[ { "feature_id": 11449, "label": "The feature represents the expression of active suicidal ideation and the intent to end one's life.", "pearson_r": 0.5611855024679157, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.23875313343156201, "mean_pos": 5.888186931610107, "top_texts": [ "Giving Up Not sure if I can keep doing this anymore. Life started shitting on me my senior year of high school (4 years ago) and I’ve been contemplating suicide ever since. I haven’t had the courage to do it until this year, but I’m at my end. \n\nEveryone expects my life to be glorious and perfect, and why shouldn’t it be? I’m a D1 athlete focusing on premedicine. But the stress has been killing me for years now, and trying to live up to everyone’s expectations and prove to them and myself that I’m worth it and not a complete waste is exhausting. Not to mention that I constantly have to stay on the good side of my narcissistic father who’s emotionally abusive and manipulates me to fit his perfect mold.\n\nI’ve managed to balance that for the most part, but this year was the one to bring it all together and drag me down. I thought that my best guy friend that I had been talking to for the past two years actually liked me. He made me really really happy for the first time in what felt like forever. But he initiated things between us just to end up using me, cheat on me with one of my teammates, and then drop me like I was worthless. And being the ever-forgiving person, I tried to stay friends with him, but now he’s pursuing that same teammate and I don’t know if I can handle watching that all play out because that shit hurts. On top of that, my grandpa, who was one of my biggest supporters in my life was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer this past summer and then passed away recently. Life just keeps throwing punches my way and I keep getting beaten down.\n\nI just feel so worthless all the time and I feel like I don’t really have anything to live for. I have horrible self-esteem and I just recently learned that I have BPD, and after doing intense research on it, apparently makes me a manipulative, dramatic monster.\n\nI don’t know if I can keep this effort up. I just want to end all this pain. It doesn’t really matter if I fulfill my goals if I’m dead. Life is constant pain and I think I’m going to end it soon.", "life sucks and there's nothing i can do to change it im near the point of trying to commit suicide again ;i'm suspended by a thin rope right now and there seems like there is no hope for my future. im failing at school and everything in my life is spiraling out of control. i've tried therapy but it doesnt help, and suicide seems like a pretty good option. life really does love me", "it’s the worst it’s ever been i’m so close to ending everything. the feelings of apathy, emptiness, and loneliness are becoming too much. the feelings of self hatred and self loathing within me grow more and more and it’s uncontrollable. everyone around me seems so happy and carefree and i just don’t understand why i can’t feel that way. i’ve been hurt so many times by others but mostly myself and i’m tired of this internal toil that i’m constantly experiencing. nothing makes sense to me anymore. i’m forgetting things more easily. things that once would bring me joy or provide me a way to cope now just make me even more miserable with their monotony. i never feel happy. it’s always a combination of different negative emotions. i have nobody and nothing.\n\ni miss being happy. i miss having hope. i think all of that has been squandered. i have no friends. i have no one that supports me. i feel so desperately alone with no way out. i’ve had a plan to kill myself for months but i’ve been too afraid to go through with it. i’ve been too concerned with the fact that there might be hope out there. lately after a few events that recently occurred, i’ve concluded that there is no hope. the only time i really “feel” anything is when i’m crying my eyes out and even then it feels more like self pity than anything. \n\ni genuinely don’t think i can live this life anymore?" ] }, { "feature_id": 1869, "label": "The feature represents the clinical, diagnostic, and theoretical classification of personality disorders.", "pearson_r": 0.5683934995978954, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.23377791385215943, "mean_pos": 5.7019782066345215, "top_texts": [ "The biggest difference between the DSM and ICD when it comes to schizotypy is that it's both a personality disorder and a schizophrenia spectrum disorder in the DSM while in the ICD it's a schizophrenia spectrum disorder only.\n\nAn argument could be made that every trait anyone has is on a spectrum that can reach pathological levels. That's where the idea of personality disorders comes from.\n\nThe reason that STPD is a personality disorder in the DSM rather than just being a schizophrenia spectrum disorder is because it's very possible to have a lot of schizotypy but not have pathological interpersonal issues because of it. Many people with schizophrenia fit this idea even though their schizotypy is objectively more severe than someone with STPD. Just like someone can have a lot of emotional reactivity and not meet the threshold for BPD, or someone is prone to anticipatory anxiety and some avoidance without meeting the threshold for avoidant personality disorder.\n\nIf we want to say that something's not a disorder because it's on a spectrum then we can just throw out diagnostics altogether because that's true of everything. The fact that it (or anything) becomes a disorder when it reaches pathological levels is the whole point of having things classified as disorders.", "That’s just not true. There’s no symptom criteria for criminal behavior for example. If someone committed crime pathologically that’s ASPD. Other than self absorption there’s nothing about the top ones that are inherent to NPD.", "Personality disorders are not developmental disorders, and thus you cannot be born with one; personality disorders are maladaptations that require input to develop, whereas developmental disorders are differences in the way that the brain is wired. The only mention of someone being born a schizoid that I can find concerns Hans Asperger's studies of children with high-functioning autism, which he once called \"schizoid disorder of childhood\". This is an outdated term that is better known today as Asperger Syndrome or high-functioning autism." ] }, { "feature_id": 6157, "label": "The feature represents the conceptual exploration and subjective definition of depression.", "pearson_r": 0.801879153460265, "pred_f1": 0.9090909090909091, "freq": 0.15991503855795175, "mean_pos": 8.32188892364502, "top_texts": [ "Depression through Hate? Depression is commonly associated with extreme sadness but what if that sadness is formed through hatred of yourself?", "Depression but no sleep issues? I’m coming to terms with possibly having depression (instead of just being a terrible person) but am hung up on not fitting perfectly into the depression box. Do any of you have depression but sleep just fine? The only aspects of my sleep that are poor would be the occasional upsetting dream or very infrequently waking up earlier than I’d like to. Otherwise, I fall asleep very quickly and sleep deeply. \n\nThanks!", "Depression So i was thinking how do you describe depression in the simplest of terms and i came up with this its like someone who knows you intimately knows your every insecurity your every screw up is putting you on blast except you cant see them and nobody else can hear them." ] }, { "feature_id": 8343, "label": "The feature represents the experience of social alienation, detachment, and the struggle to navigate interpersonal interactions due to perceived social incompatibility.", "pearson_r": 0.5447069655972627, "pred_f1": 0.7619047619047619, "freq": 0.29524101111770223, "mean_pos": 4.278585433959961, "top_texts": [ "Maybe try and apply for disability or social assistance. The truth is nobody likes us, we only really have each other. I've experienced similar issues, and there's always someone who will be put off by me because I'm not sociable or whatever else bullshit this society expects from us. People seem to like me initially, but once they get to see what I'm like, it always fails. \n\nI've learned that I cannot do jobs involving social interactions at all. This is why I've been on disability for a while now, and I work online part-time doing freelance work. No more dealing with assholes, granted the social assistance isn't that much, but at least I don't have to go through this anxiety and fear every single day. I'm trying to earn more through freelancing online, it's a much better option, especially if you can make a living through that. I use platforms like Fiverr, 99designs, and Upwork. \n\nAnyways, I would suggest trying to apply for disability or welfare until you get a job. The other alternative is getting a job with little to no social interaction. I remember I used to do janitorial work a few years ago, and it was after hours so It was empty. I would listen to music and clean, and I could do that for hours without much of a problem. I kind of enjoyed it, to be honest, it gave me a sense of purpose and the money was decent. Sadly, my parents kind of screwed up the contract with the company, otherwise, I'd probably still be doing that job.", "All of what you have written is very relatable. It sounds like your diagnosis put things into context, but healing can be a one step forwards, two steps back affair.\n\nI was born trusting and sociable but having been bullied and abused in almost every setting (probably my own fault in some cases) I now have a general fear of people. Then I read the news and history books and humans become even more frightening and irredeemable in my eyes. Even so, I still care deeply for humans as flawed beings and want what is best for them, but at a distance.\n\nFor some reason while reading your post, Frankenstein's monster came to mind: \"I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all.\" It's a good thing you get along so well with animals.\n\nYou might be different, but as a pwStPD and SPD traits myself, I've found it best to go into social situations without expectations, and to avoid the temptation to withdraw further. Sometimes thinking of it as an experiment or practise can help. Withdrawing in the long term can make your symptoms worse by reducing your social skills, which in turn causes you to be tempted to withdraw even more.", "I have comorbid social anxiety, so there's an element of that in most interactions I have. But even then, I can socialize if I have to. I don't have the drive to get good at it, because I get zero pleasure from it. But I understand how it works; I'm never going to make a grossly inappropriate comment to someone, or miss blatant social cues. Opposite, if anything; I'm *too* sensitive to what other people are broadcasting with their tone and body language. I'm hyper protective of my own boundaries, and thus tend to take their signals too seriously, too.\n\nWay easier to just vigorously shove everyone far away." ] }, { "feature_id": 13098, "label": "The feature represents an acute state of existential exhaustion and emotional overwhelm.", "pearson_r": 0.6471001082659237, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.2952218756577814, "mean_pos": 4.17299222946167, "top_texts": [ "I can't do this anymore. I just can't. I'm so tired.", "the feeling in my stomach, i can not bear.", "my heart is too full for words." ] }, { "feature_id": 14392, "label": "The feature represents the emotional and relational complexities of navigating romantic partnerships.", "pearson_r": 0.6109204539592035, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.19212001760462313, "mean_pos": 6.105364799499512, "top_texts": [ "When you feel it's time to leave for someone else's good Hi everyone. I felt the urge to talk with someone that has dealt with similar problems so please bear with my post! \n\nI'm in a six year long relationship and this year was the worst of all six. My family was (and still is, actually) a mess, my health has been really weak, I was confused about my studies and my future and I slowly fell into the depression hole. I tried not to be a burden for my boyfriend, to always be there for him, but I think I failed since we nearly broke up. One day, he was all lovey-dovey in the morning then in the evening sent messages about not being sure of our relationship, saying he needed space and that he felt that something was missing. I think he started to feel something for one of his close friends - some signals were pretty clear but we never discussed the subject. We managed to get through the crisis since I kept really serene and calm about all that and he decided to give our relation a second chance. Despite this I don't feel we actually achieved or changed something. My anxiety always reminds me about the other girl, that he keeps seeing quite a lot. She seems so much better compared to me; her funny, bright, witty friends are his friends, she has a normal family, she is healthy, she lives in his same city (I live miles away from him). I don't stand a chance.\n\nBrief backstory: my dad was a disturbed man that beat my mother and nearly killed me and her when I was younger; then, one day. after me and my mom came home he disappeared without a trace. Never seen him again. A few years later my uncle, with whom me, my mother and my grandparents lived, shared the same destiny since he became violent and started to drink loads of alcohol and to do drugs. The trauma from these experiences changed me so much I could not be the same optimistic and energetic girl I once was. I try to do my best with other people now, to be always pretty and funny so I don't annoy anyone - in fact nearly no one knows I'm depressed - but I know the saddness in my eyes can't be erased with a sparkling lipstick and that constant fake smile I put on.\n\nSo I thought: maybe it's time for my boyfriend to move on. It's time for me to leave and let him be truly happy without the thought of having a depressed, shitty girl by his side. I feel like he would be his true self with the other girl. Since my uncle is an alcoholic I don't drink but she does and drags my boyfriends into pubs. When he goes out with her and their mutual friends, in fact, he never tells me - I discover it days later or from photos on the social media. So, stronger than ever, the thought that he could be free once I walk away never leaves me. Plus, I have the feeling we stay together just because we spent so much time being a couple that we grew accustomed to each other, not because there's still love between us. Has someone felt that's time to give up on someone to let him be an happier, fulfilled person? Did you do it int the end? Tell me your stories and thanks for the attention.", "I really REALLY need someone’s advice. I don’t know how i feel about my boyfriend. i don’t want to be with him but i don’t want to leave him and it’s making me so anxious. We met about a month ago online and it felt as though he was perfect. i had just survived my worst suicide attempt and my life had been a nightmare. we started talking and he made me feel so normal and okay. he’s talented, understanding, fun to talk to, very loving and most importantly is extremely understanding when it comes to my mental health. from the beginning i was okay with his flaws (not physically attractive and clingy) but i was still head over heals talking to him until i started getting really anxious. i got back to my old self and started to feel weird with affection, talks of commitment terrified me and just having to not be alone would make uncomfortable. i talked to him about them and he was understanding but i still feel anxious and agitated. i want that painful solitude i had before him back and now i’m uncontrollably focusing on his cons and i’m nitpicking and completely ignoring all that’s good about him. i am aware that i may be splitting but this has been happening for a week and i’m starting to feel like i hate him. i don’t know what to do and i’m extremely confused . please help.\n\nps. he’s my first boyfriend ever", "Why don't more \"normal people\" like to date the ADD/ADHD way? SO, I'm a (22M) and recently landed a pretty amazing girlfriend. Now we are just starting out but so far I have little to no complaints. She knows I have ADD and has done her best to empathize and work with me on our relationship. It's awesome, but awesome doesn't mean perfect. In dating her I've been reminded of just how different an ADD mind works from Nero-typical brains. With dating, If we're not careful we can overwhelm our non-ADD/ADHD partners QUICKLY. While I understand that and have taken measures to prevent it, I couldn't help but think, WHY?\n\nADD/ADHD brains seek stimulation and one of the most effective ways to gain it is from relationships (though that should NEVER be the main reason you date someone) . We often hyperfocus on our partners because they bring so much joy and novelty into our lives. This of course can make us SUPER fun to date, but also difficult. Take me for example. I CAN'T get enough of my new girl, especially with of how kind and open minded she is. I think about her very often (usually when I should be studying) and constantly have to restrain myself from texting her every other hour. If it was up to me (and if we weren't full time college students) I'd spend every free afternoon I have with her. However I know to the average person, that seems excessive and in some ways they'd be right. I can see how that would be super overwhelming for her so of course I hold back. There are two people in this thing after all. But still....\n\nI just wish when it came to dating, Nero-typical people were a little more like us. I would love to get text messages ALL the time, I would love it if she DID want to spend every single afternoon with me. I guess to put it simply, I'd be happy with a level of affectation that some people would probably call clingy. But, I know, that's not how it works or should work. It's a good thing we don't do that because I'd never be able to get homework done hahahaha. But DANG IT ALL is it hard to get my focus off of her. Hopefully that doesn't make me sound super needed or desperate lol. Thoughts?" ] }, { "feature_id": 571, "label": "The feature represents the discussion and personal experience of taking psychiatric medications.", "pearson_r": 0.5148112469625211, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.13913392908398553, "mean_pos": 7.941961288452148, "top_texts": [ "I imagine that’s frustrating. So they have you on 2 anticonvulsant medications, are they using the lamactil as a kill 2 birds with 1 stone kind of thing? That’s one med that hasn’t been mentioned in my case. Were you a hard gainer to begin with?", "i’ve been on so many i cant even remember them all. 7+ different meds since i was 15 (not at the same time lol). currently on lamictal. it’s better than other things i guess, because there are not too many side effects. not really sure what the purpose of it is, other than keeping me from going through lamictal withdrawal", "Any good medications to take ? I heard Rexulti is a good one to take I’m thinking about switching from Invega" ] }, { "feature_id": 7390, "label": "The feature represents actionable grounding and self-regulation techniques for stress management.", "pearson_r": 0.6734756948402265, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.21140856120476856, "mean_pos": 4.493732452392578, "top_texts": [ "As for grounding, sour candy, fidget toys, focusing on your five senses, going outside, meditating, & focusing on an object, then describing it out loud are all options", "I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Personally, I would recommend going out to a park or a forest and just sitting down and listening to the birds and looking at all the different plants and wildlife. Society is restless and stressful, and being in nature is something that really brings me peace and calm. Maybe even take pictures and draw the things you see in nature, I find it very relaxing and I can look back at the pictures when I’m feeling stressed out or angry. Hope this helps!", "I just want to say I relate. I'm in a similar place right now with work. \n\nAdvice wise, I've been trying to prioritize de-stressing when I'm alone. The best thing I've found is just to sleep if I can. Take walks if I can't sleep. Writing helps me, too." ] }, { "feature_id": 7161, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of ADHD symptoms with professional or academic productivity challenges.", "pearson_r": 0.6703320780735569, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.14296102106814138, "mean_pos": 6.37451696395874, "top_texts": [ "An ADHD personal success story, and how I just hyperfocussed the shit out of a project at work. Long story short, I'm an embedded systems engineer for a reasonably small and growing start-up. \n\n\nThis means I always have a lot of work to keep me busy, very little support in getting it done, and a manager who's inexperienced with software development management. This means I have a lot of stimulation, but also quite a bit of room to screw up as well. \n\n\nSo we have this large firmware update that needs to get done like yesterday. I've been planning this update for the last 3 days, slogging through making flowcharts, and power-points, and excel spread-shits, all while getting distracted by other things. I gave a really crappy presentation about the fixes I wanted to implement which basically resulted in my boss giving me a stern look of disapproval and doubt. \n\n\nSo anyway, he says to me 'get me a list of all of the tasks that need to be done, and the time you think it'll take you'. An ADHD nightmare if I ever heard one, but it forced me to think correctly about how I was going to organize my work. \n\n\nI cooked up my list and estimated it would take me \\~10 man-hours to get the job ready/tested/validated. \n\n\nThe boss came in after I e-mailed my estimate, hands me a stop-watch and says if I get it done in the 10-hour estimate, he'll give me a free paid day off. \n\n\nWell, I slammed a Sugar-free Monster, put all my tasks on the big-board on sticky-notes, put on music, cobbled together my improvised standing desk, and just \\*worked\\*. \n\n\nGot it all done, tested, and verified with 2 hours to spare. I'm really fucking proud of myself. \n\n\n \nNow comes the hard part, convincing my boss that I \\*actually\\* did a really good job, and didn't rush through recklessly. ", "I have the feeling that my ADHD won’t let me accomplish my dream job. So this thought has taken over my mind the last few months and I don’t really know what to do or think about it.\nMy dream is to work in a hospital. It’s important to have focus and my ADHD doesn’t give me the focus I need. \nRight now I’m studying pharmacy assistant and I catch myself being out of focus many times. For example: I can’t do 2 things at a time, when a college is talking in the background I listen to it and forget what I do and focus on that, when my boss walks around I get anxious and sometimes make small mistakes. \nIm 17 at the moment and it’s scaring the shit out of me thinking I can’t be what I want to be just because of the ADHD. \nPlease let there be someone that was in the same position like me and has some tips for me. Help\n", "I quit my job 2 months ago with enough savings to try my own startup. I have worked exactly 1 day on it since then. Without the confines of work and the structure/rigidity it imposes, I'm finding it very, very difficult to get work done. I am letting myself go down endless rabbitholes 'planning' the project, second guessing decisions, spending days researching different approaches, being stymied by the endless amount of choice and direction I have that I simply cannot start. \n\nAt work, I think my ADHD actually aided me, because in planning projects or tasks I was able to view things holistically and suggest things to my team, and they in turn could help shape and redirect my chaos. It made me a better architect of software, but now that I am on my own and having to plan the whole thing, I am so paralyzed by the enormity of each branch that I cannot sit down to do work. \n\nAdditionally, at home, any time I think \"okay, time to work\", I get pulled in to a million different house chores, which perniciously edge in to the definition of 'work' by being rationalized as helping it. For example, I think 'oh, before I work, I should clear off that extra desk to give me more work space' or 'I'd work better if I had good coffee, I should go to the grocery store'. \n\nIt is so fucking frustrating to know in my head what I need to focus on, but to be inexorably pulled in 9 different directions that aren't in the one I actually want to go to. I do believe that it gives me advantages in other areas, but my ADHD -- in this case -- is an enormous mountain in my way. Just wanted to vent." ] }, { "feature_id": 663, "label": "The feature represents the theme of childhood trauma or emotional dysfunction stemming from parental relationships.", "pearson_r": 0.5721439006109067, "pred_f1": 0.782608695652174, "freq": 0.15375342046346083, "mean_pos": 5.926933765411377, "top_texts": [ "Your parents sound like problem parents. They sound controlling and intrusive. I had a mum like this. Nothing will meet their expectations. Please start working with your T on what you want, not what they expect.", "I’m sure this resonates with a few people. But basically I had parents who were not the best when it came to parenting, thus I became the adult prematurely.", "my parents were confused." ] }, { "feature_id": 597, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of intense, visceral terror or being \"deathly afraid.\"", "pearson_r": 0.6504869220243739, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.17866778928031535, "mean_pos": 4.927623271942139, "top_texts": [ "I read something once that called agoraphobia-related things “the fear of fear” and it hit home. I’m scared of being scared, the side effects of being anxious always hit my body so hard which reinforces the terror.", "Terrified of authority figures For some reason I'm constantly terrified of authority figures, whether it's my boss, or police, or even my fiance's parents. I always assume that I've screwed up like 90% of the things that I have to do and I'm going to be screamed at for it. Strangely I don't think I was raised in a particularly abusive manner and as a sys-het-white American male I have the straight flush of privilege. Does anybody else have this issue?", "we still felt terrified." ] }, { "feature_id": 8958, "label": "The feature represents the clinical management and lived experience of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).", "pearson_r": 0.6271431656215937, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.09397424367094663, "mean_pos": 8.58810806274414, "top_texts": [ "Is ADHD Hereditary? I’ve read statistics that indicate ADHD might be hereditary but I wonder how much of that is just based on all the adults who only find out they have ADHD because a child is diagnosed. I don’t have ADHD but my boyfriend does and I wonder how much more likely we are to have children with ADHD than if I were to marry someone without ADHD. My bf insists that there’s not enough evidence to suggest it is hereditary but I wonder if he’s just saying that because he wants to marry me and doesn’t want me to be worried about it.", "Adrenal Fatigue can make ADHD unbearable Adrenal Fatigue.\n -tiredness\ntrouble getting to sleep and waking up\ncraving salt and sugar\nunexplained weight loss\nreliance on stimulants such as caffeine\nnonspecific digestive problems\n\nFor those suffering with this, (i know i did) there is a lot of great videos on YouTube that can help you cure it. Heres a summary list that might help.\n\n1. Stop caffiene, no added sugar(juice too), no processed food, no artificial sweeteners\n1.5 Drink lots of water throughout the day\n2. limit or eliminate alcohol and nicotene\n3. Bone broth, good quality, a cup every single day\n4. Eat lots of veggies, good fats, good quality protein, limit grains and high sugar fruit\n5. Find time to relax, meditate, enjoy nature\n6. Excercise, equivalent 10 minute brisk walk everyday. Dont overdo it though\n7. Supplements- b complex, omega 3s, vitamin d, magnesium\n8. Dont overload the senses. Too much- TV, fast/loud music, facebook, reddit, gaming, porn etc.\n\nCheck out this out for a starting point.\nhttps://draxe.com/3-steps-to-heal-adrenal-fatigue/\n\nAll the best!!!", "Adderall and Sweating Do any of you guys experience massive sweating when you take adderall. I recently started the process for adhd and I found myself drenched after walking to class which normally doesn’t happen. It happened the second day as well. I’m wondering how normal it is and if anyone else experiences this to some extent?" ] }, { "feature_id": 13944, "label": "The feature represents the interpersonal dynamics and diagnostic navigation associated with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).", "pearson_r": 0.7281083301132006, "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947, "freq": 0.09912168238963623, "mean_pos": 7.39822244644165, "top_texts": [ "Is it healthy for a BPD person to be friends with another BPD? I don't want to tell the details.", "Advise needed for BPD friendship. Hello everyone! I have a friend that has BPD. We know each other since high school and we have been friends for years. During these years our friendship was/is unstable. There were times we were not speaking to each other and times were we were hanging out together. We never had any big arguments and I enjoy our time together. \n\nI am a person who enjoys solitude and to spend time by myself. I also tend to distance people and avoid social interactions when I am stressed. My friend needs a frequent and stable relationship with people because otherwise they feel abandoned. I understand this is a symptom of BPD and we have discussed it frequently.\n\nToday they told me that they thought best if we stopped communicating and that they feel that our relationship is not working out. They said that this is not what they want but they believe it is better this way because none of us will get hurt and asked me if I could think of a better solution.\n\nI really enjoy the company of my friend and I would like to continue our friendship. I am also willing to try to be more social with them. However I do not know whether this is going to be good for them. I understand that they feel abandoned by me and this feeling is very painful to them. But I also know that pushing people away and needing validation is also a symptom of BPD. \n\nMy question is: Would it be best for them for me to try and continue our friendship (to validate them) or for us to end it?\n\nThank you for your time reading this!", "I just met with a new doctor for my BPD. He told me that he believes BPD is a subtype of Bipolar disorder. Have any of you ever heard that? I’ve researched and I can find no information that supports that at all. Have you been told this before?" ] }, { "feature_id": 12721, "label": "The feature represents the struggle to initiate, maintain, or sustain interpersonal friendships and the resulting experience of social isolation.", "pearson_r": 0.7501041883730802, "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947, "freq": 0.133374155647831, "mean_pos": 5.3176984786987305, "top_texts": [ "I lost all my friends I lost all my friends a couple months ago basically by shutting them out. I don’t know how to make new friends and I don’t know how or even if I want to be friends with my old friends again. I know that having no one is making me worse but I don’t know what to do.", "I need some friends. Can someone help me get some friends? please and thank you.", "DAE feel they can't make close friends? I have/had a few friends, but never a best friend. I think I drive them away somehow, but I can't figure out how. \nIt makes for a lonely life. \n" ] }, { "feature_id": 611, "label": "The feature detects the use of third-person singular pronouns to describe the emotional states or character traits of others.", "pearson_r": 0.636615009997339, "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947, "freq": 0.11724296293461413, "mean_pos": 5.8273444175720215, "top_texts": [ "she is a genuinely nice girl.", "she is a genuinely nice girl.", "obviously, she's pissed." ] }, { "feature_id": 13360, "label": "The feature represents employment struggles, workplace anxiety, or the functional impact of mental health disorders on professional life.", "pearson_r": 0.6775199590594277, "pred_f1": 0.7619047619047619, "freq": 0.10624007348016609, "mean_pos": 5.75663423538208, "top_texts": [ "Congrats! This gives me hope as I start my new job tmw. My brain keeps saying “quit omg” out of panic. We got this! We’re gonna have jobs!!!", "I can’t seem to “look” for a job let alone get one, is this a very common trait for someone with BPD? The title may seem confusing, and right now and for about the past month or so, I got sick of sitting around at home doing nothing and letting my life go to shit while being content with it. \n\nI had a major breakdown the moment I got into my room after coming back from a night out a few days ago, I mean I was considering suicide because I couldn’t figure out what I had held against/towards working because I don’t work and don’t understand why I can’t just find a job and start living a somewhat stable life as time goes on.\n\nI’m not a hands on person, I’m more of an “office” type of guy. I’m naturally built but I despise physically intensive work like carpentry etc. Is it some sort of anxiety? Like even just thinking about a job makes my mood unsettled. Whenever I work I’m also always inside my own head and I wonder when the shift is going to be over, even if its my first 10 seconds there. Am I just really, really fucking lazy or is there something that is rooted in much deeper?", "i lost my job." ] }, { "feature_id": 11184, "label": "The feature represents the retrospective identification of early-onset or childhood symptoms of a mental health condition.", "pearson_r": 0.5418105031131104, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.1426739891693297, "mean_pos": 4.135672569274902, "top_texts": [ "I think when I was 14, I'm 19 now. Basically everyday for the past five years I've felt this way.", "Has anyone else struggled with this? Cause I’ve been this way, probably since I was 13.", "All of this behavior has been there since I was 13 I think but It only escalated since I turned 18. So it does not have anything to do with immaturity." ] }, { "feature_id": 9476, "label": "The feature represents the experience of avolition and anhedonia characterized by a profound loss of motivation and interest in daily activities.", "pearson_r": 0.6414217259698258, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.14355422032568552, "mean_pos": 3.9209742546081543, "top_texts": [ "Lack of Motivation..why? Seems a lack of motivation Is a common symptom of schizophrenia.. Sometimes it is severe and the patient literally does nothing, day in and day out.. \n\n What causes this lack of motivation? Do you suffer from this? What have you tried to do to improve this? Can anything be done?", "No motivation So the last month or 2, I've done more laying or slouching (not sitting upright) on the couch than anything else. Binge watching shows all day, sleeping 12+ hours... Hell, I even missed Christmas with my family. The only other time I've ever been this sedentary was in jail, and even then I think I was generally more active, as I worked out daily, played 21 in the yard and even learned yoga.\n\nI can't stand my girlfriend I'm living with but I'm unemployed and have no motivation to get a job so I don't have the financial means to move out. I'm more out of shape than I've ever been as an adult with no motivation to exercise or do anything physical--in a way, that just makes me feel worse as it reminds me how weak I've become. These 2 factors combined mean we're having sex for about one minute, once a week, and that's just because it feels obligatory. \n\nI've never in my life given less of a damn about anything and everything than I do now and I don't want to stop. The only time I'm active/functional is when I'm on a bender. Oh such fun. I don't even have the motivation to proofread/add all the relevant detail to this post so I'm done", "Need some advice. Lost all motivation As the title says. I have 0 motivation to do anything. All I do is sleep and go to work now.\n\nI used to write and make short films. Had a gaming channel and skin care channel on YouTube but recently I've had no motivation to do anything. I don't even have any motivation to do something as petty as playing a video game. All I do after work is lay in bed.\n\nHave any of you ever experienced something like this? And if so how did you overcome it?" ] }, { "feature_id": 4909, "label": "The process and personal impact of receiving a formal clinical diagnosis.", "pearson_r": 0.7849376164372736, "pred_f1": 0.8571428571428571, "freq": 0.09265389693641286, "mean_pos": 6.0607757568359375, "top_texts": [ "You get diagnosed, but what’s next? I got diagnosed back in December of 2018. They didn’t tell me when they diagnosed me. They waited until I was checking out to leave the hospital, and as I signed my last paper, the nurse said, “your doctor has diagnosed you with PTSD. Sign here to confirm that I’ve told you this.” \n\nWho does that? Who gives such a blow and expects you to recover well enough to drive yourself home? I didn’t let it hit me until I got home. I sat at the end of my bed and just thought. I thought about everything that led to this. I kept telling myself that I caused this because I wasn’t strong enough to not let things get to me. \n\nI’m still thinking that. I’m still thinking, actually. It still hurts to think about my diagnoses and to remember everything that led up to it. I’ve been diagnosed, but now what? Do I just spend my time thinking? Or am I supposed to do something?", "Yeah that makes sense. I guess for me, it felt like a confirmation of my flaws. If I’m not diagnosed, I’m able to deny those negative parts of myself so I don’t have to confront it, but if I’m diagnosed, it kind of makes it official that I’m a piece of shit and I can’t argue against it anymore. I suppose it’s a bit of a wake up call that I need to put more care and effort into changing.", "Diagnosis won’t give you any real awareness, it’s for the mental health people. Real awareness comes through doing the hard work in therapy" ] }, { "feature_id": 11104, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of chronic, pervasive, or existential loneliness.", "pearson_r": 0.7413924983259405, "pred_f1": 0.8571428571428571, "freq": 0.11115788667980635, "mean_pos": 4.8966803550720215, "top_texts": [ "Yes. That's why lonely people tend to isolate themselves. Solitude doesn't feel as lonely as being around a bunch of people whom never related to you and never will. ", "DAE fall into spirals of depression when they're alone for too long? I've only recently noticed that whenever I've spent the best part of a day (10 hours) alone I end up feeling like shit. I just end up feeling unmotivated, lonely, unloved and desperate for someone to socialise with me. It's gotten to the point I dread the weekends because i never have plans or it's the 'rest' day of my friends. My friends are all wonderful but they do need their time alone and i respect that. \n\nWhat do you do to avoid falling into the hole of depression when youre alone?? How can i stop it? Why does this happen? God i fucking hate this illness.", "Loneliness has become a part of me. If anyone was like me as a kid growing up eating lunch alone, then you know as an adult, it carry's on. It becomes the normal. In fact, if you're not alone then it feels off. It kinda becomes part of you in a way </3" ] }, { "feature_id": 10739, "label": "The feature represents contemplation of personal mortality and the finality of death.", "pearson_r": 0.7459395627006562, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.10277655523450506, "mean_pos": 5.135615348815918, "top_texts": [ "I know how I’m going to die If I don’t die in an accident, I know I’m going to kill myself. I don’t know when, but I know that’s how my life will end. Maybe it’ll be soon, maybe it’ll be in 20 years but I can’t do this forever. \n\nIt’s not really about when it gets too hard to keep going, it already feels that way. Once my fear of death is overcome by my urge to kill myself, that’s when it’ll happen. \n\nI just want to want to be alive :(", "\"you're going to die.", "The becoming dead kind of scares me. Lots of really crappy ways to die but the death is sort of the \"light at the end of the tunnel\" in that respect." ] }, { "feature_id": 7763, "label": "The feature represents discourse regarding the moral agency, accountability, and behavioral motivations of individuals with antisocial personality traits or criminal backgrounds.", "pearson_r": 0.7472176575508073, "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947, "freq": 0.13220689259266347, "mean_pos": 3.972383737564087, "top_texts": [ ">Morality? Good and bad people? I don't know. Maybe we for practical reasons have to insist that every human, except the obviously very mentally sick people, are responsible for their actions even if they are victims of fx. their own childhood or other circumstances?\n\nI have to agree here. We don't choose our constitution when we are born (or even whether or not we are born) nor do we choose the circumstances we are born in.\n\nSo I cannot really blame someone who was born with a predisposition to hurt others on top of an environment that nurtured that trait. Not to mention things like traumatic head injuries, lead poisoning and fetal alcohol syndrome.\n\nI feel very sorry for them despite hating their actions. Nevertheless, we still have to hold them responsible for their actions for practical reasons. Being a victim yourself doesn't excuse victimising others!", "If they decide to continue being stupid, after they are released, then they can spend the rest of their life in there. It’s really their choice. Having ASPD, doesn’t mean we absolutely can’t control ourselves, we can choose not to do something stupid and go to jail. Make smart choices. Those who don’t can be taken away from society", "This is two former mafia underboss’s having a discussion both have served decades in prison both lived an anti-social life. Sammy is most certainly probably a psychopath despite saying he cares abyhis family which he probably does many psychopaths do care about themselves and their family atleast to some degree. Listen to him talk he doesn’t see any difference between the mayor of New York, cops, or soldiers from what he did. He killed I think 19 people he was a hit man and about as bad a dude as the mafia had and that’s really saying something. Michael Francise who has found GOD is trying to tell him that they aren’t normal and Sammy can’t accept that. And the fact is he has a legitimate point, it’s ok for soldiers to kill but not him. This is what ASPD is, not always to this extreme obviously but I’ve heard the exact same argument by people who are high in the scale for psychopathy. \n\nThis is very common thinking. It’s got some truth to it so it’s easy to justify in their minds but his thinking is very black and white and he just can’t see the difference. It’s really interesting to be honest, you don’t really get much closer to ASPD psychopathy discussions on this side of the jail cell. Sammy was prepared to kill Giuliani just for refusing to sit in the same room as him. Imagine that, you spend your better part of your life locked up and would throw it away just like that because someone disrespected you. Insane and he just doesn’t see it because that’s his personality that is how he sees life. \n\nhttps://youtu.be/4-w1J_qgiw0" ] }, { "feature_id": 2816, "label": "The feature represents academic distress and the struggle to balance university expectations.", "pearson_r": 0.701509947871322, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.08991752616774144, "mean_pos": 5.38855504989624, "top_texts": [ "Did i chose the wrong college? I feel like i chose the wrong college,\nI am 4 years now there and i don't really like it(i know sounds stupid) but at the same time i want to finish it but i just can't, and also i don't have job, and i'm having everyone push me to finish so i could get a job lolololol.\nYou don't imagine how difficult it is to finish an IT college, and after 4 years realizing that my path is not there.....\nThe first 2 years were good(not bad not perfect) after that it was down hill for me....\nI don't even know how i managed to get in there in the first place(from freaking studying like no tomorrow, but now i dont feel in a mood for that)....\nWhat should i do? what do you think?\nshould i just give it up and search for a job and make some money,\nI dont know what should i do.... With my calculations, i will finnish in 2 or 3 years from now which is 6 years overall...\n\nI'm really really desperate, i think thats why i'm writing here...\n\np.s : Sorry for my English vocabulary and grammar", "Unsure what to do. I have screwed up my college education Hi, this is my first time being here, I don't know where else to go to vent. I have been at university for 2 years now, and it has been a struggle. I did fine in highschool and graduated top of my class, and a year early. Now at university, I struggle to keep even a 3.0, attend classes, or even leave the house. I don't know what the stem of it is, maybe I am just irresponsible and am using feelings of depression as an excuse. I don't have feelings or thoughts of wanting to end my life, but I do not know what I am doing in my life. I feel like I don't make my own decisions, I am drowning.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI am on an academic scholarship, and the only way for me to go to university is to keep a 3.0, which I will lose this semester, and won't be able to afford the next 4 semesters without getting at least 20k into debt. It is a hard place to be in since I just feel out of place. I have some close friends whom I live with, but beyond that I have put myself into a little shell and don't want to do anything. I don't even feel bad for losing my scholarship as much as I feel I will disappoint my parents as being the shittiest of their children. There is still a month before school ends, and I can maybe talk to my teachers a bit as a means to keep some of my grades up, but ultimately this is my problem, and not theirs. So I doubt anything will change (my grades aren't bad, but they're slipping. Currently with 2 As, 2 Cs, and one class that is probably less than a D). \n\n\nI am just stuck on what life is, and I hate myself more and more everyday. I am starting to hate the way I look, I hate how pathetic I feel. I don't even know what I am doing anymore. All I know is I struggle getting out of bed, no matter how long I slept for, and have lost all aspirations to do anything. I am just scared that these last 9 months will ruin my life and my education, more scared for what happens after being dropped into the world without an education.", "\"You are the type of student college is meant for.\" I have been feeling really overwhelmed and worried lately that maybe I was in over my head when I decided to transfer from a community college to a 4 year university. My meds haven't been working correctly and I have been procrastinating almost everything. I was starting to lose hope until I went back and looked at my old coursework for reference to help me with a paper that I am currently working. I found a folder of all the responses my teacher gave to me for my assignments for that class. \n\nThis class was extremely significant in my academic career because we were required to write 12+ papers every other week, which was insane because I had failed English 3 times (ok 5 times, but that was because of an online class idk... WHATEVER YES 5 TIMES) due to not even turning in specific papers. I ended up writing 75+ pages of writing over the entire semester and received an A+ in the course. The thing that I looked most forward to were my teachers responses to each paper because I put so much work and love into those things and I wanted to know what she thought. \n\nOn the last response to my last paper she said the words I never thought I would hear, \"You are the type of student college is meant for.\" Even typing these words makes me tear up quite a bit. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I was going to finish out that semester with straight A's for the first time in my life, write almost 100 pages of writings THAT I ENJOYED WHILE DOING IT, and be told that I was meant for college. \n\nI was so close to quitting college the semester before, I thought that maybe I just wasn't cut out for it, or smart/driven enough for it. And those same thoughts have started to creep back into my mind, but after reading those words once more I remember how capable I am of succeeding and how much I truly deserve to be here. I had been joking to everyone about how I didn't understand why I even got accepted and that it must have been a mistake or a fluke, but honestly FUCK THAT. I deserve to be here, I worked my ass off for it and I'm not gonna let my head get in the way of being a fucking trail blazer at this damn college. \n\nMy teacher was right when she said that I am the type of student meant for college, and I just need to remember those words when things start to get out of control. \n\nNot sure why I wrote this but I did :)" ] }, { "feature_id": 13999, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of emotional detachment or the inability to feel emotions despite intellectual awareness of them.", "pearson_r": 0.6152137483162566, "pred_f1": 0.8181818181818182, "freq": 0.09364894085229339, "mean_pos": 4.465561866760254, "top_texts": [ "Right and that having normal emotions is actually helpful not a burden. You have to have a balance between the emotional and logical mind. Emotions tell you instantly how you feel about something your logic helps you process them and decide if or not to act on them. If one or the other is missing you are playing shotrthanded. I don’t see how lacking emotions is any benefit at all unless you blindly act on them and that’s not what normal people do.", "Does anyone else feel disconnected from their emotions? I can tell I'm sad, and I see the reasons for why I might feel sad, but I don't *feel* sad. It's like my emotions are right in front me, but behind a glass wall. So I see them and recognize they're there, but I don't feel much when they're happening.\n\nIt's not just the flat affect, although that's there. It's like an instinctual distancing from the feelings themselves. Which would be okay if it helped, but instead it just makes it hard to process them and achieve any kind of catharsis because my brain keeps shutting my emotions down when they happen.\n\nHow do I stop this from happening? It takes me so long to work through things (days whenever something even a little upsetting happens) and figure out how to cope. I want to cry and let myself be really upset for a little bit so I can feel better later. Not carry these heavy feelings around with me but never do anything about them because I don't know how.\n\nDoes anyone have any advice for overcoming this?", "I didn't mean all emotions. Just in a lot of situations where I don't have appropriate emotional reactions. and tbh I only put that one in to draw in an audience to get to my last point haha" ] }, { "feature_id": 624, "label": "The feature represents the clinical classification, diagnostic criteria, and symptomology of schizophrenia and related psychotic disorders.", "pearson_r": 0.5384876399927814, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.0590520293155246, "mean_pos": 6.76270866394043, "top_texts": [ "I was diagnosed schizotypal before being upgraded to schizophrenia and later schizoaffective. When I'm on meds I just revert back to my schizotypal self rather than having overt psychotic symptoms. Social issues, lots of anxiety, suspiciousness, eccentricity, etc. but there is a world of difference between schizotypal and schizophrenia. When I was just STPD in retrospect it was like *very* mild versions of the psychotic, negative, and cognitive symptoms I developed in my early 20s.\n\nI wouldn't rule out schizophrenia for episodic psychosis. If you are psychotic for at least one month out of a six month period, and are still experiencing other disruptions during the rest of the time, then you qualify for schizophrenia. Not sure if you are psychotic at least one sixth of the time. If not then it probably qualifies as \"transient psychosis\" which would make it schizotypal, not schizophrenic.\n\nI was told that I'm \"too coherent\" to have schizophrenia before. If only they had seen my hypergraphia and room *filled* with post-its of every random thought I had and how it was evidence that I will need to become religious emperor against my will, chosen by God. My hallucinations and delusions are also consistent without meds along with mild thought disorder.", "The biggest difference in the treatment for schizophrenia vs. schizotypal is the dose of antipsychotics if there are any. Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder while schizotypal is not. That being said, it's the closest thing you can have to a psychotic disorder without actually having a psychotic disorder.\n\nSchizophrenia isn't *all* about hallucinations, that's just one possibility. Delusions (actual delusions, not intrusive thoughts which people often think of delusions) are very common as is disorganized thoughts. Schizotypal will have milder versions of these symptoms. They will have misperceptions rather than hallucinations, magical thinking rather than delusions, and mild thought disorder if present. Noticeable but not complete debilitating like in schizophrenia. A big overlap between STPD and schizophrenia is negative symptoms. They can be very strong in both disorders.\n\nHallucinations in schizophrenia are usually auditory. Visual is quite rare.\n\nI'd recommend talking more with your psychiatrist or getting a second opinion to determine if you are schizotypal or actually schizophrenic. They are similar in some ways but they are two different disorders.", "Bipolar with psychotic features can look a lot like schizophrenia. Paranoia, thought disorder, delusions, hallucinations.\n\nSchizophrenia delusions tend to be a bit more bizarre and long-lasting, taking a long time of aberrant salience to build up. Psychotic symptoms in schizophrenia also tend to be more chronic. Bipolar psychosis is episodic, but an important thing to remember is that depressive and manic phases can last *a long time*. Months, sometimes.\n\nI was diagnosed first with bipolar for thought disorder, paranoia, some hallucinations, but also severe mood episodes. Once the mood stabilizers had some time to work and take care of the mood side and the psychotic symptoms persisted it was clear that there was schizophrenia mixed in there as well. Also, some of the symptoms thought to be depression turned out to be negative symptoms.\n\nSo it's not possible to have schizophrenia and then not have it later, but it is possible to be diagnosed as something and then have it revoked with more evidence. So if your diagnosis changed from schizophrenia to bipolar it doesn't mean that you got rid of schizophrenia, it means you didn't have it in the first place.\n\nBipolar is a serious condition though so I hope you continue to get help for your moods and psychotic symptoms." ] }, { "feature_id": 6195, "label": "The feature represents social anxiety and apprehension specifically related to romantic interactions and dating.", "pearson_r": 0.6181197952844723, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.10325494173252454, "mean_pos": 3.629258871078491, "top_texts": [ "I can't even go on dates, ask a woman out, stare, or even speak for extended periods. I freak out when women show interest, and I can't seem to calm down. I feel the need to escape, and that's what I typically do. I've never asked anyone out in my life, ever. I've had girls show interest in me, but I just avoided or made excuses every single time. I didn't even understand the social cues, but maybe it's because of inexperience. \n\nIn school, a couple of girls approached my friend to ask about me. I had a reasonable amount of opportunities, but I was generally clueless about these things, and still kind of am. I only spoke to a couple of girls over messenger, but they took the initiative to add me, and to be honest, my friend tricked me into her and me adding each other. I had no plans to speak to her, even though I found her attractive.\n\nAnyways, it's true. I don't think many women are attracted to people like us. I do think the personality and odd behaviors are off-putting for most women. Most people don't want to date a man child, and I honestly see myself as one. My idiosyncrasies can be child-like, and when is the last time anyone has seen a person date someone like that? I'm sure it's not something that happens very often. To make matters worse, shyness and being a man is a problem. Most people don't see shyness in men as a desirable trait. I think it's easier for women because it's socially acceptable for women to be shy. Men don't have that luxury.", "I don’t have much experience with dating though I have a girlfriend right now, but I would suggest that if you feel scared to talk to women, maybe bring it up with a therapist that can dive into the root of the problem, and focus right now on friends that you do have. I know it’s hard and I get very nervous myself, but keep putting yourself out there, giving yourself new experiences and opportunities. I promise, things are going to look up and you’ll be feeling better soon. Sending care!", "Put out a large net and frequently and eventually you'll catch something. Having a decent job/money helps a lot too. It's hard because I lose interest quickly and most times I quickly stop putting in effort. It also requires getting lucky and meeting someone that's actually open to go do stuff even if they don't know you well. For me any girl I ever dated was always down to go hang out and do stuff, not endless back and forth texting." ] }, { "feature_id": 12433, "label": "The feature represents the process of navigating, accessing, or interacting with psychiatric clinical services and institutional mental health care.", "pearson_r": 0.7469737696683638, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.08662622706136743, "mean_pos": 4.165492057800293, "top_texts": [ "I got a psychiatrist easy by putting myself into a psych ward and they assigned me one for outpatient when I was released. Literally no waiting.", "Struggling to call the psychiatrist After being forcibly committed the hospital wrote me a referral to see a psychiatrist, all I have to do is call, answer some questions and set up an appointment, pretty easy. I have phone anxiety, I hate making phone calls, I hate talking on the phone, I especially hate leaving voicemails. The suicidal thoughts are creeping back again and I know I need help, but I can’t do it. I hate this about myself.", "On a Psychiatric hold for the first time I’ve been depressed before and made some great progress. Two weeks ago I felt really depressed out of nowhere. Today I was going to talk with my doctor about it, but my regular doctor was sick, so I talked with a different one. After a little time with him, he recommended I talk with a psychiatrist today. The problem was that the Psychiatric department just closed so the only person to talk to was at the ER. The ER has all these procedures like samples and smocks. After talking with the psychiatrist a bit she left and I was informed that I was on a Psychiatric hold for up to 24 hours. They took all my stuff except for my phone, and they just gave me back my laptop because I have been “very calm”. I’m really scared and embarrassed and I feel kind of cheated into coming here. Am I going to be taken out of university and put away somewhere?" ] }, { "feature_id": 4903, "label": "The feature represents the psychological and physical struggle with disordered eating, appetite regulation, and the complex relationship with food intake.", "pearson_r": 0.6136214036274797, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.06002793777148434, "mean_pos": 5.871152400970459, "top_texts": [ "I've been the same way lately :( I put the food in my mouth and the texture and the thought of the calories make me so disinterested and slightly nauseous, and when I CAN eat it makes my stomach hurt no matter how little I eat. I'm also depressed so that's partially the reason, I started restricting after this depression started", "It's probably physically impossible to eat 400 calories in one pill/bite. That being said, a healthy dinner is going to be at least 400 calories, probably around double. Some folks suggested things like protein shakes and related things which are all great ideas, just be careful adding extra calories since APs are known to contribute to weight gain and for health reasons you don't want to add to that cycle.", "Fighting appetite loss, easy things to eat? Hey, I started concerta a couple of days ago (switched from adderal xr) and its been working for me way better. However, I get hungry (can physically feel my stomach growling) but I have no appetite so it makes it hard to eat. This is the worst loss of appetite I have experienced. \n\nAny tips or food that's easy to eat and provides needed nutrients to stay alive? Only thing I can stomach is pudding and cereal right now. " ] }, { "feature_id": 1521, "label": "The feature represents the internal conflict, interpersonal difficulty, and moral deliberation surrounding the act of offering an apology.", "pearson_r": 0.6097107608496923, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.08787003195621806, "mean_pos": 3.9461886882781982, "top_texts": [ "To apologise is to admit fault. I'm only going to do that if I clearly did something wrong but that rarely happens. It's easy to say stuff which almost feels like an apology but isn't, so often you'll get that.\n\n\"I didn't like it when you did X\"\n\"Okay, I'll try not to do X around you\"", "It's okay to feel guilt sometimes. You did the wrong thing by giving him those things. Don't let the guilt consume you however, use it to promise yourself you won't do something like that again. You can't change the past, apologise to whoever appropriate and then don't do it again. It's common for people to repeat actions their parents did with them and while it doesn't make it right, it doesn't make you the most awful person ever. Acknowledge how dangerous that situation could have ended up for him, identify why you make this action and work on it, don't do it again and forgive yourself.", "I’ll make sure to apologize to him. I guess that’s also an opportunity for me to talk to him about why it feels difficult for me to apologize for it. At the time I meant what I was saying, but I don’t think that way about him anymore." ] }, { "feature_id": 5348, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of sexual identity, dysfunction, and emotional conflict.", "pearson_r": 0.6726980898965174, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.07556593122715705, "mean_pos": 4.51921272277832, "top_texts": [ "Interesting. I have the same issue but I've found I can be sexual in the context of my own space by using porn. When anyone else is involved I shut down in shame and negative pre programmed beliefs from the religion I was raised in", "I have an extremely high sex drive and I prefer violent and degrading sex.", "-I cant do it because I suddenly get repulsed by the idea of sex.\n-I get sex neutral and Iam just not intrested anymore " ] }, { "feature_id": 7899, "label": "The theme is the intersection of cannabis use and its perceived effects on mental health conditions or neurodivergence.", "pearson_r": 0.6100188259147291, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.06188407738379992, "mean_pos": 5.192957878112793, "top_texts": [ "Weed and BPD So before I start I’d like to say I have not been diagnosed with BPD yet however after deep research I have all symptoms and highly believe that I may have it.\n\nAnyway I’m making this post because in my experience smoking weed and having assumed bpd(not trying to self diagnose here so please don’t come for me) don’t really mix well. I guess you could call me a somewhat heavy smoker. I started in my upperclassmen years of high school and it got heavier as time went on. Now I’m smoking at least 1-4 blunts each day. It used to be so fun and made everything so much more enjoyable but now all it does is get me high but the high isn’t what it used to be. I feel very dull when the high wears off and it’s even changing me as a person. I know this is common for most “drugs” but it’s much more intense than that. Like my anxiety goes through the roof, I’ve turned into an introvert when Ive always been very outgoing, I’ll get these really dark depressing thoughts, and in all it just makes me feel/act/think negatively. It’s honestly breaking me down. When I’m sober I have major mood swings and anxiety so you would think weed would help those sort of things but no. It amps it up to 100 and makes me feel all kind of weird.\n\nI’ve tried to quit so many times but I’m never able to stick with it. It’s almost as if I need it and I don’t like that. When I’m sober, even though it can be tougher that way to cope with things, I still feel more like myself and it makes me so happy. But I always end up giving in to the constant urge to smoke. I feel like smoking is one of my main issues I need to cut out as I feel it sorta blurs the lines between how I’m feeling or thinking making it difficult to resolve personal problems that I may have.\n\nJust felt like sharing and wondering if anyone else out there has similar experiences", "ADHD and marijuana? I’ve been smoking regularly for almost 5 years now. I’m thinking about quitting because while it helps with anxiety and sleeping most times, I feel like it makes me scattered brain worse and inhibits my creativity. Does anyone feel this way? Have you quit or do you smoke now? Just wondering how weed affects other Adhd folks.\n\nThank you! ", "smoking weed+adhd does anyone smoke pot here? and if so, how does it affect your adhd?" ] }, { "feature_id": 14401, "label": "The feature represents the dynamics and challenges of marital or spousal relationships.", "pearson_r": 0.599081972832904, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.062247651122294724, "mean_pos": 4.355760097503662, "top_texts": [ "It sounds like your wife isn’t happy. The weight gain is a symptom associated with mental disorganization or stress. She’s exhibiting a lot of hopelessness. She knows how she looks and how she feels, and she probably knows she’s disappointing you. I’d focus on her emotional health. See if she’s interested in therapy. Genuinely search for the root of the unhealthy behavior and try to meet your wife there. If you don’t, she’ll undoubtedly feel more and more emotionally distanced from you as well. I hope you guys can get tackle this challenge together as a team.", "Little/No Support from Spouse This is my very first Reddit post so please forgive anything out of place. \n\nDoes anyone have experience with having little to no support from your spouse in coping with your depression?\n\nA little elaboration:\nI was diagnosed with depression about a year and a half ago after finally seeking help when I began considering suicide at what I felt was at an alarmingly frequent rate and I became afraid of myself. My husband of course knows that I have depression and he has a general concept of what it is (I think so anyways; I've done my best to explain it) but he doesn't understand it. He says he's never felt that way and he's sorry that I do. However, I feel like he thinks I'm crazy when I try to talk about how I'm feeling. He never says anything demeaning or out of place, but it's almost like talking to a wall. We have been together for 10 years, have a child together, and have a good relationship, so I don't understand why it makes me feel so bad to try to reach out to him. \n\nI just feel so alone and I'm not sure how to get him to understand that I need his help. ", "I've gone off the rails, and I'm worried about how it's affecting my husband. He found my alcohol and something else I'm not going to mention, but it was my intention to use it to kill myself. He found that a couple weeks ago. \nThis week, I've tried to hang myself twice. \nHe seems to be handling it well, as well as one can. \nHe has been more clingy, getting more snappy over stuff, and been a bit more depressed. He's also been having sleeping problems. \nWe've been having money issues.\nInstead of asking me to take extra shifts and stay later to get more money, he's been asking me to come home, and once even asked me to call in sick. \nI'm worried about what I'm doing to him. \nI hate being this way. \nI know I make him stressed and worried, but I can't help it. \nHe's very understanding and caring towards me and my mental health, but I know it's taking a toll on him. I'm sorry." ] }, { "feature_id": 1284, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of memory impairment, lapses, and the psychological struggle with recall.", "pearson_r": 0.7952127880526506, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.05734897338257525, "mean_pos": 4.593250274658203, "top_texts": [ "We all think we have bad memories In reality, we just choose to forget and forget anything relating to the memory. If anyone asks us why we can't remember, it is just because we don't want to admit we remember it. I realized that I will never forget. Everything that happened will be never be forgotten but it eases my mind to act as if I forgetten. We try to lie to ourselves with a lie we don't believe.", "My memory is quite fragmented so while I don’t remember most of my childhood, I’ve regained some positive ones by talking to my siblings and childhood friends. Sometimes I get nostalgia for things I don’t remember but know happened too 😂", "Can I choose whether people remember or not or is it unavoidable? \nCause if I can choose if people remember, I'd totally start working as a hypnodom lmao" ] }, { "feature_id": 7568, "label": "The feature represents the expression of positive social connection, validation, and genuine emotional warmth.", "pearson_r": 0.6727789971063072, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.07612085956485964, "mean_pos": 3.39005446434021, "top_texts": [ "it was friggin' delicious.", "Thank you! I’m really happy that I finally have a friend who I feel comfortable with. This is really the first time in a very long time for me.", "I'm glad to hear that, it must be nice for you given your experiences" ] }, { "feature_id": 9578, "label": "This feature detects narratives and discussions concerning experiences of interpersonal abuse and abusive relationships.", "pearson_r": 0.7975961640881329, "pred_f1": 0.8888888888888888, "freq": 0.05394286151667655, "mean_pos": 4.7261552810668945, "top_texts": [ "Ive been with a person who did not speak up when they even agreed their friend wad abusive towards me. So long as it was aimed at me, he had no problem with it, and only had a go at her, when she had a go at him first, and he had to defend to himself to her. Even then he didnt say a single thing about the abuse towards me. And is still friends with her till this day. Unfortunately cause I was being abused so severely I didn't see his actions for what they were, and was just thankful to have him as a 'safe space'.. And when it happened again, I was shocked this time as he not only didnt stand up for me, he joined in.. Alot of people wont speak up unless it effects them directly and in a real way... Which it didnt for him, till she considered divorce....", "I’ve been in an abusive relationship for 3 years now. My family had stopped talking to me, and live states away when my boyfriend and I got together. The first time I noticed abuse was when he wanted to repeatedly have sex till I was sore, and would get angry if I refused. It was subtle at first but it scared me. As time went on I would here everyday how I was too skinny, I need to gain some weight.. it got to the point to where I would ask questions about why I wasn’t good enough and was depressed ... he would throw a speaker in a room along with me and put stuff in front of the door to where I couldn’t get out.", "Absolutely not! Anyone who abuses you does not love or respect you. Leave now. The peace you will feel is priceless. Been there done that. Now happily married and can not believe all the time I waisted being miserable when there are actually good people out there. You’re just telling yourself you love him bc your brain isn’t working correctly anymore. You will have brain fog for a little while and it will be hard to get your life together but it’s possible! Just be patient. One day you will realize you’re actually happy again and feel normal again. You won’t realize how unhappy you are right now until later , when you start to heal. He is going to get violent with you it’s just a matter of when. And then you’ll have to ask yourself are you OK with that? My 80-year-old great aunt was killed by her abusive husband. Crazy people do not just turn sane one day." ] }, { "feature_id": 1372, "label": "The feature represents somatic symptoms and physical distress often associated with anxiety.", "pearson_r": 0.7628282071437779, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.06697410972272719, "mean_pos": 3.7458107471466064, "top_texts": [ "my stomach is ichy and achy.", "I’m a 24 year old male. For the past month, my stomach has had little pain after eating and I’ll have problems with indigestion/sour stomach. I’ll eat a clean meal and it’s as if my stomach won’t digest the food and I’m burping it up right after eating. There is usually no pain after eating. My stool color has been normal and I’m regular.", "I keep getting this... creeping/moving feeling in my stomach. Right below where my ribs part, maybe slightly to the right. I have no idea what it is but I've never had stomach issues with my anxiety. It just started in the past couple of weeks. Admittedly my anxiety has been a lot worse lately." ] }, { "feature_id": 7576, "label": "The feature identifies meta-commentary regarding the culture, norms, and social dynamics of Reddit as a platform.", "pearson_r": 0.5866128507310285, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.05868845557702979, "mean_pos": 4.052237510681152, "top_texts": [ "The Reddit dating sub. Sub hasn’t had any action in like years. Definitely not setting an example. That subs life is worst than my actual nonexistent dating life and sex life.", "A tip to get better Firstly I want to say this, I have enormous respect for the people that use this subreddit for relief and comfort. I do not mean to insult anyone on here with what is my opinion as that is not the intention, but an observation that I have made that I need to share in case it helps others.\n\nI have troubled with severe anxiety and mental health issues for as long as I remember. I used to subscribe to this page. Everyday I would come on here and read posts about others who felt the same as me on many issues, and that did provide comfort. However, it’s really not a good way to live your life. Having unsubscribed from this page I definitely found that the time spent despising myself and reflecting on the genuine pain I’ve had to go through in my life decreased. \n\nWhat am I proposing? To leave this subreddit, a week, one month, and tell me if you feel better or feel worse. I guarantee that at least some of you out there will experience the improvement in self worth and a decrease in amount of truly harmful thoughts and ideas. We are all sensitive human beings, help yourself by making sure the content of what you read about does not draw you back deep into your own personal problems. \n\nGood luck everyone ", "It sounds like you're looking for a diagnosis on reddit. Bad idea." ] }, { "feature_id": 5932, "label": "The feature represents the explicit discussion and personal identification of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).", "pearson_r": 0.6734427434842208, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.03855795174037008, "mean_pos": 6.136500358581543, "top_texts": [ "PTSD and ADHD I’m curious and just wondered—has anyone with PTSD been diagnosed with ADHD? Has anyone with PTSD wrongly been diagnosed with ADHD? I’m seriously wondering if I also have ADHD along with PTSD, because I look at all the diagnosis markers and I can see that I experience almost all of them. I know that PTSD can manifest like ADHD at times. \n\nMy girlfriend says I think about diagnosis too much, but it’s something I’m seriously thinking about. \n\nAny advice would be appreciated. ", "Need advice on helping my boyfriend's PTSD So I'm currently dating this guy and we're in a long distance relationship. He has PTSD from a traffic accident years ago and hasn't fully recovered because he can't afford professional help. When I'm around, it's easier to calm him when he had flashbacks. But I feel it's so difficult when I'm not around. Is there any practical advices that I can do to help him when I'm far from him? We're already planned to live together soon, I'll try to get him professional help when we're already together.", "can't cope. TW: miscarriage\n\nI was diagnosed with PTSD in 2017 due to an abusive relationship that ended in 2015. Despite an occasional depressive episode, I was mostly \"rehabilitated,\" that is, my PTSD symptoms were gone but generalized anxiety remained. In June, I found out I was pregnant. My current partner and I were so excited, even though the prospect of becoming a parent gave me a lot of anxiety (the hormones didn't help). \n\nUnfortunately, my pregnancy ended in miscarriage in July. Now, PTSD is back in full force. I am having panic attacks for the first time since 2017. I can't sleep. I cry every single day. I have meltdowns about small things. I have to force myself to shower and go to work and eat. I think I'm about to get my first period since having the miscarriage, the cramping is causing flashbacks which send me spiraling. I never liked to drink but I find myself looking for wine everywhere. I purposefully dissociate so I don't have to deal with real life. I owe hundreds of dollars in medical bills due to my miscarriage and I can't afford a therapist.\n\nIt feels so fucking unfair. I felt hope for the first time this year, that I could move past my PTSD and live a happy, fulfilling life. Now that hope is gone and it was replaced with grief, anger, confusion, and anxiety. I don't know how to cope with this. I feel such a strong urge to be self destructive." ] }, { "feature_id": 3632, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience and quantification of physical or emotional pain.", "pearson_r": 0.7703193435879766, "pred_f1": 0.8333333333333334, "freq": 0.05882240379647525, "mean_pos": 3.9657840728759766, "top_texts": [ "I often feel overwhelmed by pain I wish I could suggest ways to kill the pain that were both healthy and fast-acting, but I haven't found them yet.\n\nIf you feel the need to harm yourself, please go to the nearest hospital as soon as possible. If you can't do that, tell someone how you are feeling and ask them to sit with you. If you can't do either of those things, at least get rid of anything that you might use to harm yourself.\n\nTry to take comfort in the fact that the pain will subside. It always does and it always will. All feelings change, just like everything else in life does. \n\nSome people suggest that you examine the pain without judgement. \n\n1. Acknowledge that you are in pain. \n2. Try to let go of feeling upset that you are in pain. Being upset increases the pain. \n3. Look at what is causing the pain. Ignoring the pain causes increases the pain.\n\nPersonally, I find it very difficult to step back in that way, but the idea seems sensible.\n\nAgain, talk to people. Ask them to sit with you, or better yet, take you to the hospital.", "I guess I was wrong in saying my pain is a 3 most of the time. By this chart its a 4-5. Dang, I have been undervaluing my own pain, cause I have gotten to a 10, so to me a 5 is more like a 6/7", "Higher, for sure. And yes I’d say I do enjoy pain while hypo" ] }, { "feature_id": 2883, "label": "The feature represents the subjective perception and social evaluation of aging and life stages.", "pearson_r": 0.7730172394930594, "pred_f1": 0.8888888888888888, "freq": 0.05878413287663369, "mean_pos": 3.8583457469940186, "top_texts": [ "25 isn't old and don't let anyone let you feel that way. tht is a very young age, you are just barely starting life. just do what you want to do and don't care what anyone thinks.", "Still fearing responsibility by their late 20s/early 30s. I don't know anyone like that whose life isn't a fucking mess.", "nah probably just your mindset. i am almost same age as you and i don't feel old. you still have your 20s, don't waste it by entertaining the 'i feel old' feeling" ] }, { "feature_id": 15184, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of financial distress, impulsive spending, and the management of economic instability.", "pearson_r": 0.6609193643619271, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.05143611626705448, "mean_pos": 4.363443374633789, "top_texts": [ "Hey I have OCPD I have been diagnosed 3 times by three different doctors and I didn't inform them about my previous diagnosis. So I'm pretty confident about my diagnosis. \nMy question - what is your relationship with money as a person with OCPD?\nMy personal relation is pretty confusing I love buying things but when something is over my budget I become aware of how little I have. Then I get very angry and suddenly want to save all the money. Then I spend more. \nhttps://reddit.com/r/OCPD/comments/1iuzspv/money_matters/", "Anyone else worry more about money than their own well being? My family isn’t living in poverty or anything but finance is always a struggle. We just had to cancel our health insurance so I can kiss goodbye to affordable medication. \n\nEver since I became depressed I’ve been nothing but a burden on my family. Therapy costs a lot, medication costs a lot, I have debt from student loans to pay off and I didn’t even graduate. \n\nMultiple times I felt like I might harm myself so I wanted to go to the ER but thinking about how much it would cost always stops me. \n\nIdk. Everyone always says money can’t buy happiness but it sure as hell would make life a little less terrible.", "impulsive buying has me financially screwed has anyone been so screwed over financially because of BPD and overcome their debt? I have a decent paying job but I don't save any of my money- most of it goes right to bills and I have very little left over for things I need. I have to pay for my boyfriend's food as well as my own and I feel like I'm trapped. My documented income is too high for any state assistance because they do not take into account my student loans or other debts. I've maxed credit cards and I'm terrified of getting any unexpected bills. I just keep ignoring the problem and buying anyway (like coffee every morning). I feel like I just can't stop. Has anyone experienced this and ended up financially ok?" ] }, { "feature_id": 798, "label": "The feature identifies the dynamics, boundaries, and interpersonal challenges within the therapeutic relationship.", "pearson_r": 0.6372345955295906, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.06194148376356226, "mean_pos": 3.5616090297698975, "top_texts": [ "I’ve had the same therapist since I was fourteen, and I really started feeling like it was time to get a new one about a year ago. She became very pushy and trying to force me to do things I wasn’t yet ready to do. A complete lack of boundaries. She would also talk a lot about her personal life in our sessions, sometimes more than I, the client, would. I assumed that she just knew me best because she’s known me since I was a kid. I’m definitely going to seek out a new therapist, thank you!", "I haven't been told anything like this before, but I have been on the recieving end of my T setting some pretty hard core boundaries which are very jarring and make me see her as somewhat formal and distant rather than someone who cares for me (even in a professional capacity). For context, she is a psychodynamic psychotherapist. From the start it's been pretty clear that there is to be no out of session contact, you arrive at your scheduled time and leave on time etc. I can handle this. But once I asked her for a reality check on my perception of something, and she said, \"I'm not here to give advice. This isn't life coaching.\" Ouch!!!! That hurt big time.", "I didn't specifically ask, but I had a session about a year ago where I was expressing dissatisfaction with how therapy was going. My therapist at that point in time volunteered that she found me difficult to connect with, dismissive, and that she felt unheard in our sessions. It destroyed me and sent me in to a strong suicidal spiral. My therapist was relational psychodynamic in orientation and believed it was crucial to be truthful about things, otherwise nothing ever changed. It was too truthful for me at that time, far too much. Just beware, that's all." ] }, { "feature_id": 4540, "label": "The feature represents the psychological construct of external validation-seeking and the reliance on others' attention or admiration to regulate self-worth.", "pearson_r": 0.5003254996764258, "pred_f1": 0.6956521739130435, "freq": 0.06827532099734017, "mean_pos": 3.0580661296844482, "top_texts": [ "I'm diagnosed with HPD. My main way of getting attention is playing a victim by constantly oversharing about my mental health issues, self-harm, and other stuff. Whenever I'm craving for a specific person's attention it's like I automatically get sad so that I'm able to \"vent\" to them and get their sympathy and worry.", "I don’t tend to seek supply from specific individuals. Rather, I seek supply in my achievements, my looks, etc. Things like getting a high grade or being seen as intelligent, and receiving compliments and attention on my appearance/style. I just try to be the most impressive version of myself, and I let everything speak for itself. People are obnoxious when they’re overtly arrogant, so I know I can’t go around expecting supply because I‘m special (even though I believe I am).", "I feel perpetually empty and only briefly feel happy when I get a compliment or achieve something. The worst part? This satisfaction isn’t even remotely lasting. If I feel any satisfaction and pride at all, it is a momentary blip of a reward that leaves me starving for more. I’ve always realized I’m insatiable but it can get to the point where lack of attention and admiration is so debilitating that I have no energy to do anything. Yet, whenever I actually do get the praise I so desperately crave, it barely affects me (at least not for long), and I’m back to square one, feeling numb and waiting for the next brief interruption of my emptiness." ] }, { "feature_id": 5460, "label": "The feature represents the experience of persistent physical fatigue, exhaustion, and low energy levels.", "pearson_r": 0.8281490112976972, "pred_f1": 0.9, "freq": 0.05118735528808435, "mean_pos": 4.04130744934082, "top_texts": [ "Anyone else that has BPD constantly tired/exhausted and doesn't have much energy a lot of the time?", "Can you experience fatigue from depression without your mood being low? My mood has been better as of late, but I feel tired and lethargic most of the time. I don't feel sick, and I haven't been doing anything physically exhausting. Just wondering if this could be depression.", "I'm very tired. The last decade or so has been one" ] }, { "feature_id": 8705, "label": "The feature captures the experience of processing grief and bereavement.", "pearson_r": 0.563963041471361, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.057234160623050576, "mean_pos": 3.562041997909546, "top_texts": [ "Most of all, find a therapist that can be your primary support. While the support of your friends would be nice (and as your friends, such support seems obligatory), s trained professional will help you sort out the grief & the social situations (such as issues with friends) that inevitably go alongside it. Also — find a grief group! My sister is part of a group through The Dinner Party and has made some great friends who also know how to handle grief. I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Sending love 🤍", "I feel like I am lost. It has been one week since my mother has passed away from cancer. At first, I had mixed feelings since I was sad she died but happy that she was finally at peace. Recently, I have noticed a change in my behaviour. I have become more lazy and forgetting to do homework for school (I am in first year university). I have a younger sibling in high school and I feel like I need to \"man up\" and start being more like an adult. But I am confused as to where/what I should do, focus on studies and be strong in front of my sibling or give into my sadness and see a counselor. My father, recently, has been very mad towards me with my laziness towards school and he critiques me for everything I do. \n\nI feel like Robin Williams' character in \"Good Will Hunting\" when he references the painting he drew of a guy on a boat and how he felt as though he was lost at sea, not knowing what would happen next. I also do not know what is going to happen next and I feel lost, scared and sad. ", "Witnessed something horrifying...don't know how to deal with it. (Some context:) In january of this year my ex boyfriend broke up with me because I admitted to kissing another guy a few months prior. We were in a serious relationship, so it was devastating. However, we stayed in contact after we broke up and even hung out. We also argued about unresolved issues in our relationship.\n\nThis is what happend, last month: \nOne day, after a night of arguing, he came into my dorm, begging me to \"confess\" that I slept with the other guy. I kept denying it, because I honestly didn't, but he didn't believe me, so we started arguing. \nThen, out of pure impulse (this happend very quickly) \nhe grabbed my pairing knife off of my shelf and stabbed himself in the abdomen.\nHe immediately regretted it and told me to call 911. \nI called 911, then he fainted. I followed the instructions that 911 gave me until paramedics arrived and he was taken to the hospital. \nThe next day, I found out that he fell into a coma due to lack of oxygen to his brain. About a week later, he passed away.\n\nIt's surreal and fucking horrible and I can't believe he's gone at such a young age. I have no idea how to deal with it. It feels unreal. It's like a horrible nightmare that I can't wake up from. It's fucking unbelievable that a person could disappear so quickly, and so easily. Reality is so fucking cruel. I wish I could speak to him one more time, just so that our last moment together isn't so shitty.. but he's gone forever, and it's eating away at me." ] }, { "feature_id": 5353, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience of auditory hallucinations or internal monologue perceived as an external or distinct \"voice.\"", "pearson_r": 0.5455639413391139, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.04900591285711552, "mean_pos": 4.149930000305176, "top_texts": [ "What are voices like? What do voices sound like? When there is nothing going on I sort of hear voices, but they are not like actually there, like thoughts but voices.", "I just hear a vaguely male voice. It never really sounds like my own", "I’ve yet to hear a direct voice speaking at me, so far indirect, or indistinct chatter, or like a loud \"PSST\". It’s odd to explain but it’s like the sound is coming from both inside and outside my head. Like when I hear chatter, it sounds like it’s coming from downstairs (while I’m upstairs) but it also sounds like it’s coming from within my head. It can be annoying enough that it keeps me up because my brain is focused on listening." ] }, { "feature_id": 3362, "label": "The feature represents the discussion of specific medication dosages, titration schedules, and frequency of administration.", "pearson_r": 0.6677084079560185, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.046384354847968774, "mean_pos": 4.302717685699463, "top_texts": [ "I'm essentially your same build. I started with 12.5 mg every 6 hours (3x per day). Once you see how your body reacts, you can adjust your dosage. ", "That’s the thing, it’s only been a week. 300mg three times daily.", "I have mild to moderate anxiety and I need at least 150 mg per day. I typically dose 50-75mg every 2-4 hours depending on how I'm feeling that day." ] }, { "feature_id": 13575, "label": "Academic performance-related stress and anxiety.", "pearson_r": 0.7539886818909706, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.061482232725463555, "mean_pos": 3.2414228916168213, "top_texts": [ "junior year got me fucked up it’s late at night and i’m too anxious to sleep from all of my thoughts\n\njust thinking about my future gives me anxiety because i’m losing motivation. i want to keep doing well in school, but i’m so stressed and it’s just... so hard to keep up with everything. i’m a straight a student and and at the top of my class, but these days i just want to give up. i have so many standardized tests i have to take within the next couple of months, but i can’t balance studying it with my classes. i’m failing my quizzes in math... and i’ll probably fail my test on thursday \n\nim so overwhelmed!! i don’t know how i can even make past this semester without breaking down every other week. i’m really trying my best and i’ve been trying to study, but there’s just not enough time in a day\n\ni feel like a failure and i don’t want to keep being a disappointment that i always am to my parents. being the black sheep of the family has really taken a toll on me and i just wish i could prove to everyone that i’m more than that. i’ve been having so many mental breakdowns i wish i could just stop time but i can’t because life fucking SUCKS \n\ni’m going to cry myself to sleep now or something. maybe i’ll be better before i go to school tomorrow. goodnight. ", "School is causing my depression Recently my grades have been slipping in school and it shouldn’t be affecting me as much as it is, but I’m becoming depressed and have constant anxiety attacks because of it. Bad grades usually cause this to happen to me but this time I really don’t know how to handle it.\n I’m currently failing my algebra class and the stress has been causing me to fail several other subjects because I haven’t had the time to focus on anything else other than this single class. Because of this I’ve gone weeks without getting enough sleep, I stay up until 4am trying to study but I just can’t comprehend the material in front of me. I cant understand even the most basic concepts and it’s causing me to become stressed beyond belief.\n I’m always breaking down in class and at home and I haven’t been able to do my usual activities because of it, I’ve had to skip a lot of after school actives to try to focus on this class but I’m too stressed to handle it at all. It’s gotten to the point that I’d rather be hit by a car at an intersection on the walk to my next class than even go to it to begin with. I haven’t been able to talk to any of my friends and family and the stress from this single class has carried into every second of my life and I don’t know how to handle any of the emotions and stress I’m dealing with at all.", "I need help, please Dont know how to start this, Im 17, just a regular high school student who always look happy and always laughing with my friend at school, but that isn’t “the real me”. So Lots of shit happened in the past 6 months, my parents keep pushing me to get the best mark on every test, my close friend started leaving me one by one and i dont have friend at school. i live in Asia and as an asian student ( im not trying to be racist) we suppose to master EVERY single subject in school. I feel A LOT if pressures crushing me. and i dont know how to release this pressure, i feel like i cant breathe every time i look at the exam paper.\n\nAnd... there’s a girl at school that i like, i have made a lot of plans so that she will accept me as her bf, BUT FAILED HAHAHA\n\n\n\nMy back ( around back and neck ) is getting heavier every day, I cant breathe normally anumore, i dont want to die ( suicide ), it’ll make it worse, i just wanted to release this pain so that i can be happy again, I really need help guys, please." ] }, { "feature_id": 15117, "label": "The feature represents the somatic experience of physical tension or discomfort in the lower extremities.", "pearson_r": 0.5892726918064509, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.03962953749593372, "mean_pos": 4.992988586425781, "top_texts": [ "my legs hurt.", "my legs hurt.", "on my legs and feet i wore leggings, jeans, and then the bib." ] }, { "feature_id": 10265, "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding autism spectrum disorder, including personal diagnosis, social perception, and symptom manifestation.", "pearson_r": 0.5361029416481436, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.043150462121357085, "mean_pos": 4.3967180252075195, "top_texts": [ "i am not saying people with autism can't be bad, I am saying that when someone shows symptoms tht are similar to autism , people's mindset somehow think 'she must be horrible' and when I said something like 'maybe she didn't give eye contact because she has autism ' they act like I say something worse than what they said.\nthere is a HUGE difference between someone saying racist things and actually doing something horrible (like calling people names and being a bad person) vs some behavior that actually CAN be autism(for example, not posting something happy the same day your family died because they actually don't understand the social impact of it OR leaving a party because it's too loud or just actually not understanding social cues). it is important recognize this rather than always assuming when people say someone is bad than tht means it's true. \nthis is my point. nowhere did I ever say people with autism can't be bad.", "in my opinion no one whatsoever tht isn't struggling would say they have autism. \nautism didn't have as good of a rep especially when getting hired.", "Anyone else here have autism as well as depression? I'm 24m with high functioning autism. I'm just wondering because to me life is hard to grasp when you have autism and, as I've noticed, it's even harder when depression hits.\n\nI'm sure there are some of you... i guess i just feel alone and so alienated that i wish somebody could relate. I wish i wasn't alone but i am. \n\nDepression is hard for me to put in words. In fact, i seem to not understand anything as is and it's so frustrating. \n\nI'm just wondering if there is anyone out there who feels like i do. Because right now, it feels like I'm an alien on the wrong fucking planet and I'm drowning from its atmosphere. I hate being different. \n\nI wish for true anonymity." ] }, { "feature_id": 5834, "label": "The feature represents the experience and expression of intense, self-directed or externalized hatred.", "pearson_r": 0.7508512836956351, "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947, "freq": 0.04975219579402591, "mean_pos": 3.7964401245117188, "top_texts": [ "I've been working on my hatred for the past few months, since i \"officially\" left Christianity, but the more i am trying to not hate them, the more they are reaffirming my beliefs of why i should hate them", "' by now, a small intense knot of hatred swelling in my stomach.", "Depression through Hate? Depression is commonly associated with extreme sadness but what if that sadness is formed through hatred of yourself?" ] }, { "feature_id": 11496, "label": "The feature represents the discussion and clinical conceptualization of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).", "pearson_r": 0.6836371019678991, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.03905547369831034, "mean_pos": 4.689861297607422, "top_texts": [ "If you have NPD and don’t think self esteem is a think then god damn I’m jealous of you", "What do you mean? How thinking of yourself as too superior and too smart compared to other would ruin your self-confidence? It would rather increase it and deepen npd traits.", "The few narcissists I knew were deep down very insecure and had fragile egos so I can imagine them genuinely seeing threats when there weren't any. " ] }, { "feature_id": 2733, "label": "The feature represents the process of gaining conscious insight into one's own maladaptive behaviors or psychological patterns.", "pearson_r": 0.6267780528236028, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.057234160623050576, "mean_pos": 3.137711524963379, "top_texts": [ "My point is that I did not realise he was no good for me. I don't think anyone *consciously* places themselves in a situation of suffering. I think we unconsciously do, yes. But I think my T believes I may have had more awareness of the situation than I actually did at the time.", "100%. It probably had to be this painful for me to gain that awareness too.", "you talk like anyone can become truly self aware when he has a personality-disorder\n\nif you were self aware completely, you wouldn't had the pd to begin with\n\nunless you don't give a fuck ofc" ] }, { "feature_id": 5655, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience and psychological impact of alcohol consumption.", "pearson_r": 0.540787486754958, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.03844313898084541, "mean_pos": 4.656674861907959, "top_texts": [ "Alcohol makes me extremely depressed. Hello everyone. I've been struggling with depression for many many years, but last year has been especially bad; basically since I started going to university. From time to time I'd get super drunk when I was home alone. It helped distract me from the pain, relax and enjoy the moment. I went abroad to work last summer with some friends, and we were drinking and partying heavily during the weekends. It was one of the best summers ever, and definitely the happiest I've been during last year or two. After I came back home, it hit me again. So I tried to drink it away as I was doing all summer, but it stopped working. When I drink now I get extremely depressed. Sometimes already during the night, usually when I wake up the next day. I hate myself much much more than regularly, can't get out of bed not because I'd have a hungover, I'm just super fucking depressed. It also has nothing to do with how the night of drinking went. I could be having the best time and suddenly my mood drops to the deepest depression, sooner or later. Any of you with the similar experience?", "How does alcohol make you feel? I'm not sure if this is a thing, but when I drink I never quite get fully drunk like other people seem to experience it. Ok yes I've had nights where I've drunk alot and got really drunk, but the majority of the time, even when I drink loads it seems my mind can never quite switch off and I'm always sensible. This is good obviously but sometimes I wish it would switch off and I could feel normal.", "Chatoic Drunk Idk why but I tend to get extremely chaotic when I’m drunk and can’t figure out why. Literally the night will be fine and I’d be having a good time with friends but then I can tend to drink more bc for some reason since it takes me awhile for the liq to hit me. Towards the end of the night all the alcohol will get me unknowingly at once and I’ll be extremely destructive. Habits like stealing and breaking stuff with no regards come about. It’s fun and games until I end up getting locked up and I really see that happening at this rate. I’m tired of waking up in the morning regretting my decisions. I do think it might be some kind of pent up anger that I release when I’m drunk, I just want to have a good time with my friends and get extremely drunk with minimal worries. This has been a clear pattern and I want it to stop. Wish I could just get wish of the inner anger/sadness... I believe it will get go for sure but I want to get lit with my people." ] }, { "feature_id": 10773, "label": "The feature represents the dilemma and process of disclosing a mental health diagnosis to others.", "pearson_r": 0.5314328762963253, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.05118735528808435, "mean_pos": 3.4794721603393555, "top_texts": [ "When do you tell new SO about BPD? I know it's really our choice and if you don't want to share you don't have to. However my new partner has been really supportive and wants to understand. \n\nAt the moment he knows I have a mental health problems but I haven't gone into specifics. \n\nFor the usual reasons we don't tell people...\n\nFirstly, I don't want to come across as attention-seeking, needy or dramatic.\n\nSecondly, I don't want to scare him off. \n\nThirdly, although it does affect me daily I am in a better place than I was when I was diagnosed. I don't know if it's appropriate to say I have this condition and make him worry unnecessarily.\n\nSo all the standard BPD overthinking! \n\nWhat do you guys think? And also inviting people to share their stories as I'd love to hear how things have gone telling people and how you felt when you told people. \n\n\n", "I wish you all the strength with this and I would tell your family the truth and just tell them what the facts are and let them decide for themselves what that means. And tell them how this makes you feel. Scared, angry, whatever. Let them know. It'll be good for both you and them. At least that's my experience.", "TL:DR; Yes. I tell everyone who's going to exist around me for a while, both cause I don't care if they don't like my mental illness, and to help prepare them a little since some of my symptoms might affect them in a way." ] }, { "feature_id": 8034, "label": "The feature represents the experience of strained, complex, or negative interpersonal dynamics within one's family unit.", "pearson_r": 0.5950212427549195, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.043667119539218126, "mean_pos": 4.06551456451416, "top_texts": [ " it's different with my family. I know my family doesn't like me. But I've also known them since I was born obviously so I'm used to their opinions. It's extremely rare that I come across someone I can be 100% sure will like me.", "Anyone else gets depressed when family members visit? I don't know why, but sometimes when I have a visit from family members, I almost always end up feeling really off, to the point where I'd start being a bit passive aggressive toward them, which would make me instantly regret after they leave.\n\nI live far away from my immediate family members, which means I don't get to see them that often. I love my family and cherish the limited time that I get to spend with them, yet I often find myself inexplicably depressed whenever any of them pays me a visit. Oftentimes, I find it stressful to try and find activities I could do with them to keep them entertained during their stay. I also would get annoyed sometimes when I don't get time for myself or time to do productive things/follow my regular schedule like when I have no company.\n\nI think part of it comes from the fact that as an introvert, I need alone time to recharge. Therefore, when there's always someone else constantly being in my space, I'd get exhausted. However, I think I can control the situation better, since my family members know enough to respect my space when I need it. I just can't seem to remember to let them know that or know how to even inform them of that. Instead, I'd let my negative emotions get the better of me and make me depressed/grumpy during the limited amount of time that I get to spend with my beloved family members. I'd try to hide my depressive mood, which would sometimes backfire and make me snap at my family. After they leave, I'd almost always feel guilty and sad that I haven't made their stay as good as it could have got.\n\nAnother part of it might come from my unhealthy attitude toward my parents. Occasionally, during depressive episodes, I'd find myself blaming my parents for having given birth to me. At this point in life, I hate my existence more than I love it, even though I care enough about my loved ones to have no plans of killing myself. I don't feel hatred toward my parents when they visit, but maybe I subconsciously get negative feelings when I see them as a result of my attitude toward how they gave birth to me?\n\nSorry this has been an incoherent ramble. I guess this is sort of a rant to get me off my chest and to see if anyone else suffers from the same issue. Any advice on why this happens or how to deal with it would be much much appreciated. I love my family and I really wanna treat them well, especially when I get to see them in person.", "Kenne ich alles nur zu gut, so ziemlich meine gesamten Familie ist so, auch schon vor Corona." ] }, { "feature_id": 11802, "label": "The feature represents financial distress and the solicitation of monetary assistance.", "pearson_r": 0.6416718610473882, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.0504984787309363, "mean_pos": 3.48856258392334, "top_texts": [ "So what I am asking is someone or somebody's to help me with the rest of the repair cost. The repair is 575 dollars, I have about 200 of that currently, I need to get this done soon before I am stuck on the side of the road with a broken down vehicle and spending unnecessary money on Ubers or Lyft. I'm willing to pay back monthly with acceptable interest until it's paid in full. I get paid bi-weekly at my full time job. Thanks in advance!", "The vet went ahead and removed it but the cost was over $4000. She has a gofundme to try to raise some bucks to pay for the surgery so I thought I'd post it here to see if anyone could help. Danika is the direct beneficiary and every dime will be going to her directly, not through any middlemen. Here is the gofundme link: Thanks again everyone, any little bit helps.", "I have banner Aetna and it covers it. It would originally be like $1,000 but I pay like $15-25" ] }, { "feature_id": 6181, "label": "The feature represents the discussion of addiction recovery, substance dependency, and the challenges of overcoming addictive behaviors.", "pearson_r": 0.7515232229232707, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.046288677548364875, "mean_pos": 3.7361323833465576, "top_texts": [ "I have several addictions. Just because *you* don't get addicted doesn't mean everyone else is like that. You don't have to have empathy to realize that it's just common sense. OP is trying to overcome addiction so telling them to do crack is stupid.", "For most addictions going cold turkey appears to be the best idea. There are plenty of people who went celibate for a while because they hit rock bottom and it seems to have helped them. The good thing about programs like 12 step is the whole sponsor thing. Even if you end up not committing to the program, getting in touch with people who have been where you are is always a good idea. Just make sure none of them are women. Sounds a bit iffy but it's honestly so soulcrushing when two people on the path to recovery derail each other.", "You know the funny thing about addiction. It's not a straight fucking line. How about we not hold people to a standard that makes things worse and not better. (Source: an addict in recovery)" ] }, { "feature_id": 11321, "label": "The feature detects the presence of physical head pain or somatic cephalalgia symptoms.", "pearson_r": 0.5030269381280179, "pred_f1": 0.18181818181818182, "freq": 0.03448209877724411, "mean_pos": 4.799717426300049, "top_texts": [ "i sit up, my head hurts.", "but, it fits my head.", "I have had hppd for about 3.5 years along side chronic head aches! I notice my hppd symptoms and my head ache triggers are very similar and when one is really bad the other is too." ] }, { "feature_id": 7013, "label": "The feature represents the experience of being dismissed, invalidated, or ignored by others.", "pearson_r": 0.6662064341944424, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.05924338391473239, "mean_pos": 2.787747859954834, "top_texts": [ "I feel like I am just being written off because of my diagnosis before anyone even tries to look into it and see if anything else might be at play. I'd just as soon not say anything about my PTSD to be taken seriously, but it appears in my medical records. Or when I list my medications as required, Drs usually ask me what the meds are treating and it comes up then. Has anyone else had this experience? What has worked for you to be taken seriously?", "Being invalidated by people who are important to me. Being made to feel like I’m not taken seriously, not believed, or just too much. That kind of stuff.", "I've found that because I've had mental illness for so long, people just ignore my cries for help when I get bad again Tl;dr: I've suffered with mental illness for 8 years. I'm beginning to find that after a while, people just started ignoring your cries for help. \n\nI'm 21 and was initially diagnosed with depression when I was 13. I've had self harm tendencies/suicidal thoughts since I was 14 and tried to commit suicide when I was 16\n\nThough I'm usually pretty in control of my emotions the majority of the time, sometimes I will spiral and get stuck in a depressive episode for weeks. When that happens, I get hit hard and suddenly feel like there's no end.\nI'm not one of those people that can hide it very well - maybe for the first fortnight but usually something will break me and it'll all come out. \n\nWhat I've noticed is that people kind of stop taking you seriously the more times these episodes happen. A couple weeks ago after a bad job interview, I told my boyfriend that all I wanted to do was go home and \"do the stupid thing\" (meaning self harm) and he just kind of ignored it. Maybe he didn't understand what I meant but anyway, afterwards when he saw the marks he asked me why I didn't call him and I nearly lost my head. \n\nMy mum has been supportive throughout my adolescence and I've noticed it either as well. She takes antidepressants so I'd like to think she understands but now most of the time, I kind of just get the \"it could be worse, look at the positives\" spiel. \n\nRecently I have been getting quite bad and wondering \"what if I did it, what if I did just give up for good\" but because I've said it so many times, no one really takes me seriously because I am still here. \nHas anyone else noticed this? I understand that people's patience wears thin after a while but heck, having this illness is also pretty freaking exhausting." ] }, { "feature_id": 13283, "label": "The feature represents the clinical discussion and personal experience of psychosis.", "pearson_r": 0.6259580796719357, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.04100729061022982, "mean_pos": 3.9594593048095703, "top_texts": [ "Heya thank you! I went on antipsychotics for a while which helped me recover from psychosis", "You can get psychotic if you are to exhausted to even think about anything else but sleep.", "OP I don't know if psychodynamic psychotherapy is the right modality for you, given the frequent episodes of psychosis and the obsessive transference you are experiencing. It might be time to do something more structured like ACT or even good old fashioned CBT, which has evidence in reality testing for psychotic disorders." ] }, { "feature_id": 12042, "label": "The feature represents interpersonal conflict and emotional distress specifically involving siblings.", "pearson_r": 0.5204553817282965, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.02994699477601944, "mean_pos": 5.223086833953857, "top_texts": [ "Brother is getting on my nerves I'm 23 and my brother is 27.\n\nWe moved in together. I do freelance work, which is work basically enough to get by. I work on hobbies and other stuff on the side. My brother also works, etc.\n\nHe helped me pay some stuff and I'm slowly paying that back. Which I have been paying back.\nIt was a bit hard to move in and cost more than I thought but I've basically leveled everything out and we split bills so everything is just slowly getting taken care of.\n\nHe drinks a bit and when he does or when he's hungover he gets mad at me. If he asks me to do something and I don't do it, he will get mad. If I'm doing something he doesn't like, he'll get mad and make me seem like the most lazy unappreciative self absorbed piece of shit you could think of.\n\nIt's taking a toll on me, and now I realize how it's all working out I'm kind of stuck. I live with it now but I also live with him and I just want to find a way to handle it without feeling demoted after every fight. I have goals I'm working towards, I don't really need him pressing me back every time cause I didn't cater to him.\n\nAny help appreciated!", "needless to say i was pretty...unaffacted about the fact my brother knew who i was on reddit and thought his way of telling me was pretty funny.", "STRONG triggers included: SA \n. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Am I an asshole for not telling my sister I got SA by her husband?Four days after my mother died, my younger brother left me alone in the house. The next day, while staying at my sister's place, I was sexually assaulted by her husband. My brother did absolutely nothing.I asked him to stay just one more day, but he refused, saying he had quizzes and was afraid of his lecturers. Then he called me a coward. After that, he said the most ignorant, ableist thing you could ever say to an autistic person with executive dysfunction, Dependent Personality Disorder, and mental illness. I can’t even bring myself to repeat it. It made me realize he didn’t even see me as his sister because of my mental illness.I never asked him to stay before—only this once, after our mother’s death—but he still refused. We argued, and he ignored my texts.I stayed with my sister because I couldn’t be in that huge, empty house alone. One night, I dreamed my late mom had recovered, and I told her to come home. She smiled at me. Then I woke up.Someone was touching my body. I thought it was my sister, so I didn’t react at first. But then they almost touched my breast and tried to hug me. This went on for a while. I finally glanced over. It was my brother-in-law.I shot up from the bed. He stopped. His eyes were closed. I wondered if he thought I was my sister. He’s a bit aloof, and I sometimes think he might be autistic, too, so I wasn’t sure if it was mistaken identity or if he was actually asleep.I left the room. When he came out, I told him I was going back home. He casually said, “Oh, but I’m going to work, and the key would be with me.” I lied and said, “No, I’m going straight to the office.” He just nodded. He seemed completely unbothered. I struggle with reading expressions, but he did not seem concerned.I stayed at a friend’s house for the night and texted my brother about what happened. He saw the message but didn’t reply. I knew he wouldn’t react, but I wanted him to remember this when he grows up and acts like he’s mature.I didn’t tell my sister. She depends on her husband for everything, and we have no other male figure in the house. Our parents are gone, and our cousins aren’t involved in our lives. I only have my sister, and I can’t bear to live alone. My younger brother judges me solely by my age, ignoring my autism, ADHD, and other conditions. He never offers to help me manage my symptoms—he sees me as less than human.But the memory of what happened haunts me. Am I the asshole for not telling my sister?\nhttps://reddit.com/r/AutisticAdults/comments/1ikm7dj/trigger_warning_my_brother_left_me_behind_4_days/" ] }, { "feature_id": 609, "label": "The feature represents the challenges, stressors, and emotional complexities associated with parenting or interacting with young children.", "pearson_r": 0.5762585463777972, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.045638071911058384, "mean_pos": 3.3824005126953125, "top_texts": [ "LORD no, kids have always been difficult for me, even when being a kid myself. I have no idea how to act around them. They're also really unpredictable in terms of reactions and questions and feelings and everything. Can't handle that. Also they require attention I just don't have in me.", "I have such a difficult time with my 3 year old sometimes. Her tantrums make me feel like my head is splitting open. You are heard and understood!! Glad you’re feeling better!", "It’s not spoiling a child to take them somewhere calm & quiet & help them handle their emotions in healthy & appropriate ways. This will also eventually lead them to no longer have outbursts like this because they will have the tools they need to handle this. Children have very intense emotions. Everything is really big for them & they have absolutely no understanding of their feelings. They have to be taught that" ] }, { "feature_id": 7307, "label": "The feature represents concerns and experiences regarding the use, side effects, and efficacy of prescription stimulant medication for ADHD.", "pearson_r": 0.6155856618462673, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.02432116955931036, "mean_pos": 6.220876216888428, "top_texts": [ "Which problems should Adderall solve? Which problems need lifestyle changes to address? I have been on Adderall for the first time for a month. I’m taking a low dose. I react very strongly to caffeine and apparently similarly to Adderall. I’m wired on this small dose. But besides that, I’m having a hard time figuring out whether it’s helping me. \n\nI’m about to see my doc again. And I don’t know what to tell him when he asks if it’s working for me. \n\nWhat should Adderall be doing for me? What other changes do I need to make to see progress in my life?", "How often can I take Adderrall safely without the vasoconstriction side effect causing problems down the line? I'm on 20 mg Xr + 10 mg IR\nI'm gonna be honest, I value my weiner. I value my sex drive. I want a healthy weiner and a healthy sex drive. So taking a vasoconstrictor every day brings me worry.\n\nI decided to only take my meds on Fri, Sat, and Sun (The things I need to accomplish in my personal life are more important than my job). I haven't gotten any work done. It almost feels like my life was put on hold and I'm back down a path where I could possibly get fired. I just spent 45 minutes of time I was supposed to be doing shit pacing around in circles. I literally had to stop and make this thread because this stater of mind is absolutely not sustainable.\n\n If I take it every other day...would that still have long lasting effects or would the vasoconstriction effects add up over time? Is there any way to counter the vasoconstriction effects and even things out? Like eating a bunch of Omega 3s or something?\n\nI'm not interested in switching medication. Adderral XR is literally perfect in terms of what it does for me mentally. I just want to know how much I can take regularly without worrying about the effects building up over time and causing ED or something", "I want to stop taking Adderall, so I have to worry about withdrawals? I think Adderall isn't really helping me in life right now, I started taking it for school, a couple months ago, left school because it wasn't for me, kept taking it and now I've been on it for 4 months almost... I've been having some problems and saw my doctor the other day, he said I should stop taking it. \n\nDo I have to worry about withdrawls? I have to work for the next couple of days, I want to stop asap, but might it be a better idea to wait for the weekend?" ] }, { "feature_id": 9303, "label": "The feature represents body image dissatisfaction and weight-related insecurities.", "pearson_r": 0.6957567480034834, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.037199334085994754, "mean_pos": 3.9644980430603027, "top_texts": [ "Wanting to look good and feel sexy in our own skin is a perfectly valid reason for losing weight. Even if it is because you know others think you look better. We are allowed to not consider ourselves sexy as we ourselves have our own body preferences. And if you want to lose weight to fit your own ideal of this. The. More power to you. :) I hope you soon start to feel more comfortable in your own body!!", "NTA AT ALL! I’m 5’ 2” and I weigh 100lbs. I’ve been told I have the “ideal body type,” but actually I have MANY gastrointestinal diseases and issues that cause me to struggle to maintain, much less gain weight. I should be 120-130, especially considering my nutritional deficiencies & the amount of supplements I take. The only reason I explained this is because I’m on the exact opposite end of the post: My body is idealized constantly, and I have to inform people that I’m underweight and NOT ideal. My arms are tiny, my ribs and bones jut out, I faint from getting up, I can’t stand for long periods of time from nutritional deficits. I bet this “dude” would tell me how hot my body is, and I would have STILL gotten into this argument w/ him because I’m VERY vocal about not having a healthy body! I don’t want ANYONE to idealize my UNHEALTHY body.", "I am back to my 'normal' body weight with almost the exact same measurements. But now that I'm here I don't look the same in clothes and I still don't fit things how I used to. I have gained and lost over 30lbs in the last 3 years and now my body somehow looks different even with the same measurements. I don't fit my old bras, or old clothes that I felt great in 3 years ago at this weight and it's really messing with my mind." ] }, { "feature_id": 3579, "label": "The feature represents the discussion of pharmacological treatments, specific antipsychotic medications, and their associated side effects or efficacy.", "pearson_r": 0.6204572429235407, "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947, "freq": 0.03645305114908437, "mean_pos": 4.030322551727295, "top_texts": [ "I'm on Rexulti which is very similar. They're both newer drugs and they are dopamine partial agonists/antagonists unlike most anti-psychotics which are dopamine antagonists.\n\nI haven't had any side effects like I have with other drugs. Invega made my negative symptoms 10x worse, put me in a horrible fog, and made me suicidal and sleep 14 hours at a time. Latuda gave me unbearable akathisia. Rexulti has had no side effects and if anything helps my negative symptoms a little bit.\n\nVraylar and Rexulti are known to cause a lot fewer side effects like drowsiness, weight gain, and akathisia. If you don't like one you can always try the other. I'd recommend giving Vraylar an honest go.", "Olanzapine was the only one that didn’t cause it for me but my doctor doesn’t want me on it due to the weight gain :( but at this point I feel like I’ll take weight gain over akathisia anyday.", "Olanzapine does it for me but it almost definitely causes some weight gain. You could try Lybalvi. From what I’ve understood it’s olanzapine and another substance that helps lessen the chance and effect of weight gain. Seroquel and Risperidone were awful for me too." ] }, { "feature_id": 1866, "label": "The feature represents the complex, often ambivalent or strained emotional dynamics of the mother-child relationship.", "pearson_r": 0.59727168669375, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.03631910292963891, "mean_pos": 3.9861514568328857, "top_texts": [ "Yup. That was our mom. She was like that with everything in our lives. I consider her to be very sadistic", "There’s a lot of discourse around how men’s relationship with their mothers affect their view on woman these days. It’s a hurtful assumption, but I have been on that end myself and it’s always come from a place of fear for me not a place of accusation because of how many times I’ve heard ‘how he treats his mother is how he treats women’.", "Advice? Tl;dr: My mother might be adding considerable amounts of stress on me, but is in denial. She’s also an amazing woman who is incredibly supportive of me and is struggling with PTSD/Depression. \n\nI discovered something very disturbing to me just now. I recently moved back in with family after a breakdown and have been doing better than I ever have in my life. My mother is my best friend and we’ve suffered through a lot of our trauma together. We’re the only ones that truly understand each other’s situation. My therapist has mentioned our codependent nature but I’ve always brushed it off until today. \nYesterday we got into an argument (like we often do) and I decided to record most of it. I was shocked. I’d always thought that I had been the aggressive one. I thought that I misinterpreted situations and that it was only my issue to deal with. During that seven minute video I heard her yell at me nonstop while I cried. This was because I asked her to not speak to me aggressively in the car. She was babbling. I just wanted it to stop. I was so frustrated. I haven’t had an episode in over a month. I’m afraid my mother might be keeping me from getting better but I really have no choice but to live here. I’m scared because I know I’m the only one that understands what she’s going through as well. I want to be here with her but I feel like she needs more help than I do at this point. " ] }, { "feature_id": 2230, "label": "The feature represents the concept of silence, stillness, or a reduction in external and internal stimulation.", "pearson_r": 0.6352577065607913, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.04542758185192981, "mean_pos": 3.052626371383667, "top_texts": [ "Sometimes, it's nice to be silent and not talk unless approached. Means using less energy.", "things are relatively quiet.", "the class is silent." ] }, { "feature_id": 10054, "label": "The feature represents the age-related clinical criteria and diagnostic restrictions for personality disorders.", "pearson_r": 0.7902976653572211, "pred_f1": 0.8888888888888888, "freq": 0.040835071470942806, "mean_pos": 3.338106393814087, "top_texts": [ "You can have traits of a personality disorder in childhood and adolescence; typically, professionals will only diagnose personality disorders in teens (except for antisocial personality disorder, which you *have* to be 18 for) if the symptoms remain present for at least a year, although most are reluctant to give them out due to the fact that our personalities are still shaping themselves (and being a teenager tends to be a turbulent experience, anyways)", "Yes. You have to be 18 to get the diagnosis. She would have CD or ODD.", "They probably won't diagnose you under 18, but by age 17 they should at least acknowledge it's a possibility; especially if you've shown symptoms since 14." ] }, { "feature_id": 11974, "label": "The psychological impact and challenges of working or spending extended time at home.", "pearson_r": 0.5735825301239595, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.04376279683882202, "mean_pos": 3.0840868949890137, "top_texts": [ "My WFH job also causes me so much stress. Doing it in your own home is almost worse than doing it in the office. I spend the time I’m not working dreading my next shift and thinking about all the shit I need to do.", "The problem is that staying at home makes you feel secure and doesnt increase your level of anxiety. A very alluring feeling, you'll do anything to keep your mind occupied but will be puctuated by rumination and intrusive thought you'll attempt to quickly suppress. By doing so eventually you'll become depressed and when you'll decide to break off the chain of your rout you'll feel more naked coz you havent build an \"anxiety armor\". And to build it will take alot of time and eventually you'll end up in therapy anyway.", "Keep an eye on your dosage during times with less external stimuli(isolation,homeoffice) This is an reminder to myself, because I just remembered that I wanted to remember to be aware of my obersavation that\n\nI maybe need reduce my dosage during times with less external stimuli - like beeing at home for days in this weird times. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI noticed that during my last holiday, when I stayed at home for 2 weeks, took the same dosage (MPH) as I would during work and spiraled down into doing nothing and hating myself for that.\n\nI talked to my doctor about it - he just slowly repeated what I said:\n\n>So you stayed at home for 2 weeks. \nYou could have done anything you wanted. \nBut you had trouble to start the simplest thing. \nAnd because you did nothing, you felt worse every day.\n\nThis is what adhd does. \nIt's nasty. And we need to be aware of it, to fight it. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nKeep yourself busy. Set goals. Keep a routine despite homeoffice! \nThis is a great time for hyperfocus, but also a time to be extra aware of the effects of adhd." ] }, { "feature_id": 1885, "label": "The feature represents the cognitive and emotional struggle to engage in reading as a marker of mental health recovery or decline.", "pearson_r": 0.5443794453866777, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.03098030961174152, "mean_pos": 4.342987060546875, "top_texts": [ "Trying read to read books while I job hunt and it's fucking impossible. I used to read alot in my early teenage years. ", "Exciting realization this morning I can read books again!\n\nBackground: I used to read fantasy novels like there was no tomorrow when I was a child. When high school started, I got sucked into the internet and social media (and reddit...) and could get through maybe two books a year if I was lucky.\n\nI made a New Year's resolution this year to read a chapter a day and am now about to finish my fifth novel (Oathbringer, Lies of Locke Lamora, Red Seas Under Red Skies, Republic of Thieves, and City Stained Red, if anybody needs a recommendation!).\n\nIt's made me happier than I've been in awhile and I needed to share that with somebody!", "Reading as daily habit (struggling) Hello fellow dopamine surfers!\n\nThe last few years I've read 3 books, which is not much. I was only able to complete the books because I was depressed/either extremely interested in the presented subject. \n\nSince my recent diagnose and meds (MY LAAAWD), I believed I could start a reading habit in the evening which is wrong. And apparently this is a common thing (+ med levels decreasing/tired in the evening)\n\nI would really love to make reading work and enjoy it. I wondered if some of you have personal strategies to deal with this." ] }, { "feature_id": 12859, "label": "The feature detects the subjective evaluation of social interactions or situations as being \"weird.\"", "pearson_r": 0.6968491854528469, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.040548039572131114, "mean_pos": 3.209089756011963, "top_texts": [ "he was very weird.", "anyway it was weird.", "it was so weird." ] }, { "feature_id": 319, "label": "The feature represents skepticism and disillusionment toward the platitude that \"it gets better.\"", "pearson_r": 0.6246017839672184, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.042480721024129815, "mean_pos": 3.0012009143829346, "top_texts": [ "To the people that like to say it gets better: When?? Im so sick of this. Im 26 and have struggled with mental illness for 10 years. I did everything right to try to get better - meds, therapy, exercise, meditation, healthy eating, and everything keeps getting worse. Nothing has worked in 10 years... even a little. To be completely honest, I dont think everyone gets better. I think Im going to live in misery until I die, which is hopefully sooner rather than later. When people say that it gets better it just hurts all the more. Youre one of the lucky ones. I feel like someone who is desperately trying to lose weight and cant even though they are following all of the proper steps and see everyone around them dropping pounds like crazy from whatever new diet people are on. That person may never lose that weight. I may never get better. Why do we keep encouraging people to hold on, life gets better? Whats so great about living a waking nightmare just for the possibility of life maybe becoming more durable? I wish voluntary suicidew was legal. At least that way someone who needs a liver and actually wants a life can have a life. Fuck being stuck in 4 dimensional spacetime. Get me out of here.", "What gets better? Just a quick question: in what ways does life get better? I've spent years being told that life gets better but I'm still hurting every day mentally and physically. So to anyone who has any idea about what really gets better in life or anyone that has good reasons to keep pushing through life, I would love to hear from you.", "It does get better if you put in effort to make it better." ] }, { "feature_id": 14145, "label": "The feature represents the clinical experience and diagnostic classification of bipolar-related hypomanic and manic episodes.", "pearson_r": 0.6413952762188632, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.0362425610899558, "mean_pos": 3.370126485824585, "top_texts": [ "Antidepressants shoot me into mania (or hypomania). It turned out that, I had hypomanic episodes, but they weren't quite long enough in duration to be considered \"true\" hypomania. The result was that I technically have \"Other Specified Bipolar\", but it's way easier to just say Bipolar 2, since the only technicality is that my manic states are only a couple of days, as opposed to 4+. It's interesting.", "I meant time wise. Because the episodes never lasted too long. But, those were hypomania episodes in the past. This last episode went on for much longer, only it got interrupted by medication. Thank you", "I had a pretty severe mixed episode with impulsive suicidality that led to an overnight ER stay. I was asked to go inpatient (looking back, I should've done it), but left and saw a psychiatrist that same day and was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder with mixed mania. I was essentially extremely energetic but very emotionally fragile and would swing from euphoria to suicidality with intent in the same 30 mins. I couldn't stop crying and was afraid to be alone and so my husband decided it was time to go to the ER. That was at the beginning of May. I'm still in the mixed episode and am so tired of this. I'm seeing a psychologist this week for diagnostic clarity and am trying to get into an intensive outpatient program. I'm still struggling so much today :( I definitely feel like something is wrong, I can't sleep, I'm so depressed and impulsive and emotionally labile and easily irritated and I feel like I'm out of control. Your experience sounds like it was super intense, but I'm glad you had support around you and I wish you the best of luck as you handle this disorder <3" ] }, { "feature_id": 2942, "label": "The feature represents the exploration, validation, and navigation of gender identity and transition.", "pearson_r": 0.526199798123213, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.03570676821217398, "mean_pos": 3.4067697525024414, "top_texts": [ "Well. I saw younger, you know kids do have identity’s they are maybe not fully developed but if he is a he then he is a he. Now I would tell you before you get stressed, no kids can’t medically transition, at very best they can get puberty blocker so they can have more time to solidify their gender identity, now let it be and let him be himself", "Youve already identified with being transmasc and having ADHD and BPD, *yes? And* you like Minecraft. *Yes, and* you also go to the gym. Figuring out your identity is just accepting what you already know about yourself then finding something to follow the next \"and\". \nDoes that make sense or did I type my way into a knot?", "Fam, you're totally okay, you can dress however TF you want and still identify how you want to identify. For example, I'm a demiguy, which I feel like is similar to the way you feel. I'm a dude, but not *quite.* I'm not a girl either. To me, being a demiguy is kind of a mix of being transmasc and nonbinary. " ] }, { "feature_id": 14336, "label": "The feature represents the psychological struggle of leaving or being unable to leave an abusive or toxic interpersonal relationship.", "pearson_r": 0.8551167770560192, "pred_f1": 0.9090909090909091, "freq": 0.037926481562984365, "mean_pos": 3.18013596534729, "top_texts": [ "Yes. I left when I was 29 years old, but it was a very difficult process. To be honest, I left because my dad said that my life was over. I was mistreated at home pretty often, so I just left. I had enough of it. I was trying to leave since I was like 20, but the AvPD held me back. It took a lot of courage to leave, but I guess my feelings were also hurt, so I was acting impulsively as well.", "He causes emotional pain to me every day but I cannot get myself to leave him. He physically abuses me sometimes but it rarely leaves a mark or bruise. I feel like even if he cheats on me (again) I still won’t want to leave him. The only way I think I will leave him forever is if I end up hating him. And the only way I will hate him is if he caused physical harm that I cannot lie my way out of like I have in the past.", "Yes, I was in one for almost two years before I knee it..... and still couldn't leave I even after I realized due to the dpd. Just hoped and hoped he would change but really I felt like I NEEDED to be with him. I was only able to leave finally after he sa'd me....." ] }, { "feature_id": 10761, "label": "The feature represents hyper-fixation on facial perception and self-image dysmorphia.", "pearson_r": 0.6210469200710461, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.03115252875102853, "mean_pos": 3.8708622455596924, "top_texts": [ "Is anyone else a face lover? I find myself noticing and appreciating faces so often, my brain collects and catalogues every face I see into different face types. Not by any specific/noticable characteristics or expressions, not by emotion, just the look. I've always thought it was just because it's so easy to become obsessed with people, or that I'm so insecure about my own appearance that I take (deep) interest in other people's faces", "painted on my face.", ":p look at my face it's super chubby." ] }, { "feature_id": 13998, "label": "The feature captures the emotional distress and psychological impact of recurring dreams and nightmares.", "pearson_r": 0.5247337948820298, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.025048317036299967, "mean_pos": 4.8125081062316895, "top_texts": [ "Nightmares I fell into depression while in a relationship. Later, we broke up and now, I keep dreaming of that exact moment. Over and over again. Is there any way to stop nightmares?", "Dreams can hurt so much.. Not the first time I've had a dream like this, but it's very rare. Every time it happens though.. Is painful. I've had this type of dream around 4 to 5 times in my whole life.\n\n&nbsp;\n\nThe dream is so good that waking up hurts. I'm 16, kinda ugly teen who never had a gf and I'm not seeing a promising future. In the dream I could somehow \"feel\" holding hands, talking felt real and hell even the kiss was just awesome. Weird as fuck probably, but it was a perfect dream.. Waking up reminded me of the loneliness", "Dreams and nightmares Hey,\n\nBasically, I've been feeling really s!@# for a few years now, mostly related to specific bad events/interactions with people that have caused me severe issues like really low self-esteem, drifting further into introvertedness, very bad mental state and, most importantly, having an almost constant feeling of sadness, anger and every other bad emotion that makes me feel bad physically on the inside as well.\n\nWhat I want to focus on this post here is that I've had loads of nightmares in the recent years, replaying the bad events/interactions or finding myself in new ones with the same people that are just as bad and they feel so realistic, but my biggest issue is that I occasionally get what I would call 'good' dreams as well, where I see my hopes&wishes as a reality. \n\nFor example, today I had a dream about a girl I've been crushing on on&off in the past (but she friendzoned me very firmly) and we were together in that dream. But then I woke up, reality hit me instantly and I felt 1000x times worse than with any of the nightmares. I just don't know what to make of it, I'm in an emotional wreck and it's hard to stay on topic as I want to drift off to all the other bad s\\*\\*\\* that is going on in my life.\n\nI just wanted to know if any of you also get that sort of feeling where the nightmares that are scarring/reminding you for past and present events feel easier than 'good' dreams. And if so, how do you deal with it or cope with it?\n\nThanks." ] }, { "feature_id": 10205, "label": "The feature represents the conceptual analysis and questioning of empathy as a psychological construct.", "pearson_r": 0.6237215019564205, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.02879886718077269, "mean_pos": 4.183672904968262, "top_texts": [ "Does anyone here *really* feel ‘empathy’ for others? Lack of empathy is noted as pretty common symptom. A lot of the people who post on bpd forums (not just/only here) who talk about empathy (obligatory “not all”...) talk about it in more of a sense that’s more related to an effect their own feelings than someone else’s. \n\nDunno if this is a sensitive sub or not, just curious not trying to start anything", "You can be a narcissist and have empathy. Empathy is only one symptom criteria", "I think this gets a bit misunderstood to be honest. A real lack of empathy is something that shows up in action towards others not so much in how you feel. \n\nIf your friends father dies and you don’t share their pain that’s not a serious issue in my opinion but if you leave your 6 month old baby crying because it’s hungry and swimming in it’s own piss and shit so you can go out drinking because that’s more important to you than your babies well being, that is more in line with a complete lack of empathy in my opinion. From my experience people who have this level of empathy tend to lie about it and make excuses for it and attempt to justify it" ] }, { "feature_id": 12678, "label": "The feature represents the cognitive preoccupation with the dichotomy between positive and negative mental states or symptoms.", "pearson_r": 0.6860090790319512, "pred_f1": 0.7692307692307693, "freq": 0.029487743737920742, "mean_pos": 4.0774030685424805, "top_texts": [ "A bias towards the positive doesn't lead to anything. The negative always outweighs the positive. Any negative situation can shatter your world like a house of cards if you don't seriously address it. ", "*You can look at something and see the negative, or you can see the positives*.", "Pretty much. \n\nMy mind is an expert at deconstructing and warping every bit of positivity into something negative. Everyone keeps telling me to do this or that to combat it, nothing has worked. \n\nThings might change, you never know. Experience leads me to believe it won't, and that's fine in my world, but probably not for others. \n\n" ] }, { "feature_id": 1315, "label": "The feature represents the use of mobile applications as tools for behavioral regulation, digital intervention, or coping strategies.", "pearson_r": 0.5513537138931511, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.03209016628714671, "mean_pos": 3.5270934104919434, "top_texts": [ "Locking your phone during an episode? I hate that I call a million times when I'm acting up, and send a bunch of text that range from manipulating \"pity me\" messages to fullblown anger. I ALWAYS regret it in the morning. \n\nI feel it would be great if there was an app that could just completely turn off any ability to communicate for a couple of hours. Please tell if you have any good tips on apps or functions! I have an android.\n\nWhat I've tried already:\n\n* Different productivity / don't look at the phone apps. However they are super easy to bypass, and usually you can still see from the lockscreen if someone has sent you a message (I don't want to know if the person I want to spam has contacted me, it's very triggering if they haven't)\n\n* When I lived at home I would ask my Dad to hide my phone. It worked great in the beginning but then I got to be ace at finding it. And now I'm a responsible adult (lol) living by myself\n\n* Drain the phone battery and cut the charging cable. Yeah, I've only done this once and it was expensive. But it was worth it - VERY desperate situation.\n\nAs I'm writing this I feel like I'm a loser with no self discipline. I of course try to get better at not abusing my phone, but at the same time I do want a fool proof damage control.", "Stopping phone addiction Okay, I got this app called Space. Its for your phone and it is supposed to ask you once in a while if there is something else you should be doing. Like, a popup reminder to stop staring at your phone and get on with your life. I tried it out today and found myself spontaneously recaulking my bathroom tiles at midnight...we could be unstoppable if we just weren't so distracted. Imagine the things we could do!", "How do you manage to read proficiently on your phone or computer? Anytime I need to read large body of texts I end up skipping around and it takes longer than necessary.\nWhen I read on paper I can use a cue card and it’s easy, but on my phone and laptop it’s different.\nI wish phones had an accessibility feature that would block off part of the screen, like a cue card." ] }, { "feature_id": 4104, "label": "The feature represents the interpersonal dynamics and internal struggle associated with responding to direct inquiries about one's mental state or personal boundaries.", "pearson_r": 0.5105155369965633, "pred_f1": 0.782608695652174, "freq": 0.037275875925677875, "mean_pos": 3.0301716327667236, "top_texts": [ "When someone asks me an inappropriate question, I usually respond by saying 'what do you mean?' Gives them a chance to reflect on it. If they keep pushing, I go 'I don't tell people that kind of stuff'", "“What’s wrong” Not that anyone ever cares enough to ask, but last night I had a drink because I felt sad and my husband asked “why do you feel sad, what’s wrong”?\n\nIt’s such a hard question to answer. Everything, everything is wrong. \n\nEven though I want people to reach out... I don’t really know what to say when they do. \n\nDoes anyone else feel like this?", "\" she responded back in jest \"what the hell?" ] }, { "feature_id": 15323, "label": "The feature represents the psychological impact of clothing choices and the struggle to maintain personal presentation.", "pearson_r": 0.5013246903226086, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.03884498363918177, "mean_pos": 2.869861125946045, "top_texts": [ "I \\*HATE* 'business casual' attire. When I have to pay attention to dressing 'normal', it's stressful.", "I used to dress more alt/goth/metal but I’m losing the energy. Nowdays it takes a lot out of me to put on jeans and a t shirt and a bra instead of just sweatpants and a sweater. I’m only 20. I don’t know if it’ll get better or not. During the upswings I’m more capable of dressing eccentric but otherwise no.", "YES but what makes me feel comfortable tends to change and then i have to switch clothes a million times trying to figure out what is the most comfortable. then i end up wearing the same outfit for weeks on end bc its the only thing i can go out in without feeling like im a dog with its tail between its legs. i used to really like dressing up in weird flashy things when i was younger but now it makes me rly uncomfortable bc i feel uncomfortable in anything that might attract attention. bummer, i miss dressing up, i wish i could without getting stared at." ] }, { "feature_id": 11638, "label": "The feature identifies discussions specifically centered on the experience and management of dissociation.", "pearson_r": 0.5234537181703972, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.030808090472454506, "mean_pos": 3.590909481048584, "top_texts": [ "Dissociation is one of my worst issues. Straight up, I have yet to find anything that helps for very long. Sorry.\n\nBut I have found some small things that help when this starts feeling bad or stifling:\n\n* daily meditation\n* prioritizing my sleep routine so I get better quality sleep, and more of it\n* setting reminders on my phone (for example, to prompt myself to eat)\n* self-administered pressure point massage (I started these techniques because of migraines, but they really help me relax when I'm distressed, too)\n\nhope this helps, or you can find something else that works for you. This shit sucks.", "Dissociation For those that have a problem with dissociation ,does it feel like your whole body is numb at times? .its gotten better but when i am having a bad time it is full force dissociation its tough to get through .do you have any tricks besides the usual grounding technique?", "Honestly the only thing that will work beyond quick but temporary fixes (the coping skills you mentioned) is overall less stress and anxiety/depression. Dissociation is your head trying to keep you safe because you cannot cope otherwise at the moment.\n\nAre you in therapy? Do you take any meds? Those are the 2 things that are going to make the biggest difference. Other than that your best bet is to limit stress. Frequent self care, mindfullness meditations (preventative, not just when you feel bad) and regular sleep. Exercise can help you ground down more by releasing anxiety and connecting with your body again. I like running an yoga best for dissociation. \n\nTry to not indulge student life too much. In my personal experiences, all the things that you traditionally associate with student life: partying all night and then going to class the next morning, drinking and/or drugs, pulling all nighter before deadlines or exams, living off of cup noodles and pizza, all these things will make your mental health worse and contribute to your dissociation episodes.\n\nI'm sorry. It sucks having bpd and trying to be a normal student like everyone else. I really struggle with it too." ] }, { "feature_id": 6184, "label": "The feature represents sensory-rich, metaphorical imagery of nature and physical environment used to describe internal emotional states.", "pearson_r": 0.5410567532396408, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.0337549513002545, "mean_pos": 3.2771148681640625, "top_texts": [ "The warmth of the sun encapsulates you, and you welcome it, and feel it energizing you. You’re so tired. You want to stop swimming. When you’re close enough, you can see the blue sky, its image wavering back and forth at the surface of the water. You feel it, you see it, you want it, and you think you can finally have it.", "You’re swimming smoothly with the current, the temperature isn’t too cold, and the water is calm and clear blue. So why can you only ever see it as being murky? Sometimes, you find yourself swimming higher and higher, until your fingers skim the interface between the water and the air above. You can see the rays of sunlight above piercing through the surface, refracting and scattering as it hits the water. You approach the surface slowly but surely, excited because you feel like you can finally exit into this warm, golden place, and leave the water behind.", "the soft cool wind feels like silk against my skin, as the sun's heat makes it glow." ] }, { "feature_id": 4069, "label": "The feature represents the conceptualization of personality disorders as chronic, inherent, and incurable conditions.", "pearson_r": 0.8028050847651467, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.029430337358158403, "mean_pos": 3.6936070919036865, "top_texts": [ "Anxiety can be debilitating and is no joke! But having a personality disorder is a whole different can of worms unfortunately", "Since getting diagnosed with a personality disorder, I can’t shake that thought of “wow, so my personality is literally not a good thing”. Especially with the whole “there isn’t really meds for personality disorders, because a medication can’t fix your personality” (obviously there’s mood stabilizers, DBT, and things but ya know still). Like who I am is a problem that needs to be fixed.", "But don't be so hard on yourself. It's not something you can just get rid of or be cured from. A personality disorder is something that's basically part of you and that means that you're going to have to actively address it and learn to live with and manage. You can definitely reduce the effects of it by a lot though. :)" ] }, { "feature_id": 14796, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of religious trauma, spiritual conflict, and the negative impact of religious institutions on mental well-being.", "pearson_r": 0.7126358591609634, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.02359402208232075, "mean_pos": 4.5434346199035645, "top_texts": [ "Religion As a Crutch For Motivation Hey everyone, \n\nSo I tried looking around and couldn't really find anyone else talking about this, but about a week ago I was thinking about whatever it may have been, but it led to me being curious about checking out a service one Sunday at one of the local Christian churches in my area. \nI hear all these stories from my grandparents and uncle (very Christian) about how God has helped them in their lives, and my whole life I've always found it kinda dumb or whatever, and now all the sudden when I'm 18 I started thinking about how I'm at a point right now where my girlfriend just moved about a 45 minute drive away (I don't have my license yet unfortunately, gotta love ADHD), but I love how much motivation she gives me to improve myself. \nJust realized I've been rambling on, but anyways what I'm trying to say is have any of you looked to religion as a source of motivation? Like the idea of building a relationship with God, and believing that he's watching over you because that thought kinda gives me this feeling like if there's something I need to do, and he's watching over me, I should just do whatever it is that I need to get done because he's watching over me and guiding me or whatever. Not really sure what I'm talking about because like I said, all my life I've thought going to church and believing in a God was kinda dumb, and I always hated having to go to church when my family and I were visiting my grandparents, but I'm kinda just lost as to where I wanna go with my life. \nSorry for the rambling but I'm just not really sure what I'm talking about, but if anyone understands and has some feedback it'd be greatly appreciated.\n\nTl;dr does anyone here follow a religion to find motivation to do things they don't want to, because your God is always watching over you and guiding you?", "honestly it was super traumatizing for me. i was raised with my grandparents and my grandma would make me so paranoid by telling me im going to hell (for everything, even going to the MOVIES with friends) i would r sleep for days just thinking about what if fod will come while im sleeping. i was molested and groomed by ppl in church and tbh was never rlly into christianity. i found it boring, too many things i couldnt so that i wanted to do and i also prayed my whole life and nothing has changed. u have no idea the nights where i would beg god for a better life. and nope. nada. idk, i respect everyones beliefs but yea. i still do sometimes pray in my head but ik it wont work lol. my grandpa was also non religious so i guess i just stuck to his side more then my grandmas. but im glad u found a religion that u feel comfortable in:)", "And that comes awfully close to AvPD when you think about it. Some people get strength from their religion, others not so much. It looks like we're in the latter group." ] }, { "feature_id": 7045, "label": "Video game engagement.", "pearson_r": 0.6062435588585983, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.027727281425209055, "mean_pos": 3.814340591430664, "top_texts": [ "Life is punishing enough. I play games to escape that so a game that punishes me to an extreme is no-go for me now.", "Ps: Isn't wonderful how games can make us feel when we're dealing with mental illnesses?", "You could start by interacting with people who you play alongside online that don't act out. Reach out to them after the game if possible and see if they'd like to continue playing games with you. It doesn't need to be a friendship, could just be a way of building a safer network of people for you to play with ❤️" ] }, { "feature_id": 7988, "label": "The feature represents discussions regarding the usage, side effects, and personal experiences associated with the antidepressant medication Sertraline.", "pearson_r": 0.6266107616429077, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.02613903825178438, "mean_pos": 3.983612537384033, "top_texts": [ "Took 100mg of Sertraline and a cup of coffee Did it so I could do the load of work I've been putting off this month. It just made me sleepy as heck.", "Does sertraline make you gain weight? My doctor gave me a prescription for this today and as its the first anti depressant ive ever taken im a little cautious. Are there any symptoms that are common that I should be made aware of? I'm also really into my fitness and I maintain my weight for this ... do I have to be worried that this going to cause a big gain for me? Sorry if I sound clueless... that's because i am haha", "Sertraline side effects I have been taking 50mg Sertraline for 10 days now, and mostly the effects have been positive, but every evening i get very tired and cold. Just curious if anyone else has experienced this and how long it lasted for. " ] }, { "feature_id": 4865, "label": "The feature represents the role of music as a coping mechanism or emotional regulator.", "pearson_r": 0.5025757083497672, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.024876097897012953, "mean_pos": 4.077937126159668, "top_texts": [ "DAE Avoid Music, Like Completely? So many people love music, like really love music. So many people enjoy listening to music as just an everyday, casual thing. I don't know if I've ever met anyone who, like me, avoids music. I never listen to music. I have in the past, of course, but it's 0% of my life normally. Basically any song that I can relate to even a bit can launch me into tears within a minute or two. Sometimes I can distract myself and avoid crying, sometimes not. The feelings aren't connected to specific memories or anything - they're just sort of released when music is playing. I'm wondering if anyone else has a similar experience with music.", "Music? Maybe if I stop listening to sad songs or love songs I won’t be so sad. I just don’t enjoy happy music right now. ", "Need some sad music Been feeling quite down and would love some sad music to listen to. Looking for something not very mainstream. Might be able to get out of this depression hole tonight with some new music. " ] }, { "feature_id": 12133, "label": "The feature represents intense body dysmorphia and negative self-perception regarding physical appearance.", "pearson_r": 0.5364779299243866, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.028951950860138922, "mean_pos": 3.5027270317077637, "top_texts": [ "self hate. Someone please help me. I feel like i’m losing my mind and the stress/depression from this is literally making me physically ill. My depression is due to many reasons but what kills me most is something I have no control over. I am repulsed by my physical appearance, particularly my face. I honestly fight the urge to cry every time I look in the mirror. \n\nI try everything I can to look better. I have a strict skincare routine, I take care of my body as best as I can. But i’m still unattractive. \n\nThe thing is...this is becoming an obstacle on so many levels...I hate going out because I feel so uncomfortable in my skin. School, work, whatever...I hate being around people. I can make friends easily, sure, but i’m never able to keep any because of the deep insecurities I have. I feel truly ugly. I’ve got personality but my looks get in the way, I feel. The fact that I have no control over my face but can’t seem to move forward with life (like most people can) is making me mental. ", "I feel so ugly. I've never told about this to anyone, but I just wanted to get it off my chest.\nSince I was young, I've never cared about appearance. I knew I wasn't pretty, but I didn't care. This started to change when I went to middle school. I had many times where boys criticized my appearance in different ways. Three guys straight up told me I'm ugly. A girl asked a guy if I was pretty and said no. Then she asked if he thinks she's (herself) pretty and when he said yes, she was so happy. A guy grabbed and covered my slanted eyes and said I'd look prettier like this and a girl laughed at me. (I'm an asian living in a foreign country by the way). Years later, I went to an international high school. A girl said I was pretty and I was so grateful cause it was something I really needed to hear at that time. But another girl heard that and followed me to the lockers and she told me to look at her. Then she made an expression of \"you telling me this ugly girl is pretty?\" And just went back to the classroom. Another girl straight up told me I'm ugly, so I got angry and told her that she was ugly too. She made a face of \" who do you think you are to tell me I'm ugly?\" (These high school girls are asian).\n\nI'm just tired to hear these stuff. I mean... they don't gain anything in return.. so why always me? All this destroyed my confidence. All these happened years ago and I still can't stop thinking about it. I distract myself not to remember, but it's useless. It's so stressful. I even vividly remember the exact scenes inside my head and it's toturing me..", "I'm black and grew up in a very white area. I'm nearly 40 and to this day, I find myself incredibly ugly. Other than my hair and my skin tone, I hate the way I look and liking my hair is pretty recent development. I was never considered pretty by my peers in school and that's greatly affected how I see myself as an adult. I've just given up on ever finding any satisfaction in what I look like. I rarely put myself out there, in terms of being out there in the world, because I feel so incredibly ugly and that it's just pointless." ] }, { "feature_id": 1011, "label": "The feature identifies references to a father figure.", "pearson_r": 0.551031049472409, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.025335348935111655, "mean_pos": 3.8552136421203613, "top_texts": [ "he was my dad.", "But his dad is great, and supportive. Where did daddy issues come from?", "dad on the warpath." ] }, { "feature_id": 9740, "label": "The feature represents the psychological concept of being \"triggered\" by specific stimuli or interpersonal events.", "pearson_r": 0.5155593347466291, "pred_f1": 0.6956521739130435, "freq": 0.0289710863200597, "mean_pos": 3.317824125289917, "top_texts": [ "I've got a good handle on my triggers. I know how to prepare myself when I have to encounter a trigger and how to move past it without too much discomfort. That being said today I encountered an event that blindsided me. I was not prepared at all. I know its possible I will come across triggers without warning, but this was something that had not been a trigger before.", "What is the biggest Trigger in relationships? I have come to really realize that my biggest and single most trigger in my relationships happens the moment I get ignored.\n\nOut of all the fights and emotions ive been able to change and work through any possible arguement... but, whenever I get ignored by my own partner my heart turns black.\n\nI know its wrong but honestly speaking; when someone ignores me, it feels like they dont care about the relationship at all, and i eventually start acting careless and break up to treat them like they dont exist because i feel that its the equivalent to how i felt.\n\nDoes anyone else struggle with this?\n", "\"You triggered me that means u don't get it\"\n>ads an emoji too to hide how triggered he/she is\nCope" ] }, { "feature_id": 8352, "label": "The feature represents the discussion and diagnostic evaluation of Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD).", "pearson_r": 0.595413918136862, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.018216957844581796, "mean_pos": 5.221431732177734, "top_texts": [ "Particularly because with AvPD they haven't figured out what causes it. There are a lot of things that correlate with AvPD but not enough to have a clear view of what causes it. So yeah, things can get a lot better, but there is no fully better. But there is still a chance of having a good and meaningful life.", "I have the same problem, but I'm pretty sure AvPD is more than simply that alone.", "Are you sure you have AvPD? I say that because you say you feel you're superior to others, have grandiose fantasies & daydreams of admiration. Your avoidance seems to be related to avoiding people who you feel are less than you. Your traits seem very similar to NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)... There's insecurity at the core of NPD as well, so a fragile sense of self is found in both AvPD and NPD. The way they manifest is different, but there's so much overlap between vulnerable narcissism and AvPD. Vulnerable narcissists typically have social anxiety as well.\n\nThe rest is almost the opposite of AvPD in many ways. Perhaps you have AvPD with some comorbidity with NPD? Or maybe you have more traits of NPD than others, but I'm not sure how common that is. Anyways, just some thoughts. I hope this doesn't offend you because I'm not a doctor, and I could certainly be wrong. It's just an observation based on what you've written." ] }, { "feature_id": 377, "label": "The feature represents the experience of intense, visceral shock or disbelief.", "pearson_r": 0.6622339450816648, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.03342964848160126, "mean_pos": 2.8362350463867188, "top_texts": [ "my goodness, at that point i was shocked beyond words and i believe i had an epic:o expression on my face.", "my jaw dropped and apparently the look of horror on my face was priceless.", "my jaw nearly dropped." ] }, { "feature_id": 9442, "label": "The feature represents the psychological construct of \"normality\" and the distress or alienation associated with the perceived inability to meet societal standards of being a \"normal\" person.", "pearson_r": 0.6196231413924, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.029372930978396064, "mean_pos": 3.2239553928375244, "top_texts": [ "Normal people Normal people feel joy, normal people have love, normal people care about graduating, normal people care about school, normal people care about doing good things, normal people have talents and passions, normal people can attract the opposite sex, normal people have good relationships with their families, normal people are applying for college and uni right now. normal people dont ruin Christmas 2 years in a row. I am not normal people, please someone kill me.", "i wonder what it feels like to be normal fr😭 must be nice", "I wish I felt normal Genuinely fed up of being completely overwhelmed by the most normal and basic human thing. I’ve been invited to a wedding and my partner wants to dance with me there and the idea makes me want to be sick. \nI felt so “okay” today but now I’m on the edge and freaking out. I want to be normal for him and for him to be able to have a normal girlfriend so he doesn’t think I’m useless or that someone else would be better." ] }, { "feature_id": 5962, "label": "The feature detects the ordinal concept of \"first\" in temporal or sequential contexts.", "pearson_r": 0.5891011941085637, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.03023402667483113, "mean_pos": 3.1217031478881836, "top_texts": [ "As a disability examiner it is absolutely not true that everyone is denied the first time ", "first day of school.", "here's the first story." ] }, { "feature_id": 852, "label": "The feature represents the cognitive struggle with executive functioning, specifically regarding the formulation, adherence to, and flexibility of personal plans.", "pearson_r": 0.5138393311580355, "pred_f1": 0.7619047619047619, "freq": 0.02858837712164412, "mean_pos": 3.29195499420166, "top_texts": [ "I don’t have a problem planning, just the second something go out of plan I go completely off the rails, so what I do as have a couple of different targets and don’t create a full ass plan just a rough guide line", "I feel the same way. I made a solid plan once, now it's quietly filed away.", "Yes too the point where it’s my default state. Some are spur of the moment and others I have set up in advance based on the patterns of my “target” and I anticipate what to do. \n\nBut the best ones are the ones you don’t plan for" ] }, { "feature_id": 13950, "label": "The feature captures psychological distress and existential anxiety specifically triggered by the COVID-19 pandemic and its associated lockdowns.", "pearson_r": 0.6008845916821234, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.023306990183509062, "mean_pos": 4.019433498382568, "top_texts": [ "Everything’s fucked again Hi. I’m not particularly scared of corona virus, I try to be careful tho not to spread it if i have it and i don’t know about it, and not to catch it, but the thing is, our country is on total lockdown.. Our school is sending us shit ton of homework.. I can’t see my therapist. I’ve been suicidal for a really long time, but everything started getting better in last few months, but now it’s back to the old rails. I’m stuck in the house, just lying in my bed crying. I can go out but at what cost. I don’t wanna fo this anymore. Everything feels so distant. Everything’s closed. I know the quarantine is useful for the situation, but i guess it’s gonna cost me my life, or at least my mental health. It just feels so unfair, i was working on myself for a really long time and suddenly everything’s fucked. again. I don’t wanna get better only to fall a crumble apart again", "Fuck coronavirus My country is on quarantine and I'm having a hard time coping, does someone have tips or something?", "Coronavirus Thoughts Thanks to this whole \"social distancing\" trend, I don't think the world will ever be the same again. I think that we’ve overreacted to this virus so much, that the societal and political damage can never be undone. Even after the virus is gone in about a month, people will probably still be thinking \"I hope this guy doesn't have a virus\" whenever they're even 20 feet away from another person. Also, \"drastic measures\" are almost universally accepted now, and I find that extremely disturbing. I'm feeling sick to my stomach knowing that I'm one of very few people who aren't afraid of the virus and don't want any drastic or society-changing measures taken place. People don't even care about the economy anymore. They aren’t thinking about how millions of people could starve to death in a worldwide economic depression if these cancellations and quarantines aren’t lifted soon, not to mention how unhappy everyone will be during this virus and beyond. Even the term \"social distancing\" makes my bones chill! Just last February, I seriously thought I was already in the roaring 2020s. COVID-19 wasn't even affecting the economy until we were told that the virus can be spread through casual contact, and everyone believes that because scientists said so. The WHO can say that blinking causes cancer, and 99% of people would believe them just because they're scientists. I’m not saying that the WHO is evil and has a plan to destroy the American Dream, but that they were forced to come up with a solution fast. I can prove that this virus isn’t spread through casual contact, and I don’t need sources to do so, just scientific thinking. If people didn't start socially distancing until mid-March, and people who’ve had the virus weren't quarantined until two weeks after they got it (supposedly infecting people they've come in contact with during those two weeks), why did it take until now for the numbers to skyrocket everywhere else? You see, I think it’s just airborne, but I could be wrong (could be right too). Back in the Middle Ages, science was all about disproving stuff, but now, you either agree with everything the scientists say, or you're a \"conservatard redneck\". The American Dream is done for, and I find that very disheartening." ] }, { "feature_id": 12035, "label": "The feature represents the pursuit, evaluation, or loss of personal hobbies and interests.", "pearson_r": 0.8008595225446045, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.02977477563673243, "mean_pos": 3.0526487827301025, "top_texts": [ "Thank you so much, I appreciate the effort! My hobbies are painting, poetry, gardening, volunteering and playing on my laptop. Painting is a lot of effort and pressure to do. Poetry could be a go but I'm too scared to feel anything deeply atm. I don't have money for seeds. I haven't organized any volunteering opportunities atm", "Looking for a new hobby In 4th year uni, looking for a hobby that doesn't require too much time commitment but is enjoyable to treat myself with when I have completed a lot of task in the day- also to replace my Netflix reliance. \n\nWhat are some of your favourite hobbies that have stuck? ", "Hobbies and Shame One of the most depressing things I deal with, is that I never have truly free or fun times because even my hobbies are joyless since all I ever do is judge myself. Art, singing, etc. almost everything I do is fun for about 5 minutes and then I just get a stone in the pit of my stomach. \n\nWhat hobbies can I do which have such low expectations I can't become ashamed? Or how do I combat these feelings?" ] }, { "feature_id": 2047, "label": "This feature detects sensory aversion and anxiety related to public restrooms and hygiene-related disgust.", "pearson_r": 0.5479227119271604, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.02887540902045581, "mean_pos": 3.1422908306121826, "top_texts": [ "I have always had this problem when I was in elementary or In a school in which the public bathroom had a chance of being dirty.\nI know that NTs also don't like dirty bathroom/toilet but I'd go to the point of not going there at all in school and would look or walk a long way to a much cleaner less crowded bathroom.", "now the bathroom was pretty full of people all gazing at this magnificent poop and someone had the great idea of flushing it and it turned over and revealed even more.", "now the bathroom was pretty full of people all gazing at this magnificent poop and someone had the great idea of flushing it and it turned over and revealed even more." ] }, { "feature_id": 8624, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience and physiological impact of stress.", "pearson_r": 0.6273751556740534, "pred_f1": 0.7692307692307693, "freq": 0.02430203409938958, "mean_pos": 3.6421451568603516, "top_texts": [ "Yeah absolutely, it's hard when something else stressful pops up and the stress feels sooooo extreme even if the actual situation is in reality easy to manage for most", "Yesss it's the worst 😭 it doesn't help that stress in general makes me nauseous too", "Yeah absolutely since stress and recovery uses up so much of our already limited resources" ] }, { "feature_id": 819, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of a cancer diagnosis with experiences of severe psychological distress or existential despair.", "pearson_r": 0.611710883274319, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.02479955605732984, "mean_pos": 3.477252721786499, "top_texts": [ "I found out my mother may have cancer It’s the fist time I ever talk about my feelings on reddit. \n\nMy days have always been difficult and I never really connected with everyone at school or on internet. I was always so depressed and sad. I felt like I was a mistake and that I souldn’t be there. My only reason to actually continue was my mother. She is perfect. She is always here for me, she’s sweet and generous. She is the kindest person I ever seen. So she is my reason to live. \n\nBut I found out that she had a tumor. She had an operation in December to remove it and it went well. But now, her doctor is thinking that she could have something even worse. A cancer. I don’t know how to react to it. My mother doesn’t know but every night I cry in my bed thinking about how in the future my world could end. \n\nI don’t know if it’s the good place to talk about it but it is all I could think about. \nSorry for my bad english. ", "lost my leg to cancer at 9.", "lost my leg to cancer at 9." ] }, { "feature_id": 4887, "label": "Seeking professional medical guidance for mental health concerns.", "pearson_r": 0.5468337635485525, "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947, "freq": 0.02900935723990126, "mean_pos": 2.943640947341919, "top_texts": [ "How do I bring it up to my doctor? So, I’m (23F) depressed. I know I am. I no longer find joy in things I used to LOVE. I sleep 12 hours a day, and even nap through out the day when I know I have things to do. I quit my job out of nowhere. I am gaining weight. I can’t bear to even brush my hair most days. I’m a constant pile of worry and tears. I cry all the time. I’m not suicidal, or have any plans on taking my own life. I don’t think I could ever actually do that. But I often wonder what the point of existence is. \n\nIt might be a hormonal imbalance, but I am certain I have depression. Absolutely positive. \n\nMy question is, how to I bring this up to a doctor I’ve seen only once? He’s my GP. Do I just say “hey I think I’m depressed”. I don’t wanna lay it on too thick to where he worries, but I need to get my point across. \n\nHow can I bring this up to my doctor?", "How do I talk to a doctor So I've had anxiety and depression for the past 5 or so years and I've decided to go see my family doctor to see if anything can be done, I made an appointment for the 29th and now that I'm thinking about it what do I say to this guy??\n\n\"Hey uh doc I think I'm pretty fucked up\"\n\"I'm pretty sure I'm depressed and have anxiety\"\nThat all just makes me feel like he's gonna say something like it'll pass in time or something like that.\n\nMy family knows I have severe anxiety but I try to keep my depression to myself because I dont wanna put my problems on them so I keep it to myself except for maybe 1 or 2 online friends, so I just told my dad I got a doctor appointment for a checkup cause why would anyone tell their dad they're going to see the doctor cause they feel worthless.\n\nIf anyone has actually gone to the doctor what did you say to them or how did you explain you have depression or anxiety and did it even help? I'm really doubting it will help at all.", "Asking my doctor for help What seems like forever now I’ve been feeling like I have many indicators that I might have adhd . I’ve been putting off asking my doctor about getting “tested” . Is that even how to go about it? Do you ask to get tested or do you just say “I think I have adhd”.\n\nAdvice on how I should go About this would be great...." ] }, { "feature_id": 15145, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of pharmacological or symptomatic weight changes.", "pearson_r": 0.5434784917923343, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.02001569107713504, "mean_pos": 4.19443416595459, "top_texts": [ "ADD Meds Without Weight Loss I'm going back to school and I need to see if there are meds that won't cause drastic weight loss because I'm trying to gain weight. I've only had methylphenidate and if someone knows of something better please let me know😄", "Trintellix and Weight Gain? I’ve been taking Trintellix (started at 5 mg, gradually made my way up to 20 mg) since early December and I’ve gained almost 10 pounds in just over a month. \n\nI’ve definitely been indulgent over the holidays and at first I chalked it up to holiday gain but this seems a bit extensive. I’m frustrated because my doctor told me that this is supposed to be a more weight neutral antidepressant. \n\nHas anyone else experience weight gain on Trintellix? I’m afraid the weight will keep piling on. I appreciate any insight!", "Depression & Weight Gain Anyone have any tips how to fight gaining weight when depressed? I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle as my antidepressants cause a spike in cravings (was told directly from my psychiatrist). I gained 60lbs last year and 10lb this year. " ] }, { "feature_id": 9276, "label": "The feature represents the normalization and strategic application of manipulative behavior in interpersonal interactions.", "pearson_r": 0.5979281365410882, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.021259495971985686, "mean_pos": 3.8547475337982178, "top_texts": [ "u/ParkingPsychology spot on as always with great resources, but so let me just reiterate on questions because I had the same feeling after reading OP.\n\nWhy do you hate being manipulative?\n\nDo you feel it's morally wrong and makes you a bad person so you don't want to be doing it?\n\nDo you not want to do that because of the impact it has on other people?\n\nDo you not want to do it purely because there's a social stigma on being manipulative?\n\nAlso:\n\n>Sadly, a pretty good one.\n\nI think that's a misconception. It's like saying in Europe, that, I dunno: \"I'm really great at collecting or Guatemalan coins\" - you can be terrible at this, but since you probably won't meet anyone else doing it you'll be at the same time best.\n\nNot that many people are manipulative, and as a result, not many people naturally suspect it, defends against it. It feels like you're good at it, but in the end, it's like stilling lollipops from kids. There's is a need for a major part of society to be relatively honest and not manipulative for our world to even exist.\n\nWhen I was younger I used to lie to people when they asked me for time on the direction on the street, because I could, because I find it funny. But they trusted me, not because I'm an exceptional liar, but because why in the world would I lie it probably would cross anyone's mind to be suspicious about it? Similar goes for more complex manipulation in adult life. People trust you not because you're good at manipulation, but because we need to trust each other to some extent as a species.\n\nAnd your fiance is the best example of that. You exposed him to manipulation multiple times and now he sees is as the possibility and it's not that easy anymore. He will be a probably more difficult target to manipulate for anyone for the rest of his life because first hand learned that not everyone follows societal rules and not everyone is being honest.\n\nI think I am manipulative, I don't know if I'm good at it because I don't think there's a clear benchmark for me to define it. But I don't have a problem with being manipulative. I think being capable of being manipulative without the feeling of guilt is a really useful skill in life. But I would guess you can just stop if it's not compulsive. \n\n> at times it feels so good \n\nSo does eating sweets, doing drugs and hundreds of other things, but if you feel bad about something you just stop doing it.", "hey man, nothing is wrong with being a manipulator. i've been manipulating since i was 8 years old. just embrace it and try to get as much as you can from people.", "I was lowkey looking for that comment, since OP's post left me with utter confusion. Unless it's pretending, of course, but you can't pretend you're goodie-two-shoes all the damn time. Whether you like one person or don't, manipulation comes like an instinct that's been engraved on our brains since we were infants. All infants are born huge manipulators, as they don't even require the need to speak in order to make adults get what they want. As we grow older, some either lose that ability or forget about it, while others become refined at it and continue to perfect it throughout their teens and adult life.\n\nHowever I wouldn't call that a choice. Obviously when you see an opportunity, a possible benefit or just some spiritually weak person, regardless of how close that person is to you, it would pull you like a magnet and you'd definitely grab on that opportunity and sink your teeth into it like a hungry pitbull. Sometimes you wouldn't even know if you're manipulating a person, because you're so used to it at this point that it becomes as natural as drinking water when the bottle is next to you without thinking about it. But that's just me.\n\nUsually what drives me to consciously or subconsciously manipulate someone is my unquenchable thirst for money and that materialistic piece of shit brain inside my head that calculates most human interactions in currency. Ah, and let's not forget: trouble with the cops. It's so easy and amusing to watch these pigs forget to do their own damn job when trying to make you sing, because they're too busy eye-fucking you and nodding to every lie you spill." ] }, { "feature_id": 1394, "label": "The feature represents the experience of inpatient psychiatric hospitalization and the process of seeking or undergoing institutional mental health care.", "pearson_r": 0.6314421312245396, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.02546929715455711, "mean_pos": 3.212249279022217, "top_texts": [ "The idea of going inpatient has always terrified me. Being away from my loved ones in a strange environment for who knows how long… being involuntarily submitted would be even worse.", "It's not weird that you want to go. I'd say that if you want to go, you should try to, especially if you feel like KMS or SH. Better safe than sorry.\n\nI'm also in the US. I've been hospitalized 12 times since about 1990. Some of my experiences have been good to excellent, some less so, but none have been a waste of time. I agree with a previous poster that if you check yourself in, stay as long as suggested - do not check out early even if you can. If you need respite, you need respite. Do not guilt yourself into leaving early (or not even going) because you have 'too much to do' or 'so many responsibilities.' If you had the strength to handle those responsibilities, you wouldn't be seeking respite. Listen to your heart, not the voice your boss implanted in your head. Without your health and sanity, what do you have left? I used to do that BS with both physical and psychological problems: I remember once going to work with a fever of 105°F (40.5°C) - I shouldn't even have stayed at home. I should have gone to the hospital, not to work -- and my boss guilted me when I got to work. If part of you calls for self-care in an emergency, listen to it. \n\nMy usual modus operandi is to go to an ER at the best hospital in the area. When in doubt, go to the nearest university hospital. In NYC, I recommend NYP or Mt Sinai. It depends on where you live, I guess. The advantage of going to a university hospital (or at least a large hospital) is that they will have the facilities to look for and treat any physical problems which may or may not be affecting your mental health. \n\nExpect to spend anywhere from a few hours to a few days waiting for an opening in an inpatient facility. Don't lose hope and leave. The entire inpatient experience is not what I would call fun, and often the food and company leaves something to be desired, but respite is respite. My meds routinely get evaluated and sometimes doses or meds are changed up or down. In my case, with severe treatment-resistant depression, I am sometimes given ECT. Do not turn it down if offered. It's not painful, it doesn't burn out your memory and and it's the gold standard treatment for depression. Some of the scare stories used to be true, but they definitely aren't true now (I had some last week, actually).\n\nMy stays have lasted anywhere from 10 to 22 days. It's not a vacation, but it is worth going. Unfortunately, considering the state of American healthcare, your insurance company will want you to be discharged before you're fully ready but after the initial crisis has passed. It's not enough, but it's better than nothing. \n\nBefore you get discharged, you will be set up with follow-up services of varying amounts of support. That can vary anywhere from day treatment to monthly medication management. Try to get the most support you feel comfortable getting, and keep your appointments etc. Nobody is going to force you to do anything when in the ward or after you leave, but it's important to remember why you went in the first place. You felt you needed help. Let yourself take as much help as is offered for as long as possible. Sometimes you may struggle against that help, but that's just your self-sabotage talking. Ignore it just like you should ignore the boss' voice. On some level, you wanted help, so try not to reject it when it's offered. On some level, you want to lessen your symptoms and dysfunctionality, even if it doesn't always feel that way. Keep your eyes on the ball. Listen to the voice that says \"you can get better. You can make a better life for yourself.\"\n\nOne more suggestion: be as honest with your treatment team as possible. It may be embarrassing sometimes, but the more they know, the better your treatment will be. Seriously - nobody benefits if you lie or ignore things. Remember: doctors and nurses have seen and heard it all. Everything. Stuff you seriously can't imagine. You're not going to shock them, and they won't look down on you or humiliate you. Even if your treatment team is sub-par, they will try to help you to the best of their abilities and resources. When you help them do their jobs you'll get better faster and better than you think you will. Let the experts be experts. Don't leave all the decisions to them, but they did spend a lot of time learning and practicing their profession, so they're worth listening to at least.\n\nThat's pretty much everything I can think of at this point, except perhaps to say that I have never regretted my inpatient stays in the long run, even for the one which was kind of frightening (11 days in Bellevue Hospital).\n\nIf you have any questions, please feel free to ask here or send me a message.\n\nTake care of yourself for a change. ♥️", "What they all said. \n\nI'd like to add that I've turned myself in a number of times. There's nothing to be scared of. It's hard for me at first, but if it wasn't, I wouldn't have needed to have gone. \n\nIt usually takes me a couple of days to return to being human, resuming eating and other types of basic self-care, keeping a halfway normal sleep schedule, etc., but I've never been sorry to feel safe and be cared for until I begin to be able to take care of myself again. \n\nOne bit of advice: use it as a chance to think about and plan for what you'll do differently when you're discharged. Maybe different meds, maybe a different treatment team, maybe different behavior, probably some mix of all of them. Sometimes I've been able to go quite some time between hospitalizations, and sometimes the hospitalizations have been virtually back to back; the difference has been, I think, that I've prepared myself to do things differently -- if you do what you did, you'll get what you got.\n\nHave a safe and productive stay. Hugs/kisses!" ] }, { "feature_id": 6552, "label": "The feature represents the financial burden and systemic barriers associated with accessing prescription.", "pearson_r": 0.719493409595428, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.021336037811668804, "mean_pos": 3.804868698120117, "top_texts": [ "Insurance suddenly refusing to cover generic, guess this experiment is over. When I went to refill my prescriptions today, the pharmacy informed me that my previous $5/month prescriptions would now be $90 each. I can't afford that much and the insurance won't budge. So after a few months of getting my life headed on the right track, I'm dumped right back where I started. Was there even a point to trying?", "What's up with the health insurance hassles? Is this a concerted effort? I've begun having issues with re-filling my concerta prescription within the last couple of months. I hopped on reddit in order to find out whether others had had similar issues. There are tons of posts! Does anyone know what the issues are? Is this a widespread effort to refuse to cover meds for adults with ADHD? Why would the insurance insist that you take the brand name and not the generic? What's the deal with requiring that you take some other drug as opposed to the one that you have been taking? I assume money is the answer, but does anyone have any additional information or know where I can find it? \n \nI've been taking Concerta for about 4 or 5 years now after I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. I've had health insurance all of this time and have not had any issues with coverage until my recent move to a red state in the SW, which involved signing up with a new provider BC/BS. I take the generic and as of the first of the year I was told that the insurance company wouldn't cover the generic, but was going to insist on the brand name ... and that that would require prior authorization. What. The. Hell. I tried other drugs, this one is the one that works. I just want to go back to living my best life. Why do we put up with this shite? Who do I have to protest against? ", "New health insurance 10x price increase for vyvanse PLEASE HELP Business I work for switched healthcare providers. \n\nI got the high deductible plan because i thought that had nothing to do with prescriptions (and I was wrong)\n\nI cannot switch plans\n\nI looked for generics. Generic addy is $160, RX is $220, vyvanse is $300. The coupons i found online don’t put a dent into the price considering i was paying $30 per prescription before. \n\nI am in talks with my doctor now but I talked to four different pharmacists, our company hotline, my doctor, and a few other resources and I am basically getting the answer that I am not going to find a good resolution. \n\nI am new to this subreddit so I apologize if i have broken any rules, I am getting really anxious and I have no where else to turn. Nervous about the future and cannot focus at work. Any help is appreciated. Thank you :(" ] }, { "feature_id": 3526, "label": "The feature identifies discussions specifically centered on the definition, etymology, and personal identification of Schizoid Personality Disorder.", "pearson_r": 0.5366563145999496, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.02334526110335062, "mean_pos": 3.476728916168213, "top_texts": [ "No, I don’t. However there is such a thing as schizoid dilemma, which is where schizoids still crave relationships every once in a while, and might even act on it. We are still human after all. However, I also believe most schizoids who feel it, either don’t act on it because it is a temporary emotion that doesn’t actually represent what they want or want long term, and those that try it often end up cutting those relationships because again, it did not truly represent what they wanted long term and they simply struggle to maintain those relationships for schizoid like reasons.", "Just a heads up that schizoid is an actual thing. Schizoid personality disorder. I do agree with the rest though", "I like schizoid as its etymology fits perfectly: **skhizein** (greek) meaning split, **eidos** meaning form - or better yet **id** meaning the most basic part of your personality according to Freud (according to google, do not ask me about any of this lol. My psychologist who diagnosed me explained schizoid as \"split ego\" or \"split self\", which I think fits very well)." ] }, { "feature_id": 242, "label": "The feature represents existential struggle and skepticism regarding religious belief as a coping mechanism for mental distress.", "pearson_r": 0.5648337800846605, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.02642607015059607, "mean_pos": 3.05053448677063, "top_texts": [ "I wish I could believe on God. Maybe then I'd be slightly less depressed Just can't force myself to believe in something as fake as that stuff. It must be somewhat comforting to believe that someone is watching us and has a plan for us all.", "People choose to believe in higher power because it is easier When I believed in GOD my life was easy, because I had purpose and felt life is worth living. (also being young and naive helps)\n\nThen I grew up, finished the tutorial and started asking questions. Those questions let me to nothing good, but made me see how pointless life is, how nothing matters and how much suffering there is on this prison planet.\n\nIn my opinion it is way easier to live believing in some magical creature that explains everything, than asking the questions, finding the truth and living with it.\n\nI feel that depression is literally understanding in what shit hole we are living in and trying to cope with this fact.", "I don’t know if I find the arguments I have for believing in God to be fully convincing or if I just deluded myself because I am alone and wish someone knew who I really was\nhttps://reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/nbopfu/how_do_you_know_if_you_really_believe_in/" ] }, { "feature_id": 14369, "label": "The feature represents the act of listening or the sensory experience of hearing.", "pearson_r": 0.7866625090286414, "pred_f1": 0.8888888888888888, "freq": 0.025316213475190877, "mean_pos": 3.1298599243164062, "top_texts": [ "Just lookin to listen really. So if you have a story or need to vent or need someone to give advice, I’ll be happy to listen.", "My sharp hearing has never been of advantage to me... I would just like to listen to music without wanting to claw my ears off", "What are some of your active listening solutions? So obviously I struggle with listening skills. It's kind of ok in situations where I can take notes, kind of. But man I would LOVE to be able to, say, listen to lectures when I'm cleaning/working out/driving etc like so many of my classmates do but when I try I find myself tuning out for HUGE chunks of time, even when I restart where I last remember something and do the \"I will listen\" mantra 30 seconds later I'm back in my own head! Even books on tape/podcasts (no matter how interesting) feel totally unrealistic. \nAnd lets not even get started on following conversations/meetings. \n\nWhat are some solutions or skills y'all have used that you've found helped your listening comprehension?" ] }, { "feature_id": 12804, "label": "The feature represents the concept of physical and emotional safety or the need for protection from harm.", "pearson_r": 0.5714091050424126, "pred_f1": 0.8181818181818182, "freq": 0.027593333205763602, "mean_pos": 2.7631008625030518, "top_texts": [ "It is your job as a partner to make your loved ones feel safe.", "Well, in your current state you're safe. But outside there's all kinds of things happening that make you feel unsafe...you know, stuff like people.", "If you're really really feeling unsafe, find a police station and step inside. Tell whoever's there you're not feeling safe and then call someone to come get you, if you can." ] }, { "feature_id": 5285, "label": "This feature detects discussions involving homicidal ideation or the commission of homicide.", "pearson_r": 0.6669187622198881, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.02692359210853633, "mean_pos": 2.800238847732544, "top_texts": [ "When you wanted to commit homicide who did you want to kill or just the general desire to?", "\"I only murdered that guy for a second or two. It totally doesn't count.\"", "tl:dr the love of my life tried to kill me, i killed her first." ] }, { "feature_id": 1942, "label": "The feature captures the distress, inadequacy, and anxiety associated with the job search process and professional rejection.", "pearson_r": 0.6557412294705282, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.02185269522952984, "mean_pos": 3.4142086505889893, "top_texts": [ "Can't take rejection anymore.. I'm tired of getting another email saying they have chosen someone else for a position or not even getting a reply at all. Out of at least 100 places I applied to, how can I not get a reply from a single place? I just want an interview, a chance to prove that I am capable and show them what I can do. Am I really that worthless?\n\nI was told to study hard in high school. So I did and I got into a what many consider to be a world-class university. People told me to be active outside of school, so I joined sports teams and took executive positions of clubs and volunteered in organizations. I went to networking sessions to build a network, since my parents didn't have any, being first generation immigrants. It annoys me to see people who have less work experience and lower GPAs getting jobs because of their parents and who they know.\n\nI just want someone to give me an opportunity to prove myself. I don't think I can stand another rejection letter without breaking.", "Job hunting when depressed Hello, I'm looking for a bit of advice. I've had persistent depressive disorder/dysthymia (as well as anxiety) for longer than I can remember. I finished my BA back in August and had originally intended to spend this year working any old part-time job to pay off loans and apply to grad schools, but in September I realized I didn't have the qualifications to apply and that grad school is no longer an option. I've been looking for full time work (preferably something that doesn't aggravate my physical and mental problems) since but am still unemployed. While there are some other factors at play my depression is definitely a major roadblock in my job hunting. \n\nUgh, I've rewritten this part at least ten times already, I'm not going to try to filter anymore, so let's start with the fact that I'm a perfectionist and it can easily take me several days to write and submit an application. I feel terrible about this because I keep getting told that I should be sending out six or more applications a day, yet if it isn't perfect I feel like no one will even look at me and it will all be a waste of time. Because of my depression I'm not really interested in any job posting so I instead tend to apply based on whether the posting meets my needs and whether I have the qualifications. I know that the qualifications part is an employer's wish list and at first I was sort of ignoring them and just sending in an application anyway emphasizing the point that I enjoy learning and am willing to learn, but I never heard back and started kicking myself for wasting time on these applications so now am back to only apply to positions I think I could get. \n\nI've had a few interviews for positions I actually found myself wanting but my self-esteem is so low I have trouble selling myself, I'll get asked a question like \"why are you the ideal person for this position?\" and I know that there are others out there that are better than me so I make something up and I feel not only am I coming off as flat/boring/not good enough but also as a liar. In some of the group interviews I could tell the other people were really enthusiastic about the position/company and feel I can't compete because while I want the job it's not like it's my life's ambition or something.\n\nI don't know what kind of advice I'm hoping for but just anything relating to job hunting while depressed. As a recent graduate I have next to nothing financially and am living with my mother and she's hinted a few times in the last two months that maybe I should just go back to the job I had in high school (the same job that exacerbated my anxiety/depression to the point where I was suicidal) so I'm out of the house and can pay my own dues (she's bought and paid for a lot for me since I finished university). I want a job so that I can stop being anxious about not having money and not feel like a failure and maybe be able to go back to counselling and try a few more anti-depressants but I don't think I can handle being back in food or retail (I could barely handle it when I was hopeful about the future).\n\nSorry, this turned into a longer post than it needed to be. Thank you in advance for any advice.", "I have an upcoming job interview next week and i loathe going there I was jobless for a while and now im applying for jobs again. But i have a hard time with job interviews. I can't find any good positive trait in myself. Im not good looking, im not smart/intelligent and i have no useful talents or skills. I literally feel like im good at nothing and it sucks and makes everything harder for me." ] }, { "feature_id": 2236, "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding autism spectrum disorder, including diagnostic experiences, misconceptions, and social perceptions.", "pearson_r": 0.6448088879747361, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.016533037371553226, "mean_pos": 4.50380802154541, "top_texts": [ "And they got to drop the \"autistic\" in there to further try and fan some flames.", "I'll see if I can find the link, I found some really recent research on autism on YouTube from a guy who has worked in autism research for decades, that discussed how an inflammation of the brain as a fetus may result in autistic due to genetic factors.", "in my opinion no one whatsoever tht isn't struggling would say they have autism. \nautism didn't have as good of a rep especially when getting hired." ] }, { "feature_id": 14964, "label": "The feature represents the clinical management and symptomatic experience of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).", "pearson_r": 0.7414622867725837, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.021087276832698672, "mean_pos": 3.458156108856201, "top_texts": [ "OCD responds best to the combination of medication and therapy. SSRIs are usually the first line treatment for OCD, so if you are adamant against them, switch your efforts to ERP.", "I notice in times where I’m more stressed out, depressed and anxious I have really bad obsessions and it causes more anxiety which makes the obsessions come on stronger and then the loop starts again.\nhttps://reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/17qpq13/can_stress_cause_ocd_to_flare_up/", "Allowing the thoughts and anxiety to be present IS the treatment. The treatment for OCD is exposure therapy; it's letting yourself be anxious instead of giving into compulsions so your brain can come to the realization on its own that the compulsions aren't going to help the anxiety, the anxiety will pass on its own. It also helps your brain understand that the subject of the obsession is often not something that will really happen (you're not going to lose control of your body and assault someone, for example) and even if it is possible its still likely not going to happen; telling someone \"that's impossible\" doesn't help OCD because our brains need to make this realization for themselves." ] }, { "feature_id": 6329, "label": "The feature identifies clinical diagnostic criteria for schizophrenia and related psychotic disorders.", "pearson_r": 0.556981469567713, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.029372930978396064, "mean_pos": 2.439194440841675, "top_texts": [ "\\-steel Thermos \\-calorie block rations \\-several MREs \\-stack of restaurant napkins \\-three containers of wet wipes", "At least two of five main symptoms. Those symptoms, explained above, are delusions, hallucinations, disorganized or incoherent speaking, disorganized or unusual movements and negative symptoms.\nDuration of symptoms and effects. The key symptoms you have must last for at least one month. The condition’s effects (whether or not they meet the full criteria for the symptoms) must also last for at least six months.\nSocial or occupational dysfunction. This means the condition disrupts either your ability to work or your relationships (friendly, romantic, professional or otherwise).", "meridian was a fashion-conscious girl, and stored all her dresses in an enormous, solid carved oak dresser, one of three in the dormitory sort of room the girls shared." ] }, { "feature_id": 5022, "label": "The feature represents experiences and side effects related to starting, stopping, or switching SSRI medications like Zoloft and Prozac.", "pearson_r": 0.5520524474738833, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.01969038825848179, "mean_pos": 3.5265042781829834, "top_texts": [ "Zoloft withdrawal I switched from Zoloft to Prozac like 2.5 weeks ago, then last Sunday I started getting anxiety/depression symptoms worse than ever i.e. panic attacks (which I never get), extreme social anxiety, suicidal thoughts...would that have to do with withdrawal from Zoloft or the Prozac not working?", "Stopped Zoloft cold-turkey, got a first-class ticket to crazy town I've been taking Zoloft since April 2016. I was on 75mg per day until September 2017, when I made the decision to taper down to 50mg per day. My psychiatrist said \"If you feel good, stop. If you feel worse, start again.\" So, based on this well-rounded advice, I decided to just stop completely about a week ago. I told myself that surely 50mg is basically a negligible amount in the body, and it was probably a placebo at this point, right?\n\nWRONG WRONG! SO WRONG!\n\nOh my god. The symptoms. The crazy. It was terrible. Monday I was at work and it felt more and more like I was outside myself - like my brain was running on its own, separate from me. I couldn't see properly - it was like being in a fog. After work, I went to the mall to try to interact with people and be normal, but my limbs were so heavy and my voice was so small I just dragged myself home.\n\nI haven't been to work since Monday.\n\nTuesday, at home, I was OUT OF IT! It was like having a high fever. Nothing looked right, nothing felt right, I could hardly walk from my bedroom to the bathroom and back again. I could NOT speak. My heart was beating fast. The day passed in a blur of crying and napping...\n\nWednesday I took a pill again. Went to a doctor, got a sick note for the rest of the week. Cried, cried, cried. Everything made me cry. My thoughts were piling over each other a mile a minute but then, each time one formed, it was yanked away, up into the air. I couldn't get a grip. A friend came over and talked to me until I calmed down.\n\nToday I took a pill again and am feeling better compared to the last few days (but still no work).\n\nThese \"withdrawal\" symptoms seem very extreme to me. Anyone else? Or are these actually just all of my mental issues resurfacing without the Zoloft to keep them at bay?\n\nAny insight into quitting an SSRI would be most welcome.", "Tinnitus made worse by medication I've started an SSRi, Zoloft, and within two days my tinnitus has become unbearably loud. Should I stop taking it? Or is there ways to reduce the tinnitus, (ringing in the ear)..." ] }, { "feature_id": 3134, "label": "The feature represents the physiological and psychological experience of guided breathing exercises and their potential to trigger anxiety or panic.", "pearson_r": 0.6372887677617914, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.020608890334679195, "mean_pos": 3.3447537422180176, "top_texts": [ "A counselor once gave me a CD of breathing exercises to work on and they made me so anxious. Idk why cause I can do square breathing just fine and often do to help nausea. But any other breathing exercise makes me feel like I can't breathe.", "Mhm! I don't like breathing exercises like the countdown one cause focusing too much on my breathing kicks my brain up and makes me think I'm not getting enough air. \nThey're still good to know about, even if you don't use them, because when you're in a bad space and your breathing is off, you'll remember what you've been told about the exercises, and you can use that as a way of knowing you need to pause and slow your breathing down so its not as frantic", "Breathing Space Hey, so I was wondering if any UK users could tell me if Breathing Space have been able to help you out before when you were feeling down but nor outright about to kill yourself, and if so in what ways?" ] }, { "feature_id": 14148, "label": "The feature represents the psychological phenomenon of telephobia, specifically the intense anxiety and avoidance associated with answering or making phone calls.", "pearson_r": 0.5844941813277273, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.019078053541016857, "mean_pos": 3.589742422103882, "top_texts": [ "People of ADHD, What Was Your Worst Phone Call Experience? My worst time answering phone calls was when I worked at a busy restaurant. I used to get hung up on every time I picked up the phone, so I began avoiding it, hoping that another employee would answer it. A couple months later I had to be let go. Not surprising.", "Help me out here, fellow anxious, if we gather maybe we could create an elaborate plan to help me avoid this, idk I have phone phobia. These are really important conversations that I'll be calling to have and a lot depends on my explaining things and my demeanour and a lot of things could go so terribly wrong and I'm just so absolutely socially inept and phone calls are one of the worst ways for me to say words and make sense and - please help. 😔😔", "startling, sure, but phone numbers get reassigned all the time." ] }, { "feature_id": 5381, "label": "The feature represents the expression of gratitude and appreciation toward others for their support or kindness.", "pearson_r": 0.5729366648365867, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.0247421496775675, "mean_pos": 2.7521958351135254, "top_texts": [ "If you have ever made a change in someone's life, if you have ever made someone happy, then this 'thank you' is for you!! I'm going through a very rough period in my life. I'm hopeless, I don't know what tomorrow will bring me. I have been put down by the people I love the most, but there are people out there, there are good people out there, who are trying their best to make me feel better. These people do everything in their power to help me overcome this situation. So this is a big thank you to all the good people out there. Selfless people are still out there. Humanity is not dead. So if you're suffering from something, if you need help, please put your hands forward! Thousand good people will reach out to you and grab by your hand. \nMay happiness find you all! ", "Thank you very much. I hope the best for you & your recovery", "You've all been very kind and incredibly generous, and my mom and I are looking into all of the suggestions and recommendations that were provided below. We're extremely grateful for everything you've done for us. It's wonderful to know there are such caring, considerate, and giving people out there who are willing to help people like us. You've warmed our hearts with your selflessness. Thank you so much!" ] }, { "feature_id": 7952, "label": "The feature represents the practical navigation of disability benefits, formal diagnostic processes, and long-term functional impairment related to Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD).", "pearson_r": 0.6291309902796016, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.016303411852503873, "mean_pos": 4.121001243591309, "top_texts": [ "I've barely got a work history, at least compared to most people. I'm agoraphobic to an extent, so even going outside is challenging. I don't currently work (apart from freelancing), the only jobs I've managed to do are after-hours janitorial & freelancing. Part of my life, I've been on disability, but it's certainly not easy to get for AvPD. I'm also surprised at how people can manage to work, as I've not been able to overcome this problem either. I've mostly worked for my parents' old company (janitorial), so there were no interviews, and the place was empty. I do some freelancing from home, and I can make some extra money along with the disability, but it isn't much.\n\nI was referred to a doctor for disability. In Canada, they consider multiple factors, and things like education, social skills, and mental health can get you approved. My GPA has always been very low, and I've never done particularly well in school. My teacher thought I was autistic because I struggled with both grades and socializing, as well as displaying inappropriate emotion (crying) in class.\n\nI guess it's on a spectrum? I've gradually been getting worse. Maybe my mistake was avoiding more after high school? I did apply for jobs, go for interviews, take public transport. After the panic attacks, things got worse, so the avoidance increased. I was set out to go to college, but that's when all these problems started, so I had to drop out. Now I can't use public transport, can't get haircuts, can't do much of anything. The living on my own has worsened things as well. I felt safe at my parents' place, and I know many avoidants who still live at their parents at very old ages. I think I moved out of my parents very late, at 29 or 30. Even though I had the money, the prospect of leaving was terrifying. I mostly left because of abuse more than anything.\n\nMany people attribute my joblessness to laziness. Even on disability, it's not much of a life. My siblings think I've got it easy, but this isn't the life I wanted. I have nobody, and I hardly find interest in things. I don't typically binge watch tv shows or anything, I have lost interest in things I used to enjoy, so I hardly do 'fun' things at all. Everything is scary. I'm supposed to go to the orthodontist, but I've been avoiding it for years now because it's a new place. This behavior in me is pretty typical, leave things for the last moment. I can't even do therapy. I was forced into it at the hospital back in 2014, but I couldn't stay. They let me go after they determined I wasn't going to self-harm again. That was when I was diagnosed with AvPD.\n\nI enjoyed working at my parents' company. I would work while listening to music, and it wasn't bad because it was empty. At first, it was filled with people, and I gave it a try, but I couldn't manage it. So we switched to after-hours because it wasn't particularly productive since cleaning while people are making a mess was a waste of time. When they left, I could do the work, and I enjoyed it. Work gives you a sense of purpose in life, so without it, you feel even more depressed. Anyways their contract ended, so the job ended a few years ago. I've also done some moving jobs with my brother in-law, but he would do the socializing, and that was awkward and embarrassing at times, but I managed it. I did fine when people didn't talk to me, but sometimes they did, which I hated.", "I have been on disability for AvPD for nearly 10 years (in the USA). I think what's the most important is to be formally diagnosed, first of all, and also have a track record of being treated for the disorder. I had been seeing psychiatrists for about 5 years for social anxiety before one changed my diagnosis to AvPD. Some time after that I applied for disability and was granted it on the first try (some say everyone is denied on the first attempt, but that's usually because the person doesn't have an on paper history of having the disorder/disease).", "I've never asked anyone out in my life. I've had girls interested in me since I was a child, but it never amounted to much. High school was no different, I'd always come with any excuse to avoid the relationship, even if the feelings were mutual. It rarely ever worked out for me. I've had some women take the initiative, but even then, it got nowhere. I could barely speak to them. I was only able to speak with them in a limited capacity, that too, online only. In-person, I couldn't do anything beyond saying 'Hi' or 'Hello.' I didn't even do the adding on messenger, they had to ask my friend for details. That's always how it's been for me. It was always a friend that intervened and forced me to add her on messenger, I couldn't do anything like that. The most I can do is sometimes stare, and maybe get close. \n\nI don't think It's impossible. I've seen some with AvPD that have managed it, but I think its mostly women that have had more success, and I think that's because shyness in women is socially acceptable. Shyness in men is seen as undesirable. Plus, in most cultures, men are required to initiate or take things further, and that's something I can never do.\n\nAnyways, I don't think it's possible for me personally, but it might be for some Avoidants. I might be miserable alone, but at least I feel safer. I'm 32, so I think that ship has pretty much sailed. Will I find someone in the future? Highly unlikely, my behaviors, thoughts, and life haven't changed much at all. I don't even go out much, so the chances of me running into potential relationships are quite low, and even if I got the chance, it's not something I could pursue at this stage of my life. I'm not ready, despite my age. I don't have friends anymore, but I know all my high school friends are either married or in relationships, and they have been for years. My siblings are all married, so yeah, I don't see myself being with anyone anytime soon." ] }, { "feature_id": 4358, "label": "The feature represents the subjective experience, definition, and management of dissociation.", "pearson_r": 0.517857509819794, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.02213972712834153, "mean_pos": 2.9862372875213623, "top_texts": [ "Dissociation For those that have a problem with dissociation ,does it feel like your whole body is numb at times? .its gotten better but when i am having a bad time it is full force dissociation its tough to get through .do you have any tricks besides the usual grounding technique?", "Dissociation is one of my worst issues. Straight up, I have yet to find anything that helps for very long. Sorry.\n\nBut I have found some small things that help when this starts feeling bad or stifling:\n\n* daily meditation\n* prioritizing my sleep routine so I get better quality sleep, and more of it\n* setting reminders on my phone (for example, to prompt myself to eat)\n* self-administered pressure point massage (I started these techniques because of migraines, but they really help me relax when I'm distressed, too)\n\nhope this helps, or you can find something else that works for you. This shit sucks.", "Disassociating How common is it for one with BPD to dissociate? Especially from being a living person? How does it feel to you guys? Have you found anything helpful to stop it?" ] }, { "feature_id": 6149, "label": "The intersection of cannabis use and the risk or management of psychotic disorders.", "pearson_r": 0.7489839547094242, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.015652806215197382, "mean_pos": 4.208634376525879, "top_texts": [ "Weed can trigger psychosis, and it can even trigger schizophrenia. However what you describe sounds like much more psychosis than even daily weed would probably be able to produce.\n\nHe would probably be a hell of a lot better without the weed, but I doubt it would fix all his problems.\n\nHe needs to stick to a medication regimen, stop smoking, and get into regular therapy otherwise he's going to end up right back in the park.", "Weed and BPD So before I start I’d like to say I have not been diagnosed with BPD yet however after deep research I have all symptoms and highly believe that I may have it.\n\nAnyway I’m making this post because in my experience smoking weed and having assumed bpd(not trying to self diagnose here so please don’t come for me) don’t really mix well. I guess you could call me a somewhat heavy smoker. I started in my upperclassmen years of high school and it got heavier as time went on. Now I’m smoking at least 1-4 blunts each day. It used to be so fun and made everything so much more enjoyable but now all it does is get me high but the high isn’t what it used to be. I feel very dull when the high wears off and it’s even changing me as a person. I know this is common for most “drugs” but it’s much more intense than that. Like my anxiety goes through the roof, I’ve turned into an introvert when Ive always been very outgoing, I’ll get these really dark depressing thoughts, and in all it just makes me feel/act/think negatively. It’s honestly breaking me down. When I’m sober I have major mood swings and anxiety so you would think weed would help those sort of things but no. It amps it up to 100 and makes me feel all kind of weird.\n\nI’ve tried to quit so many times but I’m never able to stick with it. It’s almost as if I need it and I don’t like that. When I’m sober, even though it can be tougher that way to cope with things, I still feel more like myself and it makes me so happy. But I always end up giving in to the constant urge to smoke. I feel like smoking is one of my main issues I need to cut out as I feel it sorta blurs the lines between how I’m feeling or thinking making it difficult to resolve personal problems that I may have.\n\nJust felt like sharing and wondering if anyone else out there has similar experiences", "Will smoking weed cause schizophrenia if I have a family history of it? As the title states; I am wondering if this puts me at a greater risk for developing it. I have been smoking weed since I was about 15. I have moderate to severe generalized anxiety and it helps me sleep and calm down. I am unable to sleep without a chemical component (weed or my prescribed Xanax). It helps me a lot with the physical symptoms as well; I don’t feel like I have a dead weight on my chest all the time and breathe better. However, I have started to feel like maybe smoking weed isn’t a great idea as I have a family history of schizophrenia. My aunt who is my fathers twin is schizophrenic and my other paternal aunt has a son with schizophrenia. My mother’s side of the family hasn’t ever had a history just my fathers side. I don’t exhibit symptoms. I’m just anxious, paranoid, and distrustful of peoples intentions, but that’s probably due to anxiety and life experience. What are my chances of having it occur if I continue to smoke?" ] }, { "feature_id": 14189, "label": "The feature represents workplace-related anxiety and interpersonal conflict with a supervisor.", "pearson_r": 0.6789213280349942, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.018503989743393484, "mean_pos": 3.3242557048797607, "top_texts": [ "Lost it in a meeting with my boss My boss has become hyper critical in the past couple years. I've been at the same job for ten years and can't afford to just pick up and walk because of insurance needed for my family. My boss reprimanded me yesterday for incorrectly spelling a name on a file and again this morning via email. I replied and apologized. She brought it up again in our weekly one-on-one meeting and in absolute frustration of not being able to produce an apology or answer to satisfy her I got teary and then like an idiot muttered something about how I didn't think she liked me anymore. I feel humiliated and just want to go home and hide. She suggested we talk again later. My annual review is Monday and I already know she is going to nitpick some more. We used to have a good relationship and I think a lot of what is going on is about her own life stress and not me, but I can't really say that and I feel absolutely trapped at the moment and now embarrassed that I responded childishly by crying. She talks to me like I'm an idiot and acting like one doesn't help my case. Any positive words before my incentive late afternoon follow up would be appreciated. I sure am glad it's Friday. ", "When your boss says “Just be yourself” and you have to wonder if they aren’t trying to get you caught up in HR and get you fired 😞", "My boss got upset with me Yesterday at the hotel I work at, someone was unsatisfied with the room I (27F) put them in. I moved their room, and made a mental note to go to that room when I had a moment, and turn off any lights they may have left on. \n\nLater on, my boss calls me. We go over our room inventory, and he tells me that I need to go turn the lights off in that room. Mental Note.\n\nSo I get swamped with check ins, and I forget about the lights. My boss calls me again like 3 hours later, and reminds me to go turn the lights off after he confirmed I hadn't done it yet. He then moves on to other topics, we're on the phone talking for the next five minutes. \n\nSo after we hang up, I sit back down. I get another call from him five minutes later, in which he says to me, \"I guess I'll go turn off the lights in that room, since you have so many other important things to do than work.\"\n\nI kind of just stuttered. I can't really remember the rest of the work day. I feel so useless standing in front of him just saying the same \"oh sorry, I forgot\" over and over again. His response is always either \"Why?\" or \"Pay more attention.\" The rejection sensitivity makes this so much worse, given the fact that we can usually talk about his culture and family and what not.\n\nAt work today I kept a list by me so I could remember and check off everything. That worked well." ] }, { "feature_id": 12180, "label": "The feature represents the physical sensation of burning or thermal pain.", "pearson_r": 0.5466428522904136, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.017949061405690886, "mean_pos": 3.3795039653778076, "top_texts": [ "my throat was burning by this time.", "my throat was burning by this time.", "we are at this for about an hour, getting blisters and burns from how hot this fire is." ] }, { "feature_id": 11456, "label": "The feature represents the persistent, irrational belief that one is socially rejected or disliked by others despite external evidence to the contrary.", "pearson_r": 0.5560611614465931, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.025526703534319448, "mean_pos": 2.3732199668884277, "top_texts": [ "I feel like I’m not liked? For some reason I feel like I’m not liked. The people I know say that they think I’m cool, unique, kind, empathetic and so on. I don’t think I actually have friends, I think they just see me as an acquaintance and it kinda hurts. When I’m in a group of friends and they’re all talking, sometimes when I try to speak they ignore what I said and just keep on speaking. That’s why I just remain silent because I feel like I’m annoying. \n\nIf people say all these nice things about me, do they even mean it? that’s what I’m wondering now. If they mean it, then why don’t they get happy when they see me like the way they see other friends? I feel like I’m just an extra piece. I’m just there and kinda invisible to them. They say that they enjoy my company but I don’t think that’s true. I don’t think it’s all in my head.\n\nI know I sound stupid and ungrateful but I’m struggling to understand why this is happening to me. ", "Nobody likes me (confirmed) I've always had this irrational fear that everyone around me just fundamentally didn't like me. I tried so hard to be accommodating and shift my personality to make it easiest on them. \n\nMy previous job I felt like every person there had something against me even though I had never done anything to them. I quit and got a new one. The same thing happened. Everyone was meaner with me than with others. \n\nI told myself that it was unlikely and I was probably just imagining it. Then I hung out with a friend from work and after much gentle prying he admitted that they all agreed they don't like me. Because I'm too energetic...?\n\nRight before he told me that I got into with a coworker because I made a joke and he wasn't in the mood. Long story short, he told me he doesn't like me as a person and that I shouldn't talk to him. \n\nSo I guess people actually don't like me... That's nice to know. ", "I feel like everyone dislikes me and I don't know what to do I try to be likeable. I try to be sociable and everyone says \"they love me\" and I'm \"so positive\" and have \"such a good energy,\" but what they say I am and how they treat me seem. Like two totally different things. People rarely seem to wanna hang out or associate themselves with me. People seem awkward around me. I just don't know what to do. It feels like no matter who I know and who I meet, I am just 100% unlikeable and will never be likeable. I feel like my own family and childhood best friends pretend to like me because they feel obligated to. Its such a lonely and horrible feeling." ] }, { "feature_id": 6166, "label": "The feature represents the psychological processing of time-based milestones and anniversaries related to personal recovery or trauma.", "pearson_r": 0.5505340189351837, "pred_f1": 0.7619047619047619, "freq": 0.02332612564342984, "mean_pos": 2.5730655193328857, "top_texts": [ "It’s just another 365 days to keep moving A year is only 365 days,it goes by like that without you even noticing it. Time does not stop and it only goes by faster as you get older. I hereby will stop wasting my time dwelling and overthinking, I’m not getting any younger. Our lives are merely a manifestation of our mind, if you want it badly enough I believe you can have it. Your life is what you focus on, if you focus on negativity that’s all you will see. Learn to be grateful for what you have no matter how small, and take steps to get what you want. Cheers to a more productive and enlightening 2020.", "another one that is far worse happened maybe a year ago.", "I haven't done anything even remotely entertaining, meaningful or rewarding in over a year and I haven't killed myself yet." ] }, { "feature_id": 11577, "label": "The feature represents the psychological construct of impulsivity and rapid, urgent action.", "pearson_r": 0.6293827811317888, "pred_f1": 0.8181818181818182, "freq": 0.020570619414837635, "mean_pos": 2.8419013023376465, "top_texts": [ "he ran full speed.", "he ran full speed.", "he got pretty fucking scared and started sprinting away from me." ] }, { "feature_id": 11595, "label": "The feature represents the search for practical organizational strategies and tools to manage executive dysfunction.", "pearson_r": 0.5582805395562043, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.019345949979907767, "mean_pos": 2.951085329055786, "top_texts": [ "How to make myself keep a diary (for appointments, not a journal) Hello redditors, I am a first time poster, but I've been lurking here for advice for a while.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nOne of the most helpful ADHD tips I've received was about Habitica, the habit forming, game playing app. Before I discovered it on this reddit group, I had real problems with keeping a to-do list. I would write myself a list, then promptly lose it or never look at it again. I was never able to keep one for more than a few days and they served no purpose whatsoever, it didn't stop me from procrastinating or forgetting. Habitica finally turned that around and by turning my to-do, daily tasks and habit lists into a game, I am finally able to start completing tasks more efficiently. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI was wondering whether anyone had any similar diary app or tips. I do the same with a diary as I used to do with a to-do list - I'll buy one and spend ages filling it out, then I'll lose it or never look at it again. People have suggested I use google calendar but the same happens really, I only very occasionally make an entry for my google calendar, and even when I do it serves no purpose because I don't look at it. It's very frustrating at work because I can never remember when my meetings are etc.\n\n&#x200B;\n\nHas anyone found a life changing life hack for keeping track of what's happening when?\n\n&#x200B;\n\nThanks!", "What system do you use to organize stuff and help keep your shit together? I'm in serious need of some sort of...personal organizer/calendar/notes system, to keep all appointments in and to jot down stuff I need to remember. Nothing complicated or fancy, ideally free or low-cost, and preferably something less detailed than the typical day planner but more structured than freeform notes or blank pages. \n\nI have at my disposable a PC, tablet, phone (a basic budget Android smart phone). I'm also open to using journal/notebook/other paper systems as well.\n\nWhat do you guys use? Is it digital or analog? How does it work for you? What would you recommend for me based on the above criteria?", "Any good organization tips, apps, books, anything for a new manager position? TL;dr: am aware we all have adhd but hoping for help getting shit together so I don’t drop ALL my new responsibilities.\n\nRecently switched into a managerial job overseeing 20ish people. Been with the company for two years and am familiar with most processes so I’m not starting from scratch. But I’m starting to get that feeling where you’re scrabbling for something to grab and it’s not ‘quite’ taking. I have a simple planner, google calendar (my own and access to several other people’s so ouch). Just wondering if anyone else here has a job involving scheduling and supervisory type stuff who may have a suggestion or two. " ] }, { "feature_id": 10157, "label": "The theme is the internal and external conflict surrounding the use of psychiatric medication.", "pearson_r": 0.6149704597167733, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.02279033276564802, "mean_pos": 2.4547226428985596, "top_texts": [ "How did you concede to the fact that you NEED medication to be an effective human being? I'm naturally stubborn, and I realize that I get in my own way when on certain days I try to convince myself I don't need to take my meds, but then on those days I realize I get absolutely nothing done, and the cycle of self loathing just begins once again.\n\nI think for myself the difficult part is getting my mind around the fact that in order to be the best version of myself I need to stay medicated... but then on the other hand I dislike the fact that I can't be effective on my own. \n\nSo basically how do you guys contend with yourselves everyday and make yourself feel comfortable relying on medication, because ultimately you know you're better off for it? ", "I wish med shaming in media (movies, music, tv . . .) would just disappear, at least for a little while. I really like this newer musician named Yungblud. He has adhd and recently he published a graphic novel about these people who have superpowers but are forced to take adderall to suppress the powers. Also a couple of his songs reference that he dislikes meds. I know that people can do whatever they want creatively; but as someone who is considering on giving up meds even though they help, it's definitely not helping seeing other people say they aren't necessary. I'm not working right now and it would help a lot if I didnt have to pay for meds since I'm just sitting around lol. I continue taking them because it's such a hassle to stop taking them due to all of the running around and legalwork they require in the U.S. Also skipping my meds makes me dizzy. \nSome of us need meds. They help us drive, cook, clean, pay attention to conversations, remember, and some other things. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a job that allows them to basically do whatever they want. Sometimes I feel like giving up on taking meds and seeing people in pop culture speaking about them negatively just makes me doubt my choice of getting help even more. I really love Yungblud's carefree attitude and his music. He often speaks about how important mental health is, but his audience is very young and I wish he wouldn't speak about meds in a discouraging way :/", "got forcibly taken to the hospital, against my wishes (i was fine." ] }, { "feature_id": 13949, "label": "The feature detects the perception of experiences or behaviors as unsettling, disturbing, or \"creepy.\"", "pearson_r": 0.8639687545470802, "pred_f1": 0.9090909090909091, "freq": 0.01898237624141296, "mean_pos": 2.937725305557251, "top_texts": [ "*creepy/unnerving* that is, and just weird.", "it was very very creepy.", "it was very very creepy." ] }, { "feature_id": 2075, "label": "The feature represents the experience of acute social isolation and existential distress specifically triggered by New Year's Eve and holiday-related social comparison.", "pearson_r": 0.6231106687485658, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.017183643008859717, "mean_pos": 3.2311599254608154, "top_texts": [ "I wasn't awake to break in the new year. Everyone else was out with their friends or could enjoy the company of their family. I played the sims had a few drinks and smoked weed and went to sleep at 11. I don't want this year to be like the next...", "New Year's Eve again Today I will spend it alone, in my pajamas, and with nothing to eat but cereal, there is nothing to be thankful for this year and no things I want to try next year.\n\nHappy New Year to me!\n\nI hope you guys are having a much better time.", "New Year's blows It's like every other lonely night of the year, but with a more urgent sense of isolation, and a sadder pit of regret inside.\n\nDifferent year, same story." ] }, { "feature_id": 2682, "label": "The feature identifies experiences of sexual assault and the resulting trauma.", "pearson_r": 0.643309841767149, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.01735586214814673, "mean_pos": 3.0457541942596436, "top_texts": [ "Sexual assault worsen my depression As the above title have stated, I’ve suffered depression and anxiety for a while now. I’ve shunned everyone out because of this and finally to get out there to meet new people- I did and I thought that he was a nice guy. We texted back and forth, and after few rejections to him asking me out, I finally said yes. I went over to his place and we talked. Few moments later he started groping me. I wanted to leave but I was afraid if I said no and things he might do after. Things escalated and he was inside me and I said “No I can’t do this anymore”. At that point his tone changed and sounded pissed. He continued until I pushed him hard enough and knelt down. He asked me to jerk him off til he came, I reluctantly did it and when we were done, I quickly packed up and left. I felt violated and that my body has betrayed me by submitting. I felt weak. Ever since the sexual encounter, I’ve punished myself by cutting for not standing up for myself and to have allowed it to happen. Words like “I should have not let him touch me/ You got what you deserved” are in my head and guilt has just been eating me up. There’s no way I could tell my parents or anyone.\n\nWhat should I do to overcome this? I don’t want things like that to happen to other women he’s going to encounter in future, at the same time I’m afraid to face him alone again. ", "How to deal with the pain of something that should have never happened? I was sexually assaulted by my therapist. It's been a year. It's not the first one sexual assault I've experienced but for whatever reason, this one brought the trauma of other ones so now I react to everything related to them too. \n\nI guess I just need some advice at how this can get easier. I am starting EMDR therapy on Monday so I've got that going for me. ", "How to deal with the pain of something that should have never happened? I was sexually assaulted by my therapist. It's been a year. It's not the first one sexual assault I've experienced but for whatever reason, this one brought the trauma of other ones so now I react to everything related to them too. \n\nI guess I just need some advice at how this can get easier. I am starting EMDR therapy on Monday so I've got that going for me. " ] }, { "feature_id": 2837, "label": "The feature detects explicit descriptions of physical trauma or injury involving blood.", "pearson_r": 0.5136914499527061, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.015614535295355824, "mean_pos": 3.3700830936431885, "top_texts": [ "he saw blood and said, \"mommy!", "we looked down and watched blood streaming down from under his shorts........", "we looked down and watched blood streaming down from under his shorts........" ] }, { "feature_id": 13395, "label": "The feature represents the emotional distress and personal impact associated with the experience of divorce.", "pearson_r": 0.5921247497386497, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.016628714671157122, "mean_pos": 3.1633975505828857, "top_texts": [ "Anniversary of my divorce It’s a fucking hard day. I was hospitalized and my ex wife dropped papers on me during admittance. Today I am not feeling suicidal but I did fall back on an old coping mechanism of self harm. I cut my arm probably 30 times. I feel shame looking at it but the pain runs so deep. I can’t get out of bed today. I don’t even love my ex wife but the divorce was enough trauma that it haunts me today. I had a nightmare I got stuck in. I still can’t figure out how to rebuild. I’m truly stuck. Today really sucks and I can’t figure it out. I needed to vent I’m sorry it’s so harsh and difficult to read. I’m not normally this bad but today has pushed all my limits. They say time heals all wounds but these still feel deep. /r/", "Does anyone here have any experience with divorce? So my wife told me last week that she wants a divorce. We came to a mutual understanding a few days later that our relationship can no longer function. I am incapable of giving her the physical and emotional attention she deserves. \nI feel so lost. We were talking about buying a house next year and now that’s out the window. I have my disability hearing in two months, so at least I’ll have some income. When do I apply for benefits? I can’t work, so I’m gonna have to rely entirely on state aid. I also don’t have insurance, so I can’t see a doctor right now. \nCan anyone else relate? I need someone to talk to who will understand how I feel. ", "my parents where divorced." ] }, { "feature_id": 8531, "label": "The feature represents the theme of supernatural or paranormal experiences and beliefs.", "pearson_r": 0.5742011496979373, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.017011423869572707, "mean_pos": 3.0881948471069336, "top_texts": [ "he said the ghost looked young and seemed confused and scared.", "he said the ghost looked young and seemed confused and scared.", "not creepy but ghostly." ] }, { "feature_id": 6000, "label": "The feature represents the use of YouTube as a coping mechanism, distraction, or behavioral habit.", "pearson_r": 0.5685520361140008, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.01601637995369219, "mean_pos": 3.2004787921905518, "top_texts": [ "Anybody else find comfort in just watching YouTube all day? If so, what are y’all’s favorite channels? Currently on a PrettyMuchIt, CinemaSins and DeadMeat binge", "3. [10-20-40](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkyGU7d4fFc)\n4. [Tunnel Vision](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyiaJydJBy0)\n5. [Time Out](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wskU0t7QwpA)\n6. [Alterlife](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW-ZiKXMcGk)\n7. [Through The Wire](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fVbpWzjPDM)\n8. [Cyber Stockholm Syndrome](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKLxvdFtlZE)", "Yoga. I used to dismiss it as Woo. But it's seriously the only the thing that lets me cry when everything feels locked in. Find a Youtube video. Yoga with Adrienne has good beginner ones - it's where I started" ] }, { "feature_id": 73, "label": "The feature represents the experience and conceptualization of paranoia.", "pearson_r": 0.7140117899941589, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.01571021259495972, "mean_pos": 3.2488596439361572, "top_texts": [ "Heya I have been diagnosed with both PPD and generalized anxiety. The difference between the two for me are how specific they are. When I am paranoid, I have specific worry about being harmed which can lead me to doing avoidant or protective behavior. When I have anxiety, I tend to worry about more generalized things, like what people think of me or my own actions. They cross over in a lot of ways, they both can make me over generalize and fear about the future. Paranoia is just more specific to harm and fear of more serious actions against me, rather than anxiety which can make me fear how other perceive me.", "I’ve read somewhere that paranoia is a symptom of bpd, but I might be wrong? I experience it A LOT when I go outside, especially sitting on the bus when there’s men on there, I’m scared they’re gonna hop off at the same stop as me and assault me. If I stay up too late at night I’m scared someone is outside and gonna break into my house.", "Can anyone help me manage the paranoia symptom of adhd? It doesn't matter what time, place or if I'm alone or not (though it's much worse if I'm alone) if I hear a noise outside of my eyesight I'm paranoid to anywhere from a new hours to the next day it's really messing up my sleeping schedule can anyone help me manage this?" ] }, { "feature_id": 8634, "label": "The feature represents the expression of shared experience, validation, or empathetic resonance with another person's feelings.", "pearson_r": 0.5029975431965873, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.019116324460858418, "mean_pos": 2.6681249141693115, "top_texts": [ "That’s been my experience too & I felt the same way", "I cannot say whether or not this is the case for me but... Yeah me too.", "What if the answer was “ omg, i feel the same way”" ] }, { "feature_id": 7818, "label": "The feature represents physical impairment or loss of motor function in the lower extremities.", "pearson_r": 0.5480484858633795, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.018408312443789588, "mean_pos": 2.7291550636291504, "top_texts": [ "my leg so tired 4.", "when i woke up, i could not stand on my leg.", "when i woke up, i could not stand on my leg." ] }, { "feature_id": 6837, "label": "The feature identifies the use of fictional characters, media, or narratives as a framework for processing personal grief, mental health, and identity.", "pearson_r": 0.5672601462352977, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.019843471937848026, "mean_pos": 2.497319459915161, "top_texts": [ "You can’t hurt a dead man. Roman's crashing, and probably using pills to buffer the crash and enhance the apathy. Keiran's ability to portray all of these emotions and realistic movements of a broken, powerful person experiencing complex grief is astounding, and I really hope he gets the Emmy he deserves.", "Long story short, someone presented a very powerful monologue as a precursor for a healing art session. FollowIng healing art, there were 4 powerful guest speakers. The monologue shook me and put me in a vulnerable space when heading into the healing art. The 4 speakers solidified this. I searched for the right words, and for the first time, I found them.", "The comic is also good on the topic of healing, grief, self-care, and forgiveness." ] }, { "feature_id": 12098, "label": "This feature detects references to physical sensations or self-directed negative affect specifically concerning the arms.", "pearson_r": 0.5048731759249485, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.013280009185020761, "mean_pos": 3.664771318435669, "top_texts": [ "still hate my arm tho.", "still hate my arm tho.", "my arms are tired." ] }, { "feature_id": 11447, "label": "The feature represents the intersection of gender identity, masculinity, and interpersonal dynamics within a therapeutic or social context.", "pearson_r": 0.621302454945987, "pred_f1": 0.8181818181818182, "freq": 0.017336726688225952, "mean_pos": 2.7379350662231445, "top_texts": [ "There’s a lot of discourse around how men’s relationship with their mothers affect their view on woman these days. It’s a hurtful assumption, but I have been on that end myself and it’s always come from a place of fear for me not a place of accusation because of how many times I’ve heard ‘how he treats his mother is how he treats women’.", "Not the most affirming moment as I'm still on my journey, but today my therapist said that I sounded like a man! This is the first time that has happened, really :)", "i trust this man even less than the woman, but i can't put my finger on it." ] }, { "feature_id": 12534, "label": "The feature identifies recruitment for academic or clinical research studies.", "pearson_r": 0.5012306777218595, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.01450467861995063, "mean_pos": 3.2717862129211426, "top_texts": [ "If you are interested in participating, you will be asked to complete an anonymous online survey that will take approximately 20 to 30 minutes, one time only. If you are interested in participating, please click on the following link: Or, if you would like further information, please message me. For your participation, you may choose to enter a raffle to win one of eight $25.00 gift cards.", "Participation is completely voluntary. If you are interested in participating, you will complete an online screener to see if you qualify to participate. If you qualify, you will complete a variety of questionnaires online. The study will involve four online assessments over the next month that should take about 40-50min to complete and you will be compensated up to $70 in online gift cards to Amazon. A few important things to know about the study are:", "* The survey usually only takes about 5 minutes (or less) to complete - but you can take as long as you like! * Please note that this survey is best viewed via a computer screen, rather than on a mobile phone. Interested? Here's the link: " ] }, { "feature_id": 14877, "label": "The clinical classification and diagnostic differentiation of schizoaffective disorder.", "pearson_r": 0.7793607976697798, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.014829981438603876, "mean_pos": 3.1005630493164062, "top_texts": [ "And while schizoaffective is a mix of mood and psychotic disorder, it is listed under the psychotic disorders category, indirectly making it a psychotic disorder, not a mood disorder. Aka not bipolar.", "Yes, but that doesn’t mean that experiencing mania automatically means you have bipolar. You can have one disorder and exhibit symptoms of another disorder but that doesn’t mean you have that other disorder. You just experience some symptoms of it. Schizoaffective is a psychotic disorder that experiences a symptom found in bipolar, but that doesn’t make it a bipolar disorder. It’s still a psychotic disorder, still schizoaffective, that just happens to experience mania like in bipolar. Hence it’s a bipolar TYPE. Not schizoaffective bipolar, schizoaffective bipolar TYPE.", "When you said it was a mood disorder, you implied it wasn’t a psychotic disorder, which it is. A psychotic disorder that experienced SYMPTOMS of a mood disorder, whether it’s MDD or bipolar. It doesn’t make you bipolar though, it makes you schizoaffective, a disorder on its own. If you were bipolar, you wouldn’t be suffering from a psychotic disorder with symptoms of bipolar, symptoms which are not as consistent as they would be in someone diagnosed purely with bipolar. You’re forgetting the fact that schizoaffective is a disorder so if someone has a psychotic disorder but also experienced some symptoms of a mood disorder like mania, that doesn’t make them bipolar, it makes them SCHIZOAFFECTIVE. Lord" ] }, { "feature_id": 4090, "label": "The feature represents the internal experience of academic or professional failure and the resulting crisis of self-worth.", "pearson_r": 0.5980826800320482, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.01758548766719608, "mean_pos": 2.5772223472595215, "top_texts": [ "Failing big time with Education i have ALWAYS been an overachiever at school. it was the only thing i was good out. i was always told i was clever and i did really well in school, like above average well. \n\nuntil about last year when everything went downhill. im now at college and doing GCSES again because i failed the last set (which i am devastated about) i just dont know how to cope with not being on top. and not even being average. i am so so far below average now. and i have my exams coming up soon and i dont know what to so. i want to take my exams but if i fail i know i wont be able to cope with that. ahhhh i dont know i just dont have a clue how to adjust to not doing well at school. i am such a failure :((", "Never enough Why do I waste my time? I know I'm going to fail. I always do. But I guess that's what I've always been told. Get back up on the horse. Keep trying. Fake it till you make it.\n\nBut I don't think I'll ever make it?\n\nEverything important to me has ended in failure. Every time I try, things just end up the same or worse. What if this is all I have to offer the world? That scares me. \n\nMaybe if I pretend I don't care, maybe the hurt will go away. Fake it to you make it, right?", "Feel like a failure for not becoming the person I should have been. I was raised by a well off family, I hate the luxury holidays the 10 bedroom Manor House in the country, the successful corporate dad. The mother who was always there for me. I went to a school a Ivy League school I had the world at my feet. \n\nThen my dad died......my world ended there pretty much all the money was gone I was pulled out of school and failed my GCSEs. I struggled for years with depression and anxiety whilst my friends trained in medicine, law and corporate finance. They are all super successful now and well there’s me..... the washed up carer, teaching assistant, counsellor. I don’t really know how it all went so wrong I have tried to better myself recently but don’t think I will ever have it as good as any of my old school friends. I am 30 years old and stuck in zero hour work which is ruining my life. \n\nI cry at night ashamed at who I am and how I let my life go so crappy. Sometimes I am even suicidal sometimes I just don’t care anymore. I try to rationalise that the pursuit of happiness isn’t a bank balance or societal success but still I can’t help feeling like a colossal failure. My life now in contrast to the life I could have had are two different worlds. I know people will say well you allowed it to happen you made choices and yes I did but I was severely damaged mentally from my dads death, whereby I wasn’t in a good place to make any decisions and before I knew it I am 30 years old thinking what the hell happened." ] }, { "feature_id": 1751, "label": "The feature represents the act of self-harm or the metaphorical \"cutting off\" of relationships and responsibilities.", "pearson_r": 0.5582234038431394, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.01879102164220517, "mean_pos": 2.407141923904419, "top_texts": [ "Just cut off a friend of 6 years. It was for the best. But I feel weird and kinda empty about it. Not really sad. Anybody know what I’m talking about?\nhttps://reddit.com/r/NPD/comments/qc8di9/how_does_it_feel_when_you_cut_off_a_long_term/", "You're wanting to cut because it will make you feel something, find what that something is and try find a more healthy alternative that might recreate the same type of emotion", "I’m about 3 weeks sober from cutting, admittedly I don’t know how much I plan on staying sober from it." ] }, { "feature_id": 1877, "label": "The feature represents the act of closing one's eyes, often associated with sensory withdrawal, emotional avoidance, or an attempt to self-soothe.", "pearson_r": 0.5953684544918927, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.015193555177098682, "mean_pos": 2.913231611251831, "top_texts": [ "i close my eyes.", "i take his word for it, and close my eyes.", "i closed my eyes really tight." ] }, { "feature_id": 7118, "label": "The feature represents the psychological conflict or preoccupation regarding video game usage as a coping mechanism or source of distress.", "pearson_r": 0.70722345034783, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.014963929658049331, "mean_pos": 2.9535515308380127, "top_texts": [ "I’m starting to lose interest in video games, which I’ve used to distract myself from my bad thoughts for years now, I am very nervous about not knowing what’s going to happen now. I’ve always played video games until I literally couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore so I could fall asleep without having to deal with suicidal thoughts. Over the past week or so I’ve had almost no desire to play them anymore and they haven’t been able to distract me at all and I’m honestly really scared to find out what’s going to happen next. ", "First Post: I just deleted 500+ GB of video games, and am quitting! I just deleted around 500GB of games from my hard drive and backup hard-drive. (1TB of storage saved!) \n\nI got the idea from the last few weekends being a waste. There was a year or so that I hardly played any games at all. I started playing games again and told myself it was to gain friend in my college town. (The lies I tell myself) Lately I was so excited about having the motivation to get ahead of my homework. Note I have ADHD too. So I tell myself that tomorrow (sat) is the day I am going to catch up on everything. I start gaming at 6PM and just want to play 'a few matches before making dinner'; 11PM I decided it was time for my \"last match\", at almost 12 was when I finally shut it off. I then wanted to stay just online a bit to \"close all my tabs\", I then watched 3 hours of videos about PC hardware and read about Apex strategy for about an hour and a half. I then go to bed at about 5PM! Today was the day I was suppose to get all my work done. I wake up and decide to watch a few videos with my breakfast... Mistake! Now my computer is on: I decide to play for just a half hour. I did not stop the games until 2PM with only a few short brakes, no school work! I even decided not to travel 8 hours round trip to visit my family this weekend and last, so I can spend that time on my books. Last weekend was about the same. I told myself I was going to get some of my old hardware working so I could have some new friends over without the hassle of setting up there PC's here. I self deluded myself. I even spent money on a new cooler because a know it all gaming 'friend' insisted that my 3rd computers CPU was \"running too hot\". I also bought a keyboard for the 3rd computer and a couple new mouse-pads. He then talked me into buying minecraft, a game I never liked, so I could play \"HIS\" favorite game! Then we ran into networking problems. The work and money required to get 4 lan party gaming rigs working is just too much. I got home internet for gaming party reasons as well and it is making me fall back into youtube addiction! My old gamer friends were about the same. Same with gamer family members. (Trying to use up my time and energy just so I can spend time with them) I tried to get him to go to a hokey game with me, but nope. Games,,, Even though the hokey game was free, and I save energy by not being home! I could have saved that 140 bucks for the eye-surgery I am saving for. Enough is enough! I finally am down to 7 youtube videos and 4 reddit tabs, all four are r/StopGaming and I am serious about it. I am thinking I should get rid of the internet as well next month. \n\nI deleted 1000TB of games off my two drive + apex/L4D2/TF2 off my SSD as well as starcraft 2 and the steam client: Gone. Good-riddance. I am half tempted to sent the stuff back to amazon. (although it I am happy with this cheap cherry blue keyboard, it is making typing this post more fun) \n\nFun fact, I have linux on my laptop and love it. I keep windows on my PC because of games and a few other programs that I rarely use. I have most of those 'other programs' at college so no need for windows. I was so close to spending 700+ bucks on a new AMD 3700+ gaming rig. I currently have:\n\n16GB ram/2700 I7/AMD480\n\n16GB ram/6600K I5/AMD480\n\n4GB ram/Pentium G4400 (Junk)/AMD480\n\nOther random hardware in need of CPU's,\n\nNow if only I could get around to selling the old parts on Ebay!\n\nI think I will keep the two 16GB rigs. Install Linux on the 6600K and keep windows on the 2700 so I can keep using my windows only apps (excluding games of course). This way I do not need to dual boot. Sell all the other random crap on eBay!\n\nI am even tempted to cut ties to my gaming \"friends\" and family.\n\nTL:DR:\n\nI quit gaming a year ago because it was a waste of time.\n\nI move to a new location and meet uni friends and decide to set up a gaming room.\n\nI waste time playing games that I should be spending on school\n\nI decided to delete my games 2 hours ago at 4AM after staying up 6 hours past my bed time and wasting 20+ hours this weekend on the 'hobby'. \n\nI feel good about it. \n\nThe end... Hopefully!", "Would God really send me to the Pit just for playing video games? So I hear voices and see cartoon hallucinations and God keeps telling me they have my soul and keep watching me from Hell and that I need to stop playing violent video games. He seemingly didn’t care for a long while and then when I stopped believing my delusions of random things they tried to make me believe the judgements started coming down. I can’t even play tanks without being told I have 4 more chances until I’m dead and I’m already being sent to the pit. I’ve felt extreme heat before while playing games and now it’s just verbal. \n\nWhat should I do?\nJust ignore it?\nBecause the voices never stop talking and somehow I can sense innately that it’s God or the Angels or demons talking." ] }, { "feature_id": 13754, "label": "The feature represents the frustration and logistical challenges associated with obtaining prescription psychiatric medication.", "pearson_r": 0.5495422387887744, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.015920702654088292, "mean_pos": 2.730257511138916, "top_texts": [ "I really dislike pharmacies **History:** I'm in my 30's and have been off/on taking medication since I was diagnosed in the 3rd grade. I've taken nearly all variations of medication throughout that period of time and have never had a more difficult time getting a prescription. I'm not talking about getting it prescribed, I'm talking about getting it filled (consistency).\n\n**Here's a story about what has to happen, this is the most efficient path I have to take to getting a prescription.**\n\n* Once every three months I get 3 prescription sheets from my doctor. \n* They are sent digitally to the pharmacy of my choice \n* The first one is automatically filled, I am contacted. \n* 1 month from that date (no sooner), on the day I take the LAST pill. I am now able to fill my next script (no sooner). \n * If the pharmacy doesn't have it in stock I cannot transfer the script, I must call the doctor to have them cancel, and then write a new one and send to a pharmacy that has it in stock. \n * Catch1, pharmacy cannot disclose how much stock they have. They can only tell you if they have enough to fill it. \n * Catch 2, pharmacy cannot disclose the above information until you have sent a script to them… \n* If the pharmacy has it in stock I can pick it up in an hour.\n\n\n**So here's my most recent story:**\n\n* Was told I had no remaining prescriptions on file at the store I go to monthly (have been going there for more than a year).\n* Scheduled an appointment with my doctor \n * At the appointment he said \"I gave you 3 months in December… are you sure they don't have it?\"\n * Dr. Gives me 2 more scripts sent to the pharmacy and says \"see you in April\"\n* Call pharmacy after 3 hours.\n * Pharmacist says she does not have it on file (this happens every time).\n * I repeat that I am not trying to **refill** I am trying to **fill** a script.\n * Pharmacist finds the script and says it will be filled shortly (usually takes an hour) ! note this for later\n* I ask the Pharmacist why this happens each month. She responds saying that they are making changes (I recall hearing this before - she states that isn't true… okay).\n* I tell the pharmacist I have three issues with what's going on here, since she's been very rude, dismissive, and keeps ignoring the words I'm saying and is defaulting. I ask her to please listen to me clearly I need her to take some time to explain to me what is going on and address my concerns: \n \n1. If my Dr. sends it to you directly the first one is filled automatically and the last two are saved on your internal files I can't see \n * She said that's never happened… However, it's happened every month (ever).\n * She explained I can see refills on my app. I (third time now) clarified that I'm not trying to **refill** I'm trying to **fill** a script and that I cannot see their internal \"saves\" on my personal app. I can only see refills \n2. When I do call in after that first time I'm met with denial that I have anything on file\n * The assumption here… is that they assume \"refill\". I will remind the reader, there's an automated message before talking to the pharmacist that says \"are you trying to refill, or checking on a refill?\" that's normally where those callers go… I opted for something else, and call in with the same exact format every month (with consistency) and get a different behavior from their employees every time… \n * After all that they find it magically and are able to fill (usually within one hour) ! again, reader, note this important part.\n3. When their business is out of stock, I find it surprising. \n * You see, with a controlled substance, I am not able to transfer the script. I have to call my doctor, inconvenience them, wait, and schedule for a new script, call a different place, contact my dr. to send it there if they say yes (or contact different place if they don't have it), doctor sends, I wait 30-40 min for the pharmacy to accept, call the pharmacy to make sure they are starting to fill it, clarify **it's a script not a refill**… Then they say it will be ready within an hour (again, remember this) - Again this is all only ON the day of my LAST pill being ingested that I'm able to do any of this. So if I mess up and don't fill it\n * The pharmacist explained that they got new or unexpected customers (said a few, not many, and was generalizing for all prescriptions not just mine) and that they are sorry to not have anything in stock. They are not going to turn away customers. \n * But they are okay with turning me away and completely inconveniencing someone who is stuck in their loop.\n\nAt the end of this I ask \"Okay, so you've filled it? Great. Will it be ready in about an hour?\" She replies \"Y… You know. I'm really backed up now. We'll send a text when it's ready\" …yeah, right.\n\nThis makes me upset because our conversation lasted four minutes and at the start of the conversation she said it would be filled shortly (with the normal expectation of it being an hour). Now she's saying it will be longer. I'm sitting here at 2 hours from that moment with no follow up text saying it's filled. Oh, by the way. Did I mention I took my last pill yesterday because I thought this would all be really efficient this morning and I'd be able to take it right before I went to work?\n\nAll of this, knowing I have ADHD because they are filling ADHD meds. The whole process, they're aware I'm not neurotypical yet continue to sweep issues under the rug and make the process difficult. \n \nI really am made to feel like I'm doing something wrong here and they're the ones that are in the wrong. I'm older now, but my younger self never could have navigated this bullshit. I think of all the people who have to be held to this employees whims just because they didn't accept their boilerplate and impatient responses to not listening to the customer. How can someone who holds that position be impatient in the first place? Their entire job revolves around people who are not having the best time in life, yet they expect us to be at some higher level of acceptance than they hold their own behavior to?", "CVS doesn't hold scripts? So my doctor wrote my script for Adderall to be filled tomorrow. I have a paper script. My usual pharmacy is closed on Sundays, so I decided to go to the neighborhood CVS today so that tomorrow I can just go and pick it up. The pharmacy tech took one look at my script and said \"sorry, but this says it can't be filled until February 4th\". I responded (very politely) \"well, that is tomorrow, I would like to drop it off today and pick it up tomorrow, if possible\" so then he says \"well normally we don't hold scripts, but I'll go ask\". So he goes and comes back a few minutes later and says \"well we don't have this in stock. We'd have to order it and it wouldn't be here until Thursday\". So I took my script back and left.\n\nWhy do I seem to have trouble like this every time I need to go to a different pharmacy? I don't like it.", "Why is filling my prescription impossible? I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and given a script for Vyvanse. I’ve been fighting with my local pharmacy tooth and nail for almost three weeks to get it. My insurance approved it, my doctor himself called the pharmacy multiple times, but today I went to the pharmacy again and they claimed the insurance hadn’t approved it, so they wouldn’t fill it. \n\nIs there anything I can do besides asking my psychiatrist to speak to them for the umpteenth time? Should I call my insurance company? This seems to be a problem on the pharmacy’s end if the insurance and my psychiatrist approved it." ] }, { "feature_id": 3186, "label": "The theme is the affirmation and cultivation of personal strength, resilience, and inner fortitude.", "pearson_r": 0.527058894362145, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.01785338410608699, "mean_pos": 2.4177777767181396, "top_texts": [ "I believe in you, I don’t know how much it helps but I believe in you, you can do it. And you will. You are strong. Stronger then you can even imagine, you got this", "You will have been given a chunk of life experience most people will never get hold of. You will have emotional super-strength. Things that throw others completely off balance won't even phase you. Tasks you previous had no courage for may now be a bit easier... You might soon find yourself being looked up to more than before...", "my heart, along with ambition, confidence and any persistence to carry on." ] }, { "feature_id": 515, "label": "The feature represents spatial navigation and the physical layout of domestic environments.", "pearson_r": 0.7607385443454672, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.014198511261218164, "mean_pos": 2.9987759590148926, "top_texts": [ "to get to the backdoor of her house you need to go through the driveway gate that is huge and is very loud.", "to get to the backdoor of her house you need to go through the driveway gate that is huge and is very loud.", "my room is structured so there are two doors, one to the bathroom, which feeds through to another door in the hallway, and the main door to my room from the same hallway." ] }, { "feature_id": 13876, "label": "The feature represents requests for urgent financial assistance or emergency micro-loans.", "pearson_r": 0.5143258975661823, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.014925658738207772, "mean_pos": 2.7970380783081055, "top_texts": [ "60 days past due, need 1,500 by the end up business Friday, current payment and past due amount. I made a post on r/borrow and would be willing to offer same terms to anyone here. There I requested $2250, to also help consolidate some loans I have there, with a pay back amount of $2,750 over 5 months. If I lose this car, my world will collapse and I will most likely end up homeless. I'm hoping there is a kind soul on here who can help, but hope all have a blessed day!", "I need to borrow $60, I was in the hospital earlier this week and missed a shift so I'm going to be short my next check, and I'm already down to only $20. I can pay back $85 by december 14th ​ I've paid back $100 in here before, and I've also posted to /r/borrow already. If you can help I'd really appreciate it, I can provide documentation of being in the hospital and my job", "I have been an avid Redditor for 4 years but unfortunately don't have the 1000+ karma needed to post on r/Borrow. I would pay $1200 ($1000 + $200 interest) in return by August 24 or earlier. Although I will (hopefully) receiving my stipend by the 6th, I know for a fact I will be receiving my scholarships for fall semester/my first paycheck from my job at home on or before the 24th, so this is just an added safety net in case the stipend takes extra time to process. I'm willing to provide any lender with the relevant personal information in a private message, and will keep in contact as much as necessary until the money is paid back (PayPal woud be best, but I'm open to other options as long as they are available in this country). Thanks for reading!" ] }, { "feature_id": 9502, "label": "The feature represents the experience of romantic infatuation or unrequited crushes as a source of emotional distress and self-perception issues.", "pearson_r": 0.639136475798642, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.01666698559099868, "mean_pos": 2.45086669921875, "top_texts": [ "crushes? ive come to realize that when i start to like someone or develop a crush its only because i like the idea of them liking me. I have never actually genuinely liked someone and i hate that, i feel like im incapable of getting close to someone because of my own problems so instead i focus on the idea of having someone to help me or fix me. I know this is unrealistic and selfish but its worse when i constantly want to die and i love the idea of someone loving me.", "3) I wish I confronted my highschool crush senior year. I was starting to come out of my shell and I was making friends but come senior year I lost nearly all of them. It seemed like rumors were spread about me and a few others seemed to indicate as such. We started talking sophomore year, I thought we were really good friends junior year, but senior year was a complete 180. She quit talking to me, ignored me, and acted like I didn't exist. After that I really shut down. I just wish I got a straight answer from her but after that I just went on accepting that people would always throw me in the trash.", "Well. When I have a crush on someone I get this very strong urge to just drown them in affection. I feel like they're the brightest light in any room and I just *have* to show them how I feel. Although this infatuation doesn't last long and doesn't link to any appreciation for who that person really is." ] }, { "feature_id": 15174, "label": "The feature represents the anticipation and preparation for an upcoming initial psychiatric or diagnostic evaluation.", "pearson_r": 0.5255855866338847, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.01546145161598959, "mean_pos": 2.6032047271728516, "top_texts": [ "how do you plan for your regular psychiatrist appointments? I'm going to my pDoc tomorrow and I'm wondering what I should bring up and what I should have prepared before hand. How do you plan your sessions?", "Gearing up for my first psychologist appointment I have an appointment next month and I feel like it’s a looming threat. I have been writing all of the events of my past and habits as a way to keep my composure during the appointment.\n\nLeading up to your first visits to address your ADHD, what things helped you cope?", "What should I expect about getting tested? In one week I have an appointment with a psychiatrist and I don’t know what to expect at all. \n\nI’m a 21 year old college student who’s almost done with school and I’m just now getting tested and I have no idea what to expect. My brother has pretty severe ADHD and was diagnosed in 2005 so I don’t really remember much from that as I was a kid myself. \n\n-What kinds of questions will I be asked? \n\n-Is there anything I should prepare? Like writing down things I struggle with or problems I’m having?\n\n-Will I receive a diagnosis that appointment or after a return visit? \n\nI’d love to hear what you guys experienced when you got diagnosed (especially if you were a young adult at the time) and any advice you can offer about being prepared and what to expect. \nThanks!\n\n\n\n" ] }, { "feature_id": 5687, "label": "The feature represents body dysmorphia and anxiety related to being photographed or observed.", "pearson_r": 0.6134395006822225, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.01234237164890258, "mean_pos": 3.2522733211517334, "top_texts": [ "Anxious about photo taking / being in photos Hey guys, first time posting. Took me forever because I couldn't figure out how to condense my thoughts.\n\n\n\n\nYeah, I feel so anxious and neurotic about taking pictures. Not only that, but anxiety about not being in photos.\nFrom ages 9 to about 16 ( I am 25 now, a college senior) I have no memories with other people, since I had no friends. And that fear of being forgotten is still here. As a photographer I make everyone else look amazing, but I feel conceited asking for photos / being in photos.\n\n\n\n\nToday I was eating dinner with a group of people in my major. We were all cramped in the corner of the room conversing, and someone said \"Wait, someone should take a picture of this (all of us)\" sorta offhand. If I had pushed that, asked if someone had a phone, it would have happened.\n\n\n\n\nThis is tearing me apart and I keep muttering \"I want to kill myself\" every time I miss an opportunity to record a memory with other people. My family always told me to go the extra mile growing up, so those voices won't SHUT UP. Is putting my camera away liberating, or am I taking my friends for granted? Will people remember me? I don't know and I need HELP. PLEASE. Hope this made sense.", "they were ` accident ' shots, ofcourse you know, the whole ` my finger slipped and woops my camera was on his crotch thing '.", "they were ` accident ' shots, ofcourse you know, the whole ` my finger slipped and woops my camera was on his crotch thing '." ] }, { "feature_id": 3069, "label": "The establishment and enforcement of interpersonal boundaries.", "pearson_r": 0.6883031089430485, "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947, "freq": 0.01637995369218699, "mean_pos": 2.415844202041626, "top_texts": [ "When you figured out that you had no boundaries, how did you go about building them? I was abused through my entire childhood, from before I can remember til I was 16 when it only stopped because he was arrested for it. My mom stayed with him and keeps trying to push him back into my (and my children's) life. Every so often new memories surface and I ask myself why I still have contact with her. She knew the whole time, she had to have known and she didn't do anything to stand up for us girls. She stayed with him and supports him through it all (and became emotionally/verbally abusive after his arrest because I spoke up about it) And it freaking hurts even 16 years later. \n\nSo now that I see that I need to distance myself from her, how do I go about it while doing damage control with the rest of the family? Should I even care if they get upset? Finally, would talking to a therapist help sort out how to do it and give me the final push? Thank you for any wisdom that you can share with me.", "Setting boundaries without them being on board and without them getting anything in return might be harmful, so for each boundary you set, ask yourself why it was crossed in the first place and if you two together can find a good alternative that will give them the same feeling and validation that caused the overstep. Communication is key :)", "I feel we aren't great with boundaries. Yes this is way too old lol" ] }, { "feature_id": 1624, "label": "The feature captures childhood social isolation and early developmental experiences of feeling different or alienated from peers.", "pearson_r": 0.754838081300506, "pred_f1": 0.8888888888888888, "freq": 0.017030559329493485, "mean_pos": 2.2921221256256104, "top_texts": [ "Let’s see elementary I was allowed to do what ever I wanted never was at the class but was the helper of the principal and the biology class so I was doing pretty well , I wasn’t very friendly to other kids though, I found them to be annoying, didn’t got into fights was pretty chill but I was doing a lot of after school programs in anything you can think off so I didn’t really care about school, also I use to be very dyslexic and I learned to read only in grade 4, middle school my depression hit in full force and I didn’t really got out of my bed for 2 years, at grade 9 I got into my competitive sport and it gave me a straw to breathe with, high school was really fun, I was a straight A kid had many friends, worked my ass off and most of the kids thought I was a demon or a witch so they will come to me to get stuff with that and it was hilarious, had a lot of fun with that, and off course my friends still are the gay crowd, who will invite the demon to eat pizza? The nb pan pal cottagecore lesbian and the femboi gay boi sprinkle my bi ex and her friends and we have movie date nights, I liked high school, but I prefer university", "I dont know, hard to say, Im not officially diagnosed yet neither. I guess it began when I was bullied the firsts yers of highschool, I have also been a weird guy anyway and my parents were overprotective and never let me go out. Whenever I trusted a friend it usually ended up they talking at my back and then I just shut in completely and avoided social life. I never went to parties, I never went out at night, etc.. Then in university after two years I droped out and I was practically a recluse at home for 2 years because I was scared to go out. I guess that is an important part of it", "I might have ADHD I dont even know where to begin. I always felt different than the others. I never had friends in kindergarten and in school. I remember back in kindergarten I used to run back and forth with a baby stroller. I was always bored when it came to doing things with others. I hated the touch of wooden pens until high school, I literally couldn't touch it otherwise I'd get chills and feel weird. In primary school I always got bad grades and I hated maths, I could never solve tasks. The only thing I was good at was English. I could never study without my mom shouting with me to freaking sit down and study. I need to mention I could only study in complete silence, any little noise would make me mad.\n\nAfter fifth grade I never studied I could always cheat or find other ways to make my grades decent or acceptable so I wouldnt fail class. I was never interested in anything in school. I played a lot of computer games though, 12-18hours a day. \n\nNow I'm high school this is my last year and I'm graduating soon. 2018 was hell for me, I was/am depressed (not really sure if I'm still depressed, my past few weeks been ok) but I still have anxiety. I always had intrusive thoughts even as a little kid. Not a while ago I realized that my mind is always going, it jumps from one thought to the other but it's not rare to have two or more thoughts at the same time. I always have some music going on in my mind. I can't remember when was the last time I could sit in one place without shaking my legs or tapping the desk with my fingers or playing with something with my hands. \n\nMy hand writing is terrible, sometimes I can't read my own handwriting. Sometimes when I write words I change up letters because my mind is going too fast or I just don't think at all. I realized this summer that I was always tense, my shoulders and neck. I think that's because of my anxiety but not sure, anyways I could improve that by paying attention to my body if I'm tense or not and if I am I just relax my muscles.I always had tiks as a kid and I still have but I can control them luckily.\n\nWhenever I take caffeine or drink coffee I don't feel any effects really, most of the times it makes me even sleepier. I sometimes feel like I'm on the go or if I was in a rush when in fact I have nowhere to be. I've never had a girlfriend, I could've got a few but whenever we're done with getting to know eachother and actually doing something together I always cut connections and just leave her alone because I got \"bored\" and I got my satisfaction by knowing I could get her. I know it sounds weird. \n\nI'm always anxious about what others think about me and how they see me. What if my hair doesn't look good? I might have a booger better wipe my nose (every 5mins). I better check my face in the mirror or my front camera. What if my breath smells? Better chew a gum (I go through a pack a day). I always grind my teeth even though I take magnesium and vitamins and I live a healthy lifestyle. I excercise 6 days a week because it makes me tired and I can fall asleep immediately. I've never had sleeping problems in my life, but getting up in the morning is hell for me. \n\nI recently also realized that my toes are always curled but I think my anxiety causes that too. I have never had serious troubles remembering things unless it's a subject in school, I can't study, I read something but it feels like I only read the words and don't actually understand what it is. As a kid I never looked people in the eyes, I looked at their mouth. Now that I am older I learned how to keep eye contact but sometimes I can't decide if I look their left eyes or right but nobody pointed that out for me so I think I hide that good. Oh back to the remembering things, I can always feel if I have an appointment like I know I need to do something but don't know when and what. Shit I might have problems with remembering things. \n\nI'm impulsive, I've thrown my phones to the ground, punched my monitor so hard it broke, punched the walls several times my knuckles fractured. I've never had problems with knowing what people feel, I could always tell their emotions so I really hope I'm not autistic (no offense to autists). I forgot several times the microwave or oven on, only the burning smell made me realize that I forgot the food in them. \n\nLast week in the morning I was preparing for school, I put on my shoes took out an energy drink from the fridge I was ready to go. I forgot my speaker so I went back to my room, put down my energy drink and went out of my room thinking I was ready to go. I realized I forgot my energy drink in my room, quickly went back for it and left. On the way to school I remembered I forgot my speaker. \n\nI always forget my gym bag at home. While brushing my teeth I always decide to take caffeine pills so they would wake me up, well as soon as I'm done with brushing my teeth the thought of taking caffeine pills are gone. There are a lot more I could write but it's already long enough. Thank you if you read it all the way to the end. " ] }, { "feature_id": 15325, "label": "The feature represents the experience of paranoia and suspicious thought patterns.", "pearson_r": 0.5572861417135345, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.013968885742168813, "mean_pos": 2.7740108966827393, "top_texts": [ "Paranoia anyone? So I am going through a bad spell with depression and major anxiety. I am going to Vegas with a friend on Tuesday, it's a once in a lifetime dream trip we've organised - flying to Vegas going to see Cher, grand canyon the works then off to LA where we'll set off on a cruise for 4 days - I mean what could be better? \n\nUnfortunately I am so ate up with anxiety that I feel like topping myself. All week I've been increasingly paranoid that my friend doesn't actually want to go with me, that she'll put me down, think I'm boring etc etc. There is no reason for this, she's a lovely girl who suffers with anxiety herself and has been someone I've spoke to about stuff in the past & we've helped each other. \n\nDoes anyone else suffer with paranoia alongside the depression? I have been taking the mini pill recently and my symptoms have gotten worse, I just read up on the side effects of this particular pill and apparently it has made a lot of women suffer mood swings, paranoia etc. So I'll be coming off that one. I just hate that I should be so excited about this trip and all I want to do is go to bed and hide under the covers. I hate this disease, it is eating me up inside and I just can't cope with it much longer. ", "Yeah, exact same here. 😞 it’s tough. I’m starting to see therapy to help me work through that part of paranoia. I wish that you also figure out a way to get past this because I know how much it sucks and emotionally how much it hurts too, especially when you think you were proven right but it was just because of paranoia that you happened to self sabotage. I wish you the best. I think we can get past this.", "paranoia with weed I was wondering about other’s experiences with weed bringing on paranoia. I stopped smoking weed in about April, maybe smoked once in May, and it seems like no matter what I do it makes me paranoid now. The last time I smoked it was just me and my roommate (we used to smoke every day together and it was super chill). i had decided to give smoking another go just with her and it made me so scared she hated me and all this other stuff so I took a break. Last night I decided to smoke with a group of coworkers bc I thought a fun environment would make it fine since there was no social pressure specifically on me, but I freaked tf out and walked home immediately, left the part like 2 hours early.\n\nJust curious abt other experiences with this and also if CBD oil makes you folks paranoid? I want to try it for relaxing my body but I’m scared even that will affect my anxiety (even tho ik it’s not supposed to have psychoactive effects)." ] }, { "feature_id": 2870, "label": "The feature identifies the perceived impact of caffeine consumption on mental focus, anxiety levels, and emotional regulation.", "pearson_r": 0.691094740465088, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.010754128475477909, "mean_pos": 3.3528263568878174, "top_texts": [ "Ive always loved coffee, but recently I have gotten a few panic attacks around lunch time (i'm assuming when the coffee wears off). I'm not sure how to tell whether the coffee is the issue or not. Anyone have any good alternatives to coffee to solve this issue? I miss it.... Please include details and experience in your suggestions.", "Does coffee help you fall asleep at night? I read somewhere that some people find that coffee actually helps quiet their minds down before bed, and I was wondering if it’s true. I don’t really drink coffee, but if it helps I totally would. ", "Vyvanse comedown, worse with coffee ? I started taking Vyvanse a few months ago. Started at 20. It wore off at about 1PM and I had a big comedown for 1-2h. Got to 30, it was perfect, almost no comedown. As I adjusted to the medicine, I started drinking coffee again.\n\nNow, after 7-8 PM I ll get really tired. On week day, it's not really a problem. But on Friday, where I'll want to spend the night with my GF, it's very frustrating. At 7-8 tonight, we started a movie, I slept through half of it. And now I am not tired anymore.\n\nDoes coffee aggravate your comedown at the end of the day?\n\nI eat healthy. I probably should get more sleep on week day. But my girlfriend and I having different schedule makes it difficult." ] }, { "feature_id": 1918, "label": "The feature represents the theme of clinical intervention, institutionalization, and professional mental health care systems.", "pearson_r": 0.5948590794283046, "pred_f1": 0.7368421052631579, "freq": 0.015499722535831149, "mean_pos": 2.310530185699463, "top_texts": [ "I just can’t go to the gym rn because of health reasons, so it’s just been hard. But yeah, self-confidence is something i definitely need to work on.", "Relapsing. Can't stop obsessing over ex. I'm definitely having my first (real) relapse. I don't count what I guess was technically my first relapse because it was from my ex and I breaking up while I was in an outpatient program. That was more just residual chaos. That was seven months ago and I was doing a lot better up until recently. I like to say I still am, but I know I'm relapsing. I didn't realize how much better I was doing until the anxiety started coming back. And slowly suicidal ideation, mood swings, rumination, unhealthy coping mechanisms, etc. I'm worried. I don't work at a great place right now and I know they would never let me take time off for out patient, not that I could afford it again anyway. But I'm afraid i'm getting closer to having a meltdown at work. Has anyone gotten the hang of dealing with relapsing?", "If you believe you are a danger to yourself then absolutely go to the ER. Being institutionalized is literally not that bad. And it’s good to be safe." ] }, { "feature_id": 11275, "label": "The feature represents executive dysfunction and sensory-related challenges associated with the routine of personal hygiene.", "pearson_r": 0.6740535993391729, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.011787443311199984, "mean_pos": 2.968686103820801, "top_texts": [ "No shower in ages. Sometimes I’ll run a burning hot bath, lie in it for 15 minutes and get out without cleaning myself. It makes me feel so useless...", "This is ridiculous but... any tips for not getting distracted when you took a shower and need to dry off? It's trivial, it's simple and I still haven't found a solution for it. Basically, I can't finish drying myself off after showering. I tend to do face, front of torso and upper legs and leave the rest be so I'm suddenly walking around the house half-wet and unclothed.\n\nI'm distracted by thoughts, not objects in the bathroom so I need something to be pre-distracted by to keep me in the bathroom...", "Lack of Showerthought... Whenever I take a shower I stick to a pretty regular routine as most people do. ~~~~ Shampoo -> Body Wash ~~~~ Well today as I reached for my body wash I couldn't remember whether or not I shampooed. I sat there for a minute trying to figure out what happened because I had no recollection of shampooing or rinsing my hair out. It wasn't until like 4 minutes later until I remembered putting shampoo on my hand and just that. I thought to myself \"Well, works for me\". It wasn't until I got out of the shower that I realized that I forget something like this in the shower nearly everyday." ] }, { "feature_id": 7950, "label": "The feature represents the discussion of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) as a specific clinical intervention or skill-building framework.", "pearson_r": 0.5352112676056338, "pred_f1": 0.46153846153846156, "freq": 0.008917124323083106, "mean_pos": 3.788553237915039, "top_texts": [ "DBT is just about tricking you into believing your shitty life is good enough I don’t need DBT, I need a GIRLFRIEND NOW", "It all depends on your teacher / leader / whatever you wanna call the person who teaches the group. I did DBT as a teenager and now doing it as an adult. I assumed it would be just whiny people complaining about their life but actually found a wonderful support group. Our group is very structured. We do a mindfulness exercise, skill checkin, have a break, then get into our lesson then do observations. People talk about their lives but mainly pertaining to skill usage. You aren’t allowed to say any super triggering things or contact people outside of group. I’ve found it very helpful.", "Dbt resources online? recommendations? Recommendations for Dbt videos and resources to learn different skills? I’m looking into getting a workbook. Unfortunately I cant afford proper mental health care and i am uninsured, but I really am interested and starting to devote time to my mental health care. I’ve started doing yoga twice a day, however my meditation practice has been unsuccessful as i feel i need more training. I would also love to learn specific DBT skills" ] }, { "feature_id": 2214, "label": "The feature represents the use of humor as a coping mechanism or emotional response to distress.", "pearson_r": 0.5734867916302864, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.013490499244149334, "mean_pos": 2.4761641025543213, "top_texts": [ "I mean I do have a dark sense of humour but it's only a coping mechanism for me. We're living in a shitty world and I like to laugh at it bitterly.", "Peronally, I've been told I'm funny and have a dry sense of humor. When it comes to others jokes, I have more trouble thinking people are laughing at me or there are hidden meanings in their jokes than being uninterested all together.", "I agree with you there. Laughing is a joy in life that almost everyone enjoys (I say almost because I'm sure some don't like it). Teasing someone for something so harmless and that they sincerity love, and making them feel self-conscious about it is so screwed up" ] }, { "feature_id": 4401, "label": "The feature identifies the subjective experience of auditory hallucinations or hearing \"voices.\"", "pearson_r": 0.5391500111122137, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.01167263055167531, "mean_pos": 2.8529396057128906, "top_texts": [ "Voices Seems like the best place to ask this question, but if comfortable, could someone describe their “voices”? Are they usually in your head or outside like a conversation between people?", "The voice in my head before Jan 2021, \"I am the greatest voice this country has ever had. Frankly, all the other voices don't have what it takes. All the big voices, all the important voices, they say you are the best voice of them all. Everybody agrees.\"\n\nThe voice in my head after Jan 2021, \"I got hairy legs that turn blond in the sun -\"\n\nIn all seriousness though I've only had God as far as important figures go, and a few that narrate and/or argue with each other depending on the day.\n\nEdit: And a little bit of Satan in there early on. I was raised religious so it doesn't surprise me.", "What are voices? Getting to the doctor asap \n\nIn the mean time, could anyone explain to the best of their ability what the voices are like? Is it talking to yourself in your head? Or does it seem like its a completely different being?" ] }, { "feature_id": 8923, "label": "The feature represents a request for book recommendations.", "pearson_r": 0.5459642140991688, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.012323236188981802, "mean_pos": 2.6246297359466553, "top_texts": [ "Reading suggestions Hey guys. Is anyone else into reading books lately? I like self help stuff, psychology, among other things, but I was curious about what you guys like to read and if you have any good books you'd recommend. I just finished \"A Secret Sadness\" by Valerie Whiffen. I found it pretty interesting and helpful, as she talks a lot about attachment styles and different factors that affect our personalities and how we act in relationships. I always really enjoy seeing a parallel to my feelings and life whether it's fiction or not. What's your favorite book?", "Please share with me your story in short and recommend me some books which have helped you fight mental illness Hi all fellow friends who are suffering from depression!\nI have IBS, suffer from sleep paralysis almost every single night, be a paranoiac. To add to that, I had bone fractures which forced me to go through 2 painful surgeries over the span of 3 years (the first one to add a fixation device to my bone and the second one to remove it). The amount of antibiotics and painkillers I used only makes all the symptoms I have much worse. Sometimes I feel like I am the most unfortunate person in this world. And as a result, the fact that I have all these symptoms in my 20s when all my friends around me are super healthy makes me suffer from depression as well. Things have been hard for me for a few years. I don't want to go out and meet strangers and spend most of my time in my room.\n\nHowever, a new year has come and I am determined to regain control over my life. I don't want to give in to these diseases that easily. I am too young and I have to support my family as well. I have maintained a habit doing exercises everyday for 2 weeks (running and hitting the gym). Now I want to start reading to understand more about all the aspects of mental health. I would be much grateful if you guys can recommend any books you think would be of great help to a person fighting mental illness. Tks for reading and sharing!", "I need some suggestions for books to help guide me out of my depression So I read. A lot. But recently I've felt like I need to listen to something that can help me - maybe instil more gratitude in me or help me understand what I'm going through.\n\nLast year I was a curvy 70kg woman studying speech therapy - I cum lauded my grades and went to the gym, read 140 books, got a tutoring gig that paid well and still saw my friends and family. I had a great relationship with my boyfriend.\n\nThe only good thing this year is my boyfriend is still with me and supporting me. Near the end of last year I became violently ill and experienced terrible period pains that had me in a fetal position. I could not go to class. I had to repeat three of my final exams this year. Well, I couldn't. I took a leave of absence after first semester, finishing off psychology and health are leadership. That was all. I'm now 100kg, ill, have only read 34 books, exercise is limited to 2km of walking my dog due to pain and depression. I've been losing weight with the help of my dietician but slowly as PCOS does to your body.\n\nAre there any fiction or non fiction books you'd recommend to help feeling better? I'd just like to clean, decorate our small apartment, do better at work (I had a chance to go to Comic Con South Africa but my boss said I couldn't go because my energy was terrible, even though I sell the most geek related stuff in the bookstore)\n\nThat really hit me, and I need some help, please. I've listened to Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for Live and it really helped, but I need something fresh. Thank you." ] }, { "feature_id": 200, "label": "The feature represents the struggle with or emotional significance of personal hygiene routines, specifically showering.", "pearson_r": 0.5969218103941356, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.010658451175874013, "mean_pos": 3.003977060317993, "top_texts": [ "How long are your showers? It's so easy for me to get caught up in \"shower thoughts\" and lose track of time. The fastest I've been able to finish a shower on my own without setting an alarm is 12 minutes. I suck :(", "Can't even will myself to shower I used to be able to just be normal and y'know, TAKE A SHOWER. Can't even do that anymore. Like I can't even bring myself to do that. When i do, it's becuase I don't want to look like a mess going to school. I mean,I'm already emotionally a mess, why be a physical mess? The only other reason is becuase I habe a special someone, who I see at school nearly everyday, and I want to look ok for them, so they don't change their mind about how 'amazing' I am. Damn, I don't feel very amazing... \nOver the wekened, I cant even do it. I try to think about it like it's another thing I have to do on my non-existent to do list and put time limits on it, but I end up just huddled in a ball, crying in front of the heater, half naked. I just stop functioning.... Sometimes I can, but most times... I just CAN'T.. any advice? I know everyone here is probably like me and can't even will themselves to comment on this post, but I'd appreciate some advice. \n*Also, I was diagnosd with high-functioning depression. Normally, I'd be able to do this.... *sigh*", "Lack of Showerthought... Whenever I take a shower I stick to a pretty regular routine as most people do. ~~~~ Shampoo -> Body Wash ~~~~ Well today as I reached for my body wash I couldn't remember whether or not I shampooed. I sat there for a minute trying to figure out what happened because I had no recollection of shampooing or rinsing my hair out. It wasn't until like 4 minutes later until I remembered putting shampoo on my hand and just that. I thought to myself \"Well, works for me\". It wasn't until I got out of the shower that I realized that I forget something like this in the shower nearly everyday." ] }, { "feature_id": 14812, "label": "The feature represents the discussion of pharmacological treatment experiences, specifically regarding the medication Wellbutrin.", "pearson_r": 0.6593642157459058, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.008859717943320768, "mean_pos": 3.44986629486084, "top_texts": [ "Vyvanse and wellbutrin Hello. I've been on 50mg vyvanse for about 4 months (i started off at this dose, I'm 6'3 245lbs). It's been working great. I've also been on 20mg lexapro for a few years (i feel like it does nothing but still take it). I have generalized anxiety disorder, and secondary depression (as well as adhd, was diagnosed as a kid, but never took meds for it). Lately my anxiety has been worse so my dr added 150mg wellbutrin XL. I started taking it 5 or 6 days ago. \n\n I don't notice any effects from the wellbutrin yet, but i do notics that vyvanse seems to have zero effect now. I'd say about 4 days into starting wellbutrin, the vyvanse pooped out on me.\n\nI read conflicting info about vyvanse with wellbutrin. Medical literature seems to suggest wellbutrin can make amphs last longer, and increase blood concentrations....this seems to be the opposite of what I'm experiencing.\n\nAnybody have insight on this, or a similar experience? Thanks.", "Memory Issues - Wellbutrin or Depression? Heya, 32M here. I’ve been on Wellbutrin for 2 months now to treat persistent depressive disorder. My memory has always been bad (forgetting names, taking a while to recall what I did a few days ago, etc) but lately it’s seeming worse. 3 weeks ago I lost a job due to forgetting about a schedule change (after already being on the rocks for lots of minor tardiness from before Wellbutrin) so my stress has also increased. Also going through a breakup and recently got a nerve injury in my leg/foot.\n\nSo then yesterday I lost my wallet for the first time in a decade. It had a paycheck in it along with ID, insurance and check cards and I’ve got doc appts this week. Looked for it all day, tearing up my room and retracing my route to the bank. After getting home empty handed I felt intoxicated/frazzled (anxiety?) and couldn’t sleep last night. Also having a really hard time focusing - one example is I brought home groceries the other day and did dishes and started cooking a meal before I remembered to put the groceries away. \n\nI feel like I’m losing my shit and I can’t tell if it’s just breakthrough depression messing with memory/focus or if it’s Wellbutrin. With all the life stress it’s hard to tease the issue out. ", "First day on Wellbutrin, do I really want to get rid of ADHD? Hey guys,\n\nToday I started Wellbutrin (150mg). It took a few hours to kick in, but now I feel kind of stoned.\n\nMy brain is not racing anymore, only one idea comes at a time. So of course it helps to remain focus. But if staying focus means having a narrow thinking, do I really want that?\n\nI feel like a horse with blinders. \n\nIt's like I'm becoming stupid, as if I had smoked something. If I continue, I'm afraid I won't be smart enough to deal with my life.\nOf course, I'll less likely be angry for no reason, I'll be able to stay focused and do things. But what about the global vision ? Being able to see things in big?\n\nWhat do you guys think? Have you already experienced that? \nIs it because that's my first treatment day? Should I continue my medication, and see how it goes during the week?\n\nRight now, I'm wondering if my ADHD is not something I prefer, with thoughts racing everywhere in my mind.\n\nThanks for reading me\n\n" ] }, { "feature_id": 867, "label": "The feature represents the physical sensation of throat discomfort or constriction, often associated with somatic symptoms of anxiety or illness.", "pearson_r": 0.5022445122547204, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.010428825656824662, "mean_pos": 2.8934850692749023, "top_texts": [ "i cant eat cuz my throat is killing me and i cant stop from sweating.", "i cant eat cuz my throat is killing me and i cant stop from sweating.", "my throat hurts!" ] }, { "feature_id": 11230, "label": "The feature represents the experience and management of acute panic attacks.", "pearson_r": 0.8287688806836107, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.01163435963183375, "mean_pos": 2.564359664916992, "top_texts": [ "A panic attack of depression? Is this a thing? I have panic attacks, so I am familiar with that feeling. But sometimes I get basically what I would describe as a depression attack. Like, for no discernible reason I will get *incredibly* sad, to the point of needing to bawl my eyes out, and I'm not the type of person who normally cries. I've struggled with (undiagnosed) depression my entire life, and it's something that literally does not go away. The intensity goes up and down in waves, for varying durations, but these kind of attacks are very intense, and typically last about an hour or so. Then I'll be ok, and then it may come back a couple hours later, just like my panic attacks do. \n\nI try to google it, but not much is popping up with the search words I am plugging in. I'm just curious as to whether this has a name, or if I'm completely in left field. ", "The only thing I can say is that being open about it helps because it takes it out of your head. Leaving it in makes your head a pressure cooker. For me the best way to deal with a panic attack is to say stuff out loud about how I feel and let people around me reassure me. It's hard cause I don't want to burden them with it but they seem to love me and care about me a great deal and then sharing your feelings is normal. In fact they say that they want to help me and are glad when I speak out so they know what they can help me with...go figure", "But now i want that to change. My need for paxil is in direct relations to panic attacks or aggression attacks as i refer to them sometimes. I tend to get agitated easily or snap at people if I feel panicky or if I am embarrassed or put in situations I do not like I get agitated to the point of being a dick and yelling a lot. Which my family ends up being on the wrong side of my temper tantrums, my panick attacks turn into agitation and defensiveness. Ha anyone else switched from paxil successfully or anyone with a similar situation using something different?" ] }, { "feature_id": 15113, "label": "The feature represents the theme of law enforcement involvement and interactions with police or interpersonal conflict.", "pearson_r": 0.6961744476250472, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.010333148357220765, "mean_pos": 2.8798184394836426, "top_texts": [ "a friend of mine is a policeman.", "police got called, guy gets taken away.", "If I remember the other post right, someone said not to call the police under any circumstances. This may have been bad advice.\n\nIf psychosis is putting someone or those near them in actual danger then the police may need to come, especially if they are refusing help from others. The police may traumatize someone but not nearly as much as they'll traumatize themselves if they hurt someone." ] }, { "feature_id": 12242, "label": "The feature represents a state of cognitive paralysis or existential uncertainty characterized by the phrase \"I don't know.\"", "pearson_r": 0.6652245999408508, "pred_f1": 0.7777777777777778, "freq": 0.012208423429457127, "mean_pos": 2.423387289047241, "top_texts": [ "\"i don't know.", "\"i don't know.", "i don't know." ] }, { "feature_id": 3584, "label": "The feature represents the accumulation, organization, or discovery of physical possessions and personal belongings.", "pearson_r": 0.6667668434793055, "pred_f1": 0.8235294117647058, "freq": 0.010868941235002583, "mean_pos": 2.6318960189819336, "top_texts": [ "I have found so much! A Redbox DVD (which I returned for the person), money ($5 on the curb the other day), $15 in winning scratch tickets on 2 occasions. A new bottle of Febreze, an animal carcass (2 different times) and a slew of other things, craziest though? … I guess the craziest was the shoe in the highway of a man who was just hit by a car and laying in the median, dead… that one still makes my stomach sick.", "there were a few storage boxes in the laundry room, including some old stuffed toys and craft supplies.", "there were a few storage boxes in the laundry room, including some old stuffed toys and craft supplies." ] }, { "feature_id": 3946, "label": "The feature represents the experience and management of paranoid thoughts and delusions.", "pearson_r": 0.7433803111835081, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.00973994909967661, "mean_pos": 2.869412422180176, "top_texts": [ "I used to have extreme paranoia but while I was aware of it, I couldn’t lessen the terror or physical symptoms it caused me. There was always that tiny \"what if\" voice. That \"I know I’m paranoid but what if I’m right to be?\"", "I can't shake this feeling that someone is watching me I know I'm feeling paranoid, but I don't know what to do, so I'm asking for advice.\n\nLast night, I heard some voices. One of them said, \"[my name], are you there?\" and my bedroom door was open. I freaked out, slammed the door shut, and locked it. Now I can't stop feeling like someone is watching me. I just have a gut feeling that someone is in here or watching me outside the window, even though I KNOW it isn't true. What do I do to get rid of this feeling?", "Friend having paranoid delusions - I'm the only one he has told. How can I tell him in the right way that he needs help? Hey guys - posted something similar to r/mental health with almost no responses. I think this might be a better place to get some advice. \n\nMy good friend went through an alcohol / drug binge last summer. Mid 20s. He was a mess. During this time he developed paranoia that a cartel was following him, or the government.\n\nNow, 6 months later, he is totally sober, but he just (three days ago) told me that he is being watched still. He has moved to a bunch of different states since last summer. Changes his phone number over and over (because they are listening to it). And is extremely isolated running from his delusions. \n\nI'm the only one he has told. How do I let him know that he needs help? What might I be able to say to him to get him to see a psychiatrist? I don't want him to cut me off, because I'm sort of the last person he trusts I think." ] }, { "feature_id": 12059, "label": "This feature represents the offer of interpersonal emotional support and availability for private conversation.", "pearson_r": 0.5936410014092833, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.01142386957270518, "mean_pos": 2.424645185470581, "top_texts": [ "Please feel free to reply to this or dm me if you are wanting to talk.", "Love to you as well. 😊😊😊If you wanna message me and talk about it more I’m here", "If you need anything else or have further questions for how to support yourself, I'm happy to reply here and my DMs are open if you need to talk about anything you're going through." ] }, { "feature_id": 15163, "label": "The feature represents the professional or interpersonal dynamics of the therapeutic process and clinical dependency.", "pearson_r": 0.5100822191023844, "pred_f1": 0.5714285714285714, "freq": 0.011691766011596088, "mean_pos": 2.3101184368133545, "top_texts": [ "And this is sort of where the work needs to be done. Talking about the therapuetic relationship, talking about the sense of dependence. Have these things been explicitly covered in the therapy?", "> Dr. Ross Rosenberg\nI see he also has a YT channel, does he talk specifically about NPD or just as an accessory for codependant disorders?", "Man kan ikke købe billetter. Det er foredrag jeg som regel holder for læger, sygeplejersker, psykologer, studerende, patienter og pårørende. Det er desværre ikke så ofte at vi når ud til den brede befolkning." ] }, { "feature_id": 10147, "label": "The feature captures discussions regarding systemic institutional abuse, child safety, and the harmful influence of insular social or religious groups.", "pearson_r": 0.5136383927242699, "pred_f1": 0.3333333333333333, "freq": 0.011576953252071413, "mean_pos": 2.2754557132720947, "top_texts": [ "Yup. Parents will be super vigilant about some random stranger but not pay a lick of attention to their child adamantly not wanting to spend time with \"Uncle Bill\" or Grand Pa even when there starts to become physical signs of something going on.", "Purgatory has no issues with literal child porn being shared and if you happen to not report it, you could face legal issues which is another reason why I'd stay the fuck away from this miserable shithole overrun by loser edgelords who have nothing to do in their lives besides being absolutely pathetic and cringeworthy.\n\nThere are rarely any good mental health servers anyway, a lot of them just turn into circle jerks rather than uplifting. The absolute opposite of what someone needs.", "I think that people just assume every problem is the fault of the parents or that’s “just a bad kid.” So the problems go ignored & people can get seriously injured or worse because of this" ] }, { "feature_id": 7790, "label": "The feature identifies the self-attribution or external labeling of behaviors and environments as \"toxic.\"", "pearson_r": 0.6706818369346617, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.01025660651753765, "mean_pos": 2.5553619861602783, "top_texts": [ "Toxic Relationships What is it about toxic relationships that keep people coming back for more? Recently I had a friend (more like ex) ask me for some advice, to which I told him there is no point in asking me for advice because I have none. Basically he wanted to know why he keeps losing interest in his relationships, at least the healthy ones. \n\nWe had a brief encounter thanks to reddit. We talked from December 2018 till May-ish 2019 (on and off) and during this time I cheated emotionally with him on my partner. I would say that our relationship was toxic because 1) it was an affair 2) I had no idea what I was doing, I was lost and confused and searching for validation and this person was willing to provide it to me 3) he wanted more but I couldn't give it to him and I led him on for a while. We got along great and we made each other laugh but looking back, this is right when I was finally discovering my BPD so the person he thought he was falling in love with might not even exist. It was just a strange time for me.\n\nAnyways, getting back to the topic of toxic. He had a similar relationship with another women prior to meeting me. She was married and he fell in love with her. When I broke our relationship off, he found a girlfriend in his home town and I was really excited for him. I wanted him to have a real relationship with someone who could reciprocate all of the same feelings and really be there for him. \n\nWell, I got a text from him on the weekend asking for advice, and despite my better judgment, I answered him and I shouldn't have and now I'm left here wondering the same thing. He said he broke up with his girlfriend right before their 6 months and the relationship was healthy, he just lost interest. He wants to know why. I said he is young and has plenty of time. So what gives? What is it about toxic relationships that are so addicting and so appealing? He said he can't do healthy and I told him that's what he needs. I know deep down it's because he has his own issues that he needs to work out but I don't know if he knows that. Curious what other's opinions are.", "I do the same :// my fp told me I was toxic I went into a bad episode after that", "To be honest, the pessimism is a part of having Avoidant Personality Disorder. So it's kind of hard to avoid the negatives when it's part and parcel of the disorder. It's still a good place to get your thoughts out there, but it would be unfair if you classify negativity as toxic.\n\n\"Having a negative outlook on life; focusing on and accentuating the worst aspects of current and past experiences or circumstances; expecting the worst outcome\" - Prototype description of one of the many criterias in the DSM5" ] }, { "feature_id": 4270, "label": "The feature represents the experience of interpersonal conflict and the physiological or emotional arousal associated with fighting.", "pearson_r": 0.7130976982847852, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.010601044796111675, "mean_pos": 2.391380786895752, "top_texts": [ "Constant Fight or Flight mode \n\nHi guys, \n\ndoes anybody ever feel like they're on the verge of a panic attack? Like you can feel your heart beat really fast and its incredibly hard to sit still. It's like being in a constant Fight or Flight mode, but its not a full blown panic attack. I do get this every so often and unlike a panic attack, this feeling tends to stay for a while. I'm sure some ppl also have longer lasting panic attacks, but luckily for me, this is not the case. But being in \"Fight or Flight mode\" (just calling it that for a lack of a better term) can last hours or even days at the time. \n\nIt'd be great to know that I'm not the only one feeling like this, and if anybody has any ideas on how to get out of this \"Fight or Flight mode\" I'd really appreciate if you could share.\n\nI already tried some breathing exercises, which tends to help when I'm having a panic attack, but unfortunately, while it does provide a short-term release, it does not calm me down enough an as soon as I stop the \"Fight or Flight mode\" is back. ", "I feel the same lmaoo. I love fights because they give me an adrenaline and dopamine rush because everything is so boring. However i differ because i stay cool and but on the inside my heart pounds. I like the feeling of it and i think arguments are funny. I always make jokes out of the situation to provoke and piss people off. I’m the opposite of you in that sense im nervous in conflict but on the outside i stay completely in control.", "we ended up fighting and then never talked or hungout after." ] }, { "feature_id": 3690, "label": "The internal struggle between emotional experience and the cognitive demand for self-regulation or persistence.", "pearson_r": 0.6039947437116369, "pred_f1": 0.8, "freq": 0.0109454830746857, "mean_pos": 2.2843313217163086, "top_texts": [ "Kindness does have some obligation to it. It’s a survival mechanism.", "my heart, along with ambition, confidence and any persistence to carry on.", "my heart, along with ambition, confidence and any persistence to carry on." ] }, { "feature_id": 5281, "label": "The feature represents the concept of physical affection, specifically the act of hugging and the negotiation of physical boundaries.", "pearson_r": 0.7029333507015905, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.009625136340151936, "mean_pos": 2.4657046794891357, "top_texts": [ "Just offering an internet hug to whoever needs one right now <3 If you needed a hug, here's an internet hug from me \\*sends hugs\\* \n\nIf you need a bunch of hugs bc it's that kind of day or week or whatever reason- this site has a ton of hugs: [https://www.nicestplaceinternet.com/](https://www.nicestplaceinternet.com/) \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI'm having a bad depression day, and sometimes hugging helps me feel better, I hope this helps you feel better too.", "\"-its not a you thing, Im just not feelin 'huggy' right now\" \n\"I just don't wanna hug right now. Sometimes people offer stuff and you just don't want one right now.\" ", "They hug you anyway, you break out of the hug immediately and get serious. Repeat the boundary. \n\"Dude, I said no. I don't want a hug right now.\" \nIf they try and brush it off, reinforce. If they ignore or escalate, you escalate your reinforcements. If they are really persistent, *give up, not in.* Don't let them pass your boundary and hug you, but don't keep arguing. Just leave. Go somewhere else. If they can't respect your boundaries and listen when you say no, then that's not someone you should want to be around." ] }, { "feature_id": 15149, "label": "The feature represents the emotional state of relief, often following a period of distress or a significant life event.", "pearson_r": 0.6840389910240955, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.009893032779042844, "mean_pos": 2.372856616973877, "top_texts": [ "i am beyond relieved at this point.", "i am beyond relieved at this point.", "instead, i was relieved... at peace you could even say, as i knew in my heart that this is what my dad really wanted all along." ] }, { "feature_id": 3032, "label": "The feature represents the internal and social evaluation of personal intelligence and cognitive ability.", "pearson_r": 0.5779719116514646, "pred_f1": 0.8181818181818182, "freq": 0.00975908455959739, "mean_pos": 2.389639377593994, "top_texts": [ "Intelligence I am in a adhd group and some people were complaining that you shouldn’t want to be intelligent. And intelligence does not help you in this world. That is totally false. Like the world surrounds smart people. The retards are the ones seen as burdens of the world. All people with learning disabilities are seen as burdens. Maybe the adhd is causing issues, but intelligence doesn’t usually make you socially isolated. If you bave Aspergers of course but intelligence does not cause you to have social issues. You can still have conversations with people on a normal level. As someone who has been considered a retard their whole life. It pisses me off that someone would say I shouldn’t want to be intelligent. ", "NB: this is just my opinion (I don't have actual evidence). I don't think intelligence has much to do with it. It seems more logical to me that even if someone started with a high native intelligence, being isolated in one's own schizoid echo chamber would negate that advantage. Without challenges, or any kind of outside perspective, you just stagnate.\n\nI don't feel pressured to conform. In fact, I think a lot of the people in my life would probably like me, and keep me closer, if I let them. The failure there is mine.", "Haha! My kids are Gemini Aries Libra … they are all very smart but in different ways! The Gemini is creative and amazing at reading. The Aries just like had common sense the Gemini doesn’t have, and the Libra is so in tune with fairness and loves reading. But my Aries husband is by the far the smartest person I’ve ever met. Like our Aries daughter they just have good brains ! They work perfectly for the world we live in. \nI’m a Pisces sun Aquarius moon Venus mars Saturn, I think I’m smart until I’m around them. Their problem solving skills are incredible. Sometimes I’m barely even functioning." ] }, { "feature_id": 11083, "label": "The feature represents the struggle with impulsive behavior and the loss of self-control.", "pearson_r": 0.5276710148682378, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.008419602365142847, "mean_pos": 2.6130177974700928, "top_texts": [ "How do you stop yourself from doing impulsive actions? Since getting off my ADHD meds (doctor recommended), I've noticed my impulsive behaviours have returned.\n\nI feel like I'm losing control of myself.", "How do you stop yourself from doing impulsive actions? Since getting off my ADHD meds (doctor recommended), I've noticed my impulsive behaviours have returned.\n\nI feel like I'm losing control of myself.", "Impulse Control So, I'm normally a very responsible young adult. However, about once a month or every other month I find myself in a terrible situation. I go out on the weekend but I find my impulses taking over. Not turning a drink down or trying to get included so I don't feel left out. I stopped taking my meds bc I didn't like how I felt while on them. This has become a big issue with my significant other. Any ideas or thoughts on what other people have done in the past to help keep your impulses in check, and not letting yourself get carried away?" ] }, { "feature_id": 15072, "label": "The feature identifies discussions regarding the management, diagnosis, and social navigation of specific personality and psychiatric disorders.", "pearson_r": 0.5812123952943906, "pred_f1": 0.782608695652174, "freq": 0.009816490939359728, "mean_pos": 2.2307512760162354, "top_texts": [ "Btw, I am well aware of the risks of individuals with schizo disorders using cannabis. I am very careful with it & do not use it often. My condition is manageable & personally on my bad days weed helps me to function. I just thought I should clarify", "Questions for the community For those suffering from BPD, I am curious as to your opinions of your disorder overall, the most likely causes based on your personal history, the ways in which it has impacted your life as a whole and day-to-day, along with any tools discovered to aid in emotional regulation? Do you have any comorbid conditions? Has your disorder diminished or increased with time? What occurrences, thoughts, and events do you find particularly distressing or have the most affect on your emotions? ", "Try making them go to the doctors, then try assigning the condition. I'm not sure if they change it but I know at one point a sim couldn't be given a disorder if they had an undiagnosed one. Alternatively if you have MCCC you can cheat to add trait and look for the disorder you want to add to them." ] }, { "feature_id": 489, "label": "The feature represents the physiological experience and regulation of breathing.", "pearson_r": 0.5811157367695575, "pred_f1": 0.7058823529411765, "freq": 0.008649227884192196, "mean_pos": 2.5027289390563965, "top_texts": [ "owen was great and pushed on my back with every contraction.", "owen was great and pushed on my back with every contraction.", "Deep breaths (or lack thereof) I’ve never posted here before and I don’t want to trigger anyone so l’ll pass on what exactly brought me to this place. A combination of many traumatic experiences, some of which are ongoing.\n\nMy panic and stress manifests in many ways but by far the most hindering is when I struggle to breathe. I’m on day 7 of laboured and stiff breathing and my chest and shoulder muscles are aching. Constantly trying to force myself to yawn and rocking back and forth to get what feels like a “decent breath”. 1 out of every 75 or so breaths feels satisfying enough. These “attacks” (if that’s what you’d call them) don’t normally last this long.\n\nAnxiety tablets don’t help with this particular manifestation so I’m out of luck there. Years ago I went to a speech therapist to learn breathing techniques but it wasn’t very effective for me. I just have to ride it out.\n\nAnyway. Just having a rough morning and hoping I can start breathing normally sometime soon as the looks I get when I do what sounds like a deep sigh are getting frustrating and my body is exhausted." ] }, { "feature_id": 12022, "label": "The feature represents the somatic experience of embodiment and the conscious relationship between the mind and the physical body.", "pearson_r": 0.5348405573334052, "pred_f1": 0.6666666666666666, "freq": 0.008955395242924664, "mean_pos": 2.3990306854248047, "top_texts": [ "Haha, too true. Fortunately, it's easier to learn to control your body language than it is to control your thoughts! ;-)", "Do you ever feel like your trapped inside your own body? Like you’re stuck in a prison that no matter how hard you want to escape and be free, you can’t? Like you can’t even struggle because the prison is you, and whenever you move, your body *knows*? A prison so advanced, so *organic* that it can predict, and sometimes even decide your every move, and you feel like you-what? No, that “you”, the *real* you, the ones trapped inside a body too small, too trapping and confining? Where you can almost feel *everything*? The undetectable breeze, the feeling of excited atoms, bouncing on your skin? Hell, that’s only the physical problems. The mental ones may even be worse. The mental problems such as every excited atom, each and every slightest touch, slightest *imperfection* sending you into a rage? A burning hatred? Frustration, and then helplessness? Where every sound in the night angers you beyond belief, with the droning hum of the vents annoying you beyond comprehension, but then once it’s gone, it’s all of a sudden to quiet? Imagine that, but every second of your measly, probably-not-going-to-achieve-anything-that actually-matters-in-the-grand-sceme-of-things life. (Nothing personal, but probably true).\n\n\nSo to answer your question, sure, I guess I’m doing fine.", "I like Qigong too. Also dance and poetry often have a spiritual feel to me, felt deep in my body." ] }, { "feature_id": 12017, "label": "The feature represents observations of the night sky or atmospheric conditions.", "pearson_r": 0.5144332369564982, "pred_f1": 0.42857142857142855, "freq": 0.008936259783003884, "mean_pos": 2.4033610820770264, "top_texts": [ "it was a perfectly clear night, and i mean like we could see the milky way.", "unfortunately, this night happened to be very cloudy.", "unfortunately, this night happened to be very cloudy." ] }, { "feature_id": 2725, "label": "The feature identifies descriptions of active physical abuse, sexual assault, or violent interpersonal aggression.", "pearson_r": 0.5379121711384446, "pred_f1": 0.625, "freq": 0.009051072542528559, "mean_pos": 2.3488411903381348, "top_texts": [ "At the end of the night he literally dragged her to the end and caught a cab home by themselves. I didn’t think of anything as he was telling me that she would act up sometimes. But this time it was something different. My gf started crying all the way home, telling me how she told her that my friend “S” beats her. It took me a while to realize what she was telling me.", "i took on his accent ala `` eastern promises '' i said i was looking for a key and then promptly showed him my key chain that was in my hand.", "i took on his accent ala `` eastern promises '' i said i was looking for a key and then promptly showed him my key chain that was in my hand." ] }, { "feature_id": 6924, "label": "The feature represents the discussion of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and the concept of alters.", "pearson_r": 0.5816450672272686, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.008630092424271417, "mean_pos": 2.4264070987701416, "top_texts": [ "I know a bit about DID, but not much about Schema modes (yet), but from what I have learnt about it; the main difference is that the different schema modes are different versions of one person, so there's You and then Child You, as an example. \nWith DID, there's You and then there are any Alters you have, who are essentially different people. Let's say you've got three alters. Instead of You and Child You (and/or any other schema modes), there's You, Charlie, Echo and Sylas. \nDoes that make sense? I can explain it differently if it doesn't.", "An alter is one of personalities in multiple personality disorder (currently known as DID)", "DID, NPD and ASPD for me.\n\nAll of my alters also have the personality disorders, but I am not far enough in recovery yet to switch when needed or shit like that. I just vibe with the disorders as best as I can." ] }, { "feature_id": 4017, "label": "The feature identifies inquiries regarding medical diagnostic procedures, clinical testing protocols, and administrative documentation for healthcare services.", "pearson_r": 0.7034050354655013, "pred_f1": 0.8421052631578947, "freq": 0.008859717943320768, "mean_pos": 2.306591510772705, "top_texts": [ "Re Diagnosed Does Kaiser in C.A. test you for every refill, every month?", "Right now I'm really looking for a diagnosis and I'm super scared of laproscopy. Would MRI be sufficient for diagnosing it?", "Thanks. Edit 1 - Fuel Receipt As Requested. Sorry for the long responses, I went to spend the night at a friends because it got really cold here! The Police said they don't give out a copy of the report but they gave me an incident number that can be used to verify the report was filed." ] }, { "feature_id": 13801, "label": "The feature represents the temporal finality or conclusion of a recurring negative experience.", "pearson_r": 0.7328469557034528, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.008400466905222066, "mean_pos": 2.393378973007202, "top_texts": [ "the last time though.", "the last time though.", "ugh, the last time." ] }, { "feature_id": 11872, "label": "The feature represents the discussion of systemic, professional, or institutional frameworks.", "pearson_r": 0.7371389011897205, "pred_f1": 0.8571428571428571, "freq": 0.00832392506553895, "mean_pos": 2.3155734539031982, "top_texts": [ "Updated: Questions on Dr. Appointments, meds, etc... Well two weeks ago I made this thread: [https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/d2z1ju/questions\\_on\\_dr\\_appointments\\_meds\\_etc/](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/d2z1ju/questions_on_dr_appointments_meds_etc/) \n\n&#x200B;\n\nI know this updated doesn't really matter but I guess its there for those who are curious how it went with the psychologist. \n\nA little about me:\n\n\\- Senior in College Studying Computer Science\n\n\\- Currently 21 years old\n\n&#x200B;\n\nI met with him for the first session which was about an hour and a half and he had me fill out a bunch different types of personality-type surveys about myself and whatnot, then we just talked about why I thought I maybe had ADHD or symptoms of it and what I was having trouble with in my day-to-day stuff and how it all effected me. \n\nAfter my session was over he asked me to find any records I could about some of my special-ed reports I had as a child in my early elementary school years(3, 4, 5th grade stuffs). I had one [IEP report](https://www.parentcenterhub.org/iepcontents/) on record and sent that over. \n\nI had a follow up meeting earlier this week where he asked me to go into more detail on certain things on my personal surveys and he asked me to elaborate on them.\n\nHe then started talking about my IEP report and how it was possibly one of the worst ones hes seen in his professional career and that he didn't think it was done by a licensed psychologist at my school(He brought up that I could probably sue over it), and that the school had completely missed a bunch of things about me that should have been dealt with that were completely ignored. He said the school had completely let me down as a child and did me a huge disservice.\n\nHe then talked about how my grades were just getting by in school as a kid so no one really did anything about it since I wasn't really failing, but never excelled in anything. \n\nHe then got to my actual diagnosis' and said in his professional opinion he thinks I had a mixture of ADD and ADHD, wants me to see a sleep specialist because he's concerned about my sleeping patterns and that I possible have sleep apnea, and that he thinks I probably have some learning disability(s) that have been ignored and/or untouched since I was in elementary school and that in a perfect world I should go get tested for all that now, but it'd be extremely expensive and probably not very useful at this point since I am a senior in college. \n\n&#x200B;\n\nThis is all pretty frustrating to me, but makes a lot of sense in my mind. \n\nNot really sure what else to say, just wanted to share, thanks for reading.", "However, not all psychologists abide by that, and to my knowledge there is no such exclusion criteria present for the PDM-II or the ICD-10, which are commonly used alongside or in lieu of the DSM-V", "Dental Lifeline Network's Donated Dental Services (DDS) program \"provides free, comprehensive dental treatment to our country’s most vulnerable people with disabilities or who are elderly or medically fragile. These are people who cannot afford necessary treatment and cannot get public aid. The program operates through a volunteer network of more than 15,000 dentists and 3,700 dental labs across the United States.\" To qualify for services, applicants must lack adequate income to pay for dental care **and**: • Have a permanent disability, or" ] }, { "feature_id": 8828, "label": "The feature represents the discussion of clinical symptoms associated with schizophrenia, specifically hallucinations and delusions.", "pearson_r": 0.586812731291348, "pred_f1": 0.75, "freq": 0.008247383225855833, "mean_pos": 2.329521656036377, "top_texts": [ "Lots of people have delusions without having hallucinations. From my understanding, a delusion is what happens when any stimuli is overly salient for long enough time, including internal or external, while a hallucination is internal. A delusion in schizophrenia are usually ways to explain why random events seem so important, for lack of a better word. But of course the brain doesn't just say, \"that's important\", instead the way it shows this perceived importance is by altering beliefs at some level.", "Were your symptoms progressive? Sorry if this is a stupid question but I was just wondering if your hallucinations/delusions started off as minor or more spread out and slowly became more and more frequent/severe? Thanks! ", "No worries. I know that wasn't your intention and it doesn't change anything for me luckily. It was just interesting since I have a delusion connected to your hallucination" ] } ]