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The reason I say this is because during the episode you’re numb and don’t care about the consequences until they happen. For me at least, coming out of the episode and having to deal with what your self neglect has done to you is so exhausting and painful. It’s matted hair so severe you would rather cut it all off rather than deal with it, rotting plaque covered teeth, hair falling out by the handfuls from poor nutrition, forcing yourself into a shower and still not being able to escape the smell of your own decay, it’s absolute misery you would never want to repeat yet the cycle continues.
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depression
|
Visit the AMA thread here: [https://reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/n6cqef/we\_are\_the\_ocd\_anxiety\_and\_related\_disorders/](https://reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/n6cqef/we_are_the_ocd_anxiety_and_related_disorders/)
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OCD
|
My parents got me an expensive phone for my birthday which I wasn't expecting. I received it in the mail and cried. I feel terrible. It's not that I don't appreciate the gift, I just wish that instead of spending this money on a phone that they'd spend it on something useful or that I don't already have. I already have a phone and while it's old, it still works. Also I just feel guilty. I feel like I don't deserve these things because as a kid my parents treated me bad and made me feel guilty for things. They can definitely afford it so its not so much about that .
What do I do? I want to accept the gift because I feel like that's the acceptable thing to do but I actually feel so terrible and I don't want it. And now I feel like a terrible person for not wanting it.
I know this comes across as ungrateful and I am grateful, I just don't know why I feel this way or how to deal with it.
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aspergers
|
So I've been battling depression for a long time, but I've never taken any meds. I've been in trauma therapy, and its helping, but I'm still really struggling. My primary doctor was concerned about my depression scores and had me see a Psychiatrist. I've always been really, really skeptical about psych meds in general. My dad growing up had crazy out of control bipolar symptoms and none of the med cocktails he was on ever worked. He committed suicide when I was in high school. Anyways, the psychiatrist was really nice, didnt try to pressure me at all, but he does think lamictal would be a good choice (due to bad reactions of family members I want to stay away from SSRI/SNRIs).
Mostly i just need encouragement because I feel torn about it. A part of me thinks, am I really bad enough to need that? Am I over exaggerating? Am I taking the easy way out by taking meds? Are they going to screw me up even more? I just dont know what to think. I'm going to talk to my T about it before I decide anything. I know it's my decision, I want to listen to the doctors advice, but I also feel really torn.
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ptsd
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Soo i have done some research and all the symptoms match. But my parents wont take me to a therapist and wont believe me. Should i take some common adhd medication and see if it helps? I want to try it because i can foucs on my studies and constantly have something going on in my head. My dad said that all these mental illnesses are only written in books and aren't real.
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ADHD
|
Something I hear a lot is caffeine is supposed to make people with ADHD sleepy, but for a long time I thought I couldn't have it since drinking a cup of coffee make me more hyperactive, not less. 5-7 months ago before I got on medication I noticed that when I went well beyond a cup of coffee, I started to react to the caffeine differently. I didn't get sleepy, but I could sit still and actually focus, although I had pretty bad jitters along with it. The amount of caffeine it took to get to that point was two double espresso lattes and a few cups of breakfast tea, maybe a cup of green tea or a matcha latte as well, more than that and I would just crash. I also noticed the calm, focused feeling only lasted an hour or two, no more than 3. After that I got pretty anxious unless I took lots of CBD to counteract it. At that point the focus was gone and taking in more caffeine either made it worst again or caused me to crash.
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ADHD
|
Well actually two good things COVID gave me.
People stayed out of my space. I struggle if someone gets within 3 feet of me. I panick alittle bit and become over the top paranoid. And heaven forbid someone touches me, most children for some reason.
Two I haven't encountered a single fake service dog this whole year and it has been the best thing in the whole damn world. My previous dog had been viciously attacked in a walmart and my new dog shes so oblivious to everything going on around her because she is so focused on me ive had to drop kick dogs that have gone at her.
I hope people just stay away from me and keep there pets at home for next year. Give me a chance to practice being calm in public and getting my life back together.
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ptsd
|
Sorry for the long and messy post.
Okay so I have quite bad contamination ocd which seems to keep going and then coming back. I have recently developed a fear of catching or spreading hep c that I think was triggered by seeing a used syringe on the ground. My contamination ocd is not new but the fears surrounding hep c are. I am constantly anxious about touching things in public places especially if I have cuts on my hands and also touching things/surfaces/objects with my hands or them coming into contact with my clothes and then spreading them to my family.
With my job at the moment I am going to more deprived areas of where I live and carrying out tasks such as grass cutting etc. I have seen maybe two needles/syringes on the ground in these areas and thus working in these more deprived areas I can’t help but associate them with contamination and danger.
Something happened today at work which triggered my contamination thoughts and spiralled into panic. Whilst grass cutting in somebody’s back garden my arm (which has no ‘open wounds’ or cuts on it very briefly brushed past a blanket/bed sheet hanging on a clothes line. It immediately sent my thoughts into overdrive, (for example, what if it had blood on it, what if that blood got on my arm, although no blood was visible and the bed sheet having probably just been washed my mind was going crazy. With the area in which I was working in I considered to be a threat and the item I touched being a personal item I was panicking. I used hand sanitizer on my arm but even after that I was worried that my arm which had then been contaminated had touched my T-shirt (spreading potential virus even more)
Can someone help inform me on how to handle this or any scientific information to help me overcome these fears eg could hep c transfer from object to object (arm to clothing?/ clothing to other clothing?) very stressed about spreading potential virus into my household
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OCD
|
I was talking with my therapist today and we were discussing random things surrounding my ADHD diagnosis. After telling her about one of my most recent fuck ups she asked me if my home was in any way *ADHD Proof* to which I responded that I didn't even know what that was lol. This was at the end of my session so we didn't have time to discuss it but I did tell her I would reach out to the community here on reddit to get yalls opinions. Can anyone help me out? How do you ADHD Proof your home?
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ADHD
|
- For example, the Linkin Park song “New Divide.” For the longest time, I thought the chorus was *give me reason to fell this foe* instead of *give me reason to fill this hole.*
- Another example, the classic Led Zeppelin song “Immigrant Song.” I thought the chorus was *always sleepin,’ because she knows* instead of *on we sweep, with crashing oar.*
- A final example, the Eminem song “Like Toy Soldiers.” I thought the chorus was *we never weep, but we bid our wages on for toy soldiers* instead of *we never win, but the battle rages on for toy soldiers.*
These are just a few examples. They didn’t often make sense, but I would be so engaged in the music that I wouldn’t care.
And honestly, I wish I hadn’t learned the actual lyrics cause I still like mine better.
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aspergers
|
I feel tired everyday and I somehow always feel angry or sad or mix of it. I don’t know what is my purpose in life anymore. I don’t know why I’m still living. I feel like a waste of space and a burden to my parents. My friends no longer care for me and my parents just seem tired to hear my problems. I feel pressure everyday. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.
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depression
|
Around 10 years ago at the age of 12 I was diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety (all kinds), Depression and PTSD. I had a pretty traumatic childhood that caused all of this. Recently I was prescribed a medication to help with sleep paralysis and my anxiety for sleeping. I have also recently noticed that it's helped eliminate some OCD problems for me. What I did not realize until looking deeper into OCD is that it might be worse than I thought. I recently found out that the intrusive thoughts I have are OCD. I have not told anyone about these thoughts until just a few days ago because I was worried that I would get checked into the looney bin (nothing against those who go just a major fear for me). When I found out other people have these thoughts I felt relieved. I felt lighter and happier because I wasn't messed up beyond repair I just need some help. So for those who don't know, intrusive thoughts for me is looking at a drink and wondering what would happen if I fell and stabbed my eye with the straw. Or holding a baby and hoping that I randomly fall and crush the baby. These thoughts terrify me and limit what I do but knowing that these can be fixed are so comforting. Is my OCD worse than I thought? Yes, a lot. I thought I was almost 'cured' but to know that my thoughts aren't me being insane makes me feel some much better.
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OCD
|
Hi everyone,
Does anyone feel like certain people's energy or vibes can set you off in a similar way like a sensory overload? For example, one of my sensory issues is noise-like landscaping equipment-. I feel like with certain people, their energy or vibes can overwhelm/set me off like I do with the landscaping equipment-like lawnmowers or leaf blowers-. I'm not saying they are the exact same, but do have similarities. Anyone else feel this way or experience this?
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aspergers
|
Hey everyone! Just wanted to say hi! I'm a 41 year old woman. Today I was diagnosed with ADHD & ASD. Hi.
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aspergers
|
Hi everyone. I'm sorry if this post is redundant or messy, but I feel messy. Like my head is a hurricane spinning all the thoughts constantly. I get fatigued so easily and take breaks in between each small task. I get triggered in crowds and when there is thunder or construction or loud noises. The other day I was in the middle of a street full of traffic and everyone was honking and I literally put my hands on my ears like I was 5 year old. Not to mention all the near-fainting when there are crowds on the bus. I feel like I was so proud to be better and now I'm back to barely coping. Found few books on ptsd and dbt as well as productivity, put headspace and routine tracking app on my phone and unlike last week I actually showed up for each appointment I had out of home(I've been a bit agoraphobic again). I feel like I'm doing my best to hold it together and I'm still not managing. I'm doing all this and I still get these waves of hopelessness or wanting to sh or of being so sensitive to loud sounds I literally curl up on the bed or dissociate and so on. If I try to sleep without my sleep meds I keep waking from nightmares few times each night with the sheets on the floor. And even writing this I feel like this isn't something worth sharing, like it's a contest or something. I'm sorry! Not even sure if I'm asking for tips or just sharing. The last few weeks have been a huge backslide in terms of my mental health and tonight is just hard to cope with and somehow I found myself here.
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ptsd
|
My whole life I’ve had to be the strong one. Strong for my parents. Strong for my depressed and suicidal brother. Strong for my depressed and suicidal best friend. Now I have to be strong for my suicidal and depressed girlfriend. But now, I’m tired. I have no energy for myself. I have no concentration towards my goals. And when I’m sad I have nowhere to turn to. I can’t speak to anyone, especially the ones I’m “close” to because they’ll just blame themselves. Then I have to pick myself up just to help them back up. I’m at a point I cry my self to sleep almost every night. I feel myself slowly wanting to give up on everything and I mean everything! I just sigh and cry over and over again. I don’t get one moment to my self. I work over 40 hours a week. Then my girlfriend is sad everyday so I tend to her needs. If my brother or friend is sad I tend to there needs. If my parents need me my time goes to them. What little time I have I crunch as much stuff as I can. I crunch so much I can’t even enjoy what I love to do. And that’s only if I’m able to steal my own free time for myself to have! My only alone time is when I’m driving to and from work and when I’m in the bathroom. I fucking hate what my life’s become. But I love everyone on my life too much to let go.
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depression
|
I’m newly diagnosed as High functioning autism and also ADHD. I struggle a lot with sensory issues, executive dysfunction and socialising. I live in Sydney and we have been in lockdown for 2+ months now which I am worried is regressing my mental health and conditions.
I haven’t socialised in months and find myself having less and less desire to message friends, chat on the phone, engage in trivia zoom nights etc.
my social battery is at 10% naturally now whereas it used to be at 60%.
I don’t get food cues or food is too difficult a decision to make most days so I just don’t eat. Then I have no energy and feel sick all the time :/
I genuinely feel as a 20 yr old that I have regressed in terms of independence as I can’t bear to be in survival mode any longer :((
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aspergers
|
I’m 26 and have been on Adderall for a couple of years. I’ve been having sex (or tried to at least) much more recently. I’ve noticed that when I’m on Adderall that it’s more difficult for me to obtain or keep an erection.
I live a pretty healthy lifestyle. I get 7-9 hours of sleep at night, eat a decent diet, and workout 3-5 a week. I’m at a healthy weight. I also use L-Citrulline to help. Even so, I still have this issue.
I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow, and I’d like to discuss this with him. Optimally I would like a prescription for Viagra or Cialis.
Adderall works well for me. My worry is that if I mention it, he may try switching my ADHD medication instead of trying ED medication. This is not a route I want to go on.
I’m wondering if anyone has had this ED issue with Adderall? If you discussed it with your doctor, was he/she open to prescribing ED medication?
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ADHD
|
I'm a 25 year old single mom of 3 young kids 5,3,1.
Growing up for me was a nightmare, I feel like I was neglected. I grew up poor, moved around sometimes multiple times a month, usually back to the same places. I was bullied, I felt like I never fit in. My parents were on and off, when I stayed with my mom it was in a small trailer with my moms cousin, my "uncle", who after walking in with on him and my mom I realized was not my uncle, his 2 boys, and my 2 brothers. The trailer was small, dirty like could have been hoarders... they were alcoholics racist to the one boy because he was black. When I didnt want to stay with my mom I went with my dad but he was a truck driver and was hardly around so it was pretty much me taking care of myself. When my parents were together we were all usually crammed into a small apartment or with grandparents. I've been sexually assaulted by a friends brother when I had a sleepover, I've been forced to do things with the 2 boys I lived in the trailer with, and I'm pretty sure a family member, my auntie, sexually assaulted me but I can only remember bits and pieces of that.
In grade 8 I lost all my friends because i got lice and my mom shaved my head and then locked me in my room for I'm not sure how long so nobody else got it... i remember always looking at my reflection, I was obsessed with it, wondering if I looked normal, wondering what was wrong with me, trying to convince myself that I was even remotely beautiful.....
As a teenager, my parents settled into a house my grandparents bought them and have been there since, over 10 years. I started getting attention from boys, sleeping around, had my first real relationship and break up all that. Hurt my bestfriend, and was bullied by her and her friends daily being called hideous and slut and everything else...
It got to the point where I was back starting at my reflection every chance I got, obsessing about it all over.
Then I got into drugs and drinking, met my ex dropped out of school the day I turned 16 moved 3 hours away with them, and just partied hard everyday, did lots of lsd, e, everything.. then I got pregnant moved back home. Where it was me alone in a room again. After my daughter was born met a guy moved on drugs started abuse started. Left a year later. Met the father of my 2 sons who I loved were together 3 years but it was like a repeat of my parents us being on and off, fighting, we didnt use drugs together and he was a nice guy to me most of the time very controlling though, didnt want me wearing makeup, locking bathroom door, having a purse, going anywhere.. I thought it was better than what I had before. I ended up leaving for good a year ago. He was heartbroken. I felt nothing, I feel numb most days. I dont want to get out of bed, I dont want to cope with anything. I'm trying not to go back to drugs but my depression and panic attacks have been too much lately, I asked my mom to take my kids the other day, I couldn't do it anymore, I dropped out of college (trying to get my adult 10 and 12). I feel lost, I dont know how to take care of myself my house is a mess, I go days without showering or eating. I get paranoid that someone is coming to kill me. I feel like I have nobody. I have a hard time expressing myself. I want to go to counseling but I feel like I won't know where to start or how to put things into words. I'm not good at expressing my feelings. I feel to hideous to leave the house most days, irritated or anxious not knowing what to say q when people talk to me, trouble concentrating. Tired of everything and I dont know what to do.
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ptsd
|
I’ve been on Ritalin for 7 years and have done 5 hour testing for adhd twice, once in 2013 and once in 2019. The paperwork shows that I’m clearly VERY adhd and my new doctor still won’t prescribe me Ritalin. Not being on it is kind of ruining my life. Can my primary doctor prescribe it? Idk what to do. Every psych I’ve had says they won’t prescribe it to anyone at first but once they see my paperwork they end up prescribing it. I’m so frustrated, I can barely type coherently
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ADHD
|
I have OCD MDD & GAD. I took 400mg epilim which is lower than the therapeutic range. So my psychiatrist increased to 600mg which is in therapeutic range but my anxiety and OCD worsened. My doctor went back to 400mg. I asked my psychiatrist if there are more options, but she said she would not recommend Lamictal. What is the point of taking epilim if it is below the therapeutic dosage? Should I go back to lithium? Do I have other options?
P.S. I am not bipolar. I take epilim and lithium simply for my MDD, GAD and OCD.
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OCD
|
I hope this makes sense. I obsess a lot over things in tv shows, books, movies, etc. (I think things like "would God want me to watch this?") so much so where it makes it really hard to watch them and I can't enjoy them as much as I once did. I start to feel guilty because I think "if I obsess over these things so much, they must be really important to me, its like I worship stories instead of God!" which just brings in more scrupulosity guilt. I mean, is that true? if I obsess over these things that much, that must mean I really care about them, right? Meaning I would choose them over God? sort of unrelated, but my OCD is telling me if God had rules that I didn't want to follow, I would stop worshipping/following him. It makes me feel really guilty and I just can't enjoy anything anymore. Do you think my OCD is right?
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OCD
|
I've been seeing a new therapist now who believe it or not is number 7 in 7 years about. I've tried and tried and cycled through new therapist to find a fit forever. I've seen 3 or 4 psychiatrists too and literally tried probably 15 medications and I still feel exactly the same always.
I know even they can't change things for me and I have to actively work at feeling better and improving my life too but I have. I've improved my diet and exercise, losing almost 40 lbs this year, I took a vacation somewhere I always wanted to go, I got a better job, got my first apartment, bought a car, I still have a constant weight and some days I still just lie in bed and cry. It's been this way since I was about 12 or 13 and I'm 23 now. I still wonder passively about suicide often.
I've only been officially diagnosed with Major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Obviously nobody here can diagnose me and I'm not looking for that but I've heard some people say they had general depression/anxiety diagnoses that were actually caused by something else and once they got to what caused their depression/anxiety really they could better manage.
I feel like I've put it all on the line for so many therapists, psychiatrists, social workers, and whoever else and they all just say the same thing. MDD, GAD, think positively and get some exercise and you'll be fine.
I haven't withheld anything from them and have seen so many Drs I don't know how the miss rate would be so high but I really can't help but feel like something else is wrong but nobody can help me it seems like. I'm so frustrated and upset that I'm crying just typing this. I can't keep seeing a million therapists who all tell me the same thing for a decade to just still feel ignored and unheard the whole time, and never feel any better.
I don't know how to even get help anymore, it really really feels impossible
|
depression
|
I started having intrusive thoughts when I was 16. I'm 26 now, and the thoughts are still here.
These intrusive thoughts stopped me from living my life to the fullest.
And recently they became such a serious problem that I finally decided to consult a Psychiatrist.
Turns out I've OCD. I don't have any compulsive behavior, just obsessive thoughts. A whole lot of thoughts.
Going throught this sub has been very enligtning. Everyone here seems tired of these thoughts. Some even want to quit on life because of these thoughts and behavior patterns.
​
To everyone here, thanks for sharing your experince. It has helped put things into perspective for me.
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OCD
|
Hello! I was recently diagnosed with ADHD combined type and I recently started treatment with an online provider. They told me they would prescribe me Adderall but Texas doesn't allow online providers to prescribe controlled substances. Is it possible for me to get them to send a prescription to a pharmacy in Louisiana or do the same restrictions apply?
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ADHD
|
Hello! This has been going on for some time now but recently I’m getting a little worried about this. So I really tend to wash my feet a lot in a day because it feels dirty. I tend to wash my feet before going to bed every single time. (I spend most of my free time on my bed 😂) and if I were to forget something and get up to get it or if something were to happen that I have to get out of bed to walk, I will wash my feet again before getting back to bed after doing what I have to do. There are drying mats in the bathroom that I absolutely hate stepping on cause it feels dirty. After washing my feet, sometimes I accidentally graze over it, I would immediately wash my feet again. I not only wash my feet but I have to dry it with a towel before I feel clean. While walking back to my bed, if I step on something on the floor like maybe a piece of hair or something I will proceed to wash my feet again and the cycle continues. It’s honestly kinda exhausting and annoying but I can’t seem to get myself to stop this behaviour. I was wondering if it was something related to obsessive compulsive disorder? Does anyone else experience something like this too?
This has been going on about a few years now I guess probably 2-3? It didn’t start out as bad. I would just wash my feet 1/2 times a day and dry it on the mat in the bathroom. It then slowly evolves to washing it more times a day and sometimes with soap then drying it on mats, then washing even more in a day and drying it with a towel because the mats feel disgusting and finally if I were to step on smth or graze over the bathroom mats I would immediately wash it again. It just gets worse 😓
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OCD
|
Knit.
Like. Omigod. When I watch online lectures I just keep on watching the time thing on the bottom of the screen that indicates how far along we are in the lecture (they're prerecorded) and I either get distracted by counting how many more seconds there's left, what time I'll be done, if I'm taking notes I'll end up just copying the sheets instead of listening, and if I'm actually just try to listen I feel the need to do something else productive instead of just sit and watch, so I'll think 'Oh I wanted to look for this... should I... nah... Or maybe... I can do both, right? (NO)' and end up not listening.
I do some fidget things, keys, whatever, I have a fidget cube, but with those I'm either thinking too much about how I want to fidget or again, it still feels unproductive.
And then I started just taking my knitting needles and a random ... uhm... yarn... ball? What are words? In my defence English isn't my first language, don't come for me. But basically now I'm just knitting a random piece of fabric, not sure what it's gonna be yet, and it keeps me just distracted enough to not get bored, it's fairly productive, you don't really have to think about it but you have to look down every now and then to see what you're doing, and basically it's just perfect for me cause this way I can actually listen to what the lecturer is saying. Like usually I just want to speed things up, have the lecture on 2x speed, but now I can just sit and listen cause I'm being productive either way.
Just wanted to share that, maybe it might help someone haha
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ADHD
|
Hi, I’m 24F, have been treated for depression since I was 17 but I don’t remember ever not having it.
I have been thinking of suicide a lot lately. Specially when I was at my highest points. When I was in a “relationship”, doing a job that I love... just doesn’t seem enough.
After my SO kinda broke things of, I kinda thought “Damn, now if I do it he’ll think it’s because of him and feel guilty”
I’ve been regulating my meds and I can see the difference but it’s still not good enough.
I do feel anguished and sad at this moment because I lost someone important to me. But even before that, at my calmest, I thought maybe life just isn’t for me. And maybe it’s not just the depression, maybe it’s just my time.
I feel very rational about this. Not emotional at all.
Update:
Thank you so much for everyone’s messages and replies. I really didn’t expect this to get to this proportions.. I wish I could answer everyone but it’s all just really overwhelming. I almost deleted the post because it freaked me out a bit.
But you’re all really kind, I’m sorry so many of you are going through the same I am. If any of you ever need someone to talk to either, I’m here.
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depression
|
Hey there!
It's my first time posting here so bear with me.
I keep experiencing spikes in my heart rate. I'll be standing still talking and my heart rate is at 110bpm. I'll be walking around my house, doing the dishes, or washing my face and bam, my heart rate has spiked to 106bpm. (This is consistent across a number of devices I've used to check my heart rate throughout the day)
At the moment I'm dealing with this by stopping what I'm doing to sit down, take big belly breaths and sometimes even the Peter Levine voo breathing. But this is much harder when I'm in the middle of talking to someone, or standing at work (I work in customer service).
Does anyone have any advice in how to deal with/minimise heart rate spikes?
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ptsd
|
I've never tried to do that, i think it will ease the pain?
I know I sound crazy.
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depression
|
Anyone in Australia experienced difficulties in accessing workplace adjustments? I work fir a government organisation and it’s so difficult! What did you do?
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aspergers
|
Hi All,
Various relationships I have had, have broken down because I don’t stay in touch. I never message people to see how they are, and family members have gotten very upset about it.
Does anyone else have the same issue, where they find it very difficult to send a simple message to see how someone is doing?
|
aspergers
|
Edit: I can't edit the title but I realized I could have just said friendships
I'll start by saying I have not been diagnosed with ocd, but I saw a mental health professional for the first time in over two years and she stated that she seems to think I have ocd (she couldn't diagnose me because the actual evaluation takes place after the first appointment) which made me think this could be related.. I have cut off 99% of the people I have ever been friends with because they all have ended up irritating me one way or another, I just rekindled the friendship with one of them and it's coming back to me why I cut this one off, this ends up happening with everyone I become close with platonically; I cut them off when they don't "meet my standards" / act how I want them to act
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OCD
|
Of course I probably don't have the best spending habits but my crippling financial situation and impending huge life *changes are so much for me to process at one time. I'm not going to do anything rash but I'm questioning everything including my meds because I have been getting acid reflux all the time and it's been getting bad enough to make my throat hurt and feel swollen. If anyone knows of anything that might help I would appreciate anything you have to say. I don't think I can do college without meds. I had to pull over twice on the way home to drink water and keep myself from passing out. I live 6-8 miles from my job. Today is just all around rough.
* I'm about to start college in the spring semester after 5 years not touching any school but keeping up with the times and reading regularly, as well as my parents contemplating bringing my severely depressed little sister moving far enough away for me to almost never see them because I can't afford plane tickets now, let alone while having college debt.
Edit: I ate, had a little bit from a pill to keep the withdrawals at bay and I'm okay I guess. Still anxious but at least a little less in panic mode.
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ADHD
|
So I had an appointment with an ocd specialst today and she said it has an element of ocd but it could probably be something else. She said she isn’t entirely sure but there will be a way to treat me or something. This entire week I’m convinced I’m 100% gay I actually feel like fucking arousal. Like I want to suck a guys dick and I want to act like a girl. I rmember things from the past I completely forgot about like when I was 13 I sent a dick pic to a guy. The feelings are like actual arousal now and I feel like I have a crush on my friend like real shit now. In the beginning it was a mental image that killed me and I would die from this now I want all of this. Wtf happened. One more thing whenever I accept the thought that I will be gay I feel better and it’s whatever like I can sort of move on. Is it possible there were signs I were gay or I was suppressing it or something?
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OCD
|
Depression and pregnancy don’t mix. I’m just ready to go to sleep and not wake up, but I wish i didn’t feel that way because i love my baby boy and i’m excited he’s coming. It’s just so hard. This is the worst i’ve ever felt, while trying so hard not to feel this way. When will I feel free again?
|
depression
|
I hate being lonely...
...but no one gives me that peace.
Edit: I don't mean I need someone to put my OCD and so on on, just someone who understands what I'm going through, will be the light in this dark disorderly world and will be there for me to rest on when I need it.
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OCD
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I had so much trouble staying organized during school. My binder was always a mess and I would leave books needed for homework at school by accident. This would piss my parents of so much they would scream at me for it. They knew I had adhd, and they STILL yelled at me about me being disorganized or forgetful. It’s like they just didn’t know how to handle my struggles. This made my anxiety so bad. I remember the times my mom would tear apart my school binder in front of me, completely livid about how unorganized it was; and I sat there paralyzed with fear.
This hasn’t changed much today. My mom still throws a fit whenever she or anyone can’t find something, and I see myself acting the same way.
Did anyone else have parents who knew you adhd, but they still got pissed at you for the symptoms? Is how they acted still effecting you years later?
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ADHD
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(idk if this flair is right sorry)
what are some songs/movies/anything rlly that helps you get through harder OCD days? mine are the movie Lady Bird (i’ve had to have seen it like 5 times by now), the greatest by lana del rey bc “i want shit to feel just like it used to” lol and also funeral by phoebe bridgers bc i love a good cry :)
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OCD
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If the self harming is a legit way that it helps me calm down then is it ok? I mean I think it is better to have cuts on my arm then to end up killing myself because I didn’t relive it.
Does that make sense?
I cut sometimes and it is like water to a fire. If it’s not actually going to do all that much then is it better to do that then risk me breaking down and killing myself?
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depression
|
This is my first post here I believe, so let me know if there's a problem with this post! I'm not asking for a diagnosis obviously, just some insight.
TL;DR: I thought my ADHD like struggles was due to depression, but it has kept affecting me even when I'm not depressed and it's only getting worse with age.
*With that said, to the topic:*
I've been thinking for a few years whether it's possible that I have inattentive ADHD. When I had my autism assessment at age 21 (got diagnosed with autism) and did the WAIS test I scored borderline intellectually disabled on working memory, which prompted the psychologist to make me take the QB test, but because I scored really well on it (felt like a game to me), ADHD was never investigated further.
Now, for years I thought that my struggles with motivation, focus and the like was just due to depression as I was pretty severely depressed from the ages of 15-19, but these issues have never gone away. In fact, I feel like it's only getting worse even when I'm in a good place mentally.
I don't think focus and motivation was as big of an issue as a kid, but my whole life I've always struggled with reading. Not the act of reading, but being able to focus on it as I find it so understimulating and often need to re-read what I've read because I didn't comprehend a lot of it. Whenever there's a long text in front of me, no matter the subject, my eyes dart all over the place so I might read one sentence in one paragraph only to suddenly move on to the end of the text and then back to the middle... Actually being able to focus on a text is very rare for me and it makes me sad that I'm missing out on reading books.
Almost always when I'm watching a youtube video, film or series, I keep going back and forth between different tabs and playing simple stimulating games on my phone, checking other things on my phone and fidgeting.
While I struggle a lot with starting tasks since I entered my teens, finishing things have always been a struggle, at least when it comes to all the projects I had going on as a kid. I always had multiple creative projects at the same time and I probably finished no more than 20% of them. I also used to come up with my own games all the time and was just highly creative in general.
I'm not hyperactive, but what I've noticed is that often when I'm sat down in a school setting or similar my body starts to itch which means I need to scratch myself or adjust my clothes more than the average person. I'm seeing everyone else perfectly still and I wonder how they are not itching. I don't mind being in one place for a longer time (I just kinda zone out if I need to wait), but it's like my body minds it somehow. I can also be quite fidgety (in addition to my typical autistic stims) and remember doodling a lot in school.
Despite being detail-oriented, I make careless (which is such a stupid thing to call it, since I don't make mistakes by not caring!!) sometimes like reading bus timetables wrong despite literally having checked it multiple times to make sure I'm not making a mistake... Idk if things like that is the reason why I'm always checking things multiple times because I never trust myself. Just buying something online takes a lot of checking how many of the item I picked, my card details, address, etc. because I fear that I will have accidentally fucked something up. This might be why I don't make mistakes *that* often, but every time it happens it feels like my brain just had a blind spot that no matter how many times I checked I still could not see the mistake until after. Like when you can't see something that's right in front of you. Basically, I feel like it might be an area where I'm overcompensating.
I always make a mess in my space, even if I swear every time I clean that THIS is the last time and NOW I'm gonna stay clean and organised! Things end up in piles and everything gathers lots of dust no matter what.
As I said, it's only getting harder to get stuff done and focus the older I get which is sooo frustrating. Even if I know I will enjoy something when I'm actually doing it, it often feels IMPOSSIBLE to get started!!!
I once read somewhere (sadly can't remember where) about how while hyperactive ADHD tends to be described as being driven by a motor, inattentive ADHD is like lacking a motor and that's EXACTLY of how I feel!!
My dad VERY likely had inattentive ADHD as well.
I could go on, but I assume you guys' attention spans will struggle reading all of this already lmao. However, if you did read it all, please share your thoughts on if you think this is something that's worth looking into further and if this resonates with your experience :)
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ADHD
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So, I had to change psychiatrists (long story) and the new one said she was not so sure I had ADHD, that it seemed to her that I had "agitated depression", so she prescribed me SSRIs (Venlafaxin) and forwarded me to some more tests. I was on methylphenidate (medikinet) XR before.
I told her that the methylphenidate had helped with mood swings and executive function (I actually don't feel like banging my head on the wall when I have to work on smth or do dishes, and I do them a few minutes after I think about doing them, not hours later) but it was not really helping with continuous focus or my neverending thoughts stream.
I was doing some reading and saw that some people using SSRIs experienced worsening of the ADHD symptoms and that sometimes it canceled the effect of the stimulants. Since it is a medication that is not so easy to stop taking once you start, I am a bit scared to start taking it, so I wanted to know what are your experiences on this.
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ADHD
|
I’m a new diagnosed ADHD, like less than a month ago. I was prescribed adderall and in the morning it’s great. It helps me stay focused getting ready for work and stay on task while seeing patients. However, in the afternoon I feel like it does nothing. My mind stays (I’m actually in a charting class right now). I can’t stay on task when charting and can’t focus.
Is it normal/common to need a larger dose in the afternoon? I know it can keep you up, but I have no issues going to sleep at night.
Thanks in advance for all your help and advice ❤️
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ADHD
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* Has anyone had their OCD go away on its own? I (22) had something that looked a lot like OCD\* for about 2 years around age 11. I never went anywhere near a mental health professional (so no diagnosis), but it kind of... went away on its own? Still pretty anxious/ have very 'mechanical', repeated thinking but not to an obsessive extent. Can this be a thing (maybe because I was so young) or was it just not OCD then?
* I counted myself lucky and didn't think about it much but I am about to start sertraline (Zoloft) for depression and I'm a bit worried that it might 'fuck with' whatever equilibrium my brain has reached re the (potential) OCD. Eg would it be possible that the depression gets fixed, I stop taking the sertraline and then the OCD comes back?
\* Various intrusive thoughts including imagining people naked, wanting every touch or movement of my body including breaths to be 'symmetric' or even; most saliently, obsessive thoughts that I was stealing + very noticeable compulsive shaking of my hands and arms to divest myself of imaginary potentially 'unnoticed' stolen goods that could be in my hands or up my sleeve.
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OCD
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How do your comorbid disorders present? I haven’t found a lot of articles about adhd when you’re also on the spectrum. I’m starting to wonder if I also have adhd, so anything would be helpful.
Some symptoms are contradicting. Like: trouble organizing tasks and being extremely organized or missing details and noticing small details. Also craving structure and being impulsive/disorganized.
With me personally it kind of feels like the two disorders are constantly fighting each other.
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aspergers
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TRIGGER WARNING: Drug use, overdose.
I've never posted on reddit so if I do something wrong please be nice.
Last summer my close friend overdosed while we were partying. I was on vacation in california and I felt responsible because I had paid for most of the drugs. Long story short we don't talk anymore.
I don't know how to deal with some of these feelings afterward. I'm scared every day for her. I don't know if she got help or just went back to drugs. I'm unable to sleep a full night without nightmares and cold sweats. I try to distract myself at every waking moment but theres so many images burned into my head it sends me spiraling to be reminded of it. Alot of cartoons make some graphic stuff ok to watch over live action stuff. But limp or dead bodies on tv, pulling peoples dead eyes open, cpr, defibrilator sounds, the song Stayin Alive, ambulances and sirens. I relive it all every time.
After it happened I was stuck in a rental car for days until my flight, and the smell of everything.. new car smell makes me cry. We did so much coke I flinch at the smell of paper money. All my clothes reaked of sex and I'm scared to hookup with people again. All I could think to do at the time was just play some random song on loop while I sat in the moment. Just to have something on and not ruin the music I like, trying to bind my feelings to some other kind of stimulus.
I don't know how to live like this. Its been months and I still think about her every day but I can't talk to her. I lost my job to covid and the only thing I have had the mental fortitude to do since then is Postmates. It's so hard to function or even think. I feel like I just wake up exhuasted and I'm in a haze. I've had those times when I was just "going through the motions" but not like this. It's almost Febuary and I don't even remember what I did for Christmas, let alone the past 7 months. It's hard being around my other friends. I swore off hard drugs and I only use weed now but it's scary watching my friends on coke and xans.
I've seen dozens of therapists during my childhood and they did a great job of making me not trust them. I've looked into group therapy with Narcotics Anonymous but every local place is heavily religious and 12-step oriented (the kinds of places that focus on indoctrinating people instead of helping them). Playing the numbers game with therapists seems like a long shot and I definitely can't afford it. The internet is the only place that makes sense to vent like this.
I don't have any loved ones I can be confidential with about this. Talking about it sometimes feels cathartic in the moment but it just makes my nightmares that much more vivid later. I'm unfamiliar with other kinds of resources for this and even if I could afford some of the more traditional ones, I've personally been failed by them too much to give it an honest go.
Any suggestions are helpful.
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ptsd
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Literally this. Everyone always seems to think I am completely insane with the things I say or think. My partner , my friends and my family. The only place I get a peace of mind is at my group therapy or with my psychiatrist. Is this what it is going to be like? That only professionals and other people with severe PTSD can understand me? I feel so extremely rejected by all the others. Sometimes I think it is better to be alone aside from my therapists and group therapy members. It's kind of hard to explain what I feel aside from this stabbing feeling of rejection from simply not being understood by the people that you love. Is this recognizable? I'd like to feel less rejected and alone.
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ptsd
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For those who are on the autism spectrum and are not heterosexual and/or cisgendered, and who came out later then their teens, do you believe that part of the reason you may have taken so long to admit to yourself that you weren’t straight and/or Cis is because you were masking your sexuality/gender to better fit in.
I’ve been thinking about this recently and feel that I certainly did.
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aspergers
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I DON’T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I’M GONNA HAVE TO TELL YALL MOTHER F*CKERS!!! LIKE OK YOU WASH YOUR HANDS AND OK YOU LIKE YOUR MARKERS ORGANIZED!!!! I DON’T GIVE A FUCK!! THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE OCD! MY GOD- WHEN WILL YALL LEARN!!!! (obviously this is not directed towards any of you, I just can’t with people anymore- so this is what I would loveeeeee to scream in their faces)
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OCD
|
I have a brain condition that doesn't easily allow me to take meds, especially stimulants, so I'll be living with my symptoms pretty much unmedicated.
I'm the inattentive type. Disorganized, messy, forgetful, doesn't finish anything I started, can't seem to get started on tasks I do need to do, etc.
So how do I explain this to my husband in a constructive way? He said I should've told him BEFORE we got marriage (I didn't know myself til recently) — him saying that is hurtful, of course, but what can I do!
Do you have any tips on how we can conquer this together? Any systems you have? Or maybe how I can get it better together so I'm not in his way?
Thanks!
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ADHD
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Hi as a way to just distract myself from OCD (yeah, this might sound weird) I recently started playing around with the idea of an app that might track my compulsions. I just thought of the idea that I could actually not just make it something that has a configurable list and tracks when you give in/resist (of course with the goal of seeing the resist counter go up), but could also use it as a means of exposure.
The first idea for this is to just enter a common obsession, like COVID-19, and then add a YouTube video that you can play to expose yourself to the obsession and see if you can resist. It's not really a game, it's more so the therapy work that I've been trained to do (although I struggle to).
So right now a user could create a new task/obsession, could optionally add a YouTube video, and then it also tracks every time you press give in/resist. I also started messing with the idea of geo-tracking where you are when you press them as I currently struggle a ton while on walks and think it might be interesting to see patterns or areas that might expose me to more obsessions.
If anybody has any ideas, would love to hear them! It's just a side hobby right now, nothing too serious but if the community is open to it I could make it a joint effort, at least on the ideas front!
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OCD
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So I have been starting Ritalin for 2 weeks and increasing my dose. I decided today to take 20mg in the morning and then 10mg after lunch. 20mg usually loses its effect after 4~5hours so afterwards I take 10mg to do some studying for a few hours. But today I forgot to eat breakfast and only had soup for lunch (13:30 second dose). But now at 15:30 I felt weird in my head and was feeling nauseous in the car. I was getting worried. I got off and feeling a bit better. Could this a side effect of not eating enough?
(I talked to my psychiatrist yesterday and allowed me to try 20+10mg)
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ADHD
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every time she comes home from work and we can hang out i just end up having a breakdown and crying alone in my bed. i keep telling her that i feel too horrible and that ive ruined everything and she literally keeps telling me i didnt and she misses me and that i didnt do anything bad but i dont believe her at all. my ocd keeps telling me that i did something long ago thatd make her uncomfortable and im desperately trying to remember if i did this but i CANT. i just fucking cant remember anything about it no matter how long i think about it every day and its driving me insane. i hate that i have to confess to her or ill feel too awful to even talk to her. im just gonna end up avoiding her for all of today because of this and it hurts because i dont want to
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OCD
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I feel like I am happiest when I am the most uncomfortable and must focus on something big in front of me so that I have no weird thoughts. Although I am stressed, it almost feels like a good type of stress. I'm not bored and must adapt to the new situations in front of me. I have tried in the past to live a lowkey life and to do lowkey things just like everyone else around me, but I just feel/felt so miserable. I honestly feel so embarrassed sometimes for the way I act and the things I do to gain stimulation. I also hate that I can't ever truly relax, is what it feels like. But at the same time making my schedule and life really busy, especially with things I'm not 100% comfortable with, does make it feel like I'm living my absolute "fullest" life. This is also unfortunate bc I'm ngl it has led to me overstaying in toxic situations with toxic people before, just in the search of stimulation. Does this apply to anyone else? Do you guys know if this is healthy or not?
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ADHD
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This is difficult to articulate so please be patient.
Part of my trauma is from being sexually abused. I meet someone i chould make myself vulnerable to and see myself getting intimate with but he broke my heart in a very cruel manner.
I met someone the other day, he lives down the hall from me. He invited me over, fed me, we watched a movie. He put his hand under my shirt and rubbed my back. He was a gentleman about it, didn't mess with my bra or anything. And i let it happen.
I don't recall the last time I've had human contact. A couple months ago maybe? And i was so touch starved i told him not to stop when he backed off.
But i don't know if I'm ready to be vulnerable again, if I'm ready to be intimate in any manner. He seems like a nice guy, very respectful and giving. But my head is so muddled i don't know if I'm ready to even try going anywhere. I'm still at the point where it feels like people being nice to me is a trap, but I'm so freaking lonely.
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ptsd
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at first i was convinced that i did something awful, but now the details are constantly changing and i’m wondering if it’s related to ocd. i don’t even remember anything else about what happened, i only know what i might have done. i’m always doubting my memories now and i hate that i will never know the truth. i know that i did awful things and that i used to be a bad person but there’s just too much confusion in my memories.
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OCD
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Finding it very tricky to support without enabling, especially as OCD has developed in response to a legitimate concern about spreading long standing warts (being treated by podiatrist and hopefully clearing following a needling treatment) Teenager knows they can be spread and reasonable precautions have morphed to completely overboard and overwhelming. I initially sought to comfort and relieve distress (first instinct as parent right?) when concerns first flared but now find myself caught up in her compulsions and having to wean her off my help whilst keeping my own head straight (and temper/irritation under control). Pandemic has definitely not helped contagion OCD!
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OCD
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So, I was “officially” diagnosed with ocd this year. I’m also diagnosed with atypical anorexia but that’s besides the point. I tend to have intrusive thoughts and I like things to be “clean” - not obsessed kind of clean? I’m assuming my doctors think that I have contamination obsession because I tend to avoid places especially food courts etc. I mean you don’t know what touched it? + You never know if it’s actually thoroughly clean.
Anyways, I’m seeing my psychologist again this friday and recently, I’ve been having some intrusive thoughts. It mainly affects me and it’s basically putting myself at risk / in danger. I wont die, that I can guarantee because I’ve done it before. I just keep thinking / want to believe that by doing this, it will be the last time. But knowing me, it probably won’t be + I’ll do even worse next time.
It sucks because I am a self-proclaimed nihilist and hence, generally do not see a point in life. The only thing keeping me alive right now is my mother. I could never impose such or any pain on her, which is why I will not involve her. My best friend tells me going through with this “thought” / “plan” is not worth it and I know that but, I remember the first time I did it and afterwards, my thoughts, my head was quiet. It was peaceful. It stopped suggesting random things that can harm me or anyone. I know that thought =/= plan but I don’t know what defines it as a plan. I mean you can get a thought / idea of how to execute something but does that mean it’s a plan? I’m not so sure.
PS I don’t have any known compulsions so I don’t exactly think i have ocd. I don’t know what their definition of obsessions are so I don’t know if I have any as well.
Another PS, what if it’s not ocd and it’s actually just me.
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OCD
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Is this common? I switched to a new doctor, I was previously seeing a psychiatrist and prescribed 60mg of adderall a day. This is my first time seeing a gp for my medication management, he is actually my husbands doctor who he sees for med management for adhd as well. Anyway, I told him that the adderall works great but each pill lasts 3 hours and I needed it to last all day, he then recommended a 3rd pill and I now have a new prescription for 90mg a day. The thing is though, he also said “how is it that all of a sudden there are so many people with adhd and when this wasn’t the case 20 years ago” (he’s been practicing for 30 years btw) he thinks adhd is overly diagnosed which may be true but I do indeed have it and my meds definitely help. He then told me I can’t be medicated forever and to look up literature online on how to handle my symptoms. And I was like whaaaat..I mean if there was a way for me to function like this without meds I would but I can’t. Some of his recommendations were to keep notes of important things I need to do etc which I used to do but would forget to do all the time because of my adhd, anyway he made me feel shitty like I should be able to better handle my symptoms without meds if I tried. But then hands me more meds anyway with a “yeah you will eventually get addicted to these and if you need pills to function on a day to day basis then there’s a problem. It’s just called life you have to be able to handle it without meds” idk how to feel….
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ADHD
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My brain says i have done things i haven't.And i have a fear that im going to say these intrusive thoughts out loud and that my phone is recording everything i say.And when it looks like i said something i have to delete my online accounts and even files on my pc.I am literaly imprisoned by my own goddamn brain.Does anyone else have something simmiliar?
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OCD
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I have ASD, OCD, GAD, and BPD. I’m not ridged I’m serated.
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aspergers
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i cant make this longer since i am tired
i realy stressed about my homework i was out for a week so i chouldt attend classes but when i came home back home my parents just said now go do your pending work.i chouldt even rest in the car because the car was moveing alot and there was alot of music i am writteing this down while oding my homework because i have already lost 7 friends all because of rumors my home friend was using me to get her crush since i was friend with her crush its been really hard for me to handle all of this i am crying at night listening to music its a harsh time to me
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depression
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When ever I try to research something I always go through the same steps.
1. I Google / Google Scholar the thing I want
2. I find a lot of the titles really interesting so I open them all up in new tabs
3. I realise that this is a lot of information and don't want to lose it so I make a word document to save all the links
4. I realise that this is really a lot of information
5. I get overwhelmed by thinking about all the information
6. I get down trodden because I know that if I try and read all of this I will forget almost all of it
7. think about having to take notes on all of it to enable me to remember it
8. Get overwhelmed by the amount of notes I will need to take
9. Get entirely over whelmed and procrastinate ( Like for example writing a reddit post about the issue I am struggling with)
I feel like I can't not open all the links at the start because what if I miss something and of course I need to research this area so I'm going to have to read all of these things eventually. Logically I know that I shouldn't and am not expected to know everything about everything straight away but at the same time if I don't try and do it all at the same time I will forget and potentially just never do it
Do you have any advice on how I can not get overwhelmed when trying to research a topic?
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ADHD
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Anyone else have a tetris effect and anxiety? When i finish something i feel like im still doing it in my mind for a few seconds.
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OCD
|
I don’t get how anyone else does it. How can anyone be content to be here? How do people not just hit a certain age where they just kinda realise this is all there is and that it’s fucking boring? You just do the same shit basically every day, just fill in time each day over and over again until one day, if you’re lucky, you die of old age. There’s no substance to any of it. None of it matters. Nothing feels worth doing to me.
I’ve tried to find some kind of enjoyment or just something in anything, I really have. It’s not like I *want* to feel like everything anyone does on this planet is worthless. But I guess I can’t force myself to care and I really just can’t see the point of any of it. There’s people who find meaning in their work, but I don’t have any career goals, there’s no job I’m ever going to care about more than just to pay my rent. Which that alone feels like enough reason to off myself, because you spend a majority of your time on the planet at work and so if you know you’re not the type of person who’s ever going to care about it, that means most of your time here might as well not happen.
I’ve tried finding hobbies I enjoy, but I just can’t. It’s like something is missing in me. Best I can hope for is that I can get a day or two of distraction before I realise how bored I am again and put down the hobby because I don’t see the point anymore. Tried getting outside, travelling, but it’s pointless too. Everywhere just feels the same to me. Basically just me being suicidally depressed but with a different background.
Tried finding a point in people, but fuck are we just a disappointing species. I can’t connect with anyone. Most people are just fucking worthless. Only ever met one person who I even remotely *wanted* to hang out with and she turned out to be just as shitty as the rest of them, just took her sweet fucking time to show it. Even worse because apparently part of my brain didn’t get the memo and so I still have this inbuilt need for connection or even just for sex, but I literally can’t fulfil either of them. Feels like being born allergic to water or something. I know I can’t have any real connection with anyone, but apparently I need to in order to have sex. I’ve tried so many times without it and it’s just awful. It makes me feel weirdly sick and I literally can’t orgasm. I’ve never once been able to orgasm during sex. Guess it’s just one more way in broken. The only time I’ve ever experienced any kind of sexual satisfaction has been in dreams, and in those it’s usually with that one old friend who I actively try to keep out of my head so even whatever small comfort those dreams might’ve brought is corrupted.
Only conclusion I can reach is that I just don’t fucking belong here. Clearly I’m missing some critical pieces that I need to be able to feel like living another 50+ years of this shit is anything but awful. But yet I’m still here because I guess even killing myself is more energy than I have left to expend. I just wish someone would fucking shoot me in the head or run me over or something.
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ptsd
|
I don't know if this is actually an autism thing (I'm not even sure if I have it), but things like "humans are meaningless on a cosmic scale" don't really phase me like they seem to affect others.
Anybody else feel similarly?
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aspergers
|
I've been taking depression and anxiety meds for about am year now and started to notice hair loss. Didn't think much of it at the start since I thought it's because I moved to a new place so probably the water isn't that good or new shampoo or something
But a friend of mine who also takes depression meds said the same thing
Is this a known issue or common side effect of depression meds?
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depression
|
I really can’t tell the difference when people are using an angry tone of voice or a “corporate” tone of voice . Am I alone in this regard?
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aspergers
|
Something I really struggle with is the thought of it actually happening. I'm worried that it never happened, but that I made it up to get attention. I've been told in my past repeatedly that what I thought happened, wasn't true, maybe a way for them to deny it, I don't know.
But now I'm stuck with the struggle. Thoughts that keep spooking in my head and I don't know what to do with them. Everyone else's problems always seem worse, and when I see something triggering, I always start doubting myself, telling myself it wasn't real, it wasn't that bad, I made it up. I'm so tired and I just don't know what to do
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ptsd
|
For me it is art. The only thing I have is art. I've been abused throughout my life. I've also has beautiful experience but the abuse heavily outweighs those.
But making my art is everything to me. If I am dead I cannot create art. Knowing other people own my art or have it tattooed...means a lot to me. Its great and all..But more than anything just creating is my raison d'etre
What is your raison d'etre? Or why you stay alive?
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ptsd
|
I'm butchering this but,
Is it a common tendency to experience the same type of trauma with different people?? I swear all the PTSD and trauma are all variations of the same experience. I'm not purposefully flocking to the type of abusive person. It just ends up that I get the same type of abuse and trauma from different people i meet... It's sucks :(
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ptsd
|
Hi everyone :)
I have ADHD-C. I'm also going through a rough patch of depression, so the boredom is extra painful because I also don't have a lot of motivation / joy. I also found a med that helps my depression and it's getting slowly sorted but the road is still long.
However, the next few hours after I take my vyvanse 30mg in the morning, I am calm, really okay and productive.
But it just lasts approximately 3 hours and after that I am so bored that I can't do anything. I start doing something, and after 2 minutes I'm so bored it's painful. And it makes me even more depressed. Like it almost physically hurt because.
I'm looking for tips, advices, experience with this... :)
I've had a very very rough year mentally speaking, and I need a little bit more relief than the 3hours I get from the vyvanse.
My psychiatrist isn't open for the moment to giving me a booster dose in the afternoon.
Thank you :)
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ADHD
|
(PLease no "It gets better" or "Seek professional help" / Obvious things comments)
I have pretty crippling depression and anxiety and I believe I have undiagnosed agoraphobia. I have only left my house like 20\~ times in 5-6\~ years. Seeing all these people I graduated with having families or buying houses or doing all these things and I can barely leave my room/house really just adds to everything.
I feel like dying everyday and each one is a struggle to continue on. I genuinely have no one and nothing to live for and I know that It's my fault and nothing will get better if I don't get out and do things, but Its just an endless cycle of "Depressed because I can't, Can't because I'm depressed" and I just feel like I've wasted so much time now, whats the point?
Living Is pretty miserable.
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depression
|
It was about 2 or 3 years ago something I have not dealt with triggered my PTSD and ever since then I could not sleep like I used too ps growing up I slept through loud music and stuff but now I can't anymore does anyone have advice?
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ptsd
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I’ve started a new medicine regimen recently. I’m on Prozac (20mg), and now Wellbutrin XL (150 mg). I’m on about week three heading into four, and I don’t think it’s made a difference. I’m actually really emotionally and mentally struggling right now, so I’m afraid that maybe it’s just not working.
For reference, I’ve been officially diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, anxiety, social anxiety, ADHD, and depression.
I’m pretty much always anxious. It’s hard to really fully enjoy things because fear and doubt undermine the joy a lot. I’ve become much more reclusive and avoidant of everyone because I’m afraid of not being fun enough/being around people can be tiring for me, and I’m always worried they’ll be mad at me. I’ve been crying a lot and have had a lot of trouble with anxious/intrusive/negative thinking. I rely on Benadryl and sleep to stave off anxiety. I don’t really do much, and don’t exercise. It’s ruining my life.
I do go to therapy, and, while I have an awesome therapist, I’m still not changing much yet.
I’m just super scared that I won’t get better. I have a lot to lose if I don’t.
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depression
|
I don't know what to do. I'm trying my very best to accept the fact that I'm never gonna be attractive enough to be even considered a worthy human being. What has helped you? How did you find peace?
Please leave your toxic positivity out of this post, I don't need it. And I don't need comments telling me I'm not ugly. I need advice how to live with it.
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depression
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I couldn't be with him because of Covid protocol, and he was absolutely terrified to be taken by strangers. I fucking loved that dog
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depression
|
First time Reddit poster, apologies for any errors/mistakes.
Recently (3 months ago) diagnosed ADHD-i at 34yo (F) successfully medicated on combination of Vyvanse and Dexamphetamine. Still figuring things out.
Forgot to take meds today (worked night shift last night, normally would sleep until lunch, get up, take 10-15mg Dex to get me through the afternoon) and am now at the in-laws for dinner and struggling massively. TV volume way too loud, MIL and Aunt speaking at loud volume over the TV, and stubborn and argumentative on every topic, won't listen to me on topics that I am well experienced/educated on, just want to believe the opinions they have already formed in their head and not open to any other ideas.
My chest is tight, heart rate elevated and I just feel incredibly uncomfortable.
Just needed to vent and don't want to disturb my husband at work.
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ADHD
|
I have been avoiding self harm for past 2 years. It's so hard. Bec of that I had to find something which I enjoy and get burnout every time. I brought minecraft just bec I know I will have great time exploring and chill. Which I can't do irl anyway. I know it's pretty addictive so that's why I only play minecraft weekly once. I just want to tell my parents that I play any game just so that I don't eat drowned in my sucidal thoughts. I have been doing this from 5th class and never told anything about this. But after I came out about my depression. They changed no freedom, no privacy, no happiness.. Why? Just so that I can be "happy". I kept some hope in them just so that they will be happy. At this point, I am scared of myself. U might think it's just a kid ranting about how she can't play games. I don't know any other copping methods. I had been having symptoms from the time I am able to remember shit in my life. My whole pre-teen was just me secretly crying every night about how I'm so scared to go to school. Trying not cry at school. Being so tried to go tuition and try to be happy just so that they don't call my parents. Coming home dead inside every fucking day. I just don't remember anything which made happy from my primary school age. The only thing which I remember using was just listernig to music and playing games. It made me not think of my life which is slowly ruining every sec. Covid 19 hit me hard like a train. Being locked up in a dark room. Rarely coming out. Just crying every day. At a point where dark rooms started slowly comforting me. No one was there to tell me shittly advice every day. No one asked me. No one talked to me. My only friend was also started having alot suicidal thoughts and I was always there to comfort her. While I was trying not hurt myself just bec i promised my first online friend to not hurt myself. It was tempting. There were sharpener every where. Just me trying get it's blade out. Just seeing it. Having meltdown every time and my parents banging on the door scares me.i listened to the same advice every single day at a point where I started panicking when ever they started talking. Just not able cry in the house. After my parents toke me therapist. The only thing which helped me is sleeping. It makes me so happy when ever I feel dozy. Just the feeling of dying. Now took My mom's seeing and they didn't ask me anything. They stopped giving us tablets. I have not been able to sleep for the past month . I just want sleep. I want to talk to people without thinking what they are thinking about me. I don't want overthink. I just to sleep. Everything is hard. I'm growing up everyday. I'm not seen as a child EVEN THO IM STILL A CHILD. Studies are getting hard. I tried everything. Writing. Sewing going out. Walking. Talking. Nothing. I just want to stop breathing. My mom wants me to try religion. I hate God so much. If he cared for us why would he kill us. Why would we be depressed. What is he doing? Doesn't he has like 100 more people to give responsibility to take care of us. Why would be give us depression. Thank you. U can ignore now u worked hard for who ever reading this. Thank you again for giving your time to read this.
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depression
|
i feel so shitty about it. i hear these horrible things that happened to people and i cant help but think "that sucks. maybe if that happened to me people would care."
it's disgusting even to admit, but the "r word" is the most common occuring fantasy... im still young. when i was ten i was in a sexual relationship with a ninteen year old guy online. when i tried to break it off he told me that of course i didnt love him, there was someone else better than him, that he should just kill himself, just trying to get me to stay. he sent me a d\*\*k pic once (i didnt ask for it) and he talked so much about us meeting and doing "it."
i think about it so much but i know im not the victim. i was the one who searched for someone to talk to about sexual things and i told him i was sixteen. i know it was all my fault but i just want someone to tell me that it wasnt. i know it sounds fucking horrible. i know im a terrible person. i just want someone to notice that something is wrong. i dont even care if they abandon me. i know i deserve it. at least i have the comfort of knowing what people think.
so i want something undeniably bad to happen to me. i want to KNOW that i am the victim. because right now im not. i didnt know what i was getting myself into and i would do anything to go back. but right now i can only hope that something bad happens to me or i gain the courage to talk to someone. i just need someone to pay attention.
of course i think about other things happening to me. but this is the most common. it makes me feel so shitty and i just want to kill myself. there are so many contributing factors to my inner shitfuck of a mind, but this one is one of the biggest. and all i can do to deal with it is just not think about it.
does anyone else feel similar to this? i guess it would give me some peace of mind to hear someone talk about it. or to have a conversation with someone who doesnt know me. maybe i could help give you some peace of mind too.
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depression
|
I feel so alone. I want to talk, but I can't really. I wish I could cry and cut but it's difficult now without being seen. I want someone to acknowledge how I feel, but holiday's are coming up so I don't want to ruin the mood. I don't want to spend time with my family this Christmas. I want to be alone and cry and cut. How do I get out of this
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depression
|
i’m not diagnosed but since learning about pure-o ocd have been wondering if that could be what i’m experiencing. i want to talk to my psychiatrist about this but i get worried that it’s just normal and i’m minimizing the severity of ocd. or that the thoughts are real/true, which is the big fear obviously. basically i am wondering if it’s possible to only have 1 theme with pure ocd (mine would be reverse-tocd, as in im a trans guy but worried that i’m actually a cis woman) and have it last for ~4.5 years. and whether depression can mask the anxiety caused by the thoughts, so they’re still distressing but not in the way people typically describe?
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OCD
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Even with medication it’s a struggle to keep consistent focus on doing productive things. It’s the final week of college classes for the semester and I’m in serious crunch mode trying to get all of my big assignments (along with other late assignments from throughout the semester) turned in by the 7th.
The thing is, every time I finally manage to settle down and get into the right headspace to focus on my work my parents interrupt me and make me do something around the house for them. So I’ll stop working and then spend an hour struggling through whatever it is they’re asking me to do, and when I’m finally able to get back to my work that productive headspace that I was in is gone.
It’s so fucking frustrating. I’ve tried explaining to my family how difficult it is for me to maintain focus but they make no effort to be understanding or accommodating. They’ve made it very clear since I got diagnosed that they dont think me having ADHD is a good excuse for having trouble with stuff like this. As far as they’re concerned I just need to “buckle down and do it” whenever I’m struggling to finish something, and I’m starting to worry that I really am just being fucking stupid about it and that the amount of effort I’m putting in isn’t enough. I feel like I’m trying hard but I don’t know anymore.
Is it normal to have focus issues like this or is this just a dumbass me thing that I need to get over? I feel like I’m going insane
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ADHD
|
Hello, first of all im not officially diagnosed with OCD but i think ive been struggling with it. Im trying to get my life back together because i believe it's not healthy. It's getting to the point where i can make people uncomfortable, im losing my personality and im not "me" anymore. Ive been fighting it and ive gotten a little better but there's one thing that im struggling on. When to say sorry. I want to talk to people without saying sorry, it's always i say sorry this or sorry that, people even ask me why i say sorry so much. I used to make slightly offensive jokes back when i didn't have this issue. I could actually joke and connect with my friends and make people laugh. Now I can't, I'm always second guessing what I say and i apologize right after i make a slightly offensive joke because my minds like "what if their offended" thing is, it won't even be about them i could be poking fun at someone else (obviously not telling the person) you know nothing harmful. It's just my personality is kinda like dark offensive humor but not really trying to do offend anyone. But now that this has started I can't even connect with anybody humor wise, i I feel like I've lost some my personality, and i can notice people are getting irritated of it. What do i do, I desperately want to fix my life and joke with people again. But I'm always worried if they're offended. Please help, thank you!
|
OCD
|
The incidents leading up to the most traumatic moments of my life, leading to my journey with PTSD, all involved me drinking to the point of blacking out. Last week I got so drunk with a few new friends that I completely blacked out. I lost my phone and I threw up semi-conscious. Went to work the next day and had to take a nap under my desk...when I woke up, I threw up in my garbage can.
Both times I was sexually assaulted, I was drunk. Last week I made it home safe by some miracle but god, I'm so angry with myself for the mistakes I've made. But I've decided to quit drinking. I'm proud to have come to this decision but I have no idea what I'm doing.
I'm a performer and all my friends are party animals. I have no idea how I'm going to resist the urge to drink. Without liquor I'm terrified to be intimate with anyone and terrified to sing, which I'm extremely passionate about. Alcohol turns me into an extrovert but it also makes me so vulnerable. I can't do it anymore.
I'm just trying to build up inner strength at this point. It's so strange...my rape was years ago but it feels as fresh as the night it happened, despite time passing and therapy. Trauma works in mysterious ways.
I don't know what the point of all this was...but I'm struggling. It was easy to decide I'm not drinking anymore. But building up the permanent strength to replace the temporary bravery alcohol gives me is going to be difficult. Can anyone relate?
|
ptsd
|
I have harmed since a child biting taste buds off my tongue but now it’s escalated to open sores ripping scabs and digging for ingrown hairs, I even urge to taste the blood and scabs
|
OCD
|
Last weekend I received an enormous outpouring of support from r/aspergers \- with replies from interesting to verbal to strange to difficult.... all of which made me feel much more "ordinary" and much improved my desire to remain alive.
After a tough week, my condition and a good local doctor friend and a compassionate dentist - looks like I'll be able to get the oral surgeries and with luck, live through this cardiac infection.
I think you can count this one as a "Save" my friends. No WAY would I have put my best mind forward on this without you folks.
​
JEH, INdiana
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aspergers
|
I have a question, what is your opinion on this?
I am thinking of writing a book about my OCD diagnosis. It should contain some general information about the disorder, but mostly I want to describe the types of compulsions that have affected me, how I struggle in my everyday life, how therapy and clinic stays have helped me, the road to diagnosis and the struggle alone with it.
I want to show people they are not alone! I know how alone and misunderstood I felt.
Is there a lot of reading material on this? Do you think something like this can be interesting for others at all?
Do you know perhaps already example of people who have put this into practice?
I think it is super important to inform yourself about your diagnosis.
But it has also helped me incredibly much to learn through the stories and experiences of others affected. This often gives me in particular the opportunity to look at the subject more reflectively and with distance.
Thank you very much for your feedback
|
OCD
|
Not that my mom will let me increase, but I am on an extremely low dosage of Zoloft 25 mg for diagnosed MDD, GAD, and OCD. I’m struggling, especially recently, and feel that I need more help. But I’m afraid that if I increase my dosage, I’ll become even more numb than I am w/ just 25. I feel like these disorders have contributed to my personality, even good parts of my personality that I don’t want to lose. This is Stockholm Syndrome at its WORST!!!
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OCD
|
Hello, a little less than a year ago my therapist and I discovered I suffer from complex ptsd-like symptoms. I pay out of pocket so she doesn't have to report this to the government so I don't effect my future career options.
I've noticed that marijuana has had a positive impact on my life, but I am not old enough in my state to buy from a dispensary recreationally and I would like that bit of control, unfortunately I can't find how a proper diagnosis would impact all the facets of my life.
I want to help myself, I don't know what to do. I would like to have this in my control but I don't want to impact my future. This whole thing is terrifying, I can't tell people much about it without weirding them out or them blatantly not believing me and I feel this is the only place I can speak freely.
Since I've started using marijuana I've noticed a significant positive impact on my life, although this is difficult for me to talk about with my friends because I feel like I'm a dumb college kid using a non-diagnosis as an excuse for abusive behavior. I brought this up to one of my closer friends (I hesitate to say this because I have *deep* trust issues yay me) and he said I should get the card but I just want all of the facts.
So, to those of you who have received a proper diagnosis and use marijuana medically, what are all of the impacts you have noticed on your life? How does this effect employment? Should I tell my parents about this? I'm so lost with this right now and I would love any advice.
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ptsd
|
I'm still unsure if I have Aspergers or not, and i seem to follow a fairly conventional pattern in terms of characteristics, apart from eye contact and some social habits. Is lack of eye contact a given characteristic for someone with aspergers, or does it vary from person to person?
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aspergers
|
I really don't wanna do this bc everyone I become friends with on here just ends up leaving me, but I can't stand this loneliness anymore. I'm 17 (f) I have no friends at all. I'm usually happy being alone, but for some reason I've been feeling very depressed lately. Nobody cares about me and it really hurts. I can't take it anymore.
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depression
|
I am a neurotypical woman entering her late 20s and as of late, I have been actively trying to be conscientious and an ally when it comes to being more educated (and educating others) on the spectrum of neurodiversity, which is a necessary responsibility especially as someone who also creates and writes on different topics for a living.
The issue at hand: A close friend of mine has essentially just stopped talking and being responsive to me. Our main line of communication is entirely at a distance, via channels through email, chat messaging, phone, etc.
From my understanding, he may be going through autistic burnout (and he has alluded to having gone through this before). The last thing that has happened was that he had a bad fallout with another person, and he may be reeling from that in addition to a lot of other things. When I followed up on what happened that day after learning about the the general gist of it, he mentioned that he was feeling deeply upset and didn't feel like talking. But now at this point in time, this was more than a month ago.
I am interested in hearing different perspectives on what to do as their friend, and perhaps insights as to what may be going on in their head, while also being mindful as a neurotypical person. He may be going through autistic burnout, which I'm aware is usually different experience for many, but I'm sure whatever emotional blow he had to deal with was very triggering and exhausting. In addition, he has a lot of baggage dealing with depression and trauma from the neglect of his family in the past. He has been going to therapy weekly, at the very least. I am also aware he is okay and alive, and he has a part-time job that he works for most of the week: I do see his online status still light up on the regular in the different channels and platforms we are both on.
I've been simply messaging to him regularly that I am there if he needs anyone to talk to but I am wondering if I am overstepping my bounds or if that is excessive? He hasn't been responding to anything. I also ask if there is anything I can do or for direction on what I should be doing, but I still don't get any opinion on that either. Is the best course of action just simply completely leaving him alone and trusting nothing bad is happening? I also know that perhaps nonverbal and communication at this point in time may be still hard for whatever block he might be going through some block still. I think I'm just especially worried with the stresses of the pandemic still going on and needing to be in touch with people, but for sure that must be affecting them in some way too, especially with how isolating it must feel.
**Shortened version: High-functioning autistic friend is going through burnout and has since stopped responding to communication. Wondering what is the best course of action to express simply being there for them and reaching out.**
Looking to hear different perspectives and pieces of advice, especially when it comes to insight over what the feeling is like and people's own personal experiences.
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aspergers
|
I’m going to try my best to not sound overly sensitive, but please forgive me if I am. This is something that’s been bothering me for a while, and I’d really like to talk about it.
When people have conflicting opinions on anything, regardless of how trivial or petty, it makes me feel uncomfortable. This is mainly because I have trouble understanding how two people could look at the same thing and come to two vastly different conclusions about it. If one person watches a show and thinks that it’s good, and another person watches the same show and thinks that it’s bad, then who’s “right?” Is anyone? Is everything just subjective?
A major reason why this bothers me, as sad as it is to admit, is that I feel tempted to always pursue the “right” opinion because I want to be a part of the “right” group. I don’t want to like something that most people don’t because I don’t want to feel like I’m missing out on something good and maybe losing the chance to meet people and bond over a show or video game. Conflicting opinions make me questions my own tastes and values all of the time and I’m tired of it.
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aspergers
|
Yes I know pure o isn’t really a term these days, but it was easier to describe it as that.
For the last few months I’ve had horrible intrusive sexual thoughts about my mum, and it has completely destroyed me. They seemingly came out of nowhere. Some days I can accept them, and move on, other days I can’t stand being around her. I feel like I’m a bad person if I spend time with her or be in the same space as her. I live with her and we are home together a lot.
I never try stop my thoughts or suppress them, but I still feel horrible about the whole situation. Mainly bcos I’m absolutely heart broken that I feel like I can’t be near the people I need the most. This also happens around any family member I’m with, and it’s made my world incredibly small. I have told her in general terms how I’m struggling, and she’s been so understanding about it. But still, it doesn’t help with the anxiety I get when I’m around her.
Has anyone experienced this and have any tips?
I’m trying to find a therapist who specialises in OCD but so many are fully booked out.
I just want to be able to hug my mum again.
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OCD
|
Just a quick question for you all: What improvements did you find happened for you after you were medicated?
For an example, I have sensory sensitivity. I have to wear ear plugs just to dampen the impact noises my upstairs neighbours make as they can cause me to jump in my skin and overreact. I'm hoping that if I get diagnosed, and can be helped with medication, that this may be something that I'll find no longer bothers me.
TYIA!
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ADHD
|
I don't masturbate as much because I always put it on hold because something that's OCD related interferes with it. It's all stupid things too. The big one is that I consider my own semen to be a contaminant. I have to take extra care to make sure it didn't get any on me and any surfaces it made contact with.
I usually masturbate in the shower and the water will wash it away. But I am never satisfied with that and use a lot of soap to clean the bathtub as I shower. Today I masturbated and I'm sure the water washed it away but a little bottle of shampoo or something fell in the bathtub in the area I came on. I quickly grabbed it and used soap to clean it. But I am not entirely satisfied with it being clean. I feel a little bad that someone in my household will use it and the bottle landed on the area that I came on.
I just wanted to get that out of the way. But the real question is why do people consider semen to be a contaminant? For me I just think it's super gross. Possibly the grossest thing even if it's my own semen. I can't imagine being okay with washing it away with water. Or washing my hands or any surfaces with just water. Maybe "contamination" isn't the right word here but I'm using it as something that spreads to another surface and will keep spreading. I know semen the doesn't work that way. It's all in my head but if a surface was contaminated that way, I'll consider the entire object contaminated (for example, if only the handle of the microwave door was touched I'll still think the entire microwave unit is contaminated).
I wish I could get over this. I love to masturbate.
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OCD
|
It’s one of those ordinary and somewhat unavoidable things that (non-ptsd) people wonder how it could possibly be a trigger.
I’m doing lots of deep breathing right now. Just gotta get through this.
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ptsd
|
With or without it being in the school records that you qualify for accommodation.
So when I got a diagnosis I had the option to pay less if I did not need to do some of the extra steps that would allow me to ask for official accommodation in school. Still my therapist wants me to email my teachers next semester and tell them to see if I can get any accommodations. I’m just very scared they will basically be like f no you don’t get special treatment but I struggle a lot.
Just wondering what accommodations/ aid y’all have gotten in school and how it came about basically.
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ADHD
|
Just as I got my depression manageable, I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD. Turns out all those times I was hyper or fidgety as a kid was my ADHD shining through my depression and my inability to focus was really just my brain and not a lack of motivation. I really like what someone said on here, that with ADHD you have to be twice as motivated to get things done, so I can’t wait to see what it’s like when I get medication. I’m also very impulsive now that I’m not as depressed. Also, I tend to get obsessed with whatever would give my brain dopamine. Like with new partners or sex or food or sleep, whatever feels good I just crave. I find it hard to stop thinking about things that are unresolved or about my current love interest. Do you guys have any tips for that? Also I’ve become addicted to my phone
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ADHD
|
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