’ but an innate quality of sentient life. Q: That is focusing on ‘what’ rather than on ‘who’ is searching for the
truth? A: Yes. It will lead to the discovery that there is no ‘who’ that is searching
but some innate quality itself. The real Self brings up the false self for
investigation, which eventually leads to the disassembly of the ego
structure itself. In the beginning, a seeker assumes there is a personal
self that is seeking the real Self. Actually, it is the real Self that is
drawing the seeker to it. Q: The pursuit of Enlightenment appears to be a very major decision
with possible major impact on ordinary lifestyles. A: This may seem to be a source of worry or anxiety when it is first heard. In due time, resolution occurs as a consequence of recontextualization
and a shift in values. What may be perceived as disruptive by the ego at
calibrated levels below 600 is not experienced as such at 600 or over
when relinquishment of worldly life is natural and welcomed as a relief. The Self manages the transition. Most questions about adjustments or
seeming sacrifices do not take into consideration the power of decision
itself, which increases in intensity as the barriers are removed. Devotiondissolves fear, doubt, and hesitation and clarifies uncertainty. Intention
also becomes ever stronger as does trust in God. Then arises the inner
decision to totally abandon oneself to God. The evolutionary pathway is self-reinforcing and self-confirming as it
progresses. The ‘you’ that anticipates the future now is not the same
‘you’ that will have to later adjust to very different conditions. Identification shifts from the content of personal self to the contextual
field of transcendent Self. What is seemingly impossible to the self is
easy and simple to the Self. Q: All doubts and questions arise from the ego’s perceptions and
projected values. A: That is true. Therefore, all anticipations and projections into the
hypothetical future are illusory because the Self that emerges becomes
progressively dominant and is free of worldly attachments or projected
values. It has no ‘needs’ to worry about and is autonomous and
sufficient unto itself. It has no ‘wants’ that need to be sacrificed so none
are necessary. A butterfly no longer needs a cocoon. Q: That is reassuring. A: Divinity is Infinite Love. Within its Presence, even relinquishment of
bodily existence is not a ‘problem’ or even a source of resistance. If it
serves Divine Providence, physicality walks on to fulfill its karmic
destiny and commitment. If, on the other hand, it just falls over and
quits breathing, that is just fine also. As the ego dissolves, so do all its
fears and presumptions. The Inner Reality is immune to considerations
or doubts. The Self is Certainty. Q: Despite dedication to the goal of Enlightenment, the mind seems
reluctant, resistant, or even too lazy to go through the necessary
process. How can that be overcome? A: Resistance is to be expected and accepted as an innate quality of the
ego. Part of its function is stabilization in order to facilitate performance
and reliability. It does not like to feel out of control or off balance and is
thus resistant to being questioned or examined, which is perceived as a
potential threat to its sovereignty. The ego has a vested interest in its positionalities, presumptions, andassumptions. There is therefore an ambivalence regarding change—on
the one hand, it is exciting and interesting, but on the other hand, it can
be viewed as an unwelcome challenge and resented. Thus, it tends to
maintain the status quo, even if doing so continues to be unsatisfactory,
for example, repeating the same resistances over and over, hoping for a
different outcome. Q: Is inertia characteristic of the ordinary ego? A: T a m a s is the guna (energy) of resistance that is overcome by rajas, the
energy of activity and effort. R a j a s is the response to motivation and
dedication to actually reach S a t t w a, the state of peace and tranquility. Tamas is reinforced by the resistances of fear or guilt at the prospect of
self-inquiry. Q: How can the underlying fears of guilt or shame be overcome? A: It is necessary to hold in mind during all inner investigation (as well as
in the perception of others) that the ego/mind is in the process of
evolution and is innately innocent by virtue of its evolutionary structure. It cannot discern appearance from essence. Therefore, compassion for
self and others is a requisite for major transformation and spiritual
growth. Dominance by instinctual motivations is diminished by simple
acceptance rather than guilt or condemnation, that is, ‘of course’ the ego
is selfish, greedy, vain, and resentful. That is to be expected. But now,
such attitudes can be seen as no longer serviceable or productive. Compassion for all of life includes one’s own as well. Old habitual
styles of perception and thinking diminish when no longer valued or
seen as essential to survival or success. Many strong habitual
motivations recede merely as a consequence of recontextualization. Q: How does one overcome the apprehension about ‘bad feelings’
arising consequent to looking within oneself? A: Decide that all ‘bad’ feelings are fallacious and faulty habits of the
mind. Respect for self and others then replaces guilt or fear. The ego is
unaware of the gifts of the spirit that more than compensate for the
surrender or ‘loss’ of ego positions. These gifts are often subtle, such as
an increase in self-esteem and reduction in one’s overall anxiety level.Q: Can you provide a concrete example? A: The ego thinks success is due to drive and ambition plus prideful
competition, cutting corners, taking advantage of others, etc. It is not
aware that people who are earnest, honest, integrous, and dedicated are
highly prized and adequately rewarded by society. These are rewards by
invitation and not just zealous acquisition. Excellence itself is self-
rewarding and brings gratification that is not dependent on externals. The reward that is often overlooked is the increase in inner strength,
courage, and fortitude that results in greater inner security and self-
confidence. Q: But in daily life, temptations abound. Are they not to be refused or
resisted? A: Temptation, seduction, desirability, and allure are all projections having
to do with appearance and presumptions. These are associated with
programmed fantasies of gain. Satisfaction of projected values
constitutes the world of illusion. Happiness itself is directly correlated
with the overall level of consciousness rather than with any external
factors. External factors are vulnerable and have to be fearfully guarded;
in contrast, inner values are self-reinforcing and immune to turmoil or
circumstances. This is a common realization among survivors of major
catastrophes. Q: Spiritual work sometimes appears to involve anticipation of loss. A: Loss is a presumption based on the ego’s perceptions and projected
values. In general, the ego’s loss is illusory and instead constitutes a
gain to the Self. All ego positions represent vulnerability. Their
surrender results in greater inner security and pleasure in life. Eventually, one analogously feels ‘bulletproof’ and independent of
external circumstances. Even the survival of the body itself eventually
becomes irrelevant for its transitoriness is accepted. Q: But is not survival itself due to the ego’s motives and mechanisms? A: That is also an illusion. Survival is a consequence of the Self, not the
self. It is only because of the Self that the ego is of service for a
prescribed period of earthly time. When the ego/mind is silenced, life
goes on autonomously, paradoxically even seeing effort as effortless.All comes about as a consequence of potentiality’s emerging as actuality
when conditions permit. Intention is such a condition. Eventually, even
intention subsides as the will is surrendered to God. O c e a n o f P D F. c o mCHAPTER 14
Enlightenment: The Presence of Self
Introduction
Positionalities result in the problematic dualities of the ego experienced
as presumptions. These result in the ego’s projections, which it erroneously
believes to be reality. Collectively, they constitute the illusions of
Descartes’ res interna (cogitans), which means that they are the products of
emotions and mentations. The purpose of spiritual work is the elimination
of this primary barrier in order to discover res externa/extensa (essence) as
Reality revealed as Creation, that is, the world as it is (essence) and not as it
is perceived or appears to be. The transition from illusion (res cogitans) to
Reality requires not a change of content but of context and, therefore, of
paradigm. The Realization of Reality is the consequence of a shift to
identification with experiential context instead of content and is, therefore, a
major shift of paradigm. The emergence of the Real is a spontaneous Effulgence that is
consequent to removing the limitations of perception and its barriers. The
transcendence of limitation is the result of intention and subordination of
the personal will, with its illusory gains and payoffs, to Divine Will. While the state or condition of what has been called Enlightenment is
celebrated, its exact nature has only been alluded to by


  of  a  mind  whose  fire  has
leapt  its  bounds. Our  innate  ability  to  reflect,  to
choose,  to  construct  so  we  may  celebrate  the  dream  is
being  consumed  in  the  conflagration. Self-reflection
is  the  most  valuable  asset  granted  to  the  human  spe-
cies. The  power  to  transform  and  refine  the  blaze  into
cool  flames,  tejas,  is  our  divination. The  power  of  the
mind  has  been  greatly  misunderstood. It  was  never
meant  to  make  us  exclusive,  superior  beings. We  have
simply  evolved  by  our  own  karmic  actions. We  are  all One  consciousness. But  unless  we  can  remember,  the
cognitive  self  will  not  prevail. Every  human  search  for
discovery  of  self  is  a  good  thing. But  the  process  has
to  become  clear  and  simple. Implementing  a  health-
ful lifestyle  will  not  in  itself  be  fruitful,  as  long  as  we
continue  to  block  memory. The  guidance  of  our  mind  is  of  more  impor-
tance than  its  progress. Joubert,  Pensees
The  mind  is  our  faculty  for  receiving. When  the
mind-body  is  impinged,  we  weaken  knowledge  with
forgetfulness. We  forget  the  art  of  graciousness,  of
being  a  guest  in  each  others'  presence. We  rush  to
embroil  ourselves  in  maya,  as  if  believing  that  self-
inquiry  will  seep  through,  by  osmosis,  into  the  blan-
ket of  fog  and  disregard. Drink  from  the  well  with
grace. Maintain  a  distance,  and  inquiry  will  be  ful-
filled. When  the  universal  fire  is  reflected  as  the  cool
flame  of  the  mind,  humankind  is  at  its  best. The
virtues,  or  dharmas,  of  sharing,  embracing,  giving,
and  participating  are  all  the  brilliance,  the  tejas,  re-
flecting from  a  happy  planet. The  Earth  is  awaiting
our  conscious  evolution. She  has  endured  epidemic
proportions  of  our  anger,  jealousy,  and  hatred. The
time  has  come  to  sustain  our  goodness  and  know  that
our  minds  are  of  one  mind. This  we  know. All  things  are  connected
Like  the  blood  that  unites  us. We  do  not  weave  the  webs  of  life. We  are  merely  a  strand  in  it. Whatever  we  do  to  the  web,  we  do  to  ourselves. We  love  this  earth  as  a  newborn  loves  its  mother's
heartbeat. Hold  in  your  mind  the  memory  of  the  land
As  it  is  when  you  receive  it. Receive  the  land  and  the  air  and  the  rivers
For  your  children's  children  and  love  it  as  we  have loved  it. Chief  Seattle  (1790-1866)
The  Intelligence  Body
Even  knowledge  is  the  intellect's  reflection  of  consciousness. Taittiriya  Upanishad  (11.12)
20
jmt,
COSMIC    ROOTS
Vijnanamaya,  the  fourth  layer  of  the  manifest  self,  is
sustained  by  universal  intelligence. The  intrinsic
knowledge  of  every  life-form  refines  itself  as  the  planet
sheds  and  produces  because  of  the  self-constructing
intelligence  of  the  universe. The  palm  tree  does  not
need  to  perform  any  action  to  remember  that  it  pro-
duces palms,  nor  does  the  horse  doubt  its  young  will
be  in  its  image  instead  of  that  of  a  geranium. Milk
inside  the  mother  is  produced  for  feeding  at  the  pre-
cise moment  that  the  baby  needs  to  be  fed. Intelligence  is  the  natural  order  of  all  life. Genuine
human  response  is  a  resonance  of  intelligence. When
cognitive  memory  is  functioning,  thoughts  are  re-
solved in  inquiry  and  observation. Human  activities  are  mostly  based  on  self-absorp-
tion. We  look  at  ideas  and  vision  as  issuing  singularly
from  individuals. We  believe  that  there  is  an  indepen-
dent "I"  who  does  the  thinking. We  assume,  because
of  our  ignorance  of  our  elemental  nature,  that  the
universe  takes  its  cues  from  us. The  concept  of  the  "I"
is  generated  by  humankind  out  of  great  ignorance. And  when  ignorance  is  reinforced  we  become  densely
arrogant. To  impugn  nature,  believing  it  to  be  a  re-
flection of  the  elite  human,  is  the  most  hopeless  ac-
tion our  species  can  perform. Selfish  action  has  no
link  to  cognitive  memory;  it  is  an  extension  of  a  mental
faculty  that  has  forgotten  its  nature. Vijnanamaya  is  the  all-knowing  presence  of  the
human  entity. The  human  is  the  only  known  species
able  to  resolve  thoughts  within  intelligence. But  to
reaccess  this  natural  process  of  being,  we  need  to
remain  alert  to  the  harmony  of  all  our  bodies. The
food  body  depends  on  the  prana  body,  which  in  turn
lives  on  the  mind  body. The  mind  body  rests  in  its
turn  on  the  intelligence  body. These  four  bodies  re-
solve only  in  the  consciousness  body. The  Consciousness  Body
The  one  who  sees  me  in  all  beings,  and  all  beings  in  me. Lord  Krishna,  Bhagavad  Gita  (Ch. 6)
Anandamaya  is  the  complete  fullness  of  being. It  is
the  harmonic  fullness  of  all  living  things  within  the
universe. It  is  the  sheath  covering  our  boundless,  in- finite nature  consciousness,  since  we  are  not  aware  of
real  nature. Pure  consciousness  has  no  attributes,  no
modification,  and  no  differentiation. It  is  beyond  the
grasp  even  of  intelligence. Because  it  is  spatially  lim-
itless, all  is  dissolved  into  it,  the  source  of  all  sources. The  consciousness  body  is  beyond  the  elements. This
non-state  is  often  referred  to  as  "the  abiding  happi-
ness and  complete  fullness." When  the  four  bodies  are
in  excellent  health,  they  dissolve  within  this  conscious-
ness. Stillness,  like  a  mountain  standing  in  a  cloudless
blue  sky,  is  the  natural  state  of  the  conscious  entity. Purity  and  happiness  exist  at  all  times. We  are  too
busy  fluctuating  between  our  joys  and  regrets  to  cel-
ebrate this  truth,  to  celebrate  nature. Living  within
our  nature  resolves  all  the  obstacles. In  time,  when
full  cognition  is  gained,  all  the  bodies  dissolve  within
consciousness. The  five  bodies  we  have  just  examined  are  the  prin-
c


,  and  dhal  until
dhal  turns  light  brown. Add  coconut  and  saute  fol .1
few  minutes. Add  drained  daikon  and  sweet  potatoes
to  sauteed  spices. Sprinkle  with  turmeric,  salt,  and
asafoetida. Mix,  cover,  and  simmer  for  3  minutes. Serve  with  appropriate  grain  and  toor  dhal. 227
^mv
UNIVERSAL    RECIPES    FOR    EACH    BODY   TYPE
Rutabaga  Stew  with  Dumplings
V,  VP,  VK,  P,  PV,  PK
Serves  2
Dumpling  Batter:
7*  c  cornmeal
'A  c  whole  wheat  flour
'A  c  soy  milk
Pinch  of  salt
Water,  as  needed
Mix  ingredients  together. Add  enough  water  to  make
a  pancake-like  batter. Cover  bowl  with  thin  damp
cotton  cloth;  let  sit  for  30  minutes. Stew:
1  tbs  avocado  oil
1  c  onion  chunks
8  black  olives,  pitted  and  halved
8  okra  pods,  halved  lengthwise
'A  tsp  salt
'A  tsp  cumin  powder
'A  tsp  ginger  powder
'A  tsp  coriander  powder
Dash  of  asafoetida
72  rutabaga,  cut  in  1"  chunks 4  c  water
8  thinly  sliced  collard  leaves
'A  c  water
V  types:  add  a  touch  of  rice  vinegar  to  the  collards,  if
desired. In  a  large  skillet,  heat  oil  and  saute  onion,  black  ol-
ives, okra  pods,  salt,  and  spices  for  3  minutes. Set
aside. In  a  large  pot,  boil  rutabaga  in  4  cups  of  water
for  25  minutes. Add  dumpling  batter,  one  tablespoon-
ful  at  a  time,  to  the  boiling  water;  cover  and  allow  to
simmer  over  medium  heat  for  5  minutes. Add  sauteed
vegetable  mixture  and  continue  to  simmer  over  low
heat  until  okra  pods  are  tender. In  a  separate  pot,  boil  collards  in  a  half  cup  of  water
for  a  few  minutes  until  tender  (do  not  overcook). Pour
collard  water  into  stew. Serve  stew  over  appropriate
grain  and  garnish  with  the  cooked  collards. Shepherd's  Pie (PC)
V,  VP,  P,  PV
KV,  KP  OCCASIONALLY
Serves  8
1  c  wheat  berries
4  large  white  potatoes
4  sweet  potatoes
2  broccoli  stalks  with  florets
2  tsp  sunflower  oil
'A  c  minced  onion
'A  c  grated  carrots
1  whole  red  bell  pepper  (cut  in  thin  lengths)
'A  lb  minced  soft  tofu
'A  tsp  cumin  powder
'A  tsp  coriander  powder
'A  tsp  curry  powder
Pinch  of  turmeric
'A  c  apple  cider
'A  c  soy  milk
2  tbs  unsalted  butter 'A  tsp  salt
K  types:  omit  sweet  potatoes  and  butter. Place  wheat  berries  and  2'A  cups  of  water  in  a  pres-
sure cooker. Cover  without  locking  and  bring  to  a
boil. Lock  cover  and  bring  to  pressure. Cook  over
medium  heat  for  45  minutes. Remove  from  heat  and
allow  pressure  to  fall  naturally. (For  conventional
cooking,  bring  wheat  berries  to  boil  in  47:  cups  of
water. Cover  and  cook  over  medium  heat  for  2  hours.) Scrub  both  kinds  of  potatoes  and  cut  into  large
chunks. Boil  for  20  minutes  until  soft. Drain,  reserv-
ing the  water,  and  remove  skins. Cut  broccoli  florets
and  peeled  stems  into  large  pieces  and  boil  in  potato
water  for  5  minutes. In  a  cast-iron  skillet,  heat  oil  and  saute  onion,
carrots,  bell  pepper,  and  tofu. Add  salt  and  spices;
cover  and  simmer  over  low  heat  for  5  minutes. Pre-
heat oven  to  400  degrees  F.
In  a  large  mixing  bowl,  combine  the  cooked  wheat
berries,  broccoli,  and  sauteed  mixture. Add  cider. Mix
228
jmt. UNIVERSAL    VEGETABLE    DISHES
thoroughly  with  clean  hands. Place  in  eight  individual
baking  bowls. Add  soy  milk,  butter,  and  salt  to  pota-
toes, and  mash  with  a  potato  masher  until  creamy. Top  the  bowls  with  a  layer  of  mashed  potatoes. Place
in  preheated  oven  and  bake  for  20  minutes,  until  the
edges  of  potatoes  are  browned. Ratatouille Spinach  "Souffle" K\4l
^%
3r/feti£v?>'y^jK
ALL  TYPES
Serves  2
6  zucchini
1  tsp  sunflower  oil
lh  c  minced  onion
xli  tsp  cayenne  pepper
Pinch  of  salt
'A  c  water
Slice  zucchini  diagonally  into  74"  pieces. Heat  oil  in
frying  pan  and  add  onion,  cayenne,  and  salt. Stir  for
a  few  minutes  over  high  heat  and  then  add  zucchini. Add  water;  cover  and  simmer  over  low  heat  for  10
minutes. Serve  with  appropriate  grain. ALL  TYPES
Serves  2
1  lb  spinach
2  tbs  chopped  fresh  parsley
3  tsp  olive  oil 'A  c  water
1  tsp  fine  black  pepper
l/z  tsp  black  mustard  seeds
xh  tsp  red  chili  powder
Pinch  of  salt
3  tbs  pine  nuts
P,  PV,  and  PK  types:  omit  red  chili  powder  and  parsley. K,  KV,  and  KP  types:  substitute  I  teaspoon  sunflower
oil  for  olive  oil. Wash  and  chop  spinach. In  a  large  saucepan,  cook
spinach  and  parsley  in  1  teaspoon  oil  and  water  for  5
minutes,  covered. Drain. Puree  with  a  hand  grinder. Preheat  a  cast-iron  skillet  and  saute  spices,  salt,
and  nuts  in  remaining  oil  for  a  few  minutes. Add
pureed  greens  to  mixture. Serve  warm. Zucchini  Vegetable  and  Mower
119
jmt. UNIVERSAL    RF.CIPES    FOR    EACH    BODY   TYPE
Fennel-Roasted  Eggplant
P,  PV,  PK,  K,  KV,  KP
Serves  2
2  eggplants
'A  c  coconut  milk
7:  tsp  roasted  fennel  seeds
7:  tsp  roasted  coriander  seeds
1  tsp  chopped  parsley
1  tsp  olive  oil
Pinch  of  salt
Place  grate  or  metal  bread  rack  over  a  low  flame  or  an
open  fire. Roast  eggplants  with  skins  on. Turn  fre-
quently to  cook  evenly. The  roasting  process  usually
takes  about  15  minutes. Remove  eggplant  from  heat
and  separate  pulp  from  the  charred  skins  and  stems


y itself. You find you’re not worshiping God; you find
that people worship the religion rather than the truth of the religion. In the
name of the religion, you have the inquisition. Religionism then eventually
becomes its own opposite. We know if you add -ism to the end of any area of knowledge, that it
automatically drops to 190. Now it becomes positionalized with narcissistic
gain. So, you have to impose  environmentalism. You have  to impose
liberalism. You have to impose conservativism. The minute it’s an ism—
militarism or antimilitarism—it becomes a crusade, and everybody wants to
get on the bandwagon and get on TV and hold up a placard. The vanity of
the narcissistic ego is unlimited. • • •Through educati on, you get what the limitations of the ego are, and that
gives you a certain degree of humility to begin with. You realize  that you’re
lucky to have any idea what reality is in the first place, because the ego is so
intent on displacing reality with its own perceptions and projecting them
onto the world that it’s almost impossible to see the reality of the world,
because so much is projection. The media, first of all, by what  they select
have already prejudiced you. They say, “Oh, this is important; that’s why
it’s on the evening news.” Things that are profoundly more important are
never  on the evening news. Only the trivial is on the evening news. The
profoundly important would not be of interest to people. How did the great shakers and makers of this world arrive at their
conclusions and execute them? That would be worth looking at instead of
the latest titillations and silly amusements we see. How do the great people
think, and why do they arrive at the conclusions they arrive at, and how can
that be contextualized so that we can understand it? How to understand the
world that we see would be far more interesting, but many people are not
that interested in looking past appearance. I’m always interested in what the
essence of a thing is. I know what the appearance is. I can flick on the news
and see it for myself. But what is the essence of that? Is it naivete? Very
often, it is. Spiritual humility is an attitude I have myself. My mind, in and of itself,
is not really capable of discerning the ultimate truth. That’ s why the great
avatars came to reveal to us that which is unknowable. And to be grateful
all the time is an attitude of humility. To be grateful that you’re interested in
spirituality, you say, “I’m grateful I’m even interested in the subject. I’m
grateful that I’ve come across good teachers along the way. I’m grateful for
the life experiences that have come about, that have revealed truths to me.”
So you must understand that humility is a positionality. It’s where you
stand back and you’re sort of saying, “I have myself been unable to fully
comprehend it.” And you’re constantly asking for revelation. So your
position with God is like a mudra. Your position with God is like yin. It’s
when you stand back and you say, “To thee, oh Lord, I surrende r, and I ask
for your will in the matter.” And then you surrender to what appears to be
most aligned with divinity. • • •All nega tive feelings are linked with each other. You want something
because you feel unfulfilled. So if something gets in the way, now you get
angry. Now you get frustrated, and you realize that if you get it, now you’re
going to be prideful. But if you’re prideful in your ownership, now you
have to fear that somebody will take it away from you or that you won’ t get
it. And then you get puffed up if you do have it. So one thing leads to
another. Your anger is that somebody is interfering. Negative feelings are all
based on the same delusion. And the delusion is that the source of
happiness is something outside of yourself. When I get that title, when I get that car, when I get that job, when I get
that income, when I get that—there’ s always a get—when I get that
relationship, when I get that recognition, when I get on the TV program,
when I get on the nightly news, I’ll be somebody. It’s always a gettingness. If anyth ing stands in your way to getting this, now you hate it and you’re
angry at it, and you want to destroy it. When you see that one thing leads to
another, then if you don’t achie ve it, you feel guilt and self-blame and you
feel worthless. Now you feel depressed. All the negative feelings are based on the assumption that what you need
is outsid e of yourself. You see yourself as incomplete. And once I’m
famous, once I’m educated, once I’m older, once I’m richer, once I’m... then I’ll be happ y. No matter what you say, it always puts fulfillment off in
the future. So you’re always coming from incomplete to incomplete,
because you’r e incomp lete. But then when you get what you want, there’ s
always one better. I knew many super rich people back East. And they
always had the saying: No matter how big your yacht is, a bigger one will
dock next to you. It’s an endless race, and it was very comical to see it. And of course,
people who are really quite wealthy and have been for some time, live very
simple lives save for public events and parties. I knew lots of multimillionaires, and very often they would inherit a big
estate—40 acres with a huge castle of a house and all these buildings—and
when I went to visit them, they actually lived in one of the servant’ s houses. There’ s a little house out there, and that’s where they lived. The richest
people in America! I used to live next door to one, and he had a third story
on his house. And I said, “Wha t’s up there?” He said, “I don’t know, I’ve
never been up there.” They would usually stay put in two or three rooms in
this giant house, the family estate, and there’d be a kitchen, a sitting room,and a bedroom. And that’s where they lived 99 percent of the time, except
when their great-niece was there and having a birthday party. And then they
would have a party on the lawn, but they lived all the time in just a little
corner of the house. What are you going to do on the third floor with 5,000 feet of
magnificent furniture and you? You and 5,000 feet of antiqu e, beautiful
furniture with a wonderful view... once you have looked out the window
and seen the beautiful view, now what are you going to do? You go back
downstairs to the kitchen and watch the TV, put your feet up, and put some
wood in the stove, the same as the servants do. It’ s comical. PARANORMAL REALMS AND DIMENSIONS
Straight and narrow is the path. You can spend quite a few lifetimes
wandering through the fantasy world of psychics and channelers and people
like this, the world of tarot cards and tea leaf readings. They are usually a
dead end. Some entity on the other side tells you about a whole other
dimension. Next thing you know, you’re all involved in that dimension. A
lot of them have gods with a weird name and various hierarchies. And a lot
of times, for additional money, they will move you up to a different, higher
level of anarchy. For another $5,000, they’ll introduce you to master so-
and-so on a dif ferent level, who will now give you some magical powers. The whole thing is seductive. What’ s being seduced is the innocent
curiosity of the child. For $5,000, they’ll raise your level of consciousness a
hundred points an hour. For $50,000, they guarantee you’ll be enlightened
in six weeks. I suppose people like to send them money because they’re still
there. When you first realize that there’ s something other than just logic in
the phenomenal world, the child in you goes, “Oh, wow.”
I’m not saying the paranormal doesn’ t exist, but scripture says not to go
there. Why? Because you’re dealing in other realms, and you have no
education or sophistication or awareness of the rules and the laws of those
realms. The angels fear to tread there. Why wouldn’ t you? It’s morbid curiosity. You want to check out hell? You’re not going to check out hell without
getting burned. I advise people, don’t go there. Don’ t be tempted by the
drama of it. If you got to climb the highest mountain, make note of the fact
that 176 people have died there already doing it. You can do the same thing.You can go out of body and visit other dimensions. You are not equipped to
go there. You don’t know anything about who’ s who there, and you’re an
innocent victim the minute you arrive. Tarot cards, O


 my downfall. Chapter 2 -- Downfall
   It took some time for me to make up my mind to see my next doctor, Dr. Kale,
because after all, when you get burnt once and then a second time, you become a little
leery about the possibility of a third time. However, an appointment was made to see
him. That was like going from the frying pan into the fire for the next two years, until
the middle of 1964. So I began all over again with the blood tests and stool samples which gave similar
results as the previous tests except these results showed a general worsening. I was
feeling very sick the day of the initial examination. There was a fever and colon infection present, which was probably why I was so weak. Being malnourished from
inability to properly digest and absorb nutrients from the food was also a contributing factor. Dr. Kale gave me a rather long and extensive sigmoidoscope examination. It was
quite uncomfortable, to say the least, because I was nervous, tense, and the
hemorrhoids formed a slight interference to the entry of that cold steel tube. What does one think about while this tube is pushed deep into the rectum and colon
and moved around at different angles for best viewing? I didn't know what others
thought, but I'm sure it was similar to mine. I didn't think of pleasant things and I
didn't think of unpleasant things. In fact, I had but one thought: "When is he going to
take that damn thing out?" Dr. Kale was quite concerned upon completion of this examination. No, he was
more than concerned. He was alarmed. Alarmed that anyone could have allowed me
to reach this present stage without having the common sense to have placed me in a hospital. He informed me that not only was I running a high fever but that a massive
infection was present in the entire ulcerated large intestine and was spreading. He
said, "I want you to go right home and pack a suitcase and get over to the hospital
immediately. I'll phone the hospital and inform them to admit you as a medical
emergency." The hospital had no openings for admissions, but the medical emergency
had priority. It was one of the few times in my sick life I had "status." Upon admission I was put to bed and antibiotics were administered for the infection,
and aspirin for the fever. The body is trying to eliminate something through a fever. It
is part of a remedial process and should not  be suppressed by aspirin. Many times,
suppression of a fever will result in some unhealthy manifestation elsewhere in the
body. Also, the ingestion of aspirin has been proven to cause pinpoint bleeding and
even ulcers of the lining of the digestive tract. So why was it given to me? Was that logical? I must attribute my increased bleeding; during the first few days in the
hospital, to the always dangerous aspirin. I consider myself most fortunate the ulcers in my colon did not perforate into the abdominal cavity and cause my demise. My food was called a low-residue, high-protein diet, which is supposed to build the
body and yet not leave too much bulk after digestion to irritate the colon. Most of the food was cooked and pureed, leaving it nutritionally wanting, but this is all I could
handle. Put a healthy person on a diet of only cooked foods and eventually his health
will deteriorate into disease. I was advised to have double orders at each meal, if it was desired. That meant
double steaks, eggs, hamburgers, chops, chicken, and bacon. Also included in this
menu were milk, white bread, coffee, cereals, sa lt, white sugar, etc. For one thing, as
mentioned previously, a sick body does not have the ability for normal digestion and
becomes weaker from expending energy in trying. Meat is not good for the body, but
is much worse for a diseased intestine. Bacon and eggs are too difficult to digest. Milk generates mucus and creates allergic mani festations. White bread, cereals, and white
sugar are highly chemicalized foodless foods and are responsible for many diseases. Salt (table salt, as it is known) is a powerful irritant and has no place in the human
body. You know what happens when salt is put on a cut; well can you imagine what it
does to a person who has ulcerative colitis. Coffee is a diuretic and stimulant which also has no place in the human body, much less a sick one, and coffee elevates the
fatty acid level of the blood while it can also trigger a low blood sugar
(hypoglycemic) reaction. I'll try to cover the important aspect of diet in another
chapter. A varied regimen of drugs was instituted during the first week in the hospital. Treatment was always a hit and miss affair, going from one drug or modality to the
next and always seeking, always hoping, but never finding. I was going to spend five
long weeks in the hospital. Five weeks away from my family and from my practice, which was already
suffering. Five weeks filled with hope--but it was false hope. Megavitamin therapy began along with a battery of potentially dangerous drugs. There was Sulfasuxidine for infection, Crystalline B-12 injections to combat the
anemia, Codeine for pain, Librium for tranquilization, Plaquenil (an anti-
inflammatory and antiparasitic agent), Sorboquel to inhibit motility in the intestinal tract, and Maalox for the ever-present indigestion and upset stomach due to ingestion
of all these drugs and inability to handle the volume of food. There were ups and downs the first two weeks, but nothing to indicate any general
improvement was forthcoming. Diarrhea was increasing to between 12 and 20 times
per day, much of it being just intestinal spasm and bleeding. This, coupled with the
poisonous effects of the drugs (nausea, indigestion, blurred and double vision,
dizziness, headache, dryness of mouth, and rapid heartbeat), sent me into deep depression, fear, anxiety, and other psyc hological hang-ups. I was becoming old at 32
years of age and had not enjoyed life for the last four years, at a time when I should
have been planning for the future. Instead, the outlook was bleak. I could only foresee
a futile struggle to exist--my wife having to work to support us, my physical and now
psychological debility worsening until I became a complete invalid (if I lived that
long), and a deteriorating family life. It was at this point in my hospitalization that Dr. Kale began the use of steroids--the
cortisone family of drugs. I had already taken small doses for a short time, as
mentioned earlier. Thus began probably the most dangerous phase of my treatment with these hormones, the reasons becoming ev ident, as you will soon learn. Massive
doses were given to me by injection and with in a few days I began to feel better. The
intestinal spasms and diarrhea became less frequent. The migrating joint pains, which
can be common in advanced ulcerative colitis, subsided. I began to feel "on top of the
world," but these were false feelings of euphoria brought about by the action of the
hormones. My appetite was stimulated abnormally and I was able to eat unlimited
amounts of food, which was harmful to an already weakened digestive system. I began to put on some weight, but it was a dangerous and unhealthy weight, as will be
seen. The severe inflammation throughout the intestinal tract subsided, or so it
seemed. But what occurred was a blocking of the body's mechanism to relay the
normal inflammatory response, thereby giving the impression of improvement when
in reality the inflammatory process was still going on, although I was not aware of it. In other words, while I was feeling marvelous and beginning to "live" again, I was
actually dying inside. A very deceptive mask ing of symptoms was taking place. It was
this symptom treatment, or masking of symptoms, that formed the basis for all my
medical treatment. After about a week of these injections, they were discontinued and replaced with
tablets called prednisolone (similar to the hormone prednisone I took with Dr.
Leopold three years before), which I took in very large doses. I was still taking the other previously mentioned drugs with the addition now of Ananase, which is used as
an anti-inflammatory and also reduces swellings. One of the dangers of taking steroids (prednisolone, etc.) is the delay of wound
healing or the opening up of old sores. So you can see the problem I was up against. I
was damn lucky the ulcerated colon didn't break down and allow me to hemorrhage to
death. With this potential danger, I could not understand the rationale for using this
drug. The final two weeks in the hospital were spent trying to rest, adjusting drug
dosages, taking blood tests and lower GI (bar ium enema) tests, and of course being on
the receiving end of the always-cold steel tube (the sigmoidoscope ). It was sometimes difficult to break the monotony of the five weeks in the hospital,
but I read and made friends with many patients on my floor, played chess with some,
and even took daily wheelchair rides up and down the hall while pushed by one of my
new-found friends. To make the ride even more interesting, I took along my remote
control switch from my hospital television set and as


 was very late, and he was ready for
sleep. “I meant weep for yourself. Whatever I am today, you will be
tomorrow. ”
He lay down and turned his back on Gautama, who sat vigil for hours. He wanted to be awake in case one last plea would dissuade Ganaka when
he woke up. But time stands still in the dark. The next thing Gautama knew
he woke up with light in his eyes and his head lolling on his chest. He
looked toward the cot with faint hope. It was empty. OceanofPDF. com15
One morning Ananda didn’ t find Gautama in his tent. Several days had
passed since the disappearance of Ganaka. None of the bikkhus were told
anything about him, and only Ananda learned the grim truth. In the vastness
of the jungle there was no possibility of searching for him, wherever he had
gone to die. Gautama was badly shaken. “How can we believe in supernatural powers, Ananda. No power in
heaven protected him, or even cared,” said Gautama. “Ganaka had fallen
into despair, and I couldn’ t save him. ”
“Why should it depend on you. ” Ananda asked. “Do you know who Buddha is.<|eot_id|><|begin_of_text|>
Q: What was the reason for Udaka's harsh words to Gautama?,
A: Udaka was upset because he felt that Gautama was not taking his teachings seriously and was still struggling with his own desires and attachments.
Q: Who did Gautama meet in the cave, and what did he learn from him?,
A: Gautama met Krishna, who told him that he was not worthy of worship and that he should go home. Gautama realized that he had been seeking God in the wrong way and that he needed to focus on himself and his own soul.
Q: What did Gautama do to test his own desires and attachments?,
A: Gautama went through a period of extreme asceticism, starving himself and enduring physical pain to test his own desires and attachments. He eventually realized that he had to let go of his attachments and desires to achieve enlightenment.
Q: Who did Gautama meet next, and what did he learn from him?,
A: Gautama met Mara, the demon king, who tested him and presented him with various illusions, including the image of his wife and the temptation of his desires. Gautama remained detached and unmoved, and Mara and his minions disappeared.
Q: What did Gautama realize at the end of his journey?,
A: Gautama realized that he had to let go of his attachments and desires to achieve enlightenment. He also realized that he had become a "non-person" and that he was free from suffering.<|eot_id|><|begin_of_text|>Buddha smiled at the husband, and
when he had nothing more to say, the farmer thanked him and left. Power over time and fate. Buddha mused on this as he walked. Does a
Buddha reverse every harm? Even if he had that power, did he have the
right to change karma on a whim? In a short while he saw the first huts of a small village. As he
approached, people came out wearing suspicious and fearful looks. Some
carried pitchforks and rusty swords. They glared as Buddha passed, and in
each mind he heard the same word: Angulimala. He soon realized that this
was the name of someone they all feared. A killer. A madman. A monster. Buddha continued to the local temple, whose tiled roof was the highest
point in the village. In the shadowy cool of the inner sanctum he saw an old
priest cleaning the altar of faded flowers and burnt incense ashes. He
approached. “Namaste.”
The priest barely acknowledged him. Remote as this temple was, he
maintained the air of a Brahmin. Instead of praying beside him, Buddha sat
cross-legged before the altar and waited. The old priest threw a few fresh
flowers onto the Shiva statue and turned to leave. “Angulimala,” Buddha said. The priest got angry. “Don’ t say such a thing. This is a holy place.”Buddha said, “I think you forbid the name of Angulimala because you
fear he might hear and invade your kingdom.” The old priest squinted his
eyes, wondering if he was being mocked. “I can help,” Buddha added. This of fer was greeted with a harsh laugh. “How? Are you a warrior
monk? It wouldn’ t matter. Angulimala has killed his share of warriors. He
has powers. He exchanged his soul for them.”
“What powers?”
“He can outrun a horse. He can hide without being seen and spring
down on travelers from the tops of trees. Enough?”
“Perhaps, if any are true. I doubt that these powers have been observed
if he kills everyone he meets and the few survivors are terrified,” said
Buddha. The priest, who was bald and slightly hunched, relented slightly. “You’re right about that, stranger. Come with me. I can feed you, and with a
little food in your stomach you might stop deluding yourself that you can
help.” The old priest managed a tight smile; something deep inside had
been touched by the stranger ’s offer. They retired to the temple kitchen, and
when the stranger ’s bowl was filled with rice and lentils, the two sat outside
in the shade to eat. “As you know, anguli  means fingers,” said the priest. “T o terrify
everyone the more, this killer collects the fingers of his victims and wears
them as a necklace around his throat. V ery few know his real story, but I am
one. The monster began life as the mild son of a Brahmin family with no
money. At fourteen he was sent to school in a nearby village, with the hope
that once he was educated he could perform rites at the temple and restore
his family’ s fortunes. “But the Brahmin who ran the school was of unbalanced mind. He
accused the boy of sleeping with his wife and threw him out in disgrace.”
Buddha didn’ t detect much pity for suf fering in the old priest’ s heart, but he
genuinely felt sorry for the wronged boy.“The scandal reached home before the boy did. When he crossed the
threshold, his father beat him brutally and threw him out to fend for
himself. The family’ s hopes for restoring their fortunes were dashed. It
didn’ t matter that their son was innocent.”
As the priest recounted the tale, Buddha could see every event in his
mind. What lay ahead looked much darker. “There was nothing for him to
live for but death,” Buddha murmured. “He was born cursed, and there’ s no hope for him,” the old priest said
severely. “Did anyone try to give him hope?” asked Buddha. The priest scowled,
but their meal was over. In gratitude, Buddha bowed his head. He didn’ t
prostrate himself at the Brahmin’ s feet. This caused the old priest to keep a
moody silence as he escorted his visitor to the gate. “You’re a fool to go after him. I can see that’ s what you have in mind,”
the Brahmin said. “But if you must, here’ s a charm to protect you.” He held
out some dried herbs bundled with a prayer scribbled on a leaf. Buddha
accepted it. “Tell me one thing,” said Buddha. “Why does Angulimala kill so many
people?”
“To save himself,” the old priest replied. “The disgraced boy took to the
woods. He began to live like an animal. He ate roots and insects and
covered his body with hides. They say by chance he met a wandering
fortune-teller, who told him the curse could be lifted only by collecting a
thousand fingers and of fering them as sacrifice to Shiva. That’ s why he
wears his terrible necklace.”
“Then I must help him,” said Buddha. “Otherwise Angulimala will
show up here one day to sacrifice his necklace on your altar.”
The old priest shuddered visibly and then slammed the gate shut behind
him. THOUGHTS OF  ANGULIMALA  stayed in Buddha’ s mind that day and the next
morning. Why was he drawn to the monster? He walked deeper into the jungle to face the question. It was a blazing
afternoon when Buddha found himself on a hidden trail through the jungle. There was a rustle, then before he could turn his head, a wild beast jumped
down from the trees and crouched before him. The covering of matted hides
made Angulimala look like a giant ferocious ape baring its fangs. Buddha regarded the wild man’ s teeth, which had been crudely filed to
a point, and his necklace of withered fingers. In his left hand he carried a
long curved blade. “Namaste,” said Buddha. Angulimala growled. “I cannot save you unless you tell me how you are suf fering,” said
Buddha. “An animal doesn’ t need saving.”
The wild man showed no reaction. He could reach his prey in one leap,
so he raised his knife and with a howl sprang toward Buddha. When he
came to earth, however, his knife slashed at empty air. Buddha was
standing, as before, two paces away. Angulimala looked bewildered. “You


 t h e  p a s t,  l i f t i n g  u s  t o
u n i m a g i n a b l e  h e i g h t s. E v e r y  s i t u a t i o n  c o m e s  b e a r i n g  a  g i f t :
a  c h a n c e  t o  b e c o m e  w h o  w e  r e a l l y  w a n t  t o  b e  a n d  t o  l i v e  t h e
l i v e s  w e  r e a l l y  w a n t  t o  l i v e. W e  w i l l  i n h a b i t  t h e  w o r l d  w e  c h o o s e  t o  s e e,  a n d  t h a t  i s
w h y  i t  i s  s o  i m p o r t a n t  t h a t  w e  n e v e r  l o s e  s i g h t  o f  l o v e. A s
w e  r e a d  a b o u t  w a r,  l e t ’ s  n o t  f o r g e t  t h e  b e a u t y  o f  a  s u n s e t. W h e n  w e  t h i n k  a b o u t  t h e  s t a t e  o f  t h e  w o r l d,  l e t ’ s  n o t  f o r g e t
h o w  m a n y  p e o p l e  f e l l  i n  l o v e  t o d a y. G o d  n e v e r  l o s e s  H i s
e n t h u s i a s m  f o r  l i f e,  a n d  n e i t h e r  s h o u l d  w e. B e n e a t h  t h e
s u r f a c e  o f  w o r l d l y  h a p p e n i n g s,  p e o p l e  c o n t i n u e  t o  s m i l e  a t
e a c h  o t h e r  a n d  m e a n  i t,  h a v e  b a b i e s,  h e a l,  c r e a t e  a r t,  f o r g i v e
e a c h  o t h e r,  b e c o m e  m o r e  e n l i g h t e n e d,  l a u g h,  g r o w  w i s e,
a n d  l o v e  i n  s p i t e  o f  i t  a l l. I n  a  w o r l d  t h a t  s e e m s  s p l i t  i n  t w o
b e t w e e n  f e a r  a n d  l o v e,  o u r  g r e a t e s t  p o w e r  l i e s  i n  s h a r p e n i n g
o u r  o w n  f o c u s. S o m e  t h i n g s  i n  t h e  w o r l d  t o d a y  a r e  v e r y,
v e r y  d a r k ;  w h a t  t h e  w o r l d  n e e d s  n o w  i s  m o r e  p e o p l e  w h o
a r e  w o r k i n g  f o r  t h e  l i g h t. S e e i n g  t h e  l i g h t  a n d  t h e n  l i v i n g  i n  t h e  l i g h t,  w e  w i l l
u l t i m a t e l y  b e c o m e  m a s t e r s  a t  t h e  p o w e r  i t  b e s t o w s. C h o o s i n g  a  N e w  W a y
I n  t h e  w o r d s  o f  J o h n  L e n n o n,  “ Y o u  m a y  s a y  I ’ m  a  d r e a m e r,
b u t  I ’ m  n o t  t h e  o n l y  o n e.<|eot_id|><|begin_of_text|>Summarize the following text section accurately and concisely. Maintain specific details and numerical information, and use anti-repetition mechanisms:

        T h e  G i f t  o f
C H A N G E

Spiritual Guidance for a Radically New Life

MARIANNE WILLIAMSON

For my mother

 C o n t e n t s

  E P I G R A P H
    I N T R O D U C T I O N
The Challenge to Grow
    C H A P T E R  O N E
Crossing the Bridge
    C H A P T E R  T W O
From For getting Who W e Ar e
to Remembering Who W e Ar e

C H A P T E R  T H R E E
From Negative Thinking
to Positive Love

C H A P T E R  F O U R
From Anxiety
to Atonement

C H A P T E R  F I V E
From Asking God to Change the W orld
to Praying That He Change Us
    C H A P T E R  S I X
From Living in the Past and Futur e
to Living in the Pr esent

C H A P T E R  S E V E N
From Focus on Guilt
to Focus on Innocence

C H A P T E R  E I G H T
From Separation
to Relationship

C H A P T E R  N I N E
From Spiritual Death
to Rebirth

C H A P T E R  T E N
From Y our Plan
to God’ s Plan

C H A P T E R  E L E V E N
From Who W e W er e
to Who W e Ar e Becoming
    G O I N G  F R O M  H E R E

 Acknowledgments
  About the Author
  Cr edits
  Cover
  Copyright
  About the Publisher

Behold, I tell you a mystery: W e shall not all sleep, but we shall all be
changed—in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For
the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we
shall be changed. —I Corinthians 15:51-52, N K J V

 INTRODUCTION
T h e  C h a l l e n g e  t o  G r o w
T h e  t i m e s  i n  w h i c h  w e  l i v e  a r e  d i f f i c u l t,  m o r e
d i f f i c u l t  t h a n  a  l o t  o f  p e o p l e  s e e m  w i l l i n g  t o  a d m i t. T h e r e  i s
a n  a b i d i n g  s e n s e  o f  c o l l e c t i v e  a n x i e t y,  u n d e r s t a n d a b l e  b u t
n o t  a l w a y s  e a s y  t o  t a l k  a b o u t. W h e n  t h i n g s  a r e n ’ t  g o i n g  w e l l  f o r  y o u  i n  y o u r  p e r s o n a l
l i f e,  p e r h a p s  y o u  c a l l  a  f r i e n d  o r  f a m i l y  m e m b e r  o r  g o  t o  a
t h e r a p i s t  o r  s u


 r o n t  o f  t h e  o t h e r  a n d  b u i l d  a  n e w  l i f e. H e r
s t r u g g l e s — t h e  f a c t  t h a t  t h e  o n l y  k i n d s  o f  j o b s  s h e  c o u l d
f i n d  i n i t i a l l y  w e r e  t h e  l o w e s t  p a y i n g  o n e s  a t  w h i c h  s h e  w a s
t r e a t e d  p o o r l y,  t h e  i n i t i a l  r e j e c t i o n  b y  p r o s p e c t i v e  e m p l o y e r s
w h e n  t h e y  s a w  o n  h e r  a p p l i c a t i o n  t h a t  s h e  w a s  a  c o n v i c t e d
f e l o n,  h e r  h a v i n g  t o  l e a r n  t o  c o n t r o l  h e r  a n g e r,  h e r
d i f f i c u l t i e s  w i t h  a n  a n g r y  y o u n g  s o n — w e r e  a l l  m e t  w i t h  a
d e e p  u n d e r s t a n d i n g  t h a t  t h r o u g h  t h e  g r a c e  o f  G o d,  a n d  o n e
d a y  a t  a  t i m e,  s h e  c o u l d  s t a y  s o b e r,  s h e  c o u l d  b u i l d  a  l i f e  f o r
h e r s e l f,  a n d  s h e  c o u l d  a v o i d  e v e r  r e t u r n i n g  t o  p r i s o n. I n
t i m e  s h e  e n t e r e d  c o l l e g e,  l e a r n e d  h o w  t o  s u c c e e d  a s  a
s t u d e n t,  g r a d u a t e d,  a n d  t h e n  e a r n e d  h e r  m a s t e r ’ s  d e g r e e  i n
s o c i a l  w o r k. A s  s h e  s h a r e d  h e r  h o p e  a n d  s t r e n g t h  w i t h  o t h e r
w o m e n  w h o  w e r e  w o u n d e d  i n  t h e i r  s o u l s  i n  m u c h  t h e  s a m e
w a y  t h a t  s h e  h a d  b e e n,  t h e  l i g h t  o f  G o d,  w h i c h  s o  c l e a r l y
h a d  b l e s s e d  h e r,  e x t e n d e d  t h r o u g h  h e r  t o  t o u c h  t h e m  a s
w e l l. M i c h e l l e  s u f f e r e d  g r e a t l y  f o r  h e r  m i s t a k e s,  b u t  s h e
e x p e r i e n c e d  G o d ’ s  m e r c y  a n d  s h e  c a n  b e a r  w i t n e s s  t o  i tn o w  i n  t h e  l i v e s  o f  o t h e r s. S o m e t i m e s  H e  u s e s  o u r  s u f f e r i n g
t o  h o n e  u s,  a s  i t  m a k e s  u s  m o r e  h u m b l e,  m o r e  c o n t r i t e,  a n d
m o r e  o p e n  t o  g u i d a n c e  w e ’ d  r e j e c t e d  b e f o r e. S o m e t i m e s  w e
c o m e  o u t  o n  t h e  o t h e r  s i d e  o f  a  d a r k  t i m e  w i t h  a n  i n n e r
k n o w l e d g e,  s o m e  s e n s e  o f  t h e  s o u l  w e  d i d n ’ t  h a v e  b e f o r e. S o m e t i m e s  t h e  f i r e  w e  w e n t  t h r o u g h  b e c o m e s  o u r  p u r i f y i n g
a g e n t,  a l l o w i n g  t h e  m i r a c l e  G o d  h a d  p l a n n e d  f o r  u s  t o  s e i z e
o u r  h e a r t s  a n d  m a k e  u s  n e w. A n d  s o,  c o u l d  i t  b e  t h a t  s o m e  o f  t h e  t h i n g s  t h a t  h u r t  u s
t h e  m o s t  w e r e  i n  f a c t  t h e  w o r k i n g s  o f  G o d ’ s  l o v e — l i k e  a n
o p e r a t i o n  t h e  d o c t o r  p e r f o r m s  i n  o r d e r  t o  s a v e  y o u? S o m e t i m e s  d i f f i c u l t  e x p e r i e n c e s  h a v e  t h e  e f f e c t  o f  a  s t o r m. A f t e r w a r d s  w e  s e e  a  b e a u t y  i n  t h e  s k y  a n d  a  c l e a n n e s s  i n
t h e  a i r  t h a t  w e r e  n o t  t h e r e  b e f o r e. W h a t  w a s  c h a o t i c  a t  t h e
t i m e  h a d  a n  u l t i m a t e l y  s a l u t a r y  e f f e c t. A n d  s o m e t i m e s,
w h e n  w e ’ r e  r e a l l y  f o r t u n a t e,  w e  l o o k  u p  i n  t h e  s k y  a n d  s e e  a
r a i n b o w. I t  c o u l d  n o t  h a v e  h a p p e n e d  w i t h o u t  t h e  r a i n. B e c o m i n g  T e a c h a b l e

O u r  j o b  i s  n o t  t o  d e t e r m i n e  l i f e ’ s  m e a n i n g  b u t  t o  d i s c e r n  i t s
m e a n i n g. O f t


 r e  t o  b e  h e a l e d  t o g e t h e r. *
W h e n  t h e  r e l a t i o n s h i p  i s  s e e n  a s  a  t e m p l e  o f  h e a l i n g,  w i t h
m u t u a l  a n d  p r o a c t i v e  b e n e f i c e n c e  o u r  d a i l y  m e d i c i n e,  t h e
e g o  w i l l  t h e n  h a v e  f a r  l e s s  p o w e r  t o  s n a t c h  a w a y  o u r  j o y. C a t e g o r i e s  o f  L o v e

T h e r e  i s  n o  l o v e  b u t  G o d ’ s. *
T o  t h e  e g o  t h e r e  a r e  d i f f e r e n t  c a t e g o r i e s  o f  l o v e —
b e t w e e n  p a r e n t  a n d  c h i l d,  b e t w e e n  f r i e n d s,  b e t w e e n  l o v e r s,
a n d  s o  f o r t h. B u t  t h o s e  c a t e g o r i e s  a r e  m a d e  u p  b y  u s :  i n
G o d,  t h e r e  i s  b u t  o n e  l o v e. I n  e v e r y  r e l a t i o n s h i p,  t h e
f u n d a m e n t a l  t h i n g s  a p p l y. W h e n  m y  d a u g h t e r  w a s  a  l i t t l e  g i r l,  I  w a s  s u r p r i s e d  a t
t i m e s  b y  h o w  s o p h i s t i c a t e d  h e r  p e r c e p t i o n s  w e r e. O n c e  I
s a i d  s o m e t h i n g  s l i g h t l y  t e a s i n g  a b o u t  a  b o o k  s h e  w a s
r e a d i n g,  a n d  s h e  r e s p o n d e d  b y  m a k i n g  i t  c l e a r  t o  m e  s h e  f e l tm y  c o m m e n t s  w e r e  d i s r e s p e c t f u l. A n d  s h e  w a s  r i g h t ;  t h e
f a c t  t h a t  s h e  w a s  n i n e  y e a r s  o l d  d i d n ’ t  m e a n  s h e  d i d n ’ t  h a v e
a  r i g h t  t o  h e r  t a s t e s  a n d  h e r  o p i n  i o n s  a n d  h e r  f e e l i n g s. ( N o w  t h a t  s h e ’ s  a  t e e n a g e r,  o f  c o u r s e,  I  g e t  t o  r e m i n d  h e r
t h a t  I  d o  t o o! ) A  l i t t l e  r e s p e c t,  a  l i t t l e  h o n o r,  c a n  g o  a  l o n g  w a y. S o m e t i m e s  i t ’ s  n o t  t h e  b r o a d  p h i l o s o p h i c  i s s u e  o f  c o s m i c
i n n o c e n c e  v e r s u s  w o r l d l y  g u i l t,  b u t  t h e  s i m p l e  w a y s  w e
c o m m u n i c a t e  t o  o n e  a n o t h e r  t h a t  d e t e r m i n e  w h e t h e r  l o v e  o r
f e a r  p e r v a d e s  a  r e l a t i o n s h i p. S o m e o n e  w h o  w a s  w o r k i n g  f o r  m e  o n c e  s a i d  s h e  w a s
a b o u t  t o  c a l l  t h e  m a n a g e r  o f  t h e  h o t e l  w h e r e  I  h a d  l e c t u r e d
t h e  d a y  b e f o r e. “ W h y? ”  I  a s k e d. “ I  n e e d  t o  t e l l  h i m  a b o u t  a l l  t h e  m i s t a k e s  t h e y  m a d e  o n
S u n d a y. ”
“ W h o a, ”  I  s a i d. “ L e t ’ s  n o t  d o  t h a t! ”
“ W h a t  d o  y o u  m e a n? ”  s h e  s a i d. “ R e m e m b e r  a l l  t h e
t h i n g s  t h e y  f o r g o t  t o  t a k e  c a r e  o f — t h e  p a r k i n g,  t h e  p i a n o,
t h e  s i g n s? ”
“ S u r e,  I  r e m e m b e r, ”  I  s a i d. “ B u t  t h i s  i s  w h a t  I ’ v e
l e a r n e d :  i f  y o u  a p p r o a c h  t h a t  p h o n e  c a l l  j u s t  t e l l i n g  t h e m
w h a t  t h e y  d i d  w r o n g,  t h e n  t h a t ’ s  n o t  g o i n g  t o  u l t i m a t e l y  g e t
u s  a n y w h e r e. T h e y  m i g h t  a c q u i e s c e  t o  o u r  c o m p l a i n t s,  b u t
t h e y ’ l l  b e  f e e l i n g  o f f e n d e d  a n d  h u r t,  a n d  t h a t  h u r t  w i l l  s h o w
u p  i n  o t h e r  w a y s  d o w n  t h e  l i n e. W h e n  p e o p l e  a r e n ’ t  a l l o w e d
t o  b e  d i r e c t l y  a g g r e s s i v e,  t h e y  o f t e n  b e c o m e  p a s s i v e l ya g g r e s s i v e. I f  p e o p l e  r e s e n t  y o u,  t h e y  w i l l  f i n d  a  w a y  t o
s h o w  i t. “ S o  l e t ’ s  t r y  a n o t h e r


  h e r s e l f. S h e
c l e a r l y  c a r e s  d e e p l y  a b o u t  p e o p l e  a n d  i s  h e r s e l f  a  v e r y
s e r i o u s  p e r s o n ;  h e r  c o m m e n t a r y  o n  t h e  s t a t e  o f  t h e  w o r l d,
a n d  i n  p a r t i c u l a r  A m e r i c a n  p o l i t i c s,  w a s  s e a r i n g  a n d  r e a l. ( I t
w a s  c o u r a g e o u s  e v e n,  g i v e n  t h a t  s o m e  i n  h e r  a u d i e n c e
w o u l d  s u r e l y  n o t  h a v e  a g r e e d  w i t h  h e r! ) Y e t  I  c o u l d  s e n s e
a n  a n g s t  i n  h e r  t h a t  s e e m e d  t o  m e  a  p o i g n a n t  r e f l e c t i o n  o f
t h e  s t a t e  o f  o u r  g e n e r a t i o n. W e ’ r e  s t i l l  t e l l i n g  j o k e s,  b u t
n o t h i n g  s e e m s  a l l  t h a t  f u n n y  a n y m o r e. W h a t  t h e  e v e n i n g  i m p r e s s e d  u p o n  m e  w a s  t h a t  w e  c a n ’ t
g o  h o m e  a g a i n. T h e  s e v e n t i e s,  e i g h t i e s,  a n d  n i n e t i e s  o f  t h e
d i v i n e  M i s s  M  n o  l o n g e r  e x i s t. T h e y  w e r e  a  f u n  p o i n t  i n
t i m e,  l i k e  a  r e a l l y  c o o l  p a r t y. B u t  t h e  p a r t y  h a s  e n d e d,  a n d
t h e  w o r l d,  a s  s h e  p o i n t e d  o u t,  i s  n o  l o n g e r  s a f e  f o r  a n y  o f
u s. W e  w e r e  l i k e  c h i l d r e n  i n  t h o s e  d a y s,  a n d  w e  a r e  c h i l d r e n
n o  m o r e. I  s e n s e d  s h e  w a s  n o t  e n t i r e l y  k i d d i n g  w h e n  s h e
s a i d  s h e  h a d  t a k e n  a  c o u p l e  o f  y e a r s  o f f  t o  s u f f e r  t h r o u g h
h e r  m e n o p a u s e  i n  s i l e n c e. M i d l e r  r e a l l y  d i d n ’ t  s e e m  a b l e  t o  t h r o w  h e r s e l f  h e a r t  a n d
s o u l  i n t o  t h e  o l d  j o k e s. H o w  c o u l d  s h e? I  c o u l d  i m a g i n e  h e ra r g u i n g  w i t h  s o m e o n e  o n  h e r  p r o d u c t i o n  t e a m :  “ O h  c o m e
o n,  B e t t e. T h o s e  j o k e s  a r e  s t i l l  f u n n y! T h a t  r o u t i n e  s t i l l
w o r k s! T h e r e ’ s  a  w h o l e  n e w  a u d i e n c e  o u t  t h e r e  t h a t  h a s n ’ t
h e a r d  t h i s  s t u f f  y e t,  a n d  t h e y ’ l l  l o v e  i t! ”  H e r  r e s p o n s e — a t
l e a s t  i n  m y  i m a g i n a t i o n —  w o u l d  b e  t h a t  s h e ’ s  t o o  s i c k
a b o u t  t h e  s t a t e  o f  t h e  w o r l d  t o  d o  t h o s e  j o k e s  a n y m o r e. H o w
c a n  w e  l a u g h  l i k e  t h a t  w h e n  t h e  w o r l d  i s  s o  m e s s e d  u p? B e t t e  M i d l e r  l i t  u p  o n l y  t w o  t i m e s  d u r i n g  t h e  n i g h t :  W h e n
s h e  w a s  d e a d  s e r i o u s  a b o u t  p o l i t i c s  a n d  t h e  s t a t e  o f  t h e
w o r l d  a n d  w h e n  s h e  w a s  s i n g i n g  s o n g s  t h a t  w e r e  m u s i c a l l y
p r o f o u n d. I  c o u l d  s e e  h e r  c o n u n d r u m,  b e c a u s e  s h e — l i k e  s o  m a n y
o f  u s — i s  n e i t h e r  h e r e  n o r  t h e r e. S h e  i s  n o  l o n g e r  w h o  s h e
w a s  ( t h o u g h  s h e  c a n  m i m i c  i t  b r i l l i a n t l y ) — b u t  s h e  i s  n o t  y e t
w h o  s h e  i s  b e c o m i n g. S h e  c a n  d o  t h e  o t h e r  t h i n g s  s t i l l —
D e l o r e s  t h e  F i s h  a n d  C l e m e n t i n e  a n d  E r n i e — b u t  I  s e n s e d
t h e y  w e r e n ’ t  q u i t e  a s  t r u e  t o  h e r  s o u l  a n y m o r e. P e r h a p s  t h i s
i s  a l l  m y  p r o j e c t i o n,  b u t  i t  w a s  h o w  I  f e l t. S h e,  l i k e  s o  m a n y
o f  u s,  n o w  s e e m s  i n


 community
felt condemnation. Compassion is one of
Generally speaking, physical and mental
attitudes. It is not life's events, but one's
now finally recognizes that nutrition is
the highest of all ener gy attractor power
health are attendant upon positive reaction to them that activates the
related to behavior and health, but this
patterns. As we shall see, our capacity to
attitudes, whereas ill health, both symptoms of stress. A divorce, as we
simple observation caused a controversy
understand, for give and accept is directly
physical and mental, is associated with
have said, can bring agony or relief. when Linus Pauling and I claimed twenty
linked to our personal health. such negative attitudes as resentment,
Challenges on the job can result in
years ago, in Orthomolecular Psychiatry,
18. WELLNESS AND THE DISEASE
jealousy, hostility, self-pity, fear, anxiety,stimulation or anxiety, depending on
that nutrition af fects the chemical
PROCESS
etc. In the field of psychoanalysis, these
whether one's supervisor is seen as a
environment of the brain and
positive attitudes are called welfare
teacher or an ogre. bloodstream, influencing various IT AS BEEN A COMMON
emotions, and the negative ones are
Our attitudes stem from our positions,
behaviors, emotions and mental OBSER V A TION through the ages that
called emer gency emotions. Chronic and our positionality has to do with
disorders.1
certain diseases are associated with
immersion in emer gency emotions results
motive and, therefore, context. More recently, this author published a
certain emotions and attitudes. The
in physical or mental ill health and a
According to the overall way in which
series of papers, the last in 1991, on amedieval concept of "melancholy," for
gross weakening of one's personal power. we interpret the meaning of events, the
twenty-year study showing that a instance, connected depression with
How does one overcome negative same situation may be tragic or comic. regimen of certain vitamins prevented the
impairment of the liver. In contemporary
attitudes so as to avoid this atrophy of
Physiologically speaking, in choice of
development of a neurological disorder
times many physical disorders have been
power and health? Clinical observation
attitude one chooses between anabolic
called tardive dyskinesia, a frequently
clearly linked with the emotions of stress. indicates that the patient must reach a
endorphins or catabolic adrenaline. irreversible disorder which occurs in a
That emotions do have physiologic
decision point. A sincere desire for
It would be foolish to claim that the only
high percentage of patients on long-termconsequences is well documented. In the
change allows one to seek higher impacts on our health are those
treatment with major tranquilizers.2 In a
early days of psychoanalysis, research to
attractor ener gy patterns in their various
originating internally. Impersonal
study of 61000 patients treated by one
identify specific diseases with specific
expressions. elements of the physical world can also
hundred dif ferent doctors over a twenty-
psychological conflicts gave rise to the
(175) One does not get over pessimism by
increase or decrease our strength. Here,
year period, the introduction of vitamins
whole field of psychosomatic inquiry. associating with cynics; the popular idea
too, kinesiological testing is valuable. It
B3, C, E, and B6 decreased the expected
W e have all heard about the connection
that you are defined by the company you
will clearly show that synthetics, plastics,rate of this terrible neurologic disorder
between heart disease and type A versus
keep has some clinical basis. Attractor
artificial coloring, preservatives,
from twenty-five percent to.04 percent.3
type B personalities, and of how
patterns tend to dominate any field in
insecticides, and artificial sweeteners, to
(Among 61000 patients protected by
suppressed anger results in hypertension
which they are received; thus, all that is
mention a few, make the (176) body go
high-dosage vitamin therapy, only thirty-
and strokes. The presumption has been
really necessary is to expose oneself to a
weak, whereas substances which are
seven patients, rather than the predicted
that emotions af fect hormonal change
high ener gy field and one's inner pure, or ganic or made by human hands
nearly 20,000, developed the disorder.) 4
through neurotransmitter variations in
attitudes will spontaneously begin totend to make us go strong, If we
But the paper was lar gely ignored in the
dif ferent areas of the brain associated
change. This is a phenomenon well
experiment with vitamin C, for example,
United States because there was still no
with controlling dif ferent or gans by way
known among self-help groups-as we find that or ganic vitamin C is far
paradigm to give it credibility. The
of the autonomic nervous system. reflected in the saying, "Just bring the
superior to chemically produced vitamin
medical profession has simply been
(180) In more recent years concern over the
body to the meeting." If you merely
C; one makes you go strong and the other
uninterested in nutrition, (177)
and
spread of AIDS has given great impetus
85
86correct the results of an ener gy expose yourself to the influence of higher
does not. Eggs from or ganically fed free-or ganized medicine has
traditionally been
imbalance; unless the basic attitude
patterns, they begin to "rub of f;" as it is
run chickens have much more intrinsic
less than kind to innovators. It is helpful
which is causing the ener gy imbalance is
said, "Y ou get it by osmosis." power than eggs from caged and to remember that it is a foible of human
corrected, the illness tends to return. It is generally held by traditional
chemically fed chickens. The health food
nature to stoutly defend an established
People by the millions in self-help
medicine that stress is the cause of many
movement seems to have been right all
position despite overwhelming evidence
groups have demonstrated that health and
human disorders and illnesses. The
along. against it; the only healthy way to deal
recovery from a whole gamut of humanproblem with this diagnosis is that it does
Unfortunately, neither the American with such lack of recognition is
behavioral problems and illnesses comes
not accurately address the source of the
Medical Association nor the National
acceptance. Once we really understand
as a consequence of adopting attitudes
stress. It looks to blame external
Council on Food and Nutrition have a
the human condition, we will feel
correlated with high ener gy attractor
circumstances, without realizing that all
history of being enlightened in the field
compassion where we once might have
patterns. stress is internally generated by one's
of nutrition. The scientific community
felt condemnation. Compassion is one of
Generally speaking, physical and mental
attitudes. It is not life's events, but one's
now finally recognizes that nutrition is
the highest of all ener gy attractor powerhealth are attendant upon positive reaction to them that activates the
related to behavior and health, but this
patterns. As we shall see, our capacity to
attitudes, whereas ill health, both symptoms of stress. A divorce, as we
simple observation caused a controversy
understand, for give and accept is directly
physical and mental, is associated with
have said, can bring agony or relief. when Linus Pauling and I claimed twenty
linked to our personal health. such negative attitudes as resentment,
Challenges on the job can result in
years ago, in Orthomolecular Psychiatry,
18. WELLNESS AND THE DISEASE
jealousy, hostility, self-pity, fear, anxiety,
stimulation or anxiety, depending on
that nutrition af fects the chemical
PROCESS
etc. In the field of psychoanalysis, these
whether one's supervisor is seen as a
environment of the brain and
positive attitudes are called welfare
teacher or an ogre.bloodstream, influencing various IT AS BEEN A COMMON
emotions, and the negative ones are
Our attitudes stem from our positions,
behaviors, emotions and mental OBSER V A TION through the ages that
called emer gency emotions. Chronic and our positionality has to do with
disorders.1
certain diseases are associated with
immersion in emer gency emotions results
motive and, therefore, context. More recently, this author published a
certain emotions and attitudes. The
in physical or mental ill health and a
According to the overall way in which
series of papers, the last in 1991, on a
medieval concept of "melancholy," for
gross weakening of one's personal power. we interpret the meaning of events, the
twenty-year study showing that a instance, connected depression with
How does one overcome negative same situation may be tragic or comic. regimen of certain vitamins prevented the
impairment of the liver. In contemporary
attitudes so as to avoid this atrophy ofPhysiologically speaking, in choice of
development of a neurological disorder
times many physical disorders have been
power and health? Clinical observation
attitude one chooses between anabolic
called tardive dyskinesia, a frequently
clearly linked with the emotions of stress. indicates that the patient must reach a
endorphins or catabolic adrenaline.


 creation. nature and human nature,
matter and spirit, time and change, being and nonbeing. As a
proto-philosophy it grew from the earliest indigenous ideas of
the Chinese race and had an an1orphous existence long before
Confucianism was born. Lao Tzu, an older conten1porary of
Confucius, shaped it into a philosophy, which was amplified and
elaborated by Chuang Tzu more than a century later. Chuang
Tzu is celebrated for his dream in which he was a butterfly flitting
among the flowers; when he awoke, he was not sure whether he
was Chuang Tzu who had dreamed of being a butterfly, or a but
terfly dreaming of being Chuang Tzu. In its cosn1ic sense, Tao is the ultimate, unknowable reality,
which governs everything in the universe. It has been described as
resen1bling an infinite web of perpetual movement and change. All physical objects, living beings, events in nature and human
nature arc tnere changing shapes and phases in the contractions
and expansions, ripples and undulations of this infinite web. Ev
erything changes ceaselessly. Nothing that exists, nothing that
happens, ever repeats itself exactly. Taoists believe that n1ortals
may glean an instant of this constant change and delude them
selves with the evanescent image as reality. Ancient as it may be,
this concept of reality applies to our modern science of quantum
physics, which in effect looks at what we call reality as an illusion. Taoists scorn the Confucianist doctrines of propriety and so
cial status as overdccorous and potnpous. Taoists, who in contrast
value spontaneity and intuitiv eness, believe that resilience tri
unlphs over rigidity, and quiescence over activity. Their outlook
on life leans to nature and the natural. Happiness con1cs frmn
merging into and hannonizing with nature, not in conqueri ng it,
and certainly not in the foolhardy pursuit of things worldly
such as power, fanll', and wealth. To people enjoying success, Tao
ism rnentions failure, and to those suffering failure, it calls to
mind success. Taoisrn depends on nuny paradoxical aphorisn1s,
such as,.. Great wisdon1 resetnbles stupidity." In the past, son1e
laoists, rebelling against the rigid Confucian establishtnent and
the ancient Chinese version of the rat race, went about with
disheveled hair and unkcntpt clothing, sontctitnes reeling fron1 too n1uch wine. ()nl' n1ight consid er then 1 the origin;ll hippies. l:1oisn1 disrnisses as futile such intellectual exercises as hair
splitting exatninati on and deba te. It values instead the intuit ive
leap and is responsible for the characteri stic Chinese thought pro
cess. narndy. synthl·sis rather than analysis. ltnaginative and ro
rnantic. T.1oisrn has aftl.·cted the litl.· philosophy of all Chinese,
even the rnost rabid Con fucian ists. For tnany Chinese the choice
ben vel'n Con fucianisn 1 and T:.1ois1 n has been delightfully conve
nient: one can be a Con fucianist in success and a Taoist in failure, a
Conf ucianist in public and a Taoist in private, a Confucianist by
day and a Taoist by night. Even in early tin1es, Taoisn 1, \·vhilc it in trigue d intellectuals
with its potH:kring on esoteric subjects, began to interest other. less cerebral people. During the second century A. n., under the
influenc e of a Taoist philosopher and n1etaphysi cist, a religious
otTshoot began to grow fron1 the rnain philosophical trunk. This
Taoist religion was bas ed strongly on the popular Yin -Yang cos
rnology and was enriched with clements of folk legend. Even
tually it beca n1e an organized religion, con1plete with a pantheon
of gods. goddesses, and in1mortals. THE IMMO RTALS
The immortals, or lzsie11, represent a uniquely Taoist concep t.
They arc humans who have discovered the secrets of everlasting
life and acquired an astral bod y resembling their physical one. These men and women stopped aging once they achieved immor
tality. The early Taoists not only believed in this bodily immor
tality but seriously pursued it, with centuries of research and
experiment. Their spirited quest was to leave fascinating imprints
on science in the West and bedroom art in the East. With its un
likely mixture of proto-science and mysticism, Taoism lured dev
otees to try to perfect an elixir of immortality (hsien tan), first in
the alchemist' s crucible, then in the human body itself
Sorne Western scholars believe that alchemy originated in
China under this impulse several centuries before the Christian
era; it later spread westward to Arabia and Europe. But while
medieval European alchemists engaged aln1ost exclusively in try
ing to transn1utc base n1etals into gold, their Chinese counter
parts focused on concocting the elixir of in1n1ortality. This elixir, Tire A1t�titr.l.!,�f )··;, mrd Yatr.�
15 THE SENSUAl. I AND SCA PE
16 it was believed, would not only confer immortality and stop
aging but also boost sexual vitality. '-1�1 Europe, alchemy directly or indirectly inspired chctnistry. Although the alchemists failed to turn base n1etals into gold, they
have in a way been vindicated. Metals ccm be transmuted, not in
the alchen1ist's crucible but in the nuclear physicist's cyclotron. In China, Taoists believed that the secret of the elixir of im
mortality was locked in several ingredients, including cinnabar,
naturally occurring mercury sulfide. They used this potent min
eral in a number of ancient recipes, and many Taoists and a couple
of emperors died of mercury poisoning after ingesting the elixir. Taoist alchen1ists eventually abandoned their crucibles, but not
before they had-accidentally-invented gunpowder. SEXUAL ALCHE MY
In their research the Taoists turned their attention to "inner al
chenly," or sexual alchemy. This was nothing less than an effort to
perf ect an elixir of immortality inside the human body. A key
Taoist concept is chi, primeval life-energy or life-force. The an
cient Chinese believed that all living organisms possessed this
force, the essence of life. This vital, ceaseless energy not only per
meated all living beings but also emanated from ina nin1ate ob
jects. It ebbed and flowed in heaven and on earth. Chi was thus the
supreme universal energy. The mystical Taoist search tor immor
tality eventually developed into a more pragn1atic quest for lon
gevity and health-through sexual energy. When Buddhism was introduced into China fro1n India in the
first century A. o., it encountered a sophisticated, deeply en
trenched civilizat ion already several thousand years old. Through
the centuries the three tonnidable systen1s of philosophy and
rdigion-Confucianisn1, Taoisn1, and Buddhisn 1-were to com
pete against, copy fron1, and influence each other in n1yriad ways. The result was the crystallization of Chinese culture and, in addi
tion, the enrichtnent of sex lite on the Asian continent. The school of Buddhisn1 that reached China was Mahayana
(Great Vehicle). By the seventh century, Ma hayana Buddhisn 1 in
China had absorbed elcrnents of Taoist rnetaphysics and tnind
body practices. Chi nese Buddhi sts revised the concept of nirvana,
the ultin1ate blissful state of salvation, which Indian Buddhists believed cou ld be attained only through tnultiple incarnations�
Chi nese Buddh ists held that it could be achieved by intuitive, an
tirational transc endental tneditation untilcnlightennwnt sudden ly
can1e. Historians call this radic:tlly.tltered t(nnl of Buddhisn1,
known as Zen or Chan Buddhisn1, a purdy Chinese phenotnen on�
it is actually n1oditled \Vith a generous dose of Taoisn1. In the
twelfth century Zen was exported to Japan, whe re it still thrives
today. In China, Zen Buddhisn1 has been practiced n1ainly by the
educa ted dite. For nuny atnong the illiterate, Mahayana Bud
dhisrn degenerated into rnere super stitious idol worship


ego die a painful death. What ended up happening ch anged me for the rest of
my life. The da y before the ex am, I allowed myself to pull
down the public finance textbook for the first time. I tookthe larg e book  outside and s at it beside me as I did my
yoga. W hen I finished my postures, I felt quiet, peaceful,
and tota lly pre pared to face th e next day’s ordeal. As if to
examine the sword I was abo ut to fall upon, I opened the
book to  an arbitrary place. I read both pages that
appeared before me. I performed this ritu al thre e times
before h olding the book up to  the heavens as a sign of my
willingness to surrender. The nex t day, I watched clos ely to see what that voice
would have to say. I was su rprised to be feeling very
peaceful about the upcoming event. After my morning
meditation, I pulled down the book one more time and
opened to an a rbitrary page. It turned out to be one of
the three places I had opened to the day before. I
reviewed the complex chart on that page and put the
book back on the shelf for the last time. Later t hat morning, I parked outside the business
school and meditated for a while before going in. I still
felt very quiet inside. There w as just a sense of peaceful
resignation. I remember feeli ng I had passed the real test
—I had proven that I was cap able of deeply surrendering
if life presented me with something I really did not want
to do. I went upstairs to the economics department, and the
administrative assistant handed me the exam. As I took
it from her han ds, I glanced over the six essay questions
of whic h I had to answer three. I immediately froze, and
tears began to well up in my eyes. Three of the questions
were exactly about the three places where I had
arbitrarily opened the book the day before. I was
stunned. I stood there for a lo ng time unable to even take
a breath. How could this be? It had happened again. In the
name of transcending myself, I had surrendered and
willingly faced my personal fears. Then at the last
moment, instead of certain hell, I was lifted up to
heaven.I w ent into the  designated room and wrote and wrote. The seeds of inspiration were very fresh in my mind. I
was eve n able to reproduce and embellish upon the chart
I had opened to twice. I tu rned in the notebooks and
headed home in a very different state of mind than I had
expected. Driving to the exam, I had felt as though life
was ask ing me  to willingly le t a part of me die that day. But now  I realized that life w as asking me to get out of
the way and let  her do her thing. I was so glad I had been
willing to take that risk. Days later I was called in  by Dr. Goffman and
complimented on the excell ence of my public finance
exam. This recognition from the chairman of the
department should have p leased me, but instead it
actually made me feel guilty. I recounted the whole story
and asked if I had somehow done something wrong. Dr.
Goffman got up, placed his hand on my shoulder, and
told me  to stop trying to be so humble. He then directed
me out of his office.1 6. F o l l o w i n g  t h e  I n v i s i b l e  i n t o  t h e
U n k n o w n
B y th e spring of  1972, through no intention of my own, I
had completed both the course work and the qualifying
exams f or my doctorate. All that was left was writing a
dissertation. I knew that wou ld never happen, so I didn’t
give it a secon d thought. My meditations and yoga were
my entire life. Though I had advanced considerably in my practices, I
still fel t something was holding me back. I began to
believe that the answer was t he practice of Kriya yoga, a
special meditation technique taught by Yogananda. The
problem was that you had to receive the lessons for a
year before becoming eligible. I decided to ask Self-
Realization Fe llowship for early initiation into the
practice of Kriya yoga. In those days, I hardly ev er got mail. So I was
surprised some weeks later when I received two letters
on the same d ay: one from S elf-Realization Fellowship,
and the other from some orga nization I’d never heard of. I w as very exci ted to learn th e fellowship’s response, so I
opened that letter first. My h eart dropped to my feet. I’d
have to wait a nother six months to receive the Kriya
technique. There was not much I could do about it but let
go of my react ion. I took a deep breath and opened the
other letter. With one glan ce, all my disappointment
faded into emptiness. Inside was a flyer that said in big,
bold letters:Receive Kriya This Summer from a
Direct Disciple of Paramahansa
Yogananda
I w as stunned once again. I had never heard of these
people. They appeared to  be an established yoga
community in California, but there was no way that they
could k now me or have go tten my address. I was a
hermit living in the woods of Florida. How could these
two perfectly intertwined lett ers end up in my mailbox at
the same time? Regardless of the answer to that intriguing question, I
knew where I was supposed  to go that summer—to a
spiritual community in North ern California. It’s not hard
to f ollow the g uidance when  it’s that obvious. But my
commitment to letting life be in charge from now on
would f ace a few more chal lenges before I left for my
adventure out west. A sh ort time after the incident with the letters, Dr.
Goffman contacted me to let me know that Alan
Robertson was  trying to reach me. I hadn’t talked to Alan
since we had b oth passed our exams. I got in touch with
him and learned that they had completed construction of
the new Santa Fe Community College campus. Alan was
staffing up for the opening classes and wanted me to
teach there, even if only on a part-time basis. I became
very quiet. I h ad absolutely  no interest in teaching at
Santa Fe Community College or any other institution. My
only intention was to just keep increasing my spiritual
practices until I could remain merged in the beautiful
places I had d iscovered within. I tried to tell Alan this,
but he didn’t w ant to listen. Finally, he said, “I am not
asking you, I’m telling you.” My mouth became dry as I
uttered the words my heart did not want to say: “Yes, sir. I wi ll te ach the re on a part-tim e basis. What do I need to
do?”Surrender —what an amazingly powerful word. It often
engenders the thought of weakness and cowardice. In my
case, it required all the streng th I had to be brave enough
to follow the invisible into the unknown. And that is
exactly what I was doing. It’s  not that surrender gave me
clarity a bout where I was go ing—I had no idea where it
would lead me. But surrende r did give me clarity in one
essential area : my personal preferences of like and
dislike were not going to guide my life. By surrendering
the hold those powerful forces had on me, I was allowing
my life to be guided by a mu ch more powerful force, life
itself. By that  stage of my growt h, I could see that the
practice of surrender was actually done in two, very
distinct steps: first, you let go  of the personal reactions of
like and  dislik e that form in side your mind and heart;
and second, with the resultant sense of clarity, you
simply look to see what is being asked of you by the
situation unfol ding in front of you. What would you be
doing if  you weren’t being influenced by the reactions of
like or dislike? Following that deeper guidance will take
your life in a very different direction from where your
preferences would have led you. That is the clearest I can
explain my surrender experiment, and it became the
foundation of both my spiritual and worldly life.1 7. M y  F i r s t  J o b  I n t e r v i e w
I  had  be en in school most of my life, and except for my
stint as a sports car mechanic after classes in high school,
I had only worked summer jobs. I had never been on a
real job  interv iew before. Alan arranged for me to meet
with a program director to discuss my position at the
college. On the day of  the interview, I arrived in my normal
attire: jeans, a denim shirt, and sandals. The downtown
camp


, photographs, paintings, a table, and so on. Very few would mention the space of the room. Why not? We overlook
the space because it has no objective features that can be seen, heard, tasted,
touched or smelt. At the same time, we cannot say that we are not experi -
encing it. Likewise, if someone were to ask us to describe our current experience
in general, almost all of us would list our thoughts, images, memories, feel -
ings, sensations of the body, perceptions of the world, activities, relationships,
and so on. Very few of us would mention the presence of awareness. Why
not? The fact of being aware is the most obvious, intimate and familiar element
of experience, and yet it has no objective features. Like space, it cannot be
seen, heard, tasted, touched or smelt. It is, so to speak, transparent; it is silent
and empty. And yet without it there can be no experience. the overlooking of our true nature

It is inconceivable that a landscape painter would spend her life painting in
nature, noticing the trees, fields, animals, flowers and clouds, without ever  you are the happiness you seek
noticing sunlight. The light cannot be seen directly, and yet it is that which
renders the world visible. Indeed, it is all she truly sees! Likewise, awareness renders all experience knowable. It is for this reason
that awareness is said to be luminous. It is the illuminating or knowing factor
in all experience. It is, as such, the primary and most important element
of experience, and yet it is almost always overlooked or ignored in favour of
the objective content of experience. Consider the amount of knowledge and experience that each of us ac -
quired during our education. Did any of our parents or teachers ever ask us
what it is that knows or is aware of that knowledge and experience? I have
yet to meet anyone who answers ‘yes’ to that question. Is it not extraordinary that, as a culture, we have almost universally
overlooked the primary and most important element of experience? And
could there be anything more interesting than to know the nature of that
through which everything else is known? Indeed, would it be possible to
know what anything truly is without first knowing the nature of that with
which it is known? The fact of knowing, being aware or awareness itself is closer to us than our
breathing, our innermost thoughts or our most cherished feelings. In fact,
it is not close to us; it is what we essentially are. It is overlooked precisely
because it is so intimate and familiar, not because it is remote, unknown or
inaccessible. It is sometimes said that awareness transcends experience, implying that
it lies beyond  experience and is, as such, out of reach, unknowable and mys -
terious. Nothing could be further from the truth. Awareness lies behind  the
layer of thinking, feeling and sensing with which we normally identify ourself
and is prior to it, just as a screen could be said to lie behind and be prior to
the movie that appears on it. Awareness is not overlooked because it is unknown but because it is so
well known. Familiarity, in this case, may not breed contempt, but it certainly
accounts for neglect. We tend to overlook the space of a room or the light in
a landscape because our attention is exclusively focused on objects. However,
as soon as our attention relaxes, we become aware of the space or the light. Similarly, we overlook the presence of awareness due to the exclusive focus
of our attention on the content of experience, that is, our thoughts, feelings,
22are you my self? sensations, perceptions, activities and relationships. However, awareness
is like the space or the light: as soon as our attention relaxes, we become
aware of it. It is for this reason that in the Tantric tradition of Kashmir Shaivism
it is said that awareness is ‘the greatest secret, more hidden than the most
concealed and yet more evident than the most evident of things’. *

When I suggest that we overlook the presence of awareness in the same way
that we overlook the space in a room or sunlight in the landscape, I imply
that we are one thing and awareness another. This is not intended. We are
awareness! It is we, awareness, who, directing the light of our attention towards the
objective content of experience, overlook our self, the subject of experience. When the focus of our attention softens and we become aware that we are
aware, it is we, awareness, who relax our attention from its objective content
and, as a result, become aware of our self. We come back to our self; we remember our self. However, this is not
a remembrance of something that was once known and subsequently for -
gotten. It is the recognition of what we always and already are but usually
overlook or ignore. We might call this overlooking or forgetting of the presence of awareness
the original ADD – Awareness Deficit Disorder – from which the vast ma -
jority of humans suffer unknowingly. It is the cause of all psychological suf -
fering of the individual, and the conflicts between individuals, communities
and nations. In the Vedantic tradition it is referred to as ignorance, in the sense of
ignoring our true nature, and in Christianity as Original Sin, that is, the
initial error from which all subsequent errors are compounded. The fact of knowing, being aware or awareness itself is not something
that some people have in greater measure than others, nor is it more readily
accessible to some people than to others. None has privileged access to it. It is available to all people, at all times and under all circumstances, simply
by virtue of the fact that everybody is aware, irrespective of what they may
be aware of in any moment of experience. 23* Thanks to Mark S. G. Dyczkowski for this quotation.you are the happiness you seek
     It can be easily recognised as soon as we soften the focus of our attention
from its objective content and come back to our self. It is the silent presence
behind and within all experience. returning to the presence of awareness

After the experience at the concert in London, I noticed often over the next
few weeks that there were gaps in the flow of experience during which my
attention would be gently drawn back to the fact of being aware. It was as
though attention were a two-way street that could be travelled in one direc -
tion, towards the content of experience, and in the opposite direction,
towards myself, the presence of awareness. I also noticed that the intermediary layer of thoughts and feelings was
frequently provoked in response to my experience of the world. If I liked
whatever I was experiencing, I would seek to hold on to it; if I disliked it,
I would attempt to get rid of it. In other words, I noticed that experience was often accompanied by
a sense of dissatisfaction. Sometimes this dissatisfaction was barely discern -
ible, such as a feeling of boredom or a sense of lack that was not intense
enough to command my attention but kept me, without my realising it,
in a more or less continuous state of seeking and resisting. On other occasions the dissatisfaction was fully felt in the form of suffer -
ing. Whenever I noticed this, I would make a conscious effort to return to
the presence of awareness in the background of experience, for I had already
noticed that, being devoid of all objective qualities, it was the place of peace
or refuge in myself. Sometimes this was easy and required almost no effort, and at other times
there was some reluctance. It was in response to this reluctance that I began
to develop a regular habit or practice of returning my attention to its source
in the presence of awareness. This new habit was very simple. As a child I was brought up with P. D.
Eastman’s book Are You My Mother?, in which a recently hatched baby bird
is separated from its mother and sets off in search of her. After some time,
the bird encounters a kitten and asks it, ‘Are you my mother?’ ‘No’, replies
the kitten. Next it comes across a hen. ‘Are you my mother?’ it asks. ‘No’,
replies the hen. 24are you my self? The baby bird continues on its journey asking everything that it encounters
– a dog, a cow, a car, a boat and an aeroplane – the same question. Finally,
the bird is returned to its nest and reunited with its mother. The practice of stepping back from the content of experience and resting
in and as the presence of awareness proceeds in a similar way. We simply ask
every experience that we encounter, ‘Are you myself?’
     When we see a mountain, a building, a person or a movie, we do not
mistake it for ourself. They are what we know  or experience, not what we are. Likewise, when we encounter a thought, image, feeling or sensation, we
simply enquire, ‘Are you what I essentially am?’ These are objects of experi -
ence that are known, witnessed or experienced by us, that is, by awareness. We are no more our thoughts, images, feelings and sensations than we are
a mountain, a tree or a movie. This simple question invites a softening of the focus of our attention from
its objective content and facilitates the recognition of our self as the witness -
ing or knowing presence of awareness. Most people are so accustomed to paying exclusive attention to the content
of their experience that this process of stepping back and resting as the pres -
ence of awareness may seem,