iple reflections  of  the  universal  structure. They  are
our  cosmic  anatomy. When  we  look  at  the  creation,
we  see  ourselves. Unfortunately  since  what  we  see  is  a
mirror  image,  our  foremost  perception  is  of  the  dens-
est body. Close  your  eyes  and  all  your  senses  of  per
ception. See  the  body  without  a  mirror. See  conscious
ness  to  be  the  primal  source. See  intelligence  taking
birth  from  consciousness,  as  the  outermost  layer. Next
see  the  mind,  and  then  prana,  and  finally,  the  food
body. This  is  the  natural  order. To  know  this  is  to
remember  all  time. THE   POWER   OF
TRANSMUTATION
The  intelligence  of  the  universe  is  based  oil  billions  oi
years  of  memory  and  absorption. While  each  element
has  its  own  pure  nature,  it  cannot  assume  form  with
out  also  being  absorbed  in  each  Other  element. Each
gross  element,  mdhabhuta,  is  a  synthesis  oi  all  othei  s.
This  bonding  of  the  elements  is  what  makes  the  uni
verse  visible. Pol  example,  grOSS  fire,  from  which  the
material  universe  emerges,  has  the  charactei  ol  heat
and  form,  as  well  as  the  sound  oi  space,  the  smell  o! earth,  the  feel  ol  air,  and  the  taste  oi  water. Each
21
m
THE    PRINCIPLES    OF    AYURVEDA
element  stores  the  eternal  memory — our  link  with
the  universe  and  the  secret  food  of  every  human  source
of  wellness. The  physical  body  is  formed  by  the  transmutation
of  the  five  gross  elements  into  doshas. Human  intel-
ligence, a  power  transmuted  from  the  subtle  elements,
exists  within  the  receptacle  of  mind. Ideas  and  visions
are  discerned  from  the  glorious  abundance  of  infor-
mation and  energy  fluctuating  in  the  memory  bank
of  the  universe,  ripened  by  billions  of  years  of  radi-
ance and  absorption. These  are  all  transformed  within
awareness. The  infinitesimal  magnitude  of  change
evolves  endlessly  as  we  exchange  our  atoms  and  mol-
ecules with  all  the  elements  around  us. While  we  bask
in  the  sun,  that  solar  energy  becomes  part  of  our
being;  when  we  walk  through  a  forest,  the  trees  and
moisture  and  the  god-filled  black  earth  become  part
of  our  energy  field. Our  field  of  energy  and  that  of  the
forest  and  the  sun  are  identical. Through  the  physiological  blueprint  of  human-
kind, Ayurveda  studies  the  macrocosm. It  is  simpler,
in  this  way,  to  study  what  is  immediately  accessible
first,  and  then  intelligently  observe  other  forms  of  life
and  the  planet  itself. The  study  of  Ayurvedic  physiog-
nomy is  not  meant  to  further  our  self-obsession. Rather  it  is  meant  to  reveal  the  trees  and  soil,  rivers
and  light,  galaxies  and  stars — the  awesome  playing
field  of  creation  through  which  we  recognize  our
human  potential. By  reverence  and  observation,  we
can  learn  how  to  be  human. The  Vedas  create  a  cosmic  map,  which  clearly  de-
lineates a  network  linking  this  planet  and  the  whole
universe. The  doshas  of  Vata,  Pitta,  and  Kapha  in
every  life-form  are  the  same  energies  of  mobility,  trans-
mutation, and  absorption  as  those  in  the  universe. The  seven  body  constituents,  or  dhatus,  correspond
in  humans  and  other  life-forms  to  such  planetary
constituents  as  oceans,  land  masses,  skeletal  deposits,
and  liquid  fire. The  main  channels  of  the  human
body  have  their  counterparts  in  the  tracks  and  rivers,
ducts  and  connective  networks  of  the  universe. Like the  wastes  of  the  body,  or  malas,  the  earth  generates
her  own  natural  waste  without  the  unnatural  break-
downs and  pollutants  resulting  from  human  actions. Transmutation  occurs  with  varying  degrees  of  in-
tensity throughout  the  earth,  and  within  each  life-
form. From  the  earth's  internal  heat  come  the  blood-
red  lakes  of  Africa,  the  hot  springs  under  the  glaciers
of  Iceland,  the  rock-melting  infernos  of  the  Andes. Transformation  occurs  on  a  colossal  scale. On  our
planet,  one  land  mass  became  six  separate  continents;
one  vast  body  of  water  became  the  seven  seas. The
continent  of  India  moved  northward  over  two  hun-
dred million  years  at  the  speed  of  fifteen  feet  every
century  until  it  collided  with  Asia,  sending  the  land
and  sea  sky-high  to  create  the  tallest  mountain  range
on  earth. Some  six  thousand  feet  above  the  sea,  the
fossilized  limestone  of  prehistoric  sea  ammonites  are
embedded  in  the  Himalayan  peaks. The  power  of
change  occurs  from  the  grand  to  the  infinitesimal. All
the  while  the  coolness  of  the  oxygenated  atmosphere
is  maintained  so  that  we  may  flourish  as  a  life-form. The  intelligence  of  the  universe  is  based  on  roughly
120  billion  years  of  intrinsic  memory. This  knowl-
edge enables  her  to  make  very  precise  adjustments. Through  our  powers  of  observation  and  proper  prac-
tice, we  can  access  this  same  knowledge  for  our  infi-
nite transformation  and  refinement. Both  the  creative  and  destructive  forces  depend
upon  transmutation  for  their  respective  prowess. The
emergence  process  can  be  harmonious  to  the  living
and  in  keeping  with  the  earth's  cognitive  memory,  or it  can  be  an  abhorrent  manifestation  born  from  the
action  of  human  amnesiacs. One  fulfills  the  destiny  of
a  healthy  universe  and  the  other  destroys  its  intrinsic harmony. The  entire  intelligence  of  the  cosmos  functions
through  the  same  doshas  and  dhatus  as  those  of  the
human  body. When  we  identify  the  blueprint  of  per-
sonal functioning  and  learn  how  to  access,  guide,  and
encourage  our  real  nature,  we  will  begin  to  serve  our
specific  destiny  with  true  humanity  and  happiness. 22
>9m5r
CHAPTER      2
AYURVEDIC    ANATOMY
THE   PHYSICAL   BODY  AND    PRAKRITI
he  ancient  science  of  Ayurveda  provides  guidelines  to  help  us  identify  our  constitutional  nature,
enabling  us  to  choose  and  live  wisely  on  the  earth. From  the  three  doshas — Vata,  Pitta,  and
Kapha — the  seven  body  types


. Allow  to  cool  and  with  clean  hands  mix  pulp  with
coconut  milk,  roasted  seeds,  parsley,  oil,  and  salt. Serve
warm  as  a  side  dish. Peppered  Corn  on  the  Cob
ALL  TYPES
Serves  3
6  ears  corn
2  tbs  whole  peppercorns
3  tbs  ghee
K  types:  use  'A  teaspoon  ghee  per  ear. Pull  husks  back  but  do  not  detach. Remove  silk  and
pull  husks  up  again;  twist  or  tie  closed. Boil  corn  ears
in  husks  for  10  minutes;  remove  from  water  immedi-
ately. Grind  peppercorn  coarsely  and  heat  in  ghee  for
2  minutes. Peel  corn  and  brush  with  peppered  ghee. Serve  hot. Vegetable  Stir-Fry
ALL  TYPES
Serves  6
74  c  sunflower  oil
72  c  chopped  onion
74  tsp  turmeric
72  tsp  sea  salt
74  tsp  fine  black  pepper
1  c  carrots,  cut  into  matchsticks
1  c  cauliflower  florets
2  c  fresh  spinach  leaves,  chopped
1  small  thinly  sliced  cabbage
1  c  mung  sprouts
V  types:  substitute  1  cup  each  of  snow  peas  and  broccoli
florets  for  cabbage  and  cauliflower. In  a  large  karai,  heat  the  oil  and  add  onion,  turmeric,
salt,  and  pepper. Fry  over  medium  heat  for  2  minutes. Add  carrots  and  cauliflower  pieces  and  stir. Cover  and
simmer  over  medium  heat  for  4  minutes. Add  the  spinach,  cabbage,  and  mung  sprouts. Lower
heat  slightly. Cover  and  cook  for  an  additional  3  min-
utes. Remove  karai  from  heat  and  serve  with  mild
tamari  sauce. 230
m
UNIVERSAL   VEGETABLE    DISHES
Carrot  and  Burdock  Kimpira
Kimpira  refers  to  a  Japanese  method  of  sauteing
matchstick-size  root  vegetables  in  oil. ALL  TYPES
Serves  2
3  carrots
2  burdock  roots
1  tsp  light  sesame  oil
3  tbs  water
1  tsp  mirin
Pinch  of  salt
P  and  K  types:  substitute  lh  teaspoon  walnut  oil  and
almond  oil,  respectively,  for  sesame  oil. Scrub  carrots  and  burdock  roots;  cut  into  matchsticks. Heat  oil  in  stainless-steel  pan  and  saute  vegetables
over  medium  heat  until  cooked  but  still  crisp. Add
water  and  cover. Simmer  over  low  heat  a  few  minutes. Add  mirin  and  salt;  continue  to  simmer  for  another
5  minutes. For  other  vegetable  combinations  (see  below),  cut
root  vegetables  into  matchsticks,  and  cut  all  other
vegetables  into  long  slivers. Leave  corn  kernels  whole. Other  vegetable  combinations:
P,  PK,  K,  KP:  winter  squash/rutabagas
All  types:  winter  squash/daikon;  green  beans/fresh
corn;  snow  peas/fresh  bamboo  shoots Steamed  Broccoli,  Cauliflower,
and  Carrots
ALL  TYPES
Serves  2
1  bunch  broccoli
1  head  cauliflower
3  carrots
Wash  broccoli  and  cut  into  long,  thin  spears. Wash
cauliflower  and  cut  into  florets. Scrub  carrots  and
quarter  into  4"  strips. Place  with  small  amount  of
water  in  a  steamer  and  steam  for  10  minutes. Arrange
on  plate,  alternating  the  broccoli  and  carrot  strips. Place  cauliflower  pieces  across  the  top. Serve  with  an
appropriate  sauce  (see  pages  276-280). Spicy  Roasted  Eggplant
K,  KV,  KP
Serves  2
2  eggplants
'A  c  minced  onion
XU  tsp  minced  garlic
1  tsp  sunflower  oil
Pinch  of  salt
Place  grate  or  metal  bread  rack  over  a  low  flame  or  an
open  fire. Roast  eggplants  with  skins  on. Turn  fre
quently  to  cook  evenly. The  roasting  process  usually
takes  about  15  minutes. Remove  eggplanl  from  heat
and  separate  pulp  from  the  charred  skins  and  stems
Allow  to  cool  and  with  dean  hands,  mix  pulp  with
the  raw  onion,  garlic,  oil,  and  salt. Serve  warm  as .i
side  dish. 231
jmz,
UNIVERSAL    RECIPES    FOR    EACH    BODY   TYPE
Sweet  and  Sour  Vegetables
V,  VP,  VK
Serves  2
6  pearl  onions
4  large  carrots
'A  rutabaga
1  daikon  radish
'A  lb  fresh  pineapple,  peeled
2  tsp  walnut  oil
1  tbs  tamarind  paste
'A  c  warm  water
1  tbs  kudzu  (or  arrowroot)
'A  c  warm  water
'A  c  pineapple  juice
1  minced  garlic  clove
1  tsp  umeboshi  vinegar
Pinch  of  asafoetida
To  peel  pearl  onions,  boil  for  1  minute  then  place  in
cold  water. Trim  ends  and  slip  off  skins. Cut  carrots,
rutabaga,  daikon,  and  pineapple  into  xli  cubes. In  a
large  skillet,  heat  oil  and  add  prepared  vegetables  and
pineapple. Saute  over  medium  heat  for  5  minutes;
cover  and  simmer  for  3  minutes. Dilute  tamarind  paste  in  'A  cup  warm  water. Di-
lute kudzu  in  'A  cup  cold  water. Add  diluted  tama-
rind, pineapple  juice,  garlic,  vinegar,  and  asafoetida
to  vegetables. Cover  and  simmer  over  low  heat  for  20
minutes  until  vegetables  are  tender. Stir  in  diluted
kudzu. Serve  hot  over  appropriate  grain. Steamed  Snow  Peas
and  Acorn  Squash v\V,
ALL  TYPES
Serves  2
1  acorn  squash
1  handful  snow  peas
V  and  P  types:  garnish  with  black  olive  halves  and
olive  oil. K  types:  garnish  with  half  a  red  bell  pepper  marinated
in  lh  teaspoon  of  rice  vinegar  for  15  minutes. Scrub  squash  and  cut  into  thin  lengths  along  inden-
tations. Steam  for  20  minutes  until  firm  but  tender. Add  snow  peas  to  steamer  during  the  last  3  minutes. Yellow  Squash
and  Baby  Onions
Ng?V'-t ALL  TYPES
Serves  2
6  peeled  pearl  onions
3  yellow  crookneck  squash
1  tbs  sunflower  oil
Pinch  of  sea  salt
Pinch  of  turmeric
3  tbs  water
V,  VP,  and  VK  types:  substitute  1  tablespoon  sesame
oil  instead  of  sunflower  oil;  add  1  tablespoon  light
mugi  miso  (diluted  in  3  tablespoons  water)  during
the  last  3  minutes  of  cooking. To  peel  pearl  onions,  boil  for  1  minute  then  place


uija boards, psychic
readings, throwing runes are all forms of magic. The child in us is entranced
by the magic. I tell people not to try to calibrate low energies. You’ll get attracted to
that which is evil and demonic, and start trying to calibrate it, because your
pendulum is going to get hit by that energy. And one of your energy fields
and chakras can get reversed, by the way. Don’ t play around with it. The
pendulum is not a game, and as with any kind of divination, it shouldn’ t be
done for the sport. Many people play with divination and we never hear
from them again. I don’t recom mend it to people because it means they
have to have some curiosity that is so hypothetical, it has nothing to do with
their own spiritu al destination. In other words, you’re just askin g out of idle
curiosity. And often you’re playing with very negative energies when
you’re doing that. You’re trying to flirt with the negative and think you
won’ t get burned. That’ s not going to happen. I know a lot of people who
dealt with pendulums, started checking out other dimension s, and they
really blew up and even became psychotic. Many of these psychics over time turn out to be false. There’ s one locally
that does all the things that are so typical of a cult. He tells people how to
live, gets them bonded to him, tells them about their sex life. He makes
them turn all of their money over to him. And one thing about these cult
leaders you’ll notice is that sex is forbidden to all the follower s, but not to
the cult leader. Well, of course, he’s entitled to go to bed with anybody he
wishes to, and then cite some entity on the other side. The fallacy of the
whole thing is so transparent to a sophisticated person, but the person who
gets entrapped into it, their inner child gets brainwashed by all this mumbo
jumbo. And of course, we look at Jonestown as an example and wonder,
how could a thousand sane adult s commit suicide all at the same time? How
could that be? Cults, you see, are dangerou s because they have the capacity to
brainwash peopl e. A teacher should free you, not bind you. You should not
be boun d by the teacher. On the contrary, you should be freed by the
teacher. You owe nothing to a teacher whatsoever, except to be polite and
listen if you wish. You’re not in bondage, you don’t owe, you’re not
obligated. A true teacher doesn’ t try to control you or get you to turn overyour financial assets to them. The other thing false teachers do is theatrics,
by which I mean  putting on great displays with fancy robes and entourages
and great wonders, buildings and all, to impress you with their importance. The other thing  they try to impress you with is the number of followers. They have 10 million followers in India or something like that. I calibrate the guy with 10 million followers, and he comes out at 140. So, we’re a bit like lemmings being led over the cliff. Adolf Hitler had 40
million adoring followers too, and he calibrated at 90 and almost destroyed
Germany and most of Europe!<|eot_id|><|begin_of_text|>Summarize the following text section accurately and concisely. Maintain specific details and numerical information, and use anti-repetition mechanisms:

        You can let go of wanting to change it,
because all you’re changing is your own projections that you’ve projected
out there. Y ou’re not changing anything in the world at all. Unless a man has a choice between good and evil, how’ s he going to
transcend. If you don’t have any enemies, who do you have left to forgive. You know what I mean. I’m a failur e. I haven’ t got anybody I’d love to
forgive. Now, what ar e we going to do in the Course in Miracles. Spiritual work is primarily yin. It’s yang by its intention, but it’s yin by
its operation. For example, I ask God what is the answer to a thing, and then
I step back and allow the space for revelation. So, progress is achieved
often without even thinking—you just have a feeling of knowing or anintuition. And then if you know muscle testing, you can just check it out for
affirmation. It has been very, very useful. The enlightened  and divined states, the supreme God and all these things,
calibrate at 1,000 or above. As we know, the majority of the world’ s
population calibrates below 200. Why doesn’ t the world go to pieces and
just destroy itself. It gets close  to that periodically. Mankind has been at
war 93 percent of recorded time. The other 7 percent, we were too sick or
too poor, probably. The plague was on. Couldn’ t get our act together to get
out there and kill each other. Why doesn’ t the world just self-destruct. It’s because it’s a logarithmic
scale. So logarithmically, the advance of a few points is enormously
powerful. In fact, in the United States, even just a couple of people calibrate
so high and logarithmically, the power is so great that it totally
counterbalances the negativity of mankind, which would self-destruct. So,
those who are 200 and up—readers like you—are keeping the world from
going down the tubes. The relative power, because it’s logarithmic, is so
enormous that it counterbalances the negativity. LOWER LEVELS OF CONSCIOUSNESS
Now, I just want to show the source of the evil of the ego. Because you
see, consciousne ss began at a very primitive level, the consciou sness level. Over many billions of years, the consciousness level slowly rose. The
consciousness level of life itself, the total consciousness of life on the
planet, has evolved over billions of years, very, very slowly. Sometimes the consciousness level of the animals has kept it up. Even
though man has been lower than 200 many times, there are many animals
on the planet that are over 200. Somebody says, “Well, the consciousness
level of man is at about 204. How come you’ve got life at 212. ” It’s
because we got kitties and doggies. A dog’ s wagging a tail is at 500. I didn’ t want to say anything that might hurt people’ s feelings. But cats
and dogs do better than people. Chimpanzees and gorillas, too. You’re safer
with Koko the gorilla than you are with most of the people on the subway. Koko won’ t steal your purse and run. Monkeys, dogs, cats. Of course, the
more cats you have, the higher your level of consciousness. I’m a cat
supporter. Our level of consciousness at home, without the cats, would
probably collapse. Let’s not forget horses, elepha nts, and cows. These are all primarily
herbivores. When you see how life starts out, at the lowest level, and that
we come up through fish, octopus, the Komodo dragon, and other predatory
mammals, you see that life is voracious. Below consciousness level 200, it
only can survive  by eating other s. And then, as the consciousnes s level goes
higher, you get to the herbivores. At consciousness level 200, we have wolves and foxes. Then, all of a
sudden, at the level 200, we shift to zebras, giraffes, deer, bison, domestic
pigs, elk, cows, and sheep. Do you see the shift. You eat grass  and you’re
not harm ing anybody; whereas the dinosaur has to kill. He has to kill in
order to eat. His nature is to kill. The dinosaur is not being bad or evil,
that’s just his nature. He’s reflecting the level of consciousness. So the
people on the planet who seem to be focused on killing do so because their
level of conscio usness is attuned to be less than 200. Therefore, the left
brain, the instinctual left brain  physiology, takes over, in which killing
becomes exciting, fun, and rewarding. We talked about the 400s being, you might say, when humans reach their
greatest intellectual excellence, probably around 350 BC. In ancient Greece,
philosophically, there really hasn’ t been any improvement since that time. And here we calibrate the great books of the W estern world, and we find it’ s
very interesting. Overall, collectively it calibrates around 460. So
intellectual excellence, intellectual truth, and reason are in the 400s. In the
old days, a liberal education meant to study all of these writers. And there is
still a foundation for the study of the Great Books. They advise you to take
10 years. So you spend 10 years studying, and you will then share a
common understanding with all the greatest minds that’ve ever lived—at
least within the intellectual and philosophic realms. So, the difficulty of something of a very low calibration is that this then
starts off a trend that becomes self-propagating, in the form of memes. An


 we passed each room I activated
the switch which changed channels in each room. I could hear various patients trying
to get their channels back by cussing and by clicking their remote control units as I
went up and down the corridor changing channels. No one ever discovered what
happened, but I knew the mystery broke their monotony. Kind of a ridiculous thing to do, but I guess I was getting a little "stir" crazy. These corridor rides were frowned
upon by the nursing staff, which put a quick end to an otherwise pleasant daily occurrence. I recall several other incidents that I look back on now as humorous. It seemed that
whenever my hospital roommate would be in the lavatory either shaving or
"relieving" himself, that was the time I got the "urge." When I got that urge I had to move fast  or it was too late. After all, I was having
from 12 to 20 B.M.s a day. There were many times I had to get him out fast with his pants down. Can you visualize me running in and him running out at top speed and
making this quick exchange without bumping each other as we passed through the doorway? Anyone watching would have wondered what the hell was going on. This particular roommate was to have a sigmoidoscope examination performed in a
few days and he was petrified and built up a fear bordering almost on hysteria. He
knew I had gone through that test dozens of times and he respected me as an expert. He asked me to give him pointers on how to cope with this cold steel tube. After all, I did know the secrets of these rear-end matters. So I proceeded to coach him in the art
of proper mental, physical, and hind-end relaxation. This is the secret of it all. So
there we would be, the coach and the student going through the training sessions with
him carrying out my instructions. What would the neighbors think if they had
overheard the conversation? The day came for him to undergo the sigmoidoscope. He was shaking as he was wheeled out of the room, but I reminded him again to follow
my instructions. An hour or two later he was brought back to the room. He was all
smiles. He approached me, shook my hand, and thanked me. He said if it wasn't for
me, he could never have done it. A simple thing, yes, but it made my day. Then there were times (it occurred twice) my medicine was brought in while the
nurse stood by to make sure it was swallowed. I glanced at the pills and said to the
nurse, "These aren't mine." She answered, "These are your pills. I prepared them myself. Your doctor ordered them so please take them." I knew what my pills looked
like and these were totally unfamiliar, so I refused to take them until she checked with
my doctor. The nurse left the room and was back in five minutes with an apology. "Those pills were for the patient in the next room. Here are yours." Do you know
what might have happened if I had not known the difference and swallowed them? They could have killed me. I've often thought of that incident over the years, because
it is a common occurrence that takes place every day. There was a rather pathetic incident I experienced before being discharged. There
was an 11-year-old boy across the hall who had such an advanced case of ulcerative
colitis that he had to be fed intravenously 24 hours a day. He looked so small, so frail,
and so frightened. I tried to spend a little time with him each day, but I could see he
was growing weaker. He was wasting away to skin and bones and his doctors
recommended a total colectomy--a complete cutting out of the large bowel, with a bag
provided to collect the waste matter from a permanent opening in the abdomen. This
is one of the most drastic types of surgery. I couldn't see how that shell of a boy, who was listed as critical, would survive whether he had the surgery or not. After leaving
the hospital, I tried to get him out of my mind and could not. However, I did not keep
in touch. I guess, subconsciously, I was afra id for him and for myself: "There, but for
the grace of God, go I." My assumption was that he didn't make it. I almost hoped, for his sake, he did not. At the end of five weeks, Dr. Kale decided to discharge me. He said, "I'm pleased
with your progress." I eagerly awaited news of the medication I had been taking, one
of which was the hormone drug prednisolone which I was to take in rather large doses
for an indefinite period of time, with eventual hopes of reducing the dosage until the
drug was stopped. This tapering was to avoid some very damaging and dangerous changes that could take place in my body. I was also instructed to call Dr. Kale in
about two weeks to resume regular treatments, which were to be at approximately
two-week intervals. For the next month or two there seemed to be some improvement, or more
accurately, a slight remission. There was ne ver really improvement. But I went along,
taking my medication and hoping that my bouts With diarrhea, which had decreased
to about six to ten times a day, would eventually return to normal and also hoping I
would feel better generally. With this seemingly slight improvement these few months, I became somewhat
optimistic and elated. But my elation was short lived because soon the diarrhea increased to about 15 times a day; weight loss was apparent and I was becoming dehydrated from the loss of fluid. I was beginning to run a low-grade fever. Some of
my drugs were discontinued and replaced by  others, such as tincture of opium for
diarrhea (which affected my equilibrium a nd thinking), Sulfaguanidine for some type
of effect on the intestine and bacteria, and Chloroquine for who knows what or why--although it has been used in malaria. The combination of all the medicines was playing havoc with my stomach, the
worst effect being indigestion--severe indigestion. Contributing to this was the hormone prednisolone which I had been taking in rather high doses for a number of
months. This drug causes an increase in hydrochloric acid in the stomach. So to
counteract these effects, another drug called Gelusil was given. Is it any wonder why
normal digestion could not take place even if the ability was there? The symptoms of drug poisoning were beginning to make themselves evident again:
dry mouth, nausea, dizziness, blurred and double vision, fluctuations in mood from
deep depression to extreme euphoria, blood cell changes, blood pressure deviations,
palpitations of the heart, occasional hot flashes, etc. The double vision made it
extremely difficult and frustrating for me to do my surgical work, which was, many times, confined to very small areas on the foot. As the diarrhea increased, there was more weight loss. There was also loss of
minerals, particularly calcium, which cont ributed to muscle cramps. For this I was
given calcium gluconate, which helped somewhat. Dehydration was always a problem
and I could feel myself getting weaker. I was drinking large amounts of water. When the dose of prednisolone was gradually lowered, with eventual complete
eradication always in mind, there would be exacerbations to such a degree as to
necessitate increasing the dose again. I had been taking these hormones for several
years, and very subtle changes, dangerous changes, were taking place in my body. Weight gain was one of them. I had dropped down to about 155 pounds, but now I was noticing an increase. I thought perhaps I was on the road to health. That made me
quite happy and optimistic. With this weig ht gain I experienced alteration in heart
rhythm and severe muscle spasms and cramps in my arms and particularly my legs. This was beginning to occur with greater regularity and often with such intensity as to
cause my legs to contract and double up. I could not straighten them and I could not
tolerate the pain. It would happen. anytime and anywhere. The longer one takes these steroids or hormones, the greater is the threat to life and
risk of death, under certain conditions. I was becoming a victim of steroid poisoning. The weight gain was an unhealthy gain due to sodium retention, and we know that
sodium holds water. There was also a potas sium depletion which was responsible for
the severe muscle spasms and irregular heart rhythm. For this I was given potassium
chloride pills to try to replenish my potassium reserves. Other signs of this poisoning were moon-face, buffalo hump, and general bloating. The moon-face is a severe rounding and puffiness, which changed my appearance to
the degree that many people I knew could not recognize me. The buffalo hump was deposits of water and fat along the back of the neck. This made me look even more
distorted, as did the general body puffiness and swelling. Eventually I reached a
weight of 190 pounds. My maximum weight had never been over 170 pounds. I
dreaded shaving in the morning because I knew I had to face that monster in the mirror. This situation continued for a number of months. Right along with it was the
continual indigestion which many times kept me awake all night. But it was not just the stomach or colon that was involved. It was the entire body that was now sick; the
small intestine, the liver, and other genera l bodily functions were suffering


 do not have to ask for mercy or for giveness,” said Buddha. “Speak
your real name, not the monster ’s that you have assumed.”
The wild man took another leap at Buddha, and as before, when he
landed his blade swished through the air. Buddha was standing two paces
away. “I can only stop a moment,” Buddha said. “But if you want my help,
come to me.”
He turned his back on Angulimala and began slowly walking away. Behind him there was a scream of rage. One thing the old Brahmin had said
was true: Angulimala possessed enough demonic ener gy that he could
outrun a horse. He char ged at Buddha, his knife stretched out in front like a
spear. It should have taken only a few seconds to reach his prey, but Buddha
remained a step ahead. Angulimala sped up, panting as he ran. His bare feet
stirred up a cloud of dust, but he couldn’ t close the gap between himself andBuddha. This kept up for ten minutes, until the wild man fell to the ground,
clutching at his cramped legs. Buddha turned around and regarded him. “There’ s a small distance between you and me,” he said mildly. “Shall I
close it? I can.”
He reached down and touched the killer ’s matted hair, and Angulimala
began to weep. “Please tell me your real name,” Buddha ur ged. There was a
pause, and Angulimala shivered from head to toe. “Why?” he moaned. By
this he meant, Why should anyone help me? I am damned. “I will tell you, but I can’ t explain to an animal,” said Buddha. Angulimala clutched at himself, writhing on the ground. Buddha stood
quietly, letting the demonic ener gy drain away. It would take more than a
single seizure to purify the wild man, but this was a beginning. After he had
thrashed in the dust for some minutes, a name came out. “Anigha,” he said. “Look at me, Anigha,” Buddha said. “W e are brothers.”
The wild man was pacified from exhaustion, his body spent. He raised
his head as Buddha bent over to bless him. “Y ou were once a great saint,”
said Buddha. “Now you have become a great sinner. This was not a curse. The cycle of birth and rebirth has brought you full circle. The same thing
happens to everyone. It has happened to me.”
Each word he spoke caused a change in Anigha. His eyes looked far
away; he seemed to remember something deep and profound. T ears rolled
down his cheeks. “I am damned,” he said aloud, his voice becoming more
human. “No, you share the same fate as everyone,” said Buddha. “Y ou wanted
to find a way out of suf fering. The only dif ference is that you asked for the
life of a monster. You imagined that if you caused enormous suf fering, you
would be immune to it.”
The weight of Anigha’ s crimes was crushing him—he groaned.“It’s horrible to bring hell on earth,” said Budddha. “There was another
purpose, though, that no one sees.” Anigha stared in baf flement. “Y ou
hungered for the supreme truth many lifetimes ago. The gods failed you;
your vows as a monk led to nothing but deeper disappointment. So you
swore that you would not be redeemed unless the greatest sinner received
the same treatment.”
Now Anigha grasped Buddha’ s feet and was sobbing loudly as his pain
poured out. Buddha took his hands away and lifted him up. “If you are part
of me, you need nothing else to be saved,” he said. Anigha said, “But I have killed.”
“You fell into evil so that you could prove to yourself that there is a
reality that evil cannot touch. W ill you let me show it to you?”
Anigha listened quietly, then he looked down at his filthy body clothed
in bloodied hides. They were unrecognizable now as part of him. He led
Buddha to a stream and washed the dirt away. When he had washed of f as
much as he could, he came out of the water. “I will follow you anywhere,”
he said. “Angulimala is dead.”
“You will always be with me. But for the moment you need to stay
here,” said Buddha. “Devote yourself to atonement. Leave food for the
poor. Offer flowers and water at the temple gate for those who want to
make sacrifice. Help lost travelers whom you once terrified. Whatever you
do, don’ t show yourself. I will return for you very soon.”
Anigha didn’ t find it easy to let Buddha go; he still half-believed that he
was in a dream devised by a mischievous demon. After a while, though, his
exhaustion made him nod of f as the two sat under a tree talking. Buddha
arose and left quietly. He gave no thought to where he was going next. But
something had happened that he alone knew. He had altered the course of
evil with a touch and a word. He was still a new Buddha, four days out of the womb, but every
moment was bringing him greater power and more wisdom to use it well.OceanofPDF.com18
The five monks had retreated to a forest glade near Benares after they
parted from Gautama. Months passed. Now the glade was beautiful with
overhanging trees in the riotous bloom of spring. They knew Gautama must
be dead, although the subject was never raised. The five monks lived a
secluded life, but their time of extreme austerity was over and done with. Returning to a moderate life seemed sensible, but a faint gloom settled
over their existence because every forest monk wanted to reach
enlightenment. Gautama’ s failure spelled failure for them too. Therefore,
when he walked into their camp one morning, the five monks were relieved
for themselves as much as for him. After they greeted him with exclamations and expressed their joy, the
monks sat and waited for their brother to describe what had happened. It
was as if someone had returned from the dead. They expected a miracle
story. At the very least, he would describe the wonders of enlightenment. But Buddha only wanted to be with them quietly, his glance occasionally
moving from one to the other. “We mourned for you, Gautama,” Kondana, the youngest, said. “Because you knew that Gautama was no more,” said Buddha. “And
you were right.”
This was something they understood since it’ s a matter of course that
someone who reaches enlightenment has severed all connections to hisformer personality. But none of the five monks had actually met anyone
who had gotten there. “If you aren’ t Gautama, who are you?” Assaji asked. “I keep Gautama’ s body, and you can call me by his name if you like,”
said Buddha, smiling. “Y ou need some way to find me in the dark. But I am
not this body or this name. I am not a person any longer as you know it.”
“That tells me what you are not, but I still don’ t know what you are,”
said Assaji, pressing the point. Instead of replying, Buddha closed his eyes and went into samadhi,
something they had seen Gautama do a thousand times. Assaji was about to
signal that they should follow suit when Gautama unexpectedly opened his
eyes again. The monks were used to him being lost in silence for days. “Do you want to meditate alone?” Assaji asked. “W e can leave you.”
“It’s not that, dear friend,” said Buddha. “I have talked with only a few
people since I came to be awakened. One blessed me with knowledge of
good and evil. But no one has asked me who I am until now. You have
given me another blessing.”
Assaji looked confused. “How is that?” he asked. “When I closed my eyes, I saw my past lifetimes. T en thousand of them,
and I lived each one moment by moment.”
The five monks were amazed. “In the blink of an eye?” Kondana
exclaimed. Buddha smiled. “T wo blinks, if you like. W e have all been told since
childhood that the cycle of birth and rebirth has brought us back many
times. But as I went back to those lifetimes, I found that all of them were
equal. I am every life I’ve ever lived, and yet I am none of them, for I can
be here or there whenever I want.”
“Is this the knowledge that set you free?” said Assaji.“Do you ask me that because you really want to know or because you
feel worried and insecure?” asked Buddha. Assaji looked uncomfortable. “Y our feat seems superhuman,” he said. “If it takes something like that to reach enlightenment, what hope do we
have? W e’re just ordinary monks.” The others murmured in agreement. “I didn’ t return to discourage you or to awe you. Y ou asked me who I
am, and now I can tell you. I can also tell you who you are. Y ou are not the
separate self. Y ou have a


 s s u e s. O f  c o u r s e
w e  w a n t  t o  a v o i d  t h e  p a i n. B u t  b y  d o i n g  s o,  w e  i n e v i t a b l y
c a u s e  m o r e  o f  i t. T h a t  i s  w h e r e  w e  a r e  t o d a y. W e  a r e  a c t i n g  o u t  o u r  a n g e r
a n d  f e a r  b e c a u s e  w e  a r e  n o t  f a c i n g  t h e  d e p t h  o f  o u r  p a i n. A n d  k e e p i n g  t h e  c o n v e r s a t i o n  s h a l l o w  s e e m s  a  p r e r e q u i s i t ef o r  k e e p i n g  t h e  p a i n  a t  b a y. T h o s e  w h o  w o u l d  e n g a g e  i n  a
d e e p e r  c o n v e r s a t i o n  a r e  s y s t e m a t i c a l l y  b a r r e d  f r o m  t h e
m a i n s t r e a m :  f r o m  n e w s p a p e r s  a n d  m a g a z i n e s,  f r o m  T V,  a n d
e s p e c i a l l y  f r o m  p o l i t i c a l  p o w e r. O n e  n i g h t  I  w a s  w a t c h i n g  a  n e w s  b r o a d c a s t  a b o u t  t h e
l a t e s t  v i d e o t a p e  p u r p o r t e d l y  s e n t  b y  O s a m a  b i n  L a d e n  t o  a n
A r a b  t e l e v i s i o n  n e t w o r k. T h e  f o c u s  o f  t h e  A m e r i c a n  n e w s
s t o r y  w a s  n o t  o n  b i n  L a d e n ’ s  m e s s a g e  b u t  r a t h e r  o n  t h e
t e c h n o l o g y  b y  w h i c h  A m e r i c a n s  h a d  v e r i f i e d  t h e  r e c o r d i n g. H i s  m e s s a g e  w a s  t o o  h o r r i f y i n g ;  i t  w a s  a s  t h o u g h  w e  w e r e
t r y i n g  t o  e m o t i o n a l l y  d i s t a n c e  o u r s e l v e s  f r o m  i t  b y  h a v i n g  a
b e a u t i f u l  n e w s  r e p o r t e r  d i s c u s s  t h e  t e c h n o l o g y  o f  t h e  t a p e
r a t h e r  t h a n  i t s  c o n t e n t s. V i s i t i n g  a  m e d i c a l  o f f i c e  o n e  d a y  r e c e n t l y,  I  a s k e d  m y
d o c t o r,  a  m e m b e r  o f  t h e  “ g r e a t e s t  g e n e r a t i o n, ”  h o w  h e  h a d
b e e n  f e e l i n g  l a t e l y. “ F i n e, ”  h e  s a i d. “ H o w  a b o u t  y o u. ”
“ I ’ m  o k a y, ”  I  s a i d. “ B u t  I  f e e l  l i k e  e v e r y b o d y  i s  f r e a k i n g
o u t  o n  t h e  i n s i d e  t h e s e  d a y s ;  w e ’ r e  j u s t  n o t  t a l k i n g  a b o u t  i t. I  t h i n k  t h e  s t a t e  o f  t h e  w o r l d  h a s  u s  m o r e  o n  e d g e  t h a n
w e ’ r e  a d m i t t i n g. ”
“ I  t h i n k  t h a t ’ s  t r u e, ”  h e  s i g h e d. “ T h i n g s  w o u l d  g e t  b a d
b e f o r e,  b u t  y o u  a l w a y s  h a d  a  s e n s e  t h e y  w o u l d  u l t i m a t e l y  b e
o k a y. N o w  I  d o n ’ t  n e c e s s a r i l y  f e e l  t h a t  w a y … ”  H i s  v o i c e
t r a i l e d  o f f,  h i s  s a d n e s s  o b v i o u s. A s  u n h a p p y  a s  h e  w a s  w i t h
t h e  s t a t e  o f  t h e  w o r l d,  h e  s e e m e d  g r a t e f u l  I  h a d  b r o u g h t  i t
u p. T h e  f a c t  t h a t  w e  g o  a b o u t  o u r  l i v e s  a s  t h o u g h  t h e
s u r v i v a l  o f  t h e  w o r l d  i s  n o t  a t  s t a k e  i s  n o t  t h e  s i g n  o f  a  s t i f fu p p e r  l i p. I t  i s  t h e  s i g n,  r a t h e r,  o f  a  s o c i e t y  n o t  y e t  a b l e  o r
w i l l i n g  t o  h o l d  a  c o n v e r s a t i o n  a b o u t  i t s  d e e p e s t  p a i n. W e  a r e  b e i n g  c h a l l e n g e d  b y  w o r l d  e v e n t s,  b y  t h e  t i d e s  o f
h i s t o r y,  t o  d e v e l o p  a  m o r e  m a t u r e  c o n s c i o u s n e s s. Y e t  w e
c a n n o t  d o  t h a t  w i t h o u t  f a c i n g  w h a t  h u r t s. L i f e  i s  n o t  a  p i e c e
o f  t r a g i c  f i c t i o n,  i n  w h i c h  a t  t h e  e n d  o f  t h e  r e a d i n g  w e  a l


 e n  w e  t r y  t o  t e l l  l i f e  w h a t  i t  m e a n s  w h e n  w e
w o u l d  b e  b e t t e r  o f f  a l l o w i n g  l i f e  t o  s h o w  u s  w h a t  i t  m e a n s. *
W h e n  J e s u s  s a i d  w e  s h o u l d  b e  a s  l i t t l e  c h i l d r e n,  i t  w a s
b e c a u s e  l i t t l e  c h i l d r e n  k n o w  t h a t  t h e y  d o n ’ t  k n o w. *  W e  g oa r o u n d  t h i n k i n g  o r  a t  l e a s t  p r e t e n d i n g  w e  k n o w  t h e  m e a n i n g
o f  t h i n g s,  w h e n  i n  f a c t  t h e  m o r t a l  m i n d  h a s  n o  b a s i s  f o r  r e a l
k n o w i n g. L i t t l e  c h i l d r e n  e x p e c t  s o m e o n e  o l d e r  a n d  w i s e r  t o
e x p l a i n  t h i n g s  t o  t h e m ;  w e  c a n  h a v e  t h e  s a m e  r e l a t i o n s h i p
w i t h  G o d. T h e r e ’ s  a  w a y  o f  r e l a x i n g  i n t o  o u r  c e n t e r,  w o r k i n g  m u c h
l e s s  h a r d,  l e t t i n g  o t h e r  p e o p l e  h a v e  t h e i r  s a y,  k n o w i n g  o u r
b e i n g  i s  e v e n  m o r e  r a d i a n t  a t  t i m e s  w h e n  w e ’ r e  i n  a  s p a c e
o f  n o t - d o i n g. W h e n  t h e  e g o  s t e p s  b a c k,  t h e  p o w e r  o f  G o d
c a n  s t e p  f o r w a r d. H e  c a n  a n d  w i l l,  w h e n  w e  a l l o w  H i m  t o. T o o  o f t e n  w e  f e e l  w e ’ r e  i n v i s i b l e  u n l e s s  w e ’ r e  m a k i n g  t h e
c o o l  c o m m e n t,  d o i n g  t h i s  o r  d o i n g  t h a t. B u t  w e ’ r e  s o  m u c h
m o r e  p o w e r f u l  w h e n  s u r r o u n d e d  b y  s i l e n c e. T a k i n g  a  d e e p
b r e a t h,  k n o w i n g  t h a t  w h a t  y o u  d o n ’ t  s a y  c a n  b e  a s  p o w e r f u l
a s  w h a t  y o u  d o  s a y,  t h i n k i n g  d e e p l y  a b o u t  s o m e t h i n g  b e f o r e
m a k i n g  a  r e s p o n s e — s u c h  a c t i o n s  l e a v e  r o o m  f o r  t h e  s p i r i t
t o  f l o w,  t o  h a r m o n i z e  y o u r  c i r c u m s t a n c e s  a n d  m o v e  t h e m  i n
a  m o r e  p o s i t i v e  d i r e c t i o n. H o w  m a n y  t i m e s  h a v e  w e  f e l t
w e ’ v e  b l o w n  i t  s i m p l y  b y  t a l k i n g  w h e n  w e  w i s h  w e  h a d n ’ t
o r  b y  s h o w i n g  o f f  w h e n  w e  c o u l d  h a v e  j u s t  s a t  t h e r e  a n d
s e e m e d  i n t r i g u i n g — b e c a u s e  w e  w e r e? G o d ’ s  s p i r i t  w i l l  a l w a y s  r e v e a l  t h e  t r u t h  t o  u s  i f  w e
s i m p l y  d o n ’ t  b l o c k  H i s  g u i d a n c e. A n d  w e  b l o c k  i t  b y
t a l k i n g  f i r s t,  a t t i t u d i n a l l y  w a l k i n g  a h e a d  o f  t r u t h. T h i s
h a p p e n s  w h e n  w e  p u s h  t o o  h a r d — i n  a  c o n v e r s a t i o n  o r  a
p r o j e c t — t r y i n g  f r a n t i c a l l y  t o  m a k e  t h i n g s  h a p p e n,  o r  k e e p
t h i n g s  f r o m  h a p p e n i n g,  b e c a u s e  w e  l a c k  f a i t h  i n  a n  i n v i s i b l e
o r d e r  o f  t h i n g s. T h a t  i s  w h y  t h e  H o l y  I n s t a n t  m a t t e r s :  i t  i s  am o m e n t  o f  q u i e t  w h e n  t h e  s p i r i t  e n t e r s  a n d  m a k e s  r i g h t  a l l
t h i n g s. O f t e n  i t ’ s  b e t t e r  t o  l i v e  i n  a  q u e s t i o n  u n t i l  t h e  a n s w e r
e m e r g e s ;  t o  b e  o k a y  w i t h  n o t  k n o w i n g  u n t i l  w i s d o m  c o m e s ;
t o  t a k e  a  b a c k s e a t  a n d  j u s t  l i s t e n  u n t i l  y o u  g e n u i n e l y  h a v e
s o m e t h i n g  t o  s a y. S o m e t i m e s  i t  i s  o u r  s i l e n c e  t h a t  t e s t i f i e s  t o
o u r


 w a y. D i d n ’ t  t h e y  d o  a  l o t  o f  t h i n g s
r i g h t? ”
“ S u r e, ”  s h e  s a i d. I  c o n t i n u e d. “ I  m e a n,  t h e  r o o m  w a s  b e a u t i f u l,  t h e  s o u n d
w a s  g r e a t,  t h e y  p r o v i d e d  l o v e l y  r e f r e s h m e n t s,  t h e y  c r e a t e d  a
h o m e y  a t m o s p h e r e — t h e y  t r i e d  r e a l l y  h a r d  t o  m a k e  u s  a l l
f e e l  w e l c o m e. I s n ’ t  t h a t  t r u e? ”
“ O k a y,  I ’ l l  l e t  A l e x  m a k e  t h e  c a l l. S h e ’ s  a l w a y s  r e a l l y
n i c e  a b o u t  t h i n g s  l i k e  t h a t. ”
“ N o,  M a g g i e, ”  I  s a i d. “ T h i s  i s  a b o u t  m o r e  t h a n  j u s t  b e i n g
n i c e. I ’ m  n o t  j u s t  t a l k i n g  a b o u t  b e h a v i o r  m o d i f i c a t i o n ;  I ’ m
t a l k i n g  a b o u t  t r a n s f o r m a t i o n. I ’ m  t a l k i n g  a b o u t  s u r r e n d e r i n g
o u r  n e e d  t o  f o c u s  o n  s o m e o n e ’ s  g u i l t. I f  a n y o n e  o n  o u r  t e a m
i s  t h i n k i n g  t h o u g h t s  l i k e  t h a t,  i t  a f f e c t s  t h e  w h o l e  t e a m. “ W e  a r e  a l l  r e s p o n s i b l e  n o t  j u s t  f o r  o u r  b e h a v i o r  b u t  f o r
o u r  a t t i t u d e s,  b e c a u s e  o u r  a t t i t u d e s  a f f e c t  a  s i t u a t i o n  a s
m u c h  a s  o u r  b e h a v i o r  d o e s. E v e r y t h i n g  w e  d o,  i n c l u d i n g —
s o m e t i m e s  e s p e c i a l l y! — w o r k,  i s  a  j o u r n e y  o f
t r a n s f o r m a t i o n. ”
L a t e r  t h a t  a f t e r n o o n  I  h e a r d  M a g g i e  o n  t h e  p h o n e  w i t h
t h e  m a n a g e r  o f  t h e  h o t e l. “ H e y,  I  w a n t  t o  t h a n k  y o u  f o r  a l l
t h e  t h i n g s  y o u  g u y s  d i d  t o  m a k e  i t  s o  g r e a t  o n  S u n d a y! ”  s h e
b e g a n. I  h e a r d  t h e m  c h a t t i n g  n i c e l y  f o r  t h e  n e x t  c o u p l e  o f
m i n u t e s. A n d  t h e n  I  h e a r d  h e r  s a y,  i n  a  v e r y  k i n d  v o i c e,
“ H e y,  I  w a s  w o n d e r i n g  i f  I  c o u l d  g o  o v e r  a  c o u p l e  o f  t h i n g s
w i t h  y o u. ”  S h e  p r o c e e d e d  t o  m e n t i o n,  i n  p o l i t e  a n du n d e r s t a n d i n g  w a y s,  t h e  i s s u e s  t h a t  s t i l l  n e e d e d  t o  b e
a d d r e s s e d. A n d  t h e y  w e r e. I ’ v e  h a d  s i t u a t i o n s  i n  m y  l i f e  w h e r e  s o m e o n e  h a d  a
p r o b l e m  w i t h  s o m e t h i n g  I ’ d  s a i d,  a n d  i n  l o o k i n g  b a c k  I
e x c l a i m e d,  “ B u t  I  w a s  r i g h t! I  s a i d  t h e  r i g h t  t h i n g! ”  A n d
t h e n  I ’ v e  g o t t e n  b a c k  t h e  p r o v e r b i a l  r e s p o n s e :  “ I t  w a s n ’ t
w h a t  y o u  s a i d ;  i t  w a s  h o w  y o u  s a i d  i t. ”  A  t o n e  o f  v o i c e  c a n
h e a l,  a n d  a  t o n e  o f  v o i c e  c a n  h u r t. W h a t  t h e  e g o  d o e s n ’ t  w a n t  u s  t o  r e a l i z e  i s  t h e  p r a c t i c a l i t y
o f  l o v e. W e  r e c e i v e  t h e  e x p e r i e n c e  o f  c o m p a s s i o n  t o  t h e
e x t e n t  t o  w h i c h  w e  e x t e n d  t h e  e x p e r i e n c e  o f  c o m p a s s i o n. A n d  y o u  n e v e r  k n o w  w h e r e  i t ’ s  m o s t  i m p o r t a n t. M a r t h a  S t e w a r t  h a d  h e r  e n t i r e  l i f e  b r o u g h t  t o  t h e  b r i n k  o f
d i s a s t e r  b y,  a s  m u c h  a s  a n y t h i n g  e l s e,  h e r  p e r s o n a l  m a n n e r s. T h e  f a c t  t h a t  s h e  o f f e n d e d  h e r  b r o k e r ’ s  a s s i s t a n t  w o u l d
c


  a  m i d d l e  z o n e,  w h e r e  r e a l  c h a n g e
h a p p e n s. W e  a r e  s p i r i t u a l l y  t o o  b i g  a t  t h i s  p o i n t  t o  f i t  i n t o
t h e  a t t i t u d i n a l  c l o t h e s  w e  u s e d  t o  w e a r,  y e t  t h e  n e w  o n e s  a r e
s t i l l  h a n g i n g  i n  t h e  c l o s e t. W h e n  y o u  t a k e  o f f  o n e  s e t  o f  c l o t h e s,  y o u  a r e  n a k e d  f o r  a
m i n u t e  b e f o r e  y o u  p u t  o n  a n o t h e r. W h e n  a g e  i s  s e e n  i n  a
p u r e l y  m a t e r i a l  c o n t e x t,  y o u  s o r t  o f  w o n d e r  i f  t h e r e  i s
a n o t h e r  s e t  o f  c l o t h e s. Y e t  i n  a  s p i r i t u a l  c o n t e x t,  t h e r e  i s  n o
p h a s e  o f  l i f e —  b e c a u s e  t h e r e  i s  n o  p o i n t  i n  t h e  u n i v e r s e —
w h e r e  G o d  i s  n o t. W e  a r e  a l w a y s  o n  t h e  r o a d  t o  t h e  n e x ts t a g e,  w h e t h e r  w e  a r e  d a y s  o l d  o r  d e c a d e s  o l d. T h e  s p i r i t  o f
l i f e  i s  n o t  d i m i n i s h e d  b y  t i m e. I n  t h e  p r e s e n t  m o m e n t,  o u r
t a s k  i s  t o  l e t  g o  o f  w h a t  w a s,  w i t h  l o v e  o r  e v e n  s o r r o w,  a n d
e m b r a c e  w h a t  e m e r g e s  n e x t  f r o m  t h e  M i n d  o f  G o d. W h e n
w e  h a v e  s e e n  t h e  w o r l d  a n d  u n d e r s t o o d  t h e  w o r l d  a n d  f e l t
o u r  s o u l s  g r o w  s i c k  o f  t h e  w o r l d,  i t ’ s  t i m e  f o r  u s  t o  b e c o m e
c h i l d r e n  a g a i n. W e  l o o k  t o  G o d  t o  g i v e  u s  n e w  l i f e  w h e n  t h e
o l d  o n e  h a s  b e g u n  t o  d i e. I ’ d  g o  s e e  M i d l e r ’ s  b r i l l i a n c e  a n y t i m e,  b u t  I  h a v e  a
d i s t i n c t  i m p r e s s i o n  t h a t  t h e  n e x t  t i m e  I  s e e  h e r,  C l e m e n t i n e
a n d  E r n i e  m i g h t  h a v e  m o r p h e d  i n t o  s o m e t h i n g  n e w. S h e  h a s
a l r e a d y  d e m o n s t r a t e d  t h e a t r i c a l  g r e a t n e s s  a n d  n o w  s e e m s
h e a d e d  t o w a r d  o u r  g e n e r a t i o n a l  d e s t i n y :  a  g r e a t n e s s  t h a t
w i l l  b e  t h e  c r o w n i n g  g l o r y  o f  a l l  h e r  a c h i e v e m e n t s  u p  u n t i l
t h i s  p o i n t,  p a v i n g  t h e  w a y  f o r  t h e  t r a n s f o r m a t i o n  o f  o u r
w o r l d. S h a k e s p e a r e  s a i d  a l l  t h e  w o r l d ’ s  a  s t a g e,  a n d  a l l  o f  u s
p l a y e r s  o n  i t. T o d a y — w h e t h e r  w e  a r e  f a m o u s  e n t e r t a i n e r s
o r  j u s t  r e g u l a r  f o l k s — i t  f e e l s  l i k e  y e a r s  o f  r e h e a r s a l  a r e
f i n a l l y  o v e r,  a n d  t h e  g r e a t e s t  p e r f o r m a n c e  o f  o u r  l i v e s  i s
a b o u t  t o  b e g i n. P l a y i n g  O u r  P a r t

T h e r e  w a s  a  t i m e  w h e n  t h e  t h o u g h t  o f  c h a n g i n g  t h e  w o r l d
d i d n ’ t  r e a l l y  s e e m  a l l  t h a t  h a r d.W h e n  y o u ’ r e  y o u n g,  i t ’ s  f a i r l y  e a s y  t o  e m b r a c e  t h e
n o t i o n  t h a t  w e  w i l l  s o m e d a y  c a s t  a w a y  a l l  p r o b l e m s  f r o m
t h e  w o r l d. O u r  b o d i e s  a r e  y o u n g  a n d  v o l u p t u o u s,  o u r  e n e r g y
e n d l e s s,  o u r  o p p o r t u n i t i e s  s e e m i n g l y  i n f i n i t e ;  w e  t h i n k  i t ’ s
o n l y  a  m a t t e r  o f  t i m e  b e f o r e  a l l  p r o b l e m s  w i l l  b o w  b e f o r e
t h e  p o w e r  o f  o u r  e f f o r t s  ( w h i c h  a r e,  a f t e r  a l l,


 irreversible disorder which occurs in a
That emotions do have physiologic
decision point. A sincere desire for
It would be foolish to claim that the only
high percentage of patients on long-term
consequences is well documented. In the
change allows one to seek higher impacts on our health are those
treatment with major tranquilizers.2 In a
early days of psychoanalysis, research to
attractor ener gy patterns in their various
originating internally. Impersonal
study of 61000 patients treated by one
identify specific diseases with specificexpressions. elements of the physical world can also
hundred dif ferent doctors over a twenty-
psychological conflicts gave rise to the
(175) One does not get over pessimism by
increase or decrease our strength. Here,
year period, the introduction of vitamins
whole field of psychosomatic inquiry. associating with cynics; the popular idea
too, kinesiological testing is valuable. It
B3, C, E, and B6 decreased the expected
W e have all heard about the connection
that you are defined by the company you
will clearly show that synthetics, plastics,
rate of this terrible neurologic disorder
between heart disease and type A versus
keep has some clinical basis. Attractor
artificial coloring, preservatives,
from twenty-five percent to.04 percent.3
type B personalities, and of how
patterns tend to dominate any field in
insecticides, and artificial sweeteners, to(Among 61000 patients protected by
suppressed anger results in hypertension
which they are received; thus, all that is
mention a few, make the (176) body go
high-dosage vitamin therapy, only thirty-
and strokes. The presumption has been
really necessary is to expose oneself to a
weak, whereas substances which are
seven patients, rather than the predicted
that emotions af fect hormonal change
high ener gy field and one's inner pure, or ganic or made by human hands
nearly 20,000, developed the disorder.) 4
through neurotransmitter variations in
attitudes will spontaneously begin to
tend to make us go strong, If we
But the paper was lar gely ignored in the
dif ferent areas of the brain associated
change. This is a phenomenon well
experiment with vitamin C, for example,
United States because there was still no
with controlling dif ferent or gans by way
known among self-help groups-as we find that or ganic vitamin C is farparadigm to give it credibility. The
of the autonomic nervous system. reflected in the saying, "Just bring the
superior to chemically produced vitamin
medical profession has simply been
(180) In more recent years concern over the
body to the meeting." If you merely
C; one makes you go strong and the other
uninterested in nutrition, (177)
and
spread of AIDS has given great impetus
85
86
to research on the body's immune system. can be demonstrated in seconds to
flows to the various body or gans. The
convinced that he will die during the
Generally, it appears that that which is
anyone's satisfaction-as we know, if you
subtle field of overall physiology is
sur gery because not infrequently suchexperienced as stress results in hold a particular negative thought in
af fected in all of its complex functions,
patients do just that. suppression of the thymus gland; with
mind, a very specific muscle will go
mediated by electron transfer, neural
It is said in Alcoholics Anonymous that
this the body's defenses are impaired. But
weak; if you replace the thought with a
hormonal balance, nutritional status, etc. there is no recovery until the subject
the various research approaches to this
positive idea the same muscle will
Eventually, an accumulation of experiences an essential change of
topic fail to examine the relationship
instantly go strong.3 The connection
infinitesimal changes becomes
personality.6 This is the basic change first
between belief systems and attitudes and
between mind and body is immediate, so
discernible through measurement manifested by AA founder Bill W, a
the resultant context of perception, whichthe body's responses shift and change (181)
techniques such as electron microscopy,
profound transformation in total belief
determines the nature of individual from instant to instant in response to
magnetic imaging or x-ray or system with a sudden leap in
experience. The etiology of stress is
one's train of thought and its associated
biochemical analysis. But by the time
consciousness.7 Such a major
always related to the or ganism's emotions. these changes are detectable, the disease
metamorphosis in attitude was first
proclivity to respond to stimuli in W e have referred to the law of
sensitive process is already well advanced in its
formally studied by the psychiatrist
specific and characteristic patterns. dependence on initial conditions,
own self perpetuating resonances. Harry T iebout, M.D., of Greenwich,
Drawing on what we already know from
drawing from the science of nonlinear
W e could say that the invisible universe
Connecticut, treating a hopeless alcoholic
the mathematics of nonlinear dynamicsdynamics and its mathematics.4 W e will
of thought and attitude becomes visible
woman named Marty Mann, the first
and attractor research, as clinically recall that this describes the manner
in as a consequence of the body's habit- (182)
woman in AA. She underwent a sudden
confirmed by kinesiology and which a minuscule variation in a pattern
ual response. If we consider the millions
change of personality to a degree
acupuncture, we can derive a formulation
of inputs can result in a very significant
of thoughts that go through the mind
unaccountable through any known
of the basic nature of the disease process
change in the eventual output. This is
continuously, it is not surprising that the
therapeutic method. T iebout documented
itself. because the repetition of a slight
body's condition could radically change
that she was transformed from an angry,
An idea or constellation of thoughtsvariation over time results in a
to reflect prevailing thought patterns, as
self-pitying, intolerant and egocentric
presents itself in consciousness as an
progressive change of pattern or,
modified by genetic and environmental
posture to a kind and gentle one,
attitude which tends to persist over time. sometimes, in a leap to a new harmonic
factors.5 It is the persistence and for giving and loving. Her example is
This attitude is associated with an
when the increment increases
repetition of the stimulus which, through
important because it so clearly
attractor ener gy field of corresponding
logarithmically. The ef fect of the minute
the law of sensitive dependence on initial
demonstrates this key element in
power or weakness. The result is a
variation becomes amplified until it
conditions, results in the observable
recovery from any progressive orperception of the world creating events
eventually af fects the whole system and
disease process. The stimulus that sets
hopeless (183) disease. T iebout wrote the
appropriate to trigger the specific an entire new ener gy pattern evolves,
of f the process may be so minute that it
first of a series of papers on this
emotion. All attitudes, thoughts and
which itself may, by the same process,
escapes detection. itself. observation under the title "The Power of
beliefs are also connected with various
then result in a further variation, and so
If this scheme of disease formation is
Surrender. "8
pathways, called "meridians" of ener gy,
on. correct, then all disease should be
In every studied case of recovery from
to all of the body's or gans. Through
In the world of physics this process is
reversible by changing thought patternshopeless and untreatable disease there
kinesiologic testing it can be called "turbulence" and is the subject of and
habitual responses. In fact, has been this major shift in
demonstrated that specific acupuncture
an enormous amount of research,
spontaneous recoveries from every consciousness, so that the attractor
points are linked with specific attitudes,
especially in the field of aerodynamics,
disease known to mankind have been
patterns that resulted in the pathologic
and the meridian, in turn, serves as the
in a combined focus of physics and
recorded throughout history. (This process no longer dominated. The
steps ener gy channel to specific muscles and
mathematics. Such turbulence, when it
phenomenon was the subject of ABC
necessary for recovery from such grave
body or gans.' These specific meridians
occurs in the attractor ener gy fields of
T elevision's 20/20 on April 8, 1994.) illness were formalized by the first 100
have been traditionally named according
consciousness, creates an emotionalT raditional medicine has documented
alcoholics who recovered; these became
to the or gans that they ener gize, i.e., the
upset which continues until a new level
spontaneous "cures," but has never had
the well known twelve steps suggested
heart meridian, gallbladder meridian,
of homeostasis is established. the conceptual tools with which to
by AA and all the twelve-step recovery
etc.2
When the mind is dominated by a
investigate the phenomenon. But even
groups that have followed.9 The fact that
There is


. Zen Bud dhisrn has left lasting tnarks on China, especia lly in
the notions of con1passion and reincarnation. The relig iously eclec
tic Chinese tend to tnix and n1atch selected beliefs, whether they
call thernselves Buddhi sts, Taoists, Muslitns, Christians, or even
agnostics. Most acknowledge a supretne intclligence-n1orality
they tcnn.. heaven," which is a concept of God. Individuals are
guided not so n1uch by the fear of fire and britnstone as by their
own conscience. The Chinese do not conceiv e of original sin and
venerate no itnplacable gods. During the Tang dynasty (61 8-907), often recognized as the
golden age of China, Taoism was made a state religion. The two
pronged pursuit of in1mortality through alchemy and sexual union
was at a zenith. This was the heyday of ancient Chinese sexology. TANTRISM
Probably around the end of the sev enth century, according to
Joseph Needhan1, R. H. Van Gulik, and other Western Sinolo
gists, Taoist sexual theory was introduced to India. Within a sin
gle century Tantrism emerged there. Indian Buddhism, which
previously had espoused the elimination of all human desires,
had a new school, Vajrayana, which preached that salvation could
be attained through ritual sexual intercourse. The Vajrayana scrip
tures indicate that an Indian holy man was taught this when he
visited China. Soon a Hindu sect, Saiva Sakta, appeared, with a nearly iden
tical sexual doctrine for salvation. The beliefs and practices of
both sects arc called loosely Tantristn. Today, the writhing cou
ples carved on the temples of Khajuraho and Konarak ar c a solid
testimony to Indian Tantrisn1. Vajrayana Buddhistn, which con1-
17 THE SE NS UA L LA NDSCA PE
18 bined with folk religion to form Lamaism in Tibet, Nepal, and
Mongolia, died out in India. Saiva Sakta Tantrism still exists
there. In the first half of the eighth century, Tantric missionaries
from India journeyed to China, where the Tang Chinese, who had
been cheerfully practicing their own Taoist sexual exercises, in
corporated mystical Tantric features into their sex classics. A prin
cipal belief the Chinese adopted was that semen undischarged in
the practice of nonejaculation could "return" to the body's reser
voir of life and sexual energy, via a point in the brain. Whether as
a result of Tantric feedback or not, Taoist sexual classics became
increasingly mystical and obsessed with the idea of nonejacula
tion, especially in the fifteenth and sixteenth centuries. CoNFUCIANISM AD APTS
Drastic changes in religion and philosophy came during the Sung
and Southern Sung dynasty (960-1280). To compete with Taoism
and Buddhism, Confucianists adopted many elements of these
other two systems. The revised ideology, known as nco
Confucianism, incorporated the Taoist theory of Yin and Yang
and some Buddhist cosmology. It touched on metaphysics and the
supernatural, subjects not found in the original teachings of Con
fucius. I Chitz,g, considered a Confucian classic but neither written
nor edited by Confucius, became the bible of neo-Confucianists,
even though it was based on Taoist thinking. While strategically incorporating Taoist and Buddhist fea
tures, the neo-Confucianists went further than Confucius hinl
self in exagger ating loyalty to the en1peror and sexual propriety. They insisted on separation of sexes, even within the fa1nily. Chi
nese en1perors gladly seized neo-Conf\.tcianisnl as an ideological
justificat ion for their author itarian rule. They were likely to
frown on pure Taoistn: the frcedon1-loving, iconoclastic Taoists,
unlike the Con fucian contonnists, had been the fountain head of
nuny a bloody rebellion. A UNIQUE SOCIETY
The civilization of this ancient en1pire, having developed in vir
tual isolation for centuries, was in nuny aspects antitht'tical to that of the West. l)f course. it is intpossibk· to �t·ncralizt· on tht·
cornplexities and parado xes of China. \vhich t•vcry once in a
while \vould spring a surpri st• to tht· rt·st of the world. China en
joyed long ct•nturit•s of peace and prosper ity. and despite intcr
rnittent periods of tunnoil and viokncc it rentaint·d t:tirly stable. This stability was due to the powt·rful influt·nce of its three rnain
schools of thought. as \Veil as to its solidly entrenched social and
political structur es. For several thousand yea rs the country was fed by a vast popu
lation of farn1ers. and rule d by an entpcror through the ntan
darins. high-ranking otl lcials chosen at con1petitive imperial
exan1inations. The scholars who wrote the most erudit e essays. cornposed the n1ost sensitive poetry. and rendered the n1ost aes
thetic calligraphy or painting becan1e mandar ins. While dynasties
rose and fell. and empe rors can1e and went, the n1andarin bu
reaucracy endur ed. In effect, China was ruled for many centuries
b.. h d" y egg ea governments. At the top of Chinese society were mandar ins, scholars, po
ets, calligraphers, painters, and master chefs. All Chinese, includ
ing illiterate peasants, revered them. Farmers who tilled the land
were respected. at least in an abstract sense. No Chinese, whether
prince or peasant. would leave even a single grain of rice in his
bowl uneaten: rice symbo lized the back-breaking labor of the
peasants, and wasting it was a moral sin. Next down the social ladder were traders, merchants, and
craftsmen. The business of making money, though respectable,
was not consider ed a noble pursuit. If a businessman was lucky
enough to make a fortune, he was never accepted into the elite. Only his offspring could rise socially-and then only if they be
came scholars. When a man became suddenly wealthy, his pri
ority was to engage tutors to teach his children poetry,
calligraphy, and painting. Because of the strong Confucian influence, the Chinese al
ways have valued harmony and disdained contention. Even an ag
gressiv e person in an adversarial situation would disguise himself
in a cloak of harm ony. Disputes were settled usually through me
diation rather than lawsuits. In son1e eras, in fact, lawyers were
grouped socially just above prostitutes. The monolithic Confucian fan1ily systetn n1ade filial piety the
highest moral; the n1istreatmcnt of parents was the greatest sin. Tlrl' J\.-latin.'!,�f Yirr arrd Yau.� THE SEN SUAL LAND SCAPE
20 Young children were pan1pered, but as soon as they reached the
age of reasoning, they were taught self-discipline. The family in
stitution was formidable; divorce was rare, and even a man's mis
tress was integrated into his family as a concubine. Significant
milestones-births an d major birthda ys, weddings, deaths
were celebrated with colorful, elaborate ceren1onies. Confucianism, with its strong family values, did not exist
alone, as we have seen. Buddhism contributed the conce pt of re
incarnation and the practice of anonymous charity to accumulate
merits in heaven. Taoism made the Chinese toler ant of others and
eclectic in their philosophy of life. THE FALL OF AN EMPIRE
The reverence for scholarship became so strong in China that
eventually it backfired. By the middle of the eighteenth century,
the long, relentless emphasis on belles lettres had left a mark of
effeteness on the culture. The brightest minds scorned science
and technology as inelegant "petty skills." Scholars looked down
on physical activity and labor, comfortable in their silk robes with
long, loose sleeves, and at times growing their fingernails several
inches, to show that their activities were exclusively inside the
head. Corruption in government was facilitated under inept mon
archs and the powerful, schen1ing eunuchs in their courts. Be
tween 174 I and 1 8 5 I the population of China n1ore than tripled
from 140 n1illion to 430 million. The cause of this explosion has
puzzled historians, yet its effects on a nation with lin1ited arable
land arc undeniable: seemingly insoluble econ


us of Santa Fe had been pretty liberal, but I had no
idea how things were at the  new campus with Alan as
president. The program director began by asking me
what I would like to teach. I  figured I was supposed to
give an honest answer. I tol d her I would like to teach
what I had been learning about that voice inside your
head. I wanted students to understand that they don’t
have to listen to that incess ant chatter; they have the
freedom to come from a much deeper place inside
themselves. I also told her that I would like to teach
students that they are sitting on a tiny planet spinning
through space, and they should be enjoying the journey. To my amazem ent, her response was to say that the only
course available that could allow such a curriculum was
an entry-level  social science class. The course was
required for all freshmen, and a teacher was still needed
for one-third of the classes. She explained that teaching
those classes would amount to a half-time position at the
college. I accepted the positio n, and she scheduled me to
teach my first class in Septem ber when the new campus
officially opened.What a  flow of events! First life tells me to go to
California for the summer; n ow she’s telling me what to
do w hen I com e back. It was all unfoldi ng by itself. I was
just along for the ride. I really had no idea what I was
going to teach in that class co me September. I had never
taught what I’d been learning to anyone, let alone a
whole class. My personal self began feeling insecure
about the whole thing. To stra ighten him out, I laid down
the gro und rules: there would not be a single thought
about the classes or what would be taught in them until it
was time to enter the classroom. I intended to walk into
the first class w ith a completely empty mind. I wanted it
to b e like the  time I wrote that paper completely by
inspiration. We’ll just go into the class and see what
comes out. With th ese int rusions from the outside world starting
to st eal small c hunks of my time, I all the more cherished
being alone on my land. Nev ertheless, people had a way
of findi ng me, despite my best efforts to protect my
solitude. So it was with Sand y Boone, a woman who was
into Buddhist meditation and  spending time outdoors. I
don’t recall where she cam e from, but one day she
showed up and started taking  walks on my property. She
was car eful to respect my pri vacy; she just wanted to be
in nature and m editate outdoors. That was okay until she
asked i f she could pitch her tent at the far end of the
property to do some meditation. I didn’t want to allow
that, but who was I to stop someone from meditating? Eventually she got bold enough to ask if she could join
me for meditation on Sunday mornings, just for an hour. I clearl y remem ber granting her request solely because
the voice in my head was so resistant to it. In time, Sandy began to brin g a few friends with her
for the Sunday morning meditations. At first it was three,
then six, then ten. I didn’t like that at all, but I had no
right to stop it. I often just stayed in meditation upstairs
while my guests met downstairs. Thus the notion ofSunday morni ng services at Mickey’s started in the
spring of 1972—a tradition that has continued every
Sunday for over forty years. Meanwhile, su mmer was approaching, and it was time
to begin  preparing for my tr ip to California. I figured I
would camp in my van at the spiritual community for
three or  four weeks and then come back home in time for
classes. The drive out there  took me about ten days
because I continued all my meditation sessions along the
way. W hen I arrived at the community, I found a very
rural setting with a large expanse of land and many
small, rustic cabins. The peop le seemed like back-to-the-
earth-type folk s, and I fit right in. During registration, I
noticed special name tags for guests who wanted to
practice silence. I had no interest in meeting people or
making new friends—that would just be a distraction to
my inner work. So I decided t o use the trip to step up my
practices to an even stricter le vel: I would remain in total
silence during my visit. There were no available c ampgrounds near their
temple area, so I simply par ked my van in the nearest
dirt parking lot. That is wh ere I would live for a few
weeks. After getting situated, I began doing my afternoon
yoga and meditation session in their temple. Though I
was accustomed to being alone, I immediately realized
that I would be fine here for a while. These people
understood what I was into and would leave me to my
practices. I continued fasting three times a week, and
when I ate my salad, I always  sat alone. I was not exactly
the soci al type, but I did attend evening meditation and
chanting progr ams in the tem ple. In fact, that was where
I w as first expo sed to Eastern chanting. Because I was in
silence I didn’t chant, but I c ould feel the upliftment of
the energy in the room. I wo uld have g one on like that during my entire stay—
if it were not f or a dream I had. I hardly ever dreamed,
and wh en I did, the dreams d idn’t seem to have any deepsignificance. One night I had a phenomenal, lucid dream
that had a pro found effect on me. I dreamed that I was
doing intense ly focused Zen walking. I was very
consciously placing one foot  in front of the other as I
slowly h eaded toward the mouth of a cave. I entered the
cave without incident and proceeded into the darkness
that stretched before me. When it became very dark, I
picked up a wooden torch m ounted on the side of the
cave. I lit it and continued as before. I noticed that the air
was get ting thinner and thinner the deeper I went into
the cave. There was an almost frighteningly strong sense
of purp ose: I was going to explore deep into this
unknown cave  until I found what I was looking for. Nothing was going to stop me. I be gan to see a faint light far  off in the distance. Not a
single thought passed through my mind, yet I intuitively
knew that was where I was  going. As I approached, I
could see that the light was coming from above and
shining down into the cave. The closer I got to the source
of the light, th e thinner the air became. I could hardly
breathe. But I kept on going. The experience was similar
to what had been happening in my practices. In my
meditations, the deeper I went, the more my breath
would slow down—until, eventually, it would naturally
stop flo wing. I  don’t know ho w long I would stay in that
breathless state, but I would come back and gasp for air. At som e point, my walk thro ugh this cave felt just like
that stage of my meditations. I w as almost t here. I could s ee the streaming rays of
light pouring onto the cave floor just in front of me. I felt
as though I wo uld collapse from the lack of oxygen, but I
found t he will to take that fin al step into the light. In an
instant, I was completely bathed in a flood of blinding
light. I turned  upward to cl imb into the light, but my
hands h it a metal grate on the  roof of the cave. There was
no way out from here.Not a thought entered my m ind. Not a sigh left my
lips. Wi th the same steely se nse of purpose that had led
me into  this cave, I turned and began to walk back out. There was simply the knowing—I would have to find
another way.1 8. L e t t i n g  G o  o f  t h e  R o p e
I  aw oke from t hat dream a changed person. My way of
thinking had been transformed at a very profound level. For the  first time, I questioned whether more and more
discipline was going to take me where I so desperately
wanted to go. Sitting alone in my van that morning, I
knew th e answer was no. My  path to true freedom was
subtler than simply requiring a tighter grip. Something much wiser than me had reached into my
psyche that night and rearranged my entire relationship
with myself. I no longer saw the lower aspect of myself,
with all his personal issues and melodramas, as the
enemy that had to be destro yed. I looked at him now
with a new understanding. I needed to use all these
disturbed personal energies for my ascent. It was
perfectly clear to me that sin ce he was the problem, he
was also the solution. I actually felt a tinge of compassion
toward that struggling person


 to begin with, to involve some effort or practice. In this case, we may ask ourself a question such as, ‘Who am I really?’,
‘What is it that knows or is aware of my experience?’, ‘What is the continu -
ous element in all changing experience?’ or ‘What is it that cannot be removed
or separated from me?’
     Each of these is a variation of the same question, what I call the ‘sacred
question’, whose purpose is to gently invite our attention away from its ob -
jective content and back to our self, the presence of awareness. That is the
essence of self-enquiry. As an alternative to this line of questioning, we may also reason that no -
thing that appears and disappears in our experience could be essential to us. Only the fact of being aware remains consistently present, and therefore only
the fact of being aware qualifies as our essential self. For a while, the pull of objective experience may be so strong that it only
seems possible to remain knowingly the presence of awareness for brief
periods, and questions or lines of reasoning such as these may need to be re -
peated. However, every time we return to awareness, we are eroding the old
25you are the happiness you seek
habit of losing ourself in the content of experience and, although we may
not realise it to begin with, establishing ourself in our true nature. In time, it becomes so natural to understand and feel ourself as the pres -
ence of awareness that it no longer needs to be maintained by effort or prac -
tice, nor does it need to be initiated by a question or a line of reasoning. Just as previously we did not need to remind ourself continually that we
were a man or a woman, because it was simply our default identity, so now
it is no longer necessary to remind ourself, or make the effort, to be know -
ingly the presence of awareness. It simply becomes our new identity. There
may still be moments of forgetting, but these occur less frequently and en -
dure for less time. Somebody once asked the Indian sage Atmananda Krishna Menon how
one knows when one is established in one’s true nature and he replied, ‘When
thoughts, feelings, sensations and perceptions can no longer take you away
from your self’. As the content of our experience gradually loses its capacity to take us
away from our self, it is no longer necessary to turn away from it. We remain
knowingly the presence of awareness both in formal periods of meditation,
when we withdraw our attention from the content of experience, and during
everyday life, in the midst of experience. The dilemma of attention is resolved. The conflict between awareness
and experience diminishes. Experience becomes increasingly transparent to
the presence of awareness and we find ourself at home everywhere. 26chapter four
The Art of Self-Enquiry
Of all the koans,  ‘I’ is the most profound. ikkyu

Can you give an example of self-enquiry in action? I remember a young man who attended one of my retreats several years ago. His face bore the marks of a lifetime of suffering. During the retreat I could
feel his resistance wanting to formulate itself as a question, and a few days
before the end he challenged my suggestion that his nature is inherently peace -
ful: ‘If my essential nature is freedom, peace and happiness, why do I suffer
so much of the time?’
     I suggested that it was simply because he had lost himself in, or identified
himself with, the content of his experience. ‘But my experience is so intense
and overwhelming much of the time’, he replied, ‘that I don’t know how to
disidentify  myself from it’. ‘It would only be necessary to disidentify yourself from the content of
experience’, I suggested, ‘if you were identical to it in the first place. ‘Does the space in a room have to work hard not to identify itself with
the four walls of the room, or to let go of all the objects or people as they
leave the room? It would only have to do so if it were attached to them in the
first place. The space of the room is already and inherently free and at rest. ‘You are like that’, I suggested. ‘You only need recognise yourself as such.’
     ‘So what’s keeping me from doing that?’ he asked. ‘Just an old, conditioned habit’, I replied. ‘Our culture has educated us
to believe certain things about ourselves from an early age and we do so with -
out question. This may work, more or less, for a while, but sooner or later
the suffering that inevitably attends these assumptions compels us to ques -
tion them. The primary assumption is that our essential self or being is con -
ditioned by, and limited to, the content of experience.’  you are the happiness you seek
     After giving the young man a moment to take this in, I asked him to tell
us about his self. ‘When I first arrived at this retreat…’ he began. I stopped him. ‘You are describing a memory. We want to know about
your self.’
     ‘I feel like I’m destined to suffer all my life’, he said, with an air of resig -
nation. ‘Now you are telling us about a feeling, not about your self. Your feelings
appear to you, they arise within you, they may linger for some time and they
may be familiar and repetitive, but sooner or later they vanish. When you
say “I feel”, tell us about the one you refer to as “I”, not about what you feel.’
     ‘I think it’s –’
     ‘Don’t tell us about your thoughts!’ I interrupted, to keep him from tak -
ing another step in the wrong direction. ‘T ell us about the “I” to whom your
thoughts appear.’
     ‘I…’ There was a long silence. ‘Perfect!’ I said quietly. Although reluctant to disturb the silence, I did so
because I sensed thought beginning to take over again. ‘You have the undeni -
able sense of simply being. “I” is the name you give to that being. T ell us more.’
     ‘I am…’ Another long silence followed. By this stage the man’s eyes were
closed and I could see that the tension on his face had already diminished. I could tell how sincerely and intently he was participating in our con -
versation. He was giving his attention exclusively to his self, to the fact of
simply being, before it was qualified in any way by his experience. There was
no struggle with the content of experience; he had simply become more in -
terested in the nature of his self. It was clear that it was no longer necessary to guide him through a series
of questions, nor even to interpret his experience. One could have heard a
pin drop in the room of two hundred people. I could feel that we were all
sharing the same experience, participating in the experience of simply
being. He opened his eyes and, with a broad smile, asked, ‘Is it that simple?’
But his rhetorical question required no response. His experience was its own
evidence. 28the art of self-enquiry
tracing our way back to our self

Later in the day the man asked, ‘But what if all the old suffering comes back?’
     ‘It probably will’, I admitted, ‘through force of habit. A glimpse of our
true nature doesn’t erase years of conditioning. In almost all cases, the old
conditioning will return. ‘But whenever it does, all that is necessary is to trace your way back to
your essential being as you just have, and rest there, as that. Every time you
do so you are weakening the old habit of becoming lost in or identified with
the content of your experience, and instead are becoming established in your
true nature of peace.’
     We didn’t speak again for a day or so, but I noticed that whereas pre -
viously he had kept himself apart from the group, he was now talking en -
thusiastically with other attendees and participating in shared activities, such
as meals and afternoon walks in the countryside. On the last day he was
eager to ask another question. ‘I understood when you suggested all I had to do was trace my way back
to my true nature and rest there. So I kept doing that, but after a while I no -
ticed that I couldn’t find that self who was tracing its way back to my true
nature. There’s just me, that peaceful presence. Does that make sense?’
     ‘It does make sense’, I replied, and explained to him that the suggestion
to trace one’s way back to one’s true nature and rest there, as that, is a com -
passionate concession that is given to one who believes and feels that they
are a suffering self. ‘If I had suggested to you a couple of days ago’, I said, ‘that the self on
whose behalf your suffering arises is an illusion and, therefore, by implica -
tion, that your suffering itself is an illusion, I suspect that you would have
been frustrated. Another layer of resistance would have been added to your
current experience of suffering, simply compounding it. ‘So I gave the apparently suffering self something to do: trace your way
back to your self, and remain resting in your being at all times. Having tried
this only a few times, you brought yourself to the understanding that you
are always and already the inherently peaceful and unconditionally fulfilled
presence of awareness. It is not something you become through effort or
practice. You simply recognise it is what you


32
	In	2002,	physician
services	and	hospital	care	for	heart	disease	patients	cost	$78.1	billion	(that
does	not	include	drug	costs,	home	health	care	or	nursing	home	care). 2
	The
angioplasty	procedure	alone	costs	$31,000,	and	bypass	surgery	costs
$46,000. 32
	In	marked	contrast,	the	year-long	lifestyle	intervention	program
only	costs	$7,000. By	comparing	the	patients	who	underwent	the	lifestyle
program	with	those	patients	who	underwent	the	traditional	route	of	surgery,
Dr.	Ornish	and	his	colleagues	demonstrated	that	the	lifestyle	intervention
program	cut	costs	by	an	average	of	$30,000	per	patient. 32
Much	work	remains	to	be	done. The	health	care	establishment	is
structured	to	profit	from	chemical	and	surgical	intervention. Diet	still	takes
the	back	seat	to	drugs	and	surgery. One	criticism	that	is	constantly	leveled	at
the	dietary	argument	is	that	patients	will	not	make	such	fundamental	changes. One	doctor	charges	that	Dr.	Esselstyn’s	patients	change	their	eating	habits
simply	because	of	Esselstyn’s	“zealous	belief.”
47
	This	criticism	is	not	only
wrong	and	insulting	to	patients;	it	is	also	self-fulfilling. If	doctors	do	not
believe	that	patients	will	change	their	diets,	they	will	neglect	to	talk	aboutdiet,	or	will	do	it	in	an	off-handed,	disparaging	way. There	is	no	greater
disrespect	a	doctor	can	show	patients	than	that	of	withholding	potentially
lifesaving	information	based	on	the	assumption	that	patients	do	not	want	to
change	their	lifestyle. Well-meaning	institutions	are	not	exempt	from	such	closed-mindedness. The	American	Heart	Association	recommends	a	diet	for	heart	disease	that
favors	moderation,	rather	than	scientific	truth. The	National	Cholesterol
Education	Program	does	the	same	thing. These	organizations
pitch	moderate
diets	with	trivial	changes	as	being	healthy	lifestyle	“goals.”	If	you	are	at	high
risk	for	heart	disease,	or	if	you	already	have	the	disease,	they	recommend	that
you	adopt	a	diet	containing	30%	of	total	calories	as	fat	(7%	of	total	calories	as
saturated	fat)	and	less	than	200	mg/day	of	dietary	cholesterol. 48,	49
	According
to	them,	we	should	also	keep	our	total	blood	cholesterol	level	under	the
“desirable”	level	of	200	mg/dL. 49
These	venerable	organizations	are	not	giving	the	American	public	the	most
up-to-date	scientific	information. While	we	are	told	that	a	total	blood
cholesterol	level	of	200	mg/dL	is	“desirable,”
we	know	that	35%	of	heart
attacks	strike	Americans	who	have	cholesterol	levels	between	150	and	200
mg/dL
50
	(a	truly	safe	cholesterol	level	is	under	150	mg/dL). We	also	know
that	the	most	aggressive	reversal	of	heart	disease	ever	demonstrated	occurred
when	fat	was	about	10%	of	total	calorie	intake. Studies	have	clearly
demonstrated	that	many	patients	who	follow	the	more	moderate	government
recommended	diets	see	a
progression	of	heart	disease
. 51
	The	innocent	victims
are	health-conscious	Americans	who	follow	these	recommendations,	keeping
their	total	cholesterol	around	180	or	190	mg/dL,	only	to	be	rewarded	with	a
heart	attack	leading	to	a	premature	death. To	top	it	off,	the	National	Cholesterol	Education	Program	dangerously
writes,	“Lifestyle	changes	are	the	most	cost-effective	means	to	reduce	risk	for
CHD	[coronary	heart	disease]. Even	so,	to	achieve	maximal	benefit,	many
persons	will	require	LDL	[cholesterol]-lowering	drugs.”
49
	No	wonder
America’s	health	is	failing. The	dietary	recommendations	for	the	most
diseased	hearts	among	us,	given	by	supposedly	reputable	institutions,	are
severely	watered	down	and	followed	by	the	caveat	that	we’ll	probably	need	a
lifetime	of	drugs	anyway. Our	leading	organizations	fear	that	if	they	advocate	more	than	modest
changes,	no	one	will	listen	to	them. But	the	establishment-recommended	diets
are	not	nearly	as	healthy	as	the	diets	espoused	by	Drs. Esselstyn	and	Ornish. The	fact	is	that	a	blood	cholesterol	level	of	200	mg/dL	is	not	safe,	a	30%	fat
diet	is	not	“low-fat,”	and	eating	foods	containing	any	cholesterol	above	0	mgis	unhealthy. Our	health	institutions	are	intentionally	misleading	the	public
about	heart	disease,	all	in	the	name	of	“moderation.”
Whether	scientists,	doctors	and	policy	makers	think	the	public	will	change
or	not,	the	layperson	must	be	aware	that	a	whole	foods,	plant-based	diet	is	far
and	away	the	healthiest	diet. In	the	seminal	paper	regarding	the	landmark
Lifestyle	Heart	Trial,	the	authors,	Dr.	Ornish	and
his	scientific	colleagues,
write,	“
The	point	of	our	study	was	to	determine	what	is	true,	not	what	is
practicable
	[my	emphasis],”
46
We	now	know	what	is	true:	a	whole	foods,	plant-based	diet	can	prevent
and	treat	heart	disease,	saving	hundreds	of	thousands	of	Americans	every
year. Dr.	William	Castelli,	the	long-time	director	of	the	Framingham	Heart
Study,	a	cornerstone	of	heart	disease	research,	espouses	a	whole	foods,	plant-
based	diet. Dr.	Esselstyn,	who	has	demonstrated	the	most	significant	reversal	of	heart
disease	in	all	of	medical	history,	espouses	a	whole	foods,	plant-based	diet. Dr.	Ornish,	who	has	pioneered	reversal	of	heart	disease	without	drugs	or
surgery	and	proved	widespread	economic	benefit	for	patients	and	insurance
providers,	espouses	a	whole	foods,	plant-based	diet. Now	is	a	time	of	great	hope	and	challenge,	a	time	when	people	can	control
their	health. One	of	the	best	and	most	caring	doctors	I	have	ever	met	puts	it
best:
The	collective	conscience	and	will	of	our	profession	is	being	tested	as	never
before. Now	is	the	time	for	us	to	have	the	courage	for	legendary	work. —	Dr.	Caldwell	B.	Esselstyn,	Jr.
86
Obesity
P
ERHAPS	YOU’VE	HEARD	THE	NEWS. Perhaps	you’ve	caught	a	glimpse	of	the	staggering	statistics	on	obesity
among	Americans. Perhaps	you’ve	simply	noticed	that,	compared	to	a	few	years	ago,	more
people	at	the	grocery	store	are	overweight. Perhaps	you’ve	been	in	classrooms,	on	playgrounds	or	at	day	care	centers
and	noticed	how	many	kids	are	already	crippled	with	a	weight	problem	and
can’t	run	twenty	feet	without	getting	winded. Our	struggle	with	weight	is	hard	to	miss	these	days. Open	a	newspaper	or
a	magazine,	or	turn	on	the	radio	or	TV—you	know	that	America	has	a	weight
problem. In	fact,	two	out	of	three	adult	Americans	are	overweight,	and	one-
third	of	the	adult	population	is	obese. Not


 Reps.	Int. 26	(1982):	793–806. 50
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,	pp. 403–434. New	York:	Alan	R.	Liss,	Inc.,	1986. 51
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release	of	prolactin	and	ovarian	steroids	in	female	rats.”
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fish	oil	and	fish	protein	on	the	development	of	L-azaserine-induced
preneoplastic	lesions	in	rat	pancreas.”
J	Natl	Cancer	Inst
	75	(1985):
959–962. 54
. He	Y. Effects	of	carotenoids	and	dietary	carotenoid	extracts	on	aflatoxin
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1
. Li	J-Y,	Liu	B-Q,	Li	G-Y,	et	al. “Atlas	of	cancer	mortality	in	the	People’s
Republic	of	China. An	aid	for	cancer	control	and	research.”
Int. J.	Epid
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. Higginson	J. “Present	trends	in	cancer	epidemiology.”
Proc. Can. Cancer	Conf
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incidence:	an	epidemiologic	exercise.”
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825–832. 4
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avoidable	risks	of	cancer	in	the	Unites	States	today.”
J	Natl	Cancer	Inst
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. Fagin	D.	News	release. “Breast	cancer	cause	still	elusive	study:	no	clear
link	between	pollution,	breast	cancer	on	LI.”	August	6,	2002. Newsday.com. Accessed	 at
http://www.newsday.com/news/local/longisland/ny-
licanc062811887aug06.story?coll=ny%2Dtop%2Dheadlines
6
. There	were	82	mortality	rates,	but	about	a	third	of	these	rates	were
duplicates	of	the	same	disease	for	different	aged	people. 7
. Calorie	intake	in	China	is	for	a	65	kg	adult	male	doing	“light	physical
work.”	Comparable	data	for	the	American	male	is	adjusted	for	a	body
weight	of	65	kg. 8
. SerVaas	C.	“Diets	that	protected	against	cancers	in	China.”
The	Saturday
Evening	Post
	October	1990:	26–28. 9
. All	the	available	disease	mortality	rates	were	arranged	in	a	matrix	so	that
it	was	possible	to	readily	determine	the	relationship	of	each	rate	with
every	other	rate. Each	comparison	was	then	assigned	a	plus	or	minus,
depending	on	whether	they	were	directly	or	inversely	correlated. All	plus
correlations	were	assembled	in	one	list	and	all	minus	correlations	were
assembled	in	a	second	list. Each	individual	entry	in	either	list	was
therefore	positively	related	to	entries	in	its	own	list	but	inversely	related
to	diseases	in	the	opposite	list. Most,	but	not	all,	of	these	correlations
were	statistically	significant. 10
. Campbell	TC,	Chen	J,	Brun	T,	et	al. “China:	from	diseases	of	poverty	to
diseases	of	affluence. Policy	implications	of	the	epidemiological
transition.”
Ecol. Food	Nutr. 27	(1992):	133–144. 11
. Chen	J,	Campbell	TC,	Li	J,	et	al. Diet,	life-style	and	mortality	in	China. A	study	of	the	characteristics	of	65	Chinese	counties
. Oxford,	UK;Ithaca,	NY;	Beijing,	PRC:	Oxford	University	Press;	Cornell	University
Press;	People’s	Medical	Publishing	House,	1990. 12
. Lipid	Research	Clinics	Program	Epidemiology	Committee. “Plasma
lipid	distributions	in	selected	North	American	Population. The	Lipid
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. Campbell	TC,	Parpia	B,	and	Chen	J. “Diet,	lifestyle,	and	the	etiology	of
coronary	artery	disease:	The	Cornell	China	Study.”
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14
. These	data	are	for	villages	SA,	LC	and	RA	for	women	and	SA,	QC	and
NB	for	men,	as	seen	in	the	monograph	(Chen,	et	al. 1990)
15
. Sirtori	CR,	Noseda	G,	and	Descovich	GC. “Studies	on	the	use	of	a
soybean	protein	diet	for	the	management	of	human
hyperlipoproteinemias.”
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	M.	J.	Gibney	and	D.	Kritchevsky	(eds. ),
Current	Topics	in	Nutrition	and	Disease,	Volume	8:	Animal	and
Vegetable	Proteins	in	Lipid	Metabolism	and	Atherosclerosis
.,	pp. 135–
148. New	York,	NY:	Alan	R.	Liss,	Inc.,	1983. 16
. Carroll	KK. “Dietary	proteins	and	amino	acids—their	effects	on
cholesterol	metabolism.”	In:	M.J.	Gibney	and	D.	Kritchevsky	(eds. ),
Animal	and	Vegetable	Proteins	in	Lipid	Metabolism	and	Atherosclerosis
,
pp. 9–17. New	York,	NY:	Alan	R.	Liss,	Inc.,	1983. 17
. Terpstra	AHM,	Hermus	RJJ,	and	West	CE. “Dietary	protein	and
cholesterol	metabolism	in	rabbits	and	rats.”	In:	M.J.	Gibney	and	D.
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and	Athersclerosis
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. Kritchevsky	D,	Tepper	SA,	Czarnecki	SK,	et	al. “Atherogenicity	of
animal	and	vegetable	protein. Influence	of	the	lysine	to	arginine	ratio.”
Atherosclerosis
	41	(1982):	429–431. 19
. Dietary	fat	can	be	expressed	as	percent	of	total	weight	of	the	diet	or	as
percent	of	total	calories. Most	commentators	and	researchers	express	fat
as	percent	of	total	calories	because	we