mental_condition,labels "After 2 decades in therapy and on meds I’ve decided to give up trying any longer. My hope for a better future is 100% gone. Any glimmer of motivation or belief that circumstances will improve is gone. I don’t need any encouragement. Just wanted to speak my truth.",2 "**I am 19 years old and it seems I am in a process of ""late adolescence""** According to my psychologist, Aspergers tend to have a different adolescence process than neurotypicals, which is usually worse. Apparently, the body and hormonal changes occur in the same way as the rest, but the difference is that Aspergers have a delay in emotional development, which causes them to continue doing their ""child routines"" as a defense mechanism. While neurotypicals think about girlfriends or what party they will go to on the weekend, Aspergers think about what time their favorite series begins. Then their process of emotional change occurs between the ages of 18 and 20, it is when they begin to seriously think about what they should have done when they were between 12 and 17 years old. That is why it is difficult for them to pass from adolescence to adult life because there is a break between those years, the distinction is very short and does not give way to a prolonged change but they live it suddenly and that is when everything is it goes to shit. So I am currently living in late adolescence so everything is complicated for me, it does not make sense, why should I worry about living this shit? I'd rather skip it and avoid all that teenage drama that only brings trouble. But according to my psychologist, I must live this stage to pass all the changes correctly, he says that it will be a problem for me because legally I am an adult but I still have to ask my parents for permission if I want to go aside, the lack of experience in all Social realms makes me very naive, so I end up getting into trouble without wanting it. Starting to live this is fucking shit, I wish it would end soon but it seems like it will stay for a while, *so how was your adolescence? what did you do? what did you not do? in what period did you live it? what experiences did you have? how did you act? or if you're going through it, how is it? Any recommendation?*",3 I've been struggling to brush my teeth for so long as I never thought I was gonna make it past 19 and now I'm nearly 20 and I have braces that need to come off too and theyve been starting to hurt so bad but I'm scared since my bill isn't paid off and my teeth and braces are in such bad condition and I don't know what I'm gonna do,2 "Hello, I'm French and this last year was very hard for me. I begun to developp an energy and emotional block around my chest. The only times, this energy and emotional block leaves, is when I meet new people that I'm captivate to talk with ( a surfer, a bodybuilder for example) I don't know why it works when I find this kind of interesting people and talk with them, but after I feel truly "" Alive"" , I feel the rapture of being alive All the energy and emotions moves around my body again , and again I can imagine, feel and see images in my mind. It's hard to multiply this kind of experience with the lockdown. I'm hurt as hell in my chest sometimes, like this energy want to go out, but at the same time, it push inside me. The effect is apathy, I don't feel anything like before, like passion ,excitment etc. , I feel like I'm floating and not root in reality, anchor in reality 7 years ago , an aggression happen to me. So I don't know if it's related. I developped for sure somatic problem the last few years after the aggression, like big itches, big stomach trouble. Bit this year is the worst and I want to do something about it. And heal because I can not function well. I did my first emdr session saturday, I still have the energy and emotion block in my chest. Does emdr works for my kind of trouble ? Is It possible with emdr for me to feel again truly alive ? ( like when I talk with new people really different than me ) Does emdr can break the energy and emotional blockage in my chest ? Sorry I'm French, so I certainly made a lot of mistakes in this text. But Americans people seems to know emdr well, so please help me. I would be grateful to hear your testimony or advices. God bless.",3 "The only resource I have right now is the internet and Reddit but it’s honestly pointless hoping people online can give any positivity or legit answers. I’m way past trying to kill myself at this point all I do is sit and fester with my thoughts and emotions. It affects me physically, some days I get so overwhelmed it feels like my insides are being torn apart and my heart feels like daggers are being shoved through it I don’t mean metaphorically either it legitimately severely hurts when I’m overwhelmed or too depressed now so I feel like I’m being forced to be happy even if that means doing drugs. I’m so goddamn tired yo. I have no motivation to try to get better, when I try to find answers I’m reminded nobody cares and even if they say they do they can’t handle my emotions anyways. I have no release or privacy because I don’t live alone and any attempt I’ve made for 2 years almost to get out of this house keep failing. I can’t do anything right and being talented hasn’t done shit for me. Nothing has. I don’t know why God or the universe won’t just take me out today but at this rate who cares I’ll probably die of a stress induced heart attack or a stroke anyways.",2 "C’mon, man. I’m tired. Stop replaying the damn scenes inside my head now. I’m tired. You’ve done this for decades now. Give me a damn break.",1 "I don’t know exactly when I started doing it, but sometimes if I’m having an abuse-centric nightmare, I’m lucid just enough to start screaming in the nightmare so hard that it jolts me awake. It leaves me pretty triggered for the rest of the day, but also grateful that I was able to wake myself up. Does anyone else experience anything like this?",3 "I have intrusive thoughts about my past mistakes and they make me want to cut myself. Luckily I haven’t cut in years, but the urge to do it when I have intrusive thoughts is very strong.",1 "I thought I could admit my thoughts to her. Thought I can trust her. When we broke up, and yeah I kept annoying her trying to talk and didn't give space but didn't give her the right to post me on Facebook and say I'm a predator and let the world know I've had intrusive thoughts of aweful things. Really painted me to be this monster. And of course people put their 2 sense and judge the fuck out-of me. I'd never act on these thoughts I do not desire them. I thought I could trust her. She deleted the post because my mom's bf spoke to her and she deleted it but still. What the fuck. I fucking already beat myself up over these thoughts and wanted to not exist because of these thoughts. I haven't tried to harm myself but still. I told her I get these thoughts and I showed her this page and videos and I think articles but still. I get left for it? Then put on blast. Wow, really makes me feel better. I hope she sleeps good at night knowing what the fuck she did. With 0 regrets . It feels great .",1 "Just a normal 18 year old. Obese and depressed(i guess). Had a close friend for almost 4.5 years but now he is in a relationship and i guess forgot about me. I was a bright student till midschool but now i am barely passing. Parents have lost all hopes from me. I thought to become a software developer but now don't think i can even get a good college. I have no hopes left. All that is left is fake expressions in front of people. Every night i regret and feel guilty of god knows what. Regret and guilt areclike the only true feelings left. Dont have enough courage or strength to kill myself. Just traped in this worthless life and living without any goal.",2 "Back story: I (20F) have PTSD from child abuse from older women. I constantly live in fear that im going to be hurt again by these same women (especially the ones my dad brings into my life) and am not sure how to live peacefully. Currently, I’m saving up for a car with my retail job to try and get away from the chaos but it’s become a struggle to do things in my day-to-day life. At home, I live in fear. At work, I feel a bit more comfortable since I’m working in customer service; I’m like a different person. I guess the big question is: how can I feel more safe in my environment and stop living in fear of what could be?",3 "I have been dealing with OCD and depression and overall mental illness for years now, but recently I’ve realized how far I’ve overcome anxiety and how much I’ve improved with certain parts of OCD. However, my doctor prescribed me for Prozac (an antidepressant which also helps with ocd and anxiety). So far 3 days in I’ve only felt worse, and just simply taking the pill makes me feel worse and makes me feel like I’m not even myself anymore. The pills and idea of the pills make me question if I’d rather just deal with ocd and depression and not risk losing myself or my emotions through medication. Do the pills really make OCD easy to overcome and help resist the compulsions and intrusive thoughts or is it not worth the risk?",1 "I am a 23 year-old female. Not clinically diagnosed, and I don’t plan on doing it, because I don’t think I need accommodations or resources requiring an official diagnosis, and I don’t want to spend $2000 or possible more. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder a few years back. I believe that was and still is a correct diagnosis, but I know something else is missing here. I have been doing research on Aspergers for a few years now. I’ve done everything from videos, online articles, books created by diagnosed adults to academic research papers. I also looked at ADHD, Borderline, Bipolar, Highly Sensitive Person, or just Sensory Overload on its own, and I strongly resonate with Aspergers symptoms. I am moving to a new city soon and I think starting to tell new ppl I meet about this might be beneficial. Maybe I can be more myself and mask less so I can be less tired all the time. 1. Is this “allowed”? What do those of you who have an official diagnosis think of this? 2. Has anyone done this and how’s life going for you? 3. If you think I should invest in getting a diagnosis, what would I gain from it that I probably don’t know I need yet? Would love to know any of your thoughts, thanks and stay safe everyone 🖤🖤",3 I ended up being so weak from hunger and sleep depravity with a combo of blood pressure meds for my nightmares... it was scary and I felt what I think was my body shut down?. I just feel so pathetic... i had to call my boyfriends brother to help me eat and drink cause I started losing the ability to hear or see. Idk know why I am sharing i just felt the need to.,3 I always have a had time telling people about my struggles with this mental illness because they don’t understand what is like to have these thoughts I remember trying to tell someone about my intrusive thoughts and they just called me gross it kinda makes me sad because I wish they could understand but I know they won’t also some people on this app can be assholes to who like to troll but I guess that come with the territory,1 "TLDR: pills was stoled and I gots beat fors acting like I have ADHD, and I'm mad at hypocrisy and the world... I had a troubled childhood and when the govt people in charge of me had enough they sent me (6yo) to a shrink who prescribed some adderall and Ritalin. I'm just a kid, so I don't think much of it, but it helps. Everyone can tell. Few years go past, govt. gets extended family involved. They're wealthy and uberchristian, so it must be a good fit, right? Well, at 10 they ship me off to BFE, and within a couple months the new relatives decide I don't need pills anymore, cause why should kids get meth? and then for the next two years, they assault, abuse, and one time break bones for acting like the demon child I was/am. Eventually they've had enough cause nothing is working and the govt. gets involved and I get shipped back to where I come from. I'm still not on pills. 20 years go by. I finally get someone to listen, and I get a prescription again. ""Holy shit, where were these my whole life"" type of moment. I feel like I've had 20 years of clarity stolen from me. I'm hella booksmart, but I'm pretty fucking shit at life. 2.5 months. I got a raise twice in two months. I was in HS, and the military and was just a consumate fuckup. College is a pipe dream. 20 fucking years, my dudes. Anyway, I give my doctor all my info and she did some incredibly terrifying deep dive research ( I think she's... *CIA*) And she found out that my prescription was still being filled out the entire time I lived with ""family"" signed and dated and everything black and white. So, I get beat for acting like a shithead, but if you gave me the pills, then I wouldn't act like a shithead.... and unless they were taking them (which I doubt), then they were selling them. Well, his fat ass had a heart attack and died a few years ago, but his wife and kids are still around, and I'm seriously contemplating getting my 20 years back with violence, but then they'd probably get mad and I'd get the chair. So, short of a biblical version of vindication, what are my options? I feel like breaking my ass bone, due to hypocrisy, is warranting something...*Billy Butcher voice*... fuckin' diabolical.",0 "I don’t know if I’m simply burned out because, of school. But I been lacking motivation since the fall. Been feeling I can’t do anything, and whatever I do is not enough. I also get anxious when I’m not distracted by music or a video. So idk what I got myself into. But, it sucks. There’s tons of work that’s needs to be done and I just can’t do them.",2 "Hi all! i have a friend, who suffers with OCD and I really want to help her to the best that I can, and with saying that I want to reassure her but the way I reassure people comes off as repetitive, is there anything that I can say to her and tell her that may reassure her of her intrusive thoughts? I really do want to help her but I just feel really stuck.",1 "Sometimes I forget I have ADHD. That usually happens when I do weird, but harmful things—like forgetting to reply a client email for days. Or seeing the email and just not knowing how to respond. I haven't gotten meds for the past three weeks now, so living has been hell. You'd expect me to reduce my expectations for work and productivity. Did I do that? Nope. Instead I expected myself to ""push through"" and hit the same level of productivity as I did on medication. Yesterday, I thought about it and reminded myself that I have a brain disorder. It means the likelihood of me doing ""weird, but harmful"" things is dramatically increased. It also means I need to be kinder to myself as I try to work with faulty brain chemicals. I guess this goes out to others: ADHD is a mental illness, not a character flaw. I'm not saying we need to blame our ADHD for everything. However, we can at least be less self-critical and appreciate ourselves for the effort we're making to lead better lives.",0 "DISCLAIMER: I am NOT in any way promoting the use of any drugs in this post. I have Asperger's and I have used marijuana twice and both times I had terrible panic attacks because of it. I have read that people with Autism usually have more intense reactions to marijuana but I had auditory hallucinations and could not think at all and almost literally became comatose for two hours while awake. I'm here wondering if any of you have had similar reactions to this drug.",3 "Hey first thing I guess I need to say is TW and second I’m not too familiar with what PTSD is and if it fits my situation but just wondering if I need to look into it? I’m 20M At a young age I was abused physically by my dad up to age 10 or so then he went to jail when he finally got in trouble (well a little trouble) by children’s services. To keep a long kinda gross story short as possible I had to move in with an uncle along with my mom and was sexually abused pretty much daily for a number of years (till I was 17) I am 20 now and dealing with a lot of the physical things it caused, I had a few broken bones that were never treated and have to have surgery on my arm. Also because I did not eat a lot it caused a stunted development so I’m im also seeing a endocrinologist to help with that. Is PTSD something that develops from a relatively fast traumatic experience or can it develop over an event that lasted most of your life? Like I feel happy and rarely get depressed but at times I have some anxiety that one of them will locate me. I left my home at 17 and keep very little contact with my mom, who is not going to get mother if the year anytime soon. I also stay off social media (not counting Reddit) for fear of being found. Should I seek out some kind of PTSD consoling or is there an area that would be better equipped? I have days I feel like I’m a mess but generally I’m okay. But this is a dark secret for me and have not told anyone about the sexual abuse and few know about the physical abuse. Thanks so much and thanks for sharing your experiences it has helped me a lot!",3 I know this probably isn't normal but when I was 6 I was diagnosed with ASD and I never have liked the feeling of body hair pressed on my clothing and shave a lot to get rid of it do they have something for this and does anyone else have this issue I don't want to be rude I know it's different for everyone and it's not an issuse just can't think of a better word right now just wanted to see if anyone was the same way and does anybody else just talk about something they enjoy and people always tell you to stop talking because you go on and on and on I don't mean to it's just very interesting to me.,3 My OCD is breaking me right now. I cant stop thinking about stuff from the past and ruminating over it. I confessed some of it to my parents but the cycle isnt ending. Please help me.,1 "Hi, sorry of this isnt the right place to post this but im at the end of the road. Late diagnosis at uni and have spent the rest of the time trying to make sense of what it means. I have lived 43 years with this and have never taken any meds. Has anyone else started taking meds and how did it affect you? Was there a type that you could take for a flareup? I did the same thing with sleeping tablets over 3 months or so and that worked really well. Haven't needed them in about a year. Im not wanting to take them but at the moment im failing to keep control of my temper. Ive ended up holding a hot spoon on my arm it stop the cacophony in my head. Im now at the point where i know im not in control. If this continues my partner is going to leave as nobody should have to put up this. Ive tried speaking to my doctor's who have said it 'low moods' they suggested CBT but when the things setting you off, work and IBS, out of your hands its not really helpful. Last time i did it i was already doing the things i needed to. Excuse the typos but i left the house without glasses. 👍",0 "Started out the year with a plan of getting a house. First week into this year my now ex wife decides she wants to open our marriage and doesn’t want to continue being monogamous, I tell her I can’t do that and move out back to my parents. Ended up getting a divorce half way through the year. Lost my cats, my school debt is starting to pile up, and I find less reasons to keep going all the time. My hobbies don’t interest me as much as they used too, and I find myself getting really upset at any setbacks anymore. The one thing I’m really looking forward to is the new year, because I just want a fresh start and to put all this garbage behind me. How do I keep my focus on what the future could be, when the now is horrible?",2 "biographical information: 18M, senior in high school, currently in the midst of college apps so, I am unsure. A lot of the symptoms and the memes that I have been seeing have been really resonating with me. This meme in particular hit close to home with every one of these symptoms being something that was a major part of my life. [https://i.redd.it/azif3mz6lcx71.jpg](https://i.redd.it/azif3mz6lcx71.jpg) Some Facts about Me: * I have this massive reclusive streak. Gmail has this amazing feature that allows emails to be sent in the future. This has the great effect of allowing me to take a moment of extreme motivation and attempt to spread it out over multiple days. * Programming was my consistent interest, but rather the type of programming was never consistent. If something was boring, I would simply not do it, and that was a struggle (kind of scatterbrained). * I would consider myself a good bad student. I have terrible problems keeping up with deadlines, but I can usually actively procrastinate enough that it does not matter even with several AP classes. * Cellular phone addiction is a bad thing that I also have. In all honesty this is the thing that I am most worried about, a bad habit that I really need to remedy. * I feel as though it has gotten worse. Is senoritas amplified? I may have an early-onset variant. How would I know if it is enough to be ADHD? At the same time, though, I feel as if a diagnosis could just be a validation of my bad habits, and that it could be an excuse. \----------------------------------------- Suggestions: * How to get diagnosed? Should I get diagnosed ASAP or should I wait? College admissions are currently a big stressors; therefore, what is the harm in waiting another \~2 months till the January deadline. * What is the process like? Tips on navigating this with parents? How straightforward can it be? Should be expecting a large amount of pushback in terms of getting a diagnosis?",0 "i dont actually know if im having a hard time right now, maybe i am or maybe im not but i really wanna end everything. i dont know how to handle stuffs like this, i sorta need some help?",2 "I just need to rant for a minute. My old therapist quit early this year, and I’ve been trying to find a therapist for like 9 months now. I live in a medium sized town, and there’s a lot of therapists around, but I’m having no luck. I found this one group that has therapists that have experience with adhd and trauma, but they were self pay only and I can’t afford $120 every week. I found another one who’s wait list is closed until early next year, and that’s extremely frustrating, and she recommended that I keep looking. I found a clinic in my town that works with people with adhd specifically, and I got in contact with them and then their email address stopped working. Finally, I contacted the center that my husband goes to and they had therapists available! Then she stopped responding to my emails and couldn’t accept my insurance yet but was willing to do sliding scale. This all feels so hopeless and I feel so alone. I want to improve and get better but it’s like everything is against me. My psych keeps recommending different therapists but they either don’t return my calls or aren’t accepting new patients. I’m also looking for a therapist who can help with both my PTSD and adhd, which limits my choices even more. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!",0 "I feel my mind constantly takes every little thing in my life that shouldn’t be an issue, and make it “an issue”. My mind is always taking the smallest of things out of context. My main issue that I’ve been struggling with is that my ocd has been telling me that I’m a very hateful and not excepting person. When on the flipside that’s the exact opposite I’ve never been a racist, homophobic person. And im someone who is always open to people expressing themselves in whichever form they wish because why shouldn’t they? But of course, my mind loves to play tricks on me and ruin everything that I love in life. It sucks, I just want to be okay. I know this isn’t me but my mind keeps saying this is me I just want to have my normal mind back again",1 "All I(19F) know is that something happened to me. I can’t tell exactly what it is, and when I try to remember I feel anxious and end up losing myself. I get cold, I don’t know where I am, my tummy starts to tell me something is not okay, I get confused and I can't process my surroundings. I understand basically nothing. I lose control. The only person who saw me when I started to feel bad like that was my T, because unfortunately it happened in front of her once. It was really bad, and I couldn't enter her room for a while. It took me a year to be capable to even say (Actually, I had to draw comics) there was a problem in that day. She didn't force me to talk about it. I remember a psychiatrist talking to me about PTSD, but I was 16 and didn't wanna be there. I'm always thinking about how I am a fraud because I can't remember some aspects of what happened and what was done to me. Even though my T told me I’m not faking my reactions, I still doubt that. She told me I just didn't see ready to get into that subject. I started to feel triggered recently, and I feel ready and comfortable to talk to my therapist about what happened in that day I ended messed up in front of her. The thing is: I never talked to no one about anything like this. I feel a bit embarrassed because of what happened. One of my biggest fears is feel sick and throw up in front of her. How can something I can't talk or remember do that to my body? Wish I could control. I can't remember, I just feel spaced out. DAE also can't remember something traumatic that happened? Can I be helped? (I apologize for any mistakes, English isn't my first language)",3 Guess i am not as resilient as i thought or is it years of stress accumulated and my body is hitting its limit.,2 "Good morning. I’m a 26 year old female. Army. Two combat deployments. Previous sexual trauma. If you have ever experienced night terrors that cultivated from your PTSD, how do you handle it? How do you minimize it if possible? Is there any right I can do to stop these night terrors? Is there anything I can do to make sleeping at night easier? I’ve tried some medications and nothing seems to work. I meditate, I’m a very spiritual person. I am a Christian Buddhist, God is my higher power. I’m just looking for some support and answers. Thank you all.",3 " I’ve been struggling with depression and suicide these past 2 years. I’ve been losing sleep, gaining weight, suffering from mental breakdowns, and have no self worth of any kind. Every single day I suffer from suicidal thoughts, irrational guilt, mood swings, anxiety, low self esteem. It has gotten so bad that I literally picture myself being tormented and beaten by my friends and loved ones every single night. Some days I even ask myself “why am I still alive?” “How does someone like me even function?”. These questions plague my mind to no end. And every time I try and tell people about it I get extremely self conscious and more often than not I mentally beat myself up in doing so. My depression has also caused me to lose long lasting relationships with women. and they ended up cutting ties with me as a result. I can’t live like this anymore. I need to realize that not everyone can always be there for me and I have to face my problems alone. Just because I suffer from depression and guilt doesn’t mean that people should be my friend out of obligation and pity. I’m a fucking retard for believing that I’m so “important” to everyone’s when in reality I’m easily forgettable. I’m nothing more than a sorry excuse for a clown. I’m a horrible, pitiful, piece of shit, manipulative, jackass who destroys everything and everyone i come across. no wonder why a lot of people think I’m a creepy fuck because of the shit I do! I genuinely feel sorry for everyone who’s still apart of my life because they honestly deserve SO MUCH better than some disgusting creature like myself! All I do is throw pity parties, make an ass out of myself, make excuses, and never learn anything! I’m my own train wreck! a victim to my own tragedy and a laughable one at that! I’m as useful as a crumb on a dinner plate. There is literally nothing to love about me. Nothing at all.",3 "While it may not be directly linked to aspergers, it has got to be the number one killer for me when it comes to dealing with aspergers. It is so hard to socialize and fit in when you struggle to comprehend what others are saying. I always have to get people to repeat what they are saying or just move along with the conversation and hope I didn't miss out on something. Wearing masks doesn't help.",3 "Hello, So I’ve noticed it before but recently more so. I get quite jealous and feeling left out if friends or my gf are going on a night out with others. Even if it’s a girls night, or different friends that I wouldn’t normally be part of (obviously hits harder if it’s more like I’ve been left out of the invite!) However, when I’m going out myself I’m usually 50/50 in that I could take it or leave it. I would likely enjoy a night out but would also happily watch tv all night. I seem to feel more jealous if it’s my girlfriend going out than close friends, not that I’m bothered that she does by any means. Anyone else get a similar feeling about social situations and events you may not be invited to?",3 "I have a sh*t day to shorten the story a bit. I'm dizzy, feel like a hand is grabbing my chest and squeezing, there is a pain like a needle stinging inside my neck towards my head (I know why but couldn't get to a doctor yet) and have a knee injury that probably will worsen today, after three days of not being able to relax my leg. I basically forgot that I had to work today and not tomorrow so I couldn't find someone to take over my shift and now I'm sitting here alone at work and to top it f I have a lot of emotional stress with my family lately. I feel like I just want to burn down the store I'm working in and tell everyone to f*ck off and be alone in my room. I feel like I will just break down any moment even tho it got a bit better due to a cute squirrel but that only was for like 10 minutes. How do you deal with these emotionally intense situations where just everything is adding to the already too much load. Edit: Also do you start craving something to eat when you feel down? Nothing special just anything that's not poisonous.",0 "I give up on searching for happiness. I give up on seeking help. I give up on trying to make others happy. I give up on trying to make others proud. I give up on trying to set a good example. I give up on trying to build a future for myself. I give up on trying to find love. I give up on trying to get good at hobbies. I give up on myself. I've failed. I'm sorry mom, I know how much hard work you've put into me having to raid me and my sister alone. All these years I've resented you for all the trauma you've put on me, but I now realize you had it worse and it's not your fault. You were never the problem, I was, and I'm sorry for wasting so much of your life and time and effort for nothing. This world has nothing for me. My sister is 13 right now. She already lost her dad 12 years ago, I can't let her lose her only brother too. I'm going to wait for her to grow up and make sure she ends up a good successful adult who can deal with shit. Then I'm killing myself. Until then it's just drugs, fucking around, throwing my life away and killing time until that happens. Hopefully by then I'll be dead inside enough that doing it will be easy. But I'm done trying. I give up.",2 "It recently dawned upon me that some of my mental problems can be attributed to my parents' relentless helicopter parenting. My mother is possessive and controlling and even tries to tell me who I can and can't date (not that I ever have the options anymore). My brother tried to step in at one point when I was a teenager and tell my parents to ""back off and let him grow up and make his own decisions"". It didn't work. My parents are stubborn bull headed people who lack people skills (much like myself). They are reclusive and don't have friends and have always been way too overprotective of me. I thought maybe they were this way out of love but I think it's because they are just insecure people. It's because of this that I have no desire to have children. I do not want to bring up children and put them through the same controlling parenting tactics that I had to endure as a child (and still to this day as a 28 year old man).",2 "So I’ve been on Ritalin IR for about a week now, but when it wears off every 2-3 hours it makes me super annoyed and aggressive, as in it affects my road rage as well. I’m debating on letting my doctor know, and she says she won’t be able to switch anytime soon because of a 30 day period. I have way more focus and control over my hyper ness and impulsivity. But when it’s gone, even my anxiety meds don’t usually work, and I haven’t started doubling it yet either. My next option is Vyvanse and I don’t know if it will give me the same affect as Ritalin, because adderall 20mg XR didn’t really do anything to me except suppress my appetite a bunch. Anyone else also feel these symptoms? It’s affecting my day to day life as well.",0 "I know that psychiatrists don't diagnose autism based on a brain scan, but could you? For example, I keep seeing this image on Quora: [https://i.imgur.com/RHZjJfv.png](https://i.imgur.com/RHZjJfv.png) Does anyone know what this image is showing? Neurons? Synapses? I know nothing about the brain. If I were to get an MRI or SPECT scan or something like this, is there something in the scan that I could look at, to detect whether I have an autistic brain. Or isn't there someone like Amen Clinics or somewhere, that will actually diagnose a condition based on a brain scan? Or if I were to just look at a print-out of my own brain scan, is there something that I could spot, to see the autism? I say this, because there are just too many overlaps, with too many conditions, and I feel that the way psychiatrists diagnose some of these conditions is quite unscientific, especially autism.",3 I want to cry . I want to allow myself to feel emotions. I also want people to stop coming to me saying they only want to be fucked . LIKE WHAT . I've lost people I have truly loved . I have been used for so long as well . Please make it stop . I WANT SOMEONE TO CARE . ALL I AM IS A OBJECT,2 "I’m 23, female, living in downtown Milwaukee. I just don’t know what normal people do I guess & I don’t seem to enjoy anything anymore. I have ADHD, PTSD, anxiety&depression. Please send some advice. Th",2 "Today I dropped off my suits at the dry cleaners. I’m doing the laundry I’ve delayed doing for weeks. I’m cleaning my apartment. I’m still in the midst of the worst depression of my life. Finding the motivation to make a sandwich in my own kitchen the last month had been excruciatingly difficult, let alone going to the grocery store to get things to make said sandwich. I don’t know how long this will last, but at least I’ve won today. I hope everyone else finds a victory soon, too.",2 "How do I get over..,idk if it’s molestation or sexual abuse or if they’re the same thing? One of my uncles used to make me do things/touch me as a child and it’s always freaked me out (sex) ever since then but it hasn’t been a problem until now because I’ve not actually wanted to sleep with anyone until now. I want to sleep with my bf but just the things that lead up to it...my head just starts thinking of/remembering how I felt before and I freak out. He’s being very kind/patient about it and I’ve told him what happened but idk how to get over this. It’s weird..I want to do stuff with him but there are certain things that just flood me with memories and I can’t. I hate it though. I want to be able to do this and be with him. I don’t want to think of bad times while I’m enjoying my time with him...Idk how to separate the things in my mind and idk how you go about getting over this. Advice? Help? Please",3 "This morning I saw a video that was MILDLY disturbing. I found myself anxious and irritable since then. And also, I feel a bit unmoored- like I can’t focus properly or I am missing something really important. What is this exactly that happens to me? How do you settle your brain back down when this happens?",3 "When I hear someone cough, I get so nervous and scared and even sweat. Same thing happens with my brother who is also diagnosed with OCD. Is that OCD or anxiety?",1 "Hi I've \[18F\] been having intrusive thoughts about kids. This wasn't really a problem until last month. Before since like middle school and high school I've had sexual fantasies surrounding taboos like rape and incest but I would never actually do incest or enjoy being raped. I would get off by reading erotica however since last year I've been reading taboo incest to get off. I have never and do not plan to read pedophilia erotica (like written with kids younger than 16 - like ew no). I've read tons of news of kids getting kidnapped, raped, or killed or news about people beating up child abusers. Now I randomly get thoughts of kids. Like when I watch a show with a kid actor or when I'm doing something that doesn't involve kids like hugging my stuffed animals. Does that mean I find pleasure in hugging kids? That's so gross and disgusting. And when I get thoughts about kids when I'm doing something that doesn't involve them it turns into a sexual thought. Like I could be going to the kitchen to grab some food and then I get a random thought of kids. I'm picturing them in my head and checking if I'm aroused (like looking at my boobs if they're erect or seeing if I'm wet). This is so disturbing but when I'm checking if I'm aroused by kids I picture myself as a kid having sex with an adult or as the adult having sex with the kid. I FEEL SO DISGUSTING. I rarely do that and when I do I hate doing it (because it's intrusive). It usually happens after I've read a rape news story. But whenever I'm really scared that I'm a pedophile I do imagine that to mentally check. I wouldn't call that specifically a fantasy though because I don't enjoy imagining pedophilia. So far I haven't shown signs of arousal but the fact that I'm IMAGINING MYSELF IN THOSE ROLES is such a dangerous sign. I think I am a pedophile. I feel like a disgusting person. I've never molested or touched kids ever in my entire life and I never plan to. I'd rather kill myself. I have three little cousins and I love them and I see them as cute and innocent and my feelings aren't sexual in nature, but what if those are not inherently normal thoughts but rather signs that I'm a pedophile? What if I'm actually just lying to myself about having these intrusive thoughts when really deep inside I am attracted to kids? I have taken care of them before and I've showered one of my cousins but I never touched them indecently and I've done so much like not fully cleaning the down area after they go to the bathroom or shower just because that's so disgusting even touching them there. I need help desperately guys. I see a therapist for my depression and anxiety and I'm considering talking to her but she has a 4 year old daughter and I feel like she's going to transfer me if I end up telling her. HELP PLEASE. My next session with her is soon in like two hours.",1 "Heading out to the bridge. I don't have anyone else to send this to. The only thing that really matters in this world is how others view and treat you. How others view and treat you is tied to how you were born; your genetics, race, status, etc, determine if life is worth living. I was born a weak willed, ugly, unintelligent, black, and most of all sad person. There's nothing I can do to change any of that, and the world has shown me that I am not valued, nor am I wanted. I was sexually assaulted and riduclded as a young child. The effects of this still make it difficult to be intimate with anyone. My father was deported, I remember the cops dragging him out the car as he drove my brother and cousins to school, I remember my tears. I remember wailing at the door asking him to come back to me. I remember learning that it was legal and just what happened to him, he was an illegal immigrant. What happened to my family was just. I was wrong to cry over his arrest. I was continually bullied throughout elementary and middle school. I was a weird sensitive kid, and I was a blemish. The kids we're right to take notice and hit and taunt me. I was beaten verbally and physically by my step-dad until I was in high school. I deserved what happened because I never spoke up for myself, I wasn't a victim, I was just weak. I still remember him kicking my brother to the wall, and beating him until he stopped crying. I remember him hitting me with the metal part of the belt and giving me lacerations. I remember the constant fear of being hit, I remember lying to ""friends"" and school officials about bruises and lacerations. I remember all of his demeaning words, it hurts that they ring true. It hurts that he was right; I did end up a failure. I am constantly reminded whether online or in person that I am disliked and judged for factors outside of my control. I remember teachers, strangers, students, children adults, words and actions towards me. I remember my best friend calling me a nigger, I remember my online friends laughing that black people were statically dumber and more violent. I remember Hispanic kids and teens telling me that I wasn't one of them because I was half black. I remember reading online about how most countries despise us. There is no escape from my skin. There is no escape from my despair; the world is right to hate me. I have no friends, and I don't have many educational prospects as I am unintelligent. Compared to most people I am utterly worthless, so I think the world's was right to drill this into me since I was a child. I am deserving of everything that happened to me over these 18 years. As I out on my coat to go leap off a bridge, I think what hurts the most is that I do love this world. I remember so many things and people that made me smile. I love people so much, and I love having positive interactions. I love many people in my family, but I am OK with leaving them. I guess I'm just tired, but it doesn't matter anymore because I am going to go to sleep forever. Goodbye.",2 "I hate this time of year period.... I always get very very depressed this time of year the pressure to be happy is overwhelming and all the people having the time of there life blah blah blah blah Sorry about my rant but this is just how i feel every fucking year in desember. Happy holidays if you can find inerpeace and some joy with your family and friends ❤",2 "My OCD has kept me from getting my learner’s permit or drivers license but today I took a huge step forward and passed the test for my learner’s permit! I never thought I could do it, I’ve literally lived my whole adult life doing whatever I could to avoid driving. I was so afraid of everything dangerous about cars. Well, I still am, but I practiced driving today and it went well. My therapist said he sees a lot of people with OCD that are petrified of driving so I wanted to share this to give anyone else dealing with the same issue motivation and encouragement. If you want to drive you can do it!",1 "Hi, since those are my interests it would be very nice if I found a person with the same interests that has OCD Message me pls",1 "My whole life I’ve daydreamed about having some sort of routine. Daily, morning, or just a loose general one. For example, I want to run in the morning on certain days and read every night, but even these two simple things never stick. I blame my executive dysfunction. I’d love to have my shit together and have every day planned out. But I could never hold a habit, much less a routine, for more than, say, a month. They were right when they said adhd is chaos and unpredictable. Does anyone have any advice for this? Has anyone been successful in keeping a routine with adhd?",0 "So I've recently started a new career and it has me dealing with a lot of new people.. i was lucky enough that my last job/career knew i was nuerodivergent and accepting of it, so I always felt comfortable and went years without having to mask, except in certain social situations.. I'm a few weeks into my new job, and today the burnout really hit.. i spent all day exhausted, just wanting to go to sleep, grumpy, being short with people, kinda rude with a definite tone of attitude in my voice and disgruntled look on my face, i just wanted to be left alone, people were making me so angry for the littlest things. I'm home now with my comfort show on, comfy clothes, relaxing in bed, trying to decompress from it all.. The advice I'm looking for, is how to deal with it in the moment? I don't like being mean to people or off putting, or just looking plan ol' grumpy. But in the moment i feel so overwhelmed that i get reactive and just want to tell people to fuck off. If it helps you relate, other than Asperger's i have social anxiety, adhd, and depressions. Anything helps!! Thanks in advance 🙏🏻",3 I'm really struggling and I just want to forget. I just kinda want amnesia.,3 "I just started a remote job in Financial Aid under the field of higher education administration. It’s a specialized position with a steep learning curve that requires months of training before even starting the role’s responsibilities. I started on 9/20, and the information has been given very gradually over the last month. We started learning the very basics of financial aid information. Today, we’re getting into internal processes. My manager started off asking us, “In your own words, what is financial aid?” and, no joke, I couldn’t even begin to answer this very basic question. I stuttered and rambled about nothing, and felt incredibly incompetent and embarrassed. My manager was understanding, and said, “It’s okay! Don’t worry — this is a lot of information,” but I’m worried she’s secretly questioning my ability to do this job at all. I feel like my brain is only capable of holding a limited collection of information, and that, when that amount is exceeded, my entire brain just shuts down completely. I take tons of notes and ask questions, but even those techniques don’t keep the info from falling out of my head. Have you had any similar experiences with job training? What were your biggest challenges? What steps did you take to overcome them?",0 "hi all. i've been dealing with ptsd for about two years, and over the last two years, i've noticed my physical disability (ehlers danlos syndrome) get exponentially worse. i was just wondering if there are any known relations between physical and mental disorders making each other worse- even if they're completely unrelated. for reference, i'm unmedicated and receiving no treatment for either issue, and i never have. thoughts?",3 "Not sure if this goes here? But does anyone do this thing where they HAVE to twitch their neck a certain way? I've developed a tic where I have to move my head in just a certain way, and it's gotten pretty bad very fast. I don't even realize I'm doing it sometimes. This needs to stoooop. Anyone have any tips?",1 "Does anyone have any good resources for this? I just started my deep dive on google and so far I'm not finding much. My last relationship was abusive and I'd often have sex when I didn't want to so I could appease my then husband. I remember a time as a preteen where I didn't really know what was going on and a guy pulled his parts out to show me and a time that later in my teenage years I had sex with someone after I said I didn't want to. Even in my current relationship, the repeated conversations that are sometimes arguments feel traumatic. I've never considered any of this trauma, but I'm coming to terms with the fact that I carry the scars with me. Besides just talking about it, what am I supposed to do? Where do I go from here now that I realize that I do indeed carry trauma with me around sex? I do have another appointment with a different counselor scheduled (albeit weeks away). It is a male counselor but his psychology today profile says he deals with sexual abuse and trauma, among other reasons I'm going.",3 I don't want to miss out or upset family but I have IBS and contamination OCD and I'm not sure how it will all play out. Does anyone here have any advice?,1 "I recently saw a question posed on social media asking people if they could do it all over again would they have the same mother. That really messed me up.. I don't know if I would want the same mother again, but more worriessome is I don't think any of my 6 children would want to have me as a mother again.. I honestly feel like they could have done better. I could ask them but I'm afraid then if I did they would just lie to me to not hurt my feelings. Lately I've just been wondering why I'm still here.",2 "Earlier today, I triggered myself while watching a movie that involved how others deal with the aftermath of a bad car accident. I'm still in my danger time of five weeks before and after the anniversary, and the best way to get back to normal-ish is to share it with others. So it you don't mind sticking around for it, I'll be about it then. But I'll only tell the front half. Things aren't bad enough for me to force myself to face the whole truth, so there is one very big lie here. I know what the lie is, but it still works as a stopgap measure to reduce the pain I deal with. I will bold it so that I'm at least honest here about where the lie is, because the truth is even harder to deal with unless I absolutely have to. So I apologize in advance for that, and I will stop my recall of the event itself there to instead talk about the aftermath. I was happy once. Deliriously happy. I was dating an amazing woman who matched me enough that we were finishing each other's sentences within three weeks of meeting, but different enough that we approached things in ways that the other found weird but amazingly effective. Even better, she was the first person I had dated in 8 years that my cat did not hate at first sight. And when I learned that she was pregnant, I proposed without hesitation or regret. Even though I wasn't quite ready yet, it wasn't anything that I hadn't already thought about. And when we learned that we were having a girl, Kari immediately agreed to follow my family's tradition of sharing the names of well-loved dead relatives and call her Jana after my favorite aunt. For the first time ever, I was looking forward to my future. I was planning with anticipation rather than reacting. I had something to look forward to, and two people that I was going to love for the rest of my life. Hadn't met the second one yet, though. But with them by my side, I could handle anything. A few days before Halloween, I was getting ready to finish closing up the store when my cell rang with her ringtone. It wasn't my fiancee. It was the state troopers, calling via the ICE number to tell me that there was an accident. A bad accident, run into a freeway bridge support by a suspected drunk driver. I wasn't tracking anything anymore as of that moment. My employee took control, just left everything as it was in mid-closing, left a note for the morning supervisor explaining what was going on, and drove me straight to the hospital that the airlift took them to, the only trauma center major enough to even have a chance. Once I got to the hospital, I learned how bad things were. So many known injuries, plenty of signs of unknown injuries, and the only reason they were still alive was that old Volvo of hers. High chance we would lose the baby regardless of how hard they tried. Slightly less high chance that I would lose them both, but still well over the 50/50 mark. The staff were treating me with kid gloves, making sure that they were ready to catch me when I fell apart to the point even calling in the chaplain ahead of time. I was only capable of doing one constructive thing, and that was calling her parents to let them know. Somehow, against all odds, they pulled through. 12 hour surgery to keep them alive. Spleen and half a liver removed, heavy kidney damage, and enough ongoing internal bleeding to require another surgery to finish patching them up, but they were alive. They were in the ICU for three days and then downgraded to serious for a couple of days, and then held for additional observation for an another three days. They did everything right, and made as certain as possible that they both were in as good of health as to be expected when they rolled out the door. That night was the first time I slept well in over a week, because my ladies were back and we were going to be just fine. That was also the last night I would sleep well for months. I woke up early that morning. I almost never wake up early, but I knew something was wrong. It took me far too long to realize what it was: my fingers were sticking together for some reason. I turned on the light to get a better idea to what was going on. And I still wish I hadn't, for that is what I see when I close my eyes. I was in a pool of blood, my front covered in it. The woman who had just come back to me against all odds was bleeding out, and I couldn't tell where it was coming from. I'm sure that the ambulance got there faster than it seemed. I was too busy holding in the screams, trying to wake Kari up, making sure that anything she heard was me telling her that I loved her, and listening for the sirens. I could do nothing else. Nothing. There was a weakened blood vessel in her placenta. It had ruptured overnight. Kari had nightmares about the accident when she was in the hospital, so the theory is that a nightmare caused her pressure to spike and thereby caused the hemorrhage. Our daughter was dead on arrival. **Kari died shortly after.** I was non-functional from that moment on. Didn't so much quit my job as flat out not leave the couch. Diet was usually limited to Xanax with a vodka chaser, the breakfast of shut up and let me die slowly. Weeks went by, where the only effort I was able to put in was to clean up the blood. At least I wasn't surrounded by the blood in reality, though every time I closed my eyes I still saw it everywhere. And on my hands. Always on my hands. Whenever I am stressed, anxious, or just not having a good day, my fingers start to feel like they are sticking together just like in that day. It took my father to get me out of my downward spiral. Not in a way of encouragement, but because his health started to deteriorate. I moved back home, away from the walls that never again looked white to me. I stopped abusing Xanax, but I became codependent on my father instead. I needed to be needed, and I took care of him until he came down with a MRSA infection that turned his blood septic. After that, it was my stepmother that needed me, as she went blind as well as descended into dementia shortly after dad's death. Again, it was codependency. I needed to be needed. After she died of old age, I was loose with no anchor. I didn't have anyone there to make me feel needed, and the blood was starting to come back. That's when the self abuse began again, only this time it was physical. Until another person came into my life. When I looked at her, I suddenly didn't see the blood any more. I hoped that this would be the way to keep my brain from showing the horror over and over again. Yet it was not to be. I was not in a happy relationship, but an emotionally abusive and manipulative one. I needed to feel needed. It took me months to realize what was going on, my hands always feeling the blood, and I was only able to escape via a suicide attempt and hospitalization. Which, by the way, she called unnecessary drama when she threw me out. A short stint of homelessness, and a friend has offered me couch space over the last three months while I have gotten my brain back into some semblance of order. I'm not healthy. At all. But now I am forcing myself to look at things honestly. Forcing myself to deal with the trauma of that early November morning, and stop running away from what I need. I'm trying to be in a healthy relationship with myself for the first time in 9 years. It isn't easy. At all. I've never been one to look fondly at myself, but everything that has happened since the accident has dropped my already low self-esteem even further. But I'm trying. One step at a time, I'm trying. On days like this when the blood comes, it gets harder. But I don't want to give up anymore. I want to become better. If only because I can't get much worse and expect to survive. And my daughter wouldn't want that to happen.",3 "I'm having the problem of needing medicated, but my weight is too low. I'm currently at 86 pounds, being 5'7"". Normally i am 115 pounds. I lost 30 some pounds in about 9 months. Its part of what pushed me to see a doc and a mental health provider. My mental health doctor won't presribe me any medication at all until i get my weight up. But i can't do it. I have had the same eating habits all my life. I eat the same handful of things and can't stomach anything else. Nothing changed in my eating habits this year. Type 2 diabetes runs in my family pretty heavily. And now im experiencing this problem where my blood sugar keeps dropping down to the low 60s. I'm 38 now and went my whole life until this month not knowing why i was so ""different"". And i WANT to eat better. I actually eat a good bit. But its the same few things over and over. Pizza, fries, spaghetti, toaster strudels, pb and j, lunchmeat, and tacos sometimes. Horrible diet actually. No variation. I do take a multivitamin and this month i added some extra biotin to the multi bc my hairs falling out. But I've never gained weight from it. And in fact i lost 30 pounds eating these very foods all year. I had a ton of labwork done last week and everything came back normal except my blood sugar. I'm afraid I'm going to hurt myself with my eating habits and my blood sugar being what it is. But I'm unable to even make myself eat anything else. Is that familiar with ADHD? Or maybe a separate eating disorder? I'm brand new to all these problems I'm having, so i don't know much. I need more advice than what my docs giving. My next appointment with my regular doc is over a week away and I've called twice with questions and was told to go to the ER because I'm having low blood sugar symptoms. Also to be clear, i do NOT want to lose weight. I feel like i look TERRIBLE like this. So i don't mean an eating disorder like anorexia. I just feel like my unwillingness to eat anything else than the ""norm"" isn't normal. And i don't know what to do.",0 Since age 11 I've always knew something was different about me. I tried to express my concerns to my parents but they told me it's in my head and to get over it. I'm now 21 years old and I still can't talk to my parents because they don't take me seriously. Neither of them know I started medication for adhd.. my own father who I live with didn't even know I switched jobs almost 2 months ago. I feel alone. My dad forced me to grow up at the age of 14 when I was old enough to get a job I had to start providing for myself I bought my own groceries toiletries anything I needed this caused me to never be able to have savings as I was spending all my student wage money I made at a part time job to support myself. Im now struggling financially. My father is a very well off man he has good money and even though I know he could help me I can't ask and i won't ask because I'm just not like that and I also don't believe he would help me to begin with. I pay him rent every month on time and would never take money and not pay it back. I'm in a really tough spot because I've been putting my wisdom teeth surgery off for years and I really need to get it done. I'm stuck on whether or not I should finally ask my dad for some help because I can't afford this on my own. I want to tackle this on my own as I usually do but don't think this is something I can tackle. Does anyone else have trouble speaking to there parents?,0 "so I went on r/advice subreddit and one the replies said this ​ OP- ""Today has just felt different from most days and also at one point I think I purposely imagined a child naked but then after felt really guilty about it and also got scared that I was only guilty about my pocd because I might be convicted and cause of social stigma and not cause I actually am against it"" You're teetering on the pedophile line, get some professional help before you hurt someone.",1 i swear to fucking god ill never be loved by anyone. im sick and tired of this shit. im so fucking alone.,2 Yesterday we were forced to go to a long trip and my mother told me I could absolutely not do any stimming behaviors while there for some unknown reason. It was absolutely painful for me and made me feel extremely bored couple that with the fact I saw my mom as selfish. Although some distractions did help me. But it was still painful for me.,3 "I'm going to the Doctor's on Friday. I'm going to mention my PTSD/CPTSD symptoms. I wrote a note already for myself on what to say/ just give if I'm too scared and I wrote a few memories I had (not the worst ones but the subtle ones...) and it caused me intense panic and anxiety while I was writing it and I couldn't calm down and was frozen essentially. My only question is is a few memories and a description of how this is effecting me enough? I can't talk about it easy because I need to avoid and distance myself from it but they have to know more to give a diagnosis... right? I'm just so scared and don't wanna freeze on her or panic. I want my diagnosis, whatever it is. But how much do you typically have to share? I already couldn't handle giving the vague details I did on what happened.",3 "Hi. This sort of occurred to me whenever I look at photos of people online. My head tends to tense up and hurt a little when I try to focus on facial communication and expression in general, whether it be eye contact, mouth movement, or even eyebrow motions. This might be connected to some other inherently rooted mental health concern, but trying to keep up and follow along with facial communication is just really tiring. Another factor is the fact that I have to mask facial mannerisms in order to follow what may be considered more polite for communication that is more... ...neurotypical, for lack of a better term... Like, I prefer to have my personal emotions to be experienced in a stable manner and entirely internally, wishing I could simply take everything in that gets communicated externally to me with a blank expression and neutral mannerism. Ok, yes, I will laugh out loud at things, but it feels better than forcing polite laughter (which... ...Is very likely the case for NT individuals too) when it naturally provokes the emotional response. To give some fictional examples, I wish I had a Mandalorian code to follow in which I was supposed to keep a helmet on wherever I go. Like, in the MCU movies, I always feel inherent discomfort when the heroes take off their helmets and masks for the “human connection” element. Because with Din Djarin in The Mandalorian television series, I could tell the depth of emotions he was experiencing by the tone of his voice and just his bodily movements- like something I *deeply* appreciate about Star Wars is how characters in helmets are still very capable of expressing emotion without artificially shoving facial expressionism... Sorry for ranting; thank you for sticking with me.",3 "I had some sexual trauma growing up and it’s messing up my life now. I can’t be sexual at all now because every time I get asked, I shut it down because I get this fear. I don’t even know why I’m scared but it hits me like panic and anxiety. And when I’ve done stuff in the past, I’ve basically had to force myself. Im in a relationship so every time I say no is a hard rejection to my partner. How do I get help for this? I’m going to be starting therapy for PTSD, is this something I could bring up with them?",3 " This is sort of a follow up to previous inquiries I have had about those with autism. Given that as a group, those with autism are much more likely to be unemployed or underemployed vs those who aren't, I would imagine finding partnerships when not having employment thay fully reflects your background and qualifications is a fundamental challenge. Again, this is with the understanding that exceptions exist of those with autism who have found lucrative employment that does reflect their qualifications. It is an issue of populations relative to those without autism. For those who are unemployed or at least underemployed, what allowed partnerships to work? Did you have a partner who was gainfully employed? Was there other aspects to your character, personality and ability that made it work in spite of these challenges? WOuld love to hear of such stories.",3 Does anyone struggle with the idea that neurotypicals often socialize with simplicity and patience? It nearly drives me insane to hear a person hold a conversation with somebody for several minutes to an hour seemingly without difficulty or digression. It feels like everyone else but me has this instruction manual inside their mind which makes them socially acceptable whereas I'm incompetent and useless.,3 "English is not my first language I dont know if i can contnue living lo me this. Mu family loves me, but doesent understand me. I have been in my House for a few months Now and i get very anxious at the thought of going outside. Also during this time m not replying to the messages of my few Friends. I LOVE them but i feel like a burden for them and for all. In this months of isolation i stopped studying. I was finally after years of trying, i got into a course that i liked, but i have Lost all motivation. I have also gained a lot of Weight, thing that made me hate my body even more. I was going to a Psycologyst, looked good, but like the rest, i abandoned it and Now, is chirtsmas, and i Will be obligated to no yo family reunions and interact with people that causes me a lot of pain. I tried to Talk about this with my family, they know about my depression, but i dont Belice that they know It ALL. I just want to know, when being really sad because of a painful memory, is a apropiate responde ""Get over It""? I dont think so. Or when you are axious and sad, Get Angry at the sad person? I feel like a burden and a lot of times i find myself wishing i didnt exist, but the only things that stop me are the pain that would cause my family and the dejar of wathever is on the other side. But i dont know how much more can those things hola me, i have a lot of intrusiva thoughts, thinking ""this would be a good oportunity"" continously. Have you Heard of the call of the void? I feel It and Now is screaming I dont know why im wrting this, a wall of text that doesent Matter to anyone and Will end without an answer, like the other times i tried here. Im 21 years old and already feel like i thrown away my Life. One of my Friends has a girlfriend and a House and planos other goes to university and is really Smart and other is a exremelly good artist. What do i have? I only play videogames and watch you tube all day to reduce te probabilty of having a thought, without any useful habilites and that nevera has fallen in love ir been with a girl and have abandoned his studies 2times already. What do i do? Its worth It continúe living? Why? I dont know why im doing this, It wont Get better this was all improvised and i wrote as things came into my mind. Now its 5 am and should go to sleep.",2 "I have to think of certain words or use certain fingers whenever I touch ANYTHING and if I don't listen to what the OCD voice is saying to me properly I have to redo whatever I just did. There are no OCD specialists around me and I'm only 15 so I have to make do with whatever advice I can find, thanks",1 "It’s been over ten years, two horrifying relationships. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, that there was something wrong with me. After the first one, my friends saw it. I couldn’t make decisions. My panic attacks. I didn’t have the right therapist (they didn’t want me to talk about what happened) but I didn’t know I could just go to another one. Everything in my life fell apart and I did too. After pulling myself together, going back to school, I fell into another abusive relationship. His abuse quickly crippled so much strength I had built up. He just wanted to control me, destroy everything I loved, break my soul. It became worse as time went on and was extreme. He would blame me for all of his behavior, his failures, bad decisions. As I tried to break free, he and his mother threatened retaliation. I was terrified because I knew they could get away with it. When I finally got out of it, I was so happy to be free. I was ready to start my life. And then I was in an emotionally abusive environment with a family member. A lot of yelling, tearing me down. I thought of going back to school, as I wanted to be a doctor. ‘No, no, you can never be a doctor! You can only be a nurse!’ Everything I wanted to do was a fantasy. I left and stayed with strangers for a while. My condition worsened. My symptoms were so severe. Panic attacks that lasted all day. I started having all of these physical symptoms, hair coming out it chunks, headaches, feeling like I was going to fall over, eye pains, fevers, vomiting, feeling sick all the time, odd pains throughout my body. I looked sick. I would make up things to people so they wouldn’t ask or worry—just to keep the peace. Nothing made sense. I later realized it was the stress and anxiety that had taken a physical toll on my body. I couldn’t sleep without nightmares. I was so scared of the retaliation. I couldn’t trust anyone. Everything terrified me. It was hard because I am normally so trusting of people. The moment I saw some sign they might hurt me, I would just act super weird to sabotage the situation to protect myself. I didn’t have all of my proper documents and I found myself in a position where I couldn’t freely work. I shifted from home to home I ended up in a cycle of abusive situations. Some, even dangerous. There were some kind people along the way, but for the most part, I have spent everyday of my life for the past three and half years absolutely terrified. I didn’t know about PTSD at all until maybe two years ago, and it all finally made sense. I couldn’t believe it. I knew I needed therapy or at least needed to talk about what my ex did. Reading about it made me feel a lot less alone. I used to drink so rarely, like once a month. With the last traumatic relationship, I started to drink like him. Afterwards, I drank very often, almost everyday. I didn’t realize that I was trying to bury the pain of what I went through. Before all of this, I had so many hobbies, so many interests. I was so driven. I had so many friends.. Maybe my family wasn’t that great, but it didn’t matter that much. I always looked forward to life. I really hope, that one day, I get my life back.",3 Lost my credit card few a few days and assumed it would show up. Nope. So I canceled it. Couldn't log into my bank app for a few weeks because well couldn't get my account number. Finally got on like 5min ago. Someone found my card and stole all my money I had saved up. 5000 gone. GONE. FUCKING GONE. Idk If my bank will cover the loss either. So im fucked rn. I was gonna buy a car with that. But nope. Fuck me right. Because I can't have shit in life. Gotta loose 5k in 2 days cus some asshole. Life fucking sucks. Thought being in the army would be good cus id make money and find myself. Nope just drinking myself to death and now I have like $5 to my name. Why can't shit go right.,2 "When I was a boy, I had a busy leg, always shaking going up and down, I didn't know why but it made me feel good, I found it calming and relaxing. It seemed bizarre, inexplicable to me that no one else did that. My parents reminded me constantly to knock it off. Eventually, I did--in college, I think. I discovered that rocking chairs are socially acceptable, as are swing sets, and gliders. I fell in love with my Grandmother's rocking recliner and old-fashioned, cherry wood rocking chair and was heartbroken when neither of these items went to me. I bet they wound up sold to a dealer. Today, I was looking for something to splurge on with my 1 week only, $1.99 Amazon Prime Membership, since I get 5% off via the Amazon card, and I came upon this... [https://www.amazon.com/s?k=acme+rocking+chair&rh=n%3A3733491&ref=nb\_sb\_noss](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=acme+rocking+chair&rh=n%3A3733491&ref=nb_sb_noss) I got to say, these ACME rocking chairs really hit the spot, looks-wise. I want ""all of the above"". Yet, I'm sad, because my house is not big enough to accommodate all these rocking chairs, and sadly, I already have stuff in my house. I will have to sacrifice and make do with only one rocking chair for the time being. Which do ya think I should get? I am open to suggestions. Just remember, it has to look good and match my decor, which is antique / dark-stained furniture and floors. I don't know whether I want upholstered or not.",3 "I got really drunk at a party, went home and I don’t remember much but obviously my mum now knows I drink, she also knows I smokes and vapes, thank god she doesn’t know I do some drugs on the side but I’m done for, no hiding the impulsive side anymore, I can’t even explain properly why I do it, I want to but I never could",2 "I don't know what took me so long, but I've gone back to a circular 24-hour daily planner instead of a linear one. There's something about ""seeing"" time as part of an entire day, including sleep, free time, etc. that helps me keep to a schedule better. Plus, it lets me see where I'm putting my time, or where I should be putting my time. Instead of hoping I'll have time for creative writing and painting at the end of the day, when it never gets done, I've moved it to the beginning of the day, after breakfast. I blocked off meals (I often forget to eat lunch), exercise time, dog outs, and pre-bed bath time. I'm a freelancer, but I've been undisciplined about work lately. I'm hoping this will keep me on track better. I'm using this Monday through Friday, with the Saturday reserved for groceries/errands, house cleaning, and most laundry. Sunday is a day off to do whatever I feel like. I found the kind of planner I wanted online, downloaded it, printed it, and color coded all the time blocks I wanted to delineate. I also set up corresponding alarms on my phone for different time segments. I realize there are apps to do this, but I find doing any kind of schedule or to-do list in cyber space means it falls into a black hole. Anyone else using a circular agenda? How's it working for you?",0 "Hey, you there. I want you to ask yourself if this applies to you: Do you feel like you’re walking a dead end road and it’s just a matter of time until it all falls apart? If so, then listen up, because I’ve felt and sometimes still feel the same way, but I know I’m wrong. I know it can feel like a never ending cycle of failure. You don’t feel like you’re in control. You feel like the only two stages of your life are failure and waiting on the next one. I’ve been there. Hell, I’m still there, but I’m writing this because I know that I’m wrong even if I can’t help thinking it. You can’t let it win. The second you start thinking that you won’t ever make it is the second that you ensure that it happens. You can make it. I don’t say that because it’s nice to hear, I say that because it’s the goddamn truth. You have a chance of making it. You always have a chance of making it. At the end of the day, there’s always going to be ADHD in your life. It’s always going to be there. It’s always going to make things difficult. It doesn’t go away. But that doesn’t mean that you have any excuse to give up. I don’t need to share my story. All you need to know is that I’m at the lowest point of my life, but I’ll be damned if I ever give up. Because what else is there to do besides get back up? You live in a constant battle with your own mind, and not many people truly understand what it’s like to be there. So when you get knocked flat on your ass, you get back up, because you’re no stranger to losing. I’ve just been hit with the single hardest blow I’ve ever been dealt in life, and I’m gonna smile as I get back up. ADHD is my mortal nemesis, and it may have won this battle, but I can’t wait to watch it seethe with rage as I get back on my feet. Although I’ll never beat it, it won’t ever beat me. So if you feel like I do, smile with me. Let’s dust each other off and punch that son of a bitch in the mouth. Because it’s better than giving up.",0 "I'm diagnosed with PTSD and autism among other things, and I'm having a hard time in therapy because every time I try to talk about what happened, my words disappear and I freeze and literally can't talk. Does anyone else experience this? Is there a way around it? It's getting very frustrating.",3 It changes between loved ones but as I live with mum it focuses on her alot after sentences she says it's like I purposely find a nasty reply in my head and feel a spike if anxiety in my brain always after I think it a split second after I say no I love her or counteract the insult which doesn't help much. I dnno why i do it she's a beautiful person and nmdoesnt deserve it.,1 "Hi! I have literally been living in a bed since about 2005. Physically, I'm fine, my organs are working fine, but my brain is not. I am currently hospitalized after a failed suicide attempt and this is week 12. That's a long time. I need to find an activity - at least one - that I can enjoy, but nothing makes me happy. I used to enjoy writing, but I can't concentrate anymore. The same goes for reading. I can't even take photographs anymore because of my poor social skills. I used to be able to do it by taking (and abusing) benzodiazepines... but I'm in withdrawal. I hate going out, walking around... Everything. Even sports. I've been doing group activities every morning for 12 weeks. Results: still sad and asocial. What can I do? What do you do to yeep yourself busy? Courage to you all!",2 "Im known to be that person who helps everyone else. People always ask me “how do I do it”, “how are you okay with everything”, how are you not afraid” about things that are happening in my life. If I tell them i’m feeling a little depressed (which is an understatement to say the least) they’ll tell me its a phase it’ll blow over. So I just tell them i’m not worried and i’m okay. Its gonna be ok. I’ll figure it out. But i’m not ok. I don’t know how i’ll figure things out. I don’t know how i’ll make it through this tough time. Im open about how I really don’t like the winter time (a lot of trauma growing up during these time) and its just really tough for me especially when everyone wants me to be happy and excited to celebrate my birthday (its on xmas eve). Im really tired of feeling dismissed for how I feel when I try to open up. But then I feel so alone and trapped. Its like this weird achey pain that I feel it travels through my hands and my finger tips, down to my stomach. It physically hurts. And I cry alone a lot. I think I am tired of feeling pushed to feel grateful and happy when I try to and I am.. I just also feel so down. People always wonder why we don’t talk about it but its because no one really believes us and we don’t want to be a burden. I guess this is more of me venting than asking a question. Thanks for hearing me out.",2 "*UPDATE* so many responses! turns out almost all of you drive! I was feeling guilty/left out but now I feel reassured that it may not be my ADHD stopping me after all and more of an anxiety/aversion that I can overcome. I live in a major city in Australia and work from home but I know I need to have it out of necessity/emergencies and before having kids. Thank you all! 30F. Newly diagnosed but its been a long (lifetime) coming. My question is… do you guys drive?! I seem to see a lot of posts like “lost my car keys…” when meanwhile I’m 30 and can’t drive I’ve taken lessons throughout my 20s and would just freak out and give up I am in the process now of finally getting my license but truthfully I could go the rest of my life not having it So I’m wondering - do you have Driving anxiety? What helps - if you don’t drive - will you ever? Thanks!",0 "Don’t you just hate it when people say ‘just be yourself’ not realising that’s the entire issue?! Hence why we mask. We can’t be ourselves unless we want to face isolation, unemployment and be completely and utterly vulnerable. NTs really do not grasp what it’s like to be us no matter how much you drill it in to them do they?",3 "Hey friends. So, I had a revelation the other day about my depression and I wanted to share it in case it helps someone understand themselves more. For me, I spent most of my life feeling things so deeply. I was deeply embarrassed (social anxiety). Deeply insecure (binge eating). Deeply irritable and angry (communication issues with everyone around me). I think that feeling so deeply became unbearable for my heart and my soul to cope with. I’m not religious, I just use this to describe whatever consciousness is, because I don’t think it’s just our minds. Anyways, I feel like after so many years of my heart breaking by others and myself, I shut off and began to intellectualize…my existence. And I began going through the motions as I remember them, but not actually experiencing anything. I’d smile, laugh, socialize, interact…but it felt hallow. Binging, reckless sex and being impulsive gave me a small spark of awareness. Crying is hard for me. I can explain to someone what I feel, but feel it? Nope. I still get anxiety but it’s a result of me thinking and thinking, but still not feeling any positive emotion. I guess if I do feel, it’s fear; fight or flight. I feel nervous sometimes, but not excited. But the joy aspect is gone and it has been for some time. This realization gave me hope that maybe I can beat this. Somehow I need to seek things that put me back in touch with my feelings. Sometimes I fantasize about writing and I get an ache in my chest and almost cry. For me, creative is my passion and when I’m depressed, I ignore that side of myself. There’s nothing wrong with being logical and analytical, but it was never my default when I felt happy. I need to find a way to feel again, in healthy ways. I hope someone relates and we can all make a plan to find our happiness again.",2 "Note: I couldn't choose between success and empathy. Aldo sorry if this ends up being long, y'all know how streams of consciousness can be. So first off; not officially diagnosed yet. Have most of the symptoms, have a specialist appointment, and when at rock bottom a month ago I begged my family doctor to try Vyvanse because nothing else has worked. Effexor was the closest thing to working, and it has a secondary usage to treat mild ADHD symptoms. I feel wonderful, and very human again and I almost cry every day because I'm feeling tremendously better. Actual post: I'm 29, married (partly for love, partly to sponsor my American husband to get his Canadian PR), now have a below market rent (for Vancouver, which is still pricy) apartment in a great part of the city with, no joke, one of the best views of downtown. I moved there from a rental that was nice enough when I got off the streets, but has been mouse infested for years. I have a job I just started a month ago that pays very handsomely, in customer service. I haven't graduated high school, or college, or made more than a dollar over minimum wage before. Every other person in my training group has had years of customer service experience, and I have horrendous phone anxiety, which is getting better by proxy of my job being talking to customers on the phone all day. It's also my first time working in an office environment, so that's fun. I'm definitely feeling some level of suspicion. I had that terrible thing happen a lot where I would get bored or anxious and I'd fall apart so my life would follow. Stop going to work, stop taking care of myself, fall back on my disability income and become an actual hermit, ghost everyone I know. That sort of thing I imagine is relatable to some folks here. So while I'm super proud of myself for doing all of this Cool Stuff recently, there's always going to be that nagging little voice in the back of my head that worries that it'll fall apart. And until my husband's work permit comes through, I am the sole breadwinner. If i fall apart, everything does. His family has been super great at helping us when times are rough, or things are expensive like the move we just had. (like, literally we've been living here for a week) Basically I needed to vent and not feel so alone. The imposter syndrome is creeping a bit. I know I'm intelligent, but I also throw myself in too hard and burn out easily and struggle with the more boring/frustrating day-to-day aspects of work. Thanks for listening/reading my ridiculous stream of consciousness. Much love to you folks, and know that despite being an abject failure/hermit/homeless/garbage gremlin (I've been all of these things) it can get better and it can take a while to figure out out but I believe I you.",0 "My husband shaved his beard in a different way to normal. That was yesterday. I still cant look at his face. It makes me feel really uncomfortable and makes me want to cry. I told him I am sorry. I told him I have difficulties looking at him because of this sudden change. And I realize this is ridiculous but still I feel so bad inside. I feel bad for him (he wants to feel handsome and now his wife cant even look at him) and I feel bad for myself (I dont want his face to look different and this is stupid). Tell me your stories with difficulties relating to changes. Maybe this would cheer me up.",3 "Hello,I have some problems.when i like sb I do what ever i can and do my best for them but none of them love me and thats the reason i hate my self help me pls i cant get rid of my toughts and it hurts i think nobody loves me",2 "it's 2:23am on a Friday/Saturday night/morning on the west coast of the US. i'm having an existential crisis that never ends. it envelopes every aspect of my life. i would love to have relief from the thoughts. i keep trying to convince myself that life is worth living. but it just sounds like i'm lying to myself. none of my experiences are remotely enjoyable. i feel way too old for this life. 47 friggin' years. i'm tired.",2 "Hey everyone my (20M) long distance girlfriend (19F) of 1 year has been depressed for like 3 months on and off. She seemed fine for awhile but then went back to acting the same way. When I try to ask how she feels she says she's fine and when I ask her whats going on she says she's busy with some stuff but never more specific than that. I know she planned to start college in the fall and get a new job but didn't ig that's stressing her out but she hasn't told me about it Im lost. Any advice?",2 "I have been talking to my psychiatrist about ADHD. He's ignored me forever. Last week I put him on the spot and told him I want to get tested or evaluated. He said since I didn't have symptoms as a kid, I didn't have it. He then proceeded to tell me he only recommends holistic treatment for ADHD. Omega 3 for example Any recommendations on what I should do next? Any recommendations on psychiatrist in the Bay Area, specifically East Bay.",0 "Basically, when I don’t play video games, which is my only hobby, I get extremely bored, so since ADHD is basically having a under-stimulated brain. Personally, can video games help stimulate my brain or somehow help with my ADHD?? This is a very important question for me, as I am very curious to see your answers…",0 "My name is Dr. Sam Greenblatt. I treat many patients who report they’ve been to an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) specialist who used exposure and response prevention (ERP), diligently completed all therapy homework assigned by their clinician, and received no results, dissatisfying results or rebounded to their previous level of OCD within a short period of time following termination. Rest assured, this is a pattern outside of my personal experience. While the non-response rate to ERP is great compared to other treatments, it remains that 14-31% of clients do not respond to treatment. Even more alarming than this statistic is that 50-60 percent of clients report undergoing at least a partial relapse after treatment! (see [Inhibitory learning approaches to exposure therapy: A critical review and translation to obsessive-compulsive disorder - ScienceDirect](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272735816300599) for more). Over my years of treating hundreds of patients, reviewing well established research of the past 15 years, and receiving guidance from some of the most brilliant OCD specialists of our time, I am confident as to why this occurs and what can be done to remediate this pattern. **OCD treatment is so effective because we’ve created a brilliant form of therapy for it. OCD treatment is falling short because we are implementing the treatment in not just an unoptimized, but a problematic way.** #### Emotional processing theory: Well intentioned and outdated This happens a lot in the field of healthcare. Famously, many medications were developed not because scientists knew exactly how or why they worked, but rather discovered that they *do* work, and afterwards developed theories as to why. Sometimes the initial theories are correct and sometimes they are not. The research for years now has frequently shown that the model that was developed to explain why ERP is effective has many holes in it. If you’ve gone through unsuccessful ERP based treatment, you were probably taught how it works along the following lines: The root of OCD is that a broken alarm plays in the brain, warning against a proposed danger, and the OCD sufferer responds to that signal with distressed reaction (compulsing). This is treated through exposures, where the client resists the urge to compulse when they are triggered. As a result of doing so, the client unpairs the brain’s connection between the OCD theme and distress and the distress goes away. The problem is, this rationale has long been disproven. A [number of studies](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0272735816300599) show that: * Habituation is not related to treatment outcome * Complete habituation is not often possible * If the patient’s OCD theme switches, the client will have to start from square one as habituation to a former theme would not apply to the new one. (This point in particular may be why relapse after OCD treatment is so high). Along with these fallacies comes another issue. Placing pressure on the exposures to reduce distress makes them more likely to become targets of obsessions. Clients become more likely to obsess that they are doing exposures incorrectly and that their distress will never die down, and develop compulsions around their exposures, such as doing them more frequently, to try to assuage that fear. Of course as all compulsions do, this only makes the OCD worse. Lastly, the ERP model reinforces the maladaptive concept that anxiety is bad and undesirable. As with many thoughts and feelings, the more power we lend a concept by dreading it, the more likely it will be to pop up. So all hope is lost: ERP has a huge relapse rate and the theory used to explain it is built on a flimsy premise, right? But wait a minute! ERP still works- it has amazing success rates- even though EPT clearly doesn’t explain why. If we can figure out what is really fueling the effectiveness of therapy and focus on that, we can take a great treatment and enhance it even further. #### Along comes Inhibitory Learning Theory ILT is by no means a new and untested theory. A landmark paper on ILT for OCD was written [back in 2008](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0005796707002057) and since then this approach has gained more and more support, with some of the most reputed OCD researchers of our time [contributing to its development](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S2211364914000992). A quick academic search of OCD treatment articles written in the last ten years will find a trend of enthusiastic support for this theory. Sadly, as with much of the healthcare world, there is a sizeable gap between research and practice. As a result many modern practitioners have not even heard of this years old shift in theory. The premise of ILT is built around fundamental truths in psychology. **New learning does not replace past learning.** When we learn new ways of relating to our OCD themes through ERP, we don’t previous associations with it. Here’s a metaphor: I used to have a contentious view of my dad, but now we have a great relationship. Our present relationship doesn’t make me forget the difficulties we had in the past: occasionally my dad will say or do something that elicits difficult feelings in me that used to be more frequent in our relationship, but this distress is no longer the default response. Instead, the closeness I have with him today is the louder of those two voices. The same goes for treatment of OCD. Because someone with OCD has a broken alarm system in their brain, they may always have a predilection to experience a false alarm that something is wrong. However, through exposures they can learn a new way of relating to those signals that becomes the default response they naturally turn to. By structuring the ERP to work in this way, we can expect much more consistent results. No longer do we view the results of therapy as dependent to a variable that we are not in direct control over (our emotions). Instead, the goal of therapy is very logically within our grasp: it is about establishing a healthier relationship to anxiety by learning how to relate to it in a different way. When we learn to ascribe irrelevance to the brain’s broken signals by not responding to them, we rob those signals of any power or influence they have over our lives. **The end result is practicality the same as if the distress was abolished**: a patient’s life goes on unaffected and untarnished by the OCD signals. They become empowered to navigate throughout life as if the signals never existed. I hope this article reaches those struggling who feel like they've tried everything. As long as you are motivated and active in the therapy process, I really believe treatment can work.",1 I skateboard and sometimes bike. I want to hear others on the spectrum's sport activity.,3 "I just need to get my mind straight right now so lets talk. We can talk about anything, movies, games, I'm really into model kits.",3 "Quite often recently I keep having episodes where I think something out. Go to implement usually work emails or client communications and as I'm typing out what I had in my brain everything does a 180 and my brain moves on to something else without my consent but my hands are still trying to finish what I originally started out. Then I go to read what I just did and I sound completely drunk or high. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! This used to happen a lot when I was younger but then it went away for a long time starting around the time I graduated high school. Now at 41 all of a sudden it seems to be happening with more frequency. I'm not talking about a long timeframe either. Maybe 60 seconds mapping something out in my head. Then 30 seconds into implementation and BAM! Squirrel! I'm pretty good at longer-term and reeling myself back in but that momentary lapse causes some major productive issues.",0 "I am still very new to researching this and I have not got a formal diagnosis. I am just wondering if I should bring this up to my psychiatrist. I need things to be a very specific way. For example, something almost constantly has to be touching the middle of my palm or my whole body feels uncomfortable. Sometimes I get stuck eating the exact same food made in the exact same way for weeks because of the taste and texture, my brain won't allow me to eat anything else. I sometimes do things over and over again until it feels right eg. Opening and closing my blinds until the ""clack"" it makes when it hits the bottom sounds right. Or getting stuck doing one thing such as holding a ball because I'll feel weird if I put it down. I'm also quite specific about temperature and can have panic attacks from being a little cold. I also can't stand the sound of a beeping microwave.",1 "Okay so I have my comfort Zones while working and told that I would never clean bathrooms or anything that gave me issues. But today I overcame those fears and issues and utterly destroyed who know how many germs and tribes of the Delta Variant were destroyed by my own will by using nothing more then a spray bottle and cleaning rag. I don’t know why but it just made me very proud that I destroyed germs that have killed over thousands of people and were hurting us all in one way or another and it was just very satisfying seeing them get there just deserved retribution and me conquering them! Now I consider myself Germicus Maximus and Delticus Maximus, Conqueror of the Germs and Delta Variant. Either way I feel proud for doing what I did and love my Job.",3 "I'd say I'm pretty good at written maths. I'm consistently getting the equivalent of a grade A in my maths exams and I'm going to take Maths and Further Maths next year. However, I literally cannot do maths in my head without paper or a calculator. Even something simple like 1000-10, I cannot do. The numbers just sit there in my head and refuse to interact. Half of the things I do I have to commit to memory and remember some kind of pneumonic to remember them. This was my downfall for years where I just assumed 6+7=11 because it rhymed, and when someone said ""no, it's 13"", I genuinely couldn't figure out what they meant until I counted on my fingers. I know this isn't an issue with visualizing numbers in my head, because I have a really good ability to visualize numbers. So technically I could write out the sum in my head and do it that way, but it still doesn't work unless I can physically see it with my eyes.",3 "I'm a 37yo male who has recently (within the last fortnight) been diagnosed. Leaving aside the fact that I can't believe it wasn't caught or recognised sooner, does anyone else really struggle with the shortest of waits? I work in software development and will often need to open a new application to execute a certain task. The problem is: The application inevitably takes 30 seconds or so to fully load and that's enough time for me to get sidetracked. Usually it's checking my phone, going to make a coffee, or even doing other work. Then, minutes or hours later, I realise I haven't done what I intended to. tl;dr - I open applications and the loading time is longer than my ability to stay on task.",0 "I’m bragging a little bit because I’d never be able to do this completely sober, but after having a drink I was legit able to flirt smoothly for the first time and have it reciprocating really well. The conversation went like this: Me: “So was it difficult getting hired here” Her: “No not really, but I have prior barista experience” Me: “Well I guess that makes sense, you’re also relatively attractive which brings in more money” Her: *Smiles* That’s what I’ve been talking about. Then we got into an interesting conversation where I gained a possible lead where I could get a gig working as a writer. Something I’ve always wanted to do. I’m never this smooth completely sober. I’m wondering if anyone else here is like that?",3 "Maybe it's just me, but if it's not obvious that you want to have a conversation with me, then I will just continue to live inside of my head. I sort of have a strict policy with myself not to interact with someone, unless they start. Of course I will greet people if the start of a social interaction is very clear, but sometimes it isn't. I've had three people sit me down today to tell me that I'm an asshole. And all this time, I thought everything was fine. They laughed when I said that they need to be obvious when they want to talk to me. The life I live is in stark contrast to the lives these people live, and it's hard to not think that something is utterly wrong with me.",3 "I just missed a therapy session I forgot about yesterday even though I KNOW I've been planning, to meet this therapist for weeks now. I wrote it down but that still didn't even convince my brain to hold that piece of information. I've been on the edge, nervous about this appointment for weeks and now I have to wait another month. I could've gotten my sh*t together a DAY AGO and went, but NOPE! Brain go bye bye. I'm about to ball my eyes out...",0 "I need some help moving forward in my life maybe some peer support I am sitting here spinning with my past,, What people will think and so on it’s driving me insane. Looking back I realize that I had HOCD at 16. Mine was severe my OCD I turned to drugs once the depression set in, I actually acted or tried something with someone to try to get rid of my OCD it was horrible I feel horrible about my past I was 19 I am 35 now. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I need to do with myself? Like how to handle this it’s devastating me. I know I am only attracted to women I don’t know how to talk to my wife anymore I feel so lost… I feel isolated and alone.. and worst off just pain gross about me.",1 "I (27, F, UK) was diagnosed in April, tried methylphenidate (Xaggitin) but couldn’t tolerate it at all and had horrific physical and mental side effects, then was given lisdexamphetamine (Elvanse). Worked up to 60mg but came to realise I was a little anxious, on edge, and struggled with my appetite. Now I take 50mg and get the same sort of output as the higher dose. I’ve taken Elvanse for 6 months now but I still struggle with focus, motivation, completing tasks, taking too long to do tasks, paralysis, and time is flying by at a rate I can’t keep up with. I have seen some improvements for sure but not to the extent that I feel good about my day to day functioning. I feel like my medication is becoming less effective but a higher dose isn’t helpful. I track my symptoms but they don’t show anything interesting other than the fact life sucks. I understand part of managing ADHD is learning better strategies and what not but it seems like such an impossible uphill battle even with medication. Has anyone else felt like this, and if so what helped you to get the best out of treatment? I don’t have any other options in terms of stimulant medication - methylphenidate is a definite no, mixed amphetamine salts like Adderall aren’t prescribed here, which only leaves me with amphetamines. My doctor won’t let me have immediate release so dexamphetamine is out, but a higher dose of Elvanse isn’t helpful. I’ve heard that a combination of stims and non-stims can be effective though, has anyone tried this? Can’t afford therapy or coaching unfortunately.",0 "So, I haven’t been doing to well mentally lately and I had an appointment with my therapist earlier this week and during that appointment I mentioned that I didn’t think that my mental issues were a therapy issue and his immediate response was to threaten to pull all therapy resources that my health insurer is providing. This really surprised me, it’s as though he perceived that notion as a direct threat. It came off to me that his mentality was that I was required to pretend that the therapy was helping even if it wasn’t or all those resources would be pulled. So, drink their Kool-Aid or be left to die… Any thoughts? This was weird right?",2 "Looking for general info and advice here... our kids, both under 7, recently lost a similar aged sibling. Both are seeing a qualified therapist weekly but for the hills and valleys of daily trauma-effects... what else can we do to help them? For example- 1 acts-out like the sibling in hopes it will bring them back; sometimes both of them disassociate; other times both are extremely moody; etc. Are there grounding techniques for kids? Other things? Thx in advance 🤗",3 "Thanks for humoring me :) — I am a brand new person  Now that I’ve received  medication Don’t expect me to be a fuck up You’ll be out of luck Cause I’m a god damn brand new human being Let’s go Uh oh uh oh We're burnin down the house again I don’t remember turning on the stove Uh oh uh oh We're crashing your party, whoa Cause I don't wanna be alone It's nice to know That's it's so easy being brand new Just take a pill But this feelings fleeting sometimes it goes I'd be a super human If I could just remember how to do it And by it I mean anything All the way And honey won't give me the time of day She’s says everything I got to say Is so cliche   Tired excuses Uh oh uh oh Burnin down the house again And I can never find the door Uh oh uh oh I’ll show up to your party, hey But I don’t really wanna go Oh So what now That I’ve got it all figured out So What now  I made the pharmacist laugh and get distracted when I asked her that ​ ​ I have a soundcloud demo of it, not sure if I'm allowed to share the link per the rules about self promotion",0 "I’ve struggled with depression for more than half my life, recently my depression has gotten significantly worse - to the point of feeling suicidal. I’ve masked so much in my life that people who are close to me don’t believe I’m as depressed as I am. I don’t know what to do to make them realize where I am mentally & others discounting my condition only make it worse…",3 "Like this, I never knew I had this or that it existed but here it is. It happened to me last year that I didn't pay much attention because it passed very quickly, during the visit to the church (I go every week) as if I felt I was insulting the saints, or the people in the church, or the people leading the service / liturgy. These were not my conscious thoughts, but these were thoughts that came to my mind by chance, only that I set out too much to fight them so that I was so upset. The same thing happened to me a week ago during the service, during the mention of the name of the Most Holy Mother of God, those insulting thoughts happened, more precisely, I did not allow my brain to speak because I fought against it with all my strength and I was very upset. 80% of the liturgy I was happy but those 20% crippled me. I came home in tears literally because those thoughts happen to me, which are inappropriate for such a place where I am. A couple of times it has happened to me to struggle with myself not to think about some black, sexual thoughts, thoughts about illness. I was so scared and panicked that I am convinced that if I continue to think like this, or have sex with my girlfriend, or if my attitude or my opinion differs from the opinion of the church or some clergyman, that God will punish me with some disease, I don't know why I've been so burdened with diseases lately (I'm generally hypochondriac, and I had a severe hypochondria attack a month ago, Thank God, everything is fine with health). I was also afraid that if I went to the doctor for therapy, it would be bad. The problem is that I never knew how to let go of those thoughts just, not to fight them. Then I read about these intrusive thoughts and realized that it is not a rare thing and that it happens often to people. that it's actually an ocd disorder, since I've often had ""rituals"" when I come to church, that I need to kiss all the icons, or that I have to come every week. Sometimes I even have a reflex when I cross myself. I used to burp, now I have a stiffness in my neck and a feeling in my ""groin"" so that I don't express myself ugly (nothing sexual attracts me, nothing perverted) I just feel such pressure. I wonder if anyone has encountered this? I went to therapy and I will mention it to my doctor, Thank you for your time*📷*",1 "I have been feeling really frightened during my sleep for a couple of times. It's like I am about to die or in the middle of a very dangerous situation. I feel paralyzed totally unable to move or wake up. My chest feels tight and heart beat gets very fast. It also feels like I am holding my breath. Usually I don't wake up until a couple of hours later and then I am extremely exhausted for the rest of the day. I never have this happen so bad when I'm awake.",3 "Does anyone else talk to their pets and that brings you enjoyment? I especially like when you say “treat” or “outside” and the ears perk up on my dog. It’s interesting because I am teaching my dog to be bilingual since my wife is Spanish speaking (the dog was hers and then became ours) but it’s a little awkward saying phrases in public that people around us don’t understand 🤣🤣🤣🤣 like “venga” which means come here",3 "i'll be solving some puzzles in my head that i'm barely even conscious of when i wake up or get a little more aware of what i am doing, like it is a background process or something. it tires me, these racing thoughts make my brain feel worn out and i feel physically stressed and fatigued almost because of it. anything you think is similar or might be the cause, or could help stop this or ease it would help me immensely.",1 Hello! My psychiatrist recently raised my wellbutrin xl. For context I am on Yaz (birth control) and adderall xr. It's only been about six weeks but my period has been crazy since she raised the wellbutrin. I had weeks of breakthrough bleeding then when I did get my period it's been really heavy. Has this happened to anyone else? Will it go away or is it decreasing the effectiveness of the Yaz? Thanks for any advice.,0 "so these days I have these extreme harm ocd thoughts, and I'm actually scared of myself, have you ever had this feeling? This is too much tbh, I don't wanna deal with this anymore. And the feeling of being detached from my body like I'm in a dream. This all makes me feel nauseous.",1 "No one could tell my son has autism but I graduated in the field child development so I picked up on the very minor red flags. 1. He can’t play with himself; he needs help with imaginative play and ideas during play. I can build so many things with blocks but he cannot come up with ideas and will give up. He’s always bored even though one living room was made into a play area. He wants quick results and is impatient. 2. He thinks black and white—logic is important. Likes concrete concepts. His teacher said he is the most black and white kid she has ever met. 3. Sensory: we went to a wedding and he said the loud music was bothering him. Twinkle twinkle little star used to make him cry when he was a child and up till this day it’s a no, no. But loud music bothers me too and drains me mentally. 4. He is obsessive with friends—prefers one friends rather than group of friends because it’s difficult socializing/keeping up with many children. He is competitive and also very sensitive to comments 5. He sniffs me for comfort: my nose because he says it’s soft. But I love smelling my husbands shirt for comfort or smelling him when I hug him. 6. Very observant and remembers and noticed things we can never. Whenever my husband gets his tires changed in the winter, my son noticed right away! At first glance like who even looks at tired lol! Does this all sound like autism? How can I support him? I am trying to work on black and white thinking. I am telling him to only sniff my cheeks. He does not do that in public though. He knows what is acceptable and unacceptable in public gathering. Anything? I am a mother and wish the best for my child.",3 "what are a good lense for light sensitivity, especially indoors? i have transitional, but it's not always helpful indoors. anybody tried tinted with a ""fashion"" color for indoor use? Thought about maybe try rose tinted because of the saying ""seeing the world through rose tinted glasses"" and was thinking hey maybe that actually helps",3 "Hi everyone, I was diagnosed with OCD a year ago and I have a lot of questions because no one has sat me down and really explained this. Ive nailed down one compulsion: I take baths at least 4 times a day or more when Im stressed out, but I dont really know what compulsions look like so Im not sure if theres more. I also struggle heavily with intrusive thoughts about hurting my ex and her family. They just pop in to my head and it takes me for a horrible ride and I cant stop it. I dont wanna hurt anyone but I keep getting these thoughts and nothing helps. I attributed that to OCD but I could be wrong. Can someone please tell me if Im wrong and how to figure out whats going on with me? Im desperate at this point, its been a year of constant torture.",1 "For context, we were together roughly a year and a half. Things weren’t always awesome but when it was good, it was insanely good. I suppose I’m writing this into the abyss to try and figure out how to cope with the things she’s done. None of it seems accidental. I’m in therapy, I’m medicated for depression and anxiety, and I’m doing okay. But holy shit if I don’t have really incredibly low moments each day. Since the breakup she has: Spent the following couple weeks sleeping with me, telling me she loves me, telling me she only ever wants to be physical with me, wants to make dinners together, cuddle, watch movies, etc. She also said things when leaving the apartment we shared like, “I want you to tell me you’ll miss me tonight so that I can tell you I’ll miss you too.” She called me at 4am because she wanted to hear my voice. But she ended it. And she’ll also say things like,” I don’t want you to use this against me.” She told me I was being overbearing by reciprocating this to her. That we needed more distance. It felt too “normal” like we were in a relationship again. That our sexual chemistry was so much more exciting right after the breakup and over the course of two weeks it just got regular again. I was upset. I got drunk. I told her that she wasn’t being kind. That I felt like her behavior was narcissistic and wrong. That I didn’t trust her and that I didn’t deserve to be treated like this. She said I was scaring her- which disarmed me. I don’t want to scare anyone. I would never hurt anyone. In our relationship, she hit me. Left scars on my arms. She called the police on me because I took her keys when she was trying to drive while incredibly drunk. The police asked if I wanted to press charges and I said no. She ended up sleeping at another guys house that night- a friend from junior high. I’m supposed to believe nothing happened. And I do, kinda. But it’s hard. She went through my phone then tried to end it with me because she didn’t want to be in a relationship where she felt like she had to do that. She didn’t find anything bad- I was wholly committed to her. She told me I could only talk to one friend about relationship issues. She told me I couldn’t vent on social. She’s said really horrible things to me. After the breakup, after she left because I scared her, I was packing my things to move out and had thrown away a few decorative pumpkins from Halloween. I got home later that night and they were out of the trash- instead a bunch of pictures and love letters were in there. There was room for all- she must have pulled them out just so I would see. How cruel. Since then, she’s charged my credit card, has found a way to subvert her blocked number on my phone, spies on my instagram stories from different accounts, posted photos of an anniversary vacation we took and edited me out of them… but she ended it. I have my keys to the apartment still as my only security that she will restructure the lease so I’m not financially ruined by this if she defaults. She’s been emailing me constantly about them, saying really hurtful shit. I largely have not engaged. I will return the keys to management. She posted a tik tok that was incredibly disgusting, almost making it look like I died. Very intimate videos of us together, in love, and the narration was like “I never knew it would be the last kiss… last adventure… I’m rebuilding in the shell of a home that used to be ours and I’m learning to love myself without you.” How absolutely fucking cruel. Unbeknownst to me, a friend of mine saw it and posted it on Reddit. She got dragged for it and users went on there to leave horrible comments. I asked him to take it down. I don’t want her to hurt. She wanted me gone and I’ve been gone. I know all of this should give me reason to be done. I’m so incredibly hurt. Why do I want her to change her mind? Why do I still want her? Why doesn’t she want me?",2 "Long story short my landlord decided he could turn me straight and when I turned him down he went ape shit and started threatening my roommate. We where babysitting 2 young girls (nieces) and I was hiding them in the spare room and all I had was a fucking knife to defend myself, I was scared shitless and didn’t know what to do. And do you know what I had to think about, the fact that these 2 girls have the chance to see me be raped, I knew that if this horrible excuse of a man got into the house I was his target and so I had decided on this. If he got in I would shove the girls in the closet and get them to cover there ears and scream, scream as loud as possible so they wouldn’t hear me and I would willingly give myself to him to protect the girls, ANYTHING to protect those girls. I’ve NEVER even thought that I would ever think something like this would happen but here we are. I’m now sitting here a few weeks after the incident thinking about how This man almost ruined 4 lives in one night. I’m so glad my roommate was able to defuse the situation and we have now moved on as best we can",3 "Recently, my therapist recommended that I visit a psychiatrist to get a psychiatric assessment to see if a change in medication could pair well with our sessions. I've been in therapy (consistently) for about three months now (I've done it off and on before over the years as well), and after trying a few different medications, I have been on 50g of Elavil for about four years now, but I've never worked with a psychiatrist before. For anyone who has implemented a psychiatrist into your treatment, what should I expect in comparison to traditional therapy? Did you find the difference in approach beneficial? For my situation (explained below), do you think psychiatry may be a better fit for combating this disease, or should the two approaches (therapy) be pair in most situations? A little background: I (28m) have been living with OCD for years, varying in impact at various times in my life. I've dealt with multiple variations of the disease, from a stint of hOCD heavily four years ago for a few months, to simple overthinking, to more recently pOCD and a fear of getting arrested. Recent examples of intrusive thoughts I received include relationships with women I had up to ten years ago in late high school and early college who were within a three year range of me and being look at as a sexual predator now. Another is a mixture of pOCD and Real Even OCD, where I have intrusive thoughts and possible false memories of when I was 14 sexting a girl the same age as me was in junior high. I remember putting the picture she sent me on my PSP memory card so I wouldn't get in trouble having it on my cell phone and my mind is telling me randomly now that I never deleted (found it 7 or 8 years ago and I think I did delete then but can't remember). I have no idea where the memory stick is so now my mind is running circles telling me I'm going to be charged with CP possession one day, ruining my life and losing all the good things in it (my fiancee, my dog, family, etc). It feeds on things that I haven't thought of in YEARS, which is the most surprising and frustrating thing. Appreciate the feedback, friends!",1 "Can someone please tell me that there is a way to stop getting cold because of meds. Ritalin is making me so so so cold that I’m sitting at home with thermal wear, and my winter coat, and the heater is on too. It’s hard to use the keyboard and the mouse with gloves on so my hands literally freeze while I’m working, and I can barely move them.",0 it’s getting harder everyday and the urges are getting stronger.,2 "Hey there, so I’m 26m, and have had insomnia since I was 12, sleeping issues most of my life. I was out of town last week visiting with friends. I wasn’t worried about waking up late, so I had caffeine pretty late into the night/evening all week, and despite being on a very uncomfortable bed, I slept amazingly. Fell asleep quick, slept through the night. I realized the correlation and wanted to try at home. Last night was my first night back, same success. It’s now nearly bedtime and I’m actually sleepy, and expecting similar results. Has anyone experienced this? I can’t find anything directly related to this online. Thanks y’all!",0 "Recently a lot of annoying things have been happening in my life and I've found myself incredibly irritated most of the time and it hasn't been taking a lot to make me lose it, which is uncharacteristic of me. To be honest, I'm not even sure why I'm stressed anymore either. Can you relate? Is there a way to cope with it and relax? I'm probably wording it all wrong, but with these things I'm incredibly thick.",3 "Hey all, Ive been suffering with OCD intrusive thoughts since I was 10 years old, and after a long process of non medicated treatments I thought i was finally going to be just fine. Until recently when I was offered multiple scholarships to attend schools in the US when everything and everyone i know is here in the UK. My thoughts were always worrying about those back home whenever i was away from them for any period of time and Im petrified at the fact that ill be on the other side of the world unable to see them everyday. Anybody know anything that could help or feel a similar way? Thanks",1 "For starters I was forced to go to a party that I didn’t want to go to because my history with the hosts has been nothing short of controversial then while at the party this guy was grabbing me because we were playing Marco Polo. I didn’t like that very much and I did the same to him but the difference was he went underwater and I wanted to get him so bad and then my parents called me multiple times to get him off (in short I was drowning him) I then became overwhelmed with the situation and got out of the pool then I had a meltdown in front of everyone and isolated myself from everyone, I was scared and then my dad arrived and said if I didn’t get back in I was going to be punished I never got back in. I hate myself, why can I be normal?",3 "Thought of it just now, reminded me of how we live our life As Aspies.",3 "They fucking turn my internet off at 9pm. Then turn it back on at 1pm the next afternoon. Isn't that swell? It's fucking stupid is what it is. My mother says it's ""to help wigh my mental health"" but it honestly just fucking makes it worse. Idk about other people but evenings are *awful* for my depression. Like the absolute worst time of day for me. I really enjoy(ed) being able to hope on with friends and play some video games or even just watch YouTube until late and then go to sleep. But of course I can't do that anymore. Instead I'm supposed to what, lay in my bed and be stuck with my constant thoughts of depression and suic1de? Not being able to hang with friends and chat with them in the evening sucks so much and doesn't help with my mental health at all. But of course mom doesn't seem to think so after all she's àght and I'm younger so I must be wrong, right? 🙃 I have nothing. No job, because the last time I got one I had a severe panic attack after I got home from just one shift and quit the next day. No license, because I'm to anxious to drive. Nothing. All of my 2 friends and online friends who live in another country so I can only talk with them *with the internet*. Everyone I physically knew in life from school and whatnot has moved on and couldn't care less of my existence. What should I do? What should I say to my stubborn af mother? I need help. I honestly dont see a future for myself. I know that from what you read this seems probably very petty and small but I swear this had been going on for sj many years and I can't take it anymore. I went through therapy but after like 6 appointments my mom canceled it because we ran out of benefits and that was it. I got signed up to some free therapy but it just seemed so much worse. I haven't tried online therapy yet but from what I have read from other people it often isn't very good. Idk what to do. I just need help. Thanks for reading this far I guess if you did, and letting me vent.",2 "The deadline to submit it was a week ago. I try to force myself to write it, but I feel angry and tired after a minute of staring at the screen. Now I think to myself, ""How pathetic. I can't even write a fucking paper."" Even if I drop out, what could I do instead? I can't go to school regularly, last year I didn't pass because of that, now I'm doing the year part-time, going to school on the weekends and sitting at home wasting my life away in front of a computer. Where would I work? There is no job I can do. An essay is too much for me, so how can I expect to be able to work for multiple hours every day? I feel worthless. And even if I could work, I don't want to. Why do I have to earn to live? I didn't ask to be born, and now it's my problem. This is so stupid. Just because I have lived for 19 years doesn't mean I learned anything in that time. I'm just an irresponsible child, and I am expected to do actual responsibilities. Just because I know algebra doesn't mean I'm not at maturity of a toddler!",2 "(F22) I remember as a child being bullied a lot. In this case we were 5 years old. One of the girls wasn’t doing it a lot; she seemed the nicest in the group. It was her friends mostly doing it. I think she laughed along, carrying on the bullying w her friends, but she was probably kinda ignorant to the jokes and stuff going on. One day she invited me to her birthday party, bc her mom made her invite all the girls in the class. She had a super nice house and I was jealous of her life: friends, parents, etc. I had a horrible time at the party. When we came back to school the next week, she said something to me. I don’t remember how it happened, but I remember going up to her and explaining in detail how I will kill her parents. Maybe as a threat if they bully me again, or I just said it. I was 5. I used to be super mean to my younger sister growing up too, whom no longer talks to me now. And I resented my most recent ex so much, I made him absolutely miserable. I know I’m manipulative. But idk what this part of me could be. I’ve never gotten diagnosed for something besides Pure O/severe depression/anxiety/bipolar.",1 "I'm so depressed. Turning 24 very much in a few days... All I've ever wanted since I was like 12 was to have a partner. But I'm ugly and not financially stable. (I make like 50k but live in Vancouver which is basically only livable at least 80k if not 100k). I failed out of uni like...2 times lmao. (Two different unis). Idk I tried so hard but couldn't concentrate. I'm from a brown household and culture so education is very very important. If you don't have a bachelor's, forget about getting a traditional desi girl haha. My parents are hopeless for me as well because of my lack of education. During my highschool years as many people here, I was ""gifted"". Legitimately was pretty damn good in school. Uni was different. I failed once. Took a year break. Got some motivation. First term on this other uni, low grades, didn't fail but not good enough. Second term I straight up failed. Third term the university kicked me out. This was in...2018?? My entire confidence and personality at that time was I was good at studying. When I failed this fourth time (cuz it's the forth term), I suffered an ego death of sorts. I completely fell and lost myself. I'm still lost. Have been lost since 2018. A complete failure with no hope. It is said that humanity has gotten so far due to hope, even if failable. So me losing complete and utter hope for... anything for everything. It was and is a devestating blow to me. Anytime the topic of school comes up or studying my body wants to throw up physically. I'm not exaggerating here. Idk I have some sort of ptsd against it now. I have so much anxiety going to family gatherings. I used to be talkative and love family gatherings. Now I dread them and try to be as unnoticeable as possible. Just stay silent, almost curled into a ball. 2018...2019..2020...2021...and now 2022. 5 years.. 😞😞😞",2 "I feel like I am drowning in my life. I don't know what to do. I often feel like the world doesn't care. I know I should probably talk to a Psychologist but every time I have tried i always forget to do something and my appointment is canceled. I hate feeling like I can't get anything right. I need help but I'm scared of opening up to those closest to me. I know logicly that they care about me but for some reason I just can't talk. It is weird that I can say this stuff online to millions of strangers but I can't for the ones that are close to me, it is annoying. I also feel trapped at the job I am currently working at, I enjoy the people but I don't like the type of work that I am doing, because of that I have very conflicted feelings about trying to get a different job. If I could get some advice and suggestions I would appreciate it. Also if anyone knows a good way to find a therapist i need help finding one.",0 "For the record I’m a 21 year old woman. this is a throwaway account but I didn’t realize this might be a symptom of OCD until recent. For the record I have anxiety disorder and I get panic attacks but I also get intrusive thoughts or get stuck in the whole “you’re really this” mindset. I can’t change diapers, dress or give babies baths either I get intrusive thoughts or I get uncomfortable and stuck in the whole “I’m a monster who’s going to hurt them” loop. I’ve only been able to change a diaper once and even then I got super uncomfortable. I didn’t realize until recently this might be ocd until I went on a message board and a mom said she couldn’t change her daughter’s diapers because her OCD might get set off. Now it’s to the point where I can barely go to a mall or watch movies with kids or babies in them. I can be around them, I just can’t wait them. I always thought about going to therapy for it but I get scared the therapist might think I’m a monster too and lock me away. And I want to be an English teacher so I’m afraid that it could disqualify me. Do you think I could have both ocd and anxiety disorder?",1 "I was sexually abused most of my childhood (approximately age 5 to 13). It was as severe as it gets. When I'm dating someone I get extremely apprehensive about sex and anything sex related because I feel like I'm something has just been used for someone's evil enjoyment. Also I struggle with being back and forth between overly sexual and zero desires for anything intimate. I know its confusing for the guys I've been intimate with and the guy I most recently dated couldn't grasp this. In fact he thought it was because of him when I would close down. Any advice would be helpful.",3 "About two months ago, i posted here after being diagnosed with OCD. it was the most recent diagnosis in a series of diagnoses. A couple days ago, I realized the positive changes in my life. The intrusive thoughts are still there, but they are less frequent and have less control over me. I have them and then they go away. The obsessions are less frequent and don't consume me. The compulsions used to consume my day but now they are infrequent, take less time, and require a lot more obsessive thoughts in order for them to start. I feel like a person. I don't know what to do with all the extra free time I have. I'm still adjusting to life with less compulsions. The only negative side effect I've had is weight gain. Which I don't think is from the medication per se, but from me looking for control in other aspects of my life since the obsessions and intrusive thoughts aren't filling that and using food to fill that void. But if the worst side effect I've had is a weight gain, I'll take that 10000% over being consumed by OCD again. I know I can be healthy at any size. I'm just so relieved.",1 "So I've had bad anxiety my whole life, and I think I've had at least some level of depression for a while, but the anxiety took over most of the time so it wasn't as much of a problem. Recently I've been getting treatment for my anxiety with therapy and meds, which has helped a little bit, but now that I'm not as focused on my anxiety all the time I feel like I've been noticing a lot more depression symptoms than normal. Granted, I'm kind of new to this so I'm sorry if what I'm saying is ignorant or not exactly right. But basically I've just been having A LOT more days where I cant get myself to do *anything*. Like normally I would feel bad, physically, cause of my anxiety so I couldn't do much anyway. But now, even when I feel ok and not as anxious, I will literally lay on the couch all day and not have the energy or motivation to get up and do anything. To the point where it makes me start to feel anxious anyway, cause I know theres things I have to do and my health anxiety tells me that laying around all day is really bad for my health. But still I just cant get myself to get up. I literally will sit there sometimes saying to myself like ""get up get up get up get up"" but I just can't muster the motivation or energy to do it besides to like, get food or go to the bathroom. It's really been taking a toll on me lately and I'm not sure what to do. Do other people have experience with this? How do I get myself to get up and do what I need to do without having to convince myself for hours at a time?",2 "Hey guys, im wondering if someone has this problem too. Whenever i buy something new (game, album, funko, book...) i get home and im staring at it from all different angles to get confirmation that it really is what it is. Or if im not staring at it, im using everything else i can to get that confirmation. For example, i rented the Lord of the Rings Trilogy from Apple this weekend so i could watch it in 4K for the first time. But i kept checking the tv settings if it really is 4k hdr. Then i went to Youtube to watch some comparison videos to get confirmation again. I ended up not enjoying the movies as much because i was still checking if its 4K or not. Then there is also a problem for me with checking the prize. If i really spend the money that are shown on the bill and not more. Excuse my English.",1 Im 13 and I was in a call with my friends and one of them said something about a girl whos 15 and then he talked about fucking or something and i said as a joke that i jack off to her or something (no i dont its a joke) and we just joked around and one of them said exposed or something and one said something only fans as a joke and this other said shes 15 and i said im 13 i dont care if she made an onlyfans somehow and if i jacked off to her and then i said something like i wouldnt even care if i fucked her or smth im younger and i said i wouldnt even care if im like 10 and i fucked her i meant that as its not illegal for me its illegal for her or bad or whatever and then i said i wouldnt care if i was 9 and i fucked a year old its not my problem or something like that and i dont condone fucking kids i just said that as like its not bad for me its for the older person. Am i a pedo,1 I'm really struggling and contacted friends (during their sleep [which I feel terrible about imposing]) but I'm still trying to slog through the night. I'm safe. I don't think there's any danger. I just want to get through the night. Anybody out there?,2 "For voice calls on like discord or phone I feel extremely uncomfortable talking unless no one else can hear. Thinkng about people snooping on conversations and stuff is really fcking creepy and uncomfortable. Is this an normal, introvert, or aspie thing or am i just weird",3 "I recently got a diagnosis and in learning about ADHD, what it is, how it works, etc. I'm reminded of a book I read in college: Daniel Kahneman's ""Thinking, Fast and Slow."" I highly recommend the book, but the single-sentence synopsis is that we operate primarily in autopilot (""System 1"") and only engage our higher brain functions (""System 2"") when necessary. I couldn't help but feel like ADHD could largely be described as an overactive System 1. This weekend I read ADHD 2.0 by Hallowell and Ratey, and in it they talk about the neurological bases of ADHD. In neurotypical folks, the Task Productive Network (TPN) lights up when engaged in work, and when work ceases, brain energy flows into the Default Mode Network (DMN) that is less intentional and more imaginative. Normally only one network is engaged at a time, but with ADHD the DMN lights up and tries to take over whenever the TPN lights up. I immediately thought that the TPN sounds like System 2 and the DMN like System 1. This morning I did some research and found this research article: [Dual Process Theory of Thought and Default Mode Network: A Possible Neural Foundation of Fast Thinking by Gronchi and Giovannelli](https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01237/full). It backs up my idea that the DMN is the neurological basis of System 1 thinking. I got really excited about this, and I think understanding the System 1/System 2 framework helps me to understand my ADHD a lot better. Have you read Thinking, Fast and Slow, and if so, does this connection make sense to you or shed any light on your ADHD?",0 "I’m in therapy for a lifetime of trauma. I didn’t think of my PTSD as severe because it just seemed normal to me. The hyper vigilance, derealization just to name a couple of things. Yesterday, I was told that I tested on the severe side. I felt sad, for everything I’ve been through, but also extremely relieved. I finally have confirmation from a professional that I was right all along. I have a lot to work on, but it’s going to be ok. It’s not a bad thing. What was your experience?",3 "hi. i’m 17f and i have ocd, specifically pocd. i turn 18 in a month and now i’m scared to interact with anyone younger than me, even other teenagers. i’m not even interested / crushing on anyone younger than me atm. however i see people on reddit saying 18 and 15/16 makes u a pedo, i’m so scared. i went to this gathering and this guy who is friends with my best friend from childhood who’s a year younger than me kept looking at me / passing glances. i am not really attracted to him, and i think he’s 15/16? however i was a bit flattered and i said maybe 3 words to him and then i worried because my voice sounded “different”. i’m so scared because if i were even interested in him would the age gap be bad? i don’t want to date a 15 or 16 year old but i appreciate positive attention. i didn’t say anything bad or sexual even, just something really normal / polite in passing. anyways yeah i am scared bc people on reddit are saying it makes you a predator to have that age gap. there was a guy who i actually liked and we flirted who was only 6 months younger than me, so we were both 17, but i stopped talking to him because of my pocd telling me i cannot even date a person slightly younger. i also am nervous to crush on 17 year olds because i am afraid that even makes me a pedo. my pocd is not consistent at all with ages. one day it will go from little kids to 12 year olds and then to people my own age. i feel really afraid, at this point i will have to milk my preference for older men for all it’s worth because i’m even scared to date someone only slightly older or slightly younger",1 "I was very depressed this night and i was listening to music while crying. And the first time in 2 yrs, since I'm diagnosed with depression, a message from a friend popped up ""hey, everything's ok?"" it was 2am and i never thought anyone is still up. I told him I don't feel good atm and he really helped me this night. I'm so happy and i still believe there are people who cares about me. It was a good feeling....",2 "Since social media became a thing, what’s culturally/socially acceptable to say seems to change faster that I can keep up with and I’m exhausted. I basically rely on “majority” to know what mask to wear so as not to stand out or cause trouble. So I go from somewhat fitting in to suddenly the devil for uttering what I thought was socially acceptable and it’s like having to learn a whole new language all over again from square one. Anyone else feel like that/deal with that??",3 "Sorry if this a dumb question, but I was wondering - what's the difference between a therapist, a counselor and a psychiatrist? I've been diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. I've been going to a counselor at my local health centre for a couple weeks now, but sometimes I wonder if I'm been ""seen"" by the right person. How do I decide who from the above is good for me - if there's indeed a difference?",2 "It feels so foreign to me to ""take time"" for myself or ""treat myself"". I spend a lot of time focused on others and taking care of others but as my wife said ""Who is going to take care of you?"" For me to take time to myself would be taking a month off of work and just coming back when I felt like I wanted to vs having to. That's not entirely feasible to do. I feel my inability to understand how to truly take care of myself or take proper time for myself holds me back. As a husband and employee I feel I've given myself to a higher purpose than just my needs. I'd really like help figuring it out",0 "Okay. So I understand that if I’m experiencing symptoms of PTSD after an event, logically, it must’ve been traumatic, right? Well, for some reason, I just can’t get that through my head. I’m starting trauma therapy for the first time in a few days. Honestly, I’m scared. I feel like my therapist will judge me because my “trauma” doesn’t warrant the symptoms I’ve been experiencing. When I was 13, my best friend attempted suicide and her family blamed it on me. (We had an argument beforehand that lead up to it.) At that point in my life, I was already experiencing a lot of depression and anxiety, so what happened made it worse to the point where I was suicidal and self-harming. I had no support system after the trauma as I had very few friends and a bad relationship with my family. Long story short, I kept everything inside and never processed it. This is what caused my PTSD symptoms, and for four years I’ve been struggling with them alone. I know my trauma isn’t nearly as bad as others. I know that people go through worse and still don’t develop PTSD. To be honest, the fact that my trauma has caused me so much distress makes me feel like a wuss. How is my therapist supposed to take me seriously with such a stupid trauma? How is my family supposed to take me seriously? Yes, I didn’t CHOOSE to develop PTSD, but regardless, I feel pathetic. I almost wish I had been through worse in order to truly justify my symptoms. This sucks.",3 "I set god knows how many alerts and calendar events and auto emails to myself so I don't forget theirs. Never missed one of theirs for the 15 years we've known each other. Had a call with another friend but just was trying to bring the mood down. Absolutely gutted, and I can't focus on anything else right now. Thus why I'm awake 3h before having to get up. Their birthdays are less than a month away. I even got a message from one saying they'd bought their boyfriend a Christmas present today. Haven't had it in me to reply",0 "I find this to be something I struggle with a lot, especially with bras, the feeling of clothes touching my body is reminiscent of the feeling of being touched by a person for me. I end up just wearing baggy clothes all of the time bc I can’t get used to the feeling of normal clothes. I also buy bras that are like way too big. Idk if anyone else struggles with this but I feel so alone sometimes. If you happen to relate have you found anything that helps you??",3 "I've been feeling lonely for a long time, years. Everyone seems to be making new friends except me. I can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm going to die alone and that thought scares me, but I feel like there's nothing I can do to change it. I can't embrace this loneliness and I can't make friends...",2 "*No matter I got out of a long distance very very abusive relationship with someone who I suspect is a narcissist. I always labeled myself to be in the asexual spectrum because I honestly don't have a lot of sexual attraction. My ex conditioned me to be a sexual object he demanded nudes any time anywhere, said he needed me to be ready at all times and made comments such as ""it's mine and I'll take it when i want it"". When he discarded me I went into shock which gave me a psychotic episode (I'm bipolar) not sure if you've heard about this but these people literally throw people away with no warning or closure once they're not good for them anymore it was very traumatizing. I began to hallucinate things and was in a very very bad state of mind. After a while of me spamming him and trying to get him to talk to me all he replied was ""Would you do anything to get me to stay with you?"" followed by a ""make me feel good then"" he told me he wanted me to be his sex object and he coerced me into doing things he knew I wasn't comfortable with by telling me that he'll give me another chance. I wasn't in the right state to consent I just wanted the pain to stop. He ended up throwing me away anyways. I felt so gross and dirty. I ended up trying to take my life because of how used I felt. When I got out I confronted about it and he slut shamed me and said I asked for it. A few weeks later he manipulated me into giving him another chance and I was very traumtized and hypersexual and he took advantage of that. Things got worse and he abused me more until I finally found out that he was cheating on me all year. I have come to terms with the fact that it wasn't my fault and he's just a horrible person. But no matter what I do I still feel like a slut, like an object like someone who is only meant to please. I have not been coping with this good at all I have self harmed my breasts and I cry every time I look at my body. I'm currently doing EMDR with my therapist but I just want to stop feeling like trash all the time.",3 "Do you remember the times you have had flashbacks really well? Like if someone asked how many flashbacks you have had in the last month, would you be able to give a specific number and remember when/where? My answer to that was “5 or 6 times” and someone told me that they weren’t real flashbacks or I would remember for sure.",3 "If you're allistic (non-autistic) with an autistic friend, parent, sibling, classmate, bf/gf, husband/wife, coworker, roommate, etc., and you see this, here's how you talk to and understand autistic people: 1. BE DIRECT. It couldn't be emphasized enough that when you talk to an autistic person, being very direct is the way to go. You don't just be direct, you sometimes have to explain in a lot more detail about how you're feeling, what you're doing, etc. Also don't expect them to pick up on abstract language easily either such as idioms or metaphors. Autistic people's brains are hardwired to not pick up on subtle cues, lies, or abstract language easily since they are naturally literal/concrete thinkers. On the flip side, as a result of this type of thinking, autistic people are often very honest, loyal, and trustworthy. 2. Know what focused interests and info-dumping means. If you go to an autistic person and see them spewing a long lecture about facts about their interest, don't just assume that they're ""egocentric"" or that they're ""selfish"". In fact, they might actually be wanting to be friends with you! When autistic people talk to other people that they're interested in, they usually drop the small talk and move on to the big talk since info-dumping to autistic people would mean conversation of substance rather than talk like weather, sports, etc. They would think that you would probably be fascinated in what they're interested in. 3. Be aware of sensory differences. If you know in any way that they're autistic, just ask them about what bothers them so you could be supportive to your autistic friend. Generally, autistic people tend to be more sensitive to things such as sound, light, texture, smells, temperature, and pain. Autistic brains take up an extreme amount of detail to the point where too much can turn into a meltdown. In fact, autism is sometimes called ""intense brain theory"". Don't take them to loud places without permission or force them to wear uncomfortable clothing or they could have a meltdown! No is no. When you ask them about what you could do to help them, not only are you being helpful, they would love to hear about it since it shows that you're being a good friend. 4. Don't suppress stims. Do not just think that an autistic person has the ""mind or thought of a child"" just because they use their fidget spinner or rock on a chair. You would just be pathologizing and stigmatizing autism even more by doing this. Stimming for autistic people is their unique way of expressing emotions and letting out sensory stimuli. Again, autistic people process sensory stimuli differently and emotions as well, so if you force them to suppress their emotions or sensory stimuli, there would be an embarrassing meltdown! For example, when an autistic person hand flaps or rocks in their chair after like winning the lottery, eating chocolate, or listening to their favorite music, the autistic person is most likely happy. 5. Don't mistake lack of eye contact for anything else. Just because they don't make eye contact doesn't mean they're ""creepy"" or that they have some secret agenda such as ""becoming a school shooter"". As in other points stated above, autistic people's brains are very often extremely detail-oriented and monotropistic which means that their tunnel vision is very intense so eye contact to them would be the sensation of getting stabbed. In fact, if you don't force eye contact upon them, in their mind, they're going to pay attention to you better. 6. Don't expect them to show emotion or tone the way you do. Autistic people may not show emotion or tone on their faces very often, so don't judge them as some ""robot"" or ""psychopath"". It's just that autistic people show it differently as previously said in number 4 that autistic people express their emotions through stimming. If an autistic person stims when they see you, they must be happy to see you! Autistic people even experience emotions very deeply. However, alexithymia is very common in autistic people though, but it doesn't mean they don't experience emotions, but they would just have lots of trouble recognizing what their own emotions are. 7. Don't assume that they lack empathy. Again, if they do not respond the way you guys do like through faces or words, they might just be reacting in a different way. In fact, an autistic person might even have hyper empathy. Keep in mind that autistic people can also have no empathy, but just like anyone else, they can have extreme empathy or no empathy at all. Usually, an autistic person might also seem to ""lack empathy"" while not actually lacking because autistic people have a very hard time relating to your experiences. Actually, this goes in both ways too. Autistic people have a hard time understanding allistic people while allistic people have a hard time understanding autistic people. This is known as the double empathy problem. Because autistic people and allistic people have massive differences in thoughts, interests, preferences, personalities, and more, it is often very hard for the two parties of mixed neurotypes to understand each other's experiences since their brains are vastly different. The way the double empathy problem can be broken down is by you guys asking autistic people about how they experience life while they ask you back about how you guys experience life. That way, even though you guys might not always relate to each other, you both could at least learn from each other's experiences and develop deeper connections. To conclude this, the problems that autistic people have are not mostly as a result of being autistic themselves but because of society since autistic people are the minority and are expected to fit in. So the deal is if autistic people have to constantly learn how to understand you guys' way of interaction and thought processing, then you guys have to also learn about how you would understand autistic people's way of interaction and thought processing. Just think about how you guys would feel if you were the minority while autistic people were the majority. Therefore, we can bring peace to allistic and autistic people and end the crises that autistic people experience, and we can coexist peacefully! If you're reading this as an autistic person though, tell me what do you think of this guide. Will it help?",3 Hello everyone I posted about my POCD experience and someone threatened to call the police on me. I do not like children at all and I can't help I get intrusive thoughts. They're in my messages threatening me,1 I have a serious problem with this sort of thing and it’s something my mom gets really annoyed by. I honestly don’t know why I tell people things me and her talked about in regard to her friends or family but it’s caused a few bumps here and there. What do you think causes this?,3 "I see so many people talk about healing like it's a goal of being as close to they were ""before"" as they can get. But what about those of us who have no before? The first time I was...the first incident started when I was three. Healing is a journey but I can't see the road. What good is a map that can only show you one place to be?",3 "Before i start i’m sorry if i don’t describe things super well, i don’t really know the wording for anything yet. Is it possible to have ocd that only shows itself occasionally? over the the course of my life so far i’ve had what falls into the description of rituals i’ve seen talked about on here, that have lasted anywhere from a week to a year but then didn’t seem to exist for a couple years in between. for example, i’ve been compulsively swallowing for the last two days and i can’t seem to stop but i haven’t had anything happen since about a year ago, at that point i had to touch my front door knob on the “right” spot 4 times before leaving to go to work, stuff like that. this has been going on and off since i was a child, and the times it happened i thought i was going insane and had no idea what ocd was. I guess a lot of the time i see ocd talked about as something that is happening all the time, so is it possible for it to not be consistent? or am i struggling with something else entirely?",1 "So I started PTSD therapy a month ago with the VA. It was helpful in the beginning, till I had to write a detailed statement about what happened and how it effects me. I then had to read it to my therapist. Ever since then, I've been in the deepest depression. I told my therapist that and she said it's normal. I'm just hoping it gets better, but part of me feels like it won't..",3 "Since I was little I always had this feeling that I'd not live pass 30, last Oct I got 29 and I can't see any resolution , also I can't afford therapy nor have the energy that it needs. I don't want die I just want cease to exist. I'm mostly dumping because I feel like I annoyed the shit out of the people that's around me. (If it's not allow I understand if this get deleted.)",2 "Hi guys, I was diagnosed in December and I never thought I had PTSD. Because I don't have the traditional symptoms like vivid flashbacks and reliving an event, instead I just feel the emotions I felt at the time, and most of the time it is not attached to a specific event but the collection of trauma and feelings I felt in the past. My therapist and I have been discovering a few triggers, but they usually end up in me having a intense emotional reaction and act in a way that is self destructive for me. Not necessarily the traditional symptoms like flashbacks and nightmares of a specific event. Sometimes I feel like I don't have PTSD and I am just being dramatic and emotional. Is this normal? I feel like my PTSD is so different from what I have heard it is and I am confused I just feel like I need to learn more about my diagnosis. I would love to hear from some of you with similar experiences.",3 "I've realized recently (or rather admitted to myself) that I have been using screens as a way to turn off my constantly racing thoughts for years. As a result I feel like I've lost myself completely. I don't know who I am, I don't have any personal opinion on anything (not internet related). I feel like I've been completely disconnected from the world I live in. ​ I've tried multiple times to cut down my screen usage but I keep falling back into a vicious cycle of worrying->going on the internet to calm down -> being paralyzed -> getting more anxious because I'm procrastinating -> ... ​ This summer I read the book ""Smart phone, dumb phone"" which helped me break out of this cycle at least temporarily. This September I joined a sports club which keeps me occupied two evenings a week. I've started baking too and letting my phone and computer out of my bedroom at night. ​ I already reach for my phone less but do you guys have any tips regarding that issue ? What do you do to relax you brain that isn't internet related ? How do you mitigate the non-stop stream going on in your brains ?",0 "My sibling wrote about the night I was raped by someone then abused by my parents as her art and used my baby photos. I found out about this years later through her public art account. She seemed emotionless the whole time she explained what her intentions were and her ""sorry"" sounded really cold. So I confronted her weeks later that I cannot forgive her and that her apology did not sound genuine to me. She said she can't do anything about it because she does not understand. And that she was writing about her experience of that incident, not my trauma. She also kept emphasizing that this was before she knew that I was raped that night. Then she just left the house. I don't feel loved or safe or cared for. I've been trying to be okay with this and bottling my feelings up but I don't think it's fair for me.",3 "I am very depress and feeling extremely uneasy thing moving in my stomach and heart idk.I want to cry out loud but not able to do it... Starting from a trip that supposedly to be 4 day but later on extended and join with 2nd trip so totally 9 day. Me and 4 more other when on a trip,I really love one of the girl,on 2nd days while I sleep other of my friend go and told her that I like her and she said she just treat me normal and she have other in her mind.I was so extremely sad and couldn't eat and sleep well So the trip went on and next day while only me and another friend was out buying something she told me this,I feeling so sad but still don't want to give up.So since that day the trip is awkward between the girl I like and me and it continues like that for next 7 day,I really feel like killing myself. Now we are back and we still met in class at almost every single day,I didn't know how to act...I am so sad and didn't know what to do it never been like this in extremely sad mood and god,I can't even cry out,I feel like vomiting all the time,even drinking water,can't breath nicely as how I used to be most of time...",2 "I am on max dose and I have no positive nor negative effect. I dont have the realistic dreams. Actually I cant fuckingg dream at all People feels drowsy sleepy or tired or constipated. And me I am energetic as fuck. All the energy turns into ocd.",1 "Hi. My name is Lapis- I'm 15 and I'm being tested for PTSD, Otherwise specified dissociative disorder, among other things. I am still struggling to accept that I'm a survivor of childhood abuse. Its really, really hard to accept. So I thought sharing it on here would be useful. (Trigger warning, so please read with caution!! Will mention physical, sexual, and mental abuse.) When I was a kid, both my parents were alcoholics. I cant remember most of the abuse but what I do remember is Verbal and physical abuse. I remember being in constant fear of being hurt, like walking on eggshells. When my mother finally became sober, my father only got worse. It eventually evolved into him abusing my other 2 sisters and my mother. My twin has no memory of this abuse, which worries me aswell. This went on from the ages of 2-14. He has been on and off sober and it really fucks with me. I'm 15 now. I always have to question my safety and whether hes drunk again or not. The latest episode of his was when I was 14, and he ruined our vacation. I had to take care of him the entire time and wake up to him cussing out my mother the last night we were there. I am also questioning s*xual abuse from a relative. Sometimes, i get memories of it. But, I'm thinking this is just my brain tricking me as I only started remembering In the past year. I have been through other traumas aswell. I was sexually exploited online from the ages of 9-13, by dozens of men and woman. This has made me feel as though I am just an object, sometimes. I am still coming to terms with what the abuse online has done to me. School trauma and relationship trauma are also prominent. But I won't go into those. They were very recent, however. My most recent trauma has been helping my girlfriend through her abusive home life. Anyways...I guess that's my story. It's not everything, but sometimes I do question if it's enough to even be traumatized. Or to have OSDD/alters at all. So many people have gone through worse then me and it makes me feel terrible. Like I am overreacting to what has happened to me. Thank you for reading.",3 "Have you also been feeling somewhat isolated? I’m not just talking about the pandemic, and honestly as my personal philosophy bolsters slowly over time it’s become less of an inconvenience. But it’s sometimes hard to connect with others in a deeper level. When someone is willing to open up, it’s pretty easy to get into the nitty-gritty, share about myself and empathetically listen to them. “”Over””-sharing makes this easy enough to kickstart from my end. But a wall is sometimes hit when -I always preface with how bad this sounds- I find them intellectually boring. Not just like math-nerd intelligence, but emotional and philosophical as well. I know special people are just that for a reason. But I can’t take it: I was placed in my adhd assessment in the 99th percentile for cognitive reasoning skills -by some metric I’ve got no understanding of- and it’s frustrating when I’m a dude with a wax-on, wane-off focus and drive and a brain that goes “hmm yes, obsessively pondering cosmology, QM and philosophy as hobbies sound like a good idea”. I just feel bad sometimes because when I notice illogic everywhere (mostly outside myself) I have to often say nothing to not be considered a dick. When I try to explain something really cool about sociology/economics or some spacetime stuff I can often be met with blank looks and apologies for not understanding. And just... fuck online dating. The profiles we all make trying to portray this imagined figure that’s usually blocking the view of the 100 red flags behind it. Fuck texting, I hate it with 99% of people, I feel like I’m drafting an essay about conveying how confident, and sexually attracted -but not TOO sexual, I mean, unless you’re into that?- I am. Like “be yourself” is fine and all, but that won’t reliably get you the two most important things: hearts (minds) and ass (head). And the shit I like to talk about can come across as boring when I’m not emphatically spitting hot bars and waxing philosophic about how napkins are a social construct. Plus my expectations are too high, why am I still surprised whenever I’m ghosted? And then there’s the issue of parental problems yadayada but anyway I’m improving much slower than my taste, in this online age, and find it hard to make that final “hey, let’s be friends/meet again/in the real world”. I’m still pretty awkward, I really want to meet people irl because fuck texting as a first impression, but going from “casually talking to this stranger/coworker” to “becoming true friends” is the leap I find it hard to make. Anyway, I’m off my dextrose today if y’all couldn’t tell. ❤️ P.S. and how the hell do I start exploring maybe being non-binary? In THIS economy? Forget it!",0 "Today was rough and got me thinking about shitty unexpected triggers ​ (The one that got me was a customer had pointy ears. Also, just want to rant, my mom was listening to the news this morning where they loudly talked about SA and R. And an customer told my today that I ""am a very attractive woman."" This was especially rough bc one abuser said, ""I am very attracted to you, AbsurdPigment,"" right before abusing me. Rough.) So many songs on my Spotify I can no longer listen to. Because I listened to them around the time/my abusers have similar interest. Eggplant, cherries, anime, D&D, caterpillars, BOTW, Diablo, OUR BLUE PLANET, dolphins, turtles, blood, down syndrome, nighttime, my best friend, Final Fantasy, beakers and lab equipment, certain weed pens, SHOWERS, certain lighting, suicide memes, music producers, the moon directly over a building, math, Russian and so much more. ​ And a lot of this has some bizarre ass reasons for being on this list. Connecting dots isn't recommended. Too much. Like what the hell. I never expected this for some shit. I can't prepare. But I smothered the ear thing, which REALLY set me off, but telling myself, "" I don't need this. I don't need to do this."" So that kinda helped. But yeah. Feel free to share your weird triggers that piss you off. ​ Have a peaceful night if you can. Get through it. ​ Edit: You bet your snap crackle ass pop I'm high. What, you think I got through this sober the entire day?? Pfffsh. Fugget aabout et.",3 "I'm interested in ways parents and schools can improve sex ed for autistic people. A few years ago my local autism group had a discussion about sex and relationships. What really surprised me was how uncomfortable most (about 80%) of the group was with the discussion. We're a close group and talk about lots of other personal stuff, but some people were so uncomfortable they left the room (no personal questions were asked or anything, it was just a general discussion of the topic). I know a lot of parents struggle with how to best help their autistic kids understand puberty and reproduction, so I'm looking into what works best. There are also myths and stereotypes that autistic people have no interest in sex or relationships (hahaha!) and therefore don't need sex ed. Personally my parents did a great job, but school sex ed was often confusing and overwhelming. I'm very visual, so my mom needed to find me books with pictures to help me understand certain things. Here are my questions: - What would have helped you have a better sex ed experience? More visuals? Specific, to the point information? Being given smaller amounts of information at a time? - What do you wish you'd learned about but didn't? For example, I think it's so important for people to know proper body part names. I can't tell you how many adults I've met who don't realize the vagina and vulva are different things or think pee comes out of the vagina. I wish I'd known that sensory issues could become an issue during sex. - What helped you have a better understanding of puberty or sex? - What do you wish NT parents and teachers understood about talking about puberty, sex, and relationships with autistic people (especially kids and teens)? And anything else you think is relevant.",3 "does it effect your masturbation and porn/smut watching/reading, cause i realized i have a weird compulsion for more taboo porn, and i hate it, cause it then gives me intrusive thoughts, about actual people in my life, and i don't want that. i want to be normal thoughts and to rewire my brain. also does anyone get harm ocd in the middle of masturbation? cause it happens alot, probably cause i have read dark shit before and fapped to it. not proud of it and kinda think im a monster for it now. like i don't even think im aroused by any of it, i jsut think masturbation for me is a compulsion then what i consume while trying to finish is a searching compulsion. or i just fap out of boredom. or reacting to a groinal response. is there anyway to stop? i have been trying nofap but i only make it one day,every couple of days and then i relapse as they call it. anyway have a nice day/night",1 "Im currently studying to become a teacher (computing sciences, biology and philosophy/ethics) for the german equivalent of high school. I struggled a long time and during covid and a change of universities, i lost my access to ""BAföG"" which is a loan you get by Germany itself of which you only have to pay back half with 0 interest after you are done studying (its a great system). So im here, struggling, now struggling even more, i developed a serious eating disorder (doesnt help when low on budget) so i finally decided to try to become a private tutor. And the local tutoring-company accepted me!!!! Im starting on the 28th and im so hyped abojt this! I will be able to get experience in teaching and dealing with a group of kids. In really looking forward to it! (And getting money for that is a great help too) i wish all of you here a great weekend!!",3 "Hi guys. I was recently diagnosed as ADHD which I suspected for a while. I am 32 years old so the diagnosis came a little late. My psychiatrist says he doesn’t treat adhd patients anymore (he prescribes me anxiety/depression medication to help with BPD which I suspect is actually ADHD[or ASD]). He said he would give me medication if I got diagnosed by a psychologist because I’ve been his patient for so long. So I went ant got assessed and that psych put me on Straterra which interacts with lexapro which I am also on. I have not talked to my original psychiatrist about taking Straterra because I haven’t talked to him this month, but the new psych knows what meds I am on and never told me about the interactions until I searched them up myself. So I have been on Straterra for 17 days. I’m moody and irritable which I wasn’t on my current regiment. I took my blood pressure and it is in fact high. It didn’t use to be high. I want out. At this point I’d rather have ADHD than be a moody asshole with high blood pressure. So I have been on it just over two weeks. Can I quit cold turkey since it’s only been two weeks? Im really freaked out about the BP thing. I think my doctor would prescribe me more “conventional” adhd medication, even though it’s controlled which I think is why he doesn’t treat adhd patients anymore. But said he would since I’ve been his patient so long. The medication is a capsule so I can’t break it in half. I was going to take one every other day until I don’t. What do you all suggest?",0 "Hey guys! I'm gonna do a bullet point story because that helps me understand things so it may help you :) * I am a 22 y/o woman who just discovered she has ADHD a few months back. * It has been incredibly eye-opening and has helped me unpack and uncover so much about my life and childhood. I could go on so many tangents about ""gifted students"", familial ADHD, IQ masking symptoms, disproportionate diagnosis based on gender, personality subtypes, etc. because I am a psych major who has become semi-hyper fixated on the ins and outs of ADHD, but that's beside the point. * Recently I have been spending a good amount of my free time looking at studies on google scholars as well as discovering this lovely community and the hilariously similar experiences we all share. * During COVID lockdowns, I nannied two little girls and essentially tutored them for about 6 months. One of them seemed to struggle quite a bit with her sight words and could not for the life of her focus long enough for certain tasks. Her energy was abounding and she and I had a great connection over our passion for animals and silliness. I also noticed that she was very easily frustrated, a trait not uncommon in your average 5-year-old, but hers felt different. It felt familiar. She had a frustration and impatience that I have since recognized in myself when I could not understand things right away as a child and led my parents to believe I was a badly behaved child. * It has been some time since I was working with those girls, but because of this recent fascination with my own diagnosis, I couldn't help but to reflect on my experience with the girl I nannied. Eventually, I thought, why not, and knowing the chances of her mother being receptive were high, I texted her and told her that there could be a potential diagnosis there, but if she was uncomfortable, since she knows her child best, she need not respond. * She immediately called me and told me right away that her daughter was literally just diagnosed with ADHD in July. She works in sports psychology, so she was very intrigued to hear more about my own experiences and insights, and we chatted for quite a while with me providing tips as well as opinions that she solicited. * I just thought I'd give you all a bit of credit for being a part of my journey in understanding ADHD. It was an affirming thing for my inner-child to recognize and for my future career in psychology/therapy to comfort in.",0 "I had pocd and contamination ocd, i started meds like 3 weeks ago. Those themes arent coming much but for some reason im having hocd, or arleast i think it is. Now I’m ruminating if im bi. Why arent the meds working.",1 "I live in Arizona. It's pretty nice here all year around. During the summer, I am fine. However, I've noticed around October or November, I start getting miserable depressed and hopeless. Arizona does have a change of seasons, but its not like it becomes dark and depressing out. I'm wondering if it could be SAD? I did live in cold climates the majority of my life until the last five years. I'm maybe wondering if my mind is drawing off those experiences? For example, when it changes here a little bit, my mind subconsciously associates it with my experience in the colder climates? I was also wondering if maybe my mind was drawing off my childhood experiences? I lived in a toxic household and would often feel trapped and miserable during the winter. In the summer, I could go outside and play with friends, etc. ​ Thanks",2 I overreacted to a news story and now I hate myself. This is how I feel after most of my overreactions and I don’t know how to stop myself from feeling this way when I overreact. Any tips?,3 "I’m 22. I’ve had “social anxiety” my whole life, and I developed “depression” in my early teens. Come to find out I have cptsd - where anxiety and depression are symptoms. This was something “too big” for me to consider having. It seemed like there was no way I had it that bad, and it wasn’t fair for me to consider the possibility. Nobody had directly mentioned it to me (largely because my therapist at the time didn’t seem to be a fan of diagnosing, yet handed me a book about emotional shock that heavily referenced c/ptsd in our first meeting) but for some reason about a little over a year ago I began to seriously consider the possibility on my own that I have it. I did some research and things seemed to fit on nearly every level. Diagnoses are very uncomfortable for me because I feel like I’m “searching” for them because of my past experiences, and because self diagnosis is so looked down upon. I wasn’t one to self diagnose, except with depression and anxiety because I only got the diagnosis of those after a s*icide attempt after years of struggling. I knew something was wrong early on. I spent a long time thinking I was born that way and yet here we are, those were a result of cptsd. Realizing that I had that, so many things fell into place and I felt so relieved that I wasn’t born wanting to die, that I felt that way for a reason and that my childhood wasn’t healthy despite no adult in my life seeing anything wrong with it. After a while I’ve noticed a lot of “bread crumbs” - symptoms of autism that don’t overlap with any current disorder that my doctors have talked about. My therapist mentioned ADHD, and while I definitely fit those symptoms, we all know ADHD overlaps. I think some of my symptoms from cptsd might actually be from ASD. I think so many symptoms of Autism can be explained by ADHD and cptsd that these “bread crumbs” seem negligible. But I’ve come to realize how much of an issue they’ve been for me - how they have directly played a role in my development of cptsd. I’m a girl and at about 13 a doctor mentioned the possibility of aspergers in front of my mom and I, and I probably not only had no real understanding of the spectrum, but this, too - later on, has seemed “too big” for it to be fair of me to consider. I don’t remember her saying anything about it. But, I truly feel this fits for me but I’m afraid to bring it up to my current therapist. I started seeing her for ptsd and she’s the one who has mentioned ADHD to me. I know deep down there are glaring symptoms outside of ADHD that fit into ASD, but I’m so scared she won’t see them and dismiss me. I want to be taken seriously, because this, like cptsd feels so right that having validation in this would free me in a way. Free me in the sense that these things that I don’t see anyone else do, or hear anyone else talk about have an actual cause. I am not simply just “strange.” My “weirdness” that causes a genuine hinderance in my life, that makes it harder for me to go about my day, isn’t just some personality trait of mine. I want to know how to handle this. Don’t get me wrong, I think there are things about this that are a gift - assuming I do have it. My brother was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age, and being in his mid 20s now I’ve thought for years that it’s likely he’s on the spectrum. I am much more high functioning than him, and so like literally everything else (as he was the squeaky wheel) the chances of anyone paying enough attention to me - a shy, quiet girl - to consider I have ASD were probably at least a bit lower than most young girls. One thing that also intensifies my fear of being dismissed is that I am very empathetic. I do think that’s a direct result from my cptsd. If I’m one on one with someone I know at least a little - I am comfortable and I think I can read their feelings to a decent extent. But I’ve looked back and noticed how many times I’ve just completely not understood what was and wasn’t appropriate to say or do or ask in a situation. When it comes to more personal emotions I am capable of that sort of empathy, but general social skills and atmospheres I’m completely unaware, and I only know that because I can read reactions of people. I have not been able to learn from that, though. I know it’s very common for people with ASD to have poor gauges on how people are feeling and what not, and I seem to have some semblance of that but still am very empathetic. I could sit here and list all of the things that feel like evidence for me having ASD, and part of me wants to just because I’ve not yet given myself the grace to deeply think this through. I should probably do that on my own time, at the very least. But anyways, I could do that but it would only be for myself as I know there are no answers for me, here. Regardless - if you read this it means a lot. I hope it made sense.",3 "My brother is very successful, and recently he think he also might have adhd, given his behavior throughout the years being similar to mine. He has never been medicated, so I feel like if he does have adhd, which is a very good chance, does that mean I really am just stupid if I can't cope without adderall? I burnt out a lot quicker than he did and I feel like maybe I'm just weak? I honestly don't know. Before I was diagnosed I always assumed I was just a lazy piece of shit who needed to get a planner, but that never worked. But if my brother coped with it this long, at the age of 30, why couldn't I? I felt the same around people with depression who were successful. I felt like I didn't deserve help and I really was just being lazy.",0 "Wondering if anyone else got into the genre and or some of the sub-genre? Anyone else go see bands, or what has your experience been like? I got into punk @ 15 when someone I knew in 10th grade got a comp tape of punk bands. It really struck a cord with me and spoke to my feelings of injustice, powerless-ness and just overwhelming rage. I start going to see bands like when I was 17 until I was 33 when I moved and had to focus on work. Punk most likely saved my life - it gave me a community. All of us knew were were freaks, despised and literally under siege. When I got into in 1981 it was NOT considered kool. It lead to me getting into fights all the time and of course the cops always blamed us. For some reason my personality clicked with more than a few people. Back then shows were in tiny clubs - forget any sort of backstage - at best there was a walk-in closet sized space for the band. So bands would hang out with the crowd before and after the shows. I got to hang out with many bands over the years, even went on tour a few times with them. Anyone else?",3 "This usually happens with me. I think about something hilarious to me and then it turns into an intrusive thought. Then I stop laughing, because I feel like I’m offending someone.",1 "I've always felt like I'm on the hoarder spectrum. Is it true? Idk. I have a lot of stuff. I've taken piles of trash bags out to the dumpster of my stuff and I'm still left with too much stuff. But besides having too much stuff, I don't put anything away. I use my floor as if it was just a giant shelf. I don't clean, I don't throw things away. I just don't feel like doing it in the moment and never get back to it. This weekend, I was looking for a dog toy in this cabinet and I pulled out this soft toy with larvae all over it. I think these were moths but I'm not sure. I was in shock. Really, I knew I had some little moths but I never saw where they were coming from. I felt disgusting and so ashamed. I started sobbing. My boyfriend was over and helped me clean out the cabinet and throw away anything affected. How could I let this happen? How have I let it get so bad? Why can't I do the bare minimum? I have clothes everywhere, shoes everywhere, half empty cans of water everywhere. I've always been this messy, always. I was never really taught how to take care of myself and I could never gain the motivation to do it consistently. My boyfriend is telling me that if we just clean the whole place really well once, it'll be easier to keep up with it. I feel like it's a lost cause. I've cleaned my whole place before. It never stays like that for long. I feel like a failure.",0 "I guess I’m just asking for advice or support, I feel horrible today. I’ve had a lot of anxiety surrounding something called PGAD after reading about it a couple weeks ago. It caused me to focus on my genitals too much, causing a constant groinal response for the past 2 days. I’ve had it before twice now and it lasted a day or so each last time. I guess this one is causing me more anxiety because it’s lasted longer. I had the worst day today I’ve been crying almost constantly. I’m so uncomfortable and I hate having OCD so much. It’s exhausting. I feel so lost. Does anyone have any words of wisdom :(",1 "As I cycle through the various emotions again I find myself asking myself more and more what is the point in carrying on. I know I haven’t got the balls to do anything to end it, at the moment anyway, so I got to thinking what other people’s motives behind getting up every day and keeping going are? Do you guys keep going hoping/thinking there is something better ahead or is there some other reason? Half the time I don’t even think I’m asking in a ‘depressed’ way any more, like genuinely what is the point of getting up every day to work a job I hate to live in a world that offers little to no joy? It seems illogical..",2 "I was put on 20mg fluoxetine for anxiety and depression 4 months ago. After 2 weeks, the side effects of fluoxetine subsided and i felt pretty great. But I was not able to focus, I was impulsive, my mind raced a lot, I had risk taking behavior. Because of this, I suspected an episode of hypomania and my psychiatrist agreed with me and put me on risperidone and later aripiprazole(abilify) and fluoxetine was reduced to 10 mg. But it did not help much with the focus or impulsivity. Later in therapy, I realized I might have ADHD along with GAD and right now I'm in the process of getting properly assessed for ADHD. But could it be possible that I had adhd all along and my adhd symptoms exacerbated with fluoxetine? Now I'm on 10 mg prozac and 2.5 mg ability. But I want to get my adhd treated first as it's seriously affecting my studies and I am even ready to get off all meds to get my focus back. As fluoxetine is working for anxiety, is it possible to get treated with both fluoxetine (for anxiety) and adhd meds together?",0 "i’m not sure if anyone else experiences this but i might as well see. i often get intrusive thoughts over me getting diagnosed with depression/being depressed. i obviously don’t want to be depressed, and i don’t know what id do if i was. depression runs in my family and i’m terrified it’s going to affect me. i’m scared i’ll be missing out on my life if i feel depressed. there are times when i feel sad and i get super obsessed with these thoughts that i think it could be depression. i suffer from hocd, and my brain has always had an ocd-mindset if that makes sense. telling myself that i have anxiety or ocd doesn’t affect me as much as it does when i tell myself i could have depression. i think this is deeply rooted in my cousin taking his life earlier this year. that was when i realized this was a thing that could affect me as well as everyone else. i’ve had fears that my friends and family suffer from depression. in general, it’s just scary to me. idk what to do or what to look up to see if this affect anyone else. but the way i obsess over these thoughts reminds me of ocd, so i figured i’d come here. any help is greatly appreciated.",1 "I've always had this problem, probably since I was at least 15, so the past 20 years. Seems to be getting worse. Anxiety, fatigue and reflux are also getting worse. So far I have tried escitalopram plus bupropion for 3 weeks and then just escitalopram for 4 weeks. I think I was seeing some improvement with escitalopram but was having bruxism problems. What medication might work best for me?",1 "I (19M) have been struggling with depression for many years now. I have hit my peak of depression and am just at a loss for what I should do. Hardly anyone likes me. Nobody reaches out to me directly to hang out or talk. I have about 4 or 5 friends total in college. I’ve never been exceptional or special. I’ve always been shy and introverted, always scared to start conversation. There is nothing special about me, so people make no effort to get to know me, and why should they? There is quite literally no reason for anyone to be interested in having anything but a surface level relationship with me. I’m a terrible conversationalist and my mind is just blank when I try to say anything interesting. I have no passions, hobbies, or interests. The only thing that’s ever been different about me was music. I’ve always been very musically inclined. I was emotionally abused for well over a decade by my mother and my father wasn’t present if this helps explain any of this. Please help me understand myself.",2 "I have suffered from depression for about a decade or so. The pandemic has made it worse since my dad died from covid in March of '20. I just don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to do it myself, though I have had thoughts, but I want something to happen to me. Whether it be a car accident, hit by a bus or even covid (I know its not guaranteed, but I do have underlying conditions). I am not sure if there is a term for this. I have spoken to people about my issues, aside from my therapist and they have told me that I am very selfish for wanting out because I have kids. Some may think that, but I can't control how I feel. This is why I keep things bottled up. I just want to be happy. I cry everyday and its not fair. I just want to be happy. I try to put a brave face on for my kids. I really miss him. I am sorry if this is all over the place, but I just needed to speak, even if its to strangers on the internet and hoping that I don't get called selfish. I just want to be free.",2 "Basically i have these 2 female friends that im really close with but i dont have feelings for them but i keep ruining our relationship by being needy and cosntanltly needing attention, and when they talk about other boys i get extremely jealous and angry and basically say they are the reason im always insecure and have no confidence but after like 15 minutes i cool down and it doesnt bother me anymore. Is this something i can have from being asperger or is it something else and if so where should i head it with this .",3 "I just realized that the easiest way for me to get to know someone is to learn what music they like. Usually I'm familiar with the artists because I listen to so much music. Music evokes a lot of thoughts and feelings and helps me understand them, and whether or not we would get along. I tend to associate their music tastes with them. Since I seem to understand music, I often use it to connect emotionally and often reference songs either explicitly or in my head. Anyone else similar?",3 "Any one else bad at time management? I’m especially bad at it at work. Before I was diagnosed (this past August) it was really bad. Now that I’m medicated it’s gotten slightly better. Luckily my new SM knows that I have it and she has it too and understands is working with me on it. One thing that has gotten better tho is my focus especially on tasks I find boring. Before I was getting into trouble for not getting tasks done (like tags and freight.) Now I can actually focus on them and am doing really good in that aspect. Just need to manage my time better. Does anyone have any tips?",0 "Whenever I try to sleep I always need to be deprived of it, I can't have a normal sleep schedule because of this and whenever I do fall asleep I sleep for several hours on end usually 12+ hours, is there any way I can try to get somewhere close to a normal sleep schedule",2 "I want to bit of a short post just to express it to someone, I guess. My psych course this semester is for my minor that I kind of had to take (it’s part of a convoluted libarts system I won’t get into) and the class is very much one of those that’s better suited for the majors in that field than the minors. I know I’m a college student and I’m here to be srs, etc etc but this is the kind of prof who you actually need to do the readings for/know for sure what’s being talked about. It’s hard. I dislike it b/c of the heavy focus on knowing research studies and so on, and it’s not related to my major. Even though the class does have some things that could be useful for reasons I won’t get into here, it’s just a drag. Y’all know the struggle. I’m also a senior so I need to pass this class to finish my psych minor. A little stressed that despite getting it done that I won’t do it right enough to get a decent grade. My current grade is fine, but I haven’t had the best time at college and just really don’t want to be stuck here for any longer than I have to. I’m sure I’ll study enough for the final (and i intend to), but still. PS I wish it wasn’t so hard to “just do” things I don’t look forward to/don’t want to do. Plus the “Panic Monster” stress, while it gets the job across the finish line, is very unpleasant.",0 "I got diagnosed with autism recently and I think I’m still feeling imposter syndrome. I also keep thinking that maybe I’m just making excuses and I should try and push myself to do more. Basically it feels like my brain can only cope with one big thing at a time, so for example I am studying part time this year at university (only two courses) because I can’t even cope with full time study. I wasn’t working alongside this and I’m still living with my parents but I sort my own laundry, cooking and shopping and solely care for my dog. Yet even the part time study was only *just* manageable for me, and I let many other things slip that I needed to get done. Now I’ve started a job that is WFH and only a few hours a week but I don’t think it’s the right job for me, it’s quite draining and feels too fast paced. Trying to do these few hours of work alongside studying and my other responsibilities of just caring for myself and my dog has felt really overwhelming and I feel completely drained. Do others get this? I don’t understand why I can’t seem to cope with having multiple commitments at the same time, it’s really frustrating. And I even see other autistic people doing more than me and I’m just wondering am I just exaggerating or something. But in the past pushing myself has led to a bad burnout. All I can describe it as is feeling like I’ve got all these things I have to keep track of and remember and it feels impossible, like I guess it feels like I’m carrying one heavy box and each extra commitment is another heavy box and soon enough my arms can’t take the weight and I crash. **TL;DR** I feel like my brain can only cope with one big commitment at one time (work, uni etc). I feel overwhelmed and burnout doing even part time study or work. Does anyone else feel the same?",3 "Hello all, my name is James. I am a 23 year old guy living in Toronto, Canada. Having been diagnosed at an early age I have had many experiences that were influenced by my condition. I moved to Canada from the U.K when I was 9 yrs old and started grade 4 fresh. However, what I immediately noticed is that the school system here treats you very differently in Canada than it does in England. In England the approach is to integrate the student in a normal classroom environment with an 'assistant' that is there to help you out or if for example you get distracted they get you back on track. However, in Canada the system I found is dramatically worst. Here the solution is to more or less isolate you from the regular classroom environment and keep you in your own classroom among other children all of whom have been diagnosed with some learning disability. Looking back at this system, I believe this to be a massive disadvantage to the small group of students with learning challenges. When you take an individual whom already has challenges socializing and isolate. How on earth is that meant to help the student be successful? Now I could be wrong, are these just my personal experiences with a poor education system or is this more of an systemic issue that need to be addressed? If you would like to detail your experice in school and how Asperger's impacted you, I look forward to hearing from you. Thank You.",3 "Hi all, I've managed to start acknowledging my thoughts as intrusive and even divorcing emotion from them. But now my logical brain is pondering them. For instance in x taboo practice, would this part or sensation be pleasant. I've tried to shut it down by saying, if anyone does seek pleasure in that way, they are wrong and should be duly punished, but I don't even want to contemplate it. But my brain hates unanswered questions :( Edit: word",1 "Hi! I’ve been on Lexapro for almost 7 years now. About 2 years ago, I decided to add Wellbutrin to my regime as I was beginning to feel very apathetic, and I was still very fatigued all of the time. The WellB worked – it’s given me much more energy, and though I still have my bouts of melancholy and passivity, it’s much much easier for me to feel motivated and do things. I am on 15mg of Lex and 75mg of WellB. However, I do have a couple of side effects from the latter, which are bearable and which I am fine living with: hand tremors, and shakiness when I get extra nervous. I should mention I also have GAD. Having been on WellB for a while now, I’m wondering if it’s a good idea to try tapering off Lexapro, and ultimately, stopping it altogether. My main concern is that my anxiety and overall tremors would worsen without Lexapro to “complement” the energy giving effects of WellB. I have also read that WellB alone is not as effective a treatment for depression, but I don’t know if that is true. I’d like to hear from anyone who’s had a similar regime, and what your experience was like. Thank you all.",2 "I'm on a phone so sorry for bad grammar! I don't know how to feel about this situation, but I need your thoughts. And please, when you comment, try to address all or at least most of the things I'm saying here. I [20 years old male] had unwanted thoughts about having sex with my older sister [24 years old woman] a long time. I felt really dirty for a long time, but lately I managed to cope with that and I managed to have normal interactions with my sister, without having my thoughts disrupting my day. I still have an occasional thought, but it didn't affected me as much as it used to do. But I just did something that disturbed me. When I was leaving my sister's apartment, she was near me while I put my jacket and, because I did that to see if I have any reaction, I watched her breast and I though it looked nice (she wasn't naked). And I watched a couple of seconds without her noticing. When I left, I felt really bad again. I thought to myself that I'm might become a creep. I swear I never had a anybkind of fantasies about her and I never wanted to had sex with her, and I have NEVER regreted that I'm not able to do that with her. But I think I might had enjoyed watching for a moment until I realised what I was doing. I can't believe I've done this. I've always had a close relationship with my sister to the point where we are rarely arguing and we support each other. The thing is, I always though she looks nice in general. But I'm really afraid for this thoughts not to come frome a place of sexual desire. Especially for what happened. But, she has a boyfriend and I'm really proud for her and I really support her and I've never felt jealous. But I also never had a girlfriend, so that's where those thoughts are coming from? I'm really getting anxious every time I meet her because ai think of having thoughts again. I really feel like an huge asshole for what happened. I think I might one day destroy the great sibling relationship that we worked on for 20 years. My sister doesn't deserve that. She deserves a brother that can't even think about doing something like that with her! That can protect her! I'm starting to think I'm not that brother anymore.",1 I’m so sick of people I’m close with pretending to care and pretend that they would be there because every single time I need someone to talk to they just ignore me but when they need shit from me then all of sudden I exist again I’m so tired of it and everyone wonders why I’m in so deep and bad with this wave of depression. thank you if you read this,2 "Sometimes when I think about what happened too much ( I normally think about it at night because that’s often a time where I’m alone with my thoughts or might be trying to sleep in less clothing etc ) it’s almost like I can feel him touching me. Like his hand between me legs or something and I try to ignore it because normally it’s not too strong but sometimes it is. I try to change positions, roll up in a ball, squeeze my legs shut, roll around, or put a blanket between my legs to make it stop. It normally happens when I try to sleep in little clothes or without underwear in loose clothing. Often changing clothes helps, but the idea of taking off my already loose clothing is frightening. I never gave it much thought until now. I tried googling it and uh maybe wasn’t the best idea cause I couldn’t like immediately find a reassuring answer within the first few results. I’m just wondering if anyone has experienced this or found a better solution.",3 I can’t shake off the anxiety...it’s constantly there and I get anxiety attacks more and more often. I can’t resist my compulsions anymore and I’m so tired of fighting something that’s stronger than I am...I’m seeing my psychiatrist today and I legit don’t know what to say as I’m not feeling any better,1 "**Not super related to depression, but I haven't been able to find any good answers elsewhere.** I'm quite a self-loathing person. I can be very hard on myself and often my brain tells me I'm not good enough, kind of like a little voice on my head that tells me every now and then that I'm worthless and I'll never get what I want. (Note: this isn't a voice like an auditory hallucination, more of an internal monologue) However when I get external negativity or confrontation that same voice that would otherwise agree with whoever is confronting me suddenly flips itself and becomes very self-confident. For an example, I am fairly insecure about my lack of romantic relationships, sometimes I vent about this online, sometimes when I vent and feel misunderstood or unheard I can become a dickhead, and then people typically imply that because of that bitterness I'll never get a romantic partner. But the thing is when they say something like 'you'll never get a romantic partner', that voice in my head responds 'Yes I will'. The voice that would otherwise agree with the other person is suddenly reassuring me and making me feel confident. It also feels really clear in those moments, like I read it and sudden wash of 'You're fine, its all going to be ok' over me. Why is this? Is this an observed phenomenon? I haven't seen anyone else say they have similar thought processes. Is there a name for this? How can I get his voice of self-confidence to be louder? The only way I can do it is by seeking and inciting external negativity on the internet, and that isn't a viable long term option really. I know people here will tell me to go to therapy but that isn't a viable option for me at the moment either. >!This is mostly just a funny idea to myself, but I've been wondering if I could somehow hire a part-time hater. Someone who can call me up every now and then and tell me I ain't shit and I'm never gonna be shit so. Than I can go about my life with that confidence.!<",2 "I am currently 15 in high school, diagnosed (more inactive than active, but experience both sides) 3-4 years ago with a very high IQ, as that seems to be frequent, especially as I was a kid that knew way too much about everything. Recently I have been medicated (Adderall after Concerta did absolutely nothing) and the results are mixed. I feel good about my management of my tasks, but I had about a month of high stress. Anybody experienced a similar experience/ as you grow, how does the syndrome change with age. I also just want to talk to people going through similar things to what I’m going through.",0 "Last week I was told I have PTSD. Besides the ADD/ADHD, anxiety and depression, my psychiatrist said I have PTSD. It was almost an obvious statement to me. I knew I had something like that. Then it hit me when she told me. The last year or 2, I realized I had the symptoms. Kinda expected it but it hit hard when I was told that. I don’t know what exactly gave me it. Maybe a culmination of things, maybe one of my largest traumas, I don’t know. I wish I knew. Maybe I could then make peace with it and reverse my brain. These intrusive thoughts are so overwhelming and I can hardly take it. I don’t like thinking that I have something that soldiers, accident victims, rape victims and victims of terrible abuse have. I don’t think I deserve to be in that category. I don’t know what to think but what I know is that I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t. I’m so far gone there isn’t coming back it seems. I just want to reset.",3 "I ve been visiting a psychiatrist about 4,5 years because I diagnosed with depression, anxiety issues, bulimia but the last 8 months I diagnosed with ocd too and I’m very sad and anxious that I can’t deal with it… my doctor proposed to change doctor to get second opinion about the pills… I had two meetings with the new doctor but the pain still remains and I don’t believe anymore that any doctor can help… I think I just live for the little moments that I laugh with my family or my friends and I forget about the pain…",2 "I’m not even sure where to begin but I’m so terrified right now I don’t know what to do. For background, I was raped by my ex partner ten years ago. Following this, I was subject to not so much stalking as intimidation to stay silent and was called a liar and mocked. This has continued on and off since then. Recently he moved back near to where I live as well. Earlier this year he accessed my emails where he was able to access details about my mental health and other personal information. He used this to email contacts, including work colleagues, mocking my mental health condition. Work handled it very badly and again made me feel not believed. I have heard further accusations made against my ex partner and other disturbing information which have made me even more fearful of him. I received an anonymous call saying that pictures of me would be posted online and sent to my work colleagues if I spoke to the police again. It didn’t sound like him, but I guess he could have gotten someone to do it for him. I haven’t spoken to the police since reporting the assault earlier this year. Does anyone have any advice? I was diagnosed with PTSD this year and it has been getting steadily worse, especially since hearing he was living near me again and I don’t know what to do.",3 "I just realized I wouldn't have depression if it weren't for other people being so awful. I don't mean my parents or family. I mean random strangers. Kids at school bullying me as a kid, teachers being racist. I internalized it as something wrong with me. In truth, they were just shitty. Today I had planned out my day, how I was gonna improve and get better. I find out some asshole has blocked me in my parking spot. Intentionally. Even if he didn't want me to park there he could have called the apartment complex to complain, asked them to put up a private parking sign(because there isn't one and the spots aren't private) or anything else. But he wanted to block me in by illegally parking in the middle of the road so he could start a confrontation. My anxiety is through the roof. My depression and an all time high. And I keep flipping between wanting to do something to punish him for being needlessly hostile and Karen like and wanting to give everyone in my neighborhood some small gift bags to prove that people can be needlessly kind. I have no friends to vent to except for my girlfriend who is the only good person I think exists on the planet. Everyone else is just shitty. No one considers how the person next to you might want to die. So they do shitty things to boost their ego or make them feel strong and in charge when really you're just kicking someone who's already down and pouring salt in their wound. I'm doing my best. I'm sorry for parking in a spot you feel belongs to you. But what you did was wrong. It was excessive. And the fact you were willing to break the law to try and make me feel a certain way because of a glorified rectangle of pavement, terrifies me. I don't know. I just wish I had someone to tell me that it's not my fault. That he shouldn't have done that. But now I keep doubting myself. Maybe I shouldn't have parked there. Maybe I'm better off dead. Maybe all I do Is bother other people. Everyone is terrible to me because I deserve it. Well, venting helped. Time to eat an edible and waste another day I guess.",2 "this year has been rough, despite covid i’ve been through more downs than ups. i lost my job, gained it back and then got let go because of budget cuts, i had a falling out with one of my best friends since highschool realising he was never my friend, almost lost my brother to jail, got contacted and abandoned by my father AGAIN, lost my beautiful aunt on my birthday only to find out months later she passed away, went through one of the toughest break ups alone and literally got my house broken into last night. when i was 18 i had this horrible numbness, i fought through it and came out on top. im now 21 and it’s back. during my break up and my brothers trial i felt that familiar feeling, the daily wave of pure soulless horror. my comforts became tedious, everything became meaningless, i was alone. it hurts and idk when i’ll feel better again but i’m really proud of myself for fighting. sure everything feels meaningless and i feel nothing daily, but i wake up. i never give myself credit but im getting through one of the toughest times i’ve faced, there might be worse to come but im stronger than i was when i was 18. for everyone who’s facing depression, i’m proud of you all! you’re all trying and that’s a start!",2 "I’m fairly recently diagnosed (just over 2 months ago) so I’m still figuring out meds and stuff. I’ve been on 70mg vyvanse for about 6 weeks now, and just started guanfacine 2 days ago as well. I’m just coming out of a REALLY bad two weeks of depression, binge eating, smoking, not cleaning, haven’t changed my sheets or washed clothes or dishes etc and I was really upset that the meds seemed to stop working which is why my doctor has added the guanfacine. But I’ve also just finished my period, the 2 bad weeks were basically the week before and the week of my period. I noticed this last month too, but I was changing dosage etc at the same time so it’s hard to tell what the cause is. Basically my question is this: for people who have periods, is your ADHD worse around your period? Do all your symptoms come back or is it a particular few? Does it ever get better? What do you do to manage it? I’m really distressed by the thought that I might just fully relapse into my impulsive behaviours and living in filth 2 weeks out of every month!!",0 "i had a very mentally and sexually abusive ex boyfriend 5ish years ago. just this past year i’ve realized it was abuse and it’s caused a lot of feeling to come up. i’ve only recently told my closest friends. i’ve been in therapy before but just started again this month. i’ve never talked to a therapist about this trauma of mine until my current one because i felt so safe with her. since telling her 2 weeks ago, i’ve been having nightmares...not even nightmares. he’s just a character in my dreams, or his friends are in my dreams, or something that reminds me of him. it feels like he’s taking control of my life again. i have my therapy appointment tomorrow and i will bring it up to her. but i’d be grateful to hear from other people who may have gone through something similar in terms or nightmares and what they did that helped. thank you so much",3 I have a follow up doctor appointment November 12th. The other day I overdosed on my adderall by one dose to increase the effectiveness of my medicine. The effects were helpful. My guilty conscience got the best of me and told my doctor what happened. He spoke to me on the phone and said to me at the end to bring my med bottles with me to the appointment. Do u guys think ima gonna loose my ADHD meds when I go to the appointment?!?! Will he take them away,0 It’s making me loose my fucking mind because they act differently around others compared to me.,3 "I find it hard to tell whether life is to be created anew by anyone experiencing it or is it just an aspie thing. Feel free to interpret as You wish.",3 "In fact, not only it's acceptable, it's the norm. ""Not being able to go up and down stairs in a wheelchair is just an excuse."" ""If you really want to go up stairs you'd try harder. I'm sure you can do it."" . That's literally our reality. It's just the wheelchair in our cases are our brains and people can't see it. The sick thing is some of us believe that subconsciously especially for the undiagnosed people despite knowing those statements are ridiculous. Not only we repeatedly try rolling our wheelchairs up the stairs, we even hope if we try hard and continue to improve, one day we'd be able to stand up and walk up stairs effortlessly like other people. That sounds fucking insane but it's true. . It's so frustrating that we seem too normal for people so it's near impossible for them to understand how much we struggle and how hard we're actully trying. We're fully aware of how much ADHD affect every aspect of our lives yet when we fucked up we can't just say it's because of ADHD. There's just no winning with this. . I'm sorry this analogy is probably shit. It really depend on what you think going up stairs are for ADHDers. For me it's to be just like a neurotypical person. I know some people can manage their ADHD very well and lead a good life. Still, for people to expect us, or for us to expect ourselves to not struggle with what we struggle with is totally psychotic. We literally have a different type of brain for fuck's sake.",0 "I use it pretty often or when I have to. it just makes things so much easier. if I ever anciently say something cringey, weird or awkward I'll just clarify that I have autism. if you're putting in the effort you shouldn't feel bad about using it if you mess up socially a couple of times. it's better than people just thinking you're a weird or bad person for goofing up socially. it's also better than constantly masking and pretending to not be autistic",3 I’ve had this problem since I was like 14. Staying over at friends’ places was really hard and sometimes I wouldn’t even be able to sleep. Right now I’m staying in a guest house in a small town somewhere super far from where I live. Everything just feels so unfamiliar and I feel so unsafe. It sucks especially because I have a swimming session booked for tomorrow and I haven’t went swimming since pre pandemic. I’m worried about not being able to sleep beforehand which makes it even harder to sleep.,3 "Hi, I'm 21 years old. I'm suffering OCD since I was a kid, but year after year it gets worse. Since I finished high school, OCD and fear started to be important in my life. First, fear of sleeping or not sleeping, then my worse enemy, BREATHING OCD. Begun in May 2019, it's a long story. After 1 year of struggles, in June 2020 I finally beat it. But 2 months ago it came back and worse than ever, all my thoughts are terrible, I'm afraid of thinking of it but I'm afraid too of not thinking of it, it's like I want to be alive thiking in breathing. I just want no not have this anymore, I think sometimes that killiing myself is the solution of this pain, but I don't want to die, I'm afraid of death. Sorry for my english. I just want to know if someone of you have this and how do you got over this This is my first post on Reddit, I have a lot more to tell, maybe it's better, what do you think?",1 "Is anyone else want to end themselves, and only thing stoping them, is the fact that they only child. I wish I have siblings.",2 "Felt sort of melancholy tonight, so I decide to go and get a snail from outside and give it some lettuce (I absolutely adore snails) and watch it enjoy a snack. I had an intrusive thought about catching something from the snail. I know that I probably shouldn’t of, and I battled with the urge for awhile, I eventually gave into the compulsion and looked up “can you catch anything from handling garden snails”. I’m not exactly thrilled with the search results, in fact like always it perfectly relates to my fear. Rat lung worm, a parasite that can be carried by slugs and my beloved snails. Of course I’m anxious with the news, I aggressively washed my hands and replayed the event in my head, my OCD has convinced me I’m as good as dead. The never ending battle deprives me of simply enjoying life, and I wish I felt safe.",1 "I'm assuming that's not normal? :) For real though, hoping for a judgement-free zone here, but I met a woman in real life about 11 years ago. I'm just being honest, she was the best looking person I've actually met. We exchanged numbers and she ended up flaking on ever going out. She's an actor so she's got a pretty active social media presence. In some shows and movies, lots of pictures. Plenty for an obsessive mind to latch onto. Despite the fact that I fell in love with and married my wife of many years, I think about this other woman about 95 percent of the time when I have a sexual fantasy. My brain has decided she's ""perfect."" I'm aware that it's not normal and there's a part of me that wishes I could just compartmentalize her as another hot girl and move on but it's also kinda fun for my brain. Highly arousing partly because it's weird to do. Either way, I've realized it IS obsessive behavior. Totally out of my control and something I've come back to despite occasionally trying to steer my fantasies to someone else. Anyone else had OCD pop up in their area of life?",1 "Heya all, So I just started finally seeing a therapist and learning I have Asperger's. But I had the most bizarre experience in the therapist's office, it's hard to explain and I've never felt that way in decades, back when I was a child or young teen. I couldn't ""mask"". It just didn't happen, I couldn't figure out how. I was defenseless, and she instantly saw exactly who and what I am. I am extremely glad for this though, as I am just starting my journey and it's important the therapist sees the real me. My hypothesis is because I know very-well that she knows extremely-well exactly how Asperger's works and how we think, my brain just completely short circuited trying to figure out how the frick to chameleon, when the other person is immune. Oddly enough, I was not uncomfortable, I was fine with it. But it was a strange sensation; like she broke my ability to instinctually ""mask"", it was very exposed feeling, in an oddly good way. Does any of this make sense or am I sounding like a crazy person? :)",3 At 35 years old I now know for sure that my marriage and life struggles are largely due to being on the spectrum. It's a good feeling to have some closure and be able to move forward in life with this context. I have enjoyed this community for awhile and now I feel able to confidently discuss ASD life as a diagnosed member.,3 "So for some reason I really struggle with coincidences. For example, I used to work with someone who moved quite far away and then I saw them in a store near me after quite some time, then the next day, I’m pretty sure I saw the same person again. Or another example was that I saw someone on Instagram that is connected to a ocd obsession of mine in a roundabout way and then that same day, I saw the sister of this person whilst searching Instagram. I suppose I was searching Instagram for a local amenity and they are both locals, so maybe it’s not that odd. It’s just that OCD feeds off this stuff and reads a lot into it. Does anyone have any advice for this please? Thank you.",1 "I have aspergers and when I told my a girl I am now seeing about it she accepted it well. She went home and did a little bit of research and from the 3 articles she read she figured out we mask and sometimes mimic who we are around. She is worried she is just liking herself not actually me. She asked me if I do any of that and in what ways. I said yes I do but couldn't describe it well enough. I'm looking to see how others mask and mimic others so I can kinda form a list of which ones I recognize that I do as well.",3 Hey guys. I’m currently on 37.5mg clomipramine and 300mg wellbutrin (pure o) My ocd has gotten out of hand so my psychiatrist recommended I increase to 50mg. Just wondering if anyone has experience increasing this amount. I’m a pretty small and petite person so when I increase a dosage my body feels it and the side effects instantly but after some time it will subside. I just want to be able to function again and not have these intrusive thoughts about everyone and everything all the time. I get flashbacks all the time of random events from my childhood that really have no meaning but it makes me want to go back to being a kid when things weren’t as tough as they are now at 25 and working full time. Also on top of that I just get the intrusive thoughts that I’m ugly and no one actually wants to be my friend because of the shit I’m going through mentally. The list goes on and on. Oh also I can’t drive because every time I get in a car I picture myself getting killed. I live in a city so I don’t need a car but it general eventually I’m going to have to get one if I move. Anyways I’m venting let me know if you have experience with this dosage.,1 "Recently I’ve been trying harder than normal to put myself out there and try to find a relationship. I have NT friends that I see all the time either getting married or with a girlfriend all the time. It makes me a little insecure obviously to be the one in the group who struggles (well duh). Do any of you use dating apps (tinder, bumble,etc)? If so do you make it clear in your bio or somewhere that you’re on the spectrum. If so do you find it helps or no? I use tinder a bunch and I’m a pretty attractive person but my ‘game’ is horrendous as one would guess and I’m wondering if making it clear that I’m socially inept helps with breaking the ice.",3 "Hi guys, I'm a self diagnosed teen and I have done loads of research and took the aspie quiz (I got 41/50) and I felt a bit lost as my parents do not know. I was a premature (45 days early) and teachers always call me ""gifted"" or ""intellectual"" what should I do?",3 "Where does ocd end and I begin? This is eating me up inside and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s a special feeling and I’m sure someone else has gone through it. I really can’t do anything about it. You don’t have to tell me the details but I feel so alone right now. I was on top of the mountain and in an instant I’m down in cold dark valley. I was overthinking and convinced myself I needed to break someone’s trust. Why? Because I felt like I was in danger basically. I can’t tell them that I broke their trust. Just can’t. I have to live with this until I’m dead. I fucked it all up. I threw everything we had down the drain. And now I have to either keep the relationship going, all the while hiding what I did, or fess up. But I can’t fess up. I have no choice. I can only surmise from this that I’m a horrible person. I’m a villain. I’m always in this position, stuff like this happens repeatedly. I don’t deserve life or happiness. Just imagine if all your worst ocd fears were true. Like literally actually TRUE. That’s what I have to deal with. And I feel like no one will ever understand. Edit: like I just saw this post about how all ocd is gaslighting cuz none of what the ocd is saying is true. Well It’s terrifying but I don’t have that luxury. Everything my ocd is saying is real. I did something wrong. I fucked up. There’s no guidebook for this. I feel like everyone is gonna ignore this post too because I’m like proof of some terrible truth about the illness, or it’s just too scary to imagine being me. And no one is going to want to tell me anything cuz they’re scared I’m gonna kill myself if they agree that I’m the villain. But it’s ok. I think I’ve known for a while now that this is the role I was meant to play. I’m just so alone. I’m so sad. I’m so hopeless.",1 I was even afraid typing this out might cause it to come true 😭. This was like my 5th attempt typing this that I didn’t close the window.,1 "Hey everyone. I'm looking to get out of the part-time restaurant work as a busser and am looking to see what types of jobs that may interest me. I'm having a difficult time finding motivation to search but decided to take action to the internet to see what others could suggest. I'm a 20 year old male and looking for a full time position doing simple tasks that are not too overwhelming or stressful. I have no experience and never went to college. I just want something stable where I will feel comfortable with the work. In person or working from home. I'd prefer to get away from the restaurant business and want something that may interest me for the long-term. I have difficulty finding what exactly I want to do and my family keeps suggesting random ideas. Working with many people isn't impossible for me but minimal interactions with simple tasks might be best. If you have any suggestions or stories, please feel free to share.",3 "Just to preface I'd like to say I respect everyone's opinion and I hope to offend no one with what I'm about to say, if you are going to try to change my opinion on monogamy and boundaries, please don't. For the past 3.5 months, I've had a cuckold OCD episode and I feel like all my boundaries in terms of relationship and monogamy are not emotionally backed anymore. For example, I've never been cheated on, but I've imagined the feeling and it was one of pain and humiliation, but now it's more like a meh feeling. I've never wanted threesomes or anything like that, I only wanted and masturbated to the idea of monogamous, two-party intercourse, I was never interested in non-monogamous sex of any kind. But now the same repulsion against non-monogamy isn't there, I feel that I might try, although morally I disagree with it, I would never want anyone to have intercourse or be sexual with my SO, but I don't feel the same repulsion to the idea as I did in the past. Sometimes I feel confused like I have the boundaries, but I don't at the same time. In the past if I imagined getting cheated on it was a hurtful feeling, now it's like meh. It feels like I don't care about morals I held in the past about relationships, such as standards and boundaries. I always looked down on, for lack of better words, (no offense please) people who had cuckold fetishes or were polygamous, or anything like that. Can someone explain if this is a part of the OCD theme that I am having or something else? I've been noticing this lack of boundaries ever since the OCD episode began, just in case, I wasn't clear. For those who don't know: Cuckold OCD: Fear that I'll enjoy watching my SO being intimate with others.",1 Does anybody have an unpleasant/unwanted event stuck in their mind and you cannot remove it from your mind?,1 "Majority of the time when I start thinking about it too intensely, I get so frustrated to the point that I don't know what else to do other than hurt myself. I've tried like drawing my feelings out or just drawing in general but it always comes back to the same thing. I'm not really sure how to deal with it or if I really can. It just takes so much of a physical toll on me and the physical flashbacks make everything worse, particularly when it happens almost every day. I am trying so hard, I promise but damn does it hurt.",3 "I know how much my OCD tears me apart so I get so paranoid that it’s going to happen again and i’m going to have to put my life on pause. This always happens during important parts in my life where I need to be happy. For example, on my birthday. Because I knew I wanted to be happy on my birthday the night before I thought so much to the point where I had a bad OCD day even though I was doing so well. I’m so paranoid of going back into that state I put myself into that state. Does anyone feel this way too? Sorry if this doesn’t make sense lol.",1 "I write this after a very very long night. Yesterday I ate something that made me sick, I’m not sure what it was. The worst part is that somehow that excruciating pain brought back memories from when I was abuse at 8yo and again when I was 26yo, that last time was in a hospital, the nurse sedated me and took me to the guy that did x rays... I thought I would die... The memories where so vivid that I was yelling and crying, I could feel the pain again, I was so scare, I have never feel this way before, I have had other panic attacks episodes but nothing like this... of course I puke all night and struggle with the flashbacks and the pain... but now I feel terrible, I don’t feel sick anymore but I feel like I’m dying inside, I’m scare to eat again, and sleep, I never realize how scare you hospitals I am... I’m sorry for bugging with my history, I’m just so lost",3 "I have a few questions: ​ 1. How do you experience the contact with people with ASS / autism / aspergers in real life? (If you have any) ​ 2. Do you feel like you immediatly get eachother our does it still feel awkward like with some NT people? 3. Do you feel like you can recognize autism / ASS in others more easy?",3 "Hello friendly community. I was recently diagnosed with inattentive ADHD at the age of 28. Honestly, it makes a lot of sense and I do not disagree with the diagnosis. I'm very thankful for my wife encouraging me to go see a doctor. My question for you people is this: How do I not let my diagnosis define me? Sometimes I will do something that before diagnosis I will blame myself for not paying enough attention to something but now I start to think along the lines of it's okay, it's because I have ADHD. Or for example I will forget to text my mom for several days after she texted me for something important. In the past I just own up to it and apologized oh, now I am thinking in my head. It's not my fault I have ADHD which is clearly not right. Hopefully somebody here understands why I am saying, what are your thoughts?",0 "So, I've been treating OCD with this doc for a while now and I never missed an appointment. I don't even arrive late for them because I feel like it'd be inconsiderate on my part. This month, I had an emergency at one of my jobs and had to cancel when they called me asking if they could confirm my appointment for the next day (or later that same day, I don't remember anymore). They canceled but warned me they wouldn't be able to schedule another appointment that month. I asked them if they could let me know if someone canceled so I could go because of my prescriptions, they agreed and hang up. Fast forward a couple days, I'm almost out of medicine. I try contact them (I think I did, everything is hazy) but no answers. Today it's been a few days I've been out of medicine and I called to ask if they could please accommodate me because not taking lamotrigine can be incredibly dangerous (could even cause convulsions). This doctor was the one that warned me about not stopping my medicine. They said they were full. I said I could pay for a full appointment just to get the prescription because I'm feeling really ill. They ignored my message. After a moment they say they'll be able to see me on Monday, so I'll have three more days of symptoms with no medicine to go. Had they got back at me like they said they would, I could've looked for another doctor at least this once because it was an emergency, but they didn't. They said someone always cancels and were quick to get me an appointment now, but if someone always cancels they could've helped me out before I spent DAYS with no meds. I'm usually calm and collected, I've always been that way, but because lamotrigine is a humor stabilizer, now I feel incredibly unstable. It feels like 3 PMS at once! All I want to do is cry and sleep and maybe eat. I feel dizzy and everything is hazy. Am I being too much of a jerk for being so upset and pissed at them even though I was the one who cancelled the first time?",1 "So there's embarrassing pictures of me on facebook on someone's facebook. I dont necessarily mean embarrassing i mean just bad pics i dont like. I do notice when i unfriend the account i can no longer see the photos, but when i friend the account i can see the photos once again. This should be enough evidence the photos are private but im scared since i have an android they'll only be private on an android and my ocd is telling me ios users can still see the photos. It's made me ruminate all day",1 " I know I am not the center of the universe, but the universe feels like it is suffocating me to the point where I cannot breathe. My depression is overwhelming me to the point where it is shooting my anxiety in all directions. I cannot concentrate. I woke up this morning crying erratically and had thoughts to end it all. I am sick of dealing with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and fucking OCD. I am sick of people treating my like shit because I have depression and fucking dismissing my disease. I am fucking sick of having to constantly deal with abuse from people who take advantage of the fact that I care. My sisters are the biggest c\*nts in the world. They are literally trying to turn my whole family against me because I spoke up against the fact that my sister married an active addict I caught rummaging through my father's things in my father's house. The fucker is a racist piece of shit, cocky, arrogant, smug, and my sister is dumb as shit. He disrespected my Father, my husband, and I spoke up. My sister pummeled me, fucking bruised by skull and gave me a concussion and then she gets my other bitch of a sister to take her side when she hasn't see shit this fucking appendage has done to disrespect my father. I know that bitch resents me too because i have always been the Daddy's girl so I feel like they are both just bitter bitches.....I am not a bad person. Why do I let people who don't give a fuck about me effect me so much to the point where I am shaking and cannot contain my anger, tears, and rage. I want to cut today. I want to cut, I want to feel control. I can''t though because I promised my husband I wouldn't and i KNOW it is not the best way to deal with shit but I am on the breaking point and I feel like I am one step closer to the edge. I am so sick of being invalidated, being called a whore for being raped in college, being told I am a loser because I am changing my career at 35, being made feel like shit because I want to protect those i love. I just want to slap the living daylights out of both my c\*nt sisters....fucking bitches.",3 "How many times do i have to explain, to uneducated people what aspergers or autism is, I feel that I need to carry a leaflet around to give them information, the only people that I don't need to explain to is other aspies and millennials. Do any of you have the same problem?",3 "Hello, everyone working and studying from home! I just want to survey about the characteristics you would like to see in a desk and chair that will absolutely be helpful to people with ADHD. I, myself, am exhibiting similar symptoms of AHDH. However, I still haven't gotten myself checked. So I want to hear the thoughts of people who are actually diagnosed. I'm actually a design student and this survey will help me create a furniture design for people with ADHD. Hopefully, I might bring this design to reality after I graduated.",0 "Hi there - I want to state right now, I do not suffer from PTSD. I do have depression, but as the child of a PTSD parent - there’s a distinct difference. My husband has pretty significant PTSD along with TBI from both, his childhood, and his time as a combat veteran. And in sum, the resources he has tried to use have failed him pretty severely. He’s had therapists quit on him, he’s been over medicated, and under medicated… and both of those can cause some pretty serious issues. He essentially refuses to try finding a new doctor, a new therapist, or utilizing any support group inside or outside of the VA. I love him and I want to be able to encourage him to find resources of his own and build a better relationship with his mental state. He’s going through it pretty severely right now and I don’t know what to do. I know that I can’t help him if he won’t help himself, but every time we get close to making a big move with regard to physicians or treatment of any kind - he shuts down. There’s no time, he’s busy, we don’t have the money (we do), we don’t have good enough insurance (we do)… it kind of breaks and we have to start all over. I know there’s no magic buttons, what helped you start to take the right steps to finding treatment?",3 "first thing and primarily thing, i don't think i have the capacity to be a good person. i've done some terrible shit. i'm unforgivable for it. i know that. i obsess over anything i think might be different. i thought i felt cavities in all of my teeth, and obsessed over what i thought was a receding gum line. i thought my bird was egg bound because i hadn't seen her poop in a few hours. i have to check the doors at least three times every time i come inside, in case i forget and the dogs run out. worst of all i found three ants in my room and have no idea what theey're feeding on, so i have to clean my whole INTENSELY cluttered and seriously difficult to clear out room. thinking about them gives me a panic attack every time. i just fucked things up. that's it",1 nobody actually fucking cares. my closest friends don’t. my family hates me. my teachers think i hate their class. not a single person gives a fuck,2 "Every single night that I think to myself “damn i should really do something about this i’m absolutely miserable wow” and try to do something to better myself the moment i wake up for the new day (and succeed), the fucking day after that, i feel even worse as if i had used up all my energy just to make yesterday a good day. I’m not even making progress. Just finding temporary fixes, is what I believe i’m doing… Edit: thank you everyone for giving out things that i can do :D",2 "I couldn't really think of anywhere else to talk about this. So, in the summer I was suicidal to the point of making plans and abusing medication to the point of causing myself injuries when black out. I sought help, but the way things are structured here in the UK means it is nearly impossible without nearly a year's wait these days to actually get talking therapy, and instead you have to do other activities which I find stressful. Admittedly, this is a probably strange part of my character - I don't hold jobs for more than a year because I still feeling so stressed and trapped, it isn't what I actually want to do (I'm an artist as a hobby) and I start feeling this desperation and depression in day jobs. Anyway, it's the same issue with these activities- I feel trapped into doing things that are forcing me into a life I don't want. I guess I want to know if anybody else has this issue? I feel so alone and isolated because I just can't seem to fit into society's idea of what one ""should do"". Idk if this makes sense.",2 I find I’m exhausted for hours after I do exposures. I set a time and date for doing them but find it does not get any easier and I’m left feeling like I was on a rollercoaster I didn’t want to be on for the rest of the day. What do you do to calm down and move on?,1 "I just got out of a situationship (like an hour ago) so I guess this is a bit of a rant/question. But I find my hyperfocus traits and impulse are at their worst when I'm really into someone. ​ With most people I reply when I reply. I easily forget or start typing but pause to do something else. It could be hours or even days, I'm always apologetic and it's not a big deal because I'm clear why and how these things can happen to me. ​ But when I'm into someone, like really into someone it's a train wreck. I want to be with them all the time (despite generally being quite introverted and reclusive at times). I reply instantly and I'm always thinking how can I brighten their day, or what would be a good gift. Maybe I'll figure out how to surprise with their favourite things etc... this part goes down really well. ​ The flipside is the the crippling rejection I feel if they take too long to reply for example. Are they bored of me? Am I unexciting? Have they found someone more interesting? And I'll end up double texting or even triple because I feel I explained something poorly. And then suddenly its 5 messages and it's all just too much. Or if they open a message and don't reply within 12ish hours I'm instantly terrified I'm getting ghosted, even if it's been months into it. ​ I guess I'm just frustrated because we clicked on so many levels and it's over now because I couldn't control this part of me. Really sucks :(",0 it’s scary to think i may not ever get better because im just wired this way . no hope,2 "Okay so I'll save you from reading my last post, basically I listed how I felt and that I have depressive episodes every few months. Now one of my old friends got in contact with me and very promptly pointed out that he thinks I have depression becuase I have a constant need to socialize and not socializing makes me feel shitty. He said I don't notice it becuase I'm normally able to socialize but when I'm not at college and I can't socialize I spiral. He's right about the socializing part. I've been off college for a few days following a breakdown and yesterday barely anyone was able to text with me like usual, and becuase I'd seen no one I was feeling lonely. Then the thoughts started to creep in. I was feeling lonely, I felt like everyone had forgotten about me and that I was nothing, I felt like everyone just keeps me around becuase they're sorry for me. I started to feel the horrible type of heartbeat that you feel when you have anxiety attacks, and I felt like I was going to have a breakdown for most of the night. I was really scared seeing as I didn't want to do anything stupid. Out of desperation I text my friend and he gave me ideas of what to do such as drawing/playing on my switch/sleeping etc but I've been doing those constantly since I was temporarily booted from college the other day. I felt really shit and decided to go eat dinner and try to go to sleep. Didn't manage to get to sleep for a good 3 hours. --- Please help me out - all my friends are starting to point out that they think I have depression and I don't know how to feel about it. I'm off for college for another week and I don't know how I'll cope. Edit: forgot to mention that the friend who told me he thinks I have depression is diagnosed and has been trying to tell me for months but I've denied it every time becuase I've Normally been kinda fine every other time he's mentioned it",2 "I was at the dentist office with my son, and a very angry man came in to complain to the management. A petite woman came out to talk to this tall guy, and he kept shutting her down - cutting her off, interrupting, raising his voice. I got triggered hard. Started hyperventilating, heart started racing. I tried the ask them guy to have a seat, because he was elderly and using a walker. He refused, saying he was too mad to sit. So then I just came right out and told him “listen, I know you’re mad - it’s palpable and I can feel it all the way over here- but could you do me a favor, and maybe sit down for a second? You’re triggering my PTSD from working with the Army, and I would really appreciate it if your could bring yoir volume down a bit too please.” After that, the office lady came to escort him into an office - and asked if I would like to go into one when he loudly refused too. She could tell I was shook. I decided to go Outside instead. Then I decided to LEAN INTO the panic attack (I was crying and shaking and it was hard to breathe). I just started a YouTube channel on talking openly about mental Health issues and how I deal with my conditions as naturally as possible. So I got my phone out and FILMED my Panic Attack - and how I was able to calm Myself down. And it worked! I got out my essential oils and worry stone and did deep breathing and practiced gratitude. My panic attack went away, and I was able to go back into the office and not feel like a complete loser for losing my shit in there. I even shared my Yoitube info and had a great chat with the office staff about mental health awareness. It was a really awesome way to end what could have been a really horrible visit! Just wanted to share on here because I’m pretty friggin’ proud of myself right now! Edit: Thank you to anyone who upvoted or commented, and the award. I really needed that feedback to have the courage to hit the “Post” button on my video. So here it is for you guys - I’m nervous as all hell, 1st time I’m showing the public me in all my messiness! https://youtu.be/NJK8qMU33qM",3 "Usually vyvance calms people right? Well for me I usually feel way too lazy to shake my leg. Vyvance makes me shake my leg and fidget like the adhd symptom is. Things feel more clear But it has the opposite effect on my brain. It makes my brain feel like it needs less stimulation. Usually I’m grossly addicted to my phone and get lost in my phone. But on vyvance I can sit still and do things w out constantly needing my phone",0 "Hi. Its has being a whiles since my last post. I came here today just to say that Im feeling bad, not just about me. Those sad thought made me think more often about suicide, Im going to do it now, but i kinda accepted that it will be a reallity soon or later.",2 if im happy or something funny happens theres no problem naturally smiling/laughing..but for a photo or fake smile i just cant...i try rly hrd and it only makes it worse...,3 "I have trouble expressing myself verbally when the topic is something personal and complicated that affects me emotionally. Sometimes I go completely nonverbal. I have figured out what helps me is to be asked specific questions. This ranges from being able to take rather vague questions as a take of point to only being able to communicate through yes/no questions, wich requires the ine who asks to be extremely specific.",3 I feel like I'm stuck in a hole I can't get out of. Does it get better? I feel apathetic and exhausted. I hate complaining and asking for help. I feel like it's my fault no matter how much they tell me it's not.,3 "I’m a new nurse and I find myself struggling to remember things I need to get done/doing things in a timely manner. I’ve been orienting on the mother baby unit for five weeks and my preceptor is a lovely sweet person but also an experienced nurse and wants me to do things her way and sometimes stresses me out bc she’s a bit bossy at times. I really struggle to do things quickly and not take a while every time I go into a room, I also struggle with executive dysfunction and brain fog so much that my last unit I was working on (super busy stressful med surge unit) had to let me go. I deal with a lot of rejection sensitivity so I beat myself up but then sometimes I know I’m actually doing poorly and I beat myself up more… and then I try to be positive and think about what I did well and feel like I’m just being optimistic/lying to myself I’m wondering if anyone has some tips? I make lists and take report on a notecard which I can refer to and update throughout my day. I just have trouble “staying on” for a twelve+ hour day. Edit: edited for clarity and typos",0 "Hey everyone. Tough subject but I went through some rough patches because of my ptsd. I blacked out and started fights with one of the people I live with. I’ve already dealt with the court and everything that has to do with that.. so now I’m back living at home and things are fine between us. However being here is extremely triggering. I find myself staring at walls for hours, crying unexpectedly, feeling flighty, getting angry and defensive when nothing is going on. I just don’t feel like myself. Not to mention I wasn’t happy here to begin with. I’m thinking maybe some sage could help me process the trauma mentally and give the area a new feeling. But I’m really looking for any advice as how to deal with these feelings and to help process the trauma in these walls. 🖤 Diagnosed at 13 (I am in therapy but not on medication 23f)",3 "I used to drink 2-3 0.5l cans of regular energy drinks every day without having any problems with caffeine tolerance and I was wondering if that could mean that I would also have a need for a higher than average concerta dose? I didn't really feel any effect on 18mg, 36mg, and today I tried 54mg with barely any improvement - slightly easier to start things and slightly easier to maintain my focus, but it feels like I got more physically restless. It would be interesting to see what dose ended up being the most effective for you and what amount of caffeine could you consume without any side effects to see if there is any obvious correlation. (If there are any scientific studies I would be really happy if you shared them :) )",0 "Hello so basically im diagnosed with asd and also i have a pretty severe case of sensory processing disorder - i cant stand the feeling of paper and sometimes it can even cause me to have physical symptoms. I was wondering if anyone has the same experience and **most importantly does anyone have anyways of overcoming it?** I'm starting sixth form college this september and i really need to change this. thanks!",3 "Hello, I have been taking Sertraline (aka Zoloft) for couple of years. But one thing I've never gotten over was the fatigue and drowsiness it causes throughout the day (esp. dangerous when you're driving). I've tried the below alternatives but stopped taking them because it wasn't useful. Has anything else helped you guys? Thank you in advance! **I stopped taking these:** * Olanzapine 2.5mg: * Felt drowsy after 1 & 1/2 hours * Felt tremor in head when waking up on second and third day, * Aripiprazole 5mg * Bupropion XL 150mg Tab ANC * Was prescribed to ""wake me up"" so I don't drive drowsy but wasn't helpful after a few days **I'm thinking about taking these:** * Rhodiola (an herbal supplement) * Supposedly an adderall equivalent according to a colleague, which mountain climbers and others take to improve mental acuity.",1 Today I went to my first therapy session and she said that she thinks I do have OCD. I've been so worried the past month that I've been lying about everything so I'm definitely relieved now. And the therapy session itself wasn't as bad as I thought it would be!,1 I was diagnosed with PTSD as a child I have trouble emotionally connecting with anyone I have been to therapy and taken pills and nothing seems to help is there a different kind of therapy I can try?,3 "Last night I watched the end of the series Doctor Death and it’s triggered this belief-spiral that I’ve had as long as I can remember (first time I remember being like 4?) that in the future I’m going to commit some huge crime/evil against my will and be blamed for it and go to prison. That inherently I am not concretely enough a good person to have the security of knowing I’m in control. It’s like I’m the car but at any moment a driver could take it over and run it into the ocean. My mind churns out repetitive garbage (that if I say out loud can sometimes be soothing strangely enough) “The devil is inside of me”, “bad, bad man” “you can run you can hide but you’ll never escape who you are inside”. I don’t like hurting or causing pain to people or animals so I don’t think I’m suppressing an urge (now I’ve said that I’m going to convince myself it IS an urge 🙃) but it’s like just this belief fear thing I get transient episodes of that I am going to hurt somebody very badly against my will. Society will turn against me.",1 "My husband has just been diagnosed with ADHD. HELLO! Everyone my name is Mariah & I'm married to George. We've been together 12 years & married 11 years. About 4 months ago we started marriage counseling. Today was a televisit with our councilor and I have to say I am left annoyed and frustrated. I also have feelings of selfishness and guilt. I am very new to learning about partnering with an ADHD adult & after today's session it feels like the marriage problems aren't a 2 people problem but I'm left feeling like I'm the problem. My husband & the counselor say he's like so & I have to accept that this is his personality. When I asked if people diagnosed with ADHD may take responsibility for any marriage problems they both acted like I offended the whole world of ADHD people. She keeps on saying how many great qualities ADHD people have as well...??? I asked both to please share those qualities their answers ""it varies from person to person"" I thought we were moving forward I thought he could try and communicate with me better since that's were I feel we both are lacking. I feel terrible for having these feelings since it isn't about me but what the heck! Does this mean? I read the stuff online and I understand it but what's killing me is how does this apply to our relationship. I've been asked to be patient. I've been very patient. Please,I need some advice from maybe partners of significant others with ADHD. What should I focus instead of this feeling of selfishness? It feels like I'm all alone. He has to find himself & the ADHD and I am left out feeling like all these problems have been just on me or in my head because he has ADHD. What do I do?",0 I was wondering? Do you guys easily get triggered on a daily basis? From like revving engines to pretty much anything else?,3 "I would probably still have no idea that nonverbal cues are even a thing Also why is it only overthinking when it’s things that we do? Normal people will judge someone by their posture while walking but we don’t think of that as overthinking",3 "Hi my fellow fighters. I need some advice from those of who you have slayed this beast OCD as best as you possibly can. Once you've done all your exposures, you've done all your CBT, you've tackled 1-20 of all your greatest fears and nothing has happened, you've reduced your anxiety from maxed-out 100% to like 20% **but you're still struggling with the General Beliefs & Assumptions, the Critical Incident and Early Experiences that kickstarted this mf in the first place --** THEN WHAT? I know not all OCD is from trauma or a messed up childhood but for me it most certainly is - my early life experiences and a critical incident married together so perfectly to give birth to a bunch of general beliefs & assumptions that has brought forth OCD. And now the OCD petals have been plucked out but I am still haunted and bothered and worried, upset and emotional about what brought this about in the first place. How do I tackle this? I've been googling psychologist vs psychiatrist vs psychoanalyst and I am none the wiser. I'm pretty confident I have PTSD but I'm not sure. I'm struggling to process my early life experiences and my general beliefs. If you are struggling with something alongside OCD but that is deeper and a core belief, how do you uproot it? Who do you see to diagnose it and then who should you see to uproot it? Anyone who has any advice and experience in what I'm talking about first-hand, your thoughts are very much appreciated. I am UK based just in case that's relevant. Thanks",1 Ive been super depressed like to the point where I only eat once a day and barely get out of bed for the past couple of days but I have work tomorrow. How do I cope with my depression before I can see my therapist?,2 For me at the moment it s [Warduna - Lyfjaber](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEizKmZlUAw),3 "I just wanna actually like me. GOD IT'S ALL I FUCKING WANT! Why is it? Why do I get such an upclose view of all my flaws and failures? Why are they constantly blaring in my head? What is it like, to fuck up and just be okay with that? To make a mistake, without assuming that it's proof that the world is better off with you gone? What's it like, to just assume you'll figure things out when you don't know what to do? What's it like to be okay when someone tells you they didn't like something you did, because you know deep down that you're valuable person no matter what they think? Tell me, what's it like to think about who you are, and not just see all of the parts of yourself that you wished were different? Because I want the chance to just imagine it. To just fucking imagine it. Like it doesn't even seem real to me. Imagine being able to comfort yourself? Imagine not assuming everyone else doesn't want you around. Imagine thinking you improve other people's lives. Imagine being proud of yourself, imagine feeling like you haven't already betrayed all the hardwork and effort you put into getting where you are? Because I don't understand it. It didn't hit me until now, but I'm just trying so desperately to be a person that I can't even fucking understand. I don't think there's anything more alien to me than the idea of loving myself, of just, accepting me for me. So if any of you guys have been there, even for a second. Even for just a fucking moment in your life, where you're okay with who you are. Tell me, what was it like?",2 I have addiction issues with benzos and alcohol. I have no license or way to get into meetings Uber is out my near ASD specialist is a $180 round trip. I really prefer in person I never like virtual ones. I don't want to drink I don't want to take benzos I need help. My town is so small it's only for alcoholics. I tired it out but it was way to religious. I never hurt anyone but myself I am alone nobody to care for just trying to make it. I never stole I always worked for my fix I'm sad to say that but I rather die before I steal for a fix.,3 "I've been having a hard time finding work, does anybody have a job hunting resource for people with ASD",3 "Hello, this is my first post here. I dont know if I'm looking for advice or just others' perspectives on a situation or what, but I need to discuss it in a space where others might understand. I'm a college student. I also have PTSD from a situation that was very abusive and fucked six ways to sunday. One that effectively destroyed my life and very nearly killed me. I had to take time off school because of it, and ultimately I ended up moving to a new state and transferring universities and just trying to start a new life. I've been having trouble continuing studying what I used to study (physics), so I've been kind of branching out with other types of classes to see if i might want to change my major and pursue something else instead. That's why this semester I'm taking a drama class. I thought that maybe doing something different and creative/artistic might be a positive experience. This is an introductory course for students who are not drama majors, so I had an expectation that it would be good exposure to the dramatic arts without expecting too much of me. But it has become a huge source of anxiety and stress for me. The current situation: The bulk of the semester's graded assignments are tied into this one play we were assigned to read. This play deals with some very heavy and serious material--that is similar to the situation I escaped from--and when it was first assigned I read the synopsis and knew that I might find it unpleasant but I really thought it wouldn't bother me too badly. I thought I could deal with it. I was wrong. We didn't actually get around to reading the play itself until last week (already midway through the semester). I found it was really hard to get through, even reading it privately, and my insomnia, nightmares and even flashbacks have been much worse because of it. Then, the instructors said the next assignment is to actually perform the scenes from the play, for the entire class. I 100% know I cannot do this. I read through the scene I was assigned and it was awful--they're basically asking me to step into the role of a character who is hurting another character in exactly the way I was hurt IRL, and this is a character the audience is meant to sympathize with in this scene. I emailed my instructor and explained that the central themes and content of this play are hitting me hard because they are similar to a past experience of mine that was traumatic, and that I did not anticipate that I was going to have this much of a problem with it but I am, and that I didnt feel safe or comfortable performing scenes from it. I asked if he was willing to work with me on an alternative so that I can still be part of the class and have a chance at a good grade. My instructor is basically unwilling to work with or even try to accommodate me. He stressed what an inconvenience it was to bring up so late in the semester and also said it would be unfair to the other students if he were to allow me a difference scene or an alternative assignment and that my unwillingness to participate would negatively affect their grades. He also suggested that performing these scenes offers ""a rare opportunity for healing"". We emailed back and forth a bit, he asked me to discuss it in person but also refused to schedule office hours on account of being too busy, and concluded by saying that accommodating ne would result in a serious deduction from my grade--basically, that I would be failed. I am at a loss for what to do or how to respond. I think that ""opportunities for healing"" are in the realm of therapy, not an undergraduate intro to drama class. I had been seeing a therapist until recently, and this traumatic experience I suffered was not so long ago. I'm not over it. I havent healed yet. I am working on it but recovery is a process. I should not have to compromise my mental health or my academic success for the sake of classroom art. This is an awful position I'm being put in, it's incredibly triggering, but I seem to have no recourse. I'm not registered with the campus disability office because frankly I didn't need the type of accommodations they offer (extra test time and whatnot) but it also means that if I take it up with a higher authority the instructor has every right to deny me accommodation because I'm not officially documented with the campus. Simply dropping the class is not an option because my financial aid is dependent upon me being enrolled as a full time student (by credit hour) and I live off my financial aid. That's what I pay rent with. If I lose my aid I will most definitely be evicted by Christmas. I feel so powerless and angry and like this is not right, but I've been told by some people that its normal and expected to ""suffer for your art"" or that having a related trauma is actually good because it will make my performance ""more authentic"". This is not goddamn Broadway, this is Drama 101 for Non-majors!! I came to this university, I took this particular class, to try to move on from my abuse, not to relive it and perform it publicly for entertainment and a grade. The stress and anxiety is affecting my ability to function, I have relapsed with self harm, I started out the semester so excited for this class and eager to learn but now I just dread it, and I'm disgusted with myself for being so weak and inconvenient to everyone.",3 "How to explain** I recently told everyone that I just got diagnosed with ADHD and they didn’t believe me. When I told my problems to them. They were like “yeah It happened to me too” or “that’s pretty normal” I just need some empathy from them and need to hear something like “You will get better. I’m always here for you. You have my support “ What am i gonna do when self-love is not enough?",0 Most of the time I feel just neutral to me feeling any emotion is a relatively uncommon event that happens like a couple times a week.,3 Send me a message ! And we can talk if you’re going through a harsh time.,3 "Hey y'all. I honestly just need to vent. I was diagnosed with ADHD last month and got prescribed 10mg adderall to take twice a day. I've only been taking it when I go to class or need to study because I have a really hard time focusing (in general). The few times I've taken it outside of class for a clearer head/ executive function I've noticed I'm little more snippy/aggressive than usual so I only try to take it when I need to study. However I've taken it a few times and become completely focused on something else and then spend the entire ""working period"" of my meds not studying. Yesterday I was told I wasn't needed at work so I decided to spend the morning playing animal crossing (the new update lol). I was so engrossed I didn't eat or do anything from 7am to 12pm. Then I realized I should probably eat and take my adderall so I could study. Well I ate and then took my meds and ended up taking a two hour nap. I didn't wake up until almost 5pm. I was so frustrated but i still tried to study. I ended up barely studying and instead kept switching between playing animal crossing and doing one question at a time on my study guide. I didn't have this issue when I first started my adderall. I have my one month follow up on Tuesday and I'm considering asking about a higher dose. I'd like to take my adderall daily just bc of my dysfunction and general brain fog all the time but the decreased appetite kinda worries me. When I first started my meds I went a whole day without eating bc my brain couldn't comprehend that i needed food if my stomach wasn't growling. Honestly just having a hard time and I feel like an imposter both with my ADHD diagnosis and my progress in my nursing program. (I didn't really retain any info for nursing until I started taking my adderall so I feel so far behind even though I've managed to pass all my previous classes with B's.)",0 "I think my brain is going into blank mode because it’s overwhelmed rn. Ok I’m back. Anyways I’ve been really worried lately and very depressed and sad. Feeling a lot of despair and terror. Mostly cuz so much death has been around me these past couple years. But also just getting older. I’m 27. I look around my family and I’m terrified that none of us are actually ok. Both parents are very successful and well know in the community but I still worry that just like I’ve been suffering alone with OCD, social anxiety and depression, they probably have as well. Though maybe not in the same way. I can just tell that so many people say they’re “ok” but in their eyes they are everything but that. It crushed me today thinking of our house and all of use just weeping despondently alone all with walls between us. Never embracing each other. Just picture how sad that is. Jesus. Anyways. For myself I come in and out of these weird phases or points of view where I feel like a fraud with my mental illness and times when I’m literally despairing. I’ve had moments where I step back and realize that certain behaviors of mine aren’t normal. Like how I socially shut down in certain situations. Like I almost try to disappear. Like a wall comes up when certain things happen in social settings, one that I can never get over. Like how I spend an uncommon amount of time weeping in despair all by myself. Most of my emotional support comes from myself and also these types of posts tbh. Getting back to socializing after a year inside helped some of this stuff become apparent. And I knew this was going to happen too. I won’t go into detail but some comments that I think were meant to be inclusive to socially awkward people like myself actually made me feel like a freak. One of my siblings friends talked about some dating technique but didn’t mention my name when he suggested that the guys try it out on their next date. Cuz he knows I haven’t so much as brushed past a female in like over half a decade. But stuff like being a 27 yo virgin living at home with no job is really trivial. Sad to say. Back to my family. I’m worried about how stuck in our roles and ways we humans can get. It’s very very scary. I recently witnessed true suffering, my grandparent dying. Not just dying, worse. It seemed like every moment she was in unbearable pain. And I stayed nights there and tried to care for her. I worry they shouldn’t have been alive for so long. Physically must have been suffering for years and mentally? God knows. There’s other unspeakable tragedies that have happened in my family. I worry about how all this stuff has impacted me and who I am and what I’ll be. How it’s impacted my parents and there personality. I can see very clearly a dysfunctional cycle and history repeating itself. Sometimes I feel like the only one in the family that does see this kind of stuff, so I bear that burden. Of having to live that reality while everyone else lives in a different one, oblivious. It almost feels like insanity at times. Parallel realities. I feel like I carry a lot of unspoken burdens, many many related to my personality and ocd. I’m scared that my life will stay this way until the end if it all stays unspoken. Got nothing else. I was crying my eyes out and had to talk but I’m done. Please reply if you want to and Thanks for reading this jumbled mess if you did.",1 "TW: Sexual assault I’m kind of just yelling into the void today, but I just feel so heavy and don’t know what to do with all of that. I look at people who are so well adjusted and healthy, the ones that do art and have friends over and cook real dinners. I’m just so upset that none of that is easy for me. I can barely manage eating a microwave meal or showering sometimes. It’s like I only have enough energy to do one thing, and once that’s done I’m done too. I see some people who go to school and work and still have the energy to go to the gym all while being happy and refreshed. I feel like I haven’t slept in 10 years even when my sleep is okay. I’m just so damn tired of all this. I’m tired of feeling like I’m constantly at war with myself. I feel like a bad person all the time because I think “what if I’m just faking all of this to manipulate people? “ What if I made this all up? My own body triggered a flashback the other day. I put my own hand on myself and there I was, feeling absolutely dirty and used and impure. Like he was here ruining me again. I feel like a shell of the girl I used to be. Like there isn’t one ounce of light in me anymore.",3 "Sorry for how long this is- just a lot of background info haha When I was 16, I did an exchange abroad in South Korea. I met a man (26) online through Tinder ( I know, I know. I should've been more cautious regarding my safety in a foreign country, but all my cohort members were using it and I was curious about experiences with the opposite gender, plus I go to an all-girls high school lol). In the first meeting, we went to karaoke and had a nice time; the only strange part (to me at the time) was him wanting me to sit on his lap. At this point, he still thinks I am 18. We go to hangout again after I finish class- we eat dinner at a nice Japanese restaurant, not too fancy or expensive, and although I offer to pay for myself he purchases it for me. After walking around Hongdae for a bit, we arrive at a love motel (a motel for couples that want to rent a space for a few hours because most people still live with their parents/ roommates due to how expensive housing in Korea is). This was my second time at one of these, but I still did not recognize it (another man brought me to one after hitting on me at a convenience store. 16yo brain liked the attention and went with him on dates and eventually to the motel where he attempted to take my virginity, somewhat consensually but I did not fully understand sex at that time, but I stopped him). Once I recognized what was going on, I told him I did not want to go. He started acting like I was being selfish because ""he had paid for my dinner and he makes only a little bit of money from math tutoring"" (YOU'RE 26); I felt like I owed it to him to just go, and try to not advance anything. He had already made the reservation in ADVANCE, and while checking in he hid me from the worker. We went upstairs and laid down together. He told me to take a shower and promised I could get back into my regular clothes afterward. I showered, and he took my clothes from the table I put them on so I came out in just a towel. He brought my clothes in with him to wash while I laid down in my towel. He came out and immediately went on top of me. I was yelling at him not to, trying to push him off. He physically opened my legs while he was above me, and because I was not aroused or ready, he used some lubrication he had purchased before our meeting. He did, well, it for a bit with my protests still continuing until he told me he couldn't finish due to my actions. He made me finish him orally instead. To this day, I can be somewhere in public and still smell him. It literally knocks the consciousness out of my body. Therapy has really helped me to manage these through grounding myself. However, two years later, new triggers have been popping up: my current boyfriend grew his hair out long enough to when it resembled my rapist's, and I couldn't look at him or touch him without feeling disgusted or angry. I struggle to communicate online with others because he 1. was from a dating app and 2. messaged all my cohort members in Korea about how much of a cheating slut I was because I was refusing to see him and going out with other guys (the event really triggered newfound hypersexuality in me that caused the contraction of an STI). How do I manage these feelings? I just want to live normally and I get frustrated when my day-to-day functioning is inhibited by these experiences. :( If anyone has any advice I would be grateful to hear it.",3 "One of the most common advice for real event ocd is to stop ruminating. But how do I do that? I feel really confused, because if I quickly stop my thoughts when they come at me it's a compulsion for temporary relief. But if I just keep them going it's ruminating / it will lead to ruminating. I don't really understand the concept of 'accepting worst case scenarios' and 'let anxiety sit there' thing. Some say that I should think through the worst case scenarios until my brain gets tired of it & to a point where I feel comfortable with my anxiety. But some say that thinking about what would happen scenarios is ruminating... it's really confusing. Currently i can't afford a therapist so all I have is information on the internet. Can anyone help me understand the concept?",1 "Hey, I got a few questions because I got prescribed methylphenidate/Ritalin: How are you folks doing on them long-term? How long have you been taking them? Did you develope tolerance to them? Did you find out that - without medication - your symptoms got worse after long-term use compared to never having been treated?",0 "Sometimes I'm scrolling through a comment section and there's so much to think about, process and mentally respond to that I need to exit the app, take a break and then continue reading. I suppose, at least that's something you can do when you're online, which might be why I prefer to use social media over phone calls or meeting up. But does anyone else experience this? Getting that same overwhelming feeling, ears ringing etc just from reading through a busy thread, or a post that makes you feel a lot of confusion, ! moments or excitement?",3 "Every time I talk about my damn problems on this website people just say I should stay offline and ignore all the haters. This is annoying. It's under the Impression that I actively searched through Reddit just to hear people who disagree with me. I honestly didn't really use Reddit until last year. That was after my life turned to shit. It was more or less the little things ya know. A snarky remark from someone I met here in a youtube video there before one final thing broke the camel's back and made my life miserable. Now I can't enjoy life anymore. Whatever the case I just fell alone. Like no one understands my problems and just sees me as a joke. I just want people to hear me out. I hate to be that guy who plugs his other posts but it would mean a lot to me if you all read some of these. [https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/pdw7rw/gamers\_made\_me\_depressed/](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/pdw7rw/gamers_made_me_depressed/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/r0m0go/i\_cant\_do\_this\_anymore/](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/r0m0go/i_cant_do_this_anymore/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/q1dpym/i\_miss\_my\_friends/](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/q1dpym/i_miss_my_friends/) ​ All of that stuff has been on my mind lately and I just want as many people as possible to hear what I have to say. I don't want my pain to be forgotten or misunderstood.",2 "i get these thoughts,, for example: i’m showering and suddenly i think that i’m actually in a public place naked, or in class. it also happens when i’m in my room all alone, and i can’t relax because i think i’m actually somewhere else, i can’t even lay on my bed without thinking that i’m ACTUALLY laying down outside while people stare",1 "This is an obsession of mine. I persistently try and figure out ""did I have a good Christmas or not"" or ""did I have a good time at the family reunion or not"". Often I am excited and want to have fun and so as a result my OCD acts up and the event ends 50-50. Some of you may remember me from Yahoo Answers, I often asked about this for a time. Not looking for reassurance of any given occasion, just wondering what good ways might be to break this habit and OCD cycle. I am diagnosed OCD so have a full case of it. Am in therapy and just looking for additional advise.",1 "I'm not diagnosed with ADHD, but GAD. I personally think the former is more appropriate than the latter. my psychiatrist doesn't agree, but I told him I was following methods for ADHD management and He's not opposed. Whatever floats your boat. I guess. Anyway, I have immense difficulty starting the day. I would take 2 mg Ativan or 20 mg melatonin to fall asleep set my alarm 10 hours later, and would still go right back to bed. I even got a Pavlok to shock me out of bed. put a lock on the wristband so I wouldn't take it out and snooze. I put the key under a cold-brew coffee mug in the fridge. I would shock myself up, go to the fridge, down the coffee, unlock the Pavlock from my wrist and... wait for it... go right back to sleep... it's like my brain is saying that's enough for today. go lay still until something interesting pops up. if I have an outside engagement, I would miraculously wake up just enough in time before I can be late. if my morning plan is to do some personal work forget it. I'll open my eyes at 2 pm. whatever I add to my morning routine to make it more interesting, it's never as appealing as shutting my eyes. once, I even went back to sleep in the cold tub in the bathroom... I don't know what to do...",0 "All I want is friends and people to talk to, but the second I reach out/people reach out to me, I just get so worried that I'm boring or not fun to talk to that I completely clam up. I posted on a friend subreddit and got so overwhelmed with the messages I couldn't answer half of them. All the conversationns I have come to a screeching halt because I can never think of good responses to conversations to keep it going. I just wish I was good at being a person because I just want a friend. It's not that I'm even anxious. Just the dread that I know the person on the other end will be bored of me if they aren't already. It probably doesnt help that I'm a super boring person either. :( ​ 1am sad rant over.",2 So I have diagnosed contamination OCD and have been in therapy for a bit and feel that I am finally ready to own a dog. I have picked out a dog to adopt and am getting nervous that maybe once I have a dog brand new obsessions and compulsions will pop up and make things difficult. Is there anyone that’s been in this situation that can give some tips or advice?,1 "Not sure if i have ptsd but 4 years ago had my first panic attack when in bed from a movie. After 2 years i felt like i completely got over it but then one day, it was the best time ive had in my life. When i went to bed that night i suddenly felt all the innocent chlidish aura in me again but when i went to sleep i had a nightmare with that same movie and next day got a stomach ache. Was this caused back then because i reached the peak of joy, so to speak? Does it mean if i experience peak joy again that its gonna happen again?",3 "I constantly battle between the feeling of thinking I'm completely sure that I solved a mind riddle produced by my main obsession. Sometimes, the feeling is so intense that I get the impression I'm finally cured. But, of course, this only lasts for some hours or a day. It's never more than that. Then, I have to battle with the same idea and, usually, I get to the exact same solving process I did the last time. And I get the exact same feeling of calm and ""momentary cure"". It's like I can't escape from this loophole. And it usually stays like this because of the same mind riddle... I honestly don't know how to cope. I always seem to get drawn into the same exhausting thought patterns. And the ""what ifs"" are usually not new thoughts, but the same ones over and over. But they produce the exact same anxiety every time... How do I stop this awful routine?",1 Is there a guide or wiki for social interaction? If there isn’t then maybe we could make one.,3 "I just don't know what to do to be honest. I can't fucking focus, I feel like my heart is going to jump out of my chest, my mind just can't stop. I finally cracked, and now my university work is being negatively impacted. I feel so weak. I did the first step of getting a diagnosis about 6 months ago and just couldn't even bring myself to phone back my doctor to continue with my diagnosis. I am fucking pathetic and I hate myself. My family doesn't believe in ADHD, luckily I am over 18 now so I can do the stuff I need to, but everytime I try and even think to ask for help I am just met with this mile high wall that I can't surmount. I don't even know what to do anymore. I get very little sleep. I lost a fair bit of weight through starvation (25kg) because I thought it might just be that; I feel no different. No fucking different. I'm sitting here, trying just to write this for who knows what reason, and I can't even force myself to concentrate on this. this stupid fucking thing. How am I meant to go on for another 70+ years? How am I even meant to finish this year of Uni? Things finally started looking like they were going up, that I was finally getting somewhere through all the struggle, and now I can barely read a paragraph of text or come up with some creative output before my mind bends into a thousand little knots. What can I do?",0 "Im hiding out in my freaking toilet at home. Just locking myself in. I dont want to face my mom or anyone. I have no where else to go. I cant leave yet, itll cost me lots of money to get my own place. Im so tired and stressed out. My family triggered me so much, my head is banging it hurts.",2 "Asking because I have experienced this myself and talked to my psychiatrists nurse about it. She said many of the other patients with combined ASD and ADHD have reported the same and it is a thing that can happen when you treat your ADHD symptoms. Was wondering if anybody else has heard about this phenomenon.",0 "Okay read my first post to see what happened to me. Now, my brain is in a state where I only use 1/3 of my brain and the 2/3 i cannot think because there is a thought stuck there. Omg do I make sense? It's actually driving me insane. Fluvoxamine doesn't work, lexapro doesn't work, ect doesn't work. I am considering hacking so I can process what I messaged on that website. But my brain leaning towards the creative side so I cannot understand hacking at all. Sad life. Honestly, I think the only thing that can help me is to die and I don't want to die. Honestly, I think my brain is permanently damaged.",1 "She immediately apologized and backtracked and I laughed it off. But I don’t know how to feel about that comment, whether it was a compliment, an insult, or both. I know that she’s gone through some awful things, so the fact that my situation is somehow worse is a bit alarming. I can’t stop replaying that exchange in my head and it’s been a week.",2 "I've gone from doing compulsions all day everyday to managing flare ups. Sure I'm miserable now? But I've been able to go out and get work done. Been able to enjoy little things in life between obsessions and episodes of anxiety. Ive been able to drive to places on my own quite a bit and regained quite a lot of independence. Also understood my disorder a lot and I'm in a better position to deal with it now compared to the last 10 years what have you been able to achieve? Tell us even if it is a small victory, I'm sure we all would love to see some good news from community members",1 "When I first read about our inclination to think of the world in black and white (in stark, absolute either/or terms), I thought it didn't apply to me at all. But I see now how much it's at the root of a lot of my struggles, whether it's in interpersonal relationships, interacting with politics and the news or even how I look at myself. It's not that I don't see nuance, but it's that I don't really know what to do with it if I can't use it to categorise people and issues into this or that. Dealing with cognitive dissonance without feeling the impulse to nearly label and slot it into compartments is tough, and I'd love to hear what techniques you use in your life to do this. For example, I've often struggled with responding appropriately to someone who has been both helpful and a hindrance at various times. That all humans are flawed, all human interactions are messy and there is no clean ideal way to interact without making any mistakes was a big revelation.",3 "Every time I see that someone I know, for example, posted about a party they went, I get into a deep sadness state, I don’t know why. I should be happy that they are having fun, right? I’ve considered the obvious that it’s because I think that they’re having fun without me, and while it could be it, I’m not 100% sure. I’ve felt the sensation of that before and it’s different from what I feel when the main topic of this post happens. It’s kind of like a deep pull on my chest. A sensation of uneasiness, like everything is lost, and if it’s really bad my head starts to hurt. then obviously the intrusive thoughts start to come and I almost can’t function while it’s happening. It stays like this for at least half an hour, and it can last for days or weeks. I’m honestly at a dead end here, this has been happening for years and every time it does, it leaves me more and more sad, not just because of the feeling itself, but because I don’t know why it’s caused and how can I make it stop.",1 "Hey all, as the title says im retired from the military, i got retired mainly due to PTSD, which led to a major suicide attempt while i was in the service. I don't want to go into details of the traumas i have experienced, i just want to know if it gets better. Its been over a year and a half, and i had to call the veterans crisis line today because i broke down. Not only that, im afraid to work because of the fear that i may break down in an interview or at work if they ask about my military service. Does anybody civilian, or military have any insight as to what the recovery was like for them?",3 "A few weeks ago, I started my “new job” (got a promotion) and have been really struggling. Due to my workplace not hiring a replacement for me in advance, I’ve been having to juggle both my old job and my new job; in addition to this, my boss has been out the past week due to illness, so I’ve been having to do her job as well. As a result of being overwhelmed because of all of this, I’ve been making a lot of really stupid mistakes. I already struggle with OCD in several aspects of my life and I think I’m starting to develop some sort of “new OCD” because of my recent mistakes. I’ve been so terrified of making detrimental mistakes that I’ve been getting to work an hour early and staying two hours late to compulsively check my work. That’s three hours of unpaid time a day. I have done this almost everyday for a week and a half. I’m exhausted. I’m starting to lose sleep over worrying about this shit I have very little actual control over. I’m getting burnt out already and would really prefer not to have another huge mental breakdown and spiral back into a depressive state. How can I escape this before it turns into another demon? Do you guys have any specific tips for this situation?",1 I’ve been having a bad spot with my mental health and have found myself needing to layer my clothes (6-7 shirts and 3-4 pairs of pants) to feel even the smallest bit safe. My therapist says this is normal for people with sexual trauma but I still feel crazy. DAE do this?,3 "She has autism too, among other things (obviously). I never know what to say other than ""I'm sorry you feel like this"" and generic shit like that. This guy she used to date was sending her mean messages and I think that might've triggered something. I don't want to lose her, I'm scared because she hasn't responded in a while since our last call. How do I make her feel better? Edit: Just letting everyone know she's alright we had a good phone call, thank you. Everything is good at least for now.",3 "I got diagnosed back in December of 2018. They didn’t tell me when they diagnosed me. They waited until I was checking out to leave the hospital, and as I signed my last paper, the nurse said, “your doctor has diagnosed you with PTSD. Sign here to confirm that I’ve told you this.” Who does that? Who gives such a blow and expects you to recover well enough to drive yourself home? I didn’t let it hit me until I got home. I sat at the end of my bed and just thought. I thought about everything that led to this. I kept telling myself that I caused this because I wasn’t strong enough to not let things get to me. I’m still thinking that. I’m still thinking, actually. It still hurts to think about my diagnoses and to remember everything that led up to it. I’ve been diagnosed, but now what? Do I just spend my time thinking? Or am I supposed to do something?",3 "Hi all, I've written about the stages of recovery from PTSD through a CBT-TF framework and I thought it might be useful for some of you on this thread. https://questpsychologyservices.co.uk/2020/05/28/the-stages-of-recovering-from-ptsd/",3 "I feel like I keep hurting my partners feelings because of my forgetfulness. They know about my ADHD and are very understanding to it. My partner's left hand has been in pain for a few days, a weird numbness type of pain. We both have school and they also work. I get so occupied with school or YouTube videos, I totally forgot to ask for an update on their pain. We both speak sarcasm fluently and they go like ""I'm fine btw 😂"". I was like oh snap I totally forgot. I could sense how hurt they felt, but they were like it's okay and changed the subject. I feel like a completely shitty partner for not even remembering that there was something wrong with their health. I don't want them think I don't love them or I don't care. They completely understand this, but my heart is not forgiving myself. This has happened more than one occasion.",0 "Lately my depression has grown worse, part of it is covid, but also personal issues of my own. My Do's - Drink Tea - Shower - Listen To Meditation Music - Talk To A Friend Also important, My DON'TS - Drink Alcohol, Smoke Cannabis or take any other mind-altering substance. - Post about my problems online especially Facebook, everyone's situation is different and is dealing with their own stuff and with covid there's a lot of that going on. - Willingly indulge in the negative thoughts, figure out WHY they're negative, then resolve them accordingly. This in particular had been hard especially with controlling my thoughts emotions. As a 25/m, my mental maturity would be growing exponentially at this point.",3 "So, I express myself much better in writing than speaking, not that I’m particularly good at writing. I’ve tried to find blog sites/locations devoted to the sorts of things I’m interested in writing about, but that’s lead me to posting to multiple blog sites and still talking about stuff out of left field half the time. I can go on a soliloquy about social issues on one site and then have to go to another to obsess about Lost minutiae. The one thing that remains the same is me, and my approach to things, which I already have to be cautious about people not getting. I wish there was a blog site for neurodivergent people in general. At the very least I’d think the flow of topics might stand out less.",3 "I feel like it boosts my confidence and helps me socialize better, but I'm not sure",3 "I was raised to do my best onto others my entire life, so for a long time I busted but working, went out of my way to help family and friends and stangers alike. I feel like I have lived up to that mentality for a long time, so why is it that even though I do my best at my job, i help anyone who needs me, I listen and try to help others with there problems. So why is it that after trying do so much positive actions through my time would I get cursed with a year like this. I lost my grandmother this year, as well as my would have been second born daughter, I there after had family get into a car accident, and to end it all I get told 15 days before my 6 year wedding anniversary that my wife thinks she wants a divorce. I just honestly wish there was something out there to show me there is answer to why this has been such a tough year. Thank you for listening",2 Every little bump in the night make me wake up panicking and that feeling of paranoia peaks when I’m trying to relax to sleep. I’ve gotten to the point where I sleep during the day because I perceive it as safer but that won’t work in the long run once I find a job. Any help is appreciated.,3 "For all you psychology nerds here, I've recently discovered that some of my relationship issues (both platonic and romantic) appear to be caused by poor object constancy. Although I'm not sure how much of my poor object constancy is down to Aspergers or external factors such as poor parenting.",3 "Genuine question… does anyone feel happy? I have moments when I feel happy throughout some days but when I’m alone I just feel empty or else complete sadness. Is it possible to wake up and go through a whole day feeling content and happy never mind a whole week or longer? By happy I don’t mean smiling and laughing 24/7, I just mean ‘normal’ I guess… just not sad and alone feeling useless and like a failure etc.",2 "I get what my loved ones are repeatedly referring to as “thousand-yard-stare” moments; I have flashbacks to my time in the adult industry. Disturbing times. Times that were drenched in anxiety, sexual and substance abuse, and depression. Things I’ve seen I can’t unsee. I feel like it’s starting to overrun my life. The flashbacks are frequent. It’s hard to drag myself out of them, when I can’t it’s like I get transported to that place. I’m worried that it’ll happen when I’m driving or something. Does anybody else have flashbacks that are strong like this? How do you pull yourself out? (I’m already in therapy and seeing a psychiatrist).",3 "Now I'm not gonna pretend I live the most active-healthy lifestyle, but for about 1-2 years now I have had a lot of problems with my body, and as long as I can remember have had problems with my neck. Currently I have symptoms akin to ulnar tunnel syndrome. I also have a bad neck, shoulder, and upper back. I play on the computer as my exclusive activity throughout the day, so I don't get much activity going, but I've done some swimming, walking, and yoga to try help my body in recent history. I changed my desk, mouse, and chair in order to be more ergonomic as well. I've been taking magnesium and executive-B pills for over a year now, and just started taking tumeric as well as various other pills like vitamin D, pre/probiotics, and vitamin C. I've gone to the doctors for my arm and was given diclofenac for inflammation which I've used sparringly over the year. I wear a splint/carpal tunnel glove. The last thing I need to do is get a good bed set up, but until that happens, I was wondering how much autism is related to muscle disorders. I've seen people talk about it here before but was wondering if I could be provided with more info. Also are there things I haven't tried that would help also? I am in a pretty bad state physically and I do not wish this to inhibit my whole life.",3 "Society: Be yourself. Also society: Not like that.",3 "As the title says, I can't keep a hobby. I start something, get obsessed with it, spend money on it, and after a while it feels tedious or like a chore and then I have to force myself to do something that was fun to me. List of hobbies I've had and gotten tired of: •Sewing • baking •writing •reading •diamond painting •puzzles There's more, but it happens with people as well, I'll meet someone, like them, want to talk to them excessively for a few weeks, then it starts to feel like a chore and every little thing they do starts to bug me. Is this an adhd thing? Does this happen to anyone else?",0 "Hey guys, a little backstory about my journey with OCD: First came up when I was 14 and lasted a year long before I did ERP and after a few months I was OCD free for a 3 years. After getting a scare one night about my sexuality I forgot how to deal with my thoughts after so long and came back to rock bottom. I had this major flare up in September of 2020 but this time it felt extremely real and I was convinced everyday I wasn’t who I really am. OCD consumed my day and this time I was completely hopeless. After 2 months of giving in to compulsions I decided to just accept my thoughts and roll with it. I still felt homosexual however I just kept going and accepting. After 2 months of being 99% consistent I hit the stage where the anxiety was a 4/10 and I could reason with my brain. It is now august 2021 a year later and I am OCD free again for months now. Trust me guys acceptance is key. Over time you will beat it. Take it from someone who’s done it twice in 3-4 years.",1 "This is my first post on this subreddit, sorry if the exposition's a bit long. I've been diagnosed with PDD-NOS (ICD-10) in 2017 when I was 20. Leading up to my diagnosis I had a bout of severe depression and anxiety which lead to me isolating myself in my tiny apartment, not responding to anyone's texts except my parents', and effectively dropping out of uni (I was studying abroad at the time which further complicated my issues). I was initially a bit confused about the diagnosis as I don't exhibit some of the typical ""signs"" people usually associate with autism, and four years on, I'm still not sure about it. I think I can read people quite well, even better than some of my friends. I'm also not really dependent on a stable schedule or structure in my life, even though I definitely feel better on days with a tight schedule them on days without any obligations. Obsessive interests, missing eye contact, some behavioural quirks (walking on tip-toes, overly sophisticated language as a child, fidgeting) check off though. Four years after being diagnosed, I'm still unsure of my diagnosis, as most people around me think of me as a normal guy with a few unusual interests. My question is if I've maybe become ""too good"" at masking, even towards myself, as the psychologists diagnosing me told me that people being diagnosed this late had often developed their own techniques to fit in with neurotypicals. That would explain the pervasive feeling of non-belonging I still often have, sometimes even when I'm in the company of close friends. Can anyone else relate?",3 "hey guys i just wanted to ask help on how i can convince my parents that i might have adhd?? i don't mean to self-diagnose, but ive taken multiple online exams, as well as did my own research for over a year on whether on not i really do have adhd, and the results say i might have moderate-severe adhd. i'm an 18 yo woman with really conservative parents who constantly blame everything on my phone which is just <333 /s. they don't believe i might have adhd or any mental illnesses really, because in their eyes, im a diligent student who works hard to get good grades which is just false imo. plus, they won't even listen to me when i show them actual studies and evidence about all this because they don't want to believe me. all my life ive constantly suffered with attention problems, and having the motivation to continue projects i was really passionate about. even now, i still have problems passing projects, or even simple assignments on time, whether it was virtual or in face to face. i don't think i've even passed a single thing on time for the past two years :'). i've always been labelled as lazy and dumb multiple times growing up, which i honestly believed to be true until i discovered the possibility of me having adhd. TL;DR - how to convince my parents that their daughter might have adhd, or if not, how do i get myself diagnosed without them knowing?",0 "Hey guys, I'm looking for some answers about how good you think Effexor XR is for treating OCD. It's the first medicine I'll be taking except for Citalopram which I had taken for a short time a few years ago. I'm worried about the withdrawal side effects and the more I read about it, the more I wonder why my doctor prescribed me an SNRI which seems to have more side effects than SSRI's, without even trying an SSRI first, especially since I had also mentioned to her that Citalopram (Celexa) had been very effective for me before. How much did Effexor help you? Do you regret taking it?",1 "My highest score was a 127 in Verbal Intelligence - which is classified in the “high superior” range; I also had a perfect score for verbal recall - which my neuropsychologist said he’d never seen before in his 30+ years of administering this testing (the Weschler Full-Scale Intelligence Quotient). My lowest score was a 77 - in Non-Verbal Intelligence - which is classified in the “Borderline” category. These scores are highly representative of my massive struggles with math/science & my life-long proficiency in reading, and especially - writing. I found my scores to be very fascinating - as the highest/lowest scores had an exact 50 point discrepancy between them / which, to my knowledge as a senior psychology major - that is the highest amount of “difference” between scores that standardized IQ testing can identify - that is, a full 5 standard deviations. Anyone care to share their results? (Remember: IQ is just one (man-made) measure of intelligence - and that eventually in the future, this test will likely be replaced with a more accurate one.)",0 "There’s this girl I’m friends with who I dated in highschool, we were friends for years and had an off and on relationship that never got too serious and it was always her that ended it. The last time she ended it was pretty definitive but we decided to stay friends. However I can’t move on, I’ve met new girls since but I always stop it before it becomes serious because I can’t get over her. This girl has kind of played with my feelings over the years although not really intentionally, so I shouldn’t have such strong feelings for her but I do. I have major OCD (started Anafranil recently) and am wondering if you all think I am obsessing over her as part of my OCD or am I in love with her?",1 "[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtX6emk6U5k](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtX6emk6U5k) Somehow I am just finding this out. Well enjoy binging videos about him, as i have for the last half hour.",3 "While organizing my notes, I rediscovered this Twitter thread by @QueerlyAutistic and felt like sharing: ""Autistic people that society has decided are 'high functioning' tend to have a extremely disproportionate levels of mental illness and trauma, to the point where it's actually life limiting and life threatening. Just because we CAN fake it, doesn't mean it's not killing us. We've lost too many people. I'm tired of worrying every time an autistic person I follow goes quiet on here for a few days; I'm tired of being terrified that someone else has been lost. I'm tired of story after story of people denied appropriate care because they can 'function'. Functioning isn't living. We deserve to live. The only ‘functioning’ labels I want to see are: - surviving - thriving If someone is surviving they need more support to thrive. If someone is thriving it is because they have the support they need."" That's the thread. I've received so many compliments on my perceived functioning level. ""You're articulate. You must be high-functioning."" ""I never would have guessed that you're autistic!"" (Uh, thanks?) In reality, I can only mask for so long before I either burn out, shut down, revert to my natural bluntness and weirdness, lose the ability to speak fluidly, and/or have a goddamned meltdown if someone is being antagonistic. I become less pleasant and likeable and normal. Less of a person. ""Not one of us."" Someone with a disability who needs accommodations. Neurotypical people become awkwardly conscious of their body language. They speak to me slowly and simply, patronizing me. Or they find an excuse to stop speaking to me entirely. I'm the Other. I'm surviving. Barely. Living in poverty with PTSD is stressful enough. Being 'high-functioning' means ALSO doing mental arithmetic for the duration of the social interaction, and then wondering if I've screwed up. I can't even manage my own social image, the self or persona I project, the way I'm perceived by others. All people see is my weirdness, my 'otherness'. These are reasons why I hate functioning labels. I really appreciate @QueerlyAutistic's angle: that we deserve to THRIVE. Are you thriving, or merely surviving? What are your own experiences with things mentioned in this post?",3 "This may be a strange question but for those of you who take Ritalin, do you ever decrease your dose (or not take it at all) when you're taking the day off? Asking because for me, with my usual 20mg dose (8hr) Ritalin is great for long working hours, but taking that amount on rest days seems to exacerbate stuff like stomach being weird, energy levels being weird etc. But I dunno, what do you guys think? Edit: I've been on it for around 5 months.",0 "This doesn't work for me. I treat others exactly how I want to be treated. I don't understand nor do I care for most ""manners"" and I do not care for small talk such as ""how was your day"" so I don't fucking say or do any of those things. This doesn't work. I'm always the bad guy. And then people think I'm being disrespectful and then when I explain that I, in fact, am treating them how I want to be treated....I get told that it's rude and I'm wrong and I shouldn't be doing things like that, etc. etc. What the fuck sense does that make? You don't have to like it but I'm quite literally just doing what everybody else does? If I don't do certain things around other people it's because I don't want them to do it around me and that tactic never works either. Then when I say something...again....I'm the bad guy. I've stopped trying. Idc if I'm an asshole. I need to preserve my sanity",3 "I've been on this sub for a few months now, and I've asked if I had ADHD on this sub before too. But the more time passes, the more I question if I'm just looking for an excuse to be lazy. I talked with my parents about ADHD once before, after they found out I'd been lurking on this sub for a while. They essentially said, ""you don't have any mental disorders, stop looking at this stuff."" Of course that's absolute bullshit, because even if I don't have ADHD, there's something wrong with me for sure. I don't believe them at all, but I've been tracking my habits, and what I'm thinking and doing and stuff. ​ I know this sub is very strict on what ""lazy"" actually means. From what I've seen here, it basically comes down to making the choice to do nothing, while ADHD is unable to do anything, despite wanting to. I feel like I rly do match a lot of the ADHD symptoms, but at the same time, I find myself choosing to be lazy. Actually I'm not even sure if I'm choosing, just that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. For the past 3 weeks, I've sat down to do work on my laptop, only to just watch videos on youtube. I've only done work for like 4 or 5 days out of the past few weeks. It's absolutely crushing as I have so much homework to do, and half of it is overdue because I can't just sit down and do it. Yet every time I do, I end up on youtube and I just watch a ton of videos until suddenly it's 12 am and then I go to bed. I don't stay up later because I'm pretty sure I'll just sit there doing a whole lot of nothing and I function terribly the next day if I get less than 6 hours of sleep. I usually get 6-7 hours of sleep each night tho, which is enough for me. ​ The past few weeks have rly made me wonder if I'm just fooling myself with ADHD as an excuse to do these things. It's that I want to. I make myself not play video games on the weekdays unless I finished my work. Only exception is Friday evenings because I tell myself that I have the weekend to do my work, and I need at least one day where I can relax guilt free and not stress about anything. Other than that tho, I've never played a game on a weekday ever since I enforced this rule on myself. But I've found myself on youtube instead of gaming. I've considered getting a site blocker for youtube but I'm not sure if that would even help, since I've literally stared at a wall for an hour before instead of doing my work. And that wasn't a one time thing; it happened multiple times. Basically every time my parents took away my devices. ​ I have two friends with ADHD, both diagnosed before they were even 10, but only one of them is on meds rn. The other one is working to get on meds tho. I talked to them both quite a few times about ADHD and they both tell me that from what I've said, I have ADHD. But I feel like I'm only telling them stuff that makes it seem obvious I have ADHD. I guess it's some sort of imposter syndrome, because I feel like I'm lying to people about the whole ADHD thing, despite everyone that I've talked to about it says I have it (except my parents). ​ It's very conflicting and it's pretty much the only reason why I haven't talked to my parents about it again. How am I supposed to convince my parents that I have ADHD when I can't even convince myself? I have another post from a few months ago about my ADHD symptoms. If you're curious about what symptoms I'm talking about, go check that one out. If you have a question I'll answer that too. ​ Obviously I'm not looking for a diagnosis, but I do want to know if I'm justified in feeling the way I do, and how I can get my ass to work (aside from meds, that's probably gonna take a while). ​ TLDR: Feeling like a real piece of shit after getting next to no work done and having tons of missed assignments. Not sure if it's executive dysfunction or pure laziness.",0 "Hey hello everyone , i have ocd since i was a child ,but properly diagnosed since i was 12 years old . So you know how is this life ,constantly ovethinking about everything , being overconscious about oneself, our actions ,thougts , and of course the reactions actions and word of everyone.Trying obviously to control every situation, and having a foot always forward. I really like this girl a lot, and despite in the past iwas overthinking a lot about it , i finally clear my mind and return to go out with her.i started very well , you know , go out with her 3 times per weak,sending her messages , being cute and supportive , having interest with her and her things, all the stuff that a couple do but i feel right know kind of obsession not about her , but the relationship instead. The things that i need to do to have everything under control and dont screw up, the routine that im creating to do it , the constantly thoughts about if the things that i do and said was right for it. The constantly fear that if she changes of mind about everything between us. im quite aware about my thoughts and my actions , but im kind of afraid that in the future i start to do everything in a very rigid way , and start to be kind of suffocating and not being spontaneous. Also starts to feel very exahusting this behave. For example i like my own time too, my own things , my time to be alone , or with friends and in moments i cant enjoy it cause the constantly thought about to be aware about her appears and dont go. Anyone has exoerimented this as well ? How are you dealing with ? Thank you and i love you all , we have each other.",1 "- People saying “pleaded guilty” rather than “pled guilty” (both are technically correct, however, “pleaded” sounds awkward to me) - People no longer using an “-ly” ending on certain adverbs which have historically used them - Colloquial terms constantly being used on professional newscasts: “clap back”, etc What other changes have you noticed? This is all I can think of at the moment. I’m 37. I’m old and cranky lol.",3 "I'm 20M, 21 at the end of this month but I don't even know what I want to do anymore. I just, i dunno I'm tired, lazy, physically I'm decent, extremely thin, but its just so easy to lie down, its so hard to motivate myself to do things, I go to my jobs but only because I know they are needed for me to survive, I was meant to take my motorbike in for service ages ago never did it, now its going to cost money for its service, I hate one of my jobs and love the other. whenever something goes wrong or I forget something(which happens a lot) I'm reminded how much of a failure I think I am, I want to impress people, I want to make my dad proud but he passed away when i was 17, I want to see him again so much that i stopped taking my heart medicine/tablets for months. i feel like I tok him for granted, all the time i spent with him he would offer to gout somewhere for a drive or go to some place and I rarely said yes i just wanted to stay in and watch tv and I hate myself for it. i envy fantasy life from D&D or games like final fantasy, I play both of those and I wish I could be living in those worlds, where life is interesting and exciting, here in the real world its just a infinite cycle of get up, eat, work, eat, sleep repeat and i hate it, I've tried getting a girlfriend, having some significant other to be there and support each other with but I've had 0 luck over the past 3? 4? years Idk at this point, everyone just sees me as a friend or likes someone else who is better at stuff than me in everyway possible, some friends I've lost all contact with and have little number of friends now but i don't want to drop all this baggage on them out of the blue I'd feel bad for them having to put up with me",2 "I was 18 when I first sought out medical help following trauma from when I was 14-15. That help ended up being a couple prescriptions thrown at me without the nurse even asking me why I was feeling depressed and anxious. Now, nearly 7 years later, I went to a specialist and was formally diagnosed with PTSD and major depressive disorder with anxious features. My generalized anxiety disorder label was removed. It feels like a relief, like affirmation that what happened to me was real/a big deal and traumatizing and that I am finally being understood. Maybe now that it has been identified, I can get the help I really need and start healing, hopefully.",3 "I don’t wish to get into too many personal details, but I didn’t grow up in the best environment and have had depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. My first real thoughts of ending my life came around age 10 and now in my mid 20s things just seem to get worse with every passing year. I have tried several different medications and dosages which help reduce symptoms but never truly fix anything. One big issue is my fear of men especially when there is any hint of aggression. A couple years ago I met a wonderful man and we are now dating. But even with him - if there is any sign of aggression while driving I go into a comatose ptsd panic state and it’s not good. Tonight, I finally confessed to him just how poorly I am doing and he wants to take a break from communicating for two weeks while we both assess and I get help. I don’t blame him for this because I might as well have been lying to his face for a couple of months. My self esteem is so bad and I don’t know what to do. Does it ever get better? Will it ever stay better? I’m on a continues looping rollercoaster and it’s not fair for me to drag others on it too. I apologize for any formatting issues (on mobile) or the fact that this is so choppy. It’s very late and I am exhausted. I’m very sorry if this does not belong here, I read the rules but maybe this belongs on the suicide page instead?",2 "I could barely hit my finger with the brush, but I loved nail art and all I did was watching videos related to the topic. I started painting my nails every day, and I gave up a lot when I didn’t succeed. Eventually though, after a few months, I got very good at it, and now I’m honestly really freaking good. I could probably be a licensed nail technician if I wanted to by now, lol.",3 "But then feeling a twinge of anxiety if they meet your gaze, and you reflexively look away, making you seem like a creeper. I notice myself doing it a lot while walking on campus.. idk why I do it.",3 "What do you do when a obsessive thought becomes true? Now my mind is haunting me all the time and I can’t ignore intrusive thoughts because I’m scared :) Any suggestions ?",1 "Lately I’ve either been feeling so much or nothing at all. More of the latter than the former. But what’s really bothering me is the fact that I have absolutely no feelings towards myself. Like yeah, I might feel and think that I’m a failure in a lot of aspects, but other times, and most times, I feel like I’m nothing. As if I’m not even human anymore. Who’s brushing their teeth? Who’s pouring coffee in the mug? Who’s hands are these that are holding a pencil? Surely it can’t be me. Surely I can’t be a real, breathing human being. I think this is something that no one can really understand until they experience it. Because I don’t know how many times I’ve tried to express how nothing feels real, am I dreaming right now? To so many of my friends to only receive blank stares or confused expressions back. I don’t like this jail cell. When will the day come where I can breathe and live in a body that feels mine. I should’ve never taken the good days for granted. When will they come back to me?",2 "This is my very time posting on Reddit. I decided to finally make the leap of making my first post. I kind of wish my first post was something more pleasant, but it is what it is I guess, and I’ll just be thankful for any feedback and help that I can get. I’ll make it clear now that I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but I do have Clinical Depression and anxiety. I’m seriously starting to think though that I could have OCD, or something similar to it. Something that has really been ruling over my life, is this constant annoying behavior of feeling and doing that I always have to do certain things a certain/specific way. Part of me knows it’s all unnecessary, but it’s like whatever it is it has to be done. For example in the shower, I have to constantly make sure my shampoo bottle is facing a certain way and no excess shampoo is underneath the cap before I get out of the shower. Another example is even with my phone, where I sometimes have to do this little routine, where I must press a certain app first before another. I just want to feel more normal, and not feel so slowed down by whatever this is. HELP, please.",1 "**TRIGGER WARNING*** my mind is flooded with existential questions which give me anxiety cause i often struggle or can’t answer them, some of these questions are : -why do i exist? -how do i exist/do i exist? -whats my/our purpose ? -what is the universe? -solipsism and philosophical Stuff -how does my brain work? -how does space and time work? -what is time/space & does it exist? and tons of other stuff, does anyone else suffer from this and how do i stop this vicious cycle ?",1 "I recently graduated school and became an engineering apprentice. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Except it isn’t. I’ve failed my last two exams even though I revised so much. The whole class failed and we keep getting told to work harder but we can’t. I haven’t even told my parents about my failures. I need to pass them the second time round or else I’ll lose my apprenticeship. I rarely see my friends from school. When I do see them at fencing they are just whispering to each other and I just have to pretend I’m not there (they’re dating). I’m not jealous or anything, and I should be happy for them, but they see each other every day at college and I just wanna spend time with them without feeling left out. I also failed my driving theory test recently and my mum is saying if I don’t get my license ASAP she will stop taking me to work and make me get the bus, which means getting up an hour earlier, but I’m already exhausted. I get up at 6, leave the house at 7, work from 8:30 till 4:30 and get home at 6. TL;DR First world problems",2 "I'm a 17 year old student and I'm finally going to get myself the help I need. Until now I had a troublesome childhood my father had a severe car crash when I was 5 and had to be reanimated for several times, my parents broke up when I was 10 in a very nasty way until now and so on and so forth (I dont want to mention everything since a lot of it haunts me until now). Ever since the breakup of my parents I'm dealing with depression sometimes worse and sometimes better but currently at its peak of tragedy. I used to go to a therapist up until I was 14 but stopped going there after we moved somewhere else. Eventhough the problems became worse and worse I didn't consider going back to him since I've always thought I could deal with my problems myself and that others have it far worse than me. So why go there then anyways. But since years its consecutively getting worse and I'm currently at my all time low. I used to be really good at school and at pursuing my hobby and I swore to myself that I would never let this shit affect to very things I care about but now I even neglect these. I'm at the point where I can't feel anything anymore and just don't sense a reason for going because every day just feels worse and more tedious. But know after another failed exam I talk to my mother and confessed how I really feel. We both cried and I've now decided that i can't deal with these things myself anymore so I'll get myself help and you should to. Everyone out there reading this its never too late to try to get some help and to keep on trying. Thx for listening.",2 "What can you share about your experiences interacting with locals in foreign countries? I wonder how rwandans take to people with neurodivergent traits. I was re-diagnosed from Asperger syndrome to schizotypal personality disorder in 2010, and I feel that I still have vestiges of my old disorder. I hope to become an aid worker in Rwanda someday who plans to live off of more than one income - DAC after my dad turns 65 in 2027, and the aid workers' income. When I am off work, I may try to go to a lot of social venues. Are rwandans forgiving of foreigners who make social missteps? Now, about you: what foreign countries have you gone to and how did locals react to your social missteps? What social expectations do they have of foreigners?",3 "I hate OCD. I wash my hands nearly every moment I do something. What really didn't help is that my really old dog who has loose bowels urinated on my floor. I disinfected the floor around 10 times, and my headphones accidentally fell on the same area my dog urinated on. Do I need to worry about my headphones being unclean?",1 "My mental state has been up and down in recent times. I have depression, severe anxiety disorder and have had dissociative episodes. I only truly feel happy when I'm mountain biking or riding a roller coaster, the more extreme the better, I want to pick up skydiving in the future and I'm scared I'll push it to far trying to cope with mental state. Has anyone experienced or is experiencing something similar?",2 "I feel like all the ADHD symptoms apply to me except for the fact that I have the exact opposite of hyperactivity. I feel drained all day long. My energy is super low. Everyday! I also feel like I'm always the last to act. When a movie is done or a meeting is over I can't get myself to stand up and do the next thing... I also feel irritated super fast even by the smallest things. I'm 30 years old and not diagnosed with ADHD. I do have an appointment with a psychiatrist in 3 weeks. At night, around 8/9pm, my body seems to wake up. Then I have all the energy in the world and can face all the work I wasn't able to do all day long. I feel like I can do an all nighter every night. Maybe my sleep is just so messed up but I can't seem to get better. No matter how much or little, or anything in between, I sleep at night, I feel like a zombie throughout every day.",0 "i am meeting the adhd and autism checklist self done and done by my friends also. my parents only know the extremes of the disorders and therefore when i mention it don’t care much. i said to the school and my parents rang to ask if they have any diagnosed people in there school and they said yes but your child isn’t like them, it’s very hard because i’m not into the level where i can’t function and stand out in a crowd. i’m the type of person you need to know or watch for a long time to notice but it’s still very hard to deal with. how can i self assure myself or make my parents a realise there is a problem because i desperately need meds or at least a diagnosis",0 "A lot of times people from here show statistics of people with diagnosed ASD that basically tell that we are all fucked. But there is a major problem with such findings. The issue is that since autism is a relatively newly-mainstream diagnosis, the people who get it tend to be clustered around two characteristics - young and in need of significant aid. And like every bias, this decreases the reliability of these statistics. An example of these issues is employment statistics. Young people are less likely to be employed - not just because they lack experience, but also because going to school or university puts you in the ""not employed"" box. And the sort of young people who are more likely to have gainful employment are the ones less likely to receive a diagnosis. Similar issues apply to suicide death percentage (older people are more likely to die of medical or natural causes), marriage status (*""time in the market beats timing the market""*) or living on your own (duh!).",3 "this is really just a post because lately i’ve been feeling SO GRATEFUL and i don’t know what to do with it. Luvox saved my life. I know that i sound like one of those cheesy, running through a field and sitting on your porch drug ads but i’ve been on it for 9 months and i genuinely forget how bad life was before it. I know everyone’s different but I really never thought I would find a medication that helped, and i’m so grateful i did. Happy holidays everyone :) also i wasn’t sure what flair to put my b if it’s wrong",1 " i’m getting increasingly concerned about my partner who is currently undiagnosed (suspected ADHD-H). i’ve expressed my concerns & frustrations (i’m ADHD-C) that he’s going to the gym everyday despite knowing that he needs a rest day (or more!) & being tired & achy. it’s frustrating that i suggest it, he says “i know, i will” but then goes. he clearly has a problem but is there anything i can do? it’s really frustrating me but i’m also worried about him, thanks!",0 "I mentioned PTSD flashback episodes in passing to someone the other day, and I realised I've never really spoken to anyone else about how they happen for them. For me, physical symptoms start first - I get out of breath (and usually attribute it to being wildly unfit before I realise what's happening), and very, very shaky. The last before the very fragmented audio-visuals/panic sets in is the steady (but fast) loss of peripheral vision. By that point, I've clocked that I need to get somewhere quiet and free of stimuli. I don't completely see/hear/feel anything that isn't actually there; it's more like a fragment of what it is to see/hear/feel, if that makes sense. Like instead of fully seeing someone I'm afraid of, I'll perceive their presence just out of sight, seeing the very bare bones of the familiar shape of them in unpredictable spots in my field of vision. My ears might prick up in anticipation of a sound I'm familiar with, but that I know isn't really coming. All of this happens increasingly quickly, making the experience more overwhelming than it already was. And, of course, the adrenaline rush doesn't help. I always know where I am, kind of, but I'm so wrapped up in flashbacks that it seems irrelevant - and I'm also not very convinced I'm somewhere safe, and not in all these traumatic experiences at once. The only thing that really grounds me in the full swing of an episode is physically making a rhythmic noise - that way, I know where it's coming from, and I know what it'll sound like so long as I keep making it. It doesn't dispel the episode, but it's the most I can do to help myself at that point. What have other people with (C-)PTSD found? No pressure, just curious!",3 "Hello, apologies in advance, I don't usually make posts on reddit but I find this sub comforting. As a 25 year old who's basically unable to function, I think my mind is the worst hellscape. The self hate is relentless but am I just doing that to pity myself? There are people in worse places physically and financially (without support, I would be homeless.) and I really don't deserve any help. At the same time, can't explain why I can't get over my past, why it's nearly impossible to leave the bed, why literally doing anything feels so tiring. Why constantly having suicidal thoughts but the knowledge that I won't/can't go through with it is even more demoralising. I'm currently getting help but it's getting worse. As are my problems, and at my age, it feels like I've run out of time.",2 "I posted this rant on here about 6 months ago and it REALLY took off so I'm not the only one feeling the pain: https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/nxroxa/rant_ive_been_on_adderall_for_5_years_now_stop/ I'm in Mexico right now and Adderall is illegal here, even with a prescription, so I have to go back to the US to get one. Granted that I'm bringing up an international issue here but the issue is domestic too. For example, I can't transfer my prescription to another pharmacy so I have to call my doc and SHE has to send it. I think we need to organize and start collectively demand a bill of rights for those of us with ADHD. I think we could pursue something like the following agenda. Honestly I'm just thinking out loud here and not really proposing anything solid. - Collectively we agree there DO need to be realistic restrictions for Adderall / Ritalin and WE should take the lead here. This way we get the respect of others who have concerns about drug abuse and we're not just ignoring the issue. I think the fact that Ritalin/Adderall has become an abused and recreational drug, especially with students, is hurting us. - We argue for a federal whitelist of people who have been on Adderall / Ritalin for +2 years so that we don't have to deal with all the insanity of the restrictions of adderall/ritalin. - Make federal legislation standardization a priority so that per-state insanity can't screw us over. - Long term I think it makes sense to push for international standardization so that if you have a legitimate prescription in the US you can't get arrested for going to Vietnam/Thailand/China/India when you have an actual prescription from a US doctor and you have <= 30 days. - Ability to fill prescriptions when out of state. If you have a prescription in CO you should be able to get it filled in CA. ... anyway. Again this is just thinking out loud.",0 "I'm a 25 year old woman. Average weight, try to get moderate excersise. I go through these periods that are sudden where my muscles just DONT WORK right. My job becomes nearly impossible (It's physical), I get dizzy, my muscles feel heavy, fine motor movements become difficult (like writing or typing) myspeech stars to slur, and I start to shake. These happen seemingly at random, and very often. Typically Multiple times a day. It often feels difficult to do day-to-day activities such as grocery shopping or going out with friends, or even clean as a result of the physical pain and fatigue. I've been told it's probably depression but that just doesn't feel right to me. I've sustained multiple concussions from passing out and the doctors just won't hear me. They say drink more fluids and tried to make me take anti-depressants that made everything so so so terrible. So many random seeming things have been explained away by autism. I just wanted to know if this could be too somehow. Thanks.",3 "Hey guys i need some advice on this because i’m not sure how to deal with it. My dad has PTSD from being in the military for a few years and for years it has been constant scary episodes over tiny things such as my mom asking him to do a chore even. I’m not sure how to help anymore or if it’s even ptsd. he becomes physically violent, breaking doors hitting people and verbally abusive. Is this even PTSD? or is he just using it as an excuse? I’m asking because i don’t know enough about it and need someone to help me clarify",3 "I’ve struggled with OCD since my early teens, it’s heavily anxiety based but something I’ve been able to contain to just night rituals. In other terms the only people who see my ‘strange’ actions are partners that stay the night. I’ve just sort of bit the bullet and hope they don’t think I’m crazy when I check the door a ton of times or look under the bed with a flashlight until I’m satisfied (no logic to these actions obviously). Here’s the thing, the only time I really think my diagnosis has negatively influenced my life is in relationships. Specifically in scenarios where the relationship is under stress and the future is uncertain. That’s when I start to really do compulsive things that make me feel crazy. Checking messages on social media to see if they’ve read them (hundreds of times), check snap maps to see where they are, check their snap score to see how fast it’s going up. I start checking these things ALL THE TIME because I feel compelled to internally, not because I care enough to truly be behaving this way. Does anyone else feel OCD has affected their ability to process stressful change in a relationship? Do you feel it’s prolonged the “moving on” stage? Do rituals start to form around the relationship? I’m struggling and need someone to talk to.",1 "It feels so real it’s scary. I don’t want [forbidden word] even though that’s clearly what I want because I want an answer to this whole mess, but everytime I get an answer that says “you’re not one because of this or that” it convinces me for 5 minutes or for a little while. Then I start to question everything and doubt everything. And each day the thoughts give me more anxiety and when they don’t I get anxious because I still get groinal responses. And I start to doubt even ig I’m faking it. And it’s so hard I feel drained and irritated, I can’t anymore. It’s so horrifying because people tell me accept the uncertainty, but the uncertainty is so terrifying. I got one of the worst intrusive thoughts this week, which was “what if I get an erection of a kid touching me” because I read that an actual paedophile did that. I was certain that would never happen then I started to doubt it and I got one of the strongest groinal responses, bordered on an anxiety attack. I can’t stop checking to see if I’m getting aroused or I can’t stop testing myself by looking at pictures of kids, but each day it feels like the possibility might become real. So I test myself with the biggest anxiety I ever get because I think the answer will change. I sometimes sound like I’m trying to convince muself that I’m not, and start to wonder if I’m in denial. It’s honestly terrifying, I get scared can a person with OCD even be self aware. My thoughts get worse every moment that passes, and I genuinely can’t hear words that try to convinve me otherwise, because my brain uses them against me. I honestly can’t do this anymore.",1 "I mentioned how I struggle with motivation and my therapist asked me what my life goals are… “what am are you passionate about?” he said how do i tell him that i dont have the answer he’s looking for. He gets annoyed when I say “i don’t know” but the most acceptable answer would be nothing (aka playing video games, crocheting, or whatever hobby I have at the moment) Is a life goal necessary? can’t I just want to get through the week??",0 "Tw/Psychosis (ik some ppl with ocd fear psychosis) I’ve had psychosis nos but according to my psychiatrist it’s most likely borderline psychosis. I had it pretty bad i was hospitalised and went pretty bad and was suffering bad with all types of hallucinations and delusions. Anyways since i’ve been recovering from psychosis i’ve thought like where my delusions came from i think my hallucinations where 100% bpd (i still hear them loads to this day) but a lot of my delusions where kinda existential based like questioning my reality and my main delusions where thinking ppl where ‘imposters’ in a way kinda my thought was like i know i’m alone on this earth and questioning my reality. Is it possible that my bpd was the source of my psychosis but ocd kinda made my delusions more severe. I struggle from existential ocd and other types so i guess it makes sense. Also is there anyone here who has a disorder that caused psychosis but ocd make there delusions worse like me?",1 "TW: suicidal I don't know why I am even bothering to say this, but I'm at the point where I think about killing myself pretty much every single day, often multiple times a day. Substantial suffering has just become a standard part of my daily life. All I do is cope, it doesn't help enough, and I'm completely worn out. People keep going ON and ON and ON about how I just need to go back to therapist for the 40-something time because *this* time it will work... I'm unemployed and have been since COVID-19. I need to get a job, but there aren't any opportunities except long hour, low wage, dead-end jobs available. The idea of having to be 100% fake and shove everything I'm feeling down for 8 or 9 hours while I get talked down to by managers and customers - for not even enough money to pay rent - makes me want to put a gun in my mouth. Honestly I don't think I'm going to see 2022.",3 "I’ve tried everything and the only thing that helps is once the adderall medication kicks in. However, on my “off med” days I feel so slow and unproductive! I hate feeling slow and almost hungover with immense brain fog on my days I don’t take meds. I drink lots of water, take omega vitamins, walk my dog, get enough good sleep, and don’t drink alcohol before bed. Sometimes the brain fog lasts a few hours and I feel like my entire morning was a waste. Does anyone else experience this or have any tips?",0 "Hi All - I don't know if this is helpful for anyone, but I had a realization regarding my OCD after my last therapy session. I've realized that I worry about worrying a LOT - often times, my OCD puts me in a state of ""Don't worry/think about 'x' otherwise, you'll be miserable! The only way you'll get out of that misery is doing the compulsion!"" I then realized that I'm not actually worried NEARLY as much about the actual compulsion, I'm worried about the unpleasant anxiety that comes from it. I realized that the bad anxiety is the disease in of itself, whereas the compulsion is the ""cure."" I need to address the disease head-on. I don't know if that makes sense, but it made me realize that I don't really worry as much about my compulsions as I do with just feeling anxious in general.",1 "I'm too broken for anyone to love me on this brainwashed planet. I'm destined to suffer and die with no love. No one respects who I am nor cares to know the real me. I'm done pretending that hard work can give me a happy life. I guess I should just accept spiritual suicide and hope what is beyond the veil of death is better for me than what is here.",3 My friend was talking about her family having a group hug with a former teacher. My mind immediately went back to me standing at the back of a funeral home with a group therapist at the funeral of my friend/another therapy client. I kind of froze and don’t remember whatever else she was talking about. Is it normal to have a flashback of such a calm moment? I wasn’t harmed in that situation,3 "I was on elvanse for a few months at varying doses (went up to 70mg before going back down to 40mg), and now i’ve been trying concerta for the past month (54mg). So far I think I actually prefer concerta, which is surprising for me because when I’ve read about them, I think people usually much prefer elvanse? For example, it’s often said that elvanse is smoother and will result in little to no crash. But for me at around 5-7pm, I’d get so spaced out and withdrawn and not want to talk to anyone for hours. Now on concerta I don’t really notice when it’s worn off, I haven’t noticed any crash. On elvanse I was also very jittery a lot of the time, I could feel my heart beating quickly which was uncomfortable, I had absolutely no appetite until it wore off so couldn’t eat until about 7/8pm most days, I had dry mouth, and on the higher doses I felt like I lost any sense of spontaneity and I felt a lot more serious. With concerta, I feel normal with no side effects really, I sleep well and don’t need to nap during the day, my appetite is much improved compared to elvanse, and I’m able to be productive with uni work from around 11am-7pm with no issues really. Before, it would take me an entire day just to get through one recorded 45 minute lecture, but now for example I can do 4 lectures, seminar prep, and reading with no issues, alongside things like showering, keeping my room clean, making dinner and washing up, and being able to socialise. etc as well. I’m doing much better in uni this year, I actually feel engaged in my lectures and like i’m actually learning, I often even enjoy it, I’m so much more organised, in general i’m doing well with it. Anyway, how do you find concerta and/or elvanse/vyvanse?",0 "Thought the paper said I started at 10, I was supposed to start at 7... I talked to the manager that was on, apologized and said it was totally on me, but I still feel really bad, and I feel ashamed at myself. I wasn't really feeling well and cant believe I missed that. Still not feeling great and didnt even want to come today, but kinda glad I did so I could explain.",0 "I've been thinking about this maybe too much. I wonder if getting out of depression depends on your willpower or your motivation, both are obviously good and I guess it depends on the person, but staying motivated is very difficult for me and I'm afraid that if it depends on having a set goal then I've lost the battle. I have a very forgiving family and a great support system, I have every chance to recover but I still feel myself stalling or waiting for something to come over me. Something like an ""a-ha!"" moment but I'm not sure if it depends on that or just the strength of willpower. What do you think? I'm sure recovery is much deeper than that but this is a question I've been asking myself for a few weeks now and I wanna know what your answer is.",2 "All my ocd thoughts started as horrible intrusive thoughts and I’ve had them for 5 years. But each theme always get to a point where I believe I like them and enjoy them like being attracted to same gender, being attracted to little kids, wanting to kill people etc I don’t even know if this is ocd. I’m so so uncertain and want to know if this even exists or I’m just going crazy. I think nobody’s heard of an ocd sufferer liking thoughts...",1 "(I put this post in NSFW just in case although I won’t say anything explicit. ) I’ve come to an agreement with myself that there’s a very very high chance that I won’t have sex for a long time and probably forever. As a virgin and heterosexual guy, I do want to but there are many things working against me. I certainly am no supermodel or anything like that but on top of that knowing that I am scared to death of someone not only seeing me naked bur actually touching me while being naked is a whole different level....",3 "My aunt finally understands what I'm going through. She talked of sexual violence and I nodded she said ""what like a woman"". I nodded, I'm a gay man and not a woman. It felt great she understood finally after 4 and a half years but gender roles and shit. Uggghhhh I wanna scream",3 " TW: Child sexual abuse I'm struggling to see how I can ever really be happy again now that I know I was molested/raped as a baby and little girl? #unrepressed memory I suspected I was abused for many years, the signs were all there and there were plenty of pedophiles in my family with two that paid extra attention to me, dad and my cousin who was 13 years older than me. I thought the attention and affection they gave me was because they loved me but really were grooming me to fulfil their desires and sexual needs. They made me feel special and beautiful so I kept seeking their validation long after they discarded and devalued me. A repressed memory was shown to me at an spiritual experience. I was molested and raped when I was young enough to be in a crip frequently by my cousin, brother, doctor and probably my mom. My mom got joy out of seeing me in pain and encouraged my sexualization all the way until I was an adult and went no contact. She didn't protect me, of course not.. her sociopathic sadistic desires wouldn't be met. I also was shown my psychopathic brother (one year older) also molested me. How scary was life for my little self that was so powerfuless and had no one to protect myself. So the way I learned to receive any attention and ""love"" was to sexualize myself. I was hypersexual but also dissociating as a toddler. I think the predators especially saw me as an easy target because they thought i was slow due to dissociation and couldn't do anything. Everything is making sense.. it makes sense that I am in my late 20's and fear sex, have a history of being attracted to predators and sexually aroused by violating sex (trauma reenactment), have chronic yeast and digestive issues since a child, dissociation, feared men, protective of my little sister, experienced flashbacks and discomfort around children, why I was so hypersexual, and why I feel vaginal pain (flashbacks??) randomly. I've lived most of my life in denial and not knowing the full extent of what happened to me. I was able to get my education and fulfil some major goals but something was always broken and off. People frequently told me I was weird and crazy. Now things are making sense. I feel so broken now that I have a strong glimpse of my horrible childhood. I don't know how I can ever feel real joy and happiness now that I know what happened to me as a little baby and girl. Of course I wish it never happened but I wish I was older. I was too little, too innocent.. how could anyone do this? Any support and validation would be appreciated, thank you",3 "I was in a troubled youth treatment center for 8 months when I was 16, I was talking to my friend who was there for 14 months, we were talking about how we miss being there in a fucked up sort of way, is this normal? We both have very bad PTSD from this, so we are unsure if this is common or not?",3 "Does anyone else get stressed out or anxious from something like school, and then in response their ocd worsens? And then you start stressing out about the thing that you obsess about causing you to obsess more because you are more stressed? And no matter how much willpower you try and use to get it under control, its never enough, and the only way it gets truly better is when the ""OCD Storm"" as I am gonna call it, decides to lighten up on its own accord?",1 "\*DISCLAIMER\*I write this as a person who doesn't have ADHD\* ​ Currently living in a house with 5 of my mates, and we have a great time. Although one of my housemates is an absolute nightmare to live with. He refuses to clean up after him self and is infuriatingly selfish. I confronted him about this recently and he said ""I physically can't clean up after myself due to my ADHD"". He also refuses to confirm if he actually has ADHD and from the research I've done, shows no symptoms or characteristics of someone with ADHD. ​ I am trying to treat him As if he does have ADHD, I believe that to be the respectful thing to do, but I feel like basic house chores should be done regardless? I was wondering what people had to say regarding this. ​ Can ADHD make it difficult to clean up after ones self? Can ADHD lower energy and motivation to do tasks? Based on what I have said, is he mugging me off or should I carry on mummy-ing him around? ​ Please bare in mind, we are all 21yrs old+ and have lived on our own for 2 years now. ​ \*\*Disclaimer 2, if this message has offended you at all, I am REALLY sorry, I am not trying to offend anyone, just seeking advice. Please privately message me if you have taken any offence to this.\*\* ​ Thank you!",0 "I have been working with Dr. Ronald Harbut the ""Father of ketamine"" (U.S) for about 4 months now, He uses this method for Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome, PTSD,and Depression. I have never been so amazed by how this therapy has improved these patients lives. With Ketamine infusion therapy. Patients Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome. and the results I have personally seen with his method is incredible and amazing. This therapy is NOT covered by insurance currently, but it should be. He is a wonderful thorough Medical Doctor. If anyone would like more information about this amazing physician please let me know. Grand Junction,Colorado. This medication treatment does work!!. AGAIN ***THIS IS NOT COVERED BY INSURANCE!!!!!** just want to clarify that. Take it easy and please research his treatment and plans. I highly recommend him for Chronic pain PTSD, and Depression",3 "Right to the point, aspergirl is a manga about an asperger women who've suffered a lot and who visited the artist she admired from the internet, from this point they both start a relation of understanding and respect, in wich both of them help each other to grow and improve. This is a manga treat it's female protagonist, Saitou, in a way I can't properly describe with words, she feels really alive and everything she feels seems real, and the reactions of Yokoi (the male protagonist) are always lovely to say the least. The last 3 chapters I read had such a deep meaning and such a beutiful conclusion that everything I can say is ''read it'', is one of the best works I've seen in my life. Thanks for reading",3 "As most of you know, we can feel dumb af sometimes. Even though i m not sure(im 99.9%sure tho) if i have adhd due to some academic achievements and stuff. And i had problems reaching my medical file(doctors keeping them from me atm bc they messed up in the past while treating me). So a little summary of the past: i was severely bullied between 3rd and 8th grade. In 7th grade, mom takes me to a intelligence/ig test. They don’t give the results saying only a professional can receive even though my mom was the one who asked for not someone else(they knew). They say they wanna do therapy with me and also now i have ´concentration problem’ and getting started on concerta 36mg. I definitely had problems at school but i was doing well even without studying like crazy but i wasn’t studying it was just the classes and very depressed due to all kinds of bullying i was receiving. My mental health was so unstable. Then i passed to highschool a no more bullying which left me to adjusting normal social life. I had problems. I felt like a sheep in middle of a wolf herd when i was in school. I was doing all the wrong things to get in. I lied. I lied to not get mocked to be interesting. I desperately wanted to be liked and be friends. Along the way still theraphy every Week and med) Till 10th grade when i stopped. Along i had every kind of trait some more obvious some more less showing. Dealth with them alone by myself thinking its normal. Bc if i was not normal people would mock me. I was scared to death of being a outcast. I started uni stopped med(also forgot about them like literally ) it was hell. I failed two years and now i moved to another city studying at one of the best unis in country and i just don’t know what the hell is going on with me all along. So i contacted my old psychiatrist and psychologist for my iq test results and what they diagnosed me with back then and related stuff. Bc i know i have adhd in my heart whatever level intelligent i had doesnt matter. If they didn’t diagnosed me i was gonna take them and go to another evaluation. Just got the result of the test. All this time i thought i was dumb in some way. But now it just make sense. They say i have very high intelligence in non verbal and general intelligence but average with verbal. Which is so me bc i dont think before i speak. And i cried for like two hours. Even screamed at some point. I found it very venting and satisfying. This is frustrating. I wish good luck to anyone else thats feeling frustrating. If you read this far, thank you.",0 "I'm curious about people's experience with eye contact. I don't have the classic aversion to eye contact that I hear about, but I find myself uncertain of how to handle it anyway. I tend to overthink it and try to act normal like I would with any other social behavior. I think at times I come across as intense, and I think I've given some girls the impression that I'm interested because I hold eye contact with them. At the same time, I also do know I have a problem with staring at people I either find attractive, who have an interesting look to them, or who look like someone else I know.",3 "So I've been on Vyvanse for about 2 months now, slowly increasing with my doctor to find my right dose since I haven't had any side effects and I'm kind of a bigger dude (6'1 ~230lbs). I've had the appetite reduction which is good since I'm losing weight, I've had the insomnia which is bad since I'm a student. Recently though I've been getting nauseous, and I think it's because I've been having it early in the morning before I eat anything. Has anyone else experienced this? Did your doctors advise you to eat before consuming Vyvanse or any other adhd med? TLDR: Vyvanse makes me nauseous when I have it on empty stomach",0 "I'm having an extremely difficult time. My uncle passed away on the 12th. I just got home from his funeral. He was a father figure in my life and was one of a very few to treat me like a person. I waited until the very end when it was just me and him, out of fear of being judged, to say my final goodbye. I also don't like being watched. How have you handled someone passing? Is there a way to make coping easier?",3 "It doesn’t even feel real to say this. I’ve been walking around in a daze, not feeling like what I know to be true actually is true, like I’m in this horrible nightmare that I cannot wake from. My family is shocked with grief and devastation. His death was a tragedy. We can’t say that none of us could have saw it coming, because we did, on multiple occasions. He attempted suicide twice and was hospitalized 3 times in the past 4 years. Everything changed after he took that drug. He struggled with cystic acne, and was prescribed a drug called Accutane when he was 17, by his dermatologist. He started to develop a few side effects while on the drug (nothing too severe) and so he stopped the drug, but it was too late by then. The damage to his health was already done. The side effects never went away, they only got worse after he quit. Over the past 4 years, as a result of this horrible horrible poison, he became a completely different version of himself. He went from being a bubbly bright fun-loving person to someone who didn’t want to leave the house. He had headaches constantly and his eyes were dry and painful. He lost half of his hair. He couldn’t exercise anymore because he had severe back and joint pain. And he confided in me once that he had permanent sexual dysfunction, I know that as a man this really destroyed him and his confidence because he couldn’t have a girlfriend after that. The permanent effects from accutane started a few months after he quit taking it. His health was fine while on the drug but shortly after, he just went downhill and was never been the same. He felt exhausted, was in constant pain, felt nauseated, lost so much weight, and simply looked very ill and unwell. The drug literally murdered him. He was only 17 when he took it - still a kid! He would have been 22 soon. I’m turning 20 soon, and I know that at age 17 my judgement was different than it is now. He trusted his doctor, who told him that accutane is safe and reassured him that as long as he has blood tests (which he did!) everything would be fine, and any side effects he had would be reversible. He is dead because he trusted his doctor. Who took advantage of his naivety and lied to him. I am in shock, disbelief, denial, but also I am experiencing so so much anger. If he never went to that disgusting dishonest doctor, if his doctor just had an ounce of morality and integrity, he would still be alive today. If he never took this poison I would still have an older brother. I am so, so angry. I wish nothing but suffering and misery to the doctor who was so pushy about him taking it and telling him the drug is safe. He’s dead now because of it.",2 "So my an in-laws parents are visiting, and meeting my daughter for the first time. Technically the man is a step. Anyways apparently he always wanted a little girl and only ever had boys. Well yesterday he kept snatching my little 2 year old girl off the floor, or touching her, and wouldn’t stop while she screamed until someone stepped in. He has also used the phrase “All little girls like me” with a grin that weirds me out. I don’t know if it’s just my upbringing, with a somewhat sexual abusing dad (as in no below clothes to memory) but I’m seeing red flags. Even if he’s not a pervert/pedo I still won’t like him since he’s spoken ill of minorities.. which is a whole other reason to be upset about. Pisses me off honestly.. I’ll at least be able to tolerate him till he leaves with that, but is my gut right that I shouldn’t let him touch her? And he’s not super old for a great grandparent, he is likely gonna out live his sick older wife, meaning if any visits happen it will just be him one day. Ugh.. this may be my only opportunity to make a judgment call on his character. My husband thinks its not as big a deal and says my paranoia from PTSD is tricking me. He has known him a lot longer.. idk. I think if I was more sure and not just kinda ahh wtf? He’d say ok I believe you. But I’m mostly at the “wtf is up with this guy” phase..",3 "One thing that’s rarely discussed (in my opinion) is how much joy indulging or even talking about our special interests an autistic person gets, my friend is aware of this and will often engage me or just let me go on about a special interest if I’m feeling down or anxious. But it rarely mentioned, and I feel it should be, Autistics have fun just not always the same way non-autistics do and this is often how we do it.",3 "Hey there! it's not my first time posting here. Anyways, when I was 18, I was diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder with Anxiety and Depression. It was hard at first but getting diagnosed gave me answers as to why at the time I was just not feeling myself, I was not attending classes, or just randomly felt sad without reason. Around 2 years ago, I have somewhat ""healed"" from it, I was doing better at school, I was very outgoing, joining all the events my University could offer. Although I had breakdowns every few months, it wasn't frequent and it was rare. Fast forward again, the pandemic happened and we all know it really affected our mental health, I felt like I was back to square one. Now I am working, (I am actually at work while I am writing this), but still, I think my mental health just gets worse and worse. There are weeks where I am just angry, agitated, loathing people. And there are days where I love life, life is good. I really can't understand it, it is really jeopardizing the relationships I have right now. Last week I didn't go to work just because I was scared people might may gossip about me, I don't know if it's true but it did strain on my paycheck because we are a no work no pay policy. Truth be told, my life today isn't toxic, I have a great family, a good paying job, nice friends and a loving partner. But somehow, my mind keeps messing it up by making scenarios, or rewinding past mistakes and it really bothers me. I can't live life well because I am always concerned about my emotions or my mood. I feel really grateful when I am sane or in a good mood, but it is usually short lived. I am also trying to regain my social life back because that was my way of coping but things today are just hard compared to the Pre-Pandemic. It's just hard to determine the truth and the fiction from your thoughts, even though I am indeed aware that most of them are just made up, but still it really really bothers me. I went back to different Psychiatrists but none have diagnosed me again yet. I know that I was diagnosed years ago, but I think there's a possibility that the diagnosis might change. I still have to run through some tests like EEG because my current Psych would like to know if already affected my brain physically. So yeah. That's All. Hope you guys have great day ahead!",2 Mine literally make jokes about how they will take me to see veterans to see what real ptsd looks like and when I am feeling down they act like I'm crazy and belong in a mental hospital. It's really weird.,3 Anyone have no appetite even though they are hungry because they are just so depressed? I just have to force myself to eat lately. Anyone have any tips to help with this? I am really down and no energy to really cook much either but one must eat to live just feels so “meh “ Thanks..,2 "Hi guys! I’m trying to get on meds. I’ve been in the process of trying to get testing for about a year. Right before my appointment with the psych for testing, I was diagnosed with depression so I started taking meds for that back in March. Tests were cancelled because of the meds I was taking. They thought my adhd could just be depression, but I know it’s not. I am wondering if anyone has similar experiences? Thanks :)",0 "I’ve always seen people talk about how people with adhd forget to text back or lose friendships bc they can’t maintain the friendship and stuff. I’m definitely someone who forgets to text back on occasion, but it’s worse when it’s someone I’m not close with. I’m trying to talk to more people on dating apps and they have my number now but I’m having such a hard time talking to them. At first I was really trying to put in effort but it’s nothing but small talk and that makes me not want to talk to them. Even close friends sometimes if it’s small talk I just don’t reply. And it’s never intentional but I’ve noticed that’s why I end up not replying. It kind of sucks bc I know as a kid I’ve never liked small talk and when someone said something to me instead of trying to keep the convo going I would only reply to what they were saying and wouldn’t leave room for more convo. At some point I realized that made a lot of people not talk to me so I started handling it differently , but I get bored and feels like I’m forcing myself to do something I don’t wanna do.",0 "I kind of knew deep down that they would never go away but it’s been a while since I’ve had such a strong one. I’ve been awake for 5 hours now and I can still see the whole thing in perfect colour when I close my eyes. The images flash across my mind while I work, when people walk by that look similar to him I tense up. I’m super on edge today and jumpy. I’m not sure why I had such an intense one, such a violent one. But I think I have an idea. I started a new job that is downtown and that’s where I lived with him. So the streets and stores are all familiar, the market Im in I can remember eating poutines a few shops over. Buying pastries from the very place I work now. Any suggestions on how to control them? Maybe some coping techniques to keep the images from flashing by again and again. I’ve tried deep breathing and thinking of my Fiancé when I start to tense.",3 "Its current 1am as I type this and I'm finding it really hard to sleep. I'm currently watching Empire strikes back while I'm under 4 blankets because I can't afford a weighted one. Before anyone asks, yes I am still sleeping on the sofa (reference to my last post). Back to the question, what do you do if you can't sleep or to help you sleep?",3 I am just feeling really bad today. I don’t know what to do anymore. Everything is just so terrible.,3 "I’ve always been a loner since moving in the middle of middle school. I had a decent friend group in middle school, once I moved I became very quiet and didn’t attempt to make friends. Always thought of myself as “lesser” then everyone. Like I’m too different to be THEIR friend. Went all through high school with no friends. Had about 30 absences every year. If my cousin wasn’t in 4 of my classes I would have been completely alone in high school. Now I’m 24.9 with just “work friends”. I had one friend who I became close with but then he joined the Navy and moved across country. I’m at the point where I don’t want friends really but opening my phone and just texting random people on discord or family is getting old. I have no one to really talk to. 🤷🏻‍♂️",2 "Diagnosed with OCD this week. Don’t believe it. Everyone says it’s denial but I can’t seem to think about it without feeling guilty. Like everybody I’ve read about and know with OCD says it’s hell. But I can’t seem to look at my life and say it’s been hell. Can’t seem to connect with my emotions either. As weird as it sounds it feels like ‘I’ don’t have emotions or opinions. But my body still has feelings. It’s like I’m a stranger to my own body and head space. I’ve experienced the depressive fog/buzz before and this isn’t this. It’s kind of like I’m a zombie. A different person. A part of me wishes to wake up because I liked my old self but I guess I’m okay here too. Been trying to figure it out but it feels like I’m locked out from my full understanding and capacity. I could be lying too, idk. Worried it might be a personality disorder (like ocpd). But it’s more than likely not. I’ve always had a tendency for perfectionism and a cognitive pattern of forcing myself to think of everything when it comes to an idea. For example, I have a thought like “Pop music is overrated”. But then I go on to think about the opposing side, till I don’t have an opinion anymore. I also regulate my emotions. Like if I felt self critical, I would take that thought or feeling and try to ‘process it’ in the most efficient way. However, I was probably just suppressing it. I have no opinion on my state of being. The closet thing I can find to ‘my’ emotions is resorting to anger towards myself. Anyways, I’m probably just depressed again. :/ If you made it to the bottom thanks for listening to me rant!",1 Just asking because Im really worried about it. I'm insecure about it.,3 "I know these are hard times, and since states (and countries) are shutting down again, I know staying alone or with close family 24/7 may be hard for most of us here. So, how are you doing?",3 "I’m currently going through a really bad stage right now and I don’t know how much longer I can take it , I start my first job in two days I’m a 19 old boy and in need of some serious felt for the past 3 weeks I’ve left my house 3 times usually I’m an athletic person who likes to get out of the house but I can’t even bring my self to do that this is my first and last call for help if anyone can give me some advise it would be more then appreciated two days ago I didn’t sleep the whole night and was awake for 30 hours becus I couldn’t get to sleep at all my parents constantly are bugging me to get out of the house but they don’t understand depression and things like that they just say ‘it’ll be alright’ not that they don’t care but they don’t understand currently I’ve been awake for 28 hours and can’t get to sleeep at all I feel completely numb it’s 10 am in the morning and I just don’t know what to do anymore I feel utterly hopeless I’m struggling to explain how I feel at the moment I’m that lost and tired in my mind can someone please give me some tips on what I should do about my sleep and how to get out of this state anything would be appreciated",2 "Painting my nails with my attention span, need to fidget, and impatience is the worst. I try to be careful but as soon as I remember that it takes a long time for nails to dry fully it turns into a disaster. I hate not being able to do things with my hands, I fidget all the time and I don't have the general patience. I'll wait for what feels like forever and they're not even slightly dry yet. I'll constantly touch them to see if they're dry, which messes them up if they aren't at least a little set. Then I'll just get impatient and think ""they're probably done, time for the next coat so I can get this over with"" then I'm just making it thicker which makes it take longer to dry if the layer below is still wet, or the brush can move the polish causing bumps and wrinkles. Or I'll leave and do stuff before it's done, and even if I'm careful it'll smudge and smear everywhere because I'm so scatterbrained and by then I've gone way too far to start over, and even if I could I wouldn't want to do it all over again. Then after that I just have a bunch of physical reminders on my fingers of how inept I can really be, even after what can sometimes be up to 3 hours of working and waiting. Sometimes I'll just give up, go to bed, and have to finish up the next day! It sucks that with ADHD even simple tasks can seem monstrous if they take too long or involve a lot of waiting. At least for me. I'm trying to paint my nails more regularly because I really want to get better at it, and I love having painted nails. The outcome is definitely worth the process most of the time, but that doesn't mean the process is any easier. Does anyone have any advice on being able to sit and wait for long periods of time? Like 15-20 minutes at a time? Or even how to dry nails faster? Anything?",0 I lay awake at night thinking of the past and how this was the worst year of my life. I wish i could just put all this behind me but i don’t know how. I worry About the future as well.,2 "Hi all I (40F) was diagnosed with extremely severe combined ADHD earlier this year. Tried various meds, currently on elvanse which is the best so far. I've been getting this occasional ""freak out"" feeling and I'm not sure if it's the meds or something else. It's sort of like a low grade panic, if that makes sense. Like - I feel like SOMETHING is wrong. I don't feel sad or upset but I almost feel like I want to cry. I don't feel angry but I am kinda irritable. My chest feels slightly fluttery. It almost feels like an adrenaline crash, like coming down after some big dramatic incident, but there was no incident. I do feel alert but concentrating on things is difficult, almost like my brain is working on the surface, but deeper thinking is disconnected in some way. For reference, I took my meds on Friday but not Saturday or today. Anyone felt anything like this? Is it a side effect? Or possibly an effect of not having meds for two days? Any idea how to get myself to chill out?",0 "Does anyone else notice that their intrusive thoughts and/or compulsions are worse when they are really exhausted or didn’t get a good night’s sleep, or is it just me?",1 "I went to our guidance counselor's office to ask for help on what to do since my grades are failing and also I can't function since I'm stuck here with a rapist (my brother). They called my mom and told everything about it. It's been months and nothing happened. I'm still here. It took me 12 years to say it but after all that suffering, I still have to go through a lot more, alone. It feels like I have no one to trust. I only have myself.",3 "So I go throughout everyday life, constantly being distracted and annoyed by little things. Things like sudden, loud noises or people typing your instead of you're. Other examples would be hearing one specific odd word in a sentence and missing out on the rest of the sentence because I've now created an entirely new thought process based on that word and my brain hasn't got enough CPU to run them both at the same time or having to drink from a different part of the glass rim every time I want a sip. I know others have similar things but my question is how similar and what other fixations do yall have?",0 Hey! I've been taking trintellix for my OCD a while now. I used 10mg about 3 weeks and now I'm upping the dosage to 20mg. Does anyone have experience using trintellix to OCD? Doctor said that it is used for it but I can't find any articles about that.,1 "I find it pathetic that the only thing keeping me here is that I don't want to make my family sad. I don't want them to mourn for me. If I could die without anyone caring or noticing, I'd do it in a heartbeat. This makes me feel pathetic because even when I'm breaking down and my heart feels like it is being torn to bits, the only thing in my mind is what other people might feel. I can't even just focus on my own feelings for one fucking minute. I'm constantly thinking about the thoughts of others. Wondering if the random person I made eye contact with at the shop was silently judging me.. I am coming onto here as a last resort. I'm hoping that by typing my feelings out I can find peace with them. I had a journal I kept, but my boyfriend sat reading it and laughing at what was written. He doesn't understand what I'm feeling. He thinks it's an excuse to stay in bed all day or to eat junk. Anyways. Here's my first post, it was a bit of a feelings dump with random shit. I guess the main focus is that even when I want to fucking die the only thing I'm worried about are the thoughts of others. Does anyone else feel this? I feel so alone.",2 "Tw: sel°°arm, su°°i°al thoughts Right now I am lying in bed, having panic and feeling depressed at the same time. I just hate myself so much right now because I just can't do anything right. I always try so hard and try to do the right thing yet nothing seems to be actually right. There is so much to do and I just don't know how anything works. I have no clue if I am still dissociating or not, I just know that all the last years are not real. I feel present right now but let an hour pass and it feels like it didn't really happen. I am an adult yet I feel like I have no clue how to actually do anything. I never know what groceries to buy, often i dont have any energy to cook or there are just so many steps involved that i feel paralyzed. I can't take good care of myself either, I try really hard, really. But damn, living is a lot. It's exhausting. It's so much you have to think of. For weeks I struggle with the urge of hurting myself, my chronic suicidal thoughts wont let me alone either. At the same time all I want is to live and dont selfharm. Like.. i dont wanna die. Living just feels like its not made for me, you know what I mean? I wont just unalive myself, so dw about that, but damn... Being alive sucks. ""But what about-"" yes I know. I am probably one of the few people that actually appreciate what life gives you. Colours? Sounds? Nature? Damn, so good. Just alone the human body is mindblown - let alone the brain. The brain is just so insane, its cool af. I can look at a colour and feel thankful that im allowed to see that. I love life. But the world we live in - I live in - is just not made for me (well thats how it feels like with all these stones in my way). I dont even know why the urge to hurt myself came back, its just there. I can just imagine that the pain i feel inside, the fight i am fighting inside daily, just wants ""to get out"". Idk. I know I am not easy, I know I am way too much and I know I share too much about the life I am living bc everytime its too much for people to just hear about what i have been/am going through- and never do they actually know all of it. Maybe just 20%, some more, some less. But its already too much. Well, how am I supposed to LIVE with it when others cant even hear a bit of it? I am not hating on them. Its just so frustrating that Life gives me shit that others cant even listen to. Trauma is just shit. I hate it. Yet the help I need isn't there. I am poor, I have no family except my grandma i have to take care of/help. My family is toxic af, my ex left me a while ago saying i am wonderful like ????? Make it make sense. I actually had thought someone might finally stay, he was the first person to get along with my shit. But there he is gone again. And now I am totally confused, have no clue what to do nor what is wrong or right. Its all shit and I am just so lost and overwhelmed. Its 1am rn and i am crying, listening to music and just trying to get through another painful night. A night where i just want to hurt myself and while i am looking forward for some small things its just all too much. I know it takes time. I know i just have to ""get through this"". But the get through this"" could maybe finally end after 22 years. But maybe i am just asking for too much.",3 "Recently my therapist casually referred to the abuse from childhood that i have been working through as grooming, but i don’t understand because it wasn’t sexual. I am female and the teacher who abused me is also a woman. The case was known at the time locally and she lost her job for a period of time but was invited back but i always thought it was just plain emotional abuse, my therapist referred to it as grooming because the teacher, before becoming aggressive and at times handson, treated me as though special, she confided in me, and showed me off to older students and staff, she made me trust her so much, i almost worshipped her. I was 12-14 at the time. I am trying to process it now as among other traumas it effects my self view and attachment",3 "There is no stop to the hatred I feel when I think about my teenage life. I hated everyone around me and had to fend for myself the whole time. I hated the adults, and I hated my peers. The things everyone else had was absent in my own life. They were all bastards. The hatred makes me want to take it out on others and enjoy other people's pain. People mean nothing to me. I have been corrupted to much to save myself. Every time I move forward towards a path of a new mind it comes back, reminding me, offering safety. I can't undo it.",3 "Am I disacociating? Uh oh Mom, is that really you or are you an alien? Are we on a different planet? This one doesnt seem right Is that me in the mirror? Cant be...i dont look like that. Thats not me. Where did I go? Are these my hands? They look so different. Is this my voice? I sound like a stranger. Did I pee my pants? When did that happen. Why does nothing look right? Why do people sound like their voices arent really their true voices? I looked at the clock and it said 1pm. I looked away and then back again and its now 5pm. What was I doing for 4 hours? It felt like only 5 min. Passed. Why can I not remember? I feel like im floating in space and the only thing keeping me to earth is a rope tied around me. Why is it so oddly comforting up here? I keep clapping my hands because i cant feel them. Ill float back to earth sometime soon...right?",3 "As the title reads, I have gained another mental illness to add onto the list. Anxiety, depression, PTSD. My next appointment is tomorrow. She said it was from being abused all my life (I'm 16). My dad is constantly abusing drugs and talking to the walls. He says the doctor that took his gallbladder out actually filled him with devices that are killing him slowly, and apparently the only way to stop it is to...steal my grandma's medication at knife point and beat her up. He left for California about a month ago. My mom is an addict, too, but she left the picture when I was a baby and I haven't seen her since. My grandma adopted me when I was 1. I found her corpse last monday. Heart attack. We thought it was just the regular pain she always felt, so we didn't do anything. She died on the couch when she was taking a nap. We spread her ashes last friday. My dad came for it and said she's actually alive, and he's being lied to. He stood on my great grandfather's grave and called her a bitch and said he was happy she's ""dead"". I'm with my aunt now. She's 70. She's going to die soon, too, I think. I'm afraid. I can't go to a foster home and have any chance at getting adopted at this age. Nobody wants a teenager. I want to go back, but I don't know when to. There has never really been a happy period in my life. I had my first suicide plan at age 9. I guess I'll go on and see if I can get happy someday. All this bad must lead up to something good. Anything otherwise would be bad storytelling.",3 "I think my therapist is great, but there is one piece of the puzzle missing: my own will to improve. I'm miserable but comfortable. I don't have job, I quit school, no degrees or diploma, no friends, nobody to talk to, I spend 80% of my days sleeping or playing videogames for a couple hours if I can muster up the life force to get out of bed. But even though my life is at rock bottom...I don't care to try and go forward. At the end of the day I live a comfortable life, I have a roof over my head, three meals a day, a warm bed and a bunch of pills to reduce my mental anguish just enough so I don't go walk on train tracks in a psychotic state. My life sucks, but I'd rather be miserable at home than to be miserable at a 9-5 making 300$ a month. This probably makes me a spoiled coward (which I am) but it's the truth.",2 "I have a lot of pure obsessions, and worries about having hurt someone's feelings or not having expressed myself right. The pure o often manifests as having to get my mind in order, or to weed out the bad/maladaptive thoughts. Anyway. I'd love to hear any tricks you've learned about noticing when you are obsessing over something? Edit: More generally I'd love to hear about noticing the different mental state or mindset when we are obsessing. Are there any obvious markers to look out for? One I've definitely noticed is the ""okay but what if..."" train of thought.",1 "IT literally feels like u are tipsy the whole week, forget ting stuff, u do the fun things in life, ignoring the important stuff.. U say shit that u regret staying the next day.. U do impulsive decicions that only drunk People would make.. This is only a small persentage of whats going on and ppl has to Wonder wtf is up with that guy.. I know there are strategies and tecniques to ""help"" but alot of it feels very unnatural, are we living in a world where ppl expect us to be in a way which we literally are not made to be? I keep Reading on reddit and it feels like most of us are miserable, with a few exeptions.",0 "I'm sorry if this is against the subs rules but I really needed to put this out to somewhere with people who have the same mental issue as mine. I'll start from the beginning and try my best to not miss any details. I have been with someone in a LDR for almost over a year, they are an amazing person and they meant everything to me as they were the first person I have ever been with that didnt take advantage of me being bad at processing emotions or any of my other problems. We always dreamt of meeting up but for that I had to manage to immigrate and that's a very hard thing to do when you're in a trashy 3rd world country. Fastforward to a couple of months back when last year of my university started I spoke with my professor on what to do and she filled my head with plenty of diffrent stuff like going to a diffrent country for a phd then make it to where my SO lives after that if I can make it since it would be easier on me and this sort of... put a lot of anxiety in my mind, it felt like I was betraying my SO by not making it there when I promised I would make it there and be with them. And because of that I subconciously started to talk to them less and try not to say too much, cuz I felt very guilty for something that wasnt even in my control and tried to keep myself from feeling too bad by playing other games with some of my friends. This obviously made them think that I wasnt interested in them anymore and after a while they asked to break up with me and just be friends, which made my ADD brain overwhelm with emotions and I just completely crashed for a week or two, unable to process my emotions or thoughts and feeling depressed all while they felt guilty for it and completely left everywhere we had in common but stayed in my friends list. After I managed to pull myself together I immediately went to them again, unable to let go of them as they still meant so much to me, despite my brain just actively trying to punish me and after a bit of a talk, we got back together... for a day. Next day I woke up to messages from them saying that their parents dont think we should be together and that we should stay as friends until I do make it to where they live, if I ever do make it there, and that it wasnt fair for them to wait for me. I was overwhelmed by emotions and friends around me saying that they treated me badly, I am very gullible to what people say, and I snapped back at that precious person that I cared so much for... and crashed back down for a couple of weeks, unable to do anything again. But when I managed to get my things together again, they were gone, completely, I desperately tried to contact them in any way possible to apologise to them and make amends, and to accept their offer I rejected like the idiot I am, but they were too hurt and didnt even wanna see me anymore. Hearing that, I tried to take my life but my parents were awake at the time and intervened and put me under strict watch, and now.. I dont know what to do, I feel guilty and lost, my mind is just repeating the same things over and over again, that I fucked up, that I didnt fix things when I had the chance, that I wasnt there for them when it mattered the most... I dont know where Im getting with this.. Guess Im just looking for opinions of similiar people, and ways to cope with things.",0 "There will be people that I don't know. I am freaking out and low-key hoping it will be cancelled even though I already bought the present. I know it won't be cancelled though. And I will go no matter how scared I am. But I need coping tips and methods. I can't and don't want to be like this every time I need to be social. Any advice?",3 "I have irrational responses to upsetting situations. Usually when I should be at 2, I’m at a 200. Usually when I’m upset I can’t get my thoughts together to explain my feelings and I’ll either hurt myself (usually punch myself in the face/head) or cry. There have been some instances where I’ve actually used a weapon against myself but all of the SH behavior is impulsive. I’m upset, it’s too much, I hurt myself. I’m wondering if this is consistent with ADHD or if I’m just out of my mind. I have other instances where I feel the need to hit myself because I just feel like I have to. I equate the feeling inside of me to when little kids have the “wiggles” and you have to shake the get the “wiggles” out? Yeah I always have the “wiggles” I would put a tl;dr but then I have to summarize and I suck at that.",0 "I've felt like this for so long that when I feel a different emotion even in the slightest, it's like traveling to a different planet, it's surreal. I don't know how to react to these ""new"" emotions.",2 "It's just hard to express myself, even though I know that by explaining something, I could maybe get help. But I can't. Especially when I'm frustrated, I couldn't help but lash out or even break something, than explaining someone about what my problem is. My parents don't understand me sometimes too, please help!",3 "Trapped because if I end my life, I am scared I will rot for eternity in hell because of my religious upbringing. But being here is also suffering. No peace.",2 "Hi everyone, I’m a 26 year old male I currently live in Ohio. I want to try and just get to the point with things on here lol sorry I’m new to this. As a child I had a lot of trauma as a kid as far as being sexually abused by a family member, I use to be beat by my step dad, my mother was and still is an addict. I just wanna get those things out of the way because maybe they do play a part in the way I feel right now? I feel as if I don’t have a reason to feel depressed and I’m not suicidal either but that itself seems torturous to me. (The idea of being depressed but not suicidal) I have a girlfriend of 3 plus years I been with, a steady job with good pay and we live on our own. But man everyday is more dreading then the next. I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself. I wish I could pin point and tell you what it is making me feel like this. I feel misunderstood, alone, you name it. As far as medicine I don’t have insurance currently and I’m scared to be put on medicine. Therapy? Is it worth the money? Wouldn’t I be getting the same thing I’m getting here? Reassurance. I know this is kinda everywhere I’m just gonna stop for now. Even this alone was a big step for me..Thank you. much love",2 Hi guys. I've had a weird resurgence of having night terrors every night and I cant get any relief. I take Cymbalta and two Tylenol PMs every night and have a referral to get a sleep study done. I woke up three times last night. Is there anything anyone here has done to get some relief? Its just hard to do something because I can't control them. I'm at my wits end with everything right now. Its embarrassing to ask anyone about it but I dread going to sleep every night.,3 "I don't 'grow up'. I am 29 years old, I am fully dependant on my parents, I had a few jobs I failed at because it felt like dying everytime I had to put on an effort in it. I am unable to study, I lack de mental fortitute to it. Everytime I attempted studying, it felt like nothing was happening. Learning new things is something I've completely blocked, even though it's proved I don't have any cognitive disorder of any kind, I've been tested expensively. I have an average IQ, so I know I'm not specially dumb or nothing. I have no dreams, only fantasies. I lie a lot to maintain an appearance of a sort of a person with pride, goals, knowledge (that's my go-to bullshit, knowledge. I memorize somebody else's opinion about some trendy subject and vomit it at parties in order to bring some kind of value to myself or whatever attention my ego is arbitrarily demanding at the moment. Not having a career or any type of investiture in anything consequential brings me to do this kind of thing). I have no real fundamental values, except the ones tangent to myself and my ego. I behave as if not to damn myself from the opinion of others that can be of some use to me. Like, I try to humour my dad. Little because of a real connection that there's with him, and more because he sustains me. Same with friends, or girlfriends. I just say shit to keep the relationship going. Otherwise, I feel lonely and horny. I lack empathy, respect, tenure. It's like I'm just a big mouth and a penis and an asshole. No soul behind it, no real investment in anything. Sometimes, I feel like American Psychopath's character Patrick Bateman, or the guy from Notes From the Underground, the asshole protagonist. I've been like that for about 13 years. Now, I'm a consolidated man-child. And I don't even feel shame for it, although if you told 16 years me about it, he would rage against it. The rage is gone. Well, the good part of it, at least, the fire of life, that meaningful edgeness. I don't feel shame, but I have to keep appearances up in order to try meeting girls, or to keep a dignified face at dinner with people. I mean, being a man-child is not something someone would wear it in his face. I'm constantly aware of it, self conscious to the gills. Even paranoid. I've had a normal childhood. My brother is an overachiever, my mother was a ball buster (nice, loving woman, but everyone has defects), I moved from city to city growing up because of my father's work, so there are plenty of readily psychologycal reasons for small trauma. I've worked them out many times in therapy, many times. It was like nothing. Words in the wind. It's kinda of astonishing for some people around me to find out the extent of the amount of nothingness I relate to and work on. My last girlfriend, for instance, is a hard worker, ambitious, young woman. She sees me like this and just goes ""How can you still live like a teenager?"" Well, it's just that I don't know how to do anything else. And it's a shame, really, because I'm a curious person, I read a lot about people (not that it brings me closer to humanity in any way shape or form), and it's fascinating how invested some of them are in learning, relating, being in a story of their and someone else's life. I don't relay. I'm not sure why I'm writing this here. I guess it's a realization I've had for a long while. It's odd. I felt odd for a long time. Knowing that you're parasitical and empty it's quite something. I'm sorry, dad. Well, thanks for reading.",2 "(16 year old boy in high school for context) While I was dating my (now ex) gf, I made a point to let her be friends with all of my friends. We would all hang out as a group and go do fun shit together. It was great, but then she left me so she could “figure some stuff out” and none of my friends have hung out like we used since she left. From a little bit of snooping I found out my ex and friends hang out all the time. I was replaced. This was a month after “moving out” of my abusive mother’s house. I have no family or friends, and I just feel so alone. Any help or advice on what I should do now?",2 "I can’t get anywhere in life even when I’m doing better. They said they don’t think I can handle the time commitment because this is my first semester taking a full load of classes since 2018. How embarrassing. I’m taking 12 credits, volunteering once a week, helping with social media for a program, and doing 1-2 hours of meetings for a program right now. But they don’t think I can handle an internship because of my pathetic gap. It’s seriously so depressing I’m having a freaking mental breakdown. I’ll never get hired anywhere now. Sorry for taking time off to work on my mental health. Guess that’s seen as a bad thing in the professional world.",2 "Hi! Sooo a little background on myself and also I’m on mobile so if the formatting is weird I’m sorry! Anyway, I’m a 20 year old female and I have a son. When I was younger (like 9-15) I use to have very strong sexual feelings which I assume comes from puberty and what not. I got raped twice when I was 15 and felt super broken about It for a week or two afterwards because I didn’t know whether it actually happened or whether I wanted it. It was the first time I ever met these guys and I just got crazy wasted and it was my first time drinking like that and the two guys who did that were like telling me I wanted it so I didn’t know what to believe because I was a kid. Obviously that’s still rape because I was heavily intoxicated and I felt disgusting and tossed around afterwards (I think I also vaguely remember saying no at some point but I don’t really remember it’s too hazy). I’ve fallen in love once when I was 16 and was super crazy attracted to this guy and he kind of saved me from that period of my life. I’ve had some periods where these two rapes really bothered me, but for the most part I’ve never really been distraught or anything. Frustrated perhaps and embarrassed that it happened, but not like truly upset. Maybe there’s a blockage for me? I just don’t think about it very often now and when I do it’s a passing thought that I quickly get rid of. When I was 17, I got into an abusive relationship which produced my son. The guy, who was an alcoholic at a time and 7 years older, always talked to me like I was this huge slut even though he was cheating on me and he became physically abusive once before I found out that I was pregnant. Ever since then, I’ve really had a terrible time at emotionally attaching myself to people. I’ve had crushes, but the minute it started becoming more real with that person and became more physical I was instantly grossed out and would ghost them like a dick because the confrontation made me uncomfortable. I fantasize about love and sex a lot because I want it, but I just can’t get myself to feel that way about anyone and I’ve met some really great guys in these last couple of years who would never ever hurt me like the people in the past. I want love and passion, but I don’t understand why I just don’t feel that way anymore for people because it use to be so easy as a kid. I do have moments where I want to kiss somebody but once that physical touching starts I back out and instantly the way I see them changes. And I know there’s no reason for it and I try to tell myself it’s no biggie and to just ignore the queasiness I’m getting, but I just can’t and it becomes this huge stress in my life and I get a lot of anxiety over it. I understand that most of you guys aren’t therapists or doctors or anything, I just want a strangers perspective because it’s hard getting a more objective outlook on this from the people who know me personally and have their own ideas and views of me. I can’t figure out whether these are signs of ptsd or not. Another reason why I’m posting this is because I’ve set up therapist appointments like three times and when the day comes I never go because I tel myself that it’s not really that big of a deal. I was hoping that if this sounds like it could be an emotional problem for me that I should get help for, seeing people acknowledge that might convince me to really go for it. I don’t know where I’m at lol I think I just want to be heard at the very least. Thank you.",3 "Haya yall Just wondering (especially if you live in the uk) how you find good specific issue therapists. I've been looking for a while but all my searching doesn't equal any positive results. I just need help now and I want someone to talk to. Legit anyone, even a friend who will listen. My problems aren't that bad compared to others here and I feel bad for that but days are just soo hard. I really don't know the point. Sorry for taking up your time and I hope whoever is reading this random post is doing well. I know it's hard to keep going, but be proud of yourself every day you wake up as that's an amazing achievement. Trust me",2 I try so hard to be a good son to my single mother. I clean I do what I’m told and I don’t disobey. But I’m not allowed to hang out. I’m 19yo and I get told I am grown enough to do what I please but the second I mention hanging out with people she takes it as I’m trying to disrespect her and go against her wishes. Like she fails to realize after all the times I have told her I wanted to k*** myself was because of how home life was. Her and my dad divorcing and my grandma passing. On top of me leaving the navy because I wanted to end it all because of home issues. I tried therapy. Several times and it’s not for me. My outlet is friends and hanging out. But I’m not allowed to do so. I cant hang out because I “ hang out too much “ I just want another escape from my home life but I’m not allowed to because I “ don’t do chores or help around the house” like when am I going to get a break from it all. I just don’t get it at all.,2 "I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid and at a later date with a form of schizophrenia with features of bipolar (high functioning hopefully). I had some signs of Asperger's syndrome but they were overlooked. On my original diagnosis they just wrote some vague statement saying ""delayed development"". Some time later, I was first told that I have OCD, but I had just discovered Asperger's and asked them. They adamantly said no. Then, with a new doctor, he said the complete opposite, that I had obvious Asperger's syndrome. Several doctors have agreed since. Now I'm completely stuck. I want the test, but that's impossible. I can't afford 2-3000 dollars and then there's the wait time (I'm ok with a few months, not years). It's too late for me now. If I had been diagnosed as a kid, and I showed a lot of symptoms, this mess wouldn't have happened. I would probably still be in my early 20s and friendless, no relationships, having trouble functioning in society, but at least I would have a diagnosis to get help. All of the therapy I've sought hasn't helped me, only in some ways. My whole life has been impacted by this ""invisible"" condition. Bullying, social isolation, awkwardness, strong (sometimes) decade long fixations, extremely rigid, obsessive thinking, rigid schedules and desire for patterns, repetitive diet, can't handle change. I'm unhappy, I just want therapy, but I can't get it because I can't get afford a diagnosis. If I somehow got a test one day and don't have AS, then fuck it, I don't have it and that's fine, I will just live with myself and be lonely and my interests will continue to fill the social void. I want to give up and move on, but how can I do that? I've seen 4-6 (wrote too many last time) therapists and doctors and I've had little progress in most areas of my life, not social, not fiscal, academic, or in relationships, not diversifying my interests, nothing. It's costing me hundreds of dollars, because they keep trying to treat the (possibly) wrong disorder. Edit: Apparently I was diagnosed and I had no idea. I just found out today from one of my doctors. I don't have the paperwork, my old therapist has it. Jesus this whole situation is a mess. I need a break, at least a week.",3 "How do i fix this? I want to make friends and I know how to, but when it comes to certain people I just can’t from whatever reason I can’t describe. It could be something stupid as height, voice, or position in power. Once again, how do I fix this bs!",3 "I'm one of those healthcare workers who got ptsd during the peak of the pandemic. Its not much, but my new super power is being able to go out in public without a mask on. It can be inconsistent, but I'm still working on it. Still, everyone gets to look at the bottom half of my face and not a damn thing they can do about it!",3 "Lately I feel most meals don’t satisfy me. I go through phases in which I love a specific cuisine or have a favorite comfort meal and then suddenly I don’t like how it tastes. I go through weeks hating life because nothing seems appetizing, and I can’t even pick a restaurant to eat at or get take out from. I also want to cook something delicious but I get fixated on constructing a spectacular meal and then end up crying in front of my open fridge. I hear the alarm go off advising me that the fridge has been open for too long and I let it go on and feel myself grow even more upset. I think of slamming the fridge door, wishing that the perfect meal just appears and all those feelings dissipate. It frustrates me that I let these feelings consume me but at the same time, I don’t feel like I’m in control. Food is a huge source of happiness for me. The only time I am not hungry is when my Adderall is running its course. I have been taking since September. I am also on Wellbutrin for depression and anxiety. Does anyone else struggle with this or something similar? If you read this rant, thank you. 🥺",0 I am exhausted with these thoughts. I am literally drained. I don't remember the last time I felt relaxed. The last time I thought I am happy. I need to get on with my life. I am in my late 20s and running behind. I need to make a career and live my life. Instead I wake up and my mind starts torturing me. One thing then next then next. It doesn't stop. I am so tired all the time. So consumed by my thoughts. I hope it gets better soon right now I just feel like crying.,1 I see no huge research on this and I’m just confused.,3 "I was watching this show and it kinda touched upon a theme which I am currently having intrusive thoughts about. And it managed to feed it more content which like kinda supports the intrusive thought. So now I'm kinda anxious, uncomfortable and scared. How do you get past these situations when it gets flared up again because of a trigger?",1 "One of my deepest needs is to know in my heart that I'm safe. When I feel that deep fear of OCD I just long to be back in places where I feel safe. I long for a deep feeling of security in my heart, like when I was a child. I wanna know that safe feeling where I can just go out with friends and family and everything is OK (and not be constantly on edge). Is this only me? Do you relate? (I'm 35m) [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/nnbwlt)",1 "i just can never see myself being one of those people that wake up full of energy awaiting for the challenges of the day, with excitement in everything they do. i don’t know about you but i find it a miracle these people exist. like, how????? probably sounds stupid but my small brain just doesn’t comprehend how people can just wake up without being tired and like being excited to live, have fun and socialise??? i’m just confusion. does anyone feel the same or is it just me?",2 "Honestly, I'm tired of feeling like I'm never going to do anything right and that I'm just going annoy everyone with my presence. I feel like I'm just a burden to my husband and his family and what's the point of living if that's how I'm always going to feel?",2 "There were three lanes on the highway. The first lane on the left had cars driving in the opposite direction of mine. The middle lane had cars driving in the same direction as mine. I was driving in the third lane, a merging lane. As I was getting ready to turn, for some reason, my brain perceived the reality as follows: There were cars driving in my direction in the first lane and none in the middle lane I was turning to, so that means I can turn safely. Well, I got really close to the vehicles and almost crashed. With a driving instructor next to me. I don't know how that happened. I still can't comprehend it. I almost caused a crash from behind at high speeds.",0 "Hey yall! So I have PTSD that can be traced back to childhood trauma, like the whole thing. Just chuck the whole childhood in the trash. I'm 24 now and have recently, in the past couple of months, started having really bad PTSD flashbacks, which is something that has not been an issue (or at least as big of an issue) over the past six years. It happens typically on the drive home (with me in the passenger seat), and the slightest association with something that happened in my past will bring up a memory (but not quite a full memory? more of a random flash of an image that my mind immediately shuts down), but because I only see it for a second, I can't dismiss it away, so my mind tries to bring it back, and then shuts down again, and back and forth until a headache breaks out. I've been in a steady relationship for three years now, and so she has clearly picked up on the fact that things are different now, but I find it very difficult to explain what is actually happening. She is worried that I was faking being okay since I met her, and that I had just faked everything, when in reality I think I'm just... becoming less numb? Maybe? It feels like something has unlocked inside me and now I'm just getting worse. I'm not sure how to put a description to what's happening that will make things clear to someone who is nuerotypical, who has never dealt with trauma like this. I don't know what to do. Please help.",3 "I’m 27 year old turning 28 in December. Since turning 27, I’ve become severely depressed with unhealthy thoughts of being completely useless now. I feel like I’ve lost my worth through aging. As a woman, I feel unattractive now. The little lumps in my thighs and butt. The bags under my eyes. The years of PTSD and stress since 17 has destroyed me. I feel so useless and like I don’t deserve anything because I’m not 17 anymore. I miss being a young teen or at least 23. When my life felt like it had more potential and light and beauty. Does anyone else deal with this type of thing?? I feel so alone.",2 "Why am i in so much pain. Why does everyone i love die. My old girlfriend hung herself while on freakin facetime with me. My bestfriend was shot in the neck and killed while i was 20ft away from him, loud noises trigger flashbacks, raped at 7 by a guy babysitter, mentally abusive drunk dad, uncle died the day after christmas in front of me (the person i was closest to), the my dog gets cancer and is put down while im hugging her and i hear her heart stop, my grandpa wanted to see me so bad before he died to tell me something but i couldnt see him, i died hugging my grandma, i cant sleep, im scared of sleeping due to sleep paralysis and hyper realistic dreams that trigger flashbacks when i wake up. Im 15. If this happened while im this young what hell is after this. Just to much pain",3 "Hi. I had a trans ischemic attack almost three years ago. I didn’t realize I had OCD (but felt I might have when I was a teenager when counting ceiling tiles or having to touch every fruit in the produce section of a grocery store or else I’d feel “not right”; also would have my right hand curled into my body). Anyway, after my mini-stroke I started having psychogenic non-epileptic seizures and my OCD went through the roof. I deal with the imposter complex so I feel like I am faking everything even though I can’t control it. It doesn’t help that most ER staff has said I am faking it, popped numerous ammonia tabs to wake me. I dread having an episode in fear of being judged, I absolutely never want to be in an ER and that’s why I despise medical staff and strive to be a nurse myself. I never drank alcohol other than socially as my mother is an alcoholic. When I had my stroke I went into some insane mania, I felt like a sociopath. To avoid negative feelings I started drinking, A LOT. And it’s never been my… thing? I despised it? Eventually it made my paranoid delusions, seizures and OCD worse. For some reason, during every episode I feel like I am faking it or I am weak for not controlling it and it’s not real. I have tics, obsessive and compulsory thoughts and tell myself I’m faking it because that is what medical staff and my ex have convinced me I am doing. I don’t even know anymore. I’m tired and I just want it all to stop. I just want t sleep and forget all of it. I had a stroke taking contraindicated meds and now it’s my battle alone. My ex left me because of this. Idk what to do, I’ve done CBT/DBT. My brain is in an endless loop and shaming myself for not taking better control of the situation. I feel like I can stop it but I just can’t yet. Thanks for listening.",1 "Does anyone else have issues with suicidal planning and intrusive thoughts one week and then the next week you feel fine? Like there could still be some depression there but you don’t wanna die anymore? This can even be like a day difference. You can go from wanting to attempt one night to not wanting to die the next? Is this a normal depression symptom? Thinking about asking my therapist about it. I have depression and PTSD as well as being on the spectrum. Was wondering if anyone else had these kinds of dramatic mood changes with in a 24 hour period or so. Didn’t know if it was a normal depression symptom or what. Edit: My main question is so people have severe depression one week and then feel fine for a while the next?",3 I'm not sure how to describe what I'm trying to explain. Maybe I compartmentalize feelings into categories?,3 "I'm currently in Miami Florida. It's 4:39 AM and I've been up since 2 because of my grandma's snoring. I have given up any further sleep. I will have 3 hours of sleep. Why do people pay to come here? This town is just like every other US town: a big fucking strip mall, but I guess it is different because there is a beach and palm trees. I don't understand why people would leave the comfort of their own home, sleep with family and have to deal with the type of shit I am now, all for a fucking beach. Man, I can not wait until I am an adult. I will make my life so predictable and comfortable. Don't even start with us coming here during a pandemic. My dad is a smoker, he will have severe symptoms if he gets COVID but yet he is so happy because Florida doesn't mandate masks. Also my grandma will go off on Republican talking point rants during the day. It's like she's reciting a Fox News article every time we get in the car. ​ This is only the first day out of the week. What a sad waste of my spring break. I hate normal people and their desire for surprises and variety. I just want to be where I am comfortable. I want to go outside in my wooded area behind my house and be with my cat like I do after every meal. I want to set aside my designated reading times and music times on schedule. I want to wake up at the same time every morning and cook my same breakfast.",3 "I posted a bit ago about my experience with ritalin and to ask for any shared experiences or advice, and figured i will again since everyone was so kind last time! And since posting is helping me keep track of my symptoms lol. So, Ritalin definitely wasn’t the right med for me and I started adderall. 10mg was great! I felt a little boost in motivation without really any negative side effects. Since then my doctor went up to 20 mg, and Ive been feeling really depressed honestly. Its day four and Ive had a few breakdowns and have just been feeing really negative about myself in the general sense. Might be worth it if it actually helped increase my productivity, but seems like anything I got from 10mg is completely gone now which is weird to me. Ive been having heavy mood swings (more then usual😳)! I cant get in contact with my doctor over the weekend (might call my pharmacist to ask for advice) but Im continuing to take them in case it levels out and I can reap the benefits again but im not sure. Im at little sad and hope this doesnt mean Ill have to stop Adderall and try other medications again because I was really happy about the motivation 10mg gave me! So i guess my question this time is if others had the same experience? If the period of depression went away? Im curious if anyone else with these symptoms had to stop the medicine or if they tried with another medication ect. Obviously not going to make medicine decisions from the internet but i’m curious what other people have done!",0 Is it helpful to do things like texting every day and offering help even if they don’t reply back or say that don’t want to talk about themselves?,2 "Sometimes, I wonder how my life would differ, if I was normal. No anxiety, no depression, no battle to continue a meaningless existence. They said, if you lose weight, you'll feel better. I'm down 102 pounds and I'm still awkward as hell. Medication is not helping my depression.",2 "I’ve been having a difficult few weeks, it kinda sucks. So I’ve been diagnosed with both and I noticed when I’m having severe depressive episodes, I lose most functionality and can’t do shit and literally act like a sick person and rest for a week… but at least my adhd is temporary cured lol - I’m less jumpy, I tend to get distracted less(maybe because I wasn’t trying to be focused on anything I’m the first place), I miss having ideas and thoughts jump around constantly, now my brain feels foggy and my heart feels empty. Honestly I rather keep my adhd and be happy",0 "So, it’s my 18th birthday rn and it’s currently 3:59 am. I’m staying in a hotel with my family. I had a traumatic experience a few months back, and it happened when i was sleeping over at a friends house. I have to share a bed with my brother in our hotel room and by no means am i in danger, but my brain keeps telling me the opposite. I can’t sleep at all and i’m current sitting out on the balcony, wearing a bath robe over my clothes to stay warm. I’m just waiting for the sun to come up, but i really need help. any words of wisdom are much appreciated.",3 "I’ve outgrown video games, music, and do art from time to time. But it always feels as if my mind is so scattered that it changes activities very rapidly. I’ll do art for 3 days then lose focus and for days won’t get back into it again. How do I sustain an activity for so long that it becomes a habit? Any activity suggestions?",3 "2 months ago i tried end this, i survived go to a hospital and they give me some meds, i didn't go to therapy yet and the pills ended, i don't know if i was so Addicted or something but now after 1 day , i just start holding my tears in the middle of the lunch for no apparently reason This world is so bad i probably gonna die before reaching 20 years",2 "Constantly having OCD over my friends loving me. Whether or not I’m actually a part of my friend group and whether my best friend really loves me. I just want to run away from them, but I know that’s a compulsion. This is hard, but I’m hanging on.",1 "I have very classic PTSD triggers with certain sounds, such as low frequency sounds that suddenly get louder and sound like they’re coming toward me very quickly. Anything that sounds like it’s about to annihilate me. My body will react as though a plane is about to fly into me, or a tidal wave, asteroid, or nuke is about to wipe me out, etc. (And often it’s just like a really strong wind, or a subway train going by). I was in a car accident when I was 5. And a bank robbery when I was 10. I don’t really see a connection between the robbery and this reaction other than that the robbery may have just over-sensitized my nervous system. The car accident I have almost no memory of until afterward. Which I know doesn’t matter. I know it’s my unconscious body that stores all the memories. Anyway, I do EMDR and I have a somatic therapist. So I’m sure it’ll all work itself out eventually, where this comes from. Just wondering if anyone else can relate? To having intense triggers like that without *really* knowing why? And/or if anyone has any insight into this particular kind of trigger and generally what types of experiences cause it?",3 "i just feel like i’m going insane. when my boyfriend (currently 19) was a senior in high school and had just turned 18, he slept with a sophomore classmate who was 2 and a half years younger than him, so they were 15 at the time. but the thing is, they lied about their age and said they were 16, and they (plus his ex friend) pressured him into doing it. him and the classmate are still friends, which i don’t mind or anything, but i think they’re lying about their age still because now they’re saying they just turned 18 (even though i think they’re 17), and my delusions and pure O keep telling me he knew about their age the entire time, or that he liked it (even though he shows clear discomfort whenever he talks about it, plus his ex friend has proven time and time again to be manipulative and has pressured people into doing weird sexual shit). it’s just tearing me apart. my brain wants me to turn him into this some sort of creep, and i hate it. i’m just losing my mind. i don’t wanna lose him to my ocd, i just love him so much, but i’m so paranoid.",1 "I’ve been dealing with depression for the last year and a half or so. When I have my lows it’s becoming increasingly hard to pull myself out. Over the last 2 and a half years I’ve had three different jobs (by my choice) but it’s starting to affect me mentally. I am in my late twenties and am having a difficult time finding a job I truly enjoy and want to go to everyday. It makes me feel like a failure that I’m not settled into a career at this age. The job I’m currently at, I do like, but there’s a person there that makes me extremely uncomfortable and he makes my anxiety sky rocket on days I’m not mentally well. Unfortunately I work in close proximity to him so avoiding him isn’t really an option. What are some ways I can try and get over this? Has anyone else had a similar experience with a coworker?",2 "Hi folks! Well, I'm 25, and recently, up until last week, I've discovered some of the suspicious feelings that we have as we are growing up that something was ""terribly wrong"". 6 years ago, I had my first major depression breakdown due to childhood bullying, physical and verbal abuse. And at that time, I had a specific episode that triggered this feeling and made me suicidal to the point that it made me want to slit my wrists, jump in front of a car or hang myself. The main point wasn't that I was depressed, but in a way that all my feelings of being inadequate, not able to blend into people, being ridiculed for not having social skills and get my ass handled for being ""autistic"", both physically and verbally, snowballed to the point that I almost killed myself twice. Fast forward to the present moment. A 25yo IT manager, private pilot (don't even ask me how I got the license, fake it 'till you make it), husband, with the current diagnoses from multiple psychiatrists: * Major depression. * Anxiety disorder. * Bipolar type 2. * ADHD (one of those kids, as they say). I took multiple medications as you can imagine, and every single time that I took them, I really believed that it would take those feelings of being inadequate, impulsivity, aggressive behavior, mood swings, poor concentration, depressive state, away from me. Until I felt recently that I should clarify, once and for all, what the hell was happening with me, because these feeling were not being subsided. So I went to a psychiatrist and after that to a therapist, and both of them told me that I should get tested. Apart from that, I recently discovered some documents that my mother kept from me, it were related to past tests from when I was a kid. And god damn it, I knew that I was right. Asperger's with Borderline traits. So this week I'm being tested to confirm the diagnosis, but I guess this is not going to change because I never treated or got any kind of support when I was a kid. So the message that I want to get through is: Please, get yourself, your kids, significant others, family members or friends tested. They don't need to go through the same suffering as I did and as millions of people that suffers from not having the adequate resources to get helped. Getting the right support is what matters the most. Edit: ""Don't wait until someone breaks down and becomes diagnosed with the whole DSM-5."" Yeah, this expression passed the wrong impression like AS could cause these disorders, but they're co-morbid. Just understand that I'm so pissed that my mother kept me from this for 21 years and I couldn't learn skills to cope with it earlier. Instead, others treated me like shit, made me hate myself for what I am, like, I couldn't understand myself or either came to accept what I am. And I couldn't take it no more. Now I see things clearly and I might get the appropriate help for the first time in my life. Maybe, just maybe, now I can love and be myself as I really am.",3 "I found this read each one, not all OCD sub types are there, been documented, discovered etc. but this list just gave me …. I dunno https://www.treatmyocd.com/ocd-subtypes?utm_source=google_ads&utm_medium=ppc&utm_campaign=12657697126&utm_adgroup=123890739561&utm_term=ocd&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI25rk3JCO9AIVi-3tCh3JCwecEAAYASAAEgJXG_D_BwE",1 "Can someone be aggressively suicidal? Liks ""ill kill you if you don't let me kill myself"" Just asking for a friend",2 "I started my job in January of this year, and I still feel proud of what I'm doing and what it's about. I'm known for being nice and stuff. However, all my feelings towards work at the moment are negative. So so negative. I've tried so hard but I keep messing up. I was often so late because I struggle to move in the mornings that I ended up getting in trouble with work. I got a written warning saying that all the verbal warnings didn't work, and it hurts me. I feel so much shame over the fact I've had to go down to 4 days a week as I physically was struggling with full time. I hate being the only one who can't just work a proper job. Everyone is trying their best to make things work, but nothing is stopping or helping me. I'm so tired and done. Im not currently medicated but im waiting to start soon but each day I feel I fuck things up. more and more. Im a good worker but this is killing me. I just want to escape this problem but there is nothing I can seem to do anymore.",0 The ocd is saying I’m going to go to hell if I don’t stop watching anime and wanting to move to Japan for 5 years because my brain keeps saying I sold my soul even tho did not and now it’s saying I have to repent,1 "I really dont know why I'm even posting this but I need to rant since my next therapy session is going to be in about a month and todays session got cancled. I just dont know what to even do with my life at this point. I'm not the happy version of myself when I'm alone. When I'm at functions or school I can be ""normal"" but when I get home I become seriously depressed. For a while I had very repressed emotions, I didnt care about anyone (except for those close to me) and I never felt truly sad for myself. I started taking mushrooms to help actually access my emotions and it definitely has, for better or worse. There was no key moment where this happened but I actually now feel things, real, raw emotions. It makes the highs of life (a little better) but the lows of life much worse. For example I've never cried to mental problems for as long as I can remember until now. I think this will be better in the long run but damn this hurts. Anyways, now to the real rant. I dont really know how to describe this but I've gotten into pretty bad social circles. I've gone to a small school my whole life pretty much everyone in my grade and the grades above/below know me well. This could be a good thing but until relatively recently I've always been socially awkward. not a social outcast but definitely not popular. The friends I have dont even feel real to me at this point. I havent hung out with any of my friends outside of school except for one in a very long time. I still talk to them on our groupchats where we all talk together but I havent felt any genuine connection from them in a while. Whenever I go away to a camp, or really anywhere for a prolonged period of time with people who dont go to my school I'm almost always considered popular which kinda annoys me because I know how good it feels to have real friends when I hang out with people outside of my school. Only thing is this really only happens in the summer. There is another group of people I'm pretty good friends with but my mom has made it essentially impossible to hang out with them. The only problem is that my mom knows that they smoke weed and doesnt want me hanging out with them. Now I completely understand why she doesnt want me hanging out with them because she's aware of the fact I've done drugs and doesnt want me to start smoking weed again. When I try to talk to her about this I've even offered to pay for drug tests and have her watch me take them so I could hang out with them but she still wont even consider it. The people who are in this group are one of the few people I can consider good friends and it kills me not to be able to hang out with them. For example I know a bunch of people from that group are hanging out tonight and I just have to stay home and do whatever. Those people are very clearly starting to realize that we cant really hang out and theyre starting to pull away from me. This really hurts because they're one of the few people I feel happy/comfortable around. At this point they barely invite me to do anything because they know I cant come anyways. I dont really know why I'm going to post this since I'm crying while writing this so most of this is probably incoherent but it seriously hurts to slowly stop becoming friends with someone especially if you both want to be friends. Especially if they're your only way for the next 2 years to actually have a functional friend group again. I really believe that it would be a lot better for my health if I started hanging out with them, even if I was smoking weed every weekend till I graduated than be in isolation like I am now (I'm also completely fine not doing any drugs and they know I'm cool with smoking weed or not). I genuenly believe that if something doesnt change before the start of this summer I'll end up doing something extremely bad for myself.",2 "Hey I was wondering if anyone dealt with executive disfunctions and hyperbolic discounting?! Rather than telling me basics, tell me specific tips which helped! The more esoteric the better, because I read many articles/videos and many things are simply N/A for me, or I can't use them yet! Because I have also existential boredom and depression and chronic pain and fatigue and I can't do anything 75-90% of a day... I won't be describing my situation, because people can't grasp it anyways, so don't ask me... Nothing entertains me more than watching a wall and willing doesn't work (as will is limited resources) and I have 0 motivation, so it has to be something else... Atomic habits are not bad, but I have mostly nothing to do whole day. Even if I went 0.5km walk a day with daily increments. I will do inevitably something stupid, which sets me behind days/weeks. Like going to sleep at 3-6AM. I have 0 self-control... Problem is to be consistent and I can't even recall anything during a day, as I have huge headache and if I set timers - I defer them 50 times, or because other reasons don't do anything! I can't plan and execute even simplest things often times, 90% of times from boredom and what not... I Am completely lost... E.g. I defer going to sleep 500 times and listen to 1 song even 8 hours during my worst days. And my brain literally hurts from boredom like torture, it is not even pain!!! I Am bored to death of 6 years doing nothing coz chronic pain!!! **TL:DR** **Just tell me any tips for executive disfunctions and hyperbolic discounting and procrastination, bedtime procrastination, will, habits and so on... I don't know everything, this would help!!!** **Thanks!**",0 "I just wanna relax, but these intrusive thoughts won't allow that. I know they are irrational, I still can't help thinking about bad germs crawling on everything I touch, which results in me avoiding these objects",1 "I get so burnt out and depressed after about a year at the same job, do something stupid, and then get fired over it. I really want to build a career but I have no clue what to do. It’s so hard living paycheck to paycheck, putting up with shit managers and shit customers for shit pay. I want to go back to school but I just can’t justify getting thousands of dollars in debt to eventually be stuck doing something I hate. Any advice?",0 "Why do I have to make an appointment every week/month..Just so I can be fine? So I can buy my ADHD medicine, and have to experiment on me all types of different anti depressants, anti anxiety, ADHD pills, and for some reason pot addiction pills???? See which one works, it could take months ... and all while you are trusting this person (therapist/psychiatrist) with your whole mental health in their hands. Does anyone else see how this could be frustrating?",0 "Does anyone else get random rushes of euphoria? Lately i’ve been getting more of them and during them my ocd completely disappears, i feel so positive and that whatever was bothering my ocd isn’t that big of a deal and it’s whatever. But when this feeling wears off the ocd does come back and my view on the obsession changes, sometimes it gets very tiring because of all the mood changes, but at the same time it kind of helps me to deal with my ocd. Does anyone know more about these rushes of euphoria and why they happen?",1 "A little backstory. My dads been ill and I’ve seen him almost die. He fell a lot and still can’t stand on his own and falls every now and then. A week ago I was sure I wasn’t dreaming and I heard my mothers cry yelling for me that dads not breathing and to come help. It turned out to be a hallucination/vivid dream. It happened again. I woke up and I’m sure it wasn’t like a dream. It was something weird. I heard this bone crushing falling sound followed by my mothers voice. I sat up and rushed to where my dad was. Everything was fine. I swear it was nothing like a dream. It felt so real. I was shaking by the time I came back in bed. I’m still shaking. Had a panic attack. Took some Xanax but I feel like I’m going insane. I’m seeing and hearing things that’s not there. Edit: minutes have gone by and I’m still shaken up. I know it was a dream both those times but it was realer than anything and my racing heart and shaking body is proof of that. I feel so on edge right now.",3 "I think I'm kinda done tbf. I know Im fucking screwed up from the beginning but well. I think I'm going insane. It's just... I feel confusing and horrible yet I'm sort of laughing while writing this. I don't know why but like, since a year ago every time my mind go crazy like this I sort of laugh unwillingly and uncontrollably. Anyway this isn't important anymore right? I know this whole article is a fucking mess, sorry. But well.. I can't help it. I just.. I tried to be nice, I tried to be good during this whole life but I ruined everything at the end for some reason. I am really done I think. I know I really should've kill myself back then like when I was 10 or something before everything go even worse but I just didn't have that courage. Well, I do think now is the time.. I think I'll be gone soon",2 "I wonder if that man thinks I'm hot, ofc he thinks I'm hot I am hot. Really Mia being that narrsisistic at nine in the morning, you realize that'd be Pedophilia if he found you hot, but for some reason I can't imagine him not finding me hot, well if you haven't noticed you are quite ugly bitch, I mean yeah you have good hair but you ain't no goddess dead beat Oh my god I have no friends, noone even notices im not at school, noone needs me. Except maybe Sophie- but she's at her grandma's funeral who was probably a dead beat or abuser, which is scary. Mia you can't assume she was a dead beat SHES DEAD- I mean she did make a pretty racist and disrespectful trip to Uluru and her own children hate her even her best friends didn't talk at her funeral- tragic- so I suppose she couldve been a mean old hag to them But I mean maybe she was a kind bloSSomiNg old LaDy that never did anything wrong- I mean- she might not have had a great childhood so SHOW SOME RESPECT- she's dead god dammit. Sophie's family is weird- oh god I'm a terrible awful person, I'm a real piece of shit, bitch and a whore- I'm the worst person I know I just insulted a dead women- was it an insult or an observation- I mean anyways I hope the Valkyrie carry her up to Valhalla, and she's safe now she was a beautiful old lady and I feel so bad for poor Sophie. -walks into doctors office- oh wow they're all staring at me, why is everyone here so old- ig this is a skin cancer clinic- maybe they'll have an epifeny and realize that cancer effects the young to and be content with the long lives they lived- Mia you don't have cancer stfu, besides I don't deserve to live the things id do to give these probably wonderful women a few more years- I'd cut my fucking TOEs off, they seem great- you don't deserve life dead beat Take ur mask off so they can see ur segsy face, oh my god I'm such a narcissist what's wrong with me, their sexy too even if life got to them 🙄 ur not the pretty youth of the world ugly bitch. Stop being such an attention seeking whore people love you but you just want to suffer- ur so RUDE and mean and ugly and stupid, and fucking insane-",1 "Hiya Autistic person with GAD here Basically my entire life I've been afraid to speak up for myself. If things upset me, I never ever say it for some reason (probably rooted in childhood trauma but let's not divulge in that right now) How do you guys talk about things that upset you? Say with friends, partners, etc. I struggle because it takes so long for me to process that something upset me that a week after it happened I finally realise it hurt but it feels too late to bring it up EDIT: I can't reply to everyone individually but I want you all to know just how grateful I am for each response. You've all helped me so much, and there's so much information and research in here I can't wait to dig into to make myself the best version of me I can be. I hope to other people who are also struggling with this can take some amazing info from this thread too. Bless you all!",3 "I’ve been recently diagnosed, and my dr. Prescribed me adderall as my first stop on my medication journey. 10MG. It’s the adderall slow acting, Or slow release? Both? Either way I’m supposed to take it for a few weeks and report to her about my experience; specifically in regards to how it’s working. How would I know if I need to up it or not? I feel very different. Like I can finish a task, I’m more attentive etc. all the things you’d want to see. But I feel like it doesn’t last that long? Maybe like 4 to 5 hours tops. Am I doing this right? TLDR: How do I know if I’m taking enough adderall? What has been your experience with gradual increases?",0 "First of all I 100% support peaceful protesters fighting to end these racial injustices. I live in an area that has had the same group of protesters for 3 nights now a block away from my house. They are screaming honking horns and I can hear the polices sirens and the helicopters. Tonight I heard repeated gun shots (could have been something else). I can’t take it. I live with my mom who also has PTSD. We both struggle to feel safe at home, but had made some good progress. I feel like this has gone beyond peaceful. During the day it is fine, but it escalates every night after curfew. I really wish they would stop after it gets dark. I have friends who are posting about supporting the protesters actions at all cost. I wish I could share my experience, but I feel like I would be shamed. I was wondering if anyone else has been triggered by recent events and how they have coped.",3 "After so much heartbreak, so many people lie to me, my own fucked up decisions and failures in life. It just makes you wonder what would make me happy and what in hell should I do. Sometimes being content with where I am seems good enough and I should be happy other times I’m not and I need to do something different or more but idk what. Everything’s confusing.",2 "Hey right now Iam at a curcial point at my life and Im starting to figure out stuff I want to do. I experiment a lot with everything and most went shit but Iam greatful for the expierence. My plan is simple I want to work, a normal engineer job and investing the money I make (whats beside sport my true passion is) The problem is ADHD is destroying a lot, I develop anxiety phases where I hide myself for while and in generell I do mistakes which I shouldnt do. I made it so far without but a lot was hell. Forced learning and stuff like that, are a nightmare for every ADHD person. Right now I will have a real job soon and I want to work and function without any problems and Iam thinking about taking ADHD meds. I read a lot about but I want to hear your expierence because reading only the package insert shows only half of the picture. ​ I have expierence with anti depressents because of a back injury which wasnt detected until it was to late caused some chronic pain which was treated with an anti depressend to recalibrate the brain (which worked). The doctor was specialzed in Sportsience and only told me it will help but now how it will affect my personality. My expierence was pretty good: no more pain after while, my gf said I was more lovely and understanding, overall I felt satisfied BUT deep down I was angry about it because my passion, burning desire for everything was gone. I hated it a lot. So I stopped taking them and everything went to normal expect no more back pain. Right now I fear the same thing again so I want to know your expierence and how your life worked out! ​ My hopes: \- Having a normal live and function \- Having less trouble to focus and get more shit done \- Having less noise in the head \- Being more balanced and having less anxiety ​ My fears: \- Losing my passion \- Losing my ability to analyse problems with a sharp mind and asking uncomfortable questions \- Losing the ability to dig into topics work stuff for days and just having these highs \- getting addicted and maybe some longterm sideeffects. ​ Thank you in advance !",0 "Hey, gang. Full-blown ASD, here. Am I the only one that doesn’t go into ‘meltdown’ mode like so many others I see on here? I used to have minor moments when I just needed everyone to fuck off for a bit, but I’d hardly consider that a meltdown. I know to each their own, so on and so forth, and I totally agree, but maybe I’m just meltdown free since 2003? And now I’ve found the time to rhyme on a dime which is sublime and not a crime. I’d assume there are more than just myself?",3 "I'm 18 and couple of years ago I've been caught by the police for something I'd rather not tell about and after a hearing about this situation I began to have symptoms of ptsd. It was by far the most stressful and scary thing that happened to me because so far the biggest problem I've had was maybe baing caught cheating on a test in school or leaving school property. Is it possible that I've got ptsd from that? I heard of ptsd only from war veterans and people who nearly lost their lives fighting. My symptoms include: attacks of anxiety, very vivid memories of the hearing, suicidal feelings, feeling that I'm helpless, feeling that the police is gonna get me in near future, feelings that I'm gonna go to jail(although there is no possible way that these charges would've landed me in prison)",3 "Right now I am in possibly one of the worst situations of my life. I’m about to be 35. I have been on government disability income for the past 15 years, but when my low-income housing became not a safe place to live, I left it. I moved around a little bit and wound up staying with my mother. She is older and having some issues of her own. Because I have not really ever worked before, the only thing I managed to find (even with the help of an agency for the past year) is a cleaning job. But there are time limits and it has sent me into extreme sensory overload. Right now I feel like I am at breaking point, I am so overwhelmed I can barely function. I am trying to get my disability income back but it is difficult. I did not want to believe I even had autism, socially I am higher functioning than most but in other ways it gets quite unmanageable. I basically was overprotected too much when I was young, I could have had some jobs like everyone else, but my mother overreacted and I never really had a normal life. I brought my best friend here when he was in a life and death situation (he is also on the spectrum and has other disabilities too). I did not expect that the SSI would stop, we had plans to leave ASAP soon as I got him here, but it all fell apart. We are having now to leave because the person in my family who owns this building has died. I am about to be homeless. My entire family are extreme Christians. But now because of the way I have been doing, because I do not share their faith anymore they have basically become my enemy. They are blaming me, and they have become toxic, and everyone they know. Suddenly they went from being this loving family to being quite cruel. My mother has left to live at her boyfriend's house (mostly) and they are going to be married soon, and I am here trying to manage with this part-time job and it is going terribly. I am frantically trying to do everything to get into housing for disabled people. My uncle, who I thought was a loving man has begun gaslighting me and basically acting rotten and making me sound like a terrible, ""lazy"" ""moronic"" person to everyone, but making himself out to be some sort of saint. When I have the chance to rest, I can make things very nice and when I am doing fine, it is ok...I tend to prefer keeping a nice place. But right now it is not ok at all... And some of these people, like my mom's boyfriend, has only ever seen me at my worst. A few years ago when he helped me move my stuff out for example. As I have been staying here, I have been getting progressively worse and more overloaded. When this happens I totally shut down, and right now it is so bad. I am so exhausted and overwhelmed I cannot really take very good care of things, and it has become quite messy here. I also have had insomnia all my life, so these things tend to get worse and I cannot rest. I have not had a chance to recuperate to just go through and clean everything here. They even came here and took photographs to send to the family with the excuse that they want to sell the place so need these photographs. But now everyone has seen what a mess it is and they are passing this around and talking about what a terrible person I am, my mom's boyfriend is fueling it all too. I feel like I am going to have some sort of breakdown very soon. I do not know what to do. I cannot even rely on this so-called family during my worst moments. Now I am to blame for this? I feel so upset. They are even willingly letting me become homeless because they think I can't possibly take care of a place. And they think it is all happening because I ""turned from god"". Is there some agency or something that can help me with rights? I feel like this is very sick what they are doing. **Tldr: I lost my SSI and will soon be homeless, I am having sensory overload from my job. I can't really function right now. My family has turned against me because I am not a christian and blamed me for everything. I feel on the verge of breakdown.**",3 "You know, when in history, you learn about all of those kings and princes, who century by century continue to make the same mistakes, like everything is one big circle? Well, fuck me, because I've officially become a hamster, running for my worthless life. *\[For context, I'm 16, been struggling with depression and anxiety since I was around 12. Also, my English's shit and my writing ability is non-existent, so sorry if something is incorrect or whatever\]* I am so done. I've been trying to get better, I've really been, but no matter what I do, I always return to the same place. It might take a month, a quarter, a year, but in the end, I can never escape the circle of depression. If that makes sense. During the last year, my mental health has reached its peak. I finally had some time to work on myself, but as it turns out, I've been treating the symptoms rather than the cause of my shitty mental state. And here I am, ready to call it quits, because if things get worse, or they will be even worse than the 1st year of high school ( worst time of my life), I will not make it through winter. And the fact I don't really have anyone to rely on doesn't help one bit. So, my question is, is there any way to stop this fucking circle of depression? And make sure you can stay sane for longer than 10 months?",2 i told myself i wanted to be healthy so i tried sleeping early today. it’s 4 am and im eating chicken curry and smoking weed. 😐,2 I’ve been checking the front door to make sure I locked it for the past 43 minutes. I was supposed to be asleep at 1 now it’s 1:43. When will the compulsions ever stop.,1 "I feel like I have been making some progress in my pstd recovery but on Sunday evening I had ptsd episode and I am still reeling from the effects. I have trouble sleeping in general but the last two nights have been worse. Still so agitated, on constant alert and chest gets tighter the more tired I get. I started off in shock (on Sunday), then yesterday I was agitated but right now I just feel angry. I struggle so hard to just funtion day to day like a normal person and then something like this happens and just makes it so much harder.",3 "Man, I turn 29 in a week. 30 in a year. I look at the future my generation was promised. What should have been sunny days and happiness is gray and monotonous. Paying to live, looking for joy in material objects. Only way to possible own a house is to ask my step father for help, a thing society says you shouldn't do because of your gender. Real men don't ask for help. Real men keep the gray pressure pushing at their forehead draining their energy. Go see a therapist, sure. So I can tell them my future looks bleak and they can offer false assurances and recommendations for drugs. I just want to look forward and see the sun. Instead, we snuggle with the corpses of dinosaurs. While we continue to be ruled by geriatric flesh bags. How do I stop looking into the darkness of the future and focus on the present? When the present doesn't seem to lead anywhere? How do I bring a child into this world? When did I start stressing and worrying about things I never use to? Is this adulthood? Take it back if so, I just wanna imagine making pies outta dirt again.",2 "1:34 am and I’m laying in bed thinking to myself that I fucken suck. My old friends are doing big things and to say the least I’m a bum this depression was the beginning of the end for me, wish I could just end this shit of a life.",2 "I’m on Prozac 20mg atm and have been switched to a lower dose bc of vivid dreams but the thoughts have slowly crept back and idk what to do, I can’t even be in cars anymore for fear of the door opening by itself, I’m so lost idk what to do :( the thoughts are so intense and it’s by 18th bday soon and I don’t wanna feel like this anymore should I ask my doctor to switch to a new medication bc this one isn’t working out",1 "I never really thought about this, and I can’t say for sure it’s PTSD, as I haven’t seen a therapist, but it seems like it might be. When I was a kid I was in a pretty bad car accident. It was out in the middle of nowhere, and lots of snow. I don’t have any issues with snow, or with driving, or with driving in the snow. But when the crash happened, there were a lot of emergency vehicles so the smell of diesel exhaust was extremely strong. There was dried blood all over my clothes, from my friend that was next to me in the crash, so the smell from that was strong. And I remember somebody bringing me homemade chicken noodle soup to warm me up. To this day 20+ years later, the smell of diesel exhaust, dried blood, or homemade chicken noodle soup, immediately takes me back to that day, and I feel like I did then. It’s like I’m a kid sitting on the bumper of an ambulance again. I get extremely sick to my stomach, I go quiet, on occasion my hand shakes a bit, and I get this horrible feeling of dread. The effects have lessened over the years, but it still happens. Anyway, it just seemed like an odd thing, and I haven’t ever talked with anyone about it. I’m not comfortable opening up to people. Thanks for giving me a place to get that out.",3 "I used to be full of life. Lighting the entire room. Always the one with the smile. But no more. I used to the brightest kid in school. Cleared way too many examinations and I had to ""choose"" among the colleges, not the other way around. So went forward with the most ambitious one. Now? Struggling academically and scholarship's put on pause. Talkative and charismatic, easily I could become friendly. With everyone. And I did. But, I have no close friends, at all. Friend to all IS a friend to none, meant it this way perhaps. Anxiety had always been a part of me. Now I am a part of anxiety. Anxious about my health, my family, my future ('if' it exists) and the world. I used be so hopeful and treated god like a friend. Nowadays, I am not able to believe nor disbelieve but only wish that I at least get to know the truth. I just don't get what 'is' the point of existence. I mean, I need to do such and such, but why though? Why achieve? Why not enjoy? Why live...",2 It gives me something to fidget with and sometimes helps me to stay grounded. I don’t know how to explain it to others though so I try to keep it hidden.,3 "I’m getting worse and I don’t know why. I feel weak for developing this disorder. I’m angry because every time I sleep at night I see the face of someone I hate with all my heart. They’re the most relevant thing about me. Because of them I have to tell everyone Im ever intimate with about this shit because it affects what I can and can’t do. Little things in my life keep going wrong. I bought heroin the other day. It’s so stupid. I’m two days no sleep. I can’t throw it away. I know I should. I know I’m on the verge of fucking up bad. I just want to feel good again. I took so much shit for granted. Safety. Well being. Peace of mind. I miss it.",3 "I didnt know how to flair the post but i think its rather a rant, since im down bad from ocd this very moment. So anyways im 18M, becoming 19 this monday, i have had OCD since i was 8 or 9 but i was diagnosed this february, all these years that i now know that was the OCD i was refering to it as ""that thing were i loose control of my brain again"" every time it sparked So anyways i am with this girl since july and she is the love of my life considering i had a crush on her for like 3 or 4 years. Last november i develop ROCD and the next 4 months become a living hell until my therapist told me i had ROCD. But then she does sth stupid, she told me that there are worse cases like for example (trigger warning, yes it triggered me so much that tortures me until today) a father who had intrusive thoughts of killing his daughter. So i start obsessing about it developing harm OCD which i did 1,5 months to get rid of only to continue having ROCD since mid (with february being officially the worst month of my life so far, with me almost destroying my relationship and coming close to suicide twice). I change therapist of course and i started getting better with rocd going gradually away until it dissapeared in the end of march (it reappeared two weeks ago beacuse we had a huge nasty fight but now everythings ok). These last days i felt harm OCD reappearing with yesterday being the worst day, right now i cant even close doors or do violent moves at home or even stand in the same place for a long time beacuse i dont trust what my brain will spit out. There was also a wife killing in my country and its what everyone is talking about, not really helping things out when it comes to triggers. So anyways any advice? Is it normal that i have another theme when the previous one is completely over(right halfway my uni exams, im anxious to the point there is not even a night where i dont have a nightmare,thank God for therapy beacuse i am still semi-functional, at least for now) or am i doomed to be like this forever? Anyways sorry for the lenghty text, thank you for reading this far, love u all stay strong❤",1 "Do any of you just like to stare at your environment which includes houses, trees, and people? Like just taking in your environment? The details? And then do people find you weird just for staring at them for like 1 second? Because I never stare at a person for more than a second. Im aware staring is wrong. I just like to glance at someone for a second and then look away. But they think you have ulterior motives? I mean why? I understand glancing at someone might mean you might want something from them but I just like taking in my environment. This is worse when then there are girls my age around since im a young guy. Im not interested in them, I just want to take in my background.",3 "Has anyone here ever been called a jack of all trades ? Can someone on the spectrum be a jack of all trades ?",3 "So, first off, I have aspergers, and my mom still doesn't believe that it's actually an issue. She thinks that I can ""grow out of it"" and choose to be ""more normal"". Every time I am forced to be around anything that gives off a strong odor, my mom says I'm just being fussy and acting stupid. I'm into some weird things, like collecting plastic animals, and she never bothers to hide that look of disappointment she has whenever she catches a glimpse of these objects. Being isolated from having problems with social interaction has caused my life to be torturous. Again, my mother doesn't believe that my autism is the culprit. In my early childhood, I liked drawing, and so I made a picture of a person with a toilet plunger attached to their stomach. I thought it was funny, and so I showed my teachers. That was the biggest mistake of my life. The teacher told every adult in that whole school (around 60 people) that I had some traumatic experience that caused me to draw seemingly inappropriate pictures. The principal would lock me in her office to interrogate me, asking if my parents ""touched me"". They then threatened to send social services to my house to have me taken away, forever. When they couldn't manage to have that happen, those same teachers placed my desk at the very farthest corner of the room, alone. I was taunted and laughed at for being the weird kid that got traumatized. For the longest time, I believed all of them, that I was an ugly creature that was beaten and deserved it. To this day, I still sometimes feel like killing myself because I'm unwanted. I dont know what to do with my life, or if it's even worth trying.",3 "(TW: rape, eating disorders, shooting) I was diagnosed with ptsd a while ago. I come from a rough past, and i grew up with anorexia. In this past year I’ve been raped and in two shootings, one a mall shooting, and the other at my school. Now my eating patterns have swung to the other end of the spectrum and i overeat to cope and i’ve gained over 40 lbs since august 2019, it’s january 2020 now. I don’t know how to ask for help or where to go because i’ve tried in the past. I’ve been to so many therapy sessions and talk therapy doesn’t seem to be doing it for me. my psychiatrist has switched my medicines so many times over 3 years and nothing helps. I feel so hopeless and I cannot stop reliving the rape, or seeing the guy who did it and all that i lost from it when i sleep. I wake up almost everyday feeling completely out of my body and real life is bleeding into my nightmares and vis/versa. I feel like i’m spiraling and i just want to eat to feel comfort. I have almost completely abandoned all hope. I don’t know what to do or how to ask for help",3 "I just repeat things over and over again. I have this thing where the next time I go drinking I actively avoid doing things that I know were annoying from before and an example would be me constantly talking about how drunk I am (which makes me cringe that I did that lol). But I noticed that it’s not the specific statement that’s an issue but instead just that I repeat things a lot even if I avoid saying some things, I just end up repeating other things lol This happen with anyone else?",0 "So I'm 31, diagnosed at 29.. and still learning everyday how to cope with and manage my life with my true diagnosis. I recently started using bumble and finding... It's impossible for me to make connections that last longer than a day. Just looking for tips on how to get to know people? And even just be social since it's so hard for me. I wish there was a dating app for neurodiversity):",3 "I had a hell of a day yesterday. Couldn’t bring my heart rate down. My usual tactics weren’t working. Hours went by and nothing changed, so I caved and went to urgent care (surprise: my heart is perfectly healthy). After chatting with the doc about my anxiety, I realized that I really have every reason to be excited these days. I think… my brain is interpreting my excitement as anxiety. Because of my somatic OCD, my heart rate increasing is a major trigger. And then of course, I get anxious about the anxiety, and so on. I woke up this morning. Heart started racing again. It’s the last day of school, so I should be excited. So I did some research and **[came across this article](https://www.businessinsider.com/harvard-research-says-dont-try-calm-down-when-feel-anxious-2019-9#the-ultra-efficient-shift-of-paradoxical-intention-2).** **Basically, anxiety and excitement are the same thing. The only difference is our story about them. And anxiety is a state of momentum, so it’s HARD for us to calm ourselves down. Often, we don’t want to be calm anyway. When we’re driving or giving a speech or whatever, we want to be alert and energized. So instead of telling yourself to calm down, tell yourself you’re excited.** I’m going to try this today. I hope it helps someone.",1 "I've created a lifetime library of sincere responses. I've watched carefully for tilts of heads, facial ticks shoulder positioning. I listen for social cues. I wear my mask and mimick back acceptable emotions based on circumstance and experience. I'm not bad at it. people think me slightly odd. I can live with that. It has become easier over time in my limited social interaction. My mother recently was diagnosed dementia. She is earnest and scared in everything. That's all I can see. I cannot read her. I cannot console her. She has so many needs. They are all easy and she can't do it. She's just broken now. I keep messing everything up because I don't understand her anymore. It's screwing me all up. I'm so tired.",3 "Preface: I dont know if I have PTSD, but my sibling has a phyc/soc degree and ive talked to them about it they say its most likely PTSD and/or a form of survivors guilt. But honestly what it is dosent matter much to me, so ive never looked into it. So I am sorry if this isn't the place to post this but it was the closest to what I was looking for. Main Post: I grew up in a small town with a religous cult, and because of my sexuality recived death threats often starting from around the 7th grade. When I was there my life was a living hell. I was not the first person to come out, but I was the first person to graduate while fully out (all others moved away due to the harassment). Like I said it was hell but I was paving a road for others to follow, I knew that the more hate thrown unto me the less my underclassmen where facing. I was a warrior for change and it worked, I helped form an underground safe space in the choral library and the year after I graduated 3 more queer students came out and did the same. I was passionate about the change I made and motivated in everything I did because it felt like every single thing was life or death. Fast forward to now, I'm at college 3 hours away. I got out, and now I want to use my experince to make meningfull change in the world. There is a clear path ahead of me to reach my goal, I surpassed my biggest hurdle. So why cant I get past what should be pebles in comparison! I cant find the motivation to do anything. Today I stood outside the door to my class across campus for 3 mins then turned around and went home, going to class just seemed pointless. I never have the energy to do anything and when I do I struggle to find the motivation for it. Yet my peers (some of whom have had to overcome VERY few obsticles and have no direction or goals in life) are able to do it all with little trouble. I just dont understand and feel so alone in this particular struggle, what do I do?",3 "I know everyone is different and all of us experience meltdowns differently. I don't know how common is that but for me meltdowns are just the worst. I've even contemplated suicide while having a meltdown, I just cant handle the feeling. It's like I'm trying to escape from my own body. Does anybody else feel meltdowns in such an extreme way?",3 "Today I haven’t been feeling well from stress. My head has been aching and tingling on the left side above my eye. I also have been feeling chills today. My left eyes vision has been blurry and I worry about it turning into a aura migraine. I also still keep having closed eye hallucinations. When I close my eyes when I try to rest I see my front yard and my own room even though my eyes are closed. I just want to be about to rest but I’m having a hard time because those images keep coming into my mind and vision. How do I stop the closed eye hallucinations? I dint know if it has to do with overthinking or if has to do with stress, sinus, or a cold.",1 "I am sitting in front of my computer, and I've just heard annoying pitch noise. I check the weather and realize that it's going to rain in 16 h or less. It is not the first time I got something like this. Most often I get headaches and become terrible sleepy. When a rain begins, all of these symptoms disappear immediately. Am I the only one who gets weather related issues?",3 "I hate how my CPTSD and disorganized attachment makes it so hard to connect with others even though I want it so badly. COVID crisis without a support system is rough. I am so sad and alone. More than anything in want healthy relationships but I struggle so hard because of my disorganized attachment and trauma history. I don’t trust others. When people try to get close, I push them away. I feel unlovable. I am a very ambitious woman who works hard to get what they want.... but I have yet to be successful in the relationship/friendship area and it is so sad. Right now I am pushing my therapist away. This so hard. More than anything I want real and healthy love. But I am scared and grossed out by intimacy.",3 "I have thoughts like ""if I see a certain license plate number it means I'll go to hell/I'm in hell/I'm in a simulation"", and after having that thought I start fearing seeing that license plate number and when I find it in an odd coincidence I start thinking/believing in these thoughts and possibilities. It's awful. It makes me seek for coincidences everywhere and I feel like I'm going insane. I've ocd like this for a year and it's totally debilitating, please anyone can relate?",1 "Super embarrassing, but soliciting advice. This month I was prescribed desvenlafxine and I went from crying every day to functioning normally almost immediately. It felt like it was a god send. The meds wore off at night and I occasionally took it at night to not sink/yoyo. I looked today and I double dosed nearly a week’s worth. From what I looked up, this is non addictive & it really helped me over the hump. What do I do?",2 "A lot of what I was warned about with vyvanse fell into two categories: Hydration: with needing to pee a lot and dry mouth, I need to drink water and Sleep: it's a stimulant so I need to take it early in the morning to make sure it doesn't keep me up. Ever since I started I've needed to pee way more often, even on days off. This is fine when I'm awake. The need to pee more often however is affecting my sleep, and I find that I'm not getting enough recovery sleep because I'm waking up early hours to squeeze the lemon more than I'd like. Anyone got any advice? Inb4 talk to your doc.",0 "I have comorbid ADHD and tics. OCD onset at age 7. Was severe enough to warrant CBT after my parents noticed. That helped. I'm 22 now and my ocd has been mild enough to manage without meds but this is partly because every single med I've tried for it makes it worse. SSRIs, even NAC and milk thistle. They cause ACUTE ocd episodes. I also have body dysphoria. And I had restrictive eds as a teen. Which I know has similar mechanisms to ocd. I've read that anorexia and body dysphoria patients often have too MUCH seratonin and the caloric restriction provides relief because it lowers their seratonin therefore lowering anxiety. That checks out for me 100% I've read that adult onset OCD often comes along with depression and is helped by SSRIs. Childhood onset ocd often comes with ADHD and tics and those disorders don't tend to have high serstonin. I've also read that for some people, too much nitric oxide can worsen ocd. I recently stopped mouth breathing, started taping my mouth at night and while it's been helping my cognition and sleep quality, I think it's making my ocd worse. Could it be that for adults with ocd, they need more seratonin but for childhood onset OCD we need less seratonin? Why the hell does nac make my ocd way way worse when it helps or does nothing to other people with ocd. (You can check nootropics subs for all the people sharing nac helps their ocd).",1 "While looking through posts here, I've seen a lot of stuff about the idea of accepting uncertainty. From what I understand, this means accepting that you can't concretely ""prove"" or ""disprove"" any one of your obsessions, and letting go of the desire to do that. I see posts that suggest that you have to accept that your fears or obsessions might be real. And don't get me wrong, I get why that idea can be helpful. However, it's hard to practice acceptance when your fears/obsessions center around things that are completely horrific or life-ruining. It's like the more you try to 'accept' the thoughts, the more your brain tries to argue against them, because your brain is trying to protect you from something terrible. This only fuels the OCD cycle. Also, with real-event OCD, acceptance is harder because in that case, something actually has occurred. It seems like acceptance only works in situations where there's no chance of your fears actually being true. With things like real-event or contamination OCD, where there is a chance your fears are real, it's much harder. I hope that makes sense. If anyone has any advice, or can PM me, let me know what you think or if you can relate.",1 "I have tried and failed to workout both at home and at the gym. I do best with structured classes but I VERY quickly lose interest and going becomes not only a chore but a source of dread and anxiety. At this point I’m not even sure how much is ADHD and how much just something else. I desperately want to be healthy, I want to lose a little weight and I’d like to not get winded going up the stairs. But I have horrible impulse control, low motivation, very few cooking skills and no energy to prep food (or if I have the energy my focus is on something else entirely), all of that means I eat like a teenager when my husband does t cook dinner. Plus I have to commute for school and I can BARELY manage to stay on top of that and I HAVE to go so that I don’t waste thousands of dollars and can, you know, graduate soon. Having something optional like a gym or a class is near impossible to go to with any regularity. And when I’m at home I just sit. I spend most of my time glued to my phone or puttering around doing minor household chores because I can’t stay on top of them at all so if I have the energy, that’s what I’m doing. I’m so bored but I don’t want to spend money on something I’m just going to drop in a month *again*. Not to mention we have a puppy that has to be crated when I leave the house because she can’t hold her bladder for more than an hour if she’s outside of her crate (can just fine inside though??) and want to eat EVERYTHING. I’m just so frustrated. Why can’t I just DO IT? Why is it so HARD? Not even the exercise part. I could even do something gentle but NO I can’t do ANYTHING and I’m SICK OF IT.",0 "Twice a year I go with my family to my grandpa’s house to visit him. It would be great if his house wasn’t so messy. I’ve had this thing about getting contaminated when I’m in a very messy house since forever. I’ve had this about my friend’s house as well. Point is, this has been happening for a long long time The bed that I sleep on feels greasy and disgusting no matter how many times I wash them. I’m worried I’ll become dirty and contaminated with something if I touch it with my bare skin for too long. I’ve covered the bed with clothing so I don’t touch it. I can’t sleep on the ground because i think it’s dirty there too I don’t take showers here because I even feel like the water is dirty. I feel like the cups and plates and all the silverware is dirty and contaminated. I have arachnophobia and it makes it way worse. There’s so many spiders that I feel like I can’t go to sleep because I’m scared of them crawling into me. I’m here for another week and a half. I don’t think I can make it I’m so scared",1 "I've been underemployed and underpaid for the past year and a half. Taking jobs FAR below my experience level. I lost my apartment, my relationship, most of my belongings, and my dream job (I left that) all in 2020. All I have left is my computer, broken down car, and and my cat. As for emotional losses? I will never be the same. I should look for a therapist that specializes in cPTSD I first remember my ex always being.. Weird about my successes through the years. I rose through the ranks where I worked. I did fantastic. I was promoted repeatedly. It was great. But our relationship suffered. She was... Never really happy for me. I devoted myself to her. Tried to help her as she helped me too. She began parroting ableist ideals and thoughts, knowing I was on the spectrum. I get it, she struggled with her own thing. I tried to be supportive the best way I knew how. I went to therapy. I thought it was me. This is when I found r/bpdlovedones. I realize it's just.. Intensified neurotypical abuse, turned to 11. But thats a conversation for later. Fast forward to yesterday, and I finally got a job that would pull me out of my rut. 65k, plus benefits, and 100% remote. Background check is finishing up, but there's nothing holding me back from this job. I can't believe it. I actually don't believe it. I feel like I'm in a dream, or the beginning of a horrible nightmare, a foreboding crescendo to the expected plunge into the abyss. The return to darkness. I told some friends. Or so I thought. They're aware of what I've been through. Through my literal tears, I told my friends first. They should know right? Its been 48 hours. Not a single word. I'd rather them just move on like nothing happened. Silence. Then it hit me. I'm the kind of person that gives. But since I'd won something for myself, they weren't happy for me. They weren't really my friends. They didn't care for me. Not really. Like my ex. My fellow aspies, I know this is cliché. We get this senseless, empty mantra of watch your friends, they may not be your true friends. But it's something we especially MUST be hypervigilant. We always suffer through the direct ableism, but we can't fathom just how many people EXPECT us to fail. We let it get in our heads that is what's supposed to happen. Don't let it. Because when you succeed, when you start moving forward to the point where it can't be denied, they won't be here to cheer you on. They'll dismiss you. Push you to catastrophizing. Tell you to doubt a truly good opportunity. Until eventually, all that's left is silence, and the white noise of heart break, shattered expectations, and a melancholy sense of loneliness. ​ Edit: All of you, thank you SO SO MUCH. It's been a long LONG time since I've received this much positivity. seriously, thank you. ",3 "Hi Folks - I recently was dual-diagnosed with ADHD and OCD, and have been looking for but not finding a dedicated space to talk about the overlaps and push-pull of having both. Seems like from my searches folks are talking about their dual diagnoses in both the main subreddits, but for the life of me I can’t find said space. Do any of you know of such a space? It seems like there could be enough of us folks to have a viable community but I’m coming up empty-handed. I, unsurprisingly, like posts and communities to be separated and duly organized, and I feel really uncomfortable posting here or to the ADHD pages about cross-over things and then get caught up in deciding which place would be most appropriate. Just deciding where to post this has taken me more weeks than I’d like to admit. I feel like I’m breaking the rules (hello, rule 3!) and defeating the whole point of having a topical subreddit, but the idea of starting my own subreddit for this seems wildly daunting and I know that would just bring more stress. Thoughts, ideas or encouragement to work on getting comfortable just posting in one or the other much appreciated!",1 "This is how I feel on an almost daily basis. When I have a home day, im generally looking forward to a break from inconsiderate, selfish, pushy, childish, dumb people. Then I take 2 steps outside and there we have it again, fuckwit neighbour doing some fuckwit things. Instead of calling people what they are or reacting angrily and punching them in the throat, I just turn around and go back inside. Then Im stuck inside feeling anxious and frustrated because I want to tell them that they are fuckwits, and tell them why, but thats not mature or the right thing to do. Would it make any difference anyway, apart from temporarily relieving the rage I feel? Will fuckwits ever stop being fuckwits? Will they ever not be fucking stupid? Most of my life I have been a very patient and understanding person, and generally in the last 10 years been able to live without being majorly affected by how other people live, although Ive also had ""depression/anxiety"" on and off since about 13 yrs old(im 39 now). In the last few months since July, ive been steadily getting more and more anxious and angry and impatient and noticing people being fuckwits more....like every time I leave the house, I see drivers being pushy and tailgating, I see people rushing angrily(in cars again) around shopping centre car parks trying to get their preferred spot while almost running over children or elderly people, leaving their trolleys on the road and just generally not giving a fuck about anyone but themselves. At work Im dealing with a childish, narcissistic bitch of a manager(63 acting like a nasty high schooler), and ive been there ""playing the game""for almost a year without realising how much of a fuckwit she is. It all clicked in for me about a month ago after getting a pathetic email about something completely irrelevant to the actual job, a minor email issue which was basically her getting her bloomers in a twist about not being in complete control of everyones every move. A light came on in my head, or should i say an explosive ball of fire aimed at her head, and I realised that I am not capable of playing this fucking game any more and just faking it like we have to sometimes do at work and in society, if it means selling my soul to bow down to some bitch who thinks she is better than everyone else and treats grown adults like 5 year old children, when she is the one picking who gets a shift based on how much they have kissed her ass this week. Shes a fucking joke! The fucked thing is, the actual owner/boss of the place is completely enabling her behaviour, and when any of us have approached him, he says he doesnt want to know about it or goes ""oh well"". I really liked our boss, he seemed like a good person who treated others with respect, but his friend, our lovely fuckhead manager seems to have convinced him that we are the fuckwits. This job was helping my depression for most of this year, as it was a happy, easy going environment where it seemed our hard work was appreciated. Suddenly it all feels like a lie and maybe i was just delusional or in denial. Now it triggers major anxiety every time i get an email from it. Now we're all invited to the fucking Xmas party and i cant think of anything worse than hving to sit at a table with this fuckit giving herself a pat on the back for everything she has done for us, being the fakest nastiest bitch but doing it in a way that confuses us and puts us down, and having a long rambly answer for everything, an excuse for everything, and a stupid fake smile while she pokes us with sticks, and we are the ones who look bad because she is infuriating. I haven't even snapped at her yet, I did question the relevance of her ranty email to our job performance though. I havent seen her at work since then but I doubt very much that i can bite my tongue anymore and I honestly dont know what will come out, as i currently dont feel that i have much control at all over that at the moment. I feel that ive been pushed over the edge, it was the last straw and im slightly afraid of what horrible things i might blurt out to her face if i see it. Fuck the xmas party. Part of me feels like im supposed to go or should go to this xmas lunch but if I snap, then she will play the victim again and turn on the crocodile tears because everyone is horrible to her, then ill look like the asshole. The last few emails im not responding to because my reaction to her bullshit will now be a straight up ""fuck you and fuck that, i quit"", but Im trying to hold out and work over the busy xmas period, so i dont leave myself broke and or homeless while looking for a more suitable workplace. A few weeks ago, I reached out to a doctor and counsellour about my mental state, they say I have PTSD, which i didnt realise can appear out of nowhere a long time after traumatic events even happened. Im trying to deal without medication, but i feel this could take a long time and a lot of patience. Ive run out of patience. Im calm one minute, next minute im trying to work out how to breathe again and remove the violent angry thoughts from my head. People can be cunts but shouldnt i have learnt how to deal with them by this age??? I used to deal pretty well and just ignore or avoid bullshit people. But sometimes that isnt possible, especially whenyou HAVE TO leave the house for work if u want to eat this week. I thought writing this out might help my anxiety today, but it hasn't. If anyone has some advice on how they deal with dickheads at work and in life, while trying not to stoop to their levels and trying to manage mental health issues at the same time, I would appreciate it. Ive tried yoga and meditaion and drugs, not for me. Counsellours are touch and go, hard to find a good one. How else do people function in this society when it seems to be every man/woman for themself? TL;DR: Having a hard time dealing with narcissistic people and living a normal life and not exploding at people, recently diagnosed with PTSD",3 Do you ever get visibly ver frustrated with yourself for underperforming- like in sport- then maybe go off on your own?,3 "My twin died by suicide using an illegally obtained firearm. Anything related to gun violence makes me angry and upset. I can't stop reading tweets and stories about the shootings. I'm going to take a break from the internet today. Sending loving kindness to others having troubles with the news coming from America",3 " I’ve been doing ERP therapy for a few months now mainly focusing on SOCD and ROCD. But recently I’ve been experiencing a lot different sexual thoughts. I’m just wanting to learn more about other subtypes and if these thoughts would be under them. Thoughts and obsessions over wanting a poly relationship. Or even sexual images of threesomes. Even typing that makes me feel strange. I’ve never heard of someone having these thoughts as a symptom of OCD. But I also know that all of our stories are different. So just by curiosity. And as a question. Has anyone experienced these intrusive thoughts as an obsession?",1 " Hey all, This is my first post after snooping around for some time. I just wanted to see if there is someone who goes through similar things I do. I had problems and anxiety regarding my appearance for my whole life even though people tell me, that I look fine/ok but since about four years this anxiety has mostly shifted to my hair. I am constantly worrying about if I am really losing my hair or not (checking multiple times in the mirror, comparing photos for hours, counting all the hair I loose over the day and comparing myself to others). This has turned into a real obsession and on some days it is the only thing I think about, and it is really impacting my personal life, work life and sanity overall. I feel like I have to convince myself multiple times every single day. I try to resist and let the thoughts just be in my head/fade away, but it is just too exhausting. Thank you.",1 "I have so much driving anxiety- it's honestly very severe. Currently, I can only drive around my block, but even then I still freak out. I am paranoid that I am going to hit another car, hit a pedestrian and overall I'm just terrified of getting into an accident/hitting something without realizing. Every time after I drive, I inspect my car to make sure that I don't have any dents from hitting something without realizing. Then when I am a stop sign making a turn- I look both ways, assess that it is safe to go- I am still convinced that there is a car coming that I am not aware of. As I said before, I have assessed that it is safe to go, there's no cars coming from other direction but I still can't help but think ""What if there is a car coming that I am not aware of and then I crash into them"". Also I am convinced that other people on the road are thinking that I am an unsafe driver and not fit to drive. Although I have a lot of driving anxiety, I make sure to obey the speed limits, etc.",1 "I feel distant from anyone, feels like no one cares about me nor eachother besides my parents and the one who loves me, still i doubt about that. I dont have any sort of motivation or things that bring me joy ont the daily basis. The only thing thats keeping me up is my patience and regret of making my loved ones sad, still im afraid of how long that the this chain of love will keep me hanged to life and unfortunately break. I would appreciate some interaction and advices, i think my main problem right now is college and being three consecutives years on the same grade without advancing in nothing since i left highshcool. And seeing that most of my friend's are advancing in life and im stranded in this mug hole makes me sad althoug i feel happy for them. Help.",2 "I’ve struggled with trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle for as long as I remember honestly, I’ll start working out and eating better but then I just completely fall off the wagon because the lack of motivation plus lack instant reward I just can’t stick with something and it’s starting to really bother me. How do others with ADHD keep the motivation and such to stick to a healthier life plan?",0 "Hi everyone, I’m new to read it and this is my first time so I do apologize if I’m in the wrong place. I suffer from PTSD I’ve had it since 2010 from a sexual assault I went through. I had just started finally kind of getting my life on track. I was on a good prescription still lamb actually. I just started my own business. But recently went through another assault..... (Please don’t apologize I don’t like when people do that. I’m okay I promise.) and since then have become so socially withdrawn and I can’t do anything about it it seems. I can’t even find a good reason to get out of bed in the morning to make breakfast or a coffee if it means interacting with someone in my family or one of my roommates. So to say the least I’ve been starving myself for weeks and hiding away in my room. People are commenting Saying I’m getting skinny. When someone talks to me I feel like I’m underwater struggling to breathe. Does anybody have any tips on dealing with this or anything I can do? Do I just have to literally force myself to go out there and do it? I wish it was that easy. I’m currently writing this as I sit in my car, something I’ve been doing nonstop lately for hours on end. I bought my parents coffees but I’m avoiding going into the house to give it to them because I don’t wanna have to have the three second social interaction. What should I do? Should I tell my parents what happened to me recently and tell them to expect New behaviour for a while? All help is appreciated really and I’m sorry for any spelling mistakes I was talking into my phone lol.",3 It’s supposed to help with my rapid mood swings. I don’t have a diagnosis of anything other than Aspergers and OCD. It’s odd since autism is not considered a mental illness and I was always told medication doesn’t help it.,3 "I literally have been a junkie for half my life now, at the moment not even my drug of choice is helping me from feeling like the worlds biggest shit stain…. I’ve always used without regret, I’ve never felt remorse or guilt or been depressed about who I am, I chose to be that person, but this time, idk I let my grandkid down and I kind of broke my own heart, I am realizing that my SO loves me soooo much that he will never look at me and see the junkie that I am, I think he makes better excuses for me then I care to even make for myself, I’m about to loose my job I think because I didn’t care enough about it to not go to work geeked out and im literally thinking that the world would be safer, better, and maybe even kinder without me in it, offending everybody talking shit, using people to get me through my dope lows, and most definitely give him a chance to find somebody actually worthy of his love….. I honestly don’t know if I love him, he was supposed to be a place to crash for a few weeks as I got my own place… and it’s years later and I’m ruining his life, he doesn’t see his kids, his family nothing everything revolves around my use lack of use and the emotional rollercoaster I stay on….. why does God make people like me, what was he trying to prove by making me, that evil can walk the earth incarnate…..",2 " I’ve read that exercise is especially beneficial for those with ADHD and I’m curious to hear personal anecdotes. Also wondering what you think of taking the meds before exercise especially for “mild”cases? I don’t feel like myself if I don’t exercise every day. I get anxious And can’t function well but I’m curious if this is related to ADHD or just me. I almost never take medication to exercise because I don’t feel like it need it",0 "I was just thinking how many people in the spectrum have trouble with facial expressions and body language in general, but then I thought about Sign Language In case you didn't know, facial expressions, and body language in general, are important in Sign Language, it kind of takes the place of the tone of voice or intonation, and in some cases it may even have grammatical meaning So I wonder if speaking Sign Language can help people in the spectrum to understand Body Language",3 "I've had PTSD ever since my rapes, it's been a long struggle, my recent break up because I don't know how to cope, and my seizure/panic attack. So I drown myself in drinking, smoking, drugs and stuff etc. My family is up my tail about everything and, it's getting to be to much for me to handle. Please help.",3 It’s gotten to the point where I can’t differentiate my regular train of thought from my obsessive thinking. Whenever I have a normal thought I just feel like it’s obsessive and it gives me anxiety. Hate this shit so much.,1 "I'm not diagnosed with ADHD, but I wasn't really sure on where to go to write a post about this. A couple of years ago I noticed myself struggling to read and comprehend what I was reading at the same speed everyone else was doing it. My parents noticed this too so I went to a psychologist that made me do some exercises that felt a bit useful, but then I stopped going there because the treatment was enough for what I needed in school. Now I'm on my second year of university and I noticed that I've found myself struggling to read again, meaning I have to read paragraphs or sentences multiple times to really understand what they are saying, which doesn't really happen to my classmates. I'm not really sure if this has to do anything related with ADHD or something similar, but I want to know if you others have been through something like this too. I tend to compare myself to others and I feel really dumb for this reading issue. In case it's an actual problem, I want to ask for exercises to fix it, or at least to make it less relevant in my life to the point where I can read my homework without having to read it 3 more times. Thanks for taking the time to read this. :) TL;DR: I think I have an issue with reading and I don't know if it has to do with ADHD, but I want a solution to it.",0 "So iv had hocd for 5 months and my brain got used to it, the first month was hell crying everyday I couldn’t eat or sleep I felt dead inside but anyway I feel like I can’t be in a relationship because I’m left with these thoughts and doubts because what if I’m faking it what if I can’t catch feelings and feel the crush feeling I did with boys before iv lost feelings for someone iv liked for 2 years so how am I supposed to be normal ?? Also with harm ocd aswell when I’m pissed off it’s like I feel this volcano building inside and about to irrupt I feel so angry like I get shaky and I never used to be like that but over the tiniest thing i just get angry quick so I get scared because what if I snap and pick up the nearest thing near me and use it on someone",1 "Found out yesterday that my dad’s kidney is at its worse than before. I forgot the diagnosis of it because my mom didn’t tell me very clearly but yeah. Even though I don’t have a close bond relationship with my dad, I still love him. He has been suffering from type 2 diabetes since he was in his 30s (according to him) and his health is declining almost every few months and it’s honestly scaring the living bejesus outta me. I’m not worried about the worse case scenario so far but it’s honestly still kinda bugging me here and there.",2 I had to put my cat down today. He had late stage congestive heart failure. I rescued him two months ago and took him to the vet that week but it wasn't detected. He was 7. I am feeling a mix of extreme grief and guilt. I'm also worried about the guilt over this becoming a theme for me because I tend to believe that things happen as moral consequences to me being a bad person or doing bad things. Does anyone have tips on how to get ahead of this,1 "I think since I was a kid, it was drilled into my head that a lot of the things that I did was 'wrong' and needed to be fixed, and it took a hit on my self-esteem. I feel like no matter how well I'm doing by myself and my goals personally, it's not enough and I'm not doing well.",3 "Hello all. I recently posted to r/autism with a query about focus issues related to autism. The general consensus was that it sounded a bit more like ADHD focus issues, so I came here. In my post, I mentioned trouble with focus, procrastination and restlessness. I also tend to zone out of conversations a lot, have always had extremely poor organisation, and terrible sleep patterns. I always used to multitask, like cooking while I read etc. because no one activity could really occupy me. I genuinely struggle to do anything I'm not interested in and honestly just ignore/avoid most things until they become a problem (I should mention there is a reasonable likelihood I may have autism, which I know shares some symptoms with ADHD). I have mentioned this to my therapist and also googled it and it appears that these things may be somewhat consistent with ADHD. However (I was slightly embarrassed to ask my therapist) I am worried I do not have ADHD because sometimes I can focus on things. For instance, as a child I was always restless and frustrated until I discovered reading. Ever since then, as long as I find the writing agreeable I can sometimes get so absorbed in reading I forget to eat/sleep/ move. Even that would fail sometimes, but the internet is my #1 failsafe because it just shuts down my brain. I tend to open a lot of tabs and flit from one to the other sporadically, but it's one of the only things where it doesn't feel like my brain is racing under pressure, and I am absolutely concentrated. Basically, sorry for the long rant and the maybe stupid question, but are these behaviours consistent with ADHD? I'm really very desperate to know so I can begin trying to get my brain 'in order.' Thanks.",0 "hi! my name is lav, and i'm fifteen years old. if you have OCD that is triggered by sexual references made by minors, i suggest you click away. i've been struggling with pOCD since last september, one month after i turned fifteen. before that, i had milder OCD - thoughts that didn't really stick, about my dog, or my dad. then one day in september, my little brother clambered on top of me - as little brothers are wont to do, and his hand touched my thigh, and i immediately started thinking, ""his hand just touched your thigh. why are you noticing this?? does it matter? your older brother never notices, why are you?? did you like it?"" that day, i hid inside of my room, crying, digging my nails into my flesh every time i started to disassociate (which is a very common thing for me to do when i'm having what some would call an 'OCD attack'), and hitting my forehead with the palm of my hand hard enough to see stars, just to avoid spiraling into the thoughts. i did an insane amount of research- hours upon hours of it, until i found information about pOCD. i knew immediately that i had it - i am very protective of my little brother, and i consider the general protection of minors to be of utmost importance; and as OCD attacks your core values, what else could it be? ​ unfortunately, the fun little side of my brain that wants me to suffer didn't listen to that logic. from then on, i started having unwanted, sexually graphic thoughts. i was already easily triggered by sexual things due to experiences in the past - and having this type of OCD made it even worse. it was a constant onslaught of disgusting things, all the time, and it was traumatic. every single day, i couldn't make it through without doing research, mental checks, groinal checks. i immediately knew i had to get some kind of help, and luckily i had the resources to do so. i booked my first therapy session with a Christian counsellor - and i'm an athiest. i made it through two sessions before she started using metaphors i wasn't fully comfortable with, so i opted out of therapy until recently. i booked it with a therapist who is also an athiest, and who specializes in OCD. what prompted this was a trip to disney world. kids, everywhere, all the time. it was very, very difficult to enjoy the trip. it's gotten to the point of where i'm so desensitized to the graphic thoughts that my OCD literally uses that against me. ""why aren't you outwardly disgusted? why aren't you hurting yourself like you did that first day?"" i had my first session with her after ages of sending insurance information (since i'm a minor, extra steps had to be taken). it went great - i cried in the first five minutes. my next session, we're going to start exposure therapy. it sounds completely terrifying, and i want to put it off forever? but also i just want it to get better. i can't live my life anymore. i can't be friends with people even one year younger than me because i feel like a creep. ​ i am hoping against hope that i will make it to 20. i consistently have the self-prompted, non-intrusive thought of ""if i don't have OCD, if i actually am a pedophile, i'm going to kill myself,"" and i am almost certain that i will. i really really need it to work",1 "I have trauma relating to domestic abuse and I have been in and out of therapy for about a year. And have been living with PTSD for just over 2 years now. I just started my freshman year of college and am at a point where I'm truly starting to realize I'll NEVER be the person I was before the trauma and this had been causing me to have a lot of episodes in the past few weeks. I've been missing class and assignments because I have been crying or using steryotipical college kid coping mechanisms that are WILDLY unhealthy. I just want to know if I'm ever going to feel good again, if I'll ever be able to sleep not worrying about waking up my roommate with my night terrors. Or being able to go through my day without thinking about my abuser. Am I going to have to live as this angry and mean version of myself forever? What does ""recovery"" even look like? Does anyone ever get there or do I just have to cope forever? Sorry this ended up being a bit ""stream-of-consciousness-y"" I needed an outlet to vent after waking up at 3am and now writing this at 4.",3 "hell yeah we out here lookin fam real threat assessors only",3 "Just started medication for my ADHD and I was terrified my ED would come back in full swing. Never formally diagnosed with an ED but it was painfully obvious that one of the things I hyper-fixated on was food, my next meal, my next binge, etc. This led to another hyper-fixation of weightlifting and exercise. Long story short putting me in a bad relationship with diet and exercise and was just really hard on my mental health. Anyway, I was afraid starting adderall would bring out these old habits with appetite suppression being one of the bigger side affects but actually it’s helped me a ton! Sure I don’t have an appetite but I know I need to fuel my body and can still tell when it’s time for the next meal except I don’t obsess over food anymore! I just..eat and move on with my day. My husband never could understand why food was so something I thought about so much (before I was diagnosed with ADHD we didn’t realize this was me hyper-fixating). And I couldn’t understand why my husband and really anyone for that matter didn’t really obsess over food, but now I freaking it get it and I feel so normal!!!! Anyone else experience anything like this? Im newly diagnosed and medicated so this is my first big “win/life changing experience”",0 "So my OCD takes the form of extreme perfectionism, even if it means something is perfectly imperfect. I'll sit there and rearrange something over and over again until it looks ""right."" Even if there are things in the trash that don't look right, I'll almost pick them up and drop them back in until it looks good enough. I know that the trash will be incinerated in days time, but it doesnt matter.It interferes with my job which is an issue because my job requires speed. Anyway, at home my room is in complete disarray. My bed isn't made at all, I have clothes piled up on my seat. There's shit all over my desk. I have plastic bags everywhere that I haven't bothered cleaning up. Does anyone else have something like this? Another thing to note is that I have also been diagnosed with melancholic depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder, but the last one is pretty vague.",1 "Hi there, After an uphill battle, I finally have an ADHD diagnosis (and potentially ASD...!) at 31 years old. 4 days ago, I was prescribed 18mg of Concerta. I'm not feeling anything yet except a suppressed appetite but I remember when I was in the chemist that the dispenser asked me if I want generic or non-generic Concerta. I asked what the difference was and she said the only difference is the price. The generic stuff being cheaper, obviously. However, I've since read online that there actually may be a difference between these two medications and I would like to know what the difference is? At the moment, the pill I take has the word ""APO"" written on it but I know the branded versions have ""ALZA"" written on them. I have 5 days left on 18mg and after that I go up to 27mg. I think when I go to pick up the 27mg I'll ask for the branded version to see if I can feel/notice a difference. Does anyone have experience around this or have something insightful to share? I'm curious why the chemist would say there is no difference at all except price when there actually may be a difference.",0 "Sometimes I don’t realize the extent of it until it hits me, sometimes it doesn’t. It’s like that slap in the face from reality when you’ve been oblivious or in denial for however long. Any time I am stressed out I disassociate. I feel like I’m walking through a dream. I space out often for long periods of time. When watching tv or having a conversation with someone half of what is said will not comprehend in my brain & the simplest of things confuse me. I tell myself that what’s happening is real life, but I don’t believe it until I come to. What are your experiences with disassociating?",3 "There’s a show in Australia called You Can’t Ask That, and the premise is that people submit anonymous questions to ask people from a given minority or misunderstood community. They recently did one on OCD. There’s probably nothing particularly new in here to people in this sub, but sometimes it can be comforting to hear the experiences of people like you. It more might be something you can encourage friends or family to watch however. Content warning: if you’re someone who adopts new obsessions or compulsions easily, they do talk specifics about their experiences, so you might want to give it a miss. There is also some brief discussion about suicidal ideation, so if you’re feeling fragile in that respect maybe avoid. If anyone who was interviewed for this episode comes to this sub, I just want to say how impressed I am at your honesty and bravery. It would have taken an immense amount of strength to go on national television and talk about this stuff. Link: https://iview.abc.net.au/show/you-can-t-ask-that/series/6/video/LE1921H003S00 You’ll need a VPN if you’re outside of Australia.",1 "As a child I was very sweet and hated to see others bullied. I was an awful liar and buckled immediately when challenged on my lies. In my teens I had a heated home life and I had to learn to lie effectively a lot. I became really cynical and I would even say manipulative of others. I learned to lie at home but applied it to a lot of other areas of my life. I sometimes wondered if I was a sociopath. I bullied my brother a lot and could notice details about others and tease them effectively. I consumed A LOT of media and learned to say things and act in certain ways like they did in movies and tv to be perceived a particular way. I look back on those years and I am mortified by my behavior and I can’t even fathom lying anymore. I am honest to a fault a lot. I value authenticity and I do my best to be genuine. Though I definitely feel the need to mask during social situations because I realized that I don’t know how to interact with people if I’m not pretending.",3 "I’m 28 dealing with ptsd from childhood abuse and trauma and also my mother was violently murdered 5 years ago and I can somewhat manage my symptoms I just get random mood swings, night terrors, and I need some help staying on track with self care. I have a girlfriend now and she’s been helping me with the self care part and the night terrors and mood swings are becoming less frequent but she is insisting I get on medication and I’m not about that life, I’m a very healthy and active individual I just have these depression episodes where I need to pull myself up by the bootstraps sometimes and also my mood swings affect our relationship, the psychiatrist prescribed me ocycarbazepine (trileptal) and he says it will help to stabilize my mood swings and help me through therapy but I’m afraid to do anything that might exacerbate my symptoms (which I can live with) or mess up my lifestyle (I surf a lot and these meds can give you issues with too much sun exposure). I’m talking to a psychologist as well once a week but this is the third one I have tried to work with since my mom’s death and I give up every time after 2-3 sessions because it just brings up all kinds of shit and makes me feel so much worse I can’t deal with it. I don’t know what to do, I feel like it’s fucked up that I should have to take meds I’m a very competent individual and I feel like telling all these people to go F themselves but I can’t keep running from it and I’m trying to make things work with my girlfriend. She is really giving me what I need but i also feel like it’s kind of wrong to have my girlfriend taking a mother role in my life. (She is 10 years older than me.). I’m also in Brazil and don’t speak the language so I’m really getting babied here but I need that female element in my life it’s just so confusing. My moms mom died recently too and I have no other woman in my life other than my abusive stepmom who can’t and won’t help me and she’s back in the states anyway. I feel like there’s nothing I can do and I don’t want to be in this relationship for the wrong reasons and hurting her with my radical mood swings but I can’t leave now that I finally found this missing element in my life. Also to complicate things we are waiting on a k1 visa so she can come back to USA with me but who knows how long that could take, Loving Brazil but I’m kind of losing my mind with this one. Any thoughts?",3 I absolutely *hate* soggy bread. I don't understand how people enjoy stuff like meatball marinara sandwiches or bread pudding. It's disgusting.,3 "Whenever I’m stressed, upset, anxious, or triggered, I’ll usually go on my phone to calm down and “cope”. Today a higher up commented that other people were complaining about Me, because I tell them to put their phone away but I frequently go on mine. Since I want to advance in the company, I’m struggling to come up with work appropriate coping skills. Sometimes I’ll doodle or do bilateral tapping on my arms, but that makes it look like I’m bored. Any advice?",3 Gave myself 3rd degree burns on friday which got infected and i had to go on antibiotics and maybe get a skin graft. 0/10 would not recommend,2 "Hello, I fought in the Iraq war, directly in engagements many times. My squad was hit by several IEDs one hit my truck resulting in injuries causing chronic pain to this day. For maybe 5 years I was angry constantly. This evolved into just being numb for another 6+ years. I finally started feeling emotions again when I met my current girlfriend last year. Recently we've been getting into a lot of arguments and a couple nights ago something just snapped in me. No more feeling one way or the other. I'm not sure what to do but I know it's not good. I'm already going to therapy and have an appointment in a few days but every moment like this is not good for either of us.",3 Idk how i feel anymore. I dont wanna do compulsions and i dont wanna relieve the anxiety. But at the same time i dont believe my thoughts? But not believing them makes me think im a psychopath???? Wtff is this,1 "I noticed a thing these few years, and no, it's not the pandemic for me, this goes back to 2018-19. I became surprisingly lonely, I used to at least have some friends on the internet I played games with, but nowadays I can't seem to care enough about games either, something that used to be a valuable escape mechanism became a thing of the past I do not want to come back to. I even tried a weird desperate attempt at texting random people on reddit to be friends with, but it obviously wasn't effective. When I used to have friends, I was always ""the soul of the company"", so it is not like i am socially inept. I don't know what happened, but I am a mess now. I feel super old even tho I am only 20, and despite having things that I used to dream about back in the day, I am more anxious and I feel disabled and out of control deep down.",2 "I have a **lot** of backlogs. I have enormous, looming *piles* of backlogs. I don't know where to start because it feels like I have to do them all at the same time. My prioritization skills are shit. Doing one makes me feel anxious that I'm not doing the other. I'd like to get them all off my plate before the year ends. Sitting down and isolating myself to work is ineffective--my brain feels like it's wailing in agony. I end up placating it with quick dopamine boosts--food, reddit scrolling, napping. Any similar experience to this? What do I have to do to become functional again?",0 I just such a burden to take care off. I also know they can't do it forever. They care so much and it hurting them which hurts me.,2 "My mom passed away 2 weeks ago.i held her hand in the ICU as she passed. This is my first loss of a family member. I'm 20 years old. I'm in college and pretty much a loner, which has been fine for me up until now. However, I feel numb, almost as if I've been on autopilot for the past 2 weeks. I don't know how life will ever be 'normal' again. Someone who's been in a similar situation; how did you keep going?",2 I'm getting better at it. These people know to phrase things in a fluffy way to get what they want. Most of them are snakes.,3 "I'm 13 and extremely depressed, I've tried to find things that make me happy but everything is dull to me, I feel lifeless and empty, I fake my smile all day, I'm ignored by all my family and friends, I'm all alone, if you don't mind just say hi in the comments, it would help alot.",2 "It feels like there's something poisoning me from the inside out and I just want to carve it out. I get these really fucking intense moments of just... rage. It takes every ounce of control I have to not lash out at the people just trying to help me. It never really goes away, but some moments are a lot scarier than others. I guess I have cptsd according to the professionals? I thought I was fine and that I was content with my life. I had an extremely traumatizing event in January occur, which really set everything onto a fast track into hell. I'm starting to realize that the doctors and my therapist are correct, they say I've just had continuous trauma throughout my entire life. I'm 31 yrs old. I think they are exaggerating, the things I talk about are just normal things. Lately the overriding issue is that I'm a piece of shit, but the people around me won't believe me and negate that. I don't say that shit for pity or fucking compliments. It'd just be so much easier for me if everyone else hated me, too. Then I could just disappear. I'm so sick of being me, I just want to cease existing. I'm not suicidal or anything so dramatic. I just... fucking hate me.",3 "i know this is very ordinary but i get seriously upset if someone was to point out that a teacher is a bit strict or bad at teaching especially, it really gets me triggered and it feels unfair when they havent done anything except aim to teach a lesson, im in hs so theres the odd class clown or pestering idiot that pisses of the teacher and it gets me worked up and tense or frustrated if people start talking shit about said teacher for how they handled it any other aspies who deal with this?",3 "Hi everybody! So I recently got diagnosed with inattentive ADHD and I'm learning quite a lot about myself. I'm on my third medication after the first two had no affect on me, I now take 18mg of Concerta. I'm very lost in the whole ADHD process and I want to learn to manage it a little better. I still feel struggles with executive dysfunction, working memory, and just focusing on anything I legitimately have to do like my schoolwork but I have no trouble cleaning my entire house in extreme detail. What do I do where do I start? Does anyone have a story where generic medication worked for you? I hear the most success stories on Vyvanse but my insurance refuses to cover it. Any tips or suggestions would be great. ​ Thanks everyone <3",0 "Maybe this has something to do with masking but I swear the more that I notice a trait in my personality and presentation which reflects a certain group of people the more I emphasize said trait and bring about similar ones until I reach a point where I am a stereotype of a particular thing even if this thing is not something I wish to fully identify with even if it is something I don’t want anything to do with and it makes me very uncomfortable because it confuses everyone including myself in regards to who I am what I like what I want and what I think.",3 "I am so exhausted of feeling so low all the time. I can barely get through the day, let alone get any work done. So I sit staring blankly at my computer screen trying to catch up. I know i’m letting everyone down. I feel so overwhelmed with life, I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. At night i’ve been having horrific nightmares. Before I fall asleep, when I close my eyes, all I see is disturbing faces and images. I just feel I can never rest, and i’m so tired. I’m so stuck in this daily cycle, I don’t want to exist anymore.",2 "It was my first time out in a while because i’ve been scared of doing things because of the pandemic. I live with a lot of older people (one being 88) so I try to be careful. Anyways, finally got the chance to do something I like doing. I was having a lot of fun and even thought it looked like I was having a good time because I could’ve sworn I was laughing and smiling at least a couple times. I do that even when I don’t have to because I really try to hide any negative emotions I have around people bc it pushes them away…. back to the point, I was doing my own thing and the person i was with told me “smile more and have fun.” It honestly caught me so off guard because I WAS having the most fun i’ve had in months… it really made me overthink things for about a solid week and made me so upset. I thought I was doing a good job. Yes, i’ve been told this many times before but this time it just really got to me. Should i always have a constant smile on my face? it’s hard for me because i’m always so anxious but i really do try! Anyone else get told this a lot? if so, what do you do?",2 "I always hear that people with ADHD are supposed to be great at multi-tasking. However, this is definitely not the case with me. I have diagnosed ADHD-Inattentive type. I have found that when I have to multi-task, I fall apart. For example. I used to work drive-thru at Panda Express. I had to take orders, cash out people at the window, and get the food for the person who was ordering all within the same couple of minutes. I was absolutely horrible at it. For one, I can’t listen to someone speak while trying to do something unrelated at the same time. I would also get distracted by outside sounds or if a coworker was trying to work around me. Sometimes it was so bad that I would be so confused about what I needed to be doing and I had to stand there for a minute to gather myself and remember what needed to be done. I always needed help doing drive thru, and I was the only one who didn’t improve at it over time. In school, I would ask to do my classwork in the hallway if people inside the class were talking, because I couldn’t take in what I was reading/doing when sounds were distracting me. In general, I can’t process information if I have to do that alongside some other task. I have so many examples of my absolute inability to multitask. It’s made work and school quite frustrating and I don’t understand where the whole “adhd people can multitask well” stereotype. So what do they mean when they say that? Am I just an even blacker sheep among a group of black sheep?",0 "On one side I am like, I am not dead but on the other side I am like I am hella Contaminated. It's winters here and I don't have a water heater installed on my floor. Something happened a few weeks back that may have Contaminated me and since then I have not taken a shower ( mainly because it's cold here and I don't have a water heater) Also, because I have got really lazy these days. I am completely a mess right now, on one hand I am feeling proud for not giving into my compulsions but on the other hand I am feeling really anxious because I have been Contaminated for like 3 weeks 🥲",1 "I’ve been suffering from traumatic episodes that get worse by the day. I’ve accepted what happened to me and the events that occurred but there is one thing I can never accept and I can not even believe.... Backstory: I was in a severe car accident that totaled my truck, shattered my femur, and fractured my hip. The truck I hit was parked in the middle of a two lane road going one way, in the middle of nowhere with no street lights for miles. For awhile I didn’t think anyone was coming to help and I was pulled from my truck by the other party. After laying on the side of the road for x amount of time, a car pulled up, a cop got out and started talking to the 3 people who were from the other party. After they were done talking, they all approached me laying on the ground, the cop shined a light in my face and started to ask me questions like why did I hit them trying to make it sound like it was my fault but the truck didn’t have any lights on and it was parked in the middle of the road while the men i the other party were doing something in the woods!! Regardless, after the cop asked me some questions she realized I wasn’t at fault and I was coherent, which is when this night took a turn I never saw coming and I am still struggling with the reality of. After the cop was done questioning me, she handed her flashlight to one of the guys from the other party and told him to keep it in my eyes so I can’t see. Meanwhile she walked to her cruiser, pulled it closer to me and she went into the trunk of her car and the next thing I hear is one of the guys saying you don’t need your gun because we can just use his gun (referring to me). Luckily I heard her say no we are not killing anyone as she walked closer to where I was laying. Next the female cop tried to ask me questions and I refused to answer or acknowledge her, which is when she pressed on my leg where there was an open wound I sustained. I screamed in pain and she tried to tell me she was there to help. Next she told me to look at her but I told her no because I knew she was just gonna shine the light in my face. But she tried to assure me she wasn’t going to do that and she wanted to see if I was alright, so I lifted my head up to look at her and as my eyes tried to adjust from a flashlight in my eyes to the pitch black night, the cop hit me in the head with her gun and knocked me unconscious... This is where my PTSD stems from. This is why I have no faith in society or law enforcement and this is where i can barely believe this happened. I mean a cop hit me in the face after I just experienced a horrific car accident that wasn’t my fault!! Cops are supposed to be held to a higher standard but they can choose to operate at that level or lower when convenient for them. To make matters even worse, the female cop put the investigation onto another cop just so she didn’t lie under oath if she got a subpoena. Still to this day I don’t know why she did it and I couldn’t even tell anyone because I never thought anyone would believe me, especially since I cannot believe myself. 4-5 days ago I was having a flashback that lasted at least an hour before I could regain control. I went to my parents house to get some aspirin for my headache and that’s when I had another episode in front of my father. During which I told him the truth about the fact that I can not stop thinking about my accident and what happened during my accident. The next morning he thought I was losing my mind but I assured him it was the truth and he immediately called a lawyer. Now I can’t stop thinking about my accident. Flashbacks and thoughts are more frequent than ever before however I have found a slice of peace in telling my family what happened. I see a therapist tomorrow but I doubt anyone can help but I need someone to help because my PTSD has messed my life up in multiple areas and I need help with it. How do I stop flashbacks or crippling thoughts of pain that I experienced? How do I put this in the past and leave it there? I mean I’ve accepted the reality of the situation that people do stupid shit that leads to other people getting hurt and the dumbass people are immune to prosecution because they have a family or friends in law enforcement and unfortunately law enforcement controls the narrative of an investigation and apparently they can just choose to not confess the reality of a crime, when they are held to a higher standard! Clearly the justice system is broken for multiple reasons but this experience affected me to the point of changing my career path to being a politician or legislator so I can enact laws and regulations that eliminate biased cops from a potentially bias situation. I would also make them take an ethics course yearly because no cop should be unethical no matter the situation. I have so many emotions running through that I can’t stop thinking about it and I want to!",3 "Work as a groundskeeper making only about $12.50 an hour. I actually feel proud of myself for having a job and being motivated enough to go to the gym everyday etc, but still feel like my life is a mess. I've gotten too comfortable in my current situation and haven't really done enough to progress myself. One of my biggest issues is not being able to drive and I think I may have ADHD and maybe even some mild autism. Suffering from anxiety atm because of how I feel about myself although I probably shouldn't feel that bad because at least I'm working. I want to maybe go back to school but want to see how the driving thing will play out. If I can't drive that is gonna be a huge obstacle.",2 "My boyfriend has deployed twice. I was raped by my partner (at the time, not my current boyfriend,) kept the baby and tried to stay until the police came one too many times and threatened to call CPS if I didn't remove my child from his house ASAP. SD wasn't involved and eventually died. His family has used the court system to harass me for years since. Anyway, I was upset and talking to my boyfriend about it and he said I chose this. I didn't choose to be raped. I chose to keep my child and do what I thought was the right thing. I didn't choose the life sentence of harassment and abuse from my ex and his family ever since. My boyfriend constantly tells me to suck it up because ""at least I've never been to war."" This makes me feel like he is a true sociopath and I should block his number and never look back. Someone please tell me I'm not crazy for thinking that my PTSD is just as significant as his.",3 "Jeez, I'm in a weird position in life right now. I do homework 7 days a week - at least 7 hours a day (often up to 14/day on Sunday) - on top of 7-hour school days. Do the math and that's 91-hour ""work weeks"" of being useless, getting lost in thoughts, and trying to keep myself half-satisfied with life. Right now, in about four minutes, I will be expected to walk my laptop and notebook into the family office room - and stay there from 5:00 to around midnight. In that time, I will finish (if I'm lucky) 30% of my homework. Then, from 12:00 to 1:30, I'll fall into a rabbit hole of dumb thoughts like, ""Ok ok ok ok ok ok -- THIS is what you've been working for! This is your free time! Can you believe it?! Ok, use it wisely! How will you make these 90 minutes meaningful?? Come on, come ON - if you go to sleep without doing something fun, it will all be for nothing!!"" Then, inevitably, I end up spending 10 or 15 minutes doing something that genuinely makes me happy - and sleep for four and a half or five hours - only to wake up and go back to school. As a useless, miserable dumbass. And then on Friday, I fall back into the ""do something fun!!!!"" rabbit hole - only to waste the entire evening half-happy, desperately trying to latch onto the free time I have and miserably failing to unwind. There has to be a way out! I can't live like this - but I feel like I have to prove to my parents that I'm trying. I want them to feel proud of - at the very least - my desperate, futile effort to keep my grades half-okay. I have to keep fighting because I'll graduate in a year and a half - and then maybe I'll be happy. Will I get diagnosed before that - after that - in a year or in three years?? I just feel so much weight and baggage that I CONSTANTLY have to carry. I'm not constantly angry - but those feelings of worthlessness pop up dozens of times a day. And my parents interpret those feelings as ""anxiety"" instead of ADD - which annoys the hell out of me. Well, it's 5:17 now. There goes my ""unwinding"".",0 When my stomach isn't twisting and turning and I'm not online or busy I usually play guitar. I've only been playing it for a few weeks but it's something that helps me that isn't just fiction as an escape. What else is fun in life? I just want to know some other hobbies maybe I can enjoy to think I'm doing something useful,2 "I feel like this nightmare just won’t end. Whenever I start to get over this I feel like my mind throws something new at me. I was sexually abused by a guy five months ago. But now I’m wondering if I was the abuser or if I’m having a huge OCD attack (22F). (FOR THOSE WHO KNOW THE STORY YOU CAN SKIP TO THE ASTERIXES) My highschool crush swiped me on a dating app. I was over the moon. I told him before even meeting him that I wanted to “get up to no good” with him (I wanted to hookup). Something that I ignored was that he was always drinking, and I had to make an excuse that I had a medical issue to stop him from making me feel bad about the fact that I didn’t drink. We hooked up but didn’t go all the way (he was drunk on this night too). I told him that I was a virgin and he was shocked but really understanding. He gave me a pep talk about how girls get very emotional and I need to sort that out before I do anything with him. I thought I had found the person I wanted to do it with. I was wrong. As things progressed his behaviour changed. He ignored pictures that I would send him which he would usually compliment me for. He stopped messaging me at civil timings and only called me at 3am, sometimes apologising for ignoring me and begging me to come see him. I would usually say no but my insecurity about being a virgin got the best of me. The night that we went all the way he behaved like a completely different person. He threw the condom at me when I asked him to find one. He was critical and dominant. He was very drunk and being mean. He put me in positions that were really painful. He barely cared about my pain. He refused to go down on me when I asked him to and said he only did it to partners which left me feeling worthless. I didn’t ask again after he said he won’t go down on me. But I was really hurt especially because he didn’t tell me beforehand that he doesn’t do this and I had been going down on him the entire time. I tried to pretend like nothing happened but I’m lowkey insane now because of this experience. I’m on antidepressants and going through trauma counselling. I’ve blocked him. But now I regret it big time. I want my virginity back. I feel damaged and ruined. **** Now I’m wondering- am I the abuser? I was 100% sober (I wasn’t drinking at all) every time I saw him. I only gave him consent saying “yeah” when he asked me if I “wanted him to fuck me” and if “I was sure”? Something that I ignored was that he was always drinking, and I had to make an excuse that I had a medical issue to stop him from making me feel bad about the fact that I didn’t drink. Should I have asked him for consent as well before we did anything? I thought it was a yes from him since he was the one who asked me? In fact, should I have even hooked up with him on any occasion if I knew that he was constantly drunk every single time I saw him which made him incapable of giving consent? Also the night that we had sex he told me to “calm down” twice when I tried to take his shirt off. I was just being passionate by trying to get it off but I didn’t force him and I let him take the lead because I just thought maybe he wanted to be in control and didn’t like that I initiated hooking up or that I was taking control. I let him do whatever he wanted after this and I listened to him. He took things further and he made me undress so I’m kind of confused like did he want me or not? I’m wondering did he say “calm down” because I was making him uncomfortable and he didn’t want to have sex? I feel horrible. I want to unblock him and apologise to him for taking advantage of him. In fact I’ll even let him do whatever he wants to me because I deserve it for using and abusing him. My mind keeps saying that I assaulted someone during my first time and that I don’t deserve to be here. Have I raped this man? He’s also 22 just FYI- but he’s older than me. EDIT: I’ve just unblocked him but I haven’t contacted him yet. I want to die I feel like this is all my fault.",1 "I've been at a new job for several months now. I have ASD, Generalized Anxiety, Depression, and Cyclothymia. Because of the size of the workforce, it's harder to get to know people. Masking (not the COVID kind) takes too much energy to be worth it, and I end up feeling like a shell of a person. I like to be social, but too often get patronized when people sense something is slightly off. Letting people think I'm weird seems almost preferable to telling them about my ASD (it feels too personal to share, and assumptions get drawn). Wondering if it's my workplace or just working in general that is the root of the issue, and how to work on it.",3 I've seriously been laughing at [this animated story](https://youtu.be/_wzGjwqU6BY) about an autistic child for 15 minutes. It feels like I should be offended but I'm really not.,3 "I’m feel like I don’t have a right to post this, judging by the fact that my life situation is already a lot better than others in the society I’m a relatively top student in high school currently, not very much failing in grades and stuff. Its just that, I’m still exhausted in many ways Currently dealing with a friend that suffers from depression from much higher degrees than me. Trying to be as supportive as possible but its starting to feel like I’m tearing myself apart in the process. I’m aware there’s something called compassion fatigue, and i know I’m currently suffering from it. But that guilt of leaving him to another person completely overtakes the pain it feels to be consistently helping him. It feels like I’m always not doing enough for him. It doesn’t help that i have my own version of high-functioning depression as well The thoughts won’t stop. The dread, the feeling of hopelessness and that lingering void inside has completely taken a toll on me. The emptiness just keeps coming back, even when its during one of the more happier and calmer days. I could still function normally in my life as of now, its just that these sort of feelings still linger at the back of my head, waiting to bite me back as soon as i feel even slightly better. Is growing numb of these feelings normal? I don’t think i should if i want to keep my facade of acting as if nothing is wrong. Even though I’m tired of it, I don’t think I could survive without masking. To my friends I sometimes is regarded as having a sort if carefree sort of personality. Its such a joke on my behalf, as I’m merely a deceptive fraud hiding behind a veil anyways. I just.. can’t deal with everything like this.. Sometimes i could sleep for 14 hours straight just want to be done with all of this shit. I’m so tired of everything. Its a selfish and unrealistic thought, but if i am allowed to erase my entire existence, i would definitely do so, not that anyone would mind at all anyways. Sorry for my trash English, non-native speaker here so yeah..",2 "I’ve been on vyvanse ever since I got diagnosed in April of this year. At first my doctor started me at 10mg which I didn’t see a problem with at the time because obviously I didn’t know much about adhd and medications and all. I spoke to a friend who also has adhd and they were shocked when I mentioned my dosage. Fast forward I went back home over the summer to my family doctor and she told me that she usually starts children on 10mg (I am a 20 year old). I was upset when I found out about all of this because we all know medication is expensive (I’m in Canada) and I didn’t have insurance when I first started because of some other complications I had with the doctor who originally diagnosed and prescribed me. I was in a very hard pace financially and even had to chose between getting my medication and paying for a document I needed from my doctor in order to get health coverage. Now fast forward again to present day I’m seeing the OG doctor, my dose is 50mg but I feel that it’s not quite enough but I don’t know how to conceptualize what a normal dosage would be. I don’t want to keep on asking for more and more every time because honestly I’m so tired of dealing with this doctor. Each time I request and pay for a document that needs to be competed by him for school he sends them back empty and I have to message him and wait on him to send them completed). I have a phone appointment with him tomorrow and asking him for a higher dose feels kind of wrong like I’m going to get in trouble since I know so many people abuse these substances. I also don’t feel comfortable asking him these questions because I fear I might lose access to medication if it’s interpreted the wrong way. Can anyone help me? Is 50mg normal?",0 "Hi everyone. This is probably the last topic I'll ever make on reddit. I just found out this sub and wanted to let yall guys know that I'll be 22 this December and ever since I was 17 I've been battling depression. My mother left me as I was 4 years old in my grandmothers house, I was russian, my whole other family except from my mother were Lithuanians, up to 4 I was living in Russia and only speaking Russian. Anyway, she left me, I never ever saw or heard anything from her again, I had to learn a whole new language at the age of 4 as none of my family was speaking russian. Up to the age of about 10-13 I was questioning if my family is actually my biological family as I have never seen any proof, they all had different surnames aswell, the only proof I had is their words. I was bullied in schools because I never brushed my teeth, I was lazy to clean my ass, I was taking showers maybe twice a month, all because I wasn't told I am supposed to do those things, I was being laughed at because of my Russian surname, I was doing bad at school, I was being taken advantage of. The first time I grew a mustache and the hair started growing in other areas I was panicking as to how to get rid of it, all because I had no father to teach me about those things. My father was in Spain, and would only come over during christmas for 2 weeks, while he's in Spain we used to speak through Skype every once a month/two. I never had a son & dad connection with him and sadly to this day I still don't. I can see he's trying and he's pushing himself out of the way to take care of me, make me laugh, make me feel comfortable and successful in life, but for whatever reason all of this care and love bounces of the invisible 'shield' that I have around me. ​ My grandmother was like a mother to me, we were never rich and were living of her pension which was around 300eur/month if I recall correctly. We would never have fancy stuff in our home, back in 2017 we still had one of those fat cube shaped tvs from early 2000's. Our food mostly consisted of sausages, rice, eggs. Despite everything, she still kept buying me snacks that I wanted such as crisps, sweets, etc. Just to give you an idea of how much I valued a bag of crisps: I still remember the day (probably I was 15 around then) when we were walking from the shop and I was carrying our groceries bag in one hand and had a bag of 2 euro crisps in another, as I was eating them my hand slipped and half of the crisps fell to the ground. She wasn't mad, I said sorry and it felt like I dropped something worth thousands of euros. Everytime I wanted a tea or a slice of bread I would have to go ask her if I can get it and I was told no many times, as a kid back then and I was cursing her in my mind and couldn't understand why (which I do now..) so I would sneak during nights to the kitchen to steal a slice of bread, would put it into microwave and eat it alone without any toppings, that, was equavilent (sorry, don't know how to spell this word) as a candy to me. Sadly, she had cancer aswell as diabetic and many other problems. I didn't understand the seriousness of those ilnesess back then wasn't concerned about it until she passed away in 2017.. That is when my life changed. As I was 17 I had to change city, drop out of school, leave the very few friends that I had and move to a whole new city, whole new school. In the new city I was doing much better, no one knew my past, no one bullied me, I made new friends, heck, against all odds I found a gilfriend! those were the best days to me, having a girlfriend I for the first time ever experienced a feeling such as love (I never ever felt that I love anyone, even my own family..) I was as happy as I can get, I was dreaming of our life together and at the age of 17 was already planning things such as getting our own flat, living together, having a family.. However, I loved her that much that I started skipping school lessons just to see her, just to be with her, I wanted to make her feel comfortable when we were going to cafe with our friends by buying her a milkshake or whatever else she wanted so I started scamming people online for money. First I was scamming for small amounts such as 5-20 euro on facebook, but soon enough that grew to scamming people out of hundrends sometimes even their phones. I was so lost into scamming I went as far as scamming 5-10 people A DAY and started gaining 'publicity' on facebook, people started contacting my family, posting about me in the group dedicated to the city I live. My aunt which I was staying with after the death of my grandmother was a respectable woman, she had a very good career and was very smart woman so obviously I was damaging her name and career with all the shit I was doing. Despite everything she still tried to 'fix' me and kept me for as long as I can all for nothing as I didn't changed and kept doing what I was doing. Soon enough I also developed a habit of drinking with my friends, I was drinking every day and would come back drunk with a smell, her boyfriend would always catch me and I put them in such situation where she wanted to divorce her boyfriend as he was against me living in their home while she wanted me to stay. Thank god they reached a decision to send me to my father which was in Northern Ireland (I'm saying thank God, because this decision saved their marriage) and so, my next step in life has begun. Once again, a new life, new city, no more friends. I lost my girlfriend as soon as I flew out because my friends snitched on me for all the shit I was doing behind her back (scamming people to keep her happy and all that), I felt lowest I ever did in my life. I am supposed to continue this as theres a lot more to tell.. however, I don't have the strenght anymore, I am crying as I am writing this. All I wanted to say, is that I feel disgraced by myself that I never valued my grandmother as much as I should of. I am disgraced that I kept letting my dad and my aunt down. I am disgraced at myself for being a failure in this life, this is not why my grandmother raised me, this is not what she hoped I would become as an adult. As of tomorrow I am putting myself in prison, I'll ring the police and will say there's a bomb planted somwhere, I will disagree to get solicitor and will try to get as much prison time as I can get. I can't cope with this life anymore, I can't live in a body what wants to survive with a mind that wants to die.",2 "Whenever I see Redditors arguing or ranting over inconsequential bulllshit, I think to myself “Jesus Christ why are people so fucking autistic”. Even though I probably shouldn’t think this way. Maybe I dislike seeing myself in other people",3 "I’m so anxious I tried resetting the router but nothing helped. Please help me calm down.. I have 10 gb on my phone to use untill this is resolve. Is that ok?!?",3 "When I was a kid I was loud and annoying, I was always saying and doing the wrong thing and always got in trouble for it. I quickly learned to hide that part of myself, but I took it too far the other way. I became quiet and reserved, I barely ever said anything for fear of saying the wrong thing. That's how I've stayed because it's worked, I've stayed out of trouble and done mostly okay. I'm not completely happy with who I am though. I don't want to be quiet and reserved, I want to be outspoken but these habits are so ingrained in me now I don't know how to undo it. I'm also scared that I'd take it too far the other way again and once again become loud and annoying, I don't know how to find that middle ground. The biggest thing that upsets me is that I don't really feel passionate about anything anymore. When I was a kid I remember talking people's ears off about things I was passionate about. I was told that it was annoying, or I learned that people don't care about these things as much as I did. Again I learned not to talk to people about my passions, and eventually I guess I convinced myself that my passions were stupid and unimportant. I took it so far the other way that I don't really feel passionate about anything at all any more, I don't even remember what I was so passionate about. I feel like I've become a boring person, with no passion or energy in my life anymore. I don't care what other people think about me any more, I'm an adult now, if they don't like it that's their problem not mine. I don't know how to become that person again and get that passion back, I've hidden it from myself for so long I don't even know what it is or what it feels like. I tried to mould myself into the person that other people said I should be, I failed by taking it too far the other way and now i feel stuck as that person.",3 "So where do I start, I'll try and keep it brief and explain how all this happened. My whole life was a bit of a mess, I had all sorts of trauma from before I met my ex that were beginning to wear me down.. however you could say that my ex ""saved me"". She (lets call her Jane) was the first person that I opened up to about all kinds of terrible stuff including childhood sexual harassment and all sorts of violent trauma I experienced but also neglect and abandonment from loved ones (at this point, I had not been diagnosed with PTSD but didn't really have all the symptoms).. You see hers the kicker, I met my ex online, and she lived a continent away.. not something I wanted to get involved with but from the getgo it felt like we were already longtime friends and it just felt incredibly natural for us to be romantic. Luckily one thing I got going for me is that I have a low stress job with lots of money and leave, so I pulled the trigger on going to see her after video calling for nearly 2 hours every night (roughly) for 7 months. There were two 3 week trips. spaced 3 months apart. Last one was in August. I had some sort of clues that Jane might not have been stable (she said random nonsensical things sometimes as if her personality had changed), but I did voice those concerns, and I didn't expect anything extreme at all. Jane was extremely good at hiding her mental instability from everyone around her even from herself. After our first trip things started to go bad for Jane and there were signs she started to become more unhinged and dissociative, but at the time I interpreted that as her emotionally withdrawing from the relationship or becoming depressed. I tried to get her to open up to no avail and settled on trying again when I went to go see her again. These were the things happening to Jane seemingly causing her to become unhinged, some known and unknown to me at the time \-Both Jane's parents developed medical conditions that were potentially life threatening (known) \-Janes only other sister took a bunch of her moms money and fucked off to another country (known) \-Jane was expected to take care of her parents and it was causing her enormous stress (known) \-Jane has an insane amount of chronic pain (known) \-Jane was busy round the clock with uni (before dropping out) and work (known), even though her parents offered her sufficient money to stop working so she could focus on her studies (unknown) \-Jane's university informed her that she would have an additional 1 year of studies, prolonging our long distance relationship an additional year, and I had told her before I would not want to go that long before (unknown, kept it secret until she couldn't) \-Janes boss had been violent with her and she quit her job and dropped out of uni, prolonging her education even longer (unknown to me! Really she was good at hiding stuff!) She just told me she had a burnout. Not the violence stuff \-Jane dropped her entire social life and hobbies to find a new job, worked nonstop to be able to save up enough money to afford our trips together even though I insisted I can pay (and her parents too), basically stayed in her bedroom/work for 3 months (kinda known but I didn't know how bad it was) \-Jane was a repeat childhood sexual abuse survivor and likely has a dissociative disorder (unknown!) .. So yeah, on our 2nd trip to put it briefly went well but at the end of it, she completely lost it. I started questioning her dissociative behaviours and suspicions about her sexual issues when we were both really drunk (having no idea what I was getting into) and she went into a full dissociative state started thinking I was her abuser. She fought me tooth and nail for 2 hours trying to jump off a 20 floor balcony in her home country. She violently attacked me thinking I was a rapist or something but also just sorta because. I called the police and her parents over and LUCKILY they believed me and once Jane snapped out of it she admitted everything exactly as it happened, even her abuse. She went and got mental help and I dumped her because she almost completely fucked my whole life up and had she jumped I would have gone to jail because no one would have believed my story (she never had an episode like this and appeared quite mentally stable to everyone). She agreed she was too unstable for a relationship and was devastated by that evening, and promised to get help but said she'd ""let me go as an act of love"". I have since been diagnosed with PTSD and have weekly psych visits but I'm managing it quite well and getting over it, but seeing her pictures still triggers me 50% of the time. Jane WAS so good to me up until that point and even though she was unstable loved me a lot. I don't want to be back with her but it's my birthday soon and theres a chance shell reach out to me. I can't bring myself to block her but I'm worried we will have a destabilizing effect on each other. There is 0 chance of us getting back together and I won't even entertain the idea until at least a couple of years has past. But idk, what do I do if she reaches out? It's a question that scares me because I'm afraid she's just too mentally unstable and might become obsessed with me or something. Or pretend she's 100% ok and want to get back together, or maybe she is getting better. How do I maintain boundaries with someone like that? what sort of boundaries should I make? ofc these are discussions i've also had with my psych, who's said its best not to talk to her for now, but like I said I can't bring myself to cut Jane off entirely (block her). I want to say that Janes behaviour did not seem manipulative at all (her behaviour wasn't a bluff or cry for help, she legit wanted to die), she genuinely seems to be a victim of her trauma and intsense mental instability. Her family and friends are supporting her now but they told me they would have never believed it had they not seen her behaviour.",3 "So. I'm 31 with no career (I just teach online ), no boyfriend, few friends & living with my mom who is recovering from cancer. Over the last years I've been trying to change my life. I've dated, travelled, got on meds, got a new job, wrote a book... And I'm tired. I'm either numb or sad. Question is, is life really worth it?",2 "The trauma I had as a child was traumatic for me ""because of my autism"" ( I was sexually assaulted by a child when I was 6 ) and ""wouldn't be normally traumatic to others."" She said that I don't need therapist that specializes around posttraumatic stress, I just need a therapist that specializes around autism. I wanted to ask her if there's any chance of me having PTSD ( I made a big research about it and I suspect that there's a big possibility, but I don't want to self-diagnose ) but after what she said, I felt so ashamed of myself to even THINK that I could have PTSD because it wouldn't be traumatic if I was NEUROTYPICAL..? Even though a psychologist told me after just one session ""you need therapy that specializes around posttraumatic stress. From what you said to me, maybe you really could have PTSD."" When I asked her what are my diagnoses, she just said ""Asperger's and depression"" and completely ignored the diagnoses I got from when I was at a mental hospital ( before I started visiting her ) which one of them is Social Phobia and I still feel like I have it. The only diagnosis from that time she said was actually a misdiagnosis was Schizotypal Personality Disorder because I actually have autism, not a fuckin personality disorder where a person experiences hallucinations, delusions and they act really weird. I'm not saying that she's a bad doctor, but I just needed to vent a bit and ask if this stuff is actually possible or something.. Thanks for coming to my VENT Talk. UPDATE: I just told my parents how I and *other people* think that my psychiatrist may not be the best one and I asked them if they could ask my psychiatrist in the next session if there is any possibility of me having PTSD and if we can do the posttraumatic stress specialized therapy instead of the autism one. They were thankful that I told them about it and that it's okay to feel the way I feel. Thank you, mom and dad.. And thank you all for helping me tell my parents about this problem, because without you and another close friend of mine, I wouldn't be able to tell them about it.",3 "Hello everybody, My 18 year old son has aspergers and wants to get his driver's license. I honestly would love him to get i. But I have a few concerns about some of his abilities and how he reacts to things. One of the biggest concerns is situation awareness. He is pretty bad at not paying attention to what is going on around him. Just recently he was on an electric scooter in a mobile home park. While riding he was basically weaving through the whole road way and blew through stop signs and unaware of a car behind him that was trying to go around. Another time he walked infront of a car trying to turn into a parking lot. He also gets upset at times when people do stuff the wrong way or go out of turn which at times make him lose focus. So my questions is what worked to help you over come some of these hurdles if you had them.",3 "I feel so bad for it. I end up snapping every so often at my boyfriend, or just... getting in a really sh\*tty mood at even the mention of porn positivity (like consuming porn or talking about people enjoying it.. things like that) I just get so uncomfortable. I was groomed with porn both 3D and 2D. After it when I was much younger I made porn my entire personality in hopes to receive the attention I craved and was molded into liking. I get really uncomfortable at movie scenes too but not nearly as bad, but still there. It doesn't help that lots of porn sites ESPECIALLY PORN HUB knowingly have CP on their sites or other really really gross stuff. People call me a prude or get all huffy when I try to explain how my reaction to it is like ""ew ew ew please stop."" I hate it ..",3 "Hi guys first post here as I need to talk to somebody or even just here my own words as I type this out. I'm too ashamed to open up to my girlfriend as my thoughts are so unbearable and disgusting.i know I'm a kind and caring person and a gentle soul so why do I think like a monster. I bless myself secretly as my compulsion but hide it pretending I'm rubbing my forehead.im not really religious but I'm very philosophical and open minded. I don't sleep properly. Im terrified of death and violence. I know I'm a nice person but I have disgusting thoughts about harming people and sexual thoughts which I can't even tell my psychiatrist about. I am the complete opposite to the way I think and would never hurt a fly or be mean to anybody.its getting too much and I feel like a prisoner trapped in a prison which I created for myself. Any advice would be appreciated",1 "I posted about this before but it still hits me! I know my mom goes about how the divorce of her and my dad, and my dad going into the military and over seas and medical trauma is why I have my ptsd that was diagnosied. But I have no idea of medical trauma at all, because everytime I go now im always like hell yeah! Shots!! But it apparently caused me to always panic in large groups and I don't know why?!! I was always put to sleep when I was on medication in hospitals because I was always constantly at them but there is nothing I can remember because I was so little. But thats all that could ever be seen as bad. Sure grooming online, but that's online how can that cause me so much issues? It would be stupid I hate that I engaged in the mlp, and creepy pasta fandom when I was like 7 and both the horror side, nsfw side, and normal side of it but its not like it was terrifying. Sure I show signs of what seems like csa and just ca based on like videos I've seen but idk I don't remember any of it so it hasn't happened to me?? I think its stupid if rhe internet made me scared of being by myself, strangers, or anything because its not like rhe internet can make me think ppl are going to hurt me lol Why can't I remember shit so I don't feel like im repressing anything so I can just get over it But like knowing all this just makes me feel stupid why do I have ptsd because of this I don't feel like my diagnosis is vaild and its all stupid Im not worthy to have ptsd I've haven't gone through anything horrible compared to everyone else I feel like maybe im just a senstive autistic baby and that I let dumb things effect me I hate repressed memorys I just wanna remember shit But honestly if I cant remember anything and maybe im just overthinking it im just going to assume that I don't have ptsd despite my diagnosis and im just senstive as hell and everything is wrong If something bad happened severely I should remember so if I didn't remember anything at all that means nothing is wrong and its all stupid nonsense and im senstive",3 So there is shit legions of shit that I never knew was problematic until fairly recently when I got well what I'd describe as functional brain damage. Difficulty functioning...memory loss... the emergence of bad memories and an inability to function normally or do life stuff. I'm not that old but I feel really tired. This should be the beginning of my adventure but it pretty much feels like the end. I said something today after getting yelled at and then everyone yelled at everyone...my fault I guess never say anything. The therapy shit doesn't help. Scented candles don't fix the damage. I can smile all day and wave at everyone because I like everyone and believe in doing the right thing. At a fundamental level though...it doesn't matter.,3 "I am too anxious and depressed to work. I struggle to hold a simple conversation and can barely focus on anything. I’ve been living off the system and barely get by, I mean really I am so broke but I can’t bring myself to work. It seems nearly impossible for me. I feel pathetic and useless and am so lonely. I do nothing but drive around all day and spend time with my dog who is the only other soul on earth I can really bond with. Can anyone give me any advice? Can anyone relate?",2 "It feels like a real life jumpscare to me. I have a huge problem of talking to people in general. Offline, as well as online. Don't get me wrong; I can very well argue with people on social media, but everything that goes above it is my personal kyroptnite. However, nothing is as worse at people approaching me out of the blue. To me, it is like a form of sensory overload, when someone that I don't know takes on contact with me. It makes me panic, because I didn't have enough time to inspect the person's existence -how do they look, how to they act, is there something suspicious about their behaviour? I often tend to be very airheaded with my surroundings, so you're also wrecking my train of thought. Till now, this had created a bunch of awkward moments for me. You see, as much as I don't want strangers randomly talk to me...as much do I apparently have one of those invisible signs above my head, spelling exactly that. In conclusion, I have a lot of awkward stories of people trying to approach me. One very recent example: So, I've been playing this MMORPG for a while. Which, yes, includes socialising as an aspect -I'm very aware of that irony. However, I still manage to play it without needing other players -even taking on dungeons on my own. Yesterday, I'm standing with my character in the...what you could call capital of the game, fishing. I'm a low level character, surrounded by highlevel characters in a game. I see a lower level character run past me asking how to get to a certain place in the capital. I ignore it, because 1.) I am busy trying to understand fishing and 2.) another player will surley answer it. The player asks again. I ignore it. They turn around, and put themselves directly in front of me, saying my character's name. I'm startled as fuck, quit my fishing, hastly pull up the chat (accidentally opening other ingame taps while clicking) and start asking questions, because I have no fucking idea why she can't get it. Luckily, another player sees this and helps her get where she wants. Later I'm in an area where I run into a very high-level player. They stop in front of me and say ""hey"". I say ""hey"" back and wait, because I wonder if they want something of me. They just...stare at me. I'm getting really uncomfortable and start slowly inching away, till I turn around and run into another direction. I don't stop till I end up hiding in my character's room where the player can't catch up to me. God...I wish there would be an ingame & RL form of announcement that someone will ask for your advice / help /whatever 5min before it's happening. Would save me lots of heartattacks",3 "I have been in and out of therapy for the last 10 years, as needed. I grew up in an abusive home and once I found the right therapy, I made a LOT of progress and many areas of my life improved. Two years ago I had two back to back traumatic incidents. I was drugged and raped, and after this happened I decided I needed to go live at home for a while. I moved back in with my mother and her husband, and lived through 6 months of suicide threats, cops being called, furniture being thrown, etc. I have seen a lot of things growing up with my mom-- NONE of them was this bad. I was experiencing insomnia, terror, flashbacks, anxiety attacks, and chronic pain, so my doctor diagnosed me with PTSD. Those big symptoms I was able to conquer. I get flashbacks occasionally and have anxiety, but the worst is over. What I'm dealing with now is the emotional side. I can TELL you any intimate story from my life, but I cannot actually connect with you emotionally. My biggest issue is that I am very ready to date again, but I feel nothing toward anyone. I can go out with an attractive guy and have an amazing date, and still think ""eh, but do I like him?"". Over time I can feel love, but that's after forcing myself to see the relationship through. When I'm with someone, I feel like I'm playing a role. You have to be a little naive to fall for someone-- I can't get myself there. It's all cut and dry and flavourless. This has made me great at telling the wrong people ""no"", but when I meet the right people, I feel literally have to tell myself mentally ""this is good"" as opposed to feeling anything good. I don't have the money to go to therapy anymore, and honestly the last time I went I was disappointed. I have been through SO much therapy. I know myself really well and I've learned a lot of skills that have helped me stay afloat through all of this. I just feel like there isn't anything new they could tell me to make this go away. Has anyone else been able to get through this on their own? Does it ever get better?",3 "Therapy doesn't work human beings don't value my life when I try my hardest to be a normal person so I'm just going to be the thing that I was conditioned to be. who knows maybe one of these guys will actually have a change of heart and give a crap about me but at least somebody gets to be happy.",3 "Maybe it's just me. 43/f aspie. I've tried so hard to make real connections. I want so bad for someone to love me and care for me and adapt the way I have for them. I give up. I don't think it's ever going to happen. It's breaking my heart. I have to accept this, because it doesn't do any good to keep trying. I haven't a real friend in the world. Just many people I love but will never feel safe opening up to. No one is safe. Everyone will hurt you. No one will ever understand how my brain works. I'm so tired. Thanks, kind strangers, I'll stop my pity party here.",3 "I have flashbacks OCCASIONALLY. Like every few months, but they tend to disable me for a whole day. Also, sex causes flashbacks but they’re not as strong so I can ignore them. I never have nightmares of the trauma, but I do have dreams of the person who assaulted me. I fit other PTSD criteria but these seem to be the main symptoms. I am professionally diagnosed but was wondering if anyone could relate.",3 "In about three weeks I'm going on a two week trip with my best friend and their family for their mom's wedding. I was asked to be a bridesmaid, as I've known them and their family over half my life. The wedding is in the next province over, with a lot of people around. My question is how do I avoid social burnout? I want to go and enjoy myself, but I worry that with all the bridesmaid things I'll be doing, plus we'll be staying with my friends soon to be sister and her family. Their mom is great, but slightly prejudiced about autism and has hinted to my friend that I'm not really autistic (I am). She's never brought it up to me directly, but this means I don't want to have that conversation with her while explaining accommodations I've created for myself. Any tips, tricks, or advice? Thanks in advance.",3 "My PTSD is not combat related. I was almost str*ngled to d**th. I thought I would be fine to do fireworks with my family but the more I was out there, the more anxious and hypersensitive I was getting. To the point that I was shaking every time I heard a loud pop. I didn’t even know this would trigger a reaction, I thought I knew all my triggers. But now I feel unsafe",3 "im not just talking about grades. i mean complete lack of any motivation, crying at the thought of attending, just because everything there is so boring and mind-numbing and under-stimulating. getting the homework done is even harder, because i couldnt care less about what im learning. i just have to do it. studying takes all energy out of me. im struggling a lot here and i need to know if its just me",0 "I’ve been in and out of therapy since I was 14 (25 now), multiple residential inpatient programs that spanned the entirety of 16-18. I feel like I’ve been through every “program” under the sun. I’ve been sober for 5 years. I have a job, family, child, etc. I’ve been on all different kinds of anti-anxiety/depression meds and have been on Zoloft for over a year now. Initial trauma happened when I was 12, and then I was trafficked 14-15, turned to sex work when I left treatment on my 18th birthday. I’ve been out of that lifestyle since I got sober. I still struggle a lot!! It’s so frustrating!! I feel like I have done so much to “help myself” and “better myself” to the point of everything looking normal on the outside. I feel like over made SO much progress but will this ever be done for good?? Any advice? I am open to trying anything! I am continuing therapy, medication, etc. but is there any other tangible solution? I self harmed for the first time in nearly a decade last month...it scared the crap out of me that I could still do that kind of thing to myself. I’m a mom now, I can’t be doing that! It’s like..I still have trouble sleeping at night. I still have those times where I can’t stop picturing terrible things happening to my family. I feel like I’m at a loss! Am I just not working hard enough? I feel so ashamed that I’m still not “recovered” after all this time, especially since I have so many things in my life I am immensely grateful for!",3 "*This is my first ever post and it's long so please bear with me. I really need help the NHS I think is failing him. If I have placed this in the wrong group could you please let me know the correct one.* My father is 74 years old and currently weighs 6 Stone 7lbs, (approx 41kgs) he sits in his lounge all day covered in a blanket staring into space, he doesn't venture out, barely speaks and his meals are milkshakes prescribed by doctors. He looks skeletal. 20 months ago he weighed ten stone 8lbs (approx 67kgs) and was the most active 72 year old I knew. **Some background - 1990**Approximately 30 years ago he suffered a mental health breakdown, he was sectioned and placed in to hospital care. This happened because he became convinced he was dying, it came from nowhere but it progressively got worse. He took over his own breathing, and I mean he manually breathed in and out so was concentrating on it all the time, only if something else was on his mind did he stop this and let his body breathe for itself. This created havoc with his sleeping, activities etc. Anyway after a few weeks in hospital having every test known to man (all came back as nothing found) and a long term prescription of Fluoxetine he came out the other side and was back to his normal self. He stopped the fluoxetine and never had another episode. **April 2020 - Covid Lockdown.**However at the beginning of lockdown he told us that it had reared it's ugly head and it all started again. We all tried our best to help him but to no avail, his doctor wasn't particularly sympathetic and told him to think positive and prescribed him Sertraline. Again he was convinced he was dying and would tell us all these symptoms he was having and telling us what he thought was wrong, lung cancer, heart disease, organ failure etc. Now obviously we knew this was similar to before and that it was psychological and not physical, but to him he was 100% convinced and you could see in his face that he genuinely believed everything that he said to us. This went on for months, with lockdown in place everything was done over the phone and there were no face to face visits. Nothing was changing and I had no faith in the doctor so I contacted the local mental health authority and they got involved. **September 2020**As before he went through all tests and he was placed on various different medications, sadly nothing changed and he was only getting worse, losing weight, not sleeping etc. This time it really had a hold of him. Finally they decided to admit to a mental health hospital, his first 2 weeks he spent in a room alone, as he had to isolate due to covid. My parents have been married 50 years and apart from the first episode in 1990 had not spent any time apart. He made no attempt to contact my mother the entire time he was there even though he had the means, this shocked us to the core. If we contacted him he would find a way to end the call quickly even by lying (nurse has just come in I've got to go, their taking me for a shower etc) which is completely unlike him. This went on until his release in early December. He lost over a stone while he was in there yet we were told he was eating and doing fine. They did find out though that he does have a hiatus hernia. **December 2020**He came home with a cocktail of drugs and I admit he did seem to be in a better place, no longer controlling his breathing and sleeping better but he still wasn't eating very well. This is how he has remained, he appears to be of sound mind but is still adamant that there is an underlying issue and he has continued to lose weight. **November 2020**He is now at his lowest weight and is taking medical milkshakes to try and stop him losing any more weight. I am genuinely scared that this weight loss is going to eventually kill him and I see no light at the end of the tunnel. He still takes a vast amount of medication and I'm convinced that they are not all required and that they may even be making the situation worse, he is due for some more tests next week but I don't think it will change anything. The medications below are what he currently takes, he has suffered with high blood pressure and acid reflux for a few years prior to this episode: **Venlafaxine** \- 150mg Once a day **Mirtazapine** \- 30mg, Once every night **Olanzapine** \- 7.5mg, Once every night **Zopiclone** \- 7.5mg, Once every night **Metoclopramide** \- 10mg, three times a day **Amlodipine** \- 5mg, once a day **Lansoprazole** \- 30mg, Once every morning. We are going out of our minds and don't know what to do, has anybody experienced anything similar? Is it possible this cocktail of medication is slowing down any progress or even contributing to the weight loss and lack of enthusiasm in life generally. Can anybody offer any advice I'm sorry this post is so long",2 "I would disagree with this. Unless there is an ulterior motive (i.e. profit), people who generally seek a self diagnosis are people who just want to better understand themselves. Anecdotally, I'm self diagnosed and the moment I came to the realization marked the very last day of my weekly meltdowns, chronic headaches, and constant fatigue. Analyzing my childhood under the lens of autism made absolutely everything make sense. There are so many resources and I took full advantage of them and began to change my environment to fit my sensory needs and began the process of unmasking which significantly helped my fatigue. These are issues that I had been struggling with my whole life. When I told my family, they agreed it made sense and my mother was astonished to hear that I haven't had a single headache in three months since I realized I was autistic. For comparison, I have experienced headaches 5 days a week ever since I was able to speak, I even went to multiple neurologists and was told they couldn't figure it out, but I did finally. Additionally, if someone is actually autistic, chances are that they're going to research the hECK out of autism until they've exhausted all resources, so it's likely that they would actually have a good grasp of the diagnostic criteria- if not better than most Healthcare providers, particularly if you're a woman or a minority that has lived through enough trauma that social conditioning was the only means of survival. The diagnostic criteria are very crude and written only in the perspective of the pervasive traits that neurotypical people find to be an issue and does not fully grasp what the autistic experience is actually like and how it changes through adulthood. There are so many things I used to do as a child that I have ""learned"" to mask in order to fit in better, especially when you're the only hispanic girl in the grade and you're expected to represent the entire hispanic community to pander to the bigots and be received as a ""model minority"" instead of the ""ghetto latina"". Autism doesn't exist in a bubble, but the DSM-V sure treats it that way. Edit: thank you so much for all your responses, I love having a good discussion. I understand many of the points those against have made especially with people who try to use their diagnostic to gain a certain platform, although I do still agree with others that in general, self diagnosis is a net-positive, especially for older adults, women, minorities, and other groups that are excluded from the DSM-V. I think that based off the criteria alone in the state it's in, self diagnosis is valid, although my opinion is subject to change if the next DSM edition is updated to include more thorough and accurate diagnostic criteria that reflect the experience of being autistic rather than the ""problems"" it creates for non-autistics. I remember when I first saw a psychiatrist for it, she said 20 minutes into the appointment that she didn't believe that the autism diagnosis fit me because I was really well-spoken and was making eye contact. At that point, all she had asked me about was my medical history and family history. I then proceeded to describe every single struggle that I go through and how it relates to the diagnostic criteria. By the end, she changed her mind, but what angered me was that she had already formed a personal opinion on whether or not I had autism by judging me based on the 20 minute interaction without asking anything about my personal life, childhood, or talking to someone that knew me before I learned to mask like my mother. The eye contact thing isn't an end-all be-all and of course I'm going to be well spoken, I'm an adult and language was one of the areas I was ""gifted"" in, considering I knew to read and write in English and Spanish by age two. At least for some more ""uplifting"" news, only one more month until I can finally get a referral to a group of adult autism specialists. Then it's who knows how many more months until that appointment can be scheduled. Of course, if its scheduled too late, then I might not even be able to get the diagnosis because this is my last year on Medicaid and likely won't have the finances next year to seek out a diagnosis. If you can't relate at all, then that's a privilege and it should be acknowledged. Regardless, thank you for the great discussion :)",3 "I know there have been studies that showed that non-stimulants like Wellbutrin can help with ADHD. However, does anyone know if there's any research that compares non-stimulants to stimulants to prove that non-stimulants help on the same level as stimulants? For example what if Wellbutrin does help a little, but not as much as stimulants? Or the opposite. Just curious if anyone has any idea.",0 I obsess over my fears because unconsciously I believe that if I don't then they will come true. Somehow my brain has wired itself to believe it is part of the universe and can control the outcomes of life. Which I know is bunk...but my mind doesn't.,1 "I’m a kind of person, caring a lot about courses in university because I love studying(Hotel Management, head to master). I made a biggest mistake of my life, which made me severe depressed. 4 weeks ago, one of my classmates suggested me to bring an acceptable conference and a power point, focusing on Creativity In Art, or I take the quiz instead of that. I chose quiz since I thought that would be easier than hundreds of hours surfing around the web. Believe or not… Professor gave us 15 questions(only 12 of them were essential) to answer all of that In 15 minutes. I screwed up, and my score was either awful, or painful to watch.I’m feeling I just burned my opportunity… What can I offer to sort this out?",2 "A few days ago I went to my younger cousin's baseball game to watch him play. Due to the pandemic I haven't been out much at all the past year and this year. My social skills have gotten so rusty. Granted they weren't great to begin with. I was sitting outside the field (attempting) to mingle with family members and trying to make conversation, but kept failing. Everyone kept talking over me, not answering my questions, and generally avoiding me. I tried to be a little louder and more direct. I wanted to be included, too. Felt so out of place and anxious. Everyone else was laughing and having a great time. I was sitting in the back behind everyone else awkwardly in a beach chair. It's like I didn't even exist. Long story short, someone finally did speak to me...but they raised their voice and made it clear they would rather be talking to anyone else. It was kind of a patronizing ""yeah yeah, sure. Whatever. Uh huh. CoOl."" without even making eye contact. I eventually gave up, and silently sat and watched the game. My mind started to go to all sorts of dark places. ""I'm an embarrassment to my family."" My heart was racing, tears were whelling up, I wanted to leave so badly. It's illogical looking back, but I was so overwhelmed and overstimulated that I felt like the entire world must think I'm an idiot. I had a mental spiral and my eyes were darting around everywhere and I felt like I lost control. So I was sitting in a chair in the middle of tons of people, silently crying uncontrollably, zoned out, fidgeting, and felt like walls were closing in. When I heard people laughing with friends, I felt like they were laughing at me. They were not, but it felt that way in the moment. It was pure hell. In that moment all reason and logic went out the window. When I'm frenzied like that, all I can think is ""Nobody loves you. You're so weird. They're ashamed of you. You're a waste of space. You will never be okay. I don't deserve a family. They all hate me. Can't function. I should die."" I told myself I had to make myself stay until the game waa over. I made it but the crying continued for about an hour after I made it home. It's so humiliating. I can't believe I did that.",3 "Right now I am speaking with a therapist. I have this sinking feeling they may not be able to help me. I hope the psychiatrist can help, the therapist may be showing signs they may not be the right one, they ask me ""I don't think you need it (you are doing good so far), why do you think you need therapy?"" ""Are you comfortable telling how you feel about me?"" I could not respond to that other than ""thats a good question"". It could they are trying have me assert myself more and figure out more about me. I think they may be the right one because It would not make sense to have intake for nearly two hours and not get the right one, but with everything booked it looks like I'll keep talking to them. It is better than not talking to no one. I have had a series of mental breakdowns in the past two years. I have been trying to find a job since 2018, so far I either have had little luck or felt overwhelmed. I also live in a home with two relatives who can get argumentative at times, I suspect one may have BPD. I notice if I leave the house almost everyday things are calmer. I feel like I have little options. Things sometimes feel overwhelming, though I keep trying, with some effort.",2 "Im battleling HOCD, but now im just scared of POCD, let me rephrase it, i am not scared to be a pedophile, im scared of having POCD..for me it's horrible as OCD is a hardship im just scared that POCD will be 10x worse.. like how my anxiety will shift to POCD since anxiety found a new way to hurt me.. please help ",1 "I've always been the person to help others and push my needs to the side. Helping is what made me happy, and I truly didn't mind. I made a friend about 2.5 years ago, and he was struggling, but also was able to live his life beyond that. One night something happened, and all his part trauma that he repressed came flooding back. I spent a half a year doing anything and everything I could to make him feel comfortable, and to help him work through his issues towards recovery. I even prevented him from killing himself on New Years. We got a place together, and shortly after, he got drunk one night and did something that affected me very heavily. I had previously been diagnosed with a massive depressive disorder, but this event played in my head over and over. I couldn't sleep, eat, I had to leave and going home was a struggle. He truly hurt me. But we cared for each other, and (platonically) loved one another very much. We knew we could work it out, and I could get past it. It's worth noting that we both have abandonment issues, but he's the first person I trusted with my whole. I knew he wouldn't abandon me. And then he did. It was taking me too long to recover. He told me that by me having flashbacks, panic attacks, and needing to spend time away, that it felt like he couldn't live his life. He's progressed amazingly and is finally excited to live and see the future. But he couldn't do that with me around. So I had to move out. It feels selfish, but I struggled so much when I was helping him recover, and it feels like I was just kicked aside. By the person I loved and trusted the most. The only person I truly believe wouldn't do that to me. Any hope I had of wanting to see brighter days is gone. I don't think I'll ever get to experience happiness, and I don't know what to do. The only thing keeping me alive is the thought of my sister and nephew crying, but I don't know how long that can last.",2 "So, I recently found out about how emotional dysregulation is a symptom of ADHD, and the more I read into it, I realized how much I relate to that which brings me to the topic at hand. When I meet a new person I like, the typical ADHD high kicks in. You know which one, the one you get when presented with something you like. Like a person, sport, game, and so on, and your mind go through endless possibilities of how much fun you'll have. I go through that high when I meet someone I like which makes it difficult for me to love them. I don't know what loving someone is anymore because when the high dies out, they just seem like an average person to me. I always wonder whether I actually liked them or they were just a source of dopamine which, I know, makes me seem like a horrible person, but it's out of my control despite how much I try to contain it. I started to realize the pattern and try to mild it down. Does anyone here feel the same? Do you struggle to love someone because your dopamine rush kicks in when you meet someone?",0 "It was the one year anniversary of discovering my partner’s death. I woke up in the morning, fainted, and hit my head really hard and then had a panic attack in front of my boyfriend of 2 months. Just looking for solidarity :(",3 I need to get my depression under control. It controls almost everything in my life and my loved ones and job are suffering for it.,2 My partner noticed that I shake or flap my arms while I'm yawning. I usually only do such blatant stims when very stressed or excited. Is this a thing or am I weird?,3 "So recently I had to move and now I'm living with this family renting my old parents house. although there are plenty of difficulties for me I was doing fine, but what I find annoying and unbearable the most is the fact that they have 3 dogs. They bark so loud, smell bad, are dirty, are aggressive sometimes, make pee and poop everywhere and they always want your attention... Also one of them is like gigantic so that doesn't help at all. I swear, every time they hear a car or even a person walking they bark as noisy and horrible as they can. This could be at any hour, they have woke me up 3 in the morning several times. Does anyone else in here can't stand this characteristics together? I wouldn't say that I hate dogs, because I understand that they are animals and it's in its nature to be like that, but man... I really don't want one near me anytime soon. Pd: They also got a cat and I love him! It's very quiet and small and mysterious",3 "I’m 17, Female My body has been so fatigued for the past few years at this point, and is progressively getting worse. My therapist told me to get a blood test to make sure my iron levels are normal and results came back fine, so now the only link seems to be my depression. But the fatigue is so so bad. I’m currently lying on my bed (its 3pm here) and have had to go to bed by noon almost every day for the past week. I do college lessons online but don’t have the energy to even type. (I mentioned in the comments but thought it may be important to add): sometimes it makes me drop to the floor. Earlier even I was walking and almost collapsed on the floor because my knees buckled. Often when brushing my teeth I drop to the floor because of complete lack of strength in my legs and have to stay there for a while until i regain the energy to get back up. I have to sit on my bath edge to stop this happening. Also when brushing my teeth it feels like I am gasping for air every time I somewhat hold my breathe ?? It’s gotten to the point where breathing feels strenuous. Inhaling feels so tiring and I always exhale really sharply as it feels like I can’t hold the breath longer than a second. Breathing itself feels like a chore. Is there anyone else who feels like this? Do you think it’s related to my depression or something more serious? Thanks :)",2 "The thought of being this way all the way up into old age is the most depressing shit ever...it's fucked lol, that's just torture. So YUP 20.....shit I'm so old now Jesus a couple years ago 25 was my cut off. But hmm 28 it is. That's the one...I keep bumping the numbers up..NO we're not gonna die old lol. Pls god, send death... something quick and painless tho...it has to be me. Just boom and we're out of here..fuck if I survive tho. Yeah just pull the plug..""puuull the pluuggg!""... sorry ik but seriously send me on my way",2 "so you know when you’re playing a video game, stardew valley comes to mind, where you really wanna get max profit and use all the time in your day to be productive with minimal effort or time loss. well i think i do this with my life. if i am not doing *something* i think i’m wasting my time. and usually that something has to be productive like work or cleaning because i feel guilty taking time to myself to do fun stuff. like i’m literally sitting on the couch reading with my cat curled up on my feet and i’m anxious that i’m wasting my time when i don’t think i have anything pressing to do today and also i love my cat and want to spend time with her. does anyone else feel like this?",1 "so I was making some papa Murphy's today and I cooked the cheese bread fine and then put my pizza in a set the timer and when I came back it wasn't done so I added a few minutes, and again, not done so I added more time. anyway it had been in the oven like 15 minutes longer than it said and I was so confused and then I realized that I turned off the oven instead of the timer the first time it went off. 😮‍💨 And then I overcooked it after. Anyway this is why I stick to microwave stuff and sandwiches.... Well my family got a good chuckle.",0 "I feel like I have this massive weight on my shoulders, which consists of everything I have to do and I’m fucking tired. I’ve been depressed for 6 years now and I don’t know what normal feels like anymore. I hate how I have rare moments of optimism about the future and then the next day my brain decides to switch to thinking everything is shit and boring. I’m sick of the notion that you should go to our friends for support when i know there’s nothing they can do and there’s nothing worse than knowing someone pities you. Plus I dont want to be needy. I want to get rid of this loneliness, and I’ve tried to make more friends, but it’s so difficult acting like a normal human being when you don’tfeel normal and every interaction is anxiety provoking. I’ve had to stop clubbing since drinking is involved and nowadays drinking seems to make me suicidal. I’m at the point now where I get anxious about the possibility of being anxious later on. I honestly just wish I could pause the world whenever things get too much. That’s all for now",2 "My whole household have AirPods and I’ve noticed my brother in particularly speaks extremely loudly now. My mom does too. If I take my AirPods out while talking I usually stop mid sentence cause I realise how loud I was speaking. I think that might be the culprit. My brother (also ADHD) is an asshole straight up, and his presence alone agitates us. Every time he speaks, it’s with this sort of aggressive tone, no matter what he’s talking about. My mom 100% matches that energy which makes the whole living room so uncomfortable. I feel like they’re yelling. It’s so loud that I want to scream. I frequently have to ask my mom to turn down the TV too cause it’s SO loud. I don’t know if they’re going deaf cause I’ve personally never had this problem before. I always ask politely “can you please lower your voice?” And it’s always met with “NO? There needs to be space for everyone here.” Everyone except me I guess. I always have to leave the room, because otherwise I’ll start screaming. I literally plug my ears around them when they’re talking to each other. I can’t figure out if I’m the problem. I was only just diagnosed with ADHD and I guess it could be that. I also can’t figure out if I’m selfish when I ask them to lower their voices or if they just don’t respect me at all… Thoughts? I’m so close to locking myself in my room again any time I’m home. It’s depressing though and I always end up smoking w33d cause they agitate me so much. I’ve been meaning to quit",0 "I’ve always felt like I have a good one liner or joke right on the tip of my tongue in social situations, but I always miss the timing of it because my brain can’t quite make it click with all the other stuff going on. However, on text and in group chats and things I can usually formulate a witty retort much easier. Not to say I’m Ricky Gervais or something, but I definitely get more laughs over text than IRL. Anyone else find this?",0 "This is a very personal poem that I wrote during my freshman year. This would've been shortly after the events. I haven't looked at or read this poem in years, and I have no desire to with how painful it is. ***I am no Savior*** 17 years nothing has been done the evil she stirs is paradoxical. Hope itself has lost its way,now it's only begging for a flee. No hope is no point on continuing this mission to better lives of dozens and to destroy the lives of dozens along with it. Now is the meaning of life or death immolation only to end her sick sick game. She is a fraudulent not a human but a monster only in for its own gain. Good and evil in the world is a one sided topic like the press but I know the truth it causes unbearable pain for any man. The dawning time is approaching may god have mercy on my soul for thee actions i’ll commit. Her sick sick game needs to end she’s a fraudulent,scum,a disgrace on this world. Most of everything was kept in the realm of secrecy many lies were told to protect a soul of innocence. By the dawning time a plan will commence but it's no savior but otherwise a destroyer. The fallout will engross her wretched soul embedding itself into her bones leaving a chill that she can't taste. Her little empire will become those of the fallen her glistening tower becomes nothing but the dirt under my shoe I am no savior. I am no savior but justice will be served by dusk peace for a lost soul and hope for a soul of innocence.Thee one who committed these crimes is the one who supposed to bring love my own mother.",3 "I am having this experience so bad for last 7-8 months that i can’t focus on anything that is good for me. I get this when travelling in train or driving especially alone. its like i have become helpless. please share any insights. thanks. have a good day.",3 "Lately I've been dealing with feelings of isolation and self ostracism because of something that happened recently that caused me to self reflect and realise a major aspect of myself. The story, I have aspergers syndrome and through my life I have never been able to show how I feel, and often I dont even feel anything when I should, such as a few years ago when I lowered my grandfather into his resting place and felt nothing. Everyone said i was being so brave and this just upset me because I knew internally that I wasnt being brave, I was indifferent to the entire situation. Fast forward to recently ive been working in my place of work for 4 years now and through it all I've had a single manager. Last week, my manager left the company for greener pastures and at his leaving presentation via zoom I felt a flood of emotion akin to what I imagine I should have felt towards my grandfathers passing. Has anyone else had experiences with a situation like this? Why cant I feel anything towards my own grandfather but I can have a mental breakdown about a guy I barely know leaving the company to a better job. The two shouldnt relate but still I find myself hating myself because I cant experience grief the way others do, it makes me feel like I cant relate to or comfort NTs who have lost someone because fundamentally I dont know how they feel",3 "Im about to move back in with my grandpa soon, and im excited because ill be leaving a toxic situation, but... My older brother lives nearby. And hes caused me so much harm. Hes attempted to get my grandpa arrested for something he didnt do, he exposed me to porn at a young age, he tried to get me to do things that would get me in serious serious trouble, stole from me, and so much more... Im scared if i see him again ill break down. I want to leave my current situation so bad but i dont know if ill be able to considering what could be waiting for me. I especially dont wanna meet his 36 year old methhead girlfriend. She sounds so violent and scary.",3 "So I recently signed up for Cerebral to seek better treatment for ADHD (if anyone has tried this and has input lmk) and went to help my brother sign up, but he’s 17 and you have to be 18 to use their services. He needs treatment badly and his pediatrician didn’t prescribe him medication in the right way when he was younger, so there was a stigma in my family about ADHD meds until I got diagnosed (at 20!). I’m trying to get him the help he needs and was wondering if there are any online services that one has tried that would work for a teen?? We also have Teledoc but I’m not sure how that would work. Any input is helpful!",0 "So I’ve been dealing with Relationship Pure O for the las 5 years. Deathly afraid of being cheated on and always accusing or searching etc.. Anyway hit a real rock bottom a few months ago and needed to try something different. I hadn’t started CBT/ERP yet but I was in the beginning stages of recovery/healing and getting the help needed. Outside of therapy I started to do my own research. What I found was hope. For 3 weeks (1 week ramp up time) I abstained from Alcohol, drugs, gluten. I worked out everyday and got to bed at an early hour so I could get 7.5 to 8 hours sleep. I took probiotics and fish oil and multi vitamins daily. Please take note of what I am about to say 1. I didn’t ruminate in my mind for more than 5-10 seconds at a time, and maybe for a total of 10x each day. Things I would normally repeat in my head back to myself weren’t even coming out fully. I couldn’t finish the sentences. I didn’t know what was going on. (I didn’t need to even mark rumination time in my notebook). The thing didn’t really come out of my backpack. 2. I didn’t search Google one time for anything related to my OCD, not once! 3. I didn’t accuse my GF or ask for any reassurance on anything. 4. I found myself much more clear and remembered what it felt like to be normal. So here is the kicker! Last Friday 1. I drank 9 drinks, 7 which had gluten 2. I didn’t work out for 4 days 3. I ate like crap ( Candy, soda, junk food etc. 4. I only slept for 2 hours on Friday night and had shitty sleep for next two because hangover lasted 2-3 days. (I’m 42) 5. Got in a huge fight with GF about insecure BS 6. Stress levels went through the roof 7. Oh and I started googling again a good amount (I’ve done worse ) My OCD came back with a vengeance on Sunday night and lasted until Tuesday evening. I am calming down now and feeling better. In my mind there is a huge correlation between healthy and unhealthy habits and my OCD. I am back on the healthy wagon and looking to stay there. I will update again in two weeks. My heart goes out to everyone on this SUB We will find a way!",1 "Do you guys ever feel like everything that is happening to you, like the world is begging you to just fucking jump ship, I can’t find a safe home in my own mind let alone my outer world. I feel like every time I feel safe it’s a fascade and I’m left feeling dead. I’m told I’m just doing this to myself but I can’t trust anything I see. Even the people I love that I used to trust. Idk what’s wrong with me.",3 "I enjoy nothing, my only friends moved away when they graduated college, i have ruined every other relationship i have ever had, i have no friends where i live i dont like to do anything i have tried 4 antidepressants and i rly just wish i had the balls to hang myself already",2 "Hi everyone. This is my first post here. So, lack of introduction aside, it's a hard day. In 35m, if that matters. Having to be at a certain place at a certain time is stressful enough, when it's repeated in the form of a schedule it's worse. Having to see people in a professional setting every day is beyond my ability. I've been working in the gig economy to lower my stress the past four years, and any other job I've gotten and tried in that time I've had to quit within a month. The whole entire thing is a trigger for me. It indirectly and directly hits a lot of trigger points for me. I had just about given up on the idea completely, but my medication has been helping a lot lately, so I was feeling kind of positive towards it the past week or two, but the real feelings of the reality of it are hitting me hard right now. I just don't know how to get through my first day, or how to keep going back after that. I just can't take it. I've been getting flash backs all day, hypersensitive, fight it flight mode, angry, frustrated,etc. and just want to break down and cry. I know this isn't normal healthy anxiety. This can't be how everyone feels about everyday parts of life. It's just too much for me though.",3 "I just started my first week of classes and it's setting my recovery back. Last weekend I went on a hike with a friend, and had the first panic attack I've had in a long time. I felt so ashamed. We were getting lunch after out hike and I felt myself getting overwhelmed by the people around us and asked him to get order for us to go and he gave me the keys to his car so I could sit there and try to calm down. I wound up sobbing uncontrollably while I waited there for him. How many more spoiled days will I have? I felt so embarrassed, even though he said he was fine with eating in the car. I feel like I'm not a worthwhile person to be around. This is all coming up because I'm so nervous and anxious about school. I was so excited to embark on a new chapter in my life and have a goal to work towards, but now the sense of impending doom is taking over. That as soon as I let my guard down and allow myself to be happy something terrible is going to happen. I had to cancel the rest of my weekend plans and spent that time watching tv and playing on my phone. I lied to my friends and said I was working on homework. The truth is, I did have homework I was supposed to have prepared for the first week of class, but I didn't do any of it. I can't concentrate on my readings, and when I can get past the brain fog to sit down and work, the anxiety is so bad I'm afraid to write anything down. Afraid that this will be another disaster or failure. It's becoming a self fulfilling prophesy. I don't know what to do to get through this week. I have assignments due that I'm struggling with already. Assignments that aren't even that hard. I'm starting EMDR with my therapist on Monday, so I hope that will help me chip away at this a little faster, but it feels very hopeless right now. I don't know what else to do. I considered dropping out, but I don't want to give up on myself and let the trauma win. It just makes me feel so lonely that I need to much time to recover from stress that all I have time for is work that stresses me out more. Even time with friends is stressful. I'm so lonely, just sitting in my room trying to work, isolated from society.",3 I am on Effexor & it helps so much with my day to day obsessions. I read an article I shouldn’t have & now I can not stop having intrusive thoughts about this article. How do I make them stop. I’m trying so hard not to act out on compulsions but things like shaking my head & loud breaths are seriously the only thing I can get to make them stop even if it’s only brief. What actually helps? I am sick to my stomach from these thoughts.,1 "I have recently been diagnosed and medicated for adhd but I feel like some of my symptoms are not related solely to the adhd. I know most people with adhd have comorbid psychiatric disorders but I was wondering if anyone had any personal experience with also being diagnosed with something like borderline personality disorder or cyclothymia. I know there is a lot of overlap and grey area so misdiagnosis and things can happen but did it even help getting the other diagnosis? Also I am having a bit of trouble accurately remembering how I thought and behaved prior to medication and earlier in life (I’m early 20s now), I want to provide the right information to my psychiatrist and fear that looking into other mental disorders might make my input biased. Safe to say I am fairly confused. Thanks for any replies, let me know your experiences!",0 "Maybe. Recently she’s been drinking a lot and has been a little distant. She said that she doesn’t really want to go any where or do anything. Then a couple days ago she said that she prefers drinking to take a medicine that she had been prescribed months ago. This was the first time I had ever heard about this medication and she only talked about it because she was blackout drunk. I think that she has depression, but she would never talk to me about it. How can I support her? Is there anything I can do?",2 "She wrote me saying this 8 months after no contact through the mail and just the way she wrote it seems so hurt and pointing blame. Following this will be my side of it and it just makes me so sad because I have CLEAR EXAMPLES of how it was not the case that she wrote. I have been unpacking it once a week in therapy. Dear (x), I found out I was pregnant late January 2020 after we had used protection and I took a Plan-B pill. I told you that I was pregnant immediately when I found out. You instantly freaked out and told me that you did not want to have a child. I asked you why and you said that you had too much going on in your life and listed so many reasons as to why you did not want to have a child. You broke my heart and I felt so rejected by you voicing this objection. After this interaction with my you, I felt extremely alone and did not know what to do. I felt abandoned by you and I felt that I could not rely on you to take care of me and our child. I sunk into a deep depression and anxiety and thought about killing myself multiple times a day. I did not feel like I could take care of a child … I had just been hit by a truck and was still struggling with numerous physical and psychological problems due to the accident. I also had no job, no money, large school debt, and just so many other unstable factors in my life at the time. It was probably one of the most difficult decisions I have ever had to make to terminate the pregnancy and that is something I will always be living with. I had an intentional miscarriage in and I hope to never be in that situation again in my life. I am left feeling hurt, angry, and sad by all of this. Now my part: Before reading this I must say this, it is long but for the purpose of context. I am a caring person and as you read I hope you will know that I tried to do everything with no malicious intent and just no intent for hurt. Yet she doesn't see this and that kills me because she only sees what she interpreted. I am 26 and she is 28. My ex and I were together for 6 years. We almost never fought and honestly barely had any arguments about things, those were usually civil conversations voicing issues or concerns then discussing how we can fix them together or individually. We met in college, moved in together in secret from her parents for 3 years, then moved apart to our parents(only 15 minutes apart) as we finished college. Now for what happened: My ex has a trauma history from her past 2 relationships. Abuse and lying. Neither relationship lasted more then 6 months. This happened when she moved away for college before she met me. She mentioned it to me, and told me how she can find it difficult to trust at times because of this. I always remembered this and made sure to never do anything sexual when we drank because I didnt want her to feel any negative way regarding that. As well, I consistently tried to build that trust and never hurt that trust until this last year. She grew up homeschooled with all of her siblings in a strict household ran by her narcissistic and autistic father. For example, living at home at 28 she still has a curfew otherwise her dad yells at her. She fears her parents and constantly made decisions to make them happy and proud, seeking validation by doing right constantly. An example of this was when she started college it was for a career they suggested. Or she hid us living together for 3 years because her parents believe in marriage first. Her father - he doesnt hold his tongue. One time he threatened to divorce her mom had he not got his way with demanding his daughters boyfriend to leave the house. Being in this environment, she has social anxiety and thus has 0 friends. All the years I was with her she made 3 friends and cut them out within 2-3 hangouts. My ex was diagnosed with CPTSD, depression, anxiety, and that was before we met. Those things all but went away or here I thought the first 5 years. So no issues for 5 years, 6th year we have things happen. I was planning to get engaged in 2021 on our anniversary because we would have had jobs and such, as well she told me I needed to ask her parents and they wanted me to have a career in place to support their daughter. As well, after college (end of 2019) we both moved back to our parents houses as we searched for our first jobs post college. Covid began, making it hard. Traumatic Event: We are now into the beginning of 2020, we find out that she is unexpectedly pregnant. We used birth control but it had failed. She brings out the test and as I wait I am smiling thinking about everything. When she brings them both out they are both positive I hug her and then I begin to have a panic attack. Let me make an important note here, I have had moments of horrible anxiety which she knew about. For example, my dad had a heart attack and my anxiety caused me to have a panic attack. My panic in this moment of the pregnancy is breathing heavy, heart racing, face likely looking panicked, and EXTREMELY intrusive thoughts. I normally have intrusive thoughts as my primary anxiety symptom. These thoughts began to come out, as I explained to her this: ""I am so grateful and happy for this. But I am worried though because neither of us have jobs, we are living at our parents and you dont want to live with me because of your parents, as well your parents are going to be mad at me since this has happened before marriage as you said before how much they value that."" ""I dont know if I am ready to be a father because of all these circumstances."" ""I will be a first year teacher and that will mean I need to work a bunch outside of school to plan lessons and such and I dont want all of the responsibilities to be on you."" ""I just dont feel ready."" ""I grew up poor and I dont want you to ever deal with that."" ""I dont know if I am ready to be a father because of all of these circumstances."" My panic turned into a trance where I thought and voiced ""I just dont know or feel ready to be a father."" She begins to cry, and tells me this is suppose to be a happy moment. I tell her I agree 100%, and I am happy, but we are going to need to figure things out so that we stay happy. I dont want her and I to struggle financially in any way, I grew up poor and thats why I have always pushed myself. Its what motivates me. She agrees but still seems really sad, and she goes home then after this. Texting me how sad she felt because that was suppose to be a happy moment for a couple to experience but my panic attack and anxiety made her feel worried. (As I said nothing I was saying was false during my panic attack, it was all real issues we were facing right then. We didnt have jobs, we didnt live together, we were not engaged, and she was recovering from an accident she was involved in.) She told me she felt worried, and I just told her we need to figure everything out and it will be okay. I also would preface I was saying ""i dont know if I am ready to be a father because.... then listing reasons above (no job, not married, not living together, first year teacher would mean she would need to step up a bunch since I would be doing a lot of work outside of work to plan). I see her about a week later and she begins telling me we need to go to her therapist. I ask why and she says we need to make a big decision. Continuing I ask whats that. She said we have 3 options, keep our baby, give our baby up for adoption, or abortion. I tell her okay and we go to her therapist. During this session she breaks down crying because she is worried about everything, she speaks for atleast half of the session about her parents and why she is worried they will disown her, and why she is worried about their opinion about premarital sex and a baby out of marriage. We leave with the therapist telling us to come back in a week with pros and cons for each option. Now, another week later, not as emotionally charged from the news of an unexpected pregnancy, I wrote her a letter explaining my panic, apologizing for the hurt she felt directly from my panic, and how I was not worried about me specifically but rather worried about how I was going to take care of her and our baby. ""My intrusive thoughts came out as I am not ready, but really I meant I dont know how I will figure everything out such as finding work, getting engaged and marrying you so your parents are not mad at you and I, and I just dont want you and I to struggle like my parents did."" As well with this letter I give my pros and cons to each option but preface with saying that whatever I say does not matter because I cannot make the decision and further, I will support whatever she decides. We give our pros and cons for each and hers are mostly focused on her parents and the lack of financial security and her being on recovery from the accident. She NEVER mentions before the abortion about my own panic and not being able to rely on me. I understand and we talk about the options in therapy. She tells me about pain, and so we go to the emergency room as she is worried about an eptopic pregnancy. I am in the room holding her hand and when they tell her its not, I feel relief and I am happy everything is fine. Yet she doesn't seem to see this. After seeing her cry and worry, I spent the next month until the abortion looking for work 8 hours a day. She didnt see this because she and I lived seperately. I would tell her I am looking, but I just assume now she felt hurt and didnt believe me and my effort since all she already took from everything was that I didnt want to have a child with her, which honestly swear to god was not the case at all. Yet it was covid layoffs happening and so I couldnt find squat especially as a teacher and so I was looking elsewhere for whatever I could find. Anyways, a week later I bring my pros, my cons, as does she. I preface the talk with saying I want to keep our baby, I have been looking for work, and I dont want her parents to be a reason why we choose something like this. Then I also say I will continue to step up. Another week and at this point we are going together to ALL of the doctors appointments. She talks to me and asks me what do I want to do? I tell her she seems pretty set on abortion based on our talk in therapy, that I WANT to keep our baby, but I also see the pros if we go with abortion we can get careers and set up our lives and not struggle financially then plan to have children, but if not, then I still want children in our future with her. She tells me she is leaning on abortion, and I tell her I will have to support this decision. I tell her it kills me to be leaning towards abortion because I have wanted to have a family with her and be married to her for so long now. But finances have held me back and thus why now that we graduated I look forward to the next few years in that we can make money, get married, and have kids. It kills me to this day we went with an abortion. I tell her that I believe abortion is our best option given our circumstances but to be clear I still want a family with her in the future when we are more financially ready (both having jobs). Finally she and I go to a doctors appointment and the whole time I am nervous because the night before I was highly debating buying an engagement ring and proposing to her. Yet, I was arguing with myself because I didnt want her to feel like I was doing this only because of the situation. During this appointment I was in my head and distant as I contemplated it. Afterwards, she mentioned how my actions were pretty clear in this appointment that I was against having our baby. I told her I was only distant because I have something on my mind I cannot share with her, because mentally I still hadnt decided. She didn't believe me. I couldnt pull the trigger because like I said I didnt want her to resent me thinking that I was only doing it for this reason. A week later she scheduled the abortion and told me that she decided to go forward with the abortion. The day comes and I drive her there, outside I tell her we can leave and that we do not need to go in. She trudged in, and seemed very distant, understandably why. We go into the room and I am asking all of these questions out of concern for her during this. And then we wait, I told her we could leave, but she said no. It happens and then I bring her home and do my best to make everything both comfortable and enjoyable by making her favorite dinner, and watching her favorite movie etc. We do not talk about it and do not have sex for 2 months. I told her I am not going to pressure any of that and when she is ready we can go slow into whatever she wants to do. We are having good sex again, but she is very worried about anything getting into her. Almost like having a PTSD episode after sex, I tend to calm her down each time and I understand her anxiety. I continue to tell her if she doesn't want to we dont have to until she feels comfortable. So we begin to see her therapist again, still we both are looking for jobs. Fast forward to the break up (NONE OF THIS WAS SAID BEFORE THE BREAKUP): she tells me that I was unsupportive, and that my actions were shit. She said if I cared I would have proposed to her, I would have found a job, and that my panic attack showed her that I didnt care about her. This hurt because all of this was wrong. I tried telling her but she just kept saying she cant trust nor rely on me any longer. She said that I was not the man she thought and that I broke her heart into a thousand pieces. She said that my actions showed her and this just killed me because I tried... I truly did. But she had these expectations that seemed like she wanted me to have a job, propose, and make sure we keep the baby all within a month before the abortion because ""if i did that I would have shown I cared"". Further she took my panic attack that was worrying about realistic things and even more so focused on how I would provide her with stability and happiness and said that when I panicked it showed her that none of this was right. She said ""when a baby is announced it is suppose to be an amazing moment for a couple, but you ruined it and made me feel rejected and made me panic. Had you not panicked I likely would never have considered the abortion."". As I detailed above I was as supportive as I could have been and she just lived by these expectations and when they were not met, she blamed me despite my efforts. ""Your efforts were shit. You could have done it if you really cared and you know that. But you just choose to blame it on your anxiety."" This ^ has been the most traumatic thing in my life. Abortion and then for her to blame me during the breakup 8 months afterwards. But not once talk about those feelings before. 6 months later after the abortion... Well by this time, I was pretty depressed by the abortion and now my lack of finding work. On top of all of that, with her working so much, I only got to see her max 9 hours a week. I associate that to both her busy work schedule and her withdrawing from me. But during this time, I would mention getting married in our future and having a family when we are ready and simply telling her I still wanted that. I maybe brought it up once a month and she would cry and tell me she is not ready right now for those and that in the future she might be. I would tell her, I fully understand and that I only bring it up to assure her I still wanted that with her. Well for 3 months we handle this, and juggling little time spent together on her end, I had a bunch of free time because I was still looking for work. I would ask her to go out and do things (hikes, walks, water activities, movies, etc.) And she would tell me how she is busy and cannot until the weekend. Before all of this her and I would go on walks almost 4/7 days if not more with her dog for like an hour. I was becoming needy because I would ask her to include me in those things. I would sometimes cry and ask her if she wanted to see me, and she would respond that she sees me already as much as she wanted to in a week (9 hours). She had me over for a family bbq and mind that at this time I had not been over to her house in almost 9 months. When I use to come over for many hours every week and help out her mom and spend time with my ex and her family. When I was there I was nervous. I stayed outside in the backyard with her siblings. When they wanted to go into eat, I denied the food because I didnt feel welcomed by her father and thus I didnt want to eat the food out of fear of him saying something. Well they grab food and come back out. My ex however does not. 3 minutes later I get a text telling me to leave and meet her near her house because her dad just yelled at her when they were alone in the kitchen. I slipped out and we take a walk and she is hurt, her dad told her that if she didnt get me off their property he was going to divorce her mom because of her. This hurt me deeply that he would say that. I texted her mom telling her thank you for inviting me and that her husband told my ex those things. Now to the most current thing: We argue about her not giving me any time to see her (1 day a week and only for a couple hours) then she says that we need to have space and a seperation. 1 month but we are still together she clarifies and that were not dating other people. 2 weeks pass, and she texts me she cannot do it anymore. She calls me and tells me she wants to break up. I beg and plead, and she tells me she doesnt trust anything I say, she feels heart broken, she feels I hurt her, and that my actions have showed her this. She tells me she has given me many chances and that she keeps getting hurt. I try to defend myself by saying I understand but I have never made the same repeated mistakes of hurting her. She says nonetheless that they happened and unintentional or not, she is done being hurt. This hurts me because I truly never did do the same mistakes over and over again. She ends the call by telling me I love you. A week later we meet in person to talk about the break up. We talk for 3 hours. During this talk, she tells me many things that floor me/kick my brain mentally but I simply just take it because I didnt want the possible last moment to be negative. I didnt argue at all but listened and apologized. She tells me that she has had so much clarity the last 3 weeks. She said that she realized first that I broke her trust and that really hurt, but then being she was in such a vulnerable place from this moment with the accident that when she had to decide about our baby, that I WAS THE REASON she chose to have the abortion. She goes on to say that my actions showed her I didnt want to have our baby with her, that my actions of having a panic attack and being distant were clear to her (despite me never once thinking I didnt want to have our baby with her). She broke down telling me this and I simply told her repeatedly I am sorry you believe that but that was not the case and it seems what I tell you, you do not believe. She said my actions were clear. ""Had you not reacted the way you did, I likely would not have chosen to get an abortion."" She said. So she essentially blamed me for our abortion, and the accident. Then she goes on to say our relationship became so toxic the last year that she now needs to find herself and heal. That she needs major space and time and that maybe in the future we could be together. Then she said she may need years of space from me to have a clean slate from what I did to her. She said she loves me, that I am an amazing person and I will have a great life. She will always care about me and is grateful for the amazing times we spent together. But she said she needs to do what is right for her. She removed myself, my friends, and all of my family members from social media. Removed all of our photos and posts. Did not block, but asked me not to contact her. Which I have respected for months now. Then months after she blocked me. She said I can keep the animals and all of our belongings in storage from when we lived together. She has 0 friends as I believe I mentioned before because she has trouble both connecting and trusting them. But her one sibling that I am still friends with has posts on her wall that my ex posted and tagged her in so I can see them. They are about essentially ""Someone who loves you wouldnt do this, or someone who loves you shows you in their actions"" and other stuff seemingly out of resentment towards me. Since our breakup I have felt deep deep remorse, for our abortion, and the blame she put onto me BECAUSE of my anxiety. I blame myself deeply for having a panic attack and having anxiety. As well, grief, from her leaving me and outright projecting so much of her pain she never mentioned previously onto me. I have been doing better each day, working 3 jobs now, planning trips, and my future. Been on depression medication that helps also my anxiety for months since our breakup and seeing 2 therapists weekly. I am struggling deeply with all her blame. I feel like I was supportive and she told me I was not as much as I could have been. Meaning I didnt meet her expectations and ultimately she concluded by that, that I was just downright NOT supportive at all. Which like I said I feel is so untrue. I tried to communicate but it just feels like now she only listened to what she wanted to hear and only saw the actions she wanted to see, which unfortunately are the ones that hurt her. I told her I never intended any hurt, pain, rejection, or trust breaking. I realize intent or not she was hurt, and would ask how she could forgive me. Unfortunately she wouldn't forgive me and left me with chances, like ""I have given you more chances then I should and I just continue to get hurt."" To which I just felt like it was a losing battle since I never once repeated my mistakes once they were brought to my attention I tried diligently to never do them again. Panic attack - therapeutic options explored, taking the test and arguing about my family - cut off my family members, struggling with depression and not seeing her but 1 day a week and having times of negativity and crying during that day - when mentioned I got onto depression medication and started therapy and even asked her to go to therapy together. She kept score of her hurts and would not forgive me despite not repeating mistakes. I honestly feel like since breaking up, she considers me her reason for her trauma. She blamed me a bunch during the breakup. It kills me because I am a very caring person and even just knowing this has made me contemplate suicide because it kills me to think that she feels that I did any of this to hurt her or cause her trauma. What is your take on my story with my ex? TLDR: My ex and I had no issues, then it all fell apart after her abortion and blaming me because she felt rejected, like she couldn't trust or rely on me, and blamed me for my anxiety attack. She blames me for being unsupportive and says I was not there for her when she needed me, yet I feel I was but just not up to her expectations.",3 "Im 15 and I wanted to kms last year but I survived somehow. Then I tried to get a grip and for some time it got better but this chemical imbalnce fucked my head. This destructive feeling inside which comes random for no reason is every fuckin day. I've been smokin weed for a while but it doesn't really help. I thought that there's hope if I will take pills to control it but my friend told me he won't help me with that because I'll get addicted. I don't want love. I don't want to suffer. I'll just end it tomorrow.",2 " tl;dr at the bottom of this post I'm 29yo, my job is an IT Security Engineer (promoted in November) and I've been working from home 100% since lockdown (3/15/20). I received my Aspie/ADD/GAD diagnosis a couple weeks ago. Since working from home, I haven't had to worry about my 75mi roundtrip commute, which is great. Before my promotion, I had to work closely with the helpdesk team but I'm mostly a 1-2 man show now (I and my manager). Now, I mainly just sit in Teams meetings and work on long-term implementation projects. I'll be honest, I like sitting at home. It's quiet, I can focus on other projects during my off-time, I can go for a walk outside during my lunch, I don't have to commute to work, et al. I just purchased a new desk and high-end camera setup for my home. I feel comfortable and safe here. This brings me to my question. I'm still 100% WFH, but I'm sure my company will eventually want to start bringing staff back on-site. My dept manager has said he supports the idea of working from home if we're able to do our jobs effectively, which we are. He's said he'll try to keep us at home as long as he can, though company culture/HR may get in the way. I don't know how we'll I'll be able to adapt to returning to the office. I'll admit, working from home has likely helped foster an increase in Social Anxiety and Agoraphobia. My wife is in support of me returning to the office, though I spoke to my therapist about it and she mentioned I could bring my diagnosis to HR and request WFH as an ADA accommodation. This is IF they ask me to return to the office. The other side of that coin is, I feel I may get judged by my company and passed over for future promotions if I let slip that I have ASD. I also worry that while this is a protected class, they could just as easily fire me one day and say it was some other reason (because at-will). So, tl;dr As someone with Asp/Anxiety, would you rather: a. Return to office (perhaps on a rotating basis) and try to work through the increased social anxiety? b. Request an ADA accomodation to work from home, but possibly hurt your potential for advancement in the future?",3 "So, for some reason my pharmacy has kept my prescription refill in the “in progress” stage for a week. Tomorrow is my last pill and the pharmacy app says that it may be ready by Monday afternoon. I’m really concerned about missing two days (or more). I’ve missed one by accident a couple of times, and let’s just say those were not good days. Has anyone had any experience with this? Should I maybe hunker down with some edibles and ride out the wait? Life in general right now is severely stressful, honestly one of the most difficult seasons of my life with seemingly infinite external factors which my husband and I are at the mercy of. It sounds dramatic, but holy hell it is and I am very worried about running out of medicine.",3 "Hey fellow ADHD’ers who have not planned things out so well and have yet to even begin Christmas shopping… I wanted to get a thread going of last-minute gift ideas for the people in our lives that are easy to find online or in local stores. Cause if you’re like me Googling “gift ideas” is apparently a deep black hole I just don’t have time for… My Ideas so far: * Wall calendars * Scented candles * Bath bombs",0 "Losing the battle with depression every day, I gathered my last strength and bought a bicycle on Overstock . (This is what my doctor advised) The bicycle should arrive on December 1st. On the evening of the 24th, I received an SMS that my order 363139597 was canceled. This upset me a lot. Support said that LPT did it. I don’t know what it is. They were out of work in the evening, and all of Thanksgiving too. Eventually I decided I wasn’t good enough to buy things from their store. Apparently my $ 400 is worse than other people's money. Today I was able to speak with LPT. They checked my address and said that now I can order again. But this new order will no longer arrive on December 1, it will come much later. I will have a lot of time to think about my life, whether to continue it or not. Thank you LPT Overstosk! I no longer have the strength to fight.",2 "I spend a lot of time in my ""headspace"" so this is quite a common way for me to spend my days. I just like to imagine a different life, and all the things I´d do and places I´d go. For me, the scenarios mostly revolve around having friends and having a boyfriend (since I don´t have any friends at the moment and have never been in a serious, intimate relationship). I make up different characters and personalities for each of them. I´m attempting to write about them in a personal diary, but I often get cold feet because I feel like finding words to describe the colorful world in my head is too difficult of a task. Maybe it´s just me (because I´m a weirdo), but perhaps some of you can relate? :)",3 "Three weeks ago I took 11 paracetamols to self harm. Two weeks ago I took 10 paracetamols to self harm. Both times I ended up in A&E for 8-10 hours, got a blood test which showed that I was physically okay & spoke to the mental health team who said that I should carry on my weekly counselling. I changed my medication from Sertraline to Mirtazapine and haven't noticed any benefits to my mental health yet (only physically side effects like low energy & hunger). I honestly don't know what to do. I just feel like taking another overdose but what good does it do? I need help but I don't know what they can realistically offer me. When they see i'm physically okay they just send me home. Does anyone know what can actually be offered to me? I'm very close to taking another overdose with maybe 15 this time so I will maybe be put on a drip & kept in hospital for longer....",2 "It feels as if no matter what I do to make myself feel better, it doesn't work . I feel like i'm living in a constant loop. I don't know how to break it. Everything in my life is stressing me out. I can't keep living this way. I want to get better but it's hard. I hate myself. I hate the way I look. I cant lose weight. I'm too depressed to go to the gym anymore. I feel worthless because I don't look the way I want to. I am actively in therapy, but we are focusing on other things at the moment & I feel like I'm just getting worse as each day passes. I wished that I didn't feel as if the way I looked defined my own self worth. I don't know what to do..",2 "I just had a somewhat new relationship end because I completely forgot an important conversation I had with the person I was dating. I did exactly what we agreed neither of us would do. I normally keep notes with details about the person I’m seeing, because I don’t want to forget important things about them. This is the first time I’ve ever had a memory problem affect a relationship before. Everyone I ask in Facebook groups says if I actually cared about them, I would have remembered, but I do care about them… I guess I’m asking, have any of you ever had a memory lapse affect a relationship? I relate to many ADHD memes, but I don’t fit the diagnostic criteria according to my therapist, but the majority of my friends say they’re pretty sure I have ADHD. I’m concerned this could turn into a problem going forward.",0 I often find myself more distressed about not knowing what my purpose in life is than most people. Is it to have a family? Is it to create happiness in the world? Is it to do something good to leave a big impression on the world? I can never quite figure out what I need in life. Does anyone else have this issue?,3 [https://youtu.be/j2RP35ONT2E](https://youtu.be/j2RP35ONT2E),1 "I’m 24 now, I was diagnosed with ADHD an dyslexia early in my life, but because of a great childhood I never felt like I have ADHD, I mean sure I struggled in school, but my parents always supported me, the higher I got in the education the easier it got I felt like, I took medicine for a duration. But because of a year of travel before I startet to go to uni I stooped, fast forward, now I’m in my last year of the bachelor, working on my bachelor Projekt. An now I start to feel like I have ADHD, I’m slowly starting to realise that I’m not like all the other students, I Struggle with schedule, with keeping focus, and allot of other symptoms. The thing is, that I just now start to slowly find out what it means to have ADHD, and that I finally need to accept it. Need to find ways to coop with it. Need to find out where it really impacts me in life. And I struggle with it. Struggle to accept that I have ADHD, trough most of me life, my intelligence and ability to learn by just being in school where good enough but that’s not working any longer. Because of that I’m in the proses of ruining my dream. My family is great is trying to help as much as they can, and I’m really great full, but I’m the end I’m the one that need to accept this part of me, and need to accept that I need help. I’m back with medicine but like last time I’m unsure about what to look for in MySelf what is ADHD and what is just me Being lazy. I often felt like a lot of the symptoms don’t fit on me or that it’s not that bad (they to and they are) and a bit like with love I’m kind of lost on how does it feel to be “normal” to love, how should it feel if the medication works, do I know it when I feel it? I’m aware that this experience is different for everyone. But that does not stop me from feeling lost. Well sorry for the wall of text. I’m not sure if any of that makes sense, but I kind of needed to tell it to somebody, and for anybody reading this far I hope you have a great day.",0 "It's really hitting me hard today all the years I accidentally alienated myself from everyone around me in an attempt to mask my social flaws. I was given mental health help but I always found it to be unhelpful and more isolating. It only served to create this inner belief that my core is broken. The more I learnt about aspergers the worse it got. Coming onto this subreddit and selectively reading negative posts bred this sick idea that I'm somehow inhuman in some untrue way. I started getting lost in other people's ideas of what aspergers is and how it should affect me instead of just living it out for myself. That lead to genuine changes in my beliefs and behaviours for the worst. I started beleiving horrible things, that I was different, that I can't be loved or form social connections. You could say this was my fault for misunderstanding what people were saying but after hearing ""People with aspergers struggle to socialise"" thousands of times you start lowering your head and thinking more bleakly about yourself because of course you're part of this group so it just makes sense. Especially when you can think of experiences which back this up negative belief. I masked until I didn't know who I was anymore, I stopped feeling, I wanted to kill myself, then I stopped caring even about that and just decided to exist without purpose. The idea that I was broken became so engrained I stopped trying completely. This lead me into a huge depression. I was the guy that couldn't do it. I was the guy that everyone laughed at. When you get so depressed you no longer feel your brain becomes delusional. I started believing the only people who cared about me were with me because they liked taking the piss out of me. Everywhere I went I believed everyone hated me. The worst thing is it's not true. I put up a mask, a mask that I was competant. When I felt alone I felt I couldn't go to friends without being inherently annoying. So I didn't speak to friends when I needed to most. When I was sad or uncomfortable I ignored it because maybe I'm just having sensory issues and I shouldn't bother other people with them. In this controlling mindset I let very little amounts of myself out. It got so bad I was doing hard drugs regularly just for relief from this hole I dug. Somehow I continued this pattern and just lied, said I was fine and just got so used to it by then I believed it. I stupidly believed I'm just broken and I can't do anything about it. Now looking back I can see how much pain I was in. And how hard it is to break thay cycle. I ruined my life because I thought my diganosis controlled me. This delusion ended today, just because I'm different to other people. Doesn't mean I'm alone. It doesn't mean I'm not cared for. Being told I was different bred this toxic mindset that I'm inherently broken. The worst thing to think when you believe things aren't going well is that you can't do better. If you don't like where you are effort is the only thing you have on your side and I think it's a positive message I wish more aspies would take on board because there are certainly some more capable people here that might be suffering from a similar issue. Hopefully someone gets this. Peace all ✌️",3 "I took the TOVA test today and the psychologist was surprised how well I did, considering how bad my symptoms are. I scored in the normal range. I don't get how the test actually tests for ADHD. While I was taking it, the flashing squares were so bright that I felt like I was going blind in my peripheral vision. I couldn't look away and physically felt like I was going blind. I am wondering if I should have told him this. It was so bright that I felt dizzy and sick afterwards. Could it have helped me to be sensitive to the screen? I also felt like it was the first ""good"" day I had had in months, as I feel like my symptoms vary and this particular day I had felt focused. ​ Luckily he is a good psychologist and scheduled me to do another test and believes me when I say I struggle with attention problems. ​ Has anyone else ""passed"" the TOVA test and felt like it didn't test anything?",0 Deep down I’m really scared of society and it’s people and I don’t know how I will be able to fit in it with other people in adulthood.,3 "I feel so blue all the time. My schedule is fucked up. I go to sleep at 4 am and wake up at 1pm. I just stay on my bed most of the day, mindlessly scrolling through social media. Sometimes I go out for a walk to get things off my mind. I’ve got like million pending assignments. I can’t think straight. I am a wreck now. I need to get my life together. I’m looking for REALISTIC steps that would help me feel better and take me out of this rut. Any tips would be appreciated. Hope you have a great day, stranger.",2 "I recently watched a video on ADHD by Russell Barkley where he tells about advantages and disadvantages of Strattera and Ritalin. In the end he says to get a broad range of action combination of Ritalin and Strattera would be a nice approach. I was struck by this. I asked myself ""this is good, why dont we use both ?"". But was surprised to learn that there are hardly any psychiatrist who prescribe both Strattera and Ritalin. Why is that ? or is my assumption is wrong ? Thanks Link of the video https://youtu.be/LnS0PfNyj4U",0 "I thought I had escaped my violent father. I thought I had escaped my abusive ex-boss and ex-colleagues. I thought I had escaped it all, but it’s fucking happening again. Context: I just moved to the capital from the country in the UK. I moved because I got a job in investment banking after being fired by my abusive ex-boss because she was fucking insane. Where I’m working now has treble the salary, a free degree and they all think I’m great at what I do. It’s a much harder job than what I did for the witch. In a nutshell, I’m not just crying wolf that I’ve been abused by a lot of people. I know people might say it to “save face” when they get fired, but genuinely please believe me that this has happened. I was TERRIFIED of my ex-boss and she made it that way purposefully. Anyway, unfortunately where I’ve moved to has a carbon copy of my boss living here. I know it’s silly, but I could tell I wouldn’t like her instantly, just like my ex-boss. I don’t let this taint my interactions of course, but honestly I can instantly tell sometimes. I’m not doing to devalue PTSD, but I have some kind of mild PTSD (for lack of a better term) from my ex-boss about this kind of persons behaviour. You know what I mean anyway. NOTHING is ever good enough for them. You walk on eggshells just trying to do things in your daily life. She’s made me afraid to go to the bathroom or the kitchen. I’m afraid to go in and out so I’m confined to my room. I have Aspergers and I have very low confidence. Im the sort of person who is always checking whether other people would approve of my behaviour. I have never intentionally gone out of my way to disturb people, quite the opposite. Im just so sick of these entitled hen peckers. So, it’s my third day here. I’ve only met her once properly. She chastised me for “using her towel” (I put it back on the towel rail. I didn’t use it. Besides, where she keeps it it could be easily mistaken for a towel that the landlord has put for the whole household. No one else keeps it there.) Also, there’s a fault with the seal on the shower door. It won’t shut. I hold it while I shower so that no water gets out. She SCREAMED - she legit screamed because there was a tiny amount of water on the shower mat that is supposed to get wet. There was literally nothing wrong. Another girl went in there before her after me and didn’t say anything. She knocked on my door and berated me like I was her child and she hated that I wasn’t doing my usual behaviour: saying sorry repeatedly. I know it’s only been a couple days but I know it’s going to get worse. She is a clone of my ex-boss: middle-aged, short choppy pixie cut and sneering. Her personality is the same. I can only imagine what hell she will raise when I bring my bf over. Also to note: she has been talking on the phone REALLY LOUDLY quite late for about 2 hours. Am I fucking complaining? I’m working. But no, I’m a reasonable person who doesn’t enjoy the attention from being a little snitch. Do I have “abuse me and control me” written on my face?? P.S. I’m wondering if this is some sort of internalised misogyny thing or “queen bee” phenomenon. Most women who have been like this to me are middle-aged. I’m 21. I’m wondering if it’s a sort of establishing hierarchy bullshit, or if she feels threatened because I’m young (I don’t want her to be, you know what I mean anyway..)",2 "Anyone get that moment of super clarity under extremely, almost life threatening situations? Like when your car spun out of control, but instead of panicking, something in you snaps, and you take control like you've never done before. You start steering in ways you'd never think you'd ever do, and somehow manage to get it back in control. When that is done, you snap back and wonder how in the world were you able to do it? I'm usually clumsy, panicky, and impatient. Even though that example didn't happen to me per se, I've been in similar ""life threatening"" situations where I'm not longer any of these. I become calm, my hands steady, I can sense and feel everything, and everything is under control. It's a very empowering feeling. And that's what kinda worries me about it. The only time I felt I was the ""unrestrained"" me were in these moment. Like all my ADHD never been a thing. There's silence in my head, full focus, and no overthinking; just doing, and doing it right. What worries me most about this is that I might drive myself into danger just to experience that state again. I've never done that intentionally before (at least not something actually dangerous) but I'm worried if I ever try it once, I'll be hooked, and all I'll be doing after that is putting myself in an increasingly dangerous situations. Anyone else with this paradoxical clarity, where after your panic anxiety increases with a stress, it snaps and do a 180?",0 "If you have ever been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), researchers at McMaster University would like to learn how you have coped with the COVID-19 pandemic. Click link below to participate in a McMaster University research study survey. https://macanxiety.mcmaster.ca/surveys/?s=7WMAPD7C4F",1 "Hey! I am in the process of getting an actual diagnosis, but I am 100% sure I have add/adhd (and so is my psychologist). I have been doing extensive research on adhd, and came to the realisation that my little brother has a lot of the same symptoms as me, that really interfere with his life. (Extreme procrastination, fidgeting and not being able to pay attention to anything that doesn't interest him for starters.) I feel like he's got a lot of problems in school that could be helped though, but he is still very young. My parents however are extremely against the idea of getting him diagnosed or looking into it. They feel like he won't be able to do his schoolwork if he has the idea that he has adhd, as it'll give him the opportunity to use adhd as an excuse to not do his homework or fail to study on time. He's 13, I'm 20. Should I try and get my parents to look into it and maybe prevent him struggling the way I did with no accomodations by the school? Or would it really be best to just leave it be for now since aside from attention issues at school he seems to be doing fine and the diagnosis may wrongly affect him since he's still so young and maybe can't choose for it himself?",0 """But that's just life, everyone has that. It's just stress."" 3 weeks ago I was diagnosed. After a lifetime of feeling like something is different or off about me but not being sure what, 5 years of university worries and unmet potential, procrastination, depression and anxiety, unstable job performance, frustration with myself, and then another 2 years on the waiting list to actually speak to a psychiatrist. My parents divorced when I was very young, and my Dad is profoundly deaf. As a result, communication with him has never been rapid or easy, and when it comes to info dumping about whatever it is I've been fascinated by or what rabbit hole sank my attention, slow communication really isn't conducive. As a result of that and living with my Mum, there's a lot of my life he never got to see, and a lot of who I am that he doesn't see. Today I spoke to him about the condition. The quote at the start was his response when we went through the criteria. He was really quite dismissive of it all, as if he couldn't accept that it's me, and that's understandable when I frame it in the context of him not ever truly seeing what's going on inside my head. And you know what? I'm proud to say I didn't care. I no longer doubt myself. I know who I am, I have confirmation of my condition, and I know what I need to do on this journey to be the best me I can be. Not too long ago I was like him, I exclusively thought of ADHD as a condition for young boys who can't sit still and run around the classroom. So I get it. And I didn't let it get me down. That's a massive win for me, and I wanted to share it. TL;DR: Dad doesn't buy into ADHD beyond bouncing off the walls. I get it. I don't care about his view in that it won't get me down. I'll continue trying to educate both him and myself to communicate it better.",0 "Im so angry all the time, i don't recognise myself. I shouldn't be here anymore all I do is hurt people",2 "I have suspected for several months that I may have ADHD. I didn’t present evidently as a child as I was quiet at home and got good grades. I now realise a lot of that was masking due to my home situation and realising that I was tired and emotionally drained all the time from keeping up appearances of being functional and ‘together’. It takes me 4 times as long and as much effort as others to seem functional and I burned out. Outside of the structure of school I really suffered and feel like I’m underperforming in every way. I was diagnosed last month and I’m feeling a bit unsure. I’m not sure if I’ve had a bit of a boost now I finally know what I’ve been feeling is ADHD or if I just don’t actually have it. I don’t know how much is me just being depressed or needing motivation and structure that I’m struggling with. I wonder if I am just lazier than everyone else or I just don’t try as hard to focus or if my hyper focus is ‘normal’. Is this normal? Has anyone else felt this way? Or should I be questioning my recent diagnosis? I’m feeling a little bit lost and low at the moment. I’m concerned that I think medication is going to solve all my problems (have not yet been prescribed). How do people deal with this?",0 "I guess he kinda brought it up, at least, the person, the trigger And me, dying to express what has been so hard to make sense of And I already felt very emotional But he kinda got short and shut down and it felt just like when it was fresh and I went fir support and my family got mad for talking about it because they thought it would just be sdwelling and making it worse. The urge to Express it comes once in a blue moon But the time my aunt called me a buzzkill when I was saying how scared of court I was She said it so callously as if 7hrs s and 9 drinks later she wouldn't cry to us about something seemingly insignificant and I guess emotions are best kept to y ok yourself Just wish it actually helped and made me more positive and fun Instead of numb and different than who I was So if anyone is willing to hear how I feel or felt or not return to on a trigger I just wanna vent but not if it upsets someone Not every person wants to listen like a therapist And I regret trying to explain why I seemed so different Should just chalk it up to my meds Or blame it on my accident",3 "so back in april i had an experience with acid in which i saw myself die, ever since i cant stop thinking about hell and whether im dead or alive, my mom says its ocd and its constant its the only thing i can think about during the day, its been almost twelve months and i still cant stop thinking about it",1 "I try to clean my apartment but everything piles back up within a few days. I don't take my garbage out because I have ocd and if I touch the garbage bags then I have to shower immediately after. Same with doing the dishes. Fruit flies have been my roommates for the past few weeks. I eat only about 500 calories a day. Most days I don't get out of bed until sometime between 6 and 9 pm, except to go to the bathroom. I only shower about once a week. I go through stages of getting drunk every night and stages where I'm too unmotivated even to drink. My bathroom light just went out and it's a weird complicated light I can't fix myself, I have to get the caretaker to fix it. But I won't call him until I get my place somewhat cleaned. My mom texts me every single day because she's obsessed with me but she traumatized me and I want nothing to do with her. Every day I wake up and feel trapped and wish she would die so I wouldn't have to deal with it. And I haven't done anything that interests me in about two months since I got my new job. I only work weekends but I spend all day every day dreading work so much that I can barely focus on anything else. I just hate everything right now.",2 "Hi first im a 23M and i have OCD since i was young i have worked with children since i was 15 but i started working at a daycare. After 6 months a had a weird dream followed by a sensation around a child this made me lose my shit and i developed POCD. I always had strong sexual interests in Woman so i never had the thought about being a pedo also children used to always climb over me and sit on my lap etc. But my Pocd is around girls not boys because i know im not gay. These so called groinels happend more and more and it broke me. I went to therapy and she was a nice lady who convinced me im not a pedo but she was definitely not a OCD specialist because a lot of things she did not now what i did now. After therapy i went to a Psychologist and im using paraxotine and quetiapine, and one side effect is erectile dysfunction and it really hit i have no urge to masturbate or hornyness anymore its really hard to mastrubate for me or maintain a erection. Even tho i did had a groinel at my work yesterday so does this mean its really OCD because it happend even tho i can barely gat a erection? Also these groinels are weird sometimes i have a month without having them and since therapy they where less and less. Also yesterday kids hugged and nothing happend but one groinels and im back to 1. Im going to a sexologist soon because i keep feeling shit i just hate myself for having this, i have talked about this with my parents and friends but they don't care they know im not a pedo. If i can not get rid of this i need to quit my job eventually because i don't see a other way out. if you red this thank you i appreciate it, does anyone have any advice?",1 "So I tend to be rather sensitive when it comes to food. If something tastes too bland, strong or just funny to me than I start to gag and feel sick. It happens with cauliflower, onions, overtly fatty food and most frozen foods. Because of this I've come to be somewhat of a picky eater. Unfortunately my mom is not that good at cooking. Granted not everything she cooks is bad, it's just that her sense of taste is vastly different than mine. So to ensure that I can have food which I can comfortably digest, I decided to pick up cooking years ago. Though I never took any lessons or really follow recipes. While I do follow advice, techniques and methods, for the most part I just sort of wing it. Which for the most part seems to work for the most part. I would say I've gotten quiet good at cooking for the most part. Though when I end up significantly fail at a dish I'm making, it ends up triggering me and I toss the food out which probably isn't the best idea. Ah, the misfortune of having a high standard when it comes to cooking. You always try to ensure your food is up to quality but anything less just angers you. Still while I'm not interest in cooking as a career, I've grown to enjoy it as a hobby especially when I get to cook for others. My friends and family all enjoy my cooking even when it's not always up to my standard. So just a little something how a sensitivity to taste lead to a skill at cooking. Also for anyone who doubts my skill. Just don't ask me for a recipe cause I don't follow them at all. https://imgur.com/gallery/GzRsczE",3 "I just don’t know what to do. I’m a male in my 20s with adhd, depression, anxiety and will check to see if I’m bi polar, autism, and ptsd. I’ll be honest, I want answers to my problems. I just feel like even with medication and therapy, that I’m still just a slave to my emotions, a slave to my disorders. I know cbt blah blah blah, I’ve tried it, but these intense emotions still appear. I still have too many options and can’t choose something to do and when I do choose something, I want to do ten other things. Constantly going from one app on my phone to another, feeling anxious if I spend too much time on one. Hanging out with friends, constantly thinking “I only have this much time with them before I have to leave”. It’s so much. I exercise but even that I gotta convince myself to do. It’s so much and I just want help, but I’m afraid that this is it. That things won’t get better. It seems like browsing this sub, that things won’t get better, that I’m just stuck, and I should just be thankful that I’m this far. I dunno please someone prove me wrong.",0 "I call people for work, sounds like a terrible job for someone with autism but its not, my boss is on the spectrum as well and it works for him. One of the perks is that If I need a mental Health day then I just take one, I simply just don't get paid for that day. I'm still in the onbording period where I only earn commission and my motivation is all over the place, some days I have the motivation to take over the world but no energy, other days, like today, I have the energy but zero motivation. Am I the only one like this? And how can I deal with it!",3 "I can't tell if this is a tic or OCD: So I just started having this ""tic"" where my legs tingle and then I have to go to the door of my room and then walk around the whole room. Every time I follow the same path until the tingles in my legs leave. It takes a really long time, but I don't have any fears associated with this action. I only feel like I have to walk across my whole room for the tingles to leave. Someone told me about tourettic ocd the other day. I'm starting to get frustrated because it is getting hard to tell the difference with some of my newer tics. I feel like checking if have I have a new tic or OCD is all I think about anymore.",1 "My Life Without an Internal Monologue Some context: I'm a Junior in college who was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and since then I've been spotting patterns in my life that have been really hard to curb due to a lack of an internal monologue. I have the standard ADHD tendency for my mind to wander while I'm trying to work my way through a chapter in one of my textbooks, or attempting to finish an assignment that I've known about months in advance. One moment I'll be reading about the intricacies of international politics and the next I'll suddenly find myself reading a wikipedia post about the Russian intervention in Syria or some other slightly related topic. If I'm not supposed to be working on an assignment this sudden switch usually doesn't even register in my mind, and is probably the reason why I have such an eclectic knowledge of a wide variety of different topics; but when I'm supposed to be studying for an exam about political philosophy, Russia's intervention in Syria isn't exactly information I need to know. Now I'm sure many of you can relate to these sentiments, but the real issue is a bit deeper than that. Unless I'm actively concentrating on forming words in my mind (usually when I'm writing something down) my thoughts consist of purely *ideas* and *concepts* and not actual *words*. The unconscious part of my ADHD brain is constantly making connections to other slightly related topics, and randomly yanking the other part of my brain in charge of understanding off track without even telling it. There's no thought process connecting the two ideas, it's just suddenly THERE and it's rather jarring to be engrossed in an interesting chapter just to have your mind yanked out of gear in favor of some other topic. Honestly it scare the living daylights out of me sometimes. I hate the idea that I'm not in control of my own mind. On bad days these shifts can happen hundreds if not thousands of times, and staying concentrated requires either medication (either perscribed or self-medicated) or dead-panic to get anything done. A lot of my depression stems from the fact that I am 100% capable of completing nearly all of the tasks assigned to me, yet it's like there's someone else in the back of my mind dead-set on making my life more difficult for it's own amusement. It feels like nobody else knows what this feels like. Everyone I've talked to has an internal monologue so most of the time they're able to monitor their own thoughts for abnormalities and negativities (assuming they don't have a mental health disorder as well), but I've never been able to understand what it feels like. My therapist and my parents tell me to have backup plans whenever I feel my thoughts getting dark but it does't work like that. The closest I can describe is that suddenly that dark thought is just THERE and there's little that I can do to stop it from entering my mind and with it the depression that follows. It's so frustrating it makes me want to scream. If anybody else is experiencing similar symptoms I do have a tip that has helped me. My advice would be simply to treat your brain as two separate entities, one that's in charge of the logical thinking and the other that likes to make intuitive connections. For me there is little conscious communication between these two halves in my head, so what I do is I vocalize everything. Saying the words out loud allows for the two parts to work together, one part concentrating on forming the words and the language while the other draws ideas directly from my intuition and out into the open air. The difficult part is remembering what you said lmao, so this works especially well when I'm writing essays. However this is a lot slower than simply typing everything directly from my head, which is annoying when I've got short deadlines for multiple items. Another tip I remembered: Give that other half of your brain something to to do while you're working. An earbud with light music playing usually quiets my other half down so I can focus on reading something, but I've got to be careful that the music isn't more interesting than what I'm reading or else I'll find myself analyzing the different lyrics or following along to a sweet bass solo. It really helps when the decision to distract that half is consciously made on by my other half, so then it feels like it NEEDS to listen to the music and lets my logical mind alone to do it's reading. Thanks to anyone who bothered to read this post, honestly I'm just using this as an excuse to become more aware of what's going on by typing it all out. Rant over.",0 I wonder why this keeps happening. What am I doing wrong? Sometimes I can feel so confident in recovery and hopeful of the future. But other times I just feel so tired of having to do this over and over again. There is no in between.,1 "I mean, clearly I know I'm weird lol, but that's not what I mean. My in-laws are over for Thanksgiving, and when they are here my father in law likes to watch things on tv. I don't usually have the patience to just watch tv for hours and hours, so I'll pull out my laptop, research things, look at my phone, scroll Reddit. Him and I are the only ones still awake, and I'm sitting at my desk organizing random things and looking at my phone while he sits and watches football. He gets up to go to bed, looks at me and says ""what are you doing?"" I was kinda like, ""uhh idk, I was looking at stuff on my computer, looking at stuff on my phone, oranizing some stuff on my desk."" And he looked really confused and said ""huh.. night owl.. huh? It's more the WAY he said it, as if I'm a weirdo, which like, I know I am, but why point it out? I swear some people just don't understand when someone like me doesn't want to just sit quietly and watch tv all day...",0 "I still get physical symptoms like chest pain but It’s like my meds are just hiding my depression instead of me actually confronting it. I can’t really put into words how it feels, I feel “alright” not happy but not suicidal or manic. It pisses me off because I’m used to feeling like shit and I feel like I don’t deserve to feel anything else. It’s literally just my medication I’m not fine and never have been yet all of a sudden my mind is trying to tell me everything is good when it’s not. Shoulda commit suicide sooner",2 "For the past 3 years i have felt hopeless i gave up on everything. Everyone left me alone. Last time i hurt myself was about 6 months ago. Finally im feeling like i can stand up for myself and others. I don't give a fuck what strangers think, everything that matters is that I and my closest persons are okay. I have been seeing a therapist for 2 years now and wont stop. A year ago i wanted to kill myself so hard that I stopped doing anything. I ate pills like they were water to me. I just tested how much do i have to take to overdose. I never ended up taking enough to overdose, thankfully. But now i see that everything will be okay. After a long brake i have actual goals in my life. They aren't much, but they are enough to keep me going. I just want to everyone know that things will be better than okay at some point. U will find something that keeps u going. Never give up.",2 "I've tried over the past months to lay foundations for meaningful relationships. I was doing a little better and feeling optimistic. Now that's gone to the dogs again and I find myself bothering people with my negativity. Part of my depression stems from the fact that I'm cripplingly lonely, but I can't ever relieve it, because people such as myself: unambitious, talentless losers with low self-esteem, aren't really that sought after.",2 "Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask, but I need help badly. ADHD & Anxiety have both ruined me. I have no plans for myself because I'm too anxious to go outside; and on top of that, my ADHD makes everything seem so boring (unless I'm really into whatever I am doing). I've tried a TON to go out and get work before the virus, but I'm so incredibly burnt out from the process of finding a job. That, now, I just sit at home, sometimes doing online freelance work and making some money to support the things I want. Other than that, I don't have any real idea on what the fuck I want to do. Or, have any desire to try finding a job anymore due to either being rejected so many times, or just feeling burnt out to the whole ""job hunting"" bullshit. I have zero patience for college, I know my ADHD will make it nearly impossible to concentrate in college. I have thought about doing a trade, but I know how time demanding those types of jobs can be, and I really value work/life balance. I want to go to therapy really badly, but I don't want to burn through my savings since I don't have any health insurance. Please, someone here must understand how I feel. I don't know what to do with myself anymore...",0 "Hello everyone, I am reaching out because my OCD has a reached a point that life as a whole is a daily battle. I (24M) have been dealing with Contamination OCD for the past couple of years or so. At this point I can’t say what exactly started all of this but I know all my life prior to it I have always been considered the “clean and organized” type. My parents always brag that out of me and all my siblings I was the only one that kept my room clean, if that gives any background. My current situation is, without sugar coating it, really fucking bad. As you can guess from the title I am constantly worried about being contaminated in some way. My biggest triggers are bodily fluids/waste: urine, feces, vomit, blood, saliva, mucus, sperm, etc. Simple mundane tasks such as using the bathroom, taking a shower, cleaning up cat puke, are always long and arduous processes that take exponential amounts of time. My entire getting ready process from going to the bathroom, taking a shower, and getting dressed is on average about 4 hours. I try to avoid using the bathroom as much as possible because simply going pee can take up to 30 minutes. A lot of this time is spent washing. I wash my hands to oblivion. I go through ridiculous amounts of hand soap and body wash. The amount of money we spend on such items is considerably more than the average household. My hands are constantly cracked and bleeding from all the washing. Aside from those triggers, I also get bothered by eating food with my hands, greasy or oily substances, anything generally dirty or unsanitary like doorknobs or the floor, even touching other peoples hands. I was recently fired from my job because I was constantly late due to my OCD making it so difficult to leave without fulfilling the urge to be clean. Me and my wife are also expecting a baby this month and we are both worried that I won’t be able to handle it. Any help is appreciated. I currently see a psychiatrist and I take 100 mg of fluoxetine (Prozac) daily. I used to see a therapist but felt they weren’t helpful. Also worth pointing out, I am fearful of contamination. Not necessarily germs or bacteria or getting sick, just the fact of being contaminated. Thank you all.",1 "Every fucking week, a new hobby. A while ago I was obsessed with whales and now I’m obsessed with gardening. I spend every hour of every day doing that thing because it’s my only source of stimulation, only for it to stop giving me any joy a week later, so I move onto the next thing. My parents make fun of me for it, every time I tell them about something new I want to try they always say “ah so this is the next thing?” And it makes me so fucking mad. I agree with them, it’s stupid how I hop around, but for some reason my brain likes to only select one thing in life to interest me at any single moment. I’m at that stage in life where I gotta start sorting out what career path I want to take, but every other week I am a completely different person with completely different desires. I am just so sick and tired of my brain and my body not doing what it is supposed to do.",0 "I wrote a checklist of what goes on in my brain. Is this normal for depression or do you think I’m even more broken? Overwhelmed with the routine. Sorting out the Kids, sorting out the home, work, study, often give up example “what’s the point cleaning when it’s going to mess again” Distracted - can never finish one thing, get distracted and overwhelmed and go onto the next thing. So many loose ends that make me very anxious that I cannot or have not finished. Quick to anger when I get interrupted. It takes a lot to focus on one thing and when I get interrupted I know it will take a lot of time to get back to task if i can. I know this and get snappy and just give up with many interruptions. Terrible body image. Often don’t understand why my husband even stays with me. Why would people even like me. I look awful and feel I am just an awful person inside and out. Cannot accept compliments. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. Often I’ll avoid showers mirror etc so I don’t have to look at my body. I refuse to be in photos. I’m always late because nothing looks good on me or I don’t have the right clothes. I refuse to buy new clothes because nothing looks good on me anyway. I feel frumpy, ugly, like an old lady. Thinking I am a burden and my family would be happier without me in it. Burden to friends and family. I’m just a waste of space, a shadow in a room. Intense guilt always. When I work I am guilty I am not spending time with children or family. When I am with kids I am guilty I’m not doing study or client work. I feel guilty I am even feeling depressed. I should be lucky I have a great support network. People have it way worst than me. I am lucky and I should be feeling how I am. I feel jealous of those who succeed when I feel I work 10 times harder and make so many sacrifices . I feel jealous of relatives that have time to play with my kids when I can’t (because of work/study commitments) I feel jealous my husband can leave and go to work, while I am at home. I feel depressed in my home. We have too much stuff and not enough space. It’s cluttered and I am embarrassed, we don’t have people over. I don’t like people looking at me in public. When I am out and see someone whispering or laughing I assume they are making fun of me or it’s at my expense. When something is said where I have been out of line or someone says something insulting to me I cannot forget. I over think this. I overthink everything I am a perfectionist and if things aren’t perfect I’ll often do it again or consider myself a failure. I get very depressed with my grades if they are not 100%. I am terrified to look at our finances. My husband and I fight about this the most. I cry often and often wish I wasn’t around. I have a history of self harm and lately it’s the only release of pent up anxiety. My kids are literally saving my life. When I drive in my car alone I often think about drifting out of the lane. Fast and quick into a tree. I can’t say no or delegate work to anyone else because I get frustrated and angry they will not do it properly. I have a lot on my plate with work because of this. I have panic and anxiety attacks and go into flight or fight often. I’ll waste time just staring into space. I’ve known I’ve had to see someone for so long. But I’ve hidden behind being an extrovert.",2 "I can’t stop. I get a horrible flashback and I yell out a comfort phrase and jerk my head to try to push the memory away. It’s getting worse. I can’t control it anymore.",1 "I used to put off assignments until the last minute, enjoy (like a masochist) the rush of finishing an assignment minutes before the deadline, but now, I can't even finish them anymore. I believe this started on-and-off in HS, it got worse in college, and now I feel like I no longer finish anything. Like right now, I have to give a speech that isn't finished yet, and I've added basically zero words in the past half hour. How do I go back to actually getting things done at the last minute? I miss that. Apologies if this is the wrong flair.",0 "Apparently my OCD decided that my waking hours were insufficient to cause me to question my every move and past moves. For the first time in my life I woke up from a nightmare panicked that it was real and that did terrible things, which caused me to check to make sure I hadn’t done those things when I woke up. I hate it here.",1 " Hello, I \[F22\] just realized I likely have severe OCD. Forgive me for the long post but, my mind is blown. I am terrified of myself. Now, of course, I cannot solely rely on self-diagnosis, hence why I have gone ahead and made an appointment with my doctor to further discuss this and get screened. Prior to learning what OCD is, I was ignorant, and I thought to be OCD meant being a neat freak. I never once thought my habits were atypical, and I'm starting to believe what I think is ""normal"" behavior is far from it (at all at least to the general public). Below I have categorized my behavior from as far back as I can recall in as much detail as possible. I'm not sure why I'm posting on Reddit, but it's almost 7 am, and I am shaking. This post is lengthy so feel free to skip it, I won't fault anyone for doing so. **Childhood** * *Counting my ""sins.""* * I grew up very religious and was also a ""bad"" child. Whenever I did something considered a ""sin,"" I would count it in my mind and would have to counter it with a good deed so that I could go to heaven. In my mind, my counter looked like a piece of paper split in half. Every time I did something ""bad,"" I would add a point to the ""bad"" side. Whenever I did something good, I would take a ""point"" from the ""bad"" side and move it to the good one. * *Pushing away people's aura/bad juju before I walk* * If someone walked in front of or by me (someone that isn't a part of my family), I would press my hands together and push their invisible bad juju or aura away as I walked in the direction they walked. I thought doing this would help me not catch their bad karma or evil. * *Repeating the same thing over and over (usually when something terrible occurred)* * As previously mentioned, I grew up very religious. Whenever I was afraid, in a bad situation, etc., I would whisper repeatedly ""God please, please, please, please....."" over and over again until I no longer felt the anxiety. * *Compulsive stealing* * I used to steal all the time (up until the 6th grade when I got caught). I have no idea why. I did it because I thought I had to. I would steal from my mom, teachers, friends, pretty much anything from anyone. I would steal money, books, lipstick, food, etc. * Hiding pills * My sister and I both used to do this. We were afraid of medication. Whenever my mom gave us a pill (Advil etc.), we would climb our couch and hide it in the rafter of our ceiling (I grew up in a house with ceiling rafters that were a little like shelves). One day, my mother found a crap ton of accumulated pills while cleaning the rafters. **Body stuff (sorry, this part is admittedly gross, so feel free to skip over it)** * *Nose picking* * I used to impulsively pick my nose, not so much now as an adult, but whenever I'm stressed, I revert to my old ways. * *Picking eye mucus* * I would pull down the bottom of my eyes and use a cotton swab to clean my eyes. When I was younger, I used to do this with my hands but have switched to the cotton swab method. I do this multiple times a day. * *Blowing nose and rubbing it on objects* * I am not sure if this is anything, but as a child, I would blow my nose on my hand and rub it on the sides of objects (it's disgusting, and I don't know why I kept doing it). I stopped doing this in middle school. * *Picking the same area on my chin for hair, sometimes till it bleeds* * On the bottom left side of my chin, a few pieces of hair tend to grow back. As soon as I feel it growing, I would take a tweezer and pick at it long minutes at a time until I can yank it out. If I can't yank it out, I'll try again in a few days when it has grown longer and will reattempt to pull it out. I would think about and touch that area until I can pick out the hairs. * *I repeatedly check myself on reflective surfaces and in mirrors in fear that I somehow look worse.* * I check myself on any reflective surface because I am always worried I have something on my face, etc., or I generally look bad. **Adulthood** * *I check my email, social media, and other apps repeatedly.* * I check my emails (I have multiple) a lot and social media accounts a lot. Often I close it only to reopen it seconds later. I do this over and over again. * *Being terrified of opening emails, messages, etc. in fear of receiving bad news* * Although I check my email a lot, I am simultaneously terrified of opening actual messages because I am afraid that it will contain bad news. I am scared to open messages (texts, emails, chats, even on dating sites) because I fear I'll receive bad news. * Responding to these messages is also something that I worry about a lot. I am afraid of saying the wrong thing/sounding off, so I avoid opening them. I have to force myself (with a great deal of anxiety while doing so) to read the message. * *Checking messages, emails, anything in writing over and over before sending it* * This one is one I developed in college. Whenever I send a message, I reread it several times to ensure that I didn't say something bad or wrong and, I'm saying what I intended. Before sending any messages, I would check it with Grammarly, Scribens, and Wordtune to make sure it sounds right. * *Hoarding stuff* * I referred to this as ""collecting."" I hoard food, makeup, and skincare products, shoes, and clothes. If I discover a new hobby or interest, I have to have multiples of the item (if it's something material) * *Fear of eating outside because of germs and stepping on grass* * I am afraid of eating outside and would generally avoid it as much as possible when possible. For example, when my family barbecues for the 4th of July, I take my food inside to eat it while they eat outside. * I used to be terrified of stepping on the grass. I am not as scared anymore, but I generally avoid it. When forced to step on the grass, I'd run on my tiptoes as quickly as possible across it till I'm on ""safe"" land. I would also be checking the grass for animal poop to make sure I don't step in it. * *I systematically do things in the most ""efficient"" manner.* * I have an ""efficient"" system for everything, and it has to happen in the ""right"" order. This goes from cleaning to cooking and doing my skincare and makeup routine. I am afraid that if I don't do things in their ""correct"" order, they won't turn out well. * *I constantly think about all the bad things I've ever done.* * This is one that I believe started when I was in high school. I would (to this day) repeatedly think about all the bad things I've done and chastise myself for being a terrible person. The newer the ""bad"" thing, the more anxiety it causes me. * *Having the same intrusive, unwanted thoughts/word in my head over and over again* * Thoughts and images I can't control fly into my head. Usually, it's the same thought, image, or word that repeats itself over and over again. * *Repeatedly checking social media of people I was in a relationship with/ was romantically interested. I do this for some influencers as well.* * I check the social media pages of my ex every day, multiple times throughout the day, even though I am no longer interested in him. There was a boy I was interested in dating and didn't get a chance to date (I left the country to study abroad), and I still check his TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, and sometimes Spotify (he makes music) to see if there is an update. We don't even talk anymore, but I still do this. * *Other stalkerish behaviors with people I am ""curious"" about (both friendship and dating)* * When I am ""curious"" about someone, I find as much information as possible about them, their family, their interests, friends, etc. I then piece together their life story (this is so creepy). I've been doing this for so long I've gotten very good at it, even finding information about the most private people. Again, I don't know why I do this. * *Obsessing over the idea that no one likes me* * Whenever I meet someone new, I automatically believe they hate me/don't like me, even if they have given zero indication that they do. I just started a new internship, and I feel like everyone I work with hates me. It's all I can think about whenever I am in a work meeting, and I have a lot of anxiety about going to work. * *Afraid of losing important things* * I hate losing things because it scares me, even things that can be considered insignificant. For example, I bought a pashmina in Morocco (one of 6) and lost it while volunteering. I spent days looking for the scarf and never found it. I then went on Etsy to buy an authentic pashmina shipped from Morocco to replace the missing scarf. Despite getting a replacement, I still think about the lost scarf to this day. * *I repeatedly think about the death of my loved ones.* * When I was young, I used to do this, and since the beginning of the pandemic, I've returned to doing it. There is a story in the bible about Jesus taking some guy up to heaven in a flaming chariot. As a child, I used to pray every day that God would take my family to heaven in a chariot instead of letting them die. Now, as an adult (knowing that won't happen) I call my family every day (sometimes talking to them for hours) because I'm afraid they'll die and I'll never see them again. * *Avoiding situations or people in fear of hurting them with my words or actions* * If I have offended someone in the past or generally done something wrong to them, I do my best to avoid them as much as possible. An example of this was back in middle school when the head librarian caught me stealing a book, I avoided going to the library, and whenever I saw her in the hallway, I would duck my head so she wouldn't see me. It got so bad that she spoke to the school counselor, who called me into her office, encouraged me to continue going to the library, and told me the librarian was not upset with me. * *Having to do something the right way and being upset when others don't do things in said way* * If I don't do something the ""right"" way or someone (usually my roommates) doesn't do something the ""right"" way, it bothers me for the rest of the day even after I fix it. * *I constantly feel that everything I do is ""bad,"" and I am terrible at everything.* * I generally feel super incompetent at everything. Even though I made the honor roll multiple times in college and graduated with a high GPA, I think I'm a ""bad"" student. I feel like I don't have any skills. I think I suck at my hobbies and can't do anything right. I feel generally incompetent as a result. * *I don't finish things because they are not ""perfect.""* * I have started and ended many projects because they were not ""perfect"" or up to standard. I do this so often it's safe to say I am unreliable. If I can't do something ""perfectly,"" I won't finish it. I think this might have some links to my genetic disposition. Though both my parents are undiagnosed, they seem to have anxiety and some OCD traits. In particular, my dad. He has a habit of repeatedly checking things and making sure something is perfect. For example, when his mother died, he asked me to write a poem about her (I write poetry), and he made me write many drafts of the poem, making me start over if I made a slight mistake (IE. writing the letters too close together or making a small mistake with a word). Keep in mind the poem was going to be retyped and printed on his mother's obit pamphlet. He also repeats the same information over and over again. When there is something important he wants me or my siblings to know, he sends the same information to 3, sometimes 4, different platforms. He'd do this by sending it on WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, a text, and to my primary email address. Both of my siblings also have some OCD traits. My sister picks the middle of her hair till it becomes a bald patch (she is working on not doing this), and my brother is obsessive about ingredients in pretty much everything (food, skincare, anything). If he sees something he thinks is a ""bad"" ingredient, he does not buy the product. These are just a few examples. What I find interesting is that because I've been surrounded by this type of behavior all my life, I never considered our collective behaviors odd or strange. I plan to talk to my family about this as I now feel like this is something urgent we have to address. My parents aren't anti-mental health assistance, but it's something we don't talk about. I'm not sure if everything I've written here constitutes OCD (I'm just starting to learn more about it). If people could chime in so that I don't continue to feel insane, that would be helpful. Please try not to tear into me.",1 I'm just really excited to have found this community and am looking forward to engaging and finding support as well. Thank you.,3 I used to just shut up and act like a robot. Now I am the opposite. I overemphasize what should be small gestures/reactions to things because I keep believing I’m supposed to for some reason. It’s like I’m afraid of looking too robotic so I try to act like a person and I fail at it and look even more ridiculous.,3 "My local Costco pharmacy keeps running out of Adderall within the first week of the month and can't order more until the 1st of the following month. My insurance plan allows controlled substances to be sent through their mail order program, but it does sound like delivery takes a while. Has anyone else tried this before?",0 "thing is, it got better for me since then. I got out of my school, which was full of abusive people, while I also discovered sides of myself my school actually supressed. Got an electrician internship since then (idk in germany its called ""Ausbildung"") which is actually like one thing I am good at, I am one of the best interns of about 40 in my year, and I am acutally kind of enjoying my life rn. This isn't meant to be viewed as a post to ""help"" or some shit like that, I just wanted to share my way to get distant from the void.",2 With covid and everything im stuck so its 10x worse but ive never met more anti autistic people than my own family. My mother consistently tells me im a burden and compares me to my “golden child” sister. Im always told im a failure and that im annoying and i honestly cant wait till im through with college and can move away and im strongly considering disowning all of them. Even my brother who is the only kind family member i have. I just feel like im trapped in a house with the “mean kids” from high school.,3 "I only have two experiences working - one previous diagnosis and one after. The first one lead me to a burn out, the second I left before it but I know I was in the path to it. I was wondering, have any of you being able to successfully work for a long period without burning out? I found the main reasons for it are the following: - everyday communication - need to be active in meetings, otherwise people think you are not contributing - hyper focus on the work for too many hours",3 This is a follow up from [my first post](https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/q5rk3s/my_views_on_being_a_virgin/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) in particular about the friends with benefits subject. I've always had a thing for older women specifically. Early thirties is fine too but for some reason 34 is a starting for me. Can I be best fuck buddies with a non spectrum member woman in her 30s? or Is it better stay in within my age range? BTW I know the importance of social etiquette so I won't need advice for that.,3 "I’ve been seeing posts “you’re meant to see this” “everything gets better” blah blah blah. But I’ve always had this conversation in my head. Usually goes something like this: I hate —— no you can do it think positive I know you’re trying to trick me It’ll be okay it’s fine it’s fine No I can’t this is stupid why do people do this shit it never works (Start imagining speaking to a real person) How can I trick my own brain? It doesn’t make sense I can’t trick myself into doing things *then I begin to spiral* That’s not really that bad, right? Except that I’ve had this same convo (among others ) in my head multiple times a day for YEARS. The same recycling negative thoughts and I just spiral any time of day. I’ve explained this to people and it’s not normal. I’ve talked to the therapists I’ve seen and they never say anything about it. It’s extremely distressing bc Im on an anxiolytic, antidepressant and stimulant. I feel like it’s not enough. I have never felt like I’ve had any progression with therapy. And after my ADHD diagnosis I just realized I will always be like this. I’ll never cure it so what’s the point. I hate when people say things get better. HOW DO YOU KNOW???? Even if I cure my depression and anxiety I’ll still have ADHD. Maybe that will get managed but it’ll be too late. People always give the same exact tips that don’t work I constantly fail fail fail every single day on simple tasks can’t stay focused can’t get up and be an adult and go to the store. I can’t sign up for school. Life is passing me by everyday bc I never seen me gettin this far in the first place. It’s not like I haven’t tried to get help. People always say get help and when you try it’s still just a huge obstacle. A huge boulder that wont budge. I don’t think I want to have some over coming trials and tribulations story. I don’t have any reason to want to. I’ve had the hardest year of my life with no one to lean on and I’m just tired at this point. I just want a break from me",0 "Hey guys, I need some support today. So I work in healthcare on the frontline. I live in a big city that's getting hit really hard by covid. I work in a rehabilitation and skilled nursing facility. I've been at this facility for the last 5 years. So basically my facility was hit hard and out of 200 beds more than half are quarantined for covid. We've lost on average about 1 to 4 patients a day (it varies). I've known most of these residents since I started this job and it's breaking my heart. They're like family to us. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II 7 years ago. I wasn't stable before the pandemic hit and I'm obviously worse now. I contracted covid in mid March and was off work for 3 weeks. Shortly after I went back to work I experienced a situation that's seriously fucked me up. Long story short I'm a therapist and when I went to work with my patient I found him dead. Now I've seen many people pass away in my career, and a few stuck with me, but I was able to move forward. This man was different. I ran down the hall screaming for the nurse to inform her that he had passed...no one was around. Finally I was able to get the attention of a nurse on the other hall and she ran in my direction. I was frantic as no one would help me!! She got half way there and noticed the room I was standing by. She then said ""oh, that man passed away 30 mins ago"" with an attitude and walked off. The charge nurse and my manager found out what happened in a meeting and immediately left to find me. I was an absolute mess. She was angry that no one informed the therapists and not one person shut his door, turned the tv off, covered his face, put his head down or posted a caution note. They all acted like it was funny that I freaked out and were making jokes. This broke me down to my core. I immediately started seeing his face everytime I closed my eyes. It wasn't a peaceful death, you could tell he suffered. About a week after that I became suicidal. I haven't been suicidal for over 3 years. My psychiatrist and psychologist diagnosed me with acute traumatic PTSD with psychotic tendencies. I began to go numb late last week and it was a welcomed response. But now things have gotten worse. I'm seeing this man walking around my house, like a ghost. I sleep with the lights on because the shadows scare me so much. Im hearing his footsteps up and down my staircase at night. I changed my shirt 3x in the night because I woke up drenched in sweat. I also smell things throughout my house, like an awful rotten smell. No one else can smell it. I recently bought new air fresheners for every outlet in my house because it's so bad. I'm freaking out and I need to know what experiences you guys have had with this? How do I get past it? I'm terrified of losing myself and I feel more and more detached everyday. Not to mention my mixed episodes and rapid cycling is even worse right now. Thanks for listening. And thank you to everyone else who's staying strong on the front lines. I know I'm not alone, I'm just really struggling at the moment. Edit: I do take medication and see a psychiatrist every 2 months and a psychologist once a week. I've been seeing them for years now, even before the bipolar diagnosis.",3 "Hello, I am a 21 year old woman, and after doing some research I am pretty sure I have ADHD. I am in a way worried that I won’t get diagnosed, if that makes sense? I have been to a psychologist before. Beforehand, I told my parents that I thought I had social anxiety. My parents are very «against» diagnoses, and always think I am overreacting. I also have a bit of health anxiety, and I think that because of this they invalidate my actual worries about my health. When I told my mom that I wanted to go to the doctor to tell him about my anxiety, she was worried that getting a diagnosis would affect my thoughts, and make the anxiety worse. Turns out I do have social anxiety, and I was sent to a psychologist who helped me and «cured me» of my worst symptoms. Now that I have read quite a bit about ADHD, things have fallen into place for me. All of my procrastination, anxiety and stress could be because of ADHD. I always did well in primary school, but struggled with homework and never studied for tests. My grades got worse as I got older. I never studied for tests, or if I did, it was the night before. But I graduated from high school with a high GPA. I got into the school I wanted, and I’m still getting good grades - but I feel like it’s because i’m lucky. I am struggling to follow along in class, I havent read a single page of a book unless it’s under pressure, and I don’t do any school work unless I absolutely have to. When I was in primary school I could read for hours without interruption. Now I can’t even finish a movie without being on my phone at the same time. I am still getting good grades. This is also part of my fears when it comes to getting a diagnosis - am i doing «worse enough» to get diagnosed? I am either very effective or not effective at all. If I get stuff done (even if it’s just grocery shopping and working out) I feel super proud. But I need to write lists that I can «check off» to get it done, and plan it the day before. Other days, I can lie in bed all day even though I have things i need to do. And even though I feel awful and sad that I’m not getting anything done, I just can’t seem to get myself to do it. Even though it’s just vacuuming the floor or doing laundry. I am so emotional, and it’s affecting my relationship with my family. I can’t go shopping for long with my mom, for example, because I get overstimulated - my back hurts, i get sweaty, there are too many people, the lights are too bright etc. This makes me irritable, which again makes her irritable and not wanting to go shopping or do things with me. When we were on a family holiday once, I had to go back to the hotel room because there were too many people, while my family went and did fun stuff without me. I envy my sinlings because I know my parents think they’re easier to deal with than me. I am so indecisive and I think it’s getting worse too. Even if I just need to decide what alcohol to buy for the weekend, i need friends to help me choose. I can stand by the candy shelf for ten minutes without having the slightest idea of what to get. I even call my parents sometimes to help me decide what groceries to buy - it feels so stupid and I feel like a kid who needs help with the stupidest things even though I am highly functioning and I live by myself. I have a long list of symptoms, and I can’t list them all here. My point is that I’m scared of going to a doctor with my concerns because I don’t want to be invalidated once again. When i read about ADHD, it’s as if everything falls into place. But what if I’m not struggling “enough”? And what if I don’t get a diagnosis? Do I have to struggle with this forever?",0 "Was only there for 2 days. Just once, I wanna do something right and pull it off. :(",3 "I dont know what is happening to me. Today my brother come to visit us(my parents and I) and he told me that I will become an ucle and my response was literally ""cool and what do you want from me now, to give you a 100€?"" I feel ZERO emotions not happy not said just nothing and I feel like I am just living but I am not really present in the moment. Right now I am decorating a christmas tree and I dont feel any happines, before I couldnt wait for this time of the year and I felt great joy doing that. But now it is nothing. Maybe it would help for a better advice: For the last year and a half I have no motivation to do nothing, but the things I need such as going to work, wash teeth, taking a bath. And the strange thing is that this happened over night. Like someone turned a switch. I stoped working out and I did workout 6x a week and was in a good shape. I accepted that I dont have friends(never really had them), wont have a SO, will probably never have a my own place because the rent where I live cost 60% of what I earn not including the cost of food and other expanses(electric bill, phone bill,...). I know that my life suck and is not nearly as the one I hopped to he by the age of 31. I hopped to have a SO, kids, my own place, a good job(the only thing I have).",2 "I think this is probably a really common thing amongst people who have experienced childhood trauma, so I would like some other input on this. I feel like I can't exactly understand things... the world is too complicated for my mind to process fully. I come up with reasoning for why people behave the way they do, I try to empathize or learn more but nothing seems to stick, I can't seem to understand what people are saying after a while. I also have ADHD which really doesn't help, to be honest, it makes my memories even fuzzier and I feel I can't hold onto information at all. I don't even know if this is the correct subreddit to be putting these thoughts into but it's the only one I could think of I guess. Anyways I just have a hard time remembering, and it kind of puts me back into a state of when I was a child because I feel that's the most my mind CAN handle, when I face reality it's like a computer malfunctioning, my eyes cross, my head hurts, I start to talk extremely disorientated because I can't seem to form a thought for myself to respond. I don't know how to get my mind to listen, how to empathize properly, how to remember what words to use. I feel so slow. I can barely read books (not because of illiteracy but because I absorb nothing and remember nothing) or listen to podcasts because my mind is always somewhere else. I don't try to detract conversations, god I try to listen so fucking hard but I can't seem to understand anything. My memory is honestly so bad it really does suck. I can barely even remember why I started writing this post, I know I had a reason but now it feels all blurry. It honestly makes me depressed as hell. I don't understand the world, I don't understand why we hate each other so much, I don't understand why humans are drawn to war and power structures. I can't comprehend it. I can't comprehend fighting pain with pain. Why do we have to have government, racial, and sexual structures that dictate our lives. It's honestly this that makes me suicidal the most, just the pure amount of complexity created by pain. I probably sound like an idiot philosopher atm lmao I'm really tired. I just wish to be a little animal without a care in the world.",3 "I interviewed at a place that would be a massive pay upgrade. The interview FELT like it went fantastically. The manager even asked me “when could you start?” and seemed really eager to have me. He took an HOUR with my in-person interview. Then he decided to ask for four references. References are fine, but I was a little shocked as to how many. I was like, sure. Gave him four old or current managers that would vouch for me. Now, I’ve worked customer service and some incredibly stressful jobs even for the average neurotypical person. I guess I faked it til I made it. I’m certain this job would be no more stressful than the others, and if anything it’d be considerably LESS stressful than my current job. I am nearly positive about that. First thing was I gave the references and then my current manager, who was a reference for me, called me after her talk with the prospective manager. I guess the prospective manager thought I seemed very anxious and would be unable to handle stress. Thankfully my current manager basically said “yeah that’s not right, trust me, she can handle a lot. She’s fantastic at what she does and is always working hard. We work a very stressful job together and she always does fantastically.” I was... kind of pissed to hear that he didn’t think I could manage stress when I know my current job would be more stressful than this job. It felt offensive in a way because, as an autistic, I’ve done everything in my capability to handle stress. I have come SO FAR, and I am a competent worker in customer service positions. It just felt like a smack in the face after what I’ve done and all the hard work I’ve put in. I don’t know how I could have seemed so nervous during the interview. I didn’t feel super nervous anyway. Second, I’m a fucking idiot and I accidentally gave this guy 2 wrong numbers. I messed up the phone numbers of my old managers by one number. He had to keep emailing and saying “that number doesn’t work”. I feel like a fucking idiot. I never make mistakes like that. I’m really angry at myself right here. It’s been two ish days since he’s gotten finished with the references. I haven’t heard back. I’m almost positive I didn’t get it. I feel shitty. I made dumb mistakes and apparently seem like ill “crush under stress” which is so untrue, especially being autistic I’ve worked myself so hard that I CAN handle stress. I’m just upset. For being thought of as some nervous wreck and for making dumb phone number mistakes. I think other people may have called him and said “I am so sorry, let me show you what I can really do” but I am almost too hurt and I don’t really desire to grovel for a job. I totally apologized to him over email when I got the numbers wrong, but I just don’t want to beg for a job they think I can’t do. That feels pathetic. I’m trying not to think about it too much, I’m just annoyed. When you work so hard at something and yet people still assume you can’t do it... I just thought the interview went so so well and he seemed SUPER excited and like he wanted to hire me. Whatever, I guess. Edit: uh ok I actually got the job wtffff? I’m.... a bit nervous ahhhh",3 "I (17M) just finished a two week trip to Philmont Scout Ranch in New Mexico, leading a group of Boy Scouts backpacking over 65 miles through the mountains. It was very challenging physically, but for me that was the easier part. We had no access to showers (I normally take 2-4 a day), flushing toilets (we had to use latrines or catholes), or even deodorant (bears can pick up the scent). Other hygenic products I wanted were limited, because we had to carry all of our gear. There were times that I wanted to cry. When I came back from going to the bathroom, my peers said my face looked like ""I had fought a war."" I had no way out. I COULDN'T do compulsions to wash off anxiety. I nearly broke down every night. It was the hardest thing I've ever done (and, on a side note, my Tourette's were the worst they've ever been), but I made it through. Now, I feel like I have superpowers. Things that used to trigger me don't anymore. I know what gross looks like, and few things can live up to the new standard. I'm still on the wait list for a therapist. I'm not magically cured. But this gave me a lot of hope :)",1 "Hi I’ve been taking vyvanse for just over a week and my hair is falling out in clumps. Slightly concerned I will go bald. I’ve stopped brushing it as the amount is quite scary. Im only on 30mg but May need to increase to dosage, but still evaluating. Has anybody experience this and did it stop? Apart from that the medication is making a great difference, so prefer to remain on it. Thanks in advance",0 I’ve recently got tocd and I’m wondering how to stop intrusive thoughts,1 "Did anyone else develop social anxiety from having ADHD? I really suck at explaining things, and usually when I'm done explaining something people always make a confused face at what I just said. It's gotten to the point where I always finish every sentence of mine with ""you know what I mean"" or ""if that makes sense,"" when I'm explaining things. I literally dread having to explain something and wish that I could just send a brain wave to theirs so that I don't have to explain anything. It's just so draining and I always skip out on having very important conversations simply because I don't want to explain my situation, such as explaining an illness to a doctor or telling my friends why I'm upset. I eventually started avoiding situations like those simply because 1) I'm too lazy and 2)I don't want to deal with the humiliation from them being confused. Are there ways I can combat this?",0 "I was just driving downtown to get some ice cream. As soon as I stepped out of my car I started to worry if I did drive drunk in 2015 after a date. I can't put my finger ln whether I went by bike, or if I took the car. On the date, I remember I had only one pint, but Im still worried. I most likely went by bike, but OCD makes the thought feel so damn real. Im tired of this...",1 "I have real event OCD. I can't stop obsessing over mistakes I made between the ages of 10-14 years old. As soon as I wake up in the morning my OCD automatically says to me ""remember when you did this 2 years ago...and this 6 months ago. oh yeah and do you remember that time when you said that awful thing"" ect and this goes on all day untill I fall asleep. And then I wake up the next day and the cycle continues. I'm turning 15 in a few months but I don't know if I'll make it to my birthday. I want to die. I don't deserve to be alive and my OCD constantly reminds me of this. But at the same time I know by killing myself I'll hurt my friends and family which is exactly what I don't want to do. I'm not sure what to do anymore, sorry for the rant, any advice? edit: thank you for all your kind words and advice it really has helped me out a lot. sending love to you all:)",1 Why can I not just stop worrying?? Everything is so irrational… my mental illnesses ruin everything and I can see it happening as it’s happening and I can’t stop it. I can’t stop questioning everything. Every single thing my brain tells me they’re lying to you.. they don’t really care.. any help?,1 "I have noticed that I go through waves of either seeking out characters or content that contain portrayals of PTSD, or I will AVOID at all costs any reminder that PTSD exists at all. During bad times with it I am more likely to seek them out, I find great comfort and even a kind of companionship with characters with it, especially violence related ones like combat related ptsd, even though mine is not due to military service. I think o enjoy these more because they tend to have similar symptoms to me. Does any one else do either of these things? Does it change for you? Do you recommend any movies or shows?",3 "So for context, I'm in my early 20s (F). Recently got diagnosed. Pretty much explained everything. Allowed me to forgive myself for struggling to understand social cues and not operating the same way normal people would. However, I can't help but just feel bitter. From a young age I was bullied for being different. Home life wasn't much better but I don't blame them, there wasn't as much awareness on mental health back then, luckily kids these days have more resources. Became very suicidal and figured, ""why not work hard enough so one day I can leave this town and make something of myself."" This aim/goal was what kept me going. I unknowingly masked to fit in, pushed myself to do well in school to try an escape a toxic school/home life when all it did in the end was cause me permanent burnout and chronic fatigue. Failed really badly after my chronic health worsened and wasn't even able to go to university after all that.... hahaha. Its one thing to not put effort in, but to work hard and it just not work out? I know now that the way I tried to revise/study wasn't suitable or healthy for my brain. Luckily, the only career I've been interested in pursuing is able to be done remotely and dosen't require any qualifications. Which honestly, is something I should've just pursed from the start. But hey, you learn. I can't help but wonder how different life would've been if I was able to get help earlier This a rant but also just... don't lose yourself trying to fit in. The world will try and make you feel bad for being different. You do not have to go through life the conventional way if it is not suitable for you. I guess one good thing about this pandemic is that there are more avenues to make it. I'm now deconstructing and exploring who I am without having to constantly mask. Its better to come to this realisation sooner rather than later. It is also okay to feel resentment and bitterness towards your experiences, but don't let it consume you. Anyway, if you read up to this point I hope you have a blessed day :)",3 "I’ve been on vyvanse for just over 2 weeks, started on 30, currently on 40 and will go up to 60 after a month. Just wanted to know about experiences with HR? I’ve noticed an increase for sure, normal resting HR is mid-60s. With meds it’s been on average mid 70s-80s but I’ve noticed it can often go up to 90s and occasionally 100s. And if HR is fine I may still feel a bit jittery at night. Or if I move around it jumps up a lot. I just have a lot of health anxiety and I’m worried I’ll drop dead 🤦‍♀️ don’t worry I am going to my dr to start my regular checks, but just wanted to know about other experiences?",0 "Hey there!I was struggling for a while. It took me two years, after having lived through some not so good times, to come to the conclusion: ""I am not okay"". Last Monday I had my first therapy session and was finally diagnosed with PTSD. To some degree, it helps me to know that I have an condition and not just being ""whiny"" as some of my peers suggested. In these two years it took me to reach out, I managed to tend to my tasks somehow (not as good as I could, but it got done). But this week the fatigue seems to reach another level. I recognize the effects in my speech as well; I have trouble articulating my thoughts. However, I came here to ask a question: ""How to keep being functional?"" Are there any tricks I can apply to keep going? EDIT: I am not used to reddit yet. If there is something that needs to be fixed, please let me know.",3 "Hi. I’m new here. I’m also new to this OCD Diagnosis. My PTSD is so bad, that’s what my therapist and me always work on. I just, “deal” with my OCD on my own. I also have Bipolar Disorder, so meds are tricky. Antidepressants make me have horrible intrusive thoughts. Anyway, I have four things listed on eBay. We are trying to declutter, so that’s one of the auctions. 10% goes to charity. Everything else is stuff I used to collect and I’m going to give all of the money to charity. The thing is, I keep checking eBay. How many people have viewed my listing? How many people are officially watching it? Do I need to revise it for the 100th time? Do I need to take better pictures again? Do I need to crop that picture? Am I going to get scammed? Am I going to get in trouble with eBay? Is everything listed perfectly so I am protected? Why isn’t it getting more attention? What can I do to have it get more attention. This one is doing really well. I wonder if it will do even better. Hopefully the winner won’t scam us. Etc. sorry. That was really long. Please help me. I’m new to this diagnosis and I have no idea what to do. I was trying to do something good, and now eBay has taken over my life. Thanks for reading and your help.",1 It's all in my hands and somehow I know it'll never get better,2 I really feel small and unwelcome in their world. I’m an emotional wreck,3 "I’ve been on Vyvanse for a little more then a month and it has been working great, I’ve been much happier, my executive functions have been great I finally feel normal, I can remember what I actually do in a day and important things for work. But recently I’ve been taking metronidazole(flagyl) for an infection for the past week and I feel like my meds aren’t working at all. I’m really irritable, I feel the dizziness has come back, I can’t remember small details and I feel like I’m out of it. So my question is has anyone else had this happen while taking Vyvanse and metronidazole together?",0 My family is pestering me to go outside for fireworks when I can't handle the noise but they just ignore me.,3 "tw // ab-sive relationships, gaslighting, sexual assault and coercion um so basically i will start off by saying i am 15. i was in an about 18 month relationship that ended a little over a year ago. its really hard for me to think of this and process it all so im sorry if it's kinda messy. when we were dating, i always knew there was something wrong. she was honestly just an asshole, but i thought i was making it all up. my friends from that time say that she was manipulating me and gaslighting me but i really dont know, but i also know that that can be a symptom of manipulation. she pressured me into doing sexual things, she body shamed me, she fueled my eating disorder and addictions, etc. i would never admit to myself that there was something wrong though, i thought i was making it up and that i was just lucky to have someone who said they loved me. getting into now, its been over a year since i really interacted with her. the only time weve interacted since is when she accused my current partner of accusing someone else of r-pe, which they never did. the only interaction that happened then was an argument and me defending my partner publicly, and i blocked her and we havent spoken since. every time im reminded of her i feel like im back where i was. her sister goes to my school and every time i see her in the halls i have full blown panic attacks. i cant imagine how bad it would be if i actually saw my ex. even hearing her name or seeing art that she liked or the smell of weed or certain tv shows and musicians are a trigger for me. it's like everything connects back to her somehow. i cant escape her and it's so exhausting. i just want her out of my life but i dont know how. she has so much control over me and she doesnt even know it, i cant spend time with my friends because they're friends with her sister and i cant be around her. i have flashbacks and nightmares about the relationship, its permanently changed the way my brain works. i know i have trauma and i think theres a lot of it, but i dont know if i should talk to my therapist about maybe having ptsd or cptsd. um if you guys have any advice that would be nice. i also just needed to vent <3",3 "My dad who I haven't seen in months walked right up to me the other day and didn't say a word. He acknowledged he saw me but didn't say anything. After a lot of awkward silence and eye contact I was like ""Hey Dad how're you?"" and he kind of mumbled and walked away. Same with my mom. On my birthday she walked up to me without even saying ""Hello"" or ""Happy Birthday"". She just handed me gifts and walked away coldly. I have no idea what's going on....so called ""neurotypicals"" are being so weird toward me lately.",3 "I don't know, maybe that's actually a personal experience but accomplishing more than one task per day, especially when it's work related, just feels impossible honestly. And I'm not even talking about finishing multiple things per day, but starting something after finally reaching the mountain that is the ""done"" status is so hard and takes me so much time to reset or gather energy that I can't actually get to it! I'm getting really behind on my workload and I don't know how to get over this. Does anyone have tips or tricks for dealing with that without medication? Is it even executive disfunction? I'd really appreciate any kind of help!",0 Just had the discharge talk with my therapist today and I'm freaking out because I don't feel ready. I need more time! Not only that but I'm just not ready to go back to a job that I'm in a whole different mindset to do now. I want a new one and a fresh start. Is it bad to want to start new or should I buck up and take what comes my way?,3 "It’s on Netflix right now and the way that The Dude deals with life is nice to think about. I wonder how he would deal with an intrusive thought for example. His overall idea is to abide-let things float on by. He’s not a doormat though so if anything goes against something important to him, he tries to resolve that. Anything else such as finding his car at the impound lot smelling like someone slept in it, is a mild annoyance to him but he keeps on going rather than ruminate. The movie also says ‘sometimes the bear gets you and sometimes you get the bear’ which I think is nice for me to remember Anyway, it’s just something I like to think about. It’s not a treatment by any means and The Dude doesn’t have OCD but his lifestyle is comforting",1 "Just a little background: I'm 30 years old, was homeschooled from 3rd-12th grade, have an associate's degree and currently working towards bachelors. I've never stepped foot in a psychiatrist or therapist's office, so in combination with my limited public school experience, I haven't really been in a situation where I could have been diagnosed. My post isn't about diagnosis since I'm pretty much sure that's what it is. I know my dad (associate's degree and used to work in a therapist's office) started telling me I likely had bipolar disorder starting in my mid teens, but as for OCD, I feel like my symptoms have never been obvious to other people. I've always been insanely obsessive. When I was around 10 years old, I was obsessed with NBA statistics. I would collect basketball cards and memorize all the players names and statistics. I would constantly rearrange pencils that had the team logos on them in order of best to worst in various statistical categories. I went through my solar system phase in 3rd grade and lived, ate and breathed cosmos-related things. Then I went through my dinosaur phase a few years later. I even created my own website - a database of every dinosaur I could find information on. I became obsessed with genealogy at 15 and started compiling a database of all of my ancestors, along with all their ""stats"" (birth, marriage, death dates, land records, wills, etc.). I made a website for this as well. This was my longest obsession because I still dabble in it every so often. I know that certain textures really bother me. If I touch a surface with a different texture then I have to rub my hands together to ""forget"" the stimuli of that different texture. When I was a teenager I went through a phase where I had difficult putting my drinking glass down because if it slid on the table it made me cringe because it wasn't ""perfect"", so I would keep picking up the glass and trying to set it back down so it wouldn't move at all (sometimes I would pick up and put down like 5 times or more). Luckily, I phased out of this one. I'm a huge germaphobe, sometimes to a degree that doesn't make sense. Like, my paranoia over germs is wildly inconsistent. At some level, I wonder how much OCD interplays with bipolar disorder, or if the two often occur hand-in-hand? Some days I can read like a superhuman, can stay up late into the night researching the most off-the-wall subjects (like genetics or cosmology or ancient history) and writing a sober, yet seemingly drug-infused, 10 paragraph Facebook post about whatever I'm obsessed with. I feel like an egomaniac - like above a mere mortal. Then other days I struggle to read one sentence (having to re-read it 10 times), and can't find the motivation to get dressed. My reading level, according to the TEAS test (admission testing for Registered Nursing program) is in the 97th percentile. I also have a middle school-level, somewhat-conversational apprehension of Spanish vocabulary, and an inconsistent Duolingo-infused knowledge of random words in Dutch, Japanese, French, Russian, etc., but sometimes my lack of ability to concentrate on reading makes me feel like an idiot. It makes textbook reading essentially impossible for days at a time. Despite my vocabulary, I am, throughout the day, forgetting basic words (like ""chair"", for example) during conversations. I had a realization today that this may be the main reason I opt to not engage in so many social situations. No matter the social situation, I often pre-plan every sentence I want to say before I say it. Often times, the subject has changed by the time I arrive at the sentence I wanted to say. I then have to decide whether to bring the conversation back to where it was before, or just scrap the entire sentence and continue looking like a third-wheel in every group conversation. But when I'm around my immediate family I talk their ears off. Often repeating things. My dad has felt the need to point this out to me every time I do it (""you're repeating again""). It's not like I say the exact same thing over again. I word it a different way because I decide there's a better way to emphasize it. But it is repetitive. My parents have always found it shocking at how little I actually remember of my childhood. They talk of all these trips to the mountains or beach that we took and I vaguely remember going, but the details of being there completely evade me. I feel like I should be able to remember more about my life as a 12 year old. I don't have any physical abuse in my childhood that I remember or am aware of, so that's not an issue. I do remember my life through songs though. I can instantly bring back certain memories depending on the song I hear... even as young as 6 years old, listening to the Beatles ""A Hard Day's Night"" or being 12 and listening to a Backstreet Boys song. I will often find a song I like and play it on repeat for months at a time (sometimes dozens a times per day). I have very eclectic musical tastes, so it's not like I'm afraid of testing genres new to me, but I do get stuck on familiar songs, on loop. I can't take college-level, multiple choice tests to save my life. I can out-write any classmate describing precisely what I am thinking of. I've even had professors ignore my tests scores simply on my in-class discussion participation or essay quality. It's frustrating because I pick up on every mistake my professors make when they write test questions: misuse of a word, misspelling, confusing lack of punctuation, etc. Sometimes I over-analyze the meanings of words on tests, which sometimes causes me to second-guess the correct answer and choose the wrong one simply because of my over-thinking. My best friend (and girl I loved) died almost 3 years ago from having seizures. Just before that, I saw my brother almost get choked to death by his girlfriend's father because they were both drunk. I didn't know him (the gf's father) and had heard that he had a history of violence and gun-waving, so the entire night I was paranoid of ""what-if's"". After these two events, I have become paranoid about loved ones dying. I randomly have intrusive paranoid thoughts of my parents, brother or niece dying in some horrible way - car crash, falling from a height, drowning, heart-attack, etc. Sometimes these thoughts are very realistic and intense and I feel like I'm reliving past loses. Since I don't have a therapist, I don't know if bipolar or OCD have triggers because it does seem like there are long periods of time where I'm more healthy mentally than others and then something will set it off, but I can't always figure out what. One thing I've found that MAY help is going for walks without any distraction (such as music or podcasts). I will literally walk for 2 or 3 hours and just talk to myself under my breath, as if I'm talking to a friend - like rehearsing what I would theoretically tell a friend about any particular subject. This is very therapeutic for me, and usually I only stop because my feet or knees are hurting me. When I was in-between jobs I would walk upwards of 5 hours. For me, it feels like letting my brain off a leash. Honestly, I've considered microdosing psilocybin, but because of legality issues, it's always prevented me from going that route. I've seen studies indicating that it has neurogenesis-inducing effects that may be able to alleviate many of these symptoms. I don't know if there is a question to this post - I suppose I'm more or less venting.",1 "ive been dealing with false memory ocd for about a few months now and im trying to work myself out of this but im not sure if im going the right way about it. when i start to have bad thoughts i worry that i am being controlled (by a demon or something) to say stuff or that when i was thinking it i somehow said these things aloud and don’t remember. but this week i have been working on telling myself things like “i am not being controlled”, “you would have remembered if you said that aloud”, “you have full control of your actions”, etc. while also trying to focus on calming myself down and “bringing myself back down to reality”. its hard to explain but i feel like i disassociate so much that i lose my sense of “self”. and bringing myself back i try to remember times where i was happier and felt more real. i hope that makes sense. if not ask any questions you like",1 "I feel so empty man I don’t even know what it’s like to be touched by someone. People don’t even wanna look at me. I can’t fucking do this anymore EDIT: Thanks everyone so much for the support. It means a lot",2 "I’m sorry- this is just me venting here but honestly- I’m so sick of forgetting everything, the increased emotional responses, the not being able to focus on anything I’m not interested in. It’s either take an hour to do a 15 minute homework assignment- forgot to study then do it last minute- or cry over getting yelled at or remotely disapproved for something as small as not cleaning my closet. My memory has just been shit lately when it comes to things that I don’t consider top priority (or that I’m not currently fixated on) and I cried over losing a pair of earbuds (not helped by intrusive negative thoughts that go along with that). I’m not on any medication because my mom doesn’t like medication- and she won’t let me get tested/diagnosed either- despite me fitting most of of the symptoms. Anyways thank for listening to my vent- this was written at like 11 at night",0 I am mentally so exhausted. I miss feeling so in love with my boyfriend that was all that mattered. My mind won’t leave me alone. I can’t leave anything alone. I feel like I’m gonna break down and loose it. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t I can’t,1 "Before sleeping, i keep checking all the apps before sleeping if they are closed. Even after they are closed, i feel like they are still apps open on my phone. Everytime i feel satisfied that the apps are closed, my brain creates a new theory how apps could be open. One night, I tried to sleep without putting much attention into his but couldnt sleep for 2- 3 hours just thinking if they are open. I dont know how to tackle this. Pls reply quickly, I am about to sleep in a few mins.",1 "i used to be able to play for hours when i was a kid but now it only takes 20-30 minutes for me to be bored. i often continue playing because there was still stuff i wanted to enjoy. you would think this is a good thing that allows me to be more productive but i end up just feeling depressed and demotivated after and too lazy to do anything else. so i just keep playing all day because it’s an easy “thing to do” despite having a list of stuff i wanted to do.",0 "Has anyone tried it? Did it help? And if, any specific type/brand that you’d recommend?",1 "I've been on the verge of a panic attack since Friday morning and my chest hurts and I can't breath. I don't really want to talk about what's triggering it, but if anyone wants to keep me company and chit chat around random bullshit to keep our minds off trauma, drop me a message.",3 "\*\*How do you\*\* I try playing music, drawing, cooking Etc. But I lose my interest really quickly and I don't know what I like. I want people to know me but I don't have something to share with them. Everyone has something to hold on to and I'm so jealous. And I can't even be sad just frustrating that I have to find some random stuff to boost my dopamine everyday. How do you find your passion? or a permanent dopamine source?",0 Is there any way you can do treatment for yourself if you cannot afford professional help? I have read lots of stuff online and watched lots of youtube videos as well as journaling and cbt and dbt workbooks but nothing seems to click for me and im getting desperate.,3 "I'm 21 years old, 68-69 kg 1.81. I was diagnosed today with ADHD which is quite a weird moment of my life since I never used stimulating medications before. Long story short, I was given 36 Mg Concerta, one bottle. I need to do a blood test and tomography tomorrow though, but I took one today just to test it out. I was tired and kinda hungry, didn't have much of a breakfast. One hour later I felt calm, focused, I could talk easier and more clearly, felt like I could read a book and understand it for the first time ever. Didn't exactly feel like studying though. About 4 hours later I took a bath, drank enough water later I presume, and I started getting very bad headaches, I could still focus but I started getting a bit more anxiety, very badly sweating, felt pretty robotic as well. My focus was still pretty good. I felt great overall but after a certain amount of hours I started not being able to eat much, worse headache, still sweaty, and a bit more social anxiety. Should I just drop it? I still need to talk to the psychiatrist again, I'm failing college but I feel like this can really help me, and I fear I, despite feeling better, will have far more problems in a future life by not taking medicine.",0 "okok, I know that ADHD can affect relationships such that we forget about the existence of others when they're out of sight, but that is short term (when we see them again, we will remember them and feel bad etc.) But somehow I tend to completely forget the existence of my close friends permanently?? For one, I cant even remember 65% of my life before 14 years old...most of the memories are just trauma from being bullied since 6yrs old...hah if only I knew of ADHD then, maybe I would understand better why I always couldn't fit in. ANYWAYS, I went into secondary school (13yrs old) and met my previous schoolmate, but we didn't really interact then (if I remember correctly)...but after a few months I found out that she was talking behind my back! I was so confused since I thought that we had never really talked before, so how could she hate me for nothing? It was only after I went through my photo album from my previous school that I realised that in many of the photos from 3 years back, the both of us were hanging out together...yea, i found out that I had completely forgotten all the times we had spent together. No wonder she hated me for not treating her as a previously close friend, but instead as a stranger or random schoolmate... This has happened not just once: I've forgotten at least 4 close friendships and our times spent together now, all of which I only realised after finding past conversations online or archived photos (no I still don't recall ever being close friends with them, only that they exist) Is this a problem for anyone else? I find it so frustrating and honestly it sucks to be such a bad friendship keeper...(I tend to make friends easily but lose them quickly too)",0 "It happens to me time to time, I can't really find a sense in getting up, sometimes I do not find a sense even in continuing breathing, it's almost like it's all so pointless",2 "I tried to overdose 2 weeks ago and failed again. Everything stays the same. Nothing ever changes. It does not get better. Share music with me. No happy songs.",2 "TW: mention of sh and suicidal thoughts I (17F) have been in therapy for the past four years. I have been seeing my current psychologist for just over a year. I realised I might have ADHD about 2 years ago now. I have previously had bad experiences with therapists, which is part of what is making this so difficult for me. I first started therapy through my school after I told a teacher I was experiencing what I thought was depression. The school counsellor made me feel like I was over exaggerating, which reinforced my own invalidation of my feelings. I actually went downhill while still talking to this first counsellor and I started self-harming. I haven’t ever told anyone how bad it got. I think I am scared that my current therapist will tell me that I’m wrong, or that I don’t have ADHD. I know I shouldn’t want to have a disorder, and I honestly don’t want ADHD. My issue is that I’m pretty sure I do have it, and I want to be getting the right help to be able to manage my symptoms. Do I try and broach the subject with my current therapist?? I do have the means to see an external GP to get a referral for a psychologist/psychiatrist for diagnosis that way, so should I just do that instead?? The issue there is that I don’t have access to my parent’s medicare card and I’m pretty sure I would have to pay out of pocket for both which is quite expensive. To make it more difficult, this is time-sensitive, as many medications where I live are significantly cheaper with a diagnosis before 18.",0 "Hi there Just wondering if anyone has tried floating in a big dark tank to relieve stress. Somewhere close to me has just started this service and I’d be keen but does it help or will it just make me think about everything 100% more because there is nothing to distract me? Has anyone tried it and what was your experience?",0 "Throwaway account for anonymity. My girlfriend (20) experienced a frightening amount of sexual abuse as a child, and now cannot achieve orgasm without experiencing a traumatic flashback. This isn't about my personal want for sex. I'm willing to be as patient as I need, and I want her to be able to live a normal life without her having to avoid sex. As it stands, we're early in the relationship and are still building trust. I'm still discovering her triggers and I want to be able to help her cope with them so that she can enjoy sex. Her previous relationships with guys have all ended poorly and she told me this has been a factor. I've been doing some research on PTSD and I was hoping that you all could point me towards some resources for this specific issue. If anyone has experienced the same thing, I'd like to know how you've been able or unable to cope with the triggers and avoid traumatic flashbacks. I apologize in advance for my ignorance on the subject. Thank you.",3 " i just realized there is a term for the way ppl feelafter homicide. The term is homicidal bereavement. Its been 16 yrs for me since my father passed away in car wreck.. The state charged me. I was sentenced a year later to 12 yrs and had to serve 2 .. Im sure more ppl are out there with the same kind of circumstance.. For a very long time I felt like more of a outcast around everyone .. especially family. I still feel like i took a brother a friend. someone special away from every one.. I still have my days.. What i am trying to say is if you know someone whose deal with this type of pain then talk to them before they have an issue with trusting anyone and before they hurt themselves. or others",3 "Hey folks, first time posting and I like this group a lot because it helps me get a better idea of how to help my wife who has PTSD. I could really need some advice and words of encouragement. It's been a hard morning ontop of a hard week. My wife has PTSD from her time in military and has been taking medication to help deal with the trauma, anxiety, and depression. The medication has had a side affect of weight gain and she hates how she looks. I still find her beautiful and lovely, but she gets aggressive about her weight and starts throwing fits some mornings and will sometimes punch her self in the face. All the while calling herself fat and no one wants her. I've tried to calm her down in the past but that has ended poorly multiple times. Now, I just sit and making sure she doesn't hurt herself or anyone in immediate area. Though I know she wouldn't hit anyone intentionally, PTSD episodes can come with different results Is there anything I can say or do to make her feel reassured in her self image? Are there any methods you've tried, or someone else has tried, that pulled you out of those funks? I'm not asking for any quick fixes or anything but something I can do to help because I feel like I've done everything I can and I'm just out of ideas and steam at this point. Sincerely, A PTSD spouse",3 "A while ago I was diagnosed with severe Ocd and my parents never told me, I'm now starting to realize how bad I'm struggling and how it's getting in the way of my daily life. I break down in tears just thinking about it. I dont know what I should do so I'm posting to this subreddit. Please just please, is there sombody out there that can help or tell me what I can do?",1 "I was diagnosed with ptsd in 2019. 7 weeks after my son was born my bf his dad physically assaulted me and dangled our son upside down by his ankles. It was the most traumatic experience I’ve ever had in my life. After the legal repercussions he faced and other inner demons he had to face he became sober and made a complete 180. I had already moved out and lived with my parents but we started going to a couples counselors and I was going to a psychiatrist for a couple months. Both confirmed my ptsd. Now it’s coming up on 3 years and he bought us a house and we’ve been living together for about 4 months now and all the feelings are coming back. I used to be able to drink and have a good time and the last 3 times I’ve blacked out and have become violent towards him. It’s as if I just snap and I black out and I become the abuser. I don’t know what to do. Yes I can stop drinking but what can I do about these feelings that come up and I shut down and I don’t want to talk or look at him for days. Do I seek medication? Do I see a mental health professional again. My heart just hurts",3 "It started when I was taking a shower and I started thinking that my mouth produces a lot of saliva, from there on I've been swallowing it non-stop. I try to stop but I feel my mouth filling up with saliva and then I swallow again. I don't feel it when I'm distracted or talking to someone. I think about it when I wake up all throughout the day. This started a few days ago and I don't have any other symptoms, everything is fine besides the constant swallowing. I wake up and my mouth is normal and a little dry, I don't drool in my sleep or anything. Could this be OCD or something else?",1 "I was talking with my special ed person the other day about my friendship struggles and, when he understood I was talking about online friendships, he explained to me what they are from an NT perspective. And it makes a lot of sense and explains a lot and kind of takes off a lot of guilt I had been carrying with me. So yeah, what I learned is that NTs see online friendships as very low commitment, low effort relationships that they can just replace when they get bored. They don't see a point to putting in as much effort as they do in their ""real"" friendships and won't have second thoughts about moving on and finding new online friends. And that kind of broke my heart cause most of the friendships I've had these past few years have been online and I would always wonder why it always felt so one-sided. It was very hard for me to wrap my head around this cause, to me, even if you're not face to face a friend is a friend. They have feelings, dreams, fears, etc. I couldn't ghost an online friend because I see them as real friends. And that I have to make that distinction is pretty sad in itself. It was a sad day when I understood that, for neurotypicals, not all friendships are created equals. And some friendships aren't even real friendships, just acquaintances that get called friends because that's more socially acceptable. And so stupid old me goes ahead and consider people friends, when really they don't care that much. Anyway, vent over. Time to accept my destiny as a forever alone crazy cat lady.",3 "Agatha Christie was a crime fiction way back in the 1920s (?¿?). One of her most famous character was Inspector Poirot. What made him a great detective was that he had the ability to notice the tiniest detail that was out of place. I remember reading in one book some cop that was Poirot’s colleague pointed out his attention to detail by scoffing and saying ‘ah yeah, that Poirot, he’s a bit OCD.’ To which Poirot stiffened but said gently ‘no, I’m not OCD, I’m just symmetrically accurate.’ This line has always stuck with me. I find it a nice way to correct people without getting too into it when it’s not the right time for that. After being diagnosed with OCD, I have come to spores this very small moment in the whole of Agatha Christie’s crime fiction collection. Hope this helps anyone!",1 And then they laughed... and they laughed... and they laughed...,3 "At the end of the day,      The way I feel at night haunts me. I can't get out of my head or my thoughts. If I could scream at the top of my lungs I would. I'm scared of everything around me, down to not trusting anyone or even trusting myself. The thing I'm scared the most of is being left with these terrifying thoughts. after multiple suicide attempts, I know it's best for me to go to rehab, but what happens when my demons come with me? What happens when I wake up in an unfamiliar bed and question everything I've ever known? I know I have the strength within me but will I when the time comes? Will I just break down? I feel like I'm more than an alcoholic. I feel like I have something wrong with me inside my brain and all I can do is try to get out of it. The only way to do that is alcohol or other unhealthy coping mechanisms such as false validation, toxic relationships, and making people laugh. None of these things have longevity or are sustainable. Like I said I am going to rehab and I am proud of it, it just doesn't counter-act the fear I have with having everything I've ever known completely change. I KNOW that I will be a better person after the choice that I made to go to rehab, but a bigger part of me than I'd like to admit doesn't want to let go of so many negative things of my life. That being said I am in the process of figuring out why I have made the choices that I have made over and over just to see the same outcome (if not worse) in different lights. I truly am not looking for any sympathy or even necessarily advice (although I'm always open to advice) I would just to not feel like a fucking maniac seeing demons everytime I close my eyes and feel regret everytime I open them. I would like to see if I'm not the only one that sleeps for 6 hours and lives for 3 weeks in her dreams for one night, in a whole different life. I know I sound crazy and maybe I am. But I would be so GRATEFUL to find people that feel even close to the way I've been feeling, because I don't want to feel alone anymore and I don't think anyone else deserves to either",2 "I suspected I had aspergers so I’ve been educating myself on the ins and outs of it and have come to the conclusion that the possibility is very likely. I’ve realized that something I do to talk to seemingly anyone is masking, and it feels like I can’t even differentiate between who I actually am and who I am with the mask. I think I’ve been hiding the possible symptoms from everyone my entire life (19) because I’ve convinced myself that I’m just not enjoyable to be around when I’m not masking. It makes me feel alone and makes me prefer to stay away from people, but the need for genuine, loving human contact is still there. I know the biggest thing that can help me is time and letting my emotions kinda flow whilst I ride that wave, but at the same time I don’t even know what good that would do. Does anybody have any advice or experienced a similar thought process?",3 "Please read, I just want to someone to know what's happening in my head. Severely depressed, and nobody even notices. I do things, my schoolwork, taking care of the house, I walk miles to destinations, all of my responsibilities. I do those things out of self discipline, I do not have motivation, I just do things because the only other option is to stare at a wall, I have no emotion attached to anything I do. I'm in my head so much, I think myself into a trance until I'm no longer speaking, simply because I no longer have words to say. Low empathy, I don't wish ill on people but I don't care about them, I don't care about my many friends. The only people who actually cared about me killed themselves, they're all gone, my entire family, my true friends. I'm all alone in the world, and I don't feel anything in particular. No anger, no sadness, just nothing no care no joy nothing left but a vessel who tends to their basic needs and responsibilities. New experiences, new people, new meds, time changes and so do I, but this empty, desolate depression stays. I've been at a point where I laid in bed for months and only got up to eat, didn't go to school and didn't shower, and now I'm popular, all a in school, a girlfriend, and emotionally nothing changed. I'm doing everything right, I'm resting and not quitting, so why is it still raining.",2 "Why? Everything is just painful now, before I was able to distract myself quite easily but now it’s impossible",1 So I was diagnosed with ADHD about 2 weeks ago. I have serious imposter syndrome and part of me thinks I don’t have ADHD. Despite this I decided to try medication and was put on 40mg of Strattera and after about 3 days I’ve felt nothing really. I know it takes a while to kick in but if nothing changes I’m afraid to try stimulants. I’m afraid of addiction and think I should just not medicate if it doesn’t work on Strattera.,0 "I started on concerta 36mg about 3 weeks ago (1 week 18) I take a booster dose at around 2 of a 10mg immediate release. Things are great I feel great. I was on this in the past and forgot how helpful it was. However I've been having something that idk I'd its a side effect. I get muffled hearing and ringing. I also have an eating disorder so it could be just that. I don't like looking up side effects because I get anxious with them. Besides that I love this medication alot it makes like so much easier. Today I'm also not feeling the best and I tend to blame things on other things. I tried to eat some cheerios and manages so maybe that will help. Sorry for the ramble but I get nervous. Also feeling a bit dissociated, I think it's just my anorexia. Anyway idk what else to say I was having a hard time with my depression before I switched to this regimen I was on strattera and it was a nightmare and a half. Maybe I'm still adjusting? Thanks guys in advance. Any tips and info is helpful. I really don't wanna get off this medication because it's helping so much. And maybe these other things are just not related.",0 "I don't know why but I just need someone to talk to about this so I guess here is the place to do it in hopes of getting this pain off me. Recently my ex-girlfriend has once again for the fourth time ruined my friendship with some great people by telling them lies and manipulating them and it just feels so suffocating because no matter what I do to block her out she finds her way back into my way of life and won't allow me to live my life. But this time hurt the worse since the person I was friends with was someone who I was close with and not only helped stop me cutting myself but also talked me out of killing myself and has always been there for me when I needed them and inspired me to be a better person but now they don't even look at me like they know me whenever I see them in the halls of our school. I took a liking to him to the point I had romantic feelings for him and these feelings overwhelmed me with joy whenever I was around him and he introduced me to his friends that I came to also really like hanging around with. Now I just lost all of that because of my ex not wanting me to be happy after I broke up with her for constantly taking advantage of me and hitting me, I just feel so lost and lonely without my friends and without that one friend, in particular, I miss him and still hold onto a drawing he made for me. I don't have anyone to talk to and it's starting to eat away at me to the point where it feels like I'm living a fucking twisted nightmare and I have even been considering taking my life to end this pain in my chest. I highly doubt anyone will read this but if someone does I just need someone to talk to even if it's just for a minute or two I just need someone.",2 This entire semester I turned every single assignment late despite getting an extension. I start the day of the extensión that it was due on and I literally end up pulling an all nighter to turn it in the next morning. I don’t know how my GSI’s deal with me they’re so kind. But i can’t bring myself to do it earlier than that. I turned in every single final late. What is wrong with me. Does anyone else deal with this ?,0 "Not sure if this is the right place to put this, but at this point I’m so close to just dropping out that anything will help. Should also mention that I’m currently in the process of being diagnosed with both adhd and dyslexia, so no meds as of yet. So one of my classes we have to read a chapter from an academic type book and then write 100 words analysing it every week. Sounds simple right? My problem is that even if I manage to sit down and focus long enough to read some of it, I never seem to actually understand what it’s saying. Whether that’s because of my inner dialogue thinking about a million things at the same time or reading the words but they just seem like they don’t mean anything (that second one might have more to with dyslexia but I’m not sure). It’s not something I can just skip either because at the end of the semester we need to submit at least 7 weeks of analysis. But I can’t understand any of the texts to be able to analyse them. Also because I know I’m gonna struggle so much with reading each text I find myself unable to motivate myself to get started. I tried every week for the first 6 or 7 weeks but I haven’t been able to understand any of the text well enough to analyse so I guess I just kinda gave up. Been having meetings with a member of our learning support team and while she has plenty of helpful things to help with the dyslexia side of it, none of it is useful if I can’t focus long enough to actually get started. So my thoughts at this point are that I might as well drop out because if I can’t do the work then I’m gonna fail anyway. Except I can’t drop out because if I do I won’t get my student loan, I won’t be able to rent or buy food, and I’ll end up homeless. Not sure what the point of posting this was but if anyone has gone through similar and can possibly help then please. I am literally begging you for help.",0 "I searched the sub and didn't see this posted before. I also debated not posting it because it's a little anxiety-inducing. If it's not appropriate, I'll remove it. I posted it because for any NTs here, add in some stuttering, dropped words and lost points and this is what social interaction feels like for a lot of autistic people all the time. You start out fine and then realize something went wrong. I honestly don't know what is wrong with what the guy is saying. I was actually listening to him to find out what happened and then I notice the woman across the table disconnect and then it's like a cascade. Anyway, title is accurate. [https://www.reddit.com/r/TikTokCringe/comments/n2jyh8/one\_of\_the\_most\_socially\_terrifying\_moments/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TikTokCringe/comments/n2jyh8/one_of_the_most_socially_terrifying_moments/) ​ edit: format",3 I want to meet and chat with others who are on the spectrum.,3 "As the title states I[M19] am having quite a battle with myself that is emotionally draining me and quite killing me and I need some help. 1st off Sorry if my English is not on point as it's not my primary language. So starting off I know I've had OCD(not officialy diagnosed)as long as I can remember even from kindergarten days, I was constantly diagnosing myself with illnesses (that my kidney isn't working, I'm infertile, I must have heart disease, brain tumor and so on) and still do, mile case of checking if the door is locked if the light is off if the chair is in place etc... Also I was very shy and had social anxiety.But now all that's gotten better with time and I don't care and don't check anymore and interact with people easily. Anyways that's not the issue right now. Im pretty sure the real problems started when I was in elementary school and I broke my arm. I don't know why but it impacted me severely and left me with PTSD. I was having frequent panic attacks sometimes I used antidepressants, I had like empty feelings, thought's that I'm going to die I was bored with my life and so on. I developed harm ocd(thoughts of commiting violent acts), sometimes had thoughts that I was possesed bu demons, than I developed HOCD(homosexual ocd) or SOCD(sexual orientation ocd) whatever you want to call it which has been the biggest problem of my life and has ruined my life. I am a perfectionist so I have a low self esteem and body image, I often compare myself to other boys, in order to sort of ""keep up"". Didn't think much of it untill my OCD sparked and I started questioning myself: Do i like boys, or do I want to be like them, I dont feel alpha to be a man loke them so am I gay in denial, why do I imagine pictures with boys, why do I think some are attractive, What it would be like to have intercourse with a man would I like it, do I like to be dominated? And so i developed such anxiety the first time I tought that that I was devestated and cried at the time I was like 12 years old I think. I don't know how, I can't remember but I somehow overcame that period of my life but not completely as even after that sometimes I still compared myself and checked. Fastforward to my 11th grade I had a really bad weed induced panic attack. Life was great until that point as I was going to the gym, started smoking weed, drinking,hanging out, did good in school while still getting shitfaced and partied and overall that period was the highlight of my teenage years. Untill that day when I had the panic attack. Untill then I hadn't got a panic attack for quite some time and didn't obsess myself with introusive thoughts as there was too much going on. When the panic attack happened I was sure I had a heart attack due to smoking so much weed in a short period of time, I measured my heartbeat and panicked so much that I called an ambulance(luckily it didn't came lol). After some time I calmed down and another blunt calmed me down and I went home to sleep. But after that day it was like everything changed, I experienced 2/3 panic attacks a day, my mom even took me to the hospital several times. Turned out I had no problem whatsoever with my heart but I had been experiencing tachycardia due to panic attacks(still do to this day). Shortly after I developed depression and lost motive for everything. Went to the therapist had a talk I didn't say much as I tend to keep my problems to myself but she got me to the point that I cried and she prescribed be xanax. I didn't take them everyday but due to them and the depression I noticed my sex drive had vanished. I normally considered myself as a really horny person because I never had a real relationship but I definitely considered myself straight, had kissed girls, watched straight porn, sexted, masturbated at least once a day. I was a shy boy with social anxiety and low self image and didn't know what to say to girls and how to get them so I just stick to porn. Then the nightmare came once again. I was in my room depressed, can't remember what I thought of but I know it sparked my HOCD again and it was killing me for almost a year. At that time from reading so much I came across the definition of hocd and realised that I may have it but the thoughts of denial and reassurance made it worse. After almost a year long battle I overcame it but again-not completely. So fastforward to last year I still had the problem with girls and low self esteem and ocd, the quarantine and everything which has exhausted me so much that I feel that nothing is going in my way in life and when something goes right 2 other things go wrong and life gets worse again. All this has made me an overall angry person and I get angry easily and frequently have anger outbursts and sometimes i get little violent which I can't control in the moment. These anger issues made me feel even worse. So like I said I never had a real girlfriend untill this year. This was the girl that I had fantasized and chased for quite some time and this year I finally got into a real relationship for the first time in my life and also with the girl that I wanted. It seemed like everything was going good: I started working out, got my licence, stopped drinking, stopped smoking weed frequently(maybe 4/5 times a month now) and became dedicated to my gf. I once in my life truly happy and fulfilled. But as i stated when something goes right in my life it usually goes downhill pretty fast. I stopped working out because I got sick, then I lost motivation, now i get frequently sick, I can't say I'm an active nor healthy person as since I got my licence I rarely even walk, have no stamina I get tired even going up 10 steps on a staircase, I eat when I get really hungry-usually eat junkfood or the same food frequently, I stopped interacting with other girls because of my girlfriend. I spent so much time with her and I enjoyed it up to the point one day I was not feeling it like I was not feeling the same so thats when the problems began again. I sort of got bored but I didn't want to I had been under so much pressure from my gf(she also battles with depression and had I think relationship anxiety) that I became angry and was thinking of breaking up, then I realised I didn't want to. Forgot to mention I was also a virgin until some months ago. Once before I tried fucking a hooker but couldn't get it up due to performance anxiety and once I couldn't get it up when the girl I was seeing wanted to give me head and both times I had anxiety and hocd sparked afterwards. So when some months ago I had sex with my girlfriend I couldn't keep it up and I can't cum even if we go 2 hours, i have to finish myself by hand,-I think the reason for that is some anxiety and because i desentisised my penis due to jerking off and never having sex right now sex, blowjob and handjob don't seem to feel good and don't get me aroused like she did before we had sex so I think that sparked the HOCD again. Right now I am having all these problems, have HOCD thoughts again keep asking myself why why why do I lose motivation and sex drive why can't I cum and I wanted to experience intercourse with a woman all my life, I keep asking myself if I'm gay, I have seemed to lost all emotions, have little motivation to do anything and nothing feels the same and exciting as it was 6/7 months ago. I never get morning wood can't remember when I last got it maybe it has been years. Now I am starting to lose my sex drive can't really get it up to porn just sometimes when I'm with my gf and also she's not a horny person which doesn't help. Important to mention: -My blood test when I was sick two weeks ago were good except that my iron was low and I had never tested my testosterone levels which may be low. -As of 2 days ago I decided to start working out and go on a bulk diet to gain some weight because I lost my physique and I'm skinny. I'm also going to start to meditade today. All this is very exhausting in my life and I even thought about killing myself a couple of times but I realised that's not the answer and that that is weak. I don't know what to think anymore I have all these problems in my head and need help but don't really want to go to the therapist and I am ashamed to tell my hocd problems to anyone but you guys on reddit. Sorry for the long post I just needed to get things off my chest because I had breakdowns today and yesterday and I never even cry so this is serious. I know it's a poor choice of words I'm not a native speaker. Hope you read this lol. Please share some thoughts and advicez",2 "Sometimes I feel like we're supposed to be depressed, like when life really does suck and you're depression because of that. Am I wrong in thinking that true depression is something that even rich famous people can feel? Vs just feeling down from genuinely having a life that sucks? How can I ever really tell the difference between the two when Iv'e never been in a good living situation or financially stable? I feel like if I had these things I truly wouldn't be depressed at all because everything else about me I like but I just don't have the tools to actually fix my life because I'm Poor... :(",2 "I'm supposed to be going on meds somewhat soon, haven't fully discussed it, but what's typically used? Anxiety, anti depressants, or anti psychotics? Also, are the side effects of a given medication significant/ are allergic reactions common?",1 "I had to watch these videos for school. I didn’t quite understand it but then it made a weird comparison with Adhd that didn’t make sense. [watch this video first](https://youtu.be/VgYmIsYmUIU). Now that you have watched that video, please watch [this video](https://youtu.be/jHjkEfwfECo) for more of the definition for the one on top of the pyramid. Both videos are made by the same account. Please leave your thoughts.",0 "I am but a shell / Quiet, place your ear / No sounds of ocean / No, not here / Just a distant emotion / Encapsulated fear / All you’ll hear here (Sorrry if formatting is weird - on mobile)",3 "I noticed for several years that I can think more clearly and I'm more motivated to act on things when I'm tired, like right when I should be going to sleep. Sometimes I stay up a few hours more because I'm hyperfocused or something. Just wondering if anyone else has noticed anything like this or if this is just me or a totally unrelated issue. I don't know. I saw another guy here was taking melatonin in the morning for hunger, melatonin is basically the sleep hormone, people take it to help them sleep. Melatonin normally converts into serotonin in the day and serotonin converts back to melatonin at night. When I have taken it in the past I either sleep quickly and well rested or I can't sleep all night, I remain tired and try to sleep all night but can't until I eventually give up and get up. Pretty weird.. Serotonin essentially makes us feel happy and can be increased with antidepressants, tryptophan or 5-htp. I wish I could be as motivated all day as when I'm tired. If I can learn how to change this then I will. I'm thinking it could be with the removal of stresses from the day and my mind slows down enough to focus on one thought or task without things like anxiety. Either that or for some reason I'm getting a dopamine boost when I'm tired. If you have insight into this tired, focused, motivated thing, please let me know, especially if you've been able to improve it. Thanks",3 "Did anyone here gained good results via self help? or therapy? If yes then how long did it take you to see results? Thanks",1 I feel like society presses the idea that everyone needs to be surrounded by people 24/7. I used to like to be alone when I was in elementary school but then when high school came around I was too nervous to go out by myself because I didn’t want anyone to see me out by myself. Now I’m 21 and I spend most of my time by myself. I have friends I hang out with sure but there are things I that I feel like I do best when I’m by myself. My point here don’t measure your self worth or measure out your life by how many friends you have. Just be you and the right people will come to you.,3 "I am in my 30's and grew up with consistent childhood abuse. I have been seeing my current therapist for over 3 years and I long for her to be my mother. She is everything I didn't have in my mother growing up. I crave for her to care about me and love me like her own daughter. For her to think I am important, special, significant, and meaningful to her. I want her to ""rescue me"" in other words and just really love and care about me. I doubt her love and care for me and I am looking for her to love and care about me deeper than the therapeutic relationship. I want this therapist to really care about me and be there for me. I live in a one bedroom apartment with my cats and fishes. I do not have family that are caring towards me nor friends who care. I am alone.",3 "I couldn't untie my pants. I was having a horrible day at work and my brain was running on all cylinders, and I just wanted a break because I could feel my brain getting too overwhelmed, and then no one could get free to get me to break, and when I finally got my break and went to the bathroom, I ended up knotting the tie in my pants, and I started crying. How about you?",0 "Though I'm don't know if I've been diagnosed with OCD, I do have problems with anxiety and obsessive thoughts. If something worrying enters my mind, it feels like my mind starts to race and go into overdrive. Every possibility, evetualtiy crosses my mind, and I can never seem to shake it. If I try to ""solve"" a though, another one takes its place. If I seem to solve the problem, I only have a brief break before another one comes along. For the longest time I've surrendered to my intrusive thoughts with little success in stopping them or the panic attacks. I try various coping mechanisms and distractions, but I feel like my mind gets immune to them and finds a way to circumvent it. There have been days were its been very bad, but I have no choice but to push on and just finish the day. Even if there is nothing that is of concern, my mind some how conjures negative thoughts or feelings about myself, those close to me, or my choices. In some cases, the thought, real or not, will cling on for days. Before, when I was young, I wouldnt dwell on the thought, and would let it pass. However, because of daily stress, it's become much harder to the point where I'm tortured by my own mind. It's come to the oint now that I'm afraid of my own thoughts, and will try to actively supress them, which is mentally exhausting. To make matters worse, if I'm doing something enjoyable, it will get associated with the negative thoughts such that I will feel the same way if I do that thing again, triggering a smaller though attack/panic attack. I stay away from vices, as I know it will make things much worse overtime. I could go on and on with what I've been through over the past many years, but no one to talk to about it. Is this what many people on this sub experience? Is my problem unique, or is it common? What coping techniques have other used?",1 "I(19M) am an addict and I live with a narcissistic father, Those are the main two causes of my depression ( I didn't get diagnosed but I have all the symptoms and I read about this for so long ). Before last year I was still pretty much ""alive"", Like I wasn't happy but I wasn't depressed either and I still had the motivation to do what i needed to do, I even graduated highschool being one of the toppers of my school which is a big deal to me. But after the finals which were a year ago I was never the same, Everyday i got worse and I slowly lost the will to live. 2021 was the worst year ever for me. Now I wake up, scroll through social media, listen to music and sleep to escape my reality. I occasionally get the motivation to get my life back on track but addiction and depression beat me and eventually I give up. I want to work out and I want to feel alive again but I find it extremely hard not to depend on my coping mechanisms which are social media and music. Social media became an addiction and it's one of the reasons I'm depressed. Has anybody been in a similar postion and got out ? P.S : I have friends and family who I can talk to but I don't want to because I was always a ""good boy"" and now I'm a porn addict so I won't bear the look of dissapointment on their faces, I'm already dissapointed and ashamed of myself.",2 "I got an evaluation, and she said that it looks like I have ADHD, however, she said she couldn't diagnose me since I have a lot of anxiety. She said, after I start therapy or take medication to manage or reduce my anxiety, then they can take a look to see if the report still shows I have ADHD. Basically, she was like she's not sure if it's just because there's so much worries in my mind distracting my attention. So has anyone else experienced this? I didn't know you had to get your anxiety taken care of first before getting diagnosed with ADHD",0 "No clue if I'm on the spectrum, but a few people think I am, and I score suspiciously high on the self assessments. I've also suspected myself for a solid 4 years or so, but I've yet to be professionally analyzed. Well, regardless, I have a pretty hard time with eye contact, but the difficulty extends to looking at faces as well. If I look at someone's face while we're talking and they're looking into my eyes, I can still *see* their eyes looking into mine and it can be very uncomfortable for me. It feels too personal. The advice to look between someone's eyebrows or between their eyes so that they think you're making eye contact, that doesn't work for me because of this. When people talk to me, I look behind or next to them, or I lean and turn my ear towards them instead. I can glance but I look away immediately. The only extended eye contact I can hold is non-serious situations, as in, a friend is staring at me intensely to jokingly try and intimidate me, and I'm staring back. Does anyone else experience something similar?",3 "If you’re a survivor, chances are you have been victim blamed/shamed. In the past when it came to sexual assault, it was often the woman that was blamed for “asking for it.” I recall reading a book called “Can’t Buy My Love” that talked about the influence of advertisements. There was a specific rape case where the judge ruled that the woman asked for it simply because the brand of her underwear was Victoria’s Secret. Now, we are finally holding men accountable for sexual assault, but why not for abuse? There is a stereotype that low income or minority females are too “uneducated” to not leave. This is false. Abuse can happen to ANYONE of any social class or ethnicity. Abuse is rarely shown right away. I’m sure if we saw it in the first week we would have run but that simply isn’t how it works, especially in narcissistic abuse. There is a “love bombing” or “golden period” that can last up to a year or more where the narc acts perfectly, the change in their behavior starts slowly and is a brainwash process that has us hold onto the love bomb period in the hopes of them being capable of being that way again. Once brainwash is complete, abuse is the new normal and the voice in your head telling you something wrong is still there but yet you feel trapped to leave. I’ve learned a lot about this type of abuse from this account \*\*@he\_never\_hit\_me\_but\*\* dedicated narcissistic abuse survivors. The handle alone makes me feel validated since I was never hit. Never let anyone judge you for not leaving right away. Leaving is a process and often involves extensive planning to be able to do it safely. No one understands your reality unless they’ve been through it themselves. Edit: the “account” I refer to is on Instagram. Sorry for the confusion!",3 "If you have ptsd related to trauma you couldn't do anything about, do you feel anger to those who harm themselves? I know it's stupid to. I wonder if people who were harmed by others are annoyed about people harming themselves. I know the healthy thing to do would be to switch ones mindset so that they can empathise with self harmers, but for all my life I've just felt pretty angry towards them for harming themselves. Is it common for ptsd suffers to feel mainly bitterness, even towards other sufferers?",3 "This leads to me very often feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or just not enjoying whatever it is im doing. I can hardly ever quit at a point where i feel satisfied. I often think about how i want to spend an evening doing something specific to relax and enjoy the moment, but it hardly ever ends up like that and i don't feel like i can control it. It's just so frustrating to never feel content with any situation.. Anyone else feel like they're constantly overdoing things?",0 "I guess I don’t know how to have fun… I like the structure of school and during these small breaks I become directionless and depressed with no work to do from classes. I just lay around all day jacking off and going to my part time work (boring). Nothing is really stimulating or interesting. Nothing new usually gets learned, unless it was last summer break. I taught myself some Calculus for the first half. The second half was just really boring. I was desperate for school to start up again. I think I am the only person who actually likes school. (at least when it’s lecture format, like math class. I hate group projects and “oh share with your partner bla bla” bullshit) These two week seasonal breaks make me hate my life. The time is too short to learn something new in detail, but long enough that my routine is disturbed. I just wish I had my schedule back.",3 "I’m in a relationship and I’m struggling really bad with misunderstanding what’s being said. Everything they say goes through a filter that makes me think they’re angry with me, or annoyed, or hiding something. I jump to worst case scenario, and I’m honestly ready to break up with myself. I’m so sick of this. I always want to leave. I have zero ‘working it out’ skills. I am not formally diagnosed, but my closest friends over the years have been aspies. They say I’m one of them. I see it. Is this an aspie thing or am I just mental? I even feel bad for asking this here. Like I should already just know how to just ‘be’. So much anxiety and self loathing. What has helped y’all?",3 "[A Requiem for PTSD (Video)](https://challenge.musicbed.com/submissions/a-requiem-4-ptsd/DyjWzs) At the tender age of 19 year old my uncle Alan Greenblatt was involved in a devastating motor vehicle accident that changed the course of his life forever. He suffered many life changing physical injuries as well as emotional trauma that still affects him to this day. Despite everything he has overcome all odds and is fighting to live everyday. He is a PTSD survivor and a true inspiration. This is his story....",3 "i just realized that i sat down and drew for 4.5 hours without eating or drinking. felt damn light headed when i finished the art and posted it. i hate this stupid hyperfocus stuff sometimes but i got good art done so at least its not all horrible. consider this a hydration and/or food break for all who read it. take care.",0 "For sometime now I have dreaded falling asleep. Most of the time it was because I felt like time was slipping away from me when I was asleep. You don’t feel the passing of time when you are sleeping so to me I felt like time was like sand falling out of my hands. I think it is mostly because I want to stop tomorrow from coming and not sleeping is a terrible way of feeling the time move slowly and delaying the inevitable. Mostly it was because I didn’t want to go to school but now I have graduated I still feel this way. More recently, this feeling has been combined with the fact that my mind has been incredibly all over the place. Before I was always overthinking, but now I have been more aware of it and now how much I just want to fall into slumber but my mind keeps wandering and I try to centre it but it keeps running. So now I dread going to sleep because my mind goes haywire before I sleep and I just want to fall asleep without thinking. Anyone one else feel remotely similar? Feel free to share your experiences with sleep.",0 "Have any of you guys watched this? I think it's an amazing look into gas lighting, and I think Marcus and Alex are going to help a lot of people with their story. I'm amazed by their strength. In the end, he says something like: ""It's over, finally, and we move on"" I just can't help but think: After you open pandoras box and know its secrets, then you have flashbacks, or panic attacks or your sex life gets difficult. Jump into the air, everytime there's a loud noise. I've become so much stronger and happier, but it seems everytime I manage to deal with one box, another pandoras box flows to the surface. And the box is not smaller, but I'm stronger each time. I just want to say, The fight for the truth and in your heart continues on. Two steps forward, one step backwards, two steps forward..",3 "Hello all, I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at 32 and the first medication I tried was concerta. This was ok but I felt a bit mental on it and the comedowns in the afternoon were terrible. I stopped after 2 weeks and was put on Vyvanse(elvanse here in the UK). The first 5 days of taking this medication were great. My mind was quiet, I stopped craving caffeine and sugar, my phone addiction disappeared overnight too. After 5 days I started to get hit with suicidal thoughts in the afternoon, and over the next week they were coming at random times in the day and seemed to be from nowhere. I stopped taking it after 2 weeks also. I have spoke to my psychiatrist and he's sending a prescription over for Strattera to start next week but if anyone has got over this and continued with vyvanse then I would like to know how you overcame the problem without discontinuing medication. Has anyone experienced this and managed to keep taking the medication? Or is there an another medication you can take along with it to stop the darkness creeping in? It's a shame I had to stop because those first 5 days felt life changing. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks. H",0 "TL:Dr Im not good with things being hot then cold in friendships. We all have lives and everything. It isn't always personal I know that but I don't think having people that make you wonder where you stand with them are healthy to have. I also know it's not healthy to have high standards of friendship that I'm not hitting 100% on either or healthy to spaz out when a friend isnt sending out the vibes I want either. Friendships are an area I'm focusing on improving in my life. I had a moment yesterday that I took a mental note of. A few months back I had an issue with someone I considered a close friend. I met someone who heard the story and really focused on making me feel worthy. They call and invite me out, check on me, take the time to tell me that this friend wasnt really my friend. After a month, I felt great and worthy about my life and people in it. My friend got busy with things, got Covid, had other friends to spend time with and we didn't have a lot of contact other than checking in when sick a few times and sending our normal jokes that weren't getting responses back on. Yesterday we all got together and we didn't speak the entire time other than hello. I mentioned how long it had been and everything was pretty dismissive ""yeah it's like that sometimes"" I sat like someone killed my puppy the whole trip down. My wife got tired of it and made a comment then later told me that she thought I was spazzing over nothing because when she talked to them they wondered why I was being so quiet and upset looking. We eventually talked and things were okay but I had a very depressive pain body for 2 hours feeling like all my friendships end up the same and that I can't seem to maintain a friendship. Having no or very little friends already magnifies the issue.",0 "It is literally impossible for me to fathom how people can confidently make purchasing decisions with no price list. When I buy clothes or food I price check and base the perceived quality off of the price tag to find what I feel is the best deal. But I am debilitated by the thought of scheduling a doctors appointment, vet appointment, car service etc. I feel like no matter what I’m going to get scammed without a posted price. On many occasions I’ve accrued debt from a purchase just to later find out that there was a cheaper option. I need a tune up for my car and my cat needs to be groomed but I’ve been frozen in fear for months. I do extensive research and try to get price quotes but the quotes are never what they end up charging me. And I don’t have the mechanical or medical knowledge to call them out for price gauging.",3 "Everytime i see an underage girl i ask myself if i find her attractive or not, something that literally never crossed my mind just a month ago. how does one overcome this ?!",1 "I keep writing out posts like this, looking for answers about how someone like me, with all the issues I have, who thinks the way I think, can get better. Not even good, just better. Just in some small way better. Hell, I think half the time I make the posts in the hopes that someone will convince me it never will and I might finally have whatever push I need to just kill myself already. But I realise, think I’ve already got my answer. It doesn’t get better. Cause I’m the issue. The way I was raised, the trauma I’ve gone through, hell maybe it’s just plain old genetics, but it all leads to the same place. Someone who won’t ever recover. Cause as much as I’ve struggled with the usual addictions for someone like me, alcohol, self-harm, drugs, the real addiction isn’t any of them. They’re all just a symptom. A symptom of being addicted to my own damn sadness. I can’t exist unless I’m miserable. Don’t know how. Don’t think it would even be me anymore. So I won’t get better because *I* can’t get better. And I can’t change either. If I could, think I would have by now. It’s why the years of therapy, the medication, none of it does anything for me. Because I can’t exist if I’m free of this. Doesn’t matter how much philosophy I read, stoicism, existentialism, optimistic nihilism, buddhism, the goddamn myth of Sisyphus, none of helps cause they’re all paths I can’t tread. Paths I just can’t believe in. Tried to walk ‘em. But they don’t make sense to me, it’s like trying to force yourself to believe the oceans are dry to me. It’s just not what I see when I look. And I can’t force my eyes to see any other way. Can’t force my brain to interpret the information in any other context. It’s why I read all the comments I get on here and they all just make me feel more alone. The ones about the things I should do, that I know I either can’t or won’t. The ones about how someone else feels the same, I’m sorry to hear it, but it doesn’t make me feel anything, really. The ones that try to change my mind, at this point I’d tell you to give up. I’m in the pit and clearly this is where I live now. Feels like I usually just end up not conveying my hopelessness properly or something now though and see all comments about how “it doesn’t matter if you have a purpose, just do stuff you enjoy” and I have to type out about 10 times that the whole point of me posting is that I don’t know how to enjoy things and I don’t remember what happiness feels like. My own stupid fault, guess it’s just cause I’m addicted to my own misery so my brain wants to tell anyone who responds how nothing will ever get better for me. But it won’t. Because I’m not capable of it. God this is depressing. I can’t even get up and kill myself. Pretty astounding considering it’s all I think about. You’d think at some point my brain would just let it happen. I guess normally I’d be drinking to forget all about it at this point, but I don’t even see the point in that anymore. Dunno what the fuck you’re supposed to do when you’ve gotten too depressed to even relapse. It’s definitely a rockier bottom than any substance has ever gotten me to.",3 "I've been zoning out pretty much constantly at work yesterday and today. I've got a very nice boss so she let me take a bunch of days off on short notice, and I just have tomorrow at work until blissfull freedom. Any advice to keep tomorrow from being as zoned out as today until I get some rest? How do you usually stay grounded when you can't seem to keep your mind on task for more than 5 minutes?",0 "hey everyone. i’m a second year university student. i’ve been on meds for adhd for about 4 years, but i also have severe generalized anxiety disorder (i take 150 mg of zoloft for that). i’m really having a hard time finding meds and i was wondering if anyone had similar experiences and what worked for them. i tried vyvanse. i was on 30mg and it didn’t help at all and made me not sleep. i tried another stimulant, can’t remember the name. i became very anxious and suicidal so we stopped that quickly. i tried a non stimulant that did nothing and made me dizzy. then we tried strattera, which did something and had manageable site effects. i’ve been on that for about 2.5 years now. i’m at 100mg, which i’m pretty sure is the maximum allowed dose. however, it is no longer enough to help me get through university (i am a biochemistry major on track for med school). we tried adding vyvanse on top of my strattera, both 30 and 40mg, and 40mg helped a little but made me not sleep and super anxious. my doctor isn’t keen on trying adderall because of potential anxiety side effects. does anyone have any ideas? i’m really struggling here",0 "I'm almost ending everything. I've been hanging between this dilemma since I was a little girl.Doctor said it's depression triggered by ptsd. Tough childhood, but nice future. Now I have friends, good grades, good community, happy family (?). I'll not end because my family is helping a lot. But is hard to take care of myself when I cannot stand my image on the mirror. My hair is a mess and I get stressed when touched, so it's hard to let my family help me with that. I can't sleep or I have terrible nightmare about the past. Even praying don't help anymore, but I don't wanna give up. I want to leave this country and start again far away from my childhood. I want to met a kind man and maybe have a daughter that I will protect and love like no one protect/love me in the past. But for that to happen, I really need to stay alive. It's like part of me is so hurt that she can't stand anymore. She just wants to fade and die. But I need to stay strong. Everyday I pray and repeat that it's all over. The horrible past is the past. That if I am alive, I have a future and need to fight for it. That I need to fight for me. When I was little, I had to fight with my surroundings. Now, what a irony, I need to fight my past self that lives in my mind. Just a rant after a nightmare... ""Fight for a better future""",2 " I don’t know how to describe how I feel. I can only write what comes to mind. Locked, restrained. Which, is very frustrating actually. But its tranquilized. Locked, again. I want to break the world. I’ve wanted to do so ever since I moved to a different continent as a child. A continent of which I did not know the language and was treated like shit. I was bullied for years, and my parents did not take it seriously. ‘He’s a child he’ll adapt’, that’s the feeling I got from them. Meanwhile I was afraid almost every night, knowing I have school tomorrow. I had to find ways to relieve myself from the constant anxiousness. I found a way to release dopamine by watching porn. I still watch it now, to find comfort in times of distress and anxiousness. I never seemed to heal from what happened those years I was abroad. Its tucked away somewhere, and honestly I don’t think I’ll ever find it again. I don’t believe people who tell me they enjoy my company, or say that I’m strong, or compliment me in whichever way. I say I do, and I convey my gratitude but, I don’t feel nothing. It’s always cold. And one person has shaken it’s foundation, but I can’t break it. It’s what allowed me to cope when my heart was open and able to receive. It’s closed now, and I don’t think it’ll ever open. I can’t connect with people, truly. I don’t want to. Sex is repulsive to me, and I find parents are ugly. That may sound odd, but I think their characters are selfish, naïve and ironically childish. I feel socially rejected, and my thoughts reflect that. I assume that anyone reading this would reject me all the same. And maybe that’s me. Or maybe it’s the identity and role I’m forced to play in order to explain how I feel about myself and the world. Even though society won’t accept me, they’ll place me in a category, and I’ll understand what is expected of me in relation to that. In the end I feel like we all just want to understand our place, and be content with that. I don’t know if I’m content with this but at least I understand, and can behave accordingly. At least I’m not as lost as I was as a child in an environment I did not know. At least I can live as such, where I cannot be taken advantage of, because I know what I am. I thought writing this out would help, but it doesn’t. jlkjkljkjdlkjlkjjlksfdjlkdjlkfklkjlfdsljkjljk; I’ve looked up for some kind of wire with plastic around it, so it wont cut into the throat too much. I hope maybe it will be more comfortable that way. Eventually cuts the oxygen and allow me to pass out. I won’t have the courage to do it though. It would have to be really impulsive, and that’s not who I am. Maybe if I damage myself to the extent where I’d be more susceptible to impulsive behavior, I would. I think I sound sick, but I believe I cant be cured. I’ve spend years in therapy and in clinics. It works a while because you’re put in a bubble. But eventually they all burst. Sometimes I think I’m better off in jail. Where people just condition me. I’ve got too much time, too much freedom to hurt myself. Society looks after the collective, not the individual. Good luck mfkjglj",2 "Ritalin is working good, the only problem is that it induces multiple frequent bowel movements for me, other than that I have no side effects. Doctor said that your body will adjust to it give it few months. Currently I am taking probiotics daily, I also eliminated all foods I was sensitive/ intolerant/ allergic to. I am still getting frequent bowel movements, I have to poop like every two hours in small quantities. Is there any way to combat this? I heard I can take fiber supplements, can I take them for long term? TIA",0 "When I was in a very active abusive household, the only way I could stop hearing screaming and yelling around the house and all the psychological torture I was forced to watch/hear as a child was by blasting loud electronic music into my headphones for hours on end, everyday. I'm an adult now and I still resort to doing this even when my house is dead silent. It didn't really bother me until recently, I found out rather abruptly that I could hear and less people calling my name, my phone ringing and following a simple conversation is becoming difficult. I can't even hear that I'm spoken to when the person is facing their back to me. I really don't know what to do to prevent major hearing loss, I don't know if it's already too late... I hate how bad my life is becoming, I thought I was finally going to be okay. Thank you for listening to me guys, I appreciated it.",3 "Tired of being triggered by everything, tired of having to constantly confront that my trigger is a “normal” human function. I don’t want to know that people have sex. I don’t want to know anything about it or think about it or see even the most abstract mentions of it. And I feel so stupid and childish for feeling that way because it’s just a thing that people do. I’m so tired of having ptsd. Part of my brain is constantly saying that everyone else is wrong and disgusting and I’m the only one that knows, and the other half knows that’s irrational and I should try and recover because it’s unhealthy. I just want to be normal",3 "About a year ago I was admitted to a mental hospital. There, I was yelled at and attacked by another patient who had schizophrenia. He scratched my neck up and even left a scar. Since this happened, I've noticed I'm much more sensitive to people raising their voice or pointing at me, it immediately makes me shake from nervousness, freeze up, or cry. I've also noticed that, maybe once every month or so, I can only ever think about this incident. It gets to the point where I completely zone out and can only play it over and over again in my head. These things aren't necessarily debilitating (although when I zone out and think about it, it's difficult to focus on anything else), but I am a little concerned about what is going on with me. Are these things symptoms of PTSD? If so, what are some things I can do for myself?",3 "Iam 21 yo male. I currently live with my parents and work full time. I miss the university life but i cant get it again and is one factor which weighs me down. Anyways, smoking the green once a week just helps me ease my thoughts and anxiety i have regarding my future life. It brings a small relaxation to end the week on. ( I smoke the green). So my question is, is it bad to smoke to help relax? And also should i risk being caught by parents. A part of me wants to be caught by them so i can be forced to tell them the anxiety i have been having for the past month. What is the right thing to do?",2 My mom is Bipolar 1 and my biggest fear has always been to be like her or have it and I really need medication for my OCD because it’s crippling at this point but My fear of medication and intrusive thoughts that I’m gonna trigger mania are keeping me from treatment. Does anyone know how high the odds are of this happening?,1 "I have no idea why I'm posting this here. I have no one to talk to about my depression but my dad (who can't understand me, but it's not his fault. He is a beautiful person). This is the second time in the last months that I woke up and feel deeply lonely, depressed and anxious at the same time. I just don't know why. I have not the force or the will to tell my whole story, it would take too much and nobody really cares. I just needed to let it out somewhere and Reddit is the first thing that came up in my mind. Started crying without a reason (I have never been a guy who cries easily). I have talked to my dad and he said ""don't worry it's okay, we will do anything we can to fix this"". He thinks it's because of an exam I have in few days. Maybe it is but I've never felt that way in the past. I've never got depressed because of an exam and I'm sure the exam is just the trigger, but there something more inside me. A monster who is trying to catch me and I'm exhausted of running and running and running.. I am thinking to seek help to psychologist. I don't feel myself anymore, I am losing my identity and this scares the fuck out of me. Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts, but I always managed to ""control"" this really bad thoughts. I have no energy. I don't know why. Sorry for my English, it is not my mother-language. And sorry for this post, I feel so miserable ..",2 "I have been prescribed Adderall and it has helped a lot, but I have been having a lot of issues actually getting the medication from CVS. The website keeps telling me that they are waiting on my psychiatrist's prior authorization, but she has been trying to get it to go through. My first months prescription took 3 weeks for the paperwork to process. This (the second) months meds are taking over a month to get, despite my psychiatrist trying to be helpful on her end. Am I doing something wrong or is CVS just being stupid.",0 "My clinical psychologist gave me a list of diagnostic impressions, and Unspecified Attention Deficit Hyperactivity (F.90.9) is listed. Does this mean I have ADHD or??? My clinical psychologist gave me a very vague overview of my report and I'm confused. If anyone here's good at reading these kind of reports and would appreciate if anyone here would help me understand it :). If not, it's totally ok!",0 I feel like a robot sometimes I don’t know if it’s because I’m used to being sad and that’s just my default emotion or because theres something wrong with me but I just can’t understand how I feel anymore existing is hell sometimes,2 "I know jumping from interest to interest is something that we tend to do but I am curious if there was something that you stuck with for a long time without losing interest? For me, there was one sport that stuck with me until my sophomore year of college, cheerleading! Something about throwing people in the air and trusting your body to flip upside down was always so scary but so exciting.. ugh i miss it lol!",0 "I work at a cracker barrel and I've made a lot of friends that work there as well. Last night it was slow and almost all of my work friends were working so we were messing around in the retail shop (where I work). They were drawing on my arm and one of them turns my arm over to draw on the other side. I used to sh a lot on the underside of my arm and hate people looking at that part of my arm. So I twist my arm quickly away and got really serious, unintentionally of course mainly out of instinct. The rest of the night went by and I went home. Tonight when I got to work another employee told me that my friend called them crying. I guess I scared her. Why am I such a fuck up all the time? Why couldn't I just let her write on my god damn arm? What the hell is wrong with me?",2 "Does anyone know what this could mean? It's always been like this... I feel like I'm never really alone, like I'm being watched or that I visualize myself in third person trying to not do something weird. This makes me rather stressed and I also have a hard time focusing sometimes because of this. When outside, I have to be aware of my surroundings just in case so there's no weirdo (ironic) around that could be dangerous.",3 "my anxiety has been horrid today, i tried journaling a little, didn’t really work, if not made it worse. these antidepressants aren’t doing shit. my body feels so tense, heavy, and full of fear and hopelessness. i’ll be starting EMDR hopefully soon. i still have to work for 3 more hours, and i’m just so tired. this fight is so fucking hard. i fucking hate it. i hate the person who took my humanity away from me, who changed my life for the worse. it may sound horrible to say, but if there were no consequences, i would love to make sure he has a slow painful painful death. hopefully karma will come around and do it for me at some point. i’ve got so much hatred in my heart for him, i think understandably so. i’ve been having flashbacks for the past hour, with seemingly no cause whatsoever. i’m sitting in the bathroom, and i’ve been in here for a solid 20 minutes, and i just can’t seem to muster the energy to finish this shift. i know i will have to at some point. god i fucking hate this so much.",3 "It is triggering. Nagging annoyance. The man tried to identify himself but no one would listen. They massively dosed him with psychiatric drugs and ignored him when he told them who he was. Then they used the affect of what they were doing to him as justification to go on doing it. Finally a doctor listened and inside a couple days, proved his story true and released him. This is basically the same thing done to me as a child. The lady who found me and got me released actually got me sent on to foster care. She had no idea the bad actors still had influence and saw to it that I was abused there as well. In my case by my family and corrupt people in positions of authority not lazy stupid cops. The doctors I saw were pretty nasty people though. I was held and abused to keep me silent about what I knew about my family and to damage me so they could claim I was making it all up. IDK what it I knew now except that one sexually abused me and tried to murder me for profit in staged accidents dozens of times and another physically and mentally abused me. The one who sexually abused me was a trainee at the place where it was all done to me. ​",3 "Hi everyone. Does anyone have recommendations, resources, or perhaps link to a similar post, about somehow summoning the energy, focus, or motivation to exercise when all three are completely gone? Thank you so much and wishing you all the best.",3 I'm a 35F and was diagnosed with ASD earlier this year. I'm looking for media to better understand autism and how to deal with it. I've googled around quite a bit but honestly haven't found very much that's helpful. So I am turning to y'all: **what ASD resources have been helpful or inspiring to you?**,3 "this September I finish my bachelor's degree and i start a one year long master's degree at a different uni. i don't know if i should try to make friends next year. all the friendships I've ever made have ended soon as the year, school or course has finished. or i attempt to make friends, fail and just humiliate myself. I feel like I've tried really hard to fit in with people my entire life and it's just never paid off. i know it's super pathetic. am i cowardly for wanting to make friends next year?",3 "I’m really panicking, my mum has arranged for the doctor to call me today about getting some help for my depression. But I haven’t planned out anything I’m going to say and now I’m so scared I can’t think what I need to say. Idek if my mum has already told them it’s for depression or whether I have to tell the doctor once they call. I’m scared of the doctors and last time I tried getting help I fucked up and called the wrong people and got laughed at, I’m really scared The logical part in my brain is saying “tell them how you feel” but idk how I feel- just bad? I can’t think straight, I’m panicking too much I just woke up and was told I have to tell someone about my depression?? Idk what I want the doctors to do either. I’m scared he’s gonna ask questions I don’t have answers to I wanted mum to help me get help not force me!! I feel like I’m gonna throw up and idk when they’re gonna call. Someone please tell me what I’m supposed to say when I get on the phone",2 "So. The story's pretty cliché now I guess. After a lifetime of struggling, attempts and failures, I've finally got an appointment setup with a neuropsychologist to be tested for ADHD. Except, during my intake appointment I was told that they couldn't diagnose me unless they could get evidence of symptoms existing before I was 12. I know that I've been having symptoms of, well, what my therapist has told me is probably ADHD, since as long as I can remember. But when I was younger I had severe, often debilitating, anxiety. My parents have never had any clue when I was struggling because I did everything in my power to make sure they never knew. Same goes for teachers, school staff, everybody. To my terrified child brain, any attention paid to me was bad attention, so I avoided it. Even my one supportive parent, doing the best they can, would never be able to provide any supporting information. Because they didn't know. Literally when I told them I was seeking diagnosis, they told me ""I didn't know you were struggling"". I'm an adult now. I've been struggling. I'm tired of struggling. I guess I'm just scared. Will I be able to get a diagnosis? I don't know what else there is for me. It feels like I've tried everything. Nothing's worked. The most positive progress I've ever made in my life was being told by a therapist ""you should get tested"" and now it feels like I've come so far and my last chance at life is being ripped away from me. I know that a diagnosis isn't the end-all-be-all, but I was hoping that at least it would introduce something new in my life that I haven't already tried.",0 "I apologize for the word-vomit but I’m desperate for advice at this point. Today I started up checking things compulsively again. I was reading up on my school’s policies and accidentally stumbled upon the “code of conduct” page with links to submit reports and stuff. Out of curiosity, I clicked the “submit a report” link and it took me to a digital form. I scrolled thru to see what it looks like, then scrolled back to the top and clicked off the page. Didn’t “submit a report”, but I looked at it. Then I got that pit in my stomach that I always get when my anxiety starts up. “*Did* I fill something out, and I just didn’t realize? Did I check any boxes by accident? Did I accidentally sign in and the form was auto-filled with my info? Do the forms get sent to student conduct even if I don’t click ‘submit’?” So I checked again. Scroll up-and-down on my phone screen like 5 times, carefully with my fingers as to not accidentally click a box or type a letter. Scroll down to check that everything was empty, scroll to the top, scroll down again cuz I have that pit of worry in my stomach. Then eventually scroll back to the top of the form and click the “X” to get rid of the page. Except I kept at it. Click on “submit a report/complaint” or whatever, be redirected to the report form, scroll down slowly, scroll up slowly, repeat 2-5 times, scroll back up when comfortable and exit the page (literally clicking the ‘X’). Plus everytime I’d exit out of the page(s) I’d clear my browsing history. Of course it’d always be that feeling of “one more time…this doesn’t feel right”, and I’d keep going back. There were one or two times where I didn’t realize I’d forgot to go into private browsing until I had cleared the page(s) out and practically had a heart attack with worry that that made any difference or detriment. Basically just an hour of my compulsions ruining everything for me mentally. Click on my school’s “submit a report” link, the form opens in a new tab, scroll up and down to make sure it didn’t auto-fill my info (everytime I was worried I was accidentally signed in even though I don’t think I was). Keep re-checking the same boxes to make sure they were empty, until I was comfortable, then exit the page (I didn’t submit anything to my knowledge — some boxes said ‘required’ on them so it probably wouldn’t have allowed it to be submitted even if I *did* accidentally hit ‘submit’). This must’ve gone on at least 25-30 times. An hour before this occurred I had signed in to my student account via the same device. This whole time, my wifi was off, and I was using cellular data. What I’m worried about is that an hour before my compulsive episode, I had logged into my school account to check something unrelated, which means that the IP address connected to me when I checked my grades was likely the *same* IP address logged as having accessed that “report form” 25-30 times in that next hour. What I’m worried about now is that I: 1. May have accidentally submitted a form (even though I don’t think I did) 2. May have accidentally filled some part of the form out (even though I don’t think I did) 3. Could be tied to the same IP address, since I logged into my account this morning, and thus get in trouble for interacting with the form if the school’s IT Department sees logs of that activity (and have the IP address traced back to me) 4. Will have violated student code of conduct for “falsely submitting a report” (even though, as far as I know, being 99% sure, that I never filled out or submitted anything); I *did* go to that same form over 25 times within the hour though 5. Or, that the forms *do* submit to the conduct office even if you don’t *hit* submit (like, if you exit out of the page and don’t hit submit, that the form still goes to them and they could see it; in which case they’d likely get 25-30 forms from the same IP) All I can think about is that I’ll get a phone call or other form of communication, like an email, saying that I’m gonna get in trouble for what I did. My OCD has ruined my whole day, and has been on-and-off spiking for the past month. I’m in therapy, but I don’t want to bother my therapist all the time. I can’t get back on my meds right now; I was supposed to last month but…I was taking D8 gummies for a few weeks (up until two nights ago) and the THC is probably still in my system, so I’m worried if my school psych doctor did a urine test that I’d get in trouble for having THC metabolites in my system and get put into dr*g counseling or something. (My school offers free psych services so I wanted to try them out; I had an appointment but cancelled due to fear of the *possible* urine testing). I was taking the D8 to shut my brain up so I could just think about *nothing* and get some sleep, as I still have panic attacks when I wake up in the morning (and at least 2 panic attacks per day on my bad days). If anything happens for whatever reason or I get a sanction on my record because of my stupid compulsive checking habits (like if my worries are potentially right), I will probably end it. I don’t have a plan, but the ideas keep going thru my head lately. It’s almost comforting to know I have a way out of this. Idk. I genuinely don’t know what I’d do. I hate my brain. I hate my life. I hate myself and what I put myself thru. Somebody please tell me I’m not crazy. I need advice. I can’t stop shaking and crying.",1 "I have (I believe that I do) pocd.. could i/is it possible to tell the ocd therapist my specific symptoms? Does it have to be 100% the same thing as the diagnostic criteria that's being used? Cuz that's what I'm scared of since it isn't 100% exactly like it ig... (On some sites it says impulses, others it says urges and I've seen sites have both..) I get like.... intrusive feelings/urges alot more then intrusive thoughts ig... Update: I forgot to ask"" what is it gonna be like?",1 "Hey all, first post here. apologies if it’s worded odd, I’m writing this as it comes to my head. So here we are, 23, got my own place, working a decently paying pizza delivery job. My apartment is a mess, but that’s kinda expected when almost every night I come home exhausted and wanting to do nothing but sleep, life’s going pretty good in retrospect. Everyone at work enjoys me being there, and I’m constantly held in high regards by both co-workers and managers. I really don’t do anything special to get this kind of praise; if someone needs help and I can assist I’ll try to help out, but that’s really not out of the ordinary for anyone to do. I’ll get off work and meet some people at a bar, and it’s the same kind of overwhelming praise. Super happy to see me, making jokes like we’ve known each other for years, stuff like that. It feels like no matter who I interact with or where it happens, I’m always viewed in a bright, jovial light. As desirable as all that may sound, I really cannot take the weight of constant positivity. I feel like I do not live up to the romanticized version people view me as. I hate being told I’m the MOST caring person they have met when we have only talked a handful of times, and I hate being told I’m THE BEST when I know I am far from that. I feel so inadequate to what people view me as. I’m not perfect by any means, nobody is. I have one of the worst memories, and I truly have no idea where I will be in five years. I procrastinate doing any task until the last minute, and rather spend my time playing games or watching tv than actually being productive with my life. That’s my life. Nothing special, just average. Its rare that anyone in those situations asks me to hang out. I get treated like I’m some super special person, but the minute I walk away I feel like I’m forgotten. Especially in my old high school group of friends I feel this. I’ll be invited to group gatherings, but nothing more than that. And when I try to express myself to them, be it asking about going to a concert or hanging out at my apartment, it goes ignored or other plans that “everyone enjoys” are made. Outside of that group it seems so rare for anyone to hit me up to hang out, it all just makes me feel so confused. I’m thrown extremely overwhelming love, and at the same time feel ignored by my surroundings. I feel like I can’t express any dark or intrusive thoughts to anyone because I’m expected to be this happy easy going guy all the time. I have no idea what to do. I don’t want to be living like this.",2 "Hey, I (19M) have been on Atomoxetine (Strattera) for a month now, taking 50mg a day (I initially had some nasty side effects but they went away)But I haven’t felt any changes. I’ve read a lot of stories on here about people finally feeling normal and being able to get work done after starting their meds, but honestly, I haven’t experienced none of that and it’s starting to get rather discouraging. I thought things would get easier after getting diagnosed and starting medication but so far, literally nothing in me has changed! Will increasing my dosage be effective?Is there anything I can do to enhance the drug’s function? Any advice is appreciated!",0 I’m constantly afraid that I don’t wanna see the next day and it gets worse right before bed! Like I’m worried that i might actually wanna die but I know I don’t but I can’t stop worrying about it and arguing with myself cause the feeling I get like I want it is so bad and it’s so scary!! Help!!,1 "I think this needs to be said but this whole entire society just isn’t meant for any of us. It’s so hard to socialize and fit in with the crowd. Also tasks that are easy for NTs are often hard for us. I read a Reddit post a while ago stating that suicide is often higher in people with ASD and that assisted suicide is eligible in other countries for people with ASD. It’s hard to communicate with others and it’s hard to find normal jobs, drive a car, start a business, start an relationship. and get cards. I wonder if people with ASD also have trouble relating to other people with ASD.",3 "Researchers at the University of Virginia are conducting a study to investigate the impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic on those with chronic health conditions. If you would like to participate, please fill out this survey: [https://virginiahsd.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_9Hc8nBMFRN64kAu](https://virginiahsd.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9Hc8nBMFRN64kAu). The survey will take about 5-10 minutes of your time. If you choose to provide your contact information, you will be entered in a raffle for a $50 Visa gift card. You can also sign up to participate in an interview at the end of this survey. If you complete an interview, you will receive a $25 Visa gift card.",1 "If you're sure you don't want a baby, it's so frustrating if someone keeps saying ""in a few years you will change your mind"" or ""you're saying that because you don't have a baby yet"". And it's the same as when you're suicidal and sure that is a burden having to make it by the end of every day, then someone says ""good things will happen"" or ""you'll change your mind later, it takes time"" when? how long? I've waited for 10 years and nothing changed. And i'm tired, living is nothing but a pain now. I wish someone would just tell me that they'd be happy when i was gone, as they knew i'd be at a better place and i didnt have to suffer anymore.",2 "So I do not think I have very bad ocd but I do think I have it somewhat. But I just wanted to see if anyone else had something like this. Basically something will happen or I will see something online and I will get a huge urge to tell someone or else something will happen. This has been going on forever but now is the first time I’m really trying to fight it. For example I am really bad with anything scary and so I heard a song that triggers me personally on tiktok and I got a huge urge to tell my mom (who my urge usually tells me to tell) the first time I did but I just heard it again and I’m obviously not saying anything because I’m trying to fight it. Basically I have a long list of things in my mind that my brain says “tell mom”. Before, I complied and so it only happened once in a while, but now I don’t comply so it happens everyday and while I’m getting better at fighting the ocd it’s trying to attack me more if that makes sense. I hope this wasn’t to confusing, any responses would be appreciated 🙂",1 "(i was never diagnosed with OCD) i have HOCD now. Before hocd, i was like obsessed about the condition of My teeth and i would search the internet for symptoms/how to prevent it. It's not just about my teeth but also other health conditions. I once feared if I have scoliosis and I search on the internet also. When i was a child i was so scared of getting cancer and i will check myself if i have lumps. Before, i have random palpitations and i also looked it up on the internet and i read about heart attack i was so scared i searched for symptoms and etc. While i have hocd, i was also obsessing about what if i have depression (since i get sad about HOCD but now i have less anxiety about it), i search about it on internet like the symptoms and i dug deeper into other mental illnesses such as ""do i have bipolar disorder?"" and the cycle continues i also searched for bipolar disorder symptoms. is this OCD?",1 "I don’t really believe I have it. I’m constantly invalidating it, I feel my trauma is insignificant, that it isn’t that big of a deal, etc. I don’t think my symptoms are severe enough, I feel I’m being dramatic and making things up. But then there are reasons I probably *do* have it. I feel so sad for inner child me and so many other emotions I am ready to process with my therapist. I’m very very grateful for her but there’s so much going on inside my heart and head.",3 "I know its pretty valid to have odd triggers depending on our trauma, but sometimes I feel like they make me a bad person or hurt others because of how they effect me. Such as buzzcuts, on men or women, they scare me and my mind almost immediatly thinks that person will hurt me, even though it feels very mean to say because OF COURSE not everyone but it feels like such a redflag for me. Or people who almost only draw buff men or have profile pictures I see as “aggresive” because it isnt some cutsey hello kitty shit or something. It feels wrong but also it makes me panic, and it can be the most specific thing! I start thinking these people who look like, or draw that matierial are all apart of some group that hates me, with my ex abuser being their leader of sorts, its hard not to believe when i feel like around every corner theres going to be someone to hurt me.",3 "Hi friends! Title says it all really. I’ve been scrolling this sub with my jaw on the floor for days now. My focus, memory and consistency has been pretty awful for years but because of bouts of depression I didn’t consider ADHD until earlier this year - I’m so pleased to say that I’ve finally got a diagnosis and am starting with slow release Methylphenidate today. Medication aside, I’m on cloud nine right now because I feel SEEN in this sub. I knew things weren’t quite right but always thought it was just me. I’ve devoured all your comments and stories here, found my way to How to ADHD on YouTube and am just in awe at how much I relate to everything being said, from poor time vision to inconsistency to managing relationships. Fingers crossed the meds make a difference but either way I feel I have so many strategies and different approaches to try thanks to this sub. Thanks guys - any advice for my first few days of meds is very much appreciated",0 "I experienced some heavy stuff in a house under a bridge, this house has been demolished some time ago but I still sometimes visit it. I cant say that I deal well with what I presume to be my ptsd from the events that went there, but knowing that I had to wake up almost every day and go to that house against my will and do something I hated now that I am free from doing that it just feels both nice and terrible at the same time. On one hand I am happy to see it demolished, it makes me feel like I've went through it and now im finally safe. On the other hand it reminds me of everything that happened there and everything that is even now happening at home because of the events that happened at that house.",3 "I just had the most amazing dream this night. I want to have a gf that loves me eventho I havent been that lucky for 25 years ( my parents are amazing, dont get me wrong). In that particular dream I met this amazing girl. I cant remember how she looked but the whole night I had this amazing feeling and its been like that for hours since Ive woken up. It is weird, but hopefully its gonna come true. I just wanted to get this out of my chest, might not help anyone, but there is still hope for everyone, when I AM capable of feeling better. Good luck on ur path. Sorry for my english.",2 "I know I'm supposed to go to the doctor but I'm going to ask. To anyone who has OCD, does anyone experience to chew your nails and biting inside your mouth often even in your life? I don't want to be the only one who struggles with it",1 "Hello everyone, I’m 23 with ADHD and I recently became a teacher at a secondary school. I have several students with ADHD who are struggling with the usual problems - low motivation in class, not doing homework etc. While I relate to their experience, as a teacher I am struggling with how to help them. Especially the ones who are super smart but hate my subject. Any advice or tips?",0 "My workload this week was MUCH more than I usually have on my plate. I had to rearrange my daily routine around, but I was hanging in there. I'm great with adapting and thinking on my feet at work. Mon-Thurs I was exhausted but it wasn't affecting my mood or anything. Then halfway through totally I totally derailed. I got a phone call halfway through my day that started with some VERY VERY good news.... and ended being informed of some very stressful upcoming things I have to take care of. I went from grateful, excited, surprised to feeling panicked, lost and hopeless all within the span of a 10 minute call. That's all it took and the rest of my work day went down the drain. My mind was going a million miles a minute doing anything but work. I could not snap out of it for the life of me. I guess that was the straw that broke the camel's back. TL;DR - I had a rollercoaster of a day and I didn't handle it well. It got me thinking about how stress responses vary. What does your overwhelmed reaction look like? Do you get stuck or easily snap out of it?",0 "(feel free to skip to the question)I have suffered from multiple childhood sexual abuse and emotional abuse. I went to cbt therapy. I was about to start therapy for my disassociation and then my therapist went on holiday and when holiday season was over, I found out she quit and then I had to wait for a new therapist. I connected well with my therapist but even I could tell my therapist was going through something. I’m just happy that she is putting her mental health first and wish her the best. My new therapist said that she has to assess me again because my last therapist didnt leave anything. So I had to restart and I honestly didnt feel comfortable with her I felt very undermined and not taken seriously. She said shes not a psychiatrist so she cant assess me and diagnose me even tho thats in her job description. The question: Im going to skip to the main part. She gave stupid solutions and in result of that I quit. she is telling me that having random nightmares not necessarily about a flashback but for example being attacked in your nightmare is meant to be linked to your ptsd and to your trauma and Im just wondering if thats true? Plus I feel like being mindful and knowing that I have ptsd now has helped me so much in certain situations I am more aware of my actions but I’m still struggling and dont think therapy has helped me or can help me.",3 Does anyone else sleep with the tv on all night or at least part of it? As some sort of comforting thing or something like that? I do to the point that if the tv turns off or anything freezes or etc i wake up and need to have something playing to fall back asleep.,3 "I keep going back and forth with my trust in my T. Two steps forward one step back. How do y'all deal with it? I definitely click with my T. During session they asked some deep questions and I said that's the part I take to my grave. They said no problem but then touched on it next session. This guy I know (who also is anxious but smart) said the more you say you don't want things in the notes the more likely it goes in the notes since you keep bringing it up. I trust my T but know they mold themselves to you. They reassure but keep notes on obvious issues. I'm probably going to bring this up with my T but then fear it will be more in the notes! It's just messed up I know I need to be open with them but being open scares the crap out of me. If they didn't take notes I'd be MUCH easier....",3 "I hate to have this kind of policy, as it tends to invoke negative feelings. But as of late I feel like I'm always on edge. I feel like I have to constantly be on the lookout. Constantly. I feel like I can't trust anyone. Maybe some family members, and a few close friends, but that's it. I feel like I have to beware of strangers, ESPECIALLY ones that act friendly. Wolves in sheep's clothing. Recently I had someone blindside me. This person isn't the cause of my PTSD, but because of my PTSD, because of my past trauma, I was totally unprepared to deal with this person. I totally did not see this coming. This person who I encountered in my work environment, who I had (seemingly at first) a good rapport became verbally abusive to me out of the blue one day. I handled it, and don't have to deal with them anymore. But I feel like this person somehow saw something in me they thought they could take advantage of. And part of me is mad at myself for letting my guard down. What did I say or do to make this person think they could treat me like this with such impunity? I find myself second guessing myself. Was I too nice? Did I try to be too helpful? I must have let my facade slip, and I did not carry myself hard enough. They saw the softer side of me, the naturally friendly side, and thought I was going to be their next victim. You give some people an inch, and the next thing you know they want to take a mile. I feel like I can't be friendly to people. I have to be harsh. I have to be mean. I have to fix them with my cold stare, and speak in an icy tone. Don't dare smile. I can't be kind, because there are too many people out there who see kindness as weakness. Don't let anyone in, don't let anyone get close. Don't trust anyone.",3 "I am told I don’t listen. I interrupt. I am rude, dismissive and need to work on my etiquette. I don’t know how to have a conversation or do small talk. The person who complained about my small talk then complained about my small talk.",3 God the pain and nostalgia and insecuritys I feel all at the same time looking at old pictures looking at myself I have so many flashbacks and guilt bc of past events a lot of it was when me and my brothers seperated from my toxic mom and at one point I was the only one there my mom was rlly trying to make me happy plus I feel so fat back then and that I never should've took my shirt off at the beach I've had insecurities ever since I was 10 hard to think I was so depressed back then when I had to hide it from my family then when I finally broke down I felt realized but terrible damm I wish I never scrolled through my mom's account I feel so terrible now,3 "It’s nearly 5 am, and I am up. I want to sleep but my work is keeping me up. I am ghost writing a novel with someone where there are chapters with graphic sexual abuse, rape and torture. It’s triggering me so badly, but I don’t want to quit this project, it’s a good story. But I can’t sleep.",3 """Asperger's isn't the correct term anymore"", coming from someone who is NT and has no experience with people like us. Does this annoy anyone else ever so slightly? How can a 'NT' with no family history of Autism/Asperger's have the audacity to tell someone who does have Asperger's, they shouldn't use that term? It's my choice to call myself whatever the fuck I want. It's like telling a black person who references his race as ""black"", that ""They should call themselves African American"". No, he can call himself whatever the hell he wants. It's his identity, not yours. You don't get to make that decision for them. Are these short sighted assholes really thinking we're mentally handicapped and don't understand what we're saying or something? Are they just ignorant morons who fail at even the basic concepts of common consideration that *we* ironically should be the ones struggling more with? We're not stupid, we're explicitly calling it Asperger's because it's the best and most easily universally understood label. Saying ""I'm autistic"" has an extremely negative tone still. I'm not changing the label because people who don't have the label don't like it. 🖕",3 "Hi everyone. I was wondering if it was normal to feel the way I do. I want to cry so so so so bad but I'm physically unable to. And that itself makes me so frustrated that I want to cry even more but... of course... I can't cry. Am I alone?",2 "Hi I’m in my mid 30s and I really want friends IRL I’m looking for friends to play dolls with or color. I’m really childlike and I can’t help it normal adult stuff never interested me. I can’t find anyone my age to be friends with so I’m alone in my room all the time. I am depressed. There is no autism meetups by me for anyone my age. I live with my parents and they’re sick of me always asking for friends. I play a lot of VR gaming like VR chat to make friends but they’re all younger than me and then eventually they outgrow me. I just want a friend to be silly with go toy shopping maybe 5 below and then get milkshakes or maybe have a sleepover. I’m 34 and female. But yeah alone because nobody my age is like this. I got left in the dust. I tried joining various discord VCs and got bullied off for being “retarded” so I don’t bother. The world hates me.",3 "-I'm a lonely, 30 year old guy who suffers from a chronic health condition nobody believes, despite my efforts to learn about proof of it. - I have zero talents or intelligence, having previously been fired from every job I've been in, including voluntary ones, for being incompetent. - My family once had me confined to a mental hospital, for madness and claiming I was pretending to be ill, under the guise of claiming I was suicidal. The experience has remained on my records ever since, and is the first thing anyone sees - in other words every doctor I see thinks I'm mad. - I have never found love, not even a boyfriend. I'm nerdy, ugly, physically weak and incredibly stupid. - It took me my entire lifetime just to begin to learn to tie my shoes. Whenever I try to learn something I can call a hobby, I fail at it for years. People who try to teach me frequently give up because I'm too hopeless. Absolute beginners and people much much younger than me are better than me at everything I do. - I live in total fear of my health. I can't even sleep, bathe or eat when I wish for my symptoms. - The one thing I thought I did right in my life - a time working in Zambia before my health turned - I later learned not only was I stupidly bad at it, but they'll never allow me back if my health does improve. - I only have a single friend left. Everyone else has given up on me. - From the start I'm an extremely weird person. A gay, furry nerd who acts like a child, enjoys childish things and can't do anything on his own. There's literally nothing in my life to be happy about. Every waking moment of my life is taken up by failure, illness and loneliness. I genuinely have nothing to live for, but I also don't want to stop living. If just one person believed in me about my health, maybe I could start changing things myself, but they don't, therefore I'm bedbound for god knows how many more years until my prince comes. I just continue to browse my phone, lying down, and hoping for a miracle. Until then I'm fated to suffer alone, die alone and only be remembered for being a wasteful life.",2 "Hey again. I'm the guy who, due to GeneSight results, tried to switch from Paxil 10mg to Anafranil, failed, tried again, failed, tried to switch to Viibryd instead, failed, all within the span of this summer. Since the last failed attempt maybe two weeks ago, I've been going up on my Paxil. We upped it to 20mg this past Sunday and odds are I'm just gonna keep going higher. It's been a challenging time in general but for some reason I felt confident about trying a medication change. But dropping Paxil to go to Anafranil is incredibly difficult (if we were even doing it right), and then at the beginning of this month my OCD took a form I was totally unprepared for, which is the primary reason why everything went to shit. The other reason it all went to shit is the fact that I ended up in the ER one day due to being overwhelmed by the disorder, only to find that the place was a bit of a mess, possibly due to covid straining medical facilities everywhere. So I kinda don't want to try a different medication again for... a while. I don't want to try a different medication again until covid's moreorless gone and hospitals are reasonably normal again. The GeneSight test said that my Paxil is... I dunno, I forget, something about efficacy. It was in the middle column. Yet everyone I talk to (even professionals!!) has a different take on GeneSight, its effectiveness, what it actually does, and so on. GeneSight was also the reason we put me on L-Methylfolate Calcium, which I stopped in an effort to re-stabilize myself to where my brain was at before this summer started. That's the name of the game right now - just waiting for the Paxil to balance back out. In fact, I might go up to the actual recommended therapeutic dose of Paxil and see how things go from there. I know how Paxil works with me and my body, so... might as well give that a fair shot, right? We fucked around with the Paxil all summer, up and down, mostly down, so I'm hoping it'll build back up in my system as fast as possible (only increasing based on how the psych says to). After the mess of things from this summer, if I have been taking the Paxil consistently now, maybe 10mg for a week and then 20mg since Sunday, should I start seeing things return to normalcy soon? Or will it still take up to 6 weeks anyway even though I wasn't completely off of it for very long? Also, the new form of the OCD involves really disturbing, really upsetting intrusive and unwanted thoughts. It's been *years* since I've had to deal with this kind of thing. I'm kinda totally unprepared. I keep trying to tell myself that anything regarding the subject in question (it's something I don't want to bring up here, it's embarrassing) is automatically likely my OCD fucking with me. But it's hard because my thoughts *are* my thoughts, aren't they? *I* made the decision to think them, didn't I? Or... is that part of the OCD too? I mean, if it were truly up to me, I wouldn't be thinking these things. I dunno. I've been trying to do things I've heard with exposure stuff, like not engaging/responding to the image, letting it sit there, but then I feel worse for feeling like I'm staring at the image (""am I a bad person for staring at this thing""). I'm also transitioning between therapists right now and I'm not acquainted with the new one enough yet to know if I'm comfortable sharing this new shit with her, I've basically only been describing what things were like with the OCD up until the start of this month. So yeah... any advice would be greatly appreciated. And again, I'm not a doctor or anything, I'm kind of an idiot, so listen to your docs and don't take what I say as genuine medical advice because I usually have no idea what I'm talking about lol",1 "Hi all, I'm in the process of learning about ADHD and trying to find a doctor who will test me (long waiting list where I live). I'm interested in how people differentiate between laziness/0 motivation and ADHD because I really struggle to start/do things. How do I know/guess which is which? Also I see a lot of ""does anyone else..."" Posts here and I'm never sure if they're ADHD symptoms or something else. If you have any tips on differentiating the two, that would be great! It's making it really confusing. Thanks in advance :)",0 "Every day feels the same. Lame, alone, pretty much isolated from everything. Nobody seems to want to talk to me or do something… Whats it even worth if there is nothing to live for? How do you stay motivated, happy and thankful? It’s hard for me at the moment :-(",2 "Long time lurker. 27 years old I was diagnosed with ‘aspergers’ at a young age, though, I was too young to remember. It was swept under the rug by my parents, and I only found out recently. Being a veteran in the United States, my only health care is the VA. Ive been attempting to pursue an official assessment through their mental health department, but I get written off because ‘you’re a veteran you can’t be on the spectrum’ and that’s a generous explanation when I’m not being straight declined for help. I’m at my boiling point. I don’t have a support net, I’m looking at months to get any type of therapy through the VA. I feel so alone in a world where I don’t belong. Thanks Reddit, for letting me vent, and sharing your stories with me.",3 SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME. MY HEART PHYSICALLY HURTS. I WANT OUT. I’m a normal teenage girl WHY ME. please. I want to be happy. This isn’t fair. WHY CANT I BE HAPPY. SOMEONE HELP ME,2 "Hey all, just wanted to reach out and say that I was diagnosed with OCD yesterday related to a couple casual sexual encounters I had with a woman a couple months ago. My primary fear is that this encounter with her will ruin my life, which switched from pregnancy then to HIV (and then when I tested negative for HIV) back to pregnancy. At first my fear was that the condom broke without us realizing or it came out the base of the condom, then I read a comment on Reddit about baby trapping that instantly veered my fears towards her trying to get pregnant with the used condom I left at her place. Despite the fact that she mentioned in passing before we had sex that she has an IUD and then stated it multiple times afterwards over text when I was asking questions about her birth control and then finally said that she had gotten a pregnancy test with her STD screening and that she was all clear in every facet. In my mind, she's bold face lying to me and is going to come after me for child support if not now then in the future because she's going to have sent my sperm to a lab using an in-home freezing kit. Crazy? Maybe, but man it's killing me. Last night I then found out through her social media that she has borderline personality disorder, which has significantly elevated my depression and anxiety. I'm trying to stay strong and am going to read a book on OCD that my psychologist recommended before we start ERP officially, but I really feel like what I fear is just going to come true and there's nothing I can do about it. My life feels like it's completely over. I start medical school in a week and a half and mentally I'm already a wreck. This doesn't feel like how my life was supposed to play out - I was a generally happy guy before all this. I don't know why I made this post. It just feels nice I guess to lay it all out to you guys and I figure maybe some people can relate to non-contamination / self harm / other stereotypical OCD fears. Take care all <3 It can be tough out there.",1 "Hey guys. I could use some advice, motivation and to hear your own experiences. Recently went to a new Doctor, who put me on bipolar meds because of my impulsiveness. I have no other symptoms of bipolar. So obviously they haven't been working, even though I've tried 3 kinds at different dosages. If anything they are making things worse That Dr and my therapist have casually stated I have ADHD but my Dr has never offered any medication or evaluation or official diagnosis. My sister has ADHD and I have suspected it on my own for years. It's why I first saw him anyway. BUT, He says he wants to ""fix"" my impulsiveness first (even though I feel that's not the main issue). I have an appointment with him Monday where I am going to request an evaluation or Diagnosis for ADHD. I sent him a message yesterday to start the conversation (also so I wouldn't wimp out again). But incase he won't listen to me, I made an appointment with a local psych nurse who specializes in adult ADHD. Her office is nearby, but apparently the appointment will be via Zoom. Can she still prescribe medication (specifically stimulants)? Can she diagnose/evaluate me via Zoom? Could use advice, motivation, or to hear your own experiences.",0 "For ASD guys, who have or have had girlfriends, how did you meet? What are the best ways to meet women? Friends? Bars? Tinder or Hinge? Any advice on how to get into the dating market or find a ONS.",3 "Good morning everyone. I’m not sure where to begin so I’ll get right to it. I am diagnosed as having schizoaffective disorder (like schizophrenia and bipolar has a child together). That being said, I recently started to wonder if maybe I have Aspergers. I am a female, and I check most of the boxes so far. Researching about this more makes my whole life make sense actually. Now the suck part. Right now my psych has me on antipsychotics, and won’t entertain an ASD diagnosis. I haven’t even had full on psychosis. What can I do? Should I get a second opinion? I don’t know guys.",3 "Does anyone else take breaks in the middle of the work/school day to check social media/news sites etc because work just isn't doing it for you? I ask this because, more often than not, these breaks turn into time gobbling endless scrolls and they eat into my productivity. I often feel that they are ""necessary"" as in, I will ""miss out"" on something if I don't do it. If anyone experiences this, do you have any tips/tricks to avoid it or quell the urge?",0 "When I was younger I did weird things with my cousins and sometimes siblings now it was consintual and I deeply regret it and would never do it again we were all around the same age group at the time And now my Mind is saying I’m a pedophile i know I would never date a kid or try to have sex with a kid but this is scary man",1 I often notice that I can tell how bad or good my day will be with how well I slept. I wish I could sleep good every night but it’s hit or miss and I don’t know how to improve it. I really am two different people depending on how well I slept the night before. If I slept good then I can be so cheerful no anxiety and love everyone. If I slept bad I can hate the world and have severe anxiety and I know it’s going to happen and I can’t stop it. Is anyone else like this? What did you do to help you sleep better? Thank you,3 "Does anyone know anything about colour therapy glasses and if they help with sensory issues? I'm having a hard time finding autism-specific info on them, but I heard they can help with some type of overwhelm that prevents reading well or smth",3 "I have foot fetish and i try so hard to not look down in my home even though i don't get attracted to my family's feet now the story is. I was looking at cats with my younger cousin and she was wearing slippers and i was uncomfortable a few minutes later in corner of my eye i thought she was waring closed slippers i looked at it to confirm it so i don't have to be uncomfortable no they were open slippers then i felt like i was a ""P"" how can i get over this i had no attraction not even groinal response How can i get over this?",1 "At this point I am wondering if anything like ECT, brain surgery, or a medically induced stroke can remove my memories so I can start life as a new person. So this burden of memories and this life of thinking of the past and dragging the trauma with me so often can end.",3 "When I (F24) was 19, I hanging out with a friend at her apartment with a guy and we were drinking. All of a sudden me and my friend got really sleepy and intoxicated (after only 2 drinks) and I laid down on the couch to rest. The man started touching me and whispering things into my ear, but I hadn’t finished my drink (even though he kept insisting i should) so I was able to sit up and move away from him. But my friend was completely out of it and he started doing the same thing to her. I stopped him and told him to leave her alone. The next day, I went to get dinner with this friend and she hadn’t told me that he would be there. It seemed liked he could tell I knew something and he wasn’t happy to see me either. After dinner, I told my friend what had happened and she told me to “take it with a grain of salt”. A few months later, a different friend explained to me what had happened was sexual assault. Fast forward to this past summer, I was laying in bed and realized that I couldn’t move. I had never had sleep paralysis before, but I knew thats what was happening. I couldn’t open my eyes but i felt like there were two people there. One if them was touching me and they were talking to each other and laughing. When I woke up, I was alone in my room. Something clicked and i realized it was the same feeling i had had that night and that he had probably slipped something into our drinks. I identify as lesbian, but I feel like my fear of men is whats holding me back from dating them. This is just one story, but have a long, negative history with many men in my life and I’m wondering if this is a common/normal response. Does sleep paralysis have anything to do with trauma? Do other women feel a similar way?",3 "That’s got to be the one of the worst symptoms of autism: lack of town regulation and body language awareness. You come off rude but you have zero idea that you did because all you know you did was say things, you thought nothing of how your voice changed or how your posture changed, but those things appeared rude or strange in a very negative, suspicious way. Then other people treat you as if you have actually verbally attacked them, fight back, and then gaslight you into to thinking you were the one who started the fight. And the worst part? Because of my autism and lack of awareness, It could’ve all been real without my knowledge, even though it’s feels like a conspiracy theory against you.",3 "Hello ! 25m here. (This happened about a month ago but I’ve been thinking about it right now and i became suspicious! ) So i went to see a new psychiatrist and he was more like a drug dealer than a psychiatrist tbh, because he asked me what my problem was and i told him that i think i have ADHD and he said “so what do you exactly want from me” and i said well it’s ruining my life and i want to fix it! And he prescribed 50 mg Vyvanse without asking anything else or taking any test from me! I went home and took one and after about an hour i was feeling good, like REAL GOOD! Everything in life became amazing to me ! I would look at the walls in my room and be like : Wow this is great life is so amazing. All of my depression, anxiety... were gone! I even texted a girl I’ve been hating on because she rejected me. So i said i gotta use this to do all the works i wanted to do for years ( i want to learn a 3D animation software ). I sat down and played the tutorial video and after a minute i was like : nah i feel good i gotta go out with my friends let me call them. I NEVER CALL MY FRIENDS TO GO OUT,because i have fucked up social anxiety and I’m always unmotivated to do anything. So we went out and the whole time i was talkative and energetic af and i just wanted to do something! So everything went well that night except when I arrived at home I checked my heart rate and it was at 170 bpm while i was sitting! And a little while later i started to feel pain in my chest and heart area and i noticed my left hand was in pain the whole time, also the left side of my face and my back were in pain too. I went to hospital they checked everything and said you’re fine. but i had pain in some spot of my heart 4 days after that. Anyway I’ve been thinking about this and i feel like i may not have adhd because of how i felt that day and I don’t really remember but i think i still was inattentive! I didn’t get to test my attention that day tho. So what do you guys think? Do you think that i might not have adhd after all ? Or you think i felt that way because i started with 50mg? Thanks in advance.",0 "TW: In-detail child sex abuse, incest I've been having really distressing reoccurring thoughts lately that I was molested/sexually abused as a child. Looking back on my childhood, I had knowledge of sex/sexual acts at an inappropriate age and I used to grind against things for sexual gratification at 5 years at the youngest I think. I also roughly remember once a sibling told me we could ""act like boyfriend and girlfriend"" and basically we went under a blanket and french kissed for some amount of time, I don't know. I don't know if I was touched on my genitals or anything but given the circumstances... Even typing that out makes me feel disgusting. I hate kissing because I always think about that and it really upsets my girlfriend. She doesn't know why kissing makes me uncomfortable other than it vaguely reminds me of something bad. She avoids kissing completely and she respects my boundaries but I know that the association of it to her makes her upset/anxious that she's hurt me in some way (she hasn't at all, she's wonderful, but I just can't do it). I don't really know the point of this post. TBH getting this out is more than enough right now. I'm just really struggling with thinking about this without anyone to talk to. It's 12 am where I am and I have very strong urges to self-harm. I have a psychologist but I've not seen him since January, I suppose I will set up an appointment for some time soon.",3 "Hey I just had a question about Concerta. I recently got diagnosed as an adult and im taking 18mg concerta for a few weeks (with breaks in-between). It helps immensely but one thing I realized is concerta spiked my anxiety. Not to a point of panic attack, but its getting annoying. I want to know, \- is there anything I can do for the anxiety? \- how do you prevent urself from focusing on the wrong thing with concerta? Do you modify your environment or other things help and are there other tricks. Also I had another question. Im new to knowing I have ADHD. Yea there were always signs and I was tested as a kid for it, I don't know how to say it but I feel as though I am a fraud. That it isn't that I actually have ADHD but that I am just being lazy and unmotivated and that this is a excuse I am just giving myself. If anyone has any experience with this, Id love to hear your thoughts about it and if you ever came to terms with this. ​ Finally, what amount of my symptoms is ADHD and what amount is just my own laziness and lack of willpower? With medication and therapy will I be able to fix these things or is it all just ADHD and I'm sorta just stuck with this. ​ Thanks for the replies in advance, I hope to hear from you guys soon.",0 "I have been waiting for months to be seen by a new PCP after moving and my therapist has recommended I get assessed for ADHD. I just found out that the doctor will not screen me and I will need to get a referral, which will take even longer (I know, I should've known this would happen). I'm at the point where I can not get anything done for work (currently writing this at my desk), my house is a mess, and I just can't seem to accomplish anything. I'm feeling frustrated that it's so hard to get help and feeling defeated and like I shouldn't even bother trying to see someone anymore. Has anyone else felt this way or have had to wait forever for a diagnosis? How did you cope while waiting? I really just want some relief at this point. Every time I try to start something that isn't for entertainment or leisure, I just hit a wall and can't push through. I feel like I'm paralyzed all the time. Any support, advice, or help of any kind would be very helpful.",0 "Yes, it's normal. In the sense that it is a type of reaction to trauma -- numbness, disassociation, repression. I do think it would be helpful for you to get therapy for all the trauma you have experienced as it is impacting you in the present with the symptoms you are having.",3 "I am going to try to do my best to ensure that there are no personally identifiable details in any of this to protect the privacy of the people I love. There's also a \*lot\* to this story that's being left unsaid and it's likely safe to say that, though there is no blame to assign anywhere, there's a lot of responsibility on all parts, including mine, to help make things better. \## There is depression on all sides I've cyclically battled bouts of depression throughout my life, beginning at a very young age. When I was young I attempted suicide more than once, though none of the attempts were successful, and I haven't attempted suicide since, though I have had dark thoughts intermittently. My significant other and I have been married for over a decade and we've got some wonderful children that we love very, very, dearly. My SO also suffers from bouts of depression; they also struggle with other battles in addition to depression. Being kind is an active struggle for them and they are on medication to help them manage. \## Depression is helping to cause hurtful outbursts Without even thinking about it my SO will say things like 'what is wrong with you', or 'that is why you do not have friends' to our children. They will move directly from 'This is my expectation for the thing you shall do' to screaming at the children for not listening; I've been trying to actively encourage them to use appropriate intermediate measures consistently, like using time-outs, or removing privileges, or similar. They respond with things like 'why should I use those when they do not seem to work'? Over the last few years I've grown intolerant of hurtful emotional outbursts; my SO verbally indicates that they are aware that they say hurtful things and they have a desire to not do that. I see the effort they put in and I do my best to encourage it; I want to help them understand that I love and appreciate them, but at the same time that I am not \*ever\* going to be ok with directing hurtful words towards the children. Last night my SO had an emotional outburst that crossed the line into physical abuse directed towards the children. Our youngest child did something (Intentionally vague here) that undid some work that my SO did; without thinking they shouted at our child and threw something at the child. \## Parenting children successfully is impossible and that is ok I get this. We're going to do the best we can and hope that it's good enough. I think it is reasonable for my SO to be upset when the children refuse to listen to them. I also agree that my children can be little bastards sometimes, though I think that is just a general trait of kids. Kids can be assholes and it's my job as a parent to help them grow into not sucking. I think that there are lines to dealing with the children, though, and I want to help my SO understand that I will \*never\* be ok with physical or emotional abuse. I am guilty of saying hurtful things without thinking as well, though I am trying \*very hard\* to change the words I use to help my children understand that, even if I am not happy with their behavior, I accept who they are and I love them so, so, much. \## I need help I'm depressed and I caught myself looking up suicide methods. I'm a reasonably intelligent person and it would not be difficult to commit suicide in a way that would make it look like an accident. My SO is depressed and I know that I cannot help them. I've asked them to please find someone to talk to; I do not think they currently have a licensed person they can talk to. I do not want to leave my SO. I love them. I care about what happens to them. I genuinely want to spend time with them. I do not want my SO around our children unless my SO can regulate their emotions effectively. I care about what happens to our children. I don't have anyone other than my SO that I feel comfortable sharing personal information with, though I have seen a therapist more than once over the years. We've been to couples counseling and we've also both seen therapists individually. I don't know what to do and I can't just sit here and cry, though that's what I'm doing now.",2 "Hello, I‘m often masking, what makes me really tired. But when i try to stop it, i‘m getting stressed and get the pressure to do it again, to look more normal. Could you give me some advice how to learn stop masking?",3 "Today is my birthday, I turned 27. Once again spending the day alone. No friends, no family. Just me alone in bed depressed. The 27 club sounds real tempting about now.",3 "Hey guys, quick question. I enrolled in an intensive outpatient program (5 days a week for 2 hours each day) for ERP to help with Contamination OCD. I’m a male in my twenties, and the behavioral coach that the program paired me with is an attractive female that’s about the same age as me... This might sound dumb, but I found it very socially awkward for me as I felt embarrassed working with the coach. I felt very self-conscious and found myself not being totally honest with her because it felt embarrassing for me. Would it be silly to request that they re-assign me to a male coach that I would feel less awkward / embarrassed working with? I would feel bad raising the issue, but it is what it is. Thanks.",1 "Hello! I recently found out the guy I've been dating for a year and a half has OCD. I noticed a few things here and there but chose not to comment on it so he was comfortable. It was minor stuff too so I let it go. Lately, he's been extremely negative and stressed with his job but he takes this all out on me. I try to be positive and encourage him to get through it but he's been having these random outbursts where he yells at me in public, insults me, and has become increasingly violent and it scares me like he'll hit a wall close to me. Generally, he's a good guy but when he acts out like that I don't know who he is anymore. He does not want to go on meds or go to therapy to control his behavior. I've tried talking to him to tell him how his actions make me feel but he always dismisses my feelings or calls me irrational. He is extremely stubborn and doesn't want to see things from my perspective ever. I don't know what to do. I love him but don't love who he is becoming because it genuinely scares me. Any advice is much appreciated whether it's relationship advice of having a significant other who has OCD, how to manage when he has outbursts, how to calm him down? Anything is honestly helpful. Thank you!",1 "I saw the post about The Good Doctor and thought I'd recommend a show that I personally really enjoyed. If you're into, or capable of, watching kdramas I'd definitely suggest taking a look at this show. The show is very touching and revolves around a trauma cleaner on the spectrum. It's authentic in a lot of ways, and you'll find yourself going through a range of emotions as you get to know the diseased characters in the show. I've watched a few portrayals of autism so far and this was one of the more enjoyable ones to me. One day I'll get around to The Good Doctor so I can see what the fuzz is about. TLDR: if you like drama watch Move to Heaven",3 How do you not let rage get the best of u? I used to be very collected no matter what and now it's like all the patience ran out.,3 "Man, I've been taking a tolerance break so I've had nothing for my panick attacks so I went out and bought a 500mg cbd tincture, its incredibly useful Holy fuck. Like I can process shit normally, this is the 5th day since trying it.",1 "I'm 24, married and struggling with life really. Family life is tough and I'm unable to speak to people about how I feel. Lately I've been struggling with work due to being under staffed and I have recently been given a written warning due to how much it has slipped. At this moment I feel like I've hit a brick wall and can't move on with my life. I had been signed off work for a few days and felt better during that time but now that I'm back at work I feel really bad and unable to focus on anything other that what's in my mind. Tried SSRI's prescribed by my doctor however they didn't work and have also tried counselling but both have never helped. Even went down the self medication route of illicit drugs which only filled a void but made me dependent on them to pass with day to day life. I have been clean for 2 and a half years but everything feels much worse now to what it did then. Any advise or help would be appreciated",2 "Im 26M from India. I still live with my parents as it's normal over here. Im pretty sure I have ADHD. Always had it as a child. Never studied ever in life but had good grades. Somehow managed to finish college and still working on a post grad degree. Im always able to give my best at the start of things and then later my graphs go down. So for my parents I always fuck up. They think I never give my full potential. I can't even explain stuff like this because mental health is a stigma in this country. They won't even understand. If I observe closely they are themselves struggling with issues. My mom is extremely obsessive. It's just nag nag nag. And constant comparing, oh look how other sons talk to their moms. And then the pity party starts. It's manipulative behaviour tbh. And then there's zero faith in me. She's just worrried about me. I understand all mom's worry but never once has she trusted in me. Always finding the faults. And the constant guilt of, we work so much for you kids. It's just too much. I just woke up and she had to nag me about things. In a span of 1 minute she had to tell me to do a thing 5-6 times. I did say I will do it. She was like no you won't, you're gonna forget. Just do it now. My brain doesn't work like that. Instead of just ignoring or walking away, I started yelling and screamjng. I HAD JUST WOKEN UP. DONT FORCE IT MAKES ME NOT WANT TO DO IT MORE. IM STILL RAGING AND IM TOOOO HYPER NOW. I don't evem know what to type right now. Too many thoughts are buzzing. I hate this. I'll be tired in a few hours again and sleep because I'm wasting too much energy. I just wanna complain about everything. To whoever is reading im sorry I'm just rambling now. Idk what to do. I have last 4 months left in this house, then I will be moving out for a job. But that's also left me pressurised so much. Im not able to crack interviews because there's so much complete here in tjis country. Everything is a mess. My personal life sucks, im gay and discreet. So no support there. Uughhhhh why did I even wake up. What do I do ? Im so blank I cant even think about anything. I can't go to a therapist atm. Also idk about psychiatrists here. Idk anything I just don't know. I just wanna sleep and dream again I was having fun in my dream. It was a good dream too. Idk what to do",0 "Hey gang, Im reaching out for advice/confirmation. Ive been in methylphenidate (20mg extended release) for 4 months. At first it worked really well, but they started to make me really depressed and numb - to the point where even though I was a focused machine at work and home, I literally didn't feel joy in any accomplishments or really feel much at all. I passed the biggest and hardest certification exam Ill ever need to take in my career (with help from the meds), and couldn't even feel happy about it. Then, after taking a day off them, I realized I could actually feel. Talked to my doc, he said go ahead and quit them, it shouldn't cause any withdrawals. Well, 3 days later, 4 panic attacks in (Ive never had one before) and the most intense anxiety Ive ever experienced, and I'm calling bullshit. In my mind this has to be withdrawal. I get bouts of shakes, dizziness, intense emotion, and then sometimes panic attacks. Haven't experienced any of these before so it's either ridiculous timing or doc was wrong. I have a great support structure, but I feel like Im alone in that no one understands what's happening to me. What are your experiences quitting a medication? How long does this last? I feel like Im going crazy. Anyone have an experience to share?",0 "I suffer from Depression, Anxiety, ADD. While I'm privileged in many ways, my life has not been easy. I lost a parent to cancer in my teens which fucked me up real good. I've lost friends to death and just the general bullshit of busy day-to-day life. I've lost other people who felt more like family than actual family. I'm now losing my other parent to a terminal illness. I've made bad financial decisions too so I'm broke as shit. And all of this trauma and bad decisions have compounded over the years where everything is an uphill battle. And through it all, I'm still here. And I'm proud of myself for that. More than that, I'm fighting and I'm not giving up. Or trying to, at least. But I swear, it seems the more that I fight/try and pursue what I want to do, the more external obstacles pop up. I use ""external obstacles"" because I fully expect that pursuing new endeavours or pursuing current endeavours even further will force you into obstacles you haven't yet faced. I'm making my peace with that. But it seems every time I reach a new milestone, there's a new obstacle in my life completely unrelated to what I'm pursuing. Just another bullshit thing in the way on top of the obstacles that occur as part of my career/hobby pursuits. I lost my job because of the pandemic. I had to move out of the city that really felt like home because I no longer could afford to (on top of being scammed) because I couldn't find a job. I then had to mooch off my sister in her town that was nowhere near any of my friends (but I am grateful that I did have that safety net. I do recognize my good fortune in that regard). I then had to decline the first job offer after 350+ applications back in that city because 1) their advertised benefits turned out to be horseshit and 2) I needed to move to a completely new city to my parents' to be their caretaker. Now I'm trying to be a caretaker for my dying parent and a (step)parent who works way too much and can't take care of the household. I'm trying to do it right and take time for myself. I'm trying to find a social life and friends and opportunities here. Except I hate this city because there don't appear to be those opportunities! I have friends who used to live here and moved away for this exact reason. I don't have much faith that I'll find the diamond(s) in the rough. And now, my new ""friends"" aren't forgiving of the fact that I've had to cancel plans because of the whole caretaking thing?! So now I'm dealing with this hesitation to even try to make new friends? Never mind a romantic relationship either. I'm fine with a fight to build a life for what I want. Nothing good ever came easy, blah blah blah. I get it. But I'm so tired of just all the bad luck and the shitty things that happen on top of it. I'm tired of having to manifest twice the amount of hope as other people. I'm tired of being jealous of my friends who have a ""boring"" life. I'm tired of just not feeling gratitude for what I have because it feels like the moment I feel gratitude, the universe will sense it and come take it away. I'm tired of always feeling like I'm a wet blanket. I'm tired of not reaching out to my friends because of that. I'm tired of not being able to be a positive force in their life. I'm just so tired.",2 "I feel empty and can't find one. I feel much more comfortable having one. It used to be Overwatch sensitivity for gaming mice. I have tried guitar, anatomy, photography, statistics, formula one, nascar, physics, neuroscience, etc I am trying out dinosaurs next?",3 "I’m at the point where I really don’t think actual help even exists. None of the “help” is helpful. I’ve been on at least 10-15 different medications and none of them did anything at all. Nothing. Been to therapy for over two years now, changed therapists a couple times too. I don’t even see how therapy is *supposed* to help. Feels like if you’re even halfway self-aware and self-analytical, there’s nothing they can really do for you. If you know why you do the things you do and feel the way you feel but can’t change it or make yourself feel something different or see the world differently, then it feels like they just throw their hands up and don’t know what to do. I can explain and articulate things pretty well, know why I’m in doing the things is do and I’ve even been “congratulated” about that before, like it makes any difference to me. And so when I don’t need someone to help me process, don’t need someone to help me unwrap myself or put things into words, then I guess therapy has nothing to offer me. Talking about things doesn’t help either, just in a pure venting sense. It actually makes me feel worse. And they’ve proven to me at this point those are the only things they can offer. Apart from the same old useless things like journaling or meditation or mindfulness or something, all of which I’ve tried but don’t do a fucking thing no matter how long I stick to them. It’s even the same on here, when I make posts like this. Don’t even know why I’m making this one, to be honest. Feels like the definition of insanity. I appreciate what people on here try to do, I guess, but it feels like every comment fits into one of very few categories, none of which help. It’s either someone saying they feel the same, which doesn’t change anything for me, or it’s someone with some positive bullshit about how you gotta “enjoy the little things” or some equally vague suggestion that usually contains zero actionable advice whatsoever, or it’s someone suggesting something I’ve either already tried like exercise or medication, sometimes things that I even said I’d tried in the post itself, and they just didn’t even read it, or something that isn’t an option to me for some reason, like ketamine or psilocybin therapy. I get that people are just trying to help or whatever, and I’m not trying to be an asshole on purpose, but it’s just frustrating I see the same thing over and over again and to get to the point where you’re just stuck wanting to throw something cause every comment you read just feels so useless. It’s so fucking demoralising, I don’t even really see the point of trying to get “help” anymore. Feels like every time I do, it only ends up reaffirming that there’s nothing anyone can do, that the idea of getting “help” for this is mostly bullshit, and that I’m gonna feel this way forever, so I might as well just kill myself cause I don’t even know what “better” looks like for me at this point, let alone see a path to actually get there.",3 "Anyone else deal with gross intrusive thoughts that literally won’t leave no matter what you do? It’s always something my brain randomly thinks of or something I see in like a show or movie that I deem really gross. My brain fixates on it and then imagines me eating the gross thing, and it’s so bad. It makes me gag. Anyone else relate?",1 "Please excuse the language I am using but does anyone else feel like they are just existing where other people are thriving? I’ve been feeling like I am “low functioning”(for lack of a better term) unrelated to ADHD or unable to handle a lot whereas things seem to fall in to place for others. Trying to figure out how to stop comparing and to find peace as I am now.",0 "I was severely abused like beaten in my car all the time for things I didn’t do wrong relating to directions as the passenger. There were serveral times he threatened to drive us off the mtn. Pointed loaded guns at me toying with the idea in a cabin in a state nobody would find me... Alaska... Today my bf got a bit upset bc I messed up a directions bc I was listening to music and so I had a panic attack bc I literally thought I was in this spot outside a subway where I made a joke at him getting me a weird flatbread, we were engaged and had gone there plenty of times.. And he punched me in the face. We were going camping w his friend hunter, who was sitting directly behind me conventionally, could’ve choked me out (my ex did till I passed out multiple times) And his friend laughed evilly behind me.. I screamed at my bf.. Dissociated.. COULDNT fight the thoughts and kept slipping between that memory and another one near the mountains where he beat the shit out of me for losing signal and not having gps. I feel horrible I do therapy three times a week I am a broken mirror This is new to me and I’ve been abused by 4 men. So I don’t know what to do. I can’t sleep and I’m manic bipolar right now. I need some advice. I’ve been doing my hw from my therapist and cuddling my bf. Idk anymore guys He’s losing it too he doesn’t deserve this. I yell at him like he is my ex. In the moment. It’s like a living nightmare. I think he says things he doesn’t say, and it’s psychosis.",3 "People may have various opinions on this, but imma say right out that I don't like letting stuff control me. As best as I can, anyways. Having ADHD, I get attached to video games/apps easily. It frustrates me, as I'd like to be able to have something to help when I feel I need a break from focusing on school or other tasks But I can't, as every game (but 1) I've downloaded, I've eventually become addicted to it within a few days, to where I don't get stuff done that I had planned to do. The only app I've been able to keep and overall not let control me is a nonogram puzzle app. That's it. I've tried setting app timers, but I know how to turn them off so eventually I end sup turning them off. When my boyfriend gets back from deployment, I'll probably try having him set a code for app timers and see if that helps . Anyways. The point is, I'm trying to find a game I can have on my phone that isn't overly addictive. I like the nonogram puzzle I have because I have a limited amount of gems to buy puzzles , and then I'm forced to find something else to do. I need games like that. Ones that have limited ""energy"" . Not the end of the world if there isn't any that can help me. It just frustrates me that I don't have great control over my impulse when having games",0 "I have high functioning aspergers and I have trouble telling if people are saying something but meaning something else, every time I assume they mean something they get upset because I was wrong but if I don’t assume they get upset because I didn’t understand. I just want to stop making people upset, what do I do",3 Appreciate any thoughts on whether amphetamine salts can lead to tremor in one hand. Just began takeing them for adhd after a neuro eval came up with a diagnosis. It shows up when I hold my phone or try to pour a glass of wine. Seems to get worse after coffee which makes sense. I also read that smoking can create a tremor so wanted to see if anyone has had similar experience.,0 "I have whole lists of TV series and Movies I wanna watch but I just start distracting myself before watching them. I can't make myself watch them most of the time. I like the idea of watching them on my TV because it seems like the best experience but then when it comes to it I think about how I'll have to set it all up to watch and then not want to bother, even though I could easily watch it on my laptop even if its not the best experience...",0 "Took my family to the zoo today and while at the panda exhibit I saw this kid, I want to say 10-13, who appeared to my untrained eye to have ASD. They were stimming via frequent shoulder rubbing as they walked up to any and every stranger wanting to share facts about pandas and bamboo. I sat back for a moment observing. Mainly because I like to stand back from the exhibit glass, next to the stroller, and allow other folks to get close and take a look. I don't like being the family with all their gear blocking the view for everyone else. Anyway, I sat back and watched this kid excitedly try to talk to folks and share. Most shied away, some looked at the mom, others just ignored. I'll preface, I hold no judgement. Some people are unsure of themselves, or how the parents will act, and choose just not to engage. I on the other hand, feeling that I may have correctly identified a fellow human with ASD, decided to walk up and ask what other facts they knew. I am admittedly a little jealous at the joy this kid appeared to be feeling that someone asked them to share facts. If only this was a technology convention and someone asked me what I thought. haha. So, I stood there while my family watched the pandas learning more things about pandas and bamboo than I'd ever taken the time to research on my own. Of course, my aspie brain was like a sponge. ""Yeah? Really? Go on? Very interesting... I'll have to look that up"" I'm sure I looked like a nerd, but who cares? Anyway, thought I'd share. I just hope I didn't come across as super creepy being this 30+ old guy talking to this 10 year old at the zoo. haha. I suspect I was fine though. The mom really seemed to appreciate that I took an interest. I even stopped suppressing my desire to rub my hands, so it was like two autistic brains in their own world enjoying life. Hope the kid went home feeling the same. \-Cheers",3 "Im medicated I take prozac for my OCD, I guess im going through a ""episode"" right now, im obsessing over something to the point to where i believe its true and i feel mentally exhausted and depressed, does this happen to anybody else",1 "There’s a TL,DR at the end, lol So I have very very mild Asperger’s syndrome, really it’s just some tiny social and audio issues, and OCD and special interests. I have had special interests ever since I was about 1 or 2 years old, pretty much always in cartoons or movies, but never to a serious intensity. When I started middle school in 6th grade, I became absolutely OBSESSED with this cartoon. Like, to where I would hardcore cry, freak out, almost pass out when something happened to one of the characters. It was literally everything, I couldn’t imagine life without it. It’s what kept me going, always waiting for the next episodes and rewatching the old ones, slipping into “scenario land” and making up scenarios of my OC’s interactions with the characters. Y’all, I had this seriously intertwined with my mental health. I was so crazy about it I had breakdowns. I was known at my school for being the “bat ish crazy Steven Universe girl”. Well, this obsession thankfully started the process of going away around the end of my seventh grade year, and by middle of 8th grade, it was pretty much gone. Well, that was an experience.. So I was kinda listless for the next few years, no serious special interest such as this (there were some, but they weren’t AS bad). But then around the start of my 10th grade year, I got a new bad one...but hey, wait a minute...I can’t bring myself to indulge in it? It made me so happy, so overwhelmed, that it would take me forever to actually convince myself to watch the show. Whenever I started thinking about it and started to slip off into scenario land...I’d find myself swimming like mad, gasping for air. I simply could not take the “perfection”. It just felt like the world opened up to me, endless possibilities, endless things I can think of with these characters. The characters are all perfect, and I love them so much. I just couldn’t indulge like I could with the first one. It was way too overwhelming. So...there you have it. Do y’all think the reason why I can’t expose myself to too much of this new interest is because I’ve developed some kind of mental defense mechanism, due to the extreme mental hurricane the first one gave me? Or do you think it’s just because my personality and brain wiring has changed (I’m about to be a senior in high school)? Any other reasons??? Lol Can anyone relate to this? I’ve googled it but the closest thing I can find is Stendhal syndrome (which somewhat matches how I feel, but I have a feeling it’s something else). Also any tips on how to help this? TL,DR: Had first hardcore special interest in middle school, got over it, started a new one a few years later, can’t bring myself to indulge in it like I did the first one because it’s too amazing. Thoughts? Coping mechanisms?",3 "Long story short, I’m on probation from a stupid string of mistakes I made in three years ago. I’ve been on probation for about 2 years and have never slipped up. My PO and I have a good relationship and seem to trust each other. Tonight, the prosecutor from my case was on a city council call that I was participating in. I immediately began to panic. I do a lot of activism work now that I’ve gotten my life back on track. I’m clean, I work a job, I’m back in school, and I’m with a healthy partner. When I saw that she was on the call tonight, my PTSD convinced me that she’s looking at reasons to have me thrown in jail. That come tomorrow morning, she will reopen my case and I’ll be locked away forever. I’m up for release in January (hopefully) and I’m terrified she will prevent that or that I’m going to lose everything I’ve worked so hard for. My PTSD has me convinced that she’s finning for me now that I’m in the public eye for my hard work and activism. That’s she’s truly looking for me to skip up and that’s the end for me. I’m trying to tell myself that this is illogical. That she was maybe just on the city council call because she was interested in an agenda item. That if there was a problem, or if she suspected anything, she would have the case opened up and id be sitting in jail right now waiting for a hearing. But my PTSD is winning and I’m so afraid she’s out for me. I wish I could calm down. Sorry this is a jumbled mess, I just can’t think clearly.",3 "What’s the point in life. I live everyday for what? For what. For what is the only answer. Life has no purpose but to inflict pain. Nothing but pain. Endless pain that doesn’t stop but more pain will come until life ends. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m ready to end all this pain. I’m sick of everything, sick of “for what.” I’m living this awful life because I’m forced to. I don’t want to be forced anymore. My mind has been decided, I end my own life at some point. When? I don’t know. I’d rather it be soon to make it all stop but I don’t think that will be feasible. Simply put, for what reason am I still here. The name ______ _____ is a name that haunts me, a name that pains me to think of. I no longer feel joy or hope when I think of this name. I only feel pain and endless “whys?” How can something so exciting and hopeful change in a matter of minutes. How can something be wrecked so quickly that no matter the length of time you take to fix it, it’ll never be repaired. I need help but I don’t know how to obtain it. All I know is that I need it. I’m writing this for what? You see, for what is one of the most contradictory statements you can say or think of. That’s all I think of anymore, “for what.” I write this in a matter of minutes in an attempt to relieve this agony. Does it help? Not sure at this moment. My eyes, they see so much, they see nothing but things that I wish I had. Things of happiness, wealth, and pure bliss. Why is it that a free thing is so hard to obtain? Why is happiness one of the easiest things to find but you can’t easily achieve it? I have not felt pure happiness in what feels like forever. But granted, I slowly lose track of time. Time runs through my hands like the statement “for what” runs through my head. I’ve heard from countless people that high school is the best years of your life but why is it my worst years? Why does everything turn out the way it does? I’m only 16 and I’ve already realized how unfair and rigged life is. Some people are lucky and just become happy without doing anything. I try to do everything in my power to achieve this happiness but I can’t ever grasp it. They say once you hit rock bottom the only way to go is up but if that’s true, then why have I been stuck for so long? I do so much for others but what do I get in return? Nothing. For what do I do this. For what do I live. I write this before a Monday, a truly horrid day. I feel nothing but dread to wake up tomorrow and pure anxiousness to see what pain I endure tomorrow.",2 "I work retail in a part of town really infested with chronic vagrants who travel up and down the local coastal urban sprawl. I started smoking again recently and I've always drawn a hard line about homeless people: do not feed them. I was out there for 5 fucking years, no means no. A homeless woman asks me for a cigarette, I say no; I cut tobacco from leafs and roll them myself, it's time consuming and I only bring enough with me to get through my shift. She starts begging me and I just ignore her, she gets an attitude and wanders off bitching. Whatever. 2 hours later I take my first break, not five seconds go by a bum passes asking for a cigarette, keeps walking when I shake my head, and then the same woman comes down the shopping center and asks me if I was the guy who ignored her earlier and she goes and grabs this BIG bald sunburnt dude with like one foot and 150 pounds over me, she's telling him about how I ignored her, *and then they stop 10 feet away from me after passing by me.* All this in front of the fucking store. At that point I fucking lost it, I felt extremely threatened, fight or flight kicked in, my manager steps outside for a second for unrelated reasons and I booked it towards her, told her to call the police because I felt threatened and unsafe. I went inside looking for the store phone, mostly bluffing for time; my manager asks me what's going on and I'm fucking shaking and my heart is jumping out of my throat, I'm gasping for air, vision is starting to tunnel but I get like half of the story out before she goes out there and yells at them to fuck off, I manage to catch my breath and I go back out, manage to convey through panicked gasps and trying not to vibrate into another dimension that I feel threatened, I manage to go over the basics of why I was calling the cops to them, then went back in, grabbed the phone, got in the break room and collapsed in the chair. I didn't call the cops. My other manager comes, sits, he doesn't know I have PTSD but he's a good guy, I calm down a little and get the whole story out. He sits with me for a second (I've had panic attacks at work before but I've always tried to keep it contained and pretend I was having a nasty shit in the bathroom) before going back to work; now I'm on break so there's no hassle there. I sit for a few minutes and say fuck it I just had a panic attack, I go back out to smoke and if they're there I'm calling the fucking cops for sure. They're gone, I have another cigarette. I'm glad I rolled extra today. I cut my tobacco myself, it takes a lot of time and energy. It's bad enough I have to navigate traffic on a bike, I gotta deal with this shit too. 2 or 3 months ago a homeless person walked through my goddamn store into the back warehouse where I keep my bike and tried walking out with it, I chased him across the parking lot and just when I was starting to relax a little this shit happens. Only it's not just this shit, it's every creep and weirdo who towels themselves off under the fucking automatic door fan with grocery cart wipes shirtless trying to fucking talk to me, every freak who stands and stares at the glass window where the office is ignoring me telling them to get out, the fucking rigs in the bathrooms, the empty beer cans on shelves. I tried patience, now I can see that sanctuary districts aren't far off. Whoever the fuck this woman is and whatever fucking compounded traumas and shit led to this encounter, it's getting out of hand. Nobody talks about it when the workers are affected, nobody talks about fixing it, it's all about fucking teachers and shit. Meanwhile, I'm out here trying to keep the ghosts of every fucking day past at bay and these people are giving me panic attacks, it's bad enough I gotta shit my guts out 3 times in 2 hours every morning from stress. I'm smoking my medical weed right now but I'm never really over it until I've typed out a long awful diatribe to cope. I usually delete them but fuck it, I got my diagnosis 2 years ago, I quit psychiatry almost a year ago, I've been getting fucking crazier over the years, I'm about to start looking for support groups. The panic attacks and nihilistic thoughts get worse and worse, I feel like I know the bitter truths of the universe and I start disassociating and shit. I'm going fucking insane and I gotta deal with crazier people putting their shit on me, I know I should have just shut this lady down but you don't want to get into a situation. Now I'm paranoid about going to work, these people could get all gacked out and come in and fuckin stab me, I'm moving states soon to be closer to quality care, I don't need this goddamn shit. I gotta go right back tomorrow, I don't get a day off until wednesday. I gotta have this shit on me too. I told both my managers today and I intend to tell the remaining two that I personally cannot tolerate any more loitering in the shopping center and that I'm calling the cops next time whether they're bothering anyone or not. Through all this I learned I'm pro-gun cuz I'd feel a lot fucking safer. I wished I had my dog with me, he doesn't fuck around. Not that I'd have point it at them, I'd just feel a lot more comfortable in situations like that. I'd know that they can't do jack shit because as soon as they make a move, my hypothetical gun-safety trained self can confidently plant my feet and pop a round in their leg and fuck them for crossing me. Idk man I ate, I attended my pets, I had a cigarette, I smoked a bowl, I'm trying to watch tv and distract myself and work it out, I gotta leave in the morning and my guts will wake me up at 6. Idk man I had to put this out somewhere. I figured this may very well be the only place people might read it and understand. I have a buddy with paranoid schizophrenia I've know for a long time, he's a little older but has had similar experiences and types of PTSD triggers and stuff and we talk two or three times a week but he's back in the home state and I'm still out here in hell. Jesus, I was homeless in san francisco and it was not this bad, like I cannot avoid the dangerous parts here because I work in them and they've only recently gotten this bad. Or I've only recently noticed since I've been going outside more. Btw turns out my neighbors are shit-talking assholes or maybe that's auditory hallucinations+paranoia, idk. That wasn't a fun day.",3 Every time I take a shower it takes so long because I don’t feel clean after washing myself once. I always have to do it 3 times in order to get clean and it makes me feel like shit to be in there for so long. And sometimes I have to do it more. This might sound weird but the other day while using the bathroom my finger went through the toilet paper and I got poop on my hand. I know it sounds weird I’m sorry but then after wiping it off I had to scratch my leg before washing my hands and it made me feel super dirty. So now I feel as if I have to wash my entire body 3 times just to feel clean. Please help,1 "A few days ago my psychologist said that I have to find a physical element so that I can use it in managing stress and frustration. So I wanted to ask, does anyone use a physical object to manage their stress? And if so, what is it? is to get an idea. I hope you have a quiet day.",3 "Everybody seems to be obsessed with achievement, becoming something, working hard, having a high degree, getting out of your comfort zone. I don't want any of that! Just give me a part-time job that is a means to an end: earning money to be able to live. Then when I have the money I go and enjoy life. A job should not be your life purpose, but many people treat it that way. ""What do you want to be when you grow up? ""is commonly asked to children. With this question you are already conditioning kids into thinking that being something is your life's purpose, that doing fun things doesn't matter that much and the 40 hour 9-5 grind matters most. They see that as normal and nothing else. Well I cannot handle working that much because of low energy and different priorities: being happy. They should ask instead : ""what things do you want to do now and when you are older? “.",3 I feel so petty cause mine is the sunlight. I feel so uneasy even getting light even the faintest from the window. I feel like ill be getting wrinkles. Fuck why am i so petty ... I know.. but i cant shake it......,1 "Aspiring writer here. Just a thought, but if I were to try and convey the struggles of ADHD to a NT, I’d probably use comics or graphic novels. I say this after starting a short story centered on an ADHD character. Mainly, graphic novels can show the reader intrapersonal dialogue while also depicting external reality in the same frame. Simultaneously and naturally. That’s key to depicting ADHD. E.g.: *panel showing a person laying on a couch* “*Get up get up get up get up*” *same panel* Or: *one panel of two people talking* NT: talk talk talk ADHD person thought bubble: *thoughts that have nothing to do with what the person is saying* See how much could be communicated in one panel? Beautiful. What would take forever to write in a book can be concisely conveyed in comic form. And if you wanted to show this in a movie, you’d need voiceover or otherwise a lot of film tricks. Anyway, I can’t draw. But I want this in my life now and can’t stop thinking about it. So if someone wants to help me or make it themselves or whatever, please do.",0 "You feel “toxic” and you are. You can’t be honest with people without being “toxic.” Pushes people away. Venting.",2 "Hi all, Do people commonly have auditory hallucinations after being triggered, or having a flashback? I started having auditory (and only visual once) hallucinations about 4 months ago and they seem to come either hours or days after I've had a trigger or dissociated. I've brought this up to my psych but she chalks it off to the brain just 'short-circuiting' sometimes as a trauma response. **If this is normal, how do you deal with it?** It's making me worried as I seem to be hallucinating loud sudden noises, doors opening etc, which is leading me to check all over the house in the middle of the night. Thanks for your advice in advance 🌻 Edit: my hallucinations are completely unrelated to my traumas, oddly enough.",3 "last year, i had a health incident that sparked my feelings of ptsd. i was terrified and for months after i was terrified. but i was slowly getting better. i could talk about it, work through it, and so long as i wasn't triggered by my skin looking swollen, i was fine. in the summer, i smoked a few puffs of weed. biggest mistake of my fucking life. it completely shattered me and grounding techniques that used to work for me. five minutes into being high, i forgot where i was and it scared me. i kept forgetting where i was or who i was, and this inner turmoil began. i was having panic attacks while high, a horrible combination. didn't help that we were 40 minutes out from the nearest hospital and driving there was another ring of hell i was exposed to. even now typing this out, i was fine about the first thing; but as i begin to mention the weed incident, i begin to feel antsy and my heart rate is increasing. when i was high, i knew what to do to ground myself. point out things i see. my boyfriend tried to help by asking me about them. something about our voices made me sick to my stomach, i was so scared of them when i was high and reciting grounding techniques or hearing either of our voices now when i'm going into panic reminds me of then. i enjoy drinking a lot, now i can't do it because my panic is so high and if i misstep once in drinking, i forget that i've been drinking and think i'm high again and i'll be stuck that way for longer than i can handle. i don't know what to do about this. it's really ruining my life. i'm going to be looking into lifeworks and therapy, but in the meantime just...goddman, how do you do this.",3 I seem to enter about a weeks worth of major depression every 3 months. There is usually a trigger of some kind. I started a new job 2.5 months ago and they have high expectations of me. I started to feel my major depression coming on and am dealing with brain fog.. I can’t concentrate or remember things and it’s extremely upsetting for me and my colleagues are taking notice. Does anyone have similar experiences? This illness has effected me for about 2 years now and it’s devastating to my life,2 What do you guys do as soon as the ocd thoughts hits you?,1 "Tl;dr: does anybody increase their XR dose in the winter months and then reduce it again when the days get shorter? I (26 F) have been on adderall for almost two years (start of the pandemic). My symptoms get much worse during the winter when it is dark when I wake up and dark when I get off work. I struggle to start tasks and struggle to focus on work. At first I was taking two 10 mg IR twice a day, then 25 mg IR per day, IR did not really work for me but my original doctor refused to prescribe XR. After I switched doctors I started at 20 mg XR and now I am up to 25 mg XR. I don’t know if it’s the darkness of winter or if I have just built up a tolerance to the 25 mg (it’s been 10 months since I was increased to this dose) but I’m having such a hard time working, I am still fully remote. My doctor wants me to take an SSRI but I have never had success with them, they make me soooo tired and since my main issue right now is tiredness and inability to focus I worry they will just make my executive function worse. I should mention I used to be on Wellbutrin 300mg at the same time but I felt like that counteracted the adderall and I stopped taking Wellbutrin and that helped. There seems to be some papers that support this and others that say the opposite. I want to try 30 mg XR a day, but I worry that is too high of a dose. Does anybody increase their dose in the winter and then decrease it again when the days get longer? I am nervous to ask my doctor to increase my dose.",0 "ok this is going to sound kind of weird and I don't know if anyone can relate (I kind of doubt it), but it's a weird sort of thing that I feel like I need to get off my chest because I feel this way almost all the time, especially when I'm feeling particularly lonely. I sort of have this weird fascination with large cuddly things. Whenever I see something large and huggable, something in my brain wants to jump at it and hug it. I'll see something like... a snoopy float in a parade for instance and imagine myself being held by him like he's a protective parent, and it's super comforting to think about. And yeah I'm sure lots of people have a facination with cuddly things, but it gets even deeper than that. It's to the point where if I see something like Barney or Dragonite, hell maybe even a large horse or a big monster like Godzilla or something, the synapses in my brain want to be held by them. The stark dopamine from the idea of being cradled by something so large and soft is incredibly addictive to me, like a drug. I'll have to legit distract myself from whatever I'm thinking of or I'll legit think about it for minutes at a time. And yeah if it sounds like I don't get held very often, I really dont, even before all the Covid stuff. I live alone and I'm not in a position to get a pet. I have some good friends and family, an ok desk job, and am working with a therapist about my autism. Life's not really that bad apart from my weird addiction. It's just there are days when I wish I could scream from the roof for a big ol teddy bear to be a mom for a little bit. Or something. Or whatever. I don't know. Sorry if this made people sort of shake in their seat.",3 "During my 30s I went through multiple miscarriages & failed infertility treatments. After ten years, we ended up adopting our two kids so I thought I was ok. Today (I’m 53) I had to have an invasive & painful procedure (endometrial biopsy) and in the middle of it I began screaming and sobbing uncontrollably. It wasn’t just the physical pain. It was like I was right there again, losing all the pregnancies at once, like I never left that place of grief. I was so horrified I came home & drank a lot. I went through years of therapy for childhood sexual abuse. I guess I’m supposed to deal with this now. Fuck.",3 "Ever since June I’ve been trying to get assessed. I’m an 18 year old girl who lives in a fairly small conservative town where nobody knows anything about mental illness or disability. I’ve had to work tooth and nail to even try to get a referral to go get assessed, but to no avail. I’ve been lied to by doctors about what my assessment is for and where my referral went. I’ve been told by my therapist that all of their connections won’t assess adults. And I was recently told that due to my age and gender I essentially have no resources to get a proper diagnosis in my state. It’s scary. I’ve been told that I don’t need a diagnosis but nobody believes that I’m autistic if I don’t get one. There’s not even any resources for me in the capital of my state. I feel at a loss and am about to just give up completely on my search for an assessment.",3 "I was diagnosed with PTSD after leaving an abusive marriage. I feel pretty good most of the time, but still have triggers. I feel like my relationship with my boyfriend is strained at times because of my triggers/responses even though I’ve tried to explain it to him. For example, he sometimes reaches out and touches me while he’s talking (like when he’s making a point). Last week, I shrunk back from his touch and he looked at me like I was the Antichrist. I told him that I don’t like to be poked or touched unexpectedly, but he still didn’t seem to understand. This has nothing to do with him and it’s a reflexive response for me. One major trigger for me is violence, screaming etc. in movies...especially in the evening or near bed time because I have nightmares. I’ve left the room before and gone to watch TV in the bedroom when he and my daughter were watching a scary movie and there was no issue. I’ve told him many times that movies can be triggering for me. Last night, a movie came on where a woman was getting ready for a bed and a man in a mask was lurking outside. The music got ominous and I knew I had to get out of there FAST. I quickly went to the other room and turned the TV on to drown it out. I could feel my heart racing and my breath quickening just imagining what was happening on that TV in the other room. If he wanted to watch that movie, I was ok with it, I just couldn’t be in that room. He came in and told me we needed to have a conversation about communication and how those situations could be better handled in the future. I told him that I left the room quickly because I knew something was coming and didn’t want to see/hear it since it was close to bed time. I said it had nothing to do with him and I wasn’t angry or anything. He continued to try to have a conversation about communication with me in that moment. I resented it. I feel like I did what I needed to in that moment to feel safe, and because it made him slightly uncomfortable, he was forcing me into a conversation I didn’t want to have. He implied that I wasn’t an adult. I have been suicidal at a number of points in my life, am an alcoholic and have done a lot of shitty things over the years to deal with my trauma. I’m now almost 4 months sober and am really trying to be better. Leaving the room felt like the right thing to do in the moment and was a lot better strategy than things I have done in the past. I can’t always articulate how I feel when I’m triggered and I don’t always want to. I don’t want to always have to explain why I need to leave the room. It’s really discouraging to feel like I’m making progress and have someone treat me like I’m overreacting or a child. I know he means well and that he loves me, but it’s discouraging. Am I overreacting? Should I try to tough it out and talk in those moments?",3 "Like ill explain myself in abit more detail. Im 20 have aspergers syndrome(which im not bother by) and i was diagnosed with OCD at 14. I have had many themes of ocd from when i was 14 like HOCD,TOCD, POCD, FALSE MEMORY OCD and my main one straight up transforming into a different personality or identity OCD if you could call it that. Before then i very certain of what i felt, loved girls and even though i didnt mind gay people, i just thought to myself ""women are so damm beautiful how is it possible"". I never questioned my gender identity before that or felt like the opposite gender, i would crease at 'girly' things, i have effeminate features like long nails and long eyelashes but never thought deepily about it. I loved superheroes, videogames, performing arts and all that. My stepmom from 11 to 14 mentally abused me which kind of started my first theme of ""i am a bad person"". Now i look back at the abuse and my mind is telling me i liked it which if you seen it back then i most certainly didnt. She used to criticize my mom infront of me and my sister and i was always very angry and clenched my fists when she done that, now my mind is telling me it was justified when it really wasnt. There was a videogame i liked so much and then i thought of "" i dont like (insert thing here)"" and now its like i dont like it now just from the flick of a switch and i avoid it because the bad vibes that were put on it by my mind will associate itself with my initial good thoughts and make them bad. Sorry if this is weirdly structured im not the best at these. The thing im trying to is now my OCD has turned into the dominant personality and my old self is slowly evapourating every thought i get which links with what i dont want to become. Changing an opinion with just forming a sentence isnt supposed to be natural isnt it, idk anymore, i find it hard to distuingish thoughts from reality.",1 Pulled an all nighter and my obsessions are worse than they’ve been in a long time. Could the two be related?,1 "My son (6) started Ritalin on Monday (thank you everyone who gave advice the other day!) and we knew taking a pill would be hard for him since he had never done it before. The first day was hard, but he did it. Yesterday took a couple tries, but was much better and he was so proud! He kept saying, “I swallowed it as quick as a rabbit!” This morning….I don’t know what to do. He spit two in the trash and refused to swallow the third. Obviously we can’t just keep giving him new pills, but he is holding them in his mouth on purpose. At first he was laughing about it but it turned into a huge meltdown. We tried offering ice cream with it, prizes for taking them all week, taking privileges away until he takes it, but nothing is working. Yesterday he went shopping with me (we’re both vaccinated and always wear our masks) and it was the first time in at least three years that it was a pleasant experience for both of us. He was so happy to have been able to enjoy our time. I explained today that we won’t be doing anything like that if he doesn’t take it and he said he would take it, then faked it again. I am so lost. I don’t know what to do. We just want what’s best for him and the past two days have been so much better for all of us. The medication didn’t seem to “tame” him or mute his personality at all (happy for that!) but it calmed him just enough to be able to follow directions and make better choices. We didn’t have any meltdowns even after it wore off (and it was pretty obvious when it did). The only real negative I witnessed was a rough bedtime. Can anyone give me any advice on how to handle this? I’m waiting on a call from the doctor but I would be very grateful for perspective from first hand experience. Thanks in advance!",0 "Can anyone else understand body language just fine? and can tell when someone isn't enjoying their selves or gets upset etc? I also am very good at making people laugh which requires being able to time jokes. My main ASD symptoms are I despise eye contact, struggle with small talk, struggle socializing with anyone out of my close friend circle, struggle comforting people and properly expressing my emotions. But since I am completely fine with most if not all non-verbal communication and comprehending people's emotions etc my mom invalidates me 24/7 and just says I have bad social anxiety and I'm self-conscious and just to get out more is all. :(",3 "These past two years has completely beat the shit out of me. I'm on 50mg of zoloft with no health insurance. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for over 10 years. Live with my partner who is also mentally unwell and trying to get help. I'm on my period right now and genuinely just want to not live anymore. Nothing feels good. I'm broke with a bad credit score. No hobbies. I want to be happy so bad but it feels so impossible. I just want to get help. I just feel so lost and I want to implode. I recreationally do coke cause it helps me to feel something but don't drink. I smoke weed sometimes. I don't know what to do. My biggest fear is that I get to a place where I'm self sufficient and successful but I'm still miserable. I have a lot to be thankful for but I'm just so tired. So tired. Help",2 "I found out recently that most ""therapists"" can't actually diagnose. I get that it's not really *necessary* for them to be fully-fledged psychologists, but you'd think that it would've come up in sessions wherein I find myself complaining that I can't sort out my issues or point to what disorders account for what problems. I'm one of those people that needs to understand what's ""wrong"" to make sense of myself, and I've also been trying to apply for disability (got denied, couldn't muster the energy to appeal and now need to reapply). So again, diagnoses would be nice. Bonus points: All three psychiatrists I've had have been... Not great. Quick to prescribe, but condescending at at times when things don't work. I've had very little luck with medications, and psychotherapy has been... largely useless. Talking isn't good enough; my mind and thoughts and issues are a twisted knot and I need someone to lead, dig in, and unravel it. I don't even know what I should be looking for, only that I should probably switch both my therapist and psychiatrist, and see about a referral to someone for diagnostic purposes, I think? Advice? I struggle to navigate all this in the first place.",2 "Are you seriously telling me that not everyone had to practice how to be funny or sociable? That not everyone rehearses all the plausible scenarios of an event beforehand? How else are you able to learn? I don't understand. Recently, I've started researching autism and I'm kinda having an existential crisis as a result because everything I'm reading about autism is making me think ""wait, why is this weird? Isn't how everyone is?"". How do you become funny other than to practice? I remember thinking back in middle school that I wanted to be the funny person who could tell a joke. So I watched tons of TV comedies, memorized the jokes, practiced, learned, and improved everything until I could start to construct my own jokes and get laughs! Are you seriously telling me this isn't how everyone else does it? That all others just sort of ""get it"", and they didn't have to study and learn? Are you really going to tell me that most people don't have secret passions and interests that they research? I just thought the reason people didn't like that I info dumped was because it didn't match what was the ""socially acceptable interest"". Like, sure they don't like comedians, math, or computers, like I do, so they must be interested in what the popular thing is, like sports and stuff. That's what I thought anyway. I just stopped telling people all together what I was interested in because experience taught me that most everyone wouldn't be interested. So how does a neurotypical think? Because up until this point I've lived with a rule that I call the ""Humanized Cosmological Principle"". I am no special human - everyone else is exactly like me except, perhaps with different interests, motivations, and desires. And sure, I was fully aware that I wasn't as socially intelligent as my peers. But I also knew I was more intelligent in other categories than my peers so I just assumed that it all balanced out. Like, yeah I was smarter than them at math, but they knew the right things to say and how to be cool so they had that. And the way I saw it too was that they could use their social intelligence to achieve higher status in other things (I've tutored more than my fair share of people for free who convinced me that it was within my interests to do so). So I used my intelligence in other things to develop socially. I studied how people acted and what they said and I was able to come up with a fairly reliable set of rules to interact with people. I studied how Chandler from Friends acted because I wanted to be funny like him. I copied his jokes and his mannerisms to make people laugh and, for the most part, it worked. Eventually I became so practiced that I could start creating my own jokes and just blend in somewhat. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've always been the weird one. But I felt comfortable enough to chalk up my differences to ""standard eccentricities"". ​ Then I learn about autism.... I learned about the deficient social skills and all I'm thinking is ""well yeah that may have been true about me in the past but now I've learned better"". I've practiced enough to know what is and isn't socially acceptable I learned about repetitive behavior (aka stimming) and I'm like ""yeah but isn't everyone a bit fidgety? Like, maybe I have ADHD or something and that's why I can't sit still. I learned people with autism have trouble making eye contact. Sure, eye contact is weird. But no one is actually making eye contact, we are all just looking near the eye, like at the nose or cheek. I learned that people with autism have really specific interests and hobbies. And sure, I can get engrossed in a subject for weeks, even forgoing sleep and food to learn more about it, but usually I drop it after I get bored of it and find something else. That seems more like ADHD, right? Since I can't focus on one thing? ​ Look, the more I read about autism the more I'm becoming convinced that I may have it. There's just too many things specific to me that cannot merely be a coincidence. I started listening to YouTubers with autism and reading blogs and it's like people are explaining to me how my mind works and it's really breaking my brain. I thought I wasn't different. Maybe a bit smarter in some areas but definitely a lot dumber in others. I thought I was a normal human but apparently normal humans don't plan out every possible outcome of an interaction or stay up for two days straight researching a new topic. So how do neurotypicals think differently? What goes through their mind when they're talking to someone else? What are they interested in? What do they think about if not their interests? ​ I'm scared. Honestly, I hate to say this, but I have my prejudices and biases against people with autism. I didn't realize until I started down this exploration into myself and how I think. I've been called weird and autistic all my life. Generally I meet those comments with anger or dismissal to quell any further discussion of it. But I realize that my reaction stems fully from my own beliefs and biases against autism. I realize my ignorance now. I can't say I'm there yet, it's a journey and I can only promise to work on it. But these last two days have been an enlightening experience for me. I may or may not be autistic, but at least I know of a group of people who will accept my weirdness without having to explain why I act the way I do when I do something socially weird.",3 "So i have a memory of when i was a child and let's say i was curious and didn't think much of it, not until i got older the memories came back and i now feel disgusted and horrible I know people say that you shouldn't be too hard on yourself since you were still a child but i still feel odd and uncomfortable Anyone dealing with this? F my life, i feel like I'm getting better but then bam i get anxious and fall back again",1 "I am a disabled woman with asperger's, ptsd, and social phobia. Social housing is non-existent where I live, the waiting lists are years long, they are so long that nobody can even be added to the lists anymore. I don't want to be forced to pair up with an abusive man, or be forced to be someone's sex slave. After spending years living with a neurotypical my mental health has tanked, from the belittling and chronic invalidation, it just will not work anymore. Staying with family is out of the question, they do not want me, and even if they did, they would abuse me like they always have. I am very afraid. The only solution I can think of is finding another neurodivergent/disabled individual to share a regular apartment with. Are there any services like this out there?",3 "Hi everyone, I have an Instagram page where I post about autism based on my experience and in spanish for my friends in my country to understand. It's only for my friends and close people to understand me and if they're interested in the subject. I'm thinking about making a post about love life/romantic life in the case of autistic people such as myself and I would like to cover as much as possible. What would you like your neurotypical friends, possible partners, and others, to know about love/romance being autistic? Anything regarding sexual education? Anything regarding your interactions with other people? What does it imply for you being autistic to be in a relationship with someone else? Do you identify with the LGBTQIA+ community and if so, what’s your experience? What’s your experience in general with relationships? The reason I’m asking is that I want to cover as much as possible, obviously some things will be based on my experience because I’m one autistic person and I obviously do not represent everyone, but I would not like to leave out things that might be important for some.",3 "Lately, I've been feeling it very strongly. I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend whom I love incredibly much. Because of my autism, I didn't even think it would be possible for me to get a partner, but here I am. My boyfriend has not gotten an autism diagnosis, but we are both pretty sure that he has autism in some degree. One of my biggest triggers is a continuous sound or movement, example a dripping sink, humming, tapping on table, people moving their legs when they sit or lie down, etc. My boyfriend does a lot of these things; he taps a rhythm on the table, moves his feet when we're lying on a sofa, hums a tune of a symphony (we're both classical musicians), and the like. I completely freak out when he does those things, and he does them a lot. Like, a lot. It's like I can't be in my own body when he does these things, and I just wanna curl up in the other end of the sofa when he unconsciously continues after I've told him to stop.. I wish I was able to live with him doing it, but I just can't.. Does anyone relate to this or at least somewhat? Am I in the wrong for trying to make him stop? If anyone have any kind of advice, I'll gladly listen, thank you.",3 "I have survivor's guilt, among other traumas (sexual, physical, emotional abuse, military service as a female, etc.), from watching a classmate die a terrible death at age 8 and thinking I was responsible (very much like the Robin Williams movie ""The Final Cut"" if anyone's seen it). I'm 48 now. I feel guilty all the time, like a murderer that didn't get caught. I have nightmares of standing by and doing nothing while someone is getting killed in some awful, graphic way. If I don't stay absolutely focused on something images like that go through my mind and I spend a lot of time trying to avoid those images. I'm tired of it. Have not started therapy but the doc gave me Buspar and Minipress for the nightmares. If anyone's taken it I'd like to know if it really helps.",3 " I, i am a women in his 30’s (my first langage is french... so sorry for my english) I’ve been abuse sexually, physically and psychologicaly for many years and by different mens in differents situations (15 yrs to 22yrs old). From family, boyfriend, a client in a boutique that tried to rape me, chiropractor and doctor ( who no longer have the right to practice). I was really cursed.... because it seems that everywhere i go there was a bad men. I manage to finish my university, have a good job, have a husband and childrens. I have a great life. But, i still have triggers... reflexes and tought of my past. I just want it to disapear. I’ve been better and better as the years passes. And i doubt that i could heal more... but i can’t say beacuse i didn’t have therapy. But i’m afraid of it. Theres so much that i never even pronounce out loud... because its seems impossible that all that stuff happens to just one person... Its been two days since i think of going to therapy and i experience symptoms that i didn’t had since years... shaking hands, accelerating heart betting, pain in my stomach. My whole body just want to run. I think of going to therapy because since i know that i will move to another town, i fear that i will move where my ex-boyfriend lives. I cannot live where he is. But i can’t search where he is and I’m paralyse... that makes all the others agressions to the surface. My husband juste want ti know is name to search where he live. Just to know and making sure that we don’t go there. I know that he will never do something stupid, like searching for him and making trouble. The problem is that i realise that i can’t tell is name out loud.! It was surprise. But the words doesn’t go out! I feel like that if we didn’t have to move, i would not have to go to all that. But i want to move for my childrens. They are gifted, and they need to be in a place where they can be stimulated and have better opportunities. Things that their dad and me didn’t have. I don’t want the processus to reflect on my family and my work. If it make me worse. Does it really worth the try?",3 "i often go through periods of not wanting to do anything and being too exhausted, to taking on several tasks and doing more than i can legitimately handle which leads to burn out. i’m a huge people pleaser and perfectionist so when i disappoint other people or feel my “mask” slipping, i’m extremely hard on myself and that also leads to burn out. right now i’m in the middle of experiencing this because i took on two part time jobs and one of them is so fast paced that my work performance is declining. i’ve also started talking to people more often and i can’t wrap my head around texting people back in an appropriate amount of time. i’m too stressed to even talk to anyone. i just need tips on how to handle this and reduce becoming burnt out. i’m extremely exhausted and i feel guilty for being so exhausted but i can’t help it. i feel like a disappointment. edit: needed to add more information",3 "I find that sometimes when stuff changes, my first instinct is to point out something I notice. Suddenly see someone on camera - ""you have a green shirt"" ...not hello. When I enter a new place - ""those curtains are different"" ... It seems I'm just adjusting to things and my first instinct is to point them all out. I'm very detail oriented. I often forget to say hello first. It's like it requires planning and concentration to prevent my mind's detour.",3 "Hi everyone so I’m a (21f) and I’ve been experiencing cheating OCD. I keep convincing myself I cheated on my partner. This is going to be a long story so bare with me. Okay so I used to download a lot of games/apps (I’m also agoraphobic and haven’t left the house in a year). I would especially download virtually reality apps and other apps to find friends . I found a few I downloaded back in July-June and I think a couple of them I deleted immediately because I thought they looked like dating apps. One was called “meet me” and one was “hoop-make new friends” and some virtual reality looking ones. I logged back into them and I couldn’t find anything . On the meet me app it said I was a newbie and didn’t have any notifications or views . And on the hoop app it said I was a newbie too. But I still keep obsessing I used these apps and flirted with someone and don’t remember it . And it’s been driving me mad . Another example is I downloaded this game called the rec room. These boys kept following me saying I sounded like a boy so I gave them my Instagram so they would shut up . I blocked one and two others I had a short convo with (which I can’t remember) and I think I told one of them I had a bf cuz he called me pretty . Anyways these are just a few examples about what I freak out about . I tried breaking up with my bf at least 7 times over this .",1 "You have no idea how much I loved him. I miss him so much and sometimes I break down crying before going to bed because I was so oblivious to the fact that he was dying. I was too young to know about cancer and he had severe cancer and kept going in and out of remission so I thought, on his death bed, that he would get better. He didn’t. I’m a person to joke about my trauma but I genuinely miss him. He was my favorite parent. Even though I still have both my biological parents living I have still lost a parent. My younger half-sister likes to downplay it because he’s not my “biological father” while he was her bio dad. I don’t say anything though because, she does have a point, I still do have my bio father while she doesn’t. I feel like she has resentment towards me because I am the oldest and when he passed she was *6 years old* while I was *10 years old*, and I knew him all my life as well so I have had more time with him. I empathize with my sister but I deeply grieved over the loss of a parent, more than she knows. I miss my stepdad and the feeling never goes away, it dimmers. And it does get better. I wish I could talk to him one last time.",2 "I can't. I'm a complete disgrace to my entire family, and I've let everyone down. I'm never going to pass anything and I can't even focus on shit properly. My parents probably wouldn't care about my death. They have two other children who can carry on their legacy properly and one firstborn that is already succeeding in life. I can't do anything right. I'm a failure and I'll be a deadbeat. I don't know what to do. I've tried to kill myself before but all in vain. I always manage to hide it before my parents find out. I'm so done and I'm a fuckin loser. They always say to put my mind to something, but I can't. My mind is always somewhere else and I'm beaten for that. Am I doing something wrong in this stupid fucking world.",2 This POCD won’t fully go away. It never ever bothered me and I never even asked myself if I was attracted to kids. Not I can’t even think of sex with a girl my age because her body reminds me of a young girl. Every time I think of a young girl my body hurts from tensing up. And I keep feeling false attraction. This sucks. I want this to fully go away. I’ve had crushes on multiple women older than me and love the traits of grown women. So it’s practically impossible for me to be a pedo. So why in the heck am I so obsessed about this when I know it’s just a stupid irrational fear?,1 "Recently there's been a lot of fighting for racial equality as well as LGBTQ+ equality these are all amazing things, but you know what I don't see? People fighting for our rights, for us to live happy lives....Why???? When is it the neurodivergents turn? Why is it only a small amount of people even care about us, I keep asking myself this constantly and I just can't stop thinking about it, I just wanna know why it's important for everyone else to be equal but not us or any neurodivergent people. I am sorry if this seems bad to say or whatever but I just needed to get it off my chest it just makes me sad and frustrated, I just want to see everyone equal and happy.",3 "[https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26377777/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26377777/) Suspecting I am likely to have ADHD, ( need to get diagnosed yet), I've been researching a lot about it. Something I have noticed is that my mother always tells me how as a baby I had colic. I was constantly crying ALL THE TIME. Very fussy too. I have found that there is a POSSIBLE link between babies with colic and ADHD, although it's still being researched. ADDITIONALLY : a possible link (still needs further researching) is that a trauamtic birth can cause ADHD/ be a risk factor. [https://www.thevillarifirm.com/2020/12/can-a-birth-injury-cause-adhd/](https://www.thevillarifirm.com/2020/12/can-a-birth-injury-cause-adhd/) I myself had a stressful birth (it was a miracle I survived). I just thought it would be interesting to see if anyone related to these?",0 "I'm going to try to keep this short, because apparently I have a problem with that. The realm of ASD/Asperger's is new to me. If I've used incorrect terms, or my comprehension is wrong I apologize. I've recently started treatment for ADHD. It's helped immensely in some areas, but has made me realize it's possible I have ADHD and Asperger's. I have a theory the two of them have coexisted in me and kept each other in check. They overlap in the areas they impact but the way they impact those areas are almost opposites. Focus - ADHD pulls it away and ASD amplifies it Working memory - ADHD unceremoniously empties it while ASD jams as much as it can in there about our current obsession Social skills - ADHD distracts and makes them harder, ASD makes them confusing and hard to understand I've always been an empath so I ruled out Asperger's long ago because I was led to believe there was a stunted emotional range - which isn't true. The issue is with interpretation and the ability to recognize emotion. That's my understanding of it, if I'm wrong please correct me. I've been examining my life with the ADHD and Asperger's lenses applied at the same time, and it makes a whole lot more sense. I am suddenly experiencing what I'd describe as Asperger's for the first time. I'll add I did come off antidepressants recently and I'm aware that my emotional instability is partly from that, but beyond the instability I've found my switch. I can turn them off just by telling myself to. Without the antidepressants I have two modes of emotion, on or off. They've been catching me by surprise and overwhelming me, but at the same time I've been analyzing it all. I figured out that I can tell myself to turn off my emotions. I've also realized that many of my emotions are attached to personalities. I've trained the personalities to only use specific emotions. My Dad personality is gentle, patient, has some childlike wonder and doesn't get angry. His role is always positive problem solving. My husband personality is similar but the emotional needs and expected responses are more complex than what I need to wear for my daughter. I have a slightly different personality for my friends, which also change depending on their gender. People who require more complex emotional personalities are much more work. People who put out a lot of negative emotion are an unbearable amount of work because overly strong emotions are harder for me to stay around. Even my thoughts around sex have always been different. Sex for me is about feeding off the other person's emotions and pleasure - which are what drive my sexual pleasure. Love isn't a part of it, human connection is. I've realized, I have a sex personality designed to maximize that connection. I've been driven my entire life to understand the link between emotions, people and how people can so easily ignore other's needs and pain because of their emotional connection to something they've been taught. I realize that I've been focused on this puzzle my entire life, since I was a child and first realized I was different than everyone else. The need to understand how people work and how I work has been driving me. I only figured it out when I was able to quiet the distraction from ADHD and the single-minded focus kicked in. I realized I can't turn this focus off. I literally can't stop talking about it, reading about it, it's all consuming now that the balance is off and the ASD focus and drive are stronger than the ADHD distraction. These parts of me have always been muted because of the focus battle so this really is the first time I'm experiencing this. I don't know how can I make anyone who has the resources to help me understand all of this, understand what I've said here. I can't get people without ADHD to understand why I'm unable get up and do something or why I forget they exist if I'm not looking at them. How do I get medical professionals who I know from experience don't have the insight to comprehend and understand what I'm trying to explain to understand this. I'm not an expert, I'm just a guy who has spent almost two years with my life on complete hold so I can dedicate all of my energy to solving me. I'm self-aware, emotionally intelligent, patient, and understand my motivation. I can feel the shift in balance whey my medication starts working. It feels like my focus is being driven by something other than me when they ADHD is quiet. I laid down a foundation of skills and supports when I started out two years ago to assist me and to keep me on the path I need to be on right now. I've used my foundation to diagnose ADHD, rid myself of depression and anxiety all within the past year on my own. Doctor's didn't get me here - they've only prescribed the medications I told them I need. Now I have to rely on them again, and that's hard for me because I don't trust that they always listen to their patients. I could be completely wrong as well and that's kind of the point in posting this - If anyone can understand or advise me it's the people here. Am I way out in left-field here? Does what I am saying make logical sense?",3 "Hey, one theme from my OCD has been reverting back to my past self who was immature, rude, angry, and unable to form my own opinions. This specific theme has been a looming storm cloud for a year now. Its kept me from listening to music I haven't heard since the past, as well as games and food. Smells, TV shows, and pretty much anything contributes to this kind of thing. I recently found a food item that I've been looking for for years but haven't had since I was at a different self. If anyone can confirm that they've done this with no side effects it would be appreciated. Hearing people say thing has been my best solution to this, however I would appreciate if it were genuine and not said as a form of pity.",1 "Can OCD cause you to have intrusive thoughts about memory? Such as 'your memory is terrible', 'you forgot what you just did.' These may not seem like much but often I end thinking about these a lot and then end up forgetting what I just did which keeps the cycle going. Sometimes I also have to actively remember things to prove my memory is not bad. Is this OCD or is it something else? Any help much appreciated!",1 "You are supposed to shake hands, but what if you didn't? Would the outcome of a meeting really be different? You can just say ""hello"" instead. In the Netherlands we have a way of adressing old people. It is supposed to be respectful. It is a different word for the dutch equivalent of ""you"". They never explain why this is respectful. If they use it with me when I'm old, I would be like: ""why do you remind me that I'm old? ..."". It is also feels putting old people above yourself. Aren't we supposed to be equal? We kiss secondary family 3 times on the cheek. But why? Isn't one kiss enough? Why even kiss, just say goodbye. You are supposed to let women go first through a door, according to some people. That does not make it seem men and women are equal. It makes it seem women are above men. I propose: if man is closest to the door he opens, otherwise the other way around. The same with men opening car doors for women. I propose: if driver == man: man opens; Else: woman opens ; It apparently is polite to say ""can I order"" when calling to order fastfood. But what else are you gonna do if you call a line that is set up for ordering food? It would be better to just start your order immediately after saying hello. Cashiers are supposed to say hello and it is seen normal if they talk to customers. However, this talking slows the queuespeed down. Why not just go all self scan? Cashiers jobs are actually redundant if you have a good system in place. You are supposed to hang out with people just because you have the same surname/genes/""blood"".Let me choose who I hang out with! I believe more in a vin diesel ""family"". You don't have to be related to really care about eachother. The 5 days a week school and work is a weird norm. If I go to school/work 5 days a week, why don't I get 5 days back of freedom? 2 days is not really a fair trade. (I will search for a part-time job after graduation). 9 - 5 is also too much. You have to go home and maybe cook after that. (I will freeze food in the free days when I will live alone, so I don't have to do that) It is the norm that kids should play/be a kid and not be forced to do things, but I've seen one father who let his kid as a baby listen to music notes and the verbal word for them. The kid devloped perfect pitch. So, although you sacrifice freedom of the kid, shouldn't we take advantage of the high learnability of kids/babies? That way he will be a genius in something when older, because he aquired the power when he had superlearning ability. There are all sorts of cutlery rules that restaurants apperently follow. Does it really matter? The customer will just put the cutlery how he wants it in mere seconds. Pizza hawaii is looked dowm upon because you aren't supposed to put pineapple on a pizza. If someone likes it though, what's the problem? You are supposed to look others in the eye even though you can just communicate with words just fine. Can you add more things? If all people just learned to have an open mind to everything, the world would be so much better. But no, there are rules once set and never reconsidered and everyone is expected to follow them. I will not treat others like that. I will never tell someone to be normal. I will treat others like unique and independent, apart from the rules of society. If someone likes pizza hawaii, let him eat it. If someone doesn't want to talk to a cashier let him. If a cashier doesn't want to talk, let him too. I wouldn't mind a cashier just pointing at the price and at the bankpassthingy and then I pay and go. (Don't even need to point, because the bankpassthingy has a screen which says you can pay). If someone doesn't want to shake hands or look me in the eyes, it's okay. I wish we treated every human as an entity with it's own rules and not make up rules together, except for really necessary rules, like: don't steal, don't murder.",3 "Hey everyone. I found this sub through frantic Google searches from back when I started Adderall IR. I made this account just to briefly rant about something I'm sure most of y'all have already ranted about at some point. Whenever I tell someone that I take Adderall, the response is always about how 'crazy' that is because they 'did it once' and either 'couldn't stop cleaning' or 'partied so hard and didn't sleep for three days' etc etc. Friends have even asked me if I will sell them my meds so that they can go out drinking. How do I even respond to that? I have been misdiagnosed with depression, anxiety and stress throughout my teen years. I've spent so much money on psych appointments and SSRI medications as an adult until Adderall was suggested. It's been two years now and I feel like I am more myself than I've ever been. There's no more constant doom dialogue in the back of my head preventing me from seeing friends, studying, and working. So many people don't get prescribed Adderall because people like my friends abuse it, which makes it harder for everyone else. I'm just sick of having this conversation. What do you guys say when people belittle the medication and make it seem like something that only exists to be abused?",0 "I am 22(m), went my whole life up until about 3 months ago without a diagnosis. I always knew that I could not focus like my peers which led to very poor performance in high school. Ultimately I was able to figure out how to do good in school without being able to focus graduating with a bachelors degree, but I never had the focus that I wanted in order to actually be able to retain information. I always attributed these struggles to childhood trauma, but after years and years of trying to figure out how to overcome this by using certain PTSD therapies and coping methods, I realised there is something larger holding me back from my goals. After graduating from college in May and getting what I thought was my dream job in my dream career, I couldn't get over anxieties or do the things that are seemingly easy for other people to be successful in this career. I ended up getting diagnosed with severe ADHD and have been having a difficult time getting over that my brain was so jaded all these years and will be forever unless I take the proper steps to maximise my brains capacities, not just take the medicine and consider myself ""fixed"". If anyone has any input as a young adult getting diagnosed I would appreciate to hear your input. Thank you",0 hey guys i have ocd and depression i take fluoxetine and risperdone and its hard for me to focus on studies i dont understand lessons is the medication making it hard for me to focus,1 I am accidentally rude to friends and then they dislike me leaving me lonely. I try to be a good person and express my feelings but then things get messy. But if I don’t express my feelings it builds up and makes me depressed over time. I feel better speaking up but others feel worse. How do I get better at this? I want to express how I feel while still being nice to people and I keep messing up. I honestly hate myself at this point...,3 "I’m 20 years old studying at a university. Outside of my school I have a parttime job to pay for my bills, pay for my school and of course buy stuf that I like. I have been working since 15 years old (it’s a common thing in the Netherlands). I always try to find jobs that I like but every time after a couple of months I start to hate the job that I do. I’m now working in a electronics store for about 6 month and I really loved the job when I started. Now I just don’t want to go to work anymore and it really frustrates me because I have this at every job. The job is a bit the same everyday I meet new costumers every day and the conversation are never the same but I still have to do the same tasks everyday. And I have had this on every job that I’ve had causing me to work less hard with results in getting fired. I’m afraid that when I finish uni and work a full time job I will just lose my interest as quick as the jobs that I have had. Do you guys have the same experience and maybe any tips to keep have fun in you’re job and not losing interest 😭.",0 "Hi All, Are there any kinesthetic learners on here with ADHD? What do you do and how do you go about your day to day? I struggle with work as I am in IT, can't sit in one place or shut up to save my life. Been told I'm in the wrong career but this is what I love and I can't even be bothered to do the work, what can I do?",0 "I'm interested in getting into REI, but a lot of the social aspects of it are hard to wrap my mind around. I'm very much a classroom/visual learner, and I've tapped YT and BP (not a fan of them). I'm not yet in a place to hire people I trust to be ""interpreter"" to the NTs. I worry that finding a mentor that isn't aware, or has had zero contact with someone on the spectrum is going to set me up for failure. So I'm wondering if anyone here is in REI that can help me get on the right path, or point me in the right direction? I plan on cross posting this to r/realestateinvesting in case I'm the only one, but I doubt I am :)",3 " A couple years ago, I had an undefined relationship with one of my friends. We were both bi women, and we had been flirting with each other for a while. I had taken her as my date to the prom, and afterwards me and all of my friends rented a house together for a weekend to party. We all got drunk, tho I was by far the most. I had even taken my top off that night in front of my friends. Anyway, she ended up putting me to bed (we were sharing a bed that night) and while she was I was a giggly mess, which I think she thought was funny. I had very quickly grabbed her face and gave her a peck on the lips. I did that a couple more times while she was trying to put me to bed I think. While she didn’t say stop, I don’t remember her reaction. Since it didn’t go further, I’m worried she did not want it to happen. The next day she flirted with me some more, and I apologized for what I did and she said she wasn’t uncomfortable and I don’t need to worry or apologize. But I don’t know if kissing her without her verbal consent, is that bad? Did I do something wrong? Was this sexual assault? Is this unforgivable? I don’t know what to do",1 "Sorry I need to get this out somewhere and maybe some advice from other people with common issues can help or relate, for background info I was abused mentally and sexually for many years by a previous bf and im currently with a guy who cares genuinely and has been such a big help and abiut a month ago he brought it to my attention that I always leave right after sex and I never noticed this but he kept pointing it out and I felt guilty for doing it and he does nothing wrong I enjoy my time with him but after I get feelings of anxiety and uncomfortable if I don't leave and this in turn makes him feel bad or like I'm using him which I would never wanna make him feel as he's had similar situations as me in previous relationships and I wanna stop doing it I don't wanna leave like that but I'm just not used to not being used for my body and I wondering if anyone else has this issue or how to work on it. Ps-thank you all on this reddit it's helped me alot!",3 "Yesterday during my psychotherapy session my therapist told me that her and her supervisor came to the conclusion that I am on the adhd spectrum, that it's both biological/genetic and is socially exacerbated. They came to the conclusion based on tests and how I am behave during sessions. Disclaimer, of course, they can't write it as official diagnosis. Nevertheless, while yes, it's been pretty much guaranteed that I do have it, it's not a surprise, it hit me hard. Because the one bit of illusion that once I get my shit together I'll be able to do everything is now destroyed. My shortcomings are here to stay, all I can do is manage. Whatever I'm doing now is my best, and will never get better. My achievements are not a beginning of a longterm beautiful thing. They are a short term achievement requiring the same effort and struggle every day. And the worst part is realising that your mental capacity limits you from understanding some things, and most likely, you will never cross that border to understanding those things.",0 "5 years ago I dated a great person for about a year. We were good for each other, not perfect but more compatible than anyone I'd dated before, and more than folks I've dated since. But I wasn't ready for the relationship, I still had terrible self worth, could barely manage my anxiety, didn't give my partner the respect they deserved, and just didn't stand to gain from settling down at the time versus remaining single and mingling (though this doesn't factor in as much as earlier reasons). It took me a while to recover and move on, because as I've worked on myself and tried to improve rather than repeating the same mistakes, I've had to process that much more about how poorly things went with this ex. Like a mistake that you only realize the magnitude of in spurts 20% every year. Lately I had the curiosity to check how they are doing, I hadn't searching them online for a year or so. I knew they had been in a steady relationship for a couple years and suspected they'd probably gotten married if still together. But seeing the changed last name, the official sign, still put me in a melancholy mood today. Of course I knew as soon as things ended that there was no going back, and I still know I'm not the person they're supposed to be with, and I hope the best for them in life knowing how good of a person they are, but damn it just keeps coming back around and kicking me in the ass, this mistake I made. That's all. Just a snippet of life for this post. Lots more completely unrelated depressing thoughts been on my mind the past week (processing guilt and self hate for other past mistakes) but I haven't felt like posting about those yet. I don't need any comments about the vent, but any are welcome. Good night y'all",2 "I went stopped eating meat summer of 2020 and since then my OCD got significantly worse. I always thought it was due to the pandemic but I'm seeing protein rich foods help OCD be more manageable. I know there are beans and lentils packed with protein but I can't cook every day due to my OCD being worse. Anyone have advice or have experienced/heard something similar??",1 "Hey guys so i have an appt with a therapist tomorrow, do they really help?",2 "Does anyone who take adderall here smoke cigarettes or vape? whenever I vape after taking adderall, it makes me nauseous most of the time. Does anyone else experience this? It could be because both are appetite suppressants. But also I used to take welbutrin which would also make nicotine not pleasurable at all, so maybe it has that effect to. I just can’t find anything about it online.",0 "Anyone else notice a certain speech pattern in (most) aspies that’s like a lisp, but not exactly? It’s a little more visual (the animation of the lips) than it is audible, but there is a subtle audible component to it. This is one point of evidence I use in suspecting someone of being a fellow aspie (it’s not 100% predictive, obviously). Other behavioral idiosyncrasies sometimes help confirm my suspicion, although I’m no psychologist and am therefore not qualified to make an actual diagnosis. Edit: I feel I must clarify, I don’t mean an actual lisp. This is simply the only word that comes to mind for me (plus, I feel like there’s a certain catchiness to “aspie lisp”). I have this, along with a few people with confirmed diagnoses I know and a few I suspect are aspies, and it’s a rather particular speech pattern. For me it’s a raising up of a corner of my upper lip as I speak, plus a “forward ness” of pronunciation that’s somewhere between American (hardly any at all) and Russian (very forward in the mouth). I get that odd speech patterns are common and quite varied among us, but I feel like there’s often times a consistent marker that I am attempting to pinpoint. I feel like an isolated computer generated animation of multiple aspies’ lip movements would reveal a lot about this.",3 "I am not diagnosed with OCD, so I hope I don’t come across offensive. But I have a few questions regarding OCD behaviours that don’t fall into the compulsive category. Has anyone on here been diagnosed with OCD, just having the thoughts? I have GAD (general anxiety disorder) and it was mentioned to me about OCD, but I don’t have the need to perform rituals. Except in my mind as thoughts. I will obsessively go over certain thoughts for hours, despite not wanting too, it feels like I have too if that makes sense. I’ve done this since I was a child and have always been told it’s anxiety. Which I do believe because anxiety is present while I’m stuck in these thoughts. But I’m trying to understand if it’s possibly part of OCD. Because I naively only thought OCD could be diagnosed if performing certain rituals were present. Just trying to understand and get other people’s insight.",1 "Hey all, I have seen a couple posts on here today about how those who have had sexual assaults now have intense anxiety about sex and everything surrounding it. I believe I have become a sex addict, and the total opposite of what I see on here. My older brother sexually abused me for eight years (aged 5 to 13). Since I got with my first boyfriend at the age of 16, I have been obsessed with sex. I know I have BPD, so I know they go hand in hand. Only my ex-fiancé (my sons father) knows about the abuse, so he was always very careful on that front with me. Unfortunately, some of the time when I am having sex, I get intense flashbacks and see my brothers face there, and then just tell whoever I am with that I can't and leave. I am into very submissive things that I think plays into my abuse as a child. Is this common? Thanks for your responses in advance!",3 "I was diagnosed in oct. 2020 at 27 years old. But due to insurance changes I’m seeing a new provider and they are requiring a urine test before they renew my prescription. I smoke in the evenings to help with my sleep (when I don’t I’m up until 3-6 am) and I’m unsure how Utah approaches the urine test. Will my prescription be denied due to other drug use? Or are they simply checking to see if the adderall is in my system and at the prescribed dose (aka not selling it and not abusing it)// not using other abused narcotic/addictive substances. Thanks in advance!",0 "I'm not worth anything. I'm too lazy to do anything. I have things to do but here I am laying down in bed doing nothing because I have no energy. I won't amount to anything. I'm not a good friend. I'm a really terrible friend. I don't think they care about me they're just talking to me because they feel bad. I'm not good enough. I'm trash at everything. I'm a lost cause, there's no saving me. I wish I get shot or run over by a car or truck or something. My friends hate me they don't want to do anything with me and it's easy for them to leave me. They would be happier if I die. I'm shit and no matter how many good things I do I'm still shit. I'm irredeemable. I'm useless. I'm a waste of space, of resources, of air. I deserve to die. I don't deserve to have friends. I'm too dumb and stupid to become better. I deserve to die and I need to die. I'll always be a burden as long as I exist.",2 "I am 19, and on the autism spectrum. I look after my grandma who has advanced Alzheimer’s. I find myself getting extremely annoyed with her, even though it’s not her fault. It’s to the point where everything annoys me. The slow and unsteady way she walks, how when she talks she sounds meak and like she’s on her deathbed when she physically healthy, and how she asks me over and over if I need anything to eat. It makes me feel guilty because I know she is just old and is trying to make sure I’m okay. She has loved me unconditionally my whole life and now that she needs it back I’m being selfish. I can’t seem to get over how being around her makes me feel and it makes my parents upset that I get upset. Am I terrible for being very irritated by this? I know it’s wrong, but every time she speaks or does anything it puts me on edge, and I can’t seem to move past it, but I want to do bad. Any advice for this? Sorry this is so long.",3 "Did I do the right thing by asking for compensation when a heavy-smoking drunkard with no income who lived for free upstairs with a girlfriend, interrupted my sleep numerous times in order to ask me for a ride to Dillons? I sleep in the day & work evenings. He'd ask for rides to Dillons (Kroger chain of supermarkets) when I still had hours of sleep left. I'd ask for compensation because I needed to sleep, but he'd have nothing to provide me right then. Yet he still insisted that I take him. I refused to be anyone's free taxi service when I wasn't well-rested and alert, so I told him to only come back when I'm well-rested or when he'd figure out what compensation to give me. I'd also ask the jobless man why couldn't he just walk to Dillons himself. (About 7 blocks east of our apartment complex) He said he had a bad knee from an old motorcycle accident back in the 80s. It hurt to this day, so without medical insurance for painkillers, he resorted to drinking heavy liquor (often vodka) to dull the pain. It's also why he'd ask for $5 frequently; the cheapest vodka would be had for $5. I told him ""As the US Marines say, '**Pain Is Weakness Leaving Your Body**.'"" (Yes, that is an actual motivational quote perpetuated by the USMC.) So I insinuated he'd get stronger through the pain if he'd just tough it out and walk there anyway. He wouldn't buy that statement. I also asked why he wouldn't make friends with other tenants in the complex who actually was alert in the daytime and he said he didn't like to associate with most people but very much wanted to be around me. Later, he would compensate me sometimes with meals that he'd cook (to his credit, he cooked quality meals somehow) so after taste-testing them, I'd begrudgingly give him rides, although it wasn't as safe to give rides in my state of tiredness. After all, drowsy driving may be as dangerous as drunk driving. (Is it?) Luckily, he and his girlfriend were eventually banned from the apartment complex because he wasn't authorized on the lease and she had cats that he gave him, but without the proper pet authorizations ($200 pet fee, vaccinations and miscellaneous documents.) So did I do the right thing by asking for compensation upon being asked for a ride by a drunk neighbor, due to my needing to sleep in the daytime and work in the evenings? And for implying that his knee pain would make him stronger if he toughed through it by walking 7 blocks to Dillons instead?",3 "The mail gets put on a table where it isn't in my face until I feel I'm in a good enough place to go through it. Every ring of the phone gets to me. It's not a trigger, but I will say it definitely gives me a very, very serious startle. If I have to fill out paperwork, or I have to make a phone call for any type of business, it is such an extremely hard thing to do and there is generally a good attack or two that happens before I can finally tend to those things. I would never think of asking if anyone else is the same, because it just feels like more of a 'me' thing. But, my aunt who also struggles with PTSD feels the same exact way about all these things. In fact, I found out she also even has her mail put up and only goes through it one weekday a week. Is anyone else similar to us?",3 "I'll be honest. I'm tired of ghosting. Tired of refusing invitations to dinners or parties. Tired of making up excuses not to go. I think I need to finally accept it. I don't want any friends at all. Which is weird because I do feel lonely. Is this an aspie thing? Or is there something wrong with me? I'm definitely asocial. Period. I don't really enjoy being around my family much less people I barely know. I can't stand it. Every time I make a friend I start thinking how to get rid of him. But I don't like breaking people's hearts. That's why I think I'm done with it. I'm a hermit. I'll just go live in the woods... I guess.",3 "I'm just curious. I don't ever really miss people. That doesn't mean I don't care or love them, I do, but when they're not there I don't have that...craving? That others get when they say they miss people. Even when I get lonely I don't think it's comparable to what other people mean. I don't want anyone in particular. When I'm lonely I want someone who understands me and relates, which very few of my loved ones can. I remember when I was 8 I went to Puerto Rico over the summer for a month to visit family. It was just with my sister and my grandparents. When I got back I distibctly remember my mom asking ""did you miss me?"" And I just flatly said no, I didn't. I remember how taken aback and hurt she was and how I quickly tried to explain that I just didn't miss anybody. It wasn't about her. I was a hyperlexic kid, but I struggled to put into words that those feelings iust weren't there. I'm just wondering if this is an ASD thing or based on my trauma history or something else. Can anybody relate?",3 " I heard the thud and the girl who found him scream. I heard the police and the paramedics trying to revive him and saw him being carted out the front door with a sheet. We weren’t close, just said hi here and there if we passed each other. I’m honestly traumatized from hearing everything. Is this a normal response? Am I overreacting? I can hardly sleep, I can’t look at that corner of my living room because I know what happened on the other side. There’s a part of me that is scared as a child would be of a ghost or something like that? There was a glove that the paramedics left in the hallway that I had to ask one of my neighbors if they could get rid of it because I’m scared to go down that hall. Every time I close my eyes I hear the thud and that bloodcurdling scream.",3 "Hello I’m a 20 something male. I take 10 mg of focalin, 100 mg of pristiq, 1 mg of clonizapam, 60 mg of bruspar. Honestly the best thing for was focalin, helps out a decent bit. Before I was just depressed and anxious all day, so I’m glad I’m not there, but I’m not 100% either. Still feel a decent bit of anxiety or guilt in my upper stomach for parts of the day, every day. Then I may get really happy and excited. My mood bounces a lot now. My doctor wants me to wait for me to be on the pristiq for 8 weeks to get the full effect, I’ve been on it for 6 weeks. Honestly I didn’t think it did much to help, but now it’s hard for me to change task. Like I want to watch something on YouTube but I’m here on Reddit. Just wondering if there is anything besides adhd that people are given to help with emotional regulation and if the medicine helps. If not then any techniques that help (no cbt, I know enough about it).",0 "I can’t do it. I can’t do it anymore. Some one please tell me what to do. I want to die. I handle the pain I feel anymore. My meds aren’t working, I tried reaching out to my doctor a month ago and got silence. My last therapist didn’t work out and I feel like it’s not helping whatsoever. I failed last semester, I hate my job, my family and I feel so alone. I can’t stop cry cause I can’t do anything right. I want to end it. I don’t see a point in living anymore. I want to give up.",2 "Anyone just want to stay locked away in their room because of their thoughts? I genuinely want to give up already. Yesterday I wanted to go out and buy something, and pick up some food my mom made, but couldn't even start my car. It's like, the what if's and thoughts are paralyzing me. And so are the doubts and uncertainty. Why am I even paying for that damn car? What am I even attempting to make an effort by taking medication and seeking therapy? Why am I even seeking to finish my education? I'll never escape those damn thoughts that make me feel like a sick monster. I don't want these freaking thoughts.",1 "So now that I've accepted that my social fears are not from generalized anxiety disorder but more of a learned thing from a lifetime of some sort of cognitive issues.. I feel completely and totally hopeless. I've started to think that the only way I'll ever be content is to not be with anyone. The intensity of talking to someone even if it's just a typical morning greeting is so intense I just want to go to sleep sometimes. Even if I interact in a completely normal way I end up reliving the moment all day long trying to figure out if I handled it properly, and I'm literally talking about just someone asking me how I'm doing or what I did this weekend or whatever. That's all I could go on and on and on but this group is the only place I've ever found anybody who understands what I go through. Edit: Omg can I really not edit the title? I think all 100k + of us should protest. Seriously, 100,000 aspies demand editable titles!",3 "My doctor just said he got the okay from a psychiatrist to prescribe it so now I'm just waiting for our appointment to discuss dosing and such. Just looking to hear others experiences. I always get nervous when starting a new medication. But if it means it'll help my nightmares, I'll take anything at this point.",3 "I had convinced myself while at a party that my ex boyfriend was attending that he had been going around the party showing everyone naked pictures he had of me... I was so upset about it that I overshared this information with some coworkers, in detail... I spoke to a friend of mine that was also at this party about the incident and he told me what I thought happened never actually happened. At work the next day I took a deep ass breath and unveiled my crazy to a coworker. She’s making small remarks like “everyone’s a little crazy, isn’t that right? & gestures toward me...and “people lie to me everyday” while glancing in my direction.. I fear I have ruined my chances of ever fitting in at this job and I’ll have to quit due to being treated like garbage for this. I didn’t lie. I sincerely thought that that was what had happened, and I told her that. I’ve had enough of this paranoia. Not being able to trust anyone due to my trauma has turned me into...well just a really lonely paranoid person. I’m so tired of fighting with myself every day. I’m tired of people treating me like shit for symptoms of illnesses that I never asked for, and I’m tired of falsely accusing people of treating me like crap and not realizing it until it’s waaay too late. This fucking hurts. Help?",3 "I'm here ✋I want a friend to talk to cuz I like the feeling of being texted which makes me feel I am a human I have some connections with the world 🌎.I was and am dreaming about having a soulmate. but it’s so hard for me to keep a friendship like we always lost each other on account of time, distance or smtg else. why I don't have someone to text, to share things with like most of the ppl. I guess I should create a chance of interacting with others so I'm posting this. Basically, I'm a woman, 19, having a break from school. we could talk about everything whatever negativity or positivity, like movies, music, the cultural differences or things happening in your daily life, or things u want to share with me. Vent or rant to me, it’s perfectly fine and I will understand it all. If u want someone to communicate, pls comment then I will dm u Or u just message me. Hope the Internet won't get me disappointed 😶‍🌫️",2 "Who else starts again a lot? And why? Days after someone replies to me on a post I get compulsions to go and try to talk with them again. As if I haven't said all that I wanted too. This can get really annoying, so I delete the account so that i won't reach the person. Also when I have enough of these posts, or bad memories attached to the account. I delete it. Did it multiple times, I keep restarting. Anyone also has this problem?",1 "I was in an abusive relationship for years, a year later after I finally left I was in a head on collision and was in an abusive relationship. Again. And again. Sometimes when I close my eyes, esp when I lay down to rest I instantly see myself behind the wheel and am in another collision. It sends a shock sensation throughout my body. I havent fully healed from the abuse I was put through, I get triggered by a lot. If I am overwhelmed (which seems to be happening a lot) I start to disassociate. I dont feel anything, very apathetic, sometimes suicidal thoughts. I am in a new relationship and my partner is very sweet & understanding. Overall an amazing person. I feel terrible for putting him through my insecurities, I try my best to be open & honest. Communicating how I feel. I feel guilty for everything I've done and do. I was diagnosed with PTSD in July of this year, its still hard for me to accept that. I hate admitting it and telling others.",3 "My brain will basically yell at me, saying ""do it again"" without really giving me a reason why. It's like ""just wash your hands again!"" The only time it's ever really given me a reason is when I'm washing dishes, which it pretty much just says ""you're gonna poison everyone"" Does anyone else have this happen/is this just part of OCD?",1 "I recently got diagnosed with inattentive ADHD with a company who specialises in a range of cognitive developmental issues but they do not offer medication, only therapy. I decided to go to this place because my sister was also getting tested there. But I wanted to try medication because I’m already paying to therapy, I can’t afford ADHD specific therapy on top of that. So after my diagnosis I went to my GP to get a referral to a psychiatrist, so that I can get medicated. I’ve had two appointments with him so far and I’ve been crying the whole time talking to him. For context, I’m a 23f and he is an old man. He talks down to me like I’m an idiot and he doesn’t listen to what I have to say. He isn’t assessing me for ADHD, rather telling me I might have been misdiagnosed due to my anxiety and depression. I only have depression before my menstrual cycle and I’ve had social anxiety for a long time but it doesn’t inhibit my day to day life. My issues are related to executive dysfunction. I’ve explained to him my ADHD symptoms to which he has replied “well we all get forgetful and have issues concentrating at times”, “if you really want to do something, we are able to just do it”. In our first session, he expressed antidepressants might be a good solution for my depressive episode before my period (most likely related to PMS or PMDD), which I said I’m not interested in going on antidepressants due to the fact I’m only experiencing depression symptoms very infrequently and it’s always before my period, I can handle it with therapy and my support network. I also expressed I didn’t want to deal with the side effects of antidepressants. At the end of our first session, he told me to research antidepressants that can also help with ADHD symptoms. I agreed but after I did research, I still wasn’t happy to go on antidepressants due to the side effects. In the second session, he suggested antidepressants again and I told him I did the research and I still don’t want to go on antidepressants due to the reasons I explained before, and that I didn’t want the side effects. To which he replied “everything has side effects, everything is a chemical. A carrot is a chemical”. I was too shocked to even reply to this absurd reasoning. Like I’m not going to lose my sex drive from a carrot. I also explained to him my issues with planning and organisation, explaining that a grocery shop is a big task for me. Not only does it involve me having to plan what I’m going to eat, half the time I don’t know what I want to eat. I get overwhelmed at the shops, I forgot stuff when I’m there, I forget to write a shopping list or to properly plan out what I’m going to make for the week. He replies “have you ever tried writing a shopping list”. I’m 23 you fuck, yes of course I have. But really I broke down crying and replied “I forget to fucking write a shopping list, I know how to write one, I get so overwhelmed with all of the steps involved, I don’t end up writing one because it slips my mind”. He then starts mansplaining how to write a shopping list “I just go around the house, I start to write down things I see that are missing, so that when I go to the shops, I get everything that I need”. Are you kidding me??? He also starts mansplaining me the concept of food prep. Like cooking a curry and freezing several containers of it. He actually thinks I’m that dumb? I expressed to him also that I have issues with eating the same thing over and over until I get sick of it and then I don’t eat because everything tastes gross to me and can’t handle the texture of some foods. He says that I have mentioned some things that are autistic traits, including that I get overwhelmed at the shops. But then he immediately follows it with “but you don’t seem autistic”. It feels like he is intentionally trying to label me as anything other than ADHD. He has said people often get misdiagnosed with ADHD, but women get under diagnosed because they get told it’s just anxiety and depression, which it feels like that’s exactly what he is doing. I wanted to get medicated before I start a new job next year, because I want to perform well but I have been struggling in particular areas of life that have effected my previous job. I’m meant to have a session with him tomorrow. Which I really don’t want to see him again but I have no hope of getting a new psych until well into next year, everyone is booked out. I’m planning of telling him to listen to what I have to say, what I’m struggling with, my wishes for treatment, that I don’t want antidepressants. And if he has no interest in helping me with what I’m coming to him for, I don’t want to see him. Any advice on how to go about this? Or credible resources I can bring to my appointment to help my case? TLDR My psychiatrist is pushing antidepressants on me to treat my ADHD symptoms and has been invalidating my ADHD diagnosis due to my anxiety and PMS.",0 "Trigger warnings for sexual/emotional manipulation Note: after everything that's happened here, I've discovered, using a broad term, I'm asexual. Around the beginning of quarantine (March 2020 usa), I gave my now ex-boyfriend consent to have sex. Except after that one time, he thought I gave consent for everything else too. He was incredibly pushy, always mentioning about showering together until I gave in. Every time I leaned over the kitchen counter, table, my own desk, the bed, the washing machine, he would come up behind me. Every time I ate food he would make blow job jokes. Every time we studied together he would want to have sex and just basically anywhere any time of the day while I was busy or not he would immediately want to have sex and every time I would freeze despite the fact my brain was in fight or flight mode. He would cross boundary after boundary even though I already told him I wasn't a huge fan of physical affection or PDA 24/7 and not to rush things. Now I've learned my mistake and next time in a relationship I'll set down my boundaries directly and clearly. Usually, I'm incredibly good at adapting and moving on but I'm a high-risk patient, (I haven't really gone anywhere since April) and I've been having episode after episode in the bathroom, showering, changing clothes, looking at my bedroom (we painted the walls a different color, so that's helped), cooking in the kitchen, leaning against the counters, going downstairs to do laundry, and worst of all *I can't eat without choking up or puking everything I'm trying to swallow.* I can feel him, hear him in my head, and surrounding all my senses. I'm overwhelmed, stressed, and trying darn hard to move on but I can't leave the house unless to go for walks. I talked with my therapist and ended up with a lecture and victim-blaming. If anyone has advice, I am open to just about anything at this moment.",3 "My lovely wife and I take turns doing the dishes. Once one of us empties the sink/loads the dishwasher it is then the other person's turn and we can fulfill our turn whenever we want knowing that it will just get worse as time goes by. Well naturally it is my turn and I have procrastinated it enough that it is stressing her out a bit. So I finally got myself off the couch to throw away some cheerios I saw in the carpet which led to cleaning up dinner and hoping that the momentum would lead to at least starting the dishes. Then it happened... ""Hey, WHEN you do the dishes CAN YOU MAKE SURE TO also wipe off the counter?"" [Emphasized only because of the post's title. Not how she actually said it.] Well I'm back on the couch again. Momentum nipped in the bud because of an added 1-2 minutes of responsibility. After I post I'm going to push myself to finish it before I read any replies. Help keep me accountable! I need my win for the day. EDIT: One Hour Later... Musical Encouragement: ""Five for Fighting"" and ""Owl City"", Dishes done, counter wiped, 1 fly dead (wounded another. Still hunting for it), garbage taken out, remembered I left my meds in wifey's car (also found in car: my wallet.. and my keys..), prevented overnight ant infestation (aka swept floor), and tucked kids in bed, AND remembered to drink a glass of water. Time to actually relax instead of that stressed version of ""relaxing"". Thanks everyone!",0 "I get triggered by negligence. When someone neglects to do something, especially when they neglect to take care of someone they should be responsible for. Or when someone is intentionally cruel to others, especially when they should be taking care of them. For context I lost everything I owned, and almost my life in a house fire that was caused either by the landlord’s negligence or intentionally",3 "I wake up most mornings not wanting to be here. My daughter’s gummy smile and happy babbling don’t change this, I want to live forever by her side while simultaneously not wanting to be here. Although she needs her nappy changing and her first feed of the day, I close my eyes and hope everything will go away. Eventually, I get up and I pretend I’m happy. I might take a photo of us smiling in bed to fool social media that I’m happy, to prove I can handle motherhood and I’m doing just fine. Sometimes I sing songs as I change her nappy to fool her, and usually always, she gets joy from this, she smiles and laughs and the truth is, I don’t want to be here, so I’m over clouded with more guilt for the fact my child is finding joy and happiness from me and with me, and I’m not happy at all. Mornings are the worst time for me. All I can think about is that I have a full day ahead. But then I also hate night time, as I know it’s just me, the dark, my thoughts and a waking baby. I’ll dread that I’ll be alone with my thoughts, or I’ll be around other people and have to pretend I don’t have those thoughts. At very least once a day I’ll have the thought “I wish I wasn’t alive.” And at the time I really mean it. But I don’t want to die. I don’t want to take my own life or get an illness that kills me. I just don’t want to be here. I get so overwhelmed that I want to escape. But that isn’t easy with a child. So out of desperation, I start wishing I was dead as I can’t see any other way of not feeling the pain anymore. I can’t explain my pain, I can’t share my pain, I can’t understand my pain and worse of all, no matter how hard I try, I can’t escape my pain. I love my daughter and it’s sad that I feel the need to clarify this. A common misconception of suicidal mothers is that we hate being mothers. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I long for my old life because i wasn’t letting anyone down, especially my child. To be brutally honest, the main thing I want from my old life is the opportunity to actually follow through with my suicidal thoughts. I don’t blame my daughter for that I blame my depression. I am sick and that’s not an indication of whether I love my child or not. My daughter is well looked after. I’m always playing with her, taking her out, singing songs and trying to teach her new things ensuring she is happy, and generally looking like I don’t have secret thoughts of not wanting to be here. But the joy I express is no reflection of what’s going inside. I feel flat at best, even when I’m having fun with her. My failed relationship with her dad, the turbulence within my own family, the constant drama of having friends are not to blame. All of which I could gladly handle, but I can only handle each of those things without the heavy weight of depression on my shoulders. But when depressions weighs the world, a cherry on top of the cake is far too much to carry. I try to express my unhappiness, and depending which ear is listening depends on which way the blame is turned. Friends hear I’ve been cheated on, hit, emotionally beat down and blame her father. He will hear how my mother hadn’t always protected me, but will continue to protect a sibling who doesn’t deserve it and blame her, we will argue over our child and he will blame the fact I have never had a father of my own. My mother will blame my own life decisions and lack of strength. The reality is, I just need a helping hand through it all as my own biggest enemy is my own mind, for no specific reason other then the fact I am depressed.",2 "Hey, guys, I'm having a hard time with ERP. trying to explain a bit, my intrusive thoughts are affirmative sentences like ""I want to do..."" ""I will do..."" but those things are the opposite of what I want and totally against what I am. the thing is: I CAN'T do ERP. I can't look at those sentences without thinking I am into that horrible kind of thing. Imagine, inside your brain there are sentences saying you want to do something you would never want. Does that feel weird and wrong? I feel so guilty when I try to accept those thoughts. Can somebody give me hints and help me somehow on ERP?",1 "I don’t want people to feel bad for me, my aspergers is not a disability or disease. It is a benefit.",3 "I have been facing professional problems for a while now. I'm a researcher in mathematics, computer science, and astrophysics, and I haven't found yet how to properly navigate a particular pattern that keeps happening in collaborative projects (without saying to everyone, that I'm Aspie). The pattern is the following: * A new collaborative project starts * I know I can help to add value to the project, so I participate in the preliminary meetings * Because I know that I do things in a very specific way, I say, ""I'm in but if we get funding I don't need X, I need Y"" * People say ""yes, yes"" or ""you don't seem very engaged, are you sure you want to participate?"" (in this case I often apologize for having doubts) * If we're lucky we get funding * They give me X because everyone wants X (who wouldn't want X?). It's like I get a hammer while I wanted a screwdriver because it's just obvious that everyone needs a hammer. * I then spend all my time (6 months, 1 year, 2 years...) in administrative problems to change X in Y, because I have literally no use of X. The thing escalates and takes all my energy. I end up in burnout. I do nothing for the project. * Everyone wonders why I did nothing and why it completely messed up. Everyone thinks that I'm either useless or an as\*hole. And all I'm thinking is that ""But if you had listened what I said, I could have done miracles."" How to navigate this?",3 After a depressive episode does anyone else look back on it and it feels surreal? like it never happened to where it feels like a third person point of view? and you then convince yourself that you forced yourself to feel those emotions and seeking help would be selfish of u? kinda like imposter disorder. :/,2 "I’ve been feeling disconnected from everything lately. From friends, family, just everything. I’ve been so numb and lost in my head. I’ve been wanting to distance myself from everything so no one has to deal with me anymore. I don’t want to but I can’t help it",2 "I've been married to my husband for two years and we've been together for a total of six. This is the first healthy relationship I've been in, yet I still have difficulties with intimacy. My trauma is sexual in nature and I find that I get stressed sometimes when my husband wants to have sex. There's absolutely no reason for me to be, I am comfortable saying no to him if I'm not in the mood, and asking to stop if I want to stop. He never gets upset or gives me a hard time if I don't want to. We communicate what we want and what our boundaries are very well. He knows my triggers and makes sure not to do those things. In all our years together he's never made me feel unsafe or afraid and I genuinely enjoy doing it when we do. Yet, I still react to sex with stress and fear while simultaneously wanting to do it, which creates this emotional confusion. That confusion starts my 'amygdala loop' and I just cry and get what I call ""activated"" or ""symptomatic"" if that resonates with anyone. (I also have bpd if that means anything in this situation) How can I stop this?",3 "so for the longest time one of my biggest sensory dislikes was yoghurt. something about it being too liquidy to crunch but too solid to drink always bothered me and made me gag. but today i decided to face my fears. i brewed 2 shots of espresso and fixed up some greek yoghurt with honey, craisins, and granola for breakfast this morning, and let me tell ya, it was life changing. never before had i eaten yoghurt without wanting to projectile vomit all over the table. never before had i had an entire bowl of yoghurt and not poured it down the garbage disposal. i know it’s minor, but i’m still very proud of myself.",3 "Just a rant about how ADHD can super complicate a 30 second interaction in a relationship. My partner (32M)has severe ADHD with anger outbursts, emotional disregulation and rejection sensitivity. He has terrible low self-esteem. We have a new baby. He has been really hesitant to get involved in her care due to feeling he will stuff it up. I've slowly been helping him to do small tasks with her, like cuddling her while I have a shower or rocking her in the bouncer. He is too impatient to feed her a whole bottle, or sooth her when she cries. He starts getting flustered, gives up, puts her down and goes to another room. He asked for her to sleep in her own room because her crying was irritating him and he couldn't sleep. Its pretty hellish to be honest. I've been doing all the feeds at night. Last night was tough. She wouldn't settle after 1am and go back in her cot. At 4am I was still rocking her in her room. My partner got up to go to the bathroom. He came into bubs bedroom. In hindsight I now realise he was trying to be supportive, but he started joking around and was being louder than he realised. He made some stupid comment like, ""Why won't you fucking sleep?"" I put my hand on his chest, pushed him toward the doorway and said ""You aren't helping"". A bad choice of words, because I now realise he wanted to help but didn't know how. Now he is in full sulking mode, because he has taken it as rejection. He isn't interacting with bub and I this morning. He keeps calling me cranky mum. I've apologised a few times for snapping at him, and explained I am tired. But I realise I've unwitting set back his progress.",0 "I've been supporting my friend for the past 4 years from their abusive family by having them live with me during my college years. It was ok in the beginning, but due to her anxiety attacks and depressive moments, I'm always living on edge to the point that I'm too scared to leave her alone. They have had moments of attempted suicide and I just feel like I'm emotionally stuck. I can't just ask her to leave since she has no money and has been trying to work off her debt and going back to her parents is just not possible. I just feel emotionally drained from having to deal with this all the time. We have other friends in our friend group but I'm the only one who constantly is around it and I don't know what to do. I'm tired of staying up late nights making sure things are okay, but then they says things about just going away and I just feel even worst. I'm kind of just going onto a ramble but if anyone understands, can you message some thoughts, thank you.",2 "Purpose is something I don’t have, and I’m not even speaking on a large scale, I don’t have one for myself. The closest thing for my reason for existing is to make others inadvertently feel better about themselves by comparison to my pathetic life. Quite literally can’t do the most basic things in life correctly and I’m sure that’s made someone feel great, knowing they don’t have to lives a life as worthless as mine. At least that’s what I’d think for anybody who happens to pay any mind to me. Craziest thing about this is, I’m not even depressed I’ve just come to terms this is the life given to me and there’s nothing I can do to change it despite my best efforts. That doesn’t mean I’m fine with it tho, just me submitting to reality.",2 "So the title says it all. At Thanksgiving last year (Canadian Thanksgiving eh) my sister went on this huge tirade about how she was just diagnosed with ADHD inattentive subtype and how I NEED to get tested cause she thought I had it to. I didn't think much of it and told her she was wrong. I had never researched ADHD so my only knowledge of it was the hyperactive type and figured since I wasn't hyper then she must be mistaken. I eventually started doing some research and suddenly so much of my life made sense. I have been significantly affected for most of my life. So I've been trying to get diagnosed. I got a family doctor, took some online tests and brought in all my family medical history, I even expressed to my doctor I wanted to see a therapist who specializes in adult adhd. He referred me to a psychiatrist ( 8 month wait) but also a behavioral therapist. To my knowledge a behavioral therapist can not diagnose me but my doctor should be able to. Anyone else have this happen to them? Will my doctor diagnose me after this behavioral therapy appointment. I'm rather confused ad this has been taking months.",0 "i have this awful problem where i’m always laying in bed, winding down to sleep, and i think of something i really need/want to do/think about the next day, but when i wake up it’s 100% gone from my brain and i won’t remember it until i’m in bed again that night. i could set a reminder or put it in a to-do list, but we all know how we are with those things. but last night while thinking about this i thought of a great idea! i got up and grabbed a pen and by the light of my phone i just… wrote the reminders on my arm. waking up today, they were impossible to ignore the way i do reminders. i couldn’t avoid them the way i can to do lists. so, for once, i ACTUALLY remembered to do those things today! just posting in hopes this can help someone else :) i’m leaving a pen on my bedside table from now on! eta: thank you all a lot for the great advice, i sincerely appreciate it, but to-do lists etc are something i’ve spent a lifetime struggling with and i’m just happy to have found any kind of an alternative that works for me :)",0 "Hey all. I'm actually here just to share an experience. I have major issues with repressing my emotions (I was shamed, mocked and punished for the 'bad ones' as a child) and its ended up being one of the biggest focuses in my therapy. This past week I've been trying to allow and even lean into my emotions instead of ignoring them and I find that where I was completely unable to cry in the past short of reliving trauma, I am crying at seemingly everything. I cry at old memories. I cry at sad TV shows. I cry at sappy things and cute things. It's incredible. I still get surges of fear/panic if I feel strong emotions coming on over seemingly inappropriate situations (I sometimes suspect I may have BPD but my therapist and psychiatrist told me they feel the core of my issues are PTSD related) but by allowing them to happen and expressing them instead of hiding it I have felt so at peace with myself. Just wanted to share my experience and see if anyone else can relate.",3 "So I've taken a few online tests and done some reading, and I THINK I might have aspergers. However, I've heard aspies have interests they are super interested in, like wanting to know everything about that specific thing, and I don't have that. Is it possible to be an aspie without this quality? I am not diagnosing myself or anything, just doing some speculation Also, do aspies usually have a picky sense of taste? For me it has always been about texture and look, but I am super picky -note: I posted here and not in r/autism because I think aspergers is closer/more specific to what I may have.",3 "I'm new to OCD subtypes and I've been told I had OCD but never had any indications I did, or maybe I ignored them because they were normal for me. But unrelated to that, what is real event OCD?",1 "I just read the most recent edition of the Mayo Clinic Health Letter. Here is what it has to, dismissively, say about Asperger's Syndrome: ""a mild form of autism that can cause problems in social interaction and communication."" There you have it, folks. We are barely a blip on the radar according to the prestigious Mayo Clinic. Really made my day.",3 I was scared I wasn’t going to function but I managed it and I’m freaking happy,1 "I gave my dog away.  When I got him, he was just a puppy.  I was in a relationship.  Looking at it now it was a very toxic relationship.  I was young.  I was raised with a very narcissistic mother that came to me with a her problems when we I was a small child.  I was the only one, without my father.  My parents were never together ending up in divorce. I wanted to help my mother with her struggles.  Because i was left with her.  I know my father wanted to be with me but couldnt.. he had his thing.. and he couldnt deal with my mother.  But i dont resent him for it.  Anyways.. But my time with my mother got to be too much eventually.  I left when I was 18 to forge my own life.  Little did I know that my past would follow me in my relationships.  In college I met and dated girls that were similar to me in interests and personality.  Had a normal dating college life.  Was great.  After college, ended up in a very well paying profession.  Ended up in a codepedent kind of relationship.  During the honeymoon phase, got a toy poodle.  I loved that dog.  He had so much personality.  I ravished him with love.  I ended up marrying.  My marriage was rocky. I didnt know what I was doing.  I didnt know what a healthy relationship was..  Needless to say, the marriage ended.  I ended it.  But more than that, my dog suffered.  Suffered throughout the whole thing.  He even broke one of his arms, and I only thought about how much time and money it would cost me to fix it.  And when the doctor did help him, it didnt even heal completely.  But during the marriage, I didnt even really care. Because I was thinking more of my own life.  And his leg didnt heal completely.  After the divorce, I took custody of the dog.  I chose to amputate my dogs leg to stop the pain from his broken leg.  He was still such a loving dog.  Even after that. My boy.  Even after 3 legs, he would love people.  Climb on their lap.  My boy.  It hurt very much.  After the divorce and it was just me and my little fella... i started feeling I cant move around because of him.  I even starting getting angry for no reason.. not at him but just in general.  I started even feeling its just a dog and why should I let it stop me from living my life.  So I started looking into adoption or shelters.  I thought he would do better without me.  I find a shelter... brought him there.  They said if the dog was in too bad of a shape and that they would choose the moral ground of putting him to sleep should they not see a future in him..  me... i said okay.  I let my boy go, and as I did, and looked at him.. he looked back at me.. and said in a way, its okay.. i understand..  weve been through a lot.. im okay......  My little dude.  I loved you deeply. Im sorry.  Im not a good person.. im selfish. I only think of myself.  I fucked around a lot.  My dog.  Please forgive me.  Ive lived a strange life after that.  Money?? Doesnt mean shit.  I know i am a horrible person.  I never wanted to be. Please forgive me little guy.   And one day.. i hope I can make it up to you.   In this life and the next.... Yes.. i am/was that guy....   just getting it off my chest..  horrible.. i know.",2 "I haven’t been this depressed in 3.5 years. The last time I was, I was about to leave a super abusive relationship. I was pushed over the edge and ended it, cut the person out of my life and started putting myself, goals and dreams first. It was like the world went from black and white, to color. Food tasted good again. I enjoyed things and seeing friends and family, the numbness of the relationship started melting away. Fast-forward and Covid hits. I move out of the town I’ve called home for the last few years, to a new city. I continue growing as a person and building a new network of friends, land an amazing job, become closer with my parents. I meet someone when I’m least expecting it, who is nothing like my abuser was, and makes me feel respected, loved, supported. After 9 months of cautiously falling in love, I move in with him, in the midst of a renovation, and while work is more stressful than ever. (And we’re living through a pandemic which has taken a considerable toll on my mental health and worry for loved ones and self) The transition has been extremely difficult. I’m super type A and have trouble navigating a kitchen and living room full of power tools and boxes. At first I tried to be chipper about it, but quickly became resentful that the renovations weren’t done and became snappy and short with my partner. When I finally started asking how I could help move things along, the small tasks he gave me, I didn’t even have the energy to complete. I cry uncontrollably and feel this gaping pit of despair open inside me. I feel hopeless and numb again. Even though this is the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in and my partner is the complete opposite of my former abuser. I feel numb and sick at the same time. Today I said something hurtful and pointed, to get a reaction out of him. And he later confessed that it was the first time He’d questioned our relationship - that the fact I had purposefully hurt him had opened a crack in our foundation. I know this depression is in part fear of falling into a dangerous space again, and losing myself, plus the transition to living together and preferring things a certain way. I don’t want to feel like this any longer. Any tips and shared stories are appreciated. Super grateful this sub exists 💜",2 "I hate ADHD so much because i genuinely don't give a fuck, but i do. Like I love people and all of that but what I mean is is that ""idc what you think imma do what i want"" type shit. You know? and i do it, but, in the back of my mind its like ohh Jesus you gotta care oh Jesus what am I doing, blah blah blah 24/7 AND ITS BOTH OF THOSE THOUGHTS MAN ITS FUCKING ANNOYING!!! I obsess over my mind a lot man. Everything I think is like over analyze times 20 XD like it gets filtered 20 times before i say what i need to say or do what I need to do it gets filtered. Its like I'm a living robot whos free as a bird with free will but trapped with human emotions. IM ALIVE GODDAMIT",0 "The only tip I've seen for managing appetite loss is to eat the things that sound fun to you. The issue for me is that no food is fun unless I can't eat it because of my irritable bowel syndrome. Food was already a chore and now it seems impossible.. I'm only six days in and I've only managed to eat about 3000 calories since Monday. No real point to this just wanted to vent. Unless someone has had the same experience?",0 "I can't remember the last time I had a good semester academically. I was diagnosed my junior year of high school after struggling with school and academics my whole life (even though my grades didn't show it when I was younger). Finally after being medicated, I felt like my senior year of HS was going well. I was building up good habits and improving my work ethic and then well, the whole pandemic thing happened and all of that went out the window. Online class was a whole other beast. If my one biggest shortcoming as a student is my complete inability to do homework, well, making all school into homework went exactly as you'd expect. I barely scraped by in my first semester of college and the second semester ended up with me withdrawing from two classes and failing my other two. I was in rough shape, really doubting if college was the place for me. It's really hard to separate my academic success from my worth as a person sometimes and I was feeling really down and helpless - it felt like everything I tried was to no avail. I just kept doom scrolling, occupying my ears and eyes with a balanced diet of Reddit, Youtube, and Twitch. I went into this semester with leveled expectations, and tried to only take classes that I would enjoy and be passionate about, hoping it would be a reset. Like always, its starts of well for the first week or two until I missed one assignment... and then it turned into two... and three... and pretty soon I've got an entire 8 week course curriculum sitting empty in the grade book. Great. And then the ever dreaded ""last day to turn in late work"" approaches and I know I need to kick it into overdrive. Soon enough that last day is here and I'm only just starting, desperately trying to do late assignments just to not fail the class. Then there's the frantic last minute email to the professor apologizing for my lack of communication in an embarrassing plea for a slight extension to submit my late work. He luckily understood and gave me an extra two days to submit work. Cue the all nighter I pulled last night to complete almost every single assignment in the class. (Not the healthiest way to be productive but you know how it is) As of today (though I still have one more final to go) I can pretty confidently say that I've passed all of my classes this semester, and though it wasn't a perfect journey - it's improvement. I think I'm finally getting the hang of online classes, and I feel like I have some sort of confidence and direction in regards to school. Here's some advice that helped me get through the semester: * **Use A Laptop For School Work -** This was a big one for me, I saved up and bought a good laptop that feels good to use and type on. It makes it much more stimulating to do work on a good quality machine than fight against a shitty trackpad and keyboard. Portability is huge too, leading right into my next point: * **Separate Work Space from Leisure -** This is something I've always struggled to do. I basically live in my bedroom - that means that sleep, gaming, relaxing, and work all have to happen in the same place. Guess which activity I'm gonna neglect when all the other stuff can be done in the same space. Now I bring my laptop to the kitchen or living room (literally anywhere else works though), and not being tempted by all the fun activities in my room has been a huge boon for staying focused while working. * **Medication Timing -** This is a huge one. If you know you want to be productive or get an assignment done after taking meds, put away your phone or whatever other distracting activity you have immediately when you take your meds. Medication can make it MUCH harder to switch away from Youtube or Reddit once it starts taking effect. A step further is to start trying to work on the task before the meds take effect so that your focus carries into the task. This makes for a much more gradual actuation of said task than trying to brute force it once the medication has begun doing its thing. * **Low Attention/High Interest before High Attention/Low Interest -** When prioritizing tasks (before deadline is a big factor), start with the ones that you're most interested in and don't take much attention to do. I put on a stream, show, or album and work on the low intensity task, and if it's interesting enough I usually start to gravitate towards it and my focus increases. Then carry that flow into a more intensive and less interesting task that follows it. Example: start with an easy art project assignment before getting to the essay and you'll find the essay comes a lot easier. * **Reading Before Bed -** If you're anything like me, you haven't had a consistent sleep schedule in years. Your circadian rhythm sounds more like Captain Beefheart record than anything. I've tried meditation, music, melatonin, etc... you name it. It always takes me AT LEAST an hour to fall asleep. That is, except for reading - my most effective sleep aid. It takes a bit of brute force sometimes, but if I close that YouTube video and open a book I can guarantee I'll be out in under 10 minutes. It means that your reading progress is quite slow (it took me 2 years to finish The Lord Of The Rings, though well worth it!). * **Pick a major that actually interests you, not what is ""most valuable"" -** I think a lot of people get caught up thinking about how valuable a degree will be once they have it. While it's definitely an important factor - a degree isn't worth shit if you don't ever actually finish it. If you pick a major because of its supposed ""value"" over your actual interest in it, it's going to be much harder to finish the degree. Pick something you love to learn about and things will come easier. [Most people don't even get jobs that relate to their degree](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2013/05/20/only-27-percent-of-college-grads-have-a-job-related-to-their-major/). * **COMMUNICATE with your teachers -** I'm for some reason always hesitant to communicate about my ADHD before it impacts me, hoping that maybe I'll be able to pull through without any help. Any good teacher is generally pretty understanding. They want you to learn and pass - talk to them so they can help you. Even if you feel like it's too late, you have nothing to lose by doing so. Hopefully this is a bit helpful to someone. It's still always a battle between school (really life at large) and ADHD for me, just happy I'm making improvements and thought I'd pass on some of the things that have helped me make those improvements. Hopefully things made sense here, this was a long one and I'm a bit sleep deprived from the aforementioned all nighter lol.",0 "This is my first post so **hello** first of all! I wanted to start small and touch on something I always found strange: So I, like many, was raised around this rule that it is appropriate to address older people, or strangers, as ""Sir"" or ""Ma'am."" I've always felt weird addressing people this way and much rather preferred to call them by their name, or at least Mr./Mrs. \*last name\* as a compromise. Calling people sir or ma'am makes me feel some weird sense that we're not viewing ourselves as equals? I never really saw a lot to gain in adding the title and I hate it being done to me when I'm out. I have tried to understand it so I don't seem rude to people, but this social norm feels so alien to me. I'm especially concerned about when I enter the workplace. The thought of addressing my superiors like this just feels so oddly wrong. Can anyone relate or explain how they see it? Am I just being irrational?",3 "Besides the intrusive ones, I often have good obsessive thoughts. And I often think to myself “I wonder if anyone else is like this”",1 Hello. What kind of therapy works for you? Is there method that made you happy when you find it ?,3 Is anyone else scared of chainsaws (mainly the noise) I’m going to bush gardens Halloween event and they have chainsaws (fake of course) but it still manages to scare the shit out of me to the point where I will bury my head in my friends body and that only makes it worse and they target me and I hate it.,3 "It just hurt my feelings. I already know this I don’t know what to do about anything. All my problems seem unfixable because my brains broken . I don’t know how to get better without fixing my head first and I don’t know how to do that. yes I’ve been to therapy, yes I’ve taken medication and I’m still depressed and miserable ….",2 I had a bad drug trip that caused me to dissociate comepletly and it was absolutely terrifying. I have flashbacks of it now and nightmares. Has anyone done emdr for this? My therapist do say it sounds like ptsd. Would this work? Or would it not since the trauma was of me dissociating a lot and I do have dpdr now,3 "I sometimes tend to play dumb when I don't want to admit that I understand people when they are talking about my special interests in the ""wrong way"". Example: When people call A Song of Ice and Fire ""The Game of Thrones books"". When people call Daenerys ""Khaleesi"". When people talk about Star Wars movies but don't think about The Holiday Special, The Clone Wars, or the Ewok movies. When people think that ""Virtual reality"" only means ""Head Mounted Display"". I tend to ask people to clarify what they mean. But I understand what they mean if I assume that they are stupid. And that also feels rude. Does anyone else have similar experiences?",3 "Treatment resistant social anxiety sufferer here. I experience major movement impairments when Others are Watching me or when out in public, for example eating in front of others, reaching for my cup of coffee or putting on my shoes etc. Its like I lost my fine motoric skills. I am so self conscious that I am afraid to ""perform"" a wrong movement when other people are near me. Sometimes its even difficult to walk when I am outside. Every movement seems so stiff and rigid. Can anyone relate to these symptoms?",3 Has anyone tried neurofeedback for Ocd and did it help?,1 "Finally got the spouse to help attack the pile of clean laundry and get a few new loads done. I haven't caught up yet. But I think I put 15 pairs of socks away. And a good handful of singles that I'm certain have mates in the dirty pile. I lose them, buy more, lose them buy more. Ugh I tried switching to all darn tough. Figuring they are expensive and comfy. And the store I was getting them from haven't had the ones I want in for almost a year. And how on earth do I have like 20 bath towels???? Can I just throw everything away and get a new small wardrobe?",0 "Iim 16 i had pocd and now for some reason I kept having urges to stare at bums and then one day it got so bad I did it once and then i was like my life is over. And then someone else came up I looked didnt know I'd they were a child and turns out they were and it kept making md focus that area anyway. Then i after I was like no point on worrying about this now I'll be killing myself cos of my pocd anyway. This was like the final straw. So I'm taking this as proof as being a pedo and just evidence to why I should die. The 1st girl looked 14 or 15 and the second girl was like 12 or 13 . It's not like I was attracted to them I don think I just stared randomly for no reason Well oop I cant rlly live with myself anymore. When i got annoyed after the girl I liked pulled a prank I said your not funny and in an annoyed way said die. Which I removed before she saw bit then told her that I wrote it cos I felt guilty. When I was 15 I was exposed to bad stuff on snapchat like beastiality which I remember going ew too and going animal abuse isnt good but because I went on snap in search of porn it makes me think what if I tried to wank to it at somepoint. When I was 10 11 12 or 13 god forbid 14 but I dont think so. My mind said something mad and when I was playing with my lil sis 7 yes younger than me I pushed her away but purposely touched the private areas then stopped after and said to myself wth am I doing. The worst thing is to her I was just playing. This was I one time thing.But to me I just traumatised myself and I cant even remember how old I was or when this was. So at this point what's the point. I shouldve been charged as a sex offender or something then. So now I'll do everyone a favour and just die. This event is also a big part of where my pocd comes from. What if it isnt even pocd and I'm just I'm denial at this point. These memories came back when I was 16 after I saw something traumatic and went o didnt do anything bad to my siblings did I and boom there we go. Well ittle be over in a year anyway. The ittle get better is only for ppl who have done minor things, everyone agrees someone like me should die or be punished so I'll just do it for them",1 "I hurt a lot of people. Sexual harassment of multiple women over an extended period of time. I got caught. Confronted and expelled by my university 3 weeks after I would have graduated. And I don’t make excuses. I fucked up on a massive scale and nobody but myself gets to own that. I can’t blame it on someone or something else. And I don’t deserve to be happy. Why should I get to live? Why should I get to be happy? I hurt them more than I can ever fix. I should spend every single day of the rest of my life feeling guilty. And maybe that’s why I wished I could just die. If I wouldn’t hurt my parents, I’d be dead by morning. But they’re here, so I am too. I can’t hurt them any more. I plan my suicide. I know what I’d need to do it, and I could do it without a problem. I write the letters I’d leave behind in my head while I lie awake at night. And the only common theme I come back to is that I deserve this. I deserve what I’ve got coming for me. I don’t know what it is, but if there’s life after death I am utterly fucked. I hate myself. I hate what I did. I hate myself for what I did. Those aren’t negotiable. I can’t let myself have any joy in life because I didn’t deserve any. I’m nothing but a horrible, worthless, harassing douchebag with no redeemable qualities. I’m so sorry for everything. The threats, the pictures, everything. But no amount of words will ever fix what I did to you. I’m so sorry. I hope I just don’t wake up. I don’t care why. I just don’t want it to go on any longer. Life is horrible and I’ve got no interest in living it.",2 My therapist tries to get me to see that my self hatred is invalid and doesn’t make any sense but I somehow twist it in my head to make sense. My abuser would tell me I’m worthless and stupid and it is like forever burned into my brain. I can’t get myself to think positively about myself. I’m so sick of living this way. Someone please help me.,3 "I have suffered from severe clinical depression for twelve years and severe OCD for the last few. I just recently lost my job and this has been a pattern for me. I am very low functioning and every day feels like gritting my teeth and suffering through. I thought I could tough it out and try to get office jobs in order to be on good insurance (recieve therapy and meds) and so far that has not served me. I was advised by a counselor I saw within my first appointment with her yesterday to immediately seek residential treatment based on the severity of my symptoms. I have Medicaid insurance and am in a tight financial spot even with unemployment funds. I've called several clinics offering residential treatment and they either don't accept insurance or their waitlist is 18 months long (the one nearest to me is McLean and I live in Massachusetts). At this point, my options are try to find a place that offers residential care and takes my insurance or try to go at this alone with all the workbooks, exercise, and comittment I can. I am in so much pain and am frustrated at how the system has let me down. Therapy and medicine is not cutting it anymore. I can't continue to drag my feet and power through. Reddit please please help",1 "I (26M) have not been the best partner, to my wife (26F) (also sorry if this is hard to follow or “out of order”) I was diagnosed at a young age(13) but I was never really educated on all the symptoms and neuroscience. I was prescribed medication, didn’t like how it made me feel. Instead of trying alternatives I stopped taking it completely. ADHD untreated. Now let me get to the recently acquired knowledge about a disorder that I have not taken seriously. A person with ADHD is more likely to have drug/alcohol addiction. This is primarily due to the lack of dopamine. A person with ADHD has trouble controlling impulses, getting distracted, getting bored. This got me thinking about how this has affected my life. At the young age of 12 I started smoking. (I still do) = easy dopamine but I’m an adult with a professional career, a wife and a child. Can’t be high all the time. I know majority of teenage boys go through the phase of “chronic masturbation” but this never left me. However as I got older and more experienced with “the ladies” there was less masturbation and more sex. Like a lot of sex. When there wasn’t a lot of sex it was back to masturbation. Ejaculation = immediate dopamine. Constantly in relationships, as soon as things were going downhill I started my search for the next. I’m sure everyone knows how happy a NEW relationship can be. = constant dopamine drip until things fall apart again. No matter what happened I was constantly seeking this dopamine hit. It’s crazy to me that at the age of 26 I just learned that majority of my decisions were all just my brain trying to get that next hit. Now, the reason I’m here and some context. There are some major issues in my marriage right now, completely my doing. Now that I have some knowledge of why I have destructive behaviors I believe I can better avoid them and change my life. I have lied to my wife, kept things from her, and hurt her time and time again. She’s wonderful and she doesn’t deserve to be treated the way I have treated her. Chronic masturbation / porn - kept that from her, lied when she’d ask questions about what I was doing. (This has happened on numerous occasions and has caused severe trust issues.) The most recent issue is a gambling addiction and boy let me tell you about the dopamine hit that can give you. For the past year I have been taking 3% of my check and putting that in a trading account. I had built this portfolio up to an unreal level compared to what I had put in. I’m sure everyone can guess what happened. Account exploded, lost everything aside from $30. So I took this personal and pulled money from savings to try and “win it back” but I didn’t. So I tried again. No luck. I’m sure you can see where this ends up. - Wife finds out I lost money, wife finds out I had been secretly taking money out of my check. Wife wants a divorce. I know that I have been shitty. I know that I have done EXTREMELY fucked up things. I know that I have said in the past that I would change but I didn’t. But somehow I feel like this time.. after digging deep into the WHY I have made shitty decisions my whole life and lied along the way that I can change. I’m not “blaming” my disorder, but it does play a role. I feel like now that I know that I might be able to catch myself and say “hey you don’t need to do this to get that dopamine, go chase your daughter like a dinosaur instead.” Anyway, idk how to end this. I know this isn’t really asking for advice but some feedback or words of encouragement would be appreciated.",0 "hey guys. im feeling super stressed out over many things. such as homelessness, anger, liers, family, government, money. im probally gonna be homeless in a year. i got kicked outta school and charged for just protecting myself. my sister makes up stuff about people and she lies about sexual assault just to get attention from everyone, even tho i actully had to fight off a rapist at the age of 14. i got scammed outta 4 grand. i had to deal with cps and cops since the age of 9. and i cant even sleep at night have any of you guys ever lst so much sleep that it drove you stir crazy? thanks for reading this i hope you have a good day.",2 I lack anecdotal experience due to complicated childhood. I am attempting to compile a Dadliness list before January. I am requesting any assistance considering there is a possibility I will have children with similar traits as my own.,3 "I've been taking Adderall IR 10mg 2x a day for about 3 months. It's been a bit of a roller coaster figuring out a proper dose, it feels like my body is getting too used to it. In the beginning the generic manufacturer I was getting it from was Northstar, which was alright. It worked really well in the beginning. Then my pharmacy gave me Teva two weeks ago and it really feels like a sugar pill. It does next to nothing for me. One day I took my full 20mgs earlier in the day than usual (dose in AM). I had to take a tox test (for compliance) later at 9:30pm and it actually came back negative, which is under 500 ng/ml. My doctor didn't believe that I took it at all that day. Most recent test I took my second 10mg at 5pm and it came back positive at 1600ng/ml. I think it is leaving my body way too fast. Anyone have a similar experience? I tried to get name brand Adderall through my insurance but they dont cover it...",0 "I’m a mum to a two year old boy and am dealing with pretty severe depression, I’m diagnosed major depressive disorder, generalised anxiety disorder and panic disorder. It’s really hard, I sometimes fantasise about being able to deal with my depression without the pressure of being a parent (I don’t mean any disrespect to people suffering without children). I feel constant guilt for not being the mum I could be without the mental health barriers. I want to give my son a sibling but I can’t even imagine having another baby, I struggle enough right now and my son is a really good kid. Just wanting to see if anyone feels the same I guess.",2 "My father and his partner are going to be getting married this spring. I’m honestly really excited for them finally being able to get married. It’s just that I’m scared of the location they’ve chosen for the wedding itself… My most recent trauma was from an ex who dumped me and called the cops on me, saying I assaulted him (I didn’t), in the middle of the night. We were at an old town that’s near us. My dad happens to live up the street from said old town. I’ve mustered enough strength over time to be comfortable going to his apartment to hang out since it’s not ‘in’ the town itself. But it seems he’s going to be having his wedding at the park in that town. I want to be there for him and part of his happy moment, I really do. I can image that it’s important to him for me to show up as well, but that town triggers so many flashbacks, and so violently at that, I’m afraid of ruining his wedding, or even something happening to me… Part of me wants to try and prepare by going there periodically until the day arrives to brace myself. I’m just not sure what to do because the flashbacks are already so incapacitating I can’t handle it. I haven’t even spoken to anyone about this at all. I’m frozen in my fear and the anticipation is hurting me…",3 "My sibling sexually abused me as child. He's come back from uni and now I'm stuck in quaratine with him I'm falling into a spiral and I'm having flashbacks. There was a period of time when I was afraid to shower and close my eyes. I don't know how to feel and the tears won't flow. Fyi:whole family is aware of the abuse. I need some support from someone as I'm too ashamed to do so with my support system. Sorry for the victim blaming. I have not started therapy. Can anyone recommend free audio books/podcasts to uplift? It would be appreciated. Summary: Recommend ptsd videos for sexual abuse victims. Triggered by sexual abuser returning Thank you everyone for the help.",3 Why does my good aspie friend always say 'we'll see 'or 'maybe' when I ask him to hang out?,3 "Hi! I live in the busiest street of my city, and whenever I have to get out for something, i have to go through a torturing maze of people, loud noises, stores, beepings, cars... I use noise cancelling headphones, stim toys and always go with someone else. But still, it is killing me. I end up avoiding leaving the house except for mandatory things. I really enjoy being outside, actually. I love nature, animals and fresh air, but it's impossible to get it here. I have to travel 30mins of walking (cause I have no car) to get somewhere I can be okay. My dream since I was a child has always been living in a small village, so that I can wake up peacefully in the morning, and live my life free from all the noises and limitations. But then again, i have no money to move, and no car. I'm sick of always being home, not seeing the sunshine or breathing fresh air. I'm sick of not enjoying life because of my autistic limitations. I don't know what to do. Anyone struggling with the same situation? Any suggestions? A friend to talk to? Thanks ❤️",3 "Has anyone else with Aspergers and ADHD dealt with eye floaters? Apparently it's been significantly distracting me, because now I was on eye drops, and it was like my vision was upgraded from VHS to 8K. I can not even overstate the difference. It feels like my brain killed a task that had taken up to 90% of available processor cycles up until yesterday. I honestly have no idea how I've been able to live with it for so long, without realizing how much it's been bothering me. I think maybe it's possible that it's ableism from articles written about it, or maybe that articles about eye floaters are only written from the perspective of neurotypical people (who are much better at seeing past details, and just looking at the big picture). Now I have to be a big boy and have eye surgery (where they clean and replace all the transparent fluid in the eye). I'm not sure I can handle that kind of thing mentally, but on the other hand, it feels disingenuous to myself not to do it, since I know what an incredible strain it's been on my brain until now. At least for now I have the eye drops to relieve my sensory overload level. Can anyone relate to this? I feel like I had an epiphany. My brain is a visual analyzing super computer, that for the past 4-5 years have been preoccupied with analyzing the debris inside the 'snow globe' that is my aging eye ball. Wouldn't it just make sense to pay for the upgrade (despite the potential risk with eye surgery?)",3 "Concerta crash help! I’m currently taking 36mg/day - i’m a teenager and therefore in school so i’m taking my meds at about 7:30am - however, this leads to issues when it comes to about 4pm and i need to do homework…or anything! I’m also very sociable on the weekends so weekends breaks are not an option for me. I’m coming to ask if anybody has had any luck using Caffeine to help them come off and still be productive without the massive effects of insomnia or anything at all really! I’m open to trying maybe CBD, Caffeine obviously or if there are any physical stuff etc. Just some general advice would be great - Thanks in advance guys <3",0 "Sometimes I just have an urge to bite someone, usealy people I spend time with. And not like a small bite but like a good chomp. I never end up doing it, but it happens. I read up on cute aggression but not 100% sure that is the cause. Though could be my way on my brain dealing with alot of emotion or something idk.",0 "I am aware this is probably a form of reassurance seeking, but I am really having a hard time right now. I recently began taking lexapro and I cannot stop looking things up/reading reviews. I know this is a compulsion, and I have gotten so much better with it!!! But I’m also experiencing an increase in my obsessive thoughts. I feel like I don’t have all my emotions, and dealing with some brain fog. In addition, I have this new feeling like I’m constantly in a dream and not in control. I know it’s my OCD trying to doubt me. In a way I feel like it’s causing me more feelings of depression. This is my 5th week, so it’s still early in treatment. It’s getting difficult to remain positive. I used to be so bubbly and outgoing, now I’m afraid to even go out and speak because I’ll say something stupid. I’m a teacher too, and this is severely impacting my joy for the thing I love! If anyone started medication, was there anything that helped you get over the hump? I know I need medication to get the most out of therapy. I’m just having a very difficult time accepting it. I’ve never had to be on medication before. Thank you!",1 "So lately i have been over fucking myself over stupid things. I was always someone who supports women rights, and hates the idea of having a lot sexual relationships for the sake of pleasure as i see sex as something that shouldnt be done just for the ske of having pleasure. Now i question if i am ok with everything and worry as hell if i dont get an inner response that supports what i see is right. I question everything, do i feel ok about women being beaten? do i feel ok about men controling their women? if i see one scene in a movie where a man hits a woman or soemthing i freak out fearing if i am ok with such thing or if i justify it. im scared. Im scared that i am ok wth such things, is this ocd? or is it another anxiety issue?",1 "Just another of those ‘DAE’ posts. This is a weird thing I’ve done my whole life, and curious if anyone relates. When I’m trying to complete a task, and it’s not bright enough to see clearly, I have an overwhelming urge to close my eyes tightly and complete the task that way. This is common for me in situations like searching for an item in my bag, or trying to find an item in my car at night etc. My brain kind of tells me I’m better off with no visual input than not enough? It works too! Anyone else experience this, or could perhaps enlighten me as to why my brain thinks this is a good idea?",3 cant even get myself to stand up anymorw i hate this,2 "I was diagnosed with PTSD early this year from CSA. On top of that I’ve been struggling with my mental health in serious ways since 2012, starting at the age of 18 where I was eventually treated for Bipolar Disorder and ADHD. Since then I’ve experienced more and more in the way of mood episodes of increasing severity. In many ways however I am still coping so well and am in a high stress environment at my first full time job as a high school teacher in an isolated and economically limited community overburdened with social problems. I feel I do well, and I enjoy the work and it’s been noted as a protective factor for me. Despite this, I’m struggling so much, and have gone through patterns of serious alcohol and cannabis abuse in addition to an overnight stay in an acute unit for suicidality, and my anxiety keeps knocking me down and preventing me from doing the prep work I need to. It’s 11:50pm and I need to be up in just over 5 hours. I hate living like this. A month ago I was finally stable and things were seeming alright, but over my school holiday things went south again. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this. I don’t enjoy being sober when I’m home alone. I still appreciate all the progress I’ve made, but this is unsustainable. I’m loosing my mind and this is all so shitty. I don’t want to live each day feeling a chronic anxiety I can’t shake and with how things are going I’m scared of sipping back into depression. I have an appointment with my psychologist next week and have been receiving counselling too, but I’m losing the will to continue to work, and have a lot to do until then. FUCK THIS SHIT. I hate it. I miss feeling like me",3 "I have been following this group for sometime & it’s been amazing place to get a greater understanding for my son. We’re in the uk and going back to school next week, my sons really changed in the last week, really aggressive, argumentative, and to me it seems like he is anxious about going back. We tried to asking him what’s going on, having cuddles saying he can tell us anything, but what’s the best way to get him to communicate his feelings with us? From a worried “Neurotypical” mum.",3 Does anybody else with autism have shockingly bad memory? Like memory so bad you forget almost anything that happened mere seconds ago. I can only remember random events from years ago but I can never remember what people told me to my face 3 seconds after they finished speaking. Is this an autism thing or is this just me?,3 "Hello just looking for some new friends to chat with. Tell me about your special interests",3 "I noticed aspies like to give things away and I am no exception. But this past year something that never happened to me before occurred 3 times. People bring things back to me because they don't like it enough. First time it was a friend to whom I brought a bottle of wine to drink together and we didn't drink a lot. It was a good, organic red wine. But he's more into white wine and I had the surprise to see him bring me back the unfinished bottle after 3 weeks. I had an internal wtf moment, especially as I don't want to drink old rancid wine but okay. Second time I learn that a friend is pregnant with her 2nd child. I have 2 myself and about the same age gap as hers will be. I know she's into the same style of parenting as me and I have kids books I bought for my first to prepare him for the arrival of his brother. I was thinking to give or sell these books as our house is just full and we don't need them anymore. So instead I asked my bf to pass them to her bf as they are colleagues. 1 one week later bf comes back with one of the books: she doesn't want this one, probably because the first kid is a boy and hers is a girl. Wtf again. Makes me feel like shit. Last time, today, my kids teacher gave me back brand new cotton face masks I gave to her. I bought them when we were running out of masks and they don't fit my face well and they look similar to hers, except hers are really worn out. I wear masks only when I go out and she has to wear them all the day. So I thought she would have a better use of them than me and the other face masks I have are sufficient until (hopefully) we don't need them anymore. She doesn't like them because they have silver nano particles in it (edit: after research these particles might have a toxicity and these masks have been removed from the market, I didn't know this). So once again I feel bad and I am wondering if I did something wrong, or if ""normal"" people would not be bothered in my place? And now I will really be hesitant to go out of my way to give people things. Very often people gave things to me and also things I didn't like. But I never ever brought the things back, I say thank you with a smile and give it to someone else or throw it away if it's food nobody can eat. Did this happen to you?",3 "I never been on a date or used a dating app. I'm 30 and a GIRL. I want a boyfriend, so I am looking for perhaps a dating app. Where someone can pick me up to go on a legitimate date. https://www.hikiapp.com/",3 "I feel like every 2-6 months I burnout from struggles with auditory processing, poor short term working memory and social issues (bullying, or misunderstandings). Not to mention I have physical limitations with fibromyalgia and a chronic migraine disorder. I have asked for accommodations but I’m afraid to be fully honest about my struggles as people approach me differently once they know. Usually with the attitude, you don’t look autistic…. I could just really use advice on career choice and methods of coping.",3 "I finished filling the dishwasher this morning without wandering out of the kitchen once! Normally I'd wander off at least five times while filling or emptying the dishwasher. The chore has taken me up to three hours to complete before. Admittedly there were fewer dishes to put in this particular morning, but I still managed to stay on-task the entire time! My second day on Vyvanse (30 mg) is going much better than my first. Admittedly, there's probably other factors that came into play, but still. First day: -taken at about 9:15 in the morning, just before my first class. (I waited to take it until after I took my first attempt at the driver's license test; I figured starting a new medication and trying to take the test at the same time wasn't the wisest idea. Strangely enough, even though I messed up the parallel parking and failed the test, ADHD doesn't seem to interfere with my ability to drive, at least not nearly as much compared to other areas of my life. Something about driving being in ""real-time"" helps it click with my brain nicely. Sure, I've forgotten a turn signal a couple of times, but I think everyone does when first learning.) -my first class, the first hour after taking, I didn't notice any difference. Vyvanse does take longer to take effect, I think, so I kinda expected that. -at some point during the second half of my second class, about two hours after taking the dose, I started to feel much more energetic, and a little jittery. It didn't feel like useful energy, though; it's the kind of energy that sits in my body and doesn't really do anything, but I felt it. Similar sort of experience to drinking a can of Monster Energy on a stomach that's just a little too empty. -I was jittery and a bit on-edge throughout lunch and the beginning of my next class. Thankfully, I think I managed to sidestep most or all of the appetite/gastrointestinal-related side effects. -I started to notice a slight increase in concentration during the end of lunch while very quickly finishing up an assignment for my class next period. -My heart rate was noticeably fast during my third class, at about 3.5 hours after taking the medication. My heart rate is naturally on the fast side to begin with, and rather excitable, so I wasn't terribly worried. I did make a note to keep an eye on that in case it got much faster, though. -During my fourth class, I no longer felt any concentration boost. The jitters were gone by that point, and my heart rate was mostly normal. The room seemed unusually bright; I think my pupils were more dilated at that point. That particular effect wore off shortly after leaving that class, and it wasn't very strong to begin with, just enough to be noticeable. -One weird thing I noticed when walking between classes was that my sense of balance was off. I felt less steady, and was aware of a side-to-side swaying feeling as I was walking. It didn't cause any problems, it was just bizzare. That effect peaked at the end of my fourth and last class as I moved to my independent study. I wouldn't have described the feeling as ""dizzy."" -For the rest of my time at school, nothing seemed much different than normal. I did feel slight fatigue, but I'm usually tired by the end of the day to begin with. -I also noted to myself that some of these side effects may have been affected by me mentally beating myself up all day over failing the driver's test. As in, I was crying in my first class and a bit of my second and it's a wonder nobody noticed. My body also has a tendency to confuse strong emotions on occasion; it's entirely possible that this negativity partially caused the jittery feeling from earlier. -After school, I walked to a local convenience store to get myself a snack and a healthy dose of chocolate milk to console myself with. The loss of balance was less noticeable by then, and walking more seemed to help it. -By the time I'd gotten back home, and had some protein and chocolate in my body, I was feeling mostly back to ""normal."" I did feel like I didn't get tired until later that night, which I'd expected. Vyvanse lasts longer, and I'd taken it a bit later in the day. (And I'm already a night owl most nights.) Now, I'm planning on getting up at ridiculous'o'clock tomorrow morning to view a lunar eclipse (longest of the century, I think), so last night, I started to form a plan. I'd need to take the medicine earlier if I wanted it to wear off in time for me to go to bed early tonight. (I'm still not sure quite how long it stays in my system.) I also wanted to see if a boost from the Vyvanse would help me actually get out of bed in the morning and start getting ready for the day. (My school has a system where we alternate between at-school days and cyber days dating back to even before the pandemic, and on days where I'm at home I a) get up much later on average and b) barely get anything done anymore.) So I devised a plan: -set an alarm for 5:15 AM -put my next dose, my phone with alarm, and a water bottle in the top drawer of my dresser (I have a loft bed with a built-in dresser; the top drawer doubles as my makeshift nightstand) -get up at 5:15, take my Vyvanse, and go back to sleep. I figured that by the time it kicked in, it would be about time for me to get up. I set the plan in motion this morning... unfortunately, it was partially foiled by me needing to pee five minutes after taking the medication. Once I'd been in the bathroom with the lights on, I wasn't able to fully go back to sleep after that. I did get a good hour and a half or so of rest, though. Another weird thing I noticed was a slight tightness in my throat and a tingly sensation on the tip of my tongue after taking my second dose. No clue why. The throat thing might just be because I'm not used to that kind of pill capsule. Alternatively, I might be mildly allergic to the capsule. Not the Vyvanse, just the capsule it's contained in. I don't know if that’s true or even possible but if it is I think that's really funny. At about 7:30, I was able to actually get myself out of bed!! Admittedly I'd been up on my phone since about 7:15-ish but that's still the earliest I've gotten up on a cyber day in a while. I got up and a had a meal replacement bar high in protein (that I got at the convenience store yesterday) since I wanted to see if protein could also help. And protein powder is just too gross for me to get down, unfortunately. I wasn't jittery at all today. I had expected to maybe even be more jittery, since I'd taken the meds on an empty stomach this time, but apparently not. As for today: -helped get my siblings ready and out to the bus stop -met with my special ed. teacher for a quick check-in about schoolwork (we've just started this today as well, I think it'll be helpful) -filled the dishwasher and DIDN'T WANDER OFF -had an epiphany while pacing back and forth in my kitchen eating a banana after the dishwasher was running to finish off my breakfast: the medication doesn't necessarily have to be a replacement for any other sources of dopamine, like walking, or swimming, or listening to the same song on repeat a bazillion times. it can be more of an emergency fund, for when the usual sources of dopamine (including exercise, nutrition, and proper sleep) just aren't cutting it. I'd wondered if I'd be less fidgety on the medication. At least for today, I've actually been more fidgety while working, but I was actually working for once. -finished three outstanding assignments in one of my classes. wrote way too much for one of them. -took a break to start writing this post. took a break halfway through writing this post to use the bathroom, eat some apple slices, and actually get changed out of my pajamas. I was definitely more focused this morning. Starting at about 11:30 I feel like it's starting to wear off, but I might just need a break from work. Hence why I'm now leaving to go on a walk with my mom and sibling. That's all for now, and my mom's waiting for me so I'm forcing myself to end this here.",0 So I'm on day 3 of Vyvanse and I'm very jittery and my heart is racing which is making my anxiety worse I'm also on venlafaxine and Clonazepam as needed and by the afternoon I'm getting a headache this is my 5th ADHD medication I have tried and I'm getting frustrated I'm going to keep on it for a few weeks in hopes that it gets better and advice would be highly appreciated thank you,0 "For the first time, in.. well, ever. I'm not sure exactly what changed or when. But today, after I did something dumb (I don't remember what, something insignificant like walking into the door frame), the inner monologue said something like 'it's okay, I like myself'. It stopped me in my tracks - I don't remember ever thinking that before. I took a moment to look in the mirror and see myself from a positive, more objective perspective; not just in my appearance, but in the person I am. And I am here to tell you, kids, that I saw it all, and I liked it. I didn't see some dumb, fat, dropout loser like my brain tries to portray me as. Instead I saw beauty. I saw a compassionate, weird, creative, fierce woman, who suffered trauma upon trauma but somehow overcame. Who even in the lowest points of her own life has never turned away a person in need. Who continues to grow and evolve into better versions of herself every day. I'm telling you this partly because I'm proud of myself and wanna show off a little, but mostly because I want anyone and everyone out there who's struggling with themselves, to know that it's possible. It's not just something people say to make you feel better; it's real and it's attainable. To other folk this would probably sound like the ramblings of a madman, but I feel like I've just raised Atlantis or some shit, and I knew you guys would get it. Be kind to yourself, you become more amazing every day. Peace ✌️",3 "Hello everyone! I just got diagnosed for PTSD a couple weeks ago and I am still very shocked even though my behaviors line up with a lot of the symptoms. I got into a car accident in February of this past year and the memory of it really affects me since it felt like a near death experience. I have very intrusive thoughts and I fear death of myself and others all the time now. Luckily I have been going to therapy every other week and I am coming to the point where I will have to choose a type of therapy. There was like one involving eye movement, one involving progressive muscle relaxation, and the prolonged exposure therapy. I feel like I reallly really need help because I have recognized how worried I have become about simple things. I already have had issues with anxiety all my life but now it feels like they have been amplified 100 times. I don't drive myself places as much as I used to and I try to avoid areas I am not familiar with. I do lots of avoiding...HOWEVER, I would like to think positively about the fact that I still DO make small drives to places and I do not avoid the act all together. I just fear getting worse and becoming a recluse in my home. Has anyone else had a similar experience and what did you do to help you reduce your symptoms and get better?",3 "hii adhd reddit uhh ok so basically i was talking with my therapist abt how i haven’t been able to hyperfixate super strongly on something for months. i’ve had a couple here and there but nothing to what i had a couple months ago with this one source of media. i told my therapist abt how this made me feel super empty and unmotivated and he pointed out it may be due to my meds? like instead of just focusing on the one hyperfixation they help me focus on other stuff too? bc i haven’t hyper fixated on anything super strongly like i use to be able too since starting them. has anyone else experienced this? and maybe does anybody have any advice on how to get a super strong hyperfixatation again? thanks !!",0 "I saw the other post about something y'all are really good at, and I'd love to hear how your ADHD specifically has helped you do something really well or given you a leg-up in something. \*I'm struggling right now with the negative aspects/struggles of ADHD as a recent diagnosis and feeling hopeless/in the dumps, so I could really use some positivity/hear about the positive aspects of ADHD\*",0 Do OCD compulsions mean having pure ocd because I have had compulsions but OCD has mainly brought me alot of mental pain and anguish (I have more than one sexual attraction related OCD trigger by the way but mainly pocd).,1 "One of the central characters in Disney’s recent animated film, a story about a magically-gifted family at risk of losing their powers, can see into the future and is extremely superstitious. He throws salt over his shoulder, holds his breath when speedily walking through enclosed spaces, and has a ‘knocking’ ritual - all of this is played for laughs. Working through complex topics in kid’s films can be done, but the way this film presented OCD to a young audience completely missed any opportunity for opening a dialogue with children that could improve their understanding. What’s worse is I haven’t found a single article on how the film touched on OCD, which suggests Disney had no intention of addressing this and the rituals were included solely as comic relief. Instead of enjoying what was otherwise a sweet story, I had to have the uncomfortable conversation after the film had ended about how the way these behaviours were framed encourages a young and ignorant audience to mock the character in question. Disney had the perfect opportunity to educate and they dropped the ball.",1 Hi! I've been dealing with daily nightmares since my trauma occurred. They continue to haunt me. My doctor gave me amitriptyline to help put me in a deeper sleep - it is helping but I am still getting nightmares every 3 or 4 days - especially after a trigger. Any advice on things I can do or medication I could request from my doctor to further decrease the nightmares?,3 " My adhd tremendously impacts my life. I’m in my senior year of HS and my adhd really negatively affects my school life. I’m homeschooled which is a blessing and a curse, but i’m very behind on my assignments so I was trying to work on catching up. Impossible. I have felt so terrible and empty these past few days and I’ve had no motivation for absolutely anything. I had one assignment to do and for three days straight I would sit at my computer and just look at the screen and then get distracted and do something else. I couldn’t bring myself to do that assignment. The farthest I would get would be writing a sentence and then my focus was somewhere else and I couldn’t bring myself to touch the assignment again. I just couldn’t. It was terrible and I felt like such a disappointment and failure. But tonight, at 4am, I found out I could do that assignment on my phone. I wanted to check if there was another way I could possibly get the assignment done and I had a hint of motivation and hope that using my phone would do the job. I don’t know how it happened, but I ended up completing the entire assignment and even doing more all on my phone while laying in bed. The thing is, I know I wouldn’t of been able to do that on my computer without destroying my mind. Like, I wouldn’t even of been able to force myself, at least not with how i’ve been feeling. Does anyone have any clue why this happened??",0 "I’ve never been in a relationship and I’m starting to feel that It’ll stay that way till I die. I hate being alone like this. I have some friends and I go out from time to time but nothing ever goes anywhere. No matter how what’s I try to be outgoing, I just end up feeling and looking more alone. I don’t think I’m ugly or anything, I’ve been hit on before but was too scared to do anything. My chances have come and gone and I’ll never have another again. I seriously feel im going to die alone at this point because everyone I know my age has or has have someone. But I never been in a relationship. My life won’t mean anything if I have no one to share it with. I hate my life.",2 "Greetings. I am an uncle to a wonderful child who recently recieved a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome from his family's general practitioner. I care very much about my nephew and I want to do everything I can to be a positive force in his life while recognizing and supporting his individuality. Obviously, AS is a spectrum and every person dealing with Asperger's has a unique situation but without getting too much into his specific situation, are there any recommendations for how I can best support and encourage him as he grows and develops? Unfortunately, his parents aren't overly motivated to accomodate his situation. They seem to still be in a state of denial about his diagnosis while the rest of his family has every intention of supporting him and showing him love and encouragement. Resources I should look into to learn more? Recommendations for me to try to help him at this early stage in his life? I appreciate any feedback or advice. Respectfully, -BT",3 "NicoB is one of my favourite you tubers and I was so looking forward to watching him play the new danganronpa game only for him to make it a live stream which is something I can’t watch because of my adhd I hate my concentration issues, I can’t watch something I genuinely enjoy because of it right now, the stream archive is 5 hours long I cannot pay attention that long-",0 Do you guys ever feel uncomfortable when walking next to a trashcan on the street or walk by a garbage truck driving next to you?,1 "I'm just going to keep this short for the moment, but if there is anyone here that has TOCD can you respond? I've had tics for a while (it runs in my family) but it wasn't until this year that I have been able to pinpoint as an OCD issue, rather than just Tourettes or some other tic disorder. I hate trying to research it though and having minimal resources, or trying to find people I can relate to on TikTok or Reddit and finding very few people. I just want to know some one is out there that relates and can help out:/",1 Does anyone have any experience with an autism support program at a four year college? My Aspie son is looking at colleges and he needs a support program at the school if he is going to go away. Any info would be helpful. TIA.,3 I’ve noticed since the shooting (a couple years ago) that I haven’t had symptoms of ptsd or anything. Why? Shouldn’t I look back on it and feel fear or something?,3 "I post here cause I don't know one single Good darm of you mother Fulkerson out there, so I don't feel embarrassed. I recently found it helps me get stuff off my chest. I'm guilty!! Not the person I dreamt of becoming. Made a lot of mistakes that have hurt others around me.. done alone of caca and treated others rudely or worse. I can't stop these overwhelming feelings and thoughts that are so bad I don't know what to do. And these voices in my head never let up. Like I got a group of angels and devils on each shoulder, always getting me into trouble,, and on my case with guilt and being humble trips. The meds don't help. Ganja, THC, MJ, pot, flower, weed, wax, is about the only thing that I know of which helps. I'm fucken done. Have a nice day. 🤙",2 I don’t like explaining it to anyone cuz it’s like.. unfathomable to them that we have thoughts like these,1 "I definitely need to vent this and I know I dont have it the worst than others. My feelings are always dictating my thoughts yet they are legit feelings. I've been battling depression anxiety all my life. For 8 years I've been getting help. I've been doing better but I still find myself horribly feeling hopeless about my life. My financial situation just isnt enough to allow me to live on my own. I litterally feel like I have to count pennies everyday and even pennies I dont have. All of it goes towards bills, CBD (because that's what works for me), food, and emergency financials like fixing my car or going to the hospital for a legit medical reason. My main trigger at aggravating my depression is the current toxic social situation I have at work. I go in everyday dreading about what I might walk into and it's usually justified because I have to hear a coworker yell, bang things around, harass or nit pick on me, or do their usual toxic gossip. I just cant deal with it anymore. Reminds me too much of all the crazy emotional and psychological abuse I had growing up as a kid. Every loud nose makes me want to jump but always makes my skin crawl with that start of my anxiety attack. My week usually consists of dealing with this person doing this on a daily whenever I have to work in the room with them. I've been trying to make sure HR and my superiors know about it but today I just got to the point of thinking ""why bother? They might think I'm just complaining now. They dont seem to take it seriously that I'm uncomfortable working around this person. I'm not asking for special treatment but I dont think I HAVE to be around this."" Yes, I've tried to confront this person politely about everything from requesting they stop to simply leaving me alone. But it's like it works for a little bit and then it just goes right back to how things were. I'm ashamed to say that today was the first day I got suspicious of them giving me a chocolate. If they arent harassing me they are working on love bombing me in a coworker way of making friends. How long have I been dealing with this? For a year. Can I switch shifts? Yes, but at the cost of my relationship with my bf. Can i permanently go to a different department? I was told I'd have to apply for a job opening but I'll make less in a different department. Why dont they fire this coworker? They wont because we need our workers in my department & this one coworker is considered the shift social butterfly or favorite by a lot of other coworkers. I simply can't compete in a he said she said drama fest. I hate drama and I hate the fact I'm posting this because its drama in of itself. Most of the time I keep it to myself or try to save it for my counselor. My bf doesnt fully understand or doesn't know what to say. I usually tell him it's ok because hes not a professional in psychology. I dont expect him to do anything more than listen. I do have a counselor but it only helps so much. I try to stay positive, listen to relaxing music, job search, meditate, spend time with cats (my favorite thing), counting or taking a breather and even reading. It helps for only so long before I'm back to feeling like I'm at square one. Even back with my suicidal thoughts (wont act on them, I know better). I'm done feeling this way for a whole year. I want to be left alone a lot of the time. But when I think about wanting to be alone I just think that I dont want to be away from my only real family which is my bf. I have friends but they are usually busy with their own life. Plus covid has me not wanting to be around new people or groups. Just isnt worth getting sick with any strain of covid and spreading it to others. And there you have my rant. It's a whole bunch of a drama dump. Today was a bad day for me. Just so ready to leave this job.",2 "I have been reflecting on my entire life recently and Im almost certain that I have had undiagnosed OCD for a lot of my life. I have always had obsessive and intrusive thoughts which I've felt are separate to my deep morals. When I was younger I was very emotional, and into repetitive rituals (eg, walking up and down the garden a certain amount of times after school, bouncing a certain amount of times on the trampoline, saying the same prayer before bed or something would happen to me) - and I have always been prone to extreme obsessions that took over my life in a really unhealthy way and impacted my everyday life. I would constantly fixate on them and let it take over my thoughts. As I've got older this has been really triggered by relationships - I have been a total victim to black and white thinking - thinking that if I dont OBSESS over someone I don't love them, and if I don't feel obsessed with them then I MUST leave them as a matter of urgency and if I dont then I am a bad person and I am going to die. This then results in immediate dread, panic attacks and flipping of perspective. I have certain compulsions which I try to help myself find relief which usually involve repetitively googling my problems, trying to talk to family and friends 24/7 about the same issue, having to write down my problems and trying to reassure myself constantly which always loops back to the same guilt and anxiety, and usually tears and hysteria. I am now 25 and these obsessions and fixations have now taken over my daily life and I don't know what to do. It is so hard to access mental health services as an adult, does anyone on here think this sounds like OCD symptoms?",1 "I know everyone has their preferences, I shouldn't force myself and thats fine. But I feel like there's a stereotype around people with aspergers loving science fiction and fantasy. Don't get me wrong, the escapism aspect appeals to me. But I watched the new Dune film yesterday (no spoilers). While I thought from a cinematography point of view aspects of it were very well done, I struggled to tell the characters apart. Same with star wars. When they're unmasked I can, but to me a lot of it just looks like a load of people in identical suits fighting for various sides using terminology I don't understand and I find it hard to follow. I kind of feel that way with LOTR too. The acting and scenery is incredible but the big fight scenes to me are more or less identical and there's too many characters and sub-plots. People say I should read the books to understand it better but I'm a very visual person and find it hard to understand what I can't see.",3 "mine are saline solution by wilbur, destroyed by hippie powers by car seat headrest, and a burning hill by mitski.",1 "No matter what I do, things always go wrong. I just bring along bad luck wherever I go or whatever I do. I’m just a bad person and I don’t mean to be. Maybe the world, everyone and everything would be better if I was never even born. Life would just go on and nobody would even notice or care",2 I’m rlly nervous about going to the police tmr to get a restraining order. My abuser has contacted me again and I can’t keep doing this. I’m just rlly scared. Any advice?,3 "I'm 28, from what I understand now from my ADHD, it makes me chase things very heavily, sometimes I feel like I don't understand even why I am doing things but it's just an interest seeking impulse, I believe that fundamentally this is what my whole life feels like, chasing impulses, and seeing the interest fade away without anything I can do about it. From Jobs, that I need to stop working in a position every 1.5 to 2 years because I get bored, to relationships, really really like a girl and out of the sudden dropping complete interest. What I hate the most about this, is not being able to explain this sudden drop of interest, people always think I'm lazy, or too ""EXTREMIST"". It's always so sad to hear that. I guess I am writting because I feel lost, I've been chasing so much those impulses that I feel like when I don't have anything to chase I just feel purpuselssness, I even forgot why I even was doing what I was doing or feeling regret for following through those impulses. I wish I could maintain purpose and long term goals, not get distracted by every other feeling of ""This could be amazing"". I don't know if anybody feels like this, but I'd love to hear your story and how you feel. How do you deal with achievement, has anyone been able to maintain long term goals or potentially be at peace with not doing this?",0 "Hi guys, I asked my doc 5 weeks ago if I could try Dexedrine. He said sure, I'll get that in the works for you. But it's been 5 weeks and I haven't heard anything. I don't remember exactly but I think when I had to wait for my Ritalin prescription it took maybe 2 weeks... though the COVID situation over here is different than what it was at that time. Does anyone know if it is it normal for it to take this long? I want to email him and ask for an update but don't want to be seen as a 'drug seeker'. It's just I am getting anxious and am struggling to do anything while I wait to hear back about it. I feel like I've been really patient honestly, but these might just be normal wait times for this particular drug.",0 "I'm trying to study for an important test this Wednesdays. I managed to finish half of the material this weekend after struggling with adhd paralysis the entire week. I wrote flashcards for everything. Now I still have full 13 pages of text left. I can't even shorten it bcs all the information is important. I realized that the fact that i have to write so much material on flashcards was overwhelming me extremely so I decided to stop right then to take a break. Any other ways I can memorize the material? I don't know if only reading it will help? I'm to scared to highlight anything since it always gets out of hand and I just highlight way to much. I really need some advice!",0 "I haven't properly showered in years and while it's something I hope to address with a therapist when I can afford one, I'll take anything I can get.",2 "I was diagnosed with Aspergers at a young age, I never realized what that meant at that point in time, until recently. It's something I've had emotional problems coming to grips with. I was going through some rough issues throughout last year as a result of learning of my disability, I felt as though my faults were because of how different my brain functions compared to everyone else. As I am in a better mindset, I don't see it that way anymore. It definitely explains why I've always been different from everyone else I know, and thankfully, one of my best friends also knows where I'm coming from and can understand me. I'm still trying to comprehend what it means, and I am watching some stuff on the subject.",3 Pretty much what the title says. I’ll be graduating with my masters soon and looking for jobs and I’m wondering if anyone has any tips for managing ADHD when you work in a lab. Or if you work in a lab and just want to vent/ commiserate we can do that too. I really struggle with keeping consistent labels/ creating entirely different labeling systems for different sample sets that make it insanely confusing when I have to return to a sample set after a period of time.,0 "Okay, so I decided that it's gonna be good for me to learn some new skills and I chose to be better at Photoshop. Of course, I started to postpone that and rather be on my phone. Today I get myself to google tutorials for skin retouching like frequency separation. Found a video, pressed play and got to my phone again. While the author of the video kept talking, I was distracted with my phone, but sometimes was looking back at video to see what was going on. Basically, the problem is that I avoid, can't sit still while watching/learning and have, let's call it - attention deficit because I'm scared. I also remember when I was a kid and been learning HTML and CSS, I never got past that to learn JavaScript because I was afraid of learning it. So, yeah, any tips if you know more about this than me? Because I could learn so many things if I could not feel irritated, scared or unease while keeping attention/having to sit through video/having to sit through experience? The same goes to learning/practicing painting since it's a hard and long process. Feel too lazy to do that. Maybe me just find it like this.",3 "I’m in a sort of new relationship atm, all of my past relationships have been very toxic and abusive so I don’t much know what a healthy relationship looks like. I’m not super stable mentally and neither is my boyfriend tbh. I’ve been trying to stop self harming, I think right now I’m about 14 days sober from self harm! Today, I’m hanging out with my boyfriend for the first time alone since we’ve started dating and I’m pretty nervous. We kind of planned for him to cut me a couple times, he wants to drink my blood and I’ll never turn down an opportunity to hurt myself/see my blood I suppose. I don’t know how to feel about it hah. I suppose I just want to know if letting him do it would be considered self harm or not? Any advice is appreciated I’m 15f and he’s 16m btw",2 "do you ever think you're doing okay and then something happens where you automatically give a happy response but then you realize that you're not actually feeling the happy and then you realize that everything feels like nothing and then you realize that you're not actually doing good, you're just numb and not specifically doing bad but really that's kind of better than doing bad but then you realize that it's still not actually doing good and it can't be because it's numb and then you're doing bad again because you just want to be doing good",2 "Hi guys I done fucked up. I’ve taken 25mg of doxylamine instead of an iron tablet this morning because I’m who I am as a human being and the boxes are the same colour. I’ve also taken my usual 70mg of Vyvanse. I assume someone here has also made this mistake because again, we all are who we are as human beings. Just looking for advice on what I could do or what to expect please. Thank you in advance.",0 Is anyone else eyes are constantly red and just tired of crying? Cause mine has been.,2 "I haven't been diagnosed with PTSD yet but I know I have it. I live in the UK with my parents and my sister. 3 years ago my sister was diagnosed with a brain tumour. She was in hospital for 7 months, half of that time was spent in and out of intensive care. She's still severly disabled as a result, and as is common with people who have brain injuries, she's prone to fits of rage where she screams and throws things and it scares the crap out of me. I've been trying to get therapy for the best part of a year now, but only one place in my area does face to face therapy, and they're so busy I still haven't even been able to get on the waiting list. I had anxiety problems before, but now I feel different and worse. I get frustrated easily and I'm tired all the time and sometimes I just spontaneously start crying. I was better when I was working, it kept me busy I guess, but with the lockdown I've been with my sister 24/7 and it's like I'm on edge all the time and I keep getting heart palpitations. My mum uses me like her own personal therapist, she tells me how difficult it is to look after my sister while piling on the pressure for me to look after my sister once my parents die. I just feel like if I hear anything more about my sister and brain tumours and hospitals I'll just die on the spot. I don't know what to do or how I can even get help in the middle of a fucking pandemic. Idk it's like every time I look at my sister I'm reminded of all the awful things that happened while she was in hospital, and how things will never be the same, and how in the future I'm going to be responsible for caring for her even though I'm terrified of her. I can't talk to my parents or my friends about this, and I can't really get professional help because of the coronavirus situation, so I just feel really stuck and overwhelmed and like I'm gonna have a fucking nervous breakdown if this goes on much longer. Sorry this is so long and if it doesn't make any sense. I just needed to get this off my chest.",3 "My girlfriend just doesn’t understand. My doctors said my memory loss is due to my “drug abuse” (I don’t use any drugs and haven’t for a long long time) which caused me more stress and I have memories of the meltdown and the night I went missing, since then I’ve had “short term memory loss” the doctors saying it’s because of drug use caused me more stress because I’ve been to rehab before (another hard time in life) I don’t use illegal drugs, I’m just suffering. If my girlfriend doesn’t understand then how am I supposed to get over this trauma.",3 " I am trying so hard to hold back from killing myself, please help. I hate myself. The way I act, how I look, the cold heartness inside me. My anxiety. My whole teenage years spent inside my bedroom. I cannot have a conversation. I cannot listen to my voice, or stare in a mirror. I do nothing all day. Lay in my bed and complain. How long until my friends are fed up with me? I'm going to lose them, what if they leave me to it? My sexuality, I don't know. Thinking of someone I'm close with getting in a relationship stabs me in the heart 500 times. I have no hobbies, no interests. I'm selfish. I think I could heal, but the thought my friends could leave me if I don't hurry and get my act together, and the relationship thing... I don't know. I don't want to hear that they're not my friends if they leave, they have dealt with it for way too long, I am a joke. They're some of the best people on this planet. They just don't know how to help me, neither do I really. I might try to kill myself tonight. This is unbareable",2 "How to handle manic/depressive episodes with ADHD I’m a sophomore in college and i have lost all motivation, even with meds i feel like i just wanna break everything and say f*ck you to everyone and i don’t even the things i typically get excited about. But then there are days where I am off the wall, love talking to everyone and try my hardest in everything I do. It happens when I take meds and when I don’t take them. I know that ADHD and Bipolar disorder have some similarities but I’m just curious if anyone else has experienced this.",0 "It's been years since I've felt like this. Felt like myself. I was replying to someone on this sub about shitty job interview questions. I was daydreaming about not taking the process seriously at all. Like ruining the entire interview just for fun. It reminded me of what truly motivates me: boredom, stupid humor, food, sleep, excitement. Sometimes I just wanna be kicked in the dick to escape my low energy boredom. That phrase made me happy. Thinking about being able to not take an interview seriously made me super happy. I may just apply for some jobs I don't want and dick around. I can't believe I felt like my old self again. It's been years. My meds used to rush my soul when I was young. Getting off them screwed up my life so badly that all I've been able to do is survive ever since. Been over 10 years in survival mode. No real lasting joy. The thought of answering an interview question with ""your mom's butt"" made me feel like a kid again. I think I'm just weird as fuck. Lol. The phrases ""fuck nut"" and ""dick nuts"" has been randomly popping into my head a d giving me random laughs. Maybe that's a sign I need to call someone a fuck nut soon. Hahaha. My boss deserves it. Anyway, just wanted to share a very weird and specific ADHD victory. Most of my existence is spent just freaking out and trying not to be homeless again. Tonight has been a rare break. I think the most important thing for me to take from this experience is to stop taking anything seriously. I was happiest when just didn't take anything seriously. Everything was a joke. I think people hated me but they couldn't get me down. I also had friends back then. Well, time for more dick jokes and making fun of myself. Hope this helps someone. It helped me a ton.",0 My biggest fear right now is death and that I won’t be around to see the future and it’ll all be my fault. My worst scenario is that I’ll go to treatment for self harm thoughts and that we can’t come up with a reason for me to live! I’m so paralyzed with fear recently that something bad will happen! What do I do?!,1 "I don’t know if this belongs here but I just wish I wasn’t considered odd for talking to myself all the time. I’m hilarious! To me anyways 😅 and often I can only say things that only I get or care about. I can’t rant about my little pony fanfic ideas ten times (it’s my special interest ) a day to others, I couldn’t put someone through that! Also often when something is on my mind I HAVE to get it out or it will make me so uncomfortable keeping it in, and some one isn’t always available to rant to, but I am! :)",3 "I go and open the door, see that there is chocolate inside (surprise), am happy about it for a second, then my stomach goes yuck, im going to throw up, so I close the door again and probably wait until after Christmas again, to eat all the chocolate at once because I can't hide it anymore that I haven't eaten a single one before.",2 "Hi, i strongly suspect that I have adhd, or atleast some symptoms though. One such thing I observed is that... Whenever i start doing something i do it with all my heart, the interest, the excitement and all.....Over time it gradually decreases and then I stop doing it all together and then jump to something new. My current interest is on seedboxes and stuff and I have around 5 vps running and used as seedboxes. Whenever I have free time now, all i am doing is checking my servers and searching for new torrents. And now I feel like my interest is gradually decreasing and shifting into something new. It's good to know and learn many things but it's quite exhausting at the same time. It's just that I don't have any control over this behavior no matter how much I try to stop it.",0 "Hey. I'm a 25 yo guy who have been suffering from OCD from 21 yo and it got worse and worse. But the most disturbing subtype is harm OCD for me. I always pass with fear on street near every person because I am afraid of losing control and after I pass I wonder if I beat them, stole them things or even killing then and then as a compulsion turning around and looking if those people are alive. I am a criminal for sure. I feel so worried and wonder if someday will come police to my door and arrest me.",1 "For some brief background, I’m eighteen as of last year, diagnosed with ADHD, Tourette’s, Aspergers (obviously) and a few other things I can’t remember. Today my friend (not IRL, but just as close as any of my few ones I do have IRL) got me a gift and I started freaking out because I realized I couldn’t feel grateful for it. In fact it’s been like that for the last few Christmases with my family. I will admit I’ve had a very spoiled upbringing and a large part of me wishes I hadn’t. For numerous reasons but mainly because now I’m stuck wondering if I’m just taking things for granted or if I can’t feel gratitude for some reason anymore? I know I did before in my life, I remember it pretty clearly. Does anyone have any insight on if this has to do with my Aspergers or not? Because for the first time in my life I feel like a freak. PS. It’s worth noting I’ve been up for 24+ hours by now so my emotions are running rampant.",3 "I wish that people could look at me and know something is wrong with me. Then they would know to give me more patience, to understand why I can't communicate clearly, to appreciate how much effort I put into being here on this earth. But I look normal, speak normally, and can act normally for some minutes. As long as the purpose of the exchange is clear, like a doctor's appointment. Until they ask me a question like ""How are you?"" and I don't know what to say. Sometimes I don't say anything. It makes me seem rude, when I'm actually just struggling. Maybe I should wear a badge or something that says I'm autistic. Idk. All I know is that blending into society is a special kind of torture. Especially because everyone in my family denies it.",3 "I have been searching this up online and I don’t know if I have accidentally overdosed on Adderall XR? I felt angry, jittery, and I had a panic attack earlier. These are all the symptoms of addiction ok Adderall, but this is only my second day of taking a new prescription of Adderall after the first one didn’t work. I take it once a day as prescribed. I had a panic attack, I became angry, and I can’t stop moving my leg. I don’t know what to do guys. Is this common?",0 "For example I love fashion, pairing outfits etc and my OCD often targets this. Like if I hear a single person on the internet say they don’t like long skirts/ripped jeans/whatever, my brain will try to ruin me if I like that item. I also often get something new or wear an old favorite and then my brain will try to convince me I actually hate it and shouldn’t wear it. When I was younger I would deliberately search up negative reviews of movies I liked, or hate videos of my hobbies, and then sort of use it as digital self harm. I would write very lengthy comments defending myself against random internet people for no reason. Anyone else?",1 "I'm 28m, diagnosed a few months ago. Been a huge weight off my shoulders which has made me much more able to practice self-love and self-kindness. Spent years beating myself up and wondering what was wrong with me. I still have moments where old habits resurface though and feel angry at myself for doing or thinking x, y or z. Anyone else feel the same?",3 "[deleted] [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/opxeed)",1 "I got diagnosed with ADHD early this year (31F). Since then I’ve done a lot of research and reading and it’s been so helpful to understand my world and my brain. I’ve noticed a lot of people mention sensory processing issues and I always equated it to touch, not liking the feel or texture of something and I don’t have that. It wasn’t until this week when I realized that SPD covers all the senses (duh) and it made me think. I am horrible at spatial reasoning, I have no clue if the desk I want to move will fit through the doorway in front of me or not, I can’t play or am horrible at most video games that also require spatial ability and hand eye coordination and I’m super clumsy. I also get really bad motion sickness. Does anyone else struggle with this? Does this sound like some sort of vision related processing issues? And if so, is there any point in bringing it up with a doctor or anything really to help?",0 Who here has realized how great aspergers is for society but thinks/feels like we are often exploited for our talents/knowledge? I don’t even understand why you would want a friend when they tend to use you without any sort of reciprocal relationship,3 "On Nov 18, 2021, at 10:18 AM, flipmcf wrote: I’m sorry for the last minute notice, but things exploded this morning. I need a day to get my mind and life back in order. PersonA, my sick leave form from last pay period is on Supevisor’s desk in his office. Can you or someone please get it to MispelledNameOfDirector for a signature? Thanks! Sorry to be inconvenient. Sent from my iPhone ————— On Nov 18, 2021, at 10:22 AM, flipmcf wrote: I meant DirectorsName not MispelledDirectorsName ( Little things like this are extreme events in my mind today that require capital punishment. I am taking a day to breath ) Sent from my iPhone —— Both manager and director emailed me back saying it’s ok and don’t worry and thanks for letting us know. I hope everyone could be as lucky as I am. I’m going to have 10 years of employment at this place come December. I’m misty-eyed in gratitude right now. It’s a small bright light in the middle of an explosion right now. I needed a positive message to focus on.",0 "I'm getting married in May next year. I've done the wedding dress shopping thing. 1st 2 shops were a disaster and left me really deflated. The 3rd shop I go into and try on about 30 dresses. Funnily enough the 1st one gave me my bridal feeling. But I'm aware of my 'impulsiveness' so I kept my mouth shut about it being 'the dress'. I tried on others and liked about 2. But the 1st one I knew was it. Then we go to the 2nd shop and I try on another 15 dresses. Only 1 left me with a nice feeling. It's classically better for my 'body' as it stands currently. (Classic bride shedding pounds so the little flaws in dress 1 won't be an issue, they're not even really much of an issue now) Anyway I've had 3 weeks to think about it and decided on dress one. But according to my mother I'm being impulsive and it was the 1st dress I tried on and need to try on more in other shops. Also I didn't say to her it was the one. (I explained why) But I'm met with well it's expensive and I want you to try on more before making a decision. Like I've tried on 45-50 dresses already. I don't feel like I'm being that impulsive. But she's paying for it so I can't dismiss her want to try on other dresses but I feel like my opinions and wants are being completely dismissed. I said I didn't want to try on any more just to be a people pleaser to which she responded ""never once in your entire life have you ever done anything to please anyone else but yourself"". Which a total lie because I do it all the time. Just not as often when I lived at home at like 18. Now I'm 32 and it's all being dismissed. And I just feel like my ADHD is being used against me and I just wanted to vent. Like for God sake can I not have an opinion because I have adhd?? Fuck off.",0 "I broke up with my first serious girlfriend a few weeks ago and felt really relieved after. I had rocd throughout the relationship but we broke up for other reasons. I actually felt like i had a decent handle on the rocd while in the relationship for the most part, some days were horrible for me though. But I left things with me and her unfinished afterward, I'm realizing that was a mistake now. Basically, we agreed to try and be friends, but that was weird so i messaged her to have no contact for a month or so and then reconnect and reassess. But since not talking to her I've decided that i don't want to be her friend, it's too hard and I don't see how it could work as we don't have much in common other than our attraction to each other. The problem is that she has some of my stuff that I need back, and I have a few things of hers. The anxiety and dread I feel when I think about her at all, or see anything that reminds me of her is overwhelming and becoming unbearable. I avoid looking at the things I have of hers, things she gave me, and I avoid a whole city because I feel like I'm going to vomit when I think about her at all and I can't imagine what seeing her would do to me. I finally messaged her tonight after not being able to stop ruminating about everything for days and asked to meet up and give our stuff back to each other. But I want to be able to date again and not have this happen?? I don't see how I could ever be with someone if this is how I am in relationships. Has anyone else dealt with anything like this and have any recommendations on how to deal?",1 "I've kind of spoken about this before but this time I've thought about it and uncovered more and I like bringing this up cause it still is something I like to discuss. It's about how the world makes no fucking sense whatsoever with how people behave. Everywhere I go I'm either surrounded by people who make me look like the most well behaved guy in the world and other times I'm with people who make me feel pure evil. I hate either side because I seem to suffer while others get away. To help you get an idea of this... I've been with many groups of people my age through the years such as in school and university. I've seen many, many of these people (who I'm either friends with or not) do the following as free as birds: 1. Get drunk 2. Smoke 3. Say they'll get high and tell me they'll help me do it even though I have no plan to 4. Party loud 5. Make dirty remarks at each other or call each other nicknames like bitch on social media or real life 6. Break rules, such as smoking in a no smoking area 7. Discriminate against certain groups of people intentionally or not 8. Say stuff like ""kill me,"" or ""I'd commit suicide,"" when talking about having too much work 9. Criticize me 10. Say dark humor On the other hand, I've been told by many that I will get jailed, will get punched, will die young, lose or not make friends, never make a girlfriend, never get a job, never get anywhere in life and be banned from travelling to the USA because: 1. I message friends politely asking to socialize 2. I try to talk to people to make friends 3. I have crushes on girls 4. I said ""fuck Trump,"" online and other swear words on social media 5. Asking people what they've been doing in life and being told I'm invading their privacy or trying to help people in distress 6. Having long nails despite being a guy 7. Not shaving cause I'm too busy with other stuff in life 8. Saying anything remotely suicidal or at least say I'm feeling depressed when feeling really down 9. Criticize people 10. Never having a job (some employers will throw out a cv if it isn't updated someone told me, as if I'd want to be employed by such an arsehole) at 22 because I'm a uni student who already has enough shit to deal with 11. Say the teeniest tiniest offensive thing by accident 12. Barely responding when someone says good morning or please and thank you cause I feel kind of uneasy in being too polite and just maybe saying a low quiet hi or thanks 13. Saying dark humor 14. Enjoying soft drinks 15. Feeling anxious about talking to certain people or travelling to places I'm unfamiliar with",3 "Hello, I've recently been looking through the symptoms for inattentive ADHD and I feel a lot of them happen regularly. The only thing is, I dont remember much about my childhood and what I do remember doesn't relate a lot to the stuff I'm dealing with right now. I have some examples and I'd like to go see a doctor but I'd like to do it on my own. I dont want to talk to my family about it yet but I'm also not sure if a doctor would need somebody elses input on my childhood. I'm also scared that I'm going to get there and they're going to tell me all my concerns are for nothing and I'm completely wrong. I feel like it explains a lot but what if im just wrong. I just want to know when getting a diagnosis, is it ok to not bring anyone along even if you don't remember a lot?",0 "I think I might have OCD. I don't want to self diagnose here because I know it can be tricky, I want to get professionaly evaluated and get a therapy and/ or medication. Whatever it is that I need to do to feel better as it is slowly ruining my life. How do I do it in the UK? NHS is so overwhelmed right now and I've been actually awaiting a call back from mental health services since September. What does the process look like etc?",1 "Hello everyone I think you understand my problem from the title. I can't get out, meet friends, do fun and useful things until I finish that book, project, class, be fit, whatever the frick. How can I get rid of this terrible OCD and get to parcel my life out wisely? It's getting out of hand and destroying my life.",1 "Want to hear about the latest Obsessive Compulsive disorder research from Yale specialists? Willing to consider brain scans (MRI) or cognitive testing? **We offer paid research.** For more information, please call 203-376-2035 or go to [www.ocd.yale.edu](http://www.ocd.yale.edu). All information is held confidential. HIC # 0803003626 The Yale OCD Research Clinic - *A national and regional leader, advancing knowledge and providing quality clinical care of Obsessive – Compulsive Disorder since 1985.* ​ https://preview.redd.it/hvn3iz1nxqg71.png?width=516&format=png&auto=webp&s=3bc0c8d2cf6e9e908e298bdc28fc8e53f03041f4",1 "I almost wanna make a vent post about it somewhere but I'm kind of afraid to. I've never even posted here before because I've been afraid to. I was diagnosed a few months back. So hi! Edit: voice typing sucks at typing.",3 "I'm a type 1 diabetic and I just tried killing myself by taking 120 units of insulin. I couldn't handle it and, weak as shit, I fell off of my bed and starting binge eating chips to push my blood sugar up enough to stand up and force disgustingly sweet shit down my throat. I feel like shit and I'm pretty sure at least one of my organs will fail. I'm such a fuck up",2 "I recently found out from my boyfriend that he knows to wake me up from a nightmare because I spasm really badly. I didn't start remembering when I work up with spasms until he told me. My nightmares have also started getting worse and I don't even feel comfortable sleeping during the day anymore.",3 "A few months ago a coworker (43m) triggered a really bad panic attack. I am 27f. He was being pushy but I know he didn't want to hurt me and that my reaction was way over the top. I don't know how to be his friend anymore. Sometimes I feel like it was just my PTSD and he didn't hurt me and had no intentions to. But other times I'm scared of him again. And then other times I'm just totally embarrassed about how I acted. I know he's probably confused. Had anyone else experienced this? How do you handle relationships that have triggered you? I don't know how to know if my reaction was valid or not too",3 "For me, i have found that rock and metal music has provided a vehicle to understand my feelings when i couldnt. For a large part of my life it was telling me how i felt without me knowing, and now looking back some things make so much sense - the anger / the frustration / the pain. in that light, the deaths of Chris cornell (soundgarden) and Chester Bennington (Linkin Park) a few years back really triggered me.....and if i look back at my musical interests, they really speak to my emotions just sharing, and maybe its not just this type of music for all, as i have non rock that gets under my skin but this stuff gets there more thoughts?",3 "Hi I’m a 20F who just upped her adderall IR prescription to 15mg from 10mg. Since then when it comes time for it to start wearing off I get these excruciating headaches. I can’t even call them headaches they’re more like migraines. I can’t look at any light or hear too much noise and I get so nauseous. From the time I take it starts wearing off around 6pm basically half the day and I’m down and out and can’t do anything cause of the headache. I have to take a Tylenol and immediately go to bed. Besides that symptom the adderall works so perfectly so I really don’t want to stop taking it I’m finally able to function and be a person but if I have to deal with migraines everyday it’s gonna be so taxing to take it. Any advice? Is this normal?",0 "I got diagnosed 3 almost 4 years ago now. It's been a crazy ride as I've read people say, but it's really down to this forum and you guys. This place is the antithesis to the usual bile and venom you see on social media. This place, you guys, are the most supportive group of people on the planet. A very human need amongst being fed and staying warm, is 'being seen' and 'being understood'. I've craved being understood my whole life, and never got it. Until I came here. Finding this forum was like finding my home. My neurotypical friend always told me: ""You need to find your peers"", and I always thought to myself ""Who the hell are my peers?"". I couldn't think of a single person I felt I could relate to in a real way my whole life. Until I came here. You helped me find myself, and I will carry the torch forward to help enlighten other people about their true beautiful nature. Love you all.",3 "So basically, 7 years ago I had a really really bad weed induced panic attack, where I pretty much tripped out. I was 15 at the time- a few days later I entered an 8 month severe depression, I didn’t have the knowledge of mental health, and thought I was going to be stuck with depression for life and end up killing self. I had some short (one month or less) blips being quite severe. And then one day day out of the blue I had a *switch/ flashback where I entered the emotional state that began my first one, I entered the most severe 3 month depression which nearly ended my life and involved multiple “flashbacks” which took me back to a very dark emotional place. From this I went straight into an intense university course and pushed through, upped my meds, got therapy, But now and again I get the doom feeling and for me it’s not just a flashback that could come, I can acc slip back into horrible manic depression from a flashback. So I do have to fight or avoid them. Does anyone have this switch?",3 https://www.reddit.com/r/AutisticAdults/comments/mjfs0o/functioning_quite_okay_as_a_recently_official/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share,3 "Hey all. I'm illy, I've been actively transitioning medically for just about 2 years now, my first dose of spiro and estrogen were on Dec. 21st 2019. I've been struggling for months or years beyond with suicidal thoughts, and I am so concerned that I am getting closer to the edge. A bit about me, I have lived a pretty rough life. I grew up in a broken family, just like so many other kids, and one with a highly queerphobic father. He used to tell me stories about how proud he was growing up in the 60's beating up gay folk for being gay. We never had a lot of money for things that we wanted, we had a lot of things that HE wanted, like the hockey gear that he bought so that he could make me be a goaltender, but when it came to pursuing my own interests it was always short on change. Growing up was rough, we moved every few years so he could dodge his income taxes a bit longer. I never really set down roots or understood how to make a lasting friend. I didn't know I was trans for a really really long time. I was 26 (Late 2016) when I first started questioning why I never felt like I looked right, and through various throwaways and therapy I came to my ultimate conclusion. By this point I had already gotten with the person I thought I was going to be with forever, and we had a lovely little family with two children that I was providing for. One hers, and one ours. Revealing that I am who I am, and how I am, broke our family. Within a year or so, our relationship fell apart, she split (late 2017, early 2018) and separated me from the eldest child who I had raised from birth with her, as he went to live with his other biological parent. I was left, alone, with my girl and my grief. When I think back, this is the moment I never seem to be able to get over. Therapy helped stem the bleeding, but I've never really healed. How could I when I've lost a child? For a while I managed to keep it together and kept working my job, I was in a really well paying secure position with an aluminum smelter, but my anxiety at not being my authentic self drove me to leave both that position and my hometown in attempt to pursue my truth. The intervening years, barring my transition, have been hell. I left my hometown in April of 2019, and by the end of November of 2019 I was finding myself in a position where I wasn't going to be able to comfortably or even basically provide for my daughter. At that time my ex had moved on and moved together to the city we were living in with her new partner, and they were in a financial / life position that was going to be better for the wee one. I made the decision at that time to send my girl to live with her mother, so that I could get back on my feet and get my transition stuff started. I needed to live authentically. Well. Covid happened. I wasn't able to find work for approximately 18 months during the pandemic, stuff having been shut down as it was and leading into my inability to work positions similar to what I had worked up to at that point in my life, I was stuck. During this period of my life, being down without my children, without my love, starving and clinging desperately to the fact that ""at least I was medically transitioning"" has probably been the hardest of my life. I seriously contemplated my death a few times during this period, I even called the suicide hotline a couple times and I was left on hold. My best friend pulled me out of my rut during this period a few times just enough to dust me off and keep me moving, even just a little. During this period I have been also waiting on surgical assessments for my bottom surgery, since in Canada (specifically BC) we have a lengthy waiting process in order to qualify for covered gender affirming surgeries. Then, an opportunity. I got a call for a job offer in a new sector back in my home town, at a good rate of pay with lots of overtime opportunity. I finally felt like maybe the cards were turning around at this point. Maybe, just maybe, I could get back home and put my hustle back on so I could prepare a place to have my girl home with me again. I finally got the paperwork and assessments put through so I could go for my surgery. I finally think, ""here we are, we did it, it's all coming together"". I just got the news that it's going to be several more months to years of waiting before I am likely to get in for my surgery. I found out that my income vs debt won't allow me to get any form of mortgage. Rentals are far, far too expensive for any single income to afford here. I just faced down a brutal abuse by a guy I thought was going to be my partner, he led me on for months until we finally were intimate, just to turn around and say ""I want this to be a secret, I have a woman I am interested in making my wife and I don't want anything to mess that up."" I made an impulsive decision to order a bunch of computer parts for a much needed upgrade, and the delays on the shipping on them all have me so beyond hope they will ever actually show up that it feels like I just spent $1500 for nothing. I am drowning. I am suffocating. I am back in this small northern BC town away from my best friend in this world, I still don't have my daughter home, I don't know that I ever will, and I feel so hopeless. I no longer want to live. I don't want to die, I could never do that to my baby, but I do not want to live. I am constantly hounded by my ever present gender dysphoria. I need my surgery to help, I want to feel right, and nothing is working out. I have no family support. I am scared that I am going to finally break through that final line and just end it all. That thought terrifies me because I don't know how much more of this life I can take, before the thought of hurting my girl by hurting myself is no longer enough to keep me here. I need help, and it feels like nobody can help me.",2 "Has anyone ever experienced multiple sexual thoughts with girls or guys every day while in a relationship? or like get these weird comments on people that you’ve never made before on them? I experience a lot of sexual thoughts with people I encounter daily, it’s draining and uncomfortable and a friend believes that I was lying about them and that I truly wanted these thoughts and these sexual activities with people .",1 "I have been having EMDR over a couple of years due to something in my past. I'm now working through some of the tougher aspects of what happened to me, and I've started experiencing very strong physical reactions during EMDR treatment (strained muscles, extreme nausea). After these sessions I've found it difficult to relax again afterwards, and often can't for several days. I know that what I am covering with my therapist is important for me to deal with for me long term and work through but I am finding it really tough. I was wondering if anyone had any experience with physical reactions to EMDR or how they relax again after therapy appointments?",3 "I don’t if anyone is going to read this but here it goes You know that feeling when you meet someone and their energy is very heavy. I fell in love with someone like that. This person suffers from depression, bipolar disorder and has been to rehab, attempted suicide around three times and he is just very heavy. I didn’t mind. I’ve lived in a bubble of privilege all of my life compared to him. But ever since I met him —not because did— My energy has been getting heavier. I truly feel without any purpose and my thoughts consume and overwhelm me. I love this person. I am very sure this feeling is not good for me but I just do. And I’m very afraid this feeling for him is making me slowly as heavy. I don’t want that. I want to feel like my life has purpose. I don’t know what will happen to me bit for anyone out there reading this dealing with depression, I send you so much love. I know it’s not easy but hopefully it’ll get better, right? <3 PS: english is only my second language so excuse any mistakes",2 "Basically my obsessions are revolving about the sensations of existing. I obsess over the thoughts of good and evil, happiness and sadness, etc. and if they actually exist or not. I tend to stop myself during emotional moments and try to pinpoint what emotions actually are, making it hard to properly experience anything. Obviously I wish this didn’t happen, but something in my head makes me feel like I “need” to be aware of this stuff, because if not I’d be going through life as a robot or something. How can I make it so I don’t feel like I need to obsess over things?",1 "I have crippling adhd and always have, I was diagnosed at 10. Every day of my life and every facet is a struggle in some way as many people on here know. My job, that I still love, is also incredibly difficult for me over long periods of time as I get burnt out from doing it every day, but I still do it and I do it well but it took a lot of practice and is probably one of the biggest reasons I wanted adhd meds. To do this my provider wanted me to get retested to confirm I have adhd and what severity it is to see how much medication I’ll need. So I get my appointment scheduled and when I go there the other day the guy is nice and he just starts off by asking me questions about my history and my adhd and stuff like that. He asks me what my job is and we talk about it for a while and then he tells me what I will need to do for the test. It’s a game where you have to pay attention to this white box that will flash on screen and I have to press a button fast if there was a black box on the top of the white box but not if it’s on the bottom and I have to do this for 20 minutes. Next will be a game where I have to listen to two tones and I have to press the button fast if it’s the higher tone but not if it’s the lower tone again for 20 minutes. I work as a game tester for a shooter game full time. It’s all I do 11 hours a day, 4-5 days a week and besides that I also play games constantly in my free time. Doing those two tests is literally the exact same as my job! You have to notice small differences or anything that could be wrong even if it was just for a millisecond in the middle of complete chaos and you have to have fast reaction times. When we were done he even remarked that my reaction time was one of the fastest he’s seen because of course it is it’s by job and my hobby to have a super fast reaction time. At the end he tells me that I scored just high enough for it to count as having compulsive type but not inattentive because of course not if I did those things while at work I would not have a job anymore, instead my job is just super difficult for me everyday, that’s why I came here! Everyone I told couldn’t believe it as anyone who’s met me can tell I have adhd. My gf was so pissed, probably more then me. I just can’t believe that they don’t have a test for people with adhd who are gamers! If anyone here knows of a test I can recommend to my medication provider to have a more accurate measurement let me know and I’d also love to know if anyone else has run into this problem. TL/DR: ADHD test was a game where you have to sit and notice small differences and react quickly repetitively. I work as a game tester. I just barely got a score high enough for compulsive adhd, despite everyone who knows me knowing I have extreme adhd.",0 "Hi everyone! I guess I'm looking for advice on what to do, I'm in a pretty frustrating situation. I had my first appointment with a psychiatrist today and after 1,5 hours og me telling my life story and her asking random questions she tells me she thinks I might have a small depression, and she won't even attempt to test me for ADHD before I've been treated for a depression. She told me she largely based this on the fact that I wasn't an unruly kid (I told her several times it was because I was so insecure and scared of everything that I was too afraid to ever make noise in class, but that doesn't mean I didn't have trouble playing attention in class or focusing) and I couldn't list all the ADHD symptoms I have off the top of my head, even though I told her I actually took a test my doctor gave me and pretty much everything resonated with me. I just need to hear the questions and I'll obviously know if its something I'm experiencing or not - I just can't remember all the symptoms without anything written down, especially because I get a kind of stage fright when people ""put me on trial"" for thinking I have ADHD (which has happened a lot). I actually talked to my regular doctor 2 weeks back because I suspected I had a depression, and they told me they really don't think I do, they think I'm in a bad place because I've got a lot of stuff going on. They believe I do have ADHD, and not knowing for sure is essentially what is causing the depression symptoms, because not knowing is what is stressing me out. I kinda got an off vibe from her from the beginning, not in the sense that she's a bad doctor, but right off the bat I felt like she didn't understand what I was saying, and I felt weird the whole time I was there. I'm crying my eyes out in the car right now because I waited so long for this appointment and she told me I have to be on anti-depression meds for at least 4 weeks before she'll even meet with me again or consider doing the test. Should I just take the meds and try to see her again in 4-6 weeks or should I find a different psychiatrist? TLDR: Met my psychiatrist for the first time today and she told me she won't even consider testing me for ADHD before I've been on antidepressants for at least 4 weeks. My regular doctor and myself believe my depression symptoms come from not knowing whether or not I have ADHD. Should I find a new psyc or just take the pills like she wants?",0 "I've struggled with my mental health for the past 4-5 years and have dealt with suicidal thoughts, sh, reckless behavior, low self esteem, disordered eating, sleep issues, emotional outbursts, and easily become irritable on occasions. These things would work together and wear me down mentally and emotionally and cause me to isolate myself because I was either too drained to socialize or I was worried that I would get irritable and say something that would hinder my relationships. At my lowest, I was always arguing with my mom, in a relationship with a toxic guy, my thighs and arm were covered in cuts, and I had a plan to off myself and was on the verge of doing it before I ended up breaking down in tears, unable to go through with it. It's been 6 months since my atl and I've felt better, but still struggle with thoughts of not wanting to exist, still cut on occasion, have close to no appetite most days, immediately feel exhausted after waking up, struggle to focus on things, and have been struggling to attend classes and complete work for university. I recently saw my doctor and talked to them about my mental health issues and concerns and they put me on medication for my depression and recommended that I speak to a counselor, and so I've also been seeing a counselor at my university. I feel like my problems aren't bad enough to need to be on medication or be seeing a counselor though, especially considering I've been able to deal with it on my own for this long. And sometimes my mood is significantly higher where I'm more bubbly than usual, get excited over simple things, and feel relatively okay. It feels like I'm just making it up and faking that I'm being depressed when I can feel such a large amount of positive emotions after going weeks or months feeling completely hopeless. Am I really depressed or am I just being dramatic? Is it normal to feel this way?",2 "Im a 25 year old chemistry undergrad who's struggling atm. I've always done bad at school growing up, and failed alot of times throughout, and even got kicked out for a semester after failing all my courses in my first year. I am not that social, except going out with my 2 close friends to play basketball with their friends, but I much prefer staying locked in my room and just try to learn what I'm studying, specifically my chemistry program. I've recently developed this crazy desire just to learn and do well in school but just cant sit down and focus. And whenever I think how much I've failed throughout the years I lose confidence and give up sometimes. Idc about having alot of friends, nor cared much about the way I look, but I just feel like I want to stay by myself, sit down at my desk and just study like crazy. But at the same time I cant even sit down for atleast 20 mins to do it. There are alot of times where I'll get up and start thinking of completely random thoughts, get a major adrenaline rush and start flapping my hands, and then completely do something else and come back to study much later. I do this everyday ever since as a kid and whenever I'm alone. It's like I'm struggling between 2 extremes and it's gotten to a point where idek how to solve this. I'm still trying to finish my undergrad at this point. Havent officially been diagnosed with aspergers but I feel I can relate to a handful of symptoms. I truly think my love for learning is not there because I hated the way I had to learn in school and wanted to learn my own fun way. I never liked studying hard to begin with but I understand that has to change and I'm trying my best. So does anyone have any tips on how I can handle this? Even some study tips? I'd greatly appreciate the help.",3 "Happy almost Turkey Day. So I have a question for all my ADHD friends out there. Previously I was on 20mg Lexapro with 10mg of D-amphetamine. Unfortunately for the last year, I watched as these drugs affected my behavior negativity. I was very irritated by the littlest thing, impulse control was out the window especially with anger and emotion. I got in an altercation which the next day I made the choice to check myself into the psych ward. Was there for 11 days, got off those two drugs as well as being sober. Fast forward to now, doctor put me on Wellbutrin. I am not sure if its working as of yet fully as I have only been on it for 16 days. I want to be able to focus for work as well as be able to have impulse control and not sure what I should have the doctor recommend for that. What has worked for those with similar issues.",0 "I mean I personally study lots of things in my free time that involve pre-history, history, and politics and I get kinda annoyed when people constantly seem to ask me for answers to questions they have when they can just look it up themselves. It makes me see them as hypocritical because they accuse me of being “lazy” just because I sit down a lot and read things. Yet they cannot just research something by themselves and need me to do it for them? Do you find this annoying personally?",3 "I know these thoughts are a trap but I just can't help feeling ""Why am I so affected right now I should be better now"" And ""Other victims have experienced worse and coped better and live the beautiful life they made"" Also feel ridiculous how often I cry.",3 "hi, i'm not sure if anyone can relate and know how to get out this. I've been on meds for 4 years now. But recent months I've been losing focus and not being able to remember things and concentrate to do things. I lose motivation and interest when doing work. I care about the work but its just not as interesting. I was off on holiday for the last few weeks and I'm back and I feel lost when working. Without the support of my girlfriend pushing me to do things i'd just have nothing to do and sit down. I just don't have the concentration needed and my mind is elsewhere. I forget things in life, work, etc... I have to keep a diary to just keep me sane as I'm not able to remember things.",2 "I used to be scrawny but am now overweight. Call it age catching up, beginning antidepressants for the first time and switching which ones like 4x, or just plain old bad habits. I have also left behind the toxic religion I was born into. I am now separated from my wife. I ended up in the psychiatric hospital for a week because I was a lot more suicidal than normal. Looking back I can't believe I made it to 25 before realizing I needed to get help. I always thought I am just less than everyone else and that is why I struggle so much to get by. I didn't even realize there were words for these things I struggled with, like anxiety, depression, sensory overload, or even autism. I heard other people use those words but never made the connection that the things I struggle with constantly are the same things other people talk about using those words. I am not sure what the disconnect was about, now it seems so obvious. Some wtf things that I am trying to learn to let go that I have thought about through this whole process- * Soooo many teachers told my parents some variation of: ""he is so good, but I am worried because he never talks."" Yet no one thought to send me to a therapist, or even a school counselor? I guess my parents were just glad I wasn't getting in trouble like a lot of my siblings (there are more than 10 of us...) * When I was in high school my mom was dying, and my only sibling living at home saw the school counselor weekly, and I never was even presented with the option. (they went to the same high school, were assigned to the same counselor since it was by last name). You would think the counselor, once made aware that a student's parent was dying and meeting weekly because of it, would reach out to their brother? At least once to check in? They probably didn't know they had a brother at the school but seems like that shouldn't fall through the cracks. Or maybe because I was a good student they didn't think I needed help? * Religious leaders told me that I have trouble communicating because I think about myself and not about others. I went on a 2 year religious mission which was hell. If only they could actually talk to god like they say they can, or at least to therapists to know maybe people that struggle could use some help not eternal guilt trips because of fundamental differences. I learned a foreign language and a love for a new country, but I feel like a part of me died that I have never recovered from that mission experience. * Also. My old religion that pushed me into marriage and kids. Bad. I was dumb and obedient and married quick and had a kid quick (I never asked anyone out once, my wife asked me, as did 3 others before that over the years. The only second date I went have ever been on is with my wife). That started this whole thing where I have been one constant mental breakdown for the last few years. I just can't handle being a husband, father, and full time job. At least not without a whole lot of therapy and changes FIRST and even then it would be tough. I should definitely have resolved a lot of things before getting married or having a kid. I was dumb. At least seeing a therapist once before marriage might have been a good idea. But I was literally taught that marriage and kids was my purpose in life, and the only way to be happy. And that god would help me. And that who you marry isn't as important as them being righteous. Spoiler- no help came no matter how hard I tried. My ""weaknesses"" never turned into strengths. * But here I am can't change the past. I love my child but how can I be a good dad if I am on the verge of a complete mental breakdown their whole life? I can at least provide what my parents never did for me, access to therapy and a lot of one on one time and love. But I fear I will never live up to the father that I feel that I should be. * The neuropsychologist that I went to that I thought was doing an autism evaluation that dismissed the idea in the first 10 minutes and every question I asked they had an answer like ""you said you felt anxious, that shows you have insight into yourself that indicates you don't have autism."" ""you wrote this organized 10 page paper (about reasons I thought I might have autism) that shows organization someone with autism wouldn't have."" And other weird nonsense. Also they listed scores in my report for something called the purdue pegboard. I looked it up right after and it is literally a board. A board I had never seen before in my life, and am sure they didn't use with me. * But the worst bit is I SPECIFICALLY went there asking ""do you do autism evaluations for adults"" and $900 and like 7 hours of my day later (plus months of waiting), THEY DIDN'T EVEN EVALUATE ME FOR AUTISM. I am still pissed. They wrote a 15 page report and didn't mention autism even once, when that is why I was there! They said in their report that I was there because I believe that I have ""underlying neuropsychological defects"". I promise you I never said that. I don't even know what that means, but it doesn't sound like Autism. What I did say is that I want an autism evaluation because I think it might explain my life. They kept saying ""you're not a potato, you are really smart but anxiety makes it hard to function."" I never said I am a potato, or that I think I have ""neuropsychological defects"". I said I want an autism evaluation. The more I think about it the angrier I get so I should stop there. * I also had a psychiatrist, when I mentioned I was seeking autism evaluation, say- ""Well you said you wish you knew how to make friends. So I don't think autism is likely. People with autism don't want friends and are fine just being alone"" At least he had the decency to follow that up with ""I am not an expert on autism though so go for it if you want"" It is just surprising to me how many mental health professionals have convoluted views on autism. Like 30 minutes on google would do them some good I think, so they can at least not pass out false overgeneralized information. * I think my child is autistic. We are meeting a specialist now and they think we should continue to pursue the idea based on everything so far. At the very least I am pretty sure that they are not neurotypical. * Thanks to everyone on here for being supportive. When I met with the neuropsychologist I thought I was going crazy, because I was thinking I had autism but they were so sure I did not. You were all welcoming even when I posted from the angle of believing what that neuropsychologist said so I talked as is autism was not likely, since that is what I was trying to make myself believe since I didn't want to ignore the ""expert"" opinion and rely on my googling. Turns out my googling was right and I was not talking to an expert in autism. I am glad I finally found one.",3 "Tell me the cool things that you want to tell everyone but can’t for whatever reason. Could be about a movie or game your really into that no one else really knows about, whatever. I’ll try and listen/respond to everything. I’ll even start I play Stellaris, a grand strategy space game. They recently just released a new DLC and I’m loving it! It’s all water/pirate themed, it adds a new advisor voice that’s a pirate captain! I don’t have friends that play Stellaris but maybe someone else here does and can share my excitement for it. Even if no body else knows what we’re talking about it feels nice to get it out :)",0 im selfish but i find any bad thing i could do that would apparently benefit me as something actually bad for me. being a good person is a win win for everyone,3 "I realize that I find it somewhat hard to switch between types of tasks (like I can go from cleaning the bathroom to cleaning my room easy, but switching from cleaning to homework or leaving the house is hard). I often use my phone as a buffer—either mindless scrolling or doing helpful but not urgent “mini-tasks.” I also lose a lot of time because of this because I end up in “standby mode” where I’m waiting to do A Thing at A Time and the anticipation keeps me stalled.",0 Does anybody else get these “attacks” where suddenly you kind of feel dissociated and it almost feels like every noise around you is shouting at you. I don’t really know how to explain it. It also feels really weird when I talk out loud during these episodes and I know what I’m saying but it doesn’t really feel like I’m saying it. Almost like an out of body experience. It kind of just doesn’t feel like real life. Sometimes it’s triggered by certain noises but sometimes it seems to come out of nowhere.,3 "i have to go see my father again to get a new phone since i’m on his phone plan. i haven’t been able to stop feeling sick all day. i’m shaking. i think i’m going to vomit. i want to hold on to my boyfriend and cry but he’s in a different state and can’t come over. i already vomited once. either i need a drink or i need to find a way to do this without him coming with me.",3 Living with uncertainty is truly terrifying and really stops you from living your life. It’s so hard to go on each day.,1 "Hi, im kinda feeling a bit depressed. I mean maybe not depressed, just sad ? I came write here because i didnt know where else to go, and just felt like writing for someone to hear and resonate, maybe help me out a bit if possible hahah so im 18 yo, moved to a big city for college 2 months ago and you know its been quite difficult. First of all i always have had many many doubts about my future, i dont really see the purpose of going to college to study something really hard and that you dont even like that much and feel anxious, stressed, sad, depressed all for what? Gaining more cash later? I dont know if thats a lifestyle i want for myself. But yeah my family pressured me a lot to come to university, as they do normally for many other matters. So im here studying, and having awful grades because this is really hard and i prioritize my mental health so i study quite a bit but im not gonna drown myself in math and equations and Numbers. Adding to this, i dont have many friends here, so i spend a lot of time alone. I love being Alone but it is really important to have good friends around. I dont really like the people in my class, besides they mistreat me a lot. But im only talking about the negative. There are a lot of wonderfull things as well. Dont know if its supposed to tell you right now about the positive since this is getting long and i mean im just spilling my life over here and you probably dont care so i dont know maybe im just gonna go hahah",2 "My boyfriend has Aspergers so it makes it hard for me to communicate my thoughts and feelings towards a situation to him in a way that doesn’t seem like a personal attack against him. Because when he gets overwhelmed he tends to raise his voice and I have ptsd from my parents yelling all the time If anyone has advice on how I should be communicating with him in a way that doesn’t make him feel unsafe please let me know if appreciate it Because we really do love each other but it gets hard sometimes because I’ve never been around anyone who has Aspergers (unless I have been but they didn’t say) let alone been in a relationship with someone with it! And I no longer want to be ignorant towards his situation and I need to educate myself on how to handle this situation properly!",3 "Hello, everyone! This is my first post here and I was recently diagnosed with ADHD (specifically the inattentive type), social anxiety, and chronic depression. I am a 29-year-old father of 3 (one of whom is deaf), a full-time college student, and a partner to someone that has a sometimes debilitating autoimmune issues. This makes life rather stressful and after being diagnosed and doing some research, I realize how my ADHD has been affecting me this whole time. I have been waiting for a medication eval for about two weeks now and I have not received a call. I just had an appointment with my doctor who informed me that his nurses have had some days off which is why I hadn’t heard from them. With all that said, what do you guys do to cope? How do you all try sleep better? How do you find motivation to do the things that need to be done? The added layers of stress definitely don’t help me but I’m wondering what I can personally be doing to maybe feel better until I can see how medication can help to regulate things. I’m new to all of this and any advice would be helpful. Thanks in advance!",0 "South Carolina, Anthem Healthy Savings Choice Plan, $3,500 deductible. I used the membership card my psychiatrist gave me to get a free 30 day trial of 30mg Vyvanse. He told me to hold onto the card and use it again to pay $30/month when I get a refill if I decided to stick with it. The price was $350, with the card it dropped to $260 for the 2nd month. If I were to get this refilled every month, I would almost hit the deductible in a year, not taking into account the visits to the offices. Even then, my Mother who is also on Vyvanse and the same insurance still pays the same after reaching her deductible. What are my options? Changing our insurance plan isn’t an option. I’ve tried generic medications and they cause more side effects than I care for and didn’t help my ADHD in the slightest.",0 "Instructions for parents of asd kids say that I should teach my child to play. I can't play. I just can't. The play just won't come out. I can't explain it. I can only play games with rules. Tossing stuff to a bucket is the best way to play that I've been cabable to teach him. 😔 He is 2 yo. Help!",3 "I’ve been having a hell of a time at work lately. Yesterday, I yet again wasted hours doing something the wrong way. Which resulted in me feeling like such shit about myself when my boss finally told me. And as you all know, when we feel like shit about ourselves, that can reach a dangerous emotional peak. I experience hardcore emotional dysregulation so this resulted in me being even more unable to focus on my work and I hid in the bathroom for 10 minutes and cried and wanted to do self harm. What do you all do when you feel this way? Is there anything you tell yourself while you’re feeling like the biggest piece of shit in the world? Any mantras or practices for in the moment self hatred? Ps. Sorry but fuck the 300 character rule.",0 some people don't understand they say these is stupid just live a normal life like bitch u try living with ocd,1 "TW: unwanted sexual advances My birthday is coming up, and unfortunately it's one of my triggers. Two years ago at my birthday party, a trusted friend of mine made unwanted sexual advances while I was extremely drunk. (At my apartment, after my other friend went home, and while I was essentially passed out). This was doubly traumatic for me because it brought up a lot of feelings around my experiences of childhood sexual abuse, also from someone I cared about and trusted (the childhood stuff is also what caused my ""original"" PTSD). Anyway, the closer it gets to my birthday, the higher my anxiety gets, and the more I find myself thinking about what happened two years ago. And it makes me really mad, and I feel ""stupid"" for having this association with my birthday, and for ""letting"" it continue to be a thing for me two years later. My boyfriend is planning a vacation for the two of us for my birthday, and I feel super detached from that so far and I hope I'll be able to have a good time when the time comes. One of my friends asked me a couple days ago if I'm planning on doing anything with friends and I told her probably not. I basically want to ignore the hell out of my birthday and pretend it doesn't exist. But it's on my mind whether I make plans or not, so that hasn't really been working out very well for me so far. Edit: a word",3 "I am 22F and have always felt like an outcast. I’ve been thinking for a while that I might have autism. I decided I want to get evaluated, but when I told my boyfriend it didn’t go well. He really doesn’t understand why I would want a label, says that I’m not an outcast at all, and that I relate fine to other people. I don’t know how to explain to him why this is important to me, so instead I cried. For a short list: - I’ve always felt like an outsider even with a group of people. Like I’m looking in from the outside and unable to truly connect with them. - I have bad social anxiety, prefer to be alone, and shut down in crowds or groups (get really quiet and just laugh along). I’ve been bullied for these things my whole childhood. - I’ve learned to force eye contact even though it makes me really uncomfortable in most cases. - I have physical repetitive movements especially when nervous, like pushing on my fingernails or tapping. - I’ve always had a very detailed network of imaginary worlds in my head, well into my teenage and adult years. Now as an adult I write those imaginary worlds into stories. - I have very intense phases of interest with specific topics, where I’ll fully immerse in them for some amount of time before completely dropping the interest altogether. - I have very bad sensory overload issues, which make it difficult to go to the store (bright colors, lights, people). Sometimes when I get sensory overload I break down crying, like if there are too many bright lights and sounds going on at once. This is what I’ve been dealing with my whole life, and I’ve always felt like something is wrong with me. No one else really notices the way I struggle because I hide it well. I just want to get evaluated so that I have answers, and I don’t feel like a freak anymore. Can you guys help me figure out how to explain this better to him? I feel really sad that he isn’t understanding it.",3 "Ooh boy. Here we go again, my biannual whining session on this sub. I've been posting this shit since I was 16. Now I'm 24, I guess i have now proven that: no it doesn't get any fucking better. It gets worse and worse and worse and worse. But who am I to complain, me, a useless sack of shit, completely reprehensible pathetic leech. It shouldn't get any better, if you are so useless, so lazy, so cowardly, irresponsible, if you won't lift a fucking finger to change anything. I should suffer, hell, my ""suffering"" isn't half as bad as some people that do everything right and still suffer. in 8 years I haven't done shit to improve my situation. I just sat on my fat ass, ate food, watched movies. Then I tried to get a job, turn my life around, but guess what, turns out having a job is a lot harder than sitting on your ass and leeching off of your parents. I deserve every shitty thing that happened to me, I am the one who made my life into the worst possible timeline. I just won't change, I'm stuck, I'm all the way down. What should I do? Change is impossible, or it is possible but I'm just lazy, either way I'm never going to change. I'm just going to keep getting worse. Doctors, meds? They are fucking useless. Exercise, hobbies, relationships. Been there done that, and guess what, it doesn't fucking help. The only thing that can save me is getting a job, keeping a job, working to support myself. But I just won't fucking do it, so? I deserve to be miserable, I deserve to suffer because I choose to suffer and be miserable. But even getting a job is kind of pointless, they don't make your life better, they don't make you less miserable. But they are good for keeping your head above water, work grounds you in reality, it slows down psychological decay. The longer you stay idle The more fucked up you become, in all honesty, if I was forced to work from young age I think I would be better off now. I kind of blame my parents, first they destroy me mentally by neglect, alcoholism and drug use, but then they let me stay at home forever and soak in my own self pity, they let me hibernate for years. But blaming you parents for your shitty life at 24 years old is pathetic, I know. I'm the one responsible, they just enabled me to do what I wanted. Stay at home, never face the real world, hide in my room like a pathetic little child. And now I'm here, 24, no job, no education, not even a highschool diploma. I my behaviour keeps getting more erratic, I scream when I'm angry, I break shit, there's nothing left to break through. I keep getting dumber everyday, I was never the sharpest tool in the shed anyway, most people always saw me as dumb. Stupid, lazy and mentally ill, that's a fucking recipe for success right there. I'm just waiting for God to kill me now. I hope I'll die before this shit gets even worse, I've seen what it's like, and I don't want to live like that. If anybody read this incoherent rant, thank you for you time! Ps. Sorry for all the grammatical errors and weird punctuation, English is not my first language.",2 "Hello, on Saturday it’s my birthday. My mom is a firm believer in celebrations, including birthdays. I, however, have not wanted a birthday since I turned 12. I was wondering what suggestions you might have as to what I could do? She will not let my have a birthday without some sort of celebration. I’m considering a trip to our local border patrol and archeology museum, or maybe a trip to the zoo. Thanks!",3 "Often I find myself getting completely sucked into my memories, mostly pre trauma ones, and they completely sweep me off my feet for at least a week. For a week all I can do is REMEMBER. I can hardly focus on anything because I'm remembering that time my dad took me to a game when I was 8, or the time I fought with a friend in 6th grade, or literally anything at all that happened to me. Like how in movies a character's dying and their whole life flashes before their eyes, but I'm not dying. I don't mean this as normal reminiscing. I mean I am so sucked into them that I find it hard to socialize and I feel super distant from my friends and reality. It's like part of me gets stuck in those memories for days on end. It's really hard to function normally when this is happening. I never experienced this pre-trauma, and it's such a weird feeling because it's so bittersweet. Even the good memories hurt a bit because I feel so far removed from them. Anyone else?",3 "Every time I consider taking antidepressants, I get so frustrated thinking “Why should I change?” Why can’t life change? Why can’t the things which I know would make life so much more bearable and fun even, come to me? I’m a single mother of four. Family all in another country, and they would not be able to help in any way, shape or form. Nearly four years since I lost my husband to cancer. Nearly two years since the man who promised me the world left me due to “the pressures of lockdown.” I haven’t just sat on my ass this whole time. I have actively sought therapy. It didn’t help. Every week I was just regurgitating the same stuff “I’m lonely, I’m bored, I’m frustrated.” I couldn’t do the traditional things like go out with friends as I didn’t have any that were up for socialising due to the pandemic. I couldn’t go to the places I wanted to because I couldn’t drive. I even called Samaritans four times on one really bad morning and no one picked up. I tried taking Prozac in the summer and it just made me tired and headachey. Since June 2020 I’ve been taking driving lessons and I’ve failed three tests so far. I lost one job and landed in another which I was so excited for at first (as I’d be given the opportunity to train to teach) but now I do not want to teach at all. Too many unpaid hours of working in the evening and weekends and I just can’t do what with my kids. I’m just hanging on to the job because I don’t have the energy to start over again. I’m tired of feeling like a victim. I’m tired of all the responsibilities and no fun. I DO love myself but I’m just frustrated by my circumstances. I want to feel motivated, excited. I want to go out. I want to travel. I want to be in a happy relationship, and to marry again one day. I just feel so utterly lost. I wake up every day crying.",2 "Sorry if this is a common topic as im sure many people have this same problem. I am looking for suggestions and just personal experiences. Basically I have general insomnia and it's difficult for me to fall asleep even when I don't take Adderall. If I lie down at midnight I can usually fall asleep by 1am. But with Adderall its so much worse, I lay down yesterday at midnight and couldn't sleep till after 2am. Do I need to just commit and take adderall for a few days in a row before I get used to it? I've been taking trazadone for a year now and it helps a bit but not so much on an aderall day. I seem to be stuck in a cycle where I need good sleep before taking aderall but then the pill causes me to stay up late and so im reluctant to take it again the next day. I am recovering from surgery so I can only exercise a little bit. Have any of you overcome this issue?",0 "Keep misreading things like instructions in emails or other things, then make an assumption, then get angry when I’m corrected… This isn’t something that happens just once or twice and I get the feeling that some people (like my local post office), must hate the sight of me because it keeps happening but I forget in the moment and then remember hours later all the times it happened.",0 "I've been having suicidal thoughts for the last couple years, but never tried to act upon them. I feel so empty these days, I feel like my life is pointless. I can't focus on my work and have lost interest in my favorite activities. I cry for no reason. The other day, I came back from a movie with my friends and begun crying. I'd been fine thirty minutes ago. Something sort of clicked inside me and I lost it. I just feel so fatigued and dull these days. Every night I wish that I don't wake up the next day, yet here I'm, struggling to get through life.",2 My ocd and intrusive thoughts make me say that i did something which is not true and now im worried that google or someone recorded it and terrible things could happen.I now have to delete all my accounts and format my PC.What are the chances of something bad happening.,1 "So, recently a friend of mine from 2-3 years ago kinda walked into my life again randomly. He was friends with me and my then bf. As far as I remember he was never told what happened between me and my ex (although my ex might've told him what happened from his point of view), but let's just say it was bad enough to relatively be the core of my ptsd. He told me he's still in contact with him, although it's on and off. That's kinda what made me start to spiral. It freaked me out that at any point in time my ex could also start talking to me too, although unlikely it's still scary. He could find out my contact info from my friend. I had very serious flashbacks and nightmares for the first time in a year. It made my brain and body feel as though I was back to 2 years ago it was fucking terrifying. I'm scared to hang out with him now, I don't want to relapse, he reminds me of it too much and the fact they're still friends doesn't help. I just don't know what to do, I don't wanna ruin their friendship by telling him what happened between us, my ex didn't hurt him after all. I just want to break the correlation between my friend and my ex but it seems so impossible. I'm so scared, and idk where I'm going with this I just needed to get it out ig. I'm so sick of life rn, I was so close to being ok with life then I get kicked back down by something someone did without knowing.",3 Is there even a difference? (bit of a vent) for context in pretty sure (after a little observation) most of my pain is just the pain of emotion but no emotion or way to express / get rid of it. do antidepressants get rid of this kind of pain? if not how do i get rid of it? sorry if this is the wrong place / medication to ask,2 "I need serious help. I don’t know what to do. Some background: This spring I earned my A.S. degree in Business Admin at a community college. I transferred to a proper four-year college for the fall semester to obtain a B.S. in Computer Science. I have six classes this semester. I have to take them in order to finish within a two-year period. Only one of them pertains to my major, but they are necessary as part of the general ed. Chemistry and Chemistry Lab are completely and utterly destroying me. I can’t comprehend a single thing, a single word, a single concept that the professors teach. I go to each class, right? Of course. I sit down. All around me… every clackety-clack of the keyboard, every cough, every rustling of papers, sounds like SCREAMING in my ears. My head is full of this noise. I can’t comprehend the English that comes out of my teacher’s mouth, and this is coming from a native English speaker. I learn absolutely nothing. My eyes are brimming with tears by the end of class, and I’m just praying no one has noticed. I go to the bathroom and fold myself over as tightly as I can. I dig my nails into my upper leg and draw blood. Everything is so bright and so loud, this is the only moment I can attempt to calm myself down. I have not been able to understand how to do a single problem in the never-ending homework load. I use google, tutoring, someone else’s answers. But I am failing. Every time I try to study, it feels like trying to pull my own teeth. Every cell in my body is screaming at me to stop. This is NOT NORMAL. If things don’t change, I most likely fail two of my classes in my first semester. And I feel like nobody understands the enormity of this situation. I’m at the end of my rope. I’ve been put on an 8-week waiting list for an Autism evaluation. Other than that, I have NO ONE WHO WILL HELP ME REGARDING THESE ISSUES. Can anyone tell me who I can call? Some hotline? Anything? I’m dying.",3 "After being already twice in a limerent state, I was wondering how much it was linked to emotion regulation issues and other Asperger's traits. I find it pretty obvious that hypersensitivity could raise the risks of developing limerence, but I couldn't find many real-life stories of people with Asperger's talking about limerence. So, what's your experience with limerence and how did you make it through?",3 "Why does everyone just exclude me instead of helping? I've been locked out of everywhere I tried to get help from, everyone abandoned me.",2 "Don't know about you guys, but I've always been a bit obsessed with my dog's nose. It's so cold and slimy yet it looks really cute for some reason. People think I'm weird just because I bring up her nose so much! I'm wondering if you guys experience this too.",3 I absolutely hate this world and every day is agony. The codine has stoped having an effect and I’m too young to see an actual psychiatrist. I just want it all to end and death is the last option I have left. At least I’m not too young for death.,2 "I am not exaggerating when I say I have at least one negative thought about myself every minute. From the moment I wake up to the minute I go to bed. Constant self-doubt and hatred. I struggle to maintain a routine. Every social interaction is something I pick apart and find flaws in- almost never do I feel happy with how I interacted with someone else. My job depresses me, I’m admittedly incompetent, and I’m not taken seriously. I go home, I have few friends to talk to about anything, I feel like I’m a loser around my parents. When I go to the gym, the only positive outlet I have in my life at the gym. But even there I’m constantly self conscious either about my body or what other people think. At college I struggle to find or maintain friendships. I can’t find or maintain a relationship with someone I actually like. I got dumped 6 months ago by a guy I didn’t even like all that much in the first place. Im scared to think about my future as an adult. Also I’m gay as if I couldn’t make life any harder for myself. I despise the pick me pity party bullshit, I used to be much worse about that years ago but I’m learning to stop self-deprecating and feeling sorry for myself in real life. But this is Reddit, I’m anonymous and I don’t give a shit, and I honestly need some sort of way to vent since every therapist in my city is full of shit. I don’t want to kill myself, I just want to learn to be happy. I want to interact with people in a meaningful way. I want to stop being so sad all the time. I just don’t even know where to begin at this point, and I don’t know how much time I have left to change before I start to break down.",2 "Aside from the obvious problem of dating NT girls, i found another problem. Girls on dating sites before meeting irl ask for your other social media profiles both because they want to know more about your life and to chat more easily. The problem is that my Facebook and my Instagram profiles are blank:aside from my profile pictures there's nothing and i also have few followers on instagram. The reason why my social media profiles are blank are quite obvious: i have a very poor social life (by choice) so i don't have much to show and i don't even have an interest in showing my private and social life. Despite my profiles on dating sites are VERIFIED ,many girls after seeing my (blank) profiles accused me of being a fake profile/that I'm using another guy's pics. In fact after 2 girls in a row in the same day (!) accused me of being a fake profile,i decided to say that I'm not on Instagram and that if they wanted to chat we could chat on Telegram (it's like WhatsApp but the phone number isn't visible). This happened also other times and quite frequently compared to my NT friends. Did you experience the same or similar problems?",3 "i know i have to get used to uncertainty but its so hard, i need a 100% guarantee that i will never be a murderer, sexual assulter, pedophile",1 "I grew up in a church near my house, seeing the same kids every week for years. And we were so, so innocent. In our teens was when it all went to shit. One boy, we’ll call him Joe, assaulted several girls over the course of a few years - myself included. We dated for 1.5 years, the abuse lasted for 1, starting when I was 12. No more than 3 years after the abuse ended was when I first alerted a church official to what had happened. (Youth leaders had seen him assault me before then but said nothing.) Another few months later I went on a mission trip to Costa Rica with Joe’s mom and sister. My PTSD was worse than it had ever been. I almost fully dissociated after trying to get dressed for bed and was shrieking in the bathroom when his mom and another youth leader pulled me aside. They tried to calm me down, but I didn’t know where I was or what was happening and I was screaming for Joe to stop touching me, not using his name. His mom got quiet for a moment. She knew I was talking about her son. I confirmed that much for her. Yet a year later, he still has not been reprimanded for his actions by either his parents or church officials. I was the first victim. The most recent was in January. I hold immense resentment for churches and Christianity, which I hate. I know it wasn’t the religion that assaulted me, but it was the church who refused to acknowledge or stop it. It’s STILL happening. Am I wrong to hold this anger? How can I ever forgive this church when they sit so idly by? I’m not the only one. I know dozens of teen girls that have been assaulted or even prostituted by boys in the church and this has gone unaddressed. They were all under 16, most of them 12-14. All were told “well let’s just pray about it.” How do I stop hating Christians for this?",3 "I don't want to be alive anymore. When I think about tomorrow, I can only cry and almost panic. I don't want to talk about it. Actually I do want to talk about it, but everyone is either tired of me or doesn't know about this situation. I am going to therapy tomorrow, but I don't feel like it's helping at all. I am not opening up enough and I don't want to. It is scary. We're only talking about how it went since my last session. It doesn't feel like therapy. It is not helping me. I want to talk to someone I trust. But I hate everyone. I don't know it anymore. I just want to die. I don't want to live this life anymore, everything feels impossible. I don't know the solution. I think about my boyfriend hugging me, and about my mom hugging me, but it doesn't feel like it's going to help. It only makes me panic more, because it will not fix anything. I really don't want to go to therapy tomorrow. I feel like shit and I want to kill myself. I also think I'm going to hurt myself tonight. Just to feel it. I don't know what else to do.",2 "I was talking and I brung an example up, I said ""I have unwanted thoughts about what I would do If I killed a baby and what people would do to me and how I would feel"" i think this goes without saying but I have never killed a baby and I dont want to ever kill a baby. Then he just proceeded to laugh at me and tell me ""why would you have these thoughts if you didn't want to kill a baby?"" ""Are you the terminator, but for babies?"" ""If any missing baby's come up in the news now I know who it was I tried explaining how much this was affecting me but i don't think he understands. I already felt awful and this has not helped, what made it worse is that he told other people. I really want to die right now. Life is tough at the moment. Especially when he said ""if any missing babies come up in the news I know who it was"" this has made me feel so anxious and distraught. I dont know what to do. I'm in so much pain right now",1 "Pretty much that. I am trying to keep up with 12 hour daily work shifts, but still want to try to learn more while I work. Any suggestions?",3 "Hello. I've been dealing with OCD for many years. I overcame most of it and now I'm almost fine. I even lost all my social insecurities and I can manage social situations very well. When my friends got me into their Whatsapp group, I felt a constant necessity of checking the group all the time, so I could hang out with them as much as possible. When school started, I decided to not get into the group for a while as I had to study. Most of the time my phone is in airplane mode, and when I use it for my work I just disable Whatsapp. However, I feel that if I enable it for using it or just when going for a walk for myself, there can be a message directed to me (@), as I always have group notifications turned off. And also, when I feel bad, I go into the group and just nose around to see the gossips from my friends. It also happened when other friends started to get me into their Whatsapp groups. I hate being in so many groups with different people at once. It's just that I don't want to talk. I need to be alone most of the time in school times, and I feel invaded when there's a friend group in there. Nevertheless, I have like 3+ groups of my family, and I never complained about it, as they never tag me. It only happens with my friends. I love my friends a lot and I care about them, but I just can't be in groups as nowadays I need to be alone most of the time. What should I do? Just let the group be there and exposure to that suffering, even in airplane mode? Or just tell my friends to don't tag me?",1 "I am weird guys. I mean I keep repeating the same thought for hours or even 1 or 2 days sometimes. Sometimes I read a line 3 or 4 times even I (almost) understood it for the first time. Even I get something while studying, I will keep questioning it again and again which will eventually make it confusing rather than helping. Is this OCD? If it's not then can u help me figure this out?",1 "[Here's last week's thread](https://old.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/pc06u6/hows_your_week_going_so_far_weekly_post_184/) Suggestions are ALWAYS welcome on how to improve the threads I post at any time. After all, I do this because the community wants these threads to exist, and I take the time out of my day (every Thursday and Saturday) to post the weekly threads, to ensure the community gets what it feels it needs. **So, continuing with the theme... /r/aspergers, How is your week going so far?** :)",3 "So I live in a small Balkan country where people are still not aware of the importance of mental health. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and OCD, but really think I fit into the ADHD spectrum. It's really rare to hear that someone was diagnosed with adhd here. At least I don't know anyone. I'm a 27 y/o girl and I became completely dysfunctional. I don't even think there is a proper adhd medication available. I've only seen Wellbutrin and Concerta. I have been on paroxetine for a couple of months now, but I don't see any change except my weight loss. I think I'm even worse now because I don't see any progress with my mental health, and have suicidal thoughts again.",0 "I just got diagnosed ""mild"" autism back in November, I'm trying to take stock. And because the spectrum is more of a buffet, I realize that my biggest aspie problem is, things have to be my way, all the time, and I'm miserable if they are not made that way. I'm not all that picky on food, but if my burgers aren't plain I will be very unhappy for hours. And if there's mustard in my chilli, I won't eat it period. I don't want to be unreasonable, but every time I try and meet people halfway, I'm screaming in utter frustration (mostly on the inside) the entire time. I am fully capable of seeing the end of hostilities by playing social games...but I don't because when I do, I'm miserable the entire time I do it. I don't like people very much because they act in ways I do not see as conducive to long term social stability (ie fuckheads), and I don't want to get along with them because that would just mean spending more time with fuckheads being fuckheads. I wanna be nicer than this! I want to be more pragmatic, but when I do I feel like I'm coming down with the flu. And being angry and frustrated the entire time. What brought me here is tabletop roleplaying, where everyone is nearly as inflexible as me, and it's been a bad time for all involved 7/10 times. I need accommodation, but I can't really give anything, at least not in the ground rules. I could deliberately work with someone within the narrative to help achieve their goals, but I can really give very little in turn. If I need my vampire character to daywalk to enjoy the game, I don't mean once a month or a campaign goal, I mean every day, out of the box, so they can hold down a dayjob and live as a human, albeit with semi-permanent jet lag. I can offer Dracula rules, no powers during daylight hours, I can offer ability penalties based on their morality, I'm willing to give up XP every session because it's fueling the daywalking. But I have to have an everyday daywalker or the character is not fun to play. And frankly, they don't like what I need to do because it's too creative for them, too outside the box. TTRpers are like cats, they like their boxes and don't ever want to move out of them. But EVERYTHING is like this. There's always something that makes me DEEPLY unhappy and when I say I'm not happy, I'm told STFU or GTFO. The problem is I'm in therapy and they want to use Dialectic Behavioral THerapy which seems to be just making my masking more effective but that's not the point. I can mask just fine, the reason I don't is because it's emotionally painful. It's like bd heels, your feet hurt the moment you put weight on them and it just hurts worse from there. So any help would be great, because we live in a very authoritarian society and people in power do NOT like lessers in the hierarchy who don't bend to their whims, reasonable or not.",3 "I have a friend who's trying to look in the eyes when he's talking to somebody else,but he told me he knows he can look at the forehead of the person instead of the eyes. The problem he told he has is that he's to shy to turn around and see the person's face and then look to somebody else forehead or between the eyebrows,thanks in advance and hope you understand the context.",3 "I live in the country and my grocery store is finally installing self checkout. I’m in heaven. No taking out my ear buds, no talking, and I can bag things properly.",3 "I'm with a friend right now, slept over the past few days. We have a lot of fun going outdoor, cuddle, watch movies, etc. But I started to get suddenly pissed off and aggressive for no apparent reason. I get weird feelings in my joints, want to just kick and punch a wall. My friend can't touch me, without my body telling me to push them away and hurt them. It takes a lot of concentration to not just kick them when they touch me. Idk, I just wanna punch, kick and bite them, even tho they didn't do anything and are nice to me. They tried to cuddle me to calm down and asked me what's up with me, but I don't know and I can't handle it and now we are just distant. They're hurt and I'm pissed of for no reason. I have a past with selfharm, and I thought maybe it's just the urge to do it again, but it doesn't express the same way it did the last few years.",3 "So I have real trouble being touched. I look like I spend hours working out everyday just bc of how tense I am at all times. My partner (bless them) was super into getting couples massages and I would grit my teeth and go too bc I really needed the work done but it would take everything in me to act “acceptable” during them. I would relax only what they were touching so they could do their job and stiffen every other part so basically, I was worse off after. Physically and emotionally, and financially. With covid my partner started collecting “at home physical therapy bands” compression massage stuff so basically we’re getting a “massage suit” for the same price of a soothe massage. After getting over the initial “oh god I’m in the matrix bubble guy” brain thing, I can actually get mussel relief from “armoring” I can only do a piece at a time but y’all, if you are having this issue, do yourself a favor. I’m also hoping it will help as a type of “you can have this thing touch you Maby you won’t freeze when a friend hugs you” type of thing? Maby? Anyway I can lift my arms above my head without wincing for the first time in a decade. It’s been a game changer. I hope this could help y’all like it’s helping me.",3 I really thought love would conquer all... never thought he'd hate me or fall out of love with me. :/ Every day feels like an endless battle of trying to pick up enough pieces to put myself together and to be able to get myself through the day... Been a losing battle lately. As happy as I am that he's doing phenomenally... It still blows that I'm not at the same stage :/ Heartbreak blows.,2 Do hotlines actually help just tired I just want to talk with someone not family or friends.,2 "I just found out my personality type is INTP-T, a turbulent logician. This is apparently the same as Sheldon Cooper, Gandalf, Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, and Hermoine Granger (who I have always identified strongly with). I was wondering if this is a common personality type among the Aspie community?",3 "Hello. I was wondering if there are people here who got through ocd by simply not giving in to the anxiety. Instead of going through the process of ERP step by step, I thought of doing the ""Grand Anxiety Month"", not giving in to the anxiety, no compulsions. My therapist said there's a great chance of relapsing and even worsen my symptoms. But I'm curious, could the Grand Anxiety Month actually be a thing?",1 "(Not PTSD specific but mental health in general) A friend of mine just had a car accident because he had a panic attack while driving. He lives in another country where mental health issues are largely ignored (where I used to live and which was very damaging to my mental health as well). So sick of the attitude ""suck it up princess"" and ""drink a mug of concrete and harden the f*** up"" which people claim is a joke but in truth they really just want you to get over it. He usually works in environments with a lot of toxic masculinity. He is in hospital and needs to wear a neck brace for the next 3 months but otherwise he has come out of it okay. I am terrified to imagine how may trauma would have been handled if i was there instead of where i am now. The system isn't perfect here but at least the general attitude isn't so toxic.",3 Okay why?! Whyyyy did I sit down and start scrolling…. And waste several hrs of my life doing nothing when I have several things I needed to do. Ugh. The struggle is real. I had gone around in a circle trying to finish each task I started but I didn’t… then sat on the couch. Relating to the recent posts about this hard today.,0 "So I am currently taking Adderall however over the years I have noticed a decrease in efficiency as most people have. I spoke to my doctor and he said we could try some thing else I said OK so he wrote me a prescription to try of desoxyn, however the pharmacies I called were unable to get it. I asked my doctor if he knew of any pharmacies where I could get it but I have a feeling he will say no he does not. Given that, I will probably ask to try something different. I have seen and read a lot about modafinil and those types of meds. Is there anything you guys recommend I give a try over some other meds? Given that I’ve been on 30mg twice a day of adderall for over 10yrs I’m going to need something on the stronger side of the spectrum I believe. Thanks",0 "Everytime I am stressed about my intrusive thoughts, I go straight into this imaginary world in my head.",1 "Anyone experience something similar? How common is it to us ADHD folks? It's really strange! I form the sentence in my head, and when I'm done typing it, I'm missing key words, or made the silliest kind of mistakes, or spelled a word phonetically. For example typing ""righting"" instead of ""writing"". Or, I want to type: ""I like eating apples"" and instead type ""I eating apple"". Most of the time I have to proof read what I typed and fix my mistakes, but I almost always miss a word or something. How much do you guys relate?",0 "Just a week ago I hit my lowest point. Yesterday I said that I resisted a strong compulsion. Well, today I resisted 3 more! The first one was so painful and I felt like if I wouldn't give in to them I wouldn't be able to go through the day, but I resisted and it's getting better and better! I feel so powerful right now. When I'm at my lowest I never believe things can be okay for people like us who have OCD, but moments like these make life worth living. It you're struggling right now, I want to send a hug your way. You're not alone in this.",1 "Just out of curiosity and and the wealth of experience and knowledge here, I’m curious how it might feel different and how you’d describe it to people. I’m really new to meds and trying to figure out how to describe how I feel when I take them but also, clinically as a professional in mental health I never thought before about how it might feel for someone starting meds and having an understanding of how people might describe it. It is fascinating to me. Thanks in advance for sharing your thoughts with me. I truly appreciate it!",0 "Parking in our house’s garage is quite tricky. The ramp is steep and small. Anyway, I (F 24) was having a terrible morning which left me rattled. On my way home, my mind was admittedly clouded. When I got home before lunch, my mom guided me while parking. When I finally got up the ramp and was supposed to break, I accelerated instead and I hit the wall hard. Thank God my mom was 3 meters away from that wall. otherwise, I would have crushed her knees, or maybe even something worse. I only accidentally stepped on gas instead of break 2 times before this incident: first, when I was in 5th grade and my dad was teaching me how to drive (this left me traumatized til I was 23); second, while my dad was yelling at me while he was teaching me how to drive (at 23 y/o). I have been haunted by flashbacks of that accident. I only remember being in a state of panic for no particular reason when I was supposed to step on the break. I don’t remember my thought-process that much. But this left me scared of driving again. Any help or advise?",3 "let me start… I, 16m, was born into a good home. never having to worry about money or food, but things change. my parents got a divorce when i was around 13. It really took a long time to cope until I felt a new normal at around 14-15. I had great friends, a loving girlfriend, and a great family (being my dad, brother, step mom, and step sister) however things change, a common theme in my story. My relationship soured with everyone except my step mom, I even pushed my girlfriend away. Eventually the consequences caught up and my dad and step mom split, yet another kick in the dick, but that was just round one for the disaster i was destined for. I soon had a falling out with my dad and moved with my mom far away, this essentially cut ties with everyone in my life, all my friends and family that I used to live with and even my girlfriend. And when I selfishly pushed everyone away, my best friend killed himself, I couldn’t believe the news. This sent me on a path of destruction of me burning every bridge of support I ever had. I blocked friends, I blocked family, I blocked my girlfriend. I was hurting but I hurt all of them when all they wanted to do was support me. fast forward 6 months and my relationship with my mom and step dad is awful, all I do is sleep for every hour of the day. I decided to get another job to distract myself. To forget about the pain that my ex brought me. I buried it with a new girl. One at my work. several months go by and I started obsessing over her. I was desperately trying to fill the void in my life and she slept with another guy. It isn’t her fault, she doesnt even know how I feel about her TL;DR every hope i have in my life gets stomped on right in front of me",2 "Hi everyone. I’ve been suffering with severe anxiety from OCD for about four months now. This last month and a half has been a lot better (anxiety wise), but it seems that my OCD wants to come back with a vengeance (it had almost become background noise for a bit). I’m going to a therapist from NOCD, but I’m just questioning whether this will actually work for me or if I’m just wasting money. I definitely feel like recovery is a long ways away. Any recovery stories would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and sending positivity and healing your way!",1 "This is what I’ve noticed after months of going to therapy sessions. My therapist is a smart woman and she asks me good questions, but I suck at observing things of myself or others and I simply give some superficial and vague answers. For example, she asks me whether my mother was overprotective when I was a kid, or what I specifically like at my boyfriend’s personality. No idea, I’ve never thought about these things and I can’t come up with answers. What does it mean to have an overprotective mom? I didn’t pay much attention to her behaviour and I don’t even remember situations when she was or was not overprotective. What traits should I like at my boyfriend, because...I simply like him? I can’t analyze him. I’m very scared that my therapist believes that I’m just stupid and it’s a waste of time for both of us. I’ve even thought about giving up on therapy for this reason, even though my mental health needs a lot of improvement right now. Please, if you could tell me what my issue is called and how I should improve my observing skills/awareness/whatever it is, I would be grateful.",3 "i have ocd; it creates perfectionism and wastes lots of time. perfection is the enemy of progress; it puts the brain unease state. then i figured it all out, it reduces ocd and one day will kill it: ocd does not make sense. it is illogical. it's only in your head *ocd is nothing more than a simple on/off switch* example: tons of people have ocd where they constantly wash their hands... yet their clothes and car is messy and dirty. they dont mind another one: people keep checking 10 times that their house door is locked... yet they only check once to make sure their car door is locked what is going on here? it's only in your head. it is just an on/off switch --- hand washing: [on] car dirty: [off] clothes dirty: [off] --- in this example, the hand washing ocd switch is turned on. **you have to mentally and verbally turn it off** say outloud, ""ive washed my hands, it is done!"" that will turn off the ocd switch. the loud verbal cue reinforces the mind that your handwashing is done, and you can recall that it is done because it was spoken outloud, and the switch will turn off *ocd is nothing more than a simple on/off switch*",1 "also, does anyone else experience that if your OCD targets a specific person, you can never look at them the same anymore? like you can try to act normal and it’ll be fine, but it’ll still reappear one way or another trying to get you to react? it’s really upsetting because it distances you from good people by your fucking stupid thoughts :(",1 "Like, I like everything I see for the most part. I love many games that others don't, I like movies that others find bad. (examples: I like the new GTA trilogy, I thought battlefield 5 was decent, I even like the new Marvel's avengers Spider-Man gameplay and for movies, I like Cars 2, I think The Grinch by Illumination was a good take on grinch, and I really really enjoyed Wonder Park.) I never really seem to hate any games unless it really ruins what the original thing did, as long as it's fun to me. Why am I like this? btw the I'm posting this in here because I feel like maybe it's a part of my autism, idk.",3 "Why do I tend to over share very specific details about my trauma and childhood adversities? I don’t actually understand why I do this and wonder if others do it too(?), it drives me insane when I realize what I have just said to this person that I either know very well or not at all. Thoughts?",3 "So I’ve recently (a year ago) been diagnosed with add/adhd (m27 if that matters) with ocd tendencies. I’ve been with a therapist and psychiatrist and have tried all the medications given adderall/Ritalin/concerta. I love the way I feel on them. But once it comes off I feel like a boat load of shit. Making me not want take it. Those medications help me slow my mind down. But really the best thing that slows my mind down is alcohol. Which I have had my struggles with. And the more I hate the idea of drinking. It been the best thing at slowing my mind down and keeping compulsive thoughts out. And I’ll just state, before people jump on it. I have an add/adhd/ocd problem with drinking on the side. Not the other way around. It’s not what I do, it’s just what has helped and I’m writing this to try to get help and not make drinking the front runner. Thank you all in advance.",0 "For a while there I was cleansing my life of all these relationships which made me feel like shit, and a lot of them were actually shitty, but it’s been hitting me that I don’t know how to bond. I feel like I’m friendly and loving, but sometimes I just shut off and I can’t interact with the people I love. Other times all these people say I’m their friend, yet I don’t feel friendship? A lot of my trauma happened at the hands of those who were supposed to protect me, my parental units. I don’t know how to have a mother and I can go on. Right now I’m in EMDR and it’s helping me. I’m currently in between jobs and went from a very stressful job to doing nothing and have been digging through some shitty memories with my therapist, so there’s a lot happening. I guess I wanted to post here because I was curious if more folx go through this.",3 "Hello! This is my first post on Reddit. Figured this sub would be a good place to start. Does anyone else’s weight correlate with their OCD? Does any one else friendships fall apart when OCD is getting worse? How can you remember living with OCD? For me It feels like i can always remember experiencing the distinct feeling (specifically the pure dread/impending doom feeling) although there are parts of my life where it seemed non existent. Are you candid about talking about your OCD? I’m always flip flopping from not mentioning it to people I am not well acquainted with (even if it is relevant to the situation) to bringing it up if a person I just met asks a question and OCD is part of the answer. I’d like to put the blame my OCD, but regardless of the cause I am the least social I have been in a while: so I figured I would interact with some people who also happen to been have dealt the OCD card.",1 "I hate this shit. Been in a rough period in which every time I go to bed, I can pretty much expect nightmares or stress dreams multiple times a night because I'm always waking up before the sun is up. Anyone else going through this with me? Prazocin just makes the dreams worse sometimes, so I don't bother with it anymore. Is there a supplement or anything out there that can help me out of this?",3 "So I've been dealing with HOCD recently and it's turned into this endless horrible cycle of finding a girl attractive, getting obsessed with girls and feeling happy, and then not being able to think about anything else until I start to get nauseous from constantly checking if I'm attracted to literally everyone I see and then feeling depressed because it feels like an obvious sign that I'm not actually into girls. I know that this is my OCD screwing with me, and I just messaged my therapist to schedule an appointment, but I'm really afraid that she's going to tell me that I'm straight? Does having HOCD mean that I'm straight? I can tell I'm kind of looking for reassurance here, but I'm just really worried about it and it makes me afraid to talk about it at all to my therapist. Thanks.",1 "Hi all, I'm writing on behalf of my younger brother who has OCD. He takes the highest dose of fluvoxamine which gives the expected sexual side effects and causes lack of sleep - I believe these are quite common side effects. The mirtazapine has helped with these side effects but at the cost of massive weight gain and subsequent obsessional thoughts about this. Given that these SSRI side effects are so common, I can only assume it's quite common for people to take something to counteract these effects. And as far as I can work out, only mirtazapine fits the bill. I'd be really interested to hear if any one out there has successfully countered the side effects of SSRIs with interventions other than mirtazapine Thanks a lot",1 "My son loves the solar system but there is a pretty disappointing gap between beginner reader books that introduce the idea of space, stars, planets, and spaceships - and documentaries on Copernicus. Does anyone have some some favorite educational books for children? Movies or shows or little jingles? Thank you! Edit: it makes a lot more sense to say thanks up here. There are so many great suggestions and Im really excited to share them with him. Thank you so much!",3 "I am always fuc\*king tired, always. If I sleep 8h, I am tired all day, if I sleep 10 hours, and I do a nap the afternoon, I am still so tired. It's been years since I've not enjoyed 5 minutes being energized. I have more blood test to do next week to see if it come from something, but I think it come from the PTSD. It is really incapacitating in your daily life to ALWAYS be tired, that whatever I do I just want to go to bed. How do you live with it?",3 "i just needed to vent out because i've been keeping this for a long time. i'm severely depress and diagnosed with anxiety, growing up people thought i have a perfect life, my cousins envy me because for them i could get whatever i want, i have friends, complete family, i'm studying at my dream school, pretty, skinny. but what they don't know is im constantly living in a dark place, i've been anxious about my health, i always think i have serious medical condition. i fear death but i'm physically and mentally tired. staying awake is the hardest thing, i just wanna sleep forever. i can't even tell my parents everything, every pain cause whenever i do they always complain, they always tell me im just seeking for attention for i look fine. i dont have someone to tell about all of these things because i fear they might think im crazy, for i myself think i am. i never had a normal day, everyday i check my pulse, my breathing, i'm obsessed with my health that i forgot how to live, atp im just surviving. and i'm close to giving up. ​ i have a guy that loves me v much, we're not yet in a relationship though. but i love him so much that he is my lifeline, he is one of the few reasons why i'm still awake. i don't think i will be able to get out of this dark place anymore, i could only bare to live in it. my body is slowly shutting down, im always tired, i'm always dizzy, heart palpitations everyday and a whole lotta symptoms that you could imagine.",2 "It's one of the worst feelings in the world when you know you are broken beyond repair and you have tried everything to get better and I mean everything. But you keep on going mostly because of friends or family and everyday is a constant struggle to stay alive dealing with this shit for decades. It wears you down day after day it feels like it's a never ending nightmare people say ""life is to short"" I say it's not when you are suffering for years. The only way out is death eventually I wish I could go back and change things but the damage is done unfortunately and now I'm rotting away dreaming of a escape plan on the perfect day to break free from this failed life.",2 "I can't help but feel as though I'm an object, every guy I got close to seems to think so so why shouldn't I? From being groomed to be used as masturbation material while I was on call to flirting with as a pass time. I don't know maybe in stupid for repeatedly falling for their tricks and games but I can't help but in a fucked up way want it because I'd rather be wanted and used than hated and abandoned. I'm only 14 but I've been used for masturbation material since age 12, the only person I've ever told this to told me I should feel lucky that I'm wanted by guys and that it's harmless as a hug but it hurts so badly to be objectified so much I just want real love without strings attached",2 Have you found any products that have made your life easier? The autism products on amazon seem to mainly be geared towards children once again like we don't exist -\_\_- . So far I have noise cancelling headphones. When I save up some money I would like a weighted blanket.,3 I don’t know what to do anymore. For me body contact with somebody who really cares about me calms me so much down. It helps me a lot. But I’m single since a long time and I really can’t handle it well without the body contact it’s like I need it as much as food or breathing. It’s like loading up my battery’s. I’m alone with this?,0 "I have been going through an ADHD assessment process from early September until now. I have always struggled in school, at work, and at home. I ramble and spend too long fixating on things, when I have a to do list more than an item long I lay down and do nothing instead. I've never taken notes in school because I can't stay tuned in long enough to do so. I developed a binge eating disorder and gained 160 pounds, and then lost 160 pounds in 18 months. I got into grad school with a 2.8 GPA. Now I'm barely surviving grad school. I went to the student health center for an ADHD assessment. The psychologist told me that he's not comfortable diagnosing me with ADHD when there are other possible diagnoses and comorbidities. He went on to reference an alcohol consumption survey I took at the health center in 2017, which I pointed out I haven't had problems with drinking since before my weightloss. Then said that ""you scored a 17 on the anxiety assessment, which is a moderate. I believe it is far more likely that you have general anxiety, possibly OCD."" Then he showed me an excel document and explained that ""even though the threshold in the assessment is 16, and moderate ranges to 80, that a 17 is still considered very serious"" and that he thinks it is unlikely for me to heavy both ADHD and anxiety. Then he said that my ADHD symptoms are likely from my childhood trauma, and that I should seek talk therapy. I've been in therapy for almost 10 years now. I've taken and have not succeeded with essentially every option I was given for SSRIs. They actively said they think it is ""very likely that I have adhd"" but they are not willing to diagnose me because of ""stimulant abuse"" without a full mental health assessment. The cheapest full assessment in town is $1700. That's basically 2 months worth of paychecks for me as a grad student. What do I even do from here?",0 "Never give up, it will get better, just hold on! You can do this! If you are experiencing ptsd symptoms, that's valid. You are not alone, I hope you guys get better soon. One piece of advice I will give you, ""focus on the journey of hope, healing and inspiration."" If you need help, reach out, someone is there to help you. I am here if you need, pm me if you feel like you are alone in the war within your head. I am here to listen without judgment. I care about you! You can do this! I believe in you! With kind thoughts~",3 "I was always afraid of intimacy and unfortunately it happened and I didn't know how to deal with it, I acted like a freak and tried to leave and this person got mad at me and didn't want to keep the friendship, now I feel guilty and stupid for thinking I don't have empathy for nobody. Sorry for my english.",3 "I have felt like complete crap since this morning because I finally snapped at my supervisor because my co-worker keeps taking ""sick days"" and/or leaves way early (like around 9-10am). I mean we work remotely, but it still stresses me out. I also have OCD and can't stand when there's emails backed up or old emails not updated (I work for title companies- who are stressful themselves), so I am the one who does everything and makes sure title companies are updated. I push about 70 emails in one morning and my co worker does like 5. She's a single mom with two autistic boys apparently and she is my supervisors ex-sister in law. As anyone with ADHD knows, my frustration threshold is negative and I've had to hold all this in. Today I asked my supervisor why the inbox wasn't updated after my co worker had worked over the weekend and he responded with saying things like it seems like I'm ""bitter about her situation."" I also asked to have Friday off and he said no, that there's a difference from being sick and wanting a day off...when I mentioned my co worker gets days off whenever she wants. Not to mention I asked for a raise from my actual boss and all he gave me was a $1 raise this past week. I'm 30 years old making a wapping $16/hr and I live in CA that's like barely gas money, it takes me 3 hours of work to fill up my gas tank. I feel like a complete loser to say the least which doesn't help feeling rejection sensitivity. I'm also in grad school, so after the convo and work I had to go to class today and I felt like absolutely everyone hated me. I felt left out of conversations, etc. My mom didn't text me back after talking to her earlier and I even felt like she hates me now or is annoyed with me. It even goes as far as posting anything on social media, I immediately hate myself and feel dumb for even posting anything. I end up muting people from seeing my story or deleting it all together, sometimes disabling my entire instagram because I can't stand this feeling. I keep thinking to apply to other jobs, but then the thoughts of ""people just won't like me anywhere I go"" start to creep in. It's such a horrible feeling ... But I know it's all in my head from just the one bad convo with my supervisor this morning + remembering and thinking about anything bad anyone's ever said about me before while feeling this way.",0 "Hi, I posted about my stalker finding me the other day. Well, he hasn't showed up to my house yet, but I did find out how he found me. He used a dummy account to friend me on Facebook (the dummy account was of one of my friends, so I didn't expect to be found out this way). After I found out, I blocked him. Now I can't trust anyone and I'm constantly on high alert. I have people helping me set up a paper trail against him, should he try communicating with me or showing up unannounced. They are trying their best to help me, but I just. Can't. Breathe. I have been obsessively vaping on my Delta-8 pen to try calming down, but it's just not working anymore. What can I do to calm down?",3 "Does OCD affect the way we handle breakups? Feel free to share your experiences with me.",1 "I get anxiety and uncomfortable when I’m on dating apps if someone I’m attracted to has the same name as a family member. Or I’ll get intrusive thoughts like “oh they look like this family member a little” or “they act like this family member a little” “ what does that say about you? Are you attracted to that family member ?” Makes me grossed out and I have ghosted people because of this. If they have a certain feature similar to a family member, a certain characteristic, and so on. If they remind me of them in anyway I get grossed out automatically. I’m genuinely curious if anyone else is like this.",1 "Sorry for the throwaway, and sorry if this is the wrong subreddit. I just don't know what to do. Any time my boyfriend raises his voice at me, I feel my body freeze up. I have to go into a small space (like the bathtub) until I calm down. I just feel so on-edge, like a bear is running right towards me. To some extent, I know it's normal to feel freaked out by conflict -- who likes conflict? But I feel like I need to get a grip on this, for my sake and for his. (I know it freaks him out to see me hiding behind the locked bathroom door.) I just feel in the moment so sure that he's going to hit me. Sometimes I wish he would do it so that the fear would go away. Even now, thirty minutes after this happened, my heart is racing and I feel as straight as a rod. I don't have a PTSD diagnosis so it's possible I'm in the wrong place. If so, I hope one of you can point me somewhere else. I know a little about PTSD and I know I haven't seen someone die, nor did my parents physically abuse me. (My father sometimes threatened to hit me but never did, and pretty much only raised his voice.) So I apologize if this is the wrong spot or if it's spam. I just feel so lost that I don't know what to do. Lost and embarrassed -- who wants to feel like this? Any help would be appreciated.",3 "Hi everyone, really could use some help. I'm on my way to recovering, I've mostly gotten over HIV and rabies but my main persistent fear is antidepressants. I was prescribed them in July but I got such a debilitating fear of them that I never took them, they were in my house for some time and now I avoid any surface that the antidepressants were on and anything that could've touched it most notably food that's been near or on the same place. I'd do anything to not take these drugs so a part of that is knowing I cannot ingest escitalopram if I put on a shirt or eat a clementine. Has anyone faced something similar to this and what did they do to get over it? I've found that ""solidarity"" (like someone doing the same thing I'm afraid of and seeing they're fine) has helped me before. Thanks for hearing me out, love this sub. :-)",1 "i wish i could be drunk everyday, then all the pain just goes away, and i’m so happy. but being sober makes me want to hide away and die. i’m only 19 and i’ve been drinking nearly every day whether its on my day off or after work. anybody else?",2 "I’m writing not to seek reassurance, which will get you banned on the NOCD app. I’m writing to seek hope and community. I find that ERP is the most common and accessible form of OCD treatment, and I tried it. The experience I had could just be the therapist or it’s the treatment model in general. Pretty much the therapist would try to do exposures with me and then talk about how they felt. Talking means, I’m trying to tell her my thought process and she is cutting me off to tell me I’m seeking reassurance. I was confused, am I supposed to answer her questions freely? Or do I need to construct a perfect response. So I started trying to phrase things how she likes, or how I thought she did. I’d say I’m sitting with discomfort and acknowledging that something could go wrong. But, she’d cut me off again and dissect it further. She got deeper and deeper into thinking I’m a perfectionist because I pick at my hair and skin. I only brought those up as minor things I think are ocd related in the first session. She was obsessed with my hair picking, even though I mentioned I have ADHD and it’s also a stim for me. And she couldn’t comprehend what a stim was? I am required to be bilingual at work so it was really exhausting to try and rephrase things for her after doing it in English and Spanish all day. Maybe I could’ve stuck with it if I had time to emotionally process after sessions, but I couldn’t with a full time job. If I told her it was too much she would pressure me, saying ERP is supposed to be tough but it’s worth it. I quit after about session 7, I was dreading my last few appointments and decided to save my time, money, and peace of mind. I have all the respect and love for people who were successful with ERP. I just feel like the marketing for ERP makes it sound like a saving grace for people with OCD, and I want it to be known that it isn’t for everyone and a one size fits all approach is ableist. It’s ableist because it hinders progress in developing other treatment models. Also, It’s ableist because it assumes people with OCD aren’t as diverse as we are and therefore we need diverse options for treatment. So if you are like me and feeling lost because the mainstream treatment didn’t work for you. You are not alone.",1 "I am facing depression from last 2 months. I started accepting things the way they are, but it makes me even more depressed. I now don't compete for anything, I don't have any goals, nothing. I am just a broken piece. I don't care for good results, praising, relationships, friendships, I don't care for my swimming career, I have been losing from last 4 years. I am a loser. I am afraid that I might just end up in alcohol and drugs which I definitely don't want to. I would just die instead of that. My family doesn't take depression seriously. I can't book a therapist because I don't have money, I never ask my parents for that. I am afraid of calling suicide helplines, because I feel somehow my parents will catch me talking to them and instead shout at me for talking to strangers. I now feel that I deserve all this poor treatment, all this sadness. I love making people happy, but nobody ever asked me about me. I am that alone. I feel like I am an attention whore. Just begging for little attention. I just want a bit of affection. I would cry if someone ever hugs me. I am sorry to everyone for ruining your day.",2 "Can anyone tell me why when I was on Vyvanse I could only have one beer and I felt like I was messed up after the one, but now that I’m on generic d-amphetamine instant release I can drink a few beers and be fine…? The amount of d-amphetamine I’m on now should be same if not more than the Vyvanse was. I was on 50mg Vyvanse. I’m now on 2-3 10mg Aurobindo d-amphetamine instant release tablets per day",0 "Long time lurker. I wanted to share my experience. I’m 40, I hadn’t thought much about ADHD until the last year. I’ve lived a fairly successful life in most regards, but I’ve had so many dreams and ambitions that I’ve never been able to actualize. Finishing anything is the hardest, it’s even hard for me to harvest my vegetables from my garden when they’re ready…for some reason I just can’t do it. My lack of being able to follow through has affected my relationship. And I finally decided to start my own business. I’ve put blood sweat and tears into it. Yet I can’t manage to complete my tasks until there’s a gun to my head/a looming deadline. From the outside I’m having success and reaching benchmarks but the cost is staying up until 3am to work b/c that’s the best time I can find to focus. It isn’t sustainable. I put on my big girl pants and got a psych evaluation and confirmed my diagnosis. Next step was meds. Of course it took over a month for me to schedule an appointment. Had the appointment today. I had lots of anxiety around the stigma of taking meds and being told to maybe try something else before meds, by the doc. It went the opposite of that. He gave me a sub to 2 meds to try to see if one was better than the other. He explained everything so well and I felt no judgement. I am so relieved! I meet with him in a month to follow up with how everything is going and dial in meds dosage. I am so relieved and excited to see if meds help.",0 "I'm currently suffering from a sexual-based theme. So my thoughts will go along something like this: \- Yeah, can't lie, they're hot and have nice thighs \- Wait what?!? WTF, no! Does anyone else's thoughts manifest this way? Is this how it usually is for most people? And does it ever feel like your thoughts aren't intrusive? Like you feel like you somehow conjured them up yourself and are suppressing your real thoughts? I hate this ):",1 "Hello everyone, first post here and honestly I feel rather out of my depth, I'm not sure if this is the right place for it but I'm looking for some advice to help my girlfriend. she has no diagnosis of any kind for context but is working towards one. all her life she has fidgeted with different things to reduce stress and anxiety and to focus, for most of her life she has messed with the edges of pillows, rubbing them and pulling at them which creates a hard mass she finds comforting, however she's found that it often breaks and leaves her extremely depressed and overwhelmed. We've spoken about this and she's come to the conclusion that it may be best to find something as a substitute. does anyone have any advice as to what she could use in its place? Preferably something more durable and won't break easy. I know there are fidget toys that could help however nothing seems too aimed at the type of fidgeting she does. If you have any other kind of advice too we would deeply appreciate it, I hate seeing her so upset. Thank you wonderful people and good day :)",0 "Hi, I’m one month away from the finals of my 1st semester. Every time I tried on the past to study all out, I procrastinated and eventually couldn’t sit by the even for a minute. Couldn’t being myself to study well till the exams. The issue is, I’m telling myself for a couple of weeks if not over a month - The exams are close I should start taking it more seriously, I should study better? Without distraction, I should stop randomally web surfing or redditing or reading about random stuff that are interesting for me and all of this instead of studying. Any tips how I can get myself to sit consistently everyday and study well so I could pass those exams? Just mentioning, I did submit every single homework we received, but always in the last day, in the last hour or two available for submissions",0 "I made a pretty bad mistake earlier, almost caused an accident and the guilt is ripping me to pieces l. I just wish sin and shit like that wasn’t in my head. Knowing that there’s a part of me that is capable of doing such things disturbs me on a deep level. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have free will to commit acts that hurt myself and others. I’m not looking for pity here, I just wanted to ask how does one live with it?",2 "I am struggling with thoughts telling me I’m a terrible person. If I am just doing day to day tasks, my brain will randomly tell me I’m a terrible person who has malicious intent. Recently my brain had been telling me I’m a pedophile. I’m not even an adult yet, and I know I’m not but whenever I say that to myself my brain plants self doubt. I try to tell myself that it’s just thoughts and ocd symptoms, but my brain then tells me I’m just making excuses. Also the thoughts haven’t been happening as much, and my brain tells me that’s because I am now ok with being a pedophile. I am seeing a therapists, but the thoughts still remain. I’m not diagnosed but I thought here would be a good place to post this.",1 "I’m not sure what to do or where to go, money is already hard enough so I can’t go to a therapist again but… I’m losing my entire will or spark of life everyday and I don’t know what to do. I have depression. It comes out as Irritability and Sorrow more than anything else but I have it. My job is retail, online retail in a huge chain that constantly has been driving me to have anxiety attacks and major depressive episodes due to all of the personal attacks from customers. Customers threatening me, yelling and screaming, blaming me for everything, and then there are the managers and coworkers that put everything on me or call out and then put everything on me. There is so much more but… Basically I am allergic to SSRI’s so I can’t take them, only medication that is barely able to help. I don’t know what to do because I can’t quit because then we can’t afford anything which then would make things worse and I’ve been applying to places for over a year and nothing. I can’t keep crying all day and keep having anxiety attacks all the time. My boyfriend has been so incredibly patient and supportive through out this and still has been but I just can’t keep doing this to him or me. I’m not sure what I’m looking for here but I am so terribly desperate…",2 "Long story short my family is a bit toxic. I'm pretty positive my dad has ADHD but he never followed up on my advice to get any kind of mental health treatment. Mom insists I'm just stupid because I have no street smarts and she had me tested 3 times when I was little and all the evaluations were inconclusive. She was told by one to use positive reinforcement then another told her positive reinforcement would make me lazy. You can guess who's advice she followed. It is very tiring to be consistently discounted and teared down. The final straw was my bf (has ADHD too) coming over for the holidays and hearing how my parents treat me. He said it was very apparent that they don't respect me. My dad tried to even entertain him by repeatedly insulting me right in front of him in a sarcastic Bill Maher type of tone. It really cut deep and my boyfriend knew that, *but my dad was only joking and he can't help that I take things so personally*.",0 "I had my mental health ‘under control’ for the longest time, but the last two months have been endless torment. Between chasing relationships that will never work and reminiscing on one’s that have failed due to my crippling anxiety, I can’t have a moment of peace. I feel like a burden in everyone’s life, and also that im the crutch for everyone I care about. I support those around me when I can’t support myself. I drain myself for those who willingly cast me aside, and I just can’t keep doing it. TW/ Su*cidal thoughts/ideation • • • Every day, Ive had frequent thoughts about killing myself. In happy moments. In sad moments. All the time. I can fully visualize the way I’d do it, and it’s mentally exhausting. This isn’t a cry for help, I’m not going to do anything drastic, but I just need to know I’m not the only person feeling this way.",2 A few years ago I made the mistaking of saying something that doesn’t even make any sense to my partner and it’s been 4 years since but I can’t stop ruminating on it. Super frustrating and I just can’t seem to let it go.,1 "Help. I'm learning the hard way that caffeine withdrawal headaches are *very much a thing.* I don't remember who put that in my head, but *why did I never question it?!* ***AAAAA*** Now I decide. Cold turkey and do it all over again in a month, or practice moderation until I wean and repeat the cycle in 4+ months? And of course, I can't drop it forever, it's actually synergetic with my non-stims. Honestly this is almost comparable to a migraine but without the light/sound/touch/smell/annoyance sensitivities. Truth be told, I'm probably gonna count my milligrams again, that worked great and was really convenient. Until I absent-mindedly finish a whole can at once. 😳",0 "Hi all, I’ve been doing EMDR, and am taking medication, all of which is helping a lot. One thing I’m noticing that seems to be increasing as my fear/anxiety goes down is anger, which comes up with various triggers. I don’t do anything crazy, but I can be short with my family or post angry things on social media because I just feel like I want to scream and tell everyone whT happened, but I know I can’t. Any advice for coping with this productively? Has anyone else felt this?",3 "So I've been to a psychologist for the last couple of months, because of personal issues. After a few weeks, she suspected I had ADD. So now I took a test and after looking over it a bit, we're both quite certain that I do have ADD. Now, she talked about meds and the one I'm likely getting. For context, I am M/16. She said it would take about 3 weeks of taking it to get used to, afterwards I could use it mainly to study, because that is my main issue. Apparently it also lasts pretty long, something about 8 hours, so I guess its a retar d (slowly releasing pill) of some kind. It apparently doesn't respond badly to mixing it with alcohol/drugs, and there is low to 0 chance of addiction. I am pretty sure she said something about it being similar to Ritalin, but I guess most of the substances are close. Anyway, I live in switzerland and my next appointment is in 2 weeks, however I'd like to do some research of my own so i need to figure out which one it is. EDIT: Holy f.... I just discovered this sub and basically saw all the shit I hate about myself. Always procrastinating, being absolutely useless in my free time and so on. This is just amazing. I just now realized that all my stupid behaviour patterns are just ad(h)d. Thanks for this sub, i feel amazing right now.",0 "I can’t understand why peoples are so obsessed with possession nowadays. “If you upgrade your house, you might have a gf”, “if you change your lifestyle, your fashion, you’ll be better”. No, it’s not. If you’re depressed, living in a penthouse or a townhouse is not different. Sometimes I just want to throw away all the stuffs in my house. Why need a sofa when you never have a guest? why need a fancy dining table when you never eat at home? Many ppl own so many things in their house just to impress their friends, guests, etc. They want to prove that their life is healthy but it’s not.",2 "I had no idea what ocd truly was until recently when i experienced trans ocd at the age of 20. I am still not diagnosed, but I hope it is/was ocd. At high school i had a ""phase"" where i never let my friends or strangers to touch my stuff at school. I'd be irritated if my friend scooted my school bag a little,I'd memorize how my school bag is perching on the desk to see if anyone touched or rummaged through it when i wasn't around.One day i had to go to the toilet so bad, but i could not bring my phone with me, so my friend offered to hold it for me. After a lot of pondering, i myself put my phone in their chest pocket, looked them in the eyes and made them promise that they wouldn't touch it. Needless to say i came back halfway on my way to the bathroom, and got my phone back. It wasn't that i was afraid of germs i just didn't want anyone's hands on my stuff. I believed it made them less as mine(for a lack of a better wording).It was like i knew their handprint was on it, and i didn't want that? Was it a type of contamination ocd?",1 "NSFW Possible Trigger:Reference to shooting Hi, This is my first time posting anything on here, but I just feel like anyone hears me because I truly have no one to talk to right now. Long story short I went through a shooting last year. It wasn’t a big one and sometimes I just get worried that somehow I made it up. So I read articles about it over and over. Commit his name to memory. Watch the video of right before it occurred. And I end up driving myself to a panic attack and to be honest I have no clue why I do this. It makes me feel 10X worse once I’m done, but I also feel like I need to prove to myself like it did happen. Does anyone do anything similar? Am I just going crazy? Is there any hope that one day I’ll be okay? If there’s anything wrong with this post feel free to take it down, but I truly feel so alone and just want someone, anyone to hear me right now.",3 "I'm so angry rn I want to hurt myself. I've been depressed for 6 years now. 6 f*cking years. Meds don't help, can't afford therapy. I am doing all I can. I eat healthy and I started exercising but every goddamn time I try to do something for myself I'm being sabotaged by everyone, i. e. my disabled father who needs help every 10 minutes and keeps whining how bad me and my mother are for no reason. We're taking care of him around the clock. Why is he so ungrateful? I get it, he has it really bad and I feel sorry for him but what am I supposed to do about him being disabled? I'm just 19. I don't care anymore, I'm trash and I don't deserve to live. I know this rant is very chaotic but that's how I feel. And I guess it doesn't really matter cuz no one reads my posts and I keep deleting them anyways. I'm just tired, man, I constantly feel numb and guilty, nothing is fun anymore. I just want to be happy but it's impossible, I tried everything I could afford. I don't even know what's wrong with me, maybe that's how life is and no one is actually happy and I really am a ""whiny brat who needs his ass beaten"". Those are the words of a psychiatrists I've been to when I told him about my suicidal thoughts. Never again am I asking anyone for help. I think I'm really going to die soon. Sorry for this stupid post guys, I hope at least you're doing better. Take it easy Edit: Thank you all for your supportive comments, I really appreciate every single of them. I also hope all of you will live a happy life despite the problems you're currently facing. Take care!",2 "I have recently been thinking things I never would have imagined a few years ago. I had two mental breakdowns in school today, and I couldn't stop thinking about both wanting to somehow hurt myself (I was poking myself with my pencil constantly today) and how much I wish I wasn't here. I thought way too much about death today (I don't have a way of doing it), but I just really don't want to face the future. I have come face-to-face with the reality that I have lost the will to live. I don't really care about anything anymore, but of course I don't want to feel this way. I don't like the path I'm going down, and I'm worried something horrible will happen to me. My depression has NEVER been this bad, and I don't know how to manage surviving the rest of this week. The initial causes of it are gone, but now I'm so pessimistic about my future that I don't see any good ending. I just want someone to assure me it will be ok. I'm so lonely. Even after a good week in therapy this all happened.",2 "For me I feel like it’s a struggle in that I either end up acquaintances or friends with women, or if I like one I just don’t interact and I’m nervous and just can’t flirt for shit, and I never get to know them at all. All of this has led to me as a 22 year old who has never been on a date or had a girlfriend, and I have Aspergers. I’m just worried I’ll be lucky if I end up with a legit long term relationship with a woman at 36 years old.",3 "TW:: ENTOMOPHOBIA I made the mistake of looking at a post on r/oddlyterrifying about a house centipede, relived an experience with a spider, remembered that in Sep/Oct this year we had a wasp problem, and that there was LADYBUGS in my spare room last month. Now i feel itchy, sweaty, breathless, and i want to go and clean everywhere and bleach everything and check my cats and their paws and dust and oh my god i can feel things crawling on me why do i do this to myself???? I just want to scratch my skin until it falls off so that my brain will shut up! **screams**",1 "Hello ! So recently I decided to bite the bullet and pay for a private autism assessment. It's so painfully obvious at how much I need it , I struggle so much but I feel like I'm constantly pushing any potential help. Either that or I feel totally alienated when I do try to get help. Like when I'm speaking in support groups it's like I'm speaking a different language I just can't quite get their perspective. I'm always on the fringe and being misunderstood. I've also realised some of my flaws , like deficit in reading people and their expressions etc , I just feel like I get taken for a ride and manipulated and when they have hidden intentions half the time I don't realise. Recently I've been so stressed over job searching and it's been really manifesting in really bad and sore eczema which has been stopping me sleeping properly. So I've been stimming like crazy recently , trying to answer interview questions like ""making effective decisions in the work a place"" or something about team work or interpersonal skills. I can't wrap my head round it all. I feel totally paralysed and I like it's impossible. I've been having this total identify crisis over who I am and I hope the assessment and eventual hopeful diagnosis helps. P.s. does anyone want to be my friend , could do with some people who see from similar perspectives it's kinda lonely.",3 The more and more compulsions I do I feel like its stressing my body and killing myself (sharp pains short breating etc). How can I convince my self im going to be safe with this feeling? it feels so real even though ocd tries to trick us. UGH. I know if i cut out compulsions it will stop but maybe it will be too late then.,1 "Hi guys, I really, really need to vent. Last year, this time, I found a decent therapist and got a lot of medication, which seemed to work well. However, covid came and my life turned into an absolute hellhole. I have ocd, bpd and adhd combined with depression. Covid made all of them a hundred times worse, everything went to absolute shit. I can't function properly. I can't go through each day without intrusive thoughts taking over me. I cannot study properly, cannot focus on anything, I can't even do online classes properly because I just keep zoning out and I just can't control it. There's so much going on and I don't even know where to start. My therapist isn't working and my parents won't let me change. Mental health services aren't exactly at the best place in the country I live in. I have college admissions coming up, and I can't seem to focus on studies or my future without getting consumed by suicidal thoughts. I've lost all will to live. I just need some guts, to finally end my life. That's all I want. My parents have been toxic to me in a lot of ways. And I just keep getting into these fights with my mum which push me to the point where I have to hurt myself in order to stay calm. I can't do this anymore, I can't live like this. Covid got much better earlier this year, which sparked some hope, but now it's worse than ever. It's just terrible. We've been on lockdown for weeks now, and I don't know for how many weeks this will go on. I'm sick and tired of this, I'm gonna go insane if I keep staying home all the time like this, with no physical contact with anyone, or in person interaction. It's like, all I'm motivated to do is kill myself. On top of that, I broke up with my boyfriend quite recently and my intrusive and obsessive thoughts have been worse since.",1 "How effective are they now, vs when you first started taking them? How many times have you needed to modify your dosage? Have you changed meds over the years? Adderall has been life changing for me and it has only been a few weeks since I started. I keep having thoughts though that it will stop working eventually.",0 "HELL(P) ​ I dont wish for insane luck, I just dont want my brain fucked But that aint an option, never with you You'll make it your greatest mission to ruin everything I do You'll take me to task, make me question this I do everything I can to understand what this posession is ""Depression this, monster that"" I aint being woe is me, I'm just expressing facts You took everything from me, every positive thought Steal my whole life, so you're all that I got I try to relax, sit back and keep still I'll never know the experience to feel a cheap thrill A few minutes of peace, that's all that I get I may look fine to them but I'm under deep threat I got a demon that I cannot control I hear it screaming internally, burning my soul Fine on the outside but something lays dormant and when I explode my struggles labelled a performance But that's just me, that's just my life I wish they could see, I'm just trying to make things right I'll speak to every doctor and take every pill Whatever it takes before I lose my will It's my own fault, stuck here in what seems to feel like an exclusive spot I'LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO HAVE NO MORE INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS Berate me, sedate me, tell me to die You leave me in a state, and as a grown man I cry I've lived with you for every minute of every day You do your best to show me how life could go in a horrific way ""If you don't do this then your family are dead!"" I have to do what you say to save the fear and the dread I know it's messed up and all in my head I'm just fed up, cause it's all in my head. ​ \- Tony McG, 06/10/21 until forever",1 "I just want someone to relate to me. I have emotional Contamination OCD with my mom. She is a narcissist and I guess growing up, my brain was trying to get me to avoid her as much as possible. Even though I havent seen her in a year, OCD still fucks with me everyday. My dad took half the furniture from our old house in the divorce. My bed frame, my dresser, it's all contaminated because she touched it at one point. I dont even use the dresser, and I cover my bed frame in 2 fitted sheets and towels. But the worst of it? Is my car. She contaminated it, and for over a year, Ive been trying to not let it affect my life. Ive tried wiping it down many times. But the thing with my OCD is the longer I ignore it, the stronger it comes to bite me in the ass. The past few months have been really difficult. I cant drive my car without feeling disgusting, grimey, greasy and gross. I despise driving that stupid car. Everytime I think of her contaminating it (she cleaned it without my permission) I feel furious. She KNEW she was making my life harder. And it worked, because a year later, I barely leave the house anymore. I stopped many of my hobbies like geocaching. I stopped studying at coffee shops. I dont want to go for hikes. I put it up for sale, and now Im just waiting for a buyer. I think I might actually cry when I can finally buy a new, non contaminated car. I just want my fucking life back. I dont want to separate my clothes into ""car clothes"" and ""home clothes"" anymore. Even my driving has gotten shittier because Im SO uncomfortable driving. I hate my mom for a lot of things, but seriously fuck her for doing this to me. Im so angry at her that I'm even starting to have dreams where I hit her, kick her, and scream at her (I would never do this in real life and I feel bad when I wake up). My grades are tanking because I barely have any energy to accomplish daily tasks after driving that car. It's seriously starting to become hell and I cant wait until someone buys the car so I can finally get a new vehicle and get my goddamn life back.",1 "I like black and white posters, with no pictures. And I like being told what to do(instructively, not authoritatively). I like learning systems and implementing them. I don’t come up with ideas, I just memorize patterns and use them. But recently I have been coming up with little things to do at work that would make my work flow a little easier, and after running it by my supervisors, they want to integrate those ideas for our whole department. I never thought my brain could contribute something so useful that it might help others. How strange to re-learn your brain after a lifetime of “knowing yourself”",0 "I started a new job and my biggest fear is getting everyone to hate me because my social skills are trash or I constantly fail at tasks given to me. Usually in high school everyone would hate me by the end of the year. I'm a very blunt and honest person but I haven't told anyone about my ADHD. I don't think its hard to figure out (ex. Poor eye contact, fidgeting) but I'm worried that people will realize how dumb I can actually be. I kinda compensate to hide it. I often show up so early so I won't get late, and its boring and kinda awkward. I have not called a day off yet because I don't want them to think im lazy. Can anyone else relate or have advice?",0 "Hello r/OCD, although I never feel perfectly fine, I actually have been better lately, and that's why I haven't been positng much lately. I always tell myself that I was a dumb kid when I did all the bad stuff that haunts me now, because it's true. But I just saw a story on IG of a mutual saying how it's ok for young teens to make mistakes, as teens do bad stuff due to their development, but then they said some things are not apart of normal development. And this got me thinking, even though I was a dumb kid who didn't realise any better, am I still a bad person no matter what? My mistakes have definitely been a lot worse than my friends', but I seriously didn't understand why it was all so bad back then. I'm disgusted with myself now, and I know I'd never do those bad things again, however, now my mind is telling me that it doesn't matter, and that everyone should hate me. I feel evil. I just want to be good and have my life back. Can anyone relate? And also, question: do you think kids learn at different rates than others? For example, it took me a while to understand right from wrong to a tee, so this is why I feel incredibly awful about my real event obsessions. It would mean a lot if someone could reply. Thank you.",1 "Not sure if this belongs here - open to other subs that may be more appropriate Also - Not officially diagnosed (because healthcare providers are the worst at seeking help) but I can't think of how else to describe my issue. I had a friend (maybe frenemy? Not sure at this point) starting in 2007 (there's a story behind that, but it's awkward). However, I always had a ton of insecurities about myself because of her, despite us getting along and having a lot in common. In 2015/16 she just randomly unfriended and blocked me (eventually unblocked but I got off social media other than instagram so it didn't matter). That has bothered me to no end. Through all these years (14), I've had completely obsessive thoughts about her. Comparing a lot, using her as a gauge for all I do and am, literally see her in everything I do/eat/listen to /watch/read/etc. I have literally tried everything to get my focus off of her, but hours of my day are spent thinking about her, about what she's doing, about comparing our lives and trying to learn everything about her so I determine if/when would be a good time to reach out. These thoughts have become a detriment to my own life and I keep thinking that since the method of 'just stop thinking about her' obviously hasn't worked in 14 years - maybe trying to talk to her and clear things up would help? Does closure or an answer or anything like that actually help reduce obsessive thoughts? Or am I just crazy? TL:DR - Been losing my mind for 14 years obsessing over an ended friendship. Should I try to talk to her or use a different technique to stop the thoughts?",1 "Hi guys, I am new here. I have ptsd for 5 months, but i have very bad background with constant health struggles, so thing just have become the worst. I read many stuff for the last months, i tryed cbt therapy, EMDR and hypnotherapy, but this made things much worse. Before therapy I could remember my trauma and worked on it, but after therapy my symptoms have become worse and I cant normally remember my trauma. Also I live in Russia and there are not much of professional cure for PTSD. I read that the brain needs about 32-64 months to return to the normal function... So what is your experience? Ironycally is that I am a neurologist, and i have not a clue about it. As I understand is that the ""trauma"" is just a severe biochemical imbalances in our brains, that affect our bodies at the same time that needed to be restore... Because as I understand it is not important what kind of trauma people have, because all have the similar symptoms.. My brain do not function at all, and after i wake up I need 4-5 hours to stand on my legs. Also what helped you to live thith this disease? Did you yous meds? Meds made me feel very bad, so i do not want to take them..",3 "Is mental health an issue people on the spectrum suffer from a lot? I'm not sure yep if I am on the spectrum but I suspect I have a few traits. When it comes to mental health, I notice my body can feel shaky, sometimes my hand feeling shaky. I notice this in a social setting sometimes when one is expected to converse and be involved with people. It happens sometimes at parties or if met a significant others family. Feels like I'm on the edge just can't relax my nerves. I've always wondered if it's some form of anxiety. At times my mind goes blank as well. I know what to say but don't remember what it is. I have negative thoughts about how my social interaction was with people. Feel that it didn't go well. I don't think I have any depressive states, but sometimes feel lonely internally because I realise my lack of social circle or close connection with people.",3 "I’ve seen it before, widely common in the art community for me. Or around the Internet actually, of mental illness in general. Have you ever been fetishized for your illness or encountered someone who does?",3 "I was diagnosed with ASD so I don’t know where I stand, I assume Aspergers, but I’m under the spectrum. Do any of you feel like you have worse days with it and better days? Like for me sometimes it feels others can tell I have ASD, and on other days, it’s almost invisible?",3 "I was diagnosed with ADHD when i was young. I’m forgetful, have trouble focusing on a task, easily distracted, have difficulties retaining information from things i’ve read, and the list goes on. Of all of the difficulties i’ve had to live with day to day, the most problematic for me was my anger management, or lack there of. Growing up i was a happy person, but anger was a very strong emotion for me. Best described as a kettle boiling over. I don’t remember ever going from 0-100 in a flash, my level of anger would climb as the situation continued. Definitely quicker sometimes than others, but there was always a climb. As i grew up and matured, i was aware this was not okay and that i needed to work on it. Over time, i learned to catch myself before i let the “kettle” boil over. I got better at letting things go. Obviously there has been the odd situation that got away from me still. I’m not perfect. But overall, i’d say i had things more or less under control. So much so that my wife, that i’ve been together with for over 4 years, hasn’t seen anything even remotely close to my full potential and it’s never been directed at her. Obviously i’ve talked with her about it, but I take pride in the fact that she truely has no idea, and hopefully never will. This year i became a Dad. Life is good. Love this kid more than i ever thought possible. But something about him crying, or not taking a bottle, or the “pick me up, no put me down, but don’t put me down”…. It’s not a kettle. In those situations, it’s a hair light trigger. I don’t know what it is, but something about a baby screaming, or being difficult just immediately gets my blood boiling. I think horrible impulsive things, none of which i’ve acted on. The worst i’ve done was raise my voice to him, which i immediately regretted. I raised my voice to a 7 month old baby, who does that!? … I’ve done things like put him down in his crib and leave him crying so i can take a second to bring myself back down. I constantly have classical music playing which i find helps. I’ve done breathing exercises to calm down. But this is not okay. It scares me and i need to resolve it. Any advise? Can anyone relate and what are things you do to help keep calm and cool? I know everyone’s going to mention medications and therapy. I was on meds through out high school and would like to avoid it. I did not feel okay while taking them and ended up going off of them. I’ve been able to manage this on my own up until now, i would like to try and get a handle on this myself before i jump onto meds. As for therapy, i’m not against it. Just wanting to explore all avenues.",0 "I think I've salvaged something, but I need to explain this into the internet aether. Maybe It'll help me move on. I'll be as brief as possible. Yesterday I got on the wrong bus, reminding my mother yet again that I'm stupid. Felt awful. Whilst I was trapped at some random station, one of my flatmates messaged me. I'm new to the flat, new to being messaged by people. they're trying to include me in their group, invite me to things, generally just to be friendly and welcoming. In this message, she asked if I was okay with everything. They smoke often (marijuana) and one of them has a boyfriend over. They're quite loud, but I've told them that I'm low maintenance. I really don't care what they do, so long as no sex-worker dismemberment or meth cooking occurs whilst I'm home. So, naturally, brain goes into overdrive. Why would she ask me this? She even said that she's ""worried"". What reason have I given for her to worry? I decided the only logical conclusion to be drawn from all this friendliness that there were selfish motives to it. I presented this theory with the utmost confidence. I didn't accuse, though it probably seemed that way. I just asked. She and her friends were afraid that I'd report them for the weed, the guests, the noise. THAT'S why they were being nice. This is nonsense, of course, I can see this in hindsight. But I broke character. I can't imagine how upsetting it is to have genuinely good intentions be met with a wall of text rant. It was mostly me just ensuring her that I'd never report anyone and that I really don't mind. I apologised, but so did she, for being ""intrusive"". She was not being intrusive. She was being kind. I explained this morning to everyone else in the flat that I struggle to interpret pretty much anything in the social sphere and that combining this with anxiety leads to me panicking like a crazy person. They seemed accepting. But I've already ruined it. I was really hoping to continue being a part of things , however awkward it felt. I feel better about it than I did last night, but the fact that I took someone's kindness and twisted it into something terrible like that, probably frightened her away from being anything approaching open with me ever again. I showed myself. The icky, convoluted, self-absorbed, cynical, paranoid sub dermis. Interpreting anything from them has only been made more difficult. I want to cease to be.",3 "Every night I have the same dreams, they are of some past experiences that will never go away. There are always two. The first one is when I was 10, it starts with me being beaten by family. The second with a part of my 13 year old self watching a man die. When I was 10 I was beaten every day by my parents and people who your supposed to trust I remember all of them every second of each punch, kick and being thrown. When I was 13 I was walking at home from school and I saw someone on there knees begging for change. So I gave them my left over lunch money 5.73$ I counted it out before I gave it to them. When I walked away I looked back at the man to see someone else standing above him with a gun. The guy sitting offered what I gave him to the man but I heard him say it wasn't enough. I watched as the man with the gun pulled the trigger and the guy sitting fell limp to the ground. The man ran away and I sat down were I was and just looked even when the sitting man was taken away. I remember these things every night. I see it all happen over and over again. I don't tell my wife why I scream at night. I don't say why I can't be left alone. I have panic attacks from what I've seen and have happened to me. I am afraid and alone. I've never been able to speak to anyone about this and I never will. I see the bearings and the limp body even when I'm awake. I've tried to hang myself or jump off my roof to get rid of the images. Nothing helps. I'm afraid that nothing ever will.",3 "I'm depressed. I have been since high school. I recognize it in hindsight, having slept through nearly my entire junior year. Though, acknowledging it doesn't feel right. It feels more like an excuse I've conjured to hide apathy or laziness. In fact, I'm not lazy. I work 8-5, or 6, or 7, or 5am in the morning. I've worked side jobs simultaneously for a decade. I'm the single mother of a young, only child. 3 jobs, 4, 5, I've been there. I am there. I'm in hiding. Suffering from smiling depression or high functioning depression perhaps.  My coworkers, network, acquaintances, and surface friends have no clue ... at least, I don't think they do. The part I play is well rehearsed. When my public facade begins to crack, I go into hiding. I have a moderately successful career, an active social presence, and a kempt appearance. I've spoken about my thoughts with two family members. The only two I've got. They have their own lives, wants, concerns,  priorities. We are close and we are not close. I hardly sleep. 3am triggers my internal alarm. When I do find rest, I sleep for hours on end. For 20 years, I hardly ate. Once I began, I started binging. I gained 20 lbs in a month. I've been smoking for 20 years and it feels like the least of my problems. I question every inch of everything, study, research, over analyze. I spend hours, full days and/or nights sometimes, searching for answers to problems that just won't quit. I do so without breaks. It's madness really. I dwell on things for far too long. Unable to let go. Unable to move on. I obsess. It's 2am right now. Tonight's topic is depression. Am I depressed? If I write it out, will I be able to see it? Believe it? Find an answer? I've thought about suicide. I've made no plans, nothing concrete anyhow, but I have thought about the how. I've thought about some of the things I'll need to take care of first - for my daughter. On that note, I'll never leave her. Never, never, never, never, never. I wouldn't dare harm her in this way. I would never jeopardize her health, happiness, and potential. I love her more than words. I will sacrifice my all. Thoughts of suicide merely serve as a temporary escape. A moment of reprieve - damn this is fucked up. I do not have insurance. I do not qualify for Medicaid and I cannot afford coverage in addition to living and child care costs. I do this alone. It would be nice to speak with someone but... ah well. Some of my other posts reveal that I am a survivor of domestic violence. I've been fighting to maintain my daughter's saftey in court for years. The system is broken and I am perpetually afraid. I still think about how we'll escape if her father ever shows up with a gun. My mother is numb. Void of emotion or concern. Hell, she allowed me to sleep through that junior year without a word. She saw no issue leaving me (17) in LA with a 60 year old roommate who insisted on ""holding my hand."" Her lack of action is not intentional. It is a condition of her upbringing. I housed and cared for my abusive, alcoholic, sick and dying father for 8 years. I did so while I worked and attended school. I remember sitting up nights listening to him cough. I sat alone with him as he died. I sang him out. I began my young adult life on the street with a group of ""lost boys"" after witnessing the accidental death of a friend. We found food, warmth, and shelter in various places. We stuck together. This may have been the only time in my life I felt safe. Homeless and safe - Ha! I was surrounded by people I could trust and depend on. I never quit ... never. I triumphed through it all. I rose, and rose, and rose. I educated myself, worked obsessively, and launched my career. I've given the sun, moon, and stars to my amazing child. I've safeguarded her thus far at the expense of my sanity. 👆 These posts are attached to another (less anonymous) account. I've mentioned suicide here and I wouldn't dare allow for a slip that would cost me my child. So, yes, it's clear why I suffer. I'm just tired and desperately sad. Perhaps, another devastating life trial is the answer. Too busy, to beaten, and to fraught to dwell in sadness is the best headspace for me. I could use some help. - Love waves from me to you",2 "I've been fine all month, infact I've been great, then boom, one trigger and I got so stressed out I couldn't function and wanted to cry. What on earth is happening...",3 "I've been applying to jobs and there's always the question of ""do you have any disabilities"" and ptsd is an option. I never check it because I don't want to miss out on a job opportunity when I can mask it pretty well. I also don't want to have a superior knowing I have it and seeing me as fragile or unable to do the job of others. I think its more of a pride thing, idk",3 "[Here's last week's Solitude Project Saturday](https://old.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/nnpehk/solitude_project_saturday_what_projects_are_you/) **So, /r/aspergers, what projects do you have on the go right now? Any ideas on the backburner for one reason or another? Any ideas just in the planning phase?** Even if you are working on them with someone else, they still apply here. If you can mention the interest that you have that relates to the project, that would be great; it may help others.",3 "My boyfriend and I have been together two years, he knows I have anxiety and OCD but I try to not go into detail about the themes and thoughts because 1) I’m embarrassed and 2) I’m afraid he won’t understand. Recently I opened up to him about a thought I was getting (about him cheating on me with my friend) and I told him I don’t want reassurance or advice and he immediately got defensive and then abruptly ended the conversation. This has happened before whilst trying to talk about my mental health, he doesn’t often talk about his feelings and takes it personally or it ends in an argument. How can I get him to understand? I want to be able to share my thoughts as ocd is part of who I am.",1 "I recently got a new job at a different location in my company, in the women’s fashion business. My job is very customer facing. Today, I experienced a flashback at work while helping customers and decided to do something radical (radical for me): tell my boss what was happening. I pulled her aside and told her that sometimes I get scared someone will hurt me, or that my abuser will just figure out where I work and come through the door for me. She looked me in the eyes and said: “I would literally catch a charge if someone tried to hurt you. We love you. Go drink some water.” We’ve known each other for a week. Maybe two. Not even long term partners of mine have responded to my panic attacks like this. I am so, incredibly thankful. I didn’t know what to say to her or how to say thank you, but I wanted to write about this moment. Hopefully, there are more people like my new boss in my life and in all of your lives. I feel safe at work now.",3 "Hello I’m a 20 something male here. Recently I had been suffering from depression and anxiety for a couple of months. I also have adhd, but my psychiatrist wanted to treat the depression and anxiety first. Eventually I convinced him to put me on focolin (can’t spell sorry). He said that even with clients with adhd he gives them focolin as an adjunct to depression medicine. I just started today, but I feel a difference. It can still be hard for me to do one thing, pick a video to watch and all that, but I don’t feel the negative feelings that I had before. I feel oddly a bit my energies, confident, happy, like I want to do things. People say medicine isn’t magic and I’m of course gonna continue with therapy and other stuff, but like wow. Anyone else have this experience?",0 "...not great... . . I'm beginning to think she's a major part of my depression.",2 "Yesterday it was said to me wether id ever thought I may have ADHD. Honestly, It had never even entered my head. This will probably seem like a long endless stream of thought, sorry about that. For years and years I have just put my personality and the way my brain seems to work down to trauma in my youth. My dad killed himself when I was 11, after being missing for 18months ( we knew he'd done it, as it wasn't his first attempt) I then suffered physical abuse from a step father and sexual abuse from another male, at the age of 13. Around this time I developed some habits which I guess I always called 'ocd traits' such as counting the number of times I touched things in pairs (always in 4's) and continually checking if my laces were left inside my shoes. Light switches etc. I also have had Impulses to say strange things that get stuck in my head. I still do that now with my kids, weird phrases or songs that they find quite funny. I have phrases and little songs that I've used since my teens! I procrastinate massively, always leaving tasks until the last minute, which I have always thought, that's just how I work best. I got into a lot of debt in my younger years through online shopping, I become addicted to one particular gadget or hobby that then consumes me from morning to night. I can't stop reading reviews or checking deals websites. But then when I get the thing, or start the hobby, the enjoyment isn't there and I move on to something else. I've also made impulsive decisions with work (leaving a couple of jobs midway through the day with no fallback option) and relationships in the past. I get into these cycles of seeming depression and boredom where I just can't seem to shake the feeling of 'whats the point of things'. I get frustrated easily and can be very impatient with minor things. I've really tried to work on this as I want to be a good dad obviously! My wife is always telling me to talk myself up more, especially in front of the kids. I have the habit of always downplaying anything I do. I really really find it hard to go to bed at a good time, as I have this constant feeling that I need to make the most of any free time I get. I feel like crap in the morning and tell my self that I'll get an early night, but when evening comes I just scroll YouTube or watch something on my phone until the early hours. I get to the point where I wake up with a banging headache and become ill with a cold or something and sort of force myself to have to go to bed. Then the cycle continues! I never considered myself to have anxiety really, but in the last couple years I've realised that it's buried and comes out in ways I didn't recognise. I would suffer panic in bed where I would overheat and become short of breath. I'd get pains in my chest and sometimes feelings of nausea for 2 or 3 days. This would usually happen when I had something happening at work, or a new situation had arisen that I suppose I was worried about subconsciously. I struggle with organisation and always have done. I now use an app that my wife lists jobs for me to do that I tick off. That helps massively. I have always considered myself to have an 'addictive personality'. Wether it's drugs, sex (and the pursuit of it when younger) or collecting/ buying things. I'm sorry this is just a massive list really. It has blown my mind that there may be an actual 'thing' that has happened in my brain that explains some of how I am. I've got to this point just accepting that I've been shaped this way. But if there is any benefit to getting some help with certain behaviours, it'll be amazing. As I want to be a great dad focusing on my kids, not spending my days with them saying ""hang on, in a minute"" while I read a review on some random piece of tech that I think I must get. I don't want to be getting irritated in front of them over nothing. Thanks if you made it all the way to here! Apologies again for the essay.",0 "I have the most unstable appetite and I wonder if it’s due to my adhd. I struggled with ED in high school but have since thought to have a healthy relationship with food. Now I have weird habits of eating and I wonder if it because of my past relationship with food or adhd. My appetite I’ve noticed is based on my menstrual cycle, as the only time I genuinely feel hunger is the week prior to starting my period. Otherwise I simply eat because people around me are eating. I just recently noticed this pattern once my boyfriend started asking me “what did you eat today” or “have you eaten today” and many times I’d simply forgotten. It isn’t like it was in the past where I would purposefully suppress my thoughts of hunger or avoid meals but I go the whole day without eating without noticing. When I do eat, I eat a lot, and when people suggest a meal or going out to eat I get excited but me on my own, the thought of eating doesn’t cross my mind unless it’s the week before my period. So my question is, is this something else people experience with adhd or is the an extension of my previous ED?",0 It's been hard these past few days and hard to resist to confess I just wanna confess and confess everyday all day and I'm just scared that what if my friends are bad people for saying an edgy joke does that make me a bad person for hanging out with them when they're not edgy they're the kindest human beings I've ever met I can't seem to stop ruminating ever you guys' too?,1 "This may be triggering, so if you are triggered easily, please read no further. It talks a lot about suicide, and has some gory parts. If any of that triggers you, please do not read this post. A little backstory first: I'm 15, she's 16, and we live across the country from each other. We'll call her girl 1. I met her in March, and talked her out of suicide. We started going out 3 days later, and she seemed like she was doing better (which she was, she had stopped self harm entirely and hasn't since then). She had some real problems that I didn't know about though, which first surfaced for me in late March. This is the anniversary of her girlfriends death, who we'll call girl 2. Girl 2 died two years ago in late March 2018. She had been having horrible dreams about it for awhile, but she never remembered afterward. I know she was having dreams because she'd talk in her sleep. Whenever she had the dream, she would always say the same thing, and the same thing would happen every time. She'd start saying ""Put the gun down"", and repeat that for about a minute, then start saying ""I will too, I will too"", and saying that for about 30 seconds. Then, she'd go quiet for two minutes, and then suddenly start crying and softly screaming ""No, no, no, no, no, no, why, why, no, no."" After she calms down a little bit, she starts saying ""I'm sorry. I'm sorry I failed you."" She'll repeat that for about a minute and a half, then go quiet, and wake up suddenly. She would never remember, but on the anniversary, she did. She remembered everything in perfect detail. It was horrifying. She told me what it looked like when she pulled the trigger, how her face was mutilated, how the blood, hair, and brain matter looked on the wall. It was horrifying. The next morning girl 1 didn't remember anything at all. She didn't remember anything past midnight. About 3 weeks later, I found out she was having these awful hallucinations of all sorts of things having to do with girl 2's, and of varying severity. The best ones were blood on the wall, and the worst was a legion of girl 2s after she shot herself blaming girl 1 for her death and telling her she needed to die for what she did. Later, she opened up a little more and told me that she'd been having hallucinations for two years, essentially since Amber died. The next time she had a bad hallucination, it was girl 2, after she shot herself, covered in blood, crawling across the bed toward girl 1, telling her she was going to kill her. I have told her many stories about when me meet up, about cuddling, our first date, etc. I told her a story, and I made that hallucination go away. Since then, I have been able to stop hallucinations just about at will. I made her a recording of all the stories I ever wrote for her, and listening to them can stop hallucinations. They are constant though, and I feel powerless against them. I have suggested she get professional help, but she has shut down to that idea every time I bring it up. Is there anything else I could be doing to help her? I just want to make everything as easy as possible for her. Sorry for the long post. Also, I really hope this doesn't count as asking for medical advice. I'm just looking for some strategies to help",3 "Anyone knows about studies looking at the side effects of cellphone/digital media addiction on people with adhd? Recently I realised that limiting cellphone use massively increased my disposition, confidence and productibity while considerably reducing my anxiety and feelings of dissociation. It also fixed me sleep schedule. I've made other adjustments to my routine, but I'm honestly shocked at how much staying away from the digital world made me feel better about myself these last days. I might take some time to respond, sorry about that.",0 "I can't speak for everybody but i know that for myself, i spent 20 years completely in the dark of my ADHD and had no idea that my symptoms were the main root of 90% of my issues mentally and physically. Sometimes i still get myself down because obviously as much as the right treatment can be called a 'magic pill', it still doesn't undo years of being told that you are stupid, less intelligent and the years of confusion and frustration. it doesn't take away the years of programming that the way you are is your fault. But with all said, it's important when you're feeling discouraged to look back at how far you've come! Like hey, we might have days where our heads are going 1000mph but look at all the insane stuff you're doing now which would never had happened if you didn't take the brave leap to seek out treatment, especially with all stigmas attached. You're f\*cking killing it! Just thought some of you might need to hear that.",0 "Hi, all. I'm a 24 year-old man with Asperger's Syndrome, and I am confused over something: what is sexual harassment? I'm not being obtuse or willfully ignorant, I am just genuinely confused by the (what I see as) lack of consistency with definitions, with forum thread upon forum thread I've read for the last five months saying different things. Now, I myself know for a fact that I've never, ever had non-consensual sexual intercourse (just to point this out), I've never sent unsolicited photos or videos of myself, I've never asked for such material, I've never 'catcalled', exposed myself, or done any of the most egregious (and unfortunately, common) examples of sexual harassment. I have wondered, ''.....Perhaps, as a man, I'm not experiencing flirting in the same way most women are?''. I would imagine this is definitely true, as to be honest, I was under the (potentially naïve assumption) that most boys and men were like my brother and myself, and our close male-friends - i.e., respectful and such (not to sound 'holier-than-thou'). As such, when 'Me Too' and 'Time's Up' began as social movements in 2017, I was genuinely shocked to see the reality of global misogyny - I just didn't notice - partly because I'm not a lady, but also because I wasn't doing (nor did I know anybody who was doing) these behaviours. The reason why this subject matters to me is twofold; for one, I have always considered myself an intersectional feminist, and a socially-justice-oriented person by nature, and feel that respecting others and being polite is very important. Therefore, I would hate to think that I've sexually harassed anybody, as it wouldn't sit well with me morally, whatsoever. Second-fold, I have been dealing with an often-misunderstood sub-type of OCD for the last two years called pure-'O', and one of my 'themes' has been a pathological fear of hurting or mistreating women - this has led me to painstakingly mentally search through the annals of my personal history to find any moral inconsistency; thus far, I can't find any. The only mistake I can think of that I made with a woman was in July 2020, when I assumed it was okay to restart a sexual conversation with a woman I'd been flirting with two weeks prior, due to the recent precedent, even though I hadn't spoken to her in two weeks. Once I realised my embarrassing error, she couldn't have been nicer about forgiving me, which I appreciated. So, returning to my opening question - what is sexual harassment? I've spoken to three of my closest girl-friends and they categorized such behaviour as refusing to take 'no' for an answer after a sexual advance has been made, which I initially accepted. One of my closest friends even said that as long as I'm not sending unsolicited photographs of myself (which she said she knows I'd never do), I've nothing to worry about. However, I've seen other definitions that imply that if one makes a verbal flirtatious advance (which is what I have done, as I generally don't touch others, so it's not as though I'm touching people without their consent, which I know is awful) and you have no 'reasonable' thought to assume that they'll be receptive, then that first 'move', so to speak, is in and of itself harassment. I think, maybe, what I've misunderstood is what 'flirting' is. So, when I was in high-school, there was a lady I had feelings for and I drew her a picture and baked flapjacks for her, as that is what I thought I had to do (and what I felt comfortable doing) as a flirtatious endeavor. Certainly, I had no concept of sex or anything. I thought, ''.....Oh, maybe we could hold hands at one point, and maybe go to the cinema''. Now, she was very kind and polite and happy to talk to me and received the gifts with graciousness and so I assumed that this was a good thing, as it must mean that she was happy. Then, I remember asking her how she felt one day and she told me she didn't feel the same way, and I felt very embarrassed and guilty that I'd done something wrong. I went home that Friday afternoon in January 2013 (aged 15, as she was), and apologised via Facebook for not having registered her non-verbal cues that she wasn't interested, and I explained my condition. Now, bare in mind that I'd never spoken sexually with her at all, as to me, flirting meant romantic gestures, or courting. She was annoyed at me for not noticing that she wasn't interested, and accused me of using my condition as an 'excuse', citing her mother who worked with autistic people, who 'wouldn't do that'. This hurt me deeply, as I have never and will never consciously do something that I know is wrong or anti-social and then scapegoat my condition, ever. In fact, most in the autistic community wouldn't do that. Also, with all due respect to her, just because her mother worked with autistic children, does not mean that she knows every single person with autism, or their individual personalities. Our interaction here led to her blocking me and then our Drama and Theatre Studies teacher had to mediate between us, and she explained to her (the lady) that it was the case that I sincerely didn't notice her lack of interest; I just misread her. As our teacher was the parent of a son with Asperger's Syndrome, I think she understood where I was coming from. After this, I never 'courted' her again, though we were on friendly terms for the rest of high-school and in fact, I came across her in 2017 when we were both 19 on Tinder, and I apologised for my behaviour. I said, ''.....I'm sorry if I ever came on too strong'', and she said, ''.....Oh, don't worry about it, you're fine, you didn't do anything wrong'', which made me feel good to know that she was okay. It was nice to talk with her, and she was quite enthusiastic to talk, which was fun. Looking back, I can sympathize with the fact that even at 15, I can imagine that she might have (even unconsciously, on a reflexive level) just assumed that I was willfully ignoring her, because of the overwhelmingly negative behaviour shown by her male peers. I'm not, therefore, mad at her at all, and see what happened as her slightly overreacting, but not because she was being ignorant; rather, I imagine she was thinking of her own well-being, which is fine. Anyway, back to my point; as expected with the 'social delay' characteristic of Asperger's/autism, my entry into the world of sexually-themed flirting, sex, 'sexting' etc. began quite late, when I had sex for the first time, aged 18. From this point, I realised that flirting can have two components; romantic and sexual. By aged 16, I'd never mentioned anything sexual to anybody. As a result, during the only two post-high-school experiences with women that had happened to me prior to being 18, I came across awkward, and never mentioned anything sexual. The first time was when I was 16, and a 16 year-old girl who I knew would tease me and at one point, I was on the phone to my brother, and she walked past and said, ''.....Oh, is that you're girlfrieeeeend?'' (I've never had a girlfriend), and she smiled playfully and so I playfully hit her bum with the edge of my foot, and she carried on smirking brightly and teasing me afterwards. The second time, a cousin of a friend of mine would be always very happy to see me and say, ''.....Oh, you're so cute'' (I've no idea how, I'm not trying to be) and playfully elbow me and so on, aha. At work, when I was 19 and a woman was 21, she would pinch my hips and call me a ''.....dickhead'' and then continue smiling with me, playfully. However, not only was I not sure she was flirting with me until I asked my brother, but I wasn't confident enough to talk sexually, as I always sounded silly, aha, and during the one time I did and we physically touched another, we were off-site. The only time I ever attempted any 'flirtation' of a sexual nature on-site was when she walked past me as I was in the kitchen making pizza-bases, and she said, ''.....Yeah, spank that dough!'', and I clumsily said, ''.....Yeah, well, you wish it was you!'', and she said, ''.....Excuse me?!'' in a sarcastic tone of voice and then carried on smiling while she laughed. We remained good work colleagues after this, especially after she let me know that she had decided to see somebody else (according to another friend at work, she was looking for a 'rebound', after her boyfriend had cheated on her), to which I accepted immediately, and reverted back to just being her friend. Anyway, I hope this all gives context to my development, on a social-sexual level, so to speak. Aged 24 now, I've realised that I'm definitely asexual, despite my positive sexual experiences, but before I move forwards in life, due to my OCD and high moral-compass, I feel the need to 'double-check' (which is a classic feature of the condition) that I've never sexually harassed anybody. All of the instances I'm worried about occurred online between the ages of 19 and 22, and while I'm pretty sure I've never done anything wrong (bar the above mistake I made last July, which I chalk-up to mind-blindness), I'm seriously at a point of perpetual stress and anxiety and worry that some of my clunky instances of attempting to flirt with women in a softly sexual way, and mirror the confident sexuality that many women have shown towards me at concerts, online (both on and off of dating sites) and in taverns, has effectively led me to inadvertently harass people. I wish (especially as somebody on the spectrum, who enjoys rules) that there was a clear-cut, one-size-fits-all definition of harassment, as the ambiguity across definitions confuses me. Again, I'm not trying to be at all contrarian and difficult, but there seems to be no symmetry between different people's definitions. Some people would say intention does matter, some people say it doesn't, some people say it only occurs if somebody doesn't accept 'no' after being rebuffed, and some people say that even the first attempt at flirting is harassment if you have no 'reasonable reason' to assume that somebody will be receptive to your advances. This, however confuses me, as many women have instigated this type of flirting with me before without me giving verbal consent beforehand, and in spite of me not knowingly 'giving signals'. As far as I understand, flirting is a social art-form that occurs fluidly, as I've experienced (albeit with my terrible, tortured attempts at flirting back). Initially, I always preferred for the lady to make the first soft-sexual advance, I wasn't ever attempting to disrespect her. Indeed, the first time that I ever tried to flirt with a lady online aged 19 (she was 18), I had said, ''.....Can I be intimate with you?''. I later realised that while this made me appear endearing to many of the women I would later know (without me attempting to consciously appear so), it also gave other women the idea that I wasn't confident to even be softly-sexually-flirty. As a result, a lot of women who I met online would 'take the reins', so to speak, and guide the conversation in a flirty way. So, what is sexual harassment? Thank you for reading, and I hope I appeared somewhat articulate.",3 "TW: suicide attempt My now wife attempted suicide 5 or so years ago by overdose. It was really serious. She was on life support for 9 days and then spent two more weeks in the ICU. I managed to get her to the hospital in time. I was with her in the ER. She was awake and talking fine and suddenly started seizing. They rushed me and her parents out of the room into this tiny private waiting area. We sat there waiting for hours. A doctor came in and said she might not make it through the night. She got put on life support. I practically lived at the ICU family room. I’ve been told I fell asleep leaning on her bed. Her kidneys started failing and her whole body swelled up. They said if she survived she probably wouldn’t be the same mentally. She managed to make a miraculous recovery. Like an actual miracle. But her recovery was hard to watch. When she woke up it seemed like she was empty. I watched a nurse feed her soup and her eyes were just blank. You’d ask a question and she’d just nod to anything she said. She wasn’t able to talk for a while. Slowly she got more and more like herself. After that she couldn’t walk. They aren’t quite sure what happened, maybe the seizure, but her leg is fucked up. There’s extensive nerve and tendon damage. She’s able to walk ok now but it’s painful and she limps. Sometimes she needs a brace and a cane depending on how bad it is. She lost all of her memory from the year prior. She can’t remember all the good times from then. She doesn’t remember me proposing. She’s completely back to normal now aside from the leg and some memory issues. I love her with everything in me. She’s my world. But the thoughts keep creeping back. I can see all of these things clearly in my head. The seizure, the doctor saying she might not make it, the respirator, the soup, the blank stare, all of it. It terrifies me. I want it to stop. I’m sorry I just needed to tell somebody.",3 "I don't understand what I'm thinking or feeling. I don't know if I'm in the wrong over here or the people around me. I just wish somebody could understand what's going on. I've been crying a lot recently, trying to understand why am I getting this from life, what did I do to deserve this. I'm lonely and anxious most of the time, nothing makes sense anymore. I can't get myself to trust others because I can't even trust myself. I'm a judgemental person, I judge others a lot but I also seek validation from others, this makes me feel like others can see my weakness and they don't want me around. I just want to be heard and seen. I just want love and support.",2 "This is in the context of work but I guess it could apply to any situation when you have obligations piling up. What do you do? I'm currently sat in my home office messing around on my phone because I have so much work to do that I feel paralysed. Not only that but I have meetings cutting into my work time, which throw me off and make me feel like I can't get into my actual work until they're out of the way. It's all extremely frustrating. I know I need to write a list of tasks I need to accomplish but it feels like that would cut into my valuable work time so I don't do that but then I'm sat on my phone instead. Any tips?",0 "Hello I am from the UK and I am undiagnosed but I am positive I have had adhd all my life from problems I've had growing socially and academically all the way through school life and college and is I've got older my working life. I'm 29 now and I've just secured a fantastic job and I've got wonderful partner who wants to marry me and have children. My symptoms are worsening I cannot focus, my attention span is non existent, I cannot control my emotions and I'm having fits of anger for seemingly no reason whatsoever. This new job I have is now in jeopardy due to the mistakes I'm making.. I have only this morning crashed my van into a lamppost. I cannot control my eating or my spending of money ausing me to get into debt and I just feel like everything is imploding in my life. It feels like I know what I need to do and not do but I just cannot focus enough to do those things I am really struggling and everytime I speak to the doctor they put me on depression and anxiety meds which barely help, they only improve my mood slightly but it does nothing to help me focus or stop my mind from racing all the time.. I just don't know what to do. I would like to go private but it's just impossible for me at the moment. Sorry for the wall of text but I just needed to get everything out.",0 "Hi all! I just started taking vyvanse, 20 mg tablets this past week. I am about to turn 40, and this is my first ADHD medication. I was diagnosed almost 20 years ago, but I decided to wing it since I hate medication lol. I feel like Vyvanse has helped me in these past couple of days to have mental clarity, but now it's the fourth day and I feel like it's wearing off a bit. Is that common? Does it maybe have to do with stressors in my life? Today I've been more fidgety and unfocused then I've been in the last couple of days, and I don't want Vyvanse to lose it's efficacy yet because it's helped me more than I've ever thought possible. Is 20 mg too low of a dose? Tell me your thoughts and thank you so much in advance :-)! By the way, I wouldn't say that I got that initial euphoric feeling when I first took it. I just felt clear headed for the first time in my life which, in and of itself, was quite euphoric I guess.",0 "hi guys, 19yo F for starters. I was diagnosed with PTSD after numerous hospital visits, surgeries and procedures for my digestive health issues that were never resolved. It caused me a lot of trauma and anger and ultimately led me to be agoraphobic. After eight months of pain after deciding I didn’t wanna go back to a hospital, I finally called to make an appointment. Even though the appointment is video call I still completely broke down after I made the appointment. It just brought me back to a horrible time in my life. I was in the hospital for a year on and off, and it just feels really intimidating and overwhelming. I’m really afraid and scared and I guess I just needed somewhere to write this. Thank you guys for listening.",3 "I got my diagnosis in 2011, since then it has been a downward spiral. Being 35, overweight single, with a crappy job, and living with my parents is definitely not what I had in mind, nor according to plan (ps didn’t have a plan to begin with). If only there was a stage of life that took the loneliness of a NEET(I don’t have anything else) the disassociation and isolation of a Hikikomori and the life of an Incel (without the murder part) and blended it all together I am certain you would get me. I have only been diagnosed with Autism high function Aspergers, but I have violent mood swings daily of Anxiety/Panic Attacks, overthinking and Depression, and I don’t know if that comes with my Autism/Aspergers or it’s something else, if people understand what I am talking about I can’t be the only person this is happening to. And help understanding this would be much appreciated. TLDR, does Autism/Aspergers have Depression and Anxiety associated with it? Or should I get another diagnosis?",3 "Long story short, I noticed this pattern. My partner has ADHD, i am formerly diagnosed with Aspergers (you might call it ASD now). I know of many couples, from the Internet or personally, with the same kinda ""mix"". Do you have similar experiences? If so, how come?",3 "New to this forum even though it’s long overdue. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD (Male 35) from my therapist but as he’s not a psychiatrist, he isn’t able to prescribe any medication. I’ve been at the end of my rope, having just recently lost a job due to a lack of performance. A job I could do and did enjoy but just couldn’t push through the activation energy needed to start and then the focus needed to finish projects. It all makes so much more sense now. Yet, I’m still where I started without any medication to help out. The tools learned from my therapist have helped but not to the degree I was hoping for. Long story short, does anyone know of any programs/services that may help me out? Such as a separate service that can diagnose/prescribe? Or really anything that may help me until I can get back on my insurance and see my PCP?",0 "Oh. My. Gosh. Forgot all about the PTSD nightmares. I'd fought them for years, and hadn't had them nearly as often lately -- or when I did, I wasn't remembering them anymore, thank goodness. I recently got a secondary PTSD diagnosis related to medical surgeries/bone setting, and it has really kicked up my PTSD symptoms. Flinching from loud noises, contact, nightmares, anxiety, constant fear. With the new secondary medical PTSD diagnosis -- the nightmares have come back, are violent, and are atrocious. Was up and down all night, and finally slept around 6AM. And then I finally slept, and WOW. The nightmares. Was with a group of really shady people, and we were on some kind of late night mission. It all felt natural though, because I used to socialize with some pretty shady people... -sighs- Don't ask. Just trying to get this out of my head so that I can shake reliving them in my head. Basically trekked with them to this unknown house, late at night, and everything went super south, super fast. The people I was with -- they murdered a woman that used to be my friend. I mean, I got held back, tied up, and told I needed to watch this. It was like being apart of the Manson/Tate murders, without being included. And I like... watched her, her husband, and her three children, get murdered by these shady people. I didn't... *do* anything. I *couldn't*... do anything. I felt the helplessness. The inability to do anything. I hate my brain. I think it was guilt. We had a falling out a few years back over drug use. She got sick, and needed a heart transplant, and died less than a year after the transplant. She passed away a couple years ago, after a heart transplant failed to take. She only had two kids. It felt so real. Like I hadn't seen her in so long, and in that time, she'd had another kid... Three kids. Her and her husband. Still hearing the damned screams. I don't remember it all -- but I definitely remember the screams. The blood. Stabbing. I started to realize it was a dream, and I was screaming. ""WAKE UP! WAKE UP, IT'S NOT REAL. SHE DIED. I KNOW SHE DIED, WAKE UP."" I swore I was screaming in my sleep like I used to. I woke up abruptly, rolled out of bed, and just stared at the wall, breathing hard. It was bad. I forgot all about just how bad the night terrors are. They've been bad the past few weeks -- but this one... just... I can't shake it, and I'm still tearing up. Brutal.",3 "it all happened a year ago, last october. i went to my “friends” house. or at least someone who i thought to be a friend. at this time i was already suffering from depression and wasn’t in a good place mentally. with both of us being gay, he wanted to have sex. i didn’t. and i told him that, and he just wouldn’t stop pressuring me, and being very manipulative, until i just said screw it, and gave in to him. at the time i thought it was okay, because i was about to lose my virginity, and i was kinda excited about that. so that happens, it was uncomfortable, he kissed me during it. he wanted to cuddle after. it made me really uncomfortable afterwards when he wanted to cuddle, and i really didn’t want to. i felt disgusting. fast forward to the day after, and i’m slightly uncomfortable down yonder, it hurt. (i apologize if i make light of anything, or say anything joking around. i cope with humor) but i went on throughout the rest of that school year, and throughout the year, my mental state worsened. end of the year i was having suicidal thoughts, and had to speak to a crisis counselor. that summer i did some group therapy. and it never really occurred to me that i was struggling so much because of what i went through. i began to understand it more after i did a little research. then my flashbacks & anxiety began. and i’ve started this school year, and had a class with him. i couldn’t focus in my class at all, and just completely mentally shut down during the class because i was having panic attacks daily. i’ve recently started weekly individual talk therapy, and group therapy. after talking to my guidance counselor for weeks about it, i got my class changed. but i’m forced to still see him daily in school, and i have a panic attack almost every time i see him. the police are also aware, and i have yet to give them my statement, but i’m just so nervous about legal proceedings. i don’t know if i’ll be capable of testifying in front of him. i don’t even know if i’ll be able to press charges, and i’m nervous about not having enough evidence against him. i also want to look into getting a PSVI (protection against sexual violence and intimidation) but that also requires testimony. i’ve also learned that he convinced his mother he did nothing wrong, and has also gotten a lawyer. (he is an incredibly manipulative person) and i have just within the past two weeks started having nightmares, about the initial assault, him confronting me, attacking me, etc. and as a result of all of this, i’m severely suffering in my academics, as well as my mental health. any advice as to coping with my trauma? am i suffering from ptsd? how do i continue without worsening things for myself?",3 "Hi! I’m a 16yr old girl and I’ve been suffering from mdd (major depressive disorder) and other mental illnesses. It has gotten to a point where my anxiety and paranoia made me loose all my friends that I had and now I have been completely alone for the past 6 months. I took this time to work on myself and I must say I see some progress. But I still suffer from major anxiety when interacting with people daily. Just small talk or anything. I am always so uncomfortable and scared. Scared of saying something weird, wrong or not getting it right. It’s exhausting. I’m scared of making others angry or disappointed in me. I wish I could do better and be confident and self aware. How do I get more energetic and enthusiastic while talking to people? I feel like I lack so much and that there is nothing good about me. I can’t stand it. I want to live and use my youth. I don’t want to be lonely forever. I realise, I have to be mature now. There is so much going on right now and me growing up. And it’s overwhelming. I know I’ll make it but I am so frustrated with myself and so, so lonely.",2 "One of the worst aspects of obsessing over horrible scenarios is I’ve already half lived through the worst life. I’ve already accepted my death, the death of loved ones, my divorce, my children’s health issues. I’ve already accepted a life in prison where I’ll be abused. I’ve accepted all of these scenarios that are completely baseless. What if I accept that everything with continue to be completely fine as it has been?",1 "I’m on 72mg Methylphenidate ER but had to only do 36mg both yesterday and today and now I’m wondering how tf I ever lived like this ? Caffeine would have helped a bit but couldn’t have any of that either. This just feels insane and I’m quite amazed I went through a large portion of my life like this but still got stuff done. Didn’t know what flair to put this under btw .",0 "tbh idk if i should put this hear or the dissosiative reddit, but i havent been diagnosed with anything dissociative i guess but anyways i feel like im floating in space, barely able to control my thoughts or actions. Songs keep playing in my head and I feel like I’m drugged up bad. I havent even been doing drugs besides the normal caffiiene and anti depressants theres no reason for me to feel so estranged with my body. I dont feel real or anything I just feel numbness. everythinf is numb. i want to escape i wannt ceawl out of my body and escape i wanna stop feeling this way",3 "I wonder if anyone knows any movies related to OCD, or does any character with OCD. Thanks!",1 and i told her i’m not supposed to do that because of my OCD and she got upset and short w me and asked what i was talking about so i’m back to square one on trying to find a therapist ig,1 "Hello everyone, It's been awhile since I have posted here. I have learned one crucial thing: when in doubt, ask away. Upon reviewing what progress I have made in career aspirations and goals, I have realized that I would like to accelerate my progress in life. My situation is the following: I have graduated college but I haven't been able to find work that pays over $15. I have been able to save money, and every bit counts. However, it's not as much as in comparison to what saved from the end of the Summer. During the period of September and the present, I have had some intense soul searching for my career. I was going to continue on with my 3D Character Track at Animschool. But I haven't been able to find work to pay for it, since I have had to pay for medical bills. I was wondering what would be better in my situation: a coach or a counselor. I was thinking about just getting a coach, as they are cheaper and more specific to finding solutions for my career prospects.",0 "I just finished sending an email to my English teacher about not making it to class again, and I'm so frustrated with myself. I have spent all day trying to psych myself up for this evening class, to relax, and have fun, but this class has just loomed over the horizon, the unfinished (and only I'm missing so far) assignment taunting me from the book on my bed. I haven't started medication yet, I won't be given anything until my appointment with the specialist to help figure out what medicine will work best for me, and that won't be until Dec 15th. So what can I do until then? What works for everyone? Even if it's something small anything will help at this point to help me limp along until my appointment. I've been near tears all day.",0 "I personally find it hard to keep up with friends due to multiple reasons, For example, I could literally forget someone if we don’t talk for a while unless I stumble upon something that reminds me of them, or just going through my older messages Another example, is that when I have to call someone or send a text and I see myself either getting distracted or procrastinating it to the point of forgetting until the next day (and it’s a repeat cycle) Also making plans or promises for the future, even if it’s an end of day plan such as sending a note to a classmate is basically a no-go because I end up forgetting by the time I head home (and people end up thinking I’m making false promises to mess with them when I’m literally unintentionally forgetting) For the last part, I’ve honestly became wary of making future plans because of this sole reason This has become a big hurdle in me making long term friends which is honestly pretty annoying, and I wonder if anyone here also goes through the same problems.",0 Just changed to fluoxetine heard alot if good about NAC can I take both together OK?,1 "Anyone experience this too? Tips on how to express oneself healthily? Sometimes when im so depressed and miserable explaining it to people with words isnt good enough. Im afraid of dying or feeling a high level of pain, but maybe hurting myself or half heartily attempting to die might just be enough to satisfy my need to express it and then people will recognize the severity of my words and feelings. Extra: Is it just for attention then?.... i guess so. I want people to recognize/notice how bad i feel so that i dont feel as alone. I want them to undersrand the severity of how bad i feel. I am scared to die, dont really want to atm i guess. But i am soooo tempted to hurt myself really really bad so that maybe people will take my words more seriously...",2 "Hey everyone, last week I was diagnosed with adhd and my doctor prescribed me with a 18mg of concerta once a day to start, it has helped in alot of ways but one issue I keep having is when I study. I usually don't have time to study until the afternoon and even though it's way easier to make myself sit down and study now, after like 30 min of studying I feel like I'm crashing or something, but it feels like I'm just suddenly sleep deprived. Does anyone have similar experiences like this?",0 "I’m undiagnosed but currently working with my care team and figuring things out. I’m a singer and a music lover and I have a really good ear according to my teachers. I have tried many times to learn multiple instruments but I can’t get past the first few days. I feel embarrassed sitting alone in my room that someone will hear how bad I am or that I’m somehow learning it wrong. Singing came naturally to me but it took me a really long time to sing in front of people because I was afraid of not being perfect. Is this a common struggle?",1 "I feel 100% safe and secure in the comfort of my home, but the minute I go out in public (especially in crowded areas), I feel extremely anxious and panicky. This isn’t to be confused with social anxiety. I have no fear of talking to strangers. I just don’t like being outside because I’m exposed to loud noises, violent people, and the possibility of being in a freak accident. It’s just too much for me. I honestly prefer to live in a bubble away from all the horrifying things in this world. I’m pretty sure I have agoraphobia. Can anyone else relate?",3 "I’ve had sleep paralysis pretty consistently since I was about 11 years old. I’ve always thought it’s probably because my sleeping schedule has been whack since I was a small child, but lately I’ve been wondering if it’s an adhd thing? Anyone else? TL;DR Is there a link between frequent sleep paralysis and ADHD?",0 "So I had a question and this seemed like a good place to ask it. Is it normal not to remember anything from your childhood? We're pretty sure that I have some form of PTSD (I had a series of abusive incidents when I was a kid but I never went to therapy because reasons but mostly I can't afford it) and I just... can't remember ANYTHING from before being about fourteen or fifteen. I have vague recollections beyond some memories (mostly the abuse, that I can remember pretty clearly) but otherwise... nothing. I can't remember going to Disneyland other than the knowledge that I went, I can't remember my memories of going to school, I can barely remember my friends at the time, and I can't remember cherished childhood stories other than hearing them from relatives. Is this a common thing? I just want to feel like I'm not crazy or stupid. Thank you.",3 "A carnival has come here for almost every year aside from last year due to COVID-19, I plan on going there obviously to not only ride rides and play carnival games, but to also have lots of the nice food there. It’s a giant festival practically and on the 4th there’s also gonna be a large parade of people. What are your plans for this nice four days?",3 "I’ve been really nervous and still am because some of the side effects include psychosis and I already have psychosis so I fear my psychosis will get worse, but a psychiatrist recommended so I guess I’ll have to wait and see wish me luck.",1 "I'm talking like when people call you ""bestie"" (usually internet strangers who are belittling you), ""have a nice day/life :thumbs\_up:"" (yet their previous words made it clear they're angry/hate you), or even a simple "" :) "" when they're saying mean things. It makes me so damn upset beyond reason. Like I'd rather be called names than have this weird ""pseudo-kindness"" thrown at me.",3 " Stallion awaits at the gates of Heaven. 33° 2' 18.0024'' N and 97° 0' 21.9996'' W. Initiate. Cells, Interlinked.",2 I'm in constant mental anguish and heart feels like it hurts not physically though. However my body feels fine I've been working out everyday have energy to do my work but my mental state is not there it's been almost a week it feels like a bitter sweet hell. I deserve pain even when I'm getting better.,2 "Hello, a little less than a year ago my therapist and I discovered I suffer from complex ptsd-like symptoms. I pay out of pocket so she doesn't have to report this to the government so I don't effect my future career options. I've noticed that marijuana has had a positive impact on my life, but I am not old enough in my state to buy from a dispensary recreationally and I would like that bit of control, unfortunately I can't find how a proper diagnosis would impact all the facets of my life. I want to help myself, I don't know what to do. I would like to have this in my control but I don't want to impact my future. This whole thing is terrifying, I can't tell people much about it without weirding them out or them blatantly not believing me and I feel this is the only place I can speak freely. Since I've started using marijuana I've noticed a significant positive impact on my life, although this is difficult for me to talk about with my friends because I feel like I'm a dumb college kid using a non-diagnosis as an excuse for abusive behavior. I brought this up to one of my closer friends (I hesitate to say this because I have *deep* trust issues yay me) and he said I should get the card but I just want all of the facts. So, to those of you who have received a proper diagnosis and use marijuana medically, what are all of the impacts you have noticed on your life? How does this effect employment? Should I tell my parents about this? I'm so lost with this right now and I would love any advice.",3 "Here I am, every single fucking day sitting in my bed trying to force myself go to school, i just can't. I got antidepressants, i got therapy, none of that works because at the end of the day I can't do anything. I can't even shave, I lack motivation for the stupidest of tasks.",2 "So I am starting a new job and they have paperwork to fill out for if you have a disability. Supposedly it is voluntary to fill out. It doesn't specifically list adhd but says it is not limited to what is on the list. You either check ""yes I have a disability"", ""No, I don't have a disability"", or ""I don't wish to answer"". What would you put down?",0 "I’m over it! I’m over my dishes constantly being too much to handle. I’m over not feeling calm because my space is a mess right after I clean it. I’m over hyperfixating on a project that I took on that I just can’t get perfect to the point I’ve forgotten to eat. Im over being hungry and not being able to actually eat because I don’t want what I’ve cooked (when i actually finally do cook). Im over running out of time on my tests and wondering if I’ll ever get good enough grades to get accepted to university. Im OVER going back to my doctor to up my meds every month. I cannot handle this shit. Life feels like perpetual chaos and I just want to take a fucking break!!!!!!!! I hate that I can never catch up and knowing that no matter how I hard I try there will always be something I fall short on being able to do like a normal person because I can’t stay organized and ok task to do everything! Whatever tools I use, they work for a bit, and SO well… until a week later I just don’t stay consistent and I’m back in this mess. Not sure what I expect from posting this. I feel like a big fucking baby always complaining and struggling and needing help from someone, to the point I’m here on Reddit making this stupid post",0 "I studied about 2 hours last night for a really small test that I had the next day. Could remember everything and understood everything. Next day, when the test came I literally forgot everything, could not remember a single thing. Is this what they mean when they say people with ADHD have really bad short term memory?? Lately I feel like my ADHD is getting worse as time goes on….",0 "I have ‘high-functioning’ aspergers (undiagnosed, but rather certain) and I am rather introverted. Since I was a kid, I have had social anxiety and not understood social norms. I was commonly bullied and outcast from most social groups that I was ever a part of. As a kid I was always wanted to stick to a strict schedule planned days in advance, and did well in school when it came to math and science but not other subjects. I also tend to get sensory overload in crowds as well and have had mini-meltdowns when in large crowds for too long. I also HATE eye contact. In college I was able to overcome a lot of these issues by forcing myself to mask my autistic tendencies and learn how to interact with neurotypicals in a positive way and to build many ‘normal’ relationships. Partly due to the social lubrication of alcohol at parties. But now in my late-20s, these growing problems have started to cause friction in my work environment. My awkwardness and either overly quiet and awkward, or over-sharing with too loud of a speaking volume, has made most of my coworkers not like me, and even worse, has lead to a number of female coworkers believing that I am creepy and should be avoided. It started as a few awkward interactions but as the department has gossiped amongst themselves, they have concluded that I am labeled as a threat. To be clear, I have never done or said anything inappropriate for the workplace (i.e. no touching or creepy comments), though the bar for ‘inappropriate’ seems to be constantly lowering to even include anything sufficiently awkward including poor eye contact. We then all went to remote working last year and I have no wish to go back to the office. It hurts me deeply that I make anyone uncomfortable, and the knowledge that I do only makes my anxiety and the problem worse with every interaction. I have seriously considered quitting, or even suicide at times (don’t worry, I won’t). I just don’t know how to be normal enough anymore… Does anyone have thoughts for how to address this? How do I move forward in this environment?",3 "I (34F) got my ADHD diagnosis and neuropsychological report a week ago. I am moderately to severely affected in most of the areas of adhd. My psychologist was shocked at my results and the extent. Even with being a woman in my thirties and knowing everything that is against us getting diagnosed, there was absolutely no question about my diagnosis. I’m still kind of in shock too. I’m just kind of…pissed. I didn’t know it wasn’t normal to have to try so hard. I didn’t understand that other people didn’t have a constant stream of random thoughts and intrusive negative self esteem/self talk. My husband said it was like I’ve been going through life with one hand and one foot tied behind my back. He’s right. It kind of just hurts. All the wasted energy and time that I will never get back.",0 "I don’t know if these tests are accurate or not, what do you guys think? What personality are you according to the test? Do you think there’s something to it? Thanks in advance!",3 "like, when youve had sososososososo many moments when youre internally FIGHTING like hell to stay calm and it just takes over ur life and so now after youve kindof moved past that anytime you even THINK of anything mildly uncomfortable or bad you start havin a trauma response and ur brain starts goin nopenopnopenopenope to like an asburd amount bc youre so used to having to FIGHT to not be fearful/deeply uncomfortable and so even the fucking NOTION of anything mildly unpleasant evokes the reaction of ""NOPE NAH FUCK NAH NOPE UH UH NONONONONONONONO"" in u. not like this is the only neat n nifty ptsd my bedraggled brain is seasoned with but it is one of them and i just wanted to see if anyone else has experienced this. all i want to do is lay in bed but even that hurts my back and makes me resultantly restless",3 "Today my philosophy prof discussed solid ground kind of theoretically. I was flustered with thoughts. I actually wanted to walk out of the class. I'm not sure if its because I was presented with the thought of where I was and for once I had to be here or there instead of in my misery, or the thought of my misery some how being exposed. I was completely frightened. I attempted at participating just enough engaged but I found him to be a bit passive toward me, he seemed almost annoyed even. Cant put my finger on it but it bothered me. I am already bad at articulating anything inside my head and every time I do it comes across as something negative. It didnt help that the skit was a car and the sounds of cars driving in the background. Fuck I can get in a car fine most days, slightly unaffected by the massive roller coaster of emotions. It is so much easier to have no human interaction. I want self driving cars so that people cant fuck things up anymore. I have no trust in humans, maybe Technology can create the world of safety applicable for someone like me suffering with muscle spasms at the slight jolt of a car, or sounds of wrecking. The emotions from a drunk person unable to handle their liquor. The rage that flutters me to kick the shit out of a car. I want to destroy a car like it managed to destroy me. I want to not think anymore about this disgusting reality that is our human race that gives 0 fucks about anything but themselfs. Can I legally become a mute ?",3 "I have suicidal crisis daily, panic attacks daily, don't go to school, no friends. I fucking hate my life, I just want to disappear, I feel so lonely and hopeless. I just wish I was normal, I hate myself so much. I really don't know what to do anymore, I feel so lost, nothing makes sense or feels real. I told my parents about that, I don't know if they actually care. Does anybody actually care ? Why should I even keep going ? It seems like it'll never get better.. I just wish I was happy..",2 "So I have been working really really hard in therapy the last year or so. I have grown a lot. I am able to assert myself when needed, I am able to bounce back from big emotions, I’m even able to enjoy moments of my life. I think my depression is lifting. I don’t know who I am when I’m not in crisis. I’m suffering less, but I don’t feel that I deserve peace in life. I’m not as weak anymore, so I now suddenly question if I am arrogant and overbearing. The people in my life have been there for me during all my tough times. Do they only pity me? When I am better they are going to leave. Right? Who am I now that I am gaining my strength back? I can’t get rid of the feeling that I’ll heal and only find out that I actually “hate myself”.",3 "I’ve more trauma in my life than I’d like, I’m tired of getting triggered and crying randomly or having panic attacks. I want to talk about it but I’ve been in therapy for years and I still haven’t really brought it up. I tried once and I got a panic attack and dissociated. My brain turned off and I was just staring into the distance, I think it’s how I protect myself from it but I want to work through it. I’m just worried this will happen everytime. When we’re you ready? And how did you get past these barriers ?",3 Yeah you read it right. I can't study for more than 10 minutes. I need help. What type of environment should I be in? What should I keep around me/near me? Also I like listening to music while studying but I get distracted and start spacing out so should I listen to music or not? Because if I don't I can't seem to focus on studying.,0 "hi, I know that maybe you don't care what I wrote, but I don't have anyone else to talk about it, I'm passing through a hard depression lapse, I'm not able to sleep, I lose the sense of self, I just eat because I know is needed, during the night the time is passing slowly and I'm just lay on the bed when I tried to sleep my mind is working thinking a lot of things in the case I was able to calm my self and tried to sleep again my mind begin to hallucinate with events that never happened and myself awake with headaches or migraine and feel a sensation between needles piercing my body, heat waves and my heartbeat is to louder, in the case that i was able to handle the last part, my body moves by itself or awaken unable to breathe and feels like I'm chocking, I want to cry but I'm not able to do it feels like something is stuck in my throat, I'm feel like my will to live is lost, all the things I like to do are losing the satisfaction, when meet new people I lose the interest briefly, I'm not looking for compasion I just wrote this because I expect to feel a bit free sorry if my English is not good",2 "Hi, I don't know what to do or where to ask this I for sure have depression, this time it's extremely terrible, I'm disgusted with myself, I have stopped eating, I have lost around 6-8 lbs in the last week alone, I've stopped taking care of myself, my hair is falling out rapidly and I'm balding, I have not been showering often, I have acne all over my scalp, I can't get myself to take care of my body because of how terribly I'm disgusted with myself and want to tear my skin apart. I look myself in the mirror and want to gouge my eye balls out, my mother tries her best to feed me by hand or oil my hair but even she's surprised with what's happening to me. I'm holed up in my room most of the time trying to make it through the day. Either way, I understand I need to get help, and I will, I'm liquifying my assets for funds and waiting on a time I can get out of home and get help since mental health is taboo in my country and my current situation both socially, financially and my home life is in ruins, I just want advice on how do I keep myself alive for long enough to get help? I want to buy myself some time, I'm weak and will lose my spirit any moment, I'm okay if anyone can suggest medication that I can try to procure if it'll buy me some time, I just want to feel motivated enough to eat a little, job hunt and keep myself sane for a while. A part of me wants to fight and correct myself, the majority of my being is suicidal and tired TLDR- Need advice or suggestions for medication to keep myself motivated enough to eat a little, job hunt and take a bloody shower to buy myself a little more time so I can get out and get help before I off myself",2 "Hey guys. I don't even know how to start so I'll get straight to the point. 2 years ago I overdosed on some pills cut with something else ( MDMA, ecstasy, amphetamine, cocaine). One night I took like 5 pills at once. After an hour i felt like I was going to die. It was the most traumatic experience in my whole life. I went to psychiatrist. Turns out I suffer from PTSD. It's been 2 years. Is there anyone with similar experience? How do you deal with it? Are you doing any better? What triggers your PTSD? SORRY FOR ANY GRAMMAR MISTAKES, ENGLISH ISN'T MY FIRST LANGUAGE",3 "I went to a psychiatrist to help treat my ADHD. She prescribed me Atomoxetine for two weeks, followed by clomidine to take in addition to the first one. I have skepticism about taking two medications for the same aliment at the same time, so I figured I would ask you guys if this is a common occurrence or not.",0 "Hi all, So my mother has had adhd for years and she always seems to have a problem with her online bookmarks and browsing. She often opens up new tabs on her phone to remember to come back and finish what she started, but she never does and always ends up with 30 tabs open. That or she adds them to bookmarks and then her list is a mile long and she never can find what she needs. Does anyone have helpful tips that have used to really stay organized as it would help her a lot and me (sometimes I have the same problem). Any help would be awesome!",0 "I.... it’s really weird, i’m feeling a way I haven’t in felt in quite a while. Was my total denial somehow making it worse? It’s just confusing. Needed to get that off my chest to a community that understands flashbacks.",3 "Hi I am having sleepless night due to obsessive swallowing. I feel like I have saliva in my mouth and I am gonna choke on it. I am swallowing my saliva every seconds.I really don’t know what to do . I have been to ENT and he did the laryngoscopy and said there is nothing wrong with me. I am already on antidepressants. I really don’t know how to come out of this obsession. Please help",1 "Hi I'm having trouble understanding what I've done wrong with a social situation I'm having with a flatmate... these both happened an hour ago Issue #1 pet food My flatmate owns 2 cats and a dog (I own none but feed them more often than not becauseof her work hours) This morning I slept in and let my flatmate feed her pets, she leaves an empty bag of dry cat food on the bench... skip to 6pn when I'm feeding the animals i use the last of the canned cat food to feed her cats... Skip to 8:30 when she gets home and I tell her that there is no cat food and I point out that there in neither any canned meat or dry food for the cats... keep in mind she already knows that there is no dry food for the cats and I assumed that she would have planned to get more today... apparently I was wrong Issue #2 This morning I accidentally put my hand thru the an old cheap plastic fan in the bathroom attached to one of the walls (downside of being tall and uncoordinated) and the blades on the fan broke. I Facebook message my flatmate along with some pictures of both the fan and my fingers (one of the fingers had a cut on it) (she doesn't see this message practical sort of person I know how to fix the issue with the (its at best a 5 minute job) I post on Facebook that if anyone has an old pedalstal fan I need the fan blade from it (she sees this message) ... one of my aunts has one and she drops it off to me... Skip to 8:30pm I get in trouble for fixing the wall fan in the bathroom Result: she got angry at me for not reminding her that there's wasn't any cat food (is my assumption) and she got angry at me for fixing the fan in the bathroom and that she didn't know that it was broken and I shouldn't have gone to the trouble of fixing i say its a very easy job and she was going to the shops nearby anyway I don't understand what I did wrong here today I thought I did it all the right was and she obviously feels differently... now my anxiety is going absolutely crazy and I'm in bed feeling like I need to keep myself safe",3 "I recently just lost my PCP due to my difficulty making appointments and being late to everything, therfore have not been prescribed my Adderall in over two months. I've been looking for a new PCP and psych, however I intensively look and then give up for days and don't try. I feel super bi polar right now. When I have my Adderall I'm active and have motivation to do things,, anything really, even the mundane. But without, which is most of the time lately,, I sleep for hours, have no interest in doing things I typically love, and barely have motivation to shower or do basic tasks. I also have hepatitis C, however when I have Adderall, the symptoms of the Hep (fatigue, ect) seem to minimize. I know this isn't a place to get mental health diagnosis, but I either have some underlying issues that need addressed or I am experiencing a dramatic effect of being unmedicated or both. I don't even want to check social media, or write without thinking it's not good enough compared to when I'm stable. Has anyone experienced this, am I crazy, can anyone relate? Thanks.",0 "Hey guys, So I (17F) have a history of my mother being emotionally and sometimes physically abuse towards me. I ran away at 15 and got my own place a year later. Since then, I've noticed a few of signs of having repressed memories (signs of trauma before I remember it occurring, seemingly unrelated triggers such as seeing certain dates). My mom started being abusive when I was around 7. She got quite ill with what I am almost certain is a cluster B personality disorder (I'm diagnosed BPD with strong HPD and NPD traits). However, I remember displaying public masturbation and being turned on by rape fantasies from the age of 3 or 4. When I was maybe 12 or 13 I had a dream of my mom forcing me to touch her sexually. I woke up feeling sick to my stomach. My PTSD doesn't affect me in the typical way. I don't meet the DSM criteria (diagnosed cPTSD). I don't have overt flashbacks and I can talk about my trauma freely; that part doesn't bother me. Instead, it's more integrated and presents with emotional dysregulation, executive function, interpersonal relationship, etc. problems. I really want to do some unpacking at this point. Thanks for reading.",3 "I have c-ptsd, if you don't know what that is it's PTSD but multiple tramatic things happening, in my case it's being raped multiple times and watching a friend get gunned down in the same car as me but I struggle everyday, I get close to 0 sleep everynight, and while I'm running on low everyday my mum and her husband and my grandpa are at my throat constantly,I rarely catch a break from there antics, I'm always stuck in a cycle of trying to sleep to wake up from night terrors and be awake all day till I can try again but it's just the same thing everytime, i only catch breaks if I'm away from my family, I'm high, or late in the night, and they have a weird thing against therapists, and I haven't seen on to talk about the shit going on, I HAD TO PAY FOR MYSELF at a phycologist office to be diagnosed, but my parents don't believe me or the fucking phycologist, I wake up every morning wishing I didn't, and just over all I'm not doing to well, I've been feeling extremely suicidal, I've been thinking about cutting into myself and just ending it, I can't keep waking up because of the horrors of my past, it has to end eventually",3 "I have asbergers and I’m pans. I’ve met three trans people over the internet and two of which also had asbergers. Which got me thinking about this. Has anyone else met a lot of lgbt people with asbergers or is it just a weird coincidence?",3 "After years and years of holding on to various traumas that manifested themselves in a wide variety of symptoms, ranging from excruciating nightmares and panic attacks to hallucinations and psychosomatic heartache, I finally went through an intense process of treatment. I was so skeptical before and during the process(And damn, it was hard), but suddenly, something clicked: I could look back at myself in those memories and feel sad for that girl instead of living in those memories as if they were constantly surrounding me. I experienced an intense release of emotion(for quite a while, bless my flatmate's hearts for dealing with me) and my body finally stopped tensing up like it constantly would. I stopped feeling the urge to drink every day. I got my period for the first time in 4 years. I find myself sitting in my room feeling abnormal about finally feeling normal. It's insane. I know I'm not fully healed, I still get intrusive thoughts, still have nightmares, and still get anxiety attacks among other symptoms. It's a work in progress. I still need to get back on the job market and know that once the lockdowns are over, I might be confronted with certain things again that might require more help. However, I found solace in the knowledge that things truly can get better. If you're reading this and feeling low: I wish you all the best and am hopeful that you will feel better. No feeling lasts forever. :) Edit: You are all so supportive and great, thank you everyone. I hope that more of those who experienced this struggle find this subreddit to feel this positivity. ❤️",3 "Stared taking Vyvanse recently due to my doctor’s recommendation. It’s been helping with quite a few of my symptoms, and I was ecstatic that I found a medication that works well for me. However, I recently noticed that my heart flutters really fast at seemingly random. It almost feels like a 15 second panic attack. I also feel like there is a continuous buzz beneath my skin. Is this a sign of higher blood pressure? And has anyone else had symptoms like these? Thanks! (BTW, I am stopping the medication til I can contact my doctor. That’s what she recommended if I had any issues.)",0 "Tw: mentions of emotional child abuse. I'm seeking advice on how to orient myself in the world. I'm a 31f and I have PTSD from being raised in an abusive household. Both parents are addicts; an abusive narcisstic father and an enabling, abusive mother. I was screamed at and criticised constantly growing up. I was told I ""did everything wrong"" so often that I really struggle feeling like I can do anything. Any mistakes I make trigger a barrage of ""I can't do anything right"" fears and a wall of pain sears in my chest. I've been struggling to engage with people. I'm so convinced that I'm bad, that I'm perpetually terrified of when they'll discover that I'm bad. This has been preventing me from re-engaging with old friends and making new ones, finishing my degree, applying for jobs and even finding new hobbies. I'm currently working with a therapist doing trauma processing but I'm at a loss at the moment as to what to do to face the world without being so debilitated by my fear. Any resources or words of support would be a huge help. Much love to all of you.",3 Do most people with ocd have just one form of ocd? Because I am a basket case when it comes to ocd. I have multiple ranging from horrible intrusive thoughts to counting compulsions. Im just trying to make sense of it as some Reddit forums have people talking that they have just harm ocd. Also does anyone else have a problem with people walking up the stairs behind them? Because my friends make fun of me for it so I want to know if anyone else deals with that specific anxiety also.,1 "I haven’t been diagnosed but I was wondering if those sounds like it. I was sexually abused by my brother as a child (about 4-5 until 12). I had blocked out these memories and images from them but I started therapy recently and they’ve come creeping back, I get sort of flashbacks of the things he did, I get vivid images of it in my head and it makes me feel physically sick to the point that I even gag sometimes, I can’t get the images out of my head and it makes my body feel like jelly and makes me shudder. I can only recall a few of the times but the ones that I can, I can recall every little thing that happened. I hate it, it’s so horrible and i dont know what’s going on.",3 "I’ve noticed that if I can block out sound my entire nervous system immediately calms down. I often wear earplugs. But sometimes I don’t want it completely quiet (just meaning I’d like some calm music or something). I have noise-canceling earbuds, but they really do not block out all sounds. Does anyone have a pair of over ear noise-canceling headphones they love and recommend?",3 I wish everyone would forget that I exist. I wish I could erase myself from everyone’s memory. I don’t want anyone to know that I’m here so I can just go when I want to. And I’ve been alone my entire life I have no friends here all I have are people who are bringing me down and I wish I could just disappear from everybody’s mind. I feel like things would be so much easier.,2 "I try really hard, I'm an over achiever and I still get told I'm not doing enough. I have my limits and I already pass them which isn't healthy in itself and I know I should have my license and ID by now but I'm tired. I work most days now. I need compassion, not hurt.",3 "Hi, I suffer from post psychotic depression, I was on lexapro for a long time, then stopped working, then cymbalta had a gokd effect and pooped out. Now recently i was put on trintellix and done nothing. Im off antidepressants now im feeling better than i ambon any. What do you think?",2 Im on hydroxzine 50mg and although it does help i think im building a tolerance. I was thinking about possibly asking my psych about Xanax just because my panic attacks have been bad since we are messing around with meds and meds take about a month to kick but xanax is meant for short term. Any comments are appreciated,3 "I’m 23, I have had depression diagnosis for 5 years now, but I was definitely depressed long before that, my first specific memories of deep self-loathing thoughts (writing them down) are from when I was 10. I have tried 7 different antidepressants over 5 years and for the last year and a few months have been going to therapy. Will my depression actually end at some point? It’s wasting a lot of time, energy, resources, also of other people, and at this point I should really be adulting, not crying for three hours every day. I’m having food and a place to live because my parents pay for it still, but it cannot go on for much longer. Is there hope? How do I get actually better?",2 "Do you struggle with the concept of love, or understanding how love should feel, how to love someone?",3 I fucking hate everything rn. life sucks ass currently if i doesnt get better im done,2 "Ive not posted onto a reddit or have ever used this before but it was recommended to me recently to talk to others with OCD. I am really struggling! I am moving out of the current apartment I am in and into a brand new CLEAN apartment in 39 days. Its the 39 days before that, that is excruciating. I feel like I cant breath or relax in my own home. And even typing that hurts. I have come up with coping techniques over the years but my apartment feels so dirty that doing self care feels more like torture than help. I feel glued to my bed because any time I stand up I can feel like fire of tears and panic behind my eyes. I don't know how Im going to live through this, it feels like aim dying. Im trying so hard to reach out for help but I feel so alone. It feels like no one understands what I am actually feeling. Like my boyfriend told me to ""look on the bright side,"" which thats just not it. OCD has been so dulled down to ""I need my pencils to be color coded"" when in actuality its a debilitating disease. I don't know how to function, I feel like Ive lost my self. And when I say ""my apartment feels so dirty"" and the response is to ""just clean it,"" its not that simple and it makes me feel like Im horrible at managing my OCD. Its just not about the cleaning but my brain is so stuck on that. It feels like an impossible task to clean because its just too far gone, things out of my control like the baseboards falling apart. I just need a new space but figuring out how to survive here is something Im really struggling with.",1 "Like, I've already gotten sixty milligrams of an ADHD medicine that I took for several years to reduce my OCD, because my psychiatrist couldn't increase my OCD medicine even higher than the recommended dosage. But at the same time, I take a walk, and I feel so much more relaxed, and it's like my obsessions and phobias have already dissipated. I mean, I still have to find a job, but for the time being, I need to take more walks at the park during the morning, at around 7:00 AM to 8:00 AM where I live, when the weather is a lot cooler. And then afterward, it's like my troubles never even existed, even if they still do and I was going to resolve them, soon. Plus, I have my phone with me, so if any time either of my parents need me, they could either call or text me for something, and not really surprise me with something when I get back home without telling me on the phone first. And I still need to visit my therapist every Saturday at 4:00 PM, and he'll always remind me that I'm neither catching nor spreading germs. Plus, I told him about Exposure and Response Prevention via text, and we might need to discuss it with each other this upcoming meeting. Just wanted to give you a heads up, BTW.",1 "I noticed growing up all the girls with autism had boyfriends while all young men in there late teens to mid 20s are incel every support group I go to it's the same dynamic, anybody hereexperienced this,",3 "Im just very curious if anyone else seems to do what I do after having a really bad flashback. I tend to kind of go off on rants in a discord with supportive friends in our little vent channel just going off on nothing about what just happened and everything going on, I often lose track of time and the messaging can go on for hours at a time but usually cut off around the 1-2 hour mark. They also only really happen at set times during the night and I usually fall asleep and forget after. I just wanted to know if anyone has the same experiences, im thankful for any response.",3 "Glasses braces depression (I was an oddball who wanted to be edgy) older ​ I got all of those things. I take it back. I really do take it back, I miss my old life.",2 "Writing this wasn’t easy and posting it was even harder, so thanks in advance for sticking with me until the end. Everyone that knows me knows that I keep my friends list short, both virtually and in real life. Those who are on the list are an eclectic bunch of “good people” whom I have been drawn to for varying reasons. You all have known me at different times in my life and most likely know a different “me” than I ever did. Most of you are aware that I have lived in a world without smell since birth. Some, but definitely fewer, are aware of my better than average eyesight and my keen sense of hearing. A few of you have at least a minimal understanding of the rules and routines that I live by and my ability to break things down and put them back together – both mentally and physically. Even fewer still are aware that I have always considered myself a chameleon – observing a situation and mirroring behaviors to blend in (you may have seen this in action if you sat beside me in my call center days, when after a few words I mirrored the accent of the caller without even realizing it, or in my more social days, where my circle of friends all seemed to be from different cliques). What next to no one knew until now was that I pretended a lot. \- I pretended to smell (flowers good, farts bad) until my early twenties. This allowed me to avoid the disbelief, the conversation about taste, and, most importantly, the jokes about the lack of smell compared to the size of my nose. \- I pretended that my hypersensitivity to light and sound didn’t exist. This eventually allowed me to learn how to block out one or the other so that I could limit the negative reactions, stares, and often physical consequences of my early sensory meltdowns. \- I pretended (in public) the rules and routines that I lived by didn’t exist and put my ability to break things down to use by troubleshooting and explaining highly technical things to non-technical people. \- I pretended that my chameleon ways were not me putting on a mask but rather a result of an ability to understand human behavior and adapt to social situations when quite literally the opposite was true. I am only truly comfortable in social situations when I am well prepared and have expertise in the subject and even then, often need to retreat to solitude to recharge. My entire life I knew that my brain worked differently than most, but only discovered this “pretending” when I was left to raise a four-year-old on my own. I quickly started piecing together that her brain worked differently too. I decided to stop pretending at home and be the person I needed as a child. I tried my best to teach her how to use the strengths that come along with that brain to successfully navigate the neurotypical world. I attempted to teach her how to overcome her hypersensitivity to touch and sound using systems that work for me, to focus on the work so that she could speak from the comfortable place of expertise, and to know that home is a place of refuge where the real you can thrive (even though this wasn’t true for me until much later in life). Through this she learned to be herself in ways that I never could but still lived with the constant anxiety of knowing that she was not normal and that a sensory meltdown could be triggered by the smallest input. This led us to therapy (something younger me never believed in), which led us to be sent to an OCD specialist because her rules and routines were misunderstood, which led that specialist to confirm it wasn’t OCD, which led to the suggestion that we meet with someone from Alternative Behavior Strategies. Little did I know the impact that this meeting would have on our lives. It was this recommendation that eventually led to understanding a key piece of information – why our brains worked the way they do. It amazes me that it took only a few minutes of conversation with the right specialist to suggest a few hours of testing to finally understand the why that eluded me for 39 years of my life and 15 years of hers. Time to rip the band aid off and lay it all out there – both my best girl and I are Aspies (people with Asperger’s). Since technically only one autism diagnosis still exists, we have Autism Spectrum Disorder, but I don’t see it as a disorder, and neither should you. Writing this wasn’t easy and posting it was even harder – I don’t want the diagnosis to be among the first adjectives associated with either of us – but I hope that by doing so I raise the level of awareness in my small circle of friends. I hope this newfound awareness leads at least some of you to seek to understand what it means to embrace and support someone with a neurological difference. I hope that one day at least one of you that do will be in a situation where you can use that understanding to provide support and acceptance to the “weird” kid, and maybe just maybe help them to understand earlier than I did that they don’t have to pretend to be normal. Feel free to use me as an example of that guy you once knew – feel free to send them my contact information if you still have it. Sincerely, The me you never knew",3 dull. thats it. i cant even tell nobody. gonna go take a bath with by girlfriend the toaster. haha.,2 "I have been dating my current partner for just over 8 months now, and my issues with trust have escalated and are causing distress in the both of us. I am struggling to work out whether the things I am worried about are purely in my head or not and it is turning me into someone I don't like and is unhealthy to be around. There seems to be an equal number of times that my fears have been founded on irrational thought or 'what if' situations where I connect things together assuming they mean that my partner is cheating on me, and literal, physical things that I have seen or noticed that make me feel deeply suspicious. We've spent a lot of time discussing these things and i've always taken the angle that I don't know the truth and that I am seeking it out by having an honest discussion, and that I am aware of the potential that I am experiencing sever trust issues, although my partner finds this understandably difficult as I am indirectly accusing her of cheating. She insists this is a mental health issue and is pushing me to seek as much support as possible with psychiatric assessments etc. I am open to this and already participate in weekly therapy sessions, my therapist has expressed that she needs me to operate under the assumption that these negative distrustful thoughts are just that, and my partner is faithful, and that I am exhibiting OCD-like patterns of behaviour. I find it very difficult to work out whether the issues are real, she is lying to me, and this intuition is putting me on high alert, resulting in irrational fears and unacceptable behaviour like checking up on her or being indirectly invasive. OR the irrational fears are a symptom of a serious mental health issue, and that is making behaviours or events seem more suspicious than they actually are, triggering more irrational thoughts and destructive behaviour. To give an example, recently we were working together at hers, when I looked over at what she was doing I believe strongly that I saw a specific window open on her screen that was an online chat app. It stuck out because I had never seen her use it before and to me it looked very clearly like that, a chat with messages on both sides implying a conversation between her and someone else. She opened it and closed it very quickly and I remember this happening twice. Initially i tried to suppress the distrustful thoughts and this worked for several weeks however they eventually spilled over and I asked her about it, she asked me to show her the app so I opened it and it was empty. To this day, internally I do not have doubt about what I saw, but she insists she never opened that app, that she's never seen it before, and that she doesn't have an explanation. This has made me more suspicious as if it was something benign, why would she lie about having used it? I am asking here if there is some way that I might have misunderstood the situation due to something like OCD, if I am suffering from OCD, or other mental health symptoms does that mean I could have hallucinated this chat window, or mistook something else for it? Or maybe she used it briefly for something work related and forgot? (the app is Microsoft messages and she uses office 365 for work.) I feel like this is too much of a stretch for me, and that there is something wrong here, but I also cannot ignore my mental health issues, she says she loves me very much and I feel the same way towards her, many of her actions show me that she is invested in me feeling happy and positive, so I don't doubt that part, but I can't shake the suspicion that this is because she benefits from me being supportive and loving to her, and that I help her when she is going through difficult things. This might be too much of a relationship advice type post so I apologise if it is, I just feel like the only rational explanation that would mean she wasn't manipulating and abusing me, that allows for me to have seen these things as I have, is some kind of serious mental health issue. Since my therapist has mentioned OCD before I thought I would ask here to see if anyone had any thoughts on my situation or be able to offer advice or support.",1 "Though I haven't been diagnosed yet, it is relieving. My psychiatrist said ""I think it very likely that Rich may have several comorbid disorders."" and ""I also consider ADHD to be a veritable possibility"". I wasn't just lazy etc. This is the report anonymised: > Dear Doctor > It was my pleasure to meet Rich today as crisis psychiatrist. We were accompanied by Mental Health Support Worker Psychiatrist2. > Rich is a 25-year-old university student with a history of suicidal ideation, depression, and anxiety. He was seen by crisis team over the weekend stating that he had suicidal thoughts with a plan to drown himself. He said that fear of dying was keeping him from acting on this. When assessed by ABC, he said that wanted to be evaluated for ADHD. He was scheduled to see me today in a crisis slot regarding the suicidal ideation. > Today, Rich denied any thoughts or feelings of suicidal ideation. He says that this is something that comes and goes depending on triggers. He said that he felt better after speaking to crisis team yesterday. Rich said that he had posted in a forum online recently and someone suggested, based on his post, that he had ADHD. Other than this, he said, “In general, I feel like a disaster and a failure.” > It was important to Rich that I know the contents of his online post. He read it to me from his phone and key points are as follows: > * “I didn’t do well in high school. I couldn’t concentrate, so I didn’t do well and I frequently got into trouble.” >* “At 15, my mum pushed me to drop out and go to community college.” > * “My high school really promotes going to university…” > * “I thought public school, but for some reason mum became hostile whenever I brought this up. I kept pushing. Eventually I did go to public school, but I ruminated on [the way my mum felt about it] a lot.” > * “I finished high school with not enough to go to university. I started to feel depression and have suicidal thoughts [more intensely than ever before.]” He says that the emphasis private school placed on University contributed to this. > ** “At the same time, mum pushed me to get off of antidepressants.” He says that this was hurtful to him. >* “My parents convinced me to do an art course at community school, but I left it. Then I left to go to do pre-uni work at university, but I was hurtful to others there and caused drama. I always apologised, but I would spend time feeling bad about it and then I would do it again. It was almost like this obsessive compulsion.” > ** “At university I failed the second semester twice. But then I turned 20 and anyone can go to Uni at 20, so I went to another university. >* At university: “At 21, I started a computer science degree. But I cheated and copied things from online a lot. I organised this Ted Talk forum and I spent more time on that than on my studies. I got depression and dropped out.” >* “I spent the next year on a benefit and could hardly get out of bed all that years. After that, WINZ told me I needed to work or study so I got a job in a supermarket. When I lose focus, I start talking to myself and people at work noticed and bullied me. When I do that thing where I talk to myself, I don’t feel like I can switch it off. Eventually I did have a plan to end my life.” He did not go through with this plan. (See more below under “psychiatric history.”) >* He said that during the year when he didn’t work or study/ was on the benefit, he was not in contact with his mother. >* Then I had a job doing door-to-door sales for a few weeks. Then I did a year of Uni online. I’m in my second year now. But I’m not sure if I should carry on because I cheated that first year. I’m like, ‘Should I start over? Can I be bothered?’” >After Rich had finished reading this to me, he thanked me for listening. He said that he had also written down a list of traits that he thought I should know. They are as follows: >* “In year 8, I was put down a grade in maths. >* “I didn’t pay attention in school.” >* “In early high school, my parents noticed a drop in my work ethic.” >* “I struggled to socialize. I didn’t know how.” >* “In conversations, I spoke in the way people speak on social media. I didn’t really realise that you speak to people differently in real life.” >* “I get these really obsessive thoughts. Like you know…YouTube personalities? Even if they’ve gone quiet for years, I’ll check up on them years later to see what they’re up to.” >* “I talk to myself. When it happens, I want to stop but can’t.” >* “I was described as weird growing up.” >I spoke with Rich’s parents on the phone with his permission, in order to go through an ASRS-v1.1 with them, the results of which are below. (He asked me not to share the other things that we discussed today with them.) Some information from his parents: his mother said that it was never his impression that he had ADHD. “What I can say about Rich is that he’s always been a square peg in a round hole. But our biggest concern is that he talks to himself constantly. The talking gets quite heated and he gets wound up. It’s like he knows we can hear him but he seems surprised that we can hear him when we say something to him about it. It’s all the time.” Rich’s dad: “Even when he thinks he’s not talking to himself, he’s whispering. It’s outside, it’s inside. It’s getting to a point where he can’t stop it.” They say that this has been going on for the last couple of years. It may have been going on longer, but there was a time when Rich was away studying when he was not in touch with his parents. >Substance Use History: When I asked Rich about substance use, he said, “I’ve never been interested in drugs or alcohol. I should say that I don’t feel the urge to seek out music or movies. When I watch movies, my mind is always on other things. Also—I don’t look up porn. >Psychiatric Review of Symptoms: >DEPRESSION: He endorses a history of depression, feeling of worthlessness, suicidal thoughts. He told ABC that on a daily basis he has thoughts of suicide, because he frequently has thoughts like, “I’m a fuckup. A failure.” He feels that he has “failed” at life and is behind where he should be in life >MANIA: Not elicited. >ANXIETY: He reports, “I ruminate a lot on experiences that I’ve had in the past.” >AD(H)D: Tests attached >BORDERLINE PD: Not elicited. >PSYCHOSIS: Not elicited. >Psychiatric History: Rich has never seen a psychiatrist before. He reports that he was prescribed citalopram years ago and took it for about 18 months. I asked if it helped. “Not really, no. I don’t remember.” He reports that he was taking both venlafaxine and risperidone while at university. “I don’t feel that they helped.” >Previous suicide attempts: >* In 2019, Rich booked out a hotel room with a plan to end his life. He had bought some chemicals on the internet that he was planning to use. He apparently had his laptop in front of him with messages pre-written to his friends. He also had some medications to prevent nausea from the chemicals. He did not go through with this, citing his fear of death from stopping him. >* A few months later, also in 2019, he bought chemicals from Bunnings that would apparently create a lethal gas when combined. He went to an isolated area with a tent. He again aborted this attempt out of fear of death. >Rich also reports that he went to see you about two weeks ago and scored high for depression and anxiety on rating scales. He said that you referred him to a psychologist. >Medical History: >Allergies: NKDA >Medical: Denies >Surgical: Denies >Current Medications: Denies >Social History: Additional information to that which Rich outlined above: he has an older brother and a sister. He has a good friend named Joseph who has been his friend throughout school. Relationships: he said that he had a partner during his last three years of high school and a few other casual relationships here and there. >History of Abuse: He denied a history of physical or sexual abuse, “I would consider a lot of what I experienced growing up as emotional abuse.” >Legal Issues: Denies >Family History: He denies a family history of attempted or completed suicides. >Mental Status Exam: Rich had appropriate grooming and hygiene and was pleasant, cooperative and polite. He seemed fidgety and somewhat restless. He had appropriate eye contact. His speech as somewhat monotone in quality but was otherwise normal in rate, volume and clarity. His thought process was notably circumstantial and was very continuous—he rarely paused to let me say anything or respond to what he had said. At one point he picked his nose in front of psychiatrist2 and me. He endorsed depression. He denied any current suicidal ideation but said that this can change from day to day depending on triggers. There was no evidence of psychosis. There was no evidence of any urge to harm others. >Assessment/Plan: This is a 25-year-old gentleman who describes a history defined by years of social and occupational difficulty. His mother’s description of him as a “square peg in a round hole”, his descriptions of social difficulties, his social oddities in our interview (picking his nose), as well as his mother’s report of always having to line things up and move things around are reminiscent of the social and stereotypical behaviours seen in Autism Spectrum Disorder. While I am not confident in making a diagnosis of such after having met with Rich once, I do feel that, given Rich’s frustrations with his self-perceived failures in life, and his depression in relation to such, this should be explored further with neuropsychological testing. I will therefore request a referral to the Psychology Service for consideration of this. >I also consider ADHD to be a veritable possibility in Rich’s case given his ASRS score and the way that he presented during our interview. This could also account for his history of doing something different just about every year of his life since his teens. Failure to treat an existing ADHD could mean a future that is similar to this which in turn would feedback into his depression. I am hopeful that his neuropsychological testing can illuminate this further as well. I considered prescribing Rich a stimulant now but as I will be referring him to the North Mental Health team, which will mean the establishment of care under a new psychiatrist, I have decided to defer to said psychiatrist who will be able to appreciate Rich’s “before and after” presentation in relation to stimulant therapy. This will also give opportunity for a second opinion in this area. >It is also possible that Rich has both ADHD and ASD. An estimated 28% of individuals with ASD have comorbid ADHD. >Rich may also have an underlying depressive disorder. However, it may be that many of Rich’s depressive symptoms resolve if indeed he has ADHD and if this is treated appropriately. >Finally, when it comes to Rich’s talking to himself: I think this may possibly represent the stereotypical behaviours/ social difficulties that are part of ASD. However, Rich also reports that the self-talk can seem compulsive in nature, like he can’t stop it. It is possible that it has to do with an anxiety disorder. This will also need further exploration and clarification. >I think it very likely that Rich may have several comorbid disorders. The following quote from a 2019 Lancet article seems to describe Rich and his own years-long experiencing with “impairments in adaptive functioning” : >“For people with autism, having co-occurring mental health conditions increases the possibility of worse long-term outcomes, 8 9 10 11 including increased mortality risk. 12 For instance, co-occurrence of autism and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is associated with greater impairments in adaptive functioning, health-related quality of life, and executive functioning than having autism alone. 13 14 15 16 Similarly, co-occurring anxiety in individuals with autism amplifies autistic symptoms, including social impairments, 17 18 19 sensory features, and repetitive behaviours, 19 20 21 22 and might be associated with the development of depression, 23 24 contributing to increased risk of suicide and early mortality. 25 Aggression, self-injury, and oppositional behaviour might also begin or increase with the onset of depression. 26 Autism diagnoses are also associated with increased risk of severe mental illnesses, including psychosis spectrum and bipolar spectrum disorders. 27 Co-occurring mental health conditions in autism tend to persist from childhood into adolescence, 28 and the prevalence of co-occurring psychopathology increases in adults with autism, 29 contributing to substantial long-term negative effects on health and quality of life.” >Lancet Psychiatry, The, 2019-10-01, Volume 6, Issue 10, Pages 819-829 >With regards to Rich’s suicide risk: he reports that this fluctuates from day to day. His risk factors include male gender, and self-reported suicidal ideation. Protective factors: no prior suicide attempts, no family history of suicide, absence of substance use, absence of psychosis. I consider his protective factors to outweigh his risk factors and therefore consider treatment in the community to be appropriate. He has shown that he is comfortable ringing the crisis team when he is in distress, and I have urged him to do this again in future if his suicidal ideation recurs or increases. >I will otherwise refer Rich for follow-up as outlined above and I wish him all the best.",3 " Lately I have been facing so many problems in both personal and professional aspects of my life and which I'm not sure whom to share with cuz no one in my life seems to understand me. I'd always be there for everyone in my life, listening to their rants, however insignificant they might be and when the situation comes where the roles are reversed, everyone seems to turn their backs on me. It's just hard being the nth option to everyone, even in the time of the need, even for my own family. They just ward off everything I tell, by saying I'm not doing enough or by giving unsolicited advice which I never asked for and when I try to keep everything to myself, I come out as ""rude"" ""angry"" and ""the different"" one. Why can't people just put themselves in my shoes for once before passing on any statement?! I get that people have their lives, but all I'm asking is a shoulder to rely on just for a while to take a breather and not feel shitty about myself atleast for a quite minute. I'm just exhausted!",0 "These fast few weeks I’ve been feeling a lot more traumatized and emotionally/cognitively a mess to the point where I’m getting daily migraines. Last night I was feeling very traumatized and had a pretty bad night emotionally. This morning I woke up with a fever and headache with no other symptoms. Throughout the day I was just spiking fever randomly. After doing some research, I’m pretty sure it was a psychogenic fever. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced getting psychogenic fevers from bad ptsd episodes ? Thanks <3",3 "Hi there! I started on meds about 6 months ago (20mg IR generic adderall 3x a day, although some days I only take 2). It proved to be super great at first but over the last couple months, I feel so much more anxious than I used to. I am trying o be mindful of my caffeine intake and have greatly reduced it but I still experience awful anxiety. The main difference lifestyle wise is that I have taken on more at work and I am experiencing increased stress in that area. I’m considering talking to my doctor about decreasing the dosage or just tapering off completely. I do take other meds for anxiety/depression that I’ve had no issues with. Has anyone else experienced this?",0 "Growing up has never really been easy for me while I understand that everyone has a much more difficult time and I should be grateful. I would still like to wonder if anyone else deals with what I had to go through. I would have to deal with favoritism because I wasn't the perfect child who wanted to do everything my step mom wanted me to do. If something bad happened in the house I would be blamed for it. If I had a meltdown or I would freak out I would be insulted or made fun of for ""faking it"". I developed some sort of a reflex every time my step mom would raise her hand I would flinch. I was not even safe from my sibling, as I would be called retard or very hateful things. It would also be very hard for me to get a job because of my disability. Life in general has been difficult.",3 "If I had the monetary means I think I would leave tonight. I mean leave my spouse. Not sure if that is the right word because it sure hasn't been feeling like a marriage. More like two roommates. The Odd Couple. I'm Felix and she's Oscar. She tracked mud all over the house. It was up to me to vacuum. She brought a carload of junk home from her aunt's. It was up to me to unload it, didn't help at all. Romance is nonexistent. Life seems to exist of chores, errands and grocery shopping. I'm just a service animal that keeps her company. I get the feeling that long ago I made a mistake. I had come to the conclusion that I didn't want to spend my life alone. I should have stayed single, never bother anyone with my depression.",2 Hey y'all! I'm 25 F and just got my ADHD diagnosis this year🎉 I'm mainly inattentive so it makes sense why I was so late to be diagnosed. I wouldn't have even guessed I had it because I didn't know much about it more than the hyperactive expression. As of late I'm trying to learn more about it to help better understand myself. It's pretty mind blowing how many traits of mine point back to ADHD lol. If anyone wants to nerd out or share experiences I'd be super down to chat and my dm is always open!,0 "Recently I started dating someone. I haven’t really dated anyone since I developed PTSD, and it feels weird. I’m worried to show that side of myself to this person that I like very much. I get panic attacks when we go to certain parts of town, and I just stifle them. It’s very frustrating, and I’m wondering if it gets better. I really like this person, I just don’t want to freak them out.",3 "I (23M) have my first appointment for an assessment next week and wrote a couple of my behaviors down. Mainly things about stimming and special interest, social behavior is kind of hard to pin down, because it's more complex. Or I m just not able to explain properly what's going on with my social game. Now I'm unsure if it's appropriate to bring already written answers for probably a lot of their questions to the assessment. I don't want to be like, this and this are my problems, and that's why I'm autistic. Like I already have an answer to my question. I also wouldn't self-diagnose before getting a proper diagnosis (but that's just me, don't want to discredit anyone self-diagnosing). Or is it ok to bring that with me? ​ A second question I have is that I really got into autism so if I'm autistic I'd consider that as my new main special interest for about 6 months now. Could that change the outcome of the diagnosis process? ​ If all this is just stupid you can just say that I'm really nervous and want to make sure I'm doing everything correct.",3 "Hello you wonderful people! I wanted to come on here again and say thank you to everyone who upvoted, replied, and sent a message after my last post. It felt amazing to hear that I’m not the only one, and you all gave me hope that tomorrow *will* be better eventually. I’m happy to report that I had my doctors appointment today, and much to my surprise I was diagnosed on the spot! Turns out my GP has a particular spot for mental health and had a much more positive response than I was anticipating. My previous doctor retired last year (and was not the best when it came to mental health matters), and due to covid I have only spoken with my new doctor over the phone so I didn’t know much about him. He was patient, thorough, and informative, and didn’t make me feel like I was a hypochondriac spending too much time on the Internet. We completed an assessment questionnaire that took about 20 minutes, and he explained that between my test score (very high lol), and what I described to him, he felt comfortable giving the diagnosis and prescribing medication. I can’t start the meds until I complete blood work and an ECG, so it looks like I won’t be starting until sometime in December. But knowing that relief may be coming, and also finally having a professional confirm what I have thought for so long, is enough to make me feel better than I have in a while. Once again, thank you for the support, friends! I’m sure I will be back in this sub often lmao",0 "In the dream I was talking to a friend about this dude that I liked, talking about how cute and bashful he was. I said some other explicit things too. But the problem is I can’t remember who or what he looked like. So what if I was talking about some k*d. This literally just happened, I just woke up. This is a great start to my day.",1 "i sincerely, do not believe that i ask for much. i’ve done all the therapy. i’ve done all the meditation and coping mechanisms. i’m fucking tired. i’ve done enough therapy and work on myself to complete someone’s whole lifetime. i’m a great communicator. and i still manage to ruin every single familial or platonic relationship in my life. i know all the techniques blah blah blah don’t blame the person when ~communicating~ not ~arguing~ just calmly explain your point of view and allow for understanding of the other person’s point of view. listen to listen and not only to respond. apologize when wrong. all of it. i do all of it. i ask for nothing. i am an amazing friend. i am a wonderful human being with a gigantic heart and i fucking know it yet no one seems to really notice. they only notice when you stop being the way that you are because you get tired. but i never get tired because i am fucking incapable. i am a human doormat and will let anyone step over me but i ask for the simplest of things. i get everyone has their own lives and their own things and feelings and i’m not the only human alive with needs. but i don’t fucking ask for much my god. an update here or there. some words of affirmation every once in a while do the soul good. simple things. and i would go to the ends of the earth for anyone i care about. but it just seems that no one will do the same for me. and then i’m like oh yeah my therapist told me that no one owes me a single thing and to not have expectations and to fucking get it through my brick skull. and i try. and i let everything go and just apologize for my mental illness. i’m so tired. exhausted. reddit, enjoy my stream of consciousness 😞",2 "I (F, 31) have recently started going to therapy after many years of struggling with social anxiety and what I think (and my therapist too) is depression. My problem is now that I have felt like this basically my entire life so how can I even know what normal feels like? My therapist often gives me questionnaires to fill out that ask for example if I have ""little interest in doing things"". But I always had a hard time getting myself to do things, so have I always been depressed or is this just how my personality is? Thanks for any input.",2 "So I'm currently 20 years old living with my mom in a one bedroom apartment. She has the room and im living behind the living room area. Just enough space to set up my gaming area and a air mattress. For the past 3 years i've jumped from house to house to house. I lived with my sister for half a year and got kicked out for not getting a job, moved in with my girlfriend and basically the same thing happened and broke up, now with my mom. I've never been to do the doctor or anything for mental illness mainly because its just not important in my family. We never talk about depression or anything. I literally lack motivation to do anything. Not a single thing pops up in my brain that i wanna do except get on my playstation to talk to my friends, not even game really. All the friends i have are over the internet. I've known them for about 4-5 years so we're all pretty close. Since i got kicked out and had to move to multiple places i dont have any irl friends to talk to or hang out with. I cant tell you the last time ive went out to hang out with a friend. Maybe over 2 years realistically. I've been on and off with finding a job but its so hard to commit to applying for me. Im very emotionless you could say. Not a lot of things get a reaction out of me. So i come off as very cold and or boring. Though each night i go to sleep i burst out crying into my pillow for no reason. A lot of random thoughts spring to my mind throughout each day. Idk its exhausting trying to talk about everything im feeling. I dont even know what i just typed. Dm if you want. I dont really care or mind. My name is Matthew",2 "I’ve been dealing with PTSD and nearly every morning I wake up depressed. This has been going on for over a year now, almost every morning I have a flashback that’s more intense than any flashback I deal with during the day. Even with no flashback I deal with very depressed, hopeless, overwhelmed feelings and can’t get out of bed. I feel worthless and sad. Sometimes my dreams cause it, or sometimes it’s for no reason at all. I’m wondering if there’s some explanation/reason why it’s so much worse in the morning when I wake up. I’m wondering if anyone has dealt with this and what did you do?? I have started drinking heavily in the mornings when I first wake up because I can’t deal with the pain.",3 "pre isolation I was barely hanging on, with seeing and talking to my friends in person to help me and if I had a breakdown at school I texted my friend to come and get me, but now I'm stuck in a house where everyone's at my throat, no one really is texting or calling me, and I don't get alot of sleep, I wake up from night terrors, and I always try my hardest to be friendly and happy, but I feel empty, Im very alone physically and mentally, I have people to talk to but I start typing and then I loose any will to keep typing, and I feel that typing this, I try talking about my shit but I feel like I'm annoying people cause they just say ""I'm sorry"" and just never reply again, and just stop texting me, and I've been really struggling from the isolation and from the constant nightmares, I can't catch any breaks and I hate being like this, alot of the time I just want to end it so I don't have to keep feeling like this, Stay safe, love you guys",3 "I’ve previously mentioned my adhd and sought guidance but this time it’s a different situation, I’m in advanced maths but yet I’m not good at showing it. I get my work done but my teacher wants me to show her how I do it, I get rly stressed during exams and can’t show how I get the right result. I really struggle with explaining/showing how I came to this solution. Does anyone here have any Idea on how I could work my way to fully explaining how it goes. Ty for listening <3",0 "Anxiety: what to do? Hi /r/adhd, ADHD has made my life hell like the rest of us, inattention is the main culprit in my case. In all likelihood, there is nothing I could do about it, since medication failed and I’ve been so far unable to find a CBT therapist who’s competent in ADHD. So much for becoming _a man of focus, commitment and sheer fucking will_. But it occurred to me that, in my case at least, inattention is not the only issue. One of these is anxiety. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder in 2009. At that time I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD yet and I thought my anxiety was concomitant to the deterioration of my professional and financial situations as well as my crippling depression. But fear never left me alone throughout my life, it has always been there, more or less manifesting itself but pervasively lurking in every corner of my mind. I wouldn’t define it as terror or phobia, it’s more of a diffuse but permanent feeling of anguish, a sort of boss fight music playing in the background foreshadowing something awful about to happen and reminding me of past traumas. It’s even in my dreams, I seldom have a night’s sleep without nightmares. To make things worse some of my fears did come true recently. I cannot tell whether it’s ADHD or some form of mild PTSD, or just normal worries. I don’t know whether there is such a thing as destiny or not, but one thing is for certain; some events are not predictable, and if they are so then be them necessary or preventable, they are at any rate far beyond the control of a single person. This is what I call fate and fate you cannot escape. So the wisest attitude is not to worry about it and deal with its consequences, stoically and rationally, if or when they happen. But this reasoning doesn’t seem to work, quite the opposite, my brain can’t help simulating worst-case scenarios, inducing even more stress. I saw five psychiatrists, two neurologists and three psychologists IIRC to help fix my ADHD and none could help me. So I’m very, very reluctant to see yet another professional to address anxiety and I must confess that I developed a sort of superstition about anything related to trying to solve my issues. I’m +40 and starting to accept the fact of being a loser for the rest of my life if that gives me peace of mind. But of what use is living in constant fear? Fear is a bitter substance that spoils all pleasures, the simple and common ones as the rarer and more intense, and deprives you of rest and tranquility. What should I do?",0 "I always have to be right, if I’m talking about something or providing my feedback. My personally is INTJ, so everything I do I evaluate it and analyze it from every single angle. I have to know more and more information about something. Sometimes I can over evaluate something so much that I predict and forecast what would happen next just based of the patterns and I can do it all just at a single thought. There have been moments where I’ve said something just based of a fewer number of variables and have been dead on accurate about the outcome even to the number. Somehow still been right I don’t know my subconscious is driven to find the correct answer even without applied thought or just luck. Is this is a common personality trait ? Or does else have a similar process ?",3 "I’m going back-and-forth on whether I should mention it on my bio. My mental health challenges are definitely a day-to-day part of my life. On the other hand, I’m not sure if I should put that as some thing people should know about me on the profile or not. Is it too much information?",3 "October 28th, 12:47 my mom yelled fire and at about 1:15 I watched it burn to the ground. My childhood, memories, belongings, anything anyone of importance gave me. The 2 dollar bills my great grandma gave me because she loved them so much, gone. Today at about 12:17 I went out to my car to start it when the smell. The smell alone can make me have a panic attack and look up, one of the top middle apartments has smoke blowing out it. Then I saw it, that orange glow. The glow that’s made me stay up at night, the glow that makes me blow out candles. I ran over to the fire alarm, pulled it, ran upstairs to my apartment, and as flash backs, ate at me. I have a good ability to be as sharp as a razor in high stress situations, I grabbed my dogs shaking, calling my mom who had my brother and his friends that the apartments were on fire and to get back. I grabbed my dogs ran out the door, put them in my car, drove away from the building, ran back inside to open the garage (we have a staircase inside our apartment down to a personal garage), opened, grab our safe with our birth certificates in it, passports, by this time 911 had been called, anything we may need is out of the apartment and the only things left inside are wants not needs. About 1:00 pm to 1:15pm the flames are now under control and kept to the apartment it started in and the one blow it. Edit: wasn’t finished. I’m in shock, I don’t know what to do, I’m just so defeated.",3 "It's when nothing matters anymore… signals become no different than noise. Perception is intended to find patterns - rhythm… pull back enough and it scatters; I can't recognize a thing.  I think it started in the lacuna. You lose yourself there - ghost memories; they mean no harm but can't help but haunt. Peer deep enough and maybe you'll get a flash. A moment in time decrypted but without context. Sometimes it's not very clear - blurred like my glasses were broken. I broke them often... which explains the lack of focus.  I now know that pain isn't very scary. Because I don't remember how much it hurt. That was forgotten as were the bruises. What you remember is the fear, the tension; the grit you had to conjure… teeth that clench and grunts forced through undeveloped vocal cords.  You dissociate at these times because you're enduring. It's how the brain deals - I hear many like me also view these types of memories in the third person. It's because you're above yourself - the fear gets you high like K… dissociatives would probably be like walking into an old home… abandoned with blanket curtains and a corner for junkies to die from avoidance. Avoid those things best you can but I don't blame them anymore. Must be nice.  I haven't fully given up. There is a resounding force in me. At times I can lose sight but I can manage to feel my way through. You put your hands forward and examine textures. What feels right? which is the right way? Being blind in this way has its advantages - creativity is essential; psychologically I am advanced. I have poor sight yet great insight. A third eye with 20/20 vision. I try and be humble but with this I cannot. This is the core of my pride. What I've been through has earned my eternal respect. I deserve to see myself as a survivor and in that I can say I have achieved. That's what matters.",3 "How long have you had OCD? My insight varies, but at this point I think I am at 5 years mark already. I read some paper that said that median is around 7 years though (and there are cases of 20-40 years) so I'm not surprised yet that I wasn't in < 12 months group.",1 "Every time I sit down to study for college or even read something out of leisure, I find my mind starts racing and wondering away. Same thing happens in class, both now on-line and with presential classes. I become mentally exhausted very quickly and feel like I accomplished nothing in an hour long study session. This leaves me stressed, making it hard to retain any information at all, and leaves me predisposed to immediately feel stressed again the moment I sit down to study. I recently learned this could be related to my asperger diagnosis and the overstimulation issues that come with being on the spectrum. Has anyone else struggled with this? If so, are there any tips you could give me to deal with this? Any info on the subject is appreciated. I am going to therapy, but I could really use something more immediate. Thanks Edit: punctuation",3 "Aright this text is not going to make too much sense but i hope you understand. First of all,i am a young university student in greece Negatives: •Lately i suffer from anxiety And thus i only sleep 5 hours a day the past 2 weeks •Cant focus on reading something consistently •Change my mind all the time •Low self esteem •my house is a mess Positives: •I pay attention at my university classes and thats relieving cause i think i am going to be able to become a professional after all •i now live by myself and started managing some cash to live by,given by my family(and im preety good at it!) •I have managed to put (general)goals and work towards them in order to slowly steer my life into the direction i want it to go.For example:1goal to be good at uni,2 goal ,to have a drivers licence.I put the goals,and succeeded in them.now i have put more such as go to the gym 3 times a week,and start having a healthy diet In the end(tldr),even though i feel very non functioning some times,i have managed to not stay stationary and keep evolving,and working towards my goals in life.",0 "I've been struggling a bit for the last few weeks, but I'm not sure if those are symptoms of depression.. I have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep and getting out of bed. I spend most of the day laying in bed. Sometimes I want to get up and shower but it feels so difficult and I just stay in bed. I haven't attended university lectures for 4 weeks now and I hate myself for it It feels like I have stomach cramps without actually having stomach cramps. My only social contacts are tinder hookups, but I can't even get in the mood. A few days ago I had such an urge to cut myself and I did, but I couldn't even draw blood and just scratched myself, just too cowardly to do it. I don't know why, but I feel this urge more and more. I haven't done it again though. I kinda want to see a doctor but I'm afraid they'll just laugh me out of the room, since people with real depression probably have it way worse than me. I'm sorry if this isn't the right sub for this question",2 "I live under the same roof as my abuser. I was never taken away because the government .is corrupt. The flashbacks tear me apart, it would be better if i just end my life now. Rather than sitting through endless years of pain turmoil.",3 Is anyone else over friendly at first with most people but then still socially awkward and ultimately push new friends away?,3 "Does anyone else have experience with really bad side effects from adderall? Did another medication help or did you just give up?? I’m experiencing headaches, awful sleep, depression, really bad anxiety, and no appetite. I told my doctor and he seemed surprised by the way I was reacting and said that probably no other medication will work.",0 "hi. i have no one to talk to about this and i'm terrified of speaking to someone irl about it so i'm saying it here. basically i pretend to be characters in my mind and act out as them irl. these characters are often from shows, animes, a series or in a few rare cases, actual artists i look up to. characters i rlly like. let me explain i'd have a script in my head about a certain scene or story i would want said characters to do or partake in, and i would basically pretend to be all of the characters in said scene and act it out, with music of course. and all of this i do with the notion that i am said characters/person and im being filmed for something. a second season, for a stream, a youtube video, a music video, a movie, stuff like that. i'm basically roleplaying/cosplaying as these characters without dressing up as them. using my body as a pawn to act out this script i come up with in the spot once the music starts. it sounds very weird and to me it is, hence why im reaching out to this forum i. i have stopped doing it compulsively because i realized that i would do it every single day and it's been like that for months after covid hit. it's not something new tho. i've been doing this since i was like 13 years old, maybe even earlier but don't remember, who knows. but it was never as bad as it had been a few weeks ago. i stopped doing it. i'd do it every single day, but now it's been reduced to maybe once or twice a week, if i can even do it. because now i cringe in the middle of a scene and stop because i feel too weird. maybe im finally growing out of it, who knows. this is really weird and embarrassing to me. but most of all i'm afraid. because i don't know if this is an underlying coping mechanism i have (and coping for what exactly? i don't know) or just a weird and quirky thing that was harmless. the genre and theme of these scenes would vary a lot. sometimes they're funny skits, sometimes they're emotional, sometimes they're serious or fantasy related. it really depended on what i was feeling that day. i'm an art student and have always been interested in creating stuff. shows, etc so maybe this is my way of coming up with stuff i guess?? but the characters aren't my own. theyre not ocs, theyre not me, they're existing characters (or people) and some of the fantasy tropes are almost always from other existing works/worlds, just replaced with these characters. it's like fan fiction. i'm basically writing a fan fiction in my mind lmao. and that at face value doesn't sound so bad i guess, but i feel like, after 8 years of doing this, it's starting to catch up to me and affect me. basically i've been having an existential crisis lately. i'm 21, a chick, i suffer from anxiety, ocd and even slight depression, i feel like a failure bc i was supposed to be a doctor but now im an art student, all that shit. basically a lot of self hate i guess, and it's been escalating to a lot of obsessive thoughts over my gender, sexuality, (real ocd themes, look it up if u don't believe me) a lot of ""who am i?"" ""who was i?"" ""who do i want to be?"" all of that shit. and i bring this up because most of the guys in my ""skits"" are dudes from shows i like. yes typical shipping shit yes all of that. fanfiction tumblr shit yes all of that. and idk it's just starting to make me feel really weird? because again i've been having a lot of trouble with my gender lately and obviously my brain is going ""well you're always pretending to be these guy characters in your ""scripts"" so maybe you're a guy"" which yea doesn't feel right but ocd is powerful lmao. never suffered from gender dysphoria. certainly not body disphoria. i know a lot of women/female presenting people cosplay, roleplay and even write guy stuff all the time so maybe i'm overreacting, but it feels like maybe my thing is a bit more... concerning than normal role playing. i don't know if im overthinking any of this. it could be a weird but harmless thing that has nothing to do with me, my gender or sexuality; a niche hobby. could be a compulsion of my ocd?? could be me coping with feeling like shit. or it could absolutely be something far deeper regarding gender. could also be something even more serious than any of the mentioned before that i need therapy and counseling for. i don't know and the uncertainty is killing me. this has me very scared because i don't know what it means, i don't know why i do it and i don't know the underlying (if any) problems this might be hiding. i don't know if im just coping with being a failure, i don't know if im doing this cuz i'm bored and it's not that deep. i seriously don't know and i need advice :(",1 "i am already diagnosed with OCD and i am 100 % sure that i have BDD but the symptoms are literally the same as ocd's symptoms, i obsess over whether i am ugly or attracrive, i compulsively check my face in the mirror for a long time until it feels even and it takes a looooooooot of my time, extreme fear of being perceived as ugly, reassurance seeking 24/24 .... if this is not ocd idk what it is",1 i failed 3 years in university because of ocd and depression now im on fluxetine 20mg and risperdone 1mg im feeling ok but i cant focus on studies i just study english literature and i feel its hard for me i want to pass and make myself and family proud but i dont know if its because of medication that i cant focus and understand my lessons any advice,1 "I am honestly blessed. And I am here to say you’re blessings may not come often but they do come. I basically just turned 26 diagnosed 5 months ago and currently taking meds. My wonderful wife had my back the whole way it took her a second to understand, but I didn’t even understand right away so we can’t expect someone else to. This medication has opened many doors for me and I believe I will continue to discover things for many years to come about myself and others. I’m so happy that I can do that I finally have a reason why I am the way I am and with each new thing I learn the more I find ways to overcome it or accept myself. And without my wife I don’t think that any of this would be possible. I have anxiety like a lot of us, mine is pretty crippling so a couple of tasks are at this point out of the question, but she handles those for me. Completely taking it off my plate. Everything else that I have struggled with she and I find ways to overcome. And she is extremely understanding when I struggle. QUESTION: Here is something I don’t know if everyone else experiences when I started taking my meds a bunch of memories that I guess younger me repressed started to come back. Anyone else experience this or is this just me? I never know when one will come back. And have no control over it, while it may be upsetting in the moment I look at it and realize what it has done to me and make an effort to correct my thinking. PDLR: What I’m trying to say is that things get better. Push through. Accepting that you ADHD is why you do somethings you do is step one. Step two is finding a way to fix it (if it needed a fixing). And step three is trying to be better at said things every day. That last step is the hardest because out of sight out of mind. I feel like having someone to help is essential for us. And I couldn’t be happier to have my perfect wife with me through this whole journey! Thank you for reading my long post <3",0 "I'm looking for a book, podcast, newsletter article from somebody who felt like a ""lost cause"" and managed to overcome the ADHD struggles to live a fulfilling life. I'm looking for the insight, the light-bulb moments, the personal tips that helped the person live a fulfilling life. I want inspiration to keep going because I know giving up will always feel worse. Share a text that resonated with you. Something that made you think ""I understand where he/she is"", ""I feel like this person used to feel"". PS: By ""rags to riches"" I don't mean money. I just wanted to hear the stories/insights of people who were down low because of ADHD and pulled through to get a fulfilling life. EDIT: So many beautiful stories! I did not know my post would resonate with so many of you. I am floored! Also happy to see how a lot of you succeeded . I haven't had time to read them all but a lot of them are astonishing. Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I am at the beginning of this journey. I was diagnosed just 7 months ago and have been getting mixed results with medication but it's been really tough. Truly understanding my condition will take time and it was nice for me to see that the process is long but we can push through, get help and work with the funny way our mind works. Thank you for the awards. I have been truly moved by your stories! ​",0 "Long time OCD sufferer, recently diagnosed. My whole life I’ve been super weird about what clothes I wear due to how they fit and if they’re comfortable enough (I didn’t wear jeans until I was about 13) and I’ve always been picky with t-shirts, as I find most have an itchy, cardboardy feeling but recently, t-shirt’s have become extra itchy to me and I have to immediately almost tear them off the second I put them on as I feel so uncomfortable. Any help? Thank you.",1 "Does anyone else take these meds with a diagnosis of depression? It’s actually depression with “mixed episodes.” I take Cymbalta, Lamictal, Abilify, and now Welbutrin. I’m just wondering if anyone else has a similar diagnosis because I feel like the doc should go ahead and call me bipolar but maybe I’m wrong. And yes I know I need to talk to him about it but I’m obsessing on this right now.",2 "Im currently working at a Tech Store and ... Im just so frustrated, it feels like i forget everything i learn every day and get more and more anxious with customers. When I started my Internship i was so excited to learn about everything and help customers find what they need. But everything turned out so different. Nobody teaches you anything. Customers just want the cheapest shit they can get and are rude to you when it breaks and make you responsible. You're left alone more and more. All my Boss wants is for me to sell those extended warrantys because that's were the money is. Nobody truly wants the best for the customer. And to be honest, i get why. So many People treat you like shit because you don't know anything cause nobody tells you shit. I tried learning on my own, watch some YouTube Videos, read some Articles but ... I just keep forgetting everything or lose interest to fast. Its just so boring to learn about every single thing and so overwhelming. And now im just getting more tired every day and keep avoiding Customers because im scared of them because of my lack of knowledge. I don't know Shit. And nobody really cares. All they care about is the extended warranty. Anyways, i really just wanted to rant. Hope your Jobs don't kill you excitement like mine does. TLDR: Nobody teaches me shit but im expected to sell stuff at my store with 0 knowledge. Thats slowly making me depressed.",0 "So I live in Wisconsin and I've been struggling with ADHD symptoms my entire life.. it's been miserable but anyways last night I took the assessment for ADHD online and I got my results this morning! I am ADHD- inattentive type and now will be booking a follow up appointment with them as well Feels great to get my life on track Has anyone else ever used telemedicine before? What are your thoughts?",0 "does anyone else get pretty intense headaches as soon as they start calming down from a triggered episode/attack etc? been having a really hard time and having these panic attacks and triggered episodes every night recently and the second i’m able to kind of calm down, my head starts pounding. i’m wondering if it has to do with adrenaline or a come down or something. just wondering if anyone else experiences the same thing.",3 "He’s diagnosed PTSD and bipolar. He takes a lot of medication and most days are great. He still struggles with random crying and irritable ness. But that’s ok. He tells me he loves me a lot and how excited he is for our future. Im a first responder and around 6 months pregnant. I have a child from a previous situation. I recently cut back on overtime and hours because I was struggling to keep up. I had him get a job to help supplement, he was very unhappy and having mental health issues with it. Fast forward the past 3 days he’s been absolutely unrecognizable. He randomly told me he messaged his ex girlfriend who he hasn’t talked to in around a year, he made her out to be the worst person in the world and said he’s been thinking about her quite a bit and reached out to be friends. Ok I want to fix whatever issues are happening and ask him to simply block her and respect me atleast for the remainder of this pregnancy. He goes off for two days loving and hating me. Seeing a future and not wanting a baby. Saying he’s scared. Crying and making suicidal comments saying the baby was the only thing keeping him alive. I messaged the girl, and she basically said he’s a terrible person who needs help because I was confused at how left field. Last night he coldly told me to get out and not return so I grabbed the cat and my daughter and left. I randomly decided to call him and it went to voicemail so I got paranoid and turned around. It was like he was excited to see me and I told him he wasn’t the same person he was 20 minutes ago and he busted out crying. He ended up admitting himself into the hospital. He has massive memory issues as well if you ask him if he took his medication he doesn’t remember and has a meltdown I honestly was getting afraid for my safety, by no means is he violent or ever has been but the love/hate was sudden and severe to a horrifying point I’m stuck between disappearing with this baby or waiting for him to get out",3 One single load typically takes 2 tries. Anyone else? Unbelievably annoying.,1 "Anyone else super sensitive? Maybe it’s just me; however, I feel as if my environment has more control over my body and thoughts than I do. Sometimes I’ll have one negative thought and that spirals into a full on anxiety attack. Or maybe, the wall will be a certain color that makes me think of something that reminds me of something else that makes me sick (poor example Im sorry). It’s very late sorry if my question isn’t articulated well.",3 "When I was in high school, if I lost any pen I would be able to find it since it's just somewhere in my bedroom. But this has become an issue in college. I spent a lot of time at the library. After each session, I would always end up with 1 pen fewer. I tried to look for it afterwards but I could never find any. I tell myself to steal some pens when I go to events/lectures/public places but I always end up forgetting about it. I don't want to be that dude who asks for pens in a lecture hall (lol) but I literally have 2 pens left. It's been irking me a lot. Any tips?",0 Do you guys have themes that just stick around while others just come and go?,1 please do not suggest SSRIs I don't want them (sexual sides),1 "I am in my 30s now and since my teens I have always craved those of a female persuasion but the trouble is it seems to mainly be a physical desire. I think the problem is I find it hard to connect with them as they are so very different and thus I end up objectifying them. I'm afraid it is an illness and I've tried nofap and everything but the urges don't go away. Is this common with Asperger's to have over exaggerated attraction to the other gender?? It seems like normal typical's just see them as other people whereas to me they seem to mysterious and different.",3 "Hi y'all, I'm a 26 year old woman, undiagnosed Asperger's/ASD. I would like to get diagnosed, but assessments are very expensive or inaccessible in my area. I've recently reached a point in my therapy sessions that made me start researching ASD because I've always struggled in social situations and I don't think social anxiety is the explanation anymore. I don't feel anxious; I feel like an alien from another planet. I can barely sleep at night because I have to practice every potential conversation I could have the next day, or practice facial expressions (I suck at showing ""surprise"" or ""excitement""). My research and this subreddit have really helped me understand myself better, and I was starting to feel hopeful. Here's my problem: I've been masking my entire life. Many times I've been unsuccessful, but I am burnt out from trying to appear friendly and sociable with my classmates and coworkers. Now that I'm back in person for grad school, I've been trying to unmask and just be myself. I thought maybe this would make me feel better, but I can see how uncomfortable people are around me. I don't speak enough, or express enough in my voice, and I'm no longer making an effort to detect social cues for small talk and shit like that. I want to make friends. I'm not a social person, but I want people who I can talk to. It just feels like I can never win. I either continue masking and feel miserable, or I unmask and feel isolated. For anyone else out there who's tired of masking, have you had any success in being yourself and making friends? TL;DR I've been masking my whole life and just want to be myself for once. Now I just make people uncomfortable and it's hard to make genuine friends. Has anyone else tried unmasking and making friends?",3 My seed doner has been gone most of my life and now when I’m 16 he wants to try and build a relationship I’m not ready for that I don’t even really want to move slow but my sister is ready and she trying to make me feel bad bc I’m not but I don’t feel nothing I’m know I’m not wrong and we have two different views but I’m just not ready I’ll go see his uncle that’s tried to be there with us but I’m not ready to try with him I need advice,2 "Well, since I have discovered, joined, and participated in this subreddit, my life has gotten so much better, and also worse. And it's for the exact same reason. We celebrate what ADHD is and isn't, our failures and foibles, the common mental hijinks we endure, and every way our life is impacted by our shared disorder. My life has been improved by being reminded of what my life was before, what I endured and fought with and against every day, the coping strategies and supports I had built for myself for better and worse. It has shown me how much my life has improved and allowed me to share what I have learned and discovered with others who are undergoing what I went through and with others who have gone through the same struggles that I did. It reminds me that we aren't alone and that we can get through all of the morass that our lovely brains can cause. My life has been worsened because, by going through the struggles that everyone else has posted about, it has reminded me that some of the trials and tribulations that I have overcome are not uncommon and are a part of my every day existence. I have been starting to backslide I to come bad habits that I overcame, some problematic behaviours that I thought I had beaten. And the worst part, the thing that I'm having a real problem with, is that I find myself justifying it to myself while I do it. Because, hey, it's not me, it's the ADHD. I'm not at fault for this, it's the ADHD. I'm not throwing blame, I'm not trying to cause problems, I'm venting. Because I know that there are people out there who are reading this who are undergoing the same problem. I want accountability. I want to be reminded that I am NOT my ADHD. I want to be helped with being kept in line, to stop stepping onto that slippery slope of allowing myself to become the person who let the ADHD decide for me what I was going to be doing instead of being the one in control. I'm struggling, and I need to be reminded that those unhealthy coping mechanisms I used to rely on are just that, and that I am not who I used to be, and that the fighting I have done are not just a waste of time.",0 "Is anyone on Zoloft and actual ADD meds? I’ve been told because I have anxiety (wondering if anxiety is actually a side effect of undiagnosed ADD) that stimulants would be bad. Have an appointment on the 28th to discuss true ADD treatment and meds. Currently they just have me on Wellbutrin in order to ‘treat’ ADD-like-tendencies. It gives me energy, but I’m still like a squirrel on crack when the ADD is really hitting hard. Anyone have any experience with Zoloft and ADD/ADHD meds? Thanks :)",0 "A two part question for those with a good auditory memory, fans, musicians, songwriters and producers alike: Ever listen to music with your SO and suddenly blurt out “OMG that has to be (insert Name) on (insert instrument)” because you recognize their style (and were right), or “ OMG I bet this song was written by (or produced by) insert name”…. Does it kind of produce an eye roll or drive your SO nuts… Tonight I was listening to “Makin love outta nothing at all” (ps: I always had an alternative music background, not so familiar with rock) at home by myself and my brain went “omg that is so Meatloaf” and I blurted out “That has got to be a Jim Steinmann song!”… And then I realized it’s not really as fun without my girlfriend’s eye roll…. So part two: anyone else their ADHD “trivial brilliant moments” feel kind of hollow or just plain useless without someone else around?",0 "International Asperger's Day is celebrated on the 18th of February each year. The day aims to raise awareness about the condition, educate the general population and highlight the challenges people with Asperger's face. Have a nice day my dear community!",3 "The other day I was talking to someone about how some autistic people prefer interactions with pets over interactions with humans. And that person commented that it's probably that animals have fewer and simpler emotions and are easier for us to process. I found that a bit offensive, and to be honest I rarely get that ""full of love and affection"" feeling from or towards any humans. But I just couldn't get this out of my head and kept wondering whether that person's statement was actually true.",3 "This webinar took place yesterday and may be of interest to some here. Shared thoughts and experiences from a diverse panel, followed by a discussion about the direction of ASD research to best serve the community. [Full webinar](https://youtu.be/r5fXXbBmxpU)",3 "I just need someone to talk to, and genuinely talk to, I feel so lost right now and I can’t get out of bed, I just don’t know what to do.",2 When I’m constantly doing my mental compulsions and being anxious I can prove to myself I don’t want them. I feel like if I relax I don’t know if I just might want them. I hate it. I feel like I’d rather live my life in constant panic and not want it rather than being relaxed and wanting it.,1 "doc said i have most symptoms of adhd but not much hyperactivity symptoms. said clinic normally is pretty hyperactive too (?) if the patient has adhd. so therefore she didn't diagnose me with anything, gave a medicine for me to use and come back 2 - 3 weeks later with my mom to adhd clinic to look further in this matter. effects of medicine are feeling more energetic, less focus issues, less sleep problems, feeling more motivated etc, (it is used for depression and to quit smoke (asked to pharmacy)) as i know you don't have to have much hyperactivity symptoms to have adhd, there is more than 1 type of it for this (Inattentive ADHD) advice is appreciated, thank you edit:learned the name of medication ""wellbutrin""",0 "One of my coping mechanisms is suppressing emotions. I was a ""normal"" kid in primary school and I had many friends there, but when I went on to middle school, people suddenly began laughing at me for what I do or say, and I was insulted a lot. I was even called creepy. So I decided to suppress emotions. Because of that, I'm now very bad at expressing emotions. I'm probably seen as emotionless. I rarely smile when talking with someone, and people assume I'm a cold person. I guess I need to practice showing emotions more. Does anyone have the same experience?",3 Ok. We need to accept uncertainty. But what to do when it is about a taboo theme? When you suspect you are terrible and sick? When you think the whole world even your family would hate you if they found out about your intrusive thoughts and fears? How to keep loving myself with these doubts?,1 "Plain and simple it's a Rollercoaster if you are lucky you have good/semi normal and happy childhood that is the coaster as you reach the top before the first drop but after that it is all down hill, you keep falling and falling into empty nothingness then you sometimes start falling so fast you float for a second get alittle bit of normalcy/happiness. But it's a fleeting moment. My story if anyone cares starts as most kids for the 90's parents make just enough income to be considered middle class grow up in one house one street till my early 20's. But even before that it might have looked or felt semi perfect but the signs started off slowly. Any where from 5-10 my parents start fighting and slowly breaking apart there masks from a happy family and loving parents not saying they didn't try but there trying lead to a false hope a false sense of security. Fighting screaming talks of I wish I died start from my mother. My father calling her a raging bitch and other words to the effect. Me and my younger brother all but growing up trying to live and learn then between 10-15 my younger brother gets accused of rape/sexual assault of course the old addive of kids will be kids/boys will be boys get thrown out there me being none the wiser and not wanting my brother taken from the family all while knowing the truth. End up with my first Demon that will keep me up at night my first of many secrets for my brother and family that all haunts me. Again later on between 15-18 younger brother accuse of sexual assault and me of course knowing the truth... then comes years of me lying for him with his girlfriends who he cheats on all while I'm teased for being older but not having sex yet or even a really girlfriend... more demons to keep me up more lies to keep me up. All while parents fight more start doing drugs openly in the house and slow tearing this false hope apart. 18-25 more lies some even my own now and my family's. Starting of with finally having sex myself with a girl alittle younger truthfully unsure of her age the night it happened but learning later on approximately 16 me of course around 18 scared for years it would get me arrested or in prison. Didn't happen all the while going through the family being more direct about there lies and thoughts younger brother moves out of the state my father goes with and while he goes with he cheats on my mom me not finding out till later on and another secret to keep. And demon to keep me up it all repeats demons won't leave and keep me up. Part 2 will be more in depth if I ever write it but if not 80% it's cause I have a mental breakdown or something just wanted to see if writing about it would make me feel better...",2 "I had this horrific flashback I screamed, I puked, I sobbed, was unresponsive, my fiancée had to rush me to the ER *TW CSA* I felt him on top of me going in and out of me I was 4 when this happened God please help me",3 I'm conditioned to get almost panicky and slightly suspicious if someone shows even the smallest amount of kindness.,3 "What have I learned in 2021? I’ve learned a lot of things. I’ve learned what it’s like to have a whole grab-bag of negative emotions as my default state. Depression, anger, resentment, loneliness, lust, jealousy, apathy, boredom, regret, despair, shame, self-loathing, guilt - I’ve gotten close with all of them. For some of them it was just a re-acquaintance. I’ve learned what it’s like to not smile for a few days at a time, and what it’s like to cry almost every day. I’ve also learned what it’s like to not be able to respond to a “how are you doing?” from family and friends without tearing up. I’ve learned what it’s like to wake up at 3 AM just to have a panic attack, to pace around my apartment with my hands on my head, hoping that my heart doesn’t give out and wondering if I’m actually losing my mind. I’ve learned what it’s like to expect a major, positive change in my life…and then to see all the signs that it’s slipping away…and then for it to actually slip away. All while trying to prevent that from happening, being met with insincerity, and ultimately failing. I’ve learned about the physical effects that all those negative emotions can have on me. I’ve felt bursts of motivation to take care of myself, followed by days/weeks/months of neglect. I’ve fasted for 60 hours, and then binge-ate for 48 hours, and then been completely clueless as to what the fuck I’m doing with myself. I’ve learned to be more honest with myself, or at least to be aware of all the times when I’m not. I’ve learned that my gut and my intuition are usually pretty accurate. I’ve learned that I let other people dictate my life almost constantly, and that I have a debilitating need for outside validation. I’ve learned that boredom crushes my spirit more than most of those other negative emotions. I’ve learned what it’s like to constantly play out all the unsaid things that gnaw at me, to have a dialogue between myself and others, to endlessly wish that I could tell it like it is - for months and months, on repeat. I’ve learned that this is what’s “best for me,” and that it’s a better option than real communication, because I’m too weak for that. I’ve learned what it’s like to feel wholly inadequate, across all the different “versions” of me - the man, the friend, the boyfriend, the worker, the sibling, the son. I’ve learned how much a vivid dream can ruin my day. I’ve learned that I’m not very close with most of my closest friends. I am selfish and fail to be there for them, and most of them don’t seem to care a whole lot about me either, other than meeting some very basic minimums of friendship. That being said, I’ve still learned what it’s like to tell certain friends that I love them, when I’ve known them for most of my life and have never told them that. I’ve learned what it’s like to cry on the phone to friends I’d never expect to cry on the phone to, and to do the same for some friends that I would expect to do that with (but never had). I’ve learned what it’s like to have a friend diagnosed with brain cancer, and to realize how much I take my friendships and my health for granted. I’ve learned what it’s like to have shitty circumstances force you to recognize the people who you really want to remain in your life, who you want to be closer with, and who you just enjoy hanging out with. I’ve learned what it’s like partnering up with a childhood friend to try and make money in a nonsensical financial market, and I’ve had a lot of fun doing it. I’ve learned what it’s like to feel helplessly stuck while working a cushy, well-paying job full of friendly people. I’ve learned that, once again, the negativity of boredom far outweighs any of those comfortable aspects. On the other hand, I still haven’t learned how to stop caring way too much about what friends and family would think if I ditched my career path with no real plan of what to do next. I’ve also learned what it feels like to believe that I have no relevant skills to change the path of my professional life. And, for the first time, what it’s like to feel too old to realistically do something about that. I’ve learned how much I hate working in an office. I’ve learned that I care way more about myself than I do about a pandemic, or about overarching social issues. I’ve learned about (or been re-acquainted with) all kinds of different little addictions - physical, virtual, mental. I’ve learned what it’s like to build up a love for a special place in the world, and then to have my ties to that place severed to the point where I won’t go back any time soon, even though I want to, because I know all of those associations will hurt and I won’t enjoy it. I’ve learned how superficial friends can be when they’re really just hoping to fuck your significant other once you’re out of the picture. I’ve learned that I’ve made almost no progress from the meditation and spiritual reading that I was really connecting with months ago. I’ve learned that I’m a pretty lazy person most of the time, and I have unrealistic expectations for immediate results. I’ve learned that I despise others for putting their own emotions ahead of the needs of other significant people in their life, even though I do the same thing all the time. Over and over again this year, I haven’t been there for people that needed me, just because I didn’t feel that I had the energy at the time. I am a selfish person. I’ve learned what it’s like to lose my last grandparent, and to know that I was too lazy or uncaring to call her and catch up, even though I had the gut feeling to do so weeks ahead of her passing. I’ve felt very raw empathy for my dad for losing 2 siblings and his mom over the past 6 years. I’ve become much more focused on death - my parents’ eventual deaths, my pets’ eventual deaths, my own eventual loss of physical health and death. I have a horrible fear and sadness that the prime of my life is slipping away in loneliness and engaged in work that I don’t care about. I’ve learned what it’s like to have my daily life filled with little associations and reminders that just bring sadness. A type of car, a landscape, a song, a show - I haven’t really made any progress on these reminders impacting me less. I’ve learned that these are my lessons to deal with, that most other people don’t know or wouldn’t care, and that my issues don’t involve some magical quick fix. I have to find a way to create my own happiness and to live by the values that I actually care about. I hope I can start to do that in 2022.",2 Here I am again. Crying in bed. Sad and lonely. I’m grateful I have people around me that love me but I still feel alone. In my thoughts. No one truly listens when I open myself up to talk about my depression. It’s already hard enough to admit that I’ve made no progress in life. That I’m still depressed. I’m just tired of being me. I’m tired of being such a downer for everybody. For being my own burden. I want to get better but I’ve always regressed on therapy and medication often because I cannot afford it. Is there a way I could get better on my own? I hope one day I can come back to this subreddit and finally have something positive to contribute.,2 26(M) I have friends and family that love me dearly and I don't want to hurt them but I feel so alone. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I've never had a real relationship. Lost my dad when I was 14. Can't keep a job to save my life. I just want to end it all but I don't want to hurt those who love me. I'm having thoughts right now and idk what to do I'm scared.,2 "What is the best way to motivate an Aspie? Like, say the thing your asking is in a relationship, and it’s a small thing, but it makes you happy. For example, if you commonly make coffee for them why would they say no to ever making coffee for you? Or if you give them a back massage often and they say no because they just don’t do that? Not referring to doing it instantly because I asked them to but then explaining the reason they never do those things is because they just “don’t do that.” I’m wondering if this changes depending on what you’re asking like in a romantic relationship if you want romantic gestures Ect. Basically what I want to know is since it’s common to get no as an answer to a question of doing things, even good things like watching a movie or Ect cuz it doesn’t fit into the agenda that they had for that moment? How does one motivate an aspie to say YES to things.",3 "I get sucked into everything Except my schoolwork. It feels like no matter what is available I’ll find something to distract myself. However there are certain things that suck me in more than others. Is it even worth it ditching those things when they’ll just be replaced, and what other methods if any are there to being productive outside of quitting everything else cold Turkey.",0 "Can years of Ritalin inhibit your growth? I've been getting it since I was 7 until I was 18 because of my behavior now i'm 24 years old. now I notice that I am quite short (5'6 feet). When I was 15, a deviating growth was also noted at the pediatrician but it was never linked to the medication I had to take it every day from my childhood, mainly at school, at home it was only in special cases. the dose started with 1 pill then it became 2 pills",0 "Hi everybody, this is my first post here. Also Im not good enough in english yet, so I'm sorry if I write wrong (feel free to correct me C: ) So I'm trying to enter to university after a long way looking for something to do with my life, for the first time in my life I found something that I really enjoy and than I want to put all my effort in it, I finally found something than I'm sure I love and I feel capable to do. The thing is the entrance process is hard and long but I am managed to get to the middle of it, tomorrow is the next test and I must finish one work for it, I was almost done but then I' froze. When I try to work a lot of thoughts come to mind about how I'm a failure and then I'm not going to get it. I had many work and school failures and now I'm so afraid to no get this, which I really want, than I can't finish the task. This is not the first time this has happened to me. ​ Does anyone have any advice? I'm just can crying right now. Edit: Correct spelling",0 "All my life I’ve been told to “just pick up as you go! Then you’ll never have a mess!” The problem is that time starts to move sooo slowly when I do manage to pickup or clean a thing or two and I always feel like I’m in a hurry. Or the task seems so daunting that I just walk right past the item I need to pickup. If I turn on music, get in the right mindset, and the stars are aligned, I’ll go on a cleaning spur and knock out half the house. I always tell myself I’ll keep it this way if I just “clean up as I go”. Rinse and repeat.",0 "Lockdown was a difficult time for many to maintain a decent social life and I’ve definitely felt the affects. Having been diagnosed during the pandemic and other stuff going on, for the most part, I didn’t want to see or talk to many people because I didn’t want to talk about what’s going on in my life. I blocked loads of people out because I decided at one point they weren’t great friends, but now I’m having second thoughts. I now feel like I’m making things more difficult for myself and maybe I need to ‘put my ego aside’ and reconnect, but I also feel that maybe I’ll be reminded why I pushed them away and regret getting in touch. All I know is I really need to get out more and feel a lil lost. I’ve spoken with my therapist about it but they literally don’t know much about ADHD so I’d really like to hear from fellow ADHD folks! 💜",0 "TLDR at the end. I wanted to hang out with one of my friends, it ended up being a group thing with us and three other girls at a little coffee shop to study; it went fine. At one point near the end though my friend wanted to hear about this problem I've been having. Not wanting to bother the group, I was just telling her but then everyone else started listening and commenting, which made them seem interested. But after like a minute they seemed bored and annoyed, so I just stopped talking. After I got home my friend told me I went on too long (it was just a matter of minutes) and even she was bored by the end. That sucked enough, but when I said it felt like that group always gets annoyed when I talk she said she hadn't picked up on it. But then went on to tell me about how other times I've talked too much about something, offended one of her friends multiple times, or bored the group with a game or whatever. I never knew and she didn't say anything before because ""it didn't seem like a big deal."" Now I feel like shit and like I've somehow unwittingly fucked up every time we all hang out. I don't get why people act interested in stuff they don't care about or seem enthusiastic about games they hate, it's really just stupid and leads to bigger problems. Sorry for the rant. TLDR: friends acted interested in what I was saying but then got annoyed. Found out I've pissed them off a bunch of times before and everyone was bored by me tonight.",3 "3 years ago, ocd was telling me to return home to get paper napkins to use them for a specific compulsion.e Under ocd anxiety attack, I was forced to try and make a fake promise to Christian God about not returning home in order to get paper napkins. I tried to make such a promise because I wanted to use the excuse of the promise in order to force myself not to do the compulsion. I even tried to ask for a punishment if I failed. I think before finishing the promise/punishment/deal, I canceled it because I never meant it and I explained that it was just a fake promise in order to trick my mental illness into leaving me alone. What if other Gods accepted the promise if Christian God is not real? Every day i have stupid, intrusive thoughts and I repeat certain words and phrases because I worry for a misunderstanding. what if my thoughts break the promise? sometimes, some thoughts/words get mixed up with my prayers and i worry for an even bigger misunderstanding. For example, someone makes a promise that he wont climb his rooftop in order to use the chimney. What if that man climbs the rooftop in order to use the chimney but decides not to. is the promise broken just because he had already climbed the chimney, even though he did not use his chimney? when does his promise break? if he climbs the rooftop and enters his chimney or is the promise already broken the moment he decides to climb the rooftop in order to enter the chimney, even though he does not enter the chimney in the end? is the goal of entering the chimney enough tobreak the promise?",1 "Ive been dealing with loud neighors for a few months now (loud music/yelling or other wise loud conversations) and while Ive tried to block it out and tolerate it, it has been making me stress out quite badly. Im dealing with daily headaches and overall tension and sleeping issues now. My doctor suggested different methods of relaxation but I havent found anything that really helped me yet. I dont really enjoy taking walks in a big city with too many people around and anything that has me sitting around makes me painfully aware of my surroundings, it ends up overstimulating me. So i was wondering if anyone else struggles with this and what other ways there are to relax and effectively unwind?",3 "I'm a little scared tonight. For a while my memory has been getting worse (mainly short term, but both) and even typing this I keep forgetting what I am trying to say, or what I was going to type. I also have to read each sentence back five times to make sure it makes any coherent sense. Also I read that sentence wrong while re-reading and was very confused. Tonight I was trying to enter my password for something and had to type it like three times, and then finally stop, and very slowly hit each key one by one. I have typed with both hands for years. They wouldn't move right. I'm just gonna blame it on the fact that I got 3 hours of sleep instead of 10 an apparently my brain says goodbye if it doesn't get 10+ (ideal is 12 not gonna lie) Also I had to interact with way to many humans today. Idk, I will see in the morning after I reset.",2 "I just moved to a new state and haven't had luck getting in to see any doctors for anything. Through availability around me is really damn non existent. I've been on meds for the most part of the last year since I just got diagnosed then. I haven't really had a long period of time without them. I moved for this job 2 months ago and have been rationing out 1.5 months of meds out to last me until I can see anyone for a refill. Unfortunately where I live now the process is much more of a pain on top of not being able to get in to see anyone. So I've been off my meds for the past 3 months and holy shit nuggets. How the hell did I do anything before my meds. I legit haven't been able to function at work and there is a noticeable difference in my performance it's brutal. Yesterday I almost broke down cause my mind went down a rabbit whole thinking I may get fired for not performing as well as I did when I started. Today I decided well let me take the meds today so I can accomplish something.... Literally finished 2 weeks worth of work today. It wasn't anything hard, just a bit time consuming, and annoying to do. I feel so much better now but I'm almost out of meds and I'm getting nervous. For today I guess I'll consider this a win but the anxiety I'm getting over losing my job because I can't seem to get meds on time is frustrating. I didn't think I was gonna be struggling this much to even be atleast seen once. 1. What have you all done in situations like these when it comes to your job/career? 2. Does anyone have any suggestion or ideas at how I could go about finding a Dr to see before I have no meds at all? Suggestions, or advice on how to go about in my situation really would help me. Thank you all in advance!",0 "I feel like a fraud and inferior. Even amongst other autistic people. It seems like a lot of you are able to remain cool headed in a lot of situations. Meanwhile I'm freaking out and having mental breakdowns at my former job and house a lot of times due to not being able to handle all of the yelling and screaming all the time. I got fired because they got tired of me a few months ago. I guess it doesn't help that I'm much lower on the spectrum than others. I wish this didn't happen as daily as it does. I feel non functioning even compared to people here. A lot of people here has accomplished a lot and managed your disability well( with major difficulties of course) Plus I have no freinds at all so that doesn't help either lol. No one wants to deal with me. I'm an embarrassment to do and only useful for their own service or if they need advice. Family members also consider me worthless as well. I don't feel like I'm worth it. Its based on my general lack of functionality in society. I managed to screw my life over because of myself and now I'm hating every minute of it. I wish I was even haft as functional as you guys are. This sounds like self pitying and it kind of is but I can't help my current emotions and loneliness. These emotions are irrational I recognize and I wish I can move on like a lot of people seem to be able to. Things happen in the past and you can't change it so you just need to move on. The feelings of inferiority even amongst others with the disability is also irrational since its a projection of your self hatred onto others. I know this rationally. But emotionally I'm a mess. I wish I was as cool headed as the rest of y'all are. I can't stand these emotions. These self pitying and whiney emotions are pointless and in the way but its like my head won't let me let go of all of these things. Go ahead and downvote.",3 "Random thought..... as Aspies, we mask. Nowdays we have to wear masks, covid n shit. So are Aspies wearing masks on masks? What would that look like? Mind blown?",3 "I've been on concerta just shy of 7 months now (& Wellbutrin for 9). It has been awesome in allowing me to start and finish my activities of daily living, finishing my final semester of university, being less hesitant/anxious at work, and completing extra tasks that would sit and collect dust. I've been a casual gamer for years and years, enjoyed reading the odd book or movie too... But lately I've wanted to have my down time and make the most of it but I feel I can't at the same time. I feel I need to be productive and finish those small things that are not really important at that moment and time. Does anyone else have a hard time just relaxing and enjoying downtime?",0 "I was actively abused from age 14-16 (im almost 19 now.) it was a horrible life i was living. I'm grateful its over but the pain, nightmares and panic attacks and intrusive thoughts. never end. If I see a person that has similar features to one of my abusers I start to panic and hope its not them or I'll be sick. Same thing if I see my abusers online, i get sick. I don't know why but I've had an abuser pop up in ""people you may know"" I felt so sick I looked at his photo thinking it can't be and i felt so nauseated. My heart races and I have those intrusive thoughts. Weeks later I still think back to that moment. If you're wondering I actually have been to therapy especially as a teenager after that and they blamed me for being the one talking to an older guy. Shamed me and when I was crying and saying I want to leave she said no. It made me never want to go to therapy again. I already had a hard time speaking to adults as I'm autistic.. How do i cope with these things? I talk to my significant other about it all and i always have but I don't want to burden him.. I often also feel guilty for the nightmares I have because i see my abusers and they do awful things to me sometimes or i run from those things. I'm scared I'll see my abusers in real life as they don't all live that far from me, I can't move away. If I see similar cars or silhouettes im sick as a dog. What can i do?",3 "I was just talking to a friend about a couple of incidents in my early childhood that kind of solidified this as a personality trait for me, and then I read that a lot of people on the spectrum have a nervous laugh? When I was a kid of about eight years old, we were reading a story in class about a man who got mauled by a polar bear. If I had to guess why we were reading this story, the only thing I can really think of is that people really gave less of a crap about protecting kids from fear back then, it was kind of a weird world at the time. Anyways, we got to the bit about the mauling and I started cracking up. And I can tell you 100% it was not because I thought it was funny, I was scared out of my wits. I got taken out of the classroom and had a firm talking to, and I tried and failed to explain to my teacher why I'd laughed. My parents understood, though. This happened a few other times with random other things in school, too. As I got older, I got a little better at controlling it, but even now in social situations, especially in public, when I'm uncomfortable I kind of have this vapid laugh. It's usually in a high stress situation, or when I'm experiencing a lot of stress. It just seems to come right out of me. Makes me feel a bit stupid if I'm being honest, and it's happened before where I had no idea what someone was talking about, and just kind of kept laughing, and they got annoyed with me. Anybody else have this issue? I literally can't seem to stop it, it's almost tic-like at this point.",3 "First of all i would like to say that very recently i started to notice i have PTSD symptoms i havent been officially diagnosed but the thing is that there's an overwhelming evidence and proof that it migth be the case In the following days and weeks after"" the thing"" happened everything broadly conected to what happened triggered me and made me have flashbacks, i had nightmares very often, my memories were more and more intrusive even when i felt happy, almost even like a punishment, they showed me feeling helpless. I dissociated from time to time. Now 5 months later, some of the symptoms are less i dont have those nigthmares that often, im not as easily triggered but when i am it is worse rn, i get very anxious and can't get out of my head what happened and him. i usually shake my head or my face expression drastically changes by hearing or seeing that name. I also am avoiding more and more stuff that remind me of what happened wich i didnt in the past. For example i have this book of this historical figure that shares his name... I only rested after that book wasnt being able to show that name. And i also have dissociated a lot more and only go back to reality after someone or something makes me go back Has anyone experienced this?",3 "So sometimes I see people posts things with the gist of: “if you’re depressed eat healthier, have a healthy sleep cycle, surround yourself with positivity”. You probably know the type of posts I’m taking about. I can’t help but get really pissed at that. I feel like an asshole because yeah maybe eating healthier would improve my mental health but who are you to tell someone what will help when you probably have never experienced what I have? Maybe it’s because saying that completely overlooks the amount of energy it takes to do those things, even though they’re simple? Am I the asshole for getting mad when people say stuff like that?",3 I feel guilty for what's in my head. I feel guilty for not being able to interact with people without the stuff in my head. I hate it. I'm finally recovering after months of spiraling but the guilt is eating me up.,1 "Literally everybody around me is coupled up and happy except me. I literally work alone and come home to an empty ""home"" after being alone all fucking day Monday through Friday. Meanwhile everyone else in my life is married and having kids and all that shit and also too busy for me most of the time. I feel like a loser and a failure because of it and the envy I feel of everyone else is just eating me alive. I just want to find someone who will choose me. Someone who will be there for me on my darkest of days and best of days both. But it feels like that's apparently too much to want or ask from anybody. I hate feeling lonely and unwanted so much. I can't live like this forever.",2 "I don't have the privilege of being able to afford therapy. I don't have supportive family members who are willing to take the initiative to learn. I've virtually no friends. Never had a partner. I am isolated. There is no one, and I mean no one, that I can talk to without feeling I'm burdening or inconveniencing them. So, naturally, I come to Reddit to vent, and I vent about work. That's predominantly the thing I struggle with the most. It's so lovely when you've Bootlicker Ben telling you, you need to stop blaming everyone; you need to stop being pissy, you just Need A Goal and to Just Go For It. I hate this bullshit. I hate feeling lazy, albeit knowing that I am. I hate being depressed and struggling with anxiety, and wrestling with the guilt and shame of having job-hopped twenty times. I hate the ideation that comes with these feelings. I hate knowing I need help, and being more than willing to get it, but not being able to access it. I hate having goals I feel I'm too stupid to pursue. I hate wanting to have opportunities I know I can't fund due to finances. I can't do this. I can't deal with the constant blame and shit people throw at me, calling me lazy, useless, helpless. I can't. I feel so fucking lonely. So shitty. This isn't where I thought I'd be at 12; 9 years later essentially crying myself to sleep every night, living with my mum, and patting myself on the back every time I manage to do laundry. I have a job now and I cannot fucking stand it, and it's all my fucking fault.",0 "during the day im good but when night comes, just crying. in my whole life i just wanted someone to hug.",2 "Hey all Hopefully this is the right sub to post to. Guilt is my trigger from childhood and it’s causing an issue as a parent and wife. I frequently give into my kids out of guilt but then it backfires. Examples below 1. I want snacks so I give my kids snacks too bc I feel guilty about them not also having snacks. Side affect? They eat like poop 2. I let my kids bring stuffed dolls into the car today (normally no toys in the car) and they freaked out at daycare when I said they couldn’t bring them w. I let them have the dolls bc when I said no at home they looked so sad, so I gave in. I have more examples but am curious if anyone has successfully or is currently being successful in breaking that guilt-instant gratification cycle?",3 "Hey there all, so I'm a 29 year old man who suffers from a bad case of Autism. It's not bad to the point where I can't function at all but the main issues I have is it does give me a lot of mental anguish what with stress and especialyl anxiety. I'm trying to figure out the best way to word this without being too wordy but the thing is this. I'm currently being supported my father and stepmother. I live in an apartment with my older step brother. I currently have part-time, minimum wage job. The job itself is not extremely taxing because of the part time hours and it also helps allow me to work on my side income which is tied with freelance art. The problem though is that in recent years is that my stepmom is getting impatient with me. I do get it and I know that us being not blood-related makes it even more taxing. She doesn't understand what Autism is, let alone that no one in her family has it. I'm not placing blame, I do get it but it just makes me feel horrible because I know my limits and I know if I take on more work, I will have a mental break. I really feel the best thing to do is to try to get out of their care because it's causing problems. Nevermind that while my dad is a lot more understanding, he's in his 70s and I know he won't be around forever to help me. I've been trying to save some of the money I make from my side income for the inevitable in the meantime, I really think that I need to try to get away from them financially supporting me but I don't know where to start. I was looking up some resources and one thing that did stick out to me was ""Independent Living"" for mentally disabled people and that seems like the best option for me but I'm not sure how to get started, let alone if I can qualify. The thing is that I was only diagnosed with my Autism when I was a child but due to a lot of personal life problems that affected my small family life, my dad never followed up to get me diagnosed again when I was in school when my social problems got worse. So I don't have any diagnosis of autism in my adult years but I definitely can feel it, I know I still have it and it seems to have gotten worse. I'm sorry, I'm all over the place but what I'm trying to ask is what can I do? Could a somewhat high functional autistic adult be able to get into a assisted living type program? Or possible SSDI? Are there certain organizations that I should try looking into? I'm just desperate for help...",3 "I wanted to make a post on the word “Asperger’s” and why we should leave it behind. It might have been done already, though I can’t find something like this, precisely. Asperger’s as a diagnosis was removed from the DSM years ago, as you know; I didn’t really care, I’ve always liked the word and identified with it, but I didn’t actually know who Hans Asperger was (I just vaguely knew he existed) until I found this video. It’s super interesting but also quite long, so I’ll leave the link and just a short summary right below with the point of the post in case you don’t want to watch. **The Origins of Autism in Nazi Vienna:** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQUWJhDJPxw&ab\_channel=TalksatGoogle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQUWJhDJPxw&ab_channel=TalksatGoogle) In short, Hans Asperger was a collaborator in the murder of autistic children as part of the eugenicist policies of Nazi Germany. It’s a bit messed up that we label ourselves with a term that is an eponym of a Nazi (in all but the stripes) that used to kill people like us. I know words change, but we should be aware of where they come from too. I just wanted to encourage people not to use the word anymore on principle. A good replacement might just be “ASD1” or “ASD” in general, sounds more neutral. The video also talks about Lorna Wing, who apparently was a far less complicated figure and much more relevant in how we understand autism today. “Wing’s Syndrome” is mentioned in the vid, that could be another option, although it doesn’t slide off the tongue as easily.",3 "I lost all feeling in my arm and it slowly went up to my shoulder. I couldn’t feel my tongue, mouth, or lips. I tried to tell my bf something was wrong but the words I was saying weren’t words. They sounded normal in my head but his face made me realize I was coherent. I eventually spelled out the words and it was horrifying. Am I the only one? I didn’t even have a flashback I was just sad today.",3 "I'm a chronic sexual abuse ""victim"" (don't consider myself that) since childhood and wanted to hear from others with a similar past about something. People's atavistic abhorrence to pedophilia somehow just doesn't make sense to me, and I don't feel that at all. Rationally, I know some people develop sexually at a faster rate than others, and regardless of age, they should be allowed to make their own decisions. On the other hand, I'm aware *most* people under the age of, say, 13 are not capable of this regardless of what they think. Personally, I would not engage in any kind of pedophilia whatsoever due to lack of interest and many other reasons, but would not disregard this possibility categorically. If someone I cared about was considering pedophilia, I would strongly advise them not to do it but more for the peace of mind and to avoid legal troubles and not from any aversion or moral wrongness. Am I broken? Or just a terrible human etc?",3 "I'm one of those people who processes difficult things through humor. Most of the time this is something other people are comfortable with, especially after the fact. When I broke my nose and had swollen black eyes for a few weeks after, I poked fun at myself both about the clumsy way I broke my nose and how I looked genuinely creepy with my black eyes. This helped me through the physical pain and embarrassment of how I looked, and similarly let other people know that they didn't need to be overly sensitive about the subject. This evening a friend of mine sent me an image from the original Sonic 2019 trailer (if you've seen it, Sonic looks unbearably cringey) that was photoshopped in a goofy over-the-top way that implied a sexualized image for people having a very unusual and very niche fetish. My first instinct was to say ""Wow, I feel violated after seeing that, and I've been molested"" but I realized that would probably have made him feel super uncomfortable because when I confessed my abuse to him I was in tears and it was clear that it was a traumatic experience that I was describing to him. Is joking about your trauma something others do or am I just royally messed up?",3 "I was really stuck with my appearance for a long time, I never dyed my hair/got haircuts, I never got tattoos, and any piercings I had I always planned MONTHS ahead to make sure I never did anything impulsive. For whatever reason in the past 6months I got one tattoo and suddenly I have 3 more, dyed my hair 3 times, got a haircut, shaved my eyebrows at one point, and got a new piercing. Totally unlike me, but I randomly have this urge to constantly change my appearance and do random things so I’m not “bored” with how I look. (Not body image related, I just like impulsively changing how I look). Any advice on how to stop or at least slow down with the changes?",0 "I’m new here but my mother is a therapist and we kept the DSM-III on the shelf when I was growing up. I’ve had many years of therapy and OCD has been mentioned by my therapist and my mother numerous times. I was an anxious child and didn’t feel safe unless I faced north or heard a song I was comfortable with. Growing older decisions became overwhelming as I had to go from south to north, southwest to northeast, left to right. I made up a color decision maker based on the alphabet a=apple=red and so on. Sometimes I tried to go with the first thing I liked because it was so hard to think about what I liked most. My wedding was difficult to plan because I went with every first opportunity that presented itself because it was the first one, not necessarily what I would have wanted, although I loved our wedding inside and out. My clothing each day is decided by a pile of clothing that is stacked and I have to close my eyes and pick from the bottom and work my way up. Eating is decided by what is furthest south. Going to the grocery store is decided by the product that is furthest left and at the top or bottom. When I can’t remember the order of which I selected something or I pick the same thing I did last time (or worse, everything has been rearranged in the frozen food or cereal aisle) I get really upset because I don’t know where to start and don’t want to get something I just bought last week and would feel out of control, like I do when someone spoils my favorite show for me or I accidentally see something that spoils it. I can’t undo what I heard or saw. I also obsessively avoid things. I went on a date with who would later become my husband and we hugged at my mailbox, but after we broke up I couldn’t keep my eyes open as I checked the mail for six months until I moved because I only felt comfortable in one room in the house. My heart goes out to those people who have a lucky shirt they wear for their sports team that they never wash—and have to give it away if their team loses. Just feels like I am in a tangled web of my own doing, but I don’t see a way out that would be the best option because my mind has such trouble not taking the first good option and I would feel like I lost myself. Thanks for reading.",1 "So i started taking adhd meds recently and every time i eat breakfast after taking them i throw up. its not on purpose i just cant keep it down. i dont know if i should maybe ask about switching meds, i tried concerta and all it did was make me sleepy, im on focalin rn. has anyone else experienced this? if so how did u fix it",0 "I've battled PTSD for about four years. I couldn't stop the intrusive memories. Not really sure how many were flashbacks and how many were just intrusive memories. Anyways, after some insensitive remarks from someone I am close to, I decided to quit letting PTSD bother me. So since early January, I just... shoved everything under the rug. I didn't let myself think about it. Compartmentalizing felt great.... until it didn't. This is the longest I've gone with shoving everything without falling apart. It was great. But then, I quit feeling things. And now I'm falling apart again. It gets horrible at night (I've been working all night, because I teach online.) I haven't been excited about anything and have been so stressed about huge future decisions, that I completely freeze and am paralyzed from the overwhelming stress... ​ I also have this nasty habit of making myself sad on purpose. It's like I don't know how to live without depression. I get this awful crawling-out-of-my-skin feeling when I go on FB and look through old pictures or see pictures of Chicago where all of my hell happened. But it's like I can't stop triggering myself. It's like I've built a shell around my pain to white-knuckle it through and when I start to heal, I crumble, because my shell is built around my pain. ​ On top of this, my ex keeps trying to get me back. He was good to me, but I don't know what to do, and that's contributing too.",3 "[UPDATE: i realized how unhappy i was and how unhealthy my relationship was so i called it quits, he moved back to his home state, so now i have my own apartment alone. im working towards goals again and i feel like myself for the first time in a year. me and my best friend are doing great. i'm hopeful again. hello im going to try my best to be concise. thank u in advance for any insight. my bf(24) is not fond of my best friend(23) and because I am afraid of confrontation and also is currently holding myself accountable for a number of other mistakes ive made in the relationship, I became obsessive with the fear of making my bf upset. This is not something he caused it literally was my brain. My logic was, ""Well he must never want to be around her so I have to go to great lengths to make everyone happy"" This is also driven by the fact that a childhood friend of mine recently revealed to me how bad of a friend i was and i'm pretty sure she has removed me from her life which i am still coping with. It resulted in me basically withdrawing from my best friend because I thought I was ""balancing my time with people"" but I let my obsessions get to the point where I'm constantly trying to control variables in a situation because of a ""worse case scenario"" i assumed would come to fruition. I didnt tell my best friend for months about my bfs feelings, out of avoidance and also thinking that I was honoring what my bf tells me in confidence. All the avoidance and compulsions to control situations out of fear has put an immense strain on my friendship and i feel awful and would do anything to repair it. Because of my weird behavior and anxiety induced avoidance, i believe has caused my friend to have an unclear, negative idea of my bf. I'm really trying hard to be kind and extend compassion to myself during this time, but I dont feel like i deserve it after all the selfish things ive done. I'm tired of letting my loved ones down and i'm afraid i will never gain control of this monster thats ocd and become the person/friend/lover that I want and need to be. I guess my question is, how do you forgive yourself for past and current mistakes and if you've had ocd affect your interpersonal relationships how did you come out of the other side? TL;DR: i keep creating worst case scenarios and acting on my impulses to control outcomes and its ruining my relationships and I dont what how to begin change and I fear it will be too late when i do.",1 "I had ME ( myalgic encephalomyelitis)/ CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) for 6 years. I seem to be in a remission post 8 months of very severe 24/7 bedridden. Even though I'm recovering, in exchange I've developed C-PTSD. CFS is a terrible name, so I call it by it's other name; ME. As it's akin to MS. Muscle weakness, not sleepy fatigue like narcolepsy. The problem is something called PEM (post-exertional malaise) that effects and paralyses you into a crash day post exertion. I felt lightning jabbing pain through out my spine for 3 days straight as I could do nothing but lay. Every function of your body starts to break down. I went in a HBOT (hyperbaric oxygen therapy) chamber in the hopes it would help my housebound state and developed a Spinal Fluid Leak and immediately became severe. I also had a HPA dysfunction, Every moment was suffering. I had severe insomnia and slept once every 4 nights while laying in bed constantly. I had bad light, sound, touch, temperature sensitivities. I had horrible tinnitus, musical ear syndrome and 9 different phantom sounds. My body would be freezing and shivering, while unable to sweat due to anihidrosis. I have reynaud's and chillblains but my head would be burning on fire due to neuropathy., I was unable to shower on my own due to the agony of each water droplet being a kin to being shot and can only do so once a fortnight due to PEM knocking me out for a week. Losing the ability to speak and communicate. My sinus was inflamed constantly and I had become allergic to many things I wasn't prior like histamines. I could not read books, watch tv or listen to music due to cognitive sensory overload. I had bad brain fog with long and short term memory loss. If I attempted to to concentrate I would get a strained brain and lost the ability to use my imagination. I also had fibromyalgia which causes horrendous muscle pain, tendinitis etc. I could've probably walk for a hundred metres but due to a low PEM threshold were limited to about 30 metres a day. If I surpass that 2 days later I get destroyed for 2 days and it takes another few days to return to normal but my baseline would continue to get smaller. All day I would be trapped in pain, unable to do anything. Completely claustrophobic. Unable to leave the dark and air-conditioned room due to my sensitivities. I was going blind, I could only think of time, getting trapped in it. when my parents would get home, when I would next have to eat, when my parents would next have to shower me. Focusing on how dirty I felt all the time, that I couldn't scratch itches incase I triggered PEM, that I couldn't enjoy anything. Eating and doing the same thing over and over everyday in a dark room. I had lost the ability to speak as well. LDN (low-dose naltrexone) saved my life, if you ever go through something similar please try it. Even though I'm physically recovering, I'm struggling with C-ptsd and OCD developed while ill. Now I can't get out of the routine of doing things the same as when I was sick. 6 years of hell. It's not even over.",3 "I’ve been struggling with depression for as long as 5 years. It’s got it’s ups and downs. But lately it’s been getting worse. I have the feeling that I’m near the edge of a positive breakthrough, but due to a few events, it’s all slipping away again. My work doesn’t want to help anymore. I have been officially removed from the company wide communication groups even though my contract doesn’t expire till the start of March. And the care system that is supposed to help me only covers their own asses. I already had a strong feeling I wasn’t welcome anymore but since they didn’t include me in their Christmas gifts and now completely shut me out of all communication, I’m very sure of it. Anyway, long story short. Because of this setback I have been feeling really down lately and this feels like yet another failure in my book. I don’t know how to tell my environment that I’m back to struggling again and I’m very afraid and ashamed. I’m only 26 and I am scared of the road that lays ahead of me. And now because of all this I have some strong urges to just say, “fuck it, let’s burn it down all together.” I know that these feelings are me trying to hit rock bottom so that the only way from there is up. But I just don’t want to go trough it all again. I need a reset that doesn’t destroy me and let me build my life back up instead of breaking it down. It’s just that I don’t know how and the light at the end of the tunnel keeps fading… :((",2 "Would you say it's quite common within people on the spectrum to have a social circle that is lacking? I guess we enjoy our company but that could also push people away and make us feel isolated. I get that feeling most of the time that I'm quite isolated from others and don't have an enriched social circle where I hang out with them every week or weekends. Sometimes for me it can be a few months or even years when I met that person again. Also makes me wonder if I fully know how to connect with others because my relationship with other people are superficial.",3 "I'm not sure if it counts as selective mutism as I relate more with the idea of ""NPC Energy"", the idea that you're silent and barely there specifically until you're talked to, but it feels like anytime I want to talk to my peers, there's so many invisible walls and so many questions of: ""Where would the conversation start? Where would it go? How would I transition between topics? How would they react to being randomly approached? What will they think of me at first glance? Are they busy with something else? Do they just want to be left alone?"" And all that rumination and anxiety just makes me freeze up, it's so hard to initiate a conversation when all of those questions are at the back of my head and all the worst-case scenarios are flashing by. Keep in mind, 90% of those fears go away when I'm talked to, as after being approached I'm only overthinking the flow of conversation, body language etc. but it's so rare for me to be approached as I think I feign being busy in public when in reality I'm just blankly flicking through my phone, plus I think I have a bit of RBF which makes me look less approachable. Is there a way to get over this? Like I know my brain's blowing things out of proportion to some extent but I don't know to what extent it is. I don't know how responsive people actually are, I don't know if a majority are open to conversations or they're genuinely busy with other things, and I have absolutely no idea how to integrate myself when groups of people are talking: ""If I join in talking about something they said, will I look like I was eavesdropping? What if I'm not talked to after a while? How do I chime in without interrupting their conversation? Should I leave them to talk by themselves since they've got a conversation flowing? What if they start talking amongst themselves but ignore me? Should I say ""bye"" and walk away or would that interrupt their conversation? Would it be rude to walk away silently? Would they be upset if I didn't say bye? Would they notice if I left?"" The rumination is just crippling, it just leaves me with analysis paralysis I suppose but I still need some intuition going into conversations, otherwise I'll awkwardly miss some rule of conversation etiquette and make myself look stupid or I'll come off as uncanny/clingy to some extent. Anyone feel these feelings too? Any advice on overcoming them?",3 "people who are harassing you or bullying you don't think they are a bully. It's so insane to me how these people who harass other ppl think it's ok to do so. They will never stop unless you take em to court and if the justice is stop corrupt, take matters into your own hands. I have to deal with PTSD every single day because few psychos wanted to harass me for their sick amusements. My mental health was ruined, my career was ruined and my entire life was ruined.",3 "These are my scores: Total Score: 168. Language: 17. Social Relatedness: 69. Sensory/Motor: 47. Circumscribed Interests: 35. Ok, so what’s next, what should I do now? 🤔",3 "17m here ive been on vyvanse for about 3-4 months now and video games have been quite a big part of my life especially recently because of all the lockdowns. ive noticed that when i run out or waited to long to take them i lose a lot of my skill in the games i play, ive been playing osu and rainbow six seige a lot lately and when im not on my meds i am like 50% worse and its very annoying, especially in osu where you need fast reaction times. im wondering if this is a normal thing for people with adhd or if its just me, and does all medications have the same effects?",0 "I’ve only taken my medication for a few weeks now so I’m still not sure if this is possible for me, but I really want to just reduce the mental chatter for once. I feel so exhausted from the noise sometimes. I’ve always dealt with it, it’s nothing new, but there are just some days where I can ignore it and other days where it really bogs me down. I always have a song in my head. Sometimes it’s the same 20seconds of a song on repeat. Sometimes I can change it a bit. Usually it’s just one more thing to drown out. I have enough distracting conversations in my head to make listening to lectures very difficult. Meditation helps for a while but it doesn’t stick super long, and proper sleep and exercise help a Little bit when I remember to do them consistently. But I just want quiet for a while. I want to be able to choose to listen to a song if I want to listen to one, but not always have the radio blasting. I want to focus on one conversation at a time. Not have thoughts competing for my attention. I’m just overstimulated by my own brain. Is there anything besides medication that’s had that effect for you? I’m crossing my fingers I find the right cocktail soon.",0 "Hello all, I'm a 31M from Italy and I'm being evaluated for ADHD (I don't have a definitive diagnosis yet, but my psychiatrist said, and I quote ""99% you have ADHD, you are a textbook example of it"", and she's currently also evaluating which kind of medication I should use. I've been reading stories of people that took medication and were able to turn their lives around. When I was a kid, I hated maths with all my heart, but in the past 5-6 years, I've been reading about maths stuff that would want to explore (mainly in the field of IT and programming). The problem is that I just cannot keep my concentration on it. My question is: when you got your medication and were finally able to concentrate properly, were you able to discover or re-discover stuff that was previously impossible for you to do, and actually found it quite enjoyable?",0 "I watched this movie like around a year ago and recently found out that I might have undiagnosed adhd. Looking back I find that the protagonist shows clear signs of the inattentive subtype. (Daydreaming, Inattentiveness, Hyperfixation, Impulsive Behavior, ...). I really identified myself within this character and find it interesting that that might be because we share the disorder. If you watched the movie I would really like to hear your take on this, if not I strongly recommend watching it.",0 It feels good knowing I am capable of doing things right,1 "I was having violent intrusive thoughts of hurting my family, and now they've mostly gone away but I don't feel any better. Even though I'm not directly having the thoughts, whenever I think about them or go around them I get a pit in my stomach. I was even starting to feel anger towards them for wanting to see me and thinking things like how I never want to talk to them or see them again and it scares me. Today we were supposed to have a fun night and the entire time I was just holding back the urge to vomit and ended up going to my room and sobbing. I feel like I can't function like a person anymore. I just want to be with my family and be happy with them. I'm so terrified of myself that I can't stand it anymore. I'm trying so hard to block the thoughts out but one thing just turns to another. I don't want to be the person I'm convincing myself I am. I don't know what to do anymore..",1 "My meds (adderall xr, about to add ir as well) aren’t that much, $10-20 with insurance, but I’m currently seeing someone out of network and they charge $150 to refill a prescription, which adds up fast! I know because it’s a controlled substance the doctor visits are unavoidable, but is it worth finding someone in network? I’ve never really used my insurance before getting diagnosed last month, and don’t have a primary care doc. I’m in California, in the US",0 "hey! i’m currently on 40 MG of prozac for severe ocd and anxiety. any experiences w this? previously ive been on escitalopram (lexapro) citalopram, and a few others as well as gabapentin and hydroxazine",1 "I am 13F and have been dealing with pedophilic thoughts for a few weeks. I’m desperate for someone to answer this for me, please, and don’t reassure me, be honest, am I a pedo? I was diagnosed with OCD when I was younger and it runs in my family. my grandma had OCD, my uncle and aunt do and my mom does. well recently I started having pedophilic thoughts and i’m stuck and can’t tell if it’s real or just my ocd. I don’t have these thoughts when i’m having my meds, but I stopped taking them and the thoughts started. I had horrible intrusive images about s3xual stuff with kids, and it really upset me, i don’t think there was a moment in the day i wasn’t thinking these thoughts. i started doing intensive research about pedophilia and would constantly be watching videos and reading articles. there was many times i would excuse my self from my family and just go in to the bathroom and cry for 20 minutes. i also lost my appetite. it kinda went away when i was on my meds again but then i forgot to take them for a few days and it came back. i’ve been having thoughts about children genitalia, like ill imagine a genital of a child. it’s extremely disturbing to me and the worst part is i sometimes get a groinal response. i also doubt that it’s ocd and think i’m a pedo in denial. there have been times where i was masturbsting and a thought of a child would pop into my brain, this led me to believe i am a pedo and when these thoughts would come up i would stop but then start doing it again and try to not think about it at all. i started crying after. i don’t find children sexually attractive but sometimes i’ll think a kid is cute and thinking it’s cute makes me think i’m a pedo. i also have disturbing thoughts of molesting my cousins i would NEVER do that and i don’t have a desire to but if i’m in a room with my little cousin i think “what if molested him?” it’s extremely disturbing to me. i also have imagined my uncle doing it to my little cousin which disgusted me so much. but sometimes if i seee a kid and think the kid is cute or pretty i can’t tell if i just think it’s cute or if i’m genuinely attracted to it. and sometimes the thoughts don’t disturb me as much. that makes me think i’m a pedo please help me i’m losing hope",1 "I'm so tired of fake friends. I'm so tired of people tricking me into thinking they care. I want to scream and cry. This app is so fucking toxic. It happened again. I let myself be vulnerable and let someone get to know me. We've been talking for months and I really thought we were friends. I really looked forward to our conversations. Last night he messaged me and basically gave me an ultimatum that we can't stay friends unless I'm DTF. I fucking hate this app. That's all anyone ever cares about. I feel so fucking stupid for opening up to someone who obviously didn't give a shit about me. He had first reached out to me after I made a sad post about being sad no one ever sticks around for more than a few days. He had made it a point to stick around for much longer than that and I got to know him and he got to know me and now this. I can't believe I was so fucking stupid to think he actually cared and was a friend. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I ever have anything good in my life? I can't keep a friend no matter how hard I try. I can't keep going through life alone like this. I want to die",2 "Sometimes I tell people what I truly think, but they don't seem to understand, or prefer to ignore it because it's not what they expected to be said. And sometimes it's simple things for me that i say that they seem to be offended by. The whole world seems to me more theater than reality, people just act in a way that escapes their own nature.",3 "Does anyone else eat food as fast as you physically can? I notice that when I’m with family or by myself, I shovel food into my mouth as fast as I can because it’s efficient. When I’m by myself it’s no issue, but when I’m with people I fail the social expectations of talking whilst eating. It’s hard to eat and take talking breaks, and even after I’m done eating I still find it relatively difficult to talk. Anyone else?",3 "People on Zoloft, prozac, Paxil, celexa, lexapro or any snris, how many did you fail until you found one that works? I’ve now failed 2 in a row .",1 "I can't think but at the same time I think too much it's like my brains empty but full at the same time and it gets harder to think when in frustrated is this a adhd thing (I'm diagnosed) so apparently this post has to be 300 letters long or something so I guess I'll just type lots of random stuff idk sorry in advance hows everyone going good? I hope your going good and I hope everyone's happy and if your not I hope you find your happy anywayyy im hoping this is enough letters long but who knows anyway love you all <3",0 Recently I've been doubting my sexuality even though I'm sure of it I'm bi sexual with a preference for women but my ocd is being weird and saying I only like men I know this isn't true because I'm still attracted to women but this is hurting me I don't want to be constantly questioning my sexuality. It's also making me extremely anxious like were all the people I was in love with just a lie idk I hate this.,1 "I'm unsure whether I truly have OCD or not, but I suffer some of the symptoms and I have a a hard time coping. These thoughts are usualy triggered by my relationship, probably a normal thing for most people, but these thoughts occur one after the other over and over no matter how hard I try I can't drop it until eventually they go away with passing time. They're usually thoughts regarding wether someone is being truthful or not, what gets me is I may never know what someone is truly thinking and that there's no certainty in people's words, I'm just trapped in my own head with my own self and my own thoughts and it's all so head splitting",1 "Last week a talked to my “anxiety doctor” (not sure the official name) about retrying ADHD meds which I hadn’t take since I was probably 14-15. After I stopped taking them I learned to “control” my ADHD (or so I thought.) I felt better without them and was adamant about not taking them again until I stumbled upon the subreddit. I’ve lurked 99% of the time but the posts I saw and the outside research I did made me realize how much my life has been dominated by ADHD. So I worked up the courage and talked to my anxiety doctor to which she said it’s worth a shot as my brain is very different now then it was 10 years ago so it may work differently to how it did then. All I can say is my brain has never been quieter it’s so nice to be able to sit and not have the accelerator peddle pressed down all of the time. I’m sleeping better as well though I’m not sure if that’s the humidifier or the meds. Now meds aren’t for everyone I see them as an assistant same as my anxiety meds. I went as far as I could by myself but I needed and outside push. Now to work on taking this brain silence and not put it towards procrastinating at work writing this. Thank you to everyone here, you helped me whether you realize it or not with a post or comment you made. The community here seems so helpful and supportive. TLDR: You guys are great and so is this community. I don’t think I would be where I’m at without it.",0 "I'm homeless but safe. He can never put his hands on me again. My ADHD symptoms got so severe that I started to develop severe anxiety and depression too. I did everything for him for several years. He did not work. I became his servant. I thought I could fix him and I felt bad for him for experiencing abuse in his childhood and developing severe PTSD due to the military. I felt so bad for him and I was so obsessed with trying to fix him. He was also diagnosed with cancer and I thought that might change him. In the past 6 years, I've lost myself and my ADHD feels way worse then it used to be. I'm proud that I built the courage to leave but I am overwhelmed of the amount of work I need to do to be fully free. I wanted to share this here because I hope I can inspire anyone else who have been abused and has ADHD.",0 " I recently got myself a blood pressure device that measures my heart rate as well. For more context, I’m 25, overweight (not severely at all but considered overweight) have hypothyroidism and high cholesterol. I’m on 54mg of concerta. I take my concerta usually around 9 am every morning. My resting heart rate and bp are within good ranges when I wake up. I also tend to measure 1-2 hours after taking concerta and my levels are okay then as well. Come the evening (5pm-7pm) and my heart rate spikes to over 100 (usually 105-115) and stays in that range until I fall asleep. I don’t know if concerta is causing this or not. I have no way of knowing. I work from home and usually, I’m just sitting down on a chair when it starts to increase. If concerta was the reason, would my heart be racing after taking the medication? Or is it safe to assume it’s not my concerta due to my heart rate and bp increasing later in the day (usually 5-6pm). My doctor has no clue and is suggestion we stop stimulants all together. So I’m screwed either way.",0 "I was diagnosed with CPTSD and transsexualism. I don't believe the second, the doctors are also unsure and want to focus on my trauma first. The theory is basically, that my abuse has started so early and was combined with so enormous neglect that I never built an identity in my childhood. Part of that is I never built my sexual identity. For me that is a terrifying thought. First because I have to face the weight of my abuse, can you even ""abuse"" the gender identity out of someone? And then I'm fearful about the future. Can I, as an adult of 35 years, heal this wound? Can I fill these gaps and become a happy person or is this just a diagnosis predicting lifelong misery. Has anyone anything to share with me? Has anyone recovered from childhood abuse, I need support. I feel overwhelmed and lost.",3 I notice everytime I feel afraid Im thinking of a fearful thought. Everytime I notice I am at peace Im thinking of something relaxing. Same for pretty much all emotions. Is this the key to beating OCD? I tend to focus on the absolute worst in the world but I’ve been having successful good moments from time to time. Does anyone else notice this too?,1 "This is getting more and more annoying for me now as it is something I was ok with up until the Lockdowns and now, it just keeps hitting me nearly everyday. I (28m) have been single since I was 13/14. For the past nearly 15 years now, I have gone without having another relationship, without dating anyone and never having sex. I had been ok with it over the years as I opted to not bother putting myself out there after I turned 18. This was down to constant bad luck and having no clue at all with what to do. Got rejected a lot and I would get incredibly upset about it afterwards so figured that maybe it would be for my own good to stop trying to get a date so that I wouldn't get my feelings hurt on a constant basis. Since 2014 after I got medically discharged from the Army during training, my priority has been to sort my own life out, get retrained and requalified, get a decent job that pays well, get my own place and then worry about finding someone. And that is what I have been doing all these years. Was never too fussed about being single as I managed to get it all out of my system, was happy to do my own thing and spend my money on what I wanted. I was perfectly fine with it. But after the Lockdowns started, it has been on my mind constantly for the past year and it is really getting to me bad. Every time I think about how long it's been since I last had a girlfriend and last had a date, I just keep breaking down and crying about it. It is so frustrating. Happens as-well when I've been talking to other people about it when they ask me and I feel so pathetic when it does happen. I know I shouldn't be getting upset about this sort of thing and that I should be happy on my own but it just keeps getting to me. I'm sick of it. I'll be expecting people to say ""why not put yourself out there and try dating?"" I can't do that yet as I'm still working on getting a job that pays more than minimum wage so that I can afford my own place and can afford to do things that I always wanted to do. If I can't do those things then I can't afford to be with someone yet. I don't particularly want to go to therapy about it either as I think I'd be wasting their time if I'm just getting depressed for being single. Far more concerning issues other people have that they can occupy themselves with.",2 Does anyone else have the problem where no one talks to them? I’m in college and I feel like everyone is buddied up with someone else whereas I feel like I must’ve done something wrong because people look at me strangely and never say anything. This has been the case for so long except with COVID I forgot about it but now it’s coming back to make me depressed all over again.,3 "I feel like I've sabotaged every relationship I've ever had. Friendships, boyfriends, family relationships, professional relationships, everything. Missed birthdays and anniversaries, forgotten invitations to events, emotional instability, lashing out for no reason, fumbling over words to apologize and perpetually sticking my foot in my mouth, being overly critical of myself and everyone around me, not being able to communicate my needs, alternating between unbearably clingy to needing to be alone, being overstimulated and completely shutting down, not recognizing subtle social cues, being perceived as lazy and unwilling to change. I've seen multiple different therapists, I'm medicated, and I'm trying my fucking best. But people always end up leaving my life because I'm a burden. I don't blame them - nobody is obligated to put up with my erratic and messy behavior and the people in my life don't owe me anything. But that doesn't make it hurt any less every time I feel a relationship start to dwindle.",0 "I am 17 M . I am from India. Life was decent for me till my 10th finished. I got into a engineering class where they focus on teaching us for JEE. In the beginning of the course itself I had told my parents that I am finding the studies difficult. Covid had started spreading by the time my 10th exams were over, so lockdown was announced. The studies were online and I could not keep up with it. There were tests every third Sunday for the topics they taught us between the time of two tests. Like if I have a test this sunday it means that there will be a test 3 Sundays later for whatever they taught between that and the portion they taught us was a lot. Till my 10th I was kind of introvert, I only had only one or two friend with whom I used to talk about everything, and since all these lectures/classes were online I could not even make a friend in the class with whom I could talk to about my academics or stuff. I had really poor scores, something like 40/300 and because of all this intense test schedule, by the time I could understand the mistakes I had made on this one, there was the deadline to study for the next test. All this started taking a toll on me. I started to become frustrated on even the smallest things and would go on to cry for no reasons. I started to avoid going to family functions, preferred to stay indoors, hardly talked to anyone. I would have these feelings that I am worthless and nothing can make my situation any better. At first I had these feelings for a few days in week, but as the months kept passing there was hardly any day without thinking how much of a burden I am on my family. I started having suicidal thoughts where I would think how good it did be if would simply lay down and maybe overdose on some harmful medicine or cut my wrists and that I would not have to deal with all these feelings and pain again. I could hardly look into the mirror without cussing myself for being so useless. Yesterday I could not even feel anything because of all this and all I did was sit staring at a watch and hoping to end it all. I had this little feeling that maybe I should talk to my only friend I had till 10th before trying to kms . He answered the call with so much enthusiasm that I instantly felt a bit better. I started talking to him about all this and he urged me to talk to my parents. So today I tried talking to my mom I honestly have never regretted it so much. Not even as much as going into the JEE course. I told her about how I could not study and that things are not going well for me, her first response was that u have your JEE examinations in a few month and here you are sitting and talking all these crap, you should be happy that u are studying in a good coaching class and how much better u have it than compared to other students. She also said things like how mobiles are ruining the children and how I should study to get better marks. But she didn't say a single thing on how she is there for me even when things are going bad for me or how I could make this situation better for me, then she went on to blame me. Honestly at this point I don't even know what I should do to make my situation. All things are going downhill for me, life ahead just looks straight up blank as I would hardly even manage to secure a cutoff for the next set of exams( If I even make it to the day exam will be there) no hobbies , not good at anything other than self blaming. If anyone can suggest something to make things better for me then it will be very helpful. And if there is any parent reading this please just tell your kid that no matter what the situation is or how bad the things are, you will always be there to help them and understand them. Good day.",2 "I (F22) was diagnosed with PTSD this year after battling symptoms for months and being misdiagnosed. I also have another health condition that is manageable provided I take regular medication, am conscious of my diet and make sure I get enough rest overall. I also graduated with uni and somehow managed to do well getting first-class honours. Prior to getting diagnosed, I felt I was an ambitious person but now I feel my priority is just getting by alive. People around me expect me to land a prestigious, high-paying job and part of me wants that for myself but truth be told, I also know I need to prioritize healing. I never thought my priority choosing a job would be whether I would be able to get paid medical leave, whether they would let me take half the day off to go for therapy etc. Has anyone been in a similar position? How do you negotiate your different priorities while job hunting? Thanks for any help",3 "Hi, first time posting on here (25 M), recently diagnosed with ADHD and I'm really struggling lately with finding healthy ways to switch off when I can't pursue my 'current' passion. I say current because for as long as I can remember I've had a sort of all consuming obsession of one kind or other that pretty much dwarfs all other forms of passion in my life. These interests have pretty much always been predicated on competition - e.g. specific video games which I've spent months/years trying to get as good as I could at. I've started to notice this is causing a pretty unhealthy cycle lately where if I cannot actively pursue my current interest then the hours of downtime until I can again just seem like an eternity to me. This is resulting in me turning to highly stimulating, negative habits (for me) such as pornography and YouTube binges simply to try to make the time pass without extreme boredom/lack of energy. Is anyone else dealing with these sort of difficulties revolving around one specific and pretty long-term interest/obsession? Do you have any strategies that might help to deal with downtime more productively and healthily? Thanks!",0 "As the title says [coming out vid](https://youtu.be/bgV26ol51UM)tps://youtu.be/bgV26ol51UM",3 "I 24F live with my boyfriend and our 15 m/o, Im currently seeking help for ADHD and Childhood Trauma. This process is long and frustrating and Id love to have some tips that can help me tell I or my Doctor finds a psychiatrist. Im already on Zoloft and Ritalin, I'm not the biggest fan of the Ritalin. Im pretty sure I have ADD and thease meds dont do anything for it they make me less anxious but thats it. I stand alot, like enough for my boyfriend to be sending me to a chiropractor, then the chiropractor saying they cant do anything tell my back, legs and feet relax a bit. My anxiety kinda stops me from sitting because then I feel unproductive, the moment I sit it feels like my heart rate is rising and I start getting anxious and feel the need to get up and do something. But my mind, although wants to do thease things, my body just doesn't care. So I end up mindlessly standing, walking around to find things to do while ignoring the BIG things I need to do. ie. Load dishes, clean floors, clean bedroom, doing course work (HS Bio)that I sighned up for during an impulsive moment, extra. I do everything last min because thats how I roll and thats how I have always been. I absolutely hate it. I have to remind myself to remind myself about alot of things. If I dont write it down in my planner then I will forget it the moment Im told it. This all is so tiring. Everyday im just emotionally done with the day before it starts. I was never ment to be a SAHM but because of all my issues the thought of getting out there just scares me. I know I need help to be able to be a functioning human, but intell I can find professional help, whats your tips and tricks to navigate life?",0 "hey there. it’s been a while since my last entry. i just thought i needed to write something, i’ve been feeling so low. lately, it’s been hitting me way harder that i don’t have anyone to talk to. however, it’s not like i want someone. it’s almost like i enjoy feeling like this. everyday has been so hard to keep going. the only thing that is keeping me going is devin my mom and my dog. but recently i’ve felt even less love in them. i feel like i’m slowly loosing whatever love anyone ever had for me just because of how i’ve been. i cant help it, it’s my fault but i cant help it. i’ve been more distant as each day goes by but i’m trying so hard to hide it. i don’t know when my last days gonna be but it feels closer every minute. i feel guilty if i’m not clearly hurting every hour of the day. i feel like i’m lying to myself. devin hasnt given much interest in my mental health lately, i feel like he’s trying to escape me. i know it’s draining being with me i just didn’t expect for it to happen. i don’t want to loose him over this but i don’t know if i’m fit to be in a relationship right now. everyone’s looking past my cries for help and god knows i can’t just ask for it. he used to care so much. it pulled me out from the darkest place i’ve been. i rly need him rn j to listen to me i can’t keep trying to get his attention. i need to know someone just one person cares enough to ask how i’m doing. i don’t want pity i want help. i just can’t ask for it. i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i have no reason to hate myself and my life this much. for this long. no one seems to care my own mother who i thought would care most even read my suicide notes and simply tucked them back away and confronted me about how i am going to regret my relationship. i just don’t know what to do anymore.",2 "TW . . . . . Another night spent here lying awake struggling to catch my breath.. I feel dirty. It’s been years yet I still want to scrub my body raw in hopes of getting you off of me. Every time I close my eyes I feel your body crushing mine. I feel the cold barrel of the gun against my trembling head. I feel you inside of me, violating me. I am so angry about what you did to me, about what you took from me, and the ease with which you destroyed me. I can’t hold this inside me, alone yet I am alone, terrified, frozen.",3 "my obsessions and false memories came back full force today, i really thought i was getting better but i think it was just avoidance the entire time.",1 i realized how tired i am of hearing that like i cant believe ppl rlly fink that u decide one day to choose happiness n bam everythings perfect from there. ocd literally doesnt let u have that choice the thoughts r always fucking w u from the moment u wake up. ive tried the choose happiness shit n all it did was mask how i rlly felt n just internalized all the trauma i was going thru mentally -.-,1 "I know this isn't books related sub, but I thought it could be beneficial to ask this question here. We share many peculiar traits. Many of us are struggling and you can find solace in literature - whether it's fiction or non-fiction. Maybe your recommendations will help someone else to find a reprieve - even if only temporarily. And vice versa. So my favorite book has to be Steppenwolf. I am Harry Haller in many regards. And even though my theatre will probably never come in such a splendid manner, for the longest time I felt like an outsider, unable to belong. The idea of suicide is also not exactly foreign to me. It's a hopeful read, filled with great ideas and insights into man's psyche. My favorite writer is P.K. Dick. I always thought sci-fi is inferior somehow, suitable for ""space nerds"". Now I see how short-sighted it was. Sci-fi can often be well-written, thought-provoking, and wildly imaginative. He was very prolific and you gotta be selective, but you can't go wrong with his more renowned books (Man from High Castle being an exception). Fractured realities, characters with disturbed state of mind within. So many interesting themes to explore. Written in a simple yet not simplistic style. I bet many of you read him already, but for those who haven't, I'd say Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep is a good starting point.",3 "When I went home from summer bc of quarentine last year.. I had a hard time keeping up with college friends. I just didn’t know what to say. I sat around all the time and did nothing exciting. I have adhd but idk if I have Aspergers. When I FaceTimed my friend today on my adhd meds I feel like I had no sparkle. We chat and catch up but idk. I just feel like I’m so boring and I wonder if I’m only happy and interested off adhd meds bc i day dream sm. Like what was I supposed to keep up w and chat with friends w over quarentine. Idk I guess I feel like I lack the ability to be fun. Like other people FaceTime even when bored and they’re goofy and have fun and idk i feel soooo boring",3 "I felt like I was getting better last month, but I pushed myself back to this state . I don't know why, but I find comfort in being like this. I keep having these insane mood changes. In one moment Im happy, calm and positive, in the next moment I feel like Im losing it. Im so tired, I want to leave.",2 "Every single day I have to see the guy who raped me and my old friend who refused to help me/stayed friends with the guy at school. Administration is aware. They say there is ""nothing"" they can do and I cannot transfer because there are only 3 months til graduation. I try to avoid everything but I can't. There are constant triggers all around my school and whenever I have breakdowns/flashbacks I always get the same automated ""There is nothing we can do"" ""I wish we could help"". I've kinda given up as it seems nobody really cares. Coping mechanisms only work to a certain extent and everything has become too overwhelming.",3 "I’m 19f and I was diagnosed with MDD when I was 14, because I’m a survivor of CSA. I’ve been in therapy since and most of the time I’ve been doing ok. Last year my mother kicked me out of the house (which is a totally different story) and I moved in with my boyfriend and our roommates. We’re all pretty good friends and understand boundaries, except for “Alex” (21nb). I’ve tried to get along with them but they’re always making jokes about being depressed and how No one here understands what it’s like to actually have anxiety. They’ve also said me and my boyfriend are Theirs and their partners children and vernal comments about our ages. It hurts a lot not to be respected where I live. They made a comment a couple days ago about my outfit looking childish when I felt rather cute. It really made a mark on me and I asked my boyfriend if I looked silly. He said yeah a little but He didn’t really care much. I just sent my spirits really low as I pretty much just wear jeans and t shirts every day and wanted to feel pretty. I don’t feel like getting dressed today and my hairs been scraggly all day. I just feel defeated again. I know I’ll get past it logically but I just feel to tired to even try… sorry for this rant and for wasting your couple of minutes.",2 "Hi folks, I need some help/advice from you folks. Basically I've been prescribed Methylphenidate XR. I'm being titrated onto Methylphenidate. When I went to collect my first prescription I've been taking Concerta because the pharmacist originally gave me that and told me to keep asking for that one, because there are different brands. Second time my dose was upped, different Pharmacist dispensed Xenidate. I explained I was being titrated on, and I should be taking the same sort, pharmacist happy to exchange it. Third time, went to collect, different pharmacist, pharmacist not happy to exchange it even though I showed the empty container. So I phoned up to speak to my Psych. My Psych says it's the exact same thing. Except info on the Internet says its not. Pharmacist says its just a brand, but if you look at the mean plasma concentration charts on the Xenidate Web page then they aren't the same, and I'm worried about not being able to do as much after 8h because Xenidate has worn off. Has anyone switched Concerta to Xenidate halfway through the titration process? What was your experience? (Feel a bit worried and may have behaved like a bit of a Karen 🙈)",0 " I want animals, I’ll start with a dog, but I eventually want to get horses and maybe some cows. However, I have inattention, low mental and physical energy and executive dysfunction. I feel that may make taking care of an animal really hard, no matter how much I want it. I need to make this 300 characters so I’ll add this: I’m jealous of NTs for being able to do as much as they want without their brain going haywire. And they don’t even realize it, especially the older ones. “If you really want to do it, you’ll just do it”. Like, no? I couldn’t just be like “I want to workout tomorrow morning, so I’m gonna get up at 6”, I would just forget the next morning until I was fully awake at 9. (This would impact having animals too)",0 "I (15M) feel like I am losing my grip on life. I’ve already missed over 30 days of school, but I just don’t have the will to bother anymore. My grades have dropped significantly, from A’s the last year or two, to barely C’s. I have been struggling with “bad thoughts” and I just don’t know what to do. I haven’t gone to a doctor because nobody knows about any of this. I am afraid to tell my mom, because she struggles with depression as well. I don’t want to make things worse. I am definitely depressed, and it is quite possibly going to ruin my life.",2 "Trigger warning sexual abuse I have ptsd and people knocking on my door triggers me. I used to be required to open my bedroom door when abusers knocked. If I didn't I was beaten and still abused...so every time I hear that knocking my body physically reacts, my stomach rolls, my vagina tightens painfully, I get lightheaded. Imagine forcing yourself to open the door to something you knew would hurt you because it's better than the alternative...over and over and over. So I'm a proactive person, all my contacts know to call before they come easy peasy. I bought a $9 doorbell that's wireless and plays a gentle song for delivery people, problem solved....or so I thought. My mailman refuses to use the doorbell despite the 8x10 framed yellow with bright letters saying ""please ring doorbell"" (I live in apartments none of the other apartments have a doorbell so I just figured they didn't realize I had it so I made the sign) the only one not using the doorbell is my mailman...besides a run in a couple months ago with jehovah witnesses, but they're trained to knock instead of ring doorbells (why? But that's hopefully a one and done) I thought maybe it was policy because of covid 19 so I added to my sign ""bleached after every use""...still pounds on my door. I could try to catch him and explain, but he's a large stranger man, who I don't wanna explain my sexual past with. Plus I would be explaining it to him while panicked and physically having a ptsd episode so... I could call a manager but really feel stupid and weak that this effects me so much and don't want to come off as whiney and over reacting. This is my problem not the mailman I don't expect the world to change because of my weird quirk. But also how hard is it to just ring the doorbell? I'm not asking for them to walk 100 miles in snow uphill both ways to cater to me....I just don't know. I'm angry at the mailman, at my abusers, at life. I feel stupid that I'm in this position and that I honestly don't know how to handle it. Someone I know said it's exposure therapy and I got annoyed because exposure therapy isn't just doing something unpleasant until you get used to it, it's hard work with the help of a professional retraining your mind. It takes practice and if not done right can set you way back, but I didn't respond to that person because I'm tired and as you can tell by this post I'm not the greatest advocate for myself. Any advice?",3 "So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a couple months now. the relationship unlike a few of my past ones, is completely healthy. I really love him and more so than anyone that I have before. Suddenly, I got this intrusive thought, saying that I had feelings for someone else, that I'd cheat on my boyfriend. It threw me off guard because I've never had that thought before and I feel guilty for having it. It's been driving me crazy because the more I assured myself that these thoughts weren't true, the more it became convincing. Is it just me out here feeling like I'd do something I would never do? I know I wouldn't do something like this but at the same time, my thoughts keep convincing me that I will, the more I resist, the further I find faults and ways that say that my thoughts are right. I don't want to do any of that, but its so scary when my thoughts are on repeat like this. Does anyone else feel this way? Or am I just a terrible person? I don't even know what I'm doing on here, I feel like I need that extra reassurance that I'm not a cheater and that someone in this community understands that. Because on my life, I would never cheat or ever do anything that would make me lose what I have with my boyfriend. I feel like my thoughts have convinced me to a point that this isn't ocd and im worried im just a horrible person. so if someone out there can relate, please let me know, i feel like im losing my mind [edit: thank you to everyone who took their time to read or respond to this, it really means a lot and it has made me feel a whole ton better :,) it really means a lot ]",1 "Hi, I have ptsd from a past relationship where I was raped a couple times and constantly sexually assaulted. Whenever he woke up before I did, he would “wake me up nicely.” I’m sure I don’t need to go into too much detail on what this is, but it involved his fingers and my sleeping body. It’s been three years and I still have intense physical pain in my vagina and sometimes can even feel his hands around my throat (which he only did once, but at the beginning of our relationship). I hope this is not too much detail, but I don’t know who/where else to talk about this or ask. Anyway, I made an appointment to get an iud placed while we were in a relationship, and I went through with it even though we weren’t together anymore. Now it’s coming up on three years of getting it placed and i need it removed. I’m terrified of going. I have a Pap smear last year to try and see what the root of my vaginal and occasional rectal pain was (surprise, surprise, it was psychosomatic) and even when trying to relax I was clenched so tight that the doctor couldn’t open the thing she put in me to check me out like she wanted. I’m so terrified of getting this removal done and because of corona, I’m not sure my fiancé (different person than the abuse occurred with) will be allowed in the room. Would taking the smallest amount of edible help? Thanks in advance and I’m so sorry this is so long, I’m just a little tipsy and afraid.",3 "Like you hear or read something someone says you don't agree with, and it get stuck in your mind for a while like if it has some kind of authority over your own opinions (even if it is some random on the internet) and you have to give a little mind battle to stick with your own at the end? Not a single one and you are done, but multiple sometimes until it subside or another obsession appears, on another opinion or something else. Anyone relate? does it has a name? sounds like an ocd thing and if so it would fit on a special subtype? Thanks!",1 "I went through a major depressive episode that ended about 6 months ago. I’ve been doing a good since. I can handling my emotions, I have more confidence, and for the most part I’m happy. Recently however I’ve noticed my thoughts were going into a darker direction. It’s been hard for me to describe but when I think about the future it seems futile to me there’s nothing I desire from life and I feel empty a lot of the time. I’ve been getting these dark thoughts and I subconsciously start digging my nails into my skin (an old sh habit of mine). I’m so much better than I was during my major depressive episode yet I get these intrusive thoughts and urges to sh. I’ve found myself questioning if I made a mistake by getting help. If I had just ended it then it would of made sense I had reasons and on top of that I had been vocalizing my pain and getting ignored. If I do it now it’s so out of the blue and there’s not real reason. I don’t want to end it, I don’t want to self harm, and I’m glad that I’m still alive yet I get these intrusive thoughts and urges and I don’t know what to think about it. I thought I was getting this way because of the stress from finals but I’ve finished then and now it’s stronger. Anyone’s insight on this is very appreciated.",2 "as a pre-warning this has some pretty descriptive intrusive thoughts written in it. just so you know before you read it. this is the worst thought loop ive ever had. i have no idea what to do about it. i literally cant connect to anything without a thought coming up like ""what if your not really connected to this?"" or when i try to connect to someone i love i get ""what if you dont really love them?"" and a lot more thoughts in these general categories, but the one thats really kicking me in the ass is ""what if your not yourself?"" its so vague and ominous and could take on any shape and it makes me feel so afraid to connect to anything. ive found no intrusive thoughts like this, and i just kinda feel alone. ive been desperately trying to deal with this. theres someone in my life i really love and want to be there with, but it genuinely feels like my brain is trying to gaslight me and it makes connecting emotionally hard. i just want to figure out what to do so i can be happy again. my ocd hasnt been this bad in ages and i feel crushed by it.",1 My girlfriend left me today. We live together and have a 4 year old daughter. We will live together until we find another apartment for me or her. I have PTSD due to sexual abuse as a child. Haven't had sex with my girlfriend in over a year because of my PTSD.,3 Does anyone else randomly associate a specific inanimate object with a specific bad thought or something they generally just don’t like and then start to avoid the object as if you were afraid of it but it’s just because you don’t want the thoughts in your head and you irrationally associated the two so you’re just so afraid to touch it and get it out your space or even look at it? Because I do that. :I,1 "I’m new to this community, so I hope I’m doing this right. I’ve had PTSD for the past 7 years now, and am now medicated & coping well 95% of the time. What gets me though are noises, especially when loud and sudden (this trigger is unrelated to the cause of my PTSD). Sometimes, I collapse into the fetal position and can’t get up. The other day, I was out in the streets, and there were fireworks going off all around us, which was hard enough, but I was getting through it with some deep breathing & holding onto my partner. We were at a light at a crowded intersection, and a car stopped in front of us (on the zebra crossing), and suddenly honked their horn really loud for a long time. As soon as it happened, I screamed like a banshee for like 10 long seconds and crashed into my partners arms, crying. Everyone was staring at me and asking what happened, which was only making it worse, I was so embarrassed. How do you deal with things like this happening in public? My family are used to it and understand, but I feel like I’m scaring kids, and people think I’m crazy. Thanks for reading, and I’m sending you love & strength.",3 "Probably a dumb question but is hitting/pinching myself considered ""self harm,"" or is it just cutting?",2 Hello everybody! I've decided to become more independent and am looking forward to embracing the growing pains which I know I will inevitably face. I am 24 and moving out with my fiancé for the first time. Does anyone have any valuable tips that have helped them in terms of maintaining their sense of independence? I have mild autism but I still struggle with social interactions and daily executive functioning skills. My fiancé is very supportive and helpful. I'm just wondering what has helped those who have left the nest. Thank you! P. S. I hope everything is going well for all of you who read this. ❤️😊,3 "like, we advocate for people to not support them and then people who aren't autistic act like they're doing some splendid act by supporting them. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY BUY STUFF WITH THE AUTISM COLORS AND THE FUCKING PUZZLE PIECE!!! ugh it's annoying!! like they don't understand or seem completely brain dead when we speak out on issues, they treat us like we're dumb. like they'll buy merchandise and i get this feeling like autism speaks treats neurodivergent ppl like were stupid. idk like ugh, they treat us as a whole label and i don't really like it. we're just normal people. i hate the puzzle piece and the merch they usually have. it's so odd.",3 Life is so much better in my head if only I could live in there.,2 "Hi there! I am in the process of being properly diagnosed so I can get support. As one of my last steps, my doctor asked for copies of elementary and high school report cards. Is this normal? Did others have this experience, too? I'm happy to share them it just felt strange! I also was a mostly B student with some As and some Cs and wondering if that will affect my diagnosis? Will I have had to been failing in order to be diagnosed? TIA! Edit: thank you all **so** much for sharing your experiences and ensuring me that this practice is pretty normal. I'm feeling a lot better! One step closer to the end of the diagnosis journey.",0 "That feeling that you are not necessarily sad, but you just feel really empty.",2 "Anyone else feel shame and guilt for being turned on by sexuality similar to the sexual abuse that traumatized you? I know this all has to do with traumatic bonding and being drawn to what is familiar. Our bodies can become addicted to the fear and intimacy of these toxic and abusive relationships. I still feel guilt and shame though with how much I get turned on by creepy and abusive behavior. It’s tough because now I am seeking healthy relationships but at the same time I get super aroused (scared, excited, and turned on) with abusive/creepy/poor boundary like sex where I am getting taken advantage of or controller. Since I experienced sexual abuse as a child, I notice I act innocent and naive with a dominant partner. I feel so much shame and try to repress this attraction because it doesn’t feel good knowing the attraction stems from my abuse. I guess I could get a good guy who is willing to be that way in the bedroom with my consent!? I am also thinking of becoming a stripper or a waitress since I like flirting so much and I am a bit over sexual?! Or maybe I should get into a BDMS relationship? Ahh.. Anyone relate? Has anyone been able to change their sexual attraction to a more healthy version?",3 "Sometimes after I eat a granola bar, or something, I straighten out the wrapper as it was never opened then I fold it and fold until I can’t, and then I eat something else and repeat. Does anyone else do that or is it just me?",3 "I’m just lost at this point. I want to fall apart, cry, stay in bed forever, give up- whatever would help. I don’t know what I’ve done to keep deserving this. Lately I’ve once again spiraled down. While we all have these lowest of lows, it still hurts. For the past 4 or 5 days my nerves have skyrocketed, I can never stop thinking, I feel broken & depressed- I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why stuff like this keeps happening. Why I just always fall back down & it feels like it’s more often than not. Barely ever a break to catch. Why does it just- happen? Why do I have to have this put on me out of nowhere, why does my happiness & stability need to be shattered over & over. To be stronger? I don’t know. It feels like no matter how much I try it’s like deep down there’s something deeply connected letting me know that change for the better is near impossible & I shouldn’t even try. That I’m going to be this way forever. Even though I know this can’t be true, right? Sometimes I feel as if it’ll never stop & I’m gonna lose it or go insane. Plus this fucking tinnitus that started isn’t helping. My mental health recently has plummeted & my physical isn’t 100% but not bad at all I will say, at least I think. To be honest I’m not sure where I was going with this or what the point even is, just a rant/vent I suppose. If you could take just a minute, tell me what you do during your lowest lows. Maybe recommend mental health exercises & self care tips. Whatever works. Let me know how you’ve been recently & how you’re feeling- whatever you wanna share :) Much love to everyone, hope u all are doing great.",2 "I've been feeling this for a while. COVID started a pretty crazy year for me because: • Lost my job. • I met my fiance. • I had visits with my fiance then had to move across the country. • While across the country my mother proceeded to retraumatize me psychologically, emotionally and mentally... Like she did when I was growing up. • I moved back across the country after a short time • Moved into a new apartment with my partner • Discovered I might have undiagnosed adult ADHD and started pursing diagnosis. • Distanced myself from a tightly held spiritual practice because I realized it's problematic in many ways. • Started seeking a couple's therapist with my fiance •My partner also started pursing diagnosis for high functioning autism. • I've been manipulated by ""spiritual healers"" while trying to seek help. • Found a therapist who aligned with my old spiritual belief system but realizing that I need to switch. • and finally, trying to process all of this while I now feel deeply unappreciated and misunderstood by my partner. Edit: sorry about the format, I'm on mobile Right now it feels like when I go outside I'm so scared of other people, more than I was when I was still working. Also knowing that I'm being perceived by other people feels weird because I feel super vulnerable to the world almost like my nervous system and my heart are burned out and exhausted. I almost worry that by looking at me they will just see the trauma on my back and be repelled by me or that they will want to hurt me (particularly when there are men nearby). I just need some kind words and to know I'm going to be okay.",3 "this happens sometimes and it makes me look a little nuts, i’m sure lol",1 "This is my first time on this sub and idk if it's the right place for this post but I've been depressed since I was a child. I have quite a lot of childhood trauma, I cannot remember a moment that I felt safe in my childhood home. I'm 24 now and I always knew that my upbringing was horrendous but I guess I really suppressed the specific memories, it was all kind of a blur of awfulness in a way. I could still spend time with my father and stepmom and be bubbly and chipper and like everything was ok because it didn't feel *that* bad. Anyway, these past few years I've been having kind of like flashbacks to childhood memories here and there. And these past few months, it's been happening a lot and I'm starting to remember a lot of the horrible stuff, as in specific memories, and it's making it really hard to live daily life. I have these memories frequently and just want to break down crying, it's particularly difficult in the morning and at night but even during the day I can be waiting in line somewhere and then I remember something and have to fight back tears. I'm also so angry that I was treated like this as a kid to the point where I don't want to see my dad or stepmom, I'm so angry at them. Has anyone else experienced something like this? I don't know what to do. Clearly I need to deal with these things but I'm in school and have a job and I can't walk around crying all the time. It's also incredibly overwhelming to have these memories and emotions rush in almost all of a sudden. I don't quite know what to do and I guess I'm just curious about other people's experiences and how you coped from the day to day while working through it. Also, I was just prescribed antidepressants and I'm looking for a new therapist if anyone is curious about what I'm doing to help my depression. ​ Edit: I was reading up on this and I think I know why I started remembering so much and I'm experiencing so much pain. I removed myself fully from the toxic situation (I just moved away a few months ago). When I first started experiencing the flashbacks (as I call them) here and there a few years ago, I moved from my dad's house to my mom's house which was just a few blocks away and I still had very regular contact with my dad and stepmom but I started to remember some specific events. Now that I'm fully removed from the toxic situation, my body is no longer in survival mode and its starting to remember all of those things and it's painful, but totally normal. Anyway, I just wanted to update in case anyone went through something similar and was kind of confused. It's a good time to start healing though!",2 "I've struggled with symptoms of OCD for as long as I can remember, but until recently, I was so used to it I was mostly about to ignore it to the point where I didn't realize it was a problem. Recently, it's evolved into mostly being ROCD-focused and has become distressing to a degree where I had to admit there was a problem. For three and a half months, it has been taking over my life, making me alternate between periods of starving myself enough to lose 5 pounds overnight and keep dropping weight and binging until I'm so full of hurts. I've had suicidal thoughts nearly every day for three months. But then I started researching OCD as a possible diagnosis, and now I have a strange new obsession: that I will always be thinking, and that I will always be aware of the fact that I am thinking. All day, when I'm trying to experience my life, I have this thought in the back of my mind: I'm thinking right now. I know I'm thinking. For my whole life, I will never be able to think without being aware of the fact that I am thinking. I think this evolved as a result of always being aware of other obsessions and now has become an obsession in itself, similar to hyper awareness OCD like being aware of blinking or swallowing. Thinking that I will always be conscious of thinking, that I will never be able to fully experience my life in the moment without analysis—it's made me feel suicidal. Has anyone else experienced this?",1 I’ve done shitty things and I don’t know whether or not it would just be best for everyone if I just gave up,2 "One of my fears is posting on public forums (like Reddit) I finally felt ready to face it, and thought this was the perfect place! Thanks to this community for making me feel less alone ♥️",1 I’m 33 years old and although I’ve never been formally diagnosed I have a lot of the traits that would put me on the Spectrum. I tend to spend a lot of time being nostalgic of and thinking about the past and past events or people that I used to spend time with. A good amount of my day is spent thinking about the past and remembering the times I used to have and thinking of mistakes I made and things I wish I would’ve done or said. Im not sure if this is related to ASD but does anyone else deal with these thoughts and emotions?,3 "I am so unable to live with other people. I’m disappointing them and can’t seem to keep the room clean. I’m doing my best and it’s never enough. They’re so disappointed and upset and trying to show respect of their space but my brain does not compute. I’m so overwhelmed and horrified in myself but nothing ever sticks. Other than keeping things tidy I am doing okay. I’m medicated, i just got through school, I’ve started work. What do I fucking do? Nothing works and i always think things are going well then I hear they’re really upset and I want to throw myself off a cliff for disappointing them and causing stress.",0 "I want to not feel numb, I want to be able to cry. I want to feel like everything is as fun and amazing and beautiful before this all happened. I need to know there's another side to this, and that with therapy it will get better and I will get back to my life, because I'm 2-3 sessions in to cbt and I feel overwhelmed and scared.",3 "I was put on Concerta about 2 months ago after finding that Adderall was making me too jittery and made it harder to focus. I was eventually bumped up to 54 mg, but I don't really feel it's helping. It gives me the same jitters as the adderall for the first couple of hours, then seems to peter off to nothing at all. My emotional regulation is still difficult and I feel more tired than I used to, despite getting more sleep than I was before. It's hard to stay focused on anything and the sleepiness definitely doesn't help. Exercise (cardio) hasn't really helped with it so far, and only makes me even more sleepy. Bleh, I'm beginning to get worried my body just won't find a medication it reacts well with. The most successful I've tried has been ritalin, but when I asked my doctor if I could try it she said Concerta is essentially the same thing. Not really sure what to do at this point, and starting to get worried :c How long did it take y'all to find the right meds for you? I realize it's different for everyone of course.",0 "OCD to me is like an onion. Youve gone through one layer, and after that theres another layer you have to go through, and everytime you keep tearing through and you think you’ve got it under control, youre only met with another layer to deal with. I am sick of this shit. I dont feel comfortable sharing how my OCD is working now, because it is also telling me that its probably a bad idea to share with you my obsessions and compulsions in everyday life because they may make you susceptible to adopting them. I just dont wanna be putting my garbage in your head. Thats just me. But im tired. Its been a while since i go to therapy. Hopefully within the next week i can get the help that i need. To be honest i dont think ive ever gotten a clear and 100% accurate diagnosis of OCD but its been pretty clear to my therapists that theres definitely something going on. How would you describe your OCD? I would like to describe mine as an incredibly exaggerated obsessive way of viewing everyday life through the lenses of morality and hygiene. I know it sounds ridiculous. But what isnt ridiculous about OCD? There are those who live their days without any worries over the simplest of things, and then there’s us. Something’s been itching me for a while now, worsening my mood, and turning me into a child. Im humble enough to recognize my personal flaws and to work on them independently from my OCD, but i must also control my illness to improve my overall wellbeing. A bit of everything within me has been screwing with my behavior, but OCD is still being the one annoying little shit making it unnecessarily harder for me to find some peace. Its great to have this sub so we can share our thoughts, experiences and advices. This is just me spitting my thoughts. Feel free to ask or say anything.",1 " [20M] suffering from severe depression and anxiety for last two years and was also very suicidal at a point but after neglecting my mental issues for long enough I decided to get help and saw a psychiatrist for some months.I think reason behind my issues was the toxic relationship of my parents, I let it to get in my head too much.I finished college this year and tried to get into a reputed university but I didn’t succeed to do so. Now my father doesn’t talk with that well, mom is just “sad”. I had 4 very close friends, all them got into reputed academics. They all now ignores my texts, dont even call me up for hang outs or picnics anymore. They just outcast me from the group.We were friend since highschool. Now here I'm at my 20s a failure for my family with severe depression and anxiety, no money or friend or anybody close to talk.Also those suicidal thoughts are getting back lately, just feeling like i wont able to make it through this time.",2 "All I felt today as if I was just mere shambling remains. I felt I had no soul. Just a husk of a person. I think the people around me saw the deadness in my eyes, hence why they avoided me. These past few weeks…have been so hard. I don’t know how I’m hanging on. And honestly, I feel as though I’m going to fall off.",2 "everything about ocd makes me feel like im worth nothing, i hate this, i cant be happy. I feel i shouldnt be happy all the time, i dont think anyone will truly care about me if they knew everything that goes on in my head and some shit that happened in the past, how tf u get over this?",1 "So! Where to Start... I´ll start where I am right now! (Im also Bipolar) And I needed to say that first in the meaning of explaining why I actually never (really) got recommended to eat Medicine for my sever Add that been wracking my emotional life for at least a decade! Sad but, TRUE! I started to get help and eat medicin for my Add, when I got a Burne Out for trying to Cope with everything during this amazingly hard Covid year. My partner got wary sick (Not in Covid) And my job got really out of harmony (stressful). And all broke down at once.. Left me on the floor in fragments! That I needed to pick up.. Pick up Myself and really start to question all of it! I actually started to ask for and eat medicine 18 mg Concerta while still working! Started at the worst timing ever... I told my doctor that I need something to get me more stable (emotionally) and that could help me through my stressful job situation! So I started to eat and I managed to maintain my suuper stressful job situation, and take care of my partner at home... It worked until i diden´t. I started to get so agitated and stressy at my jobb so I hade to call in sick and take a break! Telling them that I felt stressed out and being vulnerable led theme to fire me! So home with a sick partner without a work, burned out and no one that understands... Just jump up that horse again.. So I stoped eating Concerta.. Afraid of it! Or that I will become hypo manic.. So For 6 moth I diden´t do anything! Leading me to my main point of this text! How could my Doctor subscribe meds to me when I was stressed out.. When she never recommend it before due to that it could overstimulate my Bipolar disorder... And then leave me all broken with no Add meds..Afterwards..? So Now after 6 moth I started to try slowly to eat again... It works! Im starting to be able to do things... And I´m now experienced in this... bad or worse... So! Be careful and Mindful of the effects of the medicin! And Hopefully your Doctor got more check on YOU! Take care/Mejdlen",0 "I'm currently reading Helping you identify and understand autism masking by Emma Kendall and I have a question about it but I'm not sure if it's a stupid question or not. Apparently in the UK by 2022, Asperger's will be basically reclassified as Autism Spectrum Disorder which is good but what that does mean for people like me who are already diagnosed with Asperger's? Or does it change nothing?",3 "Hello! After 18 months at a toxic AF job, I started a new job in October that is intense but I really enjoy it. When I accepted the job we understood that I'd be hybrid (part remote part in-office) but then ADHD happened. I have ADHD and was diagnosed at 15 (I'm 33 now). I shunned my diagnosis in my teens-and onward through my late 20s. I was gaslit into thinking I just ""didn't try hard enough"" by most of my teachers and professors, and then in my mid 20s I couldn't afford the meds so I dropped them. Picked them up again around 29 when my wonderful past therapist finally brought up the diagnosis again in a session, got financial help from my parents to afford the meds. Meds and therapy seemed fine for a while, but when I had an uninsured period after leaving the toxic job last month I hadn't ordered enough ADHD meds in advance. Suddenly I was without them, adjusting to commuting after 18 months remote and it was a struggle. I've done really well at work and that's helped me out, but apparently restructuring my morning around a 45 min-1hr commute is fucking hard. Is this a time-blindness thing? Does anyone else struggle with planning routines, no matter how meticulous and motivated you are? Additionally, when I hit about 48 hours off of meds (around October 20), I realized that what I thought was chronic constipation had corrected itself overnight (TMI I know, but it impacted my quality of life). Like I wouldn't poop for close to a week, no matter how well I ate and how much I exercised, or how much healthy stuff I did. I checked with a practitioner I saw last week (I'd frantically arranged an out-of-pocket appt to get my meds) and they say chronic constipation is a common side effect. Two weeks in and I've been comfortably regular with little-to-no supplements. What I thought had been a digestive disorder for nearly a decade (if not longer) was a fuckin medicine side effect. Last week I finally told my supervisor that I was struggling at planning a commute when I was off my meds. But that I'd also realized that what I thought were separate health conditions that impacted my quality of life were really med side effects. I asked to be remote until I was connected with new mental health providers & PCP to work on this, and she said yes--half our team is fully remote anyway. In a surprisingly wonderful moment, she also backed me up in going to HR to see if they could change my start date and make me eligible for insurance earlier (started 1st wk of October and wasn't eligible for insurance until early December d/t how the insurance contract works). HR tweaked some paperwork and my insurance became active on Friday. I start with my new therapist in 10 days, and I've found contact info for some PCPs that I'll be contacting Monday morning. A note that I'm NOT against medicine. Prozac saved my fucking life (along with other meds), and I know ADHD meds have been really helpful for other folks. But I've had gnarly digestive side effects on all the ADHD meds I've tried, and at this point I think my ADHD needs tactics more than meds. TL;DR-- does anyone else struggle to plan long commutes? If so, how have you gotten around it? Or have you just stayed remote/super close to where you need? I feel like a fucking bozo and that this shouldn't be so hard. I'm doing just fine remote and have no problem starting on time and focusing, but I still wonder why commuting is so hard for me.",0 "Disclaimer : I’m not looking for a diagnosis or seeking medical advice. I have been diagnosed with OCD for a while now, less than a year, by a psychiatrist who I’ve been seeing for 6 years now. In the past I’ve been denying that I have some compulsions, which are very minimal ( locking door for example) in fear of being diagnosed with OCD since my aunt had it and it severely impacted her life to the point of total isolation. I was « diagnosed » with social anxiety before by a therapist because I used to feel like I « could hear » people’s thoughts about me (they keep repeating in my mind like « they’re laughing at you » « you look so dumb »..) . I ruminate about my daily embarrassments especially at night, and my past embarrassing moments to the point that I make sudden loud noises (seem like a tic) to silence the thoughts. I used to have panic attacks, being convinced that I’m dying, being convinced that I have some illnesses even when doctors said I don’t. I’ve recently had some guilt ruminations so bad they make me shake and feel nauseous . I have had some confession compulsions recently. Intrusive thoughts of sexual nature have been present since I was a child . Some contamination obsessions were triggered mostly after the start of the pandemic. I also sometimes fixate on a certain thing that bothers me (for example someone’s bare feet moving) and I might get irritated (even physically) . Oh and when I’m studying, if I do not understand something it’s so hard for me to skip it, I’ll even spend entire days on it. Getting rid of objects isn’t easy for me although it isn’t hoarding, I could still get rid of it eventually. The doctor diagnosed me based on what I thought was social anxiety and the guilt ruminations only (i haven’t mentioned the other stuff) The reason I’m writing this is because I’ve always been in denial of my OCD and yesterday , in mental health class (medschool) we’ve been taught about OCD and honestly I’ve never related less . I know what we’ve been taught is fairly superficial since we’re not psychiatrists…but almost like none of it applies to me. I want to know if things I’ve mentionned above are the things you’ve been diagnosed for too..",1 "I fought long and hard to stay in college and try to earn a degree because the first time I went to college, I dropped out with no direction in my life, but now im in my last semester, I am very burnt out and feel like I had enough. I am in my last semester but I don't think I can handle it anymore. I am very depressed and tired from my trauma, being in classrooms is so triggering for me, not to mention i am surrounded by immature people. Today for both of my classes we had to arrange our seats in stupid circles because the professors want us to be familiar and see each other which instantly made me uncomfortable, I had to keep fighting my fight or flight instinct from getting the hell out of there. I succeed in staying in one whole class but could barely hack the other and left an hour. my eyes were darting all over the place. I make people uncomfortable too with my ptsd symptoms I have no idea what the hell I am doing in college in the first place, I have no idea what career I want to do or passionate about, I highly doubt my cptsd will even let me be able to hold down a career for a long time. I was pressured by my mother to go because she believes a degree will make me successful/give me better options. I am studying psychology and I don't want to be a counselor anymore, so now I feel I am wasting my time with these classes that is causing me extreme discomfort. I feel id rather die than go back there another day. the commute is also horrible and overwhelming for me. whenever I go there I always have to fight back tears both on the way to school and in class, its always rush hour, so I have to walk by billions of people each day, I had a guy get mad at me cause I was in his way and didn't know which way to go, another person pushed by me without saying sorry, the city I live in (nyc) is way too hectic and fast paced for me. Im always on edge each day and its never gotten easier despite my one year of toughing it out. I was in therapy but that didn't really help me, im currently taking Zoloft but don't feel much of a difference, (iv taken other meds before as well) maybe I need a change of environment I think I still have time to drop my classes, though im not sure if I would owe money. I regret not just transferring out to an online college at least, if im unable to drop out, do you have any advice/hacks on how to handle classes that are triggering, some of my classes are discussion based where we get into circles and discuss, im thinking of just dropping one class to put less pressure on me and then transfer anyway to an online school for January. im feeling sick of thinking of going tomorrow for my other class since I will have to do those awful icebreakers/introductions which I am thinking of skipping (most likely will)",3 "My parents raped and tortured my brother and I. I can't speak to his experience, just my own. I'm a transgender woman. I knew I wanted to be a girl when I was 4. My ""father's"" response was, ""Oh honey, you don't want to be a girl.. I don't want you to be a girl. God doesn't want you to be a girl. Bad things happen to girls."" Then he raped me. He did this a number of times asking me if I still wanted to be a girl. Even though I denied it, he said, ""You're lying. I think you still want to be a girl."" And he would rape me again and again. Even though I tried my best to hide, my femininity would leak out, causing my classmates to attack me. He made me watch him assault my brother when I was 6 or 7 because I tried to stop him. He would force himself on me in the middle of the night and then he and my mother would hold me underwater in a tub filled with ice and rubbing alcohol. When I struggled to breathe, they held my fave under the cold tap. They lent me out to others. When I got too big to hold down, he would put wasps in my bed so I'd remember the sting and not the assault. Other than love, affection, and protection, we didn't want for anything. I can't get my life together. I'm doing well at work, but that uses up all my resources. I come home and distract myself rather than do the things I need it want to do. I can't seem to stop self-sabotage. I'm being subsumed by clutter because it's just too much. I'm ashamed of my clutter. But mostly, I'm ashamed of myself. I despise myself. I do my best to help others, and had an amazing career (until I came out, and then I lost everything... My family, my home (became homeless twice, despite being an educated professional), my career and reputation were attacked, I lost 90% of my friends, and none of my coworkers would talk to me. (I got my job back after a 2 year legal battle.) Anyway, after a lifetime of being blamed for my abuse, I don't know how to unlearn the lessons that were (both literally and figuratively) pounded into me. I don't know how to overcome this shame, but I *do* know that nothing is working. I cannot ""choose"" to be happy. Telling myself that I'm loved and safe doesn't make me feel loved and safe. I do have wonderful friends, and my brother is just amazing, but there's no joy in my life. (I've only experienced joy twice in my life, both times when I accepted myself -at age 4 and again at 49- but suffered severe consequences as a result: rape, homelessness, loss.) How do I unlearn self-hated? The Republicans' obsession with making laws that punish my existence isn't helping any.",3 "TL:DR - ASD is so poorly understood by the general population that the use of dated and offensive terms is one of the only ways to provide insight into individual experiences. The Mind-dump (My own experience and opinion - would like to build on this with other people's input) So I imagine a fair amount of people on this page would be familiar with the changes to diagnosis post DSM-5. For those who don't, Asperger's Syndrome and Autism Disorder are no longer considered a valid diagnoses and instead fall under the Autism Spectrum disorder - there are pros and cons for this but that is a story for another time or the comments. Moving on, I have recently been diagnosed (M 21) which has lead to a lot of reflecting on past and present behaviours etc, as you would expect. The frustration lies with expressing myself and trying to help my family/friends understand things from my perspective or familiarise them with some personal struggles now that I am slowly trying to de-mask when home and around close friends. I find the only basis of knowledge people have is if you are ""High/Low functioning"" or ""So are you a little autistic or a lot"" or ""You don't seem autistic, just a little weird or quirky"". I find the reference to traditional (DSM-4) diagnosis criteria helps enforce the perspective that the spectrum is linear which leads to poor understanding, categorisation and devaluation of individual struggles. When in reality the more accurate model is more of a circle split into many, many subcategories which is why I believe the move to an umbrella term ""ASD"" has enabled people within the community to become more open and supportive of individual struggles instead of categorising each other. I have noticed that my family are almost in denial and finding every other reason for my behaviours because ASD is too hard of a concept to grasp, and it is getting upsetting when I am having to refer to terms such as High/Low functioning to get any form of credibility - it feels like I am adding to the problem. Any advice or insight?",3 "Hi all! I’ve reached a point where many of my themes have faded, and just a few months ago, I was the happiest I’ve been in my entire life. But now that I’m distant from the thing/environment that made me so happy (a particular work experience and community), I’ve gotten this nagging feeling that something should be wrong, even if it isn’t, or that perhaps beneath the facade of a fairly happy person is some kernel of despair. The compulsion, if I’ve identified it correctly, is digging for that kernel like there’s no tomorrow, until my emotional state feels scratched and bloody (for lack of a better analogy). The great irony that I’m struggling with is that I know it’s a good thing to feel one’s feelings—to let oneself experience and go through them rather than considering them to be bad or inconvenient and shoving them aside—but I’m not sure whether these feelings are even real. I know many with pure OCD go on to experience meta-OCD after they’ve recovered to an extent, and many feel that they don’t deserve to be happy because of the taboo content of their thoughts—I’ve hit both points—but in this case, the thought itself (rather than the conclusion of some other frightening thought) is that I’m supposed to be sad or not fully functioning. So in this case, to go through the feelings is counterintuitive, because it inspires further confusion about what I’m feeling and whether I’m ok to begin with. Does anyone have any advice on this, or has anyone experienced anything similar? At this point, I suppose I ought to just rough it out with ERP—get comfy with the feeling that I’m not ok—but it’s been hard to bear. Many thanks for your support!",1 "I had a very traumatic childhood. Where drugs, violence, fighting was heavily around. I was left on my own in heroin houses by the time I was 15 and I did things I wasn't proud of to survive and make sure I didn't have to sleep under a tree or on a park bench in the winter. I've always figured I was extremely sad because I had things to be sad about ya know? And that depression was when you were sad for no reason. I was always very understanding of my own conditions. My own mental illness and the abandonment issues I had. The trauma of things I experienced at a young age and things i seen that horrificly affected me. I fell In love. Had a child. And them was cheated on and left after 4 years. Sadly her mom hates me now. Does everything she can to keep our child from me. Over a year and half of her life I have had her held from me. Nothing has ever hurt more then feeling replaced as a father. Having another man thrown in my face as my daughters ""true"" father. Being told I couldn't provide enough. Told I wasn't good enough. I wasn't wanted. Even though to me I was always there to help my child's mother. I let her use me. Abuse me and everything between cause I still loved her. When she decided to leave me I lost much more then just the girl I loved. I lost my time as a parent majorly. Went from a full time dad to a weekend one. And it's broke me badly. And that's if I'm allowed to see her or have somewhere to take her. I've done nothing but work my butt off to be a great dad. I put my daughter first in everything. I sacrificed so much for both of them. Even when her mom hates me. Constantly asks me to sign away my rights but how could I ever hurt my daughter like that?. My issue is the voice in my head always tells me she's right. That my little girl is better off without her broken fucked up dad. My parents ruined me at a young age cause of thier mental issues. I don't wanna do that to mine. I don't wanna pass down these things. I try so darn hard to make sure she's got a better life. She's so happy and only time I truly feel ok is when she's with me. She loves her dad so much. Thinks I'm so great. I don't know why I've always felt undeserving. Like I'm not good enough for people to love. I even find myself self sabotaging relationships when I get to close. Cause I think they deserve better man then me. Anyways. I guess my point of making this post was that lately I've found myself thinking so heavily about death. What happens after this? Doing studying. Even preparing. Preparing in a way where I've written letters for daughter. Just in case. That tell her who I was. What I liked. How much she means to me. What kind of man I wished I was. I've written all my favorite bands and music down so she would have some sort of understanding of me. I'm a music fanatic. So it was important to me. I've used my fb as a sort or diary or a way for her to be able to reach deep into who her dad was in case im not there for her later on. From when I was 15 to 26. She will have some understanding of her dad on a deeper level. And I know. This isn't right. But I couldn't imagine to those who lost a parent to suicide not being able to ever truly get to know them or love them for the person they were. I've always been kind. Caring. Going out of my way for others when they were sad. It was important to me. I hated knowing others felt like I had. I've always been a deep thinking person. Exploring the fabric of existence. Why we exist. What it all means. And maybe that's cause I've never felt I had a purpose? So I searched for one. Though my only purpose now is to love my beautiful little girl and try everything I can do not to hurt her. Disappoint her or let her down. I hate that I have thoughts of giving up. Of just putting a gun to my head and finding out sooner then later what lays beyond the veil. I've always had these thoughts since I was 13. But never as often as now. It's constant. I drink a lot and cry about it and it's probably the only time as a man I can find a way to cry. Only after I've chugged a 5th does these stupid emotions I stuffed away finally come out. I'm not a angry drunk. More lovey dovey then anything. But sad lately. Anyways. I love my daughter so I've been fighting so much lately.",2 "It makes so much sense now, I wished I just have been diagnosed earlier so I wouldn’t have to have suffered as much as I did in school, parents don’t get their kids and they blame it on laziness or the fact I’m just spoiled or a “bad” kid. I had a lot of learning difficultly in school had problems with school, I couldn’t work in large environments, my parents legit put me in an extremely tough class which I failed, kept getting scolded and right before my 18th birthday I been diagnosed with Aspergers. My childhoods been a hell but maybe with this new acknowledgement I can start a new life. I think the main reason a diagnosis took so long for me was because my mother constantly lied to my doctors refusing to acknowledge the problem, it feels extremely neglecting and hard that even after my diagnosis she told my doctor it was all bull shit.... though my dad seems more understanding I guess.",3 "I remember watching the original Achievement Hunter gang for their Let's Plays and them being dicks to each other during the videos and thinking that that was just how friends played games together, since they all seemed like friends. So I would play games with friends and do the kind of things AH would do to each other in videos and expect laughter and causing actual strain and frustration with the friendship. Anyone else have this kind of experience?",3 "I sooo ready to give up, I just can’t take it anymore. Everyday i go to sleeping thinking that I just don’t want to wake up, but I’m too scared, then I cry myself to sleep hoping that maybe there’s going to be something better tomorrow.",2 "How often do you try to monetize it in some way? Do you typically try to create a business venture from your new interest? I’ve found that this has become a trend for me and it’s a little frustrating when I think about how many projects I’ve abandoned. It also makes me worry that I’ll have a hard time distinguishing my true niche from another temporary hyperfixation.",0 "I'm still not able to share one of my worst traumas with my therapist. I'm able to talk hours about many of the horrible things that happened to me, but this specific one I just can't tell, I feel like it would be dangerous to give someone so much power. I like my therapist, she's excellent and she really understands me, since she herself has a religious crazy family (not so terrible or even similar to my family, but at least she gets the root of the problem). But I feel like this is my biggest secret and nobody should know. Otherwise I'm not safe. Anyone can relate? (English is not my first language, so I'm sorry for any confusion)",3 "Does anyone feel like their ptsd and issues are karma for what they've previously done? I can't help but think if I could redo the wrongs I've done I wouldn't be facing this shit now.",3 "Can silent panic attacks be a thing? My trauma involved me being choked in an assault. Now I will sometimes experience what I think are panic attacks where I can feel my throat closing, and I can’t breath. I can feel him choking me again, and his weight on my chest. I just lay there in silence, panicking, and unable to breathe until usually a yawn forces breath into my lungs. I always thought of panic attacks as crying, hyperventilating, loud, chaotic experiences. It makes me question whether or not that’s what this is.",3 It worked great I didn’t yell in my sleep for the first time in years but i woke up completely exhausted i had to sleep 4 extra hours its most likely the dose is just too high?? Its making me anxious,3 "So, I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and ADHD, which means I can't sleep without meds and I'm mostly to tired to do things while being really active in my head. Just wondering if other people had the same or maybe a different chronic illness in combination with ADHD, and how do you handle it? For example: I just came back from a boring day at work, all my joints hurt, have had some very bad nights of sleep but as soon as I got home I got way to much energy from being understimulated at work and I did all the household chores I could do.",0 Yesterday I was at my husbands moms house. I have really bad derealization but I’ve been trying to force myself to go out and do things to expose myself to this fear. I was having bad anxiety all day and towards the end of the night I could not get out of my head that somehow I was possibly dosed with lsd and was coming up on it. I had to stop in the middle of a conversation and tell them I was having a panic attack and needed to talk to my husband alone to calm down. I told my husband I’m scared of going psychotic and that I’m having bad thoughts of possibly being dosed with lsd and that I literally feel the symptoms of me coming up. He handled it really well but my panic was so so strong and my whole body was shaking in fear.,1 "I thought about suffocating myself yesterday because I felt pained that I disappointed people with my stupidity. I don't really want to be alive. Well, I'm gonna be here because mom loves me at least...",2 "I think this sums up my feelings about relationships. I say this with my long term relationship having fallen apart. This was the one I'd pinned all my hopes on and would take me into old age. But in the end it followed a similar pattern and really only survived as long as it did out of sheer persistence. People fall into these categories: 1. Women who are interested in dating me and who i am also interested in This covers all my relationships to date. They have all followed a similar pattern. Things go well initially. After a certain period of time my flaws become more of a problem and the woman expects me to behave more normally. My behaviour gradually causes a loss of respect and i feel i have to make more and more effort to cover up my failings. Eventually this downward spiral causes the end of the relationship. 2. Women who i am not interested in dating When zero attraction or chemistry exists then there is no hope of a relationship. I don't mean this to be interpreted as placing too big expectations on relationships. It is a reality we are all faced with when we come to choosing our partners 3. Women who are not interested in me They may already have a partner. They may have aspergers or related issues and prefer either to be alone or than with someone who reminds them of themselves",3 "I've recently been learning the ropes as a new undiagnosed-but-very-likely-on-the-spectrum person, and was curious about a cognitive trait that I noticed long before I ever suspected myself on the spectrum. So you know how there's the stereotype of the aspie who just has an intuitive knack for tech and machines? Where their mind just naturally gravitates towards concrete patterns and systems? Well my mind is like the mirror opposite of that. If something is related to art, culture, philosophy, religion, literature, or other ""abstract"" fields of that sort, my mind seems to have an natural predisposition to learning about it and retaining knowledge about it. It feels as though I ""think"" in aesthetics - everything has a vibe to it, and it's all connected. Even with aesthetics I can't put into words, I still feel a strong sense of ""understanding"" them. The flip side of this is that I struggle a lot with anything concrete and relating to technology or machinery. It all seems so abstract to me. I've never been any good with tools, automotives, math, chemistry, computers; I've struggled to learn anything about playing an instrument or learning musical notation, despite naturally gravitating towards music history, culture, lyrics, all of which I learn with ease. Does anyone else feel this way? I'm trying to untangle the narrative of my life and figure out just how my neurodivergence has affected me.",3 "I know this is weird...but my ex who gave me PTSD locked me in a room for weeks and made me watch The Office...he didn't let me get up to go to the bathroom, close my eyes, sleep, look at my phone, leave, nothing. So now The Office TV show is a trigger for me. My work has been getting more and more.....office-y lately. I'm really starting to struggle. They have office themed things and it's like office gif city. I can only handle so much exposure therapy. I don't really feel I can tell anyone about this because 1. it's so personal and 2. it's so weird I don't think anyone would believe me and I would lose all professional credibility - they'd just think i don't like the show and am being selfish. Idk what to do. Advice? edit/disclaimer: after reading this i understand some people may think this is trolling, but i assure you that I have diagnosed PTSD and I'm not trolling or making this up, this is a real thing and it really affects me so I'm genuinely looking for advice. thank you. ",3 "**Background**: I have a long history (10+ years) of depression and anxiety. Have been off and on meds with varying degrees of success. Never formally diagnosed with PTSD, but I’ve suspected hints of it. **What Happens**: So recently I’ve been in a period off of meds and struggling quite a bit. I’ve had a few instances during which I SUDDENLY AND UNEXPECTEDLY felt a deep and unexplained sadness without any apparent trigger. It wasn’t about anything that happened recently or causing me worry. It just happens and lasts for a few hours. I can’t put my finger on what it is so I can’t really do anything about it. More specifically, I feel like it’s a different season or year, too, and it’s usually the same one or two season/year. And that season/year feels like it’s around the time before I first got diagnosed with depression. It’s as if I feel that deep sadness from the past and even the associated weather. However, there’s no specific *event* that I recall. **So am I having an emotional flashback to that traumatic period which led to me having an episode of depression? I can’t really remember a single, specific traumatic event back then, but there were a few of them about four years prior to that (cyber bullying, etc.).**",3 " **My symptoms (since birth or very close to birth):** <> Whenever I talk, I'm completely ""blind"" on what I'm going to talk next. It's like if I were to picture my thought as a vision, my field of ""vision"" would be super narrow, and it takes a lot of time to think of the next thing I'm going to say. Seriously, it's scary like I'm crawling in the dark, and I get really anxious whenever I talk, even talking to myself, because I realize how unnatural it is. This makes prolonged speeches impossible, because I freeze a couple of seconds just to think about what I'm going to talk next. I'm also very awkward with my choice of words because I constantly have to search for an appropriate vocabulary but my brain doesn't allow me to. I'm also very uncreative in terms of the things I say, and people say I'm super boring when I talk. I talk very little, sometimes I avoid talking completely in front of people because my mind is SUPER blank. Like void blank. I have zero freaking idea how people can talk quickly and eloquently and have clever gags and complicated figures of speech in their disposal. My brain doesn't naturally work like that. Due to this, its super hard to socialize. I cannot share my life experience/interests/hobbies fluently or expressing my ideas without pausing awkwardly. They usually realize I'm weird right from the start of meeting with me because I'm too mute and seem like an awkward guy to talk to. For the record, I have zero friends I talk to these days. People who were stuck with me for 3 years of high school completely gave up on me (they were good people). I rely on my family for little amount of socialization. Even my relatives think I'm weird and avoid me subtly. <> The above applies to writing too. Writing this post takes a whole lot of time for me to collect my thoughts. Usually when I write posts to social media, I take the draft down because they're way too verbose, too incoherent, cringey, or just doesn't convey my point of view clearly. I'm uncreative with my use of vocabulary and figures of speech. I also can't make up narratives fluently like other people. <> I have slow processing speed. When friends or relatives have conversation in normal speed, I can only follow them with big mental effort. Whenever I hear a lecture, watch Youtube video, or watch a film, its like my brain turns off and intermittently stop processing some chunks of what people say and I have to either rewind or pause to think what was said earlier, but by that time the speech has already gone further. I also might have some kind of auditory processing disorder, because sometimes I cannot hear fully hear what someone says when other people immediately knows what they're saying. <> When I read, sometimes I have to read the same sentence multiple times. Also, I sometimes don't get what a complex sentence is telling me. <> When I play instruments, I make constant mistakes even on repetitive chord progressions. I cannot perfectly memorize melody without making mistakes. I'm totally confused how people can move to the next part of the song without screwing up their playing. This also happens to other skills that require real time performance. The only thing I'm really good at (not subpar performance compared to other people) is scoring well in tests. Usually I'm allotted enough time to score higher than other people. But i think if i weren't to have this problem, I would've scored even higher in tests because I'm also careless and anxious during tests. <> Despite having high IQ (tested 156 once and 154 another), I seem to have little capacity to store and inquire general knowledge. I'm good at logical stuff (problems that require pure logic and little prior knowledge, like math, programming, physics). But learning and processing new stuff seems too overwhelming and exhausting to me. People seem to know a lot about their favorite movies, recent events and development in the world, while I'm severely blind of a great deal of information. My interests are in ""simple"" and easily understandable things such as watching Power Rangers for years, reading reddit, and watching youtube. I do change my interests regularly but they all fall in the category of being too ""simple"". If a concept is too complex for a child to understand, I can still comprehend it but I will be too lazy to do so because it's mentally exhausting or it will take more time for me to do so because of my slow processing speed. <> I have poor short term memory. I forget what the exact thing my mother told me to do because my space of memory is too limited (also because she talks too fast and i'm too slow to process her instructions). I have to reread previous sentences in a book because I forgot what they said. I forgot what I ate in the morning. I don't know if my long term memory is affected, but I can clearly remember some details of events in childhood. When my friends already forgot what last year's high school course was about, I can recall most of the academic concepts taught years ago. So sometimes I think my long term memory is better than others, but not my short term memory. <> Idk if this is related but since I was a child I have a feeling that I'm more easily fatigued than others. Sometimes I wonder how people could have so much energy for socialization, completing assignments, and just being productive in life. When I was in elementary my mom complained that I always slept in the car after leaving school, she said it was weird. These days, I also sleep hours in the afternoon because I felt I have to sleep after every mental exhausting activity. Although idk if it's just my mind compelling me to avoid the hurdles of life and be lazy (depression? idk) My mom's testimony kind of supports the idea that my cognitive deficits have always persisted since birth or very close to birth. One time I asked her if I've always been like this, and she said, yes, I've been always seemed to be a kid who is withdrawn, ""has"" his own world, talking very little to other people even when asked to, slow, and ""robotic"". I also always felt different and amazed with other people's natural abilities, never having mental clarity and always getting outcompeted. This could be a case of ADHD or autism, but I'm having a hard time getting prescribed ADHD medications in my third world country, so it's really hard to know if stimulants could actually help me or not ;(. My mom said ""I guarantee it's impossible for you to get ADHD medication in this country, you have to employ your own strategies and rely on God to combat it."" I also kinda agree because no one here talks about ADHD. I've done MRI and EEG, both came back normal. I want to get tested for nutritional deficiencies too, but I don't have other symptoms beside my cognitive impairments and my mom doesn't want me to spend money getting checked up on all sorts of things. She supplies me B12 and D3 supplements anyway. I've been looking at r/BrainFog and took things like turmeric with black pepper, ginger, fruits like strawberry and banana, and I don't feel they gave any improvement. I even tried ibuprofen once (to clear inflammation or something) and don't feel anything. I haven't tried changing my diet though. Sorry for the long and incoherent rant. IDK how to exactly put it. What do you think? is it possibly ADHD/SCT/autism?",0 I slept in the same bed as my dog for years and he's gone now. I felt protected. Then I got a SO but I cannot fall asleep if I'm alone. Anyone else have this issue and how do I solve it?,3 "I posted this on another page and thought I’d share it here. Disclaimer: This may trigger some of you as I don’t hold back the language, or abuse, so view discretion is advised. I work as a delivery driver for a pizza brand and this is what happened yesterday • • • • • • “I want to quit, but I can’t It happened again. Same driver, more bullshit…… It’s a horrible night, full screen with us being closed. I leave on a run, deliver, and when I get back it turns out I took the wrong order to the wrong person. They took the order, however, and didn’t say anything so I didn’t know. Driver comes in and this is what happened. I’m still shaking, this just happened. Me: “Oh don’t take that order it’s nothing ready yet” Him: *ignores me and looks at the manager* “What do I do, OP said we’re not delivering to this person” I will admit I said this a bit louder than I should of “That is not what I sad, I said…..” *he puts down his pizza back and gets 2 inches from my face, looking me dead in the eyes. I’m terrified, my PTSD is being triggered, I don’t move as he tells me with a lowered voice* “Shut the fuck up! If you say one more word I will strangle your little neck till you can’t breath anymore” Manager: *puts her hands in between us both, pushes us away from each other, then looks at me and yells at me* “OP, GO TO THE BACK OF THE STORE. I’ll deal with you in a moment” *im crying, I’m beyond stressed at the situation as this is happening again. As I’m heading out the back I yell through tears* “I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING” *I leave through the back door and just sit there, crying as I’m trying to calm down, but only cry more. The manager comes back to me and this is nearly word for word how this happens* Her: “I can’t believe you, get the hell off the floor. You’re not a baby, you are fine” *I get up and she continues* Now tell me exactly what happened. I want to hear it from you *Proceeds me trying to tell her, but she keeps interrupting me over and over and over again causing me to freak out even more* *This is when the store manager comes out and starts yelling at me as well* SM: Oh stop these tears. Let her speak M: Ya, I heard you say something about the order than you yelled at Tom that you didn’t OP: *im panting as I’m trying to explain this, yet they keep interrupting me despite her just telling me to tell my side. I keep trying to say what happened, yet they keep yelling at me until finally I explode* “I QUIT, I QUIT I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE I QUIT!!!!” M: Fine, whatever, get your stuff we’re done here *she smirks and walks into the store as the Store manager stays outside. I sit back on the ground, holding my head as I get a headache and I’m crying harder* SM: “Get off the floor and be a Man… women, Adult!” ((I’m a trans women)) “You listen to me you little shit. I won’t put up with this. This happened at the other store” ((I made a post about that in my page)) “And it’s the second time this has happened here. He is the senior driver. I don’t care if he did say he’d strangle you to death, he’s a senior driver and more important to me than you. You keep saying it’s your Autism (I have Asperger’s), it’s your PTSD, it’s your Bipolar crap. Well look at this, I’m yelling at you now and you’re calming down you little faker. Keep blaming others Me: “I wasn….” Her: YOU KEEP BLAMING OTHERS! BLAMING THESE DISORDERS YOU PROBABLY DON’T HAVE Me: “I was not bl……” Her: SHUT UP AND LISTEN YOU BABY. ACT LIKE AN ADULT!!! It doesn’t matter anyway, ya quit Me: Can I take that back? ((I’m a college student…… I need the money badly for things coming up)) Her: Then act like an adult and not a little baby. Come on, I’m sending you home Me: What about the other driver Her: Oh he’s staying, he’s my senior driver Me: But he threatened me with murder Her: What did I just say, be an adult and move on!”",3 "I have always had slow processing speed. If someone says something it takes me a minute to process what they said or I have ask them to repeat themselves. Sometimes I will just nod and say yes even though I didn’t understand what they said. I try combating the issue by mouth reading, but it isn’t a full proof solution. I also have communication issues. I have difficulty stringing a thought together and speaking in front of a class. I was a shy and reserved kid. Always worked hard but my processing speed was always slower. I constantly felt there was something wrong with me. Always in my head. Never liked reading books because I couldn’t process what I was reading. I constantly feel dumb and not like everyone else who has adhd. I have noticed the people with hyperactive adhd are usually intelligent. I see posts of people talking about how they have adhd and are intelligent but they never had that structure to prosper. It’s hard not to feel stupid and insecure about myself. Does anyone experience this? I was diagnosed with inattentive adhd.",0 "I can’t fucking do this I can’t fucking do this I can’t fucking do this I can’t fucking do this I tried and tried. I’ve washed almost 20 fucking loads already, ever single doing a load it hurts. Haven’t taken a shower in days. Slept on the fucking floor for almost 2 weeks. It takes me 5 hours to do one fucking load. I made countless posts the past few days and everyone is helpful but I just can’t. I just took an anxiety pill but I want to take more but too scared to take more because what I did in the past. I keep washing the same fucking loads over and over and over and over again. My 6 loads just turned into 20. And now the water bill will skyrocket because I can’t fucking think for shit. I want to do something but scared. I literally can’t take this shit anymore. I’mdone. I’m now in hell",1 "I struggle with the most basic things in life, I'm so sad everyone around me looks like it's getting somewhere in life and I can't even last more than 3 months in the same job, it's always the same story: get a job, ace the interview, everybody around me is glad I'm so hardworking and how I think outside the box and making things more efficient, I'm having a great time, then I learn the basics, then nothing is exciting anymore, then I get sick of it, I quit, look for a ""better job"" and the cycle repeats, now I've been unemployed for two months and I'm so scared that I will keep doing that and get to a point that nobody will want to give me a chance anymore. And this time that I've had for myself I didn't even do nothing, I got multiple unfinished projects and courses, I at least want to learn to draw and play the piano better in all this free time but I just sit on my ass thinking and jumping from topic to topic on youtube, I have a girlfriend that I see constantly and when she ask I just play it off as I'm being lazy and laugh, so she doesn't worry about me. I'm so scared about going to a doctor, what if I don't have anything? What if I do have something and get meds and I still can't get motivated to do anything?",0 "I'm sure a lot of you can relate. It's all I can do to give this trauma time. I'm aware it will ebb and flow in the future. I'm frustrated about my CURRENT symptoms. I'm non functional right now! I get much more frustrated when I'm told that I ""just need some time"". Especially by my T (who's amazing regardless). How do y'all get over the frustration that comes with this? How do you deal with accepting that stuff needs time but feeling ""stuck"" even as it passes?",3 "On phone and first ever post so forgive any typos or format issues. Also sorry as this is partial rant and partial need for help and understanding. Before and throughout the pandemic it has become apparent to us and our daughters doctors that she has ADHD and possible asperger's. We go for the last of the testing and diagnosis tomorrow actually. We have been seeing therapist and doctors for months now trying to get her the best help we can . My daughter-K- is about to turn 9. A lot of her symptoms and struggles we initially put down to being super girly and super sensitive so we are a lil late in the game,which I am constantly beating myself up for. She's very smart, such a clever lil thing and I love her more than I could ever explain to strangers on the internet. She struggles so hard with her emotions, we are also looking into mood distruptive disorders, we have worked on coping and calming techniques and there has been some progress, but this mama is so worried and heart broken watching the melt downs. I worry immensively about the future for my K, though best believe I will fight anyone for her and do anything to get her the help she needs. We do have a history of ASD in our family, my sister was unofficially diagnosed as a child, but my whole family ignored it basically and I have spent my whole life watching her struggle and helping her. I want to do better for my girl then our parents did, but it's all a bit overwhelming and some of it beyond my understanding. I just want to give her the best that I can, but I have no idea where to start.Besides therapist, support, and any possible meds (though I still am weary of them) what else can I do? What did you wish you had learned? What do you wish your parents had done or taught you? Something you wish someone had told you or perhaps not told you?",3 "I've never been able to accurately identify or articulate my emotions. I can sense general aspects about what I'm feeling by observing my own behavior, but putting a specific label on it other than ""I feel bad/good"" is difficult. With that said, I'm very obviously going through a difficult time. Without too much context, I live overseas on a soon-expiring visa. The application process is expensive, stressful, and not knowing where I'll live in a few weeks is slowly killing me. I can't work during this process, so I'm without structure or company almost constantly. The major issue is that I can't identify what I'm feeling SPECIFICALLY, so I'm unable to address/fix it. I wish I were able to say ""I feel bad because I'm TIRED"" so I could sleep. ""I feel bad because I'm LONELY"" so I could chat with someone. ""I feel bad because I'm ANXIOUS"" so I could do something relaxing. I simply can't identify what sucks. I'm unable to address a problem that is so elusive from my own thick skull.",3 "Hello! I was diagnosed last week, and I want to know if anyone here shares my experience :) When I was a kid, I was very sensitive to sounds. For example, the sound of fireworks / waves / etc would made me cry and panic. Now I can hear EVERYTHING (including electricity), and I can't filter the noise. I listen to all the sounds at once. However, it doesn't bother me (well tbh I'm not sure). When I go to noisy places, like the supermarket, I only dissociate and feel exhausted and stressed. As soon as I get home, I stim while listening to music because it helps me relax and feel better. That's why I always listen to loud music. I probably spend 10 hours a day listening to music. Otherwise, I will get very stressed. Is it possible that I can hear everything, but it doesn't cause distress anymore? Would I have breakdowns like the ones I used to have as a kid if, for any reason, I stop stimming or can't listen to music all the time? (Next year, I am going to college, and I don't think I would be able to listen to music all the time, so I'm worried I would have a meltdown) Or is it possible that my dissociation is a meltdown? Thank you for your help :)",3 "It seems that the autism community has to be always convincing people about this and that. It not just in a relationship, but with the environment around us. We like to think that we have the ability to successfully convince people, but unfortunately, people make ignorant choices. It's easy for us to be convinced as long they provided actual facts. For nts, we can provide the fact, no doubt about it, but its also factor in their personal bias.",3 What symptoms do you have when you start a depressed phase?,2 "I'll keep this short and sweet. I've had an a pretty traumatic year, I've developed some low level PTSD from something that happened while attended grad school about a year ago. It seems like I am more frequently getting into arguments with friends when I'm intoxicated. I've actually been really good about it lately, for the past month or two but I went back to my hometown for Thanksgiving and one of my buddies who stayed in our hometown seemed to have it out for me all night. We ended up arguing at the end of the night, which I'm so down on myself about right now. My friend is a great guy and just seems to be arguing with ppl all the time. I thought he had changed, but it seems like we are growing apart. I'm just really trying to take responsibility for my part of the argument, which I did by reaching out via phone and sent a sincere text. At the same time I am really kicking my own ass for even engaging in the argument. :( I'm just really sad about it and the depression is kicking my ass. Thanks for reading.",2 "https://www.reddit.com/r/thegooddoctor/comments/naqohz/does_the_show_ever_get_less_triggering_s2ep3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf I am a survivor of rape and physical abuse, have bipolar, depression, ocd, and autism, am AFAB, am transgender and bisexual. I’ve faced enough bigotry throughout my life through assault, harassment and family disapproval. I was excited to watch The Good Doctor because of the lead having autism, but as I describe in my post I linked, it tends to be triggering a lot of the time. People there downvoted me tons, probably because they don’t know the first thing about what it’s like to have ptsd or trauma from bigotry. So I’ll ask here instead: does The Good Doctor get less triggering?",3 I’ve had suicidal ideations since I was 15 and for about a year or two when I was 18 it got better and I thought things would just keep going up but something happened not completely sure if it was one big thing or a bunch of small things that kind of added up to it but all in all I’ve just repeated the cycle. I don’t know if I can change and I’m not sure at this point if I want to. I know it’ll hurt people if I do but I feel so detached from them already I don’t think they would be able to hold me back. I’ve been thinking about at least waiting until I’m 25 to move forward or not.,2 "i have my intake appointment at the neurofeedback office in my area on friday, and i’d like to see what everyone else’s experience was like.",3 "Me again with the morality/responsibility OCD, which I've barely been able to work on in any sort of therapeutic way lately due to how whacked out everything got with trying medications. I just can't drop stuff. I don't know how to. I just don't know how to let things go. My mom drives most of the time now because of my driving OCD, yet I still run into issues while *she's* driving. I saw a deer out my window. Stared at it as we went by, I rarely see deer even though we've moved to a place where they're more common. It lifted its head as we went past. ""It noticed you,"" disorder said. ""Now it's going to run into the road, because deer are nuts, and it's going to cause an accident. All because you stared at it."" Like... all I did was look at a deer. All I did was look at it. I didn't look behind us to see if anything happened, and it's likely nothing did, but. Holy shit. Just. Holy shit. I don't know how regular people live. I really don't know. At an arcade, mom and I each put a $20 in to get forty bucks worth of quarters, since we have to use quarters for laundry now where we moved. ""You're gonna run this place dry of quarters,"" disorder says. ""This is a business and they're relying on things going smoothly to pay their workers. You're fucking that up."" And then I end up with a fucking list of these types of issues in my phone, because I need to vent them to my mom or to my therapist or to SOMEONE. You know how long this list can get? It feels like drowning. It just gets longer and longer. I don't know how to beat this. I'm gonna try to call Harmony Bay Wellness in NJ this week and see if they have any openings anytime soon, since my current therapist is leaving in a few weeks anyway. Psych wants me to try Viibryd but it has to go through my insurance and I wonder if it'll be affordable. She also wants me to go back to the 5mg of paxil before switching, instead of the 10 that I'm on now. But when I reduce my paxil, that's when I run into problems... that's the whole fucking reason I agreed to a medication that I could switch right onto instead of having to cease the paxil first..",1 "18F, The thought of having undiagnosed ADHD has been ruminating in my head for quite some time. I don't know how to seek professional help at the moment without exposing myself to my parents. In retrospect, I feel like the symptoms really do correlate to my behaviour and academic performance since I was young. But, there's a part of me that feels uncertain and as if I was just making all this up in my head as an excuse for my laziness and procrastination. I would really love if someone could PM to talk about our ADHD experiences. Any advice in the comments is welcome too. Thanks, I just want some clarity.",0 More of a true off my chest post. It’s hard to wake up and feel lust and love for him again. I’ve had dreams every night since he left me. It’s been nearly 4 years. I hope this story has a happy ending.,3 " A lot of comments are probably going to suggest couples counseling or simply leaving if I can't accept him as he is. He has refused couples counseling, his therapist does not know about me because of his ocd (afraid of telling him), and we both believe no two people are perfect for each other; it's about learning to work with the other person's unique quirks and personality...however, I do think love cannot overcome incompatibility. I love stereotypically romantic gestures, and I used to do them all the time for my boyfriend; love notes, sappy texts, flowers, candlelit dinners, cooking for him, buying treats whenever I went shopping, baked him a birthday cake + thoughtful gifts, massages, accommodating preferences like eating in smaller bowls, helping him clean, etc. My boyfriend has a lot of anxiety around romance due to being hurt in the past. For example, for christmas last year I requested he write me a love letter on any piece of paper he could find since money was tight. I never got anything and kept silent. Six months later he tells me that he used to do that for an ex and his ocd won't let him do it again because the anxiety will forever exist as long as that piece of paper does that I will betray him and show it to others and break his heart like she did. He used to buy flowers and gifts for his exes but has never bought me anything for my birthday and holidays even when I got him presents. He can't buy things because the indecision of whether or not to spend money on anything is crippling for him. I've told him a nice text or two a week or compliments would make me feel so much more loved but he can't do it. How do we get past this? In addition to all the physical things, I often feel emotionally drained form supporting him and not receiving the same support in turn because he is mentally drained by his ocd. I'm crying as I'm typing this; I really want it to work but I feel I am turning into someone that is not myself. Edit: We also rarely have sex, maybe once a month. I am unsure if this is related to his ocd. Second edit: Not sure if this matters, but I am 22F and my partner is 28M. I am in college and he has graduated and is looking for a job. We've been together for almost two years.",1 "Hi, I’ve had HOCD for a year now. It’s severely impacting me and causing distress. This has also led me to of incest ocd. I am a girl and it’s making me think of being attracted to my own mother. With my mum being the closest thing to me alive as my best friend and wonderful mother, this disgusting illness is ruining everything. It already has ruined everything. Even if I get better I won’t ever be able to forgive myself. I won’t be able to see a therapist till about next month.... I hate myself. I wish I killed myself when I first had ocd. The pain is mainly in the place that I can’t tell if it’s ocd anymore. I used to hate the thoughts now I’m saying hey maybe you don’t?",1 "For years I’ve struggled making friends, but after finishing high school I have a small nice circle with some nice and caring friends. Now that I’m in college, I’ve had this mindset that I don’t feel like making new friends and I want to have a casual relationship with someone who I can relate to. I know that sounds bad but I’ve struggled so long just trying to make some friends but either I’m treated like garbage or just forgotten entirely. I don’t want to settle down since I’ve started to explore my Asperger’s more and live my life more freely. But now I just want someone who knows what it’s like to have this kind of disability and be able to connect with them. Does anyone else feel this way?",3 "Recently I started to think that when I turn 19, then all I ever did in my whole life was getting bullied, struggling with everything, getting used by people, living only in my dreams but never living my dreams and just living with a abusing family that adopted me, as I had to find out some time ago. So bassically in these 19 years, everything that ever happened was not worth it. So today, I told everyone that I don't want to celebrate my birthday, that I want to take this day as a normal day. But they don't care. They want to make a big thing out of it, because the ""love"" me. The last couple of days I've been strugglin with everything more and more, which lead to a knife being my best friend. Last night I didn't sleep because I wasted all the time with crying. Some time ago I also gave me up to this day for things to change, for me to get my shit together. But everything turned out even worse. Now, I kept the promise that I gave to myself. Now I feel like I can leave this place, but I am so scared. I always wanted to have a good life, to make it through all of this, but it just hurts to much. I had so many things that I hoped would happen today, but none of them are happening so far. Why does everything only keeps getting worse? I wish I just wanted to end all of this completly, then I would be able to just kill myself. I am sorry for writing all of this nonesense, but I just had to let it out.",2 "I was depressed but I came out of it but now I am strong still I don't know why situation becomes very critical for me that it literally breaks and torns me... I help stray dogs not because I love them or I get very emotional but because of very fact that they literally have no body in this world to help them in their tough times and even food is not available for them Hence I help them because I help every poor in their pain. I know that I do very little work. 2 stray dogs in our colony were treated as wild and every one try to scares them. But since last year I saw they were not getting food so I started to gave them food and they started to trust me but since they suffered a lot because of humans when they were small they are now become adult and don't trust humans but they do trust me but little. And because I help everyone despite my own bad conditions I started to feed and help dogs in my area Do their treatments and I got some experience of treating dogs ailments and wounds 3 months ago one of that poor dogs got a huge wound on back And I started to pour antiseptic and turmeric in it but as I feared It got maggots in it in very monsoons So I started to run behind that dog to remove maggots and apply cream I spent one month outside alone with dogs with one hand filled with food and other with medicines I fought all society, stayed with her at evening, mornings and even all nights till dawn whether it was raining or not I ram behind her, did everything like I used to give her food so that I can remove maggots and apply cream Even people in society didn't let me in society monsoons so I stayed outside society Even the injured dog didn't fully trusted me but I kept doing treatment I spent 12 hours outside home with them for 15 days And I used to go in night at 2 am so that everyone would be slept and I would treat her inside building secretly and then release her before dawn Wound was very big But I didn't gave up and only people helped me were my mom who gave me money , my brother who handled all house alone and also helped me every time and Universe who made all this possible and my vet who gave me cream and the man in dog food Shop Because of all Universe helped me Her wound healed completely and an infinite impossible thing became possible And because she is an experienced dog who runs from humans neither I was able to take her to vet and my home nor Any NGO was able to help This journey seems deep but I know that how it truly feels when you have to do everything to do an infinite impossible thing I came across so many many many heart wrenching experiences in this journey That I will try to emphasize in some lines It was like, ""I have to treat and heal a serious COVID patient in ICU and make him normal again ALONE""."" I have to do everything for him EVERYTHING, ALONE"" I am still shaking due to this experience And again 5 days ago I again saw a little wound with maggots started so I again started same This time wound was very small but her co operation was even reduced But fortunately due to god universe What I did to treat it came good and maggots were gone and it started to heal but now she doesn't even come close to me because she knows I would apply cream But since Wound is small and healing I don't apply cream anymore just give some tablet in food But again a very heart wrenching moment has come I live in this colony on rent and this entire colony is going for redevelopment and I have to leave this building in 2 months But I am very very very very deeply scared about future of these 2 poor strays because they avoid humans and don't trust them like a street dog does because they were treated very badly I am now very sad that how they will live in future Because they were not treated good they don't mix up with other dogs and live alone I am very stressed that will they get proper food? I don't want them to be again in pain (╥﹏╥) Already they have suffered a lot I am deeply scared Because if I move out of town I won't be able to come for them every day I deeply understand that Being alone in cruel world, without food and water wandering every where for help is so deeply painful All alone I have tried to write my experience short as possible sorry if it's big but the true experience I know will get days to convey (╯︵╰,) Thank you very very very very very much if read all of this And all I want you to do is pray for them and me Only Universe has solution on this Please pray for us 🙏 The photos of dogs are given in below link https://www.reddit.com/r/DOG/comments/quc1z8/my_poor_street_dogs_the_dog_is_healed_completely/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share",2 I was wondering how you feel about reactions of psychiatrists/docs when you tell them your trauma? I saw two different psychiatrists and one of them was really validating which was nice and the other was like very clinical and nonchalant. Like “this (insert terrible thing here) happened to me” and he was like ok then asks an unrelated question. Surprisingly I think the second was more helpful to my PTSD because it made me feel like ok maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal. But it was also kinda strange. Sorry if I’m not making any sense but was wondering how you find reactions from your psychiatrists.,3 "TLDR - at bottom. TW: Hospitals, illness, death, medical emergency First time posting here and feeling a bit out of sorts, so I apologize if this is all over the place. My Dad is my best friend. I’ve been diagnosed and treated for OCD and panic disorder with a psychologist a few years back, and up until last week I had been doing really great. A few years ago I was unable to step foot into a hospital, doctor’s office - I wasn’t even able to call my Doctor’s office for simple things like a PAP because it would trigger a panic attack. I had to get a family member to do it, and I’m in my twenties. I’ve done a lot of self-work through exposure therapy and obviously am not 100% cured (because well that just doesn’t happen), but I’ve been stable on medication and putting the work in. Fast forward to last week and my Dad, who I’m very close to, ended up really sick out of nowhere. Like literally within 24 hours. He ended up in the ER and was admitted to the ICU from there, and intubated on a ventilator. He was suffering from respiratory failure and had multiple clots in his lungs. He was also experiencing some serious heart issues. A week prior he was fine, it was horrific to see. Because of COVID rules he was only allowed 1 visitor per day in the ICU for only 2 hours. So with my family we had been rotating every 4 days. I was so proud of myself for being able to go in alone and spend my 2 hours with him last weekend. It was the worst thing I had ever seen to see him that way. After about 6 days on the ventilator, they weaned him off to see how he would do. His lungs improved from the steroids and he was moved to a ward one step down from the ICU. On his first full day out of the ICU it was my turn to visit. I arrived at about 2pm and was so happy to see him awake, albeit a bit confused and loopy from the drugs. He was in a lot of pain from his catheter (literally groaning, clenching etc.) and I was advocating like heck for him, even though his nurse was being very rude to us. For 3 hours they didn’t believe him/me when we expressed that we didn’t think his catheter was in properly. He ended up going down for a renal, ureter, bladder ultrasound around 5pm and I waited in his room. Sure enough, when he came back they said his catheter was NOT in properly and needed to be fixed. I noticed that he was very cold and clammy, but sweating A LOT. I was dabbing him with cool paper towels while we waited for assistance. At this point, he had to use the washroom (commode) so I gave him space while they closed the curtains and a different nurse assisted him. This is where it gets a bit blurry for me. He started to complain that he wasn’t feeling well, and he wanted to lie down. I was still standing at his door to give him privacy while they fixed his catheter. They removed it I think. His nurse then was able to get him some pain medication (hydromorphone) and took his blood pressure first. He didn’t end up having it, though. Some alarm started going off and she grabbed some other nurses to help get an IV line for fluid. I still wasn’t able to see my Dad but was standing a few feet away. At this point, the other nurses come in (total 3 I think) and were looking for a vein but couldn’t find one. They were saying he’s very cold, and then rushed to get an oxygen mask and flip him over I think. I didn’t know what was going on but I could tell something wasn’t right. I started shaking because I could sense their energy and urgency. Within seconds a nurse came out and told me they had to call for help to help my Dad. Within seconds sirens and lights were flashing outside his door and “CODE BLUE, CODE BLUE” with his floor and room number was being announced over and over again to the entire hospital. I was shaking and crying and felt like I was going to vomit. I had to get down to the ground. 15 or so doctors and nurses came running down the hall with machines, racing into his room. I remember being in the hallway watching them race past me like it was from a movie. I couldn’t stop shaking and crying. It was horrible. I made my way to a couch around the corner and someone helped me. Afterwards, a nurse came out to talk to me and tell me that he was okay but being moved to the ICU again. His BP had dropped to 45 and he was seconds away from… The rest is a blur but I later found out that a defibrillator was also used on him that night. (The day prior he also had a cardioversion). The rest of my family arrived and we waited until he was stable enough in the ICU to see him. He is going for emergency open heart surgery but I think he almost passed and I think I almost witnessed it. *I was told by the Critical Care Social Worker to reach out to my Doctor today to access counselling and fill him in, since I have a history of mental illness. I feel bad that I don’t want to waste anyone’s time. ** My brain keeps telling me that I’m over reacting, not being “tough enough” about it, need to “get over it”, there’s people that need more help than me and I will waste resources, and that I’m being “over dramatic”. I can’t get the images, the sounds, the feeling, seeing my Dad like that - being so sick, out of my head. It keeps playing over and over. Last night I was experiencing auditory hallucinations for the first time ever in bed. I don’t have a history of this. Every minute that goes by I’m scared something worse is going to happen. I almost can’t be near my phone because I’m so scared. He still has a long road of recovery. TLDR: I was with my Dad when the hospital had to make a “Code Blue”. I have a history of OCD/anxiety. My Dad got very sick out of nowhere and was intubated on a ventilator in the ICU. They released him and moved him down a ward. I was visiting him and was advocating for him due to the amount of pain he was in. He started not feeling well and the hospital had to make a Code Blue. I was outside his door and it was horrific. They saved his life. I’m struggling and my brain is telling me to “toughen up”. I was experiencing auditory hallucinations last night and the sounds and images keep playing in my head. I don’t know what’s going to happen to my Dad.",3 "This probably mostly applies to students since we have to do a ton of reading. Anyone else look at how much you have to read and the font size before actually starting in order to mentally prepare yourself for it? And then identify the pages you won’t have to read (e.g. pages with primarily images) to make yourself feel a little better? Because same. This is one thing that makes a lot more sense to me now that I’ve recently been diagnosed. I’ve always wanted to be someone who enjoys reading but I don’t hold interest in long-winded texts too easily.",0 "Yesterday I was (finally) diagnosed with ADD. For one of those tests I should do a task, like connecting numbers with a pen, as fast as possible. Which was so weird because in the moment I saw the competition - hyperfocus mode was on! So I was too concentrated for the task to prove that I have problems focussing. Anyway I got the chance to try meds. So beside this story that I just wanted to share, here my question: What are your best ways to use the challenge-mode of your brain to help you get through life? I‘d love to hear about it.",0 "Annnnddd I’m still weird AF INFJ the RAREST personality type. Anyone else just like dear god do I ever fit anywhere? Just a rant. I’m like not surprised with these answers I’m just annoyed! More mystery. More rare. More “weird”. More non explanation. Just what does it even feel like for a day to be NT?",0 "I just found this article about the transition from small talk to meaningful talk, maybe you guys find it useful. https://getpocket.com/explore/item/how-to-turn-small-talk-into-smart-conversation",3 "Sorry if something similar was already posed I just don't know what to do anymore. I am so tired of the isolation, I've lived in it for my entire life. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm so lonely. It has gotten to the point where it is making me suicidal. I have tried to accept that one way or another I will always be this way, but the feeling is just too overwhelming, that it's hard to accept. I have tried so hard irl and online to make friends but it just never seems to work out, and I don't understand why. What am I doing wrong? What is wrong with me? Irl I have only made like 3 friends, but that ended a long time ago. I've made a few online, but they usually never last. Luckily I do still have one, and we're pretty close, at least I think. But I'm terrified one day I'm going to mess something up. And I hate to sound so selfish and needy but sometimes it's just not enough. I know how fucking pathetic this sounds…. I have tried to make do with being alone, and whenever I feel like this I would just chat online with random people, but the shallow connections make me feel worse. It's like a double edged sword. I don't know how to deal with this void, with or without people. I am alone, and I always will be. How do you all deal with this??",3 "I don't like the name change as there is a big difference between low functioning Autism and high functioning Autism/Asperger's, if you do or don't like the name change I am curious as to why.",3 "My daily attempt to Help, Inspire and Motivate those living with PTSD. Happy Valentines Day, hope you're doing well, take care! [https://youtu.be/A-NiYUzlx7o](https://youtu.be/A-NiYUzlx7o)",3 "Hi... I don't know if Im suffering from PTSD, The past 2 years I've been pregnant. Yes.. 2019 October I had a pre mature baby girl who passed away after a week of complications and fell pregnant soon after in December. Carried my son for full term an lost him due to negligence of the doc. I haven't fully griefed my daughter and losing my son I feel so much more of a loss in terms of I new him longer so the loss is more in tense. I cried alot the first week. Then I was ""fine"" doing daily tasks, work, sewing, even went to an engagement. This month I've been angry, getting upset with my husband for not spending enough time with me when, he is.. Crying more, having more bad days then usual. Can't function.. Today I couldn't get out of bed. I don't like snapping and being clingy or overeating to my little tenrums but I don't know why I get this way... If any one out there has been through similar situations please let me know how you copping or handled it. Thank you",3 "I'm a stay at home mom so I'm home all day , and because of that I see the mess throughout the whole house every single day and it's so exhausting just thinking of all the things that need to be done. But I've found that the only room that doesn't overwhelm me is the kitchen. I feel like it's because everything has a place that it belongs in, I actually love cleaning but organizing is a different story I hate having to find a place for things. The kitchen is my safe place I feel like I'm able to be a normal adult.",0 "**Who I am**: Hello! My name is Vanessa Vela. My email is [vanessa.vela@uky.edu](mailto:vanessa.vela@uky.edu) if you'd like to reach out to me. **Affiliation**: I’m a Marriage and Family Therapy graduate student from the University of Kentucky (Master's thesis). **Supervisor**: Dr. Jason Hans, JHans@uky.edu **Target group**: TW - male sexual assault survivors currently enrolled in college in the U.S and PTSD sufferers **Compensation**: N/A **Link**: [https://uky.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_1H3LNPVP1cFpS8l](https://uky.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_1H3LNPVP1cFpS8l) **Background**: I’m currently studying male survivors of sexual assault currently enrolled in college and interested in providing agencies, mental health professionals, law enforcement, and medical professionals with the proper resources and support needed in order to help male survivors. I was wondering if I could post on your Reddit thread about my study and interview anonymous participants about their experiences. Please note: I will not be asking survivors about their assault, but their opinion on rape crisis centers they've come across (if any) and what they believe can best help them. Any male survivor attending any college or university in the U.S. is welcome. All interviews will be phone interviews and recorded for transcription. Any identifying information will be removed and kept confidential. Interviews could be less than 30 minutes. I’m happy to answer any questions and I also can send my IRB approved protocol if you wish to have a look! I’m looking forward to hearing from you! **Link to results**: TBD, but can share on my reddit profile.",3 "I've never learned any coping skills for the trauma I've experienced. Anytime something comes up, I just shut down. I don't even address it. Well this morning I was sexually assaulted again. This hasn't happened to me for a long time and I'm in crisis. The worst part is that it was my boyfriend. We were BOTH asleep and he was touching me... He wasn't aware off what was happening whatsoever and this is not something that he does. He's not this kind of person, so it hurts even more. I was having nightmares as this occurred so I couldn't stop him early enough... He's completely broken up about the situation as well because he is also a survivor of sexual assault/rape and understands my pain. This is a major setback in what little progress I've made and I'm having such a hard time with it. I still have to go to work today and its been incredibly quiet due to the lockdown... Which just leaves me to my thoughts. What do I do?",3 Based on how you look like(facial expression/body language) or how you react when others offend you...?,3 "**trigger warning: death** About 3 years ago now I saw someone take a heart attack and drop dead. I saw him get CPR and they decided to stop and then take him I to the ambulance. I now keep getting more intrusive thoughts of dead bodies and his dead body but as if its decaying. Like what it may look like now. I sometimes have nightmares of people dying. I've always been very sensitive towards death and knew that if I were to ever witness it it would fuck me up. Does this sound like an indicator of PTSD to you guys?! I'm not looking for a diagnosis here just a rough indicator from people who have been diagnosed with it.",3 "Hey all, this is a 2 in 1 question. ​ TL;LDR: I have ADHD and Anxiety. I can't relax or take a break without feeling guilty. Still trying to figure out when the medication wears off and how do I stop myself from mindless scrolling/gaming. ​ Background: I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and GAD. I'm on Vyvanse to help with focus and getting all my work done. (So far it's been pretty great and I managed to boost my productivity with uni assignments.) ​ But I struggle a lot with trying to relax during breaks and when my medication wears off. This issue existed before I was diagnosed. I always want to work unless I'm absolutely tired. I need to take breaks for the sake of my physical and mental health, but I feel extremely guilty if I do so. (With/without medication) ​ Does anyone have any tips or suggestions? Thanks!",0 "Was watching a video on youtube completely unrelated to ADHD (well maybe not 100%) and then one of the panelists says [this](https://youtu.be/LlyZl33Chz8?t=1507). Exactly what I'm going through right now at this moment I don't think this applies just to conservation psychology. I'm very curious to find if this sort of information can be directly linked back to ADHD psychology. She talking about climate change and maybe why we're not taking action fast enough but I can totally relate to this in my current situation. *""But the other thing is from conservation psychology, we know, and this is data, we know that when you feel—when you are faced with something that is challenging you and you feel maybe* *guilty or shame because you feel responsible for it, a little touch of guilt might put you into action and you can do something about it. And so it’s healthy.* *But when the situation is kind of overwhelming and if this situation is not overwhelming yet don't worry it will become even more overwhelming as the time goes by if we don't do anything about it. And so the guilt and the shame becomes so gigantic, the weight of it pretty much immobilize you.* *So guilt and shame will freeze you into the spot where you are, and this is kind of what we’ve been doing. Like we have been making the effort of moving forward, but it seems like we’re not.* *And maybe we’re frozen because we’re looking at the situation as like, you see, we are the bad people doing all these terrible things, which partly we are. But also, and I guess it returns for me to empathy, is like the key is in realizing that we are not alone.""* As I lay here on my bed with less than 8 hours before work and haven't eaten a solid meal in the past two days with an apartment completely in ruins, I'm still undiagnosed but I feel like going to my doctor and telling her I'm can't handle it anymore and that I need to checkout of work for awhile I don't know how that situation will go down but I feel like I'm nearing my wits' end here if I'm not able to hold my shit together. Didn't know what flair to use...",0 I just wanted to say thank you to you all. Reading all your posts has made me a better parent to my step son. This group has helped me understand him and be more patient. Just wanted to say this group is awesome!!,3 "The past few years have been rough and I have found myself thinking about suicide quite often, on and off. The thoughts have evolved over time, at first it was day dreaming about the method, but I seem to have settled on that. Then it was people's reactions. And these days it's about leaving a note; i.e., would it better to leave one or not or I day dream about what I would write and to whom. When I catch myself with these thoghts I try to dismiss them, drive them out or think about something else. But over the past few years the thoughts have accumulated and settled. With the 'leaving a suicide note' thoughts, I had to reach out and ask. Am I just daydreaming or am I rationalizing myself towards a dangerous path? What's the difference between ideation and action?",2 "I have intrusive thoughts about pretty disgusting things and my main fear is that I like them, want to do them, or am not disgusted by them at all like normal people are. How does ERP help for this? My exposure task is to babysit and not ruminate about how I feel about the child or doing bad things to him, but how does this help? If I stop ruminating about if I want to hurt him, I still could hurt him. I just wouldn’t worry about it. I’m just kind of confused as to how this is meant to help me when I think my thoughts are true.",1 "I love my best friend but I find myself always talking about sad things because I'm always going through a lot and I feel worthless. Hee such a great guy and I'm a peice of shit whos had a life full of trauma assaults and panic attacks. I can't even leave my room, my days are horrible and it just seems like everything he brings up sadens me because that category will be going bad for me. We used to talk everyday and we still do but I can tell his tone with me has changed, I have dyslexia so I find it hard to shorten my sentences when I have an emotion I'm talking about. He says i need therapy, I agree. I hate myself and I hate myself the most for being a burden, I want to lie about my days but idek how to do that because I'm not a good writer, when did I become so unpleasant? Why don't I know how to talk to him anymore, maybe there is something wrong with me. I wish he'd just leave me so I can't burden him again. He says he won't but everyone does...",3 "Before i had OCD I was never overly problematic with confrontation, even at times probably more confrontational than was needed. Now days I try to avoid confrontation because afterwards I tend to ruminate on what happened, trying to review to be sure what i did was reasonable and not over the top or whether i had a valid reason to argue. Can anyone relate?",1 "Hello, I need some help. I just keep thinking that I’m never going to find love and never going to be successful. I also don’t feel safe at school because our campus police officer is overweight, so in the event of a 🔫 on campus we are kinda screwed. All of this is making me pretty suicidal and I’m only in middle school. Help.",2 "I’ve had ocd for a long time. In the form of general ocd, religious ocd, ZOCD, HOCD, and now POCD. The thing is since my religious ocd I’ve had these HORRIBLE compulsions of feeling the anxious urge to search up the things I don’t want to/am most scared of. It’s like if I don’t do it I’m scared my anxiety will get worse and I feel like I just have to do it to make the anxiety temporarily go away so I feel like I have to get it over with. I don't want to but I can feel a build up of anxiety and feel that doing so would be the release for it even though I know it's not. Examples: when I had religious ocd there was a specific topic I was scared of called the dark night of the soul, I feared god would do something horrible to me. Basically whenever there was any sort of search bar I got the compulsion to type that in even though I desperately did t want to see it and feared it and knew it would make my anxiety worse. During my POCD I had the compulsion to search up stories and experiences of pedophiles to make sure I differed from them, and within that compulsion after hearing pedophiles talk about “shota” as it’s called, I feared if I ever saw that I would turn into a prod somehow so ingot the compulsion to search up “shota” because I feared I would become attracted to children and felt I HAD to search it to make sure I wasn’t. Like to get certainty that I was disgusted, which I very much was disgusted. When I had HOCD I had the compulsion to look up gay porn and lesbian fanfictions and stuff even though I didn’t want to I feel like I have no control, like i have to. Does anyone else have these kinds of compulsions? I feel so alone, it’s like I lose control of myself and become a slave to the ocd, I have to do the compulsion, hoping it’ll make me feel better, but it always makes me worse.",1 "Hello, a bunch of sensory toys were donated by accident and now I need to get some more and replace them. Does anyone know where I can find cheap sensory toys? I mean like a dollar cheap not pack of 5 for 21.99",3 "Imagine living in a country like Italy where is hard to find people that are closed off are really rare (Idk how the situation is in other countries), everyone in my hs class that has more than 25 students in is open off except me since I'm asperger, I always found them talking with everyone (I can imagine outside my country also a lot of people that are open off but I can also imagine in an hs class of like 30 people there are at least 2 NTs that are closed off). Black humor here is really widespread, I can understand jokes but I think someone with autism would suffer also due to that. When I was a kid I used bullied to be bullied a lot here (I don't stim but I got meltdowns crying in the past). People here are known to be really loud, I don't have sensory issues but if there's an autistic person s/he would struggle a lot in this country. Which country should I move to in the future?",3 "TW: weight related things, numbers Ever since coming back from the mental hospital, I’ve been eating way too much. Way too many unhealthy things because they’ve conditioned me to eat all three meals a day and snacks. A lot of snacks were high in cals and unhealthy. I became even more depressed on top of that after coming out of the hospital. My waist used to be 29, my high hips 37 and hips 38 and my bust was 34. Currently my bust is 35, my waist is 31, my hips are 40, my high hips are still 37. For height reference, I am 5’0 and 1/2. I’m now considered overweight. I haven’t ate breakfast in a long time nor do I eat lunch so I starve for most of the day so once I go home, I eat a lot because I wasn’t used to starving myself in the hospital and now I’ve been gaining weight rapidly ever since. I’m supposedly an extra large in pants even though my old pants fit me just fine. I just eat and keep on eating even if I do eat lunch. I eat apples for lunch usually. Sometimes when I come home, there’s no food in sight so I binge and eat whatever I can. My depression has been really bad as well, even when I limit my food intake I still gain weight. If I’m being honest, it has emotionally taken a toll on me. I’ve been crying every single day multiple times. My parents tell me to just exercise as if I have the motivation for it. I can’t even shower. I just want to starve myself. I was motivated to buy some be clothes only to see that I’ve gained even more. I’ve never felt so ugly in my 17 years of living. I hate this damn disorder as it has taken up every aspect of my life and well being.",2 "I was diagnosed with ADHD from a very young age and was only medicated for it in elementary school, my mother took me off of the medication (I believe it was Ritalin) due to it increasing my heart rate to above normal amounts (or something like that) Ever since my academics have been extremely poor and I was constantly berated for my poor performance due to me being lazy and unmotivated. I gave up eventually and believed it, as my mom told me that my ADHD wasn't exactly ""severe"" and that it ""wore off on me"". Only now have I been researching it and I came to the realization that the reason I do so poorly in school is because of my untreated ADHD and the effects of depression it's brought alongside with. Because of all of this, a less than ideal relationship with my parents growing up and other factors I now have GPA in highschool of 2.1 in my senior year and I am extremely introverted and depressed. I really want to get medication but my mom takes a negative approach to it and doesn't think it's serious and I feel alone in this regard. I don't know what to do",0 "Whenever someone is talking to me I feel like I exist on a whole different planet, like I am an alien race. People can’t relate to me, and I can’t relate to them, like there is an invisible barrier separating us, or that we speak entirely different languages. There really isn’t any ‘common ground’ between me and anyone else. Paradoxically, I think I’d feel a lot less lonely if I could avoid being around other people. Only when someone is talking to me do I ever really feel lonely. And much to my displeasure, NTs love to talk... ...but I have nothing to say. EDIT: Wow, I didn’t think this would resonate with so many of you.",3 "Eventhough i recognize that i don't have the biggest problems in my life i need to say this... i'm completely lost lately... Since i was a kid i have been marginated by the people of my age just because i was fat and someway smarter (yep that´s was me the little jeremy in every classroom...), but when i dropped off from school and i started the university my situation grew harder.. my elder brother was killed in a car accident and even after all this years we never got justice for his loss ( i even thought for while to make justice for my own) but a friend saved me from wasting my life. This girl was my best friend for almost five years and jokes on me... i fell for her, she was the only one who sincerely cared about me whithout any second intentions ( my other so called friends were more like parasites).. but as you can guess she never loved me the way i did. I tried to sustain her presence in my life with all my strenght but 2 years after my brother died (we split due to university) she did fall in love... but with somebody else. One night she told me we should not be judgmental with other people ( like get a girldfriend and do not complain) but she forgot that people does exactly that with me, anyway that was the last time i saw her... i did run away that night from her house.. In 2021 i recovered a little my entusiasm and i improved my grades at university ( i was doing awful after being considered a genius at school) but when everything was doing great life decided to knock me out again... i saved money for a car and i bought a second handed one, at first it looked great but 2 weeks after it started to fail again and again and again.. i´m responsable for this... i know... but my parents decided to help me but this piece of shit is wicked it seems... in the end i know that they are dissapointed as i am but also i know they are dissapointed of me... the kid they put all they hopes and dreams on, the man with the brilliant future but that´s it... future... a promise and i can no longer live on a hypothesis anymore, im dying for a little succes after all this years withdstanding this shit. i have worked harder than the most of my colleagues but as long as i don´t have mountains of money or an important last name it seems that success is restricted to me... you may be thinking at this point what does this have to do with the title... well i have found some peace by singing grunge, some people say that im good but i tend to destroy myself finding mistakes... perhaps i will end like most grunge singers... either being a broken hero or taking a train that will lead me far far away.. iykwim. sorry for the testament and thx for reading it.",2 "48m and finally met with an ADHD specialist. Though I managed to spend the money I had for the appointment the meeting still went forward with no talk of pay now talk later! Also they are calling in my prescription today and I'll be on a better road tomorrow! Thanks to all you ADHDrs on this sub for the support and information given here! Lol, i'm telling Reddit how my appointment went before I tell my GF (who has been awesome at understanding me and adhd and gently encouraging me to find help)! Whoo Hooo!!!",0 "**disclaimer: I’m not bothered by this, I just think it’s a funny thing my brain does** every now and then I’ll have an intrusive thought that’s extra intrusive, then start mentally checking whether or not it “sticks” in my brain… because surely, if I really had OCD, that thought would be something I get distressed by, ruminate over, and have to try and deal with. right? /s yeah buddy that’s mental compulsions and obsessive thinking—just about how intrusive the thought was instead of about the thought itself. congratulations you still have OCD 👍",1 "i applied to a technical college to study programming, and I'm struggling heaps with it. I struggle with ADLs like showering and eating properly. I struggle with everything. I struggle to get out of bed every day. I feel like such a failure.",3 "Hello hope you are all well, Its been awhile since I posted here... I was actually doing pretty good before the lockdown started... now not so much. My way of “coping” was to always be working/staying busy/distracted but its been hard to do lately. I’m really trying to keep it together but some days I feel so hopeless. Anyways, I hope everyone here is doing okay. I know this has been a stressful time for EVERYONE, what has been helping you lately?",3 "For sending it to friends, co workers, etc. They have never heard about autism SPECTRUM and when I say I'm autistic they obviously disagree. Is there some article/blog post/quick read online that can explain what they need to know? I find it very hard to put my thoughts into words. It would be good if it mentioned how we may look near to normal, and other stuff high functioning folks experience. Thank you for sharing <3",3 "im (21f) having a rough time atm, and I want to let my friends know. I don’t really know how to do this without making them feel like the responsibility to make me better is on their shoulders? I live with the people I want to tell.",2 "Any advice on dealing with homicidal/ suicidal thoughts resulting from trauma. My mind keeps wandering to these violent thoughts and i don’t know where to go for support, I don’t want to be hospitalized",3 "Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, I am meeting with a Psychologist tomorrow regarding depression and possible ADD (I know it’s not called that anymore). Even though I am 20, I got curious so I searched up the “symptoms” for ADD and it’s a spot on match, and it’s not like I only recently found examples of them, but I have examples from my entire childhood, in regards to school etc etc. Any tips or does anyone wanna tell me what I can expect during the meeting?",0 "One of my special interests is frogs. It has been for a long time and I have 3 pet frogs. There’s a YouTube video I watch over and over again about a specific type of frog. It never gets old to me. Does anybody else do this? Idk why, but my brain finds endless serotonin with it.",3 "I spent years with ""pretend friends"" because no living humans liked me. Later, still not liked or loved, I gave ""lectures"" showing people my various expert opinions. I will be 62 years soon. I have never had a date. Never had a love. I have had sex. Rape at 13 years old.Rape at 18. Unwanted sex with a person for severa months because I thought that was what was necessary. Rape at 30. And then I quit with believing that it was even possible. People are liars and I think that people like us get the point. At my age now I believe that I am a ""gray"" (look it up) and was never interested in sex. I was raped at a young age because I was a very tall girl and looked much older, and after that was seen as a ""dike"" so called lesbian. -- heck, I would say that I am tender hearted and love people but the way I was put in a bucket that I did not belong in early on was absolutely crazy. Who here can talk about Aspergers and rape. Not necessarily young female/older man.",3 "Basically, I have false memory OCD in this case. I saw a disgusting image 2 years ago and my brain tells me I maybe masturbated to said image. Since I can't remember it I feel like I should look at it again. When I look at something directly my memories tend to come back even if they are older. However, I tried this already and have no clear answer. Should I do it again?",1 "I was wondering if anybody had some good grounding techniques that they could share, because I’ve noticed myself starting to dissociate recently (especially at work) when I feel overwhelmed. Is there anything you do that really seems to work/help?",3 "I had finally talked to my doctor about how I was feeling and was able to get a prescription. At first I was so excited because I thought I was finally going to get better. But then I held the tiny pill in my hand this morning and I was so scared. I thought, is this something I really wanna be dependent on for the rest of my life? Is it even gonna work? I’ve taken one pill and so far I’m trying to figure out if I feel different even though I know it can take a month or 2 to kick in but I overthink everything. I guess only time will tell. Stay healthy friends.",2 "When I was a kid (7-8) there was a large earthquake in my country. It triggered a landslide that buried alive a lot of people we knew, people and pets I grew up around. Right after the earthquake happened and we noticed the top of the mountain was missing, my dad ran up to the landslide site with my sister and I in hand so he could help dig out survivors. We lived a few blocks down. I heard and and saw many things then and after. We slept outside, on the bed of a pickup truck in case aftershocks got bad. We went to survivor camps looking for someone we might recognize and didn't find anyone. I still shake thinking about it -- my jaw's clenched right now. Sometimes a truck passes by or my heart beats too hard and I think it's an earthquake. Someone moves their legs near me, or shakes something and my heart stops. It's been so long, why am I still afraid? Not to mention I now live in California so when there's actual earthquakes I cannot breathe, I cry and shake. How long does a ghost like that haunt you? I feel silly and like I should be over it since I'm in my 20s now. How common is it to have this as a result of natural disasters?",3 "I recently downloaded tik tok and camw across something called “adhd attacks”. from what I can tell, this isn’t a medical term, and I keep finding videos like [this](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM8VerrDW/). look, I’ve been diagnosed since the age of seven and have quite a few friends with adhd, and I’ve never heard of anything like this. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but is this really a thing?",0 My friend and I got robbed at gunpoint today. I feel so numb and out of it is this normal?,3 "I absolutely hate being alive and all the responsiblities that come with it, but no matter how tired I am, no matter how badly I want to end it all, just thinking about her laughing will make me get out of bed every morning. Some people are just magical without even trying. I've had a few crushes since my depression began, but this girl is something else. I can't explain it but she's all I've ever wanted, in every aspect imaginable. And it hurts like fuck to know I can't have her",2 "I was recently diagnosed (36F) and started on 10mg of Adderall - starting on a low dose, may need to go up. I have zero side effects other than feeling a tiny bit fuzzy headed. Since I’m new to the drug my GP prescribed the rapid-release kind so I really only get 3-4 hours out of it - already sent her a message to discuss. But I keep falling down the internet rabbit hole lol. My GP said it’s not addictive in that there’s no withdrawal and building tolerance really isn’t an issue. Both those things seem…wrong and I’m finding all these warnings about it being addictive and people abusing it and I don’t want either. I’m scared because I can’t kick a caffeine habit and I’m supposed to not get addicted to this stuff? I already love how calm and focused it makes me so although the plan is to not take it on weekends/holidays/vacations, I’ll still be taking it 5-6 days a week (sometimes work on saturdays). Can any long-time users reassure me or are my fears very real and addiction is a problem with this drug?",0 Ive never been this close to death than I was this week. I am extremely lucky to be alive. For past 2 weeks I have been extremely depressed and stressed and nearly killed my self but I took a walk instead. I went to the hospital Wensday after having red spots all over my body and was told that my immune system was killing all my platelets and I literally had none left. Any type of bleeding interally and I could of died or been extremely injured. I honestly don't have a question or anything I just wanted to get this off my chest,2 Just wondering...Sorry if this is a dumb question... Does PTSD adds stress to a dating relationship? Can it lead to a break up?,3 "He seemed really sweet, however the tics became the elephant in the room. Should I adress it? What should I say in that case? Don’t want him to feel bad.",1 "Hi everyone, I just got (officially) diagnosed for inattentive-type ADHD and given a prescription for Methylphenidat (Ritalin), starting with 10g a day and then increase dosage weekly if needed (to 40 max). I'm new to this so really don't know what to expect -please help me explore by sharing your experiences, I'd love to learn more. I'm not a short fused individual but more like the daydream, can't keep a conversation straight or finish a task and hard to coordinate type of guy.",0 "I don’t know if it’s possible to ban words on this sub but it really needs a warning about reassurance seeking here. Does anyone else this, is this normal, is this ocd, etc.. if you find yourself asking this and researching it repetitively you are engaging in a compulsion and it will only make the fear stronger. You are seeking certainty. I heard in the NOCD app the forums regulate those questions a lot so it is much less enabling than reddit. Anyways. Maybe everyone else does what you do, maybe you are the only one. Maybe you are normal, maybe not. Accept it and sit with it. To clarify its OKAY to ask questions but the key word is REPEATEDLY. If you find yourself repeatedly searching for the answer, repeatedly asking despite already recieving answers, it is likely compulsive. Many people are missing this^^ this is in no way an attack on normal, non-repetitive DAE questions",1 I can’t take this shit anymore. I can’t do this. I’m getting closer and closer to just going off the deep end and never ever fucking coming back again. I’m just gonna end my suffering and the suffering of those around me by taking out the source. Myself,1 "Like 20 years old hoarded toys from my childhood cuz I might use it for my future kids that I thought I'd be mature enough to have by now. Also did anyone else go through so many things, accomish so many things just to end up in the same spot. 10 years later but more confused",3 "Twice now, my ex has managed to find out where I live (I've moved a few times). He sent me a package in the mail and I'm scared he'll come hundreds of miles to my house. I'm terrified. I don't know what to do. Any advice? EDIT: Thank you guys for your advice. I have a gun on me and I'm going to keep it loaded at all times. Last time he had my address, he never showed up. So I don't know if he'll make an exception this time or what. But at least I have the protection, and I will be going for my conceal carry license. I will also be getting some pepper spray. And the door will stay deadbolted at all times. I WOULD get a dog, but we already have one that freaks out when the doorbell is rung. She's not my dog, she's my roommate's. But she's very non-aggressive otherwise. As for a police report and restraining order, I am looking into doing that as well. Again, thank you guys. ❤",3 "I hope whenever I see my new therapist I can ask this question, but till then I’ll ask the masses. Whenever your OCD is making you obsess and worry about something, do you start to notice things that seem to “confirm” your worries? Example: lately, I’m worried about my mother dying. Like genuinely sick to my stomach worried. My mom is perfectly healthy, but my brain can’t see that. And I’m starting to notice more ambulances, talk of death, shows talking about a family member dying. Anytime I hear an ambulance siren, I tense up and have to message my mother or run to her room. And in my head now, I think “oh my god. I keep noticing it. It’s signs. It’s signs from the universe or god. She’s going to die, because these things are everywhere now.” Does anyone else experience this? Is it even an OCD thing? I’m just lost, I think.",1 "I am not clinically depressed but I do suspect that I might have had/having depression since I was a teen (I'm in my late twenties now) and only got better after I met my partner 2-3years back. I'd been holding back to seek help professionally due to financial constraints and the fact that I'd been getting better (suicidal thoughts are no longer frequent and I can get on with daily life tasks on most days). however, as some of you may know, it gets very draining on the person caring for someone with depression and I think that's what's happening now - my partner, who is a great bf and shows me what it's like to be loved unconditionally, is getting tired dealing with me. he used to be confident that we have a future together but he is no longer confident now, although he is not gonna give up on us (yet). I know this because we had a truthful talk. I, too, think that I am very hard to handle and deal with and I have problems controlling my emotions; so my partner wished for me to be able to control myself better as I may have random infrequent outbursts at times (which inflicts physical pain to myself and sometimes him when he is trying to stop me). I tried explaining to him how depression is a mental disorder, where therapy and medication is required, and that it is NOT a choice or decision where I can stop myself from overthinking or feeling depressed. he thinks that I am ""weak"" and can be ""stronger""/strong-willed by telling me things about myself that I already know. but it hurts me to hear it from him, no matter how small/insignificant the things he said about me; on bad days I'd get really triggered and that's when I have my outburts/breakdown. he said that it was a habit for him to ""joke"" around with people he's comfortable with, and he hopes that I would get ""immune"" to it and therefore, getting ""stronger"" mentally. I told him I do not see his comments as jokes and I deem it as very unnecessary as it hurts me, but he said I have to get through this hurdle to truely accept myself. I love him and don't wish to lose him, how do I get him to understand what depression or any mental illness is like? TLDR: my partner does not understand depression/mental illnesses and thinks that people are in control of their own emotions/mind. for example, he tends to ask me to stop overthinking, or stop getting affected by insignificant things he said about me which hurts me.",2 "I love dancing, but I've always been terrible at it. Every attempt at teaching me even basic steps of different dancing styles has failed miserably. One of the main issues is that I struggle with sequences of movements and counting steps! I suffer from dyspraxia on top if ADHD, so it might be that. I always feel stiff, awkward and self conscious when I dance around other people but even when I'm alone in front of a mirror. Does anybody have the same issue and managed to find a way around it? I'm 25 and I feel like I've never truly been able to express myself through dancing or just genuinely enjoy a night out at a club with my friends because of this!",0 "I have tried three different medications for my ADHD-C, and I have found Vyvanse to be by far the most effective for my own ADHD. However, my insurance will not cover it, (I have Bluecross insurance in B-C) and the reasoning is due to my ADHD being a “pre-existing condition” and the out of pocket cost is excruciatingly high so there’s no way I’ll just pay for it. So now I am stuck on Concerta until I find an insurance company willing to cover Vyvanse. Any help would be greatly appreciated!",0 "Do you guys also experience constant switching/dropping of different things you’re interested in? For example, a few days ago I was really looking forward to learning new languages again because it was a big passion of mine a few years ago and it’s been kinda on and off since then but I quickly became disinterested in it after 3~ days of learning and now I’m really enthusiastic about working out and becoming stronger physically yet I know that I’ll probably drop this interest for something else as well. I just can’t seem to keep an interest in things which leads me to have many hobbies that I’m not good at because I drop them before I can practice on them properly and become any good at them. Is this an ADHD thing and if yes do you guys also experience it? How do you deal with it? It’s so hard to constantly juggle between things knowing that inevitably you will drop them anyway",0 "Paranoid about your safety, or someone else’s safety, about your health, about what “could” happen, etc. I would say there is no compulsive part to this unless you count preparing oneself to prevent these situations. Does anyone else with OCD often find themselves paranoid?",1 "In England, the lockdown rules are being lifted gradually, with changes to the rules happening every 5 weeks. It's causing me a lot of stress. As an example... My main hobby (obsession) is Muay Thai but the gym had to close in December so there's been no classes since then - obviously a massive change to my schedule. It's reopening next week when indoor classes are allowed again. It's the same covid-safe setup we had when we were allowed to do it last year - so 8 heavy bags and 8 to a class, as opposed to partner work and 30+ people per class. So now I've got to adapt my schedule to accommodate at least two evenings of classes. I want to do more but as they can't run memberships anymore I can't afford to keep paying per class. So ok, no problem, I can book two evenings per week and that's my new schedule. But after 5 weeks we may be allowed to train like we used to, with larger classes, pad work with partners, clinch work etc. Which would mean a completely different schedule again, with classes on different days to the ones about to start up next week. But it's uncertain - they haven't decided anything yet, so there's still a lot of unknowns. Add into this the lifting of social restrictions... so trying to maintain friendships, go out, having people change plans all the time... argh. I feel like such a fool for being stressed over this but yeah, aspergers. I hope some of you can relate. I'm finding it all so paralysing I can't work or do anything productive.",3 I'm not in the correct mindset to share what my trauma is about. But it's really really hard to wake up from a nightmare and know that you're gonna have to see the cause of that trauma,3 "So I went to my primary because I was concerned I had adhd. I got a referral to a psychologist that did a 5 hour long psych evaluation. He disagreed and diagnosed me with bipolar 2 in addition to a few other things. The tova test is the computer one meant to diagnose ASHA but apparently I passed with flying colors which shows no Adhd. I moved on to a psychiatrist for medication monitoring but he then disagreed with the bipolar diagnosis and says I’m classic inattentive adhd. He wants to do the TOVA testing and I told him I already did it and passed it. He’s putting me on vyvance anyway because I also have binge eating disorder. Has anyone taken the TOVA tests, passed, but still diagnosed with ADHD?",0 sigh. i just really need advice rn. i can’t stop sh myself. it’s like a ongoing addiction if that makes sense. i can’t stop crying just thinking about it. :/ please someone reach out to me.. i know it’s probably too much to ask for but i want to hear some advice please,2 " It's supposed to say without them* I was curious if anyone else has similar issues? I got off the meds after being force fed them all through school as a kid and found it left me stunted in alot of ways, i developed several addictions to replicate the "" wave"" of ups and downs the adhd meds providedjust to feel like i function like a normal person. Fast forward to right now im 28 completely off meds for 10 years and I've kicked my addictions However i keep running into the same issues from childhood in jobs such as. "" your to slow"", "" your not paying attention"" "" your not communicating well"". [ im in the process of learning to be a cook ultimately with the chef title so i can open a small business to run on weekends for context] but every job i try in houston is like this. Is there something wrong with me or do these jobs just ask to much and have unreasonable expectations? I have made my boss aware of my condition and she seems to be okay working with it. ( in short: my adhd is effcting my ability to make money and earn a living how do i do this without having to go back to medications?) There are some days were i just lose focus completely and its like im in a tunnel watching my body just go through the motions i feel like im constantly struggling to keep up.",0 "I won't be watching the show anymore. The VIPS remind me of my parents who would enjoy torturing us, the kids. Most people are disgusting. Also the constant fear element reminds me of my childhood/ early adulthood when my trauma is from.",3 "I wake up and although it's a day off, I'm reminded that I have employment. I volunteer, pay my bills, my taxes, mortgage and maybe I even just finished paying off my electric car so I go out to celebrate with friends and/ or family instead of finding comfort in celebrating in complete isolation with my special interests. My skin condition is completely cured and no longer have to worry about the chronic and acute discomfort I find myself in 24/7 which directly affects my mental state and sends me into deep depressions and I avoid all responsibilities (whether in-person or otherwise) due to the mental gymnastics my adhd and autism play in conjunction with my skin condition (and now that it's cured I'd be able to walk freely outside without the fear of burning my skin because I now no longer need to take my isotretinoin prescription). I have hobbies wherein I don't hyperfocus on things, i read things and don't have to worry about my executive function making me lose interest altogether. I have a network of friends whom I share things, I grow with, I relate with and don't push completely out of my life. I dont spend most of my life in my room with noise cancelling on and sleeping my days away to avoid getting up to be once again overwhelmed by my sensory issues and to then attend to my acute and chronic facial skin issues before going out anywhere lest I look like a complete mess of a human being (masks have benefitted me in this regard though).",3 "I’m not sure if this is entirely to do with ocd, but is anyone else able to feel what other people are touching?",1 I try very hard on Tinder and Bumble but hardly got any matches. I tried going on r/tinder for advice and felt awful when told that my profile is one of the worst they've seen. Since then I've deleted all my dating app profiles. I don't see the point in trying anymore.,3 "Maybe now yes But i really ask In the various posts and attempts to help Do I give you any discomfort?",2 "I cant deal with this anymore. Life is getting repetitive, my anxiety is skyrocketing, my stutter from when I was younger is coming back, highschool is stressing me out, and overall I just feel like a piece of shit. I wont be able to go to therapy for 3 months while I (parents who keep putting it off) find a suitable therapist. I dont know if I can even make myself live for that long. It's worse and worse for me, my grades are starting to plummet, and the one thing I took actual joy in, Agriculture, has been doing absolutely nothing that I enjoy. I just hate living life. I hate every single moment of existence on this earth. At some point it's just gonna to become a heated ball of death so why shouldnt I end it early? Hearing the phrase ""someone in this classroom might cure cancer"" is the worst when you KNOW it wont be you. I hate being told that other people know I can do better than this, I do too. But that doesnt change the fact that I wont. My minds become foggy and I struggle to focus on things. My one guiding light in life is my girlfriend. Even then, I dont feel any emotions, and I feel like I'm tricking her. It pains me to respond with ""I love you too"" when my parents tell me they love me. My emotions as a guy, they died, a long time ago, along with my happiness. Buried alongside the road with the other useless things. I hate my relationship, I feel like because I'm stacking up all my problems on her, that's shes only staying in the relationship for my sake. She could find someone so much better, so much greater, who would truly appreciate and love everything she does. Not some fucking piece of human scum that cant even open up to the one person he trusted all his life: his brother. My life is in tatters and I'm not motivated enough to fix it. I'm thinking about committing suicide on new years day. Or sometime in January, I cant deal with this anymore.",2 "Qelbree (viloxazine), a new med for adhd has been approved by the FDA for children in mid 2021. It's already on the market in America. The FDA will probably approve it for adults in April 2022. So does one of you know if the pharma company also plans to launch Qelbree in other parts of the world, and if yes when? I'm in Europe and I couldn't find any news on this.",0 "I’ve (24F) had depression ever since I was 12, and possibly some anxiety sprinkled in. I swear the older I get, the worse the depression and anxiety becomes. When I was in college, my anxiety was at its worst. I was having panic attacks each day, crying a lot. I got sick of it, so I decided to “re-wire my brain”; whenever I was in a situation where I felt anxious, I forced myself to become numb. I did this over, and over, and over. Then, I no longer had to force myself, I became numb, even in situations that would make normal people anxious. I failed to realize that what I did had consequences. I could no longer feel extreme happiness/joy/excitement over positive things. I was 19 when this all occurred. I ended up dropping out of college because I was too poor for it, and joined the army. Met some cool people along the way, but the army doesn’t help with my depression; they claim to care about soldiers mental health, but they truly don’t. They expect me to find a therapist, but military healthcare sucks when it comes to mental health, and they won’t even find a therapist for me. My boyfriend of 3 years (who is also in the army, we live together), insists that I get help and that he will pay for me to see a therapist. Although I appreciate that offer, I feel it’s just kinda wrong to have my SO pay for me to un-fuck my mind. The idea makes me uncomfortable for some unknown reason. As a kid, I grew up with a narcissist mother, so I have it drilled into my head that I’m useless, suck at just about everything, etc. She would always compare me to other kids, even my friends; “Jessica gets straight As, why can’t you do that?” Or “Oh, you want to work for the FBI? That’s too hard of a job, our brains don’t work like that”. If I ever strived for something, she’d verbally swat me down immediately. It got worse in my teenage years, she would get drunk, become nasty, I’ve had objects thrown at me before, a kitchen chair being one of them. She even put me in a headlock once and tried to choke me out. There’s much more she’s done, but I won’t get into it. A year ago she got diagnosed with breast cancer, and she has changed her attitude towards me, probably realizing that she wasn’t the best mother. But it’s too late, 23 years too late, the mental damage is already done. The depression of course runs on her side of the family, how ironic because she never showed sympathy for my depression. All I got was a “suck it up, that’s life”. So here I am now, my self-hatred getting worse each day. Got laid off back in October, have applied to so many jobs, and still nothing. Got pulled from a college class due to lack of participation (because of the depression) I feel like such a useless piece of shit. My boyfriend works, he is supportive of me, and I appreciate it. Yet, no matter how many positive things he says about me, I never believe it. I don’t think I’ll ever be capable of loving myself. I’m not suicidal per say, but I do fantasize what it would be like if I had the balls to do it. Normal people are happy they wake up each morning, while I’m disappointed that I do. I wish I could pass in my sleep, or die in a quick freak accident. I don’t dare tell anyone in my life that I think about these things. It keeps getting worse. My boyfriend and I rescued a dog from a shelter, and I’m a big animal lover, but… not even that has improved my mood. I try so hard to keep my fake, happy facade around people, while in private I have mental breakdowns and just cry. Im not usually one to cry about anything in general, so this is how I know the depression is getting really bad. How long can I take this? Im so sick of it all. Sick of living my useless life. All I’m doing is wasting oxygen and taking up space.",2 Yesterday my therapist diagnosed me with moderate PTSD. I told my parents last night and they really invalidated my diagnosis and comparing it to their past. It also feels like they want to “get rid” of my PTSD as fast as possible. I feel really invalidated and like they don’t care that it was a really big thing for me to finally be diagnosed. I don’t know what to do.,3 "Hi, 34M here - I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and my doctor has prescribed a small dosage (10mg) for now. This is all new to me, and although I’ve been following this sub for some time, it has suddenly become very real. Having mixed emotions of “this makes sense now” along with frustration of why I didn’t find about it sooner. :( Thanks to this sub for providing a great support and materials. One immediate concern is that I’ll become dependent on the stimulants. Any guidance from long term takers?",0 "I'm an M in his late twenties and was diagnosed when I was in my early teens. The diagnosis itself aroused from an event where I was depressed because I couldn't adapt to the changing dynamics of the social environment in middle school. I've also always struggled in school relative to my intelligence and have had issues giving day-to-day life the proper attention needed to be fully competent in areas there weren't difficult for most people. I don't feel as if I completely align with the diagnostic criteria for ASD, despite being officially diagnosed. I've always felt somewhat incompetent, but I've never really felt all that different. I have some unusual interests and hobbies, but I would call them more compulsions at this point than interests. If someone asked me what my interests were, I wouldn't only mention my special interests, and my special interests are also always slowly evolving into other interests. It's like the larger area and context of the interest is normal, but my though process is just unusual and I learn differently. While I'm not great socially, I think the issue is more about my unusual thought process than it is about ToM problems or even having unusual interests. The ""ToM"" problems are really more double empathy problems, and my interests while unusual are more about my inability to ""dig in deeper"" sometimes than it is about them being unusual. Really basic areas of development such as speech, coordination, and sensory areas have all been normal. While I'm on this subreddit often and have some things to mention, I can almost never relate to ""As an aspie do you have X issue like I do?"". It's often a post about some sensory issue or pet-peeve that I can't relate to at all, like hating events with loud crowds or being unable to tolerate cold food or being really good at memorizing facts. It's lead me to question the DSM, western psychology, and the validity of the ASD diagnosis- which also keeps changing. They say ""if you've met one aspie then you've met one aspie"", but this sounds like a lazy cop-out for a vague diagnosis that does nothing but put neurodivergent people in some category so they can have an ""explanation"" for their off behavior. Why do I not fully buy my diagnosis, and why am I also the only person here who's questioning it?",3 "Hello everyone, I came here because I wanted to ask a question and I thought that this sub could potentially help me find the answer. I'm a 22 yo male and when I was 15 I got into a relationship with this girl at my school. It lasted about three years (I ended it my first semester senior year). It was a very emotionally manipulative and abusive relationship. The thing is, I dont remember much of anything from that time period besides some of the happy memories when we first started dating and one or two serious events that happened during that time. I literally could not tell you what she did. All I remember is that she was very depressed and sometimes suicidal. My mother and brother talked to me about it when I asked them what happened and my mother remembered me staying up late most nights on the phone with her, often crying. They explained that it put me in a really bad place, which was evident to me because after the breakup I had rapid weight gain from emotional eating that I still struggle with to this day. I am searching for the answer as to why I am facing this absolute mental block of the time period. I've heard of the brain doing this as a protective measure, but I dont know why it happens or what to do about it, if anything. Is this potentially a result of ptsd, or is there something else that you can think of that makes better sense? Thank you all for reading and helping me out.",3 "I take 15 mg Adderrall IR in the morning and 20mg IR in the afternoon. I’ve been having issues with depression and am addicted to nicotine so when my psychiatrist brought up going back on Prozac (10 mg to start), I asked about Wellbutrin. He’s starting me on 100 mg extended release, and hasn’t adjusted my adderall rx. Just wondering if anyone has any experience with adding in Wellbutrin without lowering their other stim rx and if anyone has experience with all three in combo. edit: I have anxiety and cyclical depression. The anxiety is under control and both the anxiety and depression are related to/due to stress from school.",0 "Depression has been getting worse as time goes on. I've tried 4 antidepressants, 2 atypicals. All failures. I like my therapist. It's a good conversation. But at about 15-16 sessions in and I'm not really doing any better. Arguably I'm doing worse. I've spoken to multiple doctors. Two different psychiatrists this year. Nothing. Literally, nothing helps. I'm very unhappy. Every attempt I try to get better I end up the same or worse. What's wrong with me. What the fuck is wrong with my brain? Why can't I ever progress?",2 "It was two years ago when my therapist told me i'm suffering from intrusive cumpulsive thinking patterns . My question is do i really have ocd? What are ocd peaople charactristics ? and how can i know if i'm really suffering from it ?",1 "Literally this. Everyone always seems to think I am completely insane with the things I say or think. My partner , my friends and my family. The only place I get a peace of mind is at my group therapy or with my psychiatrist. Is this what it is going to be like? That only professionals and other people with severe PTSD can understand me? I feel so extremely rejected by all the others. Sometimes I think it is better to be alone aside from my therapists and group therapy members. It's kind of hard to explain what I feel aside from this stabbing feeling of rejection from simply not being understood by the people that you love. Is this recognizable? I'd like to feel less rejected and alone.",3 Since the summer of 2021 was near we had lots of tests in school. I wanted to have high grades everywhere English lessons school all my lessons. That period i was EXTREMELY anxious but i said to my self when all this will be over you will have all the summer to relax and feel free. But things werent that similar. Even when i finished my final exam and got good grades i couldnt feel happiness anymore. Also i couldnt feel the hype over things i used to. I lost interest in my favorite hobbies like anime video games basketball etc. I am 15 years old and i want to know if im depressed or it is just the puberty.,2 pretty much what the title says. ive already managed to fuck my life up beyond repair and i don’t think it’s gonna get any better.,2 "So I am on my first week of 10mg Adderall XR. How did you figure out what the correct dose for you was? Like, how did you find the sweet spot, so to speak? Of course, I am going to talk to my doctor about it, but I was hoping I could get some first-hand experiences of what it feels like to be on the correct dose. I feel the effects even at a low dose. My hands are a little shaky, I have more energy, and an elevated mood. It is helping me with my focus to a certain degree, but I still get distracted pretty easily, and starting certain tasks still takes more effort than I would like it to. I mean I am focusing better, but I think I was hoping for a little more. I just don't want to up the dose unless it will help with my ADHD. I'm worried if we up the dose I will just get shakier, and like higher basically, without any benefit to my actual ADHD symptoms.",0 "Right now I'm in IOP for MDD, PTSD and mild insomnia. Almost everyone in the group complains about their jobs all the time which I understand but I think they're missing the point sometimes. I get upset that they are blaming their jobs for unhappiness instead of addressing and discussing the real reasons we're all in therapy (we all have a trauma history in this group). I want to tell them about my real struggles with specific flashbacks, about stuff that they often shy away from in favor of imo much safer more obvious topics (like for example sexual harassment is bad, duh, okay, but now dig deeper about why what happened upset you, did it remind you of something/someone, etc). Does group therapy tend to be more surface-level and all the other stuff is saved for one-on-one therapy? Please help.",3 "Forgive me for intruding. It seams that people who went through life without clear career path, who did not stick to a job to earn a professionalism are in some weird way similar to aspergers people. They have a lot of life experience that no employer can put their finger on to hire them, yet there is a lot of experience in dealing with people, learning different skills on different jobs. Same with aspergers having a lot of thoughts, knowledge and ways to express themselves that are versatile and rich, but yet not easily connectable to regular person way of thinking or communicating. The value is there, a huge value, but there is no known way to access this value, leading to one side bottling it down, and the other missing out on it. What do you think? Is it how it feels for you?",3 "*Note from future me once I’d finished writing this: Shit got long. Sorry. Tl:dr bullets at bottom. Also I'll list here what I go into* * *Recipes, Why they suck, and how they are actually useful.* * *Spices, How to build up your confidence in spice pairing.* * *Sauces, Put it IN your food, not just on it.* * *Cleaning, Sometimes the best thing we can do is accept things.* * *Kitchen Gadgets, Useful and fun.* * *General Tips, Legitimately really useful advice to help improve your dishes.* *\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_* So I first wanted to preface all of this by saying that these will all fail, without a doubt, the time you cook and everything goes “right” is nothing short of a miracle. But that is a good thing. As ADHDer’s when things go wrong is our time to shine. Things have been going wrong everyday since the day I was born because my brain doesn’t brain ‘correctly.’ And I’ll bet a lot of you can relate to that sentiment. But that only means we are sooo much better prepared to jump outside of the structured process and just deal with things because that’s what we’ve been doing since day one. With that in mind, remember, it’s absolutely fine to fail and I really hope some of you get some helpful tips and advice through this. ​ ***Recipes can suck it forever!*** Many friends tell me I am a great cook and they are always impressed at how I can just whack something together and it tastes great. The response I always give them, and the advice I give to you now is FUCK RECIPES. Recipes make you less good of a cook. They are a terrific starting point to learn the basics but at a certain point relying on a recipe only hinders even a neurotypical brain. For us it’s much worse though because of all the ways our ADHD messes with the structured recipe process. The amount of times I miss a step because I just got carried away, or because the choppy choppy is fun, the reading is boring so I gloss over it all and get back to chopping. Or I read a step over and over to not mess it up and the second I turn away from the recipe I’ve forgotten what I’m doing and have to go back to it. This all just gets too frustrating and sucks all the fun out of cooking because I’m too worked up and annoyed dealing with how bad I’m failing at every step. And more to the point, to a certain extent recipes don’t even make sense to follow. If you were to google “Mac and cheese recipe,” you don’t find one singular universal recipe for it, you find hundreds upon thousands of various recipes all making the same thing in different ways. And that’s simply because all these people didn’t follow the recipe. By not following a recipe you end up making better food, it’s as simple as that. That said I use recipes quite a lot, I just don’t follow them. First of all you need to figure out what you want to cook. And you might already know what you’re going for but most of the time you’ll need some inspiration. Hop on google and look loosely for what you want. Roast beef recipes, burger recipes, party food recipes, healthy chicken one pan recipes, tray bake dinner recipes, Spanish tapas recipes, fake-away recipes, whatever. Then just look around until you think “yeah, I could give that a go.” My go to for this is **tasty.co** just because all the recipes have 5 minute tops videos which blitz through the recipe and show the ideal end result. Don’t have to read anything. Now that you know what you’re making and have your ‘initial’ recipe, google more recipes for that specific dish and look loosely at what they do differently and more importantly at what’s different that they add. This way you will know the rough process you need to follow and the various types of spices, ingredients and tips you can play around with which will make your version of it that much better. If you need one recipe to keep at hand in case you forget timings and temperatures, that’s fine, I do that all the time, pop it up on your phone and then you have it ready just in case. ​ ***Spice up your life - Hai Si Ja Hold Tight!*** Another key tip I always throw out there whenever somebody asks, is that you NEED a fully stocked spice cabinet. What I mean by this is just one time go out and get as many different basic spices you can. If you don’t have the space or money to get everything, focus on one cuisine for a while and then expand. For example, want to try your hand at some Mexican dishes? Paprika(regular and smoked), chili powder, chili flakes (generic will work fine but I’d get a few types, jalapeno, and chipotle is a good start, habanero for more intense burns), garlic powder, onion powder, coriander leaf. Sorted, now you have everything you need to start experimenting. Recipes be damned, get some rice and meat/meat substitute and just start bunging shit in, in random amounts until you find what works. By doing it this way, I’ve found it makes it more engaging and less pressuresome. Because if it doesn’t work as well as you hope, “Fuck it, I didn’t know what I was aiming for and I made this, at least it’s edible.” And what’s more, is to experiment with what spices should go in which part of the meal. So for this I’d put salt, paprika and maybe a bit of onion, garlic, and chili powder in with the rice to give it a more interesting flavour and vibrant colour; and then once it’s cooked maybe some fresh cut up coriander. In the meat, just absolutely everything with some chopped tomatoes, onion, mushroom, black beans and sauces. Boom, you've made a really great beef chili. Another good tip on what spices to get is to look at the ingredients of an ‘all in one’ spice pack. Look at the list of ingredients on a taco seasoning kit and you now know all the individual ingredients you need to make bomb ass taco seasoning from scratch but tweaked to your own tastes. I will add that I fully recommend grabbing a few ‘all in one’ spice mixes while you’re at it, mainly for ease in specific situations. But the reason you want to have basic spices first is that you can then start just chucking them in anything and everything until you learn what you like. For example, through this I know I prefer a good amount of smoked paprika, and use flakes over powder for my chili; jalapeno for that sweet spice, and chipotle for a more smoky barbeque flavour. I only know that because of trial and error. Now that you’re starting to get the hang of this one type of food and spices, branch out to other similar things. That way you only need to get a handful of new spices before you’re ready to tackle an entire new food genre. Spanish food is close to Mexican in terms of spices so that’s a good start. To go to Italian food, you only need a few more green herbs. Cajun, American BBQ, both share a lot of the same spices. The key takeaway here is to throw shit at a wall and see what sticks for you. Within months you’ll be enjoying amazing meals you never thought you’d be able to make, and with minimal effort or planning put in. You can literally go, “I have chicken in, I want it to taste Cajun, I’ll chuck this random stuff in a pan with it,” and you’ve made a great meal with almost zero thought or planning. ​ ***Be a little Sauce pot*** This one is exactly the same process as with spices. I would say get a handle on your spices first as that's the foundation of the meal. If you get too experimental with your sauces too soon everything just tastes like sriracha. Which, I mean, there are worse ways to live but still. Get a handful of interesting sauces and try adding them in different amounts to stuff each time you cook and eventually you’ll know which ones work well in which dishes. I would recommend as a starting point getting some ketchup, sriracha, mustard, a nice BBQ sauce, and some reggae reggae (I don't know if that’s everywhere so it's basically just a good jerk/Jamaican sauce). And just add a squeeze to things every now and then depending on what flavour or food you’re going for. In the same vein, experiment with adding stock to more saucy things, and get fancy flavoured oils. If you’re making a large batch of beef chili, add some thick beef stock to it and it’ll really help maximise the beefy flavour. Only thing to be wary of with stock is making something watery so make stock up separately and add it slowly bit by bit. With oils, a neutral oil is obviously useful to have around at all times, but sometimes using chilli oil or garlic or truffle or whatever can really make a dish feel a bit more special and just emphasize a certain flavour. But again, it's fine to not know what you're doing, just pick something and roll with it. ​ ***The bane of my existence - Cleaning up*** So for me personally, I’ve found that the absolute number one way to appease my ADHD brain and keep everything clean and tidy when I’m cooking, is to just accept that it won’t be clean and tidy when I’m cooking. People always say to just clean as you go but people are wrong. That’s another task to manage and I’m too busy being over here in the zone making some dope food to worry about it now. So in my honest and personal opinion, I sort of feel we need to cut ourselves some slack in life every now and then and the fact is you’re actively trying to look after yourself and make something positive. Don’t let the fact things get a bit messy take away from that. Try to not feel too bad about it. Yeah it’s a mess but look at the great thing you just made. Mess is temporary, being able to make amazing food is forever. But I know that’s not ‘strictly’ helpful. And so, here are some actual tips I guess. Open the drawer below where you’re chopping and hang a carrier bag over it, shut it to lock the bag in place and use it for waste. It’s a legit tip, but I hate it. The bag gets in the way the more full it gets and it’s fiddly to open it every time. Not to mention gone is the age of the spare carrier bag so unless you’re drowning in bag’s for life then this goes out the door pretty quick. As I’ve already said, “Clean as you go,” is useless to an ADHD brain (mine at least) because it just complicates the whole process. Instead I recommend just being slightly consciously aware of the mess and try nudging it closer to being done as you go so that you have an easier job later on. If the food you’re making has a bag or some plastic waste, try putting your food waste in that; or usually ‘on that’ in my case. Try to just have an area of the work space that you dump the rubbish for now so it's just one area to clean up later. Also if you use a chopping board people say use a tea towel underneath it so it doesn’t move. I use two squares of disposable kitchen roll so when I’m done I can then either move the rubbish on to the kitchen roll to make a makeshift bundle of rubbish for the bin; or I can clean away the rubbish by hand and then use the kitchen roll to wipe down the surface afterwards. As for the washing up, this will never not be a problem. I put my hot pans straight under the tap to cool them down, throw on some washing up liquid and get the hot water going. Then just drop them in the washing up bowl below to soak until your brain lets you clean them. That way they are much much easier to clean when you need to do so. Also remember that there is no shame in cleaning something as and when you need it. Also trying to limit utensils and kitchen things used for cooking means that there's less to clean up after. Get an **all purpose chef knife** to chop everything with and chop meat last so that you don’t need to swap knives or chopping boards because of contamination. If you can get some little **ramekins** or something these are great for chopped herbs or spices. Largely because even if they do get dirty and stay dirty for a while, it’s not like anybody ever urgently needed a ramekin. If you are chopping lots of different things for one dish, have **big large plates/ flatish bowls** and put the ingredients in small piles on them once chopped. That way you only have one large thing to clean rather than many little things for each individual chopped ingredient. ​ ***Make it fun, get some gadgets*** This is very much a personal enjoyment thing but I figured I’d add it anyway. Once you have a good general sense of what you’re doing in the kitchen, have some fun with it. Try to make different and interesting things. And often to do so you might need a gadget or two. First and foremost, ol’ reliable, the **slow cooker**. With a slow cooker, you can literally cut up vegetables, throw them in with a seared hunk of meat seasoned generously with salt and pepper, add some stock and spices, and leave it on low for several hours. Then make rice or mash potatoes or something as a base for the meal and you’ve created something incredible with such little input. And bonus, you probably won't need the slow cooker again for a while so there is no urgency of running out of slow cookers before you need to clean this one. I have a **manual food chopper**, which is like a pull cord blender thing. It’s a bit fiddly and has lots of bits to clean but ultimately, if I have to finely mince something or just cannot be bothered with fully chopping and I do not care how roughly chopped something is, bung it in this thing and within seconds it’s done. It’s compact enough to tuck away in the corner of a drawer which is really useful. The last gadget I have is so wildly specific but it’s worth it to me. It’s a **stuffed burger press**. The main reason I love it is because every BBQ you go to everybody just brings store bought stuff. But with this you can make up your own mince and press it into burgers. Last time I did this one of my friends didn’t stop talking about how good that burger was for a week. (salt, pepper, flour and egg for binding, garlic, smoked paprika, sriracha, jalapeno flakes, all American burger seasoning.) And it also has a little well maker so you can press a patty, make a well to fill, then press more mince on top to make a super thick, filled burger. One Christmas I did roast dinner burgers for me and some friends with this. Turkey mince burger, stuffed with honey cooked bacon and cranberry sauce, with brie on top. The point is, which I think is mostly made by that last one, get some gadgets which you will find useful at making things easier for you, or simply find some that excite you into making things that are more fun and interesting to make. ​ ***Handy dandy cooking advice to help you on your way.*** And lastly I figured I’d share some direct cooking tips to help push your meals over the top. **Season season season**. Every single thing you make you want to be using a generous amount of salt and pepper before adding anything else. And then when you do move on to more interesting spices make sure you use them enough to taste them without overpowering the core ingredients. And furthermore if you make something and felt it could be improved this is your step one for how to improve it. Try it again but be more generous with your salt, your pepper and all your spices or if it overpowered the meal, this is where you dial it back. **Organise by Cuisine first, spices second**. My spice shelf is organised with spicy more Mexican flavours on the left, moving into more Italian herbs, then into Mediterranean and Greek, before ending with Indian, Chinese, Japanese type flavours over on the right. Or at least, in the ideal world is naturally it becomes chaos again over time, but when I organise it, this is what I go for. Sure there’s a lot of overlap, and I might need chili powder or flakes from the left side to go in a Chinese dish I’m making with spices from the right; but generally it really helps me having everything grouped by food rather than just spices on the left, herbs on the right, or something like that. **Cracked rock salt and black pepper** is infinitely better. Have table salt to sprinkle on chips or add to boiling water and ground pepper for little bits of pep on your food, but for actual cooking, rock salt and cracked black pepper, every time. **Fresh is best.** It’s always good to have dried herbs and spices on hand just in case. But when you’re going all out, stretch for fresh herbs, it can really make all the difference. **Timing** is important. It seems obvious, make sure your meat/ meat substitute is cooked correctly, work everything else out around that. And generally aside from salt and pepper, it's important to make sure you don’t season it too soon or you can end up burning your spices. This is doubly important for fresh ingredients. **Garlic** is key. Recipes will tell you to use two cloves for a meal for four and recipes are wrong. You want to be hitting that sweet spot where you can taste the garlic in the mix of flavours but it doesn’t overpower anything. If I am cooking for one I’d use about 4 to 6 cloves depending on the size. Or at least the equivalent of. Get **Squeezy ingredients**. Garlic and ginger are the main ones, dealing with these fresh and trying to finely mince them is a huge pain. I have a garlic mince I never use because garlic mulches up inside it and then is impossible to get out. Even more so when I forget to clean it for a week and it dries harder than concrete. And so by all means make your life easier, cut this pain in the ass corner and get squeezy ingredients. **Butter**. This is for when you want to impress somebody or make something really indulgent, add a bit of butter to everything. All the vegetables, pasta, meats. Obviously don’t go absolutely mental with it but butter makes things taste better. That's how restaurants have great tasting veggies. **Honey** (or lemon I guess). Have some squeezy honey on hand at all times. Basically, when you make food often you will feel it is missing 'something.' That something is usually sweetness or sharpness. Personally I’m not a huge fan of sour/sharp things like lime or lemon so fear they could kill a dish for me fairly quickly. They still work in this context but for me it's honey every time. It’s the same idea as with sauces. One thing that sauces add, without your realising, is sweetness. Sriracha is a hot sauce with sweetness. Ketchup is tomato with sweetness. Mustard is spice with sharpness. BBQ sauce is smoky with sweetness. Jerk sauce is odd because I've found it varies so much but it’s either smoky and/or spicy, with either sharpness or sweetness depending what sauce you get. Reggae reggae is spicy and smoky with sweetness. But if you want to cut straight through everything and just blow somebody away. Honey. ​ I know that was a lot to read so massively thank you if you did. Even if this helps just one person I’m happy. I really hope some of these tips help you enjoy cooking a bit more and help to make it work with your ADHD rather than against it. And again to reiterate what I said at the start. These are all things which will help make cooking better, easier, and more enjoyable. But they will without a doubt fail from time to time. And that’s okay. We ADHDer’s are wildly resourceful and that's something to be so so proud of. The amount of times I’ve bought ingredients based on a handful of spices only to find out I’ve run out them and can’t do that specific dish anymore; I cannot even begin to count. But every time that happens, because of the loosey goosey free-form jazz approach to cooking I take, I can just pivot into making something entirely different but equally as fun and just as tasty. **Our creative side can really be explored through cooking, the only issue is that at the beginning it’s so difficult getting bogged down not knowing what to do and having to follow strict rules to get better. That's why I wrote this all out to tell you, fuck the rules, add whatever you want to whatever you want, if it tastes bad don’t do it again.** **Good luck.** ​ Tl;dr * Don’t follow recipes. Use them for meal inspiration first, and then ingredient, spices and process inspiration second. * Get spices, lots and lots of spices. It helps to start with the spices of one cuisine and nail that first, then branch out to other cuisines later. * Add those spices to everything until you work out which spices you like best and how to use them to compliment each other. * Sauces are the exact same, get a load and add them to your cooking. But remember that spices are more important, they are the foundation of the dish, the sauce is the little something at the end. * Cleaning up is hard. Best advice is to just accept that there will be mess and then to manage that as best you can. I add all my mess to one pile on the work surface and put it in the plastic waste of the food. Then there's much less to clean at the end. * Pans go straight in the sink after cooking so they can be cleaned easier later. There's no shame in just cleaning the pan you need, as and when you need it. * Kitchen gadgets can be useful in helping you cook and also in making it more fun to make interesting things. * For more direct tips to improve general cooking food quality read the last section.",0 "I’m a freshman in college with ADHD inattentive type. As I get to the end of this first semester, I am falling into habits I’ve had since middle school, where I began to get drained, overwhelmed then paralyzed. I’m either half-assing my work, turning it in late, or not doing it at all. I have accommodations but it doesn’t help my lack of motivation and anxiety. Any advice from older college students or graduated people with inattentive ADHD?",0 "It's weird, right? I don't get people who make claims about what someone has. Like, you're not them, you're not inside their mind, you only know what they show you.",3 "TW I’m 16 and when I was 14 I met this guy online who was 17 and we started dating when he was 18 (yes I know I was stupid) I won’t go into much detail but what matters was he was emotionally abusive and manipulative and that lasted until the beginning of quarantine when I was finally able to completely cut him out of my life with the help of my new boyfriend. He said if he ever saw me he would “publicly r*pe and humiliate me”(he knows where I go to school and hang out) He would always be yelling at me for the smallest things and call me a pathetic little shit and ever since then I’ve been extremely paranoid by the smallest movements, whenever someone slightly raises their voices or makes a loud noise I start crying. I’ve had trouble sleeping and have had constant nightmares, and talking to adults has been completely terrifying and I break down crying. There was also a time while we were dating where I just had an anxiety attack after a girl who he cheated on me with showed up randomly and I started shaking uncontrollably. I’ve just been really sensitive and constantly overthink. My current boyfriend says I need therapy and I know I do and I want help but asking my parents for anything is terrifying and whenever I do or I try to I end up crying uncontrollably and it’s just scary I don’t now how to talk to them or bring it up I don’t want to tell them about what happened to me yet since they would probably be really disappointed and upset but I just need the help and don’t know how to ask them or how else I can get help. I did tell my parents I wanted a therapist before but they ended up forgetting and that never happened.",3 "My mom called me yesterday as she was pulling out of Walmart, to tell me how much money she spent on food that was in her trunk. She then made a comment about knowing I was planning to go to my Dad's at 1. She's always been really good at giving guilt trips. I decided last minute to go to my Dad's first instead this year because I was thinking about how he has never once in my life made me feel like such a pile of shit like my mom does. I'm so glad I did. So I suffer from celiac disease and have a milk allergy...my Dad's girlfriend made sure I had food that was safe to eat. She didn't have to do that. But everything was dairy free and I had my own dressing. I went to my mom's and even if I wanted to I couldn't eat anything because everything was made with dairy or gluten. I don't normally complain about stuff like this because I don't expect people to take my needs into consideration...but when it's my own mom...making me feel like garbage and guilt tripping me for seeing my dad and his side of the family at all on Thanksgiving and not making her a priority... Idk maybe I'm making a mountain out of nothing. I just wish my mom didn't make me feel like shit all the time and like I don't matter.",2 "Posted on another sub as well. Sorry for the long ass post, and I also suck at writing but anyway here is my military experience: I graduated high school in 2018 and shipped off to boot camp about two weeks later. Boot camp is what it is. After completing boot camp and the rest of my training, I arrived at my permanent duty station for the next three years in Okinawa, Japan. This was March of 2019 and I was 19 years old. I came with a buddy from my job school. back in the states. The first base I went to was potentially going to be my base, but I was told that my chain of command was going to send either me or my buddy to another base. It ended up being me. The base I had been at was really likable. I liked my roommates, the Corporals I was going to serve under were friendly and very helpful, we became friends. The base itself was a nice layout, to where you could walk to most of the main attractions on base no problem. It was quiet too. The new base they sent me too was just depressing and everyone there had a worse attitude. I was filled with dread and deep sadness and I had to try so hard not to cry because everything was so overwhelming. When I got to my unit, I met some of my peers and higher ups of my platoon. They fucked with me a bit at first and for the first month or so that I was in this unit, I was acquainted with most of them. I got fucked with a lot when I was new but it never really stopped and it got much worse. It became personal. On a daily basis, for the next 8 or so months, I was harassed, ostracized, and bullied. And I got yelled at a lot but it was mostly over petty shit. I am a person who is kind-hearted, but I was also very timid and not very muscular at the time, compared to my peers. So I was naturally a target for bullies. A few of the sergeants would get hammered and fuck with me hardcore at the barracks. Sometimes they would try and start fights with me for no reason. One junior marine headbutted me and chipped my tooth while he was drunk, but I later forgave him and we remained friends. I was called names every day such as bitch, pussy, faggot, motherfucker, dickhead, fucker, fuckface, retard, piece of shit, square head, square face. I was told I suck at my job, that I would never be as good as my predecessor, was told I was worthless, not a real marine, that I'm a stupid motherfucker, was told ""your sister is very hot and I wanna fuck her"". I was physically assaulted a couple times by peers. I suffered this torment almost, if not every day. This is only some of the behavior I experienced. It was so demeaning. Not to mention living with constant paranoia and fear of anyone higher ranking who would yell at me and demean me over petty shit and treat me like a child. I was constantly walking on egg shells. One particular incident led me to being administratively separated (kicked out) of the military. It was 4th of July weekend 2019 and I was in a taxi on my way back to base from a concert. I shit you not, somebody had left a closed bottle of Jack Daniels in a plastic bag in the back seat of the taxi. One of those big 3 liter bottles. Being 19 (and a minor at that) and wanting to drink I took the bottle back to my barracks room. l drank all if not most of the bottle over the next day. This is the moment all of my emotions from the past several months were released. I recall it being about mid afternoon and I was hammered. I was yelling vulgar shit at the top of my lungs into the hallway. It had something to do with this girl I had known back at my job school in the states who had been a friend, who emotionally hurt me. The marines on duty were just laughing at me saying that I was going to ""murder that lesbian bitch"" at the top of my lungs. The next thing I remember before blacking out was playing video games in my room, and then I was throwing and breaking shit in my room, and then I was on the ground in a chokehold by my peer trying to get him to release me while threatening him. I remember my roommates were there and the one sergeant who was a friend to me. Then I remember crying hysterically, shouting down the hallways of the barracks that I was going to kill and rape certain people who had hurt me during my military career. I was blacking out and coming to the whole time. The next time I came to I was sitting on the couch in the barracks lounge surrounded by several of my higher ups, including officers, the duty, several military police officers, and a bunch of other people i didnt know. The police were trying to calm me down and I just kept crying in agony and confusion. I also recall noticing I had blood stain on my jeans. To this day I still don't know who's blood it was or how it got there. I blacked out yet again and the next thing I remember is being handcuffed to a hospital bed in a lobby, still balling like a baby and freaking out. Then I remember waking up sober the next day in my hospital room. I don't remember being arrested/detained or the ambulance ride to the hospital. What a fucking night. It was definitely the most distressing, most horrible night of my life. My BAC was .218, the drunkest I have ever been. This incident is what led me to being separated, in November 2019. Officially I left because of ""alcohol rehabilitation failure"" as I had refused to go to alcohol treatment and I knew I would be kicked out if I refused. I just wanted to go home. I wanted the abuse to just end and this was the only way. The drinking incident probably prevented me from having a successful military career too. I received a Non-Judicial Punishment, was demoted in rank, had my paycheck halved and had to do extra duties (cleaning the company headquarters building every day for two hours) for 60 days. It was late October 2019 before I was ready to be sent back to the states. I stayed in North Carolina for about a week before I went back home. All of my family knows I left the military early, but not all of them know why. When people ask if I did four years in the military I just say something along the lines of ""no I left because of personal medical reasons."" But I'm almost 22 so soon I'll be able to tell people I was in the military with them assuming I did four years. I actually rarely tell people anymore. Why do they always have to pry? It is kind of embarrassing to tell people that I left the military early because they probably think I am a failure or something. But it's just because they don't understand or know what I went through. I often wonder how my life and military career would have turned out if I wasn't given such a shitty hands of cards. I also know that if I stayed in the military my mental health was never going to improve. I was diagnosed with ptsd because of the abuse I received which has led me to having significantly difficult work and personal relationships. My family supports me even though none of them know exactly what happened, unless they're reading this. I guess I posted this to see if anyone has any supportive advice or similar experiences. But mainly it feels good to finally tell someone else about my experience. I've never talked in depth about it like this before so thanks for reading.",3 "I have found that large crowds and even really emotional meetings are hard because I seem to be affected by the feelings and start to absorb them (anger from people, sadness, etc...) I'm ok with happy but the others just feel weird.",3 "As a self-diagnosed aspie, person with HFA, I'm just posting this to see what experiences others have with the interwebs and ""friends."" How do you know the difference between an online friend and an online acquaintance? How do you maintain the relationship? In what ways do you communicate? How often do you communicate and are you always the one to initiate? All of the online friends I've had have dissolved into thin air. The most recent one was another aspie who didn't know how to help me when I was suicidal/depressed because she didn't consider me a friend. That one hurt and I deleted her on all social media and stopped visiting the forum we used to communicate on. Since then I've had no friends. I find it hard to communicate with others online because often times I lose interest in them or they lose interest in me because I bore them with talking about my very narrow interests. Sometimes I find it awkward just to message another person on reddit, and don't know how to go about the exchange. I feel so isolated and lonely lately that I begin to think and act like I'm the only one who cares about randomized runs on fire emblem, audiophile topics, and kanji. Whoops. Oversharing. We were talking about online friends. I'm interested in learning about your experiences.",3 i am so sick of being the unhealthy one. im so frustrated that any moment of reality shakes them and makes me question myself. i dont want a support group. i want friends who actually get it.,3 "I’m really really struggling. I’m tired. I feel out of control. Last week was my best week since the OCD symptoms escalated and got really bad. I felt like me and was excited and happy to go out and do things and enjoy life. I am coming off of lexapro, to take Zoloft and ambilify instead. The past few days however, have been excruciating. The intrusive thoughts, compulsive behaviors, brain zaps. I feel so defeated. It was nice to feel better and stronger than my OCD. But now I failed. It’s so hard to put into words how I’m feeling.",1 "Interesting article about dopamine and how it affects the brain. It gave me a little better understanding of why I pursue some things but not others. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/women-who-stray/201701/no-dopamine-is-not-addictive >People’s problems are never simple. And when a person does a thing over and over, even when the behavior is causing problems, there are a great many complex reasons behind that behavior. When we offer the reductively simple answer of “because dopamine,” *it distracts us from the person.* (emphasis mine)",0 "...it's also about accepting yourself as an autist, and realising that it doesn't make you a ""worse"" person than you would've been without ASD, you're just different :)",3 My uncle died last week of a very rare form of cancer he was in Pain before that as he was diagnosed with neuropathy. He was diagnosed with cancer in Oct and since he had flight off cancer before I wasn’t worried. But then his health sitar tend to deteriorate badly. The doctors said he had 6 months but after holding him in hospital for 2 weeks they told us he had only a couple weeks. The last conversation I had with him was the day before he got released from hospital with him checking up on me and I wanted to tell him I loved him but the words wouldn’t come out instead I started crying and I could hear him get upset on the phone too. He died 4 days after getting released from hospital with my final texts being how are you uncle. Those texts still haven’t been read. He was under morphine for them remaining 4 days and on the day he passed I was planning to come around then I got the call that he died and couldn’t process it. Caught a cab to his house to see my uncle laying peacefully with a smile on his bed laying in peace. Man I had so much to tell him. Even tho he was going though unimaginable pain he would always have a smile on his face and would give words of wisdom when you needed it. Man I miss him to the point where I can’t sleep or spend one second without thinking of him. The good people who haven’t hurt a sole in the world get taken away whilst bums like me get no punishment. Sorry for the grammar mistakes I was crying writing this and sorry if it’s too cringey.,2 "Hi, I'm curious what members, particularly those of who have a diagnosis of PTSD and use books as self-help, have found beneficial, particularly in terms books helping you not feeling so alone and helping you feel in control and hopeful in a world that feels so dark and dangerous and alien. I've read a couple of really dry and technical books that made me feel the doctor did not care and was just copying some technical stuff. I want books where the person's experience and understanding and care comes through, whether doctor or a person who survived trauma. Also books that are open to the view that trauma comes in many shapes and forms (in war, domestic abuse, childhood abuse, car accidents, refugee experience, etc). So they can be fictional but emotionally true account of trauma or actual biography about how a person learned to manage PTSD or a doctor explaining exactly how PTSD affects you and how to get in touch with your old unbroken self or how to put things back together and become whole. Thank you.",3 "I’ve had ocd my whole life, and I’ve been medicated for around 6-7 years, but lately I’ve been thinking almost every day that my boyfriend’s best friend and his girlfriend are evil. Like pure cold-hearted evil people. And the thing is is that I can’t explain why other than that they’re kind of unpleasant people and that’s about it. I feel like I’m going crazy.",1 "i didn’t do a single thing today, just like yesterday. i laid in bed just wallowing in ‘depression’ or whatever you’d call it. last night i lost most if not all will to live. i have no way to kms, thankfully and unfortunately. but it continued today, all day, just constant ‘you don’t care about anything’ ‘it isn’t worth living’ ‘you have no future, and if you did it’s just more pain’ ‘could you kys by doing this?’ ‘you loser, you have good friends but still don’t care’ fuckfuckfuck i can’t continue like this. i can’t go back to normal life, either. i want to stop existing.",2 "Just me over here at 3am wandering why im not sleeping and just tossing and turning Until i realize... I took my cymbalta/adderall before bed instead of my clonidine/lamictal Eff I really need to use my medicine organizer... Side not: took meds at 7am yesterday. Then at 1030. Should i skip tomorrow morning? 120g cymbalta 30mg adderall xr",0 "I was dumb. I even planned what every room was going to look like. Planned what my daughters birthday party was going to look like….we’re not even house hunting. Went on Zillow today and saw that it sold and I feel like I’m going through a breakup! Anyone else do this? I remember back in the day (before I knew I had ADHD) I would hyperfocus on a boy I like. Imagine our lives together and then he would get a girlfriend (because um like I never really talked to him lol) and then I would go into breakup mode when this happened! In the market I’m in, I knew it was dumb to fall in love with a house I couldn’t buy now. But, alas, I did. And now I’m going to go listen to Taylor Swift and cry. I mean not really….but then again…probably. 😉",0 Wish me luck. Fuck depression. Fuck suicidal thoughts.,2 "I've been putting off posting here as I know it can be bad for ocd but this is the one thing I'm really stuck on. I've been diagnosed with ocd and have obsessed and worried about many different sexual ocd. I've managed to get over all of them bar one POCD. It first hit me at the age of 15/16 and I went to therapy for it until I stopped overly obsessing about it. But that's the thing it was always still there that worry that I really am one or that I actually enjoy it. Fast-forward to now being 24 and the massive bout of obsessing started again due to an normal event. And I've been looking back thinking ""why haven't I been worried about this properly for the past 7 or so years?"". Anyway my main point is will pocd always kinda be at the back of my mind? My therapist has advised me it is because its so morally against what I believe but I'm not sure now. It consumes me every waking day, the constant worry and false attraction or what I hope is false attraction. Is it possible that I will have this particular obsession forever? I just don't understand how I've accepted the rest as ocd but not this one for so many years. Any advice or support would be great.",1 "They didn’t charge before and they shouldn’t charge now. They don’t „need the money“, you pathetic class traitor. They don’t „have to do it to compete with PlayStation“, Mr. „I took Econ 101 in college and I’m a professional businessman“. I want to play just one Switch game online, for perhaps 1 hour a week: Animal Crossing. There is no way in hell I’m shelling out $20 a month for that.",3 "Hey Guys! I was recently prescribed 5mg dextroamphetamine to help me focus, the first 3 times I took it I just fell asleep within an hour and had a solid 4 hour nap. Today I took it; and I decided “stuff it, I’ll have vodka” because I know that when I drink; sometimes i get hyper focused on something that I’m interested in, and right now I’ve successfully completed 1/6 of my overdue uni assignments. However I know it’s bad to drink on dex, so Im just curious, has this medication made you fall asleep as well?? I don’t want to drink when I take it just to make me motivated, so I’d like to know your experiences with dexis. Is it normal to fall asleep after them ? Is that something I just have to get used to before they start working properly? Or is maybe this medication just not for me? I do have an appointment with my psych in 6 weeks, unfortunately I couldn’t get one earlier to ask him, so I thought I’d come here and explore your personal experiences to quell my curious mind. Thank you!",0 "Hi all, Was diagnosed more than a year ago. I've been on adderall for the past year on different dosages. My current psychiatrist really doesn't talk properly to me and while it's pretty fast to schedule an appointment with him, he is NEVER on time (often calls back to say he'll be 2 or 3 hours late) and on top of that we only speak for 5 minutes and he just recommends a different dosage of Adderall. My therapist (psychologist) suggested finding someone else who would be open to letting me try other medications as my heart rate has been going through the roof with adderall. I looked through my insurance provider list but EVERY provider I call is booked until January. Is there any other way to find someone?",0 "I suspect that I have ptsd and every time at the same time, I go into a flashback. I start dissociating usually around 11am-12pm and its full force between 1pm - 3:30pm. Sometimes it last longer if It gets interrupted (work meetings, video catchup with colleagues ect) or if I try to block it. It's like clockwork. Almost like the time of day is the trigger. Does anyone else experience that?",3 "TW: Trauma talk. ​ I am recently diagnosed. I think, having read a lot of the stories here, I was pretty lucky that when ADHD came onto my radar it was in the form of a diagnosis. But before that, I have a long history of being chronically ill and have lost more and more function as I've gotten older. I am 35, I know this is not ancient, but apparently I have the spine of a 70 year old and some serious mental illness that while not shocking, has kind of thrown me. I've had some drive by mental health care in the past, and often had people throw bi polar or borderline; insisted I just needed to take the right anti depressant and any push back was pretty promptly shut down which in turn lead to me just fucking right off. It's always felt like I'm being punished for trying to be self aware, educated, and looking to engage in my own care. I lucked into my therapist and it is the first time I've had an honest relationship where the professional really put in the work to build the trust. It's been a strange and frightening experience to have a medical professional care enough to do work. I told her why my attempts at help failed in the past, and what I felt I needed for this to be successful and that I honestly didnt think I was going to get it but I'm here to say I tried. She really stepped up. Listened, gave me feedback, guided me to fill in my social history for the full picture instead of just ""Im having a nervous breakdown today."" With the ADHD stuff we realized I just wont remember my periods of emotional overwhelming to be able to go back to later and work on, so we now we text between sessions. I just dump my feelings on a text, she says ""thanks for sharing"" or clarifies if I think I need some help that moment and then we talk about it in my session when I have as predicted forgotten. She called the PCP she referred me to after mine refused to treat me and laid the ground work. The PCP I saw made such a visible effort to put me at ease and acknowledge where I was coming from. I'll be honest, its terrifying. I dont know what to do with people who are so excited to help me. I'm going to take a moment to apologize because I'm pretty sure this is going to ramble a little, even though I am trying to keep my thoughts in order. Its just, I have so much I want to talk about now but I am so afraid to talk about, or to question, or express. So thanks if you're made it so far, cause there's more to go. Every day has been different. My first day on meds was great, and I think it wasn't great because it fixed everything but because it was such a stark contrast to my reality that it was just like Holy Shit What? My day's after that have varied a lot. I had a panic attack coming down off of them, and I wasn't ready for that. But it was just the one. I am noticing some patterns even just one week in on my brain with meds vs without. I have a lot of feedback to give my doctor because, I think the meds are the right route and I know they are working; but I dont think they are working enough for me. It is refreshing to think about these things, and almost anticipate being able to talk to her about it and get more use out of this tool. The part I was unprepared for was a lot of complex, compounded trauma coming up to the surface with this new cognitive clarity. My traumatic past(hilarious putting this out loud, but I am trying to make the effort to use the language and accept the weight of it instead of making a joke and blowing it off) and severe anxiety and depression mixed with being a generally mild mannered and well spoken woman have hidden the crippling executive dysfunction, lack of working memory, forgetfulness, clumsiness, and even I feel some of my chronic pain. I have had, as my husband put it, a week of good days where I normally have maybe two in a month. A good day entails physical activity, keeping track of what I am doing, feeling good about things, having functional pain, doing the small 10 minute tasks that make keeping a house clean manageable instead of descending into chaos. A good day also means I've been able to manage my frustration with myself, identify I'm struggling, and be kind about it. My net gain has been incredible, overall, even if it's still not enough. But I am really hopeful, there is a lot of room yet to gain improvement. I have a lot of grief because the biggest thing with my meds is that I am just so much more present and aware than I have ever been. I want to be clear here I'm not trying to throw a woe is me pity party but the truth is, I really didn't even fully realize how bad everything is. That my every day experience is pretty fucking awful. And I've never sat and really felt the full weight of that. It is a thing I don't look at, and if I don't look at it it will not hurt me(pranks! it always hurts you!) Because ADHD was not on my radar its been pretty staggering seeing for the first time myself reflected in the diagnosis being applied to me. My impression of ADHD before was you had a hard time focusing and fidgeted. I've never had any kind of opinion about it in terms of the pain olympics(which I strive to avoid) and seeing how extremely severe it can be undiagnosed, untreated, and unmanaged has left me in a lot of turmoil. Now I see ADHD everywhere, and I am consciously trying to remind myself that its all co-morbid. I still have these other problems, my life isn't fixed because we finally got One Thing Right. There are other things that will affect my memory and function and I still gotta be kind about it and temper my expectations. But again the part I was not prepared for was this sudden full awareness of the truth of my reality and how awful is. I'm not saying I got a shit life, my life is pretty special and I am very lucky that those scary impulsive jumps I took landed me in safety. But it's hard. And mixed all into that, is a lot of repressed trauma that with my new found awareness and presence and clarity has floated up to the surface. The things that I can type, and joke, and make offhanded disparaging remarks about but if I tried to vocally tell you...I could not. I would lose my voice, and begin to feel as though I am choking on the words. Even now, typing about the physical response of speaking it, I feel my throat tighten. These things I have rough timelines of and can bullet point reference, but have forgotten/repressed much about the specifics, have begin to come in more clear. They just not only come in more clear, they come in more often. It is like a reel in my head, that is constantly playing in the back of my mind and I strive not to look at it. I do all I can not to look at it. Not to articulate it. These are the things we do not put into words. In a weird way I think the ADHD kind of gave me a gift, this layer of added protection that while obviously has greatly negatively impacted my life actually saw me through the times where it would have been unsafe for me to be so consciously affected. My therapist explained it to me, as best I am able to recall/understand that my brain is a lot of bright colors and everything has blended together. Because I am getting treatment, those colors are beginning to sift out and become more clear. That I am more present and aware, so now I am actually seeing the colors and comprehending them. She said it will probably get worse, because now I have to actually comprehend and process. Because now it is not just the bullet points, its these small details, the small memories that make it feel so much more real and present. And not just that but the bigger things I do not look at have become impossible not to see. I am grateful because she prepared me. She told me you are responding to the meds and to therapy and you have finally had good days, but you are going to have a bad day and it will feel all the worse because of it. You will not want to take your medication, you will not want to take care of yourself, you will want to give up and it is ok that you feel that way. You're gonna have a bad day and that is ok, and does not mean you will not have more good days. I had my bad day and she was right, and when she told me I wasn't going to want to take the meds the next day I internally laughed(Not take the meds? are you kidding me? I DID MORE THAN ONE THING TODAY??) but she was right about that too. But I did take my meds, and I did have another bad day but it wasn't as bad as the previous day. But it has made me think a lot and that is part of why I am here I guess. It has been a strange feeling on meds because, I am less inhibited. I have always craved strong connections and interaction with people, but I am often too afraid of being wounded to make the engagement. It took a long time for me to build up the friendships to fulfill those needs. The only person I feel safe to expose these parts of myself to are my husband, and he is always as kind and as empathetic as he can manage being someone who does not have these problems. (Can you believe people still have happy and healthy childhoods that lead to healthy family relationships without mental illness?) It was very surprising to me to talk to him about how I felt on meds and realize he had no idea what I was talking about, and I honestly had thought he always knew. It was shocking to me to not notice how much more I wanted to talk about stuff, because I was actually speaking about it instead of just having an interpersonal monologued daydream. It was eye opening that the person I thought I showed all of me I have only shown fractions, even though I thought I wasn't. And I think that is part of again, where I was unprepared to treat my ADHD and aggravate a lot of trauma I thought I was just over with because I managed not to look at it. I have a lot of feelings about it. A lot of grief, and lot of anger, and honestly just a lot of sadness. In not looking I have managed to believe its just not a big deal, it cant have been that terrible and I am overdramatic for having problems because of it. But there I was on thanksgiving, sobbing in my husbands arms as I vomited the terror of something I hadn't looked at since I was a child and silently begging him to tell me: This was a terrible, horrible thing and I am not just a weak lazy failure of a person for being so devastated. And he did the worst thing, he tried to make a joke to make me feel better because up until now that is how we have managed the things we don't look at. It hurt me, and I cant even fault him because over 8 years of trying to manage trauma triggers alone, this is one of the ways we've managed. He apologized when he saw my face and told me he just didn't know what to do. This has always been how he helped me look away before. And you know what? I was able to realize what I needed and that was for him to tell me exactly I said. That it was terrible and horrible. I need to see the horror of it reflected from him so I could believe it. I am sorry to have written a novel, and rambled a bit. But I have been thinking so much about this and I dont know, looking for some connection or relating with my experience. I have related to so much I have read here and its been a part of me trying to be kinder to myself, to see I am not alone in my experience and my struggle. I've never taken a medication that I felt such a profound positive impact from, and being so self reflective to see and notice these differences and understand myself better has been surreal. I read a post that I think is much of what sparked me to make an account to be this open on. They were upset and frustrated to not have a eureka moment at taking meds after reading a lot of peoples strong positive reactions to theirs. They went over all these kind of baseline positive changes and made the comment ""nothing super big"" and I felt so sad because, those all feel incredibly huge to me. That slight lack of inhibition to see and say--woah, I see you trying to help me but present and medicated me actually needs THIS instead is just unreal to me. Not only that I can do that, but I DID do that. My support system is all excited to see me responding and I've just been honest, yo these meds have been lifechanging and terrible. They've helped me get just better enough to really fucking suffer the experience of my reality, but thank goodness I can see why that is positive and I've got the support to help remind me. We are breaking and resetting bones. There is a lot of room yet to improve. I think it can get better. I am hopefully devastated.",0 "i’ve been debating on when/ if i should get admitted into one for a few reasons, but i’ve been this way so long, maybe all the time. anyways, i guess the question is does it make any difference ? what if i do go, and when i get out everything just all falls in the exact same place i’m at now ? should i just suck it up and deal with it ? any advice helps :/",2 Its such a long fucking story. I just wanna be normal. I wish i could not be so insecure. Fuck.,2 "Guys. I want to save you a lot of time here. I have ADHD. I have autism. I have dyspraxia. These are 3 of the big ""hidden disabilities"", i.e. we are too ""clever"" to be seen as ""disabled"" Instead, people accuse us of being ""lazy"", ""arrogant"", ""try harder to pay attention"", ""go get a job, you bum"" type of stuff Look. If you have any of these 3 conditions, your SHORT-TERM, WORKING MEMORY is impaired. Imagine if the average person could hold 7 things in their working memory. It's quite possible that maybe we can hold 3 things, 2 things, 4 things. I don't know precisely how many. We are, quite simply, a ""low RAM computer"". If you are a ""low RAM computer"", you are never going to be able to ""work things out quickly on the spot"". If you try to ""work things out in advance"", this is like, when a computer runs out of RAM, and it transfers memory back and forth from the hard drive, and notice how slow that is? Have you ever seen this on your computer? When it runs out of RAM? Then it uses hard drive as RAM. Then it's really slow? Yeah, that's us. Guys. Our strength with autism, is that we have a great, phenomenal LONG-TERM memory. OK. But here is the problem. If we are stuck in ""observer"" mode, then we never get the DOPAMINE that we need to get things done. The way that dopamine works, is like a ""sugar high"". You eat some sugar. You get a spike. But then it drops. Now you need to top it up with another high. That is how sugar works, doesn't it? And that is also how DOPAMINE works. Interestingly enough, eating sugar actually literally boosts dopamine. You know what else boosts dopamine? Doing things! If we FAIL at something when doing it, we should then just try again. OK, this can be hard in the workplace, because they fire you if you are too slow. OK, so you practise the job at home. And set up your home just like the workplace. And then practise at home. Once again, though, don't think through HOW to do the job in ADVANCE. Instead, you JUST DO IT. By doing it, you learn where you are going wrong, and you improve. To give a really simple example. If you ever worked at a McDonald's. They just literally put you on the restaurant and say ""do it"". There is basically no training. They just put you right into the busy restaurant right away, and just do it What you are supposed to do at this McDonald's, is just do something. Just start by making the burger, even guess some ingredients. Making something is better than nothing. Just pick it up, by trial and error, as you go along. They are never going to fire you at a McDonald's, because they are so desperate for staff. In some parts of the US, they are literally paying people to show up for a McDonald's interview! In Florida, paying people $50 just to show up! Even if you can't be bothered to have a full shower. Just get in the shower, and wash just your back with the shower. Hence, even if you aren't perfect in washing your entire body, you at least washed some of it. I suspect that we don't like all the turning and twisting, and fine motor movements in the shower. So, just stand in there and wash your back this time around. Next time, get in the shower and wash your front. Not sure which job is the best one to work? Just pick the first one that sounds plausible! Not sure which clothes to wear today? Just wear the first ones that fit. Not sure which girl you want to approach for a date? Just pick the first one. If it fails, pick another one. We are people, who, no matter how hard we try, we will ALWAYS screw it up the first time. People with autism will ALWAYS screw it up the first time. You WILL fail the first time. Sure, once you learn a routine, you will now succeed each day, the first time you do it. But how about before you learned that routine? You screwed it up the first time, didn't you? The reason we cannot do things in autism, is because we are scared of failing the first time. You will ALWAYS fail the first time. How about talking to other people? Have you noticed how, if you ask someone a question, many people just say ""no"" by default? They didn't even mean ""no"". They just do it instinctively. You might as well ignore whether someone says ""yes"" or ""no"". They are equal to each other. You learn something either way. You might as well ignore if you are feeling ""happy"" or ""sad"" today. Instead, ""happy"" and ""sad"" are exactly the same thing. Merge them and all them ""emotion"". And then, anything in between is ""non emotion"". Make it binary. I am just saying, from my personal experience, that every time I try to THINK UP IN ADVANCE what to do, I get into ENDLESS PERFECTIONISM, ENDLESS CHECKING BEHAVIOUR, ENDLESS INDECISIVENESS. But it's deeper than that. Your brain has already detected that you are ridiculously indecisive. Your brain has already detected everything that I just wrote. Thus, even THINKING ABOUT thinking about things, is already making you anxious. Your brain has already figured out that it sucks at thinking. Your brain knows that it needs ""trial and error"". Even thinking about ""thinking about"", is making an endless anxiety loop. Just do things. When you fail, and you WILL fail, it then goes into the long-term memory, which is actually what we are amazing at with autism. Our brain is just a long-term database, chess brain, type thing. We do amazingly in this long-term thing here. We are simply building up, through failure, a long-term database of routines that work and don't. Our autistic brain is seemingly nothing other than a database of long-term rehearsed routines. It's like transferring an instruction from hard drive to RAM, and then it just runs. The only way to interrupt an instruction in RAM, is basically to ""kill task"" altogether, or shut down the entire computer. There is no ability to debate or change the actual task while it is in the process of running in RAM. This is why we should just do things. Just do, do, do. We suck at thinking. Just do it.",3 Recently I’ve been having really intrusive thoughts and I can’t figure out if they are real or not. I saw a girl today that I thought was attractive at first but then realised was way younger than me(17m) I looked away. I was walking around in a store and my brain kept telling me to look at her again and again. It’s like my brain is wanting me to look. Like I want the thoughts. I’m really worried about what this means. I’m I a real pedophile?,1 "It’s not even to the point where I’m filled with anxiety anymore, it’s just annoying as hell to be honest. There are moments that send me really spiraling and worrying but I am just so annoyed. My cats snoring, it’s distracts me so I must have ADHD I chew my lip, must be ADHD or Autism I get upset at someone, I must be a narcissist I find someone attractive, I must be a sociopath who views people as objects EVERYTHING I DO IS A MENTAL ILLNESS. I’m just so tired and annoyed at this point.",1 "So for the past 5 months, I've been stuck on 1 particular belief ""*if someone is determined to hurt me, there is nothing I can do to stop them*"". Not totally sure why I had this believe, because the second time he tried, I fought back and won. But I believed it, regardless. When I first started therapy, and I was explaining *why* it happened, I told my therapist about the 3 different ways a cat(predator) can catch a mouse (prey): The Cat can pick it's target, and stalk the mouse. The Cat can sit, waiting, ready to pounce on it. Or the cat could just be napping in a sunbeam, when a mouse wanders by.(I believe this is what happened to me. He just noticed the first opportunity, and went for it) Then, this morning, I watched my mom's cat, totally fail at killing a mouse. He caught it with his mouth, but the mouse spun around, and bit his lip. Cat dropped it, and both took off. That's when I realized, I was only focused in on how the predator can win, not the prey. The cat only catches the mouse that does what the cat expects. If The mouse, for 1 second, doesn't ""act the part"" of prey, the predator stops working in its ""comfort zone"", and loses its upper hand(paw) over the prey. The prey CAN win. It's not a 1 way street! Has anyone else had a cat-related realisation? Or had the same stuck point?",3 "Conversely , If you have a depressive brain, what haven't killed you before will come back to kill you later. Because you just don't have any energy left to fight.",2 "I have made peace with almost everything in my life. My uni/job path, my body, the color of my skin, friends.. everything is fine except for the part regarding romantic relationships. This unfortunately is also the part for which I feel the most desire for. I've been longing for my first relationship for so long now (m24) that it's been eating me up from the inside and questions my while existence which I usually feel comfortable with. I'm just questioning why I should continue and keep hoping when I know for certain that I won't be able to find someone. That this most important aspect of my life won't be fulfilled...",2 "I'm a neurotypical female, but I've always wanted to know why the Manosphere (redpill, MGTOW, looksmaxxing, incel, etc.) communities tend to have a high rate of people on the spectrum? I was lurking on a thread on one of their forums where a bunch of lads took an Autism Quotient test. Those who replied had high AQ scores.",3 "I feel like the biggest pussy ever. I'm in the US Navy right? I have job security, a decent work group of people I work with (I guess), my leadership is extremely toxic, I leave for a 8 month deployment next week... I am just all over the place right now. I have a 3 year old kid and I am married, granted I love and adore my wife and child, but the amount of time and energy I spend with Navy to miss the amount of time I get with my daughter is NOT worth it. I hate this, I feel so stuck. I have absolutely became an alcoholic, I drink almost a bottle a day when I get off work to keep me sane, the amount of money I make is so stressful especially before I leave my wife and kid when I deploy... I started a dropshipping company and made 80k in 2 months but had to stop it because of how often I'm gone and I had nobody else to run the company. I want out. I need out. This is shit, and I regret every decision I can think of within the Navy.... I'm so lost and feel so alone, idk what to do at this point...",2 Does working through ocd in general provide the same results rather than focusing on each individual theme? Mine obviously stems from anxiety so I wonder if by working on that it would cancel out my ocd?,1 "Recently, some of my friends graduated college and I think I should feel happy for them, but I just don't and I don't understand why. And it's not just on this one occasion, I'm mostly unable to feel happy for others in general, if something good happens to someone else I will try my best to be supportive and show enthusiasm, I've said ""I'm happy for you"" even though I don't really feel it because I think that's how I'm supposed to be feeling, and I feel guilty that I actually don't. To be more specific, if something good happens to a friend I usually feel either neutral, like there are no positive feelings that I can pinpoint or name, or sometimes even a little annoyed, which I assume is because I'm kind of envious, and I feel guilty about that afterwards. I try my best to never show it, and I think I'm successful almost all the time, but I really wish I could genuinely feel that enthusiasm and joy for them, and I don't understand why I can't. I feel like a fraud and a bad person. This issue has made me wonder if something is wrong with me thought the years, I feel very self-conscious about it and also kind of envious of others for being able to experience joy that way, I think it's a big part of friendship, and that's also something I struggle with, maintaining friendships. I've been sad for a big chunk of my life, and sometimes I think this is one of the reasons for that. Does anything like this happen to anyone else? I've never dared to share it with anyone before, not even my therapist.",3 "So, I know this will sound gross, because it is, but I have dishes that I haven’t cleaned in like 2 weeks still here. I am doing better in my everyday life in terms of keeping up with things and just maintaining some sort of structure, but both eating and doing the dishes continue to be my biggest issue. Because they’ve been there for a quite a while, they have food stuck to them and therefore become an even bigger pain to wash. Any advice would be great. Treat me like an alien that has never heard of dishes, because quite frankly I know nothing. Also, if anyone has any tips not specific to just the actual cleaning part, but how you get into the routine of doing it, etc, that would be great too!! Thanks!!",0 "I’ve recently discovered that a lot of autistic people have dietary issues that lead to gut problems, diarrhoea and constipation. What have you had to change to accomodate this? Asking because I’ve had problems basically my whole life.",3 "It's been hanging over my life since I was a kid, through school and employment and unemployment and moving to a different country and living in my parents house to being homeless, through the periods where I was going to therapy and not going to therapy and on meds and not on meds. It seems that no matter what changes happen in my life, my depression never goes away.",2 Has anyone else been so embarrassed after going almost mute with a new friend - that they avoided them for months?,3 "So i THINK, that i have depression, but i'm not really sure. (I apologize for any mistake i make, i'm not a native speaker and my head is all over the place right now) So to understand my situation we need to go 7 years back in time. 2014 i was in highschool back then (15 yo), I had my first panic attack, i rushed to the nurse, she examined me and told me that everything was fine. The attacks became regular and me and my parents thought that it was some kind of heart disease (like anyone else at first). I was examined by a dozens of doctors, but they didn't found anything either. I was devastated, so in my last moments of hope, i tried to look up my symptons online. That was the first time when i saw the word ""anxiety"" written down in this context, as a disease. And something happened. It seems like, that my willpower was so strong back then, that i was like ""Oh so it's all in my head, then it's nothing"" And they stopped, i was able to make it stop, just like that. Fast forward to 2021, i got Covid in March, it wasn't pleasent but i managed through it with minor/mild symptoms. I was fine...for a while. In April it caught my attention that i can't breath properly. I thought that Covid fucked up my lungs, so i went to the doctor...and again...nothing. My fucking anxiety is back, and it's stronger than ever. Since May i can't go out with friends cause if i have to go anywhere i'm instantly having a panic attack. I can go to work but that's about it. I somehow managed to go out sometimes, but since September it's just straight up bad. I'm so fucking tired all the time, my head hurts, i'm dizzy, i can't concentrate. I dont feel like myself too, like i'm watching myself or something, my memories are fading, i mean i can remember them, but it feels like a different persons memories, am i disconnecting from reality ? I overthink every little thing, like hows this gonna affect my life and THIS is what makes me so depressed, it feels like i can't take it anymore. I'm phisically tired all the time and sometimes can't breath properly. Is this an anxiety disorder, schizophrenia, major depression, or all of them and one is a root cause to the others. I just wanna sleep, or better yet, be myself again, because honestly, this is not a life worth living. Thanks for reading, i hope you are feeling better than me, stranger",2 "I’m a 21F I feel awful for feeling the way I do when there are people out there with real problems, I feel like everyone is pissed off with me lately which I don’t blame them I’m not exactly the most fun person to be around. I hate everything about myself I’m a disgusting fat bitch and don’t ever really see things getting better for me at this point. I’ve got nothing going for my life and don’t see the point in sticking around anymore. I’d be doing everyone a favour by ending it all",2 I am not even sure where to begin... For months I've been struggling to cope with my mother passing from COVID-19 then my father moves on with another woman days later. The worse part is that I'm trapped living in our childhood home since last year due to the pandemic and my financial situation deteriorating. My wife and I are struggling to find a place to live as every other day he threatens us by saying things like he's putting the house on sale within a month then extends to 6 months. He goes back and forth on that and it's an unstable environment. The worse part of it all is the realization that I grew up in a very dysfunctional religious family. I'm on antidepressants and I'm not even sure if it's working for me but I'm able to atleast read other stories and hold strong knowing you all are going through it too. If anyone lives down south in Florida I am sure you know the struggle is real. We have been outbidded or outpriced on rent for places to live and it's seriously affecting me and my ability to get above water. It's a jumble of a paragraph but this unreal hell that I've been through and I don't really have any family or friends to lean on at this moment. I feel like a failure for not being able to take care of my SO or my doggo. Hope someone can relate. Stay strong.,2 "It feels like I’m shedding these hardened layers, these armadillo shields that have fused with my flesh. Every attempt to loosen them is painful and real even though no one can see the hold they have on me. I’m left feeling emotionally raw and vulnerable but also incredibly hopeful and alert to keep those shields from fusing to my flesh again. Slowly I can see this foreign underbelly as the layers peel away. I can see a softness I miss, a new carefree and joyful feeling, and I feel lighter all over. My muscles ache less, my steps aren’t weighted and my mind feels sharper. Some days the very shields I have loosened from my flesh suddenly surround me, blocking my vision, shortening my breath. They threaten to overtake me and fear multiplies, captivating my thoughts. They can render me powerless if I allow it. These looming towers of shame, guilt and anger...they look so powerful hovering over my tender, pink exposed flesh. Yet when I uncurl my body, my long lines stretching and flexing new found strength, I suddenly see I am the powerful one.",3 "I’m afraid that no one will take me seriously because of what happened. I had people telling me that I was overreacting/causing drama/lying, and I constantly question myself because of it",3 "The world will never have an autistic nation state. Why? Autism can be easily faked. You will get spies as infiltrators. Autism diagnosis is easily researched in the DSM and online. In the future, perhaps there is a brain scan that can scientifically prove autism. OK, and then spies will hack into the brain scanning machine and produce a fake ""proof"" of autism. And how about Elon Musk's Neuralink? Musk claims he will ""cure"" autism, by altering the brain. But surely, Neuralink can also ""cause"" autism too. So, spies can use Neuralink to deliberately cause autism and once again, infiltrate. Everything in this world can be duplicated and faked. I sometimes think that the entire condition of autism is a ""disorder of duplicates"", where we don't realise how easily we can fake things.",3 "psychiatrist just prescribed me Seroquel. Picking it up tomorrow, anyone have an experience with seroquel? What should i expect, from what i have seen online it sounds horrible.",2 "Hi reddit im an 18 y/o autistic male who suffers from depression and my mother keeps asking stuff like ""whats wrong"" and""you don't seem ok"" and stuff like this. I keep lying to her and saying ""its fine blablabla"" and the usual. I don't want to tell her anything bc my mom has her own slew of issues like adhd, depression herself, and so on. How do I get her to leave me alone?",2 "Today is Friday, and it caps off a rough week for me. I'm not going to go into details, except that the one constant I felt this week was loneliness. I have a wife and child. They are amazing, but trauma can be so isolating. I'm starting to come out of this particular cloud, so I thought I'd pay things forward. Tell me what hurts, and I'll tell you why you deserve love.",3 What if it’s not ocd but just normal deserved guilt that they should feel and not need to get out of by wondering if it ocd. The person mentioned in the title is me btw.,1 "I see all these posts about Aspies and their love of animals, I don't hate them, but I have no need to be around them, they're dirty. I have goats and cows, I like them and I go see them when I water and feed them, but I don't want them to come in the house and I'm not interested in hugging them, I pet them and then go wash my hands. Am I the only aspie who doesn't really have a deep connection with animals, or a desire to be around them a lot?",3 "I bought a new TV. It doesn’t fit on my TV unit. Had to add two shelves to the side of the TV unit, they’re black, the TV unit is white. The colour palette is off. Now it’s getting dangerously close to my dollhouse where I spend time on the floor playing with my dolls, and I can’t do that if there’s a shelf in the way. And now my rocking chair has to move, and now there’s no place for it. And now my books that were next to my rocking chair look awkward and out of place. I only put together the room last week, I spent 9 hours making it how it was, so it could keep me calm, and now everything is out of place and every time I think about it, I cry. I want to return the TV. It’s not worth it. I just want my room back.",3 I occasionally use edibles to relax and it does its job. The problem is that my girlfriend says that when Im not high I dont really say nice things to her. Does anyone else have this problem? I dont know what to do to fix it. I try to be nice and happy when im not under the effect but it apparently doesnt come out the same,3 "I don't know if this fits the sub but i have no where else to vent about this so here i go. Tw: violence and death 5 years ago I watched my best friend, a man who trusted me and loved me, die in front of me. I remember just this feeling in my gut at a certain point where i knew something was wrong then i looked over just in time to watch his head get caved in and i remember distinctly becoming fixated on these brown boots he had just lying there then his lifeless body be dragged up the street by the arms. I don't really want to get into much more detail but suffice to say for an hour after that i was completely numb. I felt nothing but a strange vibrating sensation in my teeth and ringing in my ears. Eventually though after everyone was safe and i was heading out i started laughing. I don't mean giggling, i mean full belly, uncomfortably loud, laughing. I couldn't control it and i remember i wanted to scream, punch, cry, puke, something, literally anything else but i just couldn't. That went on for a long while and according to a person assigned to watch me during that time it was the most terrifying thing he had ever seen. I believe him honestly because it scared me too. Nowadays it bothers me though. I had just seen something that undoubtedly resulted in me being here today and all i could do was laugh. I guess i'm just here hoping i'm not alone in that type of response.",3 "Hello, I’m not diagnosed with ADHD but I do plan on looking for a professional assessment. I’ve been rethinking every single aspect of my life since I was a child and I think ADHD would describe my behavior fittingly. It may be a dumb question, but is ADHD influenced by genetics? My dad has it and so does my brother, and considering I think I may have it as well, I was wondering if genetics played a role in it.",0 "I can't really explain it but it's when you touch somthing by accident or on purpose but you didn't touch it ""good enough"" When this happens to me I have to touch it over and over and over again just to feel satisfaction, if not it will stay in the back of my head and keep bothering me, but I'm rarely satisfied even If I touched it again and again many times. Also it might happen if somthing touches me and then I can kind of still feel it even if it's not touching me anymore and I kind of have to rub it off with my hand. Is that because of my OCD or am I just stupid and this happens to everyone?",1 "I just joined a new team at work which is great. However, I got the dreaded 'tell us about yourself' prompt, but to a whole new level. They've asked me to fill out a PowerPoint template with a dozen questions and to include pics 'the more funny pics the better!' This PowerPoint will be shared with the team and upper management. I've always struggled with sharing personal info at work because it is hard for me to determine what is appropriate and socially acceptable. So I typically resolve to share the minimum I can get away with and still be considered a part of the team. How can I navigate this request? I feel like over sharing my interests will make me look weird, but under sharing or lieing will make me look distant or fake.",3 " Ive always self identified as being the happy go lucky, bubbly personality kind of person. Ever since I was a kid. I love to laugh and to make people laugh. I’m a huge empath. I was recently diagnosed with anxiety, ptsd and severe depression. Not too long ago my therapist asked me on a scale of 1-10, how depressed do I feel. I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t answer her because I couldn’t even remember what a baseline felt like. Up to this point I just haven’t even thought of myself as a person who’s depressed. Just a happy person, who has bad days and life can be tough for everyone, right? But today when my doctor was done with her assessment and I had answered all of her questions she looked at me and said ‘You’ve been through a lot, and you’re severely depressed.’ It all clicked then. As her words faded into the background and my thoughts amplified in my mind I realized that I’ve been so tired for so long because I’ve exhausted so much energy into faking that generalized happiness and bubbly personality for everyone around me. And it all comes crashing down when I’m alone. I’m not sure if this is a step forward or a step backwards, but I can’t help but to feel excited to find that baseline again. I’m hopeful that someday in the future, I’ll wake up without the fog that I never even realized was looming over my life. I hope to feel joy again.",3 https://www.reddit.com/r/vexillology/comments/r8hit5/i_made_a_few_new_variants_of_the_autism_pride/,3 "It may sound obvious but hmh hear my situation out: so like, these days I got so used to these thoughts I can like ""sense"" an intrusive thought coming sometimes. And I would show a physical reaction to this such as by sudden twitches/jerking of my arms or neck, squinting my eyes hard, etc. which often somehow deflects these thoughts from actually materializing. However, today- suddenly- I 'sensed' an intrusive thoughts coming again so I started having physical reactions to it again but then an intrusive thoughts just blurted out in my mind very strongly and clearly despite this and it's freaking me out because of how strongly it came and like how strongly it sounded like me (like obviously but like I almost couldn't tell if it was my own voice-thought or my intrusive thought). The thought was also structured a bit more differently than the usual ones. God, why did it suddenly change up like this? And why couldn't my usual physical tics deflect it?",1 "I'm just wondering if I'm alone here. My depression seemed to have just, started, a year and a half ago when I was diagnosed by my doctor. I've been on meds since then and have been back and forth with a counselor. I just don't get it. I never really seemed to have problems before. Without going into details, I had a personal relationship that I screwed up badly and tried to repair. Things didn't work out. I ended up losing my job from it. That's when everything went wrong mentally, emotionally, and physically. I feel like sleeping all the time, I have very low energy. I went through a spell where I thought I was going to harm myself, but I got scared. To this day, I never feel motivated or like doing much of anything. I don't like being around my family, doing any of the hobbies I used to enjoy. Like, it literally takes effort to do something like, put a movie on, but minutes later I shut it off, unable to be engaged in it. In the past year I've gained a lot of weight, close to 70 pounds. I've never been anywhere close to this weight in my entire life. I ruminate over and over on the mistakes made through that relationship. It's in my thoughts 24/7, and I constantly have bad dreams about it. I know I'm rambling, but I keep wondering if I'm alone here. Does depression sometimes just, happen? All of this is real, like I can't shut it off. But I just I don't understand how a normal, healthy person can get like this.",2 "20 years of education, then work until pension, then you die after pension. What is the point? Surviving until I die, that's it? Ofcourse there is some free time, but the time not being free is way more and also depletes energy for when you do have free time. I want to play games and piano, but after working on college asignments, I don't have the energy to do that. The only thing I result to is watching Netflix, because that doesn't take energy.",3 "I'm tired. The world is truly a horrible place where money is king. Either you're a rich elite, a middle man lining the pockets of said elite, or an unhoused person that society forgot and wants dead. I don't want to spend the rest of my thirties or beyond feeling this way every day. Extended family broke contact with me after my mom's death in 2013. My father just could take me or leave me, he's moved on. I have no friends in my area. I work a shitty customer service job answering emails from shitty Karens about shitty snake oil products that are bullshit anyway. Four kinds of meds haven't worked, and I don't find true joy in anything. Just stupid forced laughs at TV shows and YouTube videos I don't actually care about. I love animals and thought maybe volunteering to help cats and dogs would give me purpose at least, but no shelter in my area has replied back to my emails or applications to volunteer. I plan on buying a gun after the holidays and learning how to shoot myself correctly so I don't botch it. Thanks for letting me vent into the universe.",2 "Hi all. I recently found this subreddit. I've struggled with the thought of having ptsd for a while, and I can't tell whether or not I do. I associate ptsd with extreme traumatic circumstances, i.e war, police work, first responders, extreme physical abuse cases, etc. The abuse I've suffered is emotional as well as mental, but was never physical. However, memories, seeing things that remind me of the person that did it, seeing the person (pictures, name, etc.) and even certain mannerisms or phrases that remind me of them send me into a panic attack. I don't really know what to call this. I know I should get a professional opinion, but I lack both funds and the ability to tell someone about what really happened to me. I thought maybe this subreddit would give me at least some clarity or help on that. Thanks!",3 "Especially considering I’m a guy, I’ve never thought I was depressed, just someone who prefers being alone. I thought this way up until I recently hung out with my lifelong friends, just to wish I was alone at home. Anywho, no way in hell I’m going to a therapist, other than that any tips?",2 "Does the 30 days of a prescription include the day of pickup or is it 30 days from picking up? (Ex: if I picked up my prescription on oct 1, can I refill on the 30th or would it have to be the 31st, which is usually the way I would run out) I had to use a days worth of my last prescription the day I picked it up and I’m unsure if trying to pickup would be considered early as I would rather avoid the pharmacy glares.",0 "I got my diagnosis for complex ptsd a month ago. Therapy has been horrible. It helps but I always leave feeling horrible and depressed. I talk about my trauma and my emotionally abusive mother and family, and today I made the realization that everyone I ever got close with turned out to be emotionally abusive. My whole life, I’ve had to play the parent and responsible one to everyone around me. It fucking sucks. It makes me feel broken because, if everyone around me turns emotionally abusive, am I the problem? Then I walk out of therapy and I’m expected to be ok. I always have therapy at 10am every week, with plans and appointments scheduled throughout the day after that, and I’m just supposed to suck it all back in after remembering things I repressed for a reason and ugly crying for an hour. Today I went to therapy and afterwards I felt deeply depressed. I kept hearing a voice in my head mutter *”BROKEN”* over and over again. My therapist tells me I’m not broken but I feel there’s something desperately wrong with me. I feel suicidal. I used to want to die all the time until I started taking my medication and it went away. But now I feel suicidal after therapy. It feels like no one in the world loves me, I mean truly loves me, my future seems fucked to me because I’ve been to hell and back with my mental state over the past decade and I keep telling myself that I am only 21, I’m way too young to feel this way. Not to mention the world seems to be literally burning in front of my eyes before I can even experience it. I hate having to reconcile with myself every week to remind me that I’m not broken and there’s a reason to go on living. I just hate it. I wish I could take a long time off but I’m in college, taking time off would mean dropping out. I’m just so tired. I know that I would never harm myself but I just hate feeling so powerless.",3 "I know that many people in here have problems with loud noise. But do some of you also struggle dealing with silence? My TV is always on when I'm at home, even late night (thanks neighbours for not complaining lol), I keep water on when I brush my teeth, I have to keep the window open (and obviously TV on) when I eat, I tend to speak loud without noticing it in public quiet places, I hate libraries, I like crowded places, I feel good during strong storms (quite common here, yes!), ... When I had to move I even looked for a new flat near a street with a lot of traffic. Am I the only one?",3 "The first 2 weeks I was on Ritalin I just didn’t eat but everything else was good! Nausea was worth the peace. The past few days after taking them I feel like I can’t breathe. It’s not the obvious panic attacks, but more like when you’re just sitting completely still looking dissociated. It’s a side effect to feel “nervous/anxious”. First I thought it was just my asthma. But I can’t breathe, I tremble and I’m basically immobile. I feel like crying, I wasted most of my day feeling like this. How do you get out of those panic attacks? I only know what to do with those were I’m pacing around or practically rocking back and forth :( my peace turned to hell and idk why",0 "Ya it sucks, I hate my life, my life sucks, and is extremely pointless. The worst Part is the social Isolation, I can't talk about this shit on Facebook because last time I mentioned the word sucide I had the police kicking down my door. Yep I wasn't sucidal, I didn't threaten sucide. I talked about it, and was forcefully dragged out of my house at Gun point. So ya. The Isolation makes it tough, and I have been known to be suicidal at time's. I'm just tired of this bullshit. I'm tired of family treating me like shit, there the one's who gave me PTSD. I'm tired of being forced into a position where I can't escape the abuse, and I can't even renue my driver's license without the abuser entering my life. I feel like I'm in hell.",3 "First of all I want to start by saying if you have any doubt or show any small symptom of any kind of ADD/ADHD please for the love of god, consult a professional! With that out of the way, I can start telling about myself a bit. I am 25 years old and fresh out of university. Boy believe me when I tell you University was hell to go through, at least academically. So was high school and middle school for that matter. But it wasn't always like that. In my early years I've always been dubbed as a bright kid. The things the other kids struggled came easy to me. I don't know if this is true as I don't remember clearly that early into my life but my mother says that I've learned reading when I was 4 or 5, without any outside help. I mean it seems unreal to me but my mother is not a person that usually lies and she's very religious and she swore to me on the god she believes in when I asked her to. Then, things kind of started to fall apart. My class mates could easily understand stuff such as math and could memorize long pieces of written word such as national anthem and whatnot. When I asked them how they would just say they were studying. It didn't compute in my brain. When I tried to study, my thoughts would turn into sludge, memories into jelly. The information was right there but I just couldn't reach it, it felt like when you're in a nightmare, running from a monster or trying to punch someone but your body feels like it's encased in amber or something. Also it was murder to complete my dissertation paper to finally graduate from sports science faculty, I procrastinated the living crap out of it. And studying didn't end yet, noooooo. In my country if you want to be a teacher, you have to take a series of exams that first tests your general knowledge in topics like maths, Turkish (I'm Turkish) history, geography and so on. Second one is on educational theory. And finally the third is on one's particular field which in my case is physical education. Long story short, me and studying didn't go hand in hand. Now comes the day that all of that changed. At least for now. Today my doctor prescribed me Concerta 36mg. I took it around 11.30-12.00 noon time, as soon as I got it. At first everything was normal, my wife and I went to the mall after the appointment, got some groceries, browsed some stores and got back home about three hours later. But I could feel something different. The first thing I usually do when we get home is turn on the pc and get undressed while it boots (no ssd, an old hdd takes a long time I tell you). But today I went to get into my home clothes and went straight into putting away groceries, cleaning the kitchen, putting the dishes in the machine, taking out the trash and after that two straight hours of studying, quick break to play a couple of games with a friend of mine for about half an hour and one and a half hour more of studying and I don't feel exhausted neither physically nor mentally. It's like someone applied WD-40 on the cogs in my brain. The crash still didn't happen I guess, as I was able to write this LONG ASS drivel with no pauses or distraction, which is a miracle in itself. So what I'm saying is basically, first, yay me! And second don't put off getting help when it can get much, much better. This subreddit has helped me realize that I have a condition and I am not just a lazy person. So I thank you all from the bottom of my heart, you magnificent people! I could only pick one flair but I guess this is celebration, tips and suggestion and rant all rolled into one. Sorry!",0 "edit #2: i am going to preface this by saying PLEASE actually read my post before leaving a comment about how people shouldn’t decide what is and isn’t trauma. i do not support using trauma as a competition to see whose is worse, and it’s never okay to try and discredit other’s traumatic experiences. i am also 100% NOT saying that an incident is only traumatic if it fits ptsd criteria. this post was only meant to express my frustration with people who use the term ptsd to describe healthy, normal negative feelings, and people who like to make compilations of courage the cowardly dog and call it their “childhood trauma.” if you have any other issues with the post, i’ve probably addressed it in a comment. i don’t want anyone to feel like their experiences are invalid because of what i wrote. so now that i’ve cleared that up, here’s the original post: it’s so exhausting to see people constantly claim to have ptsd and claim that every. negative. experience. they have had is “trauma.” throughout my time on social media i have seen SO many people claim to have ptsd from a significant other cheating, losing a friend due to petty drama, etc. i am not trying to invalidate anyone by saying that these experiences aren’t hard and that they can’t be traumatic, and i have no problem with people asking about this to genuinely understand the disorder, but by definition in the DSM you do not qualify for a ptsd diagnosis unless you have been “exposed to one or more event(s) that involved death or threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or threatened sexual violation,” by either you directly experiencing it, witnessing it occur to another person, learning of it happening to a close friend or relative, or being repeatedly exposed to details of a distressing event. i am so tired of opening up to people about my PTSD and hearing “oh yeah i have ptsd too, my girlfriend left me for someone else.” like...really? do NOT compare me being raped, someone nearly getting killed, or witnessing an act of extreme violence to you having a bad break up. it’s fucking insensitive, minimizing, and plain disrespectful to everyone with a ptsd diagnosis. im sorry if this sounded harsh, but i am just so fed up and tired of this shit. it’s hurtful. edit: i am not talking about people who actually have ptsd and choose to only share smaller events. i am also not saying it’s okay to compare traumas to see who’s is “worse,” and i am not trying to tell people what is and isnt trauma. im just stating that recently people have been throwing the term “ptsd” around the same way they do adhd and ocd, and it’s actually really harmful.",3 I will talk privately I don’t feel like going into discussion here about this but if anyone is willing I’d appreciate it.,3 "Every time I have a personal phone call or take an embarrassing picture or write a personal note to myself, or anything like that I become extremely anxious and starts obsessively checking ALL my social media accounts repeatedly a million time in the fear that I posted it somewhere by mistake or that I was streaming or whatever. I would literally keep refreshing the pages until my anxiety goes away. It’s very tiring and time consuming because it’s even includes my email and my university websites and anything that comes to my mind at that time. For that reason I deleted so many apps on my phone and I’m always avoiding taking any pictures or write something personal or saying something personal on a phone call. I also turn off my phone completely and put far away from me when I’m planning to say a secret or something to someone in person. It really helps when I ask a friend to check my social media accounts for me and tells me taht everything is fine. But... Does anyone have the same problem??",1 "I don't know how to explain my self, but i'll try it. For years, i was bullied. And I also had an accident with a roller coaster. I have triggers for bought things. Somebody have something similar?, it's possible?",3 I can’t put my finger on it but I walk in a slightly strange way. When I run it’s more like a scramble than a run. I have another friend with autism who walks in a similar way and I’m wondering if it is an Aspergers thing? Both of us were quite late with walking and other physical milestones.,3 I’m so depressed at the moment and I’m struggling with constant suicidal thoughts. At this point I’m willing to try anything because nothing I’ve done before has worked at all. Micro dosing is one of those last ditch attempts but I have no idea how to start given where I live.,3 "Hello fellow aspies. I am having a lot of anxiety lately (a stable comorbidity with my diagnose) and I wanted to ask you something. Does any of you ever experience a feeling like your heart is ”skipping a beat”/Turning around/stops for an instant. It happens sometimes when I’m very stressed and there’s been a lot of that the last year thanks to Covid. It always happens when I’m relaxing and sitting still. Never when I’m physically active. There is no warning, it just suddenly happens. It lasts less than a second but it always gives me a mental ”jolt” of anxiety and Death-fear. For the shortest instant my mind thinks my heart stops and I’m going to die. And it is always followed by a major anxiety attack where I’m unable to sit or stand still and just pace around my apartment like a wounded animal for hours on end. There can be several weeks or even months between these ”attacks” but in tough times they can also show up as often as once a day. I’ve been told they are called ”Extra Systoles” and should be harmless (and a sign of stress). I’ve been to the Doctor to get an EKG and it reads normal. I’ve also had my blood pressure and pulse measured and it is fine, although I know I’m out of shape (no gym during covid) I also have an appointment at the heart department at the hospital for a more thorough checkup just to make sure. Is this something anyone else has experienced? How did you deal with it. How do I relax enough for these things to stop or how do I learn to deal mentally when they happen. I would appreciate any feedback you can give me.",3 "Hey everyone, so my boyfriend (of 4 years) is high functioning/asperger's. Him and his grandmother are extremely close, from what I've gathered she practically raised him. So, now she is 89 years old, and nearing the end of her life, and he is taking it really hard. He has never opened up to me about any of this, but I can tell he is really struggling. He keeps everything to himself typically, and really has a hard time with emotions, naturally. What would be the best way for me to support him and help him through this tough time?",3 "I’ll think of something I want or need, go find it online and spend hours trying to find a same day/next day shipping option. Otherwise I won’t order it because I really don’t want to have to wait on it. Then when it arrives I’ll forget to actually open it for a couple days, maybe a week. The box just sits there. It really makes no sense",0 "I have never been good at any job I've done except my current job as a cover supervisor at a school, I absolutely love it and has ignited a love of teaching. The only problem is my current job pays too little to live on and this means that my girlfriend gets upset that I can't contribute to doing things such as going on holiday or even going away for a weekend. I very much want to teach as a career now but to do so I would need to get a degree and to do this with my current job would mean a 6 year part time university course, which as many of you will know is a pipe dream to say the least. Tonight we was out for a lovely meal (she had to pay as usual) and the subject of lack of pay came up again. My partner is aware of my desire and does want me to be happy but she is also very understandably concerned that I will not be able to stick the whole 6 years, truthfully I worry about the same thing. This all came out tonight and it has left me feeling shattered, I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to achieve anything that I will be happy with that will also pay enough for me to even live a normal life. At that table sitting across from the love of my life I realised that I will only ever be able to work in low skilled jobs that make me unhappy or work a job I love for very little pay that will result in me losing the love of my life. At that moment I had to excuse myself to go to the toilet, I locked myself in the cubicle and cried. I feel so deflated about life and I do wonder what the point in me living is other than to avoid upsetting those I love. I feel like I have just been put on this planet to suffer. This world is straight up geared against us.",0 "So I was talking a few days ago to my mum and we came to the topic of ADHD, I’m on meds for it and she admitted to me that once or twice she has taken it as she thought she might have ADHD and wanted to know if the meds worked for her. I was very angry but calm and just said that it’s okay but she shouldn’t do it again. She did it again. I did not let out my anger and was calm about it all but should I be concerned? My mum thinks she has ADHD but that’s not a reason to take my medicine, is it? Now because she said it made her super productive and things like that she’s convinced she has it, every time I try to say something about my ADHD she acts like she can relate to it all too and that I’m overreacting. Even if she does have it, it presents differently in people. How can I approach a conversation with her about not taking my meds?",0 "Does anyone else live life so innocent? Kinda sheltered from life. Almost 5 years ago I was in college and I had a summer camp program I had volunteered for I was the media and technology counselor for camp. I was about 20 years old During the camp their events like swimming and so all the other counselors had plans to get together and connect during the down time at pool. I decided to join them, at time I had a slightly hairy chest and so I deduced to wear a shirt but as the day went on I had to take it off for a bit of time. I didn’t think anything of it I thought it’s normal and that I was a man. Later when the camp was ending, there a gifting ceremony for all the counselors. A girl I knew somewhat was my gift giver, her gift to me about 20 disposable razors. I didn’t make anything of at the time, I kept thing maybe she couldn’t afford a gift so that’s all she could give. Now after 5 years when I was going back and cleaning my room and I found the razors. And maybe a few minutes later I realized she was being cruel and remembered the camp and realized she was trying to make fun off me. But I didn’t make anything off it. And now I just wonder to my self how often things like might have happened but I didn’t make anything off. Or why people can be so mean.",3 "I work a lot. Think wall street, law/finance, well-compensated and I generally like my job, but pretty much always working with very little time to myself, and even when I do have time to myself, I barely know that it's coming and so having not planned ahead I often find myself trying to come up with things to do on the fly. When I finally decide that I am going to do something recreationally, I have a really hard time deciding what to allow myself to do. I have an omnipresent thought in the back of my head that I have such little time on this earth (and even less free time that isn't spent working, sleeping, working out, etc.) that I better spend my time wisely, and only read the greatest works of literature of all time, to only play the most iconic video games of all time, etc. I've also found that as I got older, I seem to find it dissatisfying to experience anything in isolation - for example, watching a single movie to me feels like a waste of time--I feel like I need to be watching things in sets so that I can develop a greater appreciation for something (every Bond movie; last year's oscar films; the most talked about show on the off chance I run into someone else to talk about it with). In the end, I usually spend so much time deciding on what those are, that I usually get tired and just go to bed--or I do watch something and still have that dissatisfied feeling. Does this strike anyone as obsessive, or is this somewhat normal for others? Not sure if this is appropriate for this sub, I'm not super familiar with OCD but I'm not sure where else to ask.",1 "I forget EVERYTHING I can’t see in my physical space, and that’s pretty rough for things that live only in my computer in digital form, like emails, projects and messages. That’s why I designed a simple Digital Desk wallpaper that lets me physically see things I need to be reminded of when I use it as my laptop’s wallpaper. I use my iPad to fill out the digital whiteboards every week with things that are new or related to work/personal life I should pay extra attention to. There are little nudges in there like a charger on the table to remind me to charge my devices and a day/night icon on things I need to do in the morning and evening. I’ve made a quick Canva template if anyone would like to use it too! [Template Here](https://www.canva.com/design/DAEsfluRE4E/Nz13WeUw2raNTsBIJ4Umxg/view?utm_content=DAEsfluRE4E&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link&utm_source=sharebutton&mode=preview)",0 "I just want to go through a day without worrying or being anxious. I hate it. I am fully aware that I am anxious for no real reason, but it happens anyway? When I hear an unfamiliar voice or sound I become anxious and I want it to stop immediately. The only thing that gets me through the day are my headphones. I know in my heart that I want friends and someone to talk to IRL, but I freak myself out when the opportunity presents itself. I want real conversation.. I want to talk to people about my/their ideas and how cool I think the universe is. But I'm a walking contradiction. It's like *something* inside me is actively sabotaging any effort I try to make. The only time I have a conversation nowadays it's to my PhD supervisor and maybe some people that are interested in my field, but it's killing me. I want to talk about anything else. I know what to do, but I just can't. Wtf. I want to be as social as I see people can be.",3 "I feel like shit I'm 14y/o male and I'm suffering from hocd that's fuckin my life I don't feel like myself i want me back as a happy person back and my manly feel back but this fucked my life and I don't who I I anymore I don't post this for reassurance , I post because I have no one to say this problem and my parents don't know this if i say I don't know what it will be I only told to Allah and I don't want to be that hom but it fucks my life and I am 14 year boy how can I handle this 😔😓",1 "I just can’t ended my contract as a mental health counsellor and am looking for work. Part of looking for work requires prioritizing and planning my time to meet application deadlines, and focusing making and editing resumes and cover letters—all of which are super daunting and unexciting. But I can’t for the life of me seem to get focused enough to actually write and submit resumes, even though it’s urgent I do so! So what are some tips that has helped you get motivated and focused on tasks, projects, assignments, jobs etc?",0 she actually cares about me and is taking extra classes to learn more about things more specific to my situation and it makes me feel happy. i’m so lucky that i ended up in a situation where with such limited options for treatment i ended up with a really good one,3 "Does anyone else deal with this? Did you find a way to get better? I honestly just want my life back, i used to be entirely independent but since my traumatic event happened i cant go to malls / big stores on my own without feeling like someone will hurt me or something bad will happen. I've been avoiding them for so long and will only go if im with a friend or my SO. Im making progress with therapy but the progress is so slow and i just feel really down about it sometimes. Please tell me if you've had this issue and gotten better with it?",3 "Does anyone have a good recommendation for an inpatient for depression and trauma? In the US? I am In Michigan but anywhere in the US would be fine. Someone please help.",3 "Sometimes at some point in the day I literally feel so relaxed and cheerful. I think it might be because I’ve spent most of my life being so dopamine deficient, and after about a decade of literally depending on caffeine to keep me going, it’s just so odd to actually feel generally good! If I’ve had poor sleep I usually don’t feel like that the following day, but I’m realising I at least no longer feel dreadful with awful anxiety. I reckon the caffeine was making that so much worse. I don’t mean to sound dramatic with any of that! And I am not complaining, I’m just keen to hear from others on if they experience anything similar. For anyone interested, I’m 3 months in and seem to metabolise methylphenidate very quickly so I take 2 separate doses of 36mg Xaggitin XL (aka Concerta) spaced about 4 hours apart + an optional 5mg Medikinet (aka Ritalin).",0 "Also fuck the media, and tiktok, for making it seem like ADD is a good thing. I need my pills to work, and they aren't working anymore. I tried sleeping better, but j don't even feel the side effects of my adderall 20 mg anymore. I don't know of why, but im taking AP physics. The most frustrating part is like all my knowledge that could make me a super genius is locked behind titanium doors in my brain, and my pill, on a good day, unlocks that door. I feel like nothing without it. I wish I never had ADD.",0 "I don’t even know where to begin. My grandmother is the most toxic and vile person that I have ever come across. Not only just in real life either, but even across movies and TV shows. I can’t think of a more disgusting repulsive human being. My first ever memory from my childhood is of her beating the shit out of me. I couldn’t have been more than 6 years old. I was on the couch in the fetal position trying to cover my head whilst taking shots. Then I blacked out. This is about par for the course for grandma. In my family they say, “oh it’s just grandma being grandma. Just don’t think about it.” I guess that’s just what you say when you’ve spent a life time taking beatings from this fucking midget ogre. I hear my mom and her sisters took beatings even worse than we did. I still remember her losing her mind and beating the living pulp out of my brother and my cousin. My grandpa had to tackle her and restrain her on numerous occasions. Prying whatever object out of her hands that she decided would be the tool she would use to beat us with; Broom handle, wooden beating paddle, bare knuckles with rings, didn’t matter. It’s not like we were the worst kids in the entire fucking world either. Like we deserved to be beaten that way. All you had to do was look at her funny, or say something in the wrong tone, or disagree with her, or express your feelings, or just simply exist and be around her. Didn’t matter. If she wanted to dish out a beating, simply because she felt like it, well then you were going to catch a beating. For some reason, everybody in my family still supports and sympathizes with this tragic waste of human life. I can only imagine this must be due to Stockholm syndrome. I sure as hell don’t fucking understand it. Fuck her. The first and only time that I (or anybody for that matter) ever tried to stand up to her I almost died. She was calling my girlfriend a slut because she liked to wear thigh high skirts. I told her so what, I like the way she dresses and that’s all that matters. She told me her parents should be ashamed of her, I interrupted her and told her “yeah but you’re not her parents, she can do whatever she wants and she can wear whatever she wants. You are not her mother.” Grandma screams at me “EXCUSE ME! DONT YOU EVER TALK TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER THAT WAY! YOU LISTEN AND SHUT UP!” To which I carelessly and recklessly replied “fuck you, go fuck yourself. Nobody cares what you think” She grabbed the biggest knife out of the kitchen, at minimum a 12” kitchen utility knife, and trotted her fat ass right towards me. Fire burning in her eyes. I jumped out of my chair and threw it behind me in the hopes that it would get in her way and slow down her chase. She stops at the other end of the kitchen table. I’m at the opposite corner, trapped. I instinctively grab the other chairs and pull them out, hopping I can use them some how to escape. We play a game of cat and mouse. Jab stepping both left and right to see who is going to make the first move. The stupid bitch takes my bait and goes right to where I faked, I dip and go around the other way. She lunges at me over the chairs and table, swiping at me with the giant fucking blade in her hand. I narrowly escape. I dip and bend my torso to avoid her savage attempts at murdering me. I sprint down the hall to my room. I try to shut the door but she’s right behind me trying to push it back open. I shove the door back into her and just barely get it to close behind me. I lock the door handle whilst she kicks, punches, and stabs at the door. All while screaming and screeching that she’s going to fucking kill me. I call the police. They arrive moments later. I’ve already packed a bag of my necessities. I just want to get the fuck out of dodge. The cops escort me out as my my grandmother screams and yells to the cops to arrest me, to kick me out of her house. I walk out quietly and tell the cops I just want to leave and go to my friends house. They oblige. This woman, my grandma, this piece of shit Is the reason that I suffer from PTSD. I don’t believe in a heaven or a hell, there is no reasoning or justice for the bull shit that she’s put me through, but I hope she spends eternity suffering a miserable existence. I don’t care what or where that is, just make her as miserable as she’s made the rest of this world. Fuck you grandma you lousy piece of shit. I don’t give two shits about your final days here on earth. I hope it hurts, I hope you regret everything. I will never forgive you. You are not my family. We may be related by blood, but you are not my family. I get to choose the people in my family. Good fucking riddance.",3 " Let's work together to collect data and improve our treatment plans! We can advocate ourselves and get the care we need but only if we learn what works and what doesn't. Share it around! Here is a google form: [https://forms.gle/E3jhdH55giGWh8U27](https://forms.gle/E3jhdH55giGWh8U27) Thanks!",2 "Is it possible to stop having these thoughts or is the only ""cure"" just to ignore them. My issues are not just weird things like having to flick the light switch the correct number of times before bed (though I do have to do things like that) but also just thoughts and obsessions which stress me out and give me anxiety. Is it possible to make these go away?",1 "I’m going to my friends house with my partner on Tuesday as we’re going to be celebrating finishing our second year of uni and we’re going to stay the night, but I keep getting a thought telling me “what if one of her flatmates tries to kill you in your sleep?”. I am now really anxious about going there and staying the night and everyone I’ve asked about it has replied with jokey answers and my dad kind of just avoided the question and said “if you want me to pick you up I will”. My partner says I’m being stupid but I feel so weird about it. I don’t know what’s intrusive thoughts and what’s just a bad feeling anymore. I’m scared",1 "I was diagnosed with OCD in May of 2021. Although many people mentioned that my behavior appeared like OCD, I just thought they were exaggerating, but I’m starting to see they were not. It’s one thing to be hyper vigilant and unsuccessfully trying to stop the compulsions, but it’s another one to fight off the intrusive thoughts about OCD. My need of control is taking over my life and those dark thoughts enable the behavior. It affects every part of life from social situations to intimate situations. I don’t know what else to say really. I just know I want to cry my eyes out and yell on top of my lungs.",1 "30M. I messaged my doctor about 3 weeks ago to get checked out for ADHD. They gave me a number to call and I haven’t gotten to it yet (lol). Part of me is afraid that I’ll be told “no.” I’ve done my own research on medical websites, spoken to those close to me and I relate so much to the posts on this sub. Still afraid. If I find that I don’t have ADHD, I’ll feel ashamed for mis-diagnosing myself and for being the way that I am with no explanation. Looking for some advice or motivation from those who found themselves in a similar situation.",0 I don’t remember the me before the depression. I don’t remember the me before the childhood trauma. I don’t remember what I was. I feel like I’ve never been one person. I feel like many people trapped in one body. I don’t understand. How do I find out who I am when I’ve never been anyone? Does anyone else feel like that? I know I’m one person but it’s almost like I have so many personalities that I constantly add to. As I write this im like one tiny piece of a puzzle. How do I become one person again?,2 "I particularly felt left out in the past by my friend group during a 2 week period, and while everything is fine now, it has really kinda hurt me a bit… I’ve been compulsively accepting that I am left out, and the pain sucksssss. I have been doing better at letting it be, but is it so bad to just ask my best friend if I was truly left out or not? Maybe by seeing I wasn’t (or was, he’s admitted to our friendship being one-sided once) it helps me stay less negative? I know it’s a seek for reassurance. I just wish I could get this out of the way.",1 In my case I can feel it stored mostly in my pecs and chest muscles. It’s almost like like this buzzing and panic energy inside them and I find how bad it is is directly related to my overall level of (hyperarousal),3 "So...the psychiatric practice that my doctor referred me to agreed that my PCP's tentative bipolar 2 diagnosis had merit, but they also think I have ADHD and autism? I don't disagree that I tick a lot of autistic boxes, but I don't know what to do with that information. At 33, my personality is set, quirks and all, and believe me - there are a lot of quirks. I'm comfortable in my own skin. At least I know what to watch for in my children. Anyway, he's going to send a summary report to my doctor, who will probably start me on ADHD meds, so here's hoping that helps.",0 " This might not be the right place to post but it's all I got rn. Start it off by saying I've had undiagnosed ADHD for years. It feels really fake to say that or to even mention it to friends but I came from one of those families that refused medication thinking that doctors were liars and pills would zombify children. Despite this I have 8 other siblings who half of which were diagnosed before my parents decided not to take us to a doctor anymore. I'm 24, fresh out of college at a new job. Friend of mine who was undiagnosed for years finally got some medication and a diagnosis last year. She offered me some of her medication to try (mostly to encourage me to go to a doctor/make me take my ADHD seriously. I tried some, and it changed my life. I really want to cry knowing how incredibly difficult my life has been the last decade when I started taking school seriously, and that I've had a problem this entire time. I had such rapid onset clarity, such a clean and less ""distracted"" less free flowing thought into any and everything when I was on it. The next day I went back to normal and I cried. I've never taken my ADHD seriously, my siblings who are into their adulthood have been talking to me about it now encouraging me to chill out a bit until I can go see a doctor and get a diagnosis. I'm gonna be real with you, waiting 2 weeks from now to go to a doctor feels like hell. I am fighting off such a depressive episode just for the sake of starting my new job tbh. I'm so fucking angry at my parents for never taking this seriously. I could have felt like, OK for most of college had I had medication. I'm so sad. I can't believe I felt ""human"" for the first time in my life from a pill I bummed off of a friend. I just want to feel normal again I want to cry. I have all my housemates home right now so I'm trying to stave off bawling like a baby over this but jesus christ the rage and sadness I feel about this is disgusting. TLDR: Tried adhd meds, felt clear for the first time in my life and have to wait till I can get diagnosed before I can actually get a prescription",0 " The principal of the first school where I taught had many issues with me. Among the things she criticized were: - The way I walked. She said it almost seemed like it was robotic and coordinating my steps. I do have a visible limp, as well as an inner-ear balance issue. - The tempo of my speech. Especially how it became faster when I got nervous or excited. - The pitch of my speech. How it rose the further I talked. - That some of the questions I asked on tests were “common sense” I taught 8th graders. Principal was in her 50s. I was in my mid-20s. - The way I intonated my responses to students’ questions. - That I walked over (or next to) some piece of paper without picking it up, thus telling the students that “it was okay to litter”. Are these ableist? I would not even hear about Asperger’s Syndrome- let alone figured I had it- for a couple more years. But even if I were neurotypical, would these be ableist? This job was 20 years ago. A malaise I had ended when I left it- a malaise I wondered if it was carbon monoxide poisoning given how much it was weakening me. But I still want to know if she was being ableist or if the job was simply a mismatch. I have been at my current job as a librarian for over 17 years now- and absolutely love it. So, was she ableist after all?",3 "I'm baffled by this but sometimes I have to force myself to take every breath or feel like I'm suffocating and was told it's anxiety or I'm just not breathing correctly all of a sudden. Anyone else had this or is my body that broken it doesn't do automatic tasks lol Seems maybe worse when I'm in meltdown",3 "Hey y'all! I got diagnosed with moderate to severe ADHD in September of this year after a lifetime of what now seem like very obvious symptoms haha. My psychiatrist also said that I exhibit anxious tendencies and some people find that their anxiety becomes worse on stimulants. I'm currently taking 60mg of Vyvanse daily because I've found that anything lower does not help regulste my ADHD symptoms at all. Unfortunately, I've also found that my anxiety is worse when I'm on my medication. I become anxious very easily, and struggle to bring myself down from it, essentially causing me to shut down and become very snappy with people around me (which I feel awful about afterwards and always apologize). Does anyone else experience this? I'm just nervous to talk to my primary care doctor or my psychiatrist about it because I really do not want to go through changing medications again. Thank you in advance for any advice or support!",0 I saw a video on youtube today which said that pure o might be rooted in the childhood or the past. That's because some event or relationship made them feel like they didn't deserve to exist and that's why we get obsessions about being a horrible person and getting punished for it. It makes sense to me since i'm struggling with pure o and have a relatively low self esteem. But I dont know what to think about it. What are your thoughts?,1 "Me and my friends have been friends for 3 and a half years, and in all that time we've never really had a serious conversation with each other. We have great jokes and inside jokes, but I'm really yearning for a proper relationship with my friends. What kinda conversation could I make with my friends that would get them to be serious without turning it into a joke? I was thinking of simple stuff like teachers or whatever and then go from there, but whenever I do it just goes back to jokes. I feel like if I said something serious at the beginning they would also just make a joke about it. Any ideas? TL;DR: I've had quite a long relationship with my friends but never had a serious conversation. Not even half joke half serious. How do I change that?",3 I've been in a relationship with my ASD girlfriend and when she's overloaded or overwhelmed I guess I try to calm her down by reassurance or telling the truth and not seeming stressed when she's stress but she takes it as me being nonchalant or that I'm trying stress her out more. How can I distress her without causing more stress?,3 "Does anyone know of any good books regarding after-life, higher meaning and second chances? I feel stuck in life and like I live in my own fog, and the idea that there is some kind of deeper meaning with life, and that all the effort and energy I have spent is not for naught gives me some hope.",2 When you get into really bad states what symptoms do you have?,3 "I’m done, I give up. I can’t be happy. Going through a nasty divorce. She is my abuser, mentally over the last six years I’ve been abused over and over and over. We lost our daughter a year ago, which I blame her for. I can’t cope with anything. I just spiral out of control. She consistently “kicks me when I’m down”. We have another child, who is keeping me alive. I’ve been brought to the point where I can’t even promise I’ll make it through the day. I’ve tried therapy multiple times but it always ends up the same. No one listens to how I feel and just becomes about them. My friends see me low and try to help but my mental state doesn’t care. I do think about how people would react to be being gone but then again what do I care I’ll be gone. Only thing certain is if I had a gun I’d be gone by now. Who knows I might just drive off a cliff, take a whole bunch of pills and slit my wrists. I truly believe people wouldn’t miss me once the dust settles. I am alone",2 "Some context: I live in a pretty stable household. But when I was younger (12-17, I am now 19), my dad would lose his control when drinking and would fit in rage over the smallest things. Which, he’d take out on my mother and I (mostly me). Some of the times he’d beaten me was because I would misbehave in school and home. I believed it was justified. Some of the times he’d hit me would be because we got in an argument (very trivial ones). One time was because I told my sister not to “act like a bitch.” I’ve gotten bloodshot eyes, nose bleeds. My mirrors and doors have been broken and my walls with holes. Now, anytime he’s in a bad mood or raises his voice or changes his tone a certain way, I start crying with difficulty breathing and fast and increased heart rate. What is this phenomenon. I hate it. I feel weak and I feel unheard bc I think that anytime I say something wrong that he doesn’t like, he’d just start yelling. Please help, I am confused and don’t feel well. Thank you. Edit: I feel like I am over exaggerating with the way I feel even though I do not control my reaction. Idk if it’s a valid feeling",3 "I remember sitting down In a dark house and watching cartoons when the feeling of depression and suicide came over me. This was at the age of 12. Ever since then I have went in and out of depression and as I grow older (23 now) I havr found the overwhelming haunting feeling of depression to be comforting. Maybe it's because I don't know what life is like without depression, maybe it's that I'm so depressed that I wish I was just a little more down so I could just stop it all already (if you know what I mean) or maybe it's because I feel since I've wasted so much of my life that I deserve to feel this way. Maybe it's none of the above, but nonetheless, I think the very first step to getting better is to acknowledge that this is indeed how I feel about depression. I have to admit the feeling fine and healthy contrary to many people is scarier then the feeling of depressed. How do I live knowing that I have many years ahead of me? How do I bring this up with my counselor? It's confusing, but ironic that there's a part of me that doesnt want to leave this beast that has taken so much from me... I've been to the deepest depths of hell and they are calling me to come back, but I know that I tropical thing to do is to chose to live.",2 "Firstly, I don't know anything about decibels or different types and qualities of noise cancelling/reduction headphones- I am very sensitive to my environment: especially to loud noises and bright white/fluorescent lights. Sensitive to the point that I become overwhelmed, paralyzed, non-functional. Currently I have *Procase noise reduction ear muffs* from amazon (around $10-20)-which stopped working after about a month. Sorry for nitpicking. Of course I want best quality, but my budget is about $20- I want something comfortable, wireless, compact, durable, easy to carry around, and preferably not too big, small, or tight. Thanks",3 "So last summer on August 28, 2020 I witnessed my girlfriend attempt to *self delete* and she and some of our other friends want to meet up at the place she did it next Sunday A lot of stuff has happened since then and I’ve been left with trauma, flashbacks, my trust issues with middle aged women got worse (it’s a long story), and a have panic attacks whenever I go near the area (I live very close) Is there any way I can still go with them, since I don’t want miss out on spending time together, without having a breakdown?",3 "My mother just invited me to a superspreader event disguised as a BBQ at my grandparents place half a month from now, and I am not pleased. The pandemic is far from over, but Alberta has decided to go all YOLO with lifting COVID restrictions, probably to appease the inbred hick boomers that populate this sorry excuse of a province. I'm pissed. I'm really fucking pissed. I'm gonna politely decline my invitation, but not without holding back a lot of rage. EDIT: I politely declined my invitation, and explained why I felt uncomfortable going. My mother was OK with it. :3",3 "I’m a singer. I love to sing and I dream of being on stage and selling records. I’m also a part of a big church (3,000 members) in Toronto as of March of 2020. One of the first things that caught my attention about this church was the sense of community and the opportunity to be part of the music team (the church band) Unfortunately, due to the pandemic, church closed for a year and a half untill they reopened again in July of this year. I was so excited to be back in person for church and I thought I could finally tryout to be party of the music team as a vocalist. I thought it would be a good idea to befriend the band members though, before auditioning for the team to see how we get along and to feel cool with them before diving in. But I think they don’t like me though! Am I reading into it too much? Here is what happened: * On many occasions, I have gone up to the vocalists after church and initiated conversation (the congregation usually hangs out and chats with each other after service) but have felt they don’t engage in conversation with me and were stand-offish * On one occasion, I had said to one of the vocalists, Jessa, (who I know is a hair dresser, “I really like your hair- is it your own or are you wearing extensions?” After an awkward pause, she responds with: “a lady never tells.” * On another occasion, I walked toward a group of four band members, and said hi and as soon as I walked to the group Jessa walked away * On another occasion, I went up to the pianist, and she was really stand-offish and shut down any attempts to start a conversation with her * On another occasion, I commended the pianist for her playing during service and she didn’t respond to me So now I feel really sad and rejected. I was really looking forward to being a part of the music team but am so disillusioned. I feel some of the members don’t like me. Do my questions are: Am I reading into it too much? Am I coming off too strong? I’m usually pretty good at making friends but I know I can be impulsive and talkative. Was I being annoying? Should I even try to be part of this band anymore and audition for it if even after the experiences I had? I don’t really know what to do.",0 "I'm not sure if anyone else has this version of OCD, but my version of OCD is quite odd. I do not fear the future nearly as much as I fear the past, without going into details some time ago if things didn't pan out right my reputation and social life would've been utterly ruined. I keep getting really bad visions and nightmares about ""what if"" scenarios in my life and I can't seem to cope with it well. Anyone else have this issue?",1 "I had what I think was an anxiety attack today when I called my ex brother in law to see when I could see my children. I don't know what triggered it but it was really bad. My ex brother in law and ex mother in law took my children years ago when the judge gave custody to my ex husband. I wasn't allowed to see my kids even though I had a custody agreement that I was to have them every other weekend. I couldn't get the sheriff to enforce because the custody agreement was with my ex-husband and not the brother and mother in law. I didn't get to see my kids for almost 10 years. Now my son is 18 and about to graduate and my daughter is 16. I just started getting to see them 2 years ago but only at their house. When the pandemic hit I couldn't see them at all, which I was fine with because I did not want them to get sick. I can't get over this anxiety I have simply talking to my in laws, I think it's fear that they might take away the kids again, I don't know what to do.",3 "So it was my birthday on the 17th November, a birthday I share with my grandad. I'm 21 and he's 87. We always celebrated it together. This year, a few days before our birthday he ended up in hospital because of a fall. I don't actually know the details of what happened but he ended up passing away in hospital the morning of the 17th. I had a feeling it was going to happen so I couldn't sleep at all that night. That day was one of the hardest and strangest days I've ever experienced as well as the days following, even now everything feels strange. I feel an almost unending wave of sadness most of every day. The funeral is in a few days and I still haven't cried but it's not that I never cry. Far from it actually. I can cry when I need to but apparently not now. Am I just desensitised to death cos of the internet? Is there something wrong with me?",2 "I’m so sick of this illness. I’ve been so stressed lately, my ocd has gotten worse. I’ve tried just relaxing and not completing my compulsions but I can’t. The meds make me feel calmer I guess because I’m here making this post and using my phone which I otherwise wouldn’t be doing if I wasn’t on them, but there’s still that need in the back of my mind to wash my hands again. I usually wash them 5 times. I’ve been trying just doing it 4 times and trying to relax but it doesn’t work :( I miss taking naps. I’m so tired to my core but whenever I’m done with my routines, it’s like I’m keyed up because of the anxiety and then i can’t sleep. I’m exhausted.",1 Im gonna try using some background noise when im sleeping,3 "Went clubbing yesterday and because I went up to a girl and spoke to her and apparently that got her kicked out of bottle service so now she is mad at me. I know this is some petty shit but I know she is going to bring it up to the larger group later tonight and I just really don't know how I am supposed to act. Like what do I say when she brings it up so that it doesn't escalate into something bigger than it really is.",3 "I’m asking because I’m not very sure, but I was in a mildly traumatizing situation recently. And I don’t know if I’m just paranoid or if I’m showing signs of ocd and I don’t want to self diagnose myself.",1 "So i have two chickens who live in the backard on sunny days. I walked down the stairs to go feed them and i almost tripped. I almost tripped AGAIN on my walk back. Then i had to check their water and once again, almost fell off. Just to clarify, i got distracted and looked behind me for some reason. I really don't wanna die by falling down stairs .\_.",0 "awwwwwwwww yeah, baby. I've been bored for the last two months, and the new Survivor season just came on, so my especially dopamine-deprived brain has clung onto it as it once has before. But not with the same strength as the previous time I hyperfixated on it. This chronic boredom needs to end. Did anybody else / is anybody else experiencing this? How do you guys keep your life exciting (in a non-destructive way) once you get into a routine? Any tips for spicing up college life?",0 I am tired. i am tired of trying to be better when nobody seems to notice at all and continues to make me feel stupid. All my life all I've ever done is try to make everyone see I am not just a body or I am not just an over-dramatic person. I am tired of everyone making me feel like my mental issues are nothing and they shouldn't affect me. I am tired of trying going to therapy and trying to fix myself just to have it thrown in my face when I am going through the dark days. I am so alone and I just want someone to listen and see that I am trying. It doesn't matter anymore though because no one is ever gonna try to see it. Getting threatened to be kicked out of my bf's house cause the depression has got to the point where I can't move but no one believes me. I am just seen as lazy to them. I usually fight against it but today after hearing all of my issues thrown in my face again I am just accepting it. I just want everyone to hate me at this point. I secretly just want to be kicked out too. It doesn't matter if I have a home or not I just want it all to stop. I wish I could hide in my bed forever. I need a friend so badly to talk to but I have no one. I am so jealous of all these people going out with friends or playing video games with friends. I've accepted it though and I think I am accepting the fact that I am giving up.,2 "Recently I have been feeling overwhelming loneliness as I figured out I have ppl I talk to, exchange memes regularly but no one willing to go out with me be it to grab food, drink etc. How does one one manage to have friends that actually invite you out and are willing to go?",2 "I want to help him as much as possible. But he says nothing is working and he tried everything - so after 6 months of trying CBT, exposure therapy, and talking to a psychologist he feels nothing has changed. He was always a happy go lucky person. Now, after his accident, he's angry and on edge all the time, he can't relax. So he came to me to help him - I'm a yoga teacher and a life coach. I know this isn't my realm. But I can't just tell him to keep trying when he's at wit's end and tells me every day he's going to kill himself :( so I'll be teaching him yoga and just coaching him weekly. But I need to give him hope. To show him that things CAN and WILL get better. Because I feel like he's at the bottom of the pit and he can't see the light above 😔 I would love to show your success stories to him even just words of advice from a fellow PTSD sufferer.",3 "I am currently trying to find someone for my Pod Cast, Dark Side To OCD, with OCD that was suicidal, attempted and had a near death experience. This is part of my research in helping my daughter (spoken about her before) deal with her Religious, Somatic and Sexual OCD.",1 "Has anyone had to stop or limit driving because of episodes? I had a big one the other day and drove nearly 45km at high speed (the speed limit, I use cruise control) and can’t really remember it. It’s really frightening, because I don’t get much it any warning when I’m going into it. In all honesty, other times it’s been really short and less than 2 minutes but this one floored me. I drive a lot to many appointments, usually a 2,3,4 hour round trip. I’m not sure what to do.",3 "I feel like an outsider. I can't ""break in"" to society. I've been to meetups, groups, but everyone there is 30 years older than me and they are prejudiced. I've been insulted several times. I've tried to acquaint myself with other people's interests. I try to listen to the music that the ""majority"" listen to, the culture, the political views, etc. It's just not possible. I can't make myself into something I'm not. And as a result, I am alone. People have no interest in someone like myself. My interests are too ""geeky"" to be interesting, and I am so obsessed with what I like that other people lose interest long before I do. I wish I could just live in a different society sometimes. I wish I could have the basic things that everyone else has easily like relationships and friendships.",3 "I am a survivor of CSA and I am a 24 year old female. I have my first gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I am so scared. I have put it off for a long time because of fear. I’m so scared that the exam is going to trigger severe flashbacks and panic attacks. What do I do? Edit: I went and it wasn’t to bad. We only did part of the exam today. I did end up having a panic type response where I ended up in tears and tried to pull away a few times. I was able to get more done than I thought I would get done and the NP who saw me was so understanding with my history. She was talking me through it the whole time and went slow for me. We are gonna do more of the exam later on. Thank you so much for the advice everyone.",3 "Hello all, After being in crisis and the intervention of my local CMHT, I was diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression. I have since been engaging with my local CMHT and psychiatrist through a trial and error in regards to medication that aided in managing various symptoms I was having. One symptoms I was really struggling with was a lack of decent sleep. Sometimes it was a combination of being unable to settle to sleep, other times staying asleep due to nightmares and at times a combination of both. Due to restrictions and concerns in regards to sleeping medication in the UK, I was on a short term course, which I used as and when I felt I needed them, these ended a longtime ago. During my last appointment with a psychiatrist I spoke about anxiety like attacks/symptoms I have recently began experiencing at night when beginning a sleep regime (tight chest, difficulty breathing, sweating, uncomfortably warm) and that I was still having nightmares and often waking, choking, gasping for air and in a panic. I often managed to ground myself and 'ride it out' before trying to go back to sleep. Recently these have began happening more frequently, however, it is no longer occurring when asleep or have been for a little while, but as I am drifting off to sleep, the in between stage if this makes sense. I have feeling that I am unable to breathe, cannot breath as if my throat is blocked and when I try to wake, I struggle. I feel as if I wake, but I am still somehow dreaming, but now I'm in my bedroom, in my bed still unable to breathe. I then panic, fantastically trying to sit up, which is when all of a sudden I experience a pulling back to reality and actually wake in a panic, gasping, heart pounding etc. I was wondering if anyone else has or does experience this? If so how do you cope, strategies you have in place? Due to UK lockdown I have to see what appointment I can get to speak with someone as it seems to be happening more frequently, since initially calming down so any tips would be appreciated. Sorry for the long winded post and hope it makes some sense.",3 "I think LFA and HFA should be separate since there are so many differences and I think it could also eliminate some stigma too. Disclaimer: I am not on the spectrum but I am learning more about it so I can understand people who have it better. The main thing that would split it is if there is intellectual disability or if there isn't. I think it should be called Type A (low functioning) and Type B (high functioning) since some people don't like high functioning and low functioning terms. For type B, at the higher end it will be someone who is almost NT while at the lower end it will be a savant that is good at only one thing but nothing else. It will also solve many arguments about the cure for autism so people who don't want a cure would be speaking just for type B instead of the entire spectrum. Many friends that I have who are on the spectrum explained to me that they are embarrassed to be on the spectrum because many on the spectrum do things like smear sh\*t in extreme cases. Some people have a hard time recognizing autism is a spectrum so with this system it would be easier for them to understand. For this system Type A would be considered a disability while type B would be considered a mental disorder (similar to ADHD, Depression and others) (but if needed type B can receive disability benefits) The statistics for autism can be very misleading but with that system the statistics can be a little bit more accurate. Also with this system more people won't think type B people are mentally retarded and stuff like that. What are your thoughts about this?",3 "I could be having an average day or a good one, but when I see someone that hurt, betrayed, or wronged me it’s usually enough to ruin my day and I usually dwell on that and what they did to me again even if it happened years ago. I don’t know if it’s because of my personality or my Aspergers so that’s why I’m asking.",3 I constantly confess my cheating thoughts and mental images to my bf and the ‘urges’ I get but I don’t want to do any of that… he now is giving me one last chance to stop before he ends the relationship. How can I stop? I constantly feel overwhelming guilt,1 "I also have schizophrenia too. Everyday I have to relive experiences that I have while also coping with forced thoughts in my head. It's a constant loop. If I do manage to die or kill myself, it would be besides the fact. But not having to wakeup everyday and being this way will be a plus.",3 "Im 13 and i also masturbated to 3kids all of them 9-11 one was 10 or 11 when i did it i was 12 then but others were 9/10 im 13 It was months ago I never did it again I feel horrible Also while masturbating to one i said a 6/7 year olds name in a sexual way beacuse i went past a picture while masturbating Ive never done this ever again and i feel guilt and i feel horrible Im 13 and i was waiting for something to install So i walked around my flat and i randomly thought of girls my age but then randomly of kids 7 times of my cousin 5 times of one other kid and 3 times of one other kid And my brain started imagining my cousin laying on the bed Shes 11 btw and my brain imagined her laying there and my brain said ""she has a fat ass..."" and then it imagined "" if nobody was home id fuck her"" and then it imagined me fucking her.... and then her sucking my you know.. and her riding my you know.... And i was like wtf the whole time but i got a boner while all of this was happening And i got a boner now again And whenever my brain imagines stuff like this i get a boner I dont want the boner I dont want this I want to be normal But it all feels like im lying to myself and that i want to look good but i actually want to do that stuff when i dont want to Btw im born in 7th of december 2007 and my cousin is born in 2010 late may like 20th so thats like around 2 years and 5 and a half months Jesus christ I dont want this I literally get a boner when i think about stuff like this but i dont want it I searched is 11 and 13 weird just now And i got a fucking boner again beacuse i thought about this shit again I dont want this i literally dont find kids attractive But it again feels like im lying When just a few days ago i was thinking about girls my age for an hour before sleeping I dont want this stuff I dont get a boner if i see her and dont think about it But my brain almost always makes me think about it I really dont want this It feels like im lying whenever i say something and it loops like what if im lying about this right now I have over 500 notepad files and when i delete them i write new ones again its all about this stuff Ive been having this shit since my 13th birthday I feel like a worthless peice of shit I dont want to be a pedophile I look at my fav celebs and imagine what they would say I just dont want this I dont want to do anything with kids But my brain makes me think i do and that im lying rn And i thought about my cousin and sex again and now i got a boner I dont want the boner Nor do i feel arousal But my brain makes me think i feel arousal Whenever i masturbate i have to think of kids to see if i will cum faster to the adult Its horrifiying I dont want to be like this pleass help me I cant get a therapis tnor anythinf I feel helpless i almost cried once I just want to be normal Ive always masturbated to adults and i still do but i think of kids randomly and masturbated to them as you see in the first time This has been on my mind for fucking almost a year now aka 8 months ALSO WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WATER OUT OF MY PENIS BEACUSE MY BONER STOPPED AND THERSS LIKE A DROP OF WATER LIKE CUM WATER IS THIS FUCKNG DISCHARGE WTF AM I A PEDOPHILE PLEAEE HELPNME I FEEL HOPELESS I AM WEORRIED I WANT TO BE NORMAL I DONT WANT TO BE LILE THKS I NEVER HAD THESE THOUGHTS UNTIL MY 13TH BIRTHDAY WHAT IS WRONG WIH ME I ALDO GO TO DANCE AND THERES KIDS AND I FEEL HORRIBLE AND INJUST GOT A BONE RBEACUS EI THOUGHT ABOUT ONE FUCK MY LIFE MY UNDERWEAR ISNFUCKING WET I also listened to kodak black But hes apparently a pedo But i still listened and i knew that he may of been My excuse to myself was ""i can enjoy any music i want""",1 "Hi all, just looking for a bit of advice and personal experiences. I was diagnosed with adhd combined type around 6 months ago (24F) and have recently started my medication journey. I first started with methlyphenidate but the jaw clenching was absolutely awful so I couldn't carry on with it. I've started on 20mg Elvanse and I'm not really seeing alot of difference, I've got the usual side effects not being able to sleep very well and loss of appetite but other than that it just makes me feel like I've drank a redbull (energy drinks were what I self medicated with before because they would help me have a little bit more focus). I can tell that I'm a bit calmer, but my brain is still jumbled and the executive dysfunction is really quite awful. I also work evenings shifts so I take my dose around 12pm so that I can try and get the full effect, however I feel like I'm crashing about 5/6 hours after taking my dose which is when I start work which isn't ideal at all. It also takes atleast 2 hours for me to start feeling anything, I take it with food because I was advised to but I'm not sure if it's helping? Like I said above it's almost like I've just had an energy drink for about 4 hours and then I crash. I'm not having any caffeine with the medication but I've been so tempted because of this. I'll be going up to 30mg next week and Increasing by 10mg each week until I can find a good dose, but I can't help but feel disheartened that it's doing nothing for me/only small changes. I've seen alot of stories about how it was life changing for them and I just haven't felt that, has anyone had any similar experiences?",0 "As the title says, I believe I’m destined to be alone. I’ll be turning 24 next week and I’ve never been in a relationship. I honestly feel at this point I will never find someone for me. I don’t care about sex. Just a meaningful relationship. But I’ve paid to have sex with an escort twice now and both times I couldn’t stay hard. So who’s to say I’ll perform better with an actual partner when it will matter? It’s sad that I have to pay for affection but it’s better than none. But even in those moments, I can’t stay hard? Am I just an asexual loser? Maybe I am. I feel like I’m going to die alone and I don’t want to. I’ve given my death date on my 25th birthday at the end of next year so I don’t have to suffer anymore. I have nothing to offer to anyone. Nobody will ever care about me.",2 "I'm going through therapy for cptsd, and for the last few years I've gone through big personal changes. The strange thing is that I've also changed some of my taste preferences. Two things I just can't stand anymore are cumin and fried scallions. I've always loved both tacos and indian food, so it feels a bit strange. Anyone else gone through anything similar?",3 "I know, it's kind of a clique-full question, but, here's the thing... Being alone is awful. Being with people is awful. Wanting to be with someone, but them being busy or are not interested (in you) is awful. I've asked Multiple girls in my area (I find girls more trustworthy than men) if they'd be down to come to my house, for movie or getting to know one another, or other things. I've asked So many times, that (even though they've told me I'm not) I feel like I'm annoying them, or that I keep bothering them.. From time to time I also have Sexual dreams, which turns on and off, and acts as if it was nothing, when I am around that person. But I Still ask that person that same day, if she wants to come over.",3 "Most of what I've read (and a couple of mock tests) suggests I may suffer from ADHD, more specifically Inattentive type. I have never suffered from what one would consider significant impairments due to my condition (average grades in school, always promoted, although each and every one of my teachers considered me unparticipative, not constant and unattentive; performing very well with regard to my university degree), but I have never shaken off the doubt that my IQ (between 135 and 140) may have masked symptoms that, had it been lower, would have completedly and utterly, not just mildly, impaired my day-to-day functioning. Because I can sense this constant feeling of... dizziness and disorder, in my mind (I can't define it with a different word), and have felt it since I can remember. In a few month I will finally either put this to rest or understand how to get it sorted out, feel better and clearer. Personally, I feel a strong sense of relief. ​ Does anyone identify with this description? I would like to hear the experiences of people who can identify with this particular situation, particularly with regard to the entirely inattentive type, as I have no symptom of hyperactivity and it may have helped hide an underlying condition.",0 "My brain chooses what it wants to be interested in and it manipulates me to do what it's focusing on, my life has always been consumed by this cycle. Also, my interests rarely last long enough for me to make anything meaningful and profitable out of them, it's like going around in circles rarely making anything out of it. So my special interests are useless and a liability. And because my special interests are useless, I might have to fight them one day and go against my own brain so that I can build something profitable and worthwhile. Two choices, to give in to the special interests for short term happiness and chaos, or fight against it and build a more orderly/meaningful life with longer term happiness.",3 "I'm feeling like a trash, and I promise I don't want to feel this way, I'm really trying but it just get worse and I just want to be able to be happy and I'm begging (idk to who cause I'm not a believer) ""please, I just want to be okay"" and I really try but I just can't. So, I'm taking therapy as soon as I can.",3 "i’m having homosexual ocd thoughts last night i was just relaxing playing the game and something triggered it and this thought of being gay keeps fearing me i know i don’t want to he because i keep getting feared of it it’s stressing me out i was prescribed prozac for anxiety and intrusive thoughts but i haven’t took it yet i’m so close to doing it now cause these thoughts really are worrying me out it’s really hard to be calm knowing that you never will want to be gay so you can’t accept these thoughts",1 "So buckle yourself ladies and gentlemen for a post filled with self deterition and me just being a depressed ass. So like I'm not sure how to do this but fuck it imma do it. Ok so long story short (well long story but whatever) I never had like a stable best friend, if you know what i mean. like in elementary it would be me and this other girl and we would be friends for the next couple of yrs but idk she matches my energy but shes s labelled as my best friend but i can't see her like that but i feel bad cause I'm not sure if she has a social life (were in diff programs tho go to the same school) and like when i went of to middle school shit hit the fan. like it was filled with all this petty drama and i made some close friends. well not close anymore cause there not in soo much contact but there in contact with my other friends who go to my school and like it made some upset that I really don't have much of like a solid group where i can say everything and anything and match my every (or lack theroeff) and like its frustrating. I was like everyone's 2nd choice, but never first and like i would be the friend who would be there you know. anyways I'm to tired to continue so yea",2 "i am 22 and still trying to get into uni. i am supposed to be studying but all i am doing before and after lessons is crying and cutting myself. Few days ago it was my first private tutoring lesson and in participation i sh more than i had ever before , and ofcourse i haven't accomplish any studying yet. I am able to do mindless tasks but things when you have to be intellectually present such as academics and serious decision making feel like being forced to swallow a whole rat without chewing to me. It has been like this since hs. ​ I hate this life so much. Everyday i wake up and start crying followed by me barely able to do basic stuff since i feel like i don't deserve to do them since i cant accomplish studying , was even raped recently and honestly i feel like i deserved it because i cant pull my weight in society ,and also i have sh and cried more because of lessons than because of the assault because atleast the assault is over unlike this torture. I have diagnosed asd and i wish the government would just put me on welfare but my state provided psychiatrist keeps blowing me off and pushing pills on me that don't help . This is all such a joke ppl would call me over dramatic or lazy if the read this but when i flake or spend the whole time in the bathroom crying i am mentally ill and should work on my issues instead of bothering . Like what the fuck is it what do you want me to do, i was brought to this world expected to do things i cant and i am not allowed to just not do them and cant also kms (relax i don't want to die but seriously wtf )",2 "My family loves talking in a hopeless tone. Stuff like ""the world is only gonna get worse"" and ""next year will make this one look like a joke"" are two of many variations of hopeless speeches i get pounded into my ears unwillingly. Walking into the living room is like drowning myself in hopelessness when i look at their depressing faces and their sorrowful voices. Nobody tries to sound cheerful or hopeful. It's just hopelessness, death, corruption, whatever. The world is going to shit? I can't really refute that now can i? Next year is gonna be worse? Probably. The world is going to go through harsher calamities and disasters? Fuck me then, why do i live anymore? All the (little) energy that's left in my body evaporates and i just lose all hope in the future. If you lot are talking like the world's gonna end within 5 years, then what the hell is the point of anything? I haven't had a chance to enjoy my life. Yet now that i'm actually trying to get myself out of the rut i'm in, i get put down by the thought that nothing will matter anyway, and that by the time i'm ""healed"" it'll all be too late. My obsession with the past just keeps getting worse. I would kill to reset time back to the 90's and have a second chance at life. What a mess.",2 "I had been diagnosed with OCD last month. So a little backstory, I have been suffering from stomach problems for a really long time now and every time it occurs, it gives me terrible anxiety and makes me feel like I can’t get on with my life. I have to ensure that the stomach problem goes away before being able to continue my day-to-day activities. Alright, so I have been prescribed Zoloft to treat my OCD and if anyone ever took antidepressants before, you would know the common side effect of it is nausea. Like I mentioned earlier, stomach problems give me terrible terrible anxiety especially when I have emetophobia (fear of throwing up). The first time I took my medication, I felt slight nausea and lost my appetite pretty badly. That slight nausea was enough to make me fear taking my medication. However, I was thinking recently and realised that prior to starting my medication, I was already having my stomach problem episodes. Not sure if that “amplified” the side effects of my medication though. Due to that, I didn’t take my medication for the whole month until I went for my second appointment a few days ago and my doctor suggested I give it another try. However, I am still very much in fear about taking my medication and therefore am wondering if I need to. I didn’t take it for the whole month and I am feeling okay but mainly I think it’s because I rather deal with those thoughts than to take something that will make me feel sick physically (which will cause more anxiety). Another reason is that it is covid period right now so I’m staying home and not going anywhere so I have the time to “comply” to my compulsions but I can’t say the same for when life goes back to normal settings again. I might need to take the medication then. TL;DR - Took Zoloft and the side effect (nausea) made me fear taking my medication so I didn’t take it for a whole month and felt okay. Now I am wondering if I can lay it off until covid is over and life gets back to normal.",1 "As the title implies...Can one be a military officer with a ptsd diagnosis, or symptoms of ptsd? Do any military officers have an experience with this? I was enlisted for 8 years, but now I am a reserve officer...and I am concerned about what it might do to my career.",3 "I'm diagnosed with ADHD combined type and one of the things I struggle most with is time blindness and getting started with my day. Waking up is and has always been a battle and I've tried so many things to help but they keep getting old. I use the Alarmy app so that I have to do a certain task - right now I do the memory one and I've used the maths one as well - but I've found that I do my task to switch off the alarm and go back to bed. I've tried multiple alarms and its the same thing. It's like nothing can come in between me and my sleep but its not like I am not getting enough sleep because I try to make sure I sleep at least for 8 hours. I am a college student and would LOVE to go to the gym before my classes but its so hard to get out of bed early. There have been so many times when I'm late to class because I was in bed until 20 minutes before class and thought I could squeeze in a shower, getting dressed, AND walking to class in that time. Now that I type this out, I realise its not possible but to my morning brain, time is way more malleable. I do know I need at least an hour to get ready but when I'm in bed in the morning, its a battle to get out of bed (especially with it getting colder and my bed being a very comfy place). Does anyone have anything that has worked for them to get them out of bed and get started? It throws my entire day out of sync because I have to rush and I forget things or I look like a mess.",0 "Hi All, I have my diagnosis next week and I am super social anxiety type anxious about it. It’s over a video call which usually I don’t get too nervous about but there’s something about the diagnosis is making me extremely anxious, but I have no idea why.",3 Like I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and was prescribed pills last year and a lot of stuff happened and I stopped going. I’m planning to start therapy again but like I’ve read a lot of people talking about their depression and it mostly come from a cause or a traumatic event while mine just hit me suddenly with no apparent reason like I’m 17 have a nice family got food and all that stuff but why am I depressed you know like when I tried to taking to my friend she said I was just attention seeking cus I have no reason to be depressed and idk is everything I’ve felt till now me seeking attention,2 "So last night during work, I had a mental health crisis and I had a panic attack during work and I had to leave early I just started this job it’s a new one in fact pays OK decent benefits. I see my doctor right after and I feel better on some new meds but I’m afraid what everyone might think I’m a newbie and I’m calling off already what is everyone going to think I’m just worried about my job now",2 "I have struggled with making 'careless' mistakes all my life. I have lost so many grades in math because I forgot to divide by 2 or something which really bothers me because I really like math and sometimes I will enthusiastically raise my hand to solve a question but then end up embarrassing myself.In my Arabic exam I almost got full marks but I swapped the answers for two questions and I missed it while revising my exam(My Arabic teacher knew that it was just an accident but he marked it as zero so I would focus next time, and he keeps telling me the the classic line of ""you are smart you just need to focus"" and I would hate to disappoint him again).I have tried double checking my answers or drafts or whatever but sometimes I will forget or just not notice my mistake because I didn't focus while revising. Do you guys have any tips for avoiding silly mistakes? Sorry if this post felt like a rant.",0 I was diagnosed with GAD and a major depressive disorder this year but have been struggling whole life traumatic past and I see a psychiatrist I see a therapist again starting the 1st I’m taking the meds I’m on Prozac 20mg and remeron 7.5mg but I’m just so depressed it’s only gotten worse lately I’m just scared that it’s never gonna get better,2 " How do I get rid of intrusive thoughts that make me unsure about things I am certain about? Like, I cant control the uncertainty happening for some reason, when I do a specific action, I get unsure about the action being a permissible action, so how do I get rid of them, and some of the actions are regular everyday things.",1 "https://youtu.be/lIJG_c4uegI I realize this is technically just a video post in text format, sorry mods feel free to delete if not allowed",3 "It's almost 5pm and I only just got out of bed. I haven't eaten and I don't know how to get myself to cook or take care of myself in general today. I managed to wash my face, but for some reason I can't stop crying. My tears are messing up my skin care. It's kind of expensive so it feels like a waste. This whole day feels like a waste. I've gotten so far battling this the past few years, but it's been a while since I've had a day this bad. I feel like I've gotten weak, like I can't deal with the hard days anymore. It's been creeping up on me, I could tell that something like this would come. But I didn't act, not really. I talked to my psychiatrist and we upped my dosage to try to break the fall, but I've barely been taking my meds, because I've been sleeping so late. I stay up until 6am for no reason other to feel anxious. I'm a student and I have so many deadlines and tests coming up. Every day lately I feel like a failure for not making progress on them. I don't know how to cope at the moment. It's so hard to get myself to do something today, especially eat or study. Please help. I need to hear that I'm not a waste, that this day isn't over, that I can still keep going. I'm studying at the university I wanted to, living in the big city I dreamed of and finally working on finding myself and being the person I want to be. I don't want to lose her, that person I was becoming. It's so dark out. I'm sorry for ranting. I'm not suicidal at the moment, just struggling to get through the day. I need some encouragement.",2 "Hey! I've been taking 100mg of sertraline for 2 or 3 weeks, having taken 50mg for 8 weeks. My main obsession is about sleep at the moment so I was hoping the SSRI would help my insomnia. I've had a week on 100mg where I did sleep much better and felt way less anxious but it seems to have worn off now. I wondered if anyone kept feeling as if their lower doses were wearing off, and if moving up to 150mg/200mg did the trick? I just want to have faith it'll get better!",1 "Disclaimer: I'm not saying all religion is bad. Anyone here have trauma following an extremely toxic and negative experience with religion? I was born into it. I didn't notice the cultish practices till I gained some knowledge and insight. By then it had been 28 years. I'm getting better and I've removed most triggers from my life. Sometimes, though, little things come out of the blue that I never expected to be a problem. One week in a psych class, they encouraged us to have a ""gratitude journal."" For most people, this would be incredibly helpful and I can see the benefit in it. For me, it reminded me of all those times I had been coerced into being grateful and having ""perspective"" because that's what God wanted. It didn't help me feel better, it just made me know I couldn't seek support for my mental illnesses in those spaces. It was...horrible and isolating. Anyway, just wondering if anyone else has experienced this?",3 "First off, sorry if this is the wrong sub. I believe this is ADHD-related, but I'm not 100% sure. I'm not the best at explaining things, so I hope this all makes sense. ​ I've been having a lot of difficulties getting up in the morning. And by morning, I mean anything before 1 pm. I'm a college student with morning classes, so this has resulted in a lot of complications, including having to drop a class. I've always been a heavy sleeper, but this is something different. ​ Setting alarms doesn't help, I will sleepwalk to turn them off. Having someone wake me up doesn't help, I'll sleeptalk and trick them into thinking I'm awake. Light doesn't help, I sleep right through it. I even tried taking my Adderall right away to see if that would help me wake up, but I sleep through that too. ​ I see a counselor, a psychiatrist, and I recently went to a doctor about this. Counselor says ""of course you don't want to wake up, who does in this world?"" The psychiatrist suggested it could be the Vraylar I'm on, so we reduced the dose (more on that in a bit). The doctor says it's the stress of being a college student while working three part-time jobs, which is fairly plausible. They ruled out it being anything physical using blood tests. ​ Since reducing the dose of my Vraylar from 3mg to 1.5mg (it has been about a week), I noticed that I'm no longer stuck in bed because I'm tired like it was before. Now I feel stuck because I physically cannot get up, like my body is paralyzed. It's almost like task paralysis, but specifically with getting out of bed. ​ Like I said before, the possibility of it being stress is a possibility, but for me, it feels like more than that. I don't really know what to do about it anymore. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you in advance.",0 "Recently I’ve begun to suspect I might have ocd. All my life I’ve dealt with intrusive thoughts, a need for actions to be done an even number of times, and an extreme discomfort when it comes to people touching me (not even in a romantic way, even before the pandemic just someone brushing my hand accidentally is enough for me to internally freak out, and makes my whole hand feel dirty somehow. I don’t have any trauma related to physical touch, either). I don’t know if this is a normal thing or if I am just an anxious germaphobe. I know Ocd isn’t a self diagnose type of thing, and that isn’t my intention at all, but I can’t tell if I’m being paranoid or if it’s worth getting looked into. I’m not an attention seeker by any means, I just want to know why my brain works the way it does, and I’m starting to suspect it might be some form of ocd. Edit: grammar",1 " I just had to share this bizarre thing that happened because I have no one to tell. I went to listen to a podcast that I like that I haven't listened to in a while and the newest episode was titled something along the lines of ""What if you had a bizarre fear?"" so immediately I am thinking that I relate to this because my current OCD theme is a fear of rabies and therefore bats. I looked in the description of the episode and it said ""What is you had a bizarre fear and it came true?"" at that point I started freaking out. So then I started listening to the episode on double speed because I wanted to reassure myself that it had nothing to do with rabies and why would it when I have never met anyone else with this fear. Throughout the episode it was weird how much my story was the same as hers. OCD started as a child with health OCD. Had fears of tetanus. Didn't get her license till she was 24 because of OCD (I'm 22 and still working on getting mine). Afraid of flying. etc. Then she goes on to say that she has had a strange recurring phobia of.... rabies. Literally, chills ran down mine spine and I had to stop what I was doing and calm down. What are the chances?! The rest of the episode is about how the fear became real when her son had a bat land on his hand (which actually did make me feel a little better because I am afraid of having a bat scratch me and not notice) and everything turned out okay for her but it made me feel again like my fear is justified again which isn't great.",1 "It’s been a year now since the break up. I’m 23 female. He ended things over text message which doesn’t help someone who lost a brother( who was less than a year younger than me) from suicide unexpectedly. So many other red flags that I’m now noticing. But I can’t stop thinking about them and him! It’s always on my mind. I don’t think I’m still hung up on him because if he called me saying he wanted to get back together it would definitely be no! But he’s on my mind A LOT. Mainly the red flags and I’m over analyzing, like what if that’s not what he intended and I’m just exaggerating. He was my first boyfriend I should be over him. But I can’t ! I’ve tried hobbies etc. watching tv is my only true escape.",1 I don’t know how to be okay and I really wish I did because I don’t want to wake up feeling like this anymore.,2 "It's incredibly hard. I can't function. I can't work or have relationships. I can't bathe. It's almost impossible for me to exist. If it wasn't for donating plasma I'd have no income. I live with my disabled mom and my brother who has horrible anxiety and can't even go outside. I have to everything but I barely can do things. Most I do is shop or pay the bills online. I do have some people skills and can talk to people fine. So I can manage getting help with issues like rent and bills when I need too. But it's like I barely get by. My best attempt at explaining my issue is a thing I used to do as a kid. I hold my hand out, palm up. And I tell myself to close my hand into a fist palm up still. I then said never open your hand. Then I said to myself, okay now open your hand up. And I couldn't open it for like an hour. I was freaking out and screaming at myself to open, inside my head. It was only when I let go of all thought and impulsively open it that I felt freed. This is a good way to explain what I go through everyday. It's like there are two of me inside my head always making decisions. When ever the odd gets triggered it becomes a tug of war where no actions are taken. The default means I don't do the thing I tried to do. For example shower or go to work. I'll freeze up until I give up cause I can't move. I'll be in total discomfort and anxiety mode and freaking out cause I can't make myself go. My only thoughts are, I don't want to go... But I need to go...I'll just replay that over in over in my head until I just end up giving up and not going or not taking a shower. It effects even friends. If I start to feel like I have to talk to them or hang out I'll end up avoiding them or become uncomfortable while hanging out with them. I don't have insurance cause I'm 32 with no job and I don't even have a therapist to talk to and I'm not even able to pay for it anyways. It feels like there is no room for me in society and I don't know how to live.",3 "I’m a 16 year old male who is straight. It all started 2 weeks ago when I was sent a dick pic randomly and then I was called gay for looking at it. I then thought, “am I gay?” It first started with me being very anxious, I didn’t feel like eating some times and it was horrible in the mornings and I couldn’t sleep te to time and I cried a good amount. The fears then slowly went away but the thoughts were still there. This lead me to think, “I am in denial the thoughts don’t give me anxiety.” And that made me worried then I asked a gay friend about advice and she said that I am figuring out my sexuality which made it worse. Now I feel so confused and I feel gay, I feel like I turned gay im so confused on if I’m straight or gay and I don’t know what to do. I am always googling stuff on HOCD and every guy I look at I feel attracted to. I just want this to be over with. It feels like I’m denial and I’m just so confused I don’t know if I’m straight I can’t tell. I’m scared if it’s not even HOCD and it’s just denial.",1 "I've noticed that when I eat red meat after having not had it for awhile, i feel really good - less anxious and more secure. You know how we often say getting on medication is like putting on glasses for the first time? For me, this is like my whole self comes into focus, like Caspar the ghost when he becomes a real boy. I just feel more present (I have inattentive type ADHD). I suspect it could be iron but other iron-rich foods don't give the same effect. I eat red meat pretty infrequently but I'm thinking about including it more intentionally. A meat substitute that was just as effective would be fine, too, but I have yet to find it. I was wondering if anyone has had a similar experience with red meat or with another food.",0 "Hello everyone I have a question about Groinal response. I had Hocd Pocd and I had various groinal response. Today I looked TV and I Saw a little girl (8y) and I had groinal response, warming feeling (burning feeling ) in my penis and Idk why but I have this sensation since one hour like I'm going to blow ... I had other groinal response like a few precum (with Hocd )",1 I'm 45 year old woman (NZ) and have just been diagnosed. Started taking ritalin 3 days ago. Day 1 and 2 I took 5mg in morning and lunchtime. Today 10mgs each time. Day 1 I felt a weird mix of anxiety and calmness but feel quite conscious of myself. Like I don't fully trust myself in conversation. My head definitely feels calmer but with strange bursts of energy and euphoria. Part of me keeps questioning if I'm reacting like this maybe I don't have adhd. Taking such a low dose but I really feel it. Does it level out over time?,0 "I feel like I get pushed into them and he just doesn't get it. I get so self destructive during them and I try to not have them but I swear, one day this is how I'll die. I cant make them stop. Please help. How do I explain to him that I just need more patience. I need him to be straight forward and not lie to me about how he feels. This is all my fault. I cant handle this.",3 I moved 1k miles away to basically restart my life and Ive failed. I can't get away. I can't look at anything family related without being reminded how shit my parents treated me. I cant feel love or joy without drinking. Im losing hope that if itll ever get better,3 "If you had watched The Matrix, you remember the scene where Neo was learning martial arts automatically inside the matrix because there was another guy (outside the matrix) who installed them from the computer directly to his brain. Neo was then able to perform martial arts unconsciously, effortlessly, smoothly, and without thinking. Having aspergers feel like we are all in the matrix but the difference between us aspies and other people who are neurotypical is that they have the social skills software in their brain but we don't. Because maybe the guy who control the matrix forgot to. Thus ""normal"" people are able to socialize with others effortlessly and smoothly without even thinking but we stand there staring at them and having no idea how the fuck they are able to do it so easily. Now we, neurodivergants, need to learn what exist in that software by ourselves; because we need it to adapt and survive in this world. Sorry if my english is not good enough.",3 "So basically I (19) nearly got into a car crash because I had a scatter-brain moment and ever since then (last Sunday), as a coping mechanism I will think of the moment I could’ve seriously hurt someone, and I will focus on finding a specific sensation. Closing my eyes, focusing energy until it feels “just right” and then I will snap my fingers and “black it out”. Any time a bad thought occurs now, I do the whole shebang and snap my fingers to get rid of it. I can acknowledge I have OCD tendencies (not the sensationalized “I have ocd because I like to be clean” misinformed version, but because I hyper-focussed on wondering if I had OCD multiple times in my life, I figured out a lot about it and made a reasonable, educated assumption) I know a major diagnosis factor to OCD is that it has to be disruptive enough and distressing enough. I have had a few points in my life of intense symptoms, but then they go away and I am back to thinking nothing is wrong, that I am relatively normal. The worst any of my symptoms got is when I was a preteen. Then my symptoms flare up after something kind of traumatic happens. It is like this: right now the snapping fingers thing is working. It is relieving the anxiety and not letting any of the bad thoughts hit. It almost feels perfect. I am having wonderful days. Euphoric, even. But I am sure, eventually, there will be a crash. I really don’t want to stop snapping my fingers. I know damn well the thoughts are going to get more frequent. I really would not be shocked if I got diagnosed with OCD but I am in the process of finding out if I have ADHD, which is the most pressing issue rn. It’s not like I have a low chance. I have Tourette’s so god knows. Plenty of co-morbids to go around. Mental health is exhausting.",1 I need help for a friend. They took like 4 pills of some sleep medication they ordered online and feel really dizzy now. They live in another city so all I can to rn is stay on the phone while they r more or less sleeping (drifting off and waking up again). Anyone knows what could happen? Or what else I could do? I mean it’s “just” 4 pills but I’m worried.,2 "About a year ago I lost a very large amount of money and ever since Ive felt pretty badly depressed. I have been rather unhappy since age 14 or so but the past year Ive felt a lot worse, I almost committed suicide. The most prominent aspect of my depression is that I can hardly focus anymore. Also learning new things is almost impossible because my learning mechanism seems to be 100% broken by the depresssion. I used to be pretty smart and a fast learner which allowed me to ace through school without any effort despite my shitty mental state. I always saw my raw intelligence as the ace up my sleeve that would help me go through life but now I think Ive lost my natural potential. It feels like my brain is constantly foggy and its driving me nuts. It that something that will pass or is this permanent? Does anyone else have such symptoms?",2 "Anybody on an ssri like Zoloft, Paxil, celexa, lexapro, Prozac or Luvox ever have luck with another one working after one pooped out on you?",1 "I'm trying to better myself, I've started a new job two months ago and got back in touch with a few old friends. Trying to find new hobbies etc... I'm not where I'd like to be yet, but it's a start. Problem is I'm still often quite miserable and now exhausted. Probably better on average than before, but I still find life so hard. And my life is comparatively very easy vs other's lives and probably my future life. I'm just worried it will always be like this (or even get worse) and I'll spend my whole life trying to 'fit in' and be content with life and the world but not being able to. There are some things that are impossible to overcome after all, maybe my ASD is that for me. Work has me stressed and I'm still an extremely lonely, anxious, insecure and self-hating person and cant see a way out of that anytime soon. I know I shouldn't, but today I feel like giving up. I've learnt that this sinking hopeless feeling does pass, even though it seems like it never will in the moment, but it's still making me depressed and I've got a lot of work to do. Experienced this? Any tips? Tl,dr: Today I feel like I'll never live a life without constant depression and anxiety. Any suggestions on what I can do to help?",3 "Hi, I have inherited OCD with CPTSD. I’ve been making a lot of progress and have been going to therapy for a couple of years now. The only thing that’s left to deal with is to get rid of the physical discomfort caused by my anxiety related to ocd thoughts. I have a serotonin deficit. I’ve try to make up for it in multiple ways. After a long journey and some recent ocd attacks me and my therapist decided i’d be referred to a psychiatrist and given an ssri (fluoxetine). This will occur this wednesday. I am very interested in psychiatry and therefore I know a heck of a lot about how SSRI’s work. However I need to ask someone for their experience with emotional bluntness caused by fluoxetine. please do also mention if you didn’t have any experience which such a symptom. I don’t want to lose my empathy. Thank you so much! We all got this !",1 "Just wanted to introduce myself after finding this community. I'm an autistic aussie from Victoria, I'm in my late 20s and I love Video Games. I'm excited to learn more about my autism through this sub-reddit so hey everyone, I hope you don't mind a new friend? 😊",3 "... and I am, as they often say around here, bricking it. It's been around six months since I (41M, UK) stumbled into the ADHD community and I started to realise that maybe, at middle age, my brain hadn't been behaving as advertised for the longest time and that maybe I'm not just a lazy, scatter-brained, unfocused screw-up. My GP referred me to the local psychiatric team, and two successive psychiatric evaluations (one via Zoom, one in person) agreed to refer me to a local NHS Adult ADHD service. I badgered them every few weeks to find out what the waiting times were like (my GP said it was up to 2 years) but the reception staff at the specialists informed me that it had reduced down to around 6 months . Yesterday I got an appointment text through for my first proper specialist assessment (the first is via phone, the second in person) and, yeah, I'm panicking a little. My wife and daughter are doing their best to reassure me, and I've already had multiple professionals say 'Yeah, it's probably ADHD' but I'm terrified that the specialists will tell me I'm fine. I have no idea where that leaves me. Please tell me I'm just overthinking this.",0 I hate the nights when it's nightmare after nightmare when I'm asleep. I literally start to shake and can't move when I abruptly wake up. Tonight's an awful night😞,3 "This is not going to be a serious post, but it was an interesting thought that came to me by itself. Assuming that Aliens are real, and that humans were manufactured by them with the intent to create a slave race. In this scenario, maybe Autistic people was originally an experiment while Aliens were perfecting the human species or maybe a different breed of humans. People have told me that Autistic people have that 'look' about them, and apparently (after looking it up on Google) Autistic children tend to have bigger eyes, shorter noses, shorter middle face, bigger upper head, messier hair, thinner lower face. Autistic postures are also different, our brains are also different, maybe we are not quite human? This Autistic human race or experiments that the Aliens made may have created them to do the jobs that Allistic humans cannot do as well, Allistics have a more generalised brain while Autistics have a more specialised brain, so maybe Autistic people were created for certain jobs such as IT or caring for creatures. The Autistic race would have odd gender biology, since Autism is much more common in boys there would have been more males 1 female for every 4.2 males. Autistic males on average tend to be more socially impaired than females giving the females a wider choice with picking their favourite one while competition between males would likely be more prevalent, but Autistic females are also more tomboyish than Allistic females so there would likely be less difference between the Autistic genders, especially socially. My theory is that Autistic people were absorbed into the Allistic population after the Aliens left, Autistic females are better able (not speaking for every Autistic female since there are exceptions) to function in Allistic society but there is always a fairly limited supply of Autisic females. After some time, many of the Autistic females have chosen Allistic males over Autistic ones, eventually resulting in the extinction of the Autistic human race. At present day, Autism happens randomly due to the surviving Autistic genes within the Allistic genepool.",3 "I've been having anxiety attacks almost daily for the last two months after a breakdown. I'm a people pleaser and tried to take on more than I could handle, and that took its toll on me. Now I flare up at every little thing. I start shaking, feeling like trash, having intrusive thoughts, the whole package. Now there's a new thing. Along with the ideas about killing myself, I have a warm feeling in my wrists. I don't know how to feel about this, but I do know that it would be my go-to move if I ever wanted to ""end it"". I need help",2 "Throughout the year I have slowly been distancing myself from my friends for a couple of reasons. One of the reasons is that we are both changing. They are developing into different people, since that is part of growing up (I'm 16 btw) and I am as well. I just don't want to talk to them anymore because we don't share the same humor or anything anymore. I also distanced myself because I am very introverted and prefer to just stay to myself. However, now I really don't have any friends. As much as I like staying to myself and enjoy that most of the time, it does get very lonely. I don't need much, but I just need some form of communication, it can drive me crazy some days/nights. I live with my dad, who is my best friend and only friend, and he goes out of town once a week which is usually on a Saturday or Sunday. That 18 hours or so he is gone it is so draining to not have anyone to talk to. I think I would be okay even if I had someone to text maybe. It is very hard on the brain to go without any talking to anyone for 18 hours. If I recall, I'm pretty sure you can get brain damage if you isolate yourself in a room for three days (that would need to be fact-checked though), so I can't imagine the psychological effects it is having on me to go 18 hours.",2 "Hello everyone, So last night I had a first and I'm concerned about it. I'm about to get into the back story briefly and it'll hopefully explain how I believe these two situations may be connected so if you're concerned about being triggered, don't read on. \* \* \* \* \* Ok, so when I was young between the ages of roughly 9-16 my mothers boyfriend basically acted as a peeping tom. Only moving to the next level at the age of 16 where he moved to actual physical assault when I was attempting to sleep which resulted in me coming forward. He would spy on me in the shower, walk in on me in the bath, steal my underwear to use for his sexual tool... ect. It went on for years. I always felt on edge whenever he was around and still struggle with bathing to this day. Always fearing someone's going to enter into my apartment when I shower. I live alone and I usually just humor myself by checking my apartment to make sure no one's in there except me. Checking I've locked my door ect and I'm all safe to tuck in for the night. This isn't a constant thing just when I feel like I need to, same with the lasting fears, some days are better than others. Last night however, I was sleeping and woke up and had the fright of my life. I woke up and THOUGHT someone was in my apartment, seeing what I thought was someone walk from my kitchen to my bathroom in a brief flash. I immediately start screaming (because I legitimately thought there was someone else in my apartment). I don't remember what I screamed at ""them"" something like "" Who's there"" or something like that, but a moment later I switched tactics to screaming out my open window for help, I noticed my neighbor was in his car (something he regularly does late at night) desperately screaming for help. I couldn't find my phone, I was terrified! Thinking any second this persons going to come out of hiding and attack me. \*for reference my ""bedroom"" is in my living room and my ""living room"" is in my bedroom as I use it as a work office. I have my bed in a corner of the room opposite the front door, the front door is next to the kitchen with the bathroom right on the other side. The head of my bed is up against a wall that on the left of it has the access to my balcony, and at the top is a window. Me neighbor ended up driving off a few seconds later and I was like fuck this, I tried searching for my phone one last time before opening my balcony door, climbing on my balcony, then onto the little awning and down one of the decorative support beam things... I buzzed one of me neighbors and they assisted me in helping me get in touch with the buildings care takers. It took me literally 30 minutes to calm down. I was so assured there was someone in there. Even after my neighbor bravely checked that my front door was still in deed locked, I still felt so uneasy. It all seemed so absolutely real. I remember feeling like I needed to vomit after exiting my apartment. Now I'm just embarrassed and concerned. Am I losing my mind?! This is the first time anything like this has ever happened where I was so absolutely sure someone/something happened when it hadn't. Could it be connected to past trauma and my brains just screwing with me? Or is it possibly something else? Thank you for reading my novel, sorry if it's not super clear. Any input would be greatly appreciated.",3 "I have been struggling with ideation since around 2016, but recently it’s amped up to the point of sincere concern. I’ve dreamt of it, my daydreams drift toward it, and I’m so tired of constantly thinking about ending it all. I’ve tried antidepressants but they (ironically) made it worse, and I really don’t want to go on them again. But the problem is that I’m afraid that if I talk to someone about it they’ll either report it to my parents (or some other authority) or i’ll be hospitalized against my will. Any sort of advice will help, thanks.",2 "I am in 25 year old med school student, even though I've never had an official diagnosis by a doctor, a psychologist told my parents when I was a young boy that he suspected of some kind of ADHD, but we never got confirmation because they stopped taking me to our sessions. I've had the pleasure over the past seven years of discussing and discovering about ADHD with many doctors, and reading a lot in this sub has thought me a lot about myself. I honestly have always avoided sessions with a doctor because I'm afraid that they will diagnose me with something and I am not sure how I will deal with confirming that I actually suffer from something. To keep things short, I have always wanted to try meds prescribed by a professional to maybe see if all my symptoms could calm down and help me with my daily studies. I have always thought of myself as someone who could achieve a lot, and that I am an untapped resource off talents that I have never been able to discover because I lose interest in everything too fast. My main question here is that if you believe that medication can actually help someone achieve a lot more in life. Maybe all those things I feel that I could achieve, I have never done so because my mind is not capable of doing it because of my ADHD; would being on medications and seeing a doctor help with achieving all those things I feel I could? I'm not sure if I'm making any sense, but take for example the fact that I decided to become a doctor, but I have a huge passion for business and trading, and when I have tried to learn about it, I've always veered off out of lack of concentration and compromise. Wood seeing a doctor and taking meds help me and tap that passion for business and trading and actually help me achieve something noteworthy? I'm not saying medication is something to take slightly and that they work wonders and magic, but if they could actually improve someone's chances to become successful in an area.",0 "A question for who suffers from OCD, even if you take your meds, are you still bothered by some compulsion or intrusive thought that won’t just go away, and you’ve accepted that even taking your medicine those intrusive thoughts and/or compulsions simply won’t go away?",1 Hi all. I've been trying to get discord access and I've messaged a couple people but no response. Trying to figure out who to ask.,3 "I suffer from adhd. Every night around the time everyone else goes to bed I like to paint my miniatures. I hyperfocus on them and listen to stories. It is my favorite thing to do. But I feel like I have to wait till no one else can bother me to do it. But every night my sister wakes up gets upset and tells me to go to bed. It takes a lot of will too. I have tried painting earlier. But it feels like others rely on me for help. When I do paint I paint for hour son end as it makes me happy and I like the solitude and quiet. But when I do it during the day everyone is awake. I don't know how to feel about all this. While I do have my own personal art room. I will spend hours and then unknowingly stay up till 2 am. Plus it feels like my older sister treat some like a child and demeans me. She does this for some other time related things. But specifically going to bed. I feel like at times it could be emotional abuse. But on the other hand I should sleep but I'm not tired yet.",0 "Was anyone else relieved when the pandemic hit and people had to wear face masks (no need for facial expression enigmas then) and were actually washing their hands? My wife chides me about this, but I was elated that everyone else was finally obsessively using hand sanitizer (as I always have) until the realization dawned on me that there might be a kink in my supply chain. Panic ensued! 🙃 Note: I am in no way making light of the hell that is COVID-19.",3 "For as long as I remember, sometimes when thoughts pop into my head I need to find a pattern in the words before I can move on. For example “I am a girl” satisfies my brain because it goes odd - even - odd - even letters in each word. If it was “I am the girl” I need to find a way for the sentence to make sense in a pattern before I can move on. Could this be ocd?",1 "So you get a nagging pain that you can't do anything about. It's just something that needs time, but here in the now it's constantly reminding you that it's painful. What do you do? You do what your parents told you to do all those many years ago. You stop thinking about it. In reality what you do is you stop paying attention to it. You write it out of your loop of thoughts and go about your day. It's a basic skill that everyone learns. Now, imagine being in so much pain that the normal sort of program your brain has for such events simply can't handle it. You can't help but pay attention to the pain. So your brain does the only thing it can. It just stops paying attention to everything. It disconnects you from that pain in the only way it knows how. Completely. It has to. Your brain is literally suffering along with you, hence the new chemical cocktail that resides up there that you now enjoy. How does this play out for you on a day to day basis now though? The whole reason you get into ruts of just bad choices in life is because you stopped paying attention. You miss the obvious flags. And I do mean obvious flags. Why do you fall for the same people? Why do you keep eating the unhealthy foods? Why aren't you taking better care of yourself? Because you aren't paying attention. So we miss the patterns that we can easily see in others. We know what pain is. We know what it does to you. We can easily see the patterns in others, but ourselves? We taught ourselves not to look. We had to. It was the only way we could survive. Those of us who stare too long into the abyss tend not to make it back out again. It's not an easy fix, either. You can't just suddenly notice you aren't paying attention and just start. It doesn't work that way. Whatever way the world has decided is the ""normal"" way to pay attention does not work for us. It just doesn't. It's not even apples and oranges. It's like apples and brain surgery. We have to teach ourselves how to pay attention to things that directly involve ourselves after perhaps decades of not doing so. That? Pardon my french, but it's fucking hard. The only analogy I have for it is it would be like having a giant lake whose waters have receded and finding a boat several hundred yards from shore just stuck in the dried mud. And now you have to drag that boat from its entombment and then towards the water. By yourself. So what do I mean by all of that? I've talked about there not really being much of a difference to your brain before when it comes to physical or emotional pain. Pain is pain. What I've begun to notice is there are a lot of times that I'm in a lot of physical pain where I'll seek to disconnect from that pain as quickly as possible. Without ever even considering doing something about the pain. I don't ice it. I don't take a hot shower with the massaging head and a near endless supply of very hot water. I don't take anything extra for it. I don't even smoke pot for it. I'll pull up a game I know by heart and zone out into it. Just a repetitive task that helps me not think about the pain. Something that mimics what I did as a kid just endlessly throwing a football straight up as I lay in bed trying to get a perfect spiral. For hours. If you think about it, this really explains a lot of things. Why does your mother stay with the abuser? Why is your memory shot? Why do you keep doing the same dumb stuff over and over again? Because, even though you may have a brief moment of clarity now and again where you can see that you're doing something wrong, you don't have the presence of mind to notice when you start to go down the wrong path again. You just follow the rut in the road you've made for yourself because that's the path of least resistance. It's the devil you know. And when you are in pain for decades? You eventually just accept that this is what life is. You forget whatever clarity you had when you were younger because that too begins to cause you pain. You just disconnect until there is nothing left to connect back to. Oh yeah, it's also why friendship is hard on us. It's why you are constantly questioning if your friend is really your friend. You aren't paying attention enough to be able to make rational decisions. That extends to human interaction. You'll even try to be extra vigilant when it comes to friends. You might see everything from an interaction and be able to play it over and over again in your head. But noticing the important parts like how they were looking at you, or the tone in their voice, or remembering all the things you and that friend have done? That won't be there. So of course friendship is rough. Relearning pattern recognition is hard. Figuring out what you should be doing is hard. Everyone else seems to be floating along without a care in the world. As I've pointed out before, though... the T in PTSD stands for traumatic. As in, you've had a traumatic injury. You have to rehab that. Relearning how to understand patterns in your life is the work you have to put in. It's frustratingly slow, tedious work. At least, at first. I'm still at the beginning of this. I'm dragging a ship that, I think, was carrying cement as its cargo. But I can see the shore and the ship is at least no longer stuck. I imagine that as I get rid of more and more of the bad habits and trust in my ability to see patterns that it will get easier. The more I use these muscles that I've let atrophy, the easier life will become for me. And that goes for not only my actual muscles, but those in my brain. Staying rooted here in the now as opposed to being caught between a state of disconnect from my past and fear for not being able to figure out my future. Do that, and you'll notice more. You'll notice the kindness in your friend's voice. You'll notice the menace in the person you're dating. You'll trust your feelings more and more. That's the work. That's the rehab. That's PTSD. \*endnote\* Sorry about the length. When I started I wanted this to be two paragraphs. Sometimes this stuff just sort of pours out of me, though.",3 "I only just found this sub, I don't know if OCD counts as a depressive disorder so if this isn't the right sub I'm really sorry, I didn't know. Ive had it drilled into me from day one that swearing was a Sin; so it became so ingrained in me that Swearing is Bad, Thou Shalt Not Say The Lord's Name In Vain, Thou Shalt Not Associate with people who swore or mentioned sex or who didn't put their knife and fork together in the proper manner, the very thought of my swearing, or the like, made me self-harm. Like it was such a betrayal to do so that I needed to punish myself.  OCD developed. I started obsessively repeating phrases I formulated over and over and over and over in my *head*, just to avoid even *thinking* a ""bad word"". I still do, and it goes on all the time, day and night, thinking phrases on autopilot, with no way to turn my brain off or slow it down to sleep or talk with friends who swear to stop me from cringing when they're talking. Stops me sleeping, instead I tell people I'm an insomniac, and THEN I read about a guy in a book who takes other people's pain away, but experiences it himself. From then on my obsessive brain extended the same thing to whenever ANYONE ELSE swore, or when or whenever anything that was remotely ""bad"" was mentioned, discussed, or even thought about. I would be filled with self-hatred. And it still goes on. All. The. Time. I'm trying to hide it from my friends and be a normal guy for them, but it's led to my being filed in peoples' minds as a ""wierdo"" when I've acted strange or become upset at what they consider a normal sentence- what I KNOW is a normal sentence but my brain doesn't. I'm scared to tell my friends because I don't want the same thing. Phrase repetition is my only defence from the desire to self-harm, as it means I'm constantly thinking about something else, but what I want is to be able to think about NOTHING. Can I distract myself from phrase repetition while avoiding self-harm? Any more information you want, bear in mind there's stuff I don't want to share.",2 "It’s the same. My relations with my friends and family are all screwed up and messed up. I don’t even know how to fix them or begin. But either way, not that anyone cares really. Nobody would care if I wasn’t here. I want to die. I’m done. I want to kill my self. Give me ideas as to how please! Something foolproof",2 "This is a question that I really need a logic answer to. Just look at the question on the logic level and not as a disrespectfull one. Because that is not the intent. I just REALLY want an answer to this. If a person, born as a man, starts transition towards being a woman. Because it is a woman born in a mans body. And that person can only have a female partner. Then how close to transition, will that person need, in order to transition sexuality from straight to gay? I mean. The person starts as a man, and ends up as a woman. So the question is quite simple, and can apply to shift sexuality from gay to straight as well, depending on what the person was, what the person will become and what gender the person is attracted to. So... Looking logically at the question (i know it is a long one), then what would the answer be? Note: Please dont take my question as an insult. I just want to know, and I can not post the question elsewere, because NT's tend to put these questions down and say they are homophobic. However I need to know, in order to understand people better.",3 "Does anyone else feel fear that is attached to all conscious beings? Like you're constantly aware of the aggregate suffering in the world and you're afraid anyone might get hurt at any moment? The woman who scanned your groceries this morning; you're afraid she might get hurt. She might get sick, or someone might hurt her. There is a zebra grazing in the savannah, you're afraid a lion might hurt him. That squirrel might get sick. Every conscious being will get sick and die. The fear and danger is just everywhere for everyone. Life is inherently bad. Life is suffering. I can't see anyone living ""normal"", happy lives. Everyone feels pain, gets sick and dies, there is no normal for me to compare to. The entire entire world just seems insane.",3 "Apparently it happens all the time, and I feel so bad that she has to put up with it. How do I stop this? I've never really noticed it until she pointed it out",3 Its so bad that most of the time i am oblivious theblatant obsession i have is actually OCD,1 "Just want to be validated for how difficult it is opening the lid on years of developmental trauma in order to begin trying to heal yourself. Just want to be validated for how once you begin on this journey you will feel exhausted, have more flashbacks, more symptoms, even as things are getting better overall. Just want society to recognise this and give us the care and support we need; the time off work, the recognition. Instead we suffer in silence, because nobody acknowledges our pain.",3 "It’s almost like a switch for me. Like I’ll be happy one second, then when I get a flashback I’ll start crying or I’ll get a panic attack then I’ll get depressed afterwards. Does anyone else’s flashbacks give them constant mood swings? Is there a way you guys handle your mood swings or can help your mental state when getting them? I just don’t know how to work on them and it’s stressing me out.",3 "I had an intense flashback last Friday that ended up lasting three days with really scary images, thoughts and feelings. And then last night I had a nightmare related to the same incident, which definitely didn't help things. Today I have felt absolutely terrible all day -- shaky, nauseous, confused, and like my entire nervous system is overstimulated. I just feel so scared and uncomfortable. It feels like this will never end and I will never be ok again.",3 Hi! I started Prozac 3 weeks ago I’m currently on 20mg and I have 0 appetite whatsoever I mean eating like half a meal a day. Nauseous if I force myself to eat! Anyone have any tips or experience this?,1 I feel as if this is my biggest one. I pride myself on being as honest and upfront about myself and everything in my life. When I talk to people I feel like I have to watch everything I say. Telling the truth but in the back of my mind I’m telling myself that I’m lying to this person. I feel like I’m manipulating them in a way. But I’m not. I don’t think? It’s getting really out of hand.,1 Hey everyone. Long time reader first time poster. I recently started a new job and it's great but I'm working with my ex and I can't stop my intrusive thoughts about her having sex with one of my coworkers. Please help.I know I'm supposed to just accept them but I'm afraid I'm manifesting it happening and I don't know what to do. Even now as I'm typing this I'm counting the Os to make sure they're coming out to a multiple of three. Right now there are twenty seven Os in this statement.,1 "I told a couple of my closest friends that I'm autistic. It actually went really well! I think it'll help in the future since I tend to have a lot of misunderstandings between people. There have also been times where I've made people feel bad without knowing it. This is my journey to improving my life - the more people that know, the easier things will be! I'm really happy about it. Thanks everyone for the encouragement!!",3 "People who experience obsessions like SO-OCD, ROCD, POCD, etc, do you ever feel foggy and confused? I'm at a point where I don't remember how certain things should or shouldn't feel or how things felt before all this. Does anyone feel the same?",1 "TW: Victim blaming, rape, sexual, emotional, and physical abuse, suicide encouragement I hope this is the right sub for this, sorry if it isn’t She convinced them all that I was the abuser, not her. I almost got in trouble a lot. The counselors at the camp weren’t very aware or caring tho, so nothing happened to me. Whenever I tried to tell them they’d get mad at me, tell me to “shut the **** up” “You’re such a liar” “Ugh what a b****” and stuff. They hated me, told me “go ahead and kill yourself” “Everyone would be so much happier if you didn’t exist” they al thought I was trash. They hurt me too, sometimes she got them into triggering me too (from previous trauma/ptsd). They said I was being overdramatized, “stop faking it”, and stuff. When I tried to tell them about how she raped and touched me they wouldn’t believe me, and even if they did they didn’t react well. I remember being told “Are you serious?! First you accuse her of abuse, now this?! You monster.” “She did that?? Good for her, you had it coming, b****” “Stop lying girls can’t rape girls” “Didn’t you mention orgasming in response?? You must’ve wanted it then, you’re being so ridiculous”. I tried to show them the bruises and cuts I got from her hitting me, or giving examples of what she said to me that hit my feelings, and they’d think I was making it up, that the scars were fake, or that I did it to myself for “proof”. My boyfriend’s the first person to react nicely to it, and I’m still kinda waiting for him to suddenly hate me for it. I was able to convince one person. One person. I thought I would finally get away, it’d finally be okay, I would be safe. Then I watched her get convinced I was lying by her again. Every time I tried to tell her she’d do one of her “punishments”. Raping me, beating me up, choking me, making me watch her beat up the othe girl she abused with me until she was unconscious and even past then, triggering me, cutting me.. At some point I realized they’d never believe me and it’d cause me less pain to just shut up. I still kinda feel like they’re right and I did deserve it, and that I am being over dramatic. But maybe deep down I know I’m not, since I put victim blaming in the TW. My boyfriend says that it’s not and she lied to me, but I’m stil so confused. She continuously gaslighted me into thinking that it was my fault and I made her do it, that I wanted it, etc. etc. I don’t really know anymore (Lyric)",3 "Hey y'all! For as long as I can remember I've had a really hard time using people's names. When I meet new people I can't call them by their name for a very long time because I just feel awkward. And when you make phone calls you're supposed to say ""Hello Mrs. ..."" and ""Goodbye Mrs. ..."" I can't do that. Does anyone else have that problem too?",3 "Literally happens every week, getting sucked into fantasies and plans to do things while no effort goes in, and after day dreaming my plans out I've already exhausted the motivation to take action towards any of the seven fleeting, and temporarily all consuming ideas. Does anyone else have similar issues like this?",0 "Does anyone else have to have designated kitchenware that only they use? I have forks that are only for me and if someone else uses my mug, I have to buy another one.",3 "How does someone not only reach out for help, but actually stick with it, when that seems like one of the hardest things possible to do? I'm struggling with convincing myself it's worth it. I don't trust myself enough to believe myself. I have spent my entire life not knowing what was wrong with me, or why every single person I cared about didn't care enough about me to stay. It was only recently that I began truly seeing my overwhelming toxicity. I was misdiagnosed over and over again, and everyone seemed to be convinced that I was just too broken to keep fighting for. But how does anyone expect someone to keep the will to fight or change when no one else believes in them? I can no longer escape the hollow, yet excruciating and painful reality that my soul feels. I don't know how to do this. I know that I have so much more to offer than the half assed version of this person I never was. I desperately want to feel anything other than empty. I'm just so terrified that I'll try, and fail. What do I do?",2 "I don’t know who I am beyond the label of “PTSD” or “survivor”. I spent so many years of my life trying to survive my trauma that I don’t know how to live in the present, even now. I don’t feel at home in my body or in my brain. I just want things to get better.",3 "I was working at all about mail in scappoose oregon, and I just realized that it was too much for me to handle. I've has asperger's all my life and this job was too much. I feel awful but also kinda ok that I set a limit for myself. Any thoughts?",3 "Every time I hangout with people I just completely embarrass myself. I talk so much way too fast and I overshare. I'm definitely eccentric and quirky which I HATE! I want to be calm and normal. The only way I can do that is if I don't say anything. I know people think I'm weird and annoying. People have always said that. I've had a couple close friends (3) and 2 of them dumped me via text message. I would just love to have social cues ... which I seem to be obviously missing :( Can anyone else related ??",0 "I've been stuck at home since the pandemic happened, my last year of college came and went (completely online) and I've since graduated. Still haven't managed to get a job yet, and living in a shitty apartment complex on Long Island makes doing stuff difficult (transportation sucks and you cant walk everywhere). I've had two major depressive episodes already, resulting in my first major run in with depersonalization (other than maybe one time in middle school), and I feel like I'm entering a third one. My usual hyperfixations just aren't cutting it anymore. I usually find myself cycling through them, but now it seems I'm not getting around to the things I wanted to do. I have like 3 or 4 video games that I started but I don't feel motivated to finish. Several shows on Netflix used to hold my attention but now its hard to even focus on those. I haven't been reading webtoons consistently either like I used to. I feel like I'm in a fog when I'm trying to focus on my interests. The worst part is that I know the reason, I've been watching/looking at more porn than usual recently since I ""accidentally"" found a new source, and now I fear that its becoming my new hyperfixation instead of the stuff I actually want to be into. I didn't really notice it at first, then I randomly got one of those ""self help dopamine detox"" videos in my YouTube recommendations. I know that stuff is largely bullshit and wouldn't really work on people with ADHD either way, but the thought of ""you're wasting your life"" crawled its way back into my head, and I think its making everything worse. I just want to actually enjoy videogames and movies without fixating on porn instead.",0 "I literally pace around my entire house and have arguments or full length conversations with people who are in my head. Sometimes I go too far and bring up traumatic experience in these conversations and end up causing myself a panic attack. I feel like I'm preparing for a future conversation that will never happen. I told my therapist that I've had full conversations while staring at my reflection in a mirror or a window(I feel bad for the poor people on the other side just watching my crazy ass) and she said ""wow, that's not normal"". I was wondering if this is an ADHD thing cause I also have Asperger's and general anxiety. Do you guys have any experience like this too that you would like to share? Edit title: Do you guys also have wild conversations with yourself? (autocorrect😅)",0 "I was wondering if anyone has tips or advice on how deal,beat or cope with high heat in humidity especially when you have stuff to do that means sitting in an air conditioned room isn't really an option.",3 "Hi all, I hope you're having a lovely Friday. As I'm looking for the pan to cook some eggs for breakfast, I brought the whole rack of pots and pans crashing down. ""Why?"" you ask? What am I going to do, slowly pull out the drawer and carefully take out the pot I need? Absolutely not. I'm going to reach for the one I think I want and just pull and hope for the best. Anyway, have a great day y'all.",0 "I have one friendship group that knows of my mental health, they know of my PTSD but I dont think they understand, I had someone in the group message me to say I should laugh it off and we all go through something, I believe we all have our own problems better or worst but I got really offended by being told that, I dont know how to explain how serious and bad PTSD is, I dont wanna sound horrible or tell them to stop something they like doing but I also want them to know it's a serious thing and really badly effects me, I really dont like sounding mean at all if it seems like I am, but i dont know how to explain it to people in a way they understand, someone please help, thank you",3 "I am so sorry if this has been asked before. Here is my current situation: Last weekend I went home to visit my family. I love my family now but growing up I lived in an emotionally abusive environment. While visiting I had 2 night terrors and I haven't had one in months. To add to that, my already awful OCD just skyrocketed in severity. I can't even get out of bed out of intense fear and the need to do a bunch of compulsions. On top of this I ran out of my medication and when I went to get a refill was told that there is no medications on my file. To be fair, I am not medicated for my OCD but was medicated for my depression and anxiety, and being off my meds for that sure can't be helping. I am struggling a lot. I took a leave of absence from work because I had planned to admit myself to a mental hospital but I can't find a good one near me. I thought about going to the ER but I won't be able to afford that. I am genuinely losing my mind right now and have no idea what to do. (I also have called every therapist in my insurance network but the soonest I can get in to anywhere is at least three months. I can't wait three months.) Where do I go from here??",1 "ive been suffering from chronic depression since the last 3-4 years. basically since my freshman year of highschool (i just graduated in may). i’m so sick of always feeling that no one likes me, everyone’s annoyed with me, they’re talking trash about me being my back. i hate how it seems like everything is so easy for everyone, and they hardly have to try to succeed. i hate it so much. i feel like i’m slowly drowning, and everyone around me is afloat on a fancy yacht. i change my mind about everything. one day i’ll say “i’m going to be a computer programmer” and the next it’s “i’m going to be a writer”. it’s driving me to insanity. i can’t afford a therapist. i tried college, it was too much. so im living back home with my parents now. everyone around me is just so happy at college, dating and going to parties and making good grades. does anyone relate?",3 "Tw ! Mentions of sexual assault. I keep having these weird anxiety flashback moments. In comparison to other people my assault was barely an assault but for some reason it’s really effecting me atm and I don’t know how to deal with it. Any tips or literally any comments would be very helpful",3 "Not sure if this is something any of you all have experienced, but I seem to go through these periods of time where I’m higher functioning and can almost just about pass as NT and other periods where stress and other external factors cause me to be low functioning. I don’t know how to handle this, it’s affecting my job performance, my ability to maintain relationships, and my outlook on life. It’s like I’m two different people almost I can’t distinguish between. I’m not sure if this is common in families with depression and bipolar? But that runs heavily in my family",3 "At 22 I know I'm still young but I just see where things are heading for me. Nothing's working, nothing ever has for me and I'm drained. I can't sleep right now & I need to get some air, but at the same time I may end up acting on an urge towards myself. I'm so mentally drained",2 I’m F20 undiagnosed but will get tested in around 6 month. I have been showing a lot of adhd symptoms since I was a child. Basically every one expect I have always had good short term memory. Like in school I memorized tons of information 5 minutes before an exam and got good grades. Then however my other symptoms took over and I dropped out despite being a “gifted” student but that’s another story. Is it possible to have ADHD and good short term memory?,0 "Hey everyone, I (M21) have always exhibited and struggled with symptoms of ADHD. Due to a stigma around mental health in my family, I was never tested for it as a child although my schoolwork and other tasks were always lacking. I've spoken to my General Practitioner about my symptoms and it was enough for him to prescribe me Adderall. The thing is though, I would really like an official diagnosis so people like my parents can stop brushing me off whenever I talk about my mental health. How did you get your diagnosis? What's the best recommended path for someone like me getting diagnosed as an adult living in the US?",0 "I attribute it to the feeling of ""falling asleep"" or getting a weird tingly sensation, not sure how to describe it. It feels jittery but also like time just moves slowly. I guess my body doesn't feel intact. Anyone know how to describe this feeling? I am going to take my medication again because it feels too weird. I don't do any drugs or drink much alcohol. I only get this sensation when I am off of Adderall.",0 I am gonna do it no matter anyone.I am prepared to do it finally after 4 years of those thoughts now its time,2 A couple of months ago I went on Adderall for what was believed to be OCD. After that my therapist said she thinks I might have OCD. Today I had an emergency meeting with my psychiatrist and she said I “have really bad OCD”. I was prescribed Luvox.,1 "okay i don’t know if it’s an adhd thing. it feels like every single time i try to do something, something HAS to go wrong even if it’s minor. it bugs me so much because it makes me feel like i can never do anything right and/or the universe is telling me i should just give up already lmao (which i know is probably paranoia but it feels like it’s true.)",0 "i cant trust anyone, i feel like everyone close to me is out to get me, harm me, or destroy my future. I get paranoid the people closest to me are recording me without my permission and even though im not doing anything wrong i feel like im always doing something wrong,,I dont know what to do but I cant take this anymore",1 "I think my obsession on a ""friend"" lasted for 10 years on and off...is this even possible? My behaviour when around being around them in a group suggested I was hyper focused on her as I didn't pay attention to others and clung to her, etc...after having a fall out and breaking my friendship with her because I just couldn't explain my ""obsession"" or whatever it was...I finally managed to be obsessed on another person and actually have interest in them, it didn't last as long. I think I had issues around my interest to her because it would mean I'm gay/bi which is a bit hard to accept when you have a conservative family. Had anyone else experienced this or is this a another disorder and my adhd diagonsis is incorrect? ...",0 "I keep battling my depression but tonight is rough. I’ve been dealing with a lot and felt like I had turned a corner. I’m figuring out a lot in therapy, and made some rather awesome breakthroughs but I’ve made some mistakes recently that just put me down. It’s hard to stay positive with that when I feel so damn alone. I’ve lost all my friends in the last two years, ghosted by the last two I had. I know, I actually do know that I will get through this and be okay but I’m just tired of everything. The fucking struggle to stay afloat and work through this is so daunting. I feel like utter shit, that no one loves me and that I’ll spend my life alone. It’s so unnerving to feel this way when I rightfully know I’m a good person, moderately attractive with a lot going for me. People enjoy being around me, not socially awkward and get hit on even. I fall for the wrong people, get rejected and subject myself to that misery. I feel like I’m worthless, that’s what therapy helped me uncover. At the core root of almost every problem is that. The negative coping strategies minimizing my problems comes from making them smaller so I can work around them. Sitting in this, facing the truth and the extremely uncomfortable reality is pushing me to the edge. I feel unlovable when in my mind I know it’s not true. But the irrational feeling is there. I hate myself so much for falling for the wrong people. I hate myself for being so broken. All the fucked up trauma I survived makes me feel like such utter shit. I don’t feel like I deserve happiness. I _know_ that it’s that. Yet here I am with my mind racing, with a broken heart just feeling so fucking depressed. I feel stupid, because I am not healed and ready for anything but fuck if I don’t feel that I belong with someone. It’s toxic, I’m not ready for a relationship, that’s what I’m struggling with. I choose to go for the wrong people who don’t like me, probably as a way to punish myself and though all my distorted thinking. I’m tired. So damn tired of struggling and feeling so worthless. I’ll get through it, I know that. Just feeling depressed and empty. I just need something to keep me going, maybe another way to look at it. I don’t know, just feel lost.",2 "I haven't been in a relationship in 8 years and haven't done the horizontal tango in 5. Every time I think I'm getting somewhere with a guy, he ghosts me. I mean I'm not ugly, I am BBW. But someone has to like me. I am just so tired and want to sleep all day. I am so lonely I am wondering what the point of living is again.",2 "Has anyone else found a need to wear noise cancelling headphones whenever they can so they don’t have to manually filter out all the noise around them? For example I use music to limit the amount of information I’m taking in, as then there is only one source and I find it relaxing. I suffer with migraines when I’m social or outside a lot so I’ve found that by wearing noise cancelling headphones it helps me. Let me know if you do the same, could be just me.",3 I’m the most depressed I’ve been in a long time today. I don’t wanna eat or get out of bed or talk or anything. I just want to lay here and sink deep into the bed till it swallows me,2 "Hey. Would love some objective takes from people who might get it. Basically, I'm trying to figure out whether or not I should take January - August off of school and find some kind of job for awhile just because I really really need a goddamn break of this broke, chaotic binge-reading health fuckery that is university for an Adhd'r. **Background:** * This is my second degree. I am turning 33 in April and I have made poor life decisions re: my education. * My first degree was in Art History (enough said). Then, at 29 I started a second 4 year teaching degree. * Teaching holds potential as a job with the dynamism, creativity, social aspects, and constant accountability. But I've also learned that teaching is also one giant bureaucratic realm of constant organization, BS mandates, preparation for BS mandates, conflict and intense shame. Plus 60 hour workweeks. Frankly, I'm not sure I can or want to survive it. * Basically, these last 4 years, again, might have been wasted on a career I'm just not meant for and it's terrifying seeing as I am growing more aged and broke by the second. * I am also in deep need of a break from university life to attend to my well-being. However: * I have the prospect of getting a minor next year. * Four more classes in the semester, one in the summer will land me with a Psychology Minor and will also take care of some of the prereqs needed should I need to bail career paths and hop into a counselling MA (which I should have done in the first place). * The problem is this would be followed by my teaching internship year, which in of itself is intense hell. If I do this, I will have no break time before it. **My options are:** 1) Push myself through the minor because it could save my ass later and keep my student loan income. Likely repercussions: school burn out, stress, more poverty. Reading textbooks drains the life out of me and school takes over my whole world. It's hard to date, exercise, maintain friendships etc. In education it's been a lot more generative learning, so the idea of being glued to memorizing psych textbook contents alone in a corner for another 6 months kills the soul. 2). Take Jan-August off. (I start my teaching internship in september) Find some bullshit job and use the time to attend to my health and consolidate what I've learned about teaching before going into my internship. With the knowledge that, eventually, I'll need to change lanes somehow/reapply into a uni to get the prereqs for an MA. Thanks! A bit of a boring dilemma I know, but I can't figure out whether how to balance pragmatism and the need to get my shit together with health??",0 "It's the only way I can relax and I've been drinking gin tonics every day for a while. I feel like my life is just complete shit and I hate myself. I need to talk to my doctor about my medication, but my appointment is on the 12th of August. I just want to drink and not feel the overwhelming anxiety and constant rumination about everything.",1 Is it regular for the sun rays to hurt more to lo aspies eyes?,3 "Relative to ""neurotypicals."" **Eyesight:** Neurodivergent as either mentally near-sighted or far-sighted. * They don't **focus** on the same material with clarity. **Hearing:** Neurodivergent as mentally ""out of tune"" relative to neurotypicals- either too high or too low frequency, which leads to dissonance. * They don't **resonate** with the same frequencies. **Taste:** Neurodivergent as mentally overwhelming or unremarkable. * The don't **input & output** the same information. **Touch:** Neurodivergent as mentally soft or hard. * The don't **feel** the same way. **Smell:** Neurodivergent as mentally over-sensitive or under-sensitive. * They don't **vibe** the same way. I tried to think through a conclusion for this, but I think the function is to remember that the ""spectrum"" goes both ways, with neurotypical in the middle. This isn't to say neurotypical is ""flat,"" more that neurodivergence has a different frequency and amplitude altogether. I just made this graphic to think about it further- each person's functioning is visualized as a sine wave: [Imgur Link To Neurodivergence Frequency Graphic](https://i.imgur.com/PITvG4P.jpg) Neurodivergent minds struggle with being both ""too much"" and ""not enough"" relative to those around them. With good reason, they don't hold or express neurotypical forms synchronously. Occasionally, or through experience-based adaptation, they can match neurotypicals directly, but will be flying off in some other direction the next moment if left to themselves. It is also worth noting that very few people remain at a perfect ""neurotypical"" frequency and amplitude at all times- in fact, it doesn't exist- it's just an average that morphs through time and place. The following is not to downplay struggles- it is to think about situating them into a larger view and considering what can, or even needs, to be within an individual's control. Most things can be seen as a dualistic cycle- day and night, waking and sleeping, birthing and dying. The human body is made of innumerable parts, but generally seen as a single unit- a distant city can be covered by one's own hand. In nature, there is harmony and dissonance. If absolutely everything is taken into a singular lens, the divergence is seen as one.",3 Does anyone else drive around aimlessly after work/school just to avoid going home for a little bit?,2 "A little over a year ago now I found myself in one of the worst possible jobs as someone with ADHD. There's never two days that are the same, constant scheduling of meetings, appointments, due dates- not just for me but for my staff and the residents who's health care and social needs I help manage. A month into the job, I succumbed to the inevitable: I bought a planner. I used it for a week and lost it in the back of my car. A year later I have yet to pull it out of the abyss. (Please encourage me to clean my car.) My team already had a shared appointments Google calendar so we could see when everyone was busy. So, I decided to make my own calendar. I put the dates of appointments, due dates, outings, activities, miscellaneous events, and meetings all on my calendar. What's really nice is I put an event the night before to remind me when something is going on earlier than usual the next morning. This drastically changed my work ethic and I am so thankful for this tool. So thankful that I now have a personal Google calendar on my phone that I use to remind myself of plans with friends and even when people say things like ""remind me to cancel my Adobe in 6 months."" If I haven't talked to a friend in a while, I set a reminder to text them every few weeks to check in. These are tasks I could usually not accomplish on my own even with medication. Why this works for me and a planner doesnt: I forget the planner- I never forget my phone. I hope this tip helps someone else! Give it a try and hang in there everyone. tl;dr- I use Google calendar on my phone for work and personal event reminders. It works better than a planner because I always have my phone.",0 "So a couple weeks ago I finally got officially diagnosed with ADHD. I started on medication today (10mg Vyvanse). I’m not proud of it but I’ve taken “illegally obtained” Vyvanse and Adderall before. It wasn’t for partying or anything, I was just trying to get through university. Whenever I would be able to get some Adderall of a friend, I would have to save it for a day that I was extra struggling on. Maybe for a really important paper or project, or an exam that if I failed, I would be kicked out of school. So today it just kind of hit me, I’m now allowed to be “normal” every day. I don’t have to save it for a day that I need to be 100 percent productive. I don’t have to save it for a day where I would otherwise be having an anxiety attack because I have so much to do but I just can’t. I can take my prescribed and much needed medication and enjoy the things I like, I’ll maybe be able to read a book without getting distracted every 5 minutes, or play a video game without pausing it to do something I just thought of 2 seconds ago, I’ll be able to just exist without 40,000 thoughts going through my head. Maybe I’ll be able to keep my house clean for longer than 12 hours, because I really like my house and it would be nice to enjoy it without seeing piles and piles of mess all over the place. Now I know medication isn’t 100 percent a “cure-all” and I’ve read enough posts on this subreddit to know the euphoria goes away eventually, but I’m very happy and relieved right now and I just wanted to share. I told my mom this this morning, and i’ll share it with you all: “I felt like I had been climbing up a mountain for the last ten years and now it feels like I’ve finally reached the top.”",0 "I am 32 with undiagnosed ADHD (currently trying to go through RTC in UK with GP referral- I’m like 98% sure I have it). TW ED/Body images etc. I am really curious how people have experienced issues with food/body image due to ADHD. I was always an active child but from about 15 I started the classic losing and regaining the same 15lb cycle, due to my mother’s obsession with BMI, and my obsession with food. Food makes me so happy but this has turned into slightly problematic emotional eating followed by a diet when I stack on weight due to being sad. Looking back this could have been due to dopamine chasing and hyper focus on cheese. I have also struggled with hyper focusing on dieting in order to lose weight I literally become obsessed with exercise and my fitness pal or whatever fad I’ve chosen to jump on. I then decided to do intuitive eating and gained 30lbs. But generally feel better about myself because I’ve stopped dieting. Has anyone else found they have weird dieting and body image habits due to adhd? I love exercise but boredom is something I struggled with too. I want to try meds if possible to help manage my symptoms but am a bit too excited about the prospect of weight loss as a side affect, however weight gain is something I struggle with because of adhd. Please share your stories if you are willing and able of your issues and or experiences with eating body image and dieting, and with with meds too. Thank you 🙏",0 " I was afraid of failing in school, because if you have to resit, the learning for the resit must be done while also learning for the next subjects. I didn't want to have to deal with that because this could result in even more resits, so I got this perfectionist mentality of succeeding everything on the first try. The problem with this, is that I didn't enjoy the studying itself anymore. I just wanted to reach the end goal as soon as possible. This mentality shifted to everything in my life. Now that it is vacation, It is lowering again. But I still often have it. So my question is: How do you enjoy things without stressing about the longterm effort that is needed? Examples: when playing a game, I sometimes am like: this is going to take a long time to complete and then I don't want to do it. It will also get in the way of other things. The same with software projects and piano pieces. I just result to watching anime/movies/series/YouTube. I know that if humans did have endless vacation and we also lived infinitely, this problem wouldn't exist. If the future is endless and there is no work, then you can do anything in one go or when you want, without any possible blokkades in the future. How do you focus on only the journey and not be discouraged by the longterm effort?",3 "In my recent writings and self thoughts, I was thinking about all I'd learned about the human social atmosphere in these times. You know the saying actions speak louder than words? In modern times, it has gotten reversed. Where words now speak louder than actions. I thought of this when reflecting back to a time I had a melt-down while at work. I knew why I was going mad but refused myself the ability to speak up because I'd felt my voice was worthless at the time. Probably was as I wasn't the manager and in this current state of workers being slaves, I'd just be fired for speaking my mind because I was expendable. It was due to the fact that I loved the job. It gave me tremendous freedom to work around all that I'd ever loved in life, aircraft, as I was an aircraft fueler. I was going mad when the abused started becoming a case of exponential runaway. They had a wonderful overtime policy where, if someone called off, a person lower in seniority would be mandatory overtimed for that very day. Meaning adding 8 hours to your already 8 hour shift. Humane? I think not. The meltdowns always occurred when the double standards got so thick I couldn't bite through them. With my silenced voice, it became a mental breakdown where I went irate. Where my silenced words came out in an action instead. First time it happened there, I remember how painful it was. Standing there next to a 757 while fueling it, I just started screaming. It was the prospect of not being able to merely do what I loved because of how I was treated. I left a year later after I was tasked to fuel a flight after an already 17 hour day. Then I get nothing but virtues from peers months and years later that I was in the wrong, fully justifying the treatment. Other cases where very similar in that the double standards started piling on to which would cause the aforementioned melt-downs. The longer we deny that we have a voice and an ability to speak up, the longer we remain in mental hells. The moment I started finding my voice was one of the most emotionally reseting experiences in my life. Because I'd finally not cared what others thought, I fell in love with my life. Then fell in love with a rather serendipitous encounter I had. People grew comfortable around the quiet masking Tyler until the moment I found my voice and something to fight for. Effectively being called insane or that I'd needed help. Interesting how people instantly become arm-chair psychologists. I fell in love and through that strength it revealed some rather dark but freeing truths to this world. Because I held on for dear life, it revealed why she ran in the first place. Lies spread against me in order to get her in fear of me. Thus is why I now say words mean more than ones actions. Where everyone is so glued to drama, this is why I'd felt social atmospheres were surrounded in fake manipulative relationships. It was true. We're the ones cognizant about our mask, the majority are not.",3 "I've been told that I have a poker face and people find it hard to tell whether I'm happy, bored or enjoying my work. This was in a work feedback session. That's not the only time though i often get told I look very serious and unapproachable. Gym instructors are always asking me to smile. Does anyone else experience the same thing. I'm not sure if it's an aspergers thing or I just have a resting b*tch face.",3 Sleep disturbances and anxiety made it difficult for me to leave my home and make it on time to my classes.,3 "Hello, I was told to post this here ... I've been having a hard time for years after hearing the details of my GFs assault as a child. I can actually put myself in the room while it's happening. It's caused panic attacks and horrible anxiety that can last for days if I get triggered. I'm in therapy for that and other related things (diagnosed with GAD). I've been successful with CBT, but we just can't seem to get to the core of this. Then I found an article about Secondary Trauma. Has anyone dealt with this type of thing? Picking up PTSD because you care so deeply for someone that their experience becomes yours? I'm desperately looking for answers and this sounds the closest to what I'm dealing with. Any insight would be appreciated. Thanks Edit: My GF has completely come to terms with what happened 35+ years ago. This is a me problem.",3 "Not sure how to word this (& I’m on mobile) so sorry if this comes out confusing. I don’t want to get into the exact nature of my trauma, but essentially I witnessed a crime as a child and have never been able to get closure on who did it, where it happened, what year it was, anything. Recently I’ve been listening to a lot of true crime podcasts (I know) partially because they’re interesting but also because part of me hopes maybe one of them will be what I saw. I feel a deep and almost sibling like bond to the victim of the crime I witnessed and often wish I could do anything to help them but ultimately can’t because I know so little about them.",3 "First therapist didn’t understand OCD and just wanted to put me on meds within the first session of being there Second therapist had experience with OCD, used CBT but not ERP as he said I wasn’t ready for it and that it takes a while to get to ERP stage. I found progress in the beginning, I’m not bed ridden anymore, can do day to day tasks but the thoughts are still running in the background whilst I do these tasks. I want them to stop, I want that bit of relief.. towards the last couple of sessions I was really bad again.. and then i saw a red flag because I told him I was studying full time but had a vacation to go to for my best friends wedding and then he said “why would you go? I’d just study and skip the wedding” And apparently therapists can’t tell you what to do they can only give you advice and give you some tools and techniques to help your OCD. This was clearly him pushing me not to go.. which I thought was fine at first I guess he has my best interests at heart but still felt a bit weird hearing it from him. This lead me to the therapist I’m seeing currently which specialises in OCD has 13 years of experience and even did television programmes for kids with OCD and articles/studies at uni for it 20 years ago. I thought she’d be my saving grace but her personality kind of intimidates me.. I told her that she’s my third therapist and she was very appreciative of taking the time to see her so she said I’m not here to waste your money and I can’t fix you, you can only fix yourself so I’ll give you the tools necessary to do so. This sounded great but then all of our sessions are rushed and filled with tools and techniques but now I’m feeling overwhelmed and when I want to talk to her about my feelings she kind of tries to move on from it really quickly and just thinks very logically and pragmatically and says oh ok so this is what you can do for that particular problem that you have. But I want her to delve more into my problem and unpack it with me .. or maybe she does this because I won’t get reassurance from her if I talk to her about the OCD problem.. i don’t know what to do at this point, my OCD is mild, I don’t have time consuming compulsions it’s just intrusive thoughts but I’d like to be able to live without them, because I know for a fact that if I keep thinking about the thought I’ll spiral so I have to pull myself out of it before that happens but I don’t want to keep doing that hundreds of times a day.. it’s draining. Can anyone tell me what I have to tell/explain to my psych in order to get the right help? I’m sorry for the long paragraph",1 "I just wanted to take the time to write up a little thing hoping it would help someone here, since this method tends to at least prevent me from completely hitting rock bottom. Let's say that you're scared you did x thing. Example: stealing a chicken from your neighbor's farm. I know it's an absurd example, but bear with me. Maybe you can't remember if you did this or not. Maybe you constantly check your memory, reviewing the exact moment you walked into the chicken coop. You feel crippling dread at the thought of being labeled a chicken thief, so you feel obligated to figure it out. Maybe you have real event and you just THOUGHT about stealing the chicken, but didn't actually do it. Hell, maybe you stole it for the day so you could teach it how to play checkers. This applies to all these things. ""I'll cross that bridge when I get to it, if it happens. Maybe I am a chicken thief. I'm sure if the time comes that I need to take responsibility for something, I will. I have the strength to handle either outcome."" In my experience, this requires understanding a couple of things. One, we all make mistakes. Sometimes, some of us make horrible mistakes. Usually they're not as bad as we think they are. Two, all people are capable of doing bad things. Every single person on the planet. This doesn't make doing bad things okay or justifiable. It's a fact of life. Here's the good news, especially for real event OCD! If you have the capability of doing bad or questionable things, you have the capacity to take responsibility for these things. Yes, you cannot undo that bad thing you did or might have done, but you can hold yourself accountable if you are ever called to do so. Especially with false memories, where you're just not sure if you did something or not, you don't have to figure it out. You can take responsibility for it IF you ever need to do that. You're not trying to get away with anything if you continue living your life. You have the mental and emotional strength to take responsibility for your actions because you're a person who cares about how they affect other people. In the case of real event, maybe you would be better off going to your neighbor and apologizing for stealing his chicken if you feel like that's something he would be glad to hear. Otherwise, seeking reassurance from your neighbor that you didn't hurt his feelings or scar him for life will increase your belief that you're a bad person. But in any type of OCD, for me it kind of boils down to ""I might have to deal with this someday. Oh well. I know myself and I know I care about others, even though I've made mistakes."" Sorry if I wasn't clear enough, and I hope this makes some level of sense.",1 "I’m not sure how to phrase this, so I’ll just say it. I don’t really know how I’m supposed to react when people baselessly postulate that they might be ‘just like me’ because of the very occasional slip up or procrastination. On the one hand, the last thing I ever want to do is gate keep ADHD from someone who potentially has it (trust me, I’ve been there). Diagnosis is expensive and difficult, and denying experiences is a shitty thing to do. But on the other hand, there are some people that I know absolutely do not have ADHD that often use it as a casual phrase after doing something poorly- whether it’s a symptom or not. One friend of mine was so convinced she had ADHD she tested multiple times, and every time was found to have symptoms due to other disorders; yet, she’ll still butt into a conversation to speak about her experience. Again— the last thing I was to do is gate keep, so I hold my tongue (who knows— maybe she does have it against all the odds), but I’m starting to feel like ADHD is just an offhand expression or excuse for doing something stupid. Almost used like an opposite term for how OCD was so widely and inaccurately used. How do you all respond to comments and situations like this? How do you honestly correct the errant “maybe I caught it from you!” adjacent comments without accidentally shutting down someone who might need help? TL;DR: how do you balance gatekeeping ADHD self diagnosis and correcting those who obviously don’t have it?",0 "Whenever my cat pukes or accidentally shits on the floor I get so agitated (NOT at the cat whatsoever), but I feel my anxiety levels spike because I have to clean up and sanitize every spot AND also make sure it's dry so that cleaning fluids dont accidentally make their way into my cat too. But during the process I get so angry slamming doors and I have a compulsive urge to throw things. Is there a way I can combat this? Just a side note: I am in control enough of my emotions that I will not take my anger out on other people or my cats that I love so dearly (not that I would want to anyways) ♥️",1 "I have lately been dealing with what seems to be racism OCD. It all started with me sayings racist word in public a year ago. I was not stressed about it back then however, it came back. I have been stressed about the consequences that it would have caused if I had different people around be when I said it and me being racist. Today I was not thinking about that situation anymore nor if i am racist but then something happened. I was watching a video online and I said an extremely racist sentence in my head not out loud. When I realized what I had just thought I started to feel stressed, sad and angry and started to fear that I am racist again. The thing is that I don’t want to be racist and understand that what I said wasn’t appropriate. I saw similar posts about racism OCD here but I feel like my OCD was not responsible for all of these things I said which makes me believe that I actually may be racist and it makes me really mad.",1 "So I might soon be on meds, and it scare me, because I have a lot of ideas (i.e. two words in a homework gave me the whole plot for a book), I even started a project (just started) because I was daydreaming. The sad part, and you know it well, is that I can't continue these projects, sometimes even forget about them. I'm intelligent, and I could realise them, but I fear that taking meds (Concerta or Vyvanse, I live in France) will shut down this imaginative part *what I consider to be part* of my personality. So if you are under ANY medication, please let me know how it changed you on that point, have you been able to realise some projects or does it supress most of these good ideas ? Thank you very much in advance, I really need your experience before taking any meds.",0 "I know this sounds crazy, but I have been wondering lately how many of my thoughts are truely invasive and how many are compulsions my brain makes to occupy myself from the ""truely"" invasive thoughts. Sometimes I'll find myself ruminating with no real trigger, or when experiencing a trigger I am a lot better at responding to, my brain will go ""you normally have an invasive thought here and it goes like this."" Is it possible to have compulsive invasive thoughts? Its like if I haven't had one in a while my brain will start to get anxious by their lack, and come up with one/a scenario to ruminate on before a ""really bad one"" comes up. Anyone have anything similar?",1 "it's almost 6am as im typing this, and i can't bring myself to fall asleep. and this unfortunately isn't the first time this happened to me. im giving up. my mental health has been deteriorating these last few months but this week it's just gotten terribly worse, to the point where i developed an ed. i hate my city, my job, my work environment, my salary, my ""friends"", my roommates... my current situation is tragic. and to fill this void i keep digging up old memories although i try my best to forget them. i just can't. i find myself thinking about things of the past most of the time just to feel worse afterwards. it just kills me how much of a FAILURE i turned out to be, especially when i see my old friends having their life together. sleep used to be the only way i could escape reality and now i can't even have that. i'm just counting my days at this point. i don't know if i can make it til christmas at the very least. i'm just feeling so low. and i have to work in about 2 hours. tl;dr i fucking suck at life.",2 "I just need my kid to brush their teeth and hair, put on clothes and just leave the house on time. Every freaking time it's so hard. I can barely do it myself, it's super stressful. Now I need to make other distracted, unhelpful and careless human being to do it all daily. I'm loosing my shit and need a lot of time after to just breathe. ADHD parents, how do you cope? Update: child in question is 7yo",0 "Do anyone else like me gets thought that he/she should sacrifice a thing to God they want to do(like painting,singing,playing sports) for the good cause of world and get people delivered of sufferings.I mean if u sacrifice your favourite thing then people will be fine?",1 " This article was also published on [KevinMD](https://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2020/08/covid-related-stressors-and-increasing-instances-of-substance-abuse.html) and [Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/balanced/202008/the-other-second-wave). Throughout 2020, the United States has been playing catch-up against the coronavirus. As several well-researched articles have noted, lack of appropriate and timely response has been at the forefront and can be attributed to numerous factors including the highly contagious nature of the virus and simultaneously a delay in formulating an adequate medical management and containment strategy. Unfortunately, this catch-up game has led to one of the greatest losses of human life during a pandemic in recent years. While there are few, if any, silver linings with respect to eradicating this pandemic, the same does not have to be true when we look back years from now and examine how we began mobilizing to stem what is likely to become an increasingly serious public health crisis: psychological-emotional stress and skyrocketing rates of substance abuse. Though data remains preliminary, 2020 has seen a rise in the number of opioid-related overdoses, with more than [35 states](https://www.ama-assn.org/system/files/2020-07/issue-brief-increases-in-opioid-related-overdose.pdf) reporting increases in opioid-related mortalities. The aggravating circumstances behind this disturbing trend are still unknown. It could be due to a rise in the number of people in recovery who had fallen into despair due to the COVID crisis. It could also be because individuals who were already struggling with substance abuse disorders were forced to resort to stronger and often deadlier forms of opioids (i.e. fentanyl) because of financial difficulties or an inability to procure drugs with which they had greater familiarity. Opioid-related abuse may not be the only form of substance abuse on the rise. Since states began locking down in March, there have been record sales of alcohol and cannabis (in states where usage is allowed). Given that the increase in use is occurring in conjunction with social isolation, prolonged confinement, and the additional environmental stressors of living through the pandemic, it is reasonable to assume that abuse of these substances will become common. Though alcohol use is normalized in our culture, heavy drinking is estimated to have resulted in the premature deaths of 93,296 Americans between [2011 and 2015](https://www.sciencenews.org/article/heavy-drinking-thousands-americans-deaths-alcohol?utm_source=email&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=latest-newsletter-v2&utm_source=Latest_Headlines&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Latest_Headlines). The average amount of time that was shaved off an individual’s life due to excessive alcohol use: 29 years. **Acute Stress Disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder** Without question, COVID-19 will inflict lasting trauma on many people in the U.S. This is especially true of those who are on the frontlines of the pandemic, those who have suddenly lost a loved one, or those who have had to undergo lifesaving but invasive medical procedures like intubation. Depending on the nature of the traumatic experience and a host of other factors that can influence resilience, between [5 and 20 percent](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/acute-stress-disorder) of those who experience such trauma may develop acute stress disorder (ASD). ASD is characterized by five symptom categories, including intrusive symptoms, negative mood, dissociative symptoms, avoidance symptoms, and arousal symptoms. ASD is diagnosed when nine or more symptoms from these categories persist for one month or less starting three days after the traumatic event. If the symptoms persist for longer, the diagnosis will likely become post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which affects as many as half of those who initially suffer from ASD. If treated, the average time for PTSD to [remit](https://ghrp.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s41256-020-00155-2) is approximately three years. If untreated, it may persist for up to 64 months, if not longer. Self-medicating with drugs and alcohol is extremely common among patients with PTSD, with an estimated [46 percent](https://www.verywellmind.com/self-medication-in-ptsd-2797539) of such patients developing a concomitant drug or alcohol use disorder. Conversely, [research](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK56498/) has shown that [early intervention](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK201092/) and support directly following the traumatic event can substantially improve prognosis. **Allosteric Overload** A more insidious element of the pandemic has less to do with trauma and more to do with lower levels of stress that do not reach the threshold of ASD or PTSD but can, over time, do serious damage. While there will certainly be thousands of patients who will develop PTSD during or following the COVID pandemic, a far larger number of people are experiencing a steady diet of daily stressors: troubling headlines, worries about infection, the inability to travel freely, and the threat of financial ruin. These individuals may be experiencing what Bruce McEwen described as allosteric overload. Briefly put, McEwen’s research revealed that there is a body-wide network that is hardwired not simply to maintain homeostasis, but to constantly respond and adapt to environmental factors. McEwen called this allostasis. Additionally, he [wrote](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1197275/) that “allostasis also clarifies the inherent ambiguity in the term ‘homeostasis’ by distinguishing between the systems that are essential for life (homeostasis) and those that maintain these systems in balance (allostasis).” When these systems become overly stressed, this can result in allosteric overload. Most germane to this post, allosteric overload pertains to protracted physiological changes that occur following the activation of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis—the hormonal/neurological cascade that springs into action when we feel threatened—which is characterized by the release of stress hormones, the most well-known of which is cortisol (appropriately known as “the stress hormone”). If allosteric overload is chronic and the systems designed to maintain balance cannot correct themselves, this can lead to allosteric states like hypertension and a host of other inflammatory diseases. More importantly, these allosteric states often lead to symptoms like [sleep disturbances](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/balanced/202001/the-anatomy-insomnia), anxiety, and mood disorders. These are the kinds of conditions for which people around the world self-medicate. **Steps Forward** While the rise in substance use disorders during COVID will become more apparent as the pandemic eventually ebbs, the silver lining is that this is not a novel problem. We understand substance use disorders far better than we understand COVID-19, and we also know that one of the largest obstacles to treatment is the shame associated with admitting that one has a problem. Furthermore, we also possess lifesaving drugs (such as Naloxone) that can prevent those with opioid use disorder from dying of an overdose. Moving forward, we in the mental health community should encourage efforts to eliminate stigmas associated with addiction. More concretely, policymakers should be ready for the increase in opioid-related overdoses and ensure that first responders have access to drugs like Naloxone. Secondly, COVID-19 patients and family members should receive easier access to mental health care to improve resiliency and potentially reduce instances of substance abuse disorders that begin as PTSD-related self-medication.",3 "I almost never post anything on Reddit, but I am so proud of what I achieved! My class required we write a super long research paper and I started off strong but halfway through the paper I couldn’t stay focus and I got super burned out. But I stuck with it and got a 100% on my paper and finished with a 103 in the class! No replies necessary, I am just very proud of myself 😊. To anyone else who is going through finals week right now, I believe in you! I know it sounds cheesy but I believe that you can do it! <3",0 "Hi everybody! 5-second version: I have no facial expressions or tone of voice? Lol! Suggestions/tips/help please? Thank you! FULL: I am one of those autistic people to whom making facial expressions that correspond to my emotions + modulating my tone of voice (oh and timing! I somehow always pause in the wrong places or talk too fast or slow!) do not come easily. I'd love some input on how I can work on this and come across as more expressive. To be clear, I'm not trying to act NT (although honestly, I don't blame anybody on the spectrum who wants to just blend in). I like my quirky autistic personality and the way I notice little details and my laser-focus and my intense enthusiasm for random things. The voice/expression thing is something I want for my own sake. I totally respect that there's lots of autistic people who are fine with their expressions and tone of voice the way they are, and that's great - I would never tell anyone to change themselves. This is just for me personally. My voice in particular doesn't sound like \*me\*, if that makes sense. It's like what I want it to sound like isn't coming out. I hear the happiness or w/e in my head and then am surprised when it doesn't come across. I would like to be able to deliver compliments with the enthusiasm I feel, for example. I'm tired of trying to say ""That dress is SO CUTE!"" and having it come out ""uhthatdressisuhcute"" lol. It's so frustrating when your tone contradicts what you say and makes people read things you didn't intend into your statements. Or like, I'll use work-voice when I'm hanging out with friends or friends-voice when I'm at work. And then people think I'm being stuck-up/disrespectful/whatever. Ironically, I have been taking voice (mostly singing) lessons for \~10 years. It has definitely helped a lot in that I have control over my voice, speak more clearly and don't mumble, but I'm still not where I'd like to be. I do a lot of acting and I'm always getting the note that I need more emotion in my voice, which is maddening because that's exactly what I'm already trying super hard to do! \^\^ Does anyone have any tips for this? I would appreciate it soooo much! Thank you!",3 "I feel so frustrated right now. There does absolutely need to be conversations about sexual abuse and learning but every time I see something about it (mainly on my friends Instagram stories, events statistics or things like “believe victims”) it gives me flashbacks and I’m so tired of it. I’ve definitely come a long way, seeing/hearing people kiss has gotten easier to handle and is less triggering and I’ve been working on exposure therapy on myself by watching shows with casual sex involved a lot in the plot (no explicit scenes just being able to take conversations about casual sex and sexual jokes). Sorry I feel the way I’m explaining this is really confusing. I just want to get to a point where my traumas mood longer affect my life in any way but that might be an impossible goal. I’m a 19 year old guy in college and it’s so terrifying thinking about anyone being attracted to me even though I do desire to have a close connection with a girl one day. Everything is coming out really fragmented right now because I’m still kind of having flashbacks. I just don’t want to be uncomfortable in conversations about sexual assault because I don’t want anyone except people very close to me to know about what happened. I feel gross and I want love some day but it seems unattainable.",3 "I Have had a video game addiction or at least that's what I think and I feel like it is not good for my mental health as I have been depressed for a while now. I am currently writing exams and I feel like video games and my depression is getting in the way of that. I have been in this constant daily cycle of looking forward to playing video games because I feel like it will make me feel better and every day I enjoy it less and less and I feel like my brain has been conditioned to playing so much and it genuinely feels like an addiction. I constantly and endlessly scroll through steam trying to buy happiness through games and it obviously doesn't work. the only thing that makes me feel anything is music and I am scared that one day I will feel this way about music. I feel like video games will make me feel better and they never ever do what should I do? BTW: I play league of legends mostly (i know I know)",2 I can not bring myself to go and get vaccinated even though I know it is the safe and right thing to do. But all I can think about is all the things that could be in it and how it could contaminate my body and I could die right on the spot. I had corona and it was the worst week of my life because I just obsessed over my bodily functions to check that I wasn't dying and I think this may also be a reason I am not going. I am going to talk to my therapist about it but wanted to know if anyone else is struggling??,1 "I'm extremely stressed and alone. I gotta deal with untreated ADHD, depression, gender dysphoria, and who knows what else, having no access to treatment and a totally unsupportive, obnoxious, abusive family. My surroundings are quickly deteriorating and my future seems absolutely bleak, if it even exists. I'm stuck here for God knows how many years, with all the support I'm getting being occasional Discord chats with people I barely know who are thousands of miles away. No hugs, nobody to ask me ""how do you feel"", and no words of encouragement. All I think of is self-harming or suicide, and my only sources of escapism are videogames and sleeping, the last which I barely do.",2 "Or at least top five. I'm a realtor, which is somewhat unique in terms of daily operations. Everyone thinks that this job is hosting open houses and taking buyers on home tours, basically what you see on House Hunters and the like. In truth that is an important but relatively minor part of the job. The big part of the job, big as in both the largest portion of my time and the most important thing, is lead generation and lead nurturing. This means coming up with, and successfully executing, long term lead campaigns. Email marketing, phone and text message follow up, social media content, mailers. Networking. Structured campaigns that run for weeks to months at a time, where every name I'm in flow with is at a different point in the campaign. It's honestly a huge toll on my executive functioning and attention span. Couple the above with the fact that, as an independent contractor, I have no real oversight or boss. I have a broker who is nominally in charge of me, but I am literally free to do whatever I want, whenever I want, at any point in time. I answer to no one. The typical person is envious of that. You and I see it as a disaster waiting to happen. I really do love the job because when I'm truly firing on all cylinders, I'm *great* at it. It's empowering, exciting, and every success, big or small, is mine and mine alone. But shifting up into fifth gear to have a day like that is massively draining when it's even possible. And just like the successes, every failure (and there are so many) is also mine and mine alone. I'm not really looking for advice or help or answers. I just needed to shout into the void for a minute, and this void is kind and empathetic. Thanks for reading. I hope you have a great day.",0 "Some background: me and my mom went through 8 years of domestic violence with my ex step dad. I was in maybe second grade or so when they met. He was very abusive. Hitting, yelling, manipulation, the works. I got into a relationship with a man going on seven years ago. We broke up two years ago and I moved out. He was a medic. An outstanding member of our small town. His parents as well. They knew all the right people and had the right amount of money. The prime candidate for someone like me who cake from a single mom of two and addicted father. He played the part so well. Then he started to come clean about things. How he would sleep with prostitutes before he was with me. That was the biggest one. Nothing against the work, just his reasoning behind it. Fast forward a year and a half later, I find out he had been doing it the whole time we were together. From grinder to backpages to private videos. Then he started getting angry. He changed all the way around. Fast forward to August 19th 2020. We have been broken up for about two years. I'm in a new relationship with my best friend (his now ex best friend). He has refused to give me my things for about two years. So I got some balls because I still had a key to the camper and technically I still lived there in the eyes of the law. My government phone is there. Food stamps. Mail. I have a key. Ect. I knew he wouldn't be home because he would be at work, as a butcher. He was only a basic medic for three years. Not even a paramedic. He raised animals his whole life. His mother was the leader of 4-H (an agriculture based school program that teacher kids how to farm, raise animals, ect). He told me in April of this year that our dog ran away. Legally the dog was his. I bought him food and stuff still for the first few months we split to help out. Offered to find him a better home, everything I could. I turned on my camera as I got out of the car knowing that when I went in the camper it would be disgusting. He was a hoarder. Like his mother. The amount of trash in the camper was insane. Three times as much when I left. I had a major back surgery. I was unable to walk for almost six months. Without being able to clean, because he wouldn't, it just kept getting worse. I smoked to numb everything and was on 8 different meds. For my mental health. I got used to roaches crawling on me, sleeping with mice. My cat, who I still have, would kill them as a cat would. As I looked around the camper and panned my phone camera I made a three minute video. The kennel was directly to my left as I walked in. Trigger warning. I saw all the things I had bought for the dog and second cat just thrown inside onto more trash. He said the other cat was given away. I went to my right, where the AC unit was. It was freezing inside. But why? He had moved out of the camper over a year ago. I know the AC had turned off between then and now because of the power and how often the fuse would blow. The camper was plugged into his parents house where he moved back into. Those two things clicked and that's when I turned and looking into the kennel. Starved to death. My dog. AC set to 69 for the smell I guess. I think my cat is in there too. I was doing so good. I was doing so good and since that day a month ago I have been spiraling. I was able to be on only five meds. Now we are trying to find one temporary to help with the PTSD that's resetting in. I had a massive trigger at work today. I work at a decor store, and this young lady was buying rugs. And some other things. She was watching things as they rang up. I misunderstood her when she asked me to take something off, I was in the middle of trying to find the price for something else she wanted, I told her to give me just a minute so I could get the price for the item. She got flustered so I asked her to just have some patience, please. Then she snapped. I called a manger. She kept going. Once the manger got up there he started to calm her down. She said ""I have something called PTSD."" So I said back to her calmly that I did too and before I could say ""you're not alone"" she flipped and told me how dare I talk about .......I just turned and walked away. I didn't even want to hear it. I don't know anyone else who actually has PTSD that would treat someone else with PTSD the way she did. I told everyone I was getting off the register and I was NOT going back on over the walky and I went quickly to the break room and broke down in front of three main managers. They gave me Monday off and still let me pick up a shift Thursday. I'm pretty upset and beside myself. I'm trying really hard. This lady had so many demands as to what she wanted on the counter and not on the counter. It was crazy. She called me insane. Made a massive scene in front of so many people. I worked the rest of my shift on the register after a 20 minute break and everyone checking up on me. Honestly, I'm pissed at this young girl. There was so much I wanted to say to her but I just walked away. As she told everyone how insane I was. She ended up laughing with the manager and leaving. I almost wish she could have seen what actual PTSD looked like for a split second before she caused such a scene about having it. I have never come across a person who would make it such a point to let 50+ people know they have PTSD loudly because I needed her to have patience as I did my job correctly. Maybe I am fucking insane.",3 "Hello, I just wanted to ask you guys if you do that too. I love the night because I don't have to worry about anything when I'm in bed, so because of that I set up alarms for 2 am, 4 am, 6am, just to have the feeling of not having to wake up yet and living this life.",2 "Hi all. Hope this is ok to post here & I’ll keep it brief! My partner suffers from PTSD & other mental health issues & has for the most part been managing so well & I’m so proud of him. Recently he has been forced to relive some of his traumatic events through no fault of his own & is really struggling again. What can I do to help? I’m trying to do the bulk of the household chores etc & just keep things off his plate, reminding him to take his medications & generally trying to make life easier for him but is there anything more specific that might help? I have of course asked him this directly but he says there is nothing I can do. This may be true but even just things to make it easier on him? Thankyou in advance!",3 " Lately I've been working on a Minecraft texture pack for my Hypixel guild, and I'm sorta addicted to working on it. It's taking up the majority of my internal chattering. Just wanted to share. When it's complete I'll put a download link in the comments if you want it. That's it, but I need to reach the 300 character minimum so here's some words. It's a black and purple pack themed after the ender dragon (the guild is called Dragons Reborn). I spent all of yesterday either working on it or thinking about it, like what I wanted to do for certain textures, etc. I just feel really motivated to work on it. Plus I'm generally proud of how it is going, so that helps lol. The guild members also like the teasers I've given so that probably helps too. Yeah I just wanted to share this obsession, I'm having a lot of fun working on it.",0 "I’m a 25y/o male and I feel like I’m just waiting to garner enough courage to actually kill myself. I’ve been going to counseling for a few months now and use to go back in 2018. I use to have passions and things I enjoy but they feel like chores these days. Chores that have no end goal. I work at a restaurant job and absolutely hate it. I don’t know what I want to do as a career change. I lack a lot of self confidence and have no meaningful friendships. The worst part is the longer time goes on the less I want friends or any purpose at all and the more I want to end it. It scares me because it’s often not emotionally charged when I’m thinking this way, but rather a calmly thought through solution once I’ve spent hours trying to think through my life. The thought process is something akin to: Part of me doesn’t want to die but most of me doesn’t want to live. It use to be that I didn’t want to live the life I was living but upon further thinking and considering I don’t want any life at all. Then I start fantasying about suicide. I feel lost and like I’m running out of time. Has anyone else ever felt this way?",2 "just woke up in the middle of the night from that dream he was so real that i hit the wall with my leg while sleeping (protecting myself in the dream), it was so scary and real i am terrified 😰",3 "I'm one of those people who get really into a new planner for about two weeks, then get bored and overwhelmed and stop using it. I've been doing some mild research (aka procrastination) on different types of journalling and planners that work well for ADHD, and everyone seems to say bullet journals. Bullet journals, at least to me, seem like such a huge task just to make that I can't ever start working on it. Supposedly the whole point of why bullet journals work so well for ADHD is because they're flexible. You make it up as you go along. For me, I need something flexible enough that I can skip a day or two but also rigid enough that I don't have to put a lot of work into it. I need a habit tracker for sure! I've tried online apps like Habitica and Todoist, as well as some virtual bullet journals, but I usually end up buying the ""premium"" version impulsively then quitting. I also go through the same two week cycle. Anyway, this is more just a general discussion I suppose for what journals/planners work best for you!",0 "And it’s very annoying when people say, “Oh, people with PTSD are just weak. They just need to get over it.” When someone is traumatized, the amygdala is in overdrive mode. And this often results in some of the most common symptoms of PTSD you see such as hyper arousal. When the amygdala is in constant overdrive mode, this makes it harder for the prefrontal cortex to regulate emotions such as fear, etc. As for the hippocampus, when a trauma happens, this may cause the hippocampus to be unable to get rid of those memories and it may make them extremely vivid. In turn, this will often cause a fight-or-flight response in the sufferer. https://highlandspringsclinic.org/blog/can-emotional-trauma-cause-brain-damage/ Edited: So I just realized the tree argument isn’t really a good one so I just removed it. My sincere apologies.",3 "Hi! I (20F) was recently diagnosed and today I started meds for the first time, 30mg vyvanse. I took it around 9am this morning with a couple pieces of toast, expecting it to take around 1-2 hours to kick in, but by 11am I still felt nothing. I noticed my heart rate was high (\~100bpm) around 1:30pm, after that I got anxious and my arms/legs felt kinda weird and a bit heavy until I calmed down and made something to eat around 2. Right now it's nearly 4pm, and the only ""difference"" I've noticed was what I mentioned around 1:30-2 (and this could have just been because I psyched myself out thinking about why the vyvanse wasn't working), and that my heart rate has been at \~100bpm since I first noticed it. Am I doing something wrong? Since I took it this morning I pretty much just went about my usual day, sitting in bed on my laptop and waiting for it to ""kick in"" so I could bring myself to study. Should I have tried studying right after taking it to manually kick-start it or focus my attention or something? I got pretty discouraged when nothing had changed after 2 hours, maybe my negative mindset stopped me from realising any positive changes? My doctor told me to go the first week just on 30mg, and then to add in 2.5-5mg dexamfetamine in the morning/lunch/evening if the vyvanse wasn't doing enough. She's just gone on break and won't be back until mid-jan, so it's pretty much up to me to figure out my dosage until then. While I was waiting to get my prescription, I was reading up on all the other ""day 1 on vyvanse"" posts on here and getting excited about having my own miracle first day, but I didn't have anything like that and now idk what to do. I was thinking about increasing my dosage with the dexamfetamine tomorrow instead of waiting the week, but maybe the vyvanse just needs a few more days to work? I don't really know what to do, and I have an important test coming up that I really need to get myself to study for, so any advice would be greatly appreciated :)",0 "I guess this is just me saying in a fancy way that I have given up, right? I want death.",2 "I am about to end my first ever day on 10mg of adderall xr!!! Today might have been the greatest day of my life. I was able to finish step 1 of something and easily move to step 2 instead of getting distracted by step 47 of a different task. All of my anxiety and rejection sensitivity was completely gone. I felt confident and in control. I was finally able to clearly express my thoughts!!! I feel like I’m in the drivers seat going 55mph in a straight line on cruise control instead of at a go cart demolition derby with a monkey driving. Really excited to turn my life around!",0 "Someone I loved very much killed himself with a shotgun on st. Patrick's day 2019 and I am surrounded by pictures of him and his things in my house but at the same time I try to avoid thinking of him as much as possible. I can talk about him sometimes without letting myself feel it but it almost always comes out when I'm drunk (the crying and even hurting myself) I went to rehab because I kept getting drunk and trying to kill myself. I was in there for 4 months and now that I'm out I'm doing better at not harming myself but it doesnt hurt any less. I feel sick to my stomach when I think about him too much. The pain in my chest physically hurts so bad. I'm not that jumpy. I jump with things like fire works and sometimes when the phone rings. I was texting him when he didnt answer and I thought he got arrested or something but turns out he was gone. I called him 25 times in a row trying to make sure he was ok. I was the last person he talked to and I could have stopped it I know I could have. I got really obsessive and needed to know every detail after he died and his sister sent me the autopsy report so I know what he looked like. I think about him every single day and it hasn't gotten any easier and it's almost been a year. I get really freaked out when my friends domt text me back I immediately think they are dead. I was so so close to him but I think of course I shouldnt hurt more than say his mother but sometimes I cant even function when I get in my moods. I never fail to being him up when I drink. I'm sorry this is so long its helping the pain in my chest a little to get this all out. Thank you for reading. Aslo I cant sleep if hes on my mind if that's important.",3 "I have no power nor the will to write my problems. I'm just too scared, too lonely, my mind is shattered and everything I believe in turns out to be wrong. I hate myself so much and I just want to throw myself from a high tower nearby but it scares me a lot. I'm a coward and unloved. I wish I never been born, I wish I silently die while sleeping. I hate me.",2 "I recently applied to my *dream job* and actually made it to the final round of interviews. I work in software where the interview process can be pretty intense. Basically for the final interview at this company, I have to answer 5 or 6 coding questions on a whiteboard. I'm pretty shaky on some coding concepts since I've been out of college for awhile, so I've been making it a point to study like hell! Initially I thought this would be a problem for me since I have trouble focusing, but if anything it feels like I've kind of becoming hyper-focused on studying and hyper aware of it. To the point where it's becoming kind of unhealthy. One of my friends pointed out that they were a little concerned about me so I've been trying to schedule in time to do other things.. but god my brain is just kind of obsessing over this goal now. Kind of having a hard time turning it off",0 "For the longest time I’ve obsessively compared myself to others, in regards to life experiences, especially. I become extremely uncomfortable when I’m unable to compare my *exact* situations and circumstances to other people, I’m not sure of a good example, I’m behind on life goals (college, moving out, etc) and constantly Google “is it normal to move out (or go to college, or whatever) at (my age)” for example. I know that’s normal to an extent but I’ve made an obsession out of it. I’ve had breakdowns over it. I promise I’m not posting this to feed in to my obsession, I just want to know I’m not alone.",1 "TLDR; max adderall dose doesn't seem to be working and its stressing me out. Okay so I feel like im going to have a melt down. I am a senior in college, taking 23 credits of all upper level STEM classes while also taking spanish online from my community college back home because i am trying to graduate in december... I am prescribed 30mg Adderall XR and this is the highest dose my doc will prescribe me. It used to work GREAT. I would be focused all day and could sit for hours and knock out my homework. Now, it takes me 2 hours to even get started on my work and i have a window of about 4-6 hours to get work done before my brain turns into a walnut. Now as one could expect, my day is jampacked with things i need to be doing for school...like I have 3 research papers, 2 lab reports, and a huge data presentation project coming up in the next few weeks and I know i need to be working on them but I literally cannot bring myself to do it. Like today i spent 5 HOURS playing solitaire instead of doing my homework. I am definitely burnt out and probably going thru one of my depressive episodes...but my adderall dose just doesnt seem to be doing anything anymore besides making me feel more 'normal,' but not focused. Any suggestions would be super appreciated (:",0 "My ASD makes me incredibly sensitive around my abdomen. I needed an ultrasound a few years ago and the ultrasound tech said I’m the most ticklish person he’s ever met. I have suffered from irregular periods for over a year now. Switching birth control or going to a higher dose has changed nothing. Today my therapist recommended that I get a pelvic exam after I randomly started bleeding two weeks after my last cycle. I genuinely don’t think I could get the procedure done without having a panic attack and/or punching the doctor. I’ve looked up sedation for pelvic exams and it’s not done in my state. I can’t have laughing gas either because it gives me panic attacks. Do I have any options? I’m in a lot of pain due to the period but a pelvic exam is going to be such a traumatic experience for me🙁",3 My OCD comes in cycles. I've been symptom free for the last 7 days. But when it comes back it comes back strong. How's your OCD?,1 "I need help please. My stimulant medication does help me. Especially with focus and getting work done. I need it now more than ever because I am a teacher and it is exam season and marking is way to tedious and straining for me to do without it. Unfortunately my meds are affecting several things like stress, anxiety and appetite. I have lost so much weight that I feel like I look sickly. I know when I go off of my meds this holiday I will gain some of that weight back but what happens when work starts again next year and I am back on my meds? Going off of my meds to gain back weight is a short term solution for a lifetime problem. Any help? Any advice? Am I missing a creative solution or process or perspective?",0 "I've been experiencing severe psychomotor retardation in the last month. Apart from bouts of extreme heaviness in my head- which feel like my brain is shutting down - my brain often feels tender, as if it were bruised. I feel very vulnerable in these moments to any negative stressors. Accompanying all of this has been a slowing down of my thought processes and an inability to emote while speaking. It all started earlier this year at the end of a particularly stressful day. I remember telling my therapist at my next session that ""I feel like my brain broke."" Ironically, my mood has been decent the last month or so, despite all of this. Anyone else experience these symptoms? Found an effective pharmacological treatment? It's really weighing on me- literally.",2 Today I had a issue with Airbnb something that has been on going. After the altercation my day has just spiraled into self medicating with a few drinks and just projecting my anger and frustration on any and everybody. It’s 6 hrs later and I’m still mad as hell and can’t let it go. I’ve been doing a lot better dealing with my PTSD and haven’t had a day like this in at least a year. (Sigh) Tomorrow will be better I’m sure I just can’t believe I let a few troubles bother me like this after my progress!!!!,3 "I've been depressed for 8 years, and I've never really found help that made a difference but I always found a way to juggle it just enough that I was a pretty productive person in work and life. I recently decided to take some extended time off of work early next year (8 weeks) bc honestly I could tell I was reaching my breaking point. I feel like making that admission to myself has opened the floodgates on my depression. Now, I feel like my depression has evolved and I'm extremely apathetic about work and I just feel sloppy with how I'm doing my job. As someone who honestly does try to do their best in most things (somewhere in me is someone who is pretty optimistic), it's kinda shocking to see where I'm at now. But I also can't muster the energy to care to do better, it just makes me more sad and suicidal like damn bitch, you really are losing your ability to function in this world. Kinda just yelling into the void but does anyone else feel like their depression has evolved over the years?",2 "Hi! There’s a chance that I might start taking antidepressants soon, or whatever my doctor would prescribe me. So, these past few months, my OCD relapsed, HARD! And I changed themes almost five (5) times and up until now, I’m still on the Harm OCD theme. My intrusive thoughts are both thoughts AND images, though more on images. For some reason, I wanna move on so so so so bad, but I keep on reliving/fixating/obsessing over the intrusive images that still haunts me up until now. The images are wild, brutal, you can name it. There’s no specific triggers, just random things (which is even worse !) Do you guys think that if I stay on meds, I’ll spend less time ruminating about what happened and just get on with my life? Because the rumination/worrying part is like autopilot, it’s on the “FRONT” of my mind. Those painful memories/images… and whenever I think about it is only the moment my mind is bombarded with intrusive images, (people/animals getting hurt) like… I just need hope. It’s all I can think about! And it’s making me sad. Meds = less time obsessing over what happened = me finally moving on and being able to think of other things too?",1 "I have not done this in months nor do I ever want to again, but I used to search google for adult porn and sometimes on the image results there would be hentai/ computer generated images and they definitely appeared underage, this scared me at the time and I didn’t really think much of it. However this past week I got a thought about how bad it was in my head and began frantically searching about it and seeing if it was illegal. now I’m scared to death because I think it’s illegal and I can’t hardly sleep or eat because all I can think about is why the hell I saw those things. I mean none of it was real, but I’m still horrified. This is the worst thing I feel like that could ever happen, and I’d rather die than be a pedophile. I’m a gay man and I’m into guys my age. I’m going to see a therapist but I’m scared of feeling them, because what if they think I’m a danger to children and report me. I’m just so terrified, I don’t know what to do.",1 "I guess i am just a monster Everyone who care about me will end up hating me.",2 "idk whats wrong with me, my memory is so broken and i just don't feel me. its like the image i have of myself is ruined and its been like this for about 5-6 weeks now, it doesn't even feel like christmas. i wanna know whats wrong with me",2 "I honestly can't handle texting anymore. The constant ongoing conversations of multiple people that never seem to fully end. It's slowly driving me nuts, and I honestly have started blocking most people most of the time. Not out of spite, but because I can't handle what a text I don't see until I wake up will do to my day. So to spare myself, and stay somewhat function (notification muting isn't enough), I've resorted to blocking most people and unblocking them when I feel I have enough resources to start a conversation. But isn't there a way I can only block people from texting? I really don't mind phone calls as long as I'm not obligated to call people back at any specific time. I have a pretty ok time with seeing I missed a call from a friend a week ago, and then call him back as soon as I feel like talking. But the 'urgency' that seems built into text messages, I really don't have room for in my life anymore. Can I get a phone that I can turn texts off completely in? Or can I somehow get a cell phone number that you can only call? Must I really resort to getting a landline phone? I guess that's the next natural step for me?",0 "I am in California for 3months and they won’t allow me to refill my legitimate out of state prescription of adderall. So now I’m completely fucked. Can’t see a new psychiatrist without like a 2 year waiting list. I’m exaggerating but seriously I’ve been quoted 5 month waits! I could fly to Nevada or something but of course schedule 2 drugs allow a max 30 day supply. This sucks ass. I’m pretty much fucked unless I shell out like 450 in plane tickets out of state. Wtf",0 "Hi everyone! I’m in the process of trying to get an evaluation for myself as I suspect I have ADHD. Unfortunately my doctor and psychiarist refuse to do it yet since I’m struggling with depression and it needs to be treated first. Hurray. 😔 BUT, I’ve long suspected my dad has ADHD. We’ve even joked about it in the family but no one ever took it seriously as he has always managed at work and my parents have been happily married since forever so no big relationship issues. I’m in my 30s now and since I’ve noticed things about myself and ended researching symptoms, I’ve noticed a certain pattern that matches with my dad. As I exhibit more of the inattentive symptoms, my dad is very much hyperactive. His mood regulation can be shitty at times too, although he has calmed as he has gotten older (now in his early 60s). My question is if I should approach my dad about my suspicions? I haven’t talked with my parents about my own situation (they only know about the depression but I haven’t mentioned ADHD at all) so I don’t know if it’s weird? Does it even make sense for a retired, ”high-functioning” guy to go through all the hassle? I’m mostly concerned that his inablity to sit still will someday take away his ability to walk as his knees are completely f’d up and he should rest them more. But he is always on the move (multiple sports, doing hard physical work like building and fixing our cottage etc) and seems simply unable to truly follow his doctor’s orders. Would appreciate to hear especially from older people here, if a diagnosis late in life made a big difference and if you think I should encourage him to get it checked. If he truly has ADHD it would probably tell a lot about me too...?",0 "What do you do when none of earlier tricks seem to work? I mean, I know plenty of ways to increase serotonin nowadays, but occasionally I hit some spot, where none of that I know seem to help. I.e. when it's not fixed by: * taking a break * drinking or eating * doing some small physical exercise, like deep breathing Assuming that one sleeps well, eats otherwise well, ... I sometimes think that something has fundamentally malfunctioned in my head, when ""normal range"" things simply don't cut it. Like that ""normal range things"" simply don't produce the effect they should anymore.",1 "a few years ago, i had a therapist who diagnosed me with ptsd (a psychiatrist also did so but they weren’t the best psychiatrist). i felt the symptoms heavily at the time because the trauma was very recent. now several years have past, and i still feel remnants of the symptoms i used to have, but they’re barely there now. is it possible for ptsd to go away over time? or do i still have it?",3 "So had my very first Psychiatry appointment several weeks back. It went well enough. A little history before I get into the appointment itself, though. Recently came to the conclusion that a lot of my anxiety/depression might’ve been caused by my untreated ADHD. Specifically, inattentive ADHD. After a lot of hesitation, and mounds and mounds of anxiety, I finally scheduled my first appointment last month. As I mentioned, it went okay enough. There were a couple red flags that immediately popped up, though. He made it a point to explain to me that adults don’t generally get diagnosed with ADHD. Okay fine? But then continued on to inform me that ADHD is something that most adults “grow out of”. Okay thanks? I listened as best as I could, and tried not to take what he said personally, even though I quickly started feeling bad about it. After finally getting through my history, he mentions my options. It’s clear he wants to start me on Wellbutrin, but ultimately gives me the choice between that and stimulants(not before mentioning it’s essentially legal meth). His bias against stimulants is overwhelmingly clear at the point, but despite his attempts to convince me to try Wellbutrin, he gives me a 2-week prescription for Adderall. Fast forward to my follow-up appointment this last Friday. The Adderall has been a god-send for me. I wouldn’t say it’s cured my ADHD by any means, but the clarity it’s given me has been unbelievable. It’s difficult to explain. For the first time in, well I don’t even know when, I could think clearly and actually initiate things that would otherwise take me weeks, if not months to start. It even managed to improve my overall disposition. I was so excited to share my news with him. Now before I get to our conversation, I did make a mistake and hadn’t gotten my urine test and lab work done yet. That was totally my fault. I started back at work for the first time in 3 weeks(I was home sick with covid), and just haven’t had time to fast yet. I fully planned to get it done this next week, though. So I get to my appointment and before I can explain anything he asks if I got the lab work done. I tell them I haven’t had the chance yet, and he explains to me he can’t refill it until he gets that. Totally fine, that was my fuck-up after all, but then proceeds to push Wellbutrin on me once again. Tells me he’s happy the Adderall is helping, but says it should be a plan B if the Wellbutrin doesn’t work out. I’m just sort of shocked at this point. I just mentioned to him how wonderful I’ve been feeling with it, and now he wants to take me off of it to test some other prescription that may not even work. I don’t even understand how this happened. Why wouldn’t we just continue with the medication that’s been working for me? Why make it a plan B. I think their issues with stimulants is overriding everything else. I’m sorry for the huge wall of text. I’m just really discouraged. It’s taken me so long to even muster up the courage to start this process, I find something that’s working for me, and then it’s just pulled away from me. I don’t want to try the Wellbutrin. Not sure if I should continue with this Psychiatrist, or pursue a different one. The whole process is just so exhausting. Thanks for listening to my long rant. :(",0 "Hello, I'm 19 years old and have had this for months, it only started with little things, but now it's EVERYDAY. I have to repeat certain actions over and over again until a certain number has been reached for example 3 or 6 times but never 4 and that with so many things like going through the door, picking up something, drinking, washing hands, while eating, saying something, turning on the light and with many other things. If i dont do it i get these thoughts that something bad could happen and sometimes i wanna do something and all of a sudden my brain tells me not to do it or something will happen. It is slowly driving me crazy. I know that my mum has OCD, and some ohter mental health issues. I realize the best solution to this problem is to go see a specialist. However, I am hesitant to go as I’m nervous i barley leave my house since years beacause im scared and talking to people is the worest also im scared i would look stupid for going to see someone and it turns out I do not have OCD. Any information at all would mean alot thank u!",1 "Last night I told my boyfriend that my therapist recommended I seek medical treatment to manage symptoms of what she thinks may be a depressive episode. He asked why? To which I replied it has to do with X, Y, Z and perhaps also the fact that I think about ending my life every single day. But I reassured him that I would never kill myself because I am afraif of pain, I simply want my suffering to end, that's all. His response was ""I don't feel comfortable with this. If something happens to you, I would be the first suspect. I am responsible for you. What if you kill yourself and the police will come knocking on my door, as I am the only person you call?"" I told him before we entered a relationship that I had been struggling with depression and have been on and off antidepressants for years. Also that I have PCOS which affects this as well. Back then he didn't comment on it. Later I told him about having suicidal thoughts in the past, to which back then he replied you can rely on me if that ever happens again, I would be here for you. But last night proved it wrong. Not only did he offer zero compassion, he started doubting my condition, offering advice like you should exercise more, and later on he even said that those that take their lives are just taking the easy way out. I was and still am speechless. Since I told him what I am currently going through, he became distant and silent, and when I tried to talk, he would say he needs to figure things out within himself, he feels like a piece of shit for what he told me last night, and when I did ask him how could you even make all this about you? He said I created a drama to test him, which is again just him thinking everything is about him and dismissing my feelings completely. By the way, I told him I am not his responsibility, my depression has nothing to do with him, and that I would not need his help in any way, other than just being a good friend and offering me a hug and saying I am sorry you're going through this. I lost my shit when he said I ""created a drama to test him"", and told him his ego is bigger than him. I packed my things and left. He hasn't said a word. Maybe I should not have shared it with him I am struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts? Though in the past he said he wants to be the first person I come to with any problems, he wants me to trust him, he loves me, etc... I understand it can be too much for some people, some people, like him, absolutely don't understand what it is like. I don't know. We have been dating for 2 months only",2 "It is very clear that autistics have a very hard time at school with fitting in socially. Did anyone here go to a dedicated autistic school and if so, did this save you from the depression or personality disorders that so many of us develop? Or did you end up just as screwed up as the rest of us, despite attending an autistic school?",3 "I've also read ADHD develops the forebrain slower, and rule of thumb they tend to mentally be \~2/3 their age in that department. While I've read that ASD is related to neural pruning, I'm wondering how specifically. Is it like ADHD where it's just slower, or is it something that just stops too early? Anybody more read on this than I am?",3 "TLDR: I'm 29, quit my job in January, been jobless since, having difficulty landing a job and I think I've lost all hope. I had thought 2021 was going to be a year I'd turn my life around. I was burnt out at the bullshit I was doing at my previous job, a global PR firm for 2 years, joined straight out of college. I was given the impression that there were opportunities for career growth so I didn't mind the low pay, but after 2 years and having seen the mess the company is in, it's clear it's not leading anywhere. Not only that but the work was honestly pure bullshit, I don't think I learnt anything of use there. I blame myself a lot for things leading up to this. Whether I should have seen the signs sooner, been more proactive and cruised less. But the truth is I'm terrible at getting jobs. I had gotten that job because I the hiring manager was from a previous internship. I think I leave good impressions because I'm earnest, but it does make me doubt myself a lot. Anyway, I thought this would be a period of growth... doing online courses, branching into a different industry etc. But the never ending rejection is just crushing. I reached out to old contacts for opportunities, and some interviews showed promise but offers ultimately fell through. In late July I was given a verbal offer (email) for a government job, but it's taking forever for 'approval'. I'm still waiting til today. I've lost all confidence in myself, and I'm deathly afraid of facing anymore rejection. I've stopped applying. I feel like I've lost my grip on reality, I don't know anything anymore. What am I going to do with my shitty degree in Political Science? People in my country and judgmental and it's like I've lost half the battle with my profile and resume. After each interview I feel like I have no skills, and my anxiety is just makes me doubt everything. Worse still is the sense of shame that compounds this fear, together they give me a crippling sense of dread at even the prospect of thinking about the future. I can't go back to live with my parents (another whole issue), but I keep going back to the thought that I'm just gonna run out of money for rent and then kill myself. Recently I thought about seeing a therapist but it's really expensive in my country, and I don't trust most of my countrymen to understand anyway (hubris I know). It's a character flaw I have, I don't know how to ask for help. I've stopped talking to friends out of shame and pride. Anyway, thank you if you've read all that, I haven't written my thoughts out in a while. I'm at rock bottom out here on borrowed time, but I have periods of lucidity and hope, even though it just feels like I'm temporarily blind to my impending doom. Edit: I just worked up the courage to email the HR person I was in contact with for my job offer. Got an automatic reply they are no longer at that organisation. Fuck my life what is this shit.",2 "I have been on my medication for just over a month now (still waiting for a therapist). Some days are better than others but overall it has been okay. Anyways, today I went to the fridge to get some sparkling water. I wanted ice in it so I grabbed the ice cube tray, I used the last 4 ice cubes in and then I FILLED IT BACK UP! It did not even cross my mind to just lay it on the counter or ""do it later"". There are the small moments when I know that my meds are working. I know it might sound small to some but this is a huge win for me!",0 "So I’ve never openly talked about this, not even to my fiancé in full depth. But I just need to understand if what I’m feeling is unresolved PTSD or what.... 2 years ago I was in a long term toxic relationship. This man was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive. I stayed because I loved him and I was also scared. We were in the same career field (fire/ems) and I didn’t want him to take my reputation from me too. I finally left him and he tarnished my name and I let him because it was better than being with him. Most people believed my story, even his own friends had seen the pictures and videos I had. His family called me a liar. I never shared the proof and screenshots I had because I was afraid of what he would do to me because he would lose his job. This is where it gets tricky....about 8 months after the breakup he was still trying to insert himself in my life. Ex:buying a motorcycle to get my attention, flaunting a girl “better than I ever was”, trying to get the new man I was going to dinner with in trouble with his own job etc. well I was at a bar having a drink when the bartender mentioned him and I had joked about him “to stop stalking me and just wreck that bike and fuck off” not even 25 minutes later I got a call that he had wrecked his bike and died. That’s when everything flipped. I drunkenly went to the hospital to see if that’s the closure I needed. To see him dead there. But it only made me feel shittier. Now I can never prove myself, I can’t speak badly about a dead man. Everyone blamed me, they told people that I was the reason he was so upset in the end. Everyone who was once on my side, no longer was. I have nightmares and flashbacks any time I hear his name. I feel guilty and unfinished. I guess my question is: is this valid? Does it get better? How can I find my peace and closure. I have all of the proof and some nights I can’t keep myself from looking at it again just to remind myself that it wasn’t a dream.",3 "I once read a post on here that said they were obsessed and people commented that obsession can be part of ptsd because it is intrusive thoughts. So how do I stop this obsession? I am obsessed, like insanely obsessed, with someone who did something bad to me ). And I'm obsessed with what he did to me. I can't focus on my life. My mind feels like it goes in circles. I'm not working towards any goals at all. Just thinking and talking about him.",3 Like I keep getting these stupid thoughts all the time like “life is meaningless and why enjoy anything if you are going to die anyway and none of this would have mattered” I don’t know how to do exposures for this and I keep trying to ignore it but it keeps coming up and ruining my good time 😔,1 "So for context. I served a deployment in Afghanistan, and I immediately went to my local mental health clinic when I noticed everything was different, and I was miserable and borderline suicidal. My therapist pretty much flat out told me the diagnosis, and gave me a talk about the different therapy options regarding PTSD. I am scared, and extremely sad. I don't know where to begin with this, and I don't know where go from here. What can I expect moving forward, and does this ever get better?",3 " I have PTSD and I just got the jjvaccine a month ago and my husband got it about 3 weeks ago. When I heard from a co-worker about the pause of the vaccine in the news yesterday, I completely freaked out and I had some flashbacks. My co-worker was a bit alarmist about it, and I know that didn't help matters. I got so worked up and started to dissociate, I left work for a bit and went for a walk outside just to calm down and I took a mental health day off from work today just to process, lay in bed, and do self-care. I talked to people I trust and I felt a bit better. I know that the numbers show that it's not a big risk, but I was not able to think rationally at the time and I felt terrified. I read some things that were more logic based and they helped me to focus on what I can control. Not sure if other people are struggling like this, just wanted to put my experience out there. Something I will do as well, just for my own sanity, is to just eat some blood thinning foods for a while. It's probably a good health practice anyway. Here are some that I found online, hope it is helpful: [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/322384](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/322384)",3 "Anyone here have any experience switching to Kaiser Permanente (Mid-Atlantic) AFTER already being diagnosed? I was diagnosed by a neurologist as a child, stopped treatment in my 20s, then resumed treatment a few years ago. I'd love to be able to be on a plan where my ADHD appointments and meds are both actually covered, but I'm wary of needing to go through a whole rigamarole to get re-diagnosed. I don't want to have to stop treatment for several weeks or months to get a ""baseline"" assessment, meanwhile my work and family commitments would all be suffering. If you bring in an existing diagnosis and an existing treatment plan, would Kaiser continue it? Or do they want to start from scratch on this?",0 "I have been through 11 out of 14 therapy sessions of ERP. In some aspects I really do feel better but in the end it feels like barely anything has changed. And obviously, the fault here is me. I can't bring myself to do the homework. Whether it is that I'm either feeling too down to do it, too busy with school, or just don't want to do it. It's like I'm prioritizing everything, even things I hate doing over ERP homework. I can't even bring myself to sit down for five minutes to practice. My therapist has been helping me and pushing me to practice but in the end, nothing changes. I'm wondering if I should just end the sessions as it's just wasted time for both me and her.",1 "I’m currently undiagnosed for ADHD but have been wanting to get an assessment for so long because my mental health issues are seriously hindering my ability to function on a daily basis. The reason why I suspect ADHD is because I’ve spent a lot of time procrastinating on tasks i need to do by reading up on ADHD related journals, posts, videos etc and I always find way too many parallels between my experiences and the the experiences of people with ADHD. t feels very confusing being stuck in this limbo of being undiagnosed because if I can’t name my problem or get confirmation, then how can I fix it? My pet peeve when it comes to seeking advice about mental health issues and ADHD is when you’re just told to go see a doctor or mental health professional and get treated with medication. I’ve always considered it “non-advice” advice because I think a lot of people are aware that seeing a professional will make things better for them, but let’s be realistic, treatment and medication are unaffordable for a lot of people, including myself. So unless the person giving the “advice” is willing to shell out the cash to pay for the treatment, it’s quite unhelpful in my opinion and it’s frustrating to hear and makes you feel hopeless. I have had experience talking to both a psychiatrist and therapist in the past, not about ADHD though but the psychiatrist diagnosed me with depression and anxiety. The problem is I didn’t last 4 sessions before I had to stop seeing them because of the cost of medication and the sessions. The same thing happened with the therapist a couple years later. I feel very stuck and everyday I think i’m just getting worse. I try to read up on methods to manage my mental health issues without medication and a professional to guide me but they don’t seem to be very effective and i feel it’s much harder to get myself to get the right outlook without medication.",0 "Call me weird or dumb, but I simply cannot listen to music or anything while out in public. Even if I have earphones on I still can’t do it. There are two reasons for this: 1) I’m afraid that if I listen to music I will lose a lot of social ques from the environment around. 2) Since I live mostly in my brain and not much in my body I am afraid that my anxiety will go through the roof and I will have an even greater panic attack.",3 "What if I told you that I was content? I'm fine being a janitor, coming home, and not having any plans. The only thing that gets in my way is this pressure to go to college and do something with my life. It's almost depressing.",3 "I have never felt that verbal communication was important. I started to talk ""decently"" when I was 11-12 years old, I didn't like to talk with the kids around me and neither my family, I just felt that it was unnecessary, even I still feel it nowadays. But when I really have the need of talk my words are weird, I can't vocalize correctly, and most of the time people do not understand what I say. I have been feeling bad since I realize that I'm not more a kid, I am a young adult, I'm not stupid, I have many skills, I passed the exam university and I'm study physics, nevertheless I can't do something as basic and normal as talk. Sorry for my poor English (is my third language) but I need say this",3 I'm stuck on details. I can't see things that other people take for granted. It is hard to live feeling like a complete moron.,3 "I'm recently diagnosed at 28, and I'm about 1 month into my meds. One of my symptoms is that I get overwhelmed very easily and feel the need to shutdown. My head hurts and I can get very irritible, or angry, at anything. I'm still working on finding a correct dose from my doctor, but I did feel like I did better for the first week or so. I'm really bad at self-assessment, but I don't think I'm getting like this as much now compared to pre-meds, but it is still frequent. I suppose I am looking for any thoughts on this, I'm curious how common these symptoms are, or if they might not be an ADHD thing at all. And if anyone else is like this, does anything help? It is difficult having my wife walk on eggshells around me, and I need to do better for my kids.",0 "Hi I’m 22m and just started recently with adhd medication. 10mg methylphenidate in the morning. I noticed that I have now really big problems with sleeping, I’m lying awake until 2 or 3. I never had problems with that so it’s most likely from the meds. Did you had similar experience? And how long does this last?",0 "Is it common to not trust people ? Trying to make friends is a little difficult to trust people for me. Sometimes even wondering why they even want to be friends. Are trying to be friends because they need something ?",3 "I am what I think you'd call ""high functioning"" even for asperger's. or rather, I have become high functioning through a lot of practice, help, and facing fears. so I can handle most social situations, even those that NT people would find uncomfortable, like confrontations and interviews. but more common things like smalltalk and casual friendships are still very difficult. I have few friends and have a hard time having fun. Actually outside of family, I would say I have zero friends, and this is a constant source of pain and frustration for me. I think a lot of my pain over the past few years is trying to think of myself as mostly-NT, because in many situations I can mimic the NT response, sometimes even better than NTs. So I judge myself by NT standards, which means I end up in shame and frustration when I can't have friendships or other more basic social interactions. So on the one hand, I want to accept my ND self and be OK with that, but I also don't want to sell myself short, because I think I can learn to be friendly on a casual level with the same kind of practice and facing fears that taught me social skills in other situations. But walking that road feels more like a tightrope. I either keep falling into self-shaming or hopeless/loneliness. I think it needs to start with full acceptance of my ND self, but I guess that's where I need help. Anyone been down this road before?",3 "Hi, my psychiatrist prescribed me trazodone for my Anxiety And trauma flashbacks. So far Its day four, And i take1/3 for three days before increasing. On the first day it made me feel really good And i slept nice, but for 12 Hours And had pretty bad nightmares all night. Day later when i took it, i started to experience pretty bad pressure in my head when i stand up or leaned forward, it was getting worse And then It Hurt even when i was lying Down,but still i managed to sleep, And slept for 11 Hours. I really tried both days to get up sooner, but as soon as the Alarm ringed And i Closed it, i fell asleep again And i dont even know how. It was also hard to keep my eyes open as they were terribly dry. I also take medical marijuana for chronic pain And fibromyalgia at night + tramadol in the morning And afternoon. Will this go Away ? I still have pressure in my head, especially when i get up but even if i sit(altho i had weird BP even before,from fibromyalgia) but today i decided to measure it, And when i Stand up i have 141/88 And heart rate 118, And when i sit u have 127/73 And heart rate 73.. I wouldnt like to change these antidepressants, as i dont have the weird depersonalized confused feeling on them as i have on different antidepressants + psychiatric Said they shouldnt decrease my libido, And it could even help it. I dont even have depression anymore, but the Anxiety i get every day from the trauma Is bad, And i can't take benzodiazepines anymore too, because of the tramadol. I tried hydroxizin but It didnt help at all. . Thank you very much for reading And a reply 😊🌻☀️",3 So I’m 17 and I’m obsessing if I’m attracted to 12-13 year old girls to the point I had a mental breakdown last night so hard I almost started shaking as I was crying. Which is honestly dumb because 13 to 17 isn’t the worst age gap. It’s a little weird of course. But to save myself some worrying should I tell myself “let’s just wait till I’m 18 and we will go from there?” Because it’s honestly pointless to worry about this at my age,1 " I (21M) my (20F) ex broke up with me one month ago our relationship was a toxic relationship but we truly loved each other it was a nice relationship we were together for 2 years until one month ago she broke up because everytime she would go do something that i hate and i would get mad & angry about it she broke up because of that not mentioning she cheated on me 5 times i forgave her idk how i did it but i did so November every single day i messaged her and would talk about how sorry i was and im not like that anymore but she refused me and i would cry cry cry it hurt a lot, i told her that i would kill my self infront of her she didn’t even have a reaction she said “who cares shut up” then i would face time her everyday cutting my hand and she said “idc fuck your self up who the fuck are you” i would cry cry cry infront of her when she would hurt me she didn’t give a fuck so from the 27 of November i didn’t text her and wanted myself to understand that she hates me because she has problems that even if i committed suicide she wouldn’t stop me. So yesterday night a picture of her was still on my phone so i texted her hoping that she wants to get back to together so she rudely talked to me and i FaceTimed and cut so hard she said fuck off and blocked me my hand bleeded a lot i really cant get over her whats her problem why is she like this please dont tell me to see a therapist i came her for a reason not for that.",2 "TW: Rape ​ ​ ​ Back in high school, my boyfriend lived at my house for about 2.5-3 years, including 6 months while he was finishing high school and I was in college. He came from an abusive home and my parents are saints and would take in people who needed help. I was strongly against sexual contact. I wasn't interested and didn't feel ready. One night, I woke up to him doing things to me. I freaked out. He started crying and apologizing. I internalized it and felt like it was my fault. It screwed me up. But I bottled it up and didn't realize he did anything wrong. I felt like it was my fault because I wasn't letting a teenage boy act on hormones or some bs like that. I finally realized in college that I was raped. I didn't fully realize how it was impacting me until I went to the OBGYN the first time and I was triggered immensely. I'm now extremely reactive to doctors. The last time I went in to get my birth control prescription renewed the physician offered to sedate me when I needed to come in again, and told me I risked a stroke with how much I spiked my blood pressure when in the office. I still thought at that point that I just had anxiety. During this I also had a natural disaster happen at home and thought for a morning my family had died. Between this and the rape, I would have vivid nightly nightmares of either them dying, or me being raped. Different things built onto those and I wasn't facing them. Finally, I had a really bad trigger response and hid for hours under my bed from my male landlord fixing my sink. I was struggling for the first time in school. I went to a psychologist and for the very first time, was more honest about what I was handling (previous therapy, I had been really cagey. I struggle with being honest in therapy). For the first time, I was told I had PTSD. The diagnosis helped. It made so much make so much more sense. ​ But I haven't told my parents. I'm home right now because of COVID, and I did tell them I went to therapy (they were supportive) and also that he had done something bad to me and that I needed to remodel my room. But I was afraid to tell them too much, because I don't want to hurt them. I don't want them to feel bad that I was raped under their roof, or that they kept housing my rapist after I left for college, and after we broke up (when he proceeded to threaten my friends and threaten me with suicide-- none of which I told my family because I was afraid they would be at risk). I haven't told them I was diagnosed either. They know I'm anxious about showers. My mother knows now just how bad I am with doctors since she saw me at that birth control appointment because I couldn't go in alone. What brought this up was there's this mug. It's my mom's favorite mug. My rapist bought it for her as a gift. I hate it. I want to get rid of it. I wanted to throw it out or ""accidently"" break it. But I felt like that wasn't fair to her, so tonight I asked her to get rid of it. She asked if it was because of ""memories"" and I said yes, but that she didn't have to because I knew she liked it because it had a dark interior so it was good for coffee stains. She said it wasn't just from that but because she also had memories. I grilled her on what good memories she could possibly have and she was clearly uncomfortable and said it's because he lived here for years. She also thought kept saying she would get rid of it. I feel guilty. I feel like I also should be more honest with her. I feel like she would be a lot less keen if she knew the truth. But I'm afraid to be honest. Any suggestions? Am I over-reacting? I just don't really know how to feel. I also do partially want to tell her so she could help me find a good therapist and psychiatrist. Because of COVID, my psychiatrist appointment ended up cancelled and my shift from the school's psychologist (propranolol) to a private one specializing in trauma and CBT was disrupted and I need to look locally on my private insurance. I've been struggling to find one that fits my needs and fits the profile I would need to potentially be honest with and thus actually maybe get some help. I have a lot of trouble handling medical things on my own because they in themselves cause anxiety (the other thing I was supposed to get more info on was a medical social worker to navigate these things for me, but that also didn't happen because of the swap I got with COVID right in the middle). ​ Sorry this was so long. I just feel ... lost sometimes.",3 "The fact that I can’t change what happened during my trauma is the most painful and comforting part of healing for me. It really depends on what narrative my mind takes me down when I am experiencing a flashback. The comfort for me comes from knowing I literally can NOT change the past and can only move forward. I am able to maintain a certain level of being in the present. If I get pulled into a negative spiral, it is literally the most gut wrenching feeling. I don’t want to trigger anyone with details. I’m not sure if any of this makes sense or sounds familiar to anyone. It’s just a thought I have been stuck on lately. Have a good day everyone, stay safe.",3 Some contacts for this this is me still taking about Donnie and Candy. Late on the series I'm planning doing a 2 years time skip currently in the series Donnie and Candy are supposed to be in they preteen years. He have a crush on this candy who is from different universe. Who name is Candy who is autistic. The main why Donnie develop a crush on her in the first place is because he like her upbeat personality. But question I'm asking do you think is would be realistic for teenagers Donnie would be mature enough to cope with Candy needs and issues. And date,3 "I'm almost 28 and still live in my childhood bedroom. The other day I had what felt like this little moment of clarity where I looked around my room and thought ""This looks like a damn kid's room."" On top of that, my sister-in-law got a good look around in there when I hadn't cleaned and I was super embarrassed. So now I feel like I need to seriously look at my life and make changes, but my depression and anxiety have me feeling trapped in my own home like some recluse. I don't feel like I have any meaningful relationships with anyone besides my dad, who actually supports me as best he can. I don't really feel like I can have a serious talk with my parents about it without either worrying them, or them just telling me to tough it out. I think maybe if I just had more support or even just more motivation I'd be doing a lot better, but it's like asking for water in the desert around here. The words choke in my throat, and if they manage to get out they're fairly pointless anyway. They look at me and say ""Well can't you just do it yourself?"" Or ""You know there are other people who have it way worse."" I feel like total crap unless I'm achieving or producing something, and even then I still feel like crap because it's never good enough. My whole life feels like an amalgamation of abandoned, half-attempted, and outright failed endeavors. Sometimes I just wanna trash everything, go to sleep, and hope I don't wake up.",2 "I'm just recently starting to jump back on board of researching adhd after I was given a negative diagnosis some time ago. After some thinking and talking with my therapist, I'm becoming convinced again that I have it. Though I wouldn't say I ever really believed I don't have it, I just gave up pursuing a diagnosis. So I've been watching a lot of Dr. Barkley's videos and lectures again as I consider my symptoms and impairments. As I learn more though, I often question whether I actually have ADHD any time he says something about the disorder that I don't really struggle with. This is in spite of the many more things he describes that I relate to and cause significant problems in my life. I don't really know what the point of posting this is, but I was curious if other people get the same way",0 "I know that plenty of people are depressed without having a trigger event/situation related to it. I know that depression is a thing that can happen to anyone regardless of how their life looks— whether theyre rich and successful and loved or not. But holy shit. When i think about my own depression (I have dysthymia, and have been constantly depressed to diff extents since I was about 11) I can't think of anything BUT the reasons. A history of experiencing physical and emotional abuse, transphobia, homophobia, ableism, the burden of being an immigrant with limited access to certain resources that non-immigrants take for granted, the uncertainty of whether I can afford to exi$t in the near future. It's just too much. I feel like every single reason stacks up and shows me the exact ways in which this world is built to push me out. I'm hoping maybe some of you relate a bit, and can share ways in which you've dealt with these feelings/things that help you when they pop up? (not sure if this post is the kinda thing that this subreddit is for, sorry if not!)",2 I don’t wanna be here anymore they took my child… because I can’t get my life together I’ve lost my job phone is off I’m homeless. If I call 911 they will put me in a hospital that will only make my depression worse. I can’t eat I can’t sleep. No one cares about me they think it’s all for attention… im all alone,2 "I got diagnosed with very severe inattentive ADHD a couple months ago (my parents still don’t believe it pft). I have found that I tend to fluctuate between talking to a lot of people, always planning hangouts, etc, and completely closing off all of my friends and feeling emotionally detached and disconnected from everyone I meet, to the point where people almost feel like a different species. I’m pretty extroverted, just in the fact that I get lonely very easily and it’s really important to me to have a lot of friends and see people at least every second day. But right now I’m going through a bit of a depressive, detached stage; I’m just wondering if any people with ADHD relate to this.",0 "for about six months ive been hearing loud bang sounds and loud yelling sounds every time i try to sleep. i finally realized that i'm the only one hearing it, and upon looking it up- auditory hallucinations are really common with ptsd. i don't have trauma from anything loud or banging AFAIK so i wonder if anyone else has this?",3 "I hate having OCD sometimes, my intrusive thoughts bother and overwhelm me so much that I just want to implode and cry. Hopefully I can try to escape this cycle soon lol.",1 "Some time ago, I realized I tend to slightly move the muscles in my mouth/lips/tongue (I guess similar to twitching, as opposed to fully moving my mouth) whenever I listen to people talking/singing or even to my own internal monologue. This Is more prevalent when it’s my internal monologue or I’m hearing predictable speech/singing. Specifically, I tend to feel it moving as if I was about to make the sounds myself. Is this a normal thing? Is this echolalia (even though I’m not actually speaking the words)? Is this something else that someone here can Identify?",3 "So I’ve heard guanfacine/intuniv is a good addon to stimulants… I take the max dose of adderall and stuff struggle with blinding fatigue and breakthrough ADHD symptoms. Has anyone tried AAs? My pdoc prescribed me tizanidine instead for yet unknown reasons; I’d anyone knows any major differences b/n guanfacine and tizanidine that’s be nice to know, but any experiences with alpha 2 agonists + stimulants would be useful to hear. I’ve taken it for about a week and I’m still trying to figure out what’s going on; I was hoping if nothing else it would help my sleep; I don’t have insomnia really but I have no restorative sleep for sure. So far I seem to have way more energy, at least in the morning?? I’m almost wondering if I should try 20 mg adderall instead of 30, because I get kinda hyper… It’s almost like it’s changing my affect; from a negative, low arousal state to a positive, high arousal state, maybe even a bit too high? My god only I could take a damn stimulant and get fatigue and take a muscle relaxer and get energy….",0 Does anyone else feel like they have to constantly either dial back their feelings because they don’t want to scare someone off with how intense they can be? Also it feels like the times I’m with my partner are great like everything is amazing and I’m so happy but when they aren’t around my mind just goes to the worst possible scenario and fixates on it for no reason at all. Like it can feel so exhausting and draining trying to constantly convince myself that my brain is lying to me does anyone have any advice or tips or even just felt this same feeling before?,0 Im not really sure what the point of living really is and really often overthink and if it’s worth it,2 "Since I was sexually assaulted in January, my work ethic has not been the same since I realized that I was raped. I always want to leave early, not too early but I sometimes just ask if I get to a breaking point where my brain is either too idle from a slow work environment or I get an assault on the senses from too much going on. If I’m idle, I can get negative thoughts and feel either useless at a job, or like I could be making more money in a more exciting way at another job. Today, I started work at a bar and restaurant and I already don’t know if I can handle it. The loud noises from the waitresses and the overall negative environment of people bitching over tables and sit like that gives me anxiety. I feel weak in that environment, like all that’s going on there is too much for me to function normally. I never used to get frightened by loud noises, and I know people there are going to have run ins with me because of some of their personalities and I’m still learning. Is serving tables even a good job for somebody with ptsd?",3 "I first developed HOCD when I remembered a sexual experience I had when I was younger. Before that I had never once questioned my sexuality. I had dealt with an obsessive fear that I was gonna become schizophrenic before that, but the HOCD soon replaced it. Before long, I was watching a youtube video, and there was a girl in it who was probably 11-12. I remember thinking “wow she’s pretty”. This started a spiral that led me to think that I’m a pedo. It makes me uncomfortable even typing it. Since then, I’ve been dealing with this. It’s been about a year. Lately I’ve been also thinking that maybe I’m just in denial and I really am these things, and it’s really eating at me. I’ve been having more and more suicidal thoughts because of it. I’ve been talking to a therapist, but he doesn’t specialize in OCD, and I’m not even diagnosed, so I’m afraid to tell him. I’m also scared because it’s such a taboo thing to even talk about. I’ve also found instances where I’ve been sexually attracted to anime characters that look young and there have even been times where I’ve masturbated to anime characters like that. This has lead me to really believe that I’m a fucked up person and has given me such extreme anxiety and depression, and has further reinforced my idea that maybe aim just in denial. I just can’t stop doubting myself. What should I do?",1 "Hey! I wrote a post like this before and received wonderful replies so I am doing it again! Basically I was advised to write a letter to my mental illness as if it were a real person. I found it helped me, both writing to it and reading my family's letters to my mental illness. So I started a project where I collect and publish people's ‘Letters to their mental illness’ where anybody can post letters to their illness, from eating disorders, bipolar, agoraphobia, depression, OCD etc. Alternatively you could write to a loved one about the illness. It’s all anonymous of course. The aim is to share the letters and read other people's letters and hopefully it will make us feel less alone! I would love a letter from anybody here who would like to take part! Thank you for reading this! Here is the website for anybody interested :) [https://www.letterstomymind.com/](https://www.letterstomymind.com/)",3 "I am so fkn tired man of this, ""Man up"" or, guys don't have feelings shit. I wake up today feeling like absolute sht and have been for months now, it comes and goes but it's been getting really bad lately, like bad. And I text my dad for some moral support, he doesn't believe it exists and I get told to man up and go into work, just get over it. I'm so tired of prehisotric creatures not realising this is an actual fkn condition and thing, and yet people won't talk about and ignore the fact that basically 80% of suicide rates are male, I didn't get this younger. I've got it now, I've got it now.",2 "I have always had problems with sleep. I have tried melatonin , certain types of tea ,and even benadryl but it either doesn't work or it's too much.",3 "wellbutrin or adderall, both help me focus, but as a side effect; I remember how life was with my extended family, growing up, everyone was so close, but I wasnt, always depressed, antisocial, addicted to the computer, and watching life pass me by. Well now that everyone is grown up, and moved away, I see how everyone is not close at all anymore, and it just makes me so incredibly sad. I have so many flashbacks, I could never remember my past before these two drugs, and I just see how I NEVER talked, at all, or I was just so angry or isolating. I'm normally depressed, in waves, mostly gone when in fight or flight mode while doing insane travels (but still kinda antisocial/social anxiety), but more so because of lack of direction, energy, or SAD. Does this ever get better? Is it part of acceptance? or is it unstable emotions that need another drug.. I'm considering therapy after not having it for 8 years, but it's really hard to trust anyone. And even harder to trust them writing all this stuff down, on their computer, and storing it on a web server, when I work in IT, and know exactly how vulnerable this stuff is to getting hacked. Last year I tried to talk to someone, and when I mentioned these things, they immediately called me paranoid and wanted to prescribe an anti psychotic. When I can see visible proof of how many exploits there are, and how many systems are ACTIVELY compromised in the world right now, it is clearly, 100% without a doubt, not paranoia. eg: https://www.shodan.io/search?query=remote+desktop https://www.shodan.io/search?query=mysql https://www.cvedetails.com ok, and after that tangent, I also want to say, with either wellbutrin or adderall, I notice a huge increase in empathy, which is part of why these memories make me really sad. I know as a kid, I have very little empathy, and it was like I was in a fog (probably due to so many allergy meds with killer allergies), it was so hard to comprehend human interactions or consequences for actions. (maybe also some autism, but not so sure, as I'm very well aware of all of this while on either drug, and you cant cure autism, so then it must be a chronic dopamine deficiency) I got adderall for excessive daytime sleepiness, my doctor refuses to acknowledge adhd, my 2nd opinion doctor looked at the charts and saw this highly controlled test, and immediately said the same.",2 "I am having one of those ~~days~~ ~~weeks~~ months where I am feeling the result of years of burnout and feeling hopeless. For anyone else feeling this way, you're not alone. I would really just love to hear stories from those of you that have been to this point, and what made you feel better? I need to know that I am not going to be a shell of a human being for the rest of my life. Not really looking for advice, I just want to hear your success stories. Please. I need a morsel of dopamine. Background to preemptively answer questions: I (37F) was diagnosed a couple of years ago, in my mid-30s. I did great in school, made it through law school with good grades, and I've practiced law successfully for a decade now. Despite academic success, I had some ""weird"" habits (never organized, always late, forgetful, daydreaming, etc.). I thought these were just character flaws, but they never really made me feel ""less-than"" until my last boss made fun of me for all of these things. I had a traumatic health/family event a few years ago that lasted over two years, and only after that time did I know something was wrong. Despite being at work, I could not make my billable hours at my firm, no matter how much I wanted to and how hard I tried. I would sit in front of the computer and cry. I was \*barely\* functioning, but I was trying to get better. I was in therapy and got all the usual mis-diagnoses (which now causes me so much anger because I complained SO many times of the inability to focus and got suggestions like ""post-its,"" ""planners,"" blah blah blah). I basically diagnosed myself after hyper-focusing on self-help books/podcasts/reddit, and later got an official diagnosis from my psychiatrist. I've tried numerous ways to help myself recover from ADHD burnout, and to get back to living my life. I take my ADHD meds (adderall) and I've been on anti-depressants for a few years. I meditate probably 5 days a week. I quit my job during the pandemic and started my own law firm that I designed to accommodate my ADHD needs (after surviving a toxic work environment for years). That helps, because I am in charge of my own schedule, but I don't have any staff to help me stay organized, so I get overwhelmed. For weeks now I have just felt like a complete failure. I feel like I've tried everything. I'm starting with a trauma-informed therapist and EMDR next week, which feels like my last chance. \*\*Please note that though I am depressed, I am not a danger to myself or others. TL;DR: I am sad, have tried everything to improve my ADHD burnout, and need some success stories to give me some hope.",0 "TW: False accusation, condemnation, isolation, abandonment, school, dissociation, narcissistic relationships I finally feel able and willing to say this. When I was 8 years old I was the victim of a false accusation by a boy who suffered with autistic difficulties at are school. I was accused by the boy firstly in private, and then repeatedly by him, while accompanied by a senior leadership teacher, in front of all my classmates. As well, as other times. The accusation was that myself and another boy had beaten him up severely in the toilet. For a 3 months period, me and the other accused boy, were condemned and isolated away from by the rest of the school. Everyone refused to talk to us, and us two didn't speak much to each other. My 'best friend' at the time refused to talk to me too. It turned out the boy had beaten himself up in the toilet, presumably by throwing himself against various things and hitting his head against various apparatus. I wanted a handwritten apology from the school for the way they handled it, and a public message read out in school assembly that i did not do it. None of that occurred. Instead, the school's case against me was dropped, and nothing more occurred. Since then my whole life I've been desperately afraid of people abandoning me, making false accusation against me, accusing me of lying, and have become incredibly image conscious. All in an effort to prevent such an event occurring again. Subconsciously that is. Every time I try to stand up for myself, and someone challenges me on it, I break down in tears and feel incredibly vulnerable and powerless. I also feel so confused all the time, mainly re 'why is this happening to me?' thoughts. I relate a lot to people who have been falsely accused of things. Things like 'The Hunt' (2012) film were really emotional for me. And Also, 'Manchester by the sea' where his wife apologises about blaming him. It plagues every part of my life, as my fear, and distrust inhabit every area of my life. I also feel fundamental defective, and incredibly confused. Betrayal and revenge are things I am pulled towards a lot too. Serious Emotional sensitivity over years turned into present day Chronic dissociation. It also made me very susceptible to narcissistic relationships. These have really plagued my life. I want support for this. I want to be validated. I've been trying my whole life to overcome this, but I just can't beat it.",3 "Hi there 36m aspie from Czech republic. I am interested in [tramping](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Czech_tramping). Tramps however don't like to tell online when and where they meet, because some watermelons (Green outside, red inside) are vandalizing their camps. When someone ask on facebook how to join them they write something like:""Approach us in the nature/raiload station/pub."" I don't have enough courage to do so and I don't know how to do it ​ I consider to attend [this event](https://youtu.be/ad-eUNHZq8I) where I hope to find some tramps from my area. ​ Any advice how to do so?",3 "This is my second time trying to take Orgo 1, and I think I just bombed a test. I failed the last one, but I was determined to turn it around. I had a study plan that worked for about a week and a half- I was studying diligently every single night and I really started getting the material. But then, I fell out of it. It wasn't just that things got busy with other classes, it was also that I just couldn't force myself to do work half the time. I get into this state where I almost feel like i'm dissociating and I'm running completely on autopilot while the part of me that wants to get stuff done is strapped to a chair screaming at me to just focus and stop procrastinating but I literally can't make myself. (Probably worth mentioning that I have diagnosed ""moderate to severe anxiety"") And the thing is I know I'm smart. I could do really well in organic chemistry if I really applied myself, but I think part of the reason I don't do it is because it takes me a really long time to truly learn and internalize something (i'm talking needing 3-4 hours per concept to truly understand it, not including time practicing). And maybe that's how everyone is with or without ADHD, for some reason though it just doesn't feel doable at all. I don't know what to do, I hate feeling like such an idiot. All I keep telling myself is how stupid I am and asking myself why can't I just do it. Logically I know I shouldn't think like that, but I can't help it. Does anyone else feel like this? TL;DR I'm a college student taking orgo for the second time and I can't stop feeling like i'm such a massive idiot for not being able to focus. Any advice on being able to stick to a routine (I've really never been able to) and study strategies would be greatly appreciated!",0 "For context, every so often I start new little phrases or sayings. It's just something I use to fill the quiet or in conversation. Recently it's changed though, it's become little sequences of clicking, whistling, jerking my head to the side and making a little 'ahh' sound. There is no real reason I do it, it's not tourettes because it doesn't hurt if I don't do it or anything. Honestly I don't know what it is, if it's a compulsion or what I just do it. Anyway I've been seriously worried people are going to start assuming I've got tourettes or even worse think I'm imitating or mocking people who have it. I've gotten a couple weird looks from my mum when I do it but I told her it's because I like the feel in my mouth. I've been doing this for a while now. Anyway I was talking to my sister and I did the sequence and she just went deadly silent and stared at me. I asked what and she literally said ""Are you imitating -"" I cut her off before she could finish. I knew exactly what she was going to say and it feels like it burns. I want to cry. I just feel so fucking evil and pathetic. Like what's wrong with me? Am I just an attention whore or is this another actual problem I'm going to have to work to stop. I feel sick right now and at the same time I want to punch my sister in her fucking face. She spews crap all the time to me and I never complain to her even though she really crosses boundaries with me and she guilt trips me about everything. About how she doesn't feel supported by our mum because my mum will mention my ocd. How is that my fault? Not to mention until I was diagnosed I've spent every single day feeling pathetic and not worthy of sharing how I feel because she always made sure I knew I had it better than her. It just hurts",1 "I'm questioning wether i have adhd but it's on and of i go a few weeks being like yeah i may have adhd then another week or so like hahah no you don't this person you know who questions wether they have adhd so you don't have it you're just reaching or i see a person who is diagnosed with adhd mention an adhd symptom which i don't really think i also experience. Also sorry for a long text to read i know people who have adhd have a short attention span who would most likely hate reading long texts like this.",0 I have these intrusive thoughts where my brain says stuff like i hope i get poisoned and then i have to say joke or il get poisoned by God.I spend hours going back and forth saying stuff like i was just kidding and if i refuse i have to make a new accounts or the worst will happen.I have made like 30 accounts since this year on reddit and idk how many before that so i post here often.Im just wondering if someone else can relate.,1 "Whenever I start to feel super depressed, I just wallow in it because I’ve convinced myself I deserve to feel badly. That everything bad that has happened in my life is a direct reflection of who I am. I can’t yank myself out of the depressive episode because I don’t want to feel better, I want to punish myself.",2 "Often times in conversations about a subject I'm knowledgeable on, I will intentionally present myself as less knowledgeable, as well as after the fact if I do get technical with concepts and terminology I feel embarrassed and like I did something wrong. Why do I want people to think I'm stupid? Maybe it's because I know I can't rely on being able to explain my thought process or the knowledge coming up when questioned so I just try to avoid that situation entirely? Anyone else experience this?",0 Yeah I’ve starting cutting again and I don’t know what to do.,2 "Hello, I am a beautiful long term suffer of OCD (aint we all 🤮). I have struggled since the ripe old age of 13 and had symptoms as young as 8. I am 19 now. I have had CBT twice. The pandemic and starting a degree has increased my anxiety and I’ve recently fallen back into compulsions. I have fallen into a hole. Thankfully, it is not as deep as my previous self’s hole, but a hole it is none the less. I was just wondering whether you guys think medication is probs a good idea for me? I tried sertraline at 16 and it was horrific, so I’d likely be going for Prozac. What are your guys’ experiences?? And I mean the nitty gritty: • affect on sex drive • personality changes • sleep schedule • did it make u emotionally numb? • can it be worth it?",1 "I really just need to let all this shit out cause I feel like everything is getting worse constantly and as far as I'm concerned its not gonna get any better. recently there has been things come up in my life that has made already existing things even worse and I really cant cope with it anymore. I've been manipulated and lied to almost my whole life and my earliest memory is a depressing one. recently things have been getting worse and I have self harmed on multiple occasions and i honestly have thought about just ending it all. I thought that my depression started in Year 6 on Primary school (around 11 years old) but I don't know if it started earlier when I really look back at when my head was being filled with all these lies and manipulation. I am trying to get help at the moment and I have been diagnosed with severe depression, but even if I'm trying to get help and have been more open to family and friends I still cry myself to sleep, and I have been thinking more and more about suicide and I don't know if I'm going to make it to my 18th birthday or even the new year. I feel like something is wrong with me, I just feel like my brain works slower than others and it makes people angry when I don't get things or I misinterpret things and I have to apologise because of it, it makes me feel worthless and that I'm stupid and that I don't amount to as much as others. I've never had a family like my siblings did and while I at least have my mum and dad whereas others don't and I'm grateful that i have them it still doesn't fill the whole I had in my heart, I've still always been jealous of my siblings for being able to have an actual family that isn't filled with lies and manipulation. they've had my mum and dad in the same room without them hating each other. Also I just want to clarify that my mum hasn't done anything bad to me, its my dads side of the family, and while I know they all love me I don't think they fully grasp the damage they've done. sometimes I think that my parents splitting was my fault, I mean it was fine until I was born. sometimes I think that maybe things would be different if I wasn't born. anyways I don't really know if people will care to read this but I just needed to say something. there's more that I want to say but ill just keep this one shortish and if there are any spelling or grammar issues I apologise, It might just be a dumpster fire and it might be full of me just complaining, I'm not sure. well if you got this far then thank you for caring enough to read",2 "me and my therapist have been working on me making a narrative of when i was assaulted and i've never been able to talk about/write about the worst part of it, in large part because i so hate the fact that i have to use specific words about specific body parts. i don't want to think about having a body, or for anyone else to acknowledge that i have one either. so i always skip over it in sessions or just completely lose the ability to speak, and i've always just skipped over it in writing too because even saying it to myself was just the worst but! today, i have been working on this goddamn thing for like five hours and finally managed to write down all those stupid overly intimate body words and what happened to them for the first time. i don't feel great about it, my hands are definitely numb and my eyes keep going kind of blurry and i spent most of that five hours just dissociating at a word document and i had to punch my own arm several times after each difficult word, and i think i'm veering strongly towards the manic side of emotional coping, but either way it didn't *completely* shatter my world to acknowledge it and i wrote it and it's done and i need someone to say ""hey, good job!"" to me about it so that i can feel like i achieved something instead of just feeling twitchy and over-exposed",3 "Back in June I kinda sorta ghosted my therapist. Things were going mostly okay until the pandemic hit and I couldn't go to her office anymore. I hated the online sessions and didn't like the way I looked on camera so we did phone calls instead. I still didn't like the fact that I couldn't go in person, felt like I had to filter everything I wanted to say to her because I was at home with my family and didn't want them to hear. Still everything was decent until I missed one appointment by mistake. I scheduled another and then I never got a call back? Then I decided to set out a time to schedule another one but ultimately kept putting it off until I eventually forgot, and got too busy with bad things happening in my personal life that it escaped my mind for a while. Now all this shit has happened in my family, and on so many occasions ever since my depression got worse somehow. Now it's been months, I still haven't had a session since or even bothered to contact her. Now I'm scared to because I feel bad. She was really understanding too, I want to think she'll understand this but I just feel rude. There's also been so much going on in my life that I fear I won't know what to say when I'm asked. How am I supposed to unpack four to five months of trauma? Where do I even start.",2 "Unfortunately this is a small subreddit and as such there might not be mods around, or other people, to help you if you are in crisis. Discord Sever We have a discord chat for PTSD. Anyone is welcome, regardless of whether or not you have been diagnosed with PTSD. Here's a link: [https://discord.gg/YE2eN6K](https://discord.gg/YE2eN6K). General Information * NAMI.org is the national alliance on mental illness: [https://www.nami.org/](https://www.nami.org/) * [Books for Recovery](http://recoveryisbeautiful.tumblr.com/post/99744401894/this-list-is-meant-for-educational-purposes-and-to) * [App called ""what's up?"" on android, has general, helpful mental health resources](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.jacksontempra.apps.whatsup) * [Screen Protector - a website to help avoid triggers in movies](https://www.screen-protect.me/) PTSD Information * [PTSD: Self Help, Symptoms, and Treatment](http://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/post-traumatic-stress-disorder.htm) * [Mental Health America: PTSD](http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder) * [Another PTSD forum (outside of reddit)](https://www.myptsd.com/) * [The body keeps the score (book)](https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0670785938) * [Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving (book)](https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842/) * [PTSD: National Center for PTSD - USA Department of Veterans Affairs](https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/index.asp) Help With Anxiety * [Dealing With Panic Attacks](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-iNOFD27G4) * [100,000 Stars](http://stars.chromeexperiments.com/) If you feel like relapsing into self harm: * [Self Help for Self Harm](http://au.reachout.com/self-help-for-self-harm) If you are struggling with an addiction relapse: * [Relapse Help](http://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/relapse-prevention.htm) If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide: * [Self Help for Suicidal Feelings](http://www.suicideline.org.au/at-risk/self-help-for-suicidal-feelings) * [International Suicide Hotlines](http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html) * [International Association for Suicide Prevention](https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/) Dealing with Emotional Numbness * [How to overcome emotional numbness](http://onlinecounsellingcollege.tumblr.com/post/63168024682/how-to-overcome-emotional-numbness) Insomnia * [Self help for insomnia](http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/insomnia/Pages/insomniatips.aspx)",3 "Hi! I’m 14 years old, I recently got diagnosed with ADHD but I feel like I’m faking/exaggerating it or that I was misdiagnosed. My memory of my childhood is very limited, I only remember that I lost my stuff almost every day and procrastinated on longer assignments a lot. I no longer lose stuff but I have gotten a lot more impulsive and restless, and my attention span has gotten way worse. My symptoms have gotten worse ever since I discovered what ADHD was. That makes me think I’m unknowingly making stuff up for attention. I had to advocate for myself to get a psychological evaluation because my parents didn’t believe me. Because I related to almost every “Do you have ADHD?” video I saw I’ve been thinking about it for years. But what if I just wanted to feel “special”? Basically I don’t trust myself. Do ADHD symptoms change while growing up? I want to believe I truly have it. I’m starting medication later this week. I’m also on antidepressants.",0 "You know that the last couple of years have been utter shit. God, i have lost a few family members, a dog, a cat, my career, my house, my friends, and i got my 88 year old grandpa sick with covid. Like what more needs to happen. I think your god is trying to force me to believe him. I had a dream last night where something terrible had happen, yet there was a glimmer of hope. Then someone whispered in my ear ""the Emperor is here"". Which im a star wars nerd so to me that holds true that bad things will happen.",2 "OK, well its a long story. I have autism, so that has sort of naturally made me worse at social skills. I was picked on a lot at primary school, and has only a couple friends and even they left me after a couple of years. I do have interests like writing, philosophy, piano and stuff, but that's never the ""cool"" stuff that's in right now like skating and stuff. Then I went to high school, where the first couple years everybody tries to fit in. At this time I was really loud and out there, maybe too much, and I was called weird. Then noticing that this wasn't good feedback, I would be quieter and now I'm called boring with nothing interesting about me. I'm just really stuck on what to do. My friends are the types to joke constantly, and I mean constantly, so I never really get good conversation out of them other than jokes. So at this point, especially after the covid lockdown, I literally feel like I can't speak at all. I haven't had a normal conversation about anything with people my own age for about 2 years now. There's nothing to say. I can't see how some people can just talk about anything, its really hard for me. Even when I talk about my hobbies, everyone seems to not care because its not the cool thing to do at the moment, like skating or something. I also don't know when I'm meant to be enthusiastic or calm, it's really difficult to gauge these things with low social skills and autism. TL;DR: Bad social skills and autism, means that I find it really hard to talk about stuff now, at all",3 "I have a tendency to try to imitate people I admire or people who I think get the approval I desire from others. I’ve been trying to suppress that urge and just be myself but it’s hard. After so many years of imitation to avoid social ostracism I don’t even know what I like. I don’t feel strong opinions about things other than my special interests. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with taking inspiration from people but I don’t want to copy people, and I want to be authentic. I know it stems from shame from bullying etc. but how do I be myself when I don’t even know what I like or what I’m feeling half the time?",3 "I’m very empathetic, I care a lot about the people in my life. Which is why this apathy is so confusing. Lately I’ve felt such little genuine happiness or love for another person, nothing even seems real to me. I’m numb. It’s like getting attached to a video game character. I can only to an extent, until it doesn’t feel real anymore. I feel like I’m faking everything. I just want to feel like a person again. Does it get better?",3 "This happens to me fairly often, especially when I forget to take Prazosin at night. The other night I had a terrible nightmare that involved several people shooting guns at me underwater (which makes no sense). I knew I was dreaming and was trying to wake myself up, but couldn't figure out how to do so. I was even trying to scream and the scream would not come out. Eventually as the people with guns got closer to me, I got into a fight for my life, and eventually woke up screaming. But holy hell, the most frightening part of the whole thing was not being able to wake up even though I knew I was having a dream/nightmare. The fight, the guns, the people all felt SO real as well. Is there a name for what I experienced?",3 "Living life can be so difficult for some people, there are people that are having very tough times and I hope for them to get better, but ever since I was born, live has been difficult. I will explain myself, School hasn't been easy for most of us, and hearing your dumb, stupid and lazy doesn't make you smarter and better at school so yeah. Sometimes I have no sense of belogning in this world, I am more used to not talk to people, isolate in my room, play the guitar, read a book, play something alone and maybe just regret I am the way I am. Normal chores are difficult for me, as my fish memory doesn't help and my parents don't believe in adhd and mental health in a deep way. I just feel that I am not in control of my life, when I need to do something that I WANT/NEED I just can't, either I sit and watch in complete silence, or I hop into a song, search when ww2 ended, who is the creator of Adventure Time and then go back to the kitchen because I forgot my tea and now is cold . I don't really know what to do now, this is a nightmare, because every new thing can be a challenge, I don't even know how to write posts properly because I forgot what I wanted to say and I can't focus on one single topic at a time. Sorry everyone, I just need to get it out sometimes, I hope you have a really great day and I wish you the best of luck. <3",0 "I become self aware of how weird looking it can be, I can walk circle at a fast pace for 5 minutes just ruminating, I do this quite often, even in my 23 sqm flat. But if I saw a neighbor from his window doing this, it would look weird, like a poorly scripted pnj in a game.",3 My personal favourite is when I gave birth to my son by c-section and he was taken to another room to get oxygen for a very few minutes before I got to hold him. I loved him immediately and got horrified if there had somehow been a switch of babies in these very few minutes and I had fallen in love with the wrong baby and would have to give him up. He seriously looks JUST like me. I even wanted to have us dna tester but figured that would not be enough as the results of the test could be tampered with… Now that it is over I am like Jesus… THAT was truly silly,1 The worst thoughts come when i leave my phone and any distractions & it makes me sleep later.,1 "So I have a job that takes a lot of patience and attention to detail. I got my diagnosis just a little while after starting in this field, several years ago, and it made a huge difference in my stress levels and me stressing out my coworkers. I became less bad with time, less impulsive, less easily frustrated, and started feeling less stressed by every day things. I have a coworker that I've had to work with (in a 2-person team) for the last month and a half. It's affecting my work output and quality, and is also stressing me out. This coworker is obviously stressed way out and intelligent, but has no patience, communicates poorly, and constantly procrastinates then takes risky shortcuts to try to make up the time. They also like to get argumentative and can be pretty condescending. We have very hands-off management day to day, so it's basically me and the guy I have friction with unless a random coworker stops by. I can complain to management, but they are very slow and it isn't going to help for weeks to months. I'm patient and get along with most people at work most of the time, but this is going to cause me problems beyond frustration soon. I don't feel good about casually confronting them and they have a habit of appearing when the first level group supervisor is nearby and talking to me. What have you done with situations like this before? How has it turned out?",0 I'm about to try Zoloft because I believe my current brain fog and working memory problems is unrelated to my ADHD. My Adderall still benefits me my increasing my motivation to finish things one thing at a thing. Anyways and my biggest worry is that this Zoloft medication might decrease my sex drive since erectile dysfunction is listed as a common side effect.,0 "A month ago I was told that i probably had depression by my brothers girlfriend (she works with these things but I don’t remember the exact name of her job). I was feeling suicidal and out of hope but the day she told me that I slowly started to feel less suicidal, but the bad thoughts are still there and I still lack that sense of happiness, hope or emotion at all. Is this normal? Because i really don’t understand what is happening, before this I thought depression made you feel sad, but this is strangely worse.",2 "I’ll just be randomly going about my day, and then all of a sudden, BAM. 5 or so seconds of just wanting to die so so much that if I had a gun in my hand I couldn’t make any promises. Then a few seconds later it’ll go as suddenly as it came and I’ll be left there shaking wondering what the fuck just happened. Anyone else?",3 "I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I just can’t stop missing the person who hurt me. I just want to let go and move on with my life.",3 "When I have a thought about something I’m afraid of (I’m always scared something is wrong with my body and is going to hurt me any moment or soon enough) I am plagued by it and nothing can distract me. I’ve been trying to address or acknowledge these thoughts by saying to myself: “This thought is sticking in my head, but that’s ok. My brain is trying its best to take care of me. This thought makes me really uncomfortable and I feel scared, but it’s just a thought.” I’m trying to reclaim control of my mind and body because of my fears... does anyone have other mindfulness techniques or affirmations that help them?",1 Scrolling through tik tok saw kid Loki and thought he looks good. Is it wrong to think children look good It doesn't mean I'm attracted to then right? I don't want to be a pedophile I don't want to hurt people I want a normal life being a normal person who does nothing wrong.,1 "i have been so fatigued the past few weeks, i can hardly get out of bed. i have been oversleeping or just laying in bed with my eyes closed. i feel so hopeless like nothing will ever be ok again, i feel like i'm never gonna get out of this and feel normal. i don't want to do anything, i wish i had the energy to but i don't. i just want to be ok. i am really feeling like i can't function properly anymore. i don't know if i am depressed because of how i feel or if it's the other way around. how can i beat this when i'm so low that i can't even do basic tasks anymore? i just lay there either numb or crying. i never thought i could be this low. i feel like such a burden when i rely on others, i just wish i could be ok on my own but i know i would just slip. i wish i could just disappear temporarily until i felt better again. i don't feel like a person anymore.",2 "I've planned and attempted suicide in at least five different ways in my life. The closest one was the most traumatic leading to a traumatic brain injury that required brain surgery and neck surgery. It's been 13 years since then and the majority of that time life has felt like a mystery or a nightmare. I don't have plans to do it now but I have a strong desire to do so. I do have ideas and they're attainable but I'm not with the means at this very moment. I had a method this last year and all the way to a couple months ago that would have been peaceful but now that's no longer an option and it saddens me. It could have been my way out. I feel possessed at times, I feel like just a failure the majority of the time. My sickness and twisted sense of humor has kept me captive and alive for far longer than I'd like. I just want my life to be over. I've been in enough accidents and witnessed enough pain for me to want to call it quits. Life is not something I enjoy and the future looks worse than what I have currently.",2 "*need to call in my refill or change in medication today so advice would be greatly appreciated I was on 36mg Concerta for 9 months and then it became less and less effective. I began getting really tired and almost zombified 5-6 hours after my dose and stayed like that for the rest of the day. It was hard to deal with given my demanding schedule and afternoon classes/night functions. My doctor raised my dosage to 54mg and it is working too well. I feel boxed in a lot and more anxious, my fitbit says that my heart rate is 90 to sometimes 120 when I am just at rest and I feel my heat beat much more prominently. My appetite has diminished a lot (making sure I am eating enough tho) and I just feel wired. Doctor suggested I could switch to Vyvanse because he said it could be more effective and I could have less side effects. It seems like a good option but it is a big concern of that I will become tolerant to that soon and I will be back at square one of having my dosage raised and feeling very anxious and boxed in. Should I try to make my current dosage work for as long as possible or do I make the switch? Another option is that I could go back to my last dosage (36mg concerta) and take an instant release methylphenidate in the afternoon but at that point isn't that basically just taking instant release twice a day? What would be different about concerta + instant release compared to 2 instant releases a day? I've asked my doctor these questions but he has generally been unhelpful. I appreciate his honestly, but it is frustrating that his answers are basically ""it depends on the person"" and ""they all have generally the same effects"" and ""you won't know until you try it for at least 2 weeks"" and ""tolerance is something that always happens"".",0 "I am in one right now lol I thought I would try new things",2 "**What is your Study:** Exploring how voice hearing is experienced across the phases of the menstrual cycle. Do you have the experience of hearing a voice or voices (sometimes referred to as auditory verbal hallucinations)? The University of the Sunshine coast is seeking people who are 18+ and have a menstrual cycle to participate in research looking to better understand how voice hearing experiences change over the different phases of the menstrual cycle. Ethics Approval Number: S211566 **Lead Researcher Name:** Dr Rachel Brand **Lead Researcher Credentials:** Clinical Psychologist: BSc (hons) *Manchester*, DClinPsy *London*, PhD *Swinburne* **Institution Name:** The University of the Sunshine Coast **Advisor (For thesis level):** Supervisor: Dr. Rachel Brand **Will this work be published?:** It is hoped that this study will be published in peer reviewed journals **Compensation:** Participants will receive a reimbursement to cover costs incurred such as mobile data usage. Whilst this study may not directly benefit you as an individual, it is thought that this research will improve the future understanding and management of voices. **Method of study (In person, online):** Participants will be invited to complete three surveys over the course of one menstrual cycle through the use of a free mobile phone application. **Time required:** Each survey will take approximately 10 minutes. **Link for participation:** [**https://uniofsunshinecoast.syd1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_dcegcQKsLfbV9cO**](https://uniofsunshinecoast.syd1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_dcegcQKsLfbV9cO) **Email to contact for questions:** Please contact Kirstyn van Niekerk (student researcher) via email at [k\_v017@student.usc.edu.au](mailto:k_v017@student.usc.edu.au) ​ https://preview.redd.it/kl7u5j38l8f71.png?width=2250&format=png&auto=webp&s=6b3bdb31b1ae0b70bb3099a54141767c87c3dfae",1 "Hello, I was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome when i was 14 and have had to overcome a lot of misconceptions along the way. One of them being that we are incapable of recognizing facial and body language, some of us are highly in tune with it because we recognize subtle clues that otherwise go unnoticed. I got this way as a means of survival, bad upbringing and whatnot. Some have compared it to cold reading, which is kinda true in the sense that I use the same method of logic to calculate someone's possible reactions based on their character traits and personality. This has gotten me out of tough situations before, does anyone else experience this themselves?",3 "I started dissociating in the middle of Christmas mass (family is catholic) right around the halfway point. I've never seen religion as a trigger for me, but while I was there, I started getting fixated on one of my old stuck points. I used to have tools to work through it, but I was having a really hard time this time. It's hard because my family is really religious. I've been an atheist for a while, but I go to christmas mass to be with family (and so grandma doesnt look at me so disparagingly). Its hard because I wanted to run but couldnt.",3 "I just got diagnosed with autism. But I feel like I don’t relate. I feel like I look “normal” with “normal interests.” Is it normal to think other people on the spectrum are weird when you yourself are autistic?",3 "Sertraline just isn't keeping it at bay anymore, and if I'm being brutally honest, it hasn't been for a long time. I'm rattled from traumas and while connecting with people through this account has helped in some ways, in many others it has just made it worse. I pursue things harmful to me and then feel guilty when I realize they are harmful to others, which only seems to make the spiralling worse. I try to offer support to others to mixed results, and it scares me when I realize that I'm investing emotional vulnerability in total strangers who might use it to break me. Every time I'm ghosted it makes the pain worse, but I don't think I really expect not to get ghosted because I always believe I deserve it. I hate myself most days, and I hate that I don't recognize myself sometimes. I hate that I still feel terrified that the medication killed the real me and replaced me with a different set of chemical reactions in the brain, like the person writing this now is some artificial creature inhabiting an appropriated body and brain that couldn't hack it on its own. I hate feeling like I deserve to suffer and feel guilty, I hate feeling unlovable, I hate feeling so mind-numbingly alone even among people. Most of all, I hate how totally normal this state feels. How much my mind tells me this is exactly what I'm supposed to have, this is the expectation, and to take it and live with it. I no longer know if I have the capacity to even try climbing out of this crater.",2 "I’m not referring the caveman era, rather my grandfather was recalling life in the 40s and 50s yesterday and It struck me how much simpler and dare I say easier it would’ve been for people with an attention deficit disorder. As I sit here now I could be messaging any number for friends, replying to emails, mindlessly browsing social media, watching porn, watching a documentary, film, tv show, Youtube, podcast, listen to any song ever recorded, learn any new skill online, online shopping, FaceTime, drive to the shops and buy any amount of processed sugary foods, alcohols, buy any drug using telegram, get on dating apps, hire Uber eats, hire a goddamn escort if I feel so inclined… we’re surrounded constantly by near infinite sources of instantaneous dopamine release and we don’t even have to leave our bedroom for most of them. As we know from the neurological literature, available dopamine dips majorly after a high release and is dependent on the intensity of prior releases; if you’ve just watched the finale of your favourite tv show whilst stuffing your face with your favourite snack, studying a dull subject afterwards is going to seem insanely challenging. No wonder so many people are reporting feelings of apathy and presenting with shortened attention spans that mimic adhd. My grandfather told me how the only real options as a kid in the 40s was spending time with the family playing board games, studying without distraction, reading a book or going outside and playing with friends if they were around - or working. Occasionally you would go to a play or the cinema. I don’t envy people living in this era - the relative lack of opportunities, comforts and conveniences plus the archaic medicine and institutional oppression, repressed self expression and so on are lamentable by today’s standards - but I can’t help but feel like life would’ve been a little easier for someone with ADHD. What’s your thoughts?",0 """There's no time machine. I can't fix what happened in the past.You need to move past this and focus on creating good memories. I haven't said anything to you about the past episode because I'm allowing you to get past this. I don't want you to keep reliving this awful event. (Your wife) needs to do the same. Part of me, feels that she is doing she keeps reminding you of her past I feel like your going downhill instead of improving. I want to go with you to one of your therapy meetings. I want you to be happy again, your losing time out of your life .....don't let this defeat you! I love you so much!😀❤❤❤💋💋💋💋"" Seriously? I guess I can just get over this whole PTSD thing by forgetting about it and moving on. EDIT: Thank you so much everyone for the advice. I never thought my mother might be narcissistic until you mentioned it and it all makes sense. I've decided not to let her sit in with me. She would use the session to manipulate it and try to defend herself. EDIT 2: I wanted to offer some more context. My mother has been very controlling all of my life. I recently started to set boundaries with her, which is something I've never done before . She thinks it's my wife's influence and says that she is turning her against me. None of this has anything to do with my my wife.",3 "It was so bad I couldn't sleep last night and didn't go into work today. I'm going into work tomorrow b/c I have to. If I lost my job so much would some crashing down, its soul/bone-chilling to think of the disaster. I'm going to bed, I managed to get my laundry in the wash and now in the dryer. I guess its a win, doesn't really feel like winning though. I'm to the point I with I could either wake up or fall asleep to get away from this limbo like existence. Or option C, just wipe anything/everything to do with me from existence.",2 "Part rant, part advice seeking: I have a case study/ research paper due next week. It was assigned weeks ago, so naturally I only started this week. Every moment of work has been exhausting and excruciating. I have no passion for this project. The entire course has been painfully full and impossible to engage with. And now I am expected to produce a fairly large and deeply researched paper. If it was just the writing of the paper that i needed to to, it would be done already. Writing = happy brain. But the researching, the scrounging for information i genuinely have no interest in, and the endless hours reading incoherently written academic papers for source material is KILLER!! It is my ""wall of awful "" or however the phrase goes. It is standing in my way of competing the project. There is no way of avoiding it. I have to do it. I want to succeed in the class. ( I neeeeed to succeed because failure is awful and painful ) I am stuck between the imoveable object and unstoppable force of hating the required work of this project and and intensely fearing failure. I am not cut out for this kind of work and it is incredibly disheartening to know that it is a must, bit only in those course, but in further courses I need to take if I am to continue pursuing my degree. Every time this happens I am on the verge of have a meltdown. It's always overwhelming. All the other projects I enjoyed. They allowed for creativity and were more hands on. But. This. This sucks. I am not a researcher. Not like this. Not in an academic setting. But. As I said. It's something I need to do. I guess I am looking for any advice from fellow university students with adhd and how you push through the awful work. And how you fight the fear of failure/ rejection sensitivity and just get things done without worrying about everything being absolutely perfect. I am just really tired. In every sense of the word.",0 "Well I mean the title explains it all. I’m 22(F) and I’ve been driving since I was 16. I’m always on high alert and being overly observant of other drivers. It all started in October of 2020. I was on my way to work where I was rear ended on the highway by a man going 50MPH when I was at a stop in traffic. It took me awhile to get over it and get back to work, even back on the highway. Here comes May. I started a new job in January, moved back home to save money, things are going great. Well, I’m on my way home from work, when traffic comes to a stop due to a car ahead taking a right hand turn. I look in my rear view and see a car flying. Im rear ended again and forced into the car infront of me. Bracing for impact had lead to me needing surgery on both hands. Now here comes Sept. 22 of this year. I just had surgery on the 16th on my right hand. I’m on my way to pick up my medication with my mother (who is visiting from out of state) when a car comes darting out in-front of me. I slam on the brakes but cannot stop in time. My stitches open a bit and I’m once again injured. I see my mom fly into the windshield from the corner of my eye. I got out of the car screaming in anger. (now the last two accidents I sat and bawled my eyes out from anxiety/nerves). I have fought so hard to try and convince myself that I’ll be fine and I just need to relax and not be so on high alert/stress while driving because it causes me to hyper focus on one thing at a time. I haven’t driven since the last accident. I don’t sleep well. All I keep seeing is the image of my mom being ejected from the seat toward the windshield. I don’t know how to handle these feelings, and I don’t know how to help myself, so I am not afraid to drive or even get back into a car. I mean I have my whole life ahead of me, but I literally cannot see myself getting back behind the wheel because even if i do have control, there’s nothing I can do to prevent other peoples actions. People say “it won’t happen again that’s rare, you’ll be okay”, but it literally did, again and again. I’m terrified of just being smushed to death. I know I can’t live the rest of my life like this but I feel like a fool to talk to anyone because I’m just called “crash” I mean it was funny the first two times but now I’m just feeling so f***ing helpless.",3 "So warning, I’m currently severely depressed and angry at the world. This might become an incoherent mess. I was feckin good. Always did my homework in school, got good marks, graduated uni and went straight to work. I did everything right. I was told by every adult in my life that if I did these things I would have the fucking life of Riley, never wantin for nothin. I did everything right and all I have to show for it is a job that pays for shite, a damp, cold, mouldy flat and crippling debt that I will never be able to pay off. I don’t want any of it! I don’t want to have to fight and struggle my entire feckin life only to finally be free of it in my old age when im too god damn broken and beat down by life to be able to enjoy anything! Why the fuck?! Is this really ok for you lads?! You look at the way the world is and think it’s normal? My stomach twists and turns whenever I think about my future. Im 27 years old for fuck sake, am I just suppose to give me entire life away to the fucking machine? Sacrifice everything to be a cog? Why?! Why do I have to suffer so the already wealthy can become even wealthier? FUCK YOU. We’re slaves. Every single one of us. We work and toil, sweat and bleed, all for them. I would rather be dead. I don’t want to do it their way anymore. I don’t want to be a slave but if I stop I lose what little I have, I can’t eat, can’t have a roof, can’t stay warm, can’t survive. So my only option is to keep being a cog or fucking end it my way, on my terms, the only real freedom we have. I’m obsessed with this line of thought, I can’t stop thinking about what life has in store for me for the next 70 years. I’m terrified. I don’t want to leave my flat, I’ve stopped talking to me mates, I’m in the worst mindset of my life and I can’t get out of it. I would rather be dead. Thanks for reading my rant.",2 """Here it comes. Another story."" I can't seem to give short answers. I give a whole story. My friends have said, you could have just said no or you're not interested. I didn't need to know all that or want to know all that. Basically TMI is right next to my name.",3 " Need to get some money fast Need some cash Need it fast Too much Stress is not a blast How long will all this stress last! How long can I deal with this wrong, stressful stress is no pretty song Stress ain’t weak, but it is sure strong need less stress, too much stress, this stress it is like a pest Might need pills, can’t pay bills need some money, feel so crummy… Too much stress, is not funny But it’s stressful Most jobs worked at, they were such bull Not just work, but cause asshole not just jerk, he was an asshole! Not much pay, but worked all day but lots a crap, did that prick say that’s my rap so Hope you liked it, or did that blow? I do not know, this is no show And I do not smoke…weed or pot. Hoe! don’t assume I’m lazy, if I don’t work job that pays me Cause I have fucking O.C.D, and O.C.D is crazy! so next time if you see me, and you think I need to work more Maybe don’t assume shit, cause that shit I really abhor really fucking so poor I can’t rent a room even, or barley food at a store Avoidance it is a chore, Obsessions make my mind sore Lazy isn’t it or, lazy ain’t why I’m poor So Next time if you want to assume, assume that shit no more.",1 "Ive recently undergone some really traumatic stuff. It probably doesn't come close to the stuff most people here struggle with and I don't wanna pretend theyre on the same level, but i'm finding even basic functions hard right now. And everything is setting me off so easily, even things as inocuous as the scooby doo films from when I was a kid. I catch myself curling up at a single word or minor similarity in theme and just stuck in the memories. It might be that its so recent, but if there's any suggestions someone has, i'd appreciate them.",3 "It’s 2 and I woke up at midnight in great panic I took sleeping pill and it didn’t work at all. I need help to fall asleep I’m so stressed out I need help now",3 "[Here's last week's Solitude Project Saturday](https://old.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/qj2qgg/solitude_project_saturday_what_projects_are_you/) **So, /r/aspergers, what projects do you have on the go right now? Any ideas on the backburner for one reason or another? Any ideas just in the planning phase?** Even if you are working on them with someone else, they still apply here. If you can mention the interest that you have that relates to the project, that would be great; it may help others.",3 "Recently, (for the past 3 weeks), I've been seeing a trauma therapist for my CPTSD. I've been severely abused by my family since my birth and only escaped once I turned 19 and went into the army... where I went through further abuse from other females in the barracks during Basic Training. I was discharged at 21 for medical and mental reasons. It wasn't until I turned 27 that I started to see a psych and got on medication. I'm calmer now, and not as suicidal. But the trauma therapy seems to be doing something really weird to me. I'm having vivid snippets of sensations or words from traumatic events that had previously been blocked in my dreams. I'm talking VIVID. Like my body is reexperiencing the moment and I'm trapped behind a glass, powerless to stop it. I couldn't remember a bulk of my childhood or trauma for years, so I thought I didn't experience any of it. Or that I was making it up. But my therapist says I have severe symptoms of CPTSD and I'm just reasoning them out as a bad day or lack of sleep. She started talking about the feelings behind the behaviors, and I kept blanking out, forgetting what we were talking about, how much time has passed, and where I was. Like a temporary memory wipe. It got so bad that I fully zoned out during the session and stared off into nothingness for a full 10 minutes before speaking again. But the moment toed to those emotions were experienced with vivid clarity once I went to sleep. It only ever happens when I fall asleep and I can't seem to figure out why. It's starting to make sleeping a more anxiety inducing and I don't really have anyone to ask for advice or reassurance. So I thought I'd post my experience here, and see if anyone else might relate or know what this means? Seriously, I'd appreciate anything at this point. I'm still a bit out of it and not feeling too great, so please don't mind any bad grammar or apprradic writing. (I'm kind of coming out of one of those dreams feeling physically disgusted and distressed). Thanks for taking the time to read and/or respond. Edit: It's gotten much, much worse. The exhaustion gets so bad I'm sleeping for days at a time, and I dissociate so bad at work I have to be sent home. It freaks the backroom management out because I stare at the ground or the wall for 30 minutes at a time and when they try to get my attention it feels like I just ""woke up"" from a nap or something. The suicide ideation is coming back in full force, and even with support I'm finding it harder and harder to maintain my grip on reality. I'm so exhausted. Even if I know it's not true, it doesn't keep my mind from telling me that nothing is worth it anymore. I'm just so, so tired.",3 "My OCD often feels like I’m bargaining with it; if I do ritual x, anxiety will stop about y. I sometimes wonder if I’m stuck in the bargaining phase of the five stages of grief. My parents divorced when I was 7 and we (mum & sister) left to live with my now step-dad. My OCD notably started around that time. I’ve wondered if I was grieving the ‘loss’ of my dad and that life we had, and, for whatever reason,I got stuck in bargaining/depression. I’d be interested to hear other’s thoughts.",1 "at some point of my life i thought it was better to walk like a robot i still cringe at this to this day",3 "So I've been doing a little better the last few weeks.. I think. My depression's feeling a little more stable and than my usual 'manic highs' in the pendulum swing, but I'm getting more 'urges to cry' in exchange. like all the time. Mostly to music, of all kinds. Not always sad songs, and not always a sad cry; sometimes just an outpouring of emotion. Curious if anyone's felt this kind of swing or had any thoughts on it",2 "For months the plan has been that we would start at a new school together (we’ve been in the same class for 6/7 years.) now (3-4 weeks before school start) I found out I got in and not him. I’m kinda panicking and I don’t know if it’s even ASP related but I’m stuck and don’t really know what to do. I don’t want to make new “friends” but don’t want to look weird when not eating lunch with anyone. I could postpone school for 3 months until he can apply for the school again, is that a bad idea? Idk if it’s related and sorry if this isn’t allowed just don’t know what to do or how to move forward.",3 "I'm afraid to go to bed at night again today. It's hard. Please give me some advice. Please give me some advice. I want to die. I don't have the courage to die, so I can't.",1 "I’m torn on how i feel about this book in relation to my own trauma. It is at times an excruciating read, I’ve never read a book that literally punched me in the face with emotion every 15 pages, and like a masochist I’d sit there and read it alternating between crying because something was so small and so touching or so tragic and heartbreaking. It’s been 5 years and I still think about this book at least a few times every week. It’s, at its core, a story about trauma and friendship but centers around one character who has had one of the most difficult lives imaginable, like even to just touch on the basics would require every trigger warning there is. At some points it almost feels like tragedy porn, but it balances that with these extremely tender and heartfelt moments and reflections on friendship. In a way I felt like the book traumatized me, but on the other it feels so important that I read it. I’m just wondering if any other trauma survivors who’ve read it have had a similar reaction, or just what your thoughts were in general.",3 "I’ve been struggling with PTSD for years now. I know what it is, how to handle it, what skills work for me, and I never particularly needed specific accommodations at my institutes of education because I made friends with my teachers and administrators. Because of that, I never really sought an official diagnosis. However, I’m in higher education now, and am now looking to get the diagnosis to make a better case for accommodations NOW since my symptoms have slightly worsened and, if I’m paying to be here, I’d like to get extra help if I NEED it. I already have the appointment with the psychiatrist set up for Sept 9th, but I’m a little lost. I know most psychiatrists look down their noses at “self-diagnosis”, but in thiscase, like. Generally, you fucking KNOW if you’ve got trauma. I do. However, if I come out saying that, am I going to be taken less seriously? I dunno, I guess I could just use a little reassurance and advice from those of you who HAVE been diagnosed. Thanks.",3 "I started school this September but I'm a month behind. Old me could easily catch up without any issues. Current me is terrified because I know it'll take long and I doubt I can complete what's needed to be done. I have very low confidence in my abilities. I'm terrified but avoidance is only making the issue worst. I'm scared of being judged by my professors and TAs for not attending classes and tutorials or not submitting assignments. I will be speaking to my disability worker this week and she would advocate for me but I feel embarrassed. I fell into a deep depression and at a point, I was not medicated which made my ADHD worst. I still can't take care of myself but with my therapist, I know I'll get better. In regards to university, how can I find the confidence and motivation to start catching up? I don't believe in myself",0 Is anyone completely healed from trauma or depression? How do you do away with suicidal thoughts?,2 "I have multiple diagnosis so I'm trying to figure out what's going on and if this is my OCD fucking with me or something else. Trying to help my psychiatrist figure out my meds. There are things that I avoid that I really should not avoid. Simple things that I have no reason to avoid. There is no specific fear attached and no reason and no ritual. The inability to do these things causes me anxiety, not the other way around. There are certain things that I do that my psychiatrist says are compulsions but I'm not doing these compulsions to prevent anything or out of any fear mostly I do it to alleviate anxiety. I would love to hear what anyone has to say if you can relate or have any info for me. Thank you 💜",1 "Lately it's been weighing on me that my life seems to be a struggle to nowhere. I've had to pause my schooling because my mental health wasn't allowing me to focus. I just got out of an abusive relationship only to be hit with the fact that most people I've dated don't want anything serious and I end up being used. I love my friends, but I know they can't always be there for me and I'm terrified knowing that someday all my friends will be gone living their own lives and I'll be alone. I work nights and all I can think about is how tired I am and how I'm not able to see anyone or make plans because of work. All my money goes to rent or helping my roommates with rent. The one good thing I have is that I'm trying to transition right now but even then it's preventing me from being able to drink anymore because of the nausea from the pills. I don't know how to deal with my crippling loneliness and anxiety and it feels like I'm meant to be alone and unhappy.",2 "I’ve had depression for almost three years now to the point that I’m taking meds but every time I feel like I’m getting better something worse happens. This time It’s been a false rape allegation. It’s hard to see from an outside eye, of course, but I wouldn’t be chatting in this if it was true. Tried the other week and the rope snapped wtaf should I do ?",2 "This is my first time turning to the internet to get information or advise on something I have struggled with for a very long time. I am 25 years old, I work in property management, I live a pretty basic life. I have a boyfriend, two amazing dogs, I love gaming, watching movies, reading, self care, eating (though I struggle with my weight), I would say I'm a pretty open person. I am friendly and kind... However, I have actually NO friends. I haven't had a real connection with a ""close"" friend in YEARS. In grade school up until sophomore year of highschool, I was SUCH a social person. I had so many close friends, I was constantly growing little attachments to those near me. I was a very ambitious kid. Well then I up and moved half way across the US, and after starting in my new school, I just feel like I couldn't connect with anyone. It was a different vibe. I slowly turned into this chubby introverted girl. With no friends. The move definitely helped in some aspects of my life... But it hurt in others as I could see. Well fast forward a year, I met a man who I thought was my one and only... He introduced me to a new level of relationship I had never experienced. I fell so hard, and let my guard down way to quickly. It was only a matter of time before it seemed I allowed myself to be swallowed by his insecurities and demands. He convinced me to push my family away. He took my introverted self and made me literally terrified of the idea of a single friend. He wanted me all to himself. He broke me. I allowed him too. Well after 5 years of emotional and even moments of physical abuse... He eventually felt he had no further need for me and moved onto his next victim. This life event left me in a very broke, disgusting place. I decided I needed to do something right for myself. So I moved back to where I came from. Moving was so terrifying ... I was alone, I had only a suitcase and a gaming desktop with me. But I did it, it made me a lot stronger and proud of myself. I got an amazing job, met my current life partner, and slowly regained sanity .... Though I am in a better place now, I still find myself depressed, and disassociated, because I feel it is impossible for me to make friends, or even just one good friend. Not someone I feel I truly connect with. Or have anything in common with. I have my boyfriend... But it's not the same. I still feel like there is something missing.... I don't know if it's me, if it's just not putting myself in enough situations to meet new people... How do you even do that in your 20s? I don't know what it is... But it's something I find myself crying over... And I do not think this is normal. Like is it something I should just get the hell over? I don't know... So I guess with no solution for myself I'll just throw up my life issues all over the internet... Lol it seemed like a good idea. Gg. X.X",2 I dont know what else to say except i doubted my sanity momentarily.,3 "I've had this curse for 3 years now. I'm on meds. I've gone through therapy and was pronounced ""cured"" when I could talk about my abuser without breaking down. Yet I've never felt worse. I normally just lurk here but I'm in the midst of a flashback that isn't showing any signs of going away, it's been over a week now and my well of strength and hope has run dry. It's not just this flashback either, it's like for every 1 day that I feel okay and tiny bits of happiness, there are 6 other days where I just want to die so I don't have to feel like this anymore. I feel like I'm never going to get better and being sad, hopeless, paranoid, hypervigilant, and incapable of trusting anyone is just *my life* now. It's the hand I was dealt by a man who tears apart the lives of innocent people and who will never get any punishment or justice. I can't imagine living the rest of my life like this. I cry every day. I have nightmares. I can't remember shit anymore and my work suffers because of it. I can't have a normal relationship. I get triggered by common unavoidable things, and I hesitate to even post this lest I trigger any of you. If I do, I'm truly sorry. Nobody gets what a living hell PTSD is outside of people who actually have it, so I can't even talk about it to the people in my life without making them feel awkward and uncomfortable. Nobody knows what to say and I can't blame them. I want to think that someday I'll know happiness and safety again but I don't think I will. I've never thought about ending things before but it's on my mind a lot now. I can't do that though cause I have a son. I can't leave him to grow up and find out that his mom died cause she couldn't deal with life anymore. He's the one thing keeping me alive. Absolutely any words of encouragement or understanding are appreciated, I feel like I'm losing it and I've never felt so thoroughly alone and hopeless before.",3 "Recently with all the things happening on the media, social media, tv shows, and any form of general entertainment platforms, has brought ASD & Aspergers into a more of the social norm- bringing light to and information about people with ASD. Which has also given people who were never diagnosed as children to later find out in adult. And I can relate to this, finding out why you never fit, why you are who you and later understanding more in detail. But something I can't get out of my head is the fact is that sometimes it can be incorrect, I understand that as humans we also want the answers for our problems, and finally finding that answer. But I can see where this can be taken advantage of, as it becomes a more open discussion..I fear that people will choose to label themself as on the spectrum. When reality is they are not, or not even in contrast to being on the spectrum. I fear the more it becomes an everyday topic, the more it will be adapted as a social outage for excuses for mistakes of the past-- a form of munchausen by the internet. And that I fear will give those of us who are on the spectrum immoral trust in where things will go. ​ Thoughts?",3 "He doesn’t get it. I have PTSD from (in order) physical abuse, sexual abuse by two different girls before I left elementary school, emotional/psychological abuse (from a police officer I looked up to), a life threat (I hid under a bed), assault with a glass), a sexual assault (forced oral), and verbal abuse all by different people at different times of my life (diagnosed after the life threat and assault). Anyway, one of my triggers is loud noise/yelling. He lets our kids yell and scream when he plays with them. If I ask him to turn volume down I’m being dramatic. Another trigger is letting my young step- daughter wear short shorts (I buy her appropriate ones, but her mom sends her with too small shorts) and she doesn’t sit appropriately on the couch. If I say anything I’m a bitch and I mistreat his daughter. I’m trying to protect her. I don’t know how I can get him to understand, or empathize! How else can I explain it? I can’t leave every time he plays around with them.",3 "So I’m an 18M, Undiagnosed but pretty certain I have ADHD-PI. Anyone else feel like their lives is a mess of problems that you can’t fix no matter how hard you try? Mostly cuz you can’t even see the problems they have until someone around you points it out. Anybody else feel like that or just me? P.S. Hoping I met the 300 character requirement.",0 "i need to stop dressing based on how cold i think i should be because i did NOT need a coat. i speed walked for 20 mins to catch my bus n as per i was overheating n even now i’m still sweating after sitting for 5 mins. i could feel sweat dripping down my forehead, the back of my neck/back, arms, i’m just wet with sweat it’s so embarrassing! anyway, i don’t know how to word this but could i still get a cold from not wearing a coat now it’s getting colder even though my body is hot? & does anyone have anything that helps this excessive sweating because it is ridiculous. thanks!",0 "Hi everyone! This is a little long so please bear with me! So I work a corporate 8-5 where I spend most of my time at a desk. For context, I work a lot with photography/videography (and some light graphic design). To say that I can't stay focused is an absolute understatement, and it affects my mental health in various ways. I have stress dreams about getting abruptly fired for not staying on task. MOST of my time is spent here on Reddit or on Youtube, but when I do actually get into the mindset of doing the work, I blow it out of the damn water. In other situations, I'm very forgetful when it comes to planning for the times where I won't be at my desk (photo/video shoots). I know it's not this simple, but if I could just find a way to be productive for a longer period of time, I could get ahead. I could excel instead of feeling like I'm trying to keep my head above water. So I have to ask outside of medication ( ~~I have a recommendation but no prescription yet)~~, what are some strategies you've implemented in your own job to stay productive (~~please no sticky notes my desk is filled with them~~)? Does your employer know about your ADHD and if so, have they help you find any accommodations that have helped you?",0 "Ive been obsessing over this for so long and I can't take it anymore. A few months ago, when I had just turned 18, I started talking to a 16 year old. We didn't date, we were just flirtatious and friendly. When we were talking I commented under a picture he posted where he was shirtless and said it was hot. I also said to him ""I had a dream about you last night, I can't say what happened though."" We never said anything explicitly sexual to each other, never sent any nudes, but I just want to know if what I did was illegal. I'm serious when I say I've been obsessing over this for MONTHS. Is what I did illegal? Do I deserve to be imprisoned? I've contemplated suicide over this and feel it is a mistake. I know our age difference really isn't that significant but I live in a state where anything sexual between a minor and someone who is 18+ is illegal. I really can't tell because my friends have dated 18 yr olds when they were 16/17 too. Please be honest.",1 How to deal with doubt and uncertainty? My OCD theme is what if I hurt someone without notice... Sometimes I see something and I know what it is but my OCD make me doubt so much... It's like sometimes I have 2 brains lol... And the uncertainty is so hard to cope with... I cannot afford therapy and also I read some books about OCD but the anxiety is always there. I don't do compulsion like before but I'm also avoiding a lot of stuff... I don't know what is Ocd thought and what is a real thought...,1 "In the past few years I’ve realized that I’ve missed my teen years (I’m 17 rn) all I have been doing in my teen years is play videogames. Not that I had any choice since I have social anxiety, which makes it really hard for me to talk to people and also try to make plans with people and now I’m kind off giving up on that because everytime I try to make plans with someone no one wants to and then I feel like I’m weird and like it’s my fault. So I have no friends, no confidence, shit grades and sometimes suicidal thoughts",2 "...I can stim like crazy under the desk and no one can see me! I just had an important and stressful call that I needed to make really good use of, and I was able to get a lot done partly because I could do all my hand and foot things unobserved. (I usually mask my stims more strictly than anything else.)",3 Does anyone watch something on YouTube purposely staying away from phub but still after you’ve watched YouTube you get false memories that you have watched something bad/illegal.,1 "hey guys, i’ve never posted here before or even on reddit so bare with me if i’m doing this wrong idk, just looking for some support or similar experiences. i’ve not been officially diagnosed with ocd but i have a worsening problem relating to the textures of foods to the point where i had to go vegetarian because looking at the texture of meat was horrifying me and thoughts kept popping up of things i’ve seen that really freaked me out this has now extended to vegetables and fruit as well so eating is really a fucking struggle. every time i’m presented with a plate of food i start panicking and thinking repeatedly ‘dont go down that hole don’t think the thoughts’ but the more i try not to think them the more i am i’ve lost a lot of weight and definitely think it’s spiralling into an eating disorder just wondered if anyone else had this and if they had any tips to make it go away or control the thoughts ??? i am so hungry hahahaahaha any help is welcome x",1 "If you know what line in what movie I'm referring to. It's never OK for a neurotypical actor to 'go full r#' because it very easily can come off offensive. ~~But us who are mentally handicapped.~~..Those of us who are challenged by our autism (I really just mean me, and whomever else can relate to this post), maybe should allow ~~ourselves~~ myself to let go of all the masking once in a while, and let ~~ourselves~~ myself fully express the extent of ~~our~~ my autism? It certainly makes me feel free if I can flap around and make random sounds without fearing anyone judging me for it. Getting rid of that fear is ... very difficult. So I guess that's why I'm posting this post. Is it ok for us, to go full....?",3 "Hello, When locking car is one click on lock button on key enough to lock all doors? I always get embarrassed because i am thinking what if my car requires 2 clicks to lock all doors so i end up clicking the button 3, sometimes 5 or sometimes 9 times it really embarrasses me because this weird situation is in public and ppl might be watching",1 "Hello everyone, first and foremost I'd like to apologize if this is ill placed in this community. I have no diagnosis of ADHD. However I'm trying to understand whether how I feel is related to anxiety or perhaps ADHD. I apologize for any ignorance I may display and would be happy to be educated. I don't mean offense. Recently I've been finding myself struggling to get school work done. I'm on my first semester of college and it has pretty much gone smoothly. However, I've noticed that throughout college I struggle to focus on my work knowing full well that if I complete the work it will ease burdens on my shoulders. However when I sit down to do my work it's hard to focus on actually doing what needs to be completed pertaining to the class. I get distracted by checking my email unnecessarily, playing a game and hyperfocusing for hours and sometimes forgetting to eat and drink properly. My SO points out that it's weird that I need multiple sources of stimulation. For instance I'll be watching TV with her, and playing a game on computer. I feel like I can't have any downtime that I always need to be working on or toward something. During loading screens I'll load up a game on my phone or read an article online. I have always considered myself a procrastinator And I use the pressure to power through school work or whatever I have planned. I'm not exactly sure where to begin in rooting out way I feel this way. I apologize again if this is in the wrong place or if I have offended anyone. Thank you in advance for your insight as I appreciate it very much.",0 "Since last year I have been learning how to program, I'm not diagnosed with ADHD but it's obvious at this point. I used to pick random tutorials and not finishing them up and else, so I went to my college library and took 3 books. Today I finished one after 3 days, at first I wanted to finish it in 1day but well. Now I will practice with my pc and read the other 2. I wanted to practice but I felt asleep so xd. At least I'm doing it idk",0 "I'm considering seeing a psychiatrist because my symptoms have officially gotten beyond the point of just ""nutting up."" I failed an entire semester of school. And I either want to just drive as far as I can wherever it takes me just to get away from everyone in my life or die somehow. I need help. Idk what the process is for this. My dad also has had depression for decades and his medications just turned him into a barely-aware zombie and I don't want to do that to myself. I just need to feel comfortable waking up in the morning and having the motivation to do what I need to do and not having the anxiety that stops me dead in my tracks from doing anything. What do I do? Is it a trial and error thing? And what negative side effects from antidepressants should I expect?",2 I seem to be getting less intrusive thoughts since breaking up with my partner and am feeling a lot happier but also now starting to get intrusive thoughts about my ex and it’s beginning to confuse me as to what I want - has anyone had anything similar and/or have any wisdom/knowledge/advice to share,1 "Every night is the same shit. Yes, I know about not using a phone before bed. I know about ""only using your bed to sleep"". I exercise daily. I have a fan on for white noise. I've tried anything you can think of. (I'm on my phone now because I've been laying here for 5 hours wide awake). I'm so tired of getting up completely exhausted every morning, pretending I didn't just get a solid 2-3 hours of sleep, sometimes less sometimes slightly more. I think the longest I've slept in years was 8 hours, but that's only happened a few times. And even those times I woke up multiple times in the night so it wasn't actually 8 hours. It's already hard enough to function with sleep. It makes me treat people terribly because I'm constantly annoyed by how tired I am. But then the second I lay down in bed I'm not tired anymore. I feel like I'm gonna go insane if I have go much longer without normal sleep. It makes everything so much worse. I genuinely think about killing myself a lot because I feel like such garbage. Espscially first thing in the morning because that's when I just begin to get tired but then I have to get up.",3 I went to the doctor because I wanted to do blood work. When I left the papers that they gave me said I’ve been experiencing painful urination for 2 weeks. Not true. It started a day ago but my other symptoms started almost 2 weeks ago. I kind of want to run back inside and tell them that’s a lie BUT I feel I’ll look dumb. Then I’m wondering if what they put will have an effect on my insurance and how I’m billed ??? I just don’t want insurance to be over charged. That is my ONLy concern is there is no fraud.,1 I've been home and out of a different country back into my home one since last September. I live with my parents now and the only way I talked to my ex was online but we met maybe in 2017 and we talked about many things that made me feel unique and now I'm having relationship OCD. We're exs for a reason. I probably think about this all day and it stops me from getting out of bed. When we met something terrible happened and I can't stop thinking about one more thing it kind of showed who we both are as people. I wish I didn't just decide to stay with him it really ruined my life. I'm already ruined though. My life is already ruined. Anyway I'm going to try to cut this short I can't stop ruminating what if he was the one what if he was the one but I can't forget how he'd damaged the idea of what we had our relationship and life would be. So I'm obsessive over what was fake about us. I sometimes want to text him and return to the country and get a permanent resident then get married and have kids. That was the original idea. I was honestly shocked at how plans didn't work out though that's what I need advice on.,1 I told her I was depressed and anxious about taking the GED test like I wouldn’t pass and she started saying how she doesn’t believe that I am the way I am and I’m making a big deal over nothing. I’m diagnosed with depression and anxiety and other things and it was sad to know that she doesn’t think it’s real and that I’m struggling all because she says “I love you” to me that I should be ‘normal’,2 "Im m18 just trying to not use alcohol and weed to deal with my problems. My girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago and now all my problems have gotten worse. But im working on it. Am i going to stop drinking and smoking to cope? Probably not. But the goal is to do it less. Anyone here suffering trying to reach out we all understand. Ive had past trauma that will never go away, that id assume most of you have too. It may not get better overall, but everyone has good days. Remember the people you love and reach out. Even if that doesn't mean telling them what you're dealing with. Ask if they're free to talk to you or text you. People are there even if its easy to forget.",2 "I have fairly recently started treatment for ADHD. I have the combined type but the inattentive symptoms are what really kicks my ass. I started Xaggitin XR (methylphenidate) a couple of months ago, I haven't noticed much change so the dosage has been titrated upwards. I'm currently on 54mg and it's been increased again to 72mg. As far as I can gather, 54mg is the max recommended dosage and I'm not sure if this is standard practice in the UK? I'm not getting any side effects and it seems to be making me calmer, almost to the point that I feel sleepy sometimes. I'm still struggling to focus though and I'm wondering why they keep increasing the Xaggitin rather than trying out a different medication to see if it works better. Has anyone had this experience? My ADHD nurse is pretty hands off and I haven't had contact with my consultant since starting meds. Obviously I can ask my nurse but I was interested to hear what others' experiences have been.",0 I’m so relieved knowing that what I’m experiencing isn’t just me. I always just thought having thoughts of murdering people or people dying or having the first thought when I see a girl is sexual or having somewhat simple mistakes come up and them making me an anxious wreck and irritated if I can’t fix it how it needs done. I feel so guilty about this because I wouldn’t ever do anything to someone else yet I have the thoughts and they feel so real and terrifying. I just thought I’d share.,1 "(31M/accountant) I got back with my ex. I found out she's been with two other guys. I found out who they are and now can't stop comparing they are really cool dudes. and making endless scenarios in my head trying to establish timelines. Like was she speaking to them before we broke up it really makes me feel like less i hate it but i dont want to brake up im scared of being without her. All i can think of is geting to their ""level"". Today i also found out i didnt pass my second cpa exam, i studied a lot and i havent told my family im so ashamed. I am isolating hard, i havent answered my clients calls this is going to affect our relationship and potentially their businesses. Tomorrow is my first day on a very important job, one that will finally allow me to get my finances straight. I need to be on my A game yet i cant beleive im depressive 24 hours out. I feel like im spiraling out of control. I know These mini drepressions do end in a week or less but they always leave havoc behind. I wish i wasnt this cyclical up and down constantly.",2 "A few weeks ago I opened up to a higher up about my stress and reasons why I may not be operating like I could be. Ever since, people have been kinder and across the board they have been more mindful of how they communicate things to us. People check on me everyday and ask how I am doing etc. All that is great but can't help to feel sometimes it is patronizing but I'm willing to accept that it may be my ADHD making me see things that way. I want people to treat me well by showing appreciation for things I do, be kind, be mindful of how certain things can negatively affect me but I don't want people to only act a certain way because they are afraid that I may cause them harm if I have a mental episode. Anyone mind helping me untangle this knot?",0 "I don't know am I realy depressed or not but I need help. For a couple of months I feel realy sad and I owerthink. When I'm with frendes I mostly forget about my problems but when i get home if I dont distracte myself im just sad and bored. Sometimes fore some reasone I have seriusly dark thoughts, but i don't think of them on purpose they just come to my thoughts. The problem is that I'm not sad everday, i get sad randomly for no reason. And sometimes I'm sad and then i calm down and stop crying and start to get happy, but then out of nowhere i just start being sad. I never talked about that with my parents beicose i never thought of it as a big problem but recently i started woreying about it. I only told this to my 2 best friends, but i feel comftroble of talking about it to you people beicose you will get what I'm feeling. (Sry for bad grammar)",2 "Listening to the screams of my self as a child. It terrifies me to see the abuse in my mind. Not just in my mind tho, like the man on the street I see my child self staring back at me. I see myself sit there bruised and cut, crying on my bed I used to hide under.",3 "I swear I've done so much research and I've become so much more understanding of Asperger's but my husband is just so hard to deal with when he doesn't have weed. He doesn't smoke it like a fat blunt all at once, he basically uses it to self medicate and be able to tolerate the world. I usually kind of just shut down when he's out because he's constantly on edge and mad about everything. Any words of wisdom? Anything I can say to calm him down in those moments? Any advice from anyone who is married to someone with Asperger's or someone who has asperger's? I really wish I could view the world through his eyes for 5 minutes so I truly understood 😓 I wish he would try therapy or gabapentin or something but he won't because weed is so easy to access.",3 "Hi, A year ago I bought the Vibes earplugs because they came in several sizes. Problem is, the small size is still to big for me, I have very small ear holes. I can wear the Vibes if I readjust them often and don’t do anything « bumpy », they still reduce sound a little bit but not enough. Now I wish for earplugs I could wear while riding a bike or even better, being able to go to the swimming pool with my family. Does that even exist ? I saw the Loop ones on Amazon, they supposedly come with an XS size, have you got any experience with this brand ? Thanks.",3 "so i'm scared of getting laughed of and rejection. i really like socializing, but i feel like a burden and that i'm not enough for others. like they are cool, funny and better after all. i feel worse than others, so i'm scared of approaching them, cause i don't want to be desperate. i'm pretty. but turns out it's not enough anymore, even if i look amazing:((",1 hey so I have been on Vyvanse for about a week now as i was recently diagnosed with adhd. I unfortunately have lost my appetite almost completely this concerns me as I train for sports 6 days a week as I play at a relatively high level. is there any way to combat this rather than just force it down and feeling miserable while eating? any help or ideas is greatly appreciated.,0 "Denial. I got kicked out of my home when I was 15. Haven't told a soul about it for 10 years. Not because it was a dirty little secret, but because I was unable to acknowledge it. It was for my protection, you see. And that's just one example. Anger. Towards my mom for not being even remotely ready to raise a child. Towards my stepfather for years of emotional abuse. Towards bullies at school. And so many people mistreated me after I became an adult. Bargaining. What if... If only... I should've stood up to that fucking guy, talked to that girl I really liked. I guess it was my fault. Please God, if you could just give me a chance. If you could fix it somehow, you won't regret it, I swear. And I'm not even a Christian. Depression. I know every shade and shape. I know the loneliness and terror of a suicide attempt. The darkness swallows it all and leaves you a quivering wreck. Between life and death. Too weak to live, too afraid to die, you reside in a special kind of Limbo. Acceptance. I am at peace, it would seem. Or as close to peace as I can be. I introduced several healthy habits into my life in the last few months while limiting significantly the unhealthy ones. I learned to appreciate things I have and the people around me. I accepted everything that happened to me. There was nothing I could've done. Between Aspergers and so many unfortunate events... the path was set for me. And I'm scared sometimes it's just a temporary feeling, but something tells me it's not. Took me long enough, but they say it's never too late. I really need to thank my psychiatrist when I'll see her next time. Who would've thought that I'll be able to find a true professional in my little shitty town? Not only competent but empathetic too. And I've seen enough shrinks in my life to know that's not always the case.",3 I cant do anything right. My body is stupid. My thinking is stupid. I cant talk. I cant think. I cant socialize. Im a waste of space. Thats why I am failing school and an ugly mess. Because I'm stupid. No one wants to be friends or care for people like me. I don't even get why I am still here.,2 "**Tl;dr if you wanna skip the whole story: crash sucks. Lowered prescribed 40mg IR/day to 30mg IR/day, still having bad crash. I am inconsistent with it, so I'm wondering if maybe I should just try to be vigilant about taking it daily to see if that helps the crash not suck so badly, OR if this is just part of it and the crash will be this way even if I do get better about taking it every day. Can't afford Vyvanse, and XR didn't work for me. Sad.** I've been on Adderall IR (20mg, 2x day) for 6 months, now. I've been a bit inconsistent with it, so maybe this is totally my doing, but oh my god the crash at the end of the day sucks. I see this discussion a lot on this sub, so I'm sorry for screaming into an echo chamber. I've lowered my dose to 30mg/day instead of the 40mg I was initially prescribed (my psychiatrist knows I lowered it) because I felt I no longer needed the higher dose. I'm going to grad school next month, and wish to goodness I could try Vyvanse because I've seen so many good experiences on here, but I just cannot afford it. Adderall XR didn't work for me, so we stuck with the IR. I was diagnosed as primary ADHD, secondary depression & anxiety, and I can honestly say Adderall is the ONLY medication that has ever helped my depression and anxiety. I tried tons of antidepressants and anxiety meds from the time I was 18 until I got diagnosed with ADHD at 24, including different brands and dosages, and they never helped. Adderall doesn't give me a euphoric feeling or anything, it just mellows me out and makes me feel human/focused, but only for a chunk of the day and then it's back to crashing and feeling crappy. I can eat on while it now, which is great, but the crashing feeling is still an everyday thing. If I get more consistent with taking it, could the crash side effect potentially lessen? Or is this just a part of the whole thing? Should I continue to try and lower the dose and see if that helps?",0 I feel bad a lot and I constantly get the thought: “I can only feel real pleasure by doing drugs and nothing else”. Is this an intrusive though?,1 I think I have PTSD and so does my therapist. How do I know the difference between having a traumatic experience and having PTSD? Thank you guys <3,3 "Has anyone else felt a hard hitting wave that makes you feel lifeless? Like what the title says, a disconnect from reality. My eyes feel heavy and not attached to my body, I feel like I’m living in 3rd person. My lower chest hurts, near the tip of my sternum. The air begins to feel ‘musty’ and thick, FEELS hard to breath. Everything feels like a joke, nothing feels real when this occurs. This is what it would feel like if you soul left your body, it’s weird. Today at work I felt like I stopped dead in my tracks and my body kept moving. Everyone seemed to be so happy and completely unaware of life itself. I guess you could say they were ‘enjoying the moment’. I all of a sudden felt like these people have absolutely no clue at how much I hate myself, completely oblivious to the possibility of me disappearing and that no one would care either. Everyone would move on. I’m aware I am not the center of anything, in fact, I despise attention. Otherwise I’d tell family or friends about this, or at least tell them I don’t like myself. I almost wanna say this is like really bad anxiety? I’m so bad at explaining, I wish I could elaborate on this weird feeling/emotion.",2 "Will things ever get better? I mean, I’m not here seeking reassurance, I just need some hope. I think that’s why keeping me alive right now. If I know there’s no possibility of recovery for me, then I don’t think my life is worth living anymore. I don’t mean to be offensive. I’m just staring my very honest truth. I feel like I have the worst OCD content of all time...",1 "Hey everyone. I hope you are all doing well. I'm coming here for help. I have been dealing with depression for the last few years. Due to school and work I didn't even know I was depressed because of how busy I had been. This year though it has been especially bad. Like a downhill slope. I feel numb, I have no motivation to do anything. I don't care for anyone or anything. I have no love in my heart for myself or anyone around me. It really sucks. I use to be the most positive and optimistic person I knew. Literally nothing could get me down. I was so motivated. Now I'm stuck on the couch tired and endlessly scrolling social media hoping to get some form of motivation to spark within me. Has anyone in here been where I'm at and come back, and if so how? Having said all of that I don't have feeling of wanting to hurt myself or others. If i'm not numb I'm angry and have a short fuse though. I just want to get back to the way I use to be.",2 "right now, all I want is an older, good looking man to tell me that everything is going to be okay and that they are here for me. which is probably a dangerous thing to post.",2 "I think I’ve come to accept the that fact that I’ll be alone. I don’t think a relationship is in the cards for me. I don’t think I’m the type of person that knows how to function within one. I barely know how to trust my family. And then parts of me question if any of it is true. Or am I sick? I know I have depression, and anxiety — that’s just a fact. But it’s hard to separate what’s normal and what’s the illness when you’ve been this way your whole life. The bright spots start to feel like flukes. Happiness feels like a performance. My therapist keeps saying “you have a lot of shoulds, but what are your wants?” And to be honest, most days I just want to be left alone. To sit in the dark, wrapped in a blanket, and try to forget that there is a whole world outside. Some days I just want to disappear. To stop existing, because the weight of being alive feels unbearable at times.",2 Does anyone else fee extremely insecure in their relationship? My girlfriend of 2.5 years has never done anything to waiver my trust but I’m always terrified of her cheating on me. I never really cared about it until recently. We both go to university and She lives on campus while I don’t and she told me how she was hanging out with some other guys the other day in a friend group she made. I talk to other women and I’m fine with her talking to men but I don’t ever hang out with other women. I don’t want to feel controlling or demanding but when she said she was hanging out with other guys I’ve had a panic attack ever since then and I feel awful. Is there any advice any one has on how not to feel this way? Does anyone else fee this way? I don’t want to say that I’m uncomfortable with her around guys because half of the population is men and it’s unrealistic but I always feel terrible every time.,3 "So I have tried atomoxetine for a while and it did nothing. Now I have got prescribed methylphenidate which was actually very hard to find and now one month later it is available. Now I am little afraid that it might not do anything. What should I expect and what should I do so that it can help me better. Also something I like to mention is that, caffeine doesn't do anything for me is it a problem because it is kind of stimulant, I know not effective as methylphenidate but still. I have taken advice from my doctor but want to know from people taking it. I am super excited and afraid.",0 "I had OCD symptoms as a kid age 5 (urges and release of face and stomach, limb muscles) I thought I outgrew it age 10ish…I’m 35 today I’m battling some addiction issues (cannabis mostly but also alcohol) and am realizing I’m physically very uncomfortable at times especially when I’m tired. I thought it was restless leg syndrome but I’m starting to believe my OCD symptoms never really went away like I thought. I think there’s a link. I’m a bit freaked out by this and mainly want my addiction better but just honestly I’m realizing I’m miserable Every night with a strange muscle affliction. Where do I go for help a quick google search led me to NOCD an online therapist",1 "Currently very down right now, i can feel myself adjusting and being numb (again) and probably would end up doing auto pilot with everything for the whole month. Im tired, emotionally , mentally and physically. I wanna have a break from this stress but everything is a blur. I need a friend i can cry on to.",2 Or at least something I can do or think about to stop my intrusive thoughts so I can do the things I want to do without worrying about my loved ones dying?,1 "So, one of my friends is a heavy pot smoker. I’ve tried pot a few times, it’s not for me. My body goes into a panic, my heart starts to race. I sweat, and feel dehydrated as if my organs are shutting down. Not sure if anyone else has had this reaction…. My question… has anyone tried CBD? Has anyone had less than pleasant reactions? I was told that it relaxes you. Is it an intoxicating relaxation? I’m thinking about trying OCD as a form of therapy, but afraid of crazy side effects.!",1 "Unsure why I'm posting this... Perhaps people can relate or something. Just need to vent. Ugh.. I successfully did ERP for the past couple of weeks and I just relapsed and spent the whole day (12 hours and counting) doing compulsions non-stop. I didn't even eat anything or go out 😔😔 Back to square one.",1 "Its just getting worse. I'm getting more careless. It feels like I really do not care anymore and like I might have apathy or something. I just lay in bed, doctor recently told me I might be having some issues with my internal organs that requires a stricter diet, so I did so for like a week. Then suddenly got depressed again and now I'm not putting in effort anymore. My grades are pretty shit I might fail the semester. I don't even think I'm capable of graduating at this rate. I'm almost 18 with no job experience. At first it was just about letting myself adjust because I was too nervous and anxious, now it's developed into straight up not giving a shit about it even though I know it's bad. I just can't get myself to do anything. I don't get motivated by other people. I see people I admire and I just think ""wow they're doing so much and they're so cool. They've always been so cool. Even with their mistakes and stuff they still keep going. I REALLY CANT DO THAT IG I COULD NEVER "" and it makes me even more depressed. I'm falling apart and everything around me is falling apart. I do feel bad but it's just so hard to try to do anything. I'm already hopeless. Why would I try to do anything when I genuinely can't imagine anything good happening? It'll all just get worse. I've been rawdogging these thoughts for a little bit because Ive lost everyone I used to be able to talk to about these things. I think I'm being lied to by my friends, I'm not sure if it's just my paranoia but they really just aren't talking to me anymore while hanging out with other people, and I might as well not even be dating my gf anymore because she rarely talks to me due to being busy with school. I'm not mad at them or see it as a betrayal or anything. I'm just sad because everything changes regardless of what happens and I'm left behind due to me being a dumbass and not caring enough. That makes sense. I can't talk to my mom because I'm like an adult baby. I know I'm not even 18 yet but it just feels that way. I can't do anything for her so it's terrible expecting anything from her. I just stay in my room all day and can't manage to do chores. I rather just die but I'd be a huge burden if I died due to expenses and not knowing how to plan it out. All I can do is listen to sad music in my shitty health hazard room and cry in my bed. I know I can start bettering myself at any time. I can clean my room now but I've just become so afraid of the endless cycle of being able to do things for a couple of days, and then abruptly being absolutely drained and depressed. I might as well not do anything.",2 New to this sub (and created a new Reddit account for this purpose). Recently been told by a psychologist that he is 'confident' that I would meet the criteria for diagnosis. I've found it hard to accept myself as I am and i've accepted that I have traits (and have also been told by a different professional that I probably have ADHD) which could make sense as I know that some traits overlap. Hoping to chat to other people who are in a similar stage pre-diagnosis and meet other like-minded people on the spectrum!,3 "I don't have too difficult of a time initiating casual friendships but i can't seem to maintain intimacy with anyone. I just feel so exhausted and defeated that socializing often feels futile or like an insurmountable challenge. I hate myself for my intrusive thoughts and often feel like others ""can tell"" that I'm a bad person so I avoid them. Or other times I'm just so burnt out from my obsessions and compulsions that I have no energy to socialize. Sometimes I have to leave social setting abruptly to do a compulsion so I feel like over the years I developed a status as somewhat of a social background character so I can float in and out without being questioned.",1 "Hi, hello. I've been diagnosed not so long ago with adhd (the whole thing, inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity) and I am in an art school. I do decent, average art but the thing that bothers me it that teachers keep telling me that basically ""it has potential but it needs to be more clean"" and it's true that my art is kinda messy. And I work a lot and try my best all the time but I always end up with this comment. Is that something recurrent with people who do art and have adhd? I'm not medicated but i'm thinking about trying to have some medication because ""aaaah, life"" . I saw some people who took medication and had their art ""improve"" (don't really like that word but since it's what is asked of me, don't see another word) in the way that it became more precise kinda but i would like to know if it's like... common? (I like my messy artstyle but if my adhd is messing with my school stuff in that way, I would like to know to stop beating and stressing myself over it and find a way to fix this thing at least for school (and later work)) So tldr: artsy people, did you have an issue with making ""clean"" art? Did you at some point took medication or went into some kind of therapy and saw some changes?",0 Just wondering if anybody with the above themes can DM me? I just want to feel less alone…,1 "It's actually been really useful for helping identify patterns and triggers! I can tag how I'm feeling, what activities I've been up to, and then add notes, and the app keeps track of all of this data and offers it up in chart format. It's been helping me to pick out cycles in my mood and behavior that I hadn't been seeing! I've customized it to be just how I want it, and it's really helped me commit to daily journaling. The app I'm using is called Daylio, in case anyone is interested :)",3 "Hi all! New to this forum but happy to be here! I’m in my early 30s and was just clinically diagnosed. I had no idea I had ADHD until I happened to see a TikTok video about adult ADHD and the person was literally describing me. I then fell down a rabbit hole of researching and felt so…validated?!? I did great throughout school, but all of the dysfunctioning components of ADHD have always been my downfall. Time and time again, for really as long as I can remember, all the nasty little elements of ADHD have been who I am. I’ve always felt as though something was off, but attributed my behavior to just who I am. I’ve always struggled with self-image. I’m a highly motivated, hard working individual, yet my executive dysfunction can paint a different picture for some. Anywho, I finally presented my “discovery” to my telepsych I’ve been seeing for a bit and she confirmed I have ADHD. She asked me to set up an appointment in a month to discuss treatment options as my time was up. Fine! So excited to get meds to get my life in order! Well. Tonight the telepsych says I can pursue a stimulant or a non-stimulant medication, but either way I need to see an in-person clinician for the prescription. Um, I was hoping to get meds TODAY to get my life in order. But, alas. Ugh. So now I’m frustrated and feeling overwhelmed, as I don’t currently have a PCP or psych I see. Now that I have this diagnosis, I’m thrilled! But the hoops I need to jump through are intimidating. Advice on stimulant vs. non stimulant?",0 "I have a variety of things I want to work on besides uni/college coursework and if I get a job. 1)Learning a chosen language 2) A creative writing project 3) Research for a Novel I'd like to write someday and 4) German Grammar Practice 5) Learning to draw people since I bought a book for that lol 6) Reading for pleasure So looking at it it's quite a lot to manage. But I've been in a lethargic state for years. I feel I'm kinda getting out of it maybe? But either way I'm sick of not making time for ny own hobbies or enjoyment. For yall out there how do you try and balance hobbies and work/college life?",3 "(I have a diagnosis for OCD, but I wasn’t able to tell them) I’m scared for what if I anger them with bringing up a topic they didn’t like, what if I get punished? I know I have to do this. It’s been nagging at me for months. My OCD even focused on this. It was a mistake for both sides as I didn’t give enough detail, meaning what I said didn’t sound like OCD. I want this nagging feeling of explaining myself to end. I plan to tell them tomorrow.",1 "For context, I’m 25 and haven’t had an issue holding jobs. The only ones I quit were 1. Phone sales.. yeah no. 2. Working in unemployment during Covid. So we had 10x the work. The job itself was never ending and you were never “done” because you were supposed to help others once you got yours taken care of. I’m just afraid. Even though I don’t have a ton of issues working and it’s my anxiety that gets to me, I just want to hold a steady job without it being such a huge ordeal. I don’t plan on having children, or getting married. So I can afford to be a bit all over the place since my expenses will be low. But still... I don’t think regular people understand what it takes for us just to get through a day sometimes, let alone a week or month. I try so hard and it’s a constant battle. It’s exhausting.",3 "Sorry, I just need somewhere to vent, I hope here is okay. Obligatory warning that English is my second language, posting on mobile, all that stuff. TL;DR: My neighbour thinks I'm rude, I tried to tell her I have autism and she went ballistic. I had a fight with my neighbour these past days. On Saturday, I met 2 of her daughters and politely asked them something. They must have misunderstood me (or lied), because on Sunday, my neighbour texted me , accusing me of lashing out at her children. I texted back that I didn't, and wrote something like ""why would I do that, I have never been unfriendly to your kids"". She texted back saying I was very unfriendly and that I hadn't greeted her when we passed each other on the street lately. Oh no, here we go... I've been in a very stressful situation lately (being bullied at my last job, which led to me being FIRED because ""I just don't fit into the team"", which led to a phase of extreme depression and anxiety about finding employment, so that was fun.) Now I have a new job, and adjusting to a new workplace is just so exhausting for me, especially since my new colleagues are also very unfriendly and I am still traumatized from what happened before. So most days, I come back from work exhausted, and I don't even really realize what happens around me any more. Plus, I'm super anxious about catching the 'rona , and so I typically , even if I notice people I know, I try not to stop and talk to them of I can avoid it. Since my neighbour and her kids don't take social distancing serious, I may have walked past her and just said a short hello, when before covid, I would have stopped for a chat. So I tried to tell her that I have kept my distance because of the pandemic, and that I am also autistic, which means that I sometimes don't realize when someone greets me, especially if I am exhausted and depressed. I even apologized for my behaviour and asked her to just text me if she thinks I'm being rude and we can work it out. She would have NONE of it. She went completely ballistic and left me voice messages saying that I am lying, because her daughter is also autistic, and we are clearly not the same, and if I am autistic I would not have been able to go to college or get a driver's license, and that autism is not a joke and I am a bad person for lying about it. I tried to tell her that autism is a spectrum and that your intelligence doesn't have to be affected by it, but she was furious. She then told me she would report me because I drive, and autism means you can't drive unless you go through special testing (?) I've never heard of that and replied that she should go ahead and report me, but that it won't do anything. I also told her to please calm down. She said she does not believe me, and that she is allowed to lash out because SHE has BPD, a REAL diagnosis, unlike me, who is a liar. I then replied that I also have a written BPD diagnosis, but that I don't use it as an excuse to be aggressive. (I was misdiagnosed with BPD before I learned I have autism). At which point she sent me a voice message screaming at me that she will punch me to death (I have that saved, of course). I guess I know who I won't be reconnecting with after the pandemic..... So basically, I fight each day to survive a confusing and hostile work environment and come home to being insulted and threatened by my neighbour. yay!",3 "She said she doesn’t know how to help me anymore. I fed very alone, scared and I think I might have given up.",2 "A few days ago, I replied to a comment in this sub. *It's hard, because I look back on moments from my childhood and think ""wow, that seems very autistic, why did nobody notice?"" but then I feel like a phony when I don't meet certain traits. I'm constantly flipping between ""yes, I'm pretty sure I'm autistic"" to ""what if I'm not?"" I'm also sorting out which traits are ASD and which are ADHD (which I know for sure I have because my dad does),or is it only ADHD?* People seemed to like it and indicated they felt the same way. I know it's pretty common for those who are undiagnosed/diagnosed late to feel like faux autists, but for those who think they have both ASD and ADHD, it adds a whole extra layer. Anyone else suffer the confusion I do? Before I found out I have ADHD, I was constantly flipping back and forth between ""yes, autistic"" and ""what if I'm not? What if it's something else."" Once ADHD was added to the mix, I have the added bonus of parsing out which traits are ASD, which are ADHD, how they may or may not affect me, and on top of that can all of my symptoms only be explained by ADHD? But my executive dysfunction is so bad, maybe it's the combination of both that contributes to my inability to function in society. UGH! Anyone else feel this way?",3 "3 years ago I was sexually assaulted by a close friend from an extremely tight-knit group of friends at a party my freshman year at an elite music conservatory. I reported it to the school and was basically called a drunk slut unable to properly recall what happened. I left because I was in a downward spiral and was going to kill myself and was self-harming and not taking care of myself. I want nothing more than to move on from it all. I thought one way to move on was to help out a friend-of-a-friend who is a journalism student at my old school who was writing a report on the title ix department there. I was happy to oblige but it became all too much and one night while I was very drunk, I decided to look for some documentation he had asked for, and everything came spiraling back and I began inconsolably crying. For hours, I cried so hard that I woke up my roommate. The thing is, that was the first time I even approached anything close to processing my trauma. I have been in therapy since I was 15 and especially since I was assaulted, but I’ve never been able to catharize the deep, conflicting emotional hang ups I have with the friends I sorely, sorely miss; the assaulter whom I can never really escape without shutting out any person from that extremely tightly knit group of friends; the youth/naïvety/innocence I had before all of that. I just want to cry about it, but I’ve compartmentalized and can’t soberly, healthily access the emotional capacity required to let out the anguish, confusion, anger, longing, isolation, desperation, and all of the half-discernible emotions that lie in between. I’m not sure what I’m hoping to get out of Reddit from this but all of my friends, who *have* helped me through this, are asleep and I’m too anxious to follow suit and needed a place to vent.",3 "Most of my ADHD peeps know that caffeine effects most of us differently than others. I never drank it as an adult, because it'd just make me sleepy, but my mom would give it to me as a child to keep me calm. My ADHD boyfriend is hooked on energy drinks. I was confused, because we would drink coffee before bed to sleep, but energy drinks kept him level. So, I tried one. Holy spit. So I have BAD anxiety. So does he. He... Self medicates, if ya get my drift, but I have medication for it. Medication that I cannot take at work. But this holy grail of drinks chilled me the HECK out. I have amphetamines to take, which I do, and they level me a bit, but both together? Heavenly. I can talk normally to people, where before I would freeze up. I can stand up for myself when someone is being unfair. I can live without underlying stress or fear and I am LOVING it. It's euphoric. It's so good it feels like I'm doing something illegal. It really feels great. Is this how normal people feel? Seriously, unreal.",0 "my mother forced me to get a job as a housekeeper and it is driving me absolutely insane. im a housekeeper for a retirement community thingy and im obsessed with the idea that everyone here who's house i clean might have hiv/aids. i am constantly putting on hand sanitizer and washing my hands and even up my arms to my elbows etc and i cannot get this idea out of my head. im not allowed to quit and going in causes me so much mental stress that i want to just die. im sitting here waiting to be picked up crying because of how this is impacting my mental health and it doesnt help that the traffic is really severe right outside of the neighborhood rn, i'm stuck here and i cant even take a shower. how do i get this feeling OFF OF ME because i cant do this anymore.",1 "Hello everyone! I am a neurotypical teenager and a few months ago I became friends with a girl my age who has Asperger's Syndrome. I only know because she casually mentions it from time to time, otherwise I wouldn't tell. Up until now, I treated her just like all of my NT friends and never talked with her about the Syndrome. Should I continue doing so? How can I make her feel more welcome? Thanks in advance for all the replies!",3 "I am a living exemplar of what not to do in life. The only reliable way to live life is to prioritize your foundational elements above all. Your sleep, nutrition, hygiene, activity, companionships, and spirit are so critical to a good life. Yet, they are fragile and hard to rebuild, and most of us here weren't gifted them at birth. That's literally it. If you strive for and maintain these elements, then at the very least your life will be steady enough to keep moving forward. It will only be freak accidents that you would need to deal with like losing your legs. You would suffer for the rest of your life but its bearable with a good foundation. There would be less freak accidents too, because you have so much going for you. Lost love, academic failure, death of a family member, social circle destruction, etc. these all suck, but they're not freak accidents for a life with foundation. But for someone who is teetering on the edge of existence their whole lives, it's traumatic. And your mind breaks eventually. All that's left for me is to detach myself from this world. Either spiritually or physically.",2 "I recently got a hold of my medical records for other reasons and found out my psychologist had ptsd listed as a diagnosis but hadn’t talked to me about it at all. I don’t know why, and I don’t know how to bring it up to her. I kinda thought I might have it but getting diagnosed always seemed so complicated I never pursued a diagnosis. Now I’m here and I don’t know what to feel. Relieved that I was right? Worried about why she didn’t tell me? I feel conflicted because I feel like I’m just starting to get control of my anxiety, depression, and adhd. And now I have something else to deal with too.",3 "My Dr put me on 5mg of lexipro. He said it would take 4 to 6 weeks to start working. I took my first pill today and later on in the day was laughing and smiling at things I haven't before. Is it possible it's working already? This doesn't make sense to me.",2 "Does anyone feel like everything is just too hard? Some days it’s really easy to just be at peace with being different and being comfortable but then everything just completely overwhelms you and you realise how shit it is to find everything so difficult. It’s not even that I don’t know it’s ok to be different it’s just that I really don’t want to be cause things would be easier. Not sure the flair is exactly what I’m after just needed to share really..",0 how can i convince him to be sober before he destroys his brain?,3 "Hi everyone, I’m looking to make two sets of speakers and amps for two brothers. One brother has Aspergers and sensitivity to certain sounds. I’d like to keep both sound systems as similar as possible to avoid favouritism. To my understanding, sound sensitivity isn’t particularly well defined and there are no hard-and-fast rules on what sounds pleasant and what is grating to someone with Aspergers. He seems to be particularly sensitive to high frequency and tinny sound. Those singing birthday cards are a great example. They definitively belong in room 101. I was thinking of filtering out frequencies above 13Khz as there’s not much musical information above that. Only pain, misery and Eeeeeeeeeeeee I was also thinking of putting in a small filter to lower the volume of sibilant sounds like cymbals and those hissy S, F and K vocal sounds. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated. What sounds are you sensitive to? What fatigues your ears? They are both very in love with music and I want them both to enjoy music to the fullest as I did at their age. Thanks!",3 "I’ve dealt with Harm OCD and fear of being a bad person for a good while now. Probably going on 8-9 months. I’ve started 25mg of Zoloft daily about a month ago and I’ve noticed that I do feel a little better, but some days my anxiety still gets bad. And on that point I also wanna mention that I have a pretty high level of general anxiety as well. I tend to always fear the worst and my biggest fear in life is the idea of going crazy and nothing can help you. Anyway, to the point of this post. Some days my OCD and anxiety convince me that I’m this horrible person that likes/wants these thoughts. It always makes me feel like shit and puts me into a pretty bad mood. I also tend to obsess over whether or not what I said or how I said something makes me a bad person, and that’s my moral scrupulosity. The two kind of go hand in hand with me, and my moral scrupulosity makes me do weird shit. For example, if I go to open a door with my right hand my brain will tell me “If you open that with your right hand then you’re a bad person who wants these thoughts” and this usually prompts me to open it with my left hand. I talked with my counselor about it and she said the key was to break that habit and resist because even if I do use my left hand to open that door, it doesn’t actually mean anything. But recently, I’ve started to question my morals and whether or not I’d care if one of my family members died. So now my brain is telling me “If you do x then you want your mom to get hurt or die.” And it creates this high level of anxiety. The other day I was putting underwear on when my mind said “If you put your left leg through your underwear and push down hard on the floor with your foot, you want your mom to die.” So I put my leg through and stepped down but then I felt myself push down a little harder than usual. I immediately freaked out and am now in a full on panic. I’m scared and I don’t want anyone in my family to die of anything in any way. I hate the idea of death. Always have. If everyone could live forever, part of me would immediately accept it. What’s going on???",1 "Is it common behavior for the desire to associate with others to fade as a person with ASD gets older? I’m not referring to discomfort from social situations, but rather the entire concept of wanting to interact with others normally. I’ve spent countless years attempting to blend with society by observing their norms and trying to replicate them. But over the past few years I’ve noticed that I let it all go. I found myself in leadership and management positions for 10 years straight now and besides my wife, total isolation. I didn’t associate with the people that worked for me and now that I’m back in schooling I have found no desire to interact with anyone. But I feel content with it. The only thing that is concerning is me questioning whether this is a step backwards. Should I be okay with complete mental isolation or is this a negative thing that I am just unable to see is negative?",3 "okay strange situation. i have 3 past abusers and they all live round my area. it’s rare that i see them however when i do-it fucking ruins me for months. i was getting quite confident with my driving, did about 15 lessons or what not. was out in the car one day with my mam (she was driving) and i saw one of my abusers. this has completely put me off driving. if i see them in person i can run away, if i see them on the bus, i can get off the bus pretty soon (if not i just close my eyes and try by best not to make a scene). driving however, i would completely lose control of the car and myself. i don’t know what to do about this",3 "I don't know if this should be here, so please remove if it's in the wrong sub. Today is one of those days where I'm tired. Of everything. I go to therapy and work hard to change things, I'm medicated, and I try to be more positive in my life and outlook. And yet, I still can't feel happy. I still just want to fade away into nothingness. I hate this fucking disorder. I hate how all it's designed to do is pull you down, and make you feel like nothing, and we are expected to just keep pushing. I hate that it's apparently unacceptable to my job to be like ""I can't mentally handle the day and cannot work."" I'm sitting at my station trying to hold back tears because I just can't do it anymore. I want to give up and sink. It feels selfish and childish, but I'm tired of acting like everything's okay and I'm not one bad day away from swallowing the box of xacto knifes at my desk. Does anyone else deal with the frustration? How do you cope? Because I really do feel like I'm spiraling out of control",2 "We are pretty sure my 5 year old has ADHD. He is impulsive, “busy”, argues a lot, struggles to follow directions, struggles to finish any kind of table work independently, and experiences strong emotions that are hard for him to move on from-all in comparison to children his own age. He also has a number of sensory sensitivities that make daily life a challenge for him. Full-day kindergarten takes a toll on him. I do get frustrated with him and sometimes I feel like I need to be tougher and more punitive. Then I remember it’s probably the last thing that he needs and worn address any of his struggles. I try to do a lot of social-emotional teaching when he is calm. Things like social stories, zones of regulation, and strategies for focusing. We also give him a lot of time to play outside and to explore his interests. He loves math and sports. What did you need from your parent when you were a young kid? What helped you learn about how to operate in various social contexts? If you didn’t use medication (or even if you did), what helped you to self-regulate?",0 "I am currently writing am extremely detailed morning and evening routine (get up, sit up, drink water, take medicine, go to the bathroom, etc.) And I was thinking ""hmm is this overkill? I feel like I'd remember to stand"" Then I get up to make dinner and I take my medication. Literally five minutes after taking the medication, I look at the time and go into a small panic bc I thought I forgot to take the medication. The ONLY thing that kept me from getting another pill is that I can feel the pill going down my tube. So I'm celebrating that I am aware of my body enough to keep myself from overdosing lol ADHD man 🤣 Note: I forgot that this is the reason I got one of those pill organizers haha",0 "My mind is very cloudy. Writing is a grind. I feel like nothing I say flows well. I apologize if this is hard to read. [When I was 14 I got sexually involved with a man in his 40s.](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/85qtwh/my_ex_tattooed_my_name_on_his_arm_after_i_left/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) He abused and harassed me for 10 years. It’s over now, but I’m 25. A quarter of my life is gone and I’m nowhere. I had plans. I had dreams. I don’t believe I’ll ever be able to achieve them. I have no grit; my core is weak. The world is incredibly competitive and cold. I’m no match for it. I’m a loser. I don’t like to blame other people for my problems. I don’t believe that my abuser made me a loser. I take complete ownership for my life, so I blame myself for everything. It’s difficult to find motivation to push forward. I’m too far behind. My future feels as murky and undefined as my past. I don’t want to compare myself to the people around me, but I know that the people closest to me judge me. I recently confided with my best friend who accused me of over-exaggerating my pain. I feel like my therapist felt the same way. I want to fight them, but I can’t... what if they’re right? Maybe I’m just a lousy person. I don’t feel comfortable around anyone. I can’t get comfortable in my own mind. Sometimes it feels like other people can read my mind. I can’t relax. I feel like my chest is exposed. I feel dirty. Everything is dirty.",3 "Or any meds for that matter I am so swamped with school it's like I can literally do nothing else but sit at my screen for 12 hours a day. Because of course, my symptoms were so bad this month that of course I wasn't able to get things done ahead of time. So of course, I naturally left working on a 5k word paper and 10k work group paper to the week before they were due (last week), then putting me behind on the work I have due this week. I have been staying up till 2-4am for the last week now, and I swear that I'm so strung out that the meds are the only thing keeping me standing. I had a small exhaustion cry this morning before they kicked in, and then suddenly the tiredness becomes a full ache. Cause under the 'oh yeah I can feel the meds keeping me focused and motivated' I can feel the deep, deep exhaustion and burnout welling up. A burnout that that going to take me out for days as soon as I finish the 2 papers I have due this tonight. A burnout that is going to put me behind on all the things that are due next week. Not to mention that the meds + hyperfocus keeping me so wired in that I'm not looking after myself properly. Remembering to have regular meals and showering has become super hard. I wish I could just press pause on life sometimes. I need a f****** break.",0 "I've heard some people say one has compulsions, the other doesn't, but then there's people with pure o who dont always have rituals, or if they do they're hidden. What diagnostically is different?",1 "So I have Pure-O, and two of my biggest compulsions are fantasizing and mental rehearsal. They're different in that the former is more about fictional situations/characters/plots and the latter is about theoretical, real potential situations I could find myself in, but the two can sometimes blend a little bit (perhaps they're both offshoots of rumination?). The compulsive fantasizing is more about escape/distraction and the mental rehearsal is more about preparation/self-analysis, but they both involve generating unrealistic situations in my head that I will get stuck in. Time just disappears. I will sit or stand in the most random places (though I've noticed it's not completely random...I seem to have ""favorite"" random spots) and realize I haven't moved a muscle in half an hour. I can get extremely emotional during these episodes...the emotions depend on the content of the imagined situation, but regardless of what it is it feels very real, as though whatever it was had actually happened in real life. Sometimes it feels almost like I'm hypnotizing myself. Does anyone have any advice on how to break out of these kinds of compulsions?",1 "It can be extremely disabilitating for some and mildly for others. Everyone I know with it- friends and family- all have some sort of support at school for it. Of the adults outside of school that I know, holding a job is difficult so they get disability payments",3 "I grew up being unappreciated & humiliated by my parents. Lost my self esteem. But all my teachers, lecturers, managers who knew me said I have potentials & I could go beyond. Idk what to feel. I just wish my parents saw my potentials just as much my teachers/lecturers/managers saw my potentials. My parents keep criticizing my decision even if i make good decisions. It’s just so tiring.",3 "Hi all, I would love some feed back. My family and I are based in Ireland. My wife was diagnosed with CPTSD about 2 years ago. Unfortunately here in Ireland getting access to suitable therapies is not easy atall (was offered ECT yet sensory therapy or EMT not available). I have been trying to make the family home and her transition back as smooth as possible. I think a psycheatric service dog would make a world of a difference to her. But suprise suprise no such training exsist here. So I am looking to study in order to learn to train one for us aswell as for other in simmiler circumstances. Someone's got to be the first to bring psychiatric service dogs to Ireland and I don't want to wait until that time comes so maybe I could get that ball rolling. So what does it take to officially be able to train as a trainer (in Europe would be best for obvious reasons). Really any advice would be appreciated. Thanks so much.",3 "I’m triggered at the moment. I want to fix it, I want to cause myself to forget it. But I can’t. Is there anyone who could use a friend right now?",3 "I’m new to this community, only having recently been diagnosed with PTSD. My ptsd comes from my mom growing up. She constantly criticized and heavily berated me for making mistakes in school/life in general. She would ask me why I kept making careless mistakes, or why I wasn’t getting an assignment. She would also be loving one minute and then avoidant the next. I get so much anxiety when I make mistakes. I now know adhd and Bipolar 2 disorder are in the picture as well. I’m still searching for medication that might help. The point of all of this is that my boss is triggering all of these feelings I used to have with my mom. At the start of my job she instantly began calling out my mistakes in an angry, judgmental, and then avoidant manner. I shut down when she does this, and then I feel like I begin to make more mistakes the more she does it. I’m so hard on myself and constantly second guess myself. Any advice other than quitting? (I would like to quit, but really need the money until after I secure the loan for buying my house)",3 "what am i even supposed to do, me and my best friend are stuck together like glue, and i’m in love with her. She is giving me so many mixed signals everyday, she’ll hug me, tell me she loves me, but she’ll call me “bestie”. I am afraid to tell her i like her because if she doesn’t feel the same way idk what i would do with myself without her, sometimes she messages me might time about other guys and will say something like “i need a guy who’s nice and who’s not going to fuck around with me”. Sometimes i feel as if she’s hinting at me, but i can never tell for sure. I can’t just keep suffering everyday without her knowing why, and i definitely do not have the nerve to tell her, help please.",2 "I’m a survivor of sexual assault and had a particularly rough therapy session today, one that left me very raw. Are there any shows or movies you watch on bad days like this? Part of me knows I need a big laugh, another part of me knows I need to cry it out.. especially because I have a hard time allowing myself to cry. Any ideas on what to watch with zero triggers, lots of laughs, and potential for a good (cathartic) cry? Odd request, I know, but I would so appreciate any suggestions.",3 "my mom tends to get upset with me for taking too long to get ready, even though i’ve explained to her many times how that is largely outside of my control. my aunt has told me that she thinks that i just don’t have any mental strength and i use ocd as an excuse. other family members have told me that i don’t really have ocd because i don’t do certain things in stereotypical ways. some family members have gone out of their way to trigger my ocd because they find it funny. anyone else deal with things like this?",1 "This is my obsession that tortures me for over a month already and I can't start recovery work because of it (I'm helping myself without a therapist 😔). I looked in every legit website, therapists on YouTube, etc. if it says there's intrusive feeling, and all of them are so unclear for me. My obsession is what if you really did something wrong, you forgot something important, etc. because you have intrusive feeling first like feeling of doubt and it triggers an intrusive thought?. Because I just saw a website and it says intrusive thoughts trigger intrusive feeling. PS can you please 🙏give me a legit website, etc. that it says there's intrusive feeling pls pls pls just this to start my recovery work. Btw I do often experience feeling of doubt and the intrusive thoughts will follow. I'm about to lose hope and kill myself 😢 Edit: I edited a lot so can you read it again if you don't mind.",1 I’ve been in recovery now for about a year and 4 months and it’s been really smooth (I’ve obviously had a few bad periods of time here and there but nothing I couldn’t deal with) until last weekend. I don’t know what happened and I don’t know what triggered it but I suddenly started having really terrible anxiety to the point where my sleep was disturbed by really intense waves of panic. It hasn’t been this bad for a really long time (even before I started erp) it seems to have gone away for now but I genuinely can’t put my finger on what triggered it and I’m terrified of it starting up again and me losing all the progress I’ve made in the last year. I’ve been doing subliminals to help calm it down and they seem to work really well but everything is just so uncertain and I hate it I genuinely thought it wasn’t a problem anymore but now I’m doubting everything,1 "When I get overwhelmed, it's very difficult to control my emotions, I've cried in public sometimes. I'm not sure if it could be a kind of meltdown.",3 "Hey Today I talked with online Psychiatrist bc I didn't know good one in my city and anxiety. I said him all things that comes to mimd then he asked ""do you feel depression?"" And I said yes even I thought about sucide. I talked about concentration, anxiety... all thing. But he said you are bipolar not ADHD. I said but I couldn't do my works I couldn't study I forgot everything I allways write in calendar or put my things in specific place to don't lost. He gave me a medicine and said don't use it everyday. He gave me other medicins for anxiety and depression. Now I feel he didn't diagnosis me right. I feel sad, overthinking. Maybe he gave me wrong medicines what I should do? Why I couldn't trust? HELP ME PLZ!!!",0 "Greetings. I have suspected I have ASD for some time now, and the meeting with a doctor to determine my status is coming in the morning. I am really nervous I will mask and not get accurate results. The meeting is online, and I haven't been through anything like this before. Any advice?",3 "My life is so much fixing the shambles I'm not even sad anymore. My dog pancake died about two months ago. My birthday was on the twelfth. I just don't feel anymore. I been so depressed since I gained consciousness. It's like if I'm not in pain something is wrong. I can't feel happy when I do something is wrong. When people are nice to me it's like something is wrong. Why are you being nice? I'm used to being sad it seems that I like it strangely. Like it's a comforting home. If I'm not sad something is wrong. I feel impending doom that's the best way I can put it. Something wrong is bound to happen. If life has been going well, that's a bad sign",2 "The last year has been by far the worst year of my life just going on the amount of bad stuff that's happened. But it's also had some good points. It's pushed me to really look at myself hard and learn why I suffer so badly with some things. Until this year I had no idea that this bubble I was living in was called Dissociation. I had no idea that these horrendous feelings I get are actually panic attacks. I had no idea what ACEs were or that I have a collection of most of them. I had no idea that I was stonewalling my partner in conflicts because of how easily overwhelmed I get. And I had no idea that all of this would be triggered worse than ever when I lost one of my parents who contributed most to my childhood traumas. So this year has been an utter cold turd!!! But it pushed me into therapy that I desperately needed and it inspired me to really learn about mental health, to better understand myself and other people. So yeah... I'm not grateful for all the pain. But, (famous last words) I'm grateful it can't get any worse.",3 "Trigger warning: mentions r*pe At a young age I was introduced to sexual activities from my older brother and sister, with the PTSD I have I cannot recall what exactly happened but my sister did apologize for her actions (I said it was justified because our uncle used to r*pe her so she never knew any better.) I was constantly being prodded, toyed with, and even r*ped. To this day my vagina has been so abused that it's essentially mutilated (it can be incredibly uncomfortable). I look in the mirror and it's just a constant reminder of the things that happened, and it's so disturbing to me. I'm almost 18 so I've been considering cosmetic surgery for it so I could maybe, just maybe, experience something sexual without being repulsed at myself (side note: how is circumcision for adults so much cheaper than vaginal reconstruction??). I haven't even visited an OBGYN because I have 0 clue how to explain this, I don't hold them accountable.. only my uncle but he has a kid now and I really don't want to take away a father from a child or have that child growing up as someone who thinks their dad is a villain. Not really looking for medical advice but more on your guy's opinion on the situation and how to go about coping..",3 "Anyone thinks the consequences of the actions he will take in life? My ocd latches on them and makes me an anxious growing snowball. How the fuck can live while struggling with this bitch ocd. Fuckkkk, Anyone?",1 "I'm 17 diagnosed with aspergers at 9 but then aspergers became asd when I was 11 here in the US due to dsm 5. I am very high functioning. I also am extremely intelligent and aware of my incapabilites. I have a 151 iq I am also a intj personality type. But the issue is I'm fucking miserable because I have no friends, because 17 year old shit bores the fuck out of me. The drama and all that shit is just stupid. Everytime I have a conversation trying to make friends I can't I burn out from spewing literal shit out of my mouth and break down. I'm going to college. I join one of the prospective Facebook groups for where I'm going I post a post of my best pics get 10 likes where as everybody else gets greater than 50, I'm not a bad looking person attractiveness wise at all. It's just I can't deal with this disorder. I can't fit in. I have to dummy myself down to everyone I meet. How the fuck am I supposed to do this the rest of my life.",3 idk what else to add - i hope you're all doing well,3 "I currently take 60mg Prozac but I don’t feel like it’s working. I’m more confident in myself, but I feel like I’m in a daze (a high-energy daze). I still have intrusive thoughts, but less and they rarely spiral. I still obsessive over rearranging things, but now that I’m less depressed and have more energy, the compulsions for rearranging things have amped up. I’m very sensitive to the idea that I’m not productive. When I obsess, I pause and become uncomfortable, and dislike myself for not being productive (in addition to what’s happening). It feels very necessary to try to make my time awake mean something, so every day I’m compelled to be productive. There are a lot of Ys in the road where things can go wrong, and they do. I confront moral questions about how I interact with real space that make me physically unproductive. My whole day is me gauging if I’m literally doing and literally doing good. It’s incredibly stressful to me. I’ve been on Prozac for 4 months now. I feel like other medications could be better for me, but I don’t know what to look for. Having less intrusive thoughts is a huge relief, but being bound to this dialogue on the daily is tough. I feel like I need to calm down. Does Ativan help with OCD?",1 "My mom and dad argue every alternate night,my mom is very sick and weak still my dad beats her and makes us feel guilty for being financially dependent on him I've hypothyroidism and my mental health is already down the road I am crying while typing this I have great ambitions I aspired to become something really great in future I am good at studies,quite disciplined but because of my parents arguements I always endup in a depressed lonely place and because of which I am behind every class lecture homework portion.they say it gets better but it never does.i am giving up on everything.world was a nice place I wanted to visit countries meet people but I don't think I will ever be able to do that.",2 "Trying to see if there is anyone out there that can relate. I’m at a 27 year old Male. I’ve been in a relationship with an amazing woman for 10 years. She knows all about my story and my struggles and still chooses to be with me. Sees more in me than I do. I went to a small school. Graduating class of only about 14. About 7-8 girls and 6-7 boys. I wasn’t a very athletic kid. Did really well in baseball as a pitcher. Other boys in my class were more athletic and were bullies. I remember having friends up until about 5-6th grade. We would play with bionicles, Pokemon, draw. Those kids left for public school. Leaving the other boys in my class to bully me. There was this one boy in my class who would bully me in school, but outside of school was my “friend”. I remember it started out as “I will show you mine if you show me yours” which then escalated to sex. “What happens here, stays here” he used to tell me. “I’m sorry I pick on you in school. I need to keep up with my appearance with the other boys in our class”. I had a great time in High School. Dated a lot of girls. Never felt any sort of attraction towards men. What happened with this boy in 7-8 grade was my deepest secret. College came around and it was tough. I remember crying nights on end. Depressed, anxious and constantly asking myself am I gay? If I just have sex with a man will I feel better. Never had sex with a man. Not felt any attraction for men. Just always had this lingering thought. Finally saw a psychiatrist when I turned 20. Diagnosed with PTSD. Went on Zoloft and felt great for about 5 years. Recently started going down the rabbit hole again. Feeling depressed and anxious. Went to the hospital for suicidal thoughts. Asking myself that question. Looking at pics of attractive men on the internet trying to get some sort of reaction. But just feel empty. Anyone else out there experiencing/Ed something similar? I’m seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist currently. Thanks for reading.",3 "im gonna make a long story pretty short. about a month ago I had an incredibly severe panic attack. feeling of dying, digestive issues, intense shivering & fatigue, i actually had three of these and they all lasted 5+ hours. (i also didnt even know what panic attacks were.) after the last attack of this severity, I woke up the next day with complete numbness of my arms & legs. I could still walk & move them, just completely numb. I went to the hospital 3-4 days later and the doctor found nothing wrong in bloodwork, did a strength test which I did flawless on. So he said I have anxiety, gave me a 1mg dose of Ativan and I went home. over the past month ive been to a stomach doctor, neurologist, had a brain MRI, did all the neurological tests… so far, nobody has seen anything very wrong The issue is… i have never regained normal control of my body. Every single day I get different symptoms, although always getting very numb or weird feelings in my arms & legs. Whether I feel too heavy or too light, knots in my neck, knots in my jaw/face/head, stomach bloating & disgestive issues, tingling in limbs, dizziness, all of these whenever I try to do anything difficult — these all lead to being scared of walking, scared of eating, scared of never recovering, scared of dying… the list is endless… at least consciously, the physical numbness or loss of control always comes first, not the other way around — consciously, I just want to feel better… Its been like a month long panic attack, and it definitely gets worse whenever I try to push myself to be like my old self. I have almost no relief, ever. I may have subconsciously been depressed for a while, and I’ve definitely always been anxious, as well as going through my fair share of traumas… but this has been like my world turned upside down, so rapidly, uncontrollably. All in all, ive made a very good life for myself financially, and ive overcome a lot of challenges, so this challenge of simply controlling my own body again & not getting any answers is torturing me. I just wanted to see if anybody else has ever went through, or knows someone, or has seen something posted like this in relation to depression/anxiety. Because I cant find anything that fits my exact case, and quite honestly it’s probably impossible to have all of these symptoms and it all fit into one disease, without doctorsbut I’m terrified of never finding anybody similar to me and I’m terrified of something being wrong with me and nobody being able to treat it until its too late im available to answer any questions. i do have a family history of depression & anxiety but i was always able to rise above it or keep moving forward for most of my life. i have been a bit addicted to self improvement, social status, comparison etc in my past. most of my family has really no history of any major diseases, basically everybody has lived until very old. but despite a commonality of depression none of them have related to what I’ve been going through Thank you",2 "So about a week ago or so I made a post on another sub about how I thought I was brainwashed into my religion (pretty stupid I know). But apparently my behaviour actually pointed more to me having OCD. Its pretty dumb but because of my upbringing, until recently, I was really religious until I discovered that maybe I didn't believe in God. However, recently I keep doing this thing where I do the sign of the cross (basically a religious gesture which symbolises the Holy trinity) all the time. The reaction is mostly triggered by watching reading or even thinking about something 'ungodly', for example I know it's really bad but I do it when I see people from other religions praying to their own personal god. The problem is that it's become more frequent and hard to control. Like if I'm doing anything I feel like I HAVE to stop and do it. It's not debilitating or anything but it's pretty annoying and I can't control it so I find myself doing it in front of other people which is pretty embarrassing at times. It's a sort of feeling where if I don't do it I feel like I can't breathe or I feel overwhelmed with panic and I know it sounds silly but sometimes I feel like crying. I know my mother has OCD, although I'm not sure if it's something that can be passed down, but I've always had trouble with doing things compulsively. Like I've always done this thing where I tap my thumb to one of my fingers, and I must do it an equal amount on both hande. Or even when my arms or legs or hands brush up against something I feel like I need to do the same to the other side, to make it equal or else something bad is going to happen. I'm also a neat freak, and I know that this is a common misconception because people think just because they don't like dirt it means they have OCD, but much like my mother, we are really obsessed with germs. I can stand clutter, sometimes I create it, but not dirt. I often find myself washing my hands over and over or spending upwards of 2 hours showering. I'd like to know if I really do need to get this checked out, I don't want to just assume something is wrong. I've always suspected that I may have ADHD or OCD but it's gotten a lot worse recently with constant fidgeting and hyperfocus on these silly things. Thank you for reading, please let me know if you do think I should get this checked out.",1 " I don’t even recognize myself, the confidence I use to have I feel like pure shit every time I open a camera.. I know it’s all in my head no one knows how to help me I am sure my friends are tired of hearing me complain, my parents aren’t educated on the topic or even understand they just think I always have an attitude. I can’t do shit.. I think I have adhd too but getting a psychiatrist is like moving a fucking mountain for me.. my therapist is sweet but she gives me beginner vibes and honestly I think I can do her job better. I am so stuck between “extremely great and pure fucking shit”. I finally met someone worth having a future with and he’s great but doesn’t know how deep and gone I am.. I’m so worried that I will scare him away and honestly that just makes shit even more worse for me.. idk what to do anymore I have no purpose, I am broke… I’m not in school anymore I keep dropping out. Mental illness is killing the “strong friend” I really feel like I’m loosing. I’m the best at helping everyone else but I can’t do shit for my self, I just don’t know to function anymore I’m 23 and I feel like there is worth more out there for me but like I am loosing this internal battle with myself…. I’m scared to see who will win",2 "I hope this is ok to post here, it’s a bit of a vent. If not, I’ll remove this post. When I got diagnosed, I was in the 6th grade and was already suffering from several very bad mental health problems by then for a few years. My diagnosis only added to my load ,since my dad had this crazy idea that if I’m Aspergers I’m a genius and need to do lots of math and be a scientist or some shit, while also ignoring all the emotional problems that come with being on the spectrum. This raised my parents’ expectations of me, and increased their neglectful nature. I think my diagnosis just contributed to my emotional abuse and neglect, since I’m “high functioning” so I clearly don’t need emotional support (I obviously do, just like every other child, on the spectrum or not). Stupidly enough I followed everyone’s shitty advice on how to socialize and how I should be since I literally forgot I was on the spectrum cause it was just diagnosed but never treated, plus my narc mother would change her mind every week whether I was on the spectrum or not (whatever fitted the situation lol) Honestly, why even care to diagnose me if your only intentions are to make me suffer more?",3 "For example, if I'm asked, ""can you do x?"" the asker responds badly if my answer is ""probably,"" ""most likely,"" or anything other than ""yes."" Similarly, if I'm told to ""be safe,"" or ""don't get hurt,"" the speaker sometimes gets upset if my answer is something like, ""I'll try"" or ""I'll do my best,"" instead of ""ok"" or ""I will."" Or, in more complex sense, if I'm asked whether I think something is true or possible, the asker may get upset if I don't give a binary answer. So many situations in life aren't absolute, so my language usually reflects this. Sometimes it physically hurts me to speak the ""correct"" answer if it's inaccurate. It feels like lying, not to mention the anxiety that comes with the potential for being misunderstood. Why does this happen? Do any of you relate?",3 I love how whenever I try to talk to my uncle about depression he starts rattling off everything I have to prove I'm not depressed. As if I haven't told myself the same thing ad-fucking-nauseum.,2 "Hello. Here is my short story about not belonging anywhere, but, first of all, I wanna say that I love this community, I learn every day with you guys. Well, always felt a huge feeling of not belonging to anything, as I grew up. Obviously looking back, after being officially diagnosed, I see that there were many other symptoms together: sensory sensitivity, superficial friendships due to my poor social habilities, high anxiety, hyperfocus, etc. But I have always been successful: I graduated, post-graduated, and I have a nice job. I always wondered: what's wrong with me? Because i am a really handsome young man (people always said that haha), who has a good speaking hability (in formal places), who knows how to solve his problems, has a good relationship with people (I don't think I am a bad or boring person thought, even that I don't think a close friend).... I even feel desconnected from my body sometimes hahaha very strange. But the feeling of not belonging was and it is very strong in me. I saw people from my age being happy, having friends, growing personally and making conections... And I was always invisible. Not that I was isolated ... I have my family and colleagues. But nothing to close (only my mom, that I love).p Today, at the age of 24, 1 year after being diagnosed, I can feel my feelings more intelligently knowing that I am autistic. But the feeling of not belonging has not passed and I don't think it will. But I think that now I will live life more intensely. I started a love relationship with a girl months ago, since friendships will not work for me. I never dated before... So I hope to work. And it is what it is. I have my personal goals and I will try to find happy. I wish all of us peace to live well in this NT world. Do you guys feel the same way I do?",3 I was bullied and called very mean words by one relative When I think about that and the bully who hurt me I get tight chest (my breathing is that like after stressful event. That lasts for 2 days for which my mood is basically ruined and i am sometimes on the brink of crying. After that it gets back to normal but when i think about it again the cycle starts all over again. I fear that his insults (saying that for me even trash is a compliment) are true. Because of my OCD i can't easily stop thinking about it and constantly obssess,3 "For as long as I can remember, my father was physically and emotionally abusive. When I was little, I didn't understand that that was an issue, so I still loved him and trusted him. Most of his abuse was not directed at me, but towards my brother who has autism (punched repeatedly over a board game, given first degree burns over dominos, etc). However, I was still treated poorly (was slapped and yelled at for insisting I wanted to watch a movie). Later in my life, I realized how much of a monster he was and now want nothing to do with him. I learned that he was a sociopath and had PTSD himself because of his own abusive father. What hurt my trust for him when I was little was when he told us that he would never hurt us because he knows what that was like. While this was going on, there was another abuser, a sexual abuser at that. This time a family friend, specifically someone *I* had considered a friend. The abuse with him started when I was 9 and continued until I was 13, he was 16 when it started and 20 when it ended. He also had autism, but it was a milder case. He was a great listener when it came to literally every other context. When it started, I was confused and scared, I told him to stop and he did only for that day. When my mother came to pick my brother and I up, I told her about it, almost crying because I felt gross. At the time, I had trusted my mom more than anyone else I had ever known. She brushed it off like it was nothing. I was crushed. If the person who I trusted the most didn't care, why would anyone else? From then on, it only progressively got worse, the actions becoming more disgusting and violating by the week. I practically begged him to stop, told him I just wanted to be friends and nothing more. I did this for 2 years until I had lost hope of it ever ending. I forced myself to accept that this would now be a constant in my life, that there was no escaping this. I was terrified at the start of every single Wednesday, not knowing how far he'd go that day. Because of how gross and scared I felt, I went along with whatever he wanted, only initiating contact when he forced me to. There was nothing I could do- I already tired telling an adult, confronting him myself, physically avoiding him, writing him notes begging him to stop- it was too much for me as a child. In 6th grade (the peak of the sexual abuse), I decided to tell my 'friends' what was going on. They made a joke out of it, laughing at the situation. But, because I was so scared of being alone, I laughed with them. I had lost so many friends and people who I thought had cared, that I was desperate to be even remotely listened to for once in my life. When it ended, my mother and his mother decided that they shouldn't report it to the police because of his disability. His mother had actually come over to our house in hysterics, saying that he didn't mean to do any of what he did. Instead of a police report, they decided the best course of action would be therapy for both of us. This never happened. At the time, I felt horrible and thought that I was ruining his life for 'blowing it out of proportion'. Towards the end of 7th grade, I had a girlfriend. I was wary at first because of how often I had been thrown away, but I slowly realized that she was different. I didn't know how to react to someone treating my like a normal human, despite them knowing a vague idea of what had happened to me. It was frightening at first, but it slowly melted away because of how patient and caring she was. She actually cared. For the first time in my life, I truly felt loved. I still have a very difficult time trusting people and opening up, but people like her helped, even if it was just slightly. We're still friends and she's extremely supportive of me. I still struggle greatly with my trauma, there are days where I just want to give up all together. But, I'm slowly learning that not everyone is going to fuck me over at every turn, albeit extremely slowly.",3 "Heya, So I live with a girl in a shared house with OCD and I'm not doubting her condition, however I am questioning some things she did. She has a boyfriend and he lives here as well, last night she was taking a shower which took about 3 hours (not that I care) but it started to leak downstairs. Another housemate is a builder/diy type so I tapped on his door and he started shouting arguing ""get out of the f\*\*king shower your tearing this house apart"" (did not expect that). So anyways she shouted for her boyfriend to stay in the room don't come out then called for me to help her and bring her some of my clothes. Basically I'm helping her but kinda confused why I'm doing it and not her boyfriend, she said because she couldn't finish her shower she couldn't go in her room so she hung out in my room with me. Her boyfriend is understandably angry and was going absolutely nuts and I'm just trying to get some uni stuff done but trapped in the middle of this drama. Does that sound about right for OCD? I am a guy. Thanks heaps.",1 "What made you realise you had ADHD? My auntie was recently diagnosed and so was my mum, and now my life is starting to make sense. It feels like I don’t have the energy to do basic tasks like cooking for myself or brushing my teeth. I forgot things and items millions of times a day and it feels like I have 100 tabs open in my brain!",0 "Sorry for the formatting; I'm on mobile. My first boyfriend moved away last year, and I went through this awful depression once he left. He was all I felt I had at the tine. When he came back to visit over the summer, he raped me. We've since broke up, and my memories of him are blocked and I can't hardly remember what happened. A couple of months after he and I broke up, I got a new boyfriend who I thought was so much better. He lied to me all the time, made up excuses not to see me, ignored me at school, hung up on me for no reason when we talked on the phone, rolled his eyes and shook me when I cried, mentioned his past girlfriends when we would have sex, said he thinks he's going to be a pedophile, chose drugs over me, slapped my ass so hard he left welts and bruises, got mad at me if I showed affection towards him in public, threw me, kicked me...it goes on. He broke up with me two months after we got together, and told me he never wanted me in the first place...he said that's why he forced me to ask him out rather than it be the other way around. I didn't break up with him because I ignored his behavior. I don't know why. For some reason, I can't get him out of my head. I have nightmares about him and I had a panic attack when he liked something I'd posted on social media yesterday (the only form he wasn't blocked on, but is now). I've told my friends, family, and my therapist about what all has happened and nothing has really been done. A guy I'm talking to - who is the absolute sweetest - knows about what's happened to me in the past, and he tries to help me, but I feel like I'm going to end up being a burden. I don't even know how to cope with something like this. I'm afraid he's going to be like my exes even though I know he won't be. I'm afraid to have sex because of how it's been for me. He respects this, and says he'll wait as long as he has to because he loves me for me and not my body. I'm thankful for that, but I'm still scared. Edit: added details",3 "I’ve seen some of the lists online of suggestions for accommodations. And I know my employer is open to it. I’m just wondering what accommodations people here have asked for at their full-time job. How’s it going? How did you go about asking for them? What worked? What didn't work? Any stories, advice etc welcome :)",0 "please some advice would be greatly appreciated, i dont want to turn to drugs again whether they be street or prescribed. I just dont know what to do anymore. im only 16 why am i feeling like this.",2 "Does anyone have any tips for finding a mentor? In highschool and college i was able to find a teacher and in one case a peer who were probably somewhere on the spectrum. They seemed to get me and were weird and seemed just as baffled at what most people do as I am. I learned so much from them and honestly learned how to use my ""traits"" to my advantage. Does anyone have any tips for finding a mentor like this in the real world? Or even any books written by those on the spectrum or that they suspect to be on the spectrum? I have read a lot of great books about ND topics, but most seem to be written by NTs so they lack the connection I'm looking for. I can usually sniff them out in person, but I work from home and slack provides little information on mannerisms.",3 "I have anxiety, that I know. But I never talked about ADHD with my therapist. I feel that ADHD is very relatable, but I don't know how to separate my anxiety symptoms from others. So my question is, do any of you have anxiety and ADHD, and what symptoms were due to anxiety and which to ADHD. I would really appreciate your answers",0 "I'm disappointed and ashamed with who I've ended up being. I don't see any way for me to fix myself because I'm already a matured adult. I'm very stupid, uneducated, I make poor decisions. I don't have a single friend nor have I ever had anyone to spend time with face to face. I am devoid of life experience and my life has been empty. I have not learnt anything of value and I struggled to learn when I tried. What am I doing here, I'm a failure in everything and a long time ago I got to the point where I realized that there's nothing in life for me. I don't enjoy anything, I feel either nothing or misery. I'm alone in my experience and no one could understand. I'm a failure and I cannot and will not recover",2 "I feel like I've been depressed since I was a child. I come from a household broken and ravaged by sexual abuse and where depression festered among the survivors. ( This is the first time I'm mentioning to anyone. ) However, I remember glimpses of happiness when I used to get lost in my mind and the surrounding areas close to my neighborhood, alone. Being a kid then wasn't hard and I don't have many memories of abuse, but I'm certain that there was. The trauma lingers and has been creeping out of the shadows more unrelentingly lately. I often daydream about simply getting lost in the world with a backpack and a tent. I feel like I could find happiness that way again but my heart is scarred, almost as much as my old soul. Trusting strangers seems beyond my reach. Also, life isn't as easy as my naive mind would like it to be. Glimpses of sunset rays through forest branches in autumn dusks taste like heaven, the true heaven people talk about. I can't tell if it's real or not but I have the unshakable feeling of having been there already, it tastes like afterlife. It's the place that I wish to find and stay forever and it's the place that I feel awaits me beyond the veil. Whenever I can muster enough strength to meditate, I try to draw energy from that place, and it helps tremendously. When I return, I do so in a much better state than the one I started with but the cold and harsh reality hits me mercilessly. The birth of each human being is an act of the utmost selfishness perpetuated by their parents. We are forced into this world without an opinion on the matter only to serve someone else's needs or whims and ultimately to become part of the cannibal capitalist machine. Not often is our future well being taken into consideration, let alone our existence or value as living beings. I still dream, though. About kind souls being able to travel between safe havens and being free. Free to love, live and heal. No ifs, buts or howevers. Just naively free to be free, to be nomad. It helps me to keep going, even though my depression as turned me into a recluse, I still dream. I wonder how many of us it would take to turn a dream into a reality? Regardless, I'll keep dreaming another day and let the warm light of that sunset wash over me one more time. Maybe one day I'll find the strength to relinquish all my possessions and let the wind be my guide.",2 "what i mean is right now im treating my OCD and its working well but at this point im just really really depressed and sad that i have let things get this far and so bad and i wonder if i soon overcome OCD mostly i wonder if i will be disgusted and depressed for the rest of my life remembering the intrusive thoughts i had before treatment. Has anybody had a succes story here and can tell me if you can live with yourself having had these past thoughts? and yes i know you re not your thoughts and that ocd does this to us but it still doesnt change the fact that i will remember these thoughts for the rest of my life",1 I’ve suffered a lot of childhood trauma (I’m not gonna go into the details) but I don’t like how it’s sabotaging my shot at finding love and real relationships. Especially when there is someone in my life who I’m afraid to admit my feelings for. What would you do?,3 "Hi! I got diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago but haven't really started taking my medication until last week (just wanted to see if I could live without it but here I am). My doctor started me off on 15 mg of Adderall XR. When I took that, I felt absolutely nothing, but did have a headache and couldn't sleep well that night. I've tried 20 mg of Vyvanse, which also did nothing. Then I tried 50 mg of Vyvanse, which seemed to have a stronger effect, I was actually able to focus for maybe 3-4 hours which was good! Today, I took two 15 mg of Adderall XR and still feel nothing. I also took it on an empty stomach, which I'm not sure if could have effected how potent it is. I'm trying to think of any other potential causes for it to not work to its full potential - I ate an apple which I believe has some vitamin C (though not a high amount) but I'm not sure that would've completely offset its effects. \*\*I want to make it clear that I'm not attempting to abuse the medication. For years, I was against using medication to treat my ADHD in any capacity. I didn't want to be dependent on it, and had some fear of the side effects. However, I work full-time and am currently studying for the LSAT (I take it on Sunday), so this is definitely a time where it is important that my medication is working to help me. I am aware of the high risk of substance abuse for Adderall XR and don't want this to seem like I'm promoting an unsafe use of it. After this week, I plan to use it very rarely, probably not until law school. I'm just very concerned that the medication prescribed to me isn't serving its purpose and if anyone has any advice in which they notice their Adderall XR works better (such as being taken with food, etc), it would really help me out these next few days. Thank you!",0 "I'm not trying to ""seek drugs,"" I was prescribed adderall for almost a decade until I had to move. I've seen a psych and primary care doctor, and neither are ""comfortable"" prescribing it in their words; if I seem anxious about not getting something I need to function, it's because I am, and the weird battle I have to go through is really exhausting without meds. I don't want my life to fall apart over something stupid like this. I don't know if the problem is me or stigma or what, I was lucky enough to avoid this until a few months ago. I'm also broke, so I have to figure out if the doctor is comfortable prescribing it before I waste money on the appointment or just keep rolling the dice with money and spoons I don't have. Should I look for someone who specializes in ADHD?",0 "It is saturday today. I have been up since 9 and its 12 now. Im still in my bed, looking at my mess of a room. The attic of my dads rental home. I am 31 and ive been all over the place. I realise I have been stuck trying to find social happiness. I recently joined football again, old classmates from elementary school. Like this group friends from my hometown. Before that I smoked weed. Spent money unwisely on stupid electronics I realise I never wanted. I escaped my sadness and loneliness by gaming, smoking and locking myself away. Basically blaming all around me. My ex. My parents divorce. Me estranging from families. Being a mess with women after my ex, cant seem to appealing after thinking ""this is it"". I have a mirror now, and i shouldnt compare, of guys who have a car. A house. A wife. A kid. Money to spend. While I have literally nothing to offer. My job, which was a start to a better life, 2 years ago isnt extending my contract. With a bicycle im limited. I was just starting as a football coach, playing myself. Develop a strong social life outside my games. I feel, and I know, im that high school failure kid that u see at a reunion. I basically have the reunion weekly allthough its really nice to be able to fall into a crowd of mature and fun friends. But they have lives. I dont. I have been in different social groups and I have done this in real life and online aswell. Years of games with wasting money. I have been running from reality for years. And still. I am typing this. On reddit. Tears in my eyes and sobbing so hard over my own self pity and feeling so bad for myself. While it is all my own doing. I keep going back to the past in my mind. Seeing all the choices that have led me to this period in time. To the person I am today. I keep working on being in good shape. Reality? I just want someone that looks at me and says. ""Damn"". Because I have developed such low confidence because of the years of being single. The fucked up part is I have led so many lives. Its hard to write it all out since this post is already all over the place and long. So many people I met. So many laughs I shares. Everybody followed a gameplan and is somewhere. Im nowhere. I have led my life as if it was all for fun. Now. I have jack shit. I keep saying this for years anr years. But now my well paying job is going away and i feel completely empty and hopeless. I miss a girl in my life but I have nothing to offer. Wanna chill and watch movies. Do things. Life my life instead of slaving away 5 years until im 36 and have maybe my first home, appartment for rent and have this ""this is probably some weird story behind thisn guy"" Fuck weed. I love it but its my coping mechanism. Fuck games. Love em but they ruined me socially. Fuck money. I need it to be free, but i cant fucking be mature and smart, until today. Im so mad at myself. Been to therapy. Been to psych, know my past and whats wrong. I just feel so cold in this. Gotta stop writing. Wish someone would just hold me. Take care, hope it teaches someone to flip your life. edit; also, seeing I have no other knowhow of filling in time. youtube and social media and see all these rich lives dont help, yet i only own tech. I resort to games or something like that. i just have no fucking clue what to do. go for walks, i write, i listen to music. but jesus fuck wtf do i do. Edit 2; just to indulge in my own self pity. Its sunday today. Its 4 pm and I still havrnt stood up. Im really falling hard again. I am listening to music and the lyric : ""you went away so long and everything has changed"" or something similar popped up. Realising how in 10 years barely anything has changed about my financial, housing or marital situation. I break down every time I reach this conclusion. Then I want to get high and I realise because of THAT I am here. Please. Choose a healthy life. Workout. Join a social sports group. Balance your private time with social time. Be kind to your family and people that want to see positive change in you. Treat people not out of self interest but because you can listen to what they want to say. Choose wisely when it comes to your future. Focus on stability instead of reckless behaviour. Set your goals and re set them when u reach them. I feel I have failed life but whenever some being on this planet reads this and goes through a struggle, this might slap them in the face. Smile with others. Dont sob alone. As the hypocrite I am. Final edit; I really dont feel my life is worth it anymore. In 1 week my job ends. I dont have a lot of money to go through. I dont have energy to find a new job anymore. I dont have a girl. Dont have friends aside from the ones I recently made and I just wished my life was so much different. I can change it and I am the only one who can. I just dont have the energy. I feel so cold. So lonely. Such a failure. My future looks grim. Why did I fuck up. I want to cry for days.",2 "Hi, for years now I’ve had trouble focusing and end up being fixated on one thing (phone, video games, reading) for hours and then end up doing the things I need to last minute since the only way I work is under pressure. Everyone I try to implement focusing strategies like putting away my phone, or taking breaks it never last long and my organising strategies end up being useless. Any tips on how to maintain a certain level of focus since none of the strategies I’ve found so far have helped, Thanks!",0 "This is my first post on here and on mobile so forgive me for anything that is wrong. I'm lost about my own life anymore and I can't keep it to myself anymore. First my dog died, my best boy, we was only a year old. Then my boyfriend of 5 years leaves me because I'm me basically. Then my cat dies soon after. I've fell into a hole and I don't know how to get out. I'm 16f and I'm still fucking around with my ex because I'm still in love with him. I have two guy friends I hang out with and I can't even tell them I want to die every day. I can't count how many times I've wrote everyone in my life a suicide note and almost did it these fee months. I feel pathetic and worthless anymore. I want a hug and I want someone to care again. I hate being in the house because I don't even feel like I'm apart of my own family. I'm used for work and that's the end. That's all it is and I can't do it anymore. Today I messed up my arm badly. My legs are messed up badly. I sit in my room crying everyday and winter breaks worsened it all. I'm texting my ex every day asking if we can call so I can fucking sleep without nightmares. I have so many nightmares anymore. I don't sleep much and my friends only use me as a therapist. I had so many plans and everything got destroyed. I've been depressed for years, and I feel crazy anymore by crying and telling myself to just leave finally. My adhd is hurting me, my anxiety is hurting me, my attachment issues and abandonment issues and everything is horrible. If someone held a gun to me and shot me, I'd say thank you. I just don't know what to do. I feel trapped and caged. I want to be free and I'm scared of how to get it anymore.",2 "Hey friends, So I've heard about this for a while but I wanted to ask peeps what their experience, if any, was with OCD and gut health. Here's the [study](https://www.psychiatryadvisor.com/home/conference-highlights/apa-2016-coverage/likely-connection-between-obsessive-compulsive-disorder-and-the-gut-microbiome/) There's a possible link between OCD and gut health, and of course, we now know that the gut makes up way more of the seritonin in your body than previously thought. Me personally, I was diagnosed with Celiac's disease at 16. Which is a condition where gluten damages my gut and must be avoided. It also just so happens to kill a lot of the bacteria that keeps my gut healthy. I've noticed a lot of OCD peeps who also have food issues or general digestive issues. Here's some tips on how to promote a healthy diet for your [gut](https://www.bbc.co.uk/food/articles/what_should_you_eat_for_a_healthy_gut)",1 "I just started Atomoxetine a couple days ago and noticed it makes me super tired and it’s really hard to focus when I’m sleepy. I know the first two weeks are basically a side effect shitshow but i don’t think it’s really worth the wait if i’m gonna be tired all the time anyways. Is there any chance the sleepiness will go away? Did it go away for anyone?",0 "I got assessed/evaluated for ADHD two days ago. I (wrongly) assumed it would be a Q&A-type format (apparently that's next), but it was actually a bunch of random mini-tests over almost two hours. Figured I'd share what happened in case it helps someone else know what to expect: * **Random trivia questions:** who wrote X famous classic book, who was the U.S. president during X major historical event, what's the circumference of Earth? * **Spacial stuff:** I had to arrange 9 blocks with red, white, or half-red half-white on them into various shapes indicated on a diagram (I think this was timed) * **Pole/disc test:** There were different sizes of discs stacked on three (or four?) poles. I couldn't put a bigger disc on top of a smaller one. I had to move the discs to different poles one at a time to mimic a shape on a diagram. I think she was counting the number of ""moves"" it took me to do this. * **X/space bar test** (apparently called the Conners' Continuous Performance Test): Letters flashed on a computer screen one at a time. I had to press the space bar after every letter EXCEPT x. I think this measures impulsiveness? * **Mental math:** standardized-test-style questions I had to do in my head, also timed. (If someone has 10 apples, then gives half away, then gets two more, blah blah how many apples) * **Word definitions:** A list of words written down. I had to explain what the word meant. The hardest one was ""palliate"" * **Word relationships/categories:** Two words, and I had to explain what they had in common (tongue and nose, anchor and border, etc.)--""They're both types of XYZ"" * **Number recall:** She said a series of numbers. I had to repeat them back to her in order, in reverse, or from low to high. This was really hard when it got to be like 6-7 digits. It was REALLY draining and again not what I expected at all, but hopefully this helps someone else be mentally prepared!",0 "I keep seeing spinning wheels of flickering light in my vision while in the dark. I recreationally used DPH a couple of days ago (I know it was stupid) and I've been having a bit of a hangover for the past two days. It was pitch dark in my room and there was basically no noise.. I also have nocturnal insomnia",3 "I’ve had every OCD theme under the sun- health OCD, religious OCD, HOCD, TOCD, POCD, but for the past year and a half I’ve been dealing with what I know can technically qualify as being Real Event OCD but at the same time I still did X thing/s so it’s like all the things I’ve learned from OCD therapy are useless/can no longer apply to me. This theme is the worst because it’s like an OCD sufferers worst nightmare come true, you actually did X thing so you have to bear the crippling guilt PLUS all of the obsessional thoughts and rumination surrounding the event/action in question. There is no hope for me. I’ve already decided I’m going to unalive myself before my next birthday, which I’ve planned out meticulously and is guaranteed to work, because I can’t live with this unbearable guilt any longer. And please do NOT attempt to talk me out of it, this is MY choice and MINE alone to make, my mind is already made up about this so will not respond to pro-life type comments. This post is merely just me venting and trying to get stuff off my chest.",1 "Pursuit of any work or interest would earlier swing uncontrollably between granular, obsessive depth and a wide superficial breadth of knowledge. Now I can wield my focus more discriminately and consciously like a scalpel rather than a mallet, I am rediscovering the joy of intentionality in how I engage with the world. It re-situates control in my own self, and that's rather wonderful. I've only been on medication for a few months, but I wanted to share this small victory here nevertheless.",0 "I seem to take parts/phrases/philosophies and character traits from people in movies, tv shows and real life and then stitch together some weird personality of my own. I feel like most people don't really know me. All they know is this kind of weird combination of different people I use to deal with many situations. Is this something you guys know are am I just mad?",3 "I think i may have ocd. I am going to see a physiologist next wensday about it but this id why i think that. 1, i have thoughts i dont want and they keep coming back and then i worry im a bad person because i have those thoughts. 2, whenever i play video games (pretty much all the time) i feel the need to wash my hands constantly and then rub my hands on a towel so much to the point they bleed. 3, i obsess over absolutely everything.",1 "I'm just coming up here for some ideas for jobs that y'all might have that are low in stress and specifically low in anxiety. The jobs I've had in the past were just awful environments for me to be in. I'm easily triggered by people yelling and inconsistent work flow. I currently work in a restaurant and although they like me there, I don't think I can take much more of it. I hate the sudden ""jump scare"" of getting so overwhelmed by people coming in at the very end of the work day. I can't stand the people in the kitchen yelling at the servers for things that we have no control over. I hate feeling like I'm on the tip of my toes all the time because I have no idea when things are just going to explode out of nowhere. I've had more ""blue collar"" jobs in the past where people have awful anger issues, far too aggressive all the time and I just need a change of pace. Some kind of career or job that is peaceful and hopefully has a more consistent work flow. Any ideas?",1 "I am 13, and I was diagnosed to ASD and ADHD at age 11. It was after they started generalizing the disorder, but I definitely have Aspergers. I have lived my whole life needing attention. I didn’t care if it was for acting out, or doing something rewarding. I would always act out because it was the easiest way to get attention. I then got diagnosed and it changed my life. I started becoming a teacher’s helper instead of a class clown. My life lacked direction until I was diagnosed at the age of 11. Now, I fix computers for my school’s tech team and I am only in 7th grade.",3 "hi.. I posted yesterday aswell and wanted to thank you all for the kind responses. I really want to know what are some good quality qeustions for my GF, when she is feeling sad or depressed, she is crying a lot lately and I feel like I am lacking in the communication aspect. I always tell her I am there for her and always open her up, however I would like to communicate better with her. So she usually says, ""everything su*ks"", ""I miss my dog"" I want my own place"" ""I have no energy"" ""I am not doing well today"" how do I respond to those in a proper and loving way?.. thank you",3 Im sometimes so tired of it. And there are days when im just so frustrated and angry.,1 "My psychiatrist’s first impression is OCD. But I am not aware of any obsessions of mine, just compulsions. I am also a maladaptive daydreamer. I’ve seen posts about how MD is related to OCD. I understand how it could be a compulsion. But then again, if obsessions are recurring, UNWANTED thoughts, MD doesn’t necessarily mean it is an obsession since the thoughts are actually wanted (desired even). So I’m wondering how it is connected to OCD, and just like the title, is OCD still OCD without the O?",1 "The first study session went well. I manage to study on my Psychology subject without the intrusive thoughts. I studied for about 1 hour and decided to rest for a bit. Halfway through the second session, I couldn't control the thoughts anymore, and the caffeine in my system didnt help either.",1 "My two siblings and including myself all have ADHD. Our food goes down very quickly. This lead us to find out that each of us has a serious binge eating problem. Maybe it is just a coincidence or maybe its not. My friend who has ADHD says she binge eats to the point she feels sick. So I was wondering...could binge eating be linked to ADHD? It would make sense. Us people with ADHD are under stimulated and so when were bored we try to find anything to stimulate us, that has to include eating right? Because in a way food makes us feel good, boosting more stimulation. Like sometimes I can't watch something without eating. My siblings have this same problem too. It's odd. What do you think?",0 "Can you guys please tell me some examples of compulsions for pocd, id really appreciate it and it would help me better understand",1 "I hate this. Every April, I have to come up with several personal or project ""Objectives"" to aim for, along with some company decided ones. I struggle at this. I dont know what I want to achieve, I honestly could not care less. I want my boss to give me work or an avenue to work, and I do the work. I can study, I can get certifications, I can work. What I dont like is going through all this HR Bullcrap. I HATE having to constantly hound busy people who dont care, about giving me written feedback about my time working with them, because I need this feedback to support my review. I hate trying to work with other people to get these sorts of things made, because they are only a priority to me, and nobody else, which causes constant delays because everyone is putting them off. I dont care. They dont care. HR cares, and it's putting me under a mountain of stress. I've gotten so frustrated today, that I've gone against my personal preference of staying in this one place and actively started accepting other companies job offers and interviews, because right now I feel like I could do with a change of scenery. How do you guys deal with all of this bullshit?",3 "Everything I touch lately seems to give me negative memories of the past. My brain is tricked into thinking I'm in intense danger whenever it happens and I feel like a neurotic mess on the inside. At it's worst I feel like the whole world is about to attack me and there's nowhere to run. The anxiety it's caused me is absolutely debilitating and I get infuriated thinking about what life could be like if I was normal. The trauma and the bad memories are so hard to get rid of. The only consistently effective method to pry them away is by giving myself some sort of distraction. I have no idea how to convince myself that everything is truly ok. I have such little experience on my own with resolving trauma in a permanent way and trying to regulate my thoughts on my own to calm down seems like and impossible task at points. I don't even know for certain if it's ptsd specifically that's causing this in me. I'm honestly just desperate and looking for any sort of help or even just acknowledgement. I've always doubted myself when it comes to ptsd because I would tell myself that my life ""hasn't been bad enough to be so affected by ptsd"" so I'm always afraid of being rejected based on that.",3 "Is there even a point to any of this? I just don’t get it. Am I just supposed to wake up, try to fill in time as much as possible until I can finally go back to sleep over and over again every single day for X number of years until I die? Why bother? I’m fucking bored… I know people say you just gotta enjoy little things and shit, but I don’t really enjoy anything. I try other stuff. I do things that at least pass the time faster. But I don’t enjoy any of it. It’s just better than staring at a wall, I guess. Feel like I’m constantly just checking the time until it’s late enough that I can sleep all the way through the night and hopefully sleep in a late as possible the next day. And if I think too hard about how tomorrow’s just gonna be the same exact thing, I don’t wanna wake up at all. If it’s all just killing time, which it is for me at this point, sleep beats everything. Doesn’t matter where I go or what I do, I just feel like I’m just trying to pass time until I die, and it’s never going fast enough. It just crawls past at a fucking snails pace. It’s demoralising. I guess I just don’t wanna be alive. Don’t enjoy it at all. No part of it. Tried to take medication and go to therapy cause I guess that’s what people say you should do when you don’t wanna live anymore, but none of it helps at all. Been on about 10-15 different medications over the past 2 years, not one of them did anything at all. Nothing. Been in therapy over that whole period too. Doesn’t help at all. Seen multiple therapists too, same thing with all of them. Don’t even see how it’s supposed to help, honestly. Back with another therapist again now. Didn’t really want to go. Don’t much see the point. But I can’t work feeling like I do and I can’t get welfare unless I can prove I’m getting “treatment”. She was asking me what I’m hoping to get outta it and I don’t even know what to say. Don’t know what it even is I’m hoping to get better, can’t just pick a thing. It’s everything. Feel like I’d need a whole new brain to change how I feel. And even if I could identify some specific issue I want her to help with, what the hell could she do about it? Talk at me? I just don’t see the point of therapy. Don’t see the point of anything. So fucking bored of being here.",3 "I (22F) graduated college back in May and I found a job by July. After 6 weeks I was let go due to ""not performing essential functions of the job"". My degree is in digital media (specifically animation), but my dad, who's in marketing, pushed me into marketing because he misunderstood me saying I wasn't passionate about animation as meaning I don't like doing it. Which isn't true. I like it just fine, I just wasn't as SUPER DUPER PASSIONATE about it as my peers in college were. I got the marketing assistant job due to my dad waaay overselling me and practicing my ass off for interviews. Telling them my digital media degree encompassed digital marketing (it didn't) and claiming I'd helped my dad and his company out with projects in the past (I hadn't). It was a remote position, which sounded like a dream to me at first, but reality set in pretty quickly. Namely, I am someone who needs to have my ""work space"" and ""leisure space"" completely separate if I can help it, otherwise I'll get too distracted. In school I always worked better in our digital media labs than I did in my dorm room, because being in the labs got me in the ""work"" mindset. Couple that with the fact that the job was nothing close to what I thought it would be. I was prepared to be dealing with graphs and analytics and ROI and SEO! Turns out being a marketing assistant involves lots of note taking, staying on top of deadlines, keeping track of multiple things at once, and other organizational tasks that I inherently struggle with. Dad's taking some blame for it, realizing he was so focused on just getting me *any* job that he didn't consider what I'd actually be good at. Alongside that, he didn't want me to disclose my autism to them during the interview process, something both mom and I disagreed with but went along with anyway. I can pass for neurotypical a lot of the time, to the point my dad has told me he forgets I'm autistic. So we're changing up our approach here. Does anyone know of a good resource for autistic people with degrees to get jobs? Or companies that are autism-friendly? If possible, I'd like to get a job that's actually relevant to my animation degree. I'm in the Knoxville TN area if that helps. Please no companies associated with Autism Speaks because f those guys lol.",3 "I'm 27, I got caught masturbating 6-7 years ago while on drugs and thought I was going to die, now I cannot do anything sexual without occasional flash backs and I have panic attacks, my family had a very frowned upon and suppressed attitude towards sex, which adds to my shame, what can I do to help my situation?",3 "Maybe this sounds dumb but there are lots of people glued to their cellphones for hours. I don’t understand how it doesn’t affect their social skills? I literally had to dumb down my smartphone so I could observe the environment around me. If I were to be on my cellphone in public for more than 5 minutes, I get this unbelievable anxiety that can last the whole day. Due to my sensitivity I have to be careful when, where, and how often I use my phone otherwise I feel like I will lose my ability to socialize. I see this everywhere, from the airport to the park. I get that they could be socializing on those platforms. If that’s the case then FINE! But if we are talking about someone with an actual social disability it can be either a good thing or a bad thing. I feel the more virtual my communication is the worse it is for my IRL conversations. But I feel that I miss out on a lot of cultural issues when I let that stuff go. I think that this may be more of a personal issue, but I have limited my screen time and it has helped. But as soon as I get on my phone for longer than needed, I feel this anxiety and don’t always know how to face it.",3 "i don’t know if this is an ADHD thing or a “my family” thing, as many people in my family both have ADHD and are super picky when it comes to food. i’ve always been pretty picky, if there’s a soup with something i dislike in it i’d just avoid the thing i dislike, but with a scrunched nose. but my cousin (who also has ADHD) basically only eats bread and chips, and my grandpa has to put three pounds of salt in a green bean casserole to eat it without gagging. my mom is undiagnosed, but I’m pretty sure she has ADHD and was really picky when she was younger as well. (repost because the subreddit didn’t like the title)",0 "I read this quote on Reddit somewhere, and it has really helped me to be less afraid of my feelings. A lot of times, we think strength is pushing down our feelings, being strong, or pretending that we won't care. But that's not true strength - and while it's necessary sometimes, true strength is being able to face our emotions and not run away. When we fear our emotions, what we actually fear is ourselves. But how? Don't we trust ourselves and our minds enough to let our emotions run free? When framed that way, I know that yes, I do trust myself. I am the ocean, and so I trust myself enough to let myself feel my own waves.",3 "I recently had suspicion of having adhd. I am 21, and after hours of research, I think I might’ve had adhd my whole life without realizing this whole time. Is it too late to go get diagnosed? I don’t want the doctors to think that I’m just trying to get prescribed a controlled medication. In my case, I don’t care about drugs. I just want to know what’s wrong with me because this “feeling” I live with everyday has been affecting my job and the way I live. 90% of the symptoms related to me, and if it is something serious, then I would consider taking medication. Question: how do I go about with the process to get diagnosed? Do I go to a doctor first, or a physiologist? Should I specifically say “hey I think I need a adhd diagnosis” or just tell them the symptoms I experience?",0 "Dr. Jane Doe, I am reaching out because of how utterly astounded I am at the difference between tablets and capsules as it comes to Prozac. Immediately upon switching and increasingly thereafter I am having a hard time not thinking it undeniable that there is something different between the two. Hyperbole is no help, but this difference compares to being on a medicine and not being on one. The fact that I noticed change suddenly is unbelievable to me, and I don’t attribute it to the addition of Bupropion as these feelings are not new, but because I experienced them verbatim the last time I took 60mg tablets. I have no request here only testimony. On capsules the day was overcast but the rain stopped, on tablets the sun is out. May this be a testimony to you for any other patient who is confounded by a seemingly irrational difference. I don’t deny the nuance of such an idiosyncratic experience. The Bupropion is working just fine. I question it’s need after the Prozac experience. But overall I would like to stick with it as perhaps as it settles things improve even more. Happy Holidays!",2 "I’m on 10mg IR, I usually eat a really light breakfast and then take it an hour later. I just do that because I can’t get a clear answer on when the optimal time to take it is. Wondering what’s best for you guys personally. Before, after, together, or time in between. Ignore this sentence I’m being forced to meet this diabolical 300 character requirement. Is this enough characters. If you’re reading this it was",0 "28M Married w/ 4 kids Backstory: After 28 years I finally hit a breaking point in my symptoms (which I didn’t know were symptoms for most of my life) and am now in verbal therapy and testing out medication. I deal with attention issues, focus, and pretty intrusive anxiety. Although I haven’t let this hold me back in life…I can feel my symptoms becoming worse as I age and from going untreated. I have my 30 day follow up with my doctor this Thursday. The last 30 days I’ve been on 10mg of adderall XR in the mornings and another 10mg of adderall In the afternoons. I work a weird schedule of 5am-1pm. So I tend to take my XR around 7am and my second dose around 3. Unfortunately I wasn’t given much guidance on best times to take my doses so I’ve just stuck with that. Ive noticed my focus is a tad better and my motivation to get things done is better. I’m questioning if the adderall is worsening my anxiety though as it’s been quite a roller coast for the last 30 days. Did any of you see a night and day difference when trying to find the right medication or dosage? Im having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel right now.",0 "Hey guys! I started Ritalin (IR) 10mg 2 times a day, a couple of weeks ago and found that it was working great in terms of my ADHD. Unfortunately it seems to have flared up my raynauds for me and my doctor asked that I stop it until I can get back into the psychiatrist. I’m wondering if anyone has had experience with any other types of stimulants that seem to have impacted raynauds less or do they all have a similar effect? Thankyou!",0 "Ok so I had a left over pain killer from a oral surgery. Was having a chill day so at night I said what the hell, and popped it. Now, my ass has done this b4 but now that my therapist is trying to get me to “pay attention and notice my emotions instead of going all reptile” I never noticed it b4 but, it shut everything up. Like when you walk outside after a fresh snow. Shit was quiet for the first time in months. No Hypervigilance, no nagging voice telling me how every move I make is an embarrassment, no checking every room in the house 100 times. I could actually sit on my couch for more than 10 minutes. Now. I know how this ends. I’m out and not looking. But. Is there something else that can do this? Anyone on meds that can tell me it’s possible to get it all to shut the fuck up. Or is that what it’s like when you “work through it” is that what a normal brain is like? Is that achievable wo an opioid?",3 "Does anyone else daydream a lot? I am 18 and i daydream or imagine scenarios A LOT. I put on some music and act my scenarios with my favorite anime characters or my fav actors. I also make faces lol but nothing too much. I always used to daydream and i know this might be not okay, but i love it. Anytime i go out i listen to music, imagine myself in movies etc. I am 18 and i know it’s weird but i was scared since i am afraid of possibly having schizotypical personality as i read that fantasy and daydreaming were symptoms( not to scare anyone, i just read that somewhere, don’t know if it’s true) .My OCD traits are making me a bit more scared since i fear it could turn into something worse. Thank you for any response!",1 "How do you guys handle explaining your OCD to people? I feel like there comes a certain point in most of my friendships where I feel the need to explain OCD to people since it influences a lot of my behavior and is a significant part of my life. I try to explain it in detail so people understand that it's not just ""I like neat things and I don't like germs"", but no matter how hard I try people still don't seem to understand it. It makes me feel really misunderstood by my friends. Any thoughts?",1 "For reference I am in middle of high school. I think I'm pretty smart but I struggle in school. Partly because I didn't care and partly because I was too shy to ask for help. It also wasn't helpful that my parents decided to move us to a different country for whatever dumb reason so sometimes I struggle with the language. In addition I'm also overweight and of course I also have asperger. This isn't to say that I have nothing going for me but In the end of the day those aren't things that will help me build a career. Even if I had all the money in the world, I still wouldn't be happy sitting around doing nothing.",3 "I have OCD and have struggled a lot finding a therapist who is actually experienced, and can treat OCD well. It seems there’s lots of people who say they treat OCD but actually can’t, and I also want to find someone who has experience of my particular theme. I had this idea the other day - a website you could post that you need help, and what theme/s you had, whether you were open to telehealth etc, and verified OCD specialists could see it and get in contact with you if they met the criteria you set out. Do you guys think this would be useful? I thought it was a cool idea to have properly verified OCD therapists, and might help me find someone who can help me with my theme, so wanted to ask what people here thought?",1 "Basically the title. I joined a group near me for young adults and meeting others on the spectrum at the group feels like a burden has been lifted off of me from having to engage with nt's 24/7. It's predominantly for level 1's and 2's, solely because of the varying support requirements but I'm sure in the future there'll be more opportunities for level 3's to participate or even all levels to gather together! The group goes for like an hour-ish and follows a schedule because otherwise we would all become hyperfocused on whatever topic is being talked about. If you need a social outlet for one reason or the other, I really can't recommend finding one of these groups enough. Some people in the group have even come from a fair while away, so if you have access to travel via train, bus or private transport by all means.",3 "Do I have a moral responsibility to step away from my wife and kids if I'm unable to provide them the proper attention they need. I'm driving my wife to insanity it feels like (she has started taking a antidepressant recently). I'm basically a third child for her. I'm unable to spend as much time with my son and daughter as I should and even when I am spending time with them I'm not there mentally I just disappear without a choice. Only context I'll really want to provide is were 26 with two kids and she feels she wouldn't look for another person or that ppl wouldn't interested in her. I don't believe the second part because she's a gorgeous woman who's insanely motivated and kind to an actual fault. Shed actually starve herself to let a stranger eat (shit she's basically doing this for me rn). I could go into so many more details that argue in either way and I just feel like I should strip the question of context because otherwise I just talk in circles about it.",3 "I despise work weeks. I wake up early, drive an hour to my job, to go to a place I feel I am lack luster in, only to go home for another hour drive in rush hour just to spend time by myself and repeat the process. But weekends. Weekends are the worst. I sit alone in the dark with expectations my friends or even my girlfriend will care enough to want to hang out with me, but that never happens. Even when it does, it's only for a few hours before I am left alone and going to bed earlier that I do on actual week days. I miss the days where I had something to look forward to.",2 My boss is handing the company to his son. Who well a known drug addict and can't be trusted. I am expected to work for this joker. I will not I have enough saved to find a new skill I'm honestly getting tired of home improvement.i thinking ow of working on landscape again.it find peace in nature and working with it I could be a great job!.,3 "So, as the title says, my brother is moving back in. He moved out out of anger nearly 3 years ago to my dad's house. My dad is a narcissist and caused me to have ptsd because he was abusive. (My brother is his favorite child.) My brother is only moving back in temporarily, because he wants to get an apartment with a friend. Why does he have to move back in? My dad is moving in with his gf. (Context: I'm catholic so divorce isn't really a thing, and it creeps me out that he is moving in with her when she has kids (if it's the same women) and I lowkey think he is a pedophile so that's great....) One of the last times I saw my brother, he got angry and in my face. I got extremely triggered and slapped him (in self defense; I seriously believed he was going to kill me). I immediately had a major meltdown and tried not to have a serious flashback. (I am autistic.) I'm afraid something like this will occur again, because he isn't really a good person. (He likes Trump, treats my mom like trash because that's what my dad does, etc.) I can't properly talk to my mom about my worries, because she still doesn't believe I have PTSD (she's in denial) and she is super excited about him moving back in (minus his dog, but that's another story). What really freaked me out today was that he brought some of the furniture from my dad's place. He brought the desk, which i would hide at and try to use as a sanctuary away from my father. It caused a lot of anxiety just *seeing* it. I shut the door, but my mom opened it again (he isn't home rn). I kind of just wanted to rant, but if anyone knows of anything that may help, PLEASE let me know. I also (thank god) see my therapist on Tuesday.",3 "I have been having mental health struggles for over ten years. Hope had kept me going for a very long time, but recently that hope has faded away and been replaced with emptiness and despair. I’ve tried my ass off to get better, quit drugs, started going to therapy, moving out of my moms house. Nothing has seemed to make a difference. I think I’m cursed to spend my life in misery. I don’t want to die but it is something that makes more sense every day. I wish things could’ve been different for me, I wish I could be a normal person with a normal range of emotions, but I’m not. My family has kept me going for years but it just doesn’t feel like enough anymoret.",2 "I have done this for my entire adult life. Finding and preparing food is a source of stress for me. Grocery shopping is overwhelming, so (when I actually do it) I just get the same few meals I make all the time. Usually though when I am stressed I just go to the same handful of restaurants on a rotation because it's too much energy to decide on something different. This is a big problem for me currently. I havent been grocery shopping for more than cereal or something in over 3 months, and the restaurants I've gotten stuck on are pretty expensive. I am wondering if this is something that is related to adhd and that may get better if I get diagnosed. I'm scheduled to get tested in January after taking a self evaluation I saw on here (five out of six in the inattentive section were every day, and the sixth was like half the time)",0 "My new doctor told me “There’s nothing to talk about” and wouldn’t even talk to me about my medications. I take Klonopin and am on a super low dose with my new doctor and it’s because he doesn’t believe I have PTSD I think. I downplay my symptoms when talking about it. I downplay what happened to me. I knew I had PTSD for a while, but just learned about CPTSD and finally feel like something describes my mental illness to a T. How do I tell my doctor that my anxiety is so severe that I can’t function on just the meds I’m on now. Just tell him what happened to me? Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I’m new to this sub.",3 "I can usually pick up when I've made a social blunder based on subtle cues from people. I barely understand these cues, but I seem to be able to pick them up regardless. From there I can analyze the situation (sometimes in a harmful, obsessive way) to find out what I did specifically that people reacted strangely to. I think this process has helped me learn a lot of social skills, but I am still not good with social aspects of life. It's like I have a lot of the skills, but I didn't have the instinct. I had to learn the skills. And even now, I don't always know when or how to apply them consistently. I almost think that social instinct wins out in the end over social skills. Because people can be great socially without having pursued any learning or trying to polish their skills. They didn't need to.",3 "I literally keep getting intrusive sexual thoughts about alot of people i know or i meet and it’s really tiring me, like my mind starts imagining sexual images about them for no reason and i can’t stop & i hate it so sm it makes me feel so guilty",1 "I don’t think it’s true, but I feel like it is. Also my thoughts continually say it, even though I don’t want to hate anything. It is an irrational thought, I know it is not logical. So how do I stop it?",2 "I'm sorry for the language, but I'm fucking tired. Everyday is the same thing. Same triggers. Same anxiety. Same medication. I'm not myself anymore. I'm someone who I can't comprehend and I'm ashamed and disgusted of that person. I don't do anything I like anymore, I don't have the strength to pursue a job or study. I spend most of my days thinking ""I just need to go through this week"" and fuck, how many more weeks are left? I've hurt myself and many more. I just want it to STOP. I cannot take it anymore. I CAN'T.",3 "I had a triggering experience about two weeks ago and I’ve been stuck in fight-or-flight, disassociating and I’m exhausted and scared. How do you free yourself from this pattern when you get stuck in a downward cycle of fear and isolation? It’s getting worse. Rapidly worse.",3 "I started my job in quality control and have to deal with people. A coworker of mine thought I was rude when I asked him a genuine question about his job. He didn't like the tone of my voice. People at my company look busy doing nothing and I can't do that. I want to do genuine work and I get noticed sometimes when there is no work. I like my job but interacting with people will always hinder my ability to progress since work is not as important as winning people over. I just don't have it in me.",3 "I always had a thing for numbers. Years ago, everywhere i was, i knew that if i saw a number i had to calculate that with something in my head, otherwise, i couldn't move on from it. I tried, but i'd be thinking about that damn number until i did some calculation with it. Now, this is more controled, even though i still do it. But, my obsession is now with even numbers. Everything i do must in a even number type of way. Number of spoons of sugar, number of times i touch a screen, even number of times i kiss my gf. It started just as something fun to do, but now, is interfering a lot with my studies. When i begin studying i gotta spend some time making sure that i have a even number of books open, and all of them are in a page that is even too. The number of tabs on the Browser, the last number that i see on the clock, or absolutely anywhere. If i don't follow this i kinda just panick, feel anxious and just can't stop thinking about it. It's horrible because everywhere i go, numbers are a huge stimulation for me when it comes to this. My psychiatrist suggested that i choose some days that i don't follow this ritual for at least part of the day, but i just couldn't find the courage yet. Did someone in here already tried to do something like this ? Or could give me any tips ?",1 "Been going through a rough time. Had a friend over. We talked a lot and I felt somewhat better. For the first time in days I felt the energy needed to go to the grocery store. I was going to buy a pizza for dinner so I turned the oven on in advance. I get there and I realize I don't have a mask, which is now mandatory again. Defeated, I turn around and go back home. Once there, I see the oven on. Realizing that I'd failed at life again and that I'll have to order takeout, I just broke down. Over a fucking oven. What is wrong with me.",2 "I got an ADHD Online assessment and they basically said “your symptoms could be from depression and anxiety so stick to a schedule and practice sleep hygiene” I’m so pisses because after years of researching I know that my symptoms and how they affect my life line up perfectly with ADHD and I’ve had trouble finding a psychologist to get a diagnosis. I’m a broke college student and paying $150 to pretty much be told “eh. Maybe” is really infuriating. Does anyone have experience with this program?",0 "basically, I've been wronged a whole lot in my life. that sounds very victimy but it isn't a lie or anything. and tbh idk if I'm being dramatic about this one but tbh I'm so unable to get any kind of closure out of anyone that's hurt me and since I don't actually personally know the woman that's pissed me off this time I just have this desperate fear to just hold her bloody accountable so she's basically a influencer she has an insta n a twitch and other things and she also has a depop. I saw she had something that I had been looking for for ages because the place that made them didn't make them anymore. so I bought it, it was half the price it would have usually been so I messaged her and she was really friendly and said she could ship it out that day. so I was like sick. I get ma jumper bout three weeks go by (bear in mind we live in the same country so i should have got it like a week at most after she supposedly shipped it) and I message her saying you know ""hey where's my jumper?"" no response. wait another week messaged her again, no response. so I filed a claim on PayPal for a refund and found her insta and messaged her on there. no response again, by this time I'm just pissed. I got my money back but I'm still pissed because she's just sitting n doing streaks and sitting n talking to people so I comment on her stream about it and she said she'd message me after it. she didn't and I messaged her again and apparently her insta is broken so idk but she knows who I was and she should have messaged me on depop and tbh idk I just want to hold her accountable or something but I can't because OCD is like something bad gonna happen to you, yeno idk why I'm posting this think I need to vent lol idk",1 "I live with some people that constantly do this. I’m completely losing it and literally would rather live in psychiatry hospital than here. It’s like it’s holding me back. I don’t know what to do. I want to advance in life but this shit is costing me my time, health, sanity, morals. Please",1 "I'm gonna be honest, and this is gross, but I haven't showered in a week. I want to. I really want to get clean, but the shower/bathtub is a space where all of my worst memories flood me. I tried to take a bath the other day, but the thought of being alone in the bathtub sent me crying on my couch. I tried showering with music but it didn't help much. The water drowned out the music. I also live in an apartment and don't want to make the music loud enough to disturb my neighbors. My attacks aren't always like this. Sometimes I can jump in and shower without the memories, but this week has been really hard for me. I wish I knew exactly what is triggering this, but I have no idea. The memories don't even involve the shower. I can sit alone in other places and be just fine. Nothing happens when I'm at a pool or a lake, so it's not water. But as soon as I get into the shower, it's like I'm taken back to every bad memory of my past. It sucks. I don't want to be this way. Maybe I can find some waterproof ear buds or something. I don't know what to do. I feel broken. TLDR; Showers trigger a variety of childhood trauma to be thrown at me. I have no idea why. Because of this it's so hard to take a fucking shower.",3 "TW// SUICIDE TALK I am so worried about my brother all the time. He has been struggling with depression and anxiety for over 2 years but over the past 6 months it’s gotten very bad. I try to get him to do stuff with me but he can’t even go out in public anymore without having an anxiety attack or having to rush out. He mostly sleeps all day on weekends and when we have school he usually just comes home and goes to sleep. Even some of his lifelong friends have reached out to me and said that he doesn’t reply or hangout with them anymore. He’s been talking to someone but I don’t think it’s helping. He has stated to me and my parents that he feels worthless and has had suicidal thoughts. He just puts me off and says I don’t get it every time I try to talk to him about it. I’m worried that it will get worse or maybe even the worst outcome. What is the best way I can help him please.",2 "I don’t understand why low flying jets cause my fight or flight response to kick in with a vengeance. I’m not a veteran and the events that caused my PTSD have nothing to do with jets or similar sounds. When they fly low over my house it’s loud it shakes my house. My anxiety gets so bad I start to see stars and feel like I’m going to pass out. I ran to the closet at one point yelling. My tiny anxiety ridden dog didn’t even care. It will be happening all weekend and I guess it’s supposed to get louder and last longer. My husband is going on a trip and I’ve texted family members and friends to see if anyone will take me out of town or at least sit with me. No one is available and I’m afraid to drive. I don’t want to panic and crash. I don’t understand why my reaction is so strong and it feels embarrassing especially cause I can’t pin point why the hell its messing with me so bad. At least my usual triggers make sense to me and it’s allowed me to find ways to cope. Everyone is so happy about the jets and have been bitching about people that don’t like it. So naturally there is a small selection of people I feel comfortable telling. TL;DR- don’t know why I’m frightened of jet sounds but I am panicking so bad to the point of almost passing out. I am wondering if anyone had pointers on how to handle sudden triggers or panic attacks from things not related to traumatic event they weren’t prepared for. Edit: using headphones make me feel like I can’t see and don’t help at all. Sometimes they make my anxiety worse.",3 "So much time has passed being depressed. Years, decades. Am turning 40 in half a year and thinking of ending it before. Friendships have withered, relationships failed, I did not manage to build a life that feels worth living and now it feels too late to make that happen. Don’t know if I seek advice here. It’s probably too late anyway. Wish you all the best.",2 "I’m sure there are a lot of posts like this. But I never thought I might have ocd. It might be my crippling hypochondria, but these things you all post just make so much sense to me, things I haven’t been able to pinpoint. Like seeing horrific vivid images of my parents dead in the most gruesome way possible, imagining them naked and trying to have sex with me. That sounds so awful and I haven’t told anyone, but you guys finally opened my eyes of what that might be. I have weekly, sometimes daily panic attacks because I think any random pain is a tumor, blood clot, im having an aneurysm, heart attack, brain is going to pop, etc etc. Been to the doctor countless times, missed countless days of work, countless hospital visits. I freak out because I worry that there will be a carbon monoxide leak and call me and my family. And I just attributed all of this to severe anxiety, never thought it might be caused by OCD. This is somewhat of a relief, but at the same time, anymore it just feels like I’m collecting mental illnesses like Pokémon cards. I have severe cyclical depression, anxiety, ADHD, a somewhat new tic disorder, PTSD, and probably a couple other things that I forgot about. Everything diagnosed years ago besides the tic disorder. Maybe this is all a form of confirmation bias. Maybe I’m looking for things to relate and latch onto to add to my identity to seem even more pitiful for attention—that’s what I’m telling myself now, even though I *know* deep down that’s not true. That’s something I go through a lot, like *I know* something is more than likely the truth, but latching onto the “what if’s” and never letting myself trust anything fully. Idk if anyone will read this but I appreciate you guys. I haven’t talked to a therapist or psychiatrist in years but I think it’s time to get an appointment.",1 I was recently talking to my mother over the weekend and she told me a program I’m apart of to help autistic people find good jobs may have actually found me a position at my local movie theater. I was honestly shocked and very happy as I can finally have an actual job and not be rejected by the business manager just because of my disability. I’m honestly very happy and glade I can finally do something else in my life.,3 " I notice that there a lot of investment/trading discord chat. I never heard of a stock investment/trading for the autism community. I always wanted to help the community earn extra income, especially when the community has trouble maintaining a job. For a preview, here what an important rule of investment/trading. 1. No meme stock/crappy coin. 2. Always contribute to your portfolio. 3. Compounding is the solution, according to Albert Einstein. 4. The stock market is like a place to buy companies that you dream of owning. 5. Use stop loss to protect capital. Anybody would be down?",3 "When the thought pops up what is the best thing to do? Try to ignore it? Engage in it? (My current thought is one of jealousy/insecurity I think)",1 "so I've got ptsd from some events in my life. recently my area went into lockdown for a while so I've been spending ages alone, and during lockdown I had a fuck ton of trauma resurface that was basically just surrounded by a massive layer of dissociative amnesia. I had a flashback and my friend explained to me what I was talking about and whatnot during my flashback, and it was absolutely horrifying, to the point that when I got off the phone I threw up. it just feels like it's changed everything. it's added a huge layer onto what was already traumatizing for me, and it's added layers and layers of triggers surrounding the topic that haven't been this triggering or were even triggers for me prior to this shit resurfacing, and to the point that I feel so disgusting in my body and within myself. I just feel so alone. everything in my life has taken a huge shift since I've found this out and idk how to cope with it. it's so fucking terrifying having all this new knowledge relating to the event and I don't know what the fuck to do with all this new information. as much as I'm glad I remember it, I also fucking hate the fact that I have all this new info and knowledge of what happened to me, because it's horrifying and at least without this knowledge, I was struggling, but not this badly. I fucking hate the dissociation that's come along with my ptsd. it makes me feel so isolated and unsure about everything, and all it's done is make things worse.",3 "I was doing so well mentally and physically ever since August. I even stopped taking my meds (Aripiprazole) because of how well I was doing, I didn’t think I needed it anymore. Everything was going great in my life. Loving family, good friends, decent income, and overall just good lifestyle. I felt the sadness slowly creep up on me last night and I usually ignore it since I’m fine the next day, but it’s just stuck with me all day today. It’s affecting my productivity and my social skills. I don’t know what to do because I feel my brain going crazy with so many thoughts of irrational things I want to do. I’m a bit afraid of what I’m capable of as I have a history of self harm. What should I do?",2 "Bub woke up slightly earlier than normal. So I get up and feed him, easy task and hard to forget what I'm doing when it's all in one place. Change the diaper, fill the bottle, put formula in, feed the baby. Easy. Hard part starts when I get up to feed the cats. The cat is complaining, I need to give them biscuits. But I'm going to the kitchen so I take the bowls and cups from our lounge room to the kitchen, I want a tea, so I boil the kettle, thinking about other people now and remember I should go crack the blinds in our bedroom so the light wakes my husband slowly, I do that and give him a kiss, come back out and kettle is still boiling, I do... Something. Go back to the kettle and set up my cup with a tea bag and sugar. Remember oh right, cats need feeding. Go back to the cat bowl and see my cat there eating some biscuits. The something I did earlier was feeding the cats. Which I didn't recall doing until after because I was thinking about my son's breakfast schedule and when to give him his solid food at the same time. Fairing this as success because I did manage to do all the tasks in no particular order.",0 Does anyone have any good info/resources on autistic burnout?,3 "I seem to find happiness and contentment with one person but unfortunately it’s not reciprocated. I still struggle with my anger issues, and I know that really turns them down, but I can’t seem to let go of him. This been going on for 5 years. I’m not even in a relationship with this person, so that also makes me feel worthless, because I’m feeling dragged but he’s too kind for me to let go.",2 "As the title says. I don't know why im still here, im 28 and I never thought I would make it this far other than the fact that im too much of a failure to even follow through and end it. Other than family I have nothing and years ago I thought I couldnt bring myself to end it because they love me but now I just dont care, as selfish and horrible as that is, I just dont care. Its not reason enough anymore, I've dont many friends and ive never been in a relationship. I have one friend and as good a friend as he is, being around him just makes me realise how much I truly hate myself. He'll probably be gone soon anyway, any friends I have always leave and never talk to me again and I cant really blame them. Im not funny, smart or good looking and I struggle talking to people because I just have nothing to say. Even around my family, people I have known my entire life I struggle to speak because I have no idea what to say. I have no reasons to stick around but Im still here and dont know why, I feel like theres still a little shred of hope left inside me but i feel it burning out. I can almost feel my body and my brain just slowly giving up and shutting down. I've tried therapy and medication but I dont feel like its ever had any real effect. Medication just made me feel numb and therapy maybe helped a little but its expensive and any help it gave me was always temporary. I dont know why im posting here maybe just to vent, but if youre reading, thanks because its probably the most anyone has ever paid attention to me.",2 "Does someone even get cured from depression? ​ I have it for years now, sometimes it get better but usually is worse. I slept 12-15 hours today again, Im really tired.",2 On the day I was delivering my kid I was scared behind control. The fear wasn’t from giving birth but because I was checking to see the answer from the mental health group I’d confessed to about behavior I’d done when I was 13 or 14. I admitted that I’d been sexually inappropriate with my younger step brother when I was about 13 or 14 (not making excuses for what I’d done ) and what happened when I was 18 with my niece. ( I have always given my niece kisses on the mouth and felt I had violated her by giving her pecks on the lips. She was giving me more kisses than normal one day and my anxiety began to get Hugh snd decided to “check” that nothing was wrong with my niece or even (stupidly) see if she were exhibiting signs of being gay. . . So for years I’ve felt that by me giving her extra kisses and asking her was she okay that I’d molested her. ) oh and when I was pregnant my little brother gave me a hug and my hand I believe rested on his waist but something in me wondered if it were actually somewhere else and I pushed my finger down. THAT incident too made me feel like I’d violated my brother because I was wondering if I were actually touching his bottom. ... anyways I admitted all but the last incident on the forum and they told me they were potentially going to alert the authorities. I was petrified. It made me feel like never seeking help again. I don’t REALLY think I’m a monster because none of the instances except for what I did at 13 with my step brother was for gratification. The niece incident nor the hug incident. Idk maybe I am a monster. Do you all consider the hug or niece incident abuse ?,1 "I dislike myself. I linger in my mind and leave a sour taste on my tongue. Today I don't feel anything but a persistent feeling of disappointment. I want to wake up from this bad dream, or fall asleep tonight and dream forever.",2 "I'm 22M, staying with my parents, and my life has become stagnant these days. And there is nothing I can do for few months. I feel I'm returning back to being depressed. What can I do?",2 "As the title says. I did some reading on serial killers today and as you can imagine: Harm OCD was triggered. It used to be like ""you feel groinal responses when you see images of dead, mutilated, tied up people etc. but I've been able to kind of put that fear of it aside but now my brain sent me a signal that kind of went like ""you want to kill old people because theyre old and they don't care if they die"" and I have to remind myself that they don't and that it's not my job to end a life and that from a moral, legal, and just like... compassionate perspective (like you just cant end someone's conciousness) its just wrong and I know it is but I can't stop thinking about it. So I suppose that's why I'm making this post as well as just wanting to vent and maybe get some advice if you guys have any and if you do decide to share some it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.",1 "I just had one (due to a show lacking trigger warnings) and my chest still hurts like a mother f**ker. How do you deal with yours? Currently watching puppy videos and having tea, not helping much so far.",3 " this is a rant, i am very sorry, I know this doesn't really belong here, but I really don't know where else to go. i am working with my therapist on moving through to get diagnosed with either asd or something similar, but I'm scared my mother wont accept it because she wants me to be ""normal"". I just got back from driving my father to get groceries and I said to him that I dont understand societal concepts or rules like eye contact and basically he was like lol me too and told me that I he looks between their eyes instead of at their eyes and when he doesnt want to shake hands because hes scared his hands are sweaty he stands with hands out so they dont get sweaty. But like I never know when someone is about to give me a handshake so every time I never get to prepare and I just see someone with their hand out and I stand there like a fucking deer in the headlights bc I wasn’t ready. It makes me wonder if he felt like this and just got over it because like he said he didnt and doesnt understand some concepts but he just doesnt care what people think. But I mean like I relate to that bc I sometimes dont care what people think, but he has just learned to care less I guess. It makes me wonder if he just got through it better than me and its like this for everyone im just lame. Because a lot of the times I feel like I have to try really really hard to just to achieve the level of normalcy everyone else has. And its like Im doing things to help people because I really want to help but I dont know how to express that I genuinely want the best for them. And I just sometimes feel like im a fraud. Like I only have real friends because everyone else thought I was too weird so I sat with the people who rarely talked, and now theyre all I feel like actually know me. Because apparently when I was still dating ivy and I told her about this she said that sometimes it looked like I didnt understand what she was saying and she said it took me longer than normal to respond and she thought I looked confused. But now I dont know if she was telling the truth so I guess thats a grain of salt. I just want to know, like if my dad went through like 55 years of his life and noone noticed, and we are practically the same, then its probably in my head-but in the *I'm just crazy* way. Then I guess that just means that it isn’t true (that i has asd), everyone feels like this, noone actually knows what’s going on, we just learn how to hide it and don't talk about it. And maybe that's why my mom is so certain that I don't have asd, because they know me better than I know myself because they aren’t crazy. I feel like im going crazy. Everyone else gets it, everyone else cant see how I feel, but maybe how I feel is just how everyone feels when they have to go into society and pretend like its fine. I just dont see the point in pretending.",3 I’m looking for someone who suffers from Pedophilic Pure OCD or sexual obsessions to discuss with. I’ve been suffering with a variety of obsessions for 10 years now and I’m at the lowest I have ever been! I’m 19 years old on the verge of becoming an alcoholic and I’m scared of children! If you experience anything similar to this. I’d love to talk to you before I go insane on my own.,1 "My Psych UK assessment is tomorrow and I just noticed that on the text confirmation they sent it said I need to have photo ID ready in case I need to be prescribed medication during the appointment. From what I’ve been told/read here it seems unlikely they would prescribe medication during this initial assessment appointment anyway, but I don’t have photo ID - getting the application sorted to acquire official ID has been a total executive function nightmare for me for literally about 2 years at this point, it’s a huge mental block for me as it requires so many steps and I have failed to do it several times now. I don’t understand why Psychiatry UK would need photo ID from me anyway when I’ve been referred to them by my GP? Is this something other NHS right to choose patients have experienced?",0 "The past couple months have been one of the darkest times of my life. Here's what's been happening. A couple months ago, I was working, going to community college, and had a boyfriend. I was really happy with my boyfriend. He treated me pretty well, we had a close connection and talked everyday. He was the highlight of my life while things were going south. My job was starting to stress me out. I hated it and it was getting in the way of school and my social life, so I quit. I still don't really regret it. Now the biggest things in my life were school and my relationship. Despite going to a community college, I was struggling. I could not for the life of me focus on school. I would sit down with my homework, somewhere like a library to focus better, try to play some classical music or white noise. But no matter how hard I tried, I could not pay attention. I was getting so frustrated because homework that would take most people 15 minutes to finish was taking me 2 hours. It didn't matter how hard I tried, I couldn't focus. I reached a breaking point one evening. I had an essay due that night and I only had a few pages left to write. I went to a coffee shop, tried to sit down and focus, but I just couldn't. My brain just wasn't working right. I could only pay attention to my own thoughts and everything else around me except for my paper. I got so upset that I went to the car and started sobbing. I tried calling my mom, who offered to help, but I knew there was no way I could get this paper done tonight. I went home and continued to have a huge mental breakdown. I sobbed, collapsed to the floor, I ran outside because I didn't know where else to go, laid on the sidewalk and cried. I started having breakdowns before this, but this was by far my worst. I knew I needed help, so I called and got myself checked into a mental hospital. When I was first checked into the hospital, things still weren't good, but they were looking up. I thought I would get my mental health under control and figure out where to go from there. Things were fine until my second day there. I called my boyfriend and he asked if there was in person visiting. I told him there wasn't, so he told me over the phone that he wanted to break up. I broke down immensely in that moment. I was sobbing and begging but it was all out of my control. It felt like a sick joke. I want to explain how important my boyfriend was to me. I have severe social anxiety, so it's hard for me to make friends and form strong connections with people. When I met my boyfriend, I felt like we just clicked. I felt comfortable around him, which was so rare for me. And then I would hang out with his friends who I also felt good around. I felt like after years of being alone, I finally found my people. This felt like the light at the end of the tunnel that everyone has been telling me about. But I always had the thought in the back of my mind that this could be taken away from me any second. Any moment he could break up with me and I'll lose everything. And I know, I have codependency issues. But when you suffer from intense social anxiety and spend everyday alone, it's hard to not develop these issues when you finally find people you connect to. This doesn't mean that I don't want to fix these problems, I'm saying that I think it's understandable why I have them. Anyways, after the breakup I was devastated in the hospital. I already felt like I was at my lowest point and this just sent me down even further. I felt like I lost everything. Every night I would lie awake thinking of him. I would have to get up, but there wasn't much I could do to distract myself. I didn't have much to watch or anything to listen to, so I would try to color while these intense thoughts lingered in my head. I was eventually discharged from the hospital and I was determined to make things better. I wanted to focus on myself. I tried to treat myself, redo my hair, do healthy coping skills, talk to old and new friends. But the thing was, none of it was working. No matter how hard I tried to distract myself or focus on bettering myself, all I could think about was my ex. He really was the only thing making me happy for a while. And I know that's bad, I don't want that to be the case, but it was. I was really depressed around Halloween. Every year, I spend Halloween alone. I don't have friends, so I don't go to parties. This year I was supposed to spend Halloween night with my boyfriend and his friends watching movies. I was so excited. I thought that I finally wouldn't have to spend this night alone again. But he broke up with me. He got to have fun with his friends on Halloween, but I was alone yet again. And that really fucking hurts. I reached another low point a few days ago. I met a guy on a dating app. I'm not trying to get into another relationship because I'm definitely not ready. But I thought it'd be good to remind myself that there are other guys out there for me. This guy I met had a lot in common and he seemed pretty cool. We went and saw a movie. While I was in this theater, even though I just got my hair redone, even though I thought I looked nice, even though I was with this nice guy, all that was on my mind was my ex. I couldn't watch the movie or pay attention to my date. I went to the bathroom and started crying. I felt hopeless. I felt like I was doing everything I was supposed to do but I just couldn't get my ex off my mind. It was eating me alive. I kept my cool for the rest of the date and went home and broke down again. The next day I was having a lot of ""thoughts."" I called the hotline a few times. Lately I've just been sitting in bed, eating whatever I want, and just doing whatever I can to keep myself alive. I want to get better, I want to do things and accomplish things, but lately I've been drained. I have no willpower and I'm just waiting for some bit of motivation to come back, because everything truly feels out of my control now. Thanks for reading this, have a nice day/night.",2 "Hi r/ptsd. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and I just want to walk in with some knowledge. Last week, toward the latter half of our session, I opened up about some stuff that had happened as a kid (I'm like 27 now). Ever since then, I've really been struggling. But I don't know if my symptoms are necessarily related to the disclosing of the trauma. I would love to get some opinions/anecdotes from other users if it's possible that talking about a long-buried trauma from childhood can kinda lead to regression or the reverse of progress in healing. Specifically, I've noticed that my depressive and anxious symptoms have worsened. **Reasons for thinking that disclosing my trauma led to the worsening of these symptoms** * I've never opened up about this to someone before. When I first tried to open up about it 2-3 months ago, I couldn't speak properly and my therapist had to help ground me. * My therapist had repeatedly said before knowing this latest revelation that my childhood was traumatic and adverse. I still don't know if I believe that because I can't help but feel like maybe I'm exaggerating or being overdramatic. But maybe this latest revelation was the straw that broke the camel's back? * My appetite/mood/happiness/energy have overall decreased this week. My irritability/fatigue/head-fog have increased this week. **Reasons against thinking that disclosing my trauma led to the worsening of these symptoms** * Before this last session, I had been struggling to deal with winter break from school and my therapist noticed that I had a history of struggling with too much free time. Maybe this is just a continuation of that adjustment * I'm behind on my school work and that's weighing on me pretty heavily since I feel guilty/ashamed about that. When I've been behind in school, it's caused similar symptoms. * I also don't want to discount the environment: we're still in a pandemic, my first year of medical school is officially going to be remote which sucks, and the winter sucks. Given this list, I'm not sure what to think. Have people before experienced a similar phenomenon? Or am I over-thinking it and it's perhaps just a continuation of previously existing issues? Thanks for your help!",3 "Don't have PTSD myself, but asking for a guy I've been dating. He has PTSD from childhood trauma (father specifically) and has been trying his best to cope. Today when we were hanging out, he mentioned that he has very vivid memories of going to see Mr. Popper's Penguins 2 in the movie theater, and specifically named a scene that took place in the subway. He told me he knows it doesn't exist after looking it up, but insists he remembers seeing it, and he thought the false memory could have something to do with his trauma (like some kind of wall/coping mechanism). Has anyone else experienced anything this vivid, or even similiar? Or is it the sign of a more serious issue? Thanks!",3 I ruminate about my past a lot and I stress and worry over some thoughts that pop into my head. I then think of how irrational some of it sounds and that helps a bit. I then try to tidy up my room and my life around me to lower the complexity in my head. Thoughts just suck. It gets especially worse when I smoke weed which I admit I have been doing. I'm quite high in trait neuroticism.,1 "I don't speak English and this post was made through my smartphone, so please have patience with my formation and (lack of) vocabulary and horrible grammar. I have a need to: swing; hit something such as a wall, frame, my bed, my phone, et cetera; or move my fingers, hand, legs or other parts of my body in a certain rhythm (it's random as far as I noticed). Is that normal? I sometimes hit the wall to produce sound, sometimes I move my legs in a way it matches the rhythm... It sometimes happens without me noticing it, sometimes I do it consciously and even feel frustrated if I can't do it the exact way I'm thinking and the rhythm is mismatched. Is that normal? Is that worth visiting a doctor? Or am I just a natural born musician? jk on the last part, but the question is serious. I don't have OCD, I wasn't diagnosed with that either, but my grandfather has that and I do have a few weird quirks, but nothing that bothers me or anyone besides this 24/7 rhythm. I don't even know how to play an instrument so I find it hard to be related to it.",1 "[[[A little background story so that you have a better picture of my problem. If you want you can skip this part as I am aware it turned out to be pretty long.]]] For a long time now my mental health has been decreasing to the point when I couldn't take it anymore and decided to get treatment. The thing is I never considered ocd could be the issue and I regarded my obsessive thoughts as something ridiculous that is purely my fault and shouldn't be discussed with my psychiatrist because it will only make them confused. Because of this I only shared the things I thought are important and make my life hard like low energy and stuff. I got SSRI prescribed and she recommended me to go to psychotherapy. Unfortunately I only consider free options so I have to wait until next year for it to begin because a lot of people are signed up for free psychotherapy. After getting my medication I got a bit better and I had a break from my obsessive episodes. I came to the conclusion that my obsessions were just my brain's way of distracting me from 'the real issues' and that I must have not realized I was just depressed before. Recently I had this sudden idea to look more deeply into what ocd is, just in case I missed something when doing my obsessive mental health research before. Really quickly I became extremely obsessed with the topic and it started causing me a lot of distress.I couldn't focus at all and was sick of thinking about it all the time. I booked an appointment with my psychiatrist to explain to her that I am not convinced I want to take medication anymore and that I might have ocd but I'm not sure. Unfortunately my appointments are pretty short so she didn't really help me out. She just said again that she recommends I go to psychotherapy and discuss my problems there. I felt terrible. The only place I could go to quickly so that I can discuss what is going on with me just gave me a basic answer that didn't really address my issue. I felt hopeless. What's even worse is that my obsessive episode started at the time when I was starting university. I couldn't focus at all at all my classes, I am allowed to skip only one class from each subject and I already skipped my first math class because I overslept after googling and ruminating about ocd for a few hours at night. I got a bit of hope back after finding out my university offers students who feel unwell a meeting with a psychologist. I have no idea if it will be a better meeting then the one with my psychiatrist but it's still good news. [[[This is the part in which I explain my concerns regarding the question.]]] The thing is I couldn't bare my obsession getting in a way of my studies anymore so I tried to find some self help tactics until I can talk with a professional and hopefully get some advice. I started delaying my compulsive ocd research for a later time of day instead of doing it all the time and I can see it helping but I'm more anxious than ever. Maybe this sounds ridiculous but it feels like when I was living in an illusion of my compulsive research to be something helpful I was not aware of how anxious I am until the obsessions grew out of proportion and made everyday life difficult. Ever since I started delaying I am more productive and focused on everyday life but I started feeling constantly anxious. What I'm scared of is that I never had a problem to begin with and I made this all up. So the more I will try to treat this made up mental problem the more I will actually be anxious and this will ruin me. I'm sorry that this became an extremely long post but I'm just really desperate and I can't get professional help yet so I'm fighting this all on my own.",1 "So, I’ve not been sure if I’ve just been overreacting, projecting my insecurities onto others, or if there’s something to this, but whenever I talk to anyone, it seems like they think I’m stupid in that if I ask questions, I get a, “that was so obvious, you should know that,” response and then, I think I shouldn’t of asked at all. Edit: for more context, I ask questions a lot.",3 That’s it. I wanna go now. I don’t care enough to wait for some slim possibility. I want to not be here anymore :),3 "I often find that I'm a really boring person with normie NTs, only my nerdy friends laugh at my jokes but I'm kinda cringey when I'm around normal people. What should I do? I honestly hate the fact that my jokes are so niche, sometimes I make girls laugh which has been good for my dating life but after a while they get tired and leave. I just wanna be normal and don't know how I should proceed.",3 "Hi there. I (21F) highly suspect myself to have ADHD. I've never been diagnosed as my mother was not a very big proponent of mental health. I have always been ""the weird kid"". I jump from hyper fixation, to hyper fixation, and back again. So many projects started, never finished. I was an overachiever in elementary and middle school, and when high school hit I found it hard to apply myself. I sought out a diagnosis because I have been struggling immensely at work. I can't stay off my phone. I can't listen enough to take in information during meetings. I received a corrective action during training because I wasn't paying attention... I was looking down and drawing in order to help myself focus. The psychiatrist I went to sent me to a psychologist. They came back with a diagnosis of GAD (already knew this) and bipolar disorder. When I asked why, I was told that I would have to speak with the psychologist again to have her explain her diagnosis. I highly disagree with this. I don't experience mood swings. I'm tired all the time, regardless of how much sleep I get. I have nearly gotten myself into car accidents because my bird brain decides I really need to know the address on a billboard for a casino -- I don't gamble. My money management skills are pretty great, and I'm not impulsive. I don't have ups and downs, I have a constant lack of focus if the subject material isn't something related to my current hyperfixations. I struggle to take care of myself and home due to ""blindness"" -- I don't even notice dishes, I struggle to get myself to stop doing what I'm doing and switch tasks to do simple things like shower. I experience a TON of rejection-sensitive dysphoria, and completely shut down when someone I care about seems upset with me. My mother was abusive, and I carry a lot of childhood trauma with me, as well (for context). I feel like they aren't taking me seriously or may be wary of diagnosing a woman with ADHD. What should I do? What do I tell them to get them to listen? Should I seek an entirely separate opinion? Please help. They want to put me on mood stabilizers. I already have my anxiety med and I really, really don't think I have bipolar. I don't want to start anything that isn't going to help me... I want to be able to perform at work, do chores. Thanks for any suggestions in advance.",0 I can imagine it so vividly. Like watching a film of me doing it from my POV. Nothing has ever made feel this calm in 7 years.,3 "So, I keep getting frequent nightmares of the person I trust the most (my partner) betraying that trust through things like cheating, and choosing drugs over me, etc. Any advice on how to try and overcome this? It has really fucked with my paranoia, and making me constantly overthink, as well as always waking up feeling depressed. I mean, witnessing your partner cheating in your dreams almost every night is not something I really enjoy... Please help..",3 "like...they could have reacted with a raised voice because of X,Y,Z, or a combination of X and Y, but not Z, but either way I can't tell with 100% certainty or If I tell them this piece of information it could result in them thinking A or B, but could hurt my argument if they think C, but because of XYZ background info I know about this person, it is less likely for them to think C, but they could always surprise me because I might not be aware of other information so I can't with 100% certainty tell if this person can be trusted with this piece of information. or When I said that thing, everybody could probably tell that I said it because I'm X, but it is also equally likely that they did not consider this at all or that they considered Z or I 70% believe this person will be safe to talk to but on the other hand I am equally prepared that they will try to stab me in the neck with a penknife if I put myself alone in the room with them",3 "For most of my education, I’ve been in a smaller community of people that knew me well and accepted my condition. Now, however, I’m going into a larger high school, and I’m scared. Does anyone have advice for an autistic kid entering high school?",3 "Sorry if it's not the good flair. Now my life is not currently in crisis. I somehow managed to keep my work and pass my exam. But i'm sick. Sick to have so many difficulties to fucking start to work. Sick of being unsble to stay concentrate more than 10 min. Sick of forgetting litteraly everything. Sick of spending my day to do what could have done in one hours. And live with this feeling of constant stagnation. Plus i'm pretty sure my current hygiene of life will kill me soon if i continue to follow it.",0 "I was tortured and wrongly imprisoned in my country for 7 years. I talk to therapists and at points they look like they are about to cry when I’m explaining my trauma. All the psychiatrists involved with helping me tell me they don’t know what to do for my situation. I don’t know if anyone else could give me some supporting advice if they have been a victim of severe repeated trauma.",3 "It's not actually the germs that one is afraid of, rather, your model of the surface of your limb, or whichever part of your body you don't want it to come in contact with. It's a symbiotic relationship between body-parts, that expect purity at all times. I will first communicate what kind of OCD I have: The surfaces that my hand touches, or in other words my palm are in a symbiotic relationship with my nose. My anxiety is rooted in the fear itself that uncertain things, may they be germs, unknown objects of any small size, that I can't feel, because otherwise I could tell that there's something on the surface of my palm/hand, and the notion of the unknown would become redundant. As you may infer, there's something strange going on with my nose-hand relationship. I know, sounds hilarious. I can only speak for for my fix, so here's how it works: Throughout the day, I plug in every finger gently into my nostrils for less than a second, which alerts my mind to update its model of the anxiety it usually connotates with the palm of my surface: the unknow, germs, objects, hence there's no need for panic, if you expose yourself to that limb/surface, that supposedly carries the anxiety-causers. I do each hand, consisting of 5 fingers, for every nostril, and afterwards gently glide over the mid-range of my nose tip. There's also a mapping process going on, whatever is on the surface of my palm mixes together within the nostrils, with whatever was on that other palm. And, yes, my mind seems to consider each hand A and B, they're not mutually exclusive in actuality, their function, that is. But, each surface my palm touches has its own distinct surface-data, as I will call it. Which, basically mix together in the nostril. As the precocious reader may infer, the problem with Contamination-OCD lies in the formation of world models, and the relationship the body has with itself within that model. As far, as I can tell from personal experience. ~~This is the end of my OCD journey, since the success rate seems to be 100%.~~ I encourage you to comment, and describe your variant of Germaphobia. Perhaps I can help. edit: spelling. side note: I haven't read anything on OCD beforehand, whether what I've written is common practice, or not. I didn't know, and do not know. edit2: this isn't a fix, it's just another rationalization that'll lead to nowhere.",1 "I’m having a time. I know I’ll get better but I have to weather through this bad patch. A new fun thing is I’m keeping my jaw clenched so tightly I have broken a tooth in the last week and for real my jaw mussels have gotten so big it’s changing my face shape. My partner actually pointed it out yesterday. I have a mouth guard for when I sleep now. But it’s happening a lot when I’m awake too. Anyone got this under control? Any tips?",3 I feel like whenever I get to the phase in dating when you spend all your time together and share lives the relationship goes downhill. I think maybe that part just doesn't work for me but I do want to date seriously. Can anyone relate?,3 "For anyone else out there struggling, this song has helped me a lot! It's basically a letter to my OCD, reminding me where the blame really belongs! I'll post the lyrics in the comments.",1 "I was supposed to write a paper about/for philosophy. There wasn't a lot of guidance given, so I started with a rather strange premise and somehow ended up at this conclusion. I don't know where to take the paper from here. At this point the paper seems more of an example of how not to write a paper than a serious discussion. I never in my life thought that I would end up writing this sentence in any form, let alone semi-seriousness. Good grief. I'm not asking for help with the paper, I just thought this was funny and wanted to share with people who might appreciate it. Apparently there have already been studies done to see if there are autistic bees It is supposed that bees can be autistic I have learned something today",3 "I hate myself and don't know what to do. I feel powerless to stop myself and am concerned about destroying my health but have little drive to make healthy decisions. I don't know how things got worse than like 5 servings of panda express and an entire pie in one day, or an entire sleeve of oreos, or 4 muffins and a bunch of mcdonalds, but it seems like they have gotten worse, and I don't know what to do to stop myself before it's too late.",2 "to preface this, i have not been diagnosed with ocd nor am i self diagnosing with it though i definitely show some symptoms. okay, hear me out. I dont mean the title as being self pitying but rather i feel incredibly annoying bc i keep doing this. basically, how do i stop feeling the pull to tell my mother EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. not only r*assurance (censored bc potential bot) but also if i keep things from her it feels like i’m going to like explode from the weight of it staying inside my brain or something. the problem is that i’m constantly doing this and sometimes i interrupt her — I can hold off when she’s on the phone or doing something serious but while i’m waiting all that’s on my mind is telling her whatever i meant to tell her. this really isn’t a sustainable way of life so if anyone has tips on how to get rid of these urges please give !! (writing it down to vent has not worked as is so far, just as a heads up. i need someone to hear and reciprocate me to feel “okay” again, so i might just need distraction techniques.)",1 "Like, what *do* women in their early 20’s like? The bachelor? Tik tok? I genuinely have no idea EDIT: okay obviously I know not everyone has the same interests but I can guarantee a very small portion of women my age actively play pokemon and are trying to complete the national pokédex",3 "I notice so many people seem upset by how little they achieve, do, how little relationships they have and I honestly dont understand. If I could live alone, and without human contact or background noise ever forced on me I absolutely would. Also I really like sleeping in the day. Like I see people talking about degenerate sleep schedules but when I actually tried to sleep at 12am, it felt like so much effort and just seemed tiring. So many people seem to want to achieve goals that they didnt even give themselves. Oh and another thing... I dont understand why people need relationships. I mean I want a girlfriend, but I want specific flavors of girl(or boy)friend, not just anyone who is attractive or nice. People say lower your expectations, but I'd rather lower the expectations of ever meeting this criteria than the expectations of people at this point. Idk why I wanted to post this here but it felt like someone might relate. Sorry if it's all over the shop.",3 "so, back in 2017 i nearly died. I had really severe blood clots in my lungs to the point where, on the MRI, you could literally see bloodflow stop going into my right lung before miraculously reappearing an inch further down the main artery and the rest of it was a mess of clots. my left lung had about 1/4 of it blocked up too. I feignted in hostpital from oxygen deprevation after i bent over post shower. Docs never really did figure out if i had a full on heart attack from the stress (my poor heart was screwed, like... right side double that of the left) or if it was due to a blood clot moving and making things worse. Ultimatly i woke up surrounded by people and proceded to watch my blood pressure and oxygen levels fluctuate post resuccitation, defib on standby. THEN, when i was being transferred to the bed in ICU, stupid me thought i was fine to slide across the other bed myself..... i was not. Stopped breathing for about a minute as it seemed my airway just clamped shut. i was pretty close to being intubated. btw.... i was so tired from lack of oxygen by this point i couldnt even speak! no surgery thank god, they were able to give me a really powerful blood thinning drug that had me literally up and walking about like... 4-5 hours after everything. But it seriously screwed with me. i didnt cry or react at all during hospital. It wasnt till i was finally off standard blood thinners and financially stable back at uni when i started a new job that my brain actually started to process shit and i started having panic attacks when i had trouble breathing or medical things got brought up. post event i loved med dramas and i couldnt watch them afterwads without having a panic attack. needless to say that was the begining off my ptsd symptoms. Somethings have gotten better over the years, i havnt had a paanick attack in over a year now and i can watch medical stuff again without panicing too bad. sometimes it still hits me but alot less than it used to. Whats worse though.. is it seems that whenever my life gets better mentallly i get worse. I got formally diagnosed with anxiety 2019 and tht uce balls but i found a great doctor who helped me manage it with meds and my general anxity was undercontrol. recently though, ive jjut move in with my boyrien and things are great but mentall seem to be getting worse again. I get almost overstimulated with noise, i jumped at sudden and loud noises before but now when theres alot of clashing noise or alot of loud constant noises i start wanting to cry and run away because it just wont stop. Wich is a problem because i work in a call centre. so been seing the doc and got propranonol, wich helpss great... until it doennt. Ive aloo h my depression come bc. im tin with my doctor soon about maybe changing my meds. ive done alot of mindfulness therapy etc with counsellors and imbegining to wonder... i fee at a loss for what to do as every time i take steps forward, something seems to push me back.Would it be worth forking out the cash for a clinical psych? ps. please ignore typos. my keyboard likes to go on the fritz after typing for a while and starts to miss keys i hit.",3 "Hey all, I was hoping to hear about anyone’s experience with prazosin - my doc recommended it about a month ago but I didn’t want to try it at the time (I don’t like the idea of taking things that put me to sleep). I have a hard time falling asleep some nights, other nights waking up frequently, nightmares that I don’t always remember, and really bad night sweats (sorry if tmi!). I’m already on two meds and I hate the idea of adding a third, but if it’s really going to make a difference then maybe it’s worth it. Thanks in advance!",3 "The last few weeks I've been hyperfixated on Red Dead Redemption 2! ​ I got the game just after it came out on PC which was just over 2 years ago but I procrastinated on playing it as I know the game was very long and I just wasn't in the right mind frame to play it. Decided a few weeks ago it was time and I'm OBSESSED! I've never played a game that is so detailed! I'm in love with the main character Arthur Morgan! ​ I've spent 70 hours so far on this game and still a bit more to go but I'm not rushing myself as I'm trying to make sure I get a chance to see mostly everything! Side missions are so fun! ​ Its just gone 10am and I've been playing for the past 10 hours! Its completely ruined my sleep even though my sleep has always been crap but I DON'T GIVE A FUCK because I'm enjoying myself! The last few days I've been awake all night and not going to sleep until lunch time because of hyperfocusing on this game! ​ Anyway, what have you been hyperfocused/hyperfixated on recently?",0 "I’m not sure where to start. I don’t have an official diagnosis (the last person I saw told me I couldn’t have PTSD because I wasn’t a veteran) but I’m fairly certain the shoe fits. I’m currently on waitlists for seeking more qualified help but it’s been a year already and I’m tired of waiting idly. I’m not looking for a diagnosis here or anything, I just really want to get the ball rolling on making life more livable. I guess my most pressing concerns are the constant intrusive thoughts, and the way I respond when I am triggered. I’m tired of living day to day with a million thoughts of how everything could kill me. It gets in the way of my studies, commute, and everything. I also have no idea how to navigate my triggers right now, as due to the nature of my trauma they tend to crop up in very benign conversations. I guess I’m just looking for any suggestions that you’ve found works for you?",3 "I haven’t been much of a recreational smoker in years. But here I am. Not caring about a damn thing. I spent a couple weeks actively searching for therapists that specialize in trauma. First doc called out on the day of my appointment (that I scheduled 2 weeks in advance) and never called to reschedule. Second doc wasn’t taking new clients. Third one had limited availability and was too far. Why is it so hard to find a therapist? Anyways, hope others out there are having an easier go at it than me.",3 "I have good friends, but I still feel lonely in the sense that I can't connect to anyone on a really deep level. I have delt with anxiety and depression for a long time, at times worse than others. I'm not a virgin, but I've never had a gf and I'm 20. This loneliness eats at my soul and I believe it stems from emotional neglect in my childhood as well as a porn addiction I've had since I was 9. I need help",2 I’m so tired of being in pain. My meds weren’t making me feel better anymore. I saw something that made me insanely angry and sad tonight and I hurt myself but that didn’t make me feel any better. I’m so fucking tired. I don’t what the fuck is stopping me right now but something is,2 So I've dated two people one was an NT (athough I think she did have issues that just weren't diagnosed but probably not autism) and one was an aspie. Both were equally terrible. So I'm wondering how well aspies can date NTs. Idk any other female aspies so that's really my only option.,3 "I start and drop them. Then they revolve back to me at random. I buy items for the hobbies and don’t stick with any consistently. The items are sectioned off in their place. I started a minor photography hobby, painting with the purchase of an easel, yoga, tarot cards, sewing, reading books, own dvds, hiking, and gardening. I once started skateboarding and rollerblading LONG AGO. I have to sell those items. I write and have books on writing. I’m about to write in hoarding. Oh and have found clothes or pieces to wear with my outfits that resulted in too many clothes in a tub.",0 "I still function, but feel miserable. I feel really anxious at times. I have some sleep issues with dreaming and waking up a lot. Some nights I can hardly sleep. I get dreams and hear sounds when I'm about half asleep. This stresses me out. My appetite is fine. I struggle with fatigue and headaches at times. I don't seem to care about being as social as I used to be. I visited a pcp and eventually had a mental health assessment. I didn't get any answers yet.",2 "Hi I am a 22 y/o male and im going through rough times right now. Ive been on many antidepressants since the age of 14 (zoloft 150, paxil 40, wellbutrin 150, trintellix 15). I honestly feel like antidepressants made me go over some things but also messed up some parts of my life. Ive tried so many times to tapper off of them but I just failed everytime. It messed up my sex drive and relationships for the past 8 years of my life. Im currently on 15mg Trintellix and im not feeling any better right now. Im just kind of hopeless honestly. I keep feeling extremely terrible over and over again for no reason. Im fixing some stuff up in my life but I keep having these extreme lows of depression and anxiety even with medication. It wasnt the case before. I used to be fine on antidepressants but now the numbing is not enough and it surfaces through. I got no one to talk about it. Actually I do but im just too introvert and anxious to talk about any of this with anyone. I really feel trapped and alone and it’s the worse. I hope it get’s better I want to live my life… Ive put myself in a terrible financial situation which I am slowly recovering from. I still haven’t got over my ex and it’s been over 3 years. Our relationship went bad mostly because of the sexual dysfunction from antidepressants. Covid ruined the little bit of hope I had to be an adult and have a job (I studied for a year and then covid struck right away and I just didn’t pursue anything in that lane afterwards). And I guess theres more but Ill stop there you get the idea. It just gets worse and it affects my self esteem. I tell myself horrible stuff like I won’t be able to be normal ever and I will need to numb myself for my whole life. Or I will never know love even tho it’s what I desire the most. I need help but it just feels like theres no help in this world. I see a therapist and it kind of helps but I just keep getting deeper into it and idk what to do. That’s pretty much it … thank you if you have read this.",2 "It wouldn't have been a serious problem usually, as I'm not a heavy drinker, but recent life changes got me drinking. I live with my narcissist mother. So the cleaning lady which I have no quarrel with thought me being rude toward my mother (I came to the living room and explained as calmly as I could that this broken glass was one of my routine objects). My nmom obviously don't take any kind of responsibility, she fired the cleaning woman (IDGAF really) and thinks it's something she can maybe say sorry about, but me? This is just totally unexpected. It's not like my life depends on drinking in classic lowball glass, and it being the first one I bought more than 10 years ago kinda makes it special for me. I tried looking for a replacement. Something similar... I failed in my search. I bought something fancy, a good looking glass... But it's not the same and I just keep on crying about it. And I said something about my nmom might be sorry right? this is a big might, as she usually don't really get any of my ""broken boundaries"" incidents, and acts as if (which is actually likely the case) she doesn't know anything about Aspergers. And me? I'm in fits of crying trying to sleep",3 "My favorites are [Kayla Cromer IG](instagram.com/kaylacromerofficial And Chloe Hayden [Chloe Hayden IG](instagram.com/chloeshayden)",3 "So, I had pretty successful treatment for PTSD some time ago (EMDR plus some talk therapy) and a lot of my symptoms are under control. Unfortunately for me I am still full of rage. My trauma was such that I didn't find out who was responsible for it for years. By the time I knew, they were out of my life. I'm angry that I never got to confront them, that I was nice to them when I didn't know how they'd hurt me and others, and that they haven't faced any consequences, and that they've probably gone on to hurt other people in similar ways. I think about them often and I hope horrible things happen to them. And I guess this is understandable, but I know it isn't good for my health, and it's a pall on my otherwise-improved mental well-being. God knows what it's doing to me physically. I want to move towards a place of forgiveness, or at least to a place of indifference to them as people, to truly gain some peace after all this. Before PTSD I never really used to hold grudges, but a lot of the attitudes I had before that helped me not be angry at people just don't seem to work if I apply them here. A lot of the advice about anger online seems to be about not lashing out at people (which I never have) and a lot of the forgiveness content is non-instructional or religious, which doesn't help me much. If anyone's got strategies that help with this, I'd be really grateful.",3 "Anybody out there with severe physical hyperactivity as an adult? I feel like I never see other adults on here talk about actually physical hyperactivity. Most people describe restless thoughts and stuff but I haven't seen people talk about that feeling of being driven by a motor. I'm super physically hyperactive. I can't sit still whatsoever and I will randomly jump, clap and run around my room. I don't even have time to think about it. It just comes over me. It drives my family crazy. But lucky it almost completely goes away when I take my medication. Can anyone relate?",0 "Sorry for posting so much but I started ritalin last week, and twice now I've noticed small clumps of hair after my shower and just a bit more hair loss during the day. I'm unsure if its the medication, or if it could be something else. I have been really stressed these past weeks as well, and whilst I have very little side effects, one I do experience is that my anxiety is increased and im handling stress a lot less. Additionally I've been eating a lot less, both due to a lessened appetite but also because I had a tendency to eat *extra* cause of hypoglycemia symptoms I've had for 5 years now (until I started ritalin). I dont eat nothing, but for example today I had some quark(?) With a banana and cruisli, couple hours later I had 2 crackers, when I got home I had 2 bites of chocolate and a small mandarin with some tea and later ill have dinner. And then there's fall, and apparently its not uncommon to lose more hair during fall season. I am planning on letting my doctor or psychiatrist know about this, but im very on edge about it. I've seen it being a symptom for others as well, but im unsure if its the medication itsself or the heightened stress its caused me, or the diet changes, or literally just the season. Has anyone managed to treat it? I'm thinking about taking hair vitamins of some kinda to maybe balance it out a bit, or maybe even go for minoxidil or something. But everyone says something different about those things. I really don't wanna quit medication, or even switch, cause while it hasn't helped my adhd that much so far (I feel the dose may be too low), it has practically cured my hypoglycemia* and thats been an ongoing untreated daily struggle for 5 years now, and I really don't wanna go back to feeling so sick everyday and feeling like I have no control. But I don't think I can handle hair loss, I don't mind side effects but that's just one I cant handle.",0 "TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT when i was 8 years old i was raped by my father, after that i don’t really remember what happened. about two months ago though (around 10 years after), i getting these memories back of what happened that day in pieces. i won’t talk much about what these memories are, i just want to know if this sort of memory loss has happened to others. my parents divorced when i was just a baby and one day my father came from the US to visit me. this was the first time i had ever seen him (aside from when i was a baby as i could not remember him). my mother let him take me out for a day and we had food, went to the park, etc. he then brought me back to his motel room. he went to the bathroom and left the doors opened and he had completely undressed and said it was ok for me to come in, that it was normal since i am his daughter. im not going to talk about the details of what happened after but he essentially pinned me down and raped me. this occurred on the last day he was staying and after that, i never heard from him except for the yearly phone call on my birthday. after this happened, i didn’t remember anything. i’m not sure how long after it happened where everything just went blank. i hadn’t thought about what had happened at all until one day i drove past the motel he was staying at and i thought about my father and started remembering. my memory started coming back in really intense and graphic fragments, in bits and pieces. i’m not really sure how to describe what i’m experiencing right now but even without any triggers of that day i’m disassociating a lot and getting hit with these memories and i’m getting flashbacks in my sleep. i’m not sure how it got to this point, maybe it was so traumatic that my mind just blocked it out???? i know i need to see therapy, which i will as soon as i can afford it (my mother does not believe in therapy and i also did not tell her about this), but my question is, is this normal? like i know ptsd is not necessarily normal but has anyone else experienced something similar where you just blocked out the memories and are starting to get them back? is there any advice you can give on how to cope for the time being as these flashbacks are getting do intense that i’ve been getting panic attacks. anyways thanks for reading, hope you’re doing okay.",3 "I'm working on a project for a class today, and I noticed that I kept backing away from the work to adjust something minor to my environment. *It's too dark in here; I should turn on this lamp. I don't think my trackpad will be enough, so I'll dig out my mouse. This playlist is wrong.* I'm no stranger to procrastination—it's the only way I've ever managed to clean anything in my apartment in a timely manner. This feels a bit different, though. I don't know if it's my brain looking for even the slightest out from focusing on something or if I'm just really sensitive to the slightest discomfort when I'm trying to dig down and focus on something. Does anyone else have this problem?",0 "Hi. I'm 26, doing my master's degree and currently working with lobby in Brazil. I don't know from my research in my country any politician with autism but would be great to know any currently or historical politicians who happen to be autistic.",3 "When I was 16 I was SA. I can not remember all of the details but for context; I come from a super strict Christian household, I met up with a “friend” behind my parents back for the first time, came back home deflowered and traumatized. I am now 26 years old now. On Thursday, my husband yelled at me over something trivial. Something about his tone of voice put me right back in the backseat of my parents SUV, my dad calling me the worst daughter ever while forcing plan B down my throat. I have been dissociating and having flash backs ever since. My husband has apologized, he never yells at me usually. Is it normal to feel emotionally paralyzed sometimes while this is happening? How do yall cope? This specific trauma has been repressed so far down that I have not worked on it in therapy at all recently. The only reason I know what dissociation is, is thanks to TikTok!!!",3 "I repressed my trauma for a long time before realizing it. Because of this, my therapist warned me that I would begin to discover triggers. Songs, phrases, smells, etc. Discovering the trigger is helpful, bc I know what to avoid but it also sucks bc obviously it’s a trigger. My response is freeze. It’s like my brain goes offline for a moment and my vision blurs. My face contorts into a contempt scowl with wide eyes and I’m stuck. Even when I do “unfreeze”, my face stays the same for a while. I only realized that today. My girlfriend snap chatted me and called me a pet name my abuser would call me and I froze for a bit. I wound up sending back a picture of my hand bc my face looked so upset and I couldn’t change it. I hate that my response is freeze. I go completely numb. I can’t move to change a song or look away or anything until it passes. I hate triggers.",3 "He's gone. Good riddance. Thank you for your time. Someone can lock this topic since it's just redundant now. Keep an eye out for the inevitable alt account that'll pop up, but...maybe we'll get lucky and it'll not. -------- Edit: changed all the links that lead outside this subreddit to NP (and should've had the foresight to do so in the first place) because people are interacting with the linked posts. Stop engaging with his stuff there. This is so people're aware about a safety issue in this subreddit. Brigading other subs is not only against the site's TOS, but they can track that you clicked in from this sub. Karma doesn't matter, but Reddit's sitewide rules do. Don't get me wrong, I get why you're doing it. Just please - don't. This is rough stuff. If you're having a bad day, *especially if you have any experience with sexual abuse, grooming in particular,* scrolling down isn't a good idea. Fourth and last warning. -------- People who don't know me - or my medical needs - need to stop worrying that this is going to 'trigger' me and I won't be able to handle it. I can manage this myself, thanks. My end of the shit stick's firmly in remission. I'm an adult too, doing more than okay, and this is starting to come off as derailing at best and condescending at worst. Of course I'm pissed off and disgusted. Yes, I give many fucks about this. But seriously...I'm okay. Part of why I did this is so nobody in a less-stable place has to. -------- **This is all from within the last 48 HOURS. Yes, I did already report his comments in this sub to staff.** ***If*** **you agree that this is unacceptable, and people shouldn't be in this sub when they're clearly getting off to the trauma factor - at best - and preying on women at worst, feel free to send in your own additional reports on the comments he's posted.** **That will likely give this higher priority in an internal queue of mod reports, though I'm not 100% certain about Reddit's particular moderation center.** Don't forget - this is just what this guy posts in public for everyone to see, too. Imagine what he tries to pull in DMs if he has any illusion of privacy. [Here's him hitting on OP because her history of sexual abuse is just so sexy and perfect.](https://np.reddit.com/r/TooAfraidToAsk/comments/lhbc5i/tw_sexual_abuse_would_you_datebe_interested_in_a/gmwp505/) ------------------- > I ONLY date women like you. No, I am not some derranged perv with a thing for victimized girls. I am a male survivor with pretty significant trauma and 30 years of PTSD. You are like the perfect woman to me. I don't have to explain a thing, you already get it. People with traumatic childhoods speak a common language. We have similar issues to deal with, maybe even the same triggers. I have been with ""normal"" women. Never again. They are belittling and cruel. You my type and I cannot be alone in this. 1 in 4 girls. 1 in 5 boys. That's millions of people. Topic title: > [TW Sexual Abuse] Would you date/be interested in a girl that had been sexually abused as a young child? Apparently he exclusively dates sexual abuse survivors because they can """"relate"""" to him. Only they also have to be half his age, because he fetishizes age gaps. Oh, and he prefers chubby women because they're ""more giving with themselves"", and ""more willing"". (Don't worry, we'll get to the lovely comments about that!) Seems *legit.* That whole suspiciously-enthusiastic, unprovoked, very r/SelfAwareWolves Not A Perv I Swear speech is because multiple people confronted him yesterday-ish about this. He's in full defense mode. Dude sure does like his ""my creepy sexual preferences are all because of PTSD, so I shouldn't have to worry about whether I'm hurting anyone else with them"" excuses. Normal women are so bitter and cruel...lol. They call him creepy just for wanting to jack off to your sexual abuse, guys. :( This poor victim. There must be a conspiracy among all the woman who aren't half his age and so broken that he seems normal and safe for longer than 30 seconds. Yeah, that must be it. He gets one creeped-out reply. As with every other comment from someone he creeps out, he immediately ghosts the conversation. Perhaps because he's had this conversation quite often *(for some mysterious reason)* and already knows how it's going to go, and he just doesn't care? But that's just my best guess at interpreting complete silence from someone who has had no counterargument to ""wtf this is predatory"" besides ""I have PTSD and I'm immature so I've decided it's okay. Anyways, why am I all alone? It's so sad how *""""""normal""""""* women can't stand me, even tho I'll never post a specific example because people sure do always agree with the womens' concerns whenever I do."" [Here's him beelining to a topic posted by a virgin to give creepy, lurid ""advice"" that's really just him fantasizing about the situation.](https://np.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/lg9i7f/first_time_with_a_girl_and_im_freaking_out/gmq4txw/) ------------------- > Be cool. You guys are smack in the middle of that amazing young, lusty, passionate, mind-blowing sex phase that makes life worth living. Just go with it and try not to over-think the situation. Instead of panic about how you might fuck it all up in the future, live in the moment. Appreciate the fact that this girl is super into you right now. Nothing lasts forever, especially not these white-hot hookups. That doesn't mean they aren't worthwhile. Have high hopes but keep expectations low. Also, form your own opinions of people. That shade about her being impulsive and emotionally unavailable has little to do with your current situation. That's the past. People can stop being impulsive and unavailable when they enter into a more appealing relationship. It's possible. So, take it as it comes. And if in the end it falls apart, at least you got to experience that passion. A lot of people are too boring and too careful to even allow themselves this pleasure. Let it do what it do. [Here's him reviewing womens' bodies. This isn't inherently bannable, but it is so fucking gross. You creepy fuck.](https://np.reddit.com/r/TooAfraidToAsk/comments/lhaqaa/people_who_like_chubby_girls_what_is_it_that/gmw9r1g/) ------------------- > Skinny girls are okay to look at (sort of) because of the way clothing fits them. Fashionable Western clothing styles are usually fitted to be worn by lean women. I don't subscribe to these standards. I like thick women. It's disapointing when a great beauty has no ass on her. That beautiful, big ass on a chubby woman is only part of it, though. > Skinny women are bony af. Ever lay with a skinny chick? She's all elbows and knee caps. Sometimes a woman is so petite I feel like I might break her on accident. A chubby woman is much softer, and to me, much more pleaseant to lay with. Simply put, they feel better to me. There's one more societal reason guys dig the chubby women of the world. > They try harder. A thin woman who grew up skinny has never known the ridicule that fat women endure. A woman who's been told her whole life that she's ""hot"" will assume her mere physical presence is enough. I find skinny women are sometimes a bit full of themselves, especially if they're also blonde. Maybe it's just where I grew up, idk? A chubby woman who isn't accustomed to these platitudes and accolades isn't so full of herself. She's typically nicer, more generous with herself, and a more willing partner. It's the same for men, too. People who're told over and over they're the embodiment of some highly desirable feature mistakenly think it's all they need to bring when it comes to relations. Chubby women don't usually fall into that trap. Mad love for the chubs! Hey look, ***he targets women who ""try harder"" and are ""more willing"" (because they have presumed low self-esteem).*** Oh sure, this poor little victim has noooo predatory motivations when he targets young sexually-abused women. He just wants someone who understaaaaaands him. Sure, buddy. [Here's him victim-blaming someone in this sub for daring to expect men on dating apps to not be emotionally abusive, because ""let's be real"", ~~boys will be boys~~ men are just like that.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/lfpznk/dating_is_exhausting_tw_sex/gmnd5u7/) ------------------- > I think you're really good at making excuses for why you cannot do things. Let's be honest here. Many guys are gonna be emtionally abusive regardless of your status as a survivor. What your comment says is you're still filled with lots of trepidation and feelings of unsafe vulnerability. Finding a match is an act of vulnerability. You might be excluding a lot of potentially good matches simply becuase you aren't ready to be vulnerable. It happens. We want recovery to occur quicker than it does and feel impatient we,'re not ""where we should be"". I get the deep lonliness. Remember I said I've had some success on reddit? I have been living in crazy, PTSD induced isolation, waiting 30+ years to find a woman like this. She's a survivor. She gets me. Talk to me in 2050 about your lonliness Let me set aside a sec to wtf at ""my loneliness is so much worse than urs, OP, let me flex about that real quick"" but at this point, that's just a drop in the bucket. [Oh and this guy, who - remember! - exclusively dates sexually-abused women, actively targets 'teens' in the ""age gap personals"" subreddit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/lfpznk/dating_is_exhausting_tw_sex/gmn89ls/) -------------------- > B) I have great success finding like-minded peeps here on reddit. There are tons of subreddits for dating. Because of severe trauma and PTSD I ***[48 M]*** am kinda trapped in the mind of a teen, so I've used the ""Age Gap Personals"" sub to find women closer to my mental age. You may want to skew your dating search older as a more mature man will (hopefully) not act like such fuck boi. Obviously, anything on reddit has the potential to turn into a gutter. Gee, I wondered where all the refugees from r/jailbait went! Dude just *loves* the obvious pedo-magnet community that inevitably only survives because they insist you lie and say you're 18. I'm not clicking in there, but let me guess: the vast majority of the population is old looking for young. What a chickenhawk coop. Let's play a game: guess how many IPs in there are coming from prisons, or the residences of known sex offenders? [Oh, and OP should fix her post-sexual-abuse dating problems....by not just lowering her standards, but dating older men ***and*** advertising her abuse to them on dating sites more often.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/lfpznk/dating_is_exhausting_tw_sex/gmn89ls/) ------------------- > C) whatever you do, I strongly advise you to disclose your situation i.e. recovering from sexual assault but tryna get back into dating. The honesty will attract the kind of sensitive, emotionally mature men you're looking for. **He is literally targeting people** ***in this subreddit*** **and trying to convince them to heal from their sexual violence** ***by ""dating"" guys like him.*** And he refuses to even *acknowledge* the multiple power imbalances he clearly gets off on. Chubby women is his most legal kink. He doesn't say a single thing about their bodies that he likes, because he doesn't like them: he just looks down on them, and hopes they'll be too desperate and insecure to object to his glaring flaws. Problem is, adult fat women often don't actually *want* to be with grimy assholes who expect them to abide by an unspoken rule of ""you're fat and worth less, so you should be grateful I even want to fuck you, and not have any standards for me to meet"". Just because *he* doesn't value them doesn't mean they're actually going to ""try harder"" - aka, ignore that he's a restraining order waiting to happen, that he likes em young, and that he talks about women like fuckable cattle. (And whatever else is horrible behind the scenes that can't be gleaned from literally just his public Reddit activity over the last day or so.) Guess he's had more luck with sexually-abused teenagers. Ban. Him. I'm not going back farther in his post history. If this isn't enough, staff just doesn't give a fuck. PTSD doesn't induce blameless *preferences* in grown adults for sex with insecure teens, insecure sexual abuse survivors, and insecure chubby women. That's not how this works. But it sure does get him misguided sympathy, and more access to sexually-abused teenagers than admitting the truth does. I used to be a mod on a large mental health support community too. About 1k concurrent users at every hour of the clock. We banned pedos like this regularly. They crawled in to vent about their disorder, which sometimes existed and sometimes didn't, played the victim for a while, then told young girls over DM to take their clothes off. > ""Hey, we *understand* each other soooo well, let me *help* you."" **We're not letting this shit fly here, right?**",3 "So I've always struggled with this, but after years without a TV i got one again and I'm really struggling with this. In movies and TV-shows the volume is so loud it hurts when there is action scenes, dramatic music and so on, while in the dialogue parts I can barely make out what they are saying. I end up having to turn the volume up and down a lot to compensate. I do have minor tinnitus and hearing damage, but I don't think that has much to do with it. Does anyone else struggle with this, and does anyone have any solutions? Some way of evening out the volume would really help, but I've never seen any settings for that. I've connected a set of better speakers to the TV, it made it sound a little less sharp but did not really help with the problem of the volume mixing in the movies.",3 "So yesterday I was unexpectedly hit by trauma. Stimulated by long buried potential trigger of actual event. Heart in throat and chocking with dry mouth. Today i feel super exhausted. Dont feel like doing anything other than lying on bed.",3 "I have sub threshold pretty sure. I don't get anytjibh that often I think. But anyway. In certain precise situations I get this weird thing. I don't know what is it. Whenever I find myself suddently in the dark with a guy or in very closed of tight spaces where I can't get out with one, I suddently feel scared and I know. Like I know. That I'm going to get you know right then. And you react automatically kinda like its about to happen in a few secs. I brace for impact, excepting it to happen and freeze kinda mentally but I can still move normally except for maybe a second or two. I get out of the situation and I feel weird for a few minutes then it fades.",3 "Full circle. Here I am, hiding in a closet. The very same closet I hid in 35+ years ago. Back then I hid so I would not be forced to go to school… now I hide from life. Upon reflection, there’s no difference. Shutdown. Again. 3.5 months. I lasted 3.5 months at this last job. That’s a record. It’s the panic. The same panic again and again. My senses work against me. The world—the sensory overload—makes me dry heave. The pressure builds… the sights and smells haunt me long after I suffer through them. They are like bitter enemies that return out of spite when I close my eyes—as clear as when they first violated me—to make sure that I continue to writhe. The voices whisper: “failure”, “loser”, “quitter,” “freak”, my body aches, movement is painful, my breath is clipped, my heart is like a spiked, leaden ball crashing with ever-building momentum against my chest… the panic… run… hide… into darkness… no eyes, no voices, no smells. No human beings. Get. Away. From. Them. I run through this madness and all the time I can’t relate. I am other. They are right there but they seem a million miles away… they speak in an alien tongue and live by rules I cannot fathom. Their eyes are like razors that slash me blood red. I’ve tried to be like them. But it’s like a saltwater fish being thrown into a pond. I am so tired and the mask is too heavy to lift. How can a thing as mutable as a human heart be trusted anyway? Theirs or my own. Turn in. Turn off. Bathe in nothingness. Float in awareness. Don’t move… terminal burrowing. Their world be damned. It’s a bloody duplicitous fiction… but it’s teeth and claws still rend me. Time is strange. The closet smells the same as it did all those years ago. The smell makes it seem like I never left. Clock time vs. heart time. 7 years old, hiding from Mother, pissing my pants from the fear and panic. Don’t breathe, don’t move… 43 years old, hiding again, heart shattering from the fear and panic. Give in to the darkness. It’s like I never left. I made it 3.5 months before I crumbled… now I’m left with the same old choiceless choice: When alone, my mind consumes itself; in a crowd, the many consume me. This is how it’s been all of my life.",3 "so anyone who has dealt with sexual obsessions have you ever masturbated to smuts about some of the stuff you didn't want to? is it normal?or am i into it, cause there are certain generes i still can read and masterbate to, and in all honesty i don't think im aroused by it at all in general, but i usually ejaculate to the description of sex in fics, but i always have an impulse to look up certain things, and then i get intrusive thoughts about actual people, it also feel like it feeds off my truama. and im scared im actually into this stuff. but im not. my brain needs to shut up in all honesty.",1 "Hey, I've already considered that I'm probably demisexual or asexual. But I don't know if I also have perfectionism OCD in relationships. I've dated people but I keep getting into this cycle: * dating starts and I think they're cool * they want to move forward into a relationship but while I like them, I don't feel strongly about them * I dread having to reject them (want to emphasize that this part is intense. crying, headaches, basically feeling almost as bad as if I was the one being rejected) * ending it, and then feeling like I lead someone on, hurt them again and done something wrong It almost feels like I don't even KNOW what I'm supposed to feel if I'm getting into a relationship. Like everyone get's this thing that I'm just missing a link to understand I wish I could just fall for someone without thinking about it and it happen that way instead of this shitty cycle. It makes me want to stop dating completely because I'm starting to feel like I'm bound just to fuck it up again ANYWAYS this is going off tangent from OCD so point is- I wonder if wanting it to happen really easily is me seeking certainty? Like wanting to be ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN i feel strongly about a person and don't just 'like' them? I've heard people say good is the enemy of perfectionism but idk if it applies here. But on the other hand, some people say don't settle I've gotten to a point where I shut down when it even comes to the idea of trying to pursue something. I don't feel much anymore. If it's not OCD-specific, then it's still something that feels shitty and I don't know how to stop feeling this stunted. how does anyone genuinely enjoy dating? **tldr:** feel romantically stunted, never interested in anyone, feel bad rejecting/hurting people. wondering if I might be rejecting everyone because I'm seeking perfection. advice?",1 "Something that I’m trying more often now is this mantra: “Let the thoughts flow through you.” Instead of pushing the thoughts away or trying to ignore them, I repeat the “let it flow through you” mantra and relax my body and almost imagine the intrusive thoughts to be a storm that flows through my body. Seems to be working a little better than screaming and yelling at my brain to shut up. Also helps with my addictive urges a little bit more than cognitive disputation. The human mind is like a hungry ghost. As McNamara said: “Rationality will not save us.” What a mess. Wish I could just zap my brain and be cured.",1 "Sometimes it feels like life is too hard, even as a kid i wanted to do something and nearly acted upon it, sometimes i regret not acting upon it, a few years ago i meet this girl who changed my whole life, she taught me how to life, taught me how to make music, draw and most importantly be kind to others. 2 years ago i lost her in a car accident, it was a horrible sight and i'm struggling to move on from that, when i was with her it felt like all my problems didn't matter because in the end, i had the one person i loved and cared about who actually loved and cared about me back. Half a year ago i meet this girl, i slowly started to fall in love, she was kind, cute and funny. We spent half a year together, we worked amazing, i helped her with trauma and her troubled past, because of what happened to my last girlfriend i was extra protective and wanted to make sure she was okay but not overly protective to the point where it would hinder her growth. After all the fun stuff we did and promises she cheated on me, i poured all my love and care and she sucked off another guy, even when i tried forgiving and saying let's fix this she refused and slowly tore me down, she's currently with that guy and i nearly killed myself because i have no friends at all and no family. what should i do? Only times i felt fine was when i had a girlfriend, nothing mattered because i knew i'd come home from a tough day and have the special someone to talk to that showed real love and care, i feel i can't trust that many people. One and a half years ago i told some people in my class about my gf's death, they decided to tell everyone and make it seem like i faked it, i lost motivation to do anything, i can't even play my favourite games more than 4 minutes.",2 "I feel like my experience pales in comparison to what many of you have experienced on this sub so please forgive me if this seems minor/I’m overreacting. I recently get graduated from college and got a kitten back in February because I really wanted a companion. She makes me so happy. Shortly after getting her, I noticed that something was off. She was having GI issues that went from moderately bad to really bad over the course of a couple weeks. It then got worse to the point where there was blood in her litter box 3-5 times/day. I took her to the vet every week and no one knew what was wrong. The vet eventually put her on this special diet and thankfully her GI issues resolved themselves. She’s healthy and happy now. However, every time I hear her dig in her litter box I get a jolt of anxiety because I feel like I have to immediately stop what I’m doing and check on her to make sure she isn’t bleeding. This happens at all hours. If she goes to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I will wake up in a panic. I just don’t understand what’s going on with me. She is healthy! I have nothing to worry about. I just can’t help feeling massive amounts of anxiety every time I hear her use the litter box. I know I should probably talk to a therapist but therapy is really expensive and as a recent grad I don’t have a lot of money. I’m just not sure if I’m over reacting if this will pass with time. Thanks everyone.",3 "I hate to complain but tonight, not for the first time, we settled down to watch a detective show as it's something my partner and I both enjoy and again the main character is 'coded' with asd. I'm hesitant to name the show but I was wondering if anyone else gets annoyed by this. I love detective drama, especially Nordic Noir but they always seem to insinuate that if you're on the spectrum you will immediately excel in that field when the opposite is true. We struggle to find work, we often struggle to cope in work environments and social situations and when we do excel at certain areas we are not seen as professionals in our field but rather 'quirky' individuals that only receive their academic qualities as a by-proxy of AS. I'm just really tired of the trope that simplifies everything and uses a prevalent and personal issue for many as a plot device. Sorry, I don't mean to be this vitriolic and am more than happy for people to disagree and give their opinions on this.",3 "I've been isolated for a year now. Friends, family all broke off contact, nobody seemed to get along with me. I don't blame them, but that's why it was much more surprising that I was invited to a small celebration today. I've been preparing for it the whole last week and was really looking forward to it today. Thought that would be my come back to life. I only wanted to hold out for a few hours. But it came differently. A good friend picked me up, he told me who was there. Some names were already causing panic in me, but I suppressed the panic. Anyway just before we got there, before I saw anyone else, my legs blocked and everything started to collapse. I started to apologize and while looking stuttering into my friend's uncomprehending face I started to cry. He asked what was going on but I couldn't explain it. Instead I just explained that it wouldn't work and that he had to go on without me. The disappointment in his look and the almost angry voice when he left with a ""as you like"" gave me the rest. I literally ran home. I don't think there will be another invitation. Will this be my life now? Will it force me into isolation forever? How can I make it clear to them that I'm not doing this on purpose? Why can't they understand that it's not over for me? That I'm still there, trapped and left alone in the same cruel time looking for a way out? Why is everything suddenly incredibly difficult, even the things that used to be beautiful and simple? If this is my life from now on, I'll start to wonder if survival was really worth it.",3 "My Mom always gets the wrong thing. She was going to the store, asked if I wanted anything. I thought of Doritos. She got ""Butternut Squash Tortilla Chips."" With sea salt.",3 "I’ve got such a tendency to say outrageous/offensive/bizarre stuff that I’ve resorted to viewing social interaction as more of a chance to fuck up tremendously rather than an opportunity to connect with people and form relationships etc It’s a really pessimistic outlook but it’s not one that I can easily shake. Any advice?",0 "How do you guys stop thinking about some thoughts that pop out continuously? Even when I am using phone, even when Im driving, even when im going to bed, even when im with somebody else. If Im doing something that I dont wanna do, I cant stop with the thoughts. Ex) I have so many thoughts when I go to bed so I take a shower in the middle of the night, and I am still thinking when Im showering lol.",0 "im extremely tired right now, but I have to do a group project by tomorrow. I have a lot of other work but for now this is my only goal. im alone in my room rn and its somewhat dark. how do I make the atmosphere less depressing and how do I make myself focus?",2 "I was at a friends house for a sleepover when I was 13. I don't really remember what happened but I remember that it was late and I was tired. Eventully my friend told me to lie down. I thought this was slightly odd but did lie down. Then he walked over to me and before I knew what was happening, he took off his ants and started rubbing his genitals over me. My face, my eyes, my hair and other parts of me that I don't want to write about. My mother told me to get over it and was saying how other people had it much worse. Eventully I devoloped PTSD. My mother doesn't believe it and whenever I bring it up she says that people like holocaust survivors had a worse experience than I did. I'm not saying that I had a worse experience, just that I want her to understand what happened to me and why i'm the way I am now. I wanted to know if people thought I should stop trying to get through to her and just cut ties with her altogether. Edit: Thankyou to everyone who replied. I am still not entirely sure what to think entirely, but your words have reassured me about my course of action. And yes I have gone through therapy.",3 "For me is ""not entirely"". I still blame nature for having OCD. For you that accepted it, how was the progress? How do you feel after accepting it? [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/nhi6zp)",1 "Hey guys, forgive me for not doing a lot of research before posting this here. The thought just popped into my head, and I've got to get back to work so I wanted to ask while it's on my mind. My previous job had me on call 24/7 for a little over 3 years. It was in the medical field, and if a patient or nurse called me any time, day or night, I had to respond to the call. I would work my 9+ regular hours at the office or in the field, and then several more hours a day after hours on call, not to mention every weekend.. It was a good job, but I absolutely hated that part of it. It caused me to lose a lot of friends and put a lot of hardship between me and my family because I was ALWAYS at work. Anyway, about 2 months ago I decided that I needed to leave that job for my own mental well-being. I should note that I had always kept the standard AT&T ringtone on my phone. After my last day, I changed my phone number, ringtone, etc. I needed to be free. Since leaving, I have noticed that almost everyone has that ringtone. When I'm out shopping or at a restaurant and someone's phone rings with that ringtone, an almost overwhelming amount of anxiety washes over me to the point that I almost feel sick at my stomach. After 10 minutes or so, and as quickly as I can distract myself with something else, it's mostly gone but I still feel ""off"" for a while. I even still hear ""phantom"" ringing a lot, where I will be alone and think my phone is ringing but it isn't. Typing this all out makes me feel like I'm crazy or something. Is this PTSD or something else, and if so, how can I get over it?",3 "My Psychiatrist recommended me to a ptsd therapist, so I'm getting some help yay! I was kind of confused as my Psychiatrist said I was going through some ptsd but I wasn't diagnosed? Does this mean I don't really have ptsd? Is this normal? I always wondered what the diagnoses process was like. So if anyone could tell me that would be great! Anyways, yay for therapy!",3 "I feel like I'm never good enough. Not just for my girlfriend, but for anyone. I feel like I never do enough and that no one ever really wants me around.",2 "I thought my mental health was okay I’ve never felt so worse but my girlfriend of two years fell in love with my best friend of two years I feel like I’ve represssed so much feeelings and it’s all about her our relationship it’s always been about her and not about how I feel she’s grew up having anything she’s wanted from a wealthy family and I feel like that’s why she feels entitled she’s white and I’m Asian and I feel dominated and I broke up with her also I’m not trying to imply racial stereotypes but being a Asian male dating a Caucasian rich white women (when she was younger) I feel like I’m not enough and I thought I was crazy and she made me feel crazy for two months I saw her and my best friend when we would hangout being to comfortable with eachother. And I called it out and for a whole two to three months I had a feeling it was happening and then one night I went through her phone and she had a group chat with her friends saying I don’t think I love him anymore I think I like his best friend I know I fucked up but I told her I cheated and it wasn’t any real feelings with the girls but I had the respect to tell her of what I did wrong and before I really started seeing it happening I was like telling her great revenge tactic my ducking best friend of 6 years and she opened up the flood gates of heart break i guess this is a rant but I started having hallucinations and seeing myself talking to myself and have lost track of a whole day a whole day when it was Wednesday I thought it was Thursday but didn’t even remember what happened Tuesday (emotional mental blackout ) I have been feeling emotionally vacant and if or not you believe in spirituality let’s just say feelings as I type the last 8 words something fell over in my bathroom. Last night one other thing fell over . This happens to me I’m not insane when I get too emotional I feel like it attracts things to happen. I never posted before or told anyone I didn’t know but the big part is why I am. Is to no matter what trauma you need to know you’re not alone that’s why we listen to sad songs because it lets us know we’re not alone it brings comfort in the lonlieness I’m desperate but I won’t kill my self because it would tear apart my mom. I know living for other people is unhealthy but I guess being there for everyone else is better and brings me more happiness then being for myself . Know you’re loved I love you stay strong Look in your heart for that feeling of a child being so naive and optimistic this is for you truly",2 "So this is a bit of a long story. I'm currently 22 with my brother of 26 and my mom who is 53. 6 months ago my father passed away from a heart attack. I found him on December 29th alone because me and him still lived together, my mom had moved out about a year before this happened and my brother couldn't stand my dad and moved out 2 years prior to a huge fight between my parents that I was caught in the middle of alone. Its 7 months later now from my dad passing and ive had a lot of trouble and no support. Im afraid of reaching out to relatives on my dad's side because of problems going on amongst them and my mom's side doesn't care for me a lot too much. Im afraid of telling my friends but I talked to a mental health professional over the phone and she said I have ptsd. I can't sleep, I can't stop hearing the sound of paramedics rushing into my house, sometimes I have meltdowns where I sued to be able to control myself. I constantly can't control my emotions and have breakdowns at work to where I have to hide in the bathrooms. My mom and my brother take alot out on me I think because they blame me for not being home when it happened. I feel horrible, I feel like killed my own father please I need advice, I feel like I'm losing my mind.",3 "I've had depression since I was a kid when my parents got a divorce, I'm 24 y.o. now so you do the math. All these years have been a constant rollercoaster of feelings, going from not feeling too bad to being on the edge of attempting suicide. I've seen about 5 therapists and 3 psychiatrists and none of them could do anything for me. Now I'm slowly seeing how my friends are getting so ahead of me in life, getting the jobs they studied for, finding love and getting their own homes while I'm stuck not accomplishing anything. I used to fight to be happy and get out of this, even feeling that maybe I was about to on a couple of occasions only to fall back into the hole harder. But now I just accepted that it won't happen after all this years. I don't think it's worth it anymore to keep trying only to hit a wall over and over. I've given up",2 Is anyone else wishing they were dead or is it just me? It really doesn’t get any better,2 "I take Serenda (zoloft), deplelept, clonex, +30 grams of government prescribed cannabis and cannabis oil taken orally. In addition to almost 25 years of therapy (I'm only 33) With all of this I still desperately want to put a bullet in my head. The truth is nothing works. I accept my problems as my reality and put on a BS smile and mask everyday just to get by. I really hope no one in my circles is able to find this post because it's quite revealing, and I would bury my head in shame if my email address was associated with this post. It would not surprise me considering my amazing luck of shit blowing up in my face. I simply cant put on this charade anymore. My life is a joke and everyone hates me. And if people don't hate me its because they don't know me well enough. I really wish all the pain and suffering of the world me. That way no one else feels my misery. I suck",3 "Hello everyone. I’ve got a TOVA test in the morning. It has been bumped up from early January, so everything is a bit sudden. Does anyone have any experience of these tests? The person I spoke to would only say that it was a computer program to test my ‘response to stimuli’, but wouldn’t say anything else (I even jokingly asked if a ‘response to stimuli’ meant I would be poked with sticks, but that didn’t go down too well). Am nervous about diagnosis- feel like I have a lot riding on this emotionally. I see so many matching symptoms, particularly with executive dysfunction, but other times I feel like it’s all in my head and I’m making it up. I guess I’ll find out tomorrow!",0 "Trying to be more social so I've joined a sports team, to register they needed to know about all medical conditions including ASC and mental health. Idk why but having it out like that made me overwhelmed and embarrassed. Being autistic it's part of me and makes me who I am, and I wouldnt want it any other way. I just dont want to be singled out again. I'm not usually embarrassed to be autistic or have mental health problems, I just hate that I've had to tell people who I barely know stuff that I only tell people I trust. Idk what to do or feel when I next have to train with them. I know I'm probably being stupid but my head dove off a cliff because of this, ended up giving into my urges just to shut up my loud fucked up head and it hasnt shut up. Has anyone else had experiences like this or have any advice please?",3 "When I come across a relatively large trigger, I like to call what happens next a “ptsd episode” where I’m screaming, yelling, throwing myself into walls, and feel 1000% out of control. Like a small child throwing a temper tantrum, but it’s me, a grown adult woman, absolutely knee deep in tears and trauma without any idea of what I need to contain it. What do you call it? What are your experiences? It doesn’t feel like there are enough words in the English language to describe what an “episode” feels like to me. EDIT: I realize I should specify that I’ve been diagnosed with cptsd. not sure if that makes a difference but who knows!",3 "After 7 years of hell I have finally started to come back to myself, to heal. But I have been overcome with guilt. For everything. For standing up for self, cutting people off, being mean, losing my job, not working, being a financial drain, and most of all, for actually getting better and being happy for a moment here and there. It's driving me nuts and won't go away. I want to know if anyone else has felt like this and if you have any insights if you have. Thank you.",3 "In terms of therapy and opening up myself. I feel otherwise, if I go at the pace I’m going at, I won’t go as far as I want to.",3 "i take 20mg of XR a day, around 10-11am. Life’s been on the rough side lately and i’m really behind in a lot of my work. Today, i was trying to build up momentum and I did, got 3 things on my to-do list complete then i had to take a break to eat. After that, i sat around for a while just sort of stuck, i know what i had to do at the time and it was a huge mental battle for no reason. I ended up just wasting 3 hours because i had assumed my meds wore off. But BOOM- all of a sudden i’m sitting here, calm and focused on this post because it’s now 9pm and i don’t feel comfortable getting more work done this late. I’m just confused as to why the meds seemed to wear off for like 2-3 hours. Can someone help me figure out why? I’m aware that XR is split into 2 time frames, but i don’t recall the second part to take that long to hit me. Was it because i ate as the first part was wearing off? Would that slow down the process? (didn’t have anything with vitC)",0 "I was asked to describe my parents by someone and I honestly really struggled to do that. I was wondering if this is an autistic thing, or if this is just a personal quality I have? Thanks!",3 "I barely have the willpower to write this paragraph. I can't concentrate and I'm beginning to phase out and stare into nothing. Not unconscious but almost unaware. It seems I have bipolar disorder. Maybe a few weeks of tiredness, low willpower, and emotionless trances. Then maybe a few weeks of extreme concentrative abilities and mental awareness. Lack of sleep might be the culprit. Chronic/lifelong insomnia which is a common symptom of Aspergers and is probably a major contributor to my bipolar episodes. I had a delusional episode last night where I genuinely believed that the CIA and NSA were surrounding me and I was being moved because they were at my parents house. I was going to build a new, better crystal radio so I could listen to their communications. Now I don't, maybe a little. I don't know if losing my sanity or showing symptoms of possible schizophrenia later on in life. My parents think I'm doing it for attention but I'm not and even then. If I was doing it for attention, why would I socially isolate myself in my room? Why would I have this porn addiction? Why would I kill animals? Why was I put in an isolation room? Should I get help?",3 "I am a (20m). Due to mental health reasons my social skills and ability to mask took a steep dive. My face is emotionless and I hardly have anything to say anymore. One day I say hello to my manager and he say “Why do you seem so angry?” I was offended to be honest🤷🏾‍♂️ I can’t help that I come off that way bro. I asked another coworker if I came off as angry or sad and she revealed that it’s why she’s so nice to me. This makes me feel isolated to the point to where I want to “re-learn” how to mask. Because I’ve been harassed at other jobs for not masking and it looks like the same old story🧐",3 "Hi everyone, I was recently diagnosed with PTSD in relation to sexual violence and trauma. My psychiatrist has been working with me for about two months now, and she recommended brainspotting. We tried it for the last twenty minutes of our last session, and she recommended that I seek out a brainspotting specialist in my region. I don't have a lot of financial resources available for new treatments, and I didn't find it particularly helpful when we tried it -granted, that was only for a short period of time. Has anyone here tried it? Has it been helpful? I want to keep an open mind, but I don't have anyone to talk to about it.",3 "Sorry in advance for the length. I originally didn’t intend to make a long-ass post like this. I just had to get this off my chest. Have you ever experienced a seemingly well-intentioned, but not really helpful, change of attitude in certain people in your life when they learn from you that you have aspergers? I’m not entirely sure if it’s just me or not, but I’ve had a few experiences that gave me the impression that lots of people you know won’t make a completely sincere effort to understand your disorder better. Their hearts may be in the right place, but how they do it is either not good enough or just slightly humiliating due to their ignorance and stubbornness - despite your attempts to explain to them how to treat you better. Having aspergers is a weird dilemma because while you are functional enough to have way more autonomy of your life, you still have a set of dysfunctions that puts you behind your peers in certain ways. But they are not as severe as autistic people on the other end of the spectrum, so your symptoms can be easily dismissed by people who mistakenly feel like they know better. Those people could be someone with a significant influence on your life: your parents and siblings, relatives, friends, schoolmates, teachers, co-workers, bosses - you name it. It’s especially concerning when that person has already earned (?) his/her status as an authority figure. But I suspect that the general public’s awareness of struggles with aspergers isn’t as well understood as autism and even autism has been given it’s fair share of misconceptions. Lots of people want to help you out, no doubt. They’ll probably do their own research on your disorder, which is absolutely great. But some are still going to be biased against you sometimes and they might not be aware of it because of their reduced capacity for self-reflection, thus their understanding of your struggles becomes superficial. As result, their treatment of you can feel insulting and frustrating at times. Some examples: 1. Not taking you seriously when you call them out for bullshit - because why should they take your word for it when you social antennas are kinda warped, right? Like, how could you possibly perceive situations for what they are when you can’t pick up on social cues like neurotypicals naturally can? 2. Low-key condscending remarks that are meant to be jokes, but they are so intellectually insulting that you can’t even bother to fake-laugh at them (if you do that all). 3. Consistently failing to understand that despite being relatively “normal” enough on the surface, they somehow can’t get that you still have issues and needs that are a little more unique than others. 4. Persistently helping you out with things that you can do perfectly well on your own and explaining things to you that are completely obvious in of themselves. 5. Underestimating and/or overestimating what you can do due to aspergers. Like as if you’re a fucking savant... 6. Assuming that the symptoms of aspergers are pretty much the same for all of us, even though it will vary from individual to individual depending on our age, personality, if we’ve had evaluation from a doctor/psychologist in our youth and general life experience. 7. You experience a few or all of these things, then you tell the people about it and they trivialize it all. I haven’t experienced all of these things, but I suspect that they’re common. Thus I avoid making light of my aspergers to someone I don’t know well. As I see it, telling it to the “wrong people” will just bring me lots of unnecessary headaches. Have anyone of you experienced this at all? Is there something else that I could’ve added to my list?",3 "I don't know if this has to do anything with ADHD but I always do and say the wrong thing all the time and I am so awkward and stupid and at the same time pretentious and when I am alone I can't stop thinking about what I did or said :( I wish I was a normal person but since covid everything is so much more difficult and I fill so alone, I fill like my friends moved on without me.",0 "I had my fist psychiatrist meeting last Thursday. I was so afraid I would be turned down immediately, so sure that I had just made up everything in my head. Instead the psychiatrist told me that if I’m interested, I can start testing meds immediately, before my diagnosis. He told me that I’m a textbook example of a woman with undiagnosed ADHD. I left his office with Concertra description. I took my first dose on Friday morning and OH MY GOD. First time in my life I feel alive. I feel like I’m in control of what I do. Want to clean that oven door that has been dirty two years? Done, without procrastination. Talking with people and actually being in the moment? Yeah, that’s a new experience. Being two whole days without starting a fight, because I can just let things go now? Or just sitting down and actually being in that moment without a waves of uncontrollable thoughts that cause anxiety and restlessness? Wow. Now I just need to be able to handle the fact that I have lost so many years of my life for ADHD. So many relationships and opportunities. This is the first time in my life I feel like things are going to actually get better. It is surreal.",0 "Instead of letting my suicidal thoughts take over, I’ve been channeling that energy into planning a less permanent escape. Think Gone Girl, but without the >!framing someone for murder!< part. I’ve been fantasizing about cutting all contact and starting a new life somewhere else. Tonight, I even saved a few job listings on the other side of the country. Last week, I packed up a few boxes and looked into uhauls. Every time I feel unwanted or close to the edge, I’m going to take another step towards disappearing. I know this isn’t a solution for everyone, and I don’t know if I’ll ever actually do it, but it’s been really helpful so far.",2 Hey Im Nate and ive had ADHD since I was born. Taking conserta at 2- 50 milligrams pills every morning and it just feels weird when i take them. Im 17 and i love writing when I dont take them my mind just spits words out. Effortlessly and every paper Ive had. I stop taking them a week in advance so I can type the shit out of a speech or essay. My point tho is does anyone feel less creative when they tale adhd meds? I struggle to even write a paragraph when im on them my brain is very hyperactive when im not on them I feel like i can take on the world but when i take them i feel sluggish uninspired and severely uncreative. Idk maybe its just me. I also have terrible punctuation skills but grammarly takes care of that on my computer.,0 "Last year my older sister, who's in her 30s, told me to kill myself a couple of times. Before this I haven't had suicidal thoughts in a couple of years. Now, like clockwork, I think about killing myself whenever I go through a hard time. It's like my brain defaults to this thought now. It's strange how someone saying ""kill yourself"" has completely changed my mental health - thinking about killing myself is my default coping mechanism. Just seeing her when she visits or hearing her voice when she's talking to my mum on the phone makes me think ""I should kill myself"". My therapist told me it's my brains escape route. Some people like to escape with drugs and food, I escape with the thought of killing myself. This is a bit soothing to know and a bit of a relief although I don't want to be like this forever. I just want to live a normal life. The worst thing is, she knows I tried to kill myself in the past.",2 "I create these “scenarios” in my head to see if I like it and I feel a groinal response almost all of the time. The worst part is that I LIKED creating these scenarios when I was younger, and still feel like do, and then immediately feel disgusted because of my hocd. I don’t wanna say what it is specifically because I’m still so embarrassed by it What if I masturbate to the idea even if I hate it but I want to see if I like it? And then I get off and panic because I didn’t want that to happen. How do I know if this is hocd or an actual sexual fantasy? It honestly feels like the latter at this point and that I’m in denial, but I don’t want this, I feel disgusted with myself and I hate it so much.",1 "I was depressed for a long time, I started lifting weights it helped but I stopped at some point in covid, and now I'm doing it again. I moved out of my mom's house last year and live in community living. Which is just what I needed. I found a job only 5 minutes away from me, I had jobs when I live with my mom but I was always quit them because they were too far away. If I'm going to keep a job it has to be close enough. Also my Xbox is God send my depression. Things are finally starting to look up for me.",2 "if you actually have adhd are stimulants supposed to feel like stimulants? I've heard that people with adhd feel clear headed and ""normal"" on adhd medication but I've been diagnosed and prescribed adhd meds and it definitely just feels like I'm on stimulants. btw I know only a doctor can give me the right answer but I just want to hear what others think",0 You know the image of the devil and angel versions of yourself on your shoulders? OCD sometimes feels like being stuck in a room with the devil version with no exit. I don’t want to be in this room,1 "I procrastinated to set an control appointment with my psychiatrist to have a new prescription for a few weeks. I just went and had my prescription. But in every pharmacy I went today, they didn't have my meds in stock and it takes a month to have them. I have exams in three weeks and only for about 1.5 weeks of meds. Guess I'll have to do without them (again), or half dosage. Tip for everyone (and myself) : don't procrastinate (great tip for ADHDers isn't ?).",0 "I’m on 150mgs now and I went a few months without forgetting, but I forgot this morning. I have been having terrible headaches, what feels like a circuit breaking in my brain, and have felt detached from reality. That being said I’m super worried that I could have caused or been in a car accident (I drove home from work) or hit a pedestrian without knowing. Or, that I could have caused an injury to someone when I was at work (construction) without knowing. (My meds do not help these thoughts, but this is just today’s worry). Should I be worried that something like this happened? And if it could have, what do I do?",2 "Has anyone here ever qualified for SSDI (social security disability insurance in the US)? I have disability with the VA for PTSD, which complicates my OCD but obviously isn't service-related. Social security admin & the VA also have very different criteria, so having one doesn't guarantee any success with the other. Thanks in advance for any feedback!",1 "Well i guess i should start off by saying I’m a single mother of 2 beautiful and incredibly smart and loving children, I have a 6 year old daughter and a 2 year old son, who I love more than anything they’re my entire world, and everything I do revolves around them. I love taking them to the park, making our own songs to sing in the car and taking the goofiest selfies with them, simply being their mother is my favorite thing in the whole world, what feels to be the only light in my life .…lately I’ve been feeling so guilty, for the dark thoughts I’ve been having. All I can understand is that I don’t want to be here anymore, I just want to die. Not to hurt anyone or cause any drama, but to disappear, I feel I’m in the way of their lives. I feel I don’t deserve them, and that they’d be better off without me. I’m aware I’m all they have, which is why I’ve managed to be this strong so far, but it’s like I don’t know how to anymore, I’m losing myself and don’t have anywhere to turn to. I feel like such a burden which makes it hard to talk to anyone, and if I do tell someone how I feel I instantly regret it bc it’s clear they don’t care, idk what to do, I don’t like the dark hole that’s surrounding me, making it hard to breathe, as if I’m drowning, all I want to do is sleep, I can’t eat it’s so hard to find the strength to shower. I’m tired of faking feelings when out in public, I’m tired of feeling the need to post pictures of myself smiling to try and fool myself and others of me being happy. Throughout my day I get constant thoughts of wanting to end it all, but the fact that my babies are always home with me, keeps me from doing so, the thought of scaring them for life with an image of their mother lying on the floor is something I could never do to them. I want to fight and be the woman I once was who could smile and meant it, I once lived in a world filled with bright beautiful colors, I now feel i live in a dark dull shadow, i don’t feel anyone understands me, i feel so alone, so lost. So guilty for feeling this way, everything’s so hard, i feel no way out of all of this, i want to be better, i want to thrive, but i don’t see that in my future anymore, all I see is me not being here anymore. I used to be able to see me accomplishing goals I had for myself and children, i don’t even know how to do that anymore. I want to be gone without leaving my children and hurting them anymore, it’s selfish and i hate myself for thinking this way. I feel so weak and so embarrassed that this is me. THE REAL ME.",2 "People who take medication- Does your mind get more quiet? I hear from lots of people on and/or medication that their minds stops racing and ruminating and overthinking everything I’m stuck on within an hour. Or just basically slows down by a huge margin. I have been dealing with this issue regarding past things that don’t matter or shouldn’t effect me anymore. I hear that medication options for ADHD Such as Adderall, Concetta, Ritalin, etc. Help with this type of issue.",0 "Although i'm not yet officially diagnosed, I'm on the waiting list. My symptoms meet the critera for diagnosis. I score very highly on the AQ test for autistic traits. My doctor is quite sure I must have it and has referred me to be assessed. I also have subclinical hypothyroidism, which I've had since my early 20's. It's supposed to be extremely unusual for males to become hypothyroid, especially young males. My TSH is usually around 7 or 8 but and sometimes goes up to 10. I was diagnosed almost two decades ago and my condition hasn't worsened at all. I've been tested for hashimotos, negative. The cause of my raised TSH is a mystery and thyroxine doesn't seem to make any difference. I've seen some claims online that there might be a connection. Does anyone here have both aspergers and subclinical hypothyroidism. For anyone who doesn't know, subclinical hypothyroidism is a bit of a mystery illness. Doctors can't decide if it should be treated. The cause is often not able to be identified, such has been my experience.",3 "I've been struggling with both insomnia and anxiety the last couple of weeks which I think led me to have a bad flashback. I became stuck in my memory for hours and realized that hours have passed while I've just been crying into my pillow. At this point I'm beyond exhausted. I want to just sleep so badly but now I'm not going to be able to since I now feel upset. My stress has been worse at night since I'm getting frustrated by my lack of sleep. What can I do to end this cycle?",3 People say that they’re scared of death I know but I’m so scared it overwhelms me and it’s constant because of my constant suicidal thoughts. I couldn’t commit last year because of it and I just can’t handle the fear anymore. I’m not happy. I’m tired. I just want to stop existing and I can’t because it’s so scary to me. I don’t know. Does anyone else deal with this? I feel like I’m faking my thoughts but I do genuinely have them I don’t know,2 "PTSD is more like an injury than a disease I think. And C-PTSD is like when a child breaks a bone and doesnt receive help, so that the bone heals poorly, causing more lasting pain. If I got in an accident and broken my bones you wouldn't call me sick, talk to me like a child, tell me I'm diseased, pathological defective, or criticize my character and worldview. You wouldn't tell me I didn't break my bones, becasue only veterans can have broken bones. You wouldn't tell me to suck it up and walk it off. You wouldn't dismiss my thoughts and feelings as just the product of pain. You wouldn't ask me to carry a heavy box if I had a broken leg, and you wouldn't look down on me for saying I can't do that until it heals. So why do so many people, even professionals, do this with PTSD? It's really fucking me up and devastating my self-esteem. I feel broken, different, and inferior. I struggle everyday not to feel bad thinking about the awful ways that people, ewcpailly healthcare peofessionals, have characterized my struggle.",3 "Bit of background, my friend who has aspergers says he's like 99% sure I have it as well. I keep asking him for advice with social things I struggle with (patience with other people, irritation with loud noises and too much chaos, dealing with a sudden change and not being able to cope, etc.) and he told me I should look on here for some answers too, just to get a broader perspective. I haven't been medically diagnosed, but I see my regular therapist in a week, and I will bring up these new concerns I have then, so wish me luck with trying to put my problems into words. My problem is this: I have bouts of sudden irritation with people where I want to scream and lash out at friends for practically no reason at all. Some internet friends and I are in a fan project and we're ending up doing quite a bit of the work. My forte is definitely writing (I wrote a 25 page script in like 2 hours once and I type at 93 wpm which I guess is really fast) and I'm in charge of writing the script. I got really irritated and defensive tonight when they suggested I work with someone else to collaborate. I don't want them seeing it till it's done. They also don't work in a linear progression. I work very much in a point A to point B and so on fashion. They're jumping around from part to part with the project trying to get a bit done everywhere. It's driving me insane because, to me, they're focusing on arbitrary stuff that shouldn't be worked on till the end. They may be my friends, but right now I wish nothing more than for them to just shut up and f off. This isn't the first time I've been like this with friends. I just have a point where I get sick of my friends, which sounds awful to say. I have a terrible track record with losing friends and long episodes of depression afterwards. That mixed with my social anxiety and awkwardness hasn't been creating the best mental state. This mental health ""episode"" has lasted about a week and a half now. I'm kind of scared... Whether or not this is actually ASD, I'm not one to say obviously (and I'm not looking for a diagnosis from you guys, I don't wanna make it seem like I'm breaking rule 3) but in case it is, I'd like some advice. Has anyone else experienced this? Like...is this normal or is this just something weird? I don't wanna come across as an a-hole with this situation, but I don't even know how to politely tell them to give me space and leave me alone. Also any advice on how to cope with other people would be very welcomed. I obviously can't do stuff like this at an actual job or something (I have an art degree so collaboration is kind of that field's middle name) so anything to help me calm my temper and mind down would be greatly appreciated. I also apologize if this is the wrong kind of thing to ask this sub, I'm just very confused and lost on anything ASD. I would like advice soon, though, as every message I get makes me get more and more irritated. (On top of all that, if this doesn't make sense, I apologize. I work in retail and I'm very mentally/socially drained from my shift.) TLDR; I'm sick of my friends and I'm afraid I will lash out and say things I don't mean. I'm frustrated with their process of getting tasks done and trying to get me to work with another person who doesn't understand my writing style that well. I don't want to lose them as friends and would like advice on how to control my temper/frustration.",3 "Since I was a kid and through much of my adult life, my ADHD has been reflected in how I consume media, especially movies. In my university days I learned about semiotics, and I fell absolutely in love with the idea that there was the potential for meaning in every facet of the construction and presentation and reception and interpretation of a piece of media. I thrive on references, homages, subtext. Heres an example: I was just having a conversation with someone about the new Matrix trailer. It's clear as day in this trailer that the film will explore the idea of ""deja vu"", bringing us back to a story we've already seen, making us question its reality. There's lots of very obvious visual allusion, homage and parallelism, right down to the framing of specific shots and repetition of lines, between the new film and the original. They couldn't be more on the face with this theme. I mentioned this to my friend who also loves film, and they said 'wow, I'm amazed you saw all those little details. I really have to focus intentionally to see that."" But this is how my brain has always, always processed. It's why I love movies in the first place - every little decision adds something to how the filmmakers create meaning. They're perfect food for my ADHD, because I get to microscope down into the semiotics like a kid in a candy store. For me they're not details: they're everything. The details are the text. And I sort of have to do a double take when people say they don't notice that stuff. It's like: wait. If you can't see that, what are you even watching? Why are you even watching? Are you blind? Do you just want a nice pretty story? Why? It's often made me frustrated or angry when people don't seem to connect to those details the way I just normally want to. People tell me that I think too much and can't ""just enjoy"" things, or that I won't shut up, or that I'm overwhelming them or making them feel stupid because I like to talk about these kinds of details when I get fixated on something new that is pushing the dopamine buttons. I get sad all the time because I wish people felt the way I feel, or I recognize that they were not able to be made happy by something that I'm fixated on for the same reasons it made me happy. It's taken a lot of work to get to a point where I'm comfortable owning how my brain works. I'm trying hard not to judge others for their differences in perception, but I often feel judged for mine. But it's still tough. I have had a lot of trouble with making friends and/or romantic partners because I often want them to see things the way I do, and get the same thrills from it for similar reasons, and they sometimes just can't. How do people deal with this and the despair that can come with it? Is it possible to communicate how this feels and establish a mutual appreciation for stuff despite different levels of ""detail intensity"", or is it just about finding people who share my way of thinking?",0 "Don't know much about the spectrum even though I was diagnosed as a kid I haven't looked into it. I dont know much about how others of us who are diagnosed percieve the world. I will say the following: I'm extremely self absorbed, don't think about others much - sometimes it's heightened and I do and I worry how I affect others. Then I can be stuck in my mind in a circle of thoughts and thoughts and more thoughts. Yet if I perceive someone pulls away or is closer with others I can get very jealous and I've felt like ""how dare this person talk to this other person"". I've recently felt and think I almost came close to cutting someone off all because I thought they did not want to be friends. If I could have the energy to think of others and their needs and stuff that would be good but I don’t. I am a hermit quite often and like being on my phone, I think I get on better with those who don't criticise me even if it's meant to be constructive. In my teens and even now in my early 20s I wouldn't do what my dad asked because I didn't want to or didn't see why I should because I was so stuck in my own point of view. I have at times and get jealous wishing I was someone's number one friend. My use of language here is unironically focusing on the words ""I"" and ""me"" hence another allusion to being self absorbed. I've probably nuked a few dozen reddit accounts over the years because I won't be able to handle the responses on a certain post I make (though it will be to ask people's opinions of me) Its pretty silly because people can just not agree on stuff right sometimes? Why delete an account over it? And sometimes reddit reminds me of twitter because in some subs I think it can feel very judgemental in certain situations. I also don't realise that I may be unwittingly hurting someone- I drift in and out of closer contact over the years. Maybe I'm a covert narc because of some of the stuff I've described. I think I use people because I seem to get close to some people then without thinking about it stop contacting and drift away (also kinda said this in sentence before last). I'm not interested in people's lives or at least about asking them or I simply don't think to. If I do it's to appear interested because I feel obligated to. Because I have a habit of cutting contact with people after a while or not really contacting I am scared this will continue to happen for the rest of my life. I also know I've look at people in the lense of ""I could see myself dating them"" and may behave normally or can be friendly and then avoid them. I wish I would stop looking at every guy as a dating candidate - never dated though. That's bad I know and I wonder how many people have felt uncomfortable because of that. Then certain people I ignore if don't want to talk to them but it doesn't mean i have a grudge and I regret that I do it. When people move on I get sad and think ""I wish I was still I'm contact with so and so"" like some * uk college friends (high school/community college but it's still a school environment * and I'm not. I know certain people can pick up on this but I don't really think about my actions and I can tell they are mad or hurt (or I think they are from their outward behaviour). In this sense as a way to protect myself drom regret yet I still feel immense regret. Edit: Added some more thoughts to expand on the original text.",3 "Hi guys. I am newly diagnosed with ADHD combined type from a Psychologist at my school. I brought my diagnosis to my home doctor to ask about medications and she made me feel really shitty. She asked me if I had taken calculus yet and if I had done well in it, and I said yes I loved calculus and I got As, and she said ""You don't have ADHD. Nobody with ADHD can get an A in calculus."" ??? What. Not true. PLEASE respond and back me up if you have ADHD and like calc/math. Also, guess it doesn't matter if I fail other easier classes that I'm just not as interested in. wtf She also told me that I'm just at a tough point in my life (in college) and that I should reevaluate my goals and expect less of myself. Right now I'm struggling to go to class, do assignments, show up to appointments, eat 3 meals a day, pay parking tickets etc. I started crying about my 5 parking tickets that I've gotten so far this year during the appointment, and she told me that everybody gets parking tickets. Didn't give me any info on meds which was all I was asking for. Anybody have advice on next steps? Or how not to feel like an imposter after this? thanks :(",0 Is anyone else experiencing this? I can’t turn my mind off at all.,3 "My trauma happened to me when I was 8. And then a bunch more shit happened repeatedly at different ages. I was put on so many anti-depressants at the same time, and now ex (boyfriend at the time) said it seemed like too much but I brushed it off bc wtf did he know he isn’t a doctor? well I got a third opinion, which is when I found out I was heavily over medicated and actually have PTSD not depression. and I’m too scared to tell people. my ex left me a few months after I tried to kill myself, because I did it in the same place he witnessed his mom try, and it reopened all of his trauma. I know I shouldn’t blame myself but I do. I miss him terribly. And he got a new girlfriend right away to mask it all, but since then he’s been so back and forth with me. and I love him so much, and I know I deserve better and whatnot but what if people are telling him he deserves better than some girl with PTSD? he probably has it too, it’s all relative isnt it? it’s bullshit. it’s hard, and my nightmares are so bad, and I get sick every morning after I wake up from them, and I just don’t know what to do anymore. No matter how much help I get I can’t escape the pain of everything, I can’t get over what’s happened to me, and I can’t get over losing him. Bc as corny as it is, I felt like I could get through it all when I had him, and now I have all the shit PLUS the pain of losing him and the pain of knowing I hurt him.",3 " Hi, I joined this sub today. I recently was diagnosed with PTSD after suffering a couple flashbacks. These are brought on by isolation due to the pandemic, causing me to flashback to childhood abuse that I suffered. I live/work in Canada and need some help with what I tell my HR dept. One of my flashbacks happened while on the phone with a co-worker so I had to explain it to my supervisor and I asked that the details not be shared with the corporate office. I asked for a few days off until I could see my psychologist. It took me a couple days just to calm down anyway. Last week I had my mid year employment review by the supervisor. In the review I was given a “needs improvement “ mark in the reliability section with a note that due to a COVID related situation my sudden absence created problems for the team. I feel that I asked for a reasonable accommodation when I asked for two days off until I could figure out what was happening. I’m certain that if I were in a car accident or pregnant I wouldn’t have be critically marked. What should I do to protect my employment? I’m not sure how Canada differs from the USA. Is contacting HR a wise idea? Letting them know how much? Bringing up the review and contesting it? Thanks much",3 "My mother just got angry at me for making her feel upset because I feel like a complete failure. She's always trying to tell me that I need to love myself, that I should be my best cheerleader, but I don't see things that way. I'm the only one who knows how much of a failure I really am and I can't just lie to myself and say I'm perfectly good enough. I'm not good enough, I'll never be good enough; no matter how much weight I lose, how many social helpers or groups I get help from, I'll never, ever be good enough. It feels like she thinks I'll magically get better if go to some Asperger's help group, but how can they help me? They can't make it so I can actually work enough to make more than $250 max a week, they can't make it so someone actually finds me attractive and wants to be with me, they can't make my friends actually want me around. All they can do is tell me the same shit I learned in school from social workers... I seriously, honestly wish I was just never born... Then no one would have to work about my absolute bullshit...",3 "Recently, me and my friends decided to study together on google meet, were we explain concepts to each other and learns tgings.but this was my first time of knowing hands-on on how much i was lacking in compared to others. they seems to be able to learn things pretty quickly while i have to try a three ir four times more un order to get that into my brain. and my mind feels...weird., like it's a mess and it's much more visible when i am trying to learn with them. which is weird because it has not happened when i tried to study individually (or maybe it did, but i couldn't grasp what was happening in my brain at that time). But the main problem arises when i am trying to answer questions, especially during interviews. its like the concepts are clear in my mind and I know the answer to that question but i have to for more than 5 sec just to organise it and then answer it, which works in some cases but most of the time this delay in answering the question causes panic and i just mess up my answer at the end. i really want to improve this habit of mine, but couldn't find the right way to fix it. if anyone had experienced the same thing and has overcome it, can you please share those tips.it would be really really helpful.",0 "I’m in a dilemma I know some especially with ADHD are also in similar situation. I went to school and got my bachelors degree in 2017 in an administrative career (in my opinion) safety and health management. Only thing I took from that field that I loved was training forklift drivers as a classroom instructor. Time-went so fast I didn’t even feel like I was at work. After I spent almost 3 years exploring that field and now I’m almost 28, I feel pressured to make a Decision however I’m having a hard time settling on something that I know for sure I will enjoy to do. I tried nursing and my CNA instructor recommended I get a job as CNA to get more comfortable with the basic hands on skills before nursing school, but my gut feeling told me not to go ahead with nursing. The only trades/short term certificates in my area are HVAC, electrician, welding, computer networking systems, machining, graphic designing. Medical assistant, x-ray tech, auto tech, and others. Most of the trades to me I don’t find interest in, I find I don’t have interest in te things in physical environment, or don’t pay attention to pipes and or things like that, Im a Preschool classroom aide and I literally feel like I’m baby sitting and having to entertain these 3-4, some going on 5 year olds. I’m hoping being a teacher in elementary school would be lot more engaging and plus I start losing my patience of having to constantly redirect some of these children. The jobs around me there isn’t anythig appealing I hear some people say UPS is a good job although scanning packages before taking them to each house for 8 hours and getting in and out of a vehicle just doesn’t appeal to me Thing that I like: solving problems, being energized by others, having clear guidance or directions for a task and then tweaking it in my own way",0 So here's the thing I have the same routine almost every day even play the same games everyday and you would think that I'd get bored of it but really I find comfort in it but lord help anyone or anything that changes it and I just get annoyed and or anxious idk just some thoughts,3 "I feel like my life is a fluke. I'm always ""going through something"" and I genuinely don't get it. Shouldn't things be easier? I already am hurting so much from depression and how much my brain tells me I don't deserve to live and yet I keep fucking up and making things worse somehow. I am absolutely miserable and in so much pain. This may sound irrational but I honestly don't understand why I'm not dead. I inconvenience people or annoy them and embarrass myself constantly. I do not understand why a person like me exists. There is no necessity. My thoughts are overwhelming, the shame, the pain, and the sadness. I cannot function like a normal human being. I am a burden and a joke. I don't want to keep doing this and I really wish I didn't have to. It's just rough patch after rough patch. I never coast or feel comfortable. Please just make it stop.",3 "How exactly would I maks friends with Asperger's?🧐 Also, I have sort of made friends? But we don't really talk outside of college much and we're not very close. Kinda unsure with what to do.",3 "Hi - I'm hoping I can get some recommendations. First off, my heart goes out to anyone in here. You're all insanely strong and inspiring. I witnessed my Mom die in front of me this summer(July 1st). I can still close my eyes and see her turn blue and the nurses running into help. Long story short, her cancer treatment got into her brainstem and killed her. It could have been prevented but every worst-case scenario happenened and my Dad is something to a lawyer. Like I said before, I watched it all happen & had to be the one to call my Dad. When they finally let us in to say goodbye, they didn't make her look presentable and I lost it. Sorry for babbling. I shake constantly. I did for awhile after she died, but more so now since I found was the cancer treatment. Like, right now I'm fully vibrating and my head is going back and forth. Has anyone dealt with that? I wasn't sure if it was just my anxiety or if I have a bigger problem to deal with. I hope its ok to ask and sorry again to bother you. Thanks.",3 "Hey /r/ptsd community, I hope you're doing at least okay and that you had a good new year, be it with friends, with family, if you're isolating or just having me time. 2020 has been a rough year for all of us, but I am hopeful that 2021 will be better. Here's to all your successes, your survival, and if nothing else, to just getting by, because that's still something. Since we have over the holidays again received a few posts regarding suicide, we (the /r/ptsd mods) have decided to institute a suicide policy, which will be added to the sidebar since there hasn’t been one stated anywhere previously and we think it’s time we posted one. Basically: We recognize [Reddit’s Suicide Policy](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/360043513931) and posts or comments advocating it will be removed. If you are seeking help you will be directed to /r/suicidewatch and [their resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines)--since we cannot know where somebody is located and cannot maintain an international directory. Suggesting others commit suicide will result in an immediate ban. If you see any suicidal posts, please report them to us. While the mods are spread across different timezones, we do have the ability to review every post that comes in. In the spirit of mod transparency, if we see a user is posting something with suicidal or serious self-harm tendencies, we will take the following actions: * we will inform reddit, using the report function. Which you are also welcome to do as well, in addition to reporting to us, so that we can react ASAP. > Reddit has partnered with [Crisis Text Line](https://www.crisistextline.org/) to provide redditors who may be considering suicide or seriously hurting themselves with support from trained Crisis Counselors. If you’re worried about someone, you can let us know by reporting the specific post or comment that worried you and selecting, *Someone is considering suicide or serious self-harm*. After you let us know, we’ll reach out (confidentially) to put them in touch with Crisis Text Line’s trained Crisis Counselors. * the post will be removed, per the recommendation of the [National Suicide Prevention Alliance](https://www.nspa.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/NSPA-Guidelines-Responding-to-Suicidal-Content-Online.pdf) > ""Unsafe content can have a negative and potentially dangerous impact on others, and should be removed"" * And we will follow up with a public reply for OP, as well as anybody from the community who may come across said post: > Hey /u/[OP], we’ve seen your post and we’re worried about you. If you are considering suicide, please call a [hotline](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) and/or visit /r/SuicideWatch. The best way of getting a timely response is through a hotline. > /r/ptsd may not be the best place for your post. While we are a support community, we are not professionals. A lack of responses to your post does not show a lack of interest in willing to support you. > If you are looking for a dialogue, please visit /r/SuicideWatch or call a hotline. /r/SuicideWatch has an extensive wiki page with suicide hotlines around the world, in many languages. > Please understand that, as your post may trigger difficult or distressing emotions in other people, including suicidal feelings, I have decided to remove your post from /r/ptsd's listing. > If you can, please post your message again. If not, remember that there are services available in every country if there is someone you would like to talk/chat/text: [a list can be found here](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines). If you’re not sure you can keep yourself safe, please contact your GP/doctor, go to A&E/hospital or call your emergency number. Please take care. Do you have any thoughts, comments, or wishes regarding our policy? Take care, and I wish you all a better 2021! the tl;dr: > We recognize [Reddit’s Suicide Policy](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/360043513931) and posts or comments advocating it will be removed. If you are seeking help you will be directed to r/suicidewatch and [hotlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines). Suggesting others commit suicide will result in an immediate ban.",3 "It secretly terrifies me that I have no solid personality or identity. If you asked me who I am, I could only give you my name and age. My identity is fragmented and prone to shattering under pressure. I have no idea who I am, but I know each of my created personalities very well, it’s like being 50 people all at once and nobody at all at the same time. I’m an empty body with a mind that’s overflowing.",2 "I’m having a tough time right now because I feel like I’m running up against all these deadlines. Its a rush to get married soon and I have barely dated. It’s a rush to cement my career which is going ok but not quite a steady job. There’s different points where a person with Asperger’s will really struggle. I think this is one of them.",3 "I know that we all talk about having a difficulty to focus, but an inability to read/listen? What? Technically people with ADHD can read/listen, and some of us could get invested in our own interests from time to time. However most people won’t see us like that. They’ll see us flunking out of school, lagging behind others, etc. Maybe you’ve once read a novel in a sitting, and maybe you can read material from your special interests. But this world looks at consistency, and to your colleagues you can’t read - except for that one time you’ve had an unexpected gust of energy and you work faster than anyone. So therefore, you can’t read. And on a larger scale, you can’t consume information. It’s honestly the only way that I can explain this part of ADHD - I am disabled and I ought to be fucking proud of calling myself that. Since I got medicated I’ve been doing better in life and people are slowly going to wonder why. They’ll probably first see that I’m able to read now.",0 "This is my last semester of college, i’ve somehow made it this far but i’m so behind on homework i don’t know how i’m going to do it. I’m in the process of getting an adhd diagnosis and it’s like it’s kicked into high gear for one last hurrah or something. I’m 3 weeks behind in one of my classes, and for another class I was supposed to turn in an essay last week that’s worth a third of my grade and i’ve barely even started. ive set aside time every day to work on it and i just can’t do it. my executive dysfunction has never been this bad before i don’t know what to do. today i just broke down because i feel so useless. Ive dug myself so deep i don’t know how i’m gonna crawl out.",0 "so i have been diagnosed with adhd by my psychiatrist since my freshman year of high school and i’m now 19. i have most of the symptoms (inattentiveness, trouble focusing, stimming, hyperactive mind, trouble completing tasks or finding any motivation to, hyperfixations, the list goes on). but after reading about adhd meds (i’m prescribed vyvanse) it seems like it effects me more like a person without adhd? i get jittery, my heart rate rises, it feels like there’s electricity running through my body, i can focus better and i get a boost of motivation for the first few hours. it also makes it to where i can’t sleep sometimes (although i already have trouble with that). i don’t get any euphoria though, i just feel like i can do stuff. hearing about how it’s supposed to affect people with adhd, it’s apparently supposed to just make you feel normal? im just wondering if my side effects are normal for a person with adhd or if i actually don’t have it (which seems unlikely because of my long list of adhd symptoms) i’m just pretty confused. do you guys get the same feeling?",0 Like say you have an intrusive thought about your partner. Does it cause you to see them differently? Or an intrusive thought about anything. Does it cause almost like a reality change in your head that feels so real?,1 I've had pretty bad depression for years now and after high school my depression hit me pretty hard and from time to time I still have my episodes. But I believe my depression has pushed away a lot of people I once had really good relationships. Most recently I think I realized I potential indirectly pushed this girl I've had feelings for years away because of my depression. A lot of people will tell you your depression can be a big factor in you why some people may want to avoid you. I'm sorry to all my friends and family that my mental health pushed them away. I also deal with anxiety also makes me think that people I once were close with purposely avoid me because dealing with me is a drag on my life. I have very bad self-esteem issues and I don't really think good of myself. I constantly look at the mirror and point out my flaws. I've even gotten to the point where I don't think I'm deserving of love. If I could do it over again and change it all I think I would be much happier.,2 My life has no purpose and people heavily dislike me i have no friends no girlfriends people don’t even want to talk to me when I reach out so much so that I’ve spent the last 6 months in self isolation with no one now I’m to the point were the thought of being around people feels me with anxiety I’ve been emotionally starved my whole life and nobody cares not even myself I’m going to go get drunk now I’m sorry I failed the world goodbye.,2 "We are both on the spectrum and last week we were discussing a Kpop artist saying the r-word. She’s a Stan. I don’t really care about Kpop. So naturally we were on opposing sides. We never really gotten heated at each other. I made a sly joke to her though saying “it’s fitting that you’re pfp is a clown” it actually was one lol. I thought it was clear that I was joking as she heard me say it. Today, she told me that she’s not talking to me, I asked why? It was 9 and I just woke up. She’s not telling me. I kinda pieced the puzzle together later and I apologized through text. It doesn’t help that her parents can’t let her have much time on social media when she’s at home. But I am worried that I legit upset her. There is a possibility that she wasn’t serious but I am shaking as she is my best friend. I love her. And I really didn’t want to upset her. Edit: update in comments",3 "I got deep mental health issues that would require serious and frequent therapy but I can’t afford it. My financial difficulties made me move back to my psychologically abusive father’s place and being able to afford a new place would tremendously help with my mental health. I can’t even express with words how damaging it’s been to my mental health. Nothing makes me happier than travelling but it’s just not an option right now, I can’t afford going anywhere despite having all the time in the world to do so as I recently lost my job. I could probably find a job in a field that hires a lot and move out but I don’t feel capable of doing anything new. I can’t focus, I’m clumsy, distracted, pretty sure depression gave me memory losses, I’m very introverted, shy and I have zero self esteem. I’ve had problems professionally due to the way I am. I couldn’t stand another failure at the moment.",2 "There are some days we’re I lose all empathy and become the biggest narcissist, I think about starting a cult and becoming a criminal legend. There are days were I get so anxious I can’t leave my room and I have trouble speaking to people. There are days were I have trouble getting out of bed because I’m so depressed, I lose all motivation and assume no one loves me because I’m lonely. I get thoughts of suicide and start drinking. There are days were I’m so happy that my energy goes through the roof and I forget all my problems in life. I could care less what anyone thinks about me. Sometimes these moods are for months and some for hours. It’s obvious I have some sort of identity issue. I have been diagnosed with Autism and I don’t know what to do. This is something that has been a problem for a while and I don’t know what to do. Can someone give me an answer please?",3 "I've had a recent falling out with a friend that I've had for many years. Some days it feels ok, today it feels really bad. It's giving me flashbacks many years ago when my friend group from high school avoided me and blocked me from contacting them when my family was going through shit time. I had 0 social support from family and friends for years. Instead, I was told to ""respect people when they don't want to hang out with you"" even when I had literally nobody to talk to. I wanted to die. Articles online say that being socially ostracized feels like a death. Can someone give me advice on how to deal with this?",3 "It's 1AM, I've got a massive assignment due tomorrow. I can't get myself to do it. I don't even like the program in. I wanted to be a copywriter and I'm doing a bunch of graphic design shit for the most part. Writing comes easy enough to me in the right context; the working with computers to create designs thing does not. It's funny because when I was a kid I was good at drawing- but that's simple enough, pencil to paper. I could type a great paper in a short matter of time. Making design decisions takes me fucking ages, gathering all the fucking information required takes me ages, I can't stop procrastinating. I've already given so much of my life to this program and it's about to go down the drain. My medication isn't doing much for me anymore. I'm back to drinking too much. I'm fantasizing about trying to start a music career even though that never went anywhere when I tried it back in the day. I'm investing to much emotional value in potential relationships that are likely doomed to fail. I'm giving into every distraction I can to avoid this shit. So here I am. I think I'm ready to throw away my future in the advertising industry because I can't get on board with how my school program operates: I need to be good at something I hate doing. There were no copywriting programs I could apply to in my country/area that weren't post-grad, so I went for the buffet of shit that I'm about to eat. And here I am able to type this massive diatribe about fucking it all up.",0 I'm about to open a channel on YouTube and I usually look away from the camera because I feel uncomfortable,3 "Wondering about how medication works for helping focus on things a student might not be as interested in (school work). My student has been on meds for a year and they certainly work to help with focus, but that focus is often directed at areas of interest (phone, book, etc) rather then the subject matter in class or homework that is a necessary task in the moment. I feel like medication helps one focus, but not necessarily what to focus on, but I don't think I completely understand how ADHD works so I'm seeking some perspective. Is it possible that medication or an increase in medication can help a student who knows school work is important to focus on school work even when they'd rather focus on something of interest?",0 "Hi guys, I’m filling out a referral form I received from my GP. There’s a section that says, “Please provide examples of the current difficulties the person has in the following areas:” and both Social Interaction and Social Communication are listed. My brain isn’t working too great at the moment as my daughter and I have Covid, so it might be really obvious, but what’s the difference? Thanks",3 "One month ago I posted that I wasn't sure about asking to work less. I worked 50plus hours a week for the last 10 months sometimes a few hours less. I enjoy my job But I couldn't mentally and physically recover during the weekends or in the evening. I drive a truck in mostly city traffic placing containers etc. Lots of thinking and planning ahead plus some climbing etc. When I had 3 instead of 2 consecutive days of rest I noticed myself feeling way more alert and being able to catch up on housework and other things that are challenging with ADD before working and letting everything slide again. I noticed a decline in my strength and started to get signs of a second burn-out. already been out of work for a year because of it. I was too afraid of asking for 4 days of work because in my mind I should work 5 days like everyone else. I was already doing it. So I shouldn't complain and continue. But it isn't possible anymore. My body and mind will just shut off and I started needing to take a nap during my one hour break so I could finish my day. I am 27 years old and a very active windsurfer so this isn't normal at all. I took 2 weeks off to sort myself out another post. But I finally acknowledged and accepted that I just can't do it. Then I asked my agency to assist me in this because I didn't know how to bring it. They are way more experiënced in these type of things. All said and done. From now on I am working 4 days a week. It is a slight decrease in pay but my health and wellbeing isn't measured in money. I still make enough to easily get by. But now I will also have some time and energy to maybe enjoy living.",0 "just wondering if anyone else experiences this. I didn’t fully start it until last year when my dad passed away, If my anxiety is particularly high I can spend all day like this. I try grounding techniques and they work for a brief period of time but it isn’t long enough. I want to go to a long-term facility but I don’t have proper insurance to do so (USA) but I am too afraid to call and set up yet again another appointment with a psych anyway.",1 "I’ve been dealing with anxiety for quite a while now. It usually manifests as hypochondria, where I’m scared that I will develop a certain illness. When it gets especially bad, I will ruminate on it and research for hours on end in an attempt to quell my anxiety (this all feels totally logical in my head). It was manageable for a while, but a few months ago I had an anxiety attack and since then my anxiety has been worse. I’d constantly think about my anxiety, how to get better, and worry if it will get worse. I’d constantly read online for reassurance or whatever reason. I’d get more anxious if I wasn’t constantly reading or thinking about it. Once I finally got over that, my worries switched to a new theme - existentialism. Now, I constantly ruminate on existential ideas such as consciousness and life after death. I’d read up on theories online an freak myself out over them and research/ ruminate to quell my fear. This fear feels way less logical so I can much easier push these thoughts away, but every once in a while my brain chimes in with a “what if?” and I get scared again. This sounds like pure O but I feel like I’m missing some crucial symptoms. I don’t get those out of the blue, intrusive thoughts like most people here say they do. I’m definitely obsessive to an extent, but these are always started by something I see online that triggers me, not from my own brain. These triggers scare me so much that I feel like I have to reassure myself, else the uncertainty causes a lot of anxiety. This feels like a compulsion. I know there’s some overlap with OCD and other anxiety disorders, so I’d like to hear some of your opinions.",1 "This game is so addicting that it sucks up useful productive time such as working on competitions. I don’t know why I like such a crap game where 90% of the games are Jojo knock offs, pet tycoons, and FPS shooters. I have figured out that my roblox addiction is a catalyst for my procrastination on design competitions. Do any of you fellow aspires have any suggestions on how to combat this?",3 "So, ideally, the best way to fight OCD is to not engage in compulsions, right? For example, I'm currently sitting outside my job in the car. Got a few minutes before I need to go in. From the small bit of driving I've done today, I already have a number of things I want to address with my mom. When I vent to her about these things (""did I hit x etc""), I'm assuming that's my compulsion, because nine times out of ten I feel better afterwards. So if I somehow convinced myself *not* to bring up these issues, if I somehow convinced myself to attempt to forget all these ""incidents"" instead of going over them with mom (or someone) at some point, would I essentially be fighting the ocd the right way?",1 "Hi, I’m [F26] diagnosed with ADHD-C although I lean more towards the inattentive type. I can be very impulsive and often feel very restless when I’m in a situation where I need to be still. I have a habit of doubting my diagnosis and often feel like I’m “faking it” or just trying to “take the easy way” by subconsciously tricking my healthcare providers into believing I have ADHD that way I can get medication and university will be easier.. anyways, one common thing I see people with ADHD often talk about is having racing thoughts… which I do not experience .. I feel like I also rarely deal with anxiety but sometimes mild depression… is it possible to have ADHD without having racing thoughts or anxiety? Or is this a sign that I’ve been misdiagnosed?",0 Does anyone else with OCD struggle with thinking about the future? Whenever I think about my future or anything related I feel like it heightens my symptoms.,1 "I work at a dog daycare center. Since there’s generally 20-30+ dogs to a yard, it’s inevitable that a fight will break out every once in a while. I’ve had multiple instances where a fight breaks out in my yard, and of course I have to intervene immediately. I grab the dog that’s the main aggressor and crate them. Other employees come running to help. Now here come one of the supervisors or managers. They ask me which dog they were attacking so we can check that dog for injuries. And I can’t fucking remember who the hell all was involved in the fight. I definitely saw it, but my brain just completely ejects that information as soon they’re out of my field of vision. It happens more often than not. It’s sooo frustrating and has actual serious consequences for my ability to do my job. Can anyone else relate to their memory really fucking with important things?",0 "Hello everyone! I recently discovered what ADHD is and after alot of research and documentaries it turns out i fit the innatentive ADHD extremely hard. It was mentally very heavy to process. It explains so many struggles ive had in life with my studies, friends and relationships. Im going to get evaluated early 2022 and i was wondering if people have some tips or advice on things i can do already? I am extremely forgetfull on little things and organizing my day is just terrible. I honestly cant wait to get evaluated and get professional help but for now id want to do as much as i possibly can to get the most out of it. Any help is greatly appreciated!",0 "I was wondering DAE use vaping for anxiety and also to help lower meltdowns? The when you have a full blown meltdown but when you can catch it happening at the start and notice things becoming overwhelming mentally? I started with CBD end of last year and then tried nicotine which I use only for when I feel meh, I will sometimes use it a lot and get a buzz and feel really calm where as other days I won’t at all. I mainly used it for pre anxiety meds but I’ve continued it and feel both are useful. I ain’t addicted to it which is weird as I have a very addictive personality.",3 Looking to get into that field- but with no computer experience plus I’m 42 year old Aspie female.,3 "Everyday of my life for the past few years has been nothing but fighting for control over my emotions. It's a constant draining feeling that overwhelms me mentally and physically. I simply cannot remember the last time I felt genuine happiness or enthusiasm. I feel like I do not have a purpose in life, I'm fighting a losing battle with my own brain. ​ I am 20 years old and this all started when I was around 14-15, there was nothing bad about my life I was an ordinary teen with an ordinary family. But ever since the depression hit it's completely changed who I am. I stopped going out, I stopped eating, I started being cold towards everyone. ​ I spend pretty much all my time sitting in my bed on my laptop to try and distract myself from this constant horrible feeling but it's just always there, preventing me from experiencing life to the fullest. If I try to think about times when I was happy then it just makes me feel worse knowing I won't enjoy life like I once did, if I go through social media I feel worse seeing my friends living their lives while I slowly rot in my bed. I abuse drugs and alcohol since being high is the only time I can feel even somewhat alive. Depression has completely altered the course of my life, I used to be an ambitious person with hope towards my future, now I just feel completely defeated merely 20 years into my existence. I would not commit suicide since I do not want to leave that burden on my family but I do get a slight feeling of relief whenever I think about suicide. I do not know what to do with my life, I just simply exist.",2 "like for example i was looking for my gum and my earphones in my bag and since my head doesn't stop i found myself aimlessly looking for something i already found and is in my hand (the gum) then i stopped and i was like ""wait what was i looking for again ? oh right my earphones"" and i kept looking then the moment i found them i realized that i don't need them",0 I feel so alone. I have “friends” but I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to. I feel like life is worth living sometimes and nothing I do is right. I tried looking for a partner and just feel like I want someone to love me. I am like a black sheep in my family and always felt like an observer. I’m jealous of my siblings who get along well and have normal interactions. It is difficult for me to communicate with others and growing up most my life only had one friend. I contemplated therapy but I can’t afford it right now. I really feel like talking to someone but scared of sharing the darkness in my life. I wish I could be normal like everyone else. I feel like I’m a spectator watching everyone live life,2 "This could be any school, whether it’s primary, secondary, or university. I feel like graduating from high school has pulled the rug from under my feet. I didn’t realize how much the routine was helping me stay organized and sane. It’s been a few years now since I’ve graduated and entered the adult world, I didn’t go to university either. I feel a little lost and extremely anxious sometimes when I just have nothing to do or when my current routines are interrupted. They’re nowhere near as rigid and repetitive as going to school was. I used to think I really didn’t like school, had no idea I’d be missing it in my adult years. What kind of advice might you guys have for replacing that level of routine? What kind of routines do you guys have now?",3 "I've been really struggling with my rage lately, much more than usual and I don't entirely know why. My throat is sore from screaming into pillows, my knuckles are red and they hurt from hitting walls, I'm exhausted, my ears are constantly ringing from hitting myself, had to pull out a shard of wood from my hand because I punched the door as well. I'm getting bruises all over my arms and legs, I'm getting scratches from scratching myself with needles. And this all started because I engaged with that emotion, just a week ago I just lose control of my rage when I forgot to take my wallet with me to the shop then something snapped and I walked to a private property where nobody was there in a rage and hit a brick wall as hard as I could. Then it was all downhill from there, diabetes is a big trigger of my rage and been having some real shitty blood readings so that has been the main cause of this downhill spiral of the rage I've worked so hard all of my life to control. I've realised how much of my life I spent keeping myself calm, keeping away from triggers, doing anything in my power not to trigger this demonic rage. I've tried deep breathing and it worked for a bit, but when diabetes does its usual daily crap I instantly forget in that moment and mindlessly start punching things and screaming at the top of my lungs. Maybe I'm getting addicted to engaging with this rage or maybe my body is I don't know, but it's ruining my life, I kinda want to die, and now that the door is damaged I'll have to tell my dad about what I've been struggling with, he doesn't really know yet I think because he works alot and I wear long sleeves. I am just fed up with diabetes, I am so tired and exhausted, one day I'll just get so angry I'll get myself killed in a freak accident, I sure hope it'll be painless.",3 "My third year of university is starting tomorrow and I'm dreading having to go even though I'm vaccinated. That would mean I would have to use the public transport at peak hour, which means LOTS of people in a cramped area, which also means I would have to shower for an hour every day and basically break down mentally doing so. I hate it. My brain sees outdoor situations as there constantly being Covid in the air where there are people, so I feel terribly contaminated when I have to go out. I don't even take my phone with me(bad, I know), because I just hate having to disinfect it. It takes so much time and effort. And thing is that I don't even see my obsessive habits with hygiene excessive at all. Do you deal with this obsession and how do you cope with having to physically attend college or work?",1 "I always have had friends. Most of them I never see, they are online friends, but either way, they are friends. I have real life friends too, but I have mostly just not seen them. Like I have a fear of seeing people or just feel like it is pointless. Online friends last a while, and then I tend to just stop messaging them. I don't know why I do it, but I do. I feel like they don't care to hear what I say, and I tend to just think that having friends distracts me, even though it hurts to be alone. Or I simply just get bored of people easily. What is wrong with me? I feel like every relationship fails with me. It is bland. People are not like me. People don't spark interest in me. There are rare instances where I attach to people for a long period of time, and genuinely want to be with them forever, but that is incredibly rare. I feel like I am built to be alone, and it hurts. I want to be social, but it feels like every time I try, I fail and end up getting hurt more.",3 "I finally had enough and am going to see a therapist. I don't think CBT will work as I know my thoughts are fake and can't really do anything to me, but there constant presence itself is so annoying , that I have to pull full brakes on my life. I cannot function properly as I am constantly battling them. So I was wondering if I end up taking medication will it work. Has it worked for any 9f you",1 "Like drip coffee vs cold brew, matcha, or energy drinks? They all hit differently. Drip coffee puts me on my ass so fast and hits the ""dirtiest"". Feels great for 20 minutes. Then it really messes me up. I get so tired and irritated. What do I do, drink more and feel worse? It's like trying to drive a long haul truck on buggy wheels. Can anyone relate to this? Energy drinks or cold brew, sometimes green tea, can be ""cleaner"" and more helpful, but I find myself getting side tracked to be a more lengthy experience... Nothing makes me more sedentary and spacey than caffeine and no plan. I also find that when I develop a tolerance to caffeine it stops giving me any of the desired effects.",0 " Hi, I was wondering if anyone has any resources on how to handle physical intimacy aimed towards someone who’s autistic. I’m autistic and am not really good at social situations, I think I can now judge what people might be feeling and stuff but I feel like I’m really awkward in romantic/intimate settings and might seem a bit disinterested due to my lack of facial expression, monotone voice, etc, and I don’t really know what to say it do, I know no one can really tell me but is there any general guides for the conventions of this stuff? It’s just making me a little anxious because I’m just naturally shy but also might come off as a bit weird. Any help would be greatly appreciated, thanks.",3 "So I don't check if the door is locked much anymore, only when it is night time and I check once. But now I have to make sure every light is off after usage. I get distressed if lights are not off or if the tv is not off when it is not being used. I'm not sure why this new obsession came about. I feel like this obsession was worse than when I was checking if the door was locked several times a day. This new obsession gets in my mind more often.",1 "MY BRAIN DOESN'T FUCKING STOP I don't think I've ever had a clear head in my whole damn time on this earth. I used to never care because I was a kid but now that I'm an adult my ADHD is insane! What's this? What's that? What am I gonna do? Where should we go? Why? Where are we going? How is this made? How does that work? Why? How would this work out? What are my friends doing? Why? What did my supervisor say? How do I repair this? Why? I feel like my brain is a fucking trash compactor. Got some empty space?? Nah, let's fill it with ABSOLUTE USELESS TRASH to keep you occupied!! This isn't really a ""help me"" but I thought it would be funny to express this cause... Fuck me, this is exhausting being ON all the time.",0 "ADHD is f* hard to deal with. We deal with it because we were born this way and because we have to. Put someone without ADHD in our unmedicated heads for a day, however, and they’d probably be crying from frustration after ten minutes. When I think back to how much I managed to achieve unmedicated, just accepting how things were because I thought it was how everybody felt, it’s really quite incredible. The intelligence required to get this far, the motivation I continued to have despite not being able to do anything with it (which would unfortunately manifest as anxiety and paralysis), the ability to complete things that should’ve taken weeks in one night and still do well at it etc etc. I managed to do *all* that, to survive *all* those years unmedicated, even with the whole world designed to work against me, and I think that’s really bloody impressive! In fact, medicated or not — because medication doesn’t make all your problems immediately just disappear — it is extremely impressive that you’ve done the things you’ve done so far, even if it’s as ‘small’ (‘small’ in quotes because it’s not really small) as looking after yourself! I see so many people on this sub say they feel upset, because they’re holding themselves to the same standards as a ‘normal’ person, using their experiences as a baseline, and it just isn’t a fair comparison. Remember that what society deems “the bare minimum” is actually something that the majority of people struggle to achieve, whether it’s due to ADHD or something else, so make sure to congratulate yourself for getting this far and doing what you’re doing! I really am so proud of you and you should be too.",0 "I can't go an entire day with thinking about the man who molested me I can't get these memories out of my head I can mostly deal with them but its hard and I need some tips",3 "i’ve only recently been reading and discovering things about my diagnosis and i’ve come across a couple articles that gave some rules and tips for relieving OCD symptoms but i want to hear them from actual people. so, one of them said that i have to avoid caffeine, or at least completely minimise it’s intake to reduce anxiety and stress. i’m not sure if it actually works, even though i’ve tried drinking coffee for a couple days and then not drinking it at all, as well as tea. does anybody have any experience with that? next, since some of the anxiety-related things i do is bounce my leg, click, crack my knuckles and other stuff. i’d really like to deal with situational anxiety and stress to avoid these and the anxiety itself but i don’t know what could help, even after searching online. any answers, advice and etc. would be really helpful",1 "(18f) I have only had one therapy appointment with my new therapist, but I like her a lot, I’ve never had good experiences with therapy. (elementary-high school therapy) I often feel misunderstood and pervious therapists seem to have only had the interest of medicating me immediately without actually evaluating my symptoms. Within 5 minutes of my first appointment with my new therapist she asked me about a bipolar disorder screening, I mentioned I wanted to hold off on treatment and medication at first until it can be better determined what is wrong with me. 15 minutes later, she tells me she ruled out bipolar disorder completely. Her focus now is emdr therapy for ptsd. Which, I was aware I had ptsd before, just undiagnosed. I understand we only had one appointment, but I have thought I may have aspergers since I was a freshman in high school and learned about autism/aspergersz. I have a lot of social anxiety, cognitive issues, sensory issues, obsessive behaviors, and I’ve always been the “weird girl” who misunderstands jokes and takes everything too literally. I strongly feel like something has been wrong with me my entire life, Hell I only survived high school because I would have both ear buds in blasting white noise and music so I could avoid every noise and all human interaction. I still can’t handle any noise or unfamiliar situations without breaking down with a panic attack x10, I quit high school twice (finished online), and have never had a job last longer than two weeks. Anyway, I’m reluctant to mention possibly having aspurgers until perhaps, my therapist mentions it. That is the only way I could know for sure it’s not all in my head, although, I am absolutely miserable and dying for something to finally make sense, and have been my entire life. I am 18 years old and have lived every second of my life in mental solitude. I want to find out whatever is wrong with me, aspergers or not, and finally live as close to a normal human as I can. I feel crazy, like I’m alienated. I just want to feel how others do, so maybe I can actually become a productive adult. How do I tell my therapist I think aspergers could be the root of all my issues without coming off as ignorant/uneducated? Ps, I’m sorry if this didn’t English :/",3 "Hi guys—I feel like a lot of people always match OCD with things like being orderly, sometimes with others and sometimes not. Does anyone here have clinically diagnosed OCD but not that particular symptom? I am not diagnosed (hope to get professional advice one day!), but I’m suspecting myself because of some things like intrusive thought, contamination/health anxiety/health and general paranoia, depression, anxiety. But I don’t have the orderly-ness symptom. I very rarely (but they are there when they are) have any check-recheck symptoms too.",1 "Yesterday, I completed a homework assignment that took me two hours and I only did 2/3’s of the work. My teacher said it was only supposed to take us 60 minutes to complete. The assignment was for Chemistry and we had to do an online lab type thing. By the time I was on the last question, I didn’t understand any of it and was so burn out that I just decided to turn it in. I got a 60 out of 200 points. I was going to take a break, but I knew if I took a break I wouldn’t have finished it. I hate school so much. Also, my mom keeps asking me to do so much and I’m already so overwhelmed and extremely stressed out. I just wish life was so much easier and that I was NT.",0 My girlfriend and I had an argument and she kept saying be in my shoes and I know why she means but it’s certain things that just set me off and make it to where I am livid to a point of not hearing anything else I keep telling her certain things just trigger me and make me feel Insecure but it always leads back to her Insecurities but I don’t feel I’m being understood when we talk about stuff like that. I really care for her but sometimes this stuff eats at me that I can’t express my Insecurities that she has me go through I just wanna communicate better how I feel without being mad,3 "I currently study university, 3rd year bachelors degree in finance. I won't go around a lot - i gotta say i hate every second of it. It was same in highschool, elementary... When i listen to a teacher, i cant focus. I start to dance and wiggle on my chair to some rhytm, sing something in quiet, i am looking around in hope that i find a sign of something interesting. I look out of the window and i see the world, i think about all the things that are waiting outside, about other cultures, about people and life. Then i go back, look around and i still seee people bored to death, watching teacher that is as uninterested as we are. I love physical sports - i can go skiing and spend the whole day killing it on slopes and ramps without pause, without food and water. Same with gym, basically every physical i can think of... i will do it till i die, or till i win. I wanted to paint something and i spent 7 hours straight painting the 160x110cm picture of a naked women... without any distraction. I will talk the whole night about interesting and deep topics with other people. Just yesterday i spent 8 hours nonstop learning to pick up girls on the street, teaching myself to not be shy, to connect with people, to be as calm, grounded and honest as possible. (no bullshit like pickup lines etc. Just learning to be as present as possible, learning to be ""real me"" without any fear, to express myself) Every activity i enjoy has roots in ever changing environment, new ideas, creativity... a lot of times with a sense of fear and danger. I love adrenaline. Sense of overcoming limits of my physical and mental capabilities. But... Introduce me to something just mildly boring, mildly repetitive and i will literally scream my lungs out. I feel such a discomfort, just plain mental pain... I just want to pack my shit, tell big FU to everyone and leave everything behind... I dont feel like there is something wrong with me. I just sense that i dont fit into school, office... into any of these environments, while simultaneously everyone else wants me there. I dont even know if i am looking for advice. To me, it seems like somewhere, deep inside me, i already know it. TL:DR Boredom, school and repetitive tasks are killing me. It feels like torture. I probably dont even look for advice, i just need to tell somebody. Environment like this is draining my life energy. I can feel myself dying inside.",0 "There is a young man I’ve been talking to who’s threatened suicide a few times and told me today is the day, I’ve not heard bad as he’s not replying to my messages or just not seen them, what do I do!",1 "If someone wants to talk about ocds you can text me, we can talk about it",1 "I am a 22yo male with ASD and was diagnosed when I was 14. Every year I go through a period of roughly 2-3 months where I experience existential depression and a lack of interest in my work. I have always struggled with work and have had more jobs than anyone I know. (70+ jobs/gigs) What I do for work now has been the most sustainable and the longest I’ve ever been in one job. (1 yr 9 mo) I am married and have 2 children so the stakes are higher and I can’t just give up. But every year around the same time I experience this gap. Cognitive dissonance “occurs when a person holds contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values, and is typically experienced as psychological stress when they participate in an action that goes against one or more of them. According to this theory, when two actions or ideas are not psychologically consistent with each other, people do all in their power to change them until they become consistent. The discomfort is triggered by the person's belief clashing with new information perceived, wherein they try to find a way to resolve the contradiction to reduce their discomfort.” I hold values that overlap at times and other times dominate the other. The battle is constantly between being content with what I have and being drawn to what I desire. It’s always between money or peace. I just want to be free. Freedom is all I desire and money seems to be the greatest obstacle. I am always researching startup strategy and Silicon Valley tech is one of my special interests. I love following Y combinator startups and hearing founders stories. I have a strong desire to attain material freedom through having equity in a business and being a founder is the most available path. I’m not technical but I wish I was a computer genius. I haven’t had the discipline to self study because I’m busy raising kids and working. (lame excuse but...) My other deepest interest is in Advaita Vedanta, a philosophy that “refers to the idea that Brahman alone is ultimately real, the phenomenal transient world is an illusory appearance (maya) of Brahman, and the true self, atman, is not different from Brahman.” Brahman is “connotes the highest Universal Principle, the Ultimate Reality in the universe. In major schools of Hindu philosophy, it is the material, efficient, formal and final cause of all that exists. It is the pervasive, infinite, eternal truth and bliss which does not change, yet is the cause of all changes. Brahman as a metaphysical concept refers to the single binding unity behind diversity in all that exists in the universe.” This post is a mix of everything but if there is one goal it would be to see if this seasonal apathy/cognitive dissonance is common among the ASD community. I am here for support if others are, the common denominator of suffering tends to be a strong catalyst of friendship. Peace be unto you all.",3 "I have no feelings , I'm dead . Medication is making me emotionless, I'm a fucking monster not a human being anymore. You guys are lucky, I'm a fucking sick human full of pills in my system cause of bipolar disorder and psychosis. I'm so suicidal",2 "I finally able to force myself to make to an appointment with a psychiatrist after weeks of procastinating and avoiding. But now I am afraid to go to the appointment. I fear that the psychiatrist will judge me, or not take me seriously if I express my struggles studying for the MCAT for med school. I been studying for the MCAT for the past 3 years on and off, but never able to fully completely finish everything. Every once in a while I would get a burst of motivation, and I would study for a month or two, then i would stop. My motivation is low most of the time. It has been 3 years since I graduated from college, and I am still here stuck at home with my parents going nowhere. Some of my friends finished their masters; some got into phD program, some got engaged, and married. While I am here not being able to accomplished anything. I know I must study, I Know I must change to move forward, but I just can't find the will do to it. When I able to force myself to open the book to study, I would not able to do it for long without finding something distracting myself. I Know it's not alright to continue to live a pointless life like this, but I just don't have the motivation for change. I keep procastinating everything in my life. I told my primary dr what I wrote here, and she didn't take me seriously. I am afraid the same thing will happen when I tell my psychiatrist my problems. They probably think I am just another pre-med faking ADD to get some adderall. It's also hard for anyone to believe me because I can't fully articulate my struggles verbally.",0 "For me, one of the big struggles has been food. I hate cooking, often forget to eat until it's so urgent that I'll either go for snacks with minimal nutrition or get take-out. Now with ADHD meds, I also struggle with the extra factor of finding stuff that I want to put in my mouth. I found a meal that hits a BUNCH of my needs all at once and wanted to share in case anyone else needs more options. Components: - Instant rice cups [like these ones.](https://i.imgur.com/9ntYUFU.png) The portion size is great, much smaller than I could make in my rice cooker and it only takes 1 minute in the microwave. - Butter chicken sauce (or whatever jarred sauce you like) - I get a two pack of jars from Costco, it keeps in the fridge for a decent amount of time so it's easy to grab a couple spoonfuls to put on the rice. - Cubes of cooked chicken breast from the freezer. This is probably a product you can buy, but in my case, I just baked a bunch of chicken breast on a productive day, cut it up and froze them for future use. - Frozen veggies. I don't always put these in depending on how I'm feeling, but I like frozen peas as they're small and easy to portion. Heat up the rice for a minute, stir in the sauce and chicken, heat for a little longer, done. It's a small portion, takes literally minutes, doesn't require pots, pans, stove or oven, can throw away the rice cup after so it has minimal cleanup, and it costs significantly less than takeout. And for me, getting protein has been a big challenge for many reasons, so this is a huge win as well. Hope this helps someone else too!",0 "Hi guys. I'm 23 yr old writing this post...I have to apologize in advance if this text makes you feel sad, I don't know what else I have to do. The past 5 years of my life was a total failure while I was doing my best and trying so hard to make everything right. I studied so hard (12 fuckin hours a day) for University Entrance Exam (Iranian Konkur) but I failed to reach what I wanted. I trained so hard to be a professional volleyball player but nobody saw me. After about 10 years of training I have nothing but knee and ankle injuries. I didn't have any supporter or enough money to reach big or even small teams. I did my best in my relationship with my GF, but eventually I found out I'm not the suitable guy for her...she deserved more than me...and I broke up. I convinced myself. I tried to find love but got rejected every time, Nobody loves me and treats me like an option. God I'm tired of that. I did everything to make my parents proud, but I see that disappointed look in their eyes everyday. I am nothing but a loser, and I am very close to commit suicide. I know writing this text does nothing for me and nobody feels me. A doctor told me yesterday that I have OCD and Dysthymia. I don't know what I have to do. I don't see any option for myself.",2 "**His response copy-pasted: “I’m sorry for all of it. I wish there’s something I could do to help but if this is what you need I understand. I hope things work out for you.”** My ex best friend of two years was drunk one night and raped me in my sleep. He had tried to have sex while we were falling asleep and I said no, and I woke up to him on top of me penetrating me while I was laying on my stomach. He came and I asked him why he did it and he said because he was horny. I had this memory repressed and shoved down as far as possible for almost a year. The other day it came back to me and today I told him not to message me again and that I no longer want to be friends with him because of what I remembered. I told him he raped me. I wish there was something I could do to help?? Help what?? You raping me? Judging by this weird response I don’t think I ever knew him. This sounds like something a sociopath would say. It sounds like he’s not acknowledging what he did, like it’s just some off-hand robotic message. Fake sympathy for somebody you don’t know. I’m appalled and disgusted even more in him.",3 "Ages 8-14: moderate OCD, started as compulsions like handwashing, walking in a certain amount of footsteps, etc and ended as intrusive religious thoughts (e.g ""I'll sell my soul to satan"") and ruminations over whether or not I actually meant to sell my soul to satan. Middle school amirite. It went away after that and now I'm 19. A friend expressed possible romantic interest and I can't stop feeling bad about it. Its been almost a year and he's long since lost interest. I genuinely believe him when he says that he's not hurt and wants to be friends still. But fuck. I can't stop thinking about it. Can't stop looking up reddit posts about best friends falling in love, can't stop replaying our interactions over and over in my head. Can't stop feeling guilty, both because I didn't date him and both because I get paranoid that deep down I do like him. It's even affecting me liking other people because I can't even enjoy my attraction to women without wondering if ""maybe I don't really like women as well as men, maybe I'm trying to use them as an excuse for not dating""). Nothing he's said or done since has hinted at him wanting anything more with me anymore, and I know he wouldn't lie about something like that. But I can't fucking stop thinking about it. I've taken to drinking regularly to stop feeling bad but I can't even do that anymore because I throw up when I drink now for some reason. Am I going crazy? Is my OCD back to fuck with me? Am I in love?",1 "Trigger Warning - illicit drug usage causing significant changes in personality, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, emotional blackmail * * * * * * * * * * No judgement towards my spouse please i just want to tell my story. My husband is literally the sweetest and has been made to be an adult since the age of 5 (making doctor appointments groceries and taking care of siblings ect...) so if he wants to go have fun now we’re in our 20’s I let him hang with his friends. Well this particular friend I didn’t know he was with one night I absolutely hate due to another reason, Offered him something and husband came home the next morning and i was pissed so of course I yelled at him but he seemed a little off so I assume he was drinking and let him sleep it off so I can yell at him later. He woke up worse a few hours later and he was super agitated and threatening to harm himself eventually his mom comes to help me (we live with his mom and siblings) and he confesses to his brother he took something that night. To make a long story short he was extremely verbally abusive towards me and only me and he kept trying to leave the house and the hospital wouldn’t take him and I had to physically restrain him and keep him in the house until it came out of his system. I dealt with this for 4 whole days. For 4 days I didn’t shower I didn’t sleep and I didn’t eat because I was scared if I left his side something would happen to him. I had to help him use the restroom,To eat, he threatened divorce, called divorce attorneys, kept asking where more stuff was I stepped back for alittle and let his mom take care of him because he would only listen to her and she let him leave in his car for a drive and one time for a walk and he went running through the streets. I was so scared I thought my husband as I known him was gone mentally or I was going to be a widow at 25. I also forced him into the car with his help of his brother and friends trying to take him to the hospital he looked me in the eyes and cried asking me how I could do this to him. That shredded up my heart into tiny pieces i wish nothing of what I went through in anyone. I also have epilepsy and all of this could’ve triggered a seizure from stress no food and sleep deprevation. His mom tried to get me to eat but I couldn’t i was too upset. But it was the worst days of my life Im not religious but I pleaded with god and bargained to bring him back. My husband was not himself for 4 days he’s normally sweet caring loving and the most amazing man. He isn’t verbally abusive and destructive like that. Apparently what he took sent him into a psychotic episode. But when he came back and was safe I went into a strange state of “nothing” like no emotions for a week. No happy no sad no feeling i was just breathing if that made sense. It felt so weird. I couldn’t feel any emotions. I just slept. And now (its all been since May) I keep waking up in a panic looking at him making sure he’s still here and breathing. And sometimes when he comes home and we have a little fight I get sooo scared it’s because he took something again. I know he wouldn’t because personally that’s his worst nightmare is being out of his mind like that. It freaked him out so bad he cried for a while. But I keep getting scared and remembering what happened and it was the single most traumatic thing that’s happened to me and I feel so a lone because my in-laws yeah they tried to help but it made things worse and my husband wasn’t “there” for it so he doesn’t know what all I’ve done so he doesn’t know what I’ve gone through. I feel like no one understands me. I feel bad because really it happened to him but it was a lot on me to do on my own and I lied to my family about what was going on so they don’t have bad views on him. Sorry it was long it’s my first time telling anyone.",3 "I've been struggling with depression for years, though have to say have had good times and periods of happiness. Much credit to my furry friend who was with me for 11 years. He helped me through the rough patches, getting me out of bed, or just resting by my side. Had to say goodbye to him in September and it has been difficult, at first just shut down for a couple of months. Now keeping busy helps but on quiet days his absence hits like a punch to the gut. I am just weary, not sure if I have the energy for the daily grind or just not sure what I am doing it for. Been trying to do things that might help, hang out with friends, eat a nice meal, talk to a counsellor...but still just find a deficit in energy to do things versus what I feel. Just keep being drained, I know it will probably get better, not sure if I have the patience to get through.",2 "I'm a uni student. I PLANNED to get a decent amount of work done today, and it started off pretty well...and then I got triggered. Couldn't tell you how or why, but it happened. I went through all the steps, the breathing and grounding and all that, got back to work only to find that I could barely concentrate for more than 5 minutes at a time. It's been a while since then and I'm still struggling to get back into the headspace I was in this morning, pre-trigger. It's so frustrating that one small event can cause my entire day to be thrown off like this!",3 "Does anyone else have a tendency to intellectualize their feelings? This is something I noticed about myself recently. Whenever I’m faced with any type of stress I immediately try to understand it. I look for some sort of reason why something is happening or why I’m feeling a certain way. This is how I’ve tried to understand the world all of my life, searching for the “why” over allowing myself to feel. I really don’t know how to not do this. Having a passion for psychology has only added to my need to analyze everything. Does anyone else have this habit as well? Have you found ways to allow yourself to feel over analyze?",0 Hi everyone. I have a general question. I’ve never been diagnosed with ptsd. I keep having vivid and terrifying sleep paralysis episodes and night mares. I have a traumatic past and something recently happened to me (I do not wish to disclose). Are nightmares with ptsd usually specifically reliving the traumatic event? Or can they be general nightmares? I’m wondering if this is a sign that I may have ptsd?,3 So normally during the semester when I’m meant to be studying. I want to game all the time and it’s so fun. And it leads to this cycle of procrastinating and getting stressed bc I haven’t done work so I want to play games even more. THE MOMENT my exams are done. Games and tv shows are no longer fun for a while. Is this an ADHD trait or is this just isolated trait with me?,0 "A few weeks ago I realized I had a gag reflex towards the thoughts of kissing a boy and whatever. This ritual makes me check whether or not I turned gay or enjoyed the thought, but I've basically become obsessed with it. I've been doing this for at least 7 times a day, yesterday it got to the point that I coughed up blood because of it, I felt something missing in my throat. How can I stop this? This is definitely the most destructive ritual I've gotten yet",1 "I used to be into gaming mice, Overwatch sensitivity like DPI and in game sensitivity, and PSA method. But now I feel empty. Looking for a new special interest that involves statistics of other people or professionals. I was considering cars and NASCAR, or statistics itself. I don't know what I would want.",3 "As a gay aspie I find it hard to make dates, I get super super nervous, I have grinder but I am so scared too meet any one is it worth even finding a boyfriend, how does other gay aspies deal with this issue?",3 "I got some art supplies I've been wanting for a long time which were quite expensive, Im getting piano lessons with a highly acclaimed teacher, i got a job offer. Just a bunch of fucking stuff and I have absolutely no desire to pursue them. My mind tells me I don't deserve them, that I'm wasting time and products that could go to other people. That in fact I myself am just wasting oxygen. I fucking tried to pursue life but life doesn't want to let me live it. I feel so wasteful and selfish, getting these things and not caring or using these resources to the fullest. I hate what depression has done to me. It's not a lack of love, people, or life. It is my mind wanting to die, and I hate myself for that. I wish i was never born.",2 "I find that when i struggle to focus, or when I have a lot on my mind, I am SO moody, stressed, agitated and angry. For example yesterday, I was sitting with a local songwriting group (of about 7 people, our sessions are two hours) and after an hour of sitting together—brainstorming and working, I felt SO agitated, frustrated and annoyed because i struggled to maintain my focus and continue working. I had lost my concentration and I literally felt so restless, like a lightning bold was moving through my body and I had to get up, do something else and stop working. I actually felt so impulsive that I wanted to tell a joke or change the subject in order to find some sort of stimulation to curb my restlessness. And I felt so bad, because as I was going through this inner, invisible turmoil, everyone in the group was in the moment, calmly and collectively cooperating and working together as they shared ideas. Can anyone relate? Why do I feel so angry when I lose focus? Does anyone know the science behind mood swings/emotional dis regulation with ADHD? What are some good tips for maintaining focus?",0 "I was a freelancer for several years and re-entered the workforce in a small professional kitchen last July. It has been a fuggin roller coaster to say the least. I had burnt out so hard in my past professional life before freelancing that the isolation just compounded my social skills loss. Coming into this small highly mental health concious work space with fantastic woke af management has actually spearheaded my diagnosis journey. At the start of my time there, I was just textbook Aspie giveaways one after the other, and I didn't even know. Several months in and barely getting over the hurdle of accepting my autism, I'm still fraught with baggage from social isolation. Working on valuing myself without friends has been an uphill battle. I feel like people treat me so differently. I'm already a transplant to this state, and I put my foot in my mouth so often. It feels like people condescend to me a lot even though they're well meaning. I didn't take it well when I realized almost everyone at work was already friends together on instagram by the time I started adding them a month-ish ago. I took it even worse when I found out people I've tried to hang out with out of work who say they're not seeing people cuz of covid are all hanging out. The covid shit makes it way worse cuz u can't casually invite people out where the stakes are lower. People shirk from one on one shit. I hate feeling so cut off from people. Being around people all the time in a work setting when it feels like there's zero prospects of other social time feels worse than being alone with nobody but my freelance community. It's like a fake half measure, and they never get to see me when I'm not a masking mess at work. I just want genuine connection with people, but I push them away without even trying. Its so torturous to me. I know it's not great to put all your friend eggs in the work basket. I also know I'm not unique in that every other friend group has ended disastrously. The last one was over my wedding 3 years ago right before I moved across the country and I haven't recovered since it was so devastating. I don't know how to attract people without coming off as desperate and pushing them away. My spouse is very charasmatic and coaches me on this shit all the time, but it's totally lost on me. Such a fake thoughtless song and dance to appease NT's. What's the fucking point of raising kids to ""be yourself"" when the world is just gonna shit all over you and pull away? ""People love how quirky and funny you are!"" As a fucking accessory or project, not a real human to connect with.",3 "That, or you know you’re right but can’t bring all the details together at once in your mind...",3 "// medical ptsd i hate using the word abuser in the title cause it’s not fully accurate, but it’s the only one i can think of right now. sorry about that. i have a rare disease, and when i was in 8th grade i had doctors tell me i was faking my symptoms for attention. i then spent two months in inpatient rehab isolated from everyone i knew and being told i was wasting their time and stealing resources from actually sick children. there was a lot of gaslighting and i sustained multiple injuries from the treatment i received while there. i also had a roommate code while staying there, and had to watch them revive her. after that the implications that i was stealing resources became even worse. it was pretty traumatic and a year later i was diagnosed with PTSD. this was nearly 4 years ago now, and even though i’m now properly diagnosed and treated it’s still hard. i still have to go to that same hospital because it’s the only one in my area + covered by my insurance with the specialities i need, and as a result sometimes i see the doctors who did that to me in passing. and yesterday, for the first time, one of them spoke to me. i don’t think he recognized me, and i don’t know if that makes it better or worse. he just noticed the leg braces i use and offhandedly said something about how well i was walking with them (he’s a rehab doctor so it’s what he works with). the entire interaction only a couple seconds long, but i just froze and i’m pretty sure i disassociated. my mom said i just stared blankly at him and then the wall when he walked away. i think it was meant to be encouraging, but in my brain it just sounded like he was accusing me of faking/not needing them again. it took me right back to where i was 4 years ago. in the grand scheme of things it shouldn’t have been a big deal, but y’all know how things that shouldn’t be huge become that way sometimes. i’m proud that i’ve made enough progress that i didn’t visibly panic and once we left was able to calm myself down, but i can’t help but wonder if i could make more progress in treatment if i wasn’t constantly confronted with the people who did that to me. i feel like i’m stuck and will be until i can move on from that place, but i can’t for at least another year (i’m still under 18). there’s not much of a point to this post, i just don’t have therapy for another week and needed somewhere to talk about this.",3 "I am on reddit all the fucking time, mainly when I am in a panic or having a really, really bad time. I don't post on here for comfort as much as I used to, but it's like being on here and having somewhere to comment or post something helps me stay distracted with reduced triggers (because of the forum layout). I kinda feel like a loser for this tbh",1 "does anyone feel like they’re leaning into their adhd diagnosis just because you want to have a reason for actually just being lazy and feel like you successfully tricked your therapist into thinking you’re ADHD to excuse that behavior... when in fact you probably DO have adhd, which leads you to feel these things?",0 "Recently I've decided to finally seek help for my anxiety, my doctor previously told me to contact help but my parents told me I'd grow out - newsflash I didn't. I'm now struggling with school work, often avoiding it because I feel anxious af doing it. I can't even pay attention to lectures for more than 5mins, I lose attention and become lost",0 "Im a 19 yr old college student. Im not diagnosed with depression but I am with anxiety, panic attacks, and ocd. Im getting off prozac because it makes me feel pretty dull. I am having some mood swings and depresssive thoughts. I have wanted to make a living off of creating music for years now but I have never even produced a full song. Everyone around me says I have talent but in all honesty I know Im nothing special. there are so many people way better and more determined than I am. I am feeling emotions very intensly right now. I am suffering from writers block constanlty and because I cant for the life of me write something Im happy with, i feel extremly depressed and anxious. I feel like im getting older so fast and I have nothing to show for it. Other musicians have done so much by the age of 19 and I havn't done anything. I know these intense emotions will pass but I'm worried I will never acheive my goals and end up living a life I just have to put up with. Even as I'm wirting this now I feel like I dont have it in me to even stay in my dorm. I just want to go home and run into the woods. I need help. I feel like there is this fog in my head and if I cant get it to go away I wont be able to go on. To anyone who read this all the way through I thank you so much.",2 "I have been completely and utterly unable to switch off from work this week. It ACTUALLY HURTS. My brain ruminating the same things over and over and over again, with my paranoia and guilt that I fucked up, that everybody hates me, etc - it is so bad it is physically hurting now. I just want to shake this feeling and it's taken over my whole body. I am craving reassurance and validation - even though I know that ultimately,that can only come from me. But I am struggling not to act on my thoughts - I want to message my manager and ask if he is annoyed at me, I want to send emails explaining why I made certain decisions, I want reassurance from colleagues that nobody dislikes me........ Really really struggling right now :( stuck unable to move just staring at my phone trying to escape",1 "😊😇🤗 Thank you all for your feedbacks. “Real conversations” have always been complicated with my family and by family I mean my sister and my mom. We generally have some things in common (movies, music), but when it comes to real conversations, understand me and my needs, nobody is here and nobody wants to understand why I act like this or prefer that. I’m just too complicated, too sensitive… I’ve been diagnosed two months ago and I think that it’s even more complicated for them and for me because we don’t understand each other and my family doesn’t understand me and think that I’m “the problem” because I need things to be in a certain way, I like details, I’m picky… My sister had difficulties to put up with me, it was always awkward, but I kept on filing the gap and now I understand why. It’s really complicated to make my family understand ASD, they understand or I will say they listen and tell me they understand, but they don’t because they always make remarks on everything I do.. I try to tell them to read about ASD. It’s like they don’t have time to do it and don’t really want to. I don’t want to coerce them, but we may understand each other better if it was the case, or not idk. I feel a bit alone because I thought they’ll understand me better and would not make any comments, remark every time they see me after the diagnosis. It’s like I never was connected to my family in some ways, masked, and now it feels like I could not talk to them again, it’s kinda paradoxical. Can you tell me your experience please 😇",3 How long is an acceptable timeframe to seek treatment for until you are allowed to kill yourself? Why do people want me to live a miserable life and forever seek treatment?,2 "Whenever I send a text to a friend and they don't answer within half an hour or something I get really anxious. I start to make up all kinds of stories why it may be so. Maybe I did something awefullt wrong in our last encounter or maybe they just don't like the fact I am texting so often or maybe they left their phone on silent because something horrible has happened to some family member of theirs. Sometimes they resond later in the day or in the evening, but other times they choose not to respond at all. Especially this last case hurts a lot. But if I then text again a couple of days later it's like nothing had happened. I can't really talk to them about it because I'm afraid that that would make it only worse. You people also experience something like this?",3 "Gooday everyone.. I have went undiagnosed with ADHD for 12 years (symptoms started at 6 and i am 18), i never knew what was wrong with me and was misdiagnosed many times and given countless meds, mostly antidepressants and antipsychotics and some mood stabilizers, they all didn't do anything obviously... Untill i finally thought maybe this is ADHD, which was very absurd since i had much more problems than just ""attention"" or ""hyperactivity"", and i also already had a diagnosis of MDD (Major Depressive Disorder), and BPD because of my emotional dysregulation among other problems with impulsivity and stuff... Which theoretically seemed like a correct diagnosis, but going on with this diagnosis never fixed any problem i had... And it didn't make sense i would have it, till i learned that ADHD is an **unfuckingly** deep mental disorder, and is much much **much** more than just not being able to direct your focus and impulsivity. I took Concerta and it did to my ""MDD"" and age old studying problems, what about 5-6 antidepressants, 4 antipsychotics and 1 mood stabilizer never did... It felt like i was finally okay, the forced hand on my life was finally removed, i expected all the Concerta would do was help me be better at studying, but i never expected the depression to literally just fuck off, and for me to have control over my thoughts and a long list of other problems, either got literally fixed or still exist but to a much lesser degree, i also still have a degree of emotional dysregulation but it's much less than before... What is there to ADHD? Like, what is ADHD **really** is? How far did ADHD affect my life throughout 12 years of being untreated? I am just... Both confused and happy, i finally figured out the reason i had suffered for such a long time, but i am still trying to figure out how far its reach was... I even read untreated ADHD will give rise to depression... If you got this far, please help me understand what's going on... Please... Any post, video, long reply, DM, anything, i just need someone to help me understand what was going on before medication and after it. Thank you for at least reading till the end. ❤️",0 "I've come to the realisation that, for me personally at least, a lot of moral OCD-related fears come back to the theme of ""contamination"", ""tainting"", or ""dirtying"", in the same way more societally well-known/understood forms of OCD do. Think Lady Macbeth and her *""Out, damned spot""*! With a moral issue, the mind and soul feels impure or unclean too. I have a particular fear of becoming evil ""by proximity"": *""I researched a person who did incredibly bad things. I made a joke about them to my friend. What if a stranger saw that joke? Would they think I supported the bad person? Am I just as bad as them? Will I forever be associated and therefore tainted?""* It's a terrible thought distortion. I write this as I'm pushing through it, trying to return to a baseline logic of no, funnily enough, I am not pure evil for having an incredibly tenuous ""connection"" - if you could even call it such - to a person capable of evil acts. I'll overthink my actions of years prior, only to realise I did or said something last month, or last week, that I no longer agree with - like an endless running race to escape myself. To become ""better"", whatever that may be, to do ""better"" in the given moment, but live with the uncertainty as to whether I'll regret it again later anyway. I don't want to hurt people. Fundamentally, I don't want to upset or hurt anyone if I could have avoided doing so. I know accidental hurt is sometimes inevitable, but I fear falling into something really heinous that betrays my core values. I hate this damned disorder.",1 "Can anyone relate like do you listen to the same song for days and days and then when you found a new favorite song you just literally stop listening to that song that you’ve been obsessing over for days. Like you just stop listening instantly because suddenly it sucks and you’re wondering why u got obsessed with it in first place? Then u move on and start obsessing over new song and then cycle goes on and on What really bothers me is how I can go from obsessing over a song for weeks then just get sick of it the moment I find a new favorite like WTF. then I won’t even listen to it again for a long time WTF again. It’s like I didn’t have that phase where I slowly hate the song. I don’t get it",0 "I believe I have a method for accepting one's self as an Aspi. I didn't invent anything and it would be100% free. I would simply reapropreate an existing method for specific application to ASD. I see alot pain here and made a personal commitment to reduce suffering in the world. I am ASD 1 And believe I have discovered a way to ease some of the pain I see here everyday. This post is to gage interest in the idea. I will not be specific rite now because there would be alot of work to do in terms plotting the method for ASD. UP VOTE or COMMENT to support this idea.",3 "Most of my life I've been a sheltered kid and not really learning about anything valuable about the outside world. So when I hit the ground running as soon as I graduated highschool and was left to my own merits I had no idea what to do. Sure I had jobs during highschool and did some community service but never had to work to live. I got my first apartment because my mother wanted some space to herself for a while because we lived ina tiny apartment, but it was at the worst possible time because I was in college at the time, 3 boyfriends, 4 jobs I was fired from and 3 failed college years later I feel completely hopeless and have no idea where to go from here. My job record is eff'd up, my credit score is too, and I blame myself for all of it. I never feel like I am ""enough"" you know? Just thought I'd share my story",2 "I couldn’t make a link post, so I’m linking it in a text post because the description says ‘for discussion and links of interest’. So, [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ex4cI62TuF4) it is; English subtitles available.",3 "How can I get over a toxic friend who put his hand on me and stared me down 3 or 4 times throughout the friendship, called me stupid, an idiot, horsed around with me like some fighting game character and banged my mouse on the table so hard when we were playing pc games the batteries fell out? Plus it was it was always ME who ended up driving us around or picking him up from work and I even offered to cover some of his meals when he was unemployed. And then he decided to try to humiliate me on the last day we hung out before I quit that stressful job and moved back home. I wasn't naturally good at confrontation or standing up for myself at the time, plus he had been dating this girl who looked like an ex who broke up with me in a really shitty way over social media, so I subconsciously really valued his friendship and acceptance of me and for this reason I put up with a lot more bullshit with him than I would have otherwise. I admit I essentially spent the whole friendship hoping to feel more secure in myself and my confidence through him and then he ended up making me feel like a complete bitch for no reason towards the end. I have moved away from him since then but still my life is pretty shit right now (and honestly I feel like I'm too simple and unintelligent to improve it in any meaningful way), and my mind is COMPLETELY fixated on how this toxic friend used to treat me, I CANNOT stop thinking about how I let him walk all over me. It's been two and a half years since I moved away but it is a struggle not to go back and confront him and beat the shit out of him to restore some sense of justice and dignity. How the fuck do I get over this",3 "Me (M16) have been kicked out of my house after my mum decided that I'm too much of a bother to have living at home. She took all my cash except for around 70€ that I have currently in my wallet. My savings account with over 12k that was supposed to be for my University was also taken from me, my dad lives 2000km away and he's an asshole as well so I can't count on him. My brother lives in Florida so he can't help and I can't contact my sister. At least I know there is a homeless shelter not far from where I live...",2 "It's not worth it if in the end I'm always left w nothing..surrounded by nothing, my life's a lie and everyday is a failed attempt of trying to run away from how empty it feels to live. But I'll keep running regardless..that's the only amusement I can get out of it. No matter what I say or do nothing changes. So everything I do ultimately ends up being pretend and the moment I snap out of it I realize how pointless it was to get so invested in nothing..the constant back and forth is fucked tho...I wish the times where I can truly let go and embrace nothing could last forever. Bc that's what I am",2 "Okay, I know many of us have it. I'd like to vent about/ discuss it. I really don't know what to do about it. Living in this town, I deal with it a lot. No, I'm not gonna move...",3 "I started as a biology major, but I hated chemistry and realized how much there was. I got involved on campus and helping people really helped my depression, switched majors to psychology hoping to get a master's in social work or some form of counseling. COVID took away all of the involvement I was doing. Got laid off from the job I liked and my current one is terrible. I'm probably about even with the worst I have ever been in terms of depression. I got good grades, I was involved, I have references and experience, I'm a good employee, hard worker, a genuinely caring person. Sure I struggle with things, I'm a bit forgetful, but fuck I'm 30,000 in debt and don't see myself making more than 13 an hour unless I leave my feild, and by leave my feild I mean getting carts or putting together furniture. I'm so fucking hopeless. I don't want to be rich, I just want to make enough that I'm not worried about getting by. 40,000 a year, about 20 an hour, would make me overjoyed. That's all I ask, with a degree, good grades, and experience why can't I find that? Why would my university allow me to get a degree and lie about ""all the doors it opens up"". I'm literally not qualified for any job I could do without a degree. Fuck my life.",2 "I had a rough childhood and teenage hood, i was raised by a neglecting yet helicopter mother which also physically abused me several times, i got raped at the age of 14, i went through an abusive relationship for one year and a half when i was 16 and i never had the chance to go to a therapist because of my mother that thought ""these are consequences of me being dumb and i have no right to cry over my mistakes"". I only went a few times to a therapist when i was 11 because i started being distant to my mother and she said that the therapist will talk sense into me and turn up to be the ""perfect child"" i was before, and the therapist realised that i was depressed and i was actually missing my father (my parents got divorced when i was 4) and there was nothing particularly wrong in me or in my behaviour, but my mother didnt want to believe that I was depressed. I suffer from PTSD but i am currently recovering and have fewer and fewer panic attacks and anxiety in general. I honestly envy the life that my boyfriend had, he has a great relationship with his mother, he had a normal childhood with friends and all that stuff, he got a lot of support financially and support for his dreams which to most parents seem unrealistic and a waste of time (e sports), the only bad thing that affects him is that his father disowned him for living with his mother and for being in a relationship with me (for some reason he hates me a lot but he is good friends with my mother). All and all i really envy how great his life was and a few times i was really harsh saying that he is sorta exaggerating with his anxiety and that he has a good life and he needs to stop whining about it and start being grateful for what he has cause some of us didn't get the luxury he got. I sounded a lot like my mom when i said all of this and i feel really bad. He gets sad more often than i do and its just.. confusing to me.. Any toughts or advice? Sorry for the long paragraph i just wrote :'D",3 "So yeah like 1,5 years ago I finally understood what do I want to do with my life. I started a new master's degree with the idea to pursue a Ph.D. in the same field. Everything went very well, I had super good marks, found an advisor. Now it looks like I have almost no chance for a scholarship since I was counting on since I did not realize the importance of the undergraduate degree is in the overall scoring. And you know... I have ADHD, my marks were not awesome back then. It is very unlikely I will get a government scholarship in my country with these marks.. I need some positive stories about how things ended up going your way even though it all looked shitty.",0 "Last year I was feeling just really depressed, I saw nothing for me in the future and no point to go on. Eventually, after not going through with anything, I started to try and better myself. I ate better, started excising and even made some friends. It’s just weird now that it’s been a year and I don’t know why I still get down. Like I’m running from something pulling me back down into the pit. Some days I can run and others I fall. I know it gets better just kinda sucks that it’s hard to feel consistent good. Just wanted to write a bit, it does get better guys in one year I changed my life and you can too.",2 I sometimes get intrusive thoughts really late at night sometimes and they're really hard to deal with out of not wanting to wake anyone up but also not wanting to be alone. Does anyone else have this problem and how would you deal with it?,1 "So I was cleaning my toilet bowl with a bottle of bleach, when I put it next to my stack of hand towels on the shelf when I shouldn't have. I then looked at the towels, and they were covered in bleach stains. And now, I'm filled to the brim with anxiety, because there is *literally* no way for me to wash off those bleach stains without using dye to fill in these bleach spots. Anyone willing to help me with this? Thanks!",1 "My ADHD has been out of control lately and it’s caused me to be so lazy to the point of ridiculousness. I lost a job offer today because of it. And then after freaking out about losing the job offer, I finally did the thing I was procrastinating and it only took about 2 hours. God. Why can’t I keep up with deadlines unless there’s a fire under my ass?",0 "Hi again, all! I’ve always had nausea associated with my panic and anxiety attacks, but this past week I’ve been developing nausea and some odd lightheadedness around the same time every day. There doesn’t seem to be anything to trigger it aside from the time. Does anyone else have this random nausea? I very heavily suspect it’s due to some underlying trigger setting it off (I just moved a couple of weeks ago, and change like that is a major trigger point for me), but I can’t quite pinpoint what it is or how to deal with it. It’s really bothering me—no one likes nausea. If anyone has some advice, I’ll gladly take it!",3 "It's tough being married and also fighting depression. Every bad mood can be misconstrued to be accusatory or meaningful when it's just my uncontrollable mind-state at a point in time. If I'm silent about it then it feels to my spouse that I'm denying my reality, but if I express myself to ever be justifiably upset about something then it can be chalked up to me misinterpreting things due to my depression. And it can be so hard to tell the difference. It's so hard to keep a happy home without gaslighting, feeling gaslit, or hiding things.",2 " There’s a child. The child is sat at a table. On the table is one plate of candy, one plate of vegetables. Your job is to convince this child to eat the vegetables, not the candy. You can’t get rid of the candy. You can hide it, but the child will know it’s there and will refuse to eat the vegetables. You may only interact with the child verbally. You tell the child that they can have the candy as soon as they finish the vegetables, so they reach for a carrot and give it a nibble. …but wait a second, why should they? The candy is right there - and you can’t stop them from having it anyway. “I’ll just have ONE candy, then I’ll eat the vegetables!” … …you wave and yell, scream and shout, but the child is now completely lost in the world of chocolates and bubble gum. You’ve tried your hardest to convince the child. At a loss for ideas, you give in. Every so often, you desperately remind the child that the vegetables are still there - much healthier to eat - and they won’t eat themselves! But your words are quickly dismissed as the child is too busy enjoying the candy. Only once the child notices their growing stomachache and face covered in chocolate do they snap out of their sugar trance and hear your pleads, Perhaps considering the vegetables... Or not. “These vegetables don’t go bad before next week! I have time to enjoy some more candy.” I’ve seen people compare ADHD to having to constantly babysit a child, which kinda stuck with me and made me think of this analogy for how I feel about procrastination. Had no idea what flair to put for this lol It’s 5am and I was supposed to sleep at 1 :,)",0 "I only ever answer my phone for unfamiliar numbers when I'm job hunting and actively giving out my phone number. I hate that I'm expected to enter a conversation unprepared and unaware of who I'm about to speak with. If I am at home, not masking, I am not ready to talk. Phone calls are intrusive and annoying. I don't know who you are or whether I want to talk to you. What if you're the creepy stalker I ghosted years ago? I don't want to give you any confirmation that this is my number. Every day these random ass numbers, some local, some not, call me and never leave a message. If they just left a message, I would call them back. If you aren't even considerate enough to leave a message telling me who you are then why should I call you back? I'm afraid I'm going to miss something important, but I still can't bring myself to answer. Also, at least half of phone calls are unnecessary. Why do doctor's and dentist's office call and pester you to make an appointment? I'll make an appointment when I'm ready. Leave me alone!!!! Lately I've been making an effort to answer and almost all of them are robocalls or unnecessary phone calls.",3 "[Here's last week's Solitude Project Saturday](https://old.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/o8cglo/solitude_project_saturday_what_projects_are_you/) **So, /r/aspergers, what projects do you have on the go right now? Any ideas on the backburner for one reason or another? Any ideas just in the planning phase?** Even if you are working on them with someone else, they still apply here. If you can mention the interest that you have that relates to the project, that would be great; it may help others.",3 "I feel like a useless piece of shit, stupid idiot retard, the biggest cuntface on the planet earth, a living walking breathing joke, total trash, pitiful garbage, pile of misery, a given up lonely unlovable sad ridiculous laughable rubbish that exists for the sole reason of being an obtrusive weight on society, draining life energy from others, causing bad things only, being good for 0 things in total. please make my misery end, not just by dying, that's not enough, but by rewinding time and never bringing me into existence, erasing me from space and time, undoing the biggest mistake that is me.",2 "I’m so fucking tired. I’ve been trying so hard to move on from a particular uncomfortable thought but every once in awhile when I’ve finally calmed down I’ll suddenly feel like I’m not freaking out enough about said thought. I’m driving myself absolutely crazy right now. I really don’t know if that made sense but I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.",1 "I'm 49 and was just diagnosed this year. I've always been spacey but once I hit my 40s I noticed it getting much worse. I was afraid that I had early Alzheimer's or a brain tumor or something. I started researching various possibilities and came across ADHD. I was surprised because I thought it was just something hyperactive little boys had. Does anybody else have a similar story?",0 "I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. My high school grades are shit, I haven't had a good bit of sleep for the past 4 days, and I just feel like it's completely hopeless for me to continue trying. I've never had a formal diagnosis for depression, but i know that it's either that or something completely different. I don't want to get diagnosed because I'm scared about my parents finding out. i know they'd support me, but I'm just terrified of what would happen. This all came into my mind not too long ago. The end of November, I think. I was in a long-distance relationship with a person, and I felt like she could do a lot better than me. I told her how I felt, and that caused her to attempt suicide. I just broke. No matter what I do, I always seem to fuck it up. I've basically put my emotions behind a wall so my friends don't have to deal with it. I keep feeling like i need to bottle up my emotions and only let them out when I can't handle it anymore, or just hide them from my mind entirely. I'm an emotionless husk at this point. I put on a mask in public to make it seem like everything's fine, because nobody wants to hear about my emotions. I've tried therapy before, with no success. I've dropped out of sports to try to have some breathing room, but it's just gotten worse. I don't understand how I can dig my way out of this now. Sorry if this is just a stupid wall of indiscernible text, I really needed to speak about this because I don't want to know what it feels like if it gets worse.",2 "I miss the comfort of my bad habit. I'm fighting hard but idk how long I could do this. Im so much tempted to give into the temptation becase unlike some other addiction, I won't OD in this lol. It's relatively manageable, I just need release 😪. One cut, maybe two will do the job I guess. I wont go off the rails, I never had. I've tamed this part in me. I just need to give it the little kick that it needs and then I'm good to go.",2 "I have no idea where I'm headed to. I've never been the social kind, in fact I have only 3 friends right now that I feel like I can relate to less and less by the day. Our friendship started with the fact that all 4 of us where kinda shy and unsocial so we found comfort in being together as a group but as the years progressed and I'm now almost out of high school 2 of them have girlfriends and 1 of them is the guy that everyone wants to hang out with. At the same time I'm here, overweight, no facial hair making me look like a baby face, ugly and socially awkward. It's not that I'm bad at conversations it's just that I'm bad at starting them as I constantly fear being rejected or made fun of. It's not that I'm bad at homework either, my teachers tell me I'm really smart but I'm not willing to work and that's why I do bad. The problem is, I can't push myself to try to do anything. I can't push myself to finally hit the gym, I can't push myself to study, I can't push myself to start a conversation or make a comment in a social situation and all this leads me to a static state of not doing anything with my life. I can't build new relationships and meet new people, I can't progress my studies meaning that my grades constantly go down and I feel more helpless every day. I don't have the balls to do shit at this point and I feel like I'm wasting myself. Don't try to tell me that beauty is subjective, it isn't. Don't try to tell me to just go ahead and talk or meet new people, I can't. Don't tell me go study more, I can't. I don't know what I want to do. I don't want to waste myself. I only have one life to live. I'm lost and lagging behind everyone else my age. Even if you think I'm a lost cause please tell me as I only want to know the truth and not sparkling rainbowey lies just to make me feel better. I've always appreciated truth and I'm glad it hurts because it makes you stronger, or at least it's supposed to.",2 Is this a good thing? I had it done yesterday for the first time.,3 "So why did i cry the entire hour home? Im not sure, its been years since my wife passed away, I'm not sure i can let her go enough to give another woman a shot. I've gone on more than a dozen dates in the past few months, but never wanted to cry afterwards.",3 "At the start of the year I was really struggling with literally everything. I couldn't open any doors with my hand, wasn't able to sit in a chair where I didn't know who was in it before, like this is just some mad stuff. The pandemic didn't help either as I'm sure a lot of you guys could agree. In January I decided to seek help through meds and counselling. It was an incredibly tough time just staring at objects around the house trying to build up the courage to open the fridge, use the kettle or as simply as my leg hitting off the edge of the coffee table with spraying my body down with Dettol. With all these bouncing around my head felt like I was just going to be that person that just avoid people and any sort of touch from a person in the future. Six months later it's almost crazy to think of some of the things I avoided. I'll be honest I'm not 100% and I'm no where near where I'd like to be. But I was open a door (using my sleeve) I know not the best way but I don't have to clean my sleeve so in my head the next step is using my hand and that's looking more and more like a reality, which I would never thought of this time last year.",1 "Husbands family is in town… Long story short my (M22 ADHD, Anxiety) husbands (M22 Aspergers) family is in town (my first time meeting them) and he’s been “unintentionally” blowing me off but idk, I think maybe I’m being a dick. Alots happened today I asked my husband to chill with me for five minutes before we started the day because we’ve been going non stop the last two days and i have really bad social anxiety and i just needed five minutes with the person i love to decompress and just make sure i was okay ya know. I’ve barely had a second alone the last two days and for my neurodivergent brain, I’ve been losing it but pushing through bc i love him and his family. To my request he rushed to get downstairs “to be with his family” that wasn’t even awake for another hour and a half. I then said something about it and he still wouldn’t even come sit alone with me, outside or upstairs, just kept sitting in the living room with a family friend. And I’m not one for “you should know or you gotta read my mind” type shit. I’m very up front. It was obvious I was pissed. But he doesn’t even try to talk to me until I’m literally leaving the place they’re staying at two hours later. When I left, he told me he’d call me when they got to my hometown (an hour away). My car ran outta gas (it’s using WAY more than normal lately) that was a whole thing and then when he came took me to get gas and we rode silently the whole time, after i got gas and was back to my car, he kissed me and again said he’d call me when he got to the my town with his family so I could meet back up with them, and i was going to bring my mom because his parents wanted to meet her. I went and bought alcohol for his brother because he wanted some. Waited at my house for 2 hours me and my mom both waiting for them and I text him and he’s like “oh we’re at the museum” like it’s nothing. Like he Didnt tell me TWICE that he’d let me know. He still doesn’t apologize. I ask him did I miss something or was I supposed to text him, he’s like “it slipped my mind, sorry”. And I believe it but it’s just like, we made plans and you didn’t even think about me, your husband enough to remember I existed to invite me to the plans we made just a couple hours ago. And like if he wanted to hangout with his family alone, that’s perfectly fine, I understand 1000% and wouldn’t have cared I just wish he would have respected my and my moms time enough to at least say something. I tell him to keep me updated since he still didn’t invite us, he then calls as theyre at a restaurant about to eat and leave to let me know they’re going back to where they’re staying an HOUR AWAY and asks if I’m driving back out tonight! And In my head I’m THOROUGHLY confused. You won’t even talk to me all morning. You forget I even exist to the point where you don’t invite me or my mom out to anything you do in MY HOMETOWN where I could have shown them around, and then you want me to drive an HOUR back, in my car that is well known to screw up. What the fuck? Am I being a dick or am I rationally mad? Or should I just accept he genuinely forgot and not feel some type of way even tho things like this happen CONSTANTLY and he says “sorry baby ill work on it” and the next day the same problems. And it’s not like I’m asking him to change immediately I know it takes time, but it’s been 8 months of this almost daily “miscommunication” and all I keep hearing is “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result”",3 "Hi there, since becoming medicated I am feeling a lot more confident about making commitments and staying on track with projects. Before diagnosis, I was an obsessive paper planner user. I would like to get back into the habit again, but I wanted to design some pages that were more ADHD ""friendly"". Any suggestions on items to be added? I was planning on doing a ""week at a glance"" page as well as an entire page dedicated to tasks, appointments, etc.",0 "We're told by society you just have to ""think positively"" and just ""love yourself."" But how do you do that when your brain is literally telling you that you are the worst, all the time? How do you love yourself when you have OCD? Not looking for reassurance, but wondering what has worked for people.",1 "okay so basically i’ve been taking my medicine at 11:45 every night since my junior year in high school (i’m a freshman in college), because i had to work nights after school. now, i don’t have the habit of waking up, going to school, going to work, and coming home, i work a 9-5 at a law firm and usually get tired fairly early. it’s hard for me to not fall asleep without taking my medicine but i don’t want to deal with all the outcomes of screwing it up. i need to take it earlier so i’ll remember, so my health will improve, but i just can’t make myself change the time i take it. what could i possibly do to make it a little easier?",1 "I was doing squats. One leg hurt more. So i went back to doing squats. I focused on one leg more than the other. Then it just kept switching. ""this leg did more have to focus on the other"" ""wait now the other is uneven."" Should i stop working out and wait for the next leg day or should i keep trying to fix the imbalance?",1 Alright im just going to lay it out on the line….. i dont know what to do anymore i just wake up goto work bust my ass wishing i would get into an accident and just be done. Im a shit father and a crap husband but i cant bring myself to just finish it. I try to be there for them but its like i always have a mask on to hide whats truly going ok. I just dont know what to do anymore,2 My partner has PTSD and has been having weekly therapy for the past few months. I’m really proud of her because she REALLY struggles doing it. She gets extremely anxious before and distressed afterwards. Does anybody have any suggestions to how I can best support her through this? Or any suggestions I can pass on to her to calm herself down afterwards? I recognise that there is no easy solution to this but I want to be as informed and prepared as possible so I can support her in the best way I can.,3 i don’t do anything my depression makes it hard for me to even get up but when i am doing things i’m exhausted 24/7 no matter what. i feel like such a lazy and useless person being 17 and not being able to do anything because of my depression and anxiety,2 "Dear Reader, this question might have been asked a lot, but please bare with me. All my life I’ve been supporting my mom with her PTSD. I know all about her triggers, the best ways to calm her down, help & support her and how to really show her I understand. In the last month, I have met a person that is very dear to me.. He told me about his PTSD, but he does not like talking about what happened, which honestly - for me - is not a problem at all. Due to this friendship being fairly new and me already knowing about my moms triggers from an early age, I never really had to ask anyone about their triggers. How do I ask for them? When would be the best time? How can I make him feel like I’m not pressuring him? I only want the best for him and knowing his triggers (if he even knows them himself) would help me understand and support him more deeply. I would love to hear your advice! Have a great day.",3 "I joked last week that the hardest part of believing you have ADHD is remember to make the doctor’s appointment to confirm it. But now appointment day is here, the ball is starting to roll, and I am glad to maybe, *finally* have an explanation for why I am the way I am and to have something that will help.",0 "As the title says, I (recently turned 21) graduated from school in July 2020. Since then I only had one job at a car rental service, where they only had me for literally a week before I had to go again (""Covid reasons"") My depression and (social) anxiety makes me question abt myself about almost everything I want to do or have plans for. I can't lie, I'm a spoiled kid and my family is pretty wealthy, so that's the only reason I can afford my life right now. I'm basically living off from the heritage my grandpa left me (which is a huge amount, and it's only cause was to fund university and all that life-stuff) I hate the imagination having to work with other people, I usually never fit in and am the socially awkward guy who barely speaks and always does smth wrong. Whenever I apply for a job I'm first extremely excited about it, but when it comes to them reaching out and asking for a job interview I get sick to my stomach and usually never answer back again. And the thing is I really do want to work, earn work experience and my own money until I find my career path, but I get so much anxiety abt turning my life to the better, it's weird. My depression makes me sit at home most of the time, watching stupid TV-shows and question my existence. I have no passion abt whatsoever. And deep down I hate me for who I am. Tomorrow I have a job interview at McDonalds, luckily it's ""just"" a position for a delivery-driver. So hopefully not much contact with co-workers etc... But I'm already extremely scared abt tomorrow. As I said, I can't stand any change in my life and it makes me hella anxious... Is there anyone who can relate or have advice on how to deal with this? I'd really appreciate it",2 "I feel like I'm questioning myself and whether I'm doing the right thing. I feel like an imposter by trying to seek an ADHD diagnosis. I graduated University last year mid pandemic (Fashion design and the second uni I went to). University was the most awful thing for me and a huge factor in worsening my already untreated mental health/illness. I never knew anything about ADHD until earlier this year when I suffered (and still kind of suffering) more than 6 months of a physical/mental/emotional burn out after I hit rick bottom with severe mental health and had to finally get support and became obsessed with research about ADHD/ADD/Autism (I have a tendency to become obsessed in finding out information about something I currently am interested in or want answers for). It wasn't till after university when I ended up having no deadlines, no external stressors, no training group (have been a runner for 14 years), no interest in doing anything (because of chronic untreated depression), no competition (sport competitions and in terms of university as I have always thrived off wanting to be the best) and a pandemic that slowed the world down that I realised that I can't actually motivate myself without this need to try and excel at something and having a rigid overwhelming and unhealthy routine. I'm currency undiagnosed for everything and mental health was a taboo subject in my family so I never had any support or understanding and was actively punished for showing signs of poor mental health at a young age. I was suicidal by 15, OCD started by the ages of around 11/12. I have about 8 out of the 9 symptoms of 'Quiet' BPD which I know can be co-morbid with ADHD, especially if left untreated. I get overwhelmed easily and suffer with episodes or pure uncontrollable emotion and really suffer with regulating my emotions. Growing up I was always the child that cried at EVERYTHING. My mum refused to let me take medication at 15 for depression so I have never taken any. I'm hyper emotional and I have no friends and I've never been really liked by everyone even though my only goal in any kind of relationship is to be as nice as I can to people. I've always been bullied and always felt like I don't fit in. I also suffer with bad insomnia. I suffer with migraines with an aura. I am a creative and want to create but no matter how much I want to or how many ideas I come up with, my brain can't make my body do it. I have bad cystic acne which I think is down to a hormonal imbalance. My mum was a sever alcoholic my whole life and there is potential that she smoked and drank while pregnant (but I can't prove it) which I know increases the chance of a baby developing things like ADHD/Autism. I have always been very similar to my dad who does display typical male signs of ADHD. My sister also suffers badly with her mental health and thinks she also potentially could have BPD. My dad and my grandad are people who cannot stop. They have to always be doing something. I've taken after them and I've run myself into the ground and now at the age of 25 after the pandemic forced me to stop and slow dow, I can't get going again. I filled out the Psychiatry UK forms for ADHD a week ago but my appointment for my first assessment is November next year. I'm also on a waiting list for a psychologist for ADHD and BPD diagnosis but I haven't heard back. I could literally write pages of things I now realise could potentially be ADHD related and give specific examples for everything but it feels so wrong to think I could have it because no one in my family is diagnosed with anything. I got through university. I've always been someone who is always doing something 24/7 and I've always been able to force myself to do anything no matter the sacrifice. But after uni and after the pandemic and after moving out of the family home I've no idea what I'm doing and I can't tell why I have no ability to do absolutely anything anymore other than worsen my phone addiction everyday. I finally have a councillor who is wonderful and is helping me work though childhood neglect and trauma but none of my potential ADHD symptoms have subsided. I don't know if I'm just being lazy or still suffering from burn out or if theres actually something wrong stopping me from doing anything. It seems like now I don't have any distractions (training, education, family issues, chronic stress) that I can't pretend my way through life anymore. I've gone from one end of the spectrum (non stop life/overworking) to the other end (non stop nothingness). I've noticed more and more things that I do could be potential stimming also. I almost feel like I'm trying to make connections that aren't actually there despite always feeling like depression isn't the route cause of my issues. I've bought about 20 books that seem really interesting and helpful in bettering mental health issues but I haven't read a book since I was about 9/10 (even for school or uni) because I just can't concentrate or get the words to stick in my head so I feel like I can't even help myself that way despite really really wanting to read. I feel like a major imposter and I am worried that by the time my ADHD assessment comes up next year that I'll no longer be suffering with the symptoms I am now and it'll be too late because I would have already have fixed everything myself. I want to do so much with my life and have had such high goals and I'm getting more snd more down that I feel like I'll never achieve anything I want. I honestly think I have potential to do well but for the first time in my life I just can't force it anymore. I don't know how to keep myself going for another year with no support and not fall behind even more. My social anxiety is through the roof and I have no friends. I can't even lighten my mood with music I enjoy because I always want to listen to the same song over and over till I hate it which isn't fun. I want to be able to just do things. But if I am able to do things in the future (such as tidy up, read, cook) then surely it wasn't ADHD all along? Everything I've spoken about above is more of the mental health related symptoms rather than the everyday struggle symptoms such as distractibility/ itchy clothes labels/ procrastination/ 'can't get off my phone to do anything even though all I can't think about is doing chores' kind of symptoms but I get those too. Did anyone else feel like an imposter before any kind of diagnosis? I am very lost so if theres any word of encouragement from anyone I'd love to hear it. I'm really sorry for the long and messy post but thank you for reading if you have ❤️",0 "Long story short I've served as a firefighter for 11 years, 6 on this department. I got offered a position on another department (call->part time/career) and was cornered by my Chiefs and LT about it. They forced me to choose either their department or the new one. So I chose the new one and was going to remain on this one til the end of the year to continue helping out. Chief blocked contact with me, as did my LT and others who I have trusted with my life the last few years. I'm not suicidal but lately I've really been thinking if it'll make it easier..because I am really hurt by this and honestly I don't know how much longer I can hold onto the remaining strand of stability I have mentally. I know I won't do it..I couldn't do that to my fiance or family. Just when will the tables turn in my favor? Damned if I do damned if i don't. Thanks for reading.",2 "Ok so I don’t like noise all the time it is overwhelming and most of us are like this. But I do like to watch ASRM YouTube videos. Do any of you like doing that too? If you don’t know what ASRM means here is the link to look at https://www.adnews.com.au/opinion/how-influencers-and-now-brands-are-embracing-the-viral-asmr-trend",3 "I saw someone else's post about money. But overall do you feel like you have ""bad"" decision making or have people said that to you? Sometimes I just want to be free and indulge in whatever I'm into in the moment. Which usually turns into obsession and then I'm on to the next thing. I think I collect hobbies that interest me but I never feel like I belong in one place. Ok to be fair. I have switched religions a few times lol . I joined a MLM for like 2 months then realized I'm not even that social. Like I'm a loner lol then gets bored then I branch out and do crazy stuff as I'm told. I am a contractor so I have always lived in a different state every year it seems like. Idk I feel like something is wrong . Or maybe I should just accept the fact that I will just never stay in place until I do my niche. Sorry for the long post found out that my therapist can't see me anymore. Because I live in another state now. And they are like do you want a new one...of course not",3 "I don't know why, but since last year my whole mindset about errors completely changed. For example if I'm building a model kit and accidentally leave a scratch on it from a knife, if that error is not fixable no matter how unnoticeable it is I just would not be able to get over it. Everytime from that point on if I see that model instead of feeling proud I'd just feel dreaded knowing about that error and it deters me from continuing to work on it. This thing doesn't just apply to things I do. Another example is if I'm playing a third person game and the main character has choppy walking animation and a few frames are cut and it's not 100% smooth, I stop playing the game because everytime I notice it it becomes impossible to not notice and it gets to the point it's unbearable, slowly this perfectionist side of me is beginning to affect everything I do, from when I'm studying to when I'm relaxing. What do I do?",1 " I hope you read this cause i'm desperate for help; I think i have ocd , in fact the things that have happened me in life have convinced me that i have ; also am suffering from a severe kind of perfectionism that am sure of . long story short , my current situation is about the drug i have used recently ( finastride ) to treat my probable hair loss and then after 4 full months of using it daily and noticing some good changes in my hair line i suddenly felt this huge libido loss and erectile dysfunction . My problem started from here that i started to search everywhere to find answers and after lots and lots of internet browsing i came across (pfs ). its a short word for post finastride syndrome that means some people are out there and have used finastride and their lives never came back to normal due to their libido loss , ed and etc. I got frightened like hell ; in fact i read all about pfs and its effects and in fact saw hundreds and hundreds of people ae suffering from this ( they have a website too : propeciahelp.com) So after reading about these people and their stories i convinced myself that i must have pfs ! how short the probability was i convinced myself that i'm suffering from this syndrome and need to find a treatment for it . Right now it has been three whole months that i have dropped the finastride but none of my symptomes came back to normal ; i think i have develepoed some kind of a permanent loss of libido and ed . The thing is , it is probable though for this to be true , so why all of these people are suffering from my symptoms and say they will never came back to normal? Right now I have reached a place that i may kill myself due to these side effects and in the other hand i can't help but thinking and thinking . I really want to come back to normal life :( thank you so much for reading my post and i'll appreciate if you could help me here.",1 "I was doing so good. Even dealing with my family today, I had very little depression. Then, my partner said something that triggered me and now it feels hard to breathe. Not like, medical emergency, but like it’s a noticeable effort to breathe. Like I just keep sighing. Is that weird? I feel like it’s weird.",2 I'm just a dead empty shell. Life fucking sucks. Depression takes it all from me. I was playing a game earlier with a girl who joined and she and I were talking. She was being far too funny and I just couldn't keep up because I'm so boring so she left. Story of my life tbh. I just can't express myself or be sharp or smooth because I'm so dead inside. Really wish I wasn't born,2 "Ive been in 2 severe car accidents in the span of 8 months. I am so tired of being in a car when someone else drives and being completelty tense, over analyzing other cars. i cant breathe when someone else is driving. its been so exausting. i dont want to have panic attacks every time i am not driving. ive tried breathing exercises, everything. and the thing is the drivers are never driving bad, they are very safe but i cant help but to pick out tiny things that are wrong",3 "It has been shown that malfunction in areas of the brain responsible for consciousness results in less problems in daily life compared to malfunction in areas responsible for emotions. This shows that emotions can be very effective in directing behavior, and that developing emotional skills is useful for getting what you need. The biological basis for emotions has developed before humans developed complex language and large societies, and evolution hasn't been able to keep up. This is also the cause for many problems related to feelings. For instance, there is a signal for an increased risk of losing the trust and respect of your tribe. It's called shame. When this ""shame module"" of the brain developed, it was essential for survival, since being abandoned by your people could have made you very likely to die soon. A strong feeling of shame can actually feel like your life is at risk, even though in today's society shame isn't usually connected to actual physical danger. ​ Emotions are reactions to thing happening now, and they are mostly based on your past experiences. The fact that they are based on past experiences is both good and bad. The bad thing is that some events can distort the emotional system in a way that makes it less efficient in fulfilling your needs. For example, a traumatic experience may make you disproportionately afraid of something that is not likely to happen. The good thing is that if you understand how the system works, you can make a conscious effort to modify and calibrate it. You can create experiences that help the emotional system give you accurate results. Your conscious self doesn't have access to the processing and decision making ""behind the scenes"", but instead you get signals. You don't receive the reasoning, but only the conclusions. These conclusions are emotions. The function of emotions is to improve your chances of fulfilling your needs. Emotions are guesses, opinions on what you should do right now. Different emotions are like different people that all have differing opinions, and each emotion has a different way of expressing those opinions. For example, emotions can cause bodily sensations, imaginary visions or internal monologue, and often they are combinations of these different modes of expression. Sometimes the way an emotion shows itself is logically connected to its message, sometimes it isn't. For example, when you hit your toe, you feel bad and that bad feeling is obviously associated with the area on your body that just took damage. It's easy to understand that the feeling of pain here is intended to direct you away from damaging your toes. On the contrary, emotions like stress can cause pain in the stomach, which isn't logical. ​ At first it may seem that there aren't that many emotions, but once you start to consciously look for them, you start to realize that they are everywhere. Some possible examples (your ""emotional language"" may differ from these) are: Everyone in the bus seems grumpy = you are grumpy A person looks overwhelmingly beautiful = you feel strong affection Your torso feels hollow = anxiety Internal monologue reasoning for why you should quit something = hopelessness Sweating for apparently no reason = fear A stream of pictures of hamburgers floating in your mind = hunger Everyone in the bus isn't grumpy, that person might not be objectively as beautiful as you see them, your torso isn't hollow in the way you feel it is, you shouldn't quit that thing, and there are no hamburgers floating around. So these are all distortions in how we experience reality, and in the case of sweating, even distortions in how our body reacts! In other words: Often emotions are found in places where what we experience doesn't make logical sense. If you're not aware of the emotion distorting your reality, you might think that the distorted reality is objectively true. If you don't observe your own grumpiness in the bus, you might become convinced that everyone in the bus is in fact grumpy, even though you know that it would be highly unlikely. If you don't realize how your emotions affect how you experience things, you think that something you imagined is true and not imagined. This distorts your reality and makes it harder to interact with it and make sense of it. If you are able to compare how things are to how they actually are, you can see the distortion itself, and that distortion is the signal of the emotion. It's not the message, but the signal. Trying to explain how you get from the signal to the message is very hard, and likely subjective. I will say that it's less about rationalizing and more about conscious observation without conclusions. Rational thinking does play a part in this, but it's important to accept that you often will not understand why you feel a certain way. Even in those circumstances you should observe and make a mental note of what happened. With time, you start to notice connections between things. ​ For me, what I've said this far has been the point from which to start learning the language of emotions, and the process from that on is a long and a mysterious adventure that never ends. When you start understanding the language, it can be scary and overwhelming at first. You might think for a while that being open to your emotions will always be that intense, but it's just the floodgates opening and it will normalize once the biggest suppressed emotions have been observed Sometimes you need courage to progress, but most of the time progress happens near the edge of what's comfortable and not beyond it. Remember that the existence of an emotion is always true, but it's message might not be true. Don't judge or dismiss anyone's emotions, but instead accept the emotions as they are and analyze the reasoning that follows the emotions. The point is not to change the emotions, but to change what you do with them. Don't let other people dismiss your emotions. Remember that whatever anyone thinks, your emotions exist, and you didn't make the choice to experience them. ​ If you want to talk about an emotion, but you don't know what the emotion is, you can describe the bodily sensation associated with it, or you can explain your thoughts in a way that asserts that you understand them to be distorted by a feeling instead of them being true: ""I don't know if this is true, but some part of me makes me think that…"". This is made even more approachable if you talk about feelings and the thoughts associated with them like they are people that say things. So instead of saying ""I have to quit"", you can say ""A part of me says that I have to quit"" or ""my despair says I have to quit"". When you say something like this, the other person quite often starts helping you to figure it out. Similarly to observing emotions without conclusions, expressing them without expectations of what it will lead to is way more efficient than one might expect. It's a scary process, a series of leaps of faith, and you might not have reason to know that it works. But if you want to learn the language of the emotions, you have to surrender the outcome. There will also be times where expressing emotions leads to bad experiences. As long as you can overcome those experiences, they do help you to recognize which people and situations are good for expressing emotions. You will at times be disappointed with the reaction you get from expressing yourself. Disappointment follows expectations. Expressing emotion with the expectation of a specific reaction is usually not good. If you find yourself desiring a specific reaction, then voice that desire instead of trying to fish for the reaction. ​ Efficient use of emotions is 1. Noticing that an emotion is present 2. Understanding that you are not the emotion, but instead the emotion is just a part of you 3. Choosing to listen to and accept your feelings 4. Identifying and naming your emotions 5. Finding out which things are associated with the emotion 6. Skillfully expressing emotions to yourself and others 7. After observing and possibly expressing the emotion, letting it go ​ I want to write much more on this subject, but I have limited time and this is a long post already. I don't have time to put things in better order or edit, even though I'd like to. I choose to give this to you and see how you react, and possibly some day I'll expand on some stuff if I feel like it. I don't know why I have a desire to do this, but it feels good.",3 I take 30mg Prozac and it helps me pretty well with my ocd. Is that normal? Some people say you have to be on 40-60 mg to help with ocd but the 30mg is working well for me. Does it really depend on the person?,1 "i remember when i was obsessed with having the perfect singing voice. I spent two solid days on youtube and the web , watching and reading articles about music. The interesting part of it was after i was done with a video or i am half way through it i would find another one but i could never recall what i just finished watching or reading. I was just passing through loads of information and ultimately learning nothing. I can laugh about it now.",0 "Title pretty much says it all. I’m a dude. If I’m broke and start acting like a pussy, I’m useless in this world. I’m sort of kind of okay with that in a sense, cause like who the fuck cares really. There’s a time and place to go be a loser and play cod all day, but, I’m just kind of fucking scared that I’ll always be a loser. Idk. Fuck it. Are you really a loser if you don’t feel like one?",2 "In the last week I've seen people straight up touch dog shit or stuff that has touched dog shit directly and not wash their hands and then adjust their masks or touch their clothing, etc., multiple times. Then I recently out of ire read a study that like half of people don't even wash their hands after taking a shit. I'm not asking people to wash a thing that may have touched a thing that may have touched a thing that may have touched shit...I'm saying don't put your fucking hand in shit and then touch your face or other stuff. I'm not sure why this is so fucking difficult to grasp. I don't fucking care what some therapist thinks. People are fucking disgusting and reckless. They're hopeless. I'm not going to change my hand-washing and disinfecting behavior, cause I'm fucking right. Of course I go more extreme than is scientifically necessary, but no one is going to convince me that being overly risk-averse is worse than having absolutely no fucking capacity for risk assessment like the average dipshit out there. Anxiety is easier to deal with than getting fucked up. I'm tired of getting shit for this. And then people will give you shit for trivial things like being a little smelly, or being messy...but truthfully *they* are the ones that are fucked up. *They* are the ones getting sick and then turning around going ""man this sucks!"" or ""how did this happen, I did everything right!"" (sorry, but obviously you didn't, asshole). I'm not the idiot smearing shit or hazmats or whatever the fuck everywhere. I'm not gonna pretend to be a fucking dumbass because what I do isn't socially acceptable. The social acceptability rules are all fucking ass-backwards. People who have access to information and still needlessly get infections get what they fucking deserve for being stupid. Doing stupid and careless shit may be ""normal,"" but it's still fucking stupid and careless, and it's worse and more costly to be that way than ""abnormal."" I'm getting a remote job and holing up inside for another year and I'll wait for the rest of these dipshits to fuck themselves over.",1 "So, I was diagnosed at 28 with ADHD-combined type along with double depression/anxiety. I had been previously diagnosed with c-ptsd from a counselor. My IQ test is high average, but I have a very high verbal comprehension index (91st percentile). So I just am good at making connections and I remember a lot of stuff I read. My working memory and processing speed is low—obviously because of the ADHD. My visual spatial index was average. But I think I just get really anxious that I’m going too slow when answering the questions. Or I’m just overwhelmed by all the visual stuff to sort through. I don’t know. I’ve always had sensitivities to sound. I have certain triggers that would get worse when I am overwhelmed. I’m pretty sure I have sensory registration issues if not sensory hypersensitivity. Mostly lights, sounds, smells, touch, some movements (falling and spinning). I seek proprioception and vestibular type stuff. Love deep pressure and water. Wrapped in soft blankets. Actually soft stuff in general I like. I also like crunchy food, chewing on my cheeks and picking at my head. Auditory seeker as well with music (good noise) and I love to talk. I feel depressed if I don’t talk enough. But since starting adhd meds, things have really changed. A lot of these things I’ve since gotten used to. Except the sensory stuff. It’s gotten worse. Almost like it’s more noticeable. I thought it was just my anxiety increasing but it’s just my body anxiety. Not actual anxiety. I feel less anxious. Less depressed. I feel really good mentally. Ah, basically I feel more like me. Like something that caged me in let go with adhd meds, but what is there isn’t why I was expecting. Stuff I couldn’t process before about why I did stuff is easier now. Because my thinking has slowed down. It’s easier to make sense of my thoughts, so I talk more (not as much as without meds) but when I do talk it makes more sense. I can focus on my thoughts, so I make way more efficient connections. But what I’m noticing is just how different I am from other people. Without the emotional baggage and overthinking weighing me down I see things for what they are. And I’m way less likely to care about how I’m acting. I’m in school and wow, never knew how overstimulating that place was and we have to work in a group. Instant anxiety: where do I sit, who do I work with, how do I ask, what do I say. Just a calculated list of things I need to do in the situation. But, I’m better at talking now since meds. And while I’ve always felt like this inside, prior to meds, my anxiety would turn to silliness, being impulsive. Well anyways, now I just seem weird to others I think. I guess I don’t know. I have no clue how I’m being perceived. But it’s not the same as everyone else. They are on some other wavelength I feel like. But I feel like I’m the only intelligent person. And it’s not even complicated stuff. The assignment was to take an education standard and apply it to a children’s book. The standard was about how the author uses illustrations to add meaning to the text. And the standard and book were chosen to be together by our teacher. The book has various illustrations about how the child uses her voice. The whole point of the book was advocating for herself by getting people to say her name correctly. The illustrations, clearly showed that her voice was a plume of colors , and at different points in the book the lack of the plume was symbolizing her lack of voice. I very clearly said that the illustrations were symbolizing her voice. And when it wasn’t there, it was symbolizing her lack of a voice. Not only did it relate to the text, it related to the bigger purpose of the text. I’m thinking, BOOM mic drop, right? Well…no. I guess not. People in the group just glossed over my idea “hmm that doesn’t seem right”. And I know I said it clearly and concisely. Said something about the character smiling in the picture when sharing in the group. And the teacher asks us “what about the pictures” so I say what I wanted to say and yeah, it’s right. That was the point. I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me. And it’s not even complicated. Like, I feel like I’m the only sane person. But before I felt like I was the dumbest person in the room because my thoughts were so scattered. Little did I know that people would still not get me when I was medicated…maybe even more so. I’m glad I’m not as depressed or anxious but damn does it suck to be misunderstood. Can anyone relate to this? Does this seem in line with adhd/Aspergers? TLDR: I was diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood, have sensory issues. But since meds, feel a lot more intelligent and less like people understand me or the way I think. Feeling less able or willing to relate to others who aren’t like me. Does this sound like ADHD/Aspergers?",3 "Everyday I go to pick up my friend and bring her to school. Today I arrived 15 minutes early and she isn’t even close to ready. I’m always at least a few minutes early but this is a new extreme. It’s not just hanging out with her either, I’m always super early to my classes or just about anything. It stems from fear of that stereotype of always being late so I over compensate but I can’t ever get a good read on how long it takes me to get there. Any advice for this?",0 "There's no bright future There's nothing worth doing There's no point getting out of your bed There's no point living I miss the times when I didn't have to deal with this. If I got a chance to undo the thousands of mistakes, I've made in my life I would rather than feel I've nothing but a cancer my whole life.",2 "My mom died, the shop I was working at has shut down due to covid reasons, I’m getting out of an unhealthy relationship and I’m moving cities and HOLY SHIT it feels like my entire life has just fucking crumbled. With all that said I also genuinely feel like I have so much going for me and so much to be thankful for and so many blessings. New adventures, a new city, a new career and even a date lined up. I do love myself and I do know that I’m so capable in this world, this weight is just so heavy right now. This chapter is so hard and I feel ungrateful because of this heavy pit in my soul even tho I have so much to be thankful for. I just want to teleport into next year, I want my mom back, I want any kind of stability and I have to be the one to create it which isn’t a problem but fuck dude it’s so hard to do whenever I feel like I’m carrying a 1000 pounds worth of pain.",2 "So I suffer from his voice in my head and I’m wondering what you do to make it go away, it’s constantly in my head and he just tells me over and over that he wants to r//pe me. What can I do?",3 Feeling down at the moment and could use someone to talk with.,2 These hours are super rough for me when nobody's online... I just want someone anybody to keep me busy and on my toes bc im bored... :/,2 " I know some people on this sub hate their autism and see it as a disability, we've existed since the dawn of humanity so the fact that there is still autistic people around must meaning that we must exist for a reason probably because of something we provide, some of the greatest figures in history are theorized to be autistic. All I want people to know is you are here for a reason do your best to break the shackles neurotypical society has put on us give them the finger and say I'll prove you wrong, the fact is we all have the ability to succeed when given the right accommodations, we just need to keep fighting for our turn on the fight for equality we have been making great progress towards neurodiversity, love yourselves we aren't broken or disabled we are just a variance on the human neurotype/genome.",3 I feel like I need someone to talk to but don't know what to do I feel like nobody understands me,2 "This past semester I started drinking at college because that’s “the norm”. For a while things were fine. However, with my OCD I really need to remember everything I do and drinking obviously does the opposite of that. So now I’m worried about every single thing I can’t remember over the past semester during times I was drinking. Basically what my head has done is convince me that during those times I did bad stuff. And then I look for any bit of evidence I can find to believe it (even if it doesn’t make sense). I believe it’s called false memory OCD. I literally can’t tell what’s freaking real and what’s not real anymore. It is crippling me and everyday I wake up feeling like an awful person. I live in a hell loop. I’ve quit drinking because it was destroying me. Can anyone speak to this and let me know if they’ve experienced something similar?",1 "Sorry if this is incoherent. I need some advice for things you have done to overcome this paradox. I can’t wrap my head around it. The effort I put into self improvement feels astronomical. It’s a constant strain, my knuckles are always white trying to do what I’m supposed to do. I have a lot of trauma, as do most people. I’m coping with CPTSD and my ADHD as best as I can. Everything I do is shrouded in many other layers of internal work. Combat the intrusive thoughts. Force myself to be productive through the dreadful executive dysfunction. Understanding that my first few thoughts are not accurate or valid and trying to work through that to get to the right thought or action. The list goes on, I know you understand. From the outside, though, it looks like I don’t care. It looks like I’m all talk, and frankly a liar. Because who wants to hear somebody constantly say they’re trying? Doing their best? Without ever seeing results? Sure, to me, I can see the progress. I’m extremely proud of myself. But on the outside that small, incremental progress is not really noticeable. I’m still an emotional mess. I’m still terrible clumsy and forgetful and messy and inconsiderate. I don’t mean to be… I just am always somewhere else in my mind, trying to figure something else out, forgetting to pay attention. The internal processes take up so much brain power that I forget how to be a person. My question is this: I’m clearly doing something wrong with the intense strain and little results of my efforts. I need to sort out some kind of different method. I need to figure out how to be productive, keep my emotions and intrusive thoughts under control, have real results for my effort. I need to be better and do better and if I am straining myself this much for nothing I’m clearly doing something wrong. Do you have any advice? And yes I am medicated.",0 """Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door."" ""This country's greatness and true genius lies in it's diversity."" -james Comey. I don't know about anyone else.. but I fervently believe in these sentiments.. we are the future of this blossoming country. And If high functioning autistic people direct us on that course.. why not?",3 "I know not everyone needs to hear this, but I just need to get something off my chest: I've seen some posts and some comments here and there that just blow my mind of how highly people seem to think of Neurotypicals. Even if it's out of jealousy or rage, it sounds like a lot of us believe the grass is greener on the other side. Now, I do have aspergers, and no, I wouldn't say I'm all that close to neurotypical, but I'm friends with many and I have been able to blend in well due to my upbringing. Trust me when I say this...**NTs have problems too**. Do we have them worse? In some cases, sure. But they have insecurities, they have anxiety, they have issues fitting in, and they're not always confident. They have a litany of issues, just like we sometimes do. I think a lot of what we do is we tend to compare our life's outtakes to other people's highlight reels, as social media makes it easy to do, but that is not a healthy way to perceive yourself or your life. That in and of itself is also an issue NTs have. Now, I'm not saying this to invalidate your struggles, your struggles are still VERY real. And like I said, in a lot of cases, we may have it worse. All I'm saying is that just because you experience something horribly negative, it doesn't mean that something is exclusive to you or someone who is neurodivergent. Sometimes problems are just problems. I guess in the end, what I'm trying to above all else is that everyone's problems are valid.",3 "I’m a stay at home mom of one. I love my daughter with every piece of my heart but I am so damn tired. I do it all alone and I have no sense of identity anymore. I wake up on autopilot. I live for her and everyone else. I want to just run away. If I had someone who I knew could watch and take care of her, I probably would. Not in a “I don’t want to be a mom anymore” kind of way, but just getting away for a couple days so I can rest and breathe. I’m not asking for a lot and I’m so tired of being alone. I don’t want to be here. I want away from this for a while but I can’t get away from it. It’s draining everything I have left in me. I feel like the stress of it all is literally killing me. I’m losing my mind and my body feels horrible. I’m just so tired and I just want a break.",2 "Has anyone managed to get approved for DSP for having ADHD alone? I do have other things going on but from what I know you can only use 1 condition on the application. If so, how did you go about it? Please no judgment, I’ve tried and tried and tried to study, find work, etc. i just lost my entry level job and I’m at my wits end. I can’t afford to make ends meet of Jobseeker but I also can’t see myself ever succeeding in a career. I’ve failed to complete 6 different courses that I’ve tried to do to make myself employable. I really have tried but I’m almost 25 and just don’t know what to do anymore.",0 "Inspired by [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/qq66n9/why_is_not_speeding_so_difficult/) but it was locked so I couldn't comment there. A few years ago I spent a couple of months driving cars around for an auction company so I got to drive all manner of interesting cars, from the Toyota Aygo to top spec Mercs & Jaguars. Of all of these, the one that struck me most was the Aygo which really surprised me by having not only cruise control, but an option to set a *maximum* speed and then drive normally. Whenever you try to go over the set speed, it's like your engine just doesn't have the gumph to manage it. Easy way to avoid going faster than you mean to, and you no longer have to take your eyes off the road to check the speedometer. (Do remember to change the set speed when you go from one speed limit to another, though :-P) One of the things on my very long list of projects I'm going to get around to doing any day now honest is to rig up a speed limiter for my van :-P Another thing to try, which may be available to you even if you don't have cruise control / speed limiter is to be obsessive about saving fuel. If your car has a fuel consumption display, learn to drive in ways that give good fuel consumption - not least avoiding going too fast :-P I basically never go faster than 60 on motorways because my van is a brick and has to push a bajillion tonnes of air out of the way, so I probably save myself a tenner a week by doing that :-D As a side benefit, fuel conscious driving and *safe* driving both benefit from many of the same good habits. Not only keeping your speed conservative, but particularly looking / planning ahead. The further ahead you're planning, the more you can avoid having to speed up & slow down unnecessarily - I often overtake people at junctions by simply timing my arrival for a gap in traffic and not having to stop, while BMW* drivers are accelerating hard toward a red light and slamming on their brakes. At the same time, the further ahead you're planning, the better placed you are to plan not to drive into the path of that other vehicle driven by an inattentive wally in a BMW* :-D \* Other wallymobiles are also available.",0 "I have been really mentally suffering with symptoms of anxiety, depression, DDD, etc and am currently in therapy, but I feel as if it is time to begin medication. I haven't consistently improved in these areas and it's beginning to get worse, actually. I had some hangups on starting medication because of worries such as how they'll make me feel, how long I have to take them, do they make you feel worse at first, and just generally how they make you feel while your on them. I am aware a psychiatrist and my therapist can best answer these for me, but I am curious to hear others stories with antidepressants, etc.",2 "I am not officially diagnosed, but I always seem to fall into a deep depression during the colder parts of the years and just generally a wreck, and honestly believe I have seasonal depression. I can already feel it coming, I am losing motivation, suicidal thoughts are coming back, as well as thoughts of death and self-harm. I am losing hope for my future and my appetite is changing. I only come here to know that I'm not alone.. :/",2 "It's become something of an impulse for me. I could be doing anything or thinking about anything (although it usually happens during invasive thoughts). Then I just mutter to myself ""I fucking hate you"" or ""I hate being alive"" or ""I want to die"". I have to watch myself when I'm in public or around others (which isn't a lot) just so I don't say it then and have people ask questions.",2 "I'm in my thirties and just recently got diagnosed with ocd. I guess I should have known I had it but I always just thought my behavior was something to be ashamed about and mostly kept my compulsions a secret. One of the most self destructive and possibly dangerous is picking. Zits, hairs, scabs, moles all of it. I will pick it until it bleeds. Then be completely convinced it's not done, or gone. I have one that I'm completely ashamed of. It's on a place that can't be seen but I've picked it so many days in a row that I can see fat. It's super deep and I don't know why I do it. I can't stop. Then comes the panic that it might get infected and I would have to show a dr. Or that my wife will see it. I hate being defeated by my own brain.",1 "Hello everyone, I would like to seek advice on the following symptoms I have had and whether they are normal or pathological (OCD or other mental health condition). I have been having sleeping problems for quite a few months now and have difficulty concentrating a lot of the time. The reason why I can’t sleep is because of my brain refusing to stop running and thinking. A few examples of late: I was kindly given flu medication by one of my friends when I was exhibiting flu symptoms. While I took the medication almost immediately, I started thinking whether he had given me some form of narcotic. Although I experienced no symptoms relating to drug abuse, I had to desperately check the label on the pill sachet and research it multiple times on the internet to make sure it was said flu medication. Subsequently, I had to drink many cups of water for ‘dilution’. And I had to think about the issue day and night for a few days. All this while knowing that it was highly unlikely that this was true and being aware that this was not exactly rational. I was asked questions by a ‘friendly’ taxi driver including questions about my username that I provided on a ride hailing app and my occupation. I started to be suspicious and ruminate whether he was trying to collect information about me. Such thoughts went on for quite a while, even though I was cognizant that it might be another delusion of mine. I had to research the taxi driver’s name in order to feel less anxious. I now have to check work documents multiple times (10 or more times an hour) to make sure they are correct, even though I am sure of its contents in order to feel better. I am sure that my computer is infected by a possibly undetectable virus. I run virus scans multiple times an hour and doubt every file I download. No auditory/ visual hallucinations. I am aware that some of my thoughts are irrational but have some semblance of possibility though. I am a male on my late teens, if that helps. Are these symptoms common to OCD sufferers and does this warrant any medical attention?",1 " Hey! I am in the process of being diagnosed with ADHD. Before that, I was diagnosed with BPD among other things even though I did not feel like I meet the criteria. But I would keep believing I had a super deep trauma since I was told that the most important symptom of BPD is a feeling of emptiness. Since I started reading about ADHD I had an emphipany whether I have personality disorders or not, I feel like I feel empty since I barely do anything. My days are empty I do not gain new skills, there is not much going on I basically struggle to focus all day. It is not a feeling of emptiness. My life is fucking empty. Empty of tons of stuff I could do when I stare at the siling. I feel less empty when I manage to actually focus on something.",0 "I have an opportunity to work remotely for another country ( I'm in the US, jobs in UK) I have never worked a night shift, but I am definitely a night owl and my brain doesn't seem to kick in until later in the day. At this point, I have trained my brain to fit the 9a to 5p schedule, it'll definitely be difficult at first, but I'd love to hear about your experiences. Also, I am on vyvanse. My biggest concern is the med schedule. Thanks for reading!",0 "My sister got me a clock of my sports team, but it isn’t sports season in my country, the sport is AFL. (Aussie) She was telling me how I will love it so much and even didn’t tell me what it was untill she made a surprise. I pretended to like it. I genuinely hoped it would be a photography camera, she did pay around 200$. She is very emotionally manipulative and expects as big as a present in return but I haven’t even thought of what to get her. I’m just shocked my present sucks",3 "So my mom was a raging alcoholic. She was abusive most of the time but moreso when drunk hence the reason I dont trust inebriated people, the smell of hard liquor on someone's breath causes flashbacks. I dont usually drink and have never been drunk. Here is where the problem is, my husband likes alcohol a lot, moreso than I think is healthy but I understand my past clouds my judgement. We were in marriage counseling a little while ago and got this asshole of a therapist that told my husband he can do anything he wants because of the fact that yes in the literal sense because he has free will he could. So now when I speak up about how alcohol makes me uncomfortable, this time regarding a beer festival, its pretty much ""sucks to be you, Im going to do it anyway"". Ive come a long way regarding trust in myself and other people, to where I realize I control substances not the other way around, which has allowed me to try new treatments like Ketamine and Marijuana, can keep alcohol in the house including hard liquor and I can be around tipsy/drunk people but my trust does not extend as far as a whole festival of drunk people and going to a festival where the whole point is to drink. I dont feel its respecting my boundaries and it might sound crazy but each time he reminds me he can do whatever he wants it breaks down trust. I just dont know what to do and I feel conflicted :(. He says Im too controlling but I feel that what he deems controlling is really just somewhat normal boundaries for a person that went through what I went through. Thanks guys",3 "I'm not doing okay, and don't know where else to go",2 "Hello everyone. I have been having a bad year. My partner broke up with my 3 months ago & my housing for school caught on fire (unrelated) a week after. I have noticed myself with a lot of anxiety. It could be from the trauma of the break up and the fire that I feel differently and not like myself but I was wondering if the medication, from anyones experience, helps with reducing anxiety? I am seeking out therapy as much as I have access too. I feel like I also became more socially anxious when I’ve been usually more extroverted. I haven’t taken medication since 6ish years and I’ve been more or less well off of it. If medication isn’t what y’all use, what else do you do that works to reduce anxiety or being socially anxious, or even in attention and “ADHD Paralysis” among other adhd symptoms? I feel stuck and don’t have much opportunity to ask others :(",0 "I (24M) stayed at home about 2 years of my life, because my OCD was mixed with panic attacks and depression, with that most of my friends just stop calling me out to hang out, because the knew I would say no. But with proper medication and treatment I got better to the point of wanting to go out with them again. Not to mention COVID that made me stay at home for another year (I’m Brazilian and I just got vaccinated last week). So now every time I open insta I find out my group of friends are doing something but I think they are afraid I might still be with a lot of compulsive thoughts (I don’t know how to explain my OCD in English sry)",1 "**I feel like my thoughts, whether I'm talking or thinking, just fly by and I immediately just end up somewhere completely different to where I started.** I've been googling like crazy, and I can't find anything about *any* kinds of thought patterns for people with ADHD or otherwise to compare it against. This extremely relatable [graphic](https://imgur.com/gallery/ZkPcBTs) someone with ADHD made and posted on imgur is basically how I feel like my thoughts move. my e.g. My roommate was singing the “sorry I don't treat you like a goddess” Tiktok song, and “IT'S MESSED UP THAT KIDS WHO WERE 10 WHEN PUBERTY 2 DROPPED SOLD MITSKI TICKETS OUT AND NOW I CANT FIND ANY"" immediately left my mouth. (it's kind of hard for me to to explain because its not exactly A->.B->C-> in my head but) My thought process was: “sorry I don't treat you like a goddess” tiktok song-> songs sung by marceline on adventure time-> marceline sang francis forever-> mitski blew up -> my friend asked if i wanted to see mitski with them-> (complete replay of our text conversation) -> remember it was sold out-> I didn't get tickets to the concert-> i'm old-> funny tweet I made about it -> words exited mouth within 1 second, absolutely zero filter This one is pretty tame, but it's the most recent one I actually reflected on. Maybe it's not the ADHD? In my head it makes sense everyone thinks like this (I'm second guessing myself as I'm about to post lol). But whenever I'm talking to someone, I have the urge to go back to (poorly and convolutedly) explain how I got to my point so I can prove what I'm saying makes sense, and it's a real convo killer. **Is this generally similar to a lot of neurotypical people or is it an ADHD moment?** **Regardless, I would be super super interested if anyone can explain 'how' they think!!!** (also first time posting here, is there a more appropriate flair for this kind of post?)",0 "Just wanted to say from a place in the world with no services, and universities with no accommodations; and there's no hope.",3 "Just feels sooo off, retyping this over and over again. I am doing everything I can for me and someone's future. But nobody gets it, Not one bit. That it just makes me look like a douche. I do not know how to explain this nor put this into words and I hope this is the right place I can just rant my head off. Shit just gets down and down and down no ups in life that is supposed to motivate people? I don't get it. Every turn I take in my life leads to another hurdle that's fcking hard to solve. But then, if I do end up bothering to solve that again, AND WHEN I am above to finish cracking that shit. Another hurdle pops up. And in between all this I am taking down stuff from my life for someone. Yet nothing is just ""understood"". How long will I fcking last. Now, it's gone beyond. A small sad news could get me imagining myself dead in many scenarios. I just want to disappear and be done with. But then people come with excuses saying i need to care about their feelings etc. Then what about mine ? Tf?",2 "Hello, my first time posting on this subreddit! I am wondering how you all work through breakups? **Background Story:** Mid-May I started going on dates with a girl I met on Tinder. Things went really well, we started ""officially"" dating in July, and then two weeks later, pretty much out of nowehere after a date, she broke up with me. I was of course devastated and really had trouble mentally and physically the week of that break up. I had trouble eating and I really couldn't get out of my head. **Now:** Well, almost two months later, I am a definitely better, but it still feels like it haunts me. I've gone through breakups before, but for some reason this one is different. I think because it was so sudden, and there was no conversation/argument leading up to it, it has me questioning EVERYTHING. ""Where did I go wrong?"" ""Should I have said this instead of that?"" ""Did she not like it when I did this"" etc. Hardest part has been going no contact. I can't stop checking her social media. The biggest compulsion is reaching out to her (which I have not done since the breakup). Just seeing if you all have any advice on your relationship between breakups and OCD? I know everybody has ""similar"" experiences with post-breakup behavior, but I really feel as though my OCD has intesified some of the behaviors/thought-patterns.",1 "Hi, I was recently ""diagnosed"" as an adult(25) and have been on meds for a few months now. Initially, I really enjoyed having the diagnosis because I found a lot of information and it made SO MUCH MORE SENSE with past actions and whatnot. But my psych is...only okay? I sorta just...told her I thought I had it and she was like sure okay, and we talked about a few meds(trying concerta now after Adderall made my brain feel like it was screaming constantly). And my therapist is great with the anxiety and depression and childhood trauma, but definitely doesn't understand a lot of aspects of the ADHD, like the executive dysfunction part of it. I also read about how hard it is for some people to get a diagnosis, and so that just makes it feel less true for me somehow? I know it doesn't make sense, but my diagnosis was handed to me so it must not be as ""real"" as it is for people who have to ""work"" for it. Again, I know that sounds silly, but it's how my brain thinks about it sometimes. Thanks for reading my ramble, have a good day friends!",0 "I’m a high school junior (diagnosed with ASD when I was 3) hoping to go into math research because math has been my hyperfixation since elementary school. I read [this blog](https://mitadmissions.org/blogs/entry/mask-on-mask-off/) and I want to email her, half because MIT is my dream school and half because my parents aren’t sure that I can handle a school that intense. Is that rude? She doesn’t ever explicitly say that she has asperger’s, but I have this feeling that she‘s like me.",3 So far I've been listening and nodding to her built up stress rants from OCD (not in a toxic way! just sometimes she has very bad slumps). But now I'm just wondering if there is a way for me to be more involved in her overcoming? Would it help or make it worse if I got more involved? Or at least what's the best way to passively support her..? What do you suggest I do? Thank you!,1 "Is there such thing as late age of onset, atypical symptomatology, or subthreshold symptomatology when it comes to ASD? Usually ASD are detected in early childhood, but can you develop traits of ASD late in life when social rules gets complicated? For example, you have ASD, but it is so mild you don’t show symptoms of ASD until you turn 25 years old when social rules gets too complicated for you. You might not show symptoms of ASD until your late 30s and be diagnosed at the age of 50 when you have mental health crisis from trying to follow social rules.",3 "I recently started delaying taking my dose until the late morning. Doing this lets me enjoy a morning cup if coffee, and when that starts wearing off, I take the Concerta, and the delayed start makes that last longer. Well, today I had an ""Oh crap!"" moment, when I saw it was past noon and I hadn't taken it yet. I immediately went and took the dose, and as soon as it was down I remembered, oh yeah, I took it two hours ago. Anyone else do this? Should I try to do some big project, or just chill and ride it out? The 54 mg dose was already pretty hefty for me, and I'm already getting jittery...",0 "i’m 17f currently and i was groomed and sexually exploited many times and as a kid i was exposed to sexual content early. i used to have fears as a child of being taken advantage of too. i am diagnosed with ocd and also go to therapy for trauma anyways i feel guilt because while i was struggling with pocd i started feeling like i was being an apologist for p*dos, even though i dislike offenders and hate the thought of being a pedo and also dislike predatory behavior, i feel bad for the ones who are moral and control their actions because it must suck to actually have attractions to kids but the fact they don’t want to hurt anyone is the right thing to do . i also feel guilty because although im 17, i turn 18 in a few months and i said that since i’m almost 18 if someone flirts with me it doesn’t make them a pedo although if it’s someone really old i think it’s... creepy as fuck. i got hit on in public in a really creepy way so that’s why this discussion came up. the weird thing is that if it happened to another person i’d feel bad for them and be concerned for them but with myself i guess i make exceptions. nsfw i’m worried also because i have hyper sexuality and also intrusive sexual thoughts and in the past i read fanfiction (the really weird stuff didn’t even arouse me, i just read them bc morbid curiosity) and i feel guilty. i remember i reported CSEM on twitter that i accidentally found though bc it disgusted me and i felt bad for those kids",1 " I am a female in my 30s. I have questioned whether or not I am autistic for several years for a number of reasons, but I am not officially diagnosed. I do get meltdowns though. I have gone long spans of time in my adult life without them, but the risk is always there when certain factors are present. My main triggers for meltdowns are not being able to find something, having too much info or stimuli coming at me at once, sudden changes to routine or procedures, and not being to communicate or express myself. Each time those things happen, I don’t have a meltdown. I am prone to them when I am overworked, physically hot, have been making too many decisions, have too many changes going on at once, and so forth. I have a really difficult job in the medical field, and I also have supervisory responsibilities. All day, I make a multitude of clinical and administrative decisions, have multiple people talking to me and needing things all at once, deal with unpredictable and unsafe behaviors, doing the jobs of 2 people, all in a loud and bright environment. I am incredibly “high functioning” at work and perform my job incredibly well. I know I am masking to a great extent, maybe all day long. I’ve been in this work for 12 years and I go through this every 1-3 years. The meltdowns have been increasing in the past couple months, where I scream, cry, wail, pace, throw things, break things. I used to hit myself during them, but I haven’t in a year, so that’s progress. I have also gotten good with holding them off until I am by myself (that may not be a good thing but saves me a lot of shame.) I am generally able to bounce back quickly after a meltdown, like the meltdown hit a reset button. I had a particularly bad meltdown on Friday morning which resulted in my smashing my phone repeatedly. I had to immediately do damage control and problem solving afterward because I had to go to work. I was highly “functional” all day at work, then came home and have been pretty much unable to do most things this weekend and had a few smaller meltdowns. I had to take today off from work because I was so drained and because I couldn’t trust myself to not have a meltdown. I’m not sure what my actual question is. I guess I’m wondering others get more meltdowns after having just one or if you do bounce back. And if you do get clusters of meltdowns, how do you recover so it doesn’t keep happening? (Especially if you have to maintain a base level of functioning because you can’t take extended time off of work immediately.)",3 "Hey all, I’ve seen so many posts today about the fireworks. I really feel for you all that are struggling. I just want you to know that it can get better. I thoroughly enjoyed watching the fireworks with my family tonight. I was not bothered by the loud noise. They were pretty. It was such a beautiful evening. Honestly it was a really good day. In the past I’ve been scared by the suddenness and the bangs. I used to be jumpy. But it didn’t bother me today. Instead I loved them. I also had a trauma anniversary recently. And I didn’t even notice it was ~that day~ until the day was halfway over! I didn’t anticipate it in fear, or expect to die. I was preoccupied with other things going on in my life. It was just a normal day. I just want to let you know that things can get better <3",3 "Hei there you strong, beautiful souls! I hope you're all fine :) and have a good day ^^ Uhm - I don't know if I should put a trigger warning? For those reading ro know; i ask questions about ptsd and what it's like for those, with ptsd. You're doing great and you are loved <3 I am here to ask some questions because I thought about writing a Character in my Story with ptsd and i want to picture it realisticly.. and I, myself, don't have ptsd, so i figured i ask to portray my character realisticly and I hope, to not offend anyone with my, maybe, stupid questions! (Btw I googled it multiple times but the things that come up are not helpful at all because they're mostly just doctors description of ptsd and not real World peoples view on it) So in the following my questions; What kind of event (trauma) can cause ptsd? Does it start immediately after the event? Is there medication that helps? What are those ""ptsd dreams""(?) Like? (Read about it, kinda like having flashbacks in some way?) If you have those dreams, do they occur very often? Just every once in a while or maybe every night? Do they get less, after the incident may date back some time? Do you have some symptoms that are common? Like shivers and stuff? What does that feel like? Any advice to portray ptsd realistically? Like i want to in my Story? Regards and in hope for an answer (thanks in advance! You Rock this!) ~ rae",3 "I realized this after remembering my old OCDs which I can think of normally now, took a month for my brain to drop the anxiety after I wasn't getting into the compulsions but It's clear now that it was the mental disorder in effect. The only thing that ever works is waiting it out, getting into the thoughts just opens doors for more or makes the current ones worse. Let the thoughts know their place, move on with your day.",1 Sooo my university is sending out things to do in case of flash flooding and I’m kinda freaking out. We live 2 1/2 hours away from the nearest ocean and yet there’s still flash flooding warnings and I’m so scared something is gonna happen to me or my school or my cats or my family and I just worry too much basically. But I just really don’t want to die in a flash flood and I have a massive fear of hurricane and stormy weather. I’m having a panic attack. I have in person classes tomorrow and I don’t want to get stuck there for a few days without knowing what’s happened to my home and my family. Am I overreacting? Should I tell all my professors I can’t come to class in person tomorrow? Like I just don’t know what to do. I had traumatic experiences with extreme weather so I don’t know if it’s just that I’m overreacting because of that or if it’s a valid concern.,3 "I've always had feelings of hopelessness since I was 10. I've been bullied quite a bit. My dad committed suicide when I was 5 and that was my first first solid memory. After he died, I started my isolating. I have been like this for so long that I have been getting delusional, people say I am weird and a few say I am crazy. I'm the quiet guy at work, but thanks to past trauma I'm afraid to talk at all. I might have a porn addiction, but I can avoid it for a bit. I have one friend who will choose me over anyone else, but I feel like she just feels bad for me. I'm in Navy so I'm in one of the most toxic places (thank God I'm on shore duty), worst than high school. Right now, I'm just getting headaches from thinking about me and my flaws and how I should just end it.",2 "My entire life I’ve never felt a sense of “happiness”. Only temporary joy that I somehow manipulated myself into feeling wether that be by drugs, women, or any other eventually harmful thing. I’ve always had that existential crisis type feeling since I can remember and ever day it gets worse and worse. I found heroin about 6 years ago and I’ve been in and out of rehab for the last couple years. I’ve tried therapist, rehabs, location change, blah blah and no matter what I just feel dead inside. Any advice or questions or whatever i would really appreciate.",2 I cant do anything i just cost myself another job by staying home crying instead of going in. im 26 live at home all my friends have moved on with thier lives and im just stuck alone waiting to die nothing feels worth the effort anymore it feels like i have to choose beteween keeping this shit cycle going and just live hating life or just end it theres nothing i want to do anymore i feel like shit all the time why keep trying when i get nothing from it,2 "I've been dating a woman who has been diagnosed with adhd a month ago. It's been pretty good so far been fun and sometimes challenging. I'm guessing for her side in terms of what things would annoy me. She mentioned back in May that I might be on the spectrum and be high functioning. She loves going out, enjoys technology, sense she's always on the move. Likes getting things done ASAP and gets frustrated by how long it takes for me to make decisions or solve problems. What's anyone experience dating someone with adhd?",3 "it’s driving me insane, my friends can’t describe it and it does nothing for me at all so can someone help me out with what it feels like to actually be affected by caffeine, I’m so curious to find out how it feels, kinda sucks seem as i make coffees as part of my job and i’ll never truely know how good coffee can be. any help or opinions are appreciated :)",0 I feel confused 24/7 idk what to do im getting closer and closer to the end it feels like but im so far away. I had a dream and it felt like i was about to touch freedom like less then an inch away then right before i touches it i was in a dark empty room then I couldn’t see it anymore I remember waking up and just crying,2 " I have had severely devastatingly intense stress consistently for the past four years. I'm 30 years old and although the environment that has created all that stress if over with, the damage was already done... My memory is very poor, focus and energy is sapped. I'm afraid my brain is like permanently damaged, and don't want to have worse memory loss, alzheimers or dementia. I want my brain to be sharp as I get older. What are some natural supplements, or herbs, etc that you recommend? i don't care how expensive, risky, or strong it is. I'll take anything.",3 "Many people advise breaking large tasks into smaller pieces so you can increase your focus and manage the project better. My challenge is the opposite. It is difficult for me to focus and maintain mental energy when an assignment has many pieces. For example, when I have to write an essay with 1 lengthy outline, I can keep working on it for hours. However, when I have to write one essay with four small subtopics, it takes as long as four essays! When I have one photo that needs 20 edits, it's easier for me to keep working continuously than when I have 20 photos that each one needs only one edit. I feel that the energy I need to concentrate and finish a task is enough for only one, no matter how long it takes! I wonder if the other people with ADHD have the same issue? And if so, how do you manage it?",0 "This is difficult to articulate so please be patient. Part of my trauma is from being sexually abused. I meet someone i chould make myself vulnerable to and see myself getting intimate with but he broke my heart in a very cruel manner. I met someone the other day, he lives down the hall from me. He invited me over, fed me, we watched a movie. He put his hand under my shirt and rubbed my back. He was a gentleman about it, didn't mess with my bra or anything. And i let it happen. I don't recall the last time I've had human contact. A couple months ago maybe? And i was so touch starved i told him not to stop when he backed off. But i don't know if I'm ready to be vulnerable again, if I'm ready to be intimate in any manner. He seems like a nice guy, very respectful and giving. But my head is so muddled i don't know if I'm ready to even try going anywhere. I'm still at the point where it feels like people being nice to me is a trap, but I'm so freaking lonely.",3 ">Nick told Digital Spy: ""Tony is suffering and he starts seeing a therapist. Edward, his dad, tells him that he doesn't need to see the therapist and he should 'man up'. In this day, with mental health, that's very bad advice. > >""Tony is listening to his dad because Edward is an MD, so he's going along with him. But when he gets himself into therapy, that's when the PTSD starts coming. > >""The therapist is telling Tony: 'You want to be listening to me and getting your feelings out.' All the while, Edward, his old man, is telling him to stop crying and 'man up' and it's not the way forward."" https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/10711368/hollyoaks-tony-panic-attacks-ptsd-kidnap-cheating-death-nick-pickard/",3 nothing to say except from the fact i been so damn empty all the time. i literally feel like a glass with nothing in side. an empty barrel and i thought by now i’d be used to it. but i’m not. still.,2 "obligatory on mobile so sorry if formatting is weird. last month i suffered a pretty bad mental breakdown which honestly came as a shock bc i was doing so good. i was taking my meds when i was supposed to, i was on top of my school work, and i was doing great with my job. i’m not sure if i just got overwhelmed with full time classes and working a lot of hours and on top of that my boyfriend leaving for deployment and him being gone for awhile but, i think everything just came crashing down and i cracked. i stopped going to work, school, and isolated myself from everyone. i hadn’t gone to therapy for a few weeks so i decided to start going weekly again but not much is getting any better. i barely go to one class but have pretty much ignored my other ones and i haven’t gone back to work, i just can’t seem to do anything that makes me feel “happy”. i have major depressive disorder so my therapist confirmed that i was going through a moderate to severe depressive episode which is what i already figured anyway. i have things planned that will hopefully prevent or at least delay another episode like this in the future but even that isn’t taking any weight off my shoulders. i don’t have many friends that live near me so i don’t have that distraction, and i don’t even leave my room unless i’m going to my one class or if i absolutely need to go to the store. this episode has lowkey started to affect my physical health as now my sleep schedule is completely messed up and i find myself not even sleeping till the following night and my joints are sore from not leaving my bed on most days. winter has already begun where i live so even just sitting outside or going for a walk is completely out of the question. i’m just not sure what to do anymore, how do i get out of this or at least start to get out of this? i’ve had depressive episodes before but they were always very mild, i feel so lost and disappointed in myself.",2 "i realize that most of us with OCD have multiple obsessions, but of your biggest, most pressing obsession, how long have you had it for?",1 "So basically the title. I need to learn for college or otherwise my chances for passing my finals are lower and I don't have that much time left. But I just can't do it. I can't make my brain think even one complex thought or try to learn something new, I just can't. And it's not like I work nonstop, I take breaks 2 times a week, but today I should study. But even with my meds, I can't. I've been taking strattera since a couple of months but it doesn't look like the meds do anything. It feels just as impossible as before. I learned in therapy that I shouldn't beat myself up over not beibg able to learn/etc., but it's really hard not to. I'm trying my best. So should I let it be for today? Doesn't really feel like a choice. I want to do whats healthy for me but on the other side I don't want to give up. What do I do?",0 "I'm trying to figure out whether this is an aspie thing or just a lack of assertiveness thing (¿por que no las dos?) I'm (30F) in a bit of a crisis at the moment with my studies (mature-aged student here). Basically my university should have been supporting me with something but I've completely slipped through the cracks and only now after 2 months have I realised and it's thrown me into a massive depression/despair/wanting to drop out. I feel like this has happened to me so many times in the past - I was bullied by a supervisor at work years ago, and it wasn't until I made an offhanded (non-)joke about feeling suicidal to a coworker that they reported it to management and I realised that the way I was being treated was not OK. I mean I always know when I'm not being treated well because it feels unfair and unpleasant - but either I don't feel like I deserve to speak up, or don't know how to speak up earlier to prevent situations from escalating, or I don't stop to consider the overall picture - the fact that I definitely wouldn't put up with anyone else being treated the way I am. Anyone else struggle with this kind of thing? I'm just so easily taken advantage of.",3 "So stuff like plane flights, hotels, and even coffee. I’m aware you can rack up points and occasionally get discounts or even free service if you make an account and join their membership or whatever. I always tend to skip over them as the aspect of having to make yet another online account dreads me, but I can’t help but wonder if I’m just being the sucker here in time. FYI, I don’t travel much, maybe once or twice a year, but for things like coffee I get them often. Would this be an executive function issue? Does anyone else seem to be troubled by voluntarily skipping out potential benefits that may only take a few minutes to do?",0 For whatever reason my mind decided to associate a horrid image i saw online many months ago with any act of sex whatsoever. How do I get rid of this association? Its driving me crazy!,1 "I have pretty whacky ADHD (I’m an absolute mess- disorganized, scatterbrained, forgetful etc), but I’m entering pre-med soon (eek)… I also have hefty sensory issues, which are also concerning… any of you guys have any tips or suggestions for things that could help my aspie ass? Like essentials, general advice, apps, gadgets, etc. Thank you 🙏",3 "Whenever im close to someone I feel the drive to attack them; regardless of if its a family member or a stranger in the street. I have many obsessions like the need to touch things, do things symmetrically, turn switches on and off, etc; so I just assume this is another obsession, but what if im just always angry? Or what if some times it's an obsession and others it's anger? I think I will never be able to tell the difference.",1 "When you vent to your ""friends"" but they think you want attention, but in reality you are just secretly asking for help. Shit is frustrating, and they ask why we don't seek help. From there perspective they think that we crave attention. This shit is hard, I have no one to talk to. Parents are old school and think depression is not real. Being here is honestly difficult and my only solace is this subreddit. I don't know if anyone is in the same boat as me.",2 "Like the title says, I (19M) was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 6 and I'm just now taking it seriously. First ever post on reddit so I apologize in advance for any formatting errors and general messiness. I was a very classic ADHD case: a loud, disruptive, hyperactive, impulsive boy with a low frustration tolerance and inability to pay attention. My parents put me through many different therapies and medications before finally agreeing to put me on stimulants. They helped... I think... but I was still a sad, lonely, and angry child. When I entered high school, my parents took me off stimulants and I didn't argue because I didn't even notice an effect. I spent 5 years off stimulants and I seemingly did well, earning mostly A's and making a few friends. But on the inside I was deeply suffering. During my first year of high school I was suicidal and absolutely despised consciousness. I spent most of my time in my room on screens and had little to no life besides school. Life gradually got better (through therapy and natural development) and I'm now at a stable point in my life. Here's the problem tho I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS MENTALLY ILL Even with my diagnosis my parents never told that I had ADHD or expressed how difficult life can be with it. My dad even has ADHD but he didn't warn me! I struggled for so long. I internalized all my ADHD symptoms, disguised as what I thought were personal short-comings. I was literally suicidal and extremely depressed but I normalized it because I though everyone felt this way!! I knew I was ""off"" but I didn't really understand why. I learned what depression was back in 2018 and since I had most of the symptoms, I just assumed I was depressed. Even with my self-diagnosis of depression, I knew that there was something else wrong with me. Even though I knew I had ADHD (saw this written on my chart went I went to my doctor for a check-up), I didn't think of it as an important or significantly life-altering disorder. But it is. It abso-f\*cking-lutely is. About 3 months ago after trying antidepressants (which had little effect), I decided to see my old psychiatrist and get back on adderall. And OMG what a difference!!! I was happier, more energetic, more hopeful, less depressed, and I actually had *desire* to do things! \~*happy dance\~* The change wasn't life-changing, but I feel like I understand myself a lot more now and I'm beginning to differentiate my ADHD symptoms with personal shortcomings. I realize now that my habits of interrupting people, lack of motivation, difficulty in eating attention when others are talking, fidgeting, losing everything, chronic tardiness, hyper focusing etc. are all caused by ADHD and *aren't* personal shortcomings. Side note: I feel like I'm still downplaying my ADHD tho. I haven't seen another person on this sub that has actually gotten **more** energy from stimulants. Also, I still fidget and I haven't gotten any increased executive functioning, I just feel much better. These symptoms seem more similar to someone who doesn't have ADHD. Does anyone else experience this? Do I even still have ADHD? Anyway, I'd like to thank all the amazing ADHD-ers out there on this sub! The reason I reached out to my psychiatrist was partially because I very specifically related to many of the stories and symptoms shared here. Seeing how others were struggling helped me realize how much I was struggling too. I'm very glad this resource exists :) Thanks for listening and I hope you all have a wonderful day! (or night) TL;DR - basically the title. Never downplay a diagnosis and seek help if you need it!",0 Currently sitting at a table with people I've known for a long time and they're talking and being friends. I feel lonely and secluded because I don't have friends like that. Let alone any. I've tried to make so many friends and talk to people but I have no one....,2 "So when my stepmom read out symptoms the other day after explaining to her that I feel ""detached"" and ""dissociated,"" I kept nodding along like ""yes.... yes.... YES.... EXACTLY"" It was Depersonalization/Derealization. Depersonalization is like not feeling like you are a part of your own body (looking at your hands and thinking ""those aren't mine"", hearing your voice as you speak and thinking ""that's not mine"", seeing yourself in the mirror and thinking ""is that really me?"") Derealization is when you feel detached from the world around you. Things feel *too* real or almost like you're walking through a dream. Things can be fuzzy, or too clear. Time can go too fast or too slow. (For me, things get really shiny, noises blend together, and depression tries to set in) These can both be symptoms of other things (medications, mental health conditions, etc), or a disorder in of its own. I feel these both, not necessarily at the same time, but basically daily. I think it's both anxiety/depression related and medication related. It's there with or without the meds, but its also more consistent with meds. It's hard to explain. I can function better under the sheet of my half-reality with medication. Sometimes it's just a vague feeling I can snap out of by working on something. Other times I can't snap out. My voice isn't mine, my body isn't mine, this life isn't mine. I feel like I'm not in a reality and not in my body, like I could slip away at any moment. And I desperately want to. At least then maybe I'd start to feel like ME again. I don't know what me feels like any more. I've abused alcohol (3 weeks sober now thanks to my parents), ignored my health, hit myself, cut myself, journaled, exercised, gamed, done schoolwork, ignored schoolwork, cleaned house and let it get bad. I've been a horrible fish mom and friend all because I have an aching desire to just stop existing. I could just eat a bottle of benadryl, drink half a bottle of my favorite know creek, run a bath and just let myself fall asleep under the water. People wouldn't find me for at least a couple hours, and by then it would be too late. Everyone has someone. It would be so much easier to deal with if I could just.... feel like me again. Cause at this point I'm just keeping a lump of meat, fluid, and bone alive for a handful of people who would move on if I disappeared. I wish I had never been born. And dying is the only thing that sounds genuinely good right now.",2 "My attention span has been extremely bad as of late. I’m very easily distracted. I’ll be in the middle of doing dishes, then stop to do the laundry, and forget detergent. I go to look for detergent that I bought then I’m distracted that my groceries weren’t put away. It’s getting so bad these past few weeks. Even at work when I’m usually able to focus and multitask, I find myself misplacing things and being forgetful. I need advice on how to finish tasks to completion. What helps you the most?",0 "I was diagnosed as autistic when I was 8. I always gathered I was somewhat odd, my behaviours weren't the same as others. I always struggled to hold down friendships, my interests were somewhat left field, I was incredibly shy so I would struggle to speak up, I'd be overly emotional. As I moved into my teenage years, my thought patterns became more and more negative. I never found out if anxiety and/or depression setting in was the cause of it. When I was 20 I took cognitive behavioural therapy believing the main issue was social anxiety, which admittedly was true but it didn't seem to get to the root of the problem. When I was 21 I got to a point where I was no longer painfully embarrassed about being autistic. I slowly began embedding it into conversations with classmates at the time. There wasn't any negative response but I wasn't getting the emotional support I was after for ages. I had friends but I would be lucky to see them once every few years and we'd text intermittently. I never seemed to make genuinely good friends at school or college. There was a point at college when I genuinely had no one to talk to. It was only last year (after I'd turned 22) that the tide began to turn. I began my first proper job working within a studio for a television programme. I quickly realised that this is the perfect environment for me - the people working on the management team were aware of my autism but made sure I was treated the same as everyone else. Everyone I worked with was nice, but more than just nice. They'd constantly ask if I'm okay and they seemed to take a genuine interest in me. I was able to open up to them without feeling uncomfortable. This took a lot to process but had a lasting positive impact in that I believe I have friends now, even if I don't get to see them very often (such is TV life). Why do I believe I have PTSD? Despite all the positives that came from this experience, my weaknesses were brought to the forefront. I believed I was out of my depth, any time I got something wrong I'd give myself a really hard time. Even now I get flashbacks to the times I made a silly mistake or said something silly. I get constant flashbacks to times at school when I would be bullied particularly badly. My parents gave me a load of grief a few years ago because I was studying and not working. I was studying 3 days a week but mentally I wasn't ready to work and they just couldn't process that. I've had moments where they've been very unfair and I've become incredibly irrationally angry, and let out a scream or thrown something. One instance I began taking paracetamol tablets, such is how angry I was. It didn't have any impact on me, which is either a blessing or a curse. On the way home from college (2 years ago), one of my classmates threw a sharp object at me which led to my lip bleeding quite badly. Some of them gave me tissues but most of them walked by as though nothing had happened. I was left with some trust issues and a lack of willingness to interact with others. I foolishly gave a stranger a lift to a friend's a few months ago on the way home from work. He had told me he just came out of prison. That did make me more vigilant though. Is this something worth taking up with a professional? I know Reddit cannot diagnose me but interested to see what people reckon either way. Especially as I'm not going to have immediate access to a professional right now.",3 "Hi everyone! I am a researcher in the School of Psychology, University College Dublin, Ireland, working in a team that are recruiting participants to hear their lived experiences of changes in their psychiatric diagnosis. **Have you engaged with mental health services?** **Have you ever had a psychiatric diagnosis removed, replaced, or supplemented with a different diagnosis?** **Consider participating in our research project!** We are a team of researchers from University College Dublin conducting a project called Lived Experience of Diagnostic Shifts in Adult Mental Health. This study has received ethical approval from the UCD Research Ethics Committee. For people experiencing mental health difficulties, it is fairly common that their diagnosis will change over the course of their engagement with mental health services. Diagnoses can be changed for many different reasons. Despite the frequency with which this happens, no research has explored how people experience these ‘diagnostic shifts’. Our study aims to identify how diagnostic shifts affect people’s lives and any challenges they may present. We want to use this information to improve support to mental health service-users during this time of transition. For our study, we would like to interview people who have experienced a diagnostic shift. We would like people to tell us, in their own words, how they understood the reasons for the change in their diagnosis, and any positive or negative implications it had for their lives. Interviews will take place over videochat software (eg. Zoom) and all participation will be completely confidential. By contributing to this study, you will help improve our understanding of people’s experience of diagnostic shifts and raise awareness of the challenges diagnostic changes can present. We hope to use the research to improve clinical communication of diagnostic changes and make it easier for people to adjust to these changes. If you are aged over 18 and have previously experienced a change in their psychiatric diagnosis (i.e. had a diagnosis removed, replaced, or supplemented with a different diagnosis), we would like to invite you to take part in this study. To find out more about participating in the study, please email the researcher, Dr Cliodhna O’Connor at the details below. She will explain the study to you and answer any questions you might have. Contact Details: Dr Cliodhna O’Connor, Assistant Professor in the School of Psychology Email: [cliodhna.oconnor1@ucd.ie](mailto:cliodhna.oconnor1@ucd.ie) Website: [https://classificationlab.ucd.ie/?page\_id=18](https://classificationlab.ucd.ie/?page_id=18) If you have any questions, I recommend getting in touch with us directly via email, rather than post comments with any personal information. Thank you very much and stay safe!",1 "I know EMDR is not necessarily proven to be wildly successful with CPTSD but just wondering if anyone else has had success with it as a medium? So far I have not had much progress..maybe it's my constant resistance that is hard to break down, but just feel super stuck and not sure this is the way. Thinking of going to a therapeutic massage place next. I dunno. Wish something worked. Thanks for reading.",3 "I am not sure about anyone else but travel can be overwhelming for me with all the loud noise and my brain trying to figure everything out ,to see if it a threat . I found out that audible books help me (other things such as music might help, if you hate listening to books.) I found two books that have helped me develop , the first one was ‘the ethical slut by janet Hardy, Dossie Easton.’ Now I am not telling you to be in an open relationship but this booked helped me open up and actually started going to proper therapy which I encourage everyone to do . The second book that I recommended if you are triggered by the usage of drugs is “Idiot by Laura Clery” even though it her story about her struggles there is a positive message . Some of what she did helped me as well . I now draw a heart on my self in bad days. Please remember everyone’s journey is different and we’re going to try our best every day. If you have any books that helped you I’d love to know what they are so I can try them 😊",3 "Specially the youth , something that i notice lately some of my classmates and friends and people that I meet are having OCD , they won't actually say what type of OCD they have....But they talk or point about it isn't that related to our lifestyle ? surfing the internet, playing videos games , watching porn everyday ? unfortunately some of the people that I know who have OCD are very addicted to gaming and pornography , correct me if i'm wrong",1 " Pretty much what it says. This guy and I have a thing going and are wanting to pursue a relationship, but he seems self conscious of possibly unintentionally being a jerk due to his Asperger’s. I know communication and directness would be helpful but I was wondering if maybe there was something else I should know or do.",3 "I'm about a year on prozac right now, and last year I went through my first round of CBT. It has helped quite a bit, and I am now able to really live life happily. I'm going through group CBT in a couple of days. I can't help but wonder how much better i really can get. Does anyone have experience of going through CBT when you have somewhat recovered/are in remission?",1 "TW: ED and memories Just have seen some pics of myself from waaay back and damn was that a bad idea. (Cause I gained weight, was starving myself back then, wanted to show myself that that wasn't healthy) yay. Had panic attacs all through the week cause I'm going to school again for the graduation I've never had. So many triggers. I will make it, I know it. But a week of bad memories really tears you down. On the good side, I never feel how I felt back then. Memories hurt but at least I'm not in these situations anymore. It just hurts that most of my memories are sad/I couldn't be a child/I can never have a happy childhood. Sorry, I needed to vent. I hate that the healthiest way to cope with my memories would be to forget them.",3 "Does anyone find it difficult to work in customer service, and why? I am just asking, because I find it extremly difficult. I am told that I come across rude, but I am not meaning to. I have to say things in a ceratin way, but stumble, or can never remember the order. When customers are rude, I am supposed to be OK with it, and whilst I am usually patient, some of them I just want to tell to 'fuck off!'. I am not a very smiley person, and people complain about that, but it is very hard to change your face. I am not good at small talk, and I have no idea what to say. I never know what to do, unless I am told, so I just end up standing there. I am atrocious at the tills. I get really bad brain fog, when I am on tills, and I end up making a lot of unintentional mistakes. I become really clumsy, and get mixed up. I press the wrong buttons, and I say the wrong thing. I am always five minutes late. I end up getting really bad feedback, and end up sobbing about it. It is not that I am not trying, it is that I find it really difficult. I am trying, but I just seem to find it way more difficult that everyone else.",3 "I've currently been struggling with something that is going to make me sound like a piece of shit, even I recognize how messed up it's going to sound. Over the past couple months, I have been worrying about the proper way to interact with POC without coming across as racist. I know, this is already awful. I consider myself to be an ally who supports POC & civil rights movements. I'm ashamed of white people as a whole honestly, we've oppressed POC from the beginning of time. I've been even more so in the past year. I feel like my OCD has recently attached to this though. At least, I think it has, or maybe it's guilt knowing I'm white and part of systemic racism problem as a whole. When I pass a POC on the street, or in a place of business, I'll immediately start to get thoughts like ""Am I coming across as rude? Am I being nice enough? Am I being too nice? Am I smiling too much? Am I smiling enough? Do I look uncomfortable? This isn't about me, so why am I anxious? Stop being so self centered. Are you appearing racist? What if this POC thinks I'm racist? That's awful to assume what they think. Stop making this about you!"" And basically the entire time I'm trying to interact with someone of color, I have all this anxious dialogue in my head and I probably physically appear to be anxious, which in turn I'm sure the other person thinks ""Why are they acting so tense/afraid?"" It's not that I'm afraid of, or dislike POC, I'm way too overly cautious, I recognize that, and it's actually coming across as racist. And I don't want to make this about me, because it's not, I can only imagine the racism POC have to endure on a daily basis. It's like my own OCD/anxiety is getting in the way. I hate it. I want to get over it. I don't know why it's coming up, but I want to get past this. It's all really disturbing to me, especially when I walk past/ talk to a POC & all these thoughts are rushing through my head. I know I appear visibly anxious, I just know I do, and I'm sure it's coming off as racist. I wish I could come out and tell the person ""I'm worried that I'm going to be perceived as racist. I'm sorry for this tension. I have severe OCD/anxiety & none of this is because of you.""",1 "Tw// in this question I will speak about gasligjting. The general physical and emotional feeling of being gaslighted and the psychological effects of gaslighting from abusers on long term recovery. I have a long history with mental illness. I was diagnosed with anxiety at 7, depression aged 11. As a result people often gaslighted me about abuse endured by them. I've remembered wrong, I'm cr*zy, I'm an attention seeker etc. As a result I even doubt myself. When I have shared my stories with doctors, psychiatrists and close confidants I've been told otherwise and they have confirmed my fears that I was abused. Told that the things that happened to me are categorically wrong. It's easy whilst calm to side with the medical professionals and opinions of people who are impartial. Whilst upset though, emotions come back and I become very confused and upset, I blame myself and I even convince myself that I'm a fraud and I don't deserve help. Has anyone experienced similar? How do you deal with the self doubt? I know that I have triggers and flashbacks due to experiencing them often. I can't deny that I have ptsd. It's the fact my memories have been corrupted by false narratives and mind games. Im not even sure what is true sometimes.",3 "So i already used Ritalin for some years now, but i found it to be to inconsistent for me. Some days it works, other days it barely works and other days it makes me even more distracted and dreamy. Went to a therapist again after some years, and he recommended that i switch to dextroamphetamine instead, saying that it's better suited for adults with ADHD. I went to the doctor that works in THE SAME shared practice as the therapist, but she said she's never heard of that drug, and after looking it up she told me it was very expensive so she recommended i try Strattera instead. Me having the assertiveness of a toilet brush said OK. I'm now on it for 5 days and i feel like crap... I know I'm suposed to take it for an entire month before being sure if it works or not, and i will. But is this whole situation even OK? i mean the doctor wasn't the ADHD therapist. I looked up both drugs and the are MILES apart when it come to how they work. She went from a stimulant to an antidepressant with barely any research done to it. For all i know the dextroamphetamine would have worked wonders for me and i'm now torturing myself for an entire month with this stuff.",0 "Daily attempt to help those living with PTSD. Hope you're well, thank you for your time. Take care and thank you for surviving! https://youtu.be/UIPImXE4jCw",3 "I was able to type a story today.. Well half of it. I was verys closeclose. I am screwed in every class. I have been thinking of good ways of telling my parents but I keep slipping further into dissociation and isolating myself from reality. Fear is keeping me up rn but when it goes away rn idk if I can go another day of not telling my parents. This happened yesterday it's just today I remember much more. ​ I don't want to lie to them again, I felt yesterday that I ""had to the entities will not let you say them if you do you will get hurt, etc. "" I am afraid because if I dissociate again I will forget everything I have learned well not everything it will just start toto blur and I will deny it. Also if my words are weird the Reddit thing I am using keeps repeating words and it is a pain to delete it it is weird sorry. Check my other posts if you want more info. ​ Being involved in these things it's scaring me I want to isolate but it will hurt me long term I will know this it will be suffering more. The more I think of these possibilities the worse it gets I have dealt with this countless times I just know it I just don't really remember it very well I dizzies world a little bit rn my eyes blurrys now. I am sorry for the long post I am sorry",1 "I have PTSD, I've had it almost all my life, I've never really known a time without it, I try being a good friend and a bf if it happens, but if I make friends and I feel like I can trust them and I talk about my past with them, but they just down play it or just say sorry, that really hurts, and when I get into a relationship almost always I open up about my past and guess what, it always goes down hill, the only constant is me, I've tried experimenting, where I don't open up for a certain amount of time and everything's good but as soon as I open up, bad, honestly is it just me or is this something that happens to alot of people, I just feel worse from the mountain of relationships that ended so poorly and that I miss,",3 "Hello there! So, I got my diagnosis almost two years ago, and I can't talk too much about what lead to my PTSD, I can tell you that my old job caused it. So after a six weeks sick leave (thankfully paid and no problem in my country), I decided to not renew my contract with my employer. At that time, I still had half a year to go, but I figured that taking better care of myself and calling in sick more often instead of just pushing through, it would be fine. Then the pandemic hit hard and my employer had everyone work remotely. Which in theory is great and as far as I know the entire team of 200 people is still working from home. However, the thought alone of doing that job in my safe space, in my home, triggered the worst anxiety attack I had in my entire life. So the next morning (when I was supposed to drive to the office to get the computer to work with), I went to my general practitioner again and got another long sick leave. With the rest of my vacation time, I managed to not return to work. That fact alone was a major relief. I've been doing fine ever since. Or at least better. I still had to (and still am) battle depression, because looking for a job in the middle of a pandemic is a nightmare for itself, but I had reduced possible triggers to a minimum and overall I felt like I was handling it better. Then December came along and that was hard because people decided to light up fireworks and other explosives way before New year's. My reaction to it wasn't as bad as before so again, I figured I was getting better. Fast forward to last month. There haven't been any major triggers and events since new years, until I did a week of ""test work"" (think unpaid internship but basically without supervision, at least at this company). On my first day there, the boss screamed at one of the employees. So much, that it was audible through walls and closed doors. It was brutal, and in any other company this would have been a case for HR. Apparently the boss is choleric and regularly has these fits. It triggered me hard and I fought all day not to cry right there in the office. I quit this entire test working the next day, and even though I feel like shit for letting a job opportunity go, I am also glad I am not working at another triggering place. It took me a good few days to recover from that. And again, there wasn't anything major after that. Until Friday morning, at 4:30 , when the ex girlfriend of my upstairs neighbor turnt up screaming at the top of her lungs, hitting the front door, ringing both my neighbors and my doorbell excessively. Naturally, I woke up from this. My bedroom is basically right next to the front door. My body went straight into fight or flight, I was shaking all over and panicking. After a while the police showed up and told her to go. I could go into more detail, but it's not as necessary. The gist is: since Friday morning, she has shown up three more times. We called the police on two of these occasions (on the third she went away after screaming and ringing the doorbell once, before we could call the cops), and they took her into temporary custody once. Because it's technically not a crime, just a -whatever the word for something not quite a crime and therefore not really punishable by law is- they released her after a few hours. She then came back and vandalized the front door step. I'm staying at my parents house tonight. I haven't really slept since Friday morning. Every minute at home I feel like she will turn up again. I'm shaky all the time. I feel like I'm going to be sick. Everytime I hear a noise that could be this woman, I get triggered so hard. It's horrible. I've been on edge for the last three days. I know that I'm safe inside the house and that she can't get in. But my body just shuts down. And then, when I'm lying awake in my bed (or now, in another house), waiting for her screaming, I'm thinking of all the shit that I had to see at my old job, and it feels like I'm spiralling. Anyway, I'm going to my GP tomorrow and I'm going ask for anything tranquilizing. I thought I'd be fine at my parents house, but I can't fall asleep and my ears are ringing. I just want to feel safe in my own home again, and I so desperately want to sleep. I feel so hopeless, because I can't do anything about this situation. I have to wait it out and hope for this woman to fuck off, but I'm afraid that she will keep this up for days, if not weeks.",3 "(Similar post on r/adhd because the burnout is from a combination of the two) I’ve had A DAY. On top of my school work, I had three zoom meetings, two of which were back to back to back, cameras and audio on for all of them, and I’m killed. Masking really takes its toll on me. I’m realizing this is why I was always exhausted after school, especially because I was in a constant cycle of acting myself -> getting bullied -> masking more -> getting bullied for something else -> masking more, etc to the point where I was miserable my senior year of school (also at least 5.5 hours a day with only a half hour break, but that’s another story). Unfortunately I wasn’t diagnosed with ASD and ADHD until a few months ago, which is why I’m just now noticing this. So, my question to you guys: how do you recover from being incredibly burned out?",3 "I made a suicide note like a couple of days ago and I'm ready to end it all getting bullied by my ""friends"" getting bad grades not finding happiness in my life anymore I can't take it. I hide my emotions to not seem weak but it's hard when you get constantly pushed around. I was think maybe it'll just get better but it's not it's probably getting worse everyday. I know God will take care me in heaven I know it sounds stupid but the only thing that's holding me back is that I'll disappoint God himself I don't know anymore I'll end it soon",2 "this may sound weird as hell, but i find comfort in being sad and all negative emotions, idk whats wrong with me, ive never self harmed before but as time goes on im having more and more urges to do so, im scared man, idk what to do.",2 "If I am watching something and hear a name, all a sudden I am repeating that name subconsciously. Or if I spoke to someone on the phone and find out what their name is. All of a sudden, their name gets stuck on repeat , I’m not even thinking and that’s the first thing that pops up into my head. I don’t know why it happens and it’s so frustrating cause it’s on repeat all day. Is there anything I can do?",1 "Hello! I'm 25 years old, almost 26, and for my 2/3rds of life I've been a massive video gamer. In the past couple of years I'd spend all my waking time on computer almost always. I've sacrificed my friendships, I've lied to family members and so on. Even left my job because I wanted to stay here and do pc. At the same time- I have no motivation or desire to do anything else. I havs in my plans to start 6 months intensive programming course, but when I want to prepare for it and study on my own, I have loooots of difficulties. I can't focus for more than a couple of minutes. I start fidgeting, checking other tabs, playing other videos. Recently my experience has been that whatever I plan in regards to stopping video games or doing something outside of it can be impulsively broken. For example-I think that it's for the best for me to study so I'll plan to study tomorrow from 9am, but when I wake up, it seems like I no longer have the intention to do it, the desire is not there thus I don't study. The worst part is that I know it'd be for the best... But self-control has been a pain in the ass in the past many years. If I'd be hooked on some activity, I could spend 16 hours a day on it without any breaks, just hyperfocusing, but if it's not something exciting or interesting, I have a very hard time forcing myself to do it. I care for my self hygiene less, I tidy my room rarely... There are issues with my flat that'd be better to get fixed yet I don't do it. I make compulsive decisions like... Junk food. I can say today that I'm reducing them and commit to it (because I feel better at that moment) only to find myself next day craving them and caving into those temptations. Like... I know so much that could be done in order to improve my life and grow as a person, yet, I do almost none of that. How do I know what is what in this case? Is it just pure addiction to gaming and my brain being rewired because of it to seek only high stimulation activities? Is it adhd? Is it maybe something similar to depression that there's no motivation and desire for almost anything else outside of gaming? Is it just habits? How do we know what is what?",0 "Four years ago my family was murdered. My father, was tortured too. I became depressed, withdrawn, anxious, you know, all the common things. The nightmares are the worst, every time I close my eyes I relive the experience of finding their bodies. I thought this was just how grief felt, until a few months ago a friend reached out and encouraged me to see a psychiatrist about a possible PTSD diagnosis. I'm not thrilled about taking medication, but the doctor seems to think that the meds coupled with EMDR and Trauma based CBT will help. I don't know if PTSD is curable, or if this is just how my life will be, but I think I feel optimistic? I don't know. I just wanted to share the news with people who may understand what I'm feeling.",3 "i am too depressed to write big ass long post so let me hit you with a shortcut i … i am just sick of this & the cycle feels like hell everything is so slow i can’t figure out a magic formula to end it it’s like i am living my life , fighting a lost battle that you know nothing about it became a challenge for me to move my ass from bed it became crazy to pick the wheel & drive & dealing w/ bunch of crazy drivers downvotes piss me off & ruin my day but i say what i want anyway i feel obligated to live but can’t & won’t take my life i talked thru this to my close circles to the point that they became sick of it & desperate to help me but with failed attempts talking or not talking my meds feels the same & it piss me off even more i miss when my mind was quiet i miss when i let things happen without trying to make sense of em i became one big ass whiner i miss when i was mentally stable i hurt people… not proud of it i hurt people… cuz there is no room to deal w/ bullshit ! i got my own anyway i have a good life raised by good supportive family.. didn’t matter i have my dream car .. didnt matter i traveled to my dream country.. didn’t matter i made shitload of money .. didn’t matter i talked to the hottest girl in my university & we exchanged insta .. didn’t matter i bought myself many stuff for my own enjoyment that i could never thought i would have … you know the response by now i feel hopeless helpless & even getting this off my chest won’t help because it wont i don’t enjoy what i used to enjoy.. i can’t stand what i used not to enjoy i talk less ..even though my mind is loud bitch i am typing this knowing it would be ignored .. wont matter i got high with the best weed strains .. back to being sober & it’s hell this disease is no joke .. tl;dr it’s so dark in here guys",2 "“I enjoyed our time together. Thanks for coming! I’m sorry I was being so repetitive and forgetful. Our phone conversations were awesome, and I wanted you to have the same experience in person 😂 I understand if I’ve scared you off already…hopefully, though, I’ll get to see ya again soon. I think you’re a pretty awesome person.”",3 "I have a friend I was close while I was experiencing my trauma. I coped by drinking A LOT. Everytime we talk at some point she will mention how crazy I was back then. It used to be something we laughed about but now after treatment and therapy and knowing how much pain I was in at the time it makes me so angry. I keep her at a distance and learned I can’t have her visit, we only talk in the phone every few months. I just ended a convo with her that went really well until at the end she said “and you so crazy and that’s what I needed crazy.” And it makes me want to cry. I wasn’t crazy I was hurting. It’s not funny it’s tragic. I don’t want to be seen as crazy anymore",3 "Before anything, I don't have ocd just slight tendencies but really mild so I am probably pretty naive towards this topic, sorry if I misunderstand it. When people with harsh ocd who have to wash their hands multitudes of times or repeat opening the door multiple times until they get the perfect ""just right"" moment. Could it be possible to have this strategy in mind, to when you wash your hands instead of washing it 80 times you can get your thoughts and wisdom together and think, ok normally I want to do it first try but it ends up repeating for an hour, so if I use 80 times the soap in 1 go then anti-bacterial after then a wipe then it should be clean enough if not cleaner then what I thought before hand. And if it doesn't feel right again then you can think, ok next time I'll use 90 times the soap or 70 times the soap, you're saving the time spend being frustrated and spending it all in one effort which makes you less frustrated in the end. Same could go for opening a door, have the wisdom before hand and think ok I'm gonna put so much power at this angle degree, if that doesn't work I'll try one more time, otherwise i'll keep my strategy for the next time and I'll scheme my door opening skills until next try. And the stereotypical pens straight on your table, what if you have a 3d printed holder for all your supplies so they can't move at all, it's perfect and you can't argue around it. Not ocd but it feels kind of the same when I roll around in bed, I used to sleep with an angle but now I just choose left, right, back, or front and switch it up when I feel like it but try sticking with it if I waste more effort rolling then actual laying thinking ""ok this is what I chose and I'll hold it out until I chose otherwise"". Sorry if I totally missed a point here please bare with me, thought it could maybe help some one out there. <3 you all",1 "I'm a woman in my 20s but I get intrusive thoughts about the possibility that I'm transgender. These intrusive thoughts are extremely common and it feels like everything I do ties back to them. I prefer playing male characters in video games? It means I want to be a boy. Rando online says the word gender in any context? I start foaming at the mouth. The employee called me sir because of my masculine appearance and I didn't mind? Well I must be a lad, women generally don't like being perceived as male. A trans person recounts an innocuous experience and I relate? Oh fuck, that settles it. I'm at the point where I have a knee-jerk negative reaction to being called ""she"" simply because it reminds me that pronouns and gender exist and I struggle with it. I've gone in deep trying to understand what gender is and what mine is supposed to be and there's so much emphasis on ""presentation"" that it feels like my lack of femininity is a sign that I'm trans. Whenever I get dressed in the morning I absentmindedly think ""Look at you, wearing men's clothes, you fucking egg"" and it's driving me insane. I don't want to live like this anymore.",1 I'm medicated so I can definitely buckle down for a good 3 hours a day. I've got a 6 page (double-spaced) final paper due in a week and I'm pretty comfortable with the subject matter. I'm at that weird crux where I feel like it's going to be easy to write so I have no driving force compelling me to complete it sooner than the day it is due. If you understand what I'm talking about I'm super-interested in seeing your comments and reading about your experiences.,0 "It seems like I often get ""clusters"" of bad things happening. E.g. recently I had very intense relationship problems, and then on the same day I was basically yelled at and called unprofessional at work. The timing was weird, because I haven't been called unprofessional in many years of working at this place, and I don't even think it was warranted in this case. Anyway...what happens to me then is that I get very suicidal. I just can't deal with it, and I have no one I could talk to (no friends or supportive family), and even if I could, I don't think it would help. In these situations, I'm completely overwhelmed and basically feel like I need a permanent caretaker. It's very scary to fall apart completely, and it seems there is simply no way for me to prepare. In the past, I would completely withdraw and not leave my apartment, but now I'm living with my gf, so it's impossible. Or I would bury myself in work, but now this caused even more pain. I don't see other people struggling as much even when they face difficult situations. They may get emotional, but I think for most it doesn't make them give up on life entirely. I don't know what I'm looking for, just feedback on whether other people experience that, and maybe advice if you have any.",3 "Has anyone else experienced terrible drowsiness while taking Strattera? I’ve been on and off of it for a year or two now but consistently for the last 6 months and it constantly makes me feel like I’m falling asleep, especially when I’m just sitting in in desk chair at work. My girlfriend is in school to become a pharmacist right now and mentioned that it could be my allergy medication in combination with the Strattera but I’ve tried to change that the last couple of weeks and it doesn’t work as well and I live with a cat I’m mildly allergic to. I have been on everything under the sun as a kid and most recently was on Ritalin LA with a different doctor in high school. I didn’t see a doctor for a few years after that and then my new one suggested I try Strattera and this is where I’m at. Is there any chance of getting back on a stimulant with another new doctor (I’ve moved recently) after being on a non stimulant? Tl:dr Strattera makes me sleepy (to a fault) can I get back on Ritalin after years of being off and multiple new doctors?",0 "I hate the past two years. I miss having a home, I miss my friends, I miss my ex. I miss who I was in 2019. Everything just gets worse and worse. Why am I even trying anymore? There's no point to anything. I can't go back, I can't be the person I was. The future holds nothing at all for me. I don't care anymore, about anything. I want to just fall asleep and never wake up. I can't believe I thought things would work out, that for once things were looking up. I was so stupid, grinning until my ugly face hurt while making plans to move in with my boyfriend. Idiot, absolute idiot. I knew better.",2 "I recently knew a guy at uni and we’ve been consistently texting and rarely seeing each other we don’t share classes and our schedules are different. Anyway, so he initiates conversation at days and so do i. But the problem isn’t here. The problem is that i can’t foxus if my phone is turned on or if i’m waiting a text from him. Like the best thing is to turn my phone off and not text him but at the same time i want to keep this relationship growing :( like he knows i get distracted my social media so i don’t have these but i can’t tell him i get distracted my his texts :( like i feel that the best thing i can do is to tell him that i need my phone turned off all day to focus and that we should start meeting at uni like idk :( but we rarely met tho we are close but i don’t know if he wants to meet me that much :( like i can turn off my phone and not reply to my friends and everything but it’s diff with him. My friends know me that i take time but him i always replt fast. He’s not a normal crush. We has so so so much no common like crazy and i don’t want to lose him. :( i’m not really diagnosed so i can’t tell him about adhd because i’m not diagnosed i just suspect it and it runs in the family but my assessment is close",0 Apologies for the weird title. Basically what i am asking here is what behaviors or actions do you do on a day to day basis that have or had lead you to the assumption or test result of having Asperger's? I have been googling for a while now and i seem to have many of the symptoms. I have felt that i was autistic/had Asperger's for a while now but have not been diagnosed so i figured id ask this question here so i can learn more about it. Any comments are helpful. Thanks in advance!,3 "In careers we’re learning things like life skills, how to have a healthy life, stuff like that. Yesterday’s class we went over destressing tactics and important things you need to do. Everything went wrong, however, when we were supposed to practise one of them. We had to take everything off our desks, try not to fidget, and just stay inside our heads. I was immediately offering, and I lasted i think 5-10 seconds before I started crying, and it went on for what felt like ages. Just, siting in a room with about 15-17 other teenagers in what was complete silence except for the sounds of crying. I was trying to hold it in as much as possible but it was so agonizing and I just wanted to disappear. When he finally said we could stop, I just got louder and learned it had only been 3 minutes, and that we were going to do it every once in a while until we could get to 5. I tried to joke about it but I was just crying, afterwards I just kinda sat there. He talked to me afterwards, but the only thing I can really remember is saying that I never want to do that ever again. But I still have to. I just know every time I have to do it I’ll break sooner then before, especially once I’ve built a negative association with it from this. I just, really don’t want to do it ever again. And I have talked about being neurodivergent, so idk what to do",0 "I have a depression fuelled by my social anxiety, which got a boost from the social distancing and isolation from the pandemic. My depression is just lethargy and emptiness and comes in waves. I am not suicidal but occasionally I just really do not want to exist. I started seeing a therapist for a couple of weeks now, but every time I leave I feel worse. I just feel empty and lonely to the point that I just won't do anything anymore, except laying in my bed and sleeping. I think I am doing something wrong, since I always end up telling him all the things that went good and how I am pulling through instead of about my low moments. I haven't even cried yet. Does anyone have advice for discussing my actual issues/feelings with my therapist?",2 "I have been scrolling this sub for a while and I can confirm that I had intrusive thoughts relating to HOCD and also POCD. I also have many other intrusive thoughts which I would prefer to keep private. Do I have OCD? I mean I used to think that it was a possibility, but many people assossiate OCD with extreme cleanliness so I dismissed it.",1 "I'm sorry if someone has asked this before - I checked the pinned messages and didn't see it. I was curious if anyone has attempted a diagnosis online since I've seen several of them. if so, what was your experience? was it worth it? Most of them you have to pay to talk to someone or pay after submitting an online questionnaire for them to diagnose. I just keep having people tell me they think I have ADHD but I've never been diagnosed. Although I've also never tried or asked. I would rather a professional tell me yes or no than random people who don't actually know. I know there's a lot more to it so I'm not really sure where to begin. I apologize if this is out of line to ask, and thank you for for any help or suggestions.",0 "Hello, I am in the substance abuse counselor program at my college and with this reading from substance abuse to counseling techniques, a lot of old memories that I have not dealt with have begun to rise up. I joke now that this program was just to promote my healing that I have ignored all these years. But on a different note, I was just diagnosed with PTSD, I really don't know what to do with it and I wonder if this program is a good choice to continue in at this point. I want to help others, but I feel so raw and unsure at this point with this new diagnosis, I really don't know what to do. Are there any other professionals out there that have had this situation or had PTSD come up and how did you manage it in a helping profession? Thank you",3 "I have had my episodes for around 5 years now. They weren’t as bad as they once were because I actually am supported by some people now, but within the past year my episodes have been changing some. Now some of my episodes seem to extend beyond myself to things that haven’t actually happened to me or things that are being described to me. For instance I have had an episode where two people (these two people are not strangers and in fact are part of the reason I have ptsd) hit and fought with each other. Person 1 smashed a piece of glass against person 2’s head. This has never happened before, and they in fact have never physically fought each other (although they have verbally a lot). Despite the fact of this having never happened before I still have had these episodes like they were the real thing. (Also, there is no way it’s any kind of brain damage or suppressed memory thankfully I haven’t experienced that). Another strange thing is when something is described in detail enough I sometimes experience an episode from it. It’s not always about bad things, but it often is, and it always uncontrollable. In class we were talking about the Holocaust and I experienced an episode of it like I was one of the victims of it. Full felling of touch, pain, noise, emotions and everything. I nor none of my family has ever experienced anything like the horrors of the Holocaust, but for some reason it still causes triggers for me even though I never experienced it. Has anyone experienced something like this? Am I doing something like trying to rationalize my pain by making it seem worse than it actually is in a weird sick unconscious way? I am not trying to do this, at least I don’t think I am, but it still seems to be happening.",3 "I’ve been on it for about a year now, and I feel that Im way more fun obsessive and compulsory when im in a relationship. I have ROCD but it’s never been this bad before. I’m curious if anyone’s intrusive thoughts have got worse taking lamictal?",1 "I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 12 years old. I had no idea what it meant, other than the fact that I’d already been through hell as a child. My parents were/are both in survival mode themselves and have offered me little to nothing in emotional support or resources over the years. I saw a therapist for a few months back then (the one who gave me the diagnosis), but she moved and my parents didn’t find me any other help at the time. I’ve always felt different from my peers. Like something was wrong with me. With life moving so fast and with no support concerning my illness, I thought I just needed to push through on my own. It worked for a bit, but in college the panic attacks, nightmares, constant anxiety and fear, came back full force. School almost killed me. Constant stress, fear of how people in authority would treat me/think of me, fear of bad grades, etc. When I was 19 (just before I started college) I went looking for a therapist on my own & found support. I saw the same therapist for 6 years, throughout my time in college, and managed to survival it all. Thankfully, my parents supported me financially and helped pay for my therapy. I worked a couple part time jobs as needed, but if my plate ever got “too full” I would ask my parents for money & quit my job. I graduated college in May (I swear it’s a miracle I made it through) and now I’m 3 weeks into a full time job in the service industry. I work as a barista in a fancy downtown coffee shop with super high expectations and a serious learning curve. I worked part time as a barista before, so I’m not a total beginner but they make me feel like one. I’m trying to be patient with myself and give myself space to learn and fail, but I’ve already broken down twice in the break room (ironic, I know). One poor customer interaction and I shatter. I don’t know if I can handle this. I come home utterly exhausted every day. My spouse is worried about me. I just started with a new therapist but I hate online therapy. It just sucks. I’m still showing up and trying to make it work, though. The other night I had a panic attack and angry outburst with screaming, crying, the whole package.. this is where I’m at. I’m curious. What are your jobs? How do you handle stress at work without totally losing it every time? Also, does your employer know about your ptsd? Have you applied for disability because of ptsd? What is that process like? How do you survive working full time?",3 "I have been fighting my depression for 4 years now and I have had enough trouble in the meanwhile because of my own doing But everytime things start to go up people leave me and just push me further down the drain and make people hate me. I just can’t do it no longer , tonight will be the night I have bought razor blades by luck from a door to door salesman and I am going to leave everything behind because this is just bullshit",2 "I'm a burden on my family. I was in engineering program, I finished my first year successfully, but I hated the subject, hated everything, became depressed always, ruined both my eyes, so I dropped out to go for the subject I like, but I can only start in 3 months, and that's in a lower ranked university. I lost my identity, I've been always happy because I made my parents proud, they want me to success and I did that always.. Now I feel like a heavy burden on my family, whenever my father walks in from the door tired, I feel like I'm a waste of food, I don't want to eat anything anymore, I'm helping around while being sad in everything in the house, my mom is trying to raise my mood telling me jokes like: ""Now you could go clean houses and earn a living!"", but that just hurt me more than it made me laugh. I have an eye surgery in two days, and my father will be taking me there, he must take a day off to do this and whenever he does more work stacks on him, and I feel terrible. Everyone in my age, is working, going out, learning, doing something and chasing his dreams. While all I did is drop out because I don't like what I'm learning, I have social anxiety and everything that stops me from functioning normally. And at the same time my father is out there working very hard always just so I can succeed. I can no more look my parents in the eyes, I feel ashamed, I do everything they ask me to do, but I can't stop my sadness, I cannot sleep without thinking about how I'm doing nothing beneficial to my parents. I don't want these feelings anymore, I want to run away and never come back, I don't want to be expected to do something, I don't want to have hopes on me, I don't want my family to work to help me. I just want to run away the furthest I can to the woods, sit there and stay crying until I disappear from this world and I can rest then and make my family rest.",2 "Before depression, I was extremely ambitious and successful, but a total workaholic. I think this contributed to my depression, as well as my lack of sleep. When I developed depression, though, I never had the energy to go after my goals and getting through the day and taking care of myself was hard enough. Well, I went on meds two years ago after realizing something had to give, and ever since then, I’ve been back to my typical self who is driven and always seeking to grow and improve. Better, in some ways. I’ve accomplished a lot and I’m extremely proud of myself. However, I can’t fight the fear that my meds give me some sort of unfair advantage, which is so stupid because I know that’s not true. I study neuroscience and psychology and I know that meds just restore you back to a normal functioning level like before your illness. For example, the people know with ADHD don’t have some sort of unfair advantage over others because they take Adderall since THEY ACTUALLY NEED IT. Even still, I feel guilty calling my accomplishments my own because I know if I had never gotten treated, I wouldn’t be where I am today. It’s so illogical but it still bugs me, especially since my meds have given me more energy (I’m on Bupropion). This was a reason it took me so long to go on meds, too. I wanted to be able to attribute my successes to myself alone. Does anyone have any insight into this or a way to cope with this feeling?",2 "I'm a military veteran, I served in the Army, I was late in life diagnosed at the age of 36 after I got out of the Army when I was 22. I was hoping there was a chance of contacting other veterans that have Aspergers. On a side note if you have any questions relating to my experience of being in the military with Aspergers please ask aways, I'm pretty open about my experiences good bad and otherwise.",3 "Just want to know how I can hide the fact that I cry every day and just want to look happier. My eyes tend to look super puffy, area around my eyes look super dark and my skin just looks really bad compared to before. Everyone keeps asking about it and I hate looking at myself in the mirror Maybe if I also look less depressed, I might feel less depressed?",2 "I had a really heavy talk with my mum earlier today, about my feelings of being outcast from the family, treated differently than my sisters. Like I’m less equal than them. This has been ongoing for years. She essentially said that I’m probably misunderstanding situations and scenarios, and building up a reality that isn’t actually true. Like, creating these memories where people have meant one thing but I took it as a negative slight to myself. Basically this has caused me to question everything. Is every negative feeling I’ve ever had even valid? Am I right to feel this way? Are these feelings even real? Anyone else felt this? I just feel very lost right now",3 "I'm not even 20 yet and so fucked up. I can't describe you here the years and years of loneliness and trauma I went through and the numerous fucked up things I do to cope. Everything in my life feels so unhealthy and ill. My life is mostly me coming back from school into my room and doing nothing, ever since kindergarden. As a child I would bottle my emotions up with TV, projecting myself into cartoons and crying because irl I'm not friends with San Goku or Sonic the Hedgehog. I can't look at childhood photos or watch cartoons without feeling utter despair and sobbing. And now nothing fucking changed. Nothing matters, none of it fucking matters. It's the same routine, the same struggles I'm tired of. I try to think of things I have done in the past and my head starts hurting. There is nothing to remember. My life is an empty file. No moment I feel attached to, no pleasure. Between the bar of pleasure and frustration my life is giving me too much despair and anger, and loneliness. I don't want to bare this anymore. Once I went to the forest I go to in order to scream and cry and I started suddenly feeling euphoric I don't know why. Suddenly for maybe 30 minutes I froze and started smiling. I think I disconnected from my current life and during these 30 minutes where no one was reminding me of who I am. I derealized. If I was thrown into a whole new life with no proof of my past one I think my brain would hit the Reset button and make me a whole new identity up, smashing all the past memories I had collected.",2 "It seems like most books/resources focused on trauma are addressed to those who are out of traumatic/toxic situations, understandably so - I don’t believe it’s possible to heal from trauma whilst still in such an unhealthy environment. But the reality is that some of us cannot (at least for the time being) remove ourselves from that environment. Some of my trauma comes from my childhood growing up with my parents. When living away from them I was able to do a lot of healing, learn how to build healthy, loving relationships with friends, become more emotionally mature, and learn tools to increase a sense of peace and safety within myself. Unfortunately for a year and a half now I have been living with them again due to severe illness (mostly bedbound, completely reliant on them). I can expect to be here for at least another couple years, likely more. I can tell that in this time I’ve become much more emotionally unhealthy, my self-esteem has plummeted, I’ve started looking at other relationships through the lens of my relationship with my parents (and therefore feeling unsafe, paranoid and untrustworthy in previously good relationships), and it’s hard to access a feeling of safety in my body. I’m concerned that all the progress I made previously is going to be ruined, and I also need tools to look after myself emotionally in this situation. Are there any books/resources which focus specifically on looking after one’s emotional state and health etc when in an unavoidable toxic/traumatising/triggering environment? Thanks :)",3 "Trigger warnings for sexual assault Hi, I'm 21 years old and have recently found out that I have PTSD in regards to sex, because of, well basically a lifetime of traumatic sexual experiences. Last year I got out of a very emotionally and sexually abusive relationship that really broke me. I realised that my relationship with sex is messed up in all the ways and that it has never actually been good and I'm struggling a lot. I've found a new partner and he's absolutely amazing and has helped me come to terms with and try and help my trauma, but nothing is really working. I just don't know how to deal with it, I feel like I'm never going to get better. Most days I can't even have him touch or look at me, without freaking out. Whenever we try and have sex, no matter how gentle and slow or fast and wild we do it, I fully dissociate and have panic attacks, sometimes for days. I just feel so lost and alone and hopeless. I want to get better for my relationship with my amazing partner and most importantly for myself. But I don't know what to do anymore I hope this isn't inappropriate and that there may be someone out there who can help. Hope you all have a good night",3 "My neighbors randomly started setting off fireworks last night. They’re illegal in my state. I can handle them when I know they’re coming, like if I choose to go to a fireworks show and I know I’m going to hear them. But I’m not expecting them on July 1st. It wasn’t even the weekend yet. It shocked me and I went into full panic attack mode. Crying, hyperventilating, couldn’t breath, clenching my teeth. I had to close my windows even though it was cool outside. I barely slept and I had to get up early for work. I have to work again tonight too and get up early the next morning too… it’s going to be a long weekend. My fiancé responded by trying to defend me and went outside a couple times to yell “knock it off with the fireworks!” Etc. Like even if you don’t have PTSD people still have to work and this was happening between 12 am and 2 am on a Thursday night. Eventually we saw cop cars patrolling the neighborhood with spot lights. I’m wondering if I should call the non emergency line and complain too.",3 "I have a pair of expensive jeans that i got a semen satin on. I have washed them and they are clean and no tracks left on the jeans. But I still don’t want to use them because it feels “wrong” Would you wear your clothes even tho it have been semen there? I might be stupid",1 "I am a 30something woman with a male partner diagnosed w ASD. One of the (many) interesting parts of our relationship has been his blunt observations about my own possibly not very “neurotypical” behaviour. I have always known myself to be a bit “unusual” but assumed myself to just a weird, smart person, maybe ADHD, idk “just myself”. Moreover, I never really related to the stereotypical, mostly male asd caricature, never had material problems in school or work, and as I’ve grown older I’ve found ways to navigate the social world well enough, so I never previously felt much compulsion to dig deeper into what exactly makes me different. But his comments started me doing what people have done since uh, I guess 2000 or so, and start looking it up on the internet. And then I started noticing that among WOMEN with ASD, a lot of my experiences are actually acutely aligned there - especially when I was a little girl and younger adult - stuttering as a kid, social anxiety in public, artistic interests, being bullied as a kid, walking on my tiptoes for months as a little girl, some obsessive mannerisms/ compulsions, a lot of reading, loner etc. As an adult I have some form of anxiety ordifficulty focusing sometimes but have sort of “overcome” a lot of this - I seem quirky to some but can survive in a high powered corporate context, make friends easily and project warm confidence, but this little girl is still very much inside me somewhere. The problem is, like all internet tools, sometimes one just finds whatever one is already looking for, and there isn’t a lot out there about high functioning women diagnosed as adults or what ASD even looks like in adult women - a lot of it is men. And so. Adult women with ASD - how did you know? Maybe an overly broad question, but how would you describe your character, abilities and difficulties as an adult, now?",3 "Every now and again if I’m overwhelmed I often just go silent for a few days or weeks. I’ll avoid phone calls, keep myself busy and let my brain sort itself out. It confuses people around me and in return makes me feel bad. I feel I need my space but unsure how long it will take to feel normal again. People are reaching out and I just can’t give anything back in the sense of a response. Whether that be verbally, emotionally or even answering the phone. And if they do manage to speak to me it’s emotionless and they take it personal like I’m not interested in what they are saying but in reality I’m in autopilot just tryna make it thru the day :/",3 "Basically the title. I love studying and the same time I hate it. I've failed alot in school growing up till now in university and still struggling. I get really lazy and stop trying because of the hours I have to put in to try and understand. Now I'm in a chemistry major and I'm no genius, but is there a way to stop thinking so hard, whenever I do my mind will go elsewhere, I'll lose focus and start doing something else entirely and keep rereading the same damn sentences for 30 mins. It's all getting on my nerves and why I hate studying.",3 "First off I love my mom, its been bumpy but today we have a great relationship, lately shes been into watching documentaries and this time it was about girls in Ghana. First off I would not read into it as its a big old trigger for some who has PTSD, but alot of those girls have gone through hell. My mom talked to me about the documentary and how they have pulled themself up from the dirt, warrior strong and all that, she finished it with ""well if those girls can live with their PTSD so can you"" and I told her I am, im finding my way to live with it its just taking some time. And then she flat out said ""Well just say to your brain: thoughts go away!"" I explained its not that simple because your body remembers trauma jadda jadda. And then she went ""Well, just shut off your brain its not that hard, and your sons father(my abuser) he is no problem just blow him off ye shoulder like hes dust:D"" I told her if I could strap him on a rocket and send him to mars I would, but he retraumatize me over and over, he triggers me because he is a narcissist and thats just what he does. She went on with something else so I just ended the convo. Its not the first time either, she thinks its a bit odd how my cousinS have houses,kids,families,a job,friends all that jazz while im where I am at in life, single mom to a 18 month old living with my parents because I cant afford rent and lawyers bills, and im going on 50 % disability next year. She thinks I should just blow the trauma off my shoulder, well I would if I could. I know she means well and she loves me but I would appriciate it if she sat down and TRIED to understand PTSD, heck even just 5 %. It sucks that my damn chiropractor understands me more than my mom ever will, my mom always have a low blow. I dont roll into my covers in the mornings and hide, I do my best everyday for my son. It might never be enough for my mom, but im doing it right for my son so its something.",3 "This is going to be long but I’m struggling right now and I hope it helps. WARNING LOTS OF TRIGGERS My mother had me and my brother in high school, she was young and in between jobs almost always. I remember being hungry A LOT. My parents split when we were 3. My mom remarried the guy she cheated on my father with. The man she married was sadistic. Not only was he physically abusive to all of us, but enjoyed mentally torturing my brother and i. He would lock us in rooms in my grandmas basement and force us to stare at a corner of the wall, and when we cried for our mom he would scream at us if we even thought about turning around. This was for no reason, not punishment just cruelty. I remember hearing my mother cry as he abused her. I would sit at the top of the stairs and listen and cry. When my mother was gone he would take cosmetology style doll heads and back us into corner with them as we screamed. Like most young boys, at night my brother and I would have trouble sleeping or be scared, he would crack the windows of the bedroom so the wind would whistle through and it would scare us, he just laughed and would smack this iron rod over this railing until we shut up. He did this until it broke. My mother never said a word… I remember smacking my head against the couch and needing stitches and as I screamed and bled he grabbed me and shook me hard in front of a mirror as he cursed me for being an idiot. The older son of this man would pull my hair out in chunks on the school bus and laugh as I cried. Just for fun. I was sexually assaulted by him more than once. I have no memories of this man ever being nice. Never wanting to see us happy, never once letting us be children. My mom finally kicked him out. Naturally as I grew older I started drinking at an early age. I was probably a full blown alcoholic before I graduated high school. I joined the military and was in iraq under the bush era. 9 months. I carried a lot of trauma from that year. I got out eventually and had a girlfriend for almost 2 years, she cheated on me and got with a drug addict who eventually got her into heroin and she overdosed and died. I still miss her sometimes. My friend was partying at my house a few years before that and as I stepped outside he was hit by a car and killed. I gave him CPR and listened as my breath just left his lungs. Now I’m married with 2 beautiful children. I feel like I don’t deserve a day with them. I’m two weeks sober thank god but lately I’ve been so anxious and obsessively thinking about what if’s that I can’t enjoy a single day without crushing anxiety. I’m currently at work and I’ve been fighting back tears all day. I have completely lost happiness.",3 "I've been through a lot. Terrible upbringing, military deployments, divorce. Losing kids, separation from current wife with almost losing kids. My dad and sister died within months of each other. Disrespect at work and perceived disrespect at home. My kids won't hug me or express any love my way. My wife argues with me daily Everytime I open my mouth I'm wrong. Everyone I work with treats me like an inconvenience. I've attempted suicide several times and gave been pronounced dead at least once (quantum immortality?) Well I finally got diagnosed, got help.. I got a therapist, a psychiatrist and a doc that was starting medications. Well apparently no one is caring enough to keep my regiment of meds on track. It's now been 2 weeks of nothing and no sign of any doc trying to get me what I need. I have great insurance and all premiums met.. Now my wife is trying to keep me calm and my poor kids have to watch their dad fall apart over every minor inconvenience A perpetual downward spiral starting again I just want to go to sleep all day long and never wake back up",2 I get a period throughout the day (probably 3 days a week) Whare I will wake up from a nap or I’ll be in my room and I’ll just start crying (maybe 15 tears) realizing how worthless I am. Crying prob lasts 5 min but the feelings prob last an hour and a half or until I go back to sleep. How do I know if this is a depressive episodes vs me just enjoying feeling bad for myself. It’s a very deep level of sadness and emptiness I experience. I have suicidal thoughts during these episodes (but I would never act on them). I feel this sadness in my chest and stomach and it’s so uncomfortable. I loose all motivation. Is it depression if it’s only for a few hours a few days a week?,2 "I'm a survivor of childhood trauma and am working through CPTSD, so I've been doing therapy and reading books in order to heal. The studying is doing double-duty because I also teach at an urban school for kids in the foster care system, all of whom have traumatic childhoods. In seeking to share the insights with my colleagues, as well as having a quick reference to return to when needed, I decided to make a single doc with a summary of some of the books that have been helping me on my journey. My thoguht was that crowd-sourcing this task could be beneficial, so this is why I turn to you all now. I'm seeking collaborators to help me with the summaries of these texts with key points, insights, and tools as well as any suggested additions. The books are: 1) Polyvagal Theory in Therapy by Deb Dana (stellar summary of polyvagal theory and it's applications in healing) 2) The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk (of course, the seminal work) 3) Complex PTSD by Pete Walker (a masterpiece brimming with brilliant insights on CPTSD and tools for healing) 4) When PAnic Attacks by David Burns (a CBT guide for dealing with anxiety by a founding psychiatrist of CBT) Are you familiar with any of these? If so, would you be willing to read over my summary and suggesting additions? If so, please dm me and I will share the docs URL for you to look over. You can either comment on the document directly or dm me with them and I will add them in, whichever you'd prefer. Thanks everyone! Please be well and continue on your path to health and happiness!",3 "A close friend of mine died of a terminal illness recently. At first, I felt somewhat relieved that he was no longer suffering of pain when he eventually passed away. It's been 3 weeks however, I have this obsessive thoughts of going back in time to see what I could have done more or not done to make his last few years more memorable (for example, regrets for not booking an overseas trip before the pandemic hit; working a new job just when he slowly got ill and went into palliative care). I can't stop the what if's in my mind..like would he still live longer or would have I made him happier had I not failed to do this and that and all the other little details? I tried talking to some friends and his relatives and was told there was nothing more I could've done yet somehow I still feel this immense guilt and remorse. It's bothersome and I feel like I need to seek help from a therapist. 😔",3 "Kinda long,, sorry I tend to ramble 😅 But I want to provide as much context as possible to answer possible questions. I was very recently diagnosed by my psychiatrist for ADHD, who I started seeing with the main goal of finding out if I was or not. (Diagnosed about 1/2 inattentive and 1/2 hyperactive, some symptoms of each). For greater context, here's my meds (besides birth control pill); I was prescribed Adderall XR 10mg. Extended release version as she prefers (I also agree- I wouldn't want to feel a big surge out of nowhere). I was also prescribed Bupropion XL 150mg (also extended release) a couple of months ago for anxiety/depression; switching off Sertraline which just wasn't quite right for me. I know Bup. can have a poor interaction w/Adderall resulting in seizures, but I have no history of them, and no prior conditions that risk them, so I wanted to try Adderall (every other ADHD med has an even worse interaction with it, she told me, so it was kinda my only choice). I am slightly scared of the ""addictiveness"" of it, but I wonder if that applies more to neurotypicals taking it? I also dabble in 🌿🔥 (recently legalized in NY). But only the vape version and in tiny hits/light sessions. I like hybrids; 1/2 sativa 1/2 indica, lately apparently enjoying sativa dominant hybrids, for the energy and alertness, but still get to feel relaxed/focused. But not sativa entirely, that was way too much energy lol. Apparently 🌿 and Adderall don't mix well.. Anyway, I've been fighting a bit of imposter syndrome with it based on how my day went... It says to take it in the morning, but I work a night/graveyard shift (9pm-3am), so I don't wake up until like 2pm, when I take my meds. So Ive just assumed ""morning"" is relative? Like just whenever you start your day? I took it, and had noticed the pile of dishes me and my bf BOTH hate doing (it's gross 🤢), but I l Almost immediately wanted to get them all done, I asked him to do the pots while I did everything dishwasher-related (the deal we struck). I took out all the trash, replaced all the bags, tidied up a bit for someone coming over later, etc. Felt very productive! Instead of sitting on the couch w/ heavy executive dysfunction wanting and needing to do stuff but just- CANT. I went to work later, but didn't feel all that different? A bit more focused/Into doing my (kinda repetitive) tasks instead of zoning out and being a bit distracted like a zombie. Felt tired and irritable toward the end, but idk if it was just general annoyance (no one ever puts ANYTHING back where it was, and I knocked something over). I get home by 4, feet hurt, again, not feeling much different than any other night. Was that surge of productivity because I was more focused and didn't feel the executive dysfunction? Or was it because I might not have ADHD and it gave me the surge of energy non-ADHD users feel? Because I just took It again about an hour ago and I've just been sitting on my couch typing this out w/YouTube in the background. Been feeling,, jittery? Like it's kinda hard to type rn cuz my thumbs feel shaky, like when you have the flu and your muscles feel week and shaky. But I don't feel the need to get up and do stuff tho. I can actually focus on the videos I'm watching instead of feeling like I have to be on my phone playing something too. (Kind of starting to feel muscle-relaxing like Indica or a muscle-relaxant like one I took for a surgery). So idk if yesterday was like placebo effect based on what I thought it would do to me or situational because I knew the house needed tidying? 🤷‍♀️ Too early to tell? I don't see her again til the 23rd, so I'm worried if I decide I don't like it I can't stop until I talk to her in like 1.5 weeks. 😬 TL/DR: (I don't blame you for not reading everything). I take 10mg Adderall and 150mg Bupropion, both extended release. Is ""Take in the morning"" Relative to whenever you start your day? How different is the relaxed focus ADHD ppl feel on Adderall than the stimulating energy non-ADHD ppl feel? (I can't tell which one I feel, I guess?) I was diagnosed and prescribed it but I'm facing imposter syndrome.",0 "Hey guys. First of all, I would like to say I have the utmost respect for anyone here suffering from PTSD. I don't believe I ever faced a traumatic situation such as many people here like death, abuse, war, accident or another tragedy. I am, however, starting to believe I am suffering deeply from a situation that I lived through several years ago, in 2013. To understand the size of the problem I must first explain to you who I was at that time. I grew up in church, obeying all the laws of the evangelical church. My father was dealing with a lot of stress from work (and his own issues) so he wasn't very affective when I was a kid. He used to shout at me during discussions so I usually just shut my mouth off and internalized all the pain instead of discussing further. He got pretty mad whenever our bus was late and blamed it on us being aloof and missing the bus that would get there a few minutes earlier. Me being quiet when my father was shouting was considered virtuous by my mom. Both my siblings would answer back to him and not internalize the pain the way I did. My mom used to say ""why aren't you two like him? Whenever dad shouts at him he just stays quiet instead of furthering the discussion"" I thought I was doing the right thing. When you add Church and God into the mix, I thought I was doing what God wanted me to do, so obeying my parents had a ""reward"" attached to it. Another thing that was always important to me was having the affection of a girl. Ever since I was 5 or 6 I was already falling in love with girls (I am a male). And that was fairly common. Soon after, probably when I was around 10 or 11 I was already listening and learning about waiting and ""saving"" myself for marriage. So I didn't kiss girls even though I was infatuaited by them. I knew, in time, I would have a great marriage. I just had to keep being a good son of God. And man, I was the best at doing that. I evangelized other people, I prayed and had a meaningful relationship with God, Jesus, my pastors and leaders and etc... I read the bible and didn't look porn even though I had sexual urges and masturbated every now and then which brought me overwhelming feelings of guilt. I didn't care about finding a virgin woman. I never did. I thought that it was important for me to ""save"" myself sexually in order to be a good husband for my future wife. I didn't care if she had sex before or not. I thought that by having this sort of mentality I would make a woman very happy one day. That she would feel grateful for knowing I had never ""sinned"" and was all ""saved up"" for her. When I was 22 years old, I finally started dating. That was also my first kiss. The woman in question wasn't a christian for her whole life, just for about 3 years and was a bit older than me (2 years). She already had sexual experiences and long term relationships before me. And, since I was sooooo good at being a ""saint"" child of God, the leaders from her church and her parents were impressed with me. They thought I was a catch, a man of God and she went for it, even though, as I learned later, she wasn't in love with me. Our relationship was difficult. I was deeply in love with her and she wasn't. I think, in some level, I could sense that. She was very chill and neutral regarding me. It was easy to reschedule a coffee or dinner with me so she could see her friends instead. I think she didn't really feel anything for me, not at least on the same level I felt for her. (which, I know now, should be ok. Love is something that grows). we gave our first kiss and were trying to save ourselves for marriage. We were constantly touching each other and doing sexual stuff (without penetration) and feeling extremely guilty right after. She felt specially guilty, because she thought, due to her sexual past, she was tempting me and making me sin. for mee, since I never had sex before and was honestly a bit affraid to disappoint her, it was easier to avoid having sex at all. Time went by, a few months and she moved to another city for a job. We kept seeing each other during the weekends, where we spent most of the time together. There was a rush for us to get married soon, so we could have sex. Plus, we really thought we loved each other. One night, she told me had doubts. Doubts about us, doubts about loving me. I was crushed. It was so difficult to process all that. I thought, how could this be happening? I did everything God wanted me to. She later told me about how she felt guilty about having a sexual history with other people while I didn't. She said it would be ""easier"" if I had already had sex in the past. During these conversationsations, I also found a list that she wrote during those days where she said she didn't feel proud of me nor any expectations to get married or a ""desire"" to see me. A bit more down the line, I still recall this, we were on the phone talking about it the situation. I asked her: I asked her \- Do you have feelings for someone else? \- No - she said, hesitantly. \- Do you promise? A silence \- No. That crushed me. Even now, writting about this, I feel my heart pounding and I am shaking a bit. (this was November, 2013). She explained to me how she felt some ""interest"" for some guys at her new workplace. They weren't Christians. She said she thought she would be ""happier with them, at first, but maybe some doubts would come later"". It hurt me deeply. Everything I was at that point got crushed. I put a pillow on my face and screamed while crying. I did everything God wanted and was told for 23 years but all that was considered as a weight for her. Needless to say, we broke up. And honestly, it's been the hardest thing on the planet to fall in love with any other girl. Even if I do fall in love, its only with unavailable women (already in a relationship or girls who want nothing with me). If a girl reciprocates my feelings, I lose interest. I have abandoned God during the subsequent years. I allowed myself to experience sex, kissing girls, going on dates with non christian women and basically living the adolescence that I didn't have during me teenage years. However, it's too much to bear. Being a Christian was my whole identity. I don't know who I am anymore and when I tried being in a relationship it was hell. I became so insecure, jealous and possessive. When I have a relationship, it's like I am waiting for it to fall apart. For me to discover that I am being cheated on or something. Looking for signs that the love is over. Am I suffering from PTSD? Can this horrifying break up be considered a traumatic event? I don't want to say that it is a traumatic event when I look around me and I see so many others horrifying experiences of tragedy. At the same time, if it is PTSD, I need help. I want to have a normal life. I want to love again. I want to move on and hope again for a better future. If you read till here, I appreciate it. Thanks guys",3 "I remember last year on this date we went to the tree lighting downtown. I was so excited to spend such a great experience with him. It was his idea to go and that made me happy because usually I was the adventurous one. Of course we were a bit late because timing was always an issue with him. When we got there we had to find a spot to park. Most parking places downtown you have to pay for. I didn't mind because I had some cash on me so I was fine with paying for it due to earlier that day he spotted me some cash to get a lunch on my break because I didn't have it at the time. I told him that we'd call it even if I paid for the parking spot (I am very stern about giving money back that I owe as soon as possible and I didn't want him to think that I wouldn't). He got very upset with me about that. Telling me that I was being rude even though that wasn't the case I just wanted to remind him that I didn't forget even if he told me not to worry about it. All I remember from there is him talking down to me all the way to the tent area where the tree lighting was. He told me that I always ruin a good night and this is why he doesn't want to do anything with me. I was so confused on his reaction. We got to the tents and I couldn't fight back the tears. Seeing everyone so happy with one another and having a good time, there I was in a room full of people feeling so lonely and defeated. I told him I wanted to go home, that I wasn't up for being social. On the way back to the parking lot there was a bar on the corner. Of course his solution to anything was to get a drink (or 2 or 5). He told me that he wasn't going to let me ruin all of his night. Obviously we rode together so I followed him into the bar. He ordered us both a beer, which was nice, but we sat there with him not saying anything to me. I tried to talk to him but all I could do was cry because I had no idea why things escalated the way they did. I mean yes I could have just not said anything about calling it even on the money but at the same time my mindset was that I didn't want him to think that I didn't care or that I forgot about him doing me a favor earlier that day (he had a pattern of throwing the things he did for me in my face). Still he gave no second thought to how he was being towards me. The scene at the bar was what he paid the most attention to. At that point I only had so much energy left to give & I chose to use it towards making the rest of the night a better one. I sacrificed myself and told him I was sorry that I ruined his night and that I wanted to enjoy the time that we had together. I knew that it was a messed up situation but all I could do was think about how much I just wanted to have a good night with him, even if that meant sacrificing my sanity. So the rest of the night we spent walking around downtown, doing my best to please him. I still felt so alone as I looked at the happiness in people's eyes when they were together. Just seeing how some couples looked at eachother. All I wanted was for him to look at me like that, like I was the brightest light in his life that night. Looking back I realize that it was all an illusion and now i'm the brightest light in my own life again.",3 "a month before I was diagnosed (April of this year) I had a really gnarly depressive / flashback / everything-is-terrible episode. it's now July and I'm just now feeling good enough reliably enough to get my life back together. I'm really frustrated! I like to think of myself as a decently organized person, but man. my room was rough. I'll be okay, and I have good supports, but it's still kinda frustrating to be in this place at this time.",3 "Okay. I feel like I have so much to say. But basically, I have been on 20mg of lexapro since June and moved from my home state for school. Due to this move, My regular psychiatrist is not able to prescribe to me out of state and has suggested I find someone new ASAP. However, I am in a place where there are limited psychiatrists and a lot of them either don't accept my insurance or are booked up 4-5 weeks out. Due to this problem, I have been unable to get my meds for like a a little over a week. I stopped cold turkey and thought I would be okay but omg I don't even recognize myself. I have hand tremors and stomach aches and awful headaches like I did prior to starting medication. And every minor inconvenience makes me openly sob as if someone killed my dog lol. I just cannot express how severly unwell and out of body I feel. My vision is super flat and I feel like I have a flu and my heart beats irrationally fast when I have to go to class or engage in social situtations. I want my life back.",2 "This is gonna be more of a rant - if my mad ramblings assume any shape at all - so I apologize in advance for the poor readability. I respect those who live with this condition and enjoy it, but my ADHD has felt like the bane of my existence ever since I've been young. My hyperactivity made me a difficult child in both kindergarten and school, unpopular with the teachers as well as other students. I love academics, I adore the idea of learning and studying abstract concepts, old history or whatever, but, I can't. I don't experience hyperfocus, my brain feels like a constant buzz that makes it so tiring for me to do any kind of studying, even stuff I enjoy. Well, and there's of course the things I don't enjoy: my brain shuts completely down, and every time I feel like I'm wrangling a zoo in my head trying to read a single paragraph. I experience rejection and failure much more intensely, which is why I barely get into any of the hobbies I'd like to get into, I'm too scared to fail, so I don't. And usually I'm too distracted to practice most skills anyhow. Now why is this going to kill me? Well, my life has felt like a one way trip deeper into normal society, a place I don't feel like I fit in, and a place I can't really function in. My entire life it feels like the pressure been building because I can't keep up and I feel like one day I'm gonna snap like a dry twig and do something stupid. Anyway, sorry for the rant, I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel like my brain is fried and I can't do anything about it.",0 "I've felt horrible the last couple of months. I have lost interest in everything but hanging out with friends, but I think I may be using them as a coping mechanism. I've tried looking for answers on the internet but everything I find says that I must feel horrible for two years and that I must desire self-harm, both of which is not true but the rest of the symptoms are. I also found something about non-suicidal depression but it has a lot of medical jargon that I don't understand. I just want to know if I should seek professional help to get an actual diagnosis or if I'm just abnormally sad, I really don't want to jump to conclusions and I think that the most reliable source are people with actual experience with the disorder. And I am also diagnosed with ADHD, I found that us neurodivergents are more prone to have co-existing disorders, but I don't know how much it actually matters. Sorry for bad English/writing, I'm shit at writing even in my first language.",2 "A while back I realised I have OCD and especially round the existential theme. I have used acceptance and disputing irrational beliefs to get over these previously however recently I watched Sam Harris speak about Free Will and this has absolutely shook me to my core. I can’t seem to accept this concept as every time I try to do so I get a niggling thought that says - ( you don’t have a choice wether to accept it or not anyway) and I feel so stuck in this cycle. I feel so confused when I come to the realisation that I couldn’t have done anything different in the past. For example I didn’t choose to go to the gym today, at the time it really seemed like I had the choice to go or not to go, it really seemed that way, but then it all variables were the same in that exact same scenario I wouldn’t of went to the gym 100 times/100 (at least that’s what most people are in favour of) this seems so weird to me as this completely eliminates moral responsibility for anything if you couldn’t of done anything different? For example if I decide to go out and rob a store then I’m not responsible because I couldn’t of done anything else? Surely this isn’t correct (that’s what my intuition tells me) but my rational mind agrees with Sam somewhat and I struggle to find a flaw in his argument. If nothing is free then Am I nothing but a conscious observer to my brains impulses and my environment? Where does discipline and effort come in in this? Surely resisting impulse to do something hard like running is an example of exerting your will. But then they even argue your effort levels on a given day are out of your control. I understand effort and discipline are still important to reach your goals however if Harris is right, its out of your control when and how you use them. Anyway, this has left me completely obsessing over this and trying to find free will constantly for days, I’m barely eating or doing anything productive, my dreams are vivid and it’s making me so depressed. Can anyone help me with any advice at all or show me if I’m missing something. Or recommend any really good OCD specialists I can deal with.",1 "Hello, (18F) I'd like to know if is it possible to get ocd after an stressful experience. I come from a broken home, I went through family abuse and domestic violence when I was younger, I was extremely depressed and anxious daily for over 3 years until I left that home with my mom and siblings since my dad was crazy. He made me go through hell and. I want to point out that my dad was an schizophrenic when younger, so does that have anything to do with my mental illness too? I had ocd since 15, almost took my life, I thought I was a monster for having harm ocd and pocd. But I'm seeing that it wasn't my fault.",1 "So as a teen, I would sleep walk, scream in my sleep, have night terrors, and sometimes barricade the door in my sleep. I would literally wake up the next day and have no memory of moving furniture. As you could imagine, I did not like slumber parties because I worried my friends would think I was weird. Even on a good day, I was at risk of talking in my sleep, or sleeping with my eyes open. Embarrassing!! Anyways, most of my sleep symptoms have died down now that I’m an adult. I do sometimes have night terrors. But I went on a girls trip last weekend, and they asked me if I normally slept with my eyes open. I thought I was over that habit :( This seems like it could be a PTSD thing, but also I didn’t find much on google. Does anyone else with PTSD sleep with their eyes open?",3 How often do your thoughts change? Mine seem to be more often than normal?,1 "First of all: I am diagnosed with ADHD and Depression, currently medicated for both. So honestly, I never had the feeling that I'm incredibly smart or anything like that, but one thing that I've noticed over the span of the last \~ 4 years is that I increasingly started to feel like.. I'm actually really dumb. The situation in which this affects me the most is meeting friends or dating. What actually made me decide to create this post was something that happened yesterday. ~~Short~~ storytime: So I'm seeing my friend, who I once dated but after three dates she got together with her ex again. Since I genuinely thought we get along well and could be great friends as well I ""accepted"" her wish that we should stay friends and meet again. Fast forward 2 months to yesterday: We met again, this time not in form of a date but just hanging out, having some sushi. Okay, so unfortunately her dad died a few weeks ago. I wasn't sure how much or if I should talk about this but she brough it up herself at some point so we talked a little about it. Alright. So throughout the time we spent I noticed that she mentioned at least 4-5 times that candy makes her think of getting diabetes, she didn't want to eat her icecream and when we went to a store to buy some food she also brought up that she's scared of getting diabetes when I asked her what kind of candy she likes etc. Honestly at first I thought nothing much about it, since people sometimes joke about how some type of food ""gives you diabetes"". I just thought she's joking at that point... I even bought a bunch of candy myself which she tried to stop me from doing but I again thought she's just joking... Alright, so I'm driving her home and during the drive she once again, brings up diabetes when we talk about some food. That's when I FINALLY realize that there has to be some reason for her talking so much about that. So I ask her: ""Has there been anyone in your family who has diabetes?"". Her response: ""Uhm, yeah. Diabetes is why my dad died."" In that moment I genuinely wasn't sure whether she had mentioned that before or not, but I could not remember her saying the cause of her dads death.. So I ask her ""Wait, I'm so sorry - did you tell me that?"" - she did. 2 hours earlier while we ate Sushi. These things are what I honestly hate most about having ADHD - in case ADHD is what causes this. My assumption is that I zoned out the moment she mentioned it, obviously not intentionally. There's this common saying that if someone doesn't remember things like that they probably just don't care. But trust me OF COURSE I care about that. I honestly scares me that things like this happen. I'm used to being forgetful and having to write a ton of things down, but I don't know what to do about this. That wasn't the only thing. At some point she told me that the back of her foot is inflamed / sore because of her new shoes and she wanted to buy some of those gel stickers you put in the spots where the shoes are tight, but she couldn't buy it that day because pharmacies were closed. Now - in retrospect - I'm thinking that I should have told her that there's always a few emergency pharmacies that are open 24/7, and offered her to drive there and buy some of those things. But in that moment my brain apparently was not capable of having that thought. Also, later when we went to that supermarket I could have checked the section where they have band aids to see if they sell something like it, but again, my brain did not even think of that for one second in that moment. This is just one meetup with a friend but honestly pretty much every time I meet a friend similar things happen. For example if I bring something that I want to gift them, there's a very high chance I completely forget about that thing being in my backpack and simply coming back home with it. A few weeks ago I went on a date with a girl from Tinder. She's super into photography and brought her camera with her to our date, she wanted me to help her take some photos. So at some point she gave me her camera and told me to just take photos of ""what I like"". So I took a few (pretty bad) pictures of our surrounding that I thought might look cool - but - (it hurts to even think about this) - I did not think about taking a picture of HER. Despite her having many portraits and pics of herself on her IG account, which I complimented her about before. Also, as soon as I come home I get on my computer and write down things that they told me because I'm scared of forgetting it otherwise. So to conclude, I don't know if it's ADHD that is responsible for this. Sometimes I think I'm simply really really dumb. Either way, it's incredibly frustrating. Sorry for this essay. In case anyone actually read this, thank you.",0 "This is my first post, so sorry if I tagged it wrong or if I violated a rule. ​ I'm searching for other people like me who's ocd is tied to the superstitious concept of bad luck numbers and ""evil"" times on the clock. I hate discussing it with my family and therapists right now because I feel so stupid and crazy trying to explain it. It affects numbers like 13, 31, 14, 17, 4, 9, 6, 666, 27, 42, 47, 21, (""bad numbers"")777, 8, 10, 100, 7, 1, 88, (""good numbers""), etc. ​ It varies in how it affects me. If I'm trying to draw, it makes me check the clock to make sure it's not a ""bad time""(like 4:00, anytime the clock says :13/:04/ etc), or else I will have to start over my work and completely destroy the original, or else risk getting ""cursed"". Sometimes ill even completely destroy a completely finished work!!! My ocd will make me paranoid about if I wake up at a ""cursed"" time, (meaning that my day will be ruined by something or its a bad time to start a new hobby/activity like studying, buying a game, etc, but this also happens if I wake up at an ok time but try to do something at say, 4pm, 13:00, etc). I'm not allowed to have 4 tabs open on my computer or phone, I can't put the tv volume at 13, I can't have 666 points in a game so I have to tryhard to get more or intentionally fail, I have to buy 7 of each item in a game, I must look at the 8th picture in a book before I close it, etc. ​ Discussing it with my grandparents usually ends with them saying to ""just fight it"" or insisting to me that it's not real, or it can't hurt you if you don't think about it and give it power, yada yada. But that's just it, I know it's illogical, nonsensical, etc, but my mind always throws in a ""just in case"" scenario that screws me over. It's getting fucking horrible, and I don't know how to control it. Please help.",1 "TW- r*pe and death threats A few years ago, someone I was living with was threatening to kill me for months. This combined with a few other events led to my PTSD. Now, I saw someone who posted a TikTok with a picture of him saying he raped her. I’m freaking out. I really was healing, and I feel like I’ve completely backpedaled. I feel like I deserve to feel this way. I feel like I might as well have done it. My friend and therapist say that this isn’t true, that I did everything to try to not have this happen again. But I still feel awful. And then I started watching Glee (don’t judge lmao) and the episode where Kurts life was threatened came up. Everything just feels like it’s spinning out of control. Does anyone else know what this is feels like?",3 They weave in and out of each other so closely it’s hard to know what is real anymore. I am in incredible pain and it’s almost impossible to do anything besides rile around in my thoughts. Does anyone have any advice on dealing with past events/false memories?,1 " I've always had a 'foreign' accent (having never left home country), though I only noticed when other people started pointing it out to me (some in meaner ways than others lol). When I was younger it would really bother me, even tried to change the way I talked but didn't make much of a difference. I also never caught on to most slang people use in my country, especially people my age. At this point I accepted I sound weird to other people and understand they're gonna be curious about my accent. But I realized that when I get nervous I straight up don't sound like a native speaker of my Native Language, like I know so many words but the moment I open my mouth I sound like I used a bad translation app, tried to memorize the translation, and forgot how to pronounce the words. It doesn't make me look very smart and honestly feels unnatural, like trying to speak a language through random phrases without understanding how the grammar works :(",3 "I am in one of those moods today that I can’t be bothered with anybody but then I can’t stop that feeling of needing human connection It stems from the fact that I know I have to face things in life on my own because I am a lone wolf and if I don’t have the strength then I will be fucked I have work later and I just literally want to be on my own… hate this feeling of the pre work depressies",2 "Are you sent a paper prescription or your medication delivered? I’m with ADHD-360 and they use this rubbish courier service to deliver medication. The courier only lets you know on the day that they are delivering, give you a big time frame of when it might be delivered, and they don’t have tracking capabilities. When I received my first order it arrived damaged, then the second and third time they came at 7am (when I was asleep) and 5pm (when I was not at home). Does anyone else find this process extremely difficult? ADHD-360 are being less than helpful and refusing to send a paper prescription unless I pay £10 each time. Their reasoning is that it’s a “hassle” for clinicians to go to the post office and that when they used to send paper prescriptions via Royal Mail recorded signed delivery, there would be “lost” prescriptions. Its really annoying me that they can’t be accommodating for ADHD patients). The service they offer is a huge inconvenience…",0 "Dear xxxxxxxxxx, My name is xxxxxxxxx, and I've been your neighbour at number xx since late 20xx. This introduction has been a long time coming, and I hope by the end you will understand why. It is not the happiest of stories, so I perfectly understand if you prefer not to take it on, or if you have no response. Indeed, it's quite likely that I'm sharing far too much to people who know me not at all, but after almost xxxxx years of silence (along with a whole lot of other instances of ""it's been far too long"" in my life, and other health issues starting to raise their heads) I am currently undergoing a period of perhaps-oversharing with certain people in and around my life, because one never knows for how long the opportunity will still exist to have one's say and perhaps have a positive influence upon the world or future generations. I (and to a slightly lesser extent, my wonderful partner xxxxxxxx) live with a mental health condition known as high-functioning Asperger Syndrome. A combination of unusual nature + nurture, the results of which sometimes end up as permanent isolation from society. An awkwardness in social interactions, the cumulative results of which, over several decades, has led us to be very alone in life and without most of the foundational structures which most people take for granted. Friends, extended family, children, lasting careers, to name a few. We fill those gaps however we can - our closeness with our cats, for example - and it's hard. I just want you all to know that behind the silence and seclusion and messy section, there is a decent (sometimes even intelligent! - when I'm not being a complete idiot, that is - haha) person who cares and would do anything to help his neighbours if the need should ever arise, for any reason. Even if the ordinary day-to-day socialities are often beyond me - I certainly could not say any of this verbally to your faces, for example! can barely say Hello, some of the time! - that foundation of caring and goodwill does exist. And even if you need to put your questions or concerns in our letterbox in writing like I am having to do now, that's perfectly fine of course. That probably covers it for now. I did not want you to have the wrong impression of who and what we are, which I understand would be all too easy given how we must appear from the outside. And the brief conversation I had with yourself some months back, Mr xxxxxxxx, in which you generously shared a few of your own current happenings, stuck with me and made me realise that, in our own ways, we are all going through some kind of 'crisis' or hardship, and that the least we can do is be aware and enable a mutual care and understanding going forward. I know this is a bit of an unexpected, sustained blast of information and outpouring, and I'm sorry if any of it was not appropriate. I certainly do not ""expect"" reciprocity in the same vein, so please do not feel any pressure in that regard, if you do not want to. As I said, a few things are coming to a head with us, and it was a bit of a now-or-never situation; at least, now you know, and I've had my say, and finally (and at great length, in case you didn't notice, haha) introduced myself as your neighbour. Yours very sincerely, xxxxxxxxxxxx",3 "Trying to study but.. suddenly, I remembered that I don't like how I look in certain clothes. I recognize it is important because I notice strangers treat me better now than compared to the past when I had a different dressing style. Gosh.. now, I want to stop using certain clothes I have. Wondering what the right choice is. But I blame all this on how society is. Everyone else is so fickle. They care a great deal about how others look and apparently, they say (online) it is somehow easier to be nice to a more physically attractive people. I hate everyone. I feel angry. If there is a being that I could release my anger and blame for how society is, I would choke them. I know it's sick, but I want them to feel the pain and fear I have felt. Society is just scary. I wish I could live in a cabin in the woods and not care about stupid stuff like how clothes look or how my hair looks. But no, I have to live here bc that's just how life works :(",2 i am 17 and i have no future. there is no denying that i am a burden to everyone around me and i would rather commit suicide than have them watch my life go nowhere or get worse. i already feel like an empty shell of a human so there is nothing stopping me except the fear of pain. i’ve looked for help elsewhere but didn’t get much so i’m hoping i can get something out of this.,2 I am 14 I think i have depression I told my mom about it like 2 weeks ago and she has only brought it up around 3 times and just kinda forgot about it I think because I keep lying and saying I’m fine but I’m really not it’s been 3.5 years I’ve felt like this the past few months I’ve been having suicidal and self harm thoughts multiple times throughout the day almost everyday. I have a checkup coming soon and I want to get screened for depression anyone have any advice on how I can bring it up?,2 "I never considered the possibility that I could have ADHD. My brother was suspected of having ADHD, but my parents never completed the testing process for him. It made sense that he had it, because he could never focus at school, was always blurting out random stuff during group discussions, and could never sit still. I never disrupted class like he did, so no one ever suspected that there might be something different about me. ​ Fast forward to 2021, and I am working in a medical setting. I am incredibly stressed out because I am terrified of making a critical mistake due to carelessness. I am expected to learn my tasks on the job. I can never remember how to do anything. I constantly forget to do things that my coworkers ask me to do. After a few months of this, I was let go from my job. ​ I was incredibly frustrated with myself. I tried my absolute hardest, yet I still crashed and burned. I decided to give up on that job and just try to get a regular minimum wage job at a store. I ended up watching a show on Netflix in my spare time. It had a character who was always forgetting stuff and was super disorganized. I really identified with some of the struggles she had. I eventually learned about a fan theory that she has ADHD. It inspired me to search up ADHD. I came across the official list of ADHD symptoms on a government website. I identified with some of the symptoms, but not enough to really consider talking to a doctor about it. ​ Then I came across this subreddit. As I read more and more stories, I realized that I find a lot of the same struggles in my life. ​ Here is a list of my struggles: 1. Constantly forgot to do tasks at work that people asked me to do. 2. Frequently forgot certain critical steps at work. 3. Constantly forgetting to do stuff that my mom asks me to do. 4. I feel that if I don’t do a task now, then I will end up forgetting about it. 5. I am bad at prioritizing tasks. 6. I sometimes eat when I am bored. I find that I can focus better after eating for a while, even though I wasn't hungry. 7. I often fidget. Not to calm myself down, though. I think it might help make me less bored when doing boring things. 8. When I was a kid, I hated watching movies where people were just talking. I wanted to watch action movies. Even now, I often skip the parts of tv shows where people are talking about relationships and other stuff. Its sooooo boring! 9. I get super bored and sometimes zone out when people talk about typical stuff like going on hikes and getting coupons. My family members often get annoyed at me when I zone out when they talk to me. I can't help it. Everything they talk about is so boring to me. 10. I have a hard time controlling my anger. I don’t get angry very often, but when I do, I get super mad. I often punch the air, can’t focus, act illogically. I will be on a short fuse unless I can be alone and rest for a bit, or eat candy. 11. I am bad at time management. Many times, I am barely on time. 12. Walking, running, or using a stationary bike are so boring! For most of my life, I hated exercising. Even now, the only way I can get myself to excersize for a decent length of time is to think about scenes from my favourite tv shows. 13. I have sometimes forgotten to bring stuff with me. Grade 6 and 8, I left my jacket at the playground. I forgot my jacket in class 2 or 3 times in grade 11. I’ve left my lunch in my backpack for so long before that it gets rotten. This happened so many times. Until grade 6, my notes, desk, and binder were always so messy. Until a year ago, I would just stuff all my junk in my closet and would rarely clean it out. Sometimes, I find it hard to focus when there are visual distractions and lots of noises. 14. I’ve bought many things that I quickly get bored of: clothes, toys, etc. 15. I’ve done many stupid/ risky things because I couldn’t resist the temptation. 16. I often miss what people say to me. I have to ask them to repeat themselves. 17. I would zone out in class a lot from grade 1 - 6. I was just so bored. I often would read a book, eat, or go to the bathroom so I could play Plants vs Zombies on my Nintendo DS. ​ So now I'm really confused. I want to talk to a doctor about my problems, but I am worried that I am making a big deal out of nothing. ​ TL:DR - My brother probaly has ADHD. I did decent in school, but I identify with many struggles that people with ADHD have. BTW, I got tested for Aspergers, and I do indeed have it.",0 "I'm in tech sales — accidentally. I'm a software engineer who took a job with a FAANG company, not entirely realizing at the time that the job is like 90% sales. I find the constant masking soul-sucking. The small talk. The conversations about the weather. The ""you need to have empathy"" and ""relationship building"" spiels from management which are rather inactionable for me. I've been at this just over a year and I don't know how much longer I can do this. I am told I'm outstanding at my job, but that's probably because I'm outstanding at acting. Can anyone else relate, or am I an anomaly?",3 "In class or when watching most things, I get really focused when a lot of people on this sub can't really struggle with it. I have every other symptom, like figeting, procrastination, insane forgetfulness, cant pay attention to small details and make loads of small errors, brain fog... However, when it comes to online class, I cant pay attention for more than a couple minutes. I just can't. Is it possible to just not have that symptom and still have ADHD and is there someone here who was in a similar boat.",0 "wow I really do these two things which weirdly parallel another: 1. make something (usually but not always out of left field for what I usually make) that I'm proud of but I keep it a secret and tell Nobody. 2. tell people I'm making something Huge but don't actually work on it or finish it. WAIT WHAT IF IT'S BECAUSE OF: ""don't surprise people."" ?!?!? I believe I never finish anything so I don't? but when I do make something I don't want people to potentially reject and have their opinion of me changed because I'm terrified of expectations placed on me in ANY way. but yknow what I can do? Uphold the status quo of how I view myself, yeah that maintains a semblance of control and stability that continuously gets ripped from me mentally!!!! :'D So does, uh, literally anyone relate to this. I think it does involve ADHD to some degree.. can't articulate why though. Imposter Syndrome, expectations, rejection sensitivity?",0 "When I have a song stuck in my head, I tap it out with my fingers against my thumb, like my fingers are playing piano (pointer finger for lower notes, pinky for higher notes, etc). I know finger tapping is a stim sometimes, but I ONLY do it with music going through my head. It is a bit relaxing I guess, and I would have to focus a lot to avoid doing it. Like I find myself doing it at work and hope no one notices it.",3 "Ok so I have Transgender OCD (I hope) and i spiked when I heard my parents talking about transgenders saying “Kids should only be 21 years old in order for a sex change” meaning they were accepting for transgenders and I got worried like “if I’m trans they can accept me” I got scared as fuck, I was overthinking, scared, thinking I was gonna be transgender and that people are gonna accept me for being transgender and that’s gonna motivate me for being trans, I’m fucking putting knots around my head. I’m doubting that I like being a guy now it’s fucking nuts.",1 "Hi y'all! I've been living with OCD for most of my life, but I generally avoid researching my own disorder or engaging with other folks with OCD. Not out of any particular denial of my health or malice towards other sufferers, just that engaging with/being meta about my own health tends to lead me down bad spirals. Out of morbid curiosity though I decided to check out to see if Reddit had a community for OCD folks, and what it would be like. The thing that immediately strikes me about this community is the heavy discouragement of the idea of Reassurance. I think I understand the basic logic behind it (not 'feeding the beast' as it were), but at the same time the amount of restrictiveness to the slightest hint of reassurance kind of worries me as an outsider to this community. It strikes me as a very cold way of dealing with things, from my own anecdotal experience, some of my best progress in dealing with OCD has come from sucking up my pride and letting someone close comfort me when I'd usually let my problems stew silently in my head. So I'm mainly curious what you guys' take on the matter. What's the scholarly consensus on this type of behaviour and what do you each believe? Have l possibly dealing with my health in a maladaptive way? Could categorically avoiding reassurance cause OCD folks to be cold in their personal relationships??",1 "I know that people with Asperger's tend to think negatively. I was listening to this doctor on YouTube describing negativity and Asperger's. He gave the example that if someone with Asperger's experiences 10 different things in one day with 9 of those experiences being positive and one of those experiences being negative, the Aspie will be fixated on that one bad thing instead of appreciating the 9 good things. One bad experience will lead someone with Asperger's to think negatively and have irrational fears of something just as bad or worse happening in the future. I was wondering if any of you can relate to this. I know that I can. Whenever something goes wrong for me even when most things are going right for me, I get upset and frustrated when one thing goes wrong. I tend to start thinking negatively about life when one bad thing happens to me. I am aware that nobody and nothing in this world is perfect and that things don't always go right 100% of the time, but for some reason my brain can't accept that. I think a lot of it has to do with OCD and perfectionism. My brain won't accept something that isn't perfect and so when something is imperfect, that is usually when the negativity runs deep.",3 "Im honestly wondering where did human intelligence go ? Why is no one can think beyond what already here ? To create new ideas, new creations, new thoughts and innovations? To see bigger and do more as a civilization and to transform ideology?",3 "So I'm going to keep it (relatively) short. I'm so glad this subreddit is here. I feel significantly less alone. I started writing out a whole long post on how I have always struggled socially and always had the sense something was wrong. I don't know if I am autistic, but at this point in time (at 29) it feels like it's time to seek a diagnosis, and that is thanks to this subreddit and my recent research mostly. I keep getting super overwhelmed trying to think about writing something so I'm just going to write what I can. CW: abuse I was with my ex-fiancee for 7 years. She brought up several times that she thought I was autistic. But it was along the lines of ""stop being so autistic"" (literal words) whenever I was struggling. So I filed it in a box of ""well, no one's going to help me if I am, and people will never understand and just make fun"" as the person I trusted the most at that time was so mean and flippant about it. She always stroked my hair even though I told her it was too overwhelming and uncomfortable for me. Turned up her music way too loud when I couldn't cope. Complained that I spoke too monotone. Did not understand when I couldn't be intimate and made me feel shame for it and constantly criticised my masculinity. There was so much more but I think this is enough for now. I completely broke down after I split up with her, stopped being able to go to work and haven't been able to since. I have since found another partner who understands me a lot better and seems likely to be on the spectrum herself, which is what lead me to start looking into aspergers/autism again. I couldn't believe what I was reading on this subreddit and how much I related, I've only really looked at medical websites before so looking here was something else. Thanks for letting me vent.",3 "Where can I find support when I am supposed to be the understanding one, tolerant of the moods of most people but I can't can't tired, upset or emotionally drained? If you could share some support or advice it would be so greatly appreciated.",2 "Hello, I'm pretty new so here it goes. I am actually a Famous producer in the scene of Korea. I have had some addiction problems with perscriptions, but when I have to stay up for two days for producing. I feel restless and I am aftaid to even check my phone. I think all about these delusional thoughts that something wrong I have done happened and I continue to just stay in my jail cell which is my bed. Can anyone relate?",2 "Hi All, Happiness has been an issue my whole life, on paper my life is pretty good but I am still not entirely happy. If you are happy how did you achieve it?",3 "then I went into my college's dining hall after a very quiet and chill weeklong break spent inside. The place was unbelievably loud, so many people, my heart rate was like 3x the normal and I was shit scared the entire time for no reason. How tf did I even do this before",3 "Just had a panic attack spurred from an overwhelming cycle of rumination, it sucked so much, that feeling of being overwhelmed is hell. Like my brain cant keep up with all the emotions im feeling, it sucks! Im feeling better now, but im still overwhelmed. I found out that my friend im talking to was really into certain music artists cause i had seen they liked a few certain posts on insta, and i started to freak out inside cause I realized after all this time I hadnt talked about that with them, it felt like there was so much i didnt say to them, so much i wanted to say to them and ask about that i started worrying if I even had the time to!! They are really busy so we talk sparingly, but lately my brain has been fried with thoughts of stuff i want to talk about with them, movies, shows, music etc Ive been writing down a list and its so long, im overwhelmed, it also became existential when i realized like what if them really into some stuff that’ll scare me! And i wanted to learn more about that too, Idk just venting, OCD is insidious.",1 "So to make a long story short, I’m serving my conscription service and I’m sitting in the military psychiatrist’s office (for those who served know that any medical treatment in the military is trash) so I tell the guy my what’s bothering me, and what I told was that my life is constantly interrupted by ADHD, I’m impatient, I’m fidgeting a lot, I can’t stay focused at all, and smallest things distract me causing me to drop all of my hobbies and that leaves my life with lack of results and achievements. That’s why I feel depressed all the time. Idk whether he’s right or not to prescribe these drugs to me. But I feel like it’s better to take care of the bleeding first being the ADHD and then the wound being my depression. What do you guys and gals think?",0 "I have been medicated nearly my whole life for ADHD and have been using Adderall XR since I was in Undergrad (Vyvanse in Elementary-High School). I was Previously taking 20mg and everything was good, I was able to focus and had little to no brain fog but I did have some distractibility like living in my head and I had to use coffee to surmount some of these issues and that snapped me out of it. Because of this, I decided to ask for a dosage increase of 25mg which I started 4 days ago. So far, I am still able to accomplish my daily tasks, some minor issues falling asleep but still getting 7-8 hours. However, one thing I noticed is something that I can't quite put my finger on and it's hard to describe but it feels like it might be brain fog but visually? My thoughts are normal and not speeding around and I am able to memorize and recall things quickly but as I look around, things appear to be in focus but everything feels kind of ""off"", if that makes sense? As I have typed this, I feel like I can now accurately describe what's going on. It feels like I'm expending less effort and time than normal to be to able focus on things (but it's like I register what is there but without seeing it clearly), however, visually, things seem fuzzy as if I'm inside my head yet at the same time I am not in my head. I took some eyedrops and have been drinking water but my main concern is this apparent visual issue that makes me feel mentally as if i'm underwater. It's been a very long time since I had changed my dosage so I can't quite remember what getting used to it felt like, but does this sound normal? No other symptoms to describe but I'm hoping to hear if this is normal or not. ​ EDIT: Is this tunnel vision? Edit2: The feeling Is kind of ""Spacey"", is this an indicator of too high of a dose? I didn't quite feel this way on the 20mg.",0 "Is it common for people on the spectrum imagining or creating a fictional/unreal character's voice inside your head, like while reading manga or a novel for an example? While reading manga I can easily create the characters' voices and even animating the pictures into dynamic actions(like anime, I mean) inside my head. Also I was wondering does this condition have a name? or is this just vivid imagination?",3 "Even though we have covid we’re having a thanksgiving dinner. It’s about 10 people. My depression has been getting bad. Really not at my worst but will put a damper if I don’t fake a smile. I made progress with my ptsd over the years. I can be in a room with several people and feel ok. One of my traumas happened on New Year’s Eve. Holidays come up with bad memories. Pile on top my ocd and I’ve been having insomnia wearing me out. I have migraines that destroys my body. I’m usually happy and bubbly when my mind isn’t taking over. I have a good time and am happy and appreciative of togetherness. But I feel like I’m being expected to behave that way even if I don’t feel it. I’m a fun aunt who’s really interactive with the kids but my energy is down. When I’m playing with them lately my mind drifts and I just want to be alone. Tomorrow’s gonna be rough. I’m dreading it and hoping I can just get through the day without ruining anyone else’s day.",3 "I don't know what to do. Everyday it's a fucking struggle. I want to kill myself so much but I can't find a way to do it. I'm scared of the fact that I don't know whats after death but I really know the fact that it ends all the emotional pain. For context I'm 17 and I've been dealing with depression, Dpdr and anxiety for over 4 years. This year my grandpa, basically my father figure, passed away and my grandma, also part of my mother figure, got diagnosed with cancer and it's taking her away. My girlfriend left me. One of the few people that made me feel special, friends have dissappeared out of my life and people who said that they would be there in your worst are nowhere to be seen. I try believing in God but sometimes it's just too much and I ask, ""Why?"". My dad even though I try explaining him how much it hurts what I'm going through he always compares it to himself. I went to a mental hospital for a week a couple months ago cause I tried to take my life away, honestly thought it would get better but it seems to get worse. Everyday waking up to see myself growing into this person without motivation for anything is depressing. My mom and my brother; I don't seem to see how they appreciate how hard I'm trying everysingle day. Yes, I'm on medication. I stay quiet about all my problems because in the end you affect the others and then the hardest part is they blame you on their trauma. This is too much pain. I'm so sorry if it's a lot I wrote. In case anyone wants to talk you can dm me if you want.",2 " i’ve been on prozac for my ocd for a while now, currently on 60 m.g. i feel as if my dreams is over active due to my ocd, or that i potentially have another condition like adhd. i digress, my brain is active 24/7 if feels like, even at night which is why i often feel untested even after a night of full sleep. i’ve always had weird dreams since being on prozac… weird, to scary, to just nonsensical. recently i’ve been having this following theme of a dream (as described to my friend)… “i feel like when most people think of scary they think like oh clowns or someone chased me etc etc or i got kidnapped, but no. i have dreams scary in the sense of like nuclear destruction… i have a recurring dream of bombs hitting the ground and the sound being so piercing and horrying.. and feeling the vibrations shake through my body. just being so tense and nervous for the next one to drop and rattle my bones and make me shiver “ this is quite literally how some of my recent dreams make me feel, and they are SO realistic. they’re probably just prozac dreams but they seem so odd… i wonder if they’re related to my ocd in anyway, perhaps it’s a subconscious fear of mine.",1 "As the end result of everything approaches, I feel like my panic attacks, flashbacks, anxiety, bad dreams, etc are getting so much worse. I’m feeling afraid of everything, and also guilty but haven’t done anything in the situation other than report and secluded myself. Has anyone else struggled with this? If so, would you mind sharing what helped? I’m on medication and have a therapist (off til Jan now), situation will be over mid January, but I just don’t feel better. I actually feel worse.",3 "I'm well into the recovery process for rOCD, and one of the themes that seems most difficult a hurdle to jump over is one in which I question/doubt mine and my partner's intellectual compatibility. My fiancee is a nurse and a damn talented, motivated, hard-working person. She's practically minded and has lots of common sense. Me, I love to read, write, and think. I'm also a teacher, so those activities are kind of my life's blood. I'm also a bit of an idiot when it comes to common sense. Sometimes, however, my OCD latches onto things she doesn't know or things she doesn't do and I obsess, thinking ""how didn't she know that?"" or ""how does she not do this same activity I do?"" I'm really just curious if anyone else has experience with this particular theme and how you have been able to reconcile it in your mind? What scripts have you used? What ERP related mantras have you repeated to yourself? Thanks!",1 Do you? Do lots of people? Is it rare? Is it an autism thing?,3 "So I’ve been trying to make friends and I’m 40 😂 I’ve not enjoyed socialising as it hard for me to be interested in small talk. I’ve waited for my tribe to happen but I live in an area of few residents. My interests are niche. I’ve recently tried to integrate myself into a group of females similar age. I find one on ones with ppl so much easier then group. I’ve noticed I’m picked on in the group setting. They tease me (not nicely) and they do not do this to each other. I guess I’m at the bottom of their weird hierarchy, probably as I’m not desperate to be in the group. Some of the group are appointed “leader”, arrangers”, “yes men” and the “gossip”. It’s like they all have a specific role. Annoyingly they are lovely as individuals but awful bullies as a group. Career wise I’m successful(due to ADHD) and very happy about my life so sometimes the feeling of jealousy comes across. I never talk about my achievements as one time I got a new car (they noticed) they were very rude about me having too many cars, only being interested in money (work is my hyper-fixation) I’ve stopped going to activities where it’s a group but sadly with birthday parties etc etc there are continuous meet-up invites. Is this hierarchy normal ? They keep asking me to events but I hate the feeling of hanging out as a group. I do not mind being friendless but my partner thought it be good for me to have a group of friends but quite frankly it’s making me feel quite depressed.",0 "posted this in r/SuicideWatch but my suicidal urges r worse tonight and i have nobody 2 talk 2. i just wanna talk 2 somebody, anybody, so i can distract myself from these feelings 4 a little bit",2 "Is it just me or is it kind of upsetting when it seems you made a comment in a group and it was ignored by everyone? I say things to get a reaction or comment back, if I didn’t care about that I’d just leave it to thought. I tend to make sure this doesn’t happen to other people but now I’m wondering if I have done this to other people without knowing. I’m sure everyone in the group I was with earlier gets along with me, but now I’m thinking about that comment I made and wondering if it was dumb.",3 "This week has been so rough on me and I can’t seem to pull myself out of this depressive state. I have been in quarantine this past week due to an exposure (I have had no symptoms and I am awaiting test results). This was already hard on me knowing that I will be alone for thanksgiving when I’m usually surrounded by family. Thursday was a fog for me. I barely made it out of bed due to lack of motivation. Now today I woke up and noticed something different about my car when I looked outside. The plates on my car were stolen. It feels like I’m underwater and no matter how much I try to find the surface, there is more water to swim through. I don’t know how much longer I can keep fighting.",2 "PTSD has taken so much more from me than I ever thought it could. Every day I discover new things that have been ruined/fucked by my ptsd and I am so fucking exhausted and angry. I didn't ask for this shit. I get unfairly penalized at work for stuff that I cannot control. My rapist had no consequences for what he did, and at the end of the day he ruined my life. I am so fucking tired of this shit. I just want to be better. If anyone has advice on how to get out of this rut I would appreciate it. I cannot live like this forever.",3 "I need to know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. After years of taking a moderate dose of Vyvanse, my tolerance and dependence have become troublesome, leading to addictive behaviors that have only exacerbated the issue. For months I’ve been in the habit of doubling my doses on days I need to be productive and skipping other days altogether (due to limited supply). It’s gotten to the point where even doubling my doses is ineffective in producing the desired result, and I recognize the problem this has created. Attempts to regulate my intake of medication fails, because of the crippling anhedonia and lack of motivation I face when the meds are ineffective. If I have access to my supply, I will always choose to take an additional dose. If I continue like this, things will only become more problematic. I’m going to begin tapering my dose and implementing med vacations just as I used to, but I need to know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. If you’ve attempted to reduce/come off stimulants, how long did the severe anhedonia last for you? Coping with the anhedonia, lack of energy and motivation is my greatest obstacle.",0 "Ever since I was little, I was pretty self aware, and I knew that I had ADHD. So I told my mom, when I was about 4 or 5, that I thought I had ADHD, and she immediately shot it down, and it kind of felt like she shamed me, because she had brushed it off so quickly. Ever since then I've had a hard time trusting anyone who I know wouldn't lie to me. Also, ever since I was young, whenever I would yawn, or stretch, my brother (who also has ADHD) would jab me in the stomach, or other upper body part. Now, whenever I stretch my brain makes me brace myself. Also I can't fully yawn anymore, because my brain is expecting to be jabbed. Any help, or tips? I'm sorry for bugging you, if I wasted your time",0 "I have a 17 years old boy with Asperger just diagnosed, he started high school and have to take 2 buses and yesterday was the first day he had anxiety attack, i told a classmate Girl to help him but she didnt he just follow her as fast as he could, i feel so desparated he likes school but is stress out to take busses or ask to people because he cant comunícate o socialice with others Im just so down, and this Girl was 2 years ago in his old school and found out she bullied him at that time and she is doing the same now. Im sad.I called the school but they didnt give me and answer or what to do they are treating him like a regular student.",3 "I find myself always craving ""more"". Till recently, I though my perfectionism was only an issue with respect my job/work, but as of late I see how large a role it plays in the rest of my life. I find myself going through life not being able to enjoy myself/live in the moment. I feel like my brain is always thinking of alternatives of how the moment could be made ""better"". Thus, I'm never able to relax. In fact, holidays are usually really stressful because I want to do everything and nothing at the same time. Countless time is spent trying to figure out ""the best way"" to spend my time off.. Does anyone have any advice? I feel like I'm burning out, so I do need to find a way to just be at rest.",0 "hi so i was only diagnosed with ocd in 2019, and i…haven’t really been treated for it to say the least. i sometimes try to challenge my intrusive thoughts and compulsions, and see how long i can go without doing them cause i just want them to stop. this past week, however, doing this was a huge mistake. as i was leaving my friend’s house i noticed this cabinet that was slightly ajar, and i immediately started obsessing over it and my thoughts told me that i would die if it wasn’t fixed. i ignored it and decided to drive home, especially cause i try not to move or touch things or act on my compulsions in other people’s houses or with their belongings. as i was driving home, a car almost rammed me off the road, causing me to swerve and almost lose control. i had an anxiety attack and had to pull over but now i can’t stop thinking about how if i closed that cabinet i wouldn’t have almost died. i know it’s irrational and stupid but it’s severely impacting my ability to function. i can’t leave my house for hours because i have new compulsions and routines that i have to do so i don’t die. it’s exhausting and honestly really aggravating. idk what to do and it feels like it will just keep getting worse. any advice or experiences are welcome.",1 "Hi all, my name's Andrew Gold - I'm a journalist and documentary maker who suffered terribly with OCD. I am pitching a project for me to make with Louis Theroux's production company. And would like to interview somebody UK-based who is suffering - or suffered with - POCD. Please do get in touch if you'd be willing to be interviewed, or just want to hear more. Of course, any messages I receive will be treated with anonymity, unless you say otherwise. Thanks for your time, Andrew \-- Here's my reel by the way: [https://vimeo.com/136779896](https://vimeo.com/136779896)",1 "I’m just wondering about forms of stimming. Especially for those that have ASD. I tend to pace. today my phone said I walked 3.5 miles without leaving my house and I have gotten nothing done today. I also pick my skin, I have as long as I can remember. And I also press on my eyes so it looks like a kaleidoscope. Are these also typical of ASD? I am familiar with hand flapping and rocking.",3 "Is it just me who feels like they could see memories from the past with no identification with them at all? Like they’re all just flashing images without any meaning ? I know I experienced x,y,z but yet somehow I feel so detached from a sense of self I can’t even recall any feeling attached to a memory. Still I know it happened but it’s almost as if I don’t even see myself in them ...probably because I’m mentally dead at this point but still. Anyone else experience a disconnection from memories with depression? I’m so tired of having this shit.",2 "I used to be a super academic kid and got great grades. I worked in a fast paced trade before developing chronic pain and transitioning to office work. My ADHD and aspie tendencies have worsened significantly (esp since I experience autistic burnout last summer). I am on wellbutrin and adderall. My sleep is finally regulated. I eat well, don’t drink, etc. I feel like my concentration is all or nothing: I can hyperfocus for extended lengths, or not at all. Anything in between makes me feel fucking exhausted and disoriented. Small busy work KILLS ME. I fuck everything up and get headaches easily. I’m a shell of the worker I used to be and I don’t know what the fuck to do. Everything is so difficult. I take little breaks often but it’s embarrassing and I shouldn’t have to. I used to be able to work 12 hour shifts and study. Now I can’t fucking do the most mundane paper pushing shit. I just want to crawl into bed.",3 "I've never been able to tell anyone, including therapists, any details of my trauma. Every time I try the words get stuck and I just sit there until I give up. But, like... do you even need to? Is that important to the healing process? Or can I get away with never talking about it, like... ever?",3 "I’ve been trying so hard to stay strong and get through this on my own but I don’t think I can. I need help and I guess it’s good that I understand I need help. I’m a 16 year old straight girl and I have HOCD. During this summer I didn’t eat much. I wouldn’t say I had an eating disorder but I just didn’t eat like a normal person should. I remember the day before OCD hit me - I didn’t drink nor eat anything during the day, even after I went to the gym. I finally ate and drank at 9pm. A few hours after that I was watching a TV show and that’s when HOCD didn’t even knock on the door and just moved in. I started high school this year. I have no friends in my class. I had social anxiety before but it didn’t bother me as much as before. I feel like OCD hit me because I didn’t get any vitamins from eating and my stress levels are so high. I get intrusive thoughts basically every second if the day. From the moment I wake up until I fall asleep. Even with my own family members. For example my grandma put her hand on my shoulder and the OCD part of my brain created a sexual image of me and her, it’s disgusting. In the mornings - I’ve never thought “Fuck. I woke up.” But now I do, every single day for the past 2 and a half months. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’ve never been suicidal either, but now I really don’t care anymore. If I die I die. Before all of this I dreamed of having a boyfriend, maybe even a family one day, if I got lucky. Now I can’t even think of this anymore, because the intrusive thoughts say I don’t actually want that. Never in my life I have imagined myself with a woman. Never. Don’t get me wrong, I support the LGBTQ+ community, but it’s just not me. Just thinking about and having intrusive thoughts like this makes me so fucking uncomfortable. All the things I used to love before, OCD just has ripped them away. That’s also how I know I have it - it latches onto things you love and treasure the most. I can’t read books, hang out with my friends. I can’t be happy because the OCD just rips the feeling away from me. I’ve never in my life been this fucking miserable and I’m so tired of this shit. I used to get A’s and B’s in school, occasionally D’s also. Now I’m getting F’s or D’s. I can’t study anymore. The anxiety is eating my alive during tests and in school. My mum actually feels like there’s something going on - she was on a phone call with my dad a couple of days ago, saying how she feels like I have something else on my mind. And it’s true. I’m just scared to tell her. But what’s the worst thing that could happen? Me continually suffering or maybe my mum believes me and I actually could get help? But how am I supposed to tell her? I’m scared. What if she thinks I’m crazy? Making this all up? But maybe she actually could help me, get a therapist and stuff. I mean she’s my mum, she has always helped me. I just want my life back. I want to be excited about the stuff and people I love. I want to be happy. I want me, the real me back. Thank you if you read all of this. Tell me what to do, please.",1 "I almost ended it all tonight, then I thought of my mom crying and how destroyed my family would be. I can’t let the holidays be a reminder of why their son wasn’t strong enough. Im going to have to wait till after the New Years. I know it will destroy them, but they will recover. I know they love me and I love them but I don’t have the strength to keep going.",2 "I've been going in mental loops recently, where I function for a bit, get afraid of something (like job hunting or whatever), the anxiety builds up more and more until I'm unable to function at all. Now I'm wondering whether the unable to function part is because I'm being overstimulated by my emotions, because the anxiety itself may not be the direct cause of all the problems. So does this make sense? Can you be overloaded by your own feelings, not just things from outside your brain?",3 Basically the majority of my compulsions are if I touch something it has to be the right side of my body and a even number of times touched. Most of the time I don’t even think anything bad Is going to happen if I don’t I just don’t want it bothering me so I do it. The only time where I feel I have to do it is when entering my car I have to stop touching the ground with my right foot and touch the ground until I get a even number or I feel I might have bad luck and crash. But generally I have to be even and prefer my right hand/body,1 "And I feel I am not even aware of it… I am constantly distracting myself, keeping myself numb from reality. Tbh i don’t even live anymore, I am just passing my time. Slowly things have just gotten worse as time goes. I am in a deep breakdown since last 1 year. Covid isolation screwed me up big time. I am already a shy person, and lack of social things have just worsened my mental health. Add to that most of my close friends moved out from the city, so I am lonely af rightnow. I wasn’t always like this. I have a good degree and passed among the most difficult exams in my country with good marks. But due to covid shutdown all my adhd hacks/ systems collapsed. I don’t even remember things before covid properly. Its like I am slowly forgetting myself.",0 "I have now realized that my OCD is actually a coping mechanism to ""decontaminate"" myself of my trauma. Anything that they touch, or place in which they live or are associated with is ""contaminated"".   I never cared about dirt & germs, or anything outside of this house(I feel great when I go to the grocery store or appointment, et cetera), and even doctors and counselors have found this surprising.   I now know why. All of this makes sense now, after 4 years of OCD rituals. It is PTSD, with OCD as a tool to ""decontaminate"" myself from the trauma. I wonder if others suffer from this, thinking that they simply have OCD, when the cause is PTSD.   I created the [thread on wanting to throw all of my belongings away(including my drivers license) & move out of the state](https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/rdp695/my_ptsd_wants_me_to_throw_away_all_belongings/), thinking >if I bring a contaminated object(license) with me, then it will contaminate all of my new belongings & the new place I've moved to, and it will ruin everything and feel as if I never left in the first place but, logically, the physical object(my license), is easily clean after washing for a minute under the sink. This is trivial. It is physically clean & cannot contaminate anything as everything on it was washed away, down the drain.   My own human body is a far greater challenge to clean than a small plastic card, and yet my mind is warning me that this license will ""contaminate"" everything if I bring it. This is illogical. I now understand that the ""contamination"" is metaphysical. That object(my license) is ""contaminated"" with links to traumatic memories & emotions. It is a physical symbol of the trauma.   - My own body: challenging to clean, extremely ""contaminated"", physically & metaphysically, and cannot replace - A drivers license: easily cleaned, metaphysically ""contaminated"", but easily replaced   I now realize that it is only mental trauma/pain that I will suffer, because physically cleaning something does not wash away the metaphysical fact that the object is a trigger, as it would remind me of the trauma. It cannot physically contaminate a new place, or new belongings. It is simply a trigger, and I could dispose of it as soon as I obtain a new license, et cetera.   Could it metaphysically contaminate the new belongings & new place? I do not believe so, and if this were true, then it is a hopeless endeavor, as my body is far moreso ""contaminated"" and I must bring this wherever I go. I *feel* at least that objects seem metaphysically isolated, in that a triggering object cannot contaminate new objects and render them triggering. Has anyone experienced this? From my perspective, it seems unlikely, as it is so abstract by that point that you could just dismiss it as a silly worry and move on with your new life.",3 "Recently diagnosed with OCD, but I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. I went to therapy today and while describing something about my OCD my therapist threw out the idea of autism. The rational part of me knows that I’m not autistic. I am a social person. But the obsessive part of me took a bunch of tests to figure out if I’m autistic.",1 "Tried to book a hotel for last night. When I arrived I discovered I accidentally booked it for two weeks from now. Room is non-refundable. Fuck. Thank god I'm in a financial position to eat that cost, but a couple years ago I definitely was not. I honestly don't know how I survived without autopay on bills. People really don't talk enough about how expensive it is to have ADHD.",0 "Early in college I was falsely accused of both sexual assault and being attracted to kids. I lost my whole friend group. 24/7 I felt like I could lose my future opportunities if my ex decided to lie to the police instead of just friends. For roughly 6 months every day was hell. I developed a fear of people who seemed stereotypically on the left (died hair, lgbt, strong political views ect) since that was the type of people who abused me and believed my accuser. I felt like everyone had the potential to betray me and ruin my life. I remember having to almost daily contact a help line for months. It was about 2 years ago now. For at least 1 year every day sucked. I fell back into pocd and have only really felt recovered in the past few months when I had a professional tell me I was in fact not a pedo (even tho I've known for years) it was like my brain was constantly trying to convince me I was because it knew it was a weak point. I still get flashes of fear occasionnaly and stress but I'm mostly over it, and only now do I realize I might have been suffering with ptsd.",3 "As long as I can remember I've had difficulties engaging in self care or self regulatory behaviors. I'm able to do so much when it comes to caring for others, but when it comes to remembering to take care of myself (like eating/drinking water, going to sleep on time, recognizing I need a break, exercising, etc.) I feel hopeless. Sometimes it feels too overwhelming to think of doing them in addition to all the other things I have to do on a regular basis. Does anyone else struggle with this? If so, do you have any helpful tips or advice?",3 "I don't know if this has been asked alot in the past. I am just going to ask anyway. If you had an interest that you had in the past I would like to know that aswell.",3 "When making “small talk”, wich i dont like so much, i know im explaining to much, yet I can’t stop ✋. For example when someone asks ; ‘how are you?’, I cannot simply say good or bad. I will say; ‘im ok AND thats because bla bla bla bla, or ‘im not doing well because my blablabla’ In the end i know it wasn’t necessary to tell the thing i did a minute ago, yet i will do this in evert convo that i have.. Can anyone relate?",3 "Up and cant sleep. I want to self harm, I want to rip my apartment apart. I just hate everything about myself. I just spent the past half hour googling about different suicide methods. I want to reach out and text someone but my world has gotten so small there is no one I feel welcome to text except my therapist and she isn’t responding understandably. I’m safe right now, I have a dog and cat so I refuse to commit suicide while they’re around but that doesn’t stop me thinking about it daily. And yes I’m in therapy and on medication, have been for the past 2.5 years. It doesn’t get better. I feel like I’m just waiting it out for suicide to finally get me. And I feel really sad because September is stupid suicide prevention month whatever that even means. Fuck hotlines and like posts on IG. What I really need is someone who actually knows me and if close to me to be there for me :(",3 "Like the title says, I have intrusive thoughts about a specific person in my life that I very much love. Is that ""common"" occurrence?",1 "Hi everyone, I hope you guys are hanging in there. I just wanted to write about a really positive experience I’ve had after receiving 9 weeks of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and just to help you guys not feel so alone and answer any questions you may have. Since starting my CBT session I would say that my OCD is cured. I still have intrusive thoughts because everyone has intrusive thoughts but I no longer want to act on them with a compulsive behaviour. It also does not mean that I don’t have panic attacks or anxiety anymore. What happens now is that I know how to cut the anxious thought off before it continues and takes up more of energy. I can get my panic attack under control in 10 seconds instead of 10 minutes like I used to. I no longer require reassurance. I manage my anxiety myself without asking for reassurance from family or friends or google. I recognise my flight or fight responses. These are still early days and I’m sure I’ll have some days where I’m not so strong but I can’t stress enough how helpful CBT is. I do think you have to be prepared to get help and open yourself up to trying out and practicing their methods (which do work) but once you do it’s amazing. If you’re from the UK, I just typed CBT into the NHS website and filled out a form. I was on the waiting list for some time but it was worth it. It was also free. Have a great Easter guys! I’m willing to answer any questions you might have.",1 "First of all. I'm really sorry, but I'm incredibly drunk right now, so sorry for any misspellings or difficulty reading. I really would not have been able to convince myself to post this otherwise. As the title says, the people with the fancy degrees have said I have high functioning Aspergers since I was about 12, so I'm not sure if I'm spergy enough for this subreddit. If I am, then thank you and read on. I have had an incredibly difficult go of it the last 5ish years of my life. As people have been dating and being held I've been laugh-crying myself to sleep trying to figure out how friendships are made. I'm still trying to crack friendships and people are starting to get married. This will sound pathetic, but I have enough alcohol in me to be run over by a car and it feel like a tickle, so I really don't care what Reddit thinks. I really want to care for someone and hold someone and love someone. I barely understand my own emotions about 90% of the time, but holy shit do I know I just want to hold someone. I have seen other people hugging/cuddling/nuzzling at college and I don't know why I cry. The last couple years I realized it is because I am pathetically lonely and just really want to hold someone. I guess the whole reason for this post is to ask for thoughts. I'm clearly just pathetic, but is any part of this just my Aspergers dooming me to fail? What are the best tips you people out there with the Aspergers who have found love have for me? Am I just screwed or is there something that can help?",3 "I don't really have that many reasons to feel like this, but every single day when night comes I just want to die. Sometimes I don't even know why, but I just don't want to exist. Right now, it's because of severe dysphoria. I should have been born a boy or should'nt have been born at all. Please someone tell me what to do it's causing derealization and I don't want to go back to selfharm. I just want to be normal and not want die. I'm so tired and I don't know what to do. Is there any way for me to stop wanting to die someone please help",2 "20M here and a bit of a weird case. Long story short I’ve got an enlarged prostate already for whatever reason and I’m also 6’1 130lbs. Eating isn’t really something I do and nobody really seems to know why. I was on cyproheptadine since last March up until just a few weeks ago as an appetite stimulant. During that time I thought I was cursed with chronic urinary retention, never making the connection that it was the cypro coupled with enlarged prostate. I still haven’t fully recovered from that garbage. Which brings me to now and unrelated to all that I am pursuing ADHD medicine only to come to the understanding that it does the exact same thing as far as urinary issues AND as a bonus it decreases your appetite. Am I fucked here?",0 "About a year ago, I finally had had enough of my anxiety and sought out therapy that specialized in anxiety. COVID was new, so a lot of what I was feeling was worry about getting sick (being high-risk) and struggling to find common ground with people in my life. I was upfront about looking to help manage anxiety and help with conversations that I found challenging - basically asking for what I needed. I was closely following CDC guidance at the time, including following hand washing guidelines. I also was pretty nervous about being made to work in person (again, being high-risk and based on unsolicited recommendations from my PCP). My therapist diagnosed me with OCD, which was new to me but I rolled with it. I went through some ERT and they were honestly surprised by how quickly my ""obsessions"" resolved - I wrapped up therapy with them in a couple months. My struggle with ""accepting"" my OCD diagnosis is that in many situations where I was looking to be a better advocate for myself, I was instead told that I have a mental health disorder and shouldn't respect my boundaries. I understand that OCD is a legitimate disorder, but I also believe that people operate on a spectrum of what they are comfortable with. I'm not denying that I might have OCD tendencies and some of the tools I learned were helpful for re-grounding myself, but I also feel like my diagnosis took away my power to make decisions about my body in all situations. Examples I was looking for support on being a better advocate for myself was conversations with new sexual partners about STI testing, situations with drunk/distracted drivers, or asking my employer for remote work based on recommendations from my doctor. Instead I now feel like it's my fault that I might care more about something than someone else, have no right to speak up, and continue to make a lot of one-sided sacrifices. Has anyone else struggled to find a balance of still respecting yourself with an OCD diagnosis?",1 "(21M) My first time on the forum and I know I shouldn't be seeking reassurance for these thoughts but I really am starting to question if I'm actually straight or bisexual, I've had OCD with varying themes including HOCD for a while now and it often switches between the theme of actually being gay or being bi. I have overcome these anxieties in the past through time but I'm beginning to find evidence that I may actually be bi, I don't feel any attraction to the male form and haven't felt romantically attracted to a man before, I have a girlfriend and have several romantic and sexual relationships with women in the past but my porn habits have led me to question if I am totally straight. I mostly watch straight porn but tend to mostly watch scenes where the man is well endowed and occasionally find myself watching porn of men with large penises masturbating, I tell myself that its the vicarious nature and the wishing that I was the man in the scene that is the primary attraction but now I really am wondering if it's because I'm attracted to the penises themselves? Does this sound like OCD to anyone or am I actually bisexual/gay to some degree?",1 "Hello guys. I kinda need you help. So, I found a new job. Well, it’s my first job. I just turned 18, and finished school. I want to work a bit before I study, and found a job in a Covid test center. That’s great, because they pay a good wage for like a student job. I had my first shift, and everything went good. My colleagues are cool, and even if the job can be hard at times when there are a lot of people at once, it’s something I can manage. But after that shift it started to become bad. I have the impression that I won’t be able to do it. Im suddenly extremely afraid, and doubting everything. I know this is a reaction that I have because of my trauma, but I just don’t know how to handle it. I’m overwhelmed as always. I know that once I’m at the job I will be fully focused, bc I don’t want to do anything wrong. But I know that this makes everything even worse. I experience more and more often just a „shut down“ of my body. Where it’s so exhausted, I can’t go on. Even if i didn’t do anything physically exhausting on that day. Like today, I had to go feed the cats of somebody I know, and halfway there I just couldn’t go any further and had an complete emotional meltdown. I’m so over all of this.",3 "I have been diagnosed with Severe PTSD, Depression for over a year now and been seeing the same doctors all the while. This rude nurse finally made me kind of flip out on her today though. She always has an attitude both on the phone and in person. My anxiety and irritation level was high, she was going over my list of meds (incredibly slowly) and first she questioned why I stopped a med and I told her because I wanted to and I'd talk to the doctor about that, then I cut her off because it was faster to tell her the 4 meds I AM on and be done with it. This rude nurse that always has an attitude, had the nerve to call me out on being angry and rude to her and I lost it. I told her in a long, fast, run on sentence that, It's because she's the same rude ass nurse that me and my wife have talked to both on the phone and in person multiple times and she always has a fucking attitude and I want to hurry up and get her TF out of there. She stormed off, told on me and my Doc came in with the manager and I told them the same thing. The manager said she'd file a complaint and that that nurse would be gone soon because she was on her 2 weeks notice but that I can't treat staff that way. I said I respect everyone that respects me and that the lady is literally looking at all these mental meds and you'd think that would be an indicator to maybe not have an attitude with someone already on the edge. Then they said they thought it would be better if I came back another day when I'm in the right state of mind. How ridiculously stupid is that? They were treating me like a danger to them and the doctor kept calling me Sir and acting like we'd never met when I've seen him countless times and have had many casual conversations with him. I left there feeling like I was taking a walk of shame and don't even want to go back but has anyone else experienced something like this? They weren't rude or anything but it was just awkward and I just feel weird now. Like if they can't even understand my reaction and kind of seemed threatened by me, then how TF will I ever find help? I WILL NOT BE LOCKED IN A HOSPITAL if that becomes the case. I feel so freaking lost right now.",3 "Family resents me cause I’m a disappointment. Not good enough to date. Friends come in & out of my life. Only had 1 real friendship *ever*. Spent months trying to figure out if I’m the problem & I honestly still don’t know. Getting mixed perceptions about myself doesn’t help. *but* I’m extra self aware now which is a fucking curse. Ignorance is truly bliss. I am good enough to be treated like shit , used for sex , & a emotional & physical punching bag which has definitelyyy helped my self esteem over the past years…hahahahaha…*note sarcasm* someone pls kill me i fucking hate it here",2 "Currently having meltdowns more easily than normal and realised I haven't got much of a strategy for dealing with the exhaustion that follows. I sort of just mope around not really settling to anything. So, I thought it'd be useful and interesting to ask what strategies you have?",3 "I've always wondered how my life would be different if I had more good teachers in school. Most of them were... so-so, but the good ones made me a better person, and what they TAUGHT me has stayed with me. For example, I used to hate math. I could barely do my times tables, let alone geometry, but that changed in 7th grade with my 7th grade math teacher, Coach Reams (also the football coach for the JV team). Now, I'm still no Archimedes, but I can succeed at math in a way I couldn't before I met him. Good teachers can make a world of difference, but there's not nearly enough of them to pick up the slack. So, redditors, can an Aspie become a teacher, and more to the point, succeed at it? I know there would be challenges; interpersonal relationships, having to be the authority figure and making executive decisions in the classroom, and job pressure being just a few. But there's also the advantages; being able to make a difference in children's lives, the opportunity for personal and professional development at every level, and job growth. One of the things that gets talked about a lot on this sub is working around and through challenges that we face on a day-to-day basis. Would becoming a teacher be that much different?",3 "My whole life my family hasn't been so great. We had cps involved a few times, and the type of stuff that goes with that. My mom has what I think is Munchausens, she's always trying to diagnose me with stuff and is willing to come up with whatever lies it takes to get people to believe her. Some do, some don't. Because of this, I feel very isolated from 99% of my extended family along with my immediate family. I have two close friends and a few acquaintances, one friend who I have feelings for but I know that's not going to work out for a while if ever. Most people see me as f-able and not datable or friend material. Even my coworkers will want to do that with me, or offer to pay me for... stuff (something I'm against and would not do) I spend all my time going to highschool, college and working full time to move out of my parents house, and when I get home at the end of the day, I have no opportunity to do anything besides homework, an episode of a netflix show and a half hour phone call to one of my friends. It's a little better on the weekends, and I'm able to spend a few hours with my friends in between work and studying. I get 5-6 hours of sleep most nights and try to keep myself going with coffee throughout the day. I also have a health condition that makes me tired too. I'd like to get therapy, but because of the way my parents are, I'd like to wait until I'm on my own insurance to do so. A lot of people come up to me and tell me I look sad all the time, but it's not an intentional expression, or as a result of me thinking anything sad. I just feel really tired all the time. Right now I don't like my life too much, but I also feel like I'll be able to relax in 4 years when college is over and things will get better then, even if I'm not always happy now. I'll be able to get a nice house, hopefully fall in love and have lots of time to find out what my hobbies are. Do I seem depressed?",2 If you have OCD and use Zoloft what dosage are you on? Do you have to titrate up or down. I am currently on 100mg at week 4. First week was 50mg. So only 3 weeks on 100mg.,1 "My question is how have you managed? I've been nothing but ruining my own life and I've wasted so many years and continue to waste them. I find it quite hard to exist with this diagnosis and was wondering if anyone suffers the same and could provide some insight. Thank you",1 "My life is a mess because of my OCD. Do I have to suffer with this? Hello, everyone. I'm suffering from OCD and my heart hurts. I want to stop social networking and all my efforts. There is an OCD community in my country, but honestly it's not much more than this reddit group and I'm writing this with an automatic translator. It's so pathetic that I feel like crying. Because of my mental disability, my English is at a kindergarten level. Everyone else can do it perfectly, right? I will never be able to speak English perfectly or write it myself. People say I have the power of action, but I can't eat with action, I have to die. Recently, I started to draw pictures, something I have been traumatized by for a long time, but now I feel like crying. I have no confidence. People with low intelligence are looked down upon. Is it wrong to be so unintelligent? All the horrible things people say about the disabled are in Google suggestions. I didn't want to be disabled either! I wanted to be born normal, go to school, have a healthy mental health, and most importantly, be independent enough to live on my own! I never wanted to be disabled! Since I was a child, everyone has been telling me that I'm a spoiled person, but would they have said such horrible things if they knew I was disabled? I can't talk back because I'm a child. It's too painful. I want to die. I didn't want to be a handicapped person. I even want to pretend to be a tragic heroine. I'd rather die. If I died, I wouldn't have to worry about my OCD, and I wouldn't have to worry about my mental disability. Why am I so weak? Why was I born so weak? Sorry, I wrote about something other than OCD, but I didn't know where the intellectual disability community was.",1 "39 year male been in sales my entire life and I hate it. Spent atleast 10 years collectively not working. I work 1 year take a year off etc. Recently diagnosed and I know now I have been in the wrong field Now I keep reading computer programming could be good career for me I like the idea of computer networks Would like to hear your feedback",3 Just curious what the percentage is. No judgement on either side. Lets not turn this into a flamewar. I have a theory.,3 "All I want right now is to give into old coping mechanisms and screw a stranger after a night of drinking. I wish this was a diet I could cheat on, but deep down i know that would set me back months.",3 "I know my therapist said that people in the spectrum look at things black and white and not in between. I realized during any scenario where I’ll start to assume thoughts about people based on my first impression and sort of write those feelings about them in stone. For example, if my first impression of someone sounds very cold, rude or intimidating, I will instantly start not liking the person and it would linger within my thoughts. Even when its not always the case. I felt that it was also the reason why I am always scared of meeting or getting to know people, because I would overgeneralize their attitudes based on what I’ve seen at first. I think my anxiety has gotten the best of the times where I was given a chance to get to know people. I also feel that being on the spectrum, I am always struggling or always concerned of trying to fit in.",3 "Long story short I suffer pretty heavily from bouts of executive dysfunction that are, most relevant to this post, interfering with my fitness goals, and I need help shaking them from an external source (in this case my wife). Having been out of the military for some years now, not exercising like I once did every day, not having any real obligation to, I gained weight and am no longer happy with my body image (note: this is not a post soliciting workout/fitness advice). They say that if you don't jump up and go do something, then you must not want it enough - but I do, I promise. Every molecule of my body screams to get off the couch and do something, anything towards getting fit again. But nothing happens. I rely pretty often on someone else to encourage and motivate me into action because I just can't seem to get myself to do it. When discussing a gym membership with my wife and her asking how she could best support me and my fitness goals, I had no specific examples of what would work. So my question is basically this: What do people say to you that gets you out of an executive dysfunction spell \*and\* into the action you're after? How do you find yourself supporting others with the same issue? I really want to go to the gym but I always find myself either not getting up to do anything, or when I do get up it's always for some other reason. And is this even executive dysfunction or am I just making excuses for myself? What gives?",0 " So I’m not even sure how to start this and I’m on mobile. I’ve been lurking for a while and reading as much as I can about what could be going on. Im really fucked up I feel like I have to say that, I have so much shit wrong with me I didn’t even think to take care of my mental health. I was told I just have GAD was put on multiple antidepressants that made me very sick and suicidal. I have chronic pain from endometriosis, nerve pain and extreme nausea. I have to smoke cannabis (have tried 8 other anti nausea meds) just so I can eat one or two meals sometimes just one. Brain fog like crazy so I figured it was just that. I’ve been dealing with health problems since I was about 15, had to kill my thyroid so it wouldn’t kill me. Was pre diabetic and had to take metformin which destroyed my stomach. Ive been just kind of half here for a long time just trying to survive the next bullshit that comes up. Always had problems in school my teachers were always frustrated bc they knew I could be better my parents just helped me as much as they could. I will start things art, projects, maybe adult things I need to do and I am NEVER able to finish it. I’m supposed to be making art for my sisters babies room and have only sketched a tiny bit out even tho I absolutely love art and drawing. My cat recently passed away that didn’t help at all she was like my own child. So I am at the point where I can’t move forward until I get some help with this, every part of my life is falling apart and I’m losing my mind it feels like. I’m stuck at home with no job and it really makes it all worse. I have put off looking in to ADHD because of how horrible the medical field treats women especially people that have endo and I’ve always been told I’m crazy from my own drs bc they don’t believe me. So I’m terrified they will just put me down as a drug addict like always for wanting help. I lost my job a while back and I am just so stuck feeling. I hope it goes okay I just wanted to hear from you guys what your experiences have been like and if anyone else has had to juggle not just ADHD but chronic pain or other health issues. I’m worried how they will treat me. I’ll be going through social services walk in and then they will decide what I need. Ask if you have any questions I tried to keep it short. Also I know it can be annoying to see people trying to self diagnose themselves(at least from what I’ve seen on here lol) but my grandma just got hers a few weeks ago and even my brother thinks he has it and is getting tested. I believe my mother has inattentive type and she just learned how to be pretty organized I feel like I have it pretty bad from all the research I’ve done and even reading your guys stories and comments. Everything points to this. I hope I’m making the right choice to take care of my mental health before I focus on the other stuff again.",0 "I just got prescribed 18mg concerta and on my second day but I feel zero effect from it. Like nothing positive or negative. I might be a bit tired but that can be placebo since I've just read that's a common experience. Other than that, I feel the same :( And I'm too impatient to wait till my next appt since it's a month from now",0 "TLDR RANT I'm a high functioning human damnit! I have been analyzing myself and most of the long term adult relationships I've had in my life. Can you believe that? An aspie relentlessly analyzing the world around him. I get that the high functioning label isnt always loved and is a hurtful stereotype. But it still used without regard. So why can't it be applied to all? Most of my adult relationships are with NTs. I only have two ND relationships (adhd) and all the rest would be considered NTs. Many of these people would not be considered high functioning in any category. Ruled by incomplete thought, lack of introspection, unhealthy choices. Judgement and blame always directed away from themselves. Rigid beliefs and a lack of compassion unless it's personal to their own self interests. Lack of accountability for how their own actions impact their lives and the lives of those close to them. Selfishness abounds! How come these people aren't considered low functioning? If it is so easy to put aspies into categories, why cant normies be put into the same categories? If I look back at many of the people and relationships I have known as an adult, many of them wouldn't have made it to the high functioning human category. Even though I am labeled with high functioning in regards to my autism. i feel like I am mostly a high functioning human. Despite my challenges of mind, I am all I've ever known, and if being normal meant becoming a stranger to myself and my actions (like I see in many NTs) then no thanks. I'll just keep the hand I've been dealt.",3 "Is it normal for me to feel somewhat ""normal"" when I'm around others? When I'm around other people I can smile and laugh but it makes me feel so fake and that I'm not actually depressed and then it comes back when alone and haunts me. I think of it as a silent type of cruel torture that masks how I feel enough so no one notices and keeps me from crippling sadness to make me feel like I'm not really depressed and its all fake. Is this a normal thing to feel or is it all just fake as it tells me to believe?",2 Everyday I go in force myself through the day come home fall asleep wake up have dinner fall asleep again wake up try and do somthing get bored then sleep again I'm sick of it I've got so many issues I need to deal with and I can't while I'm having to do this 6 hours a day 5 days a week preparing for some bullshit tests that mean I can do something else that's menial and means jack shit I don't want to interact with anybody I've stopped taking anti depressants since they don't work I'm only doing therapy monthly because I used up my funding by not going because I felt so awful tbh I just want to die I'm to fucked up and I'm not built for life.,2 "My mom means well. I'm 27 now. I'm so sick and tired of her coming up with excuses. Was literally just talking about how I don't like the people where we used to live. Even at this age I'd get picked on by kids at the park or laughed at by random chavs. My mom just can't help but say 'they don't mean it"". I'm like mom I have fucking had enough of having to shrug everything off to get back home and cry or just shut down. The older generation are so self-unaware and emotionally thick. Maybe my mom has autism too.. whatever I don't really care since she always comes up with excuses for it and pushes them onto me. Idk how I'm gonna get a diagnosis if she's just constantly chatting shit. My dad's just a typical dad that just tells me to man up. Sorry if this comes across as angry/bitter, it's probably because I am.",3 The last week or so my brain has been feeling more and more like scrambled eggs. I’m all over the place and having an even harder time than usual remembering things.,2 "This story happened not even 24 hours ago and it's all I can think about. Background: I don't live with my biological dad because hes a raging alcoholic. I havent seen or heard from him in 5 years, not since his uncle sexually assaulted me(C). I was 11. In the past, he tried actually killing my mom because she wanted to divorce him and keep my brother and I. My brother is autistic and never actually got along with my father. My dad would buy my brother little kid toys until we lost contact. I will be 16 in 2 weeks and my brother is 18 now. The story: I got a text at 2 am on facebook from my dad that he was in town for a couple days. I was asleep so I didn't respond until 7:30am because I had to get a state issued ID for my job. My brother just started college yesterday and so I had to wait until noon to ask if he wanted to see our dad and he wanted to so we made plans to be at a public skatepark at a busier time. My brother drove us out there and after about 5 minutes of waiting, my dad pulls up in his supercharged ford. As soon as we went to give him a hug, I could smell the alcohol. His attitude was so off and I didnt remember him ever like this before. He kept insisting that my brother drive his truck and so we did. I sat in the front, my bro in the driver seat, and my dad on the middle seat in the back. My brother clearly looked super uncomfortable and I told my dad that he couldn't blast his music because my brother has a hard time focusing on driving when there is loud music playing. My dad kept telling him to ""drive faster"" and ""let's go get stuck!"" ""This baby cant get stuck."" He also kept talking about how much money he was making and how he was going to move down here. He kept grabbing our shoulders and rubbing them. He even kissed our cheeks and my brother doesnt let anyone do that but later on he said he felt like he was forced to let it happen. My brother drove us out of town because he was doing what he was told and eventually we ended up at a swampy area with tons of trees. There were so many jumps and my brother tried to trash the truck as much as he can on the outside since my dad ""had the money to fix it"". After about 20 minutes of this, we headed off to a different area over by the river. We were forced to stop so my dad could get out to smoke and pee. He didnt bother to even walk out of sight he just did it at the door. My brother was on the phone with our great grandma because I had been texting my mom the whole time since I felt like I was going to die. (This irritated my dad a lot and he even threatened to throw my phone out the window). My brother and I looked at each with fear in our eyes as my dad climbed back into the truck and told my brother to step on the gas and go through the river. This was a shallow part in the river. My brother did but didnt go fast enough and we ended up getting stuck. He swapped spots with my dad and we ended up getting more stuck. He called our uncle to come pull us out as my brother and I walked out and onto the very painful rocks. I called my mom to ask her to come get us and I was breaking down at this point because I thought she was mad at me. My brother and I decided to go and try to find a busier road and we crossed the river and put our shows back on. We looked back at our dad sitting in his truck in the middle of the river. As soon as we started to walk away, our dad started to call out my name and turned his truck on and tried to get it unstuck. My brother and I kept walking as I broke down in tears and he comforted me and saying it was his fault which it really wasn't. We walked about a mile and were almost on the highway when my uncle showed pulled around the corner with my other uncle who assaulted me. We kept walking. When I looked back, they started to back up and that's when i heard my brother scream ""RUN!"" I ran straight into the Bushes where my legs were severally scratched up and blood was dripping down my leg. My brother told them to not touch me and kept screaming that they just have to go down the road and they'll find our dad. As soon as they drove down the road, my brother and I kept running towards an RV park while we called our mom to tell her where we were. We ended up walking about 5 miles before our mom found us. Every time my brother saw 2 silver trucks together, he pushed me down into the bushes and we would both lay there until they passed. My brother and I are both having a rough time trying to deal with this. The incident brought back all my ptsd from when we were living with with our dad. What did we do to deserve this? We both had some hope that hed be sober for once in his life but he still managed the make our lives hell.",3 "Hi all, Dr. Sam Greenblatt here again with a little blurb of psychoeducation for anyone out there that's struggling! Today I'll post about one way to define OCD. For other posts like this, you can check out [Blog — Dr. Sam Greenblatt (drsamgreenblatt.com)](https://www.drsamgreenblatt.com/ocdarticles) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a **broken alarm system**. An OCD brain can frequently signal that there is an emergency when there is no real threat at all. Even though one may rationally know that the alarm is nonsensical, the challenge is that it *feels* completely real. The broken alarm often comes along with a “**gut feeling**” that there is danger and if nothing is done about it one’s life will be ruined forever. (Side note: this is why the phrase “trust your gut/intuition” can be a terribly toxic phrase for anyone with OCD). As the name of the diagnosis suggests, someone with OCD responds to this threat with obsessions and compulsions.  #### Obsessions Naturally, someone with OCD experiences an urge to deal with this supposed threat. While the “threat” varies from person to person, one axiom is that a person with OCD has difficulty **tolerating the uncertainty** that this threat will manifest, and therefore obsessively worries about this topic.  #### Compulsions In addition to constantly attending to this topic, a person with OCD also try to **get rid of the uncertainty** by engaging in what are called “compulsions”. A compulsion is any action or thought that is done intentionally to try to figure out or fix the threat that the broken alarm system is warning about. #### Is it Working? The problem is this “solution” not only doesn’t work but instead **makes things worse**! Like paying attention to a child throwing a temper tantrum, the more one pays attention to or tries to fix the “problem”, the worse the experience gets and the more likely it is to repeat (if that metaphor doesn’t work for you, think of scratching a mosquito bite or pouring gasoline on fire. I’ve got a million more). By responding to this broken alarm, the brain gets that signal that the alarm was useful and should be sent again. Therefore, therapy for OCD centers around learning how to abstain from reinforcing that signal so that it has less control over our lives.",1 "I'm about to get my diagnosis. I have the final meeting for my case next week, basically getting the result read back and explained to me, but it was made clear in my last session where this is going. I'm happy with the result since I already realized how things are. I work as a programmer. I can handle my job pretty well but I do have problem with focus. I'm starting to understand my weaknesses and needs. I'm starting to understand why things are the way they are and why sometimes I just *can't* and then get frustrated because I *won't*. I wonder if there are any fellow programmers out there and how you structure your daily work? What tips and tricks do you have? I've looked into the Pomodoro technique a bit and it sounds pretty useful but I fail to see how I can apply it. My days are usually quite unpredictable. Any experience with the Pomodoro technique?",0 "I'm looking through my Instagram and deleting old people from my school. Looking back I know I wasn't that easy to be around but damn. Some people are just horrible and mean and choose to ostracise someone in groups rather than help or have some sort of empathy :( good riddance I'm glad they're out of my life. I'm much happier with the people around me these days.",2 "Hi. I promised to make some artwork for two friends. I'm not getting paid or anything, I just wanted to do it to show appreciation for all the help and generosity they've shown me. We have talked about it quite a lot and they are very excited for it. The thing is, I cannot do it right now. I'm too depressed. I can barely take care of myself or my own home. Being creative and doing major artwork is way too much to ask of myself right now. I want to do it but I don't have the energy nor the mental capacity. I press myself to start painting but I just can't, sometimes I break down crying. They have started to press me a little on it and so I have been avoiding them(which is sad to me because they are basically my only friends). For one of them I promised to do it a while ago and the other one is for an album cover, so I'm very overdue. The last time I spoke to one of them he asked me when he is going to get the art and I told him I couldn't afford the paint rn, which was true at the time. He knows I have the money now. I will meet them very soon and I know they will ask me when the art is coming. I don't know how to explain to them that I'm just too depressed to do it. I'm afraid they will think I'm lazy and that I'm untrustworthy since I can't keep my promise. Any tips on how to explain to them?",2 "Hi everyone, I hope you are doing alright today. I was very recently diagnosed with OCD and have begun exposure therapy. I also have ADHD (PI). My main problem, I thought was existential and moralistic OCD but it is fast being revealed I also struggle a lot with perfectionism and that ""just right“ feeling. I think perfectionism combined with ADHD is really holding me back in editing and writing. I take longer than others to do most things and I think it's because I get hung up on little details and feel unable to continue my work without fixing them, even if they are not going to be part of the final outcome. I've spent too long writing it out here to try and explain it so suffice it to say I do not completely understand it yet. What is going on now is that I had to complete a really important document for my master's thesis and send it to my supervisor by last night. I conscientiously put the amount of time into the work that it should have needed but by last night did not have something I was ready to submit. I decided to rest and wake up early this morning to finish it, but then I ended up waking up in the middle of the night and tried to do it but as I look at the paragraphs I just cannot see what I can fix although it is completely wrong. In the end, as my self-harm thoughts were getting quite overwhelming I decided to stop thinking about the deadline and focus on doing something to recharge, prioritizing my mental health. This means I'm missing the deadline and coming out as unreliable which feels horrible of course but hey, I guess it's exposure! I'm not sure what exactly is the problem and why I can't do it. I guess I am just writing in the hopes that someone can relate to perfectionism in relation to writing and editing and can maybe give examples of compulsions. Also if you have any tips to be able to break through this overwhelm so that I can just do the work in spite of the bad feels - that would be perfect and most appreciated. Sending kind vibes to you all, keep fighting the good fight! \*TL;DR: \* OCD and ADHD-PI making editing and writing difficult. Do any of you who have experienced the same have any advice to share and maybe examples of compulsions I might not be noticing myself?",1 "It is something a friend of mine told me lately, it helped to remember me that I was somebody before. And sometimes, I forget that.",3 "Ever since my diagnosis I feel like I've known I'm on a spiral but I haven't been able to stop it. I know I've been obsessing over learning everything I can about it and about treatments. I know it's been impossible for me not to talk about it constantly as I draw connections between my diagnosis and so many things from my childhood that are making sense now. I feel for my partner for having to put up with it and I know he just wants me to realize we can't afford treatment right now and that my obsessing over everything is just stressing me out more. I just don't know how to make this stop without finding some kind of help. I dont know how to make him realize that the O in OCD is my biggest problem. I. Cannot. Stop. Obsessing. Of course my diagnosis is going to be the obsession of the month until we get back on our feet and I can find the right therapy. I did find the free app NOCD so if anyone has had any luck with that let me know. TW for people with trans OCD, I dont have it but I am trans and about to talk about it I feel like being a transman on top of everything is just making it all that much harder. For the past, oh idk, month or so my partners been telling me I flinch or pull away when he touches my chest. Him touching my chest has never bothered me before so I honestly didnt even know I was doing it. Ever since my diagnosis I've been thinking way more about that and top surgery and looking up a lot of guys results from different doctors then realized the other night that I'm actually feeling extremely dysphoric about my chest right now and I think the pulling away has been a subconscious reaction to it. When I confessed this tonight to my partner, after confessing my struggles with pocd that I've been holding back because I was scared he wouldn't react well and he reacted like a saint so I thought it would be safe, he got so mad he shut down and wouldnt talk to me and went to bed without a word. I laid and cuddled him until he was asleep, and have been chilling in the living room since trying to distract myself with video games and do everything I can to get myself to a point of exhaustion that will allow me to sleep through the onslaught my OCD is unleashing upon me. I feel like a terrible partner for not telling him sooner, I feel like I don't even deserve sleep because I hurt him so I'm forcing my eyes open with everything I have even as i type this. I hate myself with every inch of my being and i just want this all to stop. I just want help.",1 "I’ve shown ADHD symptoms since I was pretty young, so I’ve always felt confident in my diagnosis. However, after years of treatment I still don’t feel any noticeable improvement. I’ve been seeing a lot about C-PTSD lately and in looking into it, I actually resonate a lot with the experiences and feel like I deal with a lot of the same things. I’m now thinking it could be depression, anxiety, and ADHD, *or* it could be C-PTSD…or it could be all of them! I don’t want to self diagnose myself but I will be discussing with my therapist. Just curious if this is common?",0 "I’ve been drinking Prozac for like 3 months now, and it only worked for about a month for me, it seems like they stopped working. Is it possible for them to lose effect that fast? Should I ask for new medicine or a higher dose?",2 Seriously tho so done rn in so sad and angry at same time. Miss my wife but feeling not mutual and trust was obliterated completely now she trying to make me suffer more like tf what I do after the fact. Wasn’t me. U know that. But anyway I’ll always live u some kinda way. Gonna kill all social media tonrow I just need to get on grind time. But I’m sabotaging myself. I’m just a dirtbag fr tho. Fuck it.,2 "Hello everyone. Fellow Aspie here. I never write on Reddit but today I had a breakthrough so powerful I felt compelled to make an account and share my experience with all of you here. I just got a pair of noise-canceling headphones and WOW ... these things are a game-changer for me. My Aspbergers make it so hard to focus (a car that goes by, a bird that chirps too loudly, and especially lawnmowers) due to my hyper-noise sensitivity. I wish I had gotten a pair of noise cancelers a long time ago. 10/10 would recommend.",3 "Over the past year I've been taking 0.5 mg of risperdal daily. It's had unwanted side effects, so I'm now going down to 0.25 mg. I'm barely on this medication yet I've noticed my anger and emotions have been all over the place since decreasing the dose. I'm crying more, I've gotten *really, really* angry lately, I've been extremely agitated, and I haven't been able to be social. I've tried hanging out in gatherings twice and it went horrendously. I use risperdal with these meds: lithium, buspar, lexapro, and vyvanse. I'm trying to find a therapist to provide EMDR and I hope that I can soon because I'm starting to feel like I can't even function passed 1 pm. ​ Edit: I was prescribed risperdal in June 2020 during a PTSD-induced psychotic episode. I haven't been delusional since",3 " I feel awful and rejected... my new therapist referred me out because they couldn't handle me I was really excited to start equine therapy with a therapist that shares the same cultural background as me and where we would work with animals and nature. It seemed too good to be true.. and then I got an email saying my needs were greater than what she was qualified to work with.I am glad she was honest especially before i developed a relationship, but I am disappointed...What sucks is she knew before she met me I had cptsd which she said she could help with. I guess when she finally met with me, she realized how extensive my trauma history was and maybe it overwhelmed her. It sucks because I spilled my guts about my life and who I am and now it feels like she is rejecting me after I became vulnerable. I feel bad and unlovable. I haven't had a therapist for over half a year since I reported my old therapist for abuse. The little girl in me feels rejected like when people growing up would always say I was too crazy or weird to be around. The little girl in me is sad because relationships often go wrong for me. I want things to go right and be easy... Ahhh, it is really hitting me with the reality that I really have gone through a lot.. more so than a lot of people (childhood sexual, emotional and physical abuse, etc for most of my life ). Things were bad for too long, I am realizing as I continue to process my trauma and Face reality. Who else has been referred out because a therapist could not handle you? Any validation and support would be nice, thanks.",3 "I keep having night terrors that usually leave me sleepless, it replays the event in my mind and sometimes amplifies the events or plays different outcomes. The event was my best friend almost dying infront of my eyes. He slit through the artery in his wrist (not purposely, freak accident) and blood was spurting everywhere, i tied a hoodie around his arm as a tourniquet and ran to a new mercedes van thinking that most new cars have first aid kits which it did and i told my other best friend to keep pressure on his wound and carried him to the first aid kit, and then phoned an ambulance. My brain keeps giving me flashbacks of it, all the blood, the screaming, the crying, just all of it, and i keep having nightmares about the event itself and it amplified, like him dying or us not making it to the first aid kit in time or the first aid kit not being there etc. Just the image of him lying in a puddle of his own blood is something that keeps randomly popping up in my head like whenever i am near the area or when i see him (he is recovering). Sorry for the vent but I just woke from one and needed an outlet, but does anyone have any help for me? like how can i try to manage this? thank you💙",3 "A few days ago, I had some rubber bands on my fingers (I use them a lot so it's convenient) and discovered that if I put them on while thinking about something I have to do, seeing the band reminds me of the thing. I assume it works the same for rings or whatever you have access to. It might not work for everyone, but it worked for me and I thought it may be a good idea to share with you guys!",0 "So apparently, nearly everyone in my bloodline suffered from some kind of personality disorder, mental illness, psychosis or some kind of rare chronic disability, possibly unmapped. I have inherited my dad's psychosis (although mild compared to his) and my grandpa's personality disorders. My mom had severe multiple sclerosis and depression, also alchohol addiction. My dad had BPD, Delirium, Anxiety, Panic Disorder, Somatoform disorder, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, and a bunch of addictions. Addiction runs in the family. Due to that both my parents died young and couldn't raise me so I had to be raised by my grandma. But there is a problem... For most of my life my grandma would not allow me to perform basic hygiene tasks or school duties alone. I am 16 years old and still not fully allowed to take a bath in my own, wipe my ass (I recently only convinced my grandma to let me do this in my own), dress, cut my nails, dry my hair or change my period pad. Recently I was finally allowed to shower on my own and even then not always. When I have homework she breathes down my neck, finds the answers online, copies everything with a few changes and makes me write it down with zero effort of my own, and that exhausts me much more than simply putting in the work myself, independently. She didn't let me have friends outside of school as a kid and didn't let me go to the park with my classmates or go to sleepovers or a friend's house, which thankfully doesn't bother me cuz I am severely antisocial. I am not allowed to go for a walk around the neighborhood and in the last 3 days I haven't left the house. I have adhd and she refuses to give me medication for it, she denies everything when I try to tell her that I might be gay or suffer from mental illness, and she tells me that she didn't adopt me to become ""like my father"", she wants me to be a ""normal girl"" and when I first attempted to talk to a therapist about my issues, (the therapist) almost outed me and she got extremely angry at me just for telling her the truth about how I feel so I had to pretend everything was a misunderstanding. Thankfully I don't have the emotional capacity to be bothered by this. She won't let me apply to university outside of our city or move out of hwr house, and she won't let me get any mental healthcare for my problems. She won't allow me to work part time or even have an allowance and she will pay for everything, including my diet, when I want to go vegan. I will have to live with her and rely on her for the next 9 years. I have a plan to secretly apply for universities outside of my city (Athens) which I won't explain in details but I am somewhat worried for my future and I don't know how to move out and not end up homeless or starve. I sometimes think offing myself will be an easier solution to all of these problems. Keep in mind that I live in Greece so I don't understand American stuff and terms and education is free.",0 "Dear people So I was diagnosed with ADD/internal ADHD about two months ago at the age of 21 (I'm a guy btw.). What initiated my diagnosis was that I had always felt different and I was socially insecure. I have always had this thought of ""why would anyone befriend me in particular"" despite my talents and qualities, and that I have no trouble speaking with stranger people. When starting at boarding school, high school and university, I initially felt regular and that I was on par with other people socially. However after the first month or so, many people have made friends, and I feel like being pushed a little to the side. Whereas many people are often texting with several people a day, I can easily go days without texting with anyone. What brings the silence to an end is typically if I initiate the contact. It happens occasionally that people contact me, and whenever it happens, it sparks joy within me (I don't think that should happen under normal circumstances. Like why should that feel special?). People describe me as friendly, people seem to like me, yet I feel like I'm left and it's myself seeking social interaction the majority of the time. Writing this I get a little emotional. Anyways, after having this feeling basically my whole life, during lock-down I finally decided to speak with someone (under the pressure of my mom insisting). The psychologist suspected me of ADD already at the first session. All following sessions were about ADD and diagnosing me. Half a year later, I was formally diagnosed with ADD by a psychiatrist. At the same time, I had recently moved out and started at university studying engineering. I had a hard time with the studies as I was sort of in an idle state waiting for my expected medication, and didn't have the discipline to read or do assignments in proper time. I have been afraid of the exams and questioned myself if I were good enough. I immediately started medication the day I was diagnosed, and quickly advanced in dose. I had this idea that everything would click, my procrastination would diminish and focus would become easy. I have heard many people online describing their first day on medication as a mind-blowing event and that everything made sense. I however, felt nothing really. The first days after my first pill I just thought I got a too low dose, and didn't really mind. After a few weeks I was on a much higher dose, and still felt nothing. That was a really empty feeling and I progressively got very sad and frustrated. At it's peak I threw things around and hammered my hand into the wall. I then switched to another pill, to see if that would work better. I'm currently at 70mg Elvanse, and I don't feel much different than before medication. I feel a little increase of energy during the day, especially in the evening. Possibly also a very slight increased ability to focus, though it's hard to tell. So since the psychologist mentioned that I might have ADD till now, I have been skeptical, though in no way dismissive or denying. Sometimes I think it makes perfect sense that I have ADD and I believe in it, and other times I feel like I have been falsely diagnosed. My belief in so may change frequently and fairly rapidly. The fact that I don't really have much effect of the medication, while reading stories about people whom it almost feel it as revolutionary, amplifies my disbelief in the diagnosis. In contrary there are also a lot of things that makes very much sense to me. I can relate to a lot of ADHD stories, ADHD memes etc... The professionals and my mom are all very convinced that the diagnosis is right. The psychologist described me as an underachiever. During elementary school and high school, I have barely ever done any homework or put much effort in, and still did very well. When I was around 7-8 years old, I was interview by a child psychologist, because the teachers found me to be non-ordinary. I behaved differently, did not follow instructions, seemed bored, didn't care about school etc... The child psychologist reported that I was highly intelligent, and that it would explain my behavior. I have also always had this feeling myself. However, in recent years I often feel like this doesn't apply so much anymore. Like I haven't really developed much as I progressed in age. Like my intelligence has diminished as I grew older. I occasionally doubt if it's true. Because the pills doesn't really seem affect me much, I ask myself questions like ""do I really have trouble focusing or am I just not that smart"" or ""if I'm in fact just lazy and don't have ADD"". I sometimes feel like I don't know who I am. How did you guys react to medication, and do you sometimes doubt your diagnosis as well? Did you try many different drugs before you found the effective one? I wonder if anyone has had similar thoughts and how you coped with it.",0 "My highschool bully (and former friend) was incredibly narcissistic. He constantly praised himself, or humble bragged, and his humor consisted entirely of making fun of others for mistakes. He started bullying me when I made the mistake in grade 10 of accusing him of acting narcissistic, and that seemed to be the catalyst for his mistreatment of me. He started subtly making fun of me, and gradually amped it up, so that when I eventually did call him out on it, he said, ""I've always made jokes like this, why are you suddenly so sensitive?"" He would also purposely take any joke I made, whether a dark joke or not, and twist it around to make me look bad. I made a joke about pedos (not even a joke about me being one), and he started doing mental gymnastics somehow connecting my joke to me being a pedo, and after that, basically anytime I was around a group of people, he would be like ""hey pedo/necro/whateverphile, remember when you did x embarassing thing?"" It eventually got to the point where I literally couldn't say anything without him turning it around against me. Towards the end of school he made a comment about me being autistic, and by his tone, it sounded like he suspected. Now, you may be thinking about how this piece of shit was tolerated, and to be honest, I have no clue. He was also very awkward, and could be downright creepy at times, yet he was a womanizer. He went through 7 girlfriends within the span of a year and a half. I should have put two and two together sooner back when we were friends, as somehow almost every ex of his was 'crazy,' except for the ones who were still friends with him. The friend group was mostly made up of nerds and other social outcasts, and everyone was constantly stroking his ego. Even outside our friend group he was liked. Even a few very popular people were friends with him.",3 "Most people are just fine with it, I've found, or at least try to be polite if they're not personally interested in what you want to talk about. But, every now and again, maybe it's because you caught them in a bad mood, or they literally just hate what you like *that* much, but, either way, you can just feel that Sims negative negative sign pop over your heads. Like, I get we can't all like the same things, but I was just excited and happy to be talking, don't need to be such a party pooper. :(",3 "I was diagnosed in my home country with ADHD and Anxiety. My psychiatrist, once I moved, wasn't willing to write up a small email explaining my conditions, that way I would of been able to share it with my new psychologist and a new psychiatrist in the US. I explained this to my PCP and she prescribed me with Vyvanse once I told her my horrible experience on ritalin/that's the only stimulant in my home country. The PCP asked me various questions and I also explained to her that when I'd take the Ritalin I would suddenly feel the world quiet down and I could actually do 1 thing at a time. I also mentioned that the effects after the medication wore off, I'd be way too irritable etc. Should I still try and get diagnosed again with a psychiatrist? I mentioned this to my new psychologist and she's wanting to have more sessions with me before I do. I've been seeing her for 2-3 months now, once a week. The reason for this is because she says some symptoms are also present with CPTSD. My new psychologist, for now, has 'diagnosed' me with OCD, CPTSD and anxiety. I am very conflicted and stressed. TLDR: Should I still go and get re-diagnosed at a psychiatrist? Even though I have a prescription for Vyvanse.",0 "I keep getting random thoughts like ""The house is about to burn down"" and it's getting annoying even if I ignore it till it goes away it was will show terrible images that feel simi real it's getting annoying.",1 "I’ve been hiding my depression for a long time, because I didn’t want to look weak in front of anyone, I really needed help because I started to think about really bad things to do to myself, my gf doesn’t care and she ignoring me right now after she knew, and when my family and friends knew, they started leaving me alone and adding more problems to my depression, I really really need help, and no one cares.",2 "ima just make it quick . i was abused by dad as a kid and he beat my mom too( i do have ptsd)he used to smack me in the head all the time even knocked me out before. i’m quick to anger and i complain a lot. one day my brother (luckily was spared the violence of my father and for that i am glad) i guess couldn’t take it and confronted me rip roaring mad chest bumping me and spitting profusely while yelling in my face. i know he as trying to make me snap out of my ways, but i told him not to touch me. after a few bumps i punched him square in the side of the head . not as hard as i could have just to try to get him to get away (i had tried this with my dad before too as a child he just beat my ass like a grown man) it dazed him (sadly gave him a concussion) and it kind of winded down from there but i’m wondering is this enough to take a mood stabilizer? i have had bad results in the past two times. scared to try it a third. even my brother doesn’t want me to take it. also how can i change my life to not think about violence so much at every turn? even if you read this far but have no answer thank you anyway.",3 "I've had OCD for the longest time and has caused me to be very anxious but recently I just don't care. I don’t care about my thoughts and I just let them be, I still get them very frequently but I just don’t care to respond. I’m kind of scared that I am becoming a bad person and am going to have to live with these thoughts. Can anyone relate?",1 "E.g. https://ibb.co/Rb64YmZ - image of my mind map. If so, whats your methood?",3 "I worked so hard and accomplished so much today. I was really jazzed at the end of work. Then I made the mistake of talking to my mother and then my girlfriend, and it was awful because they are both toxic and unavoidable. It triggered me and my mind got flooded with racing, intrusive thoughts: I can usually “hear” voices just demeaning me, cutting me down, and insulting me. It’s like it knows what to say to kill every little bit of hope I steal and scavenge from working hard all day. So I took a break and locked myself away from everyone in my house. Then I went to a mental health forum and I started reading about this guy talking about how OCD interfered with his reading skills his whole life. It was such a familiar story, and it suddenly dawned upon me that I hadn’t even made that connection my entire life, and so I just started crying alone in my room because it made a lot of sense and was cathartic. Anyway. Life goes on. It’s a lonely road. Keep fighting, my friends. And if you’re tired - rest a little, but keep going.",1 "Okay the title may be confusing. Basically I have ptsd caused by something I don’t care to discuss and medical trauma. Well, last Tuesday I cut myself while cutting an avocado and had to get stitches. Every time I close my eyes I see what happened over and over, I can’t make any food for myself right now, I refuse to touch a knife, I won’t even look at an avocado. Is this weird? Like it was just two stitches it shouldn’t cause me this much grief right?",3 "It's pretty disheartening, but ultimately, it's my own fault. Being a high school senior, so many people I know are already getting accepted into their top colleges and I'm just here probably going to my local community college and being absolutely terrified of my future. I wish I could just stop time. I don't even have the motivation to complete a damn art project (even though it's supposed to be my passion or something, but I pretty much only do it because I'm not good at anything else either) because I know I'll just fuck it all up once again. It's already turning out horribly, so why even bother. That's my only thought process. ""Everyone else is better than me at everything anyway, so why should I even try.""",2 "I am looking to attend a residential treatment center, but have heard bad things about many of them. Any recommendations?",3 "So I've never drank before and I have severe sensormotor ocd to the point where it has crippled many parts of my childhood up until now where I still have it but it's manageable. Right now I'm super obsessed with my vision and my peripheral vision ever since I discovered that my eyes have blind spots and I obsess about where they are and seeing things disappear freaks me out but I just can't stop doing it. I'm saying this because I'm scared if I drink my vision will get worse or it will be like when I was a kid where I felt like I couldn't swallow or some shit like that but 10x worse. I've never drank before so I have no idea how I'll feel but I did smoke weed and it completely destroyed me my freshman year to the point where I had to drop out of school because I fell into a deep depersonalization which was not fun. I do want to try alcohol though because I feel like it might loosen me up and just help me see the world without my ocd just for a little bit and the thought of that sounds great, I just want to hear from others who had a similar experience to hear if it will make it worse because the reason I haven't drank yet is precisely that reason. Thanks in advance",1 "I’ve known this person for 3 years but now that we aren’t in highschool anymore and at different places. I feel like they just don’t wanna talk to me anymore. They’re my best friend or at least that’s what I thought. I feel like all the time, I had to reach out to them, I always had to start the conversation. Now it’s starting to feel like I’m the only one trying to keep the friendship afloat and it’s just exhausting. I’ve stopped talking to them because long story short. Had a crush on them for a long time. They liked me when we first met but things just wasn’t working as I went through a breakup. I confessed my feelings twice when I did end up liking them. the recent one is when they threaten to unfriend me. That was a few months ago and they have the hall to say “I value u as a friend and I don’t want that to End” which the unfriend thing still fucking hurts. Got off topic. Anyways, I stopped texting them weeks ago because I needed to be alone and focus on myself. They never really reached out to me which can be interpreted as “if I don’t talk this friendship may die” which I did think about but at the same time, when we text it’s not like a normal conversation. I can say a lot and just get “ok, oh-, I-,” or other one word responses. Plus, their phone is on DND and Silent which begs the question. Why communicate or even have a phone tbh. I just feel like that we were never going to stay friends outside of highschool and maybe it’s best to just end the friendship as it feels like I’m talking to air.",3 "My six year old son has been having a very rough time and was officially diagnosed about a week and a half ago. We were originally very hesitant to put him on meds because of his age, but it seems to be the best option. Nothing else seems to be helping consistently and it breaks my heart every time he says something like, “I’m just a bad kid. I’m a mess.” He is going to start taking Ritalin tomorrow morning and I’m nervous but cautiously optimistic. I hope so much that this helps him but I am very worried about side effects as well. I plan to keep detailed notes of my observations but I would be so grateful for any advice on how to handle all of this. I want to make sure I support him as best I can.",0 "My ocd is also about coincidences and I worry that they may be bad signs from Gods about something that worries me. These 2 are the newest coincidences that happened. - 1) I was thinking about something related to my ocd worry and while on youtube, I saw the thumbnail of a video that had a footballer touching a part of his face that it is related to my ocd worry. Automatically, I worried that I may see the word ""sign"" in the title of the other videos as a confirmation that the footballer was not a coincidence. I started reading the titles of other videos. The video that was next to it, was about prisons. While I was reading the word ""prisons"", I heard from the tv news, someone saying ""bla bla bla bla guard....."" The words ""guard"" and ""prisons"" in my language share the same root word. I was thinking about this double coincidence for some minutes. Randomly, I started thinking something like: "" There is no need to worry. It is just the same root word. The meanings ""prisons-guard"" are different."" On that moment, I heard someone from tv news (changed subject) saying someting like "" bla bla bla bla bla bla prison..."" One other day: - 2) I was on reddit and randomly saw a funny topic. It was about dying from what is written on our username. Automatically, I remembered a funny quote. ""Death by penguins"" and automatically, I worried that someone may have written something about penguins in that topic. I entered the comments to check. Before entering, I thought something like ""what if I do not see the word ""penguins"" but a different animal that lives in snow, like polar bears?"" I entered the topic and the first comment was about a walrus. The walrus is an animal that lives in north pole. I left the topic after some minutes and decided to replay my thoughts regarding this coincidence. I think I also got the thought like ""what if the walrus was a random comment and when I enter again it wont appear?"" I entered the topic again and the walrus comment was still the first top but I think in the next second or some seconds later, the comment just moved. probably, it went further below. some seconds ago: - 3) I was scrolling on facebook after having written this post. There was a Christianic video and in the thumbnail it was written ""two signs different results""",1 "Here's the thing, sometimes I have no idea how much of each thing I'm doing. I think I'm sleeping enough, but realize I haven't slept 8h in weeks; think I'm doing well with work life balance, but have been working over 10hrs a day with errands being the rest of my day; think I'm eating well when in fact I'm over 1000kcals shorter. Anyways, mint is a great way to track you're money spending, but is there an app to track your time spending? I want to see how many hours I'm working, studying, relaxing, and so on. Habit trackers are good and help me realize I havent done something I like in weeks, but this would track my hours of the day and give me a visual for it. Any app suggestions?",0 "my friend is not on the spectrum. now, he is a grown man. i find it hard to console adults that cry so i just don’t know what to do.... i understand he loves cats but he’s also not on the spectrum and he was sobbing and wouldn’t stop talking about how he destroyed someone’s happiness. i couldn’t find myself to cry, not that it didnt effect me... but i feel this is a “circle of life deal.” long story short, do adults crying make you feel uncomfortable ? i have had to remove myself from situations because i just freeze up and don’t react.",3 "Hey, posted here a few days ago. I don’t know what’s going on right now. I’m getting memories about killing someone in a drunken state and I’m not sure wether it’s real. I have this real urge and compulsion to kill someone, I don’t like having this urge at all and I’m getting help. I don’t want to be a monster but I’m scared that because I’ve “remembered” this then that means it could’ve happened and I already am, I don’t idolise serial killers, I have a burning hatred for them, to me they’re just fascinating. I wonder what it feels like to take a human life out of just curiosity and it’s like I’m convincing myself that I’m a murderer and that’s what I’m destined to be. It’s just this awful sense of dread I have. I’m not a monster.",1 Just curious to know if this is common here. Mine is probably more due to health issues but I had it for a long time.,3 "Ever get something you’re really excited about? You spend all day doing it, you spend most of the next day doing it too. Hell, even on day 3 you spend a good chunk of the day on it. “Finally, something that I will actually get done!” You think. And then the next day, you wake up, and the idea of working on it doesn’t even cross your mind. And it doesn’t the next day either. Two months later you wake up and for some reason you think about it. “Damn it! I was doing so well at that too!” Well yeah, a few months ago you were. Thanks shitty working memory. I have had a passion for learning languages since I was 13 (am 29 now) I know bits and phrases in 5 or 6 languages, some better than others. This, this working memory issue has plagued me forever and it’s the reason I can’t get to a decent fluency level in any of them. A week of consistent Russian study, follow by 3 months of never thinking of the word Russian. Getting tons of materials to brush up on my Spanish, and then forgetting about them for 6 weeks as soon as I clean my room and put them away. Working memory is a bitch. Let me hear your stories of unchosen abandonment of your hobbies and interests. It’s always nice to know you aren’t the only one. If anyone has any tips for managing these issues, I would love those too.",0 "So. I'm cooking dinner. I have things in the oven and on the stove. I'm also running the air fryer for french fries. I'm done with a dish. I go to wash it really fast. After washing, I dry my hands and go to throw out the cloth and now I need to quickly take the trash out because it's getting full. But before that I notice our dogs are out of water. Good time to fill it up when I'm near the sink. I go to pick up the bowl, turn around and..... many cabinets open. Fridge open. Water running. Microwave beeping. Trash can is out and tied off. Water boiling. What. The. Actual. Fuck. Adhd.",0 "I just read a post here where someone said they’re always having issues with folding clothes. I read some comments where many people shared their very cool ideas and methods they have that works for them. I’m always amazed to read the methods that people chose to change from normal to what works for them. I find it a bit difficult to break the “normal thing to do” and I have fun in reading what you all have figured out for yourselves! Thanks to everyone in advance :)",0 "It's not a 0-100 disorder where you are a little bit or something, but rather on a gradient of multiple ""colors"" of ADHD. I myself don't really have issues with remembering important things or time management, but I suffer greatly from emotional disregulation and keeping my attention. You might be a bit neurotypical on certain things, but it doesn't mean you aren't ADHD.",0 "This week I will be attempting to acquire a new course of medication and I want to be able to have as much knowledge as possible prior to meeting with my mental health professional. I am currently on Seroquel 200mg, risperidone 1mg and propranolol 10mg daily. This combo is not working at all and I wish to see what everybody else here has been prescribed to combat their OCD. Thank you so much for any advice. God bless!",1 "A bit of history. I was born with OCD it started when I was young my family always went to church, I was sent to a Christian school and that's were my moral scrupulosity began, I would constantly worry about my salvation and worry so much about if I did wrong. It was really hard. Most of my life I was under constant stress. I felt like a monster through POOCD and blasphemous thoughts. The reason I decided to write this was because this morning I was like I wish I did not feel alone with my struggles OCD was attacking. I see a lot of people on here asking are they monsters and I believe a lot of people fear from this disorder come from doubting their own character essentially their identity. You're not alone with your thoughts or your odd obsessions or the things you do that make seem different than everyone. You're not your obsessions or thoughts you are you a beautiful complex design that has a hard mental disorder that you can overcome. If you took the time to read this thank you and have a blessed day!!",1 "*TW: self-harm, suicide So I tried to kms not too long ago, and I was hospitalized for about two days. I’m back home now, but I don’t have any anxiety medicine in effect and I’ve felt a lot of anxiety ever since I got home. I couldn’t sleep last night and today I couldn’t stop thinking about everything that happened and images from it all kept popping up in my brain. Every time this happens I get more anxiety. I would never self-diagnose or anything, I just wanted some advice if I should talk to the psychiatrist or a therapist whenever I go. I also don’t know if I should bring up my suspicions that it could be PTSD to my parents. I also think it could just be because I’m off my medication and because it happened not too long ago, but I want to be safe because I seem to be experiencing a lot of the symptoms. Should I talk to someone about it? It’s also making me want to self-harm more because it relieves anxiety. I’m trying to stay clean but it’s getting kinda hard",3 "As stated in the title. I've come to the conclusion I really need to do something about my inability to handle tasks in a certain timeframe. I've even thought about managing all of this earlier this week when it was fully preventable but I just couldn't get myself to do the work needed to sort it out. To all of my fellow ADHD ridden redditors I just want to say don't let it spiral out of control and get help from friends. If it wasn't for my friend I would have probably broken down today. Tomorrow they will send a technician to reactiviate the power to my home. It wasn't a money problem but to organize my power supply and set up a contract that's automatically drawing from by bank account. So much hassle for nothing really. Fuck this condition so much. I wish I could just DO THINGS.",0 "To get things straight, I have this thing where whenever there's a noise, it hurts me. If it's a 7/10 pain, for example, that pain will hurt me for 2-3 hours if quiet. However, if I hear more noises, then it just adds to the pain making it less able to cope. If the pain is a 10/10, then I have this thing where I fall on the floor, and I can't move where the worst pain imaginable comes to my ears, and it won't go away until everything is quiet. However, even when it stops, I still get side effects. For example, I suffer the most excruciating pain for 24 hours, can't focus, I am extremely tired, and can't sleep. I'm in a family of 8, so it's hard to not be in pain all the time, and my parents are extremely idiotic, saying that “it's just a teenage/hormonal thing”, except this has been happening all my life and each year it gets worse. My parents can also be quite abusive at times. I've tried the police, but they don't do anything and are useless. I've tried everything that is humanly possible to stop the pain, but nothing helps. I'm extremely depressed, and I want to kms. I can't take it anymore, SOMEONE HELP!!!",2 I have had a really rough night and I feel so alone and down right now. I feel like I'm such a disappointment and burden. Does anyone wanna talk?,1 "I got covid last year, my beloved grandmother died immediately afterwards, a billion other bad things happened and I slowly developed deeper and deeper depression that has now become crippling. I feel like I have a brain tumor — I can’t function like I used to and I’m overeating and spending money on random stuff for a scrap of serotonin. I’m struggling in my job. I’ve gained a lot of weight. I’m sabotaging my relationship with my awesome girlfriend because I hate myself. I have developed jealous competive feelings about my friends. I fear my girlfriend will leave me for someone better. My friendships feel like a struggle to maintain and half the time I want to cancel because I feel too ugly to be in public. I have developed an intense anxiety about food that I’m pretty sure classifies as an eating disorder. I can’t stop picking at my face and doing other repetitive body focused disorders. Life feels boring and tedious and punishing. I’m sad. I’m lonely. My parents are well meaning but have no clue how to care for or help me through this and have retreated from me because my sadness makes them uncomfortable. Therapy isn’t helping. My meds don’t help. I miss my old life and my old self so goddamn much. The thought of the upcoming winter worsening everything makes me want to cry. I just need to know I’ll feel better soon. Wow writing this out has made me realize how truly horrible things have gotten.",2 "I'm not saying this from a place of virtue-signaling; that's not my intention. In fact, I feel guilty about being so upset because I feel like I'm being unnecessarily complicated about this, which is uncharacteristic of me. I'm usually easygoing and flexible with others. My family members tend to leave on the lights unnecessarily, even during the daytime. Sometimes I would find that the light on the front porch is left on, and I'm probably the only person in this household who cares about turning it off and saving energy. Two reasons I care about this so much: 1. The environment and climate change. I know that, ultimately, it's up to the big corporations with power and money to make significant and drastic changes. However, I still believe that every bit helps. 2. Energy cost. It just seems so wasteful to burn money by leaving on lights when there's zero reason at all. Whenever this happens, I get a bit infuriated. It ruins my day, which I know shouldn't be the case. I try to distract myself, but it doesn't seem to help unless someone or something makes me feel good. I understand that I'm only hurting myself by being like this, but I can't seem to help it. My family doesn't seem to believe in or care about the serious effects of climate change. I've tried to educate them on it (not in a condescending way, just a few indirect reminders every now and then) and I try to set an example by recycling, composting, turning off lights and electronics when not in use, and so on. None of that changes their behavior. I understand that they never received a formal education about such matters, so I try to be patient with them. I don't lash out at them or confront them about it because I know there's no point. It doesn't change how I let it ruin my mood and state of mind. I've noticed how it affects the way the rest of my day goes, which should never be the case. Since I obviously can't change others' behavior, what do I need to tell myself to cope with this?",1 "Maintaining relationships of all kinds up to NT standards is hard enough by itself (just getting in touch frequently enough for example). On top of that, I've got so-so memory for faces. Does anyone have any good tool to manage info in people? Something like a really good digital rolodex that also includes reminders and such?",3 "Im sitting on my piano stool underneeth a noose. I just want the pain to go away. But I dont want to bring the people i love any closer to the same state of mind im in by killing myself. But I dont see the pain going away any other way, please, it hurts so much. Just one selfish action, just one and then im done. Please I'll probably just sit here and debate with myself wether to do it or untill i get so tired that I just end up going to bed, so that I can wake up to yet another miserable day. But I really dont ever wanna go to bed again",2 "Do you ever find that you get random words or phrases stuck in your head? For instance, it could be the phrase ""red lorry, yellow lorry"" just playing over and over again on an endless loop. This is something I get a lot but it's usually something more disturbing than that. It's driven me insane at times.",1 I always thought I was depressed because I made very little money and didn’t feel like I had much of a future. A few years later and I’m in a good job making good money and it hasn’t made me any less depressed at all. So that’s nice,2 "I feel genuinely sorry for the new guy at work who has to learn from me. The first phase of me teaching him went well because I had my work prepared in advance, it was me sitting at the computer and just narrating my regular work. Done. Now we're at the stage where it is him doing the tasks and I just have to correct/navigate him, and honestly I feel almost as confused as he does. I stutter all the time, I forget words and mix English into my first language, it's a fking mess. I'm not even mentioning regular conversations or ""surprise talking"" where letters in my words get scrambled or stuck in my throat most of the time. I don't know if there's anything that could help me process situations easier, but if you know about anything, please let me know. Thank you and stay safe ♥",3 "Basically just the title, wondering if anyone has any advice for helping me help her or stories about how treatment helped you. I understand that it is ultimately her choice whether to seek diagnosis and/or treatment but it seems like she just doesn't want to out of the idea that it wouldn't actually achieve much and would just be a hassle. Also I get that self diagnosis isn't always accurate but her own description of what her experience matches with OCD pretty exactly (constant worries about a ton of different things, both realistic and unrealistic and a lot of weird routines that if she doesn't do she feels ""a cloud of doom"" as well as some that she just doesn't seem capable of not doing) Anyways, any help or advice is appreciated",1 "So I’m all for people being safe and such, but I’m fucking dying inside working remote for 2yrs straight. My actuarial peers all act like they all drew one big “bank error in your favor” card by being able to work remote, and I feel like I’m all alone. My dopamine kick is other people. I have always been super highly functional in social settings, but hours will slip by in an ADHD fog without others around. In school I could ace tests and participate in class but could never get my homework done. I tried running my own business until I realized I just couldn’t get the solo back office stuff done when I wasn’t with clients. Now I went back into an office environment… only to have to work remote. Just because I’m collecting a paycheck doesn’t mean I can stay focused at home any better than I could before. My wife (teacher) gets home at 4 and I feel like someone finally turned the lights on in my brain and I’m ashamed of how much time slipped by uselessly the rest of the day. Fuck. Anyway, thank you to whoever read this far. Any advice or suggestions welcome, but I just really needed somewhere to vent a bit.",0 "I’m 27 (m) married with SO and we have a baby together. Recently for some reason, my brain has been sending me flashbacks and memories of my childhood, I was heavily sexually abused as a child. I have told my wife this but I never told her what exactly happened, so last night I confessed to her. I can’t do anything more then crying. My father was physically and emotionally abusive. It’s very hard. I just want to cry all the time and I apologize for everything I do, which probably makes her feel like she’s doing something wrong all the time. I don’t know how to cope with this. It’s very difficult these days.",3 I keep ruminating so bad and have this awful feeling of anxiety hanging over my head. I can’t focus on trying to sleep I just lie there for hours. I feel so weird too I’m sleep deprived and just completely out of it.,1 "I’m so tired. I just want one thing to go right in my stupid little life but it never does, I have therapy tomorrow and it helps but it’s now a matter of when not if I end my own life.",2 "I’m currently outside reading this, thinking about this, ruminating about this, everything… All I took was one person who has been in my life since maybe I toddler or in elementary school, who has seen me grow up, knew about my challenges growing up, and prays for me… That is all that it takes, for them just walk up to you and ask that one question… “How are you?”… I told her and she already knew, just like all the others what’s been going on with my ex, and her reconciled partner, the whole fucking story she’s known. I tell her the truth, I’m fucking miserable, that my contacted me, what she told me, what I felt I had to do as a person who is trying to be a better man and only be honest, and then I broke down.. twenty minutes until I’m back from lunch, and I broke down, that’s how much I am in love with my ex. How all this pain and misery is killing me, she loves my ex, but knows that she is broken and what she has done is not damaging or ruining just one relationship and all the things shared but still having her other relationship that she walked away from still being in love with them, at the end I’m just venting, my friend knows how I feel about my ex, she knows how my ex feels about me, she hates that I’m suffering and continues to support me with no judgment to either I or my ex. I’m just fucking lost and ruined any chance I will ever have to be with the one I’m in love with.. I never in my life have I been so miserable other than the two days I will always remember and still won’t accept…",2 "I've recently come to the sudden, truly painful realization that I think I have PTSD. It's been 16 years since my trauma and I have only now really began to grasp how much it has affected me and my sense of self, or lack thereof. I don't know how this didn't click before. I recently had an event come up that just reminded me of a lot of things I was trying to forget. I thought I was almost over it all, but now I know that I am not. For years my trauma has haunted me and now I feel like I'm stuck reliving it again. I will bring all of this up with my psychiatrist at our next appointment, but in the meantime I'm just looking for some support to reinforce that I'm not alone. I was doing so well before. I recently got diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and medication has made me feel so wonderfully normal at last. Now I can feel myself slipping into a dark place that I thought I was finally out of. I am devastated by the realization that I have legitimately never known a life without trauma. I feel this constant pain/weight in my chest from it all. It makes me feel sick and last night I had my first nightmare in a long time. I just want this feeling to stop. I've been using a self-help workbook and journaling but I don't know what else to do in the meantime.",3 "At heart I’m “yass queen” and love some very traditional queer things such as I basically snuck at watched rupual drag race since I was 10 On the outside I’m 6’2 black and have locs. My locs allow to to express myself you can say. But I’m highly afraid to come off guy so I don’t really express myself Not my true interest",2 The last 6 months or so I've been getting these reoccurring thoughts that I don't hang out with my friends enough (which I know is not true) and because of it I'm going to lose them. I would then react by getting out a calendar and going over all the days I hung out with them over the last couple months. This happens multiple times a day. I'm just a little confused as I can't seem to find anyone that can relate. Is this my OCD or something else.,1 "Hey all, I recently started seeking therapy for my OCD and am midway into Nathan Peterson's ERP course. I've been familiar with what ERP is for several years now, but this is the first time I've put it into practice. First, I'm wondering if it may be a good idea to tell my psychologist that I am taking this course? His techniques center more around mindfulness and learning to be in the moment, whereas ERP is a lot more intense. For that reason, I am afraid he may not recommend it. However, ERP seems to be the most effective strategy at the moment for treating OCD, and I feel like it could work in tandem with the techniques that my psychologist teaches. For example, I could do my exposures, and then just be mindful or sit with the anxiety that arises without engaging in the compulsions. My other question is: can the creation of exposures can become an OCD 'theme' in and of itself? By this I mean, I will hyper analyze the exposures I've created and wonder if they're too extreme. For example, I'll have a thought about performing an exposure that I would consider extreme, and then panic over ""what if"" I actually did it and think that my life is ruined by the possibility of doing an extreme exposure that was rooted in poor judgement. Logically, I can see the cognitive distortion of thought-action fusion at play here, because even just thinking about the exposure feels as though I've actually performed it. But it's a bit harder for me to dismiss this as another manifestation of OCD: whereas I can tell that an intrusive thought is completely unwanted, I am deliberately coming up with exposure plans, so my mind thinks that mere consideration of something = actually doing it. I'll also obsess over whether my ERP plans are too weak, but this is not as distressing since there is little to no threat in this case. Sorry if this is super convoluted, but I mainly suffer with Pure OCD and so my thoughts/fears etc. oftentimes have layers upon layers to them. Any input/discussion about this is welcome, and thanks for reading!",1 "Woke up about 45 min ago (now its day time so I'm not going back to bed) to a particularly disturbing one that is really sticking with me. I don't even remember the details very well but its sticking to me and ""in"" my body like gum on my shoe. I'm already dissociated and while I have a lot of skills (DBT and other stuff for grounding- - cold shower, Tv, ice, music, podcast, weighted blanket, cuddle with stuffed animals, journal, aromatherapy etc) I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I feel uncomfortable and stuck in my body and don't know how to continue my day without being triggered. But I feel stuck and frozen.",3 "My life has never been great, but the last 4 years have been the worst by far. I often run suicidal thoughts through my mind everyday all day. At this point I'm just trying to think of a way it doesn't hurt and is the quickest way possible all while not leaving a financial burden on my family. I wake everyday to literally nothing worth staying for. I have no one and my living conditions are a complete joke. I'm tired and I don't feel like fighting anymore for happiness that's never going to happen. No need to respond. I just have to get this out.",2 "So today I had a panic attack it lasted a whole hour. I’m not sure if I have PTSD, but I think so. When I was 8 I had nightmares and 4 years later I have panic attacks I’m scared to eat, I have attempted Suicide and I’m scared of men. #TRIGGER WARNING# A little background: when I was 5 I went to a taekwondo school, the teacher would give me private lessons after the group lesson. I would have something cover my eyes, I had to open my mouth and guess which finger he put inside my mouth. You probably can guess what happened. When I was 8, I peaked for the first time. We reported it to the police and so on. I had nightmares. Two years later, my mother and I would argue very often. She would say that I was ugly, dumb and useless. I have certain trigger situations that trigger my panic attacks. What should I do? Should I test for PTSD? (I know that this text is not written very well)",3 "There was a nasty fight with my ex earlier today and she was a complete bitch to me. I simply requested her to give me some space for 2 weeks and to stay away from the my friend group in that time. She denied it and said she's not leaving and that it's my own problem to deal with. She then went and told everyone in our group our private conversation and was making fun of me and laughing about it. She also said I didn't deserve an apology even tho I did nothing wrong, I just wanted space. I'm not comfortable being around my friends while someone that treated me so horribly is there. My friends on the other hand, agree she was in the wrong but aren't going to do anything about it. I simply just want her gone, I literally don't want to see her. She put me through so much shit and talked shit about me to my friends, yet they won't support me on it? If that's really going to happen, and she's just going to simply hang around the friends that I introduced her to, the friends that I've known since elementary school, then I'm just going to disappear. It's been a good run, but I spend time with my friends to relax and be happy, I'm not gonna do that with a jerk like that around. If you guys see this, I'm sorry. She gave me no choice.",2 "So I'm coming up on about a year since I was put in a shooting related situation that was really the catalyst for my diagnosed ptsd. It took me several months of ups and downs to stabilize and be some semblance of how I was before a lot of the stuff happened. I'm on a low dose of lexapro which has helped a lot, and I have weekly therapy to help me talk through other things that likely contributed to my condition (brother's psychotic break and sister's suicide attempt). It feels weird to say, but I feel really good despite having small bumps that make me uncomfortable: small spaces, not having an escape route, gunshots, etc. While I sometimes have small moments of anxiety when some external force pushes me, it's nothing compared to the panic attacks I used to have before I was on antidepressants and was going to therapy. I feel like I'm pretty functional. In january, I am going to have to fly to go back to school across the country. I havent been on a plane since a year ago, when I was in the beginning of a paranoid episode and had to take a bunch of benadryl to sleep through the flight. I feel a little weird about flying. It's not flying itself that worries me, it's the idea of feeling trapped and having a panic attack and needing to take a xanax to calm down that scares me. This has been a theme I have noticed with my anxiety in general. I get worried about being anxious to the point that I rile myself up and cause myself more anxiety. I feel like doing this is the next step towards functioning and feeling ""normal"" and independent again; my family keeps gently reminding me that I can't let this inhibit my life. I'm wondering if anyone had any advice on how I can make this trip bearable? I have a weird relationship with xanax and while I know I can take it and knock out for the whole flight, there's still some discomfort there. But I also dont want to feel unbearable anxiety throughout the flight. Does anyone have a similar experience? Sorry if this is long and rambley but yeah",3 "I dont know a song with relation of asperger, ¿even songs like this exist? Even in vocaloid no songs about asperger but they have about depresión and anxiety even strange mental ilness but asperger no ¿anyone know a song about this? No educative songs please Sorry the bad english",3 "At work today I noticed a pattern. My ADHD is always particularly bad on Saturdays. I was complete dead weight today and we fell behind because I could focus at all. I'm pretty sure there's something affecting my routine on Saturdays and that's why I'm always so thrown off. But I'm in such bad shape today that I can't even take a second to think about this and fix it. My mind is just a freaking fog cloud today. I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually, but I'm pretty positive that I'll have to change my morning routine entirely for every day and I'm seriously not happy about it. I don't even know if this mad sense. I'm struggle just to type this. I just wanted to rant to someone.",0 "Christmas the happiest day of the year, is funny how for some people Christmas is so beautiful and happy, they get to celebrate with family and friends, they eat delicious food and make great memories, but for other people is quite opposite. This Christmas is going to be the worst of my life, and it shouldn’t be that way, I’m relatively healthy, I’m not in a respirator like many people now days, I have a place to sleep and stay warm, I have some food in my house to eat, I might be short in money but I have some money, but I don’t have a single family member to be with, I don’t have friends to laugh and make memories with. The love of my life the person I was supposed to get marry next year just broke up with me and in such a short amount of time she is already going out with other guys meanwhile I’m in my room crying over her, just remembering all the memories we made during so many years, I was loyal, I always put her first, I give her space to have friends and go out, I took care of her when she was in the lowest, I sacrifice so many things to make her happy and now I was left with nothing but pain,sadness,loneliness and suicidal thoughts. It’s funny how the absent of friendships can weigh more than vital things in life like health, money, success and many more. who knows maybe this is my last Christmas of my life.",2 "I’m just so tired of everything. I’m tired of pretending to be happy, pretending that everything is okay and that it will be okay. I’m tired of trying make things better, to make my relationship with my parents better. I’m tired of struggling to make anything out of my life. I’m tired of the feeling that I’m nothing more than a disappointment and embarrassment to my wife. Most of all, I’m tired of going on Most days now I pray that my heart stops in my sleep so I don’t have to wake up anew. This year has been harder than most, I lost several family members, I had to put my three year old dog down because of a brain tumor, I’m most likely about to lose my job because a move…and now we’ve been told that my wife will either lose her job or we’ll be forced to lose the house we’re about to close on because her boss changed his mind on drive distance. I’m just tired of the rat race. I don’t even know what the fuck I’m doing here, I feel like I’m ranting. I’m sorry.",2 "I’ve been on 10mg for the past two weeks and it has made such a wonderful difference in my life. Not just productivity but it has quieted a lot of anxiety. I’m supposed to move to 20mg tomorrow morning and am wondering what to expect and what to look out for. This was just the way my primary prescribed adderall, I didn’t request the increase. I do see where it’s not working as well as two weeks ago. Thanks for your input!",0 "I am.. 20 year old F. Living with my mom and older sister. I constantly have flashbacks of past traumas, flinching, hiding and avoiding people and connections. Not diagnosed with ptsd yet but my therapist definitely knows I’ve got a shit ton of trauma. Fair warning, I’m not great at explaining, wording, articulating, or grammar so this post isn’t written well and I apologize for that. There’s so much in me that I want to get out So I’ll start with how I feel. I fucking hate my family with a passion and idk if it’s rage from my ptsd but fuck all of them! I haven’t forgiven my older sister, she used me as her therapist growing up she’s like 8 years older than me, ofc she spoiled me with things but it was always her problems on blast. I hate that she purposely tried to degrade my physical body or beauty in front of friends growing up to make herself feel better about herself, bullying me, and her fucking lack of boundaries like is she a fucking kid? She’s 30 don’t touch my things without asking, knock my door before entering, when I don’t want to talk stop bothering me idk what is so hard. And when I say “ I don’t want to talk” then she makes it seem like I’m the bad guy and still persists to converse with me. I come from work I just wanna be alone. I have adhd I can barely think about what I need to do next without getting distracted. I get sometimes she’s just talking or needs help but god damn. I’m tired I hate her. I hate the whole family and this might be my ptsd but I’m so angry idc if she died at this point. This family is total utter shit, I’m the youngest so no one gives a shit about me. Fuck all of them. I just wanna sit in my room and talk to nobody I don’t give a flying shit I don’t, suffer for all I care I’m not coming. This sounds so bad because that’s how angry I am, from being sexually abused by middle sister to bullied and competing with my older sister to my violent father and narc mom. Fuck all of them. Burn in fucking hell. I had to let it off my chest. I don’t wanna talk to them about shit, not dishes not laundry not about their day. Just leave me alone. What more do they want from me. I’m aware a lot of my emotions are selfish and I hate having them. I can’t stand these people. I wanna move out soon so bad. Fuck her, she wasn’t sexually abused? I got most the trauma. Yet I wasn’t ranting to her my entire childhood or using her. I haven’t even grown up in a normal way there wasn’t one family that hasn’t used me or respected me even when I did set boundaries and the funny shit is I’m holding my anger back most of it until I move out bc I wanna maintain peace but I wish that she would stop trying to be “ friends” that everything is normal man no it’s fucking not and it never will be. We will never have a normal relationship, I never did. I realize I idolized her growing up she always bought me things, takes me out helps me but I hate when she helps me I don’t want it. I don’t want any of her help. It feels like strings attached. I don’t want any help just to be guilted in the future or feel like I owe something. I don’t just hate my older sister my father my mother and everyone. Just everyone. I haven’t had a normal life like my memory went to shit bc probably ptsd( my adhd test ranked impaired working memory, lower than low average) I don’t think that’s completely adhd pretty sure most of it is trauma . Point is…. I can’t function normal to work a lot or drive even bc I disassociate so severely and I’m still in this stupid ass house where every single trauma happend to me. I wanna move out but they have fucked me up so bad I can’t even function even when I’m trying giving it 110% my brain is just mush. I struggled in school no one cared, they isolated me from humans at age 13 and wasn’t allowed to leave the house. Yet all I know is my parents divorce and my sisters life problems. No one has been there for me period. I hate them for all the suffering they caused and I just wanna help myself to not need them anymore. Like wtf, is wrong with this family. I missed out on so much and now I can’t even get away, homelessness if my next best option. Now I want to cry I’m sad, I don’t really want any of them to suffer but I do at the same time. I’ve been suicidal alot lately and just my life isn’t going where I want it to as hard as I try. I’m not competent for a job, school not even a proper boyfriend/husband. Everything’s been fucking destroyed. They destroyed the light inside me I hate them. Like what about me? They don’t care. I wanna be selfish and I wanna project back but I feel bad so I stay in my room I don’t want interactions with any of them anymore. The thing is with trauma it makes me feel like it’s my fault or something I did messed me up growing up but I know it was my family 100%. They were so cruel and cold. I just want a normal life I don’t want to feel like every time I talk to someone they’re going to criticize me. I don’t want to be this negative, I want real love or just real happiness but it’s so far away. I can’t heal in this house but idk how to get out. I don’t want to blame them but I know they fucking hurt me all of them, but I can’t heal so all I have is this anger and it’s just sitting there and it’s like a ticking time bomb internally. I’m constantly on edge. Flinching from sounds and random things bc I don’t feel safe at any point of the day. I have a guy I’m seeing but I’m afraid to hurt him so I’m going to let him go ( I haven’t done anything to him) my rage is more so internalized than externalized. But I don’t see anything in me that I could do for anyone. I’m so bitter and resentful. I wanna be grateful for things in my life but I am so angry at the world that idc. Honestly. I’ve had to get surgery at 9 for my appendix bc my parents neglects me medically for months when I had recurring stomach infections. I was about to die…. The doctors said I was lucky if I waited another day. My parents literally didn’t give a flying shit about me. They were so horrible!!! On every level, medically, emotionally, physically oh and they left me to be sexually abused that’s also fun and didn’t notice when I was struggling in school. They didn’t even know and they didn’t bc they never paid attention. My father was physically abusive shortly after my birth. That’s when he would beat my mom and my sisters barley witnessed it but I did. I was there for all of it and had to act like I wasn’t sexually abused or that I wasn’t seeing violence one a regular basis. Just stuck in survival mode. Fuckkkkkkk themmmmmmmm I’m at my breaking point after 20 years of no one giving a shit about me or the after math and trying to function in this world I’m so limited. Like my life stunted. I know I don’t want to be helpless like I need to get out but how. I’m still stuck here. And even if I leave the effects of the trauma are so severe how will I provide for myself and manage. I can’t even mange now with what I’m doing. It’s so conflicting like when I’m home I just disassociate most of it. When I’m at my boyfriends I’m so afraid to make mistakes and Apologize for everything and I think he’s getting annoyed by it. He will go to the bathroom and I sprint to throw my trash or any spills he didn’t see bc I’m having a flash back of being criticized and so I don’t feel safe doing basic things in front of people. Like growing up I was constantly bullied by my parents for not doing things they never asked me to do. Anyway there’s a lot. But I have this intense rage like I wanna see them all suffer I’d never act on it but I feel it. At the same time feeling bad that I feel it and feeling like I’m so messed up and it’s all my fault and then disassociating after that.",3 "So! I'm curious what people who have to deal with OCD wish they could laser beam the information into a loved one's brain so they just understood For me they are: 1. That rationality aren't knock downs for some of my more...persistent obsessions 2. That my self esteem is actually entwined with the worry, guilt, and hyper responsibility 3. And that while I have control issues and need things incredibly clean, it's not coming from a place of joy- I don't LIKE being in charge, I don't LIKE cleaning, I do it to avoid relentless anxiety and do wish I could relax when it comes to normal levels of mess (nothing unhygienic will be okay for me) Number 1 is the real toughie for me when trying to communicate with people about how OCD is for me; I understand logic, my base person is actually quite rational + mechanical in a way, but it just doesn't resolve things for me emotionally when I'm stuck in some tough loops and I get frustrated when it isn't working and then someone reminds me that it should or that I'm somehow not letting it work Bit of a vent here, mostly wondering if others are frustrated explaining the same part of OCD to people, maybe get some tips on how to communicate it better going forward Hope everyone's day has been okay, and if it hasn't been that things are better later!",1 "It's been so long. Winter is changing to spring, and the anniversaries are kicking my ass. It's been so long. I don't know him anymore. I don't know whether he is the same. I'm not the same. I'm not there anymore, and I know that. I have so many good things, and yet when the seasons change, it gets worse every time. But it's been so long. How many years do I have to go through feeling like this? How long will it be until I forget everything? I've been able to move on through a lot, I've improved in many ways, but I'm still not fully over it, and it still hurts so much. I still feel so much fear. I'm getting nightmares again. I'm getting flashbacks again. How fucking long will it take for this to be done? I don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to miss him anymore. He has a whole new life and has probably not had a single thought about me in years, and yet so much of my life is still fucked up because of him. I'm so unbelievably tired of this, I feel so dumb and pathetic for not being able to just live my life like a normal person. I wish it would stop, and I'm so scared that it never will, and I'll spend the rest of my life dealing with all this pain. I wish I could tear my heart out just to stop feeling it. I'm not suicidal, I don't want to die, but god I want it to stop. I really hope it does someday.",3 "Tonight was supposed to be the end of the first good day I’ve had in a while, and right as I was leaving the bathroom next to my parents bedroom my dad patted me on the shoulder, which prompted me to spray disinfectant on my shoulder and hair and lather hand sanitizer on it too, which lead to me taking my shirt off before going downstairs, where my mom was bringing the dog in. She went up stairs after jokingly asking if the heat was getting to me and afterwards I flew into a small rage of sorts and started trying to break things, which caught my dads attention from upstairs as he came down to check on the commotion and found me in the kitchen trying to reassemble a hand sanitizer dispenser. He asked what had happened and I was honest to him, which clearly upset him, as he barely said anything after fixing the dispenser and headed back upstairs in complete silence apart from an “it’s okay” comment. My mom came down not to long afterwards as I was cleaning up the remains of an apple that I also destroyed, which I’m aware is pathetic, and proceeded to talk to me about how poorly my behavior is effecting him and the rest of my family. I feel like a monster, I feel like an abuser, and the guilt is killing me",1 "I have trouble swallowing pills, to the point that if I can't break them into smaller pieces or dissolve them I won't take it. I've had mental breakdowns when people try to make me take pills (not aggressively but they just think I'm overreacting and push me to do it). Even when i try to take bigger ones i literally cannot get myself to swallow them I'm scared it'll get stuck in my throat or just having the general annoying feeling of something big sliding in my throat. Even when eating food i make sure to chew it really well Is this related to my autism or just me?",3 "In recent months, I realized that how I’ve been waking up for years is not normal/healthy. I’m curious if anyone here can relate to this. Personally, I wake up and am INSTANTLY bombarded with 1000 thoughts at once, ranging from events I have coming up, to personal insecurities, to that TV show I want to watch later, to fictional storylines that pointlessly play in my mind for some reason. I explained this to some family recently and nobody could relate to waking up like this. Apparently, there’s “normal” people who just wake up on a Sunday morning with no thought in particular in their mind?... They just blissfully fade back into the world after a nice deep slumber, without a bombardment of chaos? That’s not me lol. Because my brain lacks dopamine, I feel like my mind instantly goes into overdrive upon waking up, as it’s trying to find something stimulating right away. I can literally feel my mind switching channels at a rapid pace, trying to find a stimulating tangent to hyper-fixate on. It’s rather chaotic, doesn’t feel nice. Anyways, does anyone else have something similar? Are there any tips for combating this? I’m thinking I’ll start meditating immediately upon waking up. I’ve also tried different meds recently but none have worked, I’m hoping my psych lets me try a stimulant med next. Thanks!",0 I’m going to a concert tonight and I’m getting really nervous because I cannot decide whether to take my short acting medication or not. I like to stay on routine so it’s been a bit difficult because I take the long acting during the day and short acting at night. is this healthy? Is this too much?,0 "i got prescribed fluoxetine (10mg) but i'm scared to start them, and reading the side effects that some people get makes me super nervous. any thoughts? thanks in advance!!",2 "Hello, So I don't know if this is a common ADHD thing, but for some time now, I have been extremely bothered by the noise my devices make. It's this constant vibration that I only hear at night (all the people who stayed over say they haven't heard much) and it is making me completely lose sleep in addition to driving me crazy. It's 5:30 AM here, I haven't slept at all and I have a migraine when I have an exam in a few hours. Due to sensory issues, I cannot pu anything in my ears to cover the noise. Does anybody else experience this ? And if so, do you have any tips ? I haven't slept in days and I'm on the verge of collapsing.",0 "Because I have a physical disability and got called every name in the book, mainly the ones revolving around bring ""retarded"", and it really fucks with me emotionally because I question myself daily. I've never ever been diagnosed with any developmental disorder and been tested for it many times. My mom started to become delusional and would be convinced I was ""retarded"" with ""a mind of an 11 year"" and would go to doctors, only to have THEM tell her that's not the case- and then it got worst and she believed I was an animal mutant. Really fucking hurts and it haunts me The only reason why I don't know how to do things as an adult is because she taught me NOTHING about it, and would try to keep me stuck inside as much as possible. I am too scared to even cook because she used to constantly take over whenever I tried and tell me how I'd mess up anyways. It takes a great toll on me mentally. Only recently, at age 19 fucking years old, I went to Wal Mart on my own the first time. It was terrible btw, it was so scary. I felt like an idiot the whole time. It went as far as her trying to bathe me and wash me because she didn't think I could do it on my own. I like age regression because like for many, it makes me feel safe and happy. I like collecting and cutesy items, but now it's also a burden for me because Im reminded of things. BPD is like a personality identity crisis lmao, different moods all the time and other bullark. It really fucks with you. Anyone else kinda dealing with the same thing? I have Moebius Syndrome so I doubt someone out there is dealing with the EXACT same thing- but anyone dealing with something similar?? I saw a meme about BPD and trauma and how it makes you feel so much younger than you are- which reminded me of my situation. It feels nice knowing I'm not the only one with this issue, though I wish no one had to suffer.",3 "How many hours per day do you spend obsessing and doing compulsions? [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/or8xy0)",1 "My pysch thinks I’m on the spectrum. No big surprise if confirmed that I am. I scored like 80 something on a test where over 30 indicates one might be on the spectrum. Referred for an actual assessment now The thing is I don’t know what to think. If her suspicions are true well there’s some vindication in that - it would explain A LOT. Especially at my age where I have a lot to reflect on. But I’m not sure how helpful it is. I have a well paying job and am independent. But I hate my job and every job I’ve had, they are either too stressful or too boring and often both. But that at least is something I can handle and have been handling and developed a million accommodations in order to do it. But socially I can’t be normal. I can fake it well enough at work and most of my interaction is written which allows me to prepare and erase and follow up. Probably my most annoying tendency is to ask way too many questions, including some that probably seem stupid. But I get away with it. And I don’t have to socially do small talk much. But beyond that nothing. No significant other. No dating life because I have no charisma or social groups or even shared interests (I’m also seriously unfit which is a death note to any dating life). No friends. No activity partners. Nothing. And now I have this diagnosis I feel that I can’t fight it. I have to accept a seriously abnormal or nonexistent social life and be a pariah. I’m not sure I can. At one time I wanted a family. That will likely never happen. If I loved my job or even some obsessive interest I might have a reason. But now I feel there is no point - you can have all your basic survival needs but if you don’t have a vital component of life everyone else seems to naturally have why stick around to see it all get worse?",3 "As a kid I couldn't concentrate in school no matter how hard I tried, now I'm 39, I literally can't watch tv, read a book, mind is constantly restless so I literally can't think straight, can't fall asleep naturally, have had depression and anxiety since 15 and no medication as helped, I have read ADHD often gets misdiagnosed as depression and anxiety, I would kill to be able to chill and watch a movie but I can never relax or chill. As soon as I wake up with depression I can't just stay in bed because my mind is restless. I was also heavily abusing solvents as a teenager so that could be causing all symptoms, getting assessed Monday, wish me luck.",0 "Maybe I’m overreacting but I’m terrified for what my future holds for me. I’m 26 years old now and currently unemployed. I’ve been through 10 jobs in the past 8-9 months. Ever since January 2021, I quit my machining job of 3 years I haven’t been able to keep a job since. I’ll get an interview for a place and set up a start date and simply won’t show up due to lack of motivation and anxiety. Anxiety due to new places and new people and motivation due to mental health. I’m not looking for excuses I’m just looking for answers. I’m severely depressed I know that but I can’t afford medication. So it’s really tough to get going again.. I’ve been lucky enough to have a family friend let me stay at their place. Unfortunately I’ve been lying to them about where I work (after getting fired for no show) and sleeping in my car in a parking lot somewhere. I manage to scrounge up rent money by doing Doordash and selling some of my assets. I’m one bad lie away from being homeless. I just want to know how and or why you would get yourself out of my position. I won’t because I’d rather die of hypothermia or starvation then deal with the everyday emotions I struggle with on top of responsibilities. It’s too much for me to handle. Thanks.",2 "It would be in the next few hours if anyone was available. We could chat and exchange numbers or some other form of social media, depending on comfortability. Dealing with a very hard and complicated situation related to OCD and life.",1 I see the dog lying down and I need to watch to make sure they’re breathing. I hear a noise I don’t expect at night and I’m in fight or flight mode for ten minutes and frozen in bed to afraid to see if my worst fears were true. I get worried sick when I see my mother do anything mildly intensive physically because I’m afraid she’s gonna get herself killed. I’m just so fuckin scared all the time and I just hide in video games where I can reset if shit goes wrong and I can pretend like I’m alright. I’ve had *just* enough of my pets and one of my loved ones taken from me in ways that I could never have guessed and it’s left me permanently on high alert. I hate it.,3 I'm really not OK.... Getting burned in the house fire really fucked me up its starting to ruin my normal everyday life ....... What do I do ????? Why do I feel like I did something wrong I mean I woke everyone up in the house but I don't feel like a hero I feel like all I did was get burnt cause I had bad karma coming ... Did I???? Did I not???? Who knows .... Either way I can't sleep,3 "I don’t know how it’s possible to keep moving forward in life when my mind is a constant cycle of obsessions. It never fails.. there’s always a thought that has the power to keep me stuck. It’s even more depressing knowing some of my obsessions probably wouldn’t make any sense or mean anything to other people, but they destroy my mental. Taking my life right away from me.. I hate losing my will to do the things I love, or just enjoy life over this pain I feel within.",1 "I have a really overbearing friend right now who really is just focused on her own life and expects everyone to revolve around that, which whatever, fine. But I can’t deal right now. I’m just trying to keep myself alive through this particular episode and I can’t answer to her beck and call. Any advice on how to word it so I can set boundaries but not be a complete dick?",2 "Inspired by a post on r/nextfuckinglevel in which a teenager with Down Syndrome bench presses 355 pounds. I believe it’s just a myth created by NT’s to stereotype us further. However, I have encountered fellow Aspie’s who’ve displayed feats of strength beyond that of a simple adrenaline rush when angered. I’ve witnessed peers from special ed kick through the glass panes of heavy steel doors, a girl takedown and pin male teens twice her size, I’ve been pushed 6 feet back by a former campmate after accidentally enraging him. So maybe there is some truth to what the comments are saying about us possessing inner bloodlust. Be great if you guys could provide any examples of your experience with angry outbursts, or maybe even disprove the theory.",3 "This has been going on for so long and it pisses me off. I keep trying to talk to people, but it feels like everyone just ignores me. If I message a friend, there's a 50/50 chance they'll respond to me, and if it's a group of friends, then it's a 50/50 chance for each of them, maybe less. So many times have I tried to organize things with people and get few or no responses. And it's not just with friends, even on the internet I feel ignored. There are so many times where I've made posts or comments asking a question or asking for help and either get few or no responses. Recently I made posts on two D&D subreddits asking for help making a one-shot, and I got five comments total between each post. Why do I even bother trying to talk to people if no one ever pays attention to me?",3 "My grades are not that grade. I have been getting mostly A’s and B’s but I have a few C’s and TWO D’s. I feel like I am not where I should be academically. Not only that, but I have a poor social life, I barely talk to anyone here at college. Most people meet their love at college but I only have one friend here that I regularly talk to. COVID seriously fucked me up. I had people that I talked to at my dorm but that all changed with COVID. I hate college, I hate my life, and I hate myself. I want our!",2 "Hey everyone! So I was recently diagnosed at 31 years old and today I spoke to the therapist and she wants me to try Wellbutrin first. She decided this because I used drugs 15 years ago when I was a teenager (have ten years sober and this is absolutely 0% of a concern to me because I don’t consider myself an addict) and she tells me I have mood problems though I feel like she is over exaggerating about this. I don’t have any depression and only very mild anxiety which I would actually consider a nonissue. I’m afraid to be on something I have to take every day and can’t just quit if I hate it. My bf takes it and he has described feeling like he’s “watching himself” and I can not explain how much I don’t want to feel that lmfao. Like, honestly I feel like dissociating like that could lead to me having a total mental break down. I guess I’m just looking for reassurance from other normal people rather than just trusting this doctor Ive only met 1 time to have my best interest at heart. Im starting nursing school mid January and don’t want to feel all messed up in the head while I start this journey. I would love any advice or experiences. Thank you everyone!",0 "Been with my partner for almost 4 years now. He knows my diagnosis and why (although zero details) The only time my trauma is brought up is if I’m triggered and can’t hide it. Otherwise, none of us bring it up. He’s told me before, multiple times, that he wishes I’d share when it’s on my mind. And he wishes he was more helpful. How do you guys do it? I don’t feel the need to tell him what happened, but when I’m feeling down I think I should share? Usually if it’s bad enough I’ll just say I’m having an off day and I don’t wanna talk about it. So he respects that, even though he wishes I’d share. Idk how I feel. I certainly see the benefit in sharing. But I also am not fond of sharing. None of my friends know I have PTSD / trauma. Only my bf and therapist. Do you guys discuss bad days with your partner?",3 A lot of stuff out there right now with meditation and manifesting our own reality and the laws of attraction is making it very hard for me to do ERP … I have contamination OCD and fear me and my children will become infected … after doing ERP for a week everyday listening to myself on a recording about how I contracted a horrible life threatening disease and then a month later I actually got a diagnosis of a bacterial infection that has the potential to spread to my brain and has to be monitored for 2 years … what if the ERP work made me manifest this reality ?,1 "hiya everyone. so i have a conundrum, which is having a high processing speed and weak working memory. Apparently it's not a thing that occurs a lot because whenever I try to get info on it it always comes up with low processing speed and low working memory. Also an IQ test (one done by a psychologist not online) it's only seen in 3.9% of those who take the kid (6-16 i think) IQ test (I took this test 2 years ago but its been brought up for this issue specifically). I just wanted to kind of see if anyone else has something like this because there is literally no info, help or tips on how to figure out what to do, more so in reference to school and kind of studying. Like I guess I know all the stuff and process it but then keeping it in my brain is annoying because it seems the more I write notes and try to remember it... the worse it gets. Its kind of similar to visual exhaustion I guess, like when you have a pile of clothes on the ground or a messy room and you don't see it after a while because its just existing now. TL:DR: does anyone have a high processing speed and weak working memory? if so how do you make sure information and I guess more so school/study stuff stay in your brain without becoming the equivilent of a messy room when you get used to it and it becomes background.",0 "Feed back would be awesome. I don’t normally write but with no sleep for 6 weeks somehow this came to me. I cry myself to sleep While I listen to you breath Why do I have this beast inside I never get a break from her fight You say it’s my mind I say that I’m fine So what is real Because I can’t even feel Is love enough to make it Even if the fire is lit Am I that messed up What about being told to never give up I want to run and hide But would my family survive",3 "I don't want to blame everything on depression, but around the time that my depression became much worse (around the time I entered adulthood) I noticed that my creativity started to suffer. I always just chalked it up to growing up.",2 "My depressive mind convinces me that I've had depression for the majority of my life, and this may very well be true. It hasn't been until more recent years (mid 20s) that I realized how large a role lonliness plays in my depressive cycles. Lonliness can occur when you're literally -- alone -- but also when you feel alone in your experience. Depression for me has always been typified by a deep sense of isolation. And what's worse, is that when I am deeply depressed, the few people I have in my life want to be further separated from me. I'm not fun to be around. So of course, I then feel even more isolated and disregarded. Sometimes I want to say to the people in my life, ""I could be dead,"" to try to make them remember why it is that they love me. But I know that this can make certain relationships overly complicated at best and co-dependent at worst. So it's a positive-feedback loop... a spiral. Also, a chicken-or-the-egg question of, ""was I depressed first or lonely?"" At our core, humans remain tribal, family-oriented beings. All human action is performed to ultimately be received by another human, even in the most indirect way.. Depression for me feels like a physical disconnection from my human need for connection to others. Although I often describe it more as a void -- a dark emptiness that captures everything with meaning and either obliterates it or transforms it into shards of glass that fly back at me to inflict a sharp pain. The pain is a real pain of being separated from the pack. When we are alone for too long, our biology starts working against us.. That being said, I don't know if people with depression can simply turn to other members of their ""tribe"" to help pull them out of it. But I think interacting with other people who have or are experiencing depression MIGHT help fill that basic need for connection. I've never tried group therapy, but I'd imagine it would be useful in filling this need. This thread is a useful (somewhat impersonal) form in a way. Certain drugs are maybe useful in this regard through connection to the collective unconscious or extending understandings of sentience beyond the human realm. But in the least, being seen and heard by another human being can be immensely healing. Or on the flip-side, seeing or hearing another person's story can also do this. I think this is something innate to being human. Since all human activity is interconnected, we derive meaning from one another. And this is why I think this page can be so useful, too. All this to say... for me, depression is inextricably linked to lonliness. Whether that's because depression leads to lonliness (lonliness in the world or as an internal experience) or lonliness that leads to depression. I'm curious if you have a similar connection. Thanks for reading all this.",2 "I have work tomorrow. It’s almost 9:30 pm and I usually go to bed around 10. Morning showers never work for me and I never have enough time. I HAVE to take a shower tonight but I can’t find the energy, motivation, or point of one. Please please help",2 " hey, so recently I had a dream I was in a poly relationship. I’m VERY monogamous and even in the dream I was extremely uncomfortable. I am even now. I’m so worried I’m actually poly due to that dream and because I can’t stop thinking about “what if”. I’m in a happy mono relationship and don’t want anyone else or to add anyone to the relationship at all. I can’t love more than one person, If I had two people dating me I’d definitely fall for one of those two and not want the other. so, why is this dream bothering me so much? it’s making me sick. I just want my boyfriend why am I feeling so disconnected.",1 "So, for the next few months, I'm going to a remote area where I'll be working by myself for almost 6 months. In situations like these, I feel lonely and inattentive -- and just disconnected from people/the world. This obviously ruins my productivity. Do you guys have some tips on how I can generate some positive background noise that makes me feel like I'm connected to the people of the world? I know this sound bizarre. Having a 24-hours news channel ON used to be a good way to do this, but, now, it just sucks and has become distracting instead. I'm trying to use background music. It should help. Low-intensity podcasts too. Any other tips?",0 " I can never seem to find any info on this, Emotions such as losing empathy from harm ocd, or false attraction, from sexual themes, i even hear people experiencing butterflies from sexual themes, urges, feelings like u enjoy a thought from ROCD, harmOCD ect. I know that ocd is triggered by anxiety but I can’t seem to find any answers or wrap my head around how it can manifest emotions that feel exactly that like real emotions. Does anyone know why ocd does this? I just can’t wrap my head around how ocd can manage to replicate exact emotions to the point we’re u cant tell what’s real or not",1 "I've lived in my apartment for a year (alone) and it is hard to keep up cleaning. My dorm room was messy too but it was much easier to manage since it was small. Now I have a kitchen, small living area, desk, bathroom, and bedroom to maintain. There are weeks in school where I am basically just studying all the time and eat like I've lost the will to live. I haven't cooked or gone to the gym in over a month and a half because of my commitments as well. City inspection is coming tommorow morning and I just got ""motivation"" to clean like an hour ago. Now the place looks a bit tidier. I feel so ashamed that it doesn't look nice most of the time like my friends' apartments do. It makes me feel like a failure since I'm in a serious relationship with my bf and he migh move in next semester. He has ADHD and is messy as well so idk how this is going to work. He's tried to help out cleaning before when mutual friends come over. And even though I know he is trying his best, he is as distracted by things as I am so it is very hard. I'm on medication but it isn't working well due to tolerance but I am a bit of a pussy about changing medications in the middle of the semester. Before this semester, my meds worked great and I seemed to have more time to cook and go to the gym and but cleaning consistently has always been somewhat of a challenge.",0 "Hi, I'm new here! I have an ADHD assessment booked for January and I'm already worried. I show basically all the inattentive symptoms and most of the hyperactivity symptoms, so I'm fairly sure I'm going to be diagnosed with ADHD. But my worry is about the treatment. I've had Wellbutrin before for depression, and it had horrid effects on me and I'm never touching that stuff again. Went through all SSRIs and SNRIs, and even a MAOI, none of them have worked for me. So I'm thinking they'd want to start me on Concerta (the most common one here AFAIK), but I'm quite tiny. I'm only around 45 kg (BMI 18ish so technically underweight), and I've always been unable to gain any more weight. So, the point is: Will they refuse to medicate me with stimulants just because I'm thin? I've heard that loss of appetite & weight loss is a common thing with them, but I'm sure I could combat it with extra nutrition shakes like I've done with some of my previous medications that have made me nauseous with zero appetite. If it's more location/provider specific, I'm in Scotland and assessed privately by ADHD Direct. But any generic advice would be great too!",0 I'm very good at listening and will try to help as much as I possibly can,2 "...I only look back I cannot imagine a futurein this world, I can't even see it properly in my mind I have no dreams and hopes, I just live, from day to day thinking about my day, never kf the duture because it scares me The furthest I think forward is the unknown time I hurl myself into the icecold river with 30 kg steel strapped around my neck, preventing me from ""changing my mind"" last minute and preventing my body being found And the rest of my thoughts lie in the past, thinking about the mistakes I made, sometimes the memories I'll miss with my friends, sometimes thinking I should have done it earlier",2 "Hey there, before getting to the main points of the post I want to make two things clear: -I’m not as of now diagnosed with Aspergers but I have taken online tests that suggest so and I resonate with the symptoms a lot. -I am not a doctor nor am I a researcher or anything like that. I’m simply telling my experience with something which is the core problem that people with Aspergers struggle with: personal connections. Now this will sound unholy to some of you but I smoke weed. Nukem strain to be exact (65% sativa, 35% indica, with 20% THC) and let me tell you this: -I speak to my family on a deeper level and the quality of the conversation is just unbeatable! -I can understand the meaning behind bits of the “unspoken” language of hidden messages and non verbal communication. -I receive relatively better attention from the opposite sex as an effect of the above. I’m putting this message to say that weed helps me with human connection, I get bursts of it that are impossible to achieve with my sober brain. And I hope that more research can be done on this it’s serious!!!!",3 "Hi guys I’m new here, I just really feel like I need to get this out. I feel like the past few months have been the most difficult in my whole life. I was born in Greece and moved to England with my family when I was 13, I am now nearly 22 and just work full time doing a job that I know I don’t want to do for the rest of my life. My dream has always been to travel and I’ve been saving up to do that. Covid slowed my plans down but I didn’t mind too much as my plan was to go in September or a bit later. I have now found out I’m pregnant and I have been so stressed out because I can’t make a decision on what to do as I keep changing my mind. On top of that I got a written warning at work for having time off even though I had doctors notes of all my absences in the past. On Saturday I also found out my grandma passed away. I am devastated she was and will always be my favourite person in the world, she raised me I spent so much of my childhood with her and I couldn’t even go to the funeral but at least I got to see her two weeks ago as I went to visit her in hospital but she couldn’t speak. She doesn’t live in England which is why I couldn’t be with her. I just feel like so much has been happening one thing after the other and I’m breaking down I don’t know what to do. Going back to the baby there’s a part of me that wants it and a part of me doesn’t. The main reason is the travelling. I don’t know if I’m ready to have responsibilities and commitments and not go travelling like I’ve always wanted to, but another part of me thinks that this happened for a reason and I really want to keep my baby. What I’m scared of is ending up living hefe forever and not be happy. My dream wa aka ways to live by the beach in a hotter country. I feel like this will not be possible if I keep this baby, please if any of you know any good and easy places where I can do that or have any advice I would appreciate it so much!",2 I have PE from similar drug imipramine that I took for 4 months . How long does it take to PE to go away ?,1 "Anybody else get super anxious about forgetting something? Every time I have something in supposed to get done I remember it at the least convenient time and end up forgetting about it again. Knowing that I could be forgetting something at any moment causes me a lot of anxiety. I’m not on medication currently, Does medication tend to help with memory at all?",0 "The semester just started with a lecture on deviant behavior and delinquency. My professor, who will also teach a seminar on stigma, stressed that he'd rather people who are late didn't disturb the class and stayed outside. So I send him an email afterwards, asking him to excuse and make an exception for my deviant behavior of always being late because I have a medical explanation for it. I explained what time blindness is and promised that I would try extra hard to be on time but will still probably fail to do so regularly but that I would hate to miss classes because of this. I finished by saying that me being late was in no way meant to be disrespecting him, my classmates or the social norms of his classes. Let's hope he finds it funny and makes an exception for me.",0 "I’m a 25 F and finally learning how to drive. Not going to lie it’s been a struggle because I constantly zone out and when I do try to focus, I cannot focus on so many things at once (stop signs, staying in the lane, indicating my turn, GPS directions, maintaining speed and all the other stuff). I do need to start driving though because the public transport in my new city isn’t as good as the other one. Does anyone have any tips on driving well? I’m terrified I’ll end up in an accident and ruin someone’s life. P.S. I do not take medication for ADHD and do not have access to them.",0 "Hi all, I found out last year I have ADHD. Through my therapist who suggested I get tested, sure enough my new primary doc was convinced and I got diagnosed. I had always felt like I sort of “stumbled” through my life. Excelled in certain subjects in school, failed miserably in others. Really excelled in college. Now I’m 30, married, and in a career field where I have to lead lots of teams and help develop strategy/systems, etc. I am wondering if there is anyone in here who had ADHD who had been able to excel with it, and I want to know what your systems/habits/environment is like to allow that to happen? At this time I feel like I’m sort of “coasting”.",0 "Obviously I don't ask you to diagnose me with anything. I'm at best looking for a new perspective and maybe a suggestion in wich direction I should further research, but this is mostly just to vent my frustration. So I've been elaboratly researching autism for almost half a year now with taking information both from autistic people describing their own unique experience and broader scientific articles. I have also done multiple online assessment over multiple months and they all say I'm either very likely to be autistic or at least have some autistic traits. But I am aware that those don't equal a professional assessment in any way! (I am trying to seek out an actual assessment currently) But there are some things that don't match up. While I do have significant social difficulties they are not as severe as I think they ""should be"" to fully convince me that I'm autistic. The other thing is that I score incredibly low on the systemising quotient. Even lower a good portion lower than neurotypical women (the group that scores the lowest). This confuses me a lot bc from what I understand being highly systemising is an essential part of autism. The main reason I started researching in the first place was bc of my nonverbal episodes. I have looked into selective mutism as an alternative explanations, but this doesn’t exactly describes my experience. Whereas autistic nonverbal episodes do. Another reason I started considering I might be autistic is because a very painful thing I have been experiencing for most of my life seems best to be described by autistic shutdowns and meltdowns. (I get emotionally incredibly overwhelmed to a point I can't handle anything anymore, I can't talk and sometimes not even move while I experience the maximum limit of emotional pain I am physically able to feel) Is there any other diagnoses/ multiple diagnoses that would explain this? And possibly also contain/ have a correlation with hyperfixations, prosopagnosia (face blindness), alexithyima, immense executive disfunction and emotional disregulation and also sensory issues in very specific areas. While writing this I realised (again) that some of the listed symptoms are adhd symptoms and I did some very quick adhd research wich lead me to the conclusion that I should put more energy into researching the exact differences between adhd and autism. The thing is I heavily relate to all overlapping symptoms. (I know the difference is in the underlying mechanisms that causes them but currently I don't know much about that. I want to look more into it) But I only partially relate to autism and adhd specific symptoms. I relate heavier to adhd only symptoms than I do to autism only symptoms but there are the specific experiences I already described that I have only found explained by autism. This is frustrating.",3 I don’t understand if it’s something linked to my anxiety/OCD or Asperger,3 "Hi. I just found out today that my husband suffers from PTSD. He is in an inpatient drug treatment facility and today was our first family counseling session. The therapist told me that he has PTSD. I was shocked but just nodded and said OK. I didn't ask any questions. Considering what I've read about it since this morning a lot of his behaviours are making much more sense. I know he didn't have a great childhood and has struggled with addiction, anxiety and depression most of his adult life. He is 48 and we have only been together 6 years. I don't know what the trauma was that caused it but to be honest, I really want to ask. I'm not sure if I should ask though. How can I offer support without seeming overbearing or crossing any personal boundaries? Can anyone offer suggestions as to how I can help? He is the love of my life and seeing him suffer alone is heartbreaking. Thank you.",3 "Hello! I have recently accepted my ADHD diagnosis that I originally pushed for and then gave up on. I tried Adderall, which did not help. And then Ritalin, which did not help. So I assumed that meant I didn't have ADHD and gave up. My current therapist happens to specialize in adults with ADHD and said, no, actually, your superhuman immunity to stimulants means you DO have it. 😂 Ope. I reluctantly tried Vyvanse...because I'm on Medicaid (fully covered) but about to lose it (on the hook for $300/mo oop). I didn't want to find out it works and then not be able to afford it. It works. 😔 Ope. **EDIT:** *I've read up on the assistance program now and will be looking into it. Love this place!* So, I'll get to the real question in a second I swear, but if you've experienced issues with Adderall and Ritalin (they don't ""wake me up"" or help me concentration or feel normal at all...they just make my heart race at higher doses), but success with Vyvanse....and then had to go off of it...did you find anything else that worked? **Actual question starts HERE:** Everything I read about Vyvanse crash is about the same day! Or extended withdrawals from quitting. However, what I'm experiencing is: + An uptick in anxiety at the end of the day, which I've managed by taking my twice-a-day-as-needed anxiety med at night in addition to my usual morning. + If I try to skip my Vyvanse for the day, around the 22 hour mark I am shoved into a dark closet of brain fog. Slowed slurred speech, exhaustion, disinterest, trouble processing, etc. The second time I noticed the fog, I took my dose late in the day and timed how long it took to feel better. Almost exactly 30 minutes. My partner even noticed and asked what flipped my switch. + *This is the new, concerning one...* A few times now, I've done my usual, running late thing of having a cup of coffee and whatever sugary thing I find laying around for breakfast. This is BEFORE taking my meds for the day. Suddenly, my heart is racing and my hands are shaking. You'd think from too much stimulation, right? Well, this morning when it happened, followed by stuttering and confusion at work along with other ""this is weird and uncomfortable"" body sensations, I decided to take the Vyvanse anyway, and within a half hour felt normal again. I mean, obviously the lesson here is ""take your Vyvanse every day at the same time, don't skip, figure out how to keep getting it, and also stop eating cookies for breakfast."" But, I just can't figure out what the heck is happening in me. I don't feel like I'm in danger at all so I probably won't discuss with my psych (unless that changes). I'm just curious if anyone else has had physical symptoms like this outside the norm. If it matters, I'm a woman, and I do NOT have hyperactivity.",0 "I was just diagnosed with ptsd after my fathers passing 3 months ago. I watched him die from Covid I. The hospital right beside him. I am struggling. It’s effecting my marriage, friendships, and all around life. Please… I just need help. Sn: I do have a therapist a doctor and will be seeing a psychiatrist soon. I am also medicated this post is not for medical advice. I just need people to talk to.",3 "I texted my wonderful wife yesterday and said, ""I hope you had a good workout!"" and she replied that she had been picking up and dropping off the kids this afternoon and doesn't get to go to the gym on Tuesdays. She was even a little hurt that I don't know her schedule when she knows mine *and* all the kids. She understands me and my brain so well and is so patient with me but I can understand how every once and a while it can get frustrating for her. I let her know that I understand where she's coming from- and I wish I could keep track of all that stuff as well. I hate disappointing my loved ones.",0 "I’m going to film school for a degree in film concept art. I was in a zoom class a few weeks ago and the subject came up that my husband, a film director, was working on a movie about autism acceptance. The class thought it was cool. I mentioned “yes! And my husband has Asperger’s too, so it’s cool that he has this opportunity.” And my professor kind of laughed and said “is that why he is always playing call of duty?” (A few weeks ago in my class they all heard him yelling after a bad COD match and I apologized, saying my husband was playing COD) I was taken off guard and started to nervously explain that yes, he loves games with repeating matches like that, but I trailed off because I didn’t know how to take that, really. Am I reading too much into this? Something about it bugs me.",3 "I am inattentive adhd and I highly suspect my 12 year old is as well. Too many similarities, and now she's getting the point in school, 6th grade, where the teachers are expecting kids to right down and remember the homework to bring home. I use my phone and a connected digital watch to help me keep track of alarms and reminders throughout the day, otherwise I forget to things. Like pick up said child 🤦🏽‍♀️ My daughter doesn't have a phone. My husband and I aren't considering phones until she's at least in 7th/8th grade. And really, she doesn't need to whip out a phone during class or have it make noise during that time. I'm thinking of getting her a digital watch. Something that won't break the bank but that we can set reminders on so that may it will vibrate with the reminder or an alarm set on vibrate. Alert her that way like 30 minutes before school is out bring home her math book (usual thing left at school). She writes the assignments down but as you know once it's out of sight, it's out of mind. So she forgets to bring home the needed materials and then get marked down for missing assignments. I'm just looking for suggestions. It doesn't need to make calls, or get connect online - though the online is nice if I need to send her a message since her school does have wifi but isn't necessary. Does anyone have experience with doing this for their kiddos or such?",0 "The plan was: go for a run at 7:30 am with my dog, shower at 8 am, eat at 8:30 am, then start work at my remote job by 9 am. Take a break at 12 pm to eat lunch, then start work again at 1 pm to finish by 4 pm so I can begin cooking for my partner when she gets home for 6 pm. How it is going: woke up at 9 am, go out of bed at 10 am, made breakfast and only ate one bite of it before having to go poo 💩 at 10:30 am, then on my way back (11 am) I went back to bed Cus those blankets just looked so damn comfy and warm! Got out of bed at 1 pm because I had to pee, and now I have been on social media for an hour on the toilet. This is a guilty confession of sorts I guess. I do this stuff a lot and always whenever my partner is working at the office on mondays and Tuesdays. I don’t want to do it but in the moment I almost don’t care. My job is remote and not very demanding, and I did check if it was fine to be putting full time hours despite not having much to do and they said yes (research job so if the money doesn’t get used it goes back to the govt anyways). That said there is lots of work I could be doing at my job, as it’s very flexible and dependent on the effort put into it. Yet I dont work on it every work day, especially when I’m home alone. I’ll still likely get all the house things done and cook in time for my partner but at this rate I am not going to do any work on my job and this happens every monday and Tuesday. I am on concerta but still I have struggled to keep myself accountable since moving out of my parents place in 2019. How does everyone else spend days alone?",0 "My psychologist thinks I may have OCD, I've thought the same thing for a while, first I reached out for help because of my derealization, but now I don't know if my derealization is a consequence of my possible OCD as my anxiety was getting out of control, that's why I wanted to ask if some of you that have OCD have experienced it before",1 "I take medication for my ocd, I’ve been increasing my dosage as the thoughts just come back and it feel like I’m back to square one with all these thoughts I really don’t want to be on a high dose forever I feel like my thoughts will always be there no matter how much therapy and meds I take",1 I'm 18 I was in special education in high so when I graduated they gave me a certificate of completion which is kind like thank you for participating but you did not win type paper and I didn't even want to go to graduate just didn't for the family know I'm trying to get my GED and I fear if I don't pass it what will happen will I even be able to pass it and I fear how I might feel if I failed because then I know that I am not good enough it not really about the job opportunities I'll get more about me proveing to myself that I am equal to the normal people and that I have a right to live to but scared how it might crush me if I fail not that there is anything wrong with not having one just it more about me proving something to myself I'm sure I could get a job doing something but this isn't about money it about me knowing I'm equal and if I can't manage then I can always end it,3 "Ultimately, I've been feeling like my emotions are not as intense as in the past and like I don't enjoy things as much as I used to. I don't know for sure what lead me to feel like that. Usually I don't feel depressed, but maybe emotionless or empty. There's rarely any situation that makes me feel excited or sad (this numbness applies both to positive and negative feelings). But even though I don't feel depressed, it's still really bad, because I feel like I'm kind of dead inside, and doing some things seems just meaningless... Also, I think it affects my interaction with other people, as it probably makes me look like a boring person. So I've been wondering what might have caused these feelings and if they may indicate symptoms of depression or not.",2 My mom just texted me that she got diagnosed inattentive ADHD. My brother and my aunt are also diagnosed. With a disorder that’s so highly genetic please tell me why my doctor keeps telling me it’s just depression causing my difficulty with focusing. So frustrating!! I’m thinking about going on one of those ADHD doctor website but I feel like they’re sketchy,0 "April is child abuse awareness month, this topic is still scene as very taboo, and while it can be an uncomfortable and upsetting topic, it’s important for people to be aware of what signs they can look for. So in light of social distancing and quarantine causing many children to be stuck at home with their abusers, I decided to make a list of warning sides you can look for in any children in your life. if a child is experiencing emotional or verbal abuse, or neglect, they may show signs such as: - constantly apologizing (whether the situation calls for an apology or not) - not asking for help when sad or sick - socially recoiling and not trusting anyone - going mute or nonverbal - feeling guilty for having their basic needs met - headaches or stomachaches with no clear cause - extreme behavior, such as being way too obedient or way too demanding If a child is expierencing physical abuse, they may show signs such as: - flinching when a hand is raised near them - feeling the need to stick to someone they trust - socially recoiling and not trusting anyone - going mute or nonverbal - having unexplained bruises or cuts - suddenly becoming less hyper or active - unexplained anger or tantrums - getting anxious or scared by banging or screaming - avoiding any kind of touch or physical contact - wearing clothings that doesn't match the weather (ex. long sleeve shirts or pants to hide bruises) if a child is expierencing sexual abuse, they may show signs such as: - having bruises on their wrists, thighs, or hips - having blood or unexplained stains on their underwear or pants - having bladder inconsistencies - complaining about pain or itching of their genitals - sexually projecting onto other children or family members - refusing to get naked in front of anyone - masturbating or acting sexual in front of people or in public situations - complaining of chronic back or stomach pain - having ulcers or cuts in or around their mouth Please feel free to share this. I am a survivor of all three kinds of child abuse, if more people were aware of all of these warning signs, it could’ve been prevented sooner. Stay safe, stay strong, and believe your children.",3 "For those who saw the newest Ghostbuster movie, did anyone else get the impression that she was an Aspie? There's a scene where she talks about her emotions and difficulty to express them and another where a character mentions she's uncoordinated in addition to her love of science and logic.",3 i’ll be talking to someone but most of what comes out of me is met with something in my head that tells me what i’m saying is all a lie and even while i’m thinking of what to say leaving me confused and not knowing what to say?,1 I don’t feel anything anymore I don’t get upset I think my empathy is gone and I just miss my old way of thinking and my old feelings I used to care so much !! But now I feel nothing towards situations or people and if I do feel upset it’s like I’m faking it sometimes I can’t even cry and I’m scared I’m a psychopath so I’m confused will I return back to normal,1 It is like the NRA or PETA of the autism community. It is the biggest organization for the community so people who don’t know any better will support them when in reality they are more harmful than helpful for the community. The smaller organizations have done far more for the communities and are far less scandalous,3 "It has helped with my impulsivity but I'm randomly finding it hard to pull thoughts out of my head or talk. I can have a bunch of things to say in my head and when it comes time to speak one or both of these things happen: Either it feels like I am speaking really slow and don't have the control over my mouth I used to, (but is this just because I'm used to speaking really fast?) Or my thoughts feel stuck in my head and I cant get my mouth to form them. Like i cant connect one thought to another and just get stuck in silence. I also started taking trazadone for sleep around the same time. Has anyone else experienced one or both of those symptoms? ​ edit: grammar",0 "Every bad thought that I have is now sticking. This all started about three weeks ago on week three of lexapro 5mg with suicidal ocd, then a week and a half later I developed POCD, then last night after watching a few minutes of a crime documentary I began having harm ocd thoughts towards my bf who I love. Then just now i was scrolling through the NOCD app and someone put that their trigger is school shootings and now I am ruminating on that. I am scared to even read or watch anything anymore as everything is sticking! :( i am going crazy",1 My favorite is probably attack on Titan though I haven't seen the new season yet.,3 "So today I took my medication in the afternoon instead of the morning because I forgot. Went to class two hours later and when class started, I wasn't really paying attention, but after like 10-20 minutes, I started listening to what the professor was saying. And somehow, I understood him. Mind you, he speaks in an accent and has a hard time expressing mathematical concepts to us in English, so I never had any luck understanding him or being able to maintain my concentration. I was able to focus on his words the entire hour. Usually I lose focus after every single minute, but the fact that I was able to not only pay attention, but understand what he was saying is astonishing to me. It was only after the class was over that I realized I didn't lose focus even once. So I'm wondering, is this just a coincidence of me just happening to understand the professor, or did the medication help?",0 "I always feel like I have to compare my situation to see how “bad” it is compared to others. I feel like that if my situation or possible fears are too bad the ocd is probably rational. This happens with like every theme. How do I stop this? I know this is bad And that of course my brain probably blows things out of proportion but it feels so true. also, I never used to deal with like textbook intrusive thoughts, more of the obsessions and ruminations, until I was seeking reassurance and read something that accidentally started a new obsession :/ now I’m constantly on the lookout for intrusive thoughts so of course they come. How should I deal with this? They suck. Moral of the story, don’t seek reassurance, it’s just giving more fuel for the fire later on. and finally I’m struggling so bad with the ever present “what if this isn’t ocd” or, if it’s feeling trickier, “what if this technically is ocd but it still means something about you or holds truth.” Like, maybeeee your obsessioning over this thing that could happen, but it still could happen, right? you should still be cautious. Or maybe it still means something about you. It always tells me things like that. And I believe it. This is so unbelievably hard to combant even though It feels so silly later on. Yesterday I convinced myself I was chocking/was going to choke and had a panic attack. I wasn’t. I couldn’t even take deep breaths to calm down because i was convinced if I did whatever I thought was stuck in my throat would get in my windpipe. Feels silly now but in the moment it felt just as real as the current theme im struggling with. btw just a general question does any ones ocd get worse when they are having their time of month. Mine has been hell these last few days. I haven’t been able to catch a break. causing more fears of “what if your ocd is getting worse and now you’ll never recover” I just want to be done with this, smh.",1 "Hey everyone, So, my primary compulsion is hand-washing; my hands were peeling between the knuckles about a week ago and then seemed okay and now they're peeling at the finger tips on most of my fingers and it's actually making my anxiety worse because I stress rubbed the skin on my one pointer and am pretty sure I have a small cut so now of course I'm convinced it's something else causing my finger to not feel great and not my own behavior. I've tried distractions and meditating. I've tried talking myself down and to be honest, my anxiety is through the roof when I first wake up and though I'm re-united with my boyfriend after 15 months in a different country, currently in quarantine (can't even take walks), the time apart and overall relationship issues unrelated to COVID or the distance has me out of control with obsessions and hand-washing. His solution is to hide the hand cream from me, or move the toilet paper so I can't reach, so I stop over-washing or over-using but I just feel shamed and alone thus making the behavior harder to ignore because my anxiety spikes. I try to explain this and he just demands to know why he should have to compete with the OCD. I understand him not wanting the OCD to be more important than him but I find it weird he quantifies it that way since I don't think about it like that. I'm not choosing the OCD over him, I'm choosing, albeit not the healthy choice since I know compulsions aren't good to follow through with, to alleviate the extraordinary amount of stress I'm feeling here because we can't communicate with one another and I feel so....blocked up He also calls me crazy and that he feels tricked because he didn't know I was like this and that he'd of never entered into a relationship with me if he knew. I'm not blaming him for the OCD, that is my deal, but hearing all this makes me feel awful and exacerbates the OCD symptoms for me and he just doesn't seem to want to understand that I just want to go home and I can't until my days are up and I receive my final negative test",1 "Its my first job! Very excited! I applied a week ago and heard from them once and finally heard back saying the job is mine if I want it. EDIT: Just woke up and this thread got more replies than I anticipated. Thank you everyone for the kind words and encouragement!",3 "I'm a 49 year old male, diagnosed with ADD and Asperger's. In the last week or perhaps slightly more I've had a very troubling difficulty in thinking properly. I am finding that I lose track of my train of thought incredibly easily, I second guess myself constantly, and I get frequent ""brainlock"" where I lose the concept or word I had in mind and have that ""drawing a blank"" phenomenon. When reading anything even remotely complex, that I would ordinarily be able to comprehend readily, I instead feel mentally scrambled as if what I'm reading is technobabble that consists of English words but logically unconnected or tangled. These are experiences I've had which I've attributed to ADD in the past, but may be related to Asperger's also or primarily, but are normally rather infrequent and manageable --of late, however, they are occurring far too often and much more intensely. The magnitude of the dysfunction seems to vary, I'll have a mostly normal time for a few hours or significant part of the day and I think it's alright but then the problems return. I am certain of the difference not just from subjective feelings, but from the fact that I can have a confusing and frustrating level of difficulty with something while in this distorted state of mental processing and then read the same thing again when I am feeling more normal and comprehend it / process it with my normal ease. It's frightening to experience, I don't know if it's a dementia or what it could be but it's horrible. I don't even know this is the right place to ask this question, but I can't think of any other source of advice. I am just hoping that someone here has experienced something like this and can recognize what I'm attempting so awkwardly to describe. If so, maybe they can tell me what this is and what can be done to fix it. Or maybe someone with a clearer thought process than mine can think of who or where I could find help. I apologize for explaining poorly and hope I was able to make at least some sense. Any guidance I could get about this from someone who might know is desperately needed and deeply appreciated.",3 "i feel like i want to get on a tv show, that everyone in the world is watching, AND THEN TELL MY WHOLE STORY WITH POCD, EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT, EVERY SINGLE COMPULSION, EVERY SINGLE THING, EVERYTHING! how do i deal with this?",1 "One of my therapists has been trying to get me to try EMDR and other similar therapies. I am terrified. So many people say they feel so great afterwards, but I'm not so sure. I feel like my extreme negative reactions to my trauma are keeping me safe. My trauma involves someone who I used to call my best friend. He is very charismatic and manipulative. I have thought about forgiving him hundreds of times since what happened. He's everywhere in my life and I have a feeling that he doesn't even know the gravity of what he did to me. If it wasn't for my partner who has kept me on course, I would have absolutely forgiven him. I'm afraid that if my traumatic responses are controlled, I won't be able to stop myself from going back to him. I'm not ready. There has to be another way to stop this from controlling my life. ​ Anyway, thanks for listening. There's no one in my life I can talk to about this.",3 Not saying I feel suicidal but lately I been wishing I felt like it like I wish I could have the guts to just end everything but I don’t and don’t think I ever could but I wish I did if that makes sense has anyone felt this like I think about the thought of it and if I would want to but get upset Bc I know I wouldn’t be able to Bc of the hurt I would cause my family members and bf,1 "Today I got trapped in a panic/ intrusive memory episode during therapy. At the end she recommended I go to a therapist that does EMDR instead because traditional therapy is proving to be too triggering. I know that is the right answer, but I feel like it is code for me being too weak and feeling rejected. Can someone voice of reason me?",3 "I just wanted to see how many have my same issue. I don't deal with the sensory issues a lot of you have, but I semi-often have shutdowns because I can know that I'm right about something and have all the facts and data to back me up, and yet I can't convince somebody of what I'm saying. For instance, I got the Covid vaccine and my wife is mad at me because ""we don't know what's in it, we don't know what it does, etc."" And I told her I have all of that information and in fact I've done more reading on it than probably anybody she knows because Aspergers. She starts talking about how I'm getting our family sick now because I got the vaccine and she just doesn't care that the science doesn't support her claim at all. She won't even look at my sources. I don't care if people disagree with me but I do care about true facts and an eagerness to know what is true, and when people can't see past their emotions it makes me crazy! I have left a lot of conversations about this damn vaccine. Does anybody else get super frustrated in these kinds of scenarios and shutdown sometimes?",3 "I can’t do anything right, I’m just a failure. I just can’t take life anymore it’s too much.",2 "Basically what it says in the title, if you find yourself wanting to hide under your couch like a five year old to escape the subject(s) of your intrusive thoughts, maybe try eating something with protein. Don't ask me how I know...😳🙃 Edit: Sleep too, obviously. Sleep deprivation and extra caffeine are a whole other ocd nightmare. ",1 """I don't really have sensory issues, just a couple things that bother me..."" I said with full confidence before listing nearly every one of the infinite sensory experiences I love or can't handle. ""I need to wear specific types of jeans, I need specific tee shirts as the fabric comforts me and I suck on it. I can't handle bright colors and one time didn't take a very important exam because the entry had bright posters to get into the room, I hate vibrations, x things are too tight, y things are too loose, etc."" I spent a whole hour long session talking about my sensory struggles and triumphs while occasionally *reminding her* ""I don't have sensory issues, just a few little things bother me, like everyone has."" This was followed by the first time anyone ever related my experiences to autism. She specifically said ""I'm not saying you're autistic, but here's how people with autism often experience things and cope with them"" before giving me some tips she learned from direct work with the autistic community. It took me two more years before I even considered the possibility of being autistic hahaha. Anyone have some fun lack of self awareness stories?",3 "Please provide an example of when this worked and how much it helped you? After you do it, does the trigger still linger? If so, for how long?",3 "I was diagnosed a few month ago and started stimulant medication. I felt instantly calm, almost sleepy, and I think that was a confirmation for both my psychiatrist and i that it was indeed ADHD. I’ve switched medications about 3x now, still at very low doses and all throughout that, i never once craved medication. I thought it was strange that giving my brain what it needed, I would expect there to be some sort of craving for the pill in the morning. Has anyone had this experience or also think my diagnosis could be wrong?",0 "Hi so my grandmother sometimes like to rub my leg to show her love but it always severely triggers my PTSD and I get freaked out and hide, what can I do????",3 "I will say it’s been a habit of mine since high school and was already getting worse during the covid lockdown in Australia. During that time I was diagnosed and medicated for my ADHD and I found the period between the weeks I fall into my skin picking habits has reduced to about 2-3 days and I really haven’t exited this episode since around august? I thought the social aspect coming out of lockdown in October would help yet I find it’s not. I’ve also got an overactive thyroid so I do believe this is contributing to the habit as I do get waves of little boils to pick at which doesn’t help. I’ve always maintained acrylic nails to physically prevent myself from doing the same to the skin around my fingers which has always been successful, so I feel like I’m stuck looking for a physical barrier to stop it, just unfortunately being covered in clothes 24/7 is a very uncomfortable option in Australia. Has anyone found anything to help this? I’ve found things like fidget toys have become useless as I notice myself doing this about half an hour after I’ve started picking.",0 "I just can’t handle being alive anymore it’s exhausting. I’m tired of being strong and slugging through. What’s the point anyway. I have nothing to look forward to. I’m on antidepressants. I don’t feel good, only sad and less sad.",2 "I was excited to have the week off. Had so many plans to clean and prep for family. And now I’ve found myself in a bottomless pit of just plain torture. One minute I’m so exhausted I could sleep for a month and the next minute I’m bombarded by guilt for letting my house go down the toilet. So I force myself up to do something but I quickly find myself so tired and sad I just want to go back on the couch. Could this be seasonal, I live in the north US? How do I deal? I’ve tried working out. Drinking more water. Sleeping more. Eating. Baths. Vitamin D. I’m starting to think it’s not seasonal? Idk. Just venting I guess. My husband has told me I’ve been on a rollercoaster the last few days and it’s made me more aware that somethings off.",2 "Can you have psychopathy and ASD at the same time? If not, then you are wrong, it is possible to have psychopathy and ASD at the same time, but it is rare though. I have a diagnosis of Conduct Disorder Unspecified, alongside with ASD. That is like saying “You can’t have ASD and CD at the same time”, just because symptoms of Conduct Disorders includes, great difficulty following rules, respecting the rights of others, showing empathy, and behaving in a socially acceptable way. Statistics and most studies states that most people with ASD are ten times more likely to be victims and five times less likely to commit crimes than the general population. There are however small-subgroups of people with ASD who commit crimes, but that is considered rare and it needs to be studied more. ASD is a broad developmental disorder, even convicted criminals can be diagnosed with ASD as well.",3 "Anyone else just not understand what you're supposed to do in a romantic relationship? I feel so lost. I need a guidebook on what I'm supposed to say and not supposed to say. I recently found out that I'm not supposed to talk about my ex. For context: I was with my gf and I brought up how I was having fond memories of being with my ex, since we were in an area I spent a lot of time in with my ex. I made great memories with them, and we ended on not bad terms. Apparently, I shouldn't have brought that up, but how is one supposed to know? I feel so lost with relationships.",3 "For a long time ive been surfing through information about ADHD, Bipolar, etc. and there was a ton i connected with but it didnt really sum up everything. Until I read PTSD, it was something I was avoiding for so long. “My trauma wasnt that serious, leave it in the past, etc” - but there are parts in my memory i cant remember and are too painful to even attempt to talk about a lot of the time. After I discovered this reddit, i realized I connected A LOT. So much so, i shake reading some of these posts... i feel my heart racing uncomfortably whenever i think about anything slightly related to these topics. I want to bring this up to a doctor or the councelor but Im scared of being diminished or invalidated. Any tips when talking about the trauma is very painful? I have been looking for a diagnosis to explain everything i have been feeling, but i often get ignored. It took me years to get someone to take my allergies seriously and i almost ended up in the emergency because of that, it becomes really discouraging",3 "For context I take concerta and today it honestly feels like I didn’t take it. (I’m 99% sure I did). I’ve tried all my usual tricks to try to focus (listening to music, putting on a tv show I’ve seen a million times, taking a break) and nothing is working. I have to get some things done for work and I don’t know what to do at this point….",0 I want to have feedback from redditors who experienced crisis. What was your breakpoint?,1 "Any feel the harder they try to move forward, the worse you get with traits or emotionaly unstableness? I feel it's impossible to change....",3 "I lose the ability to think properly and rationally. It's extremely frustrating sometimes especially when I'm trying not to get into the thought. It slowly turns into a burden that doesn't go away, festering continuously the more I try not to engage. After a long time, some days or weeks, suddenly I gain back my thinking ability and look back at how ridiculous it all was and how easy it was to just think about it and move on. Does anyone else experience these types of episodes?",1 "I’m in school for Early Childhood Education. My discussion post this week says “If a parent asked you about their child, how would you explain the age appropriate difference between a child with high energy and one who may be considered hyperactive?” Why are we talking around the topic instead of just saying ADHD? This is part of why contributes to such a stigma around ADHD and other mental health conditions.",0 "I don't know how my fiance puts up with my PTSD. All I do is cry. It hurts him when i flinch, when I cower away, when I'm having a flashback and don't recognise him. I'm just broken. It's been years since it happened and I'm still fundamentally f*cked, even after lots of therapy. I hate myself. I hate the two people who ruined my life. I don't understand how someone can have such an affect on another human being that they are never truly happy again in their lifetime? They did a lot of dark shit to me. Horrific things that I can't even tell my fiance. My baby boy deserves a mother who is actually happy. Not this emotional wreck. I want to die.",3 "When i was 14 the doctor prescribed me ritalin, at first I would take half of it until I started the whole dose, but i didn't felt a significant improvement in my attention, and my mother said I walked like a robot when I took it, so we decided to stop. 4 years latter we decided to use ritalin to pay attention in preparatory classes for entrance exams, this Time i felt a good improvement in my attention when I used the half part, i felt a little bit of headache, but did not walked like a robot lol, but today I started the whole one, and now I am having my first anxiety attack in my life, I couldn't breat hing right It's despite seeing the first class without wanting to divert my attention, I had to leave the room in the second class because in the bathroom I can be without a mask and breathe better. I hope things get better tomorrow, I'll update the situation later. note: i think that when i was 14 years old I coldn't pay attention cuz i kinda don't wanted study, but it's different now, and i think it's why i felt the change (Sorry any error, I am Brazilian and O have to improve my English..)",0 "I was the scapegoat of my family for my whole life before going no contact with my family this year. I was chosen to be the scapegoat especially because my mom hated that my dad gave me attention and she punished me for his sexual abuse. I also think I was chosen because I was the strongest, least able to be manipulated, had integrity, honesty, assertiveness, justice seeking, and empathic. They thought I could take the abuse because I was so strong and resilient and would fight back for what I believed in. Having that role for so long has definitely helped me become more authentic, compassionate, sensitive, self less and justice seeking. I question authority and status quo and instead do what I think is right /aligned with my values. I stand up for what I believe even if I am the only one doing it and it will make me unpopular. I am honest, genuine, and was courageous enough to go no contact with my family and never go back. How about you all? Who else was the scapegoat of their family? What strengths did you develop because of your role? Why do you think you were chosen for that role?",3 "I died a long time ago and this is hell...it's not even a joke anymore. Everyday is torture and it never ends. Even when I attempt to leave..I just can't do it no matter how painful it is..no matter what happens, I'm stuck here. Kinda feels like it's hopeless, everything. Living, dying, I have control over neither. I just am. Things just happen, good, bad, in-between it doesn't matter. I'm tired of experiencing it all but I can't leave. I keep going and I can't stop. I just want it all to stop..but it never will lol",2 "I hear this alot from NT parents of autistic kids and I know they're trying to be supportive, but as an autistic person, I hate this term.",3 Does anyone who works on tills at supermarkets find it very intense?,3 "I can’t say it enough. I haven’t been this happy in a long time. My (36/m) new SO (36/f) and I started dating a few months ago and things have progressed quickly. We have spent a lot of time together, mostly at my condo hanging out and spending time together. We cook together, watch Netflix and just enjoy our time together. Eventually we fell in love and it’s been great. I hadn’t felt comfortable telling anyone outside my family about my Asperger’s but I somehow worked up the courage to tell her. The conversation went something like this. SO: What’s on your mind. Me: I’m just tired. SO: Baby, please just tell me. Me: (deep breath) Well, I’m just going to say it. I’m autistic. I’m on the spectrum. SO: I know Me: How could you tell? SO: I’ve seen how you clean everything and how you tap your fingers. Me: I didn’t know it was that obvious. SO: It’s just what makes you you. We’re all different. I love you. Me: I love you too (hugs) I’m seeing her again in a little bit but I wanted to share this to tell you something that I didn’t believe until recently. There is someone out there for you, no matter what you have. You just have to keep on trying.",3 "I am so incredibly fucking lazy its so unreal. I got a good job this September and have wasted it away doing fuck all at home (Work from home). I do nothing for fun, I have no hobbies, I cannot imagine myself managing a relationship, kids, house, chores, being a valuable member of a job and not getting fired eventually, etc, etc. I am just a complete waste of a life fr jesus fucking christ, man. It's been like this for years I just cant help it, I have ambitions but I cant make myself put effort into ANYTHING. Even if I want to do something, the effort required just turns me off completely. I quit everything before seeing it through.",2 "So I'm ADD (medicated) and strongly suspect I also belong somewhere within the autism spectrum. I feel like my brain is constantly scanning and processing analytically to try and be as efficient as possible in almost everything I do in everyday life; kind of like my brain is constantly like that maths meme from the hangover movie or like how the POV shots of robots rapidly processing binary numbers. Constantly taking in various factors and analysing and evaluating cause and effect; ""If I do x it leads to y"", ""It would be better to know the result of y before I get around to x, so I should chase up y first"", ""It makes sense to do these tasks in this order because..."" ​ * Say if I'm driving a familiar route, I'll have particular aspects about it memorised (e.g. get out of the faster lane before I get past x because it gets blocked off by traffic), processing how much room/what speed I need to overtake and get into a better lane position. * If I'm on a date, I'll be taking in what I'm seeing/hearing from her and comparing it to consistencies from previous experiences to help guide how I should proceed; e.g. ""Her facial expression/body language is telling me x, I should do less of this/more of this as that has been consistently the right choice to make based on past experiences"" ​ It's not in an anxious way or even a conscious way, it just happens by default. Sometimes it's very helpful and other times it can be quite exhausting (e.g when driving as it becomes a mental effort).",3 "I'm sixteen years old, and I am ready to become indipendant when I graduate highschool, and go to college. My Perental Unit is strongly discourgaging the idea, and calls everyone that advocates for me a fucking idiot. Background info this woman has held crap over my head for my whole aldolescent life. If you don't help stage an intervention for other immidiate relative by calling uncle I will cut your phone off, if you don't say yes I will talk in a whinish voice until I get my way or scream that all of your secrets of anxiety, breakdowns, sexuality, and depression will come out. I have made planning with my engineering career, as well as in state scholarships to go away to a public state university for next to nothing. I will tutor, do go waitr, Uber, and work a job, and do school. I'm done with the status quo, even if I drive an old beaten down car, as well live with several quirky roomates, I will be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. That will be much better than this. I have supportive friends, relatives, and teachers, and my mom (When it fits her narrative) what should I do, I am just pissed that she tries to sacrifice herself as a martyr to have control over my life. I AM NOT AN EXTENSION OF HER",3 "Im an aspie that also has adhd. Ever since I was 6 ive had pretty bad anxiety, more specifically emetophobia, or the fear of throwing up. The idea of throwing up causes all kinds of anxiety for me, but on the rare occasions it actually happens, I dont give a shit. I was just wondering if this is something common among aspies or other autistic folks, and if not, if you have any other specific fears, what are they? Please let me know.",3 "Hello guys, i'll start by saying ""i don't know"". I am unable to live and function, i am a monster. I don't even consider intrusive thoughts as such even thought they are. I feel a schizo-psycho-pedo-zoophile-copro-necro-killer-manipulator-whatever. Since getting on zoloft the line between normal and intrusive thoughts has blurred a lot, an awful lot. I lost my sense of self, i don't know who i am. I think of suicide daily, i want my empathy back. I miss the times in which I didn't have this stuff. When i could pet a dog, hug somebody or feel them without having intrusive thoughts. I spend my days between my bed, school, food and cigs. I am alone and shit. Think i might be depressed, borderline or whatever even though my therapist says I only have pure ocd. My brain tries to convince me of having delusions or hallucinations. Derealization is my go-to feeling. I just don't know.",1 "I can't understand the things that are obvious for other people; like if a person wants to talk to me or not (not always for the moment, but in a long term), the situation of our relationship (is our friendship ending? was it obvious at the beginning that it wouldn't work? etc.) I can't read these signs and end up thinking very different from how the other person thinks or sees our relationship. Other people tell me that it was obvious they didn't wanna be in that relationship for the last times that we had, but I couldn't read the signs I guess. Do you have that? A friend called me selfish for that, he thinks I only look at the things out of my perspective and doesn't care about the other people's perspective. But actually some possibilities are sometimes in my mind and sometimes not, like I can think of them, but when they are in my mind, I guess I can't link the signals that other person gives me with the possibilities which are obviously should be linked to for other people. Or if the person says something positive about our relationship, it's so hard for me to think our relationship is going on a negative way, even after months have passed. It's almost like I need a second command, or I'm gonna link everything to that positive thing they said. I don't know if that's because of selfishness (like I don't want our relationship to end so I reject that possibility) or something else like anxiety or maybe ADHD. Since I'm on a journey of discovering if I have ADHD or not, I wanted to ask you if that's something you go through in your life.",0 Do you meditate? Do you find it helpful? What kind of meditation? Do you think people on the spectrum experience meditation differently?,3 "I am familiar with: * The Aspie World, * Them Asperger's Aspie world is pretty short and sharp with a specific topic. Them Aspergers is good but a little long-winded and conversational. What other Aspie podcasts are out there?",3 "First, I want to say that I do not intend to come across as disrespectful to anyone; if I do, I truly am sorry. Something very traumatic happened to me when I was 16 and it just clicked in my mind that I am not over that series of events. I really don’t know if I should go into detail, it’s not necessarily my story to tell. However, I was sort of a “bodyguard” for my best friend who decided to become a prostitute at the time. I know...it is crazy. It’s just, there were too many times where I walked into a situation believeing someone will not walk out alive. I was already diagnosed with MDD before this whole situation. Afterwards, I experienced a level of depression and fear that overcome and demolished my life. Dropped out of school, stopped eating, became a complete recluse, there is just too much to list. I still feel these effects to this day. Can anyone give me some insight on...anything?",3 "I wanted to post on wedding planning subs but I know they simply won’t get it. Every time I make a decision (and put heavy amounts of cash into each decision) I’m riddled with anxiety and have intrusive thoughts that I, in fact, hate the things I chose. Rather than worrying about the thing I need to do next, I keep revisiting the thing I did a day, a week, 6 months ago. I keep getting stuck. And it doesn’t feel like normal wedding anxiety stuff. My partner has dealt with a lot with my history of OCD, and he’s just not having it this time. He wants to move onto the next task. But I often find myself in tears with the rumination. I’m sorry if this feels like a lighter problem, trust me, I’ve had worse episodes. But this seems like a pretty nonjudgmental sub so I thought I’d vent a little. It’s hard when the people around you (friends, family, partners) get tired of your stuff. That adds a whole other layer of anxiety —that I’m a burden. (For context, diagnosed a few years ago. Usually presents with health/deaths themes but at the core it’s that something is horribly wrong and no one sees it but me.) Thanks for listening.",1 "I have Mental disorder. This dyslexia is hit me hard on college. I really wanted to be human rights lawyer. But the pandemic force me to choose other career My efforts just wasted to her. Why the fuck I destroy my agreement to my future wife in long distance relationship? (That she ignore my message in a few month) because I'm acting to be hero to my highschool crush that have serious issue that I report to the fucking police. And hope that she will love me back but is fucking not I already thinking suicide. I was a 3rd highschool and already attempted 2 times. Two fucking times And my close friends don't believe me on this. I even thought this quantum suicide/immortality. But they don't still believe me(that I already lost him because of my serious record on the school and possibly police that a lot of people just stay away from me.) I wanted to tell my close friend, don't Blame me, blame the fucking school, they did not do something about bullying Is just a fucking joke or expression about my disappointed of justice I received in highschool and elementary. That my mother being me to psychiatrist and give me medication. Not gonna lie. I never feel clam and relax at that point of my time. Than the medication stop and my mother send me to counselor that he been talk therapy me (under pandemic and we rely on phone call) personally I did not all of my problem because the call was not good quality because of the signal I even request my mother that I want medication but she don't believe me Those fucking bastard just remove my loyal award Because I been that school kindergarten to highschool At the beginning that I'm wanted to be human rights lawyer and now I'm already human rights activist I fucking lose my faith to God Before the pandemic happen That different religions community fighting each other on our country. And is increase Anti-muslim sentiment in our country. I just wanted to everyone WTF, where is your humanity! Lost few years. I already watch a video from YouTube that Good people are easy to get depress And now I see the paradox. If you are keep surrender you will reach the point of suicide and If you are keep on fighting you will reach the point of no return, we call it murder I don't know who I really am? And I don't know who I become I'm worry that I kill someone because of my unstable thought and hate or I kill myself again and again Or somewhat countrol myself again and again Or my mother will belive me and bring back my medication",2 "I'm a man in his mid-20s who feels like he's lost his personality. As a teenager and in my early 20s I felt like I was the life of the party, people loved knowing me and always wanted me around, but I guess since the pandemic I feel like that's all sort of changed. I still have my core group of friends and have made some new ones since but I just don't have that fire in me anymore to be in the spotlight. Life hasn't turned out the way I wanted it to I suppose and I feel like depression might have set in. Now when I'm with a group of people I don't fully know I mostly just let the conversation fly past me, next thing I know everyone's going home and I realise I've made 0% contribution or impression on anyone. I described it in my journal as 'socially paralysed', unless I'm going to say something perfect or hilarious I'd rather just stay quiet, laugh at other people's jokes and nod my head. I just feel like a blank entity, if you need someone to nod and agree and smile and offer nothing else, I'm your fuckin guy. Around people I already know I'm even worse, because I feel like I don't have to make an impression I often just sit there like a fucking grouch, the only time I interject is to complain or moan and it makes me feel like such a drag. There's an exception to this though, sometimes it just feels like all the cogs in my head sync up and I'm suddenly the life of the party again. Laughing, joking, saying shit without thinking and soaking in the attention, like I'm putting on the performance of my life at a gig. I wanna feel like that all the time, or at least a majority of the time. Anyone else been through or going through something similar? I find talking about stuff like this and finding out you're not alone is very soothing.",2 Recently I started a new relationship and we had sex. Yesterday night I was having flashbacks of my first serious relationship and the first times I had sex (I was drunk and took benzodiazepines) and I cried. I regret every single time I had sex until now and I don’t know what to do. I’m struggling with a lot of shit and now this happens. I don’t even know how to treat it in therapy. Does anyone know how to take control over the flashbacks? Thanks.,3 "I finally came off my anti-depressants after 4 years. I've noticed that since I came off my meds, my mood has gotten better overall. I had a problem where I couldn't feel happiness. I was sort of either in neutral or very irritable and now I don't feel that way. The downside is that I occasionally feel a deep sense of dread and sadness. ​ Does anyone have this issue and how do you cope?",2 "One piece of advice I often hear for when there is a task that you think is too big is to just break it up into smaller tasks. The problem with that for me is something like writing assignments, because those I can't really do broken up without losing my flow or train of thought. What else could I try?",0 "I get up to start studying and take my dosage out of the bottle to take them. I do not take them, I walk out of the room to get food. When I come back, I start studying, thinking I have taken my meds. I work and it’s difficult. But not close enough to pulling teeth for me to think I’ve forgotten something. It gets hard. It’s pulling teeth now. I eat the food I was using as a possible reward for studying. I look up and i haven’t taken my meds. I see them. I continue to study. It’s still hard and doesn’t last for longer than 10 minutes. I wonder why this is happening while I’m on my meds. I look up. My meds are still on my desk. I haven’t taken them. What the fuck. I post on reddit.",0 "Does anyone else have problems remembering what acronyms stand for? I took me years to finally remember that COD stood for call of duty and even though I played league of legends for over a year, the first time a friend suggested we play LoL, I had no idea what he was talking about.",3 "It has taken me seven years to come to grips with everything that has happened. I have been raped by three different men at three different times over the past seven years, and I have struggled with so much because of it. I finally decided to make it all public yesterday. I published an article through medium explaining every single thing that happened, and I used their names. I identified them, and now most of my social circle has read the article. I'm not afraid anymore. They can try to sue me for defamation; they can try to threaten me. But they've already made my life a living hell. They can't do much more. And frankly, if they try to bring this to court, I'm so ready. I have plenty of people standing behind me who can attest to what I'm saying. I have text records. I have journal entries. I have my therapists, my psychiatrists, and more. These three men caused me to develop PTSD because they decided they could take advantage of me. It's time that they took responsibility for their actions. I'm not carrying this burden anymore.",3 I tend to have no friends most of time and i cant keep them around. I find someone interesting that i just admire for whatever reason. (Like a special interest or similar humor etc.) Then i just pretend they're my best friend even though we never talk. Is that weird? Does this happen to you guys? Im a female btw i dont know if that makes a difference,3 "Is there such a thing as being *too* productive? Lately, I do not want to leave work at the end of the day. I am now arriving a whole hour earlier than I am supposed to because I just want to get things done. But only at work. I want to just stay at work all night. I don’t, but I would! People tell me I’m avoiding home responsibilities. I don’t think it’s that. I just love my job so much. Is my dose too high? Is this just a weird phase? I’m starting to feel crazy for feeling this way. :/",0 "I was at my Niece's Christening on Sunday, after the service I was outside talking to the Priest and I asked if I was holding a happy meal and you anointed it, I'd be eating a holy meal. No malice intended just an jovial question. Later on in the Night my Mum got offended when I told her 🙄 I seem to have a habit of offending people. Edit: Mum instead of She",3 "I don’t know whether to post in r/autism r/adhd or here but here goes... Does anyone else get looked down on for asking lots of questions at work? I have a tendency to forget things or to be so sloppy so to compensate I ask a ton of questions on procedures, other info that I can’t remember. The thing is I know I have high intellect for some things but I learn some things very slowly that NTs seem to pick up naturally. The downside is I think people look down on me as stupid because of it further lowering my self worth, my feeling of otherness, that I’m not equal with my coworkers (though I can find their faults too, in their work and elsewhere) I could tell people I’m on the spectrum but if I didn’t lose my job as a result I think people might treat me like a child. And we all know what a struggle that is with NT’s thinking that ...adults with ASD are not children in any sense of the word",3 "I've been struggling ROCD for 7 months. The good thing is I'm not getting anxious and not obsessing that much for a month now. But even though I'm not feeling the anxiety and not obsessing that much, I feel like I'm losing interest in our relationship everyday. We're LDR plus the pandemic made it hard for us to see each other. The last time I saw her in person was 3 months ago. Please help me because I still want to stay despite feeling of losing interest :((( I also want to add that I didn't seek a therapy nor having proper medication. I let myself torture by my ROCD.",1 "I’m 17M, I was never super organized, but this year has been an organizational, emotional, and existential change for me, I’ve always had anxiety, even since I was a kid and since the beginning of the year/end of 2020, I’ve been obsessed with my self hygiene, I’m very organized, and i try to be clean with my stuff but it doesn’t bother me all that much, My room is always organized but some clothes of things on my floor doesn’t throw me off course, I have always had routines that I follow ever since I remember, but now I have them a lot more, If I accidentally mess up something in my motioning routine I get angry and ruins my whole morning and sometimes for a little inconvenience I start all over again, like for example if I wash my face before brushing my teeth I get mad and start again, I also have this weird habit of washing my hands for more than 20 seconds each night, cause If I don’t do it I can’t go to sleep, my anxiety doesn’t let me, I’m also incredibly obsessed with my school grades, I have maintained a general average of a 9.7 and if I get even a homework graded with an 8 I get extremely upset and I do everything I can to make it higher, I also participate in every extracurricular activity I can, and even go to school on Saturdays for benefits, I am so obsessed with my grades and all the scholarships I get offered, I feel like a disappointment even if I get a 9 in a grade, I’m also very prone for existential crisis, I have them on a regular basis since I was very little, everything from what am I going to do after I graduate, to what am I going to do after I retire, and the most scary of them all is the what happens after death, that one started at 3 years old, sometimes I almost forget that death exists, and when I remember I get surges of anxiety because I’m aware I’ll die some day. My “scholar and routinely” anxiety It doesn’t bother me when I don’t make mistakes, but if I do it can ruin my whole day and make me anxious all day long, is this pre-ocd? Or just bad anxiety?",1 "The situation sucks. The last 2 weeks i barely eat and i have high anxiety but today it seems that my anxiety magically stopped. I have little to no anxiety. Despite that i get angry for no reason and I can't sleep It is fucking 10:30AM in the morning here and I haven't slept all night. I woke up yesterday at 7PM and i am still awake. I have fucked up my sleeping schedule. I literally have nothing to do. I am suffering and i feel alone. The last 6 hours i am on my phone hoping i will feel sleepy soon but i have too much energy. I'd go lifting but I haven't eaten almost anything so i have no energy for this. I am hungry af but food disgusts me. All food is trash. I have given up lifting the last 11 days because i dont eat anything so my body cant keep up. I have probably lost like 5kg (rip my minimal progress) I am a uni student and i don't have a job because i am at uni the whole day but the last 7 days my uni is closed because of corona. Not that i enjoy going there when it's open tbh. I don't want to take this anymore. Just venting",2 I got a therapist and I don’t want to tell them about what I did in the past that I fell bad about because I think that they will arrest me or send me to an institute.,1 "Some days I am so numb, so desensitized. There is this ache that sits at the bottom of my gut that is a reminder of my own sense of failure. But most of the time that I drop the ball, when I am so burnt out that all I can do is sit on my floor and remind myself to breathe, I don’t cry because I can no longer meet the expectations of others. I cry because I no longer have the capacity to even give a fuck. It’s currently 2 in the morning and in 8 hours I have two assignments due, neither of which are finished. I have already skipped this class way too many times yet I can’t even care that I don’t have the energy to go tomorrow either. It just feels like no matter what I do I will never be able to be the person others want me to be so I should just stop trying. I cry because I can’t try anymore.",2 "Controversial topic I'm sure, hopefully I'm not banned but I am curious. The social descrimanation we face is often subtle or entirely subconscious. Racial descrimanation can also be subconscious and subtle, or ragingly overt BUT race is a very overt and obvious factor in and of itself. I do wonder how the way people are treated compares. Not that it's any kind of contest, I'm sure the impacts are significantly different, I'm just curious what it's like to be treated worse for a reason that can be seen vs a reason that can't be seen or isn't even consciously perceptible.",3 "For me it was the spontaneity, energy, sense of humor, patience, attention span, confidence and creativity I had as a 11-18 year old. My addictions and self loathing as an adult permanently ruined that for me, and when I was homeless in 2020 I lost nearly everything I had written as a teenager, projects I spent years on and the first drafts of all the fiction and poetry I was planning to improve upon to get published, all because I learned about google docs when it was too late. Also It was like pulling teeth trying to edit end revise my novel. I'm just not as talented or clever as I used to be. I don't have the patience or the ambition anymore and have been searching for it for half a decade and not finding it. It's more painful to try so I stopped trying. If anyone tells to to just write it all again cause it's in my head you can go to hell. You have no idea how inspiration works. Turns out people can think and create better before they spend years trying to cope with drugs and instant gratification when they realize just how shitty their childhood was and there was no way to cope other than to create. I have not only lost parts of myself in those hundreds of forgotten pages, but I lost my personality, my optimism, my ability to love or care about anything other than my insecurities, barley surviving financially, numbing to pain until it's back in it's full excruciating force, fuck writing and fuck the human race, hard work never pays off and the best thing I can do now is finish as many tv shows, video games and comic books as I can while I slowly rot away. Talent is never really valued in society anyway, not that I was that talented to begin with, just diligent and passionate. I'm 26 going on 66. I can't believe I let my emotions do this to me. I have ruined my own life through a pattern of repeated poor decisions. Most humans are replaceable, but I am disposable. Just wanted to create art that was bigger than myself. That opportunity is gone and anyone that claims otherwise is ignorant of my situation. I can no longer be the person I wanted to be because all of the elements that comprise my identity are scattered across disparate timelines. Self sabotage is no joke. I have permanently impeded the progress I wanted to make, and am a glorified blogger now. I wanted to make art, masterpieces. ""This post is well written, you should write for a living,"" fuck you. You might as well tell a amputee to grow back their limb. Some things you just don't get back. I know this sounds ridiculous but I miss being a virgin too. I miss the naivety. I miss not worrying about having sex again. I miss having less distractions. I miss having to clear mind to enjoy the things that I now have a fleeting interest in. I miss 8 years ago when I actually had hope I had a future ahead of me and was working hard towards it. I missed the times before I truly gave up on myself. You've heard of the fear of missing out well I have already missed out on having positive experiences in my 20s out of insecurity and fear, and financial struggles. My short term goal is saving money to make sure my 30s are not a compete disaster. People might say it's never too late, but it feels like too late was 5 years ago. ""It's time to get my adult life on track, make connections, be successful at something, I've wasted enough time,"" I said at the end of 2015. Fuck me... another half a decade mostly spent in bed staring at a screen, with even less going for me and another year spent homeless and the impending possibility of losing the apartment I have now. I still hate myself for how I've treated myself and how deliberately irresponsible I've been, and for erasing my achievements that over the past decade because I went out of my way to destroy everything I created, everything that I put time, effort and passion into gone, forgotten.",2 I hope it’s not too many but hearing about what happened I feel like it’ll be a lot… please don’t let it be a lot. I don’t want anyone else to go through this.,3 "I'm tired of crying and feeling depressed all the time. I used to have friends to talk to but everyone has replaced me. I'm lonely and stuck inside due to lock down. I have no one I can message without feeling like I'm bothering them, and my mental state only worsens with the stress of my high school life. I have a shitload of missing assignments and low grades. I'm also pressured by my parents with not being the perfect daughter and comparing me to my sister and other relatives. I want to be dead so all my problems would go away but I don't want to kill myself. My life is fucking sad its almost laughable.",2 "It’s late and im trying to go to bed but there is a voice reminding me of how I couldn’t find the motivation at my last (really good) job. I’m remembering embarrassing moments and wish I could have succeeded. I have decent experience and went to an “impressive” school but I have to find a new job and am worried I will fail. At my last job, it boiled down to working in a fast paced setting that required a lot of prioritization, planning and quick turn around times. I started falling behind then would feel embarrassed about falling behind and wait too long to bring it up. I cared a lot and got along well with everyone but wasn’t fully engaged like I needed to be, although I tried to be. Medication makes my anxiety worse and I feel exhausted once it wears off but I feel like I will likely need it to succeed. I’m just scared I won’t find a job I’m good at. I feel bad I couldn’t hang onto the opportunity I had but am also glad I left. I’m scared I will mess up at my next job.",0 "Hello. I’ve been struggling with severe OCD since I could even remember. As I got older into my late teens/early adulthood the thoughts got worse and started merging into different themes. However, I’ve noticed that I don’t get the severe anxiety/panic I use to when I have (what I hope is) intrusive thoughts. I’m worried that this means I am what I fear. I know this makes no sense because essentially I am saying two contradicting things. However, I feel like I don’t feel or like I’m detached and dissociated from my feelings. I also have Borderline Personality Disorder so idk if that’s why. I think I just need to hear that others may have experienced this too? My current theme is probably the worst OCD theme you could have. I don’t know if im necessarily ready to disclose it at this time…",1 "I feel so envious of people who can go running/ dance etc. and feel good afterwards. Even when I regularly exercised some time ago, an hour afterwards my anxiety would always get so much worse that I wanted to crawl out of my skin and it made the intrusive thoughts even harder to ignore. I'm gonna start taking Cipralex this week, because this is just depressing. In middle school I never had this issue when I used to do competitive gymnastics, before I even had OCD. Anyone else here who has similar experiences?",1 "Hi to all, I am diagnosed with ptsd due to both of my parents being seek my entire life and then dying when I was 15/18 yo. It becomes really difficult being social with people, I feel like everyone around me has an interest of being friends with me, I’m also always listening to everyone’s problems with no limits and it doesn’t happen the other way around. At some point I rather be at home alone for days smoking my weed, but also I feel so lonely. Can anyone relate? Tips? Thank u 🤍",3 "Pls read it till the end if you want to understand what's wrong with me... I'm 21 but the thing is I don't have any skills in anything. I always say that the main purpose of the parents in their child's life is to prepare him for his adulthood, make sure that when their child turns 18 or 20 he will be able to START DOING what he needs to do to become successful, so he will BEGIN his CAREER, not just start STUDYING being 20. By the age of 20 as I see it, a man must have some skills to use it in his beginnings. But my biological parents didn't care about that at all. I remember my childhood quite clearly and I know that they put no effort to teach me anything. I thought they never loved me and never gave a crap about my future, that I was sorta like Harry Potter for his aunt and uncle, but now I maybe can understand that they are just bad parents from the beginning and they never thought about the future, even their own. ​ When I was little, 10 yo, and I been telling to them that I want to sing, and instead for the right thought like - ""ok, if you wanna sing, that means we'll send you on singing lessons"" they did nothing, then I said I wanna make movies and again they didn't even bother buying me a camera...cheap used one. THey didn't try to think about my future AT ALL. SHe (mother) didn't teach me anything, she was overcaring, she did my homework for me, she made me stay homeschooled so I wouldn't meet bad people, so now I'm scared of people in society, teachers never tried to challenge my real knowledge of the subject, they gave me A all the time even when I knew nothing just because my... mom gave them a cup of tea and hot sandwiches... I feel like they broke me. Now I have PTHD (right spelling?), bad memory, depression, constant fear.... Plus, I have problems with my physical health, my teeth are embarrassingly crooked (also a thing that follows me since I was like 7-8, and they never thought of fixing it while I was still little and that was cheap and fast, now it's super expensive and dangerous)... ​ THey thought are telling me that it's my fault because I didn't want to go to college they ve suggested me (shitty college, was advised just because free). I told them that I'm in big fear for my life because when I'm 21 I need just to START LEARNING stuff, while I see that other people who gained any success in life already did their career starting with the age of 20 just because they had some skills given them by their parents in their childhood. But what about me? I chose the career of singing. I really need it, I can't imagine myself being 30 and not being a successful good singer. But I have a terrible voice now because never in my entire life have I ever visited a singing/voice coach. I'm scared that it's too late. So many suicidal thoughts in my head that prevent me to live a normal life. I can't work, can't do anything because of these thoughts. Usually when I say this kind of thing on the internet people scream at me that I'm just a whiny cry baby and should wipe my tears and go do some and that ""the singing is not important, if you can't sing - do something else the most important that it will bring you money to pay the bills"", no, that's very important for me. ​ I'm scared that when I'll try I will be failing, failing, failing... again and again... and that's till I turn 30 and won't handle this anymore. What should I do and what should I think to be better and do I still have a chance at whatever I want in life? ​ I mean, the most important thing, usually when I ask this question to, for instance, a singing teacher, they say ""of course, your age does not no matter, you can learn how to sing at any age"". But I don't need to Learn how to sing to be ok in karaoke bars once a week after a hard job in an office, First of all, it sounds like they just need a new student to earn some so they just lie to me so I will take their lessons... And second, I need to be really good at it. When I read biographies of successful singers I never see that Whitney Huston once said ""I had a terrible voice, started learning how to sing when I was 20, alright"", never heard Freddie Mercury said that, Katty Perry, nobody really... THat's what is killing me every day...",2 "I saw a man and it kinda looked like as if he suddenly vanished. I started worrying that it could have been a glitch in the simulation system, if in case we are in one. I wanted to find an other explanation about it, so I decided to take some pictures of the scene in order to show them to 2 friends of mine and find an explanation. I started worrying that by taking pictures (if in case we are in a simulation and it was a glitch) I may have angered the Gods of the system by trying to uncover the truth. I deleted those pictures some time later without showing them. What if I was too late? After analyzing the situation I ended up finding more possible explanations and the man probably did not vanish. I cant confirm it and since I'cant confirm it I worry.",1 "I have been thinking about symbolism, and how it could benefit people with an invisible disorder like autism and adhd. I know that the jigsaw puzzle is regarded as problematic, and that the rainbow infinity symbol was made as a better representation and in opposition to autism speaks. But I think it would be a good idea to rethink the symbol, or at least have a symbol with a more universally 'diverce' meaning in addition to it. I have ADD and I identify with autism (not diagnosed yet), and I am a graphic designer. First of all, the infinity symbol already has an established meaning. I can see the appeal in using a mathematical symbol, but as a way to communicate it just makes things more complicated. This is true for the rainbow to. I am aware that we share a lot of the difficulties with the lgbtq+ community, and that a lot of ND's are part of it. But again, a logo/symbol should ideally not be able to be confused with something else. I know it represents a spectrum. And speaking as a designer, a logo should not rely on color to be understood. It lessens the readabilty, and it cannot be used in black and white print. Not a big deal anymore, but I feel it is still a sound principle. As an example, and I am not saying you should do it, but imagine if you had to spraypaint the autism logo. You would need a bag of cans with all the colors you need, or it is litterally just the infinity symbol you are painting. I think we could gain a lot if we used symbolism more deliberately. It would be a subtle way to inform NT people of our disadvantage(and advantages), without necessarily having to directly say it. And it could be our own somewhat secret symbol. Because most people wouldn't know it anyway. Have it on a pin, button or earrings perhaps. Or a small tattoo maybe. [Here is a couple of variations of my suggestion](https://i.imgur.com/myQmb8E.jpg)I am not ashamed to admit I have been inspired by the Loki show - it definitely resonated with my experience as a ND. What do you think? Would there be any benefit to making a new/additional symbol? How would you design it? Edit:I was made aware that I have used the word divergent, and not diverse. I have changed the link to my edited image. The old image is [here.](https://i.imgur.com/xxrL9uC.jpg) (embarrassing, whatever) I have allso made another variation on the [logo](https://i.imgur.com/mF0gDZ9.jpg)",3 Just wondering because everyone likes you don't want to be a cop. And I am like I want to be a cop. Do you think I'm stupid for whating to be a cop.,3 "My 3 year old reminds me that she needs her medicine. She reminds me that she still has her overnight pullup on. She reminds me every night that we haven't brushed our teeth. She reminds me it is time to eat. She reminds me it is time to be happy. Sometimes the help we need comes from unexpected places.I appreciate my little buddy helping me out when I am not always at my best ❤ Edit- To those that are concerned it is not as bad as I accidentally made it sound. I am not an only parent and she is well taken care of. There are just some days when mom isn't home and I am extra space cadet these things happen. She is not waiting around until 3PM hungry in a poopy diaper. It is more like we get up and go to leave her room and she will be like wait I haven't been changed yet and it isn't even wet, or she will ask at like 11:50 if it is lunch time yet and I will be like ""oh yeah time to eat is coming up"". It was more an observation about how as a smaller child and less than a month away from 4 year old she has some basic concepts of life down better than my recently diagnosed and still waiting to start treatment self has.",0 "Like: Do you also have daydreams/role play going on in your head 24/7? Can you tell your mood based on the moods of your characters in your daydreams? Is maintaining relationships as hard for you as it is for me? Do you like spinning in chairs to calm down, you should try it it’s fun! And probably a hundred other things because I want to compare brains",3 "I just started doing imaginal exposure with my psychologist. I’ve done an intense two week program of it for ptsd before, so i’m not unfamiliar with the process. My current psychologist gave me homework for the week that includes listening to a recording of my last therapy session when I recounted my trauma. I know this is a normal assignment, but i’m having so much trouble with it. It’s now Friday and I see her tomorrow and I haven’t listened to it once! Does anyone have any advice on how to get over my fear of hearing myself? I also worry about how the listening activity will effect me and that i’ll just be super depressed for the rest of the day. Obviously, I’ll discuss this with my psychologist, but I was wondering if anyone else had any tips for PTSD specific imaginal exposure and following through with homework assignments.",3 " After 10 years of being medicated, I stopped taking Ritalin a couple months back to help with a different neurological disorder (visual snow). With diet, exercise and natural supplements I have found a level of mental energy, physical energy and general happiness that I have never experienced before. The downside - no meds = cannot get any work done. Even with my new found mental energy and elevated mood I cannot force myself to be even remotely productive. Does anyone have any success stories of how they came off meds and learned to manage their ADHD?",0 "I’ve been undiagnosed for 36 years until recently. That’s another story in itself. Anyone that goes undiagnosed knows the hell that is associated with it…. That being said, after receiving the ‘best news of my life’ (there actually being an answer!) that there was actually something wrong. I’ve been shamed my whole life for being ‘different.’ My own parents, teachers, guidance counselors, the usual laundry list. I’ve been embarrassed, shamed, and mocked my whole life for being different, I feel like this just put a name to it. I can just hear my parents now…. ‘Awww poor babies got ADD. Is that gonna be your new excuse for everything? I think it’s a bunch of bullshit. You’re gonna get all fucked up off that Adderall shit. You just need to man up’ I’m sure everyone has heard something similar to the above. Not only do I want to accept myself and be accepted by others, I want to one day be actually, maybe, dare I say it, ‘proud’ of who I am’. Wow. What a lofty goal. It’s hard to be proud of yourself and love yourself when your whole life you’ve been mocked and embarrassed for being different. Does anyone else feel guilty simply for having ADHD like I do?????",0 "I don’t know how to get myself up and out of this slump. I just came off of having a fun weekend with one of my old friends. We went to a concert and I felt really confident. I had to drive to drop him off today and on the way back I checked in on my Ex who has been having a tough time too right now. We broke up two weeks ago. The drive home was an hour, so we had time to talk and catch up. But as soon as I got home I felt a sudden emptiness. Its been hard getting along with my roommates (one of which I’ve known for years). I’ve always struggled with being social, and when we first moved in this year I had a hard time with my depression and focusing on work. It took a toll on me so I wasn’t really socializing with my roommates. I just wanted time to myself. It got bad enough to where they’d start talking bad about me behind my back while I’m still there, which made things worse. Its not been fun, I don’t want to move back home, but I don’t have much motivation or desire to move right now. My social awkwardness/anxiety/lack of social skills have made it hard for me to make and keep friends. I just don’t feel the desire to talk even though I enjoy a good conversation. Its made it hard to enjoy the things I want to, to maintain relationships and be the person I dreamed I’d be as at 23. I’ve been laying in bed all day since I got home. I’m hungry, yet I don’t want to get out of bed and leave my room. The lights are off, it’s 8pm, and I don’t know what to do. I’m losing/lost one of my best friends because of this and I just feel lost. I’m just venting right now to be honest, getting it written down somewhere.",2 I’m literally afraid I’m convincing myself that I’m a monster that maybe I’m manipulating my parents into thinking I have ocd but really it’s just me lying like I’m literally panicking my ass off and I don’t know what to do somebody anybody please talk to me,1 "TW: Sexual Abuse Mention, Emotional Abuse/Bullying Mention (Nothing graphic or detailed) I had plans for 2020. This was going to be the year I healed myself and finally got myself a happy life, one worth living and one that was full. Then I got put in the hospital. I had to run from abuse, and I was too dumb to see it was abusive. All the signs we're there. I was even getting physically ill, and am still unable to fight off chronic fatigue and cold symptoms that come no matter what each night. I had plans, but now that I'm back home I don't have any will left to fight for this happy future I wanted for myself. I was sexually, emotionally, and sometimes physically abused in every single relationship I've ever had. I've been exposed to graphic horrifying images. I was bullied and emotionally tortured throughout my whole pre to young teens to the point the school decided to just give up on me instead of help. I live in a world of danger and not danger. I live in fear that my abusers will come and get me again even though rationally I can tell myself i'm safe now, it never helps. I also now have DID symptoms and major fractured consciousness and dissociation due to all the trauma. I wanted to die as a kid even before I even knew what death was. I want to leave psychiatry. It's fucked me over so many times but I depend on medication. I don't mean to sound pseudosciencey but I want to find holistic ways to help myself even if its just placebo affect. Just something because no pill has ever been able to stop my whole being from the intense emotional pain. Its even manifesting as chronic fatigue and physical pain now. I had so many plans for 2020, I was going to research alternative ways to find comfort and healing. I was going to heal, I was going to be happy... But after I went through a horrifying hospital experience after I was abused and realized I've always been abused. I don't know how to keep fighting, I want to but its like I've hit rock bottom and my limbs are broken so I can't climb out. So many flashbacks and extremely horrifying nightmares that my new medication doesn't help lately. The nightmares are the worst because they set my frame for the day. I'm sorry I just needed to vent, if you've read this thank you so much. I just I hate this.",3 "In fact, it would be cool if we were all invisible. We could only hear each other and feel each others presence. There'd be a lot less judgement and I could just get on with life without worrying.",3 "I know I might get a lot of downvotes for this, but please listen to my reasoning. I'm not suggesting that Donald Trump has Asperger's because it doesn't appear that he does, although it is speculated that his son Barron might have Asperger's. Donald Trump signed the Autism Cares Act which funded $1.8 billion to autism programs and he hired a man with autism as a White House intern. Trump is like somebody with Asperger's because he is different. He is not like the typical politician or president that we are used to. Trump is often misunderstood and his words are taken out of context. He is hated by the media and career politicians because he is not like them. He has said and tweeted things that would be considered abnormal for a president. He speaks his mind and sometimes says things that are controversial, but accurate. Whether you love or hate Trump, Trump is his own person. He often ends up standing alone because there are few people in Washington who will stand by him. Trump being president is like an Aspie living in a neurotypical world. Trump is different from the rest of the crowd in DC, which is why many of them hate him. Trump is like an Aspie because he is different from the crowd.",3 "So I have my driving exam on december 6th and right now I can't stop moving my feet to reproduce the movements with the clutch and gas. I can't stop. I logically know that I will practice more and that I will have a last practice class on the 3rd and that I know how to drive, but my brain is convincing me that I will forget how to drive and I will fail and the world is over basically. I'm tired of OCD. I hate it.",1 I wanted to know what you guys do in order to break the loop of a compulsion that you’re stuck on and can’t seem to stop. Thanks!,1 Sometimes I really struggle to have a shower especially if I have been triggered because I just don’t like looking at my body anyone else feel like this and what have you done to make it better?,3 "What I like about this game is that it's one of the few contexts where I can interact with other people as an equal. Among Us provides total anonimity, has no voice chat, and doesn't let you interact with the same strangers for more than a few hours. This combination of traits makes it ideal for aspie social interaction, as long as you only play with strangers in public lobbies and not with people you know in real life. Do you think aspies are likely to be better or worse at this game than NTs? Do you think having Asperger's interferes with gameplay? Are you better as a Crewmate or as an Impostor? Personally I've been doing OK at it, but sometimes I slip up and make stupid mistakes such as killing a Crewmate in front of others. I am better at being a Crewmate and I find it less stressful.",3 "Thoughts are rushing through my head at the moment about me never making it in life. ""You'll never accomplish anything,"" ""you'll live with your parents for the rest of your life,"" ""you'll never get far as a artist."" These are some of the thoughts revolving around in my head and I can't really seem to get them out. I have depression which I am medicated for, and I've taken them today, but they aren't really helping me right now. Any tips on what I can do?",3 "Hi all, I’m confident I have adhd (combined) I had a teacher in early hs tell me I probably do, I brought it to my mum and she said you do too well in school and that was it. Flash forward to uni, dropped out after first year to move to a different continent (one of my many impulsive acts). Finished uni later, after picking a no study program and here I am starting my professional life. I display several diagnostic symptoms. My fiancé who is diagnosed (combined type) thinks I have it-worse than him probably. My roommate whose mother was diagnosed as an adult thinks I have it- after moving in (sorry bout the mess lol). My uncle has it and is diagnosed (genetically related) Wondering what sort of information or personal tidbits I could bring to the appointment, I know in some cases GPs prescribe and that would be ideal because specialists are out of my price range $2000 + (am willing, who knows when I’ll make an appointment). If you were to look at me, I don’t at all look stimulant seeking. Would it be beneficial to mention I tried Aderall once before and it was good, clarity, wasn’t like a normie on aderall. Also would it be beneficial to mention my fiancé was and is no longer medicated (so likely good get access)? I know both are not good things to share but would they assist in getting my point across? Unfortunately my gp does not know me personally because of my inability to make appointments I haven’t seen her (or anyone ) for probably 6 years.",0 "People with “just right” OCD often feel urge for compulsion because they feel something is not right. I wonder when those people act on those compulsion, do they feel “ahh! This is finally right!”?",1 "Long story short I am newly single (hello divorce) and over the last few years I have lost all my hobbies, stuff that interests me, my health. I've pretty much lost everything, friends included. Where do I go from here? I don't even have anybody to talk to. I haven't gotten to do anything that really excites me or brings me joy in years.",2 "I feel like I don’t have anyone anymore. It’s such a specific pain, and I really need to talk about these decisions, and not feeling anchored to a family, or having roots. I feel so lost and alone. Can anyone relate?",3 "Don’t you Hate that feeling when it comes over you, you want to be in others company but don’t wanna at the same time. Just a thought that I needed to vent. All I want is the feeling of being complete but I know it’s gonna be hard to achieve. Glad I’m not alone in this and to see there are others like me in this group. But like always keep your heads up and believe life will get better!",2 "Hy everyone Is tms/deep tms a fraud regarding ocd ? Is it worth doing it if no insurance covering ? ​ Thank you",1 "I have a question that I don’t understand also don’t know how to appropriately handle. I meet a bunch of people from my friends. They are there friends, not mine. But let’s say I get along with them and want to be friends. Or they get my number and you text me. 1. Am I allowed to be friends with them ? 2. Why do my friends get offended or upset that I am trying to be friends with there friends? I don’t understand that concept. In retrospect I try to keep my friends unaware of each other sometimes because the last time I tired to make a friend group. There was a lot of drama none of it having to do with me, but that I was the one that connected everyone. And for that exact reason decided to just leave the whole group setting because I couldn’t deal with the social drama.",3 "So to make a long story short I've just been struggling lately. Pretty much with only one specific theme as well, which sucks. I won't be divulging the theme here but if anyone reads this and is curious just look at my last post on this subreddit. (CW: SELF HARM) So yeah just wanted to vent a little bit. I hope I bounce back sooner rather than later. Thanks for reading :).",1 "Was sitting on a course weighted average of 56.2% and failed 7 units over 3 years in my bachelor of mechanical engineering degree. After starting treatment, seeing an ADHD coach, working on my organisation and study skills, taking medication and starting regular bouldering every week as exercise, I have averaged 76.5% over the last 1.5 years and my course weighted average has gone up to 62.81%. I'm kind of in disbelief at the improvement to not only my uni results, but my life in general and my quality of relationships and self love has improved dramatically, from a place where I was feeling like shit and feeling like I was never moving forward in life. I hope others who are struggling can take inspiration from my life change. Love you all",0 Just looking at some book online about ocd.. just thought I'd jump on here and ask Incase there's some really good recommendation.🙂,1 If I try my best I manage to get a bit done but don't feel good because then I don't have time to relax. I just waste insane amounts of time and I don't know why. I can't even take meds because they all suck for me. I'm so fucking annoyed at myself. I'm such a lazy leech. I waste so much time. Why can't I just get better at life like normal people.,0 "Hi so i was raped two years ago by a person. I tried forgetting about it but after 6months a got a major flashback attack, making me get panic attack, which led to me having ptsd and getting depression. However in my flashbacks i could never really locate the place i was raped (which was at his place) so i tried figuering out where he lived by googling his name, which didn't work because he had moved to anothr place. Until i saw, that in my country one can see the places the person has lived before, so i finally found the place the person lived it. I was thinking of revisiting that place, for some reason i have a feeling that i might figure something out if i do it or that if i face the fear of visiting that same adress i might come to ease with something, i dont know if it is a good idé or not tbh. But something in my guts tell me that i should try visit that place. Maybe it will in some way reduce my PTSD? i dunno.",3 "I have a ritual that is based on cleaning a table where I accidentally broke a statue related to Egypt. I have to clean this statue in a super complicated way saying 1, 2 and 3 for ten times and without blinking and without making a mistake because I have to repeat again. I have to do this at 4pm and 10pm. The problem here is that there was a day where I did not do it at 4pm, or 10pm, but I remember that I have until 4am to clean it and that nothing bad happens. I remember I didn't finish cleaning it at 4am and ended up going to sleep. At 5 and 6 am, my grandmother sadly passed away. I feel like it killed her and it's my fault, I keep stressing out and wanting to clean it up. Now it's 11pm where I live, and I have to clean it up.",1 "I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. I can’t think of my family as emotionally abusive when all my life I thought we were normal. I keep thinking “Doesn’t everyone yell at their kids? Doesn’t every mom strive to lean on their kid for emotional support?” I’ve heard terms in therapy this past week like “parentification” and “toxic family dynamic,” but I’m struggling to think that what I went through qualifies as abuse. I can’t look at my parents and think that they’re abusive. Yet when I think of my time living with them and how little they supported me emotionally and how much I was ridiculed and yelled at I tear up. My therapist mentions that whenever my mother is brought up that a look of fear crosses my face. But I still can’t think of them as villains…I know I’d prefer to stay as far away from them as possible but I still don’t see proverbial “dragon scales.” I’m scared of going back to therapy next week because I don’t like talking about my trauma. Sifting through it sucks and I just don’t want to do it, I’d rather forget, but I guess I have to go anyways",3 "Many people with Aspergers are over empathetic but I’m opposite. I can’t feel it unless ie be it at exact problem. I’m terrible at funerals as I feel like a stranger. Years back a friends dad died and she just sat in front of me crying her eyes out and I just sat here like Wtf do I do? I couldn’t feel sorry for her or awe for her. I couldn’t cry with her. But I went numb it just in all honesty didn’t really care.",3 "Just a while ago, I was like,, pretty empathetic and I used to get upset and sad when I used to see videos or news about people getting hurt, but now I feel like I don't really feel a thing or react at all, except like an ""oh"" or ""that's really bad wtf"". I feel horrible for that. I feel like an awful person. I want to have empathy, but when I see something bad happening online... my brain just kinda doesn't seem to care, or at least react. Is this normal or am I going crazy?? All I want is to be a good person. I keep checking my emotions and reactions to things but when I don't react, I start freaking out.",1 " I don’t even know where to start I guess I’m just looking for advice, about 2 1/2 years ago now I came to the awful conclusion that I was sexually abused, upon getting into my first relationships I realized that I was abnormally essentially terrified of starting sexual situations with these people not from a lack of trust just wanting nothing to do anything sexual because it sends me into a panic attack. I pushed past those feelings mostly to not lose my partners but never let it get as far as intercourse because I simply couldn’t. I also have lots of memories of wetting the bed or being for some reason petrified to leave my room at night that I would frequently pee in my closet as a child or simply hold it in at night. I also started masturbating and watching porn at around 9 or 10 I believe which I know now is most definitely not normal. Now at 20 and being in a few relationships with the chance to have sex no matter how much I push myself or trust the person I can’t do it and it has continuously ruined all my relationships. I’m also very certain that my abuser is my brothers dad, I have always felt and uncomfortable energy being near him or having basically any interaction from him with him being overly touchy or referring to me as babygirl which now disgusts me. but I never put the pieces together until recently. I have basically no recollection of my childhood from other traumas such as physical and verbal abuse and now I guess sexual abuse but I have very blurry distinct and inappropriate fragments of memories which I believe to be this person that’s a whole other problem related to this one but my main asking piece of advice is how to to not bring up that I’ve been sexually abused to my bestfriend and somehow still tell her that I’m not comfortable with her disclosing her sexual relations with her first boyfriend without her taking it personally. I know that I need to begin further therapy for getting semi closure on this I just don’t have insurance at the moment. Thank you for reading this far. Any advice about any of this will be appreciated.",3 "Hello folks, I am interested has anyone with a history of substance abuse actually found a doctor that does not judge you and makes treatment decisions based on your diagnosis and not your past. I was diagnosed late in life(37). It’s actually only been about 4 months since I’ve been diagnosed and I get nervous to tell my doctor about my past because I know a lot of doctors don’t understand and just chalk you up as a pill seeker.",0 "It lost its flavor, it’s gonna get all mushy and nasty and stuff. It’s been HOURS. And unclench your jaw. And for the love of god DO NOT rub your jaw, say “I’m glad I spit that gum out”, and pop another one in. Please. Don’t be me 🥲 my greatest downfall will be chewing gum all day and forgetting about it.",0 "(English is not my native language, sorry for any mistakes that I made ) I don't know where to post this, thought this might be the place. Sorry if I doing something wrong here. I have to say though, I think I'm in a better place than some people struggling but still...... A first year undergraduate student at a university in Tokyo. Came here as an international student, living alone. Not understanding the material that I'm learning demotivate me even more. I know that I'm already stupid, but the material that were taught here and all the bright students here makes it even worse for me. I can't really keep up with the stuff here, maybe I'm just straight up born stupid. I always felt I was struggling even with simple stuff since I was in primary school. Ending up spent most of my time studying during those days just to keep up. One time, the professor told the class to explain the answer for a physics question, which I'm unable to, standing in front of the blackboard looking like an idiot and now most classmate ostracize me (at least that's what I'm thinking cause they seem don't want to talk to me), causing me to be more afraid to talk and make any friends, ending up with no friend. Seeing my other friends at other places doing so well in their own universities makes me envy of them and wish I can be like them. Visiting places, making new friends, doing cool and awesome activities. I can't really go to places or spending money on stuff I want just yet because Tokyo's living cost is high. I just feel miserable right now. Even if I ranted on social media, people just keep telling me everything's going to be fine when in reality it's just get worse for me. I'm just tired. Why I always struggle with things? It's just doesn't feel fair. Even if I try so hard, it just never went well for me. I feel like I want to kill myself or do anything just to make me feel something. And again, I'm sorry if I wrote this in a wrong place, I just want a place to let this out.",2 "I'm male, 34 living in England. Recently have somehow made close friends for the first time in my life. One of them just said maybe we get along so well because we are 2 autistic dudes that just met. Had busy few weeks, but started to reaserch asd and here I am, wondering if I should go down this rabbit hole, but I guess it's too late. You know a new opsesion to have. I'm just constantly even thinking about conformation bias. I guess what I am trying to say, I am pretty sure I am on the spectrum, I'm just not sure what to do now. Do I ""milk"" it, get officially diagnosed? Can I help myself by understanding it more? How do you not become like one of them vegans that point it out all the time. I already want to say people that I am autistic so it's easier for them to understand why I'm such a social retard lol Also the test questions are kinda tricky. I do like to meet new people, but kinda only when I want to and I have kinda mentally prepared. P. S. Sorry my brain just won't stop.",3 "I've kind of come to the conclusion that I probably have PTSD. I have most of the symptoms, and having therapy has made me realise that its not just a mix of depression and anxiety in a spicy cocktail. The issue I'm having is that I don't particularly like going to the doctors, and the doctors I have now at uni don't really listen to me, as in I've been telling them for a year that my meds have no impact, and they keep putting me on the same dose of the same meds so I'm really afraid to tell them and them say that I should have some different meds (a small win) and we'll see what happens, even though the trauma was ages ago and I've been having the symptoms for years. I'm in my last year of uni, and I don't know whether its going to be worth it starting the process this year, especially if I have to fight my doctors every month to even get them to listen to me.",3 "im home for christmas with my anti mask family, which is a nightmare for my OCD. i asked if while i was with her in public that my mom (who is immunocompromised) would wear a mask which ended very poorly. i want to leave and go back to my own home, i can’t keep dealing with this every time i’m here. i just feel defeated and so scared and sad. i don’t know what to do! i don’t care about changing their mind but i don’t know how to make them get how much it upsets me.",1 "Alright so... I have very severe PTSD. It's so bad that it severely impedes my functioning and ability to work. I have basically 24/7 dissociation, constant looping flashbacks etc. In the past, I did EMDR therapy which didn't really help that much (well, I guess maybe it helped a little ... again my case is severe). I also tried mental grounding exercises which weren't very effective. I started seeing a new therapist who has started me on **physical** grounding exercises and it has helped a ton. One exercises that helps a lot is putting your hands against a wall and pushing when you feel like you're dissociating. Another one is wiggling your toes etc... This type of grounding has by far been the most effective. I guess everyone is different and different things work for different people. Just thought I'd share.",3 "Just started 30mg Vyvanse about two weeks ago. Was on nuvigil prior. I’ve noticed the energy but haven’t noticed any improvement in tracking. In ways I think I’m tracking worse. Feel wired till 11-1am from 6am when I take the capsule. Also, I’ve been super angry. Rage might be more appropriate. I do have a lot of things to be angry about, but didn’t have the mental energy to really bother. Do I need more time adjusting or do I need to ask for a change? ( already messaged prescriber)",0 "(I am on mobile, so the formatting might be a bit bad) A little backstory: • I had gotten diagnosed last year in September. • I went through the process of different medication. • And after a few months I settled on Concerta XL, which definitely helps a lot. => (So much that I sometimes feel like an imposter when looking at some ADHD memes, because I don't relate to as much as I once did) Actual success: • Admittedly this was just out of the blue, but yesterday evening I chose to plan my week (I use Google calendar, with maybe close to 20 different calendars to organise everything, maybe it's over the top, but it works). • But the difference this time was I've made plenty of time for fun, and uni work and all that. • Knowing that I will be less motivated to do more work in the afternoon if I had lectures in the morning and putting that in. • Plus this schedule I made to be repeated every week, so I hardly have to plan stuff in the future. • I just remember when I tried to do planning and it worked for a single week, then I had no idea what to do when the week ended. Conclusion (?): I'm actually starting to feel like I am able to handle having ADHD. Yes, I still definitely have ADHD, for examples: I still ramble a bit and semi-hyperfocus (I'll keep doing something for longer than I maybe should, but eventually I can stop myself); I lose track of things like conversations and where things are (recently lost my wallet, only to find it when I got everything in the wallet replaced); I'm meant to be doing the dishes, but I'm writing this post. However, I gave myself the entire morning to do the dishes and maybe get some laundry done if I can. And as for the other stuff, it's not as bad, it's dulled. Plus now that I live with just my girlfriend I can more easily make places for things to go (like a new place for my wallet, so there's no repeats). ------- Tl;Dr: I have made a repeated (only have to plan once :D ) schedule that accounts for my ADHD as much as possible and it works, which is awesome! (Some more rambling if you're interested) Basically my one year in review is: Yes, ADHD sucks, but from my experience, there are ways to eventually treat the problems it causes. And luckily there are enough different solutions to help many different people, so while I can't really use pomodoro well, I have used Google's to do list app (Tasks) extensively, for even tiny things like collecting dishes from a specific room, and that just helps with giving my brain a reward / it makes sure my brain knows I've done something productive. So I guess, what I want to say in this tiny random ramble at the end is: even if it's all a mess right now, that doesn't mean it'll always be like that. Even just this subreddit especially gives quite a lot of different solutions (recently saw a post about doing any 10 things, for when you are low on motivation and stuff, now to get myself away from watching TV, I will do 10 tiny things (e.g. take something to the kitchen, turn TV off) and eventually I'll be getting on with something more useful) (Sorry for the long post and multiple rambles, but obviously all the tangents and additional-information-brackets are extremely important)",0 "I just came from the vegan subreddit and someone said to come here too. I think I know why. People there didn't even see that I'm a suicidal person and they still insist to keep me going vegan even though I have told them I'm in a 3rd world country and the vegetables there are way more expensive than the meat ones nowadays. My food list are just about 5-10 items and I keep breaking down because sometimes it tastes ""more bland(?)"" than it should be and it makes me really sad and numb because I love food but I can't find the joy in eating it. I can't go against my mother too as she would always tell to go buy in malls' groceries because it's more hygienic then the wet markets. I ask the vegan community if I could for now go back to being omnivore or pescatarian but I gotta think about animals. Who knows I get to die instead for saving animals, am I not?",2 "Ive been thinking about my autism and it really only effects my Communication skills, my emotions and my facial expressions, like no joke I have no sensory issues, I never stim, I’m not picky, I don’t require/want a routine, I don’t get overstimulated much and the only time I do is when I have negative experiences socially, I really don’t do many other things that other autistic people do it’s so fucking weird, am I just lucky? Am I just extremely high functioning? God I desperately want to know how autistic I truly am, I seriously don’t know what to make of myself Forgot to mention I have adhd so that probably contributes something",3 "So something triggered my ptsd and now I feel physically sick. I feel so nauseous and just this yucky feeling all over me. I just feel so physically sick. Like I don’t know if I want to cry or just throw up. Never really experienced this feeling, like I’ve felt nauseous during panic attacks I guess, but this isn’t a panic attack, I just feel so physically sick.",3 "I’ve currently been on 30mg of Vyvanse for combined type ADHD for almost a month now and I love it, it works great! The only issue is that it takes me usually 1-1.5hrs every morning to actually “wake up”. I’ve always been super groggy/foggy in the mornings my whole life, but usually it only partially wears off as I stay awake. With the Vyvanse it completely goes away, but Vyvanse is pretty slow release, so it takes a while. I wouldn’t care, it just feels like I’m in “sleep mode” for the first couple of hours every morning and I don’t have the motivation to do much. I get a lot of sleep, usually around 8+hrs, but I was just wondering if there was any way to ease this or “jump start” my brain into functioning before the Vyvanse kicks in? It was so normal before I started meds that I guess I didn’t really realize I was so foggy. I like to workout close to when I wake up, so the lack of motivation suuuuuuuucks. Any tips would help!",0 "Hi everyone, This isn't tea related but I just have no idea who to turn to about this. I was wondering if anyone else suffers from a form of OCD called false memory OCD, where your brain will try make yoh believe that you have done/haven't done something and this is false. Eg: my latest ocd is that I swallowed betadine oral rinse instead of gargling, even though I know I gargled my brain believes I swallowed it and I've this hurt my baby. And nothing and no one can make me feel better, because my OCD won't believe that I didn't do it. This ocd has happened because when I gargled I didn't know it's not recommended for pregnant women.and I panicked and washed my mouth out for 30 mins. I'm just exhausted. It's happened to me for years, I'm just starting to reach out for help but I still feel so alone dealing with this. Thank you",1 "Im not gonna get into it too much, because im just so sick of it. I am 27, I have had ocd for a lot of time, it transitioned to mostly just intrusive thoughts, but im seeing a psychiatrist for a while now and i can manage my simptoms, until.... until its get to masturbating and sexual thought. Now, during sex I have no problem, im super exited and in the mood and my mind is on my partner, but oh boy does it differ when im a lone. I SUFFER masturbating because of this, but im still horny from time to time and want to do it, im a human being and I enjoy seeing couples go at it. I dont have a partner right now and its been some months since I had sex so masturbating is all I have. even thinking about it starts to make me nervouse, i try to brush it off and try to spontaneously just get on my pc and start doing it, but every step of the way, browsing porn and finding the video I want is filled with popping thoughts. Now my intrusive thoughts are mostly religouse, thought im not one myself, i just had a more religious upbringing and the most unpleasent and unsetteling thing for me ever, is associating sexual stuff with religous stuff. So not so long ago today, I got myself to quickly look on reddit for a nice subreddit with stuff i like, brushed of thoughts and starting looking for a video. Very fast I found one that i REALLY liked, super hot, but oh boy. I have a thing with the number 22 im allways scared im associating it with god or somthing idk, its stupid obv, but I just feel that mostly when i look at the time bar I see a number with 22, be it 0:22 or 2:22 and the likes. I freak out and 99% of the time when i see that and go to the next video, I usualy allways look to the end at the cumshot anyways to see what i missed and maybe if its good try to overcome my intrusive thoughts, if its not i dont bother suffering for one more second and i keep going to the next video. Usualy this procces is making my browsing time EXTREMLY long, because there is allways somthing wrong that popps up in my head, and I just am super disturbed to climax if somthing like that popped in my head while finiding the video. So I watch the end of this specific video and DAAAAAAAAAAAAMNNNN was it HOT! super great video, BUT during her cilimax the chick shouted (so many english speakers do that for some reason it messes my brain uppp) ""OH GOD, OH GOD"" I know, pretty casual for a lot of people, but almost allways a nono for me. So imagin that, and the 0:22 I saw at the biggining of the video just as i was looking at the timebar, I felt like someone hit me on the head. I tried quickly finding somthing else but every thing else looked lame compared to these two going at it and climaxing, so i was like THE HELL WITH IT, and quickly watched the video, and came. While climaxing I felt scared to not have anything popp in my head, so I brushed off fear and tried to concentrate and having an allright orgasm at least. Video was done, I was done, and the climax went pretty calm for me comparing to other times but DAMN do I feel bad, I feel vile and horrible and that i should have avoided that video, i dont even wanna think about what im afraid of, why i feel like its so messed up becuase i hate every single second this passes throught by brain. I felt so bad and not OK that here I am, writing this vent on a subbredit I never visit and on my first throwaway account ever on reddit, I dont even wanna pin point the exact reason why i feel bad, WHY I am afraid?! i just feel that i did somthing very wrong and my the whole way I conducted myself throught all of this is just messed up.... ​ sorry for taking up your time and thank you for reading anyways (this is really me not getting into it too much) While I type this I still feel I gotta fix this somehow, convince myself this is all just OCD, I just wanted to watch that hot ass video nothing more nothing less, and there is no other meanning behind this other than that fact alone! Have a great day everyone, you are not alone!",1 Just curious if it's a stim or something else? Is the motivation behind it what defines a stim? I was doing this during a tense appointment I had and spontaneously noticed after I must've been doing it a while.,3 "I’ve had a rough past year due to deaths that took place in my life, along with other situations that have increased my anxiety. In the past I’m able to remember every sexual encounter I’ve had from the beginning to the end. I’ve been working out with a trainer for about a month and we would workout late and leave the gym pretty late as well while janitors were still in the building. I always remember going into the restroom and having conversations in the parking lot to recap my training sessions and talking to janitors and security guards on the way out. A family member brought up to me that the Coach could’ve been trying to groom me and described how the Coach was preparing to make a move soon and described sex vividly. The thoughts from what she was telling me really creeped me out, now I’m having thoughts that what if something did occur in the restroom, however I do remember driving home each night perfectly fine and leaving the restroom, the thoughts and dream start in between entering the restroom and leaving. Is this just a false memory/intrusive thought since I never saw the Coach in this way until after my family member described this explicit scenarios to me? Wouldn’t I remember some type of sexual activity or what lead up to it ( no drugs/ alcohol)",1 "I am raw. The ever present edge of being unsafe ... It is so exhausting. And I just want to cry. And cry and cry. There is a never ending well of fear and pain and tears.",3 "I wonder how many guys with Asperger's are gay. I have a problem with a terrible high sex drive, I wonder how many have this problem too :-)?",3 "Every time I think I'm doing better with cars after the accident a year ago, I get in a car and lose myself. I try to think clearly but I can't. all I can feel is anticipation for the car slipping off the road, hitting someone, spinning on the ice. I can't breathe when I'm thinking that and feeling the jerking and the sliding and hearing other cars pass. I've been in therapy for years and cars still make me cry at the slightest thing to go wrong. sometimes I think if I get in another accident it should just kill me cuz I can't pick up the pieces after even one more terrifying thing",3 "I am currently sleeping in a hotel that has blankets that are tactile equivalent of ceiling popcorn and I want to die UPDATE: I did not die, the inside blanket was amazingly soft and I wanted to steal it, once I figured that out I slept like a rock",3 " I sh and not much blood came out, I hate when that happens cuz then if feels like I failed. I like when a lot of blood come out of the cuts, the warmth on my skin",2 "Hello everyone! First time poster/new member and newly diagnosed. Not sure if this is the best place to post this, but it seems like a wonderful community so here we go! I’m having some trouble finding answers to a lot of what I experience and I unfortunately can’t get into contact with my therapist for the next few weeks. I was wondering if anyone has experience/knowledge of if unrelated stress can cause you to go into a hyperarousal state? Example: Doing taxes, getting super stressed and frustrated, and sort of broke down. My dear SO came in and I had a terrible outburst of rage/anger about the whole situation for seemingly no reason, and it’s not like me to get angry. It’s been happening a lot more lately since facing the trauma/starting therapy and I think my brain is working things out still. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle it, if it’s even related to ptsd..?",3 I have noticed I tend to be calm and stable when I am studying. I feel better when my brain is busy and learning. Does anyone else feel this way?,3 "I've always wanted to go to therapy and get better, but at the same time i don't want to. my life with all of this is extremely hard, but at the same time it's a part of who i am, i'm used to living like this, and i kinda don't want to get better. even though one whole week i want to kill myself, but next week i don't want to. even though i can't watch movies/anime anymore, or talk about/hear many topics and words. i hate it, but at the same time i got emotionally connected to it. i'm fine with having a fear of men, but i'm not fine with living in this awful world. i dont know, i still either dont want to or am not ready to fix myself.",3 "Every time I wipe myself after taking a number two, I accidentally get toilet paper debris on the bottom of my pants. And then afterward, I constantly feel like I need to change my clothes because they're all covered in the germs I got from the toilet paper debris. And in the process, I waste clothes, I wash them too frequently, and I end up wasting Tide pods. Anyone willing to help me with this problem? Thanks.",1 "my birthdays coming up this week and I always hate it. I’m always the one planning my own party and no one ever shows up, yet I plan others’ birthdays and it’s always a bash. I always hate hearing from family who ask me what I’m doing for it bc the only answer I can ever give is “nothing”. no one cares about it and it hurts every year. i wish for once to be the one who has surprises or genuine company for my birthday, but it just feels like I’m forcing for people to celebrate it no matter who I’m around. i just want to feel important",2 "ok, so I noticed why I'm worse than everyone else in my job (and in life in general). It's the thoughts in my head. They are not bad thoughts or anything bizarre, just thoughts that won't stop: reviving old conversations, planning ahead conversations that will never happen, what if's, catastrophizing situations, good insights... but they are a waste of time. Basically they make me procrastinate everything: My showers are longer, I'm never focused at the present moment, I get late for stuff... My head does not shut up and if you count those wasted hours.. they make for a big amount of wasted years. I always have a lot to do because I don't finish anything in time. The thoughts sabotate my progress and achievements. Vyvanse didn't help, in fact it makes me pay full attention to the thoughts when I could be multitasking them in the background (as I'm used to). I wish they would stop for good, or I just could ignore them. Is there any hope for this? I could be so much better than I am now...this sucks. I'm probably running on 25% of my efficiency.",1 "so people at work gave me safety boots and took him home without trying them, next morning i put them on and there were a little bit tight in front my toes were squished together a little, my first thoughts were ""is it too tight or safety boots are meant to be that way? little tight to keep your foot in place?"" I tried to loosen the lace a little bit but didnt work, so i decided to put it back in the box and take to them so they can replace it with a bigger size, on my way there i kept thinking about my foot dimensions , the distance from toe to heal, the width of the foot and height of the foot, i dont want a bigger boot i just want something a little bit wider i kept wondering whether the bigger size would be too big. wondering ""should i just wear it and forget about the whole thing?, or should take it back to them and risk getting a bigger boot that doesnt fit?"" i didnt know what to do and my brain crashed leaving me standing there on the street carrying a shoe box looking completely confused, thankfully my neighbor drove by and gave me a lift to work, he told me i should have it replaced.",1 "Hi! This is my first post here, although I’ve lurked a bit before. I thought I’d ask for some advice or similar stories from people who might do this… or not and maybe it’s just a me issue! That is about the best way I can explain it in a sentence. Basically, once I like something, like a hobby or a piece of media, I begin to distance myself away from it because I become afraid that I’ll do something wrong and ruin it For example, there was a series of video games that I really enjoyed about 7ish years ago. My interest slowly diminished because they weren’t getting any sequels and I did *everything* in them (100% runs, speedruns, you name it). However, I always considered myself a fan of it. Recently, they’ve started getting sequels, but I can’t bring myself to touch the series or watch any playthroughs. I feel anxiety as if I’m going to destroy everything I once loved if I touch them. There’s also many content creators that I enjoy watching, but I’ve never commented once or joined a public chat group or anything. I feel anxiety that I’m going to ruin everything if I attempt to interact with them or other fans. I’m just interested to hear others’ input on this, and hear if anyone has gone through something similar?",3 "so i look up at the night sky and can spend hours doing so. it keeps me so calm and actually helps a bit with the depression. I wonder about other life forms in this universe and fantasize about getting abducted.. meeting other life that actually wont disappoint me nor let me down like most humans have. dae ?",2 "I'm undiagnosed, but after a long time researching and reading so much about it, I'm 99% sure I have ADHD A bit of context: in my country there is a national exam that is required from collage entrance, it is on all high school subjects. Because of the pandemic I've had to start studying for it on my own. \------------------------------------------------------- TL;DR I haven't been able to study all year when I really need to. My parents pressure me all the time for productivity on purpose and won't stop. I'm stressed, overwhelmed and burnt-out. I do have an appointment with a psychiatrist in a couple of weeks, but I can't wait for results or medication since the exam I'm taking is three days from it. \------------------------------------------------------- Turns out the systematic of high school and it's time limit was what my brain needed to be slightly productive when studying. Since I've been on my own I've been failing miserably at studying, every time I try to get something done I simply don't start it, I keep looking at my laptop screen while my brain goes a 1000m/h telling me to do something that I just can't bring myself to, or there's something I should do first (like cleaning my desk) and end up procrastinating all day, always finding a new thing that should be done first. The few times I actually started studying it either really slow and with a lot of distractions or it didn't last long before I found another thing that should be done, so overall unproductive. But what has really been making everything worse is the pressure my parents constantly put me under. I have them all over me every time they're around, always checking my productivity, it's just so stressful, which I did mention before, and they say they're only the job every parent is supposed to, meaning that it is intentional. I feel like I can't breathe and it all just makes me feel like a failure. I feel guilty for not doing the things I know I have to do (and also want to) and if I do things I enjoy when I could(should) be studying instead, which just makes me not really enjoy doing them anymore. I do have an appointment with a psychiatrist in a couple of weeks, that my dad doesn't even know about, because my mom and I know he'd never approve. My mom doesn't believe I have ADHD, she just got me the appointment so I'd shut up about it. But I can't wait for the result and possibly medication because the exam is only three days after the appointment. \------------------------------------------------------- I could really use some advice \-What can I do to navigate this pressure that isn't going to stop? \-What do you do or recommend to do when you have to something that requires a lot of time, focus and all your attention? \-Anything that you think could help feel free to ask questions if you want",0 "It’s gross, I know, but sometimes i’ll go like a week without showering because I either can’t find the motivation or i’ll repeatedly tell myself “oh yeah, I need to shower, i’ll do that later” until it’s too late in the day and then it’s just “oh well, i’ll do it tomorrow” and when I do force myself to shower often times I can’t even get the motivation to do more than just wash my hair. Im mostly curious if others struggle with this as well Edit: Thank you all for the awards!! I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles with things like this",0 "I've lived in apartments for quite some time and never had to any issues. Probably about 6 or so months ago we got downstairs neighbors and the guy that was down there heavily abused his kids and wife. I called CPS and so on and they ended up getting kicked out so I'm not sure what actually happened to the poor kids and wife. Anyways this triggered me, I grew up with a very abusive father and with all that going on beneath us and with it being loud enough to hear all the way upstairs I can't shake it. It's been months and every sound that I hear from the new people makes me go into full on panic when they aren't even that bad. I know I have PTSD from my childhood but I don't know any coping mechanisms to help me not completely freak out from random door slams, windows being shut etc. It's gotten so bad that even I trigger myself. I feel very lost.",3 "The good ones make me feel somewhat ashamed because I repressed them along with the bad ones since they were in places where my abuse happend but I'm also somewhat happy I remember them. I can remember a time where I felt happy which is great. I can say that I was truly happy at some point in my life and I haven't always felt empty and worthless, it's like a strange relief really and it gives me some hope I guess even though I have a hard time seeing a future. Hell I don't even think I'll live past 22 half the time really. I'll be surprised if I do though.",3 "Bullshit. Some people are permanently poor, some are permanently lonely, etc. But If I say: ""Well, If nothing is permanent, you will stop being rich at some point"", people will get mad.",2 I am trying to figure out if i have ptsd or if it is just really bad anxiety.. what's the difference?,3 "I needed to use this account to anonymously vent this. Long story. When I was in school I was in a relationship with a guy and he ended up being abusive. He locked me in his house whilst his mum was away, took my phone, held a knife to me and made me do sexual thibgs and sex. He wouldn't let me call my dad or anything for 2 days after until I could finally leave. Fast forward to two years ago, a girl who was friends with him came up to me in a supermarket in my town and started calling me a ""psycho"" because I ""always hurt myself and try to kill myself"" and I mean she was really being aggressive to me and scaring the shit out of me. I panicked and slapped her away from me. I saw her yesterday outside and last night I had a nightmare about both events I mentioned above. I hate myself and I feel horrible because I smacked her... I am not a person like this I panicked and I feel like just disgusting and I want to die or move away from here where I will never see these disgusting people ever again. I wish she experienced the same thing as me. Mayve then she would understand why I ""always try to kill yourself"" fucking stuoid bitch.",3 "I'm only M17 and I've always known about my autism diagnosis. I have a lot a trouble with finding friends who dont care about my traits; I don't have any anxiety meeting or talking to people, not even presentations. I could literally twerk in front of my class and I wouldn't care. It's just that my traits make new friendships and relationships work at all. I have like 3 or 2 friends that I talk to, but it's only to send memes occasionally or just talk about the same niche topic. I'm not close enough to them to where they would talk to me about normal people stuff and I'm not really interested in doing that since I barely relate to them lol. I'm just wondering if things will work out because I like socializing a lot, but the people I start to attract or talk to always want to talk to me at first, but I start to feel off-putting to them and then they avoid me by ignoring me and spreading rumors to other people that make them avoid me (like ive been called a school shooter so many times, I don't even talk to any of you why would I hate you??). It's been making me severely depressed and suicidal since It's been going on since middle school, along with the fact I've been bullied during this time for my traits and my race and everything about myself. Everyday is the same monotonous routine and If this continues, I wouldn't be surprised if I do end up committing after highschool. I don't really value my life at all and it kinda cheers me up when I think about suicide. I honestly hate that because I know I enjoy doing a lot of things, but socializing and connecting with someone is at the top of that list and it's never fulfilled. I've tried therapy, but they always just talk to you non stop about how you should frame your thinking and it's nothing new to me, nor does it help I've still been working towards getting better though, like I'm pretty proud that I don't really care what people think of me anymore and I've just been starting conversations more. I've also blocked out negative things in my life and self deprecation along with starting to love myself. I've really just been doing this because I'm probably not going to have anyone in my life for years. If I never do, I'll hopefully find happiness within myself and not rely on others for that. ​ Don't feel obligated to respond to the vent, you can just answer the title if you want lol. It just feels good to express my thoughts.",3 "This is my first time posting on this sub, I feel sad more than anything else. I got many happy birthday messages from family and a couple of friends, but all I can think of is my failures, like how I couldn’t handle high school and got my GED, never had a girlfriend, and how the pandemic really messed up my progress on my socializing and social skills. I’m a straight male just to add. I once had a really good licensed social worker tell me that Asperger’s can get better with age as long as I continue to go out and socialize and be patient with myself, but I’m just feeling down right now and can’t see that happening. Is anyone else in a similar situation to me?",3 I used to be just sad about it but now I’m really going stir crazy to have the only friends I have be my mom and dad. Bout to check myself in I can’t do this anymore I can’t do this like I did from 20-25 years old. I want to have happy hours too like my mom gets to go have. help,3 "Hi guys! Someone posted some helpful advice about taking meds on the days where it’s hard to get out of bed and stay away. They said to just take the meds and allow yourself to get back in bed or even go back to sleep. This has helped me be less hard on myself on rough days and made the rough days better because I still got the meds in me and the chance to turn my brain around, get up and make the day much better after they kick in.",0 "Women/ people with periods, have any of you felt like your period was different after starting a stimulant? I’ve recently began taking adderall, and this month around my period has been so much lighter than usual. Could this be the adderall or is it completely unrelated? Let me know your experiences! Thanks!",0 "Hi all. Just wanted to ask a few questions on my ruminations and see if anyone can relate... This is my second real bout with POCD. Had it 6 years ago and it fell off. I was speaking with some people about a child molester and a local guy who got nailed for CP earlier in the day Tuesday. That night I had a thought ... ""I wonder what that's like?"" as in CP. Been somewhat of a wreck ever since. I've had issues with porn in my life but I've been kicking that recently. I was never really addicted but wanted it out if my life. Ever since that thought I have this fear that it's a real desire...a real genuine curiosity. That I will eventually give into it. I'm 32 and have never wanted to see that in my life. I imagine it's awful! I've found myself reading about the laws and what's legal and what isn't. (Apparently simulated with no real children is legal....yay). I can't even imagine how someone could make that! Then I wondered why I was reading the laws about it. More or less like I'm preparing for my new life as a monster. It's so odd and makes me really question things. All an OCD trick? I literally broke down in tears imagining getting taken away as a pedo and telling my wife to never forget that I loved her. I just got a therapist and I will be asking him if he's experienced in ERP before I continue further. I just want to get some insight of the rabbit holes you've been lead down. I know some even look at actual CP as a check to make sure they don't actually like it or are attracted. I'm good. I can't even imagine a sexual situation with a child for more than a second without grinding my teeth. I won't even try. It also feels awful to not argue my case with this son of a bitch. (OCD lol). I'd love to hear from you guys. Thanks.",1 "after a rough week of handling it all, i got myself a new plush (: id been waiting for it for a few weeks and hearing the noises and holding it in my hands i managed to crack a genuine smile after such a rough while!",3 Anybody else ever thought about this? I honestly feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t know for how longer I’ll be able to pretend everything is all good like I’m not going crazy sometimes I even start hearing voices at night I feel insane I wanna breakdown so bad the memories keep coming up I can’t keep living like this the regret aswell I can’t believe suicide is actually on my mind,3 "Feel free to skip over this, I just needed to say some things. Idk how some ppl feel fine anymore. My day goes from waking up to having to put on a mask almost immediately. Throughout school and at home it’s constant pressure to seem “happy” and “excited”. I get through my school day, just to end up stuck in my room to do homework. But guess what? I can’t. I look at the stuff I have to do and feel so overwhelmed. It looks impossible for me to finish, so instead I go on my phone or read books. I genuinely want to finish the work, not because I enjoy it but because I feel like I’m letting down my family and also myself by not doing it. But as soon as I start I get distracted and end up doing something else for an hour. It’s like a cycle that gets worse and worse throughout the night, and just repeats day after day after day. I’m sleeping less and less, and just spend time by myself when I’m at home. People don’t want to hang around me cause I don’t find much that makes me happy anymore, and that makes me feel like a loser. Ik I’m not supposed to care what other people think about me but I can’t help it. I do care. I feel like I have hopes and dreams that are fading away and I can’t do anything about it right now, even though I want to. I’ve stopped eating most meals now and I’m considering self harm to force myself to do work. I guess I just rlly want to feel like I’m actually working hard at school and I want to feel like people actually like me rn but idk how to do that. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about how I feel. I’ve tried with my parents and it just made stuff worse, but I can’t keep all of this stuff bottled up inside me anymore. I’m just tired of everything. I’m pretending to be someone I’m not rn, and I hate that about myself but idk how to change. Thanks Sorry if this doesn’t make any sense",2 "That place in between nightmares and dreams... That place where tomorrows never come, and yesterdays don't hurt anymore... That place where time doesn't exist, and it's easy to breathe... That place where I am not ripped awake yet again by the helpless anguish of my battered body trembling while my shredded heart pours my soul out into the dirt... That place is where I want to be. Not here. Not now. Not these demons from my past taking over my reality. How am I supposed to do this? I can control my conscious days, but nothing once I sleep. I am not strong enough to continue to simply slog through surviving this hell... Every. Damn. Night. I am afraid of being taken back to this place, mentally, where I have no (acceptable) means of dealing with the hell that has been turned loose in my head and shudders through my body. I understand that the hell of my past does not exist in the present, in my conscious logic controlled now. However, when waking from a nightmare ravaging my reality, every single frozen in time moment of then is transported into my gut wrenching heart hammering can't breathe snapped awake shaking in terror unable to scream shuddering reality now... without even the reference to differentiate one from the other. In the nightmares, then *becomes* now in every bit of my emotional reality... and with every piece of the manifestation of the sheer terror that paralyzed me then.",3 "How do you all feel about sudden changes of plans? I’ve had a lot of it today and the NTs in my life don’t understand what the issue is. Can you all share your stories to help me explain this?",3 "**Here what help me the most (ranking from 1 to 10)** ​ Hyperbaric oxygen therapy (7/10) -t its improve my brain after 30 sessions. SGB injection (8/10) - I sleep good now finally thanks to do this. CBT THERAPY (1/10) - Just trigger me cause symptoms to get worse. EMDR (7/10) - Was useful sometimes and other times triggering. SOMATIC EXPERIENCE (4/10) - I am not sure about this one it might help. TRE EXERCISES (1/10) - Don't help at all. SSRI (5/10) - MINDFULLNESS (5/10)",3 "I read the post from 4 years ago, ""**Does anyone else have really bad timekeeping?""** The statistic I keep seeing around is that 80% of us cannot hold down a job... Not autism in general, but Aspies specifically. I am about ready to tear my hair out because I have tried more strategies I can count on, but due to my high distractibility and Murphy's Law (something ALWAYS comes up), I can't even come up with a baseline time for my schedule. My brain fights it every step of the way... it feels like physical pain (?!?). I am beginning to look at Pathological Demand Avoidance because certain things make my brain just short circuit. I'm employed and highly skilled at what I do, but transitioning from home to work, work to lunch, lunch to work, and work to home really throws me for a loop. It takes me 15-20 minutes to pull away from a task, so often it's easier to just skip lunch and work through it so that I don't return late. I leave late every afternoon and battle not accruing overtime and screwing up our department budget. I'm somewhere between 5 and 10 minutes late every morning, and I HATE walking in feeling like I'm behind the 8-ball and everyone's mad at me.. or that everyone thinks I have a bad attitude (entitled, in denial, passive-aggressive). I know this has adversely affected my ability to be promoted, and I'm at wit's end. If shame, reproach, yelling, humiliation, punishment, bribery, baiting or criticism could cure it, I'd be on time everywhere. Every morning is traumatic. I have learned how to make eye contact, how to make small talk, how to express empathy appropriately, and so much more... Overcoming the shortcomings of my ""ism"" has become my life's work. How can something as relatively mundane as elapsed time be my downfall?!? My question is, is there an effective therapy for this??? Some NEW kind of workaround OR APP? Tried the military time tool, and it worked for maybe 3 days.. then things came up -- like they always do. Then I'm back in the frustrated, self-loathing place that puts me at odds with my coworkers and causes anxiety all day. I love my job.. and I've been here so long, my coworkers are my second family. I've lost 75 pounds this year.. if it were a case of lack of discipline, this wouldn't have been possible. Time \*does\* cause me a lot of anxiety.",3 I’m crying rn I’m scared. Like I’m pretty sure I know it’s in my head like I’m just so scared,1 "I’m asking as I’m thinking of doing a startup around that. I think we can build great things if given the correct environment. I think I’ve figured out a way and will start sharing more soon. And trust me, I have no reason to lie, I get irritated when I know something but I have to waste time proving it to people. Anyways dm me if someone wants to help. I’ve worked in tech startups all my life so I know my way around this.",3 "- my brain never shuts up so I can’t think - I always regret everything I do - I am hyper aware so it makes me react in weird ways during unarmful situations ughh I just hate this, I’m trying to sleep but I can’t even do that anymore... when will this curse end",3 "Maybe it's more of a book ad? Anyway I thought there might be something helpful in it for others especially about the body keeping score part. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/sep/20/trauma-trust-and-triumph-psychiatrist-bessel-van-der-kolk-on-how-to-recover-from-our-deepest-pain",3 I'm struggling with the feeling of worthless and loneliness. Feeling almost suicidal everyday. Feeling I can't be loved by anyone since everybody in my life goes away. Wish I could find someone to teach me how tk live.,2 "I don't have the mental energy to explain much, but I just need to say it somewhere. I don't know if I feel more guilty for those who have been hurt due to my inactions, or if I use the guilt as an excuse for wanting justice for myself. On one hand I feel selfish for wanting justice for my own sanity, but on the other I feel like it's all my fault for not reporting my rapist sooner and letting other women be hurt by him while I was running away from it all. Is it wrong of me to want justice for myself? Am I selfish? Do I not deserve to have those thoughts seeing my inactions led to the pain of many more? I don't know how to recover when I feel I don't deserve to.",3 I'm F14 and my parents have never gotten along and they have never been abusive to me or my sister F18 but there have been a few fight and only one with a small amount blood drawn but I can't even stand a small disagreement between my parents because I and terrified because I don't know if it will turn into a full on fight and it just terrified me I will lay in the bed in a ball nearly screaming any loud noise even in class will trigger a really bad panic attack could it be PTSD like is it bad enough to be PTSD I'm not looking for a dignosis I'm just wondering if I'm should go to the doctor about it or not (btw 0arents don't allow counseling),3 "Anyone notice that in a lot of movies, the villains and the fools are often people who display at least some Aspergers characteristics? Like everyone from the Grinch to the 40-Year-Old Virgin, just seems like misunderstood Aspies, used and exploited in film to make people laugh or feel secure about their social skills. Sometimes I wonder if Aspergers is this unspoken minstrel in modern media.",3 "I have no other place to tell how i feel so this seems to be the right place :) . I'm in a relationship with someone ,but my ocd keeps screwing things over .The other day ,he wanted to kiss me and in that moment ,my mind started to think all sort of things so i just moved and said nothing. How do you guys manage to have a relationship while dealing with OCD? :(",1 "I have been Diagnosed with ADHD for 13 years and have been taking medication since the start. I have done well in school (only really subjects I like) as I think I am relatively intelligent. However, I have experienced am issue through my education process. Although I have been diagnosed with ADHD and know that it is a real condition, I still feel like I am just being lazy whenever I struggle to execute a task. I just look at myself not doing the work and think ""Damn, I'm pretty useless"" It also effects how I feel about using medication. I see myself as having weak self control which leaves me wonderding why I should be given the advantage of ritalin. I don't know how to get myself out of the idea that I am weak-willed and get myself to internally recognise that my ADHD is an actual thing.",0 "I have just spent 3 days in bed. Didn’t even work. Don’t care if I get sacked. I slept a lot. Now my back, my neck, my head hurt. I went out just once, to buy alcohol. Today I will get up, not because I want to, but because I have to. I will put on my mask, and pretend I’m okay until Christmas is over. And then, I’ll go back to sleep.",2 "I have dyscalculia and ADHD. Measurements and maths are extremely slippery and challenging for me, and that explains why despite my interest in making food I so often find it a negative experience. The hurdles of impaired executive functioning that get in the way of making food are compounded by my dyscalculia (""up to 60% of people who have ADHD also have a learning disorder, like dyscalculia""). It explains so much, and now I'm all excited about developing new strategies based on this insight to making cooking a better experience for myself. I just wanted to share this revelation in case it might be helpful to someone else here with similar challenges.",0 "I am not who I want to be. I wish everyone could read each others minds so we really understood why we aren't all making the right decisions. Everyone is influenced by the experiences they have had-our youth, especially. Unfortunately, I still do not understand why I am the way I am. I am uncontrollably, helplessly selfish, but at the same time I put everyone before myself. People pleasing. Identity issues. My addictions and bad qualities still have priority, though. I don't realize it most of the time and I hate it because I am so submissive to whatever my temptations want. When they take over, it is like I am in autopilot and I don't feel in control until the damage has been done. I feel guilty because I let myself get like this. I can't express myself because I don't know what I want, but only how to survive who I ""am"". If I could start over, my priority would be to know and love myself before I try to develop a connection with anyone. I feel stuck now because in order to learn this, I have to recluse from people I love. Most of them don't feel I love them because of how I am. I wish they did. All I need to fix all of this is strength. Self control is the key to the life you want to live. With all this insight and understanding, you would think I have the keys I need, and in this moment, I would agree. It will work for a couple days or maybe even one week, but this cycle is spinning faster and faster. I have tried therapy, but I have such a hard time explaining what my problems are when it comes time. To most, it seems I am just a pretty boy who parties and does wtf he wants. I desperately want to be the opposite-a man who knows who he is, is accepting of who he is, and knows how to express who he is to people, without hiding my true self. Everything around me-my finances, my love, the little self control I had, is caving in now. Where do I find the strength to pursue a self respecting life? How do I change? I can't offer you strength. Without my self control, I cannot move forward.Does it cost money? I don't have money for that. Do you take faith? I'm sure you do, but faith requires strength and discipline. My mind always finds a way to convince myself to not live an honest, self respecting, loving life. I believe it is everyone's vision the moment they are born. How unfortunate is it?-that we are influenced, by things we don't remember, that change our innocent intentions? I don't recognize what lead me on this path of self destruction, and the little I do understand, is unfortunately hard to translate to people who are willing to help me. I have identity issues. I feel different every day. I wish I was connected with who I am more. Self control. Loving yourself. I wish it was as easy as it sounds. I am very lost on what to do. I do not feel in control of my life-it's like something wants to be miserable. I wasn't planning on posting this, I just started typing on the notes app, thought could use some feedback If you read all of this, please know that I have never really wrote before, especially about myself. I understand that was is all over the place, but I kind of just let my mind do the talking. I'm 27. Soon I will lose my car, my girlfriend, and be in a financial turmoil. I do not want to kill myself, and I want to be prepared for when all this happens. Any bit of advice or positivity can help me prepare. I really am at rock bottom. I know I didn't go in depth about my exact situation, but it's basically I've been making terrible, self destructive, bad decisions most of my adult life and I do not feel in control anymore.",2 "Struggling to just get by everyday. Wake up but don’t eat. Probably have your first meal in the evening. Manage to wake up but can't pay attention in class bc all you think about during that time is ways to ---- yourself. Even getting yourself to do homework requires those thoughts somehow as motivation bc it's the one thing you look forward to. Look at the screen and see the work you have to do. Feel overwhelmed and realize you can’t understand everything in this span of time. Spend a ton of time on the work. And it’s not even just solely focusing on the work. It's also stressing and cursing yourself out. At the same time, as you walk to class and head back to your dorm, you realize how lonely you are. Roommate does not talk to you and you don’t really have a deskmate to converse with in your classes. You feel so alone, and at the same time, you know you don’t feel worthy to be around others. You feel like a ball of negativity and that all you do is act like a human repellent. Your life feels like it's spiraling and you feel like all the energy is zapped out of you. You take every moment possible to lay in bed and hope that the more you nap, you'll feel just a little bit better.",2 "Female- 20 when i told my SO i want marriage and kids he said i only seen to think about sex and then told me this: You keep talking like a maniac, one time you say you are a Virgin but the other time you go all out talking about sex. What's your stand? What vision then? ( I apologizd for that /) It looks as though you express yourself according to whom you are really. I guess it is what it is. — Now. I told him i can still be virgin and masturbate and have sexual thoughts and so on. I don't appreciate being called slut indirectly. Anyway sex is important part of a relationship. If you are attracted to someone you want to do it. He seems to not be attracted to me though. From 7days week i talk about it like 3 times and then it is the only things i talk about TL:DR;. I am upset at my boyfriend accusing me of bad things and also calling me maniac. Idk what to do. Am i wrong",2 "Well the title says it all. I’m a 21 year old male, and I barely know how to cook anything. I can really only make basic things like ramen noodles, oven food, microwave food. I moved out of my parents house about a month ago and haven’t been eating healthy at all, and I want to change that. Any tips on easy meals that I can start making? Any advice would be appreciated a ton",0 "I've denied my condition is anything but normal for a very long time, for about 2-3 years I think. I've been telling myself the flashbacks and panic attacks I've been having, are just the result of me being tired, timing getting the better of me, or just me being immature, but I've slowly come to terms with my condition, even if I won't be sure until I get a diagnosis, but this won't happen any time soon, since I'm afraid to reach out to any psychologist/psychiatrist for reasons I'll get into later. I am almost convinced I've been suffering from PTSD or something similar like CPTSD for many years, but I've never been fully honest with anyone about this subject, neither have I ever told anyone how I think I got into this mess, mainly because no one truly cared to listen. I finally decided to share my story with some people who might understand me and perhaps give me some insight into what the hell is wrong with me. Without further ado, this is what I've been keeping inside of me for so long ( It will be long, so please bear with me ): WARNING! In the story, there are mentions of child abuse, bullying, self-harm, and betrayal. I advise anyone who thinks reading it will cause them to have an episode, to scroll past this post. 1. Parental abuse The earliest memory I can recall is one of my mom shouting at me for a reason I can't remember. I don't mean getting reasonably angry, I mean screaming at the top of her lungs to a 3-year-old child ( I don't know what I did back then, but it must've really pissed her off ). Since they're bipolar, both of my parents have always had a tendency to go from being completely calm to hysterical in a split second, and most of the time, their anger was towards me or my brother. I don't know exactly what my brother's gone through, so I can only speak for myself when it comes to how our parents have been abusing us. Ever since I was really young, my parents would waste no time finding an excuse to torment us verbally and psychologically, even if their excuse for doing so was totally insignificant. I remember when I was 8 and my mom threw a textbook at me for not spelling a few words correctly and them storming out of the room enraged, or when my dad would force me into exercising with him and whenever I told him I was tired, he would blast me with all of his anger and leave me terrified to the point of being motionless. Whenever my mother wanted to find her way out of an argument she was losing, she would either play the victim to a harmful extent or scream at me to leave the room until I did. For example, when I told her I didn't want to visit my grandma ( God bless her soul ) who was suffering from dementia because it made me sad seeing her like that and because I already had enough factor stressing me out, she told me without a hint a shame "" If you think you've already told her what you wanted to stay, then, by all means, stay home "". When she decided I was drinking too much soda and that I was addicted ( I only drank a can per day ) and I tried to explain to her that wasn't the case, she at some point just started screaming ""LEAVE!"" over and over and over and over, causing me to briefly relive similar events until I decided I couldn't take it anymore and left the room. I hadn't told her everything I needed to say, so I returned 10 minutes later to resume our conversation, but the moment I opened my mouth she screamed "" LEAVE NOW, OR I'LL TAKE AWAY YOU COMPUTER, YOUR MONEY, YOUR PHONE AND EVERYTHING ELSE YOU HAVE!!!"" while repeatedly hitting the floor with her foot and screaming the ""a"" in ""have"". It wasn't that I believed her, but like I said, whenever I'm getting screamed at, I get flashbacks and literally relive my past traumas ( I catch myself cursing the person who hurt me without realizing as if they were in front of me ) and freeze completely, so I just left because it wasn't worth the trouble. They also have destroyed my motivation, forbid me from making decisions by myself, and crushed my dreams on multiple occasions. I started believing in God as a middle-schooler, however, my parents being atheists, pressured me into stopping. Every time I'd pray in front of them, they would both look at me in disappointment and they indirectly bashed me every time religion was brought up. On one occasion, they practically forced me into breaking the eastern fasting, which forbids me from eating olive oil, dairy, and meat. They'd made peas ( which contained olive oil ) and didn't allow me to leave the table nor would they stop lecturing me until I had cleaned my plate. I eventually gave in, but I still refused to finish it as a means of protest, but it just made them lecture me even worse. I still regret giving in... Other than all of this, they've forbidden me from studying oversees, not because we didn't have money, but because they were so convinced I would end up failing, they outright told me they wouldn't allow me to do so because of that exact reason. Since I was attending a french school before I graduated, half of my class, even those with grades much lower than mine are now in Denmark, France, and Holland to study and every time I see a post/story about them being there, I just break down crying. The worst thing they've done by far is not reacting when I told them about my suicidal tendencies. As a result of us having a ""fight"" ( they were just insulting me and didn't allow me to speak ), they would be intentionally cold-hearted towards me and avoid me for over a week. This caused my anxiety to skyrocket, to lose sleep, and at some point, suicide seemed like a reasonable thought in my mind ( even though I had no intention to listen to these thoughts ). When I told them, at first they seemed mildly concerned, but when I told them why I had those thoughts, they went back to being cold-hearted after telling me "" I won't apologize for my stance against you. What you did was unacceptable ( literally nothing ) and I am sure I've failed as a parent. The only reason I'll believe I've failed worse will be if you end up being a junkie. I no longer have these thoughts, needless to say, my folks didn't help much. 2. Bullying I was always the guy to be bullied for some reason. Whether that would be in elementary, middle, and high school and even now as an adult, it always seemed to me like bullies were attracted to me. My ADD was what they were making fun of most of the time. They would clap in front of me whenever I was spacing out, claim I was just lazy and present my condition as being easy to solve. One son of a bitch even said "" I don't get why your grades are mediocre. If distractions are what makes your space out, then why don't you simply close the door and the windows of your room when studying? "" There was one bully in particular who although he was being friendly with me most of the time, he was a spoiled brat, so even a minor inconvenience would cause him to get unreasonably mad and would be rude and abusive to me in particular every time it happened. On one occasion, he even kicked me without any warning. He would just outright ignore me when I spoke to him, shout at me for a stupid reason like saying good morning when he wasn't in the mood, and be rude in general, only towards me. This may seem strange, but he had a really weird way of eating his launch and whenever I catch myself eating in a similar manner, I relive memories of him abusing me. 3. Always getting the short end of the stick If you're going to ask what exactly I mean by this title, even I don't know for certain. The only thing I'm sure of is the fact that misfortunes always seem to happen to me and no one else around me. The school I chose to attend was filled with spoiled brats who think they're the center of the world. Seeing behavior like this reminded me of people who've hurt me since many of them are also narcissists, so I wanted to change schools immediately after I noticed. The fact I never seemed to fit in also didn't help, but my parents refused and practically forced me into staying for 6 years. Nothing I said would convince them, so I was stuck in a building filled with people I hated and who have hurt me for 8 hours daily. Every romantic relationship I've had has ended with me being either hurt or in danger. They're too many for me to list, but the highlights would be the one that ended with me being falsely accused of attempted rape and the one that ended with some guy blackmailing me and trying to beat me up. I was the one to end the first one because I realized my significant other was a pathological liar and couldn't be trusted. Once I did, she told the entire school I supposedly waited for her in the bathrooms in order to rape her, but she escaped. There was no evidence at all to support her claims, but that didn't stop people from believing every word she said, and eventually, the principal was informed. Fortunately, he had basic common sense and realized the girl's claims were flimsy since she claimed it all took place on a day I was absent, so word got out she lied and my name was cleared. Some people were cold to her for a week or two, but within a month, people seemed to have started being friendly with her again and every time someone I liked was being nice to her, I was suffering in silence. The second one ended with her telling me she only wanted us to make out as a one-time thing and that she only stayed with me just so she wouldn't hurt me. I was obviously hurt worse and months later we got into a fight since I learned she was shit-talking me behind my back at her current boyfriend. Her boyfriend sent me death threats and a few days later tried to beat me up, but I fought back and managed to get away. He's still searching for me and has even admitted to some people I know he knows I've done nothing wrong and that the only reason he wants to beat me up is because he's bored. My psychologist is untrustworthy. He has lied to me on numerous occasions and has let his personal views cloud with judgment. I have tried calling a helpline in order to vent, but I ended up getting detained when I told them some of the same things I'm telling you right now. 4. My symptoms All the symptoms I'm about to list, have been caused by the traumatic experiences I've been talking about in this post. \- Panic attacks, anxiety attacks, and rage attacks, sometimes without a trigger. \- Flashbacks so vivid, I often catch myself reenacting the event I'm remembering at the time \- Irrational fear of sleep. I hate the idea of being alone with my thoughts without being able to react for 7-8 hours \- Consumptions of alcohol, tobacco, and on some occasions marijuana \- Seriously thinking of ditching a friend just for doing something I mildly dislike \- Even a minor inconvenience can be the subject of an episode now \- I once harmed myself with a needle, but I stopped once I realized what I was doing is stupid \- I am afraid to leave myself emotionally vulnerable because I always end up getting hurt whenever I do so",3 "I seem to have a problem with maintaining close relationships in certain scenarios for the long term. I was wondering if this is an ADHD thing or something else. For instance, I have this friend, she's a really good friend. Absolutely amazing. We would hang out every weekend or just meet up, we have known eachother for years. But all of a sudden after she moved farther away, it was like put of sight out of mind. I know I should contact her, I know I can call her up, I know I can just text, I can even just drive right over a few hours away. But it's like.... in my brain, we reached a level and borderline subconsciously I feel like it will stay there. It sucks out my motivation to talk first to her. I seem to be able to pick off where people leave me to anyone else who is not all that close to me. But those in my inner circle seem difficult to maintain until something new or exciting happens and I catch myself fixating on one relationship compared to another. I'm not entirely sure how to describe it. Although romantic partners don't seem to have that issue. Friendships seem to be a main thing though for myself. Am I describing it correctly or am i describing something closely to something you can relate to? How do you get out of that particular box? If so, does anyone have any advice?",0 "Hey. I just want to let you know that it's ok to mourn intensely for things other people think are dumb. Be it a pet, a person, a idea, a hobbies. Anything. Anything you might have obsessed over. Because let's be honest, emotional dysregulation hits different. I had to mourn a relationship I never had. I hyperfixated on a person and caught feelings. We ended up only being friends. I thought I was dumb for crying and hiding away from the world. But afterwards I felt a lot better. I was able to move on. I'm giving you permission to mourn however you need to and to feel the fuck outta those feelings. Do it.",0 "Most of the narrative around OCD is that people with OCD do their compulsions to reduce anxiety. This never made sense to me because I never think to myself “I am making sure the toilet is done flushing because I want to stop being scared.” Instead I think to myself “I am making sure the toilet is done flushing because I don’t want to flood the house.” Or “I am making sure I didn’t make out with this person because I don’t want to be a cheater.” Or “I am making sure this person I talked to about sexual things was over 18 because I do not want to be a groomer.” I have been diagnosed with OCD and have been getting treatment for years and no therapist has understood. Because of this treatment has been mostly ineffective for me. Because they say in ERP “just wait for the anxious feeling to pass.” Or “live with the uncertainty.” Neither seem valuable to me because neither are my concern. I don’t care about the anxious feeling. I am not uncertain at all about what I need to do or what might happen. I care about the *moral consequences* of neglecting my problems. Thus Anxiety reduction has never been my goal. Hence the normal ERP narrative makes no sense to me. Can anyone else relate? What do you think?",1 "I’ve recently developed obsessions about other people and their morals. I’ve always had fears about being a bad person, mostly about myself, but lately it’s moved onto other people. For example I’m afraid to hang out with my friends because I’m afraid they are secretly bad people and do terrible things etc. even when I don’t have any reason to think so. Has anyone else experienced this? I feel really bad for projecting it onto my friends.",1 "Hi, I have mentally checked out. Feeling numb, ashamed, waiting for the impending doom. I haven't thought of hurting myself yet but I keep thinking it's the logical progression. I have really low tolerance for pain/suffering, atleast that's what my mind has convinced me. I cannot imagine a future where I keep suffering from anxiety and depression for prolonged periods of time. Everything seems to remind me of this thought, whatever I do lol. Looking for some advice however drastic. Thanks for reading.",2 "So I see a lot of people talking about them here and ik it's a common trait, but I'm not sure what is really meant by it? Is it crying and screaming? (Which I don't find myself doing) Or is it getting very angry, shouting and leaving? (I relate to this one a lot more if it would be counted as a meltdown) I guess it could be different for every person? What do your meltdowns look like if you don't mind sharing? Edit: I'm 17 and used to do the first example a lot when I was younger, I probably still would now but very rarely (I can think of 1 in the last 5 years because of a bad sensory overload?)",3 "I apologize in advance because I know I am going to write a lot down here. I was diagnosed with depression and severe anxiety before, but never got any treatment for it. As the years went on I guess I have been feeling a bit better depression wise. I've always wondered if it completely went away because I wasn't feeling like this too much before, maybe some episodes in the past years. Recently every single night I just want to bawl my eyes out. I have insanely depressing thoughts and because of my anxiety I just make up horrible scenarios that I can actually see happening and just ponder them for hours even though nothing has even happened to trigger these thoughts. What I mostly don't understand is why during the day I can talk to people, have fun, and be relatively okay but the minute it starts getting dark out I just become a mess. I spend a lot of my time at night in front of my computer and go to bed around 1AM. I feel extremely lonely. I feel like I will never have a friend group or someone who I can call and just talk to about what's going on because I feel like I am just bothering them. I don't want to feel like some attention seeker I just really need to talk to somebody sometimes. I have one really good friend, but she is on a different continent so it's difficult to talk to her. I feel like I can never fit in anywhere. I view myself as a ""floater friend"" because I get along with pretty much anyone, but it's not the same as having a friend or friend group who you just goof around with, who calls you to hang out. There are some people who do that, but it's very rare and it feels like it is usually just because we have the same class or go to the same school. I am genuinely tired of feeling like this every single night-sometimes day-and honestly I don't know what to do. I don't want to bring this up to my parents. My brother goes to therapy and they support him, but I feel they have always had a different view of me. When I was diagnosed my mother didn't ask a single time if I was alright. I'm not someone who talks about their feelings a lot and I am emotionally distant from my family, I feel weird saying 'I love you' to them and almost never say it. I feel like an absolute piece of garbage at night and I feel like I am not worth anything so I am easy to dispose of. I am not at the point of self harm because I stopped doing that a long time ago, so I am not concerned with that. I am more concerned with the fact that I am going to be falling in this black hole forever and always have these feelings that will never go away. Should I see a therapist? I don't know if this is temporary because I thought my depression had gone away. I appreciate any advice that you are able to give me. Thanks for reading.",2 I was just officially diagnosed with high-functioning autism and my parents just said that they already knew. I've went through so much pain and they didn't even tell me. I had a suicide attempt months ago because I feel like shit everyday. They still couldn't even tell me what the root of all my problems is. Damn. Now I just slashed the shit out of my leg and don't know what to do. I hate myself and everyone else.,3 "A follow-up to my [previous post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/py0yfp/vyanse_from_zen_monk_to_anxious_rumination_whats/): - Went on 30 mg of Vyanse - Felt clear headed/quiet-mind for 3 days - Which then dissipated, followed by 5 days of high anxiety - Then about a week of forgetting to eat - Before finally returning back to a baseline of feeling like I was before medication (i.e. I couldn't tell I was taking Vyanse anymore). The doctor I've been seeing says he's never seen someone develop tolerance so quickly, and thinks that increasing the dosage will just result in the same and could lead to dependency at high dosages. He's suggested I try Strattera, which appears to be a non-stimulant/SNRI. Anyone have any experiences with it before? Also, not going to lie, I don't feel like the quiet mind I experienced is going to come back, and I feel like I came this close to feeling like my real self.",0 "This analogy was told me to me when I was in an inpatient treatment facility for ptsd and it really helped me understand trauma, shame, ptsd etc. Trauma -and the shame it comes with- is like a mold. It grows and thrives in the dark, in closed off, damp places. Imagine mold growing in a closet in your home. You can close the door, and you won’t have to look at it or even really deal with it at all. The thing is, when you come back to check on it a year later, two years later, 20 years later, it won’t be the same as when you left it. It will have grown. A lot. Trauma is the same way. A lot of people understandably want to put off facing their trauma through therapy/treatment etc until they’re in a better place in their lives. It’s inconvenient and most people want to wait until they’re done with school or more comfortable at their new job etc etc. So a lot of people close the closet door and tell themselves it’s fine and they can look at it later when they’re more ready. When you come back to look at trauma later, it won’t be the same as you left it. It will have grown, a lot. Shame and suffering grows when we hide it. It thrives off secrecy and alone-ness. The burden of hiding our pain from ourselves and others multiplies it. The burden of protecting others from our reality multiplies our shame. You will see people on this sub and in other areas of treatment who are just beginning their journey and they will say “I wish I dealt with this 20 years ago”. The way to begin addressing trauma is the same way we can begin addressing mold. We need to air it out. Open the closet and leave the door open. Let sunlight shine onto your trauma and let it be seen. We don’t have to keep it a secret anymore to protect ourselves or other people. I’ve found that speaking the truth about what happened to us is the most terrifying thing in the world until it actually comes out of our mouths. The more we talk about it, the more we let the day light fall on it, the less power it will have over us.",3 Asking because jeans dont cut it anymore for me...i want those really baggy ones that the parkour people have and yes its because im hyper-sensitive,3 "I tried talking to my trauma therapist about how I feel I've overcome my ptsd but he says I haven't, I still have to much of a reaction. I just feel so defeated. I had a miscarriage about three and a half years ago causing flashbacks, nightmares and made my blood phobia worse. I couple of months ago I had a realization that my little Daisy is totally separate from my miscarriage. I can still grieve her without getting triggered by the actual medical procedure of miscarrying. Since then I haven't had flashbacks or nightmares, at least not about that. I thought I was doing so well I'm my treatment and it just feels like three steps back.",3 "Hi everyone! Hope you are having an amazing day. I'm 23 and i was diagnosed with ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder a while ago (the ADHD a couple months ago and the GAD was diagnosed a few years back the line). And now that University is over and i don't have a job just yet, i feel like i'm trapped in a cycle, a daily loop, where i can't get out and i can't make myself do stuff. And i just feel as the hours and days go by without nothing i can do about to get out and be productive in my house. I can't do chores cause i just forget and everything feels so heavy to do (mentally). Have you ever felt like this and what have you done to help it, and hopefully, 'get out of the loop'? PS: I'm seeing a therapist and take meds for ADHD. ###",0 "hii i’ve had ocd for around over a year now, i’ve dealt with pocd, zocd and hocd and alongside all of that i’ve also dealt with unwanted groinal responses either after an intrusive thought or when i’m testing myself to see if i’m into whatever, is this a big indicator of what i like sexually ? i have no desires or urges to act on any of these like i do with other legal sexual acts so when i do get the gronial response i do tend to reassure myself with that but i’m not sure if that’s actually how it works, i could live a happy and content life without doing any of these disgusting things and i only desire sex with people my age or around my age so surely it doesn’t mean anything right? thanks loves !",1 "I feel like I was medically neglected as a child and now as a teen. I couldn’t help myself then because I didn’t know. Now I can’t help myself because it’s too late and I’m still a fucking minor. All my teeth have fillings/cavities in them, I haven’t been to the eye doctor since single digits. My mental health has been fucked for as long as I can remember. There is so much wrong physically and mentally and no one cares and I can’t do anything about it since you have to have a parent present and it seems no one can find the time for me. I’m so tired of everything. I’m 17 but it feels like I’ve been suffering forever. And I know all’s I have ahead of me is despair and misery.",2 "I put imposter syndrome in quotes because im using it for lack of a better phrase. I don't know if it's because I've always been extremely uncomfortable with expressing emotions/witnessing displays of emotion, but when I have a a flashback or an episode I feel like I'm being really overdramatic. Like I'm being very performative and I have this voice in my head telling me that I'm being way too dramatic, to reign it in and that I'm obviously just faking it for attention. This also come along with me downplaying things which is a coping mechanism of mine. Like telling myself my trauma ""isn't even that bad"" or that it doesn't warrant PTSD etc. Now I can rationalise these thoughts because my physical symptoms aren't fake. I can't stop the shaking and the hyperventilating. I also hate attention/being fussed over, if anything I get extremely embarrassed. But I was wondering if this is a typical thing? To have your brain tell you that you're just faking it and that it's not that bad? Edit: everyone responding to this saying they also experience this is very reassuring and comforting Wishing you all well.",3 "I dont know if I can attend university anymore because of this, even though I haven't started yetThis week, I made so many reassurance seeking questions to the point where I got banned in one server and almost got banned in another, combined with hidden biases that was unconvered from those experiences. Since then, I have never felt more unstable than I have this week. I was paranoid that people wanted to hunt me down irl for what I said. I was paranoid that people havent forgiven me for what I did. I did admit my mistakes. But. That still left me awfully fucked. I've tried to take my life a few days ago and almost crashed my car wanting to kill myself.I just stopped caring about living. I look forward to death.But despite the negativity, please, all that suffer with OCD, don't listen to your compulsions. They can really hurt you and possibly literally kill you. Please dont.",1 "I have a pretty bad imposters syndrome about mostly everything in my life but I get it hard when it comes to my PTSD. I don't know if this is too personal of a question but what are your flashbacks like? mine are triggered by the most annoying things (aren't all triggers annoying?) and they don't put me into a full memory where I feel like I'm in that moment (you know like the way media portrays it, everything fades around you and suddenly you're back in that memory). I usually get a painful stabbing memory that crosses my mind and it's hard to put back away into my trauma box. it's like a clinging image that I'm shocked came up because I forgot it happened and then I just struggle to forget it again. or I get a wash of a disgusting feeling over me (for context my PTSD is because of sexual abuse) and I feel gross to be in my own body so much so that I actually feel nauseous and sick. what are your flashbacks like? sometimes I feel like mine aren't valid or they aren't ""true"" flashbacks because I've seen so many portrayals in media that it makes me feel like maybe I don't have a serious case of PTSD. do you guys ever feel this too?",3 "It's seems like I can't seem to win with these people. I have been told that i smilie too much and when I try to smilie less I get told to stop frowning or to cheer up like which one do you people want! I'm also having the same issues with eye contact apprently I either give too much or not enough I can't seem to find a balance. Part of me thinks that I shouldn't give a fuck about what people think but then again I am really lonley : (",3 "I started taking Strattera recently and it’s helping a lot but I’m noticing that every other day or so, it will take FOREVER to kick in. Yesterday and the day before I took it around 7AM and felt it around 9, 9:30. Maybe 3 or 4 days ago, I took it again around 7 and didn’t feel it until the afternoon. Today I took it around 8AM and I’m just now feeling it’s effects at like 4. Weird, right? Anyone else had any weird delayed onset experience with their meds? Any way to figure out why it’s happening or try to get it to stop?",0 "Anyone have any tips for communicating to your therapist when you get so anxious that you can’t think clearly to say what you want or answer their questions well? I know I need to tell my therapist this, but find it so hard when I can’t think. I keep having sessions where I regret not being able to tell her things or mention what’s happening. Like she’ll ask me how my exposure practice went and I can’t give a good answer and it feels like my brain freezes up. I was hoping she might notice how I have difficulty communicating and answering her questions and bring it up but I guess it’s not obvious to her.",1 "For example, you're texting a friend and they say something offensive/ignorant and you get anxious thinking you were ""part of the act"" by being part of the conversation. Anyone? I feel like it leads me to avoid conversations sometimes.",1 "So I’ve been on sertraline for almost 3 months and it’s helped with my depression but lately I feel very blah, almost apathetic. I picked up drawing again at the beginning of the pandemic and was learning to code but I struggled too much and now I just watch endless YouTube videos and switch back and forth between them — some are less than 5 minutes — because I get bored so quickly/easily. What do y’all recommend? What do y’all do when you are so under-stimulated?",0 "When I was a child my Counting OCD was very bad, where I would have to close a door or set a cup down the same exact way a certain number of times, usually 8 or 24 and if I didn't or got interrupted It would cause me great stress and I would become very flustered and irritated. I'd have to start over until it was right. I know this is normal for most sufferers of OCD like this but was the frustration also accompanied by an internal itch? Where your skin would start to crawl and itch from the inside? The only thing that would make it go away would be to properly complete the sequence. This still happens for me expecially when hyperaware.",1 "My parents forced me to go to med school despite the fact that they knew I wanted to become a pastry chef. I didn’t want to have anything to do with science anymore after high school. Me being good at something doesn’t mean I enjoy it. I’m struggling to cope with all the workload and stress that comes with medschool. I have been depressed since forever. Heck, I contemplated suicide at the age of 10 just because my parents were forcing all of these extracurricular activities and tutors down my throat. I had to literally study from 8am-8pm since primary school. My depression has deteriorated overtime. I’ve tried killing myself so many times but it seems I’m no good at it and I keep surviving. My latest attempt messed me up pretty bad and I’m tired all the time now but I feel like I just want to try killing myself once more in the hopes that I succeed this time round. I’ll finally be free once that happens and maybe I’ll be happy for once. I had a friend who I trusted and confided in about everything. Last month, he raped me when I was drunk but I still have to live with him. I feel so uncomfortable every single time he comes into my room but I can’t tell him because he’ll threaten me saying he’ll go and commit suicide (this also happens every time we argue even with trivial things like him not cleaning up). I trusted him so much. I just can’t believe he did that. It seems I don’t have a lot of luck with friends. My other ex-friend lied and blamed me for them being depressed and suicidal despite the fact that he knew full well that I’ve had numerous attempts. My other friends don’t care and don’t want to even listen to what I’m going through. One of them started ghosting me after I couldn’t bare to talk to the friend who lied about committing suicide. I guess it’s my fault that our friendship group is non-existent now. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I’m so stressed that I’ve gone back to cutting myself again - at least it helps calm me down. I can’t talk to anyone. If I were to tell someone and my uni finds out, they’ll suspend me from medschool until I’ve been cleared by a psychiatrist (this happened to me before during highschool). My parents will then be informed and I’ll have to go through them telling me how much of a failure I am and how my depression is a waste of their time again. There’s absolutely no escape for me unless I die. I just can’t bare to live anymore. If only I had a talent in killing myself life would’ve been a lot better. It would have been better if I didn’t exist. Why the hell did my parents decide to fuck and have a second child. The least they could have done is either get a vasectomy or be decent parents.",2 "I have been dating my suspected Aspie for almost two years. The first year we were almost an hour apart and saw each other once or twice a week. I always initiated texts but he always promptly responded. I moved to his city so we could advance our relationship. I stay at his house more than my own. Most of the time we get along super well. He’s very regimented, does not like to go with me on walks w my dogs or sporting events I like and I’ve accepted that. He is not very affectionate and I’ve accepted that too. My love language is words of affirmation and nope, he doesn’t do a lot of that either. What we have shared is conversation each day (in person). We talk about our day and what’s going on with us pretty extensively. We have similar sense of humor and watch shows and sports together. He’s very intelligent which I love. Our chemistry is really good even tho he doesn’t like to kiss that much. We do love another. I feel he does. We have been talking about “one day we will get married,” and he’s never seemed afraid of it until the other day. Out of no where, he’s said he will never get married again—not to me or anyone. I was so hurt and he seemed annoyed. He’s always good to me and has never tried to put distance between us before. He said he didn’t want to break up but we agreed to take some time apart. I felt like he is contemplating a breakup even thoI feel like he loves me. It’s fair to say I have always done the most to keep our relationship going. I do think he needs to see what life will be like without me. The first day I just cried. The second day I reminded him I love him over text and he reciprocated. Today I haven’t texted him and he hasn’t texted me either. I’ve told him a bunch of times how much that means to me if he sends me any type of text so I’ll know he’s thinking of me but he still never initiates that when we are apart. It’s just Day 3 apart but it’s the weekend and I miss him terribly but I want him to miss me too. I do not want to text him even tho it is so hard not to hear from him. Any advice?",3 "My predator. When I'm walking down the street. When I'm at work. Basically whenever I see any tall older white man with a long coat and/or a green shoulder bag, I see his face. And it scares the shit out of me. One time I was talking to a coworker (tall older white man) and for a second, I literally saw my predator's face mid-conversation. When will this end? I can't go a day without seeing him. I got sent home early from work because I thought I saw him and my hands wouldn't stop shaking and I ended up dropping and breaking things (i work at a restaurant). This is killing me. I need this to end.",3 "I have an appointment scheduled for a call. I want to start the process of ERP, my OCD has been really bothering me ever since it started getting dark in the northern hemisphere and I feel like ive been ruminating wayyy more than I usually do when I’m doing well. I used to be all harm OCD but over the past year it has switched to meta-OCD, existential OCD, worries that I have schizophrenia. I get paranoid intrusive thoughts that I know aren’t real and are just thoughts but they scare me. Anyways, my partner and I have also been talking about having a kid in the next 5ish years and I want to be at my best to be a parent. Anyways how helpful have the NOCD therapists been? Is their ERP program legit?",1 "I'm curious to hear perspectives on learning to enjoy yourself again surviving trauma. My life's a lot better now, but I think the past has left a mark on me in terms of finding it difficult to just have casual fun? It just doesn't come naturally anymore, survival does. Any tips?",3 "Hi everyone, I’ve been struggling with ocd and anxiety for many years and I’ve been taking Zoloft since 21 years old . I am now 27 and I just got abilify 2mg prescribed because Zoloft alone doesn’t seem to work anymore. I was wondering if some of you are taking theses two together or got abilify added just like me. What were the side effect. I am scared to gain weight with abilify. Did anyone been gaining weight with 2mg ? Thanks :)",1 "Oddly enough, as I've gotten older, I've noticed that people seem to embrace my quirks and come to appreciate me for those things. Everywhere I go, I always develop a reputation as the goofy and approachable girl. I'm often told some variation of ""you've got a unique personality that makes people want to be near you"" which is entirely counter to what I expected my social and work life to be when I started to understand my diagnosis. For what this is worth, I am also young and conventionally attractive, and have taught myself the art of makeup and fashion. People are usually surprised if/when I finally drop my diagnosis on them (as I am not open about it. People have too many preconceived notions.) But will also say that ""everything makes sense now"" after they process it. It just isn't their initial thought. Hashtag masking For example, I am training for a new job as a cards dealer at a casino, and honestly, I'm *loving* it. When you leave the table and someone comes up to take your place, you follow a procedure called ""tapping out"", and the supervisor leading the session said to develop your own personal goodbye to your patrons when you leave, that embodies your personality. Without thinking, I clapped my hands loudly above my head one time (clapping is required to prove you aren't stealing chips) bent my knees, and did an over-the-top farewell wave while shouting ""byyeeeeee"" in a silly faux-preppy voice (think bye Felicia) and the supervisor just lost it laughing, as did other members of the group, and he said ""That was very unique, I've never seen that one. I like it."" It was all very ridiculous. And I've just been thinking about this whole concept every since and wondered about others' experiences with this sort of thing.",3 "Like man I'm just trying to open my files, if you don't do it quickly something else will grab my attention and I'll be gone for 30 minutes AT LEAST. Now imagine this happening with every single thing I cant get anything done I'm going crazy not seeking for help but I want to see if someone else struggles with this lol",0 "I have been struggling really hard the last week or so with my PTSD.... Can't sleep well, always having dreams with nightmarish scenarios and feelings of sadness and emptiness. I am struggling with letting people ""in""... Lately seems like my good intentions and good will are just not enough for anyone to want to stay. The sadness and emptiness seems to be getting worse every time someone just walks out... I've tried filling the void by helping people and reaching out to those that seem like need a helping hand or a kind word, but I feel like my PTSD is taking over. If you made it this far, thank you for reading... Id you have any advice that would be great too.",3 "The fast answer is no, but I gotta ask if anyone experience the same way the sensation. When I'm depress and anxious , if I let it be in less than half hour , my head starts to hurt, the thoughts, the recording of every situation , bumps to fast, then the state of being half aware and the other in total pain,my head hurts, but all my body, my throat everything, feels like dying painfully, I try so many times to inflict wounds so all the noise and the pain would stop, sometimes it did... Did you experience this the same way?",2 "My symptoms are pretty bad regardless. Some days I’ll be absolutely MANIC. Off the walls, doing chemistry at 3am, etc. Other days I’m what I’ve had even my own mum (via phone, different countries) tell me I’m robotic. And that’s all the days I’m NOT on my period. So you can imagine what it’s like during my time of month. The long and short of what happened was I was torn away from my life and locked in basement cell for 8+ days (then as a kid I was sexually abused and poisoned by my father - not the same person, different people abused). And what with lockdown due to COVID, it’s a bit of a nightmare. I try prepping each month but I can’t do anything to ward off the symptoms that go all the way to 20/10. It’s only been 3 years since the basement, but I’m still not doing great. Trying my best, don’t get me wrong. I just need to start learning how to be prepared when it comes to this stuff; when my hormones are flying off the walls and all I want to do is cry and sleep and start fights with people in pubs. Just so I can get wrecked. Takes your mind off all the trauma, though! I’m doing my best to recover and get better. Some of my coping mechanisms just aren’t the greatest lol Anyways, this seems all over the place. How do any of you out there deal with your periods and your trauma? Cause it’s a BIG thing for me... Cheers!",3 "Hey Guys - As of late, my OCD has been like ""There's no escape doing ERP"" You have to do the compulsion in order to finally feel better and feel certainty - if not, you'll live the rest of your life in fear and you'll never feel satisfied."" I know this is all BS (my therapist says OCD is the world's greatest BSer) and I don't plan to do the compulsion (I haven't done this specific compulsion in like 16 months and I really don't want to break my streak), but that doesn't make it suck any less - and OCD is one silver-tongued SOB. Any advice on how to deal with this? Thank you!",1 "I can't go on with this feeling in my chest any longer . I can't keep living like this , I can't keep drawing from my already empty energy reserves. What is the point? Honestly ?",2 "Do any of you know the process in the UK of how you get diagnosed as a teen? Is it any different to the autism test for children? I have these questions because I was diagnosed at 15 however I strongly think it’s a misdiagnosis and I want to know if my experience was normal or not? I remember doing a test where I was asked to say what was happening in a picture book and teaching someone how to brush their teeth. My therapist didn’t have any background history from me either e.g childhood developmental stages etc Isn’t this test quite childish and problematic? What teen would enthusiastically and emotionally react in any way when reading a picture book? I just answered ironically and was sat there thinking the whole time, this is stupid. I also didn’t have a parent or guardian at the time that knew me longer than 2 months, so they collected ‘background’ information from someone who was basically a stranger. There wasn’t any other disorders I was checked for, no differential diagnosis. I find this heavily problematic because there are multiple disorders which can be mistaken for autism because of the overlap in symptoms, some being almost identical, for example, Social Anxiety and Schizoid Personality Disorder and other Group A personality disorders in development. The only thing telling them apart is the classic ‘neurodevelopmental condition’ vs ‘mental health condition’. How can one tell these apart without early childhood or family history? And without generally getting to know the person first and assessing for multiple things? My therapist seemed to do things backwards and only started getting to ‘know’ me after the diagnosis. It was like she was trying to convince me i had asd Have any of you tried to raise the possibility of a misdiagnosis of asd? If so how did it go? I’m worried people won’t take me seriously.",3 Just wondering because everyone should say something different.,3 "I was diagnosed with PTSD last year. It used to be really bad, but I've found with time the symptoms have slowly dissipated. One symptom that I thought I never experienced often was nightmares. I suffer from insomnia, and I HAVE had nightmares about my abuser before, but they often involve running into him in public, not the actual attack. However, the other night my roommate told me something strange. I've been sleeping on the couch, and she told me that she got up to go to the bathroom and that I was thrashing violently and crying out in my sleep. I don't remember having any sort of nightmare that night, but I also don't often remember my dreams. I also haven't slept with anyone (literally, slept in the same bed lol) in a while, so I guess no one has really observed me sleeping. Is it possible I could be having nightmares and not realizing it?",3 "I’m pry gonna kms soon, but I don’t wanna die. I wanna be happy but my family makes me feel worthless and when I finally kms, I hope their happy with what they did by ignoring me all the time or making fun of me and putting me down. They will say shit like ‘suicidal bitch’ or ‘fat bitch kys’. I jus need someone to talk to before it’s too late",2 "For the past 6 years or so I've had a phrase (almost like a mantra?) that plays over and over in my head. It's often my first thought in the morning, my last thought at night and it creeps into my mind during every moment of downtime. The phrase is ""I was 15"" and it automatically sends me back to that traumatic incident.. I'm just wondering if anyone else experiences constant repetition of a word or phrase that is associated with their trauma ?",3 "I find it hard to read on my own without my mind just getting distracted by the actual reading aspect of it… Download a Text to Speech App which reads the text as you read alongside. I slowed down the talking speech so I could absorb the information in my own time and it’s helped a lot, especially when reading long PDF documents. I use this app: https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/text-to-speech/id712104788",0 "My boyfriend who I loved the most and was my best friend cheated on me. My grandmother passed away. My cat, who was my support system and my best fur baby passed away very painfully. I haven’t attend university for more than 3 months so will most likely fail. All this in just a few months. I just want this all to end. I just want it to stop. I just can’t take it anymore. I just want to leave. When my cat got sick they said euthanise him as he’s in a lot of pain. Why can’t I get that understanding? Why can’t people say “oh, she was in a lot of pain. She tried but it was easier to let her go” . Why can’t people accept that I’ve waited since I was 7/8 for this to “get better” but nothing has changed. Nothing has worked. I’m so sick and tired.",2 "I do what everyone says to motivate yourself to get up in the morning: plan your day the night before, sleep early, set an alarm. But when the alarm goes off, I just hit snooze, get some shut eye, then the snooze goes off, repeat until I get annoyed and just shut off the alarm and go to sleep again. Then I wake up after lunch and the day just carries on slowly. I don't even bother waking up early to waste energy doing my stupid tasks because I know I have no aspirations in life so whatever struggle I'm going through now, I know it's just for nothing, so I just don't care. But I still have to do stuff because deadlines n shit. I don't know what to do or how to get over this. I'm now going to make some late night ramen because why the fuck not now huh",2 "Seriously I just wish I've never been born. Or at least I wish I was born in a better country or a richer family. This fucking trashy country is a horrible place to be in, I hate living here. I hate the culture, the people, the government, our educational system. 3rd old countries suck. I can't even move out from here because I'm poor and plane tickets are expensive as hell and our money does not have any value. It's not that I want to end my life, I'm too coward besides the fact that I still have my mother that would be really sad if I did this. I just want to not exist, you know? Still, I just hope there's something after death, like somewhere better or even the opportunity to have a better and more fulfilling life here on earth the next time. I know I'm smart enough to build a ""prosperous"" life if I just put some effort and work hard. But why should I dedicate myself for something or what's the point of that if I don't even have purpose, self-understanding and stuff? It's like this country or this system have just smashed into pieces every hope I've once had in my life for a happy life.",2 "EDIT: THIS IS THE LONGER VERSION AND DETAILED VERSION OF THE STORY. PLEASE SCROLL DOWN TO THE BOTTOM FOR A BLATANT VERSION. I come from a terrible background. I’m currently 15 (nearly 16), and a female. My family was never great, and we always fought all the time for the stupidest things. Around May of 2017 my mother moved out of the house, and I was staying with my step dad. All seemed well. Up until the beginning of my freshman year (2018), everything started acting strange between my step dad and I. It just felt like something changed. I wasn’t sure of what, however. The beginning of April 2019 rolls around and my boyfriend at the time (now ex) would come over frequently. My step dad was always okay with it and never had a problem with it. As teenagers we would of course do experimenting with what we like. At least 2 times in the dark, I would catch a figure in my window. I always ran to my stepdad, fairly confused on what’s going on. My boyfriend and I would have just assumed that it was a creep and was most likely a neighbor of mine, or something like that along the lines. The end of May 2019 comes around. My boyfriend had said that my step dad was weird. We went up to the roof, and he had explained to me that the guy in the window we kept seeing was my step dad. I then told my boyfriend to come over and we’d search through his computer, mainly through the family files to see if what my step dad had told him was true. The next morning during the car ride to school, my step dad noticed how weirded out I seemed to be, but I didnt bother telling him, “maybe it’s because you’re the creep in my window,” and causing a whole scenario, when I didn’t have the evidence to back it up. The day goes by and my boyfriend comes over. I load up the computer, and surely enough, the files are there. I called my mother and the right authorities. I had moved out of the house that night, before my step-dad got home, and he was placed under a holding cell to the nearest jail. I ended up living with my boyfriends family for a week and half (ish). I was still in school when all of this happened and I was in need of finishing the school year. The last section of the year was a part called “discovery project,” that you would do a research project at the end of the year, based off the class you got put in. You were only allowed to miss 8 hours of that class day, otherwise you’re considered a failed student. My boyfriend could drive, so one day he was taking me back to his place, and had an absence seizure, or a multi-stage blackout (I’m unaware of which is considered the right diagnosis), behind the wheel. We had rolled down a 15 ft drop, and I ended up with a concussion, so I wasn’t able to go to school, and I panicked immediately because that meant I was going to fail freshman year. We ended up sorting everything out with the faculty, and I’m now a sophomore. I had moved in with my aunt because the social worker had thought it was too dangerous to be living with my boyfriends family after the car accident. All went well until my step dad was released from his cell. They had said they placed him on a GPS tracking device. I was no longer able to leave the house without an escort or an under cover cop near me at all times. My mother lived in Kansas, and so she was on her way back down to where I had originally lived, to come there and take me to Kansas to live with her. I had transferred to Kansas, and now I live with my mother. Every single day I get flashbacks to the car accident, or my stepdad. I don’t know what to do. It gives me panic attacks and makes me pass out. I hyperventilate and start screaming in class randomly, because it all just fills my mind. I start losing myself. I have a therapist, and have therapists at the school that come rushing in if I start having an episode. I just don’t really have any other coping mechanisms besides telling myself, “you’re going to be okay,” and trying to do the 5 steps of grounding yourself. Is there any one who can come up with ideas on coping? EDIT: I’m so sorry— that wasn’t meant to be super long. Here’s a basic run down for people who doing want to read— I got sexually exploited by my step dad, got into a car accident, and can’t seem to stop having panic attacks.",3 So I have suicidal intrusive thoughts basically suicidal ocd but I'm ot diagnosed yet so I have these thoughts of suicide that I can't control but like the last 2 weeks good then the last 2 days have been horrific the intensity has gone down but I can't get them gone uts really hard I think I just have to get through today cause I know it'll go it's just hard on the days where I ruminate and I'm stuck,1 "I'm in my early 30s, I have depression, anxiety and PTSD. I am also autistic. It was about eight years ago that I hit absolute rock bottom and started going to therapy and taking medication. In the years since I've seen people I know fall into a depression and then bounce back. Somehow that *never* seems to happen to me. Sure, there have been times where I've felt better, even good. But it never lasts. I've been an on-and-off college student for most of these years but I never get anywhere because I get overwhelmed so easily and everything just crumbles under the weight of my uselessness. I know people who probably have it a lot worse than I do who have still managed to actually accomplish something but somehow that never happens with me. I feel like I'm a disappointment not just to myself but to everyone. And I'm starting to think that my inability to get over my depression and anxiety is simply because I'm just not good enough a person. I hate this so fucking much.",2 "5+ years ago now. Wow. I can't believe it was that long ago. Anyway something happened. I ended up disoriented and lost on the streets of London with only my coat and my shoes. I could barely work out how to use my phone or walk. Someone had had sex with me. I barely remembered it but I knew that and I knew it was a coworker. I remember I had called my partner in tears saying I had cheated on them. They helped me escape the flat. But this is it. I remember drinking at one pub. I remember continuing drinking with this guy. I remember flashes of places and snippets of seconds in time. But nothing else. My mind is still just blank spots, empty time in space. My family called the police and guided them to me. I was found my coat and shoes taken, put in that grey sweat clothing. I was held and grilled. I was questioned for hours. I had multiple sets of tests done. I told them what I remembered and what I didn't. They were so excited. They had a case and they thought it was finally one they could win. But no. Months later, testimony recorded, months of torture and contact with the police. Lawyers. Being reminded constantly of what happened. They couldn't find enough drugs or alcohol in my system. Nothing to explain what happened. Then they bought the guy in for questioning. And the case was dropped. The case was dropped because he said he thought I wanted it. And the worst thing? I will never know. I have no idea. I have a CPTSD and a history of physical, emotional and sexual abuse. What if I just dissociated. What if it wasn't drugs or anything else. It was my damn brain fucking me over again. I know I was conditioned to say I wanted it. Maybe that's what I said. Maybe he did think I wanted it. Though I have some very specific memories that say to me he should have known something was very wrong but didn't stop. I don't know. I will never know. I really struggle to cope with that.",3 "I have a dish washer but it just feels so much better when I hand wash them. It's a pretty simple accomplishment I know, but it's something I can do that keeps me stimulated and calm. I especially like doing it with my ear buds in so I can have a vid or audio book running. I'm certain this has probably been said here before but I'm only now realizing it for myself so I figured I'd share!",0 "I (22F) struggle with remembering to do chores, or even noticing that they are needing to be done. It’s not like I don’t want to do them, I just simply don’t even notice the house is a mess. I forget to change the laundry, clean the dishes, etc. unless it’s right in front of me and frankly my partner is getting tired of dealing with it. I’m genuinely at a loss for ways to remind myself or motivate myself to clean. At this rate, I’m willing to try anything. So what’s an easy way to remember to get everyday things done like household chores?",0 " hi everyone im new to the group. i had just been dicoverig my autism and found An autistic specialist who spent his sessions with me completely devalidating anything everything I was saying threatening me making fun of me calling me names. he didn't actually seem to know anything about autism \[everyone is a bit autistic, your bi polar, manic, need a phychairtist, are gullible, are fixating on your autism, autistic communities are very unhealthy they make people more autistic, society molds us we must conform, you can either have on your gravestone you flapped your hands or you lived a happy and fufiling life, i know someone who has been locked up for three years after discovering autism (hopefully untrue as in the UK its very hard to sectoin an autistic adult), your addicted to computers, stop stimming, you make good eye contact, who said your autistic you are only you, youve are ""amazing"" you mustnt become more autisitc, theres no such thing as an autistic identity its just in autistic peoples heads, they are crazy, i specialise in nuerodevelopmental disorders, you must intergrate, your so gullibe if i told you to jump of a roof you would do it, go jump off a roof ha!. \] mostly focused on teaching me to mask. Ive fortunately got enough to getting kicked out from the register which I shall probably do but it doesn't change the fact that ive had a utterly horrific experience and hes caused me a lot of pain and suffering. any support is greatly appreciated.",3 "I have been dating this girl for about 30 days, and I really care about her, she’s a really good person, but her family life isn’t great. Her dad is an alcoholic, and I don’t know everything that goes on between them, but I know she hates him. She once told me, “hate is a strong word, but I hate my dad”. And tonight she ran away from her dads house,(and moved in with her grandma), and she’s not in a good place. I really really care for her, but for one, I don’t know her that well yet, and we haven’t got to the point where we tell each other everything. And the other thing is, I’ve gone through hard things, sure, but I’ve never been through anything like what she’s been going through, how can I help her, if I don’t know what it’s like? Please help me, I really want to be able to comfort her and make sure she doesn’t feel alone.",2 "Please can someone let me know that it’s going to be okay, and everything is going to work out because I’m feeling very alone and anxious. Sometimes all I want is for someone to hold me and let me know that I’m going to be okay, and I’ll get through it. I wish someone had of been there to do this for me as a child. I’m forever longing to be taken care of because I’ve had to be strong for so long. I just want to break down and have someone look after me. Going through some major mummy and daddy issues lol",2 "I feel more rigid than a caveman with a phone placed in current times. Sure, I can accept, try many things, but I'm like waiting for emotions/mood to just switch solely because of that. After a while it's again: ""No! I'm not like that, wtf am I doing?"" and get back to conservative routine and limited thinking - that stiffness gets revenge even strongly and I'm even more stubborn after trying to think outside the box or changing things up. Any hope or I just need to keep forcing and forcing myself repeatedly?",3 "So I have been starting Ritalin for 2 weeks and increasing my dose. I decided today to take 20mg in the morning and then 10mg after lunch. 20mg usually loses its effect after 4~5hours so afterwards I take 10mg to do some studying for a few hours. But today I forgot to eat breakfast and only had soup for lunch (13:30 second dose). But now at 15:30 I felt weird in my head and was feeling nauseous in the car. I was getting worried. I got off and feeling a bit better. Could this a side effect of not eating enough? (I talked to my psychiatrist yesterday and allowed me to try 20+10mg)",0 "I've always struggled to describe this to people but when certain songs play I have to leave the room or I am overcome with this feeling that I struggle to describe. My skin crawls, I feel nauseous (although I don't feel like I'm going to throw up) and I become overwhelmed with a feeling of dread/panic/something that I can't quite describe. Is this an aspie thing? Can anyone shed any light on it?",3 I'm tired of being trapped in my life. Trapped by sleepless nights. Trapped by expectations. Trapped by others needs and wants that I am obligated to fulfill. My life has never been mine it has always been to please someone else. I'm so worthless my own life has no meaning or value to me. I want a way out of this trap.,2 I've had extreme depression and high functioning anxiety for a little over 2 years now. After graduating college and not finding a job I am finding it hard to have a purpose. Some days I feel like running away from everyone and all my responsibilities. It's exhausting pretending to be okay all the time. I don't know how to be happy without medication and I feel guilty relying on pills to stay mentally stable.,2 "At this point, I don't care about the plague because going nuts is the greater threat.",3 "My (20M) friend (19F) and I do sometimes talk about the fact that she has darker days. However, she does not want to go in-depth about them with me because she fears that, a generally happy person, will be bothered and saddened by it to a degree that I do not want to hang out with her anymore. I know her ex-boyfriend broke up with her because he could not deal with her depressive side (according to her) so I think that plays a role. I really, really care about her and I think she is amazing and one of the most authentic people I know. What I fear is this: if she won't let anyone in out of fear of losing them, wouldn't that end up making her very lonely with no one to help her? We've agreed that it is a good idea for her to see a therapist, which she fortunately plans on doing. She's one of the most amazing and authentic people I know and I really, really care about her. Just a few days ago there was a post ([https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/qzhiz5/ive\_come\_to\_realize\_you\_can\_only\_keep\_your/](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/qzhiz5/ive_come_to_realize_you_can_only_keep_your/)) on here expressing frustration on how much it sucks that ""you can only keep your depression for yourself"". Reading this only wanted to help her more ... Any advice on how I should approach this?",2 "I used to like her, pretty sure she used to like me, I fumbled and pussied out when she was all over me, and since then we’ve just been friends but I’ve liked her. We used to talk everyday then a few times a week than once a week then to j whenever I was even more depressed than usual. Last week I told her abt my cutting habits and that everything was getting worse and I probably shouldn’t even be talking to her bc I quit weed when we liked each other or I think we did so I thought I could rely on her for happiness and about a month ago I knew I couldn’t. She has always been incredibly kind and had my best interests at heart and been a really good friend I’m just really confused now and wonder if I did something yet again or if she is all the bad things I noticed but abnormally pushed to the back of my mind",2 "Well yay for me, I don't hyperfocus on video games and Netflix. My mental drugs tend to be things like work projects, deep cleaning my house, and devising new agenda planning strategies. Sure, being hyperproductive helped my through university, and my phd, and about half a postdoctoral project... before I crashed into a burnout so severe it took several years of recovery and multiple medications to become a somewhat normal person again. Did I learn from this to be less of a perfectionist, to take rest at appropriate times and to just CHILL THE F\*CK OUT? Absolutely not. Hell, I just researched 67 smart household hacks involving aluminium foil and as a result made a router WiFi reflector screen that looks like I bought it in an expensive electronics store. Did I ever have problems with weak WiFi? Nope, I did not. If you have ADHD and you wish you could just do whatever everyone around you wants you to do - to be always on time, always on schedule, effective, productive, obsessively perfectionist about the heaps of work you deliver - let me tell you: IT AIN'T WORTH IT. Nothing is worth forgetting to eat and sleep for. Nothing is worth messing up your mental health for. Our culture venerates workaholics and careerists, but it's all just status anxiety. That's never been me. I've never cared for it much. I'm just in it for that **dopamine**, and I'm afraid I'm still willing to sacrifice my sanity and happiness for just a bit more of that sweet, sweet drug.",0 "I'm gonna speak quickly; **I'm highly unmotivated all the time.** The things I enjoy seem very far away, as if I was not able to do them anymore when I'm more than capable (I'm talking about material things mostly) to do them. Music? Years without listening to new artist or albums of my favourite bands. Art? I like to draw, paint, make up, embroidery and coloring books but I barely touch a pen now, everytime I try to express creativitly my brain shuts. Videogames? I get bored, frustrated and easily irritated when playing. Most of the time I cry when ending a match because I always loose, I consider myself bad at games but I used to do it for fun, I can't hold the controler for more than an hour now without having a mental breakdown. Movies and series? I can't watch them, I don't know why I am so closed to even turning the TV on. I really can't. New languages? Nope, I cry everytime I try to re learn italian, or japanese. Even english seems hard and I always doubt about my grammar (I speak spanish). My career? I feel totally dumb and useless, I don't know anything about it and I finished college last year exactly. I know I'm a positive, bubbly, slightly funny and energetic kind of person. It's been years since I lost motivation, almost 5 years to be precise. I like spending time with friends, family and my partner, hanging out with them always makes me feel happy, I've worked so hard on me being at peace with myself, my body, the way I am, all of that but when it comes to me being alone I barely can be happy. I can't do anything and I always feel like I lost myself.",2 "ive been going to therapy for like four months now weekly and switched therapists twice but nothings really getting better at all. i dont really feel like im gaining or learning anything from any of my therapists at all. is it even worth it at all for me to keep going? i dont really know anymore, read my other posts if you want to know wtf is wrong with me",2 " I saw a man and he maybe looked liked as if he vanished. He probably did not but since I cant confirm 100% that he did not vanish, I worry that there are small'chances that he vanished because of a glitch in the simulation system if we are living in one. I worry because I took pictures of the scene in order to show them to 2 friends of mine and discuss about it. What if I angered the Gods of the simulation just because I tried to uncover wether there was a glitch in the system?",1 "So I was diagnosed and started meds about 2 months ago, they worked really great for about 2 weeks then I noticed I was falling back into how I was before starting (I thought it was just outside factors pulling me down but it's a combination of both I see now). It got pretty bad again so I called my doctor and I'm on a higher dose, just started yesterday. I feel better again of course but I'm worried that once my body gets used to this dose the same thing will happen again. So I'm asking if anyone has suggestions on what I can do if I fall into a funk again. When I'm like that, I lose all motivation for basically everything and I feel like anything I do is useless and I just sit and stew in the bad thoughts/feelings. I need strategies from other people with adhd that I can use to keep myself going when I feel bad and to hopefully be able to pull myself out of it when it happens again",0 Does anyone else have problems getting from place a to place b without using google maps or other apps? In my case i can walk or drive through the same path 50 times and still won't remember how to get there lol unless it's like 1 mile from my house.,3 "I was diagnosed with ADD or inattentive type this summer, 28 female - and I think I’m still coming to terms about it. So many memories and struggles that finally make sense, but also - where does this start and my personality end? I have been on concerta 18 mg iirc for a few months, I thiiiink it helps but it’s hard to tell. I freelance and I have a new kitten so it’s hard to tell if I’m unproductive because my work is unpredictable and maybe I’m distracted because I’m obsessed with my baby cat. I’ve been thinking about increasing my meds for a few months but worry about appetite and side effects, doing fine on my current dose though.",0 "It's absurdly easy to make friends online, for me. But in person? In real life?? Yeah right. I do have some IRL friends but man it's not as easy as my online friends. I don't quite know why either. Anyone else have this?",3 "I'll preface by saying that yes, I could probably look this up and as a result hopefully this isn't too superfluous. But anyways, I was jumped 3 years ago for my phone and wallet. I got swarmed and bashed in the face until my cheek split open-- I ended up walking home because I lost my bus fare as well and was basically in a state of shock. Since that period (may 2017), I've noticed that I've been a lot more quick to anger than I was before. I've always had issues with anger, but prior to being jumped it usually manifested as a ""slow burn"" that'd take time to build up. Post-jumping, it's usually come across a lot more suddenly and manifested itself violently-- kicking garbage cans, hitting things, punching the punching bag to the point of having raw knuckles, etc. This anger has also manifested itself in terms of blowing up on acquaintances/friends for little to no reason, and I have ruined a number of relationships-- platonic and romantic-- because of it. The issue of being reckless with my personal safety hasn't been as much of a problem these days, but for perhaps a year after the fact of being jumped, I would do things like actively intervene to break up fights outside of bars/clubs, walk around in the early morning while being drunk/high, bike around stupidly drunk, etc. The anger issue is a perpetual one. As I've said, the reckless behaviour isn't as much, although it comes and goes and sometimes occurs contemporarily if something's upset me or pissed me off. Are these behavioural traits/symptoms consistent with any form/manifestation of PTSD?",3 "Okay, so I have a new job away from the jail where I’m working part-time. I’ve been there four months but I’ve been having panic attacks here and there and have been needing to call in; I’ve called in about three times prior to today. So, I saw a bunch of prison guards come into this place where I work, including my former lieutenant. I broke down, had a panic attack, and left for the day; this is my fourth absence. I don’t know, I feel like no one really anywhere really understands what I’m going through. I have these flashbacks to being at the jail that are incredibly vivid—of the worst things I’ve ever seen: attempted suicides, attempted murders, my brother being beat up, addicts, etc. I’m worried I will lose my job because of my PTSD and my panic attacks.",3 "I don’t know what to do anymore. I cannot stop checking to make sure everything is in order. I cannot stop my rituals. Going to get some water, or to the bathroom is too mentally exhausting because it takes forever to get out of the bathroom and into my room... so I contracted kidney disease last year because of my lack of hydration. I am completely behind in life. I have to move out soon and I am absolutely terrified. I have all these plans for the day to get things done but I end up obsessing over them and not doing them. I am so impossibly exhausted at the end of every day, and have almost nothing to show for it. I am tired of feeling unproductive and unworthy of this life. I feel alien. How can anyone go through life normally? There is so much to worry about, so much to do. Therapists haven’t helped, I’ve seen a couple since I was eleven, nine and a half years have passed and still nothing. How do I implement coping mechanisms or ways to get past my incessant rituals and checking if I reduce to tears at the thought of having to resist one of these urges? I have always been afraid to even go through this sub because it might trigger my OCD... everything does... I am a prisoner of my own mind and I desperately want out.",1 "It's funny because there is a stereotypical cliche about male writers writing about females and their clothes; but, I have lost like 15kg and I feel the way my shirt falls onto my chest constantly. I don't mind the feeling, I guess it'll go away with time? It's weird how losing weight makes me feel both more masculine and more feminine.",3 "Meaning of life? Who knows. It baffles me how the human body is made up of so many intricate structures and they all come together to create something that seems impossible. I don’t believe any amount of science will be able to allow us to comprehend how we can feel love and suffering so deeply. The beginning of life on this planet was magic in itself. Somehow the first organisms had the innate desire to survive. Where did this come from? There has been no rule book for life and yet we have created rules for ourselves. I used to firmly believe that death is a fact of life, but with the progress of science even this is becoming unclear. Life is magical. Maybe not in the sense of unicorns and wizards. However the world, universe and basically existence as a whole is truly amazing. Somehow everything has come together to allow us to live and thrive on this floating rock. We can create the most amazing art, when once nothing existed. Life is absolutely mad when you truly think of things. Just a ramble. I’ve been thinking a lot about life and how we somehow exist and it is truly baffling.",1 Hi (20f here)! I start therapy for my anxiety/ptsd next week and am wondering if anyone had any tips to establishing a good relationship to a therapist. My last therapist didn’t know the difference between a hurricane and a tornado and I found she was difficult to talk to. My new therapist is an older man and seems to have a good academic/collegiate background. Thanks in advance!,3 "(People outside the US may not get the context) So, I took the SAT and got 750 on maths and 430 on reading&writing. I like math so I just like studying it but as soon as I start reading a passage by brain goes on a fucking roadtrip. What do I do? I did everything (close my door, turn my phone off, no other distractions, no other works. Only thing I could do was read) but it just won’t work.",0 I hate myself so much I want to die and no one cares,2 "**TLDR: Please, please, please, if you have any sort of mental health/neurological/physical incapacity and you are in college speak with your campus ADA coordinator. They are there for a reason and they can literally make life so much better for you. You are not stupid, you are not deficient, your brain/body just works differently and it's nothing to be ashamed of or feel embarrassed about.** ***Now for the long story.*** I'm 41, diagnosed with ADHD-I when I was 39. I'm currently in my first semester of law school and I just took my first mid-term and it was a TOTAL crap-show. Like ""screaming obscenities in my car on the way home"" kind of crap storm. Part of this has to do with the fact that part of retina detached and I had to have a Pneumatic Retinoplexy to get it fixed. The side effect of the procedure is I now have a gas bubble in my right eye that is essentially holding my retina in place while the laser scarring heals to keep my retina intact. It's not too bad for going to class and everything because when I'm looking straight ahead the ""bubble"" is in the lower part of my vision and I can see around it but when I'm looking straight down, the bubble is right in my field of vision and it's like I'm looking through a fishbowl. I should have gotten my accommodations for ADHD at the beginning of the semester but alas I missed the deadline and thought ""Oh well, it's just one semester"" and just trudged on with my courses. I mean I had survived 39 years without accommodations, I could muscle through one semester. Our school uses ExamSoft and so I downloaded the software and took the tutorial and it looked pretty much like it was for the LSAT so I thought, no big deal because I won't have to look down to read the test so the vision thing should be fine. WRONG. The exam answers were recorded in ExamSoft but the test was a paper test that I had to read by looking down. I couldn't raise my paper up because of the Honor Code and that it could be construed as cheating. It took me sooo much longer to read and I didn't finish the test. Not even by a long shot. Thankfully the mid-term is only 20% of my grade and the professor offers extra credit so I should be able to recover. I finally broke down and had an appointment with the ADA coordinator who was a lovely woman. I thought they might give me some sort of accommodations for my eye since that really was beyond my control since it happened last month (which was past the deadline to apply for accommodations). Well not only are they going to give me accommodations for my eye but they are going to give me accommodations for my ADHD and my anxiety. I am OVER THE FREAKING MOON! They were so nice and so gracious. I had sent them every scrap of information I had for the ADHD and for the detached retina and I think they were surprised that I had all the information because normally that is not the case. I was so worried they were going to say ""There's nothing wrong with you, you're just trying to cheat the system!"" but no, they were great and even suggested things that I could get that I didn't even know were an option. I'm so damn grateful. First of all I never thought I would be able to go to law school and to be given just a little boost up to just level the playing field so to speak is just amazing.",0 "I've tried offering an explanation but, it was turning into a short novel. I will be talking about sexual assault and sucidual thoughts and don't want to trigger anyone's PTSD. I can't always read about someone's sexual assault or sucidual thoughts (won't watch 13 reasons because of that honestly), so I completely understand. But I do want someone to actually read this; so I'll try to keep it simple but it'll be vague. If there's any questions, please ask. I wanna understand me too. I want to forget honestly. That thoughts been bouncing around just as strongly as the ""just fuck it all"" concerning life in general, aka killing myself. Those thoughts and the images are honestly wearing me down. This is one of my coping mechanisms. I'm trying to keep them from becoming overwhelming. And I wanted to share these thoughts with ""him"", we'll call him R because in all honesty he's the cause of a lot of this, most of this as much as I hate too admit. Extremely short summary that doesn't do it justice. R and I dated in highschool and a little into college. R was emotionally and became physically abusive. Near the end, after I had ended the relationship but not my love for him I just couldn't continue to be abused, he raped me. I tried to fight but I didn't want to hurt him. I hate myself for that. He was raping me and I didn't want to hurt him. I wish I could've. Maybe I'd feel more at peace. And, he stopped then. He stopped when I stopped fighting. And I stayed. Not with him, I was dating someone else. They took advantage that I was in a bad place but they weren't ever rude. Just, was too soon to date again and he should've waited but I was afraid he'd leave and I needed someone kind. I told them about R raping me and he was upset. I didn't want to call police. I just, couldn't. I knew I wouldn't be strong enough because even then I didn't want to destroy his life. I still loved him. I was gonna stay forever with him. But. I had to respect myself a bit. And I tried by leaving but I couldn't leave the lease. He was in the living room and I had the bedroom type deal. I told him it wouldn't happen again but my gut screamed otherwise. I just didn't want to admit I failed. I felt I failed. But again, that's a story and I'm already rambling enough. Well, it happened again. Again I tried to push him off but he wouldn't until I stopped trying anything. Then he left the room. I was in shock. I walked out of the room and I had to get to school. I didn't know what to do, I had promised to go to the police if it happened again. But I was in shock. He took a knife and put it to my throat. I wasn't scared. I wanted to die. But then he handed it to me and told me to kill him. I snapped out of it and threw the knife in the sink and went to class. Where I reached out to a classmate and they helped me go to police. The police did little. They called him. That was it and when the cop called to see if I wanted to keep pressing charges, I couldn't. I couldn't face him. And I didn't want to destroy his life. I just wanted to move on. Well, I've reached out to him over the years. I can't forget. I see his name everywhere. Anything can remind me. The way the sun feels one day. The song that came on the radio. The things he was interested in. The very town I live in. I can't forget. I've been harmed by one other man. But, I don't think of him constantly. I still struggle with his memory but it's hard to explain. With the other one, I don't remember him as much but the reaction from the military and everyone after. But R? I can't stop thinking about him. I don't want to get back together with him. I was happy when I heard he had a girlfriend, a feminist too lol. I learned a lot that explained his behaviors. Not excusing them though. But knowing it wasn't me, that was helpful. I generally wish for his happiness despite all that he did because he did change. I couldn't go through with it through the courts so I told him the only way I would forgive him is if he never did what he did to me to another. I can't say if he lived up to that until his dad was arrested. Even his dad was arrested he changed. He used to worship his dad. Now he hopes he rots in prison. And he's never hurt me again. He's been open about what he did but... That's difficult because he doesn't remember. He doesn't remember much from dating me and up until around the time his dad was arrested. He doesn't remember but accepts that he did it because I wouldn't lie. And, well that narrative hasn't changed since I was in police station. He didn't remember then either. He doesn't remember. But I can't forget. Why does he get to forget? Why can he have a kid? That's been my dream. He wasn't too interested in it but would be a dad if he fathered one. And he has a child. Granted the situation doesn't seem to be favorable. But he still has a child. He still was able to have what I've always wanted. I've always wanted to be a mom. I'm not yet and I'm 28, I wanted to be a mom before this. He also got married. Not to the mother of his child. But she's a lovely women. Very strong minded. And they hadn't really planned on getting married she told me. It just happened that way. And....I can't keep a relationship for long. This current one is the longest and he might ask. But I don't know if I'm even ready to right now. I want to but I feel so broken. If I could forget, if I could've forgotten, would I have my dreams? Would I be married? Would I have my babies? Why does he get to forget and live my dream while my mind can't escape the past? Why can't I forget?",3 "Maybe it is also because of my porn addiction but I feel like I have become emotionally numb. I can still experience emotions and it is relatively easy to feel emotions such as anger. I also occasionally laugh when I think that something is funny. However, I experience nothing intense on a daily basis. I felt like that ever since a few years. Ever since I was 14, I had to suffer from OCD, several types of it. I recently turned 19 and I feel somewhat hollow or shallow when it comes to my emotions. I don't know if that rings a bell for you, but do you know those characters in Anime whose eyes are vacant, devoid of life? I feel like I am walking on that road. I had a panic attack around 2018 or 2019 and really wanted to cry. I was in the mood for it and desperately tried to cry. But nothing came out of my eyes.",1 "I started taking ritalin for the first time Friday and tbh it wasn't very good, or at all what I was expecting, it made me more calm, less anxious, but it didn't help with productivity, I just kind of felt absent-minded and it gave me a headache and made me pretty shaky every time I've taken it since. Idk if 1 week is enough to say it doesn't work for me but im unsure. Anyone else have mundane experiences like this?",0 "No lady, I am not mad or impatient that you're having difficulty packing all that home depot shit into your car. Yes I want to park and currently can't until you finish, but I can wait, I am sitting here patiently. If I yelled at you or something, your distress would be reasonable but I literally haven't said anything. I understand your predicament and I am being patient and polite. Please do not assume to know how I am feeling, based on how you would feel in my position. You are retaliating against a provocation which never happened except in your own mind. That is absolutely bonkers, you are a crazy person. ",3 "I’m on my second straight day of complete overwhelm. Full on frozen, staring at my work computer for 7 hours straight literally getting nothing done. Does anyone have any tips or tricks that work for them to overcome this? The longer I go, the more panicky I get, the more behind I get at work. My tasks aren’t even difficult. When I start to feel like this, my adderall just makes it worse and increases my anxiety. I’ve tried to make myself stop and do something, go for a walk or something but I get stuck in that meaning that’s more time I’m not working and don’t go then it’s more of the same. I know it literally seems so obvious, just start, just do something. But I physically cannot. I just can’t.",0 "I recently saw and read my witness statement from 1am, the night that it happened. It brought back memories that I've been hiding away for years, and now I feel like a complete mess. But I have to remember as many words and details as possible. How can I remember what I'd rather forget, while staying as sane as possible? I don't want to have a breakdown in the courtroom.",3 "I want to make it clear to my family that I need help, they refuse to put me in therapy because they think it's something for crazy people, so I'm going to slit my wrists to show that I really need it but my question is: is it possible that I accidentally end up cutting a vein? I have arms with veins sticking out and I'm afraid to do something I'll end up regretting",2 "Is it true that I am more likely to be in contact with the police and more likely to go to jail or prison if I sometimes behave abnormally? I am asking this, because I have Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD and Bipolar Disorder. I am afraid if I do something bizarre, because if some of symptoms of Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD and Bipolar Disorder if I am outside on my own, the police might be called and I might go to jail or prison if there was a misunderstanding, because my social skills are not that good. I am sometimes afraid to go outside on my own, because my behaviors are sometimes bizarre.",3 "I want to have a genuine discussion here, as I'm seeing two sides of something. I have several close friends who are deeply interested in serial killers and true crime. They even have “favorite” serial killers. Now, I’m open to the idea that the psychology behind why people commit crimes could be fascinating. However, I find it disgusting when people are buying clothing with pictures of serial killers on it. It’s not edgy or quirky. It’s glorifying them. They are NOT celebrities and the only acceptable place for their faces is on the bottom of your shoe. As someone who was the victim of a violent crime-as someone who truly believed I was going to be killed by my rapist (a stranger whom I trusted to help me, who held me captive overnight) I can’t stand how people romanticize violent people like Ted Bundy, Ed Kemper, and Brian Laundrie right now. Murder, rapes, attacks, and the investigations that follow are messy, gritty, and sad. True crime treats the victims of trauma like characters in a story. Imagine if your trauma, or abuser, or rapist, was glorified. Victims are eventually reduced down to names and ages. The offender gets some sort of sick celebrity status and a movie deal on Netflix I just think it’s so unfair to the victims who are no longer living, to the family of victims, and to future victims of abuse, rape, and murder. EDIT: Wow thank you for so many interesting responses!!",3 "(15F, diagnosed with asd and adhd) I always lose my temper and start hitting things when I get nervous or mad. I also punch my friends when I get excited, of course, I didn't punch them intentionally. I know that's bad, and I have been trying to control myself stop hitting others. I don't know what should I do to stop behaving like this. Does anyone have any advice? Thanks a lot.",3 "So, I've had this career goal for myself, one I've wanted to achieve since I was a child. Long story short, I didn't end up pursuing that goal, and from a young age I led a life that was only to serve others and their expectations of me. After a very long and mentally exhausting journey I've finally been successful in my pursuit of this goal and have now been offered a job in the industry I've wanted. This year I lost one of my beloved pets, her illness and death were traumatizing to say the least. She is irreplaceable but without her I felt so empty. It has taken almost a year to get to the stage where I was able to adopt another pet, and this week I bought home an old adoptee who is just perfect. I'm dreading starting my new job. I'm not happy. I wasn't excited when I got the news the job was mine. I barely gave it a second thought and have been autopiloting the entire process since. I love my new pet, I love her so much, more than I thought I could in such a short time. I spend almost all my days with her, she is the perfect companion. I feel like I made a mistake bringing her home though. I don't know why, or how I could even feel this way. I'll never give her up and I don't feel negatively about her specifically at all. I just didn't think I would feel so empty after getting what I've wanted for so long. I don't really know where to go from here now, in theory things are starting to look up but right now I feel so stuck and alone, like I've worked so hard to get here and now I'm here I'm not happy about it. I'm not really feeling about it at all. I still just feel.. Numb? Idk. I guess I really wanted to share with someone. I know my situation isn't unique but I guess I don't have many people I can speak to about all of this. Has anyone found themselves in this situation, did anything help? Did you just one day realize everything you've done to this point hasn't been a ridiculous series of mistakes?",2 "I have been speaking to my current therapist for over a year now. Slowly I've been able to discuss the event that caused me to develop delayed-PTSD and the event that finally brought it out. As proud as I am that I can now start discussing this on certain days, I am so overwhelmed and exhausted. It has made the intrusive thoughts so frequent that I feel like he is constantly here. The ghost of freaking ptsd. I went into therapy not knowing much of anything about the process, and just trusted that it would make me better. I just need to know that this is actually part of the process and that it will eventually make things better. As a side note, I've been trying to get EMDR on the NHS since my diagnosis last year, and am still working on this.",3 "And yet nothing I can do stops me from coming back to it. I'm already 30 and done jack shit because I can't get myself to do anything that's remotely hard because my ADHD starts metaphorically screaming at me. I did spend like 8 years working for some high profile tech companies doing some high level software engineering, but my entire life went on hold and I barely slept and did nothing but work because I can't have a work/life balance, all the energy of working was 110% of my daily capacity so I just had 8 years wasted doing work for someone else and getting older/poorer because of it. I've always wanted to learn languages and do art and stuff but I can't get myself to do anything for more than like 10 minutes and never touch it again. I've started something (big, small, chunked, structured, anything really) so hundreds of times, only to realise a month later that I had started it and abandoned it like always. I'm so defeated at the moment and I have no idea how neurotypicals do it.",0 I moved away from an abusive house hold and mentally abusive friend to live with other family members. Since being here for a year I have been trying to get better. I've gotten two jobs but didn't manage to keep them and I'm in college but I'm having troubles keeping up w the work load at times. I help in the family business as well. They say i've gotten worse since i've gotten here and I know that's true but I can't stand hearing it. I feel weak and pathetic. I'm trying so hard but i'm being told that i'm not trying hard enough. I have basically only gotten out of bed to do homework and help family out. They're saying they're just trying to help me but i feel worse a lot. I try to communicate how they make me feel calmly and as nicely as possible and then they just say ok just go ahead and rot in your room. I'm too scared to go outside. I'm 19 and I feel like i reverted back to a helpless child.,3 "I have a severely low self esteem due to my appearance and I eventually chose to seek therapy. The therapist tried helping me through some CBT exercises trying to change my perspective, to think of myself in different light. It seemed logical. Lasted well for a day or two but then I was back in the real world where people evaluate you on the basis of trivial stuff as your appearance and I was back to square one cz my mind kept telling me what use is that therapy if the world I deal with is gonna evaluate on the same basis. Do not mind a blunt answer, do show me the light if i am wrong or if any of you have been able to use therapy effectively in real life. Sorry if it felt like a rant.",2 Unrelated to being an aspie at least i think but why do people say things like i dont understand this post and then proceed to post and end up assuming or missing the point entirely. Its something that happens a lot of places its okay its juat odd,3 "I’m not about to go home and commit suicide or anything, but I am definitely distracted by thoughts throughout some days, others not at all. I’ve been to therapy before, but talking to a therapist has never helped me before. I’m convinced I have some sort of communication disorder on top of my possible depression, and that keeps me from accurately describing how I feel. I’m never able to say what I mean, and I feel like my brain doesn’t process words very quickly. I can’t connect with people or do small talk. I can only say stuff like “I know, right?” or laugh nervously. During group conversations, I’m usually awkwardly silent because I can’t ever think of anything to say, and when I do its comes out poorly articulated and I’m so nervous I shake. I really don’t have friends anymore because I’ve moved and lost contact with old friends, and can’t seem to make new ones. So I don’t really have anyone to talk about my suicidal thoughts with except my boyfriend. I did mentioned it to my boyfriend not too long ago, which took a lot, but he didn’t seem to take me too seriously. He said maybe I should go to therapy, but then says he would never go himself (and has said multiple times in the past that he would never attend individual or couples therapy – but I think we could benefit from couples because he also doesn’t like to communicate). Anyway, he never even removed his gun from my glovebox, confirming to me he’s not concerned. The thought of actually killing myself and imaging my dead body afterwards really wigs me out, but I still think about that gun a lot. I’m also prone to suddenly acting out dramatically when others thinks everything is fine (or so my current/past bfs would say). Does it sound like I need to try therapy again? This will be my 6th try (as in 6th therapist, multiple sessions each), but I’ve never explicitly talked about suicide before. I have been on Fluoxetine for depression/anxiety, but I felt worse after a few weeks on it. If I just keep going without talking about it, will everything just get better?",2 "I'm just wondering if this is an aspie thing. I guess I just think a bit more logically about relationships, like DNA doesn't matter much to me it's more about how they treat me. But I feel most people aren't like that. For example, I have a brother who's just objectively a horrible person (he's never treated me very well either) and I just don't care about him. Like if he died or I never saw him again, I would be fine. But my parents will defend him to the ends of the earth and it seems like most people simply overlook those things for their own relatives. So do you look at how a person is or do you just accept everything for the sake of preserving family ties?",3 "I'm a licensed mental health therapist, so my job entire day is talking to people, not something that many people associate with aspergers! But I'm lucky in that I'm able to read facial expressions quite well, intuit emotion, tone of voice, etc. Which I know many others are challenged with. Even though I'm not terrible at casually socializing, I feel like it's easier to talk to people in therapy because I know my social role and the rules, unlike casual socializing. I've seen other therapists on here with aspergers/autism as well as teachers, etc. Is it kind of the same for you, and if not, how do you function/thrive in your highly social profession?",3 "Is anyone else on a high dose of zoloft? For example, greater than the max 200 mg?",1 "I’ve been depressed my whole adult life. I’ve been on lexapro for a year. Fuck load of good that did. Tried smoking weed which worked a treat, then got CHS (look it up). Dropped out of college because I didn’t do the work and couldn’t see the point. Now I work full time. Sleeping on my days off. Sometimes I hurt myself sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I drink loads sometimes I don’t. I don’t have any goals. I don’t have any plans for the future. I rarely brush my teeth or wash my face because I don’t care about tomorrow. I’m not interested in getting to know anyone or doing something new. I don’t have any desire to get out of bed unless I have to for a shift. Every shift I work at reminds me how horrible and merciless people are. How little empathy people have. I’ve been to therapy, many many sessions and each I got home and laughed at how useless it was for the price. I think you’ve beat me depression. You have an impressive endurance and an almighty strength",2 "I’m scared how my life is going to be. I’m afraid. I don’t want to live. It’s so scary. I’m constantly worried about my job, life, the future, I just can’t seem to stop. I’m scared. Just make it stop please. I don’t feel like working. They’re going to kick me out. I’m scared. I’m really really scared and so so done with everything. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Scared. Just scared. Wish I could stop feeling like this and feel at peace.",2 "I graduated this past year. Due to anxiety, circumstance and tbh probably add as well, I wasn’t super proactive about applying to jobs, so my current job for a variety of reasons is one I don’t like at all. I currently see a therapist and take non stimulants. I work with practically no one, work at home alone most of the week and my interactions with my boss are awkward and pretty anxious. I only am required to communicate with my bosses about twice a week, so I’m left with ample free unsupervised time throughout 95% of the work week. You can imagine how that might go. On top of that my grandmother died this month and she raised me so I’ve felt like it carrying a ton of bricks on top of the work anxiety. My job gave me holiday to grieve and what have you but going back to a job I already am so reluctant to do has been even more difficult and I’ve fallen sorely behind. Today was supposed to be my catch up and I felt like I let my impulses take the autopilot and I let myself down and did nothing tomorrow is my last chance to pick it up before I have to meet my boss on Monday with an update. I realize that no ones first job is perfect and I don’t take getting a comfortable pay check lightly. I know what I do want in my career or at least I have a strong enough idea and I want to pursue that. I feel so constrained by my own mind and feel trapped and want to take control but I’m pretty down about it.",0 "Hi I got recently diagnosed with ADHD and I started Vyvanse (lisdextroamphetamine) 3 months ago. At first, anorexia was a good side effect. Later, med was switched to Ritalin (methylphenidate). People around me even complimented as I was weighing 102kg with 1.81m and recently I was weighing 94kg. However, I also do weight lifting in a gym (started in August 2021) and have done my second physical evaluation. I've noticed that I've lost some strength and when doing this second evaluation, Ive actually lost more muscle mass than fat mass. Since I'm not interested in losinh muscle mass, I want to understand what strategies you have attempted that work to not have muscle loss during stimulant treatment.",0 "I've been getting close with a guy over the past three months who suffers from PTSD. He was attacked two years ago and is beginning to come back out of his shell. I've always dealt with depression so I know not to try to fix people and just appreciate him for him. However, he gets angry about small things. I'm a really sensitive person and anger is a bit of a trauma trigger for myself. We have a very nice connection where we can talk about everything, and he will bring things up when he begins to get irritated, and we can process it together and he will say that he knows it is irrational but his head doesn't listen. He never has gotten badly angry with me, so it's fine. In the past I've had a 3 year relationship with someone who was also a trauma & PTSD survivor and anger was an issue there as well, but I'm just really bad at handling anger. I just retreat and cry when people get angry at me. Yesterday we were cycling around, and he told me to cycle in front and pick the way, but then got mad at me for cycling too slow, or not choosing a left or right turn soon enough, he didn't yell or anything but he sort of had a small outburst and I laughed it off, but was shaken. He has previously told me that the trauma he suffered two years ago brought all his childhood trauma back up and his interpersonal relationships all ended. The anger he experiences at everyone around him is linked to the trauma. He doesn't have access to therapy, sadly. I want to meet up with him to talk about it, but am not sure how to navigate it and I was hoping to get some perspectives from other PTSD survivors on how one manages anger in personal relationships. This guy is rapidly becoming someone who is important to me, but I'm also a bit scared of the potential for getting hurt and messing up the good path he's on by adding pressure with infatuation and all that chaos.",3 "I don't know if anyone else relates to this, but I find it hard to be around people that I LIKE more than the ones that I don't. When I'm surrounded by people who seem really nice, friendly, attractive, etc. it just makes things worse because I want to know them better, but I know that if I approached them, it probably wouldn't go well. It hurts to see people I wish I could be friends with more than to see the ones I know couldn't understand me. Does anyone else have this problem? It makes me feel really pathetic :(",3 "How has it been for people to start dating again, I dated this guy for a month and it turned out awful, I think now he did absolutely nothing wrong but my PTSD took hold and destroyed it, I feel like I will never be able to date again, it feels like a hopeless situation…",3 "Hey all. Tdlr: big rant ahead. Some weird issues of elvanse 20mg really unsure if it works. Physically disabled so no good metric to see if it is working like work, study of house cleaning. Day 1 and 2 more happy, energy, focus and better conversations with major crashes of fatigue 6 hours later, day 3 is today and nothing has happened, feel tired with teeny bit of anxiety. Backstory: I was diagnosed last week at the lovely old age of 33. A lifetime of therapy and trauma and no one bothered to see how my actual childhood was until the Internet made me realise why depression meds did absolutely nothing for me in my past. Alas the root cause is clearly ADHD, I've never had so many realisations in quick succession followed by a major break down because of missed opportunity or impulses making me drink to oblivion and end up with trauma (no guesses what happened there) or move in with abusive people without thinking it through and people pleasing . Failed business, attempted a degree 4 times, being clever enough to get 95% in first assessments and then it tailing off to failure. I have comorbid social and general anxiety, clinical depression and ptsd. Likely all results of unreated adhd. I am also physically disabled from chronic illness, which theories show likely a result of high stress in childhood and adverse events, constant stress and low self esteem.... body just sort of stops working. Although I do think there's some underlying autoimmune issue still being investigated, like my mum. So auto immune from mum, adhd probably from estranged father and the mess I am today is a result. Cheers fam! 😭😂 Psych gave me non stimulant meds first and they made me really sick, like in bed all day wanting to be sick. He then immediately stopped me on them and gave me elvanse (vyanse 20mg). I honestly didn't know what go expect, as I cannot work and don't study so didn't have a clear metric on how to know of it is working, like I cant run around and clean the house physically for example. Day 1 had a tingly in my brain sensation, felt a little hyper like super energy, but when you have chronic fatigue and inattentive type adhd it probably feels like a buzz to feel that way. It felt a little hyper but definitely more focused. About 5 or 6 hours after it ran out and i went back to tired. Day 2- still a teeny hyper feeling and energy wide awake feeling. But actually got dressed , came down stairs and although a small task, took my bug hotel that has been sat in my kitchen unopened for 3 months and 9ut it outside. It isnt the task but it was the lack of chatter telling me to ""why bother, just do it later "" it didn't exist. I just did it. Had family visit and I had full conversations without distraction in my head, or tangent thoughts. My partner who is also my carer noticed that I would acknowledge him properly when I was looking at my phone, normally I'd be hyperfocused and know he is there, can here words but cannot fathom the words or pull myself away from what I was looking at. Then 5 or 6 hours later a major major crash, mid convo with family, I just felt soooo tired and drained immediately. Suddenly I was distracted but times 100, could not concentrate and looking at my phone then thinking so many things except what was being said. I rested a bit and had a little boost feeling after that but not a big enough boost to motivate, then normal tiredness. Day 3- today. Really little has happened. I had a terrible night sleep, and have a pain day today. Sitting in sofa resting. Took meds and 3 hours later, really wouldn't notice. Maybe had a slight inner hyper feeling, more akin to a teeny bit of anxiety. Still tired. I don't have as much chatter maybe but it definitely isn't quiet. No energy, no motivation. Can barely get through a youtube video without boredom. Writing this and thinking, omg these people are going to think im stupid or that I don't have adhd, like imposter syndrome, I suppose. Im not sure what to do. Second med and it has stopped working on day 3? Did it even work at all as it should? Do I even have adhd even though I'm diagnosed, because the elvanse gave me energy ( i read if it makes you energy hyper, you don't have adhd, but it made me a little happier day 1 and 2, and more anxiety hyper feelings). Help me.. so sorry for the big rant, im just so lost 😞",0 "I know I sound like some edgy kid trying to be philosophical or whatever but it's kinda all I got. ""It's always on your mind of wishing you could disappear or die but never making plans for it, whether out of fear, guilt, or not wanting to harm yourself. But it's no way to live. Sometimes I wish someone would just give me that final push though, it's like people hurt me as much as they can without pushing me over the edge. There's this sick desire to finally have a reason to do it. But what exactly is gonna be the thing that finally does it? Sorry I always vent to you, I don't have many outlets and you're kinda the only person who cares.""",2 "My traumatic events happened (some more recent, some from very long ago) and after each one initially I was distraught and in an intensely emotional state for the first few weeks. But then, my emotions became manageable enough to where I could focus on my work, relationships, etc. Essentially the emotions subsided significantly. Fast forward to 2 months ago.These horrible memories and incidents have surfaced seemingly randomly, some even from decades ago, and I have not felt myself or safe since… All I do is catastrophize and replay “what-ifs” in my head. 2 months doesn’t sound like a lot but that’s 60 days that I’ve slowly felt my old self slip away. He’s gone. And it feels like he’ll never be back. And that crushes me. It makes life feel so flat, like I’ll never feel joy ever again. I’m in therapy where I was diagnosed with PTSD among other things for the specific events that won’t stop replaying as flashbacks and causing my lack of sense of safety. Where do I go from here? Why can’t I heal? Why can’t I bring myself to stop feeling shame and anger at all times? Why can’t I enjoy anything? Why don’t I trust those who have never hurt me? Why do I feel unworthy? Please, anyone, give me some kind of hope that this gets better…",3 I know this will sound like typical ocd but I think I am experiencing antipsychotics withdrawal. It's all fair but I am thinking about it all day and can't sleep at night after Ive missed a couple doses. I am tapering off and my pdoc put me on a New antipsychotic that sedates me. I can't do stuff. I hate it. I Just took it so I can go to sleep finally. I am not sure if this is an obsession or not. I can easily spend 3 hours researching withdrawal symptoms etc. I have been doing that here and there for months. I truly think I am having anxiety because of the withdrawals. No one believe me. They think it's because I am not taking the antipsychotics. I absolutely loath this state of existence. The insomnia and intense anxiety is torturous. I don't remember experiencing so intense and long lasting anxiety before the meds. It makes me suicidal. Some times I think I will die from side effects or that I am currently dying. My anxiety from withdrawal will Last for hours and hours. Ive never tried going off my meds for more than a couple days. Even tapering sucks. I am on a low dose too. This is very distressing. Possibly the worst theme so far. I am sure I have health issues from my medication and I am tired of feeling like this is Just my ocd. I can't pretend anymore.,1 "Hi guys, I need your counsel. I have a friend from high school who wants to hang out. About a month ago we went for lunch and it was really, really, awkward. While we were waiting in line to go eat, she burned through a bunch of icebreaker questions. However, when I respond, she would nod her head or say nothing. It wasn't until many minutes of awkward waiting, and silence, that we finally found a common conversation topic: our love of books. I think she is a cool and interesting person; we share many of the same interests. She wants to hang out again, by grabbing lunch, but I prefer doing something like walking or hiking, so that way there is something to do in the silence. The hard thing for me is that the silence is so loud, and it triggers my social anxiety. My hands would shake and I'd keep them together, trying to comfort myself. As much as I want to continue hanging out with her, my introversion and social anxiety are telling me no, no, no. It seems that if I keep talking and talking I won't get a response, but at the same time not saying anything feels unbearable. Do you guys have any tips on how to better communicate with her in conversation, so that the awkwardness can be avoided?",3 "What do I do with those intrusive thoughts and images **IF I """"LIKE"""" THEM?** Like any other intrusive thought, it is incredibly bizarre. I hate it. I hate that it pops into my head... But because of the subject of the thought (which I'm not comfortable talking about), I feel satisfaction. I DON'T WANT TO FEEL SATISFACTION. I DON'T WANT THOSE IMAGES TO POP INTO MY HEAD. **Any advice?**",1 "I kinda wrote about this earlier but I realized I worded a lot of stuff kinda weirdly and it was very rambly so I decided to try and make a more cohesive post lol. Also sorry if this is long lol. So I do know i have health anxiety and agoraphobia. When i feel bad physically, there are a lot of repetitive actions I do to make myself feel better. Like checking my pulse, BP, breathing, etc. Multiple times until I feel better and even after. But I feel like that's kinda normal for HA? Other than that though, I have these ""rules"" and ""rituals"" I have to do all the time. For example everyday after I wake up, before I do certain things, I have to go on certain apps on my phone in a certain order and interact with them in a certain way. Also I have to say goodbye to people a specific way a lot of the time. For a while I used to have this thing where I had to say goodnight to my sibling in a really specific and long way otherwise I thought something bad would happen while we were sleeping. If something bad happens and I'm wearing like an outfit that I don't normally wear for example, I won't wear that outfit again. And I can't do certain things unless certain people are around me and I know they dont have plans to leave (watch videos, play games on certain consoles, etc). There a bunch of other little ones but those are the most prominent off the top of my head. For a lot of these things theres a feeling behind it that if I do or dont do them something bad will happen at a later point. Even though I know that doesn't make logical sense. Also recently someone suggested I look into tourettic ocd, because I have a movement in my abdomen/diaphragm area that's like a tightening/jerking kinda thing that happens mostly when I exhale. It's mostly involuntary but I can suppress/control it if I try. It has to jerk or twitch until its ""right"" or ""feels finished"" and then I can inhale again. Idk how physical or involuntary ocd tics are. Or how they start. I believe its related to my anxiety because I spent years very focused on every inhale and exhale and how it felt and if I was taking good enough breaths. Still do sometimes. So it makes sense. But again, idk if that's how it works. Any insight would be extremely appreciated. Idk if these things are ocd, my regular anxiety or some other form of mental illness. I want to talk to my therapist about it but I don't feel like I know enough about ocd to feel confident in suggesting it to her. But regardless this has been bothering me in the meantime so, I'm not asking for a diagnosis or anything but like I said, any insight would be helpful.",1 "Hello all, First time poster in this community. Sometimes I am ashamed that I have OCD as I am a mental health professional. I know how to counsel those with OCD though therapeutic techniques (CBT, etc) but I can't put into place myself. Over the last year my OCD has gotten worse. It has always been ""bad"" but now literally one obsession-compulsion or ritual and checking takes 2-6 hours. I was on an antidepressant for a few years but it did not do anything to help. I stoped taking it because my husband and I are about to start IVF and i don't want to be on medication while pregnant and not to mention something that didn't relieve my compulsions and obsessions. I am wondering why it has gotten worse as well as the nature of how my OCD manifests. I'm thinking some of it is subconscious anxiety as I am not actively anxious right now. Yes, some day to day anxiety, minor worrying about the future. But now my OCD has gone though the roof. For instance, now I do compulsions in sequences of 8 and 16 evenly over and over again until it ""feels right"" once something ""feels right"" i'll suddenly see something else, fixate on that and then begin a new compulsion. I do not want to do this when i'm pregnant and when I have a child. As all of you know, they are completely irrational and they are taking the joy out of things that I enjoy to the point where I avoid the things I enjoy. For example, I love designer handbags and shoes. My husband built me a beautiful display in my walk in closet. I have gotten to the point where I dread swapping out a bag, avoid using certain bags or wearing a pair of beautiful shoes and opt for ones that I don't care about wearing so I don't go though the ritual of putting them away. I'll have to insect the shoes/bag for a hour or so, then set it down and pick it up over and over until it feels ""right"" and everything looks ""fine"". But even more confusing, I get more fixated on the shelves themselves. I fixate on the and wipe my hand over and over and over them again to make sure that they are ""all good"". Then i get fixated on tiny pieces of dust and SHADOWS that the room creates. Just utterly stupid. Then ill fixate on that and do mini rituals. I know that once my brain gets stuck in ""compulsion"" mode its hard to break the cycle as you're technically in fight or flight mode. Once I am finally done with all of the stupid ritually and feel ""ok"" and my brain goes back to normal i'm like ""well that was stupid "" and I know that EVERYTHING WAS FINE TO BEING WITH. Does anyone else feel like they have to convince their own brain that what they are seeing or feeling is ""fine""? Another example checking my car. I have an obsession with making sure my doors are closed. I avoid opening the window because, well, another ritual. But anyway, I see the door is closed, i tell myself the door is closed, but my brain goes ""are you sure?"" I dont think so. Same things with checking if things are dry...that I know are dry. I can give many more examples of things I do but you get the picture. I used to obsess a lot but it has gotten to the point where its taking over my life. I don't know if I should seek therapy again, because my last therapist did not help and I cant even help myself. If you have any tips or can relate, let me know. Thanks",1 "**I read over the subreddit's rules and I hope that I'm keeping this discussion in accordance with them. I am not promoting the use of cannabis for treatment. This post is marked NSFW. I am a legal cannabis recipient in my state. I am also diagnosed by a licensed psychiatrist. I am genuinely curious as to the experiences of others on the spectrum who have tried cannabis medicinally, as finding first-hand experience can be difficult.** For me, unfortunately, my state only offers a ""pure"" THC (delta-9) blend, free from other parts of the plant, and a ""plus"" blend, which includes everything -- but the only terpene is linalool. It's kind of a ""one size fits all"", and they ""didn't have my size"". It was quite pricey as well. It just wasn't a realistic treatment path, at least for me. I did have some great success with delta-8 infused CBD flower though. It took a bit of searching, but I was able to find some 'Blue Dream' online -- which is in almost every list of strains that work well for individuals with autism. I felt very calm. Like wearing two hoodies at the same time. I also had my fair share of ""duds"", too. Like how 'Northern Lights' and '9 Pound Hammer' are supposed to help with sleep. Definitely didn't help me sleep. I've also ran into some kinds that greatly exacerbated the exact symptoms I was trying to suppress. I feel like the cartridges didn't have enough of the rest of the plant to really get the ""entourage effect"" going. The 'entourage effect' is a current working name for how THC and other cannabinoids work with our internal endocannabinoid system, and can enhance the effects of each other when used in unison. It is similar to the medical ""plus"" blend that I described above. This same downfall exists with most edibles, unless they specifically add the other parts in. The only unfortunate part was that delta-8 doesn't really make me tired, like traditional THC did. I have massive insomnia, so that was the biggest issue for me. I've had a little bit of success with another cannabinoid, CBN, for sleep. It at least makes me feel tired, if nothing else. What are your experiences?",3 "So I'm pretty sure that I have a mild-moderate case of ADHD (not 100% sure, doctors visit is in a month), but I was just wondering what tips you guys have for staying focused on school work etc, are there any behavioral queues you use to stay focused? Do you go to a certain room (I try going to the library but even still I end up just either avoiding the work I'm supposed to be doing or completing unrelated work to tell myself I was productive). Any and all advice helps, Thank you :)",0 "i’ve done so much research into OCD and pure O, it makes complete sense but why wont my head accept that i probably have it and it’s not just me? is this normal? i didn’t think i had compulsions but everytime i get bad i end up researching and asking on reddit about my obsession. i’ve tried almost everything and i know you’re not meant to use compulsions since it makes it worse, but it makes me feel calm after finding simular experiences and reassurance, i just wish i could be diagnosed and KNOW that my thoughts aren’t me. what if i don’t even have it? it’s so scary to think about",1 "I'm fucking depressed. It's exam times and these are some of the most importantly tests I will take in all of my education and I have no motivation. None. I struggle with staying on top of all my homework which results in my teachers thinking that I am lazy and disinterested in achieving anything worthwhile. I do want to achieve, I don't want to kill myself because I know that I have potential in life but recently things have been making my life beyond stressful to deal with not just in terms of education but also my social life. All my friends left me this month because of something I did and it turns out the people I was hanging out with for several months didn't even like me in the first place. I don't belong to any niche, I'm too awkward for the popular kids and too average to be with the losers I just exist. I'm never anybody's first choice and I don't feel like there is anybody in the world who understands what I am going through. I'm just fucking sick of school and I've already had calls home because of my low attendance. The reason I ask if I should tell someone is because I feel like it wouldn't be considered a priority but rather an inconvenience on the teachers. Should I tell them?",2 "I've been in therapy for a little over 2 years now and clinically diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I kind of hid that from my partner for a while. He knew I was in therapy but I kept it all to myself. Well I opened up about something we have struggled with and my real blunt and honest feelings about it (sex) and it pretty much ruined a lot. My truama around that is not what you think when you hear truama surrounding sex. At least not to a lot of people I guess. I wasn't raped or assaulted or anything like that, however my mom started off talking to me about sex very young but in a negative light. I had 18 years of her deeming sex as horrible, sexuality as dangerous. Think religious indoctrination without the religion. She pretty much told me the same things. I would be a whore if I had sex before marriage, blah blah you know the type. But bc of how she raised me I didn't go rebel with it. I genuinely took that to my heart and I think that was bc of how young she started this. I can remember being 7 years old and her saying this stuff. So I told my partner bc it directly affects our life. He has now told me he's afraid to touch me and doesn't want sex bc he feels like he is indirectly ""raping"" me some how. And idk how to come back from that bc he DOESNT. I actually never had a moment he didn't respect my ""no"" or anything he's super respectful about that stuff. Even before knowing. Although while working through this in therapy I've been in a literal WAR with my truama about sex so he has expressed he feels disconnected to me in that way. I'm more often than not saying no than ever before and even being turned off by touch in general and idk I feel like opening that box ruined a lot for us. Sometimes I feel like he's better off with someone else. He disagrees, bc he's a good man. He loves me but his life would be so much easier if I wasn't his partner.",2 "Things were (relatively) fine. I just got over some false memory and then it got worse. Out of the blue I asked myself ""what if I ever forced myself on someone"" And then it all went downhill. I was obsessed with that question. I do not remember anything like that ever happening. It doesn't even have to do with any real event, the only thing that I base it upon is the place I live in and that there are other people aside from me and my family. That's it. Since I have no memory of something like that happening I tried to recall some sort of other memory that might indicate it. I tried to imagine it and those imaginations started to act as actual memories. The rational part of me knows that this is nonsense but my brain still doesn't get it. When I experience something nice, like eating ice cream, or my relatives expressing their love for me, I feel like I don't deserve it",1 "Be open with your Dr about your recovery or concerns with ptsd. Include your children’s Dr in your concerns. Doing everything possible to prevent this illness from getting passed on should be a parent’s priority. As I wrote this my son (14yo) is privately talking to his Dr. I’m nervous but this isn’t about me. It’s about them and they need a mentally healthy daddy. Good luck parents! You got this!",3 "Ok so a little background, I was in the army for 10 1/2 got out in 2016 and went to therapy for about a year and gave up because it was painful. My girl at the time left shortly there after. Fast forward to 2019 and I started seeing someone. About a year ago people started telling me I need to go back, I'm not myself and becoming miserable to be around. Two days ago my girl said she needed a month to take a break and I need to reflect on myself and the relationship. That was the moment my world collapsed. I've set up appointments with the VA and am willing to start listening and working on myself. I can't afford to lose this woman. I've been a toxic boyfriend for about the last 6 months,. I'm scared and worried that I won't start therapy in time to at least start making some progress on myself. I know it takes more than a month, it takes a lifetime to learn how to confront and cope with the problems. The thing is, she has never given any guys a break during a relationship so I am the first. So I am asking for two things. 1- are there any free resources/therapists I can at least talk to in the mean time while waiting for my appointments? 2- I know you don't know this girl, but I am curious as to what your thoughts are on why I'm being given a break and she isn't walking away. Thank you for taking the time to read this.",3 "I am middle-aged and have begun to see my ASD symptoms for what they are. I've been diagnosed with depression/GAD in the past, and just have been given pills and sent on my way. I'm starting to realize there's more to it than that. The depression isn't really depression, it's burnout. The GAD isn't really GAD, it's a natural reaction to things that are difficult for my ND mind to handle. I went into the psych appointment thinking that perhaps there was an alternative to the grind of eating a pill with breakfast, then smiling and nodding and masking my way through my days. What I got was a suggestion to take a different pill (wellbutrin). I've already weened myself off the prescription I had been taking (lexapro) with no noticeable changes to my mental well-being, so I think I'm done with that game. I'll stick to the occasional beer and/or hit of cannabis to get me through. Just needed to put this somewhere. Thanks for reading.",3 " Some light background on me- I’ve had a particularly difficult childhood and teenage years regarding family trauma, abuse etc. Ive been going to therapy since i was 4 , i’m 18 now and i still see a therapist once a week. I was finally put on medicine at age 13 and i’m still on it. I’ve always taken the absolute highest dose of antidepressants and anti anxiety due to the severity of my mental health. I have multiple meds for anxiety attacks as an add on to my everyday meds. About two years ago i had a traumatic ongoing event in my life which basically changed almost everything i knew. I had to leave my life and my family that i known for 12 years. i lost my boyfriend and my friend group at the time and some other things that just added up to the worst concoction for a mentally ill person. One night i had the worst anxiety attack i’ve ever had. i was paralyzed for hours shaking and gagging there was absolutely nothing that could calm me down i can’t even express how incredibly terrifying it was. After that i started getting daily anxiety attacks and the dissociation started. i had only ever dissociated once for a few hours when i was in middle school so this was so weird and new. Little did i know it would never go away. It’s two years later and i haven’t felt anything since. Nothing feels real life isn’t real i have no short term memory and i’m just a wreck. I can’t function in life. i went from a straight A student to dropping out of college because i simply do not have the mental capacity for it. i crashed my car due to my dissociation and that “life isn’t real i can just drive off a cliff and be fine” mentality. I’ve tried everything i can possibly research. I’m trying to completely process and move on from absolutely every traumatic or bad thing thats ever happened to me with my therapist but that hasn’t done any good. We’ve changed my medicine a few times too and tried new meds. i can’t live like this anymore. i don’t have friendships or relationships because i literally have no feelings or structure. i’ve lost everything due to my dissociation. i can’t snap out of it and i’m just coming to the debilitating thought that nothing is ever going to change. i’m never going to feel again and i’ll never be myself again. Is there anything anything at all that has worked for anyone that has dissociation due to trauma? Any advice or reassurance anyone has because i just can’t live like this. i’m not living i’m surviving and this isn’t what i want i want so desperately to wake up but i don’t know how and i’m hopeless.",3 "I recently realized that while I get really interested by a lot of various topics and can hyperfixate on pretty much anything, my main/most redundant hyperfixations are all focused around the same themes. Like I can get interested in many things but my default mode is pretty much always focused around similar things. Is it common in ADHD to have a sort of fixed/restricted type of interests ? I know it's pretty common in autism but I don't think I'm autistic so is it a shared trait between ASD and ADHD or is it just me ? I'm genuinely curious.",0 "I started a discord server more geared towards veterans as a lot of vets have CPTSD I hope this post is allowed here as I have searched high and low on reddit for something more military geared and wasn't able to find it. Anyone interested in helping me get it going [https://discord.gg/wppAxf](https://discord.gg/wppAxf) Or message me here thanks. If this is not allowed my apologies mods.",3 "It doesn't work for me a lot, but I get the advice a lot. wanted to know if anyone else had a similar experience. [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/mrdoe0)",1 "Hello After working from home for almost a year, I'm back at the office. In adition to Asperger's syndrome (diagnosed), I nearly meet the criteria for ADHD and I'm terrible at remembering names and recognizing faces. People I've only spoken to on camera seem to recognize me, but I don't always recognize them (I pretend that I do if they say hi or start talking to me). Also, although I manage to work efficiently, I find it distracting when people are talking in the background. I managed to work for years in an office prior to Covid-19, but I've forgotten how to cope with background chatter. Does anyone have any tips on how to ease the transition back to normal a little bit? 🙂",3 "So I (20m) have been really struggling lately. I wasn’t diagnosed till last year when I had cognitive testing done. The diagnosis shocked me. Never would I have imagined I had autism. My parents still don’t believe that I have it and none of my friends know. The reason is that I’m very “high functioning” though I don’t really like the term it fits me very well. I can perfectly blend in with society, I can read faces and emotions. But it takes tremendous energy to do it. My friend doesn’t get why after we go to a party I won’t speak for at least an hour cause I’m recharging. It also doesn’t help that I’m usually the smartest person in the room. I can’t relate to anyone and want to talk about topics most people can’t keep up with. I’ve had to learn to dumb down small talk to things like sports and bullshit politics(especially out here in California). Around a month ago I had an ego death on lsd and it was like everything clicked for me. I started noticing all my little stims, how loud noise and bright lights can really fuck my system up. I had been hiding behind 20 years of masking, blasting loud music on headphones to get used to loud noises, staring at the sun so lights wouldn’t bother me. And I didn’t even realize why I was doing it I just wanted to fit in. So yeah I’ve hit autism burnout hard. And I don’t know what to do because there is no cure I’ll always be like this.",3 "Hi guys, I do not understand Punjabi but that's the trick. The music is upbeat and rhythmic and keeps my energy up without putting ideas into my mind with lyrics. Here are some artists: Shivjot, Kaka, Sajjan Adeeb, Ammy Virk, Garry Sandhu, Nikk, Neha Kakkar and Rohanpreet Sin..., Barbie Maan, Inder Chahal, Harrdy Sandhu, Jassie Gill and Asees Kaur, Parmish Verma, Sidhu Moose Wala, Jaani, Karan Randhawa, Diljit Dosanjh and Intense, Afsana Khan, R. Nait and Gurlej Akhtar, Karan Aujla, Gippy Grewal",0 "I am a 28m wondering whether I might have undiagnosed ASD. I stumbled on this subreddit after googling “What to say when people compliment your dog?” Beyond finding the thread helpful in its reaffirmation that my “thank you” is generally an appropriate response, it led me to other topics on this page. Many of the conversations resonated deeply with me, particularly as they relate to social interactions. I’ve been googling questions about how to behave and respond during general and predictable social interactions ever since I can remember; I do the same to an even greater extent in more complex social environments, like when a friend is dealing with a challenging or disruptive life event. I also find myself modeling my physical movements based on what I perceive to be “normal.” Beyond that, I’ve had so many other “aha” or “YES!” moments while reading your conversations, it’s made me wonder if I might be undiagnosed. No one in my family has ever been diagnosed and I’m totally lost and a little nervous when it comes to taking the next steps in answering this question. I would be so grateful for any advice y’all can share. Thank you! Quick edit: I should add that I already took the two self diagnostic tests listed in the page description, and on both I scored well into the ASD range. And sorry if this question has been answered a million times before; a part of me I think is just looking for that bit of encouragement or recognition that no I’m not crazy and should pursue this further.",3 Today’s just been shit. Gona end up moving due to a cheating fiancé can’t even stand to be in the same house anymore…don’t know what to do don’t know where to go…we’ll make it…eventually,2 "I cant even explain why, the people I find in VR chat are diffrent from those I know in real life. I connect with folk more deeply then I ever have before. The popuplar public areas are bad because of all the kids and people doing noisy annoying meme stuff but there are so many worlds where its just 5-6 people sharing stuff about there life. Its beautiful honestly.",3 "So pretty much.. I am fairly certain I have some form of depression.. It is undiagnosed, though. I have not been to the doctor since I was a toddler.. I have never been to therapy.. And I am homeschooled. I feel so trapped.. I have talked to my mother about therapy and going to the doctor.. She has yet to do anything to help me even while knowing my situation. My father also knows, but he refuses to even send me to school, so that's no help. I feel hopeless. I have had to rely on my own strength all these years to keep sane and whatnot.. It's scary.. Not having anyone there for you. No one cares about how I am feeling, yet they always rely on me for their own happiness. I don't have the courage to cut them off.. Because then I would be fully isolated from everything. I feel myself drifting away sometimes.. And it takes a lot out of me to get up and be productive.. I try so hard.. But I keep failing.. I know I will never commit suicide or anything.. But it's likely that if I keep this up I will fully disconnect from everything. I am slipping in "" school "" and I am lying to my parents about it.. I never feel like I am learning, anyway. I don't know what to do.. Maybe I should get online therapy? But that is expensive.. And I really don't find it helpful to talk over the internet about that type of thing. This has sort of just been a rant.. But if you have advice, then feel free to share.. I really appreciate it.",2 "From parents to friends, i dont know i just feel like my life could’ve been used so much better for someone else. I’m just a waste of a heartbeat. I wish i didn’t have to worrry about the $20k hospital bill or my 04 car that I’ve spent more money fixing than it’s worth, only for another issue to arise and i don’t have the money for it. I wish i could just help people. But i have to focus on how to make money and survive and I’m just so exhausted being alone and being abused by my mother. If i can’t be loved, i want to love someone. But i feel like I’m just too much past being a fuck up and i shouldn’t be here anymore",2 Peninsula or South Bay would be most convenient but if you know of one in the rest of the Bay Area please do post it,3 "I'm a counseling student right now so this feels very hypocritical of me - but I am struggling and I don't know who to go to. I have a therapist who I see weekly, I live with my boyfriend, and I'm in several group chats with my friends back home while i'm a few states away. But, I feel that I can't trust anyone enough to tell them what i'm thinking. I recently told my therapist about sexual abuse I went through as a child and that helped me a little bit with the deep depression I was in - but just not enough. I feel that I don't have a support system who I can trust with some really heavy and dark stuff I've been through. I feel that they don't care about me. I struggle with juggling the whole ""reach out when you need help"" and knowing that other people are at their limits. I don't know *how* to ask for help. I don't think that anyone is equipped to help me anyway. How do I work through this, or find people who can support me, rather than just throw their hands in the air and act like they can't do anything?",3 "I feel a a bit annoyed with a friend about his behaviour towards me. He also has autism. I often let him use one of my spare PCs (remotely) to play Steam games. So the game runs on my PC, but he plays it from his old laptop which isnt powerful enough to run most games. This is because his laptop broke, so he had to borrow an old one from his family. When I first started doing this we were playing a game together, but he was continually ruining my enjoyment of it but ignored repeated requests to stop being disruptive. I temporarily banned him from my game and stopped his access to my PC, he wasn't interested in hearing an explanation of why I did this. A day or two later, I reinstated his access to use my PC and connect to my game server. But wanted to explain to him that I didn't think he was being very gracious or considerate. I pointed out that he was using my PC, to connect to my private game server which he asked to join. So the least he could do is show some consideration about not ruining my enjoyment of the game, when I have told him several times that what he is doing does exactly that. I asked him what he thought about that, and he ignored me. I pressed him and the only answer he gave was ""I'm busy"" (playing the game). He continued to ignore me. This was in voice chat (VC). I was fairly annoyed by this as I thought it was pretty damn rude, and he was continuing to do what I asked him not to in the gane, so I temp banned him again. He immediately left VC. He did apologise about being rude the next day, and asked me to reinstate his access again, in order to join a different game I was playing. Which I did. He was a bit if a pain still. Eg ""him : don't shoot at me I'm just testing something"" Me: ""okay, as long as you don't shoot at me, I won't "" *he shoots at me *I shoot back Him: ""why are you being a dick, I said don't shoot at me"" Recently he started playing a new game with a mutual friend (also has autism). I don't have it, but I still let him use my PC to play it. He uses my PC to host the gane for the two of them. They are so into it, they basically just ignore me if we are in VC when they are playing it. I have been a bit annoyed about how he messages me and says ""can you turn on the computer"" or ""is the computer on"" which I don't think is as polite as it should be. But today shortly after he messaged me asking to turn it on, the mutual friend then messaged me ""game computer?"" He was obviously asking if I could turn it on as they wanted to play together, but this made me feel like they feel so entitled to me doing them a favour, that they don't even bother to ask me *what* they would like me to do, when asking for the favour. Quite a while later on I messaged him saying I was planning to shut down my computers for the night soon, so he could save and close the game beforehand. Five minutes or so later I checked the PC and it wasn't running the gane anymore, so I started some updates, and joined their VC on discord to say goodnight. He immediately started swearing about how I supposedly closed his game before he could save ( I didn't close it). He wanted to check if it had saved or corrupted, so he started it again and asked the mutual friend to rejoin. Then he just carried on playing like I wasn't waiting to shut down my PC. He even closed the updates I was working on. I asked if he wanted to save and close the game before I close it myself, so he did. Do you think his behaviour is OK? Is it fair of me to be annoyed with him about it? Is it unreasonable to demand better? How could I set boundaries?",3 "Whenever an unusual sensation comes up my brain immediately thinks something dangerous is happening, which drives me crazy. For example, not long after a fall on my left shoulder, I woke up with pain in my left arm. My brain immediately thought I was having a heart attack even though the pain was moderate. It put me in such an intense stress that u started shaking and couldn't stand straight! I'm wondering if there's a comorbidity. Is that something you relate to?",3 "Is it normal to get irritated with noise? Some sounds really give me a bad feeling. For them it's just normal but for me it feels loud and it makes me anxious thinking maybe they're angry. For example closing the doors, cabinets, etc putting an item to a container or surface and so on. I somehow hear it like they're slamming it. People arguing loudly and aggressively also makes me uncomfortable. I haven't been doing so well since the pandemic started, always stuck in the house and our room isn't soundproof at all. I have never felt safe or at home.",3 "I was so scared of seeing some of my family for around 14 months I wasn't allowed to even think of anything to do with them otherwise I had to do a ritual and I faced them head on and I'm finally able to see and love my family again, the thoughts are still there when I'm stressed but otherwise I'm finally glad they're weaker",1 "I can't stand my intrusive thoughts anymore. I can't take this shit anymore. What can I do to calm down or get better quickly? Besides taking pills, as I'm already on a Zoloft treatment. Btw I was diagnosed with OCD.",1 "Has anyone been told recently how long the wait is between diagnosis and medication starting? Seems like the waits for everything with them have shot up recently, I have my diagnosis appointment in November and want to have a realistic idea in my head about how long it will be til I can start trying meds, idk if it’s likely to be a few weeks or several months. Also I saw a couple of people say the psychiatrist who did their diagnosis appointment at Psych UK prescribed them medication during the appointment, and someone saying it depends who you see if they’ll do that or not? I’m seeing Dr Tari, does anyone know if they might prescribe in this way?",0 "I’m just wondering if anyone else experiences anything like this? It’s honestly one of my more painful symptoms because I end up oversharing at inappropriate times or just saying things I did not need to share at all, sometimes to the wrong people- it’s usually traumatic memories. I feel so bad, my super sweet partner listens so patiently when I word vomit at him but I know it would be nicer for both of us if I brought things like this up less. I would really like to stop, I’ve started journaling and it’s helped a little, but if anyone else has felt this or found something that helps please let me know. I literally say the same things over and over again even if I’ve told them before it’s like I need to purge my head of every thought of it so I spit it out (I have ocd as well it might be an ocd thing?)",3 "21F. I am on SSRI for OCD and my sex drive has reduced alot. Normally I could masturbate using my imagination or erotica only. However yesterday I got very very tempted to watch porn. I only watched porn twice in my whole life, felt super guilty after. I had decided to not watch porn because of how there could be human trafficking and we would never know plus most sites are banned in my country (accessible thru vpn tho). Yesterday tho I got tempted and searched up porn on reddit but I felt bad and switched on VPN and found on a famous site (p*rnhub). I feel very very bad about it. A) What if the person in the video wasnt doing it out of free will B) its illegal in my country cuz of pornban. I feel terrible. I wanted to stop but I also wanted to get turned on so I went with it. What should I do?",1 "Here is some more context: I recently developed what I \*thought\* was a close and trusting friendship with two people who live next door to me. I have known them and hung out a TON with them since February, so about 3 months. And then I began unexpectedly experiencing difficult symptoms of my longterm complex PTSD; this happens to me periodically, it is beyond my control, it's extremely not pretty when it happens, and I am doing everything in my power to seek resources and try to find healing, as impossible as that often seems to me. I don't have a caring partner to turn to. In an effort to seek support and companionship in a hard time, I told these two about it. But when I mention symptoms, they get awkward, avoid the topic, and try to act like nothing is wrong, which makes me feel utterly batshit insane and makes the symptoms even worse. I don't know what to do. They live in the house next to me, so I see them all the time. I am new to town and I was banking on these friendships as a stronghold for my sanity as I adjust to my new life here. I want to make my mind just not give a flying f\*\*\* what they think or do, but that's hard to do because I had developed a lot of trust in them and I feel betrayed. Do you have any tips/tricks for making myself not care? Or what do you think I should do? Just cut them out and try to seek new friends elsewhere, and keep it short and cordial whenever I do see them? Try to educate them on PTSD and have a frank conversation about how their behavior affects me, and in which case, see the title of this post---are there any great resources for sharing with clueless neurotypicals who like, don't have any concept of what to do? Something else? It's so much damn effort, when what I deeply, deeply need right now is comfort and companionship. I feel at a loss and would really appreciate any thoughts you have. Thank you.",3 "It's Black Friday, meaning it's time for everyone to buy shit. I got paid today and so I decided to try and pick up some things that I need. Even though they're things I know I need, I still feel so guilty for spending money on it. I feel like I'm being wasteful and being a terrible, ungrateful person. It's absolutely not reasonable, to feel how I do. Yet I do anyway because of a mix of stupid things going on in my head. I hate my brain so much for doing this shit to me. I know it's unreasonable but there's still that guilt, shame and just utter disgust for myself at buying myself something. How can I have the ""treat yourself"" mentality when I don't feel like I deserve it? Does anyone relate to this at all?",2 "Fuck it. I hate it and it happend and it feels horrible, im here crying, cause I still need to inform my company on why I didnt show up to school. God damit, what should I even tell them? That I missed a whole day of school, cause I told my parents that they should go and fuck off while they tried to wake me up (with me not remembering a single thing off that cause I was asleep), also that my 6 AlarmClocks didnt manage to wake me up? I dont get it anymore, now my head is being cut off for things that I dont have any control over, like what dhould I do, ""be enlightened by god so he wakes me up?"" Yeah probably not Also for fuck sake I now have a headache (ty body for giving me no control over my sleep). Im now gonna call work again and see if they pick up the phone, hopefully I can give a positive update",0 "I’m trying to understand my ongoing memory issues. I was sexually abused as a child and have dissociative amnesia, so I don’t remember most of my childhood. Did this affect my memory currently or is it not related? I can’t find any info online…",3 "Hello. I have ASD and ADHD, and sometimes I get tired all of a sudden and lie down for days. ​ When this happens, my body feels very heavy and I can't exercise as smoothly as when I am healthy. ​ Should I push myself a little harder to keep my workout routine, or should I just lie down for a while and wait for recovery? ​ Thanks for reading and I hope you have a great day.",3 "hi! i just started taking propranolol for my ptsd and my body feels more relaxed? like it feels like the tension in my body left my body? i’m not sure if it’s my other medications but it’s easier to breath. also too! my hands used to always so cold but they’re not anymore? but anyways it’s working a lot or something is working haha",3 " I had to delete the paragraphs that I wrote bc I felt too seen lmao!",2 "The first one is a non binary person named Elias. Pronouns Ellie-as. They are a costume design grad. They were cool. Then I met two more who I think are on my floor, today. One is Emily she’s pretty nice and the other is heather. She’s cool too.",3 "Hey there, Propranolol seems to take the edge of my (social) anxiety. As I have pretty severe social anxiety, I need to take something regularly. So I wonder if anyone has experience with regular Propranolol use? Have you noticed any drawbacks? Is it dangerous to take it longterm?",3 "Me (F 24) and my husband (M 24) we're living together for 2 years after we lived with his parents for almost a year. He is unemployed at the moment and I work. He was diagnosed with ADHD recently and also have depression. I'm on the autistic spectrum. I'm gonna be honest, I'm struggling living with him, our house is a sensory overload hell. He's very messy and doesn't help with the house and the house is so disgusting everyday, there's things everywhere it's TOO MUCH for my head. When I ask him to do something he gets mad and then gets sad after saying he is useless and doesn't do anything right. I just don't say anything anymore bc I don't want him to feel like this but I can't live like this. Even when I try to clean and organize it doesn't last a day. He was not like this living with his parents, they were VERY strict (Asian parents u kno), and made him do all the house chores. I don't know what to do, even if I speak to him softly, calmly and with a smile on my face he always get mad or sad or both. I don't want to argue or fight with him or make him depressed or stressed, I honestly don't know how to deal with this and I don't have anyone to talk about this, bc people will tell me to dump him and I don't want to, I love him so much, I just need to understand him better so we can go through this. Sorry if I said something wrong english is not my first language.",0 "I feel trapped in my own mind. stuck. no matter where i go, i’m always there. i can’t escape it. it’s like i can feel myself in my brain screaming, crying, pounding on the walls to be let out. crying for help. i can envision it. i always see her. i always see me. sitting on the floor, head on my knees, crying. lost. stuck. there’s no escape. there’s nothing i can do. it never goes away. i wonder if this is a ptsd thing? i feel my/her pain, but i also feel detached. i don’t feel like myself anymore. i don’t know who i am or what i’m feeling. nothing helps.",3 "I don't know how to put this into words another year wasted and im still not functioning adult i dont wanna be here anymore",2 "This might be a trigger to some. A couple of days ago there was something posted to FB about a consent law. In my country it does not count unless you were threatened in some way. So just saying no, is not enough. It does not count as rape even if you say no. The comments scared me the most. People were agreeing with this. It is only rape if you were beaten or threatened. So me, being drugged by two people i thought were my friends, was not rape. According to some people spousal rape is not a thing either. Sleeping in a bed with someone and saying no but them going at it anyways is normal, not rape. It is just my obligation to give away this body. My ex would rape me. According to some it does not count because i was with him. It was my fault cause i did not leave. I was scared he was going to kill me. I have been thinking about this for a while now, honestly the whole fb post made me depressed. I felt bad for the girl it was about that read these comments. I dont think i can ever come out to anyone i know about this now",3 "Hi, I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD due to a series of different situations, mainly because of sexual assault, emotional abandonment and abortion. I truly feel like i’m living my own hell because I can’t stop having the flashbacks at day and nightmares at night. How to cope with the flashbacks? Are there any techniques you use to cope?",3 "I'm in the UK and I had a Personal Development Review at work last week. This is a totally new job and I’m only three months in. My line manager knows I’m autistic/Asperger’s – I mentioned it on my CV - and they are always promising to be “supportive”, etc. Now, the review was not overly positive. In fact, I can’t recall a single positive if I’m honest. I was criticised for not saying enough at times, not integrating well enough with the team, not seeming enthusiastic enough, etc. Anyway, basically, everything they criticised was an autistic trait! So they have knowingly employed someone who is autistic and now they’re criticising them for their autistic behaviour. I'm not quite sure what to do next. I feel so demotivated I want to quit and I don't know if I’ll last another week. I wondered if any other people out there had had similar experiences and how they dealt with it.",3 "For years, I've been treated oddly and didn't know why. My current best friend (diagnosed as autistic) had mentioned in unambiguous terms that he believed I was likely also autistic. Later, others stated that they were surprised I didn't already know, hadn't already been diagnosed, and/or hadn't even looked into it to any serious degree. ...then, a week ago, I looked into the possibility more seriously, and have consumed more combined video and textual information than a typical history class at my university contains in a single term. Reading through posts here and seeing the consistently combined clarity, cafdncf, and cognition on display has been a wonderful treat and far more relatable than I could possibly have expected. Life is weird. Recontextualizing everything is weird. Rebuilding rules of social interaction and personal behavior is weird. It's all weird. Insecurities are acting up and I've had a few private meltdowns trying to keep everything together while unfiltering so many thoughts and emotions kept down after relationship abuse and the typical societal quelling of neurodiversity that I'm certain almost everyone here as experienced. Hopefully things will look up soon and my relationship will continue on as well as before - rationally this makes sense, but emotionally I've needed to cling to hope that similarly feels like nonsense despite being able to recognize that hoping for this is, in fact, rational. In short, I would give a tl;dr but I don't get the impression that's actually necessary here. I'm seeking a diagnosis for my own peace of mind and practical life benefits in university and work. Thank you all for helping me properly recognize and remember that I'm not insane about... Everything.",3 "After another round of “if I just do this and this and this, then I’ll be able to work”, I’m really sitting with I’ll need to apply for SSDI. I recognize this doesn’t mean I’ll never work. But managing my symptoms will take at least another couple yrs. I’ve been doing dedicated work and trying different therapies going on 5yrs now—it took three of those years to disclose and another year to recognize and say what was done to me was torture (non-combat, childhood). While I know what was done to me is horrifying, I still feel like I “should” be better than this. I feel like I lost another couple months deluding myself working through healing, confronting memories, resting, telling myself there’d be a “ready, go!” on the other side. I’m not on the other side, there’s just practicing new tools and learning to live in a new way. Yet, I still feel like I “should” be better. I’m just really at a loss of what to tell myself any more.",3 "My dad has been a big part of why I developed ptsd. Today my bf mentioned a certain clothing brand when we were shopping and I got a full blown attack. Luckily my bf was kind and patient. I told him why it happened and he was so understanding about it. ❤️ Be around people who don't shame you for your ptsd. I do feel kinda ashamed for getting a panic attack over something like that.",3 "I know there is beauty in the world and in people. Since I was a child, I’ve found a lot of beauty in nature and in ideas. Art has always brought meaning to my life. Music is a passion of mine. As I’ve gotten older, my anxiety with being in public, around crowds, and driving has gotten gradually worse. While I can still be in public and drive, it’s never comfortable as I can never fully relax unless I’m at home. It really got me to wondering what a life without anxiety would feel like?",3 "This is usually triggered by getting ""dumbdumb talked"" to. You know the tone. The ""I am talking to a very slow idiot toddler"" voice that some people put on when they learn you have brain issues. This has kicked in an admittedly Not Great tactic where if I'm interacting with someone who is obviously infantilizing me i will immediately pull some low blow shit out to piss them off so they start talking to me like an adult. Unfortunately it ALWAYS WORKS! but now they are pissed lol 🤷🏾‍♂️ Do I just cut off interaction mid conversation? Just go ""lol what me brain no get it lol"" half way through their sentence and walk away? I mean that sounds p good too tbh idk",0 "My mind always searching for possible reasons for me to feel like a failure is one of the hardest parts my obsessing. I ruminate constantly and try to prove to myself I’m a piece of shit. It’s literally exhausting. I want you to know that if you’re going thought those. You are not your thoughts, you are not your past. Each day is a reset button. An opportunity to grow. Exist for today. Not what if’s, not yesterday or tomorrow. Be here right now. You feel this way because you want to be perfect and no human is. Much love.",1 "My friend saved my life. He told me to stay in the fight, be an example, get back up. I had a list of best ways to kill myself and I was set on Belgium. I fight everyday. I can’t even tell you how much I miss who I used to be. How everything is bittersweet now. And I don’t want to come here to complain, or to tell you ab my life. I really do wish people could accept the fact that people like us are suffering and let it go. Let me go. I don’t mind dying and if I’m being completely honest, I’m ready for it. Give me a week to live my best life and I’m all set. Everybody’s time is gonna come so why not rush the process a little bit?? Whatever is on that other side, fuck, let me at least go see. But no one understands that. I’m absolutely terrified of myself. I’m angry. I’m sad. And I just wanna go. I don’t wanna talk or debate. Cut me out dude. I’m 100% ready",1 My intrusive thoughts are still there but it kinda just feels numb now to me at the moment,1 Join the discord: [https://discord.gg/fpsQ2tN](https://discord.gg/fpsQ2tN),1 I want to hear from you. What is your story. How does living with PTSD affect you in your daily life? What are some things you really struggle with? What have you fou d to be helpful. What kind of support do you require from others?,3 "Any aspies in or near Miami Beach area, who would be interested in engaging into planned activities? (Kayaking, beach, volleyball, skateboarding, long boarding, park, snorkeling, diving, music sesh, etc...)",3 "Aparently software engineering seems to be the perfect place for aspies, but it sure as hell is not for me. I feel alienated. Everyone speaks in that weird little language and i have no idea wth they are talking about. I can't tolerate college nor jobs. I rather work at a restaurant than work in ths shitty corporate driven tech world. It's hot garbage. No, i don't like tech cos im an aspie. I like arts,science and social science and music a hell of a lot more. The corporate world is fucking aids.",3 "I just really don't understand how to cope with it. Mine is all about themes of manipulation, coercion, and dishonesty. I've had obsessions with it that have lasted two years now related to the idea that I've lied to all these people about my trauma and used them. That I'm predatory and my emotions aren't real and I turn them on and off. It's a living hell. I'm in ERP therapy and I don't know what to tell my therapist other than what I have been. Had some recent trauma that is bringing it out. I'm on medicine and it is still rough. I'm gonna call my psychiatrist. Friday night I was genuinely scared I wanted to unalive myself. Even if I'm not a terrible person/monster, this feeling is drowning me. I don't know how to get through this or why I should want to. It's so hard.",1 Hello! I’ve been meaning to ask if anyone here struggles not only from ocd but adhd aswell. Do these disorders clash together? How is it like for you? What struggles do you go through?,1 "Does anyone else here struggle with obsessive worries about getting and passing on Covid? I have asthma that shows up with a mild chronic cough, a chronic sore throat that flares up intermittently (and I had my tonsils out this summer to try to clear it up, to no avail), plus chronic sinus stuff that flares up regularly, especially with weather or hormonal changes. I've already had Covid (and now have long-haul covid) and am fully vaccinated, but I'm perpetually worrying that I have Covid again and will pass it on to someone and be responsible for killing them everytime my usual stuff flares up. I've already had 20+ Covid tests in the past 18 months, and we don't have rapid tests here where I am. Does anyone else struggle with this? Have you found anything that helps?",1 "Are emotions like doubt felt in the brain, or comes from the brain but felt in our body(physically)?",1 "I was sexuallly abused by my ex like 2 years ago, before that he was abusive and demanding and manipulative and he really really messed me up. I thought I was getting better but I still struggle so much with everything, if someone raises their voice at me I panic, I can't even look at my own body without wanting to vomit. I've recently started to look for new relationships with guys, of the sexual kind mostly because I'm hypersexual and i feel like all my worth is there lol but even then that doesn't work out at all I always get blocked or I get attached because I'm still so messed up mentally and I'm just tired, a lot of shit has happened in my life and yet here I am wanting to die because this guy I met 3 days ago told me I lost my chance lol like I don't even know him??? but I'm so so scared of rejection that I feel like this is the end of the world what's wrong with me",2 "So my dosage was upped to 10mg 2x daily, I take one at 12pm then another at 4pm (this is how I was using 5mg). When I took my first 10mg I noticed no effects still just like on 5mg, no side effects either though. I guess I was slightly more social because I typically walk around blank zoned out on autopilot. But I spoke to my coworkers more. I decided to push my dose to 5pm cause it’s a higher dose. Something I noticed was around 4:30 I started getting like not anxiety but this sensation of needing to do something physically. So I started tapping my fingers and shaking my leg cause I guess I just needed some type of “stimming”. So I guess the medication must be working if I’m not stimming while on it, is what I experience the medication wearing off so I start going back to stimming?",0 "(It’s long, I’m sorry, I just needed to vent a little and share what I’m going through I little and I’m SUPER nervous so sorry if I rambled.) I’m constantly nervous about trying to find a spot in the community of those who have PTSD as mine was caused by multiple factors, the main one and the main focus seems to be a break in earlier this year. My house got broken into once while myself and my mother were out and again about a minute after we returned the same day, he (I think it was multiple but only one came back) came back because a phone was left behind, by this point I was in my room, not feeling good that someone went into my room and went through my stuff, something I was already protective over, but then someone probably around my age (late teens early twenties, it’s hard to tell, he was tall but I’m really small) came back into the house and went straight for my room, my mum was already on the phone to the police but it took her a second to realise that he was a stranger. He scared the hell out of me because a guy bigger than me was not what I expected to see when I turned around. He looked terrified, just wanted the phone which had been moved, but he started going through my stuff again trying to find it and would not leave my room. He was very obviously scared and panicked and I just wanted him to leave, I didn’t have any real fear that I was in any danger nervous for my mum but not scared, they only stole small things that were almost worthless to us, they did steal my hard-drives and a few other this I valued but nothing that was too important and I couldn’t get another, they chucked the hard drives thankfully so I got all my work back. He did leave and the police weren’t too far behind. I think they got them all. But all the stories from people with ptsd is with stories that had a MAJOR effect on their life or something really bad happen or saw something, mine is just: “someone scared me once so now I get panicky sometimes when I’m home alone and I don’t feel safe any more” regardless of the fact I wasn’t really in any danger in the first place. I probably experience so many different forms of trauma throughout my life with navigating disabilities, general experiences with life and people, so it wouldn’t surprise me if that experience broke the camels back a little. I experienced delayed symptoms which is frankly really annoying and SERIOUSLY disrupted my ability to do online school (but I wasn’t aware of that at the time) and the symptoms seem to be gradually getting worse (I am working with someone so don’t worry!) But my brain constantly keeps trying to compare the experience to everyone else’s and then tries to constantly tell me I was too weak minded, too sheltered and that having ptsd as a response of an honestly shit year let alone a bad experience that’s left me unable to truly feel safe in my own room let alone house, just isn’t a major enough of an event, regardless of if I know ptherwise.",3 "For a few years now, I often catch myself oversharing or talking about something to my friends/parents, and then immediately apologising for saying all of that. I sometimes start talking about stuff in a game that I've been playing recently, and drone on and on about it, and then feel like an idiot for doing so after I realise what I've been doing for the past 5 minutes. Does anyone else experience this?",3 "You will die penniless in an empty house, unhappy with every aspect of your life that exists inside and outside of reality. The greatest enemy you will ever know is yourself. Who is your self? Do you even really exist or are you merely an actor playing a specific part in a gruesome play? The deeper you dig for happiness the higher you must climb for it. Trauma creeps in every crevice with malicious toxicity and poisons emotion to the core. Hidden behind the tattered curtain covers a child full of curiosity and wonder, but devoid of love. Where did it go, and who took it? Was it guilt, was it trauma? When is the last time you were truly happy, carefree, and optimistic? Perhaps we should discuss traumas that you disregard.",2 "I’m in my last semester of college and I’m SO close to the end when I can get past all of this, but with two months to go I’m seeing a lot of changes in my behavior that usually precede a sharp decline in my mental health (when my mental health is at its worst is when I develop harm OCD). Im usually at high risk for moderate/severe OCD during times of having a high workload, which is certainly the case now. I find myself spending way more time on my phone as a defense mechanism, and I’ve been putting off my homework, even the assignments that I usually enjoy doing. I’m becoming more paranoid (ex. flinching whenever a car passes by me while I’m walking because I get intrusive thoughts of them shooting me). I now have four different areas on my scalp that have fallen victim to dermatillomania. I’m really worried that I’m going to relapse and have the level of OCD I had when I was 16, which was unbearable. If I could I would back off on the workload, but I’m literally graduating in May so I can’t do that. I just really hope I don’t spiral but I can feel it coming.",1 "I saw my abuser today, and feel very shaken up. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this and has any good coping strategies?",3 "I really like to cook, I love taking my time and looking for new recipes. I focus on simple, cheap and healthy dishes. I adore Mediterrean and Asian food Anybody else who likes cooking?",3 "I have been suffering from PTSD for a number of years, and as I get older i've become more attuned to what triggering looks like for me -- whether its a smell, a sight, or even a feeling that brings me back to a really vulnerable and scary time in my life. I recently moved out of my home state, in hopes that I would be very far removed from my abusers and the place that harmed me - and yet it has been 3 and a half weeks now and I feel not good. I was having trouble adjusting once I first moved here, but I've been noticing that i'm becoming more depressed, not less. I've been waking up in the middle of the night with panic attacks, and i'm noticing that more and more small things are triggering me and reminding me of bad times in my life. Even this feeling of feeling alone, scared, and helpless has been really unsettling. I just feel really sad and depressed and hopeless in a way that I have not experienced since the abuse occurred ten years ago. I know that having PTSD, i probably always struggle with irritability and depression in ways I can't notice, but now that I'm noticing, I still feel trapped. Does anyone have advice for how to help myself out of this really bad spot? Do I just wait it out until it passes or should I actively be trying to combat my depression? When will I get used to this new home instead of resenting it???/",3 "Joji - Ballads 1 I've always loved this album. It's literally the definition of what I perceive to be a perfect album. Has anyone else heard this album before?",3 "When someone is saying something to me I usually have to ask them if they can repeat what they said. Whenever someone is trying to start a conversation or even just telling me something while im not ""ready"" I would not be able to understand what they just said. It only happens sometimes if Im already in conversation with them. Few things Ive noticed are that even if I concentrated really hard on what they are saying I would still sometimes miss out on what they are telling me. Another thing is that occasionally, if I would try to repeat what they have just said, I would understand it. The way this works is that I can still grasp some things that they said and try fitting in words and guessing what they were trying to tell me (which would take me few seconds). So am I deaf? Or just weird? Or does it not have to do anything with aspergers?",3 "Hey guys. In your opinion, what is the best medicine for OCD? I was on Zoloft briefly but it’s sent me into one of the worst compulsions of my life and I have had earworms nearly 24 hours a day for a week straight. Just got prescribed lamictal and I’m hoping that might help.",1 "Since I got out of the hospital, i feel my depression is so much worse. I think that is pretty common but it gets very bad. I lay in bed moaning and groaning while I cry. I've had very bad depression before but this is on a new level. Is this normal?",2 "Hey so is it just me but I’ve been worried about my boyfriend for no reason and I text him a lot making sure he is ok when he doesn’t answer I start to overthink everything and all that like he was at a party I stayed up all night till he texted me that he was home is this me or adhd I feel like am annoying him like a lot he says am not but I cannot stop thinking I am and I can’t stop myself I try and not text him or call but I start to overthink A LOT Thanks",0 "Hey there everyone. I’m a young paramedic, literally 2 years out of school. In many ways I see my situation similar to that of Hurt Locker(2008). I worked on the road for just over a year before going remote site. I don’t know if anyone can relate. But when I came home for Christmas last year, most people knew something was off. My boyfriend noticed I was very irritable, I would constantly dissociate and I became every anti social wether it was parties, gatherings or going to the mall I would generally struggle. Needless to say everyone around me could tell I was off. I get a lot of flashbacks when I’m back home. I used to work the area where I live and I struggle to be calm. I can see the vehicles from my old base responding down the highway. They have a specific pitch in their sirens, helicopters, certain phone ringtones. It all triggers a surge of memories and immense anxiety. I don’t even drive past my old base anymore because of it. I hate to be that guy, but I am. I like to tell my war stories to unsuspecting folks who ask me what’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen, My old coworkers and college friends all say they’re there for me, but you can’t ever open up without it turning into a huge dick waving contest. In many ways I feel like I’m too young to be going through this, I feel very burnt out. I don’t like to admit it but I enjoy drinking a lot more than usual and drinking more frequently than before I left. My family has an extensive history when it comes to mental illness and I do suffer from depression, I take about three different antidepressants to keep myself at baseline. I don’t know if this past year working remote site has helped heal or accelerate the process. Back when I was on the road, I barely had enough time to think, now it’s the complete opposite. As much as I miss home, I miss being on the road. I often can’t wait to fly back to my remote sites. I just wanted to share my story. Edit: I just came back home for about 2 weeks before I get sent shipped off again. But I wanted to say thank you to you guys for offering your input and support. I’ve made an appointment to see a therapist in my area and I’m going to tackle this before it gets out of control.",3 "Im 13 and I just jacked off a few minutes ago and then i couldnt cum so i thought of kids to see if i cum and i almost came i think but i stopped myself and then i jerked off and did it again and then i jerked off the last time and the thought popped into my head but i didnt think about it and i came but not to the though And after finishing i stopped for like 25 seconds or more and i tried to think of a kid again and see if i cum and i think i didnt cum and then i did it again to the thought of a different kid and i didnt cum and then u did it again to the thought of another kid and i dont know if i came i felt like i was but i dont think i did fuck my life help am i pedo",1 "Just before Luke Perry's death I was doing my compulsions while thinking about him because I figured nothing bad would happen if I don't do compulsions around him. Not long after he had his stroke and died! Anyone else think about him just before his death because I need to know if I was responsible for causing it!",1 "I’ve been stricken with some mysterious illness for some unknown amount of time. Initially, thought it was a sinus infection alongside GERD, then the brain fog started, and the weight loss… and now my medications aren’t working anymore. And my doctor wants to add more. And despite the fact I’ve dropped from 135lbs to 110lbs, my lymph nodes have been swollen for months, I have a progressing upper respiratory infection…. my doctor asked, ”Have you seen a psychiatrist?” No, actually. Because that is so fucking expensive. And now I haven’t worked in two months thanks to this illness (except Black Friday, when I left coughing up blood). None of my friends talk to me anymore. Two were my roommates I’d known since elementary school, they haven’t spoken to me since March. My other two friends - who I’ve known for just as long, and I thought I was closer to - haven’t spoken to me in a few months, even when I offered to buy food, or tickets to a show. I don’t talk to my parents. I don’t talk to my brother. Wtf is wrong with me? Why does no one seem to care? Even when I messaged our dead group chat, “I feel like if I died, nobody’s life would change.” The only response I got was a thumbs down reaction. Did I just do that for attention? Or am I asking for help? And nobody wanted to. I had a nightmare the other day that I was called in to work, but I was too sick, except they threatened to fire me if I didn’t come in (despite being on leave of absence). That isn’t normal, is it? Is it? I’ve been thinking lately that I really just want to die. That I want to kill myself. It’s all I can think about, sometimes. My last paycheck was fucked up, only $300. I forgot to put paid time off in at work, although I thought I had. I missed my car payment, my phone bill, my internet bill, all my credit cards. It’s insane how much can fall apart so quickly. But like I said to my therapist, and like he said back to me: the fear of dying is worse than the pain of living. But I said that a month ago and I’ve only gotten worse. My partner is an absolute saint for continuing to put up with me and care for me. I’m so thankful I at least have one person left.",2 "I find myself wondering if I really have OCD all the time. At least 10 times a day. I’ve had obsessions and compulsions since a very *very* young age and am now 17 and haven’t had the guts to go see a doctor or talk about it with anyone, because I’m scared of being judged, or being told that I’m just overreacting and that nothing is ""wrong with me"". I have an appointment with my GP tmrw, hoping I get some help. We’ll see. But my family always jokes about how I’m a perfectionist like my dad, but when I say I think my problems are bigger than that they say ""it’s normal"". I guess I’m scared of being diagnosed and being seen differently by my family. Any thoughts or insight? Thanks c: Wish Me luck aha. (Maybe the fact that some may have it worse than me plays a huge role of me questioning if I should even be diagnosed with OCD, or worrying about it. I’ve always been like that, even when it comes to Depression or Anxiety...).",1 "I don’t know if anyone will even care to read this but I had to purge this and typing it seemed as good as anything. Title pretty much says it all. I can’t do this shit anymore. I wouldn’t say Im suicidal, but I think that if I were gone, ran off, start a new life, etc. that everyone else would be so much better off. For context, I have a family that loves me, a beautiful wife, and my nearly 2 year old son is the best thing that has come of my time on this planet. I couldn’t be more blessed in that regard. I have been working in corporate life struggling to try to better our situation, and while money and status isn’t everything, I constantly wonder if I will be able to keep growing, and if I could even handle that if I were to have upward mobility. I have been on lexapro and adderall for about a year now, going to therapy, giving it a good college try but I feel if anything I am going in the wrong direction. So here I am on another holiday with the inlaws, tensions high, fighting with my wife. We live far from my family, so I rarely see them as it is. Regardless, I have an uncanny record when it comes to ruining holidays, birthdays, gatherings, etc. I just cant anymore. My wife deserves someone who will love her and be good to her. My son deserves someone who can love him and teach him and make him feel happy and confident and whole. The thought of fucking him up already at his age has me in a dark place. I didn’t have a Dad I was close with, and my stepdad is a great guy but we just haven’t ever been super close, and I don’t think I know how to be a good man. I wish I had a way that I could leave them all with financial stability and that they have a strong figure in their life to feed them emotionally and mentally. Im too scared to take myself out, but I just want to run. I just wish that I could leave them in a better place than they are now, and that I and my self destructive tendencies could just evaporate. If anyone took the time to read this I appreciate your few minutes you gave me. I hope anyone that finds themselves on this sub today can go find something to get the good vibes flowing. Peace and love ✌️❤️",2 "Someone I have known for many years told that I rarely stand up straight. They I always have a “hunched” stance, rarely standing up tall. Being somewhat of a 3 inch difference. Over the last two months I have noticed it and every time I do notice it I try to correct it. I don’t know why I do it I know it’s just a “reflex” at this point. I don’t think it related to confidence. Maybe standing tall brings attention to me so I try not to stand tall. Put that’s mostly intentional unless it’s subconsciously happening. I don’t know is bad posture is common or not. I just feel comfortable standing the way I do. Is it really that important and how do I fix it?",3 "Hey y'all, first things first, so my question may not be taken for as dumb as it looks. **I have a severe case of OCD, which forces me to restart my iPhone and iPad whenever I encounter a ""technical problem""** \- yes, Apple Music crashing (which it does pretty often after its last update) is such a problem for me ... I'm gonna post this question in r/ios and r/mentalhealth as well. If you have any technical knowledge to calm my mind from its obsession to endlessly restart my phone, it'd be very helpful. Here's the never-ending circle I'm currently encountering. Please don't hold back with your tech-wise arguments. Maybe I can convince myself that restarting my phone hundreds of times is a waste of time: 1. I encounter a problem, such as a crashing app. Or whenever I visit a site that probably might have viruses/malware on it, I feel the urge to delete all my histories (Apple Music, Insta, YouTube, Safari, Siri Dictation History, even Mobile Data Statistics). 2. I then feeld the urge to shut down my phone, turn it on again and repeat that deletion process, if possible. 3. Afterwards, I shut it down and start it up again. 4. On bad days, I optionally do it a third time, *just to be safe*. **Now the more tricky part, that makes me restart my devices hundreds of times in a row:** When shutting down my iPhone/iPad, it sometimes directly fades to black. Sometimes, though, it shows a loading circle. And sometimes even, for a fraction of a second, the Homescreen blinks and then it fades to black. When starting up, the logo sometimes blinks. When swiping up to enter the passcode screen, the screen sometimes goes up fluently (the animation). Sometimes it rests for a second and sometimes it doesn't move at all and directly shows me the passcode screen. Whenever anything of that above happens, I recognize it as a failed shutdown/start and need to restart it once (without deleting anything) and then repeat the steps 2 and 3 at least twice. While doing so, I occassionally encounter one of the latter problems and need to repeat it again and again. First of, thanks for reading all of this. Some probably won't get it why it's so painful for me. To put it in a nutshell, though: I use trading and banking apps, so my iPhone feels like an *essential part of my life*. Encountering such ""problems"", which I don't consider very apple-like and therefor see them as a system failure, it feels like an existential threat to me. Maybe by getting some advice regarding the technology and the reasons for blinking Homescreens etc. can put this urge into another perspective. Thank you so much for you advice!",1 "Lately, I’ve been practicing CBT and ERP. I’ve made some progress, but it’s at a cost. Whenever I ignore my OCD rituals, I experience an increase in anxiety. I try to sit with the feeling but it never leaves. I feel like I’m unable to concentrate on things and my mind is clouded. However, when I do my OCD rituals, I find that my concentration is actually better and I can actually enjoy things (to an extent) and my mind is much clearer. I don’t know what to do because OCD is ruining my life but it’s also the only thing which gives me relief. OCD is so tricky because you know that logically your rituals don’t make sense but you just can’t escape the feeling of unease that accompanies it. Which poison do I pick?",1 "Hi guys! I'm a first year medical student who is struggling HORRIBLY. I don't have better words to describe it but nothing is working for me and I'm stuck because I have finals soon and I don't know ANYTHING at all. For context, I'm doing my MBBS (South Asian) and you could say I'm a whole year behind in terms of knowledge because I don't understand anything. It all started after the pandemic. I've heard lots of success stories of how people bounced back from burn outs but for me it seems neverending. I used to be a high achiever, I used to study adequately and still score great marks. Now I can't even focus for more than 5 minutes. A little interruption puts me off for the entire day. I've tried everything in the books: making a timetable, meditation, Pomodoro... nothing seems to work for more than a few days. I am unable to retain information. I'm unable to stick to plans or reform any type of consistency. You may know how beneficial flash cards are in Med school. My streak is 2 days! I'm just so unproductively productive. I spend hours looking study tips, trying to make Anki cards, reviewing lectures or making my notes look pretty but I retain NOTHING. I'm so exhausted and I don't know how I'll pass. Sometimes I get bursts of motivation and it lasts for maybe 2 hours before I'm back to *normal*. I feel like a wasted potential now because I used to be so smart and now, even calling me ""below average"" is being generous. My peers who have known me since high school and are in university with me actually are surprised by my downfall and some even mock me which is just hurtful. I'm really trying to get back on my A-game but I feel so useless. I feel I have undiagnosed ADHD or something that's hindering my progress. Please do realize that I can't seek professional help bc of family reasons (my mom won't ever believe me if I tell her the reason I can't study is because of ADHD) so i was hoping to find some temporary solutions to problems. I also want to be able to EXECUTE them instead of just following through them for a day and then falling back into the void. A year's worth of syllabus *from scratch* is impossible to cover in 1.5 weeks and that's haunting me. I suck at holding myself accountable too and I can use about anything as an excuse. Not to mention I don't have friends who'd be willing to help me get through this burnout so I'm all on my own. Im aware no one's obligated to help me because I know my issue is pretty much unfixable but if there's anyone who can offer tips or anything to just help me back on my feet again, I'd love it. I'm so exhausted of trying and failing. 3 whole years of doing nothing, I feel like a slob. Even this entire post in retrospect feels more like an excuse to procrastinate than anything at all. I've already wasted my entire day today bc I've been horribly sick and can't study. I am going to post this on r/ADHD as well if I can get any help. Thank you for reading if you did. I know it's too long. Much apologies.",0 I’m not in a great spot with my boyfriend right now. My best and only friend is busy with her baby so she can’t talk much. Both of my therapists (one on BetterHelp and IRL) are sick from covid and I haven’t heard from them in over a month. I’m really stressed out from all the school work I’ve piled up because I’m too depressed to do literally anything. I don’t trust school counselors because I’ve had multiple bad experiences with them in the past. I barely eat anymore and when I try to force myself it just makes me feel sick. I haven’t been keeping up with my meds either cuz I keep forgetting to take them which is probably why I’m feeling worse. I have no one to talk to and I have so many pent up emotions and I don’t know what to do with it. I’m so exhausted.,2 "Hello! I was diagnosed at 8 years old, but my parents weren't interested in seeking treatment for me. I did ok in high school, failed out of college 3x, and finally got medicated. Everything changed. I came out of depression, I finished my engineering degree with honors, I have an amazing job, I got married, I have a kid, I got my master's degree, etc. Anyway I go off my meds sometimes and I like my personality better. I'm more fun, sillier, etc. I'd kind of like to quit taking them, but I feel like I can't do my job without. I kind of like my hyperactivity, and sometimes it feels like I'd have energy for everything if I stopped taking meds. I know a guy who doesn't take meds and is really hyperactive like me. He seems like he's crushing it. Has anyone here successfully transitioned off medication? Can you contain your symptoms with diet and exercise alone?",0 "Almost like a learning disability, I struggle to function because I don't understand a lot of stuff. For example, it's really hard for me to do basic ""adult"" stuff like taxes, manage my finances (I just don't spend any money, including going days without eating and buying nothing at all so I can save money), and even though I've been driving for 5 years there are many highly specific or unexplained rules I don't know about and no one will tell me a clear answer to how, like where you're supposed to merge VS how long you should stay on the right lane while merging (sometimes I see drivers leave the lane early, are they wrong? Why are they breaking the rules if so?) or if you're allowed to make a right from a center lane. Am I allowed in dangerous neighborhoods? How do I stop people threatening me when I go through a dangerous neighborhood? How do I stop people from taking advantage of me in many scenarios? I am very black and white and often need help with just about everything. I may be good at my areas of interest and a few related fields, but I'm bad at operating in society. As a result, I worry constantly that I may not be able to have the career/life I want, I may not be able to marry or live with who I want because my brain is too simple to understand so many complex things that NT's are instinctively good at understanding. Despite how much research I do, I'm a bad ""researcher"", because I can't seem to find answers to any of my life questions. It's scary how disabled I actually am and black and white thinking can be dangerous, especially when it comes to operating machinery, or personal safety. I've frequently been in dangerous environments and I had no idea.",3 "Hey guys, I have POCD, and Yesterday While watching p*rn I watched a video from the “twink” category, I always avoided those videos because they triggered me, but yesterday I said “fuck it I know its not true, they’re not minors” but my mind still told me they were, what if they were minors and im turning into a monster, im panicking what if this is the beginning i feel awful, I say I wont act on these urges but what if I do, what if im too good faking feeling bad and im just a psychopath that’s why i feel my words are empty, im so scared I can’t how do i prevent this. i knew this would happen i cant i cant i cant i cant",1 "It feels kind of validating to finally know that the days I could not get up to work or study was not because I was lazy or stupid. I'm a working law student and it's been a hard couple of weeks mentally, which eventually caused me to get medical attention because I got scared when... when the thoughts started to get darker. And now I'm here, diagnosed and starting to take meds. Now that I know what I'm facing, I just want to know if people could share how you guys cope with living with depression? Or any tips you could give me to keep fighting through down moments/down days? Right now, I'm really just having a hard time doing anything productive and just keep sleeping to not feel the things I feel when I'm awake. I am taking a week off of school and work but I'm afraid I won't be able to handle things when I get back. Anyways, that's it. Thank you so much in advance. Much love to everyone.",2 "My boyfriend (M24) has OCD and having to watch him suffer breaks my heart so much. Hearing him say "" I love you so much, I know I do. I just need you to know that my OCD makes me think otherwise and it's so exhausting. I can't keep living like this. "" He tries his best to not show me low moments but I tell him that he can be vulnerable with me and that it's okay to cry. I try to reassure him as much as possible. He was very depressed during the fall season of last year and I know that he's improved so much because he talks about his future with me now. He used to never be about growth but I got him to love TED talks and he loves to teach me what he knows about trading or life stuff in general. I see faith in his eyes but I know that it is a very difficult battle he goes through every single day. ​ I want to be a supportive girlfriend as much as I can be for him but how can I do that without hurting myself in the process? I wasn't trying to tear up in the car last night when he was saying that he's afraid that the prozac he started taking was gonna make him not care about our relationship anymore. I had to keep in mind that it was his OCD talking but like ... it still breaks my heart to hear him say that he can't keep living like this anymore but that he loves me so much... ​ It's my first time falling in love ever and I must say that my (F21) first relationship definitely went 0-100 but i wouldn't trade it for anything else. I want to keep our relationship as healthy it can be so I was wondering if you know someone that suffers from OCD what's something that can help soothe your partner or loved one?",1 "I am almost 37, I have three amazing kids, and honestly… they’re the only reason I’m still here. Their dad and I split up five years ago, not because our marriage was bad, we just weren’t in love with each other. We’re still good friends and co parent well, and he has helped me quite a bit. I met someone else almost immediately, and he and I are still together and have a place together for the last year and a half. I love him more than I thought I could love someone. But we’re not in a good place. I sleep on the couch, he in the bedroom. It’s been this way for months. We’re not intimate. We have major issues with his ex wife, her blaming me for breaking up their marriage and family (he’d asked for a divorce long before I came along but she never listened), she still thinks he wants to come home to her and I won’t let him. His kids hate me and have nothing to do with me. His mom and sister have always welcomed me with open arms; they’ve always said I was the best thing to ever happen to him, they’ve never seen him he way he is with me. I don’t want our relationship to end, but I don’t know what to do. I lost my Gramma a year ago last week, and my best childhood friend a year ago next week. My brother in law, on Christmas Eve six years ago. Christmas isn’t a good time for me anymore. I try for my kids sake, but I couldn’t even get them any gifts this year. My baby turned 10 on the 19th and I couldn’t do anything for him. A very kind stranger reached out and had some gifts sent for my babies. I cried, because at least now they have something to open on Christmas Day. But I also just feel like a failure. I miss my Gramma so much… my bio mom is a narcissist and an addict; I lived with my grandparents half of my life and she was my real mom. But, when she was being taken off of life support, they only allowed bio mom and her sister in the room. She didn’t have a good relationship with my Gramma, and I believe she did this out of spite just so I couldn’t say goodbye in person. What I wouldn’t give for one of my Grammas hugs right now. I started having symptoms of depression and anxiety before the age of ten. When I told my mother about this, she would say I was just wanting attention and ignored it. I struggled for years until as an adult I finally went to see a doctor and got an official diagnosis and on meds. I did ok for a long time, but this last year I haven’t been on my meds, and the depression has such a strong hold on me. I feel alone. I feel like a failure. I feel as if I just went away, it would be better for everyone I do love. I won’t take my life, I won’t do that to my kids… but I’m struggling really badly right now. I just want Christmas to be over. Anyway… sorry for the rant. I just don’t have anyone to talk to and needed to vent or talk or whatever, just get some of it out.",2 Triggered by a TV show I stupidly decided to watch lol.,3 "So I’m currently on 30mg of vyvanse. And it’s simple not working. Even tried 50mg and that just wasn’t it. I just don’t think it’s for me. I don’t have any side effects but I also don’t have any benefits. I’m crazy depressed more so than I’ve ever been. And I’d really like to try Wellbutrin. I just don’t know how to ask my psychiatrist. I don’t want her to put me on a different antidepressant. I’ve already done the SSRI route, not a fan. And I’ve taken cymbalta (an SSRN) and I liked it. But I didn’t love the weight gain and it didn’t help with my adhd symptoms. How can i ask her to prescribe me Wellbutrin? I’m nervous about her response.",0 "Hope this is ok to post, please remove if not- I am waaaaay overdue to find a PCP in Phoenix and my husband isn’t a fan of his. Last year, thanks to another redditor reading between the lines of a venting post I made, it started to hit me that ADHD might be what caused a lot of my issues, and after reading how it presents differently in women I was so overcome. I set up an appointment the next day but was with a physician’s assistant. She was honestly wonderful, listened to what I said, told me there are lots of things that can present similarly in women so we want to rule those out before we and together we call it ADHD, and then through the course of the appointment ruled out literally everything else lol. She recommended trying non-prescription options first and said if those weren’t doing enough come back and we’ll do blood work and talk about medication options. I did, it’s not, and it’s time. But she is REALLY far away and I would like to have a full PCP. I wasn’t too concerned until I started reading the horror stories here about people getting dismissed, especially women first getting diagnosed. Then I found out at the same time as me my sister was also having a similar revelation and went to HER doctor (in a different city) who told her she was just depressed (she has no actual depression symptoms and had depression many years ago and knows what it feels like) and insisted on proscribing her heavy duty antidepressants which then took a month for her to wean off of when they (of course) did nothing good for her. So now I’m just very stressed about going through the process of finding a doctor and having them be like many have experienced and having to start over.",0 "It brings me such excruciating pain. It'd he much less painful for someone to rip my skin off, dig screws onto my body and set me on fire. I fucking hate it i literally can't do anything sitting down not even watching TV or whatever. So for me to sit down and follow a fucking 2 hours lecture or do a fucking 2 hours exam i mean there's no fucking way",0 "my days become a complete blur by night or the next day, i never know what day it is, i keep forgetting to take certain pills, i feel so slow. i feel like i’m not paying attention, like i’m barely there. i used to be good at listening and being in the moment, but i can’t focus, my brain just starts to blur and i can’t multitask anymore. i’m tired all the time and i don’t want to take care of myself i just want to sleep forever. not even die, just sleep. and dream. and be in my warm bed in silence. i’m so fucking tired",2 "TW// Sexual Assault. When I was 16 I was in a long distance relationship and for her Birthday/Valentines day I went to visit. I don't want to go into more detail because I feel like you know what happened. Valentine's Day is always a really tough day for me, even when I was in a relationship with a different person. I remember I took my ex on a date 2 years ago and when we got back to her place I just had a massive break down. Even when it's not Valentine's day I still think about what happened, like everyday I still think about it. I just want to move on and get better but I just can't for some reason. I'm spending this Valentine's day alone again and I'm not sure what I'm going to do since I don't have anyone I can talk to about this. It's going to be an interesting weekend I guess.",3 "I was doing pretty good at the beginning of the semester. But then a few things happened in my personal life and I fell behind on an assignment or two. Now that two late assignments has grown into a monster of overdue work that I cannot bring myself to do. I want to do the work. I want to succeed. I want to graduate so bad. I understand I am technically capable of doing this, of finishing the work. But it feels literally impossible. It's so overwhelming and I just want to crawl into a hole and pause time for a bit. I feel fucking stupid because I'm 23 and I've been in college since 2016 and still don't have ANY degree. I'm losing hope and motivation. My parents are assholes and would tell me from a young age that I won't be able to do anything with my life if I don't have a college degree. I'm lost and I feel lonely and the pile of overdue work keeps growing. I know I should ""just do it"" but I literally CAN NOT. Just thinking about sitting down and finishing those assignments feels physically painful almost.",0 So I’ve been experiencing a breathing obsession that started as a result of trauma. It’s been about 3 months since I first noticed it. Shortly before that I had harm ocd and at one point hid all the scissors in my apartment because I was afraid I was going to do something in my sleep. Shortly after starting me on seroquel the thoughts of hurting myself started to go away. Right when I felt like I was starting to feel Normal my brain almost went “don’t trust this” and that same night during a movie I was suddenly locked into my breathing. The first month was the worst and it was pretty much 24/7 locked into each and every breath a “living hell.” A month or so after I began to see slight improvement and noticed I was more constantly thinking about my breathing rather than noticing it all day. I recently met with a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with ocd and was put on Zoloft which she started at 50mg and have increased up to 150mg starting today. This was while coming off of gabapentin and Effexor. After a stressful move and bad family get together which ended in my brother in law trying to choke my little brother. I of course defended my brother and ended up with a sprained wrist and severe bruising up and down both arms. Afterwards my mother in law yelled at me for an hour saying I’m not good enough for her daughter how this isn’t the life she wanted for her since we don’t have a lot of money. Now it seems the ocd and depression are worse than ever. I’m not focused on every breath as I was in the beginning but I’m constantly checking my anxiety levels and the mere thought of breathing is on a constant loop which is very frustrating. For a while I was able to distract myself with video games but even that doesn’t work. Has anyone else experienced something like this? I know somatic ocd is the term. But since I’m not really hyper ware anymore (maybe an hour a day. it’s just so frustrating the thoughts won’t stop. It’s left me very depressed and anxious counting down the minutes until the day is over and I can get the sweet release of sleep. I’m on 100mg of Seroquel and .5mg of klonopin 2x a day to manage the anxiety. I just want my life back.,1 "I know it's no good thinking about the past. I can't be that person anymore. I deleted all messages, photos, everything from that time so as to not dwell on it. I can't delete memories though. Holiday 2019, I was baking cookies with my boyfriend in my apartment, talking about which friends we'd give them to, I was confident and competent in my job, we had vacations planned for 2020. Holiday 2021 I've been no-contact with my now-ex for nearly a year, am homeless, keep fucking up at work. I haven't spoken to friends in months. There's no point to anything anymore. I'm tired of therapy, of pretending I can be fixed, pretending that I can even have a fraction of 2019-me back. It's over, there's no going back and there's nothing ahead.",2 "The way i understand it is that Aspies are bad at recognize and practicing social cues naturally, but many of the people on this sub speak of how introverted they are. for context im a teenager, i really enjoy talking to people and having meaningful conversations, that being said i dont have 1 friend group and tend to float around a lot, speaking to a bunch of different people but never fully trusting or comfortable around 1 person. i can be very ignorant in certain ways and extremely blunt. I struggle with dealing with any severity of injustices, especially and become annoyed, irritated and angry easily im not asking for a diagnosis of any sort but i was just wondering if anyone else (preferably diagnosed) relates to my situation. Thanks!",3 "Perhaps this is just me, but I am curious to get some reactions from other people with ptsd as well. As background, my worst triggers are alcohol and drugs. Mentioning them, smelling them, seeing them, being around them, even random thoughts of them can ruin my day in a flash. One thing that makes these triggers particularly difficult is the degree to which other people find humor in these triggers. For example, there are a number of movies and shows that I shouldn’t watch obviously, and I am ok with missing out on some things. That said, I find it especially hurtful when my family members and girlfriend find these forms of entertainment hysterical. It just hurts that they know how much pain it causes me and yet they find humor in it. I understand that they don’t struggle with the same triggers, but I also know I wouldn’t be cracking cancer jokes around my dad with lymphoma for obvious reasons. Just curious if anybody else struggles with this happening and how you deal with it. I could really use some advice on how to react positively to these occurrences as they are not infrequent and rather hurtful. Looking forward to what you guys think. I could use some level headed analysis. Safe to say I am quite emotionally caught up in this issue. Hope everybody is staying safe and healthy during these crazy times.",3 "Hi guys, im going to see my therapist for the first time at friday morning. Any info that i should know? Thanks!",1 "you know what sucks? having pure ocd (the taboo shit) but also worrying that other people can hear your thoughts. and i know that ""they cant"" but my brain is like ""oh but what if theyre just not telling you bc it'd hurt your feelings"" and im just like {:\[",1 "I've seen many sad posts here and for this family I want you to know I care about you, I don't know any of your names, but we are brethren of trauma, we have to stick together, because not many understand. I want everyone here to celebrate any small victory you have today. Today I cried because I was making my nephew's bed(as I do every morning) and I realized the love I have for him, I didn't think I was capable of such feelings, and he is even the age of the boy who abused me when I was 7 but I know that I have to stay strong for him. Now tell me your today's victory (there is no win too small)!",3 "When people touch me in some way, I feel an intense mixture of disgust, anger, and hostility. I become very tense and just move away as best I can. I try not to show how I'm feeling because who feels threatened by something like a pat on the shoulder? On the other hand, I think about giving my friends hugs a lot, but I don't know how to give someone a hug without being awkward.",3 "So I’m currently on 1.5 mg of klonopin for the day, but I was wondering if taking my daily adderall would be okay. I’m really relaxed, but I need to focus in class today. Is this mixture bad ? Am I gonna feel horrible ? Any answers will help ! I know that the mix isn’t bad but I was wondering if the 1.5 dose of klonopin was too much for the adderall. Does anyone take this mixture ? If so how safe is it ?",0 "I’m never going to be good enough. Two years ago I effectively sabotaged the only friendship I ever had because of my mental issues, because I couldn’t control them and keep them contained. I fell in love with her too and I wanted the pain of her not loving me back as well as all the other pain I constantly feel drive me to a suicide attempt. Even still she supported me through it, she was the only one, even asked me to stay in the guest bedroom at her house for a few days to get me away from things for a while. It was the most cared about I’ve ever felt but now when I think of it, it just brings me pain. We don’t really talk much anymore. I’ve spent the time since contact fell away trying to get better, trying to fix myself, having this stupid thought in the back of my mind that somehow if I could just get well enough I could rekindle the friendship and everything would be good again. But it won’t. That will never happen. And even if it could, I’ll never be well enough for it. I was holding onto the hope that I can be cured completely, that if I put in the time I’ll be able to live and act like a completely normal person and no one will know about my past. But after researching the things I’ve been diagnosed with over the years (there are so many, Bipolar type 2, BPD, C-PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, anorexia, and probably some I’m forgetting) I’m realising that it’s never going to be like that. I’m always going to lose it from time to time. I’m always going to be unstable at best. I’m always going to have times where I’m completely crippled by my own thoughts and I’m not going to be able to explain how or why. Even my efforts to get in shape (again, stupid I know, but heavily motivated by wanting that girl to love me back or at least see that I’ve become much stronger physically and mentally) are mostly wasted. Sure I’ve managed to get into somewhat decent shape, even have a six pack for the first time in my life but it doesn’t make me feel good, it doesn’t matter. I’m still covered in scars, visible marks of shame all over my body. Some of the are so deep. They’re everywhere, all over my arm, my back, my chest, my thigh, my stomach. I hate seeing them, I’m so ashamed and I know that it doesn’t matter how much I work out, that will still be the first thing people notice. I wish I could remove them, it kills me to know I’ll never see my new body with the smooth and scar-free I used to have. I can never show people these scars, they’ll no immediately I got them because I wasn’t strong enough. My skin is a walking billboard to my own instability and tortured mind. It makes me sick. I find it so hard to meet people I can tolerate, I just can’t stand most people at all, they infuriate and disappoint me. Like I said, I’ve only ever had one real friend my whole life. And it just kills me to realise that I lost her because I couldn’t control myself and that despite my best efforts, I’ll never be able to prevent that side of me from creeping out in the incredibly unlikely event I ever do find another person like her. And once they see that, they’ll see I’m not who they thought I was, that I have nothing to offer, and they’ll leave. I’m so fucking lonely, but I can’t tolerate being around people. And as for the rare few I could tolerate, I can’t handle losing another person I love to my own fucking weakness. I just have nothing to offer anyone. Friends will get sick of my bullshit and leave. A girlfriend would see that I’ll never be stable enough to be able to support her properly or consistent enough to cause her anything but stress. The second I get intimate with her for the first time I’ll have to take off my shirt and she’ll see that everything about me up until that point was a lie, just a facade I put up because I didn’t want her to see how weak I’ve been, how broken I am on the inside. I’ll never be good enough and it’s just torture.",3 "It’s been almost 3 years since I got stuck inside my head. My life has completely changed since then. I remember I was so happy and full of life. Now, I’m just a guy who is just staying alive and letting time pass by. Sometimes its very hard to pass the time. It feels like I’m stuck somewhere and I cannot get outside. The things that made me happy before doesn’t work anymore. I make so many to do list and next day I don’t even look at the list. I check on my social media and see my friends posts and their stories, and I know not all of them is true but I feel they at least have something to fake and then I feel crap. There is not a single thing that excites me right now. The day just passes by without doing anything. I feel frustrated that I cannot even keep myself happy and busy. Life feels meaningless.",2 "Hey y'all. I'm a 19 year old college student who is currently about to start midterms. I just took a look at my Adderall today and realized ""oh shit, there's like three of these things"". This might be a problem since I got diagnosed in August, and have been taking them ever since I came to college. I live out of state, so it will be at least a couple of days until my parents can get my scrip and mail it to me. In the meantime, do y'all have any tips that could get me through this hectic week I'm about to encounter? For reference, I have things like Coffee and Caffeine dietary supplements that I figured might help me a little bit (probably not the healthiest). I didn't really feel that bad before I started medication but I'm worried that being off it without some support will send me into a spiral of dysfunction and depression or something. So in essence, please send help. Also I hope I'm not invalidating anyone else who can't get access to medication. I'm not trying to equate this to that, but I just don't know what I should do in this situation. I'm kinda fucked for midterms if I can't pull through.",0 "I mean, I'm unable to keep a job, to understand when I'm putting too much effort in something (socially, usually), to mind my own business, to accept criticism and so much more things that other people seems to do effortlessly. It would help to read people's shared experiences and how they overcame that problem. Edit: maybe ""old aspie, thats what I would tell my 20yo self"" stuff could similarly help? Everything on this line of thought is appreciated",3 "So I do notice an increase in attention when taking my meds. I also notice that when there is a negative thing in my life, or my other demons come to pay me a visit I also seem to get depressed easier. I've wondered about this and wondered if the meds help you pay attention, but this also means the negative stuff too. I've wondered if my un-medicated ADHD was a protective factor as I was able to distract myself and think less about the bad things I may be experiencing at the time. Anyone else noticed this or wondered about this?",0 "I (F19) just got the text that my Grandma, who was suffering with cancer and on deaths door, had passed. My mom and dad are at her house right now and I am having a fit. I don't know what to do. I can't control anything. I don't feel upset that she passed which I hate saying but I literally feel nothing in that regard. I do however feel intense panic and sadness when I think about my mother having to deal with this pain and me in the future losing her- My brain is spiraling with intrusive thoughts about what I can do to ' make it better ' ( Really just ocd saying hey control this please. control control control ) But I have no control. I can't control this or anything and I am freaking the hell out.",1 "I'm just sick of it all, I'm 17 fucking years old and it feels like every second lasts a day.I've been depressed my whole life, I haven't gotten help from anyone, when I asked my mom for help for the first time in my life but I was shouted at and told I had no respect for her. After that I felt that I don't have anyone anymore, but I met a girl with similar problems, we started talking, she took care of me, I felt wonderful and I felt that I finally have a purpose in life, I learned a lot from her and the fact that it can be considered as a simple teenage love and I will meet someone else, but two weeks ago she cheated on me with some guy.Until now I'm broken, the emptiness inside me kills me because I know that I don't trust anyone else, only her. I know that I don't trust anyone anymore, only her. Despite this, we continued to write and even arranged a meeting, but she stood me up, she apologized, but then everything was breaking inside of me, then she started posting pictures with her new boyfriend and how they kiss, then I realized that I feel that this is the end, everything lost its meaning, the passions that once drove me completely lost my attention. The person I was involved with for 3 years and we had a lot in common left me, my family doesn't give a shit about me, I don't have any friends.Nothing keeps me here anymore and anyone who thinks that maybe I'll find someone is wrong, I haven't and I never will, and I feel sorry for the rest of people like me, now I understand what it's like.Please, after what I want to do, people should finally understand that it destroys people and they need fucking help, any kind of help.Peace, love and empathy, please, just for fuck sake people need it.",2 all these instructive thoughts make me sick. i just want them gone and live a happy and healthy life.,1 "Typically, neuro-typical people start off young with a greater capacity to develop and learn new skills, and as the brain matures over time, this capacity is diminished as intelligence becomes crystallized, more contingent on learned experiences, so to speak. Has this tendency, or potential changes to such, been observed with people who have ADHD? My mother in her age still continues to learn new things at lightning speed, so I'm curious if our development circumvents this tendency. Does it even apply to us at all?",0 "I’m slightly on the spectrum, not enough for most to notice exactly what it is but enough for people to go ‘yeah he’s.. definitely different.’ Lol I’ve found another aspie via tinder and some really cool ppl on Taimi, but man, we really need our own dating app lol",3 "I started with 30 mg around 7AM in the morning. Then switched to 50 mg and started working again. It worked wonders but i felt that my girlfriend got the shit end of the stick as i would start to crash when i got home from work. Not optimal, so i talked to my psych who told me to experiment with a 30 mg booster. I take my booster at noon. It was fine the first two days, but then it started to turn sour. A lot of doubt, derealisation, anxiety and dark thought patterns. Not at all talkative. Some of this also happened when i was on 40 mg Ritalin XR, and was why i switched to Vyvanse (which was night and day in comparison - my main problem with the Ritalin was being overly irritable all the time, this has yet to happen on any dose of Vyvanse) So my question is to those of you who had to downgrade your dose. Because i suspect that is the issue. How did it feel when your dose was too high?",0 It’s weird idk if my empathy is gone because of this but I don’t get upset or feel anything anymore how do I get it back because everything feels fake like I’m living in a lie what if I am a psychopath and I’m using this as an excuse because the harm ocd feels like I want to act on my thoughts and I can’t tell if I’m afraid or if I like them because I don’t feel anxious Idk if it’s fantasies about harming people this bullshit all started just cuz I watched Jeffery dahmer ffs,1 "Tomorrow will be my first valentines day alone in like three years and I'm really dreading spending it alone. I didn't want to write this part but I feel like I have too, 14th was the day I was sexually assaulted by my old girlfriend 5 years ago so this is really hard to be alone. I'm my mothers carer and she's going to her boyfriends tomorrow so I have the day completely free. I think I'm just going to play Pokemon cards online, watch Netflix and eat a lot of food while I talk to someone I have a crush on who has no interest in me. I hope you all have a better day then I do. Love you all.",3 "I made a post here a couple days ago explaining how I found my Concerta's efficacy very inconsistent and today I think I discovered the problem and solution. I'd have good streaks where I felt the Med working all day then I'd have days where I felt like my brain was smooth and my mind was empty. On the smooth brain days, I'd see and hear things but still have trouble processing them and formulating a response on time. Today, it was a smooth brain day. I woke up, took my meds and washed it down with some cold brew before heading out for the day. I drove multiple hours, did some shopping, did more driving and put together some furniture but during all this, I found it nearly impossible to grip reality if that makes sense. I spent way too much time thinking about why this was happening and it was only until I started adding things up did it make sense. The night before, I slept like total shit and I woke up tired but the Concerta slightly aleviated the fatigue for the day but I still couldn't feel any of the focus I usually find with it. 2 hours ago, I took a caffeine pill just to test my theory and lo and behold; **I was just tired.** Now, whether or not the morning coffee and it's acid destroyed the pill, I'm still not sure but for the time being, I seem to have found a solution for my puzzling problem.",0 "i feel scared for absolutely no reason at times, and i feel ashamed, i have trouble even talking to SO about it because i feel like it won't make sense to him and i don't want to remind him of what happened to me because i feel gross about it. i either feel like it isn't real and didn't happen to me so i can dissociate from it or it suddenly feels so so so real all at once. this is just venting I can't talk to anyone about this in my life. thank you for listening",3 "This is a true story that happened on December 20, 2019 between 4 am and 6 am. I don't know who to tell, besides of course who already knows which is close family. I’m so scared of him trying it again when he gets out. I plan to talk to his doctor and psychiatrist asap on Monday. Since my girlfriend and I have dropped of clothes, toiletry items, and some crossword puzzles and such. I also left him a short note telling him I loved him and if he wants to, to call me. If anybody has any advice at all, prayers/positive thoughts, please do so. I am going to try and put this out here but my explaining of the night may be all over the place so I am sorry in advance. I (26m) was at walmart with my girlfriend christmas shopping around 3 am when I got a text from my brothers friend telling me my brother(22) has been sending weird texts. (Just to explain, my brother has never shown signs of being psychotic and has always seemed normal) ""I know my phone is tapped and everyone can read this right now, but I want you all to know that I love you all"" I immediately called him and he read me all of their messages. From the sounds of it he was on drugs and also had intentions of committing suicide. I immediately knew he was in a dark place from his texts, his head seemed very warped. (My sister (25) was diagnosed with schizophrenia at around the same age but seemed very normal before had a psychotic break) so I believed something similar may be happening. I told my girlfriend we had to go and we rushed to his house. He lives with his and my mom. The entire time I was alternating calls and texts to both of their phones. They were around 50 minutes away from where we were at. About 30 minutes into the drive my brother texts me back. He says ""Donald Trump better appreciate what im workin with here. Love all ya guys"" I sent 4 texts trying to get him to keep talking to me. He started texting me more and more. Saying things like ""I want to use a gun but cant even do that"" I tried to keep him texting me. I asked him if he wanted me to come over, as I was only 10 minutes from the house. He said "" nah love you guys"" then I started to panick and I got there as fast as I could and opened the door it was unlocked. Mom was sleeping on the couch started to wake up from us coming in. I rushed to the back room where he was. I tried opening the door but the door was blocked off with a bunch of stuff so I forced it open and a chair and bunch of things propped up against the door fell over. I saw him looking at me just staring. I said his name a few times. Trying to act calm. I told him I'm so sorry for barging in but that I was so scared he was going to hurt himself I felt like I had to. He just kept looking at me. He was laying on his bed. My girlfriend was trying to talk to him very nicely and concernedly. I sat down beside his bed trying to get him to talk to, but not overly where he may snap. He looked like he may snap any second. He just kept looking at me with an emotionless face. Eventually he started talking. He wasnt making any sense with what he was saying though. Talking about very random stuff, all very paranoid things. Then he snapped at my girlfriend and I asked my brother if he wanted her to leave the room and just let us talk. He said yes and she left the room. As she was leaving I asked him if we could put some light on so we turned the bathroom light on. I immediately started looking for weapons and drugs. I only saw a weed bowl. Him and I talked for about an hour. He had told me he smoked meth and had been up for about 3 days. He sounded like he was better. He seemed like he was coming to his senses, well, as much as he could at that moment. We agreed on a gameplan for him and that he needed to try and get some sleep. I believed him, I dont know why I did, but I just really did. He was very convincing. But he was not actually better. As I was about to leave my mom and girlfriend were out in the living room and my mom kept telling me he cant be left here he will kill himself. Its all hes talked about for the last month. I told her I thought he was OK and him and I had a gameplan. She told me he needed to go get treated, he was going to kill himself. We sat in there talking for about 4 or 5 minutes and something hit me like a brick in the gut. I knew he must be in the room listening to us talk and must be thinking we are talking about him, and man I rushed up and went back there so quick, he was back there crying and said "" so this is how \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ (sisters name) feels about how everyone gossips about her"" and I told him I had a feeling he was thinking that but we were only talking about him and our concern. Then I asked him if he would please come out and talk with us and that im sorry I didnt do that in the first place. He agreed and jumped out of his bed and came in and sat with us. We talked about driving him to a treatment facility. He didnt want to go. I tried not to pressure him into going to hard but instead explain to him how it may help him. He agreed to go. Then he said he wanted to wait for a few days. And I told him to please let us take him and it would be best for him. Then he agreed happily. I told him thank you. Told my girlfriend to make room in the car. Told my brother we would help him pack. I told him I was getting a bag for him and he said he was going to go ahead and get some stuff ready. This is getting harder and harder to type. So as I was looking for a big bag and asking my mom if she had one I turned to check on my brother real quick and I noticed his bedroom door was closed. I went back there gave a quick knock and slowly started opening the door. He was fumbling around in a bag or something I couldnt see well it was still a little dark. I turned the light on and he stood up and stood against the wall farthest from. He had one hand in his pocket but didnt think anything of it. I told him Im glad he decided to go and it was a good choice and started explaining why. I started walking a little closer, I think to maybe hug him or help him get started packing, I cant remember clearly. As I started walking he shouted ""STAY THE FUCK BACK JUST STAY THE FUCK BACK"" and then I saw his hand. He was holding a box cutter with the razor extended out. I put my hands up and backed up. I told him that he has my attention and I am not going to jolt at him or anything. I asked him to just talk to me. That this isnt what he should do. He told me why isnt it. This is what everybody wants. I told him that isnt true. That everyone loves him and cares for him. I told him to think about our sister who looks up to him. I asked him to put the blade down on the bed please so we can talk without that. My girlfriend started to come towards the room telling us she has the car ready. I told her to stay out we were talking and shut the door with my foot, trying not to move or take my eyes off of him. I told him not to worry that it was just him and I. His face was just complete emotionless, eyes dilated to the fullest. I was so scared for him. I tried to keep him talking. He wouldnt talk. He got silent. Then he said ""I've got to do this"" and put the razor to his wrist and sliced all the way up his forearm. Blood was pouring. I flew across the room and was screaming his name and screaming no as loud as I could as I started getting closer he looked like he was going to keep going. I simultaneously grabbed his wrist that had the box cutter and pushed him as fast and as hard as I could into the wall. I dug my shoulder into his chest and used both hands to pry out the box cutter and at miraculous timing my girlfriend was rushing in and i closed the blade and gave it to her while still holding him off. Told her to get rid of it and to call an ambulance as I glanced at his gash on his arm. I noticed there was not blood spewing out so I knew immediately that was a good sign that he missed his major artery. He just stood there still, frozen. I think he had believed he had killed himself. I checked his pockets and found a single bullet. I tossed it across the room to try and remove it from the situation. I knew he had guns accessible in the room, I just didnt know where. I told him to sit down in the bathroom. We began wrapping his wrist up, held it above his head and squeezed it, waiting for the ambulance. He said ""you guys really do love me"" but in a very twisted tone. It felt, not genuine. maybe it was and I was just in shock from everything. But I told him I love him more than he knows and my girlfriend told him too. We sat there for a few minutes. Suddenly out of nowhere he tries to burst up and with all my might in my body I slammed him into the wall and screamed the loudest ive ever screamed at him to sit down and that he was not going to kill himself if i can help it. I knew he was going to go for a gun he had in his room. I was very scared because my brother is bigger than I am and I felt that there may be a chance he could overtake me. So the strength that came to me was none other than I've ever experienced in my life and I am so grateful that I could hold him down in that moment. I tried to keep him talking when we heard the sirens arrive. He said it was the police and I told him that is was just the ambulance to make sure hes not going to die from his gash. Although he was right, it was the police that came in first. Then when he came into the bathroom I was so relieved. The cop tried talking to my brother while we worked together to put temporary bandages until the first responders arrived. My brother, again, became aggressive and started to attack the cop. I knew immediately he was trying to get the cop to shoot him. As soon as he began attacking the cop I launched onto my brother and began choking him. I was in such fear the cop would shoot him. I was hoping in that split second the cop would see we had control over him and he did as we took him to the ground together then cuffed him. I kept my arms around his neck. He was fighting us hard. I told him I am so sorry and that I am only doing this because I love him and do not want him to die. The first responders got there and then gave him a shot to knock him out. He was taken to the hospital shortly after he was declared by court order to go to a rehab facility for 72 hours.",3 "I wrote all the following in real time as I saw it, so it’s very minutia-ish, but if anyone here is super into it to the point of basically knowing every scene, that could really help! Having said that… - So the “sisters”, as Red called them, were beating Andy up because they were gay? Or homophobic? Or both? - Did all the others collect rocks just because Red told them to, or because they also appreciated/respected Andy for taking Bogs down? - A minor point, but were people laughing at the guy whom they told found excrement instead of rocks because his breaking it open and smelling it was proof that he was bad at finding rocks, or that he was gullible and fell for the others’ claim? - Why would the request for more books be so hard to sell? Wouldn’t tax payers see it as speaking good of the prisoners’ interest in redemption? - On a somewhat meta level, is Andy’s increasing help with taxes played off as the others growing to genuinely appreciate him, or just the others figuring out they could coldly use him for their own benefit? Likewise, is Andy’s compassion throughout also just a calculated (no pun intended) way to keep himself safe/on everyone’s good side? - Why did they have to hide all the letters about the library request from the guards? And why were there so many of them? Had Brooks been hiding them…? - Just, what was going on with that entire vignette about the Italian record that Andy rigged over the loudspeaker? I mean, I get the larger message in what Andy explained after he got out of the hole, but I don’t understand who he locked in the bathroom and why he got in trouble. - Hang on, is Norton above everyone else in rank? Was he even a fellow prisoner or just a guard? Like, was he the equivalent of a teacher or a student TA? - So, “Mr. Stephens”. Is Andy saying that there was an actual person on the outside with that name? Are the drivers license, birth certificate, etc. all linked to different people with that name? (Guess that conjecture is just coming from having recently seen *Memento*, haha.) And if there isn’t someone with that name in prison, then Red is right — how could there be any outcome other than correctly accusing Andy of identity theft? - Thomas’ testimony still does nothing to clarify for me whether Andy was innocent or if the former just put the story together. Because I mean, doesn’t it make sense that he’d only hand over a perfect story a la Oedipus Rex after he heard the details about Andy’s conviction? - Whether or not Thomas was telling the truth, I still don’t understand why he was shot. - Oh, okay, so Norton and the warden were two different people. Got it. Meh, face blindness sucks. I don’t know, maybe being too focused on details is an Asperger’s thing in and of itself. But it’s hard for me to like a movie that just made me feel stupid for several straight hours.",3 "Long story short my insurance is changing and I will probably have to find a new doc. I don’t like to change docs as an adult with ADHD I feel like going to ask for meds like I will be judged but I’ve been treated for it since I was a kid. Anyways, I always see ads for like cerebral and other online services for adhd. Does anyone have experiences with these? Has it been a smooth process being evaluated and getting a prescription? Has it been affordable?",0 "I'm not going to kill myself, but I'm don't want to live because I'm so worn down from dealing with PTSD. If I tell my therapist, I don't want to be dismissed as mentally unstable, medicalized, or treated as a danger - which has happened in the past when I didn't do a good job of explain myself. How have you approached this topic with therapists, and what has been effective?",3 "Title really sums it up, but I just wanted to reach out to the community for a little support. I've been struggling with mild depression for over a year now, primarily centered around fear of death, existential crisis-type feelings, etc. I've seen a therapist off and on over the last year for it (currently seeing one now). My family very suddenly lost my 73-year-old mother last week to a heart attack, and its been tough on everyone. I'm lucky enough to have an amazing support system of family, friends, and my incredible fiancée. But sometimes it's just not quite enough. Most of my friends and family are several states away, back home in California (I'm in Colorado) and while I'm traveling back home to see them all next week, I just feel like I could use a little outside support and encouragement. It's never easy losing a loved one, let alone when it's so sudden. Add to that my already heavy struggle with the idea of death, and it feels crushing at times.",2 "I try to look as masking as still a form of who I am or an adaptation, perhaps. Yet I still can't help but feel like an artist who's work gets praised and yet nobody notices or wonders about the man behind those works of art. Even with my SO, I mask constantly. I have changed my voice, so it sounds more appealing and less monotone. I have bitten my tongue in order to prevent myself from asking too many questions or reasoning in a way that is not socially acceptable. When I'm alone, and I take off the mask, I realize nobody really loves me for who I am. While it isn't a huge issue, since my personality is vibrant throughout my work… I can't help but want to feel the joy and connection of if people had to pick someone to be around that they would pick me for who I am.",3 "You are your own person. Your OCD does not control you. Your OCD doesn't have any *real* power unless you let it have power. Starve it. Let it shrivel up and rot. Kill it with willpower and confidence. Love yourself for who you are and don't let OCD tell you otherwise. You didn't touch that little girl. Your hand slipped. Just like millions of hands do each day. That man/woman you argued with who was a different race than you doesn't think you're racist. We all argue. Do you believe all races are equal and all races are beautiful? If so, you aren't racist. Your family members aren't going to die. It's all in your head. You just want them to be safe. You love them. But they aren't going to die. You don't need to check and see if that stove or light switch is off again. It's the way you left it, you didn't forget to turn it off. It's off. OCD has no physical manifestation. Everything you worry, obsess, or think about is all in your mind. You can do this guys. I believe in you. Like I said, starve that son of a bitch OCD. It needs you to exist. If you ignore it, it will starve. I know it's easier said than done, but it *must* be done.",1 "I have found lately that I can’t handle TV shows that aren’t something like South Park or something else equally dumb (no hate on South Park - it’s my favorite!!) Like my partner and I were watching a drama show and we’ve stopped because it was giving me too much anxiety. But then I can listen to true crime podcasts with little problem as long as I’m doing something to keep myself busy. Am I just losing my mind???",3 "TW: George Floyd’s murder, abuse, police violence, rape. I know I shouldn’t. I have avoided it since it happened. But I have to. I am a white woman from somewhere in Northern Europe. Every time I see the pic of that disgusting piece of shit standing on George’s neck, I get anxiety. I was choked twice two years ago. First time, I had sex, from behind, thought I fell asleep. Thought it was strange that I couldn’t breathe while stars in different colors flashed and white noise was in my ears. I couldn’t breathe, thought “wow am I dying? Why are there stars?” Suddenly I’m back on that couch and hearing a whisper in my ear: “sssshhh sååja”. I was completely dry. Feeling him inside of me. Still, told it as a funny story the day after. “Haha I fell asleep during sex he was so bad ahahahaha”. It happened again, June 5th. I know the date bc it was the date before our flag day which is a national holiday, so I was gonna go out and drink and my parents would watch my kid. It happened again. This time I saw his face. Then stars and static. Then dryness and pumping and “sssshhh sååja”. I’ve been raped before. It’s nothing new to me. I’ve even beaten up a rapist once. But that feeling of not being able to breathe...he did it while constricting the blood flow to my head, not the “normal strangulation”. Idk what I did while I was out. Idk why he was saying “sssshhhh”. I only know that I thought I was dead. Everytime I read George’s last words I feel him choking me again. Everytime I see That Fucking Picture with the man on his neck I feel dizzy and remind myself to breathe in a square. I remember other instances of being mistreated by police. Waking up in a cell, feeling my legs kick, hearing “SLUTA SPARKA” from a man, quickly laying down and stopping my fight. Waking up to “we’re gonna report you for resisting arrest”, asking why a man undressed me, it got written off. Going to the bathroom some hours later and seeing all the bruises around my genitals. What happened? I have to watch the film. I don’t want to, but I have to, so I can move on. I’m safe, I have my Propranolol and blankets and nail polish (to focus if I start to lose myself). I don’t want to watch a murder, but I have to, because the father of my child tried to murder me, because police men have hurt me, I have to FEEL and PROCESS I know it’s stupid. I know this is a shit ton of triggers. I’m sorry. I just have to share with someone before I start the vid. TL;DR Almost died on my back, have to feel. I’m sorry.",3 "Anxiety is being invited to a party months prior, getting up, washing 3x, dressing, going to the shop, taking your time to buy the most expensive cake and prosecco, going to the venue, getting through the first set of doors.........then freaking out and leaving without seeing anyone. Then calling a friend, getting her to stop by yours before she gets there to take your gift and lie for you by saying I had to work (night shift, I'm a nurse). Then, spending the evening beating yourself up for missing yet another event, ruminating on what they're doing, what they're talking about and the memories they're making without you. Knowing it's just a matter of time till everyone finally stops inviting you to things. Then of course walking home leaves you even more freaked because your PTSD makes you jump at every loud noise out there and its fireworks season. Anxiety is a thief of experience.",3 "Hey guys! So I just finished my appointment a few minutes ago with my psychologist whom I’ve been seeing for a few months. She says I have an anxiety disorder…. more specifically OCD (surprise but not surprised haha). I exhibit the traits rather than the disorder itself (as it’s not interfering significantly with my functioning atm, though it does when it happens). Everything in my youth makes sense now, from the ‘self sabotaging’ to the endless nights crying, to ruminating after school. About time after so many years. Damn. Just wondering what resources y’all’s have? What has helped you all? Lots of love 🤍",1 "For 3 years my pet rat's were my reason to keep going because I knew if I didn't love them then no one would and they made me so happy. In the summer 3 of my 4 died due to sickness and age, but this morning my last fur baby passed away at almost 3 years old. She was the least affectionate and I was always scared she never loved me because she was skittish and never liked to be touched. The past few months she became a snuggle bug and always wanted to be with me, she loved kisses and pets and she was so sweet. I feel so broken now that they're all gone and now I don't have the emotional support they provided me with, I'm alone and have no one now. It hurts so much and now my reason to keep going is gone....",2 "So yesterday all of the sudden I started to get a thoughts like “ am I trans” or “am I non binary. These happens very sudden as my whole life I’ve been very confident that I was a guy. In the past I have had some problems with ocd, like I just got over HOCD, and 2 moths ago I think as having ocd about hair loss. Note that none of these have been professionally diagnosed ocd, but I got over them like it was just a phase. I also did research about ocd and this is sounding a bit like it.",1 "I canno0t talk with people because i have nothing totalk about. When i try to talk they got bored easily because i cannot talk about some topics they like. Even in underrated hobbies or interest, somehow i can still choose the underrated of the underrated and even got excluded in an underrated community. When im trying to do my hobbies that requires skills (music producing, writing Webnovels, etc... nobody understands me thats why nobody appreciates me. I feel all alone in this world. I just want to escape from this fucking reality and reborn in a world where i can talk with everyone without people telling me ""whats that? I've never heard of it"" I dont have any friends or girlfriend and stuff and even my sister doesnt respect me because how boring and uninteresting i am. Nobody really wants to talk to me. Nobody actually listens to me even in online places and communities. I just feel like im all different from all of the society goddammit. What do i do? What should i do?",2 "Agh agh, I cannot seem to maintain a happy medium, I either cannot share anything vaguely private, or I burden someone with too much information. If I have overshared, is it better to just pretend nothing happened, or apologize and ask them to forget what I said and not to worry?",3 "I’m an 18 year old female and spent all of November and December with serotonin syndrome. I was in the emergency room three times and couldn’t eat- losing about 15 pounds- or walk for a week, and don’t remember much of that month. I was nonstop shivering and twitching (with a semi-seizure at one point), unbelievably anxious, and nauseous. I tried to spend as much time as possible asleep, ending up sleeping for about 15 hours each day. I had to stop all of my meds (sleep, anxiety, depression) abruptly and went through withdrawal at that time as well. What I’m saying is that it was the worst time of my life, and when it’s not freaking me out, I’m glad I don’t remember a lot of it. However, I’m having dreams where I’m sick again and whenever I start shivering from being cold, I can’t stop shaking for hours. I can’t figure out why other than that maybe my body is thinking I’m going through that trauma again. I feel like I should be over this experience right now and feel dumb for still thinking about it and making it a bigger deal than it is. Any ideas for why I’m always shaking? or if I should be over it by now? Edit: I can’t start my sleep med or anti-depressant again for awhile, but I’m taking my anxiety medication.",3 "if theres a more specific place to post this pls direct me!! new here Hey, got diagnosed a little over a year ago and have tried a couple different meds since then with not very satisfactory results… adderall made me feel super wacky. now im on 40mg metadate ER in the morning and 20mg in the afternoon/evening. the 20mg is supposedly to make the crash less drastic but as far as i can tell it does nothing. i almost would rather not be on meds but i dont get shit done if i dont take them. but when it wears off i feel SO down and unmotivated and miserable… just wondering if this gets better with time or if there’s anything that’s helped yall get thru? thanks!",0 "I have nobody to talk to, I need help. I'm very confused and lost she part of me and we lived together and everything came crushing down in a single week. I have been feeling like we broken up a long time ago but I couldn't ever even fanthom her leaving my life because we became so close at one point and been through so much. This is the message I wanted to sent her but never done. A is me M is her. Me and M had an argument over the text and in the end we both summarized all of our thoughts into mera and I saying respectively that ""I don't love you anymore"" and I said ""I'm done lying to myself anymore"". In the past 9 days she has been home for 4 days and out of those 4 days she has been home I been home for 2 days together with her for 4 ish. On day 1 we watched a movie cuddled and had sex, and then we had a stupid fight and she slept on the couch. Day 2 flowers died so I bought her a new ones day before than because she wasn't home, and when I came home she didn't even say anything about the flowers or anything in general, even barely I Hi. I told her ""why can you just ask me how my work was, how I feel, cute flowers I noticed"" or anything. I have been re getting the flowers each time they come close to withering.2 months.at one point I had 15$ and I spent 13$ on flowers to make her smile. In those remaining day she has not been home, she been with her mom and kids which she goes to all the time(3,5 times a week sometimes)for 3 days spread out across the week, and one of the remaining 2 days she went to a party and got drunk even tho before she left I told her I don't feel safe her getting drunk after we got In another argument when she said ""are you gonna be mad if I get druuuuunkkk at the party?"" To which I said are you actually gonna get drunk to which she said ""why? Are you gonna tell me not to? You can't tell me no"" I didn't say no or anything, she never gets drunk that why I got surprised and asked her if she is serious. After that she got even more heated and situation escalated into her locking the doors as she was switching between them from fixing her hair to changing clothes. In the past 1.5 months she told she was going to a party for the first 3 Fridays she was telling me she was going to a party to which she told me she never went to. I never even been invited to any of those, even those its litteralt public club not like super close beasties only. I did cry, and I did have multiple panic attacks meanwhile. Day after club she shows me pictures of her before and after and I was holding my tears back coz I know what alcohol does. She never said anything about it and I tried asking her about the party how it went and etc, to try to move on but she would respond with none of your bussines and similar responses. Yesterday she told me she is going to rosis dinner and also not coming home because her mom needs to watch the kids that night. I told her I missed her and wanted her to be here. She told me she can't her mom needs her. We left it off on that. Today, I got off work and call her ask her where she is because when I was passing by her work, and the truck wasn't there so she must have a day off and home since she is done with dinner and was watching kids yesterday. But she told me today that she been lazy all day and haven't went to her mom's place yesterday to watch the kids even know she told that's what she will be doing and that why she had to say no to me asking her to stay. And then we had an argument where I told her I need to talk and see her and she told me the same so I told her I will go to rosis place but she said no, because she is busy and has to see and watch kids at 6pm. We started texting at 4 50 ish. I told her I will come and have my car parked close while her truck has to idle otherwise it litteraly doesn't move. She said no to it and that we will talk when she gets home, to which I asked when I she told me she doesn't know. We had a fight escalate again where she started getting mad saying that she doesn't wanna do it over yhe text to which I said, do you wanna break up and then I texted her that I'm done lying to myself about her loving me and I'm done and ready to finish yo which she sent me a message saying that she hasn't felt like a girlfriend because of me and that she doesn't love anymore(2 separate messages). I told her we gotta talk in person and she said no, stop bothering me A, and ""I'm gonna turn off my phone bye"" but right before it she said whe will be home later on. I miss her and love and I feel so fucking lonely In the past 9 day she has borrow 750 dollars so far out of which I spend 230 on the groceries for a house. And those 230 she was supposed to withdraw as a cash 2 days beforehand, but her card was lost for a week or so in my car so she took my cards and told me I'm not getting them if she doesn't have her card. I went and searched my car and found her card in the passenger cup holder under her drink that she drank when we went to Wendy's during lunch.",2 "My mom wouldnt let me go out meet friends or anything of that sort and neither would she take me out. Ive spent most my life at home and now all of a sudden my parents are making fun of me because i want to stay at home. When i was a kid i also wanted to go out,have fun,meet friends but i was never allowed to so i just had to adapt to sitting at home i never liked sitting at home but i had no other choice.Now that desire has died, I prefer staying in the house and rotting. Ive reached a point where i wouldnt care if all my friends left me and went. My parents have always body shamed me and then they ask me why i dont dress properly, why im so insecure. Its almost like im subconsciously scared that my mom will yell at me for doing something which is totally normal but she would have a problem with it. My parents act like i was always like this and theres no fault of theirs for the way i am. My mom says im her only friend but thats only because im listening to her bullshit and not saying anything whether shes right or wrong. If i would have to tell her my problems she would just blame me or social media. My mom has had pretty tough time herself so i feel guilty for blaming her.All this sounded better in my head. I really dont know how to say this any better.",2 "I love to wear long sleeve shirts, but with the sleeves rolled up my forearms. It's like having to sleep with some sort of blanket or sheet covering me no matter the temperature. I will wear short sleeve t-shirts, but almost always wind up wearing a jacket or hoodie JUST TO ROLL THE SLEEVES UP! anyone else out there feelin this?!",3 "Just a disclaimer: I’m not trying to undermine the devastation caused by the pandemic and the physical suffering that goes with it. But I just want to say that in my opinion, having OCD is a thousand times worse than having the virus. Why? Because for OCD there seems to be no end in sight. The attention given to COVID is way more than that of mental health and illnesses. The suffering of the people with the virus is validated and recognised, but those of us who battle OCD, depression or any other mental health issues often have our invisible (and visible) sufferings cast aside, ignored or even scoffed at. Our cries for help go unheard. If anything, if I can just get COVID and die from it and not experience OCD anymore, I would gladly take it. Like I said, really no disrespect to those who got COVID or even have obsessive fears of getting any health issues. I wanna say this out of desperation and despair. No matter how much my dad tells me that I can recover, I really hate that I don’t have the faith to believe or claim it. It’s just so tough…",1 "I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety when I was 11 years old due to severe childhood trauma. It got worse after that (since then my mother passed away, I have been r\*ped 3 times, and been in an abusive relationship) and when I was 17 my depression was upped to severe depression and I was seeking treatment for potential C-PTSD. Eventually, I couldn't afford it so I stopped. I am now 19 years old, in college, and for a while there it was getting a lot better. I thought moving out of my dad's house and being on my own would make it better, and for a while it did. In March of this year I found out an old friend of mine was single (we'll call him Nate, 28m) and decided to ask him on a date. I was in a good place, had been single for a long time, and felt like I had done a lot of healing since my previous abusive relationship. I figured that it wouldn't hurt to see how it would go. It went really well. We had the foundation of having known each other through mutual friends and discovered we had a lot in common. We started hanging out all of the time, going on dates, hooking up. He hung out with my friends and became a huge staple in my life really quickly. I was happy. Nate is a very gentle, emotional, sweet man who was always there to help me cope with trauma and I was doing a lot of healing. After being r\*ped in my sleep, I couldn't sleep next to men, but he helped me get comfortable with that. Since I was a kid, I would get nervous looking men in the eyes and standing up for myself. It was never like that with him. We had a really fun, healthy, passionate relationship with one another. But in early May, I had a total meltdown. I was working at a truck stop, I was the only woman and the youngest person employed there and one day one of my male coworkers started screaming at me and tried to put his hands on me. I walked out of my job and fell into a deep, deep hole. Since then, I have been having increasingly frequent meltdowns. I started self harming again and became depressed all of the time. Come this week, Nate broke up with me and it was really hard. He was very emotional the whole time and made it clear it was something he didn't want to be doing but something he felt like he had to do. We didn't see each other for a few days until last night. Last night he came over, I don't entirely know why. He told me I should go to therapy. He said that things would have been different if I had gotten help, because watching me have trauma meltdowns and panic attacks all of the time was bad for him and he couldn't help me. I scheduled an appointment. It was a huge wake up call for me. Hearing someone I loved and who did nothing but good things for me tell me that leaving trauma undealt with was hurting him fucked me up pretty bad. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I just wasn't ready to take that step, I needed that push. I just wish it didn't take destroying a relationship that meant a lot to me for me to realize that my trauma goes deeper than I thought it did. One meltdown at work may have just cost me one of the best people I've ever met. I'm glad I'm taking this step, but I needed to tell someone how bad it hurts having to do it like this.",3 "It feels like it’s outside of normal everyday person shyness, like I physically can’t do anything that would risk me looking stupid in front of people (dancing, singing, public speaking, meeting new people, etc.) just almost survival level type of avoidance of doing anything out of my comfort zone. I’m kind of tired of living like this, it doesn’t feel natural. Anyone else?",3 "So today I got up a little later than usual, but I mostly adhered to my normal morning routine, i.e. getting up --> stumbling to the toilet --> afterwards washing my hands --> swallowing my wellbutrin --> cooking coffee --> take a seat at my desk with my coffee --> start reading some news .... at this point I usually take one of my Elvanse(Vyvanse) pills out of the bottle, put it right next to the mousepad, and as soon as my coffee has cooled down enough, I pop the pill with a sip of cold coffee and walk to the kitchen to get me some breakfast. Well, somehow I got distracted and now I couldn't tell for sure if I already took the pill, even if my life would depend on it. I remember that I was thinking about getting it out of the bottle, but it could also be that this was the exact moment when I got distracted (by a really cool youtube channel btw) so now I'm sitting here... Already counted the remaining pills but this didn't help either cuz I don't remember when I started the bottle or if I forgot to take one during the last weeks. Guess I'll have to wait if I start feeling the meds kicking in or not >.< Luckily it's the weekend... ​ EDIT: 2 hrs later, I'm quite sure now that I took it :)",0 "Don't do this at home. Basically, I figured out that I can use OCD to my advantage. I already have a self-made rule that I cannot cum while looking at my new phone. I just cannot. I used to spend a lot of time trying to get my old phone with poor battery to work so I could cum. OCD just kicked in and I couldn't cum with the new phone. In the end, I ended up just watching porn on a new phone and then putting it away before I cummed. My porn addiction got pretty bad, so I decided to force my OCD to work to my advantage. I painted the walls and I made a rule that I can't cum in this room because of new color of walls. I just couldn't, it's stronger than me. Now when I have to masturbate, I must go out to the toilet (which isn't easy when other locators are around), and then put away my phone before cumming. That kind of reduced my porn usage, especially in the morning when I used to turn to this sick addiction almost every day. Now I can't just masturbate half-asleep, I have get out of my room because the walls are painted and it wakes me up and I end up making breakfast or something instead. Unfortunately I didn't make it a rule not to watch porn in a new room, just not to cum. So I sometimes end up blueballed when I can't masturbate in toilet because there's 7 other people in the family house. That was originally supposed to be a rant about how trying to cheat OCD is a stupid thing, but now I don't know. Have you ever tried something like this? Forcing your OCD to make you follow a certain rule?",1 "This was prompted by multiple breakdowns and panic attacks witnessed by my discord friends. They told me I needed to seek therapy, which I thankfully started doing so. I've been putting it off for years now. After some introspection, I realized I might have OCD, like my uncle. Main difference is that his manifests in obsessive organization iirc while mine, looking at my past and current behaviors, manifests in me worrying that I made someone mad, that people hate me, that people on the internet are out to get me and cancel me and then ruin my irl life... things like that that results in me near constantly seeking reassurance via dms or doomscrolling as well as endlessly apologizing and making whatever situation I'm in worse. It's even manifested in me obsessing over the book of Revelations when I was still religious in early college, and this resulted in numerous anxiety episodes and a panic attack in late 2012 and early 2013, plus a similar anxiety episode in the March 11, 2011 doomsday prediction that left me staying up until midnight to make sure the world wasn't ending. What's worse is that I've been partaking in fandoms on tumblr over the course of 7 years to the point where I ended up addicted to scrolling through social media, and I had to delete Tumblr, Twitter, and Discord as a result of these sites' effects on my mental state, triggering these obsessive anxiety ridden thoughts and all. It's way too easy to doomscroll through fandom blogs and tags and make my symptoms worse. I'm amazed at the amount of people having similar issues as me. I never really had a way to describe how I was feeling until now other than the fact I had anxiety issues if not an outright anxiety disorder. My therapy assessment is early next month and I'll make sure to mention this to the therapist. So... guess I'm starting my journey to getting better after all these years.",1 "Here i am, lonely and thinking of how im turning 29 next august, still no girlfriend.....depressed have no friends due to literally cutting 90% of them off due to being selfish, toxic which only makes things even lonlier and worse. I havent been going out because i just havent found my social hobbies yet (but i plan on going to the ones that i genuinely like such as EDM shows, car meets and anime meets). For some reason i keep comparing myself to a girl (online) i dont even know or ever met. Shes the asian gangster type who parties alot and goes to raves/clubs, wears skimpy outfits and pretty much kissed and been with alot of guys. Seems she wasnt always like this, she made a post mentioning about getting cheated on and even abused during the entire 4 year relationship she was in, and it seems as if her currenty lifestyle is a might be a way to distract and protect herself from another bad relationship.",2 My ruminating has become so consistent and it causes my DPDR to flare up. I’m in a state of mind where I can’t even convince myself my thoughts aren’t true. So they just sit and float around in my mind. I hate this shit so much.,1 "I just want to cry. I’ve made it through the entire pandemic so far without getting sick and I’m vaccinated. So of course I get covid during my first semester of finals. I have worked so freaking hard this semester and now it all feels like it’s for nothing because I feel too fatigued to study, even when taking my adderall. 100% of each class grade comes down to the final exam. I reached out to the Dean but honestly they weren’t that helpful. It doesn’t really matter if I can defer my exams if I’m too exhausted to study.",0 "So there's something I realized about myself and something I also find very annoying, it's that I have a hard time understanding things unless people specify what they're trying to say. So for example, a few days ago, my manager at work told me to make revisions, but I couldn't specifically understand what he's referring to and I ended up making a lot of mistakes. There's also that when members of my family are asking me for help, I become confused and I do something else which is only specific to what they said. Is anyone like this? I feel like I lack common sense and I don't know what to do about it.",0 "So I’m on guanfacine for my adhd, just guanfacine nothing else besides trying to sleep enough abs eat high quality food. I was wondering if any guanfacine takers have ever taken a gay off of it and noticed a difference, I know ppl on stimulants take a day off and can definitely see a difference but is it the same for guanfacine? Since like it doesn’t really act immediately? Idk maybe I’m wrong, I just want to remember what my regular behavior and attention is like lol. Guanfacine works miracles for me though!",0 Hey everybody. I just want all of you to know that this group has helped support me in knowing I am not alone in my daily struggles with my mental health. Especially when it comes to doing simple tasks and it feeling so hard to even start them. This sub has helped me laugh about it instead of being depressed. You all motivate me all the time. Love you.,0 "I don't really think I have depression, but whenever I sit down and really think about how life has been going for the past few years, it really makes me depressed and realize how harsh reality really is. It feels like nothing has been going right for the past 4 years. Not in my education, not in my family matters, not even between my parents or my entire family in general. I am just turning 21 soon and I know I am still young but does it really need to be this hard? I don't realize the reality around me mainly because I always try to occupy myself and try to not think about it too much but sooner or later it catches up to me. I just feel like a mess and look like a mess and feel like I am falling behind in everything compared to my friends. Just felt like venting about this stuff somewhere since I am not really open to talk about stuff like this with my family or friends so here I am on this reddit typing my heart out.",2 "36M High functioning/support living with parents, employed, yet perpetually, and probably will forever be, chronically poor, thankful but poor. Have worked for 10+ years, average salary almost 4g a month. Apart from my phone and health insurance, have no other bills, am overweight so I spend a lot on food, have dinner with parents, buy lunch at work, buy own clothes, toiletries etc. Have own computer and a crap ton of hard drives (proud member of subreddit data hoarder) if you need to know where most of the money goes to new drives or computer repairs. It’s never my intention to spend what I make, but every month, most of paycheck goes to paying of my credit card, the rest I spend, and the cycle continues. Have saved this year due to COVID but if it wasn’t for that… One final thing, got made redundant from last job in 2018, and put my whole payment into a wealth management company (that has done pretty well) So I don’t think I am completely screwed. I don’t have any way of a second income or side hustle (I don’t have time) bitcoin (and everything related confuses the hell out of me) and I am always anxious about money because living with my parents, is the equivalent of keeping up with the joneses. Any money advice would help, other than being told to stick to a budget, because that has not worked.",3 "It’s my birthday pretty soon and I realized recently that I can’t remember the last time I looked forward to my birthday. When I was in middle/high school, a running gag I had was that I’d either live to 100 or die before I’m 30. Well, 30’s around the corner, and I have nothing to show for it. I have no prospects because anything I’ve ever wanted to do for a living is unrealistic, untenable, and/or unsustainable. I have no long term goals because having long term goals implies wanting to be alive long enough to see them happen. I have a hard enough time just wanting to get through life one week/month at a time. I can barely pay my rent and bills on my own and yet I’m fairly sure if I got a second or even third job I’d be even more perpetually exhausted, isolated, and miserable than I already am. I’m tired all of the time no matter what I do. I’m out of shape, my diet is terrible, I eat like crap and even though I’m trying to cut down on my drinking that’s not helping much. I don’t cook for myself because I’m a fucking coward who can’t work gas appliances without breaking out in a cold sweat, and every time I’ve asked for advice on how to get over this hurdle I’ve been told to just “get over it you pussy”. Any of my attempts to do something creatively purely for myself or genuinely express myself keep getting “intercepted” for lack of a better word by my parents and family, so I constantly have to make sure that whatever I make or do or say is something they would approve of, otherwise I’ll get hit with the inevitable “I’m not mad I’m just disappointed/I don’t want other people to think less of you/you know future employers can see this, what would they think” call or message, even though they regularly tell me not to worry about what other people think about me or what I do. Dating’s not gonna happen anytime soon either because I don’t deserve that kind of happiness, and I would just be wasting their time until they remember they could do better. Meanwhile, many of my friends are getting/have gotten married and starting families. I wasn’t invited to any of their weddings. I don’t know why I would’ve expected to be, though, now that I think about it, why would anyone want me around on the happiest day of their lives just to make things worse. I’m a terrible friend, a disappointment of a son, I have no future, I barely exist in my present, and try as I might there’s so much of my past that keeps dragging me down into despair. I just want to sleep until I don’t wake up.",2 "It just feels like I'm floating in space. Or like my mind/soul isn't in my own body, but outside it. I feel empty. My head slightly hurts.",2 "After 3 years I have left depression behind, due to much help from my best friend. I started to have feelings again, I was no longer affraid to open up. In the past few weeks, I have lost my trust for my best friend, because he fucked me over and now he acts like I am the one that should appologize. I am lost once again, and find survival only in my work, as luckily I am finally doing something I love. I feel lonely and realised that my depression is back along with m ly suicidal thoughts. I don't know why I am writing, I just wanted to tell someone this as right now I have no one to talk to about this",2 "I've had a bad day every single day for 3-4 weeks straight. I'm constantly angry and tired, tired of being so angry and angry about being so tired, I hate life and existing, I've been skipping school just to lay in bed, been eating all wrong and sleeping badly and altogether not doing anything as I've been told. Any time I say anything to anyone about it, everyone - my therapist included - goes ""idk maybe the ADHD medication will help"" and offer nothing else that'd help. Does it? Does it really fix everything? Is there a pill that I can take that'll magically fix everything in my life and make me a happy, healthy, functional member of society, in such a way that it'd be useless to try anything else while we all twiddle our thumbs and wait for my diagnosis? For legal and medical reasons this is a satirical joke, but I swear to god if after all this time the meds are not the magic cure for everything that they've been hyped up to be, I am going to do something destructive and regretful.",0 "Sorry OCD, you’re not winning. I am loved and deserve love. My friends and family love me. Sorry that I’m not giving into your schemes.",1 "I just called them. Someone that sounded very young, answered... maybe 30 years my junior (not her fault, it might speak more to the type of people they allow bc ofbudget, etc , probably very inexperienced, that they have answering the phone.). She was straightforward ... in agreeing that prevention centers and treatments was were far. Yet nothing. Honestly it sounded I was talking to my teenage niece. She meant well I'm sure but completely inexperienced. She seemed unsure of what she was talking about oh, she mentioned one type of therapy I'd already tried but then when I pressed her for other options nothing,. Again nothing against this poor young woman that probably means well it just speaks to the organization. I should not called. I was wondering if anyone else got the same experience. Too much close what you get with an experienced therapist...just the minimum amount of Interest or experience to actually help you. Any other Alternatives anyone can share the for people in need?",2 "My 13 YO daughter has been on concerta since summer. She has ADHD-pi. She has executive function disorder. She is doing awesome and even is interested in extracurricular activities and got the lead in the Xmas play. She can focus more and seems to be more aware of due dates and schedules than she ever has been. She also finds her classmates more annoying when they are disruptive. I left town for a few days and she forgot to take her med for a couple days and then resumed. She said she now thinks the irritability with her classmates is a med side effect. Does this mean she should stay on it and learn to cope, lower the dose, increase the dose, or change meds? She doesnt take her meds on the weekend or holidays, although she is allowed to if she wants. I left it up to her. Overall she is doing awesome. I can not believe the change. We see her doctor next week. ",0 "My dad who also has autism is constantly having to clear his throat, and often I seem to get a ""frog"" in my own throat too. I don't notice neurotypical people having nearly as much trouble with this as my dad does. Sometimes when we're sitting at the dinner table he has to clear his throat every minute or two. This happen for any of you?",3 Has anyone taken VENLOR for their OCD? How did you find the medication?,1 "I’m interested to know what other effects medications such as Vyvanse or Adderall have on women. My ADHD isn’t as obvious but I’ve been diagnosed with “inattentive type”. I’ve only started reading recently into women with ADHD because previously I thought it was a thing only males had. I’m 28, and mid range in terms of BMI. Vyvanse is working well on me, especially when I have a booster in the afternoon, but I’m learning not to go over the top with caffeine (my tolerance is quite high!) so I’m re-learning what is OK on Vyvanse. Anyway, let me know your thoughts!",0 "Last year was a rough one for me at work. Not to get overly specific, but I ended up in a few situations that have ended with me having severely impaired ability to do my job. Some days are good, some most days are really bad. It’s to the point where it’s effecting my life, my wife, and my work. My substance use has exploded, and is officially a crutch. Without sugarcoating it, I’m pretty fucked up. So I make the decision to go see my family doctor and have a conversation with him. He’s been great in helping me deal with my ADHD, and is usually right on the ball. My fear was that it would be downplayed, and I’d get the “you just aren’t cut out for it” speech or the “if you don’t like it find another job.” Needless to say, all my worst worries came through, and my doctor told me about all the mental health issues in his field. I believe this was a way to try and build rapport, but in the end it was extremely belittling. We talked about the need to build resiliency, which I’m totally on board with, but he refused to accept that I feel no improvement from online counselling, and NEED to talk to people in person. Now I’m just laying in bed, trying to figure what my next step is. I feel broken beyond words, and hopeless that there will be any improvement.",3 "I’ve shown symptoms of OCD since the age of 9, onset of puberty.. As time went by, my intrusive thoughts have gotten significantly worse. I’ve had all types of intrusive thoughts. Harm, pedophilia, sexuality, etc.. You name it! For the past year, my mental health has been at its worst point. I checked myself into the hospital and I couldn’t function for weeks.. Now i’m in therapy and trying to work on getting better. Today, I received my diagnosis along with PTSD, general anxiety, and clinical depression. I’m proud i’ve gotten this far on my journey. Also, hope you guys are doing well!",1 "i haven't been able to get off in three months due to intrusive thoughts. today i was finally able to! i had plenty of intrusive thoughts, but i did my best not to give them any value and i let them pass. it took a lot of will power but i'm proud of myself for being able to enjoy at least some of it. i hope it continues to get better. seriously, i used to not be able to handle even the idea of me being turned on, so this is great. i feel okay and i'm going to do my best not to dwell on the intrusions.",1 "This is a long post. since there are so many Strattera horror stories, I wanted to give some details of how it's going for me so far. TL;DR will be at the bottom. Hey ADHD-ers! Long time lurker, first time posting. I (25F) recently got diagnosed with ADHD, primarily inattentive, on top of C-PTSD & generalized anxiety. For some background I have been taking Zoloft/sertraline since May 2020 with a fuck ton of success for my ptsd and anxiety symptoms. I responded really quickly to it as well. A few weeks ago my new psychiatrist (recent move) also prescribed Strattera/atomoxetine. Her reasoning was that A) it's a similar mechanism to SSRIs, which I seem to handle and respond to well, and B) Strattera has been reported to improve overlapping symptoms with anxiety and etc. I started at 40mg taken before bed to mitigate possible side effects, and now (2 weeks later) am taking 80mg. 1 pill before bed and 1 in the morning along with the Zoloft. So, here are some of the side effects I've experienced: night sweats, like a LOT of night sweats to the point that it woke me up periodically and I'm normally a heavy sleeper; hot/cold chills throughout the day; random, sudden nausea throughout the day that would subside with popsicles; fatigue. They were so bad for the first few days that I almost gave up. But something told me to keep going so I did. 2 weeks later, I am not really experiencing any regular side effects, even after bumping up the dose. The only thing I will say is that if I don't have a snack before I take the morning pill I will get very nauseous/sickly feeling, almost like a hypoglycemic attack with shaking and etc. I have noticed I get dizzy kind of easier too, but I also have dysautonomia from ptsd so it could just be that is acting up. Onto the good, intended effects: about a week in I started noticing that my mood was a little higher, and a *bit* more stable. I also felt like it was easier to slow down my thoughts or dismiss them altogether if they weren't helpful. (EG: cleaning the bedroom and finding a piece of clothing I thought was lost, triggering me to think about how my closet needs to be organized, which made me think about laundry... usually this would have sent me into a spiral of halfway starting tasks and then forgetting to finish any of them and/or getting overwhelmed and freezing being unable to do anything) I found myself being able to remember to use the coping mechanisms that my therapist taught me instead of going down the rabbit hole of ""ohno there's so much to do I can't do all of this where do I begin I never do anything right anyway I'm lazy"" and etc. Not saying I was ""cured"" or anything, just that it got easier to recognize when I'm slipping, and in turn have some semblance of control. I upped the dose a couple days ago, and WOW. My mood is like 200x better than it was a few weeks ago. Usually after work I am really tired and grumpy and get really snappy with my family over little things. Yesterday, I was definitely tired but I was still able to enjoy the remainder of the day. This also led to me being able to do some household chores that I either A) would be too irritable to put any energy toward, or B) wouldn't even remember to do them in the first place because my brain literally doesn't register when the house is cluttered/dirty unless someone points it out to me. Of course, this is still early and I know they say it can take a couple months to see how it will fully affect you, so things could change. Keep in mind I also responded very quickly to Zoloft (a few days) so my chemistry may just be built for these types of meds idk. I will post updates as time goes on but I am feeling really hopeful and good so far! TL;DR: I (25F) was recently diagnosed with ADHD-PI (on top of CPTSD & anxiety) and prescribed Strattera, to go along with Zoloft(100mg) that I've been on for 1.5yrs. Started w/ 40mg and bumped up to 80 after 2 weeks. Side effects were pretty uncomfortable for first few days (night sweats, chills, nausea) but pushed through. A week in I started noticing small positive changes. After going up to 80mg they are even more noticeable, specifically my mood/irritability and memory seem to be improving. Will post updates",0 "I start obsessing over this in January, 2021. I had happened to read an article about how it's basically impossible to stop being a ""cuckold"" since it's your body eroticising your insecurities, and there's no way you can stop it. Let me tell you, before that I had complete utter faith in my sexuality. I was dealing with a different theme of OCD (reading), although. After reading that article, one thought led to another, and I started obsessing over the fact if I might be a ""closeted"" cuckold. I read on internet about people who generally tend to be ""cuckolds"" and that's when I found I used to have the same general insecurities as ""cuckolds"" usually have, i.e. penis size, not being an alpha, etcetera. My natural response was to neutralise it by intellectualisation but it obviously failed. I was then panicking, and obsessing. Deep down, I knew this was OCD, but somehow I felt a need for certainty. Unfortunately, I went to Internet and hence started my journey down the pit. My obsessions eventually became worse, my mental health worsened, and I was back to my OCD-self. I was constantly doing article-hunt, looking for certainty and what not. In the beginning, I wasn't at all aroused by the thoughts, but slowly I started to feel arousal also. It was very difficult. I didn't know what to do. The arousal was getting stronger everyday. I didn't want to indulge in it, that's for sure, because initially I felt disgusted and repelled, and 99% of the times I'm pretty sure I have felt compelled to not act to it (I'm not sure about the rest 1%). I did read about ""arousal non-concordance"", ""groinal response"" and what not but nothing could restore my faith. I broke-up with my girlfriend and started obsessing over whether my obsessions could be true. Since last month, I've been making some progress. Eventually, I was able to adapt ""unconditional self-acceptance"" and my strongest suite ""intellectualisation"" to help me cope with these thoughts. I'm not anxious these days. I don't want to die, but if I happened to step in front of a moving truck, I wouldn't move. During these months, I've lost myself. I have no idea who I am. I used to be in love with myself before this theme of OCD, and now I'm filled with self-hate, self-disgust, and various negative emotions. I don't want any reassurance, it has only worsened my state. I try to browse sub-reddits and porn related to ""cuckolding"", and to be honest, I do get a erection (I don't know why), but I've never wanted to act on it. Also, the stereotype of ""black guys have huge dicks"" is very disturbing. Because now all those intrusive images of me being cuckolded have a ""black guy"" in it, and I used to be an advocate against racism, but now I don't feel the energy to. I have also felt more arousal during ""intrusive sexual images"" as compared to my ""preferred"" sexual fantasies. That scared me the most. I can't even show myself any sympathy, because according to one article I read, self-pity can also lead to romanticization of ""cuckolding"". I'm not numb. I've neutralised my emotions. I've also intellectualised that even if I hypothetically assume cuckolding to be my ""kink"", I can choose to not act on it, or I could act on it in a safe-space. I can choose to act on my logic and reasoning, and not on my emotions. After all, who's there to say that a logic-based life would be any less fulfilling than an emotion-based one. I don't need reassurance, just please talk to me. I'm sad.",1 "TW for discussion of food fears and issues with eating!! I can’t find much on this specific thing I’ve been dealing with online, so I thought here would be a good place to ask. For my whole life but especially the past couple years, I’ve been terrified of bugs being in my food. I went through a flea infestation about a year ago at my previous home so at that time it was a valid concern, since a lot of times there would be fleas in my drinks or food and I would have to throw it out. I’m well out of that situation, but every time I eat or drink I have to use my phone flashlight to check my food for bugs every bite/sip or I panic. This is a lot worse with fruit/vegetables, to the point where I can’t eat them at all unless they’re thoroughly washed and finely chopped to the point where nothing could be hiding, but even that is a struggle. I had this before the flea situation as well. The only way I’ve been able to avoid this is by cooking my own food where I can have control of the environment or watching whoever is making my food make it, but that can be frustrating to people so I avoid it. I have to wash all of the dishes/utensils I use even when they’re already clean, and even then I get anxious about them having any kind of spots or stains. The only other OCD behaviors I can think of off the top of my head are severe and very very common intrusive thoughts, but I have anxiety so those could very easily be explained by that. Another example I think would be random things like “If you don’t do X perfectly that means that everybody will hate you/be hurt in some way” during the most minor situations, like me playing a video game. Does anybody here have similar things and should I bring up OCD with a professional when I have the chance?",1 "I had a crush on a girl at this random hobby class I was taking (not in school, I'm like 28). First crush I've had in years and years, and she seemed receptive to me as well. Was trying to figure out a smooth way to approach her, a good moment that didn't feel awkward (Everyone kinda enters and leaves this class quickly at the beginning and end). And literally by the 3rd class some other guy (more attractive, more charismatic) had already made a move somehow, now neither of them come to this stupid fucking class anymore. Its just impossible. Every time I have what looks like a chance at love some other asshole that probably gets no shortage of love and intimacy swoops in like its nothing. I hate fucking doing all these bullshit activities just so they put me in social opportunities, so I can compete with guys for girls. I hate that it's exactly what all the other guys seem to be doing as well and we're just competing viciously under a facade of friendliness and courteousness. Fuck this bullshit. At this point literally everyone is an enemy because everyone will take what I need so dearly from me if they have the chance. And they do it so well. I'm so tired of being alone and thought of as lesser for never having been in a relationship. It feels like life or death for me but to all these other successful guys its just another fuck. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. I get nothing but chronic pain and loneliness out of this life. I'm just slowly approaching suicide and I get to watch everyone else live fantasy lives.",2 "I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I'm currently trying to get medicated. My doctor (DO) wants to prescribe Wellbutrin because it will also help with my depression. The problem is I don't have a problem with depression and never really have. I've been kinda down lately, but I definitely wouldn't call it depression. I have hella anxiety though, possibly tied to living with all of my ADHD symptoms for my entire life without realizing I had ADHD. I'm not super into the idea of taking the Wellbutrin. I've known a lot of people on antidepressants and it always seems like it takes a ridiculous amount of time to dial in the right one, and the wrong ones seem to make things worse. I've also never been on ADHD meds or antidepressants. I feel like I should be starting with the most effective type. What if the Wellbutrin helps a little. How would I ever know if maybe something else is ten times more effective. Am I overthinking all of this? Should I just take the Wellbutrin? The doctor did agree to prescribe either guanfacine or clonidine for my self diagnosed rejection sensitivity alongside whatever else he prescribes.",0 "My rational mind knows it’s totally insignificant, but somehow that makes it even worse for me because I panic over the fact that I’m obsessing about something that’s really not worth it.",1 "Hi again, everyone! I am happy to say that I was finally diagnosed and have gotten my medication!! (Parhar ADHD is a lifesaver, same with the Foundry) I have started on the lowest dose of Concerta, 18mg, and take it in the morning with a large breakfast. Needless to say, I have fully noticed it's appetite suppression... Suppression is a bad word. Something more appropriate would be to call it hunger replacement. It replaces my hunger with nausea. I am also an emetophobe.. meaning I have a fear of throwing up. So this nausea really brings me down and causes me severe anxiety. However, I know it's unavoidable with adhd medication, so I am trying to suck it up, at least for the first little while as I adjust. I notice I tend to get waves of nausea through the day, and I'm wondering if the only way to combat this is to eat snacks and keep my stomach full? Does anyone have any experience? Does Concerta release in large amounts at random points as it dissolves, which causes certain times of the day to be worse (symptoms wise) then others? What are your tips and tricks for this battle, and what didn't work for you? I want to hear all options! Thanks ahead of time.",0 "I’m a single father and my son (13) watched his mom die. It was so quick, we didn’t think anything was wrong with her, she just collapsed when I was at work. It’s been a few months and he wakes up screaming frequently. Like vocal cord ripping level screams. It takes forever to get him to calm down,afterwards I’ll carry him to my room. It’s horrible. He stays around me and often snuggles with me, I think he’s afraid of losing me. He has quick mood changes and blames himself for it. No matter how many time I tell him now one is to blame he never listens. He’s in therapy. Just wanted a small vent. It’s breaking me seeing him like this. I love him so much.",3 "I don't know what to do my depression and anxiety has gotten so bad that i can't have a clear mind anymore so when I wake up all these thoughts race my head and I get dizzy and nauseous so basically haven't gone to school once since Nov 1 but i didn't do so good in October either, when I'm not at school I feel anxious when I am at school I feel anxious and depressed, i don't now what to do",2 Do you think this happens to people who don't have ocd?? Can you relate? It's like it was me and then I snap in and am like uh no?,1 "I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past four years. He’s the first long term relationship I’ve ever been in and I’m the first person he’s ever dated. Lately I’ve been really depressed and my mental state has been plummeting. I think I need to take some time for myself but I don’t know how to tell him in a way that he’ll understand. Most times I try to talk to him about my feelings he doesn’t understand and thinks I’m just being overly emotional. I even tried to break up with him a little over a year ago but he convinced me to stay. I’m afraid if I try to do it again the same thing is gonna happen and I’m going to be stuck in this relationship forever. I just need time to focus on myself and fix my stupid pointless life but I know he’ll never understand that and I’m afraid he’ll overreact when I try to tell him. I don’t know what to do I’m so fucking tired and I feel like I’m going insane",2 "While studying In 2019 away from home i was struggling a lot, though a lot about suicide and ending up my life. Then i came back home found myself a decent hobby.i got busy in my life. Now i have job at school and few students also come at my home for studying. Sometimes i feel good and other times i just feel empty, want to cry but i just can't do it.when lying on bed it all comes back. It doesn't go away i guess. You just have to close your eyes and pretend it is not there.",2 "I have already done some beginner/setup sessions of EDMR (building the black box/safe space/intuitive self/etc), but have my first ""real"" session tomorrow. My therapist has explained it to me, and explained aftercare, but I'm still nervous about it. My therapist explained that I may have other things come up or be particularly raw, have nightmares, etc. My PTSD stems from a three-year abusive relationship. I am unsure if I have repressed (or straight up forgotten, due to bad memory) additional potentially triggering events or details. I am worried that this will be opening myself up to remembering more. I'd love to hear others' experiences, if possible. What was your reaction in the hours following?",3 "Is it a facet of POCD to constantly question whether you were a *victim* of pedophilia, as well as whether you might be a pedophile yourself? Is this its own type/obsession? Or is it a legitimate line of questioning about my past?",1 I like anatomy a lot but want to do something besides think about it. What are ideas I could do?,3 "Hi friends, I just found out I’m pregnant and I’ll no longer be able to take my adderall for work (I’m a medsurg nurse / charge nurse) or school (working on my MSN). I’m a bit worried bc I rely on my medication heavily for school. Anyone have any tips for managing ADHD during pregnancy and going to school? 😅",0 " Apparently not. Two years ago I was in a motorcycle accident with my husband. I won't bore you with the details but I went into therapy and was diagnosed. I chose at that time to talk through my issues and move on unmedicated. I used to get cold sweats and cry. I used to panic at sounds of fire engines. Sometimes the sound would ruin days or weeks. I drank a lot - which ultimately is what pushed me into therapy. This weekend was the two year anniversary of the wreck. Iwas fine. Ecstatic to have survived. To be making strides towards a better version of myself. But then today happened. I was minding my own business. Hanging in the garage, working from home. I looked across the street and my neighbors daughter - nine years old - was on the back of some neighborhood kids dirt bike. Not wearing a helmet. I went across the street and with her mom's permission told her she minimum needed to be wearing one. I've been vibrating ever since. I'm anxious and want to throw up. I know my fears and anxieties don't need to be projected on a kid. I know this is my own stuff. But I don't know how I'll handle it when my son is old enough that he will inevitably want to ride. I know he will because his father still does. Not really looking for advice or answers. Just needing to get this off my chest so I don't project on someone. Thank you for being here.",3 "My somatic therapist always tell me this. focus on good body sensation. she tell she's somatic experience expert. is this true this things? she tell is the key to heal. ",3 "Who else feels they are continuing their perpetrators’ abuse by self-isolating, avoiding intimacy, and pleasure? Mainly the reasons I self-isolate, distrust/avoid intimacy, and deprive myself of certain pleasures is due to my PTSD symptoms because of all the abuse I endured. I just ended 27 years of abuse emotional and sexual abuse.. of course I am going to have fear and distrust of others if my own family burnt me so badly. Of course I am going to have a hard time with my sexuality and feel guilt/shame when I’ve endured sexual abuse my whole life. Of course focusing on my fashion and looks is not my priority as I mainly want to make sure I have enough money for shelter and food. I have been in survival for so long, it is going to take awhile for me to thrive. I must give myself compassion, forgiveness and patience. However, I also wonder if there is a part of me that is self sabotaging my happiness by continuing the abuse my parents gave out. They grounded me and isolated me from others all the time. They rejected and neglected me, not giving me intimacy. They deprived me of pleasure like going shopping, getting my hair done, sleep, and love. I wonder if there is a part of me that is so used to that abuse and deprivation that he is trying to maintain some familiarity of what was “normal” for me in my past. I frequently am checking in and asking, in this moment, can I push myself further out of my comfort zone (do) or just allow myself to rest and heal with patience (be)? Am I self sabotaging/punishing myself or listening to my needs/feelings to rest and take it slow? Who else relates? How have you coped?",3 "I finally got a new job with better health insurance so I'll be going to therapy soon but until then it's rough for me. The past two weeks I'm in bed all day. The moment I wake up, I wanna go back to sleep. I work in bed, it's just so hard getting out and sitting in my desk. Then when work ends I lay down and nap, maybe eat dinner or shower, then back in bed. Trying to force myself to go outside but it's hard. Also just been eating rice and soup cause nothing is appetizing right now. I'm procrastinating on important things, I have no motivation for some reason. I just wanna be asleep in bed literally all day. I hope I can get some motivation to go on a walk or even the gym soon but it's tough. It's already 10pm I have no idea where the last four hours went. Feels like I've only been in bed 30 minutes",2 "Hi, ok I know the title sounds strange. Today I went fishing for the first time with my fiancé and friends. I thought we were going to do catch and release, also I didn’t really think about it too much. Anyways I’m with a friend and he is teaching me how to do it. He catches a fish and I see it squirming for its life and I scream “put it back put it back what are you doing” he gets on land and another person bangs the fish with a hammer and I totally freak out. Mostly internally although I did scream. I was shaking for two hours. I’m know what being triggered feels like and I know I was triggered. But I’m confused because my PTSD stems from sexual Assult so why would this trigger me? Does this happen to someone else? Something sooo different to what caused your PTSD triggering you?? Not understanding it causes a lot of anxiety for me. Thank you for reading.",3 "i don’t have the right amount of empathy for people and animals but for inanimate objects? Hell yeah. It’s so annoying, i feel bad for the wrong things. Does anybody else feel like this?",1 "I’m assuming a lot of you may have had bad experiences with really intense smells or sounds. I especially hate the smell of smoke from a cigarette or campfire, and the sound of someone sniffing loudly or clearing their throat without covering their mouth. I wanted to ask how you may have dealt with your own irritation with these stimuli? Or at least how to manage it a little better? (Other than just blocking out the sound with earphones or ear muffs) Thanks.",3 "I have no hope anymore, I’m just staring at the top of my apartment buildings thinking about how the drop would kill me and this would be over. If there a God I could really use him right now.",2 "Was I an abuser? I struggle with OCD and intrusive thoughts. It’s gotten out of hand in the past year. I’m starting CBT next week so I’m hoping that gives me the proper help I need. Anyway I have constant guilty thoughts that really became out of hand when quarantine started back in March that I may have sexually abused a childhood friend without realizing at the the time. I have no actually clear memory of anything but I just remember back than my friends and I (we are all boys I’m 25 now) when we were around 12-14 would rough house all the time. My friends and I would wrestle and do stupid practical jokes one of which was called ball tapping when you would smack someone in the nuts to inflict pain. It’s insanely stupid but we were kids and we all did it to each other occasionally . Obviously with clothes on it wasn’t like we were naked or something . Another dumb game or prank was called a cheese curl where you kind of shape ur finger in the form of a cheese puff so it curls and you Jam your finger up a friends butt as joke. Clothes were on it wasn’t like I took off someone’s pants and literally inserted my finger into their butthole . We would do this to each other as well. I think we would dry hump too to be funny it wasn’t sexual just like we would all be goofy and so weird shit because we were trying to be funny. Lately well for a year now I’ve struggled with so many intrusive thoughts especially this one because of a certain kid who I hung around with. We picked on him because he was a little smaller than us but he was a year or 2 older. I just get all these disgusting images in my head that I think are distorted memories that freak me out of me sexually abusing him . But I know that didn’t happen but the thoughts make me doubt myself . There wasn’t like sodomy or oral or anything like that it was just the dumb games or pranks I mentioned that we all did to each other just to him a little more . I also have grown so much since I was a dumb immature kid that I think about the times I was mean to others and it makes me sick. I reached out to this guy whose 27 now and we talked and I said I was sorry for any times I was mean or cruel and he seemed fine with everything he said we were kids and that it was kind of just something we all did to each other. We actually reconnected as friends. I reached out to a lot of people I thought I wronged as a kid and all of them either said I was fine and shouldn’t worry about it or that we were just kids. Idk my intrusive thoughts destroy me",1 "I really like a person, I mean I have all the ""symptoms"" of liking them but a part of me keeps going ""what if I only like the idea of them"" and ""what if I break up with them"" ect... And its been really frustrating for me especially since it makes me feel like I'll never be able to be in a relationship.",1 "i (14M) have ptsd and i always have experienced some flashbacks and they were horrible but i could deal with them and they did not last long, yesterday i was crying my lungs out and my mom was by my side to support me, i was crying for about 30 minutes when a sentence from me or my mom (i dont know for sure from who it came) snapped the thin line and i had horrible flashbacks from my best friend dying and then my whole life with him kept flashing before my eyes and i couldnt get my thoughts back on earth. my friend died 7 months ago and it was not a good death, i couldnt do anything about it and i still feel horrible, i go to a terapist and talk about stuff but i wanted to say this anonymisly on the internet. i dont know if this is normal please help.",3 "A true “hyperfocus gone wrong” experience is just like someone walking into a casino and losing all control. They start off strong but they don’t get up and leave when they should.. Next thing u know, the sun is rising, you barely remember what just happened, and you don’t have enough money for your breakfast Big Mac",0 "I feel like I spent years exhausting my exploration of the world around me. Hitchhiking, taking drugs, being in bands. Now I'm on the far side of 30, approaching 40, and life feels like it has nothing new to offer. I'm just bored. I don't feel like working, I don't feel like playing. All I do is smoke weed anymore, and it's just not satisfying. So I quit weed, thinking it was a motivation issue and just found out it's not. Now I just have one less activity. Life just sucks. There's no point and I'm tired.",2 "Hey guys! I’m new here, but I joined because I could use the support and advice! I have a 9 year old son that has been showing symptoms of ADD for about two years now. It’s now become a huge struggle for him to do schoolwork, stay on task, and focus. He’s a very awesome kid, he’s very kind and super creative and loves building and making things. Last school year his teacher told me he always had to be reminded to stay on task, and was easily distracted. I’ve noticed that at home as well, we have sat down talking about something and he gets really excited and switches subjects every 20 seconds lol. Otherwise his behavior was great at school. Well this year, it’s gotten a lot worse. So much that the principal emailed me and said he was concerned with his school work, because he would step into class and see how easily distracted he gets and he’s missing a lot of work, and not finishing class work. We had a rough start because right when October came around, I caught COVID and my husband did as well. So we had to get through that and I didn’t have much energy to help with homework. Then my chronic stomach illness hit me for a week. So me being sick didn’t help at all. Now that the insanity of October is behind us, I’m tasked with the job of getting my son back on track and making sure we do homework every night. I also made the decision to make a doctors appointment so we can get a diagnosis and go from there. I have a family history of addiction and I was just really worried about the possibility of him having to be on medication so young. It just hurts too much to see him struggle like that with school and I have to begin the process. I parent in a way that I never pressured my kids too much when it came to school. I have always told them I don’t expect perfection, but I do expect them to try their best and do well in subjects that come easily for them. So I sat down with my son last night and explained what was going on, told him nobody is mad at him because we know ADD makes things tough, but that we do have to find tricks that will help. So I asked him to tell me if there was anything I could do personally to motivate and help him. So my question is, what helped you? If you have a tip or trick that I can try with him, I would greatly appreciate it!",0 "I'm tired of battling my own mind every day from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep, and half the time I am asleep also. ​ I'm tired of constantly having to fight people around me to avoid being shoved around and ignored. ​ I'm tired of seeing the monster in myself other people pretend they can't see. ​ For that matter I'm tired of reacting incredulously when people even say good things about me in the first place. ​ I'm tired of not getting anywhere in therapy. ​ I'm tired of not being able to put into words what is going on when my friends ask how I am. ​ I'm tired of dealing with stress at work. ​ I'm tired of being miserable. ​ I'm tired of being tired. ​ I'm tired.",3 "So first of all I'd like to say this is the first time I ever sit down and jot my thoughts down so bear with me. I'm 22 years old and I'm currently lost with what i want to do with my life and how i want to do it. Im stuck in a place where I'm not happy with where my life is going (although I am optimistic). Just 4 months ago I dropped out of college for the second time to move away and start working as ive never been one for school and valued experience and earning an income right now over getting a degree. I just feel so bad about the decisions ive made to get me to this point in my life and I wish i could go back and do it over if I could. I wish that i could go back to high school and hang out with my friends more instead of locking myself at home to play video games. I had a decent amount of friends in middle school and high school but i valued gaming over more meaningful human connections. I also wish I would've taken the time to learn valuable skills that would've helped me navigate the world as an adult, but again, I wasted my time gaming. I went into college as a 2.8 GPA student and no direction with what i wanted to do, so when it was time to choose a major i chose the only thing i thought i could possibly derive happiness and interest from, Marine Science. After 2 semester of college i started to realize that as much as I liked the ocean and marine life that i would never be able to make a 6-figure salary from that and decided to switch my major to Business Management. My first two semesters of college I started making a lot of friends and going out and partying with them. I was in a way catching up socially as i never experienced getting drunk or going to a party/club with friends in high school. I started drinking 3-5 times a week and smoking almost every day. My grades werent that bad and i didnt fail any classes my first year. Then came the last week of 1st semester and i met this girl that would soon turn into my first girlfriend. I was always a loving kid and during the honey moon phase I absolutely adored this girl, she ended up taking advantage of me and using me to get back at her ex and our relationship turned toxic about 2-3 months in. This was around the end of 2nd semester. At this time i ended up getting into a really bad car accident and my car ended getting totaled, this made me fall into a state of depression as i suddenly had to find a way to pay 20k and at the same time my toxic relationship came to end after this girl cheated on me with my best friend at the time. I fell into drinking and smoking even more heavily because of this but after 6-8 months of healing i got better and started to work out and hang out with friends and enjoy life again. I decided i didn't want to finish school and enlisted into the army as an 11B ( Infantry soldier) as this was something i've dreamed about doing since a kid. I went through MEPS and got a contract until I decided last minute back out and rethink about my life and what i want to do. I took a gap semester and went back to school spring of 2020 (COVID hit only 3 months later). One of if not the main reason i went back to school was because i wanted to be with my friends again and enjoy the last year we all had together (terrible decision looking back). Fast forward summer of 2021. I still only have 60 credits so i would have to take another 4 semesters of classes to graduate but im not sure what i want to do with my life. I decided to move from Florida to North Carolina and move back with my parents to save some money and to reset my life a bit and start over in a new place and start working and paying off my student loans. I got a job immediately after moving for a website design company, which was cool and all but it was a dead-end job. I started looking elsewhere and ended up landing a job for a bank. I took that job because it made me look like I know what im doing with my life to my peers and family but I knew before i accepted the offer this wasn't what i wanted to do with my life. I guess I just wanted to vent and clear my mind, forgive me for this mess of words. I wish I would've never gotten myself into debt without a plan or at the very least focused more on my studies and I would've had a degree at least. Now I'm 22 with nothing to show from the last 4 years except some scars from my accident and self-harm, debt, shame, and some few good memories sprinkled in between the horrible depression filled ones. Before i went to college, more-so before i got my heart broken, i was a kind, funny, loving kid. I've now turned into a jaded version of my self. I hate the idea of working a 9-5 and I plan to start up my side hustles again so i can work for myself, but now that i live with my parents i feel pressure to hold down a job instead of doing what i want to do. All in all i feel like made some good memories but i dont have anything tangible bring with me into the real world after wasting 4 years of my life. I feel like im rambling on at this point, if you read all of this, thank you so much and I hope maybe you got some comfort or felt that you could relate to a stranger living hundreds of miles away from you.",2 "I was bullied throughout my childhood just like most autistic kids, the more i get bullied the weirder i become, the weirder i become the more i get bullied. Now I am 24 years old and I feel that I can never go back to normal again. I recently joined a facebook group of ""elites"" and I'm not friends with any of them in real life. The outcome was expected, I was humiliated and banned from the group, I tried to talk as less as I could and behave normally but u know, it's quarantine. I'm so lonely and I need a place to express my thoughts... Messaged the moderator of that group, he seemed to be unconcerned about my situation and kept saying it's the doctor's responsibility to cure you, not us. I then promised I won't say a word again just let me rejoin, he refused. The reason is ""our members feel uncomfortable that their conversations are being observed by people like you."" Even after I apologized he won't listen. I really want to get back to the group (OCDs kicking in) because they are bunch of very knowledgeable individuals, however the discriminating behavior of that moderator really hurt me...I know it's my fault for babbling too much, but is it that unforgivable? I mean, I wasn't attempting to hurt anyone or committing illegal actions. I was just talking like usual So, any advise? This already gaving me PTSD and i'm afraid of talking in public now because every time i talk nothing good happens",3 "Before I enjoy many things, like eating breakfast, reading books, playing video games, and right now, I don't feel anything. Everyday I'm thinking it's another day full of overthinking and suicidal thoughts, I'm not taking care of myself anymore, I haven't eaten for 2 days already, I just want to be happy again.",2 "In my own experience, when I give into an obsession enough that it “goes away” that I feel great for a month or maybe even two but eventually I find something else to obsess about. For example right now I’m have ocd about the number 6. And it feels like if I solved that I would be done with ocd . But I’ve been going to obsession to obsession my whole life. So I KNOW in my heart that if I “solve” this by doing enough compulsions then I’ll still be stuck in ocd . But it helps to hear it from others, do you also get the sensation that your current obsession is THE ONLY THING THAT WILL EVER MATTER ? I know if I give in my ocd will find something else. But it doesn’t feel that way because I don’t feel that fear NOW.",1 "I should probably mention first off that I also have asergers but it is very light, I was also diagnosed at 3 and went through special education and stuff so I don't have issues with it anymore, ofcourse I am now back in main stream education and have been for years. There is this guy I had crushed on for ages and recently we were put into a class together due to poor management by college lecturers and stuff like that for a day, near the end of the day we started talking and he kept getting super excited because he noticed I would do things that he would aswell, he has opened up to me and told me that he got bullied and was very isolated because of his aspergers growing up so he hadn't really met anyone who would have the same things, like an example is that I tend to clap my hands when I get excited and he does the exact same thing. I got his discord and we have been talking for about 2 days now and I'm really worried about how I approach this, I am very certain he does like me and want to talk, he will usually ask if I want to talk to him later and will engage in conversation with me over text and seems to enjoy it. The thing is though he has only been diagnosed 2 years ago, meaning all of the stuff I have been given to deal with my aspergers isn't something he really has and you can tell, he doesn't sit on chairs properly and will randomly say things that are only partially related to conversation although those are just examples and I do not mind him doing either thing, the big issue comes from social skills. He can talk fine that isn't the problem it's more that he is really introverted, he usually only texts me during college because he doesn't have much else to do, but outside of it he won't really text me, really is the keyword because he will reply just not very often at all, like maybe one or two a day and he is like never online. Again he does often ask if we can talk and uses smiling emojos aswell so I'm pretty sure he enjoys it and is just hurt from all the bullying he has had. People in my college class were actually making fun of him for being how he is so I ended up shouting and getting really pissed off at them for doing that and I did end up mentioning that to him, all he said was that he really appreciated it but I imagine that's part of aspergers and it means more to him than he let's on, especially because straight after he told me about his past with people doing that to him. I'm probably going to be seeing him in person again on Monday because on my breaks I go to the same place he does and I'm a little nervous about that because I don't know how I should react when he does go there, like I don't want to ignore him but he is usually with one of his friends and I also don't want to invade his privacy. I'm sorry this probably comes across as super ranty but I have a lot of emotions for him and really worry about doing something wrong that could hurt the relationship between us, so some advice and opinions would be so nice right now.",3 "I’m new to the subreddit and was recently diagnosed with OCD. I’ve done a lot of research in the recent months as to how to recover from or deal with OCD, and I’m now in a place where I feel I’m managing it. I see a lot of people on here struggling and asking for how to get help. There’s so many posts that a lot of it never gets answered. I was in a similar place recently, so I wanted to give a quick tip for those who want to get help but don’t know how so they don’t have to wait to figure it out: 1 - If you’re looking for a therapist or psychiatrist, use the search by location tool on the International OCD Foundation’s website to find OCD-certified or OCD-experienced therapists. This will help ensure you get the right kind of help! Also, zero judgement because these people get OCD. 2 - If there are barriers causing therapy to not be an option for you, a cheaper alternative is to read an OCD workbook. For example, I own “The Complete OCD Workbook, A Step-By-Step Guide to Free Yourself From Intrusive Thoughts and Compulsive Behaviors” by Scott M. Granet LMHC. I got it on Amazon! Even if this only helps one person, I’ll be glad I posted in here! Good luck everyone, recovery is possible!",1 "I am 30 years old and have Asperger’s syndrome. I’d like to know how everyone is doing? How are you feeling? If you could answer the below questions: 1. Are you happy generally? 2. What is your friend/ relationship situation like? Are you lonesome? If so why, if not why? 3. What do you like to do for fun? What are your hobbies? 4. What is your job situation? Do you have a job? If you have one do you like it? 5. Are you treated well by people around you? Do you feel liked, understood, listened to, appreciated etc? If you struggle or need help are people kind and sympathetic often, or maybe kind of cold and uncaring? Please let me know!",3 " *Cursed be the day I was born!* *May the day my mother bore me not be blessed!* *Cursed be the man who brought my father the news, who made him very glad, saying, “A child is born to you—a son!”* *May that man be like the towns the Lord overthrew without pity.* *May he hear wailing in the morning, a battle cry at noon.* *For he did not kill me in the womb, with my mother as my grave, her womb enlarged forever.* *Why did I ever come out of the womb to see trouble and sorrow and to end my days in shame?*",2 "So I come from a family that lowkey hates doctors so I have no idea how to go about finding some to test me for adhd. Now that I’m in college I thought that I’d just go a head and try to figure it out by myself but it’s stressful trying to and I end up giving up :// BUT this time I’m determined and I won’t give up! Any advice on how to find a good person to test for adhd?",0 "Question above. For me its mostly details about real memories that I’m unsure about and it drives me crazy especially because those memories would mean there would be things that I didn’t tell my boyfriend- something I really don’t want him to feel like I lied to him. Something similar happened before but I think those memories were real I told him after two years of our relationship and now he feels hurt. If I’m honest with myself there is no way to know if they are real, I think its my anxiety searching for things I might have not told him. I‘d love to go to therapy but sadly I can’t. Thanks in advance",1 "Noone can put up with me, I'm too quiet, boring and weird for everyone. It's in my design to be confused and not achieve any happiness, optimism didn't work for a flawed human like me. Shit, I only have one life, it's slipping by, but I can't for the life of me be normal. And no, being myself won't help me, it's what I've been the whole time. Fuck me and fuck this life.",2 "I haven’t been diagnosed but I wanna get checked out or screened or whatever tf they call it because after observing myself I do notice bad habits and tendencies linked with ADHD. I know it could be a million other things or nothing at all but this is the only thing I can really link it with. Annnnyway to the actual post I play with my hair 24/7. I’m currently typing this post with one hand because the other one is messing why my braids. I can’t pin point when it started or why but all I know is it probably started in like 3rd ish maybe lower grade. When I was younger (I say this like I’m grown, still in 8th grade) I remember my grandma putting by hair in a bun to go to church and begging me not to mess it up or pull out strands. I somehow managed that by doing god knows what. My main way when my hair isn’t in braids is to just pull a piece out in the front. And I must say I did look very strange with pieces of hair pulled out but I have more strategic ways now. I will never forget awhile back a kid in my class asked why I messed with my hair and I just shrugged because I literally don’t know why. This post is just kinda asking if people with adhd also fidget similar to how I do or if I’m just built different.",0 "So, a little more than a year ago I made a post of how I am never tired and always happy. [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/eplvfk/i_am_rarely_tired/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf), if you would like to read it. This couldn’t be farther from the truth now, anxiety came into my life, severe sleep deprivation, zero will in school and such. Even some things I used to always like seem to have become boring. I don’t know if this is the right subreddit, but I genuinely don’t care. Just wanted to vent to supporting people. Sorry for this!",0 "This is my first time posting on here please understand I have dyslexia and this is hard for me to type anyway here goes. I was on my way home with a friend of mine and my mate who was behind the wheel as I can't drive we were driving through Young's Crossing when in the distances we saw a truck turned over on the right of us and in front of us was a car all smashed up I told my mate to put his foot down and get me to the car when I got out of the car I heard the car running so told my friend to get his car away from the wreak as it could go up any second now so he did and I walked up to the drivers side door and what I saw would then add to my PTSD that I've had since a child the elderly woman behind the wheel had no chance and I knew it anyway I'm standing in oil and fuel and my heart's racing the steering wheel was crushing her chest and steering column all busted up and really didn't think I would be able to shut off the car and being a believer in god I stood there and prayed for his help the once I was down I gave it a go and shut the car off and the held the woman as she past then I look up and a crowd has gathered around me. When we got to the accident there was two people directing traffic they said they were undercover police officer's and my reply to them was does it take two of you? One of you should go check on the truck driver as from where I was standing he was clutching his chest. Once the fire brigade got to us I got into my mates car and we took off about 5 minutes into driving off my mate decided he was going to inform me of the little boy in the back I then punch him in the arm pretty hard for not saying anything I would have smashed the back window and got him out. For months after everytime I closed my eyes all I could see was that elderly woman. I don't know what's happened to the little boy I would love to know how his life is going.",3 I just saw a post on the LOA group that someone manifested away their autistic traits. Do you all think this is possible and if so would you do it ?,3 "I've just sent my assignment today, and now I'm officially a college student! I'm making an online course of game development, and I'm pretty excited, but also very nervous. Regardless, I've never been so determined IN MY LIFE. My executive dysfunction may really hold me back, but I'm doing my best to fight it. My mother and I are already considering medication, and I'm gonna start adapting techniques to help me concentrate better. Listen to lo-fi, use a kitchen chronometer to manage time, etc. I know it's naive to be so optimistic, but I can't help it. I'm really giving it my all and I hope it pays off.",3 "Am I normal that I sometimes laugh at compulsions I do, after I'm done with the compulsions? I laugh because I know that most likely even though i don't need to do them, I still do.",1 I think i never find anyone like me. I was have some close friends and they dont talk to me anymore because of some reason. My country getting worse and i just dont know what to do. I can see that my life is pointless. Even if i work for my future its wont change anything. Im just tired to work for it. And the worst part is i've nobody to tell these,2 "I’ve been depressed since I was around twelve for multitude of reasons like getting raped, losing most of my friends, never opening up, etc. Every time I feel like I’m getting better or if anything good happens mentally I kill it. I want to feel sad, numb, etc. I want my mental well-being to get worse. Why am I like this?",2 "I have an 8 month old baby and this pandemic has been literal hell for me. I have developed severe anxiety about getting covid and my family tells me all the time I'm going to die because i am not vaccinated. (I have an autoimmune condition and cannot be vaccinated) - I also do not want to be. Now I have a hard time functioning in my own home. I fear everything is contaminated with covid and there is no escaping it. I wash my hands constantly, I'm terrified of things touching walls etc, I'm scared of anything touching the floor (including my baby). I want to quit cold turkey but I don't know how. My husband screams at me daily about my anxiety and tells me ""I'm fucked"" and insane, etc. It makes everything worse for me, and the more I tell him it makes everything worse, the more he does it. He mocks me for being anxious and treats me like absolute crap over it. He tells me I'm a freak if I wear gloves in the house, etc. I no longer know how to cope and I'm extremely depressed. Advice for quitting, and anyone tried Ashwagandha with any luck?",1 "Everything feels like it's been slowly slipping away and today everything just collapsed. All I want is for it all to just end for everything to just go away, I can't do this anymore I have nothing it's been like this for so long I just can't do it anymore",2 But ive been experiencing these symptoms for a long time and recently its gotten worse so i finally mentioned it to my psychiatrist and she made me feel so much more informed. Like I didn’t even know half the stuff i was experiencing was trauma.,3 "TLDR: My mother with adhd refuses to get treatment. She is unaware that her symptoms cause her to be hurtful to myself and my family. What should I do? Hey all. I need to rant/get some advice. So I’m an adult with ADHD (24F) who has always struggled but wasn’t diagnosed until 20y/o. When I was diagnosed and told my family, my mother (48F) mentioned that she probably has it too, but has chosen to never treat it. As I’ve worked to find treatment for myself to function the best I can, I’ve realized my mom has ADHD, and her symptoms are REALLY BAD. She is one of the most generous and caring people I know but due to typical symptoms, can be a little intense. As I learn more about myself I can’t help but understand her more too. Now I’m in a spiral of realizing a lot of the issues we’ve had can be linked to her ADHD. Here are some of the biggest things: -Extreme emotional volatility, with her there is no addressing issues before they’re really big, it’s either no problem or she’s absolutely livid. - Coping mechanisms like binge eating (she’s always struggled with weight), shopaholic and hyper focusing on special interests that change frequently. - Many career changes and didn’t finish college, she either gets bored or discontent about something. - Poor time management, she’s always late, disorganized and stressed about it. I struggle with these things too but I’m working hard to get better. She refuses to seek treatment or go to therapy and continues to effect our family in a negative way. Growing up she would constantly get stressed and absolutely snap on my father, myself and siblings. She would yell and say super hurtful things. She’s really good at gaslighting and making everyone feel like we let her down. I’ve always done my best to apologize and try and fix things but I have never once had her apologize for anything. My two sisters (19,12) are absolutely terrified of her. I’m learning and trying to become more emotionally intelligent, and I’m getting tired of tolerating abuse from someone who chooses to not get help for themself. On thanksgiving, my mother offered to host. Holidays are usually very difficult with her because she gets overwhelmed and makes everyone else stressed and upset. I wanted to prevent this so I showed up the day before and helped her clean the house and prepare for the next day. Day of, myself, my boyfriend, sister and dad are all at the house hours before guests arrive to help. She ends up being so stressed that she won’t even tell us that she needed help with. I asked her where a recipe she had printed was and that’s was her breaking point. She screamed at me in front of everyone and made an absolute scene. We were all in shock about what happened. Since, she has not mentioned it once and like usual, no apology. I have done everything I can to help her and be empathic to her stress, but I’m done tolerating the outbursts. It’s embarrassing to have my boyfriend experience things like this. What’s should I do? I’m ready to stand up for myself.",0 "I'm trying so hard to not let my O.C.D get in the way of this new relationship I have, but I often feel like I'm losing the battle and that my relationship is doomed. It's like O.C.D poisons every single aspect of my life that I care about. Can anyone else relate? How do you manage severe O.C.D and a relationship?",1 "for as long as I remember, I am afraid of being given bad news verbally, or to go to funerals (I only went to one funeral and I didn't feel sad enough so I am too scared to go again even though I was about 16 at the time and its been 15 years since) I don't find serious situations funny, or anything, its like my mind goes to ""what is the worst thing you can say or do right now in this moment"" and that happens to be smiling or laughing and the thoughts are so worrying I cant even hear what they are saying to me anymore, I try and numb myself. I can feel myself holding back a smile when being told horrible bad news, like losing a family member. It's horrid and I KNOW that if someone notices this I could seriously hurt their feelings. So I've avoided those situations as much as possible, tried to turn away from them, hide my face, anything. (I've noticed I don't have this problem as badly when only on the phone because they cannot see me) Is this common with anxiety at all? or is this just some horrible habit I need to crush. If anyone has this, have you done any successful exposure therapy? I sometimes wonder if I should go to the next funereal, and just try and act normal, but I truly fear of ruining everything. Thanks for taking the time to read this.",1 "why does it feel so real? it must be. i am a fake, a fraud, and i have been this whole time. this isn’t fair. no one can help me. i hate everything. i am so disgusted. i can’t live with the uncertainty forever. i just want to not live with this constant anxiety anymore. i just want to be free.",1 "i used to be relatively normal, just quiet and slow learning until ~11yo, after that I saw some noticable differences in me (speech, socializing, thought process), i'm now 15 and i keep having ticks, no longer able to mask, speech is getting more incoherent day by day, ive watched my whole personality crumble, sensory issues. Why? anyone else? *i was diagnosed very early (~4 - 6yo) and have always been aware of my abnormality",3 "Around 3 years back I was diagnose for symptoms of depression. Never knew what it was and how many among us life with it every day. I honestly did not know how it even start. The years goes by and all the (positive) energy , creativity has been replaced by emptiness, loneliness , sadness and irritation. Try several thing but because sleepless night, no energy during the day, the will to life or the will to fight feels so far away or even pointless. I was wondering if someone in this subreddit, has tips that work for them to fulfill or end the day positive? Is it even possible to get off from this curse or will this nightmare hunt you till the end…?",2 "I have recently joined some websites to learn languages but whenever i talk to people in video calls i feel so inarticulate and boring and struggle to keep the conversation flowing compared to the other people. Even when the people are polite i think to myself that they don't really want to be there or that it's only a matter of time before they get fed up. I feel that way about all my social life. Friends, family, relationships and colleagues etc. It just seems like one is condemned to being alone in life. Just thought id get that off my chest.",3 "I don't have combat ptsd. So you won't find that here. My story is much different. Jan 2005 I went in for what I was told would be a routine hernia repair and id be back to being a soldier in 2 weeks time. Except that didn't happen. Progressively things got worse. First came the stabbing pains, then the numbness then ants marching feeling in my thigh, then pain in the testicle when I had sex and more pain when I ejaculate. 2-3 months later I was 21 and walking with a cane. Can you imagine how that was in a Spartan society like the military? What made it worse was the surgeon refused to think he did anything wrong or that there was any complication and told my chain of command I was malingering. For those of you who don't know what that means it's them saying ""this troop is faking to get out of duty"" my chain of command then thought the appropriate action was to make my life a living hell! Hurriacne Katrina and Hurricane Rita came and went while they started out with me being given shit details to keep me up nights guarding ammo dumps to them throwing all my stuff in dumpsters and making me retrieve it to finally they would send people in my room for a little blanket party. I had to go to sick call one monday cause they beat me so bad one Friday night my face was fucked up and half scarred and scabbing over. Took months for that to heal. Still I didn't go AWOL or run or snitch, I took it. Finally I saw an ortho and pain management doc who both recommended I be medically boarded out. 0% thanks I used my severance to get an apartment but that didn't last long and still wasn't rated with the VA so I ended up homeless for a bit. When I finally did get my 100% I moved away from everyone who had hurt me or wasn't there I needed them and was looking forward to starting over and figuring out how to fix my groin and leg pain. It's been 15 years now of misdiagnosis and the run around from the outfuckingstandingly inept people at the VA. 40 days ago the VA cut my pain meds. They would have cut them completely had I not fought like hell to keep them Then they and SSDI have me scheduled for a review. Standard stuff but stressful none the less. Last week, on a hernia mesh thread, I was able to get into contact with an MD who specialises in hernia and mesh issues. I sent all my medical records and two days later he diagnosed all my issues and says I need surgery again. The VA will listen now right? Wrong I take my records to my doctor just for him to say ""it's impossible for you to be in this much pain from mesh."" So I put in for a change of doctor VA denied my request as of last friday. Instead of trying to help They are putting me mentally right back where I was for a year and a half when it was literally I don't know what's going to be happen to me today by my own people! I don't sleep at night cause I'm terrified someone is going to come into my house so I'm on high alert staring out my Windows and doors. I feel like a crackhead and I just want it to stop and to be treated like someone cares about my concerns and stops giving me the run around. On top of all that the stress of all this has made my pain flare ups 1000 times worse. Just needed to vent here I guess I don't know what else to do. I've tried talking to the patient advocate, ive tried talking to the VSO, I've got my congressman involved. I've been through this many times and mostly I get frustrated and quit making noise but the pain is getting worse and I'm tired of living with it. Edit - got a call from the VA today they approved my transfer to a new Primary Care doc! Guess they got tired of me raising hell in a politely rude way",3 "I've spent the past 10 months talking to a girl online because of covid and being at work across country. only for her to return home last month and tell me she's been seeing someone while down south. she said that it doesn't mean anything but she keeps posting photos of them together and recently posted one with the caption ""my cuddle munchkin"" under the Instagram story ""an excuse to post a photo of your boyfriend"" and this shit has broke me man, like I've had a shit year already and this feels like the final nail in the coffin. i have waited patiently worked my ass off to feel better mentally and all of its just become undone again. it sounds so stupid a 21m saying this but i dont know what to do anymore",2 "I read through this subreddit a lot and I always am just disappointed in myself for being depressed when everyone in here has it so much worse than me, I have friends I’m in a functioning house, but I’m still sad. Do I have the right to feel this way or should I just man up and realise my life is good enough and I’m just weak.",2 "One of my best friends overdosed 2 years ago. He was trying to reach out to me before he went. I was busy with life and responsibilities.. I wasnt there for him. I just woke up in tears after having a dream where he called me. He said, ""Where were you bro""? ""I needed a friend"". What do I even say to that. How can I even feel right now. I've never blamed myself for what happened to you so why? Why now? I'm so sorry man. I've got alot in life eating me up inside. I wish this didnt have to add onto it. I'll never be able to take back the times I blew you off and left you alone in that house surrounded by bad choices. I'm feeling as hopeless as you did back then. Life is spiralling and I'm sick of living with these emotions.",2 "I fantasize about leaving everything and having a fresh start in a place where no one knows me. Nothing will miss me, and i wont miss anything in my current life. I can leave all my possessions except my phone and money ofc. Maybe write a goodbye letter to my parents. Im infatuated with this idea. This is kinda akin to suicidal ideation where a personhates their current life and wants to end it, but im wondering is this is sorta the same thing but less extreme?",2 "Whenever I see a big block of text my mind just totally blanks. Because of this I just cannot read novels at all. I actually can read comics pretty much fine for the most part because the art helps break up the text and keeps my attention. But for books where its just page after page of text from top to bottom my mind feels as if someones trying to push two negative magnets against each other (does that make sense? Idk). Even with books I’m interested in I can never get past a few pages. Rereading the same sentence for the 20th time because I immediately forgot what it said/didn’t take it in gets really tedious and kills any enjoyment I could have had from the book. Anyone else have this problem?",0 "I have been diagnosed with CPTSD earlier this year and I'm thinking of telling my parents. My CPTSD is from COCSA, Sexual Assaults and emotional abuse from my child hood. Recently I have had two weeks of work with depression, which I managed to tell my parents, who have been really supportive. However I would really like to tell them that what I actually have is CPTSD but I don't really want to go into the details of how I got it. I have a medication assesment tomorrow, and I somehow want to use this as a way to say tell my parents that they assessed me and said that I show signs of CPTSD. I am just worried about the questions afterwards ect. I am just trying to think of a good white lie. Tia x",3 "I posted on here a while ago about having issues with my medication not being effective (Concerta, Adderall XR, now Vyvanse). My doctor started me on 27 mg of Concerta, then 15 mg, and now I'm at 60 mg of Vyvanse. The issue is - nothing seems to really work! I've had the most success when I took the Vyvanse and then also have around 120-150 mg of caffeine. I don't think I should be having to drink caffeine to even feel a difference, it would be really nice if my medication could work in the way it's supposed to. I guess my question is - has anyone struggled with medication just not working for them? Could it just be I don't react to stimulants? That's what my doctor suggested but she told me to try out this dose of Vyvanse and see if there is an improvement. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like there is. I've always been worried about taking ADHD meds because I have a history of heart disease in my family so I don't want to put myself more at risk. I don't know if she will up my dose to 70mg of Vyvanse next appointment or just ditch the stimulants completely. Does anyone have any suggestions or experiences like this?",0 "Not sure if this is allowed or not, but I'm interested in other aspies take on sex/kink/tastes etc. Don't want to offend anyone, but wondering if my tendencies so to speak are more to do with me or my condition. Not that those are separate but hopefully you get what I mean. I'm not going to get too in-depth (unless others want to) but suffice to say that being atypical extends into other areas and I'm wondering if that's just me or not. Again, not an advertisement or invitation, just wondering if others are similar and want to discuss",3 "I have been needing to make a phone call that is related to financial matters. I have had 3 months to make this phone call, I now have just a few days left. If I don't complete it I will be costing myself a large amount of money (something I do often on a smaller scale - avoid problems that are hard and just end up paying for it). My fear is that since I'm terrible at explaining things, I will not have resolved anything and still have to pay a large amount of money. Even the thought of making the phone call or seeing it on my to-do list as URGENT and TIMELY just completely paralyzes me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. EDIT: I DID IT! I completed the task by taking a commenters suggestion and writing down what I needed to say ahead of time. And my problem was resolved! The lady on the phone was of course happy to help and it was easier after it was just started. As soon as I got off the phone I cried because I was overwhelmed and relieved. Now I’m going to go hide for awhile 🙈",3 "Dissociation for me is like a dream, a passing thought that feels like it doesn't belong to you, holding yourself as if your holding a stranger, talking to yourself like a new friend. Sometimes it's comforting, it heals the loneliness and other times it's terrifying, like living in a shell of a stranger who doesn't like you, who wants to hurt you, to kill you, who calls you names. It's torturous and exciting. Does anyone feel like this? even after using coping mechanisms, does anyone really believe it will ever stop, cause I don't.",3 "Hello guys, Soo 3 years ago i was involved in a car crash with my best friend next to me in the car, a huge truck smashed us off the road one night and gave total damage to the car, we lost consciousness a few seconds but we got out the car alive and with a few scratches. However since then i am unable to drive the car off the parking spot without another driver next to me in the car.. when i try to drive alone I start getting hardcore panic attacks and my legs start shaking really hard and stop responding all together.. its getting in the way of my day to day life not being able to drive myself and I really don’t know what to do anymore. Any advice is appreciated!",3 "So I'm 17 and i just needed to get this off my chest, my depression and my anxiety, and my agoraphobia is ruining my life. My doctor put me on effexor because my mother is on effexor and it works for her i guess. But i am so sick of just everything. Everyday in on the verge of a breakdown and i just want to crawl into a pit and gradually dissipate into nothingness. I find no solace in anyone or anything. My parents feel as though they have put up with me, and I'm sick of my existence. I smoke weed everyday to help combat my anxiety and depression I'm just going to go to my doctor and ask for stronger medication before i crack. I have no friends, i have no work relationships because i can't even leave my house to find a job. I haven't completed my education because my depression got worse over the lockdown and i was barely able to even wake myself up, i feel as though i have so many years left to live but i don't want to live them, I've tried cutting once but i decided that that shit hurt to much so I've just decided to wait for my natural death to come. I jog late at night so i can get mugged or something, i want this shit to end i hate that i have to take each day, day by day. I feel like a disgrace in everything i do. I just want to hit eject on this shitty TV Drama I'm stuck living in. My parents are a source of so much conflict and emotional distress in my life, i feel like the only adult in a house full of 40 year old children. I can't wait to become a corpse in a grave or ditch. I utterly loathe everything about me.",2 "So let's say I have a meeting at 6 PM, which means I'll be physically impaired to do anything but mentally prepare for the meeting. I can't work either, I can't just sit for 1 hour to work and then switch to something else, and when I'm done I can get back to work. I would have to do the entirety of work in one sitting otherwise I'll get distracted and then no way in hell I'll be able to bring myself back to work. I either hyperfocus or don't focus at all. And I'm mentally overwhelmed by the future event that I can't focus on anything else anyway. Even though the event itself takes maybe 2-3 hours of my day. How do you guys deal with that? I really want to get a dog, but if a small task that takes me an hour or two to do exhausts me, how in the world am I gonna be able to function with a dog? Any tips?",0 "Does any one here have a pet? Do you consider them your best friend? I have dog called little lady I've had her for 14years and I can say she's my best friend we are close, we just know each other, she never judges and never discriminate, unlike with humans I can read her like a good book.",3 "Hey everyone, Been on reddit for years and never posted anything. Felt like this is as good a time as any to post. I’m sitting here in my car working the night shift in the Covid wing at a SNF (skilled nursing facility) and just feeling like venting about what has been going on in my life during Covid-19. When the pandemic started I was working at a fire department as a reserve firefighter/emt. Once the pandemic hit the need for people to deploy across my state came up and I signed up. That was about 9 months ago. Since then, I’ve been on 10 deployments throughout my state assisting in hotspots that have been hit through Covid. Not gonna lie, when this all started I didn’t know how bad the virus acted on people who were vulnerable. I heard all the stories on the news but never saw it for myself. What I’ve gathered is that most of what they said was right. I’ve watched families contract and die from the virus. I’ve had to zoom call entire families to tell them their mom isn’t gonna make It and to say their goodbyes through a webcam. My time at the fire department I saw trauma on a grand scale but this... it’s different.. it’s a long drawn out trauma of watching people drown and die when you were just reading the newspaper to them and talking the week prior. I’ve worked in covid units where we were such short staffed that i started having to bag up the deceased before the mortuary came in because we didn’t have enough people to cover everyone. Working in SNF’s, I’ve seen neglect, abuse, and down right malpractice. We had patients covered in ants in their wounds from where the other staff was manhandling the patients. I reported the things I saw and the parties responsible were either reprimanded or standing trial for their actions. I have been home a month since the pandemic started and the month i was home i couldn’t sleep, i drank, i wasn’t the same. Home doesn’t feel the same as It used to knowing this isn’t the end to this yet but just the next chapter of this pandemic. I worry what this will do to my long-term health having contracted COVID back in July. I know this is a long post but I have no way of letting this out I guess and this is all I have right now. If anyone has any tips on how to deal with PTSD or stress from these types of environments that would be much appreciated. To everyone out there that are affected by the pandemic either by working in the field or at home, I hope that we all find peace in what we do everyday to get through this.Not trying to make this a sob story or anything just wanted to get this off my chest. Take care of yourselves and your families and be safe.",3 I’ve been going through hell past 2 years and being in major depression made me lost my interest to things i really love. Music is might be the only thing keep me alive but as a someone regularly playing piano i lost motivation to play that and its eating me....,2 "There's this guy named Dhar Mann who makes 'inspirational videos' on topics such as ""Rich Mom shames Poor Mom, Lives to Regret It!"" and stuff like that. One of his more recent videos is about a maid with OCD being fired by her employer because of behaviours caused by her OCD. For context, I don't have OCD myself, so I came here to ask if this was adequate representation for people who have the condition. [Here's the link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSa9djhYmnw)",1 "Hi Reddit, I am asking for some advice on how to best support someone with PTSD and high general anxiety. This person lives with me so they are with me all day (work from home due to covid). I would like to give some details into the dynamics. 1. They easy get triggered with negative thoughts and their mood changes from happy or neutral to bitterness and resentfulness within a flash 2. Part of their resentment and PTSD is from external sources and part is from myself (failure to support them earlier). They said they can't forgive me. 2.a. They had depression in the past but now is much better (Im not a doctor so I can't say the symptoms are not present anyone only that it is much much better than before) 3. It seems that very minor issue can trigger an explosive angry reaction where all rational is thrown out of the window. I believe these minor issues triggered some resentment or past anger. As the days go by new mistakes becomes new resentment so it seems the floor under me is getting smaller and smaller. Also I feel like im walking on eggshells everyday. 4. Tensions flare almost every day or nearly everyday 5. They have hard time making decisions and ask for confirmation which takes its toll on me. I am one of the only people in their support network so sometimes it becomes overwhelming. This is especially difficult when I work from home, get distracted from work all the time. Sometimes I have to take days off to help them stabilize. I'm looking for best advice on how to support them and what NOT to do so I don't trigger them further. I do feel like this is a low low place and i'm looking for ways to make it better.",3 Can you start planning on hurting someone without wanting it or do so without even wanting it please answer me im going insane rn,1 "I'm at a stage where everything just sucks. It's been like this for years, I've been doing work on myself, thinking things will get better. But it's just gotten worse and I don't see any way it could get better. I've done my best to be nice to everyone around me, I'm definitely not perfect, but who the fuck is?? I've cut out the nasty people who were using me for their own gains, the fake ones, the toxic ones. I'm lonely as fuck, the people I know I used to call friends have betrayed, other ones avoid me, and the ones who are still sticking around aren't really adding any value to my existence. I see them as a waste of my energy. I don't have any social connection, a support system, if I died tomorrow no one would give two shits. I'll be forgotten in less than a week. My death would be seen as an inconvenience to deal with rather than an actual loss. I wouldn't feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with my death because what have these people done to prevent it? You leave someone alone who's clearly struggling and then call them selfish if they end their life because they're surrounded by self-absorbed cunts who can't see past their own nose and like to ignore your existence because they see you as a burden. Change my mind.",2 "I've heard that some persons with Aspergers eat the same foods constantly. I've also heard they wear the same thing constantly (that could mean having multiple pieces of the same article of clothing). I'd to understand this from an Aspie's perspective. Please help me understand your thought process around wanting to eat or wear the same thing, or any other repetitivity you may experience. Thank you!",3 "I have noticed that I have started to recover, that when I make an effort to not put too much attention to my intrusive thoughts (I have existential) that many times, usually when hanging out with friends or out doing stuff, that I then just randomly feel dread or anxiety. Almost for no reason. Can’t tell what’s going on, if it’s ocd or something else. Does anyone else get random dread? Usually when not at home but sometimes there as well? I’ve heard anxiety can sometimes manifest itself when not in a “safe location” i.e. home, and wanted to see if this was also found as a symptom of ocd. Wishing everyone the best in their recovery!",1 "I recently met up with a friend from high school. In our conversation, we discovered that we were both victims of child sexual abuse. It was a sad feeling to know that it happened to him too. Why does this happen to so many of us? For the first time, I was afraid of being near him because he’s male. He told me he is afraid of men too. I guess we are both afraid together...",3 "I get tired of missing social cues inadvertently. Usually happens in the evenings when my focus is less alert. Yesterday, for example, after going up on a stage in front of friends to do a spontaneous activity, and winning the competition, I was offered several fistbumps and hi-fives. However, as I was headed back to my seat, about 2-3 rows back from where I was at this guy was holding out his fist and it did not register with me at all as I was so close to my seat, unfocused, and just glanced over. As I get to my seat though, I hear the guys sitting with him laughing. At that point it finally registered with me what just happened. Tired, unfocused, and an autopiloting version of myself missed his cue. This also happened one time as I was getting off a bus and this girl I had met before waved at me. I was nervous because I wasn’t expecting it, and I did not wave back but kept walking off the bus. Granted, I never saw her again after that, but it bugged me for awhile. How have you overcome issues like these, if you have successfully?",3 I was hoping for some insight if anyone has any information about this…I’m a stay at home mom to autistic twin toddlers and last year I received my own diagnosis as well. I’ve been with their father for 10 years and he has some anger and communication issues that have really escalated since having our twins which I’d like him to work on but he refuses. Separating may be in the future and now I’m having anxiety that he will attempt to use my autism diagnosis against me somehow for custody. I love my boys and I know I am a good mother but he can be vindictive and spiteful. My hope would be to share custody because our boys deserve that. Is my fear a valid one? Could my diagnosis be used against me?,3 "Lately I've been seeing a level of gatekeeping in the community and all I have to say is this: you don't need to pay hundreds/thousands of $ to feel validated. Everyone here has probably felt that at some time in their life they were different from other people and that is why we are here. Personally I noticed: \- I was always shy \- I would not talk in social situations \- I felt easily overwealmed/anxious in pubilc \- I mimicked people \- I would spend months at a time obsessing over interests \- Eye contact felt uncomfortable \- I just couldn't speak to strangers/service people \- List goes on... It took me a long time (16+ years) to learn how to appear normal and it takes a lot of energy to appear normal. I was always the wierdo who followed friends around but rarely contributed to conversation. I would freeze up in social situations, job interviews, oral assignments, ... I was formally diagnosed when I was 16 and my parents paid for the sessions. After the sessions my parents realised I wasn't just 'shy' and I started to work on masking. Nobody wants to have a disability. Everyone wants to be part of a supportive community. So let's not distinguish people by whether they have paid a therapist or not. Everyone deserves to be heard, recognised and understood.",3 "It’s not actually the theory that’s dumb—it’s the name. Spoons have nothing to do with energy levels. Why invent a nonsensical analogy when you could use something that already exists and is actually related to energy levels, like, I dunno, a battery? If you start your day with a battery that’s not fully charged, you don’t have as much energy to get things done. There, I fixed spoon theory. You’re welcome. Now, convince me I’m wrong.",0 "I started watching a TV show a few days ago. I decided to watch another episode yesterday afternoon and while I generally knew the topic that would be discussed, I didn't realize it would upset me so much. What the one person on the show was going through was very similar trauma that I experienced 15 years ago. I've watched similar shows and movies with no issue. But it brought back feelings of upset and embarrassment and I very much related to this person and the struggles they were going through. Within minutes, my anxiety increased and I suddenly felt no appetite. I haven't been able to eat in 24 hours and feel no hunger. Will I feel better in a couple of days?",3 "not trying to offend anyone here but more posting this out of interest. So, I live in New Zealand - we have a pretty good work/life balance and protections like guaranteed 4 weeks of holiday a year etc. We also don't have the full-on hustle culture here. I say this because browsing this sub I see a crazy number of posts from American people blaming their ADHD/thinking they have ADHD for not being able to work INSANE hours - often on top of study, childcare, side hustles or whatever. It makes me sad for y'all because I'm like ... that's not your adhd at fault; it's an unfair and near-impossible work culture. Other ""wealthy"" nations do not live like this (I've lived in both AUS and the UK) and it makes me wonder how many people over there get diagnosed just because they can't keep up with this expectation? Interested to hear thoughts",0 "First of all, I want to state I totally support medication for ADHD and ritalin helped me so much, so this is not an anti-meds post. I was curious what coping methods any of you use if/when you have had to come off both or either or. For background, I was taking a relatively low dose of methylphenidate extended release and drinking a normal amount of caffeine daily for about three-four months and then suddenly had some problems passing out so my doctor had me stop both abruptly (and my psychiatrist agreed it was best to stop and wait and see how other tests come back). In the interim, it has been pretty awful. My GP told me I'd feel crappy for a few days but that there should be no side effects stopping the ritalin. It has been brutal and my psych basically just said everyone's body is different so I might experience some withdrawal. I've had weird vision again, complete lack of focus, mood disregulation, tremors, and flu like symptoms (no flu though- got a massive checklist of things ruled out at the ER when I passed out). I had a few panic attacks but was largely just exhausted so my sleep was great for several days and I appeared to be turning a corner. Then yesterday... all my worst ADHD symptoms, insomnia, chills, etc. It seems wild to me that stopping both would cause so many issues when I wasn't abusing either and I hadn't been on ritalin for very long? TLDR: Has anyone ever abruptly stopped these two together for whatever reason (even if it's just like mine where you have to be stuck in limbo until you can find a replacement) and what helped you deal with the symptoms?",0 " Trigger warning: deals with topics of rape, verbal abuse and gaslighting. Please don’t read if it will harm you. I have PTSD from bad childhood trauma when I was young and my rapist was kept in my life. Ever since my diagnosis and remembering everything in virus detail my parents seem to be completely withdrawing from me. The know it happened because I told right away and even knowing it happened they listened to a doctor( who never reported or so much as made a note of the rape) I’m sure I don’t need to tell most of you how life limiting and debilitating PTSD can be let alone when your actively being blamed for it. My narcs mother defends my rapist because it’s her family member and will bring up how normal everything was and why are you having problems now with this person you remembered raped you? She won’t even entertain that keeping that thing in my life was wrong and will constantly try to normalize the fact that my rapist has always been in my life and that until I remembered, we had a good relationship. She doesn’t care to realize a 4 year old can’t process any of that and the fact that they were kept in my life because everyone agreed that we were both young so we’d probably forget. Both parents have become more distant and seen less interested in helping me get better. My dad even confessed that he’s done no research on my condition or how it has and is affecting me. They don’t seem to care how depressed I am as far as I can tell and that I don’t want to eat because I have no appetite. They don’t care that I’m sleeping more because I’m so depressed and have such a foggy head they joke or get annoyed that I can’t remember things as well. I’m already in therapy and all that and it just feels like they actively try to undo what I’m trying so hard to get better. I don’t understand their apathy and I can’t leave, that option isn’t on the table. I don’t know if I should even bother trying to make them understand. And I’m a bundle of trust issues because of what I’ve been through. They used to say they always had my back, now I don’t think that holds much and I don’t know weither to keep trying to get them to understand or just give up on them. I have almost no support group and what I do have isn’t enough. Advice or thoughts would be appreciated.",3 "I’ve always been the odd man out of my family. The first one to accomplish anything and I’ve never been able to relate to my family. I started a relationship and had kids thinking that I finally found someone who gets me. But I find myself feeling all alone again… I feel like suicide has always been the way that I will die and I thought overcoming some of what made me the black sheep in my adolescence meant that maybe suicide wasn’t going to be my reaper. But I can fill now that it is and always will be",2 I was watching an episode of Star Trek voyager and Seven of Nines reply when she’s asked how she knows certain things is of course “I am Borg” I’d like to say when someone asks me how I know some much about one of my special interests “I am autistic” then assimilate them if they tease me.,3 my dad says it lots its like his go too.he never understands how easy it is for me to get overwhelmed than burst. he thinks its like a normal/NT thing where i get mad for no reason. i try to stick to a routine schedule he finds ways to get me to do other stuff that messes up. like ill do something fot him than ill miss one of my things forget bout it and forget the rest of it. i try to tell him to knock before entering my room he says its open. like wtf do i have to close my door all the time. he knows how hot it gets in my room cuz im on basement and our floors are heated. second i close door it becomes a sauna.,3 "I hate how lonely PTSD is. I don't know about you guys, but I don't have a whole lot of a support system besides maybe family and a therapist (that I don't see that often due to scheduling), but even then it can be kind of iffy. I also have such a hard time trusting people and have made the mistake of telling the wrong people what I've been through and them using it against me or using it to make themselves look like a ""savior"" (if that makes sense) (Ex: them saying: ""I would never treat you like that. I want to beat up the guys who did that to you"", but then they treat you the same way and also praise how good they are). It just makes the PTSD spike and trust issues go up even more. I guess this is sort of a vent and also an asking for advice post. How do you find good support systems or hold out until you can? How do you deal with the flashbacks and the anger and loneliness in helpful ways?",3 "it’s like I want to act on them like my brains saying just do it to see what it’s like but ik I won’t do it but it’s like I want to I’m scared that I’m a bad person or i could act on these things ,, idk if it’s cuz I’m watching to many murder docs or horror films and listening to serial killers explaining how they wanted to know what it felt like to kill I don’t feel anxiety anymore I’m just numb with all these things but I’m just questioning myself idk how to explain it 🙄☹️ I’m scared",1 "I went out with my friend yesterday and my symptoms were *bad* but she didn’t care at all The text I just sent to her, who I love so much: “*name* I’m really really really grateful for you I know we were joking about me being deranged yesterday—and don’t get me wrong I definitely was—but I genuinely don’t need to hide into social norms with you. If I need to be a feral adhd monster I just Can be and it doesn’t matter because you really don’t care and that means so much I love you” I know not everyone has this and if you don’t I’m sorry because I don’t want to boast, but it really does make me so happy",0 I got a new phone case last week. I have been taking really good care of it. I have been extremely cautious with it not getting scratched when I touch it and put it down. Today I found a small scratch when the light in my room shined on it. I panicked when I saw the scratched and it triggered my OCD. I got a tingling feeling in my head and can’t stop getting images in my head of the small scratch on the phone case. It’s causing me so much anxiety. I dint know how to remove the scratch on the new phone case and I know I can’t return it to the store since it’s already out of the box and in use. I keep having to look at the back of the phone case at the scratch.,1 "I really don’t know what I’m doing up at 5:00AM. My insomnia continues to get worse. My life is spiraling down. I’ve lost myself and everything I had plans for my future. I guess I’m here to pretty much vent out what’s been on my mind for the last year and a half. I can’t find it in myself to consult or express my emotions face to face with somebody. I’m 23 years old separated from the Army a few months back. Im also married and have been for the last two years. It seemed like everything was going good in my life in 2018-2019. I was finally content with everything and had little stress. I had a lot of support and tight bonds with friends and family. I had big plans after I got out of the Army and was setting it all up. I deployed in the beginning of 2020 to Afghanistan right before the world went to shit. I ended getting sent back because of Covid, sat in quarantine for 2 weeks and got back home. But I was starting to decline. My mental and physical health started dropping. I weighed right at 155lbs leaving for Afghanistan. I lost 20lbs being back, I wouldn’t eat. I couldn’t finish full meals and went from eating 3 times a day to once and it was a small meal. My mind had thousands of things running through it. I was pretty bummed out I didn’t get to stay considering we wasted 2 years of training to go and just to get sent right back. I felt cheated out of it. Then personal issues and home issues made things worse. Getting out of the army and coming back home was scary because I didn’t know what to expect coming back here. Things changed and people I knew got older. Working towards careers and what not. I got accepted to university not far from where I’m from. Was going for my dream career to set up to transfer to my dream school. I was going for my bachelors of fine arts in graphic design to work in the sports industry as graphic designer with end goals of creative director. But things fell flat. I couldn’t seem to adjust. I was doing steady there for a while A’s and B’s. Perfect attendance. Was working for the football as the lead designer. Then the football team took advantage of me, broke all the promises I was told. Gave me a scholarship I couldn’t use. (I was on GI Bill) i wasn’t even getting paid. But I was doing what I had loved since I was a kid. Then it turned into everything I hated. The work load came down with the most nonsense of graphic requests. They wanted me to put designs before school and I fell behind. I couldn’t seem to find any common interests with the kids or professors in my classes. I ended up giving up and ended up flunking all my classes because I didn’t show up anymore. Told the coaches for the team I’m done. Things lately have gotten worse. My depression is so bad I don’t even wanna do anything. I feel like I have no purpose anymore. I feel so much remorse and I feel extremely lost right now. I feel trapped, I feel anxious, I feel like my life is coming to an end and the entire world is on my shoulders. I’m not suicidal, it’s just feels like I have no where to go and it’s the end of the road. I can’t find peace. When I got married. A lot of people didn’t agree with my decision, I was happy at first. Loved her more than anything. But I lost a lot of friends. Destroyed a lot of relationships. I didn’t talk to my parents for a few months and things were rocky. I was pretty upset and thought I knew what I was doing. Time goes on and fights happened. Money problems. Things of that nature. I just find myself not attracted to my SO, tired of living the way I do in this life style I’m in. At the point now where I don’t want to be married anymore. I need to focus on myself and what I need to do. I miss the life I use to have. I guess I’m just a selfish man by nature because I only care about myself and I don’t wanna have to worry about somebody else. I tried leaving, but I got no where to go. Don’t know how to go about things to be on my own. Scared of starting all over again. But in my heart I know that’s what I need to do. I just sit in this house all day hating the person I’ve become. I feel like a bum because I’m not working. I don’t have friends anymore. My parents live 2 hours away. Fighting to pay the bills. Waiting to hear back from the VA about my disability claims and hoping I can get the help I need for my mental health. All I want is to find the peace I need in my life. I’m wasting my 20s away living in discomfort and not being happy.",2 "Hi everyone <3 My name is Miguel and the final avaliation of the Psychology subject on my school is a school work about different mental illnesses. In the case of me and my group, we chose OCD, and our main focus is Pure OCD, the main stereotypes associated with OCD, and how general OCD affects the life of those who suffer from it. (It's not really a symptoms/causes/treatment work) All the questions are optional, so you don't need to answer every single one of them, and if you don't want to answer a question, just skip it, but it would be heaven if you could answer at least the multiple choice questions. If anyone is available for a more in-depth interview, send me a pm please :) Obvioustly, this is all anonymous. Link: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeK1qvQuNCODZzTvEePh5x7BFCWQ2fpk4DcsI0wAVjlZmZ-iA/viewform?vc=0&c=0&w=1&flr=0 Also, if this kind of content isn't allowed on this sub, PLEASE PLEASE someone tell me a place to post this, because we really need to have a poll with answers in our work.",1 "Well, I guess you’ve heard that people want autism to be removed from DSM. It’s not a question about Asperger’s being removed and lumped with autism, it’s about removing ASD diagnosis completely so it’s not viewed as a disorder anymore. Moreover, some people on twitter say that autistic people should come to the conclusion that they have autism on their own(i guess it means by doing research/taking online tests) because letting neurotypical doctors decide who’s autistic and who’s not is ableist. And i wonder how other autistic people feel about that?",3 "My ocd is telling me that 2,5 years ago, I may have made a promise to Gods that I cant remember about not doing a certain ocd compulsion and due to rushed, random words, I may have accidentally, made the promise to count not only for the action of the compulsion but for everything in general that have to do with compulsions related with that thing/matter. i mean, if I made such a promise, instead of saying that I will never do the action of the compulsion,(specific) I may have said that I will never act compulsive with that thing again.(generic) And that because of rush and randomness. I worry that I may have asked for a specific punishment in case breaking the promise to force myself stop doing the compulsion. Using fear of the punishment to ensure that I will never have to do that specific compulsion. Some days ago, I was praying to say to Gods about something related to that matter and due to anxiety, I was repeating my prayers. I was repeating them because I was afraid not to make any mistake or create a misunderstanding. I worry that my repeating prayers counted as a compulsion (praying compulsion) and since my prayers were about that matter, it may have counted as if i have prayed compulsive about that matter. So, I worry that I may have done a compulsion that is connected mentally/indirectly with that matter. So, I worry that I may have broken that possible promise that I cant remember, just because I prayed compulsively about that matter ( indirect compulsion). My ocd is telling that maybe I got punished with the punishment that I may have asked in case breaking the rushed, HYPOTHETICAL promise that I cant remember. I will tell you a similar example of the punishment. Someone asks to become bald as a punishment but unable to see his baldnes. SO, when he looks in the mirror he sees his usual hair but in fact, he is bald. He cant see it but all others can. It is a punishment that is connected with my body dysmorphic disorder. Would any God punish someone like this just, because he may have asked it because he was forced to by his ocd? I AM FUCKING TIRED OF MY FUCKING STUPID OCD AND ITS WORRIES AND ITS WHAT IFS SCENARIOS. I AM FUCKING TIRED. TIRED I SAID! EVERY DAY FOR 2.5 YEARS I WORRY FOR ITS HYPOTHETICAL SCENARIOS. STUPID OCD FUCKING STUPID OCD.",1 "i’m so fucking depressed. i’m really going through it tonight. I was really going through it last night too. and the night before that too. etc. It feels like my heart is literally being torn apart, like a very real very physically sensation. I feel so damn alone. no, I AM alone. I have not one friend in this world at the age of 27 even though i’m constantly surrounded by people. the problem is nobody values me as much as I value them. it’s such a painful feeling when you realize that you don’t actually really matter to anyone and that you’re so easily forgettable, so easily overlooked and so easily replaceable. I don’t know what kind of emotional/attachment/personality disorder I have but I get way too easily attached and genuinely just want to die when nobody is paying any attention to me or seeking my company or chasing after me. After being alone for so long, a few weeks ago an old acquaintance of mine reached out and told me he missed me and always liked me and wanted a relationship. We went out twice and I felt butterflies I haven’t felt in a long time, I felt like wow, this is someone who really wants me and is just as enthusiastic about it as I am. But of course not. He went from texting me all throughout the day to responding hours later with a word or two. I asked him what changed, why the vibe was off all of a sudden and he claims to be too busy. Says he’ll be busy for the next few weeks but after that he’ll reach out again. I’m grown enough to know that if someone wants to, they will. But fuck. I’m so mad at myself for hurting every time I look at my phone and seeing no text from him. I’m so mad for allowing myself to feel this way again. It always happens, somebody pursues me first and then I end up catching the most feelings. In the past, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t distract myself, I couldn’t think of anything else, until he (whoever he was) texted/called me. And then everything was okay again. I can feel it happening again. I haven’t eaten, quite literally, in 3 days. I hardly drink water. I’m restless. I can’t stop crying. I keep praying I hear a text go off. This is so pathetic and so problematic and extremely painful for me because I want to be able to fulfill myself without someone else. I want to manage my depression and hell, maybe even be happy too, without the external factors. Because people come and go, I don’t want to put my life on pause every time someone new comes around. What is wrong with me? I’m absolutely heartbroken and I don’t know if i’ll ever learn to change. I just need someone to be there for me to encourage me and remind me that i’m important and that I have value, someone who won’t come and go. someone constant. someone who will make me feel loved and seen and like…I fucking exist and they’re happy about that.",2 I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and am currently trying my first medication of concerta 18 mg. Yesterday I took it and felt absolutely nothing after two and a half hours (except extremely sleepy and tired). I tried focusing on work and typing up an assignment but I was just too tired and not focused. After those two hours I decided to take another one making it 36mg. I felt exactly the same (tired and not focused) except this time I threw up at the instant sight and smell of food. I feel pretty nauseas and kept burping but that’s it. I went to sleep as the nausea dissipated and that was that. Today I took the 18 mg again (about 4 hours ago) and took a 2 hour nap right after! I still feel quite tired and unmotivated to get any of my tasks done. What’s wrong? should i be worried or give it more time? I had no “aha!” moments at all and I thought stimulants were supposed to do that. any advice? I am on the generic brand (not sure which manufacturer) and am a 20F.,0 "Hey all! I was prescribed adderall last Tuesday so I’ve only been taking it for a few days. I was prescribed 20 mg but I take half in the morning and half in the early afternoon but it is extremely hard for me to wake up in the morning unless I have something I HAVE to do (appointment, job, etc). As a result, I end up waking up at 1 pm and I’ll only have the half of the adderall. I also take Prozac 20 mg but I take it at night cause the first day I took the adderall I took the Prozac as well for anxiety and depression and it made me drowsy but my mind was awake cause of the adderall so I switched to taking the Prozac at night. The problem is, I don’t feel more productive but I really want to me. I would say I’m 20% more productive if that. I have a sink full of dishes, laundry, vacuuming, and other things I need to do but I can never just start doing it. I feel lazy and useless and it’s awful. I have been taking pole dancing classes 3x a week but I started going consistently before being prescribed adderall. I also get my schoolwork done but I usually put it off until the last minute. What should I do? I want to feel productive and in control of my life but I can never seem to even get out of my bed… TLDR: Just started taking adderall last week but still can’t start simple tasks like dishes and laundry.",0 "Week 7 - so many questions Hello everyone, sorry for my English, I'm not a native speaker. So, it's the end of my week 7 on Lexapro (10mg mornings). I take it because after graduating from Uni I developed stress induced depression. Firstly, I tried many other techniques to overcome it, sadly nothing worked and when situation became critical I had to go to ER and was prescribed Lexapro. As I was in a pretty deep shit side effects didn't scare me that much - I was feeling so bad, I knew there is no other way just to get through it all. After about three weeks I started to feel a little better. By week 6 I was about 50 percent better. DPDR is almost gone, almost no panic attacks, I have energy. On my 7th week I managed to go for a little holiday with my husband and even visit some nice places. But all the time, I have this strange and disturbing feeling inside of me like something is not right, something is wrong, I'm somehow unhappy. And also, intrusive thoughts. For some reason my brain thinks that one day I will kill myself, even though I have no such plans and I do not want to do it. Also, I cannot look for a job, I'm not feeling well enough. I can eat, lough and I sleep pretty normal. I run three times a week and on some days do yoga, meditate everyday before bed. Also, every week I see therapist. Few years back before this episode I managed to overcome panic attacks, so I have some experience with emotional problems, I do CBT exercises and read a lot about depression, anxiety and panic attacks. My therapist says that I have some symptoms of pure OCD. Now let's move to the questions. I know and understand that all experiences are unique and different, but it is very nice to receive some support and hear others' stories. 1. How do you know if it's clinical depression or it's just situational crisis? 2. How to find out what is that strange feeling inside of me and what is wrong? I don't understand what causes it. The feeling started right after I finished University and the stress was over. It's so disturbing I am terrified it will never go away. 3. I take Lexapro 10mg for almost 8 weeks, is it normal to feel this way or should I be feeling absolutely healthy and happy? 4. I feel extremely emotionally fragile and tired after all the stress I experienced when defending my BA thesis. Is it normal? Will oversensitivity go away with time or my nervous system is ruined? So, yeah, that's I think it. My story and all of my questions. Sorry for such a long post. All comments and experiences are welcome :)",1 "Hi! I'm a 20 y/o woman, facing a dilemma that I wanted advice on but feel too embarrassed to talk to anybody about as they might judge me. For starters, I suffer from anxiety and depression. I rarely go out because I'm so disgusted with all of the weight I've gained since the penny era. With all of that said, I met this really amazing guy online (I never planned on liking him or talking to him) We've been talking otp and texting for 7 months and facetimed once. I've built this incredible connection with him like I didn't know was possible. Problem is, we've never met irl... and he literally lives a couple of minutes away. *\*This post was from a few months ago, I'm adding on to this and we are now NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS in the same apartment complex, I didn't plan this and never wanted this to happen. Actually, my worst nightmare, and I'll tell you why.\** I kept making excuses for not seeing him before because I am feeling terribly insecure about my appearance right now and I'm basically a hermit, I barely go out to have fun, and being a full-time student at a university (that I mostly attend online) is my only current occupation. But y'all, he's the sweetest and most understanding man I've ever talked to and he's interested in *me*. The emotional bond I have with him is so beautiful, we've cried together at 4 am as he unpacked his hurts like him being SA'd- something he's never told, anybody. I'm so honored for him to have trusted me like that, I liked him even more getting to know him. He's a healthy communicator and taught me how to be one. Nobody's ever liked me like and he finds me rare and special. I didn't know guys like him existed. \**We don't talk anymore but still have each other on some social medias\** He's tall and very handsome, he is nearly identical to Mark Sloan from Grey's Anatomy (i don't make his head big lol) and he's pretty popular locally where I live, I live in a pretty small town. I thought he'd be a cocky/player pretty boy but he's actually quite literally the opposite. I'm not into social media that much like he is which is why he's interested in me, I think. I'm also insecure because of all these girls that throw themselves at him constantly in his comments and irl. We don't talk anymore and it's my fault for being insecure (I didn't tell him about my mental health) and also it's totally my fault for never taking things to the next level aka going out. \**And now, I just moved into this new building with my family and found out he's my next-door neighbor! I suspected that it could've been the same building (from his social media posts) and by the time I found out, (my sisters and mom spied) it was too late! we have already signed the lease and let go of our old place. We couldn't go back, no matter how much I wanted to. I'm so terrified now and my anxiety is even worse now than ever before. I literally don't know what to do because I wanted to take things further prior to this discovery but ON MY OWN TERMS. and now? I'm like ahh he can't see me!\** I'm scared I'm missing out on a really great guy though and am not living up to my own potential. Literally, the whole reason why we didn't work out was because I didn't want to meet him even though he kept begging and pleading. I really hurt him everytime I said no as he's told me. He once wrote me a long paragraph about how he's hurt two months into us talking saying: ""seeing me shouldn't be a hassle seeing as we're neighbors"" Now, We're literally NEIGHBORS! talk about speaking this into existence. but the thing is, I never manifested this and Idk what this means:/ This whole situation is bananas. I can't make this ish up! What are the odds of him being my neighbor happening? I don't know what to do and im going insane! Please pretend your little sister asked for advice, what do I do?",2 "I love to read, but I can't finish a book without getting bored and moving on... to yet another book! I've come to this realization when I looked at my bookshelf and realized most of them had bookmarks inside the first quarter of the book. I love my books, all of them. But for some reason, I'm compelled to move on to something else before I even get into the meat of the subject. Help?",0 "Pretty much what the title says. I'm not diagnosed yet, as I'm not in the situation to be able to do that, but I have very strong suspicions that I do have ADHD. As you all know, the most popular way of getting work done for us is to get pressured by a deadline. That adrenaline rush you feel is like no other and it's surprising how quickly you can write an essay or finish a program in an hour in the middle of the night, especially when you've procrastinated it for days or even weeks. The problem is, what happens when those deadlines don't motivate you anymore? I don't feel motivated by deadlines to finish my homework anymore, and neither do I feel like writing my resume for getting a job, even tho I rly rly want to. It's driving me crazy, and it's only been getting worse. If I try talking to my parents about it, they just tell me to work harder, and do it in small increments and all that stuff that ppl tell you that you know you should be doing but just can't. Like literally completely unable to. This tiny little problem is gonna ruin my already falling grades. Has anyone experienced this before, and how did you deal with it? Also yes, I am writing this after not doing a French assignment even tho I had a WHOLE weekend to do it, and it's due in the next hour and I still can't do it. Nothing I do can save me, but at least I can prevent this next time.",0 "I'm seriously considering if life is even worth living, the only reason I'm still alive is because I don't currently have a reliable way of killing myself and to see if it gets any better. I'm not depressed, but I don't find any point in being alive other than entertainment.",3 "If anyone’s looking for a ray of hope right now, I just watched Rocketman and it was just the inspiration I needed. It’s a movie about Elton John’s emotionally abusive childhood, his subsequent abusive relationship and substance abuse problems, suicide attempts, and finally his recovery. Elton John produced it, i loved how honest it was and how it didn’t glorify mental illness, it glorified recovery.",3 I’m 16 and there is a girl that I met last year. We really hit it off and we started hanging out a lot. I thought she really liked me but I was sure and I was too much of a fucking coward to tell her how I felt about her. This girl means everything to me and I know I shouldn’t feel that way. I feel like a creep for liking her as much as I do. recently she got a boyfriend who is one of my “friends”. She asked me to hang out for once. We were going to hang out yesterday but she cancelled because she “had something to do” and now I have felt like I don’t even matter to anyone. My one best friend doesn’t even text me. I just feel unnoticed and unwanted.,2 "Idk why, but I just want to die. I don’t think I’m depressed, as I can’t really relate to most of the signs, and don’t feel like I’m in pain or anything. But I don’t want to live, and have been considering suicide for a few months now. I just feel that there is no future for me, and that I will only burden those around me by being alive. I don’t deserve the wonderful life and family I have been given. The best thing I could do for them is dying.",2 "Two nights ago I had a pretty uncomfortable conversation with one of my best friends. I’m not sure if this necessarily has changed our friendship but it just reinforces that there is a long way to go with society’s view of mental health issues - especially in healthcare where they are “supposed” to at least show some compassion in treatment. But anyways, my friend is an ER nurse and no lie she works in a pretty rough spot. I know she’s got to see some shit every hour. I get that. I’m a school teacher at a rough school too. I get frustrated with shit. I know with my ptsd, I might have something in common with the harder students. So I keep an open mind and heart. Anyways, that’s why it was hard when my friend started laughing and talking about one of the patients that came in. She gave me details, it was basically a man who was suffering at first what they thought was hallucinations/paranoia. Turns out he was a war veteran and experiencing severe flashbacks, talking to himself, screaming, flailing, you get the picture. I was shocked at her tone and how she was laughing, I suppose out of shock herself because she had to help restrain the man and called the cops to transport him to a different psych hospital. At the end of her story, I just said “Don’t you think that could’ve been me? What’s so funny about that?” I could tell immediately she was thrown off and she just started insisting that no, mine was different and blah, blah, blah. Like no. That man and I might have different symptoms/circumstances but we’re still in the same boat. How am I supposed to feel when a health care professional has that attitude - and when that person knows the delicate details of my own condition? Sorry for this rant but I suppose I needed to get it off my chest. As I’m wondering how far we have to go in order to get people to understand us, have sympathy. We don’t choose our triggers, we can’t wish the trauma away. We can’t put a band aid on our brains.",3 " the pain just won’t go away. regardless of how much I distract myself with sleep or other things, it always reminds me that it’s there. i had everything taken from me and I lost half of my life, I don’t even remember everything but what I do remember haunts me. i hate depression, I hate the mental illnesses I have. I deserve it though. I’m turning 18 in two months, I don’t even know if I can make it til then, but I’m trying and I hope you are too. happy holidays everyone.",2 "1. “Don’t put it down, put it away” I don’t remember if I read that quote in this sub or not, but this is the best ADHD advice/mantra I’ve ever gotten. It’s always in my mind and I randomly repeat it throughout the day like a song stuck in my head. Whenever I find myself putting anything down the phrase always comes to mind and I put it away instead. 2. I forgot it the other one. I swear I was just about to type it but I blanked. Damn my bad. When I remember the other tip I’ll add it later. EDIT: I remembered the other one!!! 2. Guaranteed way to remember that you did something; do a little dance after you do it. I’m never 100% sure if I locked my door leaving the house or if I locked my car doors, but whenever I lock the door I do a quick little dance and I always remember doing a stupid dance after I locked my door or turned off the lights. And not like a whole dance routine either lol, just doing the “Y” from that YMCA dance is enough to burn it into my memory. Hope these help and thanks! :)",0 "sorry for the length of this -- so my trauma experiences are fairly chaotic but the sum of it all is that i experienced trauma up through childhood into my late teens/early twenties, escaped my main abuser, then, almost immediately after moving from out of the country from my abuser, became heavily addicted to various drugs, became quarantined, got clean, and i am now being hit full force with the symptoms i had been 'keeping in check' with substances. I am currently unemployed, homeless (staying with my boyfriend's family atm), and i am experiencing panic attacks when i'm around large groups of people or driving. ANYWAYS.... i am wondering if anyone has unique/specific coping and breathing techniques to recommended & also wondering if anyone has tried making a video diary to help cope? i've heard of people recording themselves to watch back so idk! lmk and feel free to dm me!",3 "*Posted via mobile so sorry in advance for any errors. I’ve been on this journey for well over a year, but I feel like I’m no closer to a diagnoses than I was when I first met my psychiatrist. I was told at the end of July 2021 that in order for me to receive a diagnoses I would need to stop drinking alcohol for 3 months. So that’s exactly what I did. The next time I met with my psychiatrist (which was two months after our July meeting) I asked what the next steps were for a diagnosis and I was told I would need to refrain from alcohol for a total of 6 months….. Now idk if this is specific to her approach or if this is company wide through my healthcare provider, but this just doesn’t seem right. I can’t find any documentation that outlines a clear process for a diagnosis of ADHD/ADD so I don’t know if she is really taking me down the best path. My main concern when I first met with her (over a year ago) was to try and get a diagnosis and I just don’t know how much more I can wait without really screwing up my life even more than I already have. I told her I have concerns about balancing this new job I have and my other daily responsibilities. She told me if the job doesn’t fit within my life I should maybe look for other work. WHAT??? At that point I have been considering switching psychiatrists but if I do it will take months to get assigned one and who knows if they’re any better or different than my current psychiatrist. Idk this just all feels like a lot and my anxiety has been insanely high lately because I just have so much shit going on that I’m trying to stay on top of. I need help and I feel like I’m not getting any.",0 "Hey all, I’ve been wondering if anybody has been experiencing anything similar to this. I actually got diagnosed with OCD and even though I did have obsessive thoughts, I didn’t feel debilitated by it until years later. I really started to experience these strong cognitive issues. At first, it was like my short term memory was a bucket of water with a hole shot in the bottom. I couldn’t keep anything in it. I’d go into room an average of about 4 times a day and completely forget what I came in there for. I was in my early 20s. I’d forget all kinds of other stuff I never had a problem remembering. Soon after that, my actual processing faculties started to suffer. What do I mean? I was having trouble putting together coherent thoughts. I would take all these pauses and lose my train of thought all the time. It got to the point where I started to get really concerned about my future. It felt like I was working with half my IQ or something. What would I be able to do besides simple work? I decided to go on with my life and see how far I would get but years later, I’m still struggling with thinking clearly. I do not think I’ve been able to have a day where I thought clearly for about 7 years. Anybody else know what I’m talking about? **TLDR:** Started forgetting all kinds of things regularly. Began struggling to form and communicate coherent thoughts and started worrying about my future as a result.",1 "Up until this point I've always kind of ignored what people thought of me and focused on being a person I'd aspire to be. At worst I always thought of myself as an intelligent person with a LOT of personality. But since joining this sub and reading about how people are tired of being concieved at stupid because of poor wording or lack of focus, I've realized that a lot of people don't have the slightest clue about how ADHD feels and therefor don't see my actions like I see them. II guess a lot of things are making sense to me now or maybe I'm just anxious because I'm constantly letting down my project group at university and my girlfriends parents seemingly think im kind of stupid. On the plus side it makes me happy to realize how much my mom has supported me all my life and held up my self-esteem lol.",0 "im about to cry. I have 2 weeks left of college and my gpa is about to drop so low that I will be put on academic suspension. im lost and don't know what to do. I live in an abusive household and my parents will give me hell for this. do you think my professors will accept any late work this far into the semester? what do I do? please help, I want to die :((",2 "I have a bit of a problem. I have the combined type, but I can control my hyper side quite well in most situations. There is one type of situation that I have no control over though, and that's when I'm talking to someone new and getting to know them. My friends are used to my excessive talking, rapid movements and random conversations topics by now, but for someone that isn't used to it, I can come off a bit crazy. I talk waaay too fast, too loudly, and I can't sit still. I just get so excited, especially if i like the person. Last time I made a friend, I spilled coffee on myself, dropped my food, knocked over stuff... It's embarrassing. It prevents me from having a normal conversation with people and I sometimes scare people. Basically, I get too excited and become insanely hyper. How can I regulate my activity and calm down in these situations so I don't scare people off?",0 I thought I was doing okay last year compared to this. I read my diary from back then today and I was writing about how I wanted to die every day. I genuinely forgot how I felt back then. I really haven't been okay in so long.,2 I have now completed week 9 on Luvox and have been on my current dose for 3 weeks. I would say I’m only slightly better. Should I keep waiting to see if it brings my cod and anxiety down more or think about making a switch? Anybody have good results after 9 weeks. I’m near max dose.,1 I have 0 problem with the other autistic traits but this is one is out of my reach. I am 15 so I don't think I can learn by myself if I could not learn in 15 years. Is there a way for me to learn any other way because I have never masked in my entire life and I have no idea on what social cues mean or how to engage in a small talk.,3 "I've really been struggling w intrusive thoughts (thinking of people/memories I don't want to think of kind of like ptsd) and associating with actions. For example, while I turn on my phone if I think ab something I don't want to think about, I have to turn it off and on again. I'd continuously do this until I can perform the action w/o thinking ab those thoughts. I know this makes no sense but I find my mind solely focused on that fear of metaphysical contamination if I don't do it. I'd occasionally have this type of ocd in the past but it was never crippling; the past few days, for reasons idk, it's become almost crippling. I made the decision today to just say F it and not give in no matter how much my mind obsesses over it; I figure I've got to take control before it gets any worse. Am I doing the right thing?",1 "I was just wondering if other people feel the same. ​ Edit: the hypes I name in this topic are just examples. Not the main topic. :) which is my question if you most of the times don't understand hypes. Ofcourse sometimes something that is a hype can be great. ​ Sometimes something gets such a hype and I don't get why. For example: everyone thinks Squidgame is such an amazing show. But why? I think it's pretty boring and not original at all. The movie ""Saw"" did it way beter. The violence in Squid game is pretty monotonous, every time it's the same. So after 3 episodes I started to lose interest in it. I think the acting is very overdone at times too. But that could be because I'm wathcing it with English voices, I'm not sure. ​ but not only Squid game is overrated in my opinion, I have it with so much stuff. Books of Lucinda Riley for example. The movie Titanic - I remember when it came out everyone was talking about it but I never understood why everyone loved it so much. ​ I could talk on about this forever, but my question is: do you understand the hype around certain books, series etc? And do you think maybe you don't (IF you don't understand it) because we are less connected to the ""hyve mind"" that NT seem to have sometimes?",3 "I was raped and beaten by my bio father (Kenny) when I was a child, and sometimes I can hear his voice or feel him touching me when I have an attack. Like I feel his fingers clutching my throat or hear him whispering about how much he loves me when I'm alone. Is this normal for someone with PTSD? My boyfriend wants me to get tested for schizophrenia.",3 "After so many years of biting my nails from boredom, stress or just because they were something to chew on, I quit!! I've been enjoying my healthy nails for a few months now so I'm quite sure that bad habit is fixed and I'm sooo happy about it. And it all started with a random hyperfixation too!! I love life :)",0 "Four days have gone by, only one has been good. Awesome, love this",2 "I just got diagnosed about a week ago, but am still stuck on the typical reasoning one might have when encountering adhd for the first time but to my own self, ""oh shes just lazy"" ""shes weird"" ""she doesnt try hard enough"" etc. (i honestly had so many in my mind and now i cant bring any out but these) Anyways, at what point do you stop saying its adhd? I havent been medicated yet and am currently waiting, but I just dont want to excuse my actual laziness and blame my adhd. This is all new to me and I feel guilty telling myself its my adhd, so i stay stuck thinking the old ways. If anyone has any advice I would Greatly appreciate it!!",0 "I often feel particularly convinced that something horrible is going to happen to me while I'm asleep. In an effort to soothe myself I have begun to wear shoes to bed at night so that (by my skewed logic) I am better able to kick back against an intruder or run away. It doesn't do much, but knowing that I'm ready to go helps a little. Does anyone else ever do this?",3 "Hey everyone, I’m going through quite a rough patch with my OCD recently. My brain is convinced that everything is going to kill me; I’m having trouble going to work, eating food, even leaving my house. This is the worst time possible; my semester starts on Monday and I don’t know if or how I’m going to get through day one considering I have to take public transportation and it feels like contamination central to me (no disrespect to those who do take public transport; I am so thankful that I have the access to it, at the moment it’s just a difficult task). Does anyone have any tips, literally things that just help you get through life? I really only have tactics for panic attacks. I can’t meet with my therapist until September, so any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.",1 " I spend most of my day inside of my head. Obviously I’m biased, but I think that I have some good ideas and perspectives. My inner monologue is very academic and technical, and I often format my thoughts into complex arguments. However, I can’t seem to focus long enough to put these ideas on paper. I used to really enjoy writing, and I think I could be good at it if I applied myself, but when I try to write down my ideas my brain seems to stop working. Any advice? (I’m asking in this sub, because my inability to write is mostly to do with how my my autistic brain loves making ideas and doing nothing with them.) (I also posted this in r/Autism, but I didn’t get many answers)",3 "Because I have OCD I feel the need to yawn and drink water wayyy more than I actually do. I know that a lot of you have to yawn a lot too due to shortness of breath but I do it even tho I really don't have to sometimes. I also feel the need to wash my throat down with water like ALL THE TIME. which I've been told actually makes the GERD worse... And obviously due to anxiety from the OCD it makes my GERD worse. But hey ho I'm getting better at dealing with the OCD every day. Its a nasty combo tho",1 "I’m just anxious that medication won’t work for me cause i read too many stories of “you’ll end up chasing the dragon after the first 2 weeks. Is ADHD truly manageable with medication for the longterm. Please share your experience, how many years of use, how many medication change you’ve been through. Please please please share your experience.",0 "How many of you have food intolerances or other allergies? ---- I'm interested, because according to some studies, aspies seems to suffer from these things more than the general population. ---- |Vote Button| Poll Options|Current Vote Count| |:-----------:|:------------:|:------------| |**[Vote](http://redditpoll.com/vote/eKlgUWZ8d)**|I have food intolerances|**2** Votes |**[Vote](http://redditpoll.com/vote/Q8J1s92Gz)**|I have allergies|**3** Votes |**[Vote](http://redditpoll.com/vote/goeGUlk4y)**|I have both food intolerances and allergies|**7** Votes |**[Vote](http://redditpoll.com/vote/0WVdHDngl)**|No, I don't have either|**1** Votes ---- **Instructions:** * Click Vote to Register Your Vote. ---- **Note:** Vote Count in this post will be updated real time with new data. ---- Make Your Own Poll Here **[redditpoll.com](http://redditpoll.com)**. ---- See live vote count **[here](http://redditpoll.com/poll/how-many-of-you-have-food-intolerances-or-other-allergies)**",3 "ok so i am an adult who recently got diagnosed and prescribed adderall. i want to know if anyone else has done something similar to me in their diagnosis journey. i previously illegally used adderall in my high school days at parties and it never worked for me. i feel really bad about doing this because i know abuse of it is what keeps so many people from getting the meds they need, but it was also a breakthrough moment for me and made me realize how many adhd symptoms i have. all this to say i feel really guilty and would like to know how other people feel and advice on how i should feel.",0 So I saw this girl while I was walking shes a grade higher than me im 99.9% sure and I know her and when I walked past her I saw that it was a different hairstyle so I was scared that it was some random kid and she was also walking with a girl a grade higher than me and so I went on her insta and facebook to see if shes changed her hair and there I found that she did change her hair and i went to her friends list and likes and comments and etc and its ppl my grade or higher or family members and the likes and comments are like cutie heart heart from girls a grade higher and on her insta its the same hair too and Its the same pants I saw her walk in she posted a pic a week ago with the same pants color I saw today and idk if the shirt was the same and the face shape looked the same so im guessing its the same girl hopefully its not a kid and I know lots of kids younger than me and shes not one of them and shes around the same height as me so I think its the same girl hopefully its not some random kid and that i just found a kid hot fuck sake,1 "Is it possible to have a web development job which isn’t stressful? My jobs have all been terribly stressful for different reasons. Looking through the job listings, they all say things that concern me. Things about being driven, having work ethics, being deadline driven. Things that to me, say ‘stress’, ‘stress’, ‘stress. With ASD, my stress tolerance is low… Client work as a freelancer isn’t as bad as your much more in control of things but so hard finding clients",3 "I always get lost and turned around and confused, then I can’t find anything and I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin and I’m going to die in there. It’s so overwhelming and it makes my brain feel like it’s going to explode. So many THINGS so many PEOPLE. I’ll sometimes even remember a list but everything is on opposite sides of the store and I feel like I’m having to go back and forth. Then I’ll leave just absolutely exhausted and without like half the things I needed. The random food items I bought because I got hungry after spending a lifetime in there is somehow all busted and expired- how did I not notice that?? But bonus! I bought more closet organizing shit that I’m never going to use.",0 "I don't know how bad my executive dysfunction is, I just know that it pissed me off. I just had an episode where I completely broke down about writing my name on a piece of paper. I had to go from my house to the cafeteria where there was a paper and a red pen. I had to write my name on it, that's it. That's it! My boyfriend promised me to go with me, so I could actually do it, but when we got to it, he needed to be alone and my body just broke. I couldn't wrap my head around doing something so simple alone. I feel like I put my boyfriend in a bad situation because he is very introverted and needs to be alone more, and today he did. I feel like I'm putting him under so much stress because I can't do the smallest of tasks without freaking out and breaking down on the floor. It's something that I think hurts everyone around me because I'm making them go through so much of my bullshit. It's a name on a piece of paper!! What's so difficult?! Can you ""practice"" executive dysfunction? Is it something that you can get better at? I want to get better for the sake of the people around me, but I don't see how I can with how it is right now.. Does anyone have any advice? Suggestions? I'm a little desperate..",3 "i cant make this longer since i am tired i realy stressed about my homework i was out for a week so i chouldt attend classes but when i came home back home my parents just said now go do your pending work.i chouldt even rest in the car because the car was moveing alot and there was alot of music i am writteing this down while oding my homework because i have already lost 7 friends all because of rumors my home friend was using me to get her crush since i was friend with her crush its been really hard for me to handle all of this i am crying at night listening to music its a harsh time to me",2 "The portrayal of OCD is already quite cruddy, what with the ""I'm so organized so I must be OCD!"" idea but something that really sucks is knowing how my loved ones, teachers, friends, etc, will never ever understand the exhaustion that comes with OCD. How when it's bad I can't do something without every 2 seconds looking up at the ceiling and whispering out my rituals to myself. How it completely impairs my ability to convey intelligence or basic thoughts, how I went from comprehending anything I read or looked at to spelling things wrong and writing floppy, incoherent messes in place of assignments and work. How I have lost all sense of self because I am consumed day in and day out by this. The only words to encompass this all is how brutal and exhausting this illness is. It sucks how my friends tell me how I've lost a spark or lost the compassion and excitement I used to talk to them with. It sucks how I used to be able to write paragraphs in response to assigned school questions and now I do the bare minimum just to speed through before an intrusive thought interrupts me. OCD is debilitating, it really is. I feel like a ghost. I wish I could reset this brain. I would genuinely never wish it on anyone.",1 "Anyone else have a combination of diagnoses? Living in a nightmare of not only aspergers, but OCD, depression, anxiety, personality disorder issues. Body image issues (BPD), insomnia and the whole gamut of shit that makes life a complete nightmare to live? A horror story of the scariest sorts?",3 "I’m in my early 20s, working remotely full time. I live alone without any friends. Nothing really excites me. New friendships don’t really come easy to me. My only hobbies are sort of solitary endeavors. I suspect I may have some undiagnosed issues, but right now can’t afford a therapist. I have no SO, no dependents - no one except my coworkers would be affected if I suddenly disappeared. My parents were kinda abusive religious fundamentalists. You can read my post history and see why I am not close with my family. I come from a long line of broken people, and I feel constantly embarrassed of where I’m from. My job doesn’t interest me, even though it pays the bills I need to keep living (I’m a software dev). But what’s the point if this is all life is? I’ll just keep doing a job I hate to pay bills for a life I don’t care about till I end up in a hospital and die. I’m not a threat to myself. I’m gonna just keep working and going down this road. But I often wish something else would end it for me sooner.",2 "I recently was diagnosed with ADHD while in Law School. Of-course I always had ADHD, but I come from a conservative old-fashioned household, hence why I went un-diagnosed for years. I got a prescription for Adderall 20MG IR, I took it several times, it really helped to sit me down and study hours on end. The effects of the drug take place for appx. 4 hours, I take it on a full stomach at morning time. I feel very alert and motivated, but it seems to me it is a brute approach to medicating my ADHD. I was wondering if there are people who can share their experience with milder approaches treating their ADHD? Vyvanse, Ritalin, Adderall XR, etc. My aim is to take one pill at morning time after breakfast and enjoy a more motivated day, that I can sit down and study at various flexible times, not just 4-6 hours of hyper focused time like with IR. p.s. is it common to have NO appetite for over 12 hours after such low dose of Adderall IR?",0 "I just want to start off by saying that I'm not antivax. I get my flu shot every year and I don't have any issues with that other than my fear of needles. I just think I have a lack of trust in the medical field. I've always felt like a lot of doctors ignored my symptoms and acted like I'm making certain things up. It took about 3 years to get my PCOS diagnosis and I was having a really hard time around that point in my life so I don't know who I can trust. I think I wanna get the vaccine. I'm just afraid that it'll cause problems later. If someone has any advice, that would be greatly appreciated. Update: I'm going to talk to my doctor about any possible concerns I have about the vaccine. Thanks everyone for helping me feel a bit more comfortable with getting it!",3 "I was diagnosed with ptsd after a very abusive marriage. Somehow we have 50/50 custody. He's taking our kids on vacation next week and I'm a wreck. Nightmares, panic attacks, loss of sleep. Ugh. I'm just venting. I've been doing breathing exercises, talking to my therapist, and making plans to keep busy. But I'm so scared. My son told my mom this morning ""We shouldn't have to look out for each other but daddy just goes off without us"" Like...UGH. They're going to Universal Studios and the beach. I get scared they'll get lost, drown, or that he'll get angry and hurt them. I hate this. Fortunately my kids are smart and do good at looking after each other. Ugh. This mama is a wreck.",3 I feel like not being sad about it makes it possibly different. Maybe this is a stupid question. Idk,2 "I've been dealing with mild CPTSD from a messed up upbringing, and although difficult,it was manageable. Then I went into the AirForce and since being discharged, I've struggled with severe PTSD for five years now. Been trying to finish my masters, and I've been extending my already extended dates for deadlines, but I haven't been able to cope under COVID situations. But it's been encouraging to know that I'm among many who struggle the same way, with PTSD taking up so much of their life; I feel like most of my 20's have been taken from me-- when I first started getting treated I was so brain-dead that I couldn't understand the difference between a spoon and a fork. I'm at wit's end with responsibilities and life's burdens, and wake up feel like killing myself every day. But something tells me that there's got to be an end to this, one day. I wonder if many people who have recovered come back to this place to share their stories?",3 "I graduated in 2019 with a useless Fine Arts degree, I didn’t have any jobs other than internships and training and getting fired. I have been searching career options and jobs I can do for now intensively, all day . I noticed that I completely lost any interest on eating, I feel dizzy every second, I walk like a disabled since I have no energy to walk, but I don’t want to eat. I eat once a day but still I don’t eat the whole meal. I feel like I am unworthy to consume any food or anything, because I am dumb and not willing to learn anything difficult. I wish I can die like this. Please.",2 " Okay so have you ever gotten to the drive through window and just been stuck daydreaming for a minute or two? Then have you ever given them your card and sat there wondering why it’s taking so long? Have you then taken your card back from them, smile and say thank you, then promptly drive away? If you said yes to all 3, congratulation, you too may have ADHD. But wait there’s more… If you have ever done all of the above, have you then panicked and driven away without your drinks because going back around would take too long and be humiliating and going in would be a nightmare, and as you drive away you begin to sweat and feel sick, with your heart racing? You might have anxiety. TL;DR I have adhd so I spaced and drove off without my drinks. Also have anxiety which kept me from fixing the issue by going in. This is how I started *my* day, hbu?",0 "Hey guys, i have started taking Cipralex (Lexapro) in June 21, started with 10mg and now the doc upped my dose to 20MG and i have been told it will help me focus more in class and stop pulling hair from my stache/beard, my anxiety has reduced but my focus problem is still the same, im still pulling hairs, the psychotrist offered me to start taking Atomoxetine, any of you had this problem? :)",0 "Hi everyone. Recently, I've come to the realization that I may have ADHD, or at least am experiencing some of the symptoms but I'm also beginning to doubt myself wondering if I'm just making myself think that I am. I've taken several of those tests online and most if not all have turned back with the possibility of ADD/ADHD. I also feel like it provides an explanation for a bunch of things in my life, but I'm also afraid that maybe I'm making it up or that if I talk to my GP about it that I may be told that I'm fine, even though I feel like something's not right. Some things that I've been experiencing for years are: * Often running late because I overestimate the amount of time I have to spare * Whenever I leave my house, about 90% of the time I end up going back inside because I forgot something, or think I did * I'm unable to just sit down and study. I actually don't recall having studied much throughout my school years. I would just coast by with what I did remember or picked up on and would pass all of my classes that way. Lately I've been studying for a certification exam approaching in a few days and it feels like it's impossible to sit down and really study without ending up on youtube, or social media, or playing video games * Speaking of video games: Growing up I had a phase where I was addicted to video games. To the point that I would forget to eat and would in turn get scolded by my parents, but to their defense, I was underweight for a while. * Spans of time where I'm really into a video game so I'll log on right after work without fail, play for hours and lose track of time, thus forgetting to eat, putting off using the bathroom for hours because I don't want to stop doing whatever I'm doing. Conversely, other times I completely lack motivation to partake in any of my hobbies. * Spending hours upon hours researching something I'm interested in. ie. recently bought a new computer and watched a ton of reviews prior to and after purchasing it. To the point where I would stay up for hours even when I had to go to school or work just to continue researching or watching videos. * Being asked by my SO to do something and forgetting soon after, or not following instructions. * General forgetfulness * Oversharing. Sometimes I feel like I share too much and I can't help it. There's times when I tell myself that I'll keep something to myself and end up talking about it to my coworkers. About all kinds of things going on in my life or what I'm thinking, what I want to do, etc. * Procrastinator for as long as I can remember And that's all off the top of my head right now. I realize this may not all make sense or have anything to do with ADHD or mental illness but I'd appreciate anyone's input, and I'm sorry if something in here doesn't make sense. Thank you. edit: I also don't want to come across like I'm actively trying to seem like I have ADHD. These are things I've been experiencing for years and convinced myself that I was just bad with time management, or lazy, or not applied enough to study, or irresponsible for forgetting important things.",0 "How do I survive the terrifyingly lows I reach every single day, like clockwork? I don't want the strength to survive it just want it to end. Anyhow. I am just paralyzed, crying rn when I am supposed to be working. Fuck me this is unbearable. What's the point of living through this shitshow that is my life?",2 "I'm looking to buy a pair of new headphones, but I'm afraid of overstimulation for some of the headphones. With my headphones I have currently (I think its closed back), my ears gets hot andit becomes noticeable which makes me not perform tasks on my PC. I thought about getting open back, but I'm afraid I'll be overstimulated from my PC noise, fans and loud noises in the living room. Any advice would be nice!",3 "So here’s the fucked up story: I was so scared of being raped, and ended up actually getting raped because of it. I grew up being sexually assaulted many times, sexually harassed, sexually groomed, maybe even sexually abused (I don’t know enough to be certain). Since age 14, I’ve felt so violated and unclean, have felt like my body no longer belongs to me, but to everyone else. The assaults lasted longer, got worse as time went on, the older I got. By age 23 (this year), I was convinced that I was going to be raped eventually and that it would be a matter of “when”, and not “if”. I would have images of brutal rapes come to my mind intrusively. Lived in a state of paranoia and hypervigilance. Even felt uncomfortable around male relatives, male friends, and even my own father, as long as they were within touching distance from me. This year, something snapped in me. I felt the intense need to prepare myself for the day when I would eventually be raped. I needed to get used to the violence, the aggression, the way someone could hold me down and restrain me from escaping, the pain of penetration, so that when the rape finally happened, it wouldn’t take me by surprise and leave me brutalised and traumatised beyond helping. So I lost my virginity to a stranger that I’d agreed to meet, who I asked to be rough with me. And then I met another one, and another one, a revolving door of dominating men wanting to break in yet another girl to obey to their every demand. All the while, I felt nothing. I felt disconnected from my body, I would even get bored. I would feel like a third person in the passenger’s seat while someone else, someone who knew how to please men, took the driver’s wheel. I don’t remember my first time. I don’t remember whom I’ve slept with. I don’t remember a body count. And eventually, one of these men I met ended up being the person who eventually actually raped me. I had hit my limit and tried to get him to stop, he’d told me prior that I could trust him to stop, and he didn’t. He tortured me with excruciating pain because he loved to hear me cry so much that it made him hard. All my “preparation” didn’t amount to anything when he did what he did. I keep feeling like it was my fault. Like my fear of rape and my reaction to this fear was disproportionate and inappropriate. I keep trying to tell myself that I started having sex out of a place of intense fear and repeated reinforced trauma, but I know that at the end of the day, nobody really deals with their fear this way and so I brought it on myself. On some other Reddit thread, people have told me that I’m 100% crazy. People have told me that normal, even traumatised people don’t do shit like this. People have thought that I was just joking, nobody would do such a thing, right? People have told me that I’m so deeply damaged that I need to stay in a psych ward, pronto. I guess I just need to know that I’m not crazy like they say I am. I need to know that it wasn’t my fault, that my fears were valid given the situation, that the way I tried to calm those fears was understandable even if not so much logical or coherent, that my trauma is to blame. I need to know that I was simply doing what I felt was the best option that would help me survive my fears at the time, that I’m not crazy.",3 "I'm 26, diagnosed with high functioning Asperger's when I was 6. I've overcome many of the challenges my diagnosis imposed on me, but I feel like I'm hitting a wall. I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with my limitations in things like working, making meaningful connections with others, being able to support myself, etc. I plan to bring it up with my therapist later today, but would anyone here have any tips for accepting that I have limitations that may very well be with me for my whole life? I only have NT people to compare myself against in my day to day life, so I pretty constantly get angry at myself for not being able to do what they can.",3 "Does anyone else have constant doubts about whether you romantically like someone or not? I understand that a certain amount of doubting is normal and necessary to evaluate your future with a person, but I'm talking about very obsessive doubting. It could be related to your crush or even your girlfriend, and the thought just doesn't go away. I fall in this endless loop of ""I like her, I like her not"" with no rational way of actually answering the question. Anyone?",1 "I was looking through some of my old childhood dairies and it made me so sad. I remember when I was young having thoughts about my dad that would worry me. I never made the correlation between the thoughts and OCD until now. In my dairy I wrote, “please god help me take these thoughts away about liking my dad.” Or something along those lines and I started crying because I remember having those thoughts. I was only probably 9 or 10 at the time of writing it. It made me feel so awkward and uncomfortable around him. I remember telling my therapist (the one that told me I had OCD when I was 18) about those worries and she told me it’s not out of the ordinary for children to have those thoughts but I definitely think that could have been my OCD coming up in those small ways as a child. I always thought that “oh I don’t have OCD” but then I think about these things that I did as a child and somehow it kind of seems like maybe that was the starts of it. Then, around 7th grade I started developing fears of fainting. EVERYWHERE I went, I had to sit close to the aisle seat so I could leave easily and I would start monitoring my breathing and it got to a point where I could not even wake up for school in the mornings without crying. And once I’d sit in my chair for the start of class, I’d feel panicky and start getting worried about fainting and sometimes I’d stand up super fast to hopefully keep myself preoccupied to not faint. It’s just kind of hard to think of myself as a little girl who was scared and had no idea or help. Just needed to vent.",1 "So today I was started on Adderall 10mg and I really do feel a little more focused and my mind is more relax, which I find great. I still felt a little distracted and foggy on occasions, but other than that is has been a way better day than before. Today I actually answered a few texts and even considered asking another mom I met for a playdate with our sons and did not feel a complete dread for it. Didn't do it because I wanted to see how the meds worked out throughout the day. Also, managing the day with my son felt easier. EVERYTHING felt a little easier. I felt like it was a little short lived, but it's only day one. My question is, other than focus, how has the meds helped you? Like as a side effect, if that makes sense. Did it help with anxiety? Did it help being a better communicator? Felt happier? More motivated?",0 "Depression wins. Normally I’d write a big long paragraph here, but I’m so tired of this. Not everyone can win in life I suppose, someone has to lose.",2 "It’s such great brain training that not only lets me observe my thought patterns from the passenger seat but it also helped to teach me not to engage with every thought that comes into my mind. The whole process of meditation is basically getting distracted by a thought and gently returning your attention to a home base (typically the breath) Its been a life changer in regards to being able to karate chop intrusive thoughts away by not engaging with them. Stay safe ya’ll.",1 "She was diagnosed so early for a girl. She got to pursue her passion and got support and now the world thinks she is cool (which she is), but I got everyone convincing me I wasn't smart or capable and all my deep passion and talents got pushed to the side until I became like everyone else as much as possible. I'm just sad at how I was convinced that I was just ""too sensitive"" and not smart about the world around me and not reading situations correctly when I believe I was.",3 "i honestly hope im not the only one. i wake up and have no energy to get out of bed. i haven’t showered in a week, and honestly it because sometimes the thought of getting out bed is the hardest thing to do on my off days. i know i need to do laundry, dishes, and clean the house..but what do i do? lay here for hours. i work 3 jobs 12-14 hour days so relaxing is all i want to do because for 4 days straight i have pretended that i have my life together. i’m losing my mind because i know i’m better than this..i just need some help and have no one there for me.",2 "I’ve been having bad stomach pain for weeks from my Sertraline dose (50mg) but it’s the only thing keeping me functioning so I have to cope. Problem is that I’ve got a lot of stomach ulcer symptoms. Im terrified of going into hospital, but I have to wait till Friday before I can speak to a doctor. I’ve been prescribed omeprazole to help with indigestion (what I believed it was when I talked to a pharmacist yesterday) but I’ve not felt any improvements yet. But now my brains fixated on it being an stomach ulcer and won’t listen to any reasoning I give it. I don’t want to die, but it feels like I will die from this. My intrusive thoughts tell me I’ll go to sleep tonight and wake up vomiting blood. My parents will rush me to ER but my stomach walls will have burned through. I’ll be in agony and panicking like hell, and I’ll die in the car on the way to hospital. The thoughts are telling me that if it doesn’t happen tonight, it’ll definitely have happened by Friday. I’m so stuck on what to do. I don’t know how to help myself. I don’t want to die, I’m 17, I’ve got my whole life ahead of me and it could all be taken away in seconds.",1 "I'm relatively new to this subreddit but since finding it, it's been a major awakening for me. The staggering similarities between the life experiences of other posters and my own continually amaze me. I've been on the Internet a LONG time, long before the Web, long before the accretion of the modern social media stratum that younger people now call the Internet. In my online travels, I've never encountered a group that I cleave to so strongly. You are indeed my tribe and I wish you all the best. A comment: I have a considerable problem with time. I don't mean necessarily from an ADHD perspective, i.e. focusing on one thing, completing tasks, getting to locations by a certain time, etc., I mean the actual passage of time. There was a thread yesterday that I commented on where I stated that I feel like, almost from birth, I had a set ""age"" or reference point within existence. When I was younger, I felt older. Now that I am older, I feel younger. I know this isn't true but I feel like time flows around me at that existence point. Physically, I age, of course, and that's a whole other anxiety-ridden subject because of the dichotomy between my chronological age and my cognitive ""age"". I also have the sensation of very strong recall and feel like memories that happened many years ago, even as far back as very early childhood, almost happened yesterday. It's both comforting and disturbing. But it also causes relationship problems. I am married: weeks, months and years have passed beneath my notice and my wife complains that nothing changes. She's right. I've (mostly) unconsciously manifested a reality that is largely immune to change. I sometimes feel like I""m in a time lapse film, watching the world advance. I'm H.G. Wells sitting in his time machine in his workshop watching the sun and moon race across the sky and the seasons flip like shuffled cards beyond the windows. Anyway, this quirk may have nothing to do with ASD but I wanted to see if anyone else experiences this. It may also be related to age, as time seems to accelerate for some people when they get older.",3 "Title. I'm the type of guy if I found something interesting, I would put in hours upon hours and give it my all to understand what I'm trying to study over trying to get an A even. The thing is I cant find that one thing that'll motivate me. Anyone feel like this? I love studying, if it's interesting enough for me, and at the same time I hate it to the point its unbearable if I dont like it at all, so I end up at square one again",3 "I spot a lot of posts here asking if anyone has had similar problems, but I often realize that pretty much everyone in the world has these exact same problems. I'm not sure if it's the weight of all the other issues that make these seemingly normal problems such a big deal that you have to make a post about it, or if these people really think that only people with autism could have these problems. Why do some people feel the need to bundle themselves together because of common issues that most NT's have as well?",3 "I don’t know if I am alone on this but does anybody had advice for reading with ADHD. I really enjoy the idea of sitting down and reading a book but I can never sit down for more than 5 minutes without becoming distracted. Whenever I do read, often I have to re-read the page because I blanked out half way through. Any advice would be much appreciated. PS. The material I am reading, I am very interested in, so interest is not an issue.",0 "Everyday I come to work I want to leave immediately. It’s so hard for me to come in. I’m too bored, too tired, I feel like shit just about everyday, I don’t have the energy to be here. But I feel so much guilt if I call in or say I need to go home early just because I don’t want to be here. And I know everybody “doesn’t like to work” but for me it’s always been so hard. I will have anxiety attacks or fall into a deep deep depression (I’m already clinically depressed) if I’m not enjoying my work. I don’t know what to do. I could just quit but then I’d have to find something quick to hold me over then I’ll be in the same situation. I’ve been through this too many times. Life just feels too hard and I kinda don’t want to do it anymore.",2 "21F. On medication for OCD. I recently had a party where I was little tipsy. Not too much. Some of my friends were properly drunk. I am not really a dancer, but watching others dance really made me feel like it too. However, while dancing I was being super sexy, like shaking my butt alot, dancing with some of my guy friends and even shaking my butt at them (like grinding but there was lots of space between us). I am now scared that I assaulted one of them.",1 "If the self harming is a legit way that it helps me calm down then is it ok? I mean I think it is better to have cuts on my arm then to end up killing myself because I didn’t relive it. Does that make sense? I cut sometimes and it is like water to a fire. If it’s not actually going to do all that much then is it better to do that then risk me breaking down and killing myself?",2 "4 years ago I was raped, I was knocked to my knees and given no choice of my own. That choice was taken away and after he was done using my mouth for his twisted gain I was left wallowing in a mix of my own vomit and his disgusting fluids. I couldn't scream I couldn't break free, all I could do was pray, a prayer of a faithless person falls on deaf ears I'm afraid. I thought I'd give up, that I'd end it all but I stayed alive only because it was easier than facing whatever awaits me on the other side. Eventually it got easier... I was recovering 1 year ago my father moved into my mother's house because she had fled away to another state. I tried to be good, I tried to do it his way but I couldn't ignore his disregard of my feelings and his abuse of the title of father. I found comfort in the arms of a man who I believed was good, who I thought could save me but I was wrong. He was selfish and cruel, he hit me and made me feel like I couldn't say no to his advances. Not that I would if I could, I saw this pain as easier to swallow than the abuse from a family member. when I tried to end the relationship he shackled me down in my mind, telling me that I didn't have a choice and that I was being selfish. Eventually though he'd let enough light in to let me go... but I went back again and again. I was with someone else after I had broken up with him. She was sweet and innocent. Until I met her girlfriend. She was my girlfriend's girlfriend, a person who was open to sharing her love and happy to please others. At some point it was just me and her, trying to make things work. I finally left to join my mom in her new home. It was a weekend in August, the same weekend that I had been raped 3 years prior, I went to visit her, to be with her. She broke down my mind, she convinced me I was a fragment of many shattered pieces that all wanted to be alive. She used my body without a sound mind, she held my throat until I couldn't breathe. She might've gone all the way if her mother hadn't drove up there and then... The same day. Different trauma. A different life.",3 " Hey everyone! Hope you are all having a nice day/evening. So, three years ago I was in a abusive relationship with my ex gf. The relationship lasted for 2 years and was pretty terrible. She was physically abusive, emotionally manipulative and just generally really mean. The relationship wrecked me... I now have mild-medium ptsd, cant do high fives due to memories of her suddenly slapping me etc... But that is not the worst part, the worst is how the abuse I endured rendered me completely scared to go into any other relationship since. I was 17/18 then and just had my 21'st birthday a couple a days ago and the best birthday present this year is a girl I recently met, like nearly two weeks ago. She is wonderful, seems sincerely nice and for the first time in a long while, my heart is starting to open up to another girl. It has been smooth sailing since the day we met, and we have met up nearly every day since last Saturday! Today hit very different. Suddenly as the situation is starting to shape up with us being together, I am panicking!!! I cant text her ,Im super nervous not to be to pushy or being on ''read'' and...just Im usually good with other people in that regard, I've had relations to girls in the past few years, which was strictly sexual and nothing else, but I can truly sense that something is going on between us and now it feels like I am back in my old relationship. I dont wanna make her upset, irrational thoughts emerge as ships on a foggy sea... ''She does not want me'' ''Im not good enough for her'' and most of all: I feel so fucking broken as a person and cannot for the life of me phantom why another human being would even remotely consider dating this scratched up record player which still is stuck up on melodies from long time ago. Reddit. I really feel like this could be the start of something wonderful and I feel like its already falling apart. Suddenly I am a detective looking for clues everywhere in the strangest places, for why she does not want to see me anymore... If anyone is or has been in a similar situation, help would greatly be appreciated!!! Love this sub, love you guys and have a good one <3",3 "Hey all. I’m wondering if anyone out there also experiences severe cognitive deficits during depressive episodes. I have spent the last 6 months in a bad depression, and today I’m having the first signs of it perhaps lifting. I notice that right now, my memory recall is much better than it was during this whole period. I am able to problem solve and think things through much better today. But for the past half a year I have been convinced that my brain was utterly broken. VERY sluggish thinking, lack of ideas, lack of critical thinking, lack of basically any thinking that wasn’t pointless rumination over little things I said and did that I regret. Forgetting information as soon as it’s told to me, not being able to follow even the simplest storylines in shows and movies… Inability to reflect on anything with any sort of depth or creativity. And perhaps most disturbingly: unable to access pretty much any memories of my life, save for a brief “blip”, bits and pieces of memory that are too vague to be meaningful or useful. Basically, my activities for the past 6 months have been extremely limited due to an inability to THINK. Every second it seems, I lose focus and slip into mindless rumination. Like I’m being completely overwhelmed by automatic negative thoughts, to the point where it’s literally not possible for me to engage with the outside world in any meaningful way. Now, I know rumination is typical of depression. But from what I understand, many people with depression retain their memories and much of their cognitive abilities despite the mood disorder. Does anyone else have such an extreme cognitive “switch” during depression, to the point where they feel totally and completely impaired like this? My brother also struggles sometimes with depression, but he’s still able to engage in activities that require some higher order thinking, such as playing video games. Every time I’ve tried to play video games during my episode I’ve given up because trying to remember the controls and objectives is just way too stressful.",2 My brother likes to make sudden moves at me and then make fun of me for flinching. I feel so dumb about it because I know logically that he would never hurt me on purpose (even tho he has knocked out 4 of my teeth from rough housing). I feel very degraded because ive built up so many walls to show no emotion due to my trauma and I still flinch and he knows how to fuck with me. Ive tried talking with him but hes on the spectrum (as am I) so theres a huge communication barrier between us. I feel so vulnerable around him. Idk where im going with this I just needed to vent,3 "Hi r/ADHD, Ive been undergoing treatment for anxiety and depression for the last few months. I was prescribed Sertraline, and all that did was make me apathetic and somehow lower my motivation even more. I was doing some research and i appear to match the profile quite well for someone with inattentive type ADHD, and think this maybe the root cause for my feelings. Ive asked my GP if i could be referred to the local mental health services for an assessment but Haven’t heard anything for a few months and i am aware that there is a long waiting list for these services. Has anyone had any experience with private assessment, and how it all works? It seems that the NHS is outsourcing to private services anyway through “right to choose”? Thanks.",0 "So I recently been obsession over how I walk, idk if it is apart of tocd, but i think it fits here aswell. Anyway what happens is I notice people walked differently male and female meaning, anyway I think my body movement in general is abit feminine it probably isnt, but for some reason I get intrusive thoughts about it. I also think I walk more femininity, but I also think I walk normal. I have been looking up how to walk videos on youtube, what I mean by walk more femininely, I don't strut or move my hips, I just notice that guys in tv shows walk abit differently then I do. Like they have abit more shoulder movement. I hate having to question all this cause it physically makes me abit anxious. How do I get the shoulder movement. How do I move upper body like that. I also blame my maladaptive daydreaming, aka making up scenarios, cause i usually make up stories for both male and female characters and i act them out usually. And i think walking was apart of it. Anyway i apparently need to figure out how to walk cause i have a stiff upper body when i do. My legs and arms are the only things that move when i walk. I also read that you should swing your arms from your shoulder but idk how.",1 "Mostly healthy food, but particularly anything with a strong flavour (acidic, e.g.), and cold foods like salad or even a lot of fruits, honestly make me want to gag. These are things I used to love. Is it depression?",2 "I have been suspecting myself to be on the spectrum for quite a while since my mom has been diagnosed with autism. But i am also diagnosed with ADHD so this is kinda hard to tell the difference between if it's just a hyperfixation or a special interest i have i REAALLY like My Little Pony, i know so much about it and my favorite characters are Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Derpy, DJ Pon3 [or her other name is Vinyl Scratch], Button Mash, and Screwball. currently i have been trying to catch up on the entire show so i can know more about it [currently on season 6 episode 17 i believe], and invest in it even more. but i am afraid if i finish the show, i am going to forget about it and like it less than how much i like it now. but i do have another hyperfixation which i think could be a special interest, it is the horror genre in like books/comics/tv shows/movies/plays, especially psychological horror it is my FAVORITE! i love every single aspect of the horror genre, I've never grown tired of it at all, there is so much of it i just wanna take in, i would like to rate movies all day, [my favorite one's are the Hereditary, Sinister, Sinister 2, and MaMa] i finished Hereditary yesterday and i just wanna say the movie was great i could go into how many psychological scare tactics they've used to make the watcher keep their attention instead of boring them, it's just honestly great. but still, i am a bit confused on what the difference is between a special interest and a hyperfixation. i have tried looking it up but i am still a bit confused about how long they are supposed to last and how many you can have",3 "Any supernatural fans out there? So I started rewatching for the (insert a large number here) time. Dean kinda nails it when he gets back from hell and is talking to Sam. Like no amount of talking is gonna make it better. Talking about it is just gonna make everyone around you uncomfortable and now gives them 1) potential to make your trauma theirs and have their own reaction 2) use it against you 3) I’m sure there’s more but I’m not dwelling. Idk I’ve been in therapy for 4 years. Last summer had a new bloody trauma. And a week ago had a full textbook flashback. Like. I did the work. I did everything I was supposed to and it still happened. I’ve been putting in so much work and my partner just told me yesterday I’m still impossible to live with. Someone. Give me a success story. Give me something to make me just not turn off and “tuffen up” mentality. I’m too tired to keep trying if it’s just always gonna be shit.",3 "I’m 18 and my family loved us from Ny to texas for a cheaper house in august. Now that I left, I have no friends and my ex left me. I have no one to talk to. Im so alone. Ik what you will say too, talk to your parents or try to distract myself. But distracting myself makes me think why im doing it and it is just like a cycle. I have no hobbies and don’t like to do anything. When I was in Ny I was really having the best time of my life because that was my life. Imagine if you just moved to another time zone and had to leave everything. I miss my friends and my old life that Ik I won’t get back. I would rather die than start from scratch. Idk how to make friends. Don’t even say I have to go out. Where the fuck do you possibly make friends? It doesn’t even matter because they won’t be childhood friends. I see everyone having fun and I’m sitting in bed crying all day not eating. Life just sucks",2 I’m having thoughts that make me feel the urge to grit my teeth it makes me worried that ocd can make me angry every time I didnt Think I got angry when I had ocd,1 "It's just sad. I'm so alone and it's been so long since I've dated. I met someone who is extremely toxic and I continue to engage with them despite their shitty behavior. My theme lately has been ""it's better than nothing"". I feel kinda pathetic honestly. The worst part is that this person quit talking to me again. They tend to go through cycles of blocking me and then talking to me.. it's like a real love/hate kind of thing. It's horrible for my sanity and health, but being alone and not even having anyone to talk to is even worse in my mind. They've also had an effect on me where I've been acting toxic too, even though I have no history of that kind of behavior. The whole thing needs nuked. Maybe she'll leave me alone this time, because I'm too weak to walk away myself.",3 "I have a big issue with obsessions and hyperfixations. I have a lot of special interests. Most of the time, they’re not actual people. But I’m also very lonely, and my friendships are very short-lived, so I have a tendency to quickly latch onto them when I make a new friend and can accidentally be overbearing. I cling onto that one person cuz I’m just so relieved to finally have a friend. Is this part of Asperger’s?",3 "I have ptsd from past abuses of all different kinds, one of them including severe neglect and manipulation. I have a friend that I now keep a very safe distance from because of the way hes treated me. He constantly used to gas light me, twist my words, manipulate the blame onto me, and do a lot of other things that have just worsened my anxiety over time. I have told him that I feel its best that I dont interact with him as much as I used to. He used to be a close friend I talked to every day, but now I just game with him on mute and thats about it. He had to leave our game early bc of some family issues and then told me what happened in that family issue which was a bit triggering, and my initial response to him was just ""kk"" I felt badly because I know that issue was bad for him but I just dont want to hear it from him anymore. I dont want to be close like that with him anymore and I felt repulsed and severely anxious because of what he told me and now I feel horrible for responding that way, but I just physically felt my stomach churn at the thought of trying to interact like that with him again, and I didn't want to be involved with that information. I feel like a terrible person for being so aloof to his issues, but thats just the immediate response my body had when he told me.",3 "Sometimes I worry that myself, and others in this community expect the world to accomodate them, and despite this being a fair request, it isn't something thats going to happen. I think we all had a rough time in high-school, and then in college, and certainly with work. Isn't it about time we realise, our masking and compromising behaviour has failed, and so there is nothing to lose by allowing our eccentricities out. We are the victim yes, but the only redemption from this is not continually playing into the victim mentality, its about making ourselves the hero of our own story, and commanding respect from others?",3 How do you respond to the intrusive thought of someone young being attractive to you?,1 "https://youtu.be/coLMS_L1J10 (Click on the YouTube link to view) If I were to explain to someone what ADHD is like, I would show them this video. Put aside the somewhat poor and exaggerating acting, I feel the symptoms and traits shown in the video are accurate. It can be really hard for neurotypical people to make sense of what are we going through just by reading through the cold clinical write-ups and symptom list. Visualising the struggles really help me to look back at myself and to educate the people around me in an easier way.",0 "I always used to be the one to reach out to connect. Now the situation is reversed. I've gotten quite comfortable not having to socialize with anyone, but the two real friends I had/have keep sending me texts to engage in conversations, and since I rarely do talk to people now, it's just so much work to even start up that process in my mind where one engages in conversation. I find it extremely taxing these days. I can respond and then chat for a while, but I do it more out of obligation to get some peace for another week before another text comes in about something mundane. How do I get it to stop without hurting my friends feelings? I just wanna live in a silent retreat until I naturally reach out myself, because I can't really process having social interactions over text that doesn't have a natural end point. Whenever a friend texts, I feel that guilt hanging over my head, that I should text him back. But then I will become engaged in conversation, and I don't want to do that right now. What do I do? Right now I default to just not answering because I literally don't know what to write. Should I not let the fear of loosing my friends govern how I act, if I need to really go into some deep meditation and just take care of my own needs for once?",3 Why dont I get panic or feel sick when I look at cannibal porn? I dont get an erection or feel aroused but I dont seem repulsed by it either?,1 "I'm new to dissociation but have been doing it constantly for the past week or so, I'll usually get triggered by something really small and get a really bad feeling and unfamiliar scariness,, I was so scared when it started happening I thought I was going crazy but now I know better what to do, I'll go away and listen to some soft music and tell myself good things or get a back rub or stroke the cat and I go into this cool floaty high feeling that feels really good. I definitely can't get any school work done at all because I'm constantly high but I kind of like it better than feeling trauma. I can't be the only one who sort of likes it after getting used to it?",3 I am thinking about what happened the disaster the fire. It got brought up unexpectedly around people I don’t know well at all. And I feel as if I’m gonna throw up. I hate ptsd it fucks me up. It makes broken and weird and unwelcome.,3 "I started self harming again today for the first time in years. I’m a walking cliché at the moment, but It felt so damn good to feel something other than the numbness of this absolute heartache. I do have a question though. How much C0 does a 4 stroke Euro-4 motorbike put out on idle?",2 "Hi! still struggling with schiz ocd... So there's thing thing I'm experiencing lately; it's mostly happening when I'm rather tired and/or anxious. So If I'm looking around in the room I do see things I was confronted with before (for example if I was listening to music before, I'll see the cover of the album I was listening to for a split second). It's like everything reminds me of things. It's pretty hard to explain though... I hope someone somewhat gets what I mean (-: what do u guys think, is this really ocd/ anxiety?",1 "***Preface:*** I try to deal with most of my quirks and problems by having a laugh about it. That is probably why its hard to be taken serious most of the time, but it beats getting depressed over everything all the time. And i don\`t know how anyone else feels about empathy, but personally i don\`t want someone feeling sorry for me, but i want to be understood, so telling something in a funny way protects me from the sad empathy responses. ***Context: ( not super relevant.. but you know.., i wrote it because i felt no one would understand if i did not explain everything.*** I started renovating a guest bedroom in my small crooked house over a year ago. i struggled very much due to perfectionism, and eventually had to replace all the support beams to level the floor and i had to tear down the roof so i could fix faulty placed wind barriers. but i freeze up all the time because i\`m not sure what step to do next, the house is about 100 years old and its never going to be perfect. But i managed to do all the hardest tasks before the project completely died off. Recently i got some help from family to restart the project, and now i can\`t focus on anything else, i can\`t relax, i can\`t watch a movie, i can\`t talk about anything else. so i need to finish this so i can relax without letting it die off again. so i\`m at a point now where i can\`t continue working alone, i need to get 2 sheets of drywall up to the second floor, and i can\`t carry them by myself, and i need to finish the wall before i can place the roof tiles, so i call my neighbor but he is sick ( live in country side so only one ). so then i call my friend who lives one hour away. he knows i have a problem with waiting but i told him to be honest, so if i had begged him he would have come to help me today, but as i have a conscience we agreed that he could come straight from work tomorrow and help me out with more than just carrying two drywall sheets up the stairs. ***Trying to explain:*** I told him: Its kinda like when you are super horny but you can\`t do anything about it, you crunch your teeth, you tense your muscles, and you can\`t replace it with any other stimuli. just like boys usually get in their puberty before they understand what is happening. He answered: eehmmm..... you.. are... on speaker by the way... *( I don\`t get embarrassed by stuff like that but i just thought his response was funny)* I guess its not the best analogy, but to me it feels kinda similar when i can\`t work on my hyperfocus. ***Support?:*** Does anyone else feel it that way? Does anyone have a better way of explaining it? How would a female explain it? (and what is the best way to explain to my gf) Is it inexpiable ? I have 24 hours before i can continue on my hyperfocus project, what do i do?",0 "I was lucky to be diagnosed young, and have parents who didn't understand what I had or what I needed, but understood that I had different needs because of my ADHD. ​ As such, I've had a lifetime to build and collect skills, tricks, and self-hacks to help myself through day to day life with ADHD. ​ My son didn't fall far from the tree, he looks like me, he's built like me, and his brain works like mine - so I wasn't surprised to see him exhibiting ADHD symptoms in a similar way to me around a similar time in school. ​ Even though we're similar, I know he'll have different needs, needs I can't predict. But I want to arm him with what I can, what I know and learn in the hopes that it gives him a leg up from where I started. ​ I'm not just looking for study habits and focusing techniques, though those are important. We all know that symptoms are just 1/2 the ADHD experience, the other 1/2 are the social and emotional aspects. Relationships, friends, self image, emotional stability. So anything related to having or living with ADHD is welcome. ​ Finally - as long or short as you want. One of my ADHD super powers is hyper-focusing when I read, so if you give me a wall of text I'll still read it. Thanks!",0 "Hi, so my friend just stood me up for the 3rd time in 2 weeks. It just feels like a middle finger in my face, like I’m disappointed and annoyed. I don’t know if we should just cut our friendship.",3 I haven't been able to get over 3 hours of sleep for a month because I've been so alert and paranoid. I look around my house and I just see everything that happened ever (I'm still in the environment where the traumas occurred). This has always existed but it's gotten so much worse this past month or so.,3 "So about 3 months ago I got confused when I came across a sentence with a double negative and ever since then I can't read without fully analyzing the sentence. I also started confusing words with their opposites after reading that dyslexics confuse words with their opposites. I've never had this problem 3 months ago and now I spend entire days thinking about a sentence. I also get an intense anxiety whenever I don't understand something on the first go or I confuse words. Yesterday I read the word ""export"" and I started thinking ""export and import are opposites am I sure I didn't confuse them?"" It's been really hard since I love reading and I don't wanna agonise over the meaning of a sentence. This has spread to tv too and now I have to pause every few seconds to take it all in. What's worse is I can feel it spreading to my mother tongue. Is anyone else in a similar situation? Is there anyway to stop this? Thanks in advance.",1 "Hello guys, I was just wondering, does anyone else suffer from psychogenic non epileptic seizures as a result of their ptsd? I was just hoping I could talk to more people about my experience.",3 "This is a stupid obsession or whatever. I avoid breathing from my nose as much as possible because of potentially bad smells. Sometimes my mind makes me think it's my own odor but it isn't. I have stomach problems and I'm gassy through out the day. Sometimes I have to hold my farts more or less. And when I accidentally breathe through my nose and I happen to be gassy, but holding in my farts, my mind makes me think I intentionally tried smelling it even if I didn't fart at all. It makes me question it and I get confused. That's a big problem because like I said, I'm frequently gassy. I'm trying to get the stomach issues resolved but the appointments I get are usually a month away. They're busy at the clinics. So when that happens, my first thought is that I need to shower. Showering is my way to ""cleanse"" myself from things like this or to reset myself. My go to cleansing method is washing my face with water but this fart thing is more anxiety inducing. However, I already showered a few hours ago and I don't want to keep doing this every single time. I usually shower every other day (I'm currently unemployed to better my mental health). If I don't ""cleanse"" myself, there are certain things I won't do at all because it will taint them. For example, since yesterday, I was planning on buying a movie online. But my ocd anxiety with a bit high, I was waiting for a good moment to buy it. And since this farting this happened today, I won't be able to buy the movie until I shower again otherwise it will taint the movie. The issue I have with things getting tainted is that maybe next time I watch the movie or if the movie inspired me somehow, the thought about it being tainted and the farting thing will always be on mind when I think about the movie. In reality, I know it's just the anxiety making me think this way. There have been things that were tainted (different ways) and I ended up forgetting it was tainted. The solution to my problem is exposure therapy. But it's so hard to do it on your own. I had OCD therapy a few years ago and we did these things. It worked very well. But I stopped taking my medications and stopped therapy because my ocd got stable. Unfortunately, my ocd came back early this year and it's gotten worse. I started my medications a few weeks ago but the effects won't kick in any time soon. Can anyone help me out? Maybe you have a similar story you'd like to share? This is something I've been dealing with recently and I just can't avoid doing things because it'll get tainted. This exact same thing happened yesterday.",1 "Okay. Phew. This is a long one and it’s my first time on here. This is my story. As to whether this all truly is all OCD or not I honestly do not know and all I want is to just get better cause I’m sick of waking up everyday not able to be able to feel like I’m living. When I was a kid, I always did weird shit. I don’t mean that in a totally negative way or anything. My thinking was really just black and white, basic, I liked everything in a system. I liked everything to be seen through and experienced perfectly. If I read a book, played a video game, or watched a movie, I had to make sure I was viewing it right. I had to be in the right mindset, I had to hear and understand each word. I had to do everything 100 percent in a game. It was just the way I did things. I never noticed any anxiety with it but it got worse when I would inevitably fail. It escalated to having this thing where I would wanna restart my life perfectly and do everything right. I wanted to be the absolute best I could be. I got bad in middle school. I got obsessed with the concept of morality. Like I couldn’t think or do anything. I couldn’t eat chicken or meat without obsessing over is it right to eat animals? Are we good people? Etc. it got worse and worse. Everyday almost I kept resetting and resetting. I had this mental ritual where everyday at exactly 6:00 pm I would try to perfectly restart my life and delete all my social media, video game files, and try to do it all over again just perfectly and to where it felt just “right” and epic. This was my life All throughout elementary and middle school. It sucked. I never got to truly get that perfect start and because of that I never got to just live in those moments and feel as though I was living. It wasn’t all bad however. There was so many amazing things and the friends I had I’ll never forget. When high school came, I began to try and get it together. I learned briefly what ocd was and by then I had already come to terms in my head that okay I’m just really different. I wasn’t anxious about it. I was a little worried yeah but when I heard what it was I told my friend and he said yeah that sounds like ocd. This is where the story is going to go for a full 180 so bear with me. In 2016 I was in high school and I was in this really manipulative relationship. I was honestly really messed up obsessing whether or not I could trust her when I learned and saw she had lied and used to me and had a big time victim personality. I’ll spare the details but one night I felt so terrible that the next day I woke up and I couldn’t feel anything. Not happy or sad or anything and I started obsessing about it. I couldn’t tell whether I was making myself think I was or not. I definitely “felt” like I was. But after that for a full year it was an utter and absolutely terrifying life for me. My obsessions got terrifying. I was having intrusive thoughts that I was a danger to people, that I was gonna snap and at any moment I could harm or hurt someone, I had intrusive sexual thoughts of the people that I loved and cared about, I was scared I was gay( my attraction for girls was super strong all throughout middle and high school until that incident and I never felt attracted to anyone. Just nothingness. I had nothing at all against being gay. I just did not want to lose how much I loved girls. It just wasn’t me or what I identify as as heterosexual.) My junior year I got put on Prozac and in 3 months of summer I felt so much better. The thoughts left. I wasn’t 100 percent cured but it was easier. I later was taken off of it and for a year or so I was fine. Flash forward to 6 months ago. It’s gotten so much worse. First all the terrifying intrusive thoughts from then returned and it was really hard but I pulled through. Now is here where I’m at now and this is where I have no idea how to move forward. My obsession with perfect starts and just living my life to the best of my ability is eating me alive. All I want to do is always make the right choice but I dont know if this is all me. Am I truly trying to be a good person or is it just cause my ocd is forcing me to? Am I going to be the same person after treatment? I really really hope I aim to do great things and be selfless and help others. I really do. Lately I had a massive anxiety spike a few days ago. I was playing the original donkey Kong on switch. A super very BASIC GAME right? I couldn’t do it. I have this thing where in my mind I can’t get the full experience out of a game unless I play the absolute first game in the series that came first with that feeling of “okay I did this perfect the way it should be”, I also have to know everything about its development cycle and I need to 100 percent the game. Donkey Kong is a super simple game but in my head I said okay I need to jump over 5 barrels on this first floor then 5 on the second then 5 on the third and I have to get all the items and I have to play it like I’m really in the game and it’s real life and I have to make the right choice and - you see why I’m really really freaking out right? You’re probably reading this and thinking Jesus this kid needs some serious help. I’ve “always” been like this and I’m sick of it. I want to stop being obsessed with starting on perfect days. January 1st. In my head last year I said okay 1/1/2021 sound so perfect and feels right to start fresh. When I was in middle school I was set in my head that I had to learn everything. I would obsessively read and restart taking notes in textbooks from school if I didn’t feel I was learning and taking in everything “right”. Honestly, as I’m writing this, I feel kinda anxious in my chest. It’s like my anxiety is throwing up all over this electronic keypad. Neat huh? Basically I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I’m like this. I just deeply deeply inside just want to be a good man with a good heart, not make the same mistakes as my parents, and go after my dreams and have friends and family behind my back but I can’t do any of that because I can’t tell what or who I am or want cause it’s all just obsessively doing things in a order and having that feeling of “perfect”. How do I combat this and how can I start practicing exposure techniques? Thank you and sorry if any one is reading this and not comprehending Any of it. Also if anyone has any advice of how to combat this if it is indeed OCD that would be a HUGE help. Thanks guys",1 "I'm not sure if this is a sign my CPTSD is getting better or worse but I've noticed loud noises have been triggering me more often and more intensely. Most of the PTSD is domestic violence, childhood abuse, or sexual traumas. Lately, I've noticed loud noises almost push me into a more severe hyperarousal. My pupils dilate and I feel intense, unexplained panic for things as simple as a fire alarm or fireworks. Even grocery shopping when there's a lot of noises and people gets overwhelming for no reason. Idk if anyone else has experienced this after a while of being in therapy or if there's something else going on with me.",3 " y'know, those neurotypicals that try to put you down because your adhd hindered your academic achievement? how do you convince them that that wasn't out of intellectual incapability? I've been put down my whole life. almost no one has ever had faith in me. many of the adults in my life told me i was smart, but i never believed them. at first, my grades were effortlessly impeccable, all high A's, little-to-effort put forth, a reading level 6 years past my grade level. i got medals for my academic achievement.. but then, middle school came. it was hell. everyone thought lowly of me. hundreds of kids told me i was stupid, and i believed them. i crumbled under the pressure. i still feel don't feel like i deserve to be where i am right now. i feel fake, like everyone around me will start seeing me for who i am, and when that happens, they'll abandon me... just like everyone else did.",0 "So, 6/7 years ago, i got diagnosed with adhd, I should have my 11 years by then, and what they explained to me is that adhd that in Portuguese translates to ""deficit de atenção, hipersensibilidade e impulsividade"" basically the same in English but in Portugal it's only referred as attention deficit or ""deficit de atenção"" and what they told me was that was something that maked me distracted (literally only this) and they didn't give me meds of nothing alike(apparently I didn't need meds, because I wasn't distracted at everything, because there were things that I liked very much like biology related sh*t, so you have an ideia of the test process) Later on 3 years, I couldn't concentrate no matter what, I was still the lazy kid that had great capabilities blah blah blah.. And so I got medicated with meds to concentration, it didn't have effect or it felt like my head pumping with more stimulation than usual so I dropped the ideia of meds. Recently I watched some adhd memes by accident on Instagram and was like ""hmmm this is oddly relatable"", after spending 2 hours watching memes of adhd I remembered that I was diagnosed with that, but didn't knew not even a inch of what it was I think that in Europe adhd isn't taken as seriously as it should be, in Portugal at least. Now I'm in university talking biology and geology (who knew ah?) and I don't like to study 3 days before almost every exam while being crushed by pressure should I seek help and start medication, because I don't feel like stressing so much all the time, I don't think my heart can take it. Sorry for my horrendous Portuguese-English",0 "Does anyone have PTSD from an early childhood trauma or is diagnosed with C-PTSD but displays several autistic traits and symptoms? Also when you suffer from PTSD are you aware of your trauma or could it present in a more subtle manner? Is it always nightmares and flashbacks or more passive symptoms too? Sorry if this is an insensitive question. If anyone could give me some answers I’d greatly appreciate it!",3 "I’ve been on a few medications now, and none have seemed to do the trick. I started with Ritalin, but it only rocketed up my heart rate and blood pressure without any positive effects. So we switched to Concerta, and I saw a HUGE change in focus. For the first time I had energy and got SO MUCH done! However, it was still really messing with my body. Some days I’d be fine, just some jitters, but other days my whole body was shaking and heart racing like I was in a panic attack that lasted HOURS. I had so many heart symptoms like my hands and feet going cold or my limbs falling asleep when I slept. It sucked. So now, I’m on Adderall. I have low doses of both extended release and quick release, and my psychiatrist has given me some wiggle room on experimenting if 10 or 20mg works better, timing on the extended/quick pills, etc. At 10mg my heart rate still goes up a bit, but the symptoms are overall so much less than when I was on a low dose of Concerta. But my focus isn’t much better. I tried 20 and I could feel the jitters and anxiety starting again so I’ve only tried it once. I’m feeling so discouraged. I can feel the medications working but anything high enough dose and my body goes into “I’m going to die of a heart attack” mode. I’m worried non-stimulants won’t work for focus. And I have another appointment next week to discuss if the medication is working. My psychiatrist says we just have to find the right one, but I’m starting to worry none of them will be the right fit. That any stimulants will cause too many side effects and I’ll be left unmedicated again, that there isn’t a fix for me. Has anyone else had a similar experience?",0 """Well.. let's get this done.."". ​ Hello reader, ​ It feels strange writting about my feelings and thoughts. ​ Ok, I tend to over-share allot about my mental health and breakdowns to random people and coworkers. Which causes them to fake a interest and smile before they slowly turn and run. ​ Which works for me.. because I don't have any connection with them. ​ In some of way, I am trying to shout for help.. ​ Signalling and waving flags to anyone. Subconscious trying to find help. ""I know it doesn't work and that it most likely backfires"". I'm ok with that. ​ ""And now the people who should care and pick-up the signs."" ​ The people I do have a connection with like, my partner, friends, family or anyone else who should actually care about in which state my mental health is in don't even react to any signs and red flags. ​ ​ To be continued..",2 "So I’m pretty sure I have PTSD, months ago I was in a really bad relationship and he was really abusive in many ways, and since then I’ve had certain triggers that sent me spiralling into a panic attack or crying,or I end up disassociating to what someone is saying and It feels like I get put back in time to when I was with my ex , like he was hurting me all over again How to I help with the trigger? Any suggestions? Please.",3 "I understand why but when speaking it’s not clinically correct to say we have Aspergers. We are now apart of the autism spectrum disorder. Which makes sense when you think about it. Edit note (DSM-5 I meant)",3 "There’s been times where I’ve agreed to do things i didn’t want to do either to be nice, or to make it easier to be friends. One example was a time i ran an errand for a friend during a heat wave because i cared about her and wanted to be nice, even though i really didn’t want to.",3 Which is nice since I’d rather not look like an unshorn Mongolian Yak from the high steppes from the Far East while I’m recovering from PTSD. It’s getting ridiculous and permission to think of hair care as self care is a welcome one.,3 "I can't anymore. I fucked everything up, i hate myself. I am done, I am going to end it all soon. I am so scared. Please dont be like me, dont let it get too far. Take care of yourself.",2 "I have intense and vivid visualizations of killing myself or killing my husband. This happens as many times as multiple times a day or as little as once a week, depending on my anxiety and depression levels. I also suffer from intrusive thoughts ocd. Usually it’s just the thoughts. But sometimes I feel this urge in my body, in my veins, that I need to exert my energy to hurt myself and sometimes I am spontaneous and will try to hurt myself. I’m just so tired of falling in and out of deep depression and fighting myself to stay alive. If that makes sense? How does SI present itself to you? How do you keep going?",2 "I recently saw someone say that deep down we “know” when a false memory is false, but I can genuinely say that I don’t. On top of the memory sort of feeling like a flashback with actual recollection that I can’t recall afterwards, I’m genuinely lost. I don’t want to have hurt someone and I don’t think I’m that person, but what else am I supposed to think with these false memories, something actually happened in my town at the time I was going through harm ocd, and my social media activity was irregular at the time??? I hate myself & my life at this point. I feel like a fraud and like I don’t belong in this community even though I’m diagnosed",1 "Never done any therapy. i suffer from OCD since i was ~14 years old. Of course I didn't even know i had something wrong until thinking back years later that ""Holy sh*it i had THAT BAD of an ocd back then?"" Those were the peak years, i couldn't touch anything because i would get the urge to clean it right away, i couldn't let anyone touch anything because if they touch them i can't touch it because contamination from something. And a lot of other symptoms, like i was 3 hours in the shower ""to remove any contaminations"". Everything in my room had to be PERFECTLY aligned or i would suffer. I had to listen at my phone's ringtone song (over the horizon) before bed, but i had to listen it over and over until it felt ""just right"" (sometimes even took 1 hour to feel it just right) and many other little symptoms that i can't even remember. Slowly but surely my symptoms decreased, especially 2020 when after lockdown my lifestyle changed meeting my girlfriend, i slowly couldn't care of those compulsions and they died. My shower now takes 20 minutes from the 3 hours i would take when i was 15 or 16 (I'm now 19 yrs) I'm not 100% OCD-free though. I have to clean my phone a lot of times without any reason, although not everytime so it doesn't create any suffering. my contamination ocd comes back a little bit when i buy new things. I have to have them clean, it's not bad as it was years ago but i can notice i try to have them clean or ""contamination free"" I don't clean my phone because it needs to be clean, but because if it's not extremely clean, when i touch my other objects they could get dirty/contaminated. TDLR: i had extreme ocd 5 years ago, now it's mostly gone but it is still present. I would like to hear different people's advice in the comments below. Should i seek therapy? Would they give me medicine? I'll answer to everyone (if there are comments)",1 "I've seen some advice such as changing diet and meditation, I felt like my OCD was so bad and was not sure if they would work so just decided to ignore them. Maybe I'll try them though. Is there any advice you were actually surprised that worked?",1 I have no interest in living. Do not want a partner or kids. Been a loner since childhood. Always gave me and still gives me comfort. Don't know how to find interesting things. Just existing...........,2 "I’m considered an essential employee, i work for a rescue organization that cares for and adopts out senior dogs. I also have a history of cancer (went through multiple rounds of chemo and radiation) and PTSD, both of which affect my immune system. I’m so scared right now. This whole global pandemic has me hyper vigilant all of the time. I’m scared to leave my house and go to work. And my work is a complete shit show right now. I only started 2 months ago and it’s been a, for lack of a better word, clusterfuck. It’s my first job as a supervisor and i don’t even know how to do my job because this place has no protocols or SOPs and by the second day of my workweek i feel like my brain is melting. To make it worse, the owner/executive director is not taking the whole covid-19 thing seriously. We are still allowing visitors, we have one employee out with covid symptoms and another who was in florida for spring break and is still coming to work everyday. I can’t quit my job or I (and my two cats and dog) might become homeless. I just don’t know how to handle any of this.",3 "I have to admit, this story is a little funny (and it was funny when it happened). My phone had died so I was looking something up on my friends phone when she received a sext. I read it without thinking before giving her her phone back. We all laughed about it but I felt like I was going to throw up after reading the text. I had already been feeling weird after trying to find info on a cold case from the 90s. And I still haven’t found a new therapist (I moved) so I think I’m slowly going crazy. When I think about my trauma it doesn’t sound real or believable. I don’t remember how it could have happened enough to get more info without just retraumatizing myself. I don’t know. I feel like I’m in a dream that I can’t wake up from sometimes.",3 "The voices in your head? Watch out for them 'cause they might fool you! Only a fool could be fooled by its foolishness.! Do never fall under the tricks of the voices, cause they are tricky and desirably good to ease the pain from the inside out. And be aware 'cause once you feel the ease by hurting yourself it's hard to stop that. You will always want more and more like pretty little pieces of happiness. The only difference is that it all happens in the darkness alone with them ... The voices. ""For my soul that is in a suffering state of being trying and fighting to understand itself while take prescribed little pieces of happiness "" ..",2 "I’m tapering off clomipramine (as discussed with my doctor) because it really isn’t doing it for me anymore. This is the first time tapering off meds in about two years and god it really sucks. I am extremely depressed and my pure o is so bad. I can’t get out of bed. Once I have this out of my system I am trying out Luvox which I am looking forward to trying. The withdrawals just suck right now. Does anyone have any advice on how to get through this? Ps I was on 37.5mg, I went down to 25 and so far it has been 3 days that I have been taking nothing.",1 "(I’m sorta assuming that this is a common feeling for people with adhd). It’s kinda disheartening because I feel so strongly about this something and how much I love it, but I know that I’ll find something else to latch onto later and I won’t ever be able to replicate my love/excitement around my current hyper fixation again. It makes me question whether my feelings about these things are real, and whether I’m capable of making long term commitments towards important things like relationships (seems kinda dramatic when I say it like that, but I’m concerned that my likes are so impermanent that I couldn’t maintain attraction to someone or something). I had an entire mid-life crisis-esque breakdown about this when I was like 12 when I realized I was getting kinda bored with Pokémon. I mean, I still love Pokémon, but I don’t wear my Ash Indigo League hat wherever I go anymore. Anyway, it makes things hard for me to whole heartedly enjoy anymore :/",0 "I don’t know what to do . I feel so empty inside, all my dreams and ambitions is fading away . There is a small part of me tell me to fight but i feel I’m too broken to fight , and it’s useless . Sorry for not making any sense . I just want to get it out . Thank you for reading this",2 "My ex-mother's second husband was my step father for most of my life. She divorced my dad when I was 2, remarried when I was 4. New step dad was a monster who started molesting me almost immediately, and continued sexually abusing me until I left at age 20. My mother knew, and didn't defend me in any way. Back story: when my ex-mom divorced my dad, a significant portion of his family sided with her. One of my dad's aunt's was her matron of honor in her second wedding. Another of his uncles designed custom wedding rings. I went no contact over 5 years ago. My ex-mother has not tried to contact me since I graduated college 4 years ago. I found out later she and my rapist divorced shortly after that. He has tried to reach out 3 times now, the most recent being last night. He called my dad's uncle at his jewelry shop to try to get a message to me. My cousin, who I had thought was safe despite her parents, messaged me on Instagram with no warning, passed on my rapist's message and pressured me to contact him because his mom is dying. I panic spiraled last night for 3 hours, purged all of my social media, and barely slept due to nightmares. I was just starting to feel safe, to get my trauma under control and start dealing with it. Now I'm absolutely spiraling and feel completely out of control.",3 "Recently, I've had a bout where my OCD has been really convincing me that I will never feel better if I don't do my compulsions. Now, I know that's a load of BS and yet I still feel worried. I've always said that OCD is a smooth-talking disorder that can convince people of anything. So how do you deal with OCD appearing to be so dang convincing?",1 "Hi everyone. If you realised you had ADHD later in adulthood (especially if you're a parent who is 50+) I'd really appreciate it if you could look through this post and share your thoughts/experiences so I can possibly help my mum Some background: My mum very likely has ADHD and it makes her life really difficult. She struggles mostly with organisation, time-blindness, focus, and impulse control. She thinks she has ADHD and has thought so for a long time. I'm 21 and I have OCD and possibly also ADHD or ASD (awaiting formal assessment). I've been in and out of therapy for around 5 years, and have had a decent amount of success with it. I have always been supportive of mum seeking therapy too, and potentially medication, but she really does not want to. I've accepted that I can't make her and it's not helpful to keep pushing her. So now I'm trying to think of other ways I could help her out. Mum lives with my dad and my grandma. Mum and dad work full time in quite tiring jobs, so my grandma does most of the household tasks -- however, now she's getting older she can't do much I'd like to preface that I'm not looking down my nose at my mum and judging her. She agrees that all of the issues discussed here are indeed issues, and her life is fairly dysfunctional right now. I really care about her and she doesn't deserve all of the stress she's under Some of the struggles: The house is small and a bit chaotic: my mum has many creative hobbies (part of what has made her an awesome mum) but there are dozens of boxes of various art supplies piled high on furniture and across the floors of almost every room. She also has a small online business, but her stock is mixed in with her hobby supplies and the supplies she takes into work, which makes it difficult to keep on top of things. We have tried to designate weekends and days off to organise the house, but it ends up being too stressful. Often she and another family member will end up arguing because they think she's not trying hard enough (she is trying). Mornings are particularly chaotic. It's hard for her to stick to her to keep track of time. Some days she'll remember at the last minute that she had to take something into work, and will have to rifle through all of her boxes until she finds it, and will cry, yell, and panic in the process. Some evenings she'll get a sudden surge of inspiration and will be up doing crafts until 2am without realising it, and will then struggle at work later that day. She will often impulsively buy new supplies in the middle of the night, too, and then regret it -- it's a financial and organisational issue. I'm temporarily living back at home right now, and I do as much as I can to help out: I get up pretty early so I can help her pack her bags and lunch etc., and help her calm down if she needs to. Throughout the day I do all of the cleaning, laundry, and general errands, and I do most dinners and dishes. I don't mind helping my mum, but I don't have the capacity to do it all: I do have my own job, responsibilities, and mental health issues that can get in the way. And I'm moving back out in around a month. The other family members are aware of what ADHD is and agree that mum likely has it. It is well documented that it runs in our family. They do their best to help, but they only have so much time and capacity too, and they're a bit resentful of her unfortunately As I mentioned earlier, mum doesn't want to bring this up to her doctor or seek therapy. She is well educated and very intelligent, so she's adamant she can self-help herself out of this. It's hard though, I've never been able to manage my own issues alone. Other people think she just needs to try harder, focus more, and ""chill out"" but I know it isn't that simple, as does she. But neither of us know where to go next to actually improve things She is generally better when I'm home to help out, but as I mentioned, I can't do it all and I am not back at home for long. I’m considering suggesting to my parents that they employ some sort of housekeeper/organiser/home help, but I’m unsure how to bring it up, and I'm not sure if it's even a good idea? I don't know anyone personally who has done this to help manage ADHD I love my family so much, my mum has been an amazing parent to me, and I really want to support her however I can. As I mentioned, I am being assessed for ADHD and ASD myself, and OCD can cause a lot of executive dysfunction problems too -- so I empathise and want to help, I hold no judgement. If anyone's been in this situation, I'd love to hear your experiences TL;DR: My mum very likely has ADHD, and doesn't want to see a doctor or therapist. I am taking on too much responsibility to try and help. I'm considering suggesting they get a professional organiser or housekeeper or similar, but I don't know where to start. I really want advice, especially from other people who realised they had ADHD well into adulthood and may relate to my mum's situation",0 "I've been trying different meds for a year now and nothing really works. I've seen so many posts where people take their first dose and start crying because they finally feel ""normal"" but I never experienced that, most of the time I just feel anxious. People here often say that they feel calmer when they take stimulants or when they drink coffee but for me, it's the complete opposite, sometimes I can't even drink black tea because it makes my heart go crazy. This whole experience made me doubt if I really have ADHD and I just feel so crushed. I thought that when I finally start taking meds I'll be better but now I have nothing. All the symptoms match but the treatment just doesn't work. I don't know what to do. Edit: Oops, sorry for not responding, everyone. I actually forgot lol",0 "# Heed the trigger warnings because this is going to hit hard if we went through the same thing, and I DON'T want to trigger anyone. ​ Fair warning, I'm not doing so great, and it's...seriously not pretty. Long post. The anniversary of my trauma was ten years ago this May (won't say which day) and since the event affected over a third of my hometown, you can imagine PTSD rates were higher there than in most nearby places. Naturally, on every anniversary (...until 2019) the whole city gets together and has a moment of silence to remember the fallen followed by festivities to celebrate life going on. My husband and I generally travel home each year for this event, and this year being the first double-digit, it's supposed to be big. My PTSD is improved, the weather should be fine, so what's the problem, right? *Grudges.* Certain members of my family hold a grudge against me for something I did the day my PTSD was born. Since y'all aren't living in my head, I'll fill in the gaps here. I was afraid of storms - we're talking *rocking on the floor of the closet because it's spitting outside* levels of phobic. Naturally, I got a tornado dropped on my front lawn...think Katrina, but a tornado. I won't go too deep into detail to spare myself and anyone who reads this but...it was worse than any nightmare I'd ever imagined. There were more deaths in my neighborhood than I care to remember, and those who weren't killed staggered down my street to get to the nearest medical facility only to be turned away because the building was about to fall. Needless to say, survivor's guilt is the kind of bitch who cheats on you, drains your bank account, steals your car, and leaves you sole custody of a kid who looks nothing like you. The time immediately following the tornado was a seemingly endless play of twists, turns, and *oh, heck, now we've got something else to deal with.* There were no phone lines. There was no electricity. The plumbing didn't work, the cell towers were down, neighbors without windows or roofs had to bunk with neighbors who had them, and the entire time, we could hear people literally screaming themselves to death in their collapsed homes from every direction...and that's just what happened *after* I woke up. Because, you know, I fainted. I screamed so hard I stopped breathing, everything went black, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up on the floor in my husband's arms, choking on my own lungs. I'll spare you the rest of the story; suffice it to say, ""Cold"" and I fled with neighbors until we could find someone able and willing to take us in, and I spent most of that time so deep in shock I could probably have powered a lightbulb. I wasn't home; I wasn't *there.* You could have gotten more brain activity out of a downed fence post. I was borderline catatonic. ​ **This is my crime:** *I told our families to stay away.* At first, I couldn't call my family. I couldn't call *Cold's* family. I couldn't get a call out to *anyone,* and neither could Cold. Eventually, my family got a call through, and they told me they were on their way and almost there...and *I told them to go home.* Sounds like an asshole thing to do, right? Well, I wasn't doing it to be an asshole. My brain wasn't even functioning well enough to register that I couldn't wash my hands because the pipes were burst and the electric water heaters were DOA. My relatives in question were less than a mile away from our home but it wasn't safe to be in the neighborhood. A returning neighbor told us there was a gas leak not half a mile from us; we were on a hill and told to 'shelter in place.' There were downed lines everywhere in the neighborhood and a particularly nasty one at the entrance to our one-way street. There was debris on the streets feet high, downed trees, no street lights, and people were walking to get help and liable to get hit by frantic drivers...and it was starting to rain again. As much as all that, I didn't want my family to see what was left of my neighborhood. In my state of shock, I tried to protect my family from harm, from accidentally harming others, and from seeing what I was seeing...and that, apparently, is unforgivable. I found out later that Cold did something similar with one of his relatives. It's been ten years since that tornado and just as many since I tried to explain my reasoning for my apparently offensive choice, and the grudge-holding relatives still haven't forgiven me. I've been through survivor's guilt and depression, intrusive memories and flashbacks, and panic and anxiety attacks galore. *They still haven't forgiven me*. I've conquered my phobia and learned to control the worst of my PTSD symptoms. *They still haven't forgiven me.* I've done everything in my power to make up for my attempt to protect them, and for being unable to do something more when I could barely even *function,* on that *one day* ten years ago. *They...still...haven't...forgiven me.* It's been *ten effing years* \- ten years of fighting my way tooth and nail back to some sense of normalcy, regular night terrors about my loved ones dying in my arms, and doing everything I can to be a happy, optimistic, *kind* person. Ten years, and several times per year, those people throw their grudge in my face as if they caught me beating a *puppy* to death or something instead of trying to protect them from the dangers they couldn't see. The other day while discussing the upcoming anniversary, one of Cold's relatives said something that twigged me horribly: *I'm still angry.* They wouldn't explain and insisted on a change of topic. Those ten years of being *not forgiven* by others are the only reason I managed to go on like nothing even happened; to them, I probably looked perturbed, but honestly, I felt like I could vomit right there on the table. I *still* feel like I could vomit, and it's been a few days now. I'm used to the grudge from *my* family, but *Cold's* family? That...*God,* it hurt to think she, too, might hate me for what happened that day. It *still* hurts. The idea of yet another person I love *hating me* for something I did while I was in shock has triggered a mild relapse. Last night, I dreamt about Cold bleeding out in my arms - *again* \- while tornado sirens blew outside, and today, I've been jumpier than usual. If this is anything like previous examples, I'll have a panic attack before it's over, and have to go back on medication again. ​ I was in shock and I was trying to protect the people I love...is that really so terrible that I don't deserve forgiveness? With every year that passes, I wonder more and more if they are right.",3 I’ve been dx’d previously with ptsd from trauma growing up and into young adulthood and my best friend died in a car wreck a little over a year ago but now I am having a lot of dream like images popping in my head when doing things that could go wrong. Very similar to final destination as lame as that sounds. I could be driving and just picture the car going off the road. Its not limited to the car but that one is like glaringly obvious. Does anyone else experience this?,3 I’m nervous but I know this is my next step to recovery and feeling like myself.,1 "Basically, title's above. Any OCD theme is horrible, I know. Real-event OCD seems to be the worst for me, personally. But my deeds, well, damn. They were actually bad. Is it still justified to stop obsessing then?",1 "The most frustrating thing is a combination of these two… on days when I’m feeling okay or trying to start to feel better with my DP, the intrusive thoughts kick in. With DP it feels like everything around me isn’t real I don’t feel like myself when I look in the mirror it’s like someone else is looking back at me. While logically I know it’s me, it gives me anxiety… I’m a very extroverted person, so DP is super hard especially when people are so use to me talking and going out and doing things. My intrusive thoughts don’t make it any better. Don’t even get me started on the amount of time I have to convince myself day to day that I don’t have a serious mental Illness and it’s just DP.. so whenever I start to feel semi okay, my intrusive thoughts begin to start up and my anxiety comes back just to refuel my DP… I feel like it’s a f***ed up cycle (not sure if we can curse on here) :(",1 "Got off a good day at work and went to go wait for the bus as usual right? For some reason I get a bus driver who I guess has a stick up her ass or whatever. Most bus drivers are chill and just want to get work done and take you where ever you need to go, most bus drivers are fine with sitting in the back or whatever if you already paid and are just heading down town especially at night. Not this one though. Not fucking this one. I said ""Just give me a transfer and I will use it for the ride for downtown"" no, has to lie and call her supervisor and say I'm a threat. I stormed off the bus, what does the supervisor do? Looks me in the face with a smile and says on his little radio "" Dont let this one person with a black hat and Nasa shirt on any buses"" and I flipped. It was almost 10 pm, Im off my meds, I just want to get home and get through this week till I can get my meds again but no. Fucking no. I screamed out: ""THANK YOU! YOU GAVE ME A REASON TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF TONIGHT! WHEN I DO IT'S YOUR FUCKING FAULT!"" Not a good thing to say but I didn't care. I called my mom told her what happened, dude calls the cops, says the bus driver told him I didnt pay for both nights (I had a transfer to prove I did), says I was being a threat, and other shit. Cops talked to me, got me in an ambulance, and I got my meds again so thats good. I have to pick them up tomorrow. Im on my way home and Im just tired. I thought I could make it to Friday, I felt good today but no. Nope. I swear and people say women cant be abusive towards men or whatever. No this bitch has thr nerve to call her supervisor on me and say that I threatened her and didn't pay. I did pay actually and YOU GAVE ME A TRANSFER TO PROVE I DID YOU STUPID BITCH. I didnt fucking threathen her or her supervisor I actually got off the bus for you, I threathen to kill myself actually fuckers. Just like why? You know. Its the public bus, its almost 10 pm, I just want to go home. But no she has to treat me like a child (Im 22. What fucking child you know is comeing home at this time of night in work clothes????), take out her shitty day on me, make things complicated, lie, and just make things bad. Make everything bad. Honestly I just wanted to make it through Friday. I HAD to make it through Friday but no. Nope. It's always a fucking women. Always fucking is. Edit: PLEASE CONTUINE BLAME ME IN THE COMMENTS! Go on. Please fucking do and tell me I fucking horrible and shouldn't be happy or alive. Please do. Please I dont fucking care.",3 "Someone recently asked me what my biggest regret in life was. When I was about 10/11 years old I had my first thoughts of suicide, i hated life, bullied at school, bullied at home etc etc without harping on about my personal shit that no one wants to hear, my biggest regret is not following through with my thoughts when I was young, the older I get, the more I see life for the piece of shit that it is, the more bad things happen, the things that happen are even worse and honestly, no good has come since those thoughts of my younger years and everytime I slightly lapse into feeling better I get brought back to reality with a slap, Don't get me wrong, you'd never know I feel this way, I'm always chipper around people and work colleagues, I don't walk around like at a funeral, but I've never vented like this before anywhere in my life, I'm fed up.",2 " I’ve had ocd for a long time. In the form of general ocd, religious ocd, ZOCD, HOCD, and now POCD. The thing is since my religious ocd I’ve had these HORRIBLE compulsions of feeling the anxious urge to search up the things I don’t want to/am most scared of. It’s like if I don’t do it I’m scared my anxiety will get worse and I feel like I just have to do it to make the anxiety temporarily go away so I feel like I have to get it over with. I don't want to but I can feel a build up of anxiety and feel that doing so would be the release for it even though I know it's not. Examples: when I had religious ocd there was a specific topic I was scared of called the dark night of the soul, I feared god would do something horrible to me. Basically whenever there was any sort of search bar I got the compulsion to type that in even though I desperately did t want to see it and feared it and knew it would make my anxiety worse. During my POCD I had the compulsion to search up “shota” because I feared I was attracted to children and felt I HAD to search it to make sure I wasn’t. When I had HOCD I had the compulsion to look up gay porn and lesbian fanfictions and stuff even though I didn’t want to Does anyone else have these kinds of compulsions? I feel so alone, it’s like I lose control of myself and become a slave to the ocd, I have to do the compulsion, hoping it’ll make me feel better, but it always makes me worse.",1 "I work at mcdonalds which is a pretty fast paced environment and I frequently make stupid mistakes because I get overwhelmed from so little. My coworkers probably think I'm stupid and sometimes I wonder if I am and it has nothing to do with adhd and they're right. One distraction and I forget what I was doing before. Ughhhhh Why can't my meds work already, straterra sucks.",0 " Please help me my OCD is so bad I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so scared I'm gonna lose my mind. I suffer from Real event OCD and constantly regret befriending this one person in my past. Yesterday I watched a video on YouTube 12 Emotions You Might Feel But Can't Explain and read this comment saying ""The feeling of realizing, that every person is a real thing. That they see with their own eyes and think."" and that was it for me. My mind is forcing me to see world throw that person's eyes like I'm becoming that person, like I'm them, it feels like they're in my head with me like an intruder. My mind is convincing me this person is living in my head with my right now and I just can't fight it. I had thoughts like this before but last few days my OCD got so my worse that I can't fight it like I could anymore. It's telling me that this person is also talking with my loved ones or in a few days I'm supposed to leave for my dream college but my OCD is telling me this person is going with me and I want to die I don't know how am I gonna live with this please help...",1 "so basically i have this issue where everything i say feels like im lying i feel like i have two sides like my dad i never yk like im laughing rn at yt i feel something sometimes i laugh while I'm playing my pc with my friends i laugh i scream its so fun i feel normal but when im not i feel nothing i feel empty and paranoid i never leave my room my mum trys to get me to go out but i cant she says to go to the beach i fucking hate the beach i hate her she saw my cuts and she took one glance at them and said your going to a hospital i said no im not mum she said shes tired of me trying to guilt her she thinks me expressing my genuine attempt at seeking help as trying to guilt her i feel empty allot of the time like im experiencing life in third person when i feel empty, i cant feel half the time the other its just me laughing but i still feel empty like even when im yk laughing i dtill feel shit i feel so like weird i feel like my brain doesn't accept my reality like it feels like i cant accept my own thoughts and emotions idk why im posting this i need help ik u do but i dont want help i just want to die like theres nothing anyone can do i dont want to be fixed i wanna live in my room until i die also i always wanna like beat the fuck out of someone but i dont always wanna hurt anyone like im like 5 10 80 kgs yk im not small i just want to realise",2 So doing my exposure therapy by myself I've noticed that I believe I'm more afraid of my intrusive thoughts that actually when I have the triggering Object in my hand? Anyone else experience this to? I have Pure O/Harm OCD by the way,1 "First off I'm not diagnosed , IM NOT LOOKING FOR A DIAGNOSE HERE. I want to know if this is relatable , and i suspect i might have autism but I'm not sure because my mom says I'm normal even tho she and dad call me crazy and insane when i have something that i suspect is a meltdown (i get super mad or sad very easily, my dad has called me the Arabic equivalent of ""retard"" many times). I've done online tests just to know something and on all of them i get ""high"" / ""very high"" autistic traits, but I'm not sure, I'm gonna seek a diagnoses sooner then later. I'm meeting s doctor in 2 days, bur not yet a psychiatrist. My main question, is what counts as a routine? I'm trying to analyze myself but i have trouble remembering stuff so it's very hard I've been eating, same food every day for over a year , same breakfast, dinner and lunch. Tho my mom on plenty of days changes up so ""i don't get bored"". I tell her I have no problem eating same food and she doesn't need to change I don't get angry or mad when she changes up food but i get little upset, for example if i don't eat oatmeal for breakfast i feel like i have too little energy to focus in school. And when i eat food, i make sure to watch a 22 minutes long YouTube video. It could be 2 videos but it needs to be around 21-25 minutes in total. And extra 3-5 minutes for the ""after eating"". I basically take a big bite 1 minute in, then for 9 minutes i just""small eat"" (eating as little as needed to stimulate my taste buds ) and then take another big bite. wait 7 minutes and ""small eat"" (i eat very slowly ) . While I'm eating i always check time stamp for the video so i know when to take the next bite and when to stop ""small eating"". After 7 minutes of ""small eating"" , i take another big bite and then wait around 4-5 (small eating) and take a huge bite. I fill my mouth with oatmeal and topping. I fill it up as much i can , swallow and then ""small eat"" the rest slowly and take 2 bites . One after 2 minutes and one at the end . And When I'm eating oatmeal thr topping needs to be in a certain way. The peanut butter needs to be in the center of the plate and the rest of the plate needs to have only drizzles and sometimes some clumps. And when I'm topping with almonds, i cut them in half and place them in certain patterns/ geometry. I do this with every meal i eat, basically big bite > small eat for 10 mins > big bite > small eat 5-7 minutes> huge bite > small eat for 2-3 minutes> big bite> small eat> final bite. I do it similarly when drinking smoothies, i need follow this pattern or i don't enjoy food. When anyone walks in on me or talks to me when I'm eating i get really mad and come off aggressive. My mom thought I was hurting her feelings. I didn't mean to but i get mad when someone disrupts my eating patterns. I have a specific pattern for every food i eat, sandwiches, hamburgers, pizzas , oatmeal, smoothies, salads and everything basically. I've done this for over a year , but i don't recall if i did This as a toddler or a baby. My mom always told me i had trouble trying new food tho. My mom Said as a baby i would eat whatever but once i got 4-5 and more i needed to eat foods I'm familiar with . As a kid i was addicted to sweetest and don't really recall if i had This eating patterns. Tho i did watch a 11 minutes videos Always while eating as a kid and i always struggled with small eats ever since i was a kid and now. Like even after eating meals sometimes i would just take some almonds or cookies and snack on my way to the kitchen or home. And i can btw eat different foods now (I'm 15 btw) . It's just that if i do eat something different i might not get same focus. I don't get ""meltdown"" or mad if i eat something different but i get very upset if someone disturbed my eating patterns. If someone talks to me or enters my room When I'm eating (specifically when I'm taking a big bite ) i get overwhelmed. Even with toppings, they need to be same every time. Is this a routine ? And also, When i wake up i can't focus at all and i get very angry easily until i eat , i feel like a Zombie until i had my oatmeal or breakfast. I have trouble in introducing new things to my day Like, brushing teeth, ever since i was a kid i wouldn't brush my teeth, i know it's important but i found it hard since it might be a new thing. I'm not familiar with doing it. I've always worn the same clothes and my parents would complain i don't take care of my looks and people think I'm dirty or something. I rarely change clothes unless it gets dirty. When my mom tells me to change i just don't understand why change and why buy new clothes. If it works it works. Sometimes i would feel a bit upset (just a bit nothing bad) that my usual clothes are not clean. And in school i can't focus good if i don't have music, teachers tell me I'm just exaggerating but i can't really. I've noticed a ""pattern"" in my learning skills I take way longer then others to start but once i do i become insane. This spring in our math algebra test, i didn't understand anything for 2 months. Until it one day clicked 2 weeks before the exam. Once it clicked i concentrated like laser Sharp and got a A. And something similar Happens in most lesson's, i find it hard to focus and get going but if it's something I'm interested in i get good at it I can't dl well without good instructions, i need the teacher to answer every question i have. I need to ask the teacher like Every small detail or i can't do well but when i do aka i get it done very well, like A or B. I've noticed I'm mainly good at math and science subjects but I'm not good at presentations and more ""social"" subjects. I do talk in class when the teacher asks us because I find the subject fascinating but i don't do well when showing a presentation, i need to look at the text and can't keep eye contact too much with the public. I think i might have more ""routines"" but i don't know what counts as a routine ? Does this count as ? Also when i was 4-6 i would collect literally garbage (the wrapping of snacks) and i moved to collecting bottle caps and then pen erasers. I would collect them, make holes in them and draw kn them every time. I stopped because the teacher didn't like me taking erasers but does this count as a routine ?",3 "Idk what to say really i needed a place to just say something.. end of a 7 year relationship that meant the world to me. Working together to agree on coparenting our son (3yrs)together. Ive been having a lot of boughts with depression and anxiety over it all.. this has been my world for so long. I'm lucky to have a few friends, and even her family that are staying by me and supporting both of us through this and wanting to stay family even after we have split. But i sit here and at times i can't help but cry the pain of it, how much i put into this relationship, how many hours extra i worked to take care of our family the time i sacrificed. My dedication and love for my son.. I've been blamed for all the problems in our relationship, ive admitted to my part and I'm in therapy for it. But she won't admit to her part in it.. hell she has already moved on to the next guy even before finishing her move out of my house. I sat here today, playing with my son in his room. Enjoying every minute of it, toys, cartoons, tickle fights and all... and then i just started crying uncontrollably for like 15 minutes. I feel so bad.. my son stopped playing and starting asking ""whats wrong daddy? Its ok daddy, dont cry.."" he started hugging me. And i just lost it even more. I just wanted to get it out there.. ive had a bad few months dealing with all of this. I uust want to be able to move on. Be better, help myself. Be a good father, and maybe try to find the person i want in my life..",2 "For backstory, I’ve been on Adderall IR for almost three years now since my diagnosis, but have been looking at switching to non-stimulant options due to increased anxiety and sensory stress. I’ve also lost a lot of weight, and with some of my hormonal issues, I really need to gain back what I lost. I still need to find a new psych to prescribe me meds (that’s a whole other story, I’m in a new area now and coming up close on the last of my adderall), but I was wondering if anyone had any experiences with Strattera? Adderall works fine for me, minus the hyperfocus on random things and increased anxiety issues, but I think it might do me better to be off of stimulants.",0 "I usually don't have problems with sonsory overload of any kind, but I've been realizing that the day (or days) after an intense day usually leave me very disconnected from reality. Feels like maybe some kind of delayed reaction to overstimulation? I just feel like either doing nothing or talking to myself all day about random subjects... Like I was trying to process the stuff through these actions? Like imagining a conversation about cats where I talk about everything I know about cats after a day of taking care of sick cats... Like, as I'd I'm teaching someone? But that someone is me? Like as if I'm trying to solidify what I've learned? The point is that I just feel like my head is full and bloated and can't focus or absorb anything new, and just feel like not being in the real world for a while. Anyone else has that? Anyone know good ways of dealing with that? I've got a lot of stuff to do and it's pretty hard to do anything when I'm like that",3 I’ve been really bad today with depression & intrusive thoughts. I’ve also been angry because of money problems but i just got an unexpected sum of money and it made me happy and cheerful. Now I’m thinking it makes me a shitty person for being happy about getting money and that my happiness shouldn’t depend on it.,1 "Hi all, first time posting here so sorry if I don’t use the correct wording or anything like that So my partner of 7+ years has recently been really battling her OCD that has hit full force for the first time since we’ve been together, brought on by the pandemic we think as her compulsion is thinking things/everything is unclean in some way which is really hard to help with as we’re both working from home now and before starting her new job a few months ago she had the work office she’d commute to which was the ‘unclean place’ and home being the ‘clean place’ but obviously now they’re one in the same so her intrusive thoughts must be focusing everything on this one environment of our house. So with that little bit of context I was wondering if there were any gift ideas or even just things that may help her feel more at ease in anyway that I could get for her? Like I said this is really my first experience with OCD so I’m not sure of all the cool little things that may exist or things that people who deal with a similar thing may have found really helped them? Thanks you so much for any ideas, advice, or whatever you might be able to share 😊",1 "hi! i have just been considering to let go of a lot of the pieces of clothes that trigger me badly to the point i feel the need have them stuffed into the corner of my closet in plastic bags. im a bit of a clothes hoarder so it is hard in that sense, and the main reason why i haven’t got rid of them already, but i am wondering would it alleviate the triggers they cause? i feel like it’s letting the past go, so it could possibly help •~• ??",3 "Lately, one of my friends from school who has PTSD has been acting a bit more erratically that usual. She had come over to my house and we had gotten tired and slept a bit. I had woken up and I had found her hand shaking and I’m pretty sure I saw a tear or two. I already tried talking to her about it since I have a similar situation but she avoids the subject. What should I do to help her out?",3 "Recently I've had an issue with checking Instagram dms over and over again and feeling bad if I didn't get any messages/replies. It's been extremely embarrassing because sometimes this involves double texting some people. And this turned my desire to stop into a compulsion as well. So I made up rules for only one message per day and things like that. Equally as distressing. Well, I'm happy to report that I found a solution that works for me. I delete Instagram and only check it every few days or if I decide to post something. It really depends on how I'm feeling. I'm so much more relaxed, and happy that I don't have to let this control me anymore.",1 "I was diagnosed last year at 25. And of course, everything has started to make sense, and as I learn more about ADHD I realise just how bloody important it is to get diagnosed. At this point - it’s not even a question that my dad has it because it is so severe. The issue is 1) genuinely doesn’t recognise how much he is struggling 2) my dad and his family are fiercely independent, “we don’t need help, we just buckle down. For example, my 75 year old nan fell off a ladder and landed on her back - didn’t go to a doctor. My 80 year old pop cut his arm so badly he needed stitches - but didn’t go to the hospital until their friends pointed out how bad it was. And worst of all - my uncle was murdered two years ago. No one except me got therapy, even though it’s free in Australia for victims of crime. They don’t distrust doctors, they’re not against the concept of therapy - they just dont need it. My dad makes it work - he’s always had a job, he runs his own business now, and he genuinely wouldn’t think that he is struggling. But I can see all the ways it makes his life so much harder - he’s a massive disorganised hoarder. Every room in his house, the garage, the shipping containers - filled with stuff. But he can justify needing all of it for his business and because he’s “renovating” (but never getting around to it) his house. Because he forgets he has things, or can’t find things, if he needs something - he buys more. He looses everything (just this week he accidentally ran over his phone with an excavator. According to Nan, the phone was only two weeks old because he lost the one before that). He’s able to focus during the part of his job he enjoys (electrical work) so he stays in business, but the admin side is a mess. When my mum started doing the admin side for him she found several thousand dollars worth of work that never got invoiced. And because he’s so terrible with money, I’m genuinely worried he’s digging himself into a hole and doesn’t realise it because money is always coming in. Christ, I forgot he also has two superannuation accounts that he keeps forgetting to merge (with the same bloody bank no less) so he’s paying double the fees and getting less return on his retirement because the funds are across two accounts. It also makes it really hard for me to be around him sometimes, especially when I’m overstimulated, because he is so chaotic it distracts me. And I can’t go to his house because the hoarding is so bad it gives me panic attacks (same with my Nan). He didn’t realise that in the past year my ex-roomate underpaid him $5000 in rent because he never checked. All of this is to say - I wouldn’t be trying to suggest him getting diagnosed if I thought he was managing okay (my Nan thinks she has it as well, I’m not sure, but also if she does she has developed very strong management strategies). Any advice please? I know a lot of you would’ve had to have this conversation yourselves after getting diagnosed, so any advice would be so helpful. Especially because even if I somehow convince him getting diagnosed might be a good idea, I don’t think he’d be too keen on either therapy or meds (let alone stimulant medication). My only hope at this point is its so bad that even my Nan thinks it’s a good idea. I can’t stress to you how bad it has to be for her to think doing Something other than powering though is a good idea.",0 "I personally feel a bit guilty seeing it as a disability and labelling myself as disabled because it’s mental and not physical. It causes me to not be able to do things, so it is a disability I guess but I just want another opinion. Do you think it can be classed as a disability? Why/why not?",1 "I am looking for some advice on what everyone does to help deal with their hyperactivity. **For some insight:** I have combined ADD but lately it seems that my hyperactive side has come out. I am not the only one who has noticed as my SIL and husband who live with me have noticed I have been ""a lot"" lately. My hyperactivity is typically worse when I am bored and have nothing to focus on. I am in school full time which keeps me busy but during lulls I notice I have this uncontrollable 'energy' (which I say with a grain of salt cause I can still sleep all the time and often do if I am bored LOL). I try to avoid activities like video games during times I am in school as I hyper-focus and will not be able to put the game down. I enjoy doing things that require mental and/or physical 'activity'/stimulation. My husband thinks I need an increase in my meds, however last time I mentioned that to my doctor I got a lecture about how I get good grades in a doctoral program so I must be fine (despite the fact that not only I have official diagnostic testing to confirm my diagnosis of GAD and ADD combined, but having familial history) and then got treated like I had an addiction... **So in short, if you bothered to read any of this...** Any tips on what you do to help with hyperactivity? My school is quite cumbersome so I do need an activity that I can put down and come back to without consequences.",0 "Hey everyone, New to the community and only diagnosed half a year back. I feel very prone to becoming overstressed. As a bonus, I end up with a very consistent twitch until my stress is alleviated. Do any of you experience this? Most things trigger it really, work, interacting with others, and being interrupted in the middle of a task. Secondly I always feel overstimulated! For example: if a shirt doesn't fit just the way I like it, tags in clothing, lint on clothing, wrinkles- and don't get me started on sleeping. Sleeping is the absolute worst. I feel every little hair, every fiber of my sheets and it drives me nuts. I essentially feel as though something is constantly on my body and I end up itching hoping it goes away. The worst thing to wear has to be jeans. I despise them. For years I wore them because they looked ""socially acceptable"", but they're so uncomfortable. I guess I'm asking what types of sensory issues y'all experience with Aspergers and what you do to conquer them? Sorry for my rant. I don't talk to many people on a personal basis. ~Jacob",3 "It's been over 4 rough years fighting with anxiety and depression, not sure when will it end. Please pray for me. I have been going through a lot. One day I will help people to fight similar situations by being strong. I am sure this will also pass away.",2 "I've never been this depressed before in years. It's like a constent emptiness and tiredness that I haven't felt in such a long time, it's such a strange feeling. I haven't had any energy to do anything. I missed two therapist appointments, I can't even talk to friends for long periods of time (in fact I get annoyed by them and everything else in the world quickly now), I can't hold conversations with my partner, I cant watch tv, I can't play video games, the thought of going outside scares the shit out of me, and I cried after looking at my skateboard because I haven't used it in months. I have no energy to focus on or to do anything. Why is it that I feel happy for only a little while then become just depressed afterwards? I've mainly just been a crying, overly sensitive, exhausted, and angry person these three months. I just don't feel anything positive. Why is it that for three months I was happy and now for three months I guess I'm gonna be full blown depressed? I'm not even excited about going to see my partner this weekend. Nothing in life at this moment in time is making me happy to live and I don't know why? Maybe this is the price I pay for thinking I could feel human for a bit. This to has be hell really. Flashbacks, insomnia, emptiness, worthlessness, and sucidal thoughts for these three months. For fuck sake if this is the price for feeling happy, truely fucking happy for only three months then I rather not be happy for the rest of my damn life. This is bullshit. Such incredible fucking bullshit and I'm tired honestly. Really tired. Happy I forced myself to at least write this, now my head hurts. Fucking hell give me a break.",3 "I thought about trying to write something poetic that could really express myself. But I don’t have it in me. I’m just totally worthless. I matter how hard I try, I’m never enough. No one can ever love me and I’m a damn fool for thinking anyone could.",2 "I had some violent flashbacks and brutal compulsive images last night and I know I shouldn’t cut but it’s the only thing that gives me some sense of control right now. I’m losing everyone and everything because of what happened to me when I was younger and what I continue to allowed to happen to me as I got older. I’ve dumped all my trauma on the only person who has loved me unconditionally and now I may lose him too. Fuck what happened to me.",3 " I spent several months compulsively checking my social media profiles and even comment sections on Youtube, Instagram, etc., every morning after waking up and as much as possible during the day, in order to see if I hadn't posted, commented or liked anything I didn't mean to. Same goes to messaging apps. I managed to partially break this cycle recently, but this morning, I woke up and noticed my phone was unlocked (apparently, I turned off auto lock while multitasking and forgot to reactivate it). And after seeing that the Reddit notification tab was opened, I immediately panicked and went to my account to see if I hadn’t inadvertently added any new posts, which led me to go to every single app on my device ‘just to make sure’. Honestly, it’s really upsetting to be extremely anxious about this all over again, and I would love to know if there’s anyone else going throught the same thing. ",1 "I've noticed how a couple of ppl try to express affection to me, and I just feel weird, is a mix of ''Why do you like me'' and ''What did I do to gain your affection'', obviusly I never say those things to the ppl but I can't stop it. I'm only 15 y/o and, aside of my close family, I have near to 0 social interaction or bonds with others, idk if that have something to do with this I want to know if anyone can relate with this and if it's something of the age or caused by my lack of relations",3 "YALL I 1) WOKE UP ON TIME 2) DID ALMOST ALL MY MORNING CHORES 3) GOT OUT OF THE HOUSE AT 8:30 AM!!!! I HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING TO DO THIS SINCE LIKE MARCH I AM SO FUCKING PUMPED 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 note: Started Jornay PM yesterday. Ya take it at night and it dissolves by the time you wake up. Good results so far! I've also *nearly* fulfilled a nearly decade long mission of finding the perfect Todo system for me, which was a big help with the chores. If I could cry I would 🥲",0 want to stay in a bathtub all the time. I feel like I'm always in the bath. How do you handle binging or self deprivation if you struggle with that? I disassociate and over / under eat or struggle to sleep or be coordinated physically which leads to me often accidentally injuring myself.,3 I went to the store today and I felt my depression heighten. I couldn’t enjoy shopping or look at people because I felt horrible. It was really bad because I just wanted to go out and ignore everything but the moment I saw people I got drained and distracted. At this point I feel emotionally numb and numb to the thoughts which only makes me worry worse. Any Advice? :///,1 I'm currently working storm clean up and I'm a very smart person but I overthink a lot I have been diagnosed with OCD and when I was talking about going to nursing school my crew leader was like those test are hard and I explained all my achievements in high school just got out I'm 18 and he said why are you slow out here then and he was like not mentally but I thought you were a slow learner and it hurt my feelings I know that the other guys think this 2.,1 My NT brother and sister have literally no problem dedicating hours to completing a task such as homework while I struggle severely. I also have ADHD so I don't really know it's just annoying. Do anyone of you the same issue?,3 "It’s so confusing to have an overwhelming desire to push my self to be a better me and at the same time I equally desire to stop the fight and just accept that it’s ok not to improve my self. I don’t even have a name for the emotion that comes with this internal tug of war. I keep switching between the two directions and my body will crash and shut down. What is this emotion? All I know is I got to find a way for both invisible sides of me to compromise.",2 "i cant handle so much. there's family problems, academic disappointment, my own personal shit (depression, anxiety). how the fuck am i supposed to juggle so much and come out ok on the other end? i'm getting my report card today. the grades arent bad but nowhere near my parents expectations. so thats gonna be another rant on me about being a complete loser. on top of that i have no fucking friends so i cant vent out at all and i need to internalize all of this shit which is easier said than done. these idiotic teacher yelling ""TuRn yOur CamERA oN"". u idiots i have 0 self esteem and am embarrassed of not only my ugliness but also of my own existence. i just cant do this anymore, but i dont have the guts to end it.",2 "Im lying to my friends that I’m fine even though I’m not, they think that im fine and everything is okay I can’t do this anymore i want this to stop.",2 "Last week, we were playing our usual game online. In game, we hear a woman screaming. When one of the party members gets to her, she's getting sexually assaulted. I immediately had to give my computer to my boyfriend so he could play my character while I cried. The DM knew that I have PTSD and had been abused, but didn't realize how much I've been through. He was able to piece it together, but the damage had already been done. My boyfriend kind of went off on the DM. He apologized to me and asked how to make it better. I told him I just need to not be there for the next session. It was yesterday and I had to take an ativan to get through the time period I knew it was being played. All week I've been struggling. I ended up getting drunk (while having lingering covid problems) because I'm dumb and ended up feeling worse these past four or so days. The nightmares have been really bad. The last one really got to me. I should be in bed right now, but I'm dreading it. I normally tell my therapist about this stuff, but she's got stuff going on for a couple weeks. I dunno. I just wanted someone who understands to see this. Sometimes it helps just to be heard.",3 "As an example, this is what such reports say:[https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/adhd-in-the-workplace](https://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/adhd-in-the-workplace) basically, what 1/2 or so of adults with ADHD are unemployed. Is this excessively high or low, not factoring in certain sets of adults who are employed or unemployed? Or is it about accurate? And if it is accurate, would it also be right to presume that the fraction of those with autism who are not in relationships would be about the same or higher? These days, being unemployed often kills your chances of getting girlfriends or boyfriends and even more so your chances of getting married. And they can forget about being able to start families. So then if it is accurate, it would mean that it's likely that the percentage of those with ADHD who can't get married is about 3/4. Is that likely accurate or no?",0 "I (22F) am so disappointed in my past doctors. All my my life I was labeled as manic and crazy, dumb and lazy, when all this time I had ADHD. A little background on me, I’ve always struggled with my mental health, especially since I was 11-12. My grades started to slip, I felt like I couldn’t focus, I had constant brain fog, I felt inadequate to all of my peers, I was messy, had no concept of time, I was always tired, when I was awake I would fidget, I had most of the signs! My mom started taking me to a psychiatrist and they diagnosed me with depression/anxiety. They prescribed me meds that never worked and better yet, made things worse. I started to get worse, and even felt feelings of wanting to unalive, so she took me to multiple psychiatric inpatient hospitals where I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was prescribed Seroquel which made my anxiety even worse, they cold turkied me off it twice and basically made my head worse. Ever since then, I’ve had AWFUL anxiety and developed dissociation. I’ve upset because I fit most of the criteria, and I hate to turn it into a sex thing, but I did some research, and cis women/girls are less likely to get diagnosed because we don’t portray the obvious hyperactive like boys do most of the time. When I was younger, I was actually calm, just fidgety. I just never turned in my homework/would procrastinate it/not even get it done. I didn’t even understand what I was doing because I physically couldn’t. I eventually stopped paying attention in class because I thought “well I’m dumb anyways, what’s the point?”. My family would root it to laziness, my classmates thought I was outright dumb and ditzy. Even my coworkers. My teachers would scold me. It hurt so much and really put a huge damper on my self esteem. It hurts a lot that the doctors diagnosed me Manic Depressive at 17, when I wasn’t even manic. I was hyperfocused and temperamental which is also signs of ADHD. I believed I had it up until recently, I used to think my excessive spending was just me being “manic”. I used to think me wanting to me a doctor out of no where was me being being “manic”. Then I saw what manic really was, and that’s when I was like “oh, I’m not manic.” I’m so happy to finally be be properly diagnosed with ADHD. For once in my life I feel hope. I take my medicine and have a therapy session scheduled January 8th so I can properly work with my medicine. If you made it to the end, thank you for taking time out of your day for reading this. I hope you have a marvelous life. <3",0 "I had a flash back about a week ago now and several times since. My life has been FUBAR literally since birth. I can't talk about it like a normal person so I'm going to try to get the major points out. As I was being born doctor slammed my mom's legs together to try to delay delivery. That ruptured a blood vessel in my brain. That lead to many appointments and then to brain surgery and a PERMANENT FEAR OF NEEDLES, HOSPITALS AND DOCTORS. Even though I didn't know why. I was unaware of the surgery until later in adulthood. Aged: Birth to 5 years Was molested Aged: 3 to 16 years Gang raped aged 17 School shooting bullet grazed my left thigh aged 17 Accidental cannon explosion due to improper maintenance less than 5ft from me while in military. Resulting in me hitting the deck every time I hear a loud unexpected noise. Aged 19 Married physically and emotionally abusive man. Aged:19 Raped Aged:19 Separated from Abusive Spouse Age:19 Gave birth to child unknown father husband or Rape. Aged:20 (Don't care who father is child is innocent but pregnancy was hard emotionally still don't know or care) Divorced abusive husband Aged:21 Ex-husband threatened and tried several times to kid nap my child. Constantly on high alert, dealing with police, phone taps, moving, standing watch all night. Aged 20 to 38 That brings us to now. For the first time in my life I have time. Too much time. I have been to so many councilors, psychiatrist, and even checked myself into a mental hospital for 30 days to try to get a grip on my ptsd. But the flash backs don't go away and they are so damn real! They added a new tide bit to my diagnosis depression with a weird word in front of depression. I don't remember what it was off the top of my head. I know I'm in dangerous territory being awake this long but I can't get my brain to turn off. I'm literally on watch again but for what reason? I've had flash backs before and it didn't cause this problem with me not being able to sleep. Has anyone else ever had this happen? If so how do you turn it off? I don't fancy a trip to the hospital because I don't want to have to explain it all to my family. I could use some help turning it off. UPDATE: I did go to my doctor shortly after this post because I was hallucinating . I also has other medical issues showing up on top of that. I received a shot that put me to sleep. I am now on medication that is supposed to make me sleep. I am now getting a steady 4hrs sleep every night.",3 "For example, I get a visual image of me cheating on my bf who I love dearly and then feels something in my stomach and adrenaline racing and like I have to do something?? Is it that an urge to cheat even though I definitely don’t want to? Or an urge to rid myself to the anxiety?",1 "Hey everyone! Sometimes when I am reading, I feel very anxious, and it becomes very difficult to focus when I am reading, and understand what I am reading. Does anyone else ever experience this? This affects my checking OCD a lot!",1 "Hello! Just wondering, does lying that your OCD is getting better worth it? My mom wants me to get a therapist, yet all my therapists in the past either left, or was complete useless. (Not joking, my old one told me to lick a toilet seat, since i am a germaphobe) I don't want a therapist so I am thinking of pretending it is getting better.",1 "I sat down at the table to work on my finals. I heard my husband shut and start the dryer. Then I remembered I took out towels earlier and put them on our bed. I went in there to fold them. Husband: Thought you were doing homework. Me: But then I remembered the towels. Husband: Isn't homework more important? Me: Yes, but this is a 3 minute job and I won't be able to focus on anything else until it's done. I'll tell myself, ""I can do it later,"" but then I'll either sit there obsessing about it so I don't forget, or I'll *actually* completely forget and it'll still be here at bedtime. It's leas mental stress to do it now, then devote attention to homework. Huaband: 🤔🤷‍♂️ He doesn't get it at all, but at least he's sometimes cool about it. He helped fold too, which was awesome. ❤️",0 At 48 I look back from this dead end I am in and see an almost uninterrupted series of decisions that lead me here. How can one person keep making one bad decision after another. O for a time machine. Sometimes I try and turn back time in my head but it never lasts. Brutal reality slaps me in face and screams “You are mine now”,2 "I've been noticing a pattern that I've had for the past few years. Often I'll be doing something like cooking, watching a video, or writing and I'll suddenly think ""What would higher beings think if they saw me doing this?"" What usually follows are thoughts about me or others being like animals in a zoo, as if what's happening is some weird instinctual function and I'm not actually sapient. Does this make sense?",1 "Hi there, Let me start off by saying reading some of your experiences really breaks my heart, partly because I can relate to them in some level but also knowing it must be what I feel times 100 and constantly, and I only wish I could take your pain away. ​ I have someone in my life I care for very much who is on the spectrum and struggles with depression and anxiety. I have myself struggled with what I believe are milder levels of these two mental health issues before and am currently working with a counsellor who specialises in people on the spectrum to try my best to support him. But I want to hear from your experiences which I'm sure are all as unique as you on the following: ​ ""I'm tired of pretending to be someone else, I wish I was normal"" ​ How do you relate to that sentence? Is there anything I can do to relieve the pressure of someone feeling that way from having to act in a certain manner? I understand it's a considerable effort to allow yourself to be vulnerable for everyone but especially for someone who lives in a world where he's been told he doesn't fit in, so how do you decide you can trust someone enough to let your guard down? ​ Anything you'd like to share is greatly appreciated. Hope you're having a good day.",3 "I hear this so much among people, that they hold some of the blame for the abuse they suffered or think that what they went through could’ve been worse. I was listening to Five Finger Death Punch earlier (which is a band known for sympathizing with veterans suffering from PTSD) and a lyric in their song M.I.N.E. struck me. “It could have been much worse But it should have been better” (Sounds way more powerful in the song, I promise lol) For all the abuse sufferers here that have ever thought “it could have been worse,” yes, it could’ve been. It can always get worse. And what you went through might seem small compared to someone else’s story. But it should have been better! Because consent is a human right and so is being free from torture/physical harm. Having free thought/expression is also a human right. If you were subject to emotional/verbal, sexual, or physical abuse, then understand that it should have been better because you deserve better. So yes, It could have been much worse. But it should have been better.",3 "My parents are doctors and their handwriting is worse than mine. I've lost tons of marks in language classes due to my bad handwriting which made me a wiz at computers. I still take handwritten notes for math class (I'm 20 studying engineering rn). I watched these two videos https://youtu.be/UBVV8pch1dM (veritasium and why bad handwriting forces your brain to work harder) And https://youtu.be/PjE_yaJjXE8 (peak male brain) Anyone have any thoughts?",3 "i can’t believe I’m posting here but I truly feel out of options. my mental health has always been bad but the past year has been exceptional. it’s taken an extraordinarily steep nosedive lately, which I can think of reasons for (for part of it). my anxiety and depression are so bad and I feel every emotion like I’m being drowned and gutted with a knife. genuinely not being dramatic. it’s unbearable. i’m huge on communication and so i always communicate my needs, emotions etc. today it got so bad I texted my best friend a cry for help. i even restated I just really need help. recently messaged them that I’m really begging and they seem not to care. i can’t even believe this as I would do literally anything for them. what do you do when no one will hear you? I’m so scared. I thought at least a code red would get people to take me seriously but I guess not. a few weeks ago i was looking into mental hospitals... I’ve also walked out of my house midst meltdown bc I didn’t know what to do besides maybe run away. but apparently no one cares. i just cried so much I caused a nosebleed and I feel so fragile and scared and alone. please give me advice on how to hold on. please",2 " *this is a very long post so pls have patience when reading it. i hope you understand. hey! i’m 14F and i think i have HOCD because last january, i came across this tiktok video where this girl said she was in denial of her sexuality for 3 years. that video just suddenly became stuck in my head because what if i’m also secretly in denial and i just wasn’t aware? after that, a girl (who i know) came into my mind thinking i have a crush on her. so just a backstory, the year before that, my friend introduced to me a new girl in school and she said that we look alike and we have a lot of similarities (they even called us twins). of course, i immediately wanted to be her friend because of that and suddenly, my friend told me, “what if you might become bisexual because of her?” and i didn’t believe her because i wouldn’t be interested in relationships and such but i feel like some sort of fear started to develop inside of me that what if i really become bi for her? so during that year, i really wanted to be close and be friends with her but there was some sort of jealousy that i felt because she was pretty, smart, kind, and my friends compared me to her which hurt me a lot that’s why i became jealous of her i think. so fast forward to the time i saw the tiktok video, it’s like ever since, i associated “crush” with her and it would make me anxious because what if i really have a crush on her and just can’t admit it? it’s like i became confused of wanting to be friends and having a crush. i searched the signs of having a crush and whenever i relate to one of the signs, i would panic that what. i really have a crush on her? i would also go back to our past interactions if i showed signs of having a crush (and i think i didn’t it’s just me wanting to be friends really). since i became scared of being bi and being in denial, i stopped watching my favorite shows, stopped using social media, and a lot more. whenever i would watch movies with my family (especially the romance genre), i would always get triggered when there were girls in there. i even thought that the anxiety i felt was because of my period coming but it wasn’t. i continued to have anxiety for a long time (until now). i even remember a friend of mine who was straight the year before, but when i saw her tiktok video coming out as lesbian, i got even more scared because what if that’ll happen to me? i even questioned if i also had a crush on my friends because i saw an article where this girl thought she was just best friends with her friend but apparently, she had feelings for her and that made me scared cause what if that’s me? i would also get intrusive thoughts where i would have crushes with random girls like celebrities, teachers, classmates, and etc and it was very devastating to have those thoughts. whenever i would see girls who are pretty, i would always question if i was attracted to them. whenever i live the company of a friend who is the same sex, i would question if i like her or not. it’s like i noticed the same sex more than the opposite sex and that really made me anxious because what if i really am attracted to girls? i would also always research a lot about why my thoughts existed and if they mean something and i would ALWAYS take quizzes to be sure that i’m not attracted to the same sex. i would take them many many times so that i’ll feel relieved and so that i’ll be able to prove that i’m not attracted to them. also, upon searching “homosexual anxiety”, i saw this article about HOCD and i really related to the symptoms and the thoughts that were mentioned there but even though i wanted to believe it, i was hesitant because what if i don’t have HOCD? but i would always search for HOCD because it kind of made gave me relief because there’s a chance that it’s not me being attracted ti the same sex and it’s just OCD if that makes sense. in general, one of my compulsions is looking up HOCD and reading forums about it and looking if i relate to other people’s stories and if i did, i would feel relieved. i also told my friend about how i felt and HOCD but she believes that i’m just in denial because i’m still young to know that. it made me anxious more because what if it’s true? i told another friend of mine and she said that at first, she also didn’t want to be with a girl romantically and sexually but later on finding out she wants to (she’s bi) and i carried that thought for weeks because what if that’s me since right now, i don’t want to be with a girl? what if later on i’ll find out that i’m bi and just can’t accept it? it really scared me to the point that i would always wake up feeling anxious, have insomnia, avoid certain things that might trigger me, have anxiety dreams, have anxiety cough (that my parents thought was covid but i just can’t say that it’s because of anxiety since i don’t want to tell them how i feel), and many more. most of the time, the thought of the girl i mentioned a while ago would always be in my head because i would always feel anxious when that thought comes because what if i really have a crush on her? every time i wake up she would always be the first thought and that would ruin my day and make me feel anxious because i always end up seeking for answers to relieve the anxiety and i keep on taking quizzes if i have a crush on her but the results are always about being just friends with her which gave me relief but for a short while only. i would take them again and again to feel reassured that i don’t have a crush on her. in general, my thoughts were usually “what if you’re secretly in denial?” “what if you’re really bi and just can’t accept it?” “what if you really have a crush on her and just can’t admit it?” “what if right now, you just want to be friends, but later on, you’ll realize you don’t?” “if you weren’t bi then why would you have those thoughts?” “the thoughts must mean something that’s why they’re there” “what if you don’t have OCD and just can’t accept being bi?” “you just want to say you have OCD to cover up being bi” “what if i don’t have OCD and just genuinely questioning my identity?” “what if the reason why i’m questioning is because i’ll discover myself as a different sexuality/gender identity?” i would always feel devastated whenever i would have those thoughts because i didn’t know how to prove that it’s wrong. a week ago, i have been accepting the uncertainty of not knowing that’s why i was more chill but then i feel like the theme of OCD became TOCD because there was a random thought in my head “what if you’re non binary?” then, i obsessed over it until now actually. here is another post about my TOCD (if you’re interested) [my TOCD story?](https://www.reddit.com/r/transOCD/comments/nrvaml/i_genuinely_need_help_im_sorry/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) the HOCD would come at times but i try to control it now. by the way, i’m not diagnosed with OCD but there are people who think i have (from other reddit posts). please give me your thoughts if i have OCD or not. thank you so much!",1 "I’m not mad or sad that i have ADHD but I can’t keep trucking myself I can’t focus or concentrate on anything even tho i eat my pills but i feel nothing is helping me I failed math 101 you guys can you believe math 101!!!! Not once but twice I swear I’m not dumb or stupid but I just keep forgetting everything Please guys someone help me",0 " I’ve been having a really hard time with college and school and just existing lately. my first semester went okay, second is when Covid hit and I managed to fail two classes. fast forward to fall of sophomore year, huge depressive episode made me fail three classes. I took the spring off, decided to transfer, and spent this past fall taking two community college classes to boost my GPA. I got really excited about a school that my friend goes to and applied there for this spring. they have a great program for accommodations and especially ADHD and I was THRILLED. I don’t mind living at home but it’s been almost a year and I need to out of the house for my mental health. I just got my rejection letter for having too low of a GPA. I don’t know what to do, I feel miserable and defeated. I know I can try again in the fall but I’m genuinely not sure if I can handle being home and lonely while all my friends are away. I’m really scared I’ll slip back into my depression. It just sucks because I worked really hard in these classes for the fall and felt prepared to take on school again. I feel so stupid and don’t know how to tell everyone in my life that I didn’t get in because I was SURE I would (acceptance rate is fairly high, school I went to before was much lower). my backup plan is more community college classes and living at home. I know college doesn’t need to be done in 8 straight semesters but it is getting harder and harder to keep the momentum going to make sure I actually get my degree. I got on meds, I used a planner, I worked AND did my classes, and I’m still facing the consequences from my mistakes I made while incredibly mentally ill. I just had a therapy appointment a little while ago about how I’m actually doing well and stable for the first time in a while. I’m scared of what this rejection will do to me. I’m going to get an earlier appointment with my therapist to talk it out but I just needed to rant somewhere. this sucks",0 "I can’t think. I can’t complete complex tasks. I feel slow, mentally and physically. I feel like parts of my brain are missing. You get the picture. Thanks for reading.",3 "It's almost like you see everybody around you playing the game. You catch instances of it, maybe even play it at a beginners to intermediate level but you just can't quite master it. That's kind of the metaphor I have for aspergers.",3 "So my day was going pretty well until I received an email from my dissertation supervisor about how I've messed up my first milestone and that if I do this again I'll fail and that I shouldn't do it anymore. Fun fact though professor, I'm now fully convinced that because of that one (1) email this entire thing I'm wearing, from how my hair is to my jumper and my underwear and the specific socks I'm wearing, are all cursed now and if I ever venture near them again everyone will hate me and leave me and I will be alone forever. So you'll have to wait on that follow up commentary a little bit longer since I'm now going to spend my evening frantically changing into good clothes and burning the bad ones :)",1 I am so jealous of people who can live their lives without ocd. Who can do things they like without feeling guilty. It just doesn't seem fair.,1 "Hey guys, for most of my life I had these anger ""attacks"" where i get angry after a while masking my face or just beeing outside of my home. Sometimes i get angry when people talk with me too long or annoy me or even nice people make me angry sometimes. The cure for the problem is something i found recently. Exercise! Well no shit sherlock! Exercise is good for your mood who would have thought. But it took me a long time to realise that i am actually angry. I didnt even realise it. A girl once asked me how i feel and i couldnt tell. So for most of my life i walked around angry and didnt even notice. Now whati do ever morning is i just box my couch and i jump arouind and scream. I just let my angry feelings out. And after a while i feel so relaxed. So one tip if you have problems with anger like me, let the feeling out. Go in front of mirror and make a sad face and jump and scream that you are angry. It helps and relaxes me.",3 "I took my comment from another thread to start this discussion: My mom had BPD and abandoned me when I was 3, thankfully my dad was amazing and held onto me. Whenever i would see her (starting again at age 6) her symptoms would have her be extremely volatile. She wouldn't give me affection unless it was a show for someone else, called me her niece in public for a while, drank all the time, and made her adult problems mine. I had to escort her out of family parties at 10 when she would get drunk and belligerent. When I was 13 or so I remember she spit on me. When I was 16 she chased me into a bathroom and told be she was going to beat my ass because I started calling my step mom ""mom"" too. I never called her by her name to her face, she just didnt want to share. Following 16, she started with a lot of false suicide attempts for attention, which I always treated seriously. Our relationship was so weird. First she didnt want me, then we were familiar strangers, acquaintances, distant cousins, and then friends. Until her last suicide attempt, that accidentally went through. The table broke under her. The police I called called me to come down. It was the day before her dads 70th birthday, and I had to tell him to his face that his daughter was never coming back. I did her makeup for her viewing. It's the least I could do. I loved her so much, in the most damaging way to myself. I put up with everything because it was obvious her BPD made her suffer and everyone except her family left her. I couldnt stop grasping for the love she wasnt able to give. Now I struggle to get and keep jobs. That was only the worst thing that happened to me. I had a marriage with a man that was practically the Male version of her, and I was raped after I left him...I got catfished...please dont call me stupid I was vulnerable. It took 9 months to meet. Now the obvious triggers get to me, cluttered houses, crowds, loud places, and the month of July is awful for me. Sorry this was so long. TL;DR Mom had BPD, was abusive, killed herself and involved me. Now the obvious triggers get to me, cluttered houses, crowds, loud places, and the month of July is awful for me. Edit: I havent cried about this in months, and now I'm sitting on my hallway floor, leaking through my eyes, and thinking about learning how to paint so I can get my nightmares out.",3 "I’ve struggled with ADHD all my life but as a 24 who’s been crying out for help and misdiagnosed a few times. I finally saved up to see a psychiatrist and got diagnosed. While doing ECG found that there’s is a right bundle branch block. So I have to now see a cardiologist. I’m scared because if I don’t get the green light from cardiologist on 6th of December, I won’t be able to get treatment until mid Jan next year as my psychiatrist is taking a leave. And so is everyone at that practice. I keeping finding articles that say it’s okay to start medication if there is a right/left bundle branch block. But I’ve been losing sleep over this for almost a week and 6th couldn’t come fast enough.",0 "I've had a rough few days and can't handle crowds or loud noises, especially not now. I'll cry at the very minimum and not in the mood for that. Now there's a veterans day assembly that the band is going to be playing at (indoors!!!) and they're going to try to force everyone to attend, even the neurodivergent and kids with trauma. In my school of 1600+. The teachers can get in serious trouble if they help us even though they want to, so now I get to try to skip it without the security stationed at the doors and patrolling the halls noticing today. Wish me luck?",3 "Maybe it's kinda intrusive but what are you guys getting prescribed as meds? I'm 19 having 5mg twice a day of ritalin and it's not doing it anymore for me. I think I've been going to a quite shitty psychiatrist cause she told my mom confidential stuff and also dismissed physical abuse I confided in her telling me ""it couldn't possibly be that bad"" and ""are you sure u're not dramatising things"" soo... I kind of need to hear from others. Maybe I'm overreacting and it's all totally normal?",0 "Someone I know an older lady in her 40s I think. Will constantly message me with theological questions and issues that she is undecided about. Most Christians do not worry or obsess about these issues to the extent that she does and I went for a walk with her and another guy recently and she was asking so many questions it was almost like a child asking questions : mummy why is the sky blue etc I wouldn't mind so much but she will contact me out of the blue with something she is obsessing about without any introduction or asking how I am just straight into a debate but will then say she doesn't want a debate. As her views often seem alternative or verging on the heretical I then feel obliged to respond with some correct doctrine and then her issue becomes my issue and I start obsessing over it as in: did I answer correctly? Was I fair to respond in the way that I did? I've blocked her 3 times in a few years or a year now and I don't normally block people. Other people similarly find her argumentative and she has lost friends due to her behaviour in person and presumably online. I think she has other issues too but... I once regarded her as a friend but I'm starting to dislike her manner now unfortunately I'm assuming this is OCD behaviour or something like it?",3 "I have both autism and ADHD. My ability to live independently has always been, at least indirectly, greatly aided by some not-so-sustainable things. Pre-packaged and delivery food, items delivered to my door, and, I don't know - just a whole lot of waste of things that are difficult or even just inconvenient to recycle or pass on to others. My routine could use some adjustments to deal with all this waste - but as you probably can surmise, adding too much to routine is painful and falls apart. So I'm looking for substitutes. I want to decrease my contribution to environmental problems, within the limits I have. An example of something that bothers me: I want to substitute more meat alternatives, but the ones available to me are plastic-wrapped. I think the meat alternative outweighs the plastic, but it's just a total mindfuck. While I know a lot of the onus is on these companies, and even food regulators, to help, I know that doesn't absolve me completely. If you've figured out any hacks to reduce your waste, while not disturbing your balance too much, please share them. They don't have to be directly related to the example. Maybe we can figure some things out together.",3 "Hello! I've got diagnosed with OCD a while back. I noticed something about me that is gradually getting worse. Every time something changes, even slightly it drives me nuts. Everything has to be planned beforehand (days before) I get super anxious, stressed, panicked, and sad. Sometimes, but that's rather rare, even angry. Examples: Dad wants me to help him out in the garden. I can't do that and I don't want to do that because it was not planned, and I get anxious, can't do anything right. Meeting a friend/hanging out with my girlfriend: last minute changes like, rescheduling, or changing what we will do, where we are going (like going to a restaurant/pub) makes me feel this way too. I feel like this is also related to my fear of dying, or not having enough time to do what I want to do or what I have to do in general. If things change and I don't do what I planned on doing, everything feels wrong. I am not feeling well at the moment so there is a chance I did not explain the problem properly (I'm shaking at the moment, because of a situation like this). I am not sure this is related to my condition, but I am curious if you experience this as well. If you do, what do you do about it?",1 Anyone think they were a sociopath/narcissist/schizoid? There seems to be a lot of overlap,3 "I am just starting medication and I have a choice between Concerta, Sandoz and Actavis. With Concerta being the most expensive at 67$ and the Sandoz and Actavis being 43$ per month. I did some research and Actavis should be the same thing as Concerta, but I’m looking for actual real life examples. Did anyone try these out and have some experience to share? I would appreciate it.",0 "But no one except the sufferer truly understands the anxiety, uneasiness, hopelesness and depression coming with OCD.",1 And that’s just how it is. I’m not sure why I can’t seem to accept that but it’s gotta kick in soon that’s for sure. Idk how I can be helped…and the more I go through these “tough times” the more I realize what a mess I created. I wish I could be stronger. I’ve beemaking that my wish for a while now but it isn’t coming true,3 "Undiagnosed, early adult male, non-native, alt account. TL; DR sorry for long post. touble, depressing thoughts and lastly why Im posting it here. read the first and last two paragraphs and every first line of every other paragraph for shorter form. I need to vent. I dont know if this is appropriate but I just feel unbarable my stomach hurts my heart aches for hours now. And why? My best friend invited me, the time was kinda vague and I planed out to be there at a specific time. I take piano lessons, jeez I tried to keep the amount of personal info low but I guess here, and had one scheduled two hours before and it wouldve taken me about an hour to get there. Then for some reason my teacher wanted it later it has to do with how he drives (as he visits me at home), I reluctantly postponed it by, after a bit of back and forth, 45 minutes, making it so that Id be late, this was annoying but since I was really tired (hadnt slept the night) I kinda didnt think about it and thought it was fine. Im shortly before moving and starting university and have to pack and clean up my room so its generally relatively stressful for me. This is one of the reasons I dont have too much time to practice. Another is that I start playing and get really frustrated or have to move and cannot focus idk I enjoy it but it's entirely different from programming or math where I can spend hours studying hard things. But also there I frequently just ache inside and want to do something else idk maybe its some sort of chemical imbalance as I also often dont feel fulfilled, my best friend mentioned that not being fulfilled after workout or another task may be an indicator, maybe adhd, maybe depressionish idk. Anyways I didnt do mich piano progress. This always makes me anxious even though my teacher is very calm about it and its always philosophy and life lessons if I don't deliver without any obvious judgement, though he says he is bored and cant help me and such but nonnegatively. Anyways it was a bad lesson because I he couldnt teach me anything because I didnt know the sheets and we just talked and he analyzed me a bit talking to me why Im not motivated, I think it helped me think but it was also very exhausting. So hes gone and Im kinda excited to play card games with my best friend and maybe one or two other people I know, who may be there. But then its pretty late and In tired so I buy a cola from a shop, taking a little sidestop which only takes 10 mins and it works out well with the train times. On my way I text my friend that Im gonna be late and she said shed already be gone at that time. And I just broke I was surprisingly happy before even though I had a terrible piano lesson, but then I just sat down on the stairs next to me and sunk into my head for 10 minutes crying internally, like it should be such a small thing but I just feel so bad still and its just not stopping. I dont understand why I feel so strongly about it. Since Im gonna be gone I wouldve liked to have seen my friend again but well meet and have already made plans for frequent times and not too far in the future and the other people though theyre pretty alright Id rather do something else unless Im close by. I also had scheduled something for the evening with another friend I had done a lot with but havent in like a year and my best friend couldve been there potentially but I just didnt go I just went home white lied to my mom I dont want to go I am tired and gone to my room and cried till I fell asleep and just woke up just as miserable. Every time Im sad I talk to my best friend I tell her my problems just like I do right here and sometimes we talk sometimes not and its great but I always feel Im annoying Im dragging her down Im just looping with the same boring problems and Im more sorry and she says its not like that and that I can always talk to her and I appreciate and know that but yet I still always feel Im hated. shes the only person I talk to so personally. When I started becoming really anxious and depressed I went to my parents bedroom every night with all sorts of reasons why Im dying or becoming stupid or not myself, and they were so annoying honestly and partially shut me down and then I just couldn't talk to them anymore, so I dont they probably know Im not but I always say Im fine or fineish. I dont know where Im going here. Anyways I want to become better I dont want to feel how I feel but for one my fried is probably asleep and also I feel I have pressured her so much also because she like left I dont want her to feel like Im mad at her because even though she didnt tell me a concrete time window in advance that wasnt the problem, definitely not her fault and I am not mad at her or anything. Im just sad, sad I didnt even try, like maybe I would've arrived on time to see her and then couldve gone doing sport with my other friend and maybe her too and it wouldn't have been a problem. I feel like I need to not depend on her too much and try to distance myself but then she always tells me shell tell me when Im doing too much, shell set her boundaries and that what In doing is still alright and she tries to help me and comforts me and I feel like Im hurting her but she says I am not, and I want to believe it but am scared I am still and I dont want to distance myself and I dont know how to handle it. ------------------------ I hope this isn't inappropriate and fits in this sub. I resonate well with aspies and the tests were all about average as an indication and my best friend also agrees. I try to get diagnosed and also treated since I clearly have some mental health issues and will hopefully see whether aspergers is a part of it. I am always unsure how to talk to doctors and psychologist and always fail to get help I just cant fucking do it, why? I want it and I recommend it to others but then I dont do it, I hate calling 500 people at random times where Im usually asleep and I think endlessly about my problems simulate tens of hours of therapy sessions in my head with lists of problems but then Im hurting in my whole body filled with slef hatred and will just tell them ""yeah I just dont feel good"" and do they take me seriously? do I have problems? am I depressed? Im sure I have anxiety. but am I right? am I an aspie or just tricking myself, falling for my own biases? or do I ""just feel bad""? Im sorry if this is wrong here",3 I have exam for which schedule is unknown . I am emotionally numb. I am unable to study due to accelerating pandemic in India. I have severe executive dysfunction . I do not know what. I am aimlessly scrolling through social media . My future depends on this exams .please help . It is one of the toughest exam in my country.,3 "You would think the older a person gets, the more meaning they would find in life. For me, it's the opposite. Nothing to me seems meaningful enough to spend time on. As a result, the days just go by wasted. I don't enjoy anything. I don't know how to have a conversation. I am lucky to have a good job but I don't fit in there. I don't fit anywhere. I'm 24 and it will only get worse as I get older. My memory is shit and I can barely get through the day. If you asked me to recall what I did yesterday I can't even tell you. I have very few memories of my own life. I have no social meaningful social connections. I feel anxious and paranoid when I'm in public. I wish there was a way to take a pill and wake up the next day feeling like I had something I was passionate about, like a cause or a hobby. I have some hobbies like playing guitar but I just get frustrated way too easily and I never feel passionate about them. Instead I just go through the day thinking negative thoughts even though I know that I am wasting time and energy. My focus is shit and this post is all over the place. I don't feel competent at my job at all. It's a technical job and I am not particularly intelligent. I always have the urge to go out and join some kind of group but whenever I'm in public everything feels like shit so I end up just hiding in my hole. And life just goes by.",2 "I don’t usually like saying my problems cause I don’t wanna seem like I’m fishing for attention. But goddamn I’ve been feeling so alone lately, nervous about fucking up everything I have. I don’t wanna feel like I’m struggling anymore. I wish things were simpler.",2 "I've suspected I had OCD my entire life, but I wasn't diagnosed until I was 23. December 2019-Present has been a severe battle with my mental health, and since my spouse and I have moved in with his crowded family, I've noticed my anxiety and compulsions have gotten worse. I have a major fear of contamination from the poor personal hygiene habits of others. I have noticed I wash my hands twice as much as I used to, and feel severely distressed if my hands are unclean. My skin-picking disorder and intrusive thoughts last nearly all day, and I have trouble making progress in my handmade jewelry crafting because I can't stop sorting my bead collection. Is there any medication that helps with OCD compulsions.",1 "I've had an OCD from 9 years. I never know my disease was OCD but I knew that few months ago as my symptoms got matched with OCD. My OCD is too much now. My mind thinks of many unnecessary things multiple times everyday and gets me into stress. I do a lot of compulsions everyday which my mind tells me to do. I know OCD is a lie but still i cannot control it. I try not to focus on those thoughts but still my mind does. I am in big big trouble. If I hadn't OCD in my life, i would be able so happy. I wanna get rid of my OCD. If you have cured OCD through any methods, please suggest me those. I am curious if meditation helps. Or should i visit psychotherapist?",1 "I feel numb to everything now. I dont talk about what bothering me due to not wanting go be a burden or gated more also I have like no friends to talk to about this and my bf has alot on his plate so i dont talk about it with him so i dont cause him more stress. I also feel like he might end things with me soon cuz he feels as if hes a burden to me when hes not. Sorry for the rant just needed to share some things. Also no ever asks how im doing now unless i show im upset which is rarely since ive gotten really good at pitting a mask on. Dont need to responded i just need it off my chest.",2 "I'm feeling very depressed and I'm just wondering if it will ever get better? I'v tried so many pills and I'm just wondering anyone of them will work? I fucking hate everything and the only thing that seems to make me feel better is running, but that still doesn't make ""love"" life anymore. I guess I'm more curious about ssri's and if they actually made you enjoy life more? Because I feel completely empty most of the time and don't seem to want to pursue things..",2 "I've had pretty severe ptsd symptoms from abuse for a few years that have progressively gotten worse. I turned 17 in December and that was the day I drove with my mom out of state to my grandma's house because the next day we needed to take her off life support. She died shortly after being taken off. I stayed with my mom at my grandma's house for a couple weeks off and on helping pack up and just being there. By the time it was over it was a few days before Christmas. A couple days after the holiday I worked for an elderly couple I've grown close to. That was Saturday. Monday I got a message from my neighbor asking about taking care of their dogs. The man had gotten covid pneumonia and the woman was in a car accident. The old man is home and doing well, stronger everyday he said. However the woman suddenly passed away. She was like another grandma to me. I would even say I was closer to her than my grandmas just because she was physically closer and I saw her more. I had worked for her for six years, last year I worked for her everyday for three months doing the cooking and cleaning and helping with some medical things. She was always so kind. We would eat together and talk about life. It was so sudden... It was a few days later my remaining grandma was on hospice and she passed away a week later. It's been nearly a month since everything happened. I haven't been sleeping and my ptsd has been worse. The other night I was texting my friend when an attack hit. I saw all my pets and family and friends dying in different realistic ways, except a few people who died in absurd ways. It was so bad I thought I was imagining talking to my friend. It took him ten or so minutes to convince me it was an attack and he was ok. I don't know why I had an attack like that. I'm still shaken after it though. Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this?",3 "i dont know if im reassurance seeking right now but here it goes a year ago i sent an awful mean violent spiteful message anonymously on instagram dms, to a guy because i was mad about something he said about rape and women and his whole comment section was talking so awfully about rape he screenshotted and posted it with sad music in background i apologized and tried to make amends and would check up on him and even checked with his friends once to see if hes okay but now a year later i still feel so much guilt, and i know this makes so sense but i feel as bad as school shooters and murderers everytime someone mentions school shooters i become anxious becauee my thought process is like ""what if im as bad"" ""what if theyre talking about me"" i think its because school shooters are usually young and i was 13 when i did it so i guess when people talk about school shooters it just makes me feel so anxious and the thing is I DONT KNOW WHY, like in my head it makes sense but out loud it doesnt because im literally not a school shooter, never planned to be, never had a single thought about that i have no interest in guns they actually scare me and i hate any type of violence so why do i feel this way and am i as bad as a school shooter or even a murderer, i feel like the worst person ever",1 If someone tells me some bad news or I read something on internet or hear on news I quickly identify with that news and picture that happening to me? Is this also ocd? I hate this so much I can't get out of this . These are called triggers I read and I am like omg what if I also did that or do that? Most would dismiss this but I catch hold and I obsess so bad :(,1 "PTSD medical bill question with a vent. I was wondering how many violent crime victims had their medical bills paid? I asked for help for rape. They participate in the first cardinal sin of not believing victims and encouraging people to not believe me as well. He is not living with rape trauma syndrome, loss of wages, and pain and suffering, yet he takes time out of his day to psychologically harm me with no evidence and tell people not to help me. That kind of behavior within the legal profession is what leads to two month legal sentences for violent sexual predators. I wish the bar would screen for attorneys with no respect for sex crimes. My PTSD medical bills should be paid. Not disregarded because an arrogant individual cannot not get over the possibility he might *gasp* be wrong.",3 "I’m a sophomore in college and freshman year I was on campus for just 2 months before I attempted. I have no plan whatsoever for my future and my life. My school advisor keeps asking me what major, minor, classes I wanna take and I HAVE NO IDEA. I literally have no interests or friends or anything except substances. Idk what I’m doing and I know that everything I’m doing know is just sabotaging my future but idk what to do or how to stop I’m literally so lost",2 "I grew up with a severe adhd diagnosis. In school I used to be prescribed strong amount of Ritalin and adderall and vyvanse. The medicine always calmed me down and allowed me to focus and do work. But I never like the “zombified feeling” of taking the meds. But more recently I’m wondering should I look into getting prescribers more new up to date adhd medicine to help my hyperactivity and unfocused ness or should I just try to cope with it without meds. I just don’t know how the pros and cons of taking adhd meds will balance out. I don’t want to “become a different person” because I’m medicated all the time. But also I’m very compelled at the idea of being able to get back on some type of medication to make me feel like a “normal” person would Any advice?",0 The thought of me killing myself still lingers and I know there’s more to life but I honestly wish I could do it. I have a plan on doing it in 2 years but I wish I could do it now,2 "The only obvious one to me is when I manage to accidentally insult or compliment people when this was unintended. I shared this story earlier but some friends and friends of friends at a pub thought I was bisexual and flirting. Because I told a guy that said he wanted to lose weight down from 90kg; ""Where do you hide the other 20kg? You look super fit - like 70kg!"". It was a factual objective observation with no agenda or implication from my side. I was just genuinely surprised he weighed that much because he didn't look like it. I didn't realize some of them could even think I was hitting on him. Happens more often with insults though. I wasn't diagnosed until recently at the age of 36. And it took a suicide attempt and 9 months of psych eval to find out I had Asperger and ADHD. I first thought I had anti-social personality disorder, because I don't feel guilt, regret, fear or anxiety (psychopathic traits). Turned out this stemmed from my view on myself, other humans and the world through a very cold and cynical analytical lense - and not through malevolence. Anyway. Thing is. I have no idea what behaviors, speech and acts I do is ""real"" and ""fake"". When I mask or not. What parts of me are affected by Asperger and not. And to what degree. I don't feel like I have an actual personality. More like an amalgamation of the thousands of people I have imprinted upon myself. I don't feel like a real person. But an artificial construct that has assimilated all thoughts, opinions, body language, traits and personality from other people - having become a Frankenstein's monster that mimics life as if I was a living reliquary of different minds in a hive mind. So what's the problem? The above also applies to NT people too no? Assuming roles as well. I was wondering if anyone have the same feelings, or any thoughts or advice on this. How do I know what parts of me is the ""standard human operating system"" and which parts has been reprogrammed and how much? The issue in identity crisis for me is that, I think I'm overthinking and overexaggerating Asperger compared to how much actual effect it has on making you different from an NT. But how do you even know what parts and how much is ACTUALLY Asperger - and what parts are simply the human condition and nature?",3 "So... I'm kinda set off at the moment thinking about PTSD. So I'm an adult now but when I was 10 I was just discouraged from getting a life. Indoctrinated by jehoVahs witness and also outcasted by my dad for he is a scientologist. I'm not really thriving or surviving I'm basically at my ending rope btw. Anyway I think I was 10 and started to stop wanting to obey my parents or the Borg. And I imagined having a boyfriend. But now I have had 9 sexual partners since I was 18 and I never really emersed (?)myself in reality or the moment. I have been kissing since I was 11 as well. I don't know what to do about this right now since it seems like say, the idea of watching porn could help me? Or even thinking about sex? Because I'm too numb to think about it. So the times I did have intercourse? It was all depression and loneliness. I've had a good kissing experience though it seemed less taboo. But essentially I'm scared to break the norms, to think outside of the chains or Jehovah's witness ideas. But if I see someone consenting then it's kind of scary to me. If I look up Gore on Google then I feel not aroused but more calm with this idea then a woman not being punched.",3 " Here I am again, looking at myself again, I can't remember why again but I hate myself and cry again, you listen from the other room still I may as well be miles from you..you still hold me close in my mind and the last 10 years I falisify, planting someone else's memories in attempt to replace the suffering but I know the high will go again and I'll be looking at myself again, I'll hate myself and cry again, I beg you let me die my friend.",2 "Hello, I've been struggling a lot with online school and it seems a lot of people like me have too, I was wondering if anyone here has decided to quit their studies to go work or something else until studies are back to in person, or if anyone has any advice on the matter. I live in Scotland and I have 5 free years of higher education and I shouldn't lose this year's if I decide to leave before November 1. Thank you",0 "One of the hard things about having a special interest is that it makes the brain prioritize on consuming that special interest as a form of mental malnutrition. When watching trailers for upcoming releases, I may have accidentally wind up developing a special interest for that franchise or standalone product when I don't have the means of access to it. Especially when it's not even close to being released. This causes me to have some burnout because I ignore the plate of content that I haven't finished and zero in on something that I don't have or doesn't exist. Basically, I run the risk of getting spoiled for all the content I already have access to in my library and it's driving me crazy.",3 "please tell me i'm not the only one who does this? i can't step on a sidewalk crack because i'm afraid i'm gonna kill my mom by snapping her spine if i step on it, or MY spine will break. if i say anything about a potential disaster that could possibly ""jinx"" me, i have to knock on wood. i have to wash my hands a specific way and make bubbles & try to blow them away or else i'll feel unclean etc. look both ways before crossing the street or you're gonna get brutally murdered by a car, etc. there are a bunch of others that i can't think of rn but is that normal or am i just crazy for like. having my compulsions based off of stupid little things that i grew up with?",1 "Has Wellbutrin ever worked for anyone? I've been on it for over a month and have to desire to get out of bed or do anything. My psychiatrist is out of the country until next month, but I feel like it should have started helping. I was on Prozac for many years and felt like it stopped helping so we switched to Wellbutrin because I don't feel it helping at all.",2 "I know that I post a lot of unsubstantial stuff on this subreddit, but I think that it’s good for me to post all of this in a public domain of some kind to help me keep track. I no longer get frozen with anxiety when I see my trigger. If I have an intrusive thought, I get scared, but I mellow out quickly to let it pass, and try to pay it no mind. I still try to dwell on things that trigger my OCD, and I still check things to make sure they’re “right”, and I still have crippling self-doubt and anxiety, BUT I think this is a step in the right direction! I think this subreddit has helped me out a lot too. I can only thank the wonderful people of this subreddit who helped me realise that I’m not alone, and that my OCD does not control me.",1 "I just want to share how frickin' awesome having a whiteboard on my wall next to where I do most my stuff has been. Unlike a journal or something similar it's always there and ready to use, as well as the fact it can then be wiped away and it is such a great feeling if I have a task I need to do and I do it and I then wipe it off once it's done. It has gotten a bit chaotic looking with all the random things I'm trying to remember and I write it down but it's still less of a mess than my brain is so I'll take it as a win! It just being in my face as much as it is is probably why I have actually used it a lot and gotten a lot out of it. It doesn't fix everything of course but I never thought of them as a thing that might be useful until I figured it out. Although you can pretty clearly see what I planned/wrote out while my meds were still doing something vs after they wear off for the day which is kinda interesting.",0 " Hi there, I'm 16 years old and for the past 2 years or so I've been struggling with OCD, specifically POCD. I once ruminated, had compulsions and anxiety towards 10 hours a day - it was a living hell. Now, I perhaps get one hour of intrusive thoughts a day, and rarely get anxiety, but more the less; nervousness, I'm worried and scared. I don't like my thoughts, I think they're disgusting, and I would never, ever attack a kid. Of course, OCD has tried to trick me into believing otherwise, but in the end, I don't want to. I do feel a lot of times that whenever a thought enters my brain, it feels as I like it, but then I say to myself: ""Do I actually like it?"" I then rethink my thought, and it almost 99% of the times end up me finding out I didn't like my thoughts. Of course, my thoughts have also entered a lot of times where I immediately felt disgust. I've also stumbled upon some very odd looking people on P\*rnHub, who looks a bit younger than they should: drawings, etc. And I find that extremely disgusting, and I, then, immediately logs off. So, yeah, in the end, I don't like my thoughts, and I don't like these things on P\*rnHub, or just any other xxx website that shows these kinds of things. So, why do I then worry so much if I don't like my thoughts, and I don't like the things I've seen on P\*rnHub? Well, OCD ain't so kindly that it'll let me go so easy. Today, I slept for a good 5 minute nap, and in my dream, I dreamt I held a little boy. Perhaps at the age of 4 - 6. I thought to myself, when I was about to hold him; ""Do not feel arousal and do not get a boner."" (Not getting a boner has been an obssesion for me for some months.) So, I then held the little boy, and while I did it, it feel as I was aroused, but at the same time not. Like, it felt kind of I was aroused, and I liked it, but at the same time I was very scared and worried (I didn't feel anxiety), that I'll feel arousal, or that I'll get a boner (Not so much for the boner part, but more the arousal part). It wasn't a strong sexual feeling. I don't even know if I can call it arousal, because whenever I do feel real arousal, I'm in the moment, I like it, but this didn't feel as a normal typical arousal feeling. It felt odd and strange. It still felt as I kinda liked it, but it was definitely not strong in any way. In my dream, I didn't had any temptations to tocuh the kid inappropriate, I just wanted to get the hell away from him. Then, I woke up, and I had a boner. So, now it has been bothered me this whole day. Thinking ""What if I'm a pedophile."" ""What if it wasn't OCD all along."" I haven't felt any sort of anxiety to it, because I've gotten a lot better handling these kind of things. It helps doing ERP, since I then don't feel as worried as I once was, and it helps me see that I don't like my thoughts. Is this normal? Am I just a disgusting pedophile? I don't wanna live a life like a pedophile. I like kids, and I want to have some myself one day. Thanks for your time!",1 "I was diagnosed with ADHD-PI around June of 2021. It is kind of an unusual story I think. My wife was diagnosed with ADHD-combined late last year in 2020. She has struggled for years with certain social behaviors in the work environment and personality quirks that she really beat herself up about since long before I met her. I am not here to tell her story, but after her diagnosis things started to fall into place a bit. I started reading some scientific papers about ADHD and started poking around on the ADHD subreddit. My goal at the time was to educate myself about her diagnosis so that I could be a supportive partner and try to help her navigate though her journey with medications and behavioral changes, etc. Well, the more I read about ADHD, and in particular the more stories people told and frustrations they expressed on r/ADHD, the more I realized that I might also have ADHD. I would read a story and think to myself ""I could have written that entire story verbatim"" or see a ""does anyone else"" post and raise my hand high in the air. After reading enough posts, papers, and reflecting on the things in my life that I have struggled with personally I became mostly convinced that I too was experiencing ADHD symptoms. I had honestly never even considered it until this year. I didn't know anyone that had ADHD (that I knew of) except for one middle school girlfriend whose little brother had severe hyperactive behaviors. That was my mental image of what ADHD was - kids that literally couldn't function or sit still. I had no idea until I started reading that there were different subtypes or that hyperactivity is not always a component of ADD. I always struggled with reading and with homework. I can do both and I am an intelligent person, but I had to muster every fiber of my being to be able to focus hard enough to complete a multi-chapter reading assignment or create a plan of attack for researching and writing a paper. It just felt like homework and motivation was way harder for me than it was for my peers even though I felt above average. It would take me hours to complete a reading assignment that most people could have completed in 30 minutes. I grew up in a house with a highly intelligent and motivated older sister for whom school was a joke because it was so easy for her. So here I am feeling like an intelligent person compared to my peers but always comparing myself and my difficulties with reading and motivation to someone like my sister who had none of these issues. I had many days and nights where I wondered if I was actually not smart but my ego was protecting me. I would tell myself ""you are street smart, not book smart"" because the way the world worked made a lot of sense to me and I had natural intuition about mechanical things and social situations. My parents' tagline was always ""you can still get A's if you work hard enough."" I did work hard, but I also used my intelligence to find shortcuts that let me do the least work for the desired result. I'd become teacher's pet because I knew it would bias their grading. I'd do extracurricular work to suck up and to take advantage of the extra points that would let me get an A even though my baseline grade was in the B range. I'd ask if there were things I could redo for a better grade. In my career I learned to position myself and sell myself as to impress the right people at the right time. I never lied and I never threw others under the bus to advance myself, but relationships with key people and first impressions are way more important than actual work output in the business world. Showing management something amazing at the exact right time is way more effective than working your ass off 100% of the time if your goal is promotions. Being the most productive employee can actually halt your progress because the company can't figure out how to replace you if they promote you. Ask me how I know. Sorry, but that's been my experience. Here's my personal examples. I'm sure there's more that I am not thinking of. * I never finish projects. I do 90% and then don't finish the last 10% * I procrastinate starting things that I think will be difficult * I can be looking at someone in the eyes while they are talking and then realize that I didn't listen to anything they said * I can have days at work where I am very unproductive because the work is uninteresting and other days where I am hyper-focused and do superhuman things in a short period of time. * Any consistent ambient noise in my work place makes my productivity tank * I struggle with weight management and appetite control despite knowing a great deal about nutrition and exercise science * If someone confronts me, I struggle to ""think on my feet"" and I need time to process my responses or else whatever does come out is rarely what I was actually thinking/feeling. Writing is way easier for me. * I engage in cyclical hobbies characterized by obsession and then a complete reluctance to engage * I struggle with reading because as soon as I start reading my brain goes elsewhere unless it is something I am highly interested in. In school I would read the same paragraph 4 or 5 times before actually reading it. I never read books but read copious amounts of articles * If I get interested in a topic, I will research it incessantly until I feel like I know most of what there is to know about it. I can't apply this skill to things that I should learn about but don't personally care about. My pivotal moment was in 2021 when I read an r/ADHD post about cyclical hobbies. The OP was asking if anyone else ever got super obsessed with a new hobby and did it maniacally to the detriment of their other responsibilities and relationships, only to get bored with it at some point and completely abandon it with great resolve. Like they literally couldn't stand to even do it even though it had been the center of their life for whatever period of time. I was on the tail end of that cycle myself. In my case it was art. I had risen to prominence in a very specific online community and had been focusing 100% of my free time and attention on this hobby and at some point I reached a breaking point where I realized that I was deprioritizing work and being a dad and good husband just so I could chase this hobby that had no rational end goal - it was a combination of competitiveness and ego with a small financial benefit. I could hardly believe the comments section when almost every poster was like ""Yes. I do that too and I hate it. I just want balance"". That really struck me. After neglecting my work, family, and personal health needs for over a year I decided that I needed to clean up my act and started focusing on self-improvement and balance. I got a primary care doctor and talked with them about uncontrolled eating habits, yo-yo dieting, and my suspicion that I might have ADHD. At that time, it still felt a bit like imposter syndrome because I just couldn't accept that I could have had ADHD for 36 years and not one. single. person. ever noticed or suggested it. Well fuck me, I took the diagnostic test and was firmly in the ADHD-PI category. My primary care doctor was very open to exploring the diagnosis and wanted to start me on a non-stimulant to see if and how it helped. He told me that it is more common to diagnose adults with ADHD than you might imagine. We both work at a major healthcare facility and he said he has diagnosed prominent PhD research scientists at our organization with ADHD and that many diagnoses get missed because some people find ways to work around their ADHD shortcomings and it doesn't cause enough serious problems in their life to warrant evaluation. But that doesn't mean they don't have ADHD, it just means they slipped through cracks. He prescribed Strattera because there is some evidence that it is effective for eating disorders as well and it seemed like a logical starting point. Strattera was okay. The main benefit I noticed was just the ability to persevere. Once I got started on a task, it was easier to keep doing it for a long period of time. It did very little or nothing for alertness, memory, motivation for me. The side effects included ill/nauseous feeling mid morning that at the beginning made me eat less but that eventually went away. After a consult with psychiatry my diagnosis was confirmed and I was prescribed Adderall and Straterra was dropped. I am on 10mg XR now. I immediately noticed a difference and things have really fallen into place for me, especially at work. I think my productivity is higher than it has ever been before in my career. I can prioritize better, do less procrastinating, focus on a task for hours if needed, am a more articulate speaker, and my memory seems better too. I just do things instead of putting them off multiple times. In addition, even though weight loss has still been challenging, I do feel like my executive function is working a lot better and I can be more objective about hunger and portion size. I think that I just haven't applied myself to that yet because I have been focusing a lot on how much better I am performing at work, but I do feel optimistic and much more in control of my life. I was prescribed the book Intuitive Eating which I haven't finished yet. I have only been on Adderall XR for about 2 months, but I am very pleased with the changes to my life so far. I feel a mixture of acceptance, validation, frustration and bitterness. On one hand I feel blessed that I finally figured out why I am the way that I am and happy that treatment is helping me a lot with some of my perceived ""issues."" It is validating to read other's stories and realize that there are other people like me and that some of the things I disliked about myself were out of my control or at least had an explanation - not that I was just shitty at stuff. I feel frustrated that I had to identify this myself and it took me until I was 36 after I already struggled my way through most of life's really challenging milestones. I guess I feel a sense of accomplishment for getting good grades, going to college & grad school, and having a ""successful career"" despite how hard it was for me, but it does piss me off to think about how much easier and less stressful many of those things may have been if I had felt then how I feel now on medication. I also think about what I might have done with my life or accomplished if I had gotten help sooner. Could I have been a doctor or something? I am also low key frustrated with my parents for marginalizing the things that I really struggled with because perhaps I was just average compared to my highly gifted sister. They didn't know anything about ADHD and teachers never noticed because it didn't hold me back ""enough"". Is my sister really that much smarter than me or does she just not have ADHD? I don't know and it doesn't really matter now but it makes me a bit mad that nobody paid attention to my shortcomings or struggles as long as I put in the hard work necessary to get good grades anyway. She is a physician and has a son with ADHD and when I told her she just said ""of course you have ADHD honey"". Fuuuuuck you. I fully realize that many people with more severe ADHD symptoms have endured a lot more hardship than I have. I am telling my own story and certainly not projecting my experience onto others that have had more roadblocks or heartbreak as a result of living with ADHD. My ADHD has always been there, unnamed, part of my personality, but I was privileged and I feel very grateful to be where I am. **TL;DR:** Diagnosed in 2021 at 36 yo. Discovered I have ADHD-PI while researching how to best support my ADHD-C wife (diagnosed 2020). Got diagnosed by PCP and confirmed by Psychiatrist. School was hard but I found every workaround to get good grades despite struggles. Climbed corporate ladder by being strategic. r/ADHD user stories was the catalyst to me realizing that I also have ADHD and never knew. Strattera was okay, but Adderall XR is better for me. Work productivity went zoom. Sister is a-hole.",0 "#**Bills countrywide seek to address PTSD in comp** >Several bills were introduced Wednesday addressing post-traumatic stress disorder claims in workers compensation, according to drafts of legislation filed in four states. [Jan 20, 2020: Business Insurance is the authoritative news and information source for executives concerned about risk and the impact on their business ](https://www.businessinsurance.com/article/20200109/NEWS08/912332503/Bills-countrywide-seek-to-address-PTSD-in-comp) Funny how the Business Insurance Community has headlines on this issue, but the general media are silent. How many Journalist and Anchors have work-related PTSD?",3 "Self-diagnosed until I can afford a psych eval. So, I've always known myself to be an avoidant type of person. I prefer to keep to myself, and stay on the computer for most of the day. And I genuinely enjoy it, I can never run out of things to do, learn, watch, or play. But most people don't sit on the computer for 10 hours a day; they go out with friends, or just out in general, texting their friends, playing games with them, going on dates with romantic partners. Then there's me, who never texts first, almost always responds late, won't go to a function if I don't know at least a few people there, preferably a majority. I can't even stick to fucking GAMING with friends, what the fuck. I actually LIKE gaming, why?! I got into a discord group with an old friend. He saw me online and asked if I wanted to play cs. Of course I said yes, hadn't seen him in years, and he used to be one of my best friends. He invites me to join his group, I do. I was already friends with a few of them in the past. The rest were mutual friends. I had a good time for the first few months, I felt really confident, full of energy, and funny. But, over time, I start growing tired of it. Not of my friends, but I guess of socializing so much daily, even if only through voice. I should note that I was working a physically laborious job at the time, and came home soaking and miserable on the daily, so I'm sure that contributed to the feeling of burnout. I start getting on less and less, and eventually it becomes more of an obligation. ""Come on J, let's play! I know you ain't doing shit anyways."" And he'd be right, I would most likely be wasting my time opening a million tabs of youtube videos. But I still want to ""rest"" a little bit."" Then Valorant comes out, and it's the new hotness for a month or two, and we're playing that. I'm still not back to 100%, but it gave a little boost to my mood for a bit. But as we climbed the ranks I started to understand that I really didn't like this game that much now that I've played it. It was a really good excuse for me to take a break since everyone just wants to play val instead of cs. After 2-3 weeks, I got on again and joined a call, and they were asking if I died. Played a game or two and called it a night. Went back to my break. I started to feel that after all this time, and having not said anything to them about taking a break or leaving, they probably thought I hated them. Or they hated me for just dropping them like they were nothing. Then, couple months later, one guy hits me up and asked to play cs. I played cs for a few hours that night, then another guy got on and kept asking questions like ""are you really our friend dude? where'd you go? I dunno bro, you got some explaining to do"" And honestly that made me stress out more than anything, but I tried not to show it. That had been my biggest fear regarding talking with my friends again and it had been realized. I honestly didn't know what to say to that. Especially the part where he asks me to explain. I dunno, it just sounded like really aggressive questioning to me, and I didn't like it one bit. Now it's been another 4-5 months. I still miss my friends. I still want to play with them. But now I feel like it's gonna be even worse. I can't just say, ""oh yeah, btw, diagnosed myself with autism"" and then go on to explain what autism is, how it effects me, what autistic burnout is and why it occurs. Problems with this are: 1. I can't mention autism over voice, I have quite thin walls and a door that might as well be paper mache, and my highly conservative, highly christian family has quite the negative connotation with the word autism. I don't know how they'd react if I told them I could possibly have it. I guess our family isn't a stranger to mental disorder, my brother has ADHD and my mother had bipolar, as well as her side of the family being stuck in absolute destitution mentally and physically, but that's another story. I guess it just seems like it'd be a ton of work to break down the negative connotations, and then build in their minds on what autism actually is. 2. ""btw, diagnosed myself with autism"" I don't think this would go over well with any other mental disorder ever. I think it only works in autism communities because of the combination of factors that surround autism, namely that people who were never diagnosed as a child have to pay out of pocket as insurance doesn't typically cover autistic screenings, often takes multiple sessions, that it is very expensive, that autistics tend to analyze the ever loving FUCK out of their interests, and if they find out that they might be autistic they will likely make that one of their interests, probably be taking every damn test, reading studies, watching videos, listening to lectures, trying on multiple diagnoses to be sure, doing their absolute do-est diligence to ensure that they are the most informed that they can be, all before even meeting the damn psych. Thing is, if you're not already in autistic communities, this is likely a foreign concept to you, as most of what I hear in non-autistic communities is that self-diagnosis is NOT valid, it is likely not even correct, and you're basically grifting mental illness if you do this, you piece of shit. 3. Would I even be believed if I managed to get around all of this? But if I DON'T say anything, would I even be able to show my face to them ever again? What would I do? Just fucking lie or something? I was just chilling for a few months in a depressive state bro? I honestly still like being on my own, but at the same time I still miss my friends, and I don't know how to reconcile these feelings of ambivalence. This is way too long and rambly, and also pointless? Sorry about that.",3 "I’ve been feeling depressed for about a year or two now and everything seems to be getting worse. my anxiety is so bad now, i’ve stopped going to school completely and have lost almost all of my friends. on the days when i’m saddest i isolate myself from everyone and stay alone. i don’t know how to cope with this overwhelming feeling of sadness, i don’t wanna kill myself but i don’t see any reason to be here anymore. people say that “it gets better” but it never has for me and i’m tired of waiting for a miricale to happen and make everything okay. i have a couple good days before feeling like shit again for the next few months. i don’t see myself leaving this state of depression anytime soon or maybe ever, i don’t want to cause any harm to myself but if anything bad did happen to me then i would just let it. i constantly have a lingering feeling that everybody i love is going to leave me. my own mother has threatened to kill herself because of me and my dad isn’t in the picture. i have nobody to talk to and i’m no good at making/keeping friends. does anybody know how to cope with this feeling? because i want to be better but i don’t know how",2 "Recently a close friend of mine passes away from a substance issue. I knew a former coworker who him self is highly likely to be an neurosiverse would be visiting soon and didn't want him to find out so late. As we were both close with this individual I spoke to him to break the news. Later I found out that he was reaching out to former and current coworkers and telling them about the substance abuse, which many of them didn't know about. This was very disappointing I should have anticipated that in retrospect. Next he was frustrated at me for not explaining that drug abuses wasn't something to include in notifying our acquaintances about the person's passing. I'm trying to find away to let him pass on this and not hold it against him because of how frustrated at am at him for doing something we've all likely done in the past ie say something socially in appropriate.",3 "Hello everyone. I was the one with the post recently named “coping with my diagnosis”. I recently had a distressing talk with both of my parents, where I thought they believed me, they were questioning if it even is molestation if there isn’t sexual intent??? Just crossed boundaries maybe? Please give me sources if you have them that say the person doesn’t have to get off for it to be molestation. I don’t know what to do and I feel super guilty or like I’m lying now.",3 "I feel so stressed lately. My work friend reinforced my abandonment trauma. I felt insanely hurt for a while and now I just feel numb. Like okay I’ll never experience friendship or love — what else is new? I felt suicidal for a while but now even that seems pointless. Is it a burnout? How do you cope? I don’t feel like doing anything, though reading your posts makes me feel like I exist for the outside world, like I’m a person.",3 "I'm in one of those moods where I just feel like doing anything. I've tried reading, watching TV, cleaning, playing a game. I am having a hard time concentrating on any one thing right now. Not so much that my thoughts are racing, and I am anxious, but more so just that nothing is holding my interest right now. I'm not sure how well I am conveying this. What do you do when you are feeling this way? I have plenty of things that I ""should be doing,"" but I am worried about my quality of work by forcing myself to do something important in this moment.",2 "ramble warning: 18 y/o male here, I was diagnosed with autism spectrum when i was in like 3rd grade and my parents never did much about it. i dont think they fully understood the disorder and never took me seriously about how i felt. so i kinda just grew up going with the flow and not getting the help i need. not being able to properly express myself has been slowly putting a dapper on my mental health and lately i feel like im getting really close to just absolutely losing it. ive been trying to do better in social situations but i just always feel like an outcast and a burden. and now ive just dug myself to this hole in life and i dont know how to get out. my mentality has been so shitty. i haven’t been able to go to therapy because im broke and possibly moved out of my parents too soon. but i just couldnt stay with them anymore. they were so toxic and to make matters worse they didnt understand my disorder.",3 "My coach and I had a breakthrough yesterday. A good portion of the thing causing my (out of control) hyperfocus is that I don't trust myself to finish it later. I feel forced to keep going because stopping means stopping forever. The other day I stayed at work until 10:30pm because of this lol Now we just have to start trusting ourselves again hahaha",0 "I'm sorry if this breaks the medical advice rule, thus I am not asking for a diagnosis, just any useful information I guess I guess the gist of my concern is that I genuinely feel different, but I dont know if I am qualified to make the claim I have aspergers. I've always felt like I dont know how to act in social situations. And every party I've been to I've just felt intensely lonely it almost feels like PTSD to me. It's like a mix of fear and anger. I always get so angry and jealous thinking about other people connecting very well, and it evokes the same feeling I thought it was something everyone had, and maybe it is, but I texted an introvert friend and said he never had any feelings related to this. I dont know, I dont feel obsessive, but my brother tells me I go through ""phases"" of things I like, but it feels like normal life to me. Like when I was younger I ""obsessed"" over stuff like math, games, Disney, Stat Wars, etc. I think I've lost this obsessive feeling because I sort of associate it negatively. I've read people with Aspergers have trouble with body language but I legitimately dont know if I do or not because its not something I've ever thought of until one day I watched videos on body language so I can understand people better. Does that make me more knowledgable? Does that mean I had problems? When I read that eye contact could be intimidating, I then felt like I had trouble with eye contact. But, like, I've never thought about it. When I was younger I genuinely dont think I felt empathy. Which is weird because I would feel attached to people. As I grow older I fell in love with people and I feel like that bled into my life and made me feel more empathetic. A couple of people have told me that I've spoken robotically. When I was younger I spoke childishly. But I feel like I change my voice a lot, and it feels kind of natural to do that, but I feel maybe I'm being manipulative. I dont know if my ""masking"" is significant. When I'm with my brother vs my friend vs my other friend I talk differently and make different jokes. When I'm in a big social group I sort of always feel lost. In class, if I had a laid back teacher, I would always interrupt the class with something cool I thought of. I try to stop myself but it's like a strong urge, but I dont do it for attention! I just feel like I have to say it. I've also noticed people treat me differently. I think my classmates see me as kind of stupid and smart at the same time. My class rank is 1, but I feel like people when they talk to me sort of baby down stuff I guess. But they also acknowledge that I can instantly learn math and stuff (This paragraph is an edit) I've also had a crush and I feel like my attachment to this person is significantly stronger than most people would have. I'm not sure this is an overreaction in terms of aspergers (This paragraph is also an edit) My brother says that every time I watch a movie I always quote it and talk about it. These are same of the things which make me suspect I have aspergers but I'm afraid I'm overreacting. I'm very skeptical about self diagnosis. I am biased towards wanting a diagnosis because I want to explain myself, so I keep that in mind. Autism Spectrum Quotient 50 question test- I got a 33 out of 50. I took it again and tried to be more biased against diagnosis and got 32. RAADS R - First time I got a 115. The threshold is 65. The online version said the average neurotypical has a score of like 85, but I suspect this is just because people who take the test are more likely to show symptoms since the original paper confirms that the test, when taken properly, has a strong threshold effect at 65. I took the RAADS R again more skeptical of myself and got 116. But I tried a third time to be more objective and got 94. Am I overreacting? Or is it distinctly possible I have aspergers? No medical advice, I dont want to get in trouble for that, but I really dont know how else to get my answer. A medical diagnosis isnt really an option now. Please help me? Thank you!",3 "Search on youtube ""body language drama"" and watch those videos. These videos are entertaining and informative at the same time. And i think it gives a little bit of insight on why neurotypical play the game they love playing.",3 "I am so stressed right now. There is a complicated documentation task I've been trying to figure out how to automate for years. It is something that only needs to be done intermittently, and I end up postponing it well past its deadline each time because I have not yet identified a system that makes it work so it does not feel like reinventing the wheel every time. There's also a complicated documentation task that must be done several times daily, that I have semi-automated, but it is still clunky and takes way more time than it really should. I keep trying to make improvements to it because I end up falling behind on these as well. When I try googling for ideas, or consulting with colleagues, I get nowhere, because they are not approaches that work with my brain. It just makes me want to cry and give up. Not really looking for any solutions. Just venting. EDIT: Pro-tip -- Please do not DM somebody who is **freaked out while they are literally in the middle of trying to complete a set of tasks with a deadline** and try to offer them solutions, especially when said person stated in their post they are venting and not looking for solutions, and also flaired their post as being for empathy/support only! I don't care if you were ""just trying to help."" ARRGH!! EDIT2: I see that some of those details are in my comment not my OP, so I'll copy that here: >Also, I had some extra time today, so I put time into working on improving my system for the intermittent task. I finally got fed up and decided ""eff-it."" >And then I remembered I had the entire week's worth of daily tasks that I still need to complete today. I am beyond stressed -- I am in that place where my body feels like it's buzzing and my teeth hurt.",0 "Hi everyone. My husband (29m) and I (20f) have been married for almost three years. He was diagnosed with severe ADHD back in February and has been medicated since. Last night, he brought up how he feels like I don’t ever listen to him. This happened after he was talking to me about his meds and I went to the basement during the conversation. I was still genuinely listening just grabbing something, although I see how that was rude on my part. But then, this turned into a conversation about how I “never ever listen to him” about anything. As standard with ADHD, he has many, many special interests, that seemingly change by the day. Lately it’s been RC cars and his PC that he built. But he told me today that he feels like I genuinely don’t care about anything that he has to say or that he’s interested in. This took me kind of by surprise and really broke my heart because I do listen to him what I feel like is as much as I can. I ask questions, even when I don’t know what the hell I’m even asking. I’m a stay at home mom, and pretty burnt out. And it’s really hard to keep a conversation for me about something that I don’t really know anything about, that’s like weeks deep. So I listen, and add what I can. But he’s upset because he said he wishes he had someone to talk to about it instead of just saying “cool babe”. Which I’ll admit, I use that line a lot, but I don’t know how to add to a conversation that literally makes no sense to me. I feel like a dick for not caring to learn about it on my own (I suspect I may have ADHD myself) but I’m so exhausted and don’t know where to even begin. He’s so deep into these hobbies and talking about things that literally sound like a foreign language to me. I guess my question is, am I an asshole? And how can I better support him? It just feels so overwhelming when he’s constantly talking about something new and confusing to me. I love him so deeply and I don’t want him to feel like I don’t care about him.",0 "Hi, does anybody else obsess over stuff other people have said or done (along with your own mistakes)? Cuz like, I feel responsible for all of my dad's racist, sexist, homophobic jokes and actions and I obsess over them.. it's like it's my entire responsibility to fix all of his mistakes (especially, of course, the unfixable ones). Realistically I know that I'm doing all I can while protecting myself from my dad's outbursts (he is....let's just say, he sucks. Not physically violent though dw), but I feel like I'm the problem because my dad isn't woke enough? I guess? I'm sorry if this sounds stupid 😂 I feel like I'm just as bad as him even though I always call him out, but some stuff literally happend before I was born so unless they invent a time machine....",1 "Hi fellow Aspians. This is not my first time burning out but this is the first time I've been crying uncontrollably for days. Every single emotion feels ten times worse and all I want to do is crawl into bed and never move again. Is this burnout? Or just emotional instability? Please help, I'm getting confused.",3 "I have ptsd from something bad that happened to me when I was a young teen, around 14, and I am constantly reminded of what happened to me. Sometimes I dream that the assault happens again or that the perpetrator is breaking into my house. Even in daily life I get flashbacks of what happened. If a guy bumps into me or comes around a corner and I wasn’t expecting it, my body clams up and I start feeling very anxious. Worst of all, it happens when I’m with my boyfriend. He loves me more than anyone and I cannot imagine life without him. But, because of the assault, when we try to do anything sexual I freeze and can’t even move. I’m suddenly petrified that I’m so vulnerable. Even though I trust him with my life my body won’t let me put my guard down. Does anyone else experience these things? Is there something I can do to try and work through these problems? Any suggestions would be very helpful. I have been to a psychologist for years, but this is still a big problem for me. So please, any suggestions would be great.",3 "I've considered myself bisexual since I was much younger, I've known I've been attracted to women. I was incredibly confident in my sexuality, never even questioning if I might not be attracted to men. But ever since I watched the youtuber Contrapoints' video in which she touched on compulsory heterosexuality, I've been plagued with horrible questioning about my sexuality that has taken over my life. I literally cannot think about anything else. If I were normal, I would think that my reaction is proof that I am definitely gay. However, I have suffered from really bad OCD since I was little, and I truly cannot tell if I am dealing with [SO-OCD](https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/what-is-sexual-orientation-ocd-so-ocd-your-guide-to-this-ocd-subtype). I have dealt with similar forms of OCD in the past, so it would make a lot of sense, and I am absolutely going through the motions of OCD in my questioning. I relate to some of the details of the lesbian masterdoc and some aspects of comphet, but I don't exactly feel confident in saying that I'm not attracted to men. This of course leads me down another spiral of my OCD saying I'm actually gay and just experiencing comphet, and I only WANT to be attracted to men. Has anybody else dealt with this?",1 "Intrusive thoughts have done to my sex life and ability to masturbate what losing a pair of kegs would do to a marathon runners ability to run. And this problem isn't new. I've wrestled from to help and back with the same thoughts for years. All of them revolve around my dad. They involve him doing things and making involuntary response trigger noises and the face gestures associated. It is a problem that at its core in the beginning was based on a traumatic event had become some malfunctioning hardwiring in my brain. Literally every single fucking time I try to think of a girl and masturbate images of him start flashing into my head. The involuntary and most confusing noises appear as well. Its so bad that if I was feeling aroused and I read by accident a word or hear someone say by accident a word or even the thought of such word crosses my mind while thinking, words that accentuate the involuntary response trigger like tip which is so bad that uust writing it induced some horribly confusing thoughts of the aforementioned, I cannot. I wrestled like hell with this and the one thing that made this much worse is the fact that i lived with my family and or visited them frequently dince it began. Every timr I could have freedom i have to interact with him or see him or hear him and the problem comes back. When I don't see him for a month, I feel more at peace though since this has been going on for so long, bot really.  My sex life is not my sex life. It is a never ending game of trying to feel like myself and solve the problem of this. To solve the problem of the confusion. I have had every kind of obsession and this is among the worst if not the worst. It is absolutely horrid.  I was feeling horny and wanted to jerk off to a girl but during the entire time the thoughts kept invading my consciousness. And then it became like as if I'm doing it to them. Afterwards I feel contaminated and confused. I even feel like I lost my normal attraction. I feel deeply lost. And any other plans I had tonight have been ruined by this horrible essence.  Whenever I see someone that is a player complain about shit or any guy that can have sex abd masturbate with a clear mind, I want to say FUCK YOU AT LEAST YOU HAVE MENTAL FREEDOM! I'll gladly take your shit instead. I'm sure if I gave you my problem you'll be begging to have yours back. My mind is on crutches and will always be on crutches especially if I live in an environment where the odds of it being renewed are constant.  Thank you for reading. ",1 "Does being on the spectrum require a professional diagnosis to be accurate, or is it something that online tests, like the AQ or ritzvo can accurately assess? I test high on both those tests, so does that mean I'm ""on the spectrum"" but require a diagnosis to see if have actual ASD, or does it simply mean there is a high(er) likelihood that I am on the spectrum, but without a diagnosis, it means nothing? Also, is ASD a term used to group up all several different diagnosis, or is it just used synonymously with Aspergers specifically?",3 "I've started to notice that my sense of wonder about life, about new things, new places, new ideas, are starting to fade away the longer I work or interact within the NT world. Don't get me wrong, I completely understand the need for adult responsibilities such as having a job, getting food into my mouth, paying bills, etc. But the way the NT folks lives their lives feels so soul-draining and worst of all, the NT people seems to be so blind to it! They are so engrossed in maintaining their cognitive status quo that they would so completely oblivious to how their choices, behaviors, lifestyles, etc actually create barriers and/or harms upon their emotional and psychological well-being. And it's rubbing off on me because I'm expected to abide by their status quo or else I don't get paid or become completely isolated from society, which of course our human nature (regardless of being NT or autistic) cannot handle if we were to end up being the only company for the rest of our lives. But regardless of the masks I used to protect myself or the many different coping mechanisms I used to keep my cognitive, intuition, and emotional energies in harmony, the slow NT infusion is still happening over the years, making me feel like I'm losing a little part of me every day. With those losses, the unique sense of wonder that comes from having a very diverse mind is fading away. The sad thing is I don't know if there is actually a way to stop it other than telling the NT world to stop behaving the way they are and to become more open to what is the ""reality"" is around them instead of seeing the reality for what they want it to be. Has anyone else felt the same way?",3 "Is anyone else able to go to work and function well at work , but the minute you have a day off you just are terribly depressed , Unable to leave the bed or even function ? What kind of depression is this … iv been struggling with this for a while and im not sure if this is normal just feels like its all in my head",2 As the title says I’m often physically violent in my sleep usually when I’ve had nightmares/night terrors as my body doesn’t seem to do the usual paralysis thing when I’m unconscious this has led to me hitting my partner numerous times while asleep and I feel pretty bad about it. I’m wondering if anyone else experiences this and if so if they’ve found any effective ways to either reduce or stop this from happening because I obviously want to keep my partner safe when I have these episodes.,3 "I just came here because idk what else to do right now. I stop eating when my depression is bad, and i feel super impulsive like my mind is a motor that keeps going. I can't think rationally ever because I don't feel in control of myself. It's a really scary feeling. I hope yall are doing well <3",2 "TW (hitting & yelling) (This is a long one and I need help or advice on this) The memory that hurts me the most is when my mother hit me with a ruler She hit my on the calf while yelling at me. She didn't stop when the ruler broke. She didn't stop when I felt like I was blacking out and I tried to sit down. She didn't even come back into the room to tell me that she was sorry. She just yelled at me.... telling me that lying about my grades was the wrong thing to do. I lied because I was too afraid to tell her that I got a B on my report card. I lied because I thought it would keep me from being yelled at again. She told me that she didn't want to have a daughter like me because I lied. And now... I stopped lying to her so I guess that worked. Now I'm here crying about it every time I remember that stupid... idiotic memory. Our relationship is fine now! She yells at me but she doesn't hit me when I do something wrong! I only get yelled at when I wake up late or when I get a B on my test or when I talk back to her. I love my mom but when she starts yelling I just get scared. She's nice and sweet and gives me what I need. She gives me all the food, shelter, clothes, tutor, everything! She cooks for me and and does everything! She's a mother. The experience wasn't that bad at all! It just happened a long time ago and now I'm in high school. She stopped hitting me when I entered high school. I've seen people with worse experience! Yet here i am crying about this for no reason at all So why am I so upset about this? Is... is this trauma? Like what is this?",3 "I'm trying my best but keep burning my pans. I have a bird, so regular nonstick/Teflon is out, and I keep ruining ceramic pans by burning them. I've literally set off the fire alarm multiple times while standing right in front of the stove and spacing out. I'm looking at cast iron or carbon steel, but my trash brain and bad joints would like something easy to maintain and able to handle foods that stick. I tried carbon steel once, but even after repeated seasoning attempts it kept flash rusting. Now I'm thinking about cast iron, but what are your thoughts? How hard is it to maintain and will it stay nonstick even if I let something burn?",0 "PTSD is kind of taking over my life. Day after day I get less functional. My memory is shot, I'm always in a fog. I can't work. I'm still going to work every day, but I find myself unable to accomplish anything. What I do end up doing is wrong because I have forgotten steps or do something without remember doing it. My supervisor is definitely making it worse. She is short and is constantly making me feel worthless. I feel like I need to either quit and try to find an easier job or take some time off somehow to try to work on my recovery. Has anyone else taken time off because of PTSD symptoms? What did you do?",3 "Hey ya'll! I've posted before asking for input on medicine. My next check in is in about a week, and I'm still worried about pulling the trigger on my medication choices unnecessary. I don't feel more focused, but there is nothing intensive in my life at the moment to really test it against. So I thought I'd try something new, that I think could help newly medicated folks. For those who don't ""feel"" the effects of your medicine (but know they're working) what tests do you employ to ensure that things are running smoothly?",0 "**Monster behind the mist, by Colosen** *Beyond the mist,* *I see the outline of a monster.* *Drowning in its midst,* *He really is the taunter.*   *A hard blow I deliver with my fist,* *To the monster hiding within.* *A harder blow it delivers from behind the mist,* *As I realise the only coercion is to coexist.*   *After a long time of coexistence,* *The monster marks it’s distance -* *After a long time of ignoring,* *And loses its persistence.*   *It feels ingenuine -* *It feels like I’m faking it.* *But that’s the only medicine,* *That’ll make the monster quit.* *\[The mist here refers to the uncertainty, for it’s the monster that’s the enemy and not the mist\]* p.s. I'm not a poet and I'm not great at English and this is one of my first attempts at poetry, I hope you guys liked it and I hope someone out there could relate deeply to this poem. However even if no one did that's alright, it's just about how I felt and it's alright if no one else feels this way and this poem feels absurd, cause my emotions can be absurd too. Edit: If there's issues with the formatting please dm me, I'm seeing issues with it and trying to resolve it.",1 "Hi, I am looking for a guide on how to make plans with others. It's hard for me to initiate plans with others and I often forget things like confirming plans, time, place, etc. If anyone had a step by step guide I could follow that would be great. I could only find this website: [https://www.succeedsocially.com/plans](https://www.succeedsocially.com/plans) but this is for making plans with groups and one on one plans with closer friends are different, and I feel like it skips a lot of the more basic steps.",0 "I feel like I could be done with my to do list much sooner if I didn't feel overwhelmed after each task. I need to spend some time unwinding then I need to spend some time re-checking, and re-confirming next item on my to do list. Also, sometimes I initiate a task and then I need to get back to it in the future. I totally forget that I've initiated it and future me feels overwhelmed to initiate it. Then I build up the courage to look at my work and see that 1st of that task is already done and sometimes even completed entirely.",0 "Hi, I tried searching in this sub but couldn't find any posts about adderall affect on AD(H)D folks in the first week. It's just the second day since I started it, and I'm on 5mg x2 times a day. So far, I ""just"" feel relaxed and calm and without my usual anxious mind. But I still find myself relaxed and slipping into distracting habits that pull me away from work. Is this because the dosage is too low for me? Or does it take a few days for the ""reduce distractedness and be more motivated to get work/anything done"" part to kick in? Or is this a total misconception I have on how adderall works - if so, how should I proceed?",0 "I'm thinking about leaving my faith. But I keep getting what seems to be signs. I didn't include much/anything that sounds like complete OCD nonsense. I became a Christian because I suddenly felt like I sinned in a way that God gave me one chance left to avoid. I prayed trembling. The next day one of my grandpas friends came over, looking for my grandpa. He started talking to me about how I need to get my life on track, and that he had a divine appointment with me. (wasn't about becoming Christian, and that guy might do things like that all the time) Once I asked God what I should do with my life and open up the Bible. I got music three times in a row (music is something I've tried before). Doing it again I got music one or two times in a row. So combined I got music 4 or 5 times in a row. (Granted around the center of the Bible is psalms which has a lot of music, but it was not psalms at least once). I saw a verse in one of those random Bible verse websites that made sense to me. I then saw it over a subreddit, and then again as the Bible verse of the day for that same Bible verse website. How likely are things like this for people who seek them? In church there seems to a lot of things that are preached that related to me at the time. I asked God to give me a verse about water if He is real. And the verse I first landed on kind of sounded like it was about water, then I read the verse above it and it was. (The original verse wasn't though, but it did sound like it was) The other week I was in church and I heard a pastor say something like ""If you think Gods word is lacking then- etc"". It being about Gods word lacking caught my attention, even though he actually said something about YOU lacking knowledge in Gods word (I miss heard). I talked to that pastor after church. Then the next day he called, he said he felt that the Holy Spirit told him to tell me about a course he had. The guy thought I was interested in evangelizing when I talked to him before, although that is not my priority right now (its seeing if I'm going to stay in the faith). I agreed to do his course because of what he said about God guiding him. Thinking this will help my faith if God truly told him (again though, he thought I wanted to evangelize when I talked to him at church). Today he called to review the first chapter of acts (a book in the Bible. In that he sighted John 14:12 which says: ""Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father."". This struck me, because I have this idea that God will only show me what I need to believe after I stop sinning completely. Even though this verse doesn't really say that. Afterword's I opened the Bible to John seeing if I could get meaning out of any verse I ran onto (to disprove it being a sign). Doing that I went to a page that said these verses. **25** These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you. **26** But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. **15** If ye love me, keep my commandments. **16** And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; **17** Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you. **23** Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him. **24** He that loveth me not keepeth not my sayings: and the word which ye hear is not mine, but the Father's which sent me. **9** As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. **10** If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love. These verse's definitely seem to say what I was thinking about (and the other verse didn't really say). That I need to follow Jesus words for Him to reveal himself (something I was thinking of giving up on). Now I wonder if I should continue with this guys course before deciding. And trying to figure out everything I need to do to follow Jesus completely (which might be very hard considering I seem to have OCD and can't decide on what is sin or not). Also I've noticed they where from the same page as the first verse ( I guess that doesn't really mater). I don't know if this cycle will continue forever if I just don't cut it off myself. Or what if something REALY spectacular happens but it's still was just a coincidence after looking for so long. And I spend the rest of my life a Christian because I saw a once in a lifetime random chance and couldn't leave the faith because of it. Does any of this sound significant?",1 "Its been a month, i rlly just want to die. But i dont want to die.. i have no appetite to eat nor do any activities. Idk what kind of Mental health problem am i having.",1 "Hi guys, I’ve been battling depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember and it’s just so exhausting. I don’t want to go to my parents and burden them with this because they are too good and would worry way too much. They don’t deserve that. My career is extremely demanding but honestly it’s the only thing keeping me going. Not sure what I’d do without it. I’ve lost all interest in any hobbies I’ve ever had in my entire life. Friends and family know something is off but it’s just been that way for so long. I hate to say it but I’m a complete shell of who I used to be. I love my friends and family so much so I’d never do anything to hurt them, but every single day is getting so much more difficult than the last. I’m not looking for any sympathy or anything but I’ve needed to get this off my chest for about 10 years or so. Thanks",2 I used to have a crush on one of my close guy friends (I’m in a relationship with my bf) and even tho I never acted on it my ocd is telling me I cheated. I spoke to him a lot but only plationically but my ocd won’t shut up,1 recently i've been realizing my counting compulsions get a bit worse whenever i think about my ocd. i keep getting freaked out that my constant mood swings mean i have a personality disorder because i've heard those are often comorbid with ocd. i used to think i had obsessions ab self harm but like it only is there like once a day and i worry about getting worse constantly. it would make sense because before the ocd started i had anxiety that my anxiety would get worse and become ocd and then it did (lol) so i can't tell if this is like me predicting it again or if that just fucked me up and now i'm obsessing over it.,1 "Hi everyone, I’m a mother to a bright and insightful 4 year old boy. I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD myself, and I have a strong feeling that my son may also have ADHD. This has also been observed by a child psychologist who has been seeing our son for the last 6 months or so. He appears to have most of the hallmarks of ADHD - always moving, ALWAYS talking, bouncing from one activity to the next, inattentiveness, sensory issues, etc. I know a lot of this behaviour is ‘normal’ for a child his age, but his behaviour is on another level compared to other children. Here is my concern… he goes through what I would call mood cycles. He can be quite cheerful and easy to deal with and his behaviours can be pretty manageable for a few weeks, to about a month at a time. Then one day, it’s like a switch is flicked and his behaviour becomes extremely challenging. I’m talking physical aggression, explosive tantrums, destroying things, near inability to focus on anything, compulsive behaviours, etc. He also seems to have increased anxiety during these periods and his stuttering increases. These phases can last a few weeks. My question is: is this something that happens with ADHD? Any ideas? Any advice? Thanks in advance 😊",0 "Every day I find it hard to fulfill my work and obligations, I keep thinking about killing myself and I even feel that I am already making progress in that aspect, I try to forget all that by playing video games or watching anime, but even that doesn't help me anymore. How do I know if I really have a problem or if I am the problem?",2 "Im aware that this sounds something like a shitty friend would way but please hear me out. My friend got diagnosed with depression few months ago, about when school started. It is also important to mention that we've been friends for a few years. Anyway I was struggling with depression myself for nearly two years. Everyday was like hell and my friend wasn't really there for me as I was expected him to. After I got out of massive depressive episode he got the diagnosis and I have always been there for him since. I share my food, my money even my personal stuff with him, anything that can help him, but he makes me feel like my help is just useless to him. Sometimes I wish he would return even a little bit of the stuff I do for him. He just ""takes"" from me. But when I consider doing it back at him he feels uncomfortable. Like the time he bought some potato chips and sat beside me to eat them as I was having a conversation with him ,I took a chip and I just knew by his face that he didn't like what I did so I didn't take any more. I feel so selfish just by thinking that just because I share my food with him he would do the same. Everyday with him is just the same. Im trying to be helpful, I do anything that takes to make him feel comfortable, I do all the talking because he doesnt even do that with me. Im so tired of starting the conversations and having to keep them going by myself, he would never have a descent conversation with me, he would just react to the things I say or respond with a single word. Just like when was telling him about something excited that happened to me and he didn't even bother to care about it. He is so emotionless all the times its so draining. I feel like he's bringing me down with him. It's just too much negativity. Im tired of his negativity. At this point he's just affecting my life too but I can't tell him that because he tried to commit the other week again. Im so tired of being worried if he's going to do it again, I feel like my help is never enough and i just feel more and more guilty, almost as if Im responsible for his happiness because im basically his only friend, if not the only one then one of them. He is getting proper care for his illness but I think Im not the kind of person that can help someone for too long. At this point I just put his needs first ahead of mine, I don't talk about my problems or anything negative with him so he wouldn't feel worse than he is. I just don't feel like he is being a friend to me, I feel like im his therapist. I don't know what to do anymore Im still struggling with mental health which makes it even harder for me. Im tired of all of this",2 "I just wish manufacturers would replace the chirp with something more subtle, if they haven't already. For me this's been a huge reason not to install them, even though it'll prevent me from getting compensated by my insurance in case of a fire.",3 "Hi all, I’m 37f and have begun to seriously consider the fact I may have developed ADD as an adult, although certain symptoms were definitely present as a kid as well. I don’t know who to talk to about this and if it’s worth seeing a specialist and going for diagnosis. I also have a diagnosed anxiety disorder that I take medication for and I don’t know if they’re possibly linked. Just feeling a bit uncertain as to whether I’m being a hyperchondriac or if there’s really something more going on that I’ve just come to realise about myself. Any advice as to where to go from here?",0 "Hey everyone. I hope you are doing well. I am making this post to beg for advice and understanding. I have really bad OCD and have been diagnosed with it for over ten years. I am heading to college soon and I'm excited but scared for how my OCD will effect me there. My parents are constantly telling me if I don't ""get rid of"" my OCD before college I'll never succeed or make friends. My parents always say they are open and understanding and don't get me wrong they could be worse but they are terrible with my OCD. I have tried to explain countless times, got therapists, had interventions with them and more trying to get them to understand. Instead, they say you only ever have OCD and panic attacks when you don't get your way like I'm five. It really really hurts. I cry myself to sleep some nights just wishing they would try to understand. That they wouldn't blame me being bratty for everything. I just want them to love and accept me for who I am. Please if any of you read this, I really need someone to talk to who has OCD and understands it's struggles. Please.",1 "Hi everyone! I was diagnosed recently as an adult but haven’t started meds yet. Last night I saw a post from my ex’s wife where they looked so in love and are buying a house bc she makes a LOT of money from her fancy corporate job, and they have all these friends and everyone loves them. Meanwhile I’m working part-time at a job that means nothing to me, living with my parents, wasting my talents bc I can’t focus on anything, and approaching 30. Of course looking at the post was a mistake. I’ve blocked her to give myself some space. Usually I can bounce back from comparison by remembering my own good qualities or accomplishments or progress or values. But the gap between our lives was so obvious in that moment, and I’m just in this spiral of self-hate and depression, feeling like I’ll never get out of this ADHD-induced mess of a life. I’m losing hope I’ll find my place in this world and hold down a job or be a good mature partner or good friend or good anything, let alone live a meaningful and positively impactful life. Really need some support or words of encouragement or even just empathy. I don’t know how much longer I can convince myself that I’m not a total waste of space who deserves to be unhappy. Thanks in advance. EDIT: and can meds even help that much? Enough to help me build a life I’m proud of? Or will I just need to rely on life’s consolation prizes to get by without wanting to die?",0 "I've had bad anxiety for years and am on antidepressants for it, but I havent actually identified myself as having depression for years. I've always thought it was mainly anxiety because I overthink and get the physical symptoms associated with anxiety...but I'm starting to wonder if I'm depressed too, but have never realised. I have these habits that I never properly acknowledged, does anyone recognise these as signs of depression? -whenever I feel happy or joyful these days (rare) I catch myself and remember that really my situation isn't good and I feel like I shouldn't be happy - I never wear makeup and find it genuinely difficult to make myself wash my face. I really have to force myself to look after my face or my hair, and my general appearance. - I sometimes buy new clothes when I feel like spending, but I rarely wear them because I don't feel good enough to wear new things, especially if they are colourful or patterned. When I feel down I can't bring myself to wear anything colourful or nice looking - it has to be dark comfortable clothing. - I get very lonely and keep remembering past heartbreak/sad moments and feel them really strongly, as if they've only just happened. - I see people in public or on TV who are happy or successful or just living life, and I wonder how they can possibly do it, how they can be so happy",2 "I have no real friends. Not saying I don't try, I put hella effort and time into trying to make friends. But everyone always leaves, uses me, or just straight up stops talking to me. I've been desperately trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong by asking people directly, and every time its something along the lines of ""I just don't have time/energy/will to talk and spend time with you."" So I assumed I was being overbearing, and started pulling back. Once I did, it got even worse. A lot of them started getting mad at me, and two people left completely without saying anything. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I've been used a lot because my dad makes good money, and I have been through a lot of therapy and learned from it. I'm always the one people come to with problems, I give detailed advice and offer extensive support and love and never leave anyone out/behind. But when I need help it's ""oof"" ""that sucks man"" ""sorry to hear that, I gotta go"" or they just leave me on read. I saw a few posts about adhd making it difficult to keep friends, so I was wondering if anyone has advice? I'm down to one ""friend"" and I can already see it coming that their leaving soon.",0 "Seriously? I’m tired of hearing my contamination OCD is fake because my main compulsion is washing my hands. That’s debilitating on a daily-basis and sometimes makes it impossible for me to even leave my bedroom. I get obsessions related to contamination on a daily-basis and it’s exhausting being unable to touch anything outside of my house because I’m terrified to catch any viral or bacterial disease and contaminating my loved ones. I get it’s a stereotype (and by the way, maybe it’s a stereotype because so many people suffer from this compulsion) but it’s not a reason to make it look like those suffering from hand-washing compulsions are faking it. My hands burn, hurt and bleed because of it. I’m tired of it",1 "when ive gone off antidepressants in the past cold turkey there were usually side effects, but wellbutrin is the only one in its class and not a typical antidepressant like ssri's. I read that there's no danger of withdrawal from it. Do you think it would be fine to just suddenly stop taking it?",2 "I'm a single parent of a teenage and I struggle badly with depression and anxiety. In past month my child has come to me about her own suicide thoughts, no plans to do but just thoughts. I have set her up therapy with the help of her school counselor that they recommend. I'm sit here though feeling like this is all my fault and I'm such a bad fucking mother getting triggered in to all my shit. How can I help her if I'm like this? Am I self if I try or even need help for myself to handle this situation?",2 "I finally managed to find a somewhat decent job with a time work firm and was one my first work assignment. Until Tuesday it seemed like I had magaged it halfway and then from one day to another it all blew up. I had this job since the 10th of November. I learned some new things this week but when I prepared the documents staples with the special paper for the scanner, I was later told I made some mistakes. But that was just mentioned as one of the fuck ups. I didn't feel good this Tuesday so I finished work earlier and went to one of the test centers in order to get the daily corvid test so that I can ride the bus and rest at home. If I wasn't better in the morning I would call in sick and then go to the doctor. As I was on the way home I got a call from the center that the test was positive and had to come back for a PCR test. They next morning I was so tired and weak, that I called in sick. I was reprimanded that I had only informed a colleague and that I should have informed her as the chef. I only had told my coworker that I would call in sick if I didn't feel better. Nice to see that chinese whisper still works so well. I feel asleep fast because of Corvid. I felt so weak and tired... Hours later as I woke up I realized that I had forgotten to tell her that I was tested positive. I called and told her. She was to put it mildly enraged. It seems I hadn't really readed the Corvid information packet and what I was to do to if tested positive to her. I had readed it but I had forgotten about parts of it.... Another fuck up. But as I was told not the reason that I was dismissed, not even because I was sick. Apparently my behavior towards my colleagues was not tolerable. I was wondering what exactly she meant. I didn't really talked that much to them. I told some anecdotes and jokes to seem sociable but other than that not really the talking type. She didn't tell me what situation exactly only that it wasn't tolerable. Then that I was dismissed. She also excused herself that she would now end the call because she was still enraged that I didn't informed her as soon as possible and that I had placed my coworkers in such danger. Yeah from one day to the next it all got up in flames. I wonder sometimes really if I'm cursed because every single time something like this happens. It seems like I get the hang of the job, then bumm. Little mistakes piled up and in the end I'm some kind of uncaring monster. When I don't really talk and just do my work: I'm labeled as arrogant, thinks herself to good to talk with us, etc. When I talk and interact with coworkers: She only talks shit, she's weird, why does she thinks she is funny? I really need to learn to not to talk so much to coworkers. This people aren't friends or even acquaintances. This are strangers that just share the same workplace. Anything told makes the round all trough. You tell something and it comes wrong out somewhere. I am just so tired of this sh*t...",0 "Hey all, I'm currently doing this intensive outpatient program for OCD and that involves doing a lot of exposure therapy. I have a history of trauma and dissociation. The thing I'm struggling with is that every time I attempt an exposure, my brain will just ""clock out"" (dissociate) and go numb. This isn't helping and I'm not sure how to combat it. Has anyone had anything like this happen to them? Any ideas of how I could remain in my body when I'm doing exposure therapy? Also any tips for ERP therapy in general would be so appreciated.",1 "I swear I feel like I'm watching a beam get bent in half and its on its way to splintering apart. It feels like a constant tension that builds throughout the day and the best relief for it would be for shit to start popping off again. For background, my issues stem from a ISIS inspired attack from a few years ago. That sense of quiet turned into immediate chaos is something I'll never forget and its driving me nuts. I feel like I'd almost be *rewarded* for all of the energy I sink into the constant vigilance by finding myself in a similar situation again - like all of this effort has me primed to perform and I'm chompingat the bit. The best explanation I can think of is that sinking all of that energy and brain power into the paranoia was worth because *this time* I'm ready for it. I will not be caught off guard again. It gets really old. Like, really old.",3 "I don't know why but even as a child I loved carrying small things, toys, objects with me. It was a comfort thing, but also meaningful, I'd ask my parents to give me something personal of theirs so I would miss them less while at school. I became very attached to it and of course, devastated when I'd loose it by forgetting it somewhere. One time a bully took my machine bearing, which my father had given to me. I could not stand loosing it, so fear aside, I went to him and punched him to get it back. I then ran through the whole school with him chasing me, until I found a teacher to protect me. That was a tangent story. Another example was a pair of glasses, with thick black frames. They were not prescription, I'd wear them because of how they looked. I felt safer behind them somehow. A wooden cane - a prop people use for walking. I would limp around the house with it, especially on a bad brain day. It helps to look the way you feel sometimes. Canes are a great accessory when going out on a date, paired with a flashy hat and if your date is wearing leopard print, it really got attention. Learning to properly twirl a cane takes some practice, and inevitably leads to breaking stuff or hitting yourself in the face. Of course, in my mind I was Dr. House, which is what inspired me in the first place. My current fidget toys are tobacco pipes. I don't smoke, but I love holding one in my hand and feeling its shape and texture. I have a little collection going. ​ What are your favourite small objects or accessories? How do you use them and where? Why do you think we do this?",0 "I guess I was 9 or younger when I was assaulted by my family member he thought I was asleep and so he touched me the places I did not like. It happened often and I just pretend to be asleep, wishing it would stop. Sometimes I used to kick or pinch him, but I never spoke a single word. This continued for about 7 years I guess with intervals. I started hating nights and I am still scared of the dark. I never let him hug me or even keep his hand on my shoulder because I felt extremely uncomfortable. I always feel extremely guilty that I have always lied about not having my first kiss because I have been kissed before(i have never told anyone about this before). It all comes back to me, especially at night. I have tried self-harm multiple times (pinching myself to bleed, punching the wall, etc.) But this isn’t even the worst part, the worst part is that I talked about all of this to my mother and she chooses not to do anything about it. She just asked me to “be normal’’ about it as she wants me to have a good relation with him. I did try therapy but I had to leave it mid-way because my mother asked me to. So that did not work out either. I have trouble getting intimate or even trust someone and I just do not know what to do about it. If anyone can suggest to me some way to cope with this it would be great. PS: this is my first post ever on Reddit so I really hope I haven’t mentioned anything off-limits.",3 "(tw, sexual abuse) When I was 15 my step dad told me he was in love with me. He was my best friend and we were really close, he had touched me a couple times when I was younger but as we got a lot closer in my teenage years he made a move on me and I didn’t resist. We had a sexual relationship until I was about 16. He was literally Charles Manson; had a jesus complex, preaching hippie shit and convinced me we were like Adam and Eve going to cleanse the world of its evils. He completely broke with reality and ran away when I was 16. It was really complicated. Everyone tells me it wasn’t my fault but I can’t help but take some responsibility. I mean I let it happen and even encouraged it sometimes, I didn’t realize just how wrong it is until recently.",3 "Do any of you also have the problem that you can not translate what you read into a report? I mean I read a article about healthcare (because I study nursing), I understand what they say in the article but I can not really translate it to the situation I am faced with. I need to make a care plan for someone and you need to have a lot of sources, but I feel like i cannot make it into language that i can put in my report. I hope this wasnt to rambling. Do any of you also have this problem and how do you deal with it? I have to say I always have trouble with reports, it just feels like it won't come out.",0 "I’ve had diagnosed major depression for going on 6 years, it majorly stems from my Mother not letting me pursue an education. She took me out of school in 8th grade when I was 13 because in her mind, if I never graduated highschool. My father would never stop paying child support (she claims thats what it said in the divorce decree, well guess what. He stopped paying child support my last birthday.) now I’m 18. She manipulated me into thinking this was okay and normal and that I could just catch up at some point. Well she never gave me the tools to catch up. She told me the other day its my fault for my lack of education. And my toxic sister agrees with her. It wasn’t my fault. I was a minor who was having severe mental health issues at the time. I had A’s and B’s whenever she took me out. I was a smart kid. She ruined me. I want to get my GED one day, but not soon. Its so triggering that I’m so stupid at my age to be completely honest. I didn’t even finish my 8th grade, I have no idea what would be on a GED test. If any of you have gotten your GED if you don’t mind please talk about your experiences in the comments below, it would help to see. I came here to look for advice, I want to change my life. I want to get over my mental illness and get a job, save up $5000-10000 and move out. I want to never look back. I want to never see my mother or sister again or ask for help in any way. But that seems so far away, its gonna take forever for me to save up and i understand that rationally. I just need advice on how to cope until then, because I’m having a really hard time, really dark thoughts. Bad intrusive ones. I’m the most depressed I’ve ever been and ontop of that I’m having major relationship problems with a guy I thought was my soul mate. So if you guys have any advice, or any self help books to recommend that actually helped you please let me know. I appreciate it. Thank you in advance.",2 "I get intrusive thoughts while masturbating, and like most people with OCD I have to constantly think about what I did to see if I'm a bad person. The only problem is that I get hard when thinking about masterbation, and that mixed with groin responses makes my life a living hell. It ends up being a vicious cycle where I'm constantly thinking about it.",1 "For anyone who is in the same situation as me do you wanna talk about it. I feel like the biggest issue and why people end up hurting themselves is cuz of constantly bottling up emotions I’m a 19 year old male from Canada who has had not the best thoughts and I was wondering if anyone in a similar sutuation wants to talk so we can help each other We can talk on another app instead of Reddit if you’d like",2 "So let me to start by saying that my childhood was AMAZING; minus the cancer that I had at the age of 8. But when I was 13 things took a turn for the worst; I was raped by my neighbor on the steps to my brothers bedroom in my attic. That started my downhill spiral. I have been diagnosised with PTSD from the rape and the cancer, depression, anxiety, PPD, etc. I started DBT a few weeks ago; my therapist told me she wasn't comfortable with putting me with the woman she was training; which the way I took it was I was pretty much too fucked up in the head for a newer therapist to take my case. I was dating a guy for six weeks; he found out that I still love my ex I will call him B just for the sake of this (not the father to my children), I'm not sure why I love this man; he is addict, and alcoholic, so I am not sure why I love him; besides the fact of I thought that I could be a save a ho and get him clean and sober. He told me for a year and a half that he didn't believe in marriage; it was just a piece of paper and he was never going to propose to me or get married to me. Well on Monday evening is when I found out my ex was engaged to this girl he has been seeing for the last year; which by the way I was still seeing my ex. Well the new guy which I'll call J, found out on Tuesday evening while he was at my house how I felt about B; I wasn't going to lie to J about B. As I don't want to be with B, yes I love him; but I don't want to be with him; why would I want to be with someone who can't keep his shit together! Well long story short J blew up on me all day yesterday; and told me that I was so unfixable, he also threw in my face about my parenting and that I suck as a parent due to an indicent that occured a year ago. ​ But seriously; am I that unfixable because my therapist doesn't feel comfortable giving me to a newer therapist?",3 "I've never been diagnosed but I definitely have high functioning autism. It's affected my whole life and I've always had sever anxiety. I've never had proper friends, only people I forced myself to socialise with because i knew them through school or from when I was young. Today, I only have 1 friend and I'm not that close to them. I have a couple of acquaintances that I know through work. I've had depression for years and really struggle. I've had no life experiences and I'm in my late 20s, I've got no career and still live with my parents. And I've never even missed someone My depression and anxiety is because of me not feeling comfortable about opening up to people. I act weird and use humour to deflect questions about my personal life which makes me seem weird. I'm on Tinder but I've never talked to anyone cos I'm too anxious about what to talk about. I have no hobbies or interests and never have cos my anxiety has always got in the way. Has anyone else felt like this?",3 Recently got on probation for private reasons and I'm quite young but have ADHD and many other disorders. I self medicated with illicit substances for my age and now I can't use them. I'm on Wellbutrin and clonidine but Wellbutrin gives me flashbacks because I have PTSD. My dreams every night consist of rehab and drug using. My room is a mess and I have no motivation to go outside or do schoolwork. Any other med recommendations you guys have for me? Anything is appreciated,0 "I can interpret the simplest sentence any number of ways. I also read between the lines. I also try mind reading & take everything personally. Or just take things literally & don't realise it's a joke. It's such a frustrating difficulty, especially knowing how NTs just naturally understand things & have an ease of typing & talking in general. So often I struggle with my words as if English wasn't my first language. Trying to put in as many words as possible to hopefully be better understood. Sometimes just scratching my head not knowing how to communicate what I want. As if it's too complicated to explain to another person. Lol. Which is so preposterous. This thing which I don't even know the name of, is the real social difficulty for me. Because Lord knows even in person I struggle. Often I don't know what people mean. I wish it weren't a meme in Australia to say ""please explain"". I have crippling selective mutism at times. I'm so scared of sounding dumb, getting laughed at, seeming rude, or accidentally offending. I'm struggling to get over it, but haven't a clue how other than to ramp up my exposure. But it's so stressful & I've got bipolar as well. A meltdown can end up in hypomania. I hate how logically understanding a thing doesn't necessarily fix it. Especially when it's phobic related. Like I understand a spider can't hurt me, but they still freak me out. I know nothing bad will happen if I speak, but my body tenses up like it's fight or flight time.",3 "I've been struggling with depression for a long time now and I just wanted to ask a few questions. Firstly, how do you deal with the voice inside screaming for help/release? How do you get past the point of knowing what you should do, and just doing it? What can I do to stop continuing my cycle of self-doubt? I've been to therapy, but after two years, I never improved.",2 "I've been doing my best to lose weight, and after a long time it dipped below 98kilos, and I was happy. Happy enough to a point where I didn't eat anything the whole day and kept working out. My dad brought me a sandwich and I ate it only to see myself gain half a kilo it honestly broke me. Ik weight increases and decreases and I'm used to it, it isn't my first rodeo, but something in me broke today, maybe the fact that I wake up everyday at 2.30 am to go for a run, or the fact that I have had dinner two times over the last 3 months and have restricted myself to the bare minimum for so long without having any kind of results just destroyed me. I tried to puke whatever I ate, but nothing came. I tried to take a leak, but nothing came, and I just cried, well tried to, haven't been able to cry in atleast 12 months now. And now all I want to do is, take some pills, write a letter to my parents apologizing and walk deep into the woods around my house and never be found. To die as I lived, unseen and unheard. :/",2 "I have been diagnosed with Asperger's but when i was 17. Witch mean that i have always had it. But when i remember my childhood i fit in really well, like i would play with the outer children they would call me to play after school and on the weekends etc. But as i grew older i wanted to be with with my friends less often and they wanted to be with me less often. When i reached high school i had no friends. Sometimes i would chat with my classmates and sometimes i would do stuff but i was very lonely. Things have gotten a little better as i have entered uni but it is still hard to maintain friends. Have you experienced this? Or is it uncommon and most people with Asperger's have always had the symptoms?",3 It's really frustrating to struggle with things that are supposed to be easy,2 "TW// Mention of Sexual Assault/Rape It’s long so I Apologize. In 5th grade, this boy (I'll call him G) transferred to my school from another local school just a few miles away from my town. Instantly we became the best of friends, and I slowly grew to developing a crush on him. One time after school I rode my scooter around town (something at that time I liked to do while listening to music) and ran into G. We greeted each other, said a few lines of conversation before we went to the back of our school to sit on the bleachers and hang out. We talked about many things: Our families, schoolwork, teachers we liked or didn't like, etc... And then one brief topic came up: who we had crushes on. Obviously I didn't tell him that I liked him. I asked him who he liked and he said he had a crush on this girl, but for some reason he wouldn't tell me. I asked if she goes to this school and he said yes but he's too embarrassed to talk about it, so I didn't bug him further about it and we talked about other things for a bit, before both of us said goodbye and went home. When I got home, I thought about our conversation. of course I was so stupid and delusional and one of the things that popped in my head was ""what if the girl he was talking about is me?"" I was so convinced in my hope that he liked me back. A few days later, it was recess. Me, G, and other kids were sitting at a table near the playground. We were playing a bunch of games: Arm wrestle, truth or dare.... Me and G were playing a game of Arm Wrestle. Whenever us kids at my school played arm wrestling, the kids would determine ""rewards"" for the person who won the arm wrestle. (which was kind of crap, I never heard of any of the kids getting these rewards.) Me and G started arm wrestling, I won and he asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted to kiss him. He laughed and said ""what? no!"" I thought this was him being shy (I believed he actually wanted it to happen, so to me this was my way of telling him I liked him back, again delusional and stupid) So I did something really shameful and stupid: I leaned forward to try to kiss him on the top of his forehead. My lips ""brushed"" and didn't do a full kiss because he yanked his head back surprised and started laughing (the kids started laughing too.) I was embarrassed and confused. That was when the teacher blew the whistle for us to go back inside and recess was over. I avoided him for a whole week. I can't remember if I apologized to him or not (If not I definitely should have), but we went back to hanging out and talking the next week and continued to be best friends. Always sat and talked at the lunch table and went to homecoming together as friends our freshman year, went ice skating, etc. I fell in love with him. In November 2019 I found out through an Instagram post he posted that he got engaged to someone else. I cried but left a comment congratulating him. Then summer 2020 I get an invitation to his wedding (masks required and social distancing). I Sent him a wedding gift but didn't attend the wedding because It would be painful. He said he understood and no hard feelings. Another bestfriend of mine I made throughout high school (we don't talk much anymore, though sometimes) posted on Facebook a few months ago a coming out story about how she was raped at her university by two guys at once. I was shocked and my heart broke for her. Someone who made me laugh, built up my confidence, had something horrible happen to her. I reached out to give her my best support because she didn't deserve it and nobody does. Looking back on it I just feel so much shame and disgust because I basically almost sexually assaulted him without realizing it back then, I know he was embarrassed, and it was such an out of character thing for me to do because I never did anything like that before. He was and is such a wonderful friend, I'm very lucky to have him in my life. That moment taught me that I can't just assume things, shouldn't just do things because I assumed and I should ask for consent. I think maybe sometimes I'm overthinking it but Rape and Sexual Assault are just so life and mind-destroying and terrifying that the memory comes back to haunt me. Sorry for rambling. I want to talk to him about it and apologize for it but idk if he remembers it or not and if he didn’t it would be awkward. Is what I did unforgivable? I’m pretty sure it is and it’s been driving me crazy.",1 "ocd is really messing with my stuyding, at times its intrusive thoughts which mess things up, or the fear of intrusive thoughts messing up my studying. its really hard to get any work done. the upcoming years are pretty crucial and i cant afford for things to go on like this. Can anyone help me with this and give me advice on how to cope while studying",1 "I've developed such a deep-rooted self hatred from the way i've been treated over the years. I hate it so much, i wish i wasn't so fucking weak. I wish i was able to just fix myself and stop feeling bad. Everywhere I go, i feel isolated. I feel out of place everywhere, like I just take up space. I can feel how much everyone around me wants me to leave the second i arrive somewhere, because i just take up so much fucking room and I'm so awkward. I want to just stay in my home and let the world fully forget about me, so they won't have to pretend anymore. I'm so isolated from everyone and i can't decide if I want to end my life and let everyone move on, or if i want to be accepted. I hate how weak I am. I hate how much of a burden I am. I can't reach out, or let anyone know just how bad it is. No one wants to deal with a suicidal person, and besides, i already have so little impact in their lives that they'd just cut ties with me completely the second i stop being worth the trouble. I am out of place everywhere. I want to feel loved, and not just be everyone's last resort. it hurts.",2 "I have hyper vigilance and I can only sleep alone. Lately I've had to deal with guys who get hurt feelings when I don't want to sleep over, don't invite them over my apartment or want to become a part of their life early on, and it makes them think I just want something casual. When a guy doesn't go at my pace I start to resent him and disparage him in my head and sometimes out loud, by accident. I try to explain how I feel to them in a simple way but I'm always scared of over sharing and they just brush me off. They're not really interested in hearing about some random girl's issues. Guys ask for Instagram and social media which I don't have and they don't know how to respond when I can't give them my profile. Sometimes a guy from online dating tries to invite me to a party when we barely even met, and I'm so suspicious of people who invite me to parties or to meet their friends. Then when one tiny argument comes up, those same people are willing to throw me out like garbage and never speak to me again. How can they have the audacity to invite me into their life and pretend like they wanted me? I wanted to be open to letting people in again but every time I try it takes too long for them and they become tired of me, I start to resent them for being all the same and I can feel their annoyance with me. It's exhausting trying to be happy around somebody all the time. No one wants to be around a miserable person but I'm not happy when I feel pressured at all. How did you find someone who respects you and your boundaries who you can feel safe around?",3 "I’ve been thinking lately about rearranging the furniture in my room, and specifically my bed. I felt like I wanted a change of space. Plus i remembered that the last time I did it, it felt really good and refreshing. But now that I did it, I have a really bad feeling and even cried for a bit. It feels like I made a mistake and that I shouldn’t have done it, and I know it probably sounds ridiculous cuz it’s literally just furniture, but over the past year i’ve been stuck at home and built myself a daily routine to the point where I feel extreme stress and anxiety if I don’t follow it, and my room feels like an integral part of that routine. Everything feels out of place and I feel really lost and even physically sick. I feel like I was so comfortable in my room before, and now it doesn’t even feel like my room so my whole routine will fall apart. I know that I will probably eventually get used to it but I don’t know how to get rid of these heavy feelings. Kinda feels like I’m attached to how my room was before, and have a lot of memories attached to it. I’m scared that this new arrangement will change my routine and even my life. I love change but also incredibly scared of it. Am I making sense or do I just sound crazy? EDIT: forgot to mention that I am not diagnosed with OCD. I am terrified of getting diagnosed and being told that my problems are real and have a name.",1 "Help, how do I deal with nightmares? They’re so disturbing. Severely disturbing. It’s messing me up and I can’t sleep. I’m shaking uncontrollably. And do they ever go away",3 "I don't want to be a terrible person, but most people in my life have left because of how much I over analyze. It's past me just taking apart every detail of myself until I barely feel like a person anymore. During a terrible time in my life, during my development, I had to try to save my parents marriage. It was kinda forced on me and I became there therapist. This trauma has made it impossible for me to not try to solve every problem I experience. My roommate, a very submissive person and my best friend of four years, has his own traumas and problems. He's not very intelligent in certain areas and doesn't have a lot of common since, on top of this, he's a bit of a liar and uses lying as a defence mechanism. Both, lack of intelligence and lying, are huge triggers for me and so a lot of the time, we get into long conversations about these issues and many more, tearing them apart to their bare essentials as a means of trying to solve the issue, but I do this with every single thing. I have to solve any problem I am out against, I cannot agree to disagree, I have no since of boundaries, I can be arrogant and too emphatic with my opinions and this becomes worse because sometimes I do know what I'm talking about which just makes me more confident. The problem is, it's not my place. But I can't stop over analyzing every little thing and finding problems in those things, which I then have to solve that problem which I then have to over analyze that solution which starts the cycle over again. I can see I'm helping in certain elements. Through our conversations, he has found a lerger since of confidence and is happier with himself, but he's also a lot more anxious and even angry at times because of the amount of pressure I put on him. I am a very strong willed person, and he is not. I am doing damage, but I can't stop thinking or over analyzing or thinking or over analyzing or.. FUCK! I THINK SO FUCKING FAST! I've come to the conclusion that this is what has destroyed most of my relationships. I put too much pressure and must have everything work the way I'd like it too, and it's too much. If the world doesn't work the way I think it should, I lose my fucking mind... I know I need a therapist... I can't afford one... I just don't want to be like this Can anyone help? Please? I want to be a better person. I want to stop tearing the world around me apart and instead, just live in it. I can't stop fucking thinking. I'm drowning in my own thoughts. And it's not just hurting me.",0 "My religious sister believes in purity culture and, because of that, she thinks if you are attracted to someone and you have lustful thoughts about them, you already committed adultery. She would never have doubts about her beliefs because she says God speaks to her. I'm younger than her, I have never dated anyone yet but I know for a fact that I'm going to be compromising my relationship with her if I decide to date someone (I'm not into casual sex) and have sex with them before marriage, even though I don't believe in God. Problem is she has had for the first time ""lustful thoughts"" about someone and now she can't forgive herself for it. It's crazy that she's condamning herself for being a human being and having natural instincts. But she doesn't wanna listen to any different and I'm scared she's going to sink into depression, because she's asking herself something that it's unnatural to do, suppressing her instincts. She says God has forgiven her but she can't forgive herself because she can't stop these thoughts and she knew she was committing a sin and she di it anyway. She cries herself to sleep and won't seek help. How do I accept that a person so important to me has decided to damage themselves like this without being able to help her because she's so convinced?",2 "im 16m and have been dealing with POCD for the past few days. im not diagnosed with OCD, but looking into im very sure i have it and have dealt with it in the past. i feel like i cant tell anyone because if i do theyll think im a pedophile. i really need help but im not sure what to do.",1 So growing up my mom was mentally abusive. I was diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety. I struggle with anxiety everyday but the PTSd has gotten better. But lately I keep hearing her voice and I'm reliving moments and I can't shake it. I just keep hearing her voice and can't get it to leave. I don't know what it means.,3 "Hey guys, i've known someone for over 15 years, met her when she was 16. Haven't been able to talk to her or see her for 4-5 years since I moved to a different country for my job. Recently came back to my hometown. Last week, she just turned 31. I decided to contact her via facebook since it was the only option. And oh boy did I not expect what happened to her. Long story short, she hit rock bottom. She suffered from depression last few years and massive anxiety attacks (to a point she can't even leave her house). I talked to her and since we were good friends back then, she kinda opened herself a bit to me. She didn't work for the last few years because she is afraid to go outside. She can't even do simple tasks like washing the dishes or just take care of herself (hygiene and stuff). Honestly, she looks like crap. But since I am (or I was) a good friend of her, I cannot let her down no matter what! So I am here because I kinda have no clue what to do. Never felt like that in my life. I went to visit her last Wednesday and her house was a mess. She clearly didn't clean anything in weeks (or even months). Also since she doesn't have a job, she receive money from the government, but barely enough to pay for her rent. She told me she only eat every 2-3 days because she cannot afford it, and I bet what she eats is absolutely not healthy. Do you guys know if it would be a good idea to just go to the grocery store and just buy her some food? (I am in a situation when money does not really matter to me right now, I have enough to share if I can say it like this). Should I ask her if she need me to do it or should I just do it? I am afraid she will think she owe me something and feel even worst than she is currently. Last Wednesday I managed to clean her kitchen a little bit, not much but it sure helped a bit. Should I come and visit her and do more stuff like that? I understand that doing everything for her is probably not gonna help her, or maybe will it help? I feel bad like I said that she will think she owe me something. We are not 'close' in anyway. I mean like not in a romantic or sexual way. Just friends. Also, her mom who's probably her only family doesn't really care much. It's sad to see, but honestly, she got no one to share her pain with other than a few friends like me that didn't just tried to get away from her. Anyway, anyone have any ideas? I always had a healthy life, never had to deal with this situation and I found out I am clueless. She tried to get help from some people, but since they charge you for consultations she stopped. She said it was not doing anything etc. Thanks! Tom :)",2 "I want to make a visual reminder that a past relationship is not the same as my present relationship. They are 10 years apart and not in same apartment. I’m an artist and a writer and can probably make something neat, but I don’t know what. Any ideas? Thanks!",3 "There was a young guy with a persistent pain in his head like mine that felt like fire (like my head was locked in pissed off mode) tension headache like pain and so the guy was very logical and extremely fit but lacked the capability to cope with the pain or find good help so he took his own life and before my surgery I had this thought that he was me and if I didn’t get relief from my headache I’d take my own life like he did but I fought hard, I stayed in the fight but hearing his story triggered the sh*t out of me, now I’m thinking what could have happened to him? What could have been done, if I had this issue four years ago I could’ve saved him, I have horrible survivors guilt about this, I wish I could speak to him. In all honestly I think the drugs they were giving him messed up his mind, they were messing with my mind in the three months I was taking them and making me more suicidal which is odd because you’d think “antidepressant” and think it makes you happy but those suckers do something opposite to some of us and make us incredibly mentally incapable of having a rational thought, they’re all like being on alcohol to some of us, they just make it so you don’t learn how to cope for some of us with horrible health issues that need to learn that skill. It is in my opinion and my own anecdotal experience we shouldn’t be giving people these medications with extreme physical health issues. The sad part about me is that my allergic reaction to a medication caused my issues and there’s no compensation for the damages, there’s just acceptance but it terrifies me to know psych medications can hurt people and help people, it’s a blessing and curse or like a double edged sword idk lastly I don’t want to trigger anyone or make someone believe they will get a never ending headache like I got, mine was caused by an injection of an antipsychotic ( no one gets this drug, it’s barely on the market) on my first visit to see a psychiatrist, my father and I paid in cash to see him but we didn’t know he was a sketchy quack and for that reason, I got thrown into the ringer, fighting for my life for an entire year, a lot of you have good doctors and are in good hands, I’m just a victim of bad circumstances, this is life and life can be bitch but what gives me the will to live is others who may experience what I had and to give hope to others that recovery is possible through my horror story because surgery did save my life but unfortunately I haven’t learned how to cope with what I went through entirely I still have a lot to learn on this road to recovery and people who have had psych drug induced ptsd should not be discarded in society, we need to be listening to everyone’s trauma that being sexual abuse and war or whatever, it is all relevant",3 "I'm looking for something pretty comprehensive, not just the ""10 easy tricks to manage your adhd"" type of thing. I'm reading The Body Keeps the Score right now and I really like that it's written both anecdotal as well as scientific, I have a basic understanding of neurobiology and I find it to be a helpful way to understand my brain. I'm looking for something that is both comprehensive as well as helpful, I find it really interesting (and helpful) even just learning about ADHD itself.",0 "I've always been depressed and had suicidal thoughts. I don't want to die, but suicide is something I've thought about at least once a day for the past five years. I lost 5 years of my life. I can't get all this time lost back. I feel left behind. This kills me. This month I met an amazing girl. She's the most amazing person I've ever met. I don't know why I keep talking with her. Talking with her causes me a lot of anxiety. She's the only person I've met that has everything in common with me. Sometimes it's weird how compatible we are. I know I'm a fuck up, and she comes from a rich family and is a veterinarian. I know she's out of my league, and when we eventually stop talking, because I don't make any moves, I'll be devastated. I can't sleep. I can't read. I can't play video games. I can't do anything. I'm always nauseous and my heart is always racing. I don't know what to do. If I go to therapy my parents will kick me out. And being homeless I'll definitely kill myself. I'm in a sinking boat. I don't even know what I'm writing. So sorry if this makes 0 sense",2 "Hi guys. Lately I’ve been going through depressive spurts. I do go to a therapist. Right now my depression is so random, it comes and goes so widely. Yesterday I was fine, today I feel super depressed and I can’t pin point what it is. My significant other is super supportive but when I feel depressed I feel nothing for them and don’t even feel LOVE for them and it freaks me out. Is this a normal feeling? Sometimes I look at them and think, ewwwww. Like I’m so irritable and annoyed with them and want to be away from them. I almost want to break up with them. Please tell me this is normal because I feel horrible but I don’t know how to stop it.",2 "I’m just curious about when I can have food or drink with it, how much is too much, do I avoid it?? Lol. Like this morning, about an hour after I took my adderall I had a banana. Is that ok?? Lol. I need to know what’s ok and what’s not 😬 it’s not been made clear and I can’t find clear answers on the net. Thanks!!",0 "*Background*: I (22F) am currently a student who also works full-time (although I still have at least 2 years to go, so I don't have a 'real' job). I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago. My mom also definitely has ADHD--almost every symptom I have, she also shares. My dad is better, and I don't know if he has ADHD, but he at least has a lot of bad habits (he is retired, but recently entered the workforce again, because of financial issues). My mom is the real hotbed of executive dysfunction/anxiety issues. **The biggest issues are that nothing gets done**: they're constantly stressed over money; the house is constantly messy/filthy due to never cleaning anything. For me, the constant mess is the biggest source of spiraling. (Ex: can never find anything; mold in the bathroom; bed bugs on several occasions; carpet smells of urine from mother forgetting to take the dog out). I do what I can to help, but I'm busy. I can't be responsible for the entire house, or their bills, or their lives, particularly when those are things that I'm *terrible about managing myself* (because ADHD, whoops). I'm terrible with my own money. I'm terrible at getting schoolwork done. I procrastinate things until I physically can't anymore. I am messy, although not quite to the extreme. I struggle to get things done every day. Every time I try to improve, or find new coping mechanisms, it feels so much harder because I have my entire environment working against me. Medication and therapy can only do so much. **It is so hard to form better habits when I'm constantly surrounded by bad ones**. I feel like my mental health is ~~slowly~~ rapidly deteriorating by being here. It feels like every evening shift, I come home to a new piss puddle from the dog, or an argument they are having about a bill that someone forgot to pay--just constant, casual things like that, that chip away at me and result in breakdowns. Moving out is top priority for me, and I'm learning to budget, although unexpected expenses and debt keep holding me back. I won't be able to for at least several months, which feels very hard when every day here is like +40 psychic damage. Always being out minimizes my time here, but it can be so exhausting to not have a '*home*' and makes me feel like a burden if I'm over with a friend. I never feel like I can truly relax. The shame is unreal. It also spirals me into depressive episodes, and these episodes often trigger everything else in my life falling to pieces. Also impulse spending (which isn't great for the moving out fund, lol!) I feel like I see a lot of posts about how people's parents find their ADHD struggles completely unrelatable, which is a horrible feeling in its own right. But I don't see as many posts from *people who have parents that also have ADHD and/or the same frustrating habits, to the point where it feels suffocating.* Somehow this got a little long, sorry. **TL;DR: My dysfunctional parents are not good for my mental health and make forming better habits for myself very, very hard. I hate being constantly surrounded by mess and stress. I'm really looking for other people with similar experiences that can empathize, and any advice on coping while I'm here would be wonderful, too.**",0 Does anyone often feel misunderstood or that you truly can't connect with people even when part of you is having a good time? Like your socializing abilities maxes out at a certain point with others,1 "How do you know if your feelings are valid? I’ve never been officially diagnosed with PTSD due to COVID-19 making it difficult to go to therapy. I just keep thinking about all of my experiences over and over again and feeling like I’m overreacting. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I wish it were worse so that I would have a right to feel the way I do and wouldn’t have to feel so guilty. My friend recently talked me into trying to quit SH and recover from my ED (both of which were in a way related to previous trauma) and the longer I go without them the more I feel like I’m faking everything. They made my emotions feel valid and heard.",3 "Disclaimer that I'm a bit of a brain mess right now and I'm trying my best to keep a straight face while I'm at work I've (24f) been really struggling with my job and I feel caught between a rock and a hard place right now. I've been working as a customer service agent since August and while I don't mind the nature of the job itself, the demand on my exec functions and the way the systems are set up has been a nightmare to deal with. There's a lot of steps to follow and a lot of numbers to work with, long hours, tasks to follow up on, docs to sign and email and double check for each customer, and keeping track of all the money that comes in and goes out at the end of the day is a source of anxiety at the end of a work day. The worst thing about all this is that, it is ridiculously easy to make mistakes. And when mistakes are made, the agent who caused it has to pay for it. The pay i make every two weeks is already barely able to stretch to pay for bills and essentials, and I'm the only person in my family working (I have an older brother (27) with ASD and a mother (61) with some health issues, dads (63) in another country and out of a job too). Some mistakes have cost so much that it's wiped out a good 3rd of my pay at times, and it feels like I'm losing way more than I'm getting. Keeping track of everything, lack of easy access to certain essential work tools, hundreds of customers and their individual docs, issues and the likes, numbers, I'm overwhelmed and keep making mistakes despite my very best efforts. I try to keep the most detailed record of everything I do every day, even time stamping each round of customers, but despite that mistakes keep happening. I don't live in a country with much if any support for my condition, and my family couldn't give any less of a damn about my struggle with this. My memory feels like it's rapidly declining too which worries me. But ultimately I'm torn. As the current sole breadwinner (or crunbwinner lol), should I hang in there? Or leave? I'm looking for another job at the moment and might try to just hold on until the end of the year, but I still don't know what to think. Head foggy, lowkey sad :') So I'm turning to Reddit for some advice, what do you think is the best thing to do?",0 "Crosspost in r/depressed ​ **Introduction** Hi everyone! This is the first time I've published anything on my ongoing two to three years of depression in public. Recently, however, I've felt better due to medication and therapy and genuine attempt to improve my mental health and quality of life. Due to these positive changes, I now feel I would be able concentrate enough on content to further help me to improve my mental health and quality of life. I have listed some main trigger points below that seem to by main issues I'm dealing with. I would really appreciate it, if someone could suggest me recommended reading material based on the trigger list of issues. I'm aware there's a huge list of collected resource material in this subreddit, but I feel it would be much easier for me if I could be suggested a shorter list of books/media based on my own personal problems instead of depression in general. Any help is hugely appreciated. Thank you everyone! ​ **Trigger list** maladaptive perfectionism dealing with fear of failure or mistakes, shame, self critisism, self dialogue (critisim, procrastination suggestions / resisting temptations), inability to showing weakness self value based on successes / failures, self confidence inflexibility. listening for nrg + no need to plan: spontaneity, excessive planning or structure or optimizing, how to have fun / options for free time. living or existing? accomplishing or living life. all or nothing attitude what is a break / how to take a proper break. procrastination, initiative, mental fatigue, relationship to responsibilities adhd, add, dopamine, multitasking, focus. social anxiety, ability to say no, prioritizing oneself (nrg), showing weakness, shame, avoiding conflicts, insecurity, disagreeing respectfully, friendship is a project, can't fail, others are more important than me, fear of rejection dermatillomania. find your values and live by them. general wellbeing advice for depressed",2 " I (22F) have long suspected that I might be on the spectrum because I have a lot of the traits listed on diagnosis checklists (DSM-5, wikipedia, CDC, various websites) and have been recently pursuing a diagnosis because COVID has made some of those traits much more obvious and harder to work with. By this, I mean that I have always strongly needed structure and transitions/switching tasks makes me so anxious that without external cues or societal rules, which I no longer have because of the pandemic, I basically only do tasks that make me more anxious than switching tasks does, like schoolwork or doing the dishes once they get really bad. The problem is, I am apparently very good at masking my social awkwardness because both my psychiatrist and my therapist say that ""there's no way your autistic"" because my ""social skills are too good"", I'm ""too"" empathetic and outgoing, and I'm ""too well-adjusted"". This sounds like a load of b.s. to me because I have always had a hard time getting along with people. I had a hard time fitting in and making friends as a kid and got bullied and picked on for being socially awkward and a smart, outspoken girl. I didn't have many friends until high school, partially because, by that point, I had explicitly learned a lot of the social skills I now know from my mom (she's a teacher for kids with learning differences) and even still, I often subconsciously have to keep these ""rules"" in mind when interacting with people I don't know super well. Though appropriate social interaction is much, much more natural for me that it used to be and I don't often need to remind myself of the ""rules"", I still can get pretty worn out from social interaction from the amount of subconscious work my brain has to do to seem like an NT. As a result, even though I'm a mega extrovert, I get social anxiety and exhaustion after interacting with new people for a long time. I also have sensory hypersensitivities, get really obsessive about things that interest me (especially as a kid) and have always had a hard time regulating my emotions. I feel like I've always really related to people with ASD and share a lot of common experiences and ways of thinking and understanding the world. So anybody have any ideas about how to get a diagnosis given my mental health care providers' attitudes? I feel like I'm crazy because it seems so obvious to me that I'm on the spectrum but, from what they're saying, it sounds like I'm making it all up.",3 "As this is my first post, I guess I should give a little intro. I'm 39, and recently diagnosed. I learned more about the range of presentations of ADHD through my work, and was a bit like ""um, this sounds familiar"", following which I went through the process of getting a diagnosis through the UK National Health Service (NHS), a not too burdensome process but with a long period of waiting with nothing happening (precisely how long depending on where you are). I'm smart, and was smart as a kid, and my behaviour wasn't very disruptive (and the disruption I did cause was tolerated more than it might have been because I was highly able academically), but in hindsight I struggled a lot. I'm not medicated, because I also have narcolepsy and my narcolepsy meds (modafinil, main proprietary name Provigil) *might* be doing something for the ADHD, although clearly not enough, but most ADHD meds conflict with either the narcolepsy itself, or the narcolepsy meds. I also have bipolar 2 disorder, an exacerbation of which has led me to be having some moderately intensive support from local mental health services. My CPN (community psychiatric nurse, a type of mental health nurse common in the UK), who is acting as my care coordinator, has been working on helping me in a very functional way, not focused on diagnosis; that's for the focused therapy I'll be getting later. One of the things she's been trying to get me to do is plan days. I've always railed at this, barring planning which is functionally necessary; my wife and I both have physical limitations as well, so trips out generally need to be planned, for instance, and preparing for work meetings has to be done at certain times (though I've always had the habit of crashing deadlines). Otherwise, I've always preferred seat-of-the-pants management of life. But I've gone along with it; my wife would prefer more order, and I'll try something before writing it off. I've also not had the psychosocial intervention planned for the ADHD yet, so for all I know this might be something they might suggest. The sample schedule template we were given was very prescriptive, more specific times, which might be good for non-ADHD people, but makes me very uncomfortable; it makes it easier to fail. The suggestion was also writing it out in pen on a template, which not only wastes paper, but again makes it impossible to change without the change staring at you, telling you that you failed. I know, I know, it's not really failure, but it will feel that way. So, what I've done - with help from my wife - is a schedule with five 'slots' for tasks, one before lunch, one after the evening meal, and three in between. Sometimes a task takes up more than one slot, sometimes a slot has several tasks in, either because they are short or can be done at the same time (something to do while vegetables are in the oven, roasting, with which to later make soup). I use little Post-It notes to put tasks in, so can easily move them around (and never need to print another template). We plan to make a bigger version on a metal-backed dry-wipe board with dry-wipe magnets instead of Post-Its, but that's for later. I'm finding it *really* helpful. I'm getting more done, being more organised, and I don't have to get stressed because if I need to move something (because I fail to do it for normal reasons, or have a migraine, or whatever), I can just move it. So, I guess I'm sharing this partly to go ""yay, this is helping"", and partly to see what other people think of the use of schedules and planning, how it works for them and what they need to do that might be different from what most, non-ADHD people would do. Have you tried this? Have ADHD-specialist professionals suggested it? How has it worked for you?",0 I was masturbating yesterday trying to keep the thoughts of my family members out of my head I thought that I did it to one of them I was able to brush it off last night but today in the shower at the thought popped in that I did do that and then on the other hand I feel like I didn't and that I'm overreacting now I don't know what to believe if I am possibly did it or if it never even happened in the first place please if someone can give me advice I feel like my chest is caving in,1 "(Rambling, venting post seeking advice) [M/28] I feel so sad, unworthy, and unable to ever measure up these days. I miss the past. I miss when I was really good at things and felt pretty happy. I hate the way the world is these days. Things were so much better when I was a child and even just a few years ago. It feels like everything is bad and nothing is the same. I feel like I have to work twice as hard just to still fail. I try so hard to do so much and I just never feel good enough or am looked at as good enough. I want to succeed and in a lot of ways maybe I have but I still feel irrelevant and like life is passing me by. I don’t know where I went wrong or how to fix myself. It feels like I never will no matter how hard I try. I just feel broken deep inside. I just want to get out of this mess, out of my head, and really live a successful life. I don’t feel like I can ever achieve any real happiness beyond superficial, very temporary moments, no matter how hard I try. I am struggling. I am lost.",2 "It just seems like a waste of energy :p Gender expression is awesome and I want everyone to do whatever they want. My issue is with having to have a fixed gender identity. I’m sure some people are pretty rigid, but not everyone is, so why is it a social requirement? Probably because of language development, but like...we can just decide to restructure language to accommodate for it. Is it just another social norm? Am I missing the bigger picture? Maybe",3 "Lately, I've felt like I'm being more impulsive with... everything, especially money. I've been spending as if there is no tomorrow, buying shit I don't need, I've been either eating a lot or eating barely enough, I've had to held myself back from saying that I am definitely killing myself someday, I am... turning into a weird person ? Idk if it is because I know how I'm going to try kms, if it is because I can't think about the future (since I don't really want to live even a week more), but it feels like sometimes I'm crossing a line, behavior wise. I feel like I'm crossing my own limits and idk what to do",2 "Hi everyone, I would like your input. I don’t have Tourette’s and no one in my family has Tourette’s (that I know of). When I get stressed, or am around someone with tics, I “tic” too. Is this just a mirroring thing? I really have no clue bc it will happen as I said when I’m stressed. I do the super common thing of repeating things because when I find the right sentence or word my brain goes “shhhh”. The repeating things has always been noticeable since I was little, but the “ticcing” didn’t start until I was a late teenager. Is anyone else like this?? The “tics” I most commonly do in those scenarios described above are flaring my nostrils, cracking or trying to crack my fingers, whistling, blurting out an obscure vine reference, and shivering. But also the vibe reference thing is a stim and happens all the time lol. Thanks in advance :))",0 "So addictive behavior is a huge part of my overall struggle. I recently learned I have OCPD which can explain why I have grippingly obsessive thoughts about pornography and sexuality. To elaborate: even though I've been off pornography use for a while, I'll have a 1-3 day span where all I can think about is watching pornography. But its like... all I think about. It's to the point where I ignore *all* rational, *all* my beliefs, *all* notion of what I truly want (which is to not watch it), and become hung up on the idea that ""I won't be okay until I look at it"". The thought is less ironed out than that in my head, but that's essentially what it feels like. I just kinda burn with desire that cannot be quelled until I give it exactly what it wants. But Its not what *I* want... I feel like I don't have any control to be able to say ""no, I don't want that anymore."" instead I'm rendered to obsessive anxiety about ""getting a fix"", so to speak. I don't know if any of that makes much sense. Now I'm stuck here not knowing if this is an area of addiction or OCPD that is at play, and I don't even know if knowing the difference would make a difference. But I'm just trapped here and scared, and I don't know what to think moving forward.",1 "tw death/trauma/suicide feels. i fucking cannot stand them. at all. They're banned this year due to how dry stuff is. started last night. i just aint got the heart to be the person raining on some kid's favorite holiday. but good fucking lawd i could not sleep, and watching my bestfriend get blown up on repeat at certain sounds has been... rough. To make it the worst it can be, my hearing is unbelievable. i can hear ppl talking, the fireworks, etc., through ear plugs and over-ear protection 😭😭😭😭😭 can i die yet? I dont want to deal with the 4th or my birthday at all. is all a horrible nightmare. hope you all are doing okay. i am not.",3 "I strongly suspect that I might have ADHD. I had written a long post explaining *why* I thought that I had ADHD, but it was becoming a wall of text. To put a long story short, I've seen 2 psychiatrists. The first diagnosed me as bipolar, and the second that that it was ridiculous that I was ever diagnosed as bipolar and changed it to ""depression *with mixed features.*"" I avoided saying anything about ADHD to both of them (I did get the second one to give me a QB test me for it though, but he dismissed the results as mixed.) I didn't press the issue because I wanted to trust their conclusions. I don't really care what I have as long as long as I'm working to ""fix"" it (or at least manage it and not feel like garbage). I don't trust self diagnosis, I know how damaging it can be to people who actually suffer from a condition. People with OCD come to mind and how much they've struggled to be taken seriously. I didn't want to contribute to that with ADHD. In the end, I don't really feel like I was helped by either psychiatrist, and I dreaded seeing the second one so much that I eventually cancelled an appointment and never scheduled a new one. --- Since then I've seen so many memes, posts and YouTube videos from people with ADHD talking about their experiences, and it hurts how much I can relate to them. It hurts because I realize how much treatment might have helped me when I was a kid and knowing that I still probably need treatment. People online have suggested seeking out a specialist, someone who specializes in ADHD treatment. I don't know how to feel about it. Going out of my way to find someone to diagnose me with ADHD just feels like another version of self diagnosis. I had a family member who used to brag that she went to multiple therapists until she found one who agreed with her. And she'd talk about it like it was a good thing. She had some really toxic behaviors but she managed to blame everyone around her, and often said her therapist agreed with her. I don't want to be like that. I want to trust my doctor, and I want to understand that they'll have knowledge about things that I don't. I don't really care what I have as long as I'm working to ""fix"" or manage it. I don't know what to do. I need to start seeing a psychiatrist again, and I should start therapy as well. Should I seek out someone who specializes in ADHD treatment? That feels *wrong* to me. But I also don't look forward to another psychiatrist focused on treating my depression and ignoring what I think is *causing* my depression.",0 Nothing seems to be “my thing”. As in I don’t seem to have any strong passions for anything at all. I can’t focus or commit to anything long enough or deeply enough for it to become my thing. I have no strong interests. I have no personality. I am no one in particular. It’s been this way for so long that I can’t remember ever having these things. Maybe I never did and actually have been this way my entire life. I have nothing to fall back on when I’m feeling low and no energy to find anything new. My life isn’t just like watching paint dry. I am the drying paint…,2 "I would like to ask you guys how you manage to clean your belongings which cannot be held under flowing water. Firstly, when I clean I just feel like I am moving dirt from left to right with a cloth and only feel good about cleaning if I can hold something under water with soap. I know that a cloth picks up some or most of it, but if it was something nasty like mold, old food, outdoor shoes, squished dead bugs on my floor or furniture, i feel like spores and particles are not gone rather spread with a cloth. And these things are even objectively disgusting without ocd. My question is not about how to be more careful so that it wouldnt happen, more about what do you do when things happen. Secondly, found that if I spilled something nasty on my computer or furniture or phone and it flows right into all holes and cracks I feel helpless. Aside from being more careful, how do you handle it when you can't throw it away and you can't wash it under flowing water? Spraying things down with alcohol doesn't help me at all. I rather feel like having dead germs and dirt killed by alcohol on my carpet or so is equally disgusting. Science or cleaning tips are welcome!",1 "We’ll never be able to experience anything great. Life is just going through the motions so you can…keep doing just that. There’s no adventure, there’s no true love waiting for everyone. There’s no attainable dream job. There’s no heroics or wonders. It’s just giving up your time and energy to fuel a corporate machine. You’re nothing but a battery to be spent up and thrown away. Life is just one lonely, mediocre shamble from beginning to end. Filled with dead dreams and failed expectations. Empty promises and false hopes. I’m afraid my dreams will die with me.",2 "I’ll keep it concise. I’m a 23 year old female. This happened when I was 22–I believe. So I was on Omegle, me and this guy were talking. It was kinda explicit-ish. Not long, ended pretty quick. Both of us were the legal age. Typically Ive talked to guys older than me. This guy was in my age range. However, I keep having this paranoia that he was lying to me about his age and my life is going to be over because I did nothing wrong without knowing or meaning to. He said his age first, so it’s not like he had my age to go of and lie, but my brain is stuck in this loop. I know I’m over analyzing this. For all I know, I could have been talking to some 60-something year old man who was lying about his age. It didn’t start off like this, but my brain always moves to the worst thing after I’ve settled the first dilemma it brings up.",1 "A girl I've been interested in has a friend. Who has a friend. Who came to my apartment last year to see her friend (my roommate). During that visit, the friend's friend was super curious about me (my roommate told me afterword it's because I was sitting listening to music in the same room and didn't introduce myself once). After she asked why I was acting so weird and why my roommate was friends with me he explained that while, ""... he doesn't show emotions he's actually super empathetic. He once walked in the pouring rain to Kroger to get me some cold medicine because he felt bad that I was sick"" (yes, I did ask my roommate for as close to what he exactly said as possible so I could figure all this out). Well, it turns out that what my roommate's friend remembered from that conversation was something akin to, ""... he doesn't have emotions"". Then, when my roommate's friend described her night to a friend and mentioned that super weird kid with no emotions the friend's friend recognized that kid as someone in her lecture. Naturally, during lecture she pointed him out to her other friend who was in the same lecture. The girl I've been high key crushing on for two years. He was me. Described as the guy with no emotions. And from what I heard (luckily for me I know someone who happened to be sitting behind them) she responded, ""I can totally see that"". So, I guess the times I talked to her just reinforced that idea. Because now she's on team, ""He's Not Human"". Usually when I'm drunk I just giggle to myself and/while make/making Reddit posts. Honestly, right now I'm just laugh crying and feel like a pallet of bricks is on my chest. This is not what alcohol was made for.",3 "Honestly I feel more comfortable venting to internet strangers than my own friends right now. Things have been hitting me so hard. I can't stop beating myself up over some past decisions I've made, I'm convinced everyone hates me. I get so emotional and want to lock myself in a room and cry if someone takes a while to text me back. The worst part is, this is just the same seasonal depression I get every year. I know these things aren't true, I actually do have a really good support system around me. I love my friends. Why does my own brain have to do this to me? I woke up today and immediately started crying. I just feel so alone and empty when i don't need to be. It's ruining my day. I'm very frustrated. Can't wait until winter is over. In the meantime, excersizing and swallowing a lot of vitamin D can help some days. But today is a bad one.",2 "I absorb everything and end up exhausted and just exist. Now iv'e spent 3 weeks at home laying in my bed at underweight and slept alot, still feel like sleeping, feel pretty alone but unable to skip forward my issues, feels like they are just stones stuck in my machinery. But the paralyze is also partly of cptsd = (complex) long lasting intensive trauma. So yeah just wanted to see if anyone relates.",3 "So, i'm wondering if others share a similar bodily Phenomenon that appears be to an occurring experience. i was on a date yesterday with someone i really liked, but I knew the direction it was going... i was very infatuated in the days coming up to the date, which included bouts of intense anxiety. it didn't help that i noticed differences in how she communicated with me e.g more reserved, less kisses etc. it was to to say the least; a very overwhelmingly and emotional week. When the day arrived, I was just ""numb"" like my body and my mind was coated in a thick membrane. I could couldn't process a proper conversation, I couldn't keep up with my date's wit (i could before) and to summarise, i simply couldn't express myself. At the end of the night, she said it was best if we remained friends. It was upsetting...she even expected me to cry(?) but again, i was just numb. Anyway, i've noticed this same pattern, especially in dates, to people that most appeal to me. ​ can anyone offer any answers to what i'm experiencing ?",0 "Maybe I’m biased because the teacher who had made it her goal to fix me, was the one who taught it to me and made me read it, so maybe the actual advice was warped by her interpretation Which was you need to follow the advice in this book, because you won’t have any problems with your adhd if you do But idk I feel like forming habits is hard when you already can’t form the habit and keep forget to take the meds you’ve been taking every morning since kindergarten. I’ve found other ways of coping, but I just feel that the book’s advice just didn’t work for me. And I also feel like some of the advice was even bad for me. Maybe it’s because I’m dyspraxic on top of adhd?",0 "Hey guys, so I’m a manager at a restaurant and one of my associates triggered a flashback and I needed to step out and deal with the sudden outburst of negative emotion and flooding of thoughts and memories. It’s been a couple of hours later but I still have that on edge feeling. I’m just wondering how you guys come down back to baseline from this. Especially when you’re in situations where you’re in charge of something and you have to be present. I don’t want my PTSD to set me back. I don’t want it to hinder my ability to do my job because I have a great work ethic and I know I can do well. These flashbacks don’t happen as often as they did a year ago. But when triggered they are strong. I feel like I’m back in the setting of my trauma. That feeling of complete dread and helplessness overcomes me. I just need some tips from you guys. Thank you <3",3 "Okay this is probably really bad for my mental well-being but I feel kinda down a lot. Not really sad, just down. And I’ve found that when I pushy my emotions away they come back stronger than they would have been if I had just let myself feel them in the first place, so I let myself feel the emotions. When I feel down, it isn’t a bad feeling usually. It just happens in the evening, and it’s a small time period where I can let my feelings out and feel better. I feel down, but not like sad. If that makes sense. There’s something strangely pleasant about feeling that way. I feel down and I cry, but it’s a comforting feeling. I don’t feel hopeless, I have things I’m proud of and people around me I love, so I don’t feel hopeless, I just let my feelings out. I don’t know how to explain it other than that really. Maybe someone else can relate?",3 "I’ve been wondering if this could be OCD doing this ( I can’t get diagnosed so I’m unsure of everything). To be brief, I’m very active politically, I involved myself in my national election and now in my regional election. I also discuss politics with people online very often, I really like this. But sometimes, whenever I learn about something that makes me put my beliefs in perspective or if I was very wrong on a certain topic, I will start questioning everything I’ve ever learned and start wondering if I’m on the wrong side or if I’m just wasting my life. I’ll start massively researching stuff (not in the way I usually enjoy it), I’ve also bought books impulsively to teach myself certain subject (happend twice and still not through even one of these books). All of this things do sound like obsessive thoughts and compulsions but I’ve never heard of something like a « Political OCD » just want to know if someone experienced the same or knows if that’s a thing.",1 "I am a 20 year old college student and have been struggling with depression for a years now. What I don’t understand is that I’m studying something I really enjoy, have a job in the fashion industry that is on the come up, have good grades, am considered “conventionally attractive” but I feel alone and ugly and unworthy of anything. I wake up nearly everyday just in agony regardless of how good the night before was. Sometimes I feel like im being an ungrateful bitch.",2 My brain just convinced me that I made a contract with a entity to sell all of my memories to an external being. Is any of this real or no?,1 I'll often find myself worrying about this when I'm having particularly terrible intrusive thoughts. I start paying obsessive attention to how I hold myself and my facial muscles so that I don't give any indication as to what's going through my head. I'll stare at people and try to send out thoughts with my mind asking them if they can hear me as some sort of test to see if they respond or show any hint they may have heard me.,1 I frequently feel very guilty for having a “bad” emotional response to something or for having some sort of bad desire. This is actually one of my main things rather than just intrusive thoughts. Does anyone else deal with this?,1 "Nobody cares about me, I’m just a side character in everyone’s life including my own. I feel lost and the only time people ever think about me or acknowledge my existence is when I’m right in front of them. I just want to be happy.",2 "I haven’t been able to find a support group so I’ve decided to try to start my own. Our focus is women with PTSD or who have experienced SA/DV. Anyone who is struggling is welcome although we prefer to keep it woman focused due to the nature of the topics that will be discussed. If you’re looking for support please join us! https://links.geneva.com/invite/bd0b4e65-0f64-4c5d-a9f8-82dc9a68e6e2",3 "I am currently taking 10 mg short acting Adderall 4 times a day to get me all the way through my work day (middle school teacher). (I was taking Adderall XR when I woke up, then the IR at lunch & halfway through the afternoon.) It works reasonably well, but I have to remember to take it four times a days, and even with multiple alarms set, I still regularly forget at least one dose which results in me being unable to herd my ducklings effectively (and usually end up in a sensory overload in the process). I recently learned about Jornay PM, which, from my understanding, you take before bed and is 24 hour. I am absolutely intrigued by this. My psych is willing to try it but doesn’t have any other patients currently on it. So I thought I’d look here for people’s experiences before I take the plunge. **TL;DR** I’m considering transitioning from Adderall to Jornay PM (with dr blessing), but want to hear others’ experiences with Jornay before making the switch. (I am not asking for medical advice in any way and am in full communication with my doctor in this process). Thank you so much in advanced!",0 "My friend made fun of my OCD today and the more I think about it, the angrier I get. I was eating and she made a joke about how I better be careful, and it might be ""contaminated"". I pretended to ignore her but she repeated it as if she really wanted me to hear it. I've opened up to her about my obsession with germs/vomiting in the past and this comment just felt so mean and targeted. I don't know how to confront her but bottling this up probably isn't a good thing to do lol.",1 "Every month I get maniac episodes where I feel so lonely and sad that I crave attention from a particular someone who is not in my life anymore and I text her or just do anything to make her text me or call me which she feels is very manipulative and toxic. She told me that we both are not healthy for each other and we should work on ourselves. I am trying very hard and to not harrass her like that but this emotional need to be with her over powers me. I am obsessed over the thought of she being with me and I am not able to control myself from texting her. What should I do?",1 "So up until sorta recently (idk when I started) I (17F) would hit/punch myself in the head as a bad habit, I forget how hard I did it or how often I did it. I don't think I did it THAT often or super hard (it would hurt for maybe 10 seconds and then go away, but it was a bad habit that I have now stopped. However, a couple weeks ago, I read about CTE, which is a fatal brain disease that can show up decades later due to repeated hits and is often seen in football players, army veterans, and sometimes domestic abuse victims too. Ever since then, I've just been sad and scared because I ~~feel~~ know that I'm just going to end up dying early from this brain disease. I feel no motivation with life anymore and literally just can't get myself off of thinking about this, I'm sure I'm just gonna end up dying (average age of onset is 42 for this and average age of death is 51. I keep thinking ""what's the point of life when I'm just gonna end up dying early and not doing any of the things I wanna do?"" Even though I wouldn't have the balls to kill myself, sometimes I wonder if it's better if I just die now and not have to deal with this anxiety and fright and then end up just dying at the end of a short life. Yesterday, my friend told me that it's ok to not have figured my life out, and that ""(celebrity he likes) figured his life only in his mid 20s"". But that just triggered me because I was reminded of how I'm probably gonna die early, and what's the point, if I'm just gonna die before I figure out my life? People saying that ""I have my whole life to figure things out"" just makes it worse and just makes me more sad. I get thoughts of ""Is it selfish for me to marry when I'll just die a bit into my marriage and leave my husband wifeless and kids motherless?"" ""Is it selfish to keep this from my parents and friends, and then I suddenly die, and they don't get why? Or should I tell them now?"" I asked a couple people on here and one of my other friends about this, and they're saying I'll be fine and it won't be that bad, but of course, in classic OCD fashion, it doesn't help. I just don't care about my life anymore. I'm just gonna die early, and I've accepted that. Nothing feels meaningful anymore, and all my friends and everyone around me will go onto live happy lives while I'll just die early because I was an idiot and hit my head like this. Ugh. I don't know what to do. It's either gonna be worrying about this all the time or dying from this.",1 "We split up 7 years ago after 6 year relationship which was abusive, he isn’t exactly the cause of my ptsd but is greatly part of it. I haven’t had any illusive dreams (that I at least remember) for quite some time, I get flashbacks quite frequently that don’t emotionally affect me as much anymore usually from certain triggers but it’s the illusive dreams. I can’t deal with them because it’s a reminder I still deeply love my ex inside doesn’t matter how many years far apart I haven’t spoken to him since I left that door and he still appears now and then in my dreams which I become extremely emotionally violaile, what’s worse is this dream he wanted sex and I think that’s when my body realised it’s just a dream and woke itself up with this confused as fuck feeling. I have to hide it away from my current partner as feel like if I tell him I’m not in a good mood he will vibe from it and be snappy it’s not great after years of being diagnosed this still creeps back and since this morning my random flashbacks of things that happened have been occurring which are emotionally affecting me, my stress levels are high at the moment as taking exams (did one on Tuesday which I’m just fearful over) but it’s not that kinda stress level where I can’t handle myself but it seems my mind saying other things. /rant",3 "Hi friends, I (24F) received my ADHD diagnosis a little under eight weeks ago. I've been working with my therapist and psychologist, started meds (gaining the ability to just... do things when I want to or should?? fuckin bananas) have been talking to friends about it, doing all the Good Processing Things. And one thing I've noticed that's been so deeply emotional for me is grieving the fact that I and my symptoms were so looked over, by everyone. Y'all, the specialist I worked with concluded that I was in the 99th percentile as a child, and as an adult, I'm in the 98th percentile overall. I have The Most ADHD. I've been thinking a lot about all the ways I felt as a kid, and how much I *wished* I could figure out the secret key to success it seemed like everyone else had. I feel so sad for the little girl that I was, who just didn't understand why she felt different, who wasn't *supposed* to figure it out (my therapist said to me ""well, of course you couldn't figure it out. You didn't have a Ph.D. in psychology, you were an elementary schooler""). I feel sad for the ambitions I had in high school, to study history and anthropology, and giving up on it because I couldn't make myself do my APUSH readings. I feel sad for all the curiosity I forced myself to leave behind, for all the days I thought I was too lazy, for all the days I fell asleep in class because I couldn't tune in. For telling myself I was stupid for not being able to study or pass tests when I was acing projects and essays. I feel sad for the friendships that were hurt because I was late, couldn't focus, forgot to text back. Feeling unseen by my parents, teachers, and peers, and never understanding *why.* I feel sad for that very specific and frequent feeling of being *too much–* too excited, too chatty, too loud. That look someone older would have when they didn't quite know what to do with me. I wish things had been different for me. As a child, I was shy, curious, excited, emotional. And I always felt like it all came out sideways, and I wish that someone had told me it was okay, that there wasn't anything inherently wrong with me– just a brain that needed a little extra support. And at the same time, I know that I have created this beautiful life I love, full of brilliant experiences that I wouldn't trade for anything, which I would not have found had I followed a different path. I feel such a heavy loss, and also hope at understanding myself in a new way. Edit: I'm overwhelmed by how many of you relate, and by all the kind words. All I can say is thank you, and it is so beautiful to know that none of us are alone in this",0 "I started 10mg/day of Ritalin about a month ago and since then I've been sleeping much better. I remember my dreams almost every night and I find myself feeling more refreshed in the morning. From what I've heard stimulants make it more difficult to achieve peaceful rest, so I was curious as to anyone else's experiences.",0 Can someone explain me the difference btw two and are both random thoughts?,1 "I haven't been able to speak to my therapist in months now, before that I had seen them twice in 2 weeks and before that I hadn't spoken to them for over a month because of scheduling issues. I don't really have a direction here just a bit of a vent I guess, I've been self medicating more and haven't slept well in days now. How are you guys coping?",3 "I have had really bad ocd for a very long time now but this is by far the worst. It is a mix between real event OCD and false memory and I’m starting to think that the memories are true and that I’m actually a terrible person and if what I think is true I think I have to kill myself. Here is my story: between the ages of 15 and 17, I was addicted to cubersexing. I would go on Omegle a lot and show my abs and then any time I saw a girl I would ask them if they wanted to cubersex. So this was 2 years ago the last time I didn’t, and for the last 11 months I have been going crazy. First, I was just scared a sex tape of me would leak. Then, I was scared that I was a flasher and that somebody younger might have seen me. Now I am absolutely horrified that I may have cybersexed with like a 12 or 13 year old. Here is why I think I may have: I was so desperate that I would literally just click until I saw a girl, and I didn’t care if it was a fake camera or not, I would just get off with it(I’m crying writing this I know it’s horrible) also, even though I was not seeking out younger girls, I never really asked for ages and I’m now scared that maybe I just didn’t notice someone was younger and I did it with them. Now here’s why I think I didn’t: I have no attraction to younger girls and had no interest in cybersexing with them, I remember skipping obviously young people before but I fear maybe one slipped through the cracks, and I remember one time a girl telling me she was 13 and me realizing she was too young and skipping. I went back onto the website and saw a fake camera of a girl that looked like she was around 12, and for the past 3 months I’ve just going back and forth in my head obsessing over whether I would have talked to her. Sometimes I am 100 percent certain I wouldn’t have, and sometimes I feel like I would have. I can’t just live with this uncertainty, I live in constant fear that some video is going to come out and ruin my life, and I basically have anxiety attacks every day. Thanks for reading this if you did, please help me.",1 "Sorry if this is not allowed, since I'm not professionally diagnosed with PTSD. But that's the reason why I'm asking this. I started going to therapy at the beginning of this year. I've had only 5 sessions so far, but I still want to wait more time until I get to trust her best. I am asking this for now so I can process it for a longer time until I'm ready. And I am also very scared and concerned of me not being able to open up to her, because usually when I talk about my trauma in person I start crying and I start getting too much flashbacks, its overwhelming and kind of embarrassing. Any advice to overcome with this?",3 "Allism Spectrum Disorders: A Parody Written by Terra Vance on September 22, 2018 In prevailing literature, people on the autism spectrum have all of their traits, their behaviors, and even their very existence pathologized. They are considered to have mind blindness, or the opposite of empathy, which means that they are unable to predict the feelings or thoughts of others. This is problematic, because we are perfectly capable of predicting the thoughts and feelings of others in our neurotype. We are not mind blind, we are different. We are a minority, neurologically speaking, but we have our own innate social rules that among our neurotype make sense to us. Autistic people often refer to non-autistics as allistics. If autistics were the neuro-majority, then the 1-2% of the population who were allistic would have their entire existence pathologized. Here is a parody to demonstrate, for allistics, what it feels like to autistic people who have to read about themselves as described by people who dont understand them. Allism Allism, also known as Allism Spectrum Disorder, is a pervasive developmental disorder which impairs a persons social, communicative, emotional, cognitive, and behavioral function. The symptoms of allism range from moderate to severe and are lifelong; however, with intensive treatment and early interventions, the presentation of symptoms can be less severe. Currently, there is no cure for allism; however, therapeutic and dietary interventions in the research stage of development are showing promise. If youre curious about the possibility of someone you know or love being allistic, it is important to speak to your provider about being evaluated. Note that allism is a spectrum, and allistics may not suffer from all of the following symptoms: Marked Difficulties with Interpersonal/Social Relationships and Communication: Frequently imagines non-verbal cues are meant to indicate offense Persons with allism tend to suffer from a lack of empathy, or mind blindness, in that they have difficulty understanding or intuiting the needs and thoughts of others. They assume that the independent actions, facial expressions, voice inflections, and factual statements of others are intended to be hostile, argumentative, or condescending. May suffer from delusions of persecution and believe that others are judging them or attacking them; difficulty understanding the motives of others; believes the thoughts and opinions of people are related to his/her own participation and existence in the world. Allistics have difficulty believing that other people can perform actions independent of having a motive that is in some way related to them. E.g. You went to the gym? What were you doing there? Were you trying to get away from me? Are you trying to get in shape so that you can cheat on me? Conversely, they often become offended when they perceive that others have done something independently without factoring into their endeavors how it relates to the allistic him or herself. E.g. Why were you going to the gym? Were you trying to look better for me? No? You never think about me! You’re so selfish! Pervasive difficulty with discussing topics of substance; often reduces conversations to superficial, trivial details (e.g. deflects discussions of meteorological patterns or climate change to the current, observable state of the weather) Allistic people tend to make judgments, form preferences, and imitate the most prevalent rhetoric and talking points of current issues; however, their political, social, religious, and cultural identity is based on the social structure of those in his or her immediate circle. They would prefer to continue in espousing and parroting mainstream beliefs which are dominant in their social circles, and would become hostile and combative towards factual evidence which contradicts the views of their social affiliations. Superimposes imagined meaning, subtext, or connotation on factual statements. May even perceive compliments as insults or believe they can divine true context from the tone of others, even in the form of written text. Related to the tendency to feel persecuted, allistics project meaning onto factual statements, believing that there is some implied or passive subtext in concrete, factual statements. Often feels that a statement of fact is a veiled attempt to assert supremacy or dominance. E.g. What are you trying to say by telling me you loaded the dishwasher? Are you saying that I don’t do enough around the house!? Are you asking me to brag on you for contributing to the household you enjoy and live in? Are you accusing me of being a bad spouse? Will lie or misrepresent themselves and their needs in order to appear aligned with others; will agree with the opinions of others so as to avoid the discomfort of being contradicted Allistics demonstrate a debilitating fear of nonconformity and thus experience difficulty disagreeing with the opinions, preferences, and musings of others. Is content to assume the identity of those in the dominant social structure, potentially as a result of the aversion to examining or studying topics beyond their most basic tenets. Chronically summarizes and would prefer to be inaccurate than to be contradictory. Feels a need to suppress desires and differences out of fear of discrimination; conversely, may discriminate against others on the basis of ability level, gender, race, sex, sexual orientation, religion, socioeconomic status, or ability level. While fully aware of these biases, will not admit to holding discriminatory beliefs or feelings of superiority. May treat others as inferior and in need of control if those people belong to some arbitrary or superficial minority category. Assigns value and rank to people based on the prevalence of their superficial traits; will feel justified in mistreating people who practice a different religion or who demonstrate a different configuration of genetic traits if those traits are less-frequently expressed in his or her immediate environment. Devolves to tribalism. E.g. I’m not prejudiced, but the foreigners in my community are all looking to take our jobs, want a government handout, and are trying to take over the economy. Omnipresent desire to have needs met by others persists into adulthood, expecting those around them to abandon their pursuits to spend time sitting in proximity to each other without engaging in productive discussion or interests. These needs extend into the abstract, insisting that others understand and intuit the allistic persons emotions and confirm verbally that they have understood those emotions, frequently requiring others to apologize for imagined sleights because of the feelings their delusions produce. Furthermore, allistics feel driven to have their actions and feelings validated by others in the form of praise. E.g. It doesn’t matter if I used social media to unfairly ruin a woman’s life! You need to validate my feelings of jealousy and rage! Over-inflated, superstitious view of personal abilities; believes self to be able to discern the character, beliefs, thoughts, and intentions of a person by looking into their eyes Allistics believe themselves to be able to divine, as if by metaphysical prowess, the internal thoughts, states, and motives about another person due to subtleties which can be in some spiritual way divined by looking into someones eyes. This trait often causes the allistic to feel warmth and trust for other allistics who have learned to manipulate others by exploiting this pathology. Allistics can be nave and vulnerable due to perceived kindness they see in the eyes of people who seek to take advantage of this trait. Allistics tend to feel that those who do not reciprocate their strange gestures and intense staring are dangerous or untrustworthy. This is a reflection of a phenomena known as mind blindness, or the inability to perceive the thoughts and internal states of another. May demand collaborative work but be unable to cooperate; difficulty working alone Allistics are socially motivated and need to work collaboratively in order to focus on projects. They require frequent breaks, profuse praise for mediocre performance, and verbal or written validation of the quality of their performance. They may be unable to work without frequent rewards and acknowledgement of their performance. They are motivated more by the rewards they receive than by the importance of their contribution to the greater good. Low-functioning allistics may require accommodations in order to perform in a professional setting, including emotional support coaches, increased break times, and frequent confirmation that they are performing satisfactorily. A by-product of tribalism, they may have difficulty respecting leadership and co-workers who are less attractive, of the female gender, of a different race or ethnicity, are disabled, or have some other observable difference. continued here: https://psychcentral.com/blog/aspie/2018/09/allism-spectrum-disorders-a-parody#Allism",3 "After 8-9 months of suffering and despair with my OCD (seeing 2 psychiatrists, my doctor and multiple therapists confirming I am not schizophrenic or psychotic), today was the first day I was “okay” with the possibility I may become schizophrenic/psychotic one day. I have been playing with this idea & practicing my ERP/CBT for some time now, and today it finally paid off. I hope I have more days like this to come.",1 "That is what one of my friends constantly tells me. He is (surprise) a NT but he means well and legitimately tries to help me whenever possible. How do I tell him that this doesn't help me at all without sounding like an ungrateful asshole?",3 "I feel like I’m burning every bridge in my life because I can’t handle this but I’m also terrified of abandonment. I just don’t know what to do in this situation, I feel like my world is falling apart.",3 I’ve just worked seasonal jobs upon graduating from college. Gotta find something to bring home a little cash and this sounds like a comfy hustle until my spring/summer job comes around. I live with my parents so I don’t exactly need to make a full living’s worth. Just need to contribute. Much rather do this than work in traditional retail lmao. Just wondering if you have any input/advice! :D,3 "Negative and traumatic experiences have left me jaded, apathetic, and numb. Maybe something bad happens and I have lots of feelings for a bit, but then it dissipates into grey. Sometimes it feels like this is improvement, but then other times it feels unhealthy. It's like at some point your brain just has to shut off. Like ""Oh... I guess that just happened"" and then onwards until the next trauma. Anyone relate?",3 "Finished my first full day of taking sertraline (Zoloft) yesterday. Felt nauseous, dizzy, and tired and also ruminated a ton (which I’m trying to limit by taking these meds). I could barely fall asleep last night, and so far I’m feeling like trash again today and still ruminating. I’m also leaning on my gf more than usual and even though she says it’s fine, I feel bad for doing so. I’m starting out with a small dose (50mg and will move up to 100mg in a couple of weeks) and I know it’s supposed to get better but this start has been less than fun.",1 "Anyone else burnt out and not ready to invest in relationships? I know community and social support is healing and important. However, I am accepting I am not ready to fully invest in relationships as I am working hard on my self healing and my relationship with myself. I can’t really fully give in a relationship right now which isn’t fair to the other person. That also means I cannot be the social justice, nurturing, helper, enfp/infp woman I am in my heart. I have to use those skills on healing myself now. It was hard for me to quit my social service job to work in a job I barely help others and that I have no passion for. Thankfully, it is such a low stress job that I am able to focus on my healing. Taking this time to focus on my self care is not selfish. I need this time. I can’t give what I don’t have. I am burnt out by people. I am irritated by people. I fear people. I need this time to heal myself and then my relationships with others. I have learned what a healthy relationships with boundaries looks like. Now I am super cautious who I let into my life as I am watchful of red flags and am aware of the toxic people I tend to attract due to traumatic bonding. I am also aware of the toxic behaviors I am healing and working on so I have to be very mindful of how I am with others, too. It is exhausting and it feels good to have a lot of alone time. Anyone else relate?",3 "I am a longtime lurker and I have been currently in the process of trying to get a diagnosis for my ADHD. I have been dealing with a lot of resentment towards my older sister and my parents because of it. For context, My sister has ADHD, she got diagnosed around the same time I was trying to talk to my mom about my own issues in school and other stuff. My parents completely blew me off and my mom helped my sister get diagnosed. I know she could present differently and that is why I ended up getting no help; but when I went into a doctor that is not my normal one trying to tell her what I have been a difficult time with, my mom gave me no support, and while I never said I thought I had adhd (was 15, didn’t think to put a label on it) she told me that I didn’t have ADHD and that I should just try meditating. So now 5 years later I’m trying to navigate the process of getting diagnosed with no support and little empathy. I called my insurance and they were only able to find 3 practices or specialists who cover my insurance. I’m a full time student, I can’t afford to pay out of pocket at all, so I went to call to clarify with the closest one and they told me they don’t accept my insurance. As stupid as it sounds I just feel a little overwhelmed and upset, I don’t think my parents understand that I needed help, they’re getting it a little more now, but they’re still not being supportive, I’m 19 going to be 20 in just over a week of this being posted. I honestly just need a little support atm, I have two more numbers to call but I just feel way too off to call, I have finals next week but I can’t seem to sit down to focus, another thing my parents haven’t quite understood. My sister just thinks if I go to. Neurologist it will solve my problems like her, except she was a minor when she got diagnosed, I am an adult trying to navigate the same process adults do with zero clue of what I am doing or how I am supposed to make sure I am advocating for myself in the best way. Am I being over dramatic, I know that I am not the only going through this but why Is this so difficult to process and get done. I’m sorry if this is a lot, I just needed to vent and if anyone has some advice please feel free to let me know Edit; My doctor recommended I go to see a Neuropsychologist and said If couldn’t see them I should try a Psychiatrist, The Neuropsych is way too expensive and the only other number I have that is specific to that is a Pediatric unit that isn’t available to for 2 months and listed my insurance as out of network (i don’t know what that means). The Psychiatrist doesn’t have a website and is also a neurologist? I am just confused and I don’t know if I should call my doctor and ask if they have any backup options for how I can get evaluated. I also went in and the primary reason for the referral request she listed was executive functioning issues and attention problems were listed on my visit summary.",0 "i can never seem to keep up and i always end up with an overwhelming amount of work to do by the end of the quarter. i’ve tried using calendars, using a planner, sticky notes, alarms, nothing seems to work! i’m failing quite a few of my classes because of this and i might have to take remedial english if i don’t fix my act. does anyone here have tips on how to prevent this? (will change flair if this doesn’t apply)",0 "What are some adhd friendly jobs. Or what are y’all doing in general? I’ve changed my major many times and idk what I want to do. I find myself being a slave and zombie to my meds. I’d like to see if there are any TECH people, like software, cyber security? Currently in the medical field and im just not a fan. Heavily reliant on my meds just to make it. But I’m curious to see what others are doing maybe will peak my interest l. Like I get bored of routine very easily! And the routine I’m in makes me itch lol",0 I have a need to have something wrong with me. I don’t know what it is but I feel like I just want something to be wrong with me. I don’t know if it’s an attention thing or if I’m actually fucked up. I need someone to answer this. Please,2 "What are some tips and tricks to get started on tasks, especially ones that aren't so fun like University assessments, and study? I'm currently (recently) medicated too, I thought it may help but it's not really much help unless I get started. Always feeling like I'm in a cycle of depression from not starting>failing>feeling like crap and it just goes in circles endlessly.",0 "I adore instruments. Guitar, bass, piano, keyboards, violin… but i wish I wouldn’t get so bored after a while. I wanna get back to guitar and keyboards on the next vacation but maybe something online like youtube classes, otherwise i’ll be lazy. Anyone feel the same? Or any tips?",3 " So last Monday was my birthday I turned 27 and that day I received a lot of birthday wishes it overwhelmed me so much that I haven’t checked my texts since then ( I even went on vacation and had lots of panic attacks & feelings of worthlessness due to how I looked in my bikini which made me wanna hide more ) and now I’m scared cause I feel like a asshole and if I explain that that I was overwhelmed and depressed that they wouldn’t believe me I was talking to a lot of guys before my birthday who probably wonder wtf happened to me but honestly I feel worthless I’m 27 still live with my parents, no job , trying to get disability( for my ptsd, bipolar & panic disorder) & I’ve been celibate for 2 years so I feel like I will be shitty in bed anyways I’m just so scared of rejection that I isolate myself & don’t even respond to men that were interested in me can someone help me feel like less of an asshole for ignoring/ avoiding responding to people for a week ??",3 "I loved this album in 2018. Listening to it reminded me of that time in my life, when I was still depressed but things were a little better for me and I was at least hopeful that things could get better. She feels like a much better, different person than I am today. It feels like there’s a knife in my gut. Now all my days are blurred, and I’m filled with sadness and anxiety all the time. I wish I could go back to then and change things for the better, or at least figure out how to stay in that somewhat hopeful state. I feel worse than ever today, and I don’t see a point in going on.",2 "So, over the past years, I have developed a collection of mental health diagnosis : BP1, ADHD, GAD, depersonalization. While my life has been a lot better since starting medications and therapy for these, some things haven't gotten better. I've been working with a therapist for about a year now, and in the past while, even they have been suggesting I talk to my doctor about medication options. * I call my loved ones 10-15 times a day to make sure they're alive, if i don't call it might be the reason they're dead * Praying even though I'm not religious when my parents are mowing the lawn or driving * It takes me 2 and a half hours to leave the house because I'm checking the stove, water, electrical plugs, that i locked the door, that I've peed enough * I look at people on the street and imagine violent things happening even though I'm not a violent person and these thoughts really mess me up because i hate them * fearing getting sick or getting people sick * and so on and so on. ​ My perception of OCD was that it involved being neat and tidy, and well.. my room is a mess and stuff like that. But I guess that the media created this perception of OCD that isn't accurate. My doctor is consulting with a psychiatrist (I left my old one and haven't found a new one willing to ""deal with me"") and is looking for medication recommendations. They suggested Luvox as a potential candidate, which is scary because SSRIs have caused manic episodes in the past. I feel this huge relief. I feel like I'm not this awful human being anymore for having these horrible thoughts about things happening to people. I am excited to see a world where I can leave the house and not have to go back and check. I'm excited for a world where I can enjoy talking to my parents without being consumed with the fact this could be our last phone call. I've felt so close with my mental health for so long but not quite there and I'm hoping this is the missing link to living a life that feels freeing and fulfilling.",1 "Hi, all. Here, I am, in New England, the most aspie-friendly corner of the US of A. All things considered, we came through the last year and a half with a lot less to be ashamed of compared to the rest of the country. We locked down hard when the shit first hit the fan, without waiting for our state governments to issue mandates. When the medical industry asked us to wear kitchen towels and save the real masks for medical personnel, we did exactly that. Then when better masks became available, we wore those. People did not bitch and moan about having to settle for takeout at our favorite restaurants. We just took care to keep on getting takeout so the restaurants would still exist on the other side of this nightmare. And the face masks, well, they really did have a weird effect. For the first time in my life, nobody got weirded out by my ""slightly off"" tone of voice any more. They blamed the muffling effect of my mask. Nobody was inclined to be weirded out by my eye contact aversion either. Having to keep a distance and wear these masks was making everyone reduce their level of eye contact. What's more, the changed way we did just about everything changed the way people had to interact with each other. There was no more of this idea of going to a restaurant or other business so that some underpaid service sector employee would reassure you about your station in life by groveling before you. You had to get your food and go. Add the sensory annoyance from the face masks, as well as not being able to sense cues from other people's facial expressions, and it all adds up to inflicting on the entire population a simulation of what it's like to be autistic. I love how New England coped with it. We just made the effort to be kind while the nightmare stretched on and on and on. It really seemed to me that everyone was responding to the challenge of interacting with a masked society by trying to err on the side of kindness in every interaction. So I'm not quite looking forward to coming out on the other side. People here are still wearing masks when they go into stores, just to give the clerks one less thing to worry about: ""is asdorbap vaccinated ? (yes), or is he just being a jerk coming in without a mask ? (I am a jerk, but not to store clerks.)"" But eventually that will fade away. And then when the masks come off, I'll have to start masking again. I have not made sustained eye contact with another human being in 18 months. Not looking forward to it.",3 "I've seen a lot of people talking about their experiences with being sexually abused while underage, and what the symptoms of it were like as a kid, etc, and I was wondering if it is possible to experience that sort of trauma but not remember it? I've seen some sources say that memory repression isn't verified/isn't real overall, but as a kid (and even now, as an adult) I have a *lot* of those very same symptoms, and relate a lot to people who experienced CSA, but I don't have any distinct memories of being assaulted as a kid. I was in a foster home until the age of 2, when I was adopted, so I don't know if something could've happened then or what. Not being able to know for sure if this is something that happened despite feeling deep down it is leaves me feeling lost and confused.",3 "Hi,..I'm just trying to see if there are others out there who can relate. I used to be depressed AF about life no matter how successful I was. I moved out of my home country a year ago and for the first 6months I was planning my death. I was sp gross that I was freaking adamant to make my friends understand that I was depressed...and they were annoyed at me being so..so they snapped me out of it and I'm not depressed..I'm actually happy...seeing a wonderful person..life is normal but I feel like I'm not .this is not me. To me,I was not worthy of life..of anything good ...and right now I'm starting to feel like I deserve shit and something tells me that's not good.. I'm depressed that I ain't depressed 😐 this is just nuts.",2 "So yeah... like the title says, I've recently developed new triggers for my PTSD. It's [sarcasm] fantastic[/sarcasm]. And they're all thanks to medical issues I've been having recently. I had to have my gallbladder removed at the end of April, and I'm still not fully recovered from surgery thanks to sustaining an injury to my bile duct, vocal cords, and something to do with my right chest wall. I'm now getting triggered by having labs drawn; temperature, pulse ox, and blood pressure taken; being at a hospital; the beeping of medical devices; and even the thought of undergoing a medical procedure. Does anyone else have these triggers, and, if so, how do you deal with them? I'm currently inpatient for the third time since 30 April and my PTSD is making me crazy. Edit to add: I'm not inpatient at a mental health facility. I'm inpatient at an actual hospital awaiting further workup for ongoing complications from emergency surgery on 30 April 2021.",3 "Hi guys, For me at the moment, staying in bed after waking and trying to force more sleep is a really bad trigger for my mental health/OCD. I start to feel yucky and it gets progressivly worse the longer i stay in bed. I wake up alert circa 3am and its super cold.. So i find it hard to get out. I'm working on improving that but its really hard. ​ My wife has a heart of gold, but i know its hard for her seeing her husband in a bad state.. i feel even worse that shes pregnant and i can't fully support her and be happy around her. I tell her to get support from family/friends because im finding it really hard to give her that. ​ I know im in a season of life were obsessional thoughts/sensations are strong and it will pass. ​ If you wanna share thoughts/your own challenges or anything feel free to reply",1 "Hi all, I've been organizing to take my life for about 6 months now. I registered to be an organ doner and my method should guarantee a healthy set of organs to those in need. Am wrapping up my last sets of goodbyes, seeing old friends just so they remember my face. Any advice? I wrote a note to family and I'm completely ready to go, but I guess being human I still need that bit of encouragement..",2 "I'm thinking mainly of forms of expression that are essentially harmless but that some more judgy people might personally consider ""cringe"" or off-putting: such as wearing alternative clothing styles or apparel that reflects you and your identity as a person, embracing your identity as a fan of a particular genre/art form/visual style/media franchise without embarrassment, etc. as well as more active rather than passive versions of this such as creating the art, music, or writing that you personally want to create without worrying about how it will be perceived (even if people might read their own interpretation of subtext or intentions into it).",3 "Two things can exist at the same time. Your thoughts and you can exist at the same time. The first step into breaking the illusion is separating your thoughts and you. Absolutism is the name of the game for OCD, and it constantly intertwines you and your fearful thoughts, making an intense uncertainty occur and rumination incessant. To learn to separate yourself from your thoughts through mindful awareness will be the first step into recovery. Separation of your thoughts and you levels the playing field for you. You will feel stronger than you were in a cloud of despair and confusion. You can conceptualize your real self more often, and your odds and confidence of defeating your inner thoughts levels off. Eventually, you will be stronger than your fearful thoughts through practice. Accepting your fearful thoughts will greatly diminish their impact. Accepting them is not to accept the content of these fearful thoughts, but to accept the existence of uncertainty in your life, the same way you have to accept the anger, sadness, joy, ambivalence, and depression in your life. Uncertainty is an emotion. To feel safe, Safety, is an emotion. We must acknowledge that we never really 100% know everything that's going to happen, so we must accept that our fruitless ventures into absolute control is just our inability to accept Uncertainty. OCD is not your friend. It is not an enemy, but it is not your friend. OCD can never help, ever. It is a disorder of your culminating afflictions. OCD must be disregarded as the disorder it is. Focus on the previous techniques to focus now on YOU. Your confidence. Your self-esteem. Your security. Once you change the way you react to each thought that comes into your head, you will have dissolved the absolutist thinking your mind has adopted. Become flexible in your reactions, and become flexible in your choices. If you feel the need from a compulsion, defeat it not by ignoring it, but by overwriting it with a new reaction, forcing your OCD mind to accept an imperfect response. With flexibility, your OCD mind will become less able to become concrete. It dissolves slowly through practice. The true self learns to see reality, and the real self. The OCD mind learns to see things not as one possible route. The OCD mind learns that two things can exist at the same time: Thoughts and Self. To keep this duality is to have Security and Safety. It may not feel like two things in the mind. It may feel like there are millions of things in the mind of an OCD mind. But there is just two. The endless amount of fearful content stems from one side, thoughts. Self knows better and is separate, and thus makes Security and Safety. Self is the stronger half in the duality, even if thoughts, right now, feel like they are infinitely more powerful. It's kind of like Star Wars' Light Side and Dark Side. Dark Side is the disordered thoughts. The Light Side is the ability to control your deepest fears, to control the fruitless urges of your scared mind, and to let go of the concept of ""Control"" as a totalistic term. The only control you need is the control of Self, not of your Thoughts.",1 "Not sure if it's my meds or my brain but it's hard for me to hang in there much longer. Part of me is incredibly sad and lonely. I fantasize about being dead often. I think of hanging, shooting or ODing daily. As much as I try to be upbeat and positive, internally I'm dead inside. I don't feel appreciated, seen or cared for. At this point I'm hanging on bc I don't want to go before my dog does. Fuuuuuk, I don't look depressed but what's going on behind my eyes is pretty grim.",2 "Anybody else sometimes scared to think, lest they fall into a new web of obsessions atop their previous ones?",1 "So wanting to source opinions on this advert about helping people understand autism (and by extension aspergers). https://youtu.be/C5DrKv1h3Z4 I will say I personally love this video I think it shows a clear difference in helping being included and up unintentionally excluded within society and I love reading specifically the comments of other helping explain to this who don't understand why it's important. I don't usually have this sort of social (am unsure of the best terminology) awkwardness, but i understand heavily that feeling of being uncomfortable with a new person. Just wanted to share with those whso aren't from Vic Australia .",3 "I love sleeping. It's just so nice. However, it used to be really bad going to sleep, because I could not settle down and just lie there and do nothing. So boring! So what I do is think about stories or pictures as I'm going to bed. I like painting a really pretty picture in my mind that's bright, natural or cozy. That's always fun and I sometimes have dreams about what I've imagined after. My personal favorite is making stories or world building. I love thinking about the plot of a book I'm probably not going to write, and I like making species that can do insanely cool things with a logical limit to them. Thinking so hard about something very nice is rewarding to me, and I don't notice when I'm drifting off or I'm not fidgeting. In a way, I like before-sleep as a ""You can daydream now, there's nothing to focus on so you don't have to worry about schoolwork or chores."" Maybe everyone else knows this already and I'm late to the party, but hey, if this helps you, that's great.",0 Im always tired and cry when i go to sleep but i dont know why. I have like a few friends but im never invited to anything. I always feel lonely when im alone but on the other hand i like being alone. My parents wouldnt understand. I always fear the next day and I am hating myself to the tiniest bit.,2 "My bed is kind of my safe spot. It’s warm, I can listen to music on my phone and hopefully be asleep most of the time so that way I don’t feel anything.",2 "This is one of the most embarrassing things I've ever admitted in a public forum. I am incredibly ashamed and embarrassed, and I would not be posting any of this if I didn't truly need the advice and support. I began dealing with PTSD associated symptoms nearly 10 years ago and was diagnosed with PTSD a couple months ago. It seems like this all may be related to When people used to do things to me as a kid and as an adult? When I was 18, I started cutting. Did it only for 2 or 3 months and stopped before anyone ever found out. At 28 years old, I started therapy where I was convinced into talking about all the trauma stuff. This completely derailed me. I began drinking a bottle every night to sleep and, unfortunately, started experimenting with cutting again. I would cut whenever I felt dirty or disgusting or enraged with myself. Cutting really helps me feel so clean. More clean than any shower ever could. Unsurprisingly, I started relying on it more and more. Went from doing it once every 6 months to now where I'm doing it 2x per week. I would love to find a way to be able to stop before I get even more addicted. I'm a grown woman, and I couldn't be more embarrassed to be admitting all of this. I cannot tell my therapist either for fear of her implementing a psychiatric hold, even though the cutting is very, very superficial and I'm in no danger to myself. Does anyone have any ideas on what to do that would similarly help me feel clean again?",3 "Hello internet I started a new job this past week and it’s been really fun! I’ve been unemployed for awhile, as I’m sure I’m not the only one who has so going back to work was both intimidating and exciting. I seem to do well being a bartender but I always find that it overwhelms me and I can’t find a moment to go take a few moments to compose myself. Being that I haven’t actually told my managers that I am on the autism spectrum, I don’t want to just come out and say it and then they get all weird or start treating me differently. I guess I’m asking because I can only mask for so long and at this point it’s so natural to me that I almost lose my true self but I don’t wanna do that anymore. Do any of you have tips on how to slowly unmask at a new job/how to professionally ask for more breaks without drawing too much attention to myself?",3 "Prescription delivery service - According to my insurance, this company can mail me my medication (Adderall, generic) and they can give up to 3 months worth of medication in advance. This would be helpful because we have a lot of work travel planned for the upcoming months and you guys know how hard it is to keep up with dates and refills. Has anyone had success with this service?",0 "I had a major depressive episode and ended up not even showering for 8 weeks, i dragged myself out of that pit and felt so good yesterday that i sang in the gd shower, today i met with my university supervisor they told me id missed too much time and as a result was being kicked off the course and i would not be given any opportunity to even try to prove i could pass in the time left, i went home closed the front door sunk to the floor and cried... for an hour... my course was paying me 25,000k for the year i now have no income, no purpose and my lease runs out in 13 days and i have no idea what to do, i feel like it took all i had to get better and what motivated me was going back to university when i felt better but it turns out that isnt happening, so i feel like all the effort i put into getting undepressed was a waste and i shouldve just done the 'right' thing and slapped on a fake smile while crying on the bus home everyday for those stupid unempathic jerks so that way even if i was dying inside i wouldnt have fucked up my entire life for the long term",2 "I don’t want to write a lengthy post because I worry people will be put off and won’t read it. Something horrible happened to me and I’m basically looking for support from people who have gone through something similar. First of all I’d just like to say that like many people, I was already suffering from ptsd before this happened so this really isn’t something I needed at this point. I recently found out that the creep I dated for a few months last year was recording us secretly at his place with a spycam. It’s fair to say I was probably recorded whilst having sex with him since the camera was near his bed. There is an ongoing investigation (I reported him to the police) and all his tech has been sent to the lab for forensic analysis (could take weeks). However since we broke up almost a year ago and his spycam was no longer at his address, I worry they’ll find nothing, not because it doesn’t exist or because he deleted it but because he stashed everything somewhere else (like work or his parents’ house). Of course not only will I now have to wonder for the rest of my life if he can access this footage of me whenever he wants but I’ll also always wonder if it’s online. I’m a very private person and sex is sacred to me, also my body is my own. I can’t put into words how violated I feel, I want to die. If anyone has any trauma relating to voyeurism or revenge porn or similar, I’d love to chat. I feel really alone in how I’m feeling and I’m really worried about my mental health. I don’t know how I’ll ever get over this and I’m in my mid 30s. Thanks in advance 🤍",3 "I admit, I often feel towards woman my age or older. I often force myself to think about it (not sexually) in response to Homosexual or pedophilic intrusive thoughts. I have done this a lot recently to feel like I am keeping tight control over my orientation. I constantly fear that if I don't pushing away those Intrusive Thoughts, that I will have control over my orientation forcefully taken away. Does anyone else face a situation like this?",1 "I've been stuck in hyper vigilant mode after a bad episode last week. It's been 9 days and I still can't sleep more than a couple hours at a time. Any noise wakes me up completely into fight or flight. I'm getting really frustrated and depressed by this and I have no clue what to do about it. My PNP is out of the office and there aren't any covering providers with this place. I just really wanna sleep. I'm so tired that I'm starting to hallucinate a bit. Felt like venting, might go to the ER later. Ugh.",3 I’m so tired of trying to be part of a world that doesn’t want me in it. I hope I don’t wake up when I go to sleep tonight. What’s the point of waking up when I’ll never not be disabled? Or have a good job? Connections? Peers who understand what I’m trying to do with my life? Parents who think I’m competent? None of that shit will matter anymore if I sleep forever. Maybe it’s time to go.,2 "I decided to write this post partially because I'm stoned, and partially because as someone who loves to socialize with neurodiverse people, it bothers me when I see certain things from people in this community. So I'm going to complain about a few of them to whoever feels like reading this. A common thing I see in my fellow aspies which is openly admitted, is that a lot of us tend to only consider ourselves autistic if a doctor diagnoses us. I can't count how many neurodiverse people I've talked to who only recently realized they were autistic either by going a doctor or just recognizing similarities between themselves and autistic people. Yet so many of those people have stories of going to a doctor or psychiatrist a long time ago who didn't realize they were autistic, but instead diagnosed them with various mental disorders like CPTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, depression, etc. Women are rarely diagnosed at all, since many of us only found our we were autistic from misbehaving in school. Since boys have more of a reputation for being ""rambunctious"" than girls, if you don't get overstimulated enough to get in trouble at school, there's a good chance you'll never be diagnosed. So the better you are at controlling yourself, the less likely anyone else is to recognize your autistic traits. As someone who is both very autistic but very experienced socially, I decided to get a bunch of my friends to take the test at [rdos.net](https://rdos.net). If anyone knows of a better test please let me know, but it's very comprehensive and the questions seem fairly balanced. About half of the people I tested were somewhat on the spectrum, whether significantly so or whether they had both neurodiverse and neurotypical tendencies. Of course that's because it's a spectrum, a word many people use without considering what that means. I really wish as a community we could normalize the idea of asking if we may be autistic or not, instead of gatekeeping autism as if it's something that requires you to be low-functioning in order to be. No, I'm not saying ""we're all a little autistic"" and I dislike when people say that as well. But I was extremely low-functioning as a child, and learned to mask very well as an adult. And a lot of other people have as well. Autistic people don't tend to be very social, so we go through life thinking we're the only ones that feel the way we do. But there are way more people on the spectrum out there than the vast majority of us realize. Being able to mask better doesn't change the fact that they may be autistic. I get that life is hard for a lot of us including myself, but so many of us get obsessed with feeling sorry for ourselves to the extent that it keeps us from ever making things better.",3 "[Here's last week's Solitude Project Saturday](https://old.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/q9cs97/solitude_project_saturday_what_projects_are_you/) **So, /r/aspergers, what projects do you have on the go right now? Any ideas on the backburner for one reason or another? Any ideas just in the planning phase?** Even if you are working on them with someone else, they still apply here. If you can mention the interest that you have that relates to the project, that would be great; it may help others.",3 "My wife is a lot to handle for me. A few days ago during an argument she said ""I feel like I want a divorce."" A few days prior I had broken down crying because I never seem to be ""good enough."" She suggested maybe we should just be friends. We have been married 12 years and have a 5 yo son. I have fought through a lot. Discovered my Aspergers just a few months ago and started going to therapy. Still, my wife goes from telling me I'm making progress to telling me ""You just have never gotten me. You've never understood me."" She is not happy with our sex life. She says I don't talk enough. She says I've ""never"" flirted with her (seriously?!) And to top it off she said ""I wonder what would have happened if I wasn't basically forced to marry you"" (long story but that statement is complete bs. I proposed, she said yes. No gun to her head.) I have always opposed divorce. However, all of these things make me think the writing may be on the wall. I feel maybe I should end it, end the pain. Apparently ASD people don't often get married, and I might just be another example of why things don't tend to work out. No matter how hard I've tried, it has never been enough.",3 "21 F From September to November I had a OCD episode. I was extremely depressed, anxious and was having panic attacks almost everyday. All the while taking care of a loved one in hospice. I managed to balance my time but my attention was not fully on them. It was on my obsession. I couldn't shake it. Now it's December and my OCD has finally reeled back. Prozac saved my ass again. But yesterday I got the news that my loved one doesn't have long. And it made me sad. Then anger. Angry at myself for not enjoying the time I did have with her. Because I was so miserable from my OCD. It came back at the worst time of my life.",1 "I’ve been fighting severe depression for a couple of years now and I noticed my mood always seems to take a dive right before my period. This last cycle though, was really bad. All my motivation was gone and I could only get out of bed to binge eat, something that I haven’t done in months. I was “out” for two days and then my period started and my mood went back to where it was previously almost immediately. I was wondering if anyone else has dealt with the same problem also? Should I mention it to my psychiatrist? Because I always noticed the pattern but it’s never been so severe before. How do you deal with it? I’m kinda anxious about it happening again.",2 "The truth hurts, and it hurts more when your the one speaking it",2 I mean I personally go to come party’s/gatherings around certain holidays or family events as I’m kinda forced to. But other then that I have enjoyed most of them as they seem like just giant parties. Although there are some other “festivals” that are not themed around family that I’ve also not minded participating in. For instance some Mediterranean themed ones from places like Greece and Italy sound interesting and thus why I’d not mind joining a Roman/Hellenic club. What do you think personally?,3 "I'd like to participate more in a politics-themed Discord and talk to normies about the hot issues of the day. Many times I'll encounter two or three people, being observed by at least 8 or 9, talking through some issue. They'll make a few points, touch on a topic I have some interest in, and... they just keep on talking. Then the other fellow keeps talking. It feels like everything is happening too fast, and I have no idea how to interject. (Or even how to assess whether anyone WANTS to hear what I have to say!) **Ok, gang, what am I missing?** This is one manifestation of a situation I see play out in other situations such as family gatherings or some social events. I can't get a word in edgewise.",3 "cried in the shower yesterday realizing that since developing OCD, dealing with some pretty tough family stuff, having difficulties in my relationship, and dealing with all the stress that these things have caused me i just don't feel like myself anymore. i used to be this happy bubbly person who was ready for anything but now it's just so hard to see past all of the sadness and darkness i've been dealing with lately. mental compulsions literally rule my life and make everything so much harder. getting through a day is hard sometimes. i honestly have no friends either at the moment which isn't making it better. so posting this on this sub is my equivalent of telling a best friend lol. i just need some words of encouragement :)",1 "We share zero interests. We can talk about my life, but I have zero friends and have nothing going on. We can talk about your life, but a happy, fulfilling existence surrounded by loving people is completely foreign to me. We can talk about my job, but my job is pure torture and it upsets me to talk about it. Yes, I did get a degree, thanks for reminding me. No, I didn't get a job in my field so I had to settle for one where I'm severely underpaid and over qualified for. Yup, it's awkward now. Time for each of us to stare at the floor until one of us fakes a reason for needing to leave. You'll shuffle over to someone else that you find easier to make conversation with. I will crawl back to the dark cave I emerged from, wondering why I bothered trying to make things better again. Once again, making an effort didn't pay off. Story of my life. I should have locked myself away in my dark, tortured mind. I should have hidden away in a corner, but I chose to torture both you and me. I'm sorry. It's entirely my fault. I won't do it again.",2 "I started Straterra in Sept. 2020, when I got diagnosed at 19. Since then, I've had the normal side effects (constipation and hot flashes being the biggest ones). The other is that my resting heart rate went from ~65 bpm to ~90-100 bpm. Has anyone else had this issue? I'm getting an EKG this month to double check and make sure it's just the medication, but hearing if others have had this issue will help ease the anxiety.",0 "I recently got out of highschool and now studying life science in university. I used to take chemistry, biology and such back in highschool because my mom always told me how happy she'd be if I took those classes, so I did. My exam results for my highschool finals weren't the best but my mom did say that she's happy but I can feel how disappointed she actually is. So here we are now, I'm in university taking life science since that's what my mom wanted. It's what everyone around me suggested I take. It's almost the end of the first semester and I have my finals in 2 weeks. For the past 2 weeks I've been crying everyday and have been thinking about commiting suicide because I'm not happy here. I don't enjoy studying this and I don't want to spend the rest of my life stressing over assignments and exams about science. If I continue taking this course I'd just be wasting my time. I don't feel like I'm gonna fail, I know I'm gonna fail my 1st semester finals soon. I don't see the point in continuing this course if I get a shit GPA or fail most semesters. I just want to study something that doesn't stress me out and can provide me a job with decent income in the future. I've thought about dropping out everyday but I feel that my mom wouldn't accept it. She'd be disappointed. If I told her how depressed I've been feeling she'd probably tell me to go pray to god. When I told her I'm gonna have my exams in 2 weeks, she simply replied with how proud she and how she knows that I'm such a hard worker. Reading that brought me pain because little did she know I just tried to unalive myself 5 minutes ago. I talked to a few friends about this in the past few days and they do help. But I only feel okay for a few hours. By the end of the day, I start to cry again. At this point, I don't know what to do",2 "I can barely even fucking write this right now so sorry for any mistakes but. My mom basically got a call from the cop assigned to my case and she is making me go to an interview, refusing to give me the cop’s number so I can ask if it’s legally requested and if I bring it up my mom tells me to “hush” or gives me the silent treatment, I don’t want to testify for many reasons, some are: - my abuser was a trans woman/enby of color, they won’t be treated fairly - I believe the US justice system is glorified slavery - kids shouldn’t be in jail - I don’t want them to have to go back (I know it’s fucked up, I don’t know okay) - gangs and stuff... I really don’t want to trigger a whole paranoia thing please - it’s something else I don’t have control over. The idea of going by myself to sit in a room with a stranger and relive that shit doesn’t exactly appeal to me, and it’s not like I have anyone who will support me through this (my fault — I couldn’t open up to anyone who cares about me lol) - I am terrified of victim blaming or people saying I’m exaggerating or all the other shit that happens when things are reported - And the main issue: I can’t fucking talk about it. I cannot. I haven’t started that part with my therapist, I haven’t said this shit out loud, I’m not sure I’ve processed it, I used to say to myself I’d rather kms than talk about what happened (still true I guess). And I feel like it would be a really, really bad idea to say everything (it was a relationship) all at once under that pressure when I don’t feel ready. I don’t feel supported at all. I’m a teenager, JUST at the age where I believe some of the children’s protections go away. I just... I can’t fucking do this, I can’t talk about it, I can’t be forced to go do this thing, I can’t do this right now, I can’t get better without support, I don’t know I just. Don’t feel okay I guess. Disclaimer: I’m safe, I just needed to get this out I guess because I’m really scared. Edit: oh my, this is a giant mess of words so thank you to anyone who read all the way through, and I’m really sorry for this mess of a post lol",3 "I’ve read that figuring out our ‘core fear’ that our obsessions all come back to is key to recovery. I think my core fear must be losing the current life I have and having to go back to my old life, as all my worst case scenarios end in me losing my job and therefore having to leave my city and all my friends. Because I either worry I’ll be seriously ill and won’t be able to work or I’ll be ostracised from society for some sort of mistake. Has anyone else looked at their core fears and found this helpful?",1 "I am a male (25) (ftm if we want to get into it) survivor of sexual assault. The first time I was assaulted was by a woman who got very angry that I was a closeted gay and trans man. The other time was when my former ex forced me to participate in his pregnancy fetish (looking back in it I do think he wanted to get me pregnant so he could make me a girl). Since these two assaults I have just recently noticed that I am hyper vigilant during sex, to the point where I cannot connect with my fiancé and partner of four years this way. Is there any advice for me to work on this? I plan on bringing this up with my therapist soon as we both agreed I need to start trauma therapy ASAP.",3 Some songs really does help me sometimes. Especially the meteora and hybrid theory albums of Linkin Park.,1 "Hi, gonna clear up first that I’m a minor, 14. But hhh so uh, I’m into Pokémon, especially the anime. I think it’s… cool and I really don’t give a shit what anyone says, it’s a stupid show that I like and it’s so stupid it’s funny and I like the characters. But I’m starting to believe liking the characters is becoming a problem. Idk what anyone would know about Pokémon here, but I’ll try to explain it the best I can. So basically I like,, I have a measly crush on ash and yeah haha so funny laugh I know, it’s fucking stupid. And, yknow, it’s just a stupid crush on a fictional character, it shouldn’t be a big deal really. But I think as of maybe last year or so I’ve started to have… bad intrusive thoughts about not just ash, but any characters in general. (A majority of Pokémon anime characters being minors.) the intrusive thoughts I have are um,,. s*xual most of the time and it makes me feel goddamn fucking awful. Like I feel bad about liking ash as it is, as far as I know he’s 10 and has been for the past 25 years. I fucking hate myself and the fact that I have these thoughts about these characters which should never be thought of. I don’t want to think of these things, believe me if I had a choice I definitely wouldn’t. I’m starting to believe that I’m a p*dophile. I don’t wanna think of these things anymore, I’m so tired of it. These characters are children and it makes me feel filthy whenever one of these thoughts pops into my mind. Yeah, I like ash and he’s a comfort character but thinking these things about him (as well as other characters like I said) makes me feel fucking terrible. I feel bad enough about the crush as it is, I don’t need this adding onto it. Another worry is that, what happens when I’m 18 and a legal adult? Will I still like him? Will I still have these thoughts? Will they have gotten worse? Because at that point, if I’m not already, I will genuinely be a p*dophile. I’ve talked to some friends about this and one just said it’s normal, that I’m just curious. I don’t think that’s the case, there’s nothing to be curious about. I’m a kid who’s grown up on the Internet, I’ve seen things by now. I know what things look like, there’s nothing to wonder or to be curious about. I’m really starting to hate myself and feel sick about myself, this isn’t normal. I already struggle enough with being “normal”, I don’t need this to make it worse. Deep down, I know I don’t want to think about this. I know I’m not thinking about it on purpose, but that doesn’t stop me from getting these god awful fucking images in my mind that makes me want to gouge out my eyes with a fork. Does anyone else have similar issues? If anyone can help or if you have advice, it would be greatly appreciated. I’m having a rough time and I have been for a while, I just kinda pushed the thoughts aside. It didn’t help tho, it would be so bad to the point where it would keep me up at night and I would start crying, eventually taking a trazidone or two because it just would not let me sleep. If you read this far, thank you. Advice is appreciated",1 I get annoyed easily and I hate that about myself. I'm scared that I have anger issues. I don't take my anger out on people but some times I call someone out for doing something annoying without thinking about how it could make them feel and I'm scared that makes me a bad person,1 "Anyone else in here are suffering from neglect ptsd? Never had a talk with someone who does. I find it very hard dating women and having a healthy relationship because of my neglect ptsd. I would appreciate hearing some of your stories as I’m giving up on my self lately and I have no one to share experiences with.",3 "My marriage is crashing down and I’ve been kicked out effectively (I could “legally” stay in the home but it would hurt my kids). I broke it, I didn’t do the work I said I was doing to become a better father and partner. I have no one else to blame. The problem is that I feel so broken down by my STBX right now that I feel I have no where to turn. I know I’ve hurt her deeply, but it feels like she’s trying to punish me now. Not acknowledging my depression and internal issues has stopped me from making new friends outside of work for about 6 years now, so there are no couches to crash on. I had a panic attack after realizing our money situation this morning, long story short I’m not sure what to about a place to stay until I can cash out my 401k and get into an apartment or something. I had a lot to do today but I feel too broken to face any of it, including getting food right now. Fuck depression. I’m trying so hard to hang on for a little while but honestly I’m just not sure where to go right now.",2 "\*edited, because I felt like it was too spam-y and it was my first post here. I'm super stressed about the job search for after college and I need help thinking about some ADHD-friendly jobs since I am unable to move back home. What did y'all end up doing once you were on your own? Any suggestions or advice?",0 "For me, masking in school started when I was 11 years old. I had been watching all the other kids in school and was so confused by their ability to sit still, not ""stim"", not make any noise, even the way they smoothly walked and hung their arms. I decided I had to try to copy everyones body language or everyone would see I was ""weird"". No matter how hard I tried, it never worked. Then at home that same year, I remember realizing ""im different than everyone. i like making weird voices and sounds, muttering under my breath, being silly, no desire to be ""macho/manly/tough"".. I called it my magic and I remember the day I told myself ""If you want to stop getting bullied at home and school you have to turn the magic off"" now that im an adult thats sad as fuck to look back on. I acquired better social skills and charisma, I can usually be loved by everyone in the room, I do stand up comedy to let the weirdness out. but i cant help but think what I would be like if my personality had been embraced and encouraged rather than stifled and shamed.",3 "Does anyone notice that their medication (assuming it is a stimulant) makes them more prone to please other people and be polite? For example, consider two situations: 1. Before medication: If a room is messy, you don't care and just assume that another person will clean it. 2. After Medication: if a room is messy, you immediately start to clean it until it is to your satisfaction. While the second scenario might be beneficial/advantageous in some cases, it may make people walk over you more. I have noticed this. Has anyone noticed this as a result of taking stimulant medication?",0 "Asd Anxiety Injury Covid situation All working tty defeat me Who's having a better or worse month?",3 "Ok here it goes. My trauma happened when I was 6 so this goes back a while. I would pretend I was someone else even pretend that my environment would change, but I knew that it would be weird to act those thoughts out so I did it all in my head, it helped I am an introvert. I think that is normal for young kids but I did it untill I got my nephew a little while ago I am 33 now I just checked out. Please, can anyone tell me what that is. I've tried to Google it but it just talks about DID but what I did was completely different",3 "My daughter is diagnosed with obvious stims. I'm undiagnosed with many traits but no stims I'm aware of. I do quite often push my long hair up into a ponytail or take it out and do it again. Throughout the course of a conversation. I'm just curious of other adult's experience with stimming.",3 "24F: All my life, I did well in school. I was in gifted programs in high school. I got into a top university and then I struggled. But I attributed my struggles to wanting to experience life (I was pretty nerdy before college) and losing interest in what I was passionate about previously. I never would have assumed I had adhd, because when I thought of it all I can think of is someone super hyperactive or someone who can’t follow simple conversations etc. I didn’t want to give up on my academic goals so I started a masters program recently that I’m super serious about exceeding in. And that’s when I started realizing no matter how much I wanted to study and watch lectures, I just couldn’t. A two hour lecture took me 6+ hours to get through because it’s so dense. Someone who didn’t fit any of the stereotypes told me they have adhd and so might I. The whole time I was going through the process of getting diagnosed, I knew it could fit what I’m experiencing but a part of me felt like I was coming up with excuses. Something to hang my frustrations on and blame my short comings on. And I sincerely believed that if I had it, it would be something borderline. So I was shocked when I found out I have combined adhd but that my add is super bad. On the cognitive attention testing portions I consistently scored in the bottom 8 percent. I’m relieved, that I stuck through with the process and didn’t cancel appointments even though the whole world said I don’t have it. It validates my struggles. But I’m having a hard time processing how poorly I did. I mean, I was in gifted programs, I score the average on exams as other students (I just can’t score higher because I can’t get myself to study efficiently), I just don’t understand what it’s saying about me. It’s creating this tension inside of me. On the other hand, I try think of the positives. That once I get put on medication I’ll be able to perform to my full potential and that excites me. But I’m scared. I’ve realized that all those personality traits I attributed to myself could be because of my adhd. So where does it end and I begin? Who am I without adhd? Will the medications change me? I feel validated that No I’m not lazy, No I’m not unmotivated etc but I get scared that I’ll no longer be fun, funny, optimistic, extroverted etc. I worry about peoples perceptions of me. I don’t think having an adhd diagnosis as a bad thing or that it means your stupid but I’m starting to realize it might be naive to believe everyone is that well Informed. Or that people might not have biases, including medical school admissions if I disclosed. It’s just a lot and I’m getting overwhelmed to say the least. I am happy though that I have found this community.",0 "I've been severely depressed for the last 2,5 years. It became 10x worse when my live-in boyfriend of the time dumped me via text, while we'd been talking about going on holiday the day before...I was shattered. I hadn't seen it coming and I truly love(d) him. Unfortunately, he has refused to speak to me or have anything to do with me since. We've never even spoken about why he wanted to break-up. The only thing he did was make a list of all the things that were my fault (aka Every Little Thing). I was raised in an unstable home. I haven't spoken to my dad in 6 years, and I guess he doesn't miss me either. He has ignored me since I was a child. This week my mom told me my dad raped her repeatedly when they were married. I have barely slept since. I knew my dad was a nasty person, but I didn't know he was a disgusting criminal. I hate him so much and just want to hurt him, make him feel our pain. My mom doesn't want to talk about anything anymore. I guess it hurts her and I understand, but I'm so sick of holding everything in so I don't hurt others. My mother is the most important person in my life, but it seems like we can't talk about anything anymore. I feel so lonely, I don't have a support system. I haven't seen or spoken to anyone all week. And I don't know if any of these things makes sense, but I'm suffering so much and I just want it to stop. I feel like I've tried everything: medication, therapies, in-patient care etc. and absolutely nothing's worked. I think the best thing for me would be to die. I am a 32 year-old woman and I have lost almost everything that mattered to me. The issue is I can't trust people anymore and that's why can't keep on living. I'm so stuck. The only thing I ever wanted was to start my own family, but depression and trauma have shattered this dream. I just don't know how to get through the day anymore😥",2 "Is there a consensus (ideally based on evidence) whether it is more optimal to use occasional breaks in medication usage? I got prescribed Vyvanse a few weeks ago, and I've been reading how a lot of people take a day or two off a week to avoid developing a tolerance. On my prescription bottle, it does say to take it once daily. Is there a consensus for what is generally recommended? What has worked best for you?",0 "Hi all, I am writing this rather embarrassing post because its something I really hate about myself that I want to finally change - I'm hoping I'm not alone here and maybe someone else has had success with this. As long as I can remember I've always indulged in minor forms of self-harm, I guess as a coping mechanism for my stress. Things like twisting and pulling my hair (I did this so much as a child I had a small bald spot that my mother pointed out in jest at a family party and I literally crawled under the table to escape the family and their howling laughter at it), but I've since moved on to gnawing my hands and fingers. I've done this since about age 15 (I'm 30 now) and my hands can only be described as ""mildly mutilated"". I chew the tips of my fingers until they bleed sometimes, and have other callused parts of my hands that I just can't stop chewing on. I've noticed I do this subconsciously, especially when I'm stressed out (which tbh is most of the time). Does anyone have a similar struggle and know what I can do to kick this habit? Sorry for the gross topic... Thank you in advance!",3 "I, found this topic (PTSD), carried a fair amount of stigma, especially with Family/Friends. This being due to the fact they did not know or could not be bothered to understand what it is. It is an ailment that I suffer and have done for years and struggled to come to terms with until I opened up. My way of acceptance and coming to terms was through Councillors, over the years, because they made me see that I was no different to anyone else. I learnt my triggers and their management. BUT! The biggest acceptance was being open and telling Family/Friends. If they did not wish to believe me, that was their problem. However I knew I was open and honest. I am lucky in that I do have some who understand and that gives me confidence to continue. I’m never 100% well in myself, and never will be. I am normally in a good headspace even at times of ups and downs. I manage without medication which I pride my self on. It’s not easy I will add. In closing I would like to say, I have never gone public like this until today, and will admit this has not been easy to put together and post. Finally I wish all of you the strength to continue as there is good at the end. Thank you.",3 I can't see future. I'm stuck in this lonely house with pills in my mouth everyday and the only thing i do is sleeping.,2 "There's an animation called [Contretemps](https://youtu.be/ot9DnkGP6Gg) by Gobelins, about a woman suffering from OCD and social phobia. It's beautifully animated and conveys the terrors of ocd better than many other animations/art projects I've seen. The video is in French, so remember to put on subtitles!",1 "I live with my dad and he has severe OCD. He’s actually a hoarder and is very controlling. I’m recently out of college and living with my dad because I just got a job in a new city and I’m saving to afford my own apartment. I’ve only been at my job for a month now and I wanted to save money for at least a few months. But my dad is so controlling that I cannot talk on the phone to anyone, as soon as he returns from work I immediately have to hang up the phone otherwise I will have to deal with his questions of who I am speaking with and what I was speaking about and how long I was speaking to them on the phone. He’s also a hoarder, think of the tv show, it’s actually that bad, his home smells like rotting food, he has molded food in his refrigerator. It’s true that I often stay in my room because it’s the only clean place. I‘ve never been afraid of my dad but now I am. He’s been outside of my door waiting for me to come out. I fell asleep and woke up to a text from him demanding that I come out of my room and talk with him and I’m too afraid to even get out of bed. I’m not sure what to do. A few days ago I caught him going through my trash and he’s even opened my mail.",1 "Hi. I get big help from keeping most of the things I need to remember in my Google calendar. A big calendar widget on my home screen makes it so it's easy to use and see. And my smart watch having notifications is even better. 10 minutes before a class or meeting star my watch reminds me. Giving me time to prepare to switch tasks. But 10 minutes can be to long, if I don't need to walk there and such it's easy to just stay on the computer and miss the start anyway. Is it possible to get reminders at both 10 minutes and 1 minute for the same event in some calendar apps? Any recommendations?",0 "Ok so one day I got horny and decided to play this porn game. However the game made you do some rapey stuff like sleeping sex and etc and now I feel weird about it cos it's a game so I'm like it's not real so It doesent matter. I've stayed away from that game now cos i just feel weird about it. Am i overthinking this. It's a sex game. Or am i rlly a bad person. I have ocd so it makes it 10x worse and makes me feel like I'm idk a rapist or something cos I did those actions in a game. P.s. I am 16",1 "So I'm a 23-year-old male who is about to start grad school at the beginning of next month. This would be fine, however, my parents have sold our house and we're in the final phase of moving out of it. After we sell it, we'll be staying in a nearby town for a few days as a vacation before my brother and I move into a house near my campus where we'll be living with the person who owns it while my parents stay at my grandparents' cottage until next year where they plan for all of us to move down to Florida. This situation is very stressful for me and I find myself getting more and more depressed with each passing day. Each day I'm reminded that soon I won't be living in this house I lived in all my life and I can never return to it. I remember how a lot of the things I used to do I can never do again. Even though my parents will be staying at my grandparents' cottage, I feel homeless since I don't have the home I'm familiar with. I'm scared of living with someone I barely know and if I can manage living with him and my brother (who is very uncooperative and almost always keeps to himself). I've been told by my therapist (who I can't see anymore) and parents to try to find it exciting since I can have new experiences, but I don't find it exciting. I hate how my life is changing, but I know I'm powerless to stop it.",3 "I live in a pretty isolated lil place and making friends is really difficult right now. I have a boyfriend but its a long distance relationship which honestly is great for me right now, we met on vrchat and its been really good but today i got a haircut and the place was small and there was only one stylist and just my mom and me in there and it was perfect and really comfortable, and i was able to talk to the stylist comfortably and it made me really happy. But it makes me want to be so much more sociable than i am. I just cant handle more than one person at a time but i really want to have a friend to talk to. vrchat is even difficult for me, mostly everybody on there is already in groups. With the pandemic too, its been even harder. I just moved away from the city only recently. Theres hardly anyone my age here that i relate to. I dont really like the things people my age like, for instance, tiktok? I really cant understand it or things like it and it makes me feel really detached not being able to relate to anyone, its part of why I moved because ive never felt like i could relate to those things. It would be really nice to make friends in person but i have no idea how. All my previous friendships have been rather surface level too, and the other persons interests always overtake mine and I always do what they like and talk about what they like. Ive masked my whole life and after being this isolated ive come out of my shell a bit and i try to be myself more but it feels like it doesnt matter because no one is around to see it. on top of this ive been really stuggling with my eating disorder more than ever, i get so absorbed in it sometimes ill just sit thinking about food. Im really thin now and my family always makes comments about it. Sometimes i wish i could have a friend to take me out of my head. How did you guys make friends in person, or do you guys have friends? I hope you all are doing well too",3 "I’m going back on Straterra after having tried the generic by Rising Pharmaceuticals (based in NJ). My experience was being very sleepy but I only tried it for a week instead of the recommended 4-8 weeks. Has anyone had any other generics? Is there one you favor vs brand Strattera? Given the price point of the brand med I will be sticking to generics, just wanted to see if anyone noticed anything!",0 " I thought it would be about how to handle the rest of the world, advice on handling overstimulation, and raising more positive awareness on our condition. But instead it's just filled with people ranting about how the rest of the world doesn't understand them/hate them, how painful it is to live with Apserger's, how you guys hate when someone compliments you or calls you ""gifted"" and venting on how someone made fun of them today. You guys get offended when someone tries to be positive and calls Asperger's a ""superpower"", but you also get offended when someone calls it a ""disability"". Everytime someone like Kyle Hill releases a video trying to spread a positive message, someone responds with another video saying ""Well, actually, it's hell"" You guys demonize characters that make NT more familiar with our condition like Sheldon Cooper, Newt Scamander and Dr. Shaun saying ""Ah, they're not realistic enough!"" I sometimes can't tell if you guys want society to accept you or take pity on you. There's just no pleasing you.",3 "Hey, Never saw myself to be in this position I currently am but at the very least can say I am in a 1,000% better place than I was about 9 months ago. I just turned 24, and growing up, I never had any noticeable or diagnosable mental health issues. Pretty normal childhood, no serious trauma that I could link anything to or anything like that. I always considered myself pretty easy going, I'm really like ultra political or charged up about anything serious really. When covid hit, I was 22. Had a solid job that I didn't love but was engaging enough to keep my occupied. I liked the people I worked with and felt grateful to be able to still have my job while a lot of people I knew were getting laid off or struggling to find jobs. As I mentioned before, I'm not too political so the hyper-charged political environment of the time leading up to the election didn't bother me too much. My take on covid was that it really sucks where the worlds at right now. I'm going to take it seriously, wear a mask, take precautions to stay away from vulnerable people, but at the end of the day I'm a pretty healthy 22 year old, if I get covid, it'll suck for 2 weeks and I'll be fine. Ultimately, I got covid in November of 2020. The 2 week quarantine period was fine for me. I felt a little groggy and tired but no serious physical symptoms. But then, on December 6th, my life really flipped. I started experiencing my first OCD symptoms of not being able to bounce off of my intrusive thoughts like I've been able to do my entire life. I didn't understand what it was at the time, I just knew something wasn't right mentally. December 2020 was really a blur. I thought going home for the holidays would help boost me back into normalcy but I just remember having intrusive thoughts nonstop and not understanding how or why. In January I knew I had to reach out for help. Started talking to a therapist who referred me to a psychologist who pretty quickly diagnosed me with OCD. A couple months of exposure therapy and an antidepressant and I'm feeling way more like myself than I have in months which I'm happy and thankful for. I'm not 100% pre-covid myself, but every day I feel closer to that point and who knows, maybe one day I'll snap back into my normal life again and this will all be a weird memory (though I'm not banking on that). Ultimately, I just wanted to write this for 2 reasons. 1. Life's not over. Nothings permanent and there's avenues for help. You really can't ever think you're in this alone. 2. See if anyone else had similar experiences of no prior mental health issues and a fight with covid sparked that.",1 "I woke up exhausted but determined to make this post because I'm at the end of my rope. Instead I browsed Reddit for another hour and 10 minutes. I'm sorry, this won't matter to anyone else other than me, but I need it to exist somewhere outside of myself. I'm so, so tired of fighting my own brain for my own well-being. I work from home as a concept artist. I have work lined up and deadlines to hit. I've had two weeks were barely anything got done. I'm in an LDR with the most wonderful person, and NEED to save money for an international move a few months down the line. I live in a country where the money I can make on my job if I even work for a couple of hours a day can mean I can put aside a LOT of savings. If I want this relationship to work out AND get my life on track I NEED to get this done. I was so determined to make October my month. I was gonna get started! Just 3 hours every day. Most people work for 8 in my country and don't have the potential to make the living I can. It's been four days of dread, constant procrastination and compulsive gaming and youtube. I feel so ashamed and tired. I'm done with this. This is my pledge. Just 3 hours. 3 pure work hours. I'll start today. Then tomorrow. Then a week. Then the month. I'm going to finish cleaning up. I did my dishes, now I just have to tidy my desk, change the cat litter and sweep. That's it. And then I'll draw. I'll draw the sketches my Art Directors have been waiting on. I have my dream job, my clients are amazing, I can't throw this away. Literally the only thing standing in my way is myself. ​ If even one person reads this, I promise you I'll get this done. I don't care who you are, but in my head, you hold me accountable. Because right now I think of myself as a lazy moron, but I don't want to be a liar on top of that too. ​ 0ct. 4 \-I'll clean my home \-I'll do my 3 hours (and if I struggle, I won't open apps or watch things, I'll meditate for a few minutes and get back on track) \-Make my environment better and eliminate distractions for the me tomorrow ​ Sorry for the hassle, I hope you have a good day. ​ \[EDIT\]: You guys are sweethearts and I appreciate you so much but also please don't make assumptions! I'm medicated and break down my tasks already. I'm just in a REALLY hard spot concentration wise, likely because of stress. (And yes I shouldn't be here, will reply to stuff after I'm done with work, I only did the cleaning so far aaaaaa)",0 "For me ptsd feels like I my old self died and I have not found a new self. My body is extremely irritated all the time, I'm anxious, confused, distracted in thought, don't enjoy things I used to. It's a real hellstorm shitty part is people just leave or you leave. I for example get panic at work or shopping so I try to stay home as much as possible sounds fucked but I don't remember feeling like I'm the only person or is there a person living inside myself Feeling like I don't love people or it's hard to feel connected to anyone, boyfriend etc... Drinking or using medication to calm my body down when I can't breath I just want to know how it's going for other people ? Feeling lost here Thx",3 I am failing to forget someone and accept that they are gone. I feel suicidal and had several suicide attempts in the past. Tried moving on but i can't.. i still love her..,2 "Hello ADHD fellows. I'm 38yo and recently diagnosed with ADHD Inattentive type I don't know why it took me so long to get it looked after, but here we are. Just starting treatment with Strattera. There's 2 big 'buckets' of struggles I'm dealing with in life, and I feel both may be related to ADD, I'm sharing to hear people's thoughts of similar experiences. 1/WORK: I lost my job in advertising 4 years ago because I wasn't able to perform anymore at that senior level. Things were moving too fast, i wasn't dotting the i's and crossing the t's, had issues working in group settings, etc. often feeling tired and brain fogged. Today I am just working a temp job that is 'safe' for me and under my pay grade, but have not had the courage yet to truly try to put myself out there doing a job closer to my degree of experience and education. I have a low self-image and procrastinate over finding a new, better job. I hate it when people ask me what I do for a living, because I feel lost and ashamed. 2/LOVE LIFE: this is the one that to me, feels the most overwhelming one. Not that it matters, but I'm a gay man and have only had a few real crushes in my life. First when I was 16 I fell in love with a neighbor who was straight. This was purely platonic however my obsession with him completely took over my life and changed my personality at the time. It was a very intense experience for me. At the age of 23, I met my first real boyfriend in Barcelona. He ended up moving to another country after being together for a year, we broke up and I could not forget him. This is probably the first memory I have of this excruciating, overwhelming pain that sucked the life out of me. I sought for help with counseling and my life remained manageable, but for 4 years I was unable to open up to anyone emotionally because I was still in love with that man. Fast forward to 2012-2021. I moved to NYC and met a guy who I med head over heels in love with. We went on a few dates, then he disappeared. He became unavailable but I was hooked on him. Eventually about a year later, we decided to give it a chance and were actually together for a year. It was a rocky relationship with quite a lot of arguing, but still i loved him and always wanted to make it work. We broke up in November 2014 and it seems like the obsession for him only grow from then onwards. I felt like getting back together with him was my ownly goal in life. I started losing my interest in regular hobbies, isolated from friends, also started feeling really miserable at work which ended in 2 lay offs. Which made me feel even more ashamed and inferior to him. I tried attending sex & love addicts anonymous meetings which brought some solace. I'm also been trying to educate myself on the possibility of him having a narcissistic personality disorder who preys on people like me. All of this just to say, I feel for years this romantic obsession has been eating away at my identity and I keep hoping for another chance, of for things to work out in the future... I wonder why it is that 'normal' people find it easier to just move on from one person to another, or at least when they are disrespected in a relationship, they keep their self pride and move on. The latter may be a separate issue, but I was just curious to hear of there other ADHD'ers who struggle with romantic obsession, and of course I'm hoping that maybe when I treat the ADHD, the obsession becomes more manageable too... Sending good vibes to everyone!",0 "I got infected recently and I don't really want to go through it again, its awful to say the least. I believe I got it because I need to touch my face all the time, there's no mask for me that doesn't itch, well not just itches, it's way more that that, a lot of times I feel like having a meltdown in public because of it :(",3 "so i was diagnosed w ocd but still unsure of what subtype. i’ve no known obsessions or compulsions. however, recently i can’t stop thinking about how i just want to clean every surface that is usually in contact such as my phone, wallet, airpods, door handles. i started cleaning / sanitising my phone, wallet, airpods abs even my own glasses because i use them often. see, i have this thing where like if i go out, when i come home, i HAVE to shower. so, it’s like becoming a thing for me now to want to clean all the items i use. i don’t know if this will become an obsession, i do know i’ve been ruminating over this. i have therapy tmr, should i tell her about this?",1 "Just wondering what are the ways to increase motivation and deal with ADHD symptoms on a daily basis when you don't have an access to medication ? I live in a country where adult ADHD diagnosis is still a controversial one and psychiatrists don't really want to treat it with medication. So I basically was told that I seem to have it, but no one is going to help me with it here. I don't really know what to do anymore, hoped someone has some advice here.",0 I just felt like I couldn’t share any sympathetic thoughts at all because I myself feel miserable because of my depression. I haven’t talked to him or sent a comforting message at all and today is the funeral and I have to see him.,2 "I've always suspected my panic attack disorder was more, but it still feels surreal hearing the diagnosis for the first time. A simple label can really make you analyze your life. I suffer trauma from a family member assaulting my daughter, being in a mentally abusive marriage during my teen years (wife was double my age and manipulated me), and suffering a near death experience from a meth overdose that caused severe psychosis. If you guys want to share your trauma here, feel free. If not, let me know how your doing.",3 "Has anyone actually tried hiring a personal assistant for help in planning and managing life and personal and out of work tasks? If so please let me know or maybe you have buddy or someone that is helping you? Paying someone $10-20 an hour explain them exactly what you need, for example help you plan a week based on what you want to accomplish, have a review mid week, and daily have 5-10 min communications of updating you on your tasks and time allocation, and whether we can adjust it. I feel like this would save me time and a lot of stress and potentially keep me little bit more organised? what do you think? ",0 i want to die so bad it would be so much easier. what’s a good job for people with high anxiety anyways,2 "I was diagnosed with General anxiety disorder & OCD about 7 years ago and have been on Citalopram. I have tried Zoloft & Efexor but this works the best just not good enough. I'm always assuming the worst outcome possible. For example, my mother has COPD (Lung disease) and I worry a lot about her dying from covid. Our apartment had a flood and I worry we are gonna get poisoned by black mold. Things like this. I was just wondering what has helped you guys that have these thoughts? Thank you!",1 "I’ve had ptsd for a few years now (more specifically c-ptsd) and I’ve noticed something kind of strange that I can’t find anything about online. Whenever I get triggered by something I feel the need to do things like scrunch up/tense my shoulders, roll my neck, crack my knuckles, or sometimes scrunch up my face or something. When I do it it feels like I’m sort of channeling all that tenseness and anxiety into whatever I’m physically doing and it’s kinda like a release of all that stuff. And if I don’t do it I just get more and more triggered and anxious. What’s up with that? Would it be considered a tic? Or more like a stim because it’s technically voluntary and not doing it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable? I’ve looked up anxiety tics before but I don’t think that’s what this is, it’s more like I’m trying to release pent up energy rather than something that just happens involuntarily. Does anyone else do this?",3 I had an insect fly into my eye and insects trigger my contamination OCD and now I’m desperately trying to ignore the compulsion to put sanitiser my eye. How can I fight this?,1 "everything is so tough now. i have no friends, so i lay in bed and sleep to forget about not having anyone. i don't even get up to do my basic needs. doing my homework is so tiring but i get so scared at the same time because i'm not doing it. i take medication and it doesn't work. i go to therapy and she only teaches me how to wash my hands(OCD). it makes me feel so pathetic, everyone my age is having fun and making memories, whereas i can't even remember/ nor care to know the date. im in hell",2 "I picked up my last prescription on October 22. I went through a rough patch and didn’t take my pills for a few weeks. Because of that I haven’t had to pick up a new bottle and it’s now December 7. I’m a bit worried and wondering if I should just pick up a refill. Like can it get taken away for not taking it as im prescribed (daily)?",0 "Is it common that people with scrupulosity exaggerate things when they seek reassurance? Perhaps adding twists to their questions to be “absolutely certain”? If so, I would imagine this stems from cognitive distortions. Curious if anyone else experienced this.",1 "Never really had anyone to talk to about this so I thought I’d get advice here,I don’t even know if I have ptsd ive had my fair share of childhood trauma and being held at gun point a few times (I live in a reallly shitty neighborhood)but this incident is really fucking with my head ,about a year or so I got involved in a shooting ,someone broke into my house with a gun (god knows what they could’ve done to me and my family )but I opened fire on him and struck him in multiple places(it was a justified shooting never had any legal action take place against me,was only detained not arrested ) ,he was hit in the chest multiple times and once in the head ,but he was still semi conscious as the shot to the head cracked his skull but wasn’t fatal,I can’t get the images out of my head or his last words out of my head ,he was basically saying help me and that he didn’t want to die ,but it was all distorted/gasping , I think he was hit in the lung as well,and he started twitching /seizing I don’t know what word to use ,I can’t get this night out of my head,I can’t unsee his brains leaking and him bleeding and twitching on the floor ,I can’t even properly sleep anymore as every dream I have is about that night or what could’ve happened that night if I didn’t shoot.I never wanted this to happen:(((but I was even more afraid of what they could’ve done to me or my family.I don’t really have anyone I could talk to about this as all my friends distanced themselves from me after this Any advice would be appreciated,should I seek therapy ?or would this be a waste of theres and my time",3 "So I am notorious for losing things or forgetting them somewhere. I have worked a lot to combine things in order to be less likely to lose them (iPhone, Apple Wallet, Physical Card Holder on Phone Case), much less likely to leave wallet at home and have to turn around 15 minutes into errands to grab said wallet. I have been looking at ways to organize my life (I am a listmaker with 25 post-it notes on my desk with 3 failed attempts at a written journal or planner and a marker board with tasks 3 months old) and stumbled upon the bullet journal method. I love the idea of one place to keep everything, like an adult Trapper Keeper. So long story short how do y’all who use bullet journals remember to take them everywhere. I know I need to both write things down but also be sure to find them again.",0 "I am curious to know which symptoms everyone experience so we can releate to each other. How do you know you have PTSD? Have you been diagnosis or you diagnosis yourself? ​ \- I experience Flash backs and inustive thoughts releated to this topic. \- fatigue to do normal tasks What about you how you react?",3 Everyone would social distance but because of covid😃,3 "Sorry about the tag, I didnt really know which one to put, or even if I should've just done a connected update on my last post. Basically, I've been having anxiety all day long, and it has been pretty nasty to deal with. I talked to my mom today, and we finally got around to talking about this issue. We've talked before, but today I was upfront about wanting to get an official evaluation, and receive treatment. She basically said to set up an appointment, and to ask for a specific doctor. I'm nervous about it. The last time I had the opportunity to get medication for my anxiety, I said no bc I was afraid of how it might make me feel. Would I end up feeling like a zombie? But, my mom basically said that if the doctor was good, we'd find something that works for me personally.. I'm still having anxious jitters, but its not as bad. Something I am worried about is what to say when they ask what the issue is. I always get nervous and forget half the reason I actually went to the doctor. (Ex: I go bc I have a cough and fever, but I only remember the cough bc my throat hurts.) Should I make a list, or would that seem like I just went on WebMD?",3 "My life is a mess. I am so close to quitting everyday. I have never been this low since I started this new job.. it’s only been a 3-5 months so idk if that means I shouldn’t be doing it by now or if it’s just my depression lying to me 😩 but when I get depressed it’s dangerously low… this job was so hard to get and took a lot of money / time 🙁 the traveling is exhausting. The being away from my bf and cat & having to drive in the snow 3 hours to the airport and only have an on call schedule is so hard… My fam likes it cuz it separates me from my bf which they don’t like. It sucks & I am so overwhelmed.. Weed is legal in my state & it’s the only thing keeping me from being terribly off the deep end but if I get random drug tested I’ll get automatically fired… So maybe I’m unconsciously sabotaging myself.. I can’t tell if it’s my mind or if I am just truly unhappy & not ready for this change 😩 any advice is helpful…",2 "I have just started counselling for PTSD, and one of the most surprising things I learned was that it doesn’t have to be one event to cause PTSD, but exposure to a series of traumatic events which, left unchecked, can be the cause. I think this has been the case for me, I was a Police Officer for nearly 20 years and was exposed to numerous events such as murders, suicides, fatal road crashes and horrific sexual offences. It was always the way that we would just “deal with it”, and never fully acknowledge our own mental health, which in my case has deteriorated over the last year (of course Covid hasn’t helped, it has given me more time to dwell on things). Thankfully I have started a series of talking therapies, with which I can already feel the benefits and helping me to properly understand my condition and process triggers and flashbacks better. You are not alone folks, sending love",3 "Background: I was diagnosed only a year or two ago and for the longest time my “why is it so hard to do things” symptom was just chalked up to depression, which I’ve known about since my teens. Last month was really good - I was taking my meds regularly, I was getting things done, and although I had bouts of procrastination on really big and stressful tasks, I still felt satisfied with how I was spending my time. A couple weeks into my productive streak and I could feel the numbing depressive episode set in, I felt mentally stuck and even as I was doing well on the outside, I could feel the “but what’s the point” and “what if you just stopped” thoughts get louder and more frequent. I eventually caved and started missing my meds, kicking off my downward spiral and couldn’t get anything done. I spent more time actively looking for mental distractions and keeping up on my gardening hobbies started to actually stress me out. I usually have a low slump once or twice every couple weeks which is usually characterized by decline in hygiene, less eating, sleeping too much and letting my room get too messy but it hasn’t been so bad that I wasn’t taking my meds. I have school applications due, a big project that I need to be making progress on and I can’t seem to face it. I know that depression being a mood disorder makes it hard for me to manage since a lot of my issues stem from feeling generally crappy, but I’m starting to suspect that anxiety might play a role in my procrastination too. I’m just disappointed in myself because I was doing so well and I basically shot myself in the foot by going on and off meds.",0 "My most recent and possible primary trauma is that I lost my mum just over a year and a half ago. Today, my dad has told me that my mum's best friend and him have been getting close and he asked me how I feel about it. I told him that I couldn't deal with that right now but that I wasn't going to stop him, I just don't want to see it. He ended up having a short term relationship last year about 3 months after my mum died and I don't think I dealt with it very well. Both times it seems to be friends of my mums! Am I missing something here, because I'm currently shaking, I feel sick and I don't think I can talk to him right now. I know he has to move on, but this is really hard for me. Am I in the wrong, because I really don't know what to do or what to think. I've been struggling with my symptoms a fair bit over the last couple of weeks and I'm worried this is going to make it worse. Am I a bad person?",3 Do any of you have to read a certain amount of comments on a YT or TikTok video or have to go over the like button a certain amount of times. There's so many more examples I could give. I have a bunch of things like this and it makes want to never go on my phone or laptop because it's just so draining but I have nothing else to do lol.,1 "I dissociate a lot. Very hard to ""be in the moment"". I feel jealous of people who are.",3 "I’m a senior in college, and I’m deciding between traveling for a couple of months/years or applying to entry-level positions (relating to research, public health, or social policy). Any tips or advice for recent grads with ADHD? What are routes/pathways that y’all have taken or wished that you took after graduating college? What careers make you feel nourished/fulfilled? Also, I’m worried about being stuck in a job that’s a terrible fit for someone with ADHD. School has burned me out and worsened my mental health symptoms. So, I want to find a job that’s a good fit for me. In response to this, a professor said that my expectations are too high for someone just entering the workforce. Now, I’m anxious that every job I apply to will make me feel exploited and/or burned out.",0 " I’ve found myself in a constant loop hole in the past couple of months coming out of High school. I see that I have people there for me, mostly family and the ones I work with, even typing this, thinking of them makes me feel better but it’s in the moments, where I lose hope that things will get better, that I quickly forget about them. The loop hole that I’ve discovered is that I will watch anime’s or tv shows and get lost within them. I leave this reality and get lost in the show’s reality. Once I finish the show I lose my mind, realizing that I never left the one I was brought into… What I’m getting at is that I can’t believe that humans can live every day creating amazing realities through shows, books, and video-games yet never know what their purpose is in their reality. I’ve been stressed out over starting college even though it isn’t much, it’s fucking scary. Many times I’ve pondered over joining the military to give meaning to my life. Yet I’m starting to feel I’m. It set for the military. ——-This whole post is un-organized in every way but what I’m asking is Has anyone else fallen into this loophole where they constantly find a reality they want to live in yet find that they can’t. How did you over come this or how are you making ease with it",2 "Title pretty much. A friend offered me a chance to move away from my mother's place and I'm torn because this life of abuse is the only thing I know. I'm bad with money and only have a temp job anyways. I don't know how long will I last on my own. I just want to die and stop thinking about everything, it's all so overwhelming",2 "I am looking into getting a medical marijuana card. I feel like it would help me with not only my PTSD, but also ADHD/ADD, anxiety, depression, TMJ, back pain, and Hoshimotos disease. ... I actually know it will help because I used Marijuana recreationally for a long time illegally. Don't pass judgement my way until you do your research. I have already been on many medications for all of these issues. They all caused bad reactions for me. I am now against pharmaceuticals. Have any of you tried Medical for your PTSD? What type of prescription do you get and how exactly does it work in FL?",3 "i just can’t anymore. back when i was under 8 years old was just amazing. i went to a great fun school, my parents where together and happy i had great friends and a best friend out of school. life was great, no financial problems and just happiness everywhere. now i’m 13, have moved 4 times since then. in the middle of a global pandemic (of course so are you) i go to a terrible secondary school that is incredibly strict and all my teachers are rude and mean and for the two years i’ve been there, i kid you not, i have learnt nothing. all my current knowlege is based on what i learnt in primary. my parents broke up a year ago and still dealing with the after math. they don’t know i know they’re going to court and they’ve tried keeping it a secret. one of my parents is going through huge financial issues. my first best friend moved to very far away when i was 8, then i had an incredibly toxic relationship until 11 and from then onwards i am in a group of friends that are also toxic as hell. ive had someone’s life in my hands as one of my friends are suicidal and self harm. i’ve got moderate/severe depression and haven’t told anyone. my mother gets so mad at me for being ‘lazy’ and not making any effort in the morning when i make such a huge effort to just get out of bed and go to school. my siblings are favoured above me and prioritised. i hate everything and i really just want to go back to when everything was just slightly okay. i really never want to go back to my terrible school and i want to have a fun life filled with happiness again. i can’t take it anymore i just need help. i’ve been accepted into creative therapy which starts next year and i’m not allowed to see any other form of help until then and i really need to talk to someone. don’t go commenting ‘i know life might be bad rn but it’s gonna get better don’t worry’ because my god. last time someone told me that a global pandemic started my parents broke up and i had no friends. also don’t give me fake compliments or that shit because i’m fed up of shallow replies that make you, not me, you feel happy about yourself because you said something nice today. if you don’t know what to comment other than that then just go look at another post. probably more worth your attention than this one anyway. i’m just a 13 year old what would i know i’m just an overreacting selfish brat anyway why am i even here? yeah i know you’re thinking that like every other person in my life. can’t blame you i guess.",2 "Some days I feel so off and just heavy. I am seeing a therapist who believes it is hypervigilance and cortisol. I am getting trauma therapy in a few days which absolutely scares me sick. But this hypervigilance is so annoying and exhausting, I cannot complete some days without feeling like dropping on the floor to sleep. I can drink coffee, but it is a hit or a miss that it can make me feel more irritated and on edge. Is there any advice to not feel so on edge?",3 "I'm 28 and I still can't figure this shit out. It's especially difficult when I'm gay and approaching someone in that direction can be a really bad outcome. He looks at me a lot. His feet point towards me when he is talking to someone else. We talk a bit but it's relatively awkward although our interests are similar and we both are musicians. Fuck this shit",3 "Had to take a picture today for a new job, and one of the requirements was to look straight into the camera. It took me 107 attempts. Looking back at the very few pictures that exist of me, I noticed I never look into the camera at all. Anyone else?",3 I’ve always had ocd but it’s never bothered me that much until recently. At the end of April I had hocd for like 3 weeks. After that it was basically completely replaced by pocd which has been awful. I’ve had this pocd for like 2 months. Throughout this time I’ve just been hoping it would go away on its own as it’s something I would prefer to not have to tell my parents or a doctor about due to the nature of it. But obviously that hasn’t really been working so what do you guys think I should do?,1 "I keep getting told by friends and family that it will get better, but it never does. I just want it to end, thats probably the only way things will get better tbh.",2 "Idk why, i guess december is really hard for me. I cant. Seems like everything i do, say is wrong and i cant take it anymore. Its not serious i dont think, i just needed to tell someone",2 "...has been really good so far. I was previously prescribed Bupropion 300mg w/ Prozac 60mg, which helped... a little. I was intensely dependent on my bupropion to do as little as get up in the morning or make it through the day-- I have serious issues with fatigue, partially from depression and partially from having an autoimmune disease. Fatigue from one of those always tends to make the other worse, too-- it's like they feed off each other. Anyway, I relied on bupropion but was also hyper aware of how bad it was for my OCD. It'd make me /super/ anxious. Since I also have crohns, it also made my already-abysmal appetite even worse, and caused me to under-sleep rather than over. Additionally, I still struggled with my yet-to-be-diagnosed ADD. I gotta stress that I relied on Bupropion to function, like, it was a necessary evil. I was really stressed abt getting off of it and watching my life pass me by as I became more exhausted (even if less anxious). Having bad OCD from it was just what I accepted and was honestly really shitty but somehow preferable. I was taken off bupropion & put on Ritalin which I expected to be really bad for my OCD (but since it's a stimulant would still be a reasonable substitute for Bupropion irt to fatigue and depression, and would finally help with my untreated ADD symptoms too). Much to my shock, it's helped my OCD just as much as my Prozac has. Hell, when I'm on it, I can literally feel it working for /both/. Like, I'm just less distracted by everything so there's less opportunities for stupid intrusive thoughts to come up. It lets me literally nip my cycling thoughts in the bud, which is AMAZING. A good example of this is when I was trying to figure out what mug to drink my coffee out of that morning. Choosing a mug can be stressful, i.e.: ""if you choose this one, you will study better. If you choose this one, you'll get a headache, but you'll have a more fun day. If you choose this one, you might--"" and etc. If I try to fight those thoughts and say ""shut up OCD, I'm going to choose what I want"", I then get stressed out about which mug is the ""least OCD choice"". Which is like... such a classic. Anyway, on Ritalin, I found myself JUST ABOUT to go down that rabbithole, and it's like I interrupted my own anxiety and was like ""wtf fuck you I like blue"" and that was that. Like, it literally ended there, and I didn't think about it again. I didn't /try/ not to be OCD I just wasn't, and a new ability to be decisive has allowed me to stop considering every Goddamn absurd avenue. It's really awesome. I was expecting it to make me hyper-focus and spend all my time on my compulsions but it's done the opposite by quieting the obsessions themselves, like it's just helped me focus on what I *want* to be focusing on. Hell, my OCD & ADD are like evil twins, so maybe it makes sense that one would egg the other on so bad. Disorders are intersectional after all-- like, having multiple means they interact w/ each other and the result can be really different from just \[x\]+\[y\]=\[xy\]. I'm not really sure what's more at play, if my ADD being treated means by OCD is also losing some of its footing, or if Ritalin literally does help OCD, or if Ritalin literally helps OCD when one also has ADD/ADHD. Who knows. I hesitate to recommend it because of just how infamously bad stimulants + anxiety disorders tend to be. Anyone else have similar experiences? It was such a shocking and pleasant outcome that I just had to share, haha. I feel really, really hopeful for once.",1 "I wanna try to keep this sorta short. I’m a 25 year old female and strictly doing college right now. I haven’t been suicidal or had any of the red flag symptoms of depression, except sleeping in ridiculous amounts. I feel like a walking zombie most weeks unless I get 12 hours of sleep. And sometimes that just makes the headaches not happen. The other 12 hours is spend int a sleepy daze. Also, 12 hours has been an achievement. I’m being treat AS IF I have Rheumatoid arthritis with plaquenil. And now I can be up (not awake) for more than 6-8 hours. For those that get fatigued, how often? How long do you sleep? How attentive are you when you’re awake?",3 "Hey! My friend sustained a serious injury to his fingers last week (accident with a power tool). We got him to the emergency room. I stayed present for most of it which I'm hoping prevents PTSD (this event was also very triggering to past trauma). Two days ago we changed the bandage for the first time. He passed out from the pain more than once. It was awful but we got through it. Took 2 hours. Tonight we're doing it again. This will be easier, but it won't be easy. I gotta stay present, and my friends deserve my support. So I'm here with love. What advice can you give me to maybe not let these events turn into PTSD?",3 "How am I supposed to find my way out of this? I’ve been depressed for too long. I’ve tried everything. Nothing works. I’m beginning to think my brain doesn’t want it to. It just wants to turn me off. I’m so tired. I’m ready to turn off.",2 "Hi, I've been using Vyvanse for two months now. It's been amazing for my ADHD. The issue is, whilst the Vyvanse is great for relaxing my thoughts, it does nothing for my motivation and drive. Using caffeine alongside my Vyvanse makes me want to do things, I also feel more energetic. The biggest issue with this is that although I have energy and drive to do things, the caffeine gives me this immense fog and significantly reduces my ability to think or solve logically difficult problems (programming). It's also worth mentioning that caffeine drives my pulse and blood pressure through the roof. Is the lack of effectiveness of Vyvanse caused by caffeine withdrawals? I'm just afraid that the medication won't work at all once I quit caffeine. Has anyone else had experience with their medication after stopping caffeine entirely?",0 "Hi all, 23 year old male recently diagnosed with OCD and GAD. On my first cycle of SSRIs. Getting the diagnosis was so freeing and validating, especially because a therapist had been dismissive a couple of years beforehand (which made me doubt myself even more… very ironic that doubt is a symptom of OCD). Anyway, I’ve been reading some of the posts on this sub and want to say thanks for the lovely supportive community you all have created here",1 "Does anyone have suggestions for how to deal with fleet week? The fighter jets (or whatever they are called) fly over my apartment all the time and get me super jumpy/worried/panicked. Thank you!",3 "When you have a meltdown and it upsets, embarrasses or inconveniences NTs, and you explain it's a meltdown, they do not want it to be. Because then they're the bastard for being angry about it. So they decide it isn't a meltdown, you're just misbehaving and using autism as an excuse. Then later, when their emotions have subsided and they begin to think rationally, realizing you stood to gain nothing from it, they allow that it may indeed have been genuine in an act they seemingly imagine is understanding & magnanimous of them. I don't think any of them have ever asked themselves ""what does a meltdown look like?"" ahead of time, versus what they imagine a ""fake meltdown"" looks like. But they are somehow the experts. Nor do they ever seem to realize in the moment how unlike your normal self you were behaving at that time and that you were also embarrassed by it. As if autists go around looking for opportunities to humiliate ourselves and alienate people",3 "Does anyone have any experience with a larger adderall dose on days when you haven’t slept in days? Does anyone have any experience with a larger adderall dose on days when you haven’t slept in days? I unfortunately have gotten about 5 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. I have really important meetings today and I need to be as alert as possible. Will a large dose at least be able to temporarily diminish the effects of mg tiredness for a little while? Thanks in advance",0 "I am terrified of death because the thought of not being alive to me is an eternal and infinite loss. I feel if I truly wanted to die I would not be depressed as I feel the basis for my condition is the idea that this endless suffering, apparent from my earliest memories to this and future moments, will end. Seems complex but it’s all rather simple, I’d say the will to survive and procreate were natural selections first creations, has nothing to do with individual benefit.",2 "For example, I live in South Korea and what I feel after living in Korea for decades is that Korean society is extremely oppressive about Aspergians (even though I see the news that Aspergians have been abused, they are usually ignored). The general public's abusive language, hatred, and discrimination against Aspergians are very widespread in both reality and the Internet. However, Korea is a society that lacks neurodiversity, but its economic performance was very great. The proposition of neurodiversity has the implication that ignoring autistic people will destroy the society, but Korean society has been on an economic rise despite severe discrimination against Aspergians and misunderstandings and abuse of autistic disorders. Foreign countries praise Korea for becoming a world-class developed country from a poor country. If it were what those who advocate neurodiversity said, Korea should have fallen very badly. But the reality is completely different.",3 "Was recently diagnosed with PTSD after years of dealing with symptoms. It all made sense once I found out what it was but I’m still navigating my issues around it. One of my biggest triggers is the sound of doors closing or opening. Doors slamming being the worst but just in general, it’s triggering to me. My bedroom is directly across from (hallway between) my neighbors front door. I live in an old fourplex building and the walls are pretty thin. There really isn’t another way to arrange my bed and I’m in a one-bedroom. My neighbor works different hours from me and comes and goes late evening/early morning. Every night, without fail, I wake up from my sleep to the sound of him unlocking the door and closing it. Like heart in throat, jump up in fear and panic feeling. It’s very hard to get back to sleep after. Since moving in six months ago, I have barely slept. I don’t know what to do anymore. He is not overly loud and is very respectful. But the sound of him coming/going echoes in the hallway. Because my bed is resting up against the wall across from his door, the sound is quite loud. I have tried sleeping pills but I still wake up from my sleep every night. I’m tired (literally) of running on no sleep but have no idea what to do! I’m looking at jobs in other states and will hopefully move before my lease is up in July. But I’m not sure how many more months I’ll still be here. I’m desperate for non-interrupted sleep. Is this just how it’s going to be for me, moving forward? Or is there anything I can do to help things? Anyone with a similar trigger found a way to minimize this issue? Any advice is appreciated! Thank you! 🖤",3 "I was diagnosed at a young age and when I was in adolescence I was medicated briefly. I stopped talking the medication because I didn't like the way they made me feel. I remember going to some kind of therapy or psychiatrist around that time but those years are kind of fuzzy for me and I can't remember if I was there for ADHD or if it was depression related. Lately I've been thinking about going back on some kind of medication and before I bring it up to my doctor I want to know if therapy/psychiatry is required to be on medication. I've read that it's helpful for coping mechanisms and to monitor for dosages and all that, but all I remember from doing therapy as an adolescent is how much I hated it. If I had to go I suppose I could. But I'd like to know if it's required before I make the commitment. Thank you everyone",0 "My paranoia extends to some ridiculous tale about them literally going and reversing it. This, I realize, is probably absurd. However, my more realistic concern rests with my diagnosis somehow being ""lost"" through the handful of moves I've made since I left high school. What can I do to ease this worry? My doctor doesn't bat an eye when I say I have ADHD, and he's very supportive, but can he actually see my diagnosis? Is there some way I can secure some kind of proof? My parents seem to have lost the paperwork they had concerning my evaluation.",0 "I’m sure many in the community have read this very useful book. It’s become my bible and the only thing that understands my PTSD and my brain. I have the book in paperback and audio. I love the neuropsychology aspect, because the book gives us proof our brains were altered when we went through trauma. I’ve been feeling very lonely and misunderstood. I’m tired of people assuming I can just get over it, as if it were simple. When I listen to The Body Keeps the Score, I feel like there’s hope that maybe one day I can afford a trauma therapist, and they’ll help me as much as the book makes me feel understood. I just want someone to help me. I’m frustrated that I can’t afford a trauma therapist. Its frustrating I’m not allowed to have EMDR through Kaiser, since I have more than one trauma. I’m sick of my lexapro, never having a libido and my feelings always feel stuck beneath it. I guess I’m just thankful for knowing there’s people who understand this hell and professionals who are doing research. Do you guys have anything that helps you feel understood? I hope some of you have actual people who get you. Much love and I wish you all some healing <3.",3 "I GOT THE JOB!!!! I just put my two weeks in and I’m going to be working at Trade Joe’s in Woodbury starting pay $16 an hour",3 I won’t go into detail but different events have happened to me in two different relationships. I don’t know how to even trust people anymore. Since it happened twice it seems to me like nothing will ever be different with someone else. Almost as if I’m doomed to forever result in something terrible happening to me when I get close to someone. How do I trust people? How do I even find trustworthy people?,3 "I just wanted to share a short story about yesterday. It was a great day, I had actually been pretty stress free. I got some cleaning done with my partner and we were on to getting dinner ready. Then it happened,out of nowhere. I feel like I can't breathe. My brain has decided it's over a decade ago and I'm laying in the back of my humvee right after getting hit by an IED. My service dog jumps on me in the super happy way she has because she's about to get the good treats. But that's not the worst part. The worst part was the emotional numbness I felt for the rest of the night. Anger would have been super easy. But love and happiness? They were nowhere to be found. The only way I can describe this feeling is that being so close to death, (or having your brain convinced you were just there), makes everything that you think matters in the world fall away. This bleakness is the worst part. But just like it always does, it passed. I've had PTSD for a long time now and this is the biggest thing I've learned. The darkest parts are always temporary.",3 "I've been diagnosed with chronic depression ever since I was a pre-teen but I remember times before where I was never happy. I've gotten ""help"" before but the pills never worked so I stopped taking them. I want to have a family of my own at some point but I feel as if I can't because I'm afraid further down the line I feel when I finally do have one, I'll hit a really rough patch and not make it through. It's hard, life, happiness, and just overall being ok... It all feels so impossible. I'm sorry.",2 "Can we change the name of Autism Awareness Day? And any other Awareness Day? Most people are aware of the fact that some people are on the spectrum. What we need is understanding. We need people to understand that it's not a disease and we're not something to be cured or labelled as ""other"". (I'm looking at you, Autism Speaks). Autism is a different way of being human. We're human too and we're just as valid as the NTs. Once people understand that, we will move from awareness to understanding and maybe even acceptance. But we need to somehow move beyond the awareness stage, otherwise the stigma will continue.",3 "The other day, I had an OCD spike that caused a full-on panic attack. That hasn't happened to me in a really, really long time. I normally tend to shut down when the OCD-brain takes over, get very quiet, withdrawn, and stuck in my own head. This was the curling up in the fetal position on the bed, hyperventilating, hands shaking kind of thing. I had to sign off work for the rest of the day. I was in a really bad place. And honestly--it was coming sooner rather than later. I'd been struggling quietly for a really long time. My OCD had been getting steadily worse again after my divorce a few years ago. My ex and I had our issues, but she was always willing to work with me regarding my treatment, and knew how to support me without feeding into the whole reassurance-seeking behaviors thing. Without that, I think I always just felt like I was dealing with it alone. Even though I had friends who loved and supported me, there were things I just didn't tell them. Partly because it's just... embarrassing?? OCD can be stupid embarrassing. But also because I was genuinely trying to avoid reassurance-related compulsions. This time though, I broke. I asked a couple of friends if we could talk. We haven't known each other that long, only about six months or so, but we got close right away. We bonded almost immediately, we talk basically every day, throughout the day, we went on a two-week road trip together and got along almost the whole time, etc. I love these guys. I'd do anything for these guys. But I hadn't really been able to express that side of myself to them yet. I kinda just dumped everything out. They knew, generally, that I had OCD, but didn't really know my story with it. So I told them, all the messy, embarrassing details. I did tell them the particular thing I had been obsessing about lately (I felt bad for feeding into the confessing compulsion, but to my credit, I had been resisting it with that one for the past several *years*), and like... a very real part of me expected it to be the end of our friendship. That they would think I was just too flawed and messed up to love. The kindness, support, and compassion they showed me is something I'm still kind of reeling from. They stayed on the line with me for hours, listened to me cry, shared their own vulnerabilities and similar experiences, and I just felt Seen and Understood in a way I haven't in many years. I'm still kind of processing it, because it's something I didn't think I deserved for the longest time. I'm not the kind of girl who just breaks down and can be vulnerable with people, especially not about this, and they stood by me the whole way. I'm still dealing with my various obsessions and resisting compulsions. I realized when I came clean to them that I had to REALLY keep myself in check so that they didn't become my new reassurance source. But having had that conversation with them, knowing that I have people in my life who love me the way I am utterly and unconditionally, has really made it easier to deal with. I dunno, I just needed to write all of this out to process it, I guess. I'm really lucky to have the support system I do, and I'm so glad I made the choice--albeit under panicky distress--to come clean to them about all of this. I feel like I can breathe for the first time in months.",1 "First off, I'm am not diagnosed with ASD, I only think there's a bigger than 'usual' chance that I have Aspergers. I also think that I have a high probability of having ADHD. So, to my knowledge, which would love to be correct shalt it be wrong, special interests is something more than common in people with ASD, I think it even is one major diagnosis criteria? Anyway, I've always had some form of special interest in one or two topics at a time, but I've always been interested in many topics at the same time. Now, those special interests have lasted months to years and have changed over the years. Lately though, I cannot recall having any major interest, only vaguely short time interests Now to the question: can it happen, that individuals with Aspergers lose the ""ability"" to have special interests? May it be explained with other things, like Depression?",3 "Lately I have been having more symptoms than usual including debilitating panic attacks and flashbacks that cause me to go in and out of consciousness and have asthmatic reactions that feel like I’m dying. My boyfriend is the only person that can help me when this happens, and he lives almost two hours away, and even when he is here it still happens. He helps me and I feel guilty. I know I shouldn’t. But I do. Because it takes so long to come down from it. And I feel like I got tossed into a literal blender the next day. Often I have earthquakes - a big hit and then after shocks for hours. The amount and severity of my triggers is really distressing me. It’s been ruining my life. Over and over again I try to start over : new job, new school year, and everytime my symptoms get spiked by some event or series of triggering events that debilitate me. I see a therapist, I have medication - even one for the severe attacks, I have an inhaler, a weighted blanket too. I try so hard. I’ve been dealing with panic attacks and flashbacks and insomnia most of my life but lately all three are ramping up to unbearable extents that have me dissociating more than usual. And I don’t fight or flight. I usually freeze. When someone touches me, that can be a trigger because of my sexual assault. Even a friend. I’ve gotten better about this and made progress but it still happens even on a good day and where I feel safe (safer I guess is the better word. I never feel safe honestly. Hyper vigilance is my middle name) it still happens. I’ve had so many different sources of trauma in my life, physical and emotional child abuse, physical health issues, suicidal past, neglect, eating disorder, grief, but the sexual assault? That is the one that has been consistently the most destructive of all. I want so badly to succeed. To feel okay. To be whole. To be independent. To take care of myself and be better able to care for others. But right now? I feel submerged. I feel a constant numbness - and when I’m not numb, I’m feeling too much, usually during a panic attack, and it’s unbearable. How do you all manager these triggers? The insomnia? The panic attacks and flashbacks? I’m desperate for help. I don’t know what to do. I’m so isolated. I have no one I can talk to about this 99% of the time.",3 I can only do like 6 hours of work and after that i feel mentally worn out like my battery is out of power and it takes a long time for me to recuperate.,3 "I'm struggling with depression, and have been struggling for as long as I can remember. Living as a normal member of society drains every bit of energy I have and it's holding me back from doing something truly meaningful, making me feel like I've lost my identity most of the time, except for the moments when I lose control completely and break down. And yet. At least I can afford to not go outside when the world gets to much, not to work and not to interact with people for a day when things get really bad. At least I don't have to worry about not being able to feed myself, or a family, when I can't function. At least I have access to knowledge and media content that I'm passionate about and that comforts me. At least my body belongs to me and no one is abusing it or using it. It least I know there are others going through the same things that I'm going through, that who I am is not wrong. And then I think about people, children most of all, who are autistic or neurodiverse in some other way and who have none of those luxuries. And it's killing me. To think of the fear and confusion, the guilt and exhaustion they must feel. And I wish I could do something about it. I want to.",3 "Hi all, My psychiatrist has put me on strattera, starting at a ridiculously low dose, titrations upwards, however I’m getting so many side effects from it, and for the last few days, I’ve felt flat, sad and more unmotivated than I usually do. It’s been 2 weeks now, and I’m feeling like quitting both it and her. I called about the side effects, and she basically told me to continue and not to move to the higher dose until my symptoms subside. I feel like she’s brushed my clear discomfort aside completely, and it’s really affected my trust in her as a physician. I’d be happy to continue on if I knew others had persevered and actually found great results. I wanna hear the good, the bad and the ugly regarding Strattera. Please tell me your experiences on it.",0 "Help, I’m in therapy, I’m on medicine. I visualize my brain splattered on the wall, or horrific car accidents, or my knife in my chest, or a steel bar going through my head, the list goes on. Everyday, all day, especially at night, Help.",2 "*TW suicidal thoughts* I got diagnosed with PTSD about 7 months ago, but I know I've had it since I was a teenager. As untreated PTSD does, it has only gotten worse over the years. I'm still in school, but I can only do online classes because physical classes cause massive panic attacks. My grades turn to trash and I always end up dropping out. This is my 4th time thing to go back to college. I keep trying to get jobs, but every time I do I get increasingly suicidal. First two jobs I had for less than 6 months, then these past 2 jobs I couldn't even make it a couple of hours. I applied for disability about 6 months ago hoping to help my dad with the bills since working would quite honestly lead to my death. I've been talking about these issues with my therapist, but it took me a while to find one I could trust and be honest with. I'm worrying that being too scared to talk to my previous therapist. I guess the point of this post is to hear other people's experiences. I know it can take years, but I also know it can take months. I've looked up posts, but they're mostly from 2018 or older. So if you get disability for PTSD, depression, anxiety, please feel free to comment.",3 Have been having problems with gf and it’s been killing me inside. I feel like the world is coming down on me . I feel anxious all the time . Feeling like I can’t breathe because I feel like it’s over. I try and distract myself with work and gaming . I have my son most weekends and he’s very helpful to cheer me up. But it sucks because he will ask about going to her house and seeing her but we’re in complicated terms. It’s when I’m alone is when it’s the worst . I have really good supportive friends that I’ve known for years but I hate expressing myself to anyone besides random people . It’s easier for me . I truly love this girl and it’s hard to see myself without her . I’m working hard to fix things. I guess I just wanted to let everyone out.,2 "New here. I pull at my eyelashes and have never understood what was causing it, why I did it, what it was. I don’t understand still, but I have been officially diagnosed with OCD - specifically, trichorillomania. I hate that I do it but still can’t stop. One day at a time - I’m in therapy now and hoping to make small steps to change. Oddly comforted that there’s a sub with others here. Just wanted to say hello!",1 "I keep thinking maybe I'm doing better and recovering but chances are I'm likely getting better at repressing my emotions I want to meet new people but it's so hard finding anyone with the same interests and to click easily with I keep looking for signs that potentially aren't there for someone I'm interested in and I feel like I should give up former friends keep popping up in my dreams for whatever reason even if its been years since we talked for whatever reason I keep visiting pages of people who's content I know will upset me and talks frequently about how people like me are predators and detrimental to society im well over 20 but i feel like a fucking manchild who hasn't grown up. I hate it. and I keep. thinking. about past people I've hurt. and it sucks because I'd do anything to apologize, but it's far too late. and they're not obligated to forgive me either.",2 "It started yesterday (same theme just different thoughts kinda) I'm a horrible racist person and everyone I know can see my thoughts through the internet, I feel so nervous and embarrassed I don't want to face people when I see them in person again even though I know it's impossible that they know what I'm thinking?? I am sorry if this is weird I hate it so much and know it's illogical.",1 "Hi, I was wondering if people could give me some advice. I still suck my thumb (I’m 16) and quite a bit too. At night as well. I may be getting braces soon, and, if I do, I will probably have to stop. The thought of this is stressing me out a lot as a I don’t know how else I’ll cope. Does anyone have any suggestions or recommendations? Thanks.",3 "My commute to work takes roughly 35 minutes give or take depending on the weather (that’s really not that long to me). I find that during these drives I alternate constantly between 3 things: 1. Talking to myself out loud about random stuff like problems, planning, etc., or talking as though I’m in some scenario 2. Replaying the same song over and over and over again if I’m singing along because I realize I messed up the words again (queue repeat), or just doubling back continuously once I get a few songs down, or repeating it once I realize I zoned out thinking about something else .. again. 3. Zoning the fuck out in the middle of my talking or music listening and just daydreaming until - oh heck *swerve* I wasn’t paying attention to the road It’s always these 3 things. The only exception is that I work as a first responder pulling long night shifts and if I’m dead tired come home time it’s primarily just trying to focus on keeping my eyes open. I just feel like my mind isn’t able to be quiet, or like I have this urge to constantly hear myself talk or sing or just be doing something. It’s hard to just listen to the music as it is.",0 "I do desperately want to feel a connection to another human being again. Well simply put. A Woman human being. I’m a dude, 28 and I’ve just gone through the final stages of my divorce. During the 8 years we were married. I think we lost our connection around year 6. We had essentially just been roommates living together since that point. I get asked a lot by the few people close to me how I could be ready for another connection when I literally JUST got divorced. The thing is, things were so bad between us for so long. Yes on paper we were married. But she hasn’t been my wife since longer than I can remember. I recently was diagnosed as having a personality disorder. As I go through the treatment to help condition my life better for myself. I realize my mental health was probably the BIGGEST contributor to my marriage burning to the ground. I’m in a place now where I better understand myself and I’m better able to control my emotions. I’m at a point where I really wish I had someone to just share my day with. Someone to feel special because of or make my priority in life in terms of dating. I’ve tried the social media stuff. Tinder. ETC. in terms of finding people to connect to it’s been reasonably successful. I’ve connected with a few women here and there. But anytime it starts to maybe get to a point where it could get more in depth. Or serious. I self destruct. Having to be a partner and care about someone’s emotions and well being in an intimate way, just the effort that’s required to sustain a serious relationship just seems so exhausting. And I’m terrified of it. Anyone else ever feel that way?",2 "Why have something to live for when instead you have something not to die for. It says something about my mental state that, before I think of repercussions for me, i think of how someone else would feel if I died. I don’t embrace death and fear the end like any other person, but if I have nothing I would like to do, I live for the people who would be less happy or depressed that I had gone. Maybe this comes from having someone who killed themself near me, but until the day I haven’t talked to someone for a week, I will think of them crying when I think of myself dead. I know there are people in worse situations than me. Never have a large family under the assumption that it will build character. I have 6 siblings and have been neglected by every single one. You either come out social or depressed with trust issues and stress that will scar you for years.",2 "I feel severely unmotivated by studying per se, and I feel like one more mistake would make me ineligible to live and have human rights. I struggle with star student complex to this day and can't afford losing an education because my country has active conscription and I have a Y chromosome that also ruined my life because I happen to be trans",3 Any first responders have tips for dealing with this stuff? I'm almost 3 years in as a dispatcher and two critical incidents where I work opened up a lot of things I've repressed.,3 "[Here's last week's thread](https://old.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/nwpo3r/hows_your_week_going_so_far_weekly_post_173/) Suggestions are ALWAYS welcome on how to improve the threads I post at any time. After all, I do this because the community wants these threads to exist, and I take the time out of my day (every Thursday and Saturday) to post the weekly threads, to ensure the community gets what it feels it needs. **So, continuing with the theme... /r/aspergers, How is your week going so far?** :)",3 "Starting from the age of 10 until my senior year of high school, I pretty much drank at least a cup of coffee every single day. Thinking back, I see that ever since I started consuming caffeine, my ocd and anxiety had progressively gotten worse. Now, this is most likely a coincidence, but is interesting to think that maybe drinking a stimulant every day strengthened neural pathways in the amygdala or something lol. I will say that after quitting all caffeine for a month now my anxiety has gone down quite a bit.",1 Help I’m having flashbacks again (haven’t been as bad lately but just got worse),3 "I really hope this doesn’t come off as insensitive or ignorant. I wish I had some life-ending disease/condition. If I just knew that I would die soon, I’d feel so much better about everything. I could make amends and make plans on what happens with me and my stuff after I die. I won’t have to suddenly disappear because I committed suicide, but rather my family and friends would know that I’d go soon. Maybe I’d be able to spend the last few moments of my life surrounded by people who love me. They wouldn’t have to mourn my tragic death and wonder why it ever got so bad, but they’d celebrate my life knowing that I had no choice. Is that type of thinking wrong? There are plenty of people out there who get diagnosed with a disease they won’t recover from but they actually want to live, and I feel nothing but empathy for them.",2 "Crying has been 6 days a week for me. I’ve always wanted to have something people can be proud for me. Is it selfish to ask? I’m sorry, for trying to be human. “I’m sorry” is the only phrase I could think of whenever I always feel like a burden. I wanted to blame people for my situation, but it looks like everything that I do just makes it worse for me. I don’t know what to say anymore, except to say “I’m sorry” for trying to live, for everything i’ve ever done trying just to be “ok.”",2 "Hello. I’m a 19(M). I take Adderall. And I just wanted to know something from you guys. I know that a lot of people who are suffering from ADHD have a problem with ruminating/perseverating. Whether it be about past mistakes, or worrying about the future. And all I wanna know is one thing… From 0-100%, how much did ruminating/perseverating decrease with Adderall? Also, what is your dose?How often do you take it per week? And is it XR or IR? For me, 60-65%.",0 "I just spent the weekend in the hospital having neurological tests done because I was having seizures uncontrollably. Over the course of 72 hours I probably had over 20 of them. I was diagnosed with PNES, or psychogenic non-epileptic seizures, which manifest as a result of trauma. Today I met with my psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with PTSD. I’ve set up weekly therapy sessions but I feel really displaced. I’m terrified of facing this trauma that I’ve been repressing for so long (which is why the PNES developed). I can’t even talk about the sexual trauma, and other trauma makes me squirm thinking about. On top of that I was mistreated by the nurses who didn’t know about PNES and assumed I was just faking everything, so I was consistently berated during/after seizures, making them worse and causing me to dissociate even more. One nurse even purposely hurt me to “prove” I was faking and I’m still in pain. So now I have to work through that. What do I even do. Where do I start. I feel so lost and I feel like no one I know understands trauma or if they do it’s so much worse than mine. I feel so alone.",3 "The issue I have is that I get hyper focused on the million things that are a tive in my head and regardless of how hard I try to manage it I still try to take them all on everyday. My fiancee has been sending me flirty texts and messages with the intent to setup an intimate evening together but I have recently explained that even though I understand her intent, it actually distracts me and upsets me because it can pull my focus from what I was working on and will result in up to a half hour to get back on tract, if I even can. I explained that I do enjoy what she's doing but I cannot shift gears and get aroused by them because I'm hyper focused on my tasks at hand. We are always open with each other but this really did upset her. I don't know how to fix this because I cannot just shift gears. I have to be as committed and hyper focused in being intimate and sexual as I am in my work. I feel like I'm the only person that this is happening to and don't know what to do.",0 "god i wake up every single day and it takes me forever to get out of bed. at least 95% i lay there dreading what the fuck i’m going to be doing that day for at least an hour or two. and the longer i lay there, the worse i feel about it, and the more i hate myself. i just don’t get it. every time i start to feel a little better it all just comes crashing down and i feel even worse than before. i think part of it is me thinking “well last time was fucking awful and i barely got through it without killing myself so how the fuck am i supposed to get through it this time”. there’s not a lot of things or people that genuinely make me happy anymore. everything is starting to feel like a fucking chore and i’m just waiting for when it overwhelms me and i’m not a fucking bitch about it and i just decide to end it. it’ll happen eventually.",2 "Hi everyone! So apparently some people on vyvense can't get drunk when they drink alcohol, not psychologically anyway, just the physical effects, and unfortunately I'm one of those people (got alcohol poison without actually getting tipsy... yay.) Anyway, for people who don't get the psychological ""drunk"" effects of drinking while on vyvense, how long do you have to go without vyvense to feel them again? (If it's more than a day it's not worth it but I miss getting tipsy at parties!)",0 "Wondering if anyone else is taking vyvanse with history of panic disorder/panic attacks? ive been taking vyvanse sporatically for the past month which has been really helpful, but i find in between the come down and being off of it, i have multiple panic attacks every time. its getting to the point where i feel like i should just commit to being medicated or not, but it kind of scares me the way in which the transition off vyvanse is progressively more terrifying 😬",0 "For example, if I accidentally step on my brothers shoe, my brain goes; ""now something bad will happen to him"". I think this thing has been happening a little bit before I was diagnosed with OCD",1 Hate this shit so much… it’s just like this feeling in my head making me feel I’m going insane.,1 "Did anyone else use to do a lot of things that weren't ok and you never even thought about why it's not ok. I met my boyfriend when I was very young and stupid and I did so many things that weren't okay that it never even occurred to me that it wasn't okay. I would purposely show my cleavage to people I thought I had a crush on or purposely look at TikToks where it's like ""dad reveal!"" because I wanted to see if their dad was attractive or I would do flirty things not with the intention of flirting but it was just obviously something that came off of flirty and like idk now I realize that a lot of these things weren't okay and I don't understand why I didn't realize they weren't okay before??? It sucks because I feel so guilty about it all now becaus I did a lot of fucked up things. Please tell me I'm not the only one who's has this problem of doing obviously wrong things but not even thinking about it?",1 " *Possible trigger* It can sneak up on you out of nowhere the exhaustion and the realisation. The realisation that you have been fighting yourself, your own thoughts. Fighting a battle that shouldn't have to be fought a battle you didn't choose to fight. It's not just the images of what happened it's reliving it. Feeling what happened, your own mind tricking you. Feeling its real yet knowing its not. Not anymore at least. No one else understanding your situation because its not even something you even know how to explain. How do you even get someone to understand what you've been through, what you're going through? Waking yourself up screaming in the middle of the night because your partner has tried to hold you in your sleep in attempt to comfort you from a nightmare you were clearly having. Not even knowing where all of these feelings came from yet also feeling nothing at all. I am broken. Not any kind of glue in the form of love, friendship or support can glue the pieces back together. Only I can. Only time can. Feeling it all and nothing at all is too overwhelming for anyone to handle, especially with the Stigma. being called a nutter, or some people just not understanding. feeling ashamed and disgusted. You are no longer a person. You're a statistic. You are a mindless, soulless being with no being within. Having to try and carry on with everyday life with a smile. Like nothing is wrong. Like this thing hasn't eaten away at your insides leaving you as a hollow mass of nothing, pulling you into the darkness. You can feel it slowly pulling at your soul like a toy to use you and drain you of all of your being whenever it wants with no notice or care in the world. I just needed to bleurgghh on some page here on reddit at midnight... Can't sleep as per usual.. An I'm assuming some of you can relate. There's more..but I'm just too drained to keep writing. It was a bad one tonight.",3 "Hi! I have dealt with anxiety and depression for the past 10 years but OCD is kind of new to my life past years. I have started overthinking and obsessing about my dental health. I’ve keep getting thoughts about losing my tooth and it keeps going on loop non stop. Its been 5 months and it’s still on my mind and always worried. Is this OCD? I keep wanting to brush my tooth like 4-5 times a day and I always worry, i feel afraid to eat or drink. Please someone guide me. I am thinking to start antidepressants.",1 "I wish I hadn't let people disrespect me so much, and I wish I had punched more people. I have spent the last 10 years angry and bitter and regretful that I didn't do what I should have. I am powerless to change the past and it has affected me deeply.",2 "Namely financially. Maybe job programs, grants and scholarships and the like.",3 I'm 18 I'm still a vergin. I know it's pathetic I mean seem like every one I know I'm high school already have a body count. And I haven't even kissed anyone.,3 "I am a 37 year old woman, and when I was 14 my younger brother violently attacked me. I knew he was going to do it the moment I opened the door to him. I was terrified and ran to the kitchen trying to close the door. The burst the door open and started coming towards me. I remember grabbing a letter opener to defend myself because it was in arms reach. The last thing I remember is waking up on the floor after having been knocked unconscious with blood on my face and a broken nose. He then cut himself with the letter opened and made up a story about how I had attacked him. My parents believed him and he was never punished. Somehow we became close after this and recently he moved nearby with his partner. I was triggered by an incident a few days ago where he took an idea of mine and claimed it as his own, turning it into a new business idea. I was stunned but this blatant disrespect and stealing of my voice. I wanted to scream at him and to scold him for his complete lack of integrity but I found myself unable to speak and ran out the door. It was this trigger that led me back to the original trauma. I realised I had never processed what happened and had been exhibiting the 'Fawn' PTSD response for my whole adult life. I had fooled myself into thinking I was mothering him, being a good sister when in fact I was still terrified of him. To everyone else he is this funny, outgoing guy. There is no trace of this aggressive behaviour anymore but I have lived with the deep wounds it caused me. I have lived with severe depression for 20 years, anxiety, and countless other symptoms. This is not the only trauma I have suffered but its the one that I have surpassed the most. When I finally allowed my body to go there, I had what I can only describe as a 12 hour panic attack. my body violently shook, I sobbed, I screamed, and I felt all of the fear all over again. I now feel like I can not have a relationship with him unless this is finally talked about. I haven't ever mentioned it because I know how much shame he feels, and I would rather have carried this pain myself than allow him to feel his own shame and guilt. The fawn response is still strong and I fear 'causing drama' by confronting him in my family is strong. My mother would rather ignore the violent behaviour of my father and brother and use me as the family scapegoat. I was told it was my fault by my parents, and I never received and help. he wasn't punished and I had to live with him for the remainder of my teenage years. I am terrified of having this confrontation but I need to do something. His partner is from an abusive family and this will be a huge trigger for her, although I feel she needs to know. I am a therapist in training and there's no way I can do this work with my own trauma looming over me. My other concern is that I live alone without a real support network and somehow I still feel like I need my family. Any advice or similar stories would really help me.",3 "ok so i have a problem with exam timing and splitting my time evenly, this mainly spans from not being able to replicate exam conditions for practice exams because my brain is way to stubborn and doesn't take practice seriously. In the proper exams I do however work about 100x faster than I do when practicing and I end up actually remembering most of my stuff which is much of a surprise to you as it is to me considering I can barely write an analytical sentence let alone a paragraph outside of exams. Its like there are several invisible switches and when I actually do exams those switches become visible and so I'm actually in control of what I'm writing and everything. However I still have a huge problem with splitting my time based on marks rather than quality and what we've been taught to structure and write. yknow how we have interest based nervous systems? well in exams I have more interest in quality which is a good thing for all times except EXAMS. That interest goes away when I don't have exams, reverting back to totally inept in retaining study material, agonising over everything very very slowly and extreme hyperfocus which can't be escaped (ended up writing an artist statement that was only 100 words for like four hours because I forgot it was due the upcoming midnight, completely separate to my exams that WERE THE NEXT MORNING) Basically if anyone knows how to trick their brain into exam conditions when doing practices please do share your tips. Also how does one stop the hyperfocus and inability to transition between tasks (aka questions) so that I can actually force myself to split up my time based on questions and marks. Tl:DR: I am in much need of strategies to replicate exam conditions, making sure I actually attempt all questions rather than hyperfocusing and not being able to transition to the next question and being able to trick your brain into exam conditions so that you can actually have some useful study and work faster.",0 "I have had ADHD for a few years. Started off on wellbutrin but didn’t do much. Switched to Concerta ER to help me out. Stopped and then started again. When started taking Concerta ER again and it didn’t really wear off until later. It seems to suppress my appetite and then I end up waking up at like 3am needing food. Anyone have any thoughts/tips/similar experiences?",0 "I keep explaining to my teachers that I'm not in class because I'm having an emotional blowout. I don't know if this is just my perception, but I feel this cold distance from everyone except my GP. I'm struggling with all my might to hold things together, but I yell during phone calls, and my e-mails are too long. I feel like no one wants anything to do with me anymore. I feel like an abuser. My GP asked me to take Prozac again after a year without it. I'm so ashamed of my melodrama and being unable to stop it that I'm physically sick to my stomach. I'm trying to journal all this out of my head, but its effects only last a few hours. I have a 3-4 month wait for mental health treatment and I feel helpless. What can I actually, physically do that's not just theoretical thought magic? (Edit: This episode was triggered by being retraumatized... I don't know if it matters.)",3 "I'm 22 years old, I have no other hobbies. I've tried dozens of hobbies. I have nothing anymore. I've been on the verge of tears all day and my friends circle is growing smaller little by little. I hate myself because of how little I seem to fit in with the rest of the world. I feel alone in my interests, of which I have almost none. I'm just annoyed and frustrated by people who like things I don't like. I wish I were dead. I want to give up. I can't help myself. I hate it here, this life. I don't want it.",2 "hey. Here's something i've been thinking about (a lot). I currently live in one of the most densely populated countries. At any time of the day, I can't go anywhere without coming across 50+ people (even during a short walk). I live in a building with about 1500 other people. I feel like this negatively impacts my mental state. There's no birds, animals or trees around. When I open a window at any given point of the day, i hear people partying, yelling etc. There are small parks, but (especially with the pandemic) you cannot go anywhere without other humans nearby. Just leaving my house makes me go past 10+ others. Upside is fast internet and any place i'd like to go within minutes. My thought is that living in a country/place that is less densely populated will do me as an aspie good. Doing so will require me to change up pretty much my entire carreer path (not that my current one isn't a total dumpster fire). Any others with experiences?",3 "I’m scared I’m going to have to cut it off…l I haven’t been able to bring myself to brush it for a few weeks since my metal health started declining again… the hair knots in the back of my head are BAD and I just want to know if it’s salvageable…..I just want to give up and chop it all off, really disappointed In myself for letting it get this way. Also in is anybody else experiencing this or am I just a lazy POS",2 "I am 23 and I am towards the end of my Psychology degree, with units in counselling, criminology and justice, counselling and addiction studies. I have complex PTSD revolving around having dated a physically abusive partner who killed his own mother who I was very close to. I didn't know such a traumatic event would occur during my time studying a degree that relates in many ways to my own life experience and conditions. I have a tiny amount of work experience in customer service and have volunteered occasionally with a children's disability service which utilises horses therapeutically. I am wanting to work with youth, in mental health advocacy or in a human rights group but i am concerned that I have so little work experience due to the severity of the PTSD I have dealt with, the nightmares, flashbacks, sleep deprivation and triggers. Just to mention, I have progressed a lot mental health wise, am medicated and am receiving psychological assistance. I feel as if I am being pressured by my job provider and prompted by my friends and other people in my life to explain why I have such little work experience. I'm getting more worried with each birthday about my ability to find a job (I am nearly 24). I believe I have the potential to work in a career that revolves around supporting the disadvantaged in society, and I am passionate about this. However, I am constantly concerned about how my symptoms may get in the way. I think I adjust more slowly to new situations compared to many people, calculating risks before I feel comfortable enough to flow in a routine. I am often hypervigiliant in new settings and take a while to adjust. I hope that I am able to find an employer that will give me at least a bit of time to find my confidence, but I am doubtful that there are many employers who allow for this. Prior to having PTSD, I was an excellent communicator and was able to give good advice and impassion others. I find it much harder to socialise nowadays but recognise that i need experience in the first place to progress. I guess to sum this all up, I am very anxious about my employment prospects due to setbacks related to PTSD, but feel as if I could be a great asset if given the opportunity. I would like to know how other people have navigated similar dillemas?",3 "I find my intrusive thoughts don’t bother me as much when I’m with friends that I love or when I’m working on something and my mind is kept busy. My compulsions are mostly mental. If the thought hits hard I’ll zone out and start ruminating/neutralising but generally if I’m kept in a conversation it tends to be relatively ok. When I’m on my own the compulsions are much harder to resist, does this resonate?",1 "Seeking advice or similar experiences. Took our 10yo son to see a paediatrician this week as we suspect he may have ADHD. We were thinking this due to a few things - very low grades in school - comments from tutor that he is the worst kid out of all her classes - spending 8 hours doing homework tasks which should take 1 hour - appears to be working through a fog - had to be dressed for school until he was 10 - needs instructions and intense pressure to do daily tasks - explosive emotional reactions - extremely sensitive to rejection - hyper-focus on book series he likes or other interests - eg can build complex Lego or play Minecraft for days - not hyperactive at all but always tired and low energy - clumsy / gross motor issues not enough to be considered a real issue but enough to make him terrible at sport At any rate the paediatrician said because he has hyper-focus it means he is not inattentive as ADHD is defined as attention deficit. Because he plays hockey he can follow the coach’s instructions (I didn’t want to say in front of my son that the hockey coach barely tolerates him on the team as he just stares at the clouds for most of the game) - this means he has the executive function to follow instructions. Then he said kids with ADHD won’t oppose you trying to get them to do things they just need to be reminded because they are distracted. So because we have to really raise the stakes to get him dressed, showered etc as he opposes us then he must have ODD. I had been thinking the opposition came from exhaustion and annoyance at the constant reminders and him needing that emotional extreme of a conflict with us to break through the fog of it being hard to do the mundane tasks. What do you think? Should we continue to seek an ADHD diagnosis or should we just get therapy for ODD (I think this is basically therapy for parents) (Btw in relation to ODD there is no trauma background and no family issues but there is family history of ADHD)",0 "I got diagnosed about a month ago at 24. My girlfriends left me about 2 months ago and most of her reasons to leave had something to do with adhd after reviewing. She was the only person that was left that put up with alot of my shit and tried to understand me. But now shes gone and ive been trying to do things to feel loved or connected but as i go im just burning more and more bridges. I was wondering if theres any thing like a social platform for people with adhd that understand? Because im not one to ask for help but rn i dont know anymore and i just cant for the live of me figure out how to make it better by myself",0 When I was a kid my mother kept trying to get me to wear turtle necks in the winter coz they are warm and cozy. My instant reaction was to try to rip it off every time. As an adult i can tolerate them now but why???,3 When you meet someone new and are sailing smooth with small talk like a coworker for example. The next day comes or the next time you see them comes and you have no idea what to talk about and it just becomes awkward between the 2 of you.,3 "Rant! So, I started working again and since I had already an anxiety attack at work due to a coworker unintentionally startling me, I took all my courage and talked to one of my bosses today that I have ptsd. First he was like:”I don’t know what to do with this information” I expanded a bit on it; trying to explain a bit about being startled easily, the possibility of a panic attack (-although I really didn’t want to go into detail). He asked if it impacted me at my prior work and how; then he said it’s all about coping and we all have stuff we have to deal with. Now I’m discouraged; it’s not a weakness I just cope with in a way I deal with having being tired at work or having a cold and sitting at work. Its ptsd!",3 "Hey guys, I've always heard OCD being described as an anxiety disorder, but as I was reading the portuguese version of the DSM-5, I noticed that OCD was not under anxiety disorders, but it was a category in itself. Basically, I want to know if it was never considered an anxiety disorder, if it was recently changed or if it still is and the book is just separating it for another purpose. Sorry for the broken english hahahha",1 "I was recently diagnosed with PTSD, and I’m really struggling in school. I have trouble concentrating, and I simply do not have the energy to do the work for my classes. I am also the president of two clubs, but I’m struggling to create plans and organize meetings. I really enjoy all of my classes and activities, but my grades and performance are not where they need to be. My therapist recommended I stick to my passions, but those passions leave me drained and disappointing my teachers and peers. I need advice. I want to stay in the classes and clubs but I can’t keep up with the workload. Any advice to better pay attention and stay on top of my work? Or should I just accept this is how my brain works and find easier classes and/or drop the leadership positions?",3 "Just curious to see what you're all taking and how it's helping. I'm currently on 10mg Lexapro and 150mg Wellbutrin. I fucking hate the Lexapro because it's ruined my sex life, but I guess that's better than having panic attacks every day. I might ask my psych about going off of it in the near future, as Wellbutrin's been pretty helpful for me.",1 "I have not encountered anyone else with this issue, but it's probably the strongest and hardest compulsion for me. It's like, for no reason at all, my brain tells me, ""you can't ever shop at the supermarket closest to you ever again, sorry"", or I can't listen to a certain song ever again, or visit a certain website, or buy a certain food brand or clothing brand again or whatever. I have so many of these annoying rules that I just can't break and they cause so many daily problems and anxiety, and I can't explain it to anyone without sounding insane. It's not a fear that something would happened if I for example listened to that song again, it's just my brain decided no, and I just can't break that rule. They also get stronger over time, with other compulsions I can sometimes create this loophole in my mind where I manage to break them, but with this it's like, ""you've adhered to this rule for 7 years, why break it now? You're gonna stop 7 years of progress?""",1 "Hey guys! Did you ever experience a kind of placebo effect with (well, without) Ritalin? A few days ago I forgot to take it (20mg in the morning), but I could still get through the day pretty good. I realized it only in the evening. And now I worry that I might take the meds unneccessary when I am technically capable of doing it without, you know what I mean? xx",0 "For each of the following 5 statements, please answer 1-5.  1 means strongly disagree, 5 means strongly agree. A.  When I post or comment on reddit, I don't think about downvotes or upvotes, I'm just completely honest. B.  I either don't use other kinds of social media such as Facebook, Twitter, or lnstagram, or, if I do, my posts/ comments are different than if I were to post anonymously on reddit. C.  ND people are likely to respond to statements 'A' and 'B' more honestly than NT people. D.  I feel like my responses to statements 'A' and 'B' are different from the ones that NT people would provide if they're being honest. E.  I find autocorrect annoying most of the time. Thank you.  Hope you're having a good day.",3 "Why would anybody want me around or even like me? I’m a 33 year old autistic loser who can’t do anything right. I’ll never ever amount to anything, especially video editing and voice acting which are my passions. On top of that, I enjoy spending time at theme parks. I’m a complete loser and that’s all I’ll ever be",2 "I get anxiety attacks / panic attacks, when I get triggered... But when I'm not triggered I still anxious and sick 24/7... I have 0 energy and I feel extremely bad. My OCD is back, I want to wash my fingers so often at the moment, when i try to fight it, i freeze and overthink, and my scalp starts burning and I just stand there, in some sort of mental hell... because of my concussion history, i measure how far my head is from things, that could hurt it, i fear getting chemicals from oils/facecreams etc. into my eyes and loosing my eyesight. I seek reassurance, i doublecheck everything. I feel like I'm going crazy. I second guess myself, i doubt everything, i doubt everything i hear/see/feel, and i have to doublecheck that whatever i heard/saw/felt, was real and valid - otherwise i'm probably going crazy... or thats how my anxiety/OCD works? I've posted this on other reddits too, as i am a bit confused as to what is my anxiety and what is my OCD? I dont know what is what anymore - but i do know, that i need help. I've been on some Xanax like medication for the past 10 days, but those we're temporary. I still have some more, but the doctor told me that it's addictive and that it wont work longterm... I want to take them, because it calms me down... but on the other hand, he said it was more like, if it got really bad and i ended up in bed again? But it's really bad, all day, every day... And i want to lie in bed, I can't find the energy to go for a walk, meditate or a tiny workout. I'm on 150mg Zoloft, I've been on it for like 2 months or so now. I've been on it for a long period of time earlier, and it helped then, but back then it was combined with mirtaszapine and abilify. Now it doesn't do anything, in fact - I'm wondering if its making it worse? I feel sick 24/7, I'm extremely jumpy, I'm afraid of being afraid, I'm afraid of getting a shock, I'm 1000% on guard/alert 24/7, like.. ""What did i see there?"" ""What was that sound?"" I try to meditate and go for small walks - even did some ""at home body exercises"", I ended up doing too much and crashed. (I also have Post Concussion Syndrome, so I get fatigued easily - and anxiety zaps all my energy :S) I can't sit around and focus on my breath/meditate for 12-16 hours a day, to escape existence? And I don't have the energy to distract myself through other activities that i love, such as playing video games or making music. I talk to a psychologist and she helps... I'll go to the psychiatrist in about a week... TL;DR: I take meds, they dont work, feel anxious/sick 24/7 - what to do? thanks for all your support - you're wonderful <3",1 "DAE struggle with this? I went to my gyno today whom I haven’t seen since before the pandemic. Since then, I have quit drinking (sober 9 months now), quit smoking cigarettes, been diagnosed with PTSD, started exercising, and struggled through months and months of therapy to try to take care of myself. Not only did the doc breeze through my paperwork for all of about 6 seconds but instead of seeing the progress I made, it was all about what I still need to do. Go outside for some exercise! ...hard to do most days when I can’t leave my house. Try to vape less! ...sure, I’ll work on that in between figuring out if my dad is a rapist or not... Eat healthier! ...yes, right after I’m done crying alone for an hour, I will go make a healthy meal that doesn’t sound good at all. SO glad it’s only once a year with her.",3 "I can't stop drinking. I have horrible dreams, sometimes related to trauma, but often times just really really terrible and dark and gory. I get sleep paralysis and sometimes lay awake with all my lights on until the sun comes up so I can finally sleep. I've ruined my closest relationships because of it. I don't trust myself to become close to people anymore because I am ashamed when they see me having PTSD attacks. I lash out and am angry and mean. I'm only 28. I can't even use my degree because my triggers are in the field. It feels like everything I do is to avoid remembering. I've been in therapy for so long and it isn't helping. I don't know what to do.",3 "I have been working in retail for a few years already, but I feel like it started to be too much overwhelming. Especially after today. It was like the worst day ever.(exceptionally high number of loud annoying kids and rude adults) Any advices are welcome.",3 The part of my head that says everyone would be better off all the time just keeps yelling and drowning out the other part that says it’s not true,2 "With every asignment at school, I want to be done with it as soon as possible and when done, I am comfortable again. This eats up my energy, especially with big asignments. The reason I do this is fear. I cannot afford te risk of not meeting the deadline: a resit takes up time I need for the next semester, failing the resit means having to do it the next year. I don't understand why the system is build like that. If I want to learn something, It is better to just let me learn it properly, without a deadline and until I have really mastererd it. They don't give you time for such things. How can I be good at the subject then? Becoming a software engineer takes practice, but they don't give you the time to practice. Now I have no choice but to learn things short therm and then forget a lot again. Any tips?",3 "Whenever I'm sad, depressed or suicidal I feel a ""sharp cold"" on my torso. Sometimes even on my upper legs and arms. I'm pretty sure it's a psychological thing because I wore like 5 hoodies at the same time and it wouldn't go away. Also the ""sharp cold"" comes when I'm sad and gradually leaves when my mood gets better, also the country I live is pretty hot so I doubt it's a physiological thing.",2 "i haven’t ate in about a week, no water just soda. i haven’t got out of the house since i left school to do all online instead. I sleep 14+ hours a day. at this point i’m just hoping that i slowly rot and die so i stop hurting everyone. i just want to quit feeling this way. i’m so overwhelmed. i just want it to end. i guess in a way it’ll be nice, i don’t have any friends to give closure to, so no one will be sad",2 "Realising you're not special. Realising no one really cares about you. Realising everyone else is more beautiful/successful/intelligent than you. Growing to hate yourself more and more each day. Getting one step closer to dying alone every day. Fading away from your friends and family. Becoming cynical. Feeling your crippling self hatred growing. Realising how futile your life is.",2 I was diagnosed with PTSD at age 21 (almost 8 years ago from a traumatic event at age 6) over the years I have had times where details are hard to remember. Is that normal? I also only remember a previous traumatic event every so often and very vaguely with extreme emotion. I am seeking treatment. I have had EMDR previously but well insurance is always changing it didn't get very far. Is it possible there's more that I've repressed? Sorry for the incoherence.,3 "I knew it was a massive and difficult step, from not letting anyone in the room for more than a few minutes to letting someone sleep in my own bed. Even though I changed the sheets and cleaned the whole room before and after because the intrusive thoughts were getting bad, I am proud of myself. She is coming to sleepover again this friday, and I hope it goes well.",1 I usually feel depressed when I feel the need of someone and have no one to talk to,2 "So I realised this when I watched Dune for the second time at the cinema today (I won’t discuss any spoilers/plot here don’t worry). I came away after the first viewing really impressed but also a bit lost in regards to many of the characters and everything. On second viewing I noticed that I had missed SO much of the dialogue and even some general chunks of 20-30 second moments in some scenes. I could finally put the puzzle together and realise what was actually happening. It wasn’t the fault of the film at all, it makes everything very clear. I just constantly zone out, get distracted thinking about something other than the film, or generally struggle to keep up with moments of dialogue. I just wish I could focus on the actual films and not constantly get distracted by random trains of thought. It doesn’t help that I work in the industry so I’m constantly geeking out over the cinematography. Maybe it’s made worse because of that. But I wanted to know if anybody else finds it hard to focus during films (even interesting ones they like) and miss big plot points or important information.",0 "Every moment I’m awake, I think. Sometimes, my thoughts grow wings and fly, so when I speak, mostly, I’m chasing my thoughts. They’re like— balloons. Imagine a horizontal door. And every 3 seconds, the door opens upwards, and releases 900 helium filled balloons. The balloons are different colours, and they’re all floating away. And every time you catch one, you become aware of every other balloon that’s escaping. But you only have two hands, and two hands are not enough to catch all the colourful floating balloons. Maybe someone can relate. Anyways, I should get out of my head.",0 "I used to obsess on phone cases. Watching drop test videos. Finding the best military grade case. I did a similar thing with phone battery life. I bought 3 spare batteries and 3 spare chargers for my old Samsung phone. Try to think about these things, like the autistic “tin can stacking” phenomena. Look on Wikipedia of the autistic boy stacking up the tin cans, higher and higher. You can keep building layer after layer of phone cases, like stacking the tin cans higher and higher. Or, just be more careful with your phone. The best way to secure a phone, is to carefully place it in your pocket. To switch pockets if you are sitting near the car window, so that it’s in the opposite pocket. So it doesn’t crack against the wall. To hold the phone with 2 hands. To put down any bags you are holding, on the floor. To then take the phone out of your pocket, with 2 hands, do your task. Then put the phone back in your pocket. Pick up the bags. Dyspraxia often goes with autism. People with dyspraxia often overlap tasks. Such as, clumsily drag phone out of pocket, while barely holding your bag with a few fingers. Then the bus driver stops to let you off. Then you lack the social skills to ask the bus driver to wait a while as you gather belongings. Then, you drop your phone on the floor. And the phone case likely fails to protect the screen entirely. If you are then intently waiting for the bus to stop at the right spot, then you are unable to be productive while sitting on the bus. You are then stuck in OCD-style checking behaviour. Obsessively listening out for the right bus stop. You are obsessively watching for the right bus stop, in case you somehow accidentally miss it, then have to scramble together your phone, bags etc. The correct procedure is to take your time, and communicate with the bus driver. If you take your time, you will surely not drop your phone. Thus, the solution is, you don’t need a phone case at all. You just need to be more careful with your phone. You need to simply communicate to the bus driver, to give you a while to gather your belongings. If the bus driver doesn’t hear you, speak louder, wave your arms, ask other passengers to help you communicate the message. Also note, autism and allergies. Phone cases can contain rubber, and latex. I personally was getting pins and needles and numbness, from simply holding my phone case. I took off the phone case, leaving nothing but the phone. Sure enough, the allergy went away. Autism and phone cases. A fascinating topic.",3 " Today, I went to my family doctor to talk about feelings I have been experiencing for most of my life. I left feeling unsatisfied and feeling like he brushed me off. What is this? I expected a little more. The number one thing I read online is to ask for help no matter what the situation is. After many years and mental battles I finally reached my limit and decided to see my family doctor. It took so much energy for me to finally come to this decision. It surely had to be worth it. It is something I thought I would never ever do in my life, yet I found myself waiting in the waiting room. I had no idea what to say or how to say it. I was running through all the possible scenarios that could be manifested into reality. I just wanted a feeling and reassurance that something is being done with my defective mode of existence. It's the beginning of being better and there was an unfamiliar feeling of hope which I have never felt before. Perhaps once in some dream. I enter his office and begin talking. I tried to communicate my experiences and feelings and what struggles I am facing and what abnormal things I am aware of. I believe I suffer from depression. I also believe that one major contributor to my depression is ADHD. I believe that these two things caused my life to just start going downhill for a long time. I would hope that it would stop but it never did. His responses was generic advice that I have learned from numerous self help books and videos. How I have to shift my mentality. Focus on the good things in life. Go traveling. I am in control etc. I already know all of this. I have tried it countless times. No matter what I cannot seem to change. Every day I am constantly feeling: irritable, fatigued, unmotivated, sad and depressed, restless, disgusted, sometimes insomniac, sometimes sleep all day, hopeless about my life and future, suicidal, etc. I asked what are the next steps and he told me to just try and do what he told me to do and that he is here to help me. I thinks he thinks I am in need of a guidance counselor and not a psychiatrist or therapist. I don't think a guidance counselor will help with my low self worth / self-esteem issues and wanting to erase myself from existence or help my brain stop suffering and ruining my work, school and relationships caused by undiagnosed adhd. I am tired. I am at my limit. I went to get help and I am still feeling lost and hopeless. I don't know what to do. I want to be professionally evaluated. I want to finally do something about my life.",2 "I have OCD, but I don't know how bad. I see posts on here that I relate to, and others that I don't. But one thing occurred to me, I often go through stages of being obsessed with an item, design, gifting (Reddit Secret Santa), season, etc and go overboard with purchasing things. I don't spend more than I can afford, so I never really thought much about it. Some of my obsessions: body wash, eyeshadow, season/holiday themed decor/dishes (Dollar Store is a great place to find things!), mugs, blankets, crafting supplies, and unique/vintage fur/leather purses. I enjoy crafting, but I'm not very good (don't have a lot of patience). My craft room is FILLED with halfway finished and unopened boxes of various craft - building miniatures, puzzles, various paper crafts. I can't find the motivation to finish anything. I keep wanting to try new crafts (like that punch embroidery thing, don't know what it's called), and when I dive in .... I really dive in. I don't buy one kit, but three or more. Then I never touch them. I don't know where I wanted this post to go. Just some idle thoughts on my obsessions. Or are they obsessions? Aren't they just hobbies? Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?",1 "I can rarely order anything in person or talk on the phone without the other person being confused. I thought it was me until I paid closer attention to what actually came out of my mouth and realized it makes full grammatical sense, yet apparently it is a “miscommunication” because the other person didnt understand it. Why cant people understand English sentences? Here is an example: I went to a kava bar and ordered kava. They mix their kava with apple juice because they personally feel like kava tastes bad by itself. So I told the girl that I just wanted a cup of plain kava, without the juice or any flavorings. She looked annoyed and bewildered and gave me a cup with powdered kava and no water. She was even more annoyed when I told her that any rational person would have realized that by plain/no flavorings I meant in water and not dry powder.",3 "I know that diagnoses are a delicate thing, but I always wanted one, because it is clear that I'm struggling, and I always wanted to know what it is. It turned out that the diagnosis is PTSD and paranoid personality disorder. Ant it may sound strange, but it is such a relief for me to finally know that there is a real problem in the first place, and what it is in the big picture.",3 "After the lockdown, I would get random tiggers and would hear voices like “you have depression” and when I see a knife, I get images of cutting myself and then I would get breaks until it would continue again. Early this year, I was having thought that I was trans and all the stuff. After my grandmother died, that’s when things went south. My thoughts would continue and it will tell me what’s real and recently, I got a triggered and my mind is telling me that “you’re gay” and “you always like guys”. I know that my mind is making up lies, but I’m afraid that they’re telling the truth. Mental Illness fucking sucks",1 " I wish someone had at least been mean to me. I wish at least one bad thing had happened to me. I wish I had reasons for how I feel. I wish I could blame this on something I had to go through. But everyone was always nice to me, I was always loved, I always had friends, I never had any actual problems. I don’t have the right to feel like this, it doesn’t make sense. Why do I feel like my life is the worst when actually nothing is wrong? I am the issue, not my environment or the people around me. It’s not because my parents failed me or because someone was mean, no, it’s all because deep inside I’m a failure who can only make mistakes. If someone else was me they’d be happy. Someone definitely wishes to be me and I’m not even grateful, all I can do and think about is destroying my life. It’s all all my fault, my mind is stupid and wrong. It doesn’t make any sense, I will never be able to live a happy life because no matter how good everything around me is I will still feel this way. Even if I become a millionaire and find my soulmate, I would still feel this way. I will never get out of it because I am trapped in my own mind, you can’t run from that and even if you do, it’ll always catch up eventually. No matter how much you try to exercise and go out, do things that bring you joy or spend time with people you love, in the end you will lay in your bed again wishing you were gone and forgotten. No matter how excited you are for something, you will still wish for a car crash while you’re driving to the occasion. You‘ll still wish that a stranger stabs you when you’re out with your friends and having fun.",2 "So I'm developing symptoms of OCD again, not just obsession with cleanliness, but also obsession with upsetting my mother and constantly fearing her. My psychiatrist couldn't raise the dose of my OCD medicine, Fluoxetine, any higher, but instead raised my Strattera to sixty milligrams as his only other alternative. And the reason is because Strattera also works with anxiety and depression, including possibly OCD, and not just ADHD. For some added context, I don't have a job right now, I'm thirty-two years old and autistic, I still live with my mother, and I've been in quarantine for over a year and five months. All of this should be a recipe for me to worsen my OCD, and I haven't gotten a chance to talk to the DVRS in a long time to help me find and keep a job, or sign up for the Rutgers Center for Adults with Autism Services. Add in my body adjusting to the Fluoxetine for several years, and it just further worsens my OCD. Was he in the right to prescribe me to a higher dosage of an ADHD medicine like Strattera, just to treat my OCD?",1 "I’ve spent the last few months slowly learning to cry again bit by but, which is fantastic. The moments are still super rare, but it’s a miracle to me they’re happening at all, and I’m grateful! Uh, but the problem is, it’s been so long I don’t remember how to fix it afterwards? On a practical level, I mean? I just had a 2 AM flashback and literally could not stop crying for over fifteen minutes and this is the first time in over seven years I cried so long. So now I’m trying to not wake my roommate, and also figure out what to do to fix my face and my shakiness—I know I need to drink water to hydrate, snd the chemical dump from the flashback will fade out of my system within 1-2 days over time, but—is there anything that helps with super puffy eyes? Mine feel bruised now. And I’m still really tense but can’t seem to relax my muscles even with breathing exercises. Do you have any advice? Should I try cold or heat or anything? I have a work meeting in the morning that I have to look like not-a-corpse for and I’m already going to be short on sleep lol. Any tips would be great, thanks!",3 "Was reading another thread where I saw some really good ones like “high-powered computer with shitty ram” and “a race car with bald tires”. Thought those were clever and fun as hell. I feel that maybe seeing what other’s use will help us all out when we need to explain what it’s like to be us. Personally when explain to people what it’s like to be on medication vs. going without, I usually tell them that, “Meds are like my glasses. Without it, I can see but everything is blurry and not clearly defined. Once it take it, lines get sharper and I can see the path ahead clearly”. Very interested to hear everyone else’s take! Edit: Two hours of work and I login to see a 700% increase in comments! Will try to check everyone’s metaphors out. Some of the ones I’ve read so far are pretty spot-on and definitely have multi-use applications! Edit 2: Wow! Logged back on after work to see this has blown up toward the end of my day. Will definitely try and read as many as possible, but loving what I’ve seen so far! Keep it up you awesome hyperactive attention impaired…",0 "**warning:** This post is very triggering. I know what it's like to have OCD and just reading something can make people do ""rituals"" and try to ease their intrusive thoughts. main triggers in this post: blasphemy, satan, suicide, self harm. It's a *very* long story and I won't go into detail. But basically I had OCD since I was in 1st grade. My OCD revolved around religion (my ocd is specifically named ""scrupulosity""). When I was 9 years old my dad tried to kill my mom right in front of me. Ever since then, my OCD exacerbated. I became super-christian because I always lived in fear at home and loneliness at school. I loved god very much but it resulted into something very toxic. I would pray for hours. I would say the same word(s) over and over. For example, if I mispronounced any word in prayer like ""amen"" I would have to start all over again. My OCD became a learning disability at school and I would always re-read and re-write things. I was afraid of writing the number 6 and I had to make sure all my ""t""s look like crosses. My OCD eventually made me self harm. If I ever committed a sin or had a bad intrusive thought, I would hurt myself. I would make the shower hot, scratch myself, lick the walls etc. One time I couldn't bring myself to cut my own skin, so I asked my sister to do it for me...I was only 12 by the way. My OCD was becoming too much. I revoked my faith as a christian. Because I didn't know I had OCD, I believed that religion was evil. I decided to act upon every intrusive thought that crossed my mind. If I had intrusive thought, like ripping the bible, I would do it. I didn't know my intrusive thoughts weren't my own. I gave my life to satan when I turned 13. I wanted liberate myself from my religion, when really I just wanted to be free from my disorder. When I revoked my faith, my intrusive thoughts disappeared. It turns out all this time I was actually a gifted student. I got A's in school and awards. However, I eventually became depressed and suicidal when I turned 14. After suicide attempts and no sleep, I gave myself brain damage and now I'm very forgetful. I'm no longer gifted. by the way this post isn't meant to say ""religion is evil"". It's not. The worst thing about OCD is that it ruins the people and things you care about the most. OCD doesn't allow you to live normally. My story shows how damaging it is to person who doesn't know they are suffering from OCD. I believed I was the worst person on the planet when it was just my OCD ruining my life. This is why people should stop using OCD as an adjective. Saying ""I'm so OCD"" is like saying ""I'm so cancer"". I also wish OCD was more taught in schools. All of the problems I have today could've been easily prevented if everyone was just taught what OCD *actually* is.",1 "The other night at a funerary luncheon, I was discussing with my family members my recent diagnosises of ADHD and Social Anxiety. My 23M sibling looked at me, and said ""no, there's no way that you have social anxiety because you're so social."" Context: My 23M brother doesn't have ASD like me, but his social skills are not as good as mine. I'm fairly social and work a sales support role. I have a large circle of acquaintances, and multiple close friends. However, I constantly am worried if people actually like me and frequently question my worth to others. And of course, I fret over making sure I follow socialization ""norms"". to this weekend I was very stressed because funerals overwhelm me, and I didn't know how I should conduct myself. So when he said that, I tried to explain and defend myself, and he kept insisting that I don't have anxiety because I know how to talk to people. Has this happened to anyone before? If so, how do you handle it?",3 "Have not slept in almost 24 hours, I still went to bed as usual just didn’t sleep at all. It’s now the morning took elvanse as usual, it’s been a couple hours and not really noticing much difference I’m meant to be cracking on with an essay but still struggling to focus. The solution to this is definitely to just sleep more. Just wondering if anyone else have this problem?",0 currently losing my mind about my grades and being good enough.. pls k*ll me i cant,1 "It’s the clickbait titles & intros and repetitive topics constantly for me. It seems to be just a channel for revenue, especially after this last upload. “If your baby has these three traits then it’s autistic!” https://i.imgur.com/RRlFDgc.jpg",3 "I have an interview tomorrow and I’m wondering if it would benefit me to disclose to them that I’m diagnosed with PTSD and Panic Disorder. I just have a lot of anxiety when it come to working because I will have panic attacks in public so I’m not sure whether or not to let an employer know.",3 "She. Literally. Thinks. I. Am. Faking. The intensity. Of. My. Intrusive. Thoughts. For. A. Diagnosis. no because this is pushing me over the edge. talking about hocd and pocd intrusive thoughts at all is extremely difficult but ON TOP OF THAT she doesnt believe me and thinks i have some weird plot?? ive had enough. im done with this life.",1 "It’s not that my therapist, can’t see me much anymore. It’s that I’ve been in a better place emotionally, and been feeling happier. Which 100% means you can to. I used to be insanely depressed and suicidal to a point where I was almost hospitalized. So my main point of this post, is that you can do it and get better! I believe in you :)",2 "I dunno if this is the right sub but I've been on a downward depressive spiral for the past three years. Things used to be good and even though I'm naturally a worrier and a pessimist it wasn't on my mind 24/7 like it has been since the R word happened for the first time. Essentially I was made redundant from my job and to me it was more than just a job, it was the only time I've ever been good at something and felt valued and it was the only place I felt I could be myself and felt comfortable. Then it vanished and there was nothing I could do about it and it wasn't my fault. To this day I've never understood it or gotten over it. I wish I could like other people but it's happened twice again since and I just don't know how to cope because it's coming upto Christmas and I can't afford gifts and I barely have enough to make rent. I've barely been eating regularly and I have no motivation to get out of bed. If I could go back to when I used to be happy I would take it in a heartbeat. There have been attempts in my past but now I just feel like a shell and I wanna go into the void even though I don't wanna break anyone's heart. Today is the last time I'm gonna see my mum and I wanna give her such a big hug because I'm just not strong enough to go on. Sorry to unload but its easier than saying this to loved ones",2 "Hello People As it says above, I don't know what to do anymore. I am currently in a psychiatric hospital. I have been diagnosed with ADD, depression, a generalized anxiety disorder and yes. I had to repeat a class in school 3 times. School has always been an absolute nightmare for me. I slept on the table for years and got chronic back pain as a result. I am desperate. The pain finishes me off. I can't possibly distract myself with the ADD and the doctors here don't quite know what to do. I'm just crying and scared. My idea now was to try lisdexampetamine. I didn't tolerate Ritalin at all at that time. Had a violent rebound. Intense tension. Strong artificial concentration, which was extremely unpleasant. What are your experiences with the drug? I could also use a few words of encouragement. Thank you guys I love you!",0 I was touched in 4 or 5 grade. Can't remember which one for some odd reason idk By a girl about my age. I can't remember hardly anything. I'm worried that people won't believe me. We were friends and I did have a crush on her but we were both too young and I personally didn't want or have any knowledge about sex or that kind of stuff. We were in school watching a movie in science class. Sitting together. She starting touching me and unzipped my pants ant out her hands in my underwear and touched me. I never gave consent. I wanted to tell her to stop or do something to make her stop but I was frozen from fear and anxiety. I was only 10 or 11 at that time. Now I'm 16 and a sophomore. As a boy I feel so depressed and have flashbacks. I remember the feeling of her touching me. I ended up becoming obsessed with her untill she moved back in 2017 I think. I suspect she also emotionally abused me as well because she always accused me of cheating when she was the one cheating. She told me to burn my family house down. She controlled my life for years. Idk if I'm just insane and I feel like this was my fault. I should have pressed charges on her when I had the chance but that was during when I had this odd obsession for her. Is this my fault? As a man I feel weak and unworthy to be called a male. I hope someone can help me and yes I was diagnosed with PTSD but I don't know if I'm just making it a bigger deal then it is. I'm just so depressed and don't care about anything. Nor I don't have the energy for anything. I'm always numb or angry,3 "Having depression brings in tons of effects. There are even side effects of the effects. The list just goes on. I'm sure that people with severe depression like mine knows that situations can get real bad to the point of having no routines, lack of basic self-care and losing sense of time. For me all these combine to oversleeping daily. I'm always fatigue no matter how much time spent on sleeping. Sometimes I sleep to escape the unforgiving reality I'm in or the stress I'm facing at the moment. But most of the time I just can't get out of bed and fall asleep very easily any time of the day. I have basically almost no routine I can keep up with and no sense of time which made me develop a cycle of sleep and waking up multiple times throughout the day. Well, the point of me writing this post is to tell people about the real effects of depression oversleeping. At first, nothing was really noticeable and it was a relief to use sleep as an escape from reality. But as time went by I noticed that nowadays I can't function during the day at all and I'm in my 20s. Aside from brain fog, memory loss, slight impair cognitive function and speech slowdowns, I don't even have the energy to stay awake for 5 hours. I became very groggy. My thought process, speech and physical movement everything became slower. I realized this when I had to go out for the whole day. More recently I felt like something isn't quite right with my heart function. I don't know how to describe it but something just doesn't feel right. In short, I became more physically weaker and mentally slow due to oversleeping because of depression. It's no joke that depression is a silent killer in all ways. I don't know how long I'll live or that I even want to continue living at all. Hopefully anyone who reads this post or is in the same situation as me can have a realization much earlier than me that this is no good at all.",2 "I am wondering if as a result of my trauma, that it triggers a need for the world and people to be good and better (nicer, compassionate etc). I say that as i sometimes get confused whether its my conditioning or its my innate want and desire. Curious if others who have had traumatic experiences feel this need deeply now? thanks",3 "I enjoy circling around the room and listening to music as it calms me down but I realised I spend so much time doing it, sometimes 3 hours a day. Is there a way to either get rid of this behaviour or replace it with another useful one?",3 "i never saw a kid nude. if i saw one i don't know how to react to it if i saw a girl child nude. i don't know how to react to it if i saw a kid nude. i am worried that it might be because i am capable of molesting children",1 "After being unable to put myself to work, after created excuses, after telling myself that x will work for me or if I do y with x I will start to work, after watching useless videos in YouTube. After not prioritizing what truly is important, after I used my grandparent (he is doctor) to increase my useless medicine which didn't help but make my condition worse, after searching more and more ways to delay putting myself to work, after all, I have done it; today at 6:30pm is my aerospace engineer midterm, and I could not be less prepared, more disappointed and more frustrated with myself. I have not turned in not even a single homework, I have not studied a single part of the book, I have not understand anything of what's going on in the lectures. I'm currently unable to even open the book because of the immense fear I have right now of falling. And the worse of all is that I promised my mom that I would not give up, that I would put all my efforts to get good grades and be working, that all her efforts to give me the best opportunities in life would not be in vane. I have failed to her",0 "That's basically it. I got prescribed Adderall yesterday and I feel like I have a grip on my life for once. I'm just worried I'll gaslight myself into thinking I'll be horrible without it. What do you have to do to prevent or know you're becoming addicted? I don't want to feel broken and scatterbrained but I also don't want to do it too much. My doctor said to take it twice a day (morning, early afternoon) at 10mg each, but I have a psychologist (that gave me the adhd diagnosis) that recommends taking it only when needed. I don't have a problem at work, when most people (including him) think you need it. I can be busting ass for minimum wage but sleeping on six months of unfolded laundry for a bed sheet. Should I use it only on days off/non-work hours? Should I try out using it as it was prescribed or go with a work/school only approach?",0 " Throwaway for obvious reasons. Ever since about six months ago I have these extremely fuzzy but pronounced memories in my mind. I (m)would often sleep at my older cousins(m) house and we would always just chill and play cod or other video games. I dont really keep in contact but I still see him every now and then and things are fine. But I've been having these weird memories that I cant get out of my head. I have one of us looking at his dads playboy magazines together, than I think maybe shortly after being in the bathroom while he was in the shower. Its cringey to say but I think i remember him telling me to lick his penis on the other side of the glass ( I was on the outside of the shower and he was in the shower and he pressed it up against the glass) it sounds rly silly now that I type it out but I cant shake the memory or the feeling it gives me. I've struggled with anxiety and depression my whole life due to other reasons as well. Ive always felt lesser than all my peers and almost subhuman like everyone is just superior to me. Do you think my mind just made these memories up? I dont want to say anythint because it that is the case I could not live with myself if I falsely accuse him of something like that or don't wanna make a fuss. Im really concerned and confused rn and I finally decided to post on reddit. Any thoughts?",3 "i told a psychology professor of mine a little about my story, and i am feeling a little exposed and embarrassed rather than relieved. i told her she could ask me anything at all. i really thought it would feel good to finally tell someone. she was so supportive but i still feel like something is wrong. has anyone else ever experienced this? how did you cope with it?",3 Basically my brain is telling me oh bc I did this I’ll never sleep again,1 "Yesterday I was able to wash some of my laundry today, I resisted most of the compulsions and followed through. Everything went well until I came out of the bathroom from a shower. I hear a relative calling me for the plunger, I assume they need to unclog the other bathroom toilet. They then go into the kitchen with it and I start getting anxiety, I remember another relative of mine used the plunger to unclog the dishwasher (they used a plastic bag wrap the plunger), I hear what they are saying and doing. I am 99% sure they were using that plunger to unclog the kitchen sink. As all of this is going one, I stand in my room with a towel on hearing them. I wanted to avoid going out there so I wouldn't have to help. Side Note: Another reason why I hate OCD in general is my selfish behaviors like this I wash my hands in that sink 95% of the time and I need to figure out how to clean the shit out of it. My anxiety started growing and usually when that happens, I get angry and I want to release that anger. But I just calmed myself down and was trying to change my way of thinking as in, instead of my worrying about cleaning the sink, worry if your relative needs help. With someone who has COCD, you know probably know how I'm feeling. Right now I'm in my room and will be going to sleep soon. My relative is telling the whole household to not use the kitchen sink and hold off until tomorrow when they will take a look at it. I will then help them since I would have started my day. What would you guys do when it comes to cleaning this? Maybe posting this in [r/Adulting](https://www.reddit.com/r/Adulting/) would help but I'm posting this from the perspective with someone who has COCD, me.",1 "I could cry. This is the woman who, after not properly communicating she wanted me to do something (she just hinted at it), yelled at me in front of customers, talked to me like I was an idiot and demeaned me, then gave me the silent treatment during entire shifts until I quit three weeks later, while telling the rest of our coworkers lies about me to the point where they also gave the silent treatment to me, ignored me, or just stopped being friendly to me. Facebook recommended I be friends with her and I clicked her profile. Her page was full of posts about being proud to be a teacher to neurodiverse kids and people applauding her in the comments. I feel nauseous. Sorry for the rant or if this is the wrong subreddit.",3 "Sorry, I'm new to posting on Reddit, so excuse the formatting. So I (21F) live with my parents as I am still in post-secondary and not working currently. Now let me say this in the beginning so that no one gets me wrong, I love my parents and they have done everything for me and provided everything. However, they don't think depression is a good enough reason to be able to do something. Now when I get into extremely bad depressive episodes, they can last for a week or longer. meaning that getting up from bed, brushing my teeth, showering, keeping my room clean can get extremely challenging. So that's one thing they already get angry with me for. And I've tried explaining how my depression affects the things I do but it's always the same. And I understand it's from them being immigrants and having the years they should've enjoyed used to work and support their family. So seeing a kid, who hasn't been uprooted from their home at that age. doing things they should be doing in a normal living circumstance, they don't understand them. And every day I'm compared to other family members' kids and how I should be a certain way and how much better I could be if did things differently in my life and it just makes me feel more like shit. The only happiness I get is from the kind of outlandish things for brown immigrants, which are tattoos and piercings, art, and music. And out of consideration, I tried to find ways to work around them, like getting body-safe markers and drawing the tats myself or getting fake piercings but even those I got in so much trouble for. I used to cut and lately, it's feeling like I'm going break soon and go back to that so i thought maybe someone on Reddit who can relate or even just someone who wants to be sad with someone could help ease the thought",2 "i just want to stop hurting. i don’t know how to live with this much pain. one of the most terrifying parts, i don’t know exactly what this pain is. fear, loneliness, abandoned and abused? i just know i can’t imagine feeling as if this is all my life will ever be. god, forgive me if i can’t.",2 "Sorry if I used the wrong flair. I am looking for advice not giving it. But the title basically says it all. I am trying to find different ways to manage the PTSD because what my therapist is having me do doesn't seem to be working. And if anyone is curious, my therapist makes me draw out my trauma. All help is appreciated.",3 "yeah.. so I’m currently inpatient and I was diagnosed w depression, GAD, social anxiety and ednos, also e-bpd all about a year ago(ish). I got a report back today saying that I also have ptsd and I’m just.. idk . I guess it makes it more real but I spent so long trying to convince myself it didn’t happen. So I’m going to tell my story. HUGE HUGE TRIGGER WARNING, PROCEED CAREFULLY - - _ _ _ _ _ When I was 12, I was on my way home from school. It was the middle of January and so it was p much dark at around 6.15. I was smoking in the car park a few blocks away from my school. And a man came up to me w a knife and told me to go with him. I was terrified. So I followed him, for maybe 10/15 minutes. Then I saw another guy. He was the lookout. The first guy started to touch me. And then he raped me. And I am so so fucking angry. It was a total stranger. I’ll never know who he was. I’ll never know the right person to be angry with. I was 12 fucking years old. But for some reason I still think it’s my fault. I know it was my fault. But anyway if anyone had any advice on processing the diagnosis it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks",3 "Hello. I was diagnosed with c-ptsd due to years of childhood trauma. It's easy to manage for me and at this point it's normal. But I believe on top of this now, I have ptsd from being around several gun shootings. I am unsure of how to handle this. What triggered it again was witnessing and being extremely close to a shooting early this morning (2 am). I am having a hard time trying to work through it right now. I have work I need to do and I can't even start. I know my next step will be letting people know what happened so work isn't the issue at the moment. I just want to feel normal again, and I can't get there. I called my mother this morning and the moment she asked me what happened, I felt the same way I did when it happened. I started shaking and I could barely speak. I wanted to run away, but I'm safe right now so where would I run? I am venting and also looking for some advice. Are there any coping strategies that you can recommend? Thank you.",3 "Idc of anyone reads this, this is just some stupid rant bc i never go to therapy. Got into a fight with my brother's gf again, not gonna say what about, but she got a hold of my Spotify because I accidentally shared it to her Xbox instead of mine, so she decided to delete all my songs from it. I've tried to stop her from doing it multiple times, but everytime I ""forget the device"" she just joins back whenever I log into it, so i've had to delete that. I also recently got my xbox back, and have only very recently turned it on because I was stressed out (from her harrassment and threats) and decided to play a game, only to find out that she had somehow gotten into my account (which had a password, all of my accounts did) and uninstalled all of the games on it, as well as the apps like Spotify and youtube. She knows full well that I don't have internet, and that I can't afford to buy internet, so I can't redownload any of them any time soon. She also wants her tablet back, which is why she's been harrassing me and threatening me. Now I've told her I'm not giving it back until I get all of my belongings in her house back, and that if she calls the cops I'll be telling them the exact same thing. She knows I draw on that tablet, and that drawing makes me happy, so she wants that back. She doesn't need it right away since she has an iPad, and she uses that for everything. She just wants it as fast as possible because she knows I won't be able to draw anymore because of that. She overheard me telling my brother the only things that make me happy; music, playing games with my friends, and drawing. So she decided to take all of those away from me. She's a horrible, manipulative, and controlling person. Whenever I being up the bad things she's done to me (stealing money, encouraging self harm and suicide, bullying), she just says I'm making it up, or it's all in my head, but continues to say she's not manipulative lmao. I know that she was bad news from the day I met her, and I was right to be wary. And now she's done this. My brother owes me money for smokes, but she said that I'm not getting the money until I give the tablet back. But I know I'm not getting that money at all. So yeah, I'm really fucking stressed and I'm not doing too well right now. So much shit has happened this year. Family members dying, friends leaving. I had to give my cats to the point about a week ago, so now I'm alone. And she just has to make everything worse. The worst part is that I kept going back because I want to see my brother, but she gets so upset, and even starts crying when he leaves her even for a few hours, or a single day. It's annoying. And her excuse is ""I'm impulsive, I'm mentally ill"". Like ok, i've got bpd too, and add. So what? I don't just steal people's money, delete their shit, and harrass them then say it's because of impulse. If I hurt / killed someone, would I be able to get away with it just because I have bpd and it was an ""impulse""? Fuck off with that bullshit, that's no excuse. And I get that people act differently with mental illness but c'mon. I'm scared to post this. I'm scared that she'll see it and harrass me, call me a liar, etc. But I'm stressed and I just need to talk.",2 Me and my roommate lived together and worked together we were best friends. One morning I went to wake him up and he wasn't waking up.. I was yelling I was screaming and then I called 911 she told me to start pressing on his chest so I did until I threw up. He was so cold but I just thought he was cold and sleeping really good. I can't get my friend out of my head. The flashbacks are so bad. Like what if woke up earlier could I have saved him? What if I made him stay in with me the night before then he wouldn't of been hanging around people he should have never been with. How do yall handle this? My heart just hurts everyday. Sorry for talking about all this have a good night yall.,3 "I’ve been prescribed 30mg of Vyvanse and while there is many great positives (focusing,motivation,quietness) I have been experiencing some pretty weird side effects such as sporadic depression, anxiety, and coldness. I’ve been told that this is all normal and it is my body adjusting to the medication, so for all those on Vyvanse, how long did it take for you to fully adjust to your medication and/or have your side effects lessen?",0 "Hey, this may sound really, really weird, but I feel the need to record everything to make sure I haven't done anything harmful, haven't gotten in contact with anything I consider dangerous etc. The weird thing is that I don't even watch the videos I've recorded, I just have them as a security measure, just to be safe. I've been experiencing very intrusive thoughts these past few years. The website anxietycanady described them very well. ​ 1. FEAR OF CONTAMINATION This obsession involves a fear of coming into contact with germs, getting sick or making others sick from touching “dirty” or “contaminated” items, sticky substances or chemicals. For example, “I will be contaminated by germs if I pick up this pen off the floor” or “I can be poisoned by lead if I come into contact with paint.” 2. THOUGHTS OF DOUBT This obsession involves constant doubt about whether you’ve done something wrong or made a mistake. For example, “Did I turn off the stove?”;  “I think I made a spelling error on the email I just sent.”;  “I think I threw away something important”; or “I might not have answered that question clearly and precisely enough.” ​ ##### 3. FEAR OF ACCIDENTALLY HARMING SELF OR OTHERS Adults with these obsessions are afraid of harming themselves or others through carelessness. For example, “If I don’t make sure that the door is locked at night, the apartment might get broken into and I might be robbed and murdered”, “If I don’t immediately change out of my work clothes and wash them with bleach, I might bring outside germs home and cause my whole family to be sick.” ​ All of these apply perfectly to me and recording at least takes away most of the stress that comes with them. I've been feeling much worse these past few years since I haven't been able to enjoy a single moment without feeling the need to record it, just for saftey. I'd really appreciate some help here, I know I should probably talk to a therapist, but it's just so embarrassing and I don't want my parents to know... ​ By the way, I feel like I've gotten at least a little better over time. I don't wash my hands as obsessively as I used to, I don't fear any germs when I pick up something from my floor etc., but I just want these thoughts to be gone completely. I'm 21 now and I've had these thoughts for \~3 years.",1 "How soon is too soon? I want to be upfront and talk organically about my life. Diagnosed schizophrenic that doesn’t believe diagnosis, believes has ptsd, doesn’t take medication (recent development, was previously taking antipsychotic). I understand this is really loaded. I’m reaching out to a doctor tomorrow to help with my physical symptoms, and will probably text my therapist soon (hesitant because she engaged me in convo me in public, which I didn’t like). I’m just afraid of being honest about going off the meds.",3 "Out of nowhere i was petting my dog alone amd felt my eyes watering, it feels amazing again tk cry!",2 I haven’t felt the best lately and everyday just keeps on getting harder and harder. All I think about is taking my life I feel like I just can’t find anything positive about my life anymore. Anytime I see anyone they make a comment ab how skinny I am cuz I literally can’t eat and I’ve been very depressed for a long time and I just don’t know if I’m gonna get better. I’ve been feeling very insecure about everything and everything in my life is just wrong. All I think about is taking my life or hurting myself anytime things get bad and I have given in a few times. I feel like I can’t escape my thoughts and everyone around me just adds on to that. I want to move out and be free to live on my own and start over. I’m sick of the criticism I’m sick of it all. Anytime I feel like I’m getting better I just fall back into a deeper depressive state than before. Idk how much more I can take.,2 "Hey sorry I've been posting g so much lately, but man I don't know what to do. I feel like I just keep sliding deeper into this depression spiral and I'm not sure how to get out. I just constantly think about being dead and how it's inevitable. I'm not really thinking of killing myself, but I'd be lying if it hasn't crossed my mind lately. I've tried to get help at university, but every time I try to go for mental health drop ins they are all booked up and it makes me feel shittier. The last month I've either been to anxious to talk to people or to depressed to do anything. It just seems like a viscious cycle and I just want it to stop. I think I may need to try antidepressants again even though they haven't helped yet and fuck with my stomach a lot and I already have stomach issues. Everything just seems to be a mess right now and I don't know how much longer I can last like this. My dream is to get a disease so I have an excuse to just wither away and die. I know it's fucked up, but I'm sure some of you can relate. Anyways any advice or ideas on how to fix this? Thanks in advance.",2 I have been dealing with what I hope is pocd for a long time (it started probably 2 years ago but it wasn't bad until last year) and it has been so terrible. One of the scariest things for me was a dream that I had last July where I rubbed up against an infant and it made me orgasm. When I woke up it scared me a lot and I still think about it. Since then I have not gone more than a few days without masturbating because I don't want to have another one of those dreams. What should I do? On top of everything else I have an addiction to sex and porn and I think these loops only make it worse. I just want to be happy and make this go away.,1 "I recently noticed a trend after only lurking on these OCD message boards. None of us feel very worthy of love. OCD should not be able to steal this from us. Whether you’re avoiding knives because sharp objects trigger unfathomable intrusive thoughts about your loved ones, something I experienced constantly at time, or you have healthy anxiety related to an undiscovered diagnosis that causes you to over attribute normal bodily functions to something more sinister, something I’ve also dealt with this year, we are still deserving of love. We, as carriers of this disorder, are all too aware of how OCD can wreak havoc on relationships. It has been the subject of significant strife in my own relationship and something I have to constantly be open We cannot punish ourselves and isolate. It only leads to anxiety and depression. It takes so much bravery to talk about OCD. We deserve healthy relationships just like others. I wish nothing but happiness and peace for all of us.",1 "Has anyone tried the over the counter NAC supplement (N-Acetyl Cysteine) for help with their OCD? After speaking with my psychiatrist today, he recommended trying it to help with my skin picking. I’m already on Sertraline, which is helping tremendously but it has zero effect on my excoriation.",1 "Hello, I was wondering if anyone here often thinks that their thoughts are being controlled by demons or evil spirits... I am going through a tough time right now. I don't know if things are real, you know? I have started experiencing a fixation on religion (and the possibility of schizophrenia). I have OCD. I don't even believe in god/possession. For a long time I laughed at the very idea of it, but now I think my hands are being controlled by a demon/demons. Before I discovered I had OCD I had been plagued with a constant guilt or sense of responsibility for something terrible, and I thought that god was punishing me and possibly controlling my thoughts/actions. I kind of want to cut my hands off. I am afraid of offending God and yet I don't even worship him. It is a necessity in Islam to pray 5 times a day. I don't pray once a year, and yet I am worried about eating pork and such. Now I think my actions/thoughts are being controlled by demons or a demon... My thinking process is very distressing and hard to explain so I'll try to put it differently. You know how film characters are said to live within the ""four walls"" of a movie set? Well sometimes they ""break"" the fourth wall, by acknowledging or defying their fictitious nature, by directly addressing the viewer or such. Well, if they knew that their breaking of the fourth wall was actually coordinated by a team of story writers, would that be like, a kind of *fifth wall*? This is how I feel. If do something, then think ""oh man I have offended God"", then ""did demons make me do this?"" then ""do demons want me to think they did this as to give me a false sense of understanding about my possession"" then ""do demons want me to know they want me to think that they did this"" and so on and so forth. My coping mechanism is that if I buy say a pork roll and start having these thoughts then I will completely lock onto my decision and not let anything in my head influence it because I think its a demon. But then this whole coping mechanism could be b\*llsh\*t because the demon MADE ME INFINITELY DOUBTFULL ABOUT MY OWN THOUGHTS AND THIS ""COPING MECHANISM"" WAS ITS OVERALL GOAL. But then that could also be fake. I'm sorry if this doesn't have anything to do with schizophrenia. My knowledge of the illness is limited to the internet. Could just be a classic case of overthinking stuff. I would like to extend an expression of heartfelt goodwill, the type offered by saying ""god bless you"" but of course I don't believe in god. So thanks. ​ TL:DR my thoughts are infinitely doubtful and I think I am possessed and I can't trust myself. possibly schizophrenia, or OCD, or something else entirely??",1 "I've been having suicidal thoughts for the past 5 days. I've been diagnosed with moderate depression but if this is moderate depression I'm so sorry for anyone who has to deal with depression on top of other mental illness because this is unbearable. I'm not sure if anything triggered these negative emotions exactly but I will say none of my friends have been speaking to me for the past week and they all know I've relapsed.. I'm not seeking attention I just don't want to feel so lonely. I see people hanging out and I never got an invite. I don't understand that. It makes me think like what did I do? When I say I relapsed I mean I struggle with addiction I relapsed on heroin/fentanyl.. I know other people who struggle with addiction but I wouldn't call them friends just people I get high with. This means I have no one to relate to as far as addiction goes. I feel guilt everyday. I've been lying about staying clean and it's shitty. I went to rehab in may and I had 3 months sober. I was eating better and working out at the gym 5 or 6 days a week while working a job. I also was going to therapy at this time and getting a shot called the vivitrol shot. I just need HOPE. I feel absolutely hopeless like I'll never make new friends or get a girlfriend or find joy or be successful. Getting clean again seems really hard at the moment and I know for me to make any progress mentally I have to but I can't cope lately. If it wasn't for my mother I would just kill myself right now, I have plenty enough dope to do so.",2 "**Disclaimer: I am not diagnosed Autistic but I am perusing a diagnosis at the behest of my therapist. I feel like a lot of the jokes I make are statements that seem so OBVIOUSLY false to me but others (likely due to my monotone voice and flat affect) take very seriously and I need to explain myself and fix the situation because I’ve hurt their feelings. On the other hand, do you often get mistaken for being sarcastic when you are making earnest remarks? I find that I constantly need to explain how much I HONESTLY enjoyed something because the first go-around they assumed I was being sarcastic about it. It’s to the point that I often lead with, “my face isn’t great at showing how I’m actually feeling but know that what I’m about to say is sincere.”",3 "I’m 17 years old and I got diagnosed in June/July i’m not sure. I’ve decided to book an appointment to maybe start taking medication. For the record i get a lot of help from my school already but i still feel like it’s not enough for me to succeed like everyone else. For people who are/have been on adhd meds; Is it the right thing to do? what should I know beforehand? If you’ve stopped taking medication, why? What are (from your experience) some positive and negative aspects of treating adhd with medication? Thank you that’s all have a good day:)",0 "A few years ago, I began having flashbacks of myself standing in my parents bathroom, telling them that it hurt to poop. I remember the two of them having a conversation, and my Dad saying nonchalantly that he should use a spoon to get it out. My mom stayed in the room and did nothing to stop him and did not protest at all whatsoever. When I first began having these flashbacks, I confronted my mom about it. I asked her why they had not taken me to a doctor. She said they had but had only recommended prunes and that I drink a lot of water. When I pressed her further, asking her why they wouldn't consider a suppository, an enema, or baby laxatives. Why they did not consider taking me to the doctor again if what they originally suggested did not work, or that maybe even taking me to a hospital may have been a good idea. After asking her that, she shut down and would not respond. Years later, after establishing a better relationship with my parents by behaving how they wanted me to and following all their demands in exchange for financial stability, after getting my GED and living far away from them for 3 years.. I confronted my dad while on a long car ride. He said his excuse was is that he panicked and had no common sense. Knowing he would deny ever having admitted to it later, and wanting to be able to review the conversation later, I discreetly began to record the conversation on my phone. I asked him why he would ever think sticking a spoon up my ass would ever be a reasonable remedy for my constipation. I asked him the same questions about why they did not just go to a local pharmacy, and get any number of things they could've bought over the counter at any local pharmacy. He said a suppository probably would've worked. I asked him if he was abused as a kid, and he scoffed at the idea. This is then when he turned the conversation back on me, talking about something totally unrelated that was about a situation that involved me suffering from amphetamine psychosis as a teenager. He then said that there was no way I could remember much of anything because of all the drugs I had done, not once, but twice. However, last I checked, I was not using drugs as a toddler. ​ Then, while we were on the topic of drugs. I asked him why he thought it was okay for him and my mother to accuse me of being high one night after coming home one night in the dead of winter in the middle of the night, and demanding I leave the house. We lived in the middle of nowhere, there was no public transport for 2 miles and it would not start running again until the morning. I had nowhere to go, they would not give me a ride, and despite me pleading with them and explaining I was not high and telling them they could give me urine test right there, they would not listen. They were being extremely cruel, and so I called my mother a cunt. My Dad thought this was a justifiable excuse for him to choke me, and then punch me in the face six times. Finally, I had enough of his abuse, as this had not been the first time he had hit me. The previous time was simply because I had accidentally dropped a pizza. I started to hit him back, and my mother got in the middle of the two of us, but because my PTSD had been triggered, I went with fight instead of flight since I had nowhere to go and no ride, I wound up mistakenly hitting her hard as well in the process of trying to defend myself while fearing for my life, My Dad claimed he never remember choking or punching me so could not apologize for it, which makes it so he doesn't need to take any responsibility. He says this about every other time he assaulted me as well. My mother called the police, and I was arrested. I told them I was not high. I told them my Dad choked and punched me, but because no bruises had developed yet, and because the cops in my town always hated me and had assaulted me before themselves, they did not believe me, and I was arrested. I starved in prison for almost a month after that, and was put on probation with drug testing and other terms that were impossible for me to follow since I no longer had housing in that area, causing me to be arrested 5 more times after that. Is using a spoon to treat a child's constipation ever a remedy that could be considered reasonable? IS panic or lack of common sense ever a good enough excuse for this kind of thing? Nowadays my mother denies being in the room when he did that to me and said ""I am so sorry that happened to you, I had no idea."" Now because of my record, the fact that they pawned me off to an abusive ""residential therapeutic school"" for girls and women aged 12-22 from the ages of 15-17 where I was also starved, abused sexually, verbally, and physically, almost killed again more than once since then by other people more than once, have no credit, have only worked a normal job for 2 weeks, and only receive $600 from SSI each month, how can I achieve financial stability and housing on my own?",3 "Before the pandemic started in 2020, I had been diagnosed with rather minor OCD that I was usually able to keep under control. Minor things would bother me like if I got out of the car and didn't audibly confirm my parking brake was on, I'd have to walk back and make sure it was put in park. If i'd go over a bump too close to a car, I would have to go back and check and make sure I didn't hit the car. They were annoying, but it didn't really bother me day to day. Once covid became a thing and we didn't know very much about it, I became excessively paranoid and began overwashing myself constantly. I'm a big guy and was in the high risk group and I wasn't going to take any chances. I washed my hands so often that they would crack and bleed from being so dried out. I personally didn't go into a single non-doctor related building for almost a full year and if I went to the doctor, I came home and immediately showered and put my clothes in the wash. When I was at the doctor, it took everything I had not to have a mental breakdown and cry from having to be around people. In September 2021, I went blind in my left eye and found out that I have multiple sclerosis. This has had an effect on my ability to walk and my mind is often hazy. I question myself often if I've done things and find myself wanting to redo them. All in all this was still manageable. However, in January 2021, I was hit with a UTI (rather rare as a male). This UTI is still persisting today in October 2021. I have surgery at the end of the month that should hopefully get me back on track, but the damage has already been done. I'm now overly obsessed with keeping myself clean. I will wash my hands 3 times before turning off the water and I have to scratch under every nail and count them or I will keep going. Once I get done, I put on hand sanitizer and then go dry my hands off. It's awful. I also won't touch remotes, controllers, or game systems unless my hands are perfectly clean to my top standards. I wipe my keyboard and mouse down 3 times a day with wipes. All of this culminates in my inability to now do many simple tasks without recording myself doing them and writing down each step to verify they were done correctly. The last time I installed windows on a computer, I ended up restarting around 20 times before I finally got it installed to satisfaction. I'm trying my hardest to fight through this. I take two 10mg of Buspirone every day but it doesn't seem to really help. I know that the thoughts and compulsions I have make no sense and that I am doing these things correctly. I just can't shut up that angry little voice telling me to redo things and that I'm doing them wrong. I need help... I would do therapy but I'm in an unlucky situation where I can't get disability or insurance. Thanks for letting me vent a bit and if you made it this far, thank you for listening.",1 "Hi, I know that some of you are already sick of me, but I need to get everything off my chest about this. So since November of last year, I've began to have delusive thoughts about this entity manifesting and taking away my emotions, this gotten so bad that I had no other choice to Google about this, from there it has only gotten worse and the entity became more manipulative, for example it will tell me that I had an hour to give a reasonable explanation to it and if I didn't, I will pay the consequences. It done this so many times in the course of 10 months, it just gotten insane. It threatened to do so many things to me, from threatening to take away my ability to feel emotion, threatening to rake away my ability to feel tired or sleepy, or threatening me that it can change my age and the year I was born in, just because I failed to keep a promise for it and it keeps saying that it is powerful.",1 "I am going to make this as brief ambiguous as I can. I come from a country which ""does not generally produce asylum seekers"". I had so much evidence of torture and degrading treatment. This all happened to me because I am biracial with said country. Both my parents rejected me because my race and just abandoned me when this happened. I was also violently abused as a child. That never caused me major issues like PTSD but now after the torture and things it manifests itself as part of the PTSD. I also have several injuries from torture and beatings. I do not have access to healthcare now. I was subject to gross human rights violations for three years now. I left a year ago and went to a third country to claim protection. I found the UNHCR useless, but I was able to receive counseling from specialist councillors in that country. Despite wanting to say and being able to stay, I had to leave that country for a specific reason (which I don't want to say only to avoid Doxxing myself through google searches or something). I had to leave that country for a forth country. I know I am falling apart but I have no one to help me. My c-PTSD is out of control now and getting worse. I can watch it happening and know there is nothing I can do, I have no money whatsoever. Indeed I have a laptop but otherwise I live on someone's generosity and free meals. I cannot afford counselling here, which is apparently about US$30 an hour, but either way I need a specific type of counselling and there are no such specialists here. I am not at all s\*icidal but I was ready to s\*ash my h\*ad a\*ainst the wall or j\*mp out the window but now I wrote this I have calmed down. The flashbacks are getting worse and worse and I just cant deal with all the pervasive things people of privilege had done to me (person of oppression) for no reason and got away with it. I am up and down but I am at a loss as to what to do. People are choosing to do bad things to me my whole life. Really bad things. And they get away with it. And society looks at me by default like I am the bad one. My hair started falling out in chunks again. Please any advice on how I can control myself and get help would be appreciated. UNCHR doesn't answer phones and emails here... but I am not eligible for their services here now anyway.",3 "I am a 30 year old man and I have a BS in Economics, an MBA and 3.5 years of experience as a universal banker in a retail bank branch here in Bangladesh. I want to get out of the finance sector (banking, finance and insurance) because I am totally burnt out by it. I struggle severely in the social sphere. I am looking for a career that has: * Upward career progression * Makes decent money * Does not have customer service or sales * Has low work hours like 40-50 hrs a week * Is an IT-enabled work. * Has flexibility such that you can take a family member to the doctor's appointments, or attend your child's science fair. * Has minimal amount of face to face interaction. Interaction over video, voice is not a problem. I have a severe problem with eye contact and inability to build a rapport, relationship with people, make people at ease and such. Given my personal circumstances, I cannot get a new bachelors or masters degree but I can do an online remote certification or course program like the Google certifications. Any suggestions on what careers I can switch to?",3 "I think this was made by allistics, but it seems very relatable to us as well: https://imgur.com/T2Z4Arz",3 "TW suicidal thoughts and self harm i'm 16 years old and about two years ago i was caught pretty much naked with my boyfriend by my mom. she's extremely religious and i felt overwhelming shame and guilt after this happened. i screamed and cried and considered suicide that night. she's had problems with him as my boyfriend before and this made it even worse between us. similar events before this had made me suicidal and i would self harm constantly. i usually have panic attacks when talking about that night and i still self harm occasionally since this happened. ever since it happened i'll catch myself dissociating and i have some symptoms of ptsd but i don't know if this is considered trauma or not. i know people go through terrible things so i try not to complain about this but i can barely think about it without getting anxious and feeling guilty. i have anxiety problems anyway so this made it much worse for me.",3 "I’m scared. What if it’s not OCD? What if I’m lying to myself? Yesterday I had a a groinal response and my brain is trying to convince me that I like these thoughts. I can’t deal with this. I don’t want to go outside. I want to chemically castrate myself. I don’t want these thoughts. I’m scared that I might be enjoying them. I’m scared. I’m almost convinced that I am. I want to end it. Sometimes I don’t even feel ancious and I get groinal responses, today I haven’t even reacted until now. Which I’m crying. How do I know it’s just OCD? The worst part is that everything people say to me I start doubting, and it feels very real and it distresses me. I’m scared, I’d rather be dead than be a pedophile. I’m liter suicidal today has been the worst day so far, it feels so real. My appointment with my therapist feels so far away, what if she thinks I’m a paedophile. I hate these thoughts, what if I’m trying to convince myself? I want to end it. I feel like I’m enjoying the thoughts I felt like yesterday I enjoyed a thought and it made me so anxious. I’d rather be dead than be a paedophile even if it’s a non offending one. I’m so scared of the uncertainty, sometimes it feels so convincing. I don’t know myself. I avoid children. I don’t even want to be hospitalized because they put you to see children’s movies and I’m scared. I can’t watch tv because I’m scared. I’m crying. I really want to die. And I think somebody in my previous post thinks I’m a paedophile. I want to kill myself.",1 "Heyo. My OCD has been getting less prominent recently and I’ve run into an issue. When I’m not being occupied by obsessive thoughts and compulsions, I don’t know what to do with myself. I am just waiting for the next obsessive thought. I guess I have had OCD for so long that I’ve forgotten what normal people live like. Anyone have this problem? How did you solve it? Thanks. :)",1 "I don't know why I'm even writing this. Lonier my whole life. It was fine, I just needed a girl. I guess my standards were too high cause I pass on just about all of them. Got burned on my career/college degree job. Decided to work for myself in a different field. Never made any money. I just stayed with my parents in my room for 10 years. But I gave up TV, video games, computer games, and just did good stuff for myself like reading, meditation, exercising, and going out to social events, but nothing ever came of it. Nothing clicked but I never gave up. My horniness pushed me no matter how depressed I got (you read that right). All my master plans involved women in one way or another. But I kept not getting results so I stayed in my room more and more and went out less and less. ""Why bother?"" became the background music of my life when it came to leaving the house. My testicles got injured and my testosterone is a fourth or even less than it was before (right after the injury I went from a thick 5 o'clock shadow every day to only needing to shave once every three days). Now I can't even rely on my horniness to push me to do things. It has been years since the injury and I don't think I'll ever recover to even half sex drive. But I don't want to get on testosterone replacement therapy as I read it messes you up even more. Manual labor was meditative to me, but I keep getting injured because of my low T (testosterone protects your joints). And all the entry-level jobs I get want me to become manager, but I just want to be left alone and make some money. So I keep quitting the jobs I get. But my life of not working is catching up to me. Health issues that I can't pay for. High insurance rates cause I haven't had insurance (car, health, dental, etc.) for so long. **Now I just sit in my room. I have no desire to even play video games or to go out.** I *do* enjoy just going out to get some fresh air or to drive around. One time I was attacked by girls. I was happy to be alive and said ""I'm going to start going out for sure!"" but I just went back to sitting at home the next day. **It's like I have a lobotomy.** There is some kind of disconnect in my brain. I guess it's from 10 years of not socializing. Worst of all, I'm kind of content. While in my room I made material (books, Reddit posts, graphics, videos, etc.) about the stuff I was interested in (self-help, health, politics, government corruption, etc.). I've written about everything I care about. So I'm kind of done with that. So I do feel like I've given *some* contribution to society, and that keeps from me feeling guilty about not working. **I just stay in my room all day doing nothing.** I don't even browse the Internet like I used to. I'll get on Reddit or YouTube to explore a few topics I'm interested in. Other than that I'm just in my bed. I tried therapy several times, but I was never happy with the therapists I found. (I guess I was picky with them like I was with my women.) And my motivation is gone to find a good one. Actually, I think my only motivation is to pay my bills on time. Took a job for a week just to pay this month's bills. I think I'm going to sell my car as prices are high right now. (I don't think I can even find the motivation to do that.) Sucks as I like the freedom, but I don't ever drive it. I thought buying a car would be the answer to all my problems. But, like I said, I never drive it. I don't go anywhere. The problem is obviously in my head. Yes, I've talked to my parents about things, but they just deny it all. Even if other people are doing my wrong, they'll make excuses for them. It's like they're afraid of they admit that other people have ulterior motives, then they would have to come clean about when they lied to me about critical life choices, which they'll never do as their reputation as good parents is EVERYTHING to them, even more important than their own children. My parents wronged me a lot... I also had an abusive grandpa I was staying with and that I would complain to people about. But they were of no help (all I wanted to hear was ""That's horrible!"" or ""You shouldn't put up with that"" instead it was ""Well, what can you do about?"" or ""Where are you going to go, you ain't got no money?"" even though I said nothing about leaving). **But once I cut my grandpa out my life what he did never bothered me anymore. I think I know the answer is to cut my parents out my life, but I don't really have the resources to do that, nor the motivation anymore.** So I just stay in my room doing nothing...",2 "TW: death, suicide (though I am very much NOT suicidal) Over the past year or so, I've developed a fear related to jumping in front of the metro/subway train as it approaches. Specifically, it's more of a combination of visualization of me doing the action and getting an urge to move in that fashion, so as a result I tense up until the train arrives in front of me (and even sit down to try to dissuade myself from doing it). So I have an obsession with the notion that I would actually follow through and have compulsions involving tensing up and sitting down (alongside some rumination). (Again to be clear, I very much do not want to run in front of the train, which is why this is an issue for me.) I've taken trains for much of my life and used subway systems in college and at least a couple of times per week before the pandemic, but I think not taking the trains for a while and elevated anxiety due to the pandemic have caused this fear to set in now that I'm using the metro again. I knew this would be an issue today since I had to ride for a few stops to make a small errand, and I've been reading about how to disrupt the thoughts and compulsions so I tried two different methods today (once while leaving home and once while returning) and was hoping I could get some advice on which one will help more in the long-term. Method 1: Look at my phone and try to focus on apps and social media as the train arrives (pros: distraction, anxiety/stress low; cons: could develop into a compulsion) Method 2: Stare at the train as it arrives and sit with the thoughts, discomfort, and urges (pros: more directly handling the problem; cons: anxiety/stress high, room for rumination) Note that I'm not taking trains that often to be able to practice either of the two methods, but I'm hoping that something along these lines can help during the few times I will be using it. I also think it would get easier if I *were* taking trains every day but I don't have the time, energy, or money to do that at the moment. Is one of these the right idea or should I try something else?",1 "26M I have no one. I live alone in San Francisco and have not one friend in the whole city despite being born and raised here. Extreme social anxiety so I never make a friend, low self esteem from consistent childhood rejection from girls whod laugh at me so I cant trust most people and attractive women Im terrified to show emotion around. I used to overcompensate with my body before It really hit me how worthless I am. I am in terrific physical shape and women stare but its always just an empty compliment about my abs or they just don't say anything at all. I have nothing to live for, no passions, moms dead and im the only fam I have has their own family. Im alone in this dark apartment holding back tears....😞😞 I lost all interests aside from wanting to be in love so I could trust SOMEONE in life, been on anti depressants (zoloft) at least a few months and as soon as I stopped smoking weed I felt just as depressed as I did before I even took them. Every day I walk in this city is a reminder I have no one, every trip full of fresh air is another reminder all these people around me are normal and im broken. I never learned to socialize with strangers. That no one will love me unless I love myself. But the only evidence I have is that im not deserve of love... years of rejection. And lots of left on read. So I try to tell myself I dont need people to be happy, they sure don't need me. Im starting to fantasize about killing other people because I have so much hatred for what I've become and the fact that society threw me away. People in my neighborhood even avoid me, sometimes crossing the street or going inside just so they don't have to look at me... Im not suicide ready but I've been planning things and trying to really make sure I can do it right. Ive been up since 10pm researching ways to be better and I give up. Im so tired of my heart beating,, i want to drink but im am alcholic....be honest, Would I be doing the world a favor?",2 ive never been a good student and for the past 5 years ive been depressed but i failed 3 years in university and i dont want to fail another time . can i study normaly while on antidepressants or you cant focus thank you,2 My therapist says that lexapro could be beneficial for me. I’ve been struggling a lot with my ptsd lately as well as anxiety and depression. The thought of taking antidepressants again scares me a lot cause I’ve had such bad experiences with them. Specially since a lot them have the potential to cause suicidal thoughts which i use to highly struggle with. Plus I’ve heard people online say how it made their symptoms worse. Has anyone had an experience with this medication good or bad?,3 "He's crushed my self esteem to the point where I started cutting myself and wanting to die. Often I wonder why I'm still with him because he's done so many hateful things to me because he wanted to hurt me and degrade me.",2 "Okay, so I have struggled with major depression for a few years now. I have been taking anti-depressants which help with anxiety, but right now, I am feeling trapped because life at work and home has been hectic. I feel as if my only resort to peace and happiness is sleep. I went on a cruise the first week of this month, and it was an amazing experience; it really helped me unwind and find myself while exploring and trying something new. However, even before my trip, I was feeling extremely stressed and depressed due to my work life; it’s a super disorganized workplace, and I feel as if my work goes unappreciated and that I’m being taken advantage of. I have been applying for new jobs, so hopefully I will find something better. However, whenever I come home from work, I’m just so mentally exhausted and get hit with bouts of depression that I can’t even think of doing anything else. Life at home is also stressful because my dad and my brother yell and argue all day long every day. My brother has ADHD and started taking meds, but my dad gets *furious* and yells and threatens to “ruin his life” for not listening or focusing. I’m frankly over the constant fighting; I want to call somebody to help out (kinda like Supernanny only without the television aspect) but don’t want to risk being put out while I’m trying to get my life figured out. It’s frankly demoralizing and I don’t want to live with it. I know that I can’t change the behavior between my dad and brother, but I think some kind of help is necessary. What do I do in that instance? I think my brother needs extensive help with his disorder and my dad needs help managing his temper, but how do I get them that help? And how do I stop feeling trapped like I am now?",2 "Hello everybody! So I went to a psychologist a few weeks back because I was suffering from (what I thought was) depression. I had crippling anxiety from work and would cry every day for no reason. I mean, work was hard and I was very lonely, but to the point of crying every day was a bit too much. Plus, I would not feel motivated at all, and I hadn’t met anyone in months. I couldn’t see a way out even though it was obvious what I had to do, but I doubted my decisions so much… I have always had anxiety, the type where you have a constant heavy weight on your chest, having to count things to feel better, always feeling uneasy and restless and always having a fear of not being productive..However, I guess I kind of got used to it? Anyways, I was diagnosed with PTSD, and the psychologist told me it could be a childhood trauma.. but I have no idea from when and from how early on (I’ve had a lot of traumas in the past). I had to leave the city I currently live in to work in another for the summer. So I’m wondering what I could do (all the steps) to help me solve this PTSD. Thanks for your advice already guys 💖",3 i may be an ass for doing this but ive been feeling depressed for the whole yr everything sucks abt life for me so im hoping I can get some motivation to carry on and improve on myself,2 "I have been having thoughts of suicide for as long as I can remember. I am currently 25 female and have had these thoughts since I was like 11. I thought this would go away but it has only gotten worse. Some people in my life know about it but I don’t talk too much about it because I don’t want to scare them. I constantly think about ways I want to die and have mental images of how it will happen when someone finds my body. At the same time I am too scared to follow through with it. The number one thing that stops me from doing it is my family and how they would feel once I’m gone. I’m just so tired of this feeling and want it to just go away.",2 "Recently started smoking cigarettes again. It’s honestly helped me get tasks done because of the dopamine reward I get after a task is complete, but it’s such a bad habit and I have asthma. Anyone know of any other types of things I can do aside from smoke? It’s just a treat that’s helped, thought about vaping but it hurts my chest. What other options are out there that have helped you guys? Thanks!",0 "I realize the spectrum is very broad and varied. But the statistics of under/unemployment and relationship status for those on the spectrum are bleak and depressing to me. And we don't live in a society that's particularly kind or accommodating to those who are different. That being said, I think people on the spectrum are amazingly unique, and have such great potential. We have changed the world in many ways. **How do I live my life tapping into my strengths and capabilities, without getting sucked into a defeated mindset due to my limitations?**",3 " Is it possible for someone to mellow out and become kinder with age? My grandfather is a 75 year old Vietnam vet. The grandfather I've always known is intelligent, funny, likable, sociable, and full of youthful energy. He's also in excellent physical health and still has huge muscles and a six pack. According to my aunts and uncles, though, he was very different in his 20s and 30s. They described him as a brooding, embittered man who would scream at them and smash things over the smallest of offenses. They say he relaxed some in his 40s out of a sense of guilt and desire to change, but that he was still grim and extremely serious; and that he lightened up tremendously in his early 50s after beginning antidepressants, and that as his 50s went along became outright friendly and jovial. I don't know. Does this sort of personality change sound possible, especially when it sounds like a fairly rapid one (complete maniac in 30s, non-abusive but gruff in 40s, progressively more friendly throughout the 50s)? Or are my aunts and uncles probably exaggerating what he was like back in the old days?",3 " Just moved schools for my last year of high school to both meet new people and escape the high academic expectations of my last school. My previous school was pretty small, as I primarily had around 20 people in my grade over the course of the 6 years I went there. I would say that I well liked at that school, and everyone knew me as a energetic & outgoing person for the most part. At my new school however, I have been having difficulty being myself in social situations. I'll either be really out-going and talkative, or socially anxious and paranoid. I've always thought I was okay at meeting new people and participating in conversation, but it's been really difficult for me in some instances. I have found that in group situations especially, I feel like everybody secretly thinks I'm weird/awkward. Usually the moment I get a feeling like this, I pretty much just stop socially participating for the most part. I should also add that I have been re-experimenting with medication to help manage my ADHD, so that could be a factor as well. Anybody with a similar experience?",0 "So, I accidentally clicked on a website link a couple of days ago, and now my OCD is telling me that by clicking on that link I have harmed people. After I clicked on the link I even browsed a couple of sites I do agree with and clicked on every ad on each website I clicked on. The obsession still won't go away though :-(.",1 Mom promised she'd help me find a good dating website for people with autism but she recently had a computer crash and lost all the sites she had linked. I figured it couldn't hurt to ask here for any good dating websites.,3 "Hi everyone, I have been struggling with depression and anxiety attacks for some weeks now. It’s calmed down and I feel okay now. I just found out though that a friend committed suicide. Whenever I find out someone committed suicide, I (of course) feel awful but also can’t help but wonder the amount of pain they were in. How bad was it that you no longer wanted to feel it? What did it feel like?? I thought I was in bad pain, waking up with a heavy/hurting chest. Just sad throughout the day and feeling like I connect with NO-ONE. I literally felt my anxiety lingering behind me, like a person, waiting for me to give in so I can start shaking, heaving and crying. Can anyone, if possible, describe that feeling. What do you feel every single day that makes you want to seize existing?",2 "[27 M] not sure if this is the appropriate place to post but I feel like outside perspectives could help. Since early adolescence I’ve always struggled with a strong feeling of worthlessness and for the most part I’ve been able to mask it. I’ve made plenty of friends who love me dearly and have an amazing support system but nothing feels right. I typically will be feeling “okay” for months on end and then get into a really bad slump after where I frequently contemplate just ending it. I’ve been trying to get out of that mindset when it arises but it’s becoming so hard as of late. I’m unhappy with my current job (a combination of not getting paid well and just having 0 interest in anything), unhappy with my home life (some abuse from parents), and lately unhappy with relationships (girlfriend of nearly 5 years left and found someone else [which frankly I don’t even blame her]). I want to fix my life and my mindset but I just don’t know how to find the motivation to do so. I’ve talked to friends about how I’ve been feeling and it’s basically always find some hobbies, focus on bettering yourself, etc. whenever I do try to take life by the horns I can keep it going for a few days at best before I find myself staring at my ceiling hating myself again. The worst part about having friends willing to talk to me and support me is that I end up feeling even more worthless and selfish. There are plenty of people who have it much harder than me and I feel worse that I just can’t accept the blessings I do have in life and just be happy. Anyways I don’t mean for this to sound like a weird suicide note; I have a very sweet cat and I couldn’t get myself to leave her under any circumstance.",2 "The original lyrics of a sailor leaving behind his girl and missing her while he’s at sea are strangely relatable, to me at least. The sense of being apart from society, of longing for that sense of connection that comes so rarely seems like a pretty common autistic experience. And it’s just a hokey love song, and I enjoy those too.",3 "I have been prescribed Dexedrine for my ADHD, and I have a few business trips coming up, was wondering if traveling to any of these destinations would be an issue and if there are any considerations I should take. Based out of Los Angeles. - Florida (I’m assuming domestic should be cool) - Bahrain (transiting through Saudi) - India - UK",0 "Most of you must have heard one of Apple's famous slogans: ""Think different."" I know it's a response to IBM's slogan, just ""Think"". But still, it sounds a bit silly to me. I mean, who needs to be reminded to think differently? Doesn't everyone think different anyways? Then I realized most NTs can fall into ""groupthink"" and temporarily lose the ability to think differently. For me it's almost impossible. Even if I force myself, I can't seem to fall into this ""groupthink"". Unless the group is a small group of people who can really think differently than the majority. And even in that case I'm never 100% convinced. It's like I always have an instinct to question everything, no matter what or who says it. It has to make sense to me individually. That's why people think I'm very hard to convince. I am not. You are just not explaining to me in a way that will make sense to me. You are just stating your opinion and expecting me to be convinced without questioning it. Is this a me-thing or is this an Asperger thing?",3 "Ever since my first memories I remember being told I have aspergers, but lately I've come to doubt my diagnosis, I don't relate to the same general problems I believe most people with aspergers experience. But I don't know if I'm just a different case or if I'm neurotypical with some other issue. Is this a stupid question or should I get retested?",3 "It's hard to lose relationships due to your mental illness, and then end up having no-one to talk to when you feel unloved, or dealing with stress. I really wish I can talk about the intricacies of feelings with someone. The people I do have are very invalidating, and or just not interested or understanding of the headspace. I genuinely find it hard to explore passions by myself. I'm envious of others who have what I had prior to losing it all. Haha what a drama king. When I feel the emptiness for awhile , and just get lost in my head I tend to get confused, My mind jambled, I'm numb but overstimulated. I want to crawl out of my skin. Holidays are the worst. I wish I can escape my wants and needs from the past and move on.",2 "I have a really hard time reaching out for help, whenever I'm in a situation where I could ask for help I go on autopilot mode and always act like I'm doing good, but I most definitely am not. I'd like to ask my parents for help with my current mental health issues, but I've never asked for help on just about anything. I only ask for help places where I can hide myself like here on reddit. I don't really know why I can't ask for help, but because I've never asked I have no success stories involving me asking for help so I'd like to hear any stories you the reader of this post might have. So please share I could use the help",0 "My dad has been very bad to me, my only hope ever was to move away when I was 18 for uni. From 11 my life has been very hard, I’ve dealt with social anxiety and just wanting it to end. I choose to go to a uni halfway across the country, the fall semester ended up online I had a hard time accepting this but I accepted because I thought I would move for the winter semester. Now the winter semester is also online. I can’t stop crying because I feel so hopeless about my situation, I really don’t want to go back to what I was like before. For the last 2 years I have become a lot more better and was anticipating a better life. Instead now I’m stuck at home all day and can’t even go out to do anything fun because all my friends are busy or what I want to do will not be allowed by my parents. I just feel that there is not more hope left, I never got to do so many things and thought moving out will give me that chance. I don’t know how to deal with this. I also have always wanted to be a professional dancer but my dad never let me go out. If I can’t move out then what is the point of me doing uni. It feels like my life has been worthless because nothing got better.",2 "hi, everyone. as you all may have noticed, the diagnosis of adhd not only hinges upon childhood behavior, but also tends to segregate symptoms between the two genders, male and female, ignoring sexuality and gender identity pretty blatantly. this is problematic for a lot of reasons, but namely for the fact that this can effectively gatekeep those who exhibit gender-atypical traits from being diagnosed and treated. as an effeminate gay cis man, i have often related to the version of adhd that is typically identified with cis girls who have adhd ie. inattentiveness, daydreaming, sensitivity, etc. this made it really difficult to discover i have adhd because i wasn’t exhibiting the usual hyperactive “boy” traits that most people would identify as adhd in a cis boy my age. it took me years to finally get a diagnosis. in the meantime, my thoughts and experiences, and even my trauma, were minimized. this is a problem that plagues cis girls with adhd as well. Have any of you experienced something similar? anyone wanna just share your experience of being queer and having adhd in general?",0 "Everything was going good for the most part and then out of the blue she told me she wanted to break up to ""find herself"", how I didn't make her feel like my priority and that I wasn't really intimate in the relationship. I'm not a fan of touching all that much due to my sensory issues but a hug, kiss, cuddling sometimes was fine to me but that wasn't enough I guess. I don't really know how to process this. Into confused. I loved her. I'm so heartbroken and I don't know what to do. I guess I'm just venting...thank you for reading. If you have any advice it would be much appreciated.",3 This has happened to me in the past but I feel guilty and depressed,1 "i just took my first pill of prozac. i’ve heard it’s helped people with their ocd, so i’m hopeful. i just want these intrusive thoughts to go away",1 "​ Let me give you a little background first. I am female. I served in the US Navy 2001-2009. I actually joined the day before 9/11.... (Palm to forehead!) As military police, I have been deployed on ships, as private security for American VIPs in the Middle East, Africa, Cuba and Europe and stateside. I was a K-9 handler as well for part of that time. It was hell, but I would probably sign up and do it again if I got a do-over in life. I love my country, hate the politics! I would have loved to have made a career of the Navy. I loved being in the military, working with dogs and loved traveling... but I got injured and the Navy no longer had a use for me. I am now 100% disabled and service connected through the VA for my spine and PTSD among other things. Please, forgive me for the length of this rant, but if you can help me possibly shed some light on my current issue, please continue. ***TRIGGER WARNING<--- from here on..*** ***This post is about to get deeply personal and might be difficult to read.*** # Causes of my PTSD- A life of trauma: 1. Childhood sexual assault x2, age 2, male babysitter and age 5, friends older brother. 2. 2. Drugged/raped, multiple attackers, age 17. 3. Combat, Middle East, age 21 4. Military Sexual Assault x2, 2002: fellow sailor on base Mayport, FL & 2004: Italian civilian, La Maddelena, Sardinia, Italy 5. Major vehicle accident, 2010, Naples, FL (other driver was speeding & texting!) Not my fault. 6. Wrongfully accused of sexual harassment, 2011 after getting my dream job with the US Forest Service. 7. Major vehicle accident 2012 (black tail lights should be outlawed! I loved that truck.) My fault... the bastard! 8. Death of father after being his care-taker for 3 years. January 2016 9. Major Vehicle Accident. Traffic just stopped. My skid marks were 26 feet long! I hit a car that hit the car in front of them. Bye-bye reasonable insurance rate! Technically my fault. February 2016 10. Death of father-in-law. March 2016.. It was a tough year! I've had serious issues with agoraphobia and driving during rush hour since my dad passed. Fortunately, I was able to find some therapies that helped, but I'll get back to that in a sec. I still struggle with this one. # The Schtick: I wasn't aware I even had PTSD when I got out... it took about a year to crop up. It was actually fellow veterans that pointed out to me why I was so bitchy! I am usually a happy and adventurous soul! My name is Joy for cryin' out loud! After I got out, I had trouble #1 thinking of myself as civilian and #2 connecting with other civilians #3 finding a job (I am disabled but don't look disabled because I am mostly ambulatory). It took a fellow veteran to point out that I was not a civilian and never would be.. I was/am a veteran. Shit hit the fan. My PTSD symptoms were out of control by 2012. I had to take a year off school. I wasn't sleeping. I was becoming more and more anti-social, I had zero control over flashbacks during the day, night terrors were the worst, but I think the self-loathing was the most damaging, I had serious avoidance behaviors, memory issues, anxiety and depression. I was hospitalized twice for suicidal ideation. With some serious work on myself I was able to get back to a relatively normal life, finish school, get married and carry on but it seems like the hits just kept coming. At this point (10 years since I left the military) I would actually have to say that the VA- at least, the one where I live in Phoenix, is my #1 trigger. I can't even say it's any one thing I had a problem with when talking about the VA; there a so many things... Its the attitudes of the staff. I would like to be treated like a person, thank you! It's knowing you have some possibly serious medical issue and being dicked around for months. Its the fact that it took them 3 years to take out my diseased gall bladder and now have a huge scar on my abdomen because it was so full of stones they had to make the incision bigger than they expected. Its waiting months and months for treatment because tri-care is waiting on the VA to give approval while feeling absolutely miserable. My dad was also a veteran. (google Phoenix VA 2012/13/14, he was one of the vets that fell through the cracks.) He lived by himself and came down with Legionnaires Disease in 2014 and went into a coma because they didn't catch it. He was never the same after that. He was evicted after he got out of the hospital. He could no longer work or care for himself, so he came to live with my husband and I. He eventually died of liver failure 2 years later. These days, my trust in the VA is gone. I have lived in other states where the VA Health Care System is just fine, but I'm getting off track. I have run the gambit of treatments for my PTSD. I have tried so many therapies & meds... the best one so far: marijuana. Seriously. I takes me out of that horrible thought-loop one gets stuck when triggered or usually (at least for me) for no reason at all! All the counselors I have seen never really go anywhere with the sessions... at first it just feels nice to talk to someone, but then, after a few weeks, unstructured talk therapy seems pointless. I check in with my psychiatrist 1-2x a year, but all he ever wants to do is prescribe something. I've had my fill of the drugs. I didn't like them. I didn't feel like myself for years. I felt like I was losing myself/forgetting myself. I was in such a haze all the time. I actually think they messed me up even more. I got off all my psych meds in autumn of 2015 because a few month prior I tried to slit my wrist- didn't even know I was doing it. That's the beauty of a drug induced dissociative episode. My service dog stopped me and brought me back to myself. When I stopped taking my meds, I didn't tell my husband for 2 weeks. I was afraid of his reaction because we both know I'm cray-cray! But you what? I really did start to feel better because I started to feel like myself again. He noticed I was happier. That's when I told him I was no longer taking my psych meds. # The things that have helped: 1. Painting. Give me a good music playlist or audio book and a paint brush and I'm a happy camper. 2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy/Exposure Therapy: One on one weekly sessions with a female psychologist which lasted 16 weeks. Surprisingly, I did this therapy at the Phoenix VA. They no longer offer this program. Figures. After I finished this course of therapy, I graduated from college, met a wonderful man and got married. 3. Journaling/Art Journaling: I've found that writing things down helps me process my thoughts more thoroughly. As a visual artist, a visual journal or art journal seems to work even better! 4. Medical Marijuana: its like a mini vacation from PTSD land! It also helps with pain and insomnia. I finally got my license in 2018. Not cheap but worth every penny. 5. My amazing service dog, Sierra. I got her in 2012 after all the shit that went down with the Forest Service. I had trained and certified her as a PTSD Dog by August 2014. Then in November 2014 she got breast cancer. She needed a mastectomy. Don't worry though. A friend of a friend paid for her surgery and she made a full recovery. 6. My amazing husband, my best friends, my brother and other close relationships. I feel pretty lucky to have some truly amazing people in my life. i.e. a support system... this took some serious work on my part. It's difficult to maintain relationships with others when you don't like yourself or most people in general. 7. Mindfulness, meditation and breathing. 8. Saying out loud that my fears are irrational. For instance, I have taken many driving courses and have years of driving experience in many different countries but since my last accident... I don't trust myself and I drive like a grandma! Hands at 10 & 2, I am ever vigilant and I don't speed at all anymore.. heh. 9. Humor/sarcasm because I would probably explode if I couldn't crack a joke. 10. Travel. Mostly- not including airports/airplanes or bus stations. I actually love to drive, just not in big city traffic. And any excuse to leave Phoenix for the summer and see new things! Mountains or beach, I don't care! >""Not all those who wander are lost."" -Tolkien # Things that have not helped: 1. Alcohol. Too much at once or too much on a regular basis is no bueno for someone like me. 2. Taking on too many things at once or too much responsibility. I joined my local American Legion post in 2011. By 2015 I was vice commander. I was at the legion post all the time, often drinking. There was a lot of peer pressure. Other members wanted me to be the commander but I got so burnt out, I had to resign. It was too political. That was not why I was there. I was a member to help other vets in my community and make lasting friendships. 3. VA bureaucracy. (staffing and wait time for appointments.) It is literally killing veterans. 4. Trying to control everything. 5. Living in Arizona during the summer months. I hate being here, but we have a house, hubby's job and he's going to school. Both our families live far away. I also hate the summers. I become a shut-in every summer because the heat is so oppressive. With my medical issues, the heat is just too much for me. 6. High pain levels and on-going medical issues. Honestly, I have so many things wrong with me, it just gets to be too much so times. 7. Putting off seeking treatment. These days, sometimes I just feel like its not even worth the stress of attempting to seek treatment. 8. My service dog had to retire suddenly. This past January she started showing signs of dementia. She stopped responding to my panic attacks. I knew that I would have get a new dog soon, but this was much sooner than I had anticipated. I was just starting to look into getting a new dog. So currently, I am without my sidekick. Since then, I have noticed that my temper is worse than normal. 9. Crowded places/tight spaces- 10. Loud noises/loud places- I think these last two are actually, technically triggers for me, so I avoid them. # Here and now... These days, I am pretty fed up with the VA but still have to rely on them for all my health care needs. I live 30+ minutes away from the VA with no traffic, so the act of physically driving there, without my service dog, in traffic (think of I-405 in LA, that's what traffic is like in Phoenix) and its 109 degrees outside. It's no wonder why I have trouble leaving my house. It's irrational... but not... right?! Since I don't work a regular job anymore, I was keeping myself busy with art commissions (I do mostly pet portraits, landscapes/seascapes, cars and military/patriotic paintings- check out joy.veteran.artist on Instagram if interested), but I just got a new chocolate lab puppy in July to train as my new service dog. I've been sleeping less than normal since puppy came home, so I know that's definitely a factor. Puppy wakes up between 6-7am everyday for the past 8 weeks and pretty much required constant supervision up until about last week. We are currently working on pushing her first potty break and meal back to 8am but she is only 13 weeks old. When she cries in the morning it sounds like she is being flayed alive. It's tough not to give in and give her what she wants, if only to give my ears and sanity a reprieve. I also had multiple new health problems come up since May. It turns out I have a sinus infection, an abscessed tonsil, a large nodule on my thyroid and a new issue with my spine in my neck. (Narrowing and bone fragments/spurs because C4 is herniated.) Talk about a pain in the neck! And of course it took the VA 3 months to even schedule my appointments with the appropriate specialty clinics. I'll get to see the ENT doc in about 3 weeks from now around the end of September. Until then I guess I'll just have to deal with my narrow airway and constant coughing. Fortunately, My house is right across the street from the fire station which has EMTs on duty. # Looking for perspective When I lose my temper these days I want to smash things. When I do smash things while angry it feels good... satisfying. After that comes the remorse, because that's not me. I am embarrassed to act out this way in front of people. I used to only throw or smash things when I was alone. But recently I've been acting out in front of my husband and friends. (Lately I throw my phone after talking to someone at the VA- I have only replaced the screen glass once but that was enough.) What the hell is wrong with me?! My phone is not something I can afford to replace right now. Maybe it's time to start reading the self-help section on anger management? # Can I PLEASE catch a break?! I've run out of steam. But if you're still with me, I commend you. This was my first Reddit post. Can you tell? I guess what I am looking for in a reply is a fresh perspective. I am truly attempting to carry on, mindfully, but dealing with the VA has been very frustrating these last few months. Combine my health issues with the loss of my service dog, figuring out a new routine (now that I am no longer at the American Legion all the time), feeling like a shut-in the last 3 months and a new puppy, my mental health has taken a hit. I am too distracted and in pain to paint. Painting was my daily meditation and outlet. Oh dear... it's difficult not to feel a little blue. Oh.. there was one other thing- my Jeep won't start and we can't figure out the source so I have no vehicle- I guess that solves my driving problem though, right- what do you think? Any comments or feedback is appreciated, but please be respectful. Thanks.",3 "All I have lately are painful memories. I try to think if the future, painful memories of past failures that ruined my future. Thoughts of the past is a flood of painful memories. Trying to be “in the moment” reminds me of how painfully alone I am.",2 "I am 27 y.o. male who is now for 2 straight years in therapy, with 14/15 I had my first suicide attamp. Since that I made major progress. Almost no suicidal thoughts, I am able to sleep without meds or drinks and I pretty much have my life together. Job, Study, Relationship, friends. Now I would love to give something back, because it took so much effort to start therapy, sticking with it, quit drinking and smoking weed and generally becoming a stable person after believing there was no hope for me ever in life for more than a decade. But I don't know how. Two persons that I went to school with killed themselves over the last 2 years. One just about 2 weeks ago. Now I really want to help with what I can. Not on a professional level but as someone to talk too and share the story. But everytime I try to apply for a support group I get afraid. I am afraid to get back to my old habits. Thoughts that nowadays are rare get back into my head and heart and want to stay there. Is there someone with familiar thoughts or experience that has a few good words of motivation to go to a support group? I have never been to one and don't know if I would be even right there.",2 "I’m not sure if this is an ADHD thing, but I notice I have a very hard time with empathy. For example, today I learned that someone who just joined the team at work was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. It felt completely fake and forced for me to say something in response. I do have emotions, it’s just the empathy part that is a struggle. If I can relate to whatever the situation is then I have genuine empathy.",0 "hi all im (21) idk what to say really this this happened idk how long ago maybe 2 hours i cant tell but she broke up with. my bestfriend broke up with me and now im devastated she was everything to me but my adhd got in the way. tiny things - from accidently interrupting and then apologizing in the same interruption i messed this up i feel it i have being born with ADHD it sucks and i wish i was never born with it its not fair! why did I have to be born with this having so many problems i hate it i hate it all",0 "What do you guys think? [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/pc195d)",1 "My parents got me an expensive phone for my birthday which I wasn't expecting. I received it in the mail and cried. I feel terrible. It's not that I don't appreciate the gift, I just wish that instead of spending this money on a phone that they'd spend it on something useful or that I don't already have. I already have a phone and while it's old, it still works. Also I just feel guilty. I feel like I don't deserve these things because as a kid my parents treated me bad and made me feel guilty for things. They can definitely afford it so its not so much about that . What do I do? I want to accept the gift because I feel like that's the acceptable thing to do but I actually feel so terrible and I don't want it. And now I feel like a terrible person for not wanting it. I know this comes across as ungrateful and I am grateful, I just don't know why I feel this way or how to deal with it.",3 "Sorry for being long. In the past 5 years, since I got out of prison, I've gone from a hotel room to a boarding house to renting a house. I had a job landscaping, and at this time, although the paperwork isn't final, it looks extremely likely that I'll be buying said company. It kinda came out of the blue, but the owners asked me to purchase it. That's very humbling. However. I've always had my social...limitations. I've never been able to wear a mask. That's not true. When I was young I would wear a mask around adults. When I got a present, hated or loved, I would put on the mask to make them happy. I don't know when that faded away. But now I'm torn on the mask. Because I see the mask others wear. And worse of all for me is seeing there's more they want to say but don't. It kills me. How tf can I better myself when we play these shadow games? I have been(rarely confronted on it) called a cold ass hole by others at work. I don't do well socially at work. I am far past my days of holding resentments, I don't hate anyone. I am grateful. But I believe I lack the ability to express it. Anyone else take any of the online screenings and say ""how tf would I know that?"" Like the not knowing if people were bored in conversation. how would I know if I did know? I guess that loops back to things unsaid. Sorry. Off topic. I took a few tests online. I didn't do great. Or I did do great, got a decently high score. Above average. I've known for a while my social skills were lacking. I never knew what to do with that information. But now, I have a direction 6o go in to better myself. Bit there's a burden with that information. I pretty much obsess about topics of interest. Not kidding, I can't buy a coffee grinder without spending at least 6 hours researching and learning about them. But thats not the burden. I really do enjoy spending an entire day from 5am to 9pm researching and absorbing a topic. The burden comes in now I'm getting obsessed about learning about aspbergers. Now I'm afraid that what I'm learning could affect when I do go to get screened by a professional. It could take weeks to actually see someone and get screened. By then I fear I could taint my own results. I've known there's something wrong for a few years now. But with this whole company thing, this has to be a priority over the winter. One of the guys told another that he will be leaving because he knows we will butt heads. He has a temper, and I, obsess over work, the details, the trying to find that smooth harmonious flow of operations. Very long story short: 1) has anyone ever found a way to express how they feel without faking it? Like, instead of wearing a mask, they amplify their emotions? I can't stand hypocrisy, so I say what I need to say, because of the ones that left things unsaid. 2) does anyone think it's possible to turn off that attention to detail, that desire for smooth workflow? Even just for the sake of everyone else's sanity? Is there a coping mechanism that helps peopel let go go of that? Thanks for reading my...more of a vent than anything else. These thing stick in my mind as the possible difference between success and failure in owning a small business.",3 "I’m newly re-acquainted with my ADHD - I was diagnosed as a child, forgot I had it and now as an adult, I realize it’s been part of my issues my entire life so I’ve been really trying to better myself. I went off gluten and feel so much better for motivation and energy wise but I still find I’m struggling with time management. I’m a SAHM and I find I go some days and can’t really show for anything I’ve done even though I feel busy. Part of my issue is my phone which is a total time waster and I’m also changing the ways I do things like for example, I know if I cook dinner too late the dishes don’t get done so I now make a point to start dinner at a specific time so dinner is early enough that the kitchen always gets clean. I’m wondering how many other ADHD’er’s find routines important and if so, how do you set up your routines? I know some people have minimal routines set and others have every hour of their day scheduled out which tbh seems very overwhelming to me. Also curious aside from routines if anyone has time management advice in general. TIA!",0 "I don’t know how to write this out? I got into an argument about differing political views and a shared ex boyfriend with a girl over a year ago. I still check her page from my spams compulsively at least once a day. She knows I’ve lurked because the shared ex told her. (Edit: she is very mentally ill and has stopped posting on all the accounts I know of probably because she thinks the people who respond to her unhinged posts are me secretly hating on her, or maybe she’s rightfully freaked out) She posted pictures of me and encouraged people to bully me. I really dislike her. So why do I want to check up on her? EDIT: It’s not just her it’s any girls social media who I dislike. It’s definitely her the most. But any girl I dislike I cyber stalk for some period of time? I try not to. And I never leave hate comments or anything like that but I silently watch and judge. Where is this coming from? Has anyone else struggled with this?",1 "The one I do know about ended up in prison because he tried to blow something up. But I have no idea what happened to any of the others. I just want to know if anything bad has happened to them since. The first one is the most infuriating for me. He was aroubd his 60s, so he's probably infirm or dead. I'd someone could let me know how to find old Foster parents in the UK, let me know.",3 "Regardless of what ADHD symptoms we struggle with, structure seems to be a helpful part of anyone’s treatment plan. Be it planners, to-do lists, organizers, coaches, timers, apps, or trackers; it’s good to have something concrete to help manage executive dysfunction. What structure have you used to help your life? If you‘re looking to add structure, what tips do you need? I’ll add some of my ideas (and questions) in a comment below.",0 Can ocd create evidence or find evidence to support irrational fears making them feel like it's real and true?,1 "I have flashbacks all the time about different points in one of my traumatic experiences, but my brain just ""unlocked"" another memory, and it's already becoming a new flashback - it's just too much, it's like watching a horror movie play in my head all the time. How do you cope? (i'm in therapy and everything I just need a skill right now) EDIT: thank you all for your feedback! There are just so many now that it's hard to respond to them all, but I really appreciate all of them!!",3 "I don’t know if this is just me, or somehow related to the Asperger’s I believe I have. I’m not picky about food. I mean, I enjoy a great meal like the next guy. It’s just not important to me what I eat. As long as it tastes ok and provides me with the necessary nutrients I’m good. I also don’t need a lot of variation. I can easily eat the same for weeks. Once I’ve found something that works I’m more than happy to repeat. And I don’t like to spend a lot of time shopping for food and making it. I would rather spend that time doing something else. Naturally I’m not a great cook either. Maybe not surprisingly I’ve also never been a big fan of the social element of a meal. :-) So many of the people I know find all of this very odd. For them a meal seem to be a cornerstone of their day. Planning, shopping, preparing, eating. It’s all like a big event for them. They can’t understand that I don’t particularly care. Can anyone relate? PS. I love ice cream sooo much!",3 "Huge thank you to everyone who gave feedback on/tested the app. It's official: it works! Our self-help app for PTSD now has users who have officially gone from above the clinical threshold for PTSD to below! If you want to check it out, it's available on iPhone, iPad or iPod Touch (running the latest software): [https://apps.apple.com/us/app/trauma-brace/id1575804297](https://apps.apple.com/us/app/trauma-brace/id1575804297) Can be used with or without a therapist. As always, if you can't afford the $20 price but would like to use it, please message me and I can get you set up for free. I don't think cost should be a barrier to treatment. Wishing you all the best, and as much peace as possible.",3 Hello. In the start of the year I borrowed my friend nearly 5000€ and he didnt send anything back yet. I am student who has part time job but now I am in really poor situation. I desparately need around 60€ and it seems impossible to find someone who could borrow me even though I can repay it in 2 weeks. I am so dumb I borrowed nearly all my savings,2 "PTSD is like a time machine I wish I never had. i find myself back where I was, frozen, stiff, unable to breathe or move. All that same fear and dread Ive been working against just back.",3 "i got a job as a phlebotomist, but have to pass a drug screening test. i’m prescribed the general version of adderall xr and some other medications. After looking at some other stuff online, it looks like it’ll be a positive amphetamine test. a lot of people say that they got their offer taken away. i’m only 20 and this is my first job job and one that will help me get into medical school. im scared i’ll get blacklisted or they won’t hear me out. how do i go about this? i didn’t disclose anything about my ADHD or any other conditions on my application or during my interview. should i bring my bottle w the prescription number and a doctors note to the testing center? i just got the offer today so i have the weekend to figure this stuff out. any advice? thanks in advance :)",0 "I've been venting to a good friend about stuff I've gone through with a toxic loved one. I like them a lot as a person. I was telling him about my recent suicidal thoughts, feelings of hopelessness, etc. He suddenly starts asking me questions about my past. Like if I've ever been in a life-threatening situation. I was worried he was trying to figure out how valid my experiences are, because I've never been in a 'real' dangerous situation, like war or physical abuse. He asks me if I've ever felt shaky after negative fights with my toxic loved one, or if I had the desire to hurt myself or others or run away from the experience. Stuff like that. Then he brought up a brain chemical called cortisol, and I had never heard of it before, because I haven't had chemistry in a long time. Around that moment I realised he was asking me about PTSD symptoms. In the end he told me I've been showing symptoms of it while talking about my feelings. He has it too. Not once in my life did I think I may have it. Sincerely, I thought that was reserved for victims of CSA and war and domestic abuse. I haven't been through those things. I don't even know how to describe my situation. I've just had a rocky relationship with my cousin. Just realised how tough talking about this is. I don't know what to wri te. It's been an hour and I still keep rewriting this post. This is hard. I'm trying to avoid saying everything because it's exhausting trimming it so it'd be understandable. I'm going to talk to a psychiatrist about this tomorrow. I don't want to self-diagnose. This is so hard to accept and I don't know why, like I don't deserve this title. It makes an uncomfortable amount of sense or maybe I'm just forcing myself to relate to the symptoms. I don't even know what I felt about my situation before that. I acknowledged I was depressed and needed help but I didn't think about why. Kind of thought I was overreacting or overemotional like I've been told. I don't know. I just want to be loved. I feel like just a kid. I'm 16. I shouldn't be experiencing this. I wanted to put myself into a coma so my cousin would finally realise how much she's hurt me. I self-harmed but that wasn't enough for her, she told me I take it too lightly. No matter what I told her or what I did she didn't acknowledge the damage. I begged her to stop arguing with me so we could be friends again and our fights made me feel awful. She kept dismissing me as manipulative. I felt the need to injure myself and I wanted to hospitalise myself for her approval. I called a crisis hotline and I felt pathetic. I mostly cried on the line. I told her that and she told me ''fuck your crisis hotline''. Then I started hating myself and that's why I wanted to kill myself. What doesn't help is that her friends (my friends too) are mad at me and upset as well. her boyfriend called me selfish for cutting her off and that I should care about her feelings. And that he's extremely angry at me. Same with my boyfriend, he's not talking to anyone. He defended my cousin and I still feel hurt over it. I felt so unloved after that. They seem sorry for it but i dont know. Now it's hard for me to trust people who are nice. My cousin was a nice person. I keep thinking the good people I know all have repressed anger against me. That eventually I'll piss them off. That all people who are always nice are actually terrible people. Or that I need to stop complimenting nice people because that will make them cocky, that they can't do wrong. I used to try to nap but I couldn't stop thinking about it all and crying, and shaking, I felt nauseous and numb and my stomach felt hollow. What my cousin said and how my friends reacted. Why didn't I fucking think that was a problem back then? I didn't feel anything about it, I was distracted by feelings. I need to end this soon because it's getting too long. Thank you so much.",3 " my dad is a wonderful guy, he was even the one who got me out of my abusive relationship with my mother (which is the core of my PTSD). We rarely argue, but this time he was really frustrated, and so was I. I locked my door (as teenagers do) and he was yelling at me through the door, and i kept refusing to open it. That was until he started banging violently at the door for me to come out. That was my first little freak out, which i was able to contain. Yelling is a big trigger for me though, and the door thing was a newly founded one i guess. Then, after a while, he was about to leave for a haircut. I was even angrier now than before after the shock of the first trigger. He told me to give him a hug. I said no, i didn’t tell him that i was afraid of him though (He’s generally a great guy, really, but the ptsd really took hold over anything else). Then he told me “What if i die on the road?” And that was my other trigger. My mother died away from home while she and i were in an argument. She said that same question to me too many times after she would abuse me, and I was forced to hug her. I refused to hug him, and broke down in tears, refusing more. He then forced me into a hug and then left. Once again, I love my dad, but it was too much. Usually i’m upset over something stupid, not ptsd related and he hugs me because it usually calms me down. It’s the morning after and i feel uncomfortable, scared, angry, confused, and upset. He keeps asking me “why i’m still upset with him” and saying “i’m choosing to be angry” I don’t wanna be mad at him, but my panic attacks are a lot for me. i’ve had two in the last day and i’m still shaken. I don’t want to be mad at him, how do I stop my ptsd? He put me in such a shock i don’t remember half the night.",3 "This is why it's hard for me to trust people. ""You can share everything when you're down, I'm always here"" what a bullshit. I just got told being dramatic by the same person who say that. If i can choose, i don't want to be here either. Sometimes I'm not be able to stop crying, my mind rushing, having panic attacks, not be able to sleep at all, constantly looking at the razor. Apparently I'm just being dramatic. I'm just so tired, that's all.",2 "It took me a long time but I'm starting to understand what Quentin Crisp (an Aspie) meant when he said: ""never defend yourself"". He meant that there is nothing you have to be ashamed of. The deficiencies of other people are more real than their perceived shortcomings of you. I work a lot with academics who make unrealistic demands day in and day out. The damage caused by their ego is bigger than what they think are my shortcomings.",3 "I don't know if this is because I'm not neurotypical (ADD/ASD) but I'm quite confused as to why I often see/hear about people getting so attached and/or have a hard time getting over toxic people or people with red flags etc. For me, I'm a 24 year old male and when I start to see red flags or qualities I don't feel will mesh with me in the long run, I just pull the plug immediately. Even if I have feelings for them it's like my logical side takes over and says ""can you really see yourself putting up with ""x"" or being with someone who does/doesn't do ""x""?"" and it's like I'm able to emotionally detach from that quickly. I'm curious what tends to cause this? Self-esteem issues? Attachment issues?",3 "ive fallen again to the deep hole of uncertainty and stubborness of what to do with my life. I do know what i want to do with it but i do not know how to start going. Something is holding me back. Maybe the regret of things i did in the past. My parents bashing and degrading me everyday about how that im 18 with no job or license. My reltaionship that turns on and off. The anxiety of ""what if something goes wrong?"" Ive also been dissociating allot. theres just allot of things i cannot put into words. im just mess. This depression also has lead me to forget allot of things i did in the middle of my highschool years. Mainly Junior year. I forgot some people i met that year, and how do i know? Well there were two or 3 people that came up to me indivdually at a different time this year that recgonized me but i never recgonized them. i need help man. i feel like i have nothing to lose but i need to just get out there to set my priorties straight. thank you to whoever read this whole mess.",2 "Hi, as the title says. Survivor of sexual assault how did you recover",3 "I had a blasphemy ocd, ocd of wishing bad things to loved ones, and i started to take pills. For some reason weird thing happened: those thoughts are present, but they do not feel extra-terryfying like it was before, in fact they are not so scary. But its feeling like i became not so close to my relatives and God. If earlier i've had ""how you can think it, its horrible, God is good, your relatives are loved"" feeling in my head when those thoughts were coming, now i feel ignorant to it, like i am not liking my family and not frightening when bad things are going to head. Its feels bad too, like me becoming a psychopath. Will this thing go away sometimes and will i be same man when I was before ocd? P. S. Sorry for bad english, i am not a native english speaker.",1 "Has anyone else reached this point? I sleep three hours a day. When I wake up I look at the wall before I take my first breath and wake up screaming. I thrash all around screaming and crying. The pain is so intense it runs through my entire body. I can feel electricity building up in my heart, legs, triceps shooting everywhere. I scream and cry uncontrollably for hours and nothing stops me. I panic dial people I know. I wore them out. They don't answer the phone or block me anymore. I am getting lonelier every day. I take my anxiety meds but I have mentally deteriorated so far I never leave the bed. I live off a diet of oatmeal packets, peanut butter at my bedside, sometimes crackers. I go downstairs once every few days to get these rations. I drink water from a cup out of my bathroom sink. I scream and I see so no future left for me. Every day is pure pain and torture. From the minute I am wake up until the minute I go to bed I am crying, screaming, shaking, calling crisis lines, people, etc.",2 "Intrusive Thoughts: - Thrive on what we value most. - Prone to those inable to cope with uncertainty. - Product of need for excessive control ———————————— Three processes key in creating intrusive thoughts: Sticky Mind - Paying way too much attention to thoughts - May be tied to genetics and stress Paradoxical effort - The harder you try to avoid, the more they persist - You resist they persist - Chinese finger trap of thought Entanglement - Attempts to argue with, rationalize - Strengthens intrusive thought ———————————— Typically we seek reassurance internally—and then externally through friends, pastors, and therapists when internal reassurance fails. This is the most common failed way of pushing back. There becomes a need for greater and greater vigilance and increasing logical dilemmas. This worried voice never gets the resolution it seeks from the voice of “False Comfort”. The problem of seeking reassurance from uninformed friends is a potentially frightened response which adds to the evidence of our worst fears, digging us deeper. Many of us become reassurance junkies, from asking people we care about and the internet. KEY TERM Ego-dystonic: thoughts and behaviors that are in conflict, or dissonant, with the needs and goals of the ego or in conflict with a person's ideal self-image. Prevalence of these thoughts made me feel I have tied them to my identity forever. These are just thoughts. They do not define me. I demand absolute certainty, something that nothing in life can give us. Fears of an imminent loss of control is irrational because the neurosis of OCD immunizes from such an event My failed attempts to cope: - Doubling down on healthy behavior and avoiding stress. Exercise. Hobbies. - Avoidance: “dump relationships, don’t watch the news, stay off the internet, isolate yourself from the world” ———————————— THE KEYS TO ELIMINATING INTRUSIVE THOUGHT PATTERNS: Recognize - “I’m feeling instinctual fear but there is nothing to fear” Just thoughts - “These thoughts are automatic and are best left alone.” Accept and allow - Silence false comfort, allow initial alarm, withdraw participation from false comfort, expect no answers or resolution Float and feel - Think of the present not the future. Surround yourself in the senses. Mindfulness. Non judgmental. What do you feel and see around you? Time passes - Observe from a place of disinterest, allow time to flow. Do not count time. Proceed - Continue with your activities. Do what you were doing previously. Move on. ———————————— The 5 A’s: - Attitude of Acceptance - Assign accurate assessment - Active allowance of awareness - Avoid avoidances - Action, advance activities anyway Try ridiculing obsessions in an ironic way. Humor is key! The core idea of stoicism helps me: “Our response to what happens is always in our control, even if what happens isn’t.” Finally, the classic prayer for mental peace: “God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference.” ———————————— References: - “Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts: A CBT-Based Guide to Getting Over Frightening, Obsessive, Or Disturbing Thoughts” by Martin N. Seif and Sally M. Winston - “Peace in Every Step” by Thich Naht Hanh - My personal experiences and therapy Bless you all, you are worthy of the greatest mental peace.",1 "How do you all deal with this if you get it? My hyperactivity is in my mind, and I have regular arguments/discussions/fights in my head. I wander off into imagination very frequently. I can improve the symptoms but it's such a big part of me now. I've read into it and I've seen links between this and ADHD sufferers. The hyper internal activity can cause this. If any of you get this, how do you deal with it? All I seem to be able to do is go for a walk and let it calm itself down.",0 "A week yesterday I was discharged from ERP with a relapse progress plan (for when I need it) my OCD has been on the severe scale for most of my treatment and even now is still quite severe. I’m currently taking Sertraline 150 MG sometimes even 200 MG a day. I’m not sure if it makes much of a difference, the intrusive thoughts are still there and I have not found a way to combat the urge to do my compulsions. I have no distractions either. Even though I have been suffering for a long time I’ve sheltered away from it so I’ve not delved into apps, books or methods that may help. PLEASE if you have used Anafranil let me know what you think or any other medications that have helped. Leave links to any books or anything else too thank you 🤍",1 "Although I don’t suffer from ptsd myself, I’ve always found it to be an interesting subject. I don’t know much about it however, and one thing that has always confused me has been ptsd flashbacks. how do they feel? Do you literally see the traumatic experience before your eyes? Are flashbacks only symptoms of severe ptsd? Most of all, I would like to hear about first hand experiences from anyone who has experienced these flashbacks. I’d assume it’s a pretty tough experience to explain, but I’d appreciate it if you guys tried your best. Thanks.",3 "Could this be an apsberger thing? I have a cousin aspie who is also picky about food. I always prefer my food to taste plain, and have a consistent texture.",3 "My mom always told me to ""move on"" or ""ignored my past"" but that's not working out. I tried not to but thinking about it makes it harder for me (I have no flashback yet, hopefully not ever). It may be easier for me to not think about it but it's just not easy from the person who I used to trust, who I used to be close. And now it's developing paranoia around men and boys. I wish I wasn't paranoid, I'll probably going to keep them away from me if they want affection to me but I'm afraid to get touched from somewhere inappropriate. I just want to stop feel anxious from it and just fucking relaxed. If this person never done this to me, I shouldn't been this way (Or other people done that but I'm focusing on the person that I know for a longest). I wish my mom can be supportive but it's not helping. Yes I have therapy and I'm very glad for my mom, but she still doesn't understand about my trauma. Heck, I told her that I feel like the person is in the house I know at 3am that I'm paranoid to. She said they aren't there because they're somewhere else. She doesn't understand about my paranoia at all. I'm glad I'm away from that person tho but I wish it never happened. Also the person is my stepdad but I don't want him to call him ""dad"" anymore. He's a stranger to me now.",3 "Hi! I'm sorry if it makes little to no sense, but i just had something very traumatic happen to me and already have a lot of other PTSD from childhood and teenage years, i can really see this also developing into it, but i would like to prevent it, if anyone knows how to ( Specific way of thinking or more? )it would be greatly appreciated since it is night where i live and I can't call a therapist or see anyone due to lockdown. Thank you in advance if you took your time to read this.",3 "so i was diagnosed with sever ptsd from my law enforcement career. im m/25. i got a psychiatrist and was officially diagnosed in February of 2020. this past April i was given a leter of recommendation for a service dog. i got a puppy and started training him immediately. well its been great for the last month. nightmares arnt as frequent and i dont always wake up. flashbacks are much better and the dog does a great job of getting me out of them. but i met a woman and she has a little 3 year old boy and things have gotten serous fast and im happy. but i can feel the ptsd getting worse im falling back into old habits of avoiding slee not going out alone and the nigtmares are getting worse then ever before, i have never been nervous of loud noises but the fireworks tonight had me so on edge and im clueless as to why, im still trying to learn how to express all this to my dr or even gf. no one understands and it is so frustrating, i start public access training for my dog monday so im excited about that but nervous too. i guess the point off this is 1. is it normal to feel so lost and uneducated about yourself early in this process. 2. what can i do to help express theses feelings and fears 3. can ptsd mold into new things that trigger you such as fireworks. any help is great thanks",3 "A few months ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD but I can't afford theraphy and even tho everyone praises my country sanitary system it's crap when it comes to mental health. So I'm on my own. Now, onto the topic. ​ I have trouble remembering small appointments and I tend to forgot. When it comes to big ones that take my whole day it's no trouble since I'm only focused on that. But when it comes to something small, I have to do in the middle of the day, it's hell and I have to set x10000 reminders on my phone. ​ Am I the only one?",0 "I see tons of articles on setting boundaries. I'm asking about the opposite end: how to deal with respecting boundaries when the person doesn't want to discuss an issue? I feel emotionally abandoned and confused when this happens. My friend can say ""I feel uncomfortable / I won't talk about this"" when I ask to talk about an issue that came up. It hits hard when part of the problem is that I feel neglected and I struggle asking for what I need. I can't do jack shit, but cry and have all these psych articles be like, ""If someone sets a boundary and the other person has a fit, that means even more that the boundary was needed!"" And then these articles make feel like me feel like I'm being aggressive or violating boundaries if I try to do any of these following: * asking why they think a certain way * clarifying intentions that I didn't mean to make them feel uncomfortable = ""you're justifying when you should apologize"" * when I don't know what I did, me asking for more specific examples = aggressive * telling them how I feel as a result = ""it's not about YOU, YOU made them feel uncomfortable so YOU need to adjust"" * telling them that not talking stresses me out = I'm ""adding pressure"" Does anyone feel it validates the feeling like YOU are the problem? Make you want to crawl into a hole and die so that you'll never be a burden on anyone? And worry that you're that ""other person"" in the boundary setting articles and you're so fucking toxic that you deserve to be pushed away? Feeling very sad.",3 "I'm in trauma therapy at the moment for sexual assault, and the thought alone of unwrapping the heavy stuff has been making me ill all year. Every time my counsellor so much as mentions the topic, I completely break down and it can destroy me for weeks at a time, so... we're not actually getting very far... By now I've gotten to the stage where I don't even want to talk about it. I'm embarrassed and I'd rather just try to forget. Is it possible to recover from trauma without therapy?",3 " Almost 5 years ago, I was at the deepest point of my life at 17, with ptsd, hypersensitivity, depression, anxiety who lead to a suicide attempt I can still remember that day like it was yesterday. And I have been through so much who keep remembering my first aggression and the period around it since. But Today, I'm preparing for the most important day of day of my life tomorrow. I completely restarted my life only my real friends stayed, my family really really helped me ( it's hard to say that since they are the cause of half my problems). With in mind that I will never hurt myself in any way (it was not so easy and not really true either even today but a lot better), and that I will do my best to find a dream to chase it. So, tomorrow I'm passing the most important test of my exam to become a cabinet maker I already have my high school and apartment to continue my studies next year. I have a job this summer and I participated to some contest who went really well. I almost lost my guilt of feeling good. I'm still dealing with a lot of stuff , having really bad times and weekly panic attack but I feel like I'm ready to live now and that I find my f*cking place. My biggest fear right now is still to fail everything im the most important time. You now destroying everything you've done in 4 years in 30 seconds because of a panic attack or a shit like that. I hope the self confidence i gained in this 4 years are justified and that I'm capable to make it. I'm shaking and crying writing this. I'm really happy to be capable of writing this. It help me I hope it can help, even only one person. Edit : I wanted to post this in r/depression since ptsd never was my first mental issue but I really like people on this sub and they are against positive post (can be understandable when you're living a really bad time.)",3 "Hey guys- my psychologist (dr. Genevieve Boudreault) is the only psychologist in the province of Ontario, Canada doing something called Reconsolidation therapy and basically, for six 25-minute sessions over six weeks, you take a blood pressure lowering medication called propranolol (which is a beta blocker) which basically makes it really hard to feel any anxiety or strong emotions. You then write out your triggering event on paper and read it out loud to her and it allows you to process the memory without any real discomfort and has a 70% chance of reducing flashbacks and intrusive thoughts after completing therapy cause your brain has already experienced talking about the trauma without any panic. 11/10 recommend",3 It sounds cliche but I feel like a burden on everyone and on the world,3 "I struggle with PTSD as a result of childhood abuse. One of my biggest symptoms is dissociation. This ranges from feeling disconnected to my body, feeling like life is a dream, or even blacking out for hours at a time. I have worked really hard this year, and I am less dissociated, but I am noticing a new pattern. I’ll go days at a time feeling the need to cry, but not knowing why, and my whole body feels tension. The best way I can describe it: I am a sponge mid squeeze - I am slightly tense, but I have a weird energy to me. My skin feels like it is crawling. It is painful when it occurs all day. Anyway, does anyone else experience this? Or something similar?",3 "it has been years. i have good days but the pain always lingers longer, says more about my life. i dont want to kill myself or something. but i wish i can just take a pill and this feeling will go away. like what people do for fever.",2 "I’ve been taking 10mg (half a pill) of Celexa a day for a week and my vision has been in and out of focus with occasional headaches due to it, and my physical response to intimacy has been delayed. I do feel less anxious, for sure, but the intrusive thoughts still come so I still have the shit bouncing around in my head but my body doesn’t respond with dread like it did. So I guess that’s a plus. Should I give it more time to level out or is this just how it’s going to be?",3 "Hi. Jumping right into it, for a long time, I've had intrusive thoughts. I've always brushed them off as just a symptom of general anxiety or depression, but recently, probably for the past three-four months, they have intensified to the point where they are extremely upsetting. I've gone through other periods where they are upsetting even earlier in life, but recently it's been unbearable. They've become more graphic, more frequent and generally more tolling on me emotionally. I constantly worry about harming others, others harming me, harming myself, or even (trigger warning) >!me sexually assaulting others or being sexually assaulted by others. This extends to animals and children!<. It feels like having voices in my head without actually hearing them. I started looking for answers as to why I might be feeling this way and read into all different types of things to see if I related to them. The closest illness I related to at the time was bipolar disorder, as these bouts were cyclical in nature. Unfortunately I didn't really investigate into OCD as much as I should've because of my presumptions surrounding it. I naively thought that OCD was reserved for people who are too orderly or germaphobic. Randomly, much later, I started looking into personality disorders, which lead me to investigate OCD much more. I discovered [this](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primarily_obsessional_obsessive_compulsive_disorder) article, and read through it among others. I related to it so strongly I began to break down reading it. I literally couldn't believe what I was reading. Certain behaviours that I'd previously thought were a symptom of general anxiety made much more sense when applied to the criteria of OCD. A list for more context: * Walking on grass when spotting someone miles ahead of me on the same sidewalk * Crossing the street when there are two or more people ahead * Glancing at people repeatedly until it ""feels right"" or safe * Snapping my fingers repeatedly until I feel better * Fixating on, touching and thinking about mirrors or specific objects repeatedly in order to quell distress (but mostly mirrors, not even looking at myself in them or anything, just the object itself) * Repeatedly reading over this or any other piece of writing to check for errors (to the point where it is unhealthy) * Keeping cars within view of my eyesight at all times While some of these things might fall under symptoms of social anxiety, I have no problem socializing with people I know or even meeting new people, and all of these are caused by my upsetting thoughts rather than just a general unease around strangers. I guess the goal of this post is just to get the opinions of people who have experience with this sort of thing. I wish I could get the opinion of a health care professional but unfortunately the country that I'm living in sucks for health care in general. Really anything helps.",1 "Like if a cup falls over or something, I’ll tell the cup to “stand the fuck up” out loud",3 "Like I've sent several people messages starting with, ""I'm wasted so I'm morally obligated to say something I'll regret."" I'm still watching all my spelling and grammar to make sure I get it right. I also went to a party and have been telling the host (my cousin) to give some sleeping girl some weird-ass stuff from me, just so that I get some complaints (""your cousin is *weird*"" [though my other cousin, her sister, laid out a bunch of daddy longlegs that were drowned in vodka, on top of paper towels, with names written out on top of them]) to prove that I got drunk. Though joking complaints though, because I'm actually legit super cool and have at least one friend that hasn't left me, ^^^yet though that friend is my mother.",3 "Do folks ever try to soften or minimize your trauma in discussions because you're accustomed to people getting upset or uncomfortable when they hear about it? I know I have this tendency because in the past when I have made comments in passing or in response to questions, folks have gotten visibly uncomfortable so I basically stopped answering truthfully. The problem is that I now feel that it's important to normalize speaking about trauma (if the survivor is comfortable doing so, of course) because I believe that this will reduce stigma surrounding trauma and abuse. Yet, I also don't want to make people uncomfortable by essentially forcing them to think about violence without their consent. It's becoming more common to provide trigger warnings or content warnings when discussing trauma, which I think is an important part of behaving in a trauma-informed way. But sometimes I feel like I am selling myself short by minimizing my experiences. Example: if asked about my father: Me: ""He passed away a year ago"". Them: ""oh! I'm so sorry!"" Me: ""Actually I'm not. He hasn't been a part of my life for more than 20 years because he was violent and abusive"". Them: ""..."" Becomes: Me: ""thanks"". It just feels... icky to me to accept condolences for losing the person who destroyed my childhood. You know?",3 "Also posted in r/domesticviolence but that group isn’t very active so here I am When I was 18, an incident of DV happened that I (F,24) believe may have caused me some deeply-rooted ptsd. This year, I found myself contemplating how my upbringing may have impacted the way I behave as an adult (in my life and relationships). What I experienced is very hard and embarrassing for me to talk about, and when I've tried to express something to ""a caring friend"", I still don't open up completely because it's just too difficult to talk about. I don't think they'll relate, and even if they do, I don't want them to see me like that. They might even laugh, and I might too, knowing I shouldn't have expected them to understand how serious it was or wasn't. As much as I don't like admitting it, I know it was serious for me. Therapy has crossed my mind, but paying a therapist? I shouldn't have to pay someone to listen to my ""First World problems"" (for context, we're Slavic immigrants). I expect myself to solve them independently like an adult and learn from my life experiences. I was told once by a family member that I truly ""tell too much"". The funny thing is, things that happen in my relationships stay in those relationships. If I am telling you something, it means that I am coming to terms with it, and it can't hurt me anymore. Sometimes I am just looking for some empathy; I want someone to understand how I feel and share the pain a little bit. Get it off my chest. It's been this dirty secret in my life for so long. This year I learned that at the end of the day, very few people give a shit about your problems. The good side of a therapist is that you can vent it all out to them with zero shame, pay them, and never see them again. The way I see it, they're the person who could know all the twisted parts of you and help you compartmentalize with trained insight and no judgement. They're still human, and still a stranger, though. Most importantly, I don't want to talk badly about a loved one. I've tried to forgive and forget, let it go... but 5 years later I find myself thinking about it and being upset. It ruined my day today, I just couldn't stop thinking about it and ""feeling sorry for myself,"" as one might say. I'm completely against pity parties, but today I just wanted to grieve and be alone. It's not really the tainted relationship that bothers me; we were always pretty 'cool' with each other. It's more the memory of indignity and shame. I don't want to re-live it. Internally, it makes things awkward, like there's been an elephant in the room between us since then. Remarkably, I don't even know how the other person feels about it. It may not have even registered in their moment of rage-- I don't know if they're aware of how deeply it hurt me, and that I've been slightly uncomfortable looking them in the eyes ever since. If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I would appreciate to hear your thoughts on the subject. Reading this back, I realized I talk to myself the way I was talked to growing up. TL;DR Growing up, I thought violence in the home was a cultural thing. When I observed how other people interacted with their loved ones, I realized it's not. Now I'm wondering if I should seek therapy or counselling about this after all, or if I'm just being a pussy since most people move on with time.",3 i think we’ve established that it’s offensive toward people with psychosis spectrum disorders. Lets not drag non ocd individuals into our ocd problems,1 Hi! I am going to have an appointment with an OCD specialist within the next couple of weeks and I’m really nervous about it. I was diagnosed at 13 (I’m 21 now) but I don’t have a way to prove it and I’m scared that my therapist won’t believe me or will think I’m being dramatic/trying to make her think I have OCD. I know that’s silly to think but I’m really worried to go. Have any of you seen a therapist for the OCD? How did it go? Did you have these concerns as well? Thank you in advance :),1 "After my first therapy appointment in weeks, i’ve come to realize that I have been in weeks long episode of dissociation. I couldn’t see my therapist because she was on holiday for about 3 weeks. I’ve come to realize how dependent I am on my weekly sessions. I don’t usually share my experience living with (c-)PTSD although my view on this has changed. I struggled for years with PTSD and it made me feel lonely and alienated. Talking about my experience has helped me to better understand my diagnoses. Having a long dissociative episode has left me with a rather empty feeling. I can’t remember much of the days and weeks. I can’t recall the things I did. I feel very lost and out of touch with myself and the world. When it happened no one in my surroundings noticed it, when I aks them they are surprised I was in a dissociative episode. A dissociative episode is not always visible especially if it last in weeks. This experience is one of the scariest I have ever experience. With the dissociative episode depersonalization come along and I hope to never feel this again. I didn’t feel like my body belong to me, I know it is my body if i look in the mirror or look at my hand. But I truly can’t feel that my body is there and its mine. I feel like i was outside of my body. I really felt like i was a ghost. I didn’t know who I am, I couldn’t understand who I am. Of course i know my name and such but it didn’t feel like me. It is very weird to look back at it and for sure scary. I am doing better now and hope to not experience this again. My psychiatrist and I are looking for a better treatment to control this episodes. I am open for questions and if you have experience this as well, you are welcome to share your story!",3 I currently can’t afford therapy and I don’t know any other way to help my OCD/mental illness in general,1 "When I feel anxious for example walking into a cafe with lots of people I will sometimes talk in a snappy way to the person serving me. It really bugs me and is not something I try to do i sort of blurt things out which makes me sound snappy/impatient.",3 "So I have been diagnosed with Aspergers since I was about 11/12 (2013) and I’ve noticed that like many others, I have trouble forming relationships. So earlier this year, i tried out online dating apps, more specifically Bumble...... and to say that isn’t going well is a big understatement. But here recently, I heard about this app called Hiki and it advertises itself as a dating/friendship app for autistic people. I wanted to get someone’s experience with this app before I download it as I have limited space on my phone due to too many photos. Im sorry if this isn’t the normal kind of thing to ask on this subreddit but its the only place I can think to ask 🤷🏻‍♂️",3 "I don't know if my question is silly but.. are there ADHD people who were NOT addicted to some substance at some point in their life? I wonder because i just can't seem to break my coffee addiction. And having a hard time breaking my alcohol addiction. Also had nicotine addiction, which was very hard to break.",0 "Hello! I am a new member here. I am a 20 year old male and I have a diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome. Since a long time, I have struggled with making and maintaining friendships. I find this world to be a confusing place. In addition, I suffer with social anxiety quite badly as well as a lack of self-esteem and self love. I currently attend university, studying French and Philosophy, but haven't been able to meet many people due to Covid among other things. One of the only people I did meet was an NT woman, who became my first girlfriend briefly before leaving me due to a lack of tolerance and understanding of my asperger's and my sensory needs etc on her part. Since then, I have been back at home and feeling more isolated than ever. I haven't met up with any friends, and most people either take days to open my messages and then ghost me. Throughout my life, I have experienced so much bullying, trauma and isolation. It just feels like an endless cycle, as if the solitude will never really end. Since becoming an adult, I have also felt so pressurised to live up to expectations of getting a good job, living independently, finding a partner in the future, being successful etc.. But I am not sure I can do it. I can't relate to people well at all. And, I am constantly afraid of being judged by them. I just feel alone and trapped in my mind from day to day. I am posting here because I was just wondering whether anybody could relate to any of this ? I feel just hearing from people with similar experiences would make me feel less lonely in a way.",3 "Before you say ""Just go to a therapist,"" I can't. My parents just brush it off and says it's because of the damned phone :( Anyway, I'm 16M, and here are a few ""not normal"" behaviors I have. I frequently get disturbing thoughts, the first one I had was a year ago, I saw a knife and thought ""what if I stabbed ___"", and everytime I see a knife, I'm utterly disturbed that it is still the same thing I was thinking a year ago. I know I can never harm my loved ones, but I'm afraid I might snap one day and harm someone. Another less harmful one, I like to hold my eyes open until it hurts, I don't like how it feels, but I really feel like doing it, but not at the same time. And then, an odd one, I fear table corners, I'm imagining me hitting my head on the corner, it doesn't make sense, like the rest of the things I have listed. Also, I constantly have the urge to stretch(?) my neck, hands, elbows, legs, if I don't, it bothers me. Finally, I have about 500 thousand screenshots backed up to my laptop, and currently 100 thousand+ on my phone, I got so used to it that I just screenshot without thinking. Edit to add: I also always drink water before bed, if I don't something just feels off. Please forgive my english, as it is not my first language.",1 "Hi all, I'm having a bit of a tough time in regards to OCD right now and figure this might be a good place to seek some help/understanding. So I have OCD and have since the 4th grade and Im about to have surgery (a good surgery, I'm a trans male) in a few days. This is very exciting and I am very grateful. However, last time I had surgery (the first part of a 2-stage surgical process), OCD nearly ruined it. I ended up having a traumatic response because of it. (CPTSD). Now, I'm on my way back to the same area to have the last part of the surgery and I think due to a combination of things (emotions, fears of what happened last time reoccurring, afraid of ruining things or more specifically OCD causing me to ""ruin"" things), I ended up having a spike in anxiety and OCD prior to leaving my house. I ended up to my disappointment doing a bunch of compulsions and eventually I finally had to leave. When I left, I was pressured by time to stop compulsing and leave and now I'm in the car on a car ride that I've been looking forward to for a lifetime and I would love nothing more than to be present for and to enjoy this blessing and time with my family, but I can't help but ruminate over the fact that I compulsed, and feel stuck and like I ruined things. Basically I feel like I'm having a hard time accepting what happened and the way I feel as a result. I hope this makes sense its kinda hard to explain. I really appreciate anyone reading this and also would really appreciate any feedback. Thank you.",1 "I’ve been suffering with anxiety and depression for a few years but the last year like most it’s become progressively worse. I’m on medication which helps incredibly, however, I can see the black clouds coming back, and I can feel a ‘episode’ happening. I am trying everything I can to ignore it and not let it happen however I feel powerless, and today I haven’t got out of bed, except to go and tell my husband that it’s coming and cry. Does anyone have any advice on how to battle this? Or coping mechanisms? I really can’t have it infiltrating into my work life as it causes so many issues, and puts me so behind, I’m still recovering from the last time. Any advice would be amazing. Thank you.",2 "I accidentally picked a size of swimming trunks too big and was really loose even when tied. I have a hot tub and my cousin and her friend came over. We went in the hot tub and everybody was really quiet. The conversation picked up and I started rambling. (I am a doormat when it comes to human interaction) and I decided I wanted to get out. My cousin's friend was sitting on the edge as I got out. My swimming trunks dragged down a couple of inches partially exposing my cock and she was staring right at it. I grabbed my towel and left like nothing happened. It was the most embarrassing moment of my entire life. Lately, I've been pushing myself to socialize with other people and I think it'd just be better for me to enjoy my own company mostly from now on. Because whenever I try to hang out with people, I always fuck it up. I always mess up somehow. I'm straight and leaning towards asexual (because women treat me like I'm nothing) I'm fucking done. I can't do it. I wish I lived in my own underground mansion isolated from the rest of the world. Somewhere with a piano, books, and a nice couch to sleep on because I've about had it with ""social interaction."" Maybe it isn't meant to be. Maybe I am just a mind that is supposed to be cast out. It would be nice to have a few years or so to myself. Years of meditation, thoughts, ideas, art, and study. The quiet and solitary isolation of my own company is something I enjoy more than anything else. Finally some peace. Edit: She looks like Natalia Dyer but more beautiful. That sounds weird as hell lmao but I guess that's it.",3 "I’ve struggled with severe to suicidal depression for over a decade and this was a helpful tip from a therapist. I hadn’t eaten food or drank any water that day before our virtual session and she told me to go get a glass of water and some to eat while we were talking. She introduced me to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Ultimately, what I can say about this is that if you can address one of two of these primary needs (at the bottom of the pyramid) — if you can! — on a really low day, you are helping yourself and getting your basic needs met. https://www.thoughtco.com/maslows-hierarchy-of-needs-4582571",2 "I don't know if it's just me. Those who say that time heels or it gets better obviously lie. I lost someone precious..and it still continues to haunt me. Ten years, 5 months and 25 days.. and it continues to haunt me. Doesn't help if she continues to be the only person in my life, who hasn't taken any advantage of me in any form...God she left me some serious goals, I still continue to be out of her league.. I don't know how people deal with someone's loss and move on...",2 "I’m diagnosed with C-PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder and ADHD. I’m a very shy and hypersensitive person. Criticism, tension, yelling and name calling is very triggering so I try to avoid it. When I do face conflict, I freeze up and quickly try to de-escalate the situation by telling them what they want to hear. I’m scared of fights. Today, an old woman was slowly walking in front of me but I’ve tried walking past her. Other people were surrounded by this woman but she singled me out and said, “Stand back, dirty n______”. She was clearly not sane but I felt so humiliated! I just laughed and kept my distance. I couldn’t defend myself. My entire day is ruined because I’m highly sensitive. I want to stand up for myself. I want feel confident and unbothered. But how can I stop my freeze/flight reaction to conflict? How can I get comfortable arguing with someone? How can I stop looking weak?",3 "I’m currently a 24 your old college student who is a business and marketing major which I am pairing with a film/music production degree. I was at one point a health science major doing for nursing because I wanted to do that really bad. Here in the 2020s I find myself having a back and forth. I find myself wanting to go back and finish the nursing track, but I also still want my business degree because my big dream is to be able to market myself as a singer and/or have my own film studio. Big dreams I know but I know that I can fall back on the business degree for other things too. I love the arts but I know it’s really hard to break out in those and I find myself second guess my school choices. Anyone else have this issue? I know it’s not a strictly aspie thing but I wanted to ask here as an aspie.",3 "I'm 33 M UK and was diagnosed privately last year. I have not yet started medication, for various reasons. For anyone that has, did you find that the meds have helped you in dealing with people? To be honest, my social skills are abysmal and I sometimes question whether it's ADHD or there is just something else going on in my brain. I can't even visit the supermarket without making things awkward for everyone involved. Recently I'll avoid looking at people in their eyes as well.",0 I dont see why I need them. All they do is cover up my shitty reality. I can function fine without them. I dont care how depressed or suicidal I am without them. They only clog up my body. I am only a number in the mental health system. Others are waiting on appts who can actually benefit.,2 "I always need some sort of background sound going at all time, let it be a fan blowing in my room, or if I am at my computer I always need a youtube video, stream, music or movie playing that I slightly pay attention to but is on generally for noise while I do something else even if it ends up impacting the primary thing I am doing negatively. How many others are like me too? Is this also an effect of ASD or is it just a me thing?",3 "\*edit: he was diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, and Tourettes as a child, and showed the paperwork to the doctor. That was my fault for misunderstanding. He said he felt he needs a new tourettes diagnoses since he hasn't been to the doctor in well over a decade, and I made the false assumption that the ADHD and OCD would have to work in the same fashion since he also hasn't went to the doctor in well over a decade. He is not self medicating, this is all being done in a professional manor.That was my fault for giving bad information, sorry. ​ He is 28 years old. He has been working towards a diagnosis and is taking medication. He started seriously looking into it about 5 months ago. He hardly remembers to pay the bills (but is getting better), he doesn't remember to leave clothes out for me to wash, I will ask him to get me something when he goes and gets drinks but 50% of the time it's the wrong thing. He doesn't remember his own cousin's name. Barely remembers his parents and grandparents birthdays. It seems a lot of things that I would assume is important for an adult to know, it just really slips his mind. ​ But when it comes to things like video games, learning game combos, learning music, remembering plots from his anime/manga's, he is really good and consistent on it. I feel like he is good and consistent on it because he actually takes the time out of his day to learn it, remember it and all that jazz. When I ask him how can he remember a character's huge list of game combos, but not his own cousin's name (who is someone we see multiple times a year and we went to her wedding) or remember birthdays or other things, he says that's just how adhd is and many other people suffer it and I need to educate myself. I ask why he doesn't leave notes or alarms and takes the time to learn it like he does his video games, and he usually gets really upset at the idea. the past month, though, I have notice him leaving small notes for himself which is nice. ​ But I guess I am just confused how ADHD works like that? To my very ignorant, uneducated self, it seems like if it's something he deems important enough to take interest, like video games and music, he has literally not a single problem remembering. He can remember multiple character lists of combos across multiple different games across different platforms. In my uneducated mind, I feel like if he would give half an effort for other things like remembering to do chores, wash clothes, brush teeth, it wouldn't be as bad as it is. But I don't have ADHD, so I truly do not know what it is like and I hope you guys go easy on me and please don't be harsh for coming off unempathetic. I am trying to learn and understand so I can be better. A part of me sometimes feels like he uses the ADHD as an excuse because he knows I can't shame him for that, but I also feel like that is kind of cruel to me to think as well. Please help me understand!",0 "So I don’t even know how to start but I just try to. Hey I’m new here and I’m diagnosed with ocd since 2 years that’s when it got worse and I talked about my intrusive thoughts the first time. My intrusive thoughts are like this: A person which is not attractive or sometimes also disgusting to me stays in my brain and my brain tells me I’m in love with this person so I can’t love my boyfriend anymore and tells me more and more lies related about this. It even attacks my friends so I can’t stay in contact with them and I’m getting so paranoid they could text me so I delete all my social media’s for example just that the person which my intrusive thoughts are about can’t contact me in any way. Sometimes it gets so worse that I can’t see the reality anymore, I’m always panicking then and I’m always afraid and I can’t stop thinking and crying. It’s exhausting, I can’t stand it anymore. I haven’t found the right Therapist for me yet. For many I talked to it’s too much and too complex, I got told they can’t help me. I’m looking for an ocd specialist now. I also was at mental hospitals which helped for a while but when I got home it got worse again. I don’t know what to do anymore. I never found someone which has nearly the same intrusive thoughts like me so my brain tells me it’s not ocd, it’s all real and yea I’m 24/7 anxious. And that’s not even all, I also have compulsions where I‘m forced to repeat mostly everything I do like closing doors a few times, touching a wall a few times or whatever, mainly everything I do I’m forced to repeat it a few times. If I don’t do it I get thoughts like: If you don’t do it your intrusive thoughts get real or if you don’t do it you will lose your boyfriend forever. I‘m also diagnosed with Borderline and I‘m afraid of losing people like my boyfriend Extremely, I get paranoid about everything even if it’s nothing. One therapist I had for a while sees a combination between my ocd and my borderline because it’s mainly related about the same things. I‘m hopeless, I’m afraid, I‘m doing therapy since more than 10 years and I’m only 21, I got diagnosed with different things a lot but now it’s clear that it’s ocd and borderline but I can’t deal with it and I’m working so hard to get my life back but it feels like someone is taking away the real me more and more. Also I can’t find a doctor who knows the right medication, it’s always too much for them. Maybe anyone can relate to this or help me in any way, I just wanted to share this here with some hope to find anyone who can relate.",1 "Hi 👋 I’m not sure if I have ocd but I have a number of ritual type things I feel I have to do or bad things will happen. nearly all of my compulsions are to do with my family. Here is a list; 1) at anytime in the day (maybe around 20-40 times a day) I feel I have to look behind me one way and then turn around 360 with my head/shoulders to have a kind of 360 vision of my surroundings. This is so that at that point all my family memebers, wether at home or now are in my field of view. I don’t know if this makes sense 😩 2) I have to look in the direction of each of my family members in a certain order and then reverse the order. Then repeat this with every combination. This is VERY time consuming. 3)I check behind all doors and under tables, behind cupboards and TVs etc to make sure there is nothing there. For some reason in my mind I think there may be a ransom not for my family or something indicating their danger. 4) when I read book I always have to pause, look and breath in when I see a page number ending in the last digit of one of their birthdays. So basically 80% of the pages Does anyone else have these or similar rituals??",1 " I (30f) have been with my partner (31m) for close to 2 years now. We have generally been happy and good for each other. He is wonderful to me and with my daughter. I love him in ways I never thought I could love anyone. Lately my mental health has been suffering a lot. I was diagnosed with PTSD 11 years ago and have been in and out of therapy and on several different medications. I was in an okay spot when we met and for the first year or so of our relationship. I am not anymore. We experienced an (unplanned but not unwanted) pregnancy 2 months ago that turned out to be ectopic. I had a painful miscarriage and a slew of health problems following it and the emotional toll for both of us has been immense. He has also moved recently and been going through personal changes with that. I have had turmoil in my immediate family lately and tons of financial stress. Things have been hard all around. Lately I have been so so angry. I feel like I am struggling to control my emotions and my reactions. I am consumed by negativity. I know I am not treating him right. The smallest thing will blow up into an argument that will last for days. I know that he is struggling too and I don't know how to help. I feel rejected at every little thing. I am constantly afraid of him abandoning me and I am pushing him away (oh the irony). I don't mean to but I can't stop. I am so mean. I am so angry. I don't sleep much anymore. Everything is triggering. One of my ""anniversaries"" is coming up and I honestly can't cope. I feel like I'm falling apart. I am not currently in therapy but I am trying to be. I am on a few waiting lists. We had an argument the other day that started over a movie and escalated into something ridiculous because of me. I am not a good person. No one deserves to have to put up with me much less the love of my life. I feel like he doesn't understand and like he resents me and I get it. Should I just leave and spare him any more misery? The thought hurts my heart. Sorry if this is vague and all over the place. I am not having a good night. TLDR: I am suffering and it's hurting my relationship. I'm starting to think that I should leave to spare him further pain.",3 "Something I often get tired of hearing is ""get out of your comfort zone."" Maybe it's because as an autistic introvert, I am more attached to my comfort zone than others, but I truly think that a person shouldn't be shamed for wanting to stay in one. Don't get me wrong, I DO think it's important to try new things, BUT...I don't believe that being pressured/forced into trying them is the right way to do it. In my opinion, a person's comfort zone is where they feel happy and in control. They are surrounded by their various interests and hobbies and things that make them happy. You like being in it. It's a shell that houses your personality and idividuality. So, to be constantly told that staying in your zone is bad and will lead you into a boring or unfulfilled life just sounds like a recipe for anxiety and self-doubt. I mean, look at something like this: (https://fitnessmodeldede.files.wordpress.com/2014/04/your_comfort_zone.jpg). Honestly, I consider a person's comfort zone to be the opposite of conformity. Everyone is different and not everyone finds comfort or enjoyment in the same thing in the same way. Like I said before, your comfort zone is like your shell and no two shells are alike. Now, this doesn't mean you *can't* try and expand the borders of your comfort zone. If you really want to and truthfully think it will benefit yourself, then go for it. Just take it slowly and don't feel forced/pressured into it. And if you *really* are having trouble and need to start small, then simply take something from your comfort zone and try to expand or build on it. For example, I prefer futuristic sci-fi and action video games to stuff like fantasy and western games. However, I recently decided to give Red Dead Redemption a try (mainly out of boredom) and found that I kind of like it. See? It's still within the realm of my comfort zone (video games), but I've added something new to it (a new genre of games to play). It's a tiny step forward, but it's something. Now, if I were to be thrown into something 100% outside of my comfort zone against my own will, I'd probably hate it. For example, I remember my folks always forcing my brother and I to play on our church's soccor team as kids in order to make us more social and active. Good intentions, but I hated every minute of it. Another example is when my folks take me to see movies like The Big Shot and The Post because they want me to be into movies about politics and real-world events. Good God, I was bored to death during both of those films! Yes, they won all sorts of Oscars and other awards, but they weren't entertaining to me. There's curiously dipping your toes outside your comfort zone and then there's being forcibly shoved in before you even know how to swim, even if the intentions are good. Besides, who's to say everything inside your comfort zone is bad or won't lead you anywhere? Maybe you have a skill or interest in your zone that, with some expansion or build, you could make a career out of. A guy who likes to draw could become the next Picasso. Or maybe I'm just being sheltered and crazy. I don't know. Maybe I'm just too used to playing things safe unlike everyone without autism or anti-social behavior. What do you think?",3 I'm such a waste of humankind. People all secretly laugh about me.,2 "Sometimes, when I'm able to push my compulsive behavior out, my brain literally guilt trips me saying ""you lying scum, you're just doing this to get attention and a terrible human being when there is nothing wrong with you."" This happened again today because I wanted to change my HIV and chemical-infested clothes but realized I ran out, so I just convinced myself to not do it, saying everyone would have died by now if it was that serious. Does anyone else relate to this? I'm meeting a psychiatrist for the first time to get an assessment after I got referred by a counselor because she suspected OCD, and now I'm doubtful..",1 Anyone here love public transport like trainspotting and busspotting?,3 "I'm considering not going through the NHS anymore and using Ciconia Recovery otherwise I'll still have at least a year before I can see anyone. Does anyone have any experience with them? (Ciconia Recovery) Also, has anyone had any experience with being assessed/getting help through the NHS and also privately? What was the difference? Do you recommend just going privately to speed up the process? This is the first time in my life I can finally get help for myself and its already taken over a year to get my GP to just listen and the NHS so far with my referrals have been really bad *(loosing forms, not notifying me of being accepted for several months, sending letters to the wrong address, sending me I circles when I call up).* I want make sure spending all of the money is going to pay off if I go private so I can actually get some genuine good care and not have to wait more years to start actually being able to live my life with support. Thank you in advance",0 "Hi everyone, I found this video about ERP Scripts, I think it's really good: [https://youtu.be/HrjM091rcXc](https://youtu.be/HrjM091rcXc)",1 "Hey everyone, so I don’t have a PTSD diagnosis and I’m sorry if this post doesn’t fit here very well but I feel like this community might be able to relate to my feelings at the moment. A month and a half ago, I was beat up badly by 3 other people at a club downtown with little to no motive. I ended up with a lot of facial trauma, and multiple hospital visits to deal with the broken nose. It was only a month after the incident that I finally got all of the matted tangles out of my hair. It was just bad. I thought I had gotten over the worst of it emotionally. I tried to take what lessons I could from it and moved forward. Then I visited a club last Friday, for the first time since the incident. I wasn’t worried beforehand and I actually had an amazing time. Until now. My friends and I are planning to revisit the same club this Friday (it’s a local club, where everyone is quite nice and there’s even some familiar faces) but all of a sudden I’m having flashbacks. I’m dealing with a lot of hyperventilating and heart racing as well. I’m suddenly scared to be getting back into these outings. I don’t want irrational fear to take over my social life, because I am very familiar with this club and I know that everyone’s really nice there. I’m just terrified to enter an atmosphere where the same thing could happen again. I’m having these vivid visualizations of scenarios that could possibly take place and I’m just scared shitless. Any advice on how to calm myself down, or how to approach this issue? Thanks.",3 "Does anyone else get super stuck on certain foods for a while? much like the new hobbies I’m constantly picking up, I get stuck on certain foods and drinks as well for a little while. Right now I’m stuck on Fanta orange, but that’ll probably change soon. Anyone else? Is this common or am I reading too much into it?",0 "Hi all, I am a vet tech student who has been retraumatized by my most recent internship site (animal shelter). I was wondering if there are other veterinary assistants, techs, and DVMs here I could talk with/ ask advice from. Thank you!",3 "I posted this in the autism subreddit, but I wasn't sure if that was the best place to post it, so I'm posting it here, too. I hope that's ok. I apologize in advance if it's not. I'm looking for options to completely block out the sounds of a person talking in the room next to mine. My brother is coming home from college in a few days. This means that my mom will not be able to use his room as her office for about a month. Her job involves talking on the phone for several hours a day. Unfortunately for me, our rooms are right next to each other. I've brought up switching rooms with my brother, but his room has poor climate control, and I have difficulty regulating my body temperature. Do I have any options? Any advice is appreciated. I don't want to have to dread my brother coming home, or fantasize about being deaf, because of this. Thanks!",3 "I'm in a relationship with a girl who's also on the spectrum, on a similar level to myself. We've been together for around 6-7 months now, and all things considered it's going pretty well. However, one thing that I am finding still occasionally irks me is, for instance, if we watch a movie/show together that I'm(mostly internally) excited to show her-- and she ends up not liking it or seems to just be simply uninterested/distracted. The worst is when we watch some sort of comedy that I LOVE, and she doesn't really seem to show any signs of enjoyment or anything. We just watched 2 episodes of Seinfeld and she might've laughed once. I try not to show that I'm disappointed, but inside it still gets to me a bit. I'm sure it probably sounds kinda childish, but it really makes me a bit anxious. I've experienced the same feeling in past situations with friends, but because we're together it's like that feeling is amplified. In all fairness I'm sure she probably feels the same way at times when showing me things that she likes, but still I'm not sure what to do. I've tried to convey how I feel about this to her in the past, but as expected it didn't really help and if anything just made the experience more awkward. If anyone has been able to figure out this dilemma in this kind of relationship, lmk how please.",3 "Suffering from HOCD and its getting worse its even with family. Throat feeling, penis swelling, heart beating, feeling anxious, intrusive thoughts. I don't know how to stop it and it keeps making me depressed. I don't know what to do anymore.",1 "Music has been an outlet for most of my life, but since my experiences, it has become more of a reminder. A certain song can teleport me right back to an event. Zombie, by either the cranberries or bad wolves (especially bad wolves), truly bothers me. Are there songs that bother you? Is this normal?",3 "Over the last few months I have had a couple of really disturbing unwanted instrusive thoughts that I have overcome and I thought that maybe sharing what the reality of this feels like may help some people looking to recover. I will write in 2nd person (""you"") but I am of course writing from personal experience, so take it as you will. Here goes: if you have a particular unwanted intrusive thought or bundle of thoughts, whether it is HOCD, POCD, IOCD, Relationship OCD, false memory, real event, or whatever, not engaging with the thoughts and not ruminating really does work. However, it works in a way that you might not expect. Sometimes, because this is about habit-building, we might associate with other sorts of habits and incremental improvements, like losing weight or learning to play guitar or speak another language. However, as you practice those disciplines, you will notice incremental gains. You might feel a pound lighter every week, and find that you have more energy, and that you look a bit better (defined by your own standards that is). In my experience, OCD recovery is not like this at all. Your skill will develop incrementally, as in, you will get better at saying, ""maybe, maybe not."" However, rather than feeling better incrementally - feeling a bit less obsessive and a bit less anxious every day, your anxiety doesn't seem to drop. It just continues, as though there has been no progress at all. Then, when you least expect it, you wake up one morning and find that those thoughts have completely lost their grip on you, all at once, overnight. Everything feels appropriate and in proportion. Even if you have a thought about the thing, that obsessive and fearful grip is just completely removed, as if by magic. It's like waking up from a bad dream. Maybe people with anxiety disorder can relate. A panic attack doesn't just decrease gradually until you don't feel anxious anymore. You might be at peak anxiety and then, suddenly, the feeling goes, and it as though an illusion has been broken, and you can see things for the way they really are. I don't know if anyone can relate, but that is how my recovery over intrusive thoughts/Pure O has felt, that's how I've experienced it.",1 "Hey there! I was wondering if you knew some reading on basic socializing or friendship building? I've managed to build a functioning relationship but I'm realising that I don't really have any friends of my own. I don't really know how to maintain a friendship and have no clue how to get to know to people. I always seem to end up alienating the people I'm talking to by doing things I don't even realise I'm doing. I've been told I'm too direct and can't read at all like the subtle social cues. I'm basically fine as I am and happy with myself but I was just wondering if there was some good literature that might help me understand more what is happening when I'm interacting with other people and things don't work out on some reason. I'd like to be able to create lasting friendships but even only understanding might give me more peace of mind.",3 "I’m currently battling many mental health issues, but none fucks me up as much as my ocd. The constant battle is getting absolutely exhausting. I suffer mostly from ROCD and POCD, but honestly it attacks just about everything in my life. ROCD is making my relationship really hard sometimes because feeling like you don’t love your partner and then you do and then you don’t is exhausting. Last night he spoke me to sleep when I was really depressed (school has started recently and I’m a mess because of it, I’m basically numb) , and made me feel truly in love again. I know I love him. But my ROCD is convincing me that I find him annoying, that he’s not funny to me anymore and that he’s not the one even if loving thoughts of him float through my mind the whole day. Anyone going through the same thing or have any idea how to help?",1 "I've had depression for a long time , my previous psychiatrist diagnosed me with clinical depression and my current psychiatrist diagnosed me with mixed anxiety and depressive disorder with ADHD . Have been taking Meds and Going to therapy for some time . With every visit my condition gets worse and my psychiatrist says My depression isn't as bad that we use TMS , even though we did a test and I check all the conditions of clinical depression . My therapist says to exercise and stuff , but I did all that . Nothing is helping . If Anyone knows what is going on with me please help . Thankyou",2 "Asking for input! So I need to write a research paper for an environmental studies class I’m taking as part of my major. Background: I’m 34, dx in 3rd grade. Does anyone else have a reeeeeeally hard time just formulating a research topic/question? For as curious as I am and as easy to fall down research rabbit holes on things like guitar amps and camera lenses, I can’t think of a single thing I’m curious about that I can’t just Google really quick. Here’s what the professor says: “A more interesting focus would be to look at options for future water supply and how the 7 basin states + Mexico plan to share shortages in the CRB. As you know, Arizona is the junior rights holder to Colorado River water so we are at higher risk for future supply. OR: An important long-term issue is the AZDWR's and CAP plans to pursue desalination as a water augmentation strategy (longer-term horizon--buildout of desal takes about 10 years).” Is she lobbing this at me and I’m overthinking it? Or do any of you have suggestions for a direction I could take this? Thanks ✌🏻✌🏻",0 "Hey, just reporting in from the UK. Met my counselor today at a a charity group called ASPIE. It was only £5 and they basically have a house set up for people with aspergers to chill out and meet like minded people. While meeting people wasn't what I really wanted to do, I had a one to one session with their counselor and she was lovely. She validated a lot of my feelings, it felt like she really understood me. We haven't for into the nitty gritty of things yet but with what I've said she very much believes I'm on the spectrum. I'm going to ring my new gp (moved house) and try to start the diagnosis process. Just writing as I have no one else to speak to who will really understand, also wanna anonymously thank any charity group that's set up like this. Like I said, the idea of chilling with people there wasn't really something I'm after it makes me happy that these places exist and thankful of the volunteers that work there.",3 "so ive been on adderall for a couple years at this point but a few months ago it really wasn’t doing anything anymore so my doctor bumped me up to 30 mgs instead of 20 and it really didn’t help much but now i cant even tell that im on adderall when i take it. i also deal with depression so sometimes its hard for me to distinguish if some of my symptoms are due to that or my adhd being uncontrolled. is this normal for adderall to quit working or am i just building a tolerance? has this ever happened to anyone else?? i honestly dont know what to do anymore, its so frustrating lol.",0 "Anyone else have songs stuck in their head that's related to their current intrusive thoughts? It's like just when you think it can't get any worse, ocd decides to double down. Can't just have some random song on the radio stuck in your head, it has to be something you're already freaked the f\*ck out about.",1 "Anyone ever get random memories that just show up without you thinking of them? Sometimes i get a memory of the most random stuff.. sometimes it feels like its a memory of a smell too. Its hard to describe it. I obviously dont smell it but its a memory of it.",1 When my ocd is is intense my frontal lobe feels extremely active and in overdrive plus my guilt over past mistakes consumes me. Im sure everyone in the group knows what im talking about. This happens to me 2-3x a year and im like this for anywhere from a week to a month. Any tricks on how to unlock the frontal lobe? What does everyone do to calm themselves ti feel “normal again”? Thank you,1 "I keep having intrusive thoughts and ruminations, about not being about to talk to people, even though I also think I'm the most talkative person aswell, I think its cause I have nothing new to talk about or no friends to talk to. But when I watch tv or read a book I'm kinda like ""I dont think o can keep up with conversations like that"" or that im bad at it. I do know I don't have a broad vocabulary cause when I was younger I had behavioral problems and couldn't sit still in class long enough to learn big words, or there is sometimes where I know what I want to say but it's like it's on the tip of my tounge but I have to reroute my words to try and make a new sentence to get what I want to say out but with different words I'd that makes sense. Idk if it does. Or I might be saying it right but I think I'm not.",1 "Has anyone been in a situation where TSA did a pat down / search and the agent touches a triggering area? What happened? What should one do in that situation? Context: I saw a post about a woman who had her breasts squeezed hard by TSA agents during a search. That would fucking send me into the largest flashback. IDK if I would fightback or just collapse crying.",3 "So I didn’t realize I did this until last summer. Basically I realized I obsess over the possibility I’m racist or somehow being racist and it’s gotten worse now that things are going back to normal. It’s to the point where I can’t even look at certain POC in public because I’m worried I’m somehow being racist and staring too much. You know how your mom says “don’t stare” at the disabled kid or the homeless man? That was my mindset. “You’re staring too much!” “Now you’re staring not enough!” Or being polite or overly polite. At times it feels like I’m the teacher from everybody hates Chris. It’s worse because now that I realize I’m doing it, my mind is battling with me. I can’t enjoy a lot of stuff I used to because I keep ruminating. When I watch get out, (one of my favorite movies because I love the twist and rod is hilarious), all my mind says is “you hypocrite! How can you enjoy this?!” Or when I watch Brooklyn 99 and watch Holt, all I think is “you’re just laughing at Holt because he’s black, not because he’s funny!” I was wondering, is this a kind of OCD? I only ask because I have POCD and I realized the two have a lot in common, especially with the whole “just admit to yourself you’re secretly a monster in hiding” battles. For reference, I’m a Hispanic/Italian female and I have some African ancestry, but I was raised in a predominately Italian house.",1 "I have been trying to understand the relationship of caffeine and serotonin and such. Today I couldn't get out of bed. I'm not a regular coffee drinker but I randomly had the thought to jolt myself up with caffeine and I have been able to stay out of bed with a somewhat more balanced mood. Now I imagine if I was a coffee addict the effect would diminish but could it temporarily help on bad days?",2 "How did you finally decide that it was up to yourself to take action and get help. I feel like a lot of us are stuck in a place where we feel “weak” if we want to seek help, or our ADHD kicks in and decides that we don’t need help. Tired of people around me that I love having to deal with my bullshit. Not looking for pitty just general advice on how you maybe motivated yourself to get your mindset to a point of “Yeah your gonna have to get help, and that road is gonna be for the rest of your life, but I have to commit for the better of myself and those around me.” Commitment is very difficult for me.",0 "We get it a lot hey? The thought of it is so embarrassing that I had to post this under a different account. I wish there's a way to stop myself from doing so. I don't wanna get shot.",3 today is my birthday and i was feeling depressed before today i force myself to eat im not really hungry anymore. my aunt had her baby shower today so everybody was more so focused on that. i feel like i ain't got anybody and i feel alone ive been trying to keep going and keep my head up but its hard,2 "Most people are triggered by loud sounds. It’s almost like a ptsd stereotype. Mine are so stupid and I don’t get it. I get triggered by stuff like happy families with 2 parents. I always get violent feelings towards kids who grew up with 2 parents and plenty of friends. Kids who had a nice home and a pet dog and an older brother. I fucking hate Christmas with a passion. Everyone’s Christmas is so happy and it’s all about family. The “perfect” family Christmas. I get mad at people who always complain about their families and don’t want to have family holidays because I don’t understand. You could tell me how hellish family christmases are and I’d still kill to have one. I just wanna have a storybook life, like something out of a hallmark movie. People get seriously concerned when they see the stuff I write, like all the stuff about suicide, self harm, death, mental illness and such. I also hate happy stories. My grandma forces me to watch shitty hallmark movies all the time. They trigger me so much. I just want someone to give a shit about me. I wanna kiss someone who loves me just as much I love them while it starts to snow and the wind begins to pick up. But I know it will never happen. I stay up late crying, just wondering what it would be like if I had two parents who always loved each other and we lived in a nice house in a nice neighborhood and I had kids to play with and childhood friends. I always manage to turn the blame onto myself. Like it’s my fault that my mom did drugs and it’s my fault that my dad is mentally fucked up and it’s my fault we were homeless and we lived in a shitty apartment and I never had friends to play with. They say there’s no such thing as “normal”. Well I can tell you right now, having a nice house and two parents and not having ptsd and not being trans and having cool friends is more normal than me. I get told that I’m whiny a lot. I guess they’re right. Because nobody else cares about that. Nobody else complains about an abusive mom when you’re a vulnerable 3 year old. Nobody else cares to read this. I wish I was at my dads right now. He’s always asleep and I can always take a walk at night. It’s nice to take a walk down the empty streets and cry because for some reason the way street light hits the pine trees on the north side of East Lowell street is triggering. I don’t even understand a lot of my triggers. Pine trees are the biggest triggers of all. It’s stupid as hell. I got triggered enough to write this after watching another cheesy movie. The kid had 2 happy parents and a really sweet older sister. He had a nice home in New York City and a ton of cool friends. His school went on an awesome field trip to the woods. My biggest dream is to go camping with friends. It sounds like a pretty dumb thing to get upset over. It probably is. I miss camping. I miss camping with my dad when he used to be healthy. I miss camping with my dad to escape my mom. I miss fishing in the river with Jacob and Lily up on the rogue river. My mom took away the most fun part of the year, camping on the rogue river with my friends. For her drug addiction recovery thing a lot of her friends and their kids go camping together. It’s basically the only thing I live for anymore. That and going to school to be with my crush. Of course, that too is gone now. I just wish I could die without anyone caring. I just want to disappear. Kids love to pull the white girl depression card on me and brush me off them. They say I have plenty of friends. I don’t think real friends ignore you when you try to talk. I don’t think real friends invite everyone in the friend group to go camping but you. I don’t think real friends have birthday parties without you. I don’t think real friends completely forget about your birthday and make up stupid excuses to not hang out on your birthday when you just wanted one thing for your birthday: to see your friends. I want to be able to cry and not have anyone care. My grandma doesn’t understand that sometimes you just need to cry. Whenever I’m staying with her she will not leave me alone if I cry. I get she just wants to help but holy crap it gets old. So um... there’s probably a lot more I could talk about but ig I’ll end it right here. If you made it to the end thanks for reading my tangent about being/feeling different....",3 "Hey, all. Not sure if this is ADHD-specific, but seems in line with some of the other ADHD personality traits. I am illogically afraid that I’ve done something massively wrong…when I haven’t. I’m always afraid that my boss is mad at me, that I’m going to be fired, that people hate me, or have notions about me that aren’t true. Again, I have absolutely no reason to believe any of this. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. My boss loves me, I’m revered at work, and generally, people like me. Yet the facts can’t convince me otherwise. Anyone else?",0 "I am in college, and I just found out today that I have depression. This all started when I lost my phone at the end of the day on my birthday. I never lose my phone and was kind of freaking out trying to find it, and I got some help to see if I just missed it. Once I found my phone, I felt like such a burden. Fast forward through me just making little mistakes as I do and just thinking worse of myself than I usually do, leading last weekend being the first weekend that I have had some low-key suicidal thoughts (like I won't actually harm myself, but I do wonder what it would be like to just not exist). I just feel like I can't do anything, and the only people I feel comfortable talking to about this are people I am in long-distance friendships with; I don't want to add to their stress, so I am just not gonna say anything. The only person at school I feel comfortable talking to has been acting strange, and I am unsure if he's upset or something....and I really don't want to find out because my parents are terrible at conflict, so I now think that conflicts just end everything, so I feel that if there's any conflict, it's over....so that is making me feel uncomfortable to talk about what I am going through with this particular friend. So basically, I am not smart, which leads me to feel like a burden to other people, which leads me to not think well of myself, which makes me believe I am a burden to people all the while feeling burnt out, exhausted, and hopeless, and I don't know what to do",2 "Ive been dealing with ptsd since childhood but only recently have been diagnosed and able to acknowledge it at 21. I've been in college for 3 years and navigating that while unknowingly navigating ptsd, so its been a slight shitshow. Eventually I've realized my biggest problem is that I get triggered, a flare up happens, and I dissociate and become dysfunctional for a time. This happens somewhat often as theres a few different events that play into my triggers, so triggers can be a bit widespread. Its incredibly frustrating and difficult because I'm an engineering double major. I went into the field knowing I had the capacity to grasp the subjects but didnt realize how bad ny mental health was, I thought I only dealt with run-of-the-mill anxiety and depression. I also live on my own with no roommates so my cost of living is bs. The system I have going right now has it so I can't make enough during the school year to pay for all my expenses, so I use tax returns (US) and summer jobs to build up my savings for the school year. Its really stressful but it's the only way I can live alone right now, which is very important to me. It will be like this for the next 9 months at least (in the middle of a lease). So I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking to get out of this. I think its 1 part wanting to vent to a group of people that might understand and 1 part looking for ways to improve my coping and general quality of life. If you read this through, thank you very much.",3 "I dont get the NT mindset. we see everything as black and white. so we tend to be honest (alongside so many other traits, but i'll focus on this one for the example), and when we get criticised or 'corrected' for feeling a certain way that confuses us. does that mean neurotypicals just live with the lies, like it doesnt faze them that they dont know everything. or like a movie, lets say you try to work out who the actor is, NT's dont research this persons whole life and past scandals and rumours and everything????? like i found out that hitler has a sister and i fell into that rabbit hole and now i know everything there is to know about paula wolff. i just dont understand. sorry if none of that made sense. im just so confused, and i use we/us a lot but if you have different experiences then tell me about them! i dont mean to invalidate your experiences, autism is a spectrum. have a nice day",3 "So I don’t have diagnosed ADHD, but I’m pretty certain that I have it (the inattentive type). I know you’re not supposed to self diagnose but I’ve been experiencing problems since high school 10 years ago that seem to align with ADHD symptoms. I am planning on going to therapy once I get on my own health insurance in January. Anyway, one thing that happens is every couple of days or so I get into a weird funk that comes on super abruptly where I am completely unmotivated to do anything. I will even put on a tv show or start playing a game I like and I’ll just immediately hit a wall and stop what I’m doing & end up just scrolling on Tik Tok for hours. It makes me feel so sad and I hate it. It also stops me from doing things I really need to do like grocery shopping, laundry, etc. I’m currently experiencing it right now and I keep telling myself to get up & do something but I physically and mentally cannot bring myself to. Is this common with ADHD, and what do you do that helps?",0 For example I was obsessed with the fear that my dog (puppy at the time) was getting too big and I was constantly looking up statistics and growth charts to compare. I also was afraid that I would have male chromosomes without me knowing it which would mean I was actually genetically speaking a boy (while I’m a girl). Another weird one is that I was afraid that when I would look in the mirror and think I looked good it would mean I was in love with myself which means I’m attracted to the same gender which means I must be secretly gay…,1 I have suffered from ADHD for a long time and I’m in university now and it’s getting to the point where I’m doing horrible in my classes. I found grade 12 to be very easy as it was all online but now being in university it’s a lot harder. I called a mental health number and they referred me to talk to a doctor about this. I talked to a doctor and they said they would give me a referral in 2 weeks which is kind of crazy. I’m worried that I’m going to get kicked out of the program that I’m in and the humiliation that would come with it. I’m just super lost right now on what I should do next. I also feel like I’m going behind my parents back because they have always refused to put me on ADHD medication.,0 "My mom knows I've had severe depression for years now, and hearing her telling me to 'just be productive' just broke my heart. I can't get away with the fact that she could say things like 'just don't feel sad' to me after having seen all I've been through. She keeps on telling me to drop out of school if I'll continue this way. I know she doesn't mean it but I always feel like she's just trying to degrade me. How do you guys usually react to ppl who tell you this kind of things?",2 "You know how you get hyperfixations right? And like a good month or two later it's gone I'm in my last year of school rn, and around August I got this surge of motivation to prepare for my college entrance examinations, was spending the entire day with my books, wasn't taking afternoon maps because I was so full of energy and the whole thing. I've been going slower and slower since September and only today did I realise that it was probably a hyperfixation and now it's worn off I'm probably never going to find the same motivation again and it's honestly scary because all these exams are just round the corner and I can't sit and focus for the life of me.",0 "My dad, dead. My mom, dementia. Im alone. Im over 30 and have had depression for over 20 years. These past weeks, maybe a month and a half? - I have been mostly in bed. I am awake 5h at most, the rest I sleep, in and out of consciousness. I have dreams, most where I live another life, surrounded by people who show care and love, I have fun, im on adventures, it feels real. In some dreams I meet my dad, and I always end them telling him he is dead. Until then I have care and love, we go buy icecream or on a drive. Then it ends in tears and panic. In some dreams I dream about my mom being completely gone into the fog, not even remembering me anymore, where she does not speak, she shows nothing in terms of emotions to me; except bitterness. I wake up feeling this weight, like I am suffocating under a mountain. I cry and have a hard time breathing. Then I pray for sleep again, with a better dream... Life is not for me. Never was. Only good light I have is my cats. I just am awake to play with them, feed them, fix their litter boxes, hug them. They like sleeping on me. Besides that; its like I live on death row in isolation... built by myself and the cold reality around me.",2 """We all have 'that one friend', like the funny friend, or the weird one, or the tech savvy, so, I have a question, in that way, what friend are you in your group of friends?"". Would you personally consider that a good way to start getting to know someone? I recently thought of that question, but I'm unsure if it sounds good.",3 "This sucks so much. I literally took the entire year to work on my mental health. I tried everything, I talked to two different psychiatrists, went to an IOP, half a dozen meds, therapy, took time off of going to school. Nothing is working. Today, I helped my uncle carry a heavy piece of furniture, and I got upset when we were having a miscommunication about how we were going to fit it through the door. I went up to my room and just sobbed. I feel pathetic for getting so overwhelmed. Why can’t I just be normal? Why can’t I go back to how I was before? Honestly thinking that there’s not much else I can do at this point. Life truly sucks.",2 I feel so rude for doing so. Especially because it’s mostly just people giving advice. I try to be polite but I feel I’m being dismissive.,3 "In 2016 I was in the beautiful city of Nice on Bastille Day which is of particular importance for the French to celebrate their history of revolution. I was there with two buddies and we had met some Cansdians (as I am) at the hostel we were staying at. We drank in the court yard and had a great evening. When sunset came we decided to head down to the promenade along the Mediterranean to watch the fireworks. Upon our walk down to the promenade we stopped to listen to a concert in the main square... the performer stopped his performance and spoke in French ( I have a basic level of French due to the Canadian schooling system) and then everyone ran in panic. I asked a woman what was happening and she said ""A car crashed into people"". In our drunken state my friends and I decided it was probably an isolated event (probably a drunk driver) and continued to the promenade. Once we made it to the promenade we were presented with with the goal of terrorism... to create terror. It was at that point that we realized the severity of the issue. People were running over top of eachother and pushing themselves into restaurants. Restaurant owners were forcibly kicking people out and pulling down the barriers as if they we closing. So my friends and I crawled to the general direction of our hostel because at this time gun shots began. We later found out that this was the police shooting at the driver but at the time it was impossible to decipher. We eventually made it back to our hostel unharmed except for some scrapes and bruises from the pushing and shoving. We were all fine. However the thing that bothers me to this day is that even after hearing that there was a ""car that crashed into people"" I continued to press on to continue the party because I was in the south of France wanting to get fucked up. This occurred at the same time and children were being killed. We cut our trip short by 5 days and returned home immediately. I've spoken with very few people about these events and shy away from sharing my emotions. My friends that were with me have discussed the events but I seem to be affected more so. I guess we would chalk this up to survivors guilt. Any insight is welcomed. When I returned home I began to feel a great unease in large events. TIFF (Toronto International Film Festival) is huge and I went with my now wife about 2 months after the events and had a panic attack while we walked down the streets that had been opened for foot traffic only. I now get anxiety whenever I think about France. I guess my question is does anyone else have survivors guilt and how have you dealt with it.",3 "I'm a 28 year old engineering student in what I thought was my last semester of community college until transferring to a 4 year institution. I'm only taking 2 classes (dropped 1) and am still not making ends meet. Prob have to stay an extra semester... Whenever I start a new semester, In my head I feel like I have extra time for other projects like planning a winter trip, join a part-time research internship, learn piano, teach piano, making time to exercise, work on my truck, take care of my dog, stay organized, go to shows, hang with friends, etc. but I really don't!! And I'm sick of myself for never learning from the same mistake over and over again. I try to excel as a student while doing chores to please my family (I live with them) and end up getting burnt out and sad I'm not having fun with friends or dating. But when I do go out and have fun it then becomes an issue of getting addicted to having a good time and blowing off studying to go out and do literally anything else other than study. The transition between mental states of ""party time"" and ""study time"" is what is the most frustrating and I don't know how to make it a smoother,quicker process. Anyone have any tips or advice? I'm on Adderall and propranolol and also meditate but still find it hard to sit at my desk and just do my shit. Gahhh... Thanks for reading y'all. ✌️",0 "My trauma happened when I was a teen. There was never any closure. I was basically abused by a guy I was seeing and our mutual friends didn't seem to see any evidence of his cruelty. He played mind games and kept getting more cruel over time until the abused escalated to a sexually violent episode in which he laughed while writing online that he 'raped people'. I never told anyone until years later when the topic of sexual violence, rape culture and #metoo became more mainstream. I was encouraged to report it, and I did yet the police report was disappointing. He was not arrested due to a lack of evidence (even though he has multiple accusers none were successful in providing enough proof to go to court with, and all of the accusers were in some sort of romantic relationship with him). The police report only became a source of a secondary trauma because it occurred to me what a dead end the justice system is for sexual assault cases. I saw statistics that said that only 5% of rape cases actually result in prison time for the rapist therefore I developed a fear of being sexually assaulted again. If it happened once who's to say it wouldn't happen again? I wanted desperately to ""get over it"" and tried very very VERY hard to have new experiences that would ""invalidate"" my fear yet my attempts to do so just became more memories that reaffirmed my fears. For example, after my rape case didn't go to court due to a lack of evidence, I tried to ""remain optimistic"". I reasoned thar it may be unfair and unfortunate that my rapist wasn't punished but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy my life and meet men who respect me. I sought out male company for the purpose of making connections so I could prove to myself that I can ""move on"" and can ""trust again"". I didn't think all men were rapists so I thought that eventually I would succeed. But then when I entered the dating scene, I had three bad encounters in a row that were very triggering. One is a man I was hanging out with platonicly who got the wrong idea and thought we were on a date. When he found out it wasn't a date he started calling me ugly and said I needed to find friends. Another man I actually went on a date with told me that his ""crazy ex"" accused him of rape and it went to court and he said he almost got ten years. I knew from my experience with reporting rape that if it went to court, the case had evidence against him. The third date I had with a guy I used to work with. He told me his ex was raped by 3 different guys and then he started laughing about it, and then asked if I had any sexual trauma. When I said I had, he wanted to know details and kept asking me as if it was entertaining and amusing for him. I kept saying I didn't want to tell him but he kept pressuring me beyond what I was comfortable with. Then he tried to pressure me to take molly. I didn't want to and he kept trying to convince me to take it, insisting that it wasn't ecstasy or a date rape drug. When I was fact checking his claim on my phone, he told me that he could have put it in my drink when I wasn't looking. He kept making rape jokes at my expense and rape jokes in general. He had a misogynistic perspective on women, believed in rape myths and laughed at his ex's expense (her experience with sexual assault). He also suggested that he groomed his ex and may have sexually abused her. He told me that he considered her a sexual conquest and he told me of two seperate examples where he had abused women as sexual conquests. If I spoke about every traumatic experience I've had or of other examples of how other women in my life were similarly sexually abused by men in their lives, I simply would never shut up. It seems as if it is a pervasive problem in our culture. Everywhere I seem to look I find men who spread rape myths or seem to not really grasp what consent really is or how mentally damaging sexual assault is? Many mock the survivors of sexual assault and discredit their trauma, considering it dramatic, theatrical, manipulative, irrational or ""stupid"". My relationships with people frequently abruptly end when I see how they stigmatize, shame and blame survivors and how they defend, excuse and minimize the abuse. My sense of safety is always uncertain when I'm around men and my trust erodes easily. People have started mocking my coping skills as I frequently shut out people I was once friends with over their opinions. They don't think it's rational but I do because their opinions are indicative of their behaviour and I don't regret isolating myself from people I consider harmful. I consider it to be a bullet dodged. My behaviour has attracted attention from many who think all sorts of things about me. That I'm insecure, selfish, masochistic, sadistic, a man hater, a woman attracted to abusive men, a delusional woman who thinks all men are rapists, a closeted lesbian, a confused bisexual.... the list goes on and on. Instead of finding support in people I instead find judgements and often they don't even make any sense when they are all compiled. I don't know how to have relationships with people when they are impatient about my healing from trauma and form false narratives about who I am as a person. My takeaway however is that I must be the problem if I'M the one having problems with so many people? I'm often finding myself so frustrated with people and I resent the fact that I seem so unpopular with people and I'M considered ""toxic"" or ""crazy"" yet abusers often don't have such problems? Abusers are often charming with people and can be very popular. I think maybe what I'm hating at the moment is social hierarchy and the truth of it all. It's very competitive and underhanded what people do to each other and it seems like people with manipulative and psychopathic traits are able to navigate social circles so well yet I'm not yet I'm called psycho or crazy because people don't understand me? I know communication has a lot to do with it. If I communicated better, people would understand what upsets me or not but I think what I learned from my traumatic experiences is that me communicating my discomfort or emotional pain isn't a helpful preventative measure for people intent on hurting you. That's exactly the point for some people so I don't bother communicating if I have determined that they are trying to he hurtful. If I identify that then I leave and then it's like if I do that, it attracts attention from mutual friends who seem to think it would be funny to trigger me too? And I get paranoid about if a person is being intentionally triggering or not but I tend to operate on a ""better safe than sorry"" philosophy and I ditch the relationship. Maybe I could be a vulnerable narcissist and it's confusing knowing how not to be? I feel like I have tried to take the steps towards healing and meeting good people so I'm becoming so confused on what more I could possibly do? It feels so isolating.",3 "So I’m a sophomore in high school and believe I might have ADHD or ADD. I am not the best when it comes to school work be cause not only am I forgetful but even if I really give it me all and try I still can’t pick up the material. I’ve even tried going before or after and still can’t learn it. But my problem excel beyond school. I and extremely forgetful to the point when some days I won’t remember what I ate the day before. And then I can’t be in a silent room I just feel like I can hear every thought, my heart beat, everything, so I constantly have a airpod in my ear playing something. And I feel like a always have to do something with my hands like like I have to fidget with my shirt or a pencil or something. I also have little phases. Like one day I’ll be super into drawing, they magic card tricks, then wrestling then I’ll forget about them all. But I don’t know if I have it or not. I have tried taking little questionnaires online about it and they say there is a chance I have it. But there is no point in telling my parents because they won’t believe me. What should I do because I’m a athlete I can’t fail in school. Please help",0 "I feel like I’m jumping the gun by even posting in here because my experience just happened yesterday. If death and loss are your triggers please don’t read further. I feel like I need to talk this out and learn how to deal with it. I was staying at a theme park hotel this weekend and was woke. Up yesterday morning to my roommate running out into the hall and letting the door slam behind her. I hears crying in the hall but thought that our friend had come down to her room with her 2 year old. When it didn’t stop and she didn’t return I went out to see what was going on. The lady in the room next to us was sitting propped against her hotel room door, holding it open. She was screaming hysterically. When my roommate came out of her room a second later on the phone, I went to see if someone needed my help. The lady’s husband was lying face down on the bathroom floor. He had collapsed in the shower. People were all standing around in the hall and nobody was helping but us. Apparently she had been screaming for help for about a half hour before I woke. Her husband was purple and not breathing. I immediately dropped to the floor to hold her and try to get her to look away. She clung to me while my roommate talked to 911 to get someone dispatched. A man from another room came in finally to try to help. Hotel medics came and then the paramedics, where he was transported to the hospital on an intubator. Given the length of time he had not been breathing before help arrived, I don’t think that helped him to survive. We stayed with the wife until the paramedics left and the hotel staff arranged to get her to the hospital. We helped her call some people that she needed to contact. She told us that he was 58, they married as teenagers and had been married for 41 years. They were visiting Florida on vacation for her birthday and were supposed to have a VIP theme park tour that morning. I am so glad to have been there to offer her support during this time, as I hope someone would offer it to me if the roles were reversed. But every time the room gets quiet and my thoughts aren’t actively occupied, all I can hear is the sound of her screaming and then I see her on the floor next to him. It’s not really the husband that is occupying my thoughts, I have been around death enough to deal with that type of trauma, but the wife’s devastation and despair and the sound of her wails are haunting me. I don’t know how to make it stop. :-(",3 Stressing me so much. I already got held back a year because of covid. I missed 30 days this year already I can't do this I want to die I can't keep doing this I'm going to kill myself it doesn't get better I just want it to end already what did I do to deserve this,2 "I was seeing one psychiatrist for a few years up until a few months ago. I tried a few of the SSRI’s and they didn’t seem to work. I ended up on 4 different medications with pretty high dosages. I had a hospitalization back in September and started seeing a new psychiatrist who wanted to take me off those 4 medications and start me on Zoloft. I told him it didn’t work before, but he said I probably wasn’t on the right dosage. Getting off those medications was brutal. It may sound a little dramatic but I’d be screaming from how depressed I was. I started off on Zoloft 50 mg 2 weeks ago. I was on that dosage for about a week. I still felt depressed but not to the point where I was screaming. I noticed I’d be okish until around 3:30 and started getting progressively more sad throughout the night. Started off on 75 mg this week. I think I’m getting worse. Now I start feeling bad as soon as I wake up and get sadder throughout the day. I cry every day. In fact last night was the first time I didn’t cry even though I felt like shit. I broke down today. Im supposed to see him Monday. Has anyone had similar experiences with SSRIs. I feel so hopeless. I just want one day where I feel okay",2 "I remember the last time I was choked by my step-dad who was playing dad at the time and continued to until I was able to leave the house I had to have been like 5 years old but we were at a hotel. My mom was not there, of course - it wouldn't have happened if she was My dad had picked me up by my neck with two hands and carried me, chucking me on the ground towards the bathroom. He then picks up my little sister by her neck and started carrying and strangling her. But something changed. I knew it was wrong now, it suddenly clicked. I yelled at my dad to 'put my sister down!' (imagine that sad scene, 5 year old little boy) he did and I don't know the look he gave but he never choked us again He was the kind of guy to hide the abuse. The second we knew it was wrong and were forming solid memories he realized he needed to stop. From that point on it became 25 hate filled lashes bare with a belt Fuck that man and the fact that my sister doesn't remember everything. Then again I was the only one getting the whippings after that. She wonders why I cut him off now in my 20's (she is his full biological daughter - half sister to me)",3 "Hi all, I don't really know if I meet any sort or criteria to make it worth the doctor's time or not. I've been a Correctional Officer for the past 4 years working both County Jails and State Penitentiaries. The only reason I'm even seeking advice is because I have currently switched over to a civilian field for a higher paying job, and I came very close to losing said job this morning. After my first year as a rookie I haven't been able to handle crowds very well. Being surrounded by people makes me feel like I'm being suffocated anymore. Just this morning I was standing at the time clock ready to leave work (I'm a night shifter) and this group of people, also ready to clock out, decided that out of the entire hallway our time clocks are in, they had to get physically close enough to where one of their elbows bumped into me. I know it's irrational, but it took every fiber of my being to control my breathing and not strike this person. My hands have literally been shaking for for past 30 minutes because I'm having a very hard time calming down. I really like my new job, but I'm worried my past career may be coming back to haunt me and cause me to do something that I'd regret. Should I talk to somebody about it?",3 "I know I am depressed. I feel like I am pretending to be a human being and I am just a shell. When I think about the future even as far as a week in the future, I feel nothing and I see nothing. I don't want to live and I don't want to die. I don't want anything and I barely care about anything. Everything feels pointless not in a sad way but in an incredibly empty and meaningless way.",2 "I never thought that I had ADHD. But now that I learned about the symptoms and causes behind it, I realized that I might have displayed stronger symptoms once I reached the age of 19. I used to be ok in school and for some reason, after 19 (23 now) I realized that I couldn’t concentrate in class, graduated with a horrible GPA, haven’t finished a book completely in years, take a long time to get my work done due to easily distracted, and many many more symptoms. Is it possible for ADHD to appear late? Or is this some different issue",0 "Wow, what a first post to make on this sub. So for context, I (23m) was diagnosed with ADHD when I was around 10, resulting in a physician prescribing me Concerta and Clonidine. I've seen people bring up Concerta a few times on this sub, but not once have I seen anyone bring up Clonidine. Well, I have a love-hate relationship with this thing. So Clonidine is a medication that I take about an hour before bed. To save the trouble of explaining what it does (and honestly, because I am nowhere near smart enough to explain everything about it), I'll link a [source](https://medlineplus.gov/druginfo/meds/a682243.html) here so you can read what you want/can about it. Basically, I think it was prescribed to me to help with sleep, and it does its job. I don't remember all that well, but I think I was brought there because I wasn't sleeping well and my parents were worried something was up. I'm pretty sure other behavior attributed to getting me checked out, but again, I don't know for sure, nor do I remember. However, I honestly think I may have become chemically dependent on this medication. I take this medication every night because when I don't, I feel like I go through a state of withdrawal (or rather, what I assume a withdrawal would feel like). At first, I thought this was just sleep deprivation, as when I don't take it, I just don't sleep. However, one day I googled ""What happens if you stop taking clonidine,"" and [this lovely article](https://www.goodrx.com/healthcare-access/medication-education/10-medications-its-dangerous-to-stop-abruptly) was the first thing I saw. Now, I don't know how valid of a source this website is, as it has this ""we need content"" vibe. But, the search also highlighted information from the first source I linked, which is published by the government. So it seems my suspicions were correct. I am aware the second source is talking about Catapres Clonidine (the stuff used to treat High Blood Pressure) over Kapvay Clonidine (the stuff prescribed for ADHD), but it is still Clonidine, so I would assume the side-effects would be the same. Because this more or less just confirmed that my body has become reliant on this medication, I want off of it so I don't have to face these side effects whenever I can't take it for whatever reason. At the same time, however, I fear I won't sleep at all without it. I also want medication for my ADHD as I am no longer on Concerta, and I'm just on Clonidine. I tried Vyvanse for a while, but I just couldn't handle how I felt on that medication. I'm just conflicted on how to bring this up to my neurologist or even just how to cope with this situation. I'm just confused and sad, I guess. Any advice will definitely be heard. ​ ​ **TL;DR:** I was prescribed Clonidine when I was 10, still take it at 23 as it is what makes me sleep, but due to what happens to me when I suddenly stop taking it, I'm conflicted about wanting to get off of it and so I have no idea how to handle the situation.",0 "I feel like I’m at the worst possible point in my life. I failed most of first year papers. Worked my butt off and i got into the course I wanted !!! it took me four years but I got there in the end. Fast forward to a terrible year - me not asking for help when I should have - and thinking I could manage when I most definitely could not. Now I’m here about to fail my degree I paid so much for and I just have no idea what I’m doing to do now :( I just feel so embarrassed and ashamed. I let my amazing supervisor down. I already feel like I’m so behind in every other aspect of my life. Uni was the only thing keeping me going. Please just tell me I’ll be okay :(",0 "Throughout my life... I've always been ignored, avoided, talked over and interrupted by people and ""friends"". Lately, I have come to a realisation that it is part of my trauma because it just made me feel so alone. I'm typing this out here now because I now know why I'm so clingy to the people I love and to the people I am close to, I try not to be but I feel like I always need attention from them because if they don't reply or spend time with me that they are avoiding me or ignoring me, it makes me scared. Mostly because I lost a recent friend, she was ignoring and avoiding me for months before she finally told me that she doesn't find me that interesting and that I'm boring and negative... Right now, though, my boyfriend is seemingly distant from me and it makes me feel scared. Is he avoiding me? Ignoring me? Is he thinking about breaking up? Does he not love me anymore? Am I boring to him? Do I have too many problems for him to handle? All these questions are keeping me up tonight and it is 2:30AM when I post this. Does anyone else feel this way? Should I give him some space or talk to him about what I'm feeling? ... What if he is seeing someone else? I just... being emotional makes me think irrationally. I just needed to vent this out because none of my friends are available at this time to help me out.",3 "POV: me at my doctor’s office 👨‍⚕️ Me: “So I’ve actually been drinking Red Bull in the morning and taking an adderall ir at lunch instead of twice a day 😌” Doc: “that is very unhealthy” Me: “yeah, but then I don’t need to take adderall twice” Doc: “G… you have ADHD, I’ve been doing this for 20 years. I give you permission to take your medication 💊 “ Me: “thanks 🥺🙂”",0 "Treated as other thus I became the ""other"". Not someone who assimilated to society like is so noticeable with the aforementioned NT's as so commonly argued about here. Labeled with Aspergers at 7 to which I'd moved away from my hometown to avoid the push to prescribe me Ritalin. Going from a small town to slowly progress into a suburban environment. Where fitting in meant brand name clothing, nice cars, and the ideal family home. Basically the ideal American family. From being raised in a rather financially stressed home and living in a place where people like myself were the outsider. Psychologically speaking, it seems it exacerbated the issue of finding my place socially. Not in how to find my group as comes with the social pressures of life but rather delaying the process of social learning. Not only was I sectioned off into the classes for the learning disabled, I was ostracized for things that (at the given time) laid outside of my ultimate control. Given the modern philosophy, it's not so much who you are as an individual, it's what you have. Programing me with years of doubt about my percieved inadequacies and shortcomings on the outside. How is one to navigate such a society predicated on a kind of dog eat dog mentality? I say this because it took years of mental pain and a near-death experience to finally find my voice. My hope is to enlighten some on how to discover their own so that we can stand up to things like organizations that preach a helping ideology when they're only focused on a kind of eradication. Something I really hope to stand up against. Sooner the better I say. ASD, Autism, and Aspergers is nothing to remove or fix. It's something to be cherished and cultivated. My hope is that, through what I'd learned that I can also play a part in changing the modern status quo. Of course when growing up I was seen as strange, weird, or outside of the normal conformity I see so prevalent today. I genuinely loved aviation but coupled with the lack of knowledge with ho people operated and the angst that came from financial insecurity, it made me bend over backwards to the extent that I'd never speak up vocally but rather keep silent and let them bash me down. It was all I had to keep pushing forward. To do something I loved in life that gave me both meaning and financial security to which couldn't be found. With that ideal came the prospect of finding my place socially which still never occurred. Everyone I'd work around in the aviation industry would be in a kind of catatonic state about the work and have zero interest in it what so ever. Seeing people with such a lack of passion in life scared me to death. In fear I'd end up the same, in a kind of 1000 yard stare type PTSD of which did occur around 2017. The modern dating world seemed horrendously toxic to me. All out for the sake of hooking up rather than finding someone to cherish and appreciate. Someone who's got similarities to yourself but completes you as they say. The modern world as I see it now has forced people into playing the facade of being happy with a partner when in reality, behind closed doors, they're further from their true selves than when they were alone. I fully understand the sexual strain this world puts people under. Objectification on one side and capitalizing on instincts on another. The objective nature of our human lives has in a sense distracted from the real beauty of this life. Ignoring the painful yet beautiful human story and placing a facade of perfection on the outside as to not draw attention to the fact everyone is in pain, flawed, and perfect. I say pain because I saw it in the faces of many when I'd suddenly found my social structure. Woman with a look on their face as if to be staring at life's labyrinth and men only going to other men to brag about how many partners they've had in their past. It surprised me when I saw sparkles in the eyes of people when I became curious about the seeming inhumane nature of the modern dating world. Showing my disdain for the level of deception people have through hiding their ulterior motives. A lot of the separation between myself and the world stemmed from something I'd criticize behind closed doors but never really voice until recently. Because many have condoned it's effects on us as normal or trivial. Being for the better and not for the worst in any regard. I am talking about what the digital age has done to us. Not demonizing all of it's aspects but social media and how we communicate as humans has definitely been altered. Going from times when jobs could be attained by face to face conversations to a time when the judgment of you occurs behind your back via a resume. Kind of the dilemma I find myself in currently. The same is true with the modern social structure. In blindly trusting people that portrayed my friend, I was easily led astray by not realizing their internal malevolence that could manifest the moment I had something they wanted themselves. Something I'd only discovered after that aforementioned near-death experience the illusory feeling of self-love. Little did I know they had a knife to my back while they offered their hand as a friend. Social media has put people in boxes to which people can compare themselves to others and not focus on any true growth. Only focusing on their negative attributes rather than seeing how far one has come. Sure, environmentally speaking, I've remained the same. But the feeling of oneness with myself is magnitudes better than it use to be. From a point of feeling lost to having found myself. In understanding every which way this world had led me astray and left me feeling lesser than others. Fear being the biggest problem in these times where, for the most part, painful conversations are done through text to avoid any real human contact. Devoid of any emotion or facial expressions. There is indeed a lot that lays in the unsaid but social media has put us in comfortable protective boxes. In reality, it's our fear of being vulnerable. After that near-death experience and having found that so allusive self-love, I lost all fear of being vulnerable. In that simple complete lack of fear I learned just how fragile the social structure had become. To the point people need zero regard for context and simply resort to gossip and judgment. It's not pretty, it's not painless, but it calluses you to not hide anymore. Being the real you is all that you can do and standing your ground is something to be learned over time. Knowing you need nobody but yourself is key. I am a friendly and personable individual but I will not turn my cheek when given a double standard. I use to condone that phrase as my middle name in the past. Standard that were given to me but not to others. As per example, having a manager berate me for simply drinking a cup of coffee in a hallway. Condoning it as unprofessional when many of the executives would carry their own. He even went so far as to threaten cutting my hours, which of course, he did. Or like the time I had landed my first job working around aircraft. Spending time that I had free looking at all the parts and inner workings as before, I'd only seen them on LCD screens. Co-workers going behind my back to tell my manager that it was creepy to them? If I was 50% of who I am now in those moments, I'd have had no problem calling them out on their hypocrisy. Because the modern work life culture is absent of all drive and passion and only a means to an end for many. The biggest change I'd like to see is teaching people about how to best navigate this rather seemingly complex world to better fit their personal needs, desires, and drives. Rather than to go so blindly into this life as it felt I'd done. The world is quite simple for me to talk about now, only wishing I'd known what I do now before my past became a point of judgment to judge my character rather than to ask why any of it occurred in the first place. It's not so easy for people that have been raised in a kind of comfort to understand just what existential discomfort does to someone. Wanting only to live a simple life that's divinely human that I can see a change I'd made. To which hopefully transfers into others seeing the changes in their own life. I know the labyrinth of life like the back of my hand now. I love talking to others about their own experiences. The truth is what I know they don't want you to know. With people like us we can change this seemingly stressful life into something brighter for the future. Where people are cultivated for their different attributes and not ostracized because we're simply what, different? Weird? I hope you all have a wonderful day. Just for the moment, think about something the brings you a moment of bliss or joy and do it. I'm going to have a beer and think some more. There's a lot more to this life than what may be seen.",3 "Hi All Ive noticed that when my other health problems (yeah, I drew the short straw a little) flare up it seems to trigger a massive doubt OCD episode every time. Like the inflammation or whatever is messing with my brain?",1 "I struggle with C-PTSD as my mom was extremely narcissistic and abusive. I also have ASD Last night I stayed up reading forums about NPD to try and understand why I deserved to be abused. Seems like it doesn't matter much, because I'm here thinking my ASD is the reason my mom abused me. I feel like an alien and I feel like everybody looks at me as some hypersensitive idiot. It's hard reaching out for help, I worry about the stigma behind autism. People either talk to me like I am stupid or like they expect some complicated equation to pop out of my mouth. I feel like an alien. I'd give anything to just feel normal. I covered my windows up with multiple layers of sheets, finally acknowledging how painful my eyes feel when I see light. I felt so much better than I ever have. Yet, here I am feeling hopeless and ready to die",3 "Almost 40 years old and on a whim decided to get homocysteine and mthfr gene testing... all the POS doctors I had never even guided me to this pathway...it’s sad how broken and crappy medicine is that one has to self search and research stuff on their own for years Without any guidance from doctors... anyways, thought it might be some help to you guys to check for this. Also check histamine levels. There’s a link with over or undermethylation. Any input is also appreciated",3 "Hello! So I have been diagnosed with OCD and am now taking some meds that have really been helping! I am so thankful. I was wondering if anyone here obsesses over having the same disorder that I do. I obsess wether I have autism or not. I have periods of time where I’ve convinced myself I’m fine and not to think about it. But before I even knew what autism was when I was a kid, I wondered if everyone but me knew I was different. I wondered if I wasn’t neurotypical and I was not aware because everyone was treating me extra gentle and “special”. I still obsess over this from time to time, especially if I ever consume cannabis. I don’t consume it often anymore, but whenever I do, I start obsessing over the details of myself and everyone’s interactions with me. I really do mean obsess. This is essentially the same type of obsession I have with if I have been molested in my past or not. I don’t have any specific memory of being molested as a child, but I will obsess over memories and feelings in my body, trying to remember or feel if I was molested and I just don’t remember it. My body aches when I’m high and I wonder if it’s my body remembering what my mind blocks out. Both obsessions take quite a bit of my energy very often. I haven’t consumed cannabis in almost 4 months, other than Delta 8 the past couple of weeks, which is a very watered down version of thc, that has almost no psychoactive properties. But I do notice a rise in these obsessions when I partake in cannabis, even the Delta 8. However, I obsess without any consumption as well. If anyone has any relation to this experience, or advice from your own, it would be so appreciated. Love to all of you! ♥️✨ Edit: I’d like to note that I feel I have two different versions of myself here. The version that genuinely doesn’t judge myself or others no matter the disorder or circumstance they live in. And the version that obsesses over if I am being judged for potentially having these conditions. It’s like an irrational fear. Logically I deeply think there is no basis in judging another or myself for having any type of condition or disorder. But the OCD possibly overrides this decision of mine to obsess over if I am judge worthy for being different. And I might not even be that different from most people. A lot of people struggle with different issues. And I’m just one of them. Anyway, it’s strange. My main question at the end of this is: how do I manage all of these thoughts and obsessions? So that I don’t spiral into fear mode? I’d like to lessen that experience.",1 " I have a lot of past hurt from people I love like my sisters who are my life. I live for them and it’s sad they bully me to the point I can’t think of myself in a positive way. Parents have high expectations that have crushed me I never feel like I am enough for them. Don’t have many friends because I have traveled all my life first time I went over seas I was 5yr even at that age I basically left everyone I loved other then my family. I would meet a friend get close then we would travel again and I would never see them again and that’s the pattern of my life . I have been depressed for 4 years and have had persistent thoughts of suicide for 2 years. I’m not “smart” but I’m homeschooled and my mom is a terrible teacher and doesn’t know what to do with me because I’m VERY dyslexic so I can’t learn shit and you will probably notice I have really bad grammar. So I would give my 100% for my parents to call me lazy. There are so so many thing I’m supposed to do but I don’t want to do anything I just want to stop hurting. Recently it has been so bad I feel like the only way to distract my mind is a razor blade. The world is so overwhelming so many things I “have too do” and I can’t. I can’t face my parents again and have them tell me how I should feel and how shellfish I am when I stopped living for myself a long time ago. I’m 14M and I can’t go a minute without wishing I wasn’t born. I haves never actually attempted but I have gotten really close. I don’t want to die but this hurts to much.",2 "So I have recently stumbled upon this sub and have been lurking for a little while. I have not been officially diagnosed, but as far as I am aware I am a textbook case of aspergers (the only reason I don’t want to get tested is because I live at home and mental health is a sore subject with my parents, they’ve been getting better but it’s an uphill climb). One thing I’m curious about is how I cannot bring myself to listen to new music. I love music, I am a music ed major in college right now and want to be a music teacher, but no matter how hard I try listening to new music scares me. I just keep coming back to my comfort artists and listen to them over and over again. Has anyone here dealt with this before? And does anyone have any strategies to get around this mental block? If anyone has anything helpful to say on this matter, I would greatly appreciate it",3 "It keeps happening. I know it’s real, I pay for it every single day. But today I’m pissed off. I got an iPad recently. Decided to try my hand at illustration. I knew ProCreate is a great tool. I knew it’s very, very highly regarded. I just wasn’t sure if it was subscription-based. So I obviously checked with a quick google search, right? Nope. I just went ahead and paid for a year-long subscription to Paper Pro. For the same fucking price as a lifetime purchase of ProCreate. I hate this so much ugh.",0 "Hello all. I'm a 17M sorta at his wit's end right now. This is insanely long, btw, so thanks if you read it and if not have a nice day regardless. Yesterday I went to the mall with my family and got partially erect without a clearly discernible cause (either I saw an attractive woman, got mildly turned on by searching through women's clothes for my mom, or I'm denying that it was because of a kid. It'll make more sense as I go on). As we walked around I was numb in my head, just absently walking without speaking, except for a thought every time a really tiny kid passed by. It wasn't really an issue for kids of any other age/size and was only when they were right next to me, but for the kids whose heads lined up with my groin, I kept having the thought of the two being firmly pressed together. I don't really know how to describe it/maybe just don't want to think about it enough to put into words. It was sorta vague but also like the only noticeable thought that crossed in my head since everything was blank. I tried resisting it a bit, but it lingered. The only time it got a bit of respite was when we went into a store and I had to talk to someone. We left the mall eventually, and I didn't do anything, but I'm worried that if we'd stayed for a lot longer then I would've snapped and done something horrible. My mind is spiraling between this, which is probably the worst it's ever been for me and feels like irrefutable proof that I'm a pedophile, and the possibility that I have POCD, which I found out exists last night. I sorta have reasoning to point in either direction. **Things that could point to me having OCD (especially POCD)** 1.) Starting last year as I entered my first serious relationship, I immediately started having intrusive thoughts and anxieties that I would cheat on my then gf. It seemed possible to me bc her ex before me was abusive and I had/have a long history of porn addiction that I didn't notice or try to stop until three months into the relationship. I can recall at least two times where I broke down crying over the fear of cheating and hurting her. During quarantine, this anxiety escalated to feeling attracted (?) towards almost any woman I saw in public. 2.) For a few periods of our relationship I had an intense anxiety that my ex would become pregnant even though she was on birth control. It was really illogical and probably came it part from the fact that on a few occasions we had sex when I didn't really want to, but I know I was anxious enough to bother her. 3.) After we broke up (I came clean about those first three months of using porn/fantasizing and she ended it with good reason) I then became extremely anxious that I could rape/be sexually violent against someone. It started when I imagined what was okay to do when resuscitating someone who was unconscious and just got worse and worse from there. It didn't go away much until late 2020. 4.) About 9 months ago is when my fear of pedophilia began. I was watching videos and saw some kid performing. I don't entirely remember the reaction I had, but I know it was a lot less severe than anything I've felt in the recent months. But I got scared and ended up masturbating to a sexual fantasy with adults. Then it kept going. And it kept going. Every time I had a thought I swatted it away as fast as I could. For the majority of these 9 months I've resisted them by replacing them with a normal sexual situation with adults in my head. It might be possible that after months of doing that + responding to the stress and fear by relapsing in my porn addiction, I ended up Pavlov'ing myself into associating these fears with my actual sexuality and now have countless false positives? * For the majority of these nine months I've largely avoided going outside. Doing chores that require me to go outside, like taking out the trash or doing laundry, make me afraid because I know there will be kids in my neighborhood playing and I'm afraid I'll be attracted to them. * Every time I've pushed myself to actively imagine a sexual scenario with a kid of my own free will, I just can't. The closest I got was last night after a heavy stress-induced relapse and 5+ orgasms to porn. I was able to conjure the image in my head but I just couldn't do it. * Last week I forced myself to go to my uncle's place with my family. One of his daughters is young and, despite having not seen her for years, showed up a lot in the intrusive thoughts for a few weeks back in October. The entire car ride over there the thoughts were there and it felt like I was beyond a shadow of a doubt a pedophile. Even while we were there and she was kind of in the background the thoughts came. But when she was actively in the room and around me, I felt normal. No thoughts, no desire, even though internally I was expecting there to be and was ready to fight them off. The thoughts kinda returned when she was sitting in my periphery, but later when she passed directly by me, nothing. * I've been suicidal on several occasions because of these thoughts. 5.) I've also had intermittent intrusive thoughts regarding bestiality, but I mostly ignore them and they go away almost entirely. Idk why I was able to ignore them, but they started a few months after the pedophilia thoughts and I already had the feeling that if I just didn't engage with them then they would go away. 6.) Starting around November I started having thoughts that I think fall under Harm-OCD? They felt sorta like a branch off the fears of rape. I got intrusive thoughts about fighting/attacking other people despite the fact that I've never been violent in the life and would be described by most as the exact opposite. A lot of the intrusive thoughts revolved around my ex and fighting her, and in the fear I resisted and ended up turning them into thoughts about me getting beaten up because, idk, it was okay if I was the one getting hurt? Usually by her, but flexible with whoever I was around when I had the intrusive thought. Most of the time this worked, but sometimes I couldn't keep it up and the base harm thoughts returned, and they're one of the things that pushed me to seek counseling around January. But most of what I've gone through in counseling is just the porn addiction (which has gotten much worse in the past few months, probably from the stress of all this) and a lot of mental fatigue, almost no mention of the specifics of the intrusive thoughts. (Smaller things?) 7.) I feel a strong need to monitor the things I say and choose my words properly to make the most of any interaction. I'm often told I say thank you way more than I need to. I often delete or edit messages I've sent to convey a better tone. 8.) Apparently when I was really young I walked on my tip toes a lot because I thought the floor was dirty, to the point that I needed ankle braces to improve my muscular growth. **Things that point to me being a pedophile** 1.) I have a history of sexual deviance * When I was really young I had vague sexual thoughts about manatees and Bowser? Those never carried on into my older years but yeah. * For several years I tried on my mom's clothes in secret. I'm pretty sure it was a sexual thrill. This eventually escalated to me stealing women's clothes from laundry rooms and secretly wearing them. Mostly undergarments. I can recall one occasion that I relieved myself in a pair of sweatpants and *returned* them to the dryer I'd stolen them from. I'm disgusted by it now, but I did it. I haven't stolen clothes and worn them for several years, but yeah. * In one period of my porn addiction I viewed a lot of ""candid photos/videos"" of women (really just nonconsensual and insanely creepy stuff like upskirts and even following women around in public places). On a few occasions I tried to capture my own. Once again something I'm disgusted by from my younger self, but I did it. * The majority of my porn addiction has revolved around the idea of being/switching bodies with a woman. For a long time I frequented (and in my recent relapses, unfortunately return to) forums that can take this from a unique and promiscuous situation to something gross, nonconsensual, and edging into really creepy areas. Some of those stories involve kids getting moved into adult women's bodies. Sure, the attraction is towards the woman's body, but that definitely still doesn't feel right. I once got so into the bodyswapping forums that I did a roleplay scenario with someone involving pornstars/models, but now I realize that they had no idea they were doing it with someone under 18 and that could've been absolutely terrible for them. * Part of this\^ was me imagining myself switching bodies and having sexual encounters with a lot of girls/women I know in real life, particularly around my school. These fantasies could get really dark at certain places and on a few occasions involved me being raped as a woman (terrible, I know). This also meant that I stalked their social media profiles and saved pictures of them, sometimes even writing captions like the ones in the forums above. Most of them I kept to myself, but a few I posted. Those, like a lot of the things I downloaded/took, are gone/deleted and have been for a while ever since I tried to quit. Most of the fantasies involved girls my age and above, but one fantasy was with a freshman girl when I was a junior, and it's one of two that involved the aforementioned me being raped. * I spent 3+ years being obsessed with one girl. More romantically than sexually, but I imagined convoluted scenarios of us being in love, to the point that they evolved into wild fantastic stories of us being heroes and were insanely hard for me to move on from. * \*The majority of these are things I don't do anymore, and all of them are things I'm trying to *stop* doing. I've been trying to quit porn and these horrible fantasies about real people for a long time at this point, but it's something that ingrained in me over years of no one noticing and trying to stop it. 2.) It feels like I'm just in denial. Something that's been on my mind over the past few weeks is how ""convenient"" it is that I'm always able to find some rational explanation for whatever intrusive thought is happening. I'm a highly introspective person and always have been, to the point of being noted for my ""emotional intelligence"" by my teachers and counselors, but at a certain point it moves from me refuting some lie my brain spits at me to just being me not accepting something I already know deep down is true. **Things I'm not sure about** 1.) In the past few months I've tried to get tested for autism. A lot of things felt right about it and I related to a lot of things discussed/posted about by autistic people. My psychiatrist said that while some things were suspicious, I didn't have enough social deficits to even get screened. Now I'm trying to get tested for OCD because of, well, all of this. 2.) I wonder if I'm actually trans and if that could explain a good amount of the sexual deviations. Not the fact that I actually did a lot of gross stuff, there are some other issues there, but the underlying things behind it. I can recall a few things from my youth before I even explored sexuality that could point to it, namely me writing a story where I turned into a girl and dated my then best friend. But then again, it could just be intense autogynephilia and lead me right back to the sexual deviation explanation. 3.) Sometimes I have moments where the intrusive pedophilic thoughts go away and I feel okay. I put myself in a situation where I face the anxiety, and things turn out okay, like last week. But other times I have situations where I once again put myself in a position that makes me anxious (like yesterday) and it turns out terribly (like yesterday). It feels like if it really were just fear, then it would be consistent when I faced it. 4.) Yesterday was about 8 days since my previous cluster of relapses, which, like last night's, were more than just one. The chaser effect has hit me hard lately and I end up masturbating/orgasming 5+ times in one or two days, and I don't know what kind of damage that does to my overall sexuality in the short term. 5.) Over the past few weeks my head has been really weird, more than it always is. There was a period where I got really anxious about an intrusive thought that I'd best sum up as being something comparable to eugenics. Then there was a week+ where I got really concerned that I was racist (despite never demonstrating anything indicative of that in the past). Following that was fear that I'm sadistic because, after news of a local shooting, I have intrusive thoughts sympathizing with the murderer and my mind was blank and my face almost smiled? I wasn't actually smiling at all and didn't feel the desire to, but it felt like my facial muscles were moving independently from my mind. Finally this past week has been my last week of high school, and on top of all these thoughts that are getting worse I've been staying up a bit late. On Wednesday my friend had an anxiety attack and I stayed up past midnight in case he needed me. On Saturday my friend's girlfriend cut herself and I was with him over the phone for a few hours trying to help. It also got me anxious over the possibility of my ex cutting herself after our relationship, since when I came clean about what I'd done in the first three months of our relationship (mostly continuing to fantasize about being some of the other girls in our school, which was cheating by the terms of our relationship, just not the kind of ""normal"" cheating i'd been anxious about all that time) she literally told me that she never thought she'd feel like ""this"" again. ""This"" meant how she'd felt when she was with her abusive ex before me, and in that time I know she did self-harm. Also yesterday my friend who'd had the anxiety attack changed his username to ""goodbye"", deleted his pfp and posts, and made one kinda ominous post about 2020-2021 (he's fine, turns out he's hyping up some project he's working on, but I got really worried about him). * This part especially is a rant but maybe it gives context for my mental state as of recent. 6.) I recognize that there's a possibility that all the things about my sexual deviance can be true about me but my pedophilia still isn't, but it seems pretty damning that me being a pedophile is possible when you consider all of this. I have also let this get worse and worse for 9+ months, and I know that when it was first beginning there was nothing close to what I experienced yesterday. At this point I'm desensitized to the same level of intrusive thought that got me started down this path in the first place. I know that there's little point to this because you all can't diagnose me with anything, and reassurance posts aren't really loved around here. I'm sure most of the advice will be to talk with a psychiatrist/therapist, which I'm going to do but won't be able to for another two weeks because of how rarely appointments are available with my provider. I just don't really know anymore and I'm hoping any of you can have some sort of insight into this entire situation.",1 "There's always a part (or more) of my body that's hurting. I'm fairly sure it's psychosomatic. It's not debilatating, but it sucks tbh. Anybody in the same boat?",3 "I posted before about my troubles and I try so hard not to get upset about them but yet I can't escape them, I really wish I never existed like I don't want to die but I don't want to be in my own body... Everyday I look in the mirror with me just in my underwear and look at how ugly I am and it never ends .... I have 2 friends who mean so much to me but I haven't really hung out with them in a while because my depression kicks in so much. I don't want to suffer anymore, I don't know what else to do 😭",2 "So I’ve got appointments tomorrow with my “team” of VA doctors and I am wondering when I am going to let them see my true self. What they see is a “pleasant 43 y/o male” (as the notes say) and they aren’t wrong. That is the persona I give to them. Yes sir, no ma’am I’m fine, wake up pain is an 8 but I get through the day...” blah blah blah. Loose, comfortable, pleasant. However, what I want to say and do are so contradictory to this I really wonder what would happen. What would happen if I took off this mask and you saw how I really feel? The physical and mental exhaustion from assessing every face I see as a threat. Every corner I turn, piece of road debris I encounter, every shitbag driver is a target that is analyzed, filed and appropriately countered. All day, everyday. Throw in the constant pain that apparently is just my brain having a malfunctioning feedback loop. Wake up, push through the day, collapse at the end, rinse and repeat. When will I be able to say to a doctor with enough authority that something will actually change? How long is enough? PMA only gets me in and out of bed. It’s not a solution. Yet, I know that I’ll leave the VA tomorrow with no answers, no viable solutions, just a team of doctors that think they’ve got me all figured out. Sigh. I guess we’ll see. (First ever reddit post. More to follow).",3 "Sometimes when my thoughts are racing so bad and I can’t focus on anything like if my adhds meds have woren off , the feeling of my brain feeling disorganized makes me super anxious and I feel like I’m on the edge of a panic attack , just wonder is anyone else gets that ( I have adhd and ocd and a panic attack disorder ) It’s funny how I have ocd and adhd I’m so unorganized but organized at the same time lol I currently take Zoloft, buspar and concerta",0 "Every so often I see someone posting a terrible experience with a psychologist not believing them and dismissing Adhd on their first appointment or after only a few. I was diagnosed by a neurologist and thought that this was the norm. I honestly believe that if your psychologist dismisses Adhd you should go see a neurologist. Or better yet, if you think it's Adhd, visit a neurologist first! I may be on the wrong here and please let me know if that's the case but Adhd is a complex condition that has to do with the functioning of our brains and it seems to me that psicologists aren't the right Doctor to go to",0 "So idk if this is the right place but idk where else to put it. Tw: SA, Talking with my therapist about my relationship to my wife. He asked about our physical relationship and how would I describe it. Quite often I'm not open to more than a quick peck when the wife is wanting anything more. So generally speaking she know if she holds me down and keeps asking eventually ill say yes just to get her to stop. Therapist then tells me that's SA and if she's successful it's rape and idk what to do with that information. To my mind that's a normal sexual encounter when I'm involved. He's telling me a majority of the sex I've ever had has been rape. And it's blowing my mind. Idk really what I'm asking or thinking or feeling. But trying to process that the intrusive thoughts and flashbacks are coming back and I just needed somewhere to vent things out a bit. Any feedback or advice is appreciated!",3 " My therapist thinks I have PTSD and I was diagnosed depression by my doctor. So I don’t know, I open up more to my therapist than my doctor. I have flashbacks of my bad childhood and severe anxiety even when interacting virtually, unwanted thoughts; disturbing thoughts, not wanting to hang with even close friends and just not interested. Trembling as well. I am depressed but I feel so conflicted when a person says to me: “Why do you LOOK so depressed?”. And that person already knows I am depressed yet continues to ask me for some reason, they asked me in hallway at school where a lot of people could hear. I could be making it a big deal but it is a big deal for me. I don’t know what to say when they ask me that, they also tell me I received bad genes, I play it off cool and laugh. I feel more hurt because I’m born from my parents, it’s like theyre insulting my parents. They also smacked me on head really hard while walking in school. I instinctively hit them back and the person fell, I remember being really upset and just unwanted thoughts pouring in my head. I felt dizzy and sick later. I play it calm and cool but internally I’m just having disturbing thoughts like wanting to do this and that to the person, I feel ecstatic when thinking like that and then I feel so guilty and sad because even if they insult, they still have their life and it’s theirs. I sometimes end up thinking about it and end up crying for a few minutes before stopping and just staring off somewhere, I stop crying as if I never cried and enjoy my day. I also think it’s because of my eye bag that makes me look depressed, it’s just the “why do you look depressed” makes me furious. I didn’t tell the school because I believe it’s just a small deal in general and I, me, being dramatic. Sometimes people tell me things will get better and me being me, I get my hopes up and believe it will but it doesn’t no matter the number of people that told me it will, no matter how much the pastor prayed I will. After time I grew sick of hearing that it’ll get better, I felt sad and then angry. I even left behind the desperate young me who wanted affection and someone by my side, it was unintentional. I was so stressed and felt hopeless. I decided to join Reddit and share my thoughts. Feel free to share your experiences below and virtual hugs needed at this moment, a virtual hug is enough.",2 "Confused Hi, I’m a NT girl dating a guy with high functioning autism (both mid 20’s). We’ve had some difficulties, and after a period of no contact he reached out again to meet. What confuses me a lot is that he rarely initiates any contact. During the week I almost never hear from him, but during the weekends he will send me some photos to share his activities. After reading a lot about aspergers I have some understanding that this might be a trait(?): Difficulty with Initiating contact. With all the NT guys I’ve ever dated, this was the most apparent sign that the interest was lost, and usually time to take the hint. Can someone offer some insight? I don’t really want to confront him about it before I tried educating myself. (I do want to emphasize that I absolutely realize that every person with aspergers are different, just interested in hearing how you guys deal with initiating contact). Kind regards, and sorry for potential typo’s. English is not my first language.",3 "Growing up, I was raised Christian. I was a queer, paranoid, neurodivergent kid, so the fear of going to hell constantly followed me around. I had many sleepless nights were I was simply terrified that if I didn't constantly apologize to God for doubting if he was real and being apart of the LGBTQ+ community, I would burn in hell. I don't think there was a single church service where I didn't burst into tears because of the guilt I felt. When I was 13-14, I was sexually assaulted by a 16-17 year old friend of mine. She emotionally manipulated me into thinking she was the only honest one around me, and that I could only trust her. She touched me on my thighs, kissed me, held my waist, grabbed my face, used all of the physical touch she could to reassure me that she was the truthful one. And while I was uncomfy with it, she just laughed off my worries and said that ""it was fine."" I think she might've done something even worse because of the nightmares I keep having, but I don't want to blame anyone for something they didn't do. Nonetheless, I have barely cracked the surface of what I do remember, and I don't feel comfortable sharing all of it. These two traumatic things have lead to me having nightmares, dissossciating when I get touched, hear certain songs, having full on panic attacks when people try to hug me or hold my hand, not being able to focus sometimes cause my thoughts are so full, and even attempting suicide because of how painful it all is. When I talked about it with my therapist today, she said that I almost definitely have PTSD. However, while some of me is relieved that I actually have a name to put on what I'm going through, the rest of me feels as though I don't have enough trauma to have PTSD. I wasn't raped (at least, not that I can remember), and while I was sexually assaulted, I can't seem to tell myself that sexual assault is enough to be a cause by itself. I can believe it when other survivors of assault have PTSD, but I feel like my trauma isnt as bad as other people's. With the religious trauma, I feel as though it's less trauma and more of me just being dramatic. Can anyone else relate to this experience?",3 This like just happened i was doing pretty well and had to sit down due to being lightheaded and a sudden feeling of extreme nausea and almost a extreme anxiousness could this possibly have been a flashback i have a hard time recommended my flashbacks,3 "So I'm part of a pokemon group in my local area. The last time I met up with them was almost a month ago now and during it I had a massive break down and ptsd trigger which led me to joining this sub. I haven't met up with anyone since and I'm really nervous... I just needed to get this off my chest. Edit: spelling mistake.",3 "Especially when the people who enjoy watching those shows can't accept us in real life (or even deny/ignore our autism). For them it's just entertainment, something you turn on for one hour every day and then it's over. For us it's being mocked, ignored, or mistreated in other ways for talking too much or over explaining subjects we're interested in. What's your experience with these types of situations?",3 "I've always had ocd nearly my entire life but just now i know what to call it. As of recently i had barely anything to worry about but i suddendly feel a massive fear of death, i thought i had erased the fear of death from my mind but as of now it feels like it got forced onto me. sometimes it just goes ""boo"" and i feel numb for around 5 seconds, my vision gets blurry and i can barely walk. I'll look for help whenever i can but as of now it's not possible, any easy tips?",1 "Hello! My loved one is currently undergoing Cognitive Processing Therapy and they're using something called ay PCL-5 to asses the amount of PTSD symptoms they're experiencing and document it as it decreases over time. As I'm not in sessions with them, I'd love to hear an explanation of what the PCL-5 is (everything that turned up on Google was totally inaccessible to the everyman; it was mostly studies and research articles), maybe even how it was created and any useful info for supporting a loved one with PTSD. Thank you all!",3 "So, for some reason my OCD likes to over analyze what other people say. For example, if someone makes a joke that relates to a theme of my OCD…my mind immediately tries to tell me they’re a bad person and then I obsess over it because I know they aren’t and I’m overthinking.",1 "I was in my 30s when I first made the realization that I had executive function problems. Looking back on my childhood it's so evident now, but being told I was lazy and emotional growing up had convinced me I was. My wife and I are veterans and get our healthcare through the VA. We luckily have a local VA clinic in our community, so we don't have to drive to KC for every appointment. Being children of the 70s, we grew up and developed our mental health issues and didn't get diagnosed or treated. So it took until our mid 30s before we did anything about it. I approached my VA therapist about possible executive function issues, maybe adhd, maybe emotional issues. It was all blown off. She didn't like labels and my masking was good enough to make her think I was fine. So I got zoloft and that was it. I didn't think to talk to my psychiatrist about it, so I let it go. But things got worse.  This was 6 or 8 years ago, I'm now almost 45. In that time I have educated myself about attention and mood disorders, but you can only do so much with executive dysfunction and little to no professional help. I would let it go, but things would get bad, financially or relationship wise. So I would try to get help. I was passed between 4 or 5 different psychiatrists in this time, all of which were less than helpful. I haven't had a therapist in a couple years. I finally wrote a message to the mental help department itself pleading for help. I thought I had it, but it's clear the mental health department of the kcva is understaffed and at least partially incompetent (I say partially because my wife has gotten pretty good care with her mental health.) I have decided to go outside the VA, but my finances are horrible, thanks in large part to my untreated whatever I have. I don't know where to go that's cheap enough but actually will help me.",0 "So I’ve had what I thought is POCD for some time now. I do a lot of avoidance and other compulsions but it’s never been as bad as it is right now. I’m currently switching medications so I don’t know if that’s it but recently I’ve felt like I’m genuinely attracted to kids. What’s weird about it is that I can’t find an attractive feature about them like I would for my gf or another kid my age(17). I also don’t really think about it in a sexual way nor do I get any groinal responses. It just feels like I find them attractive just because they’re a kid, and moreover I’ll still get the feeling even if they’re ugly. Obviously this has caused me some anxiety but I’m more just curious as to what this is because I have never had thoughts like this in my entire life up until 5 months ago. TLDR: I feel like I’m actually attracted to kids but I can’t tell if it’s real or not.",1 "I’m good at my job, I usually never make mistakes.. but I feel like depression and anxiety are making it hard to concentrate and do my job to the best of my ability. My guests love me, I have so many clients that have turned into god friends. Usually I never make mistakes often or severe severe to warrant any kind of “punishment” or write ups, etc. But tonight was the perfect storm of me already having an off day and so many Karen’s. Did I fuck up? Sure a little. And I did and always do own up to that. But also I had the worst customers that were already looking to start something and probably get something for free. I haven’t messed up in awhile, but I also happen to be SUPER depressed and anxious lately which makes it 10x harder to be present when I’m at work. And now because of anxiety, I guarantee the next couple days I have off will be spent thinking about it over and over again. This year has been rough with a big breakup, new living situation, a first DUI and some family troubles. I’m sure I’m overthinking it a little and everyone will forget about it in a day or so, but I won’t. Depression and anxiety are bffs and feed off of eachother and I don’t know how to get out of this vicious circle.",2 "I don't want this to be a poor me comment, I just want to know I'm not alone. I am tired feeling alone. A little backstory. I have been recently diagnosed and struggling to come to terms with it (37f) I knew I was different and figured I had aspergers, but it seems I am having a harder time dealing with it now. I have mimicked all my life. I have done this for so long, I don't known who I am, just played the part hoping I am liked. Scared to do whatever because I tend to focus on the negative or I'm just not good enough How I say things, how people will take it, how nobody understands what I am saying, made fun of but not understanding why, I don't sugar coat, and told I am socially awkward. I so badly want a relationship with someone to love, or finding friends. I have come to the realization I sabotage myself, I am so scared to be me I either make stuff up, or just panic and ignore everything hoping it will fix itself (that doesn't go well). Or just freak out and my brain just goes fuzzy. I am ashamed of myself, the fact I don't really have an actual job, live with a family member and alone so much my social skills are getting a bit rusty. Am I alone in this? I read up on how people love being autistic (which is awesome they feel this way!) I am trying to get help but they are fighting me. I am tired and hoping for support from here a bit, a connection. Okay, I'm done rambling, thanks for taking the time to read!",3 "I’ve struggled with depression basically all my life, but despite that I still always got great grades. I was the top of my classes, even the top in my grade just last year. Though I never really had to try. I never studied or anything, I just did the work and got a good grade. But lately that’s changed. Is this what gifted kid burnout is? Because I’m doing horrible, and I’m at the point where I just don’t care anymore. I don’t care about my grades, I don’t care if I fail. I mean I do care because I hate it, but I don’t care enough to actually change it. I’m trying to do math homework right now and I just can’t. It’s 7 questions and I’ve looked at it for over an hour and only have less than half of the first question done. And I feel bad for my teachers because they still have hope in me and I’m just letting them down. I would do it for them. And I would do it for my mom. But my motivation is so low I can’t even do it for the sake of others. I feel selfish and lazy, but I just don’t have the energy anymore. There goes any chance of a good future I had I guess.",2 "Won’t get into detail, but does anybody put themselves through the same thing that traumatized them to try to numb the guilt and shame but end up feeling more guilty and more shameful? I haven’t even told my therapist or my friends because I’m such a piece of shit. I’ve been so proud of going five years without self harm but honestly this seems even worse and I know it’ll come back to bite me. Why do I have this compulsion to keep ruining my own life? Why has it always been my fault?",3 "TW: suicide, abuse Today is the 5 year anniversary (the irony of my username isn't lost on me but it's an artist reference lol) of my last suicide attempt. I ended up being scheduled to the psychiatric hospital my psychiatrist worked at. My parents were in the first session I had with him after I was admitted and brought *the* note I had written in my diary, but also a passage about an abusive relationship I was in. My parents bringing it up resulted in my dad having to hold me while I was sobbing and screaming because this had been the first time I had had it brought up with my parents, and the first time I remember explicitly telling anyone (I ended up being diagnosed with dissociative amnesia after this session because I've completely blacked out any other times I'd talked about it). I've been seeing a trauma psychologist for the past 6 months (I haven't been mentally well enough to work on trauma previously) and we're making some progress but if it goes too far in session I become almost catatonic and it's just so frustrating because I feel like I should be over it considering the abuse occured nearly a decade ago (this is something I *only* think about myself, I have a lot more sympathy and compassion for others and would never say this about anyone else). Anyways, my body / brain must have subconsciously known this day was coming because I've been getting majorly triggered re: abuse the past month-ish, waking up crying, having nightmares etc. It's just all completely messed up and I guess I just needed to vent because it's doing my head in today.",3 "Does any of you experience being touched the slightest as a trigger? I've had these periods of extreme discomfort when people touch me for many years. I've all along tried to adapt to the culture of hugging and other kinds of friendly touch like someone taking my hand or putting their hands on my shoulder. My husband is the only one who can still touch me without me wanting to scream because my nervous system reacts so violently to this. How is your experience with this trigger? How did you overcome. I'm starting to tell people close to me to keep a distance to my personal space and NOT touch me the slightest. I just need a break from trying to adjust to this culture. But do I need to, at any time in the future, to accept that people need hugs and so on? EDIT: Thanks to all who shared your experience on this. It's of course terrible to read that we struggle with such a basic thing. Your ways to handle the trigger inspires me, not only to do something about it, but accept along the way that I don't owe anyone hugs etc. It's a big deal to come to this conclusion for me. I have read all the comments, and I appreciate every one of them. Thanks for sharing and caring.",3 "One of my parents is being very supportive and working with my therapist about my ADHD, the other doesn’t think my therapist is qualified enough to give me that diagnosis and thinks that my therapist and parent are just trying to be my friends. I got diagnosed with ADHD in the last couple months and one of my parents has continuously said things like “well let’s fix your anxiety first”, “you should just focus more and be on your phone less”, “I would have taken you to a Dr a long time ago if I knew there was ‘something wrong (with you)’”. I have been dealing with this for months and it’s exhausting. I really wish that there was something I could do to help them understand that I’m not faking it and that it’s super hurtful to say stuff like “you don’t have it. I would have known”, whenever ADHD get brought up. Both of my parents are working with my therapist and I qualify for a 504 with my anxiety alone. I’ve talked to them about wanting to see an ADHD specialist if my parent doesn’t believe (my therapist, my other parent and) me. My parent wants me to go in and do a brain scan for an ADHD diagnosis and I don’t know if I’m comfortable with that :/ that parent just wants a physical (or visual) answer that shows absolutely, 100%, that I have ADHD instead of trying to understand and talk to me. Is there ANYTHING I can do to help my disapproving parent understand?",0 "I work on an airport and drive up and down the runway. Someone activated an engine while i was behind it a few months back and it sucked the air out of my lungs and shook me up kinda bad. Now if i feel even the slightest wind or smell the gas of the engines turning on my heart rate is really high, i can feel it beat out of my chest, and i get dizzy and panicked. Is it time to search for another job? Ive heard other people getting ptsd from my job i just didnt know if this was the case with me. Like i said months have passed and this is still happening. The jetblast thing has happened a few times but the last time was kinda bad.",3 "For the past 6 months I have had a lot of intrusive thoughts and notice myself identifying a lot of triggers for my ocd and attempting to avoid a lot of situations. It seems to settle for a few weeks then comes back then settles. I'm struggling to cope with the intrusive thoughts especially. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with them? TIA",1 "Since I first learned about space as a kid I've been extremely bothered by the idea of space being infinite. It didn't take me long to learn nobody else seemed to wrestle with this thought. It bothers me to my core and I don't know why. I met one very intelligent NT I shared this with who is not bothered by the idea of anything being infinite, but is similarly bothered by everything being made of atoms. For me, it completely makes sense that everything is formed by atoms. They are just woven together in different patterns and densities and so on. But my aversion to infinity is so strong I get physically uncomfortable thinking about it. Anyone else?",3 "Recently I’ve been having obsessions over doing hard drugs. I’m not a person who has ever done any drugs at all for the most part, I even try to avoid alcohol because I don’t enjoy drunkenness. But for some reason, whenever I read about Heroin or something, I get intrusive thoughts about how Heroin might be fun, or I should try it, and things along those lines. Things I obviously don’t believe, as is the case with most intrusive thoughts, but I can’t stop thinking that it’s something I need to try or something. Anyone with anything similar?",1 "Hello there! [no worries, I'm not expecting a diagnosis whatsoever] I've been confronting myself with this question after ignoring it for years, because a recent patient told me about her own Asperger's. I am a paramedic and an anesthesiology assistant btw. My childhood wasn't bad, but it was rough at times. I've started speaking fairly late and had difficulties with simple motoric things like swimming or cycling, which I learnt both at the age of nine. I was terribly obsessed with different topics, especially planes, fire departments, EMS and also mail. I was an annoying little know-it-all which has been incredibly socially awkward and had difficulties with finding friends and social interaction after all. Kindergarten was fine, but bullying started soon in school and bothered me until grade 9. My grades were mediocre, even though I had been diagnosed with a fairly high IQ at the age of ten. I just didn't feel as I'd be learning something useful for life in school and thus I just didn't care nor did I put any effort into it. Bullying also didn't make things easier, main reasons for the bullying were my awkwardness, my impertinence and maybe also the fact that I was a migrant kid. Unless I am at work I'm still having difficulties with social interaction, which leads to silly discussions and verbal fights with my girlfriend, friends, colleagues and neighbours. Disregarding the forgone suicidal thoughts and the current depression I've been dealing with in the past years I am doing quite well, especially after having dropped out of school in grade ten and having done my paramedic apprenticeship afterwards. If you still have questions, feel free to ask, I'll answer anything.",3 "Does anyone else ever have such suicidal ideation and hopelessness that things won’t ever get better, but you’re not actually gonna kill yourself so you end up doing the bare minimum to get by because all you can think is “well at least I’m not gonna kill myself” but then you just feel like a complete idiot for not being able to do literally anything you WANT to do. I’m 30 and recently moved back in with my parents to save for a house, but I have zero motivation because it all seems so far out of reach and unrealistic. Shits hard.",2 "My workplace has a set of two doors, first isnt locked but the 2nd one is. When you're in the little mud room, you also have access to another locked door that has a lock you can unlock with the swipe of something long and thin. I've also had to climb into my trunk and through the backseat to get to my car and into my own bedroom window to get into my house. Does being able to break into your own stuff so often make you feel I'll at ease knowing anyone else could do it too? Do yall have any suggestions for keeping keys on my person at all times and not lose them?",0 "I fucking hate my life. I wake up at 6:00 and stare at the wall for 5 minutes until I get ready for school. When I get there I watch as I miserably fail all my classes and get bullied. Soon enough I get to go home where I go straight to my room because I don’t have any friends who I can hang out with and scroll through social media for the rest of the night until I eat dinner and go to bed at midnight. My life isn’t getting any better, it’s just slowly getting worse. I get bullied a lot and try to stand up for myself but whenever I do everyone laughs in my face. It feels like one of those dreams where you’re screaming for help but nobody can’t hear you. All my “friends“ have lost interest in me. I have nobody to talk to, no motivation, my life is an endless roller coaster where you desperately want to get off but you can’t.",2 "My surgery went well and everything is fixed! Just wanted to update anyone who cared. When they took me back to the OR I told the anesthesiologist about what I was afraid of and to my surprise, she spent a few minutes explaining exactly what her job is, how she does it, and why those things won’t happen. She told me how she checks everything and was very nice to me and helped my anxiety go down a lot. I was mostly word vomiting my anxiety to her but she was great and calm with me and honestly I’m a lot less anxious about surgeries now. I think that if my gf has to have another surgery, I might be better and react more positively to the whole experience. Especially since she’s going to be switching to my doctor too. And on another positive note, I was able to look at my procedure pictures they took and I wasn’t afraid of them. So now, I just need to get through recovery. Just wanted to let you guys know that things went well. Thanks for the well wishes!",1 "I just feel so empty. Broken. Like there’s something missing with me. Like I was born missing something. I’ve never really felt like a real person my whole life. The alcohol helps but it’s just so fake. Can I have a conversation with a random person while sober? No, I can’t. I’m shy, I’m nervous, I’m anxious, I’m self conscious,. I’m pathetic. I’m never going to amount to anything. What’s the point? You can’t change that. I always feel such a massive pain in my chest that just won’t go away. Why did I have to be born like this? Why can’t I just be confident enough to be myself? I never asked to be like this. It’s plagued my entire life. I’m never going to feel normal. I thought I’d got better but it’ll never really change. It’s always going to be like this. It’s never going to get better.",2 "I own a small business and employ a handful of awesome folks. Truth be told, I never wanted to run a company. I started solo and I couldn't keep up with the demand, so I hired people to avoid the social mess of 'letting people down'. Things kinda spiralled from there, and now we grow a little bit every year which is great. The problem is ... as the company grows, the more it clashes badly with my ASD. I can't do the 'work' anymore (my special interest) because I have to attend meetings, talk to clients and (urgh) focus on sales. It's like perpetual autistic burnout and the responsibility can be terrifying. I'd love to hear from other aspies who have owned a business. How did it go for you? How did you cope?",3 " TW// slight mention of CSA she said i have cptsd, and it makes sense because i have little snippets of different situations and i cant tell what came first and whats real or not. the realisation that i wasnt just hurt once, but i was hurt multiple times broke me. and the person who did it wont be punished. it happened when i was a small child so i cant remember it all properly in the first place, not just because my brains trying to block it out. its hard to deal with, i dont know what to do. i dont want to spiral again because recently ive been doing really well with not having bad thoughts. its just annoying because if it wasnt like this then maybe id be able to get him arrested but i have barely anything to prove against him (apart from my accusations as a small child but the australian court system doesnt accept that so the cops physically cant investigate him).",3 "How do I stop provoking my partner’s extreme anger (he has Asperger’s)? He’s very caring and loving otherwise but because of his Asperger’s he can’t control his emotions, especially anger (might be genetic too since I have seen his dad yell similar things to his mom when she asked him to move a bookshelf to the basement). Due to his Asperger’s, he’s extremely hot headed and once there’s a spark of anger, it escalates to lots of yelling, calling me degrading names and swear words like “f*cking c*nt”. I know it’s not just me since he I have seen him call his mom and dad that for an unrelated incident when he was angry. Today, he called me those things again because I took his plate (he wasn’t eating) and ate one out of the 4 spring rolls he bought. It was because I’m hungry since he constantly eats my food. Any lunches, snacks, etc I leave for a second, like to use the washroom or take a call, it’s gone but the one time I took one bite of his food, I’m the devil. He said I shamed him by doing so (I never said a word, just looked at him and finished my bite) and started yelling those things to me. He thinks everyone is out to get him and take advantage of him (despite myself and everyone logically explaining we’re not). SO the question is, how do I stop accidentally provoking him? I’m generally very calm and like to talk issues through whereas he assumes the worst and goes into a scary massive name calling, yelling anger episode. So I’d like to avoid it but I don’t intentionally do it since I honestly don’t know what’s the next thing that will trigger him.",3 "The truth is, bad things happen, bad news happens, can neurotypicals not talk about this in the same manner I can as someone with Aspergers? I'm under the impression every neurotypical is convinced they need to focus their lives soley on vanity and artificial happiness. Maybe I'm only in this boat- maybe not. I feel an inability to connect to others on any emotional level whatsoever. This mainly refers to my family. They always talk about ""how I used to be"" and how I ""used to feel"". It gets a bit agitating when someone thinks they know how you feel and function. As I got older I was always told to be yourself and not like others around me. Now that I've completely switched my fake assimilated lifestyle all I'm ever told is ""how you used to be"". I guess people don't understand the concept of emulation or simulation in the fact that it isn't real or representative of who you really are or what you really feel. It honestly makes you feel like you're missing something. But I don't feel sad about being alone. I quite enjoy living alone now and not worrying about my surroundings in my own apartment. With that said I go to work and only do things I really have to do. I'm happy being a shut in if you will. I'm only writing this since I tried to share a medical problem I've been having with my mother this evening. I may have Crohns. We were playing scrabble and she just shut down and said she needed to sleep. Is this normal for neurotypicals with any sort of real life conversations? The truth is, bad things happen, bad news happens, can neurotypicals not talk about this in the same manner I can as someone with Aspergers? I'm under the impression every neurotypical is convinced they need to focus their lives on vanity and artificial happiness. I'm sorry for the rant. Does anyone else relate?",3 "The headline: in Gaming intelligence awards 2020. The betting and gaming industry should take inspiration from the financial trading world and foster neurodiversity to bolster its recruitment strategies. Later in the article it states: The role of the trader today is some thing closer to that of data analyst, with the hands-on attention of old replaced by identifying patterns, trends, anomalies and exceptions - liability is increasingly managed at a higher level in accordance with global thresholds. This has been the case for a while now, yet for some reason, so many companies still hang on to the traditional image of the trader when recruiting. In doing so they not only limit themselves to a dwindling pool of possible candidates, but as the sector continues to grow (to the US, Latin America, Africa and Asia), supply and demand means that they invariably find themselves paying over the odds for a role that could easily be done just as well-perhaps even better and possibly at a lower rate by others more suited to today's trading challenges. Does this actually mean you can pay someone diagnosed with a disability less money when they may actually be better at the job. Is it me or can I not unsee this now. https://issuu.com/gamingintelligence/docs/giq40 Boottom of Page 50 and continued on 51 of 88.",3 "I'm 31 and about 12 years ago I was diagnosed with inattentive type ADD. I never really pursued treatment/counseling due to procrastination and lack of insurance but I feel that Ive really let important parts of my life slip by because I haven't managed myself well enough. In the last 6ish years my partner has pointed out a number of preferences/habits/tendencies of mine that I never really considered to be abnormal but since being highlighted make me think I may have been misdiagnosed and/or may also be on the spectrum. (It seems there may be significant over lap between ADD and Asperger's symptoms, and a fair amount of discussion about whether having both is possible, I'm still learning about all this) Does anyone have experience with this and if so, do you have any suggestions as to what to look for in a counselor and/or any good resources to check out? I'd be happy to discuss my habits/prefs/tendencies but I understand this isn't a place for diagnosis.",3 "I'm interested in talking to other Aspie makers and discussing things like: How do you maintain inspiration for projects and learning new skills? When you hit a block, how do you over come? etc, etc.",3 " I am very depressed. I have been for many years. I have wished I was dead more days than not for the past half decade. Depression is the worst thing in the world, no doubt in my mind. When I have severe feelings of pain when things are good it is like a war breaking out in a beautiful meadow. When I have the same feelings when times are tough it is like a war on top of another war. Going through life the only real and genuine way I have found to dealing with my depression in the long term is through avoidance. Avoidance sounds unhealthy but sometimes it is the right thing to do. When you do not want to deal with your emotions you can distract yourself, and sometimes by the time you finish your bad emotions are gone. What happens if they never go away? What happens when avoidance stops being a cure and instead becomes a painkiller? You start overdosing on painkillers. You start being fun and happy and make jokes every chance you get. You smile and laugh, and you get people to smile and laugh with you. In those moments, when you are the popular one, the confident one, the one people want, the pain goes away. For most people that feeling would carry on, but for me when the music stops, the demons in my head come back. The second I walk out of a door to go home I am either exhausted, drunk or wanting to kill myself. Painkillers are good though, right? Even if it is not the end all solution it is better than nothing, right? The problem is that once you build that mask of who you are, it is hard to go back. If you want to reach out to someone, you can’t have it both ways. Are you going to be popular and feel relief, or annoy people and maybe find a way out of all of this? After years of trying to get out of this, I’ll stick with the relief for now. But what happens when it gets worse? Because believe me, it is getting worse fast. What happens when you are so hooked on relief that you can’t find a remedy? I am not focusing on getting better, I am focused on getting my drug. I want to break that cycle, but I’ll probably take 4 more hits tomorrow and go to bed.",2 "Can someone please explain the difference and give examples? I think I have both but idk which are o and which are c",1 "When ever I try to research something I always go through the same steps. 1. I Google / Google Scholar the thing I want 2. I find a lot of the titles really interesting so I open them all up in new tabs 3. I realise that this is a lot of information and don't want to lose it so I make a word document to save all the links 4. I realise that this is really a lot of information 5. I get overwhelmed by thinking about all the information 6. I get down trodden because I know that if I try and read all of this I will forget almost all of it 7. think about having to take notes on all of it to enable me to remember it 8. Get overwhelmed by the amount of notes I will need to take 9. Get entirely over whelmed and procrastinate ( Like for example writing a reddit post about the issue I am struggling with) I feel like I can't not open all the links at the start because what if I miss something and of course I need to research this area so I'm going to have to read all of these things eventually. Logically I know that I shouldn't and am not expected to know everything about everything straight away but at the same time if I don't try and do it all at the same time I will forget and potentially just never do it Do you have any advice on how I can not get overwhelmed when trying to research a topic?",0 "Recently, I have made a post on why I think I have POCD. Here's the link for more information on it (https://amp.reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/no68uy/i_think_i_have_pocd_porn_addiction_please_help/) I keep having trouble trying to stop my porn addiction to prevent myself from masterbating again because of the intrusive thoughts I keep having. I keep telling myself that it's not right and it's not worth it, but the same cycle happens every time when I masterbate to normal adult porn, I keep having intrusive thoughts popping up in my head, and end up being depressed and my mind torturing and convincing me that I masturbated to the thoughts. Which I didn't. I'm sick and tired of having these urges getting the best of me when I'm trying to stop masterbating and watching porn. Any advice to stop masterbating/porn addiction? I really don't want this to go any further and I'm really worried about what's going to happen in the future.",1 "I can’t stop thinking about it. It almost gives me a panic attack, I feel like I have to rush out and make up for all the time I’ve lost but I don’t know how. Every day that passes with me still being the way I am is another day I fear I’ll regret if I ever make it to old age but I don’t even know what the hell I’m supposed to do about it. I can’t do the things other people my age do. I can’t go out drinking, it’s been ruined for me. For a start it’s ill-advised to drink while on medication and I’m always on something these days. But also, my drinking habits have been a problem in the past, I slip into constant alcohol fairly easily because I’m desperate for any escape from my head. But even now, even if I feel confident I won’t overdo it or let it become a habit, I can’t. People in the past have made me feel so guilty about drinking at all that even though I don’t talk to them or anyone anymore, if I even take a sip of alcohol I feel a wave of shame wash over me and trying to drink more puts me in constant conflict with myself. And I know people are going to say you can go places and not drink, but when was the last time you went somewhere where everyone else was drinking and you actually had fun? Maybe, it’s just me though, maybe I just can’t tolerate people sober. I guess it’s why I don’t have any friends at all. Not even one. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I can’t do it anymore. I’ve tried to make friends, hang out with people after work and stuff but it just makes me want to put a gun to my head. I just want to leave and be alone and I can’t escape the feeling no matter how much I force myself to go out or get over it. I’m lonely in theory but when it comes to being around people in practice, there’s nothing I hate more. I don’t even understand it. I can’t go out and try drugs because my mental state is already so fucked that there’s a serious worry of drugs fucking it up even more and leaving at a point where I can’t tolerate existing anymore, I can barely tolerate it now. I can’t have relationships for much the same reason that I can’t have friends. And even if I could, I’m way too unstable to make it work so it would only end up causing me pain. But I hear about people my age going out and dating and I feel like I’m going to miss my window even though I can’t even go out and do it. I can’t even have sex because, again, I can’t stand being around people. And even when I do manage to get myself into that position somehow, it’s completely unsatisfying because the medication has ruined it for me and I just feel broken and ashamed. One more thing people my age can go out and experience while I’m left here unable to. I can’t even focus on a career or making money because I can’t even hold down a job for a year without my mental health completely crippling me and destroying my ability to function in any way for months at a time, forcing me to give up the job. It happens at every job I’ve ever had. Nothing stops it. I know what people are going to say, these things are just stereotypes for my age group and plenty of people my age don’t do any of them and are still happy but that’s not me. That’s not what I wanted from my 20s. I wanted to experience these things but I just can’t. I’m forced to spend most of my 20s stuck in my room, desperately fighting against my own head. And nothing seems to help, either. I’ve tried so fucking hard to change this shit but nothing helps it. I’ve been to so many therapists over the past couple years, just fucking hoping to go that one of them can help me but they haven’t helped anything, I’ve only gotten worse. I’ve done everything they’ve told me to do, I’ve kept an open mind and tried to be hopeful about the process but it doesn’t work. Not even the medications do anything, I’ve been on so many, built up to the highest dose on various antidepressants, antipsychotics and mood stabilisers and none of them have done anything at all to improve my mood and I don’t know why. Guess I’m just well and truly broken because nothing and no one can seem to fix me at all. So every day I watch my 20s grow shorter and shorter and I panic as I watch the days disappear but I can’t do a fucking thing to change it.",3 "I’m in an accelerated LPN program. We have to get 82%+ to be passing or we get kicked out of the program. My grades were 82-86%. In all 5 of my classes, I have above a 95% thanks to Vyvanse! I’m no longer falling asleep during lectures and I can actually focus on getting assignments and studying done! I even have the energy to stay late to work. Its kind of an ego boost too because we all share our grades with each other and when we talk about tests and I tell my peers about my 95%+ they say “you’re so smart!” I never thought I was smart because I always got 80-90% in classes.",0 Does by one else diagnosed with both of these have overlapping things? I have a OCD compulsion/obsession where I ask my family members repetitively if they are mad at me and I’m constantly worried that people are mad at me. Part of the reason I’ve realized is I have problems reading some facial expressions and my brain often interprets peoples resting face as them being upset/angry at me. Does anyone else with these two diagnoses or people who have multiple neurological/mental disorders relate to this?,1 "Now that's a bit of a fib, people do talk to me a lot. But it's never in a personal way, or one that seems genuine. And people never reach out to me, ask if I wanna go somewhere, or just a simple hi. A big part of me thinks it's my fault now actually that I'm typing this. But despite that, I feel so detached. Like I'm living someone else's life, in a third person view. Any sense of control or any decision I make overloads me with thoughts of anxiety and how many ways it can go wrong and how much others will judge or whatever. And what's the only way to not feel this way it seems? Well just stop feeling. And if you stop feeling, then why be alive? Just end it. On that note, there was a time just after coming out a little about my depression that one person actually was regularly checking up on me. And that felt fcking great. To know that someone took 5 seconds out of their day each morning to make sure I was alright. But then they just stopped, and idk why. I just want to have a normal friendship with someone that I can trust ffs",2 "ive gotten so used to having to control my issues, emotions, and mental processes that i’ve forgotten how to express my deepest feelings. i don’t even know how i really feel. i know how i should feel, and what would be logical for me to feel. it’s not an empty or numb sort of state, it’s like i’m detached from myself. i feel like i don’t know where my genuineness lies. i know who i am, what my goals are, what my reality is, etc., it just seems like something that was crucial to my identity has been lost. i used to be more creative and innovative, now i feel out of touch, as if my own thoughts aren’t in my head. i look to pieces of who i was before to try and understand myself. i don’t wanna think about any of this - which is why i have to get it out - or think about much of anything at all. my personality is a circle of theatrics and i hate it, i don’t hate myself, i just hate what comes out of me because i don’t feel connected to it, if that makes sense.",3 "TW for mentions of suicide, self-harm. My friend has PTSD and anxiety. She has frequent flashbacks, and when things get really bad for her she self-harms. She has suicidal thoughts and has attempted in the past, and has taken herself to the hospital a couple times when these ideas have come close to consuming her. She lives alone, she's cut off her family, and most of her friends from her old life. I'm one of her few current close friends. The current social distancing stuff has been really hard for her. I just got a scary text from her. Then she called and we talked for about an hour. She was flashing back and having suicidal thoughts. I'm scared that one day I'll wake up and find out she's gone. But there's not much that I can do to help, other than what I've been doing-- just being on the phone, coming over when I can, distracting her from flashbacks and listening when she wants to talk about it. I know I can't 'fix' her. You can't fix people. And it's not my responsibility to save her. I know that, too. But I still want to help her feel better if I can. What can I do to help? Any suggestions are welcome. Sending funny videos helps sometimes. If you can link me some funny videos, or music, or any media, or stuff that makes *you* feel better when you're having panic attacks/flashbacks/dark moments, that would be super helpful. Something nice to send her. Or any advice you have, just anything at all. Thanks.",3 "A few nights ago I was in a car, drunk, when the driver (my friend) got pulled over. That immediately triggered me and I started to hyperventilate. It took over two hours for me to calm down (after uncontrollable sobbing and multiple panic attacks). I definitely ruined the mood for the night. I even got me and some of my friends kicked out of the place we were supposed to be staying at, simply due to the fact that I was making the host uncomfortable. Everything is a blur, but according to some of my friends, I pissed off a lot of people that night. I’m absolutely humiliated- in front of a group of 12ish people, some of whom I barely know, I broke down and had one of the worst flashbacks of my life. Many of the people dislike me now, and I don’t know what to do. This is effecting me a lot more than I would like to admit. The memories, the triggers, and above all, the pure humiliation just from thinking about it is absolutely energy draining. Flashbacks are already really hard to deal with, but on top of that the negative social aspect of it all really took a toll on me. How do I move on? And how do I apologize? I feel so bad for killing everyone’s vibe.",3 I have Depression and Anxiety formally diagnosed about 2 years ago. I just feel so unhappy abe unfulfilled with where I am in life. My job just isn't giving me the same happiness and satisfaction it used to. I find it stressful and theres a lot of micromanaging going on from senior leadership. I've always had a bit of a problem with stress and anxiety and sometimes the job is just unbearable. I'm a really creative person and have been called super smart. I always enjoyed learning and Academia and I think that's where my heart is. I'm just too scared to take that leap of faith.,2 "Hello? …hello? It’s been over an hour since I took my first pill and I was sat playing PS4 and realised it had gotten quiet in my head that I actually said Hello to myself. The buzzing has stopped, the pub full of internal chatter of ideas and connections to things and excessive thoughts, everything has quietened down. It feels like the pub inside my head has been closed for the day. I can think clearly. I feel lighter as a body of flesh, I always felt like gravity was concentrated around me. So lethargic and heavy - I just feel brighter overall. It’s only been an hour and a half. Only thing So far is a slight dull headache but this was expected (read the medication pamphlet cover to cover) Can’t believe this change already and it’s only just begun.",0 If anybody on this page needs to then get anything off thier chest or just vent please reach out to me. I want you to know you're not alone. Somebody help me years ago when I want to pay it forward. -Mike,3 "I have been diagnosed with OCD, and this has been happening for a few years now, but if I experience stress I often OFTEN get a really strange sudden urge to say a short phrase. That phrase kind of changes but is usually always negative or strange and is often not related at all. It feels like an itching in my head every time this happens and I just need to say it, and once I say it I feel slightly stress relieved for a while. The thing is, I don't do it around other people for the most part. I can control it and I don't want to look ""crazy"" in front of other people. It feels voluntary in some ways but in other ways, it doesn't. Once I am out of a stressful situation and away from other people I will often erupt into the repeated phrase over and over again and it gets really fucking annoying and I sound like a lunatic, always interrupting myself to tell myself to shut the fuck up. When I can't get away from people and do this I feel itchy again. Does anyone else do this and is there a reason for this nonsense?",1 "I’ve been suicidal for so long. My whole life has fallen apart as of late and all I can feel is emptiness now, gnawing away at me; eating me from the inside out. I just wanna curl up and die all the time. What’s the point of anything anymore? The only reason I’m not gone yet is because I’m too much of a coward to do anything to myself, I just hope to god that something will do me in from the moment I wake up till the moment I go to bed. I’m sick of spending every day like this. I don’t know what to do if it doesn’t get better. The only reason I can even bear it anymore is the weed I use daily to numb it all. If I think about anything relating to my life for too long I just end up crying, so I try not to think about it at all. I feel like the misery has consumed me.",2 "I want to remember the good things like funny memories with my friends, and when they bring up an inside joke I dont remember I feel shitty cause i can tell it bums them out. I can never recollect anything from my favorite movies and people think im being pretentious when I say I love a certain movie. They will quote something from it and I wont have clue what theyre talking about unless its a super popular quote :/ I honestly just dont have any good core memories with anything really. I dont know. I hate it I just want to get better and i feel like remembering the good things in life would help if only my brain would allow it. Is there anything i can do to help me with this? TLDR: Is there a way to have better memory while struggling with depression?",2 "can anyone relate to this? I can come up with solutions for complex problems or complex ideas in seconds but I fail to process social situations in realtime. I often find myself thinking about social stuff days after they have happened. I often seem to digest the situations and be able to map them correctly but I often fail to get to the point what to do about it. Socializing and stuff is so energy consuming. I love to talk. I love to talk and listen. I could do it for hours. But the whole social thing. Damn, why can't people just say what they want.",3 "I don't know if this came on after i started medication or if i've always been like this and i'm only just noticing it but i cannot for the life of me read or write when i'm listening to music. Like i find that the best way for me to study is in complete silence or with some kind of white noise because as soon as theres words and a melody i'm absolutely not gonna know wtf i'm reading. Whats worse is if i'm on my Dexedrine while studying and decide 'hey what if you listen to x' and then i go down a rabbit hole and create a whole new playlist or explore their entire discography and end up not getting work done. Just a funny experience i thought i'd share.",0 "I see no reason in life and have had short ideas about spontaneously killing myself. My days are monotone and even though I have friends I don’t feel loved for who I am even though they probably are. I wont kill myself because I life for others, say my mom dad and some relatives. I still want to die and am scared of my spontaneous actions",2 "I have been having a bad depression day for the past 2 days, and I haven't been able to stay awake. Does anyone else have this? I just feel constantly tired even though I am sleeping 15+ hours a day. I don't really know why I am posting this. I guess just to know if other people have depression symptoms like this.",2 "I really need some help and appreciate all input. I don’t know if this community can help me, but I’m desperate and deeply embarrassed about a personal failing and I need help to finally tackle something that I dread doing with every part of my soul, mind, and body. I can’t check my work email without nausea and vomiting. I am broken and need help because I HAVE to do this. The longer I wait to check my email, the worse of a situation I’m in. The logical faculties of my brain are finally coming back online after being assaulted by grief in October. We were already grieving the loss of my husband’s brother, who died in a horrific work accident in June. He was 52 and was crushed to death by his own work truck when the brakes had a freak malfunction, allowing the wheels on the cab to roll backwards over him. During the first week of October, my husband’s parents weren’t feeling well. His mom died of COVID on October 7, and his dad died on October 10. Earlier in the year, my husband lost his cousin and uncle. We were in shock for three weeks in October. We had to make travel plans, take the kids out of school, fund two funerals, etc. I am an attorney and I put up an out-of-office message on October 20. I notified clients on November 15 that I was temporarily closing. I’ve been working to place clients since then. But I can’t fucking open my email. I can’t take the ordinary amount of abusive communications to me because people treat attorneys like shit. I can’t take one more client telling me that they “don’t give a shit” about my personal life - they need me NOW! I do NOT have a litigation practice with court deadlines. I have a transactional practice with contract deadlines, which are always negotiable by the parties. Regardless, about 20% of my clients are being heartless monsters towards me because they were mildly inconvenienced by my family’s tragedy, which delayed them buying their second home. I admit that I did not check email since I put my away message up. I instructed people to call me if they needed urgent assistance. Now I am finding horrific emails from people who work with me on deals (think real estate agents, mortgage brokers, etc) alleging to report me to the Bar because I didn’t respond to their email yet. Logically, I know I have done nothing wrong. Emotionally, I am internalizing shit that I shouldn’t be internalizing. But none of that matters. I hear the sound of an email or an email notification and I’m like Pavlov’s dogs - instant nausea. I open Outlook and I vomit. I open an email with a bucket on my lap. What the fuck can I do?",3 "Some years ago I suffered a near-death experience in a local hospital, namely being fed solid food after being injected with morphene. I promptly choked, blacked out, had to be revived. That was probably a trigger event in my diagnosed PTSD. Now my wife needs to go to the same hospital for a heart procedure. Friday I took her there for a pre-op test, and as we walked down a hallway all the old memories/fears came flooding back. Now she goes in for the procedure Wed. I feel I should really take her and be there for her support, but just don't think it's wise. Should I feel like a heel in arranging someone else to take her, or is my own protection more important?",3 "I hate seeing all of my friends do well in life, not because I'm jealous, but because their success reinforces the fact that I'm a complete failure. I have no reason to be depressed, I have a perfect home life, it's just hereditary. And now I feel even worse because I have had to give up self harm because my mum found out. All I want to do is stay in bed all day... And it's going to take the doctors a very long time to help. Life is hell.",2 "I’m so happy right now. I helped someone figure out they‘re trans! So recently someone from uni texted me and asked if I could help them with some questions they had about aspergers because it came up in their therapy and while we talked, the topic trans came up (since I am trans myself) and this morning I received a message, that I have helped them figure out that they are trans and it makes me somehow super happy! Thanks for everybody that has read this. I hope you have a nice day",3 "I was recently diagnosed with Adhd and like many of you I've started to reanalyze my life under this new lense. Although I've probably could have been further along in life with meds, at the age of 25 I'm glad I wasn't a child that grew up on them. I was listening to a podcast and the guy mentioned that medicating children can do long term alterations to their brain chemistry. It's probably similar in adults, however since we are nearing or at the end of our development I'd guess the effects aren't so ""bad"". Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to start some stimulant medication soon. I've tried Adderall once been for 3 years ago and I felt laser focused like I've near felt before. I know I'm smart, but adhd has handicapped my abilities for sure. Still, because of developmental concerns I'm glad I'm starting medication at this stage where my frontal lobe development is almost ""complete"". What do you all think? Would you have rathered medication earlier in life, or glad you'll start as an adult?",0 "I just got diagnosed as ADHD-C just before I turned 40 a couple of months ago. I started Concerta but had to switch to Elvanse today. I started a new desk job in a different field in July after a couple of decades of 2 jobs doing engineering and firefighting, which I was good at but also had to cope with the isolation of being female and secretly ADHD. Today, after a very stressful day of not understanding how to teach myself the ropes in a new career WFH, after feeling the gravity of my inability to have had decent relationships for my whole life, after the pinch of grief I keep getting over not having any kids yet, after my newish partner disappearing upstairs all night because he's avoiding me after my jolly mask slipping and seeing me cying at my desk, I feel like I'm really done. The feeling of loneliness I've had all my life has been relentless and unsolvable. I have no family or close friends, so no one to offer any comfort, not that I'd know how to ask for it if I did. I just feel hopeless and like ADHD has ruined me for so long and there's no way I can salvage anything of myself. I feel like a complete failure and one paycheck or argument or fuck up at work away from being on the road to being destitute. I don't know how to fix me enough to be the way I want to be to have the relationship I imagine or what I'm aiming for other than to survive enough to pay the bills. I tried going to one counsellor but it was a bad fit, there aren't any others locally that deal with ADHD and I'm out of ideas of what to do other than pop my new pills and hope for divine inspiration. I guess I just need someone here to tell me the usual things, that I'm not alone, give me a clue, anything either that or to pull myself together and get a grip. It's hard to realise I don't think I've felt true comfort or safe with another human being ever. Obligatory: sorry for ranting - I can't not apologise for airing my thoughts, I wish I could. Edit: I somehow hope this may be strangely inspirational in some way that young people are getting diagnosed at good ages so they don't have to have suffered the hardships I have for so long. I've had 2 great careers in which ADHD has been a distinct advantage, if I'd been treated sooner I can only dream of how much further I would've got than I already did.",0 "(tw for domestic violence and sexual abuse) this is my first time posting here but i thought i would give it a try as i just wanted to vent this today. a few years ago i was in an abusive relationship, i’m safe and recovering now but it still hangs over me constantly. i was recently diagnosed with ptsd because of this past abuse and childhood abuse also. i’m 18 but still living with my mum at the moment until i go to uni, and although i appreciate her a lot, we don’t get along at the best of times. so i tend to just let her and my stepdad say/do what they want without retaliation or question to keep the peace. and that kinda went against me tonight. i really don’t like risotto. it’s something that is almost fully attached to a very specific flashback i have of one night when the abuse was nearing its worst. and when she said we were having it for dinner i didn’t really know what to say. i didn’t want to bring it up because i didnt know how she would react, as she doesn’t like my ptsd diagnosis and has never really accepted what happened to me. so i just thought i could suck it up. spoiler: i couldn’t. it was on my mind all day. i haven’t been able to stop thinking about it and i kept reliving that violent dinner a few years ago. and about 20 minutes ago i ate the risotto. i didn’t enjoy it, i couldn’t. i don’t know if the attachments to it had poisoned my tastebuds as well as my mind but it tasted rancid to me. my mum and stepdad were enjoying it and i felt crazy for hating it so much. but i had this rotten taste in my mouth that matched how i was feeling. but i did it. i ate as much as i could and then i stopped, before i pushed myself too far. and i feel better for doing it. i feel like i’ve got something back.",3 "So I(13f) have ocd, specifically pure o, I know that. I’m wondering though if this other thing that happens is also ocd or if I’m just overreacting and this happens to everyone. So I hear people say “oh this is uneven and it triggers my ocd” so idk what they mean because sometimes I feel uneven. Like I’m typing this right now and the right side feels… kind of heavier that the left so I have to scrape and tap the left side of my phone until it gets better. It gives me lots of anxiety and it feels wrong, I’m only writing this post because I just had a panic attack. I can’t step on cracks and when I do I have to keep stepping on cracks with my other foot until it feels right. But I hear everyone saying that they need to straighten things and make things even because “they have ocd” so is this ocd or is it normal? How much anxiety do they get from not straightening it or making it even?",1 i alsways end up crying a few mintures after it happens he usually goes to sleep after so he often doesnt see the crying (we a long distance,3 "Let me first start out saying that I didn't not rape anyone or pressure anyone into anything. Here's what happened: I'm in a relationship with my primary partner, we'll call her Ann, and we've been together for 8+ years. At the beginning of this year we opened out relationship up to be ethically non-monogamous. Things happened and we've both started dating the same woman, Rene. Ann started about 4 months before I did so they're in a pretty solid couple status. Me and Rene started about 2 months ago so we wouldn't label us as anything except that we're dating. Ann and I are in couples therapy where our therapist put us both through EMDR therapy. This past Wednesday, Ann did her first session with it and it brought up a LOT. But what we walked away with was her feelings of being alone and feeling second best. So at my suggestion that night, we all three had a cuddle pile on the couch that lead to non sexy bed cuddles. This was the first time Rene had been asked to share our bed with us to sleep. We all had settled down, Ann and I smoked some weed. We all watched something on hulu and then shut the light off and commenced the snuggle. So, Rene was raped about two years ago by someone she was dating, she was also sexually assaulted a couple times that year too by some other guy. That's all I know about it, obviously, she doesn't like to talk about it. Anyway, after some tossing and turning, we all settle down into a triple spoon with me spooning Ann who was spooning Rene. At some point, I reached over in my half sleep stated and put my hand on Rene's belly around her button, and pulled her closer to Ann, who then got pulled closer to me. It's something I know Ann loves when I do because it's like a big hug. This however was the last straw in what had been a day long trigger for her. Apparently, a text I had sent earlier to Rene was very similar to something her rapist had texted her. The temperature of our room was the same on that night, my hand, where it was, happened to feel very similar to how he grabbed her. She said she was even wearing the same shorts that night. Now, I didn't find this out until the next morning because Rene had gotten up about 10 minutes after I pulled her in, and left crying, not explaining why. Ann and I were obviously very concerned and confused. It wasn't until the next morning when I asked Rene what was wrong, she told me that I triggered her PTSD with all the aforementioned. She asked that I don't contact her until she's had time to process this away and that she knows and I should know that I did nothing wrong. I am an absolute wreck. In Rene's mind, I am her rapist. We've been friends for years, lovers for a couple months, but now, I am her rapist. I don't know what to do besides give her her space. But I don't know what she's feeling or anything I'm in this limbo of waiting for her to tell me one of three things. A. We can't be together anymore. B. We can go back to being friends but never anything more. or C. Let's pick right back up. I'm just looking for any support or a point in the right direction to where I could get that. Obviously, I'm not the victim here. She 100% is, and I want to find this guys life and ruin it personally. But I'm also reeling here emotionally and just could use anything right now. Thank you all.",3 "So there’s two parts to this. I’ve mentioned on here that I have a hard time getting into hobbies because that urge will stick for a day / week and the next thing you know, i’ve moved onto to another one without even attempting the first lol how do you make a hobby stick? Recently i’ve started getting really interested in DevOps (im in IT) and learning the in’s and out’s. i’ve purchased courses from Udemy, been learning the basics, and I really hope to turn this into a career one day. Only problem is that my mind looks into the future and gets scared …. of failure so I instantly question “is this even the right path? what if I waste my time on this and it doesn’t work out?”. My patience needs TREMENDOUS work but how do you manage to do things in life as if there’s a fire under your ass? I want to have that strive, that goal, that clarity.",0 "Hey those around the world, I started having the fear my parents would die at age so I had to go into their bedroom and sniff all their clothes repeatedly from 4 until about 15 when the teenager slipped out of me but after that I still had ways of getting by despite the constant I have been on likely 50+ prescribed pills or more. What I take: * MORNING * \-3 Topamax 75mg total * \-Paxil 40 going to 60mg * Prescribed Iron pill 300mg (Nothing at lunch)\* Remember the little star to see remarks below DINNER * Topamax 75mg * Nitrofurantoin 50mg (to help prevent Urinary Tract Infection) Night/Sleep time * Clobazam 20mg * Trazodone 100mg * Anafranil/Clomipramine 150mg * Gabapentin 800mg Now come the ""as needed"" * Use when needed * 1mg Gabapentin for restless legs syndrome during the day (these automatically repeat) * 1 month Tylenol * 1 month Advil * 1 month Loperamide * Recent Naproxen, DO NOT TAKE ALEVE/NAPROXEN WHEN TAKINGADVIL/IBUPROFEN * I take my Xanax with me everywhere, 1 take 1 2mg dose AS NEEDED * If you have comments, please do share, if you don't mind sharing your med cocktail, this is a safe place",1 "Was not sure where else to post this. Hi, I've been dealing with a stalker issue for a while now. I have plans to change my full legal name and move away. I'm just not sure about the details of it. I live in Colorado, currently. I've made the decision to do this because the cops in my area will just laugh at me if I report it. I'm too scared something bad will come of it if I report. This person had given my phone number out so other people can help him harass me,, sexually harassed me, was grossly possessive, was putting money in my bank account, tried to hurt my boyfriend, hacked into my Gmail account into my cloud and stole my naked pictures, and accused us of stealing from him for attention. This person has done so much to hurt me. I just want to move away and let things return to normal. I don't know what the first step to changing my name is, I don't know how much a full legal name change costs in total. I need advice. I'm completely overwhelmed.",3 "I recently learned I have OCD and now I’m noticing all of the things I do that are obsessions/compulsions. It’s like every single action and thought I have is just OCD. One I’ve done for a while is with upvotes and downvotes on Reddit. Whenever I post anything I am constantly checking the upvotes to watch for any changes. Idk why but I literally check every few minutes. Maybe it’s because I’m paranoid that I said something wrong. I hate that on trans subreddits there’s so many bots and people just downvote you for no reason, but even knowing this I still over check it and get stressed about it. I also have a problem with liking posts on social media and upvoting posts here. I have to upvote certain things because it feels like I’m a bad person if I don’t. Sometimes I scroll back pretty far to check if I upvote something and even reopen the app if I closed it without upvoting. I love this app because I’ve learned so much on here from so many different subs and feel like I’m part of communities. But I just get so fixated on it like it’s life or death.",1 "(TW: Heart attack, parent death, abuse) So my main source of trauma comes form witnessing my dad have a heart attack when I was nine. I was very close to watching him die right in front of me. This is my main source of trauma, but I’ve notice that I’m very sensitive to yelling. Like I’ll have panic attacks if I hear yelling even if it’s not directed at me sensitive. My mom just thinks it’s loud noises that set me off, and they do but yelling is the main thing. I can’t tell her that though because I think she might be the reason. The worst part is I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get help because I don’t know if I’ll ever be independent from her due to my disabilities, and if I am independent she might live with me if she doesn’t have much money. So I might never get treatment from my trauma.",3 "I'm so sick of life. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not getting any mental health help. Everyone argues multiple times a day. We moved like 2 months ago so don't have a psychologist/councillor or anything like that and we don't have a social worker. I told my mum i need one but the gp is always full so i cant get a referral. Mum's at work all day and i'm stuck with only my Father who i hate for 5 days a week and my whole family on weekends so i never get a break from him.. Most days i wake up to Him shouting at my sister or my sister shouting at him. He doesn't respect privacy, keeps going into my sisters room without knocking then refuses to leave so they shout even more. To my door he sometimes knocks but never waits and refuses to close my door or let me close it. It's infuriating and i don't want to interact with him. Its hard finding a job here so My parents are talking about moving.. again.. We finally found an ok house and unpacked nearly everything and they are talking about moving. We might not move if they manage to find a job but idk.. I hate this. I hate my life. I'm just having one mental breakdown after another, one depressive episode after another, one urge after another. We finally at least have a nice house and now I'm going to be stressing about this again. With every argument i just want to either kill HIM or myself.",2 "I’m a therapist and upon learning about the neurobiology of ADHD recently (as opposed to it being behavioral, which is sadly how it’s still approached in a lot of academia) had the same life changing revelation as many of you - omg suddenly my whole life makes sense! Cue: several months of obsessive fixation and reading everything under the sun about ADHD. I have since helped several clients with a diagnosis and sat with them in tender moments of validation, relief, and mourning for not knowing sooner. I feel that I’m uniquely situated to specialize in this since it can be very hard for someone without ADHD to understand how our brains work and the *why* under so many “symptoms” (I prefer the terms characteristics, manifestations, behavior patterns.) I’m also aware that it’s different for everyone and things that work for me may not work for someone else; my approach heavily emphasizes self-determination and self-knowing. My clients are the expert on what works for them. My question for the community is: what experiences with therapists have been the most or least helpful? What are you looking for/wanting from ADHD treatment beyond medication?",0 "It’s been like 12 years that I’ve listened to Joy Division but I understand this one line more at 27 than my teenage self could’ve ever imagined. I embody this line. 7 years with depression and at some point you do reach a point to where you just don’t care anymore , even the hope of becoming better appears to distant to believe in . Ian Curtis sums it up: “Guess your dreams always end They don't rise up, just descend I don't care anymore/ I've lost the will to want more/ I'm not afraid, not at all/ I watch them all as they fall But I remember/ When we were young” Idk who’s the “we” referring to but the torment of my depression is always knowing I wasn’t always like this ; it’s the ability to gauge deep into the past and remember a time where I felt real that hurts me the most because where the fuck did that go and why does it seem so irretrievable to feel real again? Depression is a hole that just keeps getting deeper and deeper and I’m just buried under it. I wanna believe I’ll be better in the future but even the idea seems useless.",2 "I came up with this analogy yesterday to explain my Just Right OCD to my partner. I have an invisible OCD Monster that follows me around. This monster is petty, and at the same time both extremely consistent and wildly unpredictable. OCDM is very vocal when they don’t like something, and sometimes even gets physical. What doesn’t OCDM like? Like I said, sometimes OCDM is consistent: they hate odd numbers, they despise closed curtains and blinds unless there’s a reason for it, except for the shower curtain, that one must ALWAYS stay closed. They don’t like it when anyone touches or even walks past me in an “uneven” way. What’s that, you say? What’s considered “uneven?” Why it changes everyday! It really depends on how OCDM is feeling. When OCDM hears, sees, feels, or even thinks for a goddamn fucking _moment_ something that it doesn’t like, it lets me know. OCDM will pinch, poke, and prod me somewhere related, or entirely unrelated, to the offensive action. You brushed my arm while you passed? Now OCDM is tickling that spot. I try to scratch it away. OCDM decides it’s not enough, more tickles, more scratches. More tickles, more scratches. More tickles more scratches more tickles more scratches moreticklesmorescratchesmoreticklesMORESCRATCHESMORETICKLESMORESCRATCH-STOP RIGHT THERE. Yes. Perfect. OCDM is satisfied now. Why? I have no clue, it is not for me to question OCDM. I have appeased them this time. That’s one I can predict though. I know OCDM doesn’t like uneven touches. I can try to avoid those. More distressing is when OCDM tells me _after_ a unique incident has already occurred that it really didn’t like that. I asked you what time it is. You said 7:58pm. OCDM taps me on the shoulder and politely let’s me know it had really been looking forward to the hard L and K sounds that you were going to make when you said “8 o’clock.” Wonderful, my choice is to either endure OCDM’s torturous nagging (and it gets quite torturous quite quickly) or cluck like a chicken until OCDM has deemed the quantity and ratio of L and K sounds to be sufficient. You think I _like_ to have everything a certain way? You think I get _enjoyment_ out of completing tasks inefficiently? You think I keep asking you to leave the kettle empty and unplugged with the lid popped open on the counter because I “want” it that way? I want for nothing but to avoid the torture and torment inflicted by OCDM. Empty, unplugged, and lid open is the bare minimum to avoid OCDM’s wrath. I still have to orient it properly on a certain part of the counter with the cord placed a certain way every morning, lest OCDM become agitated. Having things arranged a certain way, comporting myself strangely around others, doing things in weird and repetitive ways does not make me _happy_. The only thing I am accomplishing is the avoidance of mental and physical distress inflicted by OCDM. And so when I ask you to not make a lot of noise and stay in or avoid a certain part of the house for a time, I am not trying to control you. I do not want to control you. I’m asking for your help, just for a couple of hours, to help me give OCDM a few less things to punish me for. I know you can’t see it, but it’s there, and it feeds on stress and fear, and this pandemic has been a goddamn buffet. I don’t think OCDM will ever go away completely, and while I usually try to deal with them on my own and starve them whenever I can, OCDM has been eating good for too long and is HUGE right now. I need your help while I work to make OCDM small again. Please, help me 😔",1 "Depression and pregnancy don’t mix. I’m just ready to go to sleep and not wake up, but I wish i didn’t feel that way because i love my baby boy and i’m excited he’s coming. It’s just so hard. This is the worst i’ve ever felt, while trying so hard not to feel this way. When will I feel free again?",2 "Hi everyone, I have severe ADHD and have been recently wanting to learn more math skills. I can barely do basic multiplication and failed math twice in high school. Now I’m adult, I want to learn. Especially since I want to hopefully go to college to study Biology. Do you all have any tips, or know of any programs I could use to build my math skills?",0 Why does my younger aspie friend sometimes avoid me - especially if other people are around -yet he is over friendly if I bump into him or if I text him.,3 "I don't know if this is ADHD related or some kind of insomnia but I have serious difficulty falling asleep at a decent time. I work a night shift for my job but I work from home so my bed is right there when I'm done, but I always keep finding shit to distract me (gaming, youtube, twitter, reddit, etc.) when I should be sleeping cause then I don't feel like waking up till 11 in the morning and I got like 3 hours to do shit around the house before I have to start work again and it's horrible for my mood. I just want to know, is this a problem for anyone else? Do you find that meds help you with it?",0 " I am having a LOT of trouble focusing on any work. No guides, articles or advices has helped me. I don't have time to meditate and my meds don't really help (concerta). I need real help from others who have overcome this. So please, give me the words of wisdom for the poor to use and gain from. Thanks!",0 "To add context, I've noticed that my OCD would be less worse when I was around aquaintances as I wasn't able to be entirely stuck in my head if I wanted to interact with them. I know this isn't the case for everyone as we all have different OCD themes. However, is there something in your life that makes OCD back away for the period of time you are exposed to it?",1 "Share a story of a time you felt rejected, excluded, etc. Share a story of a time you felt accepted.",3 "i have posted this to r/mentalhealth as well, just so i can accumulate a broader assortment of answers :) so, as much as i didn’t really want to go down the route of taking medication, my mental health feeling like it was progressively getting worse and falling deeper and deeper into this void of whatever the fuck, along with the additional weight of other personal and also domestic problems, had encouraged me to get myself booked into the doctors. after a couple elaborate appointments, they were very enthusiastic to prescribe me an antidepressant, namely, citalopram. i have been taking 20mg of citalopram for 2 months now, but the consistent routine of taking medication everyday is still new to me and something i’m still trying to get used to. for the first time, today, i can’t remember if i’ve taken my dose. i’m trying to replay, so to speak, this morning in my head (i take it in the morning when i make my cereal), but i really can’t remember whether i have taken it or not! i guess my question is as simple as what should i do? if i take another one (if maybe i have already taken it this morning) will this have an effect on my tolerance for the drug? or if i don’t take it will i suffer some sort come down? i need to make my decision on what i do soon but i just want an educated answer before i do. thank you!!!!",2 "So I spoke to a doctor about it for the first time. He said he could see it, it would be mild if anything and at this point I was referred to an occupational therapist and a therapist that has experience with asd. Is there a test?",3 "We recently got “mental health ambassadors” elected as students from my school. I just find it funny how shallow it all is. Its been 6 months,they got a big fancy display with all their pictures on the wall and were formally announced….. but thats about it. Oh wait thats wrong, they did make an empty “mental health” folder on the school system. Everyone talks of how they only did it to get a good reference on their CV. I just think its funny. You always try and convince yourself nobody cares and are told “no its just in your head” but in reality there are people that take on the responsibility of the role that in some cases can result in the life and death of another student .yet in reality its all for themselves. Really makes me lose hope.",2 "Looking for the name of a book that was mentioned here about a day ago about why we procrastinate.. Or it may have been in PTSD. Someone made a great post about why PTSD makes us procrastinate. Basically when you procrastinate, you are stuck in the freeze mode. I know that might sound obvious but it was validating to hear that. I am an MD who was able to get my license reactivated about a year ago. I have been out of practice for about 5 years due to going partially blind reactivating CSA and violent memories. I am glad I have mostly processed them, and I know it will just make me a better doctor. However, I have been stuck in freeze mode for about a year. I did accomplish about 200 hours of study, twice the requirement of the state licensing board, but I have to confess most days I am stuck on the couch until at least noon. WTF! I will overcome this inertia but why is it so hard. But like Martin Luther King, I shall overcome :)",3 "If you don’t know who Son Heung-Min is, he’s a football (soccer) player for Tottenham Hotspur. He’s also the captain of the South Korean national team and is an icon in the country, enjoying a pop culture status comparable with K-Pop stars. On Sunday, during Tottenham’s 1-1 draw at Everton, Son fouled Everton’s André Gomes. The tackle caused Gomes to land on his ankle, twisting it gruesomely. Son could be seen having a panic attack, visibly shaking and unable to continue playing, as his yellow card was changed to red due to the severity of Gomes’ condition. The outpouring from the football community, not only towards Gomes, but to Son, was outstanding. Reports on Son’s mental state after the game were not good and it is alleged that he continued to have an attack in the locker room and needed to be comforted by several players, including Everton captain Seamus Coleman, who had suffered a similar injury some years earlier. After outrage from pundits, Tottenham successfully appealed Son’s red card, which would have meant him missing three games. Tonight, a visibly muted Son scored two goals in Tottenham’s 4-0 win over Red Star Belgrade, a game nobody thought he would be able to play. Just wanted to share this because it shows that mental health and trauma are gaining a lot of awareness, even in a community that can be as hostile and machismo as football can.",3 For me luckily my flashbacks arent that noticeable but I still at times do get them at school and I never know what to do any tips?,3 "Does anyone else ever hear a sound that isn't music and just have it stuck in your head?? I will hear something and then just have it stuck on repeat in my head for rest of the day. If I hear a siren from a police car or firetruck my brain will keep replaying that noise over and over again. It especially happens when a noise surprises me, and I'll just uncontrollably imagine it over and over again",1 "For me its this: \-No Jam, Mayonnaise or Ketchup. These are the worst. I have to wash my hands after touching just the jar or bottle of any of these, especially if they have been opened before. You cant put ketchup on my plate next to my plate otherwise I will not eat it because ketuchup could've splashed in it. When the tuna and sweetcorn has been eaten and the tupperware is in the sink to be washed, I throw it away because I wont risk using that container again because it could have leftover mayo. I will gag to the point of throwing up if there any ketchup in my burger which happens too often even though I always ask McDonalds to take it out. \- I used to not be able to touch cheerios and would only eat cornflakes when I was about four. My dad refilled the cereal container that had a single cheerio lying on the bottom with cornflakes and I realised. When he poured me a bowl before school, I started crying because I was scared of the cheerio. He forced me to eat it and as soon as I stood up I projectile-vomited all over the floor \- When I was 9/10 years old I didnt like to eat lunch or breakfast, only dinner. This lead to me being very underweight and my parents worried sick that I was anorexic. I also went mute sometimes. I put all the sandwiches my mum gave me for lunch at the bottom of my bag to the point that there were maggots at the bottom. My mum still does not know this. \- I do not like the smell of boiled water because it makes me sick \- I can't physically drink out of certain cups and also some types of water and especially in this hot weather (UK) it is making me very dehydrated. There is only one cup in the house my brain will let me drink out of at the moment and my siblings keep using it . I can't wash it because I don't like drinking out of cups that have just been washed because I am scared of soap in my drink. I also cant use the sponge if the last thing it was used to wash was a plate, not a cup. If the good cup is there I have to drink bottled water. When I was little I had to drink tap and bottled water mixed, a couple months ago only tap water and now we're full cycle with only bottled water. There is often no bottled water which means that I can't drink. If im really dehydrated, I will take a mouthful of water directly from the tap but I gag. ",3 "Hands on ears jagged - panic - black - frantic - shaking Black and white all space - looking, different - interlocked eyes; jagged Individual, fractal - tesselate Outlines and pupils white eyes vast in scale Overwhelming, spiralling - frantic,",3 "I was diagnosed in 2002, and it’s created significant problems (speech) and thinking orientation. What I want to say with anybody with aspergers, I have unintelligible social responses and social learning difficulty. These are the problems associated with my diagnoses. It may be hard to realize how to define yourself among all the data and information on the web. You don’t really have to even put a label on yourself. You will have the incredible gift of focusing, and you can use those gifts to define your interests. These interests can be narrow or broad. Keep trying to fixate on what you are obsessing over. The comorbid problems are very difficult to overcome. In an intense environmental or social work environment I don’t necessarily thrive. Recognizing you’re different should be pretty straightforward already. Live your authentic life and you’ll be okay. I tend to have narrow interests, which guided me to the wholeness within myself. Although I have anxiety, depression, and a seizure disorder, I consider myself to see the positives more beautifully. Not to throw social interaction out the window, you can eventually get there if you work at it. Expressing to yourself or others that you are different isn’t that important, people already recognize. It’s all about how you use those differences and tailor them to your life.",3 "Happened to me several times in my high school (can't remember which specific class). As someone who struggled to pay attention and kept to themselves, I hardly knew the names of half the kids in my class, let alone their faces. So being asked to distribute homework or tests to everybody was so embarrassing. I had to call out each student and wait for them to raise their hand or motion towards me. Ugh.",3 I have depression and anxiety but nothing REALLY bad has ever happened to me. I feel like I shouldn't be sad since I have a pretty decent life I feel ungrateful. I don't know why I hope for bad things to happen to me does anyone else feel like that? I feel like I deserve bad things to happen to me.,2 "I get one obsession somewhat under control, and there's another coming right along to ruin my life. I go on medication and feel so numb from it that life barely feels worth living. I bring my med dose down and now it doesn't work at all and I'm back to mental torture.",1 "It was only making my depression worse. I felt more isolated and anxious and I lost a lot of friends from posting how I felt. I would get harassed sometimes from men I didn’t know. I’m just saying people with severe depression like me, social media is not your friend.",2 "My son is doing a Biphentin medication trial and so far his symptoms are really well controlled, but he's definitely experiencing the appetite suppression that can go along with this medication. Have you, or your children taking this medication, seen a return in appetite after a while of use? We're currently 3 weeks into the medication trial. He's a robust kid, very tall for his age but not skinny, but I don't want him to be at risk for losing an excessive amount of weight while trying to grow. We have a follow up booked with our family doctor for the beginning of November and a referral put in with a pediatrician to have a full assessment. Also, if you have some tips that you have that I could use to maybe increase his caloric intake with his breakfast meal I would love to hear them. TIA.",0 "I had rocd with my ex, after he broke up with me months ago rocd literally disappeared (don't worry, we didn't broke up because of rocd, i loved him). Now it's been some days that i'm worrying about the relationship that i have with my bestfriend. She is amazing,the best bff that i could ever ask for, she is funny, supportive and all but lately i get ""angry"" so easily at her. We have a real dark humor, we call each other names and then we laugh about it, or we make fun of eachother but i found myself getting annoyed very easily when she does these things, even if she's not serious. Probably is because i'm EXTREMELY stressed for the school, i'm studying like crazy for a SUPER IMPORTANT EXAM (she is studying too), but idk..i'm so scared i'm getting tired of her, i don't wanna lose her... today, despite these little moments of annoyance, i had so much fun with her. Why i feel like this? Am I losing her? And i getting tired of her? I feel like crying.",1 "I have no intentions nor any plans (my plans have been laid years ago), but I know what IT feels like. For a few months, I've been living my best life and actually happy for what feels like the first time in in my life, but I still feel depressed and suicidal. WHY? Right now, I'm also anxious because I didn't expect to feel like this ever again... and know which choice I want to make. This particular experience is quite new to me, and I just don't understand what is going on. I don't even know if this is the right place to ask.",2 "Hello you beautiful people! So I have ADHD and I almost exclusively fall for people on the spectrum (I dunno why, but I really connect with them on another level than any other people). It has been difficult at times as our diagnoses sometimes clash , but mostly I get along with them quite well. So well, I guess my question is, do you guys relate? What do you think of people with ADHD? And also, what are some ways we can accommodate you?",3 "I'm tired, I know that's kinda the cliche of depression but fuck am I tired. My ability to care for myself is so low right now, but there's nobody willing to help. I've just been trudging along trying to keep my head above water for so long. Just trying to follow the motions, do what I'm supposed to, one step at a time right? But I'm fucking exhausted. I've neglected my health so bad that I'm terrified of losing my teeth, I've gained 30 lbs back after losing a bunch, my house is falling apart around me, my jaw is fucking killing me because I can't stop clenching it and grinding my teeth. I'm about to throw away half of my dishes because for the past 6 months I have been unable to fully wash them. They move from the sink to the counter and back. I rinse and soak but never have the energy to wash them. I want to smash them with a hammer tbh. I want to throw everything away, I want to throw myself away. Everyone else did, that sounds dramatic but fuck. I don't have friends, I don't have any friends. I have like.. old friends who I sometimes say *oh it's been so long!* But nobody has cared to keep up communications with me for the past two years, and I've been too exhausted to try and keep it going by myself. I lost two of my best friends within a year. They're not gone gone, but things are done. They aren't going back to normal ever again. Codepend and unhealthy relationships that end in a lot of pain both of them.. Nobody talks to me anymore, nobody messages me anymore, nobody plays games with me or even sends me fucking memes. My boyfriend is distant, he's there but he doesn't want to spend as much time physically with me as I need right now. He keeps saying he'll spend more time with me but then he's tired. And we he does come over he mostly just sleeps. But I feel like.. if I'm honest about how badly I need him he'll leave like everyone else does. Every time I'm honest about the hurt I carry inside people slowly leave. People can't handle it, and I fucking get it but why should I have to pretend to be happy all the time? If they can't handle it how do they think I feel? I've been fighting to heal the years of trauma from my childhood for almost 20 years now and it's just not fast enough for people. Aren't friends and loved ones supposed to be the people you can be honest with? My honest is too ugly tho. But, of course I'm not allowed to just stop being because that would hurt them somehow? I feel like I'm just.. begging for someone to notice that I need help and they just don't.",2 "I want to see if there are people who don't care about germs but the disgust of things that are dirty like in my case bodily waste. I need to clean and wash excessively to feel clean and if something dirty touches me or my stuff it just spreads contamination. Can anyone relate? I also try to come up with logical explanation like it is ok if I can only wash in limited time and not overdo it and that it is not so dirty. I am trying to understand the disgust behind dirtiness and how it triggers ocd behaviour. Anyone has any ideas?",1 I lost many pets in the past but having two of them bring put down at the same time is harder. They are old and sick and I feel like I’m fallen apart. My mother is doing what is best for the dogs and I get it. But I feel like because it’s two of them at once I’m close to maybe an meltdown in the next few days,3 "Hey, so if this breaks the rules feel free to delete it. But I read through them and I’m not drug seeking or asking for advice on how to talk to a doctor. I’m a 26M who was diagnosed with OCD at 12 years old. I have been anxiety meds before, and worked my way off of them using therapy. At this point I have been in therapy for a combined 10 years and I have made a lot of progress. In college I started to think I may have ADHD. I have looked at the list of symptoms and it’s like reading a description of my life. I went to see a psychiatrist and he told me that I could very well have ADHD, but that since my anxiety is was so bad that he could differentiate between the anxiety and ADHD. This was 4-5 years ago. I’m now working full time and still seeing my therapist. I have recently started to feel the strain of not being able to focus again. It is so difficult to stay on task except when I am in a panic mode. With my therapist’s blessing I am going to talk to another psychiatrist about getting diagnosed with ADHD. That’s not what I am writing about. As I made this decision I told a couple friends that I wanted to get diagnosed with ADHD and that a medication for ADHD might help me. Everyone’s reactions so far have been less than enthusiastic. I understand that people have preconceived notions about certain drugs, but I am only taking this step because I need help. Has anyone else experienced this kind of reactions from friends and family? Tl;dr: I am seeking out an ADHD diagnoses because I think medication could really improve my quality of life. Friends have reacted really strangely to me telling them this. Can anyone relate or know how to better handle these conversations?",0 "Just finished the fall semester of my college year and am feeling very lonely. I did all the ""right"" things to meet people. I chat before class, I joined clubs, I rushed a professional frat, I got a job, downloaded the dating apps. Still no friends. I just feel exhausted and hopeless ugh.",2 "First of all, this is not to shame anyone here who does this to cope, or without thinking, or whatever. It's just that mentions of depression, suicide, emotional abuse, and such and the like ARE what triggers me and send me back to the past. I'm sick of having conversations with friends and then they start telling me about how they (used to be) depressed or something abuse related that happened to them. I freeze up, my heart rate starts picking up, I'll feel sick, I want to leave, and then of course they expect me to say something like ""I'm so sorry that happened"" but there's a lump in my throat, all I want to do is run, but I don't know how to leave without it seeming suspicious. And i feel so guilty because they're hurting ans they're my friends and I can't even fucking say a fucking word and I'm making it all about ~ me ~ And my one closest friend knows, but I'm too scared to tell my newer friends. Because they'll reject me or judge me or expect me to open up or make it worse and fuck even if I don't, I don't wanna be vulnerable there's a mental fucking block making me unable to say anything. I can't do anything. I'm scared of there being a moment where I'll actually cry or legit have to leave with no explanation. Not to mention people who casually mention they're suicidal or were abused as a ""joke"" on a public server and send me straight back to the depths of hell, please. I know it's my PTSD's fault; I'm never angry at the person. But God if I don't end up blaming myself.",3 "Hi there! This might be a little long ! I was diagnosed with ptsd about ten years ago. I had an abusive relationship from 17-19 and then again from 19-21. First one beat me up several times for no reason really. And beat me up for the final time at my work, stalked me after that and 3 of my friends and also my dad . Drove by my house constantly with guns in the car . My dad had to sleep by the window in the living room with weapons all next to him. The second one was just as bad , beat me several times , raped me, and also strangled me. I don’t remember a lot of that night I kept blacking out . I honestly have been having a terrible time recently with my ptsd symptoms. I never had looked up the long term effects of strangulation. Maybe I was scared to or maybe never thought of it cuz I’ve been so preoccupied surviving my panic attacks and trying to manage addictions and alcoholism and eating disorders . Just trying to heal. I didn’t realize the severity of what happened to me. I honestly don’t know how many times I lost consciousness that night , I remember certain things . I had bloodshot eyes and cuts on my neck and two black eyes , bruises all over , a cut on my leg . I just am looking for anyone who can relate to this , and what are your long term symptoms ? I’m very sad . Very very sad . I have a bf now who is honestly the best relationship I’ve ever had but in order for me to be with him fully and for us to move foreword I need more healing . Like do I have brain damage ? Am I going to be ok? Wtf. 😪😪😪 I would just love some feedback",3 "Like many people here, I am sensitive to excess heat. But during covid, I have to wash my hands a lot. Every time, I turn on just the cold tap, and get painfully hot water. Because the person before me wanted hot. So I have to wait, and waste both time and water. In the good old days, if you wanted hot water you used the hot tap. Simple. For the first few seconds the hot water was merely warm, in case that is what you wanted. And if you wanted a large amount of warm water, sinks came with a wonderful invention called a plug: so you could measure the precise amount of hot and cold. No water was wasted! But then somebody invented the idea of wasting water, and the side effect was to burn people with sensitive skin. And I constantly hear people say that mixer taps are a good thing. This is number 128 in reasons why I think the world is mad.",3 "Hey everyone, just wanted to run with you a classic ""does anyone else"" with y'all and see if you got some experiences or coping mechanisms for this. When I see people having a good time in society, like being seated in a group at a bar, or restaurant, or hanging outside, I am filled with extreme envy of their life. But here's the trick : I don't want to be invited to a group hangout, or a party, or a bar, or any night out... because it would be missing the crucial part : I want to be invited... AND be able to enjoy it. If I were invited to such an event, and based on previous experiences, I would feel horrible. Not only because of the various sensory overloads, but I would also hate myself for not being able to enjoy it like all of the other people around me. Does anyone else feel this very specific, frustrating feeling of ""I wish I liked it"" when seeing happy people hanging together ?",3 "For some reason every time I’m sleep deprived or don’t sleep well for a few days, I don’t overthink anything socially. Sure, my intellect may be short term impaired, but not by much. Just a slight difference in processing speed. Recently, I’ve been catching up on sleep and have had the worst anxiety I ever have working in an office setting. Normally I do fine but lately it’s just been hell. I have no reason to feel this way. I work with good people, the work is easy, and it pays decent. But every. Single. Day. After I eat lunch.... my anxiety SPIKES and I can barely talk, walking slowly, I look like a freak. Mornings I’m always fine. I don’t know what to do. I’ve worked in jobs before where I flourished, namely working from home (LOVED IT) and in a grocery store. I did well in both of those environments. For some reason office settings make me so depressed and anxious. The small talk, the forced socialization, the dumbing down of my processing speed to fit in with the typical middle aged women who just gossip and complain. It’s fucking annoying. I wouldn’t even consider it masking on my end. I have great social skills, can fit in with anybody, and don’t struggle to make small talk. Is it just the fact that I feel like a prisoner while I’m in an office? Maybe it’s my body telling me it’s not a good fit? I know many NT’s who can’t function in an office either so I don’t think it’s just me... Am I crazy?",3 "Dogs bark at me a lot. Especially smaller dogs. They don't seem to bark at other people as much as they bark at me. I'm not sure, but it definitely feels like they bark at me a lot. And it makes me feel like an outcast whenever it happens because I know they're seeing something about me that doesn't check out all the right boxes with them. There I am trying to enjoy a walk and some b\*astard will stop in its track to specifically bark at me and it happens every time. Honestly I wish I could put it in its place but I know that will alienate the owner and I have no beef with the owner. BUT FUCK!",3 "For me it was baking and wanting to really make a career out of it but then OCD came in and told me I was going to accidentally make someone sick with my baking. Also I used to hate driving on the highway but because I have driving OCD I refuse to drive in a residential area unless I absolutely have to so now the highway is my best friend.",1 "Tonight I was playing futsal; sometimes we play mixed teams with our fathers for fun, and tonight it was one of these days, therefore our age range was 18 - 65. During the last 5 minutes, one of ours, age around 55 collapses to the ground. My mind sparks, it's a heart attack, I've read about how to recognize it and how to give basic life support during one of those nights spent reading ""useless"" information. Everyone starts to panick, but somehow our brain works better during stress situation, so I'm able to pick a couple people and show them how to give a cardiac massage. I make them start, in the meantime I call 118 in order to ""quietly"" explain the situation. And they explain me how to use the defibrillator. I hope it will never happen to anyone of you, but just in case, the fact that our brain can be so lucid during stressful/panic situations can be helpful. In the end, once the ambulance arrived, we already discharged the defibrillator twice, the nurses gave him a couple of injections, and after roughly 5 minutes he was awake and (barely) talking. Still, among almost everyone panicking, I've been able to do something to save a life.",0 "I spent time with family. I got into gardening and felt good about life. My mental health improved. For the first time I felt hopeful for the future. I was happy, upbeat, joking, focused. Folks complained about being in lockdown and I honestly was ok. Being brought back to reality, my depression has returned. I can’t pretend I’m a normal human anymore, because I’m reminded with every interaction I’m a freak. I’ve been deemed fit for work and am being forced to look for employment, despite suffering with Agoraphobia. My work coach who I thought was a good person, is actually a narcissist and is now condescending towards me. I told them I had a breakdown about getting a job interview [I broke out laughing and crying, hitting myself] and was ignored. I requested a new work coach and was denied. I spoke to two doctors about my breakdown and they just had a ‘get on with it’ mentality. I get told being diagnosed with Aspergers won’t change anything. I had to look into Wellbeing myself because they wouldn’t refer me to anything. I’ve had to have my anxiety medication upped because I’m not coping. I feel like giving up on life. I struggle to find the effort to garden or do much of anything anymore. The only thing keeping me going are my parents, because it would destroy them if anything happened to me. I wish there was a job I could do but I’ve nearly given up hope, because something has always gone wrong. I’m never good enough or work to the level the employer wants and I eventually get let go. The last time I was in employment, I wasn’t treated as part of the team. They didn’t even give me a uniform and would leave me alone all the time to speak amongst themselves. They brought in someone to replace me and I had to work with them while they set up the pretense of my cover role being for hire. The icing on the cake, they invited the new girl to a Christmas party and not me. They also invited the guy who left two weeks ago to the Christmas party as well. I was never given an invite, I had to hear it from the others. I wish I could get by on volunteering, because the stress and expectation is so much less, but of course it would be. They’re not paying you. I wish I could work with animals, but those roles are rarely ever available. I wish I could feel the way I did during lockdown. My soul feels like it’s dying and I’m so tired I just want to sleep. What do I do?",3 "I can't sleep. I'm a child, 17 years old. I am so weak. My parents do everything for me. When I take too long in the shower, they knock. When I take too long to get ready in the morning they complain about me being a lazy ass. I am so done with life. I have no real accomplishments so far. I stayed indoors for the majority of my life because I'm weak and too stupid to connect with others. Too lazy to understand what's going on around me. Its funny, I happen to be a co-president of a club, but wanna know why, its because my sister(the real president) created the club and gave me the position out of pity because she knows otherwise I won't get far in the college admissions process. I'm so unmotivated to work on my college apps so my dad is doing most of the grunt work, as a result he despises me. Who could blame him, having a weak and unintelligent son. FUCK ME! FUCK CONCIOUSNESS! FUCK THIS LIFE! Doesn't help that I'm an atheist....",2 "I just had a bit of an episode where I kept having intrusive thoughts and I recognised that they were just mental images but I had physical reactions where I’d flinch or run away from a spot in the room or spit out whatever I imagined was in my mouth. The whole time I knew that it was not real and I didn’t see anything outside of the mental pictures that looked real but I couldn’t bring myself out of it and ended up staring at myself in the mirror until I could convince myself that it was okay to move. I researched vivid intrusive thoughts and physical sensations and I do have a fairly strong imagination, so I wondered if it could be possible that I’m experiencing non-visual hallucinations or some other sensory interference related to intrusive thoughts and obsessions. Has anyone else had a similar experience?",1 Anyone else feel fairly good in the daytime and bam - right as the sun is starting to set your brain and ocd go crazy and torment you till like 3 am? I guess my brain decides that’s when the intrusive thought flood gates are allowed to open and my ability rationalize leaves the chat.,1 "aside from my intense fear of missing out that social media graciously feeds into, there’s something about having to manage a social app like insta that just… i can’t think of instagram as anything but a chore. ive tried and i just can’t. other socials? pretty fine with it. but not insta keeping up with followers? seeing your old “friends” from high school and wanting to prove to them that you got better? i wish my mind didn’t default to that and just had *fun* but here we are and this only got worse with quarantine and having to practically rely on it for not just “fun” communication but group projects, etc. it was like i could never escape the highlight reel social world unless i just decided to not do anything anymore and rot ive ghosted people countless times because i genuinely just couldn’t. people who’ve liked me as a potential friend. as a potential partner… people who i liked back yet every time i open instagram specifically i wanna curl up and d*e. i cant even bring myself to open it long enough to better curate my feed in hopes of that helping. its getting really bad and idk what to do sometimes i go on there i scroll with this morbid fear than i’m gonna see something i don’t want to: my ex, a cute post from someone i should probably check in with, a msg from someone saying they miss me and/or asking to hang out… and other times, it’s not even that fear. i just genuinely would rather be doing anything else and being on there makes me so anxious i get indigestion and just wanna throw up /srs it feels like these days its all i can do to keep up with college, listen to podcasts at 1.5 speed bc i cant do it any slower anymore, and stay in contact with the *last* close friend i have meanwhile, so many others my age are generally doing things i’d love to do if only i had the social battery/ attention span/ *mental capacity* etc maybe it’s a focus thing? or maybe it really is a fear missing out? worsened social anxiety? and why do i have such an emotional and bodily response to this? despite emotional dystrgulation’s more common presentations, i don’t usually have heightened emotion but lack thereof. but this time i do? and it’s because of instagram? what gives :/ i think that’s why im making this post. is this maybe more adhd specific than i’m realizing? does anyone else have experience with this? sorry for the length.",0 "How do NT's aquire a new job so easily? I'm thinking it has to do mainly with a broad social network that we don't have - along with the reading of those verbal and non verbal cues during a formal interview that mostly elude us...",3 "So. This is just a bit of a ramble but I am just full of emotions about this situation ranging from disbelief, anger, disappointment, and even joy. TW for discussions of self harm, ED, and non graphic mentions of suicide. I was adopted at age 3 to a middle age, middle class suburban couple who had issues conceiving. I had been taken from my birth mother because she was on drugs, prostitution, stealing shit etc. She also allegedly had BPD. I strongly believe that knowledge affected my misdiagnoses when I sought psychiatric assistance. In elementary school I was great on every single test. I was an advanced reader. I was reading Harry Potter in 2nd grade. I loved the spelling bee, I loved writing. I was great at school. Well. Some of it. I happened to be very invested in 'educational' things as a kid like history, natural disasters, science. I loved learning about the world around me and devoured books within hours. I would read so much that I did it during certain classes that 'were boring' (as in: it didn't hold my attention more than what was in the book I had.) I never did homework until the minute before it was due. I whizzed through tests and was always finished first so I could spend the rest of class reading my books. I didn't really have many friends. I was completely content with immersing myself in various books, TV, and family functions. I tuned out the kinds of lessons where the teacher would basically read from the textbook on a projector because *I had already read the entire passage before the teacher finished speaking.* I would frequently daydream, stare out the window, doodle, and write silly little stories. These were not disruptive to the class so it went completely under the radar. Compound that with my test proficiency and bam. Nobody ever sniffed me out. Come middle school is when problems begin to arise. I discover the internet, and other people. I experience bullying, friend drama, and puberty. The demands of school change. More work. And my ability to cope with it has diminished. My interests expand towards non educational subjects, like video games, cosplay, hanging out with people, sexual discoveries. I develop depression and self esteem issues. Suddenly it mattered what I wore and who I talked to. This is normal for most, but affected me very strongly. I suffer imposter syndrome. I do 'good' academically but everything starts feeling impossible. I always felt like I was barely scraping by to get things done. I feel like I am trying to juggle everything with one hand while everyone else has 2 hands. My mother and I's relationship starts deteriorating. She didn't understand why I was miserable. She has that 'life is all about choices, make the right choice, pick yourself up and dust yourself off and everything will be fine, everything happens for a reason' type of outlook. She says I always half assed chores at home. Complained if I asked for help when I couldn't find something that was right in front of me, or if I forgot things. I get diagnosed with depression at age 12. Start seeing a therapist. I didn't know she was incompetent because I was 12. Her advice is always to 'just do what your mom says. Why is walking the dog so hard to remember? Are you trying to rebel against her for some reason?' I get meds. Prozac. Makes me numb and I gain weight. Cue more depression based body image problems. I go to high school. I feel out of my element. I start skipping the first period of school to watch YouTube on my computer in the bathroom and sign in at 2nd period so I don't get marked absent. I still do good on tests. I calculate how much work I need to do to pass and am able to scrape by while giving myself 'breaks' (not handing in low impact work.) When I am 14 I experience a severely traumatic event while I am overseas on a trip. I have my first attempt on my life and get sent to a mental hospital for the first of many times. I get diagnosed with Borderline at age 16, which is ridiculous. That should never be diagnosed to an adolescent because teen behavior mimics certain BPD symptoms so that's why you have to be an adult to be diagnosed. ""You have so much potential. You just need to apply yourself."" I hear this over and over at my guidance counselor's office. From my parents. My teachers. Everyone in authority sees me struggling and pins it on my own personal shortcomings instead of looking deeper. I am a child. I do not know they are wrong. I internalize these words. I discover pot and alcohol. This numbs me from emotional pain that I did not otherwise have the ability to cope with. Now I get slapped with addiction tendencies in addition to BPD, depression, PTSD, and generalized anxiety. I start having behavioral problems at school, home, and work. I am always angry and overwhelmed. I feel like I am drowning in the depths of all these things and everyone is telling me the water doesn't exist. There is a lot more but let's fast forward a little. I am 22. I went through a lot of psychiatric treatments that were largely ineffective. A new psych drops my BPD misdiagnosis. I am still left with severe persistent depression, panic disorder, and PTSD. I tried enough meds that didn't work that I eventually get approved for transcranial magnetic stimulation to treat my persistent depression. When that doesn't work, I feel as though I lost all hope. December of 2020 I am approved for electroconvulsive therapy after a severe suicide attempt. I go through 13 rounds of this treatment to no avail. It leaves me with crippling memory loss and lower ability to retain new memories. You can read a little more about that in my profile. I become homeless. I live in my car for several months away from my narcissistic mother. This weird new freedom and a sense of 'fuck it, I have survived rock bottom, it can't get worse than this' allows me to focus on myself. I demand a new psychiatrist- a female instead of male- and a full length evaluation as my last one had been in 2018. This new psychiatrist is absolutely amazing. I tell her everything I told yall in this post plus more, and she says the magic words: ""It seems pretty clear to me that you have inattentive ADHD."" My mind is blown. My depression symptoms basically erased ADHD as a possibility in my brain, and in the brains of everyone else who ever treated me. After all I did good in school! I didn't act out 'that bad', I wasn't running around like a nut in the middle of things. My fidgeting and racing brain was chalked up to anxiety. She explained to me that in women, symptoms are often missed or attributed to other disorders. And while I absolutely had some of those other disorders, a lot of my suffering could have been treated if someone caught on earlier this missing link. She said that the overlap between depression, anxiety, trauma and good old fashioned misogyny contributed to the under-diagnosing of inattentive ADHD especially in women. I said ""Well... What now?"" So here I am. 2 months medicated with Adderall and a therapist who has experience with everything I struggle with. Guess what? Being able to complete a desired task reduces my depression and anxiety. Slowing down my racing thoughts reduces those things too. Tackling daily activities like showering, laundry, and eating are now not things that make me want to rip my hair out. I can go to work and do my job without bouncing from task to task like a headless chicken. I just am awestruck. 10 years it took for psychiatry to get to the bottom of me. I am full of hope for my future, and full of grief for the past me who spent so long in pain, not knowing why. Just needed to rant about my story a little. Thank you for reading.",0 "So, I'm a 25-y-o male. I've been to therapy for 2 years and a half because of depression and anxiety, I've been on medication for them for 2 years as well (given by my psychiatrist). I've been realising recently that I might be on the spectrum - I thought that my therapist herself was leaving me hints -, took a couple of online tests, been reading articles and the ""Complete guide to Asperger's Syndrome"" by T. Attwood, and indeed I can relate to most of the 'symptoms'. They would really explain a lot of my life struggles (always been solitary, way too quiet, easily overwhelmed by social situations, not good at interactions, really struggling to find my path in adult life, and so on...). Even my mom and sister agree that I present many many traits. Today though my therapist told me that she's never left hints about autism. She then went on comparing another case she had a few years ago of an Aspie boy, telling me that Aspies don't mask, that they are not emotionally conscious, and so on... I feel like she has an outdated view on this. I understand also that I might be biased to find an ""easier"" explanation to avoid diving deeper in other traumas or whatever, but I can't really see it that way. Either way she's going to give me some more material (questionnaires, etc) to maybe make a diagnosis. I'll also talk with my psychiatrist about my hypothesis.",3 "This is my literal first post on reddit. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel lonely and trapped in life. My mental state wasn't ever something you could call ""good"". I'm extremely neurotic by default. I've experienced bullying at school, unemployment and dropped out of college due to isolating myself for half a year ages before the pandemic. Last year I moved to another city all excited and wanting to be the best version of myself and all that other bs. Unfortunately meanhwile my country (Poland) decided to turn into some weird ass catholic-fascist regime that wants to leave the EU. I don't know how many of you are aware of the situation in Poland, but trust me when I say it is pure madness. The ruling party is either clinically insane or is just acting that way but it's really bad nonetheless. Literal fascists are marching happily through the capital with the blessing of the ruling party, women die because of the anti-human abortion law, the pandemic is killing thousands because the ruling party doesn't want to make the anti-vaxxers angry and all these poor people stuck on the Belarus-Polish border... and don't even get me started on how much money the party stole from us. We'll be a Russian puppet state in a blink of an eye at this rate. And the ruling party treats us all like complete idiots telling in their tv propaganda that everything is awesome. I can't deal with this. I don't know how I can deal with this. I can't just ""not watch the news and don't care"" because I DO care. But I can't do much about it. For the last year I've had panic attacks and insomnia just trying to figure out ""WHAT'S NEXT?"". I want to get out of here so badly, but I really don't know how. What's even worse, my partner left work all of a sudden. We were working together in a small company and he left to a literal big corporation. This shook my world somehow though I can't really explain why. I guess I'm just jealous. We had many fights over this and my relationship is now hanging on a string because I'm a terrible person. But he made me take a week off work just because he had some free time. I actually believed everyone who told me that some time off would be good for me, but nope. I didn't rest at all. I think I lost that ability. If anything it made me more anxious. He keeps telling me my reactions aren't normal, that I'm probably depressed and need medication. I agree to some point, but I still have reservations against meds. I've took antidepressants before when I was in a much worse point in life and I have a pretty good experience with them, but... But. I don't feel like it's an ""illness"" because I've felt worthless, pessimistic and self-hatred my whole life. I literally don't know what would I become if all this is taken away from me. I've came across reaserch that medication cuts neurotism by x7 times and raises extraversion... so if I'm a neurotic introvert it will definetely tamper with my personality. I don't like that idea. Therapy is out of question, because I can't possibly afford it and I tried so many times and always failed miserably. Also I feel like being happy would somehow legitimate the ruling party's regime. With all this bad stuff going on I feel like feeling bad about it is the least I could do. The problem is there is so much... I'm overstimulated. And exhausted. I've never felt so exhausted in my life. I don't know what to do. Also, you must know that I'm an unwanted child. I've been told very clearly that my mom would've gotten an abortion if my grandma and my dad didn't ""stop her"". I have no idea what went down there, it's not impossible that there was some abuse going on... How can I feel about this? How can I even think that I could lead a happy life? I think it would be unfair to my mom who suffered so much just because I had to exist... I don't know... I've had suicidal thoughts for a long time now, I think that just dissapearing would solve literally everything and everyone would be glad when I'm gone. The thing is I'm too much of a coward. I don't know what to do... I think I'm destined to have a life full of misery and pain. I think like taking meds would somehow cheat this destiny. I hate life. I hate myself. And I hate Poland as it is. I see no way out of this hellhole.",2 I take sleep meds to help with ptsd. But it seems like ptsd sometimes sneaks it’s way into my dreams. Should I change meds? I can’t increase it because they make me tired during the day with the full dose.,3 "Do you Aspies also have the inability to process papers, or pages anywhere when things are writen in a bad way. For example when titles are inconsistent on the papers, I see the title as different from the text and I try to calculate how the title seems to affect the text and get confused, I can see how the title is just badly written but my brai won’t allow me to compile and store the document and even test it after because its mot all consistent. It is like I have this need to make everything consistent with eachother and when you are like that, you start to notice that the way most things are written are extremely inconsistent and so it is harder to process. My brain is incredibly good and I’m incredibly innovative and logical But most schools write their tests and lessons in such odd ways which makes it so odd to concentrate on. I have to keep changing the variables of items in my head and sure the way the write it is true but it’s inconsistent. I always assign items to either a variable or a function or a fact. Is it just OCD, or more? Per your opinion. Do you have this too?",3 When I post a (looping) gif to Messenger I get kinda stuck watching it going round and round to the point I end up deleting it from chat my end because I get tired of it. Do you get like this with looping things? I can also sometimes get certain lines from a film/show stuck in my head when I'm doing something that doesn't require full attention.,3 " Hello, I'm a 25 yo male. I've had several interactions or listened to several people talk about their struggle with ADHD but I never quite understood how it really feels like to have it. However, I've started looking indepth towards myself and I relized certain behaviours in myself that could be ADHD behavior. Basicly In school I was never able to focus on what the teacher was saying for more than 5 min and as soon as I miss certain points the whole lecture is impossible to keep up with. I was only able to make it through school thanks to memorizing. I was never able to sit down and read a whole book, like no matter how intressting the book is to me, I always read like 40 pages in one sitting (speed reading not really reading word for word) and as soon as I put the book down I never open it again or find the motivation to do so. I struggled keeping a job, I get motivated the first days and then after a week or two I lose all intresst in going to that job and my mind will just convince me into doing something else instead. I dropped out of my master degree although I only had to submit one thesis (didn't matter how bad it was) But I couldn't. I was somehow unable to read any material concerning the topic I was working on ( literature ) and I find myself watching debate videos about relegion and such, instead. My mind would just shutdown when ever the thought of typing that thesis will come up. I guess the most daming thing about it was the fact that I had to follow a certain strict structure of writing. Like I didn't have the freedom to just write what I found or what I concluded but I had to follow this format to the point. This drove me crazy untill I droped after 2 years of attempting to do it. I also spend my whole day infront of a computer ever since I was 12 or 13. I just find it suiting and comforting for me because I can do multiple things at once and have many stimulating things going on at the same time. The reason I'm writing here is to know if people with adhd had similar issues, and also because I live in a 3rd world country where psychologists are very incompetent and money hungry, as no one really goes to them unless they are batshit-crazy. So it's really hard for me to casually ask for a psychologist concerning something like this. Sorry for the long text.",0 "I've been constantly dealing with intrusive thoughts all my life and while it's been hard, it has been at least manageable at the beginning. At some point a few years ago I had this idea implanted in my mind that if I don't act on these thoughts, they'll never go away. And I can't convince myself otherwise. I've sometimes done really stupid things just so I can stop thinking about it, since I'd rather just deal with the consequences. At first it was the usual urge to do something stupid in public. But now I'm thinking about things that can actually cause harm to myself and others. I'm worried it'll just keep getting worse. I feel like I'm constantly making the choice between whether I want to put up with the anxiety or just dealing with the consequences of my actions.",1 " Hello, everyone, I’m Sami I’m 29 years old, and I think I have ADHD. I've lived my whole life thinking that I'm just lazy, careless, or even unresponsible and lately I've been introduced to a youtube channel that talked about ADHD and it really made sense to me, and that is why I thought about seeking help. In school I was always the spacey kid that couldn’t focus in class which made me have a lot of problems with teachers, my grades were not bad by any chance because I always liked to read and study on my own instead of listening to the teacher I couldn't focus in class. as much as I tried I was often taken away by a new idea or an interesting memory or whatever my brain would like to think about at that moment. in my adult life in college or work, I just can’t start working on something early on and I find it really difficult to start a new task, especially if I didn't want to do it I always end up postponing it till the last minute where the time I have left is barely enough to finish it or if I got reprimanded by my managers for being late with the delivery. every time I try and sit to do a task that is due two weeks later, I always find myself starting to get distracted a lot, and tasks that should take me 10 min end up taking hours to finish. more to the point of adulthood life during meetings, I tend to lose focus and ask my colleagues what happened in the meeting afterward because I was thinking of stuff I would like to do later or an amazing idea for a book or a youtube channel. I always have new very interesting ideas which is an amazing thing to have when you work in marketing but usually, I lose interest in my idea that I loved a week ago very quickly which is frustrating when you’re trying to finish a long-term campaign. the last reason I think I have ADHD is impulsiveness. Sometimes I get this urge to do something that I can’t stop myself from doing even if I know it is bad for me. This behavior created a money problem for me because sometimes I get the same urge to buy stuff that I might never use like I have 100+ games in my game library that I never play but I still get this need to buy more whenever I get that feeling, or I might just be bad with the money I don’t know. I’m really confused and lost because here in the middle east we don’t know a lot about ADHD or how to diagnose it and on the other hand I’m really scared of getting tested and turns out that I’m just lazy or careless or another one of the many things I’ve been called all my life, did you get that feeling too or is it just me?",0 "Hoping to hunker down and do an intensive inpatient this year or next. Any suggestions for programs? I know McLean is great but as it stands, they won’t even let you go out to Starbucks or on the grounds due to Covid. I’d be miserable locked inside for two months again.",1 "Hello everyone, I was newly diagnosed with AS, I'm 22, which might be a bit late, but mental care and awareness is non-existent in my country. A ton of things started making sense, but I wanted to ask about a few things, especially with sensory problems. Sometimes I feel like everything around me isn't real or like I'm looking at everything around me through a TV or a videogame, it's difficult to explain. Is this normal? Does it have something to do with AS? I'm clueless. It happens more often in crowded places, but not necessarily. Also, with sound, I do hate non-uniform sounds especially sounds coming from multiple directions. Crows of people talking from multiple directions always makes me extremely uncomfortable, I don't know what's wrong, I feel like there's something wrong, something making me uncomfortable and overwhelmed in my chest, I feel like I need to get away from there, I can't focus, I can't rest, i feel the fabric of my clothes more intensely. My friends pointed out that I stare and stop blinking too at that point and I don't speak at all. Is this what sensory overload is? Or is this just social anxiety? I can't tell. A close friend pointed out to me that I might be experiencing that, but I can't tell. Thanks.",3 So I got diagnosed with severe ADHD inattentive and hyperactive last month. They tested for depression and anxiety and the results were that I had those too. The therapists said its a common diagnosis and should not be worried. He said that anxiety and depression are caused by Adhd and that treating the cause (adhd) will eliminate both. I have an upcoming appointment with the head of the medical center for medication on november. After the diagnosis I started to notice the depression and anxiety more. I also had panic attack the previous year. But I was under so much pressure and stress I just brushed it aside. During these days I wonder of the medication which most prolly be adderall or ritalin will work. I read so many stories of getting amazing results for 2 weeeks and then back to square one. Can someone share there success story with the medication. Especially long term. I always get used to medicines and get tolerance really quickly. Is there any hope. I’ve heard that dr. richard berkely stating that ADHD is the most treatable disorder in psychiatry and its the diabetics of psych. Please post your stories of managing your adhd with medication longterm. That would be a great relief for me. I can answer more questions if more details are necessary.,0 "I’ve noticed this before, but it’s been particularly bad today. whenever something good happens to me that I’ve been worried about for a while- especially when it’s something my OCD has focused on- my anxiety and dread almost gets ten times worse. Something I’d been hoping for for a while happened today and I thought I’d be happy, but now I’ve just felt tense and worried about what I’ll do next- I wonder if part of it is my mind not knowing what to fixate on now. Does anyone else experience this?",1 "Hi everyone, first time posting after lurking for quite a while. I’ve been trying to get a diagnosis for 7+ months now without much happening. Got on call with my family doctor, went over all the symptoms, had my mom fill out a checklist of symptoms. Turns out that the paper my mom filled out resulted in a no (I was very surprised) and now I have to get referred to a psychiatrist. How long is that going to take?? I know it’s good that I’m even getting a diagnosis but I’m falling behind so much quicker than I used to. I’ve stopped going to my morning classes so I have enough motivation for my afternoon class that I want to be able to pay attention in. Now that’s also falling apart even though I consider it my favorite class. Also, doctor brought up me possibly being on the autism spectrum, but i have to wait two years or pay $3000+ to be seen by a psychiatrist. Great. I’m so tired of my emotions knocking out my ability to work for days and knowing what to tell people when it happens. Reading everyone’s stories has really helped validate my own experiences during this time, adhd or not. Thanks :,)",0 "Anyone get their interests side lined by the fact that they have autism? Since childhood my interests have always been put down by others as 'stereotypical' because of AS rather than accepting that those interests are just part of who I am and that I'm genuinely interested in them, with or without AS. I'm really interested in astronomy and Space but also had this said when I was younger and my first interest was Titanic, I was obsessed and still kind of am. Thought it would be nice to comfortably share our special interests here and let others know our favourite parts about our interests even if they are 'stereotypical' ASD interests. Infodump away!",3 "There's an r/askreddit I saw about nonsexual intimacy, and in there someone posted about their grandpa and grandma. The grandpa got parkinsons or something and had to be taken care of by grandma & caregivers. He needed help with everything, even wiping his own ass. And you know what? She did it, as much as she could and then even more. Because she loved him. I feel like this is selfish, to think about everything about myself. I can't help it. Anyway, it made me think about just how little help I've had throughout my life. I've been hospitalized multiple times because of my ADHD and comorbid depression / anxiety / suicidal thoughts, and yet no one believes me when I say that I am struggling. When I say that my executive dysfunction makes (most) things literally impossible to accomplish. Yet when I drop out of school 3 times, college twice, can't even make myself show up to any job interview, can't schedule appointments with psychiatrists, or really do fucking anything that would even slightly improve my life, I'm the bad guy. I'm a *failure*. I make my mom suicidal, God does she ever hold that over my head. There's nothing wrong with *me* that I might need assistance, no, I'm choosing to hurt EVERYONE. Nothing has ever improved for me through my own fruition. My current therapist, I'm seeing because a friend of mine literally didn't let me leave when we were hanging out until I called them. Every time I hang out with people, they invite me out. I can't do anything myself. It sucks so much. Even when I actually **have** adderall or focalin or wellbutrin, I find myself obsessing over the idea of taking the medicine, staring at the bottle, and just, not taking it. I hate the feeling of pills. I hate the heart palpitations from adderall. I just. I fucking hate being alive and every waking second that I have I wish that I had just never been born, it's not as though it would have actually made a difference in anyone's life. Honestly every single person that I know would be happier without me.",0 "I'm a 24 year old male and I've been diagnosed with ADHD-PI (or ADD back then) in 2018. The amount of positive covid cases per day are rising strongly in the Netherlands and there's being ""leaked"" that another lockdown will be announced tomorrow. My experience with the last lockdown was terrible. Every day of the week feeling as the same day and nothing spontaneous happens, which resulted in having a very bad concentration, tiredness and just feeling down. Since march this year I've been busy with my graduation project (which I should have finished in august btw...) and my overall progress is quite slow. My teachers have been very supportive, but they also can do only so much to help me. Before my graduation I already had a study delay of a year and because of that, all my classmates have graduated (and because of me being me, I don't have contact with any of them anymore). The last two months felt great to me. The lockdown was pretty much non-existent and during this time I made the most progress for my project. Besides, doing things with my friends (other than gaming) really put me in a great mood. Because of all the recent news about covid and the (very likely) coming lockdown, I can feel my concentration and mood already getting worse. I really don't want to go through the same sh\*t as last time...",0 "My adhd made school a huge struggle for me. I was overwhelmed with taking so many classes at once, found it impossible to concentrate in class because I felt everyone was staring and judging me, unable to work up the motivation to study despite knowing I really had to, and fear of getting screamed at by my parents for getting low grades. So, needless to say, I was a D grade student. Anyway, I’ve been out of school fo more than 5 years now but I still can’t get over how stupid I feel for not getting good ones. My sisters all got great grades, and it makes me so jealous. I can’t stand hearing my mom call someone smart because they got good grades in school. It just makes me feel so stupid. Like my mind is mentally deficient. The worst part is that I hyper focus on this feeling. I just don’t know how to shake it.",0 "So, Ive been struggling w sociopath intrusive thoughts? Like, where I think I might actually be a sociopath and maybe I'm just manipulative and conniving and it really bothers me. I'm not really sure how to help with this thought or any of the other intrusive thoughts I get so I'm wondering if maybe someone with more experience can help me out",1 If anyone wants to DM right now please do because I kinda need it,3 Were you ever afraid as a kid that your parents hate you? I know I did. And that just came true tonight. I finally know the truth that my parents hate me. Why is it such a freeing feeling? Knowing an unshakable truth?,2 " So I have exams in a few days, it's been really hard to focus but I've managed it so far. Lately, I just can not try to study without having extreme thought spirals that would often lead to full panic. I have to sit down, breathe and watch a cooking video to calm myself (it's very effective). After I've calmed down, I try to go back to studying but all the thoughts come back again stronger than they were. And now I think I'm probably just using this as an excuse to not study. Does anyone have a way to control this? I have so little time so I can't afford to do time consuming methods, I just need that to stop for now and I'll deal with it after my exams.",1 "Hi. Im 25y old male and recently diagnosed with ADHD hyperactivity disorder. Today me and my small family celebrated halloween. Everytime this kind of event comes i am super buzzkiller. Doesnt matter if its christmas or someones birthday or even my birthday. I find it really hard to just have fun with my closest loved ones around me. I want to be fun and i hope everybody has a good time but i always feel like im just not good/fun around people. I try to stay positive but its super hard. Its really hard to just chill and be loosen up. Today we all wanted to have a dance party and i was totally up for that but when everybody started dancing i just couldn't get myself to dance and have fun. In my lifetime i have always been this way and i don't want to be anymore. Im hurting people around me. So they stopped dancing and asked me ""what's wrong?"" ""Why wont you dance with us?"" Honestly i don't know. I want to have fun i want that my family sees that i care about them so much but its really hard for me when i see everybody else have fun besides me and then i shut off and dissapear. As a child i was neglected. My mom worked very late every single day. Went to work at 7am and came back around 22pm. I was basically all alone every single day. I had a stepfather who always sat quietly and watced tv and drank bottle of vodka every night. He wasn't abusive. My sister was out every night with her friends and sometimes gone for weeks even. My mom bought a pc and then i started playing video games when i was around 9-10 and most of my childhood was at the pc. Later when i was 14 i started going out more and got friends but also started drinking alot of alcohol every day. I was messed up. We got kicked out several times from appartments after my mom and my stepfather seperated. My mom didnt go to work anymore and while home she event didn't care what i did and how i was doing in school. She only sat at the computer all day talking online with men. I feel like most of my life i have building up this outer shell that no one cant get thru amd now i feel like i dont even know who i am. I used to be very fun child. Full of energy wanted to play and learn and be with others. But now i feel like i do the exact same thing with my own family, neglecting them. I feel like im some sort of psycho or something that i cant fully express my feelings or even dance when the fucking music is banging. I just sit silently and watch others having fun. But eventually they see me not having fun and make them feel bad. I really don't wan't to be this way anymore...",0 "I’ve been in therapy for an emotional trauma that led to me losing my religious beliefs last summer. I’ve been in therapy for nearly a year. Yet, it still hurts as much as it did the day everything happened. Just last night, I had a nightmare where I confronted the person who hurt me (the person that was the catalyst for this loss). It did not end very well. I woke up feeling like it was once again last year, and it took some time for me to realize that it was not last year. I feel like coping mechanisms do not work for me, and I’m in touch with my therapist about things. I feel as if the events of what happened are played on a feedback loop, and every coping mechanism is just a distraction. I don’t feel as if anything is meaningful, or bringing joy into my life. I can’t go back and listen to some of my favorite music because it’s associated with that period of time. Certain pictures will reduce me to tears. I know that people say that healing is possible, but I don’t know if I see it. I feel like I truly lost everything that kept me going. I’m trying to find new ways of meaning, and I was in a partial mental health hospitalization last November. The partial hospitalization helped, but I still wish I could get over this so I can live my life. If you’ve read this far, thank you for letting me vent and for listening.",3 I was first diagnosed with ADHD 10+ years ago. I started to ween off my medication two years ago (right before the pandemic hit) in an effort to try to live without the medication. Then the pandemic hit and I have been working from home since. Lately I have had trouble focusing and was considering going back to the medication. Any thoughts on how to go about this discussion with my doctor?,0 "So, I have a pretty bad misophonia overlap with my other sensory issues. The sounds of people chewing make me want to throw my head through a window, like, Rip it off and toss it as hard as I can sort of throw it. To try and cope I've been avoiding people eating whenever I can during the day, like eating breakfast before everyone or leaving when someone starts cooking. Family dinners, however, are absolutely unavoidable. I've been really fidgety and stim a lot to try and deal with the sounds of it in the past, but I guess my parents really didn't like me tapping on the table or shaking my leg. My mom jokingly suggested that maybe I should get a fidget spinner after our conversation with my grandparents about the autistic kid they're taking care of. (I'm self-diagnosed after a LOT of research and going back and forth, please don't judge based on that.) She meant it as a joke, but I took her seriously cause I didn't realize that at first. I've been trying to use the quieter fidgets on the cube but it seems like the only one that drives that god-awful sound of my mom chewing (she's the worst trigger, her mouth makes so much saliva that dentists have commented on it) but it's really upsetting to my family apparently. Last night my dad sat me down and had a 'conversation' about how I need to find better coping mechanisms otherwise the world will chew me up and spit me out, even though the conversation was really just about how it's annoying to HIM and he doesn't want to find ways to cope or anything. My parents said that I can take my time (ish) weaning off the fidget, but that I need to find some smaller way of stimming that isn't distracting or upsetting or nervous-looking ""just like we do."" So far the only other things that have worked for me are covering my ears really aggressively and rubbing my hair against them, hitting myself, scratching my hands till they bleed, aggressive tapping of the table, and the fidget. I need some ideas for things to try that won't get me weird looks or another lecture from my parents because I HATE those, I instinctively get panicky and suddenly I can't express my point without crying, it's horrid. Any suggestions are helpful, thank you so much.",3 "OMFG!!! I was diagnosed with PTSD on Thursday last week, from my own abusive marriage. Got on cipatrolam and got my doctors note Friday, had to go on medical leave from my brand new job, which is the second job I have had screwed up in this marriage so I packed up my kid and we went to my sister's for the week, or it was supposed to be for the week; I lasted two days before I stomped outta there. Their oldest son has a fear of large dogs, because my sister and her husband used to threaten the kid when he was young that if he didnt behave they would get my mom's dog to ""get him"". Important side note: now the whole family encourages their dog to ""get the cat"" every time she attempts to come into the living room. The dog tears after the terrified cat and they laugh and laugh... So I took their two kids and their dog for a walk in the park. We encountered a large, very assertively friendly large black lab who frightened both their little dog and the 16 year old. The poor kid was hiding in the bushes :( I get back to the house, tell Dad about the dog and their boy, which he then blames on MY MOTHER for not controlling her puppy (lol he made up a story about a completely different dog that she had at the time chasing the kid!!! Does he think I am stupid or just forgetful?) I called him out on their behaviour at that time and the idiot just blinks at me. Whatever, liar. Mom gets home from work and hears about the dog incident. She then asks her son if he is a ""pussy"", and her and dad proceed to mock the kid all night, telling him to ""grow a pair"". Later on that evening she physically intimidated him multiple times, especially if he tried to speak to me, scooting across the couch to raise her fists to him and say, ""You wanna go buddy, you wanna go?"" She also backed him into a corner in the kitchen, fists up, ""you wanna go?"" She is a decorated martial arts competitor. I am a former instructor and we do NOT teach ANYONE to use their training to intimidate or bully anyone (lol bullies in my class got pushups. Many pushups until they cant raise their noodle arms up to anyone lol) Yesterday morning I woke up at 6 am and started packing up. Dad stumbles downstairs and asks what's going on, i tell them gaslighting is insidious crap and call them pussies and ask how they like it. I tell my sister that i remember very well that is was her abusive teenage boyfriend that taught her to abuse cats and dont you dare lie to my face about it. I yell at them pretty loudly ""that poor kid!!!"" -which i am sure their kids heard from their beds, their neighbors must have heard too :( i leave and tell my son on the way home that it isnt good enough for him there and we do not ""sic"" our dogs on our cat ffs! There was a puppy pad full of pee when we got there on Sunday and was still there Tuesday morning. The toilets were so filthy and smelled so bad that I cleaned the downstairs toilet for 40 minutes and it still is stained and disgusting. Their upstairs bathroom reels of urine :( I am horrified but need a reality check because I have ""the temper in the family"" but it feels fucked to me, right? I have emailed my therapist this whole diatribe as well for advice. I will take those kids and that cat in a heartbeat. Every bone in my furious body tells me to make the calls and report. So, please, a reality check: this is fucked up, right? Or am I sucking my own PTSD's dick? It feels to me like they are so mean to him and he suffers for it :( **Edit: I made the report!!! Social workers are working from home so I emailed my concerns: her aggression and animal cruelty and dads dismissiveness. I noted that her aggression was in response to my connecting and showing concern for him. Thank you everyone who commented; cross your fingers for him :)**",3 "I have been diagnosed with ADHD since elementary school. I'm not one to get angry easily or often. But when I do, it's explosive. Yelling, hitting things, slamming things. To be clear as well, no matter how angry I get, or whoever I'm angry at, I would never and will never hit or at all be violent to a specific person, but it's always to my environment. It feels almost like a release of tension and emotion when I hit say my bed, a counter, or my steering wheel. and no matter what, my anger will quickly go away the second the argument (or whatever) is over with and I'm back to my usual self. Lately, however, there has been a situation in my life that creates this unbridled rage/frustration quicker than anything in my life before. Not only that but, my girlfriend is starting to be affected by it emotionally as well. She and I both know that I wouldn't lay a finger on her, but these acts scare her and it doesn't help that this situation that is causing my anger to flair up easier is also directly affecting the relationship as well. I don't want to scare her and I don't want this issue to keep affecting my emotions to that degree anymore, especially because it's not something that will go away anytime soon nor is it something I can run away from. I've tried breathing and calming down, trying to relax and all that, but it ends up feeling so deeply unsatisfying and almost doubles the anger because I still have to come back to deal with it after calming down. Does anyone have any ideas on how to go about this?",0 "I met my abuser properly on Saturday, 14th April, 2018 at my friend’s birthday party in my friend’s house. I first went over to my abuser’s house for the first time on Wednesday, 18th April, 2018 where he gave me my first kiss. I lost my virginity to my abuser on Monday, 23rd April, 2018. I attended a party on Saturday, 28th April, 2018 and loads of my abusers friends approached me and asked how he was in bed. My abuser then had a go at me, accusing me of telling everyone about us and threatening to leave. Why didn’t I read that sign and just leave then. Last night I had a vivid dream of the memory of Saturday, 14th April, 2018 - walking through the house of the party. I didn’t know I could dream of memories. This is the first time this has happened. I’m scared to go to sleep tonight. Just now, I got a notification from Instagram saying “follow .... and other people you may know” and it was him. My abuser. I thought I had him blocked everywhere but clearly not. It’s taken my account this long to recommend him. Why now? Why after that dream? Why in APRIL of all months? Why? Why why why. Do you ever feel like things happen for a reason and that coincidences are often too fucking coincidental to JUST BE coincidences?! Do you believe in fate? Do you believe in those horribly painful gut feelings that something isn’t right? I do. I really really do. Because usually my gut feeling is right and usually it isn’t just a coincidence. I’m terrified to sleep incase I dream of a worse or more painful memory. I’m now scared that fate’s gonna make me run into him again soon. He only lives ten minutes up the hill from me. It makes me scared to leave the house. And when things like this happens, it makes it worse. I’d like to disclose that I AM on the waiting list for a domestic abuse counselling thing. It’s not okay that this still kills me so much when he left over two years ago.",3 Over and over again my friends have told me to “loosen up” or “not be so serious” when they’re joking but I just don’t understand their jokes. What is so funny about saying something you don’t mean? I often get called boring and old. Is this something anyone else experiences? And is it possible to fix? Because I feel very left out,3 "Watching a video giving an overview and walk through of a problem like you find on those youtube science channels causes my mind to .. The context, like mathematics history, never fits my personal context so when building up an explanation of a problem/solution like a topic of a youtube video, im chaffing at the first mention of a ""non-answer""-""non-answer"" meaning the presenter presents a problem associated with the main problem using historical data, but at the same time not, because the data points being shown are not isolated, there is a story going. Thats what hooked me in the first place! Only you spelled out a problem in the title, and this problem you know is wrong , How absurd is reality?",3 "I just started a new relationship but I worry constantly and I find myself doing checking rituals sometimes to make sure that they still like me. I was wondering if any of you have had a similar experience with impulsively checking if your partner is ok, over apologizing, and other such checking behaviors",1 "My dad died today and Im only 14. in the overall span of my life, it will have felt like I barely even got to know him, and now Im never gonna see him again. There's so many things he didn't get to teach me and many things we didn't get to do. Im scared for the future, I didn't realize how much I cared about him until I lost him, it hurts so bad. One day he was there, and then a week and a half later he wasnt, he left me, my older brothers, and my 3 younger siblings behind with my mom who is a stay at home mom without a job. I feel so utterly helpless and defeated. Every time I think about him I just want to break down and cry. I just dont know what else to say except Im completely heartbroken. I still wonder if Im dreaming every hour or so, it just seems so unreal.",2 Can the increase in anxiety really start within 24 hours to taking my first pill? I feel like it’s way higher than yesterday before I started.,1 "I just want my brain to be quiet. Today was horrible because I couldn't stop counting in my head (and out loud) all day long. I woke up counting in my head and for whatever reason I ""realized"" I'm not supposed to have even numbers above 7 and besides 14. My brain has been forcing me to include 16 and I'm tired of hitting myself in the head to ""erase"" the mistake. I just want to focus on something else. I know no one can help me, just venting.",1 "I dont know if this thread already exists but my idea was for all of us to make a list of podcasts, apps, books/autors, movies that can help us to cope with anxiety and ocd. Feel free to post your suggestions. I find the app inside timer quite helpful. I find confort in some movies like comedies.",1 "I’ve lightly struggled with ADHD my whole life, especially growing up. But as an adult, I was able to go without meds and handle myself to a reasonable extent. Almost two years into the pandemic, my ADHD has been the worst it’s ever been. I’m now on two anti-depressants and adderall, and things are barely getting better. I live alone in a 2br apartment. I work mostly remote, with a few days in the office here and there. But I’ve never felt the manifestation of my ADHD as bad as it is now. I’ll spend literal days in bed, content to doomscroll and watch YouTube. During the pandemic, I started drinking and smoking cannabis. I’ve since mostly stopped drinking, but I’m still smoking, and I feel like that’s probably not helping my cause. It’s like I’ve dug myself such a deep mental health hole, I have no idea how I’m gonna get out. I no longer have any idea if my meds are doing anything, but I’m scared to try and stop them. Work is stressful as fuck, and so it’s been such a chore to get things done. I just have no idea what to do. Is anyone else experiencing anything like this? I’m in my 30s and this is really fuckin things up in my life. Any advice for people who’ve figured something out?",0 "I am a physician, but not a psychiatrist. I spent three months on an exhausting, high-intensity assignment with COVID-19 patients. I was too busy to notice while I was in there, but when I came out I realized I am in trouble. I cannot go into details without risking identification, and unfortunately, being identified would place my license in jeopardy. I have taken some time off, and I just started seeing a psychiatrist peer off-the-books. I am safe. I am trying to find a way to label a particular symptom. One of the most disruptive symptoms I am experiencing is something like a baseline, internal ""scream"" which never stops. It is as if there is a scream that never stops, only I can't hear anything. I just feel it. Inside, I'm screaming as long and as loudly as I can. It has the hair on my neck standing constantly. Something like sitting in your car with the clutch pushed in and the accelerator pushed to the floor every waking moment of the day. The engine is red-lining. On good days, I can distract myself from it, but as soon as I stop, it is there, pushing me. On bad days, it drowns out everything and I am useless. I can't escape it. Is there a term for this? I don't recall one, but my psychiatry rotations were a long time ago.",3 "I deal with a lot of self-hate. I lash out on myself and get angry at myself whenever I make a mistake. I constantly think of myself as defective and incapable of being able to amount to anything in life. I burn out too easily, I procrastinate like hell, I'm constantly conflicted with different aspects of myself, and I can't act like a normal FUCKING human being and even if I could, I have to try REALLY hard. I just want to know if other people go through the same thing so I don't feel alone with this internal struggle.",3 "I'ma female 22 self diagnosed with Asperger's,ADD and a mild depression ,i've been undegniosed my whole life because of masking and just because i live in a third world country... I feel like i can't come out of this country to have a better life as a neurodivergent person ,people here are so judgmental and there is not many options to adapt to your disorders + it's an arabic muslim country which limit my freedom as a girl .. Idk what to do anymore ? I'm in college and passing my exams these days among others next month Everything seems so impossible to do ,i'm exhausted ..why life is so unfair :(",3 "Seeing a few posts lately about careers and it's got me thinking a lot about mine. I've just started my degree so I've got a while before I'll be out in the workplace yet. I know my chosen path will present a lot of challenges, for any staff, not just those with ADHD But I'm curious! If you work in this field or have before, what were your favourite parts? What parts were most challenging to you as someone with ADHD? Did you learn any cool coping strategies or self care tips along the way? Thanks! :)",0 Does anyone know any very good group in the programming discord? Something that is possible to establish connections or friendships...,3 Right now i have the album [Seelie by Clann](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jn6UB-jLblM) on repeat,3 "Tw: sexual assault He was in jail for 3 months and now he's out again. I spent two years trying not to leave my house after what happened. I can't get the detective to call me back to tell me what I can do. He was supposed to be there for 20 years. Now what?",3 "**Every day I wake up with crippling anxiety that causes me to look at my phone for way too long, unable to focus or break free from the ADHD paralysis. I used to have a morning routine preCOVID, but it hasn't been working for me anymore. What kinds of things do you do to break out of this? I've thought about exercise or going on a walk, but those things seem too hard in the moment. Does anyone have any tips or morning routines that help them not get trapped in the morning ADHD anxiety?**",0 I don’t even want them to try to console me or anything like that. I just want my them to realize how much effort I’m putting in to stay. It’s selfish but I’m so tired of performing functionality and feeling like this. It’s lonely when absolutely nobody knows.,2 Sometimes I wake up optimistic for the day and then later I just lose hope,3 "Doctor prescribed Klonopin for my OCD, I started feeling better, everything was good. Suddenly I start feeling worse, I look for reassurance everywhere, I text all kinds of people to make sure Im ok, I spent god knows how much money on doctors to tell me that Im okay, but I don’t believe them, because i feel ny heart beating weird, so I think I will die, so I take klonopin at night, then im better, then I wake up and Im full of fear again, I don’t take the klonopin during the day because I don’t want to become addicted like I did with xanax, so I just feel bad for tje rest of the day. I stopped going to the psychiatrist, i just call hin for the prescription and he gives it to me, I take larger doses at times, because Im worse. I don’t even know if what Im writing right now makes sense. But Im scared and I will look for real help today if you read this thabk you",1 "How to not get tired when you have to do a full time internship/ work fulltime on school? How to deal with a ridiculous workload like expecting me to do 3 really dificult programming asignments a week and the deadline the next week, while also having a project for a real person? How to not get frustrated by not having much free time? And when I have free time, I'm too tired to play a game for example... I can do that in the weekend but not often after a school day. I'm also really afraid of communication and have to do two more obligatory internships. I have a mental blockade because of not knowing how the other will react. After I graduate, I will work part-time to enjoy my life more, but now I need to get through 1,5 more years of hard work in college for a bachelor's degree.",3 "So, basically, I am someone who lives in Europe and I have friends on Discord. Almost every single one of them is from America. And I have been refusing to make friends in my own country because I hate everything about my own country and its people and I'd rather be dead than live here or be friends with anyone from here. But yeah, American's are typically over 5 hours behind me in timezone, so I have a hard time having a good sleep schedule when all I want to do is maintain all the friends I have. I kind of have to stay up until at least 5AM just so I can talk to my friends and not feel lonely.",2 "So about yesterday evening, I was having these bad memories from a decade ago of this kid from my old school, bullying me by telling me that if I messed with him again, he will kill my family. At first I didn't take any of this seriously and thankfully none of that happened, but the problem was is that about a few weeks ago I was having delusive thoughts about said kid wanting to go back in time and kill my family! The first time I had this delusions thought, I tried to ignore it, the second time I had this thought I ignored it again. The third time I had it, was because I was afraid my thoughts about it transferred to the internet, because I clicked on something. The most recent time I had this thought once again, was because I talked to myself about this delusion thought while clicking away from something! Now this entity of the person wants to go back in time and do what it said it was going to do! What should I do?",1 "i need advice on how to power through the next couple weeks until christmas. i’m a senior in college and returning back to “normal” classes after quarantine has caused me the worst burnout ive ever dealt with in my life. i’m tired all of the time and it’s to the point i’m starting to have thoughts of suicide again. i’m counting the days til christmas not because i’m looking forward to the holiday but because i need a fucking break from the world. it’s genuinely difficult to get out of the bed in the morning and keep working. i can’t do it anymore. i don’t know what to do because every time i push myself to go to class and work i just cry. and one day off isn’t enough to fix this. i’m desperate",2 "I’m very close to getting to the point of just giving up on trying to build a relationship with anyone. I’ve been using dating apps for just over 2 years and I’ve had lots of matches, a few dates, but nothing has stuck. Recently I have not had many matches, and got called “short” and “gross” by someone that just unmatched with me which has completely destroyed my self esteem and confidence. I know it’s just one person but it makes me worry thinking that’s why nothing has worked out. As embarrassing as it is to admit this, I genuinely don’t know how to continue with dating. I’m only 21 and I don’t think I’m ugly, but I’m aware that I’m not very attractive compared to most people. Having Aspergers doesn’t help, as I struggle to maintain/create conversations and I usually don’t know how to properly communicate with others without seeming “weird” or “awkward”. Any advice would be appreciated.",2 "I’m 18, No social life, I looked in the mirror and I’m so skinny and ugly , I hate it, I hate it so much I’m so tired of it and much more, I want to live happy but some things I just can’t control",2 "a lot of negative events has made me avoid doing something and even if i do it, i try to get it done as soon as i can. i don't like it cos im avoiding almost everything in my life. Avoiding to wake up and get out of bed, avoiding to shower, avoiding to turn on my pc, avoiding to clean(because i get myself dirty too and i have to shower again), etc. i need to do these things with ease without feeling extremely uneasy and fearing the past will happen again but it's just so hard. i feel like im fighting myself.",1 "I struggle with harm and psychosis ocd. I keep thinking ""what if I actually want to harm/kill someone?"" I wondered how do I cope with uncertainty? I can't just think ""well maybe I want to kill/will kill someone. Maybe I'm gonna get psychosis"". Please help.",1 "a quick one: several severe singular events of trauma dating decades back; more generalised C-PTSD type stuff—all the result of a significantly lower threshold, due to extreme sensitivity... i grabbed my oft beleaguered brother; disappeared to the attic; he sat while i took guaranteed high-purity stuff from a psychedelic therapy community hookup; dropped for the first time ever (despite having a significant year and a half kratom habit at the time)...i talked about the most obvious events/pictures in my head, and experienced the classic lack of fear for the first time ever. so, here i am 2 days later, and i feel very different. things that normally would trigger me to feel that adrenalin kick of fear in my chest (the smallest thing, like a name that shared a commonality with the childhood home our family lost due to my dad’s gambling) did NOTHING AT ALL...a few other things of that nature...i’ll check back here and update. it’s still early days...but it’s very, VERY interesting. UPDATE 1: i’m a week in. i don’t really want to comment on anything yet. i thought i’d come back here at +1 month for the first full update, for anyone who’s still interested. things are still potentially interesting, though. UPDATE 2: so, it’s been about a month. the disclaimer is: i still have BPD. which means, some hidden mechanism of inflammation serves to worsen and then ameliorate profound feelings of self-loathing, loneliness, isolation and shame, and to convince me that everyone around me thinks i’m an idiot, and that in a broader sense, i have failed on a societal level—pretty much that if validation hasn’t come externally, that i have failed, generally. BUT—here is the caveat: all my suicidal meltdowns have stopped. it’s as if the BPD meltdown used to feed off my trauma, roving around to find events of fear and humiliation to prove its argument against me…and that simply does not happen anymore. i can think back on the traumatic events, but they no longer give me that jolt of fear. nor does it colour my whole experience of a day. i can now manage my bad days, whereas before the MDMA session, my brother and i were essentially counting down to the day that i finally worked up the courage to end it. don’t get me wrong, life is still very hard. i still can’t work a job; i still can’t cope with the pressure of everyday societal expectation (totally self-imposed, of course); i am still most likely undiagnosed autistic. but life is no longer absolutely unbearable pain that never ends. MDMA trauma therapy has been nothing short of miraculous for me. i’ll update again at some point in the future. there are still a few more things i need to investigate in a second session (which still cause mild flashbacks), but they can wait till i have access to more high grade stuff. i wish i could recommend it to everyone who has trauma all at the same time. it’s incredible.",3 "Today is my day. Sunday, Usually on sundays I get to be with my gf and we chill and do w.e with no responsibilities or plans set in place. Every now and then we will go to the store or something but generally we watch movies, relax, drink coffee, etc. Today is different, usually it’s just her and I, and today her kids are here unexpectedly, now I’m in this mood where I feel like nothings going how I thought and I’m just agitated. Can’t enjoy a movie because a kid comes down and runs water or something and my brain just goes “babalslsbsufjfnbf”. Running water, foot steps, talking. I greatly dislike it. I’m female, and haven’t been diagnosed as ASD yet. But just wondering if you guys experience similar things? The extreme agitation is REAL. Lol",3 "I noticed there's a dearth of threads listing autistic influencers who use their platform to talk about autistic issues, and I feel it'd be encouraging for those who feel we're not represented in the world to find some.",3 My mom checks on me but I always turn her away because I don’t have it in me to explain how I’m feeling/ don’t know how to put my raw thoughts and feelings into words.,2 "The reason I say this is because during the episode you’re numb and don’t care about the consequences until they happen. For me at least, coming out of the episode and having to deal with what your self neglect has done to you is so exhausting and painful. It’s matted hair so severe you would rather cut it all off rather than deal with it, rotting plaque covered teeth, hair falling out by the handfuls from poor nutrition, forcing yourself into a shower and still not being able to escape the smell of your own decay, it’s absolute misery you would never want to repeat yet the cycle continues.",2 "Ok so long story short over the last few weeks I’ve been TERRIFIED of being attracted to 12-13 year old girls. I’m 17 btw. So last year I remember being a dumb teen and going on a masturbation sub reddit. And there was a 13 year old girl talking about it. And I seriously for the life of me can’t remember if I was attracted to reading that post because of her age or not. I swear I felt like I enjoyed it more than older girls posts. But idk if that’s because it was closer to my age or what the heck is going on. I also feel like I slightly remember doing compulsions to explain I didn’t like the post for the age. But I’m literally so confused and can’t freaking tell and it’s making it so much worse. I can’t TELL. Can someone please help it’s driving me insane. I would’ve never worried about not being straight until this fear popped up and it won’t leave. Has someone experienced this? Like I can’t tell if this is a false feeling or what the heck this is This is making me feel so anxious I’m laying in bed and can’t sit still. And I had the worst mental break down ever to the point I was almost shaking Side note. If this is true. Could it be something I outgrew? Like I was only 16 for a few months at the time so could it be something I just outgrew?",1 Using this as an outlet but having something constantly blaring in my ears has helped me not think so much.,2 "I just want to dump my feelings right now. I have ADHD and depression and I used to have no problem in school before Covid hit. The time between now and when covid started was when all of my motivation to do school work disappeared and was eventually prescribed depression medication after my first semester in college. It’s hard to tell if it’s the cocktail of medications I’m taking causing my downfall or Its because I stopped having that drive to do things. I used to to have 4 hour school days and get another 3 hours in for studying and manage to spend an hour and a half in the gym afterwards. Right now I have two midterm papers due that I used to be able to get done much faster, even the night before it was due, and now I struggle to come up with a paragraph. I’m very easily distracted and my inability to do school has caused me to spiral deeper into my depression. I haven’t noticed how easily distracted I am until now and I always find myself scrolling through the same 4 apps to distract myself from getting sad but then it causes more strain on me because I have less time. I also don’t retain very much lecture material at all. I thought of dropping my Organic Chemistry class so I can do better in my other classes but they would take away my grant money that I need to pay rent. I just feel trapped and unable to feel happy with all of this stress from school. I don’t know what to do and I just keep sitting here with the same word document open that I’ve barely touched over the past 3 weeks. It just sucks and I wish I could be my past self. :(",2 it’s just so annoying when u really want to die and everyone’s like “pls don’t do that. the people around u will be sad” like idc 😭 i wanna die and now i have to think abt what other people feel..nit’s just so exhausting,2 One time I was on a treadmill in the gym and I had to close my eyes for five seconds...obviously I fell off. Everyone looked at me and for some reason I tried to get back on with the treadmill still going at speed and fell straight back off again.,1 "My 7 year old was recently diagnosed with aspergers...which apparently isn't even a word anymore, he's just on the spectrum. My wife is determined to get him some therapy to help with the things below, but can anyone share if they get better with age, even without therapy? 1. Temper tantrums. He straight up rages on us sometimes, especially my wife. Pure hatred in his eyes, over the stupidest things. He has triggers (like if you call him lazy) that send him into immediate rage. 2. Stims. When excited he repeated clasps his hands, wiggles fingers and shakes a little. We try telling him to wiggle his toes instead. I worry he will be teased in school and/or the anger gets him in big trouble.",3 "Hello. I’m a female, I’m 23 years old and I take Adderall xr 20 mg and I was diagnosed with Adhd at 4 years old. I was diagnosed with PTSD at 15. My whole life, my dad physically abused me and my mom emotionally neglected me as a baby/child. My mom didn’t even tell me I was going to get my period so when I got it, it was completely unexpected. She was never emotionally there for me as she was getting abused too. Anytime I told her that he was hurting me she said, well act right and he won’t lay a hand on you.. Just not really supportive. But I was little then and no idea I was being bad. I just have issues all around me. The younger years were the worst, because I had so many questions and felt ashamed. I remember walking around at recess in third grade feeling so empty and scared and isolated. I didn’t make friends or go out of my way to keep them. I would cry so easily and still do, to this day. I mean. I had black eyes when I was 7 forcing me to miss school because they didn’t want cps involved. I remember my dad grabbing me by the throat telling me that if I make him late for work I’m going be sorry. I would get hit with random objects and all over my body. I had welts and bruises. I remember saying, “I’m your daughter, why are you doing this” over and over again. I continuously watched my mom get beat up too, and those thoughts never leave my mind. One day I woke up to my mom covering her black eye and I asked what happened and she said, “I fell.” I believed her in the moment but that thought never left my brain so when I got older, I correlated that it came from my dad abusing her.. and I began to hate my father. I hated him so much, that I refused to hug him or acknowledge his existence for a very long time even though we lived in the same house. I would have very strong emotional outbursts with lots of screaming and breaking things, my own valuable things and it stressed him out so much that he would beat me for it and it became a routine. I started cutting myself in 5th grade and it stopped after therapy in high school. I struggle with a lot of things now. Like, eating enough, being overly attached to my partner (every time I date somebody I am overly attached), always saying sorry, a low self esteem. Sometimes I really want to isolate myself for days. Sometimes I have urges to cut myself, sometimes age regression appears in tough situations. Over the last year, I’ve been able to accept my fathers mistakes and not hate him for them. I truly do forgive him because growing up he was abused severely, way more than I was.. and he always tries to makeup for his mistakes.. Even if I am a ball of what happened to him. (My father has adhd as well, and I would like to say undiagnosed PTSD because of everything he went through.) How can I be angry with him? He didn’t know any better. So the last time he hit me was a year ago and since then I’ve been trying to become closer to him vs hating him... And my mom.. well she never had a dad, and was an only sibling and her mom was always at work and abandoned her at 18... so emotionally, she was just unavailable. She tried, there were times Inremember her tickling me in my sleep and waking me up with laughs and kisses. I remember being like 7 and crying to her asking her why I’m so ugly and she said I was beautiful while I cried in her arms. There were moments.. But I wish I had more I guess. Anyway, I know I need therapy for trauma because it shows up most in my personal relationships. I just want to be the best me that I can be without hurting anybody else all the time. I tend to not tell the truth about how I feel so that I don’t cause any havoc.. Because I can be really angry at times over small small things. Is there anything you tell yourself to keep your self steady? Am I ever going to feel like I can truly grasp my sense of self? I know I need counseling or therapy, I just don’t know what to ask for. I also feel bad for centering the blame on my dad because he went through such similar things. But I know my childhood was anything but normal. Does anybody else relate? Does it get better with age?",3 "Eat breakfast! Make a thing of it, if you can, go to a nice little shop with breakfast food and get it to go or whatever. Something about eating in the morning makes me hungry through the day. By going somewhere and making it a treat (I personally go get bagels) its more memorable to do because, well, your doing a thing. Maybe this is just me but try it out some time.",0 "I'm not sure if it's the holiday season or me spending time with fam (which is typically holidays). People are always saying stuff like ""you're so lucky to have your family. other people dont have that"" but I truly just take a nose dove towards rock bottom during these times. I've missed my family yes, but I'm not brought joy to be around for Thanskgiving and Christmas and New Years. Idk how to determine if I just don't like my family or I don't like holidays. One makes me super sad. Hopefully not both",2 "I was recently given a prescription for vyvanse and my insurance doesn’t cover it to well. Is there a way for my psych to see how much I’m paying for it in their system? Would they have to call the pharmacy to get that information? I just want to show them that it might not be for me since although I have enough to cover it, it’s still quite a bit for me to cover every month.",0 "So my bf and I were cuddly and happy in the morning. 20mjns later within a chat, I said I'm not gonna go on a trip we had planned because I felt like he didn't want me to go. ( I know I shouldn't have said it, I was feeling unappreciated) but I really wanted to go and spend time together. I know I have done wrong in our communication and I take the blame for that, as I should have connected the dots and learnt sooner that he needs me to be more patient in our communication. Then he came up and broke up with me, well he said he wasn't sure if our communication would get better. Then went back a forth with not sure if we should have a break. With his Asperger's ways, communication is difficult but I've been learning more to help with our communication but haven't been able to put them into action. I completely understand what I need to do and want to try to communicate better. Our relationship is/ was so special and communication in arguments is the only issue. The rest so special and he is so special to me. I feel I've pushed him away but also with not learning sooner about Aspergers but I didn't connect the dots until recently. I've given us some space since but he asked if I'm ok but wants to stay away from our home. This hurts me alot but I don't want to push him into a corner as that doesn't help him and I may need more space. His messages are average length, normal, like nothing different other than it missing the cutie words he calls me. I wrote him a letter but I don't know when I should give it to him. I don't know if we should have more space or if I should reply to the ""Hope your ok"" to opening communication and show I care for him. Advice would be helpful, I don't know if I should lose hope.",3 "Well, I’m awake. It doesn’t seem that late, but I couldn’t sleep last night at all so I’ve been lying in bed since 8pm. I think that I need to go back to seeing My therapist biweekly. This time it’s about a girl, and that’s it. I get so fixated on the idea that every girl that I date is “the one” and that I am going to mess it all up. Which I always do, and it’s because I get in my own head. Normally I think I would be more clear as to what my issues are, but I’m so incredibly tired focusing is massively difficult.",1 "My landlord comes over every 6 months or so to check out our place, see if anything around the house needs any attention/tlc. He’s cool. Still, my procrastination makes the house a mess within a day and even if it gets cleaned up there are still things that should be deep cleaned every once in a while, given that I also have two hairy dogs and even though I’m doing my best to avoid dog odour or hair on furniture/floors, I’m constantly falling behind on their grooming so after a while scented candles and plug-in air fresheners can only do so much. Anyways, my landlord is planning to pop in in about a week and it’s the kick in the butt I needed. I went full on into hyper focus and did the following in 4 hours: painted the inside of our front door, cleaned all of our walls, made dinner for 3 days to make time for the next few days of work and groomed the dogs. Tomorrow I’m cleaning and reorganising all of the kitchen cabinets and the refrigerator, deep cleaning all floors down on fours with a cloth and bleach and polishing all doors, frames and railings. My husband is taking care of everything outside. Our landlord never expects us to take it this far, he loves us but my perfectionism and fear of judgement takes over sometimes. I’m just happy that my place will again look like new for the next few months!",0 I just recently got diagnosed (2 days ago) i’ve been watching a lot of educational videos about it (despite me already knowing a lot because i researched before really being sure to speak about it to my counsellors) and i’ve been sharing facts and aspects about adhd to friends and families and they seem so disinterested or annoyed when i do. I feel annoying and stuff. Does anyone else relate? I just am so excited due to me struggling so much and not being able to get accommodation or really say OH it’s this! due to the lack of diagnosis when i recognized symptoms from childhood.,0 "I have 4 separate mental illnesses so I didn’t really know what to attribute this feeling to, but I think its spectrum related where I’ll have specific, visceral feelings that literally no one else can relate to so they think I’m lying and invalidate what I’m feeling.",3 "( true story, but the joke isn’t mine; I picked it up somewhere) Context: my therapist has been encouraging me to be less compartmentalized , more open with my family. So we’re sitting around (parents, little sister) and I’m talking about telling my coworkers that I’m autistic. My parents seem awkward so I decide to lighten the mood. Me: I explained to my team that I’m autistic, and they ask “so does that mean you take everything literally?” and I said “no that’s different; that’s kleptomaniacs…” 😀 My parents: DID NOT GET THE JOKE. My little sister laughed so hard she cried, though, so we’re actually a lot closer now.",3 "I wonder if it's related to the autism spectrum, are they times you feel like you hate humanity or the behaviour of human beings sometimes? I just feel it might be related to bad experiences growing up with certain people. Just sometimes internally have some anger, trust issues and sometimes bitterness with some of them. I haven't been diagnosed with autism but I wonder if it's a sense of trying to be 'normal'. I've read threads here where people mention about trying to be 'normal' It's funny because I remember mentioning it to my counsellor a few months ago about my childhood and how it felt like I had to be a certain way and behave in a way that was normal.",3 "The thoughts are back even after taking Klonopin, and I’m actually scared. Today I didn’t feel anxious fue to the pills, but now my anxiety is back and I’m scared. What if I like these thoughts? I’m so horrified I didn’t even get a groinal response when I was on the anxiolytics. I’m scared my doctor told me to drink one if I felt anxious, but I don’t want to, because of the possibility of developing an addiction. What should I do to calm myself?, other than compulsions.",1 "I've befriended this dude with ADHD for ~a month now. Every 3 days it seems as though we have the same conversations. In the beginning I let it slide. I don't mind repeating a few things, but after the 5th time of him asking me the same question he's asked me in the last month, I snapped. At the time I wasn't aware that short-memory was a symptom of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, I just thought he wasn't paying attention to any of our conversations. Turns out it's not that he hasn't been paying attention to our conversations - he genuinely cares. It's just that he has crap memory, something out of his control. I feel like shit. I don't want to jeopardize our friendship like that again. I would just like to know if there's anything I should be sensitive/aware about when it comes to interacting with people who suffer from ADHD? Thanks",0 "Firstly, I have a deep love for students with Asperger's, mostly because I take serious interest in their interests and find their quirkiness very much like mine. Anyway, I have one this year. He is a great kid and student, but he is still very shy in class. He will be taking my class next year, and I really want to help move him out of his comfort zone. He will be a senior and moving into his next stage of life. I am going to require student participation next year across the board via reading outloud (I teach Latin) and a few minor presentations. Do any of you wonderful non-neuro typicals have some advice for me in helping? We have a solid relationship, so I am not concerned about that. I just want the magnificence he is capable of producing to show.",3 "i can feel myself slowing distancing from the people i love. and i hate it. but i can't help it. i'm so scared of burdening them with the things i do, even if it's good things. everytime i think of literally anything i go ""omg i want to tell someone"" but i feel like i can't. why does this happen? how do i fix it? i don't want to be alone but i keep pushing everyone away and everytime i just wish that someone would keep chasing after me even if i push them away. but i know it doesn't work like that and it hurts. im tired of trying to be independent and only end up sabotaging myself. it is so incredibly painful to feel things and not be able to tell people about it, be it good or bad, happy or sad. i'm the one doing this to myself and yet i feel like people just don't care enough to pry about my life.",2 "Like most folks with ADHD, I have a serious problem with brushing my teeth. I mentioned this to my dentist today, mid-cleaning, and asked for her thoughts. What she suggested was something I hadn't heard anywhere else, so I thought it worth mentioning. 1. Skip the water and toothpaste. Just rub your teeth with the dry brush. The idea is to just mechanically dislodge the plaque. Of course, you can rinse it afterwards, but the idea is to sidestep the awkward swishing and spitting that I hate so passionately. 2. Get a ""Floss Aid"". Basically, it's a little Y-shaped device that you can string and re-string with fresh floss. I've found them on Amazon. I mentioned the single-use alternatives, like the water-free ""toothbrush"" with a bead in the center someone mentioned earlier, but she figured these suggestions would get the job done without creating excess waste.",0 "I’m 17 and I always act in very immature ways. A lot of people think it’s an act but like deadass I’m just a very immature person. Throughout all of elementary, middle, and highschool I’ve always gotten along better with people 1 year younger than me and I always clicked perfectly with people 2 years younger than me. I have friends my age but I always feel just a little behind them mature-wise. Is anyone else like this?",0 "I have Chronic PTSD from life long trauma in my childhood, a severely broken family, and adulthood trauma. One of the biggest issues with my condition is trust with women. The two major women in my life, my mother and grandmother have given me good reasons not to trust them, and by them being the main women and the toxic women I've had in my life, it screwed my trust for women... My mother was narcissist, drug addict, and a whore and my grandma was a religious narcissist control freak... One reminder from a woman I'm with and it triggers me and my trust for them is all screwed up... For instance, I'm 32 the woman I'm with is 23. She is still full of energy and likes to get out and socialize, while I on the other hand do not. Her mother reminds me of my mother and has shown me things to make me believe that, so I don't trust her with her mother. I don't trust her around her friends either... These people do not like me and tell her she can do better and to leave me alone. Due to a broken family past, I'm not a family oriented person, and do not see the importance of family gathering or any of that, and my trust issues go through the roof when she does this family function bs... I'm old school and believe my relationship should be based on old school morals, rather than this confusing and destructive moral set we see today... I believe in old school teamwork and stability, the man should provide and protect while the woman cooks and cleans... I believe the only family we need to focus on is ours and building it... Instead, she is interested in drinking, slumber parties, and get togethers with these women who not only do not like me, but also women that I do not trust and as far as I'm concerned and learned, birds of a feather flock together... Her on the other hand, does not have a clue what that means and fights, argues, plays victim, and gives me a guilt trip when I try to get her on board with this... She says I'm controlling, but when we first met, I told her bluntly about my condition, symptoms, and where it all comes from... I figured we had that understanding and she would support me... However, just like a lot of women I tell this too, at first it was all support, but in the end I'm a monster or controlling... Recently, my relationships go for 1-2 years before im fed up with repeating myself, my concerns, my issues, and reminding my condition is chronic and the only way to better it is from real support. I feel like I'm constantly punching myself in the face and giving myself triggering flashbacks when I do that...It's like you tell someone you have PTSD, and now they think your stupid... Maybe I am controlling... If I am its for the right reason as far as Im concerned...I don't ask her to do anything illegal or immoral... This relationship has been going on 1 year and 6 months just like this, and I'm ready to call it quits and just focus on bettering myself to be better for someone else in the future... But when I try to move on, she either uses suicide or pregnancy as a way to stay in the picture...and honestly the girl needs help and guidance and I try to give her that, but after 1 year and 6 months of trying, constantly repeating myself, and fighting over it, I'm tired of trying to help someone who can't help themselves or don't want the help...especially while I'm struggling trying to help myself to better health... I told her she is contributing to my PTSD and thats the opposite of what I'm looking for from anybody at this point in my life...",3 "Ever since I increased my dosage of adderral to 25mg, I have nightmares pretty much every single night (not when I forget to take it though). Like this isn’t the worst thing ever, but I’m just curious if anyone else has had similar experiences, and it might just be because I’m remembering my dreams more because the stuff makes me wake up like 6x a night. It didn’t bother me so much initially, but lately it does .. is this typical for anyone?",0 "I want to put this out there as an exploration of something I hadn't considered before and not to seek reassurance. I've been married 27 years, no extramarital affairs, we've had our ups and downs, but it's been a good marriage overall. Lately, there's been some added stress with our college age daughter moving home convinced that she's terminally ill, which I'm pretty sure is a combination of health anxiety and anxiety sensitivity and possibly some legitimate chronic fatigue and somatic disorder--all medical tests thus far have come back normal except some mild food allergies, but she's thought that she had lymphoma, mastocytosis, covid-19, that her spleen or gal bladder was going to rupture etc. She was supposed to start ERP last week, but her therapist abruptly stopped seeing patients due to some undisclosed personal issue and we haven't found another one yet who is taking new patients. Anyway, the other day I had this dream that my wife and I were getting divorced, which seemed out of the blue and inconsistent with how things have been. My wife is postmenopausal and has less libido and it kind of drives me crazy if we haven't had sex for a few weeks. I have brought up that she could get medication to help with libido, but she has flat out told me that she's not going to talk to the Dr about that. So, I find myself nattering to myself about that and that it doesn't matter to her, and therefore that I don't matter to her. Then I start analyzing and reviewing things that she says from the perspective that she's criticizing or belittling me, or that she's mad or upset with me. Intellectually, I can say this is crazy, but it feels real. When we do have sex, it feels like it helps for a few days, but pretty soon I start reviewing trying to remember when was the last time we had sex and sometimes it feels like it's been weeks, but I'm not sure. Sometimes, I make a note of it on a private calendar so I can compare the reality with my experience, but I'm pretty sure that itself is reassurance seeking and a compulsion. I don't think I check the calendar very often, and I haven't been consistent about using it, but I do have checking thoughts that maybe I should have put it on the calendar so that I could be sure. Lately, sometimes I've been thinking half-joking that maybe I should just become a monk so that I wouldn't have to think about this anymore, but obviously that's just aversion and avoidance and not a solution. It would be better to just sit with the uncertainty and learn to tolerate it. Maybe we will never have sex again. Maybe it's been weeks or months since we last had sex. Maybe she finds me unattractive or even repulsive.",1 "The other day I was sitting on the back hall steps and he yelled at me to do something. I covered my face and breathed deep breaths because that's what I do when I'm pissed. Then, when I don't do it right away he starts getting madder and raising his voice more. At this point, he is really mad because I won't get up and do it and I'm just breathing and trying not to explode. And then he says to me, ""You know what? I think that you are just pretending to be depressed so you can get out of doing things so you can just laze around and do nothing!"" I thought to myself, 'Let's see if it I'm just pretending if I kill myself."" I won't kill myself because I know better, but I was mad at the moment so I thought it. I took a depression test and the doctor said that if I score an 8 or higher, that we should watch out for it, and I scored a 15. This is how I know I have depression. Anyways, sorry for the long ass story. I just had to get this off my chest",2 "So I have incredibly debilitating hyperhidrosis and heightened metabolism... Does anyone else suffer from this..? Edit: I kind of forgot to put up an explanation, I had just woken up, so... I have excessive localized sweating in (order of worse to uhhh, most manageable) my hands, feet, and armpits. I am unmedicated and sweating my palms and feet off everyday even though the temperature is pretty fine where I live. I have a doctors appointment next week. Please share your experiences here if you relate! :) [here's how to feet look... it's 18 dregees c..(64 fahrenheit)](https://i.imgur.com/K4CjuLw.mp4) hands are the same, or actually worse, literally dripping.",3 "I conquer it every day. I love words. They help me understand and process the world. So, hopefully these words will help some of you. You are bigger, stronger, and more resilient than OCD. No matter how big it is, you are bigger for it exists in you. No matter how strong it is, you are stronger because you survive every day. No matter how long you’ve had it, you are more resilient because you existed before OCD, you will exist after OCD and even if you have it till the day you die you are MORE than OCD and exist outside of it. OCD is a bitch, but you are not OCD. I don’t suffer from OCD, because every day I choose to win. Some days big, some days small. Some days a win is waking up on time. Some days a win is cooking a meal. Some days a win is taking a shower. Some days a win is going 5 minutes feeling “normal”. And if I can feel normal for 5 minutes, maybe tomorrow I can feel normal for 6. And maybe, just maybe I can improve a little every single day. Some days winning is feeling like you lost the day, but still choosing to try again tomorrow. You guys are champs!!",1 "This is gonna be a messy post. I aint in no mood to articulate my thoughts correctly. I am 17 years old. I am a Senior in High School and Im gonna be real w yall idk if I can do this for much longer. Ive had a shit childhood. My parents sucked, but we are rich and live in a good neighborhood, so i guess theres not too much to complain about. I was always a fat kid too, until recently. Ive lost 30lbs over the summer and I feel nothing. No pride in my accomplishments and no joy. My long time group of friends don't take anything I say seriously. The other night my parents had the worst fight yet and my father told me that he may divorce my mother, so I tell the group of friends I have know since 4th grade. They said they'll ""get over it"". GET OVER IT? They gonna get a divorce and thats all they can say? Fuck em. Ever since I started high school I thought my life would get better but its only gotten worse. I havent made any real, genuine connections and I have never had a girlfriend. I've never been to a school dance. I feel like Im missing out on 90% of my youth. I thought I was hitting it off with a girl in my class but she leaves me on delivered for 20 hours + at a time. Nobody is interested in what I say and I feel like an outcast. I have always felt like shit my entire life but now I feel like each day I lose a little bit more of my sanity. My parents dont believe in therapy so I cant get that. To top it off everday I have to act like everythings okay. Its not and it never has been. I dont think Im suicidal but I dont know how much longer I can take this shit man.",2 "Over my life I have experienced some periods of intense anxiety, depression, ocd like thoughts, and even an eating disorder. Now with more information about mental health I feel mentally healthy, however I fear that if I do not continue reading and rereading information about mental health that I will relaspe into my negative past mental health issues. I am sick of this as I feel like it's becoming an obsession but I just keep coming back. I reading information and then I check myself to see if I have any of the symptoms many times a day. Have any of you felt like this and if so how did you break this pattern?",1 "So I'm still learning and trying to cope with my intrusive thoughts but whenever i go about my daily life i might have read a book or perhaps drew something earlier, completely normal right? A few weeks pass by or months and my mind immediately somehow makes me doubt whether i did something bad or disturbing and i somehow give in and i try to remember and remember what i did that day and even if i recall everything i still doubt and the uncertainty is there just growing Is that still ocd? Or is that something else? I go by hours and maybe days trying to think on what i did exactly",1 i get so paranoid over eating that i just refuse to eat to a point where i feel sick im so afraid of eating something bad even wgen the food is fine what do i do im in dire need of help,1 "Its been about 5-6 days of taking it, so long enough for it to kick in to a degree, and I'm noticing my dpdr slowly lessening, my light sensitivity toning down a little and im not as hypervigilant. Like i still have sound sensitivity in public but im able to notice it in the sense of ""oh well thats there"" rather then ""omg im unsafe this is so awful i need to leave"" which is great. My emotions are more stable, and im not dropping into those mink depressive episodes as often. Instead its getting close and then my mood comes right back up. Probably one of the most promising things is that instead of ruminating on past traumas trying to figure them out and get hung up on them rn, i feel im actually able to just let it go and let things flow. I anticipate great things ahead",3 "I’m 16, and I haven’t been properly diagnosed with any form of OCD, but I think that I have Harm OCD. I keep having intrusive thoughts/urges/feelings about harming the people that I love. I don’t want to do these things, but then the intrusive thoughts make me confused on whether I want to or not. I get so much anxiety and fear, sometimes to the point where I want to puke. The thing that scares me the most is the thought that I could do something bad, even though it gives me so much anxiety just thinking about it. I don’t want to harm my parents, but the intrusive thoughts keep telling me that I “could”, or that it’s “easy” to do that. (All these intrusive thoughts/urges are about knives btw) It especially gets worse at night. whenever I leave my room to go to the bathroom, I get an intrusive thoughts trying to tell me to go downstairs, grab a knife, and stab my parents. It makes me so scared and anxious. I’m scared of losing control, and doing the thing I don’t want. I just want to have a better mindset on this. Before I had these thoughts, I’ve never been scared of knives or hurting anyone because it never exactly crossed my mind. I’ve never been a violent person, but the harm ocd is making me question that. If anyone could help me with this, that would be really appreciated.",1 "I come on here whining about being a 5’5 chubby dateless virgin and talk about how the fact im in college, hitting the gym, going to therapy is gonna actually help me. It’s all super slow progress and no matter how much I try I can’t stop being bland or gaining confidence so I’ll never have enough to attract a gf, I barley have enough to attract friends. Atleast my parents won’t have to worry being an only child w me gone that’s one less cost they have to pay. I wish I could’ve been me and attracted someone or been valuable but nope, if you read thank you for reading in my last bit here.",2 "I (18f) just got my diagnosis a few hours ago and I feel lost. It’s relieving to know what I was going through was valid but with a diagnosis, it feels serious. It suddenly became something so much more real than I thought. What tips would you have for people just finding out? What is something you wished you had been told when you were first diagnosed?",3 "Hello. I'm struggling to find my own path in this place called life. I don't have much of a sob story to tell, I have a great family with a few hiccups and a terrible job that I needed a doctors note to take 3 weeks off, because it's soul crushing me. I have autism and struggle to understand things straight away and multi-tasking has always been a big battle of mine when it comes to getting jobs done quickly, like my current job for example. I nearly killed myself this Thursday. It was just one of those days and I went up to our local train station. My fiancee kept ringing me up, I sent her messages before saying I was 'paranoid' and 'I can't take this anymore.' Eventually I picked up and obviously she convinced me to come home. It's moments like that where I feel really selfish, especially a couple days later when my step-dad came into my room and spoke to me with tears in his eyes. This is very unlike him, he's usually more grounded and easy going but he said to me ""It doesn't matter what happens out there. Once you come home, it doesn't matter. You can leave that job, you don't need it. In here, you are safe. Just come home."" Then he called me daft and hugged me. Now as much as I hold what he said near to me, It's not sunk in as much as I want it too. I'm suppose to be getting an email back from work on how to move forward. I was suppose to be moving to checkouts. However, they couldn't recruit anyone willing to take my place for the job I'm currently doing. Call me surprised haha. But if they can't do anything, I'll have to leave. it's the job or my life. My only problem is, what do I do after that? It took me forever to get this job and I don't know how I'd manage for some time without spending money, I guess I'll just have to be careful with it. There aren't many jobs going and the ones that I could potentially do, look like they'd tip me over the edge. I've always dealt with shame from a young age. I put myself through hell in this job because I didn't want everyone thinking I'm a loser and can't work, especailly my family. They keep assuring me that's not going to happen. But as you can tell, that hasn't settled with me. A part of me feels like I need to start moving forward, looking into what I enjoy doing. I'm really good with computers, I found that out when I was younger. However, where I live, IT jobs are basically non-exsistent. Some IT jobs I could've done if I could drive, but I don't have a car. I'm not sure if I could drive because of my autism. I don't know if I'd struggle driving because I can get easily distracted and can panic in a stressful situation. Hopefully things can turn around and I can find some sort of sign that will point me in the right direction. Thanks for reading.",2 I don't know why am I exist I have absolutely no reason to live I don't wanna live no more I wanna be dead only time I pray to God is when I want to die I don't think he hears me out I have no purpose in life I don't have nothing to be greatful u get me I don't actually remember how happiness fells like I am so numb and I can't give a shit about anything I just wanna erase myself from this fucked up world please help me at least talk about random things to distract me I can't fucking take it anymoreeeeeeeee,2 "So just like most people, I struggled with my ADHD my whole. I didn't know I have it for the majority of my life, but around two years ago my mental health started declining and I started doing research on why that might be. At some point I came to ADHD which felt insanely relatable and like something that might cause a lot of issues for me. Without much hesitation I went to see a psychiatrist and after tests and a lot of talking I was diagnosed with ADHD. This happened around half a year ago at the end of the school year. Me and my psychiatrist decided that it would be best to give me medications after the summer break so we could compare my results and figure out which medications work the best. So during that time I decided to really think whether I want to be medicated or not. I decided that the best thing I could do is for the last time try to eliminate all the potential causes of my ADHD symptoms in case my problems don't come from ADHD or don't come from ADHD alone. I quit social media, pornography and masturbation, video games and things that are potentially harmful. I started reading more, got into philosophy. Started searching for ""the way"" to live my life. I got immensely inspired by Nietzsche's ideas and decided to take my life back into my hands. Here's the thing. Besides the fact that I feel much more inspired, my mental health is in it's all time low position. Even though I feel inspired, I don't feel motivated and to be honest I feel like I'm not capable of doing anything at all and certain symptoms of depressions are occurring more and more often. One of the things that doesn't help is my friends who talked me into thinking that meds are the easy way out and not really necessary. The worst part is that I sort of started to believe in them. Together with a philosophical urge to do everything by myself and achieve everything by will power only, I'm in a position where I am one phone call away from getting medicated, but it sort of feel like losing. I really don't know what to do. What do you guys recommend?",0 "Hi all ~ My name's Brian and I had a really brutal accident that almost killed me at 17. June 12 was the 5 year anniversary. I'd been doing quite well, and have done a lot of work (therapy twice a week for 5 years does work) but I had a massive panic attack that day. Since then, so like 11 days now, I've been having MASSIVE retraumatization symptoms - a fear of death at every turn, a feeling like the world isn't real/time isn't real, a feeling like I have no purpose. I go to work still every day but the mornings have been really hard, and three feelings wax and wane during the day. When I have nothing to do, it gets really really bad and I can even start to feel suicidal. My therapist thinks the political climate/virus and the anniversary probably contributed to it. I am trying to get back to feeling safe and I think I'm getting better each day. Are any of you also experiencing this? Is it worse due to the virus? Can you offer any coping strategies that might help? I've never had a retraumatization episode before so it's been really difficult. Thanks, and much love. ~B",3 "For a few time I feel disconnected from reality. I have the feeling that what I see is not reality but a dream. I don't know if it's linked to the spectrum but when I do something like talking with someone I feel that my actions doesn't have any impact on the real world. I don't know if what I'm writing makes sense. This feeling may occur because I haven't saw anybody for a long time. I feel totally confused about myself.",3 "My wife, age 44, has just received an ASD diagnosis. She says the ASD diagnosis is a stigma, and that she feels as if part of her has died. For me, knowing about her ASD is helping me to be more consistent, more patient, more accommodating of her need for space and silence, and to stay calmer and more compassionate when she has a meltdown. But she fears that people who know about her ASD, including me, will just put all the blame on her any time she gets upset, instead of reflecting on their own actions. If you have insights about coming to terms with an ASD diagnosis -- whether your own or your partner's -- I would love to hear it. Hopefully, she will read your comments for herself. Thanks very much.",3 "I'm undiagnosed (I have an appointment this Thursday) and one of the reasons I think I have ADHD is my inability to read. During silent reading time at school I would get out a book and just sit there staring around the room letting my mind wander. Eventually the teachers noticed this and told me to focus on reading. I would try to read but I genuinely could not pay attention for more than a few minutes. Even when I forced myself to try and focus, I would read a whole paragraph without really comprehending what I just read because I'm using 100% of my brain power to try and not get distracted. I knew HOW to read, I just couldn't focus enough to actually do it. So I would just sit there with a book in front of me, staring at the pages while thinking about whatever my mind wandered to, occasionally flipping the pages to make it look like I was reading. This continued on for years. My teachers, friends, and family all think I've read the entire Harry Potter series but I literally never read a single one. I just watched the movies so I could pass the reading comprehension tests and still get a passing grade. I've never told anyone about this. Everyone always thought I was so smart. Everyone thinks I really have my shit together. I wish I wouldn't have faked being normal. I wish I would've tried to get help sooner. The only way I ever managed to read a book is by listening to audiobooks. If I listen to just the audiobook, I still can't pay attention to it and I get distracted, so I have to listen to the audio while reading along with it. And STILL I have to go back every now and then because I still struggle to keep my focus. I don't even know the purpose of this post. I'm just ranting. I really like reading and I wish I could do it more",0 "i have a girlfriend who makes me enjoy life more often than not. she is extremely supportive and loving of me and me when i hit my lows but i can’t help but feel like i am a burden. she’s the one thing i look forward to in my life but even then i don’t see the purpose of anything. i’m always tired but can’t bring myself to sleep, never feel the need to eat. telling her how i feel only makes me feel worse because she worries about me. i don’t want her to worry. i just want to be happy and normal. i hate this life. it’s only pain and fear",2 "Most of my day, I’ll be fine. I’ll be doing what needs to be done and going about my day and feeling status quo, but then suddenly, I’ll get this wave of depression over me that only lasts a few seconds, but it’s like getting punched in the gut. Now, it’s important to note that I’ve been chronically depressed since childhood, but this is nothing like that. This is… despair. This is 3 seconds of wanting to die and then it passes. Has anyone ever experienced this?",2 Sometimes imagine pointing a gun to my head and pulling the trigger? Doesn't really seem too healthy of a thing to do but it only lasts a few minutes and then I move on.,2 "I'm only alive for my therapist, coworkers, family and friends...which I know is a lot of people but still. Is it worth it really to just live for them? They say suicide is selfish, but I'm putting everyone else first and this is my life. If I wouldn't hurt so many people I would be long gone....Ive been feeling this way for a long time and its not fair. I'm alive for others, not for me. Even my profession shows that.",2 "Can anyone relate to me? Whenever I get bored at school, it just feels like I'm too lazy to even move my muscles or pick up that pencil. I feel under-stimulated, my head just feels... I don't know, maybe a bit numb? I just feel unmotivated to do work, the boredom is so strong I could sorta physically ""feel"" the boredom. I also might feel a bit tired when bored in some situations. Does anyone feel the same as me when bored?",0 "⚠️ includes drug use and suicidal thoughts ⚠️ This has been a hard year for my boyfriend and I. My dad was diagnosed with cancer, which thankfully has regressed a bit thanks to surgery and lifestyle changes even though I still feel like he doesn’t want to tell me his days are numbered. My boyfriend’s dad almost died from covid and was in a medical coma for two months and now thankfully he’s in physical rehab getting better every day, but *his* girlfriend of many years is basically going awol blowing all his money and now we’re worried about my bf’s dad being taken care of after rehab as well as his little brothers because we have no idea how well she’s been taking care of them either. We can’t really get cops or cps involved due to complicated circumstances. And due to those circumstances we have lost connections to our dealer, and I haven’t been weed free for about *eight* years. And honestly I’ve never felt more disgusted with myself because of how much I need it to get through day to day life. Since we ran out I’ve basically just gone to the shrooms we’ve had stashed for months, I normally only did them once every few months. I’ve never been a hard drug user but it started with “shroomie Saturdays” and now it’s basically any night I know I have the next day off just for the hell of it. And the thing is, it’s not like it makes me feel better. I know what I’m doing isn’t healthy but I just want something to help me forget and stop worrying and I’m not a drinker at all either. Honestly I even cut back a lot on weed the past few months before we finally ran out. I’m not that far gone where I’ll do anything to get more of anything, I know where else I could get it and I’m fully choosing not to, because I don’t *want* to be like this. But since we ran out of weed I went from being on one antidepressant to now *three* different medications. Now I’m also on one for anxiety and one for migraines. I know a lot of it is from the added stress of my bf’s family situation and my job. I never wanted to be on so many pills either, I’m definitely one of those people who prefers the medicinal benefits of weed. My bf keeps saying I shouldn’t be the one worrying about his family but I legitimately can’t help it. I feel like I’m ruining my life and because of my mother in law I’m going to be dragged down further. I keep trying to just *talk* to my bf, but it turns into him getting upset at me because he thinks I’m too dependent on weed and it’s just making me feel worse. I know he still loves me and he treats me really well in all other aspects of our relationship but I’m so disgusted with myself that I just want his support that he doesn’t seem to want to give me. He’s just not good at showing affection *at all.* I feel like there hasn’t been a single night lately where *we* just hung out. It’s always he gets home and instantly to the ps5 with his friends for HOURS every single night. Doesn’t matter how good the dinner I made was, doesn’t matter how interested in his day or how his dad is doing I am, doesn’t matter if I’m sad about something unless I make a big deal over it. Idk how it’s even possible to feel this loved and neglected at the same time. He only seems to give me attention if I act out at this point or when he wants sex. And it makes me feel worse because *hes* the one actually going though everything but he refuses any sympathy or any time I just want to be affectionate or talk to him. I shouldn’t be the one making his life harder. I honestly feel like he doesn’t want me anymore when I know that’s not true, if anything he’s just disappointed but he keeps reassuring me that this is just a really stressful time for us. But I also don’t want to stay and continue to be a toxic presence to him either. I just feel like I have no where else to go because I just want to be with him. I’d rather die than be without him because this is the guy I legitimately want to spend the rest of my life with but I just keep fucking up. I’m so angry at myself at this point. I know that I’m the problem.",2 "I am a 27 year had an 28 year old partner , she left me . I was gotten back together with am ex gf.we talked it out about the issues before we got back together. She came to me with a few finical issues and I guess I was guliable fool came up with a plan working over time and extra cash jobs to help her pay off debt. I explained to her that currently due to the living conditions and life situations I was was attempting to start a think tank company while I work a day job and also living with my co-workers who are also friends. I know these friends are slobs and part of the deal was I would do most of the cleaning and they would pay for food. I know that doesn't give me alot of time to spend with her. I would try my best every day to cook what she likes and keep up balancing life and work, we had our up and downs. I though we were stable and she suggested we get a dog. I thought it through and was able to afford the dog. She showed me and my room mates a middle sized dog. How ever the dog she showed up with was a extra large dog. We all let the dog size slide. I did not question where she got the dog from. Me and my room mates would train and love the dog. I would pay for all vet bills, training, food, treats, and toys. I was also responsible for daily walks. On my birthday, I was threaten by her friend who has a crush on her. She made me brush it off. Well from that incident thing started falling apart. After a few weeks she left. She told me she needed help , and wants to work on her self and I believed her , she said she would come back and would be no contact. Well a few weeks have pass and I see she went on a trip with the friend . I ignored it but a few more incidents. I confirm from another friend that they are official and she didn't want me to know. Well same day I found out this information, 2 mins after having a major accident on the way home. Now due to this accident I am disabled and will have life long injuries. I now have several surgery and several months of healing and physio therapy. Best case scenario I keep my foot and loose all flexibility. How ever the doctor said it is one of worst case he has seen and I may have expect to to amputate my foot if my foot doesn't heal properly. My friends are now all helping me while I heal. Same day I got this information I blocked her and refused to talk to her. How ever the informationof my accident got to my ex gf came saying she came take the dog from me now. Well Reddit my emotion are mixed, my life is a mess and I feel suicidal, I don't know what I should do. It has been 2 weeks since my accident. I know I am guliable idiot , but with all that has happened I don't know but I am still in love with her and would wish she would come back. I know that won't happen, and I would be a fool to let that happen. Reddit I am questioning now is should I talk to her and get closure on My emotion and cut all contact and deal the dog drama. Or should remain no contact and and ignore her. I know this sound also childish, but to try express my emotion I wrote a letter . I really want to give her this letter but I've been holding on it to it for a few weeks, and I've asked a few friends and they said to let it go and not to be stupid. No way in any circumstances I am parting with my dog. She does not have the financies and place for a dog this size. My friend heard rumor she threating she has the reciept for the dog. I don't know what to do Reddit. Should I send her the letter or walk away TLDR: ex gf wants to take dog away, and OP has emotional issues",2 Someone talk to me I’m desperate oh my god Ifs bscmcsjj,2 "I do this a lot during these times, and it almost seems to happen involuntarily. Wondering if I'm the only one",3 I’m having medical problems and am bed ridden and quickly becoming addicted to pain killers. Meanwhile my wife is busting her ass taking care of the home and kids. I just want to help her or earn a living. Thanks for letting me vent,2 "Saying my social skills are terrible would be a great understatement. I cant have a single conversation without stuttering, forgetting my words, making everything awkward etc. im always embarrassing myself and i beat myself up about it later. I should also mention ive had this whole year at my new school to make friends but im not sure if anyone i hang out with considers me a friend. We’ve never actually hung out anywhere outside of school and i dont know how to invite people anywhere either. I think its not only because my social skills are so bad its also because I hide everything about me too much, because ive always been judged for whatever i do/act so I instinctively hide my personality and interests so i seem like a boring person. I dont know how to improve either and the insecurities that stem from this makes my social skills worse and it just becomes a loop. I have one day left on monday before my school year ends and after that ill be alone for a few months with no one to talk to or spend time with and I’ll probably go back to school to meet my friends again and i dont know if they’ll talk to me, they might but probably because they feel like they have to. Thats why i usually try to give my friends space but i dont know if it works. Does anyone else go through anything similar? Sorry that this was so detailed it became a bit of a vent",0 "Hey guys I was just wondering if any of you have noticed yourself doing repetitive movements. Like I keep tensing up my neck and back muscles and whenever I stop I get this weird uncomfortable feeling until I start again. It's causing some serious neck and back pain for me lately. Does this sound like OCD? I've been diagnosed with OCD for other things (intrusive thoughts, constant checking things, repeatedly having to say words over and over again but with the same H sound, etc..) I've just been really wondering if these repetitive tensing/flexing movements are to do with my OCD or if I should start looking at other things with my therapist? Thanks!",1 "Recently, my intrusive thoughts have been fixating on what if I don’t actually have OCD or I’m purposefully faking it. I then proceed to do compulsions after that obsession. It’s exhausting to know that this IT is stupid and wrong, but still feeling trapped by it. It’s literally being disproven by existing, but it’s weaseled itself into my brain and I can’t get it out.",1 "I suffer from Pectus Excavatum, it can either occur during birth or puberty, in my case it happened during a growth spurt at 13 and I’ve never been happy since. As a young adult male at 21, having a deformed chest, having to look at it 24/7, cringing and feeling it it 24/7, having doctors incapable in my country to do the surgery to fix it. That knowing there’s a cure but I can’t afford surgery in America. Not the go fund me type as it would be embarrassing letting the world know I’m deformed. On top of all this bullshit having my sister die from a od when I was 17. I think of suicide everyday but the only thing holding me back is that if I die I can not leave the damage of my death with my mom as both her kids would be gone. I always had a single mom and when she’s gone I truly will be the only one left and feel like I’m fully gonna kill myself the day she leaves this world. Please those who have healthy bodies don’t take it for granted. I can not even go to the fucking gym because the more I workout my chest, the deeper my concavity gets as having a deformed rib cage causes my pecs to be deformed. I am tired of never being able to take my shirt off and never been to the beach since 13. Those who are depressed tell me the gym can ease my mind but even that will not work for me. I ask god why me, just why me? nothing makes sense anymore and I’ll die alone what female wants a guy with a deformed chest. Nobody close to me even knows how bad it is as I wear hoodies in the summer and layers all the time. It’s a lonely fucking condition to have ... I just wish I could be the way I was supposed to be but this condition has mentally fucked me up so bad. If you have no body deformations I encourage you to hit the gym and be the best version of yourself and work hard, in my case working hard in the gym I’ll still look fucking ugly as nothing can fix my deformed bones and muscle. Man fuck depression, fuck trauma of my sister being gone now. Fuck life. Fuck Pectus Excavatum I hate choosing between going to university or sacrificing these years and working construction to save up to treat a condition I didn’t wish to fucking have.",2 "What I mean by this is does anyone shower with a bit too much products. Like I would shampoo my hair three times everytime i wash it and almost every time i shower. All these soaps and shampoos have gotten so bad to the point where all of them dried out the palms of my hands to the point where the texture of my skin feels more like sandpaper than skin. It’s been happening for years and I feel bad because i’m wasting so much water and products and I just want to stop. Is anyone else dealing with this? If so, any advice?",1 "I have family coming up to visit me tomorrow for vacation. And I can't get my obsessions that are gonna be the most bothersome while they're here out of my mind.... I feel so hopeless....one of the obsessions is similar to a tick.. like its just unavoidable and ever constant. I don't go into much detail to, I don't want to trigger anyone... But if I could just pay my ocd off......i would so so do it.. I know I'm not defenseless, there's erp and help without a doubt. I just wish sometimes that everyday wasn't a battle..but it can get better. And I say that to both whoever is reading this and myself.",1 Are aspies sometimes avoidant of friends and people they know well?,3 Does anyone else feel their skin crawl and this really bad feeling with stimming because of a sound and have to do it again because it feels like I have to do it to get it out of my mind?,3 "There are many posters who have questions about the diagnostic process for Asperger's and the Autism spectrum. This thread is meant to provide a single place to post questions about getting a diagnosis, what is the process and how to get help in getting a diagnosis. It is not for requesting a diagnosis from the community or asking about behaviours that might be on the spectrum. A proper diagnosis involves someone meeting with you who interviews you and observes your behaviour. The FAQ's, over on the right side of the page, include some starting information for those who think they might be on the spectrum. Most of the focus is on the US procedures, insurance, and resources, however, there are resources in other countries. For those outside of the US who are knowledgeable about their systems, your input on this thread is welcome. An official diagnosis can help you to understand yourself and your behaviours and it can also rule out other conditions that are similar to autism but are treated differently. Some examples of conditions where behaviours mimic autism are social anxiety, depression, [highly sensitive person (HSP)](http://hsperson.com/), PTSD, OCD and others. There are on-line tests that can be used to check for the possibility of Asperger's, however, they are only a starting point, you should check with a professional therapist for an official diagnosis. On-line tests The [Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ)](https://psychology-tools.com/autism-spectrum-quotient/). Scores above 32 on this 50-question test indicate a high probability of ASD. The [Ritvo Autism Aspergers Diagnostic Scale-Revised](http://www.aspietests.org/userdetails.php?target=/raads/questions.php) is a longer (80-question) and highly accurate test. A total score above 65 on this test indicates a high probability of ASD. Once you suspect you may be on the spectrum, there is information on how to work with medical professionals and what to expect. I have included a link about forms for dealing with medical professionals. I have also included a link to a blog describing the process an adult wen through to get a diagnosis. * [AAASPIRE Healthcare Toolkit](http://autismandhealth.org/) - Link for help in going to a health care appointment. * [Musings of an Aspie, Adult Diagnosis](https://musingsofanaspie.com/adult-diagnosis/) - Series of articles describing the diagnosis for an adult For those who need help in obtaining resources for a diagnosis or help once they are diagnosed, here are some links for resources in the US. Feel free to add other links in the comments below. [Autism Source](http://www.autismsource.org/) - A search engine for resources for autism. It provides options for filtering and services can be searched based on location. [Autism Society](http://www.autism-society.org/) - This society has local groups which often have support groups that meet. Attending a support group allows you to connect with others and find out about resources in your area. There is a focus on parents with children but they are adding resources for adults on the spectrum. I found out about California resources after attending meetings. [California Regional Centers](http://www.dds.ca.gov/RC/RCList.cfm) - California has services for disabled people available at Regional Centres in the state. Services can include free diagnosis and supports after diagnosis. All ages are included. Due to budget cuts, there can be a long wait time and it may require persistence in order to get registered and obtain services. Services are not limited to autism. [Meetup.com](http://www.meetup.com/) - A central location for groups of all kinds and their meeting schedules. Search for autism in your area for a support group. You can find out a lot of information from other people dealing with autism. You can narrow the search for groups for young adults or teenagers. [Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN)](http://autisticadvocacy.org/) - A non-profit group run by autistic people for autistic people. They have chapters in the US and a few overseas. They also have pages on social media where you may be able to find out more information. Social Media Sites - I suggest searching for autism on social media sites you frequent, you may find information about local groups on places like Facebook or Twitter.",3 " I feel like my life is just mediocre in all aspects. I'm not ""living"", I'm just sort of idle while time keeps passing by. 2021 is coming to a close in a month and I feel like I'm the same person I was last year. Nothing has improved. I feel like a static character that has no ability to improve. I feel like I'm idling because I'm not good enough. \- I have a mediocre job and I'm severely underpaid because I don't have what it takes to make it to the big leagues \- I settled for a stupid degree because I wasn't good enough to do something more difficult and graduate (my GPA was still pathetic) \- I didn't win the genetic lottery, I think I'm fugly \- I feel like I'm not enough for women (I'm not an incel, I just think that women that are interested in me shouldn't be and that they can do better. I dumped a girl I was dating who was awesome because I felt that she could do so much better) \- I have never been good enough for my parents, they have never told me in 26 years of my existence that they are proud of me The recent trend in Tiktok where people show their ""Three Lives"" made me realize that I am nothing. I don't have any hobbies or things that I'm good at. I'm just an empty husk existing because I have to. I don't know who I am or what I want. People say that you shouldn't compare yourself to others and that you progress in life at your own pace. But other people are ahead, why can't I have their pace? What do I lack that they have? People also say that we tend to compare our negative traits with other people's strengths and that I probably have something that other people long for. I highly doubt anyone looks at me and goes ""I wish I was like that guy"" I feel like most of this stems from severely low self esteem and lack of self confidence but I don't know how to get out of this negative spiral. My self critique and internal monologue are my biggest enemies. No one hates me as much as I hate myself. Or maybe it's my quarter life crisis? I slept all day yesterday to get away from these thoughts consuming my mind, but here I am. I feel like ending it all to finally get some peace but I'm too much of a coward to jump off our local bridge. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.",2 Shitty. Just shitty. I gained 50 pounds in 5 months after my trauma. I remember when I was excited to go shopping for clothes. I didnt buy anything except shoes and socks. Just feel like fucking garbage.,3 I'm a trans man and came out a couple of years ago and I've had people question if I'm really trans because I have autism. Some people have told me i can't really know if I'm trans because I'm autistic (what the?) And that I was being taken advantage of? Any trans people here have similar problems?,3 "( I made a post to get feedback on a story I was writing about PTSD, here’s an update. I want to make sure I’m being considerate and accurate, and be sure I’m representing this community in a positive way. ) The story starts off with a little boy named Aaron who’s shown to have a stuffed toy horse imaginary friend named tumbleweed. Tumbleweed is his best friend and Aaron does everything with him. He eats lunch with him, sleeps with him, and plays his favourite game, (cowboys) with him. It turns out that tumbleweed isn't just his imaginary friend but a stuffed toy that he holds close. Aaron sees tumbleweed as a walking, talking thinking, being who’s always by his side. Even on this special day, tumbleweed is by Aaron’s side. It’s the start of a new school year, 4th grade and Aaron is very nervous to go back, his parents held his hand as they drop him off to his class. Aaron looks around at the rowdy children yelling and playing in the class. The loud noise makes his ears ring and his heartbeat quicken. His mother squeezes his hand and smiles down at him, the teacher comes up to Aaron and greets him. “ You must be Aaron, My name is Mrs Hoda, I'll be your teacher!” Aaron nervously shakes her hand before retreating back behind his mother. She walks with Aaron to his seat before leaving the class with his parents to talk. Aaron hides tumbleweed in his desk hoping the other children don’t see him. He squeezes his best friend's arm and tries to relax. Another boy with black messy hair, buzzed on the sides"" sits across from him, he's surrounded by other kids as they talk and laugh, he spots Aaron giving him an odd look before returning to his friends. Aaron is shy and doesn’t interact much with other students. He mostly talks to tumbleweed but whenever anyone comes close he gets nervous and hides his friend. The day goes on and Aaron finds it difficult to concentrate as tumbleweed would always distract him by telling him funny jokes or changing things around him before he knows it's break time and everyone rushes outside to play. Aaron stays inside and draws by himself, a group of kids takes interest in him and invites him to play at recess, at first his imaginary friend tries to stop him from playing with other kids. “Aaron, don't go, don’t you like playing with me?” Aaron hesitates at the thought. One of the kids in the group, the same boy who spotted Aaron first introduces himself “Hi, I’m Shiro, what's your name?” Aaron stays silent for a little while before stuttering a response. “A-Aaron.” Shiro smiles “We’re going out to play tag, Aaron, want to come with us?” Aaron shakes his head, Shiro’s smile turns into disappointment. He then notices Aaron’s cowboy drawing and his wild west backpack. “You really like cowboys huh?” Aaron nods his head. Shiro suggests playing cowboys, and Aaron’s eyes light up. The kids look at each other in agreement. They laugh and run outside calling for Aaron to hurry up. Aaron looks at tumbleweed and he stuffs him in his sweater pocket, before heading out. Ep2 Aaron joins the kids and after a little while, it seems He is enjoying himself, it's been a long time since he'd played with other kids his age. With all the running around Aaron failed to notice that tumbleweed was beginning to slip out of his pocket, suddenly the laughing and playing stops. “ what’s this?” Aaron turns around to the source of the voice and spots tumbleweed in the ground, he freezes as he sees his toy lying there with all eyes on it, Shiro looms over it raising his eyebrow. He picks it up and smirks. “Is this yours?” Aaron nervously responds. “G-give him back!” Shiro and the other kids question the toy and start to poke fun at Aaron for still having a stuffed animal for babies, Aaron tries to get his toy back but Shiro pushes him back, Aaron begins to breathe heavily, he doesn’t see just his favourite toy being taken away but his imaginary friend calling for help as he’s being tossed around. Tumbleweed cries for help. “Aaron save me! Save me!” Aaron tries to grab his friend again as the other laughs, Shiro dodges once again, shaking the toy as if to taunt Aaron. Shiro laughs and Aaron finally manages to get a hold of tumbleweed and tries to snatch him away but through all the roughhousing, tumbleweed rips in half, his broken body in Aaron’s hand and his ripped arm in Shiro’s. Tumbleweed’s imaginary friend form tries to reach out to Aaron before dissipating into nothing. Shiro looks down at the piece of stuffed fabric in his grasp and then looks up at Aaron, who is frozen in place as he looks at his friend's lifeless body. His face etched with both grief, shock and horror. Suddenly in a flash, the world around Aaron begins to get hazy. A loud car horn buzzes in the background, flashes of tumbleweed and an unknown boy with ginger hair and freckles flash past Aaron’s eyes. This triggers something and Aaron snaps, he hits Shiro and he falls to the ground with a thud holding his face. Remnants of blood drip down his cheek as he holds onto it tightly. Shiro whimpers, tears begin to form and dribble down his cheek before sobbing loudly. all the other children start to stare and whisper. Aaron realizes what he's done, he feels everyone’s eyes on him and he begins to breathe heavily again. He grabs tumbleweed and runs away in a panic. Aaron hides out behind the school, he sits with his knees pulled to his chest, he quietly cries to himself as he tries talking to tumbleweed. “Tumbleweed… Tumbleweed wakeup, please. I need you to be okay, you're my friend you can’t go… why… Why did you have to go…” Tumbleweed doesn't respond and lays “lifeless” in Aaron’s hand as Aaron continues to cry. Ep3 Before you know it, Aaron’s school day is cut short as the teacher calls in his parents and he’s taken home. The car ride home is quiet, Aaron’s mother drives the car, she looks through the rearview mirror to see her son expressionless and quiet. The parents worry about him, sharing glances and such on the ride home. A dishevelled Aaron blankly stares out the window, an armless tumbleweed pressed against his chest. “Don't worry, Aaron sweetie, I'm sure we can fix his arm.” Aaron doesn't say anything. The parents look at each other with worry “I'm sorry about tumbleweed honey. I know it's been a rough day and you're upset but… But hitting that boy was wrong.” No response “Did you apologize?” No response. “Aaron?” Still nothing “Aaron your mother is talking to you” Aaron’s mom motions to the father to let it go. “We’ll talk with him when we get home, right now we should give him some space.” The parents take a deep sigh, Aaron’s father rubs his head and looks at a piece of paper with an address on it. “The Nakumura’s huh? Well, it's a good thing Mrs Hoda gave us their address, I’ll head over there tomorrow and hopefully, things will sort themselves out” Aaron continues to look out the window as his parents converse, squeezing tumbleweed tighter. We cut to a nurse’s office. A sweet little nurse tends to Shiro’s wound. The nurse sticks a big bandage on his cheek and comforts him. “All done, I'll give you some extra bandages to take home.” She then leaves the office to get the extra bandages leaving Shiro alone, Shiro looks around the room as he waits, he then reaches into his pocket and takes out the ripped piece of tumbleweeds arm. He glares at the arm in distaste before softening his expression, guilt washes over him as he remembers Aaron’s face, the terror and fright in seeing his toy destroyed etched in Shiro’s mind. Shiro subconsciously puts his hand on his cheek where the wound is as he spaces out looking at the toy, he flinches as he makes contact, snapping out of his trance, he then notices his bracelet on his wrist. Sadness glazes over his eyes as he remembers the person who gave him the bracelet. ( Flashback dance ♪┏(・o･)┛♪┗ ( ･o･) ┓♪) An old lady is shown to be tending to a younger Shiro who’s sitting on the ground holding his knee. His pants were ripped and hair dishevelled. Tears flow down his cheeks as the old lady cleans up and applies a bandage on his scraped knee. A bright red bracelet wraps her frail arm as she tenderly fixes up his wound. She then sits on a chair, a yellow sewing kit next to her as she sews away. Shiro lays his head on her lap looking up in admiration as she fixes the hole on his ripped pants. Tiny tears form at the corner of his eyes and Shiro shakes his head to wash away the memories. He looks back at his bracelet and then at tumbleweed's arm, he takes a big sigh and puts the arm back into his pocket before slumping back in his chair. At night as Aaron sleeps with tumbleweed close to him his parents argue about whether they should take Aaron out of school or not, about taking him to the doctor now or wait, for their already set appointment for next week. “He just attacked another kid! We can't just let that slide because of this issue! I told you He isn't ready to go back to school!” “ I know! But what then!? He’ll never go to school? He doesn't make any friends!? We want him to have a normal life, right? He can't just play alone with his fairytales all day!” “He just needs more time! I’m telling you it's for his own safety and the safety of the other kids!” “How can you talk about our child like that! Like, like he's some ticking time bomb! It's been months! We can't take him out again!” “Well, then what should we do then?” “Doctor! We have to go to the doctor's tomorrow” “He has an appointment for this week already let's just wait till then, he just needs a bit of space” “We can't wait! It's better if we go as soon as we can, I'm sure Dr Khan can help us out more.“ Through the noise, Aaron sleeps restlessly, he twists and turns as he begins to get a disturbing nightmare, bringing back fragments of memories that were repressed in his mind for so long. flashes of a playground and a car horn blaring in the background. He sees tumbleweed standing in the middle of the road calling for help. The scene rapidly switches back and forth between tumbleweed and an unknown boy with ginger hair and freckles. Aaron tries to reach out to get to his friend, the car horn buzzing in the background growing louder and louder. Suddenly tumbleweed gets hit with a car and goes flying, his stuffing falls as snow and Aaron stands alone staring in horror. Aaron gets up with a start and begins to sob loudly alerting the parents who come to comfort him, they both nod and decide that going to the doctor now is probably best. Aaron continues to sob, clutching onto his parents, tumbleweed leaning against him with his other arm on Aaron’s leg as if to soothe him. Ep4 The next day Aaron and his parents go to the doctor's (therapist). After his session, Aaron sits by the couch surrounded by toys as his parents talk to the doctor. He holds on to tumbleweed and tries talking to him but all he sees is his toy and not his imaginary friend. A single tear falls down Aaron’s cheek as he clutches tumbleweed in his hands. “Please come back, I don't have any other friends… I need you” Aaron whispers to himself trying hard to hold back more tears. The parents discuss their worries about sending their child to school again after the events that day to the doctor. As the doctor and parents talk we see the state of the room they're in. Toys lay across the table, child-friendly posters cover the walls with slogans such as “How do you feel” “How to deal with feeling scared and sad?” “Does your child have PTSD?” “Trauma and me” Etc… The doctor reveals how for a young boy his age, going through the trauma of seeing his friend die from a car collision is going to take a long time to recover and that it’s best that he continues to interact with normal activities like school if they want things to get better. “If we start to treat him differently he's going to feel different and I don't mean that in a positive way. Problems like insecurity and anxiety may arise, if he doesn't develop proper social skills then it would affect how he behaves and reacts to real-life situations so it's best that he continues going to school and taking part in normal activities if we want to progress.” At this point, the audience learns that tumbleweed is the imaginary embodiment of Aaron’s best friend who he lost and uses him as a kind of coping method from the trauma. After the session, the parents leave the doctors, Aaron in hand. Aaron’s dad lets go of his hand and makes his way to the car. “ I'll drop you two home and then head to the Nakumura’s-” “Wait…” Aarons mother remembers what the doctor said, She squeezes his hand and gets down on one knee. “You should come too Aaron, let’s all go together” Aaron shakes his head. “No… I don’t want to” “I know you’re scared But… apologizing is the right thing to do, who knows maybe you’ll make a new friend” Aaron hesitates. “Both me and your dad will be with you… and so will tumbleweed… right?”Aaron looks down at his toy solemnly before agreeing. Aaron’s dad pushes the doorbell and a tall woman with medium length black hair opens the door. She notices Aaron hiding behind his mother. She furrows her brow a bit before relaxing “Ah… you must be Aaron, and his parents” “Sorry to drop in like this, we wanted to meet you in person.” As the adults talk Aaron notices Shiro inside and he notices him too before darting away. Aaron makes a face and awkwardly hides further behind his mother gripping her jeans. “Aaron…” His mother coos, she nudges him forward and he comes out from hiding. Aaron looks up at the tall woman before bringing his eyes down. “I’m… I’m sorry” The tall woman smiles at Aaron. “Please come inside” Ep5 Aaron and his parents walk into the home which was very neat and organized but also had a nice warm and homey feeling. The tall woman calls to Shiro who slowly stomps downstairs, He and Aaron make eye contact and Aaron looks away, anxiously squeezing tumbleweed. “Say hello to our guests honey.” Shiro spits out a grumpy hello, avoiding eye contact. The tall woman crosses her arms and nudges her son to go on. “Aaron came to apologize, don’t you think you should do the same, young man?” Shiro glares at Aaron but softens his expression as he sees Aaron slightly shaking and holding onto tumbleweed. Shiro apologizes through his teeth, and his mother smiles in satisfaction. “I'll go make some tea.” The parents sit at the table chatting over their brew, Aaron sits on the ground with tumbleweed tucked between his crossed legs as if trying to hide him but still keeping him close, Shiro sits across from him, he eyes the toy as he fiddles with his bracelet. “Why do you carry around that thing with you everywhere” Aaron flinches at his bluntness and looks down. “He means a lot to me… He’s… My friend” Shiro looks down at his bracelet and lightly fumbles around with it. Aaron sweats nervously as he waits for some kind of retort but Shiro just shrugs before standing up and going upstairs. Aaron watches him with confusion. “What are you sitting around for, follow me.” Aaron hastily gets up and awkwardly runs after Shiro. Shiro's room is cluttered with clothes, toys and books. He has posters and drawings on his wall and his desk is covered with paint and other crafty things. Aaron watches in curiosity as Shiro timidly takes out a yellow sewing kit from his drawers and opens it on his desk. “Give me your toy” Shiro puts his hand out and Aaron flinches away and shakes his head “You want him to be fixed don’t you?” Aaron nods his head “Don’t worry… I promise it won't hurt him..” Aaron looks at Shiro taken aback, he slowly relaxes and looks at tumbleweed before handing Shiro tumbleweed. He takes out a needle with a thick red thread trailing off it. He slowly inserts the needle into the fabric and Aaron flinches, closing his eyes. He takes a peek as Shiro works away. Aaron looks over Shiro’s shoulder with eagerness as if to make sure that tumbleweed doesn't get hurt in the procedure. Shiro works slowly, mostly due to embarrassment and having someone looking over him. Regardless, he focuses on each stitch, his hand slightly shaky but it seems like he knows what he’s doing. In a matter of a couple of minutes, Shiro cuts off the excess thread before handing it to Aaron. Aaron stares in awe at tumbleweed, his friend back to how he was. He takes a hold of him, The red thread is brightly visible, the stitching slightly messy but sturdy. Aaron grins ear to ear, he looks around excitedly, trying to spot his imaginary friend standing next to him, good as new but he's nowhere to be found, his expression drops and his eyes stop at Shiro who looks at him confused. “What's wrong?” “He’s not here” “Huh?” “Nothing I-” Aaron looks down at tumbleweed, he gives a sad smile squeezing him “Thank you,” “Sure…. But you better not tell anyone about this or else” “Why, I think your sewing is nice” “My grandma showed me how… It's kind of lame but it is sort of fun to do” Aaron gives a small laugh before dropping his face again, “I'm sorry I hit you, I didn't mean it” “Yeah, it hurt a lot, you dummy… But it's okay, the bandage kind of makes me look cool. They both giggle, finally warming up to each other. “Shiro, Aaron! Do you boys want some snacks? I have some leftover brownies” Shiro gets up with a start and heads to the door. “Mom makes the best brownies come on!” Aaron watches Shiro leaving him alone, he places tumbleweed on the desk next to the sewing kit, leaving him behind before chasing after Shiro. End",3 "I usually wear some chunky headphones, kind of like ear defenders. For the rest of the time I keep silicone ear putty to push into my ears when I'm getting over stimulated. However, this is proving difficult in hearing people and traffic, for example when I'm going for a walk or at the supermarket and need to hear instructions from the person at the till. I'm considering some of the bone conducting headphones but I was hoping I could hear your experiences using them.",3 "I am a monster. I am in treatment for OCD for 1.5 months now. But I have days where my bad side still shows up. I am a medical student. 21F. Today I was in the OT and we were wearing scrubs. The scrubs were low necked. We were all standing close to each other and I noticed that my arm nudged someone's boob. I didnt make a big deal cuz we were crowding. However I apologized. Then it nudged someone else's boob. I apologized. She said ""its ok"". Then I thought I am a monster cuz such things dont happen by mistake. Then everytime I went closer I would hope my boob would touch their arm or shoulder to see their reaction. I would also stare at others to see if this was happening. Idk I was filled with so much anxiety. I kinda molested them didn't I? I tried to touch my boobs to them/their to me on purpose to see their reaction. How fucked up is that",1 "**TL;DR:** tonight was the second time my boyfriend asked me to try and stop raising my voice at him as much (never out of anger, just when I’m emphasizing a point while we’re bantering). I feel like there’s such little reaction time when I do it that it might just not even be possible to learn to intercept myself and stop it, as it’s an unconscious behavior. Have you ever managed to undo an impulsive habit like that, for the sake of yourself or a loved one? What helped you undo it or lessen it? I’m especially referring to verbal habits, e.g. talking back to authority figures, excessive cursing (if you’ve wanted to or have felt pressure to limit it), making random noises, etc. Habits that have maybe a nanosecond between the impulse being created and acting on it. For me, I want to try and rein in the intensity of my reactionary comments to others, especially the people closest to me. In the last few years I’ve noticed that when I react to something another person says, particularly if I want to do so with sarcasm or frustration, the severity of my tone is a lot worse than I perceive it to be. Even just a day or two ago I replied to something my mom said to me, and had done so with a bit of a sneer; but once the words were out of my mouth I thought “Wow, that sounded a lot more harsh than I meant it to.” And then today I was talking with my boyfriend when he said something I disagreed with, and when I let him know that with my reply, I’d apparently raised my voice to the point where he felt yelled at, which really bothers him. (Now before anyone comes in with any “that’s immature, you should leave him” replies, he is an absolute gem of a man who is patient and otherwise endeared by all of my ADHD-driven mannerisms and slip-ups. I would much rather have a partner who skews toward oversensitive than toward obtuse or unempathetic. He clarified that this is also not a big stressor to him, but since it happens more than once in a while he wanted to address it.) I agreed that I’d try to work on it, but I told him that I wasn’t sure if I even have the ability to correct it. As a primarily-inattentive female who wasn’t diagnosed until age 21, I’ve never been given any sort of impulsive behavior-correcting discipline or strategies. I told my bf that I can start by taking my medication every day instead of just on the days I do my schoolwork, as it does help me with my impulsivity, but its side effects are intense and I’m sometimes more irritable when I take it. He responded that that may not be necessary; he does love all of me the way I am, including my “excited” side, and he added that I don’t need to change all at once. So I was curious about whether any of you have been in this sort of position. Have you developed strategies for reining in an impulsive bad habit?",0 when online its clear its more so about sexual stuff?,1 "Hi everyone - long story short, I’m in a bit of a rut and could use some tips and advice. I’m 27 and was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 19. I also deal with depression and anxiety, both of which are treated successfully. I’ve been taking strattera since I was 19 and was prescribed Adderall throughout college, then stopped taking it my senior year -decided with my doctor to start adderall again this past spring. I take 10mg ER. It was going great for about 7 months. Then a lot of changes happened in my life… I’m living at home after two years living across the country. I ended an internship I had for 8 months. Have been doing job applications half-way then I just leave them. I am tired of being home with my parents. My routine is nonexistent- I’m working gig jobs and making great $$ but I feel like I’m struggling everywhere else. Maybe I have a vitamin deficiency or something? I’ve napped once or twice a day every day this week. Im on the max dose of Zoloft, so nothing else my doc can do there. Just kind of at a loss here. I was also exercising consistently before I came home and I haven’t been. I’m not sad. I take proper supplements and try to eat a balanced, normal diet. I try my best to avoid citric acid containing foods on my meds… I don’t know what to do.",0 "I'm worried to start dating again know that I've been diagnosed and aware of my PTSD. Before I wasn't so self conscious of it, now I that I know i feel like its worse. Not sure how I can meet someone with my twitching, freeze tension self.",3 "I’ve noticed a lot of female users on this sub, so I’m wondering where you met your boyfriends? I am a pretty introverted person, I work full time, I don’t really belong to any social circle. I think I’m happy enough this way and I really want to be in a relationship. I just don’t know how to go about it. I have always been attracted to ‘neurotypical’ girls but of course failed to make much progress with them since we live in different worlds. I’ve only recently learned about my Aspergers so it’s making me reconsider everything about my personality and relation to others. I’m guessing the girls I would be most compatible are probably similar to me in that they don’t know how to find someone so they don’t even try. I don’t know, what should I do? I just want a mate. I dream of someone I can just slide into a routine with for years and we’ll be comfortable and understanding with each other and help each other progress.",3 "I fell asleep and woke up 16 mins ago (an hour later) just tried to go back to sleep but my brains like ""omg omg hey hey listen to me hey hey"" yk that thing your brain does. So I'm in bed and is it just be that doesn't notice how much your actually thinking and then suddenly you realise you've been thinking about drumming and how you're literally a walking adhd stereotype sometimes and about how surely flipping a coin can't be an exactly 50/50 chance because one side had gotta be at least slightly heavier than the other right? And then you realised you're definitely not going to be able to sleep",0 I don't even know what to look for. From what I've seen it looks to be primarily focused on young kids and their parents. It feels like I've been abandoned and that I have to do everything myself. But I can't because I'm completely lost in knowing what to do to get out of my shitty situation. And nothing I've done so far has had any reasonable or positive effect. Nothing I've said in any counseling I've done has made any amount of difference. All I'm doing is just wasting my time. Unless I'm just too functional. But then again im stuck in place and can't do anything.,3 "I don't want my service dog to be teargassed. ​ I don't want to be teargassed. I don't want my service dog to be shot with mace bullets and rubber bullets .I don't want to be shot with mace and rubber bullets. I don't want to disassociate or shut down in the middle of a crowd of people. I've donated money. I've posted on social media. I've talked to my white family. I've tried to educate myself and others. But I feel like I should be there. How do I get there? Do I try to form a disabled people for black lives group? And we all go together and look out for each other? Edit: Is the answer to this really, no, I can't? Or is there a way to get there?",3 "Hey everyone, I just thought I’d share to get this out. I feel myself slipping further and further and regardless of meds and attempts to slow myself from doing anything I’m just going down hill. It’s taking everything I have to hold my job the only reason I still have my job is because I work remote. With school I’m doing well but I know if I let myself slip that’s it. I’m tired I’m taking multiple naps a day just to get through. I just feel hollow. I don’t even want to mention my gf she has to deal with this I feel awful. She’s wonderfully supportive and probably deserves so much better. I just want happiness. For reference I spent three years in the army went through a divorce at 21 and lost a good buddy to suicide the same year and I’ve just never been the same. I’m ruined mentally right now and I can’t seem to get out. I feel like if I let myself go I’m just gonna do it. I’m just sitting here staring at a wall crying because I can’t get my shit together.",2 "Just wondering if anyone has any experience taking Prozac , much appreciated",2 "I was diagnosed with ADD in my junior year of college, along with a generalized anxiety disorder, and recently found that Strattera was very helpful in combating my symptoms. When I started taking it during my first year of graduate school, I found that I was able to keep up with more basic tasks and felt generally more fulfilled, but I was also less interested in my studies. For a long time, physics made me feel as though I could actually achieve something in my life despite my ineptitude in everything else. Now that I'm taking Strattera, I suddenly can do all these things that I couldn't do before, and suddenly physics doesn't hold as much interest for me anymore. But, I am currently in a prestigious program to study physics, and if I leave I will feel like a failure. If anyone has any advice, I would love to hear it.",0 "Not sure if that makes sense, but I feel like if I stop thinking about it it isn’t contained anymore, and it’ll be a reality.",1 "Can anyone relate with how disappointing it feels? I spent years processing my traumatic childhood and now I realize I retraumatized myself due to my occupation in the health field. I tried to co-exist with it, but it’s slowly eating at my enjoyment, motivation, and interests. I decided to withdraw from my prestigious program, so I can devote myself to trauma processing and learn how to take care of myself again. I understand this is the “right” choice and I have the support of my peers and advisors, but I feel so disheartened by this decision. My career motivated me to overcome traumatic events and now I can’t resume my work nor study. I am very thankful that my program emphasizes self-care and wellness. I have several months to breathe, process, and learn to care about my needs again.",3 "I've got an appointment in March with an NHS Right to Choose provider, but they don't start titration until six months after my appointment. I'm getting very frustrated with waiting and I'm thinking of going private. I have a little bit of savings to spend on this, but I'm not in a financial position to keep spending lots, and I have a low income. I know my first appointment will cost money. I know that if I get diagnosed, the report will cost money. I know that a first appointment for medication will cost money, and I imagine the medication will too. Other than that, every provider seems unwilling to tell me the hidden costs. My GP has said that if I'm on medication with a private provider for six months or so, only then will they consider prescribing me on the NHS . Even after that, I'm assuming I might need to pay for yearly check ins? Can anyone please give me a ball park of the costs, or at least all the categories of costs I should be aware of?",0 "It’s 1AM and I’m experiencing euphoric mania. This hasn’t happened in years and I know I’m not going to fall asleep if I try. So the question is: Do I try to go to sleep? Or Do I take advantage of being manic and stay awake all night to be creative? Personally I don’t think I’ll get the answer tonight, but what would you do in my shoes? I might pull an all nighter because I’m afraid I’m not going to feel this way again for a while and I really miss it. :/",2 "Someone eventually called ne back. The woman on the phone asked a lot of questions and then told me she will send me an email in a week. A week later i got an email to coaches and other services in my area, all costing way more than i could ever afford. And the struggle continues...",3 "So, I want to get into dating in the future. If you didn't suspect it. And since I was little, at least the idea of dating was always very simple in my mind: You find a person you like. Don't need a crush, but you like them. Then you go on dates, where you look if you like them more & have the necessary stuff in common (f.ex. liking kids, future goals etc.) and if both things fit you become a happy couple aka start dating officially. However, the more I read & heard people talk about dating, the more I realised that I'm the only one that apparently thinks that way...? It gets to the point, that whenever I talk about it, it always feels like starting an argument with someone. And this includes basically every topic. Some people believing you need to kiss someone at least at the third date. Some even talking about straight up sleeping with someone at around 5 dates (not juding high libido peeps, but I mean people that insist you NEED to ""do a test drive"" together). Sometimes dating itself: How a date is supposed to be. Or at when point you become bf&gf (or bf and bf etc). Like, it always sounds so dumb, but I had convos where people say complain to not know if they're serious or not and I just ask ""well why don't you just...talk? Can't you just ask if you want to be in an official relationship?"" and I legit get chewed out that ""it doesn't work that way"". You don't just decide to become a couple. Especially in my culture, the idea of ""just becoming a couple without talking"" is so standard it has it's own fucking song. And then...there is this gatekeeping. Of fucking love itself. A term so subjective and philosphical, it is one of the main topics in every form of media since people invented *writing*. It always starts innocent. I talk with people about dating. A topic comes out, let's say kissing, and a girl talks about a guy that led her to her door after a date and expected a goodbye kiss. She then asked if we would have given him one and I just said ""No? I don't kiss anyone I don't love."" Immediatley the attention was on me. ""You don't actually expect to wait with your first kiss till you love the man, do you?"" Turns out, the way people define love is pretty...eh. What I mean with love is pretty generalising; I describe bigger forms of romantic interest. This always causes problems because people insist you can't say you ""love someone"" if you have interest, but that you need to have this firm bond you create for several years. And like, sure there's a difference, but wtf is this anger that comes with it? People treat me like I'm personally insulting them when I don't say ""I'm infatuated"" instead of ""I love"" and ""I fell in love"" instead of ""I have a crush"". Let me say whatever I want dammit! Plus, besides that, people often have this weird strife that you...need to develope affection by doing things you should do because of affection? Like kissing to create love instead of kissing because you love someone...?????? I'm so confused. It makes me really anxious to actually find a date once, because everyone gets so irritated by my simplification. And sure, I know & won't do anything I don't wanna (like not kissing someone until I'm in a firm relationship, fuck no!), but I still hate these weird thoughtplays people have.",3 I'm not sure what a meltdown is. I always wondered if I had meltdowns at home in private when I would be stressed. But what happens in public?,3 "I just came across this feature recently and it has really helped at work when music is too distracting but I need to block out sounds to concentrate. If you go to settings-accessibility-audio/visual-background sounds you can adjust the settings there and it’ll give you a list of background sounds to choose from. You can also add the hearing control to control center to quickly toggle it on and off. Not sure if this is something widely known but I thought it could help others who struggle with sound distractions and can’t always change the environment they’re in.",0 "I'm sure at 99% that I have Asperger's Syndrome. It explains thousands of strange behaviors I had and I have most symptoms if not all of the symptoms I read on the Internet. If I get professionally diagnosed I might be put under guardianship / tutelage (correct me if I'm misusing these terms). I want to be able to confidently tell someone that I have Asperger's Syndrome after having undergone a reliable test without the potential loss of independence that could occur as a consequence of it :( Is there a reliable way to get diagnosed without involving a judge supervising a guardianship? (I'm 23, French and live in France)",3 "It’s really difficult, the intrusive thoughts are exhausting. The fear of losing everything and doing things wrong constantly exhaust me. Would anyone be willing to talk to me or maybe just be there to help me find my compulsions? My mom has really bad OCD as well and unfortunately I can’t talk to her about it any help would be extremely helpful.",1 "Everything is just the same I wake up,work,go home,watch movies. And repeat plus having bad news more and more and handing bad days after another and right now I’m sick as a dog and need someone to be with me or else I feel like my head is going to explode.",2 "I've been diagnosed with PTSD for about 5 years but experiencing the symptoms for a lot longer of course.. Treatments for me have included talk therapy, CBT, medications that did nothing, and a failed ART therapist that just could not handle my level up fuckedupness. While doing research on cPTSD, I think this diagnosis fits me better, as my trauma was ongoing from my first memory up until I was 19 years old... Has anyone had their diagnosis updated and if so...do you feel the new diagnosis has helped your treatment? I.e: is it worth it to get diagnosed with cPTSD or just leave it as PTSD",3 It isn’t something I DESPISE. This isn’t a rant like my pure hatred for potato’s. But tesco is SO UGLY. ITS WAY TOO BRIGHT AND WHITE. I don’t see how Supermarkets like that are designed for people to be happy loyal shoppers. I hate the place.,3 "It’s been fine so far, I’ve gotten lots of nice food and I don’t need to personally stay for to long. All and all I’d say I’ve got a pretty good deal.",3 Everyone if my life but one person has made it so incredibly obvious I am a burden. I try so hard. I just want to die and let them all be happier.,2 Any advice or resources for helping stop obsessions/ compulsions/ perseveration?,3 "My OCD brain literally will make up fake scenarios in my brain I know are not true like wtf. Lol. Or that I ruminate about and don't want to be true, but feel like it will defenitely happen. So my brain makes up far fetched scenarios that will never happen and currently not happening lol. I think my fluoxentine is helping but not as much as it could ugh.",1 "I get angry at that person and abusive because they indirectly made me have the worst intrusive thoughts of my life. Did anyone of u experience the same thing? I don't want to make OCD my excuse but I really can't control when I get angry because of these thoughts, it's like I change into a completely different person. Sane me could never do that and I even say that's such a stupid thing for me to obsess over.",1 "I get autistic people can have depression too, and medication can help with depression, don't worry. But I feel like there's a difference between genuinely being depressed, and just being extremely burnt out. Even if the symptoms overlap which sometimes they do. I don't think NTs understand how like truly draining it is to deal with everything on a day to day basis, and never getting a break or chance to recover. I have anxiety and depression, I know (or would like to think I know) when I'm actually depressed. Or when I'm having actual anxiety. Dreading going to school (I use as an example, because I'm still in school) because it's so emotionally draining dealing with people who don't understand what it's like to be/why I'm autistic, and dealing with loud noises and bright lights, and going home to only slightly decompress before doing it all again the next day... It's stressful. I hate being pressured to get on medication, even by my family, because something that I know I can't change. My brain was born this way, and if people were just more compassionate and understanding about neurodivergents and general mental health burnouts instead of instantly pushing the idea that it's depression or anxiety and you need medication to solve it. It's seriously such a wonder what just taking a break/taking it easy can do for you when you're stressed. I know from my experience I'm not depressed all the time. I'm just depressed in situations that make me stressed and I never get a break from. And I'm not stressed in every single situation. And of course being born a girl and ""high functioning"" (I know not everyone likes that word but I'm on the Asperger's sub so I think you get what I meant), I got diagnosed with literally everything but autism for the longest time. Being on meds when I was 12 and 13 didn't make address the actual problem, which was my environment. Not my brain being depressed. And so I continued to be stressed and depressed. And when the meds didn't work I was told to change the medication or up the dose. The thing that's truly helped my mental health is people just literally being more understanding of what's going on with me and getting support where I needed it. Parents, teachers, therapist. But when I talk to NTs who aren't one of those three things, literally their go-to line is ""try meds"" and when I say that doesn't work it almost feels like I'm being shamed for not ""trying"" hard enough. Find new meds or up your dose. I'm sorry but I don't wanna medicate myself for something that would naturally make anyone depressed in my situation. Like, you don't put a grieving person who just recently lost their family member on meds because it's natural given their circumstances. Only when it becomes extreme grief or long term grief that's beyond the realm of normal are those things considered. NTs don't get that what is simple and easy for them isn't for us, and it doesn't mean we're depressed *just* because we can't do the ""easy"" things. It means we're different.",3 "I was triggered by someone saying they were touched as a kid which triggered my POCD and I know I don't want to do that to a child but had a terrible intrusive thought that was like ""they are family so its easy to abuse them cause they are always available"" and it makes me sick that if even have a intrusive thought like that and scares me and scares me Even more that that I would think something like that. Please any advice would help does anyone get intrusive thoughts like this",1 "Recently My mom discovered that I have depression but she's not sad she's angry at me for having depression and I just don't understand. It's not like I expected her to understand knowing her but why is she mad at me for it? I also recently got into high school and I have no one to talk to this about. It hurts having no one to talk to this about and keeping it bottled up inside. So someone anyone, any age idrc. Just want someone to talk to.",2 "I (18F) am a contradiction, and that’s why no one noticed my asd traits. The criteria says that we might have a hard time with muscle skills, but I learnt to write very young and have good fine motor skills. However, my gross motor skills were so bad that standing up straight still takes an enormous effort. The criteria says that we must have challenges with communication and interaction, and I do struggle a lot, but I seemed to get along with my peers because I followed them everywhere, but I never really understood them (still don’t) They say that we could have problems with imaginative play when we are kids, and I did, I had the same 3 scripts for playing over and over again for years. But on the outside it seemed like I played like any other child, apparently different games. The criteria talks about sensory sensitivity, and I was very sensitive to many things, but I was more scared of the punishment for “being overly exaggerated”, so I just felt extremely uncomfortable inside, and learnt to not show it since very young. I never really had a single special interest, I had a lot, and I just seemed maybe a little bit over invested in some topics, but as they seemed to not interrupt my life they didn’t matter. And all my life I grew thinking that not understanding people and wanting to learn by memory all the muscles a cat has was the NT way, and it wasn’t. But now I have learnt to mask so so well -as I was afraid of the punishment of showing what made me ND- that I don’t think anyone would believe that I am ND. It would look contradictory.",3 "I (34,f) often enjoy shopping because of simply acquiring nice things but certainly not for the socializing part. As I’m waiting in line to check out the cashier and a customer are immediately hitting it off. They start talking from kids birthdays to kids going to the dentist and them losing teeth. All because of the items that were bought. Before that the weather was mentioned because it actually snowed today where I live! I’m just standing there not knowing am I supposed to join this conversation or at least by facial expressions? What do I do? Then it was my turn to check out and the cashier totally changes her whole demeanor towards me. Btw, I am not a weird or suspicious looking person. I am somewhat attractive and pretty much normal looking. I ask her if she could tell me a price and she says Sorry ? She couldn’t hear me. Story of my life. So I feel even more odd. She doesn’t do any small talk with me or friendly gestures. Interactions like these I take to heart a little unfortunately. I think I have to start trying to be or expecting myself to be something I’m not and then I won’t be as disappointed. Some times I “pass” as a more loud and assertive typical person but those are rare occasions and I have to be in high spirits to achieve that. Can someone relate?",3 "Trying to get 2 labs finished, a final project and a final portfolio (small last minute assignments too) is fucking hard with depression. I just want to play video games all day and sulk. Anyone else in the same boat?",2 "I have CPTSD, and I've been waking up from 2am to 5am every morning for the past week. It's driving me insane. I can never go back to sleep. Why does this keep happening and why can't I fix it? :(",3 "Im going on a cross country road trip next summer and I want to plan things for it so my fiancé doesn't have to do it all and then we can do things we both like. I struggle to know where to start with things though. I struggle with this for a lot if things I'm interested in learning more about. Theres so much information out there and it becomes so overwhelming I don't know what to do with it all. Any advice on what you guys do in this kind of situation?",0 "So some background. About 2 years ago, after a long time of putting it off I finally get a diagnosis of Psychotic Depression. The way my nurse described it is that I had left my depression untreated to long it had manifested itself in hallucinations to keep my brain ""entertained"". Here's the pinch, the metal health services in my area are nearly non existent and with the added pressure of covid I have been left without seeing the early intervention team and I am still waiting on an ECG appointment to make sure I'm healthy enough for the anti psychotics. I am really struggling to hold down a job because the slightest bit of pressure makes me crumble the anxiety aggravates the psychosis, the psychosis leaves me sleepless and depressed and the cycle continues. So I have just started a new job, one week into training and I have spent the whole weekend sleepless and anxious and tormented. I need to get this sorted and the only way I can see it happening is forcing it by being admitted. Does anyone have any experience with this and would you recommend it? Thank you in advance.",2 "Hello, I have recently been diagnosed with ADD and I am looking for some advice from others on my situation. I've always hated driving, I found it difficult to pass my test and even after I did, I never took joy in it. Lately any small journey makes me incredibly tense and anxious and I will do anything to avoid driving. When I am driving, it takes 100% of my concentration and I find it mentally exhausting. I also have had many close calls because I wasn't able to notice what was happening around me on the road. A few situations have come up recently where my problem with it has massively inconvenienced myself and others, I really want to be a competent driver but it has got to the point where I wonder if I should give up altogether. I'm not taking any medication for my ADD due to wanting to get pregnant in the near future and my doctor suggesting it would be hard to start medication, only to come off it. I am seeing a private therapist to come up with some self help strategies. It's also worth pointing out that I've never got in trouble behind the wheel (I don't speed, I don't drink drive, use my phone etc) I've had my license four years. Tl;dr Anyone else with ADD overcome driving fear and if so, how?",0 "When you meet someone new, do you tell them you have Asperger's?",3 "okay so i’m just gonna pour my feelings here because i feel like no one understands, so sorry. so i haven’t seen my therapist in a long time. i don’t even have a therapist anymore, because i rescheduled months ago and they said they would call me to reschedule but never called me so they cancelled my therapy. i’m scared to tell my doctor i fucked up my therapy (she’s the one that recommended me) bc i’m afraid of failure & i’m afraid she’ll judge me. i only JUST got diagnosed with ptsd right before they cancelled my therapy. i am so scared to ask for a new recommendation. also i am still in touch with my dad, who gave me the trauma during my childhood. and i haven’t told him i have ptsd, but i’ve told him i have a lot of anxiety, especially about confrontation & authority. he has told me he’s going to force me into situations where i can overcome it, and that scares the shit out of me. i want to tell him i can’t because of the trauma but i can’t just tell him that he gave me ptsd. i don’t know what to do. i can’t just say no. but if i drop contact i fear the worst. sorry for this, i just need somewhere to dump my feelings.",3 "I'm a 40 year old undiagnosed aspie, my eight year old has been diagnosed. I'm trying to figure out what I can do at this point to help him succeed socially, financially and otherwise as he grows up. I can't just tell him what worked for me because he's very different than me. For example, I can tell him all kinds of masking tricks and how to be liked but he simply seems content not to interact with other kids. Whenever I try to give unsolicited advice about anything he shuts down. So if I can't use my experience to inform how to better help him navigate his experience, I'm at a loss as to how to proceed. Any insight or experiences that you'd like to share would be welcome. Thanks!",3 "Hey, wondering if anyone in the uk has gotten a private diagnosis and treatment without informing gp/nhs? I’ve been offered to be put on waiting list by mental health team but I’m wondering if I can keep my diagnosis private as I’m afraid of implications on travel and insurance. If anyone has gone private to a clinic that didn’t need a referral from gp or shared treatment plan with gp afterwards please can you share your experience?",0 "I know everyone's in a different place with their trauma, so it's not my intention to assume that everyone has experienced ""help"" or relief of symptoms. For those who have experienced an improvement of their PTSD symptoms (like being able to do certain things that you weren't able to at the onset of your symptoms, or experiencing less brain fog), what do you think went into those beneficial changes? I ask because I'm about to return to school after a gap year, and I'm still dealing with difficulty focusing, remembering and general brain fog and dissociation to name a few. It's been like this for almost 5 full years now, but my family, former therapists and friends do not seem to understand what I'm going through or that I need real help. I live in a restrictive household (soon to be moving out though) and they hold a lot of stigma about mental health and have blocked me from receiving a lot of services up till now. Even the therapists that I was able to work with avoided actually addressing my symptoms with strategies or potential solutions (they would literally just change the subject to something more lighthearted every time I tried to talk about it). TLDR; I have no support systems that recognize what I'm going through and I know I have to address my symptoms on my own. I want to return to school, but if I don't address my poor focus, retention etc., I'm afraid I won't do so well. What are some ways that you better managed your symptoms?",3 "it’s really so sad that this self hatred runs so deep that i have not let myself pursue a romantic relationship in the 20 years i have been alive from fear that they will reject me, hate my body, and once they get to know me they will hate me and will reject and regret ever meeting me. i crave it but i cannot let myself do it. i’d rather hurt myself first than let someone else hurt me 😍",2 "I want to say that Intrusive thoughts are like Jujitsu practitioners, they can only grapple you so long as you try to grapple with them. But no jujitsu technique works against the ultimate technique of ""walk-away"". LOLOL How can you triangle choke me, if i'm not even in your reach?!",1 "I’m having the thing where I can’t do anything because I’m waiting for an important thing. Except the important thing in this case is the results from a pre-employment drug test so it’s completely out of my control and I don’t know when exactly it’ll be over. I have so much restless energy but I don’t want to do anything I would normally do to get the energy out (ie hiking) because I don’t want to miss the news of my results. This is awful 😞 Edit: I asked when I’d probably hear the results back and they said not till Friday 🙃🙃 I’m gonna explode",0 "No, I cant have faith. And i do not want to read the bible because how I know that its the truth?Some annoying christians will say that its all about faith and either I accept the gospel or i go to hell. Very nice answer. While we are living in a world full of lies and deception, with many religions, I-just have to accept what christians say because thats how it is.I have ocd and I used to check my fucking door more than 3 times. I was doubting my own eyes. The door was fully locked in front of me and I still doubted it. So, now I have to have faith because people believe the bible is the truth. An orthodox monk told me not to read other opinions. Thats really suspicious. Its like a faulty object and the seller telling you not to check it for too long. I am mentally ill with depression and intrusive thoughts and worries. I worry about hypothetical non specific Gods who dont care about my ocd. I worry about stupid ocd promises I tried to made to christian God about my ocd compulsions and smoking addiction. I pray for my fucking intrusive thoughts almost every 5 or 1 or 2 minutes. I repeat them more than once. I even whisper them while in public. I get anxiety stomach problems and nervousness. I also worry about after death. What happens after death? What if there is no God and the randomness of universe somehow puts us in eternal darkness with consciousness? No death, no eyesight, no hear, no pain just darkness and fullly working brain. Scary... So, i am in the middle and getting attacked by my intrusive thoughts, worries, doubts and also there is christianity who also threatens me with hell. If christtian God is real, then I hope He will forgive me. I just cant believe that God who can end all misery does not do it. I cant believe that I am automatically worthless because of my sinful nature and that women, drinking, smoking is a serious sin. I cant believe that God wants us to trust the claims of people about His word when He knows that there may have been a misunderstanding/lie/delusion/manipulatuon. If God wanted us to have faith, He would not allow other religions to be spread and then, christians telling others that will go to hell for being taught as a kid that their religions is the true one and all others along with christianity are false. If I die and I say these to God, what will happen? Would He just say that I should have trust the people about His word and thats now too late? There is no love or justice in this. And this is how some christians present God. So, either christian God is not real or He has already forgiven me and completelt understands my logical doubts and my ocd.",1 "hey guys, so I get these pangs where I feel extremely overwhelmed and everything at that time feels dull and just I dont know unrealistic? I have important exams starting from tomorrow so I took a short nap before continuing to study. as soon as I woke up I was consumed by this feeling of heaviness and dread. everything feels empty, I feel empty. im feeling extremely jittery along with my sensory overload and I just idk I miss a few people. I feel extremely alone and anxious. ive been fidgeting a lot, my mind is racing 10x faster and its driving me crazy, leading me towards a panic attack. every single thing is overwhelming rn and I feel helpless. ive felt this before but its never been as bad. I feel so so nauseous and can physically feel my heart like hurt and I want it to stop please. this happens like almost every week and every time it happens it gets worse, idk how to make it stop. TL;DR feeling extremely overwhelmed and on verge of a panic attack. happens on a weekly basis and gets worse every time.",0 "I know this is totally situational and different for every person and every relationship, but I'd like to hear others input on how and when to tell a person you're dating about PTSD. My past experience causes me to usually have panick attacks when first getting intimate with someone, so I know it's something I need to explain to her before getting to that point. But I'm just not sure the best way to bring it up, does anyone have any advice?",3 "Hi everyone so I’m fearing I hurted my boyfriend unfaithfully I’m (21f) and my bf is (20m). I’ve been obsessed that I sent nudes it texted someone inappropriate and don’t remember . Or another example is I’ll find a seductive pic I saved of myself and feared I sent it to someone else and don’t remember . I used to talk to a lot of people online (games or apps) due to agoraphobia (I never leave the house). I constantly check messages (all the ones I have anyways). And ask people for reassurance . I will text people from my past to make sure nothing happened etc .. I’m drowning and feel devastated. I love my boyfriend so much , and I’m so scared I have hurted him. I’m seeking a doctor soon! *I also wanted to say that this has destroyed me to the point where I have trouble eating , sleeping, or anything I have had many migraines . And absolutely hate myself*",1 "So I made a rushed promise out of anxiety to not indulge in an addiction but then I realised that I am making promises to myself is a form of reassurance because I was doing ERP and deliberately broke it, now I feel like doing compulsions because of the broken promise has anyone dealt with similar situations ?",1 It's downright inhumane for society to push us people that are mentally suffering for not only months or years but for freaking decades to keep on living it will get better bullshit!!!!. It's so easy for those people to sit on their high horse that have no idea what it truly feels like to suffer with clinical depression. What they do is downplay it and think all you need is a walk and to eat healthier these people live in their bubble of bullshit ignorance truly is bliss.,2 "trying to signal boost this to educate people on just how fucked up this whole thing was [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BIcAZxFfrc&t=1587s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BIcAZxFfrc&t=1587s)",3 "Trigger warning: death/graphic description?? This day, some years ago, my last partner before my current husband died next to me. I am absolutely haunted by it. I am almost at a loss even typing about it. I have my diagnosis, my meds, and my therapy, but it feels like something I will never overcome. Each year gets better, but I always fall apart in the anniversary. I dream about his eyes and his mouth, about the absolute stillness. I performed CPR on him for 13 minutes, covered in his blood. And I am disturbed, so disturbed I just...fall away and stare blankly at nothing. The behaviors I've developed in the aftermath frighten me sometimes, it feels like I lost a part of myself and that no one around me understands. I know few people who experienced this specific brand of trauma. I function pretty normal except for when I don't. I cannot wait for today to be over. It makes my entire body hurt. I live in this constant fear that my husband will die next to me too. Im going through all the motions, I just needed to vent. It is hard for my family and friends to understand. Thank you.",3 "Does anyone else struggle with impulsively lashing out/ saying things they later regret, especially to loved ones? ADHD often causes me to act on a whim and ride the wave of whatever emotion I’m currently feeling, and as a result I’ll impulsively send that snarky text or say that hurtful thing even when in the back of my mind I KNOW I probably shouldn’t. I know it’s not just ADHD causing this, I struggle with communication and passive aggressiveness due to my upbringing, but it definitely contributes. It’s a deadly cycle and it has played a large part in the failure of most of my past relationships. Has anyone found something that works for you? How do I stop myself from impulsively snapping at people in the moment? Would appreciate any advice :(",0 "The characters Martin and Jim are absolutely hilarious, and they both have a lot of autistic traits.",3 "I have heard of a relationship between sensory processing disorder/intolerance to stimuli and OCD before. I have just found an interesting abstract = https://oxfordmedicine.com/view/10.1093/med/9780190228163.001.0001/med-9780190228163-chapter-11 I don’t know if anyone has any more information/resources on this? I have always had a sensitivity to sound so find this quite interesting (also delayed speech which I have heard could be related). Thanks! :)",1 "Guys, I've never been to the doctor to see if what I really have is OCD, but I'll tell you what happened to me ​ I always noticed some strange actions that I had to do like, tapping my nose until I felt okay, blinking several times looking at people's noses, when I was a kid I watched an anime where the character wouldn't look in the eyes. of people and I was criticized for that, as a child, I thought it was cool and I copied the behavior, nowadays I can't even look into the eyes ​ I've been doing this kind of thing since I was a kid... I'm 18 years old today and I have many compulsions and obsessions like: When I look at the clock the time always has to be an even number, otherwise I feel bad and I have to stand by and wait for the time to be able to do something. When I watch a video on Youtube, you know that red loading bar? when you release the mouse it disappears, and it always has to disappear in an even number when I'm watching some video. Another thing about Youtube, one thing that no one should have noticed, but unfortunately I do is this, if a youtube video is 12:08 minutes, after clicking on it, it goes to 12:07, and I can only watch videos where there's an even number when I click on the video, or some odd number of exceptions like 5 (my mind says this number is like a taboo breaker or something) ​ Anyway, I don't want to delve into it, but I have several, and this year a bad thing happened, my grandmother died due to covid, (she didn't die from covid, but from a heart attack, but covid caused it), but it turns out the day before she passed away i did something i'm ashamed to say but i masturbated .. that was on may 14th and that night i was feeling bad foreboding but i did it anyway i masturbated, and the next day the news came that she had died, I know it sounds silly, but I blame myself for thinking it was my fault, because the TOC says that if you don't do that, something bad will happen and to this day I still doubt if I caused her death , I am very afraid that this is true, even after this fact I have not stopped masturbating because I am addicted, I am currently 1 week without masturbating because when I masturbated again last week, my aunt went to the hospital, she has a disease rare, I'm afraid she might be in the hospital because i masturbated I know it sounds silly but you know how it is... sometimes i feel like masturbating but i'm afraid something will happen to her ​ I'm very scared and remorseful for my possible contribution to my grandmother's death, because of this event my OCD got worse and everything I do now I do with caution because I think if I won't hurt someone ​ have you ever been through a situation like this? How did you convince yourself it wasn't your fault what happened? i'm using google translator because i still don't know english yet so I apologize if I have a lot of grammar errors",1 sorry another vent post. each passing day my intrusive thoughts my obsession grows stronger its been going on so long its starting to feel like my new normal. this is genuinely the first time OCD has defeated me like this. I'm starting to forget what it was like who i was before all of this. to add insult to injury my therapy referral went through only for me to find out there's and 8 WEEK LONG waiting list for first appointments . anyway sorry for posting yet another vent post its just not been an easy month for me,1 i check my social media in desperate need of contact i feel i have issues communicating with oneself and the human race overall my time for self repair has come but i am considering sacrificing my physicality for spiritual ascension,3 "Embarrassing story time. Thank god for online anonymity because there's no way I'd share this kind of stuff without it. I tend to try and go for walks on a semi-regular basis to get out of the house. I normally just wear joggers if I just want to be comfortable and I recently got a new pair. Well, id used these joggers a couple times before and had gotten a few funny looks, which is whatever. I didn't think much of it and assumed it was nothing. Then, one day a woman started filming me. I didn't even say anything about it and just stared at her trying to process wtf was going on and why she was filming me on her phone. Looking back on it I wish I had said something but of course my autistic brain never processes what's going on quick enough to actually react. So I got home and tried to work out what reason she had had to film me. I realised the looseness of the joggers was ecentuating my crotch big time. These stupid joggers were making it look like I had a constant bulge. I realised what it must have looked like and instantly hated myself. It took me a long time to feel comfortable going out in public without feeling self-conscious and now I'm back to square one, all thanks to one random lady. My anxiety has been through the roof since that experience. God knows what she's done with that video. At best, it was something funny to laugh about with her friends. At worst, a bunch of people now think I'm some potential pedo or something. I don't think I can even leave the house and I'm even considering moving because of it I'm so damn embarrassed. I know this isn't entirely autism-related but I definitely feel like stuff like this just wouldn't happen to me if I was NT.",3 "I used to be the happiest child in the entire neighborhood, I was making faces and doing stupid stuff just to see everyone around me laugh as I know I made somebody's day, even if that meant other kids would make fun of me from time to time. Times were tough and I was looking at my parents working all day long just to come back home and go work again, but we still didn't have enough money to pay everything which meant sometimes we would literally starve, those were some depressing times but I was a kid, I didn't care about world problems if they weren't affecting me in any way. Today, everything has changed. Even if I have everything I could have imagined and I am able to do whatever I want, I just feel like there isn't anything that would make me happy, I moved to another country and lost all of my friends, I am completely alone and the fact I am 21 doesn't make it better as I constantly think about my life. When covid came, it destroyed little hope I had left, I changed, thinking positive is something I honestly forgot about and I only realized that when it was already too late to go back. Yesterday, I decided to stream VALORANT for a bit, as playing games and talking to other people makes me happy, but I found myself complaining about everything and in 4 hours didn't say a single positive thing about anything really. It makes me extremely sad to look at the mirror and see something I never wanted to become, I would give my soul to get that kid inside of me back, to be able to make others happy and not worry about everything. Nowadays, every night before I go to sleep I need to give myself a reason to wake up. I don't work out anymore, I don't go outside whatsoever, I spend weeks inside playing games all day and losing my nerves because my teammates do something wrong, I know it sounds dumb but when there is nothing else in my life I really want to make anything work out resulting in me tryharding and playing like my life depends on the game. I don't want to be like this, I've been fighting this for the last 2 years and now I feel like an insane person. I can't see beyond tomorrow anymore, I feel like my life is over and I'm only 21, I don't want to die but I don't want to live either, if I was gone today nobody would even notice, I have 0% life inside of me and I can't myself changing towards the person I wanted to be. I could write for days but I still wouldn't be able to describe the pain and sadness I feel, it has been like this for the last 5 years but it still feels like it has just began. I don't know how to change, no matter how hard I try to fake it I always go back to this.",2 "The funny thing about trauma is that the more time passes after you left your abusive or otherwise traumatic environment, the worse you get mentally. Like yea, childhood abuse, haven’t been mentally stable a day in my life ha-ha. But going from just grateful to be out of that situation, to slightly self destructive, to high functioning depression, to just straight up not functioning? Like a year and a half ago I was doing shitty yeah, just barely doing enough to keep my life and studies and all that going... but at least I was doing shit? I didn’t think I’d get better but I also didn’t know I could get worse pft.",3 "I took my meds, I grabbed something to drink from the fridge, and I have been sitting on my phone watching it slowly dwindle to the last crumb of battery before I plug it in. I haven't eaten, I haven't gotten dressed, I feel very certain my dogs have dumped over the trash can because they are bored but I just don't want to exist outside of my bedroom right now.",0 "In recent years, I’ve developed thinking patterns/habits that I’m quite confused about, and they happen to be interfering with my life and my happiness. I’m extremely hesitant to self-diagnose myself with anything so I’m hoping to get some additional opinions on some of these symptoms. I believe I have some sort of an obsession with a perfect lifestyle. I wake up at seven a.m. at the latest, and if I wake up any later, I will feel like my day is ruined and be a ball of nerves and gloom until the next day. I have a pretty specific morning routine, as many people do. However, I feel like any deviation from my routine will send me spiraling, and every step must be just right for me to go about things. I also feel like my actions have to be “pure”, like if I don’t feed myself clean food and exercise regularly I am essentially, worthless. I know this is all irrational, but it doesn’t change how I feel. It’s really hard to explain. There are also other small things, like my compulsive cleaning habits (this is common in a lot of people, I think), extreme sensitivity to noise in my environment, very distracting irrational thoughts, some intrusive thoughts, and sensory issues. My therapist assured me that these are all symptoms of anxiety, which may be true. I’m not saying I think I have OCD, I just want to get at least another opinion because I feel a bit confused. My relationships have suffered, my social life has suffered, and I’ve been miserable and getting worse. Would just like to hear some thoughts from others.",1 "I have some problems trying to flirt, and recently I found that one of the things related with this issue is that I have hard time trying to mantain the mood (subjetive feeling of euphoria/wellness) created from one day to another. For example: -Day 1: I talk with her, I fall in love about some maybe subjetive things (how I like the way she explain things, how I think she is similar to me, how I think she shows appreciation etc) -Day 2: I talk less than day 1, so the feeling are smaller. -Day 3: I get angry with her and then I get relaxed because I understand that she is not to blame. (Everything has happened in my head, I have not verbalized anything and she is not here so she dont know nothing). -Day 4: I no longer have any irrational impulse to be with her like before. I'm no longer as receptive to talk and reply to her like before. The fact is that nothing has changed (outside my mind), but I am not able to continue from the point of day 1, I'm even tired. This issue is also present with other relationships, not only sentimental, but these are the ones that I found more important. --- Any of you know what is the name of this thing? I think this is something related with memory and also with emotions, but I have no other clue. After name it I would like to know how to deal with it, because I want to flirt relaxed but seems to me like the only chance for me to do it is in a quick way and in consecutive days.",3 "Sharing my ""tragic"" backstory really does comfort me for some reason. I have depression and PTSD, I have been dealing with these emotions since I was a kid. I find now that sharing my story helps. I know others have it worse than me. I know this, but I find it so unbearable sometimes to even look at myself. People tell me I overcame such hard ships in my life and that I'm strong but I'm truly not. I'm so weak. I will write this out and it's going to be about my life. I will not proof read it so I'm sorry if it's unbearable to read but please, try. My professional life is very well, just got a 2019 Sentra, got a high paying job after OfficeDepot closed it's doors May 18, 2019, I can buy whatever I want - I have an ""endless"" library of video games between my high end gaming PC, Xbox One, PS4, Switch, 3DS, etc. But, my personal life is in PIECES. Utter fucking pieces, 2018 was such a hard fucking year for me. At age 5, my dad and mother were arguing about candy that fell in the seats. They both looked down to find it, an older white homeless man was J walking. I saw him, I could of said something but I didn't understand. I had just started watching Dragon Ball Z, I figured the man would stop the car or just fly over it. He ended up dying. My dad was sent to jail for a year I believe, in that time frame of him being gone my mother started doing drugs. By the time my dad got out of jail it was already too late, but he stayed. Everything, everything went down hill from there. I was abused, sexually, emotionally, and physically. By both parents, my dad was just hurting from what my mother did. Different men would come in and out of our apartment and if I said something my mother said she'd give me away. I closed my mouth, and my dad beat me for it. ( I just realized saying this, is why I grew up to have a big fucking mouth. That gets me in trouble sometimes, I've learned everything doesn't need to be repeated ) By the time I was 11, a man I considered a step father abused me. His name was James ( This is VERY important ) it ruined me. It's probably the reason I like older men, I have such daddy issues. I don't hate people named James, it's just a name. You don't choose it. I know, but I always keep my distance from people named James because it's just too much of a big trigger. Anyway, fast forward. I'm 13, I'm alone in a hospital and my parents just walk away. They forgot or got high, I dunno. I ended up going into a foster home, I went in and out of about 4 homes. My final home was a family friend, I met him and his son at the LGBT Center I went to - he saw what was happening and got licensed to take care of me. I thought my life was finally changing, finally. I was going to be loved. I got there and things were different. Because of my past I was a high risk kid ( I was the EASIEST high risk kid Las Vegas has ever seen. I knew if I acted up no one would want me, so I was ""yes ma'am"" ""yes sir"" ""how can I help you"" ) He got loads of money taking care of me at basically nooo...problem I guess. That word works. But, he introduced us to marijuana and alcohol. I'm pro marijuana, it's the fact of how and why he did it. I was scared of any and all drugs because of my mother, but if I didn't smoke I wasn't part of the family - literally. No allowances, I couldn't sit down when they had family discussions - everything. I had to smoke, thats the part was toxic. After I got ""addicted"" at the time I thought it was fucking AMAZING, but I realize now it was awful. I wasted my summers high out of my mind, at home playing video games. I didn't get my license until I was 22, I wasn't being prepared for the real world - at age 18 the easy money stopped so he kicked me out. He did try to get me into stripping, I made 300 on my first dance and he took 200 of it. So I left, he was just going to use me! He didn't even adopt me like he promised me! I escaped, I ""lost"" my virginity to a older man - he was actually the father of one of my High School friends. I lived with him for 3 years, my only issue was that our lives were just going in different directions. He has SO many kids but never got the real chance to be a father, the mother of 3 of his kids got fed up when they turned 18 so they all lived with him. He got his chance to be a father and took it, I respect that. His kids stole from us left and right. I was so depressed, I came home from work just to have my shit stolen then he takes it out on me, I thought...what's the point? Since he was older he supplied me with alcohol. I became an alcoholic, I finally admitted this. Wow. Anyway, he broke with me around my birthday. I was upset but not upset, I was fed up with our relationship for a while but didn't know where to go or what to do. He did help me get my first job, first car, he taught me how to drive, first credit card(s), bank account etc. He taught me everything, I appreciate it. I was working at Office Depot for 3 years, I fell in love. I really fell head over heels for my manager, but. He was a MANAGER, so no knew. I never even told him I loved him, we exchanged gifts and more. I felt happy, I actually felt fucking happy. February 2018 I asked him to be mine, I was going to bartending school. After I completed it I was going to change jobs ( that was the agreement, one of us has to change jobs ) Since we both still worked at Office Depot he said no. I was so mad lol. March 15, 2018 my childhood best friend asked me out. I said SURE! Why fucking not?? March 20th, 2018 - 5 days later. My favorite number, I was informed that my manager had died. I was DESTROYED. That night I slept with my boyfriend and let him came in me, I got pregnant and gave my son my managers name. I can't believe my boyfriend let me. I don't know what I was thinking, I was hoping reincarnation was thing but he's my son sooooo?? I'm a dumbass, I don't fucking think. It's 2019 now. I had a mental breakdown 3 weeks ago and had a plan to kill myself but my now ex boyfriend called the cops and got me admitted to the hospital. I got out the hospital and thought I was fine, went back to work and even took my son 4 days out of the week. But this past week has been hard. Really hard. When I made this post last night, I was running on no sleep, I had been up for 24 hours already and was just leaving for an 8 hour shift at work. I tried to close my eyes and all I could think about was dying. I kept saying ""give em the strength"" but I didn't know if it was the strength to end it or to keep going. I've been watching videos and looking stuff here, I always do that. A new video game I like is coming out, better fucking spoil myself and look up videos, wikia pages and reddit pages. It's the same for anime, I started doing it for suicide....I was really scared but today for some reason I feel better. I did get some sleep finally, today is my Friday so I can just relax after this shift is over. Thank you for listening. By the way, my manager - my sons name. It's James.",3 "I finally felt like I was making progress and now I feel worse than ever. So close to Christmas I don’t want to bring my family down with my attitude but I don’t know if I’m going to be able to fake a smile this time. I haven’t felt this low in a while. Why does this keep happening. I take one step forward. And then ten steps back. It’s tiring and repetitive. Makes me wonder how much longer I have to keep doing this… for the rest of my life? I can’t live like that. I don’t want to live like that. I want to smile, but I don’t have any reasons to.",2 "I'm not diagnosed with anything, but i experience really sharp emotion. Like why did i just snap at that person that i love? Why am i always told i have a bad attitude? Idk if I'm just an asshole or if this is because I'm impulsive and have volatile emotions. Why do i feel like im drowning and panicking but then as soon as i put up my hair away from my face i suddenly can think more clearly? It seems so silly.... Am i just lazy and need to be more disciplined? Or am i depressed and unmotivated? Are my depressive symptoms Comorbid with ADHD? Is this executive dysfunction? Or is this all some joke im playing on myself after learning about adhd. I'm really struggling to know what is real and what is projected, can any of you tell me your story? Did you feel like an imposter? What convinced you that you had ADHD?",0 "I know this may be a weird question, but is it possible to ever recover from PTSD? I know going to therapy and getting treatment is the best way to move past the trauma, but I’m wondering if I’ll ever truly get over some of the fears that come with my trauma. I’m just wondering if 20 years from now I’ll be able to think about my abusers and not be afraid of them.",3 Honestly i think it is fucked up that among all of mu friends I’m the only one who listens carefully when someone vents to me yet I am the only one who cannot even express my feeling to anybody literally,2 "Hi all, I'm wondering what the link is between OCPD and ASD. I've seen articles and statements on other posts stating that OCPD is actually on the Autism spectrum. At the same time, there are articles that differentiate the two and only suggest increased comorbidity. I have been diagnosed with both and have a hard time differentiating them when analyzing meltdowns and severe anxiety. OCD is off the table because my obsessions and repetitive behaviours are not random and always related to either an intense interest or anxiety towards something. The biggest problem for me is perfectionism and not being able to accept mistakes- I become consumed with trying to rectify them in order to let them go from my mind.",3 "When I come back from school, I always have to take the train. After a long tiring day, I really don't feel like standing- so I sit down. Although, recently I've noticed I feel extremely uncomfortable when someone sits beside me. Once it wouldn't have bothered me, but now the proximity of a stranger sitting (and accidentally touching me with their arm or leg) really sets me off. I'm really selective about touch (for example, I like to touch others when I talk with them at times, but if someone touches me I recoil), and this really disturbs me. Though, I fear that standing up would offend whoever is next to me, because they haven't done anything wrong. TL;DR: Sitting next to someone in the train makes me feel very uncomfy, but I don't want to offend them by standing up. DAE feel the same? How do you deal with it?",3 "4h and 22 min ago I was supposed to be showing my doctor the cardiological exams he requested to safely prescribe me medication that could finally make my life more bearable and normal. And I forgot that today was Saturday. I went to bed yesterday and I woke up today thinking yesterday was Thursday and today was Friday, and my appointment would be tomorrow, Saturday. I also had to go to the gym and call the water delivery guy. I decided to go to the gym at 15:30, the time when there's almost nobody there and it's safer during the pandemic (I'm fully vaccinated also). So a few minutes ago I called the water guy and asked for a gallon of mineral water. He said he had already stopped delivering today as it's Saturday and that's when it finally hit me as I apologized and scrambled to check the date on my phone. The gym also closed at 14:00 today so also missed that. I know I'll be able to schedule another appointment with my doctor in 2 days, which isn't much compared to a life of pain, frustration and self doubt. But Well You know the feeling, I don't have to describe it here. I'm just crying and needed to tell someone who would understand my momentary hopelessness. Thank you for reading. I hope you have a great day. :(",0 "I'm told I'm supposed to appreciate other cultures, but I don't particularly even appreciate my own. A lot of cultural things seem weird to me. If someone does something for cultural reasons, it usually means they're not doing it for logical reasons. For example, having a wedding and spending thousands of dollars on that one day, as well as thousands of dollars on a diamond ring, is not rational. It's cultural. On the other hand, going to the doctor if you get an injury is rational, and you wouldn't go for cultural reasons.",3 "Hello I’m 28. I think my depression is linked to my sexual history mostly. That being I’m a Virgin and I can’t get an erection. Ive only had 1 gf way back in high school. I haven’t been suicidal in a very long time luckily, but the way things have been going I’m worried that I’m heading back that direction. I work as a restaurant server and live paycheck to paycheck and can’t even afford insurance. Let alone therapy. I have very few friends and the number is dropping even more. Obviously listing my problems won’t solve them. Idk what I can do anymore. I definitely feel helpless. Like nothing will ever change for the better.",2 "In the past, I have relied heavily on visual schedules and a ""living list"" of what needs to be done, recopied once-to-thrice a day onto a fresh page as it gets filled and crossed off. These tools have stopped being effective. It's slowly faded in ""visibility"", until lately it makes no difference at all whether I write down what must be done. As you can imagine, this has played merry hell with my ability to do just about everything. Any tips or advice on how to replace or reinvigorate this pillar of my executive-function-support-structure? Thanks in advance for your help!",0 "Hey bros/sisters. I wanted to ask you what your opinion and experiences are with Venlafaxine. I got it prescribed by my doctor but im a little reserved to take it because im afraid of nausea. (Nausea was always a problem with SSRI's to me.) It used to be very awful and my body never got used to it. I hope Venlafaxine will be different.",2 "Like many people with adhd I have a hard time getting started on activities. For a while now, I have been looking for something like a [time-timer](https://timetimer.eu/time-timer-original-new/), but one that does not stop beeping until I physically turn it off. Hang it on the wall, set the time, and see in a glance how long I have to stew on the couch, hyperfocus on something, etc. But! When my time is up, I cant think… just a few more minutes… unless I want to endure the beeping. Basically getting me kickstarted and already standing, so transitioning to the next thing is easier. Does anyone know of such a product? Or do you use something similar?",0 "So my boyfriend’s 11 year old daughter was diagnosed with Aspergers/ADHD… we are struggling to keep her out of things she knows she isn’t supposed to be in, and doing things “because she wanted to” even after being told no or if she knows it is the wrong thing to do. Is there a way to curve this behavior? She also has a set of rules here and at different set at her mom’s house… her mom refuses to share the rules she has here and honestly her mom’s rules are too relaxed for us. (Her mom sees her as a friend and not her child). Any good tips on how to help her remember the rules here without her getting in trouble all the time?",3 "My boyfriend legitimately forgets to eat for entire days and it makes me so sad😢 I have talked to him about how it is unhealthy and he is not talking care of himself and he recognizes that, but he cant seem to remind himself throughout the day—especially because he doesn’t feel hungry because of his medication. What can I do to help him? And how can he help himself?",0 "Recently started taking lexapro yesterday and beforehand I would feel fine generally and then randomly get suicidal when I felt minor inconvenience, but the most I contemplated suicide was just thinking “I want to die”. Other than that I just didn’t have a strong will to live but I didn’t have a problem forcing myself to move along. Now on lexapro that feeling is heightened and I’m just rethinking everything I do and sometimes thinking of ways to kill myself (even though I won’t). I just don’t think it is depression because when I used to feel depressed I’d just feel sad all the time. Right now I guess I feel sad but it’s also because I just bombed an exam. But it’s not a constant drone of depression it’s more just moments of being suicidal and tiredness. Is this depression or does it sound like another illness? I also understand that the medication can do this in the first few weeks, but I’m anxious that maybe it’s revealing some mental illness I had before and it will get unbearable? What do you think?",2 "So I leave the hotel my mom and grandma do there thing I'm left alone all day with little to no wifi and $200. On my adventure I ment this one guy who was asking for money for charity and it was probably a tourist trap but I gave the dude a 20 but he seemd official. My original goal was the Disney store first but I missed it and got confused as to where the fuck I was. So I then decided to head into a starbucks connect to the wifi and reroute to a book store, so I try to navigate there and I then find it by luck. Some guy was asking for money but I told him I was broke then proceeded to go and spend $55 on books. I feel I interacted fine yes sir, yes ma'am thank you have a good day. I try and make my way back to the hotel but I get stuck in a little fancy mall and eventually spend $100 on cologne lmao. Before the book store I saw a firestaion I wanted to check out but I was dead set on finding this damn book store. I then found a Halloween store before the mall and it was eh. After all that was target I brought myself some water and a Gatorade. I then spent an hour trying to find the hotel but I was just straight vibing. I find the hotel go back upstairs message a guy I've been talking to. Overall I was anxious to leave the hotel room and go out on my own and when I did I was glad because now I've got a story to tell. Plus I ment a few cool people, the stair guy who almost stepped in the puke, book store guy and helping me find a specific interest of books I was looking for and I brought both. The $20 guy who told me to stay safe at the beginning of my journey. My days not even done yet I got a pizza coming and I'm going back out it's only 7. 10/10 would do again but more navigated and prepared.",3 "My parents got divorced because of my aspergers. They knew that something was wrong with me. I was a deeply disturbed child when I was younger. My father hit me because he thought he could beat the aspergers from my mind. My mother felt so much pity for me that she couldn't abandon me. That's the reason my dad started drinking more and becoming an alcoholic. He divorced my mom and did his best to ignore me my entire life. He refused to acknowledge me as his own son. He has a new family now with new children he calls his own. In fact he's never loved me, because whenever I had a friend come over, he treated that friend more kindly than he did me. My mother died 5 years ago to cancer. She died a shut-in. My brother is also out of my life because he finds my behaviors too weird. He calls me crazy and mental. His wife thinks I'm also crazy and mental. They're jealous of me because I have a higher paying job than they do, even though I'm so weird and subhuman like to them. I am literally the cause of my families destruction. I have unknowningly known this my entire life, yet I didn't have the insight that I do today. How fucked up is that?",3 "Obviously not okay right now. I called the ambulance myself seven hours afterwards because I couldn't stop thinking about my youngest sister and how my death would affect her. She's my NoK (Next of Kin) and I don't know if they've contacted her yet I got a WhatsApp from my friend hours earlier which basically said, ""hey how are things with with your problem housemate? What are your Christmas plans? Smiley face and kisses"" How on earth do I answer that?! ""Things are better with housemate, I'm not going to parents for Christmas oh and by the way I'm in the hospital because I tried to kill myself.""??? Edit: I'm in the UK. The nurses said I've been detained under section 2 of the mental health act. I haven't talked to anyone from psych yet. Edit 2: I've been told they made a mix up with me and the lady in the next bed. I might still be sectioned though but I still haven't talked to anyone from psych yet. Psych will be called in to talk to me after the anti-tox meds have done their job.",2 "To be fair it's only the first session and we both felt like we didn't talk about as much as we wanted, but it felt like they wanted to focus more on my anxiety and depression and not my PTSD. They're giving me worksheets and forms to fill out to better assess me and find the best approach to my situation (they mentioned brainspotting and cbt), but I'm already leaning towards finding someone else.",3 "sorry for my English am from Africa for 3 years I didn't know what I have, I thought with time it will get better, but no it got worse, I lost everything am 3d artist is I stopped doing my art I lost my friends I mean all of them, but that was not the problem the problem was I never know what I have so it kept getting worse, I never lift the house I think everything will kill me, I even can't get in a car I get so scared also simple winds scared me, I can't sleep any more barely 2 to 3 hrs a day I can't eat any food it is impossible for me to eat certain foods coz I think it will kill me can't eat too much coz I think it will kill me, I'm scared from everything and everyone am scared to lose my mother and may family members I get scared for them if that got sick I literally can't sleep I will stay up days until that get better even if that stay out late I wait until that get home I don't want to be alive anymore I feel ashamed for what I become my family think I'm getting crazy so that take to what we call ""shake"" and that is a man whow Treat people the traditional way thay think it will fix me what is the point any more my contrary is poor we don't have a good Psychiatric clinic even the ones we have here are really expansive I literally don't know what to do my age is 27 I live in Sudan",1 "Im sick of my life being shit, it's always been shit",2 Recently I’ve been doing weird things and I keep getting bad thoughts if I don’t do those things like something bad will happen.,1 "As so many I've gradually distanced myself from, well, almost everyone in my life over the course of the last few years. The pandemic made this even worse. By chance I ran into a couple I used to be close with (we'd play D&D together etc) and struck up a conversation, as awkwardly as it probably was. They were friendly but obviously not interested. The guy made a comment that they had lots of places to be and they took off. That was the first time in over a year I'd seen or heard them. Don't think I'll be trying that again anytime soon.",2 I (F 22) just recently got diagnosed with ADHD (predominantly innattentive). My psychiatrist wanted to start me off with Adderall but as I have high blood pressure wanted me to check with my cardiologist to make sure stimulants were okay. Long story short he doesn't want me to be on stimulants. All the research I've done (granted it's on the internet) has said that non stimulants are way less effective at treated ADHD. I'm just feeling super discouraged right now as I've finally got the correct diagnosis after fighting depression and anxiety for 8 years and I'm worried I won't be able to treat it.,0 "I got my annual physical done for a surgery I have coming up and part of that is the general mental health screening they normally do. Questions like ""Are you depressed"", ""Do you feel like you're a drain on others"" and ""Have you thought about hurting yourself"". Etc., etc. I answered all the questions truthfully and ended up with an alarming score to the nurse doing my intake. To the point that she and the doctor asked me multiple times if I was planning on hurting myself. It made me super uncomfortable, especially since I already have persistent depressive disorder and have for many years. I dont take medication for it but I'm also not currently thinking about hurting myself. I'll admit that I have thought about it in the past, but its been a few years since I've seriously considered it. I've read in the past that folks on the spectrum are 3x more likely to have suicidal ideation and commit suicide vs. the general population (here's one [link](https://www.healthline.com/health-news/rate-of-suicide-3-times-higher-for-autistic-people#Be-aware-of-the-warning-signs) as an example). I'm wondering if this has something to do with how ""honest"" people on the spectrum can be when it comes to answering these types of questionnaires or if maybe I really am different and should seek out someone for some help. In general, I'm not a happy person and don't usually have ""good"" days. Life seems like something I just have to put up with until its finally over with. For reference, I was mentally and physically abused as a child and I have had counseling. My therapists and psychiatrist all consider me to have PDD as well as PTSD from what happened to me as a kid which I find weird because I don't really think about it all that much. It's only when I tell people stories about growing up that people freak out. I didn't find out I was autistic until last year at the age of 46 but its definitely helped explain a lot of things to me the more I've read. My childhood abuse was all at the hands of family members, I was never bullied as a kid (mostly because I was a big kid and people didn't want to pick on me). So I can't relate that factorial in the overall autistic experience. I'd really like to know how others think about this topic to gauge where my experience is fitting in. TYIA for any feedback. And to be super clear: I do not have any plans on hurting myself. I am just looking for relatable conversation on the topic so please, don't anyone freak out.",3 "I’ve just been prescribed Concerta 18mg for my ADHD. I’m currently working night shift (7p-7a) as a nurse, and I usually work 3-4 twelve hour shifts per week. My doctor and I were trying to figure out when would be the best time for me to take my Concerta? I told her that usually on the days that I’m off work, I sleep during the night like everyone else, and awake all day. But that may have to change if I’m supposed to take Concerta at the same time each day. Any advice?",0 Still having the dreams it's been this way since the abuse started and the shooting. Today I saw the guy again laying on the floor of my apartment. A bloody face staring back at me. It caused me to go into a panic attack and I ended up puking up blood. My wife still doesn't know what I go through. I scared her today to the point of her locking herself in the room and all I heard was crying from the other side. I'm afraid of what might happen if this continues. This isn't the first time she's done this and I just don't know how to explain what I see everyday.,3 "Im losing hope rapidly. R a p i d l y. I wrote a suicide note last weekend and after a long cry and a drive around town later, I told myself that I would keep trying. and in this past week Ive had the very few people in my life flake on me, ignore me, forget about me and this new girl I met at the gym blocked my number a day after she gave it to me! I even went out of my way to text everyone and make plans and no one was there for me. I dont know what to do this makes me feel like shit. I am trying to be here so no one gets hurt but no ones here for me.",2 "Please encourage me to kill myself. I don't have the guts to end it all. I'm a lost cause. I'll never get better and I'm tired of hoping that things would be better everytime I try. I'm just a waste of resources. Please encourage me before everyone I know gets tired of me. I'm too depressed to have good friends. I'm just too much. I don't want to bring them down with me. I don't want them to suffer because of me. I'm tired of it. I don't want them to have a hard time in life because of me. They will get tired of me then leave, that's what always happens. I'm too much. PLEASE PLEASE ENCOURAGE ME TO END IT. Things would be better if I'm gone. I'm easy to replace. I'm a shitty no good person. Atleast encourage me to self-harm please.",2 "I take antidepressants, but I still don’t feel like it’s enough. I have days where I’ll start off happy and then out of no where I feel this empty deep sadness. I’m having mood swings. In the beginning it was enough to make me feel purposeful by getting this new job. Now, I notice that I get this depressed feeling out of no where. I don’t want to stay home and yet I don’t want to go out either. I feel stuck. I’ve lost interest in practically everything. I don’t even like eating anymore— and never in my life did I think that would happen. I can’t even sleep in without feeling depressed. I can’t even hang out with friends without it feeling like a pain. My psychiatrist and she said she would probably give me mood stabilizers.",2 "Bit of a rant this morning. So it's my little sisters 11th birthday today and I finished my exam yesterday and was due to go up at 9am this morning. But obviously, I couldn't fall asleep and as a result overslept and missed the train. It's not like struggling to get out of bed is a rare occurrence for me either. I can't help but think that I'm actually completely useless. I have diagnosed ADHD but I despise using it as an excuse for missing important things. I then also have family members telling me that I'm useless, an input which isn't needed as my brain does it for me everyday. I honestly can't help but feel shit about myself when these things happen regularly, how do I get out of this self destructive thought pattern that I've had for as long as I can remember? I am honestly so tired of hating myself for the way I am. It's like other people are unable to realise that I am trying. I tried to get an extra early train because I know birthdays are important, the intent is always there it's just I always fall short.",0 "I have contamination OCD and when I wash my dick/balls/ass, I have to use gloves on those areas. I usually use 2 pairs. I make sure I don't touch the body wash bottle with contaminated hands because if I touch that bottle again, it's already contaminated. I know it's stupid and OCD is fucking stupid. I'm going to shower tomorrow and since I down to like 5 disposable gloves, I'm gonna try not to use any. I actually have to use gloves on other stuff to clean the house and I can't afford to buy gloves every time. I believe I showered without gloves earlier this year and I probably ended up washing the bodywash bottle with soap just to make sure. Before OCD I never used gloves. It's weird thinking about it now. I would wash those areas with my barehands and soap and didn't worry about ""contaminating"" the bodywash bottle or whatever. It sucks. Sharing this makes me feel a bit positive and maybe I'm going to challenge myself to shower without gloves. Enough about me. If you have OCD, do you use disposable gloves or anything else to wash your privates?",1 I'm gonna give you guys a back story real quick. I have a bit of a rough life style . I have had anger issues since a child due to multiple factors. In the recent years I have tried to control those feelings because I'm a mother now. I just want to do better. I was working and just being low key . A couple months ago I was outside on the phone and got shot at. One bullet went thru my leg. I found out later it was someone I knew. I also found out they did it because of a issue they had with some one I'm close to. I'm angry. I'm obsessing over the fact that I had just brought my child inside. Not even 2 minutes before. I have spaceouts where I just think of revenge .Everytime I hear a car back fire or a noise close too it I freeze. It's like I can't even move.it should be noted that I was grazed on the back about two weeks prior sleeping over someone house in a completely different place. Two different situations both nothing to do with me.idk what to do🤦🏻‍♀️,3 "it never does, ever and my intrusive thoughts are just annoying can i have a moment of peace?",1 "I realized the other day...I'm in my 30s and I'm ""That guy"" in the neighborhood. No one likes me and everyone thinks I'm a total dick. And I am. I'm a fucking huge asshole. You know why? Cause no one fucking likes me anyways. I had friends. I did. But then I grew up and everyone left me behind years ago. And now look at me.. In my 30s.. sitting here at 5AM, bawling my eyes out because I'm stuck and completely alone. I'm in a never ending cycle and I can't break free. I'm angry at the world because the world hates me, and the world hates me because I'm so angry. I don't know how to stop being angry.. I've tried drugs.. I've tried therapy.. it just keeps getting worse. I lash out when people call me out on anything or give me any type of negative feedback. It could be something super minor, like ""hey put that pen back in the pen holder when you're done,"" and the first thing that goes through my head is ""Well fucking duh dipshit, of course I'm going to put the fucking pen in the pen holder. Do you think I'm a god damn savage?"" Like, who says that? Who even THINKS that? I know it was just a comment, but it will set me off. Every. Fucking. Time. * Boss comes at me with some feedback on the project I was working on? I instantly go into defensive mode. * Coworker calls me out on something? Well, I can't let myself look bad.. so again I go into defensive mode. * Store has some stupid policy? I lose my shit and almost immediately call for a manager. I'm actually afraid I'm going to end up banned at one of my favorite stores because I can't seem to let go of this rule they have that I just do not agree with. I've taken it all the way to corporate HQ and so many people have had to deal with me... but I can't let it go. I just can't... I'm going to end up a face on the banned customers board. Speaking of agreeing with me.. Apparently I'm this generations version of the asshole. I like to think of myself as forward thinking... but every time I've shared my opinion on Reddit I get downvoted to hell (On my main account of course..not this one). Every time I share my opinion in the real world, I get walked all over. People don't agree with me and I can't figure out why. Am I just the old fuck who's set in his ways now? If I ask a legit question I don't understand and curious on I get downvoted. I've even had my questions removed from sites like StackOverflow or ServerFault on multiple occasions (I'm a programmer). I should just..not have an opinion. I should not want the world to be just and fair, because apparently just and fair to me are totally different than just and fair to the rest of the world. I get upset when I see stupid crap like Apple legitimately throttling their users phones.. or the fact that you don't *own* anything. Companies can control the product you buy just as easily as they can control any assets under their control. The right to repair your own shit is even under attack. I'm the type that can't really sit still on this crap. I have to do something.. reach out to my reps? Sure.. bitch about it? Absolutely. Let everyone and their mother know that I disagree? Yep that's me. I honestly think this world hates me. If this world had a mouth and could talk it would tell me to fuck off and eat shit. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm basically a walking pharmacy at this point and my drugs are starting to actually eat into my budget. And to top it off, I'm very likely going to lose my job again because I can't keep my shit together.",2 "29 year old male. I had a PTSD trigger in October at a meditation retreat of all places. The trigger was just a song. That same night I started experiencing insomnia. The next day, I could feel a sensation on my scalp. I have been walking around with chronic stress since the song played. These symptoms have gotten progressively worse. I am currently at a 30 day inpatient program. Working on stressors and triggers and how to get this back to normal. The stress: I feel like a dense ball of stress. My anxiety and depression has gotten significantly worse. There is a direct correlation to my stress and how much sleep I get. The stress also gives me shallow breathing. I feel like the stress/anxiety is the root issue that needs addressed. Insomnia: since October, I have been sleeping under 5 hours a night. This is sooooo abnormal. I normally sleep 8-10 hours a night. I wake up like clockwork at 1:20, 3, and 4:30 am. If I’m lucky, I fall back asleep. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, these hours are related to unprocessed grief, anger, and being in control- very accurate for my situation. Hair loss: I assume it is Telogen Effluvium. I am stressed and anxious and my hair loss only started with the trigger in October. The hair loss was unnoticeable for 3 months, but then the shedding got really bad. I have been taking Nutrafol hair supplements and using PuraDor shampoo and conditioner, but I know these are not stopping the underlying cause of my hair loss- stress. Any thoughts/ questions/ concerns???",3 "The school system is build around forrest-first learning: they provide you an hollistic network and let the details come later. This is because most NT's learn this way. This is stated in a book ""A field guide to earthlings"", by Ian Ford. As an Aspie however, I learn in a tree-first way. I learn the individual details and then compose a forest. How do you learn in the forest-first environment, when you have tree-first learning? I feel like at the moment I can manage, but it might take me more energy. I also don't remember the big picture afterwards, because they don't give me enough time to connect all the dots and keep it permanent in memory. One semester is just really short. The things I learnt, I can't instantly use one month after learning them.",3 "I am very curious about this, because I saw something about synesthesia and recognized it (although not nearly as extreme) and remembered other posts on either here or r/autism about people feeling like this. ""Math is the red folder."" ""why?"" ""Cause math is red."" For me, 5 is yellow. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synesthesia if you want to know what it is.",3 "I have currently begun the process of getting a formal diagnosis, and certainly intend to keep going, but I was wondering if anyone had experienced any unexpected downsides to getting a formal diagnosis and/or starting meds. I don’t imagine you would have to disclose the diagnosis to a future employer or anything, but has anyone experienced negative consequences as a result of diagnosis and treatment (discrimination, disclosure, etc)? TIA!",0 "So I'm 24 and I have PTSD (and a host of other things) caused by more than a few events in my life, one of the larger things being my parents. More specifically, my mother. My father and I have our own issues but not nearly close to those that my mother and I have. They are still together and they still live in the tiny falling-down house that I grew up in. A few months back I decided to try and make more of an effort to have a healthy relationship with my mother. I am usually the adult out of the two of us and she's the giant toddler but I tried to put all of that aside and make more of an effort. So I called her, like she had been asking me to do. I talked about my problems. During this time she instructed me to go to the dentist and use the family insurance plan since it's my last year on it. I asked her if she was very sure that I would be covered since I didn't really have the money to spare to pay for it out of pocket, and i wasn't a student anymore. My mother assured me that i was covered and pushed me to go. I went to the dentist, figuring that I was covered and that this was me putting effort into fixing the relationship with my mother. Thinking that surely, this time, I could trust her. I was mistaken. I ended up needing to have an important and expensive procedure and the office told me that I was not going to be covered for it, or anything. I called my mother to talk about it and i complained that I had needed the money for other more important things, but that I was going to deal with it. She started getting angry with the dentist office I had gone to, calling them vile names and saying that she could go in there and ""deal with them."" I told her not to get involved. I went so far as to explicitly say that this was a boundary that I did not want her to cross. I was recovering from the procedure and was in a lot of pain and just didn't want to have to deal with her ""helping."" Also I'm 24 and don't want my mother going and yelling at people on my behalf. I got a phone call from the dentist office a little while after hanging up with my mother. The office was calling to tell me that my mother had shown up at the office, demanded to talk about my file and payments and that the dentist office had let her pay a large sum of my tab. They had never seen her before, I don't even know how the hell she was able to even do that, we have different last names and everything. I am also an adult! I confronted my mother about this boundary issue and during the conversation after she berated me and told me i should be grateful for her ""help"" she hung up on me and then blocked any attempt for me to contact her afterwards. I ended up going to the house (i still legally live there but i'm never actually there) to grab some of my things that I was afraid that she might mess with because of the conversation. She showed up before i left and it was pretty much an instant fight. I kept trying to say ""You crossed a boundary and that hurt me"" but I couldn't get past the word boundary because she would start yelling at me. Tempers were lost. Then she told me that she was cutting me off (I don't ask them for money, any money they give me is always given with the ""please let us help you"" line), acted all scary, and told me that I was on my own and to go live my life and she would go live hers, and to get out of her house. So i did. Called my father on my way to the car to tell him that I was sorry and that mom had told me to get out of her life and that i was doing that. Since then I have not seen or spoken to my mother, I blocked her on everything. She has shown up outside where i am staying a few times, crying occasionally. She dropped off a thick envelop which i know is a letter she's written to me. I haven't opened it. My dad wants me to reconcile with her because ""life is short"" and he knows that i'm now cut off from my entire extended family including his parents because of this. He also has told me that she ""feels real bad about what she did"" and has been feeling bad for awhile. I don't know what to do. I have my first therapy session this Friday but it's just an assessment session. I don't want my mother in my life with the way that she acts now, i don't want her in my life if she isn't able to take responsibility for her actions. But i miss my family, and i miss my dad.",3 "The good: met someone at work that is OCD. The Bad: we are in to the same hobbies so we go down so far in the the rabbit hole it is scary. It is like one addict giving another addict a hit when they are coming down from a high. 😂",1 "My daughter (6) and I (26) are a LOT a like. We both have loud outbursts (she screams randomly, I sing randomly), we both have trouble following instructions and completing tasks, we both have sensory issues and sensory seek in different ways, etc. Wondering if anyone has gone through something similar and how they went about getting an official diagnosis. We’re both on medication (for me: anxiety, depression, ptsd, multiple forms of ocd. For her: anxiety and aggression).",0 "Hi there, I am likely to get a diagnosis within the next couple of weeks, have been going through the formal process after saving up a bunch of money for it. So far I have avoided bringing my parents into the process as I have been lucky to have a good friend since I was 10 to give an outsiders perspective. Plus if the result is negative I then the stress of getting my parents involved would be pointless. I want to tell my parents because my sister knows about the process and I am terrible at keeping secrets, but I have had many negative reactions to ""coming out"" with them. Previously I came out as bisexual and my Mum said ""So you want to cheat on your boyfriend"" and ""Why would you tell me I don't want to know"" etc. I have also had my Mum suggest I stop taking my anti-depressants so that I can go on these diet pills (which are basically legal amphetamines). They do not have the healthiest or most helpful perspectives. I am a 30-year-old woman and I have been having trouble finding good resources for ""coming out"" with adult diagnoses. Any help or thoughts on your own experiences would be great. Cheers.",3 "26M recently disagnosed Dating apps seem way more trouble than they're worth. I match with maybe 1-2 women per month. Of these, 90% do not reply to my message. This sends my RSD into overdrive because the other 10% of the time when they reply, I allow myself to get excited. But usually after 1 or 2 messages back and forth they stop replying anyway. This then further feeds into my RSD and feelings of low self esteem. Objectively I realise it probably has nothing to do with me, but it still hurts. How do you navigate the world of online dating? It feels completely impossible.",0 "Hey! So, I'm not looking for advices, but I want to hear from you fine folks how do you get stuff done ? I am very lucky to have V.E.R.Y. flexible work hours, and most of the days I feel like crap and don't get anything done. Maybe once a week I feel like working on something and I might work 15-20 hours, or like 3 hours and go do something else. How do you get out of the ""well, I'll just wait to die..."", And actually be a somewhat productive person? Have a nice weekend!",3 "That’s literally the whole post. Getting diagnosed and medicated has changed my life. I’ve been taking medication for the past 2 months, but I’m in the middle of switching insurances and wasn’t able to refill my prescription before then and ran out of pills (thankfully I should have my refill by Monday). You guys. I’m non-functioning. I can literally barely keep myself awake and operating and to top it off I thought my husband was running late for work and went to wake him up… it’s Saturday. He doesn’t have work today. Life doesn’t have to be this hard. It doesn’t have to feel like you’re running uphill through quicksand to try and do the bare minimum. Even if it feels like so many hoops to jump through to get diagnosed, please let me tell you it’s worth it. Today has been a huge reminder to me how grateful I am to have gotten help, and that I don’t have to stress and worry like I did before. If you’re needing a push or some encouragement to get help, this is it!!! Even if the medication isn’t for you, don’t struggle alone. Please reach out if you need help, that includes messaging me. Don’t be a stranger. Love you guys. Super late edit: I’m 28 about to turn 29 and I JUST got diagnosed this year. If you think it’s too late for you or you’ve made it this far so why bother? Please reconsider!",0 "Hello, I am going to grad school in Southern California and it is bright and sunny all the time. Every day I come home from school, I find myself absolutely exhausted from the experience of commuting. I think the sunlight really impacts me because I not only have to walk about 2 miles per day, but I also have to wait for the bus and metro in the very bright sun. The other past few weeks, I was having too much social contact (ie talking to people in between classes and messaging people on Facebook, in addition to meeting people 1 day of the week). I am used to social contact once every two weeks max, and I had a hard time adjusting. Since school's started I have scaled back on the 'chats' between classes and I don't eat lunch with people anymore, because I found that I get exhausted. I also find myself really overwhelmed with my backpack and having all of my things for school. (Right now my backpack has too many pockets and it's driving me insane). The thing that gets me, is that I have been so exhausted from commuting to school and being at school, that I don't find I have the energy to write. But I also know that I push really hard and maybe don't give myself enough time to recharge (don't know how to do that lol). Does anyone else have these problems? How do you cope with school and sensory overload? What are strategies you deploy to avoid having too much sensory overload?",3 "My Dad just messaged me saying that my Grandma is in hospital dying (she has cancer). My Grandma lives in another state and I can't go to the hospital easily to visit her or my Dad who has flown there. I called my Dad and tried to comfort him but I think I failed abysmally. Have any of you been in this situation? What can I do. I don't know how to react in this situation.",3 "Hey guys, I’d love to know peoples experiences and how they got control over rejection sensitive dysphoria? I have an ADHD coach who says she’s ‘not seen it as bad in anyone else in her career’ which clearly isn’t too great lol and I also understand it’s not technically a ‘medical diagnosis’ and just a term to describe the symptoms but people who have struggled with it/the symptoms, how did you learn manage it?",0 "Is your father your abuser? Do you question it? Do you think it’s all in your head? Do you wonder what is reality and what isn’t? Why does my body have such a giant reaction to the thought of him and his presence? Suffering.",3 "I love noses. Blowing into them. Sucking in air out of them. All sorts of stuff. And I just found out, the only other person I know with ADHD has a nose fetish. Is this common? For me, I rationalise it as, its an outstanding part of the face. Easy to fidget with, play with, just so many possibilities. And all are unique.",0 "Hi Reddit, I don't know what to do anymore. I (23/F) live by myself with my cat and am very lonely but that's only the tip of the iceberg. I live in the smallest town in the smallest state (look it up if you'd like to. Hint, it's about 8 miles long) that hasn't seen a lot of terrible violence in a long time. I moved to my new place in February and aside from some bumps (neighbor touching me, other neighbor thinking I'm insane when I opened up to them, etc.) I've been pretty good if not sad. I believe it's two weeks on Thursday, there was a shooting. Right. In. Front. Of. My. House. A murder hasn't happened in this town in 18 years but this guy who was very well know, got upset at the bar and went home and grabbed his gun and blew the head off of another well known guy in town and wounded another before going home and engaging in a shootout with police. I have PTSD already but my neighbor who was a good friend of his was screaming and crying and after he was dead she wanted to go see the body (she was very, very drunk) and me and another neighbor had to literally man handle her back into the yard. After all this I went with my father to get mom from surgery (she had her gallbladder out) and the cops let me go. After I got back though they wouldn't let me back onto the street even though there were little old ladies sitting in the ""live crime scene"". I went to the station but was very hyped up and when told I couldn't go to my house I banged on the glass. Next thing I know a guy (not in uniform, didn't identify himself) grabs my backpack and spins me around. I panicked and punched him and suddenly I'm on the floor and he informs he he's a cop and I'm being arrested. Yes, I struggled a lot. That didn't give him the right to repeatedly bash my head against the wall though. The Sargent who I sorta know came down the stairs and for a moment I thought I was safe until he starts screaming at me. They dragged me to the cell (""if you try anything you're going down again""), patted me down excessively after I informed them I'd been molested (the officer kept doing it again and again. I assure you, if there wasn't anything in my bra the first time there's nothing there the second and third), and sent me to a mental evaluation after calling me names and telling me I'm ""bat shit fucking crazy"". Man, the bruises that stayed for weeks didn't hurt nearly as much as that statement. I went to the evaluation and I got told after five hours I was brutalized and could go home. I now have a court date and mom has hired a lawyer but the cops refuse to check footage and insist I bit him and spit at him and punched him before he grabbed me (all of which is false). I can't turn to the cops anymore for assistance, I'd rather deal with stuff myself. Honestly, the police are supposed to protect you but now.... Idk anymore.",3 "You know when you say dont think of a pink elephant and all you can do is think of a pink elephant well for me its dont ""tense your mind"" but I cant help but tense it. ​ Its like you know when you say dont resist an emotion and you know you shouldnt but you dont have any choice but to resist it, well its like that except I resist it all day, and I get this GRIP or STRAIN in the MIND, ​ I cant stop it, any advice? ​",1 "I feel like i’ve dug myself into a hole that i cant get out of and there is a boulder of emotions crushing me to death. I’ve drifted away from most of my friends, i only really have one that i talk to almost every day, she’s nice and pretty, i had a big crush on her but i was scared to ask her out but that window has closed because she has a girlfriend now, it sucks for me but at least i still have her as a friend. I have a few friends im less close with, they’re fun to hang with in school but i dont hang with anyone out of school anymore because i kinda isolated myself away from my good friends, hopefully they’ll forgive me soon so we can be close again. Im not doing the best in school rn, the classes arent hard im just too depressed to do homework. i only have counseling/therapy a few times a month so its hard to manage my emotional state. See ya.",2 "As a teenager, due to my extremely poor self esteem and Asperger’s traits I wrote myself off - I didn’t dare let myself show interest in anyone and I didn’t entertain any interest in me, I always made excuses. Being gay in a catholic school also scared me of the judgment I’d receive on top of everything else I dealt with. I had almost no sexual desire and was kind of repulsed by the idea unless I was “in love” and “in a relationship”. Well, I had a 2 year relationship and that turned out to not be so true. I’m 21 now, and I kinda did a full 180 starting at 20. I want sex a lot. I don’t care if we’re in love or not, and I will have sex with a near stranger as long as I can build up some sort of tension and kind of feel them out first. I definitely want a relationship, but I also want to have sex with a ton of dudes. It’s kind of confusing, to be honest. I’ve never felt this way before and it’s so weird hearing guys tell me that I’m very sexual, the opposite of what I’d always expected of myself. I’m trying to figure out exactly what I want now but this whole thing just has me so confused. Anyone else on the spectrum go through something like this? Where you went from being not interested in sex at all to incredibly sexual? Or perhaps vice versa. I really can’t tell if this is an Asperger’s thing or if I was just in denial about my true nature all along.",3 "My partner is suffering from OCD, retroactive jealousy, and possibly other issues unaddressed. I myself suffer from several issues, and am aware that I can be difficult. Anyhow, we’ve been together for some time, but I see things spiraling out of control at this point. All levels of trust are now out the window (I have never cheated, or done anything unfaithful). My partner gets consistently angry with me, snapping over the small stuff. My intimate history is a major focus; they are convinced that I am not/was not moved on from former relationships before we began seeing each other. My partner is sour, angry, and full of resent. Their OCD rituals and worries are the worst they have ever been. Intimate is gone, and kindness is seldom. I simply wish to bask in the love we used to share for each other, but fear that they are now unreachable.",1 I hope I'm not the only one that believes they will actually hurt people. I was diagnosed with Ocd it's the worse.,1 "I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder with rapid cycling in 2016. I get a lot of bad mood swings and sometimes, my mood swings a lot in a day. I've been put on antipsychotics (which led to a lot of weight gain and in turn, severe self hatred at my body), mood stabilisers etc. But somehow, someway, I feel like nothing has improved. Infact, I can honestly say I am much worse than I was in 2016. Recently, I've been learning about PTSD. I've not been through war. But I've been sexually abused many times as a 11 year old. And for the past 5 years, I've gone through enormous emotional pain due to heartbreaks and bad (sometimes even abusive) friendships all through my Undergrad. So, I think do have some level of trauma in my life... I even took the PTSD checklist civilian version (PCL-C) and I scored 57 out of 85 which I guess, is slightly high. Thus, I feel like I may have been misdiagnosed. Because PTSD seems to explain everything I've been suffering..more than the diagnosis of Bipolar with rapid cycling. I just want to know if anyone was misdiagnosed with Bipolar disorder as well. Can you share your experiences and describe your mood swings so that I understood this better? It would really help me when I talk to my Doctor about this.",3 "I started taking Adderall XR and my twisted feelings aside it’s so freaking helpful. The only thing is the side effects are kind of intense. The suppression of appetite is really hard. I’m not hungry all day than I’m starving at like 8/11 pm. And like during the day, even if I feel hungry everything sounds gross and I feel kind of nauseous? I try snacking but it’s hard. I usually take my meds with water before breakfast at like 10/11am, they usually start wearing off at 8pm. People who’ve dealt with it, what worked for you? Is any food that sounded good to you? Are there any small but filling foods that helped?",0 "I tried to open up to my father tonight about what ive been through lately. Recently hes been stable and aupportive so i just though hed help me. I started talking and in the middle of it he said to stop. He knew all along but he doesnt want to know the details. He says it makes him too upset. Like motherfucker it doesnt make me upset? I cant sleep at night anymore, i have gaps in my memory, i have hallucinations that im being attacked and have vivid flashbacks. I don't even feel safe in my own body anymore. I feel like i'm not even in my own fucking body anymore sometimes. I just have no clue what to do anymore here. I need someone to talk to. Someone real who understands and has been there but no one really has. No offense to this subreddit, yall are great especially when im talking about stuff like this, but i would never talk in detail on here about what i went through. I had 2 brothers who lived it with me but we were in different positions and honestly the one im closest too is autistic and cant connect at all. Today we also tried to talk about it and he didnt offer any push back when i tried to say how futile it all was. I am angry honestly. I always pictured that if i ended up in the ptsd hole bad again there would be someone to pull me out but there isnt. What do i even do about that? I have a life to live but its so debilitating that i cant even go to the corner store to pick up a drink without feeling like a alien.",3 Life would be soooooo much better if I could start again with what I know now. If I could just avoid those mistakes and keep those people in my life.,2 "[Here's last week's thread](https://old.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/pkz7mu/hows_your_week_going_so_far_weekly_post_186/) Suggestions are ALWAYS welcome on how to improve the threads I post at any time. After all, I do this because the community wants these threads to exist, and I take the time out of my day (every Thursday and Saturday) to post the weekly threads, to ensure the community gets what it feels it needs. **So, continuing with the theme... /r/aspergers, How is your week going so far?** :)",3 "One of my more recent hobbies is that I collect manga. I really like it and the act of reading them is great. I also like displaying them. The look on the shelf is great. But I am so frustrated with myself - if I see any abnormalities or condition issues with any manga I have, I’m compelled to replace them. I seriously get so anxious, and upset about it. I start to get headaches. I was sitting there today looking at each one in a series I had under a flashlight to see if anything was wrong. If the pages are wavy or there’s creases, that’s a problem. It’s getting to be an issue because I’m spending money I don’t want to. I am lucky enough that I have a decently disposable income right now, but it’s money that could have been used elsewhere. Instead, I’m just buying something I already have. It’s not the first time I’ve had the joy sucked out of my hobbies. This is just a recent experience that makes me want to drop it all because it isn’t worth the stress that it gives me.",1 "I used to cut a little scratches on my wrist when I was in high school. Some students and teachers bullied me through high school for being obese so I decided to take some of the burden by cutting my wrist. I wasn't obese those people were just fatophobic 😒. It just feels good to feel physical pain when I'm feeling too much. Parents knew and we talked about it. Eventually I get better, knowing those bullies won't be with me for my whole life. But somehow I got a habit of cutting my wrist whenever I feel stressed. It's been 3 years since then. Now I'm in college far from home, haven't been able to go home for like 2 years. I was cutting my wrist to feel the edge whenever the final exams are too stressful or I can't do something. I stopped, tried to hold myself since May to go back home without scar this winter. I was doing so well though hmm all my old scar was fading. Don't wanna show my parents that i am struggling. Life is not too bad not too good. But today I lost. Cut my wrist again. I feel hopeless. Missed the deadline of the project I was working because I couldn't think of my building concept idea. I guess I am just stupid. Spent hours and hours crying I am at the point where my roommates won't even surprised that I am crying or even saw my bloody arm. Is there way to stop this habit? I work with cutting knife daily so it's little problem for me to hide sharp things from me. Please, anything to go home without scratches on my arm.",2 "tw- mentioning sa, nothing graphic or specific recently, i’ve really felt like i’m being gaslighted by my therapist. we’ve been doing trauma therapy for a few years now and i’ve recently decided i’d like to take a break and focus on my current life. since then, i’ve really felt like he’s gaslighting me. first, he keeps bringing up my trauma and asking if it “really happened” i never know what to say when he asks. sure, healthy skepticism is valid, but he’s my therapist i’ve been working with for years and it feels like a betrayal of trust. i told his yesterday “i feel like you don’t believe me” and his response was “no. i believe you more than you believe yourself” which felt like he was lying. if he wasn’t then why has he repeated asked me if i was faking? he’s frankly asked some really out there questions too. he think i should get a hymen check to prove what really happened happened. that made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable because a) i’m not even pursing legal action against my abusers at the moment b) hymen checks aren’t a good indication of sexual abuse and c) he should believe me unless i say otherwise. i even told him that was out of line and he said it was “just a thought” when he makes me uncomfortable or pushes me to speak about something when i don’t want to i tell him “i’m not ready to talk about this yet” and he told me “you’re going back to day one in therapy” which is really, really ironic because day 1 me had no sense of boundaries and always let him drive the conversation. i’ve finally built the confidence to advocate my needs and he treats me like that’s a bad thing. it makes me feel like i should just listen to him because he knows best and maybe i’m wrong for speaking up. sorry this was so long. i just wanted advice from others if this is normal behavior for a therapist or if i’m being gaslighted. i don’t use the word gaslight lightly but he’s making me doubt my own reality and perception of what happened to me. does anyone have any thoughts or advice? it would be appreciated",3 "im always extremely tired, it doesnt matter how much i sleep, is it because of depression or is that just a normal thing people go through? for me its just unbearable and stops me from doing even small things",2 "Sorry Im just venting"" ​ So today at work we had our future days, where children would come to see our workplace etc. (It's a national thing in switzerland). I had a really fun time cause all the children were so fascinated. Also I'm a really childish person so I already knew, that all the children would wanna play with me... I did, it felt good. But after they went home again, I started realising that I don't know much of my childhood and if I remembered something it was mostly bad, like being ignored or seperated from play by other kids. ​ It just makes me so sad, I wanna cry, but I can't cause im at work rn. I just wanna go back to being a innocent child and have a beatiful childhood with lots of friends and have my fascination back. Just wanna be me without anxiety and bad memories. I just wanna redo my childhood better and memorable.",0 "Im a senior in college, and I have always had a really hard time making friends. I went to school in Ohio and i'm from NJ, so I had to start from scratch when i came to school. I met a really close guy friend of mine my freshman year, and we were always strictly platonic, and neither one of us ever did anything suggestive to one another. After some friend drama with some girls my sophomore year, my guy friend and i became really close since I really only had him and one other person in college i could talk to. After all of this drama I fell into an extremely deep depression and he knew about it, and helped support me through it. Then by senior year, around August, he decreased communication with me. I would reach out and text him a meme here and there or ask a question that couldn't even be misconstrued as flirting, such as asking about classes since we have the same majors. I rarely heard from him. The only time i heard from him was when he asked for help on a coding assignment. I then found out he had a girl he was seeing, S. I accidentally ran into them in the parking lot of our apartment building. I was extremely nice to her, and with his permission, i introduced myself. I even told him privately how pretty i thought she was and how happy i was for him. And i was so genuinely happy for them, since i knew his luck with girls hadn't always been the best. After that it was very minimal communication, and always one-sided. He just wouldn't respond to me anytime i would text him, which wasn't that often anyways. When I met her a few times, by just running into them, she would be nice, but almost catty, but i ignored it and mocked it off to nothing. Then something happened which made me realize she didn't like me. My boyfriend works with S, and her friend, R. R had requested to follow me, when i didn't know who she was. My bf told me who she was and so i accepted her request and followed her back. I thought it was weird that S wasn't following me, but her close friend decided to out of the blue. That same day she did, my bf was working with them, and he saw them with each other laughing and going on Instagram, at the same exact time i got a follow request. I then realized why her friend followed me. It was to snoop on me. Almost immediately, her friend made me unfollow her, and i have a feeling it was to make sure i couldn't see that they knew each other. After 24 hours, she unfollowed me. I wouldn't have cared if she just followed me herself, but this made me really uncomfortable. I brought this to the attention of my friend, and said I didn't want to make her uncomfortable, and that I would stop talking to him if she didn't want me to. I got no response. I was nothing but nice and welcoming to her, and all I really got in return was losing a friend of almost 4 years. I am really hurt, and I don't know if this is common or not for girlfriends to do this to female friends.",2 "I'm just tired of this, man. Tired of a decade of severe mental illness. Being isolated from society. Having my dad die. Tears and grief and despair every. Single. Day. Without exception. I'm just so tired of it. I'm wasting my life away and I don't know what the alternative is. I've *tried* the alternative, it just ends in more panic attacks. This life is a trap. I guess these are the consequences of having a schizophrenic mom? Idk what else to say.",2 "Hi I was a sexual assault victim when I was 5-6 years old. This led me to develop a phobia for touching of individuals. Even though I am comfortable with parents and some relatives I am still uncomfortable even with my friends. I can't even stand still when two or more people are like standing surrounding me and my hands start shaking and speech fumbling. Once a girl tried to give me her number but because she and her friends were standing close to me my mind went blank and my hands started shaking so she typed it herself. I even get spooked when my friends (even roommates) come and put hands around my shoulders. I am not an introverted person who can't deal with human interaction. I can very much stand and give a speech in the public. Hell I was even elected as the school leader in 9th grade. But the PTSD flashbacks still haunts me. I tried therapy and it reduced it to some extents. But as it is chronic I shall have to live with it. Edit : Thanks every one for their support. It meant a lot to me talking to you people after years just locking up everything in me. I feel more determined to overcome this condition and feel better overall",3 "Not that anyone cares, but I just need to rant. A couple years back I was having a really bad depressive suicidal episode, and now I think it's mellowed out but I just feel flat. At work, one of my comfort people is being sent to another store, and I feel hurt because I feel like I'm losing the only person I could talk to and go to advice for. I don't even have anyone to tell about how I'm feeling because I don't have a support network. I just want to feel happy and wanted",2 "I'm not doing well lately (that's a euphemism--it's so much more than just ""not doing well""), and last night I had an awful panic attack that led to some violent thoughts. I've reached out to my doctor, of course, and have finally stated that I need to go on medication at this point. But I also don't feel safe being alone at this point. I've reached out to a couple close friends and have let them know/asked if I might come over to their apartment should I need someone. I feel like a burden. I should be able to control this myself, and I can't. I can't fix my own brain.",3 i don’t cut and i haven’t tried suicide in a few months. i’m in the waiting room of a mental ward and one kid is self harming. am i a fake for not doing that? am i someone who just made myself get depression? is it my fault?,2 "The things I would do so I can be popular, well known, and not awkward anymore. I really wish I had a huge group of friends who could accept me for who I am.",3 "Hi everyone. My SO and I have been dating for a few months now. He is head over heels in love with me as I am with him. He told me I’m the first girl to ever be interested in him as a friend and more. Recently I brought up the topic of sex and intimacy. He immediately blushed and got really uncomfortable. He told me he’d never had sex and that he was scared and didn’t know how to do it. My question is: how can I introduce intimacy to him? What is your experience with sex as ASD?",3 "I’m a 17 year old obese female. I have been picked on for my weight for as long as I can remember, even by family. I live with my grandparents and little sister, because my mom is a fucking whore and chose a man over her own kids. Yet she still try’s to be in our life after she left us for 2 years to shack up with her now husband. My haw was my only father figure and my only supporter. No matter what arguments would break up between me and my nana he would always take up for me. Then I met my boyfriend, he makes me feel like I’m cared about and loved and that I deserve to be happy. It was nice to have another person in my life that was there for me, but this past September I lost my haw to covid. He had signs of dementia but refused to go to a doctor until it go so bad off that he couldn’t remember anyone but my nana and sister. I still can’t figure out why I wasn’t good enough to be remembered. But now it’s just my sister and nana in the house. It’s so empty and all we do is fight. So my mom comes everyday to “help” around the house but she just yells at us to do stuff. My sister is the golden child and I’m the pothead, failing school disappointment. I never resulted to weed until after I lost my haw. Ive struggled with suicidal thought since 7th grade but I could half ass deal with it and the loss of my great grandfather, my cousin, my aunt, and my other cousins. But after my great grandma and haw, I thought maybe weed could help. But my mom found it in my room and told everyone about it. Now every morning that I’m not up by 10:30 am, my nana comes to my room and starts screaming about me being “doped up”. Regardless of if I do wake up early there’s a fight about something at minimum three or four times a day and I’m tired of being screamed at. Last night my mom went as far as throwing water in my face. My nana won’t let me get a job so I can’t save up for a car or to move out and I refuse to bum ass at one of my friends house without paying rent. I don’t know what to do, i think at this point id be better off dead but I don’t want to be a Facebook post of “local fat fuck kill’s herself”. I want to fucking die but I can’t bring myself to kill myself also because I don’t want someone to find my fat disgusting dead body. I’m on Wellbutrin but it doesn’t work. Why can’t I just be skinny and happy? I hate myself and I hate being alive. I just want it all to stop.",2 "(20 yo female, 240 lbs) I started taking methylphenidate ER 18mg about 4 days ago, and after 3 days of feeling nothing different i told my doctor and she said to start taking 2 tablets (36mg) in the morning to see if that does anything. I took 2 of them 3 hours ago (6:30am) and again I dont feel anything. Ive been getting a full 7-8 hours of sleep at night, no acidic drinks, i ate breakfast with them and ive been drinking water. I have no side effects, like raised heart rate, headaches. None of that. When you start adhd medication for the first time what should I be feeling? Is there something I should look out for so I know its working? Will I feel the effects laying here in bed or do i need to test it out by trying to do something?",0 "Ive been diagnosed with OCD for several years but only just came across this subreddit. I would often consider it a misdiagnosis but being on here has made me realize it affects me way more than i ever thought. i just learned about reading ocd, which describes a lot of my troubles with reading. i used to blame it all on my adhd, but i do have that deep fear that im missing things and not understanding and needing to reread all combined with a difficultly of focusing and a painfully slow reading speed even when not rereading. i feel like my ability to read has been degrading for years and only made worse by avoiding reading, especially when it will be challenging. but anyway, onto the topic of the post it also sorta describes why i struggle with picking up new video games. im so worried im going to miss important things (and often do anyway) then i think about how I'll have to replay it to get more out of it and now instead of just thinking about playing for an hour or two that day, I'm thinking about all the hours i have to play and now im overwhelmed by the thought of playing. i tend to only play casual games or ones without a heavy story like animal crossing or 5D chess. but theres so much more i want to play does anyone else think like this about video games? does anyone have tips on how to get over this kind of thinking?",1 "21M from the U.S.A. I live with undiagnosed chronic lower back pain (active for months), went to the ER for it just to be told nothing’s wrong and left with no new info besides a $1,200 bill (uninsured). Thanks, America! 🇺🇸 I can’t get a job because of my health problems. Most health insurance is employer based. Can’t afford college to expand my career options. Moments when I don’t feel numb, all I feel is PAIN. I can’t believe I was born to suffer like this. Born to die. There’s just no future here for anyone under 30 that’s low-income. :(",2 It takes me hours to eat everyday so I’m probably not eating as much as I should be and my friends and family think it’s funny I take such small bites and take so long. It feels like I can’t eat without thinking about it and it’s very anxiety producing. I get more anxiety just thinking about how this is probably terrible for my body long term. I also have trouble falling asleep because I think about my breathing and heart rate. Does anyone else panic because they think they’ll “forget” how to breathe?? OCD makes my life hell.,1 "Okay so in really just wondering if I can vent how I'm feeling as I've been wondering for years what's wrong with me and am just finding it hard to get mental help when I don't know what's wrong. Basically can I please bounce this shit off of yall and can you tell me if you relate? I've felt for a while that I most relate to ocd but it's really just hard to know bc so many people have different symptoms, I've taken countless of those stupid online tests too and they've always said I should be checked for ocd but I just don't trust them enough:') Anyways here goes, I might add some things in edits as I think tho cause my stoned brain go brrr rn Info for context if needed - I'm a female 19 years old in UK -Really up my ass about cleanliness(especiallyythe thought of anything being contaminated), spend a few hours cleaning daily as well as weird things like I have to wash the tap everyone I use it bc ut was previously touched with a dirty hand, won't touch cutlery etc if there is so much as a mark on it, avoid eating at other people's houses at all costs, can be bossy about telling other people to wash their hand and clean things a 'proper' way(only to do it myself after a lot of the times bc it isn't clean unless I cleaned it) - Really having troubles with intrusive thoughts varying on nature too. It can be as simple as I could smash this plate right now or bad sexual /violent thoughts (by bad sexual thoughts I mean like thinking of fucking some random old lady on the street, shit I'm not even into that disgusts me, but also just sexual thoughts in he background 24/7 honestly) I have been having these thoughts from I was a child too although they have only gotten worse as I've gotten older - Also just obsessing over my own wee things like, always overstocking with shit like food and supplies feeling like I'm always preparing for something? Making sure everything is always 'ready'. Things having to be done in a certain order, specific times and if things aren't going to plan feeling completely overwhelmed and having a breakdown - Constant overthinking of just everything honestly. Feels like I'm always just reliving everything every bad thought and event all at the same time in my head which is shit because if my boyfriend asks me what's wrong it takes so long to even get a sentence out because you can't pick out one thing to say when everything is spinning round your head at once These are some other mental symptoms I'm experiencing but I'm not sure if it has anything to do with ocd but gonna include so you get the bigger picture in case I'm way off. - not feeling like I know who I really am/ wondering if I really am my true self. Idk how to explain but it feels like I just have a different side of myself that I bring out when in different people's company, and I'm really just made u of quirks and personality I've gotten from my friends if that makes sense. And like anytime I do try to be 'myself' I just feel out of place and like I'm just not thinking how most others are - have hallucinations, mostly auditory though I have had visual a few times. Most of the ones I will get are hearing people whispering and footsteps when nobody is around- I once actually thought someone had broken into my house in midday as I heard the door open and people moving things around downstairs so barricaded myself in my bedroom and called my mum in an absolute panic(she was literally 2 doors away in he neighbours having tea and I lived with my parents a the time) I heard someone coming upstairs and was proper ready to shit myself. Then I heard the front door open, again for real this time and a few seconds later a knock on my door and could hear my mum saying to open, I moved my drawers away form the door and she said nobody was there. - Shame and self hatred. I feel a lot of guilt and shame and like I'm a horrible person for shit I have done, and it's things I know I'm truly not to blame for just bad situations I got in, but can't help but to blame myself and always feel the disgust that comes along with it. --- comes along with the odd sprout of loving myself every once in a while only for it to crash right back down again though Anyways thankyou sm to anyone who actually takes the time to read this and hopefully it makes sense :) If you need anymore info pls ask and if anyone has anything helpful would be good",1 "I'm in my thirties and happily child-free. Not in a militant way; I don't hate kids, I just don't want any. I was certain about this even as a teenager. There are various reasons: they're loud and unpredictable, they're expensive, I'm not at all a parental type, my genetics are all messed up (with other inherited conditions, not autism), and why bring kids into this messed-up world? I even suck at babysitting because I never know how to act around kids. Besides, I could imagine having a neurotypical child who grows up incredibly embarrassed by my social mistakes and awkwardness. Or an autistic child who has to go through any of the hell I've survived over the years for being obviously different. And would I want that mandatory socialization with other parents when my kid is school age? YMMV. I'm curious about how prevalent a child-free status is among other autistic adults. Do you have children of your own? Would you want to have children? If you do have kids, what do you enjoy most about being a parent?",3 "This is purely anecdotal, but coffee doesn't really make me sleepy. I haven't been diagnosed yet, so I don't know if I have ADHD-PI or not. Should coffee make me sleepy if I am, or is that not a thing for primarily inattentive? Character count bot is yelling at me, so [insert disgruntled musings on the virtues of brevity here]",0 "Today while I was driving home from work and it was a very glarey day, due to a cold morning (1C) and a bit of lingering fog (it’s winter here) so the sun was really hurting my eyes, but because I didn’t make the connection between polarised light hurting my eyes and my sunglasses which were in my work bag on the passenger seat, add to this me being tired (it was a 4:30am start- I’m a shift worker) and by the time I got home 30 minutes later I had a splitting headache. And the worst thing was I knew I had my sunglasses and I knew I should wear them on days like this, it’s just my autistic brain didn’t make the connection between my eyes are hurting because of the glare and put on your sunglasses",3 "Hi recently found out this sub. All i want to say thank You for Everybody who trying to help us. I tried several Times to kill myself but sometimes even Word is enough. Right now im out of job which is main factor rn for my depresion in past a lot of stress and self hate made me do things i dont want to do. I think the worst Times comes becoaus i dont have anyone on christmass Hope i dont try anything stupid. Times are trough no money for food and no one to talk but i want to wish Everybody a happy christmass Hope we find someone out there to share bad and good Times",2 "(Let me start off by saying I mean low level autism as having mild symptoms.) I got diagnosed with ADHD a year ago at 20f and I think I might also be autistic. If I am tho It doesn’t negatively affect my life a whole lot. Im unsure if I should try to get diagnosed because, on one hand I want to know, but on the other I don’t know if a diagnosis would be worth the trouble. Im afraid the doctors are going to blow me off because I can function in society. (My GP did that with my ADHD) Plus I’ve got ADHD and anxiety so some of the autistic traits I’ve notice in myself might come from that. Idk I’m unsure what I should do. Let me know if you have gone through a similar situation.",0 "Do you overshare? I think I do, once I did some research on the topic. It's often ended badly for me, I used to share basically myy whole life and document all of my mental health issues and stuff and would feel a compulsive need to share them with anyone new I spoke to. (I don't do it anymore now I realise that could and has been problematic). I also overshare sexually, like sometimes I say things when in the context it wouldn't be appropriate, or say or share things of a sexual or semi-sexual nature that I end up regretting almost instantly. Can anyone else relate to thius?",3 "Can anyone relate to this? I have flat affect but people perceive it as resting bitch face. I only recently realized I struggle a lot with reading faces or interpreting people's feelings from their faces. I think I am expressive but it is rehearsed, a lot of what faces I think I should make, so it's more in the realm of masking. And there's a lot of detachment between my face and my thoughts/feelings. I've been told my face is hard to read and I've attributed it to that. I know I have alexithymia, so I feel emotion and experience emotion and am inclined to think I experience anhedonia as well but I don't know feel like the emotions or feelings are real. I can see someone be sad or cry and empathically feel bad for them but I don't really experience it, I immediately rationalize it into nothing even if I am physically distressed (such as anxiety/panic attacks).",3 "I just want to vent because I opened up to one of my old coaches I am close with today about my ADHD and they told me “well every kid here (at the school we were at could be diagnosed with ADHD” with no further elaboration. Um excuse me? No? He’s a parent of two ADHDers (I think they’re adopted). It was such a frustrating experience because I don’t think he realizes how much of a struggle it really is to go the entirety of grade school undiagnosed. It brushes off the trauma that comes with it as well. It made me really angry. At the end of the day, only the kid could tell you that. Why do some parents that don’t suffer from ADHD say these things? It’s really hurtful and invalidating.",0 "Hello. I found out a few months ago that I have aspergers. I'm 27 and had no idea most of my issues and bad experiences throughout my life were due to this. I really don't like learning about stuff that I label as boring, so I dont even touch the subject. Ergo I had no clue what autism is and how complicated it is until a psychologist indicated it and asked the right questions. I'm just here to see if I can finally find someone that is like me. Long shot but wth I'm not truly myself with anyone and it fucking sucks. Especially know since it's built into my behavior after years of learning how to be popular and how to interact t with people.",3 "i'm a sex trafficking survivor, i managed to escape a little over a year ago. i went into inpatient treatment for months, then lived in a sober living, and now i live by myself. i always have had nightmares throughout this last year, but i lived with multiple people and felt safe enough to go to sleep... i can not let my guard down at night. i will stay up until it's light out, which is around 6am, and i have to go to work at 9:30, i sleep for literally two hours a night. i am so scared someone will come hurt me, or take me again, i stay up with a bat, pepper spray, and peak outside at any noise. it's hard to admit how bad it's gotten, but i live in such fear and pain. i'm even on fucking seroquel, and it doesn't work, i fight the sleep because i'm terrified of being unaware of my surroundings. when it's light out, i can sleep though. i feel safer. before i was kidnapped and put through sex trafficking, i was a young girl on the streets and homeless. so sleeping during the day was needed bc if i was not in guard at night i'd be assaulted, and i was taken by the men who trafficked me during a night i fell asleep on the street. i don't know what to do :( i've got nobody to come sleep over, because every friend i have is in a relationship and lives with their significant other. (i can't form close relationships, especially with men, even though i desperately wish i had someone to show me tender care and protection) i've come so far, from where i was, but i feel like my past prohibits me from going any further. the toll the lack of sleep and paranoia is taking on me is killing me. idk what to do..",3 The power went out to the whole store and everyone had to shop in the dark for twenty minutes. It was amazing.,3 "I don’t have any friends the one friend that I had moved away to another state we still talk on the phone but as far as hanging out with anyone I don’t have that I had a lot of friends I guess you could call them friends I don’t know I got sober to you’re sober now they stayed doing do drugs and other things going back-and-forth to jail I chose not to do that life so I don’t hang out with them anymore I don’t like hanging out with other people or sober that I’ve met because they act like they’re high and mighty and life is just too fucking awesome Idk what to do The holidays are coming up and I don’t have nobody I can talk to",2 For example every time I’m in a car I think “what if I start getting hit and run OCD right now” and start checking all my thoughts and mirrors to make sure I won’t get it and make sure I won’t hit anyone,1 "i’ve had this problem since i was a little kid. i’m 16 now and it’s gotten worse. i have big blisters on the back of my head that is very red and inflamed due to picking scabs there. my mother is constantly looking through my scalp and keeps telling me i’ll get an infection. which isn’t great for me because then i’ll be thinking i have skin cancer or some wack shit. i used to do this with my ears, and would pick the scabs i created by literally tearing a layer of skin off my ear with my nails. i do this when i’m very stressed and anxious as it helps me to relax and focus. sometimes i just do it when i’m bored. is it just my ocd? does anyone else have this problem? and i could treat it? thank you! :)",1 "I really like the yoyo, rubik's cube, pen spinning, and I just bought a balisong trainer. Are there any other hobbies like that you could recommend that scratch that stim itch?",3 "Man. Life is going ok. I'm 41 female. Life long sufferer of depression and anxiety. Medicated the last 20. I'm starting a new job, starting graduate school, stopped drinking and I just finished TMS. My depression was down to zero. Now all I want to do is lay around, sleep and cry. Out of the blue. So damn disheartening.",2 "Guys, for those who have recovered, what is recovery like? I feel so lost. My OCD has been so bad these past few weeks and I feel very alone. I want to know, in recovery do you feel like your mind is ""strong""? What do you feel like? Do you feel ""normal""? Can you live a normal life without the things that would have before bothered you bothering you? I appreciate any of your comments. Cheers, Ben",1 "hello im 15F and im scared that im a zoophile. so i love cuddling my dog because he’s so cute and he’s really fun to play with. awhile ago, i was rubbing his belly and he was between my legs. suddenly, i felt like an urge of having sex with him. i felt so uncomfortable because i didnt want to think of that. does that mean i want to have sex with my dog? does that mean im attracted to my dog? this is so weird and uncomfortable that i want it to go away. i dont want this to be my new obsession. im not diagnosed with ocd but a few months back, i think i had hocd, tocd, and other types of ocd. i hope that this is not true. i cant imagine being sexually attracted to my dog. i dont want it to be true but since i experienced that, is it true? pls give me an answer. please, thank you",1 like its saying that i did this bad thing on total accident once and that ill lose my gf because of it but i just. dont remember doing this. ive been digging in my memory for DAYS and i dont even have a vague memory of this or anything related to it but i still dont feel like i can brush it off because i genuinely just do not know if this happened. its a small thing too. ive been going off the impression that i did do this but i just dont know :(,1 "I don't know why I'm writing this. I'm just not doing well right now. On top of the abuse I got from a step parent when I was a teenager, I was also in an abusive relationship for almost two years. It's been several years since we broke up, but I only really started to process and deal with the abuse this year and I was officially diagnosed with cptsd a couple of months back. New years eve and new years day are trauma anniversaries for me. The first new years my ex and I were together he sexually assaulted me at gun point. It wasn't the first time he'd assaulted me, but it was the first time that involved a gun. He continued to use a gun to make me do things a lot more after that. Every year after that I spent the entire week of new years very very drunk. This year is my first sober new years. This is actually the first time I've even been able to say it.. Well... write it actually ... I still can't say it. The R word is still a pretty bad trigger for me and I can't make myself say it and when I see or hear it I start twitching or have flashbacks. It took me months to be able to let my therapist know because I couldn't say it. I can't stop thinking about that night. I can't stop wishing that he would have just pulled the trigger rather than let me live like this. Everytime it comes back I feel like it's happening all over again and it takes me days to remember that it didn't happen again, that I'm safe now. I still feel hollow, empty, and worthless with a churning in my throat and stomach like I have a scream trapped inside me that won't come out. It makes me feel so sick I want to vomit and curl up in a ball to make the pain stop. I still feel like it was all my fault even though those close to me remind me often that it wasn't. I'm still angry at myself for everything that happened though. I keep trying to correct my train of thought but it keeps going back to the same thought. I just keep thinking that he should have pulled the trigger. I'm trying my best to stay sober and cut free. I'm trying so hard to stay grounded and use all the tools I have been given by my therapist. Its not stopping the thoughts though, it's invading everything I do. It's been 77 days since I last self harmed and I spent the better half of the year learning to control my drinking. I don't want to jeopardize that because of 6 words that won't go away but I'm scared that I'll have put in all that work and still manage to screw it all up.",3 "I have seen an improvement in many areas in my life and I am thankful for those. However, most of the things I felt 100% completely helpless and knew that only time could make things better. I just want to know if the concept of “with time things will get better” actually is real. Or am I being lied to and I actually have to learn somethings. The sooner I learn the better. Because somethings I actually have no idea how to experience since I have never experienced before. ex) 1. Having friends rather than acquaintances. 2. Enjoying life. I don’t know how to experience the following above because I know them intellectually but never really experienced them before. Does it improve with time naturally or am I going to have to put in the work for these skills to start improving?",3 "I was fairly sure, after doing my own research, that I was on the spectrum. Apparently the doctor said it was like I was barely off the spectrum to be diagnosed. I've had problems with over-stimuation, mostly just sound, but it is really inconsistent, sometimes I'm easily stimulated, other times I can take it for hours I don't really get social cues. I almost never make eye contact. I went to therapy from about ages 5-12 for 'anger management' that barely touched on anger and was mostly about identifying different emotions. I was non verbal until I was three. I've always had poor balance, hand-eye coordination and fine motor skills. I've always been terrible at sports. The main thing I don't do is stim, I usually just reach my limit and have a meltdown. I feel like a fraud. Like I was just looking for attention or that I was just being stupid. I was fairly sure I had something wrong with me, as were my parents when I was about 2, but I guess I was wrong. I just wanted to vent and talk about it so thanks to anyone who reads this.",3 "I have ADHD type inattentive and hyperactive. I’ve been taking medication and it’s been helping the inattentive aspect but the hyperactivity is getting worse. Usually just running around the house a few times a day was enough to not cause extreme stress but now I NEED to go to the gym for at least an hour and do extreme exercise. if I miss a day because I’m busy I just become stress city. And not gonna lie I do feel like I’m pushing my body’s limit on many days and it’s physically tiring. How do you guys cope with the hyperactivity without physically draining yourself? Ps. I already quit caffeine because it doesn’t do well with the medication I’m taking. (Concerta) Ps again. I’m following up with a psychiatrist soon I just need a temporary fix because I just need things to do on days I can’t exercise",0 "2020 has been one of the worst years of my life and I just need to vent. In March of 2020 , my best friend/ roommate committed suicide. It was such a shock to everybody. We knew he struggled with depression, but you can never prepare yourself for your friend taking their own life. It happened right at the beginning of quarantine too. My entire life took a 360 and I had no idea how to feel because I had never lost someone. I had a really bad panic attack about a month after he passed while I was high from smoking weed (I used to smoke multiple times a day because it really helped with my anxiety). The panic attack was so scary and I think I went into psychosis because I was convinced that the government was trying to fry my brain through telephone towers. It makes no sense but it was the worst fear I ever felt in my life. After this really scary panic attack I didn’t have another one for around 2 months. During that time I met my boyfriend and I felt like he was a blessing from God and he saved me. I was so in love and he eased the pain in my heart so much. I was convinced that my friend who passed sent him to me in order to protect me. The first month of our relationship was like a movie. Then, I found out I was pregnant. I’m 19 and A working student so I made the decision to get an abortion. The abortion was the most difficult decision I’ve ever made. It was physically, mentally, and emotionally the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. Since the abortion happened 2 months ago I’ve experienced panic attacks almost weekly. On a bad week I’ll have more than one. Some of them are just minor panic attacks with anxiety and shaking, but the worse ones come with an extreme feeling of dread and derealization where I literally feel like I’m going insane. It almost feels like I’m tripping. It’s just as scary every time I have one. It never gets better. These panic attacks are emotionally exhausting and usually I can’t do anything productive for the rest of the day because I’m afraid to trigger another one. I feel like I’m going through life walking on eggshells. Anyways, two weeks ago I found out that the same boyfriend who had gotten me pregnant had cheated on me 4 times while we were together. I went through his phone and found out that he even made a tinder the day I was having my abortion. I was devastated. I broke up with him and he absolutely lost it, making multiple suicidal threats which triggered me heavily after the passing of my friend. The first week being apart from him I felt great and actually very empowered because I was proud of myself for leaving a toxic relationship. In the past, I haven’t been so quick to leave toxic relationships, so this breakup was a big self-love move. Everything was going fine and I wasn’t having panic attacks until about 5 days ago. The loneliness and betrayal hit me. I started having a panic attack in my bed out of nowhere and I had to rush to my moms house because being with my mom always makes me feel more safe. I was so scared driving over there because nothing felt real and all I could hear was screaming a terror in my head. This panic attack was worse than any one I had in a while and I had to call out of work the next day because I didn’t get any sleep all night. I went to my primary care doctor the next day and she was able to get me in with a psychiatrist in November. I can’t wait to get help. For the past 5 days my anxiety has been so bad. Like chest pain all day and I constantly feel like I’m at the verge of tears. I feel so consumed by pain that I have to put in so much effort to even see the future for myself. It hurts so bad and I’m terrified that these panic episodes will never end. It feels like hell. I don’t know how to stop being haunted by the death of my friend. I can’t unhear the screams I heard in the living room that night. I can’t undo getting pregnant. I don’t regret my abortion. But the pain and loneliness that I felt during that time (and still feel) is relentless. And then the man I love betrayed me. It’s too much. I don’t feel like I’m living anymore because it’s hard for me to enjoy anything. I just want my life back. I’m not the same as I used to be. I pray every day for God to heal my soul but sometimes the pain is too deep and I can’t even feel God anymore. I feel shame and guilt and I don’t know what I did to deserve this feeling. I can’t take it anymore. I’ve felt like I have PTSD for a few months now but it’s getting worse. Whatever is happening. I’m not diagnosed with anything but we’ll see what the psychiatrist says. I need help. It hurts to live because all I feel is pain.",3 "I've been pretty screwed with PTSD for the past 7 months. I'm using clonazepam, alprazolam and etc and they work well, surprisingly. I just wanted to know if there's anything I can do that it's more healthy because I keep thinking of my trauma at least 6 hours in my day and it really exhausts me. I don't want to abuse medication (take excessive clonazepam or so) and I'd like to know if there's anything you guys do to try to get your head out of it.",3 "People say follow your dreams but I don't have any except when I'm asleep. Last night I got and odd dream that in the end made me feel excited, loved and happy. I haven't felt that while awake in a long time. And then during that amazing moment everything crashes down, I wake up. There im laying in bed keeping my eyes closed because I don't want to leave those feelings behind. But it's already to late the feelings vanished and my mind is on. I know I'll probably never experience that for real and every night I have a small amount of hope that I won't wake up and get to live happily in my dreams forever. I guess good fake things are better than bad real things and numbness. I was wondering if anyone experiences the same.",2 "this course i'm taking this semester is only gonna follow the textbook. i legit need to memorize the textbook. and other 4 courses i'm taking are all teachers who read the slides and then info dump you. my upperclassmen told me i would have to know the bullet points in the slides by heart and i'd pass w flying colors. does anybody else hate it when the class is just raw info dump that you can't even properly place on top of what you already know? and besides - if i wANTED TO SUFFER THROUGH VERBALLY HEAVY CLASSES AND READINGS TO DO AND SHIT I WOULDN'T HAVE CHOSEN THIS MAJOR BRUH I LEGIT AM ONLY HERE BC I LIKED MATH ENOUGH TO BE ABLE CONCENTRATE ON IT TO BE GOOD ENOUGH AT IT FFS anyways does anybody want to recommend a google chrome text to speech extension idk which on to trust but i'd like to have the pdf read it ugh edit: it also sucks bc english is not my first language and these are all academic level complex structured sentences so i have to process every sentence very carefully even tho i'm pretty good at english it's still hard uGH btw i'm in comp sc and eng if anyones interested tl;dr: teacher doesnt teach me - and i cant read what im supposed to learn and there is no other material",0 "I started going to therapy in august this year and also started medication for my depression in september. The last time I went to my therapyst was in october, then she texted me to cancel an appointment and I asked her to make another one but she never texted me back. Also I went to my psychiatrist in November to an appointment and after waiting 1,5 hours i left. I'm done with this shit. This is my second psychiatrist. I asked for fucking help and it got worse. So I might end it all soon.",2 "Mine: I can tell the alphabet backwards, although there will probably never be a situation where I need it. For example, there will never be a situation where someone says: Quickly we need help, can someone among those in the room recite the alphabet backwards (hope you understand what I mean). Now I'm curious about your talents....",3 "First the police… They didn’t put my abuser in prison. Literally why let someone who tried to emotionally manipulate me into having sex with them (he failed) and pointed a gun to me out of the blue stay free? Are they waiting for someone to die before they do something? They threatened to arrest me for leaving my home at night because my family didn’t know. They say they are there to protect you but they aren’t. Then the fact that I didn’t listen to anyone… gaslighting People tried to warn me and I didn’t listen. I couldn’t listen I was being gaslighted left and right to believe my abuser was a good person. It’s scary. I felt like I was confused and going crazy and feel like I couldn’t trust anybody anymore. I’m scared to walk outside alone when I get flashbacks or reminded. My thoughts won’t shut up. Whenever people tell me they warned me or whatever it just feels like I’m being blamed for being stupid. I can’t remember why I stuck around really- I mean there was no chance I could love someone like that- Why I didn’t file a PFA: Because I didn’t want my abuser knowing their actions affected me and didn’t want to look like I was weak. Also because they haven’t come near me after the event. Somethings I found out about my abuser: * Things they blamed other people for they were the ones doing. Ex: they call their ex crazy turns out they are the crazy one. * Said he was accused of rape that he didn’t do suddenly after being reminded about the event because something happened recently that reminded me of him I can remember the moment I didn’t believe him because he tried to emotionally manipulate me into having sex when I was clearly not ready. * remembering the day he told me about this sick fantasy he had about erasing a person oh wait a whole entire family which entails me that they knew what they were doing. Why am I struggling to live in the present and not blame myself for things? I don’t know. I need to cry. I don’t want to talk about it because I feel like I’m going to be blamed for making poor choices or whatever. I’ll admit I did make a poor choice but I don’t think it’s entirely my fault because it’s not like I was in a state of mind to understand if I was being abused or not. Why do I feel like I’m a shit person and deserve it and that everything bad that happens is a result of me and the way I think? I don’t know 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m paranoid and delusional. Don’t know if I should check myself into the psych ward at this point it’s awful 😞",3 Have you ever cheated death? If so when and how? Full stories.,3 "TL;DR is I fucked up and hurt someone and they distanced themselves from me, instead of giving them space I kept trying to reach out to them and apologise. I tried to keep a distance but every single time my mind just swivels out of control with negative thoughts of how I should apologise and otherwise they'll never return and my mind keeps echoing it nonstop until I try to reach out again. What the hell do I do, my impulsive side of ADD is literally ruining everything and I feel absolutely terrible for it.",0 "Every time I start to improve, I end up right back at square one! It ALWAYS happens! I'm starting to think that I'm utterly hopeless!",1 "I hate looking in the mirror. I look like my dad, all I see is his face when I look at myself. I hear him in the words I use sometimes, even the way I say things. I don’t want to be anything like him, he’s a violent, abusive piece of sub-human shit. But sometimes he’s all I see in me. Other times I just see my mum. Her constant self-centred, over-dramatic behaviour. My weak mental state. At least I can’t constantly make it everyone else problem and seek attention from people, at least I’ve learned to separate myself from the world and conceded that I don’t even like people anyways. But I’m still mentally weak, just like her. I’ve struggled with anorexia, just like mum. I used to be an alcoholic just like my dad. Still have to constantly fight off the urge to just say “fuck it” and start drinking until I can’t feel anymore. Still have to fight the urge to attempt suicide like my mum’s done time and time again. So fucking ashamed of my attempt, told myself I’d never do that. But I’m only really ashamed that I survived, constantly wish it had’ve killed me, can’t even fucking kill myself properly and now it probably just looks to the very few people that knew about it that I just did it for attention. I wish I could carve my face off. Rather walk around with a bloody, skinless mess of a face then the one I have. I can fucking feel them in my blood, feels like there’s poison in my veins, like my blood is fucking tainted, rotting everything inside me that it touches.",3 "My doctors misdiagnosed my cancer and did a lot of permanent damage to me. Everytime I want to do something my mind instantly thinks ""what would my life would have been like if they didn't misdiagnose me"". Its making me very depressed",3 "Basically just the title. Does anyone *not* have nightmares? I know technically one intrusion symptom is needed but I’ve never heard of someone having ptsd and not having nightmares (or flashbacks. But I have a different question for what a flashback is so I’ll make another post!) (Thank you!)",3 "I’ll get right into it since I don’t really know where to start. Something I’ve gotten more and more aware of as of late is my constant fear that people think I’m overreacting or being over dramatic, even in situations where I know I’m not. I’d say the most clear examples of things that fueled those fears are probably health related. It sometimes feels like the people around me tend to assume the concerns I raise are at least 3 levels too high, and as a result, take them at least 3 levels less seriously. I feel like it's definitely one of those indirect ways ADHD can negatively impact your health and tbh even life expectancy. **(Some examples, it was really the best way I could think of to explain what I mean, feel free to skip to the TLDR if you don't feel like reading lol)** As a kid, my parents and all the adults around me just assumed I was being dramatic for 6 months when I was telling them my hip hurt a lot and I couldn't just ""stop limping"". Turns out two of the bones in my hips were slowly sliding apart. Even when I fell and they were finally completely ripped apart, and I thought I'd die from the pain alone, I was non stop screaming and begging them to call an ambulance, they all thought I was just being dramatic. I was legit relieved when the doctors told me just how severe and serious my injury was, cause at least they'd all know I hadn't overreacted. My right hip has permanent damage that could have been avoided if someone had just taken me seriously enough to take me to a doctor in time. I was telling my therapists and doctors for years that I couldn't concentrate, couldn't remember anything or keep track of important dates, couldn't stand sitting still during lectures and the advice I got was to ""go grocery shopping without a shopping list to train my memory"" or ""meditate"" or ""start journalling"". I feel like I gave them everything they needed to start suspecting ADHD, but they just dialled the severity of my claims down to a much lower level than they actually were. My untreated ADHD messed up my life and brain for years and years and the way back has been, and still is, so long. Basically **TLDR:** I feel like the way my ADHD sometimes makes me ""overreact"" has led to people in my life just assuming I'm exaggerating or being over dramatic in many situations where my concerns were actually completely legit, which has majorly fucked me over quite a few times tbh.",0 "So I lowered my welbutrin from 450mg to 300mg because my anxiety was sooo bad.. I also started taking 10mg of prozac.. ran out 2 days ago though... um so all week I have been falling back into my depressive ways.. not cleaning up after myself, wasting entirely too much time on social media mindlessly scrolling. It's been really hard to cope with the changes. Does anyone else feel this way? Also realized I should probably stop drinking too because it just makes everything worse. Fkin hate everything right now.. just need someone to relate with.",2 "Sorry for the wall of text. Tl;DR: I have eczema, it exacerbates sensory issues when washing, insert spongebob “I’m a dirty boy” (even though I’m not a boy). For the record, I am also an autistic eczema sufferer (specifically atopic dermatitis) and I am looking for coping mechanisms. Specifically how to increase the quality of my hygiene, for example I find myself avoiding bathing and even washing my hands after going to the bathroom because of the sensory issues that it causes with drying my skin out and the rituals I have to go through to ease them (putting on lotion *every time* I go to the bathroom, which is especially hard in public places where i have to specifically bring lotion if I want it, and putting lotion on basically my entire body after bathing). This obviously has detrimental effects, not even just about drinking or something, I’ll get wounds on my scalp from scratching it too much because it gets really itchy after I don’t bathe for a white (seborrheic dermatitis, another form of eczema and which I also have, also exacerbates it). Does anyone have any coping mechanisms for this or do I just basically have to continue suffering?",3 "A few years ago I had the worst time of my life, I made changes and I've got myself on track, I managed to get an apprenticeship to get into the career I want, I have tried reconnecting with old friends, but I still don't feel like I belong, I never have, I was always a weird kid in school and didn't have many friends, and I've grown a lot, I'm now 23 and consider myself a lot better than I was when I was younger. I realised a few months ago that I have an insecurity where I don't feel loved or cared about. I got past the worst time of my life, I got past when I was a dumb kid cutting myself, why is my mental health slipping again? I fear I might just be lonely, but I want to be happy with myself rather than fill the void with relationships or meaningless sex",2 Hello! New to this community. In the last year I’ve been hit by texting drivers four times and I’m struggling to regain my ability to commute / get to work. I shutter and choke when someone follows me too closely. I pull off of the road when I see someone looking downward and in that same sense - I pay too much attention to the eye sight of the person behind me. Does anyone have any advice regarding this type of PTSD? I love my job and need to drive- I also love to hike and would like to drive to do that! Help!,3 "This has always been an issue of mine. I experience a lot of sensory overloads. Definitely if im tired. My girlfriend and i have been together for almost 10 months now. I’ve tried to explain to her multiple times what its like etc. But she doesn’t get it. For example, In moments where i get a sensory overload she wants to comfort me. And she does that by hugging. But for me that makes the sensory overload worse. I know she really wants to help. So my question: How do you explain to people what sensory overload is so they understand it and can help with it?",0 "There’s just something so pure about the happiness (or dopamine hit) that I feel from browsing for, purchasing, and bringing home a new book. I know that I already have so many books I haven't even begun reading (and also a lot of books that are partially read yet gathering dust on the shelf). Yet, I never regret it. Seeing them around my place still regularly makes my heart flutter with happiness. I think it’s because every unread book within my reach represents a potential adventure, a transportation to a new world for a few hours, or at the least learn something interesting. I’ve never regretted reading a book, even if it’s bad, because it’s the perfect stimulation for my ADHD brain. I just wish it wasn’t so damn hard to start reading, because if I get distracted or have to stop often I get bored and lose interest and abandon it forever. Anyone have any advice for reading more consistently? I do the best when I read a novel quickly, in one sitting, which does take a few hours and I don’t always have that much time.",0 "I'm 26 and I don't want to try anymore. I spend hours and hours in bed or watching YouTube or social media because I don't want to think about my life. I had an engineer degree with honors but I'm not proud of myself, I feel like an impostor, I can't get a job, interviews make me nervous and generally I end up sabotaging myself. I look at other people and their achievements and feel bad about myself, like a looser. I don't have social skills, I make everything awkward and sure people thinks I'm weird. Always struggled with these problems but I managed to keep going by learning things that could help me, hoping to be successful in my career, but at 26 I don't think that will happen. And if it happens, I don't think it will make me happy anyway. I have always said that if I found a good job the first thing I would do would be to go to the psychiatrist or wherever people could help me, but I see that possibility further and further, I am losing the battle. I no longer find things that excite or motivate me, I just want to put everything on autopilot.",2 "When you’re wasting your time away and you know that you’re wasting time, but in the end don’t really care that you are. How do you change?",2 "Has anyone experienced the onset of a depressive episode starting and it suddenly go away after a few days? Throughout the last couple weeks I’ve been trending down, and yesterday I started feeling completely normal again. I had my meds adjusted and been working with light therapy as precautions but they shouldn’t be making a difference yet. Has anyone else experienced this?",2 "I have ADHD and was recently diagnosed with anxiety and depression. My usual dopamine sources are gaming, music, drawing and lately scrolling through Reddit and YouTube. From time to time though I really just hate all of that and I find myself wanting to smash my Xbox or delete my Reddit account and give up on every object that makes me happy. We all have our dopamine sources but what do we do on the days where those sources just don't seem appealing? I played Xbox last night but it wasn't fun. It was frustrating. I scrolled Reddit this morning before work but it just didn't give me that kick in the pants. I think this is the depression coming out to say hello and I can feel myself sipping into the state of negativity and emotional isolation. Usually I will just lay on my bed after work and scroll through Reddit or YouTube anyway out of boredom but I get no enjoyment from it. Does anyone have any suggestion on how to cope with this? Every time it happens it really sucks. Edit: WOW! Thank you all for the overwhelming responses. This community is amazing and I actually feel so much better just reading all these comments.",0 "Risperidone has made me fat, I was put on it when I was in a psych ward, I gained weight fast, now my Psychiatrist is prescribing me Aripiprazole, its meant to be better for weight and QT interval, two things that were of issue, as well as potentiation my other meds to increase the tranquilizer effects. Does anyone have experience going from risperidone to aripiprazole? What was it like? I'm so scared I'll end up harming myself and back in hospital.",3 "(Autistic person near the Aspie end of things) This is the worst time for year for me. I’m teaching in Japan, and the students are now getting ready for their next year. We teachers have dozens of things to prepare and finish, and new kids to greet and teach. We’re moving to a new building as well. On top of that, this always falls during the American tax season, so I have to worry about this as well. No matter what I do, or how much I try to do it right, it seems I always mess up one tiny thing on my taxes (not even a real issue usually)and obsess over it until I have a massive stomachache. (Like right now) It’s impossible to figure this stuff out as an expat and it drives me insane (yes I scour all the tutorials CONSTANTLY). Sorry to rant. Just needed to say it to SOMEONE before I throw up.",3 "Well, I've been reading about sensory differences in ASD, and I know sometimes it's about hypersensitivity, sometimes hyposensitivity, and sometimes a weird combination of both. I also found that a lot of autistic people report having an enhanced sense of smell, but studies show pretty contradictory data. Some studies show increased smell, others impaired smell, and others show no difference at all with NT people. So I was wondering if anyone else experiences anosmia/severe hyposmia. I have it and it doesn't stem from any known cause. Doctors have told me that it must be due to allergic rhinitis, but my rhinitis has been pretty much under control since adolescence, and my sense of smell never improved, so right now I'm just wondering: could reduced sense of smell be an uncommon sensory difference in autism? Can anyone else relate?",3 "I don't know much about ptsd but lately I've been wondering if it's possible I may have some form of it. I've had to deal with someone who was emotionally abusive in the past and have been exposed to hatred for being lgbt for years and I don't know if those things can cause ptsd but I do know both have had negative effects on me in the past. I'm trying to determine if something that I recently experienced could have been a trigger or if it was just a strong discomfort. Basically I overheard parts of a conversation of a family member on the phone and she was expressing some anger and some of the words she used just hurt. I ended up going to another room and putting in headphones at high volume to block her out. My chest was really tight and I was trying not to cry and I was really angry. It kept repeating in my head and bothering me for days to the point I couldn't even enjoy things I usually like. I eventually sent a message confronting her. She explained the context and I agreed with what she was angry about but even agreeing with the context didn't make me less angry about the words. I don't know if this is a trigger or something else, but I thought I'd ask. It's not the first time these words have caused that kind of reaction but I always attributed it to the context and the fact that they're usually mixed into offensive statements. I'm not sure if I should say what the words are in case they are upsetting to someone else too, but let's just say they often have religious connotations.",3 " While texting, using a full stop (.) in my text seems rude and gives a message that 'I don't wanna speak anymore', and giving 2+ exclamation marks (!!!) means that I've gone crazy. Most of the time I don't even end my sentences with punctuation unless it's rlly necessary! I often think my friends are bored and/or uninterested to talk whenever they use full stops, and I'm pretty sure they think I'm a weirdo for using too many exclamations Is anyone else like this?",0 "I'm having a lot of suicidal thoughts, I think my last friend might have killed themselves. I tried so hard I told them they could come stay with me. I was already extremely depressed and suicidal I truly don't know how to get through this. I am completely alone",2 "I'm constantly correcting my posture, my feet, my teeth, my mouth, my eyes because I can't stop thinking about how they're not perfectly parallel. I'm always conscious of how my gait is uneven while walking and how my teeth are misaligned. Whenever the thought occurs, my brain starts thinking that I might have undiagnosed MS or EDS and if I don't do something about it then I'll end up not being able to walk. Or in regards to my teeth, my brain thinks that if I don't correct and hold my teeth together then I'll end up with a really asymmetrical face. This cycles just keeps repeating and I'm always stuck in these inane mental cycles. Does anyone else have this?",1 "You're the poem of which I'm stuck at the refrain Just read the same page again in vain Freedom from you is all I demand For my strings are tied to your hands Like a monster over my head The abusive partner I regret Fragments of my mind rot like fallen apples from a tree You'd feast on what was left of me You engulf the ashes of the fires of you burn in my veins Yet you're the one who rises like a phoenix from my brains I bet you've never seen a woman so symmetrically cut and bruised The immaculate design I wish to lose",1 "Woke up an hour ago after a 12 hour binge sleep. Now it's almost 8 AM here, gonna take another nap cus I'm too tired. Hopefully, I won't wake up anymore.",2 Had a bad episode and a strong flashback. Now my whole body hurts. My skin burns under the surface.,3 "Welp, I'm still looking for a therapist to help me and still not successful but I've been actually been good with regards on not giving my thoughts any reaction but then i get a sudden sense of despair and think ""what if you're just trying to hide this"" or ""you are a bad person"" and i get anxious and wanting to cry but then i regain a bit of my composure and I'm fine like nothing's wrong I'd say i have pretty good memory but it's just my thoughts/rumination make me think whether i did something disturbing and weird and my mind gives in. I know that's feeding into the ocd but it's honestly so freaking hard and i try not to panic so much And with this whole memory thing it's honestly made me loose confidence in my actual memory so I'm even more upset 😭😭",1 "I have Elvanse (Vyvanse) 30mg rising to 50mg in a week. I've been told to take then at roughly the same time every day. I tend to be later to bed two nights a week & sleep later the following mornings. Should I just take my meds when I wake up, or does it have to be the same time every day regardless? Is a different time worse than not enough sleep? Do you take your meds at the same time every day, or adjust depending on sleep/things you need to get up for?",0 "I had a final interview today with a company that I was thrilled about but I am sure that I bombed the itnerview. I've been stressed out because funds are tight. I've been out of work for a few months. Financial assistance has been running thin and I feel like I am falling apart overall. I haven't been able to maintain anyone's interest in a relationship irregardless of how my finances/career status has been. I don't feel wanted or desired. I know that I am competitent in my field of work, I happen to struggle with some interviews. Every job I've landed I've succeeded in and exceeded expectations. Right now I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've noticed that I've been sleeping a lot more than I normally would. Doesn't matter if I have coffee or slept 8+ hours the night before or not. My eating schedule has been fairly normal. I just want everything to pause for a bit. The things that I've been looking forward to, an event or whatever has been constantly cancelled unexpectedly and has been beyond my control. I am beyond the point of feeling sorry for myself. I am not one to feel that way anyhow. I've been w firm believer that if you're unhappy with a situation, get off of your ass and do something about it. Well, I've been putting effort into improving my life but it's been washed away. I feel like an ant being washed away, spinning down the drain.",2 "I don't know how to stop it. I have no energy to fight it. Haven't eaten, barely slept. I know I'm beating myself up, but I'm just lost. My thoughts are a mess. I miss you. I wish I wasn't me right now.",2 "For example, If I came down my apartment from an elevator and not the stairs and suddenly someone asked did you come down the stairs? I would be confused and panic, not being able to remember the fact that I came down the elevator. I used to cope by telling myself- if I don't remember I probably didn't do it, but that's very unreliable as a pwADHD lol.",0 "TLCR; Things that I know I like and genuinely want to do are locked behind a ""I don't wanna"" door and I haven't got a key. Looking for advice on convincing myself to do things that I know I will find meaningful. I feel like sometimes my brain forgets the things I like to do. For example, I know that I love drawing. I bought myself a very expensive (for me at the time) graphic tablet. I really enjoy using it and I often times have ideas for things that I actually WANT to draw! But for some reason I can't. I don't know if it's the idea of going upstairs to get my tablet and setting it up to use or the daunting task of taking in a project that's several hours long that stops me. I know that I have fun using it and that I love the feeling of completing an illustration. So why can't I just do it? It's so frustrating to not be able to do the things I like. My head is full of ideas and thoughts that I'm just unable to follow through on. There's nothing physically stopping me from doing what I want but it almost feels like I'm having to convince a second person that it's something interesting with a worthwhile outcome. In the end, I can deal with it at home. Usually I end up doing something pointless with no real reward. It feels like I just waste time with whatever random things I end up doing (scrolling usually). But if I enjoy myself while doing it, I suppose I don't mind too much. The biggest problem is at my new job. I've wanted this job since I was 16 (24 atm) and spent 6 years in higher education to become qualified to do it. I find the subject matter interesting and the outcome rewarding. But things that I WANT to do as part of the job role are overshadowed by having to convince myself to do them. As a result, things take me much longer than they should because I spend so much time corralling my thoughts and having to force myself to focus on the task at hand. By the end of the day I am mentally exhausted. Is this an ADHD thing or is this just my own brain being dumb? I'd love to know if there's any strategies that people use to get around that ""I don't wanna"" wall. The things I find really meaningful and important just feel unobtainable sometimes and the only one standing in my way is myself. How did you guys get over this? Any advice would be appreciated.",0 "My husband got a tentative job but we have to move for it. I am scared AF because i have a hard time keeping a clean house, making decisions about what to do with the stuff we already have, and the anxiety of thinking that there is always someone looking at you to make sure things are neat and clean. Do you have any tips on organizing/cleaning when you have to move?",0 "People don’t understand that if you have intrusive thoughts about hurting someone, you’re not actually going to, and often you know it’s irrational. People don’t understand that ocd is different from perfectionism. People don’t understand that you can’t just stop. People don’t understand that it’s so hurtful to people who suffer with ocd if they say they’re ‘so ocd’. People don’t understand that the thoughts aren’t always triggered by something and can come into your head at any second. People without ocd don’t understand one fucking thing about the disorder and they need to. It’s not right for them to keep acting like it’s a little quirk that sufferers can stop if they want to. They need to understand that it’s horribly debilitating, upsetting and unfair. Sorry, I needed a rant.",1 "I am scared cause it’s something new for me. But I feel that I need to do this because health anxiety made me waste one year of my life. My therapist thinks I suffer from OCD because I am obsessed with constantly touching my body looking for lymph nodes or lumps. I have lots of bad intrusive thoughts. I got to the point where I feel no more happiness. I have no symptoms yet my mind is convinced I am dying. I hope everything will be ok even though I don’t know what to expect and I am also scared of taking pills.",1 "Hi all, as title says I'm wondering how hard it is to be prescribed medication in Ireland. I've been struggling for years now and I know I have ADHD just been procrastinating about seeking help (as one with ADHD does). Specifically id like to know about the process (what you did to get help, what avenues etc), how long it took and what kind of meds are available (if any because Ireland is notoriously backwards with these things). If anyone has any experience at all I'd really appreciate their 2 cents thanks in advance and hope you're all well!",0 "I have OCD over my teeth, I brushed them after I had some acid reflux in your sleep and apparently my you can sheen away a small layer of your tooth enamel. Which is exactly what I think happened because I constantly look at my teeth and I feel I notice a difference. I was just starting to feel better also, and this cratered me down to wanting to Jill myself again.",1 Does anyone else just get to a point in therapy where you just feel like “this is it”? Sometimes I feel like there is nothing I can do to move past what happened to me. I made progress in therapy 4 years ago and then made some last year- but I am still so affected that I don’t think I’ll ever totally move forward. It can be so exhausting to explain it to people in my life and I find myself that isolating and just dealing with things on my own is the best way for me to cope.,3 "I always hated talking and having long conversation with my friends, it wasn’t because I hated my friends or anything it just wasn’t my thing like attention and all that stuff, now ever sense I moved 2 years ago I’ve just been craving attention and ever sense my EX left me I just been 2 YEARS LIKE WTF, yea anyways I hate her guts soooo IDK WHATS F***** WRONG WITH ME anyways have a good day and don’t trip?",0 "A often overlooked trait of OCD is intrusive thoughts. Generally they're highly disturbing and distressing. Usually sadistic, violent and highly off putting. This can range from constants thoughts of getting stuck with your phobias or worst fears to imagining a slaughter where you are the perpetrator. And you have absolutely no control. And autism makes it difficult for me to connect to people. I just can't 'feel' with them. I'll still help and try my best to make them happier and I do feel like shit but it's impossible for me to show it so I often come off as a cold careless person. I've mad wit worse by intentionally staying cold and disconnected from people after a series of screw ups that probably landed me on some kind of watch list. Can't fuck up if you don't get the chance to. I had me convinced I was a horrific psychopath. Maybe I am a horrible person and this post is just a cry for attention. I hope it isn't, but a part of me is constantly screaming this as I write this post.",3 "Which kind of games are a no-no and which ones are ok? Social deduction games like Among Us? Intense and noisy games like Left 4 Dead 2? Somewhat intense cooperative games like Overcooked? Party games like Pummel Party? Open-ended games with crafting and exploration like Minecraft, Don't Starve Together or Valheim? If you have any game to suggest I'd be very appreciative!",3 "I’m 24. And I feel old. I think it’s because I’ve white-knuckled it for so damned long. I only processed some of it in the last six months. I’ve lived three lifetimes in such a short amount of time. I’ve been through more but also lived so much more than some people twice my age and certainly more than a lot of 20-somethings. What is also contributing is that because of college and the trauma that happened there, the last few years have been a blur... like how am I already 24? I know mentally that I’m not old. But I feel like it, and it’s depressing me.",3 "I’m so tired of having bad memory, it makes me feel so stupid. I’ve been watching the Star Wars movies with my boyfriend for the last week and I can’t remember hardly anything. I get the basic plots but names and details are always lost on me. I have to ask questions the whole time and it’s genuinely creeping out my boyfriend. He doesn’t understand how I can forget a detail from 20 minutes ago. I’m just sad. I use to have great memory and now I can’t even enjoy entertainment. I just feel like a shell.",3 "About ten years ago, I had a pediatrician perform malpractice over several months. My PTSD formed from this instance now makes it impossible and debilitating to even think about or discuss anything that breaks the skin. I mean anything. I'll be going to a new doctor soon and I was wondering ways I could try to get them to amend anything I may need to alternative methods of testing first, since I don't have the support to be sedated every time, nor the money to remain sedated ahead of time to avoid flashbacks. Any help is appreciated, since I haven't gone a few hours without flashbacks and breakdowns.",3 "This group of around 8-10 boys in the neighborhood are running up to my door and window, knocking loudly, then sprinting away and hiding. They've been doing it since 7am and it's been going on for almost 12 hours on and off. Over the ten years I've been living here there has been so much vandalism and violence in this neighborhood. I'm afraid they'll break in or vandalize my car like people have done in the past. I have cPTSD due to severe childhood abuse, and one of those things was neighborhood boys doing this (starting when I was 6) breaking in trying to scare me, and hurting me, usually in a sexual way. I know I'm an adult now but I feel scared and powerless. My partner tells me to ignore it and I know that is good advice but it makes me feel more powerless. Ugh. I want to chase them down and yell at them. I don't want to hide like I used to.",3 I have midterms this week and that means my mother is harassing me about my grades and that I’m stressed and I feel like everything is falling apart I’ve barely managed to pass my tests so far I hate this.,2 "Good morning all. I am new to The Reddit. I'm a very middle-aged Combat Veteran and Police Officer with CPTSD. I am somewhat (?) of a germophobe and hate when people touch my stuff, ie my desk, backpack, pens, etc. As Corona has started to spread (not trying to be political, just my thoughts) I naturally wore a mask. I don't ask or force people to wear masks around me, I don't get upset if they don't, but I wear mine most of the time out of my house. My wife thinks COVID is no big deal, which is whatever. Anyway, when talking to my wife, I told her that I know part of it has to do with my anxiety over germs, but part of my anxiety is from reading different articles from people on both sides and taking away what I can from that reading and my wife just blows it all off as anxiety. I have noticed that more and more from her. If she thinks I am doing something overblow, its always from my anxiety, there is no possibility that I can be legitimately concerned. Has anyone else ever had this issue with a loved one/friend?",3 "I am trying to get diagnosed for ADHD and my psich said that I need to do 2 cognitive tests: one without taking any medication (like ritalin) and the second one 3 days after while on medication in order to determine if the medication helps. It sounds like such a wierd thing to do since they don't really do that with any other kind of medication. Also I am not really sure that cognitive tests are the best way to measure if the medication is working ... Did anyone else had to do the same thing?",0 I haven't really talked about my love of horror. Some people just have odd obsessions. Mine has always been horror. I have a ever growing collection. One of my prized posessions I actually found on my last community hab before covid. Went to what is now one of my favorite stores if not my favorite and they had the 1980's classic Happy Birthday To Me. I had to buy it. The 1980's are also my favorite era of horror. With modern horror I'm more into independant horror because those movies tend to be very well done. My favorite non horror movie has horror elements. Gotta be Edward Scissorhands. I've seen it over 1000 times and can still watch it often.,3 "Tomorrow marks the 5th year anniversary of my best bud dying next to me. We were deployed together and shared some tough times. We were working a night op when we started getting shot at from all directions. I looked over right as he dropped from a bullet to the head. Please check on your vets. We’re pretty good at hiding things. Miss you Bucky.",3 "i’m supposed to be getting concert tickets for a band i like tomorrow yet i’m so sad and don’t feel an ounce of happiness. i want to go, but i don’t feel it inside. i want to go but the negative feelings outweigh the big positive. feels like i’ve reached a new low. i used to jump around and cry about it. now i just want to sleep.",2 "Hey all, I (14) have recently been dealing with pedophile OCD. I noticed a groinal response to a video of a man creepily slapping his very young daughters butt, and since then have gone down the rabbit hole. I remember things like being a kid and watching videos of mature looking younger kids, and the obvious demographic was creepy adults, but i was around the age of the kids in the videos. I start questioning the way i look at kids and how i act around them, but i’ve realized a lot of things. as a teenage boy, ANYTHING with sexual implications may not turn you on, but it will trigger some form of groinal response. and also, while the main demographic for those videos was creepy adults, not only was i around the age of the kids, but they had features of adults. i hope this helps anyone going through something similar",1 "Maybe some can relate, but I have come to accept that by nature and nurture, from a history of neglect and abuse as a child, the normality of how this augments itself in the present… often presenting as an emotional response which is sudden and unexpected, and can take everyone by surprise, especially if in the present time you’re being rejected by others as an adult when you know/feel you shouldn’t be I take time to myself to talk through sensitive subjects, and I’m learning to say those subjects out loud followed by the words “but that’s ok…” Those 3 words, in it’s literal form, ostensibly minimises the events of the past, it couldn’t be farther from the truth… because it isn’t ok what happened to you (us), in all fairness we should be saying “it isn’t ok” but this isn’t a helpful thinking pattern… but by being able to say that it is ok, you’re in fact saying “it is how it is”, you’re normalising negative events in a neutral way, because it’s normal for us, and by being able to say “and that’s ok” we allows ourselves room to breath and hopefully a more measured way in becoming comfortable with all those bad things… Because whether good/bad, to us they’re all normal, and to support ourselves we need to put the past into context with the present and be ok with our reactions, because for us it’s normal… and that’s ok :)",3 "TLDR: Can OCD make you question and fear all of your choices? Hi everyone. I (22F) was just officially diagnosed with OCD over the summer. I have had Generalized Anxiety Disorder for a few years now, but after experiencing more intrusive thoughts and obsessions I became to fit the OCD criteria and, well, here we are. I am currently undergoing my graduate program in college and recently I have been having repeated and distressing thoughts regarding my program choice. When I am in a non-anxious state I feel sound about my decision and I don’t hate what I’m learning (essentially I don’t display any “I hate my major” signs), but lately I have been experiencing these repeated thoughts where I’m almost convincing myself that this isn’t what I want to do. This has been a new and frightening experience for me so I’m curious to learn — Can OCD make you question and fear all of your choices? And if so, what is a good way to deal with this? I understand that this may not be seen as a big deal to many people, but it has been to me. And it’s very different from my usual OCD experiences so I am curious to learn more and hear from others. Thanks!",1 "Hi there, recently I’ve been looking into whether I have OCD or some other condition, I was wondering if this is a symptom? Every day, if I touch something a certain way say to pick the object up for example I HAVE to touch it again but differently (anyone who does this will know what I meant) for anyone who doesn’t this is the best way I can describe it. I pick up my vape with my finger a certain way, I put it down and almost instinctively do the same but holding it differently. If I try to fight the urge i find myself completely out of focus on anything until I do it, it’s so weird. I’ve been doing this for a while now and just thought I was being weird but it seems to me like a symptom of something, researching this points me towards OCD especially since I experience other symptoms. (Unable to drink out of cups unless they are 100% clean, having strange intrusive thoughts and repeatedly checking locks etc). I don’t know for sure if this is OCD so I would love if anyone else has experienced this.",1 "As of right now, I don’t have the urge to kill myself, but I do still have this lingering hate towards myself. I find myself annoying, clumsy, and I make the stupidest and most careless decisions without taking other people into account. But for some reason, people still care about me. They still love me. I don’t know if I’ll ever see what they see. What about me could possibly make people love me the way that they do? I appreciate it a lot. But I’ll never understand. I’m not special. I ain’t that great, to be honest. I just work, come home and sleep. I don’t really have a social life or anything. But I know I have to stay. I’ll keep making mistakes in life and beat myself up over and over, but taking my life isn’t an option now in my mind. I can’t. It’ll break everybody’s heart. And I’d rather break just my heart a thousand times over and get over it the next day, than to break a million people’s hearts and have it linger throughout their lifetimes.",2 "I can’t find joy in my life. No movie, book, music or whatever entertain me. I just feel sad and empty all I do is clean and worry about cleaning. I can’t even finish my assignments for college. I am kind of desperate rn",1 "Hello, I have been severely struggling over the past week when I made the mistake of falling asleep with an open window. I awoke with a stiff neck/muscle tension, and my mind immediately jumped to 'oh no, a bat must have come in and bit me in my sleep without my knowing.' This sent me into a spiral of research and intrusive thoughts that the bat not only bit me, but he escaped out the window without alarming me. I know logically this seems unlikely. I know that rabies in bats appears in less than 1% of them. Exacerbating my concern, I found that within the past month, two bats with rabies have been found in my county. This sent me spiraling and I ended up going to the Emergency Room, pleading for PEP treatment. I was of course denied this, because I could show no evidence of a bat bite, and I didn't actually see a bat come into my room through the window. I don't know what to do. I am having trouble focusing. I don't have an appetite and I feel hopeless that I'll be able to feel better.",1 "As the title says it’s that time of the year where my ptsd acts up real bad. All of my trauma‘s happened coincidentally between the end of November-January. During the rest of the year my ptsd is there but it’s pretty manageable through therapy and medication I guess the good and bad part is that I was doing so good this year I completely forgot about how bad this time of year is I woke up to a terrible panic attack on Friday which is rare and ever since then I’ve been having vivid nightmares about my trauma. I blew it off as maybe I’m just stressed until yesterday I’ve had a few people traumatize me, but one guy in particular was the worst and I work as a medical assistant and that guy had a very common name so whenever I see that name is bothers me a bit but I get through it. However, yesterday I had a patient the same name and around the same age as that guy that I had to call and I completely froze. What if it was him? I know he moved states and has a completely different last name but what if ya know? I did call him and say his name even though I was literally shaking and then I had a patient come in with his name but way different age so it wasn’t as bad, but I still froze when I saw his name on the schedule Why and how does my body know every year to act this way. Usually I anticipate it and blame my extra anxiety on that but I didn’t anticipate this year and still. The vivid nightmares are back again I don’t wanna sleep I don’t wanna eat and I don’t wanna go to work having to see his name I don’t know if anyone has any advice to get through this. I know it’ll get better after January but fuck it’s been 4 days and I already can’t take it",3 I am not encouraged to cry. I wasn't encouraged unconditionally so I have PTSD. From being discouraged from crying. All you have to do is cry .... All I have to do is that. I was told to shut up. That's the abuse. That's the wound. I am not able to help myself. I was drowning.,3 "I hadn't used my laptop in a long time and couple weeks ago I finally fixed the charger and was able to get it back up and running. That was a blessing and I am thankful for it- it made me appreciate having one and being able to use all the capabilities it provides. It also made me realize I have way too many files with very little organization(10 years worth of digital pictures, journals, homeworks, music, movies, memories and more). So I started organizing. And somehow I find myself organizing my journaling writings and got to a bunch of journaling I did in the summer I got PTSD. In the fall following it, it was all burning bright in my mind, clearer than anything I had known, and I needed to put it in writing. I didn't even know what PTSD was, just that the summer events were burning bright and crisp in my mind while the present was fading in comparison. So I wrote and wrote. It's a bit file. Maybe more than 30000 words. It's important part of history and I don't want to delete it, but I shouldn't have read it. Even with all the confusion when I wrote it, it still makes me sync into that memory, that feeling of going through something that trumps everything I know. That feeling of never feeling safe or at home, and knowing I have to prepare for survival, I have to do, I have to change, at that day, that moment, or else I won't make it. Somehow the way I've written it makes me feel exactly how I did then; small. Like everything in the present shrinks in comparison. Like I can't think about anything else, I can't move, I can't breathe and my mind is racing. Like my head is filled with cotton and I can't string a thought together that would make sense, and anything I need to do can and must wait. Like I'm headed for some sort of battle but I'm not ready and I must do something, anything, to get closer to my goals, or else I won't be safe. My head is a mess right now. I know it's my fault, but I still can't control it.",3 "Not sure how how 'autistic' this is, but here's mine: the day i was eating peanuts and realized they tasted like peanut butter and had to let my parents know. ""BUT DID YOU KNOW?!"" the gummy bear and jelly bean names also confused me.",3 "My sweet and lovely boyfriend has ADHD. Actually, this sub helped identify the diagnosis. He is an amazing cook and loves to make food for me, but if he's home alone, he won't make anything for himself :( So he ends up not eating or he will get some kind of junk food delivery. We're trying to be healthier though, so here is what I keep in the fridge that I know he will munch on. Thought some of you guys might find it helpful. **Fruit/veg you don't have to do anything to:** * Bananas, pears, apples, plums, nectarines, PREPARED mango/melon/pineapple, raspberries, blueberries, grapes, baby tomatoes (for some reason, avocado also makes this list) **Ready to eat meats and cheese:** * tins of tuna, pate, ham, salami, smoked mackerel, feta, mozzarella pearls, smoked salmon, pre-sliced cheese (e.g. emmenthal) **Pre-made stuff from deli section:** * Houmous, tubs of roast vegetables, olives, jars of artichokes or sundried tomatoes, tubs of salad things that he likes *(n.b. do not get things you think you should like but actually don't)* **Snackable nuts:** * Almonds, walnuts, cashews, mixed nuts, pistachios in their shells especially He makes me laugh because he will literally eat 4 pears in a row, a tin of tuna and a ball of mozzarella and be like, great, lunch done! Hope that helps :)",0 "I honestly believe I have ptsd but I’m to afraid to ask my doctors or therapists about it because I’m still in the situation The situation is that I’m being abused by my family and even though I’m 21 I can’t afford to leave them I’ve noticed that whenever I’m spoken to in a stern voice I almost burst into tears regardless of whether I’m in trouble or not and it’s happening while I’m at work I’ve had countless nightmares about the abuse I freak out if I’m yelled at and if I’m ever even near an angry man I have to resist the urge to run and hide Is this ptsd? Or at least some version of it?",3 "Throughout my childhood I would wake up early one day and get a wild hair up my ass to just move everything around. Furniture, posters, lighting. I'll keep the room clean for about a month or so and then I just can't keep it clean anymore. Does anyone else have this issue. I think I'm about do to pull everything out and out everything back.",0 "I recently returned home from college to visit family and left my prescription Vyvanse there, where it was thrown out mistakenly. My psychiatrist has just informed me that he cannot refill my prescription because it’s a controlled substance. With finals approaching fast, I cannot be off my medication for almost two weeks. It’s already been three days and I have the worst headache, brain zaps, fatigue, and nausea, which kept me from going to class today. What should I do? Does anyone know of any remedies that mimic ADHD medication that I can use to hold myself over? I’ll take any advice I can get. Thanks in advance.",0 "I was in a car accident. My head went through the windshield a quarter way at 35 miles an hr.This past January made 3 years. The year before this third, I was beatin by my sister in a hotel room repeadily smashed my head against a wall floor ect. I know it doesnt seem that big in comparison to other stories, but I am suffering so much every day. I cant explain the kinds of rushes that come over me the anger the happy the sad the anxt. I'm afraid of building relationships with anyone because of this situation. I have nightmares that are just absolutely unreal. I cant seem to grip much and its bothering me. I decided to go to college and I feel like I'm reliving the same thing over again as though I lived this life, died and I'm doing it again. Nothing feels completely touchable. I'm scared because I found a great guy and I have started to have memories of him as though he has been in my life before. Their terrible truths about who he could be, possibly potential secrets he is hiding. Am I losing my shit , or are these things normal? I know I need help, I just dont want to be put in a loony bin because of it. I sleep with my gun. She is my healthy relationship.I feel secure knowing she shoots and can kill. I cant ever see my sister again. I cant be around people to much it feels so overwhelming and taxing on my whole day. I want to be free.",3 "At first, my OCD was just images and stuff. Now it's actually thoughts, idek what to do. It's actual thoughts and I don't feel the same emotional repulsion against it that I did in the past. My OCD is the fear of having a cuckold fetish, I don't think id o have one, it started when a friend said I have a cuckold fantasy as a joke and now I can't get it out of it my head, but it's transforming into something worse or going away but I can't even tell. It feels like If I ever get cucked I’d just stand there and watch, the emotional reaction against it isn’t there. I feel that the thoughts are less frequent but stronger. Like their telling “wouldn’t you enjoy it” I wouldn’t enjoy it, but I can’t stop them. I feel that I might even want it, but I don’t want it, never had. I’ve masturbated to the idea or theme of me being a bull in response to the cuckold OCD, but I don’t know if that’s helping or not. I went back to porn yesterday and the day before. I’ll try to refrain the best I can now, but I don’t know, I think I should try nofap.",1 "Even video games. I’m shit as sports, school, and a everything else. This isn’t an exaggeration, I am not good at anything. Everyone always puts me down despite me helping them etc. I just fucking can’t do this anymore.",2 "When I take Adderall XR or IR it only works for about 2 hours and that's it. Is this normal for everyone? I was wanting to see if maybe another medication could last longer. Do you guys know of one that might help with this issue? I think Adderall needs to be taken every 6 hours and I don't want to take it so far apart If it only helps for 2 of those hours. Any response would be appreciated. Thanks!",0 "I know that if I died no one would truly be sad. In some ways, it feels sort of freeing. In others, it feels horrible. Knowing that those that proclaim to love you don’t and never truly did is hard to grapple with. Realizing just how far the depths of human selfishness and greed go is incredibly disheartening. Do I feel better about choosing to put myself first and be happy? Yes, but at the cost of knowing that at the end of the day no one else is going to care about me except me. I wish things were different. I wish my trust isn’t broken and that I could be happy with others, but I don’t want to hurt anymore.",2 "I am 22 (male), I had to financially support my family since I was **12** because of my fathers debts, my mother has been emotionally abusing me my whole life (she is a teacher...), I have no friends, I don't meet ANY people and can't do anything I like (or anything I „don't hate"") just because my mother thinks I should study ALL THE TIME. I should have been „put"" into mental hospital years ago, but instead my mother insists that I have to keep studying law at the „best""/hardest university in my country. I actually dropped out of there 2 times already and I am about to drop out for the 3rd time. In my entrance exams I was easily 98th percentile (top 2 % of all applicants), but I can't focus on reading ANYTHING. Even when I buy a book that „interests"" me, I still can't focus on reading a single page of it. My brain just zones out and my depression „kicks in"". I can't read a single sentence of something that doesn't „interest me at the moment"". My mental situation is so bad that I can't even go to the university courses anymore. Mainly because of my social anxiety. Even when I go to the university building, I just „hide"" at the toilet because even the idea of entering the room full of other people makes me feel sick. I studied 3 universities at once for a few months (programming, law, economics) just because I am not interested in anything and I hoped that I would atleast „not hate"" one of those topics. But I simply hate all of them. I need to do totally different thing like every minute (or every few seconds), how could I possibly study the same subject for YEARS? I am afraid I won't even be able to go to work when I stop studying because of all my mental illnesses. I would just lie in bed depressed all day until I finally die (as I do it already). I used to like computer games, but nowadays I don't enjoy even that. When I am rarely in the mood that playing a game would help me/have a „therapeutic effect"" for a moment, then my mom tells me „Are you really playing games like a little child?"" The only thing that helps me is music, but I usually have to change the song like every 10 seconds to „keep my brain entertained"", otherwise it becames depressed instantly. I also need very fast (high BPM) music. I am so desperate that I am writing Reddit post even though I know that there is a high possibility that nobody is going to read it/help me. I don't even know if there is any help form me. I doubt it. I am having panic attack right now. I almost can't breathe. Thinking about my situation makes it even worse... I can't even go to a psychiatrist/psychologist because of my social anxiety. I can't even contact anyone. I am afraid to even open my e-mail. It seems to me that because of my mental state/depression I can't remember anything. It just feels like most of my brain simply disappeared during all those years of trauma.... I wanted to kill myself since I can remember. I don't even remember „not feeling depressed"". I don't remember almost everything from my childhood. I didn't kill myself (yet) just because it would cost a lot of money to arrange a funeral (and my family doesn't have any)... Is there any help? Any hope? My mother thinks I am just a „good boy"" (introverted) who is too lazy to study. She basically doesn't believe in psychology. When she sees my „symptoms"" she just says phrases like „you are sad because of the weather"", „you have to get more sunlight to have more energy"", „everyone has depressions sometimes"" (LOL), etc...",3 "And them get offended that I shout at them (or sometimes grab them without thinking) like they didn’t just knowingly trigger me. Makes my blood boil",3 "So for a bit of context im a teen with OCD. I’ve had this crippling obsession with developing schizophrenia, around the time this obsession started, i was on clomipramine. I had little to no compulsions but i was deteriorating from the obsession, me developing this illness seemed nothing imminent. So my doctor and I decided let’s give lexapro a shot. We did and it has helped my anxiety, it hasn’t really helped then obsession, only the anxiety that comes from the obsession. However a few weeks in I started to notice my compulsions were out of fucking control. I’m going to switch to luvox and i really hope this can help me. I’m losing hope as i feel like the schizophrenia obsession and these compulsions are destroying me.",1 If I was taught about sex at a age of like 5-6. would I have know what would happen to me at 8 years old. would I have been able to prevent it.,3 As I’m laying here on the sofa thinking about my whole shit life not physically but my life mentally was a shit show and now I want it back because it’s the only way I feel normal I feel so broken minded like I feel like a lonely sack of shit and I don’t know what to do with life,2 "I'm father of a one year old boy, but can nor spend more than three hours with him without getting close to a meltdown. How do you resolve this issue?",3 "Hey everyone, So the thing is from past few months I've been constantly getting suicidal thoughts nearly everyday. Earlier I use to be sad but never had suicidal thoughts. The problem is I never had friends and I'm all alone and have no one to share things. No girls are interested in me so getting a girlfriend was never an option. People call or text me when they want something but they never invite me. I want to cry but I don't why I can't cry. I stopped eating from few days and I completely lost my appetite. I use to love programming but now I lost interest in it. I just hope someday I die while sleeping. What you guys think I'm depressed or just sad ??",2 Have you still failed to find inner peace in this world?,2 "I (23M) have had this problem for a long time, where I'll delete socials on a whim. It doesn't seem to affect socials I've used for a long time (Facebook and Snapchat have yet to have been given the axe,) but I've recently deleted Instagram, Twitter, Reddit, and OF. I have plans for each of these but when it comes down to it, I micromanage and end up burning myself out on setting them up. This compulsion doesn't just focus on social media either. I've deleted plenty of game saves because something just doesn't feel right and it's burned me out on attempting to play games I'm normally interested in. Does anyone else have this problem?",1 "Hello, and thanks for reading. I've had insane, incredible vivid dreams for years, diagnosed with PTSD about two years ago, then read a few studies and articles about vivid dreaming connected to PTSD. I am doing better now than I ever have before -- I don't think about killing myself nearly as much anymore, and even when I do now it is only a passing thought. I stopped drinking completely and am now comfortable in my sobriety (at least for now), which I am so happy about. Things are okay for me right now. And I am maybe happy? Not sure what that feels like. The one thing in my way is the constant vivid dreaming. I can't take it anymore. It's every night. I don't want to go to sleep anymore because I'm afraid of them. I wake up sometimes hyperventilating because it feels so real, I am exhausted all the time from the intensity of the dreaming, even when they aren't nightmares. I wake up so out of touch and it takes a moment to distinguish real from dream when I wake up. I was wondering if anyone experiences this too, and if anyone has any advice on what I can do to maybe sleep dreamlessly. Thank you",3 " Was just hanging out yesterday about to take a mid day nap, and was browsing YouTube for something to watch as I fall asleep. I was actually feeling pretty good ocd wise.  I guess because of the ocd help videos I’ve been watching on YouTube, it started recommending other mental health videos and there was one on schizophrenia.  When I saw it my brain was like  *\*wait for it\**  “What if your mental health gets so bad and you develop schizophrenia “ **Begin cycle**  I then started thinking about how the other day as I was falling asleep, right in that barely sleep/awake dreaming phase, I had jolted awake with the sound of a dog bark. Although I've learned today this is normal occurrence (stumbled randomly, wasnt seeking reassurance). I know this was just kind of a dream crossing boarders, but the ocd doesn’t accept that.  I know it’s ridiculous and have just told myself to accept it as an ocd though and that...who knows, I might develop schizo, I might not.  That didn’t help my sleep last night though. Fell asleep at like 12, woke up at 4 and my brain started spinning. Every time I would almost fall asleep, I would get jolted awake by an hypotonic jerk, or another sound from my barely dream state making it to my awake state.  this is so lame. My sleep was my refuge from this stupid illness, and now I can’t even have that D: I’ll just continue telling myself I might have it, I might not. That’s all I can really do. ",1 Edit: I want to say thank you to everyone who took the time to reply to me. This subreddit must be really caring.,3 "Hi! My son is 9 years old, and in the 3rd grade. He is currently taking Concerta, and just bumped up to 2mg of guanfacine this week. We had his IEP renewal today and well, it’s not an IEP meeting if you don’t leave crying.. He scored above average intelligence, above average on reading but basically failed the part of his evals where he shows he understands the concepts for math and reading. He scored under 18% in all concept understanding. His team mentions he is constantly rushing, like he just wants to get it over with and doesn’t care if the answer is right or wrong, or if he makes silly mistakes on the answers. When the teacher was allowed to (like if it wasn’t a standardized test), she would reroute him back and make him try again or refocus on the problem he got wrong. When he does one on one like this and she makes him try again, he shows 85% or higher understanding the concepts. So my question is, how do we slow him down? Currently, he has a balance chair, and they use pressure pushes on the desk to burn off some energy. He also does wall pushups (for fun! Not punishment) to help the desire to rush. I did push for testing to be done with and without a fidget before I sign off on one all the time, because I know it will become a toy and not helpful. Any advice is very helpful!",0 "Yep, that means exactly what it means. I'm sick of having thoughts of any kind. I'm tired of trying to reason with something I cant reason with. Im sick of worrying. I'm sick of trying to seek happiness. Everything. That happens when you have to put up a fight against your thoughts every day. When you constantly try to parry them. I've been suffering from existential OCD for 10 months now. It completely ruined my way of perceiving life. It even fucked up my sense of logic. Overwhelmed me with philosophical and existential thoughts to a point where I got emotionally numb, and I started feeling like an extraterrestrial trying to fit in with humans. I know it sounds vague but it's just so hard to put into words. I did everything I could to recover from it. I was willing to spend entire days on anything that could help. I just wanted to live like a normal person. THINK like a normal person. Like I did before 2021. I tried ERP, yoga and even Ayurvedic herbs despite of the fact that I don't think Ayurvedic treatments are too effective. I have to say, it has helped me a lot. I think it's mostly ERP probably. Even if some of it acted as a placebo, it did help. But the thoughts havent entirely gone. This entire process has affected my health in other ways and some of my other thoughts have slightly worsened. I get easily obsessed with some of my anxieties and I subconsciously keep thinking about them. And I'm so tired of this bullshit. Because not a day passes when I dont think about how all this has affected me. Sometimes I even doubt if these existential questions will ever stop popping up. Of course, I'm going to keep trying, but Im just so sick of being desperate. That's all I have to say.",1 "my therapist diagnosed me with ptsd due to being stalked by someone who was once my friend. it went on for several years and not once did I ever expect it to have this kind of effect on me. because we’re taught that ptsd was for people who went through traumatic stuff. like war, like assault, etc. not stalking. people don’t take stalking seriously and because of that I feel like I’m overdramatizing what happened to me. but here I am, having a breakdown because of a sudden schedule change at work. I cannot deal with any surprises because of ptsd. I don’t want to celebrate my birthday. I don’t like going places where that person MIGHT be, which is almost every place I go. I don’t want to leave the house. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t like posting on my social media because they’ve created fake accounts and try to interact with me. I get scared to check my email. when there’s a knock on the door I freeze. and when my schedule gets changed without my knowledge I become so enraged and terrified that I can’t stop shaking. at least I know why I react the way I do.",3 "> The term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) has been associated with veterans since 1980, but existed well before that under different names. Only recently, first responders have begun to open up about suffering from it, as well. Across the nation, firefighters are dealing with symptoms of PTSD, but the stigma still persists. > > PTSD also affects local firefighters, who are beginning to talk more about it, even if only in the confines of their respective stations. https://www.wvnews.com/westondemocrat/news/firefighters-open-up-about-ptsd/article_da9ca274-4578-50ed-a7e9-65cae3e36485.html",3 "I'm a timid person. I come off a little more confident online because obviously I don't have to show myself. Not that I try to bully anyone or anything. But I'm scared all the time. i hate people, i really hate people. they're mean-spirited, they'll step on you, they'll steal, cheat you. and you have to actually KNOW people to get anywhere. You can't just do everything on your own and not have to prove anything to anyone. Why does this world force you to be so fucking social all the time? I want to be left alone.",2 "I was on 27mg of concerta but felt next to no change (good or bad), I only knew it was starting to kick in because my mouth would start to get dry and I was more calm and relaxed. My doctor switched me to 36mg a few days ago and I can feel an increase in focus but not on the right things I’m mainly using the meds to help with school, but i still seem to be procrastinating. For the first few hours I get a mild sense of euphoria until about hour 6 or 7 where I start to dissociate, get jittery, slightly anxious, and sometimes get shivers. Sometimes eating helps with the symptoms but the dissociation seems to stay until the next morning. I have only been on this dose for 4 days now so is there some sort of an adjustment period where maybe these symptoms will subside? Are these normal symptoms when you start a new dose? I should also note that I tried vyvanse 20mg and 30mg (for one week each) when I first got diagnosed and had a similar reaction. I would get super euphoric and during this period i was motivated to do any task at hand but then I would reach a point where I would suddenly get extremely tired and would have panic attacks. The whole time I felt dissociated. I’m afraid that maybe my body just doesn’t react well to meds. Has anyone had similar experiences or have any advice?? I don’t see my doctor again for a couple more weeks and i’m in the middle of finals so I need to figure out what do so asap!! anything helps This is making me contemplate if I even have adhd or not…..can someone please help??",0 "I'm feeling really suicidal rn and I know I can get myself out if this like soooo many times before u just don't have the energy to. My parents hate me and we don't get along at all. I'm 24 rn and there's a high chance I'll have to stay dependent on them for atleast 2 more years. There's this fuckboi I just happen to like who wouldn't pay attention to me for reasons I don't understand and it's making me so sad because I very rarely like someone that much. And my brother's wedding is coming up but also a very important exam coming up which might basically help me not stay depended on my parents BUT I can't even study or help with the wedding preparations I'm so fucked. Exam is on 21st and wedding on 26th I have to even prepare a dance. Yes it's mandatory. I just want to kill myself tonight that's what my mother keeps screaming anyway (Tho she wouldn't want the wedding to be ruined and I don't either) Sorry for the rant Idk what to do I just feel exhausted.",2 I feel like my brain is nonstop chatter. obsession after obsession. It takes up 99% of my thinking everyday - when I’m not COMPLETELY distracted. I hate being alone with my thoughts. I just find myself wondering what it must be like to not think this way. What is it like to not be burdened by intrusive thoughts. How do these people just… sit alone with their thoughts… or just… how???? LOL i cant even imagine. Is it quiet?? Idk man,1 "Has anybody taken more than 2 SSRI's for OC that worked but eventually stopped, try a third that worked also. I was on Prozac that worked then stopped and then Luvox that worked and stopped and now on Zoloft to see if it will work.",1 "I really hate the fact that I waited for someone this entire year only for them to move on. Even though it took a while to happen it still hurts. I don’t know which would of been worse, them finding someone fast or waiting a long time and then they find someone. They for real left my ass leaving me miserable as hell while they’re probably happy right now.",2 "Why is it if i talk too much its a bad thing but if i talk small talk the conversation dies. Im horrible at picking the right questions or phrases to the point only i initiate anything ever. Why do i have to push so gosh darn hard. Update: Thx fam i smalll talked for over 40 mins with my dad grandpa and mother in law.",3 My landlord is having the condo I rent appraised but I have contamination OCD and it's been off the charts because of the pandemic. I've been pretty good since I've been on luvox but this has triggered me through the roof. I don't know what to do. I really don't know what to do.,1 "CW: Self Harm / Suicide Throw away because people know my other account. I'm thinking this will be my last Christmas. I'm done. It hurts, and I'm just tired. I'm tired of continuously trying. I'm tired of being sad, losing hope, and really the only thing getting me through is the thought that this could all be over in a few weeks. I love Christmas, so I'm going to enjoy it. I'll enjoy being with family one last time. Enjoy being with my pets and having some semblance of happiness. Then it'll be over, and I'll be free. It sounds... relieving, to be honest. I'm not reaching out for help. I'm not asking for people here to tell me not to do it. I've heard it time and time again. I'm just looking forward to my last Christmas.",2 "I was raped by a female family member when I was 5 and she was 12. I have only recently regained all these repressed memories and had a near complete breakdown. It has caused me trust issues that run so deep, the moment I meet someone I’m on guard and expect them to try and hurt me. I feel broken, like I’m too broken to ever have any kind of healthy relationship with another person let alone a partner. I feel like my PTSD is so exhausting to me that I’d never want to push it on another person and I can’t think of many reasons why someone would take the time to understand and listen. It’s too much and it hurts. I feel like any chance at normalcy in my life has been destroyed and I have no idea how to rebuild. It feels very lonely Edit: Thank you all for your stories and advice. I just wanted to clear that I am in and have been in therapy for a while and it has been beneficial. I know I have a lot of trust issues to work out and hearing and reading everyone sharing and helping one another is the best thing I could’ve asked for.",3 "always i tried to get help, always is a closed door for me, i never get real help, now i'm almost a disabled and i'm not capable to do nothing, absolutely nothing more bein like a parasite for my father and sister, i'm a neet, i can't even do the most simple jobs, my life is ruined, fucking ruined because i'm never get real help even begging for that",2 anyone else experience this? this happens even when i don't try to suppress it as well but it's more frequent when i try to. it's very disorienting.,3 "I'm 19, have had an apartment for just about a year now. Working full time making just above minimum wage. Have a girlfriend but all we do is hang out in my apartment and watch TV. I come home everyday listen to podcasts and drink. Usually I sit and think about how I could better myself and try and find hobbies to occupy me and bring me happiness. But day after day I do the same thing, telling myself I can do it and then merely giving up after one thing goes wrong. My anxiety and depression is getting worse I can barely look people in the eye anymore and have random mental breakdowns at home. All I want is some reason to continue living. I grew up being bullied a bit and not having much parental guidance which led me to be a almost 20 year old man who can't do basically anything.",2 Without giving you my whole life story let me just say that life has not been kind to me. Not that I expect it to be. I know everyone goes through things. The only actual illness I've been diagnosed with is ptsd from a nasty car wreck I was a passanger in. I was terrified of driving before that happened but I now get to use that as an excuse. Just thinking about driving a car makes me sick to me stomach. I get paranoid going for walks because I've been beaten by the police in the past and I dont want to do anything to attract their attention. I'm worried that someone might call and report me to CPS if they see me walking on the sidewalk with my son in a stroller even if he's bundled up. I feel like people are so quick to report people for the stupidest things. I just feel like the world is such a scary place. Please help.,3 "Has anyone here had a compulsion that is physically impossible or damaging to actually perform? Like the urge to touch hot stoves etc? I've been having a compulsion during the past few days to throw up everything I eat. This is clearly very dangerous to my health to actually perform, and I've been trying to resist it, but it causes me immense stress. Especially when I have to swallow my medicine and I just *want them back out* but obviously I can't. So far in my life I usually just give in to my urges because they don't cause much hassle (touch this wall 11 times etc) but in this case I can't, and I'm at a loss. It's very distressing. Has anyone here dealt with similar stuff?",1 "I've been out of school or school-type situations since graduating uni in 2016, and I feel like my brain has turned to ADHD mush in the past few years. I read constantly, books and articles and dumb internet shit, but it's not the same sort of stimulation as a classroom setting, bouncing thoughts and ideas off other students and learning new stuff from a teacher. The whole classroom situation of lots of voices/perspectives/ideas from lots of people etc really helped me learn in uni because it felt like such varied stimulation all the time. I feel like my brain struggles more to comprehend complicated writing or deeper concepts because I'm not flexing those mental muscles in ways that my ADHD enjoys, so instead it just drifts in the distractable mush instead of focusing on cool new info. How do y'all find adequate mental stimulation once you're no longer in school?",0 "(18m) I've been on adderall for a few years now and about a year and a half ago my hair started to thin. My hairloss looks like regular mpb with the thinning crown and receding hairline but there seems to be an unusual amount of thinness on the top of my head and even where the hair is supposed to be no thinning. No one in my family has a history of early balding, and I tried to tell my mom to bring me to get my blood tested but she procrastinates.",0 used to cut myself as a compulsion is this common? In a like “cut yourself or something bad will happen” kind of way.,1 "Often I find myself explaining what I meant because I have cut some corners in the story, or forgot to tell some important details. Yet when I ask the people that keep asking me these questions to explain what they meant, whether there was a double meaning or even just whether it was literally or figuratively. They act all dumb, refuse to explain and start asking me questions about why I think that. Is that normal, or should I just cut those people out of my life? Edit: there are two kind of people, thos described as above and those that I feel ask questions to understand me and genuinely answers mine when I ask them, without making me feel dumb.",3 "Pretty much as the title states, when I fail a compulsion (for me it’s magical thinking, like I failed because I’m taking a sixth step when the clock changes or something) I get a stab of anxiety which often lingers and gives me a feeling that whatever else I was doing is now “tainted” somehow. For those with similar issues, how do you cope with this? What do you tell yourself, or what action do you take? I know these feelings are all on my head, but it can be overwhelming at times, especially if my brain is trying to tell me something bad is going to happen as a result.",1 "Hi everyone, I hope the holiday season is treating you well. I will be starting Zoloft very soon (I picked it up today, but not sure when to actually start for a few unrelated reasons I won't get into now) and I wanted to ask what the side effects were like for those of you who have used Zoloft before. Just that, that's all, have a great day!",1 Last night i was just laying in bed trying to sleep & it just hit me really hard i did manage to get to sleep after like 4 hours of talking myself down but it didn’t go away when i woke up. I did manage to get some stuff today but rn it’s hitting hard again i don’t know whats wrong or how i can stop my brain. Please help,2 "So in addition to my extreme intrusive thoughts and repetitive behaviors, part of my OCD is what i call quiet organization. I’m a messy person, I’m not super organized in my room or car, but there are times and especially if its a tedious task that i will be so meticulous and detailed and it makes my brain so happy. I work at a distillery and we tend to be slow during the weekdays so our manager will assign us side (mostly cleaning) tasks to do throughout the day. One of my tasks was to gut and cut a pumpkin for decoration and my other one was organizing drawers by the bar. They ordered drawer dividers and when they came in my heart skipped a beat i was over the moon. They usually assign me tedious tasks because of how much they make me happy. I also love puzzles so taking apart the drawers and reorganizing them however i wanted was icing on the cake. Sometimes OCD comes in handy and sometimes (although rarely) can be satisfying.",1 "feeling worthless, hopeless, confused, lonely, i dont know what my purpose is. i dont know how to find it or if i will ever find it. i have no friends, apart from a bunch of idiots that i only talk to at school. they are hardly into anything that i am into. i live with my family, although to me they just seem like strangers. theyve made my life hell in the past and kinda still do today. i especially hate my dad because he wants me to be muslim and i never want to be one due to personal reasons. you may know why, you may not. since i am locked up in this house like a bird in a cage, i devote most of my time to this computer. i primarily watch anime because it makes me feel better, more powerful (when cool anime characters win fights, etc), and also gives decent advice as far as i can tell. i've wanted to become a coder, but once i stick to one task my brain is like do this then do that. there is an account i want on MineCraft. can't get it, i especially hate losing and loss. i cannot tolerate it because i am a loser. i consume high amounts of coffee because for some reason it somewhat stabilizes my brain and makes me feel a tiny little bit better. however, my parents keep begging me to stop because 'one day it will make my heart stop'. but i honestly can't give a crap anymore. i doubt there is anybody like me. but if there is, i'm sorry for you.",2 "I in no way want to trivialise the mental anguish of depression, I haven't been formally diagnosed , but a GP once said I have symptoms and I should come back for a referral, I never went back. today was a particular difficult day I haven't left the house I haven't even washed or brushed my teeth. I don't feel sad I feel numb and completely demotivated from doing anything I have been in bed for hours not wanting to move. Not all days are like this thankfully. I am quite hungry but I can't be bothered to do anything about it. Am I just lazy and horrible?",2 "I haven’t told this to my medical team yet but that’s because I’ve recently had this whole wave of emotions and glimpses into memories. My dad verbally and emotionally abused me. People deff have had it worse but it was enough to really fuck me up. He was severely mentally ill. He isn’t anymore, so I’ve forgiven him, but I stuffed shit down. I just got my first what I think is an episode. I feel like back in the situation in the sense that my body and brain are reacting to old threats from my dad and severe bullying. Lots of controlled crying (I’m impressed I can compose myself to write this) but I know tomorrow is going to be hard to get through. No stranger to mental illness and I know my body will be dead tomorrow and I work in nursing so, kinda demanding rn. I can’t take a day off tomorrow but in a week or two I would. I’m not diagnosed and maybe I don’t have it. But my friend who has it thinks I have it. I trust her but I’m so terrified of the work ahead of me. I’m just ranting idk how y’all do it.",3 "New here- so if I break some sort of ""code"" I preemptively apologize. My son is 9, DX w adhd and also an extremely high IQ. (may be irrelevant) Last week at baseball he hit a friend in the head with his bat pretty hard. He's absolutely ever been violent. He was not mad at all, they were playing. He was just not thinking at all. It seemed like a ""what will happen"" experiment. I can not explain how bad we feel. The kid got a concussion. My son feels awful of course but.. I can not wrap my head around why he would do this. He did get kicked off the team, so the punishment matches the crime and he's been very remorseful since. Has anyone else done something so careless and hurt someone? How do you explain it to people? How can we as parents help? Any insight or advise is helpful.",0 "I'm diagnosed with OCD traits and I would like to know if you think those thoughts are intrusive thoughts and if you have experience something similar. So sometimes I think people can hear my thoughts, I even hear my thoughts like louder inside my head. I also fear that there are monsters inside my walls, or that there are bugs inside of me or that I'm dying and rotting inside. I also thought during a week that my loved ones were replaced with clones bc aliens were spying me, and that aliens were trying to poison a loved one. I have this thoughts in waves, they come and go, I don't fully believe them 100%but I do, it's weird to explain. Like they give me a lot of anxiety bc of ""what if"". Are those intrusive thoughts? What should I do?",1 "I was wondering if other aspie brothers and sisters liked dancing or not. I hate it with a passion, but was wondering if it could be tied to Aspergers or I'm just a boring person lol. I find that nt's burst out in dance if they're excited, like light stimming.",3 "So one day I saw my boyfriend without the expectations of feeling a certain way, it worked for me for a while I suddenly felt like I loved him, that I was excited to see him, that I was able to feel happy agian, my obsession was gone for a minute or so then it came back I was doubting if he was the one agian. Does anyone have this? Why did I feel that way is it not true?",1 "Is just, I get drunk and then can't stop touching and looking at things (as long as is not bright lights) sounds are even more annoying to me, but anything tactile, a cushion, a cover, a dog, a shirt, even a particularly soft or warm or bright looking skin, I just can't stop myself, it is very pleasant, it is also very troublesome. Because I'm asexual and people interpret things wrong. I want to touch things not have sex. Ps. I've never used any kind of drug, just alcohol and antidepressants. Never together.",3 "I live on a top floor of an apartment, and since it's an old building, the unit directly below can hear everything. Every footstep. The housing office said they got a noise complaint a few months ago, and ever since then, I've been very careful about making noise. Too careful, to the point where it's hard to relax. I am up early, during quiet hours, and often find myself literally walking on my toes. Literally. Because I don't want to disturb anyone. # An Unwelcome Visitor The other day I was listening to an audiobook while doing dishes. Normally I would wear headphones, but I get tired of having them in all the time. During quiet hours I must use headphones, and at the current time it's outside quiet hours, so I felt it would be OK to listen on my speakers. It was turned up just enough so I could make out the words over the running water. Suddenly, I hear a BANG BANG BANG like the sound of a cannon. I compare it to the sound of a cannon because it was LOUD. I jumped and instantly felt the flood of addrenalin caused by the sudden booming. I soon realized it was coming from my door. I stopped the audiobook and looked through the peephole to find a man. We'll call him John-- the tenant who lives in the unit below me. He looked furious. He then talked to me through the door: *""Turn that f\*\*\*ing thing off right f\*\*\*ing now. I mean it. I am tired of you constantly stomping around. If you don't cut it out I'm going to come up here and bash your f\*\*\*ing head in.""* I was too shaken to respond, and he turned around and left. # The Aftermath I immediately called the housing office to report it, and then I called the police to file a report. The police showed up at my unit a few minutes later, and had me explain it again. The officer was very sympathetic and said he's lived in an apartment before and knows that every footstep can be heard below. He went down to have a chat with John, who denied coming up to talk to me, but did grumble about the noise. The officer knew he was lying but couldn't do much since I had no evidence and my description of the man was vague (I haven't seen him enough and I was too shaken to remember what he was wearing). The officer was clever though and said to John, *""If you happen to hear of anyone banging on someone's door and making threats, be sure to remind them that this is illegal and can result in an arrest.""* The officer came back to me and recounted his conversation with John. It is a little comforting to know that John has now probably been scared into never doing that again. The housing office also said they would address it with him, though could not give me any details. # My Thoughts It was likely an empty threat. I don't know the man well. And I don't think he even knows what I look like, which is comforting. I do know the neighborhood well, and it is a very safe neighborhood. Lots of families and retired people. Crime rates are very low. I do not want to bend to his threat in any way. I should be able to listen to something on my speakers during non-quiet hours without being afraid of someone trying to hurt me. But part of me wonders if I should actually just move out. I hate to do that since I love where I live now (except for my downstairs neighbor). Any other place would be not be in as good of a location, and would not fit my needs the way my current place does. Right now I am home. I can't fathom how someone would be so unreasonable. He bangs on my door as hard as he can, and makes demands and threats due to my normal living noises. The irony here is that out of every sound that has ever come from my unit, the loudest by far was the banging on my door. The noise HE made! # The Question It's been about a week, but I can't stop ruminating on it, especially when I make a noise that may be heard below (which is pretty much every footstep). Should I just move out? Or should I accept that this happened, but I am not in any real danger?",1 "28M, live in the UK, diagnosed with Asperger syndrome in December 2003 when I was 11. Thought I'd start by giving some of my more long-standing autistic traits. * Social interaction's always been difficult for me * VERY particular around food, though I'm better than I used to be, but there are still some things I won't eat - mushrooms, for example, as the texture's unpleasant and the smell makes me want to vomit * My co-ordination's usually quite poor, and I still struggle with things like doing shoelaces up & I'm not fond of trousers with buttons on the fly * Slight oversensitivity to bright lights There are others as well, which have become more apparent over the past few years. I didn't realise how much noise can affect me until a couple of years ago. I was in an amusement arcade in St Ives in Cornwall on one of the bingo machines there. I was doing well, but the noise made me lose focus at crucial times. A few months later, I got some noise-cancelling headphones (Sennheiser HD 4.50 BTNCs, if anyone's interested), and the difference they've made is astounding. I don't wear them all the time, but tend to if I'm out and about, and they're so good. The amount of road noise they cut out is amazing. I never really noticed sensory issues with clothing until a year or two back. I tend to wear tight-fitting jeans, as I prefer having the material tight to my legs. Not a fan of loose-fitting jeans, as I don't like the material randomly hitting my legs. My work trousers are loose-fitting, and the material's quite thin. Not keen on them randomly hitting my legs either. It's also one reason why I can't wear boxer shorts as underwear - too much material, makes me feel sweaty, and they bunch up under my trousers. Has to be boxer-briefs or briefs for me, but I can't wear anything cheap, as I find they're often made of low-quality material and aren't cut in the right way for me - a problem especially apparent with briefs! Bought some jogging bottoms with zip-up pockets a while back, and they're SO comfortable. Not wearing them in warmer weather, but they're really useful when it's colder. I have a lot of stuff in my pockets, and with another pair of jogging bottoms, they had no zips, so stuff would always fall out whenever I sat down. Since the pandemic, I've noticed I've been stimming quite a bit more. I don't know whether the stress of everything that's been going on has caused me to stim more, or I've just noticed it a bit more. The main two are tapping my feet and moving my legs in general when sat down. I'm really self-conscious of doing this when I'm around my parents (and other family members, for that matter), but can do it in my bedroom or at work with no problems whatsoever. The other is chewing things. I only ever tend to chew the end of my pen (not the nib end) when I'm at work and not wearing a face covering. At the weekend, on a long car journey home from a day trip to Reading with my parents, I realised that chewing my pen's a form of stimming, and thought it may be worth getting some chewable jewellery to use instead. Having said that, I know it may not be a good look during COVID to have this in a retail setting. Also, it could look weird for a 28-year-old to be chewing on something around his neck, but hey - I've seen much weirder things during the time I've spent working in retail! I feel it'd be worth mentioning meltdowns. I never really have them, though I ended up experiencing one a few weeks ago which left me feeling rather distressed. Because I don't normally experience them, I wasn't sure what to do, which left me feeling even worse (thankfully, my boyfriend was there and helped to calm me down). Have I had meltdowns in the past? Probably, but maybe I just didn't recognise the signs. Or maybe I'm often good at recognising signs and putting things in place to prevent meltdowns without realising it! I'd be intrigued to know what other autistic traits people have come to realise as they've grown up and experienced more of what life has to offer.",3 "Hi all, I’ve never really introduced myself to the community, I am a 28 year old female diagnosed and treated for inattentive ADD as of March. I have a few great ideas I really want to see come to life. I can’t ignore them, but they are also things that I am not really trained in. I just graduated in 2020 with a BSc., and these personal project and business ideas are simply a result of my special interests and pastimes, and have nothing to do with what I’ve been training for. I am constantly understimulated at work , it’s an entry level job suited to my degree, and the promises of it taking me somewhere seem too far away, and like they move further from my grasp everyday. Instead, I spend all day listening to podcasts that make me acutely focused and better informed on the ideas that I am having. I just read an article that talks about how great people with ADHD are in entrepreneurship roles. I love the idea of being in control of my career in the way that a business owner is, and every dream career I’ve had is something I’ve made up in my brain and doesn’t exist (yet.) What I really want to do next is map out the stages in my projects so I can plan for success, and gauge my progress. I’m not sure where to find resources on how to map it out though. Thanks in advance to this community for any advice or comments! I welcome all the words!",0 "For the longest time, I've been the least favorite kid for not only my parents, but everyone. My mom had my older brother, my dad had my younger brother and I was just alone. I never had friends growing up, and when I did, they would leave when I took off the ""happy mask"" as I call it. Recently I've been caught up in my parents drama. The whole, ""this stays between us"" is a total scam and I've just come to realize that. I'll be honest with you, I haven't thought about dying for a really long time, but for the past few weeks, it doesn't seem all that bad. I had a panic attack today, had nobody to turn to and that was hard, even if it's been like that my whole life. I just need friends or someone to talk to. And not one of those pity friends. I want someone that'll text me every day and check in on me even if I don't text them first because I'm terrible at starting conversations.",2 Is it just me or does Polaroid by Imagine Dragons sound eerily relatable as an aspie?,3 "Hey all, Not sure if my experience is congruent with other's experience. But my 10mg Ritalin LA, I think, only lasted about 6 hours, and the comedown left me anxious and irritable. I did take the meds on a very empty stomach and early in the morning. It felt like I only got a couple good hours of the effects near the end. Will the comedown always be unpleasant or will I get used to that? Will a higher dose last longer? Will an LA dose last longer if I take it on a full stomach? Is 10mg a high enough dose for a 200+ lbs person? Today was my first day but I am a little disappointed in the results right now. Thanks for your help!",0 "Got diagnosed with complex PTSD but my memory of all the trauma (childhood in general) is very vague and sparse and i don't actually feel anything towards it when I consciously recall it. Maybe just a lot of dissociation. Inattentive and daydreamy as a child. Are people with ADHD more prone to developing amnesia regarding the Trauma? Or is this just a detached personality? What's your experience? Thanks",0 "Sorry if this post comes off as weird but I really want to know if this is normal by other people with ptsd TW: physical child abuse I’ve been abused by my father my entire life until recently where I’ve been moved by cps, even my earliest memory is of him hitting me. One of the ways he especially hurt me was choking, And I’ve noticed a strong pattern of when i feel worse/is a bit more paranoid cause my ptsd, scarves just feel nice, even during the summers i wear them cause it feels like it’s protecting my neck with this really soft cloth, sometimes when I’ve been heavily triggered my first instinct is to put on my scarf if it isn’t on already, is this weird? :( I should also clarify, I was recently professionally diagnosed with ptsd but I knew about a year beforehand too so I’ve analyzed quite a bit",3 "My depression always seems to get worse when daylight savings starts. Every day is getting so hard, I just want to stop eating and starve to death. I hate what I see in the mirror. I know my girlfriend loves me but I feel like she should hate me. Why doesn’t she hate me? I don’t know who could ever love me. I can’t stop thinking that she probably doesn’t even love me. She’s probably just using me. But I know she loves me as much as I love her. So why do I think like this? Why???? She’s never done anything to break my trust. I just hate living it’s so hard to get out and do shit. I want to hang out with my friends but I feel like I don’t have any, even tho I do. Why does my brain just keep lying to me. It’s ruining my life.",2 I have a huge problem most of the time where I don’t recognize myself in pictures or the mirror. It happened before being raped but it’s been more frequent and this is the first time since that I actually saw myself and didn’t feel totally out of my skin. This all happened after a really lovely day with my bf he really makes me feel better present and happy.,3 "It feels like a cycle that I can’t stop. Whether it be online or in my personal life, I feel like I can’t stop being “too much.” It takes so little for me to go off and I feel like I’m always typing paragraphs to the ones I love telling them about something that frustrates me to get it off my chest. Then, i get hit with instant regret. Especially if I get a bad or weirded out reaction from them. I want to stop doing this so badly. I thought becoming more self aware about it would help but I just seem to keep venting to the wrong people and making a fool of myself or saying things that make me sound like an asshole. I’m embarrassed I go through phases where I’m not so bad and then others where I find myself making people around me overwhelmed and uncomfortable",0 "Im not sure if this related but i obsessively think about relationships and friendships. I always make imaginary scenarios in my head of healthy reciprocal relationships and friendships i wish to have and it plays in my head over and over. Is this also maladaptive day dreaming? It really interferes with my life. I think about people who i wish i had a deep connection with and just play imaginary conversations in my head. Im sick of it bc i just want to be a normal person who lives in the moment instead of wishing to be living out my ""dream"" and ""fantasized"" connections with ppl. I have always attracted sneaky and two faced ppl, possibly bc of my codependent nature and not being able to stick up for myself, not reinforcing my boundaries even though i did have them. Overall I just had bad luck throughout my life. The ones that i did make friends with were only happenstance and it ended quickly bc they or I had to move. I dont know why my healthy relationships were never meant to last as long as the shtty ones. Guess ill never know the answer to that.",1 "Hello! I've been dealing with uncontrollable mental OCD for the past 4 months. I'm struggling every day from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I do nothing but think about intrusive thoughts, I csnt watch tv I can simply go outside and enjoy my day. I cant even hang out with friends, because I feel like until I get over this, it wont let me live my life. This is an embarrassing OCD, it's a type of relationship OCD if I'm correct, it's something called Retroactive Jelousy, even though I think mine is much works from how people describe Retroactive jealousy. This started 4 months ago, when I was cleaning my apartment and found a note from my significant other, that she had a ONS with this guy that I knew and he hated me because I was with her and he always wanted to be with her. And what triggered me was ""was just a ONS to you to make him mad"" all he mentioned was that they talked on the phone, that she called him for advice. But he mentioned that one phone call as a ONS. And it took me off the edge. I started to think she cheated on me. I've been with her for 10 years and know her longer than that. And the time he spoke about was when me and her were in a long distance relationship. I started piecing things together from the past to find out the truth. Asking her a million questions. Not believing a word she was saying...I got over it eventually, but what happened was, it spiralled down to something else. I started to think she slept with another guy that was her friend at the time. Asking her questions, she denied cheating on me. I kept asking if there is more people she slept with from the ones I dont know about. She said no and said no for a while. Until she finally told me that she slept with 3 extra people, and one of them was a guy I knew that liked her. And she said she slept with him after we broke up long distance. That took me off the edge. I thought for sure she cheated on me with that guy when they hung out. Or she kept him as a side guy to save when we are not together, because she knew he liked her. There are all my assumptions. But she says I'm being delusional and it just happened, she wasnt saving anyone for later. I started assuming every guy she ever met she slept with. I'm terrified that if she talks to anyone she meets now, she may keep them on the side, even though shes never had a guy friend while with me for the 10 years of living with her. I'm making everything a worst case scenario, she really is a honest and good person and believe she did nothing wrong and would never hurt me intentionally. But my mind still thinks there is more people, I have to ask her constantly, i still think she saves guys while with me, even though she dosent talk to guys while with me. I was constantly seeing sexual images with her and her past lovers. Everytime I get a negative thought i feel a surge of anxiety and its constant 24/7. I would throw up in the morning. I tried prozac and zoloft they only make me feel worst. But here is my main question, I know with regular OCD when you have a fear or death or let's say germs. You can either avoid it ""I know it makes things worst"" or you can face it and say ""I will die"" or expose yourself to germs. But in my situation, I cant simply say ""my girlfriend is untrustworthy and cheated on me and will cheat on me"" everytime I get convinced she is someone like that, I go into rage and even tried to kick her out of my house. You see I know deep inside she never cheated, i know deep inside that shes the sweetest girl I've ever met. I wouldn't be with her for 10 years of she wasnt. But my fear is that she isnt the girl that i thought she was, and it's doing everything it can to destroy my relationship. I'm so scared for my life. If I lose her, at this point i wont trust anyone in a relationship with this condition. And honestly I've been torturing my gf with non stop question to get relief. I get a thought, ""she cheated in me"" I ask her questions to see if any of my thoughts make sense. She explains everything and it makes sense, I start to feel like a delusional insecure idiot. But then i start ruminating, and think she cheated on me again and have to ask her a million questions. Then I would ask about how much times she had sex with a certain person, or they were actually dating or a ONS, I try to come up with reasons to see if shes mischievous. And a lot of the times my OCD wins and I start looking at her like shes a threat. How do I get past this? Do I accept the thought of her cheating on me even though it's not true. And I keep thinking there is more people shes not telling me about. I think shes liar. Even though shes only lied to me about 1 thing and it's the extra people she didnt tell me about to hurt my feelings. But from this point. I'm so afraid, I'm afraid to mind will trick me into thinking shes someone shes not and end my relationship. I'm doing everything I can to stop this. But I simply dont know how to face these fears, they seem so real and it's like they are happening real time. Please someone if you have any advice, please let me know. Thank you!",1 "Sometimes I think I've made so much progress and then what I feel as ""depression"" kicks in and I adjust my coping mechs and it's all good. But once a month I totally forget that it's not me and my brain but these hormones doing the most. I was trying to treat my trauma downside how I normally do then realized that it's that time of the month when I start weeping at the ending scene of school of rock. Does this happen to anyone else? I feel like such a goober omg..",3 "I'm looking for advice on how to approach HR at my company. Basically this pandemic triggered my PTSD. I'm a manager at a retail store, I didn't necessarily panic but my anxiety effected me at work over the last few weeks. My boss and co-workers noticed I was reacting badly. Got the point where I just had to convince my doctor to test me (I was sick) so I could get out of work. I've never mentioned to work about PTSD because it has never been an issue until now. They took me off some special projects and are reconsidering my promotion. I want to explain my behavior so they have a better understanding of why I reacted the way I did and hopefully they are understanding. But I don't know what to say.",3 I know I keep saying I don't know how to talk about my feelings.... but here I am expressing my feelings. I feel like I can't feel safe... I saw one of my childhood abusers show up at my work place 3 days ago.... I just... want to dissappear....,2 "I've come to realization that I'm not lazy and I'm also not as deeply depressed as I used to be (but I still have it). For a combination of reasons I just don't eat enough calories. A friend linked me to a calorie calculator site that tells me how much I should eat in a day and he told me to track my calories.... I'm way under what I should eat to maintain my weight and I'm already a stick. Not eating enough makes it hard to get out of bed in the morning. Light headed, low energy, weak. If I still don't eat after that I get very irritable at work and can't think which in turn makes me hate my job and it makes me more upset. I finally eat and then I'm fine. Time to go home and I should eat... But I don't. And I don't have the energy to go to the grocery store either so I tell myself I'll just eat a good breakfast in the morning. Wash rinse repeat.",2 "I am by all definitions a loner. While I do have one friend, I don't frequently talk to them. Even when I am in groups or in public, my mind is trapped in a state of feeling isolated. I can't help but feel like I don't fit in with the rest of the world. I want to make this clear: I am NOT and introvert. I don't like being alone and I even want to reach out to people I knew in my past. I feel numb all the time and it causes me to act out to feel some form of stimulation; for example, I walked out in the middle of traffic so I could trigger a sense of fear. I've stopped eating and have lost a lot of weight in a short period of time. Exercise, and self improvement are null. I'm wasting away. I have low self-esteem and despite only being around the age of 20, I feel like my life is over.",2 "After some journaling, I have ask myself; how can I heal in an environment like this? Where, no matter how hard you avoid it, brutality and violence and pain is a constant; where mass murders are committed almost daily that require us to constantly be on guard and looking for an escape route? When every single time we look at our phones, or tv, or go to any public place with the news running constantly showing nothing but terrible things? When real life is literally nightmare fuel and the injustice and pain and turmoil of the world is just fucking icing on my already fucked up cake. I can’t go to the grocery without paying attention to the exit signs and making an alternate route to get out. I am constantly making a contingency plan in my head of what I’d do if shit went down at any moment. My PTSD is already moderate but the society we live in amplifies it. I don’t feel safe in my mind and I don’t feel safe in the world. It’s not as easy as just turning off the phone or tv. It’s everywhere. Plus, being informed and aware of major issues is important to me as a person so I don’t want to tune completely out. Is healing possible in such a sick society?? :/",3 "This has been happening on and off since last fall now. But most times after eating, my heart rate shoots up to 120 and I have to take deep breathes in front of a fan and drink water to slow it down. It usually 30 minutes to an hour. Is this because of my PTSD? Or am I doing something wrong? I developed stress induced palpitations for the first time last summer but they mysteriously went away after a few months but now a days, they only show up after meals.",3 "okay, this might not be a big deal to everyone else, it might not be useful (at all) to some, so that’s why i’m calling it my *favorite* hack instead of my best one *listening to instrumental covers of my favorite pop songs* LISTEN. this is my favorite way to relax while still keeping my mind engaged and getting that fix of dopamine. and not getting bored. there aren’t any words in the song but i’m singing them in my head and it’s so much more engaging than just listening to the song, but also wayyyy less distracting. can’t wake up in the morning? play an instrumental. Reading a book but don’t feel stimulated enough? instrumental. taking a walk? instrumental. Studying? yep — instrumental. it’s just the PERFECT combo of engaging and not distracting. Any task that requires focus but is under stimulating — instrumental. AND THERES A MILLION TYPES. i used to be in love with piano instrumental but lately guitar instruments are great. and there’s probably a trillion different version for each song, and there’s literally every song —- for all my swifties out there, ATW instrumental is a different world. There’s a million playlists on spotify that i use. if anyone tries this, please let me know how it goes!!! And if anyone has similar hacks, feel free to share!!",0 "Often im staying awake on purpose to feel tired the next day. Its also OCD related cause i have a loooong list of things i ""have"" to do before sleeping but im also doing it beacuse when you're tired you have to focus on staying awake and you can't focus on the pain. In the long run i know this is just making me feel worse and i feel like im disrespecting people with sleep problems, i've always been able to fall asleep almost right away.",2 "i have an appointment to get antidepressants coming up. for some reason, it’s like i need reassurance that what im trying to do is right. ive been on them before and they helped, but it turned out that i was allergic to them. i am stuck in my head all day thinking about everything bad that has happened in my life and its hard for me to interact with people. im in nursing school right now and I can’t believe i could ever be a good nurse without being medicated.",2 "New to reddit so I apologize if this question has obviously been discussed already. I've been on Adderall for about 8 years.(current rx is \~30mg xr a day) Over the past 6 months I've tried to titrate off medication 2 times after feeling like it was locking me out of part of my mind. (I wasn't creative anymore; I felt like I was only motivated to react to things and not act out of personal desire/compulsion, I was stuck in a job I hated but couldn't get myself to find another job bc I didn't know what I \~wanted\~ to do). Well, both times ended up with me in a dopamine-deprived pit of despair so Im going to start up again. What happens when we get older? Are we just supposed to take these meds forever until our retirement home nurses switch us to placebos lol? Im in my early 30s and just curious how things will play out as I get older. ",0 "I’m 16 and was diagnosed last November after a pretty lengthy battle with depression. I found out yesterday that my friend got my ex girlfriend (who was my girlfriend at the time) drunk and raped her. I have never felt pain like this before in my life and I don’t know how to carry this depression. I don’t talk to the girl anymore due to a really messy breakup and her new boyfriend being a drug dealer who would probably beat me up if I did. I feel so depressed that my friend who I cared for and loved could do that to me.",3 "small tw mention of homophobia im currently super hyperfixated on a wholesome gay ship and ive been not able to sleep bc im just drawing 2 dudes kissing the whole time and i wanna tell everyone about it and i literally have noone who shares my interest and now some guy randomly texted me bc hes bored (we are on a mutual friends disc server) and i was starting to talk abt this hyperfixation and then he tells me hes homophobic and he started talking differently, and like, i could tell hes judging me and now i feel ashamed and i wish i could turn back time and i feel so bad bc i cant shut up about it and i feel like ppl see me as a weirdo for it and idk i have noone to talk to who relates so i have to just swallow all the excitement that i have and hide it but i cant think about anything else i really just wanna be myself and be excited about things and tell someone about it and not be judged and idk it really sucks to have that massive urge to share something ur so passionate about just for them to basically say 'yikes' to it ahh im just really bummed out rn and idk what to do",0 "UPDATE: A couple days after posting this, I started to feel much better, but I really don't know why. Maybe it was the cold meds kicking in. Maybe it was something else. I also got some good news today. Despite my young age and COVID, a company decided to hire me. I can't believe it actually happened. I was certain young people like me finally became unhireable thanks to Covid. I just hope I don't accidentally screw it up. Who knows how long it'll take to find another company crazy enough to give young people a chance. Also, I purchased some St John's Wart. Unfortunately, I haven't had a chance to use it yet, because I need the cold meds to leave my system first. Otherwise, I'll get a serious, medical condition. (A condition the pharmacist failed to mention when I bought St John's Wart and cold meds at the same time.) However, with this new job, I may not need the wart anymore. Maybe I should take it just in case. I don't know. ORIGINAL DEPRESSING POST: I've always been depressed. This is mostly due to companies not wanting to hire young people like me. It's made it near impossible to get a job. Then Covid just made things worse. I've actually tried suicide once and failed. However, I've been able to manage my depression ever since. Unfortunately, my depression just came back en force. It feels like it's shutting me down. I feel hollow and cold. I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to lay down all day. I'm also not reacting to anything. Like, I'll watch something, my brain records it, and that's it. I almost feel brain dead. I've also lost a lot of my appetite. Today, I ate just one muffin, and I'm honestly not 100% sure why I ate it. The worst part is most of my thoughts are about my knife being covered with my blood. I actually see it sometimes in my mind, and I kinda like it. I think about running the knife along my throat and feeling my hot blood flow over my cold body like a warm shower. Then, I think I should go for the wrist to avoid gurgling on my blood. I don't know how I managed to type all of this, or even why I'm doing it. I guess part of me is still functioning somewhere. However, I'm not sure how long I can hold out like this, especially without a source of income. I fear my odd, knife fantasy will very soon become reality. Also, I got a cold a few days ago. Hopefully I'll feel better when it's gone, but I really don't know. It's definitely not helping.",2 "Of course if happened at work. So I wasn’t able to use coping methods. I’ve had a ton of panic attacks before , but this is the first PTSD related one and I’m scared of having more. Just the way a guy looked at me triggered me. I can’t have this. I don’t want this. It kills a part of me.",3 "Hello everyone. Since my mom wants to divorce with my dad, my depression starting to get worse and sleeping deprivation is now a big issue for me. I only could get 3 or maybe 4 hours of sleep everyday and super tired, but there's no way I could sleep past that. Any advices/tips to improve my sleeping? Thank you!",2 "I don't know where to begin. Me? I am 18 years old Korean male and my past is complicated. Just to clarify, I have never been officially diagnosed PTSD, but I think there is a possibility. Growing up, I've seen so many times my father and mother had an argument and I was involved in it mostly in the corner just crying being the witness of the argument. They were helicopter parents as well. Micro-control every shit I do. Gradually, I didn't even know what I could do by myself. My father and mother would beat me if I do things wrong and even made a small mistake. I assume some of you know the feeling when you are so fucking angry that makes you wonder ""How can I be this angry? Won't I turn in to devil?"" I felt this when I was 9 years old. Then I stepped to my puberty very early around the time I was 10 years old. The more I got bent out of shape, my father beat me until I go back to the ""shape"" I was supposed to be in. Then when I was 12, just because I hung out with toxic people, my mom decided to kick me out to Thailand (to study in an international school). Yeah, it's the first time I thought of killing myself and my mom. Then my father came and beat me again. I broke my toe and got a serious surgery. Doc told me my toe would never grow the way it could before the accident. Fast-forward to 2014 summer, I went to Thailand and met a toxic roommate, I thought since I and my roommate were both Koreans, I expected to enjoy this new life until I knew what kinda person he was. I had nobody and every night wishing I could go back to Korea, I shed tears. I literally had nobody, couldn't speak English but back then I somehow managed to handle this. Being able to learn English abroad was unquestionably a blessing but it cost almost half of my life. The first year I turned my GPA from 1.4 to 3.3. Everything was good finally. I thought I ended the ""curse"" that life threw at me. However, so many people turned back on me including my girlfriend. You guessed it. The background I had that I didn't think had no effect on my relationships, was affecting it. I was obsessive around people and got emotional too easily. Still believe this to be the problem. Nothing much after this. My mom moved me to Singapore and I repeated this again except for language problems. Also, I got beat up by a new roommate and got into a street gang situation that caused me to get beat up again Now? I am so sick. I really think I have PTSD. My parents don't beat me up. Right. If my parents don't beat me up, something gotta do it. I now have a panic attack, can't go outside not feeling overwhelmed and anxious, depression, social anxiety, sleeping problems, scoliosis, tachycardia(irregular heartbeat), brain fog, very weird dreams not to mention nightmares, speech difficulty, difficulty remembering, CFS, digestive problem, no emotion, no love, no interest (maybe a symptom of brain fog), hyperhidrosis, sexual dysfunction all of which developed in 2016\~2017 when I had a bad break up and moved to Singapore. Currently, I am a degree student. Despite all of these obstacles, I decided to be a rapper and most of my songs are about violence, depression, and dying early. I still think I will die young or I have to and even if I do, I have no regrets. I just wish to see how I could grow up if my situation was a lil bit more positive. I also wish I was in a high school ceremony cuz didn't graduate high school. I feel so many years are forgotten and abandoned. Although I can't even feel anger, I gotta say this. What seems like a normal behaviour can cost someone's life. Thx for reading.",3 "It sucked. I felt like I was talking to a bot with zero empathy or personality. I just wanted someone to talk to about my frustrations and help me calm down but I felt like all my responses were completely ignored and dismissed with a script. I get it. I have a lot of issues. I have chronic pain, anxiety, ocd, depression, and ptsd. I might be bipolar but I don’t have a definitive diagnosis because I can’t see my psychiatrist until my appointment that’s 4 months away. I’m just frustrated. I can’t get my meds fixed and I’m anxious all the time and I can’t figure out what to do. I genuinely don’t have people to talk to. I can’t see my therapist anymore because I can’t afford it. I don’t really have friends. I just wanted to feel less alone and like I was valid and this stupid text line made me feel worse. I feel like a constant burden in every aspect of my life and the responses I was getting made me feel like that even more",2 "In Switzerland it's common to wave to another car in order to thank in certain traffic situations. For example when on a two way road a parked car blocks on side. If you wait behind that car while allowing a car from the opposite direction to pass it; they will typically wave as a thank you. Now what annoys me often is that not everyone waves. There is no consistency. It especially annoys me when someone doesn't wave back. I can't help it. I recently found out that, while waving, if I keep my hand up a little longer: a lot more people end up waving back :) I didn't measure this but it feels like I went from a success rate of 50% to 80%. I think the longer you wave , the more obliged another driver feels himself/herself to wave back. Anyway, I thought this could be useful to others here.",3 "Just got diagnosed with DID, after thinking I’ve had it for probably a year now. It’s kindof hard to make sense of it all. I don’t know how to describe it to others so it makes it hard to share. Are there others with this? What can I expect? How did you tell others?",3 "Hey all! I'm currently undergoing assessment for ADHD and Autism after being undiagnosed for most of my life. The psychiatrist I'm seeing told me I was showing signs of inattentive type ADHD and was wondering if people here had tips to help me cope with the symptoms till the assessment process is done.",0 "hi guys. So I have created a mindset that number 6 is bad and number 7 is good. if I pray, ask for forgiveness or do most of the stuff 6 times I would think its a bad thing or 7 a good thing. is it bad if I pray or ask for forgiveness 3 or more times while thinking of 6 or praying and or asking for forgiveness for 3 times thinking of 6? is it bad if I pray or ask for forgiveness 3 or more times while thinking of 7 or praying and or asking for forgiveness for 3 times thinking of 6? any advice in what to do? I have this thoughts that 3 is perfection, 6 is bad and 7 is good. sorry for my english.",1 "Just wondering if this is an ADHD thing, I love having new experiences and doing fun things but I only feel like I get the benefit from doing them from having them as a memory. Like in the moment of the experience I'm not really present so I don't really feel the value of things while they're happening. But then once I get back I realise how much I loved it and get annoyed that I didn't make the most of it while I was there. Does anyone else have this?",0 "I am feeling pretty upset about Elijah McClain's death and the lack of accountability for it. McClain died as a result of an interaction with police in August 2019 in Aurora, Colorado. A report came out [three days ago](https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/02/23/elijah-mcclain-investigation/) saying that the police had ""no legally justified reason to stop, frisk or use multiple chokeholds on McClain."" (Quote is from article not from report.) These were his last words, which were recorded by police body cam audio: ""I can't breathe. I have my ID right here. My name is Elijah McClain. That's my house. I was just going home. **I'm an introvert. I'm just different.** That's all. I'm so sorry. I have no gun. I don't do that stuff. I don't do any fighting. **Why are you attacking me?** I don't even kill flies! I don't eat meat! But I don't judge people, I don't judge people who do eat meat. Forgive me. All I was trying to do was become better. I will do it. I will do anything. Sacrifice my identity, I'll do it. You all are phenomenal. You are beautiful and I love you. Try to forgive me. I'm a mood Gemini. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Ow, that really hurt! **You are all very strong.** Teamwork makes the dream work. Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to do that. I just can't breathe correctly."" I bolded a few phrases that seem particularly likely to me to be uttered by a person with Aspergers. I haven't found a definitive source saying that Elijah McClain had Aspergers, but this [BBC article](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-56134565) says McClain had ASD. If McClain did have ASD and that is a matter of public record, then I am not sure why it is not reported more widely -- the fact that the BBC article mentions it seems unusual in reporting about McClain. I understand Aspergers as corresponding to a pattern of behaviors, which can make it hard to diagnose even if you have lots of information about a person, and I don't have a ton of information about Elijah McClain. But it sure seems likely to me, and I'm wondering what y'all think.",3 "I have a hard time calling out work even if I need to. I have a final coming up and I'm panicking. I need a mental health day. I rarely call out and rarely late, I know others call out so often and still keep their jobs. They also just released a statement about attendance. I know this job isn't worth it and I know I'm replaceable but I still get too much anxiety. I really want to call out tomorrow because I know my time with my boyfriend is worth more than my time at this job that is destroying my mental health. I can really use some time with him and some time to study. Any tips to relieve this anxiety?",0 "I obsess over what people think of me constantly and I also frequently have intrusive thoughts (Pure O). It's usually pretty unbearable for me and I have no idea what to do. I can't afford therapy or a visit to the psychiatrist and mental health isn't subsidized where I live. Please help",1 "I have had a rough couple of years living in abject misery, and somewhat recently I finally managed to achieve some of my long term goals. But I feel suffocated all the time. I have been an isolated foreigner all my life and never got a chance to build lasting friendships. I have no place to call home. I have no friends. I don't get any pleasures out of the simple things in life anymore. I can't take this living day in day out day in day out each and every fucking day anymore. I'm losing what's left of my sanity. I have not had a face-to-face conversation with a real human being outside of work for a long time. I am disgusted with myself for being an introvert. Why can't I just force my brain to do what's necessary to improve my life? It physically pains me that I cannot control my brain like I can control my arms and feet.",2 "Anyone else struggle to deal with their boss at work regardless of how much positive feedback your given? I feel like they don't know how to handle me, I get great reviews and feel like I'm a good performer in my field but none of this helps me second guess everything. When I engage i feel like they are very careful with their words and I can't help but be concerned some of my closer colleagues have revealed I'm on the spectrum. I'm probably being paranoid. I'm told I handle everything very well and need very little hands on involvement but I would like some guidance. I also almost never get constructive feedback outside of good job and I don't want to be a token employee. Even surviving a transformation effort (layoffs) has not given me confidence with them. I still infodump every time I talk to them too which makes me feel like a freak. Of course they go silent when I do this 😭 Today's post is inspired by a meltdown because my yearly performance review was moved. Too often I have mini meltdowns related to not responded to messages, changes in one on one meetings involving me, performance review items.",3 "Normally i can feel deep sadness for other people. Even for people that i dont know. But for myself, it's like i don't have right to feel sad about my story. I feel depression but not sadness. I feel like there is huge frozen grief under the depression. When i think about my story, im like ''Noooo, its not that important, come on, dont magnify it....'' I dont know how to describe exactly. Sound familiar?",3 I’m on my way to a diagnosis although the doctors are still preferring to use words like “impulsivity” and “inability to focus” and “restless” instead of just using the term ADHD. My doctor suggested we try reducing my impulsivity and restlessness before moving on to diagnosing it as ADHD and prescribing meds and the way to do that is muscle relaxation therapy. I have to lay down very still in a very quiet room and tighten and relax my muscles very slowly and it is frustrating to say in the least. It’s very stressful to stay in that position and not move and my brain is just looking for any stimulus it can get and my thoughts are racing as usual but more. My doctor said it’ll get better with practice. Has anyone gone through this before? Does it help?,0 "The Fallout 4 protagonist is the most clear ADHD depiction I’ve ever seen in popular culture. At the start of the story, they have a VERY IMPORTANT TASK to do, (finding their kidnapped son) but instead they follow a treasure hunt to a secret club, join two paramilitary forces, and still spend most of their time collecting desk fans and duct tape. Also, they go from place to place getting in fights, and searching every container or interesting looking thing they can find. They never have a group of friends but one really intense friend at a time, they run everywhere, have no regular sleep schedule, substance abuse problems, keep a bunch of random stuff around in case they need it later, plus the place they live is a MESS… I could probably keep going but I think I’ve made my point. This is my official head canon, the sole survivor has ADHD. (They can’t even get treatment. War is hell.)",0 "I thought it was working the first few days i got it and now nothing? I’m trying to do an assignment and I don’t even know how to start. I keep getting distracted by something :( I just can’t focus and feel like I can’t keep still. It’s really frustrating because I thought this medication would help me focus on my work but I feel exactly the same as before??? I’m currently taking 30mg… maybe an increase would make a difference?",0 "I was diagnosed with ADHD last year at 31 and it literally changed my life. My psychiatrist stated “you undoubtedly have ADHD.” and for me everything clicked and made sense all of the sudden. I was prescribed medication and immediately started doing better at work, and school. My relationship with my extremely supportive wife improved. My close friends, my mom, and brother have all been very supportive on my journey of self-discovery. (I also went on medication for depression and anxiety this past year. All of it game changing for me.) What I am struggling with is discussing it with people who are more cynical about it because of negative stereotyping and common misconceptions. The biggest thing that irks me is “Well, aren’t they over diagnosing that?” Or “doesn’t everybody?” Almost implying that either I don’t have it or it isn’t a big deal. It’s really frustrating and can cause me to second guess myself and the progress I’ve made. What strategies or talking points can I go over to combat that way of thinking? Or at least provide a more positive way of thinking that promotes a better understanding of ADHD?",0 "Even about trivial things.. if I go back and feel ""unsatisfied"" with what I said (even hours later, even if at the moment I felt satisfied) and come up with an ""add on"" it'll stick in my mind until I say it again to the person I initially explained it too. It creates so much anxiety as I know its compulsion and I try to fight it but it feels like a frog in my throat that I just have to let out. Also its weird to just bring it up again, although the person probably forgot all about the initial explanation. I ask myself why this is important to explain again.. why must this person know this information? I know they dont. But I feel the need to do it anyway. Anyone else?",1 "May be beneficial to others. Reprograming the subconscious mind fast. Link ( loahelp.com)",3 "I feel pretty shitty, I think a big reason I'm only with my partner is to distract myself from my own depression. In the past I've just used videogames or huffing but when those things stopped being able to distract me from my depression that's when I started dating my partner. I am very happy with her but I do feel a bit of guilt bc of this. I've never been one to talk about my depression I don't think really anyone knows except my friend. idk what to do if anything",2 "I am completely obsessed with ‘feeling’ happy. It’s all I think about. To the point where I physically can not feel it because every time I do something that should make me happy I think to myself ‘here it comes I should feel happy now, why am I not feeling it??’ It’s now become impossible for me to live in the moment as I over think every situation into being miserable. Right from waking up to going to sleep all I think about is my mental health. Completely obsessive over it and I fear I will never actually be able to be happy until I let go of this thought. But it’s all I can ever think about.",1 "So a couple year ago I was hit by a car on purpose in a hit and run incident. I was injured quite badly and couldn't work and i suffered quite a bit after it Recently I was walking my dog and I saw a car headlights and I went into a mental panic and froze and tensed up for a bit, and again a few minutes later, headlights, froze. And again a few minutes later same thing. I didn't fully process what happened until I got home and when I had fully processed it I just broke down crying . I though I was better but now I don't know what to do.",3 "I recently got diagnosed with severe OCD, and even though I’m glad that I have a clearer understanding of what’s wrong with me, I’ve just been consumed by my intrusive thoughts. Even typing this out it’s taking everything in me to not delete this because my thoughts are telling me that I’m faking this all and I better not post this or else something bad will happen to me. It’s gotten so bad that I deleted all my social media because my thoughts were telling me that “someone” was going to “expose me” even though I didn’t do anything, and I’ve been having panic attacks at work and struggling to get out of bed because of “someone” being outside of my house or coming to my workplace to harm me. While I’m glad that I was able to get diagnosed, it also opened Pandora’s box in a sense. Does anyone else experience thoughts like this, if so, how do you cope with them or ground yourself? Because just pushing the thoughts away and distracting myself isn’t working anymore.",1 "Any females who experienced abuse revert back into being timid/girly/or young? I used to love edgy/goofy/cool styles but slowly I converted to loving pink/cutesy things/girly/soft styles and just in general all things girly and frilly. I’m 27 and feel like I’m acting like a teenage girl again with my style. Idk if it’s okay to embrace that since it’s comforting or if it’s something I should be careful with. I even find myself acting that way in relationships now too? This is embarrassing but the whole baby girl thing/being protected is so appealing to me now. I don’t want to be a kid or act like one but I do tend to attract to taking on a super submissive or timid like role? Blah Edit: To the person who DM’s asking if I wanted to be your baby girl.. How tasteless can you possibly be.",3 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFDa6X3rzuY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFDa6X3rzuY),1 "I’m just expected to be able to do a shit ton of work that I don’t care about, and does nothing for my future?? And do that while dealing with executive dysfunction too??? Like, I have an assignment due in a week that I haven’t started, about how the universe was created, (Big Bang, how stars and planets are made, etc) and I just can’t give myself a reason to do it, when will I ever need to know about this stuff as in depth as I’m expected to know about it?? And it doesn’t help that my teacher just plays YouTube videos and doesn’t actually teach anything, and for some stupid reason half of the assignment is an essay we have to write to show we did learn what we’re meant to learn, and the only notes we can take in are (this is really stupid), 10 words in alphabetical order, 2 numbers (no context, just the numbers), and 2 diagrams, only with labels like a b c. It’s so unnecessary I just cant. And we have to do the work during our break as well, which is even more stupid, it’s like we don’t even have a break, and it’s not like they couldn’t give us class time, since we literally got our year extended because the school changed when we goto the next year, and we have an entire extra term for everything, but noooo we still have to do work during the fucking break like bitch wtf??!? sorry for the rant it’s 5am and I can’t sleep and I just need to write my frustrations down",3 "It really doesn't seem like it. It feels like I'd have to find someone else with high functioning autism and that's like finding a needle in a haystack. The thing is that I'm attractive, I take care of myself, but as soon as it comes time to ""make a move"" I just freeze and can't get a single word out of my mouth. The last chance I had at a relationship, we ended up in bed and the girl even took all her clothes off and I STILL couldn't make a move. And she's one of the most beautiful girls I've met. What's wrong with me? We were drunk so it felt wrong, but I think that's more of an excuse I tell myself than a real reason why I didn't do anything. That was my one chance at a legitimate relationship and it just came crashing down the day after. I've had plenty of online relationships but I've never had a single real life relationship and it's starting to dawn on me that I probably won't ever function in a romantic relationship. Hell, I can barely even function in a normal friendship at that. Give me some stories about how you met the right one and all this cute crap because I desperately need it right now.",3 "Hello first time posting here. I’ve been in therapy for two years now, also have done EMDR for my trauma (sexual assault). I feel like I’m finally out of the ‘fog’ that has been these past two years. I feel great, more energized, and more social. However, my trauma is still going to be with me and a constant reminder as it has gone to legal levels. So very two months or so, I get a phone call waiting to hear if I have to testify in court. The week leading up to the call, I get angry. Distant from my loved ones/friends. I get cruel at some points. I know what’s going on and I apologize every time but I feel sick. I’ve talked to my therapist about how I can cope when this happens but it’s like I shut down. I already try meditation, butterfly hug, using my senses. Nothing helps me break out of my rage. Any tips?",3 "I've seen others post this sentiment, but I appreciate all of you. Thank you for helping me help myself, for the opportunity to maybe help one of y'all. It's awfully hard, isn't it? Let's appreciate us. Take note of this good, positive thing you have. Thank you",3 "i was watching a video about the autism challenge and it brought back memorys from primary school people used to come up to me and do this arm movement that was ment to mock desabled people i was talking to my parents about this (they are all ignorent of my obvious aspergers dispite the fact my dad studyd theyripy) i couldnt bring my self to mention this aparently this was normal behavior",3 "So it's been a year and half almost since I've been out of school. I've been smoking, drinking and doing other drugs and that has filled the void of being at home all the time. But recently since I've been a break from drugs for 2 days I realized that I have lost alot of my friendships or have distanced from them some have been my fault since I am sensitive sometimes or have not texted them in a bit. And now it feels like I have lost my social skills. I can't hold a conversation without it being akward. And that thought of having no friends or social skills puts me in a bad place. I want help on how to hold and start a conversation. Can y'all give me advice I don't want to be alone anymore. I want t know of I should also try and rebuild any friendships or if I should move on.",3 "I absolutely hate that ADHD is what is wrong with my brain, and not because I am ashamed of it but because there is a stigma around ADHD. Anytime you have your ADHD symptoms flare up and your family, friends, or significant other are on your back about why you did or didn't do something and you say its because of your ADHD they look at you like your stupid. Like you have complete control over all of this and ADHD is just an excuse, you are just lazy. Yet if I was Bi polar or Autistic then they would understand. I have had countless arguments with my husband because I don't do things in the timely manner that he would or I don't notice things like he does (Like how the floorboards are dirty and need to be cleaned 😑) After I was diagnosed it got better and I told him why I did what I did and that when I had my brain scan done it actually showed that I process things 50% slower than the average person (Not that I am dumb it just takes my brain longer to process what I am looking at). I told him I don't see things like him, I don't look at dishes in the sink and I go ""Oh let me put those away now"". I look at them and go (God those look terrible, I really need to do those later), and I either forget or by the time I go to do them he has already done it. I told him if he notices something then to tell me like ""Hey, the floor boards are really dirty in the kitchen, when are cleaning this weekend can you wipe them down?"". But he said he doesn't feel that is his job to tell me.... so it is apparently easier for him to do all the things himself and then yell at me later. Sorry for the rant I am just so frustrated with people looking at me like I am just making excuses when I say I have ADHD. I feel stupid when telling people I have ADHD because they don't see it as a real problem. They don't accept you have a real issue and work with you, they just work around you and yell at you for it.",0 "Have been taking 10mg for almost a year now. After I increased the dose about a month ago, I have been having weird dull headaches, my stomach is sensitive, I feel super down, I am tired, and I feel unmotivated to do anything. Is this normal? Is Lexapro just not for me anymore?",2 I have ptsd. and sometimes at night I would say 8/10 times I will wake up and jump out of bed and run to the door gasping for air. At first it scared me so much that I would have a panic attack but now I just catch my breath and feel like shit after. I feel like I’m alone on this why do I do it? It feels so awful. (I don’t have sleep apnea I got tested) when it happens I can never remember my dreams but I don’t think it’s nightmares.,3 "When I’m depressed, I stay silent. Unless there’s a very good reason to talk, I keep my thoughts to myself and even when I do speak, it’s in as few words as possible. I give nothing away. When I’m angry I have focus and drive and I don’t take shit from anyone, in fact I actively punish people who fuck with me. I don’t do anything I don’t want to do and don’t give a shit what people think of me cause I don’t need them for anything. I like myself in both of those states. I keep to myself and I never end up regretting the things I say or do. But when I’m happy it’s like I’m a different person. I hate that person. I get self conscious and make concessions for other people as a result, I overshare and tell people things I’d never want them to know about me and immediately regret it every time, I just lose all the things about myself I’ve learned to do right over the years, all the things I actually like about myself. It’s like having my brain hijacked. And people who see my like that get fooled into thinking that’s who I actually am and they expect it all the time even though most of the time, that’s not me at all and I don’t even understand that person. And because I’m not me at those times, I guess I make people think I actually want friends and then they get confused and blame me when I don’t want to hang out and I secretly just want them to fuck off (which I guess *is* my fault). I just hate being happy, I hate who I become and I wish I could somehow guarantee I’d never turn into that person ever again.",3 "So sometimes when i'm alone, usually watching tv i may start to bite my fingers and the palm/wrist, i'm not biting hard enough to cause any damage, but i'm just curious if anyone does this too",3 "Sitting at work and for the full day thinking of all the things i’m gonna do when i get home (watch a certain movie, research a certain topic. etc.) but then never following through. Not even just forgetting what it was i wanted to do but often just not being bothered to do it, and ending up just sitting on my phone or playing the same game over again.",0 "So I had been experiencing side effects from Prozac the last two nights when the doctor upped the dose from 10mg to 20mg, so after asking him, decided to go back to 10mg, but I had all the pills in the week-numbered pill container box and carefully transferred back the 20mg pills back into the original container and left the blood pressure medicine in the pill container. I made sure to only take 1 blood pressure pill a few moments ago and looked at the pill closely before taking it, making sure I wasn’t taking Prozac. I was thinking of taking a picture just in case, but figured that was ocd behavior and maybe I should try to resist it. Now I’m worrying myself right now wondering if I took the right medication or whatever. I did right down in a note the words written on the bp pill I took. Now I’m worrying myself sick, but I remember taking a close look at the pill before I took it :/",1 "I’m 16 and for the past few years I’ve been struggling with what I think is OCD. It all started when I was like 12 or 13. It started with me getting really obsessive over how my character in video games would look and it never seemed to look right and I would spend all day trying to get rid of that feeling and just wasting my time. At this point I had no idea that was OCD. A bit after this time I found that watching YouTube, a movie, or anything on TV I wouldn’t be able to focus and I would be thinking about a small thing that was bothering me, like the position of the computer mouse or the position of the tv remote or what shirt I had on, little tiny things that would occupy my mind so much. After I realized this it made me feel bad and that I couldn’t truly enjoy the experience of these things because my mind was occupied. Up to now, I still struggle with things like this, only way worse. Every day I spend way too long deciding what I want to wear to school. I’ll just sit there trying to think about what shirt or pants I could wear that wouldn’t bother me all day. Eventually I pick one and then it proceeds to be on my mind throughout the whole day anyway. Small things like this on my mind make me feel terrible and they’re truly on my mind 24/7, even when I’m relaxing or having fun with friends there’s always something in my mind saying somethings off, like what I’m wearing or what shoes I have on or whether or not I have to use the bathroom. The bathroom thing sometimes causes me to go to the bathroom and try to pee over and over again even though i can’t at all. It just feels like I need to get everything out but I can’t so I keep trying. When things like this are on my mind it clouds my thoughts and I can’t think properly. I get anxious when I’m about to meet with friends sometimes because I don’t know what I’m gonna say to them and I feel like they’re gonna lose interest in me because I won’t have a conversation with them properly. As of lately I’ve been thinking about all these things and I don’t know why but it feels like everything I’ve been through the past while has been clouded by these OCD thoughts and I truly haven’t enjoyed a single moment in so long. I start worrying about the future and the rest of my life every day because I feel like all the important moments are gonna be drowned out by a random thought that just keeps showing up in my head over and over and I can never feel comfortable physically or in my mind. It always seems like the best or most fun moments in my life are affected the worst because my brain targets them and any moment I’m having a good time my brain reminds itself that I have OCD to worry about. It just feels hopeless and even though I’m only 16 I feel like I’ve wasted so much time and I want to change it. I wanna live the rest of my life free from these thoughts and just be normal. I don’t know what to do.",1 "So tmrw I have a camp out at school. I’m so worried that because I won’t Be able to talk or ring my boyfriend when he’s home from work that he might get bored and do something stupid. When we were about 15 he spoke to other girls behind my back and has also watched porn behind my back. I know he wouldn’t now but I’m debating whether to go to the camp out cos my mind is convincing me he may get bored and talk to other girls or watch porn. I know it sounds stupid and people just say ‘oh break up then’ but I really need advice on what to do about this thought. Should I go to the camp out? My boyfriend gets so upset still now 3 years on about his mistakes snd always tells me how sorry he is for everything and how much he loves me. But I’m still paranoid about it happening again.",1 "Hi, I have a lot of somatic symptoms, many of them unexplained apparently. I get weird sensations in my arms and parts of my feet, pains in my face, terrible feelings of cold (despite wearing many layers), awful back pain that moves up and tightens my chest and neck, etc. These somatic symptoms freak me out (because I don't know what they are) and new ones emerge when I go on new medications that are supposed to control the other ones. So I've become obsessed with them. Some days I spend hours googling them and freaking myself out more about what the symptoms could mean. Anyhow, I tried meditation but focused on my breath makes me breathe even harder and focusing on my body again triggers my bodily worries. Walking sometimes helps and can be distracting but the weather where I live is pretty bad and I have other health issues so can't really do it often. If you also have somatic symptoms, what has helped you? Thank you.",3 "This is just driving me insane at this point, about 2 years ago i made a post on r/offmychest on another account about how scared i am of becoming a murderer one day and the majority of the comments i got there were just.. you probably have ocd and all that or it's probably just a weird fantasy you might have. That didn't really help because 2 years later i'm still here panicking about it. I feel like a very sick person because of it. It even got to a point where i watched some creepy documentaries about serial killers and started comparing myself to them.. thinking about it like..oh yea i also did that when i was 10 or oh i also have anxiety issues, why do we have that in common?... etc To clarify why this bothers me so much, when i usually go to the store for example .. i'll often think to myself.. 'what would happen if i stabbed someone' And then later on have an entire episode where i freak out about it because i'm just constantly thinking to myself ""why tf did i just think about THAT"" I don't ever wanna hurt someone but having these random things pop up in my head makes me worry... what if i eventually become a murderer, is that how those things usually start? It's come to a point where i'm always gonna worry about something and even think to myself 'why do people even trust me' I don't feel normal...this definitely doesn't feel normal and i don't know how to get my mind off it.",1 "I'm convinced that he's better off without me. I'm just so fucking useless. I don't grieve the same, I get it. But that doesn't stop me from feeling hurt, lonely. What am I working for? A better future for us? Is that just me being delusional? I don't know anything anymore. I'm nothing. A whisper until I'm not.",2 "Hi to anyone who sees this i guess. so i’m here because my therapist said i might find some support or advice and i’m getting desperate for something. i just don’t know what to do anymore it’s a struggle to just get outside or even just to be motivated to do typical things. like i haven’t plated any food in months because if i do it someone’s gonna die, i can’t get to school on time because what if a closet isn’t closed or the door isn’t locked, i don’t wanna be in school because there are germs everywhere, everyone is too loud, the work is too hard, i’m being needy, i should just drop out, everyone is looking at me, please don’t talk to me, just shut up, push him out a window, shove her finger in a pencil sharpener, stab their eyes with a pencil, choke them to death, i don’t have anymore friends, and i literally don’t know what to do anymore. i’m taking so much medication, therapy, doing the small steps, but i can’t look forward, there’s no motivation left, i’ve seen the physiatrist, told myself all thoughts are just thoughts one donesnt carry more weight than the other! i’m just doing so much and don’t wanna push anymore, i’m tired of school, of trying, of stressing about my future but there’s nothing i wanna do so why bother with school? i have seemed to try anything that i can but nothing is working and i don’t know what this is gonna achieve but if you’re seeing i’m probably like you and you’re probably like me. So do any of you have any advice?",1 Whenever I listen to music it really makes me remember a person or situation and then I avoid that song when it used to be one of the many I liked listening to,2 "So, for some context, I am a teen, and in my country we are expected to get it soon, it's not a legal thing, but we are heavily advised too. My mother and father are vaccinated, and I have already had COVID, but never needed any serious help. A big part of my OCD is severe paranoia, especially about things like this, my family are well aware of this, because I have a long history of these issues, and as of recent, some of my paranoia is about the vaccine. I have a tendency to notice patterns very well, but it often works against me, where I notice patterns that are not there. My OCD issues lie with my thoughts on the vaccine- I fear it. It surprisingly doesn't have much to do with people ""radicalising"" me, it more lays with the amount of anti-misinformation stuff I have seen, and I guess it kinda makes me think the opposite, and as I began to dig around other parts of the internet with anti-vaxx stuff, it made me more paranoid. I've always had a fear of higher up entities and Government, and the little voice that always tells me to preform the compulsions implies that it is some sort of mind control weapon to enslave the population. I am usually quite a rational person, but the stress from this pandemic and change has really affected me. My family is fairly accepting of me not getting the vaccine, and I will try my best to protect them, I was wondering if anyone else has the same issue?",1 "// TW for mentions of gore, wounds, blood This shit has been terrorizing me for the past week and I need to vent about it. I keep seeing these ads on Youtube about podiatry. They have these terrible, graphic, bloody pictures on them that make me panicky and sick to my stomach. A big part of my OCD is not being able to get terrible images out of my head after I see them, thus leading to compulsions that I use to try and block out the images. They just keep recurring in my head and won’t go away no matter what. After seeing the pictures of wounds shown in these ads, I start to picture them on myself too and it’s terrible. I’ve tried reporting them on mobile but I can’t for some reason. I’ve tried to refresh several times to get the ads on desktop so I can report them on there, but they won’t show up there, only on mobile. So I can’t report these ads or even hide them. Turning off personalized ads hasn’t helped either. I sent feedback to Youtube through an email about the ads and haven’t gotten any kind of response or acknowledgment. Youtube mobile is what I use the most and there’s no adblock for it, so I keep seeing these fucking ads everywhere. Then the images stick in my head for hours and it’s torturous. I’ve broken down several times over the past week because of this and it’s horrible.",1 "Lately, I feel like I’m having a very hard time controlling my impulses, doing chores, or keeping to any kind of healthy routine. In the weekend, I’m on my phone all day, screentime says I’m at about 5.5 hours on the weekend. I’m also starting up really late, weekends and weekdays. My biggest problem, though, is that I’ve been staying at work crazy late. If I really get into something, I just feel compelled to keep digging into it, even though it torpedos my routine. Last week, I stayed till 2 am one night working on a document. Yesterday, I stayed till 11:30 pm building a prototype (I’m a mechanical engineer). Occasionally, it’s because I’m feeling good that day and staying late is capitalizing on some energy I found. A lot of the time, though, I just feel terrible while I’m doing it and it’s just compulsive. After a while at night I get super annoyed and impatient (like not wanting to walk back to the shop for the right tools and I end up jamming my finger on something as a result), I start making mistakes, and I feel really weird being the only person in the building. I really don’t like doing this. It’s a combination of feeling afraid of looking incompetent when other people are around, working on things that aren’t important that people might judge me for, obsession with the projects I’m working on, and feeling like I don’t get enough done during the day because I get in late and often have trouble focusing. This has sort of turned into a vent post, but any advice or encouragement is appreciated. I just feel like i don’t have a lot of control over my impulses lately, and it’s a scary feeling.",0 "Recently I started my internship as a therapist in a center for drug and alcohol addiction. But my main trigger is precisely Authority. When I arrived, there was this situation where I was blamed for something I didn't do... When my supervisor, the technician and the other therapist confronted me about it, couldn't help but feel attacked, cornered and defenseless. One of them made me feel vulnerable and small and weak, and I couldn't help it. I never said anything. Later, when I tried to open to my other colleagues, they responded with ""you can't be like that, in life there will be situations that will require you being brave and push through all. You can't let the past bring you down"". I did not felt listened or calm after that. Made me feel that I'm exaggerating, or that I should push through... But the sickness isn't going anywhere. I feel sick while trying to pretend there's nothing wrong. Feel sick while doing my job, shaking silently in fear I'll screw up. Feeling worthless that no matter what I do, I don't feel better, and I SHOULD feel better because it's part of overcoming trauma and I feel that physically I can't, so that makes me unfit, a mess and that I don't deserve to make the effort. I tried talking to my supervisor in a last resort kind of effort, explaining my feelings after a chat with a technician that suggested a change of internship... The line that has me shaking in absolute horror is ""I spoke to the technician and she has a different version of the conversation"". I don't know what to do. I feel like a major screw-up, and I can't feel better in any way, shape or form. Suggestions anyone?",3 "Not necessarily hallucinations, but seeing it in your mind's eye. Especially at night when I'm trying to fall asleep. I'll see him distorted into a monstrosity. Glaring, evil eyes and a contorted grin with fangs. Almost like a gargoyle. I know he's not there, but I still panic because I think he's going to hurt me. Sometimes it'll happen during the day and I'll have debilitating waking nightmares. Luckily my boyfriend is usually there to talk to me and keep me calm, and they eventually pass, leaving me exhausted. Does anyone else experience this, and what do you do when it happens?",3 "does anyone else do this ? i think it’s tied to my ASD, whether i never was programmed to mix and match things better in my life… but i don’t do it as a defense mechanism. i compartmentalize everything in my life from the beginning. friends, finances, problems. not that i ignore emergent situational but i scale them (if that makes sense) as to when they should be addressed. for example, i have been trading stocks within recent years and my mom has done my taxes- i had some gaines but 2019 i did not file a 1099 correctly and the IRS said i owed 12,000$. i didn’t care much because i knew paying an accountant would get it resolved- and i owed 2$ instead. all of my friends made such a big deal of it and my mom wouldn’t even open the letter at my house when i asked her to (i work 13 hour shifts) because of the legality.",3 I feel like the only reason I’m still here is because of my family but they might be the root of my sadness. Don’t know what to do at 19 years old my life is set for failure and/or mediocracy. Don’t know what to do anymore just lost.,2 "So I’m 20 F, diagnosed with ADHD in July. I’m on Adderall & ive been Seeing my FWB for about 6 months. We used to be very physically affectionate all of the time, we would have sex almost everyday multiple times a day. Since getting on meds, my need for affection has gone through the roof, while hers has gone down. I’ve backed off a ton but it’s like I’m horny ALL THE TIME but most of the time I don’t want sex??? Sometimes I think about and I really just want the physical touch and for someone to pay attention to me for a little while. Does this happen to anyone else???",0 "TL;DR: I need tips to rock my medical school interview and not let my ADHD brain get in the way! Guys, I need help. I have an interview for medical school on Thursday (WOOHOO!) and I am STRESSED. I got an interview last year and didn't end up getting a spot. In my feedback session, they told me that I seemed ""lost"" during my interview and it was a major thing that kept me from getting in. There is no way for me to know what I am going to be asked so I can only prep so much. I'm still trying to figure out my meds and it is impossible to focus and sort through the questions that I am being asked while I answer. I tend to pause in the middle of sentences in normal life to recollect my thoughts, let alone in incredibly stressful and important situations. Does anybody have any tips to help me put my best foot forward and rock my interview? Thanks for your help!",0 "Hey everyone, been caffeine-free for 2 months (no coffee, no tea), my pure OCD (intrusive thoughts and intrusive fears) got worse to the extent I can not be alone at home, I constantly need someone beside me, I have several panic attacks every day. Being caffeine-free presumes that anxiety disorders should get better, why I am feeling worse?",1 "Like look here buddy… you don’t even want to know so stop asking me. I never hesitate to tell them how I truly feel either that’s why they need to seriously stop asking me, cause I’m not bout to spread no fake positive energy when I don’t even feel that way. Smh",2 "sorry for the format, I'm on mobile. I had an appointment with a new therapist today. after being in and out of in-patient psychiatric treatment and outpatient therapy since I was 11 years old, I've accumulated, grown beyond, healed, and discovered a fluctuating list of labels. bpd, PTSD, bipolar, ocd, etc, etc. my new therapist clearly hadn't read my case notes today as when I mentioned my struggles with ocd, she laughed and said, ""oh do you self diagnose?"" for context, I was screened for ocd by my last therapist and by connecting the dots of my experiences, we realized much of my daily anxiety is inherently tied to my ocd. she properly diagnosed me and then had to leave the practice a few weeks later before we could discuss treatment. so when my new therapist laughed at my diagnosis, which has caused me to cut myself, debate suicide to avoid dealing with it, go days without eating, go longer without sleeping - I couldn't help but realize that this is the reality self diagnosing and fake disorder enablers are creating. a reality where the people who do genuinely suffer, suffer more from worsened stigma and a lack of resources that are being distributed to people who don't need them. it makes me sick, and very very scared.",1 "I’d rather something more academic than flashy/animated so she can grasp the seriousness. I remember a power point done by a white psychologist(?) dude I found on YouTube that was fantastic, thorough and empathetic. If anyone knows what I am referring to or has other suggestions I’d love to know. I just know she sees me as a failure and thus herself and it kills me. Causes so many arguments over shit I should be able to handle as an adult but am awful at. I think if she got more perspective on my problems she’d feel better about herself and give her more tips on how to help me better",0 "So I just had the most fucking terrifying nightmare in probably years. I haven't had sensory overload in years so I guess my sleeping brain decided to traumatize me. Went to use my bass first thing in what I believed to be the morning, amp was way too loud. Tried to turn it off but it just got even louder. Freaked me the hell out bc I knew it was going to wake everyone. Next thing I know in the dream I am cowering in a corner and being beaten with an aux cord. What the actual fuck brain. That's unbelievably traumatic why the fuck would you come up with that. Has anyone else had a nightmare like this?",3 "I think I'm mean towards them, a lot of times for no reason. I wish I could distance myself from them just to take a break and let things boils down but I can't...",2 "The thought of tomorrow’s struggle is soul crushing. How will I ever face the day? Well I guess I got up today and yesterday, so I’ll probably just do it again tomorrow. What will change? What will I do that day to make the next not seem so bad? It’s not impossible. I don’t have the answers yet, but I’ll get some rest and figure it out tomorrow.",2 I recently went off medication because besides benzo’s nothing was working. I have a history of substance abuse so I had to admit my powerlessness and remove the benzos from my home. It wouldn’t have taken long for me to go off prescription. I have experience sever anxiety and recently bouts of rage. My anxiety can start at anytime but often when I am around people I get panic attacks. When I feel rage I just wanted to hurt someone verbally and physically. It only came to verbal abuse recently and I almost hurt my dog. Feel so ashamed because of it. My emotions are just up and down from feeling nothing to sever anxiety to rage and anger. Treatment doesn’t seem to help. Hoping to hear from others about your experiences living with PTSD and what did you find that has helped you?,3 "I had a flare up at the end of November and since then, things have been real tough! My intrusive thoughts keep swapping and changing and coming back. I am sick of it. It’s like I can’t think rationally and I’m scared I’ll be stuck like this now. I know it’s just the ocd scaring me into believing things but I’m exhausted. I keep getting a rush of adrenaline every time I get a thought. I’m already on 150mg sertraline and it doesn’t seem to be helping to the extent I need it to Just a little rant",1 "I saw another specialist today who told me ""you need mental health help"". It's almost become a mantra from every person I see. This specialist advised I do self care, relax, along with speaking to a therapist. She actually asked me what I liked to do I explained to her I haven't enjoyed anything in years. I wake up everyday to a world where I'm worthless and the only people who will be in my life are paid. Telling me to relax is like a cruel joke. Just typing the words I am shaking all over because I don't even know where to start. They say to breath they say 'find a safe place'. But what do you do when there is no safe place? When you breath out and you and all the fucking problems still exist? What are you supposed to do? I started back to therapy almost a year ago next week. I've been in an out of therapy since I was 12 and nothing helps. I know I am the issue in my life. Everyone I see and meet points it out to me regularly. I've started hitting myself in private with my first and pulling my hair out because I know if I cut myself they will put me away. I can't lose my job. But I am so horrible an everything I do is just shit. I get angry just seeing myself and knowing how I've ruined my life. I Ruin Everything.",2 "Please forgive any spealing mistakes, english is not my First language. Hello everyone, how are you all ? So for the past month i would say i've been hanging out with some people that i met on a public discord server, It's was mostly fun speaking with them but at the same time It was frustrating and awkward, i don't know how to explain this but for most of the time it was like i wasn't in synthony with them, but anyways some time after i created a private discord server just to us, in the beginning it was normal but with time they started to distance themselves from me, my guess is that they did that because of a dumb joke of mine in wich i took roles from the server members for fun, and yes i know that is Dumb and that may be the reason why they hate me but i never did that to anger someone or to cause unecessary beef, so much that after some time i always gave back the roles to them, but anyways after some time some of the members started leaving the server, they never responded to why they were leaving the server or gave very vague answers to why, but anyways after some time one of the ex members of the group invited me to his private server where all of my ""friends"" were, and after like one day i was already banned from that server, and the funniest thing is that i didn't do literally anything there, i did not write anything, i didn't enter in any calls and didn't use any of the bots on the server, and the best thing is now all of those people are ghostin me, they don't answer me they didn't unban me they are just acting like i never existed, but for me the most interesting thing is that i dont know how to feel about this, i know that i should feel sad or angry about this but at The same time i feel so relieved from this, like something huge just got out of my back, and the only ""bad"" part is that i don't know what to do now, should i try to contact them ? Should i just forget them ? Can you guys give me some hints ? Oh and btw i know this was a weird vent of mine and i don't even know If this post fits the rest of the SubReddit but if you guys could just give me a little help i would be very Grateful, thanks for reading.",3 "First I want to say thankyou to everyone who commented on my last post here, I didnt get the chance to reply, but it made my day and thank you so much for all the sweet encouraging words. Today I'm feeling really shaken up and depressed because a big thunderstorm last night triggered an intense panic attack. I'm terrified of fire, so when one hits close I get scared it will hit the building and it'll catch, or worse yet it'll just hit me. After it started every flash just sent me further into hyperventilating and panic. This was my first thunderstorm like that while living completely alone and I just feel so lonely now. My boyfriend was supposed to spend the night last night incidentally and had to cancel because he had work earlier than he thought and its just making me more upset. I was really bummed when he cancelled and when I realized I needed someone it just hurt and I dont know why. I just feel alone and some trauma I havent really sorted out yet is making it really hard to reach out and say everything I want to when I talk to him. I know I need to take it easy today and do something for myself but I have work and I just dont really know what to do.",3 "So I'm on Adderall IR. I've been very conservative with it up to now. I would only take it when I needed to do work that required focus and I was struggling. I would never take it on weekends. Sometimes I'd go a week or two without taking it. However, the last few weeks at work have been quite stressful and to keep up I've been taking 15mg every day. The weekend came and I decided to give my body a break from it. I'm really worried about becoming dependent on it and not being able to function without it as well as addiction. I'm also worried about building a tolerance to it and having to increase my dose constantly. This weekend however was really bad ADHD wise. I was scattered, anxious, couldn't sit still and relax. Couldn't really focus on things I enjoy. It got so bad that I popped a 5mg Adderall today (Sunday) after I flung a pair of magnifying lenses across the room because I screwed up something I was working on. So questions: 1) Do most people take their meds every day, including weekends? 2) If yes, how does this work out long term? Does the effect of the medication weaken and you have to keep upping the dose? 3) If you do have to keep upping the dose over the course of your life, what happens when you hit the max safe levels? 4) If you've been taking it for years and you stop, how bad is the withdrawal? 5) Is Adderall XR better for avoiding the stuff I'm worried about (withdrawal, addiction and tolerance)?",0 "Almost a full year ago, I was sexually assaulted and it’s taken a lot of hard work to come to terms with it and heal, and though I’ve come a very far way, obviously it’s still going to effect me no matter how “recovered” I seem to think I am. Its something I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life. Today, when talking to my boyfriend, he phrased his statement in away that caused me to have an emotional flashback of shame, self-hate, guilt, etc. Almost immediately. It brought me back to that moment when I felt responsible or hated even for what happened to me. I started crying because in my head I had to start chanting “it’s not your fault” and start soothing myself. But it caused me to (almost) lash out at my boyfriend even though I know he didn’t intend to make me feel that way, he just worded something a little.. unwisely. I had to take a few minutes to explain to him that I wasn’t mad or upset with him like it seemed, but that I was just having an emotional flashback and why and how his phrasing kind of triggered it. Neither of us blames the other for the situation and we’ll move past this in a way that will make our relationship and understanding eachother stronger. Afterwards, we both had a smoke to fully relax (yay legal marijuana 😍) and we’re both fine now. But it made me curious, when any of you have an emotional flashback during a conversation, how do you handle it during and afterwards? Do you explain as you’re calming down like I did, or do you have to separate yourself and come back later to explain things? How do YOU like to explain your flashbacks when they effect other people?",3 "I am writing this as I don't have anyone else to write it to and even if there is, I am sure they are sick and tired of my bullshit, I know I would. This has been going for such a long time it's hard to pinpoint when it started but it's definitely way worse this year, after a series of unfortunate events and hardships throughout it.I feel very empty and apathethic, and nothing gives me any joy anymore, not a single one of the few activities that I liked on this Earth. Every single assignment, chore and responsability just sucks the life out of me no matter how little it is. I've always thought of myself as being extremely lazy and I am to some extent, but it is so hard to bring myself to do almost anything and only recently I started considering that maybe it's not just laziness. My sleep schedule is trash as I usually go to sleep around 4-5 AM, but not because I can't fall sleep. Only these days I questioned my habit and I came to the answer that Ihe thought of the next day coming with it's work and responsabilities just disgusts me so much that I don't want it to start, I don't want the peaceful night to end. But it's always at night when I feel the worst and the loneliest. Interesting enough, throughout the day I have no trouble talking with friends, socializing, joking, laughing and doing various activities with them, but deep inside it's just not fulfilling me, nothing is. There is no goal I can think of that would me satisfy me once achieved and I have no motivation to do anything. It is eating away at me. It is hard to explain to anyone why I feel this way without any apparent reason. There are days when I know that a good cry would feel pretty good but I just can't, as I feel that I am more empty than sad. I feel tired, burned out and lost.",2 "My sleep, waking up is fight or flight. Normally ready to box someone, and just pissed off. This only happens when someone or thing wake me up. 2:00am wake up to an alarm. Black out in ""wtf"" mode, check my alarm clock. Then I realized it was my apartments fire alarm. From this point it was save who I care about apparantly, because I dont remember much. I assume I assessed the situation made sure the little old ladies that I care about were safe. Realized it was my homie whitey a 100 year old ww2 vet. He was cooking bacon for church. His apartment was full of smoke. I can handle breathing in smoke. it was full tunnel vision from there. I got him to fresh air, until his son showed up. The firefighters where phenomenal as always. But I could tell whitey was confused I stayed with him the whole time, cause he knows my face. Im sure without my sleeping issues I would have done the same, just not as fluent with my decision making.",3 "This post is mostly a call for some emotional support regarding a decision Im less than happy with. Background: I have been a vegetarian for ethical reasons for over four years now and have been on and off since I was a kid. No judgment to anyone who eats meat or animal products, but I don't. In the past this hasn't been connected to my OCD, but today it has been a LOT. My girlfriend and I recently moved to a new state and are furnishing an apartment mostly from scratch. The first week has been very difficult: home sickness, living in a big empty space with nowhere to sit, and spending lots of money. Over all (thanks to lots of prep in therapy) I have been handling it really well. But its progressively riled me up more and more as the days have gone on. We went to Ikea today and found a couch we liked. We were both really excited and bought it without checking if it was real leather or fake leather. I assumed it wasn't real because it was on the cheaper side ($1400 for a big-ish couch) and it was from Ikea. But turns out its a mix, cushions are real leather, the body is fake. And of course Ive been obsessing over it ever since. I have never been an all-or-nothing type of vegetarian, I understand that living in the real world means that sometimes we cant always make the most ethical decisions. But I cant stop thinking about how I am sitting on a leather couch when we could have gotten a fabric version of the same model for less money. To try and clear my conscience I gave some money to the MO humane society, but I am having a hard time imagining getting over this. My brain just won't let me relax. I am considering returning it, but she really likes it, and I know that returning it and exchanging it for another would be a huge hassle. And I know that this is mostly an obsessive issue for me, so idk if giving into it and returning the couch is the best option. Any support or advice from anyone would be greatly appreciated.",1 "Ihope am not gonna wake up tomorrow..idnt want to, am just tired.. It's crazy about how much idid share with strangers in the internet abt how i really feel, but never did irl.",2 "I keep obsessing over my past, getting intense anxiety and I just don't know how to get through it. Rumination doesn't work to get rid of the anxiety, neither does reassurance. I'm just stuck in constant anixety now and no complusions work. Please please, give me a success story. Mine is Real Event OCD.",1 "Everything is one big cycle all day everyday until I finally get a 2 day break to be depressed a more sad. I can’t do anything my studies are difficult, my hobbies are difficult and most importantly my romantic relationship is difficult. I’m always worried by the threat of my So cheating on me because it means I’m not good enough or any of the stupid ass scenarios I make up everyday not to mention worries of if I’m even loved or if we’ll last. I thought getting into a relationship would help with depression and it does to an extent with a purpose in life along with being less insecure as for me it makes my partner like a anti depressant making everything ok around her but it cranks my anxiety up super high. I just don’t think it always was supposed to be like this.",2 "i was with my abusive ex seven times in eight years. i finally got out may of this year. my brain is having a really hard time understanding how i could ever recover and heal and grow from eight years of trauma. so. please, tell me how you’ve changed from eight years ago to now. or what could happen eight years from now. i think this might be a good exercise for those, like myself, who struggle to realize how so many negative things can happen in x amount of time but also how so many positive things can happen in the same amount of time.",3 "Someone told me today that the LED light in one of their gaming mice irritates them with the frequency it emits and I've never been more understood by a person in my whole life. It's too easy to feel like you're all alone when you can't get anyone to understand. It was really nice to come across someone with whom for a few minutes I could have some common ground and not feel so weird and by myself.",0 "I’m a female in my 30’s. I have a diagnosis of PTSD (I suspect autism as well) after seeing a counselor who works with people who suffer from Trauma but she does NOT specialize in Autism and has a very ableist view on ASD. She told me trauma and autism symptoms are too similar but she thinks I’m not autistic because I can finish tasks and I have an artistic talent where I’m able to finish an art piece. Autistic couldn’t do those things, according to her. She claimed autistics avoid certain situations completely. So she is very uneducated. My trauma occurred in my childhood from being in a war. First I got extremely traumatized by a jet that flew right over my house while I was outside. Then months after I got locked in a child care facility and I injured both arms with cuts by breaking the glass doors to escape. This is about 30 years ago. I ‘outgrew’ the symptoms like nightmares and mutism before my teenage years. But I spent my whole life a loner, selective mutism, couldn’t show affection. Didn’t fit in groups. Hated any out of the ordinary events at school and team building. I was a day dreamer. Imagined relationships. Spent a lot of time drawing. But I still struggle with things that make me believe I could be on the autism spectrum and therefore had such a harsh traumatic response to a noise of a jet. Especially after my daughter got diagnosed with Autism. I started research and could relate. I didn’t know anything about Autism before that so I never bothered to find a reason for why I am the way I am. My parents never discussed mental health. But my father displays autistic traits as well. I’m looking for some advice and I would like to know if someone who has been exclusively diagnosed with PTSD or C-PTSD can relate to my traits/symptoms. I can’t call my husband by his first name. Not once in 16 years. I can’t call my parents mom and dad. I can’t call my husbands parents by name or make proper eye contact. This weighs heavily on me. There’s a couple words I don’t say say in front of my husband. Weird, I know. I feel uncomfortable returning hugs and never initiate them. I can’t show affection. Uncomfortable about eye contact. Family gatherings or any change in my daily routine gives me extreme anxiety. I can’t eat, I shake and get headaches. I have no friends. Don’t do small talk well. I can’t always read if I’m welcomed. If someone is tired, annoyed or upset. My special interest I had since early childhood I get a lot of positive feedback for but it causes often distress due to my perfectionism issues. When I have to finish something I forget time, my basic needs and that’s very draining at times. I put my all into it. Very detail oriented. I’ve always had one narrow specific subject. I have no career even though I wasn’t a bad student. Got laid off for being too slow and in my thoughts. Bad at verbal commands. I am very sensitive to bright lights, loud noises like tv and everyone talking at once. And severe aversions to synthetic smells. I always overthink, second guess, remorse over everything and can’t let things go. I am bad at regulating my emotions. I have a lot of fears still like worries about my kids. I am shocked easily and all that. So I do have ptsd, no doubt. But all these other issues. Not looking for a diagnosis here. But are those all common PTSD problems? Also I am generally a happy person despite all those problems I have. I am happily married and have amazing children. My second born was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 2. So, do people who suffer from PTSD live a fairly relaxed and happy life or are you completely alert and on your toes all the time? I’m desperately trying to distinguish these things since I didn’t get a chance to see a real neuropsychologist yet.",3 im never hungry anymore. i feel sick all the time. ive barely eaten anything today but i just took a few bites and i just physically cant eat anymore. can this be because of my ptsd? anybody else experience this?,3 "Guys if you had OCD for a long time , have you ever noticed that your other day to day life decisions are effected? Whenever I need to take a decision I always start doubting myself and start thinking about that subject like crazy even though that's not part of my OCD. other examples are if i watched an important video, i will constantly revisit it after a few minutes multiple times even though I fully remember the content. This kind of stuff is annoying and isn't as detrimental as other Intrusive thoughts i have, but do you think they are cause by the OCD?",1 " My upper teeth have shattered like glass and are currently rotting into my upper skull and nasal cavity. I lost everything to hurricane ida. Fema refused me, government aid turned me down, dentist refuses to see me without being able to pay... I've been unemployed since the Covid-19 outbreak. I lost unemployment benefits when louisiana stopped them in june 2021. I have no family, no friends, no one to help me due to being in a near suicidal depression since 2003. I cant even see a therapist to help with that. I've tried reaching out to anyone/everyone, including celebrities and musicians. all my cries for help have gone ignored. I will die of sepsis within a few months if i cannot receive aid for treatments. I went to the ER and was immediately thrown out, being told to see a dentist. I'm out of options and low on time. It seems like this world wants me to die. I already dont exist to anyone... someone please... help...",2 "Hi all! I wasn't sure how better to phrase the title, but what I'm trying to ask is does taking a stimulant make your ADHD worse when you're not on it? I was watching a PsychedSubstance video on YouTube and he (while yes, I know this isn't the best source, but it gave me a curiosity for the concept) mentioned how his ADHD got worse when he wasn't medicated, after he had taken it for the first time, IIRC. Is this a thing? I tried to do some research but didn't know what to search for. Any key words for a google search, sources/articles, or otherwise (preferably cited, though I'm open to anecdotal) input would be greatly appreciated!",0 I’m trying to not mask my adhd symptoms anymore so I am more honest with people about who I am. The problem is that when I do this I tend to immediately tell them very personal things about myself such as the meds I’m on. Growing up my mom always criticized the way I talked to people and I think this has contributed greatly to my anxiety. She always told me that it would be weird to share certain things with others and it just never made sense to me. I have a friend I’m not very close to who told me she goes to therapy. My mom would find it very odd to disclose to people you’re not very close to that you go to therapy. I don’t see what’s so wrong in that so do I just not get something that others do? I’m questioning the entire way I was brought up.,0 "I have for the longest time now been suspecting that I have ADHD but never was diagnosed about it just yet. I have appointments to do that next month, obviously, but yeah. It is what it is for now. A reason (among other ten thousand other reasons) I think I have ADHD is that I have a very bad time-management issue. Many times I've been late to important appointments, and also many times I have missed out on important dates like my final exams in schools and what not. Anyway, today was my graduation party and we were having the local newspaper taking photos of the whole class. The party started at 1030 but I didn't know when the newspaper would come so me, living 30 mins away by walk from the venue, was at home getting ready. Around 1015 I thought I still have time to ride the bike because it takes only 15 minutes to there with it, I continued doing my make up, fixing myself up for the party. I got to the venue at 1045 or so, the picture was taken, everyone was already seated and started eating. All looking very surprised to see me being there. One asked when did I arrive because I was always late to class like 15 minutes or so. Then I went for a haircut which I impulsively booked the other day, and that costed a lot for a haircut I don't even like. I got home, I was a little bit annoyed by missing out on the photo thing, but I continued with my day. But now I'm actually very sad about this and it makes me think a lot about my life. I actually missed out having a memory taken photographically because I cannot make it on time for anything to save the damn life of me. I mean, it is just a photo I guess, but since I work with patients who have dementia - photographs are important, super important. I'd like to be able to look at this newspaper article, with my face one day, and say, ""Hey, look, despites all the odds of being late to everything and missing deadlines, I actually managed to finish that education!"" It was supposed to be a very good and happy day... But, no. I messed it up. I'm super depressed now actually. I feel really sad. I cannot get rid of this feeling and thought either and so I've become annoyed and irritated with everything because I am so focused on me missing out on this. :-(",0 "I'm a massive overthinker and it's really gotten worse the last few years but it has always been there. The times when I don't overthink are the times when I do the best creatively, academically and also emotionally. DAE overthink here?",3 "Hi all, Diagnosed with PTSD and Major Depressive Disorder. Have any of you had tingling in your hands or feet, cramping or numbness? I haven't tried any meds for anything as of yet but, I am considering CBD oil. Thanks for any input.",3 "So in a lot of social skills training... it's like: * If they're angry they'll show this and that. * If they happy they'll do this and that... But in the DATING GAME, that's not how it works. It doesn't follow rules, it does follow the ""SKILLS"" playbook a lot of the time. * Women/men might say ""I hate you repeatedly"", when in fact they're not fighting. * Women/men play games. They might ignore you a bit. * Women/men could talk to you a lot, then ghost you. * They may ""insult you"", for fun, and then show you respect if you have the guts to insult them back playfully, and then be nice again. Apparently they call that ""**banter**"". * In the skills playbook it says ""If somethings up, text them again, some time later again"". But in the dating game, apparently that's the ""**Killer double text of insecurity""** * ***ALSOOO,.... DATING might be tiring, you might have autistic burnout.. but to someone dating you, they might think ... ""OH so they might not be so interested in me after all"".***",3 "Life is terrible cant focus to anyting, and this situation become even worse in the most important year of my life, I will fail, thats certain, but then? What will happen? become a robot or a homeless? İs there even a another option? I always wanted to be a animator but its a very hard and drawing the same scene again and again all day is so hard for focus, always get distracted by something and dont forget I give 0 guarantee about anyting, some days I become a really good worker, make smart and great stuff but times like this is rare, and mostly cant find motivation for work and of course mess up terribly, I am a idiotr who cant create creative stuff, focus to anyting, work with great productivity or anyting else good. I am simply not suitable for this life and totaly useless, Goodbye? Maybe.",0 "Ever since my traumatic event my favourite genre switched from horror to comedy over night. Its not just typical gore stuff either i can no loner watch, any psychological thrillers or anything eery with jump scares etc. I went from watching American Horror Story to My Little pony! I was telling my fiancé that that just kinda stuff isn't fun for me. It just scares me. He said ""they're scary, but it's a fun kinda fear, yknow?"" And I realised that I no longer feel that ""fun kinda fear"" anymore. Either I think I'm in immediate danger of impending mortal doom, or I don't. Huh. Anyone else?",3 HELP.. I’ve been having really bad ptsd attacks since before the corona virus isolation started but now its worse. and mom does quite understand them fully. Like I tried to explain I need her full attention when it happens like she can’t watch tv and ignore me and go on her phone because it makes me feel neglected and she just got mad and was like “i need something to do to I’m bored sitting here waiting for you to calm down” or “my life has been turned upside trying to help you it’s insulting when you say you’re not getting help” and she has done a lot for me and does legit everything by herself cause she’s a single parent and we’re poor. but I didn’t think that was asking too much I just need her when I panic but the more attacks I’m having the more I realize she will never be able to help me or fully understand. And that makes me really sad and feel alone but what else can I do. Absolutely nothing. Honestly it’s been really hard I keep wanting to self harm but ik that if I do it will make me worse so idk anymore.. um help ?,3 I’ve been struggling with depression for a while now (luckily I finally got to see a psychiatrist and my new medication seems to be helping!) and I work remotely as a graphic designer. I took off this past week because of thanksgiving and I realized I felt better. Obviously still depressed but I was able to take better care of myself and find a tiny bit of enjoyment. I am horrified to realize that I think my job is contributing negatively to my mental health and I’m dreading going back. I feel like I’ve lost my passion for this field and I feel like I’m doing a worse job. The need to be creative and then having my work constantly judged feels so crushing. Im not sure what to do to make things better and it’s especially painful given how much work and time I’ve put in to get to this place in my career. I don’t even know what I would do instead. If anyone has an advice or has had experience with this (especially in a creative field) it would be great to hear.,2 "I'm a 22 yo female. Sorry for the grammar mistakes, english is not my first language. I think I may have adhd, before the pandemic I had a lot of strategies that help me a lot in school and life in general but now after the pandemic I'm failing at online school and I can't seem to acomplish anything in my life. I feel like I'm always so over the place and I'm so stressed because I don't end or even start anything but I just can't help it. I've talk with some close people about me thinking I have adhd and no one believes me, everyone things I'm exagerating and that I probably don't have that but I tell you everyday i been struggling so so much. I told a friend of mine that studies psycology about my problem and that I wanted to go with someone that could help me know if I have adhd or not and she asked her teachers if they knew about someone and then gave me a number of a neurologist. Today I made an appointment, it's really expensive but I really want to know. As I said everyone takes it as a joke, literally no one believes me but I live so frustated and sad with my self for being like this. I sometimes feel like a weirdo. Today I also told one of my best friends that I made the appointment and she just said that she didn't think it was necessary and that she thinks I don't have that. I just want some support... I feel like I can't talk it with anyone because I feel like I'm bothering them...",0 "Everything It seems oka. But when you get too agitated about it, that person pulls back and pretends they don't know you and you suffer. And suffer suffer suffer again.",2 "Hi, so today I have been seeing a psychiatrist, and I told him about my suspicion that I have (inattentive) ADHD & my symptoms. What makes my case a bit tricky is that I was a really gifted kid with outstanding capabilities when it came to maths, logic & language. On top of that I had great coping mechanisms and I got through school pretty well despite never paying attention in class, having zero motivation, ... So after I had said everything, my psychiatrist told me:""You actually fit pretty well into the ADHD criteria, except for one thing: You function too well. If you actually had ADHD, there is no way you wouldn't have had to repeat a year in school, there's no way you wouldn't have had bad grades, there's no way your teachers wouldn't have called your parents ..."" Granted, he still sent me to ADHD testing, but in my city, there is rarely ADHD testing especially for adults. So I am afraid I run into the same statement again: ""You function too well."" I mean what do I say? I have seen countless people on here that became doctors and stuff despite having ADHD, but I don't think a professional will see statements from people on Reddit as an argument. How do I convince a psychologist/psychiatrist that I got through school thanks to being gifted & having good coping mechanisms, and make it clear to them that doesn't mean I don't have ADHD?",0 How many else have heard this phrase uttered again and again? Like it's up to us?,3 "I can’t cry. Even if I feel I want to. I’ve cried only for really really sad events in my life. I would love to cry sometimes, when I feel it. But I can’t. Do you have the same issue? Why it happens?",3 "But are they going to give me the energy to fight it? Are they going to provide the financial support while I try to find the right answer? Didn’t think so. I am currently juggling the decision because I’m so depressed I cannot mentally/physically continue my job, and without my job, I have no home or food. Without a home, without food, I might as well just do it now.",2 "I guess I have high functioning depression. I wake up early every morning work 10 hour shifts 5 days a week, come home cook enjoy dinner with my loving fiance, cuddle with our pets, catch up on Netflix. I dont have constant suicide thoughts anymore. I'm content with my life and where I'm at. I'm engaged, I have a great job that I like and enjoy, I have all the pets I have always wanted, I have a small office/craft space I was always wanted. I'm almost done paying of my first dealership car. I make good money. I have my own space that I rent with my fiance. I have everything I have worked so hard to achieve and yet I feel like I'm missing something? However there is times where I crave my depression episodes that I used to have. Ie: not showering for days just earing junk food and laying I the couch in the darkness as I wastched sad shows and cried and felt lonely and I felt like shit. Is it weird that I miss that? Idk I guess I might just have mommy issues. Idk",2 "I had a flare up of an intrusive thought I didn't think I could have. Before I left for therapy, I thought my place was going to explode if I left, I think it was because of a certain way I did the laundry, which wasn't the usual way. I'm not sure why but I thought that way but it subsided about halfway through therapy. I did have another thought about the door not being locked even though I locked it. I don't want to relapse any of my OCD symptoms at all. It's crazy to me that I had a really terrifying intrusive thought today. If I stayed home instead of going anywhere today, then my OCD would have won over me. It was still painful to have the thought in my head when I left for therapy. I don't think it should happen again.",1 "His PTSD and TBI, combined with alcoholism, has turned him into a man I do not recognize. We use to go hunting, fishing, camping and numerous other father-son activities. In the last four years, it’s changed. We constantly argue, never do activities or just talk without arguing. I miss the man he use to be. Within the past year alone I’ve caught him cheating on my mom, been called plenty of names, been blamed for his problems, and, most recently, bailed him out of jail. He’s constantly invalidates my feelings, saying how what I’ve experienced isn’t as bad as what he has experienced. It’s true, I haven’t been on a battlefield, but he said this to me two weeks after I found my grandfather who had bled out from an unidentified medical emergency. When I caught him cheating, he blamed everyone but him. Before he was arrested, he called me and told me how he wanted me to listen as he blew his brains out. He told me how much he hates me. Called me every name under the sun. I don’t know how I can deal with this much longer. I’m only 23 but often feel like I’m his father, not his son. I just wish I had my dad back.",3 "...That nobody truly liked you, thought you were bright or funny back in high school; and that all of your friends, staff members, aquantences and other colleagues were merely either patronizing you for being a retarded, inbecilic subhuman piece of waste, or laughing at you/sarcastically liking you through the entirety of your adolescence? I sure as fucking bloody hell do.",3 "I lie every time someone asks me if I am all right. I say yes. I know nobody means it, they just ask out of courtesy. But I wonder what if someone did asked me twice. Looking deep into my eyes if they ask me again if I am alright. How I would just break down there. Fall down to the floor to collect my broken pieces. It’s been long now. I don’t even want to collect them. What’s the use. Why build myself just to be broken down again. No motivation to wake up. Nothing to look forward to. Can’t focus on anything, without getting anxiety attacks. And something in my stomach eats me up from inside while my chest aches just below my heart cavity. And I push my face in pillow tears streaming down my face till they dry up. Anything triggers memories and the waterworks follow. Does anyone else also cry while they drive?",2 "A decade later and I just realized today how damaging being yelled at by my parents was. If my younger siblings cried, my parents would yell at me even if I was far away from my siblings and didn’t do anything to them. I stayed in my room often so I wouldn’t get in trouble for something they fabricated in their heads when my siblings cried. If I said the wrong thing, things were taken away, grounded, or I was met with a slap. I was a quiet child, I always tried my best to stay out of trouble. When my parents divorced, they both yelled or argued at me trying to convince me to be on their side and that the other parent was bad. Parents fought with yelling matches, one would be drunk and chase the other and fall on stairs, knock over dressers in anger. If I spoke back, no matter what I said they would get even more mad and even more louder. I blame them for why I’ve always felt like I have no voice and for why I freeze. Today my partner made plans with friends even though we already had plans together. I told him we already have plans and he got mad asking me “Should I call to cancel with them then?!” And I just couldn’t say a word. I felt almost like I was choking. I was trying not to cry or to move. I felt like ‘maybe if I say nothing he’ll stop.’ He kept asking me why I wasn’t saying anything and why I was ignoring him, that it was really annoying him. After maybe 30 minutes we were going where we had planned to go and I finally broke out of it and cried. We parked and he said we could sit there for however long I needed. I was able to start talking after I calmed down a bit and tried explaining how he was upsetting me and that if he accidentally makes other plans all he has to do is call his friends and apologize to them that he forgot he already had plans for today. He sometimes would speak in a tone that I perceived as an angry tone which made me cry again and I had a flash of how my parents would speak to me like that. I said “I wasn’t ignoring you. Idk what the term is but I think what’s been happening is I freeze when faced with an argument or yelling because of the paragraph above. He stopped and realized, apologizing a bunch. I’m glad he finally understands. All in all, how do you overcome a freeze response? I don’t have money for therapy.",3 "I was recently diagnosed with MDD and a binge eating disorder. I haven’t disclosed this to anyone besides my boyfriend, who has been very supportive of my mental health and understanding of my bad and good days. However, as a person who does not really have any other friends, I find it quite difficult to look forward to the following days. I am not open with my family, so they are not knowledgeable of me attending therapy or my diagnoses, which makes it kind of difficult as I’m struggling to pretend to be okay everyday until I’m able to decompress at night time when I’m by myself, therefore, it tends to hit harder. I lose sleep, over analyze, and wake up to work a 8-5 the following day. What are some ways that have worked for you guys to take care of yourself and help with falling asleep at night? I feel bad, because I rely on my boyfriend to help me during my depressive episodes at night. However, I recognize he is not my therapist, and try to be act okay with him at times too, which makes the depressive episodes harder as well.",2 "I will be having my appointment with an OCD therapist son and I want to ask for advice. Would it be wise to tell them my intrusive thoughts You know, the thoughts that are erotic, violent and such. I've read some posts about therapy helping a lot but some others said it didn't I'm very secretive with my thoughts, intentions, ambitions, etc and I want to open up to help others help me but I don't want it to back fire.",1 "I would love to hear suggestions on which supplements to take for anxiety/depression? Post-surgical trauma (January 2021) combined with an abusive ex-spouse (2010-2015) has left me with PTSD with a moderate level of anxiety 24/7. I was prescribed .5mg Klonopin (I only take a half pill at most, nightly) to get to- and through surgery – and the subsequent panic attacks that ensued nightly from mid January until about Mid-april. I was prescribed Lexapro 10mg around month 3 post op – and was warned several times by my MD that this may increase symptoms of anxiety for a bit. This was enough to terrify me; because there was NO way I could imagine them getting worse. I’ve only been taking 5mg per night, since. I have intrusive thoughts, think of worse case scenario in all situations, and just am a generally anxious person (I have been all my life). I am in therapy. I would like to know any/all suggestions for non-prescription supplements. Thank you all in advance.",3 I have contamination OCD and my main ritual is washing hands which is pretty basic... except I’m allergic to most soaps until I finally got a brand of soap I could use without having a terrible rash.... and then Covid happened and the soap was sold out for a few months my hands still haven’t completely recovered and I hate it (sorry for bad punctuation I’m lazy),1 "I’m high right now after having one of the worst / best weeks of my life. I say the worse because of situations that occurred, experiences that weren’t pursued. It occurred to me that I had the blues, which I described to myself as the music of depression. I say this because it talks about those situations that would get you into the blues. But enough of that. I seriously want to disappear and escape this life I’m living. To have a fresh reset off in another state. Another country! To be able to forget everything that used to be me. To close my eyes and wake up in a new place. It’s so dark right now and so many close to me are in that same dark place inside themselves. I think to myself, “will we all survive?, come out the other end of the pool?”. I’m going down, deep deep down.",2 "Over the years, I have read stats about our higher suicide and unemployment rates, lower life expectancy rates and our higher stress levels (all stats are) compared to neurotypicals. But, I am concern about blaming the spectrum for my mistakes and problems, as being high functioning means my ASD is prob just barely there (or am I underestimating how serious high functioning Autism can still be) Does the stats above about life expectancy and all that enough to convince my Asian families and friends that I do have struggles that are exclusively because of being in the spectrum and not just me having problems that barely exists?",3 "As a younger child I was diagnosed with aspergers. I'm currently in my junior year of high school, and I just moved across the country and this is my first year at my new school. Even at my old school, I didn't really have many friends. The friends I had were really just from a nearby daycare that lots of kids from my old district went to during the summer when we were younger, when it was so much easier even even someone like me to make friends. i'm worried about my social life and in turn well-being from having no friends now. I have tried alot, but starting conversation and maintaining it has always been impossibly difficult for me. I don't really know what to do, and the fear of life-long social-emotional solitude can really fuck me up sometimes.",3 "I was recently diagnosed and prescribed medication. I’ve struggled with diet and exercise my entire life. I can lose weight through diet alone, but I want to start exercising. I find it EXTREMELY difficult to find the motivation to do so though! I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome as well, so I can’t do high impact exercise like running or swimming. What’s helped you establish an exercise routine? Any suggestions on what to do?",0 "I'm currently staying at home and not wanting to leave the house (or my room, really) because of contamination OCD. Does anyone have ideas of things to do when you're bored that are 'safe' (aka encountering as little germs as possible) that aren't watching TV/movies or cleaning? Thanks!",1 " EDIT NEVER MIND GUYS I DONT WANNA KMS I LOVE LIFE ITS SO GREAATTT OMG GOMG OMG EVERYTHING IS SO GOOOD YOU WILL SEE THE LOGHT TA THE END OF THE TUNNEL I LOVE YOU PEOPLE LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE APPRECIATED BY MEEEE 💗💗💗",1 "What’s it like? I have OCD, just not pure o. I have compulsions and intrusive thoughts but for those of your with pure o do you mind just telling me a ur your experiences? Maybe like how do you think it compares to people with other forms of OCD?",1 "I was being ""confronted"" in a very loud and vocal way, but they would say it isn't yelling, but I would, but they say it wasn't so I'll say confronted. Loudly and harshly and a lot of pressure with repeated questions in a very intense way. The complaint itself wasn't a big deal but I struggled with the confrontation so much that I ended up not being able to speak, stammering my words, and shaking. They were ""confronting"" and getting more angry because I couldn't respond. I could not mentally think to respond with anything. I felt completely mentally blocked. After they were done, I was supposed to be cooking dinner but I instantly could not think or properly figure out how to cook dinner or just think at all, so I crouched down and covered my ears just to try to get some quiet so I could think and try to act normal. Edit: For the sake of background information, yes, I am an abuse survivor.",3 "Hello all, I (21F) have a friend (21F) who has just been freed from unspeakable abuse that I won’t discuss here, and has to deal with the ongoing aftermath. She is already going to therapy, which is great, but she needs a lot of outside support. I want to be able to help her, but most times I feel as if I’m making matters worse, rather than better. I would like some advice on how to support someone with ptsd without constantly triggering or upsetting them. I would like to mention that we live 5 hours apart, so I can’t physically see her right now, but will in the near future. I still want to support her from afar, however. In particular, I would like advice on these matters: 1. I feel as if I have to walk on eggshells in order to not say or do something upsetting. When I upset her, naturally, she wants to avoid me, which hurts my heart. What can I do to avoid triggers which I’m not even sure what all triggers her? 2. Lately she has been having bad flashbacks and anxiety. In her words, she would be in a ‘trance’ and stuck with these thoughts until an outside sound snapped her out of it. Is there any way I can help when she gets like this? Is there anything she can do? TIA.",3 I have a lot of substance abuse problems due to my compulsions and trying to live with them. I’m really excited and hopeful but also nervous for this appointment. Just writing this and knowing there are others who have gone through the same thing already helps. Thanks to you all.,1 "Its been a hard, long year of tiring, snails-pace progress of becoming happier. I still have bad days, most of mine arent great. Even though my paranoia is still very much intense, and I dont leave the house very often, Im finding that Im in such a different mindset from when I first left my abuser. Today, I baked some bread, brushed my teeth, and worked on my botanic self-study. Made myself lunch and dinner, and stayed active. I didnt finish cleaning my kitchen, I cried a lot, and spent more time watching YouTube than I should have. Im not even an adult yet but I feel like Ive learnt a lot of grown up sorts of lessons. My days arent perfect, but there were more happy moments today than there was a year ago. I hope everyone here takes every little step in the right direction, towards happiness, with a pat on the back. I understand how hard it is and hope you have some happy times soon.",3 "Hello, i‘ve been together with my girlfriend, who suffers of ptsd for the last several years of her life, for a little over a year now and I love her deeply and care very much for her and her well being. I’ve always been interested in the human psychology and what makes us do what we do, but to understand my girlfriend and her suffering I started reading and researching several books and studies regarding ptsd and the symptoms following but it always hurts me when get to the deeper end of the spectrum, because I always imagine her in these examples. But I still feel like i haven’t gotten to the point where i fully understand every aspect of the illness and what the best thing is that in can do in my Position. Do any of you know a way to learn more about it without always associating everything with my girlfriend ? Or any other helpful tips in my situation? I’d be thankful for any help Sorry for my English if anything is spelled weird, I’m no native.",3 "Hi! So, I do a lot of backtracking when I do compulsions. But I always hear about stuff like counting, washing hands, and doing things a certain amount of times. (I do some of those things too), but I never hear people talk about backtracking! Is it a common thing? Anyway, please respond!",1 "Does anyone here self-medicate with caffeine pills e.g. Vivarin? Is it sustainable and have you felt any side effects? I’m 22, working my way through a tough semester in college. If I don’t catch up with coursework soon I’m afraid suicidal ideas will get worse. I’ve tried different antidepressants but hated feeling mentally slower. I’m considering taking caffeine pills daily because coffee just isn’t enough anymore. Would appreciate any advice.",2 "I’m supposed to be getting the vaccine today but I’m scared af because I’ve convinced myself this is the start of the zombie apocalypse and I’ve I get it I’ll turn into a zombie in a few months. I know that sounds dumb as fuck but zombies have been an extreme fear of mine for years. Like I used to be so terrified of being attacked by a zombie that anytime I’d come home after dark I’d gather all my things and have my keys ready to put directly into the door , I practiced a lot so that it would only take me one try. I’d be sure to shut my car door as quite as I could then walk fast to the door. I wouldn’t lock my car until I was inside my house with the door locked so that the horn beeping wouldnt attract one to run over to me. And that if I needed to I’d be able to get back into my car quickly if a zombie appeared before I could make it into the house. I know it sounds idiotic but I can’t help my brain is still making me freak out about it. I wanna cancel my appointment but I feel like I can’t because my MIL made it for me and she works at the hospital and I don’t want to make her look bad or anything.",1 "Hi I’ve never posted before. I’m a teen girl with OCD (mostly pure o) and lately I’ve been kind of overthinking my sexual and romantic identity. I’ve been questioning for four years and nothing applies to me on any spectrum. The moment I actually land on something, I find a new piece of evidence that completely changes my point of view and I have to restart my soul-searching journey. I know I should just sit in the uncertainty but I've been doing that for four years and it's pretty awful. So as a questioning kid with ocd, I was wondering how do other people come to terms with their relationship and sexuality uncertainty in a world where there are so many labels that you can’t fit perfectly? Also another question: with this uncertainty, I question whether I'm aromatic, or whether it's my OCD and fear stopping me from feeling certain things in order to ""keep me in line"" and never hurt a possible partner. I don't mind being single but my OCD (maybe ADHD too if I have it idk) keeps fixating on my sexual and romantic life and it's so annoying because everything seems to constantly be contradicting itself. so yeah if any actual aro people with ocd have any advice let me know",1 "Since I've been diagnosed, getting treatment & therapy & meds 6mos ago, my familial relationships are crumbling away. I'm not playing the roles that have been expected of me my entire life. The old buttons they pushed don't work anymore. I'm happier & more content & self-confident than I've ever been. They're saying they don't understand what my problem is. We're mutually ghosting each other. Some are saying that I'm an asshole now. Thing is, I don't care how they feel, because they've never really cared how their actions affected me. Am I some kind of monster for finally standing up for myself & exercising self-care?",3 Um... Hi. I don't know where else to go to about this. i don't have anyone else to talk about it with. I've gone through quite a bit of things in the past and we don't know where to go. Somewhere where people can understand. Talking with a therapist is different. My PTSD has me feeling like i'm drowning and no matter how hard I try i can't seem to catch my breath. I don't know what this forum is exactly for but yeah... I figured I might as well give this a shot.,3 "**TL;DR:** How does a parent go about getting their adult/near-adult children (18M, 16F) diagnoses if they want them? **Context:** I'm a 44 year old US-based IT professional, husband, and father of two. I got my own ADHD diagnosis earlier this year, though I'd suspected I had it for several years prior to that. It took a solid year for me to navigate the mental health care system (such as it is) and graduate from my PCP saying ""you probably don't have ADHD, but here's some Adderall if you want to try it"" to a mental health professional saying ""you definitely have ADHD, talk to my peer over here who's a therapist and I'll manage your meds for you."" My mental health care provider organization does all of its action online right now - I have regular meetings with both my med manager and therapist via teleconference, and things are going fairly well for me. Getting ADHD diagnosis and treatment for an adult can be opaque and difficult, but there are ways for people to learn how to navigate the system (like r/ADHD!). Getting the same for a young child is a little easier since there are well-established systems for that in the US. (Not *much* easier, but at least there's a path.) My kids are in a bit of a gray area. Getting diagnosis and treatment for older teenagers feels ... really fraught, and I'd love some advice. **The problem (or opportunity!):** As I learned more about ADHD I started to see a lot of hallmark behaviors in my own teenaged kids. Their symptoms weren't/aren't dramatic or disruptive, which is probably why it never occurred to anyone (least of all us) that it was really a problem. I've never brought up ADHD with them in the context of ""you might have ADHD,"" but I do talk openly about my own diagnosis and treatment, and they are observant human beings. I think they see how things have changed for me for the better in the past year. They also have access to the internet and can do their own research re: symptoms, coping mechanisms, etc. My daughter (**16F**) talks openly with me about how this-or-that difficulty for her is an ADHD symptom. E.g., being intensely interested in a new career field for about a week and then discarding it, or wanting to do *everything* under the sun (sing professionally! work with AI! volunteer overseas!) and yet not actually pursuing those dreams. She excels at school, but only when it's interesting to her; every other ""useless"" high school thing is a dreadful, impossible task. I think she's essentially diagnosed herself, but she has said fairly clearly she's not interested in meds. My son (**18M**) asked me just yesterday how he could go about getting a diagnosis. He listed several behaviors that fit the bill: hyperfocus on stimulating pursuits, lack of engagement on things that are ""boring,"" impulsively cleaning the kitchen at 3 a.m., driving too fast all the time (which might just be a symptom of being 18M, who knows). He hasn't given any kind of opinion about medication, though he's aware of my own meds and jokes casually about it being ""meth, but prescribed by a professional."" **The options:** The way I figure it, we could approach the ""let's get diagnosed"" problem in one of a couple ways: 1. Go through their primary care physicians 2. Go directly to my own mental health care provider (described above) There may be a third option I'm not thinking of - let me know what I might be missing. 16F is still being seen by her pediatrician, while 18M has recently leveled up into seeing a regular adult doctor. Both are under my insurance for the foreseeable future. Both also trust me well enough with their medical information to supervise their care and have quite a lot of oversight. I *could* help them navigate option 1, but that could take quite a long time, especially given that I don't know those doctors' level of experience when it comes to mental health care in general and ADHD in particular. I don't want the kids to have the same hurdles I did. Option 2 seems like it'd be the more expedient and thorough option, but I feel uneasy about it for reasons I can't articulate. (I won't try to journal that out here - this post has gotten quite long enough.) **Anyway:** Thanks for reading this far along. If you scrolled directly to the bottom after reading the TL;DR, I completely understand! ADHD, you know? I appreciate your thoughts and insights!",0 "I am 24 years old and I started taking ADHD medication 3 months ago. I have always experienced depression episodes all my life. I still experience these episodes since I’ve started taking my meds, so I’m wondering if it is related to ADHD. I am depressed for 1-3 months and happy for 1-2 months. I live in a country where it’s always dark so that might be a big factor. Has anyone experienced this? And if so what has helped you improve your depression?",0 "I was on Ritalin for my whole younger childhood. I was tiered to a pretty high dose. When I became a teenager my body changed and started to develop some pretty terrible health conditions. At one point I started blacking out and passing out cold. After testing and finding nothing to cause this I came off the meds. The passing out and black outs stopped. I also had a terrible time coping and I went from all advanced classes to barely passing basics. 15 years later still struggling. Things are pretty bad. Anxiety and depression are one in the same with my ADHD (inattentive). It's just like I have negative motivation. Memory is beyond terrible. My energy is flatline. Being awake and moving is a good energy day for me. I have so much that has been added to my plate this year though. I was pretty panicked. Failing everything and half passably completing what I could far too late. I was desperate. I had some health issues resolve with medical help (my hormones are FAR more stable now). So I was like forget my medication trauma I know Ritalin works, let's give it a try and hope for no symptoms. I started this week. I'm currently on 2.5 mg 2x a day. Had to cut back from 5 mg (that tripped me out high as a kite). It's like the opposite of these past 15 years. Someone freaking lit a candle in my soul again. I cried listening to music on Tuesday. It was so beautiful and pure. It felt good. Drawing felt good. Things I used to enjoy feel good to do. My emotions are, well, there. I swear colors are brighter and smells better. My appetite is better than ever. (Drinking water like a race horse, geeze didn't remember the thirst issue.) My motivation is 1,000% better. I'm just doing things without mentally performing self-flagellation. I still have my walls of awful. But I actually WANT to try to climb them. I WANT to have a better existence. I still have ADHD, but chemically my dopamine is actually in existence now 😂. This was that thing I needed so I could use my coping mechanisms and things I've learned. No supplementation or nootropic I've used works like this. Though they are helping to balance out the dopamine fountain I got going on in my brain now. (Feel free to post your stack to help with your medicine). Panax Ginsing and B complex have helped with the down and just started L-Tryptophan Petide along with my melatonin and Valerian at night. Things are looking up. I'm proud of myself for seeing the writing on the wall, and realizing I was in a bad place. And talking to my doctor (also extremely hard, had some terrible doc experiences) and requesting meds despite my fears and instincts. It paid off. I'm heading in a better direction. Ah well. This was far too long. But pretty therapeutic to write. Thanks if you've read to this point. Far better than I can do on most days 😂😅",0 "It’s been 1 year since I last saw my abuser, when he was banned from the premises. Unfortunately, he hasn’t been prosecuted or even arrested, he’s been on he run and my mom has been covering his tracks. She knows it happened, but resented me for it. I kind of got a double whammy with toxic parents and it had a huge impact on my mental health. I didn’t do anything, I sulked, I felt slower than my classmates, and my grades showed that. But then I had my days where I actually focused, and when I did, I did really well. But after an incident would happen, I just couldn’t focus. I had the “you just need to put in your full potential.” Talk so many times with teachers. I understood, but didn’t perform, so I just believed I was stupid and lazy for the longest time, up until a few weeks ago. A year ago, I moved in with my boyfriend of two years and his parents. They’re not perfect, but a hell of a lot more stable and loving than my old house. It took me a while because of the trust issues from several events. I’ve recently warmed up to everybody and have gotten more comfortable, I love everyone here. I’ve even been going to therapy. For the first time in ever, I feel loved. I’m being all emotional now, but basically, I just got done my first semester of community college after taking a year off. I’m doing liberal arts, so, a lot of the courses are basically classes I took in high school part 2. And, my grades aren’t perfect, one was pretty bad. But, I began to see myself when I was back in elementary-high school. When I tried, I got A’s. But days when my mental health started to get the best of me, I’d just not even care. Yeah, I’ve had a bad track in school, but looking at when I do try, I’ve finally realized that I’m not dumb, I just don’t try sometimes. And I seriously think that has something to do with the fact that I haven’t been in the abusive household I was in for most of my life, for a long time. I’ve just started to see clearer, my vocabulary and understanding of concepts and school work has gotten better, I’m even emotionally smarter. Is this a thing? Or am I just overreacting to growing up? 😂",3 "Mentally, emotionally and physically... im literally tried.. i can't catch a break cause of reason. There's always reasons and if i will be an asshole to get that break suddenly im a bad person.. i don't know what to do or where to go. Im having the feeling that there's no room for me here anymore. And im getting numb in the situation already and im getting the feeling that one day i explode... its the end..",2 "Hi guys, I've been diagnosed with adhd for quite some time now. A massive issue I struggled with was tiredness alot of the time. Like complete lethargy in muscles and general weakness. Sometimes I feel dizzy when getting up from a crouch. I feel the tiredness in my muscles/bones. Something I've noticed is that if I get into a good mood. The pain lethargy and tiredness all disappear. Also whenever I'm feeling tired. I get very depressed no matter how positive I try thinking. If I have a negative thought I shut it down instantly. I often feel complete and utter apathy when I'm in these states. I thought it was sleep but even on 8hr 9 or even 10 hours I still get it. I even eat decently healthy. Taking coffee helps massively but only for like 3 hours or so and doesn't always work. My blood tests have all come back fine. Also do lots of excersize so I'm now just generally tired and need help figuring out what I should do, or if there are others who had this and were able to beat this. Vyvanse hasn't helped, also when I'm in this tired state I feel very stupid and dumb messing up sentences (speech). Feel very self conscious. Any help or advice would be very appreciated. Just feeling exhausted 😪 .",0 "I have been taking Adderall now for several years with overall good results. I am on a very low dose due to my Doctor being very stingy with the add meds. I was on 10/15 mg daily, with different doses available , either 10 or 15, depending on what I felt I needed for the day. So, fast forward to this last year under the rule of current psychiatrist. First, she reduced the level from 15 to 10, with the reason that she thought it better for my heart.?. I suspect she just was not comfortable with my being able to have any control over the levels I could use. So, after several months at this not ok, but it's at least something dose, she started denying my refills with the demand that I needed urine drug screens to go on. I asked- Why? She won't answer, or give me any more details, other than to deny me every month, sometimes has given in and filled, but not without a huge fuss. Now, I am in limbo waiting on a 2 month away appointment with another Psychiatrist, who I was hoping would just continue my refills until they were able to see me. Apparently, the first Psychiatrist has not cut herself off my case, despite my calls to Kaiser to discontinue services with her and start with a new Doctor. The beginning Psychiatrist has tried to brush off my repeated questions about why she wants to drug test me, with the explanation that ""It's the law."" From all that I have seen, that is not true. I have taken this medication for years before her, with no mention of it, and other adults I know take this without being asked for a drug screen. From what I can find out, it is just at the discretion of the Doctor. Does anyone out there have actual factual knowledge of this? I am in Virginia, that may make a difference. This constant headache over refills has be stressed to my limit, and I really think the Doctor is just trying to make it so hard for me to access care I have already paid for in hopes I will just give up and go away. Thanks, Kaiser!! Anyone have any facts on this? I would really appreciate it, I am feeling like I really need legal representation to drag mental health care out of my ""provider.""",0 "I just need to get this off my chest because I'm feeling frustrated. So I went to a psychiatrist today to talk about PTSD, ADHD and to ask if I'm maybe possibly on the autism spectrum. In his opinion, pretty much no on ASD. Fine, that's not what's giving me issues I just wanted to know. Problem is, he didn't seem to cotton to the idea that older adults can have ADHD so much, and he seemed to target fixate on anxiety. I have anxiety, sure, but it's pretty much manageable. What isn't manageable is my problematic levels of concentration. But now I'm facing months of therapy for anxiety before they'll even consider medicating for ADHD. I can deal with anxiety, problems with focus not at all. The social worker for the VA who referred me was sure I'd be on meds. Funny thing is I'd have had a prescription for SSRIs today if I agreed, even though they never worked in the past. My daughter has similar issues, and after taking every anxiety med under the sun was finally helped by taking Adderall. Sorry y'all, just needed to vent. Thanks.",0 "First of all i just wanted to let everyone know i have never been good at explaining or writing things or explaining how i feel . so sorry if this doesnt make sense, For as long as i can remember i have struggled with my mental state, from a young age i was pretty much dragged up and went through some shit, I used to be in a life that was pretty much hostile 24/7, did alot of bad things throughout my young and teenage years, i have struggled with anxeity and depression for as long as i remember too but only realised it not so long back as i just thought it was just how life was, Forward many years, alot has changed i have a job a wife a home, steady life, But i am constanly on edge, i never feel safe, i feel like i allways look behind my shoulder, even at home i am allways on guard. I can NEVER relax, i think of the worst case all the time, allways feel i have to stay ready for the worst in any way shape or form, i dont sleep, i hear the slighest noise and im up and alert all the time, its so draining, i allways need to be out the house thinking it will be nice to get out to no where but after 5 mins of leaving the house i want to go back, and the the same cycle keeps going and going, i feel like ive gone insane, Sorry if this is long winded, i just need to get it off my chest as i can not explain this in real life to anyone, If anyone feels the same can you please tell me any coping you use or just to feel like im not.alone with this feeling would be a help Thanks",3 "Been with a new therapist for a year now, and I asked her for a progress report; like did she see any progress? And all she said was ""well, you're less guarded"". I was kind of hoping for more than that. Pesonally, I don't feel any different. Do you ask your therapist (if you have one) for a progress report? If so, what do they say?",3 "I feel like I’m always trying to calculate a situation. Trying to figure out how to “be”. Given any type of social interaction, I just attempt to analyze the mechanism of the situation -and why it works for people. Like knowing the alphabet but unable to form words— let alone sentences. I’m trying to take those letters of the alphabet and assemble and reassemble into worlds. An “Aha” moment can sometimes occur when you learn a new word. Or chord in music. Everything can be broken down into the simplest yet complex organism or cell. You learn letters (notes), words (chords), phrases (melodies), sentences (verse/chorus), and finally the meaning meant to be conveyed. Songs and any form of conversation are made to get a point across. Comprehending and answering questions with a single word, or sentence can go only so far in overall comprehension. I feel like I know words and phrases of emotional and social intelligence but not how to put them together to make a song. Or I’m hearing someone’s lyrics and interpreting them in a way not meant to be conveyed. I can say a thing or two—or maybe more (depending on the level of interest and knowledge on what’s being said.), but I’ll never really hear the song as a whole to fully understand a message. When all the mental energy is used to hear the song, just to achieve a 20/50 sonic vision (poor vision requiring prescription lenses), the rest of my brain is left to just go with what we’ve got and interpret a meaning which is as unclear as trying to read a road sign in torrential downpour. (Or wearing glasses with a mask on and everything fogs up)—I’m tired of my brain using so much RAM, just to process people and surroundings. This leaves little memory left for all of the other programs I could run. When the RAM is actually working at an acceptable level though, it’s like the computer gets confused and doesn’t understand why it’s actually running well. When it runs well, it can become complacent, and then more RAM is needed to get back to where it was. I want a new computer— with more RAM. I can’t run what I need to on what I have. I’m just ranting and felt the need to just start typing. Thank you to anyone has read. I’m just trying to figure things out and how to find the right people in my life.",3 "She left me because I liked her. We had been in a situationship for a while now and I made the horrible mistake of telling her she meant a lot to me. I told her she helped lift me out of a dark place. She said that that was too much pressure for her and didn't think I could handle/was mature enough for a relationship. Which feels really unfair because before everything I told her I was bipolar and asked if that'd be an issue and she said no. She blamed my ""mood swings"" and how much I cared. Am I really that unlovable? Like seriously what did I do wrong? I feel so used. Empty. She led me on this whole time with no intention of anything serious. I really don't wanna live. I thought going to bed and waking up would help but it didn't. This hurts so much. Maybe her feelings are valid because I'm reacting like this. I'm just so distraught. I really didn't think I did anything wrong. I just... I really wanna do it. I feel like a danger to myself because every part of me just wants to end it. This hurts so bad man.",2 "i often hear to teat intrusive thoughts you should not interact with them or try and fight them off, but ignore them in the sense of observing them without responding. But with ERP you're meant to approach these thoughts and do the opposite of what they're telling you, which is very much interacting with them.",1 "How does medication work? I just want my thoughts to go away, also with the anxiety. Can thoughts go away when taking medication?",1 "I have about 10k saved (all the money i own) and a job but Iam absolutely terrified of being isolated and lonely again. I cant go on living with my Nsister and Nmother",3 "So, I'm someone that has experienced PTSD, and I'm working on a research project. I know of my experiences with PTSD, but they are not representative of everyone's experiences, since, well, mental health is different for everyone. I was wondering if anyone would be willing to share how PTSD affects/affected them on the daily. I'm looking to show a more 3D, more human experience, than just discussing the symptoms listed in wikipedia. Thank you for your help in advance! I know this is a lot to ask.",3 "Has anyone dealt with your medication making you extremely good at solving various problems at work but bad at interacting with colleagues or leading people? In other words, does your medication make you less assertive, less spontaneous and meek? How do you deal with this side effect? Is this universal with most ADHD medications?",0 "I recently discovered RSD TYLER has aspergers(high profile dating coach). It gave me hope in a sense. If an average looking guy guy with high functioning autism is successful dating why can’t I be? Are there any guys here who had success dating? i.e. multiple GF’s, Casual hookups etc?",3 Recently I got obsessed with zippo lighters. I love the sounds and feel of those things! Now I kinda use it as a fidget since I don’t smoke but I love those lighters,3 So in yr9 I put my hand on this guys neck and I just remembered it now and I’m feeling guilty about it!!!!,1 "Hello all! I am currently on 15mg of Adderall XR, which does a solid job of getting me through the 9 to 5 workday. But once I get home, my energy plummets. Even though there are things I want to do, I just can’t. This could be the coming down from the Adderall. Or it could be something unrelated - I have pretty bad insomnia and wake up several times every night, so I never wake up refreshed. I’m also in the process of testing for autoimmune disorders and fibromyalgia, for which fatigue is a major symptom. So with all that being said, I’m seeing my psychiatrist soon and considering asking about an IR boost in the afternoon. I feel like this could be beneficial, especially because the things I don’t have energy to do tend to be cleaning, creative projects, exercise, and so on. I would love to hear anyone’s experiences with both XR and IR, and any knowledge or advice to share on my situation. Thanks!",0 "Usualy I do not talk to my sons dad, ever, he is a toxic narcissist and my ptsd stems from a previous abusive relationship, but today I HAD to talk to him, it was about our son and it was important. I braced myself and I talked to him, as usual it turned into a heated discussion where he pushed my triggers but I kept my head held high and kept on the topics I had to bring up. I did get a bit emotional(anger) but I felt fine right there and then and the next few hours after it. My son came back home and he has his own reactions to the visitations and today he ignored me for 2.5 hours(also a trigger,childhood trauma,my mom ignored me for weeks, cant deal with rejection). And now its 10 and im about to have an panic attack. I felt 6 hours after the confrontation that my anxiety was building up, I tried to ground myself and breathe, but the whole thing with my son pushed me over the edge. Now im still trying to ground myself but im so nauseated,my head is about to explode and I feel off. I took my prescribed atarax but it has not helped, im infront of a fan, windows open, chill music is playing but my body is in high fucking alert. I keep replaying the convo with my sons dad in my head, I keep seeing his face whenever im closing my eyes so im trying not to blink. This got a bit long but im so out of it right now. Why does I react so many hours after? Why cant I just react on the spot and be done with it.",3 "I have OCD for a while now, and I also was diagnosed with dysthymia. Anyone else here with dysthymia / major depression? How did you cope with it?",1 "I can feel my bones and my organs and my heart beating inside of me and every day that goes by it gets quieter It's like I'm actively aware of my body deteriorating and I can't do it anymore I'm selfish, I used to believe I could stay to keep my friends and family happy but it has been so long and my head is so so loud I hear my heart in my head and I either feel so heavy that I think I could sink into the floor or so light I could just fall right through it. I know that by living like this I am a burden to so many people and I have to ask myself whether it would be better for me to stay or to just fade away, out of people's memories.",2 "Gonna wait for my pay check, pay bills and then bye forever.",2 "Has anyone else taking fluvoxamine experienced severe fatigue at low doses? I've been on 25mg for about 3 weeks and just moved up to 50mg. I've had severe fatigue since going on the fluvoxamine and I'm not sure if I should push through it or switch to something else. I'm having insomnia at night and falling asleep all day, even with a low dose of modafinil in the mornings. Does the fatigue eventually go away as your body gets used to the med, does it change at higher doses, or does it just persist? I've barely gotten out of bed this week I'm dragging so much.",1 "Was wondering if anyone has taken both Adderall XR and Vyvanse and if one was more consistent for you. Adderall XR is wildly inconsistent for me - sometimes a 60 mg dose will do nothing and on other days 20 mg will be enough. I know your stomach pH can affect it but I follow the exact same schedule every day where I take it on an empty stomach in the morning and don’t eat until 4-5 hours after, but it still varies a lot. Was wondering if you guys have found Vyvanse to be more consistent day to day.",0 "Disclaimer: I am on a waiting list to be assessed for ADHD, so it's not something I have a diagnosis for, but my symptoms fit well enough for my GP to refer me for assessment and from things I've read, I feel that it is likely I have ADHD. I was telling my Mum today how I just can't concentrate and how disruptive it is and I mentioned that I am waiting for an assessment for ADHD. My Mum used to be a teaching assistant which included supporting students with ADHD, but she doesn't believe ADHD actually exists and is actually just an excuse that parents use for naughty children. She then said that I'm not hyperactive, and if anything I'm really slow. I explained that my brain is going at a million miles per hour and all my energy is in there and I don't even realise that my body isn't matching the internal chaos. As soon as I said this, she said ""oh, well that's what your Dad says when his bipolar is getting bad. Are you sure you don't have bipolar?"" And it's got me wondering. Is there a lot of cross over between the two? Genetically I guess it would be more likely for me to have bipolar as my Dad has it and nobody in my family has been diagnosed with ADHD. Just wondered what people's thoughts are or if people have experience of the two.",0 So I was guilty pleasure browsing r/sadcringe and spotted [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/sadcringe/comments/pna4ud/like_did_she_mean_to_send_me_that/hcoyysa/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3). What do y’all think? I had a “wow that explains a lot” moment. Also it is basically the same for women.,3 Fuck my mom and my dad and my sister fuck my entire fucking miserable family. I promise when I move out I will never speak to them ever again. Ever. 70% of my depression problem lies with them.,2 "This was my original and very first battle with depression as I moved states away from my hometown and formed the idea that I don’t belong here. I’m originally from rural NC and moved down to Fl after my parents split years ago. I’m in college here and I’ve been to therapy and prescribed meds before but I still don’t feel like this is where I want to be (I’ve been down here about 6 years). I’ve yet to make a friend group I can relate too and unable to do anything fun as my idea of fun was campfires and hiking/ biking, etc. I’ve tried everything and my productivity has never been the same since moving here. I recently went on a ski trip to Colorado and all the emotions flood back in and I remember why I hate Florida so much. My psychiatrist says that it’s from within but when I said I’ve tried everything I really have, even with documentation (examples: working out w/ dates and duration for about a consistent 9 months, meds, parties, games, books, biking here, forcing myself to do uncomfortable things almost everyday), and I still feel like a shadow of my former self. I don’t notice but people say I’m much nicer and almost completely different (my gf and mom) when I’m back around old friends in NC. I’m a fraction of what I used to be and I’m really believing my ideals just don’t align with where I live. Sorry for the rant but does anybody relate or have any experiences they can share, anything’s appreciated:)",2 I've been on elvanse (50mg) for around 3 years now. I think I started when I was 14 and now I'm almost 17. But now I don't feel like it works anymore. I can barely focus on lessons and just paying attention to any topic in school feels nearly impossible. Should I try a higher dose like maybe 70mg or try a completely new medication? I've previously been on concerta and strattera but they didn't work for me.,0 "All of the self-supporting habits I tried to build are currently gone. I'm living/sleeping on my couch with a three weeks worth of trash and food wrappers around me, and I can't seem to care anymore. I've missed two doctors appointments because I can't be bothered to give a damn. I hate it. It's comforting though. I know I need a therapist, I \*know\* I need to see my doctor. I just can't seem to care. I can't bother to try to reschedule a doctor's appointment, or why I should even bother anymore. How do you unfuck a fuckup, when you're so fucked up mentally you don't want to get unfucked up?",0 "Hi everyone, can you describe if you have flashbacks where you feel panic, anxiety, rage or shame, but you don't see or hear anything from the incident? An example would be like if you see something on tv that reminds you of the incident and all of the sudden you feel those really intense, upset feelings. Another example would be if someone does something to you like cuts you in line, or just puts their hand on you by surprise, and so on. If you could, would you also explain what kind of incident you suffered to get ptsd as well?",3 "I'm waiting for escitalopram to start working, 3 weeks on 10mg. I'm on clonazepam .5mg one or twice a day. I'm confused as to take it twice a day for a few weeks to knock myself out of the ptsd loop somewhat or take it sparingly and just get by like I have been. What's your thoughts/experience?",3 I hate myself my family hates me and probably wants me gone too im 21 jobless autistic with a alcoholic dipshit dad a naggy uptight bitch of a mum i spend all my days accidentally annoying them today i accidentally threw my dads dinner in the bin because no one told me that the tray wasnt meant to be empty so naturally i just hid in my room while hearing him call me a retard and a mistake i wanna fucking die everyday because he makes me feel like nothing but i cant do anything about it because im scared he says that he wouldn't do anything to hurt me but his words do the hurting anyway ive been clawing at my arm punching myself and headbutting fans because that arsehole keeps down i dont know what i can do because if i leave im fucked but if i stay I'll feel worse,2 I have a lot of things I should be thankful for but It doesn’t mean a thing if I’m not happy and it’s breaking me…,2 "I've always noticed how stable, happy, well-adjusted people tend to find other people like them. I think I was maybe 7 or 8 when I started noticing this, and now at 35, I continue to be absolutely fascinated by these people. How do they get like that? How do they stay like that? How do they find other people like them and build relationships so easily? How do they move through life effortlessly and with so much emotional resilience? It makes me hate my upbringing all the more for making me so insecure of my place in the world. It makes me hate myself that I haven't been able to heal enough to become resilient and stable and happy. I've never been normal, and I don't think I ever will be.",2 "I live in a place where things are starting to go back to normal gradually. And people are starting to go out again. I notice social media is full of people going to bars, clubs and restaurants. Which is great if you have friends to go with.... The other day I went to visit a relative and they asked if I was going out anywhere. I then said; “none of my friends are in this city right now”. It was an outright lie. They responded with; “it’s ok, you’ve always been a bit of a loner”. I just wanted to cry on the spot. The sad thing is, it’s exactly what I am. And it’s getting worse the older I get. A year goes by and nothing seems to change. I just used covid as an excuse for the last 18 months. And now people finally know that I literally have no life or social group whatsoever. I just don’t know what to do anymore. People at work are starting to realize it too. When they ask what I did on a vacation week and respond with; “I just stayed at home”. Their level of shock is clear to see in the face. They ask if I’m ill or unwell and I just make up an excuse about having to look after dogs or some random crap. I think the world forgets that we are not all wired the same. And some of us are just sat here in our apartments just waiting for one day to lead into another. For little or no meaning. It sucks so bad. I just wish people would be kinder. And at least try to be around me instead of cutting me off within weeks of meeting.",3 "I noticed in all my relationships I’m super “in love.” I’m sure part of it is love, but I feel super high and romanticized like I’m in some crazy movie and their my entire world and perfect person. No matter good or bad times, I crave and miss them. I’m so obsessed, it’s like heroine to me. Even after a breakup, sometimes if I really was into the person, I’d nonstop contact them and carry them around with me for such a long time, as if I have a ghost with me. I’m at the point now where I’m going through a breakup and it’s so bad that he’s getting a restraining order. It’s torture. Anyone else experience this?",1 "So I was sitting this morning thinking about the past and a memory surfaced of my mother having had used belts to strap me to a chair because I would keep getting up instead of doing my homework. So my question is this. If your parents had methods to get you to do a given task, what were they and were they anything as odd as strapping you into a chair?",0 "I've been using Adderall on an as-needed basis for 6 years now. Mostly I won't use it for 6 weeks, and then for a week or two, I'll use it daily to prep for exams. For the past year though, I've started using much more, since I only have my thesis left to write. What I'll do is I'll use it 4-5 days out of the week, and mostly take the weekends off. I've grown increasingly concerned about the effect Adderall use has on my brain though. The main reason is that I'm now suffering from massive anhedonia. And I feel I have been progressively sinking into this anhedonia for years. I don't know If Adderall is the cause or not. But there are some things that make me worry about Adderall's effects on the brain. When I started using Adderall, I was 23, and very happy. I felt pleasure easily. Adderall gave me crazy euphoria in moderate doses and had me working non-stop for hours. As the years moved on, however, I felt less and less pleasure doing things I normally enjoy. While I don't think it's necessarily the Adderal's doing, as I felt my pleasure levels slowly drop off from the moment I went through an event that caused what I believe to be congruent depression, I do worry a lot about Adderall's effects on the dopaminergic system. What worries me are articles (trigger warning for fellow-hypochondriacs taking Adderall) suggesting that Adderall can cause brain damage through neurotoxicity; long-term stripping/damaging of elements in the dopaminergic system; shrinking of the parts of the brain that regulate pleasure, emotions and short term memory; and the apparently 8x increased chance of developing Parkinson's among those who've taken either Adderall or Ritalin (suggesting therapeutic doses permanently alter the dopaminergic system). On the other hand, I know that Adderall is an old medicine, widely used and FDA approved. And that according to experts most research points to it being safe. However, I can't find that research. The only research I can readily find suggests negative effects, but bases their assertions on meth or crazy high doses of dex given to mice and monkeys. Does anybody have any info to help me worry less about my use of Adderall? Fwiw, I usually take between 10 and 15 mg a day. Never more. But I do dose irregularly throughout the day and I've never lost the euphoria it gives me (although it lessened by magnitudes) as well as the side-effects like suppressed appetite and irritability.",0 "I (25F) had a pretty rough start in life. I grew up in an abusive environment and had a lot of repressed trauma. I never really fit in anywhere and was usually the annoying girl that nobody liked. I just accepted it though and let people treat me any kind of way because I needed to feel a sense of belonging even if I was the butt of the joke in most cases. I’m college it was pretty much the same. I just couldn’t seem to get things right and never made any real friends. Eventually, I just cut all my friends off. I figured it would be better to be alone than to continue allowing people to treat me horribly. But today I was looking through old pictures and got kinda sad. I miss my friends and also the old me. I use not care what other people thought. Even if people didn’t like me, I still put myself out there. I was so social and I enjoyed the good memories. I just don’t know how I got to this point where I have no friends and can’t open up to people. I feel so alone.",2 " i was really stupid the other month and decided to go onto omegle and do some pretty stupid things (exposed) with a person i matched with (they looked mid twenties - did not ask age). i'm full of fear and anxiety believing that i will be arrested or charged for my inappropriate conduct. i was hoping to get some clarification from regarding my dumb choices which have created a massive amount of anxiety. i'm sorry to bother but i am losing hair and sleep. i've decided to never ever go back onto omegle. i cant keep living with this fear and need some honest advice. i'm worried about losing the life i have over a really dumb decision to use omegle. i was banned for one day. i'm worried the police will come to my door and thatt i'll lose my job, my family and friends. please help.",1 "Hi! I’m new to this app, and I’m just looking for a place to discuss my OCD and GAD with people who understand. I could use a bit of advice, but first let me catch you up. I am currently 19 (a sophomore in college). I was diagnosed with OCD in my sophomore year of high school, and GAD years ago. In high school, my obsession revolved around the idea of being cursed, and my compulsions consisted of repetitive actions such as hand washing, re reading, re writing, confessing, and worst of all, making myself throw up. I was prescribed Prozac which did wonders. My OCD had since subsided, but never fully disappeared. Fast forward to last year, I had gone through a series of hormonal issues which led to my OCD making a huge return. It began with asking my boyfriend (whom I live with) questions about his past. These questions became obsessive to the point where I’d forget right after asking, or even if I did already know the answer, I’d still ask again anyways (I think my brain would convince itself that I’m unsure of the answer). I began to fear what other questions my brain would come up with. I also began experiencing horrible intrusive thoughts, which put me under the impression that my boyfriend must be lying to me and that my friends must hate me ... for no apparent reason. Luckily for me, both my boyfriend and friends are incredibly understanding, and (perhaps not for the best) they reassure me a ton. I know that it’s truly irrational to feel my boyfriend is being unfaithful in any way because not only do we live with each other, but he lets me go through his phone and tells me everything (he shows me his convos wen girls try to slide in his dm and how he quickly shuts them down, he tells me about when girls try to hit on him at work and how he curves them, and even if someone he doesn’t recognize likes his photo, he shows/tells me). Same goes for my friends, in that they are incredibly blunt and would tell me if they truly had an issue with me. I started taking Prozac again 4 days ago, but I still feel so trapped. My psychiatrist said she thinks I’m struggling with cognitive distortions as a result of my GAD/OCD, and is having me start CBT in the mere future. Back from when I was first having my hormonal issues, upon waking up in the morning, I’d have a sinking feeling in my stomach. As time went on, waking up with a sinking feeling inside became waking up and feeling sheer panic. For the time being, I also feel the urge to ask questions that I already know the answers to and worst of all, I feel the need to re read DMs that I’ve deleted (so that I cannot re read them) and cannot get back. Because of this, I feel incredibly trapped. My obsessions still revolve around the concept of being cursed (cursing myself/my relationships), but now it also has to do with reincarnation (something that I also fear). I’m supposed to start CBT soon and my boyfriend, family, and friends are all being incredibly supportive of me. Despite this, it still feels rather bleak, and I’d greatly appreciate some advice and words of wisdom.",1 "//WARNINGS// Mentions of meltdowns, bullying, phobias, eating disorders and substance abuse This is about to be a long post, sorry guys. I have never spoken about this with anyone but I need to finally get this off my chest. I (17f) was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome when I was 7. At the time, I showed many of the typical signs: walking around in circles when thinking, the seams in my socks being so uncomfortable for me that I would cry when getting ready, huge meltdowns, obsessively memorising the Latin names for all the animals in the museum... those are some of the things I remember. I don’t remember this, but eventually my parents took me to a specialist and I got diagnosed. Simple, right? Except for whatever reason, my parents decided to make sure I never found out about my diagnosis and that I would never receive any professional help. Primary school was difficult. For most of it, I had no friends and was bullied and excluded by the other girls. I spent every lunchtime in the library. Somehow, I developed a phobia of fruit so intense that anything that touched fruit became ‘contaminated’ and I would scream at anyone who came near me with it. I don’t do that anymore, but I still can’t bring myself to touch anything that touched fruit. At age 11, I developed an eating disorder which would appear in bursts over the years. I don’t know if the food issues have anything to do with my autism but they definitely contributed to making this period of my life pretty awful. In high school (grade 8), I started to become really good at masking. Now that I had started a new school with new people, I had an opportunity to start fresh, so I decided to completely discard who I was before. Although I was by no means popular, I could pass as neurotypical and found a small group of friends. On the surface, it seemed like my life had taken a turn for the better, but in reality, I had never been worse. I had what I thought were panic attacks nearly every night, but they may have been meltdowns from ignoring my sensory needs all day long. I developed germophobia so acute that I felt that I could physically feel the germs on my fingertips. My desire for acceptance lead me to falling in with a bad crowd. I started binge drinking and smoking weed, then later abusing opioids to deal with my anxiety. When I was 15, a couple of my friends and I were suspended for drinking alcohol at school. My dad was driving me to school one day after the suspension when he got an email from one of my teachers and asked me to check it. It was some sort of back-and-forth correspondence about the suspension, but what stuck out to me is my dad’s most recent email to the teacher: ‘We ask you not to disclose that (my name) was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome’. I remember being really confused and reading it out to him, him freaking out and calling my mum, my mum crying on the phone and saying she was sorry. All I remember is just being speechless and slamming the car door on my way out. I freaking love my parents. Seriously, they’re the best. They’ve been nothing but completely supportive my whole life, even during the times when I probably made their lives absolute hell. When I came home from school on the day I found out about the diagnosis, the first thing I did was apologise for acting mad because when I thought about it, I really wasn’t. I was just shocked and confused because suddenly, everything I’d been through had a name and I wasn’t sure I wanted it. I absolutely had a negative view of autistic people at the time. Having been bullied myself, I projected this onto people who resembled the person I used to be, the person I had nothing but hatred for. I wanted nothing to do with the label. I never found out why my parents decided to hide it from me, and I can’t deal with confrontation so I never asked. However, I think I have an idea. My mum used to be a psychologist, and she believes that diagnoses have a placebo effect on the patient which causes them to ‘live up’ to their illness. By not telling my about my autism or giving me treatment, she was doing what she genuinely thought was best for me, and you know what? Maybe she was right. I’m at a new school now, and I completely pass for neurotypical. Upon finding out about my diagnosis, I immediately researched all the traits of autism so I could eliminate them in myself, and I believe I do a pretty good job. Recently, I discovered the autism acceptance movement on TikTok. At first I was apprehensive, but after some time I realised that this is what I’ve been needing my whole life. I want to be myself. I want to be okay with being myself. But I’ve spent so long crushing that person that all I’m left with is a bunch of shitty mental illnesses and a group of friends who get off on bullying people like me. I let myself stim by flicking my wrist while using my laptop for the first time since I was a kid the other day (I usually do covert stims like shaking my leg) and it felt so right I cried. It’s been two years since I found out and I haven’t brought it up with my parents, nor have they. But recently I’ve been wondering if I’m really as okay with what they did as I initially said I was. They inadvertently taught me that who I am was so wrong that I couldn’t even mention it, and to this day I’ve never told anyone that I’m autistic. They denied me treatment for issues which continue to affect my life today. I just want to eat a freaking slice of toast without hating myself afterwards and decontaminating everything the food touched. Today, I suddenly felt so angry at them. It was like years’ worth of bottled up pain suddenly came gushing out all at once. It’s overwhelming, so I came to the only place I thought might have someone who understands. It’s not fair to blame all my problems on my parents when many of them are self-inflicted. After all this, I don’t even know if I’m ‘autistic enough’ to justify posting to this sub. How am I supposed to feel? This is just so messed up. Let me know what you think, or just berate me if I’m being an absolute idiot. Thanks for reading all this, I’m absolutely exhausted after typing it so I’m going to go to bed now and see how I feel in the morning. Take care of yourselves :)",3 "I’ve been taking quitiapin for sleep for a while now, today my doctor asked me to stop. We’re any of y’all on the pill? How did y’all stop taking it?",2 i feel like a failure i got no support and only a few friends but they dont understand what im dealing with. ive had numerous jobs quit some and fired from some thought of moving to another state but that might be expensive and may not help my problems. my siblings are non existent and therapy is on and off. Im afraid of regret and just screwing up my life and i just am fed up with everything and cant take it anymore,2 "A Friend sent this to me. A friend of his just uploaded this today. He designed it to have a calming effect on his Autistic Son, and was helpful. I thought it might help others. [Autism Calming Music - Youtube.com](https://youtu.be/ajwg9mlxBiY)",3 "So I just started Bleach again it's an anime really good recommend it but I finished it maybe a month ago,still I want to watch it again so I'm doing it. Do you guys do this too like I saw people rewatch stuff but not this frequently and some say it's a waste of time.",3