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I was going to write this long paragraph about everything but it won’t help. No one can solve my problems but me. I’m alone in this fight always have been and right now I’m losing quite badly. I will keep on trying because that’s what I do but every time I have to fight I lose part of me. I don’t know how I am anymore. I feel pretty numb I’ve even stopped crying when I’m sad. Tried to access help but have to wait. I don’t really know what to do. I could sit here forever and let myself rot.
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depression
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I started taking meds a month ago and it has made a world of a difference. I got promoted- I'm a manager now, and I'm expected to be able to do a ton of coordinating and budgeting and basically all of the things to help my team run smoothly. That was all totally fine until a few days ago when I ran out of medicine and had to wait a few days to get a refill.
Oh my god. I completely spiraled. I couldn't do anything the first day. I sat at my computer and just sobbed because I felt useless and broken. Full blown panic attack. All of the little tricks I had come up with to help me mitigate my unmedicated adhd brain just completely went out the window because I was used to the "easy" life of just being able to take that magical pill every morning and get to work.
Days 2 and 3 got a little better (like, I wasn't having panic attacks) but it was such a struggle. Everything was just *so* hard. I just kept thinking "two more days until my refill, one more day until my refill..." like a fucking drug addict anticipating their next fix.
Today I finally got my refill. The sense of relief knowing that tomorrow morning I will be able to take my pill and actually do work and not feel like a disorganized mess is unparalleled. But it's such a sad, sobering thought at the same time. The job I'm now in has become something that I can not do without medicine.
I put off meds for my entire life, since I was diagnosed at 13. I didn't want to have to rely on something to make me "functional" in society. But here I am. And I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how I feel about it. All I know is that tomorrow I will feel better because I have my stupid medicine.
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ADHD
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I tried some methods and didn't work so I tried making a journal and a log
and it works but I don't do the things I want to do so is just 50/50
is there a trick for it? XD like, "ohh if u do X thing and Y thing it may work"
is there like a mental/psychological trick to actually do the things I want to do?
I can be really lazy and forget easily about the things, maybe because I just have bad habits
I readed some books but I don't know if there's something more
everything can help- even if is just your experience, maybe your experience can help too
thanks in advance :D
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aspergers
|
I started going to therapy in august this year and also started medication for my depression in september. The last time I went to my therapyst was in october, then she texted me to
cancel an appointment and I asked her to make another one but she never texted me back. Also I went to my psychiatrist in November to an appointment and after waiting 1,5 hours i left. I'm done with this shit. This is my second psychiatrist. I asked for fucking help and it got worse. So I might end it all soon.
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depression
|
Before I explain this one, I’m 19 so I don’t have any age related memory problems or conditions.
I found a key in my bag, it looks like it was either made recently or rarely used as it’s very clean and shiny. I have only 2 keys, a gold coloured house key and a car key. I’ve never seen a key like this one and don’t remember putting it in my bag.
I know false memories are OCD related but I’ve never heard of lost memories. Is that also something people experience?
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OCD
|
TL;DR I have my first ADHD Coaching session next week and want to know other people experiences.
Hey there! My job hooked me up with an ADHD Coach (and she's black like me!!). I will meet with her weekly for 2 months. I'm very excited about this but, have no idea what to expect.
Who's been through ADHD Coaching? Any tips or love/hates?
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ADHD
|
So I wrote up a whole thing and realised none of it matters.
I just want to be loved. I give up.
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depression
|
As someone who doesn't have much hobbies and always have a hard time unwinding, I finally stumbled upon an enjoyable leisure activity. Cloud watching is now my favourite thing to do. When I look up at the sky, I see clouds drifting away slowly, which makes it easy to forget about the harsh and fast-paced society we live in. As silly as it sounds, I wanted to be a cloud. Up in the skies, there are hardly any signs of life, I am free to be myself, without the pressure of masking / living up to expectations. I would look at the world from an aerial view, get the freedom I craved for, bask in the sun and the best part - humans can't locate me. The only downside would be getting shit on by birds? That's fine as long as I don't have to tolerate unreasonable demands and play the "catch-up" game anymore.
When January arrives, my third attempt at University begins and I'll be thrown into the world of assignments and burnouts (again). I'm undiagnosed at the moment and struggling to stay afloat. I'm unmotivated and have been called lazy due to some hygiene issues. I have never followed through with hobbies but everyone seems to think I lack perserverance. Nothing makes me happy and nothing is engaging. Lately, all I feel is an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. How do I feel fulfilled though, there is no manual for that.
When I'm in such a bad state, I look at the clouds and all of a sudden, I feel as though everything will be fine. There is something really special and therapeutic about clouds. It takes me back to times when things were much simpler, back when I was a carefree child with hopes and dreams. Unlike the past, I forgot how to move on from setbacks, I became unforgiving and impossibly strict on myself. I guess things are different now and it sucks to know it's impossible to turn back time.
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ADHD
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I’ll have a dream and then spend hours analyzing what it means and trying to figure out what happened. Anyone else deal with this?
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OCD
|
For as long as I can remember I’ve had very strong health anxiety and praying compulsions. I’ve never thought it was something to take seriously. Everyone chalked it up to me just having a quirk, and joked about it all the time. It wasn’t until lock down happened last year that I realized this wasn’t normal. I was praying almost every second in my head, and it was causing server distress. Finally, around January/February last year I started talking to a counselor and psychiatrist and they said it definitely sounds like I have OCD. But she never said I for sure did
Well, it got worse, then it got a lot better super quickly. And it stayed that way for like 5 months. It could be because I started taking medicine, but what if I never had ocd in the first place? What if I was just making it up for attention?
Recently I’ve changed medication and everything is coming back. I’m starting to pray again constantly and it’s torture.
I’m so confused. I just want to know what I have 😭😭😭
I’m not asking for a diagnosis, I’m just expressing my frustration
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OCD
|
I feel so alone. I jus push everyone away. I'm sick all the time. I don't know what's the point of trying to live and suffer through this if I'm jus gonna end up alone.
|
depression
|
Got an email asking me to come into office for a drug test because of state law every six months.
Recently started smoking flowers to sleep better at night.
What have i gotten myself into since i'll obviously show a positive test? Lose prescription?
Im trying to abide by the rules. Im not asking about flowers+ ADHD. Its **strictly** the topic title and what happens now.
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ADHD
|
I take 30mg of Ritalin per day. 10mg I didn't feel, 20mg I could feel that i could finally do things I didn't know were possible (like standing up when u want/have to lmao) and 20+10mg are needed for me to get shit done the whole day through.
One things worries me - I sometimes feel happy when I take that stuff. Not super crazy like I wanna go jogging on Mars but rather when I e.g. listen to music or think about what could be possible in life (I still get tired physically, but it feels like my sould (well, and also my physical heartbeat) is pretty awake haha). Usually I'm having a hard time keeping authentic hope up, but then I can't wait to experience life (sometimes when I catch myself being that happy it shifts back into "nah, that was just a phase lmao life's still grey".
Does that mean I maybe don't have ADHD (I have a diagnose for depression and bpd too). Cause it effects me like a "normal dr*g/Ampheta*ine"?
Thx. xx
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ADHD
|
It seems as if talking about OCD is still taboo and very much shamed. When I tried bringing up my OCD to someone at work, it was just awkward and the person did not want to talk to me afterwards.
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OCD
|
I'm posting here because I feel like I'm having symptoms characteristic to the attention deficit side of things. I've always been told off for not listening to instructions (since the age of 5), I try and "multi task" only to forget things, I worry and procrastinate, and despite being able to do more complex things, I feel like I can't do basic things properly. I've had a 7 year history of diagnosed depression/anxiety disorder, and both of these things are getting in the way of achieving things. Particularly the "not listening" part is testig the patience of everyone that's around me
I'm really lost. I don't want to self diagnose, and I don't want to live as though I'm seeking sympathy
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ADHD
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I’m tired of living with this brain . I wish I could swap it out for a non - fucked one .
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OCD
|
I lost four stone, about 50 pounds, over the last month. This was due to not eating and my depression becoming bed ridden to the point I can't even shower, which is not normal for me as I'm a germaphobe. But a positive thing has occurred from this lack of eating.
My appetite has lowered and I no longer eat too much, only what I need. I am now fasting now with help from my doctor, and I have noticed that my depression has become relieved from this fasting. I skip breakfast and only eat dinner. Some days I don't eat at all and I don't even feel hungry.
I have done some research on why this unipolar is relieved with fasting and have found out that gut bacteria can be connected to our moods. This is very interesting and I share this with you as I thought it is very useful information. 🌹My doctor informs me that I have changed my gut bacteria from this fasting.
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depression
|
Diagnosed w OCD this year after working w mental health professionals since I was 15(23F now).
For so long intrusive thoughts totally ruled my life. Normally violent urges to hurt myself and others. University was a nightmare. Finished one 2 year program, 2-3 years into a bachelors degree and dropped out to pursue a new career.
That failed and 2 years later I’m here.
Since getting on paroxetine(I take 10mg) things have moved into a much more positive direction. This is what my 15th med? My mind still fires rapidly with ideas and I easily fall into obsessions for weeks/months, but now it’s good things for the most part.
Focusing hard on my digital art as my passion project and starting a couple businesses once I move. One is already halfway started and making me money!
Even a year ago I wouldn’t believed the life/mindset I have now. I’m so excited for everyday I can’t sleep!
Just wanted to share a vague success story/perspective.
Thanks for reading my first post here.
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OCD
|
Does anyone else have a food that’s all that sounds good for like 1-2 weeks til they find something else? For me it’s currently a Starbucks drink (I’ve had an iced chai for like two weeks everyday). It’s so financially bad but I literally can’t eat anything else and my family gets so confused why I do this, but it’s like when somethings good it’s all I can eat.
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ADHD
|
I’ve been on lexapro for about a month. Been making my depression worse but helping with anxiety. Has anyone paired it with another medication to help with the depression?
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depression
|
First interview type visit toward my (39/F) self sought diagnosis. I go back for 2 more testing and evaluation visits, 3 hours each, then another visit to review results to find *where I am on the spectrum* and what my strengths and weaknesses are.
Not if, where.
I don’t have an official diagnosis, but hot damn that counts as confirmation for me.
Now it’s time to go stare at nothing and unpack my feelings in my head.
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aspergers
|
So I've been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts ect since 6th grade. That's not the important part though. So basically me and my crush had been getting along well and I thought I had a chance. Then I found out everything she's told me, all of our interactions were lies and manipulation. The whole time she had a bf and lied to me about it. Lied about basically everything. And the worst part is I saw the red flags and decided to ignore them. That's basically a summery of what happened and I have no clue what to feel it think anymore
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depression
|
And it's annoying because it's not from lack of trying. For years I've been trying to engage in things that members of my family enjoy doing, things i genuinely don't give a shit about, and yet they do nothing in return, and not show the slight care in things i like, quite the opposite, they almost always seem annoyed with whatever it is I like doing, and then they complain I don't share enough with them.
|
aspergers
|
Been going through a rough time. Had a friend over. We talked a lot and I felt somewhat better. For the first time in days I felt the energy needed to go to the grocery store. I was going to buy a pizza for dinner so I turned the oven on in advance.
I get there and I realize I don't have a mask, which is now mandatory again. Defeated, I turn around and go back home. Once there, I see the oven on. Realizing that I'd failed at life again and that I'll have to order takeout, I just broke down. Over a fucking oven. What is wrong with me.
|
depression
|
I recently started trying to educate myself on my ADHD diagnosis, my symptoms, and how they impact me. This so far has been a journey of self forgiveness, hope, direction, a sense if purpose, and perhaps a bit of a fixation on these new revelations concerning my behaviors.
I've been considering my options in terms of medication. I haven't taken any for a while, and I haven't taken anything consistently in several years. I swore of stimulants because I had been convinced they were terrible and I didn't need them, and nothing else ever really worked for me.
So I set up a doctors appointment. It took a while to get one. I was so excited to talk to him about how I'd educated myself. How I was ready to really treat ADHD and not hide my symptoms from people who were trying to help me out of fear or guilt or shame. How I understand why taking medication actually mattered and in all likelihood I could find aomething that worked for me.
And...within the last couple weeks, my old friend S.A.D has hit me like a truck. And it feels as bad as ever now. And I don't know how I'm supposed to manage this, on top of wanting to begin seriously treating my ADHD.
I can't sleep all. My self hatred and guilt and general desire to find a way to just not feel anything seems incessant. And I'm finding myself fixating on people I barely know and emotionally crashing off those feelings at an alarming rate.
I'm angry, honestly. This sucks.
edit: Also, honestly, I don't know what I should even say to my doctor. Does anyone have any tips? I just...feel very frustrated by this turn of events.
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ADHD
|
One self limiting belief I have is that for multitude of reasons that I cant leave my job with one of them being not wanting to just be remembered for my mental health struggles.
I came to terms with ADHD not just being "Squirrel!" Like people playfully describe it and it actually comes with things that make life more challenging since being here.
I've struggled in the open for a bit. If people at work had to describe me they would say "Sweet, will do anything you ask of him, forgetful, gets grumpy, too hard on himself, a spaz, we have to watch how we speak to him, easily distracted."
One passion of mine has been mental health. Now I don't know at this stage in my life if I truly want to work in mental health but I never feel I could tell my employer that I was leaving to work in mental health. The first thing everyone would say is "How is he going to help somebody else, he can't keep his own shit straight"
I've been in therapy for over a year, I'm into my first week on meds, and find myself really thriving for a month at a time every 3 months. It feels like "this time will be different" and if I don't mess it up for myself something like a close death will throw me off track like it has now.
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ADHD
|
Hey guys,
I've been living in a Spanish speaking country for more than a year now, however I struggle to get by. I'm privileged in the fact that not speaking the language hasn't been a huge issue yet (I live in a very, very international city). My friends have helped me with the serious stuff and 'the confused face' I will make usually means someone will step in and help translate.
​
I'm just feeling so ashamed and embarrassed that I'm in a country and have completely failed at learning the language. I know I'm smart enough. Initially I was doing great because, well dopamine I guess, but as I started working in an English speaking company and moved in with non-spanish speaking people I was forced to self motivate and it just all fell apart. To add to that I had a mental health crisis this summer and had to take on less workload just to get by, Spanish was the first thing to go as my livelihood didn't depend on it.
​
I'm between levels and have no idea where to start again, I seem to have forgotten a lot of vocab and the grammar was the one thing that I just couldn't get to learn (literally the wall of awful with me). I'm not really in a position to afford classes or a tutor right now. If any of you managed to speak a second language fluently, how did you do it?
​
​
TLDR; How the hell did you manage to learn a second language as an adult?
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ADHD
|
Hey so yeah i think I made up my ocd for attention. I mean when i was a little kid it was pretty bad but I think I’m better now and I’m worried that I’m making up my ocd to my therapist and psychiatrist for attention or pity. When i was a kid I did stuff like having to have every movement feel “balanced” on each side of my body and having everything i do line up with numbers on top of religious ocd, health ocd, and harm ocd.
I still have the balance and numbers thing to a tiny extent and intrusive thoughts of harming people/animals sometimes (like maybe a few times a month) and I do have intrusive thoughts of being a pedophile that only happen if I’m watching p*rn (which doesnt rly make sense because im still legally a child also im not attracted to kids) but these thoughts are usually easy to ignore and don’t happen often. I also have trichotillomania now if that counts for anything.
As dark as it sounds, I’ve stopped worrying about my health and my religion because I don’t really care about what happens to me anymore. If i hear about a life-threatening disease or possible health condition that I used to get super distressed about, I can brush it off because even if I do have it, who cares? It’s only affecting me and my life so if I die, I die. Big deal. I’ve stopped worrying about religion too because I stopped believing in it as I grew older and learned more about the world.
On top of all that, my memory is absolutely horrible so I can’t even remember specific examples of things that ocd makes me do.
And I guess the point of ocd is that you get distressing intrusive thoughts whether you like it or not so I’ve just been really worried that I’ve been lying to my therapist and psychiatrist. Do yall think I have ocd?
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OCD
|
Been in a rut since I left the psych ward about a month ago. Been sticking with my medication and going to my doctor's appointments, I don't feel as depressed but still feel unmotivated. Recently I reached out through a mental health crisis hotline which helped but it was only temporary. I'm starting to feel how I felt when I started to cry on the phone, overwhelmed and lost. Which usually leads to me sinking as low as I can go.
I don't know what to do anymore, maybe I'm not trying hard enough. I get stuck in my head and just think about everything and start to hate myself. I have no friends to turn to, my family doesn't understand that I'm drowning in my own thoughts and emotions and I'm struggling to stay afloat.
I want to get better, I want to make friends, I want to find love and be loved. But I feel like maybe I'm a lost cause, like maybe I was destined to die a long time ago but somehow managed to stay alive so I'm just this shell bobbin in the current of life.
|
depression
|
The distractions aren't really working anymore. I can play games all day, drink all day, do whatever and it still doesn't work..I'm running out of options here. I have a kid on the way and just started studying for a new certification. I'm scared that I'm going to mess this kid up worse that my "parents" (if you can call them that) messed me up.
|
depression
|
Just like the title says.
We put so much effort into it, but today-my mind went blank. I made it my entire point to do all of the math for the project because that’s my strong suit and I knew I could explain in detail, but as I was presenting it my mind went blank.
My professor held me after class and thought I was hungover because I couldn’t speak, or answer any of her questions. I completely forgot I started a new medication, so I sent her an email 10 minutes after explaining this. Hopefully she’s nice and understands.
My group mates didn’t deserve me going blank, especially when I made it my point to do the math part of the project. It’s only day 2, and I’m praying for better days already.
|
ADHD
|
When talking to someone I'm romantically interested in, I cannot use any hearts that are broken or with with arrow through it because I'm scared that it will lead to the end of the relationship. Does anyone else have that?
|
OCD
|
I'm a 21 years old female and I only eat milk and biscuits (sometimes cereals) and I gained weight. I don't know how to stop this! I don't even see other foods as foods anymore, but rather items that are not supposed to be eaten, like a jar of body lotion or a bag of pencils. I live with my parents and I have food but I open the fridge and my brain sees no food... I don't understand why! It's been more than 2 months since I slowly started to replace every meal with milk and biscuits and even though I know it's not ok, I can't stop.
Do you have any idea that might help or know any food that by itself is a meal, but it's healthier than milk with biscuits that I could eat everyday and slowly get rid of this biscuits addiction?
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aspergers
|
OMG today I’m home alone, just left with the thoughts in my head and this dark feelings. Making myself worse, just thinking the worst. I wish I could go out, but I’m stuck in doors with nothing to do and nobody to talk to.
|
depression
|
Hey, guys! I want to ask those with ocd does that sound like ocd behavior?
I suffer from intrusive thoughts for 6years already, but i haven’t been diagnosed and throughout my suffering i discovered ocd and this is what i thought i had, but again i doubted and i didn’t and then i did. You know the drill. The last week i started to dig into myself and notice how i behave( after i read an ocd book, which informed me for check ocd and contamination, which i never thought of because i was so focused on the disturbing thoughts with taboo themes that i have) and some things i do look like ocd to me and i have been doing them so automatically that i never thought about them until now.
*I usually put a lot of cosmetics on my face, I first must wash my hands always because i think i will contaminate my face. I also think in what towel to dry my hand after washing because i’m thinking if it’s a dirty towel how many germs there are or that my family members touched it
* I work as a housekeeper in a hotel and i can’t clean a bathroom without gloves. We have special cloths that we use for the toilet and i can’t touch it without gloves. If i do, i have to wash my hands.
* Before i go to work i always check if the oven is off, stove, coffee pot and the windows are closed. Stoves and oven i even check when i know i haven’t used them. The door of course, several times. Windows too i look at least 2 times to make sure they are closed.
* If i have a long sleeve at work i will always use it to open a door (after i think the germs that went onto my clothing). If i do without i want to wash my hands.
*I can go crazy if someone sat on my bed with clothes from outside. I think how many germs will go on my sheets.
I told me mom several times about the checking of the stove and oven and she said that everybody does that. It’s what is making me wonder is this ocd behavior and these are just few of the things.
Thanks
|
OCD
|
Hi!
I apologize if I come across wrong in any way in this post. I’m new to the world of autism and I’m trying my best to learn so I can be my son’s best advocate.
To start off, my son is a product of covid. He has not been socialized with his peers at all. He also closely resembles his father and I. Natural introvert. Prefers quiet and calm. Thrives on routine. That being said, his pediatrician suspected autism may be a factor during his 18 month well child check. She had me do a short, to the point screening with him and he “qualified?” for an autism diagnosis. She wanted to wait until he was a bit older to pursue anything further to see if he outgrew his signs because she thought covid isolation could have been a factor. At his 2 year well child check it was not brought up again so I assumed all is well.
He will be 2.5 in a few days. Things have been extremely difficult in the last 2 months. 1+ hour long tantrums. Extreme highs and lows. Sheer panic in social settings resulting in outbursts and epic tantrums. I cannot handle him right now. I have scheduled a check with his pediatrician and we will be exploring an autism diagnosis again. I assume if he is diagnosed that it is a very mild form. His communication is above average, he socializes at an appropriate level with family, etc. He definitely fits the asperger’s mold that good old google has provided. Are there any other parents or individuals that were diagnosed at a young age here that can give me an idea on what to expect in the coming months/years as a parent to a child with autism? I just feel like I have a gaping hole in front of me that I need to fill with knowledge so I can best prepare us for what’s to come. Thank you!
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aspergers
|
For those taking Ritalin and metformin and nothing else is everything ok what could you share my from your experience? I am ADHD prescriben and I'm doing great regarding about my focus and weight loss. I'd like to fasten my weight loss ratio with metformin so that's why I am looking for it. Thanks for your attention.
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ADHD
|
Hello all,
I'm new and I have experienced at finding therapy can be frustrating. I'm really struggling with keeping up with my regular tasks. The EAP at my work place told me they would help find me a therapist but it will be a minimum of 2 weeks before I can talk to anyone. Are there any other alternatives? Like something sooner? Does betterhelp work? Do you recommend anything different open to anything and glad to be able to finally say that without someone watching me literally breakdown infront of the
Im open to pretty much anything (healthy). Thanks in advance. Any advice will be appreciated.
|
depression
|
Usually I try and stay positive. To remind myself that I beat OCD once before and I can overcome my current relapse (contamination/germ OCD). But today I’m really struggling. I feel lost and broken. My father who usually really understands and supports me got frustrated and yelled to “get over it” and my therapy is just starting and all we’ve done is background stuff so there’s no plan or progress to cling to. I’m anxious all the time - like it just won’t stop. Last time I had moments of peace between compulsions. Not this time. Guys, I feel so hopeless. I’m just crying and letting everyone down. My father made me a special meal to try and cheer me up and I’m just ruining it with my flip outs. I’m a terrible person. I hate myself so much right now.
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OCD
|
So I took CBD today and it calmed me down mentally to allow me to be more conscious of all the thoughts I have. I realized (what I already knew, but now more so than before) that I always feel like people are laughing at me and judging me. I noticed that when I was walking on the sidewalk today that I had all this mental dialogue going on (almost like schizophrenia) hearing all the imagined voices of the people driving past me making fun of me and laughing at me. Laughing at what I wore, laughing at my face, laughing at my walk. I was afraid that one of them would be someone I knew or worse, one of the people who bullied me.
So for the first time I truly acknowledged my anxiety and asked why I felt this way....by doing so I confirmed a belief I previously only partly held.
***It is that because I was bullied by so many people (like 15) (ostracized, yelled at, made fun of and told constantly that no one liked me) that it must have been my fault, or else why would so many people mistreat me and even the ones that didnt partake just allow the abuse to happen and even become friends with these people? If they were really doing something wrong surely no one would willingly befriend bullies or not stand up to them when it happened everyday right? Because everyone knew it was going on, they all saw. It must be my fault of this allowed to happen. So I thought that since I caused it, there is something about me that will cause this to happen with other people aswell. Thus i see everyone as a potential bully, and no self talk changed the anxiety when I was out today***
I saw someone I knew and though she smiled at me I shut down and after our conversation I just wanted to go home and I wasn’t even present the entire time, my mind kept going back to memories of being yelled at and made fun of the whole conversation even though she was laughing with me. I kept going numb because I felt like if I emotionally checked out, then any bullying that I expected on her part wouldn’t affect me because I wasn’t emotionally there in the first place. All of which I became aware of is something that always happens but cbd made me more conscious of it, it made me more conscious of things that had already been there but I just ignored/I had been denying because I didn’t want to accept that I was mentally ill.
So how do I, I guess stop thinking that I was at fault for being bullied, or even if I WAS doing something wrong that they just exaggerated my flaws and that I am not a monster that will just be rejected and made fun of by everyone across the board?
|
ptsd
|
So many people smoke weed even daily, will always talk about smoking but how many people obsess by looking up articles for hours sometimes in one day about legalization look at countless articles from the google search (its up in another tab right now) "how to deal with a kid smoking weed" even though I'm not in trouble with anyone for smoking. Going to various sub reddits including this one and searching for the word weed just to read completely random shit about it.
Well welcome to being an aspie. This isn't because I smoke I had this problem with so many things. Last year I had a horrible obsession with Chinese buffets and buffets in general. It lasted like 1-2 weeks the heat of it. I even hand-written a piece of paper with every chinese buffet in Philadelphia ranked by how many stars it had, name of the buffet and the street address. I even had addresses memorized in my head for buffets that I never even been to in my life. Ended up even calling a Chinese buffet in canada but not to prank call I literally asked for their hours. Of course, I would never go there in my life but was curious about calling buffets that day.
Usually my obsessions are in a few categories. Obsessions that last a day, a week to a month or even years. I used to be heavily in North Korea couldn't go a day without looking up news about North Korea. Was it hours upon hours? No but I would say it was on average 10-20 minutes a day of talking to people about North Korea. But actually I have to admit smoking weed actually helps with calming down my obsessions lol.
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aspergers
|
This feels like a kind of ocd intrusive thought that I always have. Whenever I get assigned any amount of schoolwork, I literally try to race through it because I hate the idea of going to bed having not had any free time in the day. I think this might have to do with my ADHD and literally trying to get things done instantaneously, but it also feels like it's part of my black or white thinking problem where even if it's a 20 minute assignment it feels like "If I do it, then my life is just me doing homework all day and that's sad". It's like hard for me to visualize doing different things throughout the day if that makes sense. I can't just think "I will just do the work that takes an hour and then still have a few hours of relaxing free time". Also, I'm like obsessed with optimizing the amount of free time I have, even if there's nothing I'm particularly excited about doing that day.
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OCD
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How do i stop this cycle? I try to fill my mind with positive things i like about them but those are exactly the compulsions
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OCD
|
I’ve been a mess these past couple days. I hugged my mom while she was watching a violent movie then it triggered me thinking what if I killed her and now I can’t stop thinking about it. I want to stop. When I don’t panic about the thought, it makes me think I’m okay with doing it but I’m not. Now I’m starting to think what If I do become a killer. And now I think I want to kill everyone or purposely harm them. I hate this. I’m super scared I’m going to act on it or in my sleep. Anytime I hear about a murder, or animal getting hurt before, I would always get super upset about them. I don’t like seeing anyone get hurt. And my mom dying has always been my worst fear. Idk why I’m like this now :(
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OCD
|
Over and over I keep getting told by people that I'm just ugly. I know I am. You don't have to rub it in. I know I'm not very good at socializing and I know I'm undesirable. I just want to feel human.
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depression
|
I started taking an antidepressant, and for the first time in 13 years my depression was almost completely dormant for 5 months. I am so very thankful for that breath of fresh air. Now here we are again! Another year, another time change, another winter that I simply cannot stay happy for. It snuck up on me this time, I guess maybe it always does. It starts with one really really bad day, one that I am able to get past and recover from. But then bad days start happening more often, and I get tired. I start waking up sad again. Slowly, I start to find myself expecting bad days, and not wanting to hope for a good one in the case that I get let down. Then suddenly every day is a bad day. The sun goes down at 5:30, and the rest of my day is engulfed in painful sadness. I never know what to do with my time because not one things sounds good. I just want to sleep as much as I can to make the days go by faster, but now I can't sleep either. I've always experienced short times without depression, but it never fails to come back. It poisons my thoughts, and it's unstoppable. Making my brain shut the fuck up isn't an option. I have to sit here constantly trying to convince myself that I don't want to die and my brain is just depressed right now. But I am depressed right now. The fact of the matter is I've never really wanted to live. I've never looked forward to growing up and creating a life of my own. I simply don't want to because it will take so much effort and time, and how could I do that if the thought of getting food when I'm hungry gives me a panic attack? What am I supposed to do? If I have to fight this every single year for the rest of my life then I don't want to be alive. This is a miserable existence, and not one person that I am close to understands that. I've stopped telling them. How am I supposed to break it to my absolutely perfect boyfriend that living isn't for me? How am I supposed to want to live if I feel like this?
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depression
|
Hello everyone,
I am a 25 years old living in Germany and I have decided to drop out of uni due to my PTSD. I've been in uni for the first time and I've been in here for 3 months, my mental health wouldn't allow me to continue. I came to the conclusion that I can not set my life in order until I seek neurological help.
Since I was 6 years old when my parents divorced, I suffered from a lot of emotional abuse and sometimes even physical abuse, I was bullied a TON for a very, VERY long time in my school for my weight back then, which I completely lost on my own and got to the point of a healthy weight. My stepfather, which my mother married at one point, did the same and accused me that I am the reason why both him and my mom feel terrible and make them die quicker.
There was constant yelling, every, single, day. Fighting, so loud, I was begging them to stop because I could not sleep for years because their fighting started early and ended very late. So, since I wanted to see my real father too (I lived with my mother), she always started yelling at me, what a horrible person my dad is, what terrible things he has done etc. My father basically did the same thing, instead of having some activities with me, he always found reasons to not do anything and smoke weed the whole day, everytime, but what he could do was telling me what an amazing person he is, how everybody respects him and also, surprise surprise, repeatedly yell at me what a 'fucking whore' my mom is, how she 'destroyed everything' and how he wants to kill my mom and my stepdad, how much he would love to just jump out off a roof or shooting himself, that stuff. There was a lot of other very terrible things they have said or done to me but I want to make this short.
Also I wasn't very lucky with my love life either, I was in 2 relationships, both of them lasted 2 years and were very toxic. My first girlfriend had borderline-personality disorder and my second one was a narcissist. Right now, I go to university, studying 'Mediatechnology' (This is what Google Translate says at least) but it isn't really something I like either. I am aimless at the moment and it's really, really depressing and I came to the conclusion, that I have to work on my mental health, seek a therapist, making a plan for the future etc. I am not functioning anymore, my cognitive ability feels like it's on 0 because I have constantly to deal with flashbacks, my depression sets my life on expert mode and even the simplest things drain my energy down to 0 aswell. I can't focus on anything right now. So, I have decided to get in contact with a psychiatrist to help me keep going with antidepressants (Which once worked very well on me) and after that I will try to find a therapist and work something, it doesn't matter what at least I work fulltime.
​
Oof, this went longer than I was expecting. All I need are some encouraging words, the feeling of being worthless really took over me, I feel so ashamed that I will drop out of college at the age of 25, not even knowing what I want to study in the future or who I want to be.
All I need is just a pat on the back right now.
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ptsd
|
Hi, I do not have OCD I think but have been diagnosed with PTSD and general anxiety disorder/major depression stuff. I am reaching out here because I want to understand your experience as I am having trouble with uncontrollable physical/mental responses to thoughts but without a repetitive behavioral response to fit all the criteria of OCD. I am sorry if this is the wrong place but I'm just trying to understand and get any insight into what I'm experiencing and what your experience is. I don't want to call them tics but I have like flashbacks to memories or thoughts and I tense up and have to do something with my body and usually swear and can usually pass it off unobtrusively if I'm with company but it's just really stressful. I'm getting closer with some people and it's becoming harder to hold it in as I'm spending more time not alone. From what medical help I've gotten it seems like it doesn't quite fit the criteria for tourettes or OCD but it is still causing a real obstacle and it just feels bad when someone close to me spots me being off and starts questioning me because often times it is not related to the present situation but an intrusive thought that I am having trouble putting away. I don't know, just looking for any empathy or insight to the experience of intrusive thoughts and behavior and how to broach that subject with someone you've become close to as well as looking for how you would experience a tic to compare to my experience
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OCD
|
All of them are fantasies, ive told my psychiatrist about it and said that it could be pure ocd but i dont think she understood what it means since i didnt know what pure ocd meant in german.
Stabbing my mom, Killing my father if he kills my mom and then killing myself but also having to kill my siblings so they dont live a life of misery and unethical sex fantasies are the thoughts that started to unwillingly come to my mind. This started to happen after my most current trauma, around 5 months ago, when my father beat up my mom in front of my eyes. Im currently 17.
Could this be pure ocd? im going to a psychiatry soon so im def working towards a better mental state. Im also sleep deprived on stims a lot so thats def a factor.
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OCD
|
I don’t know about USA but the noise limit here in Australia is till 11:00 pm on weekends.
My neighbour every Saturday plays loud karaoke bass boosted Vietnamese music, I actually don’t mind it too much as my life is dull. But he just kept playing it till 1:00 am every week to the point my mum couldn’t sleep, I felt I also couldn’t dose off and because it lasts for 4-5 hours it takes a sensory toll on me.
Last week I knocked on his door and he answered after 5 minutes. That’s how loud it was, and he told me it’s the weekend and went back inside
Tonight I called the cops at 11:30 pm and they said they will tell him to turn it down. So far the music stopped.
Am I a bad person? His a nice guy but I still fear retaliation
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aspergers
|
Considering leaving reddit, and Ive really only been active here and a couple other places for over a month. However suggestions I've been making to peoples questions have really not been going over well. Why ask for advice if you aren't willing to be open minded? Even here, I've been denied the truth of my own person experience, feels like being gaslight to me... Was hoping to find more camaraderie and open mindedness here, but I think its got me more down than I was prior. A brew of depression/ anxiety has been on my back the past month and I'm feeling like online communities are not the place to help with that unfortunately. I forgot how sometimes people aren't ready to hear truths, even if they ask. Perhaps I will no longer give any advice, even if asked directly, or attempt to open up about things that are not mainstream. I wish my therapist was back to in person sessions, the zoom sessions haven't really been cutting it for me for some reason. Anyway, thanks for reading my venting, you're a beautiful miracle of life, there is magic all around us at every moment, don't let this society make you feel dull and useless. Fight and scratch for the brilliance and vitality that is inside you. Much love from a fringe dwelling artist, man witch neo pagan who doesn't think watching porn and drinking alcohol should be normal.
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aspergers
|
Hello. So, I know I have been posting a lot on this community and I know it annoys some people. And for that, I just want to say I am sorry for bothering you all.
But there is something I want to ask for the people who take Adderall XR/IR.
From 0-100%, how much quieter has your mind(perseverating) gotten with taking the Adderall? And what is your dose?
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ADHD
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i know a few of my comments have been negative but this sub feels the most honest and i want to try to help in a positive way.
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aspergers
|
Please explain to me how the world is so aggressive and angry and the Ego’s are on another world, I must’ve been in London in the car I see two people kissing so I said to them Romeo and Juliet you know like the movie and then the girl shrugged him off and like wasn’t feeling the vibe, now the guys started running when I tell you this guy ran down the whole road to chase me I mean he grabbed the door 3 times ready to fight like what’s wrong with making a comment that’s actually lit because I’ve never had a girl so really I’m making a compliment but because the girl was upset he couldn’t handle it and was on I’d drunk he was so aggressive it’s bringing out my PTSD and anxiety like I live in London but the people here are HELL I wanna move to LA or Netherlands where people actually appreciate each other.
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ptsd
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I went to a psychologist in a government hospital a few days ago. This is the first time I went to a mental health professional in 10 years since I got my depression. But the outcome was unexpected and I don't know how to process it. I went in wanting to get a formal diagnosis to confirm what I really have. I believe have depression, anxiety and panic attacks even suspected ADHD maybe? Also I thought they might run some tests to diagnose me. But all I did was talk and fill some forms. Then, the psychologist told me she had to go and discuss with her boss (another psychologist??) about my condition. She came back saying they don't think I have any major depression just overly stressed??? And I'm dumbfounded. I should be feeling glad being told it wasn't as serious as I thought. But somehow I'm feeling undermined. If it was just stress then what have I gone through for the past 10 years feeling so depressed at times with frequent suicidal thoughts. I was given stress management and relaxation therapy. No diagnosis. I don't how I feel about it and I have no previous experience going to a mental health professional. Is this how it goes? Am I right to think that they just dismissed my condition? Or am I wrong and this is all normal and expected procedure? Isn't there suppose to be any test done to diagnose? All I did was went in an office and talk and came out with a relaxation therapy.
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depression
|
I don’t know if this is a problem caused by my autism or if I’m just forgetful in spite of it, but I figured that this was a good place to post about this issue and seek feedback.
I’ve had a fairly poor memory for a long time. It’s far from crippling, but I do have difficulties remembering certain things and paying attention. Sometimes, I’ll miss important details about upcoming classes and events at school despite seemingly everyone else knowing about them. I can never seem to remember the contents and plots of most of the books that I read, even if I literally just finished reading a chapter. Occasionally, I also just forget things that happened to me moments prior. I could’ve said or done something moments earlier and it would’ve completely slipped my mind.
Like I mentioned earlier, this isn’t an issue that leaves me needing additional support from others, but it’s very annoying regardless. I especially hate how it interferes with my reading. There are very few things that are more frustrating to me than not being able to follow a story that I was incredibly excited to get invested in.
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aspergers
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Some time in 2019 I started doing art in my spare time, and I loved it. It would often take me a few days to do a piece, then a day or two break, then straight back in. That went on till June this year when I just crashed. I've been in a really bad place for a year or so but art always helped. I'm lost without it but can't do it and I'm so angry with myself.
TL;DR: God forbid I did anything I wanted to do
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ADHD
|
Do intrusive thoughts involving fear of a death of a loved one a form of OCD?? I go through this a lot, and it's just phases where sometimes it's so bad, I can't stop worrying about the said person, and sometimes I'm able to tell myself I'm making it all up. Also, I've seen this gets worse around the time I'm worried or stressed or near my period :((
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OCD
|
I have a lot of things I should be thankful for but It doesn’t mean a thing if I’m not happy and it’s breaking me…
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depression
|
I recently learned I have OCD and now I’m noticing all of the things I do that are obsessions/compulsions. It’s like every single action and thought I have is just OCD.
One I’ve done for a while is with upvotes and downvotes on Reddit. Whenever I post anything I am constantly checking the upvotes to watch for any changes. Idk why but I literally check every few minutes. Maybe it’s because I’m paranoid that I said something wrong. I hate that on trans subreddits there’s so many bots and people just downvote you for no reason, but even knowing this I still over check it and get stressed about it.
I also have a problem with liking posts on social media and upvoting posts here. I have to upvote certain things because it feels like I’m a bad person if I don’t. Sometimes I scroll back pretty far to check if I upvote something and even reopen the app if I closed it without upvoting.
I love this app because I’ve learned so much on here from so many different subs and feel like I’m part of communities. But I just get so fixated on it like it’s life or death.
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OCD
|
Does anyone else come across an issue where you hold on to what you have to say on a topic and wait for everyone else to finish but then everyone moves on to a different topic and then you try and let out what you were going to say on the previous topic? Then are told that you should have just let go?
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aspergers
|
Hey there, I've been wondering. Before getting diagnosed with ASP, I found out I was an aphantasiac.
I've been wondering recently, is this a more common trait among people with ASP? Is this a correlation or a causation?
Seems to me like the mind of someone with the lack to compose visual imagery would definitely work different to somebody who can access their memories in a complete-visual way.
​
Sadly I can't make polls in here, but would **really appreciate** if somebody could answer this, either if they can visualize well or not.
Also opening up the debate!
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aspergers
|
So like i basically doubt almost everything i do and have to check cuz when i try to remember stuff its like blurry/corrupted by ocd intrusive weird thoughts, making me have false memory. It also makes the back of my brain stressed and sour (its like i can feel it just tensed up) when i try to remember stuff and idk if this is what everyone experiences due to the anxiety OCD gives or is there something wrong with me
cuz right now im really struggling to keep sane e.g telling myself yes that was a piece of tissue, not my phone just relax and throw it away. *PROCEEDS TO GO TO THE BIN AND CHECK A MILLION TIMES IF I THREW AWAY TISSUE* i wanna die
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OCD
|
I know I will never do it but I think about it a lot. I am always thinking about what stuff I would’ve missed if I killed myself the day before every day. I just say it so casually now like oh I wish I did it but I know deep down I won’t
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depression
|
Funny how this is my very first post. But my dad has lost some of his hearing so he listens to movies really loud late at night, and the noises can sometimes be triggering, especially hearing them from my room. But when it comes to fight/flight/freeze, I almost always choose freeze. So I sit in my room trying to keep myself from catastrophizing and/or having an episode and wait for him to go to sleep. This happens often and I definitely lose sleep from it. I’ll talk to my therapist about it though.
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ptsd
|
I am 14, and I think I am depressed because I haven't felt happy since I was 14, now I know you will say it's the hormones PUBERTY!... well I hit puberty at 12... there were two years where I couldn't figure out what the hell was wrong and then 2 years where I just pretended that it's the hormones but I have been having a lot of suicidal thoughts over the last month... and I guess I just wanna to blame everything around me, so... my dad is an alcoholic, he works like dog in a company where the boss would fire him THE MOMENT he becomes less useful, my mom tries to interact with me but i am quite an introvert because I JUST don't know how the hell can people just talk without stammering or talking time to think about things first... well I think my mom have PTSD and anxiety because when my older brother was born he was premature and he had a hole in his heart and now he is suffering from epilepsy, he was the only one who did yell at me, told me I am wrong or talked over me when I was trying to talk... and now that he's away for collage, I am just falling apart, but fortunately I am good at hiding my feelings because everyone in my family is quite a broken piece and I JUST don't wanna unload on them with my feelings. I am usually alone which is a problem because me being alone with my thoughts is a bad thing as you might or might not have just read this, its totally find if you skipped this... but me being alone with my thought can escalated and cool down situation quite quickly... I usually don't go out because I just cant stand the idea of people looking at me thinking at the speed, I usually think about, my grades have never been that good and every year my tutor tries real hard to help me get my game up but I just cant do it... I joined reddit for its meme because I thought if I could be look at funny things and think funny things maybe the darkness would go away but I just cant do it anymore...
I am a disappointment and I don't think that I am gonna survive till 18...
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depression
|
Hello everyone hoping your well
I’m not sure how to start but I’ve had quite a few in all honesty shit days and I’m having thought of I’m nothing to no one and I’m useless, I’m nothing flash I’m just a guy with a big heart, I feel like I’m taking up space that I shouldn’t
I hope this makes sense and Thankyou for your time
Thanks
Any help would be much appreciated
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depression
|
Hey, everybody.
My intrusive thoughts are sentences of "I want/wish/hope" things I would never want, wish or hope. My concern is about the whole law of attraction and mentalization. I am so scared of these things happening because they are my WORST fears, sometimes I don't even want to keep living and fighting against this awful thing which lives inside our minds.
Since my intrusive thoughts are affirmative sentences of me wanting those horrific stuffs to happen, this could count on law of attraction too? Or maybe not because THAT'S NOT WHAT I REALLY WANT. Actually I want the opposite. I am so scared.
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OCD
|
Hey Guys, just wanted to know if there are some people around who can tell about their achievements with thoughts OCD. Are there people who feel healed and are there people who are "Just" doing better with the symptoms?
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OCD
|
I haven't done ERP, though I want to, because I can't find a therapist that does it that accepts insurance and is taking new patients.
I've been reading up on it and I'm very interested, but there's something I don't quite understand. I have some variations of contamination OCD I've learned, but oftentimes the worry revolves around something that will happen to my kid, usually spurred by something that *is* possible but over-inflated in my head to a near-inevitability (like poisoning themselves with a household chemical or something like that). My question is, how do you do ERP with something like this? Does the therapist just have the patient force themselves to imagine their kid being poisoned?
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OCD
|
Hi :) I’m a 2nd year college student and I recently met someone and I fell head over heels for them.
We’re in a relationship now and spend all of our time together. I do enjoy their company but because of us spending too much time together, I’m running behind and not studying like I should. even when we’re studying together, it’s so difficult for me to concentrate.
My stress and anxiety levels are through the roof and I’m so unsatisfied with how much I get done etc…
What would be your solution to this issue?
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ADHD
|
Like the reason why I'm 29 years old and single without a family is because I overheated the engine to my dad's truck 6 years ago and was never honest with him about how it happened? Like things that aren't going our way is because of something bad we did and unless we undo all of our wrongs we'll live miserable lives? This is something that's always in my head. It's a feeling of guilt but an obsessive guilt. Does anybody else go through this?
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OCD
|
Any of you guys dabble in marijuana or gummies? What are the effects it has on your symptoms?
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OCD
|
This will be quite messy so bear with me. I’m (19F) undiagnosed, but I’ve had horrible symptoms since I was a child. They’ve gotten better over the years (or I found ways to manage them better) but I still have problems.
I have Tourette’s, and I struggle with thinking I’m faking. I struggle with the fact that I am faking everything and anything. I’m faking OCD symptoms, faking that I’m a good person, faking that I have Tourette’s, faking that I have good morals, I just have this nagging feeling like there’s something about me that is fake and people will figure it out one day. It causes me to overcorrect. I am horrible at texting now because I am obsessed with making sure I’m not saying anything bad or being annoying. I need things to be perfect. But I’m not a perfectionist, not really. It’s a certain mental sensation that I need to reach. I guess I’d call it “just right” which I know is a type of OCD. Problem is, because I hate being wrong bc it destroys me, I am scared to bring it up. I’m scared I’ll not only be proven wrong but I’ll be revealed to be faking everything.
But then I have other things. Multiple other obsessions, multiple other compulsions.
I rely on this feeling in my body to guide me. Idk what the hell to call it or how to explain it. It’s like instinct but over-reliant. And I build the feeling. I process everything with this weird instinct machine. I’m scared of driving, I can only drive if I have this feeling that nothing bad will happen. I guess it could be the “just right” feeling again. Because that’s always what my obsessive thoughts are: things just need to be a certain way at all times and then I am safe.
There’s plenty more, but I just need encouragement to talk about this to a psychiatrist. I’m terrified it will get so much worse once I move out and live alone.
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OCD
|
i was at a small gathering today (don’t worry we’re all vaxxed) and some friends were joking around about how much not closing the toilet lid frustrates them and it amazed me how people can just close the lid and not need to go back and double check to see whether it’s flushed or not. this prompted me to think about how carefree i would be if it weren’t for checking.
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OCD
|
2 weeks ago we had two days of holiday, ever since then it feels impossible to go to class. I’ll find any excuse. My body feels tired even though all I do is lay around now. But I just sit here thinking about the 2 hours of commute, the sitting in a classroom for six hours a day… for two weeks I have skipped so many classes there’s classes I feel I’ve only seen once and I can’t stop. I feel so guilty, like the laziest person in the world.
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ADHD
|
Not asking for medical advice.
TW: Gun violence
I just broke down crying because I feel crazy after fully suspecting a guy in a sketchy car of planning to shoot up the Walmart. I went out of my way to watch this person for a period of time before going into the store myself and the whole time I was in the store I was on edge just waiting to hear gunshots. By the time I left the store the car wasn't even there anymore but then the whole way home I was expecting it to show up and follow me home to kill me.
I've had other instances of ridiculous thoughts and such but nothing this vivid or extreme. I'm very concerned for my mental well-being at this point. I don't feel like anything I've experienced is worthy of giving me PTSD and I have extreme imposter syndrome about even saying I've experienced trauma but maybe that's just from being gaslit my whole life.
I don't know how to get help (as in counseling). I don't want people to think I'm crazy. I don't want to feel crazy. I don't know how to deal with this. If anyone has tips or guidance or reassurance for me I'd really appreciate it.
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ptsd
|
Hi Everyone, I made a post about a month ago about where I explain managing ASD symptoms like a game where each obstacle is like an in-game challenge I grind through. Like a game, I learn the mechanics along the way, and then overcome the challenge either through ungraceful brute force methods or through my collective learned experiences. You can read my experience and method [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergers/comments/m1novd/for_high_functioning_aspergers_even_with_the/).
I gave some biographical background and some caveats to my suggestions. The biggest caveat is it's not easy **at all** to adapt yourself to modes of thought that leads to successful outcomes (especially if your default mindset is plagued by depression, anxiety, introversion and disorderliness). I did not like how I was or my mindset so I chose to change it; in the process, integrating those changes into an upgraded identity I found healthier and more productive to myself and peers around me.
I think my situation works for me despite my challenges because overtime I saw incremental progress. Some people try their best and fail consistently and stagnate. Without knowing their specific circumstances and drawing solely on my own mindset when faced with a similar situation, I stagnated and failed most times because I lacked the necessary imagination to understand what I was doing wrong, and I also didn't re-frame my situation in a novel-enough way so that I ended up relying on brute force methods that pushed myself way too hard too early without the prerequisite foundational habits and skills in place to accomplish the goal I originally set out to accomplish.
Essentially, without knowing where I could fail, I set myself up to fail.
I've been doing some form of self-development (self-improvement) since I was in elementary school. Back then, I wasn't friendly, pretty weird / off compared to my peers, liked to be by myself/alone most of the time. Parts of my personality were overly narcissistic because I received constant praise for my intelligence. It's basically all I had until I got a reality check in college and I became average or below average intelligence compared to my engineering peers. (I also wasn't a disciplined worker which ended up hurting me until my final years of college when I developed more discipline and focus towards my studies).
I saw nothing inherently wrong with me isolating myself until about high school when I realized being alone and studying most of my evenings wasn't that enjoyable. This coincided with puberty and being depressed a lot of the time despite my academic achievements. My junior year I realized I could have some friends and my friends could help me build different facets of my identity that were left unexplored through unhealthy self-isolation and introversion. They could also help me minimize my depressive modes of thought.
I made it a point since elementary school to keep trying to improve despite whatever obstacle came my way. I think this allowed me to develop relatively thick skin and grit along the journey, despite all the personal hardship I experienced along the way. I don't think I have the vocabulary to describe what it feels like to be rejected 21 times from in-person dates, 100s of times through just messaging, and more than 25000+ times from swiping through online dating profiles. I have NT friends who gave up with online dating after being rejected 3 times or after a few months of trying. I stuck with it for almost three years before I found success. I've developed that sense of grit since childhood and absorbing that rejection affected me less and less overtime.
I say this knowing my whole situation could have ended up completely different. I could have been permanently disabled with my cholesteatoma not being caught in time and growing into my brain. I could have not tried my best at every step of my journey and stayed in lower skill classes because I didn't want to work and just want to play video games all the time. I could have no friends now because I didn't seek out friends in high school. All of these realities could have been true if I allowed them, or if life was more cruel to me and gave me a worse initial skillset.
But I was given the hand I was dealt and despite my setbacks, I had enough ability to continue through college and get my engineering degree and make more friends along the way. Also, I think I benefited from from my educational training (which other engineers can attest to) which basically amounts to "quitting is not an option" and "you have to make it work". As long as what you're doing doesn't defy known physics, at worse, the solution is a complicated reframing of the problem into smaller and smaller problems until you can tackle that small problem and then tackle the next step of the problem. Unfortunately my brain wasn't wired to think in this way; and to be frank I still don't default to this problem solving mindset (initial conditions, break problem down into smaller solvable problems, be aware of caveats and known failure conditions, etc).
So unless my life is ruined in the next few years, what I'm doing appears to work for me.
That said, I think my suggestions might work best for the following subset of ASD:
1. Need to be able to live on your own or have some kind of independence (not relying heavily on others).
2. An ability to have abstract thinking ability, or to train yourself to look at situations from multiple different angles.
3. Preferably have facets of ASD where memory is not significantly affected, or if attention is an issue (like ADHD) can be managed with training or medicine.
I'm 28 soon to be 29. I've been able to hold my current job for the past six years (I'll explain why below) and have had a couple girlfriends along the way. I'll explained what worked for me in order of foundational importance on down to less importance. Keep in mind I did not do this in the order I'm presenting it:
Structured Habits
1. General Health. If you know known health problems, it's best to address these first. I have mild sleep apnea, IBS-C and hearing problems. These are now largely manageable but I wasn't aware of them all at once, it took me awhile to realize I had these issues. As I mentioned in my previous post, my depression disappeared after I fixed my eating and sleeping habits.
2. Water. Drinking enough water daily. You feel a lot better staying hydrated on pretty much every front you can imagine from mental wellbeing to digestion to skin health.
3. Food. Having at least 1.5 meals a day around the same time. If you feel sick after eating certain foods, stop eating them and substitute that food with something you can eat. If you eat too much you need to discipline yourself to consume less; start with cutting out snacks then cut down your proportion sizes. Water can help here too. Don't forget if you're malnourished to get bloodwork done to see if you have anemia or other health issues.
4. Sleep. Sleeping and waking up around the same time. I have mild sleep apnea so this one's critical for me. I dream vivid dreams nightly which seem to make me more tired during the day; my guess is I have an enlarged visual cortex which might explain my ability to remember visuals more easily than words.
5. Exercise. Exercise about the same amount each week. If all else fails do not allow yourself to sit down more than a few hours at a time. Sedentary lifestyle is the number one precursor to basically all major preventable diseases.
6. Shower. Maintaining Proper Physical appearance. If you're afraid of water like I am remember that if you can smell yourself other people can too and if you're more selfish, you'll feel better after you dry off from the shower knowing you're clean again.
Skills
1. Focus. Do not allow myself to be distracted by the Internet or other things outside of certain hours.
2. Goals. Work towards something that you care about. I do engineering and filmmaking. Maybe you love to take care of animals or do dress making. Whatever your focus on, integrate that with your life goals where ever possible.
3. Job and Financial Literacy. Have something to do each day that you get paid money. If this aligns with your goals - great - if not - then you can work a relatively crappy job or gain skills in a trade that you can transform into higher pay. There's a lot of people who work with their hands and have basic skills that are useful across multiple domains of life. Make sure you know about compound interest, investments, and have a very high level understanding of debt and savings. Once you have the fundamentals down, then it's a matter of learning the details overtime.
4. Self Awareness and Abstraction. Spend 10 minutes a day checking in with yourself on your progress so far. If you have a job, some savings, goals, can focus, shower, exercise, sleep, eat and drink water without much pain and suffering, the following extras and rewards can be added in and build off your foundationally skills and habits. This is a pretty important skill to develop in order to growth into someone who can manage more complex aspects in life. If you're able to look at your life from multiple, often less flattering perspectives, you should also be able to course correct and make sure you're living a life that you want to live instead of feeling miserable and worthless all the time (I felt this way in my early college years).
Extras and Rewards
1. Fun and Toys. Reward yourself with unstructured fun time daily. You've earned it at this point. I place this pretty low on the list because you won't have any fun if you're dehydrated, hungry, lethargic, filthy, distracted, have no goals, purpose, job or savings.
2. Friends and Family. Have some friends and keep around family who want the best for you. If you have difficulty finding friends or you're older and extremely isolated since everyone drifts away, find friends who share interests in your goals or your interests. I started out late in high school making friends with people who were social outcasts like me but who shared a similar outlook in life. Eventually I learned how to have more normal / passive friends that may not be too deep but are good to keep around in my extended friend network. Family is harder to find of course, and you're lucky if you're born into a family that's supported. Your friend group can become a form of family, but just remember to communicate with your friends about your life and allow them to understand when you may lean on them in times of need.
This is my list in order of hindsight - in reality - I probably had super self-awareness and abstraction capabilities (and family) first before I was able to chip away at all of the above list in the order I typed it out. And currently the last item I'm working on is my financial security to make sure I have plenty of money for my retirement and future well-being. I wished my parents taught me more about finances back in high school, but with my later start at 26/27 it still was not too late to learn what I needed to learn to have at least 25-30 years of compound interest saving in my retirement accounts.
>**Aside on my Job:** I think the number one reason I was able to have my job is I practice practice practice my interviewing ability for a solid month before my college graduation. I was hired and have received consistent pay raises over the years. I have gained a lot of confidence since I first began my job and I was able to channel this confidence by knowing exactly what I know; meaning, I focused in the interview on my knowledge and skills rather than focus on what I don't know. I chose to mention challenges I wished to overcome (mostly social) so that I can grow in a field where traditionally my peers are very focused on their own work and not other people. I'll second the notion that interviews are not fair. They disproportionately select socially adept candidates who know how social situations work, and who have a modicum of charisma. I get super nervous and cannot look people in the eyes for too long - but I've gotten better. It wasn't easy or pleasant practicing looking at people in the eyes or between the eyes, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make for my lack of comfort in order to obtain a decent paying job for myself. Maintaining the job over the years was relatively straightforward as well. I can learn pretty quickly and problem solve relatively quickly. I know basically all I need to know to do my job where my peers ask me for help in case they need something. I haven't practiced negotiating for pay raises throughout the years; but thankfully my job has also doubled my pay to stay competitive with industry. In the future if I hit the 10 year mark at the same company, I'll do my best to speak my desires in a structured, direct manner. I'll probably seek out additional interviewing guidance when this time comes because I am still a novice when it comes to interviews and being a self-advocate (I'm super agreeable).
Now I'm going to combine everything I wrote above into the years I implemented it into my life starting at 16 years old. This is to give you perspective on how:
* 16 2008 - Start making friends
* 17 2009 - Tried asking out girls for dates; all rejections
* 18 2010 - Start College, made more friends, very depressed
* 19 2011 - Self-Awareness in overdrive by otherwise super-depressed. Learned to tread water / stay afloat (overcome fear of water). Found out about IBS-C effects on health, first romantic encounters. Began showering regularly despite fear of water. Plotted out goals I want to achieve or try to achieve.
* 20 2012 - Almost failed out of college, joined club end of year
* 21 2013 - Depression subsided - First girlfriend
* 22 2014 - Joined gym, gained 30 lbs in muscle/fat weight (was 135, became 165). This year I focused a lot on the first set of (habits). Went to sleep at a normal hour, exercised more, ate better, drank more water.
* 23 2015 - End College, start Job, began 5 year plans for myself, would update yearly.
* 24 2016 - Pass exams
* 25 2017 - End dating 1st girlfriend, start online dating, initial focus on financial literacy
* 26 2018 - Dating stagnation and frustration Year 1
* 27 2019 - Dating stagnation and frustration Year 2
* 28 2020 - Find current girlfriend, more focus on financial literacy
* 29 2021 - More focus on financial literacy
My point in writing out this timeline is to show how long everything took and how each year that went by I didn't necessarily progress substantially. Some years had major progression. Some years not a lot happened. On average though, the progression was incremental enough to be in a positive direction forward. Especially with my 5 year plans to give me something in the otherwise nebulous future to work towards. I did most of my future planning on Google Keep and Google Spreadsheets. This year, I planned out my financial future for the next 30 years assuming I maintain the same or greater pay.
I cannot recommend enough having a generalized plan and working through that plan incrementally over the course of years. The extra time horizon allows for course corrections along the way and to pivot towards new life experiences or occurrences; taking into account tragedy, hardship or other issues that may spring themselves up (including possible Black Swan events). Depending on the scenario, sub scenarios can be planned out and considered based off your past history and based on the global and political instability. I've been fortunate with my current career path not to be significantly affected by the covid-19 shutdowns; but even if I were, I had enough contingency plans laid out to be able to manage the calamity for the past year and a half.
A tradeoff to my planning and lifestyle is I do not live grandiosely or in some respects my life to the fullest. I would rather have the security knowing that financially I'll be alright in the face of disaster despite missing out on a few extraneous things. It helps that I'm more introverted to begin with and can focus on my long term goals and be habit delaying my short term gratification for long term satisfaction. I do get to have enough vacations and fun time on the weekends with my jobs to the point that I do not mind the 40 hour a workweek grind. I have future goals and ambitions I'm on track to achieve and continue to grow as an individual. I know that given enough time, I can address my lingering problems and obtain a satisfying / manageable outcome in life.
None of this was easy and I've made sacrifices along the way. Time is the greatest asset anyone can have and to spend the vast majority it unproductively or not geared to self-education or self-improvement when you're not happy - at least for me - feels like opportunity locking the door before you're even able to leave the house and explore your potential.
**TL;DR:** This post demonstrates that change/improvement and overcoming obstacles can be a multi-year even decade long process, but it is possible. Try not to be overly fixated on the initial day to day setbacks that will present themselves to you along the way. If you sit down and plan out your life in small enough goals and incrementally achieve them, you can overcome most of your challenges (given a few caveats about your specific ASD severity and circumstances). I make the case that self-awareness and the ability to think of problems from an abstract, multifaceted manner allows for overcoming obstacles faster, and this ability allowed me to obtain my accomplishments when I might otherwise stagnate.
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aspergers
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Medication got me fat but at least I don't have to worry about god punishing me
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OCD
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I live in a major city in the US. Like most major cities, we're no strangers to violent crime.
However, with my OCD, I find myself very paranoid about becoming a victim of said crime. Like, I'm afraid if I look at someone the wrong way or accidentally bump into someone on the street, I might get shot or stabbed. Or maybe later, that person will come looking for me to do the same. And I feel this even though paranoia even though I have no rational reason to believe that's of any likelihood.
Does anyone else experience this?
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OCD
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I feel really lost and alone right now, i’ve struggled with mental health significantly for the last year or so and i was doing good for a while. Recently i’ve made a pretty big mistake and i spiraled back into the pit of depression. I’ve lost a few friends this past month and it’s hurt quite significantly. All i want is to be loved, held and told everything will be ok. I’m failing school and i started abusing drugs again. I just want to just die already.
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depression
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Hi friends. I am posting this on an alt because I am a bit nervous to post here for the first time. This may become a bit of a ramble.
TLDR: Any time I see female nudity or male nudity (male nipples are ok) drawn or otherwise, my "magical thinking" OCD makes me feel like the day has been soiled and I can't do anything - I am "scared" to post on social media, buy things, hang out with friends, eat special snacks, go on a trip, really anything my brain seems "important".
Backstory: I have suffered from OCD for most of my life, I am an adult male. As a child it was mostly repeatedly checking drawers to make sure they're closed. It eventually became screenshots on my phone, obsessive writing random words and note taking, and repeating phrases to myself out of fear of forgetting them. It never was a huge bother, though as long as I can remember there have been nights where I'd get out of bed a dozen times keeping me up till 4am to write some inane thought down on a paper towel because I had used up all of my sticky notes.
Now, last year, around fall or so, during the coronavirus lockdown period, it started to get worse. And in a way I hadn't suffered from before. The door/drawer issue became less important, it wasn't a bother. Instead some word, thought, phrase, song, whatever, would pop into my head and I /had/ to find where it came from. What song was it. What video was it. What YouTube comment was it. What twitter post was it. What Instagram post was it. Etc etc. It got worse and worse and worse until there were regularly nights I'd spend eight or more hours scrolling on my Instagram likes from the past three or more years to find a post I liked that had a specific word in it. It got worse - I started asking people to repeat themselves, obsessively screenshoting, taking photos of cars and signs out of fear my memory hoarding would make me take note of them. At its worst, when I was travelling in Paris a few weeks ago (abnormal situations seem to make it worse), I would take dozens of pictures essentially rapid fire. Anything that came into view my brain deemed worthy. Records, pictures, graffiti, street signs, people's tee shirts, literal trash on the ground. I think I took more than 10,000 pictures in the two or so weeks I was in Paris.
But it's getting better. In March my mother encouraged me to visit a therapist for the first time in my life (she herself is a psychologist) and found me a wonderful OCD specialist. We have been doing ERP since March or so, but honestly found no success. After months of trying, she recommended I start medication. I found an OCD expert psychiatrist and went to see him, and am now medicated. We are trying to figure out my dose now, but I see major major improvement in the past few weeks. It was like a light switched and suddenly things got better, seriously. There are days now I don't take photos, days I don't take screenshots. I'm so happy.
One thing that I've been struggling with for quite a while is this nudity issue. I consider myself asexual, I am a Christian, and not really open about sexuality, it's not something I talk about much with most people. But since I was a young child, I have somewhat frequently watched/looked at NSFW content. For a long time, I could watch/read/look at whatever I wanted and I wouldn't think much of it (even though I really usually regret it afterwards regardless). But in the past few years or so, it's gotten to the point that any time I see female nudity (an exposed breast, an exposed nipple even under a shirt that's translucen, genitalia) or male nudity (male nipples don't trigger it only) my aforementioned "perfect day" OCD kicks in. Doubly so if it's actually AV or something. It doesn't matter if it's a real person, a photo, a painting, a baroque statue, whatever - my brain convinces me I can no longer do things. I can't post on social media, do anything of significance really. At midnight and after I sleep, it "resets" and I'm back to normal.
I know the trick to getting past this is ERP... But I am reluctant to force myself to look at inappropriate content and do anything for fear of it getting "stuck". Buying things after I see "lewd content" is one of the worst - I almost returned a figurine I purchased because I saw a nude photo on the same day I purchased it. I was planning to buy it again the next day. I literally sent the store an email and they said it was too late.
I know I need to do this. I am not super open with my therapist about this specific tick because I don't like talking about sex. So even posting this has taken mustering up a lot of courage.
I don't know what I'm looking for in posting this. Advice, similar stories, threats, tips, sympathy, idk. But if you made it this far, thank you! Have a wonderful day.
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OCD
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Hi, Im 15 years old, and have ADD.
Gaming has been a big part of my life, and has impacted it for the better, and for the worse.
I have heard that gaming for people with adhd, is sort of meditating, and i completely feel this way.
But I still have a couple of problems, my parents are pretty anti-gaming. And I completely understand that, I see that its not a great way to learn life skills, and sitting behind a computer all day isnt good for your eyes and health. But when i come back after a long day of school, and my "battery" is empty, i just cant go and read a book, or anything else that isnt short term dopamine (I hope Im using that term correctly.) Can anyone give an explaination about how gaming is relaxing for my brain. So I can understand it better and me and my parents can work something out that works for both of us.
problem 2
So I play a game called valorant with my friends. I started playing it a couple of months back, and consistantly was the best player in my team, getting around 25-30 kills. Now i consistantly am the worst player in my team, getting 5 - 10 kills in a game, my friends who i introduced to the game are playing better then me, i feel like im having less fun in the game, and because of that, my concentration is getting worse. I have this with almost all things im passionate about. Its really demotivating when i play or do more of something, and i get worse. So please explain whats happening and how to fix it
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ADHD
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Does anyone get extremely excited when they find things that combine their special interests? My special interests are true crime/mysteries and miniatures (such as dollhouses). When I discovered the documentary Of Dolls and Murder I was in heaven!
Today I was watching one of my favorite (fictional) mystery shows, Murdoch Mysteries, which is about a detective in 1920's Toronto. The episode is about an autistic woman who helps a murder investigation by creating an incredibly detailed minuature town. I'm so excited!!! And I love the main character getting annoyed by the ableism of other characters :)
It's on Hulu (series 4 episode 6) if you want to see it!
Note: This show takes place in the 1920's and uses terms from that period. If you're easily offended by those terms, don't watch it.
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aspergers
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I misread my diagnosis and thought I had something when the psych said it was to rule something out.
I went for a week telling people online I had that disorder and now I can't take it back.
I wish I could just bury myself into a hole and die, I'm so embarrassed.
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OCD
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Title says it all. I'm currently in therapy and I'm starting to get better. This isn't my first time in therapy and I'm pretty sure I will not be my last. And that is something I am struggling with. Are there any books or theories about how to cope with knowing this?
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depression
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Hi folks,
​
Does anyone else have problems in this sealed-off cultur where we're all separated from each other - and there isn't the open knowledge mindset there used to be?
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aspergers
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Every moment you spend on obsessions or compulsions could be spent on a recovering activity.
So i.e. instead of obsessing/doing a compulsion:
* take a short walk
* take in sunlight / artificial light
* meditate
* take a nap
* yoga
* drink tea
* ...
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OCD
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I don’t know where to begin. I’m just so exhausted with my blood line. I’m in my 30s now, but growing up, I always distanced myself from my mother because she was narcissistic and just never someone I wanted to be around as a kid. As an adult I learned she had lots of trauma as well as no rest, but even though I acknowledged that, I still didn’t like her personality and subconsciously don’t like her and her codependent pushiness. My mother is now in her 60s, has very very little skills, speaks like 40% English, overweight, has joint issues, never seen femininity in her life to teach me and my sister so she has no idea of taking care of herself or problem-solving or what healing words are, only knows about abuse, self-hate, and being a work mule since that has been consistent in her & my fathers bloodline. I can’t even really communicate with her because she doesn’t even talk to engage in conversation, she just mumbles and then trails off into her own dialogue in the native African tongue, not even checking to see if I understood what she said. And her, my father, and myself have auditory processing problems (I.e. asking “huh?” after every sentence said) so our communication is just horrible and exhausting.
She never mastered friendship because of some deep-seated self-hate issues revolving around shame she never healed from and other issues. Because of her rocky childhood where she was separated from her mother and never learned how to cook properly, so any attempt to show her new things to make for her and my father’s health, she takes personally and starts drama, or just rudely dismissed you. ANY life change for her own benefit, she refuses to engage in, even with ppl her age range, except if her grown ass adult children do it with her despite the fact that we have our own lives and ambitions. She is 100% “codependent”.
The reality is I know she was robbed of happiness her ENTIRE life, as was my dad for having to deal with her, but a couple years back I gave up on her and just moved. Strangely that move made me feel a little closer and that the convos more lively as I told her what I discovered about womanhood on my own. But once they also moved to where I and my siblings were at, and now me currently living with them until the spring, all of my childhood disturbances are coming up because I realized she never evolved. There’s so much delayed development I have to overcome, so many skills I need to acquire so “late” in my life, sooooooooo much reparenting I have to do, lots of therapy, so much I have to understand about friendships and about harmonious relationships, on top of work work working, staying fit, etc.….that being her therapist, friend, fitness trainer, motivational speaker, business manager and website developer AS WELL AS for my father is just tooooooo much. I pray so much for her to please find her some friends to take the pressure off of us kids, but I don’t know what else I have to do.
For now I’m trying to find classes that teach crafts that she can get into, but she still needs a peer group as well as therapist and a translator.
I just don’t know how to force myself to love her or help her be interdependent at this age beyond that, and it is robbing all of us of our joy and hope for life.
Thank you for letting me vent as a first time poster, because I’m just so exhausted. Hopefully I can find a therapist for myself and my mother and my father sooner than later.
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depression
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Hi everyone, I've been in therapy for a bit to tackle some other issues and my therapist connected some other dots the other day to realise that I could have ADHD. It seems like I have all of the inattentive traits and most of the hyperactive ones although they've become lessened over the years, and looking back it makes a lot of sense because my teachers always said I had so much potential yet I didn't use it because I never studied, didn't listen in class and forgot to do my homework. I got through primary and middle school, just inched by for most of high school but now in my senior year (in high school) I'm really struggling. It also runs in my family and one of my parents has it.
I'm getting a diagnosis next week as my therapist said it was urgent because of how much it's interfering with my life if I do have it. Not only with my grades which are pretty important for university right now, but also in how I cannot regulate my emotions. If I have a diagnosis I can get accommodations and possibly medication which my therapist said could be incredibly beneficial. Despite having been told that I'm a smart kid, my inability to get things done is scaring me to the point where I truly believe there's a chance I might not get my diploma.
That was all just a quick summary of my situation, but honestly I'm terrified that I don't actually have ADHD. I do have anxiety, which may or not be as a result of my possible ADHD, but I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me if I don't have it, if that makes sense. I can't get anything done and my emotions are so intense, I feel awful. At first I felt so relieved because of this whole situation, because a diagnosis could mean getting the help I need, but now I'm just so scared that I'm just a failure with all this wasted potential. I think I've started relying on ADHD as an explanation, which I know isn't great but my self esteem has always been so bad because I couldn't do these things like the people around me. My dad struggled with ADHD and he's made a good life for himself, yet I've been born into this pretty good family and I can't even get my secondary education.
Has anyone found themselves in a similar position? How did you calm yourself down before your assessment? Any advice would be super appreciated, thank you :)
TL;DR: Therapist suggests ADHD assessment, assessment is next week, scared that if I don't have it nothing explains why I'm doing so bad in school & in general
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ADHD
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I never realized this was characteristic of our mental disorder, but over my life I have routinely gotten to a point where I am so miserable the only point of relief I can come up with is to abandon my job.
Now most of these jobs absolutely deserve it. The Westin I was just working at has fired atleast 4 of our banquet staff in the last few months and my boss two days ago, leaving me the last responsible person suddenly overburdened with way too much work and emotional handicaps.
My anxiety will climb through the roof until I'm almost to the point of a panic attack, and even communicating my needs is usually too little too late, because I've probably been miserable for awhile by the time I get things off my chest.
Honestly the work atmosphere in America is dogshit anyway, but I know there has to be a way I can work on this mental deficit to keep me from just walking out for relief. I made it a few weeks longer than I ever have before but, I don't feel any regret leaving. I just want to get better so it won't happen anymore.
Hope you guys empathize, know a solution! So grateful I've found this community.
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ADHD
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Its been 10 years since my ptsd expereince. Some days i feel absolutely horrible and think about it none stop, but other days i feel fine and "normal". When I fluctuate to being in an okay state, I start to think maybe im making it out to be worse then it actually is. At times it'll feel even like maybe im just making it all up and dont actually feel that bad or im being dramatic. The times when Im doing okay make it question if I ever truly had ptsd. But then i also have moments where i get flashbacks and feel all the emotions i felt when I expereinced my traumas. Itll feel like everything triggers me sometimes, I cant get away from it, and I just cry a lot thinking about it all.
Im currently back in therapy for all of this because ive been feeling retraumatized the last 2 months. But the last fews days, ive felt okay and calm. This calm moment has me questioning everything.
Does anyone else expereince these ups and downs?
Edit: Also going to start EMDR therapy on Monday. This also has me questioning, do i really need this for something from 10 years ago? Ive been a mess lately about other things and then started to feel my PTSD symptoms back so I understand logically that I need it. But then I question why im back tracking and if its worth it.
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ptsd
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Does anyone else feel like they deserve to suffer? Like do you visualize yourself getting beaten up or something? I have this feeling that I want to get physically abused because I feel like I deserve pain. I kinda want someone to beat me up. I want someone to punch me hard and kick me on the ground. I have this thought of messing with someone just so that person would beat me up. I like pain because I think I deserve it.
I used to physically and mentally beat myself up because no one would punish me for my shortcomings.
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depression
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As you all know, we're all struggling with OCD. That's why we should start the #LetsKickOCD campaign. Everytime you've accomplished something against this disorder, write it below, even if it's as small as just not doing your compulsion for 10 minutes. Every step forward is a small step forward, no matter how small the progress is. Progress is progress.
So let's do it together!!!
#LetsKickOCD
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OCD
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I hope you don’t mind me posting here, sorry if anything I say comes across as rude, it’s not my attention.
I am 27 years old and have suffered with short term attention all of my life, sometimes it really is terrible. My mum has always suspected that I had ADD but I have never been diagnosed, or even ever gone to the dr’s about it.
I tested as very dyslexic when I was young at school but feel like this may have been a misdiagnoses or only part diagnoses. Are the two linked?
I’m at a bit of a cross roads with what to do. I feel like I really would love to feel some drive and some direction in my life but also feel that if I have managed this far is it worth containing as I have done.
Would love to hear from anyone who feels the same or if anyone decided to get some help. My fear is that I will be found out eventually for continually winging everything
The reason being that I have never cared enough to go and get it sohave lived rted,
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ADHD
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I’ve been told by my therapist i have a decently high chance of having adhd, not diagnosed officially but it’s a step i guess 🤷♂️
basically i cannot do things if i don’t see them as “fun” basically anything that doesn’t make me have that dopamine rush i guess? whenever i try to do it i lose so much motivation it’s almost physically painful and impossible to do the task and i just sit there kinda paralysed and weak. Does this have anything to do with adhd? or is it something different
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ADHD
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Just staring at the computer and still have not done it. I literally physically can’t I don’t understand why I’m such a fucking failure. Worst thing is it would literally take like two hours max, that’s it.. pathetic is all I can call it. Nobody gets it and it’s just ruining so much. Puts a cramp on everything, my relationship with my mom, and I’m sure my friends have a lowered opinion of me after seeing how pathetic this is.
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ADHD
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So im not diagnosed or anything but im rlly scared and not sure what to do.
Ive always had archnaphobia i had spiders deeply but usually unless i can visibly see a spider they dont bother me
But like i had a huge spider in my room. Now usually it doesnt bother me after i know its dead but this time i just couldnt shake the feeling there was something there even weeks after the spider was killed i just cant even enter my room without checking every corner. In the morning i have to careful walk down the steps incase there is one and i have to block the gap under my door and sleep with the lights if i feel something on my i have to check every body part throughloughly and if i dont do it right i have to do it againits its distresssing and im so scared its not gonna go away
And not so long agao ive been super careful when it comes to touching thngs i can barely open the door without sanitizing after
i just wanna know if this is just an intense phobia or not
Am i being stupid when i think its ocd?
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OCD
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Lmao. I’m struggling guys… I went from unmedicated and severely bulimic to medicated and forgetting to eat. Ive never been this indifferent to food in my life and nothing sounds good… I know we need a lot of protein so I’m pretty much surviving on pistachios and protein bars. But I’ve still lost like 20lbs this month… so I need to do better. I really hate cooking… with a passion. I cook food for my husband and kids but I don’t like what I make them (a lot of animal products) because I personally dislike the morals surrounding animal products and while I won’t make my family change their eating habits, I choose to not consume our animals friends. And once I’ve forced myself to cook a meal for my family, there’s no way I’m going to cook a whole other meal for myself… and my husband only eats animal products so there is nothing that we enjoy in common. I like tofu though… I just don’t know how to cook it.
Anyway. Help?!?! What are your staple foods??
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ADHD
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This is very hard to put into words, but basically I think my OCD creates anxiety by telling me there's nothing actually wrong with me and I'm overexaggerating everything and this is how a "normal" person feels.
In turn, this makes me reluctant to go and seek the help I need, because I feel like I'm wasting my own and other people's time because there's nothing wrong with me. Even though I suffer heavy from anhedonia and intrusive thoughts/obsessions. I'm always worried that I'm over exaggerating.
My OCD also has made it so that I truly never know my feelings. I feel like I don't know what feelings are, or how to recognise them. Basically, I'm second guessing myself and I don't know who I am anymore. How does happiness feel? Am I tricking myself into thinking I'm not happy? All these vicious cycles.
Super hard to explain and apologies if I've confused anyone, just want to know if I'm alone in feeling this way.
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OCD
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