life. I don’t remember anything. If I try to remember the guy, there’s only 2-3 memories that comes to my mind. And it’s always the same. \n\nIs it normal?" ] }, { "feature_id": 8417, "label": "The feature represents the experience of academic distress, including feelings of inadequacy, confusion, and burnout related to the college environment.", "pearson_r": 0.6378676791513624, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.05513225828462256, "mean_pos": 5.725834369659424, "top_texts": [ "College I’ve been having serious problems with my university. The college I attend doesn’t have the nicest people and as an introvert it’s extremely hard to make new friends with people. I’ve had a mental breakdown earlier because I realised that I don’t know if I want to stay in my current major partly because of gpa (my cumulative gpa is a 3.0 but my major gpa is a 2.3). I’ve been getting more and more depressed as the days go on. I’m trying to seek the help of a college therapist but I’m not sure if I can fit that into my schedule. I’ve worked so hard to not be a failure almost my entire life but now I just feel like I’m a failure.", "I suck at college I have really bad ADHD so it’s hard to pay attention to things when it comes to planning things out, and I’m also a 1st generation college student so it’s been even more hard figuring out all of this stuff on my own. Here’s what my week has looked like so far: \n\n1. Registered for my classes 4 days before semester started, didn’t get any good classes which is totally my fault for not doing this earlier.\n\n2. Got my classes dropped 2 days before semester started for some reason because I payed the fees the next day. They said I had to pay within 24 hours so not sure why that happened\n\n3. Registered for my classes again, got an email saying I was dropped from my classes on Sunday and was waiting for the school to open on Monday to call and ask if I really was dropped because I still had my schedule online, turns out I was still enrolled and I didn’t go in that day bc I thought I was dropped \n\n4. Also didn’t go in for the rest of my classes on Monday whenever they said I was still enrolled due to the fact I thought classes started on the 27th for some reason so I wasn’t prepared at all and didn’t have supplies 🤦‍♀️\n\n5. Came an hour early today so I could make sure I found the right class and be prepared for this class, professor wasn’t there when class started, so I preceded to wait outside the class for 30 min until I realized this class starts in September.\n\nWith that being said, I’m buying a calendar and taking my adderall again because this has been a mess and my ADHD makes me feel so unprepared for everything", "College sucks College is making me feel so stupid and I just want to give up on everything. I hate the area where I am currently living and don't even know if the classes I am taking are right for me. I feel like I just waste money by paying for rent and the classes that I am failing. I have trouble socializing so I don't have any friends which simply adds on to the depression. I have trouble sleeping at night and I cant stop crying. These thoughts are killing me and I don't know what to do with my life. " ] }, { "feature_id": 243, "label": "The feature identifies inquiries or discussions regarding the clinical differentiation between mental health diagnoses or professional roles.", "pearson_r": 0.6491810257257452, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.07128073327723065, "mean_pos": 4.250218868255615, "top_texts": [ "What’s the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist? I just wonder what the difference is so that I can pick the right one to go to.", "Heya I have been diagnosed with both PPD and generalized anxiety. The difference between the two for me are how specific they are. When I am paranoid, I have specific worry about being harmed which can lead me to doing avoidant or protective behavior. When I have anxiety, I tend to worry about more generalized things, like what people think of me or my own actions. They cross over in a lot of ways, they both can make me over generalize and fear about the future. Paranoia is just more specific to harm and fear of more serious actions against me, rather than anxiety which can make me fear how other perceive me.", "Did they explain any key differences by any chance? Like something that definitively leaned the diagnosis to one over the other?" ] }, { "feature_id": 9316, "label": "The feature represents the internal struggle and cognitive dissonance regarding the capacity to experience or define romantic and interpersonal love.", "pearson_r": 0.5258161442813564, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.05415425205267587, "mean_pos": 5.54217529296875, "top_texts": [ "Yep. Even with the same disorder, there's still a ton of difference between me and the other people I either know are diagnosed or just have traits at the very least. I believe that with the right person I could fall in love. I know another diagnosed friend of mine has been in multiple relationships and described his feelings as \"obsessive\" about them, so while I don't know if he considers that love, he still clearly wanted more than to just manipulate them.\n\nLike you said, maybe we don't love the same way. I platonically love some very close friends, they genuinely mean a lot to me, I'd do whatever I can to help them. But on the flipside, I don't really care about most of my family members at all. I have to wonder if when a sociopath loves someone it doesn't mean more than when a \"normal\" person does it. It's not just a default love you're supposed to have. But I'm just saying that from the perspective of the fucked up one, so I don't have any idea as to what that cookie cutter love you mentioned is like in comparison.", "I agree. For me, especially if I'm in relationship at the moment I'll refer to the \"love\" as the feeling of familiarity and/ or attraction while it lasts - and I do it purely for my inner integrity purposes. It would be hard to say that I love someone thinking of it as a 100% lie so it's just easier to re-define it for my own purposes. \n\nBeing in multiple more and less successful relationships lasting couple months to several years, I'd say for me true \"love\" doesn't exist, to the point where I'm incapable to believe that others can actually \"truly\" love. I can't even imagine putting someone else needs above yours and being truly able to sacrifice something for loved one without expecting, or even worse, knowing that there will be nothing in return - so I can't imagine others being capable of that neither.", "Why can't I feel/distinguish love? I've been thinking about it for months, years even. The only time I feel what people describe as love (familial, romantic, platonic--every single kind) is when spending time with animals, what I know is a familial sort of love. \n\nBut with people? I don't feel anything different between my family or friends, or even acquaintances. It all just feels the same. I feel like something is wrong with me and I'm fucked up. I'm not like a sociopath or anything; I feel a lot of guilt and regret. Yet I don't know if I can distinguish love. \n\nI am a survivor of very severe abuse and trauma, and I'd guess that's probably why, but I feel so guilty for not being able to feel how I should. Does anyone have any advice?" ] }, { "feature_id": 6954, "label": "The feature represents the experience of intense, sudden, or persistent irritability and anger as a symptom of underlying mental distress.", "pearson_r": 0.8292082555976409, "pred_f1": 0.9, "freq": 0.05467737166511247, "mean_pos": 5.4790825843811035, "top_texts": [ "Sometimes depression/anxiety can manifest in anger. I asked google why I was always angry and I got a bunch of articles about it.", "Feeling angry I’ve been on different medications for the past couple of months and am noticing how irritable and angry I’ve been feeling since I started.\nI’ve always had issues with anger especially when I am feeling down and frustrated but it has become increasingly worse. I’ve been getting angry at normal comments and behaviour from my family and friends and it’s stressing me and also them a lot. Finding it incredibly difficult to conceal my frustrations especially since it is so irrational. \nNot sure if anyone else has had similar experiences. Not sure if any mediation is right for me, which would be a massive bummer since I am tired of feeling so depressed and was hoping something would have worked by now. \n", "Can depression manifest as constant anger? So I recently realized that I’m basically angry all the time. I’m angry at the world for being shit, I’m angry at my friends for minor slights, I’m angry at myself for being angry. My baseline emotion has become quietly bubbling anger, like a constant high level grumpiness. Sometimes it dips down into numbing sadness, which is what I imagine “traditional” depression feels like. I’m pretty good at masking this shit, but it’s getting really hard and I’m sick of being mad all the time.\n\nP.S. I’m also on antidepressants already for an unrelated issue." ] }, { "feature_id": 1850, "label": "The feature represents the promotion of personal autonomy, self-responsibility, and healthy self-care boundaries.", "pearson_r": 0.5846560712059717, "pred_f1": 0.7619047619047619, "freq": 0.0751927582050174, "mean_pos": 3.979853630065918, "top_texts": [ "Make sure to practice self care and take some time for yourself, somewhere in there.", "Edit: Also, it is good to remember that everyone has their own life and we cannot expect them make us their main priority 24/7. It is just not possible. Giving space to others, and to yourself, is very healthy.", "You need to take responsibility for your own life and health, but you can do this." ] }, { "feature_id": 9916, "label": "The feature represents the experience of grief and bereavement following the death of a loved one.", "pearson_r": 0.5953874337933397, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.057133759410466944, "mean_pos": 5.11325740814209, "top_texts": [ "It depends on the individual. Some people might appreciate it if you offer to keep them company on a visit to the grave, or to some significant place. Some might want to talk about it, some might not want to at all. They might need some distraction, so you could offer to do something that will take their focus off the loss. Or they might just need a message saying you're thinking about them. You could offer these as options and see what they'd prefer.", "When I'm in a situation where other people pass away (hospitals, movie/tv, funerals), I go into full breakdown mode. I posted this over in r/depression but I recognize and understand that I have a problem so big, I need to reach out anywhere I can. Below is my post from [the depression subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/asz73k/i_go_into_a_full_breakdown_i_see_someone_pass_in/). \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'm not looking for pity. I feel horrible enough on a regular basis, I don't need to confirm by other people how bad I feel. What I want is help. What I NEED help. I need ideas on how to cope with this in a reasonable way. Help me please. Therapy groups (I'm in the greater Cincinnati, OH area), you tube videos, yoga, I don't care what it is, I'll try any and all of it to make myself feel better and stop these fever dreams that turn into nightmares of my father dying over and over again in my arms, never being able to make good and say my peace.\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\n&#x200B;\n\nOG post:\n\n&#x200B;\n\nA few years back, my father was diagnosed with a rare 1 / 10 million chance of cancer on the muscle and ventricle sac (a nebulous bubble, like that which surrounds a child in the womb) with stage 4 heart cancer, right after he received a successful triple heart bypass surgery. Doctors said that if they had never done the bypass, that type of cancer was basically undetectable and he would have passed without any warning.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nAs for me, I was so scared of the triple bypass that the fact that he had cancer didn't quite register at first, until the doctor sat us down and really told us what was what. After all, many of my relatives had had cancer, and they ended up OK. Once they said it was in late stage \"6-months to live\" territory, and no possible surgery for heart transplants was viable, that's when I buried my head in the sand and just pretended it didn't happen. I squandered my time ignoring the problem, never visiting my family and pretending life was normal. Denial was my drug of choice.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nFast forward to 11 days after my 30th birthday, and I had made it just in time to the hospital (after lying on my couch in the basement trying to convince myself that my father would be fine that day, I didn't need to go visit), I got an urgent call from my younger brother... I needed to be there, right now. I made it just in time to the hospital to hold my father's hand while he passed away.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nTo this day, anytime I see a movie or watch a show where someone passes away and someone else holds their hand or is comforting then when they pass, I break down near uncontrollably, flashing back with near perfect memory to that moment. The look on my mom's face, the shriek in her voice, seeing the shine disappear in my dad's eyes, and the coldness in his fingers even before he passed. It paralyzes me in a way that nothing else really does, and turns me into a giant ball of snot, fear, regret and a boat-load of anger at myself for not doing anything earlier, which only tends to feed back into itself like the monster that it is. I need help, i need help i need help i need help i need help i need help i need help i need help i need hlp.", "I feel like I am lost. It has been one week since my mother has passed away from cancer. At first, I had mixed feelings since I was sad she died but happy that she was finally at peace. Recently, I have noticed a change in my behaviour. I have become more lazy and forgetting to do homework for school (I am in first year university). I have a younger sibling in high school and I feel like I need to \"man up\" and start being more like an adult. But I am confused as to where/what I should do, focus on studies and be strong in front of my sibling or give into my sadness and see a counselor. My father, recently, has been very mad towards me with my laziness towards school and he critiques me for everything I do. \n\nI feel like Robin Williams' character in \"Good Will Hunting\" when he references the painting he drew of a guy on a boat and how he felt as though he was lost at sea, not knowing what would happen next. I also do not know what is going to happen next and I feel lost, scared and sad. " ] }, { "feature_id": 8665, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of high libido with sexual aversion, trauma, or psychological conflict.", "pearson_r": 0.4986776569289725, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.052607637546341575, "mean_pos": 5.498377799987793, "top_texts": [ "Interesting. I have the same issue but I've found I can be sexual in the context of my own space by using porn. When anyone else is involved I shut down in shame and negative pre programmed beliefs from the religion I was raised in", "I used to be somewhat repulsed, and even thought of myself as asexual when I was a teenager. Honestly, the first few times were pretty repulsive in some areas, especially giving oral. Used to gag and hold back vomit. Just the idea was gross, and there was also some pheromonal incompatibility, I think. \n\nNow, sex with my partner ranges from okay to very enjoyable, and the determinate factor is how much I can get out of my own head during it. If I'm thinking too much about it, about the scents and the wetness and sounds and feelings, I start getting a bit dissociated and weirded out. If I can enter some sort of flow state, it's a good time.\n\nI can't say I'm all that experienced though. I think this current partner is the only one I've genuinely felt accepted by (physically and mentally, despite my flaws), and it's someone who I know is extremely understanding and loyal. Being able to connect and feel comfortable with them, and having genuine feelings of affection that last past the first few weeks of the relationship have made sex feel like a mutually enjoyable activity and caring for them has made me want to help them out sexually.\n\nIn past relationships, I genuinely hated sex. It felt like a chore, and the emotional instability of my partners meant that denying it would have some sort of emotional fallout. It was awful, and I didn't even masturbate for a long time after the second one because I was so turned off by the idea and would get super in my head about it if I tried to engage.", "I have an extremely high sex drive and I prefer violent and degrading sex." ] }, { "feature_id": 4274, "label": "The feature identifies discussions specifically centered on the diagnosis, behavioral manifestations, and interpersonal implications of Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD).", "pearson_r": 0.5580680884604415, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.03564036663861533, "mean_pos": 8.08398151397705, "top_texts": [ "ASPD would look more like Charlie Sheen or Robert Downy jr. than Clint Eastwood or Robert Deniro the fake tough guy. Honestly you can’t diagnose or know what is going on with celebrities. With that said ASPD is a disorder and by definition it is defined by its dysfunction so no there isn’t much that’s good about it and the goofballs who do videos on YouTube about how they are a sociopath/psychopath then tell only positive traits are either full of shit or are lying about their real traits to present in a good light. Not all people with ASPD are serial killers or violent obviously but all are anti social so by nature that means detrimental or harmful to society it’s laws and the people in it to some extent, it’s actually considered a very serious personality disorder, I’m not even sure how or why you could put a positive spin on it\n\nWell actually it’s beneficial to living an anti social lifestyle, so people in the streets or in gangs where empathy and compassion are disadvantages drug dealers, bank robbers car thrives, it would be an advantage when you steal someone’s rent money off them because you wouldn’t have to feel bad about them getting kicked out in the street with their 3 kids while you buy drugs with that money. So there are some advantages depending on how you look at it, well beneficial until you are caught then get diagnosed with ASPD because of it", "Are you diagnosed? Do you think it could be something like ADD instead of ASPD?", "Many in my family and my Ex’s fam have ASPD. My uncle was involved in a murder of a drug dealer, my Ex’s brother burned down a house because the landlord kicked him out for non payment and an old guy died (he thought it was empty). Sister went to prison for armed robbery etc. for the most part ASPD just seem like anyone else you meet in life but they have a tendency to do extreme fucked up things that get them sent to prison. I’ve known a couple that were a constant problem probably highly psychopathic but ASPD will take advantage of your sympathy if you let them to get money off you for drugs or a place to stay and probably steal off you etc. it’s not really all that tough to deal with most of them just don’t give in to their bullshit and you will be fine. If you give them an inch they try to take a mile\n\nTl;dr don’t trust them and keep them at a distance and you’ll be fine" ] }, { "feature_id": 2598, "label": "The feature represents the process of navigating interpersonal conflict, taking accountability, and managing the anxiety of social repair.", "pearson_r": 0.3890104396734729, "pred_f1": 0.631578947368421, "freq": 0.07016626105943094, "mean_pos": 4.064448833465576, "top_texts": [ "Let the other person talk, say how they're feeling, accept responsibility for what you did. Be sincere. Tell them what you're doing to do better and avoid repeating the same mistake. Again, let them say their piece, and then tell them yours. Be emphatic, they don't owe you anything. And whatever they say: accept it and move on.", "Is this common? How did you deal with it? I want to just apologize and make things right but some of the things the other person probably forgot or were just super insignificant. I want to own up to my actions but it's hard. I assume if people find out I was a jerk they'll all hate me and I'll be an outcast and a pariah :/", "Like you, I run through everything I could have possibly done wrong. One of my bosses said we need to talk and I sat down and sort of gave a blanket apology for anything I may have said/done and I will try to not do it again and he just needed me to fix my time card." ] }, { "feature_id": 2982, "label": "The feature represents the complex, often strained or dysfunctional nature of relationships with biological family members and their impact on mental well-being.", "pearson_r": 0.7979965458094832, "pred_f1": 0.9473684210526315, "freq": 0.05624673050242227, "mean_pos": 5.044913291931152, "top_texts": [ "You guys treat me better than some of my family I don’t have a good relationship with my sister and other cousins.\n\nMy sister is 34 and I’m 26 but we’ve never been close. We have 3 other siblings who are all boys. I don’t know what her problem is with me. She’s successful, she’s a doctor, she’s married and she has a son. \n\nIf I ask for her help on something she always seems annoyed. What’s the point of family if you don’t even treat each other like 1?\n\nI have friends who cares a lot about me and to think we’re not even related. ", "Not the ass, may I tell you a secret? From the second you wish too you can choose your own family, it’s pretty nice actually, because people start to respect your time when you tell them “I am not going to give you my time of day” blood relatives not have to be family, you can actively choose to start to ignore your sister if you want to, when asked why say say “she didn’t respect my time so I don’t wish to respect hers,” it’s about respect, you can choose not to get to any family gathering for any reason including “I dislike that ass” or even for the sole reason of “I don’t want too”", "Does having a family helps you coping with depression? I know that the majority of people have families, but there are still some people out there that (because of bad luck) lost their families or never had one (due to death or abandonment).\n\nA family can give you emotional support or even prevent you from getting depression, but lacking a family could make your depression worse?\n\nI lost a part of my family due to death, I only got left my mom and a half sister, but I often disagree with my mom, and my sister is distant with me since we didn't grew up together, so I can't really say that I have a real family. As I walk through life as a 20 y/o college student away from home, I discovered that people, even my so called friends, don't want to hear me talking about my problems, that nobody fucking cares about me, that even therapists don't know the fucking solutions for my emotional issues so I struggle to find it by myself...\n\nIs there any substitute for the emotional support provided by a family?\n " ] }, { "feature_id": 5366, "label": "The feature represents experiences of derealization, depersonalization, and existential detachment from reality.", "pearson_r": 0.3923895091162285, "pred_f1": 0.7, "freq": 0.07517001387404189, "mean_pos": 3.764169692993164, "top_texts": [ "Does anyone else get what I mean. It's like the eyes are still in the common reality but the minds eye is \"seeing\" beyond it to a parallel world. Example...I work in a warehouse type of place and a few times, it physically felt like everything was a huge machine, like everything was made of machinery (that's really not how it really is) and the people were machine elves. Lately it has gone from that to feeling like a creepy graveyard with zombie noises, and in another area it was like walking through some mass crematorium thing burning bodies on both sides. Like my eyes are still seeing it like normal but it's like I'm not fully there I'm in both places at once. I related to that movie everything everywhere all at once, when I watched it I was like omg that's what I feel like sometimes but its like I don't fully switch to the other realm.\nhttps://reddit.com/r/Schizotypal/comments/11yn6b3/experiencing_things_differently_than_how_i_am/", "I just keep living with this strange feeling where I feel like my mind is outside of my body and all I can do is just watch everything happen knowing that I can't change anything no matter what I do. This may be my last post on Reddit ever.", "You get it. That’s exactly what it’s like. It feels so bizarre. I feel totally out of it" ] }, { "feature_id": 7440, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience and phenomenological description of auditory hallucinations or intrusive internal voices.", "pearson_r": 0.4535403561337835, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.057474924375099504, "mean_pos": 4.907410144805908, "top_texts": [ "Voices Seems like the best place to ask this question, but if comfortable, could someone describe their “voices”? Are they usually in your head or outside like a conversation between people?", "Do I have to hear voices with my ears for them to be a hallucination? I hear other people's voices inside my head, not with my ears. \nIs this a hallucination?", "Question about voices in your head. Can the ‘voices’ not necessarily be audible mor like a conscious but involuntarily imagined?\n\nAnd can they be based on outsider opinions for philosophy that don’t quite sit right with you?\n\nI ask because it’s gotten incredibly difficult to enjoy film/television and discussion analysis and review with so many grand standing authoritative people all over the Internet." ] }, { "feature_id": 5202, "label": "The feature identifies discussions specifically centered on the lived experience, diagnosis, and symptomatic impact of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).", "pearson_r": 0.7252262412423897, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.035390178997884776, "mean_pos": 7.951514720916748, "top_texts": [ "PTSD and ADHD I’m curious and just wondered—has anyone with PTSD been diagnosed with ADHD? Has anyone with PTSD wrongly been diagnosed with ADHD? I’m seriously wondering if I also have ADHD along with PTSD, because I look at all the diagnosis markers and I can see that I experience almost all of them. I know that PTSD can manifest like ADHD at times. \n\nMy girlfriend says I think about diagnosis too much, but it’s something I’m seriously thinking about. \n\nAny advice would be appreciated. ", "What it’s like to be a teen with PTSD I’m aware that many teens have PTSD, this is just my experience. I didn’t grow up with PTSD, I was diagnosed with it recently. It’s extremely hard for me to talk to my peers, especially because they make fun of PTSD often. I don’t mind but sometimes they push it too far. I have flashbacks constantly at school and randomly just break out crying even when someone just says hi to me. I do get to work alone in group projects most of the time thankfully due to my PTSD. I normally don’t stay up late especially on school nights, but I’m always scared to sleep. I have nightmares nearly every night relating to what caused my PTSD. I am getting help, but the psychiatrist has an excruciatingly long wait list. It’s hard to get into a relationship with a boy who understands why I don’t talk a lot sometimes. I’m academically talented but private schools don’t necessarily like the fact that I have PTSD and anxiety. Friends never understand it too. “Hah, I must be giving you flashbacks right now!” -my best friend. The more people bring it up, the worse I feel about having it. I use to be happy and had tons of euphoria but now I’m that one quiet girl in your chem class. ", "PTSD is life changing for the worse. Every day fight. Getting in a fist fight in high school( who did not get into a fight) I'm not talking about bullying, Playing video games, having bad dreams does not cause PTSD. We have seen things, or done things or ,been part of things, that most people will never understand and hopefully never experience. End of Rant" ] }, { "feature_id": 2962, "label": "The feature identifies discussions specifically centered on the diagnosis, identification, and clinical classification of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).", "pearson_r": 0.5029941766544523, "pred_f1": 0.18181818181818182, "freq": 0.04453340005003753, "mean_pos": 6.27446174621582, "top_texts": [ "In fairness NPD (and other PD’s) is considered a disability in terms of the US legal system. Considered applying for disability myself LOL", "You might not have NPD. You aren’t a psychiatrist, how would you know?", "How the fuck am i NPD then? Keep in mind that i was diagnosed." ] }, { "feature_id": 3625, "label": "The negative psychological impact of social media usage and the desire to disconnect for mental well-being.", "pearson_r": 0.474896017950265, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.05358564377828826, "mean_pos": 4.892717361450195, "top_texts": [ "Deleting social media made me feel a lot less depressed. I’m not the most social guy ever. I have horrible anxiety and I’ve got a bad stutter so I prefer talking through messages when I can. I’m also really into photography and spend a lot of my free time editing photos for social media. I usually used Instagram and Facebook photo groups for my outlet. \n\nI used to rely so much on social media to give me confirmation that I mattered to other people. If I spent a long time on a photo and it ended up not getting any likes or comments, I’d feel pretty bad about it and put in even more time trying to make my photos look perfect so that someone would give me validation. \n\nA few weeks ago I realized that this obsessive behavior to stay relevant was drowning me in depression and decided to stay off social media for awhile. When I did this I realized that none of my ‘friends’ on Facebook actually kept in touch with me afterwards and didn’t seem to actually care about me. I also noticed that my obsession with caring about what people thought about me seemed to go away. \n\nDeleting social media to me was like ripping off a bandaid. It stings at first when you realize how irrelevant you may be but once you get over that feeling then you have a lot more time to do things you actually enjoy. You can even meet some great people depending on your hobbies.\n\nThis obviously won’t work for everyone with depression because we all have our own reasons for being depressed but try thinking about how much time you spend looking at social media. When was the last time you actually saw something on Facebook or Instagram or wherever that personally affected your life in a major way? \n\nIt’s easy to get into that habit of mindlessly scrolling through your friends posts for hours but all this does for you is make you feel bad about your own life and wish you were as cool as them. Pretty much every social media site is a popularity contest of people bragging about how great their lives are. Try deleting all of your social media for 2-3 days and see how you feel afterwards.", "Social media is a big source of anxiety for me. Should I just delete it? I don’t want to “disappear” which is why I keep it but having it makes me super critical about where I’m at in life.\n\nAnyone here delete all their socials? How did/do you feel?", "Low self-esteem and social media? Recently deleted *all* of my social media i.e. Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, etc. \n\nIt became an obsession almost and didn’t really make me feel great. \nI think it’s a start to me getting healthier and learning how to interact with people in real life. \n\nI feel kind of cut off from the world now, but it’ll pass in time I guess. It’s not like I have a life or death need to be connected 24/7. \n\nHas anyone else done something like this before?" ] }, { "feature_id": 7766, "label": "The feature tracks the temporal duration and chronological milestones of mental health struggles, recovery, or treatment.", "pearson_r": 0.5892206792892432, "pred_f1": 0.6956521739130435, "freq": 0.06516250824481998, "mean_pos": 3.898305892944336, "top_texts": [ "No, yes, no, approx 1 year, no idea.\nAlways been a loner, was curious how others had fared.", "Its been officially 2 years and I’m tired I know some people have been depressed for longer. Ik people hurt much worse than me and still get through it but I can’t stop thinking how long it has been. I’m turning 18 in a few days and can’t help but think I was only 15 when I began feeling like this... constantly. Idk what I’m trying to get out of this post... I just want to know what’s the longest someone has had it... on average how long can a person endure the pain and hiding it from others. I miss being happy and I miss all the memories. Day in and day out it’s the same monotonous feeling of not being enough for anyone or anything. Not being able to make myself happy again. And I’m beginning to lose passion for things. I’ve stopped watching TV and playing video games. I used to be passionate about music but sometimes I feel like I’m forcing myself to make songs. My goals are dissipating and idk if it’s my subconscious telling me that I won’t be here much longer. Being alone makes it worse bc I’m with my thoughts and they take the life and energy from me. It just. Hurts.", "About a week ago I felt broken and like my life was falling apart, as it always does and like it just would not be better, whether I was drinking or not. I am now over 4.75 months sober. And this is the longest I've been sober since I was 17 (so 12 years). The last time I was sober for this long I was 22 and had just come out of rehab. If it wasn't for your kind words, and understanding, and people telling me that they understood why I wanted to drink, but that it probably still wouldn't help, helped me get through the night, which is all I needed (as it was then Easter and alcohol shops were closed lol)" ] }, { "feature_id": 3731, "label": "The feature represents the subjective struggle to define, identify, or sustain the emotional experience of happiness.", "pearson_r": 0.45526263484555135, "pred_f1": 0.7, "freq": 0.05201628494097846, "mean_pos": 4.878832817077637, "top_texts": [ "I can't remember a single happy moment I've been trying for the past week to remember a time where I felt happy but nothing comes to mind. There have been moments where I feel I should have felt happy but I just feel indifference. \nI want to be happy but I don't even know what it that is.", "You don't know it but you're happy. Stay with me. You're probably happy but you just can't think about it because you're caught up in the basic struggles everyone falls into. The petty thoughts that things can be better. Everyone does this. Its only by comparison when looking back at things can you see that you were happy. That was happiness. Honestly it probably doesn't measure up to being a millionaire sitting on a private beach with a supermodel fiance but what you have is yours. Not anyone else can take that from you.", "I give up on finding happiness I've tried everything to get happy and yet everytime I do later on I start to be unhappy with it. I was dating someone for a week and I was happy... For a day. then two days ago I ended it because I couldn't feel happy about the situation. I feel like an asshole but it was the right call. I fake my happiness to an extent, like a mask that says happy all over it but sometimes it slips and I just don't really feel anything throughout the day. I lose joy with most of my activities like drawing or video games. They say they want to help be happy and I deserve to be happy but why? If I be happy again I'm just gonna lose it again. Why fight a losing war?" ] }, { "feature_id": 4889, "label": "The feature represents the concept of \"hope\" as a psychological construct, encompassing both its presence as a coping mechanism and its perceived futility.", "pearson_r": 0.4023608742506573, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.05658789546705484, "mean_pos": 4.45947265625, "top_texts": [ "What I'm saying is there is hope. There always is that. Just live out the shit days and see what the morning brings.", "That sounds extremely draining, I’m sorry. I don’t blame you for feeling hopeless after such a long road with your debilitating disorder. I’ve been in a hopeless place too with my mental health, I still struggle and panic attacks are horrific. I’d suggest flipping the coin. What could you look forward to? What or who could give you more hope? Who could support you with this hopelessness? When I realised that my life was going to look a lot different than I expected, it hit me as if someone had died. I put so much weight on being successful and functional that when it didn’t work out, my world shattered. I had to figure out new priorities for myself and figure out what actually makes life worth it. For me that looked like reconnecting with people, painting, dancing and enjoying smaller things. There is so much pressure on us to function as if we don’t struggle that it doesn’t make much sense. Be kind to yourself, there will be a day where you look back and be so happy that you didn’t give up trust me❤️", "Yeah, my hopes are pretty much gone at this point. " ] }, { "feature_id": 9100, "label": "The feature captures the psychological process of speculating about or analyzing the underlying motives, hidden traits, and internal states of a romantic partner.", "pearson_r": 0.7915639118690457, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.05388132008096982, "mean_pos": 4.576763153076172, "top_texts": [ "Hard to tell without more info but it's something you might want to explore again. He might just be saying he's OK with it because he likes you but it could still be bugging him under the surface.", "It also makes him a lot nicer to people. He's pretty standoffish when he's not on anything.", "Something about him always came off to me as someone who is trying to seem as lovable as possible to hide who he really is. Maybe that’s paranoia, idk. But I think I’ve heard about shady stuff he’s done but I could be thinking of someone else" ] }, { "feature_id": 8016, "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding the clinical diagnosis, symptoms, and etiology of schizophrenia and the schizophrenia spectrum.", "pearson_r": 0.8940420217330778, "pred_f1": 0.9523809523809523, "freq": 0.03732344713080265, "mean_pos": 6.59149694442749, "top_texts": [ "The biggest difference in the treatment for schizophrenia vs. schizotypal is the dose of antipsychotics if there are any. Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder while schizotypal is not. That being said, it's the closest thing you can have to a psychotic disorder without actually having a psychotic disorder.\n\nSchizophrenia isn't *all* about hallucinations, that's just one possibility. Delusions (actual delusions, not intrusive thoughts which people often think of delusions) are very common as is disorganized thoughts. Schizotypal will have milder versions of these symptoms. They will have misperceptions rather than hallucinations, magical thinking rather than delusions, and mild thought disorder if present. Noticeable but not complete debilitating like in schizophrenia. A big overlap between STPD and schizophrenia is negative symptoms. They can be very strong in both disorders.\n\nHallucinations in schizophrenia are usually auditory. Visual is quite rare.\n\nI'd recommend talking more with your psychiatrist or getting a second opinion to determine if you are schizotypal or actually schizophrenic. They are similar in some ways but they are two different disorders.", "I was diagnosed with schizotypal disorder (personality disorder here in the states) before schizophrenia. I can say that there are lots of similarities but also some stark differences.\n\nBoth have negative symptoms. Those are common all along the schizophrenia spectrum.\n\nSchizophrenic hallucinations are typically auditory and not vague or transient, they're pretty chronic. They're inner unconscious thoughts that have the salience turned up to 11 so they sound like they're real.\n\nAs for delusions I'm always skeptical of the \"I have the delusion that\" posts. A true delusion doesn't strike the person as strange - by definition it seems real and valid to the person who has them. They may eventually catch on if the delusion causes enough distress. \n\nThis sounds more like \"quasi-psychotic\" experiences common in schizotypal disorder. In my experienced but non-professional opinion I would say that schizotypal disorder could explain most/all of these things.", "Marijuana and Schizophrenia I see on the FAQ page it says drugs do not cause schizophrenia. My father has had it since he was 20 from meth use. I have smoked since 15 and am now 19 with panic disorder. Should i stop or will smoking not make a difference. I wanted to keep this short spare me for the simplicity." ] }, { "feature_id": 2429, "label": "The feature represents the difficulty or desire to initiate and sustain interpersonal communication for emotional support or social connection.", "pearson_r": 0.40285916603739824, "pred_f1": 0.7142857142857143, "freq": 0.05470011599608798, "mean_pos": 4.350703716278076, "top_texts": [ "If I have to have a conversation, I'd rather there be a good reason for it (I could handle talking to a classmate for a group project, for instance)", "Would anyone be okay with talking to me? We don't have to talk about serious BS. Just want to chat. I'm having a rough time right now.", "I just need to talk Like the title says, I just need to talk to someone, anyone.\nSorry if this isn’t allowed, first time I’ve been here." ] }, { "feature_id": 5840, "label": "The feature represents the experience and expression of intense, pervasive hatred directed toward oneself or others.", "pearson_r": 0.8794251812456345, "pred_f1": 0.9523809523809523, "freq": 0.04871835694953033, "mean_pos": 4.787683010101318, "top_texts": [ "How do you deal with the feeling of being hated? I am 100% convinced that everyone around me hates me and that I’m a burden on everyone and no one actually enjoys being near me. These thoughts have been going on for a long time now, but it’s just getting worse. To the point that i don’t even like me to be honest. What can be done to help with this? Can anything be done? ", "I've been working on my hatred for the past few months, since i \"officially\" left Christianity, but the more i am trying to not hate them, the more they are reaffirming my beliefs of why i should hate them", "Actually it is, hatred for people you don’t even know can be seen as contempt which is very common in ASPD and psychopathy. It also shows a form of splitting and black and white thinking which is a symptom of all personality disorders and it also shows a lack of object relations which in this case is the inability to see that some people may be bad but most or atleast some are good instead you see them as all bad and hate them all. Another symptom of all personality disorders. \n\nIt would be a pretty powerful motivator to act anti-socially if you hated everyone wouldn’t it? It would also make it hard to get close to people and to care about hurting them too. Mistrust and contempt and in some cases hatred is a big reason for anti social behavior, you basically hate society so makes perfect sense to me." ] }, { "feature_id": 10239, "label": "The feature represents the struggle with substance use, nicotine dependence, and the management of addictive cravings.", "pearson_r": 0.6886023190803565, "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947, "freq": 0.05008301680806059, "mean_pos": 4.647476673126221, "top_texts": [ "I’ve been thinking about switching to vaping since I heard there’s less nicotine in it and I won’t have smoker’s breath. Unfortunately, I’m already addicted but I only smoke one a day after work (though I know even that’s too much). I feel that I just need to replace my coping mechanism for stress by using nicotine with something else and it’ll be easier to quit.", "I haven't touched nic or weed since the start of the year but I enjoy it. Nic from tobacco (as opposed to e-liquid) and THC from flower (as opposed to concentrates) feel WAY better. I'd much rather vape it in those forms than smoke it. That said I feel I'm worse at keeping my weed intake in check. My \"weekend\" habit ends up becoming my daily habit.", "I also turn to smoking cigarettes, zins, and nicotine patches to cope with the drug urges." ] }, { "feature_id": 4371, "label": "The feature represents a profound state of avolition and anhedonia characterized by a persistent inability to initiate action or find satisfaction in daily life.", "pearson_r": 0.5496421267159188, "pred_f1": 0.782608695652174, "freq": 0.035208224350080745, "mean_pos": 6.490525245666504, "top_texts": [ "Lack of Motivation..why? Seems a lack of motivation Is a common symptom of schizophrenia.. Sometimes it is severe and the patient literally does nothing, day in and day out.. \n\n What causes this lack of motivation? Do you suffer from this? What have you tried to do to improve this? Can anything be done?", "send motivation please:( I don't have any motivation for school or living. everything is so hard, i almost can't get out of bed anymore.", "How do i find motivation? Nothing seems to motivate me. Not even that i could graduate, have my own house and live the way i want. My hobby doesn't give me satisfaction anymore, nothing does, you know how it is. How do i motivate myself to do the things i must? I wanted to kill myself many times and i still want to but i can't. I'm scared of hurting others.\n\nI also struggle with an eating disorder and i know i could overcome everything but i simpy don't want to get better. A vision of a good life doesn't convince me. Nothing gives me hope and i'm not interested in anything that isn't self-destruction. I don't want to be anything anywhere. How do i make myself want to be something? " ] }, { "feature_id": 7195, "label": "The theme is the expression of positive reinforcement, validation, and encouragement toward someone's personal progress or success.", "pearson_r": 0.6150328035276788, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.05292605817999863, "mean_pos": 4.231956481933594, "top_texts": [ "I bet you feel so good about yourself, you’ve made exceptional progress! Inspiring.", "I really feel for you. You're so brave to go through with this and so decisively. You should really be proud of yourself.", "Happy that you got out OP. It's so nice to read success stories like this." ] }, { "feature_id": 9317, "label": "The feature captures the intersection of personal mental health struggles and the complexities of navigating a romantic relationship.", "pearson_r": 0.7724321626955433, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.0448745650146701, "mean_pos": 4.951411724090576, "top_texts": [ "How can I help my boyfriend with depression? (please delete if this post is not allowed) Hi all, \n\n&#x200B;\n\nMy boyfriend of 7 years really struggles with depression. Most of the time I think i handle it okay, and i am there for him to talk and make him tea and just be there. But sometimes i do notice myself getting frustrated or upset with the energy and ultimately and selfishly begin to focus on my hurt feelings rather than something he has to deal with every day. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nDoes any one have any tips as to how to not let his depression for a lack of a better term 'win'? I am very aware he cannot help it, but sometimes it does feel like i am just making it worse and ultimately he will be happier without me?\n\n&#x200B;\n\nP.S im so sorry if i am speaking inconsiderately, this is my first time posting here and i really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Feel free to be blunt. Thank you", "WARNING: Messy post, I'm really all over the place, sorry guys. I have a lot on my mind. Hope you can make the best of this text. Also sorry for any spelling errors, english isn't one of my talents. Me and my boyfriend has been dating for over a year now.", "I have BPD and It's ruining my relationship with my boyfriend of almost 2 years Recently has been very rough for me. Cause of the Holidays, family gatherings etc. It's been alot to handle. I have been mentally abused by my family for almost all my life. My parents never liked me as much as they like my siblings which was fine. I was never really as great as them. I accepted and tried to do better. As time passes nothing really changed just My depression and anxiety got worse and worse. I introverted myself from everything. I refuse to go out, hang out with anyone or be vocal about what I'm feeling. I feel like they'll judge me and possibly end our relationship/friendship. \n\nSelf harm isn't a new thing for me. But I have been clean for almost 3 months until new years eve came. I couldn't handle it anymore and just did it. I was so disappointed at myself and I knew my boyfriend would not like it. My boyfriend doesn't have BPD so he doesn't quite understand my struggles. Which I do not blame him for it. We've been arguing so much for the past months and I knew that I was the cause of the arguments. I am very selfish and didn't think what he would think. I said that I cut again to him and he didn't like it of course. I know I should have said something before doing it. But He was with his family enjoying and didn't want to ruin the holiday for him.\n\nNow I'm just lost. He tries to understand me. He does research about my mental illness but it's just me dragging him down when I know I should let go. He deserves someone better and Would be much happier than he is with me. " ] }, { "feature_id": 164, "label": "The feature represents the clinical discussion and classification of personality disorders.", "pearson_r": 0.46988916675058673, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.0428048308958992, "mean_pos": 5.030109882354736, "top_texts": [ "Anxiety can be debilitating and is no joke! But having a personality disorder is a whole different can of worms unfortunately", "Yes, personality disorders are not Neurological disorders they are… personality disorders. They do not diagnose any personality disorder with any sort neurological tests aside from the Hare psychopathy checklist and this is only for severe offenders that have already been diagnosed with ASPD. I’m not sure what I’m being vague about. I’m pulling information right out of the dsm and through research on psychopathy and personality disorders in general\n\nEdit; Here is a quick definition of what a personality disorder is, what they look for this is determined before they try to make a specific diagnosis.\n\nhttps://www.merckmanuals.com/professional/psychiatric-disorders/personality-disorders/overview-of-personality-disorders", "Well, personality disorders by definition have to be outside of the norm. You're not mistaken at all, because a personality style needs to be so outside of the norm that they cause personal distress, or loss of normal occupational or social functioning, in order to be considered a disorder." ] }, { "feature_id": 3980, "label": "The theme is the experience of chronic fatigue, low energy, and the depletion of mental or social resources.", "pearson_r": 0.4841977139573385, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.04360088248004185, "mean_pos": 4.902986526489258, "top_texts": [ "Anyone else that has BPD constantly tired/exhausted and doesn't have much energy a lot of the time?", "Oh I definitely recognize that. The more people are there, the more exhausting it is. Interacting with any of them also costs a lot of energy. The thing is, I can communicate quite well and also in a social setting...but I hate doing it cause it drains me of all the energy I have.", "Pregnancy - more energy? When women get pregnant, the first few weeks most people complain about nausea, sore breasts, extreme tiredness. \n\nWhen I was pregnant (I lost the baby at 6 weeks), I had all the energy in the world. I read that this is more common among adhd women. Is it? Did you experience the same?" ] }, { "feature_id": 3170, "label": "The feature represents intense body dysmorphia and self-loathing centered on physical appearance.", "pearson_r": 0.5177464309931423, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.04323697318443378, "mean_pos": 4.855411052703857, "top_texts": [ "To be honest, nobody is that ugly. There may be cases of people with genetic defects, but there's almost always something you can do for self-improvement. We see instances of people with actual facial defects who are dating women that look incredible. It's because those women can see beyond the outside.\n\nI'm not saying it's easy to live with what you perceive to be ugly, but it shouldn't make you hate others. I consider myself ugly in some ways, but women still show interest. I think it's just my perception, or if there is a defect, we exaggerate it. Nobody is analyzing you under a microscope. It's about your social skills, and how well you can interact with others. Looks aren't as important as you might think. I've seen instances of people in our paradigm of beauty who are considered ugly, and yet they have lots of friends and partners. So I wouldn't worry too much about these things.\n\nAnyways, if you're not happy with the way you look, change things that are within your control. I do this as much as I can, so you'll at least look average to good. You'll blend in with the rest of society.", "self hate. Someone please help me. I feel like i’m losing my mind and the stress/depression from this is literally making me physically ill. My depression is due to many reasons but what kills me most is something I have no control over. I am repulsed by my physical appearance, particularly my face. I honestly fight the urge to cry every time I look in the mirror. \n\nI try everything I can to look better. I have a strict skincare routine, I take care of my body as best as I can. But i’m still unattractive. \n\nThe thing is...this is becoming an obstacle on so many levels...I hate going out because I feel so uncomfortable in my skin. School, work, whatever...I hate being around people. I can make friends easily, sure, but i’m never able to keep any because of the deep insecurities I have. I feel truly ugly. I’ve got personality but my looks get in the way, I feel. The fact that I have no control over my face but can’t seem to move forward with life (like most people can) is making me mental. ", "Why am I so fucking ugly. I think I used to look good when I was about 10-13.\nThen I started getting acne and my face started growing and getting fucked.\nMy nose is huge, my eyes are asymmetrical, my jaw is asymmetrical, my face is fat as fuck even though Im thin as a stick, My teeth are yellow and asymmetrical, One ear sticks out really much while the other one is flat. Literally everything is wrong with me. I never go out anymore and every time i see myself in the mirror I get one step closer to killing myself. And when I see myself in the camera I look like a fucking freak, like I belong in a zoo. Everyone around me is so fucking perfect. I dont have any friends and nobody likes me, Its just a matter of time before I do it." ] }, { "feature_id": 9942, "label": "The feature represents discussions regarding the social perception, diagnosis, and lived experience of autism spectrum disorder.", "pearson_r": 0.5134981863738186, "pred_f1": 0.7619047619047619, "freq": 0.029840562239861715, "mean_pos": 6.99538516998291, "top_texts": [ "in my opinion no one whatsoever tht isn't struggling would say they have autism. \nautism didn't have as good of a rep especially when getting hired.", "Anyone else here have autism as well as depression? I'm 24m with high functioning autism. I'm just wondering because to me life is hard to grasp when you have autism and, as I've noticed, it's even harder when depression hits.\n\nI'm sure there are some of you... i guess i just feel alone and so alienated that i wish somebody could relate. I wish i wasn't alone but i am. \n\nDepression is hard for me to put in words. In fact, i seem to not understand anything as is and it's so frustrating. \n\nI'm just wondering if there is anyone out there who feels like i do. Because right now, it feels like I'm an alien on the wrong fucking planet and I'm drowning from its atmosphere. I hate being different. \n\nI wish for true anonymity.", "lol Back then there really was no spectrum and having autism meant you were mostly likely non-verbal, had to wear a helmet (so you wouldn't hurt yourself) and had to be in a self contained class." ] }, { "feature_id": 9052, "label": "The feature represents existential nihilism and the questioning of life's inherent purpose.", "pearson_r": 0.6234069204142044, "pred_f1": 0.7, "freq": 0.05108376737098278, "mean_pos": 4.083743572235107, "top_texts": [ "What’s the point Anyone else here just fail to see the point in anything sometimes? I have a girlfriend, a roof over my head, have a year left in college, etc. so overall everything is going well, but I just can’t shake this feeling that all of this shit doesn’t matter. In 10000 years, what we do on this planet won’t matter at all. Not, even trump being president won’t matter at some point in the future. I guess this nihilistic thinking has its pros but overall it’s just really depressing when I think about it. ", "i don’t want to do anything in 2015 i realized after a lot of thinking that nothing anyone does will ever matter. i am going to die some day and nothing i can do will ever matter because of that. so why do anything? i don’t want to die, i don’t hate myself, but i literally can’t do anything with myself because of that way of thinking. i am 20 years old (21 at the end of the month), high school drop out, and haven’t done anything with myself for 4 years. i wake up, go on my computer for the entirety of the day, get in bed. but then it kinda always comes back to this. thinking to myself “why don’t i do something with my life? i’m wasting so much space everywhere i go. i should give back to society and not be useless” but then i think about how i’m jusy going to die so what’s the point? what is the point of anything? ", "I think like this, sometimes. But more and more, when I start thinking about how meaningless it all is, I just kind of laugh. Yeah, it's meaningless. But to me that means there's no point in getting down about it, either.\n\nI'm not denying it's scary or oppressive at times. But on the other hand, when I start spiraling about something, I can sometimes stop myself from blowing things out of proportion by remembering that on the cosmic scale *there is no meaning.* \n\nI don't tell myself \"in 100 years this won't matter.\" It's not other people's opinions I worry about; it's my own inner space that I'm focused on. I just ask myself what something means to me in the \"fleck of dust hurtling through space\" kind of way. It's turning into a comfort." ] }, { "feature_id": 5428, "label": "The feature represents the psychological distress and emotional instability associated with being alone or experiencing solitude.", "pearson_r": 0.6902434271123824, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.04814974867514272, "mean_pos": 4.2691874504089355, "top_texts": [ "Is it okay to cope with depression alone? Hello friends.\n\nI've delt with depression for the last 12 years or so, and I win most battles these days, but sometimes it comes back, and over the most STUPID things.\n\nI'll save the long story of the last couple of days, but, in summary, I haven't been able to do my homework, I'm too distracted to read, all I've done is watch movies, and I rescheduled a job interview over it.\n\nTHE ISSUE: I always think talking to people will make it better, but it seldom does. When I'm depressed, I legitimately think I cope better when I can be alone with my thoughts. It's like nothing anyone ever says is anything I want to hear, even if I thought I wanted to hear it. I'm an introvert by nature, and I treasure my alone time. \n\nTHE QUESTION: Is it okay to want to be alone and to think you do better fighting it on your own? When I'm alone I like to write and read with no distractions. I also play games and talk to my cat. It doesn't feel destructive, but I don't think people condone being alone when you're struggling with depression.\n\nThoughts and comments are appreciated.", "Want to be alone Does anyone else here have a significant other and they get very excited to see them and love them very much. \n\n Yet somehow, now and the are struck with the feeling of no desire to be in a relationship at all and be completely alone? \n\nMy boyfriend means the world to me but sometimes I wonder if it’s my anxiety and depression telling me to “break up with him” or “be alone” when one minute I’m happy and the other I feel alone.\n\nI know deep in my heart he is a good person and I need some space now and then. \n\nIt doesn’t stop that I feel like a terrible person for thinking/feeling it. ", "I'm afraid to be left alone with myself As I trawl through Instagram - past layers and layers of rock climbing, bike-packing, national geographic, adventuring, van-dwelling, log-cabin-fireside-coffee drinking people - I am stricken by a sudden mortal terror. \n\nI had a singular thought. Why am I not doing anything like this? Swiftly followed by another; because you are terrified of being alone with yourself. \n\nI learnt how to drive. I bought an old, beat-up junk car. I've got eco-friendly camping stove lighters, too many backpacks of varying sizes, an inflatable mattress for the car, a special filtering straw to make dirty water safe to drink. I've got a single tent, a decent sleeping bag, a drybag, a hammock, a wind shelter. I've got a hydration pack, firelighters, a pocket knife. I've got a bike. I've got all my rock climbing gear. I've got my auntie willing to give me her unused kayak for free; if I'd only go and collect it from her. \n\nI've got a dozen hiking, canoe trail, and rock climbing apps on my phone. But I don't have an image in my head of me living that life in my head. I've got all the shit I need, impulse-buys and one-click wonders. But every time I try to imagine myself out there, I just see my desolate, wrecked self reflected back at me. \n\nI'm out there, but I'm also lying in bed here. I'm in the forest, but I'm also crying in my car at 02:00 because I don't want anyone else to hear me. I'm on the lake, but I'm also pacing frenetically around my room, sliding the scalpel across my arms. \n\nI can't see me out there without it being tethered to the me in here. I am so utterly terrified at the thought of being alone with myself. My distrust of the world is like a deep vein, but my distrust of my self lines my bones. Intrinsically tied. Buried at my core. \n\nI don't know how to see the world beyond what I know. I don't know how to be alone, with myself. Who am I alone? How painful it is to be alone." ] }, { "feature_id": 10043, "label": "The feature represents the psychological distress and emotional exhaustion associated with the job search process.", "pearson_r": 0.7349769510712281, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.04182682466395251, "mean_pos": 4.899672508239746, "top_texts": [ "Job hunting when depressed Hello, I'm looking for a bit of advice. I've had persistent depressive disorder/dysthymia (as well as anxiety) for longer than I can remember. I finished my BA back in August and had originally intended to spend this year working any old part-time job to pay off loans and apply to grad schools, but in September I realized I didn't have the qualifications to apply and that grad school is no longer an option. I've been looking for full time work (preferably something that doesn't aggravate my physical and mental problems) since but am still unemployed. While there are some other factors at play my depression is definitely a major roadblock in my job hunting. \n\nUgh, I've rewritten this part at least ten times already, I'm not going to try to filter anymore, so let's start with the fact that I'm a perfectionist and it can easily take me several days to write and submit an application. I feel terrible about this because I keep getting told that I should be sending out six or more applications a day, yet if it isn't perfect I feel like no one will even look at me and it will all be a waste of time. Because of my depression I'm not really interested in any job posting so I instead tend to apply based on whether the posting meets my needs and whether I have the qualifications. I know that the qualifications part is an employer's wish list and at first I was sort of ignoring them and just sending in an application anyway emphasizing the point that I enjoy learning and am willing to learn, but I never heard back and started kicking myself for wasting time on these applications so now am back to only apply to positions I think I could get. \n\nI've had a few interviews for positions I actually found myself wanting but my self-esteem is so low I have trouble selling myself, I'll get asked a question like \"why are you the ideal person for this position?\" and I know that there are others out there that are better than me so I make something up and I feel not only am I coming off as flat/boring/not good enough but also as a liar. In some of the group interviews I could tell the other people were really enthusiastic about the position/company and feel I can't compete because while I want the job it's not like it's my life's ambition or something.\n\nI don't know what kind of advice I'm hoping for but just anything relating to job hunting while depressed. As a recent graduate I have next to nothing financially and am living with my mother and she's hinted a few times in the last two months that maybe I should just go back to the job I had in high school (the same job that exacerbated my anxiety/depression to the point where I was suicidal) so I'm out of the house and can pay my own dues (she's bought and paid for a lot for me since I finished university). I want a job so that I can stop being anxious about not having money and not feel like a failure and maybe be able to go back to counselling and try a few more anti-depressants but I don't think I can handle being back in food or retail (I could barely handle it when I was hopeful about the future).\n\nSorry, this turned into a longer post than it needed to be. Thank you in advance for any advice.", "Job loss, job rejections, anxiety Due to a Joint Powers Agreement myself and some colleagues will be axed starting in June. I've been scrambling to apply for jobs. I'm taking those 3 hour exams if I'm lucky, going to interviews if I'm even luckier. Today, I received a rejection email from a position where the only reason I got a chance to interview was because I knew a guy who was married to the woman who interviewed me...and I still fucked it up.\n\nI've been looking for FT employment for years. I have a bachelor's degree. A shitty one, but a degree nonetheless, and plenty of work experience between various part-time jobs I hold at the same time to supplement each other. \n\nI don't know how to not feel like shit right now.", "Hate looking for jobs I've been unemployed for a few years, and been trying to find work during that time. Not ONCE have I gotten lucky with a paid job; plenty of interviews, but nothing more. It's getting to the point where even searching for jobs is making me angry and sad, because part of me thinks I'll never even get past step one of an interview process. I'm trying to stay positive on it, but when you're looking for so long, get so close to it, only to lose out to a \"better choice\", you can only take so much.." ] }, { "feature_id": 8078, "label": "The feature represents the complex, often traumatic, and strained emotional dynamics within the mother-child relationship.", "pearson_r": 0.4728298381454895, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.03789205540519026, "mean_pos": 5.397092342376709, "top_texts": [ "Yup. That was our mom. She was like that with everything in our lives. I consider her to be very sadistic", "Ok, so I am an expert with cutting off family. I stopped talking to my mother in 2013 and didn't talk to her again until 2019 with my aunt acting as a sort of intermediary. First of all, I am glad your mom is seeking help and improving. A lot of people don't improve and don't take responsibility for their actions. \n\nHowever you are responsible for your own health and healing, not hers. If interacting with her comes with a cost/injury to you then just don't interact with her. You can always reach out to her later (months? years?) when your mental health is stronger.", "\"I failed you. You have no concept of love.\" -My Mother Thanks mom, now I have yet another thing to talk about in therapy. Worst part is, I can't even tell if she's right. " ] }, { "feature_id": 6759, "label": "The feature represents an urgent, immediate need for social support and interpersonal connection during a crisis.", "pearson_r": 0.3538578589945181, "pred_f1": 0.631578947368421, "freq": 0.0632519844428776, "mean_pos": 3.218632698059082, "top_texts": [ "I really need a listening ear and help right now. I'm sorry, I'm just going through a really rough time this very moment and I've got no one to talk to.", "At this very moment, money issues are a concern. To be honest, everything is bothering me. I don't have relationships, a proper job, and nothing changes. I also have other health issues, so those don't help things either.", "I feel desperate now. I just want someone I can talk to. I’ve exhausted all my friends and family and I can’t blame them for it. I have absolutely no one right now. I feel so alone and just want a lifeline." ] }, { "feature_id": 2764, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience and quantification of chronic or persistent physical and emotional pain.", "pearson_r": 0.648560352606796, "pred_f1": 0.7692307692307693, "freq": 0.042122500966634065, "mean_pos": 4.781967639923096, "top_texts": [ "I often feel overwhelmed by pain I wish I could suggest ways to kill the pain that were both healthy and fast-acting, but I haven't found them yet.\n\nIf you feel the need to harm yourself, please go to the nearest hospital as soon as possible. If you can't do that, tell someone how you are feeling and ask them to sit with you. If you can't do either of those things, at least get rid of anything that you might use to harm yourself.\n\nTry to take comfort in the fact that the pain will subside. It always does and it always will. All feelings change, just like everything else in life does. \n\nSome people suggest that you examine the pain without judgement. \n\n1. Acknowledge that you are in pain. \n2. Try to let go of feeling upset that you are in pain. Being upset increases the pain. \n3. Look at what is causing the pain. Ignoring the pain causes increases the pain.\n\nPersonally, I find it very difficult to step back in that way, but the idea seems sensible.\n\nAgain, talk to people. Ask them to sit with you, or better yet, take you to the hospital.", "I guess I was wrong in saying my pain is a 3 most of the time. By this chart its a 4-5. Dang, I have been undervaluing my own pain, cause I have gotten to a 10, so to me a 5 is more like a 6/7", "Higher, for sure. And yes I’d say I do enjoy pain while hypo" ] }, { "feature_id": 5076, "label": "The feature identifies the explicit discussion, contemplation, or interpersonal navigation of suicidal ideation.", "pearson_r": 0.8113291194225039, "pred_f1": 0.8888888888888888, "freq": 0.042372688607364616, "mean_pos": 4.7038655281066895, "top_texts": [ "maybe. but more specifically, everyone “becomes” (opens up about thoughts) suicidal when we get painfully close", "Fuck life (not suicidal) Ever have one of those just fuck life situations? Like you’re not suicidal or shit you just like give up? Yeah same.", "Does having suicidal thoughts mean you don't want to own up to your responsibilities? Hi, I apologize if I've posted this in a wrong place but this is kinda my first question on Reddit and I had subscribed to this sub. \n\nSo anyway, I'm 26 and I have been living with my parents for the past four months. Quit my job in another city because of something terrible I went through at my workplac and came back to my hometown (parents still don't know the actual reason why I quit).\nI've been giving interviews since the past four months but I've always faced rejection. So I joined online courses to get better at prepping myself for interviews, still hasn't worked. :(\nThat, added to my body weight issue (which parents make me feel guilty about every single day) fuelled my depression of couple years (i was clinically depressed two years ago and never told my parents about it) and I started feeling low. Eventually I started to have suicidal thoughts thinking it's an easy way out. \nBeen having panic attacks since the past couple of months. Had an anxiety attack yesterday.\nSo yesterday night I finally had the courage to talk to my parents about what I was going through.\nTurns out my mom thought that me being suicidal or having those thoughts is just me being lazy and not wanting to own up to my responsibilities and not wanting to work on myself, and I'd rather leech off their hard work than do something for myself.\nNow the issue here is, I've tried and tried my best to get over this feeling. But I quickly relapse into it after things don't seem right.\nAm I the one who's completely at fault here and my parents are right about me trying to run away from my parents and not wanting to do anything actively about changing myself?\nP.S: Sorry for the long post. :(" ] }, { "feature_id": 6313, "label": "The feature represents the experience of alcohol-induced emotional distress, specifically the exacerbation of depression or negative mood following alcohol consumption.", "pearson_r": 0.45544681006842624, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.030773079809857395, "mean_pos": 6.476526260375977, "top_texts": [ "Alcohol makes me extremely depressed. Hello everyone. I've been struggling with depression for many many years, but last year has been especially bad; basically since I started going to university. From time to time I'd get super drunk when I was home alone. It helped distract me from the pain, relax and enjoy the moment. I went abroad to work last summer with some friends, and we were drinking and partying heavily during the weekends. It was one of the best summers ever, and definitely the happiest I've been during last year or two. After I came back home, it hit me again. So I tried to drink it away as I was doing all summer, but it stopped working. When I drink now I get extremely depressed. Sometimes already during the night, usually when I wake up the next day. I hate myself much much more than regularly, can't get out of bed not because I'd have a hungover, I'm just super fucking depressed. It also has nothing to do with how the night of drinking went. I could be having the best time and suddenly my mood drops to the deepest depression, sooner or later. Any of you with the similar experience?", "Does anyone else get a serious low for a few days following drinking alcohol? I'm normally a relatively positive guy. I've dealt with depression in the past and still have low points at certain times in the year, however almost without fail if I drink excessively, the days following are filled with guilt, regret, and a general depression and anxiousness.\n\nJust wondering if anyone else experiences this", "Same, drinking just makes me feel happy and I have no inhibitions. Idk why OP thinks aspd makes you not have any affects from alcohol because that's just not true. Props to you for quitting drinking though, I just can't get myself to stop." ] }, { "feature_id": 2754, "label": "The feature represents the discussion and evaluation of specific psychiatric medication regimens, side effects, and dosage adjustments.", "pearson_r": 0.7965971182357307, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.03589055427934587, "mean_pos": 5.540958881378174, "top_texts": [ "Has anyone had Wellbutrin added as a supplement to Lexapro? Did it make you feel worse? I've been on Lexapro for over a year now, and I'm currently at 20mg. Lexapro just helps me function and doesn't really enhance my mood much. But I hit a point where it wasn't helping much, and my doctor prescribed Wellbutrin XL 150mg to take with my Lexapro. It did help me get back to the point where I could function again, but now I just constantly feel down.\n\nI actually ran out of my Wellbutrin and haven't been able to get to a pharmacy because I commute to my college and have spent 12 hours on campus all week. But I've noticed that I actually feel much better without the Wellbutrin??? I just don't feel as clouded and irritable as I have recently, even with a lot of personal issues slapping me in the face.\n\nI take Lexapro in the morning and Wellbutrin at night before I go to sleep.\n\nHas anyone else gone through this? If so, what did your doctor recommend?", "Switching from Zoloft to Effexor Has anyone had any luck with Effexor? All the stories I've read are about how it fucked up their lives...\n\nI got back on Zoloft a few months ago and since then I've had a whole slew of side effects that really made life difficult so I had a follow up today and told my Dr I wanted to switch to something different, so he suggested Effexor since I haven't had much luck with SSRI's (i was on lexapro about 5-6 years back and it was hell). Is there anyone who's had a good experience with it, and any major side effects I should watch out for? \n\nWith Zoloft, it completely killed my appetite, my migraines got much worse, I was sleeping 12 hours a day and could barely stay awake, and my anxiety was worse. ", "Wellbutrin XL and Lexapro side effects Hey all,\n\nI've been on Lexapro (generic) for a couple years now, no issues. Currently 20mg dropping to 15mg tomorrow.\n\nThis week I started Wellbutrin XL (generic) at 150mg. I feel good, little wired, but not bad.\n\nI'm concerned with the possibility of seizures. I've brought this up to my doctor, waiting on a response, but I figured I'd get more opinions.\n\nI have no history of seizures, no plans to go above 150mg.\n\nAny thoughts, am I worried for nothing?\n\nThanks!" ] }, { "feature_id": 7344, "label": "The feature represents the experience of psychiatric inpatient hospitalization.", "pearson_r": 0.4111032083956732, "pred_f1": 0.18181818181818182, "freq": 0.04476084335979257, "mean_pos": 4.406323432922363, "top_texts": [ "I feel anxious about being hospitalized After admitting how bad my symptoms are to my Dr and feeling suicidal throughout the day, she said It would be helpful for me to be hospitalized for a while. I also had an appointment with an other doctor today who supported my Dr's opinion. Even though i was feeling like committing suicide was the right thing to do, the thought of being hospitalized scared me a little. Have you ever been hospitalized?", "It's not weird that you want to go. I'd say that if you want to go, you should try to, especially if you feel like KMS or SH. Better safe than sorry.\n\nI'm also in the US. I've been hospitalized 12 times since about 1990. Some of my experiences have been good to excellent, some less so, but none have been a waste of time. I agree with a previous poster that if you check yourself in, stay as long as suggested - do not check out early even if you can. If you need respite, you need respite. Do not guilt yourself into leaving early (or not even going) because you have 'too much to do' or 'so many responsibilities.' If you had the strength to handle those responsibilities, you wouldn't be seeking respite. Listen to your heart, not the voice your boss implanted in your head. Without your health and sanity, what do you have left? I used to do that BS with both physical and psychological problems: I remember once going to work with a fever of 105°F (40.5°C) - I shouldn't even have stayed at home. I should have gone to the hospital, not to work -- and my boss guilted me when I got to work. If part of you calls for self-care in an emergency, listen to it. \n\nMy usual modus operandi is to go to an ER at the best hospital in the area. When in doubt, go to the nearest university hospital. In NYC, I recommend NYP or Mt Sinai. It depends on where you live, I guess. The advantage of going to a university hospital (or at least a large hospital) is that they will have the facilities to look for and treat any physical problems which may or may not be affecting your mental health. \n\nExpect to spend anywhere from a few hours to a few days waiting for an opening in an inpatient facility. Don't lose hope and leave. The entire inpatient experience is not what I would call fun, and often the food and company leaves something to be desired, but respite is respite. My meds routinely get evaluated and sometimes doses or meds are changed up or down. In my case, with severe treatment-resistant depression, I am sometimes given ECT. Do not turn it down if offered. It's not painful, it doesn't burn out your memory and and it's the gold standard treatment for depression. Some of the scare stories used to be true, but they definitely aren't true now (I had some last week, actually).\n\nMy stays have lasted anywhere from 10 to 22 days. It's not a vacation, but it is worth going. Unfortunately, considering the state of American healthcare, your insurance company will want you to be discharged before you're fully ready but after the initial crisis has passed. It's not enough, but it's better than nothing. \n\nBefore you get discharged, you will be set up with follow-up services of varying amounts of support. That can vary anywhere from day treatment to monthly medication management. Try to get the most support you feel comfortable getting, and keep your appointments etc. Nobody is going to force you to do anything when in the ward or after you leave, but it's important to remember why you went in the first place. You felt you needed help. Let yourself take as much help as is offered for as long as possible. Sometimes you may struggle against that help, but that's just your self-sabotage talking. Ignore it just like you should ignore the boss' voice. On some level, you wanted help, so try not to reject it when it's offered. On some level, you want to lessen your symptoms and dysfunctionality, even if it doesn't always feel that way. Keep your eyes on the ball. Listen to the voice that says \"you can get better. You can make a better life for yourself.\"\n\nOne more suggestion: be as honest with your treatment team as possible. It may be embarrassing sometimes, but the more they know, the better your treatment will be. Seriously - nobody benefits if you lie or ignore things. Remember: doctors and nurses have seen and heard it all. Everything. Stuff you seriously can't imagine. You're not going to shock them, and they won't look down on you or humiliate you. Even if your treatment team is sub-par, they will try to help you to the best of their abilities and resources. When you help them do their jobs you'll get better faster and better than you think you will. Let the experts be experts. Don't leave all the decisions to them, but they did spend a lot of time learning and practicing their profession, so they're worth listening to at least.\n\nThat's pretty much everything I can think of at this point, except perhaps to say that I have never regretted my inpatient stays in the long run, even for the one which was kind of frightening (11 days in Bellevue Hospital).\n\nIf you have any questions, please feel free to ask here or send me a message.\n\nTake care of yourself for a change. ♥️", "The idea of going inpatient has always terrified me. Being away from my loved ones in a strange environment for who knows how long… being involuntarily submitted would be even worse." ] }, { "feature_id": 5683, "label": "The feature identifies meta-discussions regarding the subreddit community, its purpose, or its specific culture.", "pearson_r": 0.6067378538961014, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.03755089044055769, "mean_pos": 5.238307952880859, "top_texts": [ "I cannot thank this sub enough. It has kept me sane since March. You are all so wonderful. Thank you so much.", "A tip to get better Firstly I want to say this, I have enormous respect for the people that use this subreddit for relief and comfort. I do not mean to insult anyone on here with what is my opinion as that is not the intention, but an observation that I have made that I need to share in case it helps others.\n\nI have troubled with severe anxiety and mental health issues for as long as I remember. I used to subscribe to this page. Everyday I would come on here and read posts about others who felt the same as me on many issues, and that did provide comfort. However, it’s really not a good way to live your life. Having unsubscribed from this page I definitely found that the time spent despising myself and reflecting on the genuine pain I’ve had to go through in my life decreased. \n\nWhat am I proposing? To leave this subreddit, a week, one month, and tell me if you feel better or feel worse. I guarantee that at least some of you out there will experience the improvement in self worth and a decrease in amount of truly harmful thoughts and ideas. We are all sensitive human beings, help yourself by making sure the content of what you read about does not draw you back deep into your own personal problems. \n\nGood luck everyone ", "I made a sub for those looking for a buddy to check in on them every once in a while :) Join us in [My Buddy](https://www.reddit.com/r/MyBuddy/)" ] }, { "feature_id": 762, "label": "The feature represents the inability to cry or the experience of uncontrollable, spontaneous crying.", "pearson_r": 0.7277022630718387, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.035208224350080745, "mean_pos": 5.557912349700928, "top_texts": [ "Crying help I don't know where to go for this problem but I thought my best bet would be starting here:\n\nI can't cry. \n\nMost people think I'm lying and trying to put on some kind of tough persona but I'm not. I haven't cried since middle school and I'm twenty-one now. \n\nIt's not like there haven't been things in my life to make me want to cry (most recently it has been losing my friends). I suffer from clinical depression and anxiety. But no tears. I lie awake at night sometimes just so sad and heartbroken but nothing comes. \n\nI miss crying. No matter the hurt that caused it, I always found comfort in how tired it would make me after and how cool my pillow felt after I cried into it. It was such a nice release and I just can't get it anymore. \n\nDoes anyone have any advice they can give me on how to cry again or point me in the right direction?\n\nThank you.", "I just… start crying, I don’t do emotional crying, the way is to just do the thing you said and not to blink for a moment and here you go -got yourself crying", "Why am I crying so much for literally no reason? Today me and two of my friends went to an amusement park, we had fun the first few hours or so, but then for no reason I just started crying. After I calmed down, we still had some fun, but somehow every time I saw one of my friends smile, I had to keep myself from bursting into tears. And this didn’t just happen only that day. In the last few weeks, I cried over the smallest inconveniences, watching videos of others having fun together, and even nothing. One of my friends says it‘s just a symptom of puberty, but I never saw others in my age go do what I‘m experiencing." ] }, { "feature_id": 2150, "label": "Frustration with medical invalidation and the perceived inadequacy of healthcare systems.", "pearson_r": 0.3806245463359552, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.04851365797075079, "mean_pos": 3.9149255752563477, "top_texts": [ "But I also have other smaller illnesses that I feel like could be solved if the doctors weren’t just satisfied with throwing pills at it. And those are the types that I’m talking about.", "Dismissive Doctors (Trigger Warning?) **Note: I hope this post doesn't break any rules, and if it has, I apologise. I can amend the post as needed, or I guess you can just deleted it. Also worth noting: I live in the UK, so healthcare is \"free\" (socialised) here. I think that's probably important to mention.**\n\nI wish I didn't feel that doctors as fundamentally bad and untrustworthy because I really need help, for multiple issues, but I can't bring myself to try asking for help again because last time (and times before that) I wasn't listened to, or taken seriously. I *can't* put myself through that again, or even put myself in the position of it possibly happening again. It is so humiliating to ask for help and to not be taken seriously, and to actually be assertive, and still not be listened to, respected, and taken seriously. It's so fucking painful to be dismissed like that, and I cannot go through it again. I will not. \n\n*Rationally* I know that not at ALL doctors are arrogant or dismissive, but that's been my experience with them more than once now, and considering how sensitive I am, even once is too much for me to handle. So even though I rationally know this, I can't bring myself to try again. Are my emotions controlling me, or maybe I'm just being stubborn? I don't know. \n\nSo what'll happen? I guess I will suffer, alone, until the day I die – whether at my own hand, probably within the next 10 years, or alone, of old age, having lived a pathetic, unfulfilled life. If I get worse, and I probably will, and things eventually reach a crisis point with my mental health, I will **not** allow them to \"help\" me. Honestly, I hate the power imbalance: they can force you to get help, but you can't force them to help you. You can ask for help, but they can just dismiss you. They can ask, but if you say \"no\", they're able to force you to do as they wish, if *they* deem it necessary... but if *you say* that you have a problem? You're not to be taken seriously, of course. You're not a doctor. Your opinion doesn't matter.\n\nI suppose I'm just bitter. I've fantasised many times about hurting myself or allowing myself to get ill just to scare them. To 'get back' at them. To spite them. To be able to say \"no\" to *them*, when they try to \"help\" me, because why should I let them just because THEY want to and because it's convenient for *them*, but when *I* ask for help? I'm basically told to get fucked. When I ask for help and need help, I am not helped. I am not even taken seriously. I am made to feel like such a burden. **Important to note: I most likely won't hurt myself to 'get back' at them, but I do fantasise about it a lot. Though I suppose by avoiding doctors, I am allowing myself to get more ill.** \n\nPart me doesn't want to get worse, obviously, which is why I wish I could ask for help, but I can't. I can't because I hate doctors, because they're rude, and dismissive, and arrogant, and they don't care. I feel like they're deliberately dismissing me to tempt me to hurt myself? (As strange as it sounds.) It's almost like they're challenging me to prove that I \"really\" have a problem. I certainly feel like I have something to prove. I hate that they basically allow you to get worse before they're even willing to help you. In America, doctors only care about one thing: making money. In the UK? They only care about saving money. They don't care about patients (or even patient preferences, in my experience). \n\nSo, they want to save money? I'll save them money! **I'll never see a doctor ever again, for any reason, whatsoever.** That's pretty much what I've been doing for almost 2 years now. (One exception was to get vaccinations, but I didn't need to interact with any doctors to do that, and I think being vaccinated is important).It was my 20th birthday yesterday. I wonder how mich more of my life will be lost to mental health problems. Sorry if this is incoherent and too rant-y, and again, I hope it brakes no rules. ", "And totally relate on the empty life part. For the past five years it’s just been nothing but medical stuff" ] }, { "feature_id": 1803, "label": "The feature represents the successful attainment of symptom management and positive functional recovery through therapeutic intervention.", "pearson_r": 0.4636993259067953, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.05467737166511247, "mean_pos": 3.432055711746216, "top_texts": [ "It didn't fix everything, but it allowed me to deal with the underlying issues without being harassed constantly by a voice telling me to murder people.", "It's not like it's a magical cure but I've been able to deal with it much better since that therapy.", "As a result I no longer need any medicine and therapy. \nI am happier, more focused and look far better than I ever thought I would." ] }, { "feature_id": 9691, "label": "The feature represents the emotional and logistical stress associated with residential transitions and cohabitation dynamics.", "pearson_r": 0.669063389144035, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.03932494825664703, "mean_pos": 4.718505859375, "top_texts": [ "However, I've vaguely brought it up before and she said that she wants to also invest one day. My gut feeling is that she's comfortable if we both pay rent and lose money, but might feel weird if one person is benefitting and the other person is not. Unfortunately, I'm 99% sure on my stance that I will either live at home or move out when I can invest in my own place, and I'm not sure how to tell her. --- **tl;dr**: Friend wants to rent an apartment together, but I'm getting cold feet.", "Is this normal? Just finished moving and feeling really sad Moved up the street literally from one apartment to another. Didn’t want to leave my previous apartment and now I’m sad. I think I’m also sad because didn’t have a great move in.\n\nThe apartment was dirty (balls of hair all around the corner of my room and dirty patio) and I’m paying a steep price for it. It’s in a posh area and a nice new apartment. \n\nThere was another thing that happened at the new place that left a bad taste in my mouth. One of the leasing agents was rude to my mother. \n\nI didn’t want to start my new journey like this. \nI’m also really sad to see my old place go. \n\nAm I jinxed?", "So I'm moving out by August 23rd. I found a potential roommate who seems super nice and I'm meeting up with her soon at a boba shop to talk and get to know eachother!\nI'm so nervous to move out I'm ngl. I've never been on my own before. I just turned 20 so it's all new but I know I have to get out soon. My family makes me miserable. I also have to tell them I'm moving out. I have yet to do that at all yet. I don't know what my mom's going to think of it. I've thought it all through a million times though and I know I'm making the right decision and I know what I'm doing. Just I need advice on maybe how to move out, tell them properly, also budgeting...lmk your thoughts!\nhttps://reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/1kjngd6/tips_for_moving_out_and_telling_abusive_family/" ] }, { "feature_id": 2033, "label": "The feature represents the discussion and personal use of psychedelic substances.", "pearson_r": 0.5711864440869734, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.0344804057588646, "mean_pos": 5.364038944244385, "top_texts": [ "I’ve always had great experiences on shrooms and LCD. I’ve had worse experiences with thc edibles than I do with psychedelics lol", "Psychedelics = I've never had any moments while tripping that felt enlightening tbh. Tripping is very fun, watching the world melt around me is fun, and while I do feel pretty good and have a lot of fun on them I've never \"spoken to God\" or DMT elves or whatever. Acid makes me feel fried afterwards, I haven't done any acid in years and idk if I'd do it again. Shrooms are fun and they don't make me feel fried the day after so I'd do them again. Peyote/mescaline is the only psychedelic I did that felt enlightening, I plan on doing it again in the next few months. It's more euphoric than acid or shrooms.", "Psychedelics for depression? I’m at the lowest point I’ve ever been in life right now and I’m thinking about buying LSD or Shrooms in an attempt to “cure” myself, so I’m wondering if anyone has tried it for depression and what the results were, did it help or make it worse and what was the trip like?" ] }, { "feature_id": 2472, "label": "The feature identifies inquiries regarding personal experiences with specific psychiatric treatments or therapeutic interventions.", "pearson_r": 0.5288472754268226, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.050992790047080766, "mean_pos": 3.603574514389038, "top_texts": [ "Does anyone have experience with EMDR? My therapist is going to start doing emdr with me next week and I was wondering what any of your experiences have been like? Did it help at all? Thanks! ", "For those who’ve done psychedelics: What effect did they have on you? Did you enjoy it? What were your thoughts like? Anything really", "Anyone have experience with Citalopram? Hey! Curious if anyone on here has tried Citalopram and if they had any luck with it?" ] }, { "feature_id": 2335, "label": "The feature represents the use of movies and television as a coping mechanism or distraction strategy for managing mental health challenges.", "pearson_r": 0.562543950463012, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.03564036663861533, "mean_pos": 5.134160995483398, "top_texts": [ "Anyone else dive into movies/tv when theyre feeling low? I'm a big movie buff, and I ever since I was a teenager, escaping into movieland was my go-to way of dealing (or in fact, *avoiding*) with life, depressed or not.\n\nWhen I grew up and realized the extent of my anxiety and depression, I looked at some movies/TV a bit differently. \n\nMy main favorite shows are cartoons, and my all time favorite is Futurama. When I put in any of the seasons, I feel like I'm home. Not totally metaphorically either - the actual settings (like the Planet Express building interiors) make me feel more comfortable.\n\nDoes that make sense to anyone? Does anyone else have a movie or show they feel this way about?", "How do you get yourself to start watching a TV show or movie with ADHD? In my personal experience, I have a hard time getting myself to actually start watching something new, even if I genuinely want to watch it. I am a film major, and I'm *really* trying now more than ever to get myself into watching new shows and movies to broaden my horizons. \n\nOnce I manage to get myself to start watching something, I can usually watch it all the way through, it's just making the conscious decision to watch something different that intimidates me. I usually end up scrolling through YouTube instead of picking something to watch. \n\nHas anybody else struggled with this? If so, how have you gotten past it?", "Recommendations for distracting movies/tv shows? Hi friends,\n\nLooking for recommendations for captivating tv shows or movies to watch during depressive episodes. Things that “hook me in” or captivate me. \n\nWhen I’m depressed most TV puts bores me and I lose track of movies. Looking for things to watch during those bad days that i can somehow follow or track without just feeling dead inside" ] }, { "feature_id": 7598, "label": "The feature represents the personal experience and clinical management of Adderall usage for ADHD.", "pearson_r": 0.8029499972998397, "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947, "freq": 0.024836809425250756, "mean_pos": 7.353395462036133, "top_texts": [ "How’s Adderall work for y’all? My neurologist prescribed me Adderall for my ADD, and I was curious how it works for you all?", "Will working out after I take my adderall cause anything negative? I've very recently been diagnosed with ADD, and prescribed adderall to treat it. I've had no negative symptoms from it so far (besides constipation, but I've been told thats normal lol). Before my diagnosis I was working out pretty regularly, but I haven't been recently because I didn't know if that would be a good idea to do after just taking my medication in the morning? Adderall doesn't increase my heart rate or anything, but should I talk to my doctor before I start doing cardio again?", "Adderall - Feeling low and depressed once Adderall wears off, don't know what to do Hello,\n\nI recently started Adderall for ADHD, my psychiatrist hasn't reached a final diagnosis but we are trying Adderall for now to see if it works. He says it's either ADHD or depression.\n\nI'm taking 5mg twice a day, the Adderall helps me focus more and makes it to where I can actually function during the day. \n\nBut at the end of the day I get really really depressed and a little paranoid, I feel more depressed than I had in the past and I know the crash is coming each day. I know I should tell my psychiatrist but my next appointment isn't for over a month and I don't want to call my psychiatrist since it's only been a week, but it's been rough.\n\n I wanted to know if this is normal what I'm experiencing if it's worth telling my psychiatrist. I want to stop feeling like this, but I don't want him to take me off of the Adderall because it's made me feel so much better during the day and I'm worried if I bring it up to him he will.\n\nTLDR; Once Adderall wears off I feel depressed and low, don't know if this is normal or bad, don't know what to expect from the psychiatrist if I bring it up or if it's worth it" ] }, { "feature_id": 3143, "label": "The feature represents the subjective evaluation or ranking of people, experiences, or entities using superlative language.", "pearson_r": 0.6787863089679407, "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947, "freq": 0.04592080423954329, "mean_pos": 3.9756600856781006, "top_texts": [ "To me the best pairing I've personally had was with someone that appeared to have *mild* positive symptoms of schizophrenia.", "Det bedste du kan gøre at at sørge for din egen redningsbåd", "Then my NPD brain kicks in and I'm like \"Well objectively, there is a best person out there for me, and that would be considered my soulmate. Even if finding them is unrealistic there still is a best person. And why should I settle for anything less?\"" ] }, { "feature_id": 3037, "label": "The difficulty or process of articulating and validating one's internal mental health experiences to others.", "pearson_r": 0.5052030537546389, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.04678508881661246, "mean_pos": 3.85526442527771, "top_texts": [ "How to explain depression How do you explain depression to someone who just doesn’t get it or understand it at all? ", "How do you explain depression to someone who cannot understand? I've struggled with depression for over 10 years and I feel pretty good for the most part right now. But sometimes I just suddenly get sad. I can be having a really good day and then something small happens and I lose my energy. My bf cannot understand this for the life of him. He understands sadness when it's something that makes sense to be sad about. But when I'm just sad, he just can't seem to get it. He deals with sadness by ignoring it and playing video games. Therefore, I think he's a little \"stunted\" emotionally. How can I get him to understand how I feel?", "But it does take two to communicate. I realized at some point that if I wanted people to understand what was going on with me, I had to explain it to them. And to do that I first had to understand it myself." ] }, { "feature_id": 2996, "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding the pharmacological management of mental health conditions through specific psychiatric medications.", "pearson_r": 0.9742740539909239, "pred_f1": 1.0, "freq": 0.04169035867809948, "mean_pos": 4.287381172180176, "top_texts": [ "I've heard it's less activating and more calming than Zoloft, as it's the most serotonin selective. I've also heard Trazodone may be an option, for someone who wants SSRI-like-effects without any activation. Additionally, my Psych doctor mentioned Gabapentin as a way to directly target anxiety without any of the long-term concerns of daily benzo use. (though I've read it's not without its own drawbacks.) Obviously, this wouldn't have any serotonergic effect, but could be a good alternative to the Xanax.", "Benzodiazepin is a sedative, not antipsychotic as far as I remember.", "Wellbutrin for ADHD? Hey there everyone, \nI was just curious if anyone has any experience using Wellbutrin for the symptoms of ADHD. I have Bipolar Disorder so stimulants that are usually used to treat ADHD like Adderall and Ritalin are dangerous for me to take. As a result, my psychiatrist is prescribing Wellbutrin instead. I read a lot of positive reviews online (and some negative) but was wondering if anyone on here had any feedback! Thanks." ] }, { "feature_id": 8284, "label": "The feature captures the cycle of self-sabotaging interpersonal behavior driven by the fear of abandonment or the belief that one is a burden to others.", "pearson_r": 0.4739760677385579, "pred_f1": 0.7, "freq": 0.059772101803625445, "mean_pos": 2.963545322418213, "top_texts": [ "Finding reasons to be sad and down I've met a wonderful girl, she's absolutely incredible and I've never known anyone treat me with such kindness and patience when I get down and lose myself in my own head. But it's almost like it's too good, and I keep finding reasons to pick at things, things that shouldn't upset me, or hurt me but for some reason I convince myself they should, it's self destructive but I can't stop, I know I'm overreacting, and it feels like the longer things go great, the worse my reaction is, and I'm pushing away my chance at happiness because my brain has decided I don't deserve it, and keeps finding ways for me to pluck out a reason to feel hurt. Has anyone else experienced this? THe finding things to be upset about because actually in hindsight things are going really well?", "I tend to just make my friends mad on purpose and start arguments. I don't know why I do it. I just hope it'll get them to get tired of me and leave me alone honestly. I start arguments all the time with a few of my friends on purpose. Anyone else do this?\nhttps://reddit.com/r/BPD/comments/1mi6xc5/ruining_friendships_on_purpose/", "alone time whenever I have a drastic mood swing, I just prefer to be alone to simply not mess up other peoples day and wait for that mood swing to go away. I found it helps me, because once I regain clear thinking, there's no words that shouldn't have been said, and no actions that shouldn't have been done, but some people around me don't understand it... how should I tell them that I'm doing it for my own good?" ] }, { "feature_id": 1458, "label": "The feature represents the experience of anhedonia or emotional detachment regarding personal achievements and external success.", "pearson_r": 0.6169157103214128, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.04528396297222917, "mean_pos": 3.8938493728637695, "top_texts": [ "Feeling like a Failure Using a throwaway:\nI was a college athlete who competed countless times on a national level, graduated with honors with two degrees in undergrad and a minor in a foreign language, and became a member of one of the greatest military organizations on the planet. My goal was to never be a special forces, high-speed low-drag operator. Just a man who wanted to lead warriors, whether that be on the battlefield or in everyday life. Now, since going through training, I sustained a debilitating injury that causes pain to even walk. I struggle through my days and, because of this injury, the job I wanted since I was young has slipped away because I can't perform physically any more. Having been athletic my whole life, I feel like part of my identity has been stripped from me. \n\nDoctors have told me this isn't something that can be fixed without surgery, if that surgery even works. Now, I'll be doing a different job but I'm not sure if I'll be granted the time off to pursue a surgical option, all while being forced into physically demanding training with a chronic injury. I feel cornered and there's no hope for a resolution. There's no desire to work, exercise, or even to do mundane things like play video games. Nothing seems to bring joy with it. Every activity or event I participate in just feels like a failure, especially things like running that I used to be good at. That sunken feeling of being inadequate never seems to go away. I'm not sure if anyone will read this but I just want to convey my thoughts.", "My successes doesn't feel rewarding. I'm sorry in advance if I sound like a snob or an insensitive person for mentioning achievements and successes considering not everyone fared well in their personal pursuits.\n\nA few years back, I was lucky enough to be accepted by a boarding school where every parent wished their child could study. There, I got all A's in my country's equivalent of SAT exams and got a scholarship as a result. During this scholarship, I did another exam and passed it well enough to be able to extend my scholarship and soon study overseas.\n\nYou would think after all of this I would be happy and proud. I thought so too.\n \nAfter getting the results, I felt empty. I got what everyone my age was aiming for and a life-changing opportunity but why do I feel like I still lost? Where is that gratification and sense of victory that everyone was hyping up about? Why am feeling sad and not happy instead? \n\nCurrently, I'm at home and I only leave if my family drags me out for an outing. All my friends live far so I can't meet up with them. I can only wait for the flight and a new set of academic hurdles but this time alone in a foreign country with even higher expectations.", "I feel no sense of accomplishment. Here is the thing, through my life I have done many things that people would consider amazing to achieve. But yet no matter what I do, no matter how many people think its great. I simply feel no sense of pride or accomplishment from any of my achievements. It's like I'm completely numb to it.\n\nDoes anyone have that problem where they know they have accomplished many things, but you can't really feel anything? Or you always think you could have done better?" ] }, { "feature_id": 4077, "label": "The feature identifies concerns regarding legal systems, police involvement, and criminal justice processes.", "pearson_r": 0.3855347779061461, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.03937043691859804, "mean_pos": 4.472953796386719, "top_texts": [ "If i've been detained by the police and taken to hospital, will it show up on my criminal record? I want to study to work with little kids. But i'm scared all the times the police have handcuffed me will show up on my screening. I've been taken to hospital by police 12 times in one year so if this shows up, i'll have no chance at the job I want :(", "Don’t worry there are 3 police cases “in process.” But it is very sad how hard you have to fight to get REAL advocacy from the police for domestic violence, even with all the evidence in the world and they just drag their feet. I mean the violent incident with the gun happened almost a year ago! Where is the JUSTICE in this system of ours?! I hope to find some soon, starting with Wednesday. But I’m JUST SO SCARED to have to see him again!", "Ask a local representative for help? What are some steps I can take that I haven't yet? I'm scared, and so .... almost annoyed of dealing with this, he was served a protective order way back in October 2017. Also...how has he repeatedly had so much success with the police? It honestly baffles me, which is why I wonder whether he's paying them off (he told me he'd done this while we were together, although that could've been a fear tactic)." ] }, { "feature_id": 4378, "label": "The feature represents the concept of social support and interpersonal connection as a resource for mental well-being.", "pearson_r": 0.8984516498719949, "pred_f1": 0.9090909090909091, "freq": 0.037255214137876136, "mean_pos": 4.702802658081055, "top_texts": [ "Please know you have support which ever you choose. And to choose for you.", "Social support is a strong predictor of both mental and physical health, so the results of this study are not too surprising to me.", "Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. We're happy to be your friends, and again, are here to support you no matter what's going on. We love you!!!" ] }, { "feature_id": 5531, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of religious belief, spiritual experience, and their impact on mental health or psychological well-being.", "pearson_r": 0.5514658894543069, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.03227420565424068, "mean_pos": 5.417317867279053, "top_texts": [ "Religion As a Crutch For Motivation Hey everyone, \n\nSo I tried looking around and couldn't really find anyone else talking about this, but about a week ago I was thinking about whatever it may have been, but it led to me being curious about checking out a service one Sunday at one of the local Christian churches in my area. \nI hear all these stories from my grandparents and uncle (very Christian) about how God has helped them in their lives, and my whole life I've always found it kinda dumb or whatever, and now all the sudden when I'm 18 I started thinking about how I'm at a point right now where my girlfriend just moved about a 45 minute drive away (I don't have my license yet unfortunately, gotta love ADHD), but I love how much motivation she gives me to improve myself. \nJust realized I've been rambling on, but anyways what I'm trying to say is have any of you looked to religion as a source of motivation? Like the idea of building a relationship with God, and believing that he's watching over you because that thought kinda gives me this feeling like if there's something I need to do, and he's watching over me, I should just do whatever it is that I need to get done because he's watching over me and guiding me or whatever. Not really sure what I'm talking about because like I said, all my life I've thought going to church and believing in a God was kinda dumb, and I always hated having to go to church when my family and I were visiting my grandparents, but I'm kinda just lost as to where I wanna go with my life. \nSorry for the rambling but I'm just not really sure what I'm talking about, but if anyone understands and has some feedback it'd be greatly appreciated.\n\nTl;dr does anyone here follow a religion to find motivation to do things they don't want to, because your God is always watching over you and guiding you?", "Anyone MORE religious when they're on medication? I found a great deal of healing by following Episcopalian Christianity and \"finding Jesus,\" specifically a Jesus that wasn't trying to send me to Hell but rather help and heal me in ways that I cannot fathom.\n\nBut I noticed a cycle. Near the end of the month, when my injection wears off, I become very angry at God and disbelieving. My psychosis is tied directly to the belief of hell, and there is a negative correlation between my belief in hell and my belief in God. So when I'm psychotic, I think I'm going to Hell (or possibly am already in Hell) despite not being religious and not believing in God.\n\nWhich makes me wonder--did the antipsychotic CAUSE the belief in God or did the illness cause the disbelief? It's a chicken and egg situation, in a way. Which came first, my recovery, or the belief in Jesus? Did my belief cause my recovery or did my recovery cause my belief?\n\nAnyone have any similar situation?\n\nThank you for reading.", "Cause it’s fun. I don’t believe in the Christian god or stick strictly to any one established religion. Though I really enjoy Hindu interpretations of gods. For me I believe in at least some sort of beings in other dimensions or other realms, I believe there are entities we can’t always see or see at all, and to me that is the “god” I’m communicating with. I don’t think it’s necessarily controlling everything that happens here but more like it’s a bigger part of me, an extension of this realm, and the elements of nature and universe as a whole that I am seeking connection with. I don’t see my “god” or “gods” as really having anything to do with morals and I don’t think it’s gods job to prevent humans from doing bad things or to prevent us from going through hardships. To me, it’s a way of coping that I don’t think is harmful until people start trying to control other people with religion. I’ve felt things and experienced things that just don’t feel random and it’s more fun to think that it was “god” rather than not. I went through my “more rational than thou” atheist phase and it just feels better to me to consider something bigger than myself. I wasn’t even raised religious." ] }, { "feature_id": 1946, "label": "The feature represents the pharmacological management and side-effect profile of Vyvanse.", "pearson_r": 0.47525815977140473, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.02422271248891214, "mean_pos": 7.151581764221191, "top_texts": [ "Does Vyvanse increases anyone's libido like me? I take Vyvanse and my libido is through the roof and can distract me from other things. ", "Vyvanse and caffeine?. Just curious as started taking vyvanse and dex. In the evening for late class and ir for three to five hours and is my odd Red Bull or coffee going to be a issue?. Emmab", "I figured out how to lessen my vyvanse comedown Making sure I’m well-fed and hydrated has helped IMMENSELY. As long as I eat at least 2 higher-protein meals (for me, brunch around 11am and dinner around 6pm) and snack throughout the day, I don’t crash to the point where I either don’t want to do anything or interact with anyone! \n\nI had read online that high-protein meals around the time u take your vyvanse makes it work better and not so intensely. (I hope it’s not against the rules to say that!)\n\nIt’s nice not having to suddenly disappear from my friends after 8pm because I don’t want to and for fear of snapping at them/being generally unpleasant. :)" ] }, { "feature_id": 2221, "label": "The feature represents a state of profound existential exhaustion and pervasive fatigue with the effort of daily living.", "pearson_r": 0.6802321131613596, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.047899561034412175, "mean_pos": 3.591717004776001, "top_texts": [ "Tired of fighting I’m tired. \n\nI’m tired of resisting the urge to stay in my bed every morning. I’m tired of trying to make myself look semi presentable. I’m tired of going to work and spending hours on tedious, meaningless work. I’m tired sitting in class but not absorbing anything the lecturer is saying. Im tired not having any motivation. I’m tired of trying to find a sense of purpose. I’m tired of caring. \n\nThere’s plenty more things out there that I’m tired of and tired about; but today I’m tired of fighting.", "I'm tired.. I'm tired of feeling lonely.\n\nI'm tired of feeling sad.\n\nI'm tired of trying.\n\nI'm tired of people saying it's gonna be okay.\n\nI'm tired of just **everything**. \n\nI just want to be someone that can be accepted, and not have to worry about every single little thing with a million thoughts going through my head.", "I'm tired Tired of hurting my loved ones. Tired of dealing with being upset with others and myself... being emotionally drained...I feel like a burden to others and I feel like an excuse of human being. \n\nI am tired. Just make the pain go away. " ] }, { "feature_id": 2347, "label": "The feature represents the social and psychological dimensions of humor, including its use as a coping mechanism, social performance, and interpersonal anxiety.", "pearson_r": 0.5086053837821545, "pred_f1": 0.5333333333333333, "freq": 0.03664111720153752, "mean_pos": 4.476675987243652, "top_texts": [ "Peronally, I've been told I'm funny and have a dry sense of humor. When it comes to others jokes, I have more trouble thinking people are laughing at me or there are hidden meanings in their jokes than being uninterested all together.", "I know I laugh wholeheartedly at some of Michael McIntyre's shows and when I saw Jigsaw by Daniel Sloss. I think I like clever and dark humor the most. I fake-laugh a lot socially, out of \"pity\" or maybe sympathy? Maybe everyone does this. \nRecently though, I've realized I fake-laugh when I'm watching some show - completely alone in my living room - and something \"funny\" happens/they say some joke. Sympathy laughs? I have to laugh or else I'll hurt them? Or maybe it's just an internalized habit by now. Very weird anyway. Otherwise - I don't laugh that much.", "You know why you are not funny? Coz to being funny one basically ridicule themselves, which is probably one of your biggest fear. Yes comedian can make clever thoughtful jokes but in normal conversatiopn with regular people the one telling the jokes generally says something ridiculous or so silly or crass that enact a paradoxical response from the audience. He's not silly, he's pretending to be silly, he puts himself at the mercy of the others without feeling shame or ridicule. So you're not funny coz you are inherently incapable of making jokes but because you are afraid other will see you as inferior." ] }, { "feature_id": 5871, "label": "The feature represents the theme of seeking or identifying external sources of kindness, hope, and positive human connection.", "pearson_r": 0.575943456377007, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.048331703322946756, "mean_pos": 3.3639705181121826, "top_texts": [ "Don’t worry not everyone is like that, eventually you’ll find some kindhearted people", "This is such a sad outlook on life, I am sorry for whatever happened to make you feel this way, and I hope you one day find yourself surrounded by kind and genuinely happy people. They are out there. ❤️", "We need more kindhearted people in the world... You know, there are a lot of really good people in this world. There are millionaires giving away money to less fortunate people, there are heroes who’s main job is to save the lives of others, and there are people who just like to make the world a happier place.\nHowever, there also seems to be an even greater number of people who simply don’t care. One thing that seems to depress me the most is the fact that there are SO many people that have zero regard for the people around them. It pains me to see so many people get hurt or end up in terrible places due to the sole fact that someone was so caught up in their own little world that it ruined someone else’s day.\nBasically, I just wish more people knew how to be considerate of others around them. If someone is already very close to the end, one little thing could be the deciding factor, and the other person may never know what they had done and the outcome of said action.\nI’m infinitely grateful for those of you who are understanding and caring. You guys are what makes this world slightly more survivable. If you haven’t yet today, make someone smile, even if it’s just yourself. This world is a harsh place, the least we can do is be kind to ourselves and each other." ] }, { "feature_id": 3747, "label": "The feature represents anticipatory anxiety and coping strategies related to upcoming stressful events.", "pearson_r": 0.5482835435184107, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.04371460413491937, "mean_pos": 3.691164970397949, "top_texts": [ "Maybe hold your pee in the morning and arrive as soon as they open? Most of all just relax and breathe?", "If I go to an interview for example, I'll know that I'm a good candidate, I'll know that if I don't get it there will always be other opportunities and it's no big deal. Yet I still get nervous because it's something that I want, I want that employer to like me. If I go to an interview with no expectations at all, not even wanting the job (I've done this a few times for practice interviewing), it'll turn out great. What are your thoughts on this? Edit: FYI I'm talking mostly about social anxiety, though it has happened that I get anxiety in the most random places like just going upstairs in a building.", "This SUCKS, we're booking plane tickets next Wednesday and half of me is ecstatic but the anxious half of me is dreading it. I need to figure out how to calm all this anticipatory anxiety so I can just let myself enjoy my relationship, the excitement leading up to our trip, and even the trip itself (although I feel like once I'm there I'll be fine)! This is the same anxiety that has stopped me before, and I am NOT letting it stop me again. To anybody who's experienced this before, what tips or strategies can you give me to help overcome it? TL;DR- Very anxious about upcoming trip because I'm afraid of being trapped/away from the comfort of my home, to the point where it's affecting other parts of my life, how do I get over the anticipatory anxiety so I can enjoy myself?" ] }, { "feature_id": 9662, "label": "The theme is the identification with and discussion of Schizoid Personality Disorder.", "pearson_r": 0.4945353550468402, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.028134737416698887, "mean_pos": 5.661757946014404, "top_texts": [ "2. I don't understand how others feel about me. As a schizoid, it's not just that I don't understand myself but because of that I can't understand others feelings towards me.", "I like schizoid as its etymology fits perfectly: **skhizein** (greek) meaning split, **eidos** meaning form - or better yet **id** meaning the most basic part of your personality according to Freud (according to google, do not ask me about any of this lol. My psychologist who diagnosed me explained schizoid as \"split ego\" or \"split self\", which I think fits very well).", "I first noticed my schizoid-ness around age 12, I suppose when my capacity for self reflection kicked in. Not that I knew it was Schizoid at the time. But it was all certainly already there. I had a controlling, emotionally abusive, narcissistic mother, which is where I think it originated. I detached in childhood to stay psychologically safe. I am 47 now. I got married and had kids, but only because I thought that would make me more \"normal\". I hoped it would somehow let me feel and connect. It didn't. So after separation, I went to therapy. Deep, psychodynamic therapy. I thought that would fix it. Well, it didn't. If anything, it exacerbated it and highlighted how immense my deficits are. And before you ask, I'm a psychiatrist specialising in complex trauma. I know the theories, and I know myself pretty well. I used to think Schizoid PD was treatable. I'm not so sure now. I'm as isolated, detached, misunderstood and reliant on my fantasy world as I ever was. I have no desire for another relationship ever, am largely asexual, and I have a number of acquaintances (not friends) that wear me out but I keep in touch with in case I have an emergency e.g. car accident and need help at the hospital. I'd like to just keep working until I die, or suicide if I become too unwell to work. That's it." ] }, { "feature_id": 3180, "label": "The feature represents the struggle with executive dysfunction and perfectionism in the context of creative or academic writing.", "pearson_r": 0.7038556983051973, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.031682853048877566, "mean_pos": 5.012993812561035, "top_texts": [ "My experience with writing Writing is hell. I struggle to think of words to write. It takes me hours to write because I obsess over every sentence. A normal person could type out a page of words in less than an hour whereas it often takes me up to 3 hours to write that much. Why? I constantly delete sentences because I don’t like the phrasing or I worry about how my words will come across to whoever reads them. Does anyone else feel like this? (btw I haven’t been diagnosed yet so I’m not sure if have ADHD). ", "How do I get back into writing with ADHD? Ever since I was in 2nd grade I loved writing fiction. I hit my peak around eighth grade where we would practice fiction writing and I would write short stories that were frequently complimented. Writing was one of the few things I was really good at. \n\nNow it feels like I need Adderall to motivate me to write. I don’t know whether it’s because I don’t have someone providing me tools to write or it’s just that I’ve lost my way but I can’t write a story anymore. \n\nI have an idea of the type of characters, timeline, plot, etc I want to write about. I just don’t know how to put it in writing if that makes sense. But when I’m on Adderall I can write 10 pages no problem but the second it wears off I lost my motivation. \n\nIt’s sad too because it’s the only thing I was ever really good at and enjoyed.", "Thanks for the response. I bet your reading habits grant you a wide vocabulary in English and Danish.\n\nThe StPD is definitely helpful for idea generation and for making new connections. Though it's obviously terrible to experience those attacks, it's great that the rest of the time it doesn't affect your writing - or if it does it does so in a positive way.\n\nSometimes I have a great deal of trouble thinking and writing in order and that can leave me with a lot of weak connections, gaps, and leaps. I've always written stories and essays in a sort of snowball format and it's a nightmare trying to tie it all together at the end. I always wondered if that was a StPD thing.\n\nOccasionally when I have a mild StPD attack, I end up writing something almost incoherent without even realising how it looks to people reading it. It's much easier to do by writing than face to face because you don't have that immediate feedback. When I come back later it's quite embarrassing. It makes me doubt the way I write all of the time.\n\nI hope you will be able to take up your writing again soon, when you are ready!" ] }, { "feature_id": 3227, "label": "The feature captures the experience of chronic rumination, regret, and the desire to undo or change past decisions.", "pearson_r": 0.5804787670081302, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.05024222712488912, "mean_pos": 3.157698392868042, "top_texts": [ "Does anyone else sometimes feel that almost every decision they made was the wrong one. Lots of times I'll find myself ruminating about situations where I could have spoken up or said something differently. And usually what I come up with in my mind is/sounds 100 percent better than what I actually did. And then of course I'm stuck feeling depressed in the end, sometimes wishing for a time machine or a portal to the past to appear just so I could redo those things.", "I wish my inner voice and gut was clearer. Half of me is screaming to stay and half of me is screaming to leave.", "I miss having so few obstacles in my life path to my goals & so many possible opportunities to achieve those goals." ] }, { "feature_id": 9304, "label": "The feature represents the therapeutic role of pets as a source of emotional support and coping for mental health struggles.", "pearson_r": 0.4380573856559815, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.023267450587940955, "mean_pos": 6.7968926429748535, "top_texts": [ "I’ve wanted a dog for the longest time, has it helped any of you? I feel directionless. I’m haunted by a traumatic past I can’t change, and indifferent for a future I don’t care about. \n\nI’ve always wanted my own dog, a being that I can care for unconditionally, and give me purpose. My family has been against the idea, I still live at home.\n\nI feel like I need this more than ever, have any of you sought a pet for companionship during troubled times? ", "Before I go I just wanted to share a story with anyone who would read it. I’ve been living with depression for over 4 years now. I lost something very special to me, my dog, Dari, and he was the sweetest boi there was. He had the softest pointy ears. He was a sucker for a belly rub and huge big paws, but still gentle. When I was going through hard times like I am today. I would always lie beside him and he would lick my tears away. Like he knew what I was going through. \n\nHe became an old boy but He fell ill and my family were worried but kind of kept on keeping my spirit high saying everything will be alright. I was only 15 at the time and was just about to go on holiday with my little sister and my mum with her friend and there daughter. I had spent the days before in my room with him in my single bed crushed against the wall because that was actually his bed considering he was a massive Doberman (who wouldn’t hurt a fly) you’d think he could have at least shared “my” bed. We watched all the seasons of Brooklyn99. \n\nThe day I was leaving for the airport I went to his cage where he lay there just looking at me. He looked in pain, empty. I had never seen him like that before. I just knew something wasn’t right. I gave him a cuddle and lots of kisses but he didn’t react in the way he would like before. I was sad but I understood he was sore, I gently stroked him and said I love you. On holiday I kept asking my dad at home how he was and he reassured he was okay. I wish I didn’t have to leave him. A long two weeks had passed and I was finally on my way home. I asked my sisters boyfriend if Dari was okay but he just wouldn’t answer. I knew. I just knew. \n\n\nI got home and his cage was empty. He was gone. I broke down then and there, I couldn’t move. I had a pain in my heart like there something missing. And there was. \n\nWhen he got put down, he had a big slab of meat and cheesecake for dessert. Life hasn’t been the same ever since. But before I go I just want to share one thing. If I have learned anything in life it would be cherish your dogs because they are a part of your life but you are their whole life. You never know when their last belly rub will be. [my boy♥️](https://i.imgur.com/MASWzwi.jpg)", "My Dog I've had my dog since 2008. I got her from an Ex girlfriend who I was dating at the time. She has been with me since then, when ever I come home she is the first to great me, wagging her tail and running around and barking at me obviously excited that I was home. I would reach down and let her and tell her how much I missed her. No matter what time it was she was always waiting by the front door. She would follow me around everywhere I went. She was very afraid of loud noises and would follow me into the bathroom when I would shower on New Years Eve or the 4th of July. Last year she developed a tumor on her back, I ended up taking her to the Vet to have it removed. It ended up being cancer, they removed it but said it could return. She made a full recovery and seemed to be in high spirits. A few weeks back she developed a hacking cough and was having trouble eating. She then developed another tumor on her butt. She stopped eating and has no energy. It hurts so bad to see her like this. I know what I must do but cant bring myself to do it. My father and my older sister just took her to the Vet to have her put down. I knew this day would come and know she has been in pain but I cant stop crying. I miss her already and I hope she knows how much I love her, and how hard it is to let her go. I'm so sorry Chispita. " ] }, { "feature_id": 2825, "label": "The feature represents the process and experience of undergoing formal psychological or neuropsychological diagnostic testing.", "pearson_r": 0.4798531044967155, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.033752587167648465, "mean_pos": 4.648757457733154, "top_texts": [ "Much like everyone else, I had a psychologist evaluation and then took a two-hour long personality test with 500+ questions.", "I have an 8 hour psychological test tomorrow. If any of you have taken it, I’d like to ask a couple of questions. My doctor has been treating me with Adderall already for like a month before the testing. Do I need to take the medicine before the test?\n\nWhat was it like after the testing? Did you talk to your doctor about a treatment plan? Did they test for ADHD only or multiple things? \n\n", "What test is this? If it's not being done by a psychologist, psychiatrist, or neuropsych then I'd say don't worry until you see a real provider. If you are experiencing distressing symptoms, it would be a good idea to reach out to one about valid testing." ] }, { "feature_id": 8030, "label": "The feature represents the expression of emotional distress through creative, metaphorical, or poetic writing.", "pearson_r": 0.4768179966867344, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.039142993608843, "mean_pos": 3.9856245517730713, "top_texts": [ "Dark Rooms I'm lying down in a dark room,\ntrying to think this isn't my tomb. \nSearching for a night light that isn't here, \ntrying not to think of what happened past years. \n\nSlowly it creeps back into my mind. \nHere to stay to strangle and bind. \nIts just not something someone should see. \nIt's ingrained in my mind and cannot flee. \n\nA small mistake has ended two lives. \nI can't help to think I had known him since five. \nTo remember him now just brings back the pain. \nIf only the driver could just have stayed in their lane. \n\nOver the bridge and the car torn apart. \nMy friends did not make it, no beating heart. \nIn the backseat I was pinned to cold steel. \nTo see what I have seen there is no way to heal. \n\nYears have past and my body is whole, \nbut my mind still remembers and it's taken its toll. \nTo close my eyes and feel trapped again.\nTo see my friends in that car that weekend.", "Matt Heafy of Trivium inspired me to get my thoughts and feelings down. So have some lyrics I wrote :) Fallen down too many times, \n\nBut you wouldn't pull me up, \n\nYou just dragged me down, \n\nFurther into my flaws,\n\nNot content with seeing me fail, \n\nHeld in place, \n\nYou hammered nails into my skin, \n\nCrucifixion was your despicable aim, \n\nStrung up and left for dead, \n\nEverything right in place, \n\nYou knew what you were doing, \n\nBut you didn't stop, \n\nVenomous leeches drain me of life, \n\nGasping for air,\n\nYou left me stranded, \n\nNothing left for the ravenous masses,\n\nI am but an empty shell, \n\nHollowed out for your amusement, \n\nYou carved out what was left, \n\nAnd for what exactly", "I'm dying Time passes by and no one can see I'm dying\nI sit and I stare at nothing, my thoughts are empty\nHappiness is out of reach, joy is fleeting\nI search and search but it's never found\nComfort only comes in dreams\nI spend more and more time there\nI'm dying\n" ] }, { "feature_id": 4794, "label": "The feature represents the struggle with academic productivity and the cognitive or environmental challenges associated with studying.", "pearson_r": 0.35529675610958567, "pred_f1": 0.5333333333333333, "freq": 0.040917051424932335, "mean_pos": 3.794978380203247, "top_texts": [ "Zoom Study Room Hi everyone! My name is Mike (22 yo) and I am one of those who find it extremely difficult and depressing to study alone at home during quarantine. I tried to create a group for anyone who wants to work/study with other people because I personally find it easier and more motivating. I want to ask you to help me with studying and I will help you in return. I bought a premium on zoom so that we can have 24/7 study meetings non-stop, join and leave whenever you want (not gonna charge anything for this at all, never-ever). \n\nThis zoom study room was created just a few days ago and it already had 2 meetings with wonderful and positive people from around the world: Australia, United Kingdom, Kazakhstan, India, France, Italy, United States and more. Right now there are more than 130 participants which join meetings using video at convenient for them time, so someone is always online and working.\n\nIn addition, I know how hard this can be in times of complete lockdown... I couldn't properly study for last 3 weeks, since the beginning of the quarantine. During my university times I used to go to the library all the time, and now this, without seeing friends, family, loved ones for weeks (I am an international student). Honestly speaking, so far zoom helped me a bit, at least when I seat and turn my video on - I actually start working by seeing that other people are also working. \n\nFeel free to add me to your contacts using the link below and I will add you to our group as soon as I see. \n\n[Link](https://us04web.zoom.us/im/add?code=SkFz74_GVweXPHWhtYGU3ZCeT4Mkx-vqZoOv5UXIWhU.BQgAAAFxjEQalwAnjQAWSWlSa1ZpUnhTeDZmTVlDTk54X3c4UQQAZAAAFkY5bXZBZ0JMU1p1R0Y5X3gyekJDN1EAAAAAAAAAAA)\n\nHopefully it can help someone.", "Can only study at the library I can only study at the library idk why maybe its just habit I developed but I cant study or do homework at home. Is anyone else the same way or have similar experiences?", "Any of you guys study away all your problems Like I find just studying is a shield to ignore my stuff like lack of social group or stuff like that. " ] }, { "feature_id": 7211, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience and physiological manifestation of stress.", "pearson_r": 0.44767968587711027, "pred_f1": 0.6896551724137931, "freq": 0.02970409625400869, "mean_pos": 5.182784557342529, "top_texts": [ "Yeah absolutely, it's hard when something else stressful pops up and the stress feels sooooo extreme even if the actual situation is in reality easy to manage for most", "Rubbing with shoulders with people and socializing too frequently may also be source of stress as the soul and body needs to re-energize it frequently. This is similar to the phoenix rising from the ashes to become a stronger self- a dramatic example which, yet all too relevant. **Leave your Comfort Zone** The familiar can also be a cause of stress ass the more used to you is to familiarity the more stress any unknown element will give you. It’s best to change ones surroundings and indulge in new activities to push yourself to your limit.", "As far as stress resistance goes, in terms of affect you would never be able to tell that I was experiencing stress. When I feel stress, there's little emotional response, mostly just physiological responses, such as the chest feeling tighter." ] }, { "feature_id": 10041, "label": "The theme is the anticipation or experience of new beginnings, transitions, and fresh starts.", "pearson_r": 0.43799783705305884, "pred_f1": 0.5882352941176471, "freq": 0.04505651966247413, "mean_pos": 3.40614652633667, "top_texts": [ "Im about to start a new job soon and am crazy scared cause I hate being the new person, but I know it's time", "New Therapist Winning! My daughter met her new therapist yesterday. He immediately won her over making her feel comfortable. That's the first win. \n\nThe second, he's EXCITED. He's excited to help. He's excited to put the pieces together. He's excited to help her with coping skills. He's excited to learn and try and to do what's needed. \n\nAfter months of being left in the dark and then suddenly having her dropped off because her dad and step mom just couldn't take it anymore, we have a chance to start over and get her help from people who will be in her corner. And her new therapist, he's a darn good start.", "Restart - New Game Since I've been playing video games my whole life, I feel like I just want to restart it all over. My current life had become so pointless, and had become a total mess.\n\nI wish I could make a fresh start. Start from day one again. Or maybe go back to certain points of my life from before and change some things, I don't know. Going further is just, useless.\n\nedit: grammar" ] }, { "feature_id": 2763, "label": "The feature represents the discussion of self-harm as a personal behavior, coping mechanism, or clinical concern.", "pearson_r": 0.3597352128363246, "pred_f1": 0.5333333333333333, "freq": 0.0355039006527623, "mean_pos": 4.319468975067139, "top_texts": [ "I’ve been self harming again, should I be open with my boyfriend about it? I’m 22 and I hadn’t self harmed since I was about 16 but things have been so bad today I relapsed.\n\nI feel like I need to tell someone, I need to get help and I need support, I’m scared things will spiral out of control again\n\nBut I don’t want to traumatise my boyfriend, being with someone who is mentally ill must be such a heartbreaking burden to bear and I don’t want to put him through more than he already has to deal with being with me \n\nMaybe I should tell my mum? I don’t want to be selfish and worry people, but I am also scared of how bad things could get if I don’t ask for help\n\nI’m sorry and any advice would be massively appreciated", "also true, what I meant is that actually in the dsm one of the traits of BPD is self harm, but thats just one, ofc it doesn't mean that everyone who selfharm has BPD", "ADHD and self harm? TW, but not actually going into the details of self harm. Just more generally wondering - has anybody else struggled with self harm as a coping mechanism for ADHD? Was it before or after a diagnosis?" ] }, { "feature_id": 10042, "label": "The theme is the concept of a \"Favorite Person\" (FP) within the context of Borderline Personality Disorder.", "pearson_r": 0.5284014121419301, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.030522892169126844, "mean_pos": 4.95465087890625, "top_texts": [ "FP someone you’re not close with Does anyone else have this? My FP transitioned from my ex to a crush shortly before the breakup. The relationship was very unhealthy if that’s at all significant. However, attention from my FP sends me into endless daydreams while lack of any attention makes me feel like nothing. \n\nI guess what I’m curious to know is, does anyone else have a FP that they aren’t even close with yet can manage to set your emotions on a rollercoaster just based on their behaviors? \n\nIt’s so damn frustrating and don’t know how to manage this. If anyone can help shed some light on this, please do. I feel helpless.", "FP's and Significant others... My first post here. Been lurking for a while. Thought I would finally pose a question I've been wondering about since finding you guys.\n\nI know the concept of an \"FP\" isn't something everyone with BPD has and isn't necessarily a part of the disorder - but it's definitely something that happens for me and gets me into a whole lot of trouble and pain.\n\nI was wondering for others who have this: how is it possible to have a significant other who is NOT your FP? I know that an FP isn't a healthy thing, and something you need to recognize isn't really a good thing. But at the same time we all know that they are like a drug - being around them feels good, being validated by them feels good, making them feel good feels good!\n\nI guess I don't know how to differentiate between a healthy, proper relationship with someone who could be a significant other and the unhealthy powerful emotions of an FP....I look for the feelings associated with an FP to be associated with a significant other and if they don't come I assume I don't love them or I can't stay interseted or put the proper energy into the relationship. \n\nI don't know if this makes sense, but I know a few people here have talked about having a significant other AND an FP, so I thought I would throw it out there.\n\nAs a side note I have been a redditor for a long time but the idea of checking out a subreddit for BPD literally hit me like a month ago. It's been kind of life-changing. I've never been to any group therapy and for a long time was only diagnosed as depressed and anxious. Other people who were depressed and anxious never seemed to match my feelings. Literally the first 3 posts I read here just hit me so hard - I'm not alone! Thank you for that.", "How does one get over an FP? I know I’ve done it before, I just struggle to remember how." ] }, { "feature_id": 1200, "label": "The feature represents negative physical and psychological side effects associated with the medication Abilify.", "pearson_r": 0.5428834907456519, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.029635863261082175, "mean_pos": 5.095378398895264, "top_texts": [ "I was on abilify for 8 years and like I mentioned, it resulted in 2 full months of nausea, extreme dizziness to the point where I was holding on to walls whenever I could without looking too suspicious to my coworkers and of course severe headaches. ", "My personal experience with Abilify hasn't been great. I'm currently trying to taper off of it now. I have bad akathisia, as well as the fact that it makes me more paranoid than I already am. It also had a different effect for me: I lost my appetite almost completely and lost weight. Which is weird, because I always read that it makes you gain instead. I just think it's not for me, but I hope it works for you because it DID help me feel a little better. Its side effects are just too much for me to handle, so I'm on Lamictal now.", "Abilify was not fun for me. On top of really bad akathisia, it also made my anxiety worse and made me really paranoid." ] }, { "feature_id": 5811, "label": "The feature represents the act of non-suicidal self-injury and the associated physical or emotional sensations derived from it.", "pearson_r": 0.5374188628981016, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.027816316783041826, "mean_pos": 5.383591175079346, "top_texts": [ "I can't stop cutting myself A few weeks ago, I was really driven over the edge, I took a knife from the kitchen, and started hacking at my thighs. Today, I have four knives and spend hours every day cutting intricate patterns into my legs and arms. I can't stop, and I feel empty and shit without it.\n\nI have never been (officially) diagnosed with depression, but I surely relate to most stuff here and I'm usually feeling like complete shit.\n\nI don't really know what to do", "NSFW TRIGGER WARNING CUTTING. I cut but I’m not suicidal. I (27f) cut myself sometimes. I don’t do it because i want to die, it’s just an adrenaline rush that beats my sadness. I recently let my boyfriend (living together a year) in on it, that is that I’ve started to again, because one wouldn’t stop bleeding and I didn’t know where the bandaids were. I’m embarrassed but also relieved to let him know. It feels like a comfortable state. I’d like to stay here because I am not suicidal and it feels good when things are really really bad. Is this acceptable? \n\n\nTLDR; how do I justify just little cuts? Or do I have to stop for good?", "I cut myself for the first time I don’t know how to feel about it " ] }, { "feature_id": 4475, "label": "The feature represents the conceptual analysis and questioning of the nature, definition, and presence of empathy in mental health contexts.", "pearson_r": 0.5170326722549718, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.02615598062183001, "mean_pos": 5.713299751281738, "top_texts": [ "Can't imagine having anxiety or depression would make you more or less empathetic in one way of another. Maybe look into finding some studies on it", "I think this gets a bit misunderstood to be honest. A real lack of empathy is something that shows up in action towards others not so much in how you feel. \n\nIf your friends father dies and you don’t share their pain that’s not a serious issue in my opinion but if you leave your 6 month old baby crying because it’s hungry and swimming in it’s own piss and shit so you can go out drinking because that’s more important to you than your babies well being, that is more in line with a complete lack of empathy in my opinion. From my experience people who have this level of empathy tend to lie about it and make excuses for it and attempt to justify it", "Impaired empathy is also how I would characterise mine. Although I've noticed people who claim to have a lot of empathy or be an empath oftentimes just reflect their own emotions onto other people. I honestly can't tell what is a right amount of empathy to have or who actually has it." ] }, { "feature_id": 985, "label": "The feature represents skepticism or reassurance regarding the platitude that life inevitably improves over time.", "pearson_r": 0.458996764507441, "pred_f1": 0.6956521739130435, "freq": 0.038028521391043284, "mean_pos": 3.9073269367218018, "top_texts": [ "What gets better? Just a quick question: in what ways does life get better? I've spent years being told that life gets better but I'm still hurting every day mentally and physically. So to anyone who has any idea about what really gets better in life or anyone that has good reasons to keep pushing through life, I would love to hear from you.", "To the people that like to say it gets better: When?? Im so sick of this. Im 26 and have struggled with mental illness for 10 years. I did everything right to try to get better - meds, therapy, exercise, meditation, healthy eating, and everything keeps getting worse. Nothing has worked in 10 years... even a little. To be completely honest, I dont think everyone gets better. I think Im going to live in misery until I die, which is hopefully sooner rather than later. When people say that it gets better it just hurts all the more. Youre one of the lucky ones. I feel like someone who is desperately trying to lose weight and cant even though they are following all of the proper steps and see everyone around them dropping pounds like crazy from whatever new diet people are on. That person may never lose that weight. I may never get better. Why do we keep encouraging people to hold on, life gets better? Whats so great about living a waking nightmare just for the possibility of life maybe becoming more durable? I wish voluntary suicidew was legal. At least that way someone who needs a liver and actually wants a life can have a life. Fuck being stuck in 4 dimensional spacetime. Get me out of here.", "IT WILL BE OK!! I can assure you things always get better, and if they haven't gotten better then it hasn't been enough time" ] }, { "feature_id": 7223, "label": "The theme is the seeking or discussion of specific mental health literature and book recommendations.", "pearson_r": 0.5604941967930918, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.0391657379398185, "mean_pos": 3.7688541412353516, "top_texts": [ "Also, I have read Stop Walking on Eggshells, and while I think it does have a lot of really good information in it, it feels like it villainizes us at times. There's a book the specialist recommended to me during that meeting - \"The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide\" - and I've been reading it. It's been very compassionate and well written. I hate you - Don't Leave Me is also pretty good.", "What book can I read about BPD? I have a friend with BPD, and I've been reading \"I hate you, don't leave.\" I'm kind of worried that book might be kind of outdated, but I don't wanna either buy a book that end up not helping or worsen the situation. Is that book still a good guide, or I need to read another one (and which one)?", "I might look into it then! Another book that was recommended to me was by the woman who diagnosed me. It's called \"The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide.\" I haven't read it yet, but plan to pick it up soon. She said it was really good, and I'm more inclined to trust her judgement on books since she specifically works with BPD." ] }, { "feature_id": 2121, "label": "The feature represents the psychological construct of interpersonal manipulation, power dynamics, and the pursuit of emotional dominance over others.", "pearson_r": 0.8467930284827017, "pred_f1": 0.9, "freq": 0.0375963791025087, "mean_pos": 3.891916513442993, "top_texts": [ "Violence and domination are the tools of the weak and ignorant\nCold calculation loses to objectivity, cynicism loses to realism\nAspd's or even <<primary psychopaths>> are incomplete\nThey use their emotions and well structured and adaptive psychology to survive and succeed\n\nMeanwhile they should be using the emotions and the adaptive psychology of others\n\nYou see, real power never comes from one person who exceeds the abilities of everyone\nBut from one person manipulating the abilities of everyone for the best outcome\n\nAka charisma\nAnd i'm not referring to the fake and fabricated one, i refer to the actual charisma, which is impressing others with abilities they can respect, admire, and adore\n\nThe most manipulative people in history, never had to actually lie or alter events and facts\nBut present them in an acceptable, bright, illuminating way\nWhich is pretty much what every cluster b-doesn't do\n\nAnd i would argue that you all overestimate your apathy and emptiness\nThere's power in kindness, love, empathy, power that lasts-\nUnlike the attributes of manipulation, or cold calculation\n\nIf you dominate someone's mind and body, expect him to find ways to cope with it\nDominate his dreams and hopes, he is yours forever\n\nWhat i'm referring to here is positivity, people WANT to be leaded, they want to be guided\n\nNow compare that to aspd's who see general humans as food\nIt's bad for long term thinking and establishment of objectively difficult goals\nHence, machiavellianism works better", "I can be “annoyed” but still feel as if I have power over that person and that I’m being validated. It’s a different form of “supply” and to even have that kind of hold on someone can be a good feeling. \n\nThough someone can go from gold to trash if that trash still desires me or if even the thought of me seems to illicit strong feelings then it can be intoxicating because it’s a form of control", "It's like a milder form of gaslighting. Works well on insecure people and sycophants." ] }, { "feature_id": 6713, "label": "The feature represents the experience of a fragmented or unstable sense of self and identity confusion.", "pearson_r": 0.6579191937988826, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.03543566765983579, "mean_pos": 4.114186763763428, "top_texts": [ "identity crisis i don’t even know who i am. throughout my life i’ve spent so much time trying to be like other people who i admired or be like a certain group of people that i don’t even know what i like. i don’t even have my own style because i like most fashion styles and want to do all of it at once. \n\ni’ve changed my major in college 4 times now and i still don’t know if this semester is the one i want to do but i’m running out of time and can’t waste money. i’m pretty confident in it but i know how easily my mind changes. i think i’ve imagined every career path possible and i’m like “that could be cool”. but do i really LIKE it??? \n\non top of that, i don’t even know what hobbies i like. i know i like writing (poetry, mostly) and i used to write all the time but since i’m not as depressed as i used to be, i completely stopped writing because all of my writing was sad. i don’t even know how to write happily. \n\ni don’t really know where i was going with this, but if you feel like it explain some ways you deal with identity personally. no clue how to act like myself because i feel like “myself” includes bits and pieces of everyone else. \n", "I'm so angry, my identity crisis will never end I've changed styles, interests, phases ever since I was 10. I want my life to be ONE thing. I'm gothic but then I really want the entire pink rainbow razor pc setup. I want these cute stuffed animals but it doesn't match my posters. I switch music interests like crazy but I don't want to. I can't pick a single aesthetic, a single flow of interests. I don't know what I am! I don't know what makes me happiest. I love it all but I don't want to BE it all. I want consistency not overwhelmingness.\n\nI've made all types of friends over the years and I see them and morph myself and my things into them and then when they go I'm left with being a shell of something I lost interest in and doesn't feel it's me. I'm a walking cluster of tens of old friends personalities. \n\nDoes anyone know how to overcome this? What should I do? Is this a common problem?", "I've completely lost my whole sense of self and I have no idea how to get it back I'm experiencing the longest depression I've ever had. Going on 7 years now. I've been depressed so long that I don't even know who I am anymore. I have such an unhealthy hatred for myself that even when Im motivated to try to like myself I don't even know who that is anymore. I feel like I have no identity and I know thats common with BPD but I feel as though its often talked about like you act different depending on who your with and thats not what I mean. I think I used to have a pretty good idea of who I was but now I dont know how to be anything anymore. My head is so jumbled with noise I can't even try to think through it logically. I couldn't describe myself if I had to anymore. I just don't know how to go about building a personality again. It seems so weird to have to think about... What am i like? Who am I? What kind of person am I? What kind of things do I say? Ive isolated myself from so many people for so long I actually get overwhelmed by any conversations because I just dont know who I am enough to know how to respond. It sounds over exaggerated and like im overthinking it but I really feel like this hollow body that just has nothing in it." ] }, { "feature_id": 4210, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of mental health management, specifically medication or stability, with the logistical and psychological challenges of international relocation or travel.", "pearson_r": 0.5569865818110674, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.03486705938544818, "mean_pos": 4.163864612579346, "top_texts": [ "Traveling w adhd medicine? Hi,\n\n\n\n\nI really want to get out of my current living situation. I’ve taught overseas before and want to again, but this was prior to my diagnosis (I was diagnosed at 29). I know that some countries ban stimulants, so I was wondering if anyone had any experience living abroad and getting their adhd medicine.\n\n\n\n\nAlso, if I stay in the us and travel, I don’t know how to get my meds if I’m not in my home state. My insurance will only fill 1 month at a time for controlled substances. Idk if I can get my script delivered from a website? Idk.\n\n\n\n\nI feel better on my medicine but don’t want to be held back. But I’m non-functional without it", "Never did I think this would happen. The past two years I have been in the best headspace I have ever been in regards to my mental health overall... I got a good job, accepted into university, found myself and became independant.\n\nI had been accepted to study abroad for a semester which has always been a dream of mine to travel to this particular country.. even better I've been able to live here for 3 months instead of having a short visit. \n\nUmm...... since arriving I have been overcome with depression + insomnia and have barely attended classes at all.... I had other issues in the past that have sparked up since being here. \nNow I only have 1 month left and this feeling has stuck with me consistently. Safe to say ruining my whole experience. \n\nNot only has this \"life changing\" experience been the complete opposite of what I envisioned and hoped. I am completely aware that my depression will be an ongoing battle forever... before arriving here I thought I had overcome my depression due to my progress in the last two years. \nWeird how I was doing so good back home and since being here everything is turned upside down for no reason I can truly identify. \n\nNow I assumed It could have been because I'm in a unfamiliar place, not close to loved ones, missing home etc. But to be honest coming overseas was perfect timing as back home I was frustrated and ready to get away and continue to improve my life. \n\nIt's been a rude awakening and I'm still unsure why this could be occurring when I was wanting and looking forward to the change.. and not necessarily missing home. \n\nI have 3 papers due in 3 weeks. I havent been able to concentrate and even begin.\nMy family are expecting me to excel while here and I'm ashamed of how I have deteriorated since being here.\n\nI am active, I know how to combat my depression in ways but its lingering like the m****** f******* it is.\n\nI'm disappointed in myself and know I have wasted an opportunity of a lifetime. \n\ntldr: a lifetime experience + opportunity has turned out to be nothing like I thought due to being struck by recuring bouts of depression for no identifiable reason.", "Advice on taking medication outside of UK for work. Hi, I'm in my first job and may have the opportunity to work abroad in the coming years. I'm based in the UK and I'm on Concerta 54mg. \n\nIs there anywhere I can find guidance on how to prepare to work in specific countries? Are there many countries in which taking prescribed medication is illegal?\n\nThanks!" ] }, { "feature_id": 828, "label": "The feature represents postpartum mental health struggles and maternal support.", "pearson_r": 0.49731138332777164, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.02779357245206632, "mean_pos": 5.172282695770264, "top_texts": [ "Had the same situation with my daughter when she was born and felt equally awful. I promise you’ll feel better about it in a few months, once you see how important you are to your baby compared to others. It’s barely something I even think about now. Fed is best!!", "I am so sorry you’re going through this. I have no advice but I do hope it gets better for you. That sounds like way too much for someone to be dealing with on top of having a baby.", "It’s postpartum feelings! Absolutely! I have a friend who got this way after the birth of her second recently, only was the opposite, she basically couldn’t stand the newborn and only wanted to be around her first child. It was hormones and she got over it. So will you. Congratulations on the new baby! Two months is still very new!" ] }, { "feature_id": 1521, "label": "The feature represents the struggle with executive dysfunction and the practical management of household clutter.", "pearson_r": 0.6386700868921518, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.0334341665339914, "mean_pos": 4.228669166564941, "top_texts": [ "My room is such a mess I've been on meds for about 3 - 4 weeks now and I finally have energy to actually do anything after work, and I've been wanting to clean my room but I just don't know where to start. It's honestly disgusting. Dishes piled up, clothes, shoes and bags all over the floor, empty food packages.\n\nThe only space that I can use in my room is my bed, which is where I spend 99% of the time I'm at home. I seriously don't know where to start. Does anyone have any tips? :(", "How can I avoid making my house a mess 24/7 My house is constantly a mess. My biggest problem is that I start using something and move on to something else and basically just throw anything I’m using on the ground or to the side without even noticing until I see that things are EVERYWHERE. I move too fast and things get messy soooo quickly! \n\nWhen I do finally get around to cleaning, the house is spotless, but it gets messy in less than 24 hours. \n\nAnyone have any actually beneficial tips/tricks/hacks to help my house not look like it’s been hit by a tornado everyday?", "My main 2 are big 30 and 60l bins of stuff, like old bags, desk drawer organiser's, marbles, a labeller, special soaps I've been collecting and keeping since i was a teenager, most of my uni documents and the list of stuff goes on, but I atleast know what is in them, and I've already thrown out so much stuff ( I did a dump run recently and threw out 2 car loads of stuff, that I was willing to give up) so keeping these things doesn't seem so bad. I still cried while letting go of it all, but knew I had to, and I threw out things I'd had stored in boxes for probably atleast half a decade or longer." ] }, { "feature_id": 7011, "label": "The feature represents anxiety and psychological distress specifically related to the act of driving or trauma from car accidents.", "pearson_r": 0.441726104299386, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.02542816203061387, "mean_pos": 5.390199184417725, "top_texts": [ "Advice for overcoming driving PTSD? Hello guys, \n\nSoo 3 years ago i was involved in a car crash with my best friend next to me in the car, a huge truck smashed us off the road one night and gave total damage to the car, we lost consciousness a few seconds but we got out the car alive and with a few scratches. However since then i am unable to drive the car off the parking spot without another driver next to me in the car.. when i try to drive alone I start getting hardcore panic attacks and my legs start shaking really hard and stop responding all together.. its getting in the way of my day to day life not being able to drive myself and I really don’t know what to do anymore. \nAny advice is appreciated!", "PTSD after a car accident? I'm sure this gets posted a lot and I'm certain that this is nothing as extreme in comparison to the typical situations on here, but here it goes: \n\nI own a business that requires I drive anywhere from 50 to 150 miles a day. I spend quite a bit of time on the road. Well around a year and a half ago I had a car cross over a double yellow right into me head on. I have a decent sized truck, they were in a small compact car. My truck was repaired from the accident and returned to me.\n\nFlash forward about two months later, I'm driving home from work and the wheel comes off my truck. Turns out when they were putting everything back together from the accident they didn't attach a part tightly enough (the carrier bolt on upper control arm for you car people).\n\nThey fixed it, but ever since then I haven't been able the drive the same. I've taken my truck into the shop once a month for every small noise and rattle for the last year and a half. I've had the suspension rebuilt twice. Had my truck checked by a dozen mechanics, all telling me it looks pristine. But once I get on the highway I always am going at least 10-15 under the speed limit, white knuckle driving. \n\nI don't fear other cars on the road, or even my truck specifically, just whatever car I'm driving. I've driven at least 40,000 miles a year for the last decade, but now I feel like I can't trust whatever car I drive.", "Car accident I was in a terrible car accident a few weeks ago. I was the one driving and it was a complete accident. I hit some ice. When I was hurling toward the wall though I couldn’t help but feel calm like this was how I was going to die. I didn’t though, and ever since I feel like I should have - like I wish I would have. " ] }, { "feature_id": 705, "label": "The feature represents the discussion of specific medication dosage, frequency, and titration schedules.", "pearson_r": 0.4602729942651887, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.031478154070098026, "mean_pos": 4.344237804412842, "top_texts": [ "I'm essentially your same build. I started with 12.5 mg every 6 hours (3x per day). Once you see how your body reacts, you can adjust your dosage. ", "why on earth would she start that high. the average is 7.5-10mg twice a day starting and for some even 2.5-5mg twice a day. i’ve been on this a month and just got to 15mg twice a day today", "i started on 10mg twice a day last week and it’s been okay for me so far." ] }, { "feature_id": 9734, "label": "The feature represents the internal conflict and decision-making process regarding the choice to have or avoid having children due to concerns about hereditary trauma, mental health, or parenting capability.", "pearson_r": 0.5275893435844943, "pred_f1": 0.0, "freq": 0.033911797484476994, "mean_pos": 4.0309343338012695, "top_texts": [ "I'm not afraid that my kids would hate me. I had enough abusive grandparents, aunts and uncles to see how pathetically grateful their abused children were for even the smallest crumb of affection for them, so I know it's not actually difficult to get a child to love you when you're the biggest influence in that child's life. You have to fuck up really badly to turn them against you. I'm pretty sure I could raise a child without fucking up *that* badly. But I don't want children, and I have enough respect for them to think they deserve to be wanted. I also have enough respect not to drag them into existence just so that I *might* get a free caregiver when I'm old. Having kids as a weird form of indentured servitude deserves their hatred.", "No, I do want to raise kids but I will search the crap out of the downer dna, or I will adopt. My kids will not suffer from my hereditary diseases if I have a say in it and I do. I will not bring kids to this world to suffer. They deserve better.", "I also want children for my own selfish desires. I want to experience being pregnant and raising a child the way I should have been bought up. I want to give a child the life and love I never got. And bring another good one into the world to help balance out all the assholes out there. If good people stopped having kids the world would be overrun by the bad and humanity wouldn't survive." ] }, { "feature_id": 1804, "label": "The feature represents the meta-cognitive awareness of the act of venting and the self-conscious uncertainty regarding the purpose or validity of posting.", "pearson_r": 0.6972764715599663, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.0401892328337162, "mean_pos": 3.396463394165039, "top_texts": [ "(Don't actually read this, it was meant to be a post, but I got sad and it turned out into a random absurd vent) (yes I still posted it, I don't know why either)", "I’m about to fucking explode There’s no real reason. There’s no real purpose for this. There isn’t even a purpose to this fucking post and I’ll probably delete it within the hour so idk why I’m posting. I feel just about ready to lose my shit.", "also sorry for the vent, i hope you are doing okay, its always nice to see you posting on here<3" ] }, { "feature_id": 2048, "label": "The feature represents self-perception and emotional distress related to physical appearance and attractiveness.", "pearson_r": 0.5980142865493969, "pred_f1": 0.7, "freq": 0.03984806786908363, "mean_pos": 3.361004590988159, "top_texts": [ "I would say I’m fairly attractive but not the most attractive. I admittedly am a bit awkward but can act confident.", "Admitting I’ve had work done or having work done? That’s your opinion but it really didn’t lessen my confidence or give me overall insecurity when I had my previous nose. I was beautiful regardless. Some people feel beautiful from the inside and the outside doesn’t really matter to their own feelings of themself. Iykyk", "I seriously wish I was attractive. I was with a group of friends last night, and another friend started talking to another friend about how many girls secretly liked him and stuff. It was crazy, because no one has ever talked to me about things like that. Then, on the way to the pub, a group of girls basically called me unattractive. Funny how girls are never shy about calling me ugly, but they're apparently too shy to \"approach me\". I never get signals, I've had shit luck on dating sites, no one ever approaches me, no one has ever had a crush on me, and my family are the only people that call me handsome. Nothing tells me that I'm ugly based on how girls treat me versus how they treat other guys.\n\nYes. I lift and dress well, too. " ] }, { "feature_id": 2899, "label": "The feature represents the psychological experience of abandonment anxiety and the associated fear of interpersonal rejection.", "pearson_r": 0.5318052164771491, "pred_f1": 0.72, "freq": 0.034548638751791115, "mean_pos": 3.834773540496826, "top_texts": [ "Abandonment issues When you do things to prevent people from leaving you do you do it because you can't read them or know them well enough to know where they stand or because you are afraid they will find someone better? Legit question.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nWhat are the main, rational reasons you fear people will abandon you?", "Fear of abandonment is at it's highest I'm involved with someone I really like. A couple of days ago we had a disagreement and since then, I've felt as if the person has gone off me. I am analysing every message, every response time. \n\nShe's said she'll hang out with me tomorrow, and I'm sure she wouldn't do that if she didn't like me anymore but that isn't enough to calm these stupid thoughts down.\n\nI feel as if eventually she'll leave me, and I am constantly in a state of panic over this, internally. \n\nI've been hurt and dumped so many times that I feel like I'm just waiting for it to happen again, and I feel like it would be because of something I've done :(", "Why am I always getting abandoned? I've literally been unable to make new friends or even a significant other because everyone keeps abandoning me. The worst part is when you form an emotional connection between someone and then they just leave like you don't matter anymore.\n\nHow can people just do that? I'm literally incapable of comprehending such a thing, like I don't know how it works. I guess I was meant to be alone in this world.\n\nI'm probably the softest benevolent person you could come across and im not even ugly (maybe I'm being biased). Since nothing seems to be working out and it's all one sided, I've already started planning my exit in a couple months. Maybe I can find some friends on here but idk...I won't hold my breath." ] }, { "feature_id": 7100, "label": "The feature represents the cognitive pattern of chronic overthinking and ruminative analysis of social interactions and personal concerns.", "pearson_r": 0.5487818368211349, "pred_f1": 0.8181818181818182, "freq": 0.03368435417472195, "mean_pos": 3.8437421321868896, "top_texts": [ "Relationships Anyone have the tendency to overthink and overthink until you make up your own issues in your mind? and ending up upset/mad at you s/o??\nAnd what do you do to stop spiraling??", "how to stop overanalyzing social situations/relationships? (Anxiety) i've been reclusive for all of last year (i was 19), and 2 months ago \"resurfaced\" and began getting back in touch with old friends and hanging out. i'm with friends a lot but i don't know how to navigate the social stratosphere anymore\n\ni'm so anxious, and i worry, and i overthink about literally everything. does he want me here, would they have had a better time if i left, did i say the wrong thing, when he said \"you're a weird guy but in a good way\" did he really mean it, were they waiting for me to leave\n\nfor example on v-day i went to a party to a girl i've been taking out on dates and she kissed me (not the first time). i was drunk as shit (not drinking anymore after that night) and called an uber, when it pulled up i asked if her and i could make out before i left. she said no and i spent a good deal of time yesterday overthinking about if she was mad at me or if i made an ass of myself, and asking my friend who was there with me about it. she wants me to come over to her apartment alone for the first time, so turns that one was all in my head.\n\nit's... it's just hard. i don't know how to separate what's in my head vs. what's really an issue. i don't know what's appropriate conduct and what's not. i don't know what fucking natural human behavior feels like.\n\nhow do i stop this?", "why do I overthink over everything? Every time something small happens, I tend to overthink and it consumes my thoughts so much. It’s like I would spend an hour thinking if I have misspelled some word in an exam, and another hour thinking about what my teacher meant. \n\nit’s like my brain can’t shut up but I want it to shut up. I feel so overwhelmed and I’m so afraid of messing things up. whenever I’m doing something else, I’ll still be thinking of that certain thing and I just have no energy left." ] }, { "feature_id": 5577, "label": "The use of music as a tool for emotional regulation, self-reflection, and coping with mental health experiences.", "pearson_r": 0.5227597806460175, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.024950531080128277, "mean_pos": 5.165411949157715, "top_texts": [ "Listening to music about distressing things is hella cathartic to me. Any songs you guys listen to that reminds you of your pathology? Or specific lyrics? Even if it's not how it typically manifests. How do you connect to it?", "Music is therapy (List of songs) A different age - Current Joys\nReborn- Kid Cudi\n2009- Mac Miller \nSing about me/I’m dying of thirst- Kendrick Lamar\nColorado- Kota the friend \nNose bleeds- Kota the friend \nCome back to earth- Mac Miller \nMilk- BROCKHAMPTON\nSunflower- Rex Orange County \nGarden - Lil skies \nAll the stars - Kendrick Lamar/ SZA", "That feeling when you have a part of a song playing over and over in your head... .... is not always bad. I currently have the solo for Time by Pink Floyd playing :)" ] }, { "feature_id": 7639, "label": "The feature represents the psychological struggle with the need for, loss of, or obsession with personal control.", "pearson_r": 0.4580791141790741, "pred_f1": 0.72, "freq": 0.027065753860850184, "mean_pos": 4.753513813018799, "top_texts": [ "how do I cope with the need to control my environment?????? hi everybody, \n\nI’ve been lurking for quite a while but today my friend confronted me with something and I’m kinda concerned. I was diagnosed with ptsd due to a traumatic hospital stay I experienced and even though it’s already been a year i am just now understanding what that means for my daily life. recently my dissociation has been really bad - and I’ve realized it’s kicked up a lot of feelings about how I felt so out of control. because of this I have found that I often do small things to keep the environment around me in a particular order - and I like to do things in a certain way or I feel like I’m spiraling out of control. \n\nI did not think it was a big problem though until my friend strongly suggested that I might be too controlling for my own good and that apparently I have a “need to control literally everything” around me. ahaha now I’m crying alone in my house freaking out and feeling like such a douche bag for letting it affect my relationships and feel out of control of my ability to control my own control issues (if that makes sense ahah). am I alone in this? is it going to go away? why did her comment hurt me so bad? some coping skills or advice would be appreciated because I feel like I’m drowning teehee ¡", "And the social control because you had to stay with your companion at all times, so you couldn't leave the apartment without your companion. It's all just sickening when I look back at it.", "This makes sense. We crave control, and reliance on a substance for instance means that something else is in charge of how we’re feeling. It probably feels safer not to let that happen, even when it means not trying new things that we might really enjoy. The control aspect of it all is hard to kick. Worrying and preemptive disappointment also help us maintain control of uncertain outcomes." ] }, { "feature_id": 1669, "label": "The theme is the intersection of cannabis use and its perceived effects on mental health conditions or symptoms.", "pearson_r": 0.47168269238512184, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.01937816999112971, "mean_pos": 6.601363182067871, "top_texts": [ "Weed and BPD So before I start I’d like to say I have not been diagnosed with BPD yet however after deep research I have all symptoms and highly believe that I may have it.\n\nAnyway I’m making this post because in my experience smoking weed and having assumed bpd(not trying to self diagnose here so please don’t come for me) don’t really mix well. I guess you could call me a somewhat heavy smoker. I started in my upperclassmen years of high school and it got heavier as time went on. Now I’m smoking at least 1-4 blunts each day. It used to be so fun and made everything so much more enjoyable but now all it does is get me high but the high isn’t what it used to be. I feel very dull when the high wears off and it’s even changing me as a person. I know this is common for most “drugs” but it’s much more intense than that. Like my anxiety goes through the roof, I’ve turned into an introvert when Ive always been very outgoing, I’ll get these really dark depressing thoughts, and in all it just makes me feel/act/think negatively. It’s honestly breaking me down. When I’m sober I have major mood swings and anxiety so you would think weed would help those sort of things but no. It amps it up to 100 and makes me feel all kind of weird.\n\nI’ve tried to quit so many times but I’m never able to stick with it. It’s almost as if I need it and I don’t like that. When I’m sober, even though it can be tougher that way to cope with things, I still feel more like myself and it makes me so happy. But I always end up giving in to the constant urge to smoke. I feel like smoking is one of my main issues I need to cut out as I feel it sorta blurs the lines between how I’m feeling or thinking making it difficult to resolve personal problems that I may have.\n\nJust felt like sharing and wondering if anyone else out there has similar experiences", "ADHD and marijuana? I’ve been smoking regularly for almost 5 years now. I’m thinking about quitting because while it helps with anxiety and sleeping most times, I feel like it makes me scattered brain worse and inhibits my creativity. Does anyone feel this way? Have you quit or do you smoke now? Just wondering how weed affects other Adhd folks.\n\nThank you! ", "Cannabis? Hey. I am a daily weed smoker. What is your experience so far? I use cannabis for insomnia and usually when I feel wrong and it fix my mood, usually for all day." ] }, { "feature_id": 5313, "label": "The feature captures the experience of distressing, recurring, or emotionally impactful dreams and nightmares.", "pearson_r": 0.5433053679944329, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.02078831851161098, "mean_pos": 6.142802715301514, "top_texts": [ "Dreams and nightmares Hey,\n\nBasically, I've been feeling really s!@# for a few years now, mostly related to specific bad events/interactions with people that have caused me severe issues like really low self-esteem, drifting further into introvertedness, very bad mental state and, most importantly, having an almost constant feeling of sadness, anger and every other bad emotion that makes me feel bad physically on the inside as well.\n\nWhat I want to focus on this post here is that I've had loads of nightmares in the recent years, replaying the bad events/interactions or finding myself in new ones with the same people that are just as bad and they feel so realistic, but my biggest issue is that I occasionally get what I would call 'good' dreams as well, where I see my hopes&wishes as a reality. \n\nFor example, today I had a dream about a girl I've been crushing on on&off in the past (but she friendzoned me very firmly) and we were together in that dream. But then I woke up, reality hit me instantly and I felt 1000x times worse than with any of the nightmares. I just don't know what to make of it, I'm in an emotional wreck and it's hard to stay on topic as I want to drift off to all the other bad s\\*\\*\\* that is going on in my life.\n\nI just wanted to know if any of you also get that sort of feeling where the nightmares that are scarring/reminding you for past and present events feel easier than 'good' dreams. And if so, how do you deal with it or cope with it?\n\nThanks.", "They are perhaps different in my life insomuch as the dreams that I generally remember most are anxiety driven nightmares. Even \"fun\" dreams generally have an edge of danger/fear to them. For example, when I'm flying in my dreams I am always worried about falling. Or hitting a power line. And because I worry about it, it usually happens.", "Nightmares I fell into depression while in a relationship. Later, we broke up and now, I keep dreaming of that exact moment. Over and over again. Is there any way to stop nightmares?" ] }, { "feature_id": 2817, "label": "The feature identifies the romanticization or identification with fictional and real-world villains, anti-heroes, and sadistic impulses.", "pearson_r": 0.4515086625706721, "pred_f1": 0.5333333333333333, "freq": 0.036595628539586506, "mean_pos": 3.4891278743743896, "top_texts": [ "She's a villain but not a horrible person. She left Jen alone even with the Darkhold's corruption. She showed mercy to the Salem Seven(even though she joked multiple times about eating/biting children). She's suffered abuse all of her life until she eventually siphoned her mom's power away, and after that there was no going back. We don't know what she was on trial for when she was executed, but I have a feeling she has a heart underneath all that facade.", "he sounds like the new hannibal lecter no doubt, especially how he stabbed his parrot and has dark humor and how he likes gore\n\ni suppose we bumped to a real one", "YES!!! Id rather feel like a monster and villain than a pathetic victims" ] }, { "feature_id": 6194, "label": "The theme is the subjective experience of feeling fundamentally different, alienated, or \"other\" from the rest of society.", "pearson_r": 0.5325422858080223, "pred_f1": 0.7, "freq": 0.041280960720540404, "mean_pos": 3.0697357654571533, "top_texts": [ "I thought I was just strange for the longest time. ", "I knew I was different from others since I was in kindergarten. Several years of being weird, fairly ostracized, and isolated to my own world later, I became very interested in mental illness. Reading about schizoid and schizotypal PDs, they resonated a lot with me, though I wasn't sure that I was to the extent that it was diagnosible and totally maladaptive. Maybe it was because my symptoms became much worse in college, but one of my prior therapists seemed to think the shoe fit.", "Until the psychiatrist put a label on why I was so different to my siblings and everyone else I had never known so many other people were like me. I see them in the wild here and there but never talk about this kind of thing. Thus discovering how others cope with it is super interesting." ] }, { "feature_id": 8514, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of physical exercise and its complex, often ambivalent, impact on mental health and emotional well-being.", "pearson_r": 0.6085792820852477, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.027748083790115313, "mean_pos": 4.560895919799805, "top_texts": [ "Been going to the gym consistently for the last five months I'm still depressed, but at least now I'm strong and depressed. \n\nSometimes I just want to cry though. I go to the gym and try to lift some heavy weight, and then a wave of sadness suddenly comes on and I can't even budge the weight from the ground (a weight that is actually less than my max). Depression makes me physically weaker. Sometimes I can hype myself up and manage to barely pull through. I guess in that sense it is mental training too. I'm still waiting to feel the results of that mental training though. The depression hasn't really gotten easier. \n\nToday I got a new max though, so that made me a little bit happy. ", "Does anyone else get more depressed by working out? I've been working out consistently for approximately two years now and it has just become something that I do. \n\n\nIt's often been an issue that I'll go to the gym and I'll be super self conscious. I'll see the other fit men in the gym and say why can't I be like that? I'll see attractive women in the gym and immediately assume that they don't find me attractive. I believe that everyone is watching me and judging me on my form/appearance ant its depressing. I look at how far I've progressed (or lack thereof) and realize that it isn't enough. \n\n\n\nAll of the above is combined and I'm honestly finding it difficult to find the will or motivation to continue. \n\n\nMy therapist said that it should boost my spirits, but it's just not doing it for me. ", "Honestly my fiancée is obsessed working out and this seeks like something he would do. He claims it’s essential for his mental health and well-being and during a stressful time like child birth i sort of get it. Maybe you compromise and he goes at a time that you OK and feel comfortable with?" ] }, { "feature_id": 10022, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of diminished or absent sexual libido.", "pearson_r": 0.41365101716588143, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.03507175836422772, "mean_pos": 3.6022932529449463, "top_texts": [ "I've literally got 0 sexual drive. What. The. Fuck? I'm a guy, and can still get an erection, but I have had 0 sexual drive at all.\n\nIt's not erectile dysfunction, but it's like my entire pituitary gland, (is that the one?), just was removed.", "Total loss of libido is something you can't understand without experiencing it yourself. \n \nI lost my libido entirely in 2019. I was on aripiprazole and vortioxetine. I also heavily abused pregabalin several times as I bought in bulk. Amphetamine I did for the entire year. Aripiprazole and vortioxetine I quit in June. Last pregabalin purchase was in July/August. It stopped working completely so I quit using it. \n \nTotal loss of libido freed me from my porn addiction. I am single male with no interest for releationship so this has been a net positive experience. \n \nHowever for someone in a releationship a loss of libido is serious thing. Easily marriage ending.", "Weirdly enough it did not cause me any distress as it was happening. Losing all sex drive is literally that. I simply did not care that it was gone. It has to be experienced to truly understand it. When I got worried however was after I quit taking aripriprazole it took half a year until I noticed any improvement. It has now been 13 months since stopping taking it. I can't remember the last time I fapped without using libido enchancing drug. Not that it is a bad thing. I am just acknowleding how long lasting the decreased libido can be." ] }, { "feature_id": 4816, "label": "The feature captures interpersonal conflict and emotional distress specifically related to sibling relationships.", "pearson_r": 0.8435898299505749, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.02213023403916574, "mean_pos": 5.667572975158691, "top_texts": [ "Brother is getting on my nerves I'm 23 and my brother is 27.\n\nWe moved in together. I do freelance work, which is work basically enough to get by. I work on hobbies and other stuff on the side. My brother also works, etc.\n\nHe helped me pay some stuff and I'm slowly paying that back. Which I have been paying back.\nIt was a bit hard to move in and cost more than I thought but I've basically leveled everything out and we split bills so everything is just slowly getting taken care of.\n\nHe drinks a bit and when he does or when he's hungover he gets mad at me. If he asks me to do something and I don't do it, he will get mad. If I'm doing something he doesn't like, he'll get mad and make me seem like the most lazy unappreciative self absorbed piece of shit you could think of.\n\nIt's taking a toll on me, and now I realize how it's all working out I'm kind of stuck. I live with it now but I also live with him and I just want to find a way to handle it without feeling demoted after every fight. I have goals I'm working towards, I don't really need him pressing me back every time cause I didn't cater to him.\n\nAny help appreciated!", "Want to talk about my feelings but don't want to bring my brother down This is my first post with my new account. I will spare you the life story but I will just say that I've struggled with depression for years, despite recently taking action to help myself and my mental state. \n\n\nAs I no longer have a therapist I can see regularly thanks to the coronavirus, my dear brother has once again become the only person I talk to about my problems. The thing is, whenever I'm in a depressive state, he says it's like torture for him. I'd like to be able to deal with my feelings by myself, but more often than not I end up ruminating on the internet about my problems, with thoughts such as, \"Why do I have no friends?\" So for me, I think it's good to break the cycle by talking to someone, if possible, but my brother has been dealing with me for years now, and my depression in recent years has been very intense and recurrent. I've already checked myself into a hospital three times in the past two years for suicidal ideation, and I've stayed at two different mental wards. Suicide hotlines have sometimes made it worse for me as the other person doesn't really know me and I tend to talk myself into a downward spiral. \n\n\nHow do I deal with my ruminating thoughts and depressive feelings without troubling the only person I have to talk to about my problems?", "Having boundaries is not selfish at all. He could wreck your car any time he borrows it. Your brother sounds very irresponsible and selfish in taking things that do not belong to him. I can understand giving family members what they want from you even if you don't want to considering you live with them and probably want to keep the peace. \n\nI know it may be difficult but getting a good source of income and moving out might do you a lot of good. Living around such people sounds like hell. Perhaps finding something that can be work from home or working in a low human interaction environment? Night security? Driving? Night Janitor? Not glamorous jobs at all, but something enough to not flare up your condition and makes enough money to pay your expenses on your own. \n\nImagine having your own income and your own apartment and your brother texts you asking for things. You can tell him to get his own :D" ] }, { "feature_id": 635, "label": "The feature represents the cognitive impairment and loss of focus associated with reading difficulties in the context of mental health struggles.", "pearson_r": 0.8327303519048551, "pred_f1": 0.9473684210526315, "freq": 0.023927036186230582, "mean_pos": 5.174918174743652, "top_texts": [ "Trying read to read books while I job hunt and it's fucking impossible. I used to read alot in my early teenage years. ", "Reading as daily habit (struggling) Hello fellow dopamine surfers!\n\nThe last few years I've read 3 books, which is not much. I was only able to complete the books because I was depressed/either extremely interested in the presented subject. \n\nSince my recent diagnose and meds (MY LAAAWD), I believed I could start a reading habit in the evening which is wrong. And apparently this is a common thing (+ med levels decreasing/tired in the evening)\n\nI would really love to make reading work and enjoy it. I wondered if some of you have personal strategies to deal with this.", "i can’t read books i can’t read books. i can try to read online articles and for some reason it’s a bit easier, but it’s still super challenging. it’s annoying because i’m reading a book about the brain for school and im super interested in medicine. that’s like the only topic i know much about. i guess it’s what ive hyper-focused on. it’s just annoying as F*CK when i can’t even read a paragraph about something i’m passionate about. it makes me question if i am truly passionate about it and if i truly enjoy it. i always remind myself i can’t even get into any other topic and this is something that truly excites me and fills me with passion. i just can’t read, not even if it’s about something i’m passionate about. it’s like i want to learn about it but oh my god i do not want to read. or it’s like i DO want to read but it’s so hard to bring myself to do it. and then it’s like everything is going too fast and i can’t sit and read it all word for word. i’m in college and it worries me because if i pursue something in the medical field, i won’t be able to do it because i struggle with reading so much. i’m meeting with someone this week to help me and possibly diagnose me with learning disabilities. so i am seeking accommodations at my college, but it’s still super frustrating. i’ve talked a bit with my professor but i need to talk to her again. i’m just so frustrated." ] }, { "feature_id": 6723, "label": "The feature represents the discussion and clinical distinction of sensory hallucinations and perceptual distortions.", "pearson_r": 0.8864594706500707, "pred_f1": 0.9473684210526315, "freq": 0.022221211363067754, "mean_pos": 5.387917518615723, "top_texts": [ "Visual Hallucinations Hello everyone! I’m here for a little bit of insight. My friend was recently diagnosed with Schizophrenia, and I have some questions about the idea of visual hallucinations, so I’ll just list them.\n\nWhat are the most common hallucinations you guys experience? \n\nAre they all scary? Or are there some good/neutral ones as well?\n\nHow clear are these images? Like, are they rough shapes, or are they apparent objects?\n\nFinally, where do they occur in your field of vision? Like are they more peripheral, or more central?\n\nAny responses would help a lot!", "That sounds like a misperception.\n\nA hallucination is hearing noises, usually words or phrases (because that's how the human mind thinks), with no actual external stimuli. For example, you could be in a totally quiet room with nobody around and still hear them talking to you.", "Seriously, though, this is technically a visual distortion because it's based on a true physical stimulus, whereas hallucinations are not. That said, it doesn't mean any less disturbing when it happens. Hope you feel better." ] }, { "feature_id": 1019, "label": "The feature represents the reflection on and emotional processing of high school experiences and their impact on mental well-being.", "pearson_r": 0.5919291315283449, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.028362180726453932, "mean_pos": 4.201663017272949, "top_texts": [ "What do you mean, not much?!?!?! High school can be a hellish 4 years! You made it! Congrats kiddo!", "Hmm I never really had many friends so it's tough to recall. When I had friends in high school, they were generally sympathetic.", "I think about high school often, I think it's because my anxiety and depression was kept at bay because I was constantly surrounded by peers who were all going through the same thing. Nowadays I have brutal anxiety and depression thinking about every possible thing I should be doing to advance my life whether that be meeting new people, leaning something, making money, etc. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nIn high school there was a bit of peace knowing that everyone was more or less doing the same thing and it was as if there's not as much of a chance to miss out. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nNot only that, I feel like my depression was definitely kept at bay because you were surrounded by cute girls and most of your best friends. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI miss the aura of high school too. Fucking around at lunch time, the band playing at pep rallies, having that fun sense of breaking the rules. It's not even like I was popular, I resented a lot of the popular kids at my school. I just miss the overall feeling I had in high school and there isn't a way to replicate it. It's beyond pathetic I know. Has anyone else felt the same way and been able to successfully combat this feeling?\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI just want a reason to wake up, a reason to work out, a means to have satisfying happiness. I'm aware it's possible but it hardly seems so when most of my genuine happiness came out of high school." ] }, { "feature_id": 8295, "label": "The feature represents distress and social isolation specifically triggered by the COVID-19 pandemic and lockdown measures.", "pearson_r": 0.6764163588777915, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.021971023722337207, "mean_pos": 5.335165977478027, "top_texts": [ "Everything’s fucked again Hi. I’m not particularly scared of corona virus, I try to be careful tho not to spread it if i have it and i don’t know about it, and not to catch it, but the thing is, our country is on total lockdown.. Our school is sending us shit ton of homework.. I can’t see my therapist. I’ve been suicidal for a really long time, but everything started getting better in last few months, but now it’s back to the old rails. I’m stuck in the house, just lying in my bed crying. I can go out but at what cost. I don’t wanna fo this anymore. Everything feels so distant. Everything’s closed. I know the quarantine is useful for the situation, but i guess it’s gonna cost me my life, or at least my mental health. It just feels so unfair, i was working on myself for a really long time and suddenly everything’s fucked. again. I don’t wanna get better only to fall a crumble apart again", "Coronavirus lockdown Thanks to the Coronavirus lockdown i realized how the people i thought i could call friends actually don't care about me. It made me realize that all the moments together were possible not beacuse they enjoyed my presence but because they were forced to have me with them. I used to go out with them a lot but just before this lockdown they started to hang out without me every time they could. They started speaking in code (i know it may sounds fake but it's the truth) so i wouldn't understand. I'm probably never going to see some of them again (i hope so, i can just imagine some sort of fake reaction like \"omg hey, how are you\") if things keep going as they are. Now the bad part is that in this goup of friends there's the girl i like, for which i've done so much but now even her text to me only if she need something (she always did it but she also texted just for fun or to ask me to hang out). It's been 2 month since the lockdown started here in Italy and none of these friends texted me just to ask if everything was ok.\n\nPls share your thoughts. I really want to know what you guys think about this.", "Coronavirus Thoughts Thanks to this whole \"social distancing\" trend, I don't think the world will ever be the same again. I think that we’ve overreacted to this virus so much, that the societal and political damage can never be undone. Even after the virus is gone in about a month, people will probably still be thinking \"I hope this guy doesn't have a virus\" whenever they're even 20 feet away from another person. Also, \"drastic measures\" are almost universally accepted now, and I find that extremely disturbing. I'm feeling sick to my stomach knowing that I'm one of very few people who aren't afraid of the virus and don't want any drastic or society-changing measures taken place. People don't even care about the economy anymore. They aren’t thinking about how millions of people could starve to death in a worldwide economic depression if these cancellations and quarantines aren’t lifted soon, not to mention how unhappy everyone will be during this virus and beyond. Even the term \"social distancing\" makes my bones chill! Just last February, I seriously thought I was already in the roaring 2020s. COVID-19 wasn't even affecting the economy until we were told that the virus can be spread through casual contact, and everyone believes that because scientists said so. The WHO can say that blinking causes cancer, and 99% of people would believe them just because they're scientists. I’m not saying that the WHO is evil and has a plan to destroy the American Dream, but that they were forced to come up with a solution fast. I can prove that this virus isn’t spread through casual contact, and I don’t need sources to do so, just scientific thinking. If people didn't start socially distancing until mid-March, and people who’ve had the virus weren't quarantined until two weeks after they got it (supposedly infecting people they've come in contact with during those two weeks), why did it take until now for the numbers to skyrocket everywhere else? You see, I think it’s just airborne, but I could be wrong (could be right too). Back in the Middle Ages, science was all about disproving stuff, but now, you either agree with everything the scientists say, or you're a \"conservatard redneck\". The American Dream is done for, and I find that very disheartening." ] }, { "feature_id": 5798, "label": "The financial and systemic barriers to accessing mental health care and medication due to insurance limitations.", "pearson_r": 0.5374188628981015, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.023335683580867468, "mean_pos": 4.934268474578857, "top_texts": [ "Thank God for insurance but yeah, they told me if my insurance didn’t cover it, I’d be paying that out-of-pocket.", "I can no longer afford to see a counselor for my depression Last year my insurance was fantastic. I could go to any counselor in my network and I had zero copay. It was great. \n\nI just got a new job this year which I'm happy about but my insurance is terrible. They won't pay for any of my counseling sessions until I pay a $1500 deductible first. After that, they will only pay 50% of the counselor's fee. Seeing a counselor now would cost me $500 a month. That's more than my car payment. I just can't afford to see a therapist anymore. \n\nIs anybody else in the same boat? Any advice? \n\nThanks", "SeekIng Adult ADHD Treatment Without Health Insurance Has anybody been treated for ADHD despite not carrying health insurance? If so, what were your out of pocket costs annually?" ] }, { "feature_id": 1373, "label": "The feature represents the subjective monitoring and evaluation of medication efficacy.", "pearson_r": 0.423012549558458, "pred_f1": 0.42857142857142855, "freq": 0.0355039006527623, "mean_pos": 3.2109386920928955, "top_texts": [ "It would make sense to me if you're more tired towards evening than in the morning and that's why your symptoms start to act up more then.", "Would it really make a difference if she loves you or not?", "How do you tell your meds are active? When do you know your meds are working? I take adderall xr and sr and typically when I feel thirsty af and nauseated even if I’ve eaten I know it’s working. \n\nHow do you know when yours is working? \n\n" ] }, { "feature_id": 5821, "label": "The feature represents the persistent, internal psychological state of chronic emptiness or an existential void.", "pearson_r": 0.39770045610267657, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.023381172242818476, "mean_pos": 4.82850980758667, "top_texts": [ "DAE get a chronic feeling of emptiness? Like a feeling of absolute nothing, a huge void that nothing can fill? \n\nI’ve been empty for so long trying to fill an unrelenting void in my gut thinking there has always been something missing inside of me. It’s like a visceral ache of nothingness. Like there has to be something more... and it hurts. \n\nI’ve tried filling this void with drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships, food, jobs etc and these things work at filling the black hole inside my gut only temporarily....... then I am right back to feeling empty and moving on to the next thing. \n\nIt’s exhausting.", "How can I fill the void? How can I stop feeling empty?\nI'll do anything even if it's just for a moment. ", "The emptiness never goes away, you just mask it and make the most of the mask, whilst you have it on. When I do something I try put my all into it and focus on it, - I also have reddit 🤣😅" ] }, { "feature_id": 212, "label": "The feature captures the perception of intentional, malicious, or manipulative behavior directed at the self by others.", "pearson_r": 0.3519672230905873, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.03409375213228103, "mean_pos": 3.2991180419921875, "top_texts": [ "They had bad intentions and would be in different locations watching me, or my pet, or my fiancé, as if they were waiting for something or looking for a weakness. I think they knew it scared me that they were there. They’d even sit in the back seat while I would drive places", "They knew it would fuck their children up, yet they preceded to do so.", "It was on purpose, so they did it to hurt me for something, I don't even know I did." ] }, { "feature_id": 5615, "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding the terminology, labeling, and social stigma associated with specific psychiatric diagnoses.", "pearson_r": 0.5130366618499584, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.0292492096344986, "mean_pos": 3.8240418434143066, "top_texts": [ "I've heard it thrown around that since the term \"narcissist\" is so stigmatized it's in need of being renamed. I have mixed feelings about it, but I'm curious what others would want to call it if it did come down to that.\nhttps://reddit.com/r/NPD/comments/u6dmb7/if_you_could_rename_npd_what_would_you_rename_it/", "I don't really care about it, and I do use it to describe myself sometimes. I understand they aren't the correct medical terms, but people on Tik Tok are actually breaking out about bing called it.", "That just screams \"america\" to me lmao.\n\nIn some countries it's completely NORMAL to be refered to as \"psychopath\" or \"sociopath\" by psychiatrists and psychologists. Every single of my doctors refered to me as psychopath without meaning it as an insult and without trying to demonize my disorder. I live in central europe and while it's not in the official diagnosis manual it's still broadly used.\n\nIt's non of your business how others label themselves." ] }, { "feature_id": 9688, "label": "The feature represents the identification, discussion, and personal experience of Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD).", "pearson_r": 0.3714841736599069, "pred_f1": 0.5333333333333333, "freq": 0.018968772033570634, "mean_pos": 5.75652551651001, "top_texts": [ "I feel like my OCPD won’t let me be anything else.", "Questions: What is your definition of OCPD? How does OCPD show up in your life? What are the key differences between OCPD and OCD?", "your partner will probably really benefit from your expressed desire to know them for who they are, ocpd traits and all. people with ocpd can struggle with emotional vulnerability and overwhelming anxiety, so those things might be important to be mindful of. reassurance and emotional support are key. so is healthy conflict. this rambled a bit because it's late, but i hope some of this is helpful. :)" ] }, { "feature_id": 5148, "label": "The intersection of creative expression and the struggle to maintain artistic motivation while experiencing mental health challenges.", "pearson_r": 0.4699113828161053, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.02021971023722337, "mean_pos": 5.353326797485352, "top_texts": [ "The whole point of art is self expression, that is what makes art beautiful & worth doing. Art does not have to be mature, aesthetically pleasing, or positive. Continue with what you are doing. Embrace your feelings & express them, be your most authentic self. Your art is perfect because it is authentic & honest, please don’t let your mother discourage you. But perhaps don’t show your mother any more of you work. She clearly doesn’t understand art & this is honestly a red flag that she is an unhealthy person for you to be around, at least without having more boundaries with her", "How can I tell the difference? As an artist I often use art as a way of coping or expression, especially with BPD. The problem is I jump from medium to medium and sometimes can’t quite figure out if I’m creating things because I love art or because my head is just all over the place. \n\nYesterday I started about 6 different projects, none of which I completely or even cared much for. It’s like I convince myself that the outcome isn’t worth it. \n\nI recently got into stuck and pokes (the first of the year) and I currently have 11 tattoos I’ve given myself. I’m afraid that once my head clears maybe I’ll regret it, but I truly love my tattoos, I just know that guilt likes to seep it’s way into all my happiness. I guess my question here though is how do you know when you’re doing too much? Like how do you know when you need to take a break from your art because you’re not sure if your vision is tainted? There’s also still that chance of creating something amazing in that mindset too. It’s all just so frustrating. ", "Artists, have you gotten back your love for painting? How? I've lost most of my pleasure in doing art and basically all else. It feels like hard work to push myself to derive enjoyment. I have depression which im taking something for but still. I want to get somewhere with my art, selling/exhibiting eventually but I have little ambition/drive to improve at all. My work ethic sucks and often when im painting something I just want it to be over with so I can go back to doing nothing. Has anyone else overcome this type of thing?" ] }, { "feature_id": 3813, "label": "The feature represents the complex emotional dynamics and interpersonal conflicts within the father-child relationship.", "pearson_r": 0.4938565368840273, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.024632110446471216, "mean_pos": 4.298394203186035, "top_texts": [ "But his dad is great, and supportive. Where did daddy issues come from?", "Scared of my father I don't know if it's right to post this here, but I hate my father so much. He always screams and shits around over everything. Whenever we talk, its always him talking and he never gives me the chance to, he treats me as if i'm a little girl and don't know shit. I can't look at him anymore, I don't talk to him that much anymore, just trying not to see him. It's kind of like I'm scared of him whenever I hear him talk. I can't stand him anymore 🥺😔 never had a nice father figure and prob never will.", "Told my dad about my struggles with school and depression And he said I wasted my potential. Said I should look for a retail job and get a manager job. Then he said I should look for a nice girl and settle down and he'd help with the downpayment for a home. Lol fml I'm 22 ffs. Shit sucks " ] }, { "feature_id": 5731, "label": "The feature represents academic performance anxiety and the inability to study due to mental health struggles.", "pearson_r": 0.3764332586884931, "pred_f1": 0.42857142857142855, "freq": 0.023062751609161415, "mean_pos": 4.574700355529785, "top_texts": [ "How can I study for my exams when there is just so many event happenings all week title. First it was the death of Soleimani a day before my first exam, which resulted in wasting all day thinking and talking about possible war against US. \n\nThen Iran responds by attacking US base, but as if that wasn't enough a damn airplane goes down. Was it an engine failure? Anti-aircraft missile? who knows but could you focus on calculating the dynamic power usage of transistors instead of being glued to news and discussion forums day after day when your country is going through so much shit?\n\nSo yeah, I have another exam tomorrow (in about 9 hours) and haven't begun studying yet, I blame Trump.", "Got a final Exam on Friday, shaking with worry I'm in pretty deep in the whole PTSD thing. High TES, High Anxiety, High Depression. \n\nLast time I had a University exam I blew my lid and had a ton of flashbacks during, granted I was just uncovering the extent at the time after repressing it for 6 months. \n\nI'm worried it's going to happen again. \nStudying is already difficult, I barely get sleep, can't concentrate, when I do I just stare at a page.\n\nThe rational part of me knows I'll have tried my best fail or don't every single day is a fight. I take my pills, go to the gym, clean, practice hygiene, attend classes. \n\nI can handle failure, if I dropped put I could find some peace working the lowest job, eventually find my place. \n\nThese Grey areas terrify me. I can't deal with them. \nWhat do?\n\n ", "Fell asleep and missed a final exam after studying the whole night for it I am so broken. I was gonna fail some courses anyway because I couldn't drag myself to study for them but this one I managed to prepare quite well. I don't even know. I fell asleep just 40 minutes before the exam, after completing the revision. I don't how ill drag myself out of this one." ] }, { "feature_id": 9484, "label": "The feature represents the practical management of executive dysfunction through external organizational tools and reminder systems.", "pearson_r": 0.5543320306264289, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.025086997065981304, "mean_pos": 4.198770523071289, "top_texts": [ "What system do you use to organize stuff and help keep your shit together? I'm in serious need of some sort of...personal organizer/calendar/notes system, to keep all appointments in and to jot down stuff I need to remember. Nothing complicated or fancy, ideally free or low-cost, and preferably something less detailed than the typical day planner but more structured than freeform notes or blank pages. \n\nI have at my disposable a PC, tablet, phone (a basic budget Android smart phone). I'm also open to using journal/notebook/other paper systems as well.\n\nWhat do you guys use? Is it digital or analog? How does it work for you? What would you recommend for me based on the above criteria?", "How to make myself keep a diary (for appointments, not a journal) Hello redditors, I am a first time poster, but I've been lurking here for advice for a while.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nOne of the most helpful ADHD tips I've received was about Habitica, the habit forming, game playing app. Before I discovered it on this reddit group, I had real problems with keeping a to-do list. I would write myself a list, then promptly lose it or never look at it again. I was never able to keep one for more than a few days and they served no purpose whatsoever, it didn't stop me from procrastinating or forgetting. Habitica finally turned that around and by turning my to-do, daily tasks and habit lists into a game, I am finally able to start completing tasks more efficiently. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI was wondering whether anyone had any similar diary app or tips. I do the same with a diary as I used to do with a to-do list - I'll buy one and spend ages filling it out, then I'll lose it or never look at it again. People have suggested I use google calendar but the same happens really, I only very occasionally make an entry for my google calendar, and even when I do it serves no purpose because I don't look at it. It's very frustrating at work because I can never remember when my meetings are etc.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nHas anyone found a life changing life hack for keeping track of what's happening when?\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThanks!", "There really needs to be an app for getting ready in the morning. Getting ready in the morning work for is THE WORST. My meds haven’t kicked in, I’m constrained for time, tired, and have a lot of things to do. \n\nThere should be an app (or is there already?) that has \n\n1)alarms that don’t let you snooze or sound an alarm every minute that you do snooze. \n\n2) countdown timer for each task you need to do (you have 5 minutes left to get dressed, etc.)\n\n3) countdown to when you have to leave. \n\n4) reminders for anything special you had to do or something you can’t forget. \n\nBasically I just need a fairy godmother nagging me on the morning." ] }, { "feature_id": 5911, "label": "The feature represents the active seeking, receiving, or navigating of interpersonal advice regarding mental health and personal challenges.", "pearson_r": 0.501131586644533, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.02852139104328246, "mean_pos": 3.6698646545410156, "top_texts": [ "Therapy Advice I have my very first Therapy appointment on the first of April. (Funny coincidence)\n\nDo you guys have some advice for me.\nI am going alone into this and I have so many things on my mind right now ._.", "How can I tell my parents that their \"advice\" is hurtful? I've just recently opened up to my parents about my years of depression, but they're not aware of how bad it's been. I don't think there's any point in scaring them with that knowledge, but I would like to figure out a way to get them to stop giving me advice about dealing with it. I know they mean well, but it makes me feel like screaming sometimes. I don't communicate well at all verbally, so I thought about showing them the following paragraph which I wrote during one of those brain-won't-shut-off kind of sleepless nights. Would it get my point across?\n\n\nDepression is like a bulldozer that runs you down and then reverses back over you, leaving you as flat as possible. Recovery feels impossible. Feeling feels impossible. \nThe way people react when you tell them about your depression makes you feel like you've asked them to hold your actual heart in their hands. They don't really want that responsibility. You can see the panic in their eyes as they frantically try to ground their minds and figure out how to protect themselves from your neediness. You can feel yourself being transformed into something fragile; a thin vase on the very edge of a shelf. One wrong breath on their part and you'll shatter. That's the view from their new eyes. But then something shifts, and they are certain they know the cause of the darkness in your mind. It's your religion...all that bowing and scraping to a cruel, selfish god. That would be hard on anyone, wouldn't it? Or no, it's the opposite; something sinful in your life, something unconfessed and toxic. Better repent of your sins or you'll always be like this. They know the answers and the solutions. Pray more. Quit church. Memorize bible verses. Love yourself more.\nEveryone seems to know what you need to do. They kindly share what has worked for them when they've been \"sad\". You know what sadness feels like. This isn't it. How do you explain that what you deal with goes beyond that? Beyond feeling a little low now and then? Your attempt to explain the difference comes out weak and halfhearted, because you know there is no use.\nThese people give advice, yes, because they are concerned, but they also now feel responsible for your mental health. And that's frightening. So they do their part, they push the vase back to safety by sharing advice and can now back away. It leaves you slightly amused. Their efforts are like spitting at a forest fire. \n\nThe numbness you feel is the worst. It's scary, but it's easy to hide, so you can slap a smile on your face and live another day in your shell of a body.", "Hi. So just like the title says, I’m looking for some advice on……Idk probably everything lol." ] }, { "feature_id": 468, "label": "The feature represents maladaptive daydreaming and the tendency to retreat into immersive, escapist fantasies as a coping mechanism for reality.", "pearson_r": 0.7049518771739403, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.026542634248413584, "mean_pos": 3.920374631881714, "top_texts": [ "I wish fantasy was real So tired of the real world. What a depressing, soul sucking place we live in. I want a world where i make the right choice more often, where i have the willpower to do things i don't want to do. \n\nI want the fantastic magic and talking creatures and the amazing plots to involve me. I love to read and watch fantasy, but its more and more painful the more i think about how much i want it, knowing its not going to happen.\n\nI'm tired of always making the wrong choice and never having the willpower to make myself do the things i need to.", "That is not exactly fantasy though. I do have social fantasies. They often (but not always) involve me being talented or sociable, and others enjoying what I share with them. Very self-involved, I know. That's fantasy land for you.", "For me, the fantasies inhibit me from doing something useful, or -even worse- make me do stupid things because the line between fantasy and reality gets a bit blurred. This is obviously a bad thing which I would like to change." ] }, { "feature_id": 1466, "label": "The feature represents the conceptual distinction between introversion and extroversion as personality traits.", "pearson_r": 0.4270713489651561, "pred_f1": 0.7272727272727273, "freq": 0.028157481747674393, "mean_pos": 3.665031671524048, "top_texts": [ "I'v gotten the impression from some that they think having AvPD means they are an extroverted person locked inside because of AvPD but who's to say you're not an introvert who enjoys spending your time alone, it's fine being an introvert, you don't have to be outgoing and all that stuff. \n\n\nFor myself i had a hard time accepting that i am a somewhat introvert, i really like spending time with myself, however i do like doing stuff with others, and that's where the problems come out. ", "I suppose I do? The most extroverted person in my life is my niece. She loves to talk, which of course will wear me out after a little while. Thankfully she is caring and respectful, so when I say I need \"alone time\" or \"quiet time\" she is willing to oblige.", "Can an introvert have ADHD? Hey, I'm pretty introverted, since childhood, and I was wondering if introverts can have ADHD, like can naturally introverted people have ADHD?" ] }, { "feature_id": 6449, "label": "The theme is the conceptualization and evaluation of self-awareness in the context of mental health and personality disorders.", "pearson_r": 0.6632889270572977, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.0255873723474424, "mean_pos": 4.032606601715088, "top_texts": [ "you talk like anyone can become truly self aware when he has a personality-disorder\n\nif you were self aware completely, you wouldn't had the pd to begin with\n\nunless you don't give a fuck ofc", "Some are assholes, some aren’t. A lot of that is dependent on their self-awareness.", "I feel like there's some kind of paradox here. There is a situational self-awareness as it relates to your surroundings and an internal self-awareness. I'd say I'm highly self-aware when it comes to my surroundings because I lack a narrative-self while my internal self-awareness is probably 0. A lot of neurotypicals have a higher internal self-awareness because they can process and experience their feelings and whatever have you but that doesn't translate over to situational self-awareness." ] }, { "feature_id": 274, "label": "The feature represents the conceptualization, identification, and clinical definition of delusions.", "pearson_r": 0.6987820801773917, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.017695089498942388, "mean_pos": 5.797801971435547, "top_texts": [ "is there a way to get over a delusion? I'm not diagnosed with anything because I've never seen a professional, but I've been having delusions since i was a kid. I've become aware of when a delusion is a delusion, for the most part, but I can't figure out how to NOT believe in it and forget about it. \n\ndoes anyone have any tips? it would be really appreciated.", "A delusion is when you still believe something despite evidence otherwise. It's not delusional to be jealous. You're being ignorant. Cut it out <3", "When you say delusions do you mean you believe these things and nobody can convince you otherwise, or you mean you strongly feel this is the case, but you or others can talk you out of these beliefs?" ] }, { "feature_id": 9718, "label": "The feature represents the struggle with behavioral impulsivity and the lack of impulse control.", "pearson_r": 0.4883521379322637, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.023381172242818476, "mean_pos": 4.262758731842041, "top_texts": [ "How to deal with impulsivity? How do you guys deal with this? I am so impulsive, and can’t help myself in that moment, whether it’s buying something I definitely don’t need, even if I know it’ll leave me financially short later. I also say things without thinking, make off the cuff decisions about big things and just generally go wherever my impulses take me. \n\nWhat tips do you have for dealing with this?", "Impulsivity Anyone else have a huge problem with being impulsive because of emotions? Then that behavior usually ends up affecting myself or people I care about in a super bad way. Had this problem my whole life.", "Impulse Control So, I'm normally a very responsible young adult. However, about once a month or every other month I find myself in a terrible situation. I go out on the weekend but I find my impulses taking over. Not turning a drink down or trying to get included so I don't feel left out. I stopped taking my meds bc I didn't like how I felt while on them. This has become a big issue with my significant other. Any ideas or thoughts on what other people have done in the past to help keep your impulses in check, and not letting yourself get carried away?" ] }, { "feature_id": 8889, "label": "The feature represents the clinical conceptualization and personal experience of Schizotypal Personality Disorder (StPD).", "pearson_r": 0.4579439252336448, "pred_f1": 0.5882352941176471, "freq": 0.021334182455023085, "mean_pos": 4.64385461807251, "top_texts": [ "In its essence, I think STPD is characterized by a different pattern of thinking that at its best leads to creative, out-of-the-box ideas and at its worst is incredibly distracting to the point of being debilitating.", "I believe that like other StPD symptoms, interpersonal relationship issues are always present but fluctuate in intensity.", "If you think you have STPD, you should take the SPQ or SPQ-BR screening test. If you score high, then take it to your therapist, psychologist, etc and talk to them about it. They can talk to you about why you do or don't fit a certain diagnosis." ] }, { "feature_id": 9093, "label": "The feature represents the experience of visual disturbances, hyper-vigilance, or intrusive visual perceptions related to anxiety and paranoia.", "pearson_r": 0.6032771183846684, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.02531444037573635, "mean_pos": 3.8289918899536133, "top_texts": [ "Yes!! \nI tend to just avoid eye-contact in general, but then I'll glance at something I didn't mean to. Sometimes I'll glance at a part of someone's face, and then they'll touch that spot, as if they're wondering if something was there, and that's why I was looking. It's so awkward.", "Anyone else see things out of the corner of their eyes? Hello, I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and generalised anxiety disorder.\nI see things moving out of the corner of my eyes alot, sometimes it's in the shape of a human figure other times it's just black shapes it use to other happen every now and again but now it is happening everyday, multiple times a day and they freak me out. \nI was wondering if anyone else experiences these", "Hyper-vigilance and hyper-active peripheral vision Whenever I'm in a class or something. I'm always... focusing on one person with my peripheral vision. I'm focusing on them so much, I can't even see what's directly in front of me. It pisses me off, and I'm sure it pisses them off too. I don't even want to be looking at them through my peripheral vision, but I almost can't stop and I'm kind of afraid they'll \"catch me\" looking at them. Or... it'll annoy them bad enough to spark something. Do you guys have any thoughts? " ] }, { "feature_id": 5041, "label": "The feature represents discourse regarding the use, efficacy, and medical necessity of antipsychotic medication.", "pearson_r": 0.6494514051734225, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.023540382559647008, "mean_pos": 4.075074672698975, "top_texts": [ "Psychosis symptons are caused by too high dopamine levels. Opposite of what you said. Anti-psychotics work by decreasing dopamine levels.", "yeah it doesn't make any sense for them to prescribe APs for drug Induced psychosis... but I guess nothing those idiots do make sense", "OP doesn't need APs at all for drug Induced psychosis. Drug Induced psychosis is supposed to wear off on its own... they should come off all together" ] }, { "feature_id": 5168, "label": "Sensory processing sensitivity and auditory overstimulation.", "pearson_r": 0.4706952665352311, "pred_f1": 0.5882352941176471, "freq": 0.020811062842586485, "mean_pos": 4.538092136383057, "top_texts": [ "My sharp hearing has never been of advantage to me... I would just like to listen to music without wanting to claw my ears off", "Not because it was bad or anything, I was just being overwhelmed by the music. It wasn't until years later that I discovered I had an issue with loud noises being overwhelming and discovered I could just stuff napkins in my ears lol", "I can’t do white noise because it’s a million different sounds at once which overwhelms my brain, but I can do rain or underwater. It’s very quiet, once in a while sound, and that works. I can’t listen to music for too long because my head is already chaotic and loud and colorful and music can add an overwhelming amount of noise and color." ] }, { "feature_id": 4149, "label": "Aversion or discomfort regarding physical touch and intimacy.", "pearson_r": 0.5409537298888264, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.02449564446061819, "mean_pos": 3.7529802322387695, "top_texts": [ "39 and I don't like people randomly touching me. Hugs depends who it is and how well I know them. In relationships it takes me awhile to get used to all the hand holding and cuddling.", "Since hugs themselves aren't the issue and it's more that hugs aren't normalized, you could take steps towards trying to normalize hugs in your friend group / in your environment, if you wanted to. If you did, then after a while that uncomfortable feeling would go away. I'm not saying you'd be cool with hugging strangers, but you'd be able to show platonic affection to your friends without it feeling weird, y'know? You'd essentially just be learning a new type of hug lmao", "Direct physical contact in general was always an issue for me but I had to sort of force myself to learn to both give and receive hugs when it was necessary." ] }, { "feature_id": 174, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of romantic relationship struggles and the impact of mental health conditions on dating experiences.", "pearson_r": 0.3536301415744435, "pred_f1": 0.6363636363636364, "freq": 0.017990765801623947, "mean_pos": 5.09381103515625, "top_texts": [ "Dating sucks Anyone feel like you have trouble dating? I am in the process of getting diagnosed and I feel like my motor mouth, general all over the place vibe, and tendency to interrupt turns so many people off. Just had a date last night and I could tell how turned off she was. Hits hard.", "Any tips on dating with depression? I could use anything at this point please and thanks :)", "That's why i dont suggest \"dating\" in the commonly accepted interpretation if you have AvPD. You are taking a too long step and could end up being too hurt too soon. Expecially with dating site, which is mostly, even for normal people, useless for man and unsatisfying for women . But if you are in a good mental state and feel like you are open up and in the path to recovery, sure, go for it." ] }, { "feature_id": 5612, "label": "The feature represents the experience of emotional distress, isolation, or trauma specifically triggered by birthdays.", "pearson_r": 0.4395972914061599, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.016102986330657085, "mean_pos": 5.502764701843262, "top_texts": [ "This week is my birthday but I don't feel like doing anything Hello,\n\n\nAs the title says, my birthday is less than 7 days from now and I haven't even thought of any activity to celebrate it.\n\n\nI'm feeling really depressed as my birthday comes closer and closer and I wish I could just sleep through all of it.\n\n\nAny advice would be greatly helpful.", "Hey, you're not alone. I have had lonely birthdays where i just kind of cried because I had no one to celebrate it with. Just know, you're not alone. I'm sorry for how you're feeling. Happy birthday, dear one. Peace and love your way!", "This is the first year I've made close, genuine friends since middle school, and also the first time that any friends want to celebrate my birthday. And Im not looking forward to it at all. It's my first year of college and I've finally made genuine friends after a long phase of being a loner and depressed. This is the first time in recent memory that anyone wanted to celebrate my birthday (outside immediate family members, who only do it out of convention and etiquette; typically it's just going out to eat whatever the hell they want so they can take instagram pics of the food), let alone 4 friends. I wasn't planning on telling them about it at all, but it slipped in conversation, and all day today they've been asking what I wanted to do for my birthday and/or if I wanted to eat something in particular, and so on. My birthday is 8 days away, yet the fact that they care so much to the point where they want to go out of their ways to plan something actually makes me a bit emotional thinking about it. I told them it didn't matter to me and that they should pick whatever they thought would be good, but they refused and kept telling me that I **needed** to be the one to pick since its my birthday. Again, I felt incredibly touched at hearing this, it's like I was in another universe or something - I was not familiar with these kinds of friendships at all. \n\n\nExcept I feel like I don't deserve any of this; like a huge overwhelming burden falling onto me; like I'm supposed to put on a front and act ecstatic when the day comes. I don't know what it is, maybe it's a biproduct of years of feeling neglected and maybe I've developed some degree of cynicism, but I genuinely don't feel like a birthday is anything worth celebrating. I feel like it's just any other day, and that them planning all this is just gonna make me feel like even more of a buzz kill when the day comes. But funny enough, when any of **their** birthdays come around, I'd probably be the first one to start planning some sort of party or activity. As far as what I want to do on my birthday, I literally don't know, and I don't think anything special is worth doing, which they'll be disapointed to hear. \n\nFrom what I can tell, the reason they wanted to be friends with me in the first place is because I'm super good at listening, being down to earth, helping them with their problems, and even being really funny at times. However, I know for a fact that when I become the centre of attention, I won't be able to handle it and I'll end up completely killing the mood because of how burdensome I feel towards them.\n\n\nMainly just a vent thread, not sure where I was going with this, but just so many things going through my mind, to the point where I'm even considering just locking myself in my room the day of and lying to them, saying I was really sick. Why am I like this.\n\n\n\nTldr: First time I've made friends that genuinely want to celebrate my birthday, but I don't feel worthy of having a day dedicated just to me, like who the fuck am I to have everyone's day revolve around. I feel like a burden and I don't know how to deal with it. Don't think I can let them go through with this whole birthday celebration thing. Even if I did, I genuinely don't even know how parties are meant to go, so what should I tell them I want to do? I feel like shit. Like total shit right now." ] }, { "feature_id": 9731, "label": "The feature identifies discussions specifically centered on Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and its associated social stigma or interpersonal dynamics.", "pearson_r": 0.5990228006543861, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.0161939636545591, "mean_pos": 5.460958003997803, "top_texts": [ "This. Borderlines are EXTREMELY emotionally needy and Schizoids are EXTREMELY emotionally unavailable. This inevitably leads to conflict.", "Borderline is especially stigmatized. I'm so sorry you were treated that way. Thank you for maintaining empathy for our community. <3", "I'll be honest, I think the whole \"borderlines are failed narcissists\" thing is kinda bullshit. There's different forms of subjective suffering in each one, and imo some benefits in each one. Just different coping mechanisms. As someone with NPD, personally I'd rather be a borderline because at least then I could truly connect to people" ] }, { "feature_id": 9733, "label": "The feature represents the internal struggle with feelings of self-worth and the perceived deservingness of love and acceptance.", "pearson_r": 0.4269595235417474, "pred_f1": 0.6923076923076923, "freq": 0.02329019491891646, "mean_pos": 3.7162528038024902, "top_texts": [ "Mental health: A look at what you *really* deserve. After working an overnight shift I text my husband “I had a lot of things I had planned on getting done today, but I’m just really sad and feeling tired so I think I’ll just sleep when I get home.” As he always supports the best he can “You deserve it honey, you’ve had a long night.”\n\nI was a liar and I knew it. I wasn’t simply just sleepy tired, I was soul tired. You know the kind, where keeping your eyes open hurts you and smiling isn’t even an option. You feel short tempered by people you pass on the street for just *being* there, which makes you feel even more pitiful. Who the hell is annoyed by someone’s presence when your driving in your car?! Me. I was. It was written on the wall, friends. I was having a bout of the good ole dark monster, and I told myself (knowing better) that I could just sleep it away. You know what happens when you try to snooze depression away... it’s like hitting your alarm snooze button. It’s still there. I knew that. \n\nThe lies I will tell myself when I’m in the hole are everlasting! “You deserve to sleep, you don’t need to shower, you can fold the laundry tomorrow, don’t worry about the clutter on the counter-it’s not hurting anyone, that return has 30 days to get done, YOU DESERVE TO BE LAZY.” Ahhh those lies ring loud and clear and I had to do the hardest thing I knew- call myself on my own bullshit. \n\nWhat do you *really* deserve, Bird? You deserve to rest when you get done, and sleep if you have time. That laundry will wrinkle and take up real estate in your home if you don’t get it done, as will the clutter, and that return that you’d rather have the money for. So I took the stuff back, and I got the laundry done, and cleared the counter. I cleaned out our spare room, changed bedding and put things away, and I made an unhealthy, albeit simple lunch for my husband (10 minutes after he got home) and spent some time with him. I rested with his head on my leg while he took a nap before returning to work, and then took a shower and slapped some lotion on my face. I did what I deserved. \n\nAs humans, we are prone to things. Paper cuts, bad hair days, and excuses are just a few. If you’re a human who suffers from mental illness, excuses are probably prominent for you as they are for me. I spent many years in therapy, spending money to be told that I am the only one who can fix me. The doctors, medication, and tools were no good if I didn’t take advantage of them. 10 years later I’m off medication, which I’ve replaced with the cognitive behavioral tools I learned from my therapist who has been gone a few months. Her leaving was the hardest to take, if I’m being honest. Through tears and self inflicted wounds and days that turned into nights that turned out to be a nightmare when I woke up anyway, I have learned what I deserve. I hope that you too, can find a way to see your worth no matter how long the darkness has held you, no matter how deep that fucking hole is. The sun comes up every day, a new dawn will rise and you **DESERVE** to enjoy it. \n\nAll my strength and a helping hand to pull you out of the hole. \n\n💕,\n🐥 Bird", "Get out of here with your “you don’t deserve love” rhetoric. I deserve love. You deserve love. Other people who are trying to recover from their illnesses deserve love. Having a disorder does not automatically default to someone not deserving love.", "Anyone else feel like they aren’t worthy to have friends?? Lately I’ve been having issues trusting what my best friends tell me because for some reason my mind won’t let me accept what they tell me as the truth. I’ve been impatient, snarky, rude, and all kinds of jerky to them. I have apologized for my behavior, and while they’ve accepted it and forgiven me I still feel like such an ass for what I did.\n\nMy emotions got the better of me and I unfairly lashed out at the people I love the most in my life. I don’t feel like I deserve to have them at all, despite what they tell me. I always feel like I’m not good enough for them. Who’d want to be friends with me anyway? I’m not worth the time or effort." ] }, { "feature_id": 10067, "label": "The feature represents chronic, pathological boredom and the persistent inability to find stimulation or interest in daily activities.", "pearson_r": 0.47790433377405095, "pred_f1": 0.7, "freq": 0.017899788477721928, "mean_pos": 4.754031181335449, "top_texts": [ "For me, boredom occurs when things are too repetitive or normal. Things become numb and mundane. Normal just doesn’t cut it anymore. I need something intense to pull me out of the numbness.", "is being bored a common trait? i get bored at everything i do. nothing is new or interesting. watching a new movie? i can figure it out within minutes of watching. nothing excites me anymore\n\nTL:DR is boredom related to adhd?", "Does anybody else feel bored all the time Do you also have a constant feeling of boredom even though you're doing something because nothing interests you anymore? And you're just doing things to pass the time even though you dont enjoy it" ] }, { "feature_id": 10019, "label": "The feature represents discourse regarding the systemic challenges, societal perceptions, and personal experiences of homelessness.", "pearson_r": 0.7656731898516675, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.018627607068938068, "mean_pos": 4.51823091506958, "top_texts": [ "I'd never heard this idea until recently, and I'm starting to see it cropping up more, always in opposition to any kind of support (or even empathy) for the homeless - any attempt to help the homeless is pointless because 'most' homeless people want to be homeless; therefore housing programs/assistance, mental health & substance abuse support are wasted because the homeless are too lazy to get themselves out of homelessness and 'enjoy' their condition, because they don't have to work, because they don't have to pay bills, because they don't have responsibilities, because they're lazy etc. I strenuously disagree with this, and I feel like it's an attempt to move the goalposts; there's a growing awareness that homeless people may not necessarily be homeless because they got themselves into that position and they 'deserve' it, but because of substance abuse issues and mental health problems, coupled with a breakdown in social network. But that's a lie, or 'lefty propaganda', for some people; they want to believe, despite whatever legitimate reasons some homeless may have for not being in shelters, say, that it's a *moral failing* \\- going full circle, they don't deserve help because their homelessness is a consequence of decisions they made. Thoughts?", "If the homeless who choose this life are happy or do it for fun, please let them be. & what harm to the rest ? Would it be such a bad thing if anyone could choose to live happily freely without care without social constraints constrictions impositions restrictions that the greedy powerful adults impose on the rest Pray look at our adults mess the environmental & other species demise °radation of this world. humans have created in the busy-ness of work in the aftermath of technologies the debris providing us with more & more useless commodities Why not allow a few homeless dwellers to remind us of the simplicity the less is more in living life. Let the homeless who choose be as free as the birds without worry for the morrow or live carefree as the little children, said the jewish guy who supposedly died on the cross", "I've noticed usually people who have been in the street for a while or traveling around, and managed to avoid frying their brains with drugs or just losing it from the life, have really different opinions and ways of thinking compared to the just homeless sleeping in motels or shelters or cars and often trying to work at the same time. Do you hate other homeless aka \"hobos?\" The people in the tents? Or do you wish to or try to help them? Do you resent the middle and upper classes or do you think they're entitled to what they have?" ] }, { "feature_id": 6010, "label": "The feature represents the anticipation and anxiety associated with attending a first-time mental health consultation.", "pearson_r": 0.45418259942043, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.02449564446061819, "mean_pos": 3.40691876411438, "top_texts": [ "What should I say during my first consultation appointment? What have you said?? Dear fellow compatriot,\n\nI am going to my first appointment next Tuesday. I have never seeing psychiatrist before. I don't know how should I start? What should I say when the psychiatrist letting you to sit in front of him/her? What did you say when they asked you \"why are you here\" or \"what can I help you with\" or same type of questions? I have tried to wrote down some points but I need some insights. Thank you for willing to read this nonsense questions.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nRegards,\n\ngiogno", "I have an appointment with a psychiatrist for the first time but I'm scared to go I don't even know what I'm scared of. ", "I want to feel better I have an appointment tomorrow (my first one) with a professional to hopefully discuss my mental disorder and help me in the end. I don't know what's going to happen and I'm really nervous and paranoid but I'm willing to take a chance at trying to get better and improve my life." ] }, { "feature_id": 2309, "label": "The theme is the academic, professional, or clinical study and practice of psychology.", "pearson_r": 0.5336000974881928, "pred_f1": 0.7272727272727273, "freq": 0.023767825869402053, "mean_pos": 3.5012872219085693, "top_texts": [ "Can you explain what you mean by Bear Psychology? Cause this question doesn't make sense to me lmao", "Personally I got into psychology through social and personality psychology as they were the most exciting as a teenager(who wanted to understand people around him better), and it also covers most of the basics that reach out to the other fields as a major part of most fields are based on internal components of people's psyche and external relations to others.", "Hello everyone. I’m a 22 year old Liberal Arts graduate and my undergrad thesis was a Freudian reading of Franz Kafka —which, when I look back at, has many areas that need to be worked on. Upon discovering Klein and Lacan, I have been really interested and attracted to their theories, and in the near future, once I complete my Masters, I want to be trained as a psychoanalyst. However, the country that I am from has a very Freudian training, which I do not want to undertake — no disrespect to Freud. I’m hoping that I undertake my psychoanalytical training in either the UK or Canada, but I’m fearful about one thing: I haven’t majored in psychology (due to my disillusionment with standardisation of it and many other factors, which are out of the scope of this post). I have been interested in psychoanalysis ever since I was in high school and have read a major chunk of Freud’s work in my second year of undergrad. I’m only worried that my lack of formal education in psychology, although I had a couple of papers in it, might get in the way. Any input from a trained psychoanalyst or someone with a similar background would be immensely helpful. Thank you.\nhttps://reddit.com/r/psychoanalysis/comments/tz58u1/i_did_not_major_in_psychology_but_have_a_strong/" ] }, { "feature_id": 8469, "label": "The feature represents the experience of executive dysfunction and physical paralysis associated with depressive or neurodivergent withdrawal.", "pearson_r": 0.6244285800164556, "pred_f1": 0.7619047619047619, "freq": 0.026087747628903497, "mean_pos": 3.1891376972198486, "top_texts": [ "Is there a correlation between ADHD and not leaving the house? I haven’t been outside in 27 hours and it’s going to extend bc it’s 1:52 AM right now. ", "I can’t get out of bed It’s never been this bad before. I can’t sleep before 4 AM, and when I wake up in the morning, I don’t care what classes I have. I text my acquaintances every day and say that can’t go. I just stay in bed. As much as I may want to leave, for whatever reason, i can’t physically do it. \n\nI couldn’t care less about my marks, or what I’m missing, but in the same breath I’m truly anxious about it. \n\nSometimes I put on dirty clothes and go get a coffee, then come back to bed, and drink the coffee so that I’m conscious enough to take in whatever YouTube videos are on my list for the day. Who gives a shit about the online homework pile that I’ve missed, anyway? Or the classes going on right now? \n\nNobody has even noticed. Nobody has asked how my grades are, or how I’m feeling, or why I’m missing classes, or why I’m not showering. I don’t blame my parents because I don’t live with them. But everyone else? Really?\n\nI thought I had friends at least, but I guess not. It’s not like I go out to see them, anyway. I can’t even get out of fucking bed. ", "When you can't get up off the sofa/out of bed Sometimes when I'm alone I find myself stuck, unable to move from the sofa. Caught in a trance of scrolling or just lying there. Today I did what I always did, google my experience in the hope I'm not alone and can find some advice. Today that was \"can't get up from the sofa\". All that came up were a few old forums on websites I'd never heard of and how to move furniture which I was happy that people experienced that problem more than being unable to pull themselves up. Anyway to get to the point, I read one of these old forums and there was one comment that said \"start by moving your fingers and toes, then your legs and arms, it will feel silly but just move your body, then start shimmying around and wriggling. It's so much easier to get up when you're already moving!\" and holy shit it worked! From feeling stuck and trapped in my body to wriggling my toes and now I'm up and going to do the dishes! So I'm celebrating this small win and had to share in case it can help someone else get up when you just feel like you physically can't move too. Sending love x" ] }, { "feature_id": 4379, "label": "The feature represents the psychological distress and loss of executive function experienced when external structure is removed during weekends.", "pearson_r": 0.5908573652206621, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.02203925671526372, "mean_pos": 3.7666752338409424, "top_texts": [ "Anyone else got the feeling that weekends are worse than workdays? Basically the title. Weekends are incredible rough for me because i have no purpose on these days, i play games that aren't fun anymore and sit in my room for 12 hours until the next day to do the same until it's Monday again, where i work again. On workdays i at least have somewhat of a purpose but on weekends not. It just makes me feel even more depressed and abandoned. \n\nAnyone else feeling this way as well or is it just me?", "High perfomer during week, empty during weekends Since years back I have an issue with being off work, at work I am what many would categorize as a high performer - taking on massive tasks and projects with an near endless drive. Then comes weekend - Anxiety starts already when leaving work fridays, waking up saturdays my only feeling is that I want to sleep til Monday \n\nI have zero drive in getting anything done, have a constant pressure on my chest \n\nHave been in therapy, felt we where getting nowhere \n\nAnyone have they same feelings?", "Sunday: I'm going to get my life together starting today. Monday: yeah nvm This happens every weekend I feel really motivated on Sunday morning and as the day goes on I don't actually do anything productive and by Sunday night/Monday I'm miserable again what gives?" ] }, { "feature_id": 6310, "label": "The feature identifies discussions centered on fictional narratives, media analysis, and true crime character studies.", "pearson_r": 0.6650290649138894, "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947, "freq": 0.021743580412582165, "mean_pos": 3.811068296432495, "top_texts": [ "1- Wednesday’s visions\n2- The monster in the woods\n3- Goody Addams\n4- Bianca’s mom\n5- Weems and her shapeshifting\n6- The love triangle with Wednesday\n7- Enid’s inability to wolf out\n8- The Addams parents’ secret\n9- Rowan’s future prediction", "I’m wondering if somehow the scene is set for Kendall to somehow blame himself for Logan’s death. It could be a scene reminiscent of ep 1’s stroke. Then the scene at the lake that’s been rumored to happen might take place, exploring Kendall’s re-emerging passive suicidality. Whatever he does will be viewed by his siblings & team as going too far. Even though he will have finally won the battle, he will have lost the war.", "with Michael being killed before he moved into the MH, Vivien never broke things off with Ben to begin with, because the reason she stopped talking to Ben was because he affiliated himself with Michael." ] }, { "feature_id": 7371, "label": "The feature represents an interest in or inquiry regarding Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and related therapeutic modalities.", "pearson_r": 0.5818304107053618, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.016466895626265153, "mean_pos": 5.026397228240967, "top_texts": [ "Alternatives to DBT since it's not available where I live? Perhaps CBT? Hey everyone,\n\nI live in a third world country (Tunisia, to be specific) and I've talked to many mental health practitioners asking whether they specialize in DBT. All of them said they weren't and they instead offer CBT. \n\nDo you think it would be as effective? \nShould I even consider it?", "DBT is just about tricking you into believing your shitty life is good enough I don’t need DBT, I need a GIRLFRIEND NOW", "I start DBT next week What am I getting myself into?\n\n(note: I know what DBT is but I'm scared af about actually doing it)" ] }, { "feature_id": 8171, "label": "The feature represents the discussion and recommendation of mindfulness practices and wellness interventions for mental health management.", "pearson_r": 0.6856513338503419, "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947, "freq": 0.019196215343325676, "mean_pos": 4.1751837730407715, "top_texts": [ "Stuff that's supposed to help Meditation\nExercise\nFish Oil\nVitamin D\nCold Showers\nNature\nSocialising\nGratitude\n\nWhat am I missing?", "Meditation - I would download head space the first 10 sessions with it are free and you can decide if you want to continue or not for a fee, but it is a good starting place for beginner mediators. I started with head space but now do unguided meditation before and after I sleep. I listen to this I like the elephant so that's why I chose it. If you don't like this one you can just search up unguided meditation music on YouTube or have no music up to you. But I would use head space if you are a beginner at least for the first 10 sessions", "Interesting! I googled Metta meditation and it seems neat. I’ll try it tonight. I’ve been practicing meditation and I think this will be a good thing to add to my toolbox. I’ll also look into fish oil to see if it might work for me. Thanks so much for all the advice!" ] }, { "feature_id": 8247, "label": "The feature represents the psychological construct of radical acceptance as a coping mechanism for life's circumstances.", "pearson_r": 0.6633249580710799, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.021470648440876112, "mean_pos": 3.7268853187561035, "top_texts": [ "Ah, the art of acceptance. Nothing has helped me more through life than simply accepting that things are the way they are, people are the way they are, I am the way I am - and the things I'm not content with, I can choose to work on or try to change for myself if I want to. Nothing more, nothing less.", "I don't see my life getting better. Good things never go my way and I don't have the energy to fight it anymore. I have accepted I will more than likely be miserable for the next 60 years of my life and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. It seems like the burden is lighter now. Life sucks, my life is a joke, no woman will ever love me, I will never amount to anything, I will never be happy, I am bound to fail everything I do, nothing will ever work out in my favor, but at least, I can say I have found some peace of mind. It's not like I'll make it out of this shitshow alive anyways. \nhttps://reddit.com/r/depressed/comments/7pb09m/i_have_accepted_depression_as_a_part_of_my_life/", "Thank you for your amazing reply. I really do need to remember that radical acceptance is always an option!" ] }, { "feature_id": 8754, "label": "The feature represents the emotional impact of complex or traumatic relationships with grandparents.", "pearson_r": 0.42722802538985866, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.016444151295289648, "mean_pos": 4.805591583251953, "top_texts": [ "Thought that most people just had sh*tty grandparents, that sweet ones were a thing of the past. One set of mine were horrible, grandma is a diagnosed narc & has held a g*n to me over a batch of cookies.\nOther set, grandpa died early, grandma moved in w/ us after for a few years as she declined violently from Alzheimer’s and dementia. She was very violent and did grotesque things I wouldn’t want y’all to read about.\nSo, idk, if someone had sweet parents, much less grandparents, I was always shocked", "My grandma is dieing Please, my soul is so heavy right know, my heart is broken. My grandmother is dieing, I don't know if in the morning she will be here anymore. She was like my mom, she was my friend. First, Alzheimer took her away from me. She doesn't remember me anymore for 1 year. Now the cancer is killing her right in this moment. I can't do anything for her. Please, help me with some advices to control my emotions because I feel like I can't deal with it. This will be the first funeral that I attended. I can't imagine how it will be, I am so confused, I feel like I am in a dream. ", "Doing things like forcing food into child’s moth is how cptsd & eating disorders develop later on in life. I think you seriously need to research different types of abuse & learn better ways to deal with struggles your child is having. That grandmother is trying to protect her grandbaby btw" ] }, { "feature_id": 4330, "label": "The feature represents the request for, sharing of, or reflection upon personal narratives and storytelling.", "pearson_r": 0.49361259686574377, "pred_f1": 0.7407407407407407, "freq": 0.02292628562330839, "mean_pos": 3.4377098083496094, "top_texts": [ "But what I hated the most was all the gossiping and the drama. Because everybody knew everybody, your business was EVERYBODY'S business and everybody had something to say about it and no one forgot anything. Everyone had opinions and there was just no way to escape any of it and because the community is small and close knit, there's a belief that people absolutely have the right to share what they think. There's no anonymity in rural areas. Because everyone knows who you are and your family and your life, any weirdness that happens basically becomes like local legend as opposed to when you're in a city and the people around you just don't know you all that well. A family member has a very public nervous breakdown in a rural area? Everyone knows and it will get passed down like a generational story, even if you, the family member, and your whole damn family move away. That kind of thing happens in the city or suburbs? It's probably alive only for as long as you live there and it might not even live that long.", "I can see how that would feel frustrating. You're not alone, lots of people get told family stories that are inaccurate. Sometimes it is a lie, sometimes its a mistake, and sometimes ancestors cheated on their spouses and nobody knew (resulting in kids not knowing their true bio parentage.)", "Part of what makes good writing is having small specific details and the little stories that make up the novel as a whole. This is why I was hoping that, if you are interested, you could send me stories of your experiences in an abusive relationship - whatever detail you choose to send, it doesn't have to be anything \"epic\" and \"grand,\" it could be the smallest segment that you hold significance to. If you have any questions about what I'm looking for, let me know - though I'm really looking for anything! Feel free to post them here, or private message me. Thank you in advance <3" ] }, { "feature_id": 6717, "label": "The feature represents the psychological significance of the home as a primary space for emotional regulation, safety, and identity.", "pearson_r": 0.6499234521655545, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.022539631996724815, "mean_pos": 3.4913666248321533, "top_texts": [ "Also I’m always at home. Unless I’m at the hospital I’m at home. So it’d probably be good for me to get out the house too.", "There have been multiple moments regarding being comfortable in our own home. And I feel the same.", "I'm definitely more at peace when I'm at home but I'm not tense or necessarily uncomfortable in public. I was when I was younger and had anxiety issues though." ] }, { "feature_id": 388, "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding the nature, morality, and behavioral patterns of interpersonal manipulation.", "pearson_r": 0.688105747041984, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.015147724429685901, "mean_pos": 5.162289142608643, "top_texts": [ "hey man, nothing is wrong with being a manipulator. i've been manipulating since i was 8 years old. just embrace it and try to get as much as you can from people.", "I was lowkey looking for that comment, since OP's post left me with utter confusion. Unless it's pretending, of course, but you can't pretend you're goodie-two-shoes all the damn time. Whether you like one person or don't, manipulation comes like an instinct that's been engraved on our brains since we were infants. All infants are born huge manipulators, as they don't even require the need to speak in order to make adults get what they want. As we grow older, some either lose that ability or forget about it, while others become refined at it and continue to perfect it throughout their teens and adult life.\n\nHowever I wouldn't call that a choice. Obviously when you see an opportunity, a possible benefit or just some spiritually weak person, regardless of how close that person is to you, it would pull you like a magnet and you'd definitely grab on that opportunity and sink your teeth into it like a hungry pitbull. Sometimes you wouldn't even know if you're manipulating a person, because you're so used to it at this point that it becomes as natural as drinking water when the bottle is next to you without thinking about it. But that's just me.\n\nUsually what drives me to consciously or subconsciously manipulate someone is my unquenchable thirst for money and that materialistic piece of shit brain inside my head that calculates most human interactions in currency. Ah, and let's not forget: trouble with the cops. It's so easy and amusing to watch these pigs forget to do their own damn job when trying to make you sing, because they're too busy eye-fucking you and nodding to every lie you spill.", "u/ParkingPsychology spot on as always with great resources, but so let me just reiterate on questions because I had the same feeling after reading OP.\n\nWhy do you hate being manipulative?\n\nDo you feel it's morally wrong and makes you a bad person so you don't want to be doing it?\n\nDo you not want to do that because of the impact it has on other people?\n\nDo you not want to do it purely because there's a social stigma on being manipulative?\n\nAlso:\n\n>Sadly, a pretty good one.\n\nI think that's a misconception. It's like saying in Europe, that, I dunno: \"I'm really great at collecting or Guatemalan coins\" - you can be terrible at this, but since you probably won't meet anyone else doing it you'll be at the same time best.\n\nNot that many people are manipulative, and as a result, not many people naturally suspect it, defends against it. It feels like you're good at it, but in the end, it's like stilling lollipops from kids. There's is a need for a major part of society to be relatively honest and not manipulative for our world to even exist.\n\nWhen I was younger I used to lie to people when they asked me for time on the direction on the street, because I could, because I find it funny. But they trusted me, not because I'm an exceptional liar, but because why in the world would I lie it probably would cross anyone's mind to be suspicious about it? Similar goes for more complex manipulation in adult life. People trust you not because you're good at manipulation, but because we need to trust each other to some extent as a species.\n\nAnd your fiance is the best example of that. You exposed him to manipulation multiple times and now he sees is as the possibility and it's not that easy anymore. He will be a probably more difficult target to manipulate for anyone for the rest of his life because first hand learned that not everyone follows societal rules and not everyone is being honest.\n\nI think I am manipulative, I don't know if I'm good at it because I don't think there's a clear benchmark for me to define it. But I don't have a problem with being manipulative. I think being capable of being manipulative without the feeling of guilt is a really useful skill in life. But I would guess you can just stop if it's not compulsive. \n\n> at times it feels so good \n\nSo does eating sweets, doing drugs and hundreds of other things, but if you feel bad about something you just stop doing it." ] }, { "feature_id": 9730, "label": "The feature captures anticipatory dread and existential hopelessness specifically associated with the transition into a new calendar year.", "pearson_r": 0.4583739365645442, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.0182864421043055, "mean_pos": 4.184444427490234, "top_texts": [ "I wasted another whole year Soon it will be January 1st, 2019. It’s the same shit over and over. ", "New Year, New Misery. 2019. I almost scoff at the very name of it. 2017 was horrible, 2018 was worse, what shall 2019 have for us? Most likely something worse than 2018. 2018 Part 2, if you will. I don't want to live to see it. More lost opportunities, more insufferable school days that make me want to rip my eyes out, more lonely nights with nobody to love or be loved by, more moments to be made fun of, more moments for misery. I don't want to be alive for it. I want to die. Why can't I just die without being afraid to kill myself? The irony. I'm a walking contradiction. \n\nHere's to a new year. Let's see if I make it all the way through without shooting myself. ", "I'm not gonna make it past 2019 \"New year, new me\" yeah nope. I already know this year is gonna fucking suck. As if 2018 wasn't bad enough already. My \"friends\" are all out getting drunk and having fun tonight while I'm stuck in my room mustering up a will to live and they don't even have the audacity to reply to my texts and invite me out with them. I can't see 2019 getting any better. I hope all of you are having better NYE's than I am.." ] }, { "feature_id": 153, "label": "The feature captures experiences of systemic social marginalization, racial identity conflict, and external stigmatization.", "pearson_r": 0.8316250414448698, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.02203925671526372, "mean_pos": 3.468778610229492, "top_texts": [ "I feel this. I’m black but grew up in a predominantly white community, so when around black people I was called white washed and things like that. Not fun", "yeah :( i feel you still have the shorter end of the stick, since the whole \"black culture feels threatening thing\" seems to me, and its very opinionated for me to say, makes it seem like there's enormous pressure on black people to conform and people please, and essentially take on/put on whiteness socially. i recently learned the term code switching from a black friend although she was actually using the term in reference to being specifically a black woman. im a trans woman, but white, and just realizing how much differently the world sees me when i start trying to be myself (and looking female vs trying to look female is a big difference, both compared to just appearing to be an ordinary white male). \n\nthe thing i hate is that the stereotypical judgements come more reactively than the realization that the judgements are hollow and are just roadblocks to real connection between people. i remember in grade school i was much more able to talk to people of different cultures and skin tones, but i realize in retrospect i still ended up in a group of all white people, and i can't help but feel i was subcosnciously exclusionary (\"in group bias\" is what i think it is, but idk)", "I’m sorry that you experienced being demonized though. That must have hurt being pushed out of communities that you felt you were a part of." ] }, { "feature_id": 4670, "label": "The feature represents emetophobia, the intense fear of vomiting and associated nausea-related anxiety.", "pearson_r": 0.4286056832696968, "pred_f1": 0.42857142857142855, "freq": 0.0161939636545591, "mean_pos": 4.700699806213379, "top_texts": [ "I have a phobia of vomit. The act of, feeling sick, seeing someone else get sick… it’s a mess.", "Yesss it's the worst 😭 it doesn't help that stress in general makes me nauseous too", "I’ve always been terrified of others throwing up, but the fear of myself throwing up came later on in my life, probably around middle school. I remember washing my hands until they bled, I wasn’t sick at all throughout middle and most of high school but my senior year I got a horrible stomach bug and was terrified. I don’t know if there was any one trigger. I remember when kids would tu in elementary school and I couldn’t just run away, that trapped feeling really made me scared." ] }, { "feature_id": 1157, "label": "The feature represents the experience of sensory hypersensitivity and sensory overload.", "pearson_r": 0.5243055915488455, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.01817272044942798, "mean_pos": 4.0485053062438965, "top_texts": [ "Anyone here diagnosed with sensory hypersensitivity too? I got diagnosed with add recently. It came as no surprise to me, and to be honest now that sensory hypersensitivity got diagnosed too, it didn't really come as a surprise either. I get really annoyed by certain sounds. I don't mean like mild irritability either. I mean I get angry, illogically angry. I know it's an overreaction too, but I can't help it. \n\nSo I was wondering if it's a common side-symptom of ADD?", "Are you particularly sensitive to colors and sounds? I am curious to know if it's common to be particularly sensitive to colors and sounds in people with adhd/add .\n\nI am asking that because personally I always have been really sensitive to visual stimulation and a bit with some particular sounds as well. (Didn't disappeared/enhanced with medication)\n\nSome colors/type of light literally make my brain sparkling and shine it's an awesome feeling, but some others are soooo present/anoying that i can't think straight. Same for sounds. At a certain point if there's 1 or 2 noises that I can't stand it seems like every thing is equally extremely loud (even when its a sound far away compared to someone talking in front of me) sometimes i just want to yell and go out of a room but well its not really an option socially 😂 haha\n\nI'm more open since few years to speak about it and i realize it's really not that common...my friends love me because I'm special i guess haha\n", "Though sensitivity to lights/sounds would be interesting to look into as well, as I'm very sensitive to those things myself." ] }, { "feature_id": 678, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of derealization or the inability to distinguish between internal perceptions and external reality.", "pearson_r": 0.35944174856224514, "pred_f1": 0.5333333333333333, "freq": 0.019719334955762276, "mean_pos": 3.7076234817504883, "top_texts": [ "Losing touch with reality If someone is has severe depression and thinks about suicide everyday, can they lose touch with reality and not be able to tell right from wrong? For example resulting in impulsive behavior? Especially higher likeliness of commiting crimes? Unstable relationships? And the need to socialize?", "The Root of Reality I hope I'm not violating any rules of this sub, I looked over the sidebar and you guys seem like a pretty open community. I want to say first and foremost that I'm a fiction writer and am interested in first hand experiences of reality-breaks, and it seemed natural to come here and ask, humbly, for an insight on something I don't understand. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nWith that being said, I'm interested in the process of rationality of perceived reality and understood reality. My question being, how do you understand the difference between what's real and what's perceived? Is there a thought process, a technique, a mode you engage when dealing with your disease that helps you separate the ghosts of the mind versus the tangible reality? I'm curious as to how to describe how reality and fiction differentiate, and what type of techniques you can employ to cement the real versus the imagined. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nThanks for any responses in advance. ", "Anyone here struggle with Dream-Reality Confusion? If so, what the heck do you do about it? I’m suffering a great deal. I’m wickedly unmedicated due to a failure of a mental healthcare system around this area I live in and man my dreams are wild and probably super stressed induced, even if I don’t go to bed necessarily anxious or depressed or stressed.\nI get up in the morning and I have a hard time telling if things really happened in real life or not." ] }, { "feature_id": 2192, "label": "The feature identifies the recommendation or discussion of mobile applications as tools for behavioral management, habit tracking, or mental health support.", "pearson_r": 0.486764348588902, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.016535128619191666, "mean_pos": 4.383327484130859, "top_texts": [ "Stopping phone addiction Okay, I got this app called Space. Its for your phone and it is supposed to ask you once in a while if there is something else you should be doing. Like, a popup reminder to stop staring at your phone and get on with your life. I tried it out today and found myself spontaneously recaulking my bathroom tiles at midnight...we could be unstoppable if we just weren't so distracted. Imagine the things we could do!", "An app made sense for this, since so many people have a phone. But sometimes a solution can raise more problems! If we had an app that says \"domestic violence escape plan,\" and if the abuser checks the user's phone, that's even worse than a paper form. So here's the solution we came up with: the app is ostensibly a \"quote of the day\" app, just like so many others. You open it up and it just looks like any other, with inspirational quotes (carefully chosen to be relevant without appearing relevant, by the way).", "Found a new habit app that I thought some of you might like too! Hey everyone!\n\nI just saw this app on the iOS App Store’s Today tab, and I thought I’d check it out. I think the UI is gorgeous, and the idea seems really promising, so I thought I’d share it here so more people can maybe benefit from it: \n\n[Fabulous App](https://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/fabulous-motivate-me/id1203637303?mt=8)" ] }, { "feature_id": 6716, "label": "The feature represents the expression of gratitude and appreciation for positive life circumstances or interpersonal support.", "pearson_r": 0.40089186286863654, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.020378920554051903, "mean_pos": 3.5218193531036377, "top_texts": [ "We closed out our list and we are SOOOOOO grateful of everyone's heart who donated. Thank you all so much who openly donated and anonymously donated food and a gift card. This community is full of good people, and we are grateful for it. Can't wait to pay it forward! Thank you again!", "What are you thankful for? For me: Today I'm feeling thankful for being alive. I'm very grateful for my family, our health, our safety, my jobs, my home. I have pain in my foot/leg from an injury I had surgery, as painful as it can be it has also made me grateful for being able to walk.", "Feeling grateful On saturday I will be going to a children's theatre with my niece and my mother. The tickets are a birthday present from my brother and his wife.\n\nAnd I'm in tears because they support and respect me beside all the shit I'm doing. And they trust me enough to take care of their 2y old toddler. At least for a few hours ^^\n\nProbably nothing special to others but I rarely feel grateful for sth. in my life and I wanted to tell somebody. \n\nThanks for listening and take good care of yourself!" ] }, { "feature_id": 9860, "label": "The feature represents the tendency to engage in compulsive or defensive fabrication and social masking.", "pearson_r": 0.41160628930982945, "pred_f1": 0.7, "freq": 0.022471399003798305, "mean_pos": 3.133837938308716, "top_texts": [ "I usually come up with a lie about why I can’t. “Damn sorry I would but I have [blank]”", "Silly stupid white lies Anyone else tell the stupidest white lies. Not even to people you don’t know but your family/friends/partner. \n\nFor example, I will say things to my boyfriend like “____ said I looked nice today” or “____ said this to me today” when they didn’t. I have no explanation as to why I do it and I have no need to do it but it just slips out. ", "Silly stupid white lies Anyone else tell the stupidest white lies. Not even to people you don’t know but your family/friends/partner. \n\nFor example, I will say things to my boyfriend like “____ said I looked nice today” or “____ said this to me today” when they didn’t. I have no explanation as to why I do it and I have no need to do it but it just slips out. " ] }, { "feature_id": 713, "label": "The feature represents the executive dysfunction and overwhelming burden associated with performing routine household chores.", "pearson_r": 0.43798878779142236, "pred_f1": 0.5333333333333333, "freq": 0.020651852525757956, "mean_pos": 3.3304367065429688, "top_texts": [ "The laundry problem Hey guys, so I feel like it's a community wide thing that we struggle getting laundry done. I know for me it can take 2-3 days just to get my laundry basket from my room through the washer and dryer and then back to my room. Then I still have to fold it which is often the most difficult part, I literally stopped folding my laundry to post this. I've found that for folding my laundry, dumping it on my bed and then sorting the laundry and attacking it section by section greatly relieves the irritation of doing laundry. While you're sorting you pull out things that hang up because you don't want those left in a pile. Then there are some items like underwear or gym shorts that I can just throw in the drawer unfolded since they don't wrinkle and then I feel super motivated because I'm 3/5 of the way done and I pair all my socks and put them away. At which point I'm ready to do something else, so I do. I take my time, get a snack, watch Netflix or youtube on the couch or at my desk which quickly becomes annoying cause we'd all rather watch stuff in bed. So I now I have motivation again to go back to my room and fold my T shirts which is the only thing I have left. Honestly don't know if this will help anyone or is just me getting it out of my mind since I'm on my break between sorting and putting away right now.", "A tip for how to get your laundry situation under control (if you are as much of a disaster as I am) Laundry is somehow one of my biggest struggles. I always seem to let it get to to the point where my closet is practically empty with clothes of various cleanliness spread across the apartment. By that point, dealing with it seems like so much work I can never seem to even get started.\n\nSo here is what I started (and restarted many times over when I regressed) and it has worked pretty well.\n\n**Every day either wash and dry one load of **laundry OR fold one load. \n\nThat's it. Don't worry about how much laundry you have. Don't wash and fold on the same day if you don't want to. If you get in the mood and do more, even better.\n\nDo it every day and soon enough you won't have enough for a load and won't have anything to fold. Once the huge piles have disappeared, it's much easier to manage. \n\nIdk how many others struggle with this, but this method has seriously helped me.", "Any laundry tips? Hello everyone. I'm a week+ into taking Adderall. Things are going so well for me. But I could use some tips for laundry organization. I have an insane amount of laundry to do. Like... maybe a year's worth of laundry to sort, wash, dry and eventually put away. It's so fucking much. \n\n\nI have done laundry before. It's always at the insistence of my wife. And it never stays organized. \n\n\nLast Sunday, I picked out my five dress shirts for the week. I also had five white undershirts (optional depending on temperature), five new pairs of black dress socks, underwear and my work slacks for the week. I washed all of those and ironed the shirts. I hung those up. And then I had the rest of my clothes neatly folded on the bed in that room in the house for the week. When I come home -- I am going to have a \"home uniform\" of pants to wear at home, and two T-shirts to wear on alternating days. (I don't really go out too much during the week.) I also have my pajamas, a shirt to sleep in and an optional hoodie (since I like to sleep in a hoodie). \n\n\nThat much I was able to handle on Sunday. \n\n\nI have my clothes for the week in the dryer right now. I added in a few other items of clothes that were lying around on the floor. Then I am going to try and do a load of laundry once a day until I get out of the mountain that I now have in front of my washer and dryer, making sure those clothes are all put away when I am done. \n\n\nGetting there seems impossible but I am going to do it. \n\n\nBut once I get everything done and put away -- what the fuck do I do to keep things manageable? I can already see that if I go away for a weekend or something that I am going to get out of a routine." ] }, { "feature_id": 6098, "label": "The feature represents concerns regarding the cardiovascular side effects of stimulant medications used for ADHD.", "pearson_r": 0.385249254920744, "pred_f1": 0.18181818181818182, "freq": 0.014351672845543248, "mean_pos": 4.7259931564331055, "top_texts": [ "Raised heart rate on concerta Hey everyone. I wanted to know what you’re experiences are with ADD meds and effects on heart rate. I’ve been concerned with mine and take it often cus I have a smart watch and wonder if it’s too high. When laying down it’s around 95-100. When sleeping around 75. When sitting it’s 110-120 and walking around 135. Is this normal? Before I started meds I took an EKG and everything was fine. I even use my watch to detect abnormal heart beats and use the ECG feature to make sure my electrical system is good and it consistently is. My doctor doesn’t seem to worry but she’s no specialist. I feel fine.. but the anxiety of not knowing does effect me. I am also very out of shape. The nurse there told me she had a mini stroke while exercising on Ritalin. I have been freaked out since. Anyone get any good info or advice from their doctors on what’s normal?", "Heart Evaluation I'm having an EKG at my University to check my heart health. I've noticed that my heart rate jumps up and down on the heart monitor at the gym for about 6months at two different gyms on various machines. Its worried me that I might need to go off medication if I have poor heart health and am wondering if taking my medication on the day on the evaluation might result in a worse reading. Has anyone else had heart evaluation and did meds affect your results? Did you decide to take your meds that day or not? ", "Ritalin induced heart-reate increase? I have been taking 40 mg Ritalin (4 pills a day) for about half a year now and since 1 month I started to get severe cardiovascular side effects after administration of the drug.\n\nFor example:\n\n* notably higher heart rate after going to the gym or engaging in another physically demanding activity (to note here is that the heart-rate won't come down after resting but will stay elevated hours after I have finished my gym session)\n* cold hands and feet (most noticeable in the fingers)\n* deeper and faster breathing (even while at rest)\n\n&#x200B;\n\nHas anybody else had these adverse reactions and what may be the root-cause of their sudden onset?" ] }, { "feature_id": 7253, "label": "The feature identifies the theme of infidelity and its impact on interpersonal relationships and mental well-being.", "pearson_r": 0.36125809723942276, "pred_f1": 0.42857142857142855, "freq": 0.014442650169445266, "mean_pos": 4.665968894958496, "top_texts": [ "As someone who has been cheated on by multiple partners. The cheater will normally accuse the other person of cheating on them when in fact they have cheated.", "Coming from a compulsive cheater who has cheated in every relationship except this current one, I'd say your relationship is doomed. You may not get caught if you know how to hide it without seeming suspicious (I've only been caught cheating once, and done it a few dozen times), but the sole fact of you cheating shows that the man you're being with does not fulfill your needs. And you may say \"Oh no, we've been together for x years and he's the man of my life\", but no. Your subconscious disagrees. Subconsciously he isn't enough and you need something more, that's why you felt the need to drink and search for that extra fulfillment.\n\nThey say alcohol shows your true self, and that night your true self has had enough of the boredom that your man brings, and that's why you reached for the opportunity to fill that gap, both metaphorically and literally. My advice? If you've cheated on him once, that means you'll cheat on him again, I can almost guarantee you. So you better drop that relationship and go search for a man that you'd be completely satisfied with, one that checks every point in your criteria. And yes, such men exist. I've already found mine and am not planning on cheating on him any time soon.", "Cheating is more common in Aspd as far as I know. But even with Aspd not everyone is a cheater" ] }, { "feature_id": 5304, "label": "The feature represents the psychological construct of interpersonal dependency and codependency in relationships.", "pearson_r": 0.4573419124593348, "pred_f1": 0.7619047619047619, "freq": 0.01651238428821616, "mean_pos": 4.024439811706543, "top_texts": [ "help with being dependent Does anyone have any tips on how to not be so dependent on someone so I can make a healthy change and not absolutely NEED to speak to someone on the daily!!!\n\nor should I move my dependency onto a friend instead of my gf 😔", "Being dependent on other people is the literal worse. Especially when you spent your whole life waiting to turn 18, just for it to not even matter because of your illness.", "As for being able to do things on my own, I haven't figured that one out yet, I still have multiple people I'm dependent on and I like it that way for obvious reasons. They're mostly always there for me, and when they can't help me do something I usually sulk for a month or multiple months, and then I go and do it myself." ] }, { "feature_id": 610, "label": "The feature captures the emotional distress and loneliness associated with the Christmas holiday season.", "pearson_r": 0.5327266931721771, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.01467009347920031, "mean_pos": 4.5188307762146, "top_texts": [ "I feel you🤗\nI have also struggled much during christmas!\nYou are NOT onlyone.\nStay safe!", "Sweetheart family don’t have to be blood relatives, family are the ones that will have your back not matter what will happen, now if you have good friends ask them to join their Christmas dinner, you can make plans like doing some kind of vacation on Christmas day, fill your days with joy, go to do Christmas shopping just for yourself, enjoy that day, make it more beautiful then any other ✨", "Me every year: I won't do Christmas decorations this year, it's a waste of money and energy cause I won't feel any joy either way" ] }, { "feature_id": 7720, "label": "The feature represents the relationship between caffeine consumption and its impact on anxiety, restlessness, or physiological arousal.", "pearson_r": 0.692399821237958, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.012304683057747857, "mean_pos": 5.372681140899658, "top_texts": [ "Coffee anyone? Anyone feel like coffee accelerates how restless you are? \nI have issues studying for long periods of time and I get so worked up mentally.\n\nI can get back to it, but I feel like I have to work just a bit more to remain calm/get it done.\n\nI did a trial of no coffee for a week last month. \nI found I had the same distraction, but I literally handled each situation better. \n\nAnyone get similar symptoms with caffeinated drinks?", "Tip: Swap Coffee for Matcha For the caffeine-addicted among us - matcha (shredded green tea leaves) has half of coffee's caffeine content, but the same strong waking / refreshing effect, only without the jitters. Also has a wonderfully unusual, slightly algae-y taste to it and is great with milk.", "Ive always loved coffee, but recently I have gotten a few panic attacks around lunch time (i'm assuming when the coffee wears off). I'm not sure how to tell whether the coffee is the issue or not. Anyone have any good alternatives to coffee to solve this issue? I miss it.... Please include details and experience in your suggestions." ] }, { "feature_id": 1208, "label": "The feature identifies the logistical frustration and systemic barriers associated with obtaining psychiatric medication refills.", "pearson_r": 0.6679006962150246, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.01639866263333864, "mean_pos": 3.9487006664276123, "top_texts": [ "I really dislike pharmacies **History:** I'm in my 30's and have been off/on taking medication since I was diagnosed in the 3rd grade. I've taken nearly all variations of medication throughout that period of time and have never had a more difficult time getting a prescription. I'm not talking about getting it prescribed, I'm talking about getting it filled (consistency).\n\n**Here's a story about what has to happen, this is the most efficient path I have to take to getting a prescription.**\n\n* Once every three months I get 3 prescription sheets from my doctor. \n* They are sent digitally to the pharmacy of my choice \n* The first one is automatically filled, I am contacted. \n* 1 month from that date (no sooner), on the day I take the LAST pill. I am now able to fill my next script (no sooner). \n * If the pharmacy doesn't have it in stock I cannot transfer the script, I must call the doctor to have them cancel, and then write a new one and send to a pharmacy that has it in stock. \n * Catch1, pharmacy cannot disclose how much stock they have. They can only tell you if they have enough to fill it. \n * Catch 2, pharmacy cannot disclose the above information until you have sent a script to them… \n* If the pharmacy has it in stock I can pick it up in an hour.\n\n\n**So here's my most recent story:**\n\n* Was told I had no remaining prescriptions on file at the store I go to monthly (have been going there for more than a year).\n* Scheduled an appointment with my doctor \n * At the appointment he said \"I gave you 3 months in December… are you sure they don't have it?\"\n * Dr. Gives me 2 more scripts sent to the pharmacy and says \"see you in April\"\n* Call pharmacy after 3 hours.\n * Pharmacist says she does not have it on file (this happens every time).\n * I repeat that I am not trying to **refill** I am trying to **fill** a script.\n * Pharmacist finds the script and says it will be filled shortly (usually takes an hour) ! note this for later\n* I ask the Pharmacist why this happens each month. She responds saying that they are making changes (I recall hearing this before - she states that isn't true… okay).\n* I tell the pharmacist I have three issues with what's going on here, since she's been very rude, dismissive, and keeps ignoring the words I'm saying and is defaulting. I ask her to please listen to me clearly I need her to take some time to explain to me what is going on and address my concerns: \n \n1. If my Dr. sends it to you directly the first one is filled automatically and the last two are saved on your internal files I can't see \n * She said that's never happened… However, it's happened every month (ever).\n * She explained I can see refills on my app. I (third time now) clarified that I'm not trying to **refill** I'm trying to **fill** a script and that I cannot see their internal \"saves\" on my personal app. I can only see refills \n2. When I do call in after that first time I'm met with denial that I have anything on file\n * The assumption here… is that they assume \"refill\". I will remind the reader, there's an automated message before talking to the pharmacist that says \"are you trying to refill, or checking on a refill?\" that's normally where those callers go… I opted for something else, and call in with the same exact format every month (with consistency) and get a different behavior from their employees every time… \n * After all that they find it magically and are able to fill (usually within one hour) ! again, reader, note this important part.\n3. When their business is out of stock, I find it surprising. \n * You see, with a controlled substance, I am not able to transfer the script. I have to call my doctor, inconvenience them, wait, and schedule for a new script, call a different place, contact my dr. to send it there if they say yes (or contact different place if they don't have it), doctor sends, I wait 30-40 min for the pharmacy to accept, call the pharmacy to make sure they are starting to fill it, clarify **it's a script not a refill**… Then they say it will be ready within an hour (again, remember this) - Again this is all only ON the day of my LAST pill being ingested that I'm able to do any of this. So if I mess up and don't fill it\n * The pharmacist explained that they got new or unexpected customers (said a few, not many, and was generalizing for all prescriptions not just mine) and that they are sorry to not have anything in stock. They are not going to turn away customers. \n * But they are okay with turning me away and completely inconveniencing someone who is stuck in their loop.\n\nAt the end of this I ask \"Okay, so you've filled it? Great. Will it be ready in about an hour?\" She replies \"Y… You know. I'm really backed up now. We'll send a text when it's ready\" …yeah, right.\n\nThis makes me upset because our conversation lasted four minutes and at the start of the conversation she said it would be filled shortly (with the normal expectation of it being an hour). Now she's saying it will be longer. I'm sitting here at 2 hours from that moment with no follow up text saying it's filled. Oh, by the way. Did I mention I took my last pill yesterday because I thought this would all be really efficient this morning and I'd be able to take it right before I went to work?\n\nAll of this, knowing I have ADHD because they are filling ADHD meds. The whole process, they're aware I'm not neurotypical yet continue to sweep issues under the rug and make the process difficult. \n \nI really am made to feel like I'm doing something wrong here and they're the ones that are in the wrong. I'm older now, but my younger self never could have navigated this bullshit. I think of all the people who have to be held to this employees whims just because they didn't accept their boilerplate and impatient responses to not listening to the customer. How can someone who holds that position be impatient in the first place? Their entire job revolves around people who are not having the best time in life, yet they expect us to be at some higher level of acceptance than they hold their own behavior to?", "CVS doesn't hold scripts? So my doctor wrote my script for Adderall to be filled tomorrow. I have a paper script. My usual pharmacy is closed on Sundays, so I decided to go to the neighborhood CVS today so that tomorrow I can just go and pick it up. The pharmacy tech took one look at my script and said \"sorry, but this says it can't be filled until February 4th\". I responded (very politely) \"well, that is tomorrow, I would like to drop it off today and pick it up tomorrow, if possible\" so then he says \"well normally we don't hold scripts, but I'll go ask\". So he goes and comes back a few minutes later and says \"well we don't have this in stock. We'd have to order it and it wouldn't be here until Thursday\". So I took my script back and left.\n\nWhy do I seem to have trouble like this every time I need to go to a different pharmacy? I don't like it.", "Difficulty filling prescription (Adderall/amphetamine salt combination) I've been having difficulty getting my prescription filled. I use a Walmart pharmacy. I was informed that they have had the medication on back order since the last time I had my prescription refilled. Other pharmacies are not able to tell me if they have it in stock without me going to them in person with a written prescription. I work in a hospital, so I have very little time between now and Sunday to run from pharmacy to pharmacy begging to get my script filled before withdrawal sets in and I become worse at my job.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nAnybody else having difficulty just finding a pharmacy with the medication in stock? I live in the Las Vegas, NV area." ] }, { "feature_id": 9739, "label": "The feature represents the neglect of personal hygiene and dental care as a symptom of executive dysfunction or depressive episodes.", "pearson_r": 0.4290261142337392, "pred_f1": 0.42857142857142855, "freq": 0.014601860486273797, "mean_pos": 4.408976078033447, "top_texts": [ "Copying askreddit, how many of you brush your teeth twice everyday? If youve, seen [the askreddit thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/d65eid/how_many_of_you_actually_brush_your_teeth_twice/) apparently, almost everyone actually brushes their teeth twice a day. How about for /r/ADHD? \n\nI'm hoping I'm not the only one who has their stuff together with ADHD but can still barely brush my teeth once a day.", "Anyone else have an aversion to brushing their teeth? I dont know what it is but lately Ive had a serious aversion to brushing my teeth. I havent done it in three days now. I know dental health is super important and all I just cant bring myself to do it. Is it a lack of motivation? How to get over this? Thanks", "I’m getting one of my teeth pulled tomorrow you know that god awful thing depression does to you that makes you so unable to function that you don’t carry out basic hygiene procedures? I would brush my teeth every once in a while– basically when I remembered. \n\nOne of my molars is now literally hollow and has to be removed, and the rest need fillings before they get this bad. I’m now having to pay a ton of money for all of these dental work while also losing one of my permanent teeth. \n\nPlease brush your teeth at the very least. I know it’s hard, but it’s so important." ] }, { "feature_id": 2401, "label": "The feature represents the deliberation and long-term commitment required for life-altering decisions or irreversible processes.", "pearson_r": 0.4126381832432261, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.019969522596492824, "mean_pos": 3.122187614440918, "top_texts": [ "It takes years and you have to be in therapy during that time, etc. because they need to know that you are very serious about it. I mean, let's be real here. You can't undo it. So of course they want to make sure that you're sure and that all other avenues have proven to be dead ends (no pun intended).", "It is worth noting that before you get married at a registry office they speak to the bride and groom separately in private to ask whether you're entering into this freely or need help.", "Yeah it can take years, and it will weigh on your mind. Best of luck." ] }, { "feature_id": 3410, "label": "The psychological impact of clothing choices and personal presentation on emotional well-being and self-regulation.", "pearson_r": 0.7841338237165402, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.014556371824322787, "mean_pos": 4.211170673370361, "top_texts": [ "I used to dress more alt/goth/metal but I’m losing the energy. Nowdays it takes a lot out of me to put on jeans and a t shirt and a bra instead of just sweatpants and a sweater. I’m only 20. I don’t know if it’ll get better or not. During the upswings I’m more capable of dressing eccentric but otherwise no.", "YES but what makes me feel comfortable tends to change and then i have to switch clothes a million times trying to figure out what is the most comfortable. then i end up wearing the same outfit for weeks on end bc its the only thing i can go out in without feeling like im a dog with its tail between its legs. i used to really like dressing up in weird flashy things when i was younger but now it makes me rly uncomfortable bc i feel uncomfortable in anything that might attract attention. bummer, i miss dressing up, i wish i could without getting stared at.", "I've always worn loose clothing because of sensory issues and the fact that I was self-conscious about the way I was developing. I wouldn't know the struggle with more form-fitting clothes, but I can imagine it'd be there. Although a lot of my women's clothes fit me a lot better despite my having been assigned male at birth, so I guess the shape of the clothes isn't as much of an issue as the other thing." ] }, { "feature_id": 4339, "label": "The feature detects discussions of external conflict, violence, or aggressive behavior involving third parties.", "pearson_r": 0.45144184925701164, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.018991516364546136, "mean_pos": 3.087681770324707, "top_texts": [ "Hvorfor ikke bare bruge skunk? Det kan du da se hvad er.", "Well, one could argue that repeatedly punching a man for just being annoying behind you seems like an extreme reaction. Especially since the person who is punching him is/was (I don’t know if he still is) a professional boxer or", "OP run the hell out of that house right now. This guy is unstable." ] }, { "feature_id": 216, "label": "The feature represents the personal experience and management of ADHD medication, specifically Ritalin.", "pearson_r": 0.4285515969419521, "pred_f1": 0.5333333333333333, "freq": 0.013146223303841518, "mean_pos": 4.418238162994385, "top_texts": [ "First time on Ritalin I’m being used in a study for a slow release Ritalin, and I took it today for the first time, and it made me feel more motivated and focused, but I also felt like I had drank 5 cups of coffee. I was very racy and shaky. I’m still feeling it a little, and it’s pretty uncomfortable. \n\nI’m going to have to take these everyday for the next 12 weeks probably, and I just want to know if it will eventually balance itself out, or if this is just a side-effect?", "Advice about Ritalin Hello ADHD community,\nI wanted to consult you about ADHD and replacement for Ritalin.\nThe goal I take Ritalin to be productive, efficient, without it being really hard to sit in the chair or really mess with what's important. Therefore, I use Ritalin to solve these problems, of course all this is done after diagnosis and medical approval. After a period of experimenting with Ritalin, I noticed that this drug very much thinking fixture, impairs creativity, impairs sexual desire, impairs appetite, and impairs sleep. I have tried other drugs from the same family and another family as amphetamines, but unfortunately they all have the same side effects, some less powerful and some more powerful. I feel that Ritalin is very helpful in sitting down and greatly refining my senses and ability to speak physically and express verbally and formally, but it greatly impairs the simple and beautiful thinking I have without it. I wanted to consult you. Is there any recommendation to substitute another drug? Or try to avoid the drug by natural alternatives?\nAnd is there a chance that Ritalin makes me really sharp because of the drug or because those are my innate abilities that seem to be expressed as a result of concentration?", "Experience with Ritalin So I was diagnosed around thanksgiving with adhd (inattentive), I was smart enough to get through high school without having to pay attention, but once I got to college and needed to actually focus to do well I realized that I simply couldn't do that. My dr prescribed 10mg IR Ritalin. When I took that, I didn't notice much of a difference, but I would consistently crash about an hour after taking it and fall asleep for a few hours regardless of time or day or where I was. After about a week of that my dr switched me to 20mg extended release. The first day of taking that I actually felt calmer and more focused. Normally I have a song playing in my head and am thinking about a million different things, but it was almost as if the medicine had like turned the volume on all of that down and I could actually focus and absorb the information in my lectures. But after that first day I haven't really noticed any effects from the Ritalin, and recently have actually been feeling tired and a little more anxious, I'm currently taking finals so that could be a factor in the anxiety. I was wondering if anyone else had the same sort of experience with Ritalin and if a different medication had worked better. I go back to my dr in a few weeks to talk about how the Ritalin has been working, but just wanted to see if anyone else had an opinion. " ] }, { "feature_id": 7900, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of military service experience and mental health management.", "pearson_r": 0.4413196554691367, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.018104487456501468, "mean_pos": 3.1922898292541504, "top_texts": [ "no wasn't discharged, moved bases and actually was referred to paramedic class and become a paramedic, they said that I was \"off somehow\" because I was too cool headed for someone who was on su!cide prevention protocol (you know they take everything from you and follow you around until you get evaluate ) and I couldn't care less and talk with officers and made friends, so... then he asked me some questions and I answer honestly (a big mistake ) it's pretty hard to get kicked out from the army if you are a good soldier or more likely \"the commenders favorite\"", "Yes. I served, got diagnosed at the military and stayed there few years after getting diagnosed, honourably discharge in the beginning of 2020, at the beginning I was a shit show but after i got to a commender who I respected and view fondly to this day I did really well. I wasn’t a fighter and wasn’t allowed to have a weapon because if I will be honest they didn’t trust me with a weapon, I was a medic", "Hey thanks for this. I have always maintained that the best implementation of my personality was the military. Unfortunately I was medically retired due to injuries or I would still be doing it. I appreciate your candor. I was diagnosed years ago and only recently started to understand my circumstances and I wish I had done it years ago." ] }, { "feature_id": 6049, "label": "The feature represents the internal experience and interpersonal dynamics of self-criticism and the fear of being judged.", "pearson_r": 0.3894567888874575, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.014237951190665727, "mean_pos": 4.014556407928467, "top_texts": [ "Edit: I don’t actually verbally criticize anyone; all of my judgments, regardless of how scathing, are done in my head.", "Yeah, sounds like me. I'm also avoidant so I'm super sensitive to criticism, especially when I criticise myself. So I always worry about being criticised for my lack of ability to get it together, but I still can't get up and do much about it.", "What's a clear sign that you are being critical or judgmental? For you like when do you recognize it" ] }, { "feature_id": 3507, "label": "The feature represents the clinical conceptualization and diagnostic characterization of Schizotypal Personality Disorder (STPD).", "pearson_r": 0.5874633581157706, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.012645848022380422, "mean_pos": 4.516279697418213, "top_texts": [ "Psychotic symptoms, if they happen, are very rare and transient in STPD. If they were common and pervasive it would be schizophrenia. Thought disorder happens in STPD but it's at a sub psychotic level.", "STPD typically isn't diagnosed with autism because they share too many similarities. Social difficulties, strange mannerisms, hyperfixations, etc. but STPD comes with peculiarities in thought and beliefs that don't typically come with ASD.\n\nSTPD is sometimes considered to be on the schizophrenia spectrum. About half the time I see it included, while the other half I see just schizophrenia, schizoaffective, and schizophreniform. I'm not sure where I'd place it because while there are similarities in the two conditions, schizophrenia and schizoaffective are *much* more severe - and this is coming from someone who had STPD all his life and later developed schizoaffective disorder. So yes it's on a spectrum with schizophrenia in that it has to do with similar but milder neurological and chemical differences, but it's not on a spectrum the same way that ASD is where mild and severe cases are all classified as autism. You can't be diagnosed with \"schizophrenia spectrum\".\n\nYou can help yourself by only socializing when you feel comfortable, since STPD is primarily considered to affect relationships and sociability most strongly. That's why it's a personality disorder and not always lumped in with schizophrenia which is not a personality disorder. Engage in hobbies, take a day off now and then, and don't try to push your brain to do things that it doesn't want to do unless it's absolutely necessary. Also, people with STPD tend to be creative and think outside the box, so consider writing, painting, drawing, modeling, just give a few things a shot and see if anything sticks.\n\nYou're like this because STPD is neurodevelopmental kindof like ASD. It has to do with how the brain is wired just as much as it has to do with chemical differences. Some countries classify it as a schizophrenia spectrum disorder (but not schizophrenia itself) rather than a personality disorder because of the neurodevelopmental nature.\n\nAnd to answer your last question no, unfortunately it will not go away, but you can learn to cope and live your best life anyway.", "In its essence, I think STPD is characterized by a different pattern of thinking that at its best leads to creative, out-of-the-box ideas and at its worst is incredibly distracting to the point of being debilitating." ] }, { "feature_id": 4116, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience, conceptualization, and philosophical processing of fear.", "pearson_r": 0.4320293789966917, "pred_f1": 0.7, "freq": 0.017626856506015875, "mean_pos": 3.22946834564209, "top_texts": [ "In general no i don't feel the fear, but jump scares are cheating, in real life or in movies jump scares are always cheating, i think it's comes from me being a control freak, but who knows?", "Knowledge can also ease fear. I don’t wish for you to experience this for a long time, but if you do, you will be shocked by how much you will end up knowing about the human body; especially your own.", "Does ADHD get worse with age? I was diagnosed in my late 40’s. Looking back my childhood was pretty much textbook inattentive subtype female. It’s frustrating that it took so long to figure out what my problem was. \n\nIt seems so much worse now though, out of control. I adopted my granddaughter 5 years ago, who is now 9 and very likely also has ADHD and it’s like everything is beyond hope. I can’t seem to get moving to do anything. The house is disgusting, I can’t get any work done I forget to pay bills and I can’t get my little girl to help so everything is just multiplied exponentially. \n\nI’ve had periods of my life were things were controllable- but I can’t seem to get any traction anymore, it’s just going downhill faster and faster. \n\nI do see a coach, who is helping and I’m on medication, but I’m just missing something to smack me back on track. \n\nDoes anyone know if there are any additional things that older people need to consider?\n\nThank you. " ] }, { "feature_id": 9989, "label": "The feature represents a profound inability to conceptualize or envision one's own future, often associated with hopelessness or existential detachment.", "pearson_r": 0.480216963341336, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.01628494097846112, "mean_pos": 3.4869394302368164, "top_texts": [ "I can’t handle the future. Hello, just made an account because I’m breaking down and need a place to cry about my “problems and worries.” I’m 18, F, in a relationship with another female. She’s all about the future, the future excites her and she’s already preparing. I have always been slow about preparing for my future because I don’t want it to come. Not saying I want to die, but the future is absolutely terrifying to me. I don’t want to leave my home, I don’t want to leave my dad, brother, sister, mom, pets. I don’t want to leave ANY of them to a state or states away. The thought of moving away makes me sick. The thought of not seeing my family daily makes me want to vomit. They could get hurt, they could get sick, I wouldn’t be there. The future is HORRIBLE sounding. Everyone dies. My dad is very old, he’s 70 already having had me late. My mother is younger however, 40’s quite the age gap I know. So I’m less worried about that although I know I will have to deal with her passing as well... just later. If my dad were to become ill or get dementia or something I would leave my current situation with no second thoughts and that’s scary. If I was married, has kids, anything, I would HAVE to leave because that’s my dad. The person who was there for me for LIFE... I have to be there for him when his life is coming to an end... right? The thought of him passing literally rips me apart. I cry uncontrollably and feel the strong urge to just want to die or disappear because not existing would be SO much better than dealing with seeing everyone die. Is this normal? Is it normal to feel this strongly about these things? To want to seize existence rather than face the future.. I’m just scared.", "Anyone else fail to picture themselves in the future? I cannot see myself in a few months time.\n", "Am I wrong to be pissed about this? Was he really just being nice to her or is he just biding his time until they live closer? --- **tl;dr**: My boyfriend said \"you never know what the future holds\" when talking to a former fling. He says he was just being nice." ] }, { "feature_id": 7002, "label": "The feature represents the concept of a \"Favorite Person\" (FP) within the context of Borderline Personality Disorder and intense, unstable interpersonal attachments.", "pearson_r": 0.60933856670495, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.014533627493347284, "mean_pos": 3.8802812099456787, "top_texts": [ "Wait, FP is fixated person? I thought it was Favourite Person?", "fp means \"favorite person\" and it is mainly used by the BPD community to signify their particularly intense attachments to people. In the DPD community we have DP or dependent person, the person we grow emotionally attached to and feel the need to depend on, but it's not as widely known.", "in my eyes, a favorite person (FP) isn’t someone i’m in love with but someone i am INFATUATED with. and my feelings toward them change every day, if not multiple times every day. i would say if she wasn’t unstable the entire four years when it came to her connection with you (and it would have showed), you might not have been her FP." ] }, { "feature_id": 6678, "label": "The feature captures expressions of gratitude and positive social validation received from the community.", "pearson_r": 0.7525124257925543, "pred_f1": 0.8571428571428571, "freq": 0.014761070803102327, "mean_pos": 3.674006700515747, "top_texts": [ "This response...wow. Thank you so much. I may take you up on that message sometime. Thank you for helping me make sense of the chaos in my head right now.", "I know i have posted in here a lot lately and i want to thank everyone here because you’re really all awesome.", "Thank you everyone for your responses, I took a lot of advice and it seems to be working! ❤️" ] }, { "feature_id": 7012, "label": "The feature represents concerns regarding the documentation, disclosure, and professional management of mental health diagnoses and medical records.", "pearson_r": 0.8373430289274035, "pred_f1": 0.8888888888888888, "freq": 0.016990015238701753, "mean_pos": 3.1681575775146484, "top_texts": [ "Hi! Clinical psych pre-doc intern here. It depends on what will be most helpful to the patient. If a patient asks if they have a diagnosis or what their diagnosis is, it is their healthcare info that should be given to them. But the purpose of treatment isn’t diagnosis, it’s to build a better and healthier life. Diagnoses can drastically impact people’s perspectives of themselves, their behaviors, and their ability to get better. We take a lot of factors into account before disclosing the diagnosis, but it is always best practice to have an open dialogue going if that is what the patient prefers. In an inpatient setting in which time is usually short, it is not always helpful to disclose a patient’s diagnosis. It is perhaps more helpful to focus on the patient themselves, their symptoms, and their desire to get better.", "If he has a criminal record than he will not get be allowed in. They will def have access to that information, they might not have access to his diagnosis depending on how they were diagnosed. A lot of diagnosis are just “working diagnosis” and not really put into your medical file, most therapists don’t put things into your medical charts", "Is there any potential downside at all to discussing symptoms with a therapist or doctor? If a person, hypothetically, experienced symptoms of schizophrenia and wanted to discuss them with a professional, is there any chance (however minute) of this coming back to bite them?\n\nI understand therapy notes can be subpoenaed. Is this only for cases relevant to the illness/symptoms, or could this information be subpoena’d and the court made aware of the illness just because? \n\nLet’s say, if the person in question worked for a company, and the company is now involved in a lawsuit of some kind, and the patient works in a relevant department. Can the judge make everyone (the company, the lawyers, the public?) aware of the patient’s mental health just because they want to?\n\nI know LEGALLY they can’t lose their job or anything because that’s discrimination, but that doesn’t mean practically this wouldn’t damage their reputation or hurt their career. Particularly if their current role is appointed or elected, or if they have ambitions in that vein, this sort of information being public could be damaging.\n\nBasically I want to know if, completely hypothetically, a person was experiencing symptoms like hallucinations and disordered thinking, could they stand to lose anything by telling this to a professional? " ] }, { "feature_id": 4284, "label": "The feature represents the cognitive and sensory challenges associated with the routine of showering.", "pearson_r": 0.4052855710036847, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.012054495417017308, "mean_pos": 4.42981481552124, "top_texts": [ "I put on my favorite music and reassure myself I only need to shower for the length of a couple of songs. I also pick out a comfy outfit to get into. Sometimes warming the towel up in the dryer for a bit is good motivation, too.", "Lack of Showerthought... Whenever I take a shower I stick to a pretty regular routine as most people do. ~~~~ Shampoo -> Body Wash ~~~~ Well today as I reached for my body wash I couldn't remember whether or not I shampooed. I sat there for a minute trying to figure out what happened because I had no recollection of shampooing or rinsing my hair out. It wasn't until like 4 minutes later until I remembered putting shampoo on my hand and just that. I thought to myself \"Well, works for me\". It wasn't until I got out of the shower that I realized that I forget something like this in the shower nearly everyday.", "Used to try this when I had severe OCD and became obsessive about it. I’m glad I don’t do it anymore because it made me miserable. In my opinion, the benefits of a warm, relaxing shower far outweigh exercising discipline by immersing yourself in the uncomfortable cold, but that’s just me. That said, I do think it can be good to make it colder towards the end though, especially if showering in the morning, since that’s refreshing." ] }, { "feature_id": 5953, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience and interpersonal dynamics of emotional safety.", "pearson_r": 0.47457627118644063, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.015124980098710397, "mean_pos": 3.5158181190490723, "top_texts": [ "It is your job as a partner to make your loved ones feel safe.", "For my entire life safety meant being completely alone, no familairs, no strangers, no one to interrupt - with financial pillow. It changed, now I'm glad to have someone around in case if my body decides to collapse. Strangely, as 2022 has been not keen on my physical health, I felt safe in semi-crowded public spaces. I felt safe having my room open, my phone unmuted. Safety as of now is knowledge of people being close to hear me scream. I received help not by just my family but those strangers I didn't like before - people just half a year ago I didn't want near me, now putting hands on me to help and me being grateful and trusting...never could I imagine.", "Thanks for your response! What makes you feel safe in your therapeutic relationship?" ] }, { "feature_id": 5066, "label": "The feature represents the emotional comfort and psychological attachment derived from feline companionship.", "pearson_r": 0.6022179997839008, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.00850637978483863, "mean_pos": 6.211173057556152, "top_texts": [ "Ahh, it’s nice that someone understands. I don’t know either but I know I’m so content as a cat. I’ve almost meowed and hissed during public interactions too lol. Thank you :))", "Cats were one of my special interests when I was little. I got bullied for it ", "To my childhood cat Thank you for comforting me while I cried myself to sleep, thank you for hearing me when no one else had the patience to, thank you for never belittling my sadness, thank you for never judging me, thank you for being my shelter when things at home were too much to deal. Thank you for making things a bit more bearable for a frightened child. \n\nAfter 14 years by your side and now 3 away from you I still find myself calling your name in moments of need. I have never and I'll never trust anyone as much as you. You were my one and only friend and I'll never forget you. One day we'll meet again." ] }, { "feature_id": 7158, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of LGBTQ+ identity with experiences of social stigma, discrimination, and internalized shame.", "pearson_r": 0.5581786267495285, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.012873291332135465, "mean_pos": 4.082021713256836, "top_texts": [ "Of course being a LGBT member means that you can be anxious about it, but it is just another reason to be anxious, not an actual problem. Basicly, without being LGBT you would simply find another reason to be anxious about.", "If you are LGBT and religious, try to find a place where you can safely practice your religion, but i personally will never agree with it, many of us see it for what it is, a system that has fueled oppression and bigotry. For me, protecting ourselves comes first, and I don’t believe LGBT people will ever be safe in a community that has been their biggest oppressor. Even just knowing that can weigh on you, let alone experiencing that oppression and bigotry firsthand.", "i knew gay was humiliation. i tried bringing up to my dad, and he said he wouldn't care if his son was a fudge packer, nor would he care bout that son anymore. i then had to speak to the bishop of my church and tell him about me possibly being gay. my dad was in the back of the room and another man i had never met wa sitting next to him. He asked me if i had ever had any gay encounters." ] }, { "feature_id": 4720, "label": "The feature represents the experience of being a victim of bullying and its long-term psychological impact.", "pearson_r": 0.5958637717515431, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.012509382036527395, "mean_pos": 4.158432960510254, "top_texts": [ "Ptsd because of bullying? Dont know if thats the place to ask this but -hi. Let me know if i would get more answers somewhere else. \n\nIve been through 10 years bullying at school. I have ptsd because of it (along with with huge self confidence problems and anxiety). Said bullying ended a few years ago but the trauma is obviously still here. \n\nIve been wondering if anyone else has experienced ptsd because of bullying. Ive never met or talked to someone who did. And its quite recently that ptsd definition in DSM changed to also include trauma that happened over time in its definition.", "Anyone here bullied online for posting a simple opinion? I get bullied so much for posting an opinion, it has nothing to do with politics or anything offensive, I find it really weird because on 9gag and youtube there was really no bullying, it was either supportive or nobody cared, but here on reddit you have a bandwagon of people thinking they are world class debaters or something", "Help lol Hey, I’ve posted on here so many times and it’s so helpful but ironically I haven’t been using it in my toughest time until now. I’ve felt so afraid and isolated even as far as reddit goes. \n\nFirstly I just want to say I’m not a confrontational person, I’m super scared of fights because I have bad anxiety and it goes insane if someone isn’t okay with me. So normally I try and let things slide.\n\nI started university recently and am in a flat with a few other people, at first everyone was extremely lovely until I spoke about some things I’ve been dealing with and how they influence some of the things I can and can’t do in life. Since then, two of these flat mates of mine have taken it upon themselves to brutally bully and harass me. I’m normally able to handle it to an extent but let’s just say it’s taken over social media, social circles and my physical home life. It’s even stretched back into social circles hours away from them that I thought were safe. Genuinely, it’s really really bad.\n\nIt’s completely unprovoked, cruel and sickening to be honest. People who are aware of what is going on cannot believe this is happening at our age (20), and are absolutely disgusted and shocked. I’ve dealt with a lot in my life, so while I have my moments of weakness and come to reddit as a safe place to get help and be open, I deal with and have dealt with a LOT on my own, I thought I could handle this, but I can’t.\n\nIt’s triggered so much childhood trauma to the point where I get physically ill from stress and cysts (due to a health condition being aggravated by it), I’m unable to eat or leave my room. I’ve tried being nice, being silent, being defensive, everything. Nothing I do or don’t makes anything better. I leave them be ALL the time, I’ve never said anything cruel or mean or used a name or done what’s been done to me back yet I am constantly a target.\n\nWhilst this has been going on I also found out I have two lifelong diseases that have destroyed my body and paralyse me inconsistently, a parent has been in and out of hospital with a severely dangerous illness and another family member was brutally attacked in her own bedroom, I also moved miles away to be at uni and broke up with a partner of several years after years of abuse. Add this to the bullying and my history of suicidal temperaments, severe clinical & chronic depression and anxiety and I’m a hot second away from literally giving up. I’m exhausted, the last two years of my life have been the hardest years I’ve ever dealt with and I’m tired... I don’t know what to do, I’ve tried everything... I can’t deal with all those more important things such as the parent situation and my illness and cope with their suffocating bullying. Please just let me know what I can do? Please help" ] }, { "feature_id": 7216, "label": "The feature represents the experience and conceptualization of gender dysphoria and identity-related distress.", "pearson_r": 0.5291362724111438, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.010735324220438056, "mean_pos": 4.8252129554748535, "top_texts": [ "they pursue physical transition to rid themselves of gender dysphoria, they want their body to reflect how they identify and to feel more comfortable in themselves, and they want others to percieve them as the gender they identify as", "Being trans is recognising that the puzzle you're making is different than the picture on the box. Dysphoria is being uncontrollably upset by the puzzle not matching the picture. )", "Well i'm intersex and while my gender identity and dysphoria are both heavily influenced by being intersex, i wouldn't be able to compare it to someone else's dysphoria. Though realising i was intersex did unleash gender euphoria for me like you said." ] }, { "feature_id": 6822, "label": "The feature identifies the projection of personal mental health experiences onto fictional characters for the purpose of relatability.", "pearson_r": 0.6883979173265745, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.013441899606523073, "mean_pos": 3.788217306137085, "top_texts": [ "Sometimes the most fascinating characters are the ones that go through the darkest personal journeys.", "Peridot and Rose's character development being the same but told in opposite directions, the music giving hints about the plot ahead of time, the way it dove into how traumatic events can affect different people, etc.", "I do agree with ur point to an extent but sometimes characters who are portrayed to have a mental illness or disability don’t always need that 100% label if they’re meant for ppl to relate to" ] }, { "feature_id": 5752, "label": "The feature represents the meta-cognitive evaluation of one's own thoughts as irrational, logical, or reasonable.", "pearson_r": 0.5640830083749122, "pred_f1": 0.7272727272727273, "freq": 0.015943776013828553, "mean_pos": 3.1255178451538086, "top_texts": [ "First off, trust me I recognize how irrational most of this is. But it feels like it's always in the back of my mind.", "Yeah, I generally think that's only making matters worse, and frankly it's too irrational, even for me.", "being reasonable or logical doesn't work with cognitive bias, especially of the religious kind." ] }, { "feature_id": 7430, "label": "The internal conflict and self-doubt regarding the distinction between clinical symptoms and perceived laziness.", "pearson_r": 0.6383079777530348, "pred_f1": 0.8181818181818182, "freq": 0.01482930379602884, "mean_pos": 3.3593292236328125, "top_texts": [ "ADHD and laziness? First of all I know that being lazy is a false stereotype about people with ADHD. We need to do more effort than neurotypicals to achieve the same result. This is exhausting and if we underperform, because people don't see our inner struggle, it looks as if we are lazy. However just as neurotypicals can be lazy, we can be lazy. And this a bit of my struggle. I am quite innatantive, but mine feels very periodical. So I am not always sure at the time what is causing poor results. How can overcome my personal laziness while also struggling with adhd?", "Feeling very lazy for a while I've been feeling super lazy, like lazier than usual. I have lost the drive and motivation to do anything but lay in bed and watch videos on YouTube. I will even scream at myself (mentally) to do my homework throughout the day. I also tried making a plan for myself so I can get work done. But no matter what, I still can't get myself up to do anything, and it's really damaging my life. Like my grades are failing, I'm starting to gain weight, and my hygiene isn't as good as it used to be. I just feel like I hit a massive burn out, y'know? Like I'm just exhausted 24/7, physically and mentally. Like am I just a lazy bastard, or is like a different problem, i dont know", "Is being 'lazy' a negative symptom? I always get called lazy by my Mum and I'm not sure if it's a negative symptom or not? I lack enthusiasm, motivation and I don't look after myself. I'd rather stay indoors than go out and I am sometimes quite flat and I can't relate to people or laugh much." ] }, { "feature_id": 7922, "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding the specific subjective experiences, side effects, and usage of psychiatric medications.", "pearson_r": 0.40592524730590873, "pred_f1": 0.5333333333333333, "freq": 0.01075806855141356, "mean_pos": 4.617701053619385, "top_texts": [ "Seroquel was created by Satan to destroy your Spirit. It came out of his gay asshole and is his child.", "Took 100mg of Sertraline and a cup of coffee Did it so I could do the load of work I've been putting off this month. It just made me sleepy as heck.", "3000mg seroquel dose update Today is now Friday. I overdosed on the seroquel on Monday night. My idea was that I would just fall asleep and not wake up - like a peaceful death... nope. That’s not what happened. I stayed awake with intense muscle stiffness and weakness. I could feel my motor function quickly failing so I rushed over to the couch to lie down. My body began craving water so I sild off the couch and crawled to the kitchen sink. It must have taken me about 15 or 20 minutes before I mustered up enough strength to stand up and drink. I started feeling my consciousness slip away so called for my mom who I thought was upstairs. She wasn’t but my sister was home and she came to my aid. She called poison control and they told her to call emergency (911). The men who came to the call put me in a stretcher and brought me to the hospital. Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday area blur. I don’t remember what happened other than a few snapshots from my memory. For the most part I was unconscious. I do remember being in constraints and I wasn’t sure why I was. They also injected me with something which put me to sleep instantly and definitely was another cause of the blurry mixing of the three days. Now here I am as an inpatient...waiting... although I attempted suicide, my doctor is allowing me to go off grounds for better food than hospital food (Since I’m alive I want to continue growing in weight). He doesn’t mind since I told him that I have no current thoughts of handing myself." ] }, { "feature_id": 3887, "label": "The feature detects themes of theft, concealment, and the strategic management of physical security or personal items.", "pearson_r": 0.6180232466090962, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.015011258443832875, "mean_pos": 3.307999610900879, "top_texts": [ "* The route you intend to take when leaving, where you plan on going and who will help you along the way * Where your emergency clothing, supplies, money, and documents are kept. Also, try to hide the fact that those things are being moved at all * Any emergency code words, such as those used with children to indicate safety or danger * New, private bank accounts", "Pill box that doesn't look like a pill box? I use a daily pill organizer to store my meds, mostly so I don't forget if I've already taken it or not.\n\nGiven some recent issues with theft -_- I'm looking for a more discrete version that isn't so obviously a pill box. Any recommendations?", "What is the most valuable item you have lost? I’m an art therapy intern at a mental health center. I bring my camera to work to document client artwork. Yesterday I took my camera out of my bag because I had to get my notebook to write notes, it was toward the end of the day so I was already tired. I ended up setting my camera on the floor and I didn’t notice that I had put it there before I left. Basically someone stole it and I feel like a big dummy because I wasn’t paying attention and I left it out for someone to steal. \nIt might make me feel better to know that I’m in good company because I feel pretty bad! " ] }, { "feature_id": 2280, "label": "The feature represents social anxiety and sensory overwhelm specifically triggered by the environment of grocery shopping.", "pearson_r": 0.4214122766872753, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.012577615029453908, "mean_pos": 3.9418327808380127, "top_texts": [ "Grocery shopping is a real nightmare for me Grocery shopping is a real nightmare for me. The moment that I walk in to a grocery store I start to feel very anxious. There are people everywhere and everyone is blocking the pathways. I also tend to have a problem with focussing on all the products in the store as I walk past them. There are just way to many products and I can’t process everything at once. And in the end I just start panicking for no reason. \n\nGrocery shopping with someone is even more of a nightmare. It always ends up in some sort of an argument, because when I start to panic, the only thing I want is to leave asap. Unfortunately that is not always possible so my panicking/stressing about nothing gets even worse. Also the person I’m with thinks that I’m overreacting and being a drama queen, when this is really how I feel. Sometimes I almost cry out of stress. I always feel like such a little crybaby, because when I really think about it, grocery shopping is something so easy and simple, yet I seem to avoid it as much as possible. \n\nIs there someone who experiences grocery shopping relatively the same as me? Sometimes I think that I might be crazy to make such a big thing about something so small and easy. (Also sorry for my English, I’m not a native English speaker.) ", "I get so distracted at Wal-Mart that it takes me around 45 minutes to get a small list of groceries and get out. My family drives me to Wal-Mart for my grocery shopping or wherever I may need to go for things. I hate Wal-Mart though. I have to make a list or I won't come home with anything I need. I don't have an organized list either, but it's just a list I usually make when I remember to put something on it. I speed walk all over trying to get my necessities; I know where everything is in Wal-Mart because I'm there every other weekend. I get road rage behind people and I'm very impatient about waiting for others to move out of my way. I get distracted at other things in the aisles, and half the time I end up coming home with something that wasn't on my list. Does anyone else have a hard time shopping for groceries?", "You’re wrong on that, I’m an avid returner of carts. And I can’t even remember the last time I intentionally didn’t put something back in the right spot. I’m just saying - it happens! People don’t always make the 100% best choices on a crowded day in a grocery store. Some people suffer from anxiety, and cannot handle another moment in a crowded store. There are a million reasons why someone might not return an item to the correct spot, and they don’t owe every grocery store worker an explanation." ] }, { "feature_id": 7877, "label": "The feature represents the self-attribution or interpersonal labeling of behavior as \"toxic.\"", "pearson_r": 0.37383210888418683, "pred_f1": 0.5882352941176471, "freq": 0.012736825346282439, "mean_pos": 3.8454527854919434, "top_texts": [ "Sounds like a great friend. When you get older, you'll just cut out toxic", "I do the same :// my fp told me I was toxic I went into a bad episode after that", "Well in their defense this is how males were raised to be for a long time, I’m older and I was definitely shamed anytime I showed emotion so I learned to suppress it. Now it’s like stuck that way but it’s very unhealthy and my emotions or the ones I should have had and delt with in a healthy way tend to either leak out in toxic behaviors that I cannot always control or by abusing alcohol or something like that. \n\nIt seems like society is moving away from that and not forcing people into small boxes of what you are supposed to be and accepting what people actually are more now. So maybe this will help with that. I’d hesitate trying to diagnose people I tend to just look for red flag behavior and if I see enough of it that it’s a pattern I’m out of there. I was in a relationship for years with a cluster b woman and it was toxic and hell to be honest and the real shitty behavior didn’t start until we had a child together and she knew she had me somewhat trapped it was so bad at times. To make matters worse she was lying to everyone she knew and telling them that I was abusing her and using it as an excuse to explain her shitty behavior and running around like an ally cat. So not only was she screwing me over and was the abusive one she had everyone hating me because she had them convinced it was me. She even tried to start a relationship with one of my friends behind my back and he was trying steal her from me too. Anyways that’s enough of that but yes stay clear of toxic people \n\nLying is a big red flag to me and watch how they talk about other people and how they treat other people especially behind their back’s because I can guarantee you that they will be doing the same to you if they aren’t already. Stay safe out there" ] }, { "feature_id": 3706, "label": "The feature captures the somatic experience of emotional distress, specifically the sensation of physical chest pain associated with sadness, heartbreak, or anxiety.", "pearson_r": 0.3652864500912568, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.012759569677257944, "mean_pos": 3.815486192703247, "top_texts": [ "Chest physically hurts when I’m sad Basically title says it all. I can feel a palpable pain radiating in the center of my chest; between my nipples and right on my sternum. \n\nIt’s like a dull pain but it’s only when I’m focusing on sad stuff and it’s a physical reminder of how shitty my life is.\n\nAnyways, anyone else have this??", "My chest has a different feeling. Before it would feel on fire and chaotic. Now it feels just wrong. Like I am in medical danger. I am a 26 year old woman.", "Do you ever wake up and feel so sad that it literally feels like your heart is aching and there is huge pressure on the chest? I was left after 3 years of relationship and was struggling with depressive behaviour. I think it took me like a year to stop waking up sad and feel this massive pain in the chest. I used to be afraid to go sleep just because this wake up pain is so bad. And it happened after a nap too. You wake up all vulnerable and suddenly you realise you are alone and the person you loved the most left you and it used to feel like a bag of massive stones were put on my chest and heart muscle was being in pain. Like a heartburn.\nAfter this i tried to get back to dating but somehow i ended up liking a guy who decided to ditch me too.\nI know this is not a reason to think something is wrong with me but my brain thinks otherway. And now I am agains waking up with this massive saddness and a physical heartache. I really want it to go away. Also I wonder, have any of you every experienced this kind of feeling of chestpain from sadness as well? " ] }, { "feature_id": 7045, "label": "The feature represents the theme of navigating the process of recovery and academic achievement.", "pearson_r": 0.8052731304949239, "pred_f1": 0.8571428571428571, "freq": 0.015397912070416448, "mean_pos": 3.0921754837036133, "top_texts": [ "I just finished my thesis defense. My committee said \"congratulations, you passed! We just want you to make a few revisions.\" The revisions include some formatting and adding a paragraph to better explain the variance in the data in one of my moderation models. Is this normal? I genuinely feel like a failure. \nEdit: thanks guys. I suffer from a mental health disorder characterized by extreme perfectionism and excessive conscientiousness. Those were definitely getting to me yesterday because anything less than perfection feels like abject failure. Plus, my advisor isn’t very good at focusing on the positive, which contributed to my anxiety. But i appreciate the reality checks! :) \nhttps://reddit.com/r/GradSchool/comments/1hdkbds/is_it_normal_to_get_a_conditional_pass_with/", "\"Where on the road to recovery?\" would be my first question.", "first of all:\nFOOD IS EXPENSIVE AF!!! the only way i can keep recovery up is by eating healthy home cooked meals every day, otherwise the temptation to count calories and restrict again can feel overwhelming. but holy smokes when you go from restriction food to fresh veggies all of a sudden...my wallet is a lot lighter than it used to be.\nI dont know what healthy portion sizes are and i cant trust my hunger. i dont want to gain weight too fast because j fear a HUGE relapse (not gaining at all would be ideal but we know how it goes...). But how much on my plate is a good amount? i still have a huge fear of overeating, its hard.\nAlso, most people don't realize that the ed isnt just there when you eat and goes away after. I struggle with thoughts of relapse on a daily basis and have to remind myself what i lost trough restriction and how miserable i was at my lowest. \nluckily i have a great support system in place, Best of luck and all the love in the world! you deserve to be happy!!" ] }, { "feature_id": 8261, "label": "The feature represents experiences and side effects related to the use and dosage adjustment of Concerta (methylphenidate).", "pearson_r": 0.5809845556991718, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.009097732390201741, "mean_pos": 5.232777118682861, "top_texts": [ "Concerta Issues &#x200B;\n\nHey there, I've been on Concerta 54mg for a month, two months total after going up from 18 to 36 to 54 pretty quickly. I felt some benefits and some real improved mood and focus in the mornings especially when I first took it. I've written about it a little here before. But ever since being on 54 it seems my depression and anxiety, which I already have, have been so through the roof when it wears off that it's totally outweighing any benefits the Concerta might have had before. I'm also not sure that perhaps the Concerta is making me focus more on my depression.\n\nI've seen people write before about being on too high a dose of a medication, has anyone gone back down to 36 or so and felt much better or is it just a sign that Concerta is wrong for you? I'm hesitant to add an anti-anxiety or anti-depressant medication to Concerta to offset these effects when I'm not positive Concerta is really working all that well so that would be a major last resort for me.\n\nMy doctor also seems hesitant to prescribe a further IR booster to beat the crash and I probably agree wit him, as stacking medication after just a couple of months seems rash. \n\nThanks in advance if anyone has any thoughts. ", "Concerta 54mg Recently got moved off matoride 54mg to concerta 54mg , even tho they are basically carbon copies of each other working the exact same way concerta seems to be way more uneven thru the day , for a few hours I will feel full effect then it will die then hit hard again, anyone have any experience with this?", "I need some help, just got bumped up to a larger dose I was on 18mg of concerta and was doing great but thought I could use some more. I was bumped up to 36 and hate it. I feel more irritable and fidgety and I feel more like when I wasn't medicated than when I was on 18mg. Is this normal for someone taking too much? Thanks everyone." ] }, { "feature_id": 1631, "label": "The feature identifies requests for participation in academic or clinical research surveys.", "pearson_r": 0.46750493130398524, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.008233447813132577, "mean_pos": 5.764967918395996, "top_texts": [ "If you are interested in participating, you will be asked to complete an anonymous online survey that will take approximately 20 to 30 minutes, one time only. If you are interested in participating, please click on the following link: Or, if you would like further information, please message me. For your participation, you may choose to enter a raffle to win one of eight $25.00 gift cards.", "Hello lovely people! I'm looking for anyone who is interested in taking a 10 minute survey, with the chance to win a £100 (or equivalent) Amazon voucher. You need to be over 18, speak English as a first language, and be able to listen to some audio files and select matching pictures. I've been told it's fun to do! Anyone who enters will be really helping me as I try to progress my research into language and meaning.", "I'm looking for anyone who is interested in taking a 10 minute survey, with the chance to win a £100 (or equivalent) Amazon voucher. You need to be over 18, speak English as a first language, and be able to listen to some audio files and select matching pictures. I've been told it's fun to do! Anyone who enters will be really helping me as I try to progress my research into language and meaning. " ] }, { "feature_id": 7042, "label": "The feature captures narratives regarding the intersection of academic or professional achievement and personal mental health struggles.", "pearson_r": 0.44914454980431373, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.015420656401391952, "mean_pos": 2.974292516708374, "top_texts": [ "/uj literally why I forced myself to hold on through all of high school. I knew if I was underage my mother would fuck me over one last time in the great beyond", "Det var vigtigt at forstå fortiden for at finde ud af hvem jeg var, før jeg prøvede at ændre det.", "But as bad as it all was, it still gave me the time and opportunity I needed to work on myself and get myself to a point where I was healthy enough to study and finish my degree and now work full time." ] }, { "feature_id": 3903, "label": "The feature represents the experience of physical aggression, combativeness, or the pursuit of conflict-driven adrenaline.", "pearson_r": 0.801229049969925, "pred_f1": 0.9, "freq": 0.01414697386676371, "mean_pos": 3.2393712997436523, "top_texts": [ "Yes, but with boyfriends. As soon as we start living together, our home would be turned into a battlefield zone. All my exes have at the very least some scars or bruises from me, due to my constant habit of getting physical whenever something annoys me. They would piss me off one way or another and I would immediately resort to physical violence against them. Since I'm a woman, they couldn't fight back, however my current partner is much stronger than me, so I can't fight him with bare hands. I have however knocked him down by smashing a glass door on his face. He also has scars.\n\nI'm not proud of it, I just can't help it. And it's not like I grew up in a hostile environment either. Quite the contrary, as my parents have always been gentle to one another, yet I've been involving myself in fights ever since kindergarten.", "Typically speaking the person starting the fight is more likely to have ASPD", "I feel the same lmaoo. I love fights because they give me an adrenaline and dopamine rush because everything is so boring. However i differ because i stay cool and but on the inside my heart pounds. I like the feeling of it and i think arguments are funny. I always make jokes out of the situation to provoke and piss people off. I’m the opposite of you in that sense im nervous in conflict but on the outside i stay completely in control." ] }, { "feature_id": 8153, "label": "The feature represents pregnancy-related anxiety and health concerns regarding fetal development and preterm labor.", "pearson_r": 0.8468139420085352, "pred_f1": 0.8888888888888888, "freq": 0.010030249960197421, "mean_pos": 4.561357498168945, "top_texts": [ "Thanks for the reassurance. My LC was growth restricted and between 1-4th the entire time, ended up being born at 33 weeks so I am a little scarred from that as well.", "Had my 20w ultrasound today. I was terrified but everything is looking GOOD. I’m at high risk for growth restriction (based on my first pregnancy), and they are concerned about my placenta eventually growing into where my first incision was so I found out I will most likely have my c section at 37 weeks. Aside from the risks, my doctor said nothing was of concern. Now I can breathe easy for a little bit!", "Anterior placenta here, I went days at a time without feeling anything around 16-20 weeks. Even at 22 weeks my OB said it could be normal to feel nothing for a whole day. So anxiety inducing though…" ] }, { "feature_id": 4249, "label": "The feature represents the expression of shared experience and empathetic validation.", "pearson_r": 0.38495910026827934, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.01414697386676371, "mean_pos": 3.2270843982696533, "top_texts": [ "That’s been my experience too & I felt the same way", "I cannot say whether or not this is the case for me but... Yeah me too.", "I hope it's comforting to know that I feel the same way as you much of the time." ] }, { "feature_id": 7840, "label": "The feature represents the practical engagement with or evaluation of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) as a clinical intervention.", "pearson_r": 0.8285538868912232, "pred_f1": 0.8888888888888888, "freq": 0.00862010143971615, "mean_pos": 5.269122123718262, "top_texts": [ "DBT is just about tricking you into believing your shitty life is good enough I don’t need DBT, I need a GIRLFRIEND NOW", "It all depends on your teacher / leader / whatever you wanna call the person who teaches the group. I did DBT as a teenager and now doing it as an adult. I assumed it would be just whiny people complaining about their life but actually found a wonderful support group. Our group is very structured. We do a mindfulness exercise, skill checkin, have a break, then get into our lesson then do observations. People talk about their lives but mainly pertaining to skill usage. You aren’t allowed to say any super triggering things or contact people outside of group. I’ve found it very helpful.", "How am I meant to make it to DBT in one piece? I've been making my rounds in the mental health system and have finally gotten a referral for DBT. However, the wait is so long to finally end up there. My family knows essentially nothing about my mental health (not an option), and I just can't imagine making it to DBT. It's already been months and it feels like I'm losing hope everyday, I FEEL myself getting worse and I don't know how to pull all of myself back together to last the next few months. How am I meant to survive this alone?" ] }, { "feature_id": 7971, "label": "The feature represents the nature-versus-nurture debate regarding the etiology of personality disorders.", "pearson_r": 0.6111679280149399, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.012509382036527395, "mean_pos": 3.6264028549194336, "top_texts": [ "Trauma, neglect and/or abuse in early childhood. All personality disorders are linked to something happening to you in the years where personality is formed, which disturbs said formation.\nGenetics may be a factor, but so far it's not \"just\" genetics, environmental factors play a major role in how a person develops.", "I do like James Fallon's biography \"The Psychopath in me\" but it is from the perspective of someone who doesn't meet ASPD criteria but has the so called \"serial killer brain\". His book goes into how nature and nurture could create ASPD and how it in his case, nurture did not activate a personality disorder despite him having the genetics for it.\nHe discovered, that ASPD is something you aren't just born with - it's your environment that activates it.\n\nBut other than that... Idk any good books lol. It's like we need to write our own.", "TL;DR - there is no way to determine whether genetics or environments are the \"most relevant\" to personality disorder development, your environment consists of all of the forces that act upon you from without, and abusive/neglectful behaviour doesn't have to be intentional in order for it to be abusive/neglectful. I hope this explanation answers your question." ] }, { "feature_id": 4489, "label": "The feature represents the role of interpersonal communication as a mechanism for relationship maintenance and conflict resolution.", "pearson_r": 0.6337478707154476, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.011622353128482726, "mean_pos": 3.804657220840454, "top_texts": [ "So I hope that at least I've given you some food for thought or some ideas possibly. But I wish you and your family strength and open communication. It's just a shitty decision to make no matter how you look at it.", "Communication matters. It's the killer of all SzPD and non-SzPD relationships.", "For me: Communication, honest but compassionate feedback, some awareness that communicate and perceive things differently" ] }, { "feature_id": 8617, "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding clinical diagnostic manuals and psychiatric classification systems.", "pearson_r": 0.7450932193585008, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.012782314008233448, "mean_pos": 3.451833724975586, "top_texts": [ "DSM-5 and DSM-V are the same thing since V is the Roman numeral for 5. I’ve seen both used in the literature.", "So obviously 5/9 criteria in the dsm that causes impairment in functioning, or personal distress, but what does “impairment” mean?", "ohhh, i see! sorry i'm only used to the DSM5. you're right!" ] }, { "feature_id": 7679, "label": "The feature represents the provision or solicitation of direct advice, recommendations, or guidance regarding mental health decisions and life choices.", "pearson_r": 0.6710371589444416, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.014920281119930857, "mean_pos": 2.9525392055511475, "top_texts": [ "I also only recommend getting them removed to people who have major issues with them like i did, and like op is having.", "I would avoid it. At least until you have been stable for a couple of years with no or few minor symptoms. ", "I would not recommend seeking an exorcism. As I understand it, an exorcism can make you feel better for a short while through a form of catharsis, but since it doesn't actually address the true underlying problem, you might eventually need another exorcism later and another again until whatever causes the \"demon infestations\" is properly addressed. If it helps, you can view the demons as a symptom rather than the cause. As long as the door is still open to allow the demons in, getting rid of them is only a temporary fix. Does that make sense? Unfortunately, you'll have to figure out for yourself how to close that door. There are many ways to do it, but you have to find the one that works for you. A therapist can help you along the way for as long as it makes sense to you. But you're the only one who can truly fix your problem." ] }, { "feature_id": 7206, "label": "The feature represents the experience of relapsing into self-harm or substance use after a period of abstinence.", "pearson_r": 0.4640342935909002, "pred_f1": 0.5882352941176471, "freq": 0.010985511861168603, "mean_pos": 3.9903652667999268, "top_texts": [ "i dont exactly know how i relapsed so i have suffered with depression since i was in the fourth grade and then i always relapse after i get better or happier. this time when i relapsed which was around the beginning of 2019 it was worse than its ever been and people like my therapist and parents keep trying to figure out how this happened again and the thing is i cant exactly figure out a main reason this terrible relapse happened i wish i did. i do know that its a bunch of things that has happened that is causing it but my brain wont work or think about what it all is. is this weird that i cant figure out how all this happened?", "I was clean for a month. A fucking month. The longest I've been clean since like June I think. I couldn't take it anymore and well around three days ago I relapsed. \nWhen I relapse, I relapse really hard though. I end up cutting like 3-4 times a day. Im almost out of room on my legs and am starting to have to go over scars at this point, and I hate the feeling. I don't do my arms anymore just cause it's a nuisance in a hot climate.", "A relapse after 154 days (5 months clean) I don't know what happened. No cravings the whole time. I was done. I was talking to someone about an overdose I had. A switch flipped and I was sticking a needle in my arm that night. Someone asked me today, \"Weren't you happier when you were clean?\" The truth is I wasn't. I had serious depression leading up to the relapse. \n\nI now realize life isn't about me being happy. It's me being clean so those around me don't have to suffer. It isn't fair for them. They deserve the sober me who doesn't lie and for whatever reason they want me to be around. After that many months they finally stopped asking me about how many days I was clean. They got comfortable, they thought I turned a corner. \n\nThe truth is, so did I. Too comfortable I guess. I'm not happy when I use either though. As I said, to me life is only about the first sentence of this second paragraph I wrote. I don't even want to be alive anymore, because i'm such a burden, but when I'm clean I don't want to be alive anymore either. The thoughts of suicide aren't even there anymore, but I just am. If that makes sense. I have no energy. I have nothing to give anymore.\n\nI just don't want those to suffer around me anymore because of me. My dad killed himself when I was 5. I don't want to hurt those around me like that, but sometimes when I relapse like this I think it would be the better way out. " ] }, { "feature_id": 2621, "label": "The feature identifies discourse regarding the clinical definitions, behavioral characteristics, and diagnostic terminology of psychopathy and sociopathy.", "pearson_r": 0.48908998714143315, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.011394909818727683, "mean_pos": 3.845794916152954, "top_texts": [ "There are many types of empathy and different theories but what they mean with psychopaths is they simply don’t give a fuck. They don’t care if they hurt you and will gladly do so if they can get what they want and then not care about it. \n\nThey are capable of understanding as they are not usually stupid or maybe they are who knows but most psychopaths are capable of understanding that if they steal your cat that it will hurt you but they just don’t give a shit. That’s it, they can twist their titties in bow ties if they want but that’s all lack of empathy means.", "Ok, first sociopathy does not exist, it was an attempt at renaming psychopathy to describe the destructive nature it has on society and has since been discarded, it’s not a clinical term and the Internet just basically makes it into whatever it wants. \n\nSecond psychopathy isn’t completely genetic, you can be born with the genetic disposition to develop psychopathy but environment plays a factor, the idea it’s all genes was never proven and is now views to be wrong. Lacking empathy and emotions is not psychopathy psychopathy is a very specific set of personality traits. I can tell where you are getting your information from I would suggest to read from only the leading researches on the disorder as there is more bad information and internet lore than there is truth out there.", "Not always, some are just mean nasty bastards. They might fuck with you just to show you they are boss or to have something over you. SOME of their behaviors are incidental but many are intentionally mean and cruel, I don’t know where the line for just mean nasty prick and sadistic begins so I’d agree they aren’t sadistic in the sense they all want to boil you just to hear you scream but Meanness is being recognized as a central component of psychopathy not so much indifference like I see assumed online" ] }, { "feature_id": 1600, "label": "The feature identifies requests for financial assistance and fundraising support.", "pearson_r": 0.5106350205506052, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.010871790206291082, "mean_pos": 3.9926650524139404, "top_texts": [ "If you would like to donate, please go to: My fundraising goal is high and I am struggling to reach it, so donations would be very much appreciated. You can also see what I have done so far to collect money if you click the link. Any donations are welcome, no matter how big or small. It would also be greatly appreciated if you could share this.", "I've hit a roadblock and I need your help. I created a Gofundme campaign just to try and get my foot in the door. You can check it out at and please, if you're not able to donate, please share it with anyone you know who might, or any groups you might be a member of who might help. I'm 30 years old now and have nothing to show for it, and I'd like to change that. Thank you all and good karma for everyone.", "My primary concern is to get her the surgery and treatment she needs to save her life. To that end, I've set up a fundraising campaign here: Every little bit helps! I know it's a long shot to reach the goal, but every dollar you can spare goes a long way to help, even if the goal isn't reached. I would be so grateful for any and all assistance, even if it's just to share this story/fundraising with your family and friends." ] }, { "feature_id": 1149, "label": "The feature represents discourse regarding the classification, diagnostic labeling, and behavioral management of personality disorders.", "pearson_r": 0.4497269974149018, "pred_f1": 0.5882352941176471, "freq": 0.015011258443832875, "mean_pos": 2.8739569187164307, "top_texts": [ "I’d say this better fits psychology, but yes, you typically should aim to replace a bad habit with a more constructive one, rather than just eliminate a bad habit and have nothing take its place.", "I think the national abuse hotline puts it nicely, \"abuse isn't a defect in psychology, but a defect in values systems\" I feel like abuse can lead to both those things, but they're separate constructs entirely", "It’s a shitty disorder with a lot of shitty behavior as it’s core features. No I don’t think it’s going to be de stigmatized anytime soon nor do I think it should be. What we should be more focused on is correcting the shitty behavior but I’m not surprised to see cluster bees take a victim role and play innocent while blaming everyone else but themselves for it." ] }, { "feature_id": 6084, "label": "The feature represents the somatic experience of emotions and psychological distress.", "pearson_r": 0.36070830015247524, "pred_f1": 0.6086956521739131, "freq": 0.012714081015306935, "mean_pos": 3.3670194149017334, "top_texts": [ "On the other hand I don't *feel* stressed, so it always ends with my body screaming at me with different physical symptoms to let me know we really are stressed.", "Procrastination is physically taking over my body. Up until recently, procrastination for me only involved focusing more on distractions, like music, memes, news, etc.\n\nBut nowadays, when I make the first step in doing something productive, every bad thing kicks in. I suddenly feel freezing, I start to sneeze, my head starts to spin. My eyes feel like they're full of mess and dust, which makes it impossible to look at anything. And I feel generally weak and wobbly.\n\nMy body basically tells me to go to sleep, although it's afternoon. And it happens no matter how long do I sleep the previous night. It's difficult to challenge mind and distractions, but when the rest of the body plays against me as well, it's simply... frustrating.\n\nAnyone else with this problem?", "Yes, emotions are felt through my body. Anger - warmth from my chest to the face. Stress - muscles gripping my stomach. Sadness - heavy object clings to my intestines. I always felt everything physical. If I suddenly need to stand up and walk away - it's probably annoyance. \n\nThere is one emotion and I can't name but I know how it feels, how it makes me want to scream, hide and bash my head on the wall. I don't even know if it's something positive or negative." ] }, { "feature_id": 7266, "label": "The feature represents the experience of interpersonal conflict, social boundary violations, and external criticism.", "pearson_r": 0.5417975712160368, "pred_f1": 0.7272727272727273, "freq": 0.0141014852048127, "mean_pos": 3.0283141136169434, "top_texts": [ "Yep, I was in a discord for it and there was so much drama. Not only emet stuff, but asking for money, warring with other emet discords, threats of self injury, sending explicit chats and photos in a group with children in it. Never again", "Omg I truely wish this was a thing. I understand not everyone gets along. But this was beyond the pale of evil ways to hurt me.", "That's not just harassment, it's sexual assault because it is unconsensual, sexual touching. I'm sorry, friend, I hope you can heal from your experience and I want you to know that you're not alone 💌" ] }, { "feature_id": 1924, "label": "The feature represents executive dysfunction related to time management, punctuality, and task initiation.", "pearson_r": 0.45372125540039226, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.012668592353355925, "mean_pos": 3.3436572551727295, "top_texts": [ "Yes, I am early. *Very* early. \"Spends an hour in the coffee shop round the corner from the appointment\" early. Because the alternative is that if I aim to be early by a normal amount, like 5-10 minutes, I *will* be 15-30 minutes late. And it took me *years* to train myself into this excessive earliness, and it has never become habit, it's a battle every single time.", "Today I was on time for my psychiatrist appt for the very first time! I am chronically late. This morning I had an appointment with my psych to get paperwork in order to file an academic appeal at my college. I set my alarm, BFs alarm and an alarm clock in the living room, actually woke up with plenty of time to get ready, even made a cup of tea and left on time! Bonus points, I had brought all the forms i needed and brought along a list of specifics for writing letters and filling out said forms. I pull up to see no cars in the parking lot. \n\nGuess whose appointment was for 8PM not 8AM. The office doesn’t even open until 9 and i’ve been coming here for almost a year now. You win some you lose some. \n\nHappy Thursday guys!", "Showed up early and ON TIME for my first day of class today! And... class starts Thursday! Nice..." ] }, { "feature_id": 6119, "label": "The theme is the intersection of mental health management and military service requirements or culture.", "pearson_r": 0.7049043739155972, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.009325175699956785, "mean_pos": 4.496199607849121, "top_texts": [ "ADHD in Military Special Operations This is a very specific scenario, but I am currently in the military in a special operations unit and seeking help for my ADHD. In general, people in the military can easily get on psychostimulants such as Adderal, but when I went to behavioral health, I was told that It was not allowed under my units policy to take any psychostimulants because there is a concern that if we get blown out on a sudden deployment I may not be able to stay on meds and have withdrawal symptoms. \n\nI have already tried meditation and dietary restrictions, but nothing is really helping.\n\nI am planning on leaving the military after my contract is up, but I want to get back in the reserves during/after college in the reserves. with all that said I have two questions:\n\nWhat can I do in the meantime to help mitigate symptoms?\n\nIs there any way for me to get on Adderall or something like it during college that will not end up on my medical records next time I go to MEPS to get back in?", "Really depends on your mos. I know two operators on Carson with it. If you are a low level soldier then you could be kicked out. Just go to a civilian if you need therapy and don’t tell your command. You have tricare so use it", "Yes. I served, got diagnosed at the military and stayed there few years after getting diagnosed, honourably discharge in the beginning of 2020, at the beginning I was a shit show but after i got to a commender who I respected and view fondly to this day I did really well. I wasn’t a fighter and wasn’t allowed to have a weapon because if I will be honest they didn’t trust me with a weapon, I was a medic" ] }, { "feature_id": 4290, "label": "The theme is the intersection of poor dental health, physical neglect, and the resulting impact on self-esteem and mental well-being.", "pearson_r": 0.44162679573191066, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.008551868446789637, "mean_pos": 4.850097179412842, "top_texts": [ "Got 90% of my teeth pulled today i have such low self esteem from having bad teeth and today they got removed. do you think it will get better when i get parallels or will it look just as bad as decayed teeth?", "I'm going through dental atrophy as I'm autistic and brushing, flossing, or using a waterpik cause me tremendous sensory issues. I've had teeth falling apart and needing extracted for a decade now, and all I have left are decaying incisors and canines and a few pitted and cracked premolars. All my molars and wisdom teeth have been extracted in the last two years and I have been begging for full extractions dentures from the past three dentists I've had in the last five years.", "I’m getting one of my teeth pulled tomorrow you know that god awful thing depression does to you that makes you so unable to function that you don’t carry out basic hygiene procedures? I would brush my teeth every once in a while– basically when I remembered. \n\nOne of my molars is now literally hollow and has to be removed, and the rest need fillings before they get this bad. I’m now having to pay a ton of money for all of these dental work while also losing one of my permanent teeth. \n\nPlease brush your teeth at the very least. I know it’s hard, but it’s so important." ] }, { "feature_id": 7672, "label": "The feature represents experiences of seeking or interacting with law enforcement in the context of domestic violence or physical abuse.", "pearson_r": 0.692845256315859, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.011895285100188778, "mean_pos": 3.476881742477417, "top_texts": [ "He wouldn't take me to the hospital but I could feel the gaping wound in the back of my head and the hole in my lip my tooth had done. He kept packing. So I called the police. I couldn't see out of my left eye and clearly couldn't drive and felt I had no other option. The police department chose not to press charges.", "She hangs up; told me she was going to; but she leaves. That was a bit frightening. But I guess at that stage the police were already here, because the abuse from him starts. “Oh you actually called the fucking cops did you?” “Why would you call the fucking cops?” “I can’t believe you’d call the fucking cops”. Three days later, I’ve just checked the phone.", "When the cops showed up I just said I was fine and they believed me. I'm just usually stable by the time anyone shows up and im good at lying so they don't take me 😭" ] }, { "feature_id": 6581, "label": "The theme is a pervasive, existential sense of being trapped or stuck in one's life circumstances and emotional state.", "pearson_r": 0.4514144863878443, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.013191711965792526, "mean_pos": 3.1273937225341797, "top_texts": [ "Usually I'm really depressed but right now I just feel STUCK Idk if this is the place to put this post but I just can't figure out where to type this message. Today all day long I've wanted to get up and do something but I just can't figure out what it is that I want to get up and do. It feels like I'm halfway through a door but somebody is blocking me from entering the other side I don't know how else to explain it. Like I'm reaching for something I'm too short to grab and it feels so annoying! And the worst part is I can't even begin to think about what I could do to feel unstuck that's just how stuck I feel right now. I feel so stuck that nothing imaginable could free me. I wanna DO something, honestly with somebody else but I don't have any friends or family so I'm stuck. My parent's don't let me go out and do anything either because they still think I'm a child to them. Ughhhhhh I just wanna scream because I feel so pent up. \n\nI'm really scared of NOT doing anything either which makes this situation all the more worse. I got lucky this week and was given 3 days off from my job so I was really hoping I'd really get to relax and enjoy my time off but now I feel like I'm running out of time and still haven't \"relaxed\". It feels like I'm running out of time while also being stuck at the same time. It's like being stuck while being stuck on top of being stuck. FUCK I CAN'T DESCRIBE THIS FEELING WHAT IS IT, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.", "Trapped. Do you ever feel trapped? Trapped, not in the way of being in stuck in one place but trapped in the sense of being stuck In the same routine. Every single day feels like the same shit, nothing changes, nothing new in my life. I don't know why I'm living to be honest. Life is shit.", "I feel stuck I feel stuck in a system of conformity for life and daily task. I have some idea of what I want to do with my life but am too afraid to take the step and do what I need to/ want." ] }, { "feature_id": 2568, "label": "The feature identifies user experiences and side effects specifically related to the medication Concerta.", "pearson_r": 0.604204953510783, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.007551117883867446, "mean_pos": 5.352476596832275, "top_texts": [ "Issues with concerta? So I was prescribed Concerta 36mg by my psychiatrist who diagnosed me with ADD.\n\nI took it today at work for the first time, and well, I did not expect the results. I feel kind of weird, I think I might have a bit quicker heart rate than usually (about 84 bpm and I also sweat a little bit (which is kind of weird since I have rather non-stressful desk job).\n\n&#x200B;\n\nIs it normal? Or does it mean that Concerta is simply not for me? I think it might partially be caused by drinking red tea as well (pu-erh, I drink it everyday at work, helps me focus a little bit, although neither coffee nor any other kinds of energy drinks used to work on me too much). I'll stop that and switch to more relaxing teas, but still. I'm a bit worried. Is it normal?\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI know I should and will consult my doctor, who unfortunately is now on vacation, so for now I would like to hear a bit about your experiences. Thanks!", "Concerta not working anymore? Maybe it’s quarantining alone, the rising depression, or burnout from work... but I literally don’t feel like Concerta is working for me anymore.\n\nI’m one week shy of when I first received the medication. Initially, I could feel it kick-in and wear off. I was more productive and focused. My emotions were more stable. Maybe that was all in my mind. For the last week I’ve felt no help with my symptoms, like I’m back to my old self.\n\nAnyone else experience this?", "Is switching meds worth it or should I put up with the side effects? I’ve been taking Concerta since I was 11, I’m 17 and I’m on 72mg. I have a lot of side effects like: increased anxiety, depressive episodes, nausea, really cold hands/feet, irritability, and sweating. It does help me pay attention sometimes and helps me to better express myself/communicate with others. I want to switch meds bc when they wear off (around the time i get home from school) I can’t focus on hw/studying and the side effects, like the depressive episodes, are really hard to deal w. But I’m just a little scared and don’t know if it will help me in the long run. \n\nSo basically what I’m asking for is your experience w switching meds (it doesn’t have to be from Concerta) or/and advice on what I should do..." ] }, { "feature_id": 5522, "label": "The theme is the solicitation of material assistance or financial aid through wishlists and external links.", "pearson_r": 0.4268299160337019, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.010871790206291082, "mean_pos": 3.6030688285827637, "top_texts": [ "[Xbox] [h] very mixed list [w] keys or respectable offers ♡♡ Exo blk veloce\n\nBlack wet paint\n\nTW northen crl\n\nJuggler black dieci\n\nFg mainframe \n\nDissolver\n\nTW dune\n\nlime apex\n\nZ plate wheels 40+ key offers or good offers\n\nStriker sb capacitors \n\nCrim black lonewolf tw goalkeeper lonewolf\n\nForrest green singularity \n\nGoalkeeper Dd \n\nTactician tw troublemakers \n\nTw playmaker og oct rlcs \n\nSweeper og purp dom rlcs \n\nSweeper tw infinium \n\nTactician crim and sb lazerwaves \n\nTactician blk reapers\n", "I made a wishlist, and it has some ramen on it. If anyone could help out it would be so much appreciated. Thank you! My zip code is 35020. Link to amazon wish list: ", "I have 2 wish lists because Amazon is expensive on items, so I created a Wal-Mart (zip code 40219) wishlist too. I also have a PayPal account. The meats are cheaper at save a lot because save a lot has pick5 for $20. Hi Friends and Family! " ] }, { "feature_id": 10169, "label": "The feature represents the existential search for personal meaning and purpose as a foundational requirement for living.", "pearson_r": 0.46003855508062713, "pred_f1": 0.7, "freq": 0.012486637705551891, "mean_pos": 3.1287388801574707, "top_texts": [ "“Work provides purpose. Purpose provides meaning. Meaning provides life.”\nI think I screwed up the part but the idea was you have to be working to feel alive.", "What gives your life meaning? I've been really wrapped up in my s/o lately. He's basically my only reason for staying alive. I recognize this isn't fair to him and I need to find other reasons but I'm at a loss. And yeah, I know purpose is a thing that has to come from within but I really don't know how to do that so I'm just looking for some suggestions of what other people utilize. \n\nDisclaimer: I am not a religious person. Not from lack of trying, it just doesn't make sense to me so please don't suggest god or prayer. Other than that, any examples are appreciated. Thanks. ", "How am I supposed to find meaning in life? I think the title sounds bleaker than I wanted it to, but the fact of the matter is that I can't find purpose in my life. For a long time I just wanted what most people want by the time they've settled down: a house with a white picket fence, a loving spouse and children, and a job to support all of that comfortably. I've kind of discovered now that I don't think I should rely on the idea of someone (a spouse) being in my life, and I feel like even if I do get a job in the field I'm studying right now, I'm not going to enjoy it years down the road. I just don't know what to do with my life. \n\nThis is all very vague and whiny of me, but I appreciate any help. " ] }, { "feature_id": 6188, "label": "The feature represents the conceptualization and personal utility of diagnostic or identity-based labels.", "pearson_r": 0.5850192873837176, "pred_f1": 0.6923076923076923, "freq": 0.010098482953123935, "mean_pos": 3.7449100017547607, "top_texts": [ "But, a label can be comforting for some people and give them an idea on how to learn about themselves. It shouldn't be the focus but there's value with it as well", "Well it's ok and i think you can use that label if it's what feel best for you, labels are meant to be used, take care ✨💕", "Labels change and evolve as we age and as we learn about ourselves and the world around us." ] }, { "feature_id": 3943, "label": "The feature represents the experience of persistent, low-level sadness or emotional distress in daily life.", "pearson_r": 0.5142653638627285, "pred_f1": 0.7142857142857143, "freq": 0.0125321263675029, "mean_pos": 2.9323980808258057, "top_texts": [ "Anger and Sadness. Is anyone else just angry? I find that I'm almost always angry when I'm sad. I've never been great at communication, and it seems I just drive people away. On one hand, I like that, because the people around me already don't seem to care. On the other hand, I hate that no one cares, I seem to be too insufferable to be worth anyone's time.", "What music do you listen to when you’re feeling down? Like the title says. Just want to get an idea of what y’all listen to when it’s one of those days. Thanks", "The difference How do you tell the difference between bad nights and depression?\n\n75% of the time im alright. 25% of the time im sad. like its boiling under the surface." ] }, { "feature_id": 3760, "label": "The feature represents the psychological anticipation or dread associated with the upcoming day.", "pearson_r": 0.6091824685770972, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.011736074783360247, "mean_pos": 3.109724760055542, "top_texts": [ "Tomorrow Will Be a Better Day Hi, this is a poem I wrote today to try to explain how I’ve been feeling lately. I just want to share it to see if anyone else feels this way as well. \n\n\nTomorrow Will Be a Better Day\n\nLast night I laid in my bed\nassured that tomorrow will be a better day \nThe night sky guarded me from the pressures\nand expectations of success\nunder her protection, \nI can rest\nand make empty promises to myself\nthat tomorrow will be a better day\n\nEvery night I lay \nand replace myself with thoughts \nof a new self\n\nFilled with hope, I tell myself\ntomorrow will be a better day\n\nThe morning sun kisses the blinds\nI closed not so long ago\nThey filter in uninvited and chant their alarm\n\nIt is tomorrow\n\nBut I was wrong, I’m still me\nno matter how many times I wake up\nthe rest was never enough to \nmake today a better day", "Valentines Day Tomorrow It's the worst day of the year. Each day is awful, but this day makes it so much worse. Time to get my loneliness rubbed in my face, twice as hard than any other day of the year. Except this time it isn't just myself rubbing it in and hating myself, it's everyone else around me too.\n\nWaking up Tomorrow isn't going to be fun.", "The edge Tomorrow is the edge, tonight's sleep is walking forward with no remorse. The rising sun is a new, better, world. One without disappointment, failed expectations, or lack of purpose. " ] }, { "feature_id": 268, "label": "The feature represents the conscious regulation and strategic management of interpersonal social responses.", "pearson_r": 0.6686040920436812, "pred_f1": 0.7619047619047619, "freq": 0.01184979643823777, "mean_pos": 3.0270981788635254, "top_texts": [ "Nah. Whenever I do end up constructing a scenario where I'd be praised for my actions I either tune that part down or turn it into some more private event (e.g. someone buying me a drink instead of giving a standing ovation and medals). It just doesn't work for me and I don't need it.", "Though I am training myself to not curse out the supervisors aloud...but if no one brings it up before I ET then it never happened.", "I tend to just focus my attention on positive interactions no matter the person. Rude to me? I'll walk away. In the same day, you come up to me and say something neutral or kind? I'll respond kindly. I've noticed the people who say rude things are generally looking for a reaction, when they don't get one, they either avoid you or change their approach. If they continue their rudeness over and over even after no reaction, I'd consider cutting them off if it's a personal relationship, confronting them if they mean a lot to me or reporting them in professional settings." ] }, { "feature_id": 8553, "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding the financial costs, insurance coverage, and pricing structures of mental health services.", "pearson_r": 0.6300768740682404, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.009939272636295403, "mean_pos": 3.583336114883423, "top_texts": [ "Is this the right time to say that in my country it's 38 euros per session until you've reached about 250 euros in total and then it's free for the rest of the year? No? Okay", "I hope this isn’t inappropriate but how much did it cost you to go? What was like the daily cost? Or do you pay for it as a program and not a day to day thing?", "My individual sessions are $25 with insurance, $120 without. Group is $45 per session." ] }, { "feature_id": 500, "label": "The feature captures narratives describing the development, initiation, or progression of intimate, romantic, or sexual encounters.", "pearson_r": 0.525760477959569, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.011576864466531717, "mean_pos": 3.0759308338165283, "top_texts": [ "\tIt was the summer, I had just started a new job as a bartender. I met a girl that was equally odd, had a lot of similar interests, was looking for the same thing I was. We quickly became enamored with each other. It didn't take long for us to move in together. I started finding projects around the house to fix up, she would surprise me with home cooked meals or a note gushing over our relationship.", "One night after going to a club we go back to our friends and we snuggle next to each other. She interlocks her fingers into my hand and later on in the night turns around and kisses me. We kiss for the whole night. We couldn't do anything more because our friends were sleeping in the same room. We didn't talk about that night until a few weeks later when we went to a bar together.", "He felt my chest and sort of kissed my abs, all this weird stuff he never did before. We did it again the next week and he seemed more into it this time, like a lot more. I have never seen him like this, ever. He started moaning and shit, and all this weird stuff, and then near the end, he literally kissed me and sort of got on top of me. We've kissed before for the webcam, but we pretty much never kiss besides that." ] }, { "feature_id": 5144, "label": "The feature identifies experiences and concerns specifically related to the physiological and psychological side effects of Ritalin usage.", "pearson_r": 0.7438343052617366, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.007960515841426525, "mean_pos": 4.372766971588135, "top_texts": [ "Ritalin LA dosage need adjustment if you lose weight? Well, the title is the whole question.\n\nI started taking 30mg Ritalin LA when I was 130kg now I am 109kg and been feeling a bit weird lately, I am wondering if my dosage maybe is too high...\n\nI tried googling but I only get data for massive overdose, not the effects of small too high doses.", "Good way to battle post Ritalin anxiety Ideally fine when on ritilin but when I come off it or stop taking it I get quite bad anxiety any tips or tricks to fight this Ritalin withdrawal induced anxiety ", "Ritalin makes me tired after talking, feels like tired after running" ] }, { "feature_id": 3284, "label": "The feature represents the expression of specific phobias and the associated visceral or emotional triggers.", "pearson_r": 0.7078406557627851, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.010439647917756499, "mean_pos": 3.3251230716705322, "top_texts": [ "I'm terrified of spiders (really bad arachnophobia) but this is a gorgeous way to preserve the memory of your little friend. I think she'd be proud.", "I absolutely despise spiders, I may even call myself arachnophobic. When I see them walk around it makes me gag, and I freak out when I find them in my room. I don’t know if they are poisonous or not. But, I never kill them. I ask my roommate or I get the courage to put it in a cup and push it outside. Please don’t kill unidentified animals. They might be important. Or simply just minding their own business, with their only crime being that they look weird", "I know! I'm really not afraid of being bitten by a spider. Just the mere presence of them is terrifying. I know it seems silly to someone who owns them as pets! I think keeping them is pretty cool tbh." ] }, { "feature_id": 9, "label": "The feature represents the experience of severe adverse reactions to the antipsychotic medication Vraylar.", "pearson_r": 0.41034726723238435, "pred_f1": 0.0, "freq": 0.012122728409943821, "mean_pos": 2.860323429107666, "top_texts": [ "I hated Vraylar too. Gave me such bad akasthisia I went to psychiatric urgent care and was put on benzos to help the pain.", "Thank you, I’ll try. Right now I’m gonna go to urgent care and ask them to put me on olanzapine again until I see my psychiatrist after I wane off Vraylar. The Vraylar is so Bad it’s even made my vision go dangerously blurry so driving is impossible now.", "Vraylar. Akasthisia was so bad I had to go to psych urgent care and was put on benzos. I was crying in pain" ] }, { "feature_id": 6504, "label": "The feature represents the emotional distress and behavioral dysregulation triggered by the experience of being ghosted in romantic relationships.", "pearson_r": 0.41651984909655937, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.010507880910683012, "mean_pos": 3.2977724075317383, "top_texts": [ "Dating is driving me nuts. I just had a falling out with a guy I was casually seeing because he tried to ghost me and I went absolutely batshit. Making fake numbers and texting them because I'd rather have the truth. I figure I have nothing to lose anyway so there's nothing stopping my inner voice from telling me to let them have it.\n\nSecond time I'd been ghosted in two weeks and I'm exhausted. It feels like the world is ending every time it happens and it's hard to come down from that. It also really hurts when they tell me that they really like me, want to see me, etc. and it turns out to be a pack of lies. How can there be so much difference from one minute to the next and they all of a sudden want nothing to do with me, even before I react?\n\nI'm trying to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist for the first time in over a year, moved to a new area so I need to change therapists. Just want to vent here because I don't think anyone I know personally will understand. ", "I was so close to happy Years of being alone. Got used to it, stings every now and then when people bring it up.\n\nI've been working on myself for the last 3 years. Doing what I can to improve my looks, self-confidence, activities, work happiness. Long, long journey for me.\n\nFinally meet someone. Incredible first date. Amazing second date. And it just gets better through a few weeks. I'm doing my best, putting in the work because this guy is worth the work. I'm starting to get emotionally invested, and he was really into me too. I felt alive, I felt like a normal human being. I had a reason to get up in the morning, and a reason to eat healthy all day.\n\nThen. Ghosted yesterday. Went from very affectionate to no call, no text, nothing. I'm so confused, but respect his decision. So, I will let it go, but it hurts. Really hurts. Back to loneliness being the first thing i think of when I wake up. Back to not caring what I eat, mostly. Back to working on myself, by myself day by day.\n\nBecause life doesn't care how much good you do, or how hard you try.", "Holy shit this sucks THREE YEARS. We were dating. all of a sudden NOTHING. GHOSTED ME. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK???? IVE CALLED his mom 20 fucking times it's been a week I know nothing happened because of inside sources. He just ghosted me. I feel like doing something bad. I want to suffer physically to forget and this pain. It's worse than any pain ever. I feel like a psycho. Hhhhhhh" ] }, { "feature_id": 4408, "label": "The feature represents the internal experience of pervasive worthlessness tied to perceived personal inadequacy or lack of productivity.", "pearson_r": 0.6170320531719548, "pred_f1": 0.8181818181818182, "freq": 0.0109627675301931, "mean_pos": 3.155412197113037, "top_texts": [ "I feel worthless And everytime someone says anything good about me it just gets worse. The feeling of worthlessnes is in large part connected to my apparent incapability of getting a job. I'm so sick of when people around me says anything good about me because it only makes me think something along the lines of \"either you're lying, or it doesn't matter because [insert positive attribute] doesn't contribute anything\". \nWhen people offer to pay for something whether it's my family or friends it makes me feel pathetic.\nSomehow my experience living has caused inherently good things to feel bad.\nFml", "I feel worthless How can I get rid of that feeling? I feel like that most of the days, so I can't enjoy conversations with people. I even don't want to talk with anybody :(", "linking my self worth to my success/ capability of being productive whenever i’m not actively doing something to contribute to my success, I feel like a waste of space. I feel like I serve no purpose in life. when I fall deep enough into this hole, I can’t bring myself out of it to start working on myself again. The deeper I fall, the worse I feel. \n\ni’ve felt completely worthless for the last three weeks.\nlike nothing I do matters anyway. i’d love to just disappear for a few weeks." ] }, { "feature_id": 9442, "label": "The feature represents the critical evaluation and personal experience of pharmacological stimulant treatment for ADHD.", "pearson_r": 0.6974125740179931, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.010030249960197421, "mean_pos": 3.429835796356201, "top_texts": [ "Fuck ADHD stimulants. Go ahead and downvote me. I do believe in fact that I have adhd but I think that stimulants should be for those who truly need it. I started taking stims in the 4th grade due to me getting shitty grades and being obnoxious. This was due to the fact that my teacher hated my guts and because I was faced with a lot of artsy projects, which is something I stuggled with a lot due to poor fine motor skills. I fucking hated the meds and wanted to quit them but my parents in the end wouldnt let me. My grades did improve, which I mainly credit to a switch in schooling, not the medication itself. And to this day, my gpa in highschool as a sophmore is currently 3.78. So you may be asking me, why are you upset, the meds are doing their job? Heres why I'm pissed: slowly over the course of my middle school years my motivation to do simple tasks has has deteriorated and my social skills have dropped significantly. I was the class clown in 3rd and 4th grade and had loads of friends and I was exceptionally bright, according to my teachers. Now I literally have not had a friend over to my house in years and I have trouble holding a conversation. This lead me to get an asd diagnosis which sometimes I think is bogus. These meds fuck with your personality and who you are as a person. And I am so dependent on them too, if I miss a day its almost as im drunk; my cordination is completely fucked and my handwriting is unreadable. These pills are so fucking unfair. I have been on stims for about 7 years now. Also the non-stimulants just make me sleep all day and make my withdrawl effects worse, so there you go. Here is a list of what they have done to me\nGood\nGood grades\n\nBad\nPersonality completely changed\nStomaches\nGas\nAnxiety(extreme anxiety while on focalin, anxiety dissapeared after med switch)\nLoss of social skills\nUnderweight bmi\nExtreme appetite loss\nNo motivation due to dopamine system being fucked\nIssues at home with parents who have high expectations\nSocial anxiety\nLazyness\nNONE AND I MEAN NONE OF THESE SYMPTOMS APPLIED TO ME BEFORE I TOOK THE STIMS.\nMy statement;\nGood grades shouldnt fucking mean everything but according to my parents and many others they do. I would rather get shitty grades without medication, but my parents won't be keen on that and who knows, maybe these effects are just permanent. I think that stims should not be given to a DEVELOPING BRAIN because I have already seen the damage done to me. For years I lived the lie that these were helping me. \nTLDR\nAdd meds fucked up who I am over the course of 7 years.\n\n", "Stimulants vs. non-stimulants I have a psychiatry appointment in a week. My therapist and I have spoken about me possibly going back to medication, over the last year I have been in a very intense period of ADHD and anxiety entanglement. I stopped taking medication (pretty sure it was concerta at the time) in high school (I’m a senior in college) and have been apprehensive since because of the side effects (mostly being zombiesh, anxiety, and at the time I was self-conscious about sexual side effects). \n\nI’m really curious as to how non-stimulants are different, specifically strattera I suppose, because I read online and it seems that a lot of the side effects are the same?", "I hate hearing nonsense about stimulants being a downer for people with ADHD. From what i know it depends on the ADHD type (ADHD really is just a bunch of symptoms involving impaired executive functioning and recent studies have shown all kinds of distinct nonoverlapping issues in the brain among different people), it depends on what stimulant and in what dose and tolerance. Also the effects are complicated and mixed, i get some normal people effects from stimulants while lacking alot of others." ] }, { "feature_id": 2059, "label": "The feature represents the clinical conceptualization and subjective experience of aberrant salience, cognitive distortions, and schizotypal phenomena.", "pearson_r": 0.47894186217778745, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.011463142811654194, "mean_pos": 2.9587562084198, "top_texts": [ "- Able to be silly around them and not feel self conscious or judged", "Anxiety and magical thinking (which isn't as fun as it sounds) can mimic paranoia a lot. Psychotic paranoia is all-encompassing and people will take any random stimuli to reinforce their beliefs. This is because the core deficit in schizophrenia is dopamine salience which means that everything, even completely unrelated things, are essentially taken as extremely important bits of information.", "Not officially diagnosed with STPD (yet), but it is on the table with my psych. I have been described in official tests as having disorganized thinking, perceptual abnormalities, mild delusions, paranoia, schizoid traits, possible mild autism.\n\nI brought up things like having a constant \"narrator\", paranoia that I know is based on nothing but still there, extreme trust issues, issues with salience (heightened sense of importance for irrelevant things, and a lowered sense for actually important things), extreme difficulties concentrating due to preoccupation with perception, my own inner dialogue (which is quite disorganized), etc. My therapist is going to have me try a low dose of antipsychotics and if it helps, that would pretty much narrow it down to STPD or at least somewhere on the Schizophrenia spectrum.\n\nAnyway, magical thinking is somewhat \"adjacent\" to disorganized thinking (which is a psychotic symptom) in that you feel a sense of connection between your own thoughts and a sense of control over the outside world in a way that's not sequential. It's kindof like paranoia - believing based on no factual evidence that you are missing something vital or that others are plotting against you or that there's a vague \"greater force\" that's making a chess game of life - except magical thinking doesn't necessarily involve a sense of persecution or alienation.\n\nFor example, you may believe in your gut (even if your rational mind challenges it) that if you think really hard about some future circumstance that you can make it more likely to happen based only on your thinking about it. Say you're planning to move to a new house soon. You may imagine what you want your new house to be like and kindof simulate in your head your life there. You may believe at some level that your imagination is actually reminiscent of an actual house that's out there that you will find and move into some day. Similar with relationships, jobs, cars, things that you have or may happen to you. Everyone has these kinds of thoughts, but what makes it magical thinking is the inability to *fully* realize that your imagination is basically just an abstraction of what you want, instead thinking that it's actually going to happen because you think about it a lot.\n\nSo in this way, it's similar to the feeling that a lot of people with Schizophrenia spectrum traits get that there's a bigger \"plot\" going on in life that they have some kind of inexplicable insight to - like a prescience of sorts. Magical thinking can turn into things like paranoia when there is anxiety or fear attached with it.\n\nBasically a kind of disorganized thought process where one has difficulty fully separating imagination from realistic expectations. Perceiving connections between unconnected things." ] }, { "feature_id": 8373, "label": "The feature represents an inquisitive or investigative mindset regarding mental health experiences and personal existence.", "pearson_r": 0.41256849850351734, "pred_f1": 0.6923076923076923, "freq": 0.011713330452384743, "mean_pos": 2.8941125869750977, "top_texts": [ "Why? Why and how are people so excited to exist? Idek if this is the right place to ask this, but just curious.", "I’m entirely too curious to ever think of watching my entire life consist of anything other than wonder. Watching my first reactions to things, laughing with myself, thinking oh, that could have been different, analyzing it.", "Lurkers, what is the most surprising thing about Schizophrenia to you? I know many people read this group’s postings that don’t have SZ, so I am curious...what is the most surprising thing to you about Schizophrenia and schizophrenics?" ] }, { "feature_id": 6686, "label": "The feature identifies descriptions of active physical domestic violence and interpersonal assault.", "pearson_r": 0.47041085297561264, "pred_f1": 0.5882352941176471, "freq": 0.010348670593854482, "mean_pos": 3.2088701725006104, "top_texts": [ "He backed me into a corner in the kitchen and kept hitting me. When I fell he stomped on my face and also choked me. I was trying to hit back but he's much bigger than me. When he starting choking me, I bit the holy hell out of his arm to get him off. He surprisingly did, after yelling about how it hurt, then went to finish packing.", "Before I could tell Erik we should go outside he threw me back onto the bed saying, \"yeah, you will make a deal. You will show me everything that you do behind my back, you fucking liar. You are always on your phone talking to guys and now you will show me everything!\" Erik had me on my bed laying pushed against the wall while he laid down on me with his full body weight. His body is so big and heavy it was making it harder and harder for me to breath as he was crushing me.", "He kept the pressure on my throat and I felt as if I was going to die or become unconscious. Erik finally let go only to hit me in my head a few times. I felt very scared from not being able to breath. Every time I tried begging Erik to stop he told me to shut up, that I was not allowed to talk. Erik used my hair as handles to bash my head on the wall at several different times throughout the attack." ] }, { "feature_id": 1005, "label": "The feature represents the comparative evaluation and side-effect profile of specific antipsychotic medications.", "pearson_r": 0.6766570111041832, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.007096231264357359, "mean_pos": 4.672746658325195, "top_texts": [ "I'm on Rexulti which is very similar. They're both newer drugs and they are dopamine partial agonists/antagonists unlike most anti-psychotics which are dopamine antagonists.\n\nI haven't had any side effects like I have with other drugs. Invega made my negative symptoms 10x worse, put me in a horrible fog, and made me suicidal and sleep 14 hours at a time. Latuda gave me unbearable akathisia. Rexulti has had no side effects and if anything helps my negative symptoms a little bit.\n\nVraylar and Rexulti are known to cause a lot fewer side effects like drowsiness, weight gain, and akathisia. If you don't like one you can always try the other. I'd recommend giving Vraylar an honest go.", "Rexulti is an evolved form of abilify. I've noticed a little trouble losing weight but haven't put any on in the last four months or so since starting it. Other than that, no side effects at all, not even the dreaded akathisia.", "I noticed lots of side effects with both invega and latuda. Invega made me foggy and suicidal and latuda made me so restless I wanted to cut my own legs off.\n\nI take rexulti now which gives me a little worse anhedonia and flat affect, or just flat and gray life in general, but no movement related side effects which is all I can ask for. You need to get lucky with insurance to get it covered though." ] }, { "feature_id": 9258, "label": "The feature represents the experience of chronic indecision and impulsive shifting between multiple interests or career paths.", "pearson_r": 0.45411479555335266, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.010667091227511543, "mean_pos": 3.0846848487854004, "top_texts": [ "Constant change in Interests Hello everyone.\n\nHow do you usually settle on a hobby and avoid engaging in multiple ones? Is there any techniques that can useful?\n\nI have a clear problem of jumping from one activity to another impulsively and have never been able to focus on one hobby. Even if I manage to focus on one let's say art, I jump around in the different activities or techniques under it and never finish one. (For example, from silk screening, to jewelery making, to embroidery to drawing to another and so on, I get the materials settle down do my research and loose interest soon after and do another thing).", "Choosing a career path seems impossible I'm a fairly intelligent person, and I pick up things pretty quickly. However, as you may suspect, I also drop them very quickly—or find a new interest that trumps the one I just obsessed over. Thin skin doesn't help, of course. \n\nHow have you struggled with career choice or lack thereof?\n\nWhen choosing careers, what has been the more challenging part? The emotional instability, the lack of a cohesive identity, or the proneness to impulsivity? \n\nWould love feedback from people on the other side of this who have made it out ok. However, I definitely welcome siblings in struggle to share their experiences.", "I seriously cannot decide what I want as a career and it annoys me to no end. I always bounce between ideas when it comes to a career path for myself. I’ve gone from therapist, midwife, early childhood educator, heavy equipment mechanic, professional organizer, life coach, business owner- like see? \n\nThe only constant I ever have is the vision of living in a skoolie (converted school bus/RV home), traveling across Canada with my wife and my daughter. But I need to get there first!\n\nDoes anyone have any advice on how to pick a career? Does anyone have a solid career as an ADHD-PI? I’m at a loss and don’t know what to do. \n\nTLDR: I can’t choose a career path because I am interested in too many things. Help. " ] }, { "feature_id": 9362, "label": "The feature represents difficulties with social cognition, emotional empathy, and self-perception in social contexts.", "pearson_r": 0.4818694246524267, "pred_f1": 0.6956521739130435, "freq": 0.011144722177997134, "mean_pos": 2.8790063858032227, "top_texts": [ "Right! ... For me it is a way of creating the attention I need. It usually deminishes when I deal with the reason why I feel neglected or overlooked. \n That is at least my own experience.", "Also, I wasn’t ever really confident. I was just too little to understand things like social norms", "It's sometimes hard for me to correctly gauge how urgent or serious situations are when others are describing them, because my ability to \"empathize\" with others is totally intellectual. I can think my way into someone's shoes, but I don't feel or understand their feelings. \n\nSo, for example, someone will ask me to take over something at work, or whatever, and I often will. To them, it's some bullshit thing they don't feel like doing. To me, work is important, because money and steady work are my access to personal security. So in that way, yeah. I'm a pushover. Easily manipulated in some ways.\n\nI'm also pretty agreeable, generally, for the most part. I'm not fussed by much.\n\nBut if someone is directly in my face and confrontational, or pushing boundaries? I'm not a pushover. In fact, I got in some trouble as a kid for escalating a situation with another boy out of proportion. Again, it was because my ability to gauge his intentions was hindered by my lack of empathy, so I didn't realize he was bluffing." ] }, { "feature_id": 963, "label": "The feature represents the lived experience and medical navigation of fibromyalgia.", "pearson_r": 0.5751337815683006, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.010416903586780995, "mean_pos": 3.079353094100952, "top_texts": [ "Your doctor is an asshole. There are many medications that can help people with fibro. And there are many supplements that can help our symtoms as well. Look through the fibro sub and you will find posts that have many different medications and supplements mentioned because they help and for the most part they work. He is not wrong that exercise helps. Buuut there is the caveat that it can also hinder as well if not done properly or done too much or too quickly. But it is certainly for most people not the 'best thing' and medication should always be an option", "Diagnosed 5 years ago? But have had fibro for 9 and just put off diagnosis since I was 'handling it'. I'm not always in pain, but my normal baseline is about a 2/3 on a good day - main pain points are my neck, shoulders and lower back. But becuase I'm so use to it, my body doesn't always recognise it. I am on near daily pain meds though. But I do have severe pressure pain sensitivity and was the worst my specialist had seen in that regard... Even light touch can be very painful and medium touch can leave bruises. The newer pain in my ankles, wrists and hands comes and goes but has gotten so bad I couldn't use my hands without opiates. Everyone's fibro is different, but it sounds like it could be fibro, I would definitely not ignore long lasting or severe pain, and talking to your doctor about fibro could be good. - my other main symptom for this illness that I have is fatigue, and that is really severe.", "Fibro is an umbrella term, but I personally didn't need to get tested for anything else. I fit the diagnostic criteria for fibro perfectly. Do other people potentially get an incorrect diagnosis? Sure, that happens alot with quite a few different illnesses. Does it mean fibro does not exist by itself. Absolutely not." ] }, { "feature_id": 8360, "label": "The feature represents the psychological and physical distress associated with experiencing acute illness.", "pearson_r": 0.6847821213147407, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.009598107671662838, "mean_pos": 3.3310019969940186, "top_texts": [ "Tremors and the Flu My first post here, hi. I recently came down with the flu and have been in bed, which seems to have worsened my symptoms. Just curious if anyone else has been sick and had tremors or other physical things amplify. ", "Flu depression So I caught the flu on Tuesday and went down hill rather fast. I feel so hopeless cause this is the 5th semester in a row that I’ve been sick with something that puts me out of class for a week or more. My semester was going so good before this, I was eating healthy and working out and taking my vitamins but non the less I still got sick. Now I’ve miss an upper level physics lab, my first exam, a calc 2 quiz and upwards of 10 homework assignments. I feel like there’s no hope that I’ll ever have a good health semester. Now I feel like I’ll have to drop out of this semester because I can already feel myself getting pneumonia due to my asthma but my doctors never believe me until I can’t walk to the bathroom without getting outta breath. I just feel so hopeless", "DAE get incredibly emotional while sick? I’ve been fighting an awful cold or flu for about a week now. I have barely been able to get out of bed. For some reason, when i’m sick, I always get emotional. I cry at everything and I hole up and refuse to engage in anything. I also always let my apartment get messy. A factor in it could also be that I ran out of my prescriptions and haven’t taken my medication in a week. This is my first time getting since sick starting treatment and getting diagnosed. I feel so alone and unloved because no one has really been here to care for me. I hope I make sense, i’ve been spiraling all day and trying to get myself under control. \n\nDoes anyone else feel like this?" ] }, { "feature_id": 8385, "label": "The feature captures expressions of existential distress, pervasive apathy, and uncertainty regarding one's mental state or life direction.", "pearson_r": 0.4131891861814502, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.011349421156776673, "mean_pos": 2.7887327671051025, "top_texts": [ "i’m on doxycycline now for the next 2 months but i don’t want it to get worse i know thats the process but i already wanna call off work every day", "Yeah I get that too. And after doing something I suddenly realise I was doing that and then the doubts come of whether I was wasting my time with that activity or deserved to feel burden-free for that time.", "I just Googled my symptoms Said some shit about lung cancer or something which probably isnt true at all but what's great about being in a state of depression is that you dont give a fuck if you die! Therefor I cant worry about anything hahaha " ] }, { "feature_id": 6551, "label": "The feature captures experiences with the public psychiatric healthcare system and clinical treatment processes in Denmark.", "pearson_r": 0.491235932432412, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.0074828848909409326, "mean_pos": 4.218774318695068, "top_texts": [ "Det kunne han sagtens forstå. Han ville anbefale mig at være yderst opmærksom på om mit forbrug ændrede sig over tid og om det hand sammen med ændringer i mit helbred.", "Jeg flyttede til Horsens i 2015 og boede der i tre år. Jeg var ude og inde af den ambulante psykose afdelingen de år. Kan det være der vores veje har krydset? Jeg mindes ikke at vi har snakket. Som sagt virkede du bare bekendt, særligt dit smil :)", "Et godt råd er at være meget forsigtig med doseringen. Mængden af THC i jeres produkt afhænger naturligvis af doseringen. Jeg lagde ud med 0,1 gram tørret blomst (Nordic Light auto). Da THC bliver metaboliseret i leveren når man spiser det, så er der en forsinket effekt på 1-2 timer. Effekten varer også længere og man kan opleve hallucinationer ved høje doser. Personligt oplever jeg tid- og rumforvrægninger ved højere doser." ] }, { "feature_id": 3486, "label": "The feature represents the conceptualization and discussion of intrusive thoughts.", "pearson_r": 0.8629070443612519, "pred_f1": 0.8888888888888888, "freq": 0.00793777151045102, "mean_pos": 3.928572177886963, "top_texts": [ "I'm aware. I'm saying I don't think this would be helpful for intrusive thoughts.", "you might not be able to ever fully get rid of intrusive thoughts but you can lessen them and lessen the power they have over you.", "Every definition of intrusive thoughts online say they are unwanted and distressing. Please literally Google it, like I just did, since you claimed I was biased. That's the literal definition." ] }, { "feature_id": 3793, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of losing control, coherence, or orientation in one's immediate mental or physical state.", "pearson_r": 0.5607782560409358, "pred_f1": 0.782608695652174, "freq": 0.01091727886824209, "mean_pos": 2.8459055423736572, "top_texts": [ "Things can get a lot more complicated but most likely the loss of structure and a new environment combo.", "Losing control. Does anyone else get this? Does anyone else get these mental breakdowns where you completely lose control and usually get really mad and stuff? Where you're definitely not being yourself. After I'm done losing my mind I usually can't even remember what I said and feel like those words weren't mine. And this isn't just anger.", "To the receipt checkers at Costco... I don’t know how I manage to lose my receipt in the 90 foot walk from the checkout to the exit doors but I do... EVERY single time. At least I was able to find today’s receipt jammed in my pocket and I didn’t have to have it reprinted at customer service. Progress." ] }, { "feature_id": 306, "label": "The feature identifies confrontational or critical interpersonal feedback directed at another person's behavior or mental state.", "pearson_r": 0.3527247363400363, "pred_f1": 0.18181818181818182, "freq": 0.011031000523119613, "mean_pos": 2.812093734741211, "top_texts": [ "Your point is, you don’t want to admit you’re unhealthy? You might not be in danger, but you have to admit it’s not healthy.", "and you're in a bad place now aren't you? If you want to stay in a toxic relationship and being unhappy I can't stop you, but I will say it will only get worse.", "But yeah, it's really f\\*cked up and I wish you strength and wisdom. It's a right mess when it comes down to it and it wasn't of your own making either." ] }, { "feature_id": 7314, "label": "The feature represents hypothetical, counterfactual, or speculative self-reflection regarding past or future scenarios.", "pearson_r": 0.47600369819694444, "pred_f1": 0.6956521739130435, "freq": 0.01023494893897696, "mean_pos": 3.0002174377441406, "top_texts": [ "I suppose so, yeah. That if I *would* -hypothetically- be able to feel like one or the other it would be that.", "If I actually knew what others were thinking, my life would be all that much easier.", "And as far as my reaction if someone started flirting with me... I think I'd be terrified (lol) and extremely uncomfortable now." ] }, { "feature_id": 9900, "label": "The feature represents the promotion of lifestyle-based self-regulation and grounding techniques for mental health management.", "pearson_r": 0.47166207019225753, "pred_f1": 0.5882352941176471, "freq": 0.009302431368981281, "mean_pos": 3.2822492122650146, "top_texts": [ "In regards to exercises, bilateral tapping techniques, grounding sensory objects like spiky wooden balls, scents I can carry around and grounding techniques like labelling senses (5,4,3,2,1 technique, 5 things I see, 4 things I hear, 3 things I can feel/touch, 2 things I smell, 1 thing I can taste)", "Remind yourself that you are safe and ground yourself. What is actually happening in this present moment? Mindfulness exercises work sometimes, like any skill it takes a while to get good at", "Also, regular exercise somehow really helps me. I think my self esteem is a lot higher when I get the chance to do my sport. I have injured myself a lot recently, and while I was not able to exercise, I had a lot more issues with HPD." ] }, { "feature_id": 2978, "label": "The feature represents the exploration or identification of potential strengths, advantages, or unique positive attributes associated with a mental health condition.", "pearson_r": 0.4883377600447589, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.010030249960197421, "mean_pos": 3.0210824012756348, "top_texts": [ "As far as I've been able to tell there is no upside to schizophrenia. People are supposed to be able to tell the difference between internal ideas and external reality, we often lack the ability to do that. We will actively ignore external stimuli in favor of reacting to internal stimuli as though it is real. That's a problem.\n\nAny advantage that there might be, such as active imaginations and thinking outside box, are found plenty enough in people without this condition. Sorry to be the pessimist here.", "Is there any advantage in having adhd? Hi guys, i just want to know if there are certain advantages in having adhd.", "Benefits of adhd In my experience my adhd feels more like a benefit because i often come up with new idea's or have more energy than others. It also feels like certain senses are enhanced compared to \"normal\" people,especially when i suddenly hear something move. So do any of you have stories that make you love your adhd?" ] }, { "feature_id": 794, "label": "The feature represents the use, experience, and risks associated with benzodiazepine medication for mental health management.", "pearson_r": 0.8272767611153811, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.00814247048923056, "mean_pos": 3.7020068168640137, "top_texts": [ "Here goes nothing..... Today I got prescribed Klonopin while currently in CBT. I was prescribed .5mg 3x a day every 6 hours and I’m kinda scared but I’m at a dead end. Nothing and when I say nothing I mean NOTHING has worked so far, medication/therapy wise. I was holding off from Benzos unless I got to this point but here we are.... wish me luck!\n\n(Withdrawal gonna be some scary shit lol)", "Benzodiazepine addiction and psychosis I really fucked up guys, I thought at first that I would temporarily use Xanax and klonopin until my antipsychotics were ready at the pharmacy, but they keep telling me they don’t have abilify right now. I’m up to 2mg of klonopin and 2mg of Xanax a day+ now for about a month and a half. today I thought to try and start weaning off and I can feel the psychosis coming back. I don’t even know what’s going on at the pharmacy and I’m running low on pills and benzo withdrawals+returning psychosis is scaring the shit out of me. Can anyone help\nMe decide what to do. I’m laying in bed having a panic attack and my vision is starting to get all fucky again ", "I only read the title, I didn't see it needed to be a long-term solution 😅 I'm prescribed all benzo as needed" ] }, { "feature_id": 3052, "label": "Physical sensations and somatic symptoms related to nerve pain or dermatillomania.", "pearson_r": 0.36903270936771526, "pred_f1": 0.5882352941176471, "freq": 0.009370664361907794, "mean_pos": 3.2164509296417236, "top_texts": [ "I don't know what's going on with my nervous system... Dunno if this is the right place to put this but whatever. At this point I'm sold on going to a neurologist to get my nerves checked out, because it seems like they are slowly getting damaged. I don't know what's going on so I suspect the worst of it. \n\nIt's like my health is slowly deteriorating. But that's what I should've seen coming, right? I don't eat fruits and vegetables so this is expected. I don't know. I don't want these problems. 2019 is absolutely the worst year of my entire life. I've bren unlucky this whole year. Hope everyone is being happy and living their life to the fullest. I'll just be laying here on my phone. \n\nMost neurological disorders have no cure so there's that. No hope to get better then for me. No known illness to associate with my symptoms. No depression, no anxiety, and then still my nerves keep getting worse. No hope for me.", "Is it related to nerves? Did you have symptoms like mine?", "The nerve pain, well……..doctor says we don’t know so we aren’t going to do anything about it (yeah idk)" ] }, { "feature_id": 613, "label": "The feature represents the lived experience and social challenges of transgender identity.", "pearson_r": 0.4554939107284396, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.007983260172402029, "mean_pos": 3.7613236904144287, "top_texts": [ "same, its even better that im trans and ill never look like an average cis female does! :D (kill me) ", "Transgender School Rumors I’ve been dealing with this rumor that a popular guy told a girl, and the girl told other guys, and now the rumor has gotten around. I’m now a senior in high school and the rumor started last year when I was a junior. My life was perfect before.\n\nThe rumor is that I’m a male to female transgender and that I have a penis. \n\nIt has ruined any possible friendships I could’ve formed with males at my school and I often hear people whispering about me. \n\nA couple weeks ago, I heard this guy saying “trans, trans, trans” around his friends when I was walking past them. \n\nI often wear a fanny pack now because the little bulge thingy on the zipper that shows up when I wear jeans just fuels the rumors. \n\nActually, my teacher fueled the rumors Friday when I said “here” quietly during attendance and she said “that wasn’t your voice, it sounded too deep!” And went on to make a deep, masculine sounding voice to mimick me. And you already know how this is gonna turn out Monday.\n\nThis rumor is just ruining my life. No one wants to talk to me other than the friends I already have now, and I can’t believe people believe this rumor. \n\nAny advice on how to fix this, or is the damage already done?", "You don't need to make changes to your appearance to be trans. I'm not suggesting you don a new label overnight, but if you're saying you don't really feel cis, and you experience dysphoria, that kinda makes you trans. " ] }, { "feature_id": 4926, "label": "The feature represents the explicit internal struggle with self-esteem and its impact on personal worth and interpersonal relationships.", "pearson_r": 0.37470226945651985, "pred_f1": 0.6923076923076923, "freq": 0.008688334432642664, "mean_pos": 3.448045253753662, "top_texts": [ "Feeling invisible is the worst Hate when no one texts back. Such a blow to self esteem, even when I try to use logic and reason, my self esteem still takes a hit.\nNeeding other people so much makes me feel weak, and I hate hate hate that. I wish I could be stronger. \nMaybe it's just time to go to bed.", "Also, regular exercise somehow really helps me. I think my self esteem is a lot higher when I get the chance to do my sport. I have injured myself a lot recently, and while I was not able to exercise, I had a lot more issues with HPD.", "Anyway, my main point was the fact that a lot of books seem to villainize us a lot and I think it genuinely hurt my self-esteem and made me feel even more guilty about myself." ] }, { "feature_id": 2576, "label": "The feature represents the psychological resistance to or strategic avoidance of apologizing as a perceived sign of weakness or loss of status.", "pearson_r": 0.38103879410557406, "pred_f1": 0.42857142857142855, "freq": 0.009802806650442378, "mean_pos": 3.0540332794189453, "top_texts": [ "To apologise is to admit fault. I'm only going to do that if I clearly did something wrong but that rarely happens. It's easy to say stuff which almost feels like an apology but isn't, so often you'll get that.\n\n\"I didn't like it when you did X\"\n\"Okay, I'll try not to do X around you\"", "You don't look down on people who say they're sorry? I didn't know apologizing for things earned you respect; I always saw it as you admitting your subservience and demeaning yourself in the social order. The occasional apology is necessary, but the more you apologize, the weaker you are.", "BPD affect your ability to apologize? My bf of a year brought up that he rarely hears me apologize, he blamed that on bpd...as he does a lot of other things 🙄. I do things to correct mistakes instead of just apologizing. I grew up that way. \nToday's instance was when i got home from work I immediately laid down. I've been exhausted from either my growing depression (almost 2 years since mom died suddenly), or thyroid not being treated correctly. He came downstairs saying that it must be nice to just go to sleep to avoid feeling guilty for not taking responsibility, and left to clean out the car. You can imagine the NEW guilt that left me and the SI that I completed. \nI cleaned up the house, his messes, left him notes. Started writing in my journal and he got home and the beginning happened, that he rarely hears me apologize. \n\nI always attributed it to the way I was raised. My parents rarely apologized. My brother didn't. We weren't affectionate. " ] }, { "feature_id": 1329, "label": "The feature represents the clinical experience and side effects of taking the antidepressant medication Wellbutrin.", "pearson_r": 0.3510936908443335, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.005822548729729115, "mean_pos": 5.091744422912598, "top_texts": [ "prescribed wellbutrin so i just finished my appointment to get tested for adhd. the doctor isnt sure what it is thats really going on, i talked to him about some possible anxiety and a few episodes of depression i’ve had before. he said i may or may not be bipolar but he isnt sure so he prescribed me wellbutrin and some other medication for general anxiety i dont remember the name of as i havent even picked up the script yet. but i want to know what some of yalls experiences have been with wellbutrin and the pros/cons of it. im kinda excited about finally taking a step to get my shit together and get my life on track but at the same time i’m super nervous because this is the first time i’ve ever done this stuff before ... many thanks to those who share :) anything is appreciated", "Memory Issues - Wellbutrin or Depression? Heya, 32M here. I’ve been on Wellbutrin for 2 months now to treat persistent depressive disorder. My memory has always been bad (forgetting names, taking a while to recall what I did a few days ago, etc) but lately it’s seeming worse. 3 weeks ago I lost a job due to forgetting about a schedule change (after already being on the rocks for lots of minor tardiness from before Wellbutrin) so my stress has also increased. Also going through a breakup and recently got a nerve injury in my leg/foot.\n\nSo then yesterday I lost my wallet for the first time in a decade. It had a paycheck in it along with ID, insurance and check cards and I’ve got doc appts this week. Looked for it all day, tearing up my room and retracing my route to the bank. After getting home empty handed I felt intoxicated/frazzled (anxiety?) and couldn’t sleep last night. Also having a really hard time focusing - one example is I brought home groceries the other day and did dishes and started cooking a meal before I remembered to put the groceries away. \n\nI feel like I’m losing my shit and I can’t tell if it’s just breakthrough depression messing with memory/focus or if it’s Wellbutrin. With all the life stress it’s hard to tease the issue out. ", "First day on Wellbutrin, do I really want to get rid of ADHD? Hey guys,\n\nToday I started Wellbutrin (150mg). It took a few hours to kick in, but now I feel kind of stoned.\n\nMy brain is not racing anymore, only one idea comes at a time. So of course it helps to remain focus. But if staying focus means having a narrow thinking, do I really want that?\n\nI feel like a horse with blinders. \n\nIt's like I'm becoming stupid, as if I had smoked something. If I continue, I'm afraid I won't be smart enough to deal with my life.\nOf course, I'll less likely be angry for no reason, I'll be able to stay focused and do things. But what about the global vision ? Being able to see things in big?\n\nWhat do you guys think? Have you already experienced that? \nIs it because that's my first treatment day? Should I continue my medication, and see how it goes during the week?\n\nRight now, I'm wondering if my ADHD is not something I prefer, with thoughts racing everywhere in my mind.\n\nThanks for reading me\n\n" ] }, { "feature_id": 890, "label": "The feature represents the experience of seeking or evaluating professional crisis intervention services.", "pearson_r": 0.38190821736986214, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.009097732390201741, "mean_pos": 3.245393753051758, "top_texts": [ "Do I call the helpline or am I just wasting their time Long story short, last week my therapist called me (she's called me each week since lock down as the place I go for therapy is now shut. So shes called me twice) and I didn't answer her call due to feeling horrible. \n\nInstead, I texted her the next day telling her I felt suicidal. Because she is not working, i then received a call from the new hotline they set up and then I proceeded to tell them what was going on. I then had to visit a different place so they could see where my head was at and they said they'd send home treatment and medication. \n\nA day later I get another call, and because I felt like I was going to get help I told them I didn't feel as bad, was then told I wasn't getting home treatment but instead, the person I talked to on the hotline would call me. \n\nI still haven't received the call and it's been nearly 7 days, and I now feel stuck, abandoned and worse than ever, it's like I don't matter. I've tried calling the number for the hotline but its going to voicemail for a different person than i spoke to, and ive forgotten the name of the woman that I met to talk about home treatment. I don't even know what to say, it's like my brain is on fire, I now feel like I'd just be wasting their time as they haven't called back. I know theres probably loads of other people going through it and need the service, so I'm just stuck and anxious, I feel shitty for being so selfish but I just need to talk to someone because I feel like I'm going to do something. \n\nSorry for the long rant and no one will probably reply to this but I'm so stuck and I really don't know what to do or say, I feel like a huge burden.", "I called three different helplines tonight I wanted to end things tonight. I came incredibly close to doing it but chickened out. I knew it would fail and I’d have to deal with the consequences. I still feel so rough\n\nI called the helpline given to me by the Adult Mental Health Team for their patients. I spoke to a mental health nurse. She told me this is expected because of my change in medication. She didn’t tell me how to deal with it. She said it’s my brain missing the serotonin and it’ll be ok soon.\n\nI called NHS 111. They deemed it not an emergency since I didn’t go through with it. I’m ok with that since I really don’t wanna spend a night in the hospital waiting room so I can chat to a psychiatrist for 10 minutes. The call taker was very mechanical about things. She told me to speak to a crisis team.\n\nI called my local mental health crisis team. They said I should speak to the Adult Mental Health Team helpline (the one I called first). They said I should take my meds for the night and then listen to some music. Just mindfully listen and clear my head.\n\nIt was weird. They all just decided the call was over. They never asked if I had anything I wanted to say. Maybe that’s unreasonable for me to expect. If I called three helplines and none worked, maybe I’m the problem. They were all trained healthcare professionals, not volunteers. It should have worked. I feel like a lost cause.", "I have heard so many bad expirences from people who call the Suicide Hotline in the United States. Just completely unempathetic people who do not care. Not surprisingly. They are not even trained at all from what I have heard, they are volunteers who have no idea what the hell they are doing. How the hell can you run a hotline that supposedly has the purpose to help someone who is suicidal yet don't even require training for the fucking volunteers trying to talk Jimmy down from pulling the trigger on the fucking gun he has stuck to his head? EMTs and EMS require training, even unpaid volunteers. But if someone is trying to kill themselves, who fucking cares?" ] }, { "feature_id": 8911, "label": "The feature captures interpersonal communication friction and the subjective experience of being misunderstood or ignored in relationships.", "pearson_r": 0.7673153125526144, "pred_f1": 0.8571428571428571, "freq": 0.009689084995564855, "mean_pos": 3.034409999847412, "top_texts": [ "I was tested for depression and they said that I passed the test I was distracted and didn't hear what my doctor said do I have depression or not? [extra context below⬇️] My doctor said, \"the results were a pass, which is normal for a kid in your situation\" (divorced parents and other things that i'd rather not share online.", "Ignored It's Friday, I just want to go out and have fun. I message some people and literally no one answers. Maybe a couple answered once to make it look like they are trying, but still get left on \"delivered\". No people, I don't want to hang out with you because I think you have some weed or alcohol, I want to get out of my house because it's lame. Instead, here I am on friday night, bitching on reddit. Shit makes me want to go pop a box of benadryl to leave reality. Makes me want to cut everyone off and do whatever the fuck I want to do without fear of consequences. Fuck this place and fuck mostly everyone.", "My husband and his ADHD I just recently saw ADHD trending on twitter and the many things associated with it. I’ve been with my husband for three years now knowing he has ADHD and it made me realize I’m possibly being insensitive to some of the things I did not realize are associated with this disorder. \nHe’s great at paying bills on time, doing college work, but he gets very irate if I interrupt him while he’s doing any of that. \nThe reason I think we argue most is he just never seems to hear a word I’m saying. It seems like every time I say a sentence i have to repeat it. And it makes me feel like he doesn’t care what I’m saying. But yet he has to multitask and listen to many things at work. Could that still be his ADHD or him just choosing to not listen? \nReally I’m just trying to understand a bit more here." ] }, { "feature_id": 10015, "label": "The feature represents the philosophical exploration of the right to die and existential questioning regarding the value and termination of life.", "pearson_r": 0.409785763342824, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.010121227284099438, "mean_pos": 2.9000582695007324, "top_texts": [ "the right to die i know this can be pretty controversial (because of ethical reasons), but i just feel like when someone becomes a legal adult they should have the right to die, right? like i strongly believe people should have to right to make their own life choices. i do think help should be available for the people seeking it and for those who actually want to better themselves and their lives, im all for it. but there are some of us that just dont really care or have any interest in life overall. specially for me the thing that annoys me is that theres always gonna be problems, i just wasnt built for this and to withstand this, nor do i want to be a mentally stronger person. im fully aware that problems dont last forever and theres always a solution, but just the fact that theres always gonna be problems just makes me so fuckinh tired of life. i think its more morally wrong to force someone that's literally already dead in their minds to stay alive.\n\nthoughts on this? ive thought of starting a movement lol, i know theres this thing called euthanasia but from what i read thats mostly just for terminally ill patients or old people. but being mentally in pain 24/7 is just as bad so i dont see why thats not included in the conversation", "People say what we do with our bodies and our lives is a choice. So I’m wondering why euthanasia for any adult can’t be legal? (Unless it’s already legal in some part of the world.) If it was legal for adults of any age to choose to euthanize themselves, I would totally choose to do it. \n\nWhat do you guys think?", "Why isn't death human right? First of all, sorry if this is against rules but this is serious question/thought and I don't know where else to post this and I wanted to know if anyone else has similar thoughts.\n\nSo I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I feel like it's weird that we're technically not allowed to make the biggest decision of our lives ourselves, the decision whether we want to keep it or not. I might sound like an emo teenager, which I'm not, but since none of us chose to be born and are expected to live by certain rules, why aren't we allowed choose to not be part of this world if we don't like it. Of course as children we may not be qualified to make such choice yet or even as young adults, but lets say around age 20-25 after getting the general idea of how world works and what to expect from this life, we were first asked whether we want to continue living or not. If not, there could be some sort of \"repentance period\" of 3-5 years during which you can still change your mind and you'd get therapy or whatever help you can to see if you get better. If you still wish to die after that, you would be provided humane, quick and painless way to die. At least it would be better than a suicide that is more likely to be painful and comes as a shock to your close ones and potentially endangers/traumatizes innocent bystanders.\n\nI get that this would still be far from ideal, some people may have suicidal thoughts for 10+ years and still get eventually better, your close friends and family will always suffer and likely oppose your decision to die even if they see that you're not enjoying your life. Still, at the end of the day, it is your life and I feel like people should, after having the lack of will to live for certain period of time, be allowed to legally and humanely end their lives.\n\nPerhaps this post would better fit in r/philosophy or something, but I feel like I'm missing something obvious and fear that I'd get ridiculed for my thoughts in most other subs." ] }, { "feature_id": 4008, "label": "The feature represents the emotional distress and existential crisis associated with a personal or parental cancer diagnosis.", "pearson_r": 0.742961236024361, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.007687583869720472, "mean_pos": 3.7885255813598633, "top_texts": [ "I found out my mother may have cancer It’s the fist time I ever talk about my feelings on reddit. \n\nMy days have always been difficult and I never really connected with everyone at school or on internet. I was always so depressed and sad. I felt like I was a mistake and that I souldn’t be there. My only reason to actually continue was my mother. She is perfect. She is always here for me, she’s sweet and generous. She is the kindest person I ever seen. So she is my reason to live. \n\nBut I found out that she had a tumor. She had an operation in December to remove it and it went well. But now, her doctor is thinking that she could have something even worse. A cancer. I don’t know how to react to it. My mother doesn’t know but every night I cry in my bed thinking about how in the future my world could end. \n\nI don’t know if it’s the good place to talk about it but it is all I could think about. \nSorry for my bad english. ", "My mother has been sort of fighting cancer for the last eight years. First round was brest cancer, she was put on five year probation with regular checkups after they tought they had gotten rid of it. Turns out couple o years later it’s spread to the lymph nodes, they are surgically removed. Again we hoped we might have gotten clear of it, but again a few years later, about six months ago that they had found cancerous cells on her hip and in her liver. Dousins of tiny cancer nodes (or ehatever their name is in english) and she has done two more rounds of chemo, but her body just can’t take it anymore. There is no more responsible treatment left to be had. In the last week her eyes and skik have started to turn yellow, and she lies down most of the time with pain/confusion.", "my mom hi, am 20yrs old and is my first time ever posting on reddit, i just dont know what to do anymore. my mom has cancer and the doctors say she may not make it. i cant stop thinking about her an how much i going to miss her, she is my world and i dont think im gonna be able to survive if she die. i cant stop crying all the time. i rly dont know what to do\n\n&#x200B;\n\nsorry for my english" ] }, { "feature_id": 4040, "label": "The feature represents the experience of social anxiety and discomfort related to maintaining eye contact.", "pearson_r": 0.5039462314023755, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.007596606545818454, "mean_pos": 3.824061632156372, "top_texts": [ "Not making proper eye contact is general introvert thing. It's important to make eye contact when you introduce yourself or meet up with someone. After that it's not as important to make eye contact for remainder of the conversation. It's super common but if you are avoiding making any eye contact then it throws red flags around.", "If you’ve associated eye contact with the teacher’s embarrassment, it could help to try associate it with something positive? Maybe a close friend or family member that you trust could help you practice. While all these rules you’ve asked for will help when you have the energy, when you’re tired, stressed or sick etc. these rules will be harder for you. So reframed eye contact as a positive thing may help. Reward yourself with praise, food, your favourite show etc.", "I can't make eye contact with people when I talk to them I always look down or to the side of someone when I talk to someone because it actually hurts to look at them without feeling awkward or somehow disgusting. Very rarely a girl comes to sit by me at lunch at school and when she talks to me I can't help but look at my food constantly or just barely past her or at her shirt or hair to avoid eye contact. What is wrong with me?\n\nEdit: I should say while I always dread any kind of social interaction, talking with people also doesn't come natural. It feels like I missed a social interactions class growing up lol" ] }, { "feature_id": 5134, "label": "The feature represents an urgent need for professional medical intervention or clinical crisis management.", "pearson_r": 0.7237923487987052, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.010371414924829986, "mean_pos": 2.789665937423706, "top_texts": [ "Leaving this here cause im stressing and everyone in this community is really nice. I finally got a xray after waiting 3 fucking hours (poor people dentist so very overrun with patients). Now im terrified as to what needs to be done. I'm worried I'll need to get multiple teeth pulled cause my depression makes me never take care of my teeth. Recently I have bad bad tooth pain and swelling around my top left back molar. I'll update you guys on what happens.\nhttps://reddit.com/r/MadeOfStyrofoam/comments/1bi02wq/at_the_dentist_shaking_vent/", "Should I go to a hospital? I can’t go a night sober without having a mini breakdown not much I feel and I don’t want to do anything when I’m at work I sometimes fight back tears because I really don’t want to be in public all I can think about is leaving to go to a hospital everyday life feels too stressful everyday is like I’m stuck feeling this pain", "Last night I took 280mg of fluoxetine and I'm not sure whether to see a doctor or not So, a bit of a backstory. I started fluoxetine in December, and it went pretty well until the end of February. I started off with 5mg a day, and after a week I was allowed to up the dose to 10mg a day. Since this dose has been working fine, my shrink and I haven't really discussed upping the dose again.\n\nDuring the end of February, I started taking my meds irregularly, and because some things had happened, I started to feel terrible and stopped taking my meds altogether. In hindsight, it wasn't the best idea to abruptly stop taking them. Ever since then I've been feeling pretty suicidal and have been having urges to overdose. I've been able to suppress those urges for a long time, but last night (about 20 hours ago) I was so zoned out that I took all of the fluoxetine that I had left while being in a very impulsive mood, not 100% sure with what intent since I know it wouldn't kill me. I went to see my therapist today and told her what happened, and she told me that it isn't very great for my liver. I've heard a couple of things about it, but I'm just not sure whether I should get it checked out or not. I guess I'm just looking for some advice from people that don't personally know me and aren't biased.\n\nI've been feeling pretty decent, considering. I do feel a little bit off, I've had a headache for a while, and I feel a slight pain in my chest/stomach area. \n\n\nTL;DR I took fluoxetine and apart from a couple side effects of the meds I'm not feeling terrible, but I'm scared I might be damaging my liver and not sure whether to get it checked out or not." ] }, { "feature_id": 8262, "label": "The feature captures themes of interpersonal trauma, narcissistic abuse dynamics, and the search for validation regarding abusive experiences.", "pearson_r": 0.6971628236408364, "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947, "freq": 0.010075738622148429, "mean_pos": 2.869967460632324, "top_texts": [ "Is it the same clone every time?\nImmediately after slapping me? No time to finish the job?", "okay. ANYWAYS. that was my long way of asking if like. was i molested? okay no that’s a bit much of a question.", "Isn't there another one that's Dismissive-Disinterested, or is that just another term for D-A?" ] }, { "feature_id": 464, "label": "The feature represents inquiries and experiences regarding the use of ketamine as a therapeutic or pharmacological intervention.", "pearson_r": 0.35608668968569357, "pred_f1": 0.18181818181818182, "freq": 0.007323674574112402, "mean_pos": 3.9275717735290527, "top_texts": [ "Scared of Ketamine treatments... Hey guys, first time posting here, but I could really use some help... I'm a 31 year old woman and I've suffered from panic attacks and depression since I was really young (like... elementary school). About ten years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar. We've done a lot of medication Jenga, trying really hard to find a good mix (I've been with the same doc since then, he is amazing). We can usually get me to a good place and then I'm fine for a while, but I eventually take a nose dive. I've been on disability for 2-3 years and unemployed since 2015 (though I did go back to school last year to get my BA). Currently I take Lexapro, Welbutrin, Lamictal, Lithium, and clonopin (xanax as needed, much less than I used to thankfully).\n\n \nSadly, we're at a bit of a stand still. We upped my lamictal and it does seem to be helping, but I don't think it's enough. We've been discussing trying out ketamine after I brought it up. I think he put it out of his mind because he knows the extent of my anxiety about being in control and ketamine completely takes control away (in my eyes). He decided what we could do is start will a really low dose (and I can take a little xanax before hand if needed, even though it can lower the effectiveness of the ketamine) and see how it goes. He advised how long it would take, what it feels like, and assuaged my fears of having panic during the treatment.\n\n \nThat being said... thinking about having the treatment brings me to tears. I have never done hard drugs or even been drunk. Being in control is of absolute importance to me. Being vulnerable is incredibly hard. From what I understand of Ketamine, I'll likely feel out of body and not have much sense of what's happening. This. TERRIFIES. Me.\n\n \nEssentially, I have a chance at finally feeling better but to do so I have to face my biggest fear. \n\n\nSO. Has anyone done ketamine treatments? Have you had similar concerns? What was it like, good or bad? I really appreciate any input or advice!", "Ketamine while waiting for med to kick in? I'm in really bad shape while I wait for Cymbalta to kick in. \n\nIt's worked for me well in the past, and I want to be on it so it will help my fibro as well.\n\nUnfortunately, I'm feeling nothing after 2 weeks on it and am terribly, glacially depressed.\n\nI doubt my doctor would go for this, but I'm curious if it's been an option for anyone. Has anyone gotten a ketamine injection to help you get through until a med kicks in? I haven't tried ketamine before but know it can help quickly. I wouldn't stay on the ketamine; I just need some sort of rescue.", "Anyone here who has gotten ketamine infusion(s)? Long story short, I just want to know if it's really as powerful as it is said to be." ] }, { "feature_id": 2964, "label": "The intersection of political engagement and its impact on mental health or personality disorder management.", "pearson_r": 0.7259645698653444, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.007892282848500012, "mean_pos": 3.638798475265503, "top_texts": [ "It’s a funny concept and I’m not saying someone with anti social personality disorder can’t be political but it certainly goes against the idea of being anti social or atleast it seams that way to me. In my opinion I doubt very many with ASPD care enough about any particular causes to maintain any level of dedication to it add to that a general distrust of authority figures, a distaste for excessive rules and a probable history of getting punished by the system. Doesn’t seem like the environment for highly political people, maybe to use a political ideology to con people but actually care about other people enough to be involved or follow politics? Seems unlikely to me but who knows. \n\nI see no difference between modern political ideologies and medieval religious factions. It’s all just about power and control. It’s built on a foundation of lies and it’s incredibly divisive in nature. It doesn’t really matter which one you follow they will all leave you disappointed and subservient. It’s a necessary evil to me nothing more nothing less. Keep some semblance of order so I can go to McDonald’s and get a fucking happy meal and go home without catching a flaming arrow in the side of the head from a wandering tribe that formed after society full collapsed and thats all I expect from it", "I’m cutting out politics. It causes me too much anxiety, depression, and stress. I’ve gone back and forth over this for a while, but I’ve come to a decision. I’m cutting out politics. \nI’m not reading the news, I’m not watching political debates, I’m definitely not voting. I’m out. \nI am clinically depressed and my first priority has to be myself. I’m not skimming the paper anymore, I’m not opening political news stories, I’m not turning on NPR. I’m not keeping up with it. \nI wake up everyday thinking about how awful the world is and I can’t do it anymore. At some point I have to take a step back and take care of myself. The 24/7 news and media cycle isn’t mentally healthy. I feel like the media is slowly driving me insane and I can’t do it anymore. I won’t.\nI’ve really struggled with this because I’ve always want to do the right thing, and people often tell me that Caring About Things(tm)is my civic and moral duty. Wrong. My first priority is my mental health. End of story. You can’t pour from an empty cup. \nPolitics only leads to me obsessively checking my phone everyday, ruminating thought circles that only cause me dread and anxiety over the future. I don’t owe anyone my peace of mind. I don’t owe anyone my sanity.", "Politics is killing me, and 2017 was the year everything became political Everything. From my mental illness and even the damn internet I use every day...\n\nI get my mother telling me that I need to get away from it. Asking if I'm a glutton for punishment or something.\n\nHow do I get away? I can't ignore it because it affects me.... I just don't know what to do" ] }, { "feature_id": 8865, "label": "The feature identifies discussions centered on astrological personality profiling and its perceived influence on emotional attachment and parenting styles.", "pearson_r": 0.4290620657424805, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.0063456683421657155, "mean_pos": 4.505070209503174, "top_texts": [ "Also a pisces sun, Aquarius moon was your mom neglected emotionally growing up? I was so I try really hard not to be but it takes a lot work doesn’t come naturally", "Haha sorry currently pregnant and off my adhd medications. At home with kids all day… he is An Aries sun Venus cancer rising Scorpio moon mars Saturn. It’s like speaking two different languages sometimes. But there is so much to learn from the other.", "Aquarius moon with a Gemini sun Aquarius moon daughter ! I was pretty neglected emotionally growing up and try so hard to not make my kids feel that way…the day she told me she felt\nUnderstood by me was the greatest day of my life" ] }, { "feature_id": 8396, "label": "The feature represents the conceptualization and implementation of interpersonal boundaries.", "pearson_r": 0.47995338012115624, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.0073919075670389155, "mean_pos": 3.8524534702301025, "top_texts": [ "I feel we aren't great with boundaries. Yes this is way too old lol", "Setting boundaries without them being on board and without them getting anything in return might be harmful, so for each boundary you set, ask yourself why it was crossed in the first place and if you two together can find a good alternative that will give them the same feeling and validation that caused the overstep. Communication is key :)", "I'm glad you are focused on boundaries now. Best of luck!" ] }, { "feature_id": 6953, "label": "The feature represents the physical and emotional experience of self-harm scarring.", "pearson_r": 0.5110456895571738, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.008165214820206063, "mean_pos": 3.4737157821655273, "top_texts": [ "\"You could bleed out!\"\n\"You could die!\"\nI didn't care about any of those, but if I knew about this thing I might've thought twice..😭\nNo one ever told me that when you go deeper, and your scars aren't professionally treated and healed that way...that they'll itch... CONSTANTLY. Even three years later with fully healed scars...still fucking itchy.\nEspecially when I'm hot and its summer, genuine HELL. It feels like thousands of mosquito bites all over my body 24/7. Some nights I'll be laying in bed unable to sleep cause I'll just be itching my legs cause it's so bad. It feels like what my eczema felt like on my feet when it was at its worst but there's nothing I can do to fix it.", "I wish my scars were more visible than they are. I haven't done it in a while but I wish that when I was doing it, that I made it so the scars would be bigger. Most of mine are very faint but you can kind of see them if youre looking for them. I don't know why I want them, maybe it's just as simple as showing that you've been through some shit and made it out on the other side. Or just thinking scars look cool. I dunno what's considered \"ok\" to say about it but I just like them 😬", "I have terrible scars but I’m engaged and our wedding is next year. It’s absolutely possible ❤️‍🩹" ] }, { "feature_id": 3608, "label": "The feature represents the struggle with chronic lateness and the associated interpersonal or therapeutic consequences.", "pearson_r": 0.5972941775681666, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.009120476721177247, "mean_pos": 3.0887491703033447, "top_texts": [ "I thought it was “cool” to be late all the time and have people wait on me like I’m important or something lol now it’s a bad habit", "Thank you to the people that understand! I don't know why but I just really want to thank the people that get how hard it can be, or just understand that mistakes you make, or things you forget, or being late is something you can't really help. Honestly that support makes such a monumental difference. \n\nI haven't been on time to work once in the past year, and my boss has never complained about it. He doesn't even bring it up, I think in his head he's just adjusted my start time to 2:10 instead of 2. Because honestly I'm going to be late but at least I don't have the tension of waiting to get chewed out over it. \n\nLikewise my friends generally expect me to be between half-an-hour to an hour late, and if it's essential we get there on time they show up early to force me to get ready. \n\nTLDR: A shoutout to everyone that has accepted your difficulties and accept that it's a part of you instead of raging at what you can't change.", "My therapist will not continue to counsel me because I'm always late. She says this is a sign I'm not motivated to change and that counselling will not help me. \n\nWhich is ironically the main reason I looked for a therapy -> Motivation to take part in life -> having my life in order so that I don't oversleep -> being punctual." ] }, { "feature_id": 5997, "label": "The feature represents the projection of emotional states, perspectives, or motivations onto another person.", "pearson_r": 0.7780446426948014, "pred_f1": 0.8888888888888888, "freq": 0.009643596333613847, "mean_pos": 2.904581308364868, "top_texts": [ "Do you feel like you’ll ever meet anyone you like as much as them again?", "Just read it yourself, then, and you can imagine whatever voices you like.", "Fair enough, it would make sense for you to feel that way. It sounds hard having that pressure to socialise along with finding it so difficult" ] }, { "feature_id": 4681, "label": "The feature represents the struggle with executive functioning and the anxiety associated with acquiring practical life skills.", "pearson_r": 0.37925666301115424, "pred_f1": 0.7272727272727273, "freq": 0.009279687038005777, "mean_pos": 2.9954330921173096, "top_texts": [ "I'm 27 and I can't get my drivers license Constantly I am told I have to start driving, I have to get a license, it's like a rite of passage or something. \nI didn't feel compelled to go for the test until I was 21, after so much pressure from those I know. I used the online practice tests available, and tried to answer the questions as best I could, but the official test doesn't allow one wrong answer. I made a wrong answer which bummed me out, the workers at the road school made me do it again, but I was so burnt up from the first failure I tanked even worse. \n\nI feel like such a loser for letting something so trivial stop me, I want to get my license and drive like people tell me to, everyone around me is getting their licenses, even kids next door to me who are only 16. \n\nIt doesn't help that many I know will shame me if I admit to not having a license, sometimes I get tempted to just make up that I have a disease or something so they will get off my back.\n\nSorry for posting something so trivial here, I guess I'm just drunk (again) and feeling abit frustrated.\n\nI feel intense anxiety when I even use the practice dummy tests they have on these websites. I don't really know if I actually WANT to drive a car, and I know it would make everything easier such as transport wise. \n\nHas anyone else been through this? Trying to get past this one tiny but fucking infuriating part of their life that they don't feel they can get through?", "I have a hard time with impulse buying so i made myself a sign It says: dont buy shit\nLink: http://imgur.com/a/qQpgaT8", "Zero motivation to learn anything new I've come to the realization that I don't want to better myself if it involves teaching myself. I hate learning that way and it's not as effective as having a mentor or teacher present. \n\nI'm in the marketing field and it's very \"never stop learning\" and \" you should be using the quarantine to create a new side hustle or get a new skill\". I have zero motivation to further my learning even when there's no quarantine. I want to move up in my career but without a teacher, mentor, or even someone else in my field that I can go to, it's near impossible. \n\nI literally need someone to walk me through things, which people might see as hand-holding. I'm aware that people can't just walk me through life, but there's gotta be some kind of solution\n\nI don't know anyone else who feels like this so is this normal? I WANT to want to learn, but straight up I do not want to learn a new skill. I know it will get me further in my career and my life, but I just can't bring myself to care.\n\nI'm on antidepressants and they've worked wonders for me the past year, but I can't get past this hurdle. It's starting to affect my job and such. Any advice is appreciated!" ] }, { "feature_id": 6755, "label": "The feature captures critical judgment and social commentary regarding female appearance, beauty standards, and body image.", "pearson_r": 0.6720283471115724, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.008893033411422203, "mean_pos": 3.1089391708374023, "top_texts": [ "Think of it like checking people out. You wouldn't check someone out in front of your partner, so why would you do it behind a screen. Liking posts is a form of communication. Either you're trying to communicate to the person you like what you see, trying to communicate to others that you like what you see or you are wanting to see more of the women's content on your feed. I dont believe there is not a single motivation for liking the women's post, unless you just sporadically like everything you see. In that case, it'd be best to change that habit. Whether you like it or not, liking posts is a communication. No women wants to see a post of woman liked by their partner, because it leads the women to think 'this is what he finds attractive and she looks nothing like me'. Then the comparison and the insecurities begin.", "I don't know what timeline you were in, but I was in the one where women were spray-tanned bright orange with shimmery eyelids and pencil-thin brows, fried blonde hair, and the kind of skinny that could only be maintained by Diet Coke, amphetamines and bulimia.", "It's also women criticizing other women. I have stretch marks all over my body and I get comments like \"Ewww why don't you laser them off?\" or \"Wow I'd never have the courage to wear shorts if my legs looked like yours.\" from women all the time. I was fine with them before that. It took me a while to be fine again afterwards." ] }, { "feature_id": 6991, "label": "The feature represents the discussion of Wellbutrin (bupropion) dosage, usage experiences, and medication management.", "pearson_r": 0.5780890414293827, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.006254691018263698, "mean_pos": 4.403720855712891, "top_texts": [ "300mg of Wellbutrin worsening depression Hey guys so about 10 days ago I upped from 150mg to 300mg of wellbutrin once daily in the morning.\n\nOn 150mg I didn‘t feel any effects.\nNow on 300mg it seems like my concentration might be slightly better. \n\nBut now after 10 days I often get that enorm rushes of nervous and stressful kind of hurtful depression. \n\nThat‘s especially the case when I‘m alone or when I‘m not stimulated by any stimuli. As I have social anxiety, people around me kind of stimulate me. Maybe that‘s the reason why I‘m not getting depressed when people or friends are around me. Or it‘s just the typical effect of distraction.\n\nTo my question: What would you say out of your experience? Is it normal to feel those side effects beginning the higher dose of 300mg wellbutrin? Is it a sign that the dosage might be too high, that I should stop, that the medicament is not the right one for me? \n\nThe depressive phases are very bad. I‘m in Europe, here it’s 6 am right now, and I just woke up at 5 with bad symptoms of depression and future anxiety.\n\nThank you for your attention!", "Wellbutrin side effects I've been taking wellbutrin for a couple weeks at 150mg and nothing happened and I stopped because I got the flu and was throwing up and didn't take them. My doctor increased the dosage to 300mg because I told him like two months of the 150mg wasn't doing anything. It's been about a week on the 300mg and it's been brutal. Every night my anxiety worsens and gets really bad and breathing gets harder and it feels like my throat is closing up and I get really scared. Is this a sign I should lower the dosage, stop taking Wellbutrin, or is this normal and I should lower through it?", "Just started taking Wellbutrin (bupropion) for focusing issues any advice/experiences with it? I just started taking Wellbutrin at only 75mg (low dose, I know) and am looking to see if it has helped anyone else on here. \n\nMy doctor said I can pick and choose when to take it, and that I don't need to take it all the time unless I want to. Does anyone else do that here?\n\nShe also said that I can increase my dosage to 150mg if I find that it helps better, and to just make sure I NEVER exceed 450mg. \n\nAny tips for a newbie? Any experiences shared would be greatly appreciated!\n\nAlso, how long did it take for you to notice an effect? I just started today. \n\nThank you :-)" ] }, { "feature_id": 7990, "label": "The feature represents the practical management, dosage, and side effects of Ritalin medication.", "pearson_r": 0.4430578299374036, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.006959765278504333, "mean_pos": 3.9413654804229736, "top_texts": [ "Got my diagnose and meds last week My doctor prescribed me 20mg Ritalin IR that I would take in the morning. The effects would last for three hours and then go off. Since i study, it got very frustrating when the Ritalin stopped working. My doctor then told me this week to take 40mg in the morning, but it also wears off after 3 hours. What should I do? Is it some other medication that lasts for a whole day? Or should I ask my doctor to raise the dose up to 60mg? Im 20 years and weight 80kg. ", "Was on ritalin for 4 years When I was 12 I got ritalin from my doctor, and I was on it for 4 years. Could my brain have gotten damaged? Thx", "Feeling nausea on Ritalin I’ve been taking Ritalin for about a week now, I feel nausea when I take it. I know you eat and drink lots of water on them, but anyone have any tips? Someone once told me a protein shake.. what’s your guys ideas?" ] }, { "feature_id": 5217, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience and cognitive impact of dissociative episodes.", "pearson_r": 0.8173187743413259, "pred_f1": 0.8695652173913043, "freq": 0.008074237496304046, "mean_pos": 3.3601865768432617, "top_texts": [ "Dissociation For those that have a problem with dissociation ,does it feel like your whole body is numb at times? .its gotten better but when i am having a bad time it is full force dissociation its tough to get through .do you have any tricks besides the usual grounding technique?", "edit to add: once i learned what dissociation was, i realized i had been dissociating regularly in my life to some degree. but i think at a time in my life where my emotions were the strongest, they traumatized me a bit so now i wonder if i just auto-dissociate when i have any emotion. when i was younger i often got the message my emotions were inappropriate or invalid", "I tend to dissociate when I’m in an episode. It makes it really hard for me to remember things, especially things I said during an argument. But it allows means I forget other things too, and that really sucks." ] }, { "feature_id": 2745, "label": "The feature represents the psychological trauma and long-term emotional impact associated with religious deconstruction and leaving a high-control religious group.", "pearson_r": 0.4586948774191081, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.00825619214410808, "mean_pos": 3.2854554653167725, "top_texts": [ "Hehe, it's incredible to see how much time and freedom you gain once you leave the church. And also how much stress you don't have. :)", "It will take time. You are relieved but the anger is overpowering it and that in itself is a burden you need to shed so you can feel the relief. And the thing is that you're out of the church now, but the church's claws are not out of you yet and after 30 years that's a lot to deal with. Patience is the word sadly, but it does get better over time.", "I'm 50 years old. Have been out of the church for just over 25 years. It's gotten less but I still have memories and well I have issues with not feeling worthy to the point that it's classed as a personality disorder that I struggle with daily." ] }, { "feature_id": 8120, "label": "The feature represents the process of self-reflection, personal identity integration, and coming to terms with one's past or developmental transitions.", "pearson_r": 0.4870567873948489, "pred_f1": 0.7619047619047619, "freq": 0.009416153023858804, "mean_pos": 2.835972309112549, "top_texts": [ "i need advice. (tw rape) i’m 16 and i was raped in june. since then i’ve left school to avoid seeing my rapist, but i saw him again today with a girl. i know he still preys on girls, and gets them drunk. and i know he still violently attacks them. i have been to the police a month after it happened but i didn’t want to take it any further. lately i have been thinking about revisiting the detectives involved and taking it to court, however i’m scared this will make my (already hard to manage) ptsd and depression worse. i just want him to stop. i feel bad everytime i’m reminded that i let him get away with ruining my life and i feel like it’s my fault if he does it again because i could have stopped him. i’m so lost and everybody’s telling me something different but none of them have been in this position. please somebody who understands tell me what i should do.", "Is reevaluation worth it? Background: I got diagnosed as a young kid. Had medication for a while but been without for well over 10 years.\n\nWith starting university, I am experiencing new struggles I hadn't had before or had in a long time, so probably can't remember.\n\nMade an appointment to “re-evaluate“ my diagnosis as there's also discussion about its correctness in the family.\n\nIt's a month away and I am so unsure if I should go or cancel, because “everyone has their problems, if you get the diagnosis (again) you will treat yourself (and your future kids) much differently“.\n\nShould I go, even if nothing comes of it/the previous diagnosis is declared wrong?\n\n(Not looking for diagnosis, just pondering a decision and looking for someone who might have been there)", "Yes, you'll probably start coming to terms with some repressed stuff. BUT!!! Don't let it WORRY you. It will be a wonderful thing...to understand yourself better. To know yourself." ] }, { "feature_id": 10156, "label": "The feature identifies the concept of \"high-functioning\" as a descriptor for mental health conditions or personality disorders.", "pearson_r": 0.4505418772005548, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.00877931175654468, "mean_pos": 3.04032301902771, "top_texts": [ "The thing with “high functioning” ASPD is for one all people function at a different level but the people I’ve known who had it some were just dickheads doing fucked up shit 24/7. Absolute assholes in general. Some were very functional at times and very smart and good with people socially but then would do extremely stupid shit like Rob a store for 100 dollars. It’s always comes out somehow, even if you can mask your disorder and not be on all the time and some are even sweet and appear really nice but they would Rob you blind if you left money they could get at friends or not. So I guess it depends on what you mean by high functioning. Also realize substance abuse disorders are rampant with ASPD so that just adds to the dysfunction", "I think I have high functioning depression and antidepressants haven't worked. What can i do? \nI have never been officially diagnosed with anything but I believe I have high functioning depression. I am a full time student and work full time, take care of my appearance and everything and have an active social life, but I'm miserable while doing all of it. There are admittedly a number of stressors in my life, but I tend to feel this way even when things are going well. Most of the time I cry all the way home from work and randomly have meltdowns when I'm home alone. I also feel the urge to completely isolate myself from everyone and that it would benefit my friends for me to do so. I feel like a burden 24/7 and because of this I am unable to express my feelings to anyone because I feel guilty about offloading on them. \n\nI spoke to my GP about this about six months ago and he offered to either refer me to a psychologist or prescribe me Zoloft. I took the Zoloft because I thought it would be a quicker solution. However, about six weeks into the prescription my mind had completely spun out of control and I was incredibly depressed and anxious, had suicidal thoughts, extremely painful breakouts and was saying the most irrational things to my friends. I felt like I had no control over what I said or did. So I quit taking the antidepressants and now I am back to how I was feeling for. I'm not sure what my options are but I am just so sad all the time. I have dealt with this for so long thinking that I had no problems because I am still able to function on a daily basis, but now I realise I may need help.", "You are functioning normally now, well for the most part. I don’t think that’s what people mean when they say high functioning or maybe I am misunderstanding but I usually see that used by people who say they have ASPD but have always functioned normally in life (which isn’t a disorder)I don’t agree with this, you have a history and are managing to cope with your condition that’s different" ] }, { "feature_id": 2998, "label": "The feature captures personal experiences and side-effect profiles of specific antipsychotic medications.", "pearson_r": 0.8889502222998638, "pred_f1": 0.9473684210526315, "freq": 0.007346418905087907, "mean_pos": 3.626709461212158, "top_texts": [ "Invega made my negatives 10x worse and turned me into a suicidal zombie.\n\nLatuda helped my positive symptoms without aggravating the negatives but couldn't take it because of the akathisia.\n\nRexulti if anything helps the negatives for me but it's expensive if you don't have the right insurance.", "I have bipolar with psychotic features and being tested for schizoaffective over the next month.\n\nAround Christmas my psychiatrist put me on Invega. Within a week or so I got severely depressed and had sexual dysfunction. I had my dose cut in half for the next month - it was enough to throw me off but not enough to actually have an effect.\n\nI was switched to Latuda which seemed fine while titrating up, but 40mg gave me terrible akathisia so I had to dial back on that as well. The dose I'm on helps but only a tiny bit. I still have plenty of psychotic symptoms (even outside of mood episodes which is why I'm suspected to have schizoaffective). \n\nI was put on lamotrigine which helped somehwat and switched back to Invega. The same thing happened as before, the lamotrigine may as well not even have been there. Put back on low dose Latuda again. Next week I'm going to ask if I can be put on something that's not Latuda or Invega to see if anything else works.", "I noticed lots of side effects with both invega and latuda. Invega made me foggy and suicidal and latuda made me so restless I wanted to cut my own legs off.\n\nI take rexulti now which gives me a little worse anhedonia and flat affect, or just flat and gray life in general, but no movement related side effects which is all I can ask for. You need to get lucky with insurance to get it covered though." ] }, { "feature_id": 1930, "label": "The feature represents the clinical experience of derealization and depersonalization, particularly in the context of schizophrenia and dissociative symptoms.", "pearson_r": 0.6734769497380406, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.007141719926308368, "mean_pos": 3.714150905609131, "top_texts": [ "Depersonalization and derealization are common in schizophrenia. Except for some negatives in high school they were my first symptom.", "Derealization is what led to panic attacks in my early STPD days, but I got used to it but when it went to schizophrenia it got way worse again.\n\nDerealization in STPD can happen either as a result of anxiety or as a result of self-disorders.\n\nIt can be helped by learning to cope with stress, and you can learn to cope with it by realizing that it itself is not dangerous.\n\nLearn more about self-disorders [here](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/7583892_EASE-scale_Examination_of_Anomalous_Self-Experience).", "This is called derealization and it's a common occurrence in schizophrenia. It can happen for a lot of other reasons too, but in schizophrenia specifically it's part of something called ipseity disturbance which is basically a hard to explain change in how we experience our own minds and the world. It gets worse during psychotic episodes but usually exists in some form all the time." ] }, { "feature_id": 4042, "label": "The feature represents the act of blocking or being blocked in interpersonal relationships as a coping mechanism or source of emotional distress.", "pearson_r": 0.4284220328724732, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.0073919075670389155, "mean_pos": 3.5882511138916016, "top_texts": [ "in my opinion anything that makes me slightly annoyed I don't want to deal with it and I will block them, I have have enough to deal with in real life and I don't want my escape to be riddled with more stuff to deal with, I just want to chill...", "Ya what I do in order to not deal with that it’s blocking people", "My favorite person blocked me and I blame myself He was my ex, we were steady for 1 year and off and on for another, so 2 years In total I guess. It was the longest and one of the most stable relationships I’d ever had. It’s a long story and I really don’t want to have to type out all the details because I don’t want to end up triggering myself more. Long story short we were back together in December. He was acting weird and I just had this nudging feeling he was cheating on me. He was being distant. I acted out and left (not the first time I’ve done that, which I also hate myself for) I wanted to make him jealous so I got a new boyfriend. A month into the relationship with the new guy he breaks it off, I go back to my ex, hoping to start over. I find he has a new girlfriend. He said he still loves me but wants to give the new girl a chance. He then blocked me. I hate myself so much. I know what I did was wrong. I felt hurt and wanted him to feel the same hurt he has put me through in the past. Maybe if I wouldn’t have tried to make him jealous things would be different. He was so upset and wouldn’t stop bringing up the fact I was “in bed with another man”. I please don’t send hate. I know my actions were wrong and I regret them. It was the first time I’d ever really tried to “get revenge” per say. I just feel so hallowed out. I thought he was the one. And now I feel like I’m going to spend the rest of my life dreaming of him and he will wonder why he ever wasted his time with me. He probably won’t even remember my name. Either way he will be happier. And it makes me want to not be alive honestly. I just can’t forgive myself. I chased away the only person I’ve deeply connected with and loved with my whole being." ] }, { "feature_id": 7853, "label": "The feature represents the therapeutic and grounding effects of engaging with nature and the outdoors to manage mental well-being.", "pearson_r": 0.49501626655663333, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.007892282848500012, "mean_pos": 3.360628843307495, "top_texts": [ "Hiking, birdwatching, and anything involving nature. There have been many studies that show how great the outdoors are for improving your mental health.", "Surround yourself with nature. I love birding in particular. Watching the beautiful little creatures gives me a sense of joy. As well as this, learning all the species and being able to identify them and document my sightings when I’m out birding gives me a sense of accomplishment. I also like learning about different types of plants and mushrooms so I can identify them when I’m hiking. When you are out in nature, be aware of your surroundings, consider natures endless growth and adaptation to the seasons and even harsh weather. Be in awe of the trees standing tall, and the intricate and unique patterns of all the different plants. Immerse yourself in the earth’s endless beauty.", "Depression and Nature and long walks (and getting out of the house in the first place) Every time I make it work to go outside, I can say for sure, that I will come back feeling somewhat better or at least a bit less foggy. The problem is getting up and going outside in the first place. Now, I am doing a project on this for my Storytelling Design Class and I want to create something that will motivate and make the experience outside more fun, but I have a few questions because I want to get this right.\n\n1. Do you have mild or severe depression? (forgive me if that way to describe the illness is not completely accurate, correct me by any means!)\n2. Does taking a walk really help? Does it help everywhere or do you have to go into nature?\n3. How much better is it to take a walk in a forest or a secluded natural area?\n4. How hard is it for you to get out of the house? What tricks do you use to make yourself go?\n5. Can you imagine finding it easier if you had a fun mission to do outside? (finding herbs in context of a mysterious story for example)?\n\n&#x200B;\n\nNow you dont even need to answer these really, its just stuff that comes to mind for me....write whatever you feel like :) I hope this is okay, I have something that I would call very mild depressions sometimes but I want to get a feel for how you guys are doing and make sure im not coming up with wildly unnecessary bullshit that doesnt even really help you :D" ] }, { "feature_id": 286, "label": "The feature represents the theme of seeking or sharing structured coping strategies, practical life management techniques, and institutional treatment information.", "pearson_r": 0.6168508662488967, "pred_f1": 0.7619047619047619, "freq": 0.008938522073373211, "mean_pos": 2.9232795238494873, "top_texts": [ "To make sure your cleaning doesn't consume your life, it might be helpful to set a routine rather than using the impulsiveness to guide your actions. My routine is that after I eat, I clear the mess. After I do laundry, I fold it right away. Every Sunday, I have dedicated cleaning time to do other chores. It takes a lot of time for these habits to set in stone and your 'think it, do it' mentality will come in handy here. My mentality is 'clear space, clear mind'.", "Writing things down! I just want to give a shout out to writing down everything possible in class lectures, meetings, grocery lists, that thing I said I would do with a friend next week, or even journaling. \n\nIt makes me remember the lecture better and provides help when studying while giving me a task to do and something to focus on in class and at work meetings (so I LOOK like I know what I am doing to others) AND I can actually figure out what happened in that meeting or when we agreed to follow up or where I am going to meet that friend and at what time and what date... \n\nThis doesn't mean I don't have a shoebox full of half filled out (or just 2 pages) journals under my dresser or a dozen notebooks I lost, found, started re-using then lost again. It does mean I have a mean preference for 3 subject spiral bound notebooks, pocket journals and legal pads. \n\nWriting things down is great, you look smart, you feel smart when it comes in handy and it helps me recollect what happened. \n\n", "In patriarchal societies, traditional gender roles often emphasize male dominance and control. This can normalize or romanticize aggressive behaviors in men, leading to an environment where violence is seen as a form of masculinity or power. \nThis normalization can affect how women perceive and respond to aggression in relationships. Women raised in patriarchal societies may internalize norms that associate aggression with strength or masculinity. \nThis socialization might influence some women to accept or seek out aggressive partners, believing that such behavior signifies strength or commitment. " ] }, { "feature_id": 1408, "label": "Skepticism or debate regarding the \"chemical imbalance\" theory of depression.", "pearson_r": 0.42785921963963236, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.0074828848909409326, "mean_pos": 3.488037109375, "top_texts": [ "the chemical balance theory is all bs to begin with anyways. It was a hypothesis in the 70s that has never been proven true, but pharma companies have ran with it", "They say depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain HOWEVER It’s literally the things in life itself that makes me and many others sad. I get that the brain has a lot to do with our minds functioning normally, but how is depression the cause solely from an imbalance of dopamine?\n\nI have moved from another country to where I am now. I have never fit in anywhere which then lead me to develop trust issues. Now I am 20 years old studying at university and I have poor social skills, I literally only have one friend who I’ve distance myself from and I am hating every minute of my life studying here.\n\nI don’t know what it’s like to not be depressed, if I wasn’t depressed would the way my life is now make me feel any better? Would the lack of friends and lack of excitement in the world change my perception of how bad life really is?\n\nI can’t understand when people single depression down to a chemical imbalance. Yes, medicine helps SUPPRESS the depression but it’s not helping you get better, it’s helping you forget you have depression. ", "Your depression version is that there's no such thing as chemical imbalance. But depression itself it's a chemical imbalance 🙄" ] }, { "feature_id": 8443, "label": "The theme is the identification with and discussion of personality typology frameworks such as Myers-Briggs and Enneagram.", "pearson_r": 0.48949020986880254, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.006618600313871768, "mean_pos": 3.9341201782226562, "top_texts": [ "Took this and got my enneagram as a 5w6 (I guess that means 5 is dominant with 6 being a higher score than 4?). Myers-Briggs always had me pegged as an INTJ, too.", "What's your Myers-Briggs personality type? I've been really fascinated at how much I can relate to mine, I'm an INFP. What are all of you?\n\nIf anyone doesn't know, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is a personality test that looks at four areas: extraversion/introversion, sensing/intuition, thinking/feeling, and judging/perceiving. You can take the test online on websites like 16Personalities. :)", "ITNJ. Very high openness, agreeableness (which has caused a lot of problems in life), and high neuroticism, higher than average conscientiousness, and lowest 1% in extroversion according to UnderstandMyself.\n\nITNJ is the \"architect\" personality which is pretty accurate since I am done with architecture school and training to be an architect atm." ] }, { "feature_id": 6693, "label": "The feature identifies physical side effects, specifically muscle tremors and twitching, associated with psychiatric medication.", "pearson_r": 0.5736976930807717, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.007619350876793959, "mean_pos": 3.3853297233581543, "top_texts": [ "I've had tremors while i was on Mirtazapine, they lasted for 4 weeks, but after that i got muscle twitches and they are still here. I am now tapering off and they are less frequent, but still there", "Yes, i have been on Mirtazapine for 7 weeks and i am currently tapering off. When i was on 15mg, my muscles were twitching, now that i dropped to 7.5mg, twitching is less frequent", "Insomniac looking for help Has anyone experienced twitching and/or involuntary muscle spams that worsen at night? Its been a contributing factor to my insomnia, which used to ne cured by over-the-counter meds...but my body is anticipating the next \"jerk\" of my muscles, so its fucking with my sense of sleep. Reddit, help." ] }, { "feature_id": 4824, "label": "The feature represents concerns regarding the development of pharmacological tolerance to prescribed or recreational substances.", "pearson_r": 0.6076151369352556, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.00741465189801442, "mean_pos": 3.438894748687744, "top_texts": [ "Will normal freqency masturbation cause increased tolerance to stimulant medications?? Ive been trying to find text about this but am having trouble. Can someone provide their experience? \nI'm on month 6 of 18mg Concerta XR once daily followed by 10mg booster in the late afternoon. I masturbate usually after every 2-3 days. During those days I do 1-2 times a day. Sorry for the bluntness I guess, just trying to put everything plainly so hopefully I get better feedback. \nAnyway, my medication is still working fine at this point. The euphoria has gone away as I expected, but I still have the beneficial effects on my emotions and focus that I need. \nI'm worried though, does this level of masturbation increase tolerance to the medication? All I know is that masturbating causes a surge of dopamine in the brain, and added with the effects of Concerta .. will this increase my tolerance over time? \n\nCan anyone share their experience, especially those who have been on medication much longer than I have?", "Adderall used to be the most amazing thing when I took it, eventually it didn't matter if I took it or not because my body had built up such a tolerance to it :-(", "How fast does vyvanse tolerance develop? Does this sound like I’m just developing a tolerance really fast, or that I’m not in the right dose, or that I should just try another medicine?\n\nI got prescribed 20mg in October of last year and it’s helped but I’ve been going up by 10mg every month until I hit 50mg and I stopped going up because I thought I was good and I didn’t wanna develop a tolerance too fast. But after my second month on 50mg it just isn’t really working anymore. \n\nI’m still much more motivated and organized than I was before the medicine and it’s still helping a lot with the anxiety my adhd was causing but I still can’t focus that well. I just finished reading a section of a textbook for class and I struggled to stay focused for more than 2 sentences at a time. It’s bad because the two main reasons I went to get tested for adhd were that I just couldn’t do readings for class and I just couldn’t pay attention to conversations for more than a minute or two \n\nI’ve loved my Vyvanse so far and I really don’t want to give it up but right now it just doesn’t seem to be working like it should. What do you guys suggest? " ] }, { "feature_id": 6029, "label": "The feature represents experiences of interpersonal bullying and the resulting psychological distress.", "pearson_r": 0.6686032815998416, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.0074828848909409326, "mean_pos": 3.4074432849884033, "top_texts": [ "I'm actually going to myself. I'm tired of being bullied, tried of having everyone else tell me whats right for me, tried of it all. ", "I also feel like OP could at least speak up to the person being bullied and let them know “I see you” and what they are enduring and offer to be a friend.", "Ptsd because of bullying? Dont know if thats the place to ask this but -hi. Let me know if i would get more answers somewhere else. \n\nIve been through 10 years bullying at school. I have ptsd because of it (along with with huge self confidence problems and anxiety). Said bullying ended a few years ago but the trauma is obviously still here. \n\nIve been wondering if anyone else has experienced ptsd because of bullying. Ive never met or talked to someone who did. And its quite recently that ptsd definition in DSM changed to also include trauma that happened over time in its definition." ] }, { "feature_id": 5492, "label": "The use of AI chatbots as a tool for emotional regulation, maladaptive daydreaming, or venting.", "pearson_r": 0.40406101782088427, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.008074237496304046, "mean_pos": 3.1439175605773926, "top_texts": [ "I mainly just play Roblox or Minecraft, sometimes sonic frontiers! I like roleplaying on c.ai mainly, i mainly just vent to my own OC bots in a roleplay format, it helps me cope💀", "Agreed. AI had been helpful for me when I want to emulate the relationships I'm currently stressing over, but it's been more helpful to just vent about the issues and get advice instead of role-playing.", "I used this bot. I broke free before the day started and put the Mayor in restraints, then I gave a speech and almost all the women + half the men killed everyone that supported this and we use the Mayor as a town punching bag to take anger out on. I'm also the new mayor." ] }, { "feature_id": 8287, "label": "The clinical classification and diagnostic criteria of schizoaffective disorder.", "pearson_r": 0.6601133146198351, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.008028748834353037, "mean_pos": 3.161119222640991, "top_texts": [ "The difference between schizophrenia+mood disorder and schizoaffective is that in schizoaffective mood symptoms must be present 50% of the time or more. Schizoaffective disorder is still \"full blown\" schizophrenia.", "The only thing I'd correct you on is that it's only schizoaffective disorder if mood disorder symptoms are present at least 50% of the time over the course of the schizophrenia symptoms, otherwise the two disorders are diagnosed separately.\n\nSchizoaffective is also a tricky diagnosis because nobody can agree on what the core actually is. Is it a psychotic mood disorder in which psychotic symptoms exist outside of mood symptoms? Is it primarily schizophrenia and the people coincidentally also have mood symptoms? Does it really matter? I'd argue that it's unique to whoever has it. For example mine is pretty clearly \"mostly\" schizophrenia due to it lasting multiple years in psychosis, has prominent negative symptoms, and had a schizophrenia prodromal period. However I also fully fit the criteria for bipolar 1 even if psychosis wasn't present. However, my schizophrenic symptoms are more disruptive and chronic in general.", "Perceive it how you want. Idc, that’s your business. But you don’t get to tell me how I perceive it either. Not to mention, argue with the fact that it is literally classified as a psychotic disorder with symptoms of a mood disorder. Not classified as a mood disorder with psychotic symptoms. That would be bipolar plus psychotic symptoms. Schizoaffective is a psychotic disorder with bipolar like symptoms. It is a psychotic disorder with mood disorder **symptoms**. SZA people call themselves bipolar because schizoaffective has a lot of stigma and bipolar is easier for people to understand." ] }, { "feature_id": 106, "label": "The theme is the adoption of a combative, retaliatory, or martial mindset as a mechanism for coping with interpersonal conflict or emotional distress.", "pearson_r": 0.8320923776544797, "pred_f1": 0.8888888888888888, "freq": 0.0083471694680101, "mean_pos": 3.0382165908813477, "top_texts": [ "Stay safe honey, after you move out and you are safe you can be what I was when I was younger and say “bring it on, I will mop the floor with your ass” but I was a mma fighter for a few years and I don’t value my life so don’t . And if you want to do it make sure you know how to fight, now go take care of yourself and do something you love, always think about that old age going to be the best revenge, take care ✨💕", "For my two worst offenders, they will each get a postcard. Everyone at work will read that post card as it gets passed to the executive director of the rehab center. The old lady will get a warning that she's not smart enough to protect herself and she should be thankful she picked on another elderly widow woman instead of someone looking for revenge for fun. Over the years I've been to the mayor, I've attended a number of (laughable) \"homeless conferences\". It's all a joke so no approaching from that angle.", "Well, i am over it to be honest, i will fight hate with hate, of course for those who deserve it, but you will never see me be a bigger person ever again, they will get the same exact treatment they are giving to others." ] }, { "feature_id": 978, "label": "The feature captures abstract, metaphorical, or poetic expressions of existential emptiness and identity dissolution.", "pearson_r": 0.5683214513610193, "pred_f1": 0.7619047619047619, "freq": 0.008051493165328542, "mean_pos": 3.1338253021240234, "top_texts": [ "The sweetest symbols often happen organically, rather than being planned in advance. Let the wind sounds represent danger and dread, let the dog represent devotion. Deepen the meanings of the things that feel important. Go with the flow and experiment. ❤", "I am no one A pilot without a plane\nA cop without crime\nA lawyer without the law\nA plaque with no people\nA villain without a hero\nA woman without a vagina\nA tree without leaves\nA patriot with no country\nA man with no morals\nA gem with no shine\nA slave with no master\nA body without blood\nA bird without a beak\nA cat with no claws\nAn angel with no halo\nA demon with no wings\nA bone without marrow\nA lion with no teeth\n\nI'm just a joke with no punchline.", "The Happy Girl Her spirit was vibrant, it lit up the room \nOh so contagious, for all to consume \nThey told her she’s charming, charismatic and free, \nHer secret was smile and presently be\n\nShe’s not that unique, just one of a kind \nGoes through her life keeping others in mind \nThis serves her so well, and keeps her at bay \nHer secret was smiling goes a long way" ] }, { "feature_id": 9716, "label": "The feature detects narratives involving interpersonal rejection, social avoidance, or the anticipation of negative outcomes in specific relational or professional interactions.", "pearson_r": 0.4394768305394454, "pred_f1": 0.631578947368421, "freq": 0.008870289080446698, "mean_pos": 2.8324806690216064, "top_texts": [ "I asked him three time what happened. And after the third time I cried and went home. Month later he still don't talk to me and he and my mother started fighting for the first time in the relationship. Me and my mother honestly don't know what to do, he just ignores me. I even told him that I don't date that guy(even though I date him) and he didn't even react to it.", "Mild cramps. Every time I had cramps in my first and second pregnancy I would immediately assume the worst.", "I’ve been employed now for 3 months. I thought everything was fine but I called in the past 3 days and am absolutely dreading going back." ] }, { "feature_id": 2176, "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding Cluster B personality disorders and their associated stigma or behavioral patterns.", "pearson_r": 0.4690204554101553, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.00600450337753315, "mean_pos": 4.156864166259766, "top_texts": [ "I think cluster bees usually share a great deal of overlap with each other and you are diagnosed based on your most obvious or dominant traits but it’s common to have several traits of different personality disorders as well. Once you are disordered you are disordered it’s unlikely you will fit into a nice diagnostic box. With that said I find cluster b people in general to be extremely toxic and I don’t are to spend my time around them. This goes for all cluster bs while a part of me is attracted towards people who are damaged and have problems or are weird I get the fuck out of there as soon as red flags start popping up.\n\nI spent years with a cluster b disordered woman and her whole family was low functioning extremely disordered and no fucking thanks I don’t need that shit in my life I have enough problems already. They just bring drama, petty fighting, bickering, stealing, drug abuse problems, wars with other assholes that they drag you into. In other words you will not be able to avoid their bullshit and will get sucked into their world no matter what you do. Cluster b are immature, untrustworthy, lacking empathy and don’t really care if they fuck you over, aRe riddled with all sorts of other problems including like I mentioned substance abuse. Maybe I’m an asshole and I don’t really care if I’m diagnosed or not I don’t see myself that way and I don’t want problematic people in my life and that’s all I see most cluster bs as. Problems\n\nTl;dr Cluster B people = 6 of one or half a dozen of the other. Same shit different tune", "You are literally invalidating the fact that people with Cluster B are, in fact, predatory due to their maladaptive behaviours and if you think you don't belong into that category anymore and think we are just all \"poor, misunderstood babies\" that need to be coddled because no one understands their pain, you're full of shit.\n\nYou aren't holding yourself accountable, otherwise you wouldn't flip shit about someone pointing a fact out about Cluster B disorders.\n\nStop embarrassing yourself.", "It’s funny, everyone in my family is heavy on the cluster b except my parents lol" ] }, { "feature_id": 9676, "label": "The feature represents the disillusionment and perceived inadequacy of professional mental health interventions.", "pearson_r": 0.47909863346290366, "pred_f1": 0.7, "freq": 0.00866559010166716, "mean_pos": 2.838463544845581, "top_texts": [ "oh okay, I gotcha. And yeah I am seeking medical help, but they can’t do anything", "I've been in therapy for a year and have just realised that it can't help.me.", "I am seeking help. There is only so much they can do. I guess some people are just doomed to be miserable no matter what. " ] }, { "feature_id": 5889, "label": "The feature represents anticipatory anxiety specifically related to air travel.", "pearson_r": 0.5797685007962788, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.006937020947528828, "mean_pos": 3.5294177532196045, "top_texts": [ "Advice for going on a flight for the first time in years? Hi all!\n\nI’m flying for the first time since I was 17, about 5 years ago, and I’m extremely nervous over the 10,000 different made up scenarios I’ve gone over in my head lol\n\nThis will also be my first time flying alone, or even being at an airport on my own.\n\nAnyone have any advice on how I can make sure I get to the right gate?\n\nIs my social anxiety going to make tsa suspicious of me?\n\nIs it weird to take a comfort object like a stuffed animal with me to grip onto for dear life?\n\nThank you to anyone that has a suggestion on how to keep my cool!", "Tomorrow I’ll be taking a plane all by myself. I’ve travelled by plane many times, most of the time with my family or school, so I never had to worry about what to do exactly. I know it’ll be easy (especially thanks to Schengen) and I know what to do, but this is quite stressful. \nI’ll be in a unknown place, trying not to do anything wrong while hoping no unexpected thing happen (if it does I will go on full panic mode). Anyway, wish me luck, I’ll keep you updated on my adventure !", "I had the back up clothes in case my body exploded. I got an aisle seat in the back. I had it covered. I have been traveling on planes ever since for the last twenty years. Fear defeated." ] }, { "feature_id": 2089, "label": "The feature represents the discussion of specific dosages and administration methods for medications or substances.", "pearson_r": 0.5167292600592092, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.00793777151045102, "mean_pos": 3.0779199600219727, "top_texts": [ "I do delta 9 15mg edibles and one of them is almost too much. and delta 8 thc carts, I take five hits that’s more than enough.", "Micro dosing weed helps w/ this problem. I had some very bad panic attacks after doing edibles which made me quit weed for a few years. Now I feel like I can enjoy weed again (I still won't touch edibles though, fuck that)", "Just curious: (1) what was your tincture dose, (2) was it full spectrum, and (3) how much flower do you smoke in a \"dose\"?" ] }, { "feature_id": 393, "label": "The feature represents an offer of interpersonal support and direct communication.", "pearson_r": 0.426854130690776, "pred_f1": 0.631578947368421, "freq": 0.007596606545818454, "mean_pos": 3.203639507293701, "top_texts": [ "Please feel free to reply to this or dm me if you are wanting to talk.", "Like I said I don't have a clear answer, but my DMs are open if you want to talk more.", "Please leave a comment below or DM me if you're interested in being interviewed! The discussion should be relatively short and will be limited to what you're comfortable discussing. I'm more than willing to accommodate your preferred interview method. I'm comfortable with email, Reddit, Skype, or any other platform. ​" ] }, { "feature_id": 5272, "label": "The feature represents the psychological defense mechanism of projection.", "pearson_r": 0.559314440548667, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.00741465189801442, "mean_pos": 3.27618670463562, "top_texts": [ "Actually, his mentioning of projection would point more towards a psychodynamic approach in my opinion.", "It’s probably projection to be honest, Project your own negative traits onto other people then hate them for it never even realizing you are actually hating those traits in yourself. Fucked up and sick how this shit works ain’t it this is how PDs operate and the reason for a lot of the unrealistic emotions and anger that we experience", "For example if you know that under duress you easily go into projection, you can learn how to turn that around and focus your energy on dealing with the root of the problem instead of deflecting it away." ] }, { "feature_id": 2267, "label": "The feature represents workplace-related stress and professional performance anxiety.", "pearson_r": 0.6478078541415087, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.007846794186549003, "mean_pos": 3.0899131298065186, "top_texts": [ "I’ve been in the same spot. I’ve had such horrible work experiences. First off , f that girl, she doesn’t pay your bills . I understand about to meeting with your boss and things not changing but honestly I would at least try to tell her 1 on 1 just to get her input. If she doesn’t care/ doesn’t do anything . Look for another job. But it seems she’s nice if she’s the one was hugging you through panic attacks. I’ve had cold bosses and gotten fired over a panic attack. I was in the serving industry, what industry do you work in?", "Does your boss see you this way too? I have recently been diagnosed with adhd and anxiety ( something ive lived with and put off for health $$ reasons ). \n\nMy boss thinks that my job performance is seperate from my diagnosis. My job deals with accuracy to some extent and there are a lot of things that 'trigger my anxiety then adhd mindset. \n\nMy co-workers critique my spelling, hand writting, organization, and don't leave a lot of room for my explanations. I begin to explain my process and why I've done things that I do, and I think maybe they see me making escuses? \n\nI am pretty easy going, but they put me on edge.\nIt doesn't help that my boss thinks the text book adhd and anxiety symptoms I've told her about are unrelated to performance. \n\nHow do I communicate this? So baffling to me someone wouldn't see that my clinical behaviors are not intentional. That my metrics mean more than my healing and growth now that I've been diagnosed.\nAnd again how do I talk to her when she thinks my performance is seperate from my diag.", "What do you wish your manager or boss could have done to help you if he/she discovers that you have ADD? Hey guys, I am recently diagnosed with ADD. \n\nMy manager just told me that I'm underperforming at work and I need to get better. To try to help him understand that I'm trying my best and I'm not slacking off, I told him about my condition.\n\nHe took it professionally and is now offering to help. He asked me to think of ways and strategies that he could help. It could be to offload certain responsibilities or tasks, or anything.\n\nHowever, my mind is running blank and I'm not sure what I could get him to help with. I'm not inclined to offload my current workload because I don't feel like it's already enough (I'm underperforming), and if I could get my focus down then those workload wouldn't be too heavy.\n\nAll sorts of advice are appreciated here!" ] }, { "feature_id": 8999, "label": "The feature captures the struggle with executive dysfunction and the difficulty of initiating daily routines.", "pearson_r": 0.7330794048660982, "pred_f1": 0.8571428571428571, "freq": 0.00814247048923056, "mean_pos": 2.9737915992736816, "top_texts": [ "The Color Monster\nThe Color Monster goes to school\nDr. Color Monster - Anna Llenas", "How do you make yourself get out of bed when you don’t have to be somewhere right away? When I worked a traditional 8-5 job, I got up (begrudgingly) right away to immediately get ready then go to work. Now I work in the afternoons 4-11pm, so the time to do things like chores, errands, even hobbies have to happen before work. \n\nI find myself hanging out in bed for hours and hours after waking up, scrolling on my phone, procrastinating on getting up. It’s really taken a toll on how I take care of myself. My brain just does not want me to get up unless it’s the last second before I HAVE to leave the house. And only leaving the house unless I have a dire need to. \n\nUnfortunately I’m not on an adhd med at the moment to keep on my nightstand to take upon waking, so it’s down to coping skills. \n\nIt’s essentially “START DOING THE THING” which is the hardest part of my adhd. I procrastinate on doing things I even truly enjoy! I just struggling with “starting” so so much. \n\nDoes anyone have any tips on how to actually get out of bed and starting my day?", "Van Gogh, Frida Kahlo, Matisse, Monet, Michelangelo, Da Vinci likely, Goya," ] }, { "feature_id": 4463, "label": "The feature captures temporal awareness and the psychological impact of calendar-based cycles or specific months.", "pearson_r": 0.6118808329035517, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.00741465189801442, "mean_pos": 3.241563558578491, "top_texts": [ "Slowing down happens to everyone. Feb/March have been terrible months for me. I'm only ahead because I read a lot in January.", "Aqua moon married to a scorpio moon. I’m crazier. I just hide it", "February being a short month? I always forget if February effects the date you get your prescription since theirs only 28 days ?" ] }, { "feature_id": 5089, "label": "The theme is the practical implementation and enforcement of interpersonal boundaries to protect one's well-being.", "pearson_r": 0.4060724321798152, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.0083471694680101, "mean_pos": 2.862522840499878, "top_texts": [ "I need to start setting some healthy boundaries and cut these people out of my life. I just do not know where to start because they are family but I have three girls that are growing. I cannot have them involved with these monsters. My children will know a different world. Do I tell my father or just fade slowly into the abyss and never look back?", "My family is like this too, the boundaries need to be followed up with a consequence. Show up at my house uninvited? I'm leaving to go somewhere else. Stay at my home when I've specifically asked you to leave? I'm going to demand that you leave. Your mental health is important, you cannot be putting up with this much stress. Be firm until they get the idea. They don't expect you to hold your boundaries firmly and it doesn't sound like they take you seriously. Time to show them that your needs matter and that they need to get a grip. Worked really well with my family and once the boundaries were in place I was able to rebuild the relationships over time with a completely different dynamic.", "Setting boundaries without them being on board and without them getting anything in return might be harmful, so for each boundary you set, ask yourself why it was crossed in the first place and if you two together can find a good alternative that will give them the same feeling and validation that caused the overstep. Communication is key :)" ] }, { "feature_id": 5671, "label": "The feature represents the physiological and meditative focus on the act of breathing.", "pearson_r": 0.37159482063523114, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.007846794186549003, "mean_pos": 3.0129940509796143, "top_texts": [ "I don't know. Pretty sure. But my nose is stuffy from this stupid cold so it'd make sense that I'm having a hard time breathing from it. But I'm also having a hard time breathing through my mouth. I can't find my vapor rub anywhere, which is annoying the crap out of me because I feel like it'd help a little (the mintiness from brushing my teeth helped a tiny bit).", "Yes that! Plus I always pass out so I have stopped trying. I not sure if I just forget to breathe or if it's the combination of humidity and blood being sent to the ol' Sea monster south of the border. Either way I'm idiot for having passed out several times that way...", "I focus on counting my breaths and touch something with a lot of texture." ] }, { "feature_id": 5282, "label": "The feature represents body dysmorphia and self-consciousness regarding physical appearance in photographs.", "pearson_r": 0.6276923541192586, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.007346418905087907, "mean_pos": 3.1687238216400146, "top_texts": [ "Squad up.” His eyes lit up. “DIS MAN CRAZY AS A FUCK! I LOVE YOU BRO.” Then we took that picture.", "Well that was relatable, especially the awkward squirming, and the drawn out end. \n\nI could never upload a video of myself, pictures are difficult enough as it is. There were 15 years between the two last pictures of myself, that I shared with people.. \n\n\n\n\n", "is also very likely that other people are more used to take photograph, have found their good expression and keep using it for every photo; i had a friend who we called \"one face\" coz she always looked the same in every picture. While for us, taking photo is always a trauma so we dont really train that part of ourselves." ] }, { "feature_id": 6418, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of extreme, overwhelming distress or the superlative \"worst\" state of being.", "pearson_r": 0.5504170749632248, "pred_f1": 0.6956521739130435, "freq": 0.007892282848500012, "mean_pos": 2.92240309715271, "top_texts": [ "Nope. I am the worst sleep procrastinator. I avoid sleep so much, it’s not even funny.", "Worst Being depressed is the worst. It's like a ton of bricks that slam down on your head and you can't go anywhere. No one sees you, no one hears you, no one listens, no one thinks what you say or do matters. It's the worse. I just want it to get better.", "Until you get night terrors. Trying to wake up from them is some inception level shit." ] }, { "feature_id": 6865, "label": "The feature captures feelings of social isolation, loneliness, and emotional distress specifically triggered by Valentine's Day.", "pearson_r": 0.44950721645275626, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.0066413446448472715, "mean_pos": 3.4636037349700928, "top_texts": [ "Valentine's day............more like Hallmark diabetic themed holiday What's the point of Valentine's day? to become sad & suicidal ✅ eat sweets and chocolate until you become diabetic ✅ feeling left out & jealous of other couples making out in front of you ✅ because you are a ethnic minority in a white man's world/country ✅ ", "Being alone on Valentine's Day. So yeah, it's Valentine's Day. And I'm alone. And it's my birthday. A 3-for-one deal that makes me want to dissapear. I'm just going to stare into a wall for the rest of the day, hope y'all have a nice Valentine's Day.", "Hey guys, its Valentine's day this week don't forget to feel cripplingly alone. Probably the worst day of the year to be alone. " ] }, { "feature_id": 6619, "label": "The feature captures the \"Does Anyone Else\" (DAE) phenomenon, specifically reflecting a search for validation or shared experience regarding personal identity, social rejection, and internal psychological states.", "pearson_r": 0.8496200942984823, "pred_f1": 0.8333333333333334, "freq": 0.00579980439875361, "mean_pos": 3.914496660232544, "top_texts": [ "DAE beat themselves up when people say no to seeing you Like when I ask someone to hang out or make plans and they say no it crushes me. It makes me feel so unimportant and pathetic. But why would anyone wanna be around me. I know that kind of thought process is unproductive, it just sucks, other people can go on with their day after someone saying no to seeing them but I (and guessing others who are reading this) just get so low and self deprecating. ", "DAE feel like they don't know who they are? I feel like I'm nobody. I've no idea who I am. I have no defined sense of style or personality, and I'm so focused on being interesting and pretty and funny to other people. If there's something I know is funny to other people, I make jokes about that. If there's someone I know that my friend or S/O likes, I'll try to be like that person so I don't have to face rejection. I feel like after facing the trauma that I did, I've been so sheltered that I haven't experienced anything. I walk around like a zombie and I'm so tired of trying to be something to people, that I just want to be quiet. DAE feel like this?", "DAE not care about New Year's? I mean, I'm not hating on people who celebrate it, it's just not my thing personally. To me it's just a new year. There will be plenty of them in the future. A lot of people will dislike 2018 in the same way they've disliked almost every year before it. " ] }, { "feature_id": 8582, "label": "The feature identifies advice and encouragement regarding the temporary nature of acute emotional distress during transitional periods.", "pearson_r": 0.46787598545589665, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.0077558168626469855, "mean_pos": 2.918853282928467, "top_texts": [ "They really don’t do much the first few days. It’s not the struggle you picture!!", "It’s likely too that you just need time to adjust to the new environment if there isn’t anything in particular that’s hindering you from feeling secure.", "Just save yourself the stress the next couple days. It'll be a shitty adjustment no matter what! You got this." ] }, { "feature_id": 9772, "label": "The theme is the evaluation and management of psychiatric medication dosages.", "pearson_r": 0.6027403090467841, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.007073486933381855, "mean_pos": 3.1969592571258545, "top_texts": [ "Asking for medication increase. Should I, and how? I've been on Dexamphetamine (15mg in total daily) for about half a year now. It's my first ADHD medication and it's been working amazingly. I've got a sleep schedule, I'm less anxious, I can remember things, it's great. \n\nI'm still very happy with the effect but I can't help but feel like a higher dose would work better. I'm spacey between doses and the period between the third dose and sleep leaves me basically useless.\n\nWith past medications like anti-depressants, my shrink has encouraged me to experiment with my dose to find out what works best, but *obviously* with an addictive substance they don't want you to do that.\n\nI have this terrible fear of seeming like a drug addict or being judged for wanting to take more. I wouldn't even know how to word the request. Could someone tell me how they've broached it, if they have? Is my dose high as it is?", "Dose too high or too low? Hey everybody. I recently started sertraline. It's been bout 7-8 weeks. During week 5 I felt like a new person. I felt great. I wasn't cranky or irritable, I made my gf happy, I wasn't snippy, and I felt motivated and positive for the first time in 10 years. \n\nHowever, that lasted a week. Now I feel the same as before the meds, maybe even more irritable. \n\nDoes this mean my body adjusted to the meds and I need a higher dose? Or does it mean I have passed my optimal dose by building it up past that point? I take 50mg, thinking of starting 75 to see what happens, but I get the side effects every time I up the dose so I would like some input. Thanks!", "My parents won't let me increase my zoloft dose I'm 16, and I recently started taking zoloft after a brief stay in a psych hospital. My parents are from a country that doesn't discuss mental health, so it took multiple psychiatrists, therapists, and school guidance counselors to convince them that I was mentally ill. I was doing fine for a while on my current dosage along with therapy, but for the past couple months I've been spiraling downwards. I can barely get through the day, and my grades are suffering as a result. My therapist told me I should talk to my parents and psychiatrist about increasing my dose, but my parents are unwilling to budge. What should I do? I don't think I can go on like this." ] }, { "feature_id": 8525, "label": "The feature represents the development of physiological tolerance to stimulant medications or substances.", "pearson_r": 0.4377243447772178, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.006732321968749289, "mean_pos": 3.338632106781006, "top_texts": [ "I currently only take it when I have to work. I believe I have already built up a bit of a tolerance because I don't feel it makes much difference either way.", "Adderall used to be the most amazing thing when I took it, eventually it didn't matter if I took it or not because my body had built up such a tolerance to it :-(", "I feel you. That used to be me but with coke. Meth, for some strange reason, doesn't work on me anymore, so I don't bother with it at all. Same goes for Molly. Due to a decade of abuse, tolerance has made it clear that I'll be forever prevented from having fun like I used to. At least with psychedelics it's hard to build a tolerance, right? ..Right?" ] }, { "feature_id": 8424, "label": "The feature represents the perception of sensory stimuli, colors, and external environmental triggers affecting mental states.", "pearson_r": 0.38741903396887784, "pred_f1": 0.5333333333333333, "freq": 0.007687583869720472, "mean_pos": 2.893075704574585, "top_texts": [ "But I'm pretty sure it's adeepindigo Health Care redux because I also get this moodlet and that's the only health mod I have.", "I’m not even saying that this applies to everyone either. I’m just saying that a lot of an intense color in a room makes me more anxious", "What are these mothers’s inspiration? Do they wake up in the morning & think “my family & I aren’t depressed enough yet. I know, let’s take all the most depressing colors I can think of & make a rainbow for my kids. This way they’ll look back on their childhoods & reminisce about what could have been”" ] }, { "feature_id": 9711, "label": "The feature represents the lived experience and internal conflicts associated with transgender identity and gender dysphoria.", "pearson_r": 0.637667043951948, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.006664088975822776, "mean_pos": 3.334839344024658, "top_texts": [ "/uj I'm a trans person and I've had to play cis for basically my entire life. Why aren't they casting me", "It's moving more towards \"you're not real trans if you don't try to pass\". It's high on the list of things that makes me angry about trans-trans gatekeeping for a plethora of reasons. ", "there's tons of information on r/ask_transgender and other trans subreddits, i haven't had the most typical experience, and i dont think my experience is a good first impression of trans experiences. \n\nthat said, i want to share. the system is frustrating, im currently blocked from hormones because my doctors want me to work through the anxiety/avoidance/depression/paranoia/etc before going on hormones. IMO, the hormones will help with that. the problem is, i was on hormones and i didnt have a support system, i didnt socially transition at all while on hormones, so not much changed. i was too depressed to really feel the effects of hormones. i enjoyed the physical changes. softer skin, breast development, different body odor, slower facial hair growth. i think my food taste and sense of smell changed but i was really too depressed at the time to tell. i think my sexual orientation was starting to change, or maybe it was repressed and starting to become more comfortable to express with the comfortable hormone levels, but i still am constantly fighting myself, and i have a lot of ingrained psychological punishment to prevent myself from being girly or even *thinking* thoughts that feel feminine that i have to work through. so much self shame, toxic masculinity is a thing. there's no reason to shame men for having emotions. emotions doesnt equal being a pussy faggot whatever other insults are used for emotion. emotion isnt submissiveness. anyways, my reactionary self still hasn't got the memo. as well, i didnt start early enough to prevent my voice from dropping, and my bone structure masculinized before hormones could feminize it. and now that im blocked from hormones, more facial hair i never had is developing, which fucking blows. the loss of muscle wasn't really an issue, since i was never that muscular to begin with, but it was noticeable, especially since i was on an antiandrogen which made my testosterone lower even than cis womens. couldn't exercise with the same time+intensity as before. " ] }, { "feature_id": 7445, "label": "The feature represents the logistical management and scheduling of psychiatric medication.", "pearson_r": 0.5852815357555566, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.007551117883867446, "mean_pos": 2.9368205070495605, "top_texts": [ "Når først du har brug for det, for at fungere, så er du på et skråplan.", "Meds before or after shower? Heya, rando question but do y'all take your meds before or after a morning shower? Are there any positive effects of taking them before or after?\n\nI don't normally shower in the morning, only on weekends but I'm finding that I'm forgetting to take meds on the weekend and sleeping 14+ hours. \n\nLast part was irrelevant but just trying to figure out the best way to stay motivated and get the most out of my meds etc.\n\nF, 22, dx last year, 20mg dex.", "I would look into how, if I'm not mistaken, it needs to be taken the same way each time for example if taken with food it needs to consistently be taken with food, on an empty stomach, then it needs to be taken that way. I strongly feel I came across something regarding efficiency when taken the same way daily and that it's not as effective if you switch up taking on an empty vs with food." ] }, { "feature_id": 6115, "label": "The feature represents requests for financial assistance and crowdfunding support for personal or medical needs.", "pearson_r": 0.5932711598509636, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.006368412673141219, "mean_pos": 3.4560062885284424, "top_texts": [ "If you would like to donate, please go to: My fundraising goal is high and I am struggling to reach it, so donations would be very much appreciated. You can also see what I have done so far to collect money if you click the link. Any donations are welcome, no matter how big or small. It would also be greatly appreciated if you could share this.", "Her GoFundMe is at: ​ Any shares you could do would mean the WORLD to her, and to me. Donations are good too, but shares are sooooo valuable! Thank you for any support, I really do appreciate it.", "I've hit a roadblock and I need your help. I created a Gofundme campaign just to try and get my foot in the door. You can check it out at and please, if you're not able to donate, please share it with anyone you know who might, or any groups you might be a member of who might help. I'm 30 years old now and have nothing to show for it, and I'd like to change that. Thank you all and good karma for everyone." ] }, { "feature_id": 8604, "label": "The feature represents anxiety or confusion regarding medical test results and diagnostic uncertainty.", "pearson_r": 0.4449452133137944, "pred_f1": 0.5882352941176471, "freq": 0.00689153228557782, "mean_pos": 3.192389726638794, "top_texts": [ "False negative- Any advice welcome. I’m on vyvanse for adhd and have been for 4 years. Last week my doctor called and said that since I didn’t have it in my system twice now, that they can no longer prescribe the vyvanse. 1. I take it every day (almost, had surgery and stopped during the recovery) \n\n2. I never knew that I didn’t “pass” the drug test last time. \n \n3. I took it that day! I took it at 6:45 am, tested around 3:30 pm. It didn’t show up in my sample. Why? How?? \n\nI drink 3-4 cups of coffee a day, I eat moderately healthy, I’m overweight, 190 and I’m 5’3. I also walk for work an average 15-18k steps a day. I average 3-4K steps a day on my days off. \n\nI called my dr back and asked for another test, they said they “added something on “ to the test order, and would get back to me. \n\nAnyone have this happen? Are there any scholarly articles I can share with my dr? It’s humiliating enough to have to go get a drug test to get my meds, now I’m failing it by peeing clean, and look like I’m abusing the system. I’m not, never have. \n", "I can't find any cases of where escitalopram gave false positive for methamphetamine. But there are many different ways of drug testing and some of them are not accurate at all. GC/MS analysis is the most accurate test method of them all and has near zero chance of giving false positive. Without knowing what method they used I can't speculate further. \n \nIt seems unlikely your food was laced with methamphetamine. I know world is crazy place and anything can happen. But methamphetamine tastes extremely bitter. You would have probably tasted it in the food.", "It sounds like you don’t have herpes. You tested negative. Acne around the mouth is common. It sounds like you’re still stressed because you did something you’ve never done before and are anxious about potential consequences you’ve never had to face before. For instance a lot of girls really worry about being pregnant the first time they have sex, even after using protection / testing negative. Be gentle on yourself, you’re okay" ] }, { "feature_id": 6031, "label": "The feature identifies the presence of immediate, physical threats or the active contemplation of using weapons for self-harm or violence.", "pearson_r": 0.45295915176654233, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.007232697250210385, "mean_pos": 2.9939565658569336, "top_texts": [ "Is the knife at our throats the entire time, or just at the beginning then when we're walking n stuff it's used as a \"if you run I'll stab you\" type thing?", "I tried using a knife as a kid to do it, didn't work well😭", "I was staring at our knife rack I was staring at our knife rack, but I stopped myself from getting one and hurting myself.\n\nYeah, guess I still have a fight in me to stop that. But I don't know when I could still hold on." ] }, { "feature_id": 8933, "label": "The feature represents body dysmorphia and the psychological preoccupation with cosmetic surgery.", "pearson_r": 0.3661444078645464, "pred_f1": 0.5333333333333333, "freq": 0.006800554961675803, "mean_pos": 3.1780993938446045, "top_texts": [ "I would suggest rhinoplasty. It's probably not cheap if you're in North America or Europe, but there are many countries in which the procedure is a lot cheaper. I feel the same in many ways, even though my nose isn't like Gerard Depardieu's, and to be honest, it suits him. I don't think it has anything to do with looks, and I think the root cause is mental health issues rather than anything else.\n\nThe thing is, I had a rhinoplasty done. My nose wasn't too bad, and it's not super different now, but it didn't solve anything for me. It looks nicer I guess, but I'm still the same, and I still hate myself. Sometimes I miss my old nose, but the new ones not bad either. I realized after the nose job, that it didn't solve anything for me. I'm a bit less self-conscious about my side profile, but nothing has changed.\n\nNobody really made fun of my nose except my siblings, but then they put me down for everything, so it wasn't anything new. Otherwise, not a single person ever made fun of my nose, ever. I loved my old nose, but I was taught to hate it thanks to siblings. That kind of got me to make changes, but I realized it didn't fix the problem for me. It may make a major difference for you, but I don't know. It all depends on the person.", "I have traveled a bit and it's one of my favorite things to do. As far as logistics go planning in advance is the best way to go. The more things are set up the easier it is. First of all, you need to find the doctor, see if he is reliable, consider risks such as botched surgeries, recovery time, risk of infections, etc, secure the date for the procedure and payment, etc. Once that is taken care of you have to make certain you have your passport, look into visas, COVID travel restrictions, etc. Then you have to purchase the plane ticket, hotel, figure out how long you have to stay, etc. Plan for travel routes, how are you getting there and back. Bus? Taxi? Plan it out. As far as the actual interaction with people I find that I can do anything as long as I have a phone. I can figure out where I'm at, where I want to go, its easy generally to shop and order food. You can use google translate in a pinch. Knowing me, checking on making sure you have cell phone service is vital. \n\nOne final consideration is that let's say the surgery is brilliant and you never have to worry about your nose again, it might do very little in the overall scope of things. It could be just like losing weight. If you went from 225 to 125 the world could treat you differently but inside not much might change. You will still have the same thought patterns and issues. It might help but it will not solve everything. I hope this helps!", "I feel the same about myself, and there's a strong sense of self-hatred. To be honest, I think these feelings are a result of the disorder, and I don't think it represents us as we truly are. It's not to say we don't have flaws, but I'm sure they are exaggerated to us. I'm not against surgery if it makes someone happy. I got rhinoplasty myself, no kidding. My nose wasn't particularly bad, but I guess my siblings making fun of it got to me, even though their noses aren't much different. So I had a procedure done abroad because it is cheaper. It didn't change anything for me though, although I'm a bit less insecure about certain angles, that's about it. Most people didn't even notice the difference, but I guess it depends on an individual case. I wouldn't do it again because I realized it's a problem with my self-esteem rather than anything on the outside. \n\nStill, I'm not against it. Sometimes these things can help, and even a small difference can be a good thing." ] }, { "feature_id": 3230, "label": "The feature represents distress, preoccupation, or compulsive behaviors specifically related to hair loss, hair pulling, or hair appearance.", "pearson_r": 0.3940206269320997, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.0060727363704596625, "mean_pos": 3.52093243598938, "top_texts": [ "Unhealthy obsession with hair Since November, I have been unhealthily obsessed with my hair. It started one day when I noticed my hair part went down a bit further on the back of my head. Those close to me told me my hair has always parted that way, but convinced myself that I was losing my hair.\n \nSince that day four months ago, I constantly count how many hairs come out of my head. I used to stare in the mirror for an hour a day and just examine my head, but more recently I can't even stand to look in the mirror. Even though I shower, I hate doing it knowing I will see strands come out in the shower. I think I am losing my hair. My boyfriend and family have all said that my hair is fine and I look the same. A hairdresser even examined my hair for hair loss or bald spots and told me she saw none. I am constantly looking at other girls' hair and comparing my hair to theirs. It's all I think about everyday. Even sleep I can't escape, most of my dreams involve clumps of hair coming out and I wake up completely drenched in sweat. Usually I count about 20 or 30 strands in a day. Nothing comes out in clumps, just a strand here or there. \n\nThere are days where I think that all of this is in my head. That I am just anxious about my own life. I have moved three times in the last year, and I find it extremely difficult to be motivated. My boyfriend and I live in NYC now where he is a lawyer, I work in a retail store. I feel like such a loser all the time. I am in school but it will be a bit till I finish. There are days I feel like I won't ever finish. I've quit school before because I just felt I couldn't do it. I've suffered from depression before and was on Zoloft, Ativan, and Ritalin for it. I cut it all off cold turkey a couple of years ago. But then I have bad days where I can't even do anything. I am literally frozen on my couch or in bed, just afraid to face my hair.\n\nMy close circle of friends/boyfriend/mom-in-law have all said I need to get help. I have been to therapists before, they usually help through my depression, but this obsessive behavior towards my hair is new. They all say I need to be on a medication just until I can get over this hump of my hair obsession because it's completely taken over my life. But then I read that anti-depressants/anxiety medications can cause hair loss. That is the last thing I need right now. \n\nI feel hopeless and lost and I feel a bit insane. I don't know what to do.", "Pulling out strands of my hair? I have no idea where to post this but like I pull out strands of my hair because I like to look at and admire the curl pattern and I like how my hair feels so Im always touching it. This cant be trichotillomania because I dont do it to any other parts of my body.", "Is trichotillamania a common thing with adhd I have problems in school with pulling my hair. I have bald spots and I hate it. Is it a common thing" ] }, { "feature_id": 7772, "label": "Seasonal affective distress and negative psychological associations with summer.", "pearson_r": 0.5288737991521378, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.006413901335092228, "mean_pos": 3.3036742210388184, "top_texts": [ "Relatable, though I only really like Fall. The other seasons are rather awful :) \n\nThink I would enjoy Summer more if I were happier with my body perhaps? I feel rather disgusting during summer, from increased sweating. I feel I sweat enough when i'm anxious and nervous as it is.\n\nI also think more people expect you to be happy during summer, and it becomes more obvious that i'm not - and that leads to a kind of attention that I really don't want.\n\n", "It’s worse in the summer for me I don’t know what it is but I always feel worse during the late spring and all summer. I’ve always disliked summer and I don’t know why. Winter and autumn feels good, dark and chilly feels good and I don’t even mean in the Halloween kinda way. Spring and summer feels like everything comes alive and it reminds me that I’m not. In the darker months I can hide away behind doors and layers of clothing but in the summer it’s like I can’t anymore and spring is just a slow and steady buildup towards that. It probably traces back to my earlier years of living at home but even though I’m years away from that I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m not supposed to exist during the summer. I’m not supposed to be alive", "Yessss! Same, summer is not good for me mentally. I actually prefer that weird grey slushy time that no one seems to like. After holidays, but before full blown spring ya know. No expectations, not super cold, can wear a hoodie and sweatpants, yeah………" ] }, { "feature_id": 1688, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of body image dissatisfaction, dysmorphia, and disordered eating patterns.", "pearson_r": 0.5040527470974173, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.00689153228557782, "mean_pos": 3.071340799331665, "top_texts": [ "It really helped me recover when I began to think of my body as that of an athlete and not that of a model. For years, I had been compulsively exercising and restricting so I could become thinner and better as a competitive dancer but my performance ironically ended up suffering because I was too weak to do the more physically-taxing and athletic moves.", "Doesn’t make it healthy. Special occasions every once in a while are one thing, but as for bodybuilders and fitness competitions, they have some of the highest rates of disordered eating and body image issues. I caution you against normalizing binge-restrict cycles, as they absolutely suck and are hard to break.", "Se presupponi che il tuo corpo sia sbagliato, e quindi hai bisogno di cambiarlo tramite la chirurgia, stai rinforzando il disturbo. Purtroppo per la disforia facciamo esattamente questo." ] }, { "feature_id": 5779, "label": "This feature represents an intense, parasocial, or cathartic emotional fixation on dark media, true crime, or fictional narratives as a mechanism for processing personal trauma.", "pearson_r": 0.39743879941868804, "pred_f1": 0.5333333333333333, "freq": 0.006550367320945254, "mean_pos": 3.213249683380127, "top_texts": [ "Specific titles, in no particular order:\n\n* Safe (1995). This movie resonated with me on such a profound quasi-allegorical level I can't even describe as someone with personality disorders, even though nothing in the film is at all directly about that. It's uncannily...accurate?...when viewed through that lens.\n\n* Blue (2001) (Directed by Hiroshi Ando) A subtle masterpiece IMO that is calming and resonant to me for some reason during periods of emotional crisis. One of the better 'tragic adolescent lesbian' films.\n\n* FairyTale: A True Story (1997) Based on the [Cottingley Fairies hoax](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cottingley_Fairies). The coziest movie I've ever seen, and I love it so much because I feel as if the message/'moral' perfectly summarizes how I feel about metaphysics, religion, the inner child, and the kinds of imaginative \"fantasies\" we schizotypals are supposedly especially prone to.\n\n* Olivia (1951) The *best* 'tragic adolescent lesbian' film, in my view. It's hyper-compatible with my sensibilities, tastes, and actual orientation, being a lesbian-themed film with characters who are all exclusively feminine women in a traditional setting for exclusively feminine women, in a way that no other media I've found thus far is.\n\n* Swoon (1992) It's about the aspect I'm most interested in of a true crime case I've long been highly interested in (Leopold & Loeb), but even that aside the way the narrative is presented resonates with me for reasons that very well could be rooted in my pathology. It's riddled with intentional anachronisms and sort of transcends any particular time/era and place (despite being about a case almost always strongly contextualized by decade/era and city, 1920s Chicago), highly subjective and self-consciously yet somehow sincerely distorted, focused exclusively on the relationship between the protagonists and their psyches rather than the 'plot details' or any moral dimensions to the case, feels almost subliminal with recurring dreamlike imagery sequences, disorganized, etc.", "Leonard Lake and Charles Ng are not well known to the average person, but once you start getting deeper into serial killers they start popping up. Unbelievable horror. I just go numb thinking about what those women went through being tortured to death after watching their babies murdered. Once you start reading enough of this though, you become desensitized and keep consuming more. Fun fact: Leonard Lake, Robert Berdella and others (can’t think of anymore off the top of my head) were inspired by John Fowler’s 1963 psychological thriller The Collector. 10/10 would recommend for people who enjoy researching this stuff.", "I miss TCM so much. Those old movies actually helped me cope with my cptsd" ] }, { "feature_id": 10069, "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and the authenticity of its representation.", "pearson_r": 0.6934155122250817, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.0061637136943616805, "mean_pos": 3.405538558959961, "top_texts": [ "My fiancé also has DID, and our alters become friends/lovers naturally. It’s really sweet to see people who never thought someone would love them become loved by so many.", "(I’ve also watched many people with DID, are you sure you’re watching the correct ones. Shame, but you don’t need to answer)", "Absolutely, if you think you have mild DID you either just dissociate a lot or you actually have DID." ] }, { "feature_id": 5868, "label": "The feature captures themes of magical thinking, delusions of reference, and perceived cosmic or supernatural significance.", "pearson_r": 0.5868875193613299, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.00705074260240635, "mean_pos": 2.9749317169189453, "top_texts": [ "Yes, but my ideas are much more lowkey. I had a few stressful events coming up in April right before everyone went to stay-at-home mode. I feel like the universe felt my internal struggle and altered reality a bit for me. Like my energy radiated outward and created some type of butterfly effect, manifesting my subtle thoughts and wishes.", "Mine is believing that the \"universe\" is made up of 3 shadow men who work in a room filled with screens and a dashboard with buttons. They have it out for specifically me because I’m aware of their existence and always have been. I can’t say anything without them attempting to destroy me. I can’t acknowledge or ignore them because if I acknowledge them, they’ll say \"you admitted we’re real. How dare you speak to us? We’re gonna ruin your life\" and if I ignore them they’ll go \"you think we’re not real? We’re gonna prove we’re real. How dare you ignore us\".", "I'm sure there are actual conspiracies, but I've never been drawn to them. I more feel like sometimes everything is a conspiracy and designed to communicate or influence me, like the Truman Show but lowkey carried by the gods." ] }, { "feature_id": 5165, "label": "This feature detects disclosures and inquiries regarding experiences of sexual assault and trauma.", "pearson_r": 0.6504681270085039, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.006709577637773785, "mean_pos": 3.1253654956817627, "top_texts": [ "A frequently think about whether of not I was sexually assaulted I've often thing back on it and wonder if this was appropriate. Early last year I went on a date with this girl, things went pretty well. We get back to my place smoke some weed (it was my first time ever doing so) and we hangout. I don't remember why exactly but I mentioned I had alcohol and she encouraged me to have a drink (I think because I was nervous or something) and she didn't partake herself. So i'm a little high and drunk and we start making out things go to the bed room. She tells me she's horny or something along those lines and I expect us to just mess around you know. Well at some point she tells me to close my eyes and I do but to my surprise after a moment to my surprise I realize we aren't just messing around we are having unprotected sex. I'm drunk and it's already started so I keep it up for a few minutes before my erection fails from the alcohol. Then we dated for a bit after that.\n\nI often find myself wondering whether or not I was sexually assaulted. I feel like I would not have agreed to unprotected sex had I been sober especially considering it was our first date but I did enjoy it at the time. We even joked later on in our relationship about how it was sexual assault but like I don't know. I don't know how I should feel about it, should I consider what happened to me sexual assault or does it even matter because it's long past ", "How to deal with the pain of something that should have never happened? I was sexually assaulted by my therapist. It's been a year. It's not the first one sexual assault I've experienced but for whatever reason, this one brought the trauma of other ones so now I react to everything related to them too. \n\nI guess I just need some advice at how this can get easier. I am starting EMDR therapy on Monday so I've got that going for me. ", "How to deal with the pain of something that should have never happened? I was sexually assaulted by my therapist. It's been a year. It's not the first one sexual assault I've experienced but for whatever reason, this one brought the trauma of other ones so now I react to everything related to them too. \n\nI guess I just need some advice at how this can get easier. I am starting EMDR therapy on Monday so I've got that going for me. " ] }, { "feature_id": 1825, "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding the side effects and personal experiences of taking the medication Strattera.", "pearson_r": 0.47784346019607776, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.006277435349239202, "mean_pos": 3.3223156929016113, "top_texts": [ "Overwhelmed I have been on Straterra for years and my major side effect is exhaustion. Anybody else have this issue?", "Straterra weight loss Hi. I have just started taking straterra 18mg today. I am experiencing loss of appetite. I know that it takes some time for the side effects to fade away. I will get a higher dose after a week. Is the appetite loss going to persist or is it going to go away?", "Holy shit Strattera is rough boys.... I'm on day 3 and the nausea is almost unbearable. Add onto that headaches, lethargy, backaches, moodiness, and general fuzzy-headedness.\n\nIt gets better, right?" ] }, { "feature_id": 7083, "label": "The feature represents the clinical decision-making process regarding the choice between stimulant and non-stimulant ADHD medications.", "pearson_r": 0.656874799674171, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.006186458025337184, "mean_pos": 3.3436756134033203, "top_texts": [ "Scared to switch from Non stimulant medication to Stimulant, need advice. Hello! so Ive been trying to find an ADHD medication thats right for me for the past 6 months and currently im on 200mg of Budeprion Extended Release but its not doing much for me. Ive been trying to go through the non stimulant medications before I make the decision to switch to the stimulant based ones like Adderall. Im afraid to switch to ones like Adderall because of the side effects like weight loss and so on.\nTo people who are on Adderall or other Stimulant based ADHD medications, do they work better for you than non stimulant based ones and how bad are the side effects for you? \nAny response will be helpful. \nThanks!", "Adhd question How do i tell my doctor that i do not want to take non stimulant medication? And witch to stimulant meds. I so not like the changes with nonstulants ", "Stimulants vs. non-stimulants I have a psychiatry appointment in a week. My therapist and I have spoken about me possibly going back to medication, over the last year I have been in a very intense period of ADHD and anxiety entanglement. I stopped taking medication (pretty sure it was concerta at the time) in high school (I’m a senior in college) and have been apprehensive since because of the side effects (mostly being zombiesh, anxiety, and at the time I was self-conscious about sexual side effects). \n\nI’m really curious as to how non-stimulants are different, specifically strattera I suppose, because I read online and it seems that a lot of the side effects are the same?" ] }, { "feature_id": 6117, "label": "The feature captures discourse regarding socioeconomic privilege, systemic inequality, and the intersection of class background with life outcomes.", "pearson_r": 0.36262312884075965, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.006504878658994246, "mean_pos": 3.1615488529205322, "top_texts": [ "Privilege is when doing the same as your parents and grandparents did is something you consider \"carrying on a tradition\" rather than just being trapped in subsistence living and societal oppression. My family's \"tradition\" was day labouring on one side and small-time drug dealing and theft on the other side, with both sides traditionally drinking themselves into early graves.", "* Were you born into generational wealth and are looking for ways to ensure that you never have to work a day in your life? \n* Do you think that you're superior to other humans simply because of the lack of pigmentation in your skin? \n* Do you want to make 'lesser' people than you suffer so that you may enjoy your position over them? ", "I will do my part in applying for scholarships, saving money, working, and finding other avenues to obtain the necessary funds. My Personal Story: I was born in Oaxaca, Mexico and immigrated to the United States when I was a mere 4 months old. My parents left everything behind in Mexico due to the large prevalence of poverty and political corruption present in my home nation. My family would settle down in a town within the Coachella Valley named Chiriaco Summit." ] }, { "feature_id": 9585, "label": "The feature captures content related to extreme, fringe, or non-clinical external stressors, including historical/violent trivia, supernatural themes, and substance-related technical details.", "pearson_r": 0.44987377761663133, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.006664088975822776, "mean_pos": 3.079470157623291, "top_texts": [ "Could it be interstitial cystitis? I'm sorry for bothering all of you all, its just I'm helpless and hopeless.", "6 ampules. 1ml each \nPervitin \nMethamphetamine HCL \n1ccm/0,015g = 1ml/15mg \nIntramuscular, subcutaneous or slow intravenous injection. \n \nSo 15mg per dose. \n \nI have never before seen pervitin in this form. I am purely guessing here but maybe this was for Luftwaffe pilots? To be administrated on base before flight? Or maybe just party drug for nazi officers.", "I would not recommend seeking an exorcism. As I understand it, an exorcism can make you feel better for a short while through a form of catharsis, but since it doesn't actually address the true underlying problem, you might eventually need another exorcism later and another again until whatever causes the \"demon infestations\" is properly addressed. If it helps, you can view the demons as a symptom rather than the cause. As long as the door is still open to allow the demons in, getting rid of them is only a temporary fix. Does that make sense? Unfortunately, you'll have to figure out for yourself how to close that door. There are many ways to do it, but you have to find the one that works for you. A therapist can help you along the way for as long as it makes sense to you. But you're the only one who can truly fix your problem." ] }, { "feature_id": 1359, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of executive dysfunction and immediate, practical resource scarcity.", "pearson_r": 0.4196273144905306, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.007164464257283872, "mean_pos": 2.8406450748443604, "top_texts": [ "Struggling to function today...need some suggestions Mother with a family. Need ideas of what to make for dinner on the days where you honestly just feel so down you can't. Been having a really hard time lately. \n\nDon't have the cash to eat out so please don't suggest that. Just looking for some ideas for really easy (relatively healthy) idea for a night when I honestly don't even feel like I can get up and do anything. ", "what easy meals do you make for yourself? currently struggling because i feel like i can’t even make a grilled cheese or eggs and i don’t know how to get myself to eat. do you have any easy, go-to meals or snacks (my main issue is the clean up rather than assembly, i get overwhelmed by seeing dirty pots/pans) for when you’re too tired and depressed to cook real food? thanks", "You all saved me. Really. I got plenty of easy to make breakfast stuff so I can make myself a nice hot meal quickly and easily on my crutches, and I’ve got some high protein snacks like nuts, sardines, and turkey jerky to keep me going during the day when I don’t have anyone to help me cook the rice or quinoa I got sent. I’ve got green beans to make green bean casserole, tea and coffee to keep me sane and comfortable while I’m in so much pain. Some people were even kind enough to purchase an Uber giftcard to help me get to doctor’s appointments since I can’t use the public transit until I’m in a walking boot or have a wheelchair (wheelchair should be in a couple of days!)" ] }, { "feature_id": 3694, "label": "The feature represents the experience of sudden, intense emotional or creative inspiration and the subsequent search for meaning or expression.", "pearson_r": 0.4340978077936681, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.006777810630700298, "mean_pos": 2.9592103958129883, "top_texts": [ "TW I’m really triggered by people praising Kobe Bryant all day today. So many people I know personally have talked about how he inspired them and how great of a person he was, and it makes me want to throw up. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t felt this bad in a while.", "For me, Figure Skating. I’m still a beginner but stepping on the ice feels like breathing sometimes.", "I mean, I don't know what my greatest fear is, so sure, I'd take the million dollars cause itd be interesting to find out what it is" ] }, { "feature_id": 1702, "label": "The theme is the professional practice, systemic critique, and institutional experience of psychiatry.", "pearson_r": 0.8361623498796444, "pred_f1": 0.9090909090909091, "freq": 0.0070052539404553416, "mean_pos": 2.8613274097442627, "top_texts": [ "I'm a psychiatrist. Suits me perfectly. Listening to other people share their deepest and darkest stuff, being able to explore their psyche all while remaining completely neutral and private myself. None of my patients are allowed to know more than the basic facts about me but I get to know everything about them. And send them home after 30 minutes. Best relationship ever.", "Informed consent is everything in medicine, yet in psychiatry it doesn't exist nearly to the same extent. I never even have been told by shrinks psych meds give you withdrawals. I found that one out on YouTube this year", "I got a psychiatrist easy by putting myself into a psych ward and they assigned me one for outpatient when I was released. Literally no waiting." ] }, { "feature_id": 1144, "label": "The use of journaling as a therapeutic tool for emotional processing, reflection, and self-regulation.", "pearson_r": 0.5023988099024612, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.005959014715582141, "mean_pos": 3.363085985183716, "top_texts": [ "No I just journal after sessions. I don't write the sessions down like evidence (which I did have to do with my ex-husband). I find it useful just to refer back to, especially some of the kind and supportive things my therapist has said. I trusted her completely up until this point, which is why I am so devastated.", "Journaling after interactions where I was assertive worked too! That way I got to celebrate small steps ❤️ you've got this!", "I’m sorry that happened to you, my mom did the same thing and looked in my journal when I was 8 or 9. And then when I was 16 I accidentally left a journal at an old friends house and she never gave it back even though I asked multiple times. There was really personal stuff in that one. These instances really tarnished my creativity with art and journaling. Im also the youngest child and I totally relate to how you said you always felt like you’re not taken seriously..Im 24 now and just recently started journaling again. Now I regret not journaling for so long. I would say just keep at it, don’t let them stop you from letting your thoughts out. Write about how much that hurt you. If they don’t take you seriously, don’t let it stop you from taking your mental health seriously. Keeping track of mental health is an admirable thing that more people should do honestly." ] }, { "feature_id": 7281, "label": "The feature represents the discourse surrounding the classification and social identity of neurodivergence versus neurotypicality.", "pearson_r": 0.5967264196334298, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.006186458025337184, "mean_pos": 3.22430682182312, "top_texts": [ "Right, but the number of neurodivergent people who refuse to attempt to cope with societal expectations is the outlier. Most neurodivergent people learn to manage their symptoms and deal with life.", "All of my family and favourite people are neurodiverse, and i don't care if they know, like the first time i met a neurotypical was at the army, and it was the first time i actually got hate for being nd...", "NTs with trauma aren't NT, the correct word would be neurodivergent/neurodiverse if you don't know their disorder. :)" ] }, { "feature_id": 2413, "label": "The feature represents the experience of being trapped in a self-perpetuating cycle of emotional or behavioral deterioration.", "pearson_r": 0.7679034519061441, "pred_f1": 0.8695652173913043, "freq": 0.007027998271430846, "mean_pos": 2.820021629333496, "top_texts": [ "I totally understand you. This negative loop/spiral is just awful. Feel bad - eat - feel more bad - eat - feel worse - eat.", "Man kan sagtens blive psykologisk afhængig, ligesom man kan blive af sex, træning og gambling.", "Does anyone else find that their chronic pain spirals everything? Context: I've had (difficult to treat/non-responsive) chronic pain since I was 11 years old due to an accident, and it's only worsened over the last 8 years. I find that the pain aggrevates how I feel emotionally, with each egging on the other on in a perpetual cycle emotional and physical misery. Does anyone else struggle with this, or find that this is the case?\n\n\nIt's made me so fucking tired of life." ] }, { "feature_id": 647, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of mental health struggles with the presence, accessibility, or potential use of firearms.", "pearson_r": 0.5989475689066991, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.005890781722655628, "mean_pos": 3.353238582611084, "top_texts": [ "Hmmm Thinking about going and getting a gun license and then buying a gun...", "But part of me fears that coming back out there I'll find a suicide. He's talked about it a lot and has plenty of guns. I had to take his Kimber .45 Raptor and Kimber .380 yesterday so I didn't have to worry about him shooting the dog. But they were just left o the counter cause I'm no thief. I just... Don't know what to do y'all....", "I get it, people collect guns as a hobby, this is america. When I saw it I immediately panicked because when I was with one of my abusive exes he bought an AR-15 really close to the end of our relationship and would do things like take it apart and put it back together over and over again in front of me and keep it loaded in our bed and I’ve been terrified of guns of all kinds ever since. I can’t even use a staple gun. This new guy and I just talking and haven’t decided to go on a date yet but it might go that way. Is this something that I’m panicking about because of my past or should I really be concerned?" ] }, { "feature_id": 2068, "label": "The feature represents the experience and processing of deep-seated, self-directed shame.", "pearson_r": 0.429693874128347, "pred_f1": 0.7, "freq": 0.006800554961675803, "mean_pos": 2.8405001163482666, "top_texts": [ "Shame connected to depression So I feel a ton of shame and I'm not sure how to process it. I see it come up all the time. It shuts me down and then I feel depressed. and really I feel slightly depressed most of the time. I have tried looking at my childhood and can see that there is shame around bullying. Maybe about being embarrassed about being attached to my mom and not liking it when she would go to meetings.. like I've scanned my childhood as much as I can. \n\n\nAny thoughts on what I can do? Empathy is welcome as well. It's frustrating because I feel like I go in circles trying to look at it but if I don't it still comes up. \n\n\nI've had a regular meditation for years and I talk to friends about this. Even went to a therapist for 6 months and gave up cause it wasn't really addressing it.", "Does anyone have tips/skills that work for them to deal with body hate and body shame? I recently had an intense flashback of abuse from the bad incidences from when I was very young. This has caused the resurfacing of very debilitating body shame and disgust for me. I'm avoiding touching my own body, have been avoiding the shower, also honestly bowel movements have been really shameful and difficult for me just because I have them. I'm wondering if anyone has any tips/skills they use to get through daily tasks with this. Also any kind words or phrases they remember to repeat would be helpful too. \n\nThis is my first time posting here. Please let me know if this should be posted in another sub!", "Shameful events give me PTSD-like symptoms I am 20 now and ever since I was 12 I've been having these PTSD-like symptoms where I would get flashbacks to shameful memories. It's not one particular memory that haunts me. They're basically all memories of a shameful nature that happened in the past few years. It could be where I said something wrong and later thought it to be embarrassing. Or it could be someone who belittled me and made me feel shame. I have a history of childhood bullying and a hard upbringing, and I quickly learned not to react to those events and instead of digesting them in a healthy manner, I would keep them to myself. \n\nI get these flashbacks multiple times a day, where I have to roar or smash the wall with my fist(poor neighbors). It makes meditation uneasy for me as they come up during my sessions too. I've tried to observe them as merely thoughts, but the feelings of shame that are associated with these thoughts are simply unbearable. It's funny how my mind is racing, but it's mostly the same thoughts that I think. I'm also quite uneasy to be around as I often come off as insecure and needy. I also keep myself busy with media all day long and can't be productive at all. I also look and feel older than I really am. \n\nCould shameful events lead to PTSD?" ] }, { "feature_id": 6036, "label": "The feature captures discussions regarding the intersection of gynecological health, menstrual cycles, and their impact on physical and emotional well-being.", "pearson_r": 0.7031634609833702, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.0054131507721700365, "mean_pos": 3.564497232437134, "top_texts": [ "Anyone else on venlafaxine and getting the side effect of prolonged periods? TW period talk I started taking it a month and a half ago, and while mentally it's worked great, I have the side effect of my period just not stopping. I had a check up with my doctor and he said that I was in that 2% of people that get that side effect. He said not to worry too much and if it continues to see him again, but I don't think he realizes how much of an inconvenience periods are. I'm on week 4 of my period. My periods are normally 7 days, and I bleed a lot during the first couple days and then it starts to slow down, and my blood is normally blood colour. My period now is less blood, but it's brown and clumpier. If anyone else has gotten this side effect, how long did it take for it to go away? I'm getting a hormonal IUD in a few weeks which might help stop it but in the mean time I'm getting sick of my period.", "One morning I woke up with a feeling of something not right in my pelvic area after a night of nocturia,I ignored it. \nFew days later it started getting worse and now my groin feels like there's something stuck inside it or my pelvic area and when I sit there's pressure on my back. What could this be? Could it be related to vaginismus?\nhttps://reddit.com/r/vaginismus/comments/om7be3/i_have_this_feeling_247_unable_to_relax_or_lead/", "Ladies on Wellbutrin XL: Any menstrual issues? I started Wellbutrin XL at 150mg exactly one month ago. Besides the loss of appetite and some slight jitters I was fine. That is up until a week ago when things got weird. \n\nI had a supposed IBS flare up that had me sitting weird from bladder urges and pelvic pressure. Now I have a bruised coccyx from sitting weird BUT ANYWAYS..\n\nI’m expecting my period on 4/16, and just yesterday I had some brown discharge after my first workout since my IBS/bruised coccyx.. looks like the light discharge you might get after or before your period. Now today it’s just the lightest brown with a touch of pink.. barely even discharge. \n\nI’m on the 28 day combo pill and I take it religiously, 6:30am every day without fail. I highly doubt it’s implantation bleeding, and I did have a negative first response pregnancy test. My periods don’t come like perfect clockwork, but they have never started a whole 10 days early on their own unless I missed a BC pill! \n\nI’m going to call my doctor this week if it doesn’t let up.. but has anyone else experienced weird periods on Wellbutrin? I know BC and bodily stress can make your periods funky, but this has never once happened to me. " ] }, { "feature_id": 9084, "label": "The feature represents defensive frustration and perceived invalidation regarding the intersection of socioeconomic status and mental health.", "pearson_r": 0.5711892857724293, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.006504878658994246, "mean_pos": 2.9349446296691895, "top_texts": [ ">Toxic femininity is certainly a real concept, brought on as a result of the trauma of the patriarchy", "Who have I antagonized? Me having an angry tone because people refuse to acknowledge that being poor makes having a mental illness exponentially harder is not the same as intentionally antagonizing someone. Go away", "I've been saving up all the condescending replies I get anytime I mention that mental illness is harder when dealing with poverty." ] }, { "feature_id": 521, "label": "The feature captures narratives involving specific, anecdotal life events or external situational experiences rather than clinical symptoms or diagnostic inquiries.", "pearson_r": 0.3856100956103739, "pred_f1": 0.7272727272727273, "freq": 0.006186458025337184, "mean_pos": 3.059854507446289, "top_texts": [ "He was ass raped every minute of it, endlessly, while Lucifer and Michael dressed like bears. There were also clowns that danced around THE END", "She didn't go home with me, she took an Uber. It was the worst 30 minutes of my life. I payed for the food, got it to go, and went home. This is where it gets crazy. I wanted to be away from her at that time.", "\"Just go outside more, you'd feel much better\" Well I went outside today because I had to do some errands, and guess what, I was still depressed. I was feeling even more miserable outside because I couldn't stand watching all those couples and groups of friends having a great time. I had to hold back my tears on my way home. When I finally returned home, I just threw myself on my bed and cried. \n\nSo yeah, that was my day, how was yours?" ] }, { "feature_id": 3167, "label": "The feature identifies technical, legal, or pharmacological discussions regarding specific chemical substances and their regulatory or metabolic properties.", "pearson_r": 0.7095746584841394, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.005777060067778107, "mean_pos": 3.2765626907348633, "top_texts": [ "Det viktige her er b. Lovgivningen er såpass bred at alt som bare ligner på et allerede ulovlig eller legemiddell oppført stoff kan føre til anmeldelse og vil være ulovlig og erverve. Jeg fikk brev om anmeldelse fra politiet etter at jeg prøvde å bestille 50 Clonazepam tabletter. Det var visst brudd på legemiddelloven.", "Ketamine \n[When administered orally, ketamine undergoes first-pass metabolism, where it is biotransformed in the liver by CYP3A4 (major), CYP2B6 (minor), and CYP2C9 (minor) isoenzymes into norketamine (through N-demethylation) and ultimately dehydronorketamine.[12] Intermediate in the biotransformation of norketamine into dehydronorketamine is the hydroxylation of norketamine into hydroxynorketamine by CYP2B6 and CYP2A6. As the major metabolite of ketamine, norketamine is one-third to one-fifth as potent as an anesthetic, and plasma levels of this metabolite are three times higher than ketamine following oral administration.[138][151] Ketamine and its metabolites are also conjugated.[18]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ketamine#Metabolism) \n \nDesmetramadol \n[Desmetramadol is metabolized in the liver into the active metabolite N,O-didesmethyltramadol via CYP3A4 and CYP2B6. The inactive tramadol metabolite N-desmethyltramadol is metabolized into the active metabolite N,O-didesmethyltramadol by CYP2D6. The metabolic conversion of tramadol to desmetramadol is highly dependent on individual metabolism, meaning that two users with an identical opioid tolerance can experience vastly different effects from the same dose. For this reason, tramadol is always initiated at the lowest possible dose in clinical settings and then titrated to the lowest effective dose. Recreational users tend to start with much higher doses without taking this into account, greatly increasing the risk of overdose.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desmetramadol) \n \nI would not mess with O-DMST while on mirtazapine. Sounds like very high risk. Combining tramadol with anything is greatly discouraged against.", "Over-the-counter (OTC) medicines are good for many types of pain \n\nPain relievers are medicines that reduce or relieve headaches, sore muscles, arthritis, or other aches and pains. There are many different pain medicines, and each one has advantages and risks. Some types of pain respond better to certain medicines than others. Each person may also have a slightly different response to a pain reliever. 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Pain relievers are just one part of a pain treatment plan and can be gotten [here.](https://lifewaypharmacy.org/)" ] }, { "feature_id": 1744, "label": "The feature represents the experience of intense, intrusive, or distressing feelings of jealousy within interpersonal relationships.", "pearson_r": 0.6709655139424405, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.0052311961243660015, "mean_pos": 3.5276567935943604, "top_texts": [ "How do you guys rid yourselves of jealousy? I mean jealousy of all kinds too.\n\n* The kind where you get pissed off seeing other people happy.\n* The kind where your lover spoke to someone else and it haunted you.\n* The kind where you're feeling like you're missing out on fun things your peers are doing, but it just pisses you off instead of makes you sad. \n* The kind where you're just overwhelmed with bitterness towards any sign of other people being happy at all, even in situations that are completely attainable by you. You just don't give a shit enough to put yourself in those situations.\n\nI'm just frustrated. I've had a long day. I needed this.", "Why am I SO jealous Sorry for the long post. \n\nI suffered with depression for about 5 years, I’m pretty much out of it now but still dealing with the fallout. 2 years out of the 5 were severe, so bad that my brain has blocked out the memories and I don’t remember any of it. It started when I was about 17. Perfect timing. \n\nNevertheless due to amazing support from my family, I was able to get into medical school and am half way through. It’s been incredibly hard and my attendance the first 2 years was pretty awful because I honestly had no interest or passion like I used to. This has returned to normal now (about 6 months ago) and I’m managing to thrive, although I still can only handle doing school stuff, if I add anything else to that equation I end up completely drained and everything falls apart. \n\nI feel like I wasted my youth. The ages 17 to 23 are supposed to be your best years. Or at least that’s what everybody says. They have been a nightmare for me. I want to go out and enjoy myself and party and have lots of friends and date. But there’s been none of that for me since I was 17. \n\nI’m so jealous of everyone who is able to do this. I open my Instagram or Facebook and everyone is having the time of their lives. I know that social media is heavily filtered and there could be things going on behind the scenes, but that’s hard to believe when people are going out every single weekend and travelling around the world and experiencing things I always wanted to.\n\nI can’t do the things I want to because I’ve shut myself off socially since I gained my ‘depression’ weight. It’s going to take me at least 8 months of hard work to lose but instead of working towards it all I’m thinking about is how everyone else is having fun and that even if I do get fit I’ve already lost out on so much.\n\nI know that I shouldn’t feel this way. I should be extremely grateful for my family, my health and my career. I’m going to be a qualified doctor in 2 years and then start training to be a surgeon. I know that this is something I should be proud of but I still feel so much jealousy towards the people with perfect lives and perfect bodies and ‘fame’. I’ve tried to logically work through these feelings but it never seems to make a difference. ", "Does anyone experience heart palpitations when jealous over fp? Ive noticed I have very abnormal heart palpitations when I get extremely jealous over my fp. Ive tried just about everything to control it, assuming it came from anxiety; nothing helps. Does anyone else experience this too? \n\nIve been studying the heart and I dont understand what would cause this, if this is something to look into further. " ] }, { "feature_id": 8551, "label": "The feature represents academic or professional performance-related stress and institutional anxiety.", "pearson_r": 0.696421997103957, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.006140969363386176, "mean_pos": 2.9908740520477295, "top_texts": [ "Currently in the same boat. I have a D in OChem and I need to make it a B by the end of the semester. I’m so confused and so screwed.", "thanks for your advice. I'm going to sit down with my advisor and have a blunt conversation about his assessment of my performance and what might need to change in order for me to maintain funding. it's a fairly young program, and none of the students in my cohort or the ones above me have ever handled a situation like mine, so i think the faculty have struggled with how to respond and are kind of avoiding giving the situation any sort of structure. if my mental health doesn't improve, i might take the summer semester off. you're right, i'm really fighting the inevitable collapse of my mental health if i don't take some time to get better.", "Applying to grad schools. May have forgotten a very fundamental part of one of them. Hey friends. \n\nIm currently in the (very competitive) process of applying to grad school. I applied to my UG institution and sent everything before the due date. I was feeling like I was on top of my game. For my program we have a supplemental application as well as the application to do on the main portal. I went back today and double checked some stuff on the supplemental application and realized I didn’t send my alma matter my transcripts from community college via the supplemental application. I thought they would have them on file already and I thought this would be fine. I read between the lines more tonight (it was due yesterday) and realize I had to submit my official transcripts from community college to the supplemental application as well, even though I went here for undergrad and they have those documents. \n\nI’ve done a lot of excellent work in this department and I was really thinking I’d have a good shot at getting in. I contacted the advising office but I’m feeling extremely defeated right now. " ] }, { "feature_id": 6590, "label": "The feature represents the experience and physiological aftermath of panic attacks.", "pearson_r": 0.5324227706519767, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.006140969363386176, "mean_pos": 2.9805641174316406, "top_texts": [ "I'm about the same. I wake up a few times throughout the night. I was on Seroquel XR which helped a lot with sleep, but I've had to stop so my sleep hasn't been great. When I was in school my sleep was generally amazing, but ever since the panic attacks started, it's never been the same. I think maybe it's just a part of aging, but I can never get the same sleep except on the rarest of occasions.", "The only thing I can say is that being open about it helps because it takes it out of your head. Leaving it in makes your head a pressure cooker. For me the best way to deal with a panic attack is to say stuff out loud about how I feel and let people around me reassure me. It's hard cause I don't want to burden them with it but they seem to love me and care about me a great deal and then sharing your feelings is normal. In fact they say that they want to help me and are glad when I speak out so they know what they can help me with...go figure", "My panic disorder was very bad when I lived at home with my dad and little brother for three years, but it improved in an almost laughably quick fashion after I moved out a year ago. It's still here, it gets worse in periods with poor sleep, too much sugar and too high activity levels (meaning more than two things happens in a week), I can feel it tapping me on my shoulder, sending shocks of adrenaline through my body at times - but I haven't had a real panic attack out of nowhere since my second week of living alone (if this move didn't confirm the SPD-diagnosis, I don't know what would)." ] }, { "feature_id": 6470, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of emotional numbness and anhedonia.", "pearson_r": 0.3968173174234481, "pred_f1": 0.6, "freq": 0.0060727363704596625, "mean_pos": 2.984793186187744, "top_texts": [ "I just want to be numb What I'd give for even just a few hours of numbness right now.", "Ive recently been feeling numb and I dont look forward to any of the things I used to. Ive been taking prozac for a couple of years been feeling better just recently ive been feeling this way. Any help?", "Why is so hard to be happy I always feel numb or sad. I remember times when I used to be happy and I want to turn the clock back but I cant and Im so tired of living. I wish i could just be happy and have something or someone to live for" ] }, { "feature_id": 8056, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of physical injury, bodily trauma, and the resulting disruption to one's identity or functional capabilities.", "pearson_r": 0.47455475311913253, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.006118225032410672, "mean_pos": 2.958258867263794, "top_texts": [ "I think you misunderstood. Your definition of evil was based on the intentions of majority vs. Minority. That is the definition of \"Normal\".\nBy that definition Hitler would have become a saint if his plans to rule the world had worked and he had killed everyone not agreeing with him. The people left would make out the majority and agree with him making him good. \nThe problem with \"evil\" is that it implies that there are universal rules which applies to all beings. Breaking those rules makes you evil. But we have seen again and again how those rules can be bent or even broken over time. \nReferring to an action as evil is often the result of failure to understand that person. Yes, in many eyes Ed Gein in an evil man who murdered people, but his actions were the result of years of abuse to the point where his mind bent bent the \"rules\". \nThe term evil has been discussed since the birth of philosophy are often in connection with religion. There is no common collective agreement on how evil is defined today. It is therefore useless to describe any intentions or actions.", "A few years ago I was in an accident. I mangled the last three fingers on my dominant hand. The ring and pinky finger were only minorly injured, but the middle finger got hit a lot worse. The surgeon told me they could fix it, and they did. But that finger doesn't grip as well as it did before the accident. The fingerprint is interrupted with a couple of scars, and the tendon is weaker even after I got the fine function back. Some things still hurt to do.\n\nTo me, schizoid is kind of like that. Except instead of a pencil or my mobile, it's emotions and attachments I have trouble gripping. I drop emotional exchanges because I'm weaker in that area and my \"natural grip\" is messed up. Sometimes it hurts to try and \"hold\" things. I have workarounds in place for the basic things I'm not good at anymore.", "How to help friend who's going through a possible career ending injury and is prone to depression? My roommate and close friend was recently was diagnosed with an injury that is making it almost impossible for them to work in their field and do what they love. It's possible it could get better and it's possible that it won't. What I'm worried about is this is already something that would easily cause withdrawals and depression (which in my opinion they're already showing symptoms of) and I know they're prone to depression and have a mild case of agoraphobia (in their case it's to do with leaving the house and making concrete plans) as well. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nAnyone else gone through this? Any tips or advice for me to do as a friend?" ] }, { "feature_id": 9264, "label": "The feature represents the navigation of therapeutic boundaries and the management of the client-therapist relationship.", "pearson_r": 0.5417792626346432, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.005913526053631132, "mean_pos": 2.9984984397888184, "top_texts": [ "Setting boundaries without them being on board and without them getting anything in return might be harmful, so for each boundary you set, ask yourself why it was crossed in the first place and if you two together can find a good alternative that will give them the same feeling and validation that caused the overstep. Communication is key :)", "You absolutely have the right to ask for 2 sessions a week. You don't have to be in crisis. However, just be aware that more sessions doesn't necessarily equal quicker progress. It could cause overwhelm, more emotional pain, and more painful transference. More isn't always better. Also, I asked my T for 2 sessions a week a year ago and she flat out said no, she couldn't do that. It felt humiliating to have asked and be \"rejected\" (even though she had a perfect right to prioritise her schedule). So, bear all of this in mind.", "Okay yeah I didn’t know it was an over and over pressure thing. I assumed it was more of an yeah you could do that. But that is something we’re you should set boundaries in therapy if possible" ] }, { "feature_id": 7092, "label": "The feature represents the experience of morning-specific depressive symptoms and the struggle to initiate the day.", "pearson_r": 0.46945308409251707, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.005617849750949576, "mean_pos": 3.1466455459594727, "top_texts": [ "Mornings are hard I’m not sure why but mornings are really hard for me. I wake up feeling defeated, useless, unwanted and just overall tired. Tired of life. I have nothing to look forward to and nothing to motivate me to make changes. I wish I had more hope or just a general appreciation for life but I don’t. I just don’t want to be here anymore. Maybe throughout the day I can distract myself from these thoughts until tomorrow when it happens all over again. ", "Are mornings the hardest part of the day for you? Mornings are so hard because i lack the will to start the day. I keep wanting to put off getting up and doing things. I have debilitating chronic illnesses on top of depression and anxiety. My weakness and depression are the worst right after i’m up. Anyone else feels the same?", "Mornings are always the worst. Whenever I wake up, it's as if I'm suddenly thrown in the real world with no prior preparation, and within a single hour I get to feel depressed, annoyed and especially angry. People around me think it's just morning grumpiness, which is cool, but my relationships are detrimental from my perspective whenever I get so annoyed I'm shaking at the smallest, most insignificant comment. It's also the time of day I argue the most with my SO and I'm unexplainably rude to them and distant while at night I'm extremely clingy, obsessive and loving.\n\nI don't know... Can anyone relate with my terrible mornings? It's as if time of day is a switch for my general mood a lot of the time." ] }, { "feature_id": 9663, "label": "The feature represents a meta-request for concise communication and accessibility accommodations for neurodivergent readers.", "pearson_r": 0.3947710169758615, "pred_f1": 0.0, "freq": 0.005686082743876089, "mean_pos": 3.103433132171631, "top_texts": [ "Pls TLDR. TLDR: TLDR pls.\n\nAs much as I want to support and empathise with you, I can't read through that much text. Can we put the TLDR in bold and at the start of posts?", "Recoop- anyone tried it? Just received a targeted ad for Recoop https://getrecoop.com \n\nSounds like supplements that help with stimulant side effects. Has anyone tried this? \n\nAdditionally, should I just consider buying the vitamins they list for my low budget version of this?", "Please guys... include a tl;dr Seems like not a single post has a tldr. This is a friendly reminder to include one, especially for people with adhd.\n\nTldr; remember a tldr before submitting a post." ] }, { "feature_id": 24, "label": "The feature represents the psychological process of seeking or practicing forgiveness, particularly regarding past trauma, interpersonal betrayal, or self-reproach.", "pearson_r": 0.600482472863716, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.005686082743876089, "mean_pos": 3.0957629680633545, "top_texts": [ "How do I forgive my parents? This is my first time talking about my PTSD or asking for support on the internet, so please be gentle. \n\nI am recently dealing with a bad flare-up of my PTSD. Specifically, I am dealing with something I previously felt resolved about - forgiving my parents for not catching the signs surrounding my abuse when I was young. \n\nI was sexually abused by a close family friend from 6 to 13 years of age. During this time multiple people came to my parents and said they thought something might be off. Nothing concrete, no evidence, just \"this seems weird\". My parents generally dismissed these warnings. \n\nAt age 13 I got really sick of trying to explain my depression without citing the actual cause and came forward about the abuse. At that point my parents were truly and extremely supportive. They believed me immediately, apologized profusely for their lapse in judgment, and helped me seek legal action and therapy. \n\nAt the time I felt accepting of the fact that they had done their best and failed. I suppose in some ways I felt like I needed the stability of a non-combative relationship with my parents more than I needed to vent my anger. \n\nRecently, (over a decade later) after the birth of my own daughter, and due to some events which have re-triggered my PTSD, I have been revisiting my feelings around my parents a lot. For the first time in my life I am living completely without my parents logistical or financial support. It feels like the lack of dependence has freed up some space to feel truly angry at their failure to protect me. \n\nIn many ways I know that this is a feeling that will pass. Right now I am struggling with how to interact with my parents. We normally have a very close relationship and speak several times a week Etc. Recently I find that I am avoiding contact. I have the urge to explain my lack of interaction, but it somehow feels like it would be destructive to bring it up again after so many years. I spent a long time trying to get my mom to stop beating herself up over this, so turning around and saying \"nevermind I'm pissed at you after all\" seems like it would be a cruel thing to do. \n\nOf course I will be discussing this with my therapist, but I thought I'd try crowdsourcing some support since the number of people I feel I can talk to about this in person is fairly limited. \n\nThanks in advance for any words of kindness or gentle advice. \n", "I had a major breakthrough on Monday and felt like sharing Ever since I've been an adult I think I've had depression and anxiety and all the forms of negativity and self loathing.\n\nWhat happened was end of 2017 I broke up with my then-gf and for a few months was numb to the whole thing. Eventually I realized I had made a mistake and became even more depressed. I tried to get her back but understandably she'd moved on.\n\nAnyway, fast forward to this past weekend; I saw her for one last time and got some necessary closure and I felt absolutely devastated since I still have feelings for her. But I remember thinking about all the self loathin and all the hatred towards myself and how I'd made such a massive mistake. \n\nAnd then I told myself despite all that there was this girl that at one point had loved me with all her heart, despite the flaws. Then I realized there were others too that cared about me: my friends, my family, and so on. And that it was human to make mistakes. It was so jarring to think this way because I realized the reason I was so impatient and judgmental with others is because I was constantly critiquing myself and my actions.\n\nSo I told myself I was going to forgive myself. And I think that leap was the first step in a series of massive epiphanies.\nI realized that a lot of the resentment I held for my parents, my siblings, was because of this. That I'd gotten stuck in a loop of self-righteousness because it was impossible to forgive them (for the same reason it was impossible to forgive myself).\n\nI'm planning on chatting with my mom/dad/sister this weekend separately and tell them that:\na)I forgive them for things they did to me emotionally. they were mistakes \nb)I thank them for their sacrifices and love and I want to return the love\n\n\nI dont know if this makes sense but my god it was such an intense few days\n", "How to reconcile feelings of regret? I can’t help but be constantly confronted with all the opportunities I missed. How do you forgive yourself and reconcile with all the things you never and will never get to do? All the years you won’t get back? \n\nEspecially with everything going on right now I feel I am constantly thinking about all the things I missed out on and all the dreams I had that have been dashed. How do you forgive yourself for what you’ve done and haven’t done? How do you stop those thoughts from constantly coming forth? How does a ‘dreamer’ give up and move on? I feel like I’ve broken my own heart and don’t know how to fix it, and it gets in the way of the things in my life that actually are wonderful. But no matter what I do I feel those thoughts constantly bringing me down and overwhelming me with sadness." ] }, { "feature_id": 2836, "label": "The feature represents the experience of physical restlessness, sensory sensitivity, or the cyclical nature of daily existence.", "pearson_r": 0.5565421090271799, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.0061637136943616805, "mean_pos": 2.853808879852295, "top_texts": [ "The sun makes such a difference. Wish I had more windows.", "What happens when ... Maybe the sun does rise but what happens when it sets again ? What then ? ", "Life is a cycle of long lasting sadness It seems like everyday is just the same as yesterday and it never changes. I don't get excited for things. Sure maybe things can get me to smile every once and I while but I still feel pain. Everyday I wake up into the exact same situation I've woken up into everyday of my life and I just want it to end. I can't wake up into another day of sadness if I can't wake up in the first place.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nDoes anyone else feel like everyday is just a repeat from the day before and you're stuck in a never-ending cycle of sadness?" ] }, { "feature_id": 2201, "label": "The feature represents the positive evaluation and personal validation of psychiatric medication and neurodivergent coping mechanisms.", "pearson_r": 0.5352475816454757, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.0061637136943616805, "mean_pos": 2.8443243503570557, "top_texts": [ "You could compare the impairments of mental illness to those of certain physiological issues as well. Congenital analgesia is an example that I like quite a lot, because it's the complete inability to feel pain; someone with it could experience a great deal of damage to their body and not feel a thing. Though they may not suffer when pain is inflicted on them, such as with a broken arm, they are still affected by it nonetheless.", "The irritation with hair is soooo real. There's been multiple times when I'm tempted to rip it out honestly", "absolutely not! have they heard of temple grandin? she’s an incredible animal behaviorist on the autism spectrum who has done incredible work towards the humane treatment of livestock during the slaughter process. her entire process involves creativity and visualization. read Oliver Sacks’ profile of her in “An Anthropologist On Mars.” furthermore people on the autism spectrum may feel a constellation of symptoms at varying degrees, none of which specify an inability to visualize or create." ] }, { "feature_id": 2783, "label": "The feature represents the systemic barriers and administrative frustrations associated with navigating NHS mental health referral and waiting list processes.", "pearson_r": 0.5344584834401426, "pred_f1": 0.7, "freq": 0.005708827074851593, "mean_pos": 3.0373358726501465, "top_texts": [ "NHS (Northern Ireland). How long did it take for your referral to a specialist take? Had my appointment with my GP not long before Christmas. She referred me to a mental health specialist and told me that I’d receive a letter. Still waiting.\n\nHow long did you have to wait? I’m currently seeing a therapist twice a month but I’m eager on trying to further my progression through life essentially.", "NHS BPD QUESTION? They wont help me. For those who have been told by NHS that they are \"too unstable\" for therapy and have to get stable for it to be referred, What did you do?? Did you ever get help eventually?\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI've been fighting this for years. I see everybody around me getting help and having just like months to wait and ive been waiting for therapy for over 6 years now! I've begged and begged for help endlessly but i get nowhere. I feel so much envy and jealousy over people who get help and i feel evil for feeling that way. I honestly just want to give up.\n\n \nMy other disorders (PTSD, agoraphobia, and bulimia) have just been getting worse and worse too so I feel like im getting even further away from being the perfect amount of \"stable\" for help. I've also started getting physical issues from my bulimia, ive developed gallstones from fasting and binging, and I've started getting chest pains and dizziness and hot flushes all the time. Yet still no help.", "I get told I'm being referred, it turns out not to be true. I get referred and added to the list, I need other mental health support in the meantime, getting added to another list bumps me from the ADHD list. It's infuriating. I'm entirely up for going radge." ] }, { "feature_id": 969, "label": "The feature represents the discussion of specific philosophical, religious, or identity-based belief systems and frameworks.", "pearson_r": 0.5189052270225435, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.005913526053631132, "mean_pos": 2.9179697036743164, "top_texts": [ "Raised in the Buddhist sect of SGI, definitely can get a little cultish.", "I was one of the last Americans to be Gogikaid(spelling?) in the US before the separation from Nikken. I was 5 years old and as we left the temple the doors were closed and never opened again. I grew up in the sect and am very familiar. SGI is actually as far away from Buddhism as I can think of without it literally not calling itself Buddhism. Nicherin Daishonin was controversial as a figure himself, considering him basically declaring he was a reincarnated Bodhisattva and that all problems were basically caused by people not following his Buddhism. As far as modern day, the principal is to gain all you want through chanting the lotus sutra and in doing so surpassing materialism and gaining enlightenment in this lifetime. However, this doesn’t happen, in fact it’s mainly marketed as a wish machine, a solution to every problem, I have witnessed it being touted as a cure for cancer. In some smaller cells, the people are great and there is a strong sense of community. In larger cities the aggressive recruiting, uninvited visitations and shaming are real and never left. Just like most organized religions, most of the controversy was around money, politics, and literally priests accusing priests of drugs and hookers. Petty nonsense and jealousy. They recruit the broken spirited who are looking for spirituality to clean up their messy lives.", "Man kan sagtens blive psykologisk afhængig, ligesom man kan blive af sex, træning og gambling." ] }, { "feature_id": 818, "label": "The feature represents the process of tapering off or discontinuing Mirtazapine medication.", "pearson_r": 0.40145231590737884, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.005094730138512976, "mean_pos": 3.38289213180542, "top_texts": [ "Hi, I've been on Calixta (Mirtazapine 15mg) for 44 days (6 weeks and 2 days) and it's not working for me so i want to quit. My psychiatrist told me to lower the dose from 15mg to 7.5mg for 5 days then quit completely. Since I've been using it for around 6 weeks, is it safe to cut the dose in half? She says mirtazapine isn't addictive and that i won't experience withdrawals... Any advice?\nhttps://reddit.com/r/antidepressants/comments/tx2l81/quitting_mirtazapine/", "Yes, i have been on Mirtazapine for 7 weeks and i am currently tapering off. When i was on 15mg, my muscles were twitching, now that i dropped to 7.5mg, twitching is less frequent", "I know this isn't my post, but i am in a similar situation so i am curious. Since i have been taking antidepressants for 6 weeks (Mirtazapine, 15mg). Do i have to gradually lower the dose or i can completely stop? I talked about this with my psychiatrist, but she says i shouldn't quit, but the medication clearly isn't working and the side effects are not going away, so i figured i should quit on my own or ask for a new psychiatrist." ] }, { "feature_id": 4895, "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding the clinical classification, diagnostic criteria, and theoretical distinctions of personality disorders.", "pearson_r": 0.56620016219348, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.005731571405827097, "mean_pos": 2.935758113861084, "top_texts": [ "Does this mean avoidants can't be extroverts? Because I seem to have nearly equal levels of extroversion and introversion, and my symptoms have kinda been making it hard to decide which I was.", "yeh but the avoidance is a symptom that more PDs have. So just avoidance as a symptom doesn't mean it's AvPD. That's why you need to find something more defining, and in the case of AvPD it's actually the cause of this avoidant behavior that is key, not the avoidance itself. Again, it's not unique to AvPD to be avoidant.", "Also, I like Erratic85's suggestion of a comparison of the DSM's descriptions vs the ICD's descriptions, using that \"The Traits Are Not What They Seem To Me\" thread as an example. Specifically, I think it would also be helpful to have some things included from Erratic85 and shamelessintrovert's discussion in that thread (concerning the symptoms and what psychologists are looking for in their descriptions) to add to the listed symptoms." ] }, { "feature_id": 2637, "label": "The feature represents the distinction between cognitive and affective processing, particularly regarding empathy, physical sensations, and emotional regulation.", "pearson_r": 0.38960321373604434, "pred_f1": 0.6, "freq": 0.006049992039484159, "mean_pos": 2.7747037410736084, "top_texts": [ "I experience affective empathy towards animals but I think this is not about cognitive empathy. Because otherwise, my cognitive empathy is fine.", "I have an alternate theory. I think it's possible to feel good mentally but not physically. Mentally I felt genuinely good on vegan but physically I had low energy. I was eating a lot of fiber though that I normally wouldn't have and maybe that improved my mood. 90% of the body's serotonin is found in the gut along with 50% of the dopamine. If you're vegan and eating a lot of fiber then maybe this could be improving your overall mood. I just make sure to eat more fiber now while still eating meat.", "My affective empathy is lacking, and if I do feel anything towards people in these situations, it does not feel like it registers for me. My cognitive empathy makes up for that deficit, though." ] }, { "feature_id": 3820, "label": "The feature identifies the psychological mechanisms of indoctrination, cult influence, and the external manipulation of individual agency.", "pearson_r": 0.4109240434918073, "pred_f1": 0.5333333333333333, "freq": 0.00564059408192508, "mean_pos": 2.9517340660095215, "top_texts": [ "Cults can indoctrinate anyone. They can replace who you are with who they want you to be to any extent that they see fit. It’s a terrifying thing that they can do. Yes, everyone should be held accountable for their actions. But I do not want to dismiss the impact & influence such organizations have on their members. It turns victims into abusers & it literally can happen to anyone. That is why I feel conflicted. They never start with the crazy shit. It’s a gradual process that makes you disregard everything about yourself & replaces it with what the organization wants to be, think, feel. Who you are & what the cult is becomes a very blurred line. & it’s so slow that you don’t even realize that it’s happening", "Not at all what I’m saying. Everyone is responsible for their actions. People should have consequences for their actions, even when they themselves are victims of abuse. It’s not an excuse to hurt others. But to dismiss all cult members as crazy or stupid causes more people to get indoctrinated into cults, makes it harder for people to leave & recover, & makes it easier for the leaders to escape punishment by throwing their victims under the bus. Our greatest weapon against these organizations is to understand how they function & what they can do to people. I do think you have made some good points, like every adult involved is responsible for their actions & should be held accountable. On that we both agree. Have a good night, afternoon, morning, or evening", "That doesn’t matter. Even though he was a kid, he still made the choice to escape. He told himself he would protect them even as a young kid, and he was unable to. Because if that, he blames himself," ] }, { "feature_id": 8139, "label": "Systemic institutional failure and the perceived inadequacy or hypocrisy of mental health support structures.", "pearson_r": 0.43706059937526454, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.005822548729729115, "mean_pos": 2.854635715484619, "top_texts": [ "I've tried 4 times today to get help and it all failed Sometimes I really think the \"rules, tips, and tricks\" organizations, people, or whatever tell you about suicide prevention are real bullshit. Sometimes it just feels like it's for a certain kind of person. One who is just real sad, or has a bout of depression, maybe even some anxiety all of which can be managed and controlled with very accessible and normal resources because even then all of those things require some sort of internal will power or the ability of the person themselves to take their mental health in to their own hands, pick themselves up by their bootstraps and all that.\n\nAnd then there's everyone else, who blatantly need help. Maybe they even make it very, very clear that they have a mental illness (as I have done myself many times), maybe it just shows in their appearance and so on. But I cant help feeling left out on my own, to control a fatal disease with the equivalent of over the counter medication.\n\nI have been suffering for 3 years now and it hasn't been getting any better, in fact each year it gets a heck of a lot worse. I first showed symptoms at 16 of having depression (suicidal ideation, breaking things, self harm, and so on), but it didnt get really bad until I turned 19 (as far as I ascertained), I'm 22 now for reference. It doesnt matter how many times I talk, or read a motivational book, that's not enough.\n\nFinally, FINALLY I got a therapist after years of hopping around the shitty mental health system we have in my corner of the world and while I've had some insights, I've spiraled several times. I really needed to speak with my therapist today because I'm trying, I've been making an honest fucking effort for years to live with my ailments. I had an appointment, I wanted to give it another go and talk this out- and it was canceled.\n\nI figured, okay this really sucks, I'm really upset because I'm trying to implement the rules she gave me to help myself, I went to my partner to open up to him (which is so fucking hard for me to do) and again i got dismissed because he has to much work to do to listen to me talk about my issues I guess. \n\nLet me make it a point that I have been studying my mental degradation for years, so I know how to identify my triggers, I know how to track my symptoms and so on (this has been without the aid of a professional because for a long time I couldn't afford it). I knew things were getting bad because I was suddenly getting progressively weaker (a symptom), I was already feeling low because it takes me a while to get to a normal state after I have a breakdown (which I did days prior). Food started to disgust me and all I wanted was to lay down which I did, I slept. When I got up, I mustered up the energy to call a lifeline - apparently the lifeline only handles a specific section of society and the man said \"I can get you a number.\" To which I hung up.\n\nFinally, I called another lifeline, the national one everyone always puts in their captions, youtube description boxes, and so on.\n\nThere's 40 people ahead of me.\n\nI'm exhausted with trying, I dont want to try, I want to drift away into nonexistence. I want to disappear. I dont want to hear GaryVee or Tony Robin's, or whoever the fuck. I dont want to journal my feelings, I don't want to \"reachout\" or whatever the fuck that means.\n\nStarvation is the only method I'm comfortable enough with in taking my own life but it takes time. I've been not eating in hopes of fulfilling the fantasy that I will go to sleep and wake up somewhere else. The next I'll try is burning charcoal but that's gonna be a hard one with the quarantine. I live in a 1 bedroom with someone who works from home, whatever I do has to work on me only me and immediately or else he'll call the police.\n\nHonestly fuck all of this. I'm so tired of people telling me to do this and to do that for a severity of mental illness they've never even experienced before. I'm sick of people telling me to hold on and them not listening to me when I \"reach out\" to talk. And the lifeline is mediocre, it's just a bunch of volunteers asking you questions to determine whether or not to call the police.", "People who want to prevent suicide are just as bad as the 'pro birth' pro life crowd Meaning that...you have these people who are soooo pro life...you better have that baby. They'll attend marches, share Facebook statuses, get into arguments, they're so against abortion but once you actually have that baby...do they do anything to help? No. They just want you to have that baby at all costs but then hey you're on your own. \n\nSame as people who are suicide prevention...they'll attend suicide prevention walks, share Facebook statuses, tell people that suicide is wrong, they must not commit suicide at any cost but then...once you don't kill yourself...do they try to engage with you? Do they try to fix the fundamental problems in society that make people depressed? No. You're alone again. Okay you didn't kill yourself....now what. Those people who will fight tooth and nail to keep you alive don't actually help to make life worth living. It's just a chance to get likes. A chance to go with their friends to a suicide awareness walk to seem like a good person. A chance to have a story to tell about how they prevented someone from committing suicide...again to seem like a good person. Just like with the pro birther pro life crowd. It's all about the idea that your life is important, when in reality actions show that your life is not important. ", "How to get taken seriously by psychiatrists So I live in Ireland and our mental health Services are very limited here. I’ve been with my psychiatrists office for 2 years now and barely get any help. I’ve been waiting for DBT for a year and a half now, so I’ve had to go privately for schema therapy. It’s working well but it’s €100 an hour and I go every week.\n\nI’ve had one suicide attempt in their care and was put on a string of medication that haven’t worked. I recently took myself off my Zoloft cause it just simply wasn’t doing anything, like not even side effects? \n\nI’ve gone to emergency mental health hospitals multiple times and when asked if I’m suicidal and I say yes they ask if I have a plan and I say no they say to call a helpline and to leave. Thing is last time I didn’t have a plan either and just did it impulsively. Like I’ve left wanting to jump in front of a car and the motorway is only a 15 minute walk from there. It’s like you have to say the magical words if “plan” to be taken seriously and even when I have they still let me walk out?\n\nAnd every time Ive an appointment im left waiting an hour and a half after it’s scheduled. And my most recent appointment I was told my next appointment is 4 months away and was basically told that they can’t do anything for me and to go to my gp for my prescription from now on?\n\nIs all of this above board like? Idk I’m at widths end I’ve no hope I’m sorry this is so long I don’t blame yous for not reading it probably won’t get a reply. Think I’ll leave the HSE a formal complaint but I couldn’t really be arsed, no energy.\n" ] }, { "feature_id": 9014, "label": "The feature represents the use of expressive or cathartic journaling as a coping mechanism for emotional regulation.", "pearson_r": 0.5791903007880811, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.005731571405827097, "mean_pos": 2.8888907432556152, "top_texts": [ "I wish I were more help with your question, but it’s personal for each person. And really what’s the harm of writing in notes and a journal? Puts it into the universe twice at that!", "**Other than that, I suggest a junk/anger journal**. Just something to scribble on/rip up/throw up all your emotions into. It doesn’t have to be aesthetic or anything, it’s merely for letting frustration out.", "But for other ways I say music and making a junk journal. A journal you can just rip up, burn, scribble in, write, cry into. I have one, and it helps sometimes." ] }, { "feature_id": 9559, "label": "The feature represents the experience of executive dysfunction and anxiety specifically related to managing digital communication and email overload.", "pearson_r": 0.371029329140523, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.00548138376509655, "mean_pos": 2.996922254562378, "top_texts": [ "Prioritizing emails... could use some help. So I'm 33, have a graduate degree, and work in my field as a project manager and technical expert on deployment of HR systems for a consulting firm. My work is maybe 60% client facing/40% internal work.\n\nI get a lot of emails every day. Sometimes upwards of 150. They span all levels of urgency and importance. \n\nI'm having a lot of trouble is with \"losing track\" of important emails. They'll be from important people and broad enough to bed some time and effort to answer. I'll highlight them as important, and experience a ton of anxiety over not having done them yet. \n\nI end up triaging other work issues or rushing from meeting to meeting until I'm finally late to respond to the email. Sometimes I think anxiety over the overdue email makes me push it off longer.\n\nI know this is something my colleagues find frustrating. I find it incredibly frustrating as well.\n\nI've been telling myself to \"be better at responding to emails,\" but based on feedback I got today I have not made any headway.\n\nAny tips or tricks for dealing this this sort of prioritization/anxiety challenge?", "Chrome extension tip: scheduled emails! A couple weeks ago I was writing an email to someone asking for something too happen today. I knew that I wouldn't remember to send the email today, and that they probably wouldn't remember to do it if I emailed them two weeks ago, but I hoped that sending them the email would increase the odds that one of us remembered. \n\nAnyway, I realised that scheduling the email to send later would be a much better solution. \n\nI found the cloudHQ extension that will do exactly that. It has made a lot of things a lot easier. I can write emails when I'm thinking about them, and have them sent when it's actually time for action. There's several other options for email scheduling, so just do a search and pick one. The one I chose is pretty easy to use. It puts an alarm clock button right next to the send button, and you can either pick a day and time, or use one of the predefined future times.", "I've started unsubscribing from emails and my inbox isn't drowning me so much I've seen people suggest unsubscribing from emails you don't read to stop your inbox getting so full... but it always just seems to much easier to do a bulk delete when I get a few spare moments. After all... you never know when I MIGHT want one of those emails. \n\n\n But the other day I decided to take the time to actually unsubscribe from ones I knew I wasn't going to miss. And instead of getting about 30-50 new emails a day I'm getting maybe 10? And I'm still continuing to unsubscribe from ones as they come in. \n\n\n I'm back at uni now, and it's so much more important to keep my inbox clear because I'm organising placements and other important things. When my inbox gets too full I just ignore it and start avoiding checking even when I know there should be something important. So yeah.. if you've read the tip before I'm just going to add another recommendation that it's worth giving a try. \n\n\n TL;DR If you like to keep your inbox at 0 unread messages, try unsubscribing before you delete emails." ] }, { "feature_id": 9750, "label": "The feature detects themes of paranoia, external threats, and morbid or violent ideation.", "pearson_r": 0.6108409080825219, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.005390406441194533, "mean_pos": 3.0283265113830566, "top_texts": [ "Die Pillen sollen Jahre lang wirken und bei Raumtemperatur gelagert werden können da sie Gefriertrocknet wurden.", "Det må hårdt at tro man lever i så ond en verden at alle er ude på at narre en. Det er da helt synd for dig lille ven.", "Well, in your current state you're safe. But outside there's all kinds of things happening that make you feel unsafe...you know, stuff like people." ] }, { "feature_id": 7734, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of creative pursuits, professional motivation, and the struggle to maintain productivity while managing mental health challenges.", "pearson_r": 0.39029124492345935, "pred_f1": 0.6363636363636364, "freq": 0.00579980439875361, "mean_pos": 2.8098156452178955, "top_texts": [ "If you're stuck and too anxious to move just know that you are always making progress. It's okay to do it in your own way. I'm so grateful to this sub- it was really amazing to see that I wasn't alone in this. Reading other's struggles and accomplishments inspired me beyond belief. So I hope that if you're reading this you can find your own inspiration.", "> couldnt even make it as an online artist selling my hypomanic crafts (im also bipolar type two depressive btw) because the moment it became about money, the motivation left and existential dread set in.\n\nI know exactly how that is. I tend to crumble and freeze up, more broadly, when I'm *expected* or *need* to do something, which is why when my conditions all set in by the age of 20 I had to drop out of university--it just became totally impossible. I think that, unfortunately/paradoxically, I'm *creating* a similar external pressure for myself--one that isn't about money but still evokes much existential dread--by feeling the time pressure and that it's my intended destiny to contribute to the world through my independent creative/intellectual work, which results in not getting much of it done. It's another paradox of many in my whole being that I'm not effectively self-motivated, but at the same time, any pressure or expectations can paralyze me. So I get where you're coming from. I'm glad that (due to a congenital medical condition I got treated relatively early, and the circumstances of my hypermarginalized sexual orientation) I don't and can't have a child. \n\n> Its a constant struggle to find self worth and feel like im even worth the air i breathe, let alone the other precious resources i consume.\n\nDitto. I know I have certain advantages and abilities/talents, but if I can't actualize them in a way that makes some somewhat lasting mark on the world, it will have all been for naught, my whole existence, I fear.\n\n> Youre not alone\n\nThank you. I really hope things somehow improve for you.", "Kindof adjacent to that I spent years believing that my friends and family were reporting my behavior to God who was training me to become a religious emperor.\n\nI made it my mission in life to tell absolutely nobody in case they were in on it and to act as normal as humanly possible to try to stay off God's radar. It also kept me out of the psych ward when I definitely should have went." ] }, { "feature_id": 5838, "label": "The feature represents the experience of frustration, helplessness, or anxiety associated with being stuck in a state of waiting for external services, people, or professional help.", "pearson_r": 0.4158268770038134, "pred_f1": 0.5, "freq": 0.005390406441194533, "mean_pos": 3.0200226306915283, "top_texts": [ "Is there a doctor in the house? So it's been 3 years on the waiting list in eastern Ontario for a doctor. Never should have paid attention to the let's talk campaign and all the other crap these normies tell themselves to artificially reinforce their value systems.... value systems they clearly don't understand.", "What do you love doing? (PLEASE EXCUSE MY AWFUL ENGLISH IM CROATIAN)Does anyone just like waitning for the night to go for an example skating,go play basketball,anything like that feel free to comment", "Waiting on FP... Does anyone make plans with their favorite person and end up waiting not really doing anything even if its hours.. Usually they'll say it'll be a bit but ends up taking forever and I find myself just waiting.. The more time passes the worse I feel too. I still kind of do stuff but it's like whats on the top of my mind is our plans. Thinking ohh we're going do stuff soon constantly. I only do this with them, if it's a friend I don't really care and do stuff in between." ] }, { "feature_id": 8923, "label": "The feature represents the theme of navigating interpersonal relationship dynamics, specifically involving ex-partners or bureaucratic interactions with authority figures.", "pearson_r": 0.5881413960604219, "pred_f1": 0.7619047619047619, "freq": 0.0055041280960720545, "mean_pos": 2.9274075031280518, "top_texts": [ "I do encourage those to are denied to file for appeal as it's possible a record really would have helped didn't come through, or a new examiner will have a different opinion. But I just wanted to say that we're not required to deny people the first time or to have a certain number of denials. ", "As a disability examiner it is absolutely not true that everyone is denied the first time ", "I once sent my ex over 300 texts, called him like 20 something times, and left 12 voicemails 😅 (this was while we were together)" ] }, { "feature_id": 2224, "label": "The distinction between Bipolar mania and BPD-related euphoria.", "pearson_r": 0.4878439149168454, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.005617849750949576, "mean_pos": 2.8610451221466064, "top_texts": [ "no people with bpd don't experience anything like mania, we experience a boat of euphoria but it's nothing like mania", "Yeah mania makes me feel like I’m doing coke or smth. I felt high, erratic and skittish, paranoid, felt like a god", "Well, you just explained perfectly how I experience myself. I just need to see if I experience the same as you regarding the unexplainable anxiety/panic attacks: Everybody I've talked to have said anxiety/panic attacks doesn't make any sense for me to have, as I'm far from a worried or stressed person. Every panic attack I've had, I've \"seen\" from the outside of myself. My body reacts, goes into severe panic mode, but my brain is perfectly still and I observe the whole thing. I've never once had a million thoughts racing in 900 km/h. Do you recognize this, or is it different for you?" ] }, { "feature_id": 7684, "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding institutional, academic, or professional leave and the navigation of formal support systems.", "pearson_r": 0.5862068965517241, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.005526872427047558, "mean_pos": 2.906920909881592, "top_texts": [ "How long have you been there? You may be able to take a short term disability leave of absence, yes for mental health. Do you have. A health care provider, therapist? Short term disability is also usually a paid leave BUT only at about 60% of your wages. Something to consider and maybe talk to HR about? It may buy you some time, to relax, take some time for you and see about a different job.", "Is short term disability an option? At least then you’d still get paid (maybe 60-70% of wages) and get some time off to recoup.", "Are you sure he isn't sick or in the hospital? Idk, it seems very out of character to not even reply to the second email. Can you call his office and find out? I personally would *try* to go to your next session despite how wounded and angry you feel. I think he at least needs to know how this has affected you." ] }, { "feature_id": 9453, "label": "The feature represents the experience of internal and external pressure to perform or maintain control, often leading to feelings of resentment or burnout.", "pearson_r": 0.6412898875901573, "pred_f1": 0.8333333333333334, "freq": 0.005344917779243523, "mean_pos": 3.003135919570923, "top_texts": [ "Because I have to stay in control. Because I said I would. Because people are counting on me. And that pressure, that constant need to hold it together is breaking me more than the silence ever did.", "And with cutting things out, honestly not having responsibilities for a season was really good for me. ", "very true. I think I’ve taken protecting the field?? As my moral obligation or something which sounds a bit insane now that I talk it out. It isn’t up to me. Thanks for your help :)" ] }, { "feature_id": 2248, "label": "The feature represents a state of existential despair or overwhelming emotional distress characterized by a sense of hopelessness and personal burnout.", "pearson_r": 0.5675507662640257, "pred_f1": 0.8695652173913043, "freq": 0.00548138376509655, "mean_pos": 2.9277713298797607, "top_texts": [ "I do get strength from knowing that one day it will be over regardless and that idea also gives me comfort.", "I am suffering from serious burnout in law school and I don't know what to do For a long time I was a hermit with PTSD/agoraphobia/alcoholism and didn't leave the house for 5-ish years. I got my shit together eventually and at at 26 I started law school. Since then I have pushed my body and mind incredibly hard because I've wanted to prove to the world that I'm not a complete fuck up. I've been successful too - multiple first and second place awards in my subjects, multiple scholarships, and a resume that most students would probably be jealous of.\n\nMy health has been slowly deteriorating the past two years (high anxiety and panic) and now entering my third year I have little motivation to do anything. The pandemic is a convenient excuse for me to never get out of bed. I dropped my study to part time and am still struggling to complete my coursework (yet still stressing a lot about it). I am working the least amount possible at my job. I can barely sleep. I just watch youtube and netflix and binge eat and maladaptive daydream all day.\n\nNothing makes me happy and I don't know what I should do. Defer? I have a psychologist but it takes weeks to get an appointment. I saw a psychiatrist and have started valdoxan but I know it's quite mild (and mostly for my sleep issues). I feel pretty hopeless.\n\nAny advice would be appreciated, thanks.", "Just like every other day in the past two fucking years. Fucking end me. \nhttps://reddit.com/r/u_AnarchistPermavirgin/comments/8akap0/god_today_sucks/" ] }, { "feature_id": 4356, "label": "The feature captures the theme of maladaptive narrative construction, including confabulation, dissociative daydreaming, and the fabrication of social reality.", "pearson_r": 0.5846706445609151, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.0055951054199740715, "mean_pos": 2.8507916927337646, "top_texts": [ "Walt is an unreliable narrator, he actually shot his load in Janes mouth and that’s how she choked to death. This was supposed to be revealed in Breaking Bad season 6 before it was canceled because Walt went psycho and fucking shot everyone to death with a machine gun installed in the trunk of a car and accidentally died in the process.", "When I first started day dreaming I used to be so good at it. Dreaming in first person came naturally to me. I could hear the dream, feel it, smell it, taste it, etc. it was amazing. But 4 years later it’s like my brain stopped working and now the best I can do is 3rd person (which makes the day dreams janky, unrealistic, and kinda hurts my head). It’s like I’m dreaming for someone else, not myself.", "What's your story? My best friend left me for his girlfriend-\n\nMy girlfriend cheated on me-\n\nMy second girlfriend cheated on me-\n\nMy first girlfriend came back and cheated again-\n\nMy second best friend left me (again)-\n\nWhat's your story?" ] }, { "feature_id": 9346, "label": "The feature represents the experience of acute material deprivation, homelessness, and food insecurity.", "pearson_r": 0.4819315973414993, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.005140218800463984, "mean_pos": 3.0557191371917725, "top_texts": [ "I'm living in my car right now which sucks because the radiator just got a hole in it and now I can't keep the AC on at night. I'm working a full time job but I'm not making enough to rent an apartment or even a hotel. What I need is some food. Something portable that won't need refrigeration. I'm former Army so I'm used to MRE's but I don't have anywhere local to get them.", "[Recipe] Depressed Grilled Cheese Sandwich For this recipe, you'll need a few ingredients.\n\n1. The willpower to get out of bed.\n\n2. Two slices of bread. Make sure and thaw the bread out first, since you only go grocery shopping every 2-4 weeks and stockpile things in your freezer.\n\n3. Two slices of cheese.\n\n4. Toaster that you've had since 1996\n\nTake one slice of bread and place a slice of cheese on it. Fold it in half and smush it real flat. Do this with the other slice of bread and cheese. Place each half-sandwich in its own slot in the toaster and set the toaster to a medium golden brown usual setting.\n\nGrats, you now have enough nutrition to last you half a day or so, or longer if you can manage to just go back to sleep and sleep for a long time. Remember, you're not lazy, you're just conserving your energy and resources, which is good for the environment.\n\nIf anyone has any recommendations for improvement to this recipe, just keep it to yourself. Simplicity is our best friend.", "I'm new to living in my car. Very limited access to cooking and can't afford ice. The basis of my diet is whole wheat bread. I eat it with peanut butter and honey/jam, canned tuna, and vegetable/bean/lentil soups. I often eat canned peaches, mandarin oranges, green beans, corn, and white/pinto beans." ] }, { "feature_id": 312, "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding the intergenerational transmission of trauma and the impact of dysfunctional family dynamics on personal development.", "pearson_r": 0.3551436217371688, "pred_f1": 0.5, "freq": 0.005458639434121045, "mean_pos": 2.8709263801574707, "top_texts": [ "I think Kendall’s concerned look when she announced her divorce was honest and telling: Kendall’s inability to form healthy attachments reflects Logan’s treatment of him & others, and I’m sure it pains him to see that Shiv, like himself, is following the same path.", "I have been in your boat thus far. All of the kids are irrevocably damaged by their association with Logan and consistently lean into the worst parts of themselves. However, I think Kendall's grown a lot throughout the series, and we saw that at Connor's Wedding. He said \"I love you,\" and meant it. The self-loathing is there, but I don't think it's the only source of Kendall's tendency toward introspection. He seems to have a heart; a heart that he steels when he needs to, but a heart nonetheless. And I think a detox from the Roy environment might be enough to rehabilitate him into the man he could be. Unfortunately, his greed and messiah complex might be the death of his integrity.", "I got ADHD, depression, and probably c-PTSD. It’s not just the disabilities. It’s the child abuse, spousal abuse, and frequent relocations. Now I’m a wreck. \n\nI’m in therapy and getting psychological testing. I’m sure I’ll get more diagnosis. For the last 20 years, my spouse has been the breadwinner of the family. I’ve taken care of the domestic duties and worked part-time jobs here and there.\n\nNow we are getting divorced. I’m 50, and not prepared to support myself. My spouse will be paying support but I would prefer to be on social security disability. So I’m going to make a third and final attempt to get it. This time I have a medical care team and detailed diagnosis in my corner" ] }, { "feature_id": 623, "label": "The feature represents the use of metaphorical, poetic, or philosophical framing to express existential distress and identity-related suffering.", "pearson_r": 0.5923252169816406, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.005026497145586463, "mean_pos": 3.1052396297454834, "top_texts": [ "La sofferenza causata da un disturbo fisico non ha nulla a che vedere con un disturbo di personalità di tipo dismorfofobico.", "Per quanto su qualsiasi argomento io e Matt Walsh saremmo in disaccordo, In quel documentario non c'è nulla relativo alla disforia.", "Oooh, I love the last line! Reminds me of that saying about the dog not knowing why they bite... well, I know why I bite. Beautiful work." ] }, { "feature_id": 9321, "label": "The feature represents intense, all-consuming psychological states characterized by hyperfocus, immersion, or physiological over-arousal.", "pearson_r": 0.46868380853309916, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.0055041280960720545, "mean_pos": 2.828747034072876, "top_texts": [ "Does anyone else go into all or nothing mode? For example everything I do in life I’m either full steam ahead or I’m not. I don’t have a middle ground and I’m wondering if this is common\n\nSome examples:\n\nI went vegan 10 months ago and I went full force and became heavily involved with activism to the point I pushed everyone who wasn’t vegan away from me. \n\nIf I’m loosing weight I will do it 150% or give up completely. \n\nI rescued a hamster, did all my research and became obsessed with the correct care to the point I pissed people off. Everything in my life was about hamsters. This is the same with my bearded dragon.\n\nIt’s like a switch that I can’t control and many people have told me I have no middle ground.", "Anyone else get too immersed in games/movies? TW: Movies, reality.. Possible delusions. Putting this just in case.\n\nIt's really difficult for me at times to watch certain movies or play certain games, because I get too immersed. Like for an example, if I were to watch a Harry Potter movie. I'm not just watching; I'm THERE. I become a part of that world. I'm in the school. I'm a fellow wizard. I feel the sheer panic that the other characters feel whenever something bad happens. Likewise, I feel their same joy. It's kinda nice sometimes, because I've never felt that feeling within my own reality/the real world. But at the same time I know it's crazy. I KNOW it's not real and that they're simply actors. Anyone else?", "Constant Fight or Flight mode \n\nHi guys, \n\ndoes anybody ever feel like they're on the verge of a panic attack? Like you can feel your heart beat really fast and its incredibly hard to sit still. It's like being in a constant Fight or Flight mode, but its not a full blown panic attack. I do get this every so often and unlike a panic attack, this feeling tends to stay for a while. I'm sure some ppl also have longer lasting panic attacks, but luckily for me, this is not the case. But being in \"Fight or Flight mode\" (just calling it that for a lack of a better term) can last hours or even days at the time. \n\nIt'd be great to know that I'm not the only one feeling like this, and if anybody has any ideas on how to get out of this \"Fight or Flight mode\" I'd really appreciate if you could share.\n\nI already tried some breathing exercises, which tends to help when I'm having a panic attack, but unfortunately, while it does provide a short-term release, it does not calm me down enough an as soon as I stop the \"Fight or Flight mode\" is back. " ] }, { "feature_id": 7573, "label": "The feature represents the distinction between internal and external auditory hallucinations.", "pearson_r": 0.4227449165816562, "pred_f1": 0.0, "freq": 0.00511747446948848, "mean_pos": 3.025684356689453, "top_texts": [ "Started with inner, eventually became outer. I still get both.\n\nEdit: for example, God is external, narrator is internal. The rest go back and forth.", "I experience both. Internal is more common for me, but I get some external as well. As long as they carry the same weight/salience as an external stimuli they could still be counted as a hallucination.", "I could go on but you get the gist. It created a lot of positive change for me internally, and some negative change externally. " ] }, { "feature_id": 3640, "label": "The feature represents the strategic navigation of social dynamics, interpersonal reinforcement, and behavioral adaptation.", "pearson_r": 0.365605363520503, "pred_f1": 0.6956521739130435, "freq": 0.005390406441194533, "mean_pos": 2.8333518505096436, "top_texts": [ "Let's stick with nonviolent punishments. Negative and positive reinforcement is always better when teaching kids to do something", "I relate alot to needing constant reassurance, but it's not about guilt. Similar behaviors but completely different reasons is what it sounds like to me", "I consider two things: what is the social reward for changing to the \"normal\" behaviour in public, and how difficult is it to implement convincingly? If it's easy to implement and helps socially, I find it worth the effort. \n\nPerhaps it might be easier for you to make one or two changes at a time in order to gauge your own feelings as well as the reactions of others." ] }, { "feature_id": 9500, "label": "The feature represents the process and uncertainty surrounding clinical diagnostic testing for mental health conditions.", "pearson_r": 0.6600270839034852, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.005162963131439489, "mean_pos": 2.9229698181152344, "top_texts": [ "I was tested for depression and they said that I passed the test I was distracted and didn't hear what my doctor said do I have depression or not? [extra context below⬇️] My doctor said, \"the results were a pass, which is normal for a kid in your situation\" (divorced parents and other things that i'd rather not share online.", "Kaiser ADHD test results normal.. Basically, I am a 20 year old college student that got referred to get tested for ADHD. I met with a psychiatrist at Kaiser and she suspected that I had ADHD and transferred me to another psychiatrist to have me take a test for it. I never thought about me having ADHD or anything a long those lines until my psychiatrist talked to me about it and it explained a lot of stuff that I had issues with. \n\nThe test consisted of a computer program where I had to press the space bar every time X came onto the screen. Then I filled out a test packet that asked a bunch of questions. I never had a conversation past the instructions with the psychiatrist that was testing me. I got a phone call today that my test results came back normal to slightly above normal, claiming that I don't have ADHD.\n\nHonestly, I am 100% confident that I do have. Just talking to my first psychiatrist and telling her my problems, she suspected it off the bat that I had it. Looking into it more, like this subreddit, I finally figured out why I do certain stuff and things happen to me. I learned that Kaiser isn't the best regarding mental health, but I am covered under my parents insurance so it's my only real option. \n\nI've contacted the first psychiatrist again hoping to talk to her and see what can be done. I just worry that she is going to say that the test results came back normal and there's nothing more they are going to do. I guess, I wondering if anyone else been in this situation? If so could give some insight and some help on how to proceed. ", "Yes I had no idea at the time why they were testing me. It was basically just questions about you and different life situations and you rate on a scale how they affect you." ] }, { "feature_id": 6829, "label": "The feature represents systemic inadequacy, resource scarcity, and clinical or pharmacological analysis.", "pearson_r": 0.3856149436398494, "pred_f1": 0.631578947368421, "freq": 0.005094730138512976, "mean_pos": 2.9586021900177, "top_texts": [ "Der er ikke resourcer nok og hele systemet er fucked up.", "I mean. Google was just an example. My main issue is the amount of research bpd has recieved vs the lack of resources in general for other pds.", "We have thousands and don't posses the strength to keep at it unfortunately" ] }, { "feature_id": 2203, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of personal life history, specific external stressors, and the developmental challenges of navigating adulthood while managing chronic mental or physical health conditions.", "pearson_r": 0.46393162128695653, "pred_f1": 0.72, "freq": 0.005458639434121045, "mean_pos": 2.7608678340911865, "top_texts": [ "How do I cope with this specific depressive trigger? Background info: one of the big factors for my depression was getting too attached to a girl I liked. Ofcourse she ended finding a boyfriend and I broke down (other factors were also involved)\nIt has now been 1,5 years since then. Her and I are very good friends and I have more or less accepted that she is not interested in me romanticaly. \nHowever, her boyfriend is still a massive depressive trigger for me. Last time I saw them together it affected me so much I almost couldn’t come back from it. \nNow I have just been invited to her birthday party, where he will be attending. I considered not attending, however she told me that she want me there, as I am one of her best friends. Do any of you have some advice on how I can survive that party?\nMany thanks in advance", "The idea of going inpatient has always terrified me. Being away from my loved ones in a strange environment for who knows how long… being involuntarily submitted would be even worse.", "I (26f) have a partner (23nb), Em, who has misophonia. I'm a metalworker by trade and I worked as a migrant farmworker in Germany for a few years in my youth, through which I developed some eating habits that really disturb Em." ] }, { "feature_id": 3147, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of personal mental health struggles with external sociopolitical stressors and public discourse.", "pearson_r": 0.4179457339679012, "pred_f1": 0.5882352941176471, "freq": 0.005003752814610958, "mean_pos": 3.0111451148986816, "top_texts": [ "I am not judging the man, but this villainization of her just because of a legal disagreement that can be settled in court easily, with a person of the same wealth and legal standing as them, is not shitty/disgusting. It's a legal dispute. The way people are trying to frame it as her abusing a disabled, old, fragile veteran is just nasty. If she were to sue a random old middle class disabled man with no family left, I'd agree. In this case, this sounds like they are just trying to garner public support like the nuns did to win a legal dispute. The provided source being a military newspaper shows obvious bias too. Them highlighting that Huntington's has psychiatric symptoms is just the icing on the cake, like yes, it's an awful disease with a bad effect on memory, impulses, and devolves into dementia, if your loved one is in such state, put them in a conservatorship or get POA granted!! These laws and legal processes literally exist for cases like this...", "I make a good living and only want to get on with life. Plus I know filing a claim at the VA is humiliating and I don’t want to go though what others I fear have. Thanks for listening. I posted this as there was a guy on the foxnews site dogging people with fake PTSD because his son served in combat and is fine. Mike", "I go to the VA and I see people who need it more than me. I make a good living and only want to get on with life. Plus I know filing a claim at the VA is humiliating and I don’t want to go though what others I fear have. Thanks for listening. I posted this as there was a guy on the foxnews site dogging people with fake PTSD because his son served in combat and is fine." ] }, { "feature_id": 256, "label": "The theme is the influence of childhood upbringing and parental environment on adult psychological development and personality traits.", "pearson_r": 0.36190242083127167, "pred_f1": 0.631578947368421, "freq": 0.005322173448268019, "mean_pos": 2.830404281616211, "top_texts": [ "Can symptoms of ADHD be overshadowed by upbringing? I know of diagnosed individuals who had fidgety hands or legs that would get beat every time they exhibited it (crazy catholic teachers). These individuals are now as stiff as rocks. \n\nI grew up with someone who has ADHD and impulse issues. He was impulsive about everything but his money. His dad was extremely frugal and would always scold him for spending money. \n\n\nSo i guess my question is can effects of ADHD be almost overwritten by how one is raised? Not that I think beating kids for moving too much is a solution of course. Just curious", "It’s amazing how one good person in your life, someone to ground you and show you how to handle things can really change someone. Considering how bad my upbringing was from just the shit I saw and observed having someone who actually cared about me is probably what saved me from developing into a full blown psychopath. As much as I struggled early in my adult life I thankfully got myself together enough to function enough to live a peaceful existence", "The very first case that mentally fucked me up during my intro to true crime" ] }, { "feature_id": 1258, "label": "The feature identifies expressions of immediate social isolation, loneliness, or the urgent need for housing and companionship.", "pearson_r": 0.447459182336425, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.00511747446948848, "mean_pos": 2.9329519271850586, "top_texts": [ "Ihan sama päti vielä kun synnyin 1993 savoon 10 000 asukkaan Pieksämäkeen. Vain romanit vitutti. Tummaihoiset oli kavereita kun olin itse koulukiusattu ja syrjitty ihminen. :D", "I feel all of that. I'm already in the bed on a Saturday night so you can tell my calendar is slam full of excitement.", "Help me network, help me find a room, please! ISO a room for rent as soon as possible. Looking for a roommate-type situation, a room in someone's house, etc. Not looking for full houses or units. I need as soon as possible--I'm dealing with an emergency situation and am losing my housing on Friday, August 11th." ] }, { "feature_id": 3762, "label": "The feature represents a state of profound self-doubt, identity confusion, and a desperate plea for external validation or reassurance.", "pearson_r": 0.4616577733024864, "pred_f1": 0.7, "freq": 0.005276684786317011, "mean_pos": 2.8439271450042725, "top_texts": [ "Don't give up because some guy who claims to be a trainer gave you bad advice and has his head up his butt. You're already doing really well.", "I know it well. People asking me what I want when my default is always to say whatever I know they will want so when I try and decide for myself, I simply don’t know what I want or like for that matter. Poor Siri is often the one who decides for me when I ask her to flip a coin.", "Just humbly looking for a kind word today Hey, you know sometimes when you just need to hear positive affirmations and that people care about you? Today is definitely one of those days because I feel like a worthless POS. \n\nI have moderate to severe depression with crippling anxiety. Comes and goes in waves and I’m extremely influenced by the actions of others, intentional or not, they are my triggers. \n\nExample: someone intentionally ignoring your messages and not responding ( might not be a big deal to others but to me that sends me spiraling in to anxiety and overthinking worse case scenario )\n\nOr if someone doesn’t follow through on what they said they where going to do. \n\nOr if someone says something to me in s certain way, I usually take it up the wrong way and again, triggers my anxiety. \n\nI’m on medication ( SSRI, Xanax ) have went to therapy, have tried all the self help stuff and none of us works :-(\n\nI don’t have direct suicidal thoughts, I don’t think I’d ever take my own life, but I do have thoughts sometimes of “ it would be easier if I could just go away “\n\n:-(" ] }, { "feature_id": 4039, "label": "The feature identifies analytical or speculative reasoning regarding the etiology, diagnosis, or management of personal health conditions.", "pearson_r": 0.40718715755934326, "pred_f1": 0.7272727272727273, "freq": 0.005253940455341506, "mean_pos": 2.829820156097412, "top_texts": [ "the chemical balance theory is all bs to begin with anyways. It was a hypothesis in the 70s that has never been proven true, but pharma companies have ran with it", "I’d say yes. This occurs to me too and I’ve picked up that it depends on what swing I’m on. But yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s cyclothymia related", "Link between large tonsils/snoring and ADD in children? My 9 y.o. shows signs of ADD (not hyperactivity) in that she is very bright but VERY \"spacey\". She loses her belongings very easily, rushes through school assignments, has a hard time following simple instructions at home, is a poor listener when given tasks to accomplish, and is highly disorganized.\n\nIn addition, she gets 10 - 11 hours of sleep each night yet is often tired with dark circles under her eyes. Physically, she doesn't have a lot of energy and is not very interested in sports. For example, I took her out of swimming lessons because it was too difficult for her to follow the Instructors directions and got very tired in comparison to her peers, She is healthy weight and height for her age. \n\nShe has huge tonsils (always has) and I have regularly heard her snoring at night but I have never noticed that her breathing stops or that she is struggling to catch her breath (sleep apnea). I am not looking for a diagnosis here, not looking for any medical advice, but I wondered if anyone in this forum can relate to this (disordered sleep/snoring) as a cause for your (or your child's) ADHD/ADD? I will be making an appointment with our GP to discuss all this." ] }, { "feature_id": 6041, "label": "The feature represents the experience of navigating specific, external life stressors or interpersonal conflicts.", "pearson_r": 0.5108427684025951, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.005162963131439489, "mean_pos": 2.878933906555176, "top_texts": [ "How to tell my parents that I might be fired from my first job out of college? So I might be fired on Tuesday. I work at a small daily newspaper, and the number of articles I put out is below par (I'm supposed to put out at least 7 per week, and I average 4).\n\nMy supervisor really likes me as a person, and says my other coworkers (two total, that's how small this operation is) like me as well. He said our business manager wanted to speak with him about my issues, and my boss isn't sure what will come of that.\n\nMy question is, how do I tell my parents about this? This is my first job out of college, and I've been here three months. They're always telling me and everyone who will listen about how proud they and how much they like seeing my articles.\n\nAlso: today's my birthday. Happy birthday to me, I guess", "How to overcome PTSD when people resemble my attackers? I was robbed outside my parents house at gunpoint ~4 years ago. Anytime I see someone that dresses/acts like my attackers (baggy clothes, gang related tattoos, hoodies or clothes that help them easily cover their face, doesn’t appear to have somewhere to be, etc), I get extreme anxiety (sweaty palms, heart thumping, etc)\n\nWhen it first happened I was traumatized & my mom & sis would just tell me to “get over it” so I tried and now 4 years later I’m still learning to acknowledge my own feelings so I can move on finally.\n\nI live in areas where people sometimes look like my attackers. My brain subconsciously stereotypes & I get super stressed even if I know I’m safe.\n\nHow do I overcome this?", "Keep living out of pure, furious spite. Survive this part of your life, get through all the abuse until the day you can get out of your situation and leave them knowing that you're stronger than them, that they didn't beat you, that they didn't win. Leave and continue your life knowing that you can do what they cant; adapt, heal, change, and be kind.\n Plan for your future and start preparing for it; save money, get all your important documents and information safe, so when you get your chance to get out, you wont be left helpless or have to deal with the fear of being forced back into that situation." ] }, { "feature_id": 671, "label": "The feature represents the struggle with sustained motivation, goal-directed behavior, and the cyclical nature of personal engagement.", "pearson_r": 0.512496690944905, "pred_f1": 0.7619047619047619, "freq": 0.005094730138512976, "mean_pos": 2.8827879428863525, "top_texts": [ "Will anything ever be enough? I keep chasing goals and even after I achieve them I don’t feel achievement or anything at all, my life has gotten better but I don’t feel any better ", "Question: I often get really really into new hobbies. I'll get hyper focused on a hobby. I'll go from forum to forum, to web page to web page about them, and then it'll fade. It'll still be interesting to me, but it won't be enough to motivate me to work on it. Does anyone else experience this?\n\nThis is why I have no hobbies that I've perfected. I get to a point where I'm good at it, and then I lose interest and stop.\n\nFor example, over the period of a few months, I studied a ton about perfumery. Even went as far as making some custom fragrances. And then the feeling just faded away.\n\nIt's been the same chain of events for so many hobbies. ", "Why can I follow my goals for a few weeks and then have a period where everything falls into chaos? For a couple of weeks I managed to keep things clean, everything was going smoothly, bedroom was spotless, was following one habit I set out to do, but then something happens, I don't know what.. and I become lazy and unconscientious, is this normal? How can I begin to fix it?" ] }, { "feature_id": 7276, "label": "The feature represents the internal conflict and uncertainty regarding the interpretation of one's own or others' emotional states and social boundaries.", "pearson_r": 0.5924571583335749, "pred_f1": 0.7692307692307693, "freq": 0.005458639434121045, "mean_pos": 2.6836960315704346, "top_texts": [ "How do you if you're depressed? Title says it all, how do i know if im depressed or just plain sad all day?", "how do you let people know you still love them when you're having a bad day today I've just been in a big fuck off mood and just want to be left alone but I'm worried my family sees it as me being mad at them personally. i still love them i just don't wanna interact with anyone and I don't know how to communicate that to them since I'm too anxious to just be upfront and honest about it", "What are you supposed to do if you can't afford therapy in your area? I'm at a point where I need to speak with a professional. Every person I have looked at in my area so far offers sessions for $60-200 a session. I can afford that but it would put a strain on my family which I'm not willing to do. What other options are there for finding cognitive therapy or professional help? \n\n*US citizen" ] }, { "feature_id": 8967, "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding the clinical definition, experience, and manifestations of mania.", "pearson_r": 0.4194419890312513, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.0054131507721700365, "mean_pos": 2.695918321609497, "top_texts": [ "Fuck that. You, too, can conquer that mania and make it work for good. As a manic individual you know that mania can lead to great things. Don't believe what all those people say, you can be something great too.", "If a CT would ease your anxiety, then it's probably worth it, but they likely won't fix the headache itself.", "Sounds like mania but the answer is no I don’t get that" ] }, { "feature_id": 2801, "label": "The feature represents the perspective of providing external encouragement, professional guidance, or validating advice to others.", "pearson_r": 0.6427540750491786, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.005094730138512976, "mean_pos": 2.813110113143921, "top_texts": [ "I do encourage those to are denied to file for appeal as it's possible a record really would have helped didn't come through, or a new examiner will have a different opinion. But I just wanted to say that we're not required to deny people the first time or to have a certain number of denials. ", "As a disability examiner it is absolutely not true that everyone is denied the first time ", "Although this is a tough situation i think you should think of if as an opportunity to have a fresh start. " ] }, { "feature_id": 9684, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of pharmacological substance interactions and diagnostic uncertainty regarding stimulant use.", "pearson_r": 0.46438399735805513, "pred_f1": 0.5333333333333333, "freq": 0.005049241476561967, "mean_pos": 2.8203494548797607, "top_texts": [ "Is it safe to take decaf coffee and adderall? Legit question. Really killing for some coffee.", "Weaning off stimulants with other stimulants? Can you wean off caffeine with Adderall and vice versa?\n\nJust a roaming thought, as per the motions. But this one really intrigues me. Sure you'll be a drug dependant wreck but could it work?", "Does that include Mirtazapine? i am not actually sure what class is Mirtazapine, but i am pretty sure it's not SSRI" ] }, { "feature_id": 8487, "label": "The feature represents the cognitive reframing of neurodivergent traits or intense emotional states as personal strengths or \"superpowers.\"", "pearson_r": 0.4232731820292827, "pred_f1": 0.5333333333333333, "freq": 0.005003752814610958, "mean_pos": 2.8454861640930176, "top_texts": [ "\"I know you're afraid, but being afraid is alright, because didn't anybody ever tell you? Fear is a superpower. Fear can make you faster and cleverer and stronger. That's okay, because if you're very wise and very strong fear doesn't have to make you cruel or cowardly. Fear can make you kind\"", "ADHD Superpowers Hey friends! While adhd can hinder our efforts there are some parts of my adhd that I think give me an advantage (like a superpower). \nSome of mine are that I can see chaotic situations in slow motion, I can notice details and patterns others miss, I am interested in so many things i get along with a range of people. \nTell me some of yours! Remember adhd can be an advantage!! ", "A Family of ADHD-ers: An Observational Report of a Spectrum Disorder Through some twist of fate or perhaps design, my son, my partner, my stepdaughter and I all have ADHD. My son is not biologically related to my partner, and I'm obviously not related to my stepdaughter, so it's interested that it turned out this way. Despite our dysfunctions, we are a generally happy, healthy family unit. One thing I find most interesting is that while we share the same disorder, it manifests itself in vastly different ways. \n\n\n**Stepdaughter, 8 years old, ADHD-PH, unmedicated:** Conduct issues, including oppositional defiance, bordering on pathological. Has extreme bursts of creative stream of consciousness, sometimes followed by frustration when her endeavours don't turn out how she wants. Boundless energy. Absolutely cannot sit still when watching movies or TV. Has difficulty managing her emotions. Is nonetheless a largely traditional student and strives with routine and a traditional academic structure (I.e. explicit teacher instruction and positive peer group work). No apparent memory deficit. *ADHD superpower: Super-creativity and enthusiasm.*\n\n\n**Son, 10 years old, ADHD-PI, unmedicated:** Interrupts people a lot, talks a LOT, to the point of not noticing when people are just not into it or are too busy. Fixates on things, often learning everything he can about a subject he is excited about, then moves on just as quickly as he found it. He is a student that benefits from a lot of flexibility- his IEP allows for him to take plenty of breaks and his teachers have been great at accommodating his bursts of passionate interests in the general curriculum. Is reluctant to engage in and frustrated by new tasks and concepts that he doesn't find immediately interesting. Used to have a huge problem speaking out of turn or at inappropriate times in class, but that has improved greatly. No conduct issues. Mild memory issues. *ADHD Superpower: Acclimated self-control. He's the kind of kid that will deny himself candy because he had ice cream earlier, and who sets alarms so he won't forget to take a shower.*\n\n\n**Spouse, 28 year old male, ADHD-PI, medicated- vyvanse:** Is easily distressed by new developments. Everytime I inform him of something unpleasant that must be done, I can feel him lock up with stress. Can get lost in a video game wormhole for 6-10 hours. Terrible at remembering what chores must be done and needs to be reminded regularly of most of those responsibilities. Thrives with a routine, breaks down at deviations from said routine- thus making him an excellent worker. Also a traditional learner- apparently thrived in school when he was able to just listen to lectures, take notes and tests- independent projects and hands-on tasks were another story. Has zero sense of organization. Finds music with lyrics less appealing than instrumental compositions alone. Moderate memory issues. *ADHD Superpower: Hyper-responsibility and reliability.*\n\n\n**Myself, 28 year old female, ADHD-PI, medicated-dexedrine:** Severely impeded moderation and regulation- I'm either doing everything I can in a day or sitting on my ass doing absolutely nothing. A very non-traditional learner, usually unable to meet traditional academic standards and was better off with a modified curriculum and student support. Terrible at foreseeing or caring about the consequences of my actions in the moment. Prone to hyper focusing on the 'wrong' things while trying to prep for something productive or rewarding. Habitually late. Majorly disordered sleeping, to the point of taking medication every single night. Probably would thrive with a routine but find it hard to find/stick to one. Very much prone to sticking my foot in my mouth. Fairly clean and organized, head of household in that regard. *ADHD Superpower: Excellent/eidetic memory*\n\n" ] }, { "feature_id": 10056, "label": "The feature captures the experience of somatic symptoms, physical fatigue, and interpersonal conflict.", "pearson_r": 0.4278897493924015, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.005071985807537471, "mean_pos": 2.8055036067962646, "top_texts": [ "Does anyone ever feel physically too weak. Everyday I experience a rush of weakness or something. It’s hard to explain. I’m beginning to wonder if I have a medical condition or if it’s just my depression. At some point in the day I’ll randomly just feel incredibly fatigued but it’ll usually pass in a few minutes. Almost as if my brain and body are shutting off.", "Got into yet another pointless argument today Ok, I've just responded to a post from about 2 weeks ago but I wanted to repost it here to see if anyone else get into any stupid arguments easily:\n\nThis year ive been getting into WAAYYY more stupid fucking arguments than ever before (this year has been the breaking point of where I had to finally come to terms with the fact that I have depression).\n\nLike today, I was enjoying myself watching a sports game with my family and all of a sudden I get into an argument where they all ganged up on me (I knew I was right, but I just had difficulty expressing myself so they thought they had the leg up and just fully went in against me). I got pissed off, walked into the bathroom and have tried to avoid all contact with them ever since the incident 2 hrs ago.\n\nThe arguments I get into are never that important, but I get extremely angry and am much more prone to yelling in frustration. I just HATE it when someone tries to devalue my point of view and belittle me to a point where they think im just being stupid. Like, my intelligence is the ONE THING I have going for me, my studies have been the ONLY THING to distract me from my reality and have allowed me for the past 9+ years to not even consider the possibility that ive depressed for a long fucking time.\n\nI know this is extremely cocky, but I always think I'm in the right and that I'm a rational person. Thinking in this way is the only way for me to think that I offer anything to this world, that I can actually DO something with the academic knowledge I've gained over the years.\n\nWithout that, I'm nothing. I think that's why I've been getting into more arguments with my loved ones day in and day out, defending myself and my opinions coz if people think that I'm an idiot, then what the hell do I even have to offer in this world?\n\nAfter an argument with my family I'll always go to my current extreme of thinking that \"I should just pack up and leave rn and never come back\". I love them so much and I know they love me as well, I just always think after an argument that that'll be the best way to hurt them.", "She then said to me \"Am I not worth the effort because you don't want to fix this?\" after I told her I did not want to see her. There is plenty of other passive aggressive stuff that she says, but right now I'm so blinded by my disbelief I can't even tell if she is just being emotional or manipulative. What bothers me is this behavior happens every time we have gotten into a fight and then I have to apologize and make it right. tl;dr: Got into a fight with gf of 2 years since highschool - I've hit my breaking point." ] }, { "feature_id": 2704, "label": "The feature represents assertive, directive, or philosophical advice-giving regarding personal agency and interpersonal boundaries.", "pearson_r": 0.381505031901696, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.005276684786317011, "mean_pos": 2.6474356651306152, "top_texts": [ "Yes it will. You can delude yourself but dont do it to others please.", "Well, life in general it's just a thing, i don't need to be sure in any existence (including myself) as i don't view myself more than a void, i don't care if it's real, i don't care at all, as such this philosophy won't work for me...", "Tell her your boundaries , if it’s makes you uncomfortable then it can be a deal breaker and I wouldn’t say it will not but don’t suffer for others" ] }, { "feature_id": 1074, "label": "The feature represents the direct experience of suicidal ideation, attempts, or the immediate emotional impact of suicide on others.", "pearson_r": 0.43691718593454015, "pred_f1": 0.5882352941176471, "freq": 0.00511747446948848, "mean_pos": 2.7294602394104004, "top_texts": [ "But seriously, travel, take in the world, see everything. Don't give ignorance power, and don't allow anyone to steal your joy.", "Don't you dare. Today I discovered r/lastimages and the amount of people dying from suicide is too damn high. It isn't even about death itself... it's about the unbelievable love which shines through after a person passes. \n\nKeep telling yourself that no one cares. Keep lying to yourself while feeding your own egoism. People care... its just that the world doesn't always allow them to show it. Look at how people draw together in times of shared hardship. People lean on each other for support and faint signs of hope. Realizing someone's love for you, whether hidden or exposed, is a reason to try. By trying, you will never fail. \n\nGiving in, exposes a dangerous daisy chain of events which will ultimately impact someone's life to a point of no return. You know who they are.\n\nAs shitty as life is, we live for the the moment... that moment of love and compassion... of laughter and silliness... of connection and understanding. We live for ourselves and others. Matters of materialism hold no value here. In the end, it's simply us and we are the ultimate source of happiness. \n\nWhether you are seventeen or fifty eight, you have life to live. We haven't gotten a clue what accompanies tomorrow. Yet, tomorrow could be the day which shows a little spark of hope in your life that yields the beginnings of change. \n\nIt gets easier. You have to do it every day, but it gets easier. I was, and still am there some days. Although previously planned, I will not allow any circumstance to drain life away from me. We've got to keep going although there isn't a point. There does not have to be one. You've gotten this far, why not? \n\nThe world needs you. We need you. I need you. So carry on. ", "As someone with past suicide attempts, this would have the opposite effect on me. It's difficult to make suicide less attractive to someone in that mindset. If anything, that would add fuel to the fire. This person I care about thinks suicide is selfish > they think I'm selfish > they don't love me > I don't deserve love" ] } ]