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Anyone else ever go through periods like this, it’s horrible I literally just lay in room doing nothing and I just can’t get the energy to socialise at all and it just gets worst because I start thinking is it gonna be like this forever if it is what’s the point on going on If life is gonna be so bleak. I know by saying that it may sound like I’m a suicidal but I’m not but sometimes I just the get the feeling that everything would be so much better if I could just disappear, sorry for the morbid post rant over
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aspergers
|
This bs always happens in the morning and just ruins the rest of my day and now I’ve been ruminating over this all day, the weirdest thing happened to me. So I had an intrusive thought that I would NEVER masturbate to ever, it’s disgusting but it does give me groinal response and usually as sort of compulsion/habit I always grab my genitals when I have a groinal response, like it’s an instinct and this is where it gets confusing, so when I was holding my genitals I had an intrusive thought of me masturbating to the intrusive thought I was getting, like some real inception type of shit, and the thought felt real as if I really did it but I didn’t, all I was doing was holding my genitals.
What I’m ruminating over is...is that masturbation? Even though the feeling wasn’t necessarily real, does the fact that my genitals were in my hand while I have that thought count as masturbation? Logically it doesn’t but I can’t shake the feeling that it does in some way
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OCD
|
YEPP!!! this is so huge for me I cannot believe this. ocd convinced myself something bad would happen if I eat chocolate and if I do eat it I'll be punished but I pushed through!! same thing with wearing the clothes, really. im just so happy
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OCD
|
Hello everyone. Hoping I get some relationship advice, opinions, or to learn maybe I’m not the only one…. Or it’s quite possible that I am just an asshole. This is a super long post and I apologize in advance.
I’m self-diagnosed, 37 years old, and female. My husband and I have been together for 16 years. We got together when he was 28 and I was just turning 21 and about to start my senior year at college. I felt like I had found the perfect person to be with. I felt like I could be myself around him and that he would take care of me. I moved in with him right after I graduated, and we married in 2008.
I love my husband, more than anything (at least I didn’t think that was in question), but I can’t explain why or what I find attractive about him. I always thought I was in love with and assumed I was sexually attracted to him, but more and more, it just looks like maybe I wasn’t. Like maybe I saw him more as a friend or a father figure to take care of me. And while he put me first always (1st, 2nd, and 3rd), I almost always put myself first.
I had always been happy to please him sexually but when it came to actual intercourse or asking for anything for myself, I avoided it. He’s the only person I’ve had penetrative sex with. He’s a bit on the larger side, and I had some baggage that made me worried about having sex with him (though I offered it to two other boyfriends during early college, which I can't really explain why except they were considerably more average). It was really difficult and uncomfortable (sometimes bordering on painful) and has gotten better over the years, but I still have not really been finding it sexually pleasurable, just like it can feel good but doesn’t go beyond that (aside from maybe 2 times where I think we had a good position going for me). As time went on, I stopped offering or initiating (in large part due to the stress of having sex). He took notice and has said all along that he wants a partner who’s as into him as he is into her. I insisted for years that I was that person, and then eventually when it was clear I wasn't ever initiating or really participating, I then started saying I just have no interest in sex.
So yeah, we found out recently that is not the case. I am definitely into sex and guess I have been ignoring it more or less (though there were signs that I had a healthy sex drive that either I or we ignored). I have no idea how I was making this claim that I was never into sex. I believed all this shit I said to him. I now know they were not true, but at the time, I didn't think I was lying to him. It's like I was telling him how I wanted things to be and how I wanted to feel rather than talking about reality. (As of right now, my sex drive is still in full gear. We fool around here and there when either we aren't arguing or we are too horny to care, but this is not sustainable without resolving our issues.)
In reality, I was also terrified he would find someone who met all of his needs. I get ridiculously jealous when he talks to other women who are clearly just friends. (I think this partially stems from my mom leaving us to move to another country when I was 12 and then being ignored by so many people throughout my life.) My husband had several other opportunities with other women over the years but never did anything since he wanted me, he wanted to take care of me, and he believed what I had been telling him.
So it's been 16 years of my husband turning down opportunities, not getting fulfilling sex, and being 100% understanding of my problems and trying to help me through them, meanwhile I was not communicating or being truthful or putting his needs first.
On top of this, my husband has chronic and eventually-terminal blood cancer. He was diagnosed in 2011. Around this time, I think he had been planning to start divorcing me, but then the cancer threw everything out of whack. I was the only person in his life who supported him unconditionally through all of this, while his friends and family completely abandoned him. So he let my excuses slide because he was in love with me and needed me desperately, so he needed to believe what I was saying.
So deep down in my gut, I know I love my husband, and this whole thing makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like I ruined his life, wasted his opportunities... and then I have all these questions like... Why can’t I explain why I love him? Why can’t I state some of the things about him that stand out to me and that I like? Why can’t I explain why I want to continue to be with him? Or do I just want this because it’s comfortable and because I’m getting what I want?
Does anyone struggle with any of this? Either being unable to explain why you love someone and want to be with them... or telling people what you think they want to hear, especially when you are really worried they will realize how they don't need you at all... or wanting desperately to be with someone but not wanting sex with them?
We are desperately looking for reasons that I could have done this to him (aside from being horribly selfish and self-preserving and/or thinking of him only as a friend, both of which will be the end for our relationship). He needs me from a practical standpoint, and starting over for him when he is sick will be difficult, if not impossible. Just wondering if having ASD could make me so damn confused about love and relationships that I created this horrible situation.
Also, I just want to point out how despite my neglect, my husband has always been supportive of me and is not forgetting the fact that I've been there for him through his cancer and problems with his family. It's just that he wanted a true romantic relationship with fulfilling sex on both sides, and he was very clear about that from the beginning of our relationship.
I feel so stupid asking this.
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aspergers
|
Hi! I'm a person with a few mental disorders already (Aphantasia, SAD, CPTSD) and I think I might have ADHD, as I exhibit quite a few symptoms similar to those I know with ADHD. These symptoms are starting to impact my daily life and make it difficult to do easy things like cook and pick up my room, and it's starting to really frustrate me. I want to get officially tested for ADHD, and possibly start going to therapy to get help for my symptoms, ADHD-related or now. But I'm not entirely sure where to start. As this a subreddit entirely dedicated to the ADHD community, I thought I would post here and get advice. TIA :)
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ADHD
|
In July, I realized from a Reddit meme I might have ADHD. I looked into it and it lined up exactly with my crippling lifelong issues that had been diagnosed as bipolar. So I called my doctor immediately armed with this new information as to why I was struggling so bad with even the most basic tasks like showering and...he immediately dismissed me. I could barely get a sentence out. He sent me over to the bipolar clinic which was eager to give me bipolar meds even though I was sure at that point I wasn't bipolar. But they too dismissed me when I said I had ADHD.
Well, after months of seeing doctors, scheduling appointments, booking rides for appointments. All things I am absolutely terrible at. I finally found a shrink that would actually listen to me. After months of therapy, I was diagnosed with ADHD and prescribed Adderall. I figured it'd take tons of time to figure out the right meds and the right dosage. But nope, day one, the fog that has been drowning out forty-one years of my life cleared and I now know what normal people feel like.
Fighting the stigma of ADHD might be the hardest battle you'll ever have to fight. My own family called me a drug addict for even thinking I had ADHD even though I've never even tried a cigarette let alone illegal drugs and I'm somehow a junkie for figuring out why life was so hard. But there is an end to the tunnel. You might not see it, but it's there. And coming out the other side is so worth it.
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ADHD
|
Hello! I have lost a lot of close family members recently and I am struggling with grief. A lot of advice surrounding grief is typically aimed at neurotypical people, and I have been struggling finding advice for people with ADHD.
So please, if you have something that works for you; be it long term or when the pain hits, please let me know ❤️
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ADHD
|
I’m on Adderall XR 10mg, and my sleeping schedule is everywhere. I haven’t taken it in like, 4 days, because I keep waking up late and if I take it at 4 pm I won’t be able to sleep at 4 am.
I’m working on getting my sleeping schedule back but it’s hard due to being a paranormal investigator and having nights where I stay up until 4-7 am.
I want to go on IR but my issue is how bad it would make my anxiety? Does it make anxiety worse than XR? Does it help with insomnia better?
What’s everyone’s experience with IR?
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ADHD
|
Hey guys
I mad this account for this reason only
For this years christmas i want to buy my girlfriend some sort of guided mental health journal. I have no experience with any of these books and there seem to be so many.
Can anyone recommend me one?
I'm looking for a journal that you can write in daily and maybe asks you to write down positive stuff and so on. I want to write some cute stuff on the page borders as well :)
Thanks in advance
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depression
|
I am having some trouble with ERP and compulsions. I have this compulsion to fully rehearse and visualize a bad event happening in the future so I can get rid of the negative feelings associated with it so I can be prepared or prevent my reaction to the event so It won't be so painful. This feels and sounds really similar to ERP in some ways but it's got a different flavor to it. It's a compulsion masquerading as ERP. For example I feel like the more I compulsively rehearse and think about my mom getting old, then I won't be so sad when it actually happens. This takes up a long long time. So I am having trouble separating this compulsion from ERP. Because in ERP I have to write a script about a thing like this happening, but instead of doing it to prevent myself from being sad it's more to sit with the uncertainty that I don't know what's going to happen or that I can't imagine what it will be like until It happens and learning to live with it. Even though I know that they both are different it is sometimes really hard for me to separate the two from each other. Does anyone else have this experience?
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OCD
|
Hello everyone! I’m new to reddit so please cut me some slack. As the title says, I was diagnosed with PTSD just recently.
I have been seeing a therapist for the past year and I finally had to courage to talk about my past traumatic experiences. I’m 25 now and these things happened to me when I was 15-17 ish. I was frustrated because even though these things happened a long time ago they still affected me and I just wanted these intrusive thoughts and what I now know as flashbacks to go away. Then, boom, a PTSD diagnosis. Which makes a lot of sense.
Getting that diagnosis kind of made me spiral. I felt so confused and overwhelmed. It never even crossed my mind that I could have PTSD.
Anyway, I’ve been trying to educate myself on PTSD since I really didn’t know much about it before this diagnosis and trying to identify triggers of flashbacks and just generally how this disorder relates to me personally.
As a newly diagnosed person, is there any advice you can give me or resources that you’d recommend?
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ptsd
|
I was wondering if any of you have had trouble with things happening during your regular day, like at work, without you realizing it. I tend to spend most of my time in this state where I feel like I'm floating above my body and I'm not fully present. Sometimes I'll just be working, doing something that I've done a million times and does not require my concentration, and I'll completely dissociate without realizing it. I'll come back to myself and I'll sometimes be talking to myself, or crying. I don't want to worry my work mates, is there anything you guys have found that can keep you inside your body so you don't just mentally leave at random?
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ptsd
|
I’m a “doer” sort of person, and I don't feel like I'm *doing things*.
I'm studying at University. There haven’t been any problems; I turned in my first assignment and I’m proud of it. My peers are friendly, and I like my lecturers and supervisors.
But I'm ***exhausted***. I’m sick of sitting at a desk and listening to lectures. I’m sick of staring at a book trying to process information. ***I can’t learn like this***. Yes, I take breaks and go on walks. I doodle, eat snacks, and drink water.
I’m not sure if others with ADHD feel the same way, but I’m struggling. I knew that university included a lot of studying, but I thought I could handle it. But as the days go by, I only feel more and more exhausted; there are too many words and they turn into white noise in my brain. I can't see direct results, my notes don't feel like 'doing something. Participating in lectures doesn't make me feel better. I've never struggled in school and I had good grades, so I don't know why I find university so exhausting and draining.
I want to work for my future, and learn *something*. But university overwhelms me, and I don't know what to do.
(Side Note: I miss gardening, mushroom foraging. I never had the opportunity to do so as a child, but I feel so much better in nature. It almost feels like I should never have gone there. Because now I miss being out in nature a little *too* much.)
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ADHD
|
I'm pretty confident I have ADHD and so is my normal doctor but I'm not officially diagnosed, so I should mention that. However a couple months ago I developed pretty bad tics and I'm now on non stimulant medication for ADHD and Tics, but I was just wondering if other people had both, because people seem to think you can only have tics from tourettes or anxiety. I know there's a big overlap between ADHD and tourettes though so it could be back. Mostly just wondering if anyone else has tics and adhd and what other people's experiences are, and how people cope with both.
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ADHD
|
This may not be the best place for this but I gotta get it out. I love my spouse but I'm ready to lose my mind. PTSD, anxiety, depression, and anger are taking its toll on me. I can't keep up with the mood changes anymore. We've been trying to buy a house. Finding what we want that doesn't get sold immediately is hard. I did all the work to get our credit fixed, get preapproved, and get us set up with a realtor. Now all a sudden he wants to stay where we are. It's a 2 hour drive 1 way for him each day. One day it's let's keep looking, then the anger comes out and he yells to just forget it and leave him. A hour later it's he wants a new car instead so let's do that before a house. The next day it's back to let's get a house. I'm getting whiplash from the changes. I cant keep up. Then the depression kicks in of he's not enough and he should be able to make both happen at once. I have no one to talk to. If I try and talk to my family it's all he's just being lazy bc he gets to sleep all day while everyone else is gone and not deal with his own child. Everything falls on me, which it does. He's home alone sleeping all day then I come home to cook, clean, and do everything for his children. I'm trying to be patient and understanding but I'm reaching my end. His priority is spending money on shit that doesn't matter. The place were in needs a lot of work and the landlord drags his feet or expects us to take care of it. I try and talk to him and I get he's done he's just gonna shut up and let me make all the choices. He'll just be a checkbook. All I want is to be on the same page. I don't think it's too much to ask for
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ptsd
|
I went into my local Target and I was in the pharmacy area. There was a makeshift screen where they were giving COVID vaccines that may has well not even been there. It was right next to he cash register and anyone could see in. The issue that I have is that they had the red sharps used needles container on the pharmacy counter right next to the cash register where anyone could see it, any kid could grab it and I don't think it belonged there. People were checking out and putting their items on the counter right next to the sharps container to pay for them. As a person with OCD, I got upset and left. I logically know that all the stores that give vaccines have these sharps containers, I have never seen one much less seen one so accessible. I got upset because I felt this was not the appropriate place for this , put it behind the counter! I left the store but now I need to buy essentials and need to go back. This is a big one for me. Am I the crazy one?
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OCD
|
I was raised to do my best onto others my entire life, so for a long time I busted but working, went out of my way to help family and friends and stangers alike.
I feel like I have lived up to that mentality for a long time, so why is it that even though I do my best at my job, i help anyone who needs me, I listen and try to help others with there problems. So why is it that after trying do so much positive actions through my time would I get cursed with a year like this.
I lost my grandmother this year, as well as my would have been second born daughter, I there after had family get into a car accident, and to end it all I get told 15 days before my 6 year wedding anniversary that my wife thinks she wants a divorce.
I just honestly wish there was something out there to show me there is answer to why this has been such a tough year. Thank you for listening
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depression
|
I've done exercise ate healthy practiced my hobby watched TV smoked a doobie talked to the family read a book
But I still have suicidal ideation constantly and my brain is as bored as ever
I'm so tired but I can't sleep, so restless but so lazy
I have friends to talk to but I'm so lonely
I want a fucking boyfriend I see my sister come back from a holiday payed for by a friend and my friends cant even make space for me sometimes, I exercise constantly I try so hard with nutrition and how I look, I'm still not confident enough to date, my sister just ate what I would in a week in a filthy bed with her bf AND IM SO FUCKING JEALOUS all insecurities showing but they don't care
I put in the effort, no one gives it back im so done
I feel like I'm missing out all the time my life is so unrewarding the fucking scales don't tip for me
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depression
|
I woke up this morning, tried to start my day and had a panic attack. I had to sit in my bathroom with the lights off for some time before I felt ok.
I feel like I lied when I called in sick today. I’m fine but I’m not well.
Why can’t I convince myself that I am unwell? Even after a panic attack. Maybe it doesn’t fall into the traditional sense of being ill, physically unwell. I just feel more guilty now, like I lied and I need to get back to work.
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depression
|
Does anyone else has this feeling of needing to go home when you’re in your own house? Every time I break down I just repeat to myself that I want to go home when I’m already in my room. I don’t know what it means but I know that it’s a place of peace and warmth.
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depression
|
Does anyone have any tips for how to focus at work when you have OCD and concentrating fees impossible?
|
OCD
|
hi so yesterday i was hit by a car while on my way to work, i immediately told the driver to take me home and ever since then i have been shaking violently, indoors, not able to move my upper right leg and lower back much ( thats what was hit on impact) and ive had alot of flashbacks to the moment and i cant seem to stop. i didnt go to the hospital because it wasnt that bad and honestly im terrified of hospitals. but i dont know what to do, ive been absolutely miserable and barely talking to anyone except my gf. i dont know how to cope with what happened. beforehand, i did have twitches/ticks associated with my learning disability, but now i keep flinching on my right side even when nothing comes close. i dont know whats wrong with me but im fucking terrified of going outside, let alone out of my room. what should i do to help myself heal from this?
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ptsd
|
I have a few questions:
​
1. How do you experience the contact with people with ASS / autism / aspergers in real life? (If you have any)
​
2. Do you feel like you immediatly get eachother our does it still feel awkward like with some NT people?
3. Do you feel like you can recognize autism / ASS in others more easy?
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aspergers
|
I am just angry and confused...
It seems like mental health is so badly handled...
I live in Europe, and even here, since psychologists aren't considered medical doctors, I can't be reimbursed by my insurance or be taken care of by the state if I want to take therapy sessions.
Those sessions are incredibly expensive, the cheapest that I found being 50 euros (about 56 US dollars) per session. I need to save money, I can't just throw 56 dollars for 1 session only knowing I'd need several hours of therapy.
I reached out to a couple of non-profit as well and don't get me wrong, I know they can't afford to take in everybody and that they are essentially running up on donations, I completely understand that but it stings when they say they can't help you at the moment or that you don't meet certain criteria to have your sessions covered.
I tried a few apps. Some are interesting and lend a perceptive ear but a lot of them are also drowned in bots and whatnot. On top of that, the people on these type of apps, although good hearted, don't not have the same level or experience to deal with people suffering from greater mental problems.
I've been emailing and having regular conversation with a prevention hotline (they offer mail services as well and are free) but the messages are delayed in time since they're mails. The recipients also, often have a lots of clients to deal with and can't answers you promptly which I understand too.
Just like the apps, those people, although with a bit more experience, lack the empathetic tools to properly deal with people like me so we're often running in dead ends in a lot of our discussions...
I haven't tried to call them maybe there's that. There's also possibly an org taking in freely people suffering so I might try that as well but I fear I'll get rejected again. It feels so hopeless...
Sometimes, I am really questioning if people are as compassionate as they pretend or if it's just to appear as a goody two shoes. They say they want to help but as soon as they get in convs with you, they just \*poof\* disappear.
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depression
|
First time posting here but I'll make it very short.
I was prescribed Vyvanse 50mg in 2018 and been taking it ever since.
Just last week I turned 25 and in Ontario where Im from once you turn 25 you no longer qualify for OHIP+ and have to pay an insane amount of money for it $300+.
Now Ive run out of my normal pills and have been feeling like shit.
Has anyone experienced something similar after being off meds like these?
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ADHD
|
this has been my fear since I was nine years old. it comes in waves, but every time I see a scary headline in the news I completely break down and start obsessing over it. it started because I was in elementary school when I learned about the 2012 end of the world thing, and it completely fucked up my world. I have felt corrupted ever since and on track to develop many mental illnesses.
for the past seven months I’ve had severe health anxiety, but then I saw a scary headline recently and all of my health anxieties are completely gone and I don’t even care anymore because I’m just focusing on the new thing. I legitimately almost fainted when I read what it was. I feel so alone with my struggles
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OCD
|
My fellow aspies, is it common to be obsessed with your friends and neighbors and want to spend all of your time with them?
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aspergers
|
I've been losing this battle in my head again lately, back in 2017 I went into a ward for trying to commit not live. I've been getting thoughts more and more frequently. The only thing keeping me here is that I don't want anyone blaming themselves for my sickness. I really don't like opening up so it's hard for me to talk to anyone about it.
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depression
|
Hey I just had a question about Concerta. I recently got diagnosed as an adult and im taking 18mg concerta for a few weeks (with breaks in-between). It helps immensely but one thing I realized is concerta spiked my anxiety. Not to a point of panic attack, but its getting annoying. I want to know,
\- is there anything I can do for the anxiety?
\- how do you prevent urself from focusing on the wrong thing with concerta? Do you modify your environment or other things help and are there other tricks.
Also I had another question. Im new to knowing I have ADHD. Yea there were always signs and I was tested as a kid for it, I don't know how to say it but I feel as though I am a fraud. That it isn't that I actually have ADHD but that I am just being lazy and unmotivated and that this is a excuse I am just giving myself. If anyone has any experience with this, Id love to hear your thoughts about it and if you ever came to terms with this.
​
Finally, what amount of my symptoms is ADHD and what amount is just my own laziness and lack of willpower? With medication and therapy will I be able to fix these things or is it all just ADHD and I'm sorta just stuck with this.
​
Thanks for the replies in advance, I hope to hear from you guys soon.
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ADHD
|
I know that I’m supposed to label intrusive thoughts as just thoughts and nothing else and that these thoughts are automatic and not up to me but what if these thoughts I’m having are completely legitimate and I can pretend like the thoughts aren’t carved into the back of my eye lids and burning a whole in my brain but they are and they are completely legitimate and not subjective. What do I do. How do I make them not matter????
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OCD
|
I have pretty bad PTSD from abuse that I suffered/ and witnessed when I was a child. I watched my mom get beaten bloody on many occasions as well as experience the abuse myself from as early as I can remember until I was 6 years old. One of the things my father would do when he got upset with me over something was hold his guns to my head and threaten to shoot me. He would yell and scream and I knew if he pulled the trigger I would die. To this day I have a lot of difficulty when I see a gun, which is unfortunate because it’s something that’s pretty popular in tv shows, movies, the news. But I’ve learned how to cope with it so that I don’t break down every time I see one. My boyfriend bought a gun over a month ago and I asked him to never bring it out in front of me, never show it to me, and that I didn’t have a problem with it because I trust him and it’s not for me to say he can’t have one. But today while I was at work, just out of the blue, he texted me and told me he sold his gun. We live in FL and apparently that’s completely legal to do here. I started freaking out because why would you sell a gun to a complete stranger?? He said the guy was really nice and had a concealed carry permit and he told me the guys name so I looked him up on Facebook and I saw that he has a wife and 3 little girls. And when I saw those little girls my stomach sank and I couldn’t stop thinking about them in the situations that I was in when I was little. I was breaking down at work and of course I couldn’t tell anyone why I was freaking out so I just said I didn’t feel well and needed to leave. I know that sometimes my trauma reacts for me and that I “over react” in some situations but my bf doesn’t understand why the whole situation upset me so much and it’s just made me feel pretty upset all day
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ptsd
|
OCD feels like a box I built to protect myself from the world, but now I’m stuck inside a cage I made myself and I can’t get out. Every time I tear some part of it down, my mind rebuilds it without my consent. I wish I could choose to live free and afraid, instead of in prison, where I never really feel safe anyways.
I’m 30 and I’ve been in and out of OCD therapy since I was 12, so I know the drill. I do the work. I’ve been back in ERP the last two years.
Thanks for listening.
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OCD
|
The one person I need rn wont talk to me.. the one person I need rn won’t tell me she loves me after a fight anymore. I’m always the problem.. I always have been…. I don’t know why everyone love to reject me.. even my fiancée doesn’t want me
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depression
|
This might be a trigger to some.
A couple of days ago there was something posted to FB about a consent law. In my country it does not count unless you were threatened in some way. So just saying no, is not enough. It does not count as rape even if you say no. The comments scared me the most. People were agreeing with this. It is only rape if you were beaten or threatened. So me, being drugged by two people i thought were my friends, was not rape. According to some people spousal rape is not a thing either. Sleeping in a bed with someone and saying no but them going at it anyways is normal, not rape. It is just my obligation to give away this body. My ex would rape me. According to some it does not count because i was with him. It was my fault cause i did not leave. I was scared he was going to kill me.
I have been thinking about this for a while now, honestly the whole fb post made me depressed. I felt bad for the girl it was about that read these comments.
I dont think i can ever come out to anyone i know about this now
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ptsd
|
i'm tired of this, i'm just angry and sad. OCD is ruinning my life
|
OCD
|
Has anyone gotten seasonal depression so bad they just up and moved ? I was already depressed after having a baby now seasonal depression is settling in again. My husband wants to just up and leave but that’s so hard in a depressive state of mind. I’m way too overwhelmed. Has moving helped anyone with S.A.D ?
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depression
|
Hey all,
I spoke to my GP lastnight about some concerns I've been having and she sent me a form to fill out regarding ADHD (the part A and part B one) and today I recieved an appointment for a triage in 3 weeks at the Mental Health Triage and Assessment Service. It says it's a telephone/video appointment that's expected to last around 20 minutes.
Could someone who's gone through the process in the UK help me out with what part of the process this is?
Many thanks!!
|
ADHD
|
My little sister (28, F) recently came to visit me (30, F) with very short notice (less than two days, 8 hours away). I offered immediately to have her stay with me. She has self-diagnosed with OCD, so I planned to clean and have fresh sheets, towels, etc. for her arrival. But I didn’t tell her this. I was just going to do it because that’s what I do when anyone stays over. Still, she told me she preferred to stay at an AirBnb downtown and pay even though she’s very low on money.
Tonight she told me her AirBnb stay ended unexpectedly and she had nowhere to go. I immediately offered my place and told her I would have everything ready for her and she could perform any rituals she needed to feel comfortable. She then eventually said she decided to stay with someone she just met, which is a huge risk. She said it was due to her OCD and that it was related to more than just being clean (which I never mentioned) and that I didn’t understand.
Also, when I did things with her, like take her out to dinner, she insisted on taking separate cars despite saying she had no money for gas and complained about the cost of parking, which I ended up paying for both of us.
I don’t understand. I know it’s tics and more than just being in a clean place, but she can stay over at our sister’s or our parents’ with no issue. It seems to be just me, which is odd because out of all of the members of our family, I’m alienated the least and I’m the one she says she’s closest too.
I’m at a loss. She said she has one of the most extreme forms of OCD (again, unofficially diagnosed) but that I wouldn’t understand anyway, so there is no point in telling me about it. I have no idea what to say or do. It’s been this way for years.
She also has been diagnosed officially with ADD (since 3) and bipolar disorder (since college). She also claims to have a number of other undiagnosed/self-diagnosed issues ranging from heart problems to a connective tissue disorder to more. And anytime I ask an in-depth question vs. automatic sympathy, she gets defensive and tells me I wouldn’t understand and she doesn’t want to explain it. Does OCD ever tie into Munchausen’s? Kinda unrelated, but I still don’t know what to do or how to help. Is this normal with OCD?
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OCD
|
Trigger warning: abuse, molestation, neglect, suicide.
I'm just waiting to die.
I was raised by teenagers who were too dumb to get an abortion at 16 because they had an "I'll show you" attitude and wanted to prove my grandparents wrong. The blind leading the blind.
My father started becoming abusive when I was 6. He has borderline and type 2 narcissism. Every single day was walking on eggshells in constant fear.
Somewhere between age 2 and 5 or so I was molested and I have no idea who did it.
I grew up raised on TV sitting in my room alone. At around 12 my father made my mom start stripping. The lies they told me to cover it were so flimsy I felt my intelligence extremely insulted. Eventually, they started swinging. My room was in the basement and theirs right above. Some weekends couples would stay over and I'd have to hear things no one on earth ever wants to hear. The other weekends they'd leave Friday and not come home until Sunday night. "Here's some money for pizza. You know where the gun is if you need it."
At 16, I walked in on my father choking my mom. Somehow I finally got over my paralyzing fear of him and pulled a knife on him. There was a struggle which gave my mom the opportunity to run to the neighbors and call the police. We were finally free, at least physically.
I realize this probably makes my mom look bad, but I never blamed her for a second. My father is a big guy who looks exactly like if Woody Harolson in Natural Born Killers and Stone Cold Steve Austin had a baby. Like all narcissists, he was great at appearing to be a nice fun guy to outsiders, but behind closed doors he was a fucking nightmare.
School wasn't much better. I was constantly bullied and publicly humiliated by students and teachers alike. I got in a lot of trouble for fighting, until they figured out they can just run from me and I'll never catch them because I'm a fat piece of shit.
I never had more than 1 or 2 friends at a time in my life. Starting all the way back in kindergarten and continuing to this day, people just don't seem to like me, so I don't much like them anymore. I had 2 friends remaining. One died 3 years ago from heroin, the other is moving away soon.
Things got better for a while after leaving my father. There were a few happy years there. Then that all came crashing down.
In 2006 I herniated a disk at work. By 2008 it ruptured and caused permanent damage to my sciatic nerve. Even after 2 surgeries I remain in chronic pain to this day and have to take pain meds for it.
In 2010 a miracle happened. I got married. We had 4 amazing years together before she started stealing my meds. I'm not socially adept enough to ever know when I'm being manipulated. She had me convinced that I was taking too many. She gaslit me so good in many ways, to the point I got a CT scan of my brain, which she encouraged. I was legitimately concerned I was developing early onset alzheimers. I'd run out of meds early every month, sometimes a week or more. I'd be writhing in agony withdrawing on one end of the couch, while she's high as fuck on the other end on my meds that I legitimately need. Of course the brain scan was completely normal.
Eventually she moved onto heroin after confessing what she'd done. I wanted to help her. She was my wife and I still loved her, but she kept continuing to lie about things. She confessed later to getting hotel rooms with strangers while we were separated to go do heroin. Since she had no job or money at this point, I could only conclude she was trading sex. I never spoke to her again after that.
I chose to become celibate after this, as I had been cheated on, lied to, and stolen from by not just my wife, but 4 previous girlfriends. I stayed celibate for 5 years until I had a moment of weakness and got on tinder.
I met a girl and fell for her immediately, and she claimed the same. Then I found out she also has been diagnosed with borderline and npd. I felt we had such a connection that, like a true idiot, I confessed to her every little trauma, every insecurity, all my sources of self loathing. I gave her a bag full of daggers and exposed my back willingly, trusting her not to use them, yet that is exactly what she did.
I realized later in therapy that my brain is seeking out ways to relive the trauma I went through, because that's what feels normal to me, somewhere deep in there.
When I finally had enough of her abuse I ended it. That's when the harassment started. Constant calls, texts, emails, etc. The most vile, disgusting insults I've ever read. She cut me down in every way she knew would hurt the most, including encouraging me to kill myself and offering to help.
I ended up in the psyche ward on a 3 day hold. The day I got out she texted me asking why I'm not dead yet. "You want some help, pussy?"
I wanted to go get a restraining order and report her for the death threats, but I was simply in too traumatized of a state to do anything but hide in my room for weeks, cutting off all contact with the world.
My therapist diagnosed me with complex ptsd, which has led to major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, social phobia, agoraphobia, panic disorder, and adhd for a cherry on top.
I did therapy for about a year. She is a trauma specialist and she is very good, but I just can't do therapy anymore. I got to the bottom of a lot of things, and hopefully that will keep me from making that mistake again. Hopefully I can stay celibate this time. The problem with therapy is what do you do when you discover what is wrong with you? Therapy had no practical, actionable ways to help me "get better." Yes I know what's wrong with me, now what? There seems to be no answer.
From the time I was 16 until recently, I tried 13 different psyche drugs and none did anything but give me side effects. Eventually, my doctor had my DNA tested to find out how other psyche drugs would affect me. Literally every single psyche drug in existence, other than benzos, are simply incompatible with me on a genetic level. Cannabis is the only thing that seems to help, and by help I mean make me numb. That seems to be the best I can hope for.
So here I sit, a "man" of 38, a crippled loser in my little room in my parent's house. Because of my disability and chronic pain I can never work. I sit and watch TV all day every day. I'm a shut-in. I have no passion for anything at all. I don't want to do a single thing but sit here.
So at this point I'm just waiting to die. The only thing keeping me here is the fact that I have animals who depend on me and I can't traumatize what little family I have left. I have a mom, a step-dad, and 2 much younger brothers now. I have to hold on for them. I hate being trapped here just staying alive to spare others' feelings. I don't know how much longer I can hang on for other people.
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depression
|
I'm really scared. In general. Because... Thoughts can trigger episodes. I don't even know. I don't know how to ask for help. Is getting help, as a 26 year old girl, for PTSD, easy? Possible? My insurance is government and well I am not able to advocate for myself.
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ptsd
|
I don’t know any of the people I’ve seen out in public the past few days but I get a strong sense I know them?? Like they all look very familiar? :(
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ptsd
|
I have my first set of exams coming up and I have zero idea as to what I'm doing. I've asked my parents and some teachers non of which are helpful. I tried studying Afrikaans yesterday (my second most despised subject) and landed up throwing my book at the wall several times in a fit of rage and broke it. No one has bothered to teach me how to study and sorta just expected me to figure it out on my own. Any tips or anything is appreciated.
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ADHD
|
My wife has really bad PTSD from a sexual assault when she was a young teen, shes in her mid twenties now specifically 8 years apart, (dont want to give on the dot ages as im giving more info than i really want to give) Shes been having some really rough patches and me being a pretty awful husband don't know how to handle it and its been causing some horrible fights. Long story short Im coming here to ask for ideas on how to help her as she doesn't really know what will help. Any ideas are highly appreciated.
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ptsd
|
I just don't have the will anymore to cope with everything. I haven't had a job in some years and my last one left me wanting to kill myself every day). I hated that job I hate Amazon for that reason and I'm always asked why not "Another warehouse" or "retail" and the answer is simple I'll kill myself first. I can't cope with being a fucking failure everyone else in my family managed to find a path. Why do I have to be such a failure why did I have to run into such monsters.
I don't want to do it anymore I can't cope with my memories anymore either it's too much to deal with just kill me. I'm tired of being expected to tolerate abuse a year of stockholm syndrome, a lifetime of anxiety and depression just fucking kill me and make it quick.
​
For me to have any chance would take a god damn miracle and I just don't see that happening. Oh but I get to keep hearing "things will get better" I've been told that for years they got better for everyone else but worse for me.
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depression
|
Just caught myself in a time slip and left wondering where the decades have gone.
I saw news coverage today linked to PTSD and the film "Three Kings" being 20 years since it was released. Then I realised I had a copy and it's still on my "To Watch List" and 20 years have gone by.
To me it was yesterday - my memories are of Yesterday - emotionally it is yesterday - even socially it's all yesterday and yet it's 20 years of missing.
Trying to get Joe Public and even Jo Medical Professional to grasp time slips and memory issues that relate to decades is all too often impossible. I just find it comical having a Swiss Cheese Memory in my Jello Brain.
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ptsd
|
***So, I wanted to write this post about how I just cleaned my Computer Room and Room, and most of the House. But it developed into nerding out about my latest appointment,***
**Summary:** *Had multiple in-person appointments throughout 2020. The first appointment of 2021, was a phone appointment due to a Lockdown in Western Australia. Due to how Western Australia is - one cannot book an appointment over the phone. So to loophole this, the Psychiatrist promised to book, with my approval, for my follow-up appointment.*
*Fast-forward 6 months, on the last few of my Vyvanse. Find out that my Psychiatrist failed to book me, even though he noted it down. He has apologised. Due to the error, I took a 'script without consult'. Meaning I can acquire a script, without consulting and talking with my Psychiatrist.*
*An example: Normal Appointment -> Script Without Consult -> Normal Appointment (Okay).*
*Normal Appointment -> Script Without Consult -> Script Without Consult (Not Legal).*
**The issue,** *the time since March I have been struggling. And really needed to talk to my Psychiatrist. The same Psychiatrist who, on my first appointment, gave me the impression and spoke of - him being accessible and always there for his patients. I felt as if I was given the script, and forgotten about. It betrayed my original view of my Psychiatrist and my ADHD treatment.*
**I reflected,** *I looked to the past, recalled what I could. Why did I feel these things? What happened during our appointments. What do we talk about? Am I truly honest during these appointments? What could I do to improve?*
**What I did,** *I sat down, opened a word document, and sectioned aspects of my life on a word document. School, Relationships, Work, Life, Hygiene, Housework, Social. I just summarised each, and at the top - a checklist. So when I had my appointment, I had two copies ready. One for my Psychiatrist, and one for me.*
*After the greetings, I just cut to the chase. And said: "I hope this is okay with you, but I have cemented my thoughts, and happenings, on paper. Because I find that when I am asked, 'How is \_\_\_' I either white-lie, feel shame, or avoid the topic altogether. And then have an inability, to talk about, or share information.*
**The Result,** *we only had a 30-minute appointment and covered more than my past 6 hours of appointments. The Psychiatrist found out things, that further helped him help me. I found out more about myself, from his feedback. And I even brought up the sensation of feeling 'given a script and forgotten about'. And asked if his words/impression during the first appointment were genuine or just reassurance.*
*Normally I would not have the confidence to create confrontation like this. But, it was written down. With my perspective, and my Psychiatrist informed me that he informed the Receptionists to forward his email. He personally gave me his email, and actually keeps in continuous (respectable) contact with many of his patients.*
*The psychiatrist also found out more about my family, and has recommended, and has started, the process of having me assessed for being on the Autism Spectrum.*
*I have moved on from Vyvanse \[Lisadexamphetamine (50 mg 1x daily)\] to Dexi \[Aspen Dexamfetamine (5 mg 6x daily)\]. This is due to my request for an 'Upper'. Took Vyvanse at 6 am, stopped by lunchtime. Instead 6x Dexi, that can be taken every 2 hours. With varying times, and flexibility.*
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ADHD
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It's especially bad if they have a similar layout, but everything just in a few different places, I had to leave a store once cause I couldn't deal with it.
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aspergers
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tw for mentioning sexual abuse
i often see sa victims discuss how their abuse has left them with fear of intimacy or distrust in relationships. sa victims who feel torn and want justice for their abuse.
i feel alone when i say i feel the opposite. don’t get me wrong, i know what happened to me was abuse. it’s just that i enjoyed what happened to me and i can’t shake that feeling. my flashbacks are usually calming and i actively seek out relationships like i had with my abusers.
the people in my life know i have ptsd but i’ve only just started opening up to others about this. i was just wondering if anyone else here experiences something similar to what i feel. i feel extremely messed up for even admitting that i enjoyed being abused and that there’s something wrong with me. i feel guilt, shame, and contempt for myself for sexualizing what happened to me when so many others suffer from the same type of abuse.
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ptsd
|
Hi everyone,
I have severe swallowing OCD. There's a bigger back story behind it where I've had severe OCD in many forms throughout my life but always hidden it well. I'm now in a career with serious responsibility and it's like OCD decided I'd like a visit after years of life being really good and it's sabotaging my life. I can't swallow solid food ( actually I can and doctors can confirm this as can I when I'm drunk or really really relaxed ) and I've finally been diagnosed and educated on OCD. I look back now at times I've thrown up with anxiety when I had intrusive thoughts and think 'wow if only I'd known'. Weirdly I am in a good place mood wise, I'm in love with a great man and life is very good on paper but I just want to shake this off. I've started exposure response therapy and the concept makes a lot of sense. This has at least helped me swallow liquids including in public which is huge for me. What I am not quite getting though is what I can do about the physical sensations I'm having. As in when I go to swallow my entire mouth and muscles I didn't even know I could feel in my throat seize up and its different to a compulsion I've had before such as hitting the door with my handbag in a certain spot everyday on the way out the house as I feel like this is the only way my mind will let me swallow. When I try to let it happen normally my mind just doesn't allow it. Is there something I should do to encourage it in the mean time? Meant to say I am getting CBT soon aswell through my employer but there's a waiting list due to the work I do causing so many people to have mental health problems. I've started ERP on my own as best I can out of sheer desperation until then but I will have professional help soon. I am also on meds ( beta blockers ) which help a lot but was wondering if anyone's had success with SSRI'S and ocd? I'm due to see my GP again soon and she's wanting to know whether I will try them or not. Thanks everyone!!!!
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OCD
|
Being an aspie is tough, I have such vision and goals for myself. I have an obsession with business/investing. I have multiple accounts that I need to frequently deposit big % of my income into to achieve my goals for my wife and I which includes moving out of state and buying a house and retiring happily. So I need a reliable stream of income to fund my life-vision.
Here’s the kicker though, I can’t hold down a job for the life of me. I’m very professional and can secure the job easily in the interview. But once I start, I loathe the set schedule, the overwhelming anxiety of learning a new job, the existential crisis that hits by my 3rd day of starting that says: “this is 1/3 of your life now, the other 1/3 is sleep and you have no free time to do the things you love anymore”
I hate being a wage slave and stuck in the rat race even though it’s part of life. Being simultaneously motivated and lazy is a special hell of itself. I have gone through about 15 jobs in the past 2 years and it’s putting a lot of pressure on my relationship, I can’t continue doing this much longer but autistic burnout and meltdowns make me make rash decisions and I quit and live off my future house fund.
Has anybody else been in this situation before? Is there a way to control this? A prescription I can take to just make me comfortable going through what’s necessary for me to have a happy life even if it sucks right now? What’s the solution? I also have no insurance right now but my brain wants to seek therapy, work out and be healthy to improve my mindset, but my body just won’t comply. What do?
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aspergers
|
I don’t know if this is related to my ADHD or not but I have a serious issue with constantly being overly aware of literally everything. I know that it probably seems backwards for someone with ADHD, as you typically associate ADHD with zoning out and forgetfulness, but let me explain.
I can’t think of a single time in my life where I felt truly present. It’s almost as if I experience everything as a second-hand observer. It’s incredibly difficult to explain but I just feel like I am an observer of my own self. Because of this, I feel extremely aware of everything all the time. When I zone out, I am sort of aware that I’m zoning out. But it’s not like I’m aware of it because I’m choosing to zone out/continue zoning out. I’m aware of it because I feel like I am observing myself zone out. It is terrifying because it makes me feel like I’m not in control of my own self, like my concious self exists independently from my actual brain. The zoning out thing is just one example; it applies to basically everything. Like for example in conversations my lack of impulse control and distractability typically results in me cutting people off, blurting stuff out, hogging the conversation, oversharing, and just rambling on jumping from topic to topic. I hate that I do these things and always feel bad about it and I’m sure people get annoyed of it. Even worse is that usually I’m completely aware that I am doing these things, but am still entirely helpless to stop. I end up just observing myself do these things and fixating/overthinking internally continuously as it happens.
I’ve been really struggling with this lately because it makes me feel like since I’m aware of all my symptoms that I am doing them on purpose. I know I’m supposed to accept that my ADHD is out of my control, but it’s so hard when I feel like I should be able to stop myself once I am aware of things.
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ADHD
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I’m not sure what it was about today that had me feeling completely heavy the moment I woke up. I was thankful I had a therapy appointment so that I was able to discuss this with my therapist. At the end of the session it all boiled down to me spreading myself so thin (to distract myself from my trauma) that I was completely exhausted and not taking care of myself. Carrying the weight of trauma everyday wears on us & when you try to “keep busy”, take care of others, and avoid your feelings it leaves no room to address our needs. I am going to practice saying no when people ask for my time & I don’t have the emotional/mental capacity. Also, I am going to take time to address the negative feelings when they arise, not distract myself with something or someone else. I wanted to share in hopes that this advice might be helpful to someone else. You should make time to take care of yourself.
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ptsd
|
so when i fap im usually doing it either out of boredom, compulsion or just reacting to a groinal response, those are somewhat manageable(trying nofap to stop the compulsive part). anyway what i really hate is when in the middle of it, any and every sexual intrusive thought comes flooding in, as ruminations, or like i had a weird disgusting dream about my grandmother it was an ocd dream, but like the thoughts of the dream started flooding in and i ignored it to finish, cause someone told me its better to ignore it and finish, cause it can give the thoughts more power if you stop and let it keep ruminating.
this fucking sucks cause i feel so out of control, like i have little to no control over my thoughts, and i don't. and i wish i did.
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OCD
|
I read somewhere that ptsd is only one traumatic event the symptoms are based around and cptsd is multiple traumatic events. I’ve been diagnosed with bpd and ik bpd and cptsd have similar symptoms but i definitely fit more into bpd than cptsd so i don’t think i have cptsd.
My symptoms like flashbacks, nightmares, guilt and more can be multiple traumatic events that i’ve been through like abuse as a kid, school things and traumatic things that happened this year with mental health. Can ptsd be like multiple traumatic events without it being complex ptsd?
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ptsd
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I got very depressed during the pandemic, like the can’t get out of bed type. Antidepressants have never really worked for me. I have pretty bad mood swings so those never helped with my extreme emotions. I had to stop taking them bc I had gained such an unhealthy amount of weight.
However, I got prescribed ritalin recently because I started getting really depressed/unmotivated over schoolwork. It hasn’t helped me speed up my pace (slow processing) but it definitely has made me a lot more motivated to do things. I’m still chronically slow and don’t really get things done. But I have always felt a lot more hopeful and happy on stimulants… until they wear off. Not sure if that’s normal!
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ADHD
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Over the past few years, I’ve gone from getting a phrase or word like “pencil. Pencil. Pencil” stuck in my head for days or hours…. To always feeling like a news station, radio station or sound from a crowded room is playing in my head on top of that.
I never “hear” any of this outside of my mind. I know it’s not real. But it’s been getting louder and harder to ignore, and it’s completely unnerving and anxiety inducing.
Im really starting to worry I’m going crazy. Has anyone else experienced this? Please help
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OCD
|
I want to download a game but I am afraid of sinning.
I want to smoke but i am afraid because I tried to make a promise to christian God in order to force myself that bad habit.
I lost my faith and I pray almost every 5 or 1 minutes to non specific Gods for my intrusive thoughts.
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OCD
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i'm medicated btw. i was in basic training but got discharged for medical reasons. so i've lived "alone" insomuch as not having a support system and having to maintain my living space. i was PG of the holdover bay for 4 months and constantly busy. it was kind of amazing. i have never been so busy and so exhausted yet so fulfilled in my life.
but college is different. do you guys like. ever forget to eat. or get gas. or did it work out fine? without the strict rules and rigidity of the military i feel like i might struggle on my own. what were your experiences like? was it hard to adapt or was it nice?
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ADHD
|
Feeling lonely
I feel like im losing touch with everyone. I recently got back with my girlfriend which my friends consider controversial since we broke up for very concerning reasons. I feel that because of that my friends have lost respect for me. I wish i could talk to my girlfriend about this but i dont want to make her feel that i sacrificed my friendships for her or that she’s becoming a problem. One of my best friends girlfriend just unfriended me on snapchat and i know i shouldn’t take it personally but i still do. All i can do is wonder if i did something wrong
The reason i feel lonely is because i feel like there’s no one i can talk to about this.
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OCD
|
I am wondering how triggers are made in magical thinking. Like for example someone with contamination ocd will need to wash his hands 20 times after touching something, so there is always a link. So even if I don't have that I somewhat can understand where it comes from.
But for me it can be like walking in my appartement and thinking I will have a horrible life in the future and get HIV (se redo till I have a good thought), log in into game and thinking I will have a horrible life and get HIV (so keep login in till I have a good thought about the future), wearing that t shirt and thinking I will have a horrible life and have HIV so change t shirt till I have a good thought with it. Sometimes there are even multiple phases for example. Login to social media (need to have good thought), open chat (need to have good thought), write something (need to have good thought), receive a message (need to have good thought). Everytime I dont have a good thought about my future I need to restart everything from scratch. Like on television there was a show and a girl couldn't eat an M&M cause she tought her family would die. Like how on earth does it attach to an M&M or the most random thing you can think of.
Like the social media example, sometimes I do something I have never done before on the platform and then I need to have a good thought with it. What happens next is I have to have a good thought again with everything I already have done on the platform, like closing, opening, reading a chat message, sending a message to a girl ,... If I don't I will have to do something new on the platform again, have a good thought and everything repeats. This is like mission impossible and even if you try to do compulsions you still can't find the relief cause every compulsion needs to be right and it feels impossible to do like 12 different and random compulsions in a row where you need to have a good thought (so sometimes I stop continuing being on social media if I have 3 compulsions right but I know it will be hell to try and complete every step further the next day). This takes up hours, days of time in my head and I just can't pinpoint how.
I know OCD isn't logical but the fact our life can literally be destroyed by an M&M and you know this is the most absurd thing and you still can't stop the compulsion is so exhausting.
So I can get why someone develops OCD around contamination or relationships, driving, ... But for me I am like so clueless
This probably seems like a silly question with no answer. Still every input or someone that can relate with this is very welcome. Thank you.
Edit: Like I can think about those thoughts without a problem actually but attach them to something like log in to something and hell breaks loose.
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OCD
|
I had to go to Europe to get diagnosed, I only got prescribed meds for 28 days.
I wish I didn't take those meds because now I know what I'm missing out on, I know how easier things could be for me.
I can't stop crying. My psychiatrist said I have severe adhd.
I know what could solve my problems, and how it feels like to have your adhd managed, yet I don't have access to it.
My life is a mess and it could be easily fixed/managed with meds.
My brain won't shut the fuck up, overstimulation is physically painful, I literally cannot sit down to get work done,I literally can't do anything im just stuck.
I feel so helpess and desperate.
My parents aren't willing to help because "adhd isn't a big deal"
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ADHD
|
Always had compulsions and when I hit puberty I was devastated to find I now had to do a new one. Always wanted to get rid of it but of course that doesn't work and would be unhealthy.
But it really feels like the same thing to me. Most people probably view their sex drive as a compulsion, but most people don't associate compulsions with desperation because the only compulsion they have is eat, drink and sex.
To be clear, I don't have any anormal masturbation related compulsions. I have a normal sex drive and view that as the same thing as other compulsions I have.
As a result, masturbation and orgasm are about as pleasurable to me as washing my hands.
**I wonder if this is a common occurrence in people with OCD.**
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OCD
|
I don't know why I'm writing this. I'm just not doing well right now. On top of the abuse I got from a step parent when I was a teenager, I was also in an abusive relationship for almost two years. It's been several years since we broke up, but I only really started to process and deal with the abuse this year and I was officially diagnosed with cptsd a couple of months back.
New years eve and new years day are trauma anniversaries for me. The first new years my ex and I were together he sexually assaulted me at gun point. It wasn't the first time he'd assaulted me, but it was the first time that involved a gun. He continued to use a gun to make me do things a lot more after that. Every year after that I spent the entire week of new years very very drunk. This year is my first sober new years. This is actually the first time I've even been able to say it.. Well... write it actually ... I still can't say it. The R word is still a pretty bad trigger for me and I can't make myself say it and when I see or hear it I start twitching or have flashbacks. It took me months to be able to let my therapist know because I couldn't say it.
I can't stop thinking about that night. I can't stop wishing that he would have just pulled the trigger rather than let me live like this. Everytime it comes back I feel like it's happening all over again and it takes me days to remember that it didn't happen again, that I'm safe now. I still feel hollow, empty, and worthless with a churning in my throat and stomach like I have a scream trapped inside me that won't come out. It makes me feel so sick I want to vomit and curl up in a ball to make the pain stop. I still feel like it was all my fault even though those close to me remind me often that it wasn't. I'm still angry at myself for everything that happened though.
I keep trying to correct my train of thought but it keeps going back to the same thought. I just keep thinking that he should have pulled the trigger. I'm trying my best to stay sober and cut free. I'm trying so hard to stay grounded and use all the tools I have been given by my therapist. Its not stopping the thoughts though, it's invading everything I do. It's been 77 days since I last self harmed and I spent the better half of the year learning to control my drinking. I don't want to jeopardize that because of 6 words that won't go away but I'm scared that I'll have put in all that work and still manage to screw it all up.
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ptsd
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Hello, I hope this is appropriate as I'm an NT myself but my husband I suspect is either an aspie or maybe is emotionally abusing me. We have a small daughter and we've been together 13 years so I'm baffled by a few things and want your opinions or help.
We dated for 6 years before marrying and rarely argued except when it came to him refusing to finish the one course left to maintain his college degree in accounting. The degree he had wanted to wait to get in order to get married. But we were happy, really happy. I felt super loved and appreciated. He drew me pictures in class and was just generally so into me and it was mutual. I loved all his little things even his CAS (cynical asshole syndrome as he called it). I was equally obsessed.
Things began to change when we got back from our honeymoon and moved in together, we were fighting a lot all of a sudden and our erm intimacy both emotionally and physically dropped to basically nothing and has been that way at least half of these last 7 years. I had 2 miscarriages and he seemed to not care at all even making harsh statements. He seems to never be wrong in his eyes in any argument, he will even change meaning of words to prove he said nothing wrong. A few times I actually pulled up the dictionary to prove a words meaning and he said each time he disagreed with the dictionary. He gets super moody and seems to emotionally starve me unless I act perfect all the time. Aka no complaints, no emotions.
After the miscarriages and 6 years we figured we wouldn't be having children but we have a freshly 1 year old. This last year I assumed would be our happiest but it has been our worse. Hes in a bad mood a lot, everything is my fault. Always. He even did something to betray my trust and I told him it wrecked me and he said that I chose to feel wrecked and didnt have to. Hes ruined every first holiday for her and blamed it on me. Looking back over years prior he always did at least ruin Christmas and blame it on me every year. I threatened to leave and he shut off and told me to do whatever I want. He says he wants us to stay together when I proceeded to ask him but that I neeed to fix myself and stop being upset with him for "no reason".
So eventually after researching the same results kept popping up, abuse or aspergers. I brought it up to him and he was receptive and researched it to death and fully believes he has it. He even did a full DSM list out of symptoms. But after feeling abandoned, gaslight and treated like trash and blamed for everything it's hard for me to think its aspergers. How did no one ever notice? His family or friends? Well hes not a big friends kinda guy. How did I not figure it out for nearly a decade. Until he was 30? It doesnt make snh sense to me. Idk what to do and dont want to flush 13 years down the drain but I feel like a battered woman and if it is aspergers that could be Cassandra's syndrome so now im even more confused.
Im just not sure and ready to give up. Any help or advice or questions you want to ask to help me get to the bottom of aspie or abuse? Sorry so long. If you made it this far, thanks and I hope it made sense bc it's 4am and I've cried all night and I'm too tired to go spell check or look for errors. Also if this was a bad place to post this let me know.
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aspergers
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After spending 30+ hours a week unpaid at work out performing my peers by cheating off the clock...my boss promoted me to basically second in command. Yay. Still miserable.
Still haven't felt a Non family human in a non political manner in over 9 years. Still a drug addict that uses alcohol and "legal" substances to feel anything. Still absolutely adamant that I'd rather be drafted for war than seek out a love interest because I expect rejection 100%.
Still rarely eating, sleeping, drinking water, or exercising. Still surrounded by awesome normal humans that genuinely enjoy my company, but I'll never even accept that as a possibility so I keep them all as far away from my heart as possible. Still genuinely surprised when someone wants to actually talk to me and not pretend to care to ask a favor or talk about themselves...but at the same time being more comfortable when I am seen as an object; only exist when I'm needed; and instantly ignored the instant I say or do anything that isn't about them.
Welp... instead of seeking help I think I'm gonna over perform somewhere else to compensate for my over all internal emptiness.
Why not? There's no family waiting for me when I get off work. Just silence. There are no love interest in my phone. Just a 99 shot bottle to make me forget that while I do the next few days of work in advance.
They ate dinner with family a few days ago reminiscing about good times. I ate cereal in the dark, on the floor, while remembering how pathetic I am.
There's no excuse for me. More importantly, there is no support. Money and status are all I have. The longer I go without genuine human connection the more I wanna give the reset button another go. But since I'm not allowed to give up, even though I wasn't asked to exist, might as well see how much money it's gonna take to replace everything and everyone else.
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depression
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Forgive me if I'm using the wrong name thing in the title, I'm not 100% sure if it's just ADHD or ADHD-I for those primarily with inattentive, and if I look I'll forget this post again lol.
But is there a source of lessons or courses catered specifically for ADHD Inattentive people? Something that instead of "long explanation of thing with information here somewhere" it's like the cliffnotes of "important info and quick detail of why"? Do you know any YouTube, Udemy, etc. that do this?
Alternatively,
What have you found that help keep your attention, or at least better than plain text/talk? Example for any Cyber folks, Mike Meyers and his CompTIA stuff is okay, since he uses examples and is lively. Still long winded, but helped WAAAAY more than Professor Messer.
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ADHD
|
So I’ve been on adderall xr for a while. Lately it’s been pooping out between 12-2. I don’t think my doc will be increasing my dose anytime soon. Before I’ve been taking meds between 7 and 8 am on empty stomach to avoid any absorption issues. I didn’t really notice a huge difference other than waking up faster. By afternoon, meds are wearing off and I become useless. This sucks because I really need to be productive during this time. Since it’s starting to become gloomy, and cold I bought a happy light from amazon to help with mood. I was using it in afternoon when I felt the meds wearing off.
Recently, I decided to use light in the morning as soon as I wake up. It gives me a boost and I’m able to get ready for work, take my vitamins and eat a little bit. Around 9/10 am my brain starts to feel like a brick. I know it’s done all it can do on its own. So I make sure I e given myself enough time after eating and then take my meds. I feel the meds are more effective this way and I can make it to around 5/6 pm. I also use the light intermittently when work training gets boring. I think the light was s great investment s d I’d highly recommend it if your meds work but poop out too soon.
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ADHD
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Hello hello!
Quick query for people with ADHD or ADHD-like symptoms, not really a prime-time Reddit person so forgive me if I misstep over some rules/conventions by accident. I'm not diagnosed (started the process of finding one multiple times but then got swept back into life) but I've suspected I have ADHD for a couple years due to symptoms in college, most notably disordered eating, fidgeting and attention (or lack thereof) in class.
The question is the title - basically how to go about breaking/handling hyperfixation on romantic interests. I feel like whenever I like someone OR start to like someone I go into this slight dive into finding out everything I can about them, like social media etc. and then psyche myself out to actually meet them or interact with in person. I'm sure this is a normal thing when you have a crush, but it feels extra intensive and also really anxiety-inducing beyond cute nervousness, to the point where I'm not sure if I'm more excited or stressed to go on dates. I know it's one of those things in online dating to try not to build someone up too much in your head, but its so subconscious that I literally dream about them (in a side character way, but they're there nonetheless). I swear I'm not obsessive - my guess is that they're just a novel factor in my life that I can get to learn and investigate, so I find myself rechecking their profiles out of boredom and interest. Also for this reason, I find it super difficult to talk to multiple people at once, even though I know that many of the people I talk to are probably doing so. I know its part of the dating game, but I just don't think it works for me?
Any tips, tricks or experiences about how to curb this excitement into something more healthy or balanced? Nervous that I come off as too eager, direct or invested early-on, and am psyching myself out in the dating world.
Thanks for reading this far, hope everyone is having a great week and apologize if this came off as a little vent=y, just feeling a bit n e r v o u s .
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ADHD
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How do I tell the difference between a normal thought and an intrusive thought?
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OCD
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I've been in counseling for almost 2 1/2 years now. I've switched counselors multiple times. Even with a "nice" counselor that I feel comfortable with, I just don't get anywhere. I've tried multiple medications as well and they seem to make me feel better for a bit and then I get much worse. I've learned some coping skills and they help at times but it feels like that takes away the smaller problems and leaves me with the bigger ones. Of course - I'm very grateful for being able to take care of those smaller issues but I'm still very lost by what to do with the majority of my trauma.
I don't know what to do. I cried and started shaking today because the sister of someone who sexually assaulted me today was in my house. It's been many years since I saw either of them but it felt like it was happening all over again. I'm having nightmares of my past traumas a lot. I'm still very sensitive and I can't have disagreements or criticism without taking it personally. Ugh. Just feeling really stuck and I'm not sure what to do. When I talk to my psychiatrist or counselor about this we start a new treatment plan but ultimately end up at the same spot.
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ptsd
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I'm really exhausted with PTSD being weaponised by people. I've had some harassment from corrupt cops I took complaint against and I get taunted by them, told I don't have it. That I cannot have it, only cops and armed forces get it. Refused doctors during near routine harassment arrests. They try and elevate the trauma to its height. It is like having PTSD whilst living forever in the trauma. The fear is constant.
Elsewhere when I try and explain the chronic stress this has; people make zero effort to understand, say things like "can't you just get over it"?
You can provide links. Try to explain it. Nothing.
People get harsh, and then they're gone.
If you do meet someone friendly and understanding - when PTSD related stuff begins to get worse - you cut them off because you don't wanna freak them out with the worst of it. Or accidentally burn that bridge when things get really bad with exacerbating factors. Cutting them out seems to safest route to not burning that bridge. For their good.
Then there's the subtype of people/friends who just try to keep triggering and apply pressure on triggers until you react then whip you with it.
It is absolutely exhausting.
It's very hard to see the point or way out / to a lessened place.
Or if it ever gets better. With constant additional trauma it feels like being eroded into nothing.
The resistance and nastiness to PTSD begins to feel like herd eugenics trying to force you to end.
Councillors I've met have been truly awful. Often getting aggressive that mindfulness solves everything. Psychiatrists often with absolute zero trauma understanding because they've never experienced an ounce of trauma.
It's like being in a forever war.
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ptsd
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I've had some discussions with other friends who are aspies and/or of Jewish descent who feel uncomfortable with the term because it's origin. They think that I should just be okay with using the broad term "autistic" which I do use in a more general sense but I liked having a secondary term that described me more specific brand of autism. Do y'all know anything that would fit?
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aspergers
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I'm wondering what the severity of obsessive-compulsive symptoms has to be in order to have OCD, rather than just have some obsessive-compulsive behaviors. When I was younger I had an extreme fear of contamination, and for years could not touch or wear or sit on things because of believing certain things were dirty (no logic behind it) and had washed and sanitized my hands to the point of bleeding. These behaviors eventually calmed down and are mostly gone, but now I've noticed certain behaviors in myself like needing to do things such as wear the certain pair of socks my brain tells me will lead to a good day or bad day on that day, or have to pick out the certain plate/glass/silverware to eat with or otherwise its bad luck if I don't choose the right one. Just a lot to do with choosing or touching the right thing or doing something the right way when there are options, but there's really no logic to it. I also have a lot of intrusive thoughts, and if it's relevant I have diagnosed Tourettes, which I know is often co-morbid with compulsions. I'm just wondering does anyone relate to these things or have any insight? Is it serious enough to mention it to someone/are they even obsessive-compulsive behaviors or completely something else? Thank you in advance to anyone who reads and replies to this post.
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OCD
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In undiagnosed but for a long time it seems incredibly obvious I have ADHD (minus the hyperactivity).
I have lived at my parents house most of my life which is on a quiet road in a small village surrounded by countryside.
I recently moved out to a city. I’m living on the outskirts of the city but it’s still quite loud with lots of cars (just off a main road).
I’ve just came bsck to my family’s house for Christmas and i never realised the lack of background noise. It’s really peaceful internally and feel like I’m on a spa retreat or something.
I’ve only just realised how the constant traffic outside my house in the city affects my mood and the frantic and chaotic surroundings in the city made me feel frantic and chaotic internally.
Do you think there’s a link between how busy your surroundings are to your ADHD?
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ADHD
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Hello everyone. I noticed a re-occurring theme with me. I have any OCD theme going on -I want to be judged by others. Of course I would prefer not to- but sometimes, even judgement feels better than uncertainty.
I especially have that with real-event or false memory OCD.
Am I alone with this?
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OCD
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So, basically I have an research paper on ADHD in school and how we suffer in silence and how we should get more help than what is offered. But literally anything I search up on ADHD is articles about "strategies to help with...." or "do I have ADHD" I literally cannot find any helpful websites. Also when I find a decent website all the information is written by someone without ADHD, and I can tell because all the information is kind of off, or just the external signs of ADHD and not how it actually is. I am not going to lie the most useful information i have ever found on ADHD is on reddit post or personal blogs, but I can't use those because they arent *reliable sources*
Also I would like to say I've been putting off this paper for almost a month and it is due in 3 days or its going to stay as a F. I've been putting this paper off for that long because I knew I would have a hard time finding resources to use for the paper
I am genuinely really annoyed how little information there is oh ADHD
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ADHD
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whenever i think about having children my mind tells me “you’re not gonna have kids” and it scares me so much help
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OCD
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A month or two ago I confronted my abuser. It was online emotional abuse that occurred when I was 14 and went on for more or less 2 years. Essentially she gaslighted me the entire time, saying she couldn't remember doing that, she'd never do anything like that 'but I said she did so she'd apologize anyway', despite me giving her evidence of the fact my counsellor got in touch with her years ago to *tell her* what she'd done to me. She still didn't remember apparently. Then she got pissy that I accused her of gaslighting, and *then* she made up a whole new rule for her website where nobody is allowed to say anything negative about her or her moderators and any negative comments would be deleted immediately. This was because I tried twice to speak publicly on her website about how much she affected me and how it took me 6 years to accept it was abuse; all of my public comments were deleted within minutes.
I was feeling pretty good for a while after this, and now I've started feeling depressed. Especially when I see other people talking publicly about their abuse and knowing that was taken away from me because she'd silence me whenever I tried to talk about it in the same space it occurred. I think this *is* healing and recovery, it's just not very nice.
​
Anyway I've got hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows. Comfort drink.
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ptsd
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So I believe I have ADHD inattentive type. 4 years ago, when I was in nursing school, I did a project about Adderall and ended up learning a lot about ADHD. I had the "Ahaaa!" moment that so many other people have had. Now that I'm continuing my education and struggling with my online courses I feel it's time to get a proper diagnosis and start treatment. I wrote out list after list of what I would consider to be evidence for the diagnostic process. I want a proper diagnosis. I asked my family doctor for a psychiatry referral as I believe that ADHD should be diagnosed by a mental health practitioner. I also have little confidence in my GP to diagnose ADHD and prescribe stimulants properly. The psychiatrist had me fill out several pre-screening questionnaires before the appointment. They were not focused on ADHD but on every mental illness out there. While filling out the questionnaires I felt as though they weren't relative to what I've been noticing. When I had my appointment with the psychiatrist, he only asked me about three questions about myself and my struggles. After a ten minute appointment he said "well, it seems like you fit the criteria for ADHD" and prescribed me Ritalin. He then proceeded to question why I sought out a psychiatrist instead of going through my GP for a diagnosis. I felt like I was just a waste of his time. It seemed that as soon as I told him that I'm a university student doing online courses he thought I was just looking to get hooked up with some "Addy's". I'm disappointed that I didn't have an opportunity to be thoroughly assessed. Coming from a small rural town in northern Canada, there isn't much access to mental health practitioners. Do I keep trying to find one who will properly assess me or do I take the meds as prescribed and continue on? I feel like a fraud taking stimulants if I haven't gotten an official diagnosis...
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ADHD
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Hello Guys,
I am writing here to seek some help finding a place to get diagnosed. After months of research I am a firm believer that I have ADHD.
This would help explain why when I start a new job I always kill it and then I get in at about 1.5 to 2 years and I just get bored and so disinterested and can get myself motivated to function.
It also would help explain many of the other habits of changing hobbies, little to no impulse control. Can motivate myself to do anything for my personal well being but if it’s work related or for my family no problem.
I been working on finding a psychiatrist and the us insurance system is complete garbage and I feel so fucking lost and frustrated. I just want to feel normal.
I live in GA any suggestions of psychiatric that deal with adult ADHD would be helpful.
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ADHD
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I was able to masturbate to the idea of a threesome, two men, one woman, me being a man. The thing is I don't want a threesome of cuckoldry or anything like that so does that mean I have a threesome kink. I've been having OCD thoughts about cuckoldry and I masturbated to the idea of a threesome with another man and now I'm scared. I want to be sexually monogamous. And please don't say something like "it's ok, embrace it".
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OCD
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I recently got diagnosed with inattentive ADHD with a company who specialises in a range of cognitive developmental issues but they do not offer medication, only therapy. I decided to go to this place because my sister was also getting tested there. But I wanted to try medication because I’m already paying to therapy, I can’t afford ADHD specific therapy on top of that.
So after my diagnosis I went to my GP to get a referral to a psychiatrist, so that I can get medicated. I’ve had two appointments with him so far and I’ve been crying the whole time talking to him. For context, I’m a 23f and he is an old man. He talks down to me like I’m an idiot and he doesn’t listen to what I have to say. He isn’t assessing me for ADHD, rather telling me I might have been misdiagnosed due to my anxiety and depression.
I only have depression before my menstrual cycle and I’ve had social anxiety for a long time but it doesn’t inhibit my day to day life. My issues are related to executive dysfunction. I’ve explained to him my ADHD symptoms to which he has replied “well we all get forgetful and have issues concentrating at times”, “if you really want to do something, we are able to just do it”.
In our first session, he expressed antidepressants might be a good solution for my depressive episode before my period (most likely related to PMS or PMDD), which I said I’m not interested in going on antidepressants due to the fact I’m only experiencing depression symptoms very infrequently and it’s always before my period, I can handle it with therapy and my support network. I also expressed I didn’t want to deal with the side effects of antidepressants. At the end of our first session, he told me to research antidepressants that can also help with ADHD symptoms. I agreed but after I did research, I still wasn’t happy to go on antidepressants due to the side effects.
In the second session, he suggested antidepressants again and I told him I did the research and I still don’t want to go on antidepressants due to the reasons I explained before, and that I didn’t want the side effects. To which he replied “everything has side effects, everything is a chemical. A carrot is a chemical”. I was too shocked to even reply to this absurd reasoning. Like I’m not going to lose my sex drive from a carrot.
I also explained to him my issues with planning and organisation, explaining that a grocery shop is a big task for me. Not only does it involve me having to plan what I’m going to eat, half the time I don’t know what I want to eat. I get overwhelmed at the shops, I forgot stuff when I’m there, I forget to write a shopping list or to properly plan out what I’m going to make for the week. He replies “have you ever tried writing a shopping list”. I’m 23 you fuck, yes of course I have. But really I broke down crying and replied “I forget to fucking write a shopping list, I know how to write one, I get so overwhelmed with all of the steps involved, I don’t end up writing one because it slips my mind”. He then starts mansplaining how to write a shopping list “I just go around the house, I start to write down things I see that are missing, so that when I go to the shops, I get everything that I need”. Are you kidding me??? He also starts mansplaining me the concept of food prep. Like cooking a curry and freezing several containers of it. He actually thinks I’m that dumb?
I expressed to him also that I have issues with eating the same thing over and over until I get sick of it and then I don’t eat because everything tastes gross to me and can’t handle the texture of some foods. He says that I have mentioned some things that are autistic traits, including that I get overwhelmed at the shops. But then he immediately follows it with “but you don’t seem autistic”.
It feels like he is intentionally trying to label me as anything other than ADHD. He has said people often get misdiagnosed with ADHD, but women get under diagnosed because they get told it’s just anxiety and depression, which it feels like that’s exactly what he is doing.
I wanted to get medicated before I start a new job next year, because I want to perform well but I have been struggling in particular areas of life that have effected my previous job.
I’m meant to have a session with him tomorrow. Which I really don’t want to see him again but I have no hope of getting a new psych until well into next year, everyone is booked out. I’m planning of telling him to listen to what I have to say, what I’m struggling with, my wishes for treatment, that I don’t want antidepressants. And if he has no interest in helping me with what I’m coming to him for, I don’t want to see him.
Any advice on how to go about this? Or credible resources I can bring to my appointment to help my case?
TLDR
My psychiatrist is pushing antidepressants on me to treat my ADHD symptoms and has been invalidating my ADHD diagnosis due to my anxiety and PMS.
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ADHD
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I’m going to write down my whole OCD experience here to vent because it has been a painful journey. It all started when I was a young child and all of a sudden felt severe guilt to the point where I couldn’t eat or sleep this was resolved by the reassurance of my mum when I finally told her. Many years later (last year) I felt that exact same type of guilt. From POCD and I can say with 100% certainty around that time was the worst I have ever felt in my life. I had a huge breakdown and yet again couldn’t sleep or eat and would have panic attacks constantly throughout the day. I avoided eating so I could sleep and have no energy because the only time I felt better was when I was asleep. I never asked for reassurance instead I found it here on reddit and that’s why I am venting. It has been 209 days since I downloaded reddit and made my account and it has helped me so much. But 209 days is too long. I have dealt with POCD ROCD Real Life OCD HOCD Incest OCD Germ OCD and OCD about basically anything in my life and it needs to change. I am fed up of feeling this way. I still have not had help because I have learnt to handle it all very well but I am constantly living on edge thinking ‘What if I get bad again’ I don’t have the time for it.
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OCD
|
Bit of a rant this morning.
So it's my little sisters 11th birthday today and I finished my exam yesterday and was due to go up at 9am this morning. But obviously, I couldn't fall asleep and as a result overslept and missed the train.
It's not like struggling to get out of bed is a rare occurrence for me either. I can't help but think that I'm actually completely useless. I have diagnosed ADHD but I despise using it as an excuse for missing important things. I then also have family members telling me that I'm useless, an input which isn't needed as my brain does it for me everyday.
I honestly can't help but feel shit about myself when these things happen regularly, how do I get out of this self destructive thought pattern that I've had for as long as I can remember?
I am honestly so tired of hating myself for the way I am. It's like other people are unable to realise that I am trying. I tried to get an extra early train because I know birthdays are important, the intent is always there it's just I always fall short.
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ADHD
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Anyone take Luvox while pregnant? It's the only thing that has helped my OCD...
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OCD
|
My girlfriend just doesn’t understand.
My doctors said my memory loss is due to my “drug abuse” (I don’t use any drugs and haven’t for a long long time) which caused me more stress and I have memories of the meltdown and the night I went missing, since then I’ve had “short term memory loss” the doctors saying it’s because of drug use caused me more stress because I’ve been to rehab before (another hard time in life) I don’t use illegal drugs, I’m just suffering. If my girlfriend doesn’t understand then how am I supposed to get over this trauma.
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ptsd
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So far I've worked at Walmart (overnight stocker) and at a car wash. I'm looking to leave the car wash as hours are unpredictable and pay isn't great. That being said I often struggle to understand what someone is trying to say. I'm conflicted because my brother and his girlfriend are suggesting I apply to "anywhere hiring". If at all possible I'd like to avoid places where there would be heavy social interaction. What jobs do you think I should look into? It feels like the only places willing to hire me are the places with a high turnover rate looking for teens.
Thank you for reading my post :)
​
Signing out,
Twinclouds626
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aspergers
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I am learning that it isn't my responsibility to fix, rescue or hold other ppl accountable, but by doing these things I'm finding I shut myself off even more from everyone around me.
Why is healing so confusing? 😢
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depression
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ive always had too much of a perspective on my meaninglessness and how mediocre i am and how insignificant i am in the trajectory of our universe. it makes it very very difficult to get out of bed in the morning, and to stay alive in general.
i really want to make music. music is a huge source of comfort and expression for me. but im absolutely shit at it. i try so hard at it but there's only so much i can do before i get demotivated and feel useless or frustrated. im so jealous of musicians that it makes me angry
i shouldn't be angry but im at such a loss in my life that i really just need this one thing. i really just need something in my life i care about. otherwise im gonna be just another 50 year old man in a normal house in an unimportant city watching tv and working a job just to get enough money for rent and food. i can't think of anything more trapping than that.
and im sure there's other ways to get your thrill in life but i can't travel unless i have money which i don't, im nowhere near good enough at video games to speed run, and i can't even get a pet to feel somewhat important in something's life, because im at university.
i am so depressed lol. i just want to make music. because i think it will make me happy. but maybe im just not meant to be happy.
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ADHD
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For example, I have a certain "way" I need to go up stairs. It's hard to explain, but if the stairs are made of several stones, I always need to coordinate my feet with the cracks.
Another one, is that every time I visit a completetly new place (f.ex. other town) -I NEED to get a music box from there. I'm a collector and otherwise it feels like I haven't really visited the place.
And another one of my rules is that I never ever spend money on Online MMORPGs, apps or otherwise. Might not sound very special, but since I was little I was hellbent to never buy myself through anything competitive. Never threw away my pocket money for rare Pokémon cards. Never got the fastest bike. I just generally liked playing games where I could easily spend money for an adventage, but rather grind my ass off to get where I am. It just fills me with a bunch of joy when I get ultra good stuff, like cool cards or items and others ask me "This is so rare! How much did you spend on this"?? It's a commitment that makes me feel very happy.
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aspergers
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I’ve googled this so many times and every. Single. Website. Is telling me “take deep breaths and meditate” as if we haven’t tried it, and as if that would just magically heal our brains. So what’s one piece of advice concretely about PTSD/C-PTSD that you’d like to share?
I’ll go first. I was talking to my friend about how difficult it is for me to reach out to people and establish close connections because of emotional abuse in my past, and specifically about how I wanted to reconnect with a childhood friend, but was held back by my flashbacks and fear of being abused/manipulated/abandoned again. My friend said something that totally shook me and that I still think about a lot to this day. Let’s say my abuser is called Bob and my childhood friend (that I wanted to reconnect with) Jack. My friend said: “Bob has already taken so much from you, don’t let him take Jack from you too”
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ptsd
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25 year old here... Had to notice it myself.
Idk how to take it. Guess I'm posting to see what you guys respond mostly. Any tips appreciated.
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aspergers
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hey guys if you’re comfortable can you guys let me know how OCD effected your sex drive? mine is fluctuating constantly and it’s screwing with me.
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OCD
|
So I’m a 21m and I’m trying my best to cut off my porn habit for good so I decided to download a porn blocker on my phone and it was going well for a few days until today i gave into watching porn so I type in porn into my phone and when I do articles of people who where convicted of having c p popped up I got scared so I close the tab and type porn again and the same articles popped up the porn blocker blocker all content Ik that’s what it’s supposed to do duh but I didn’t think articles like that would pop up but she here’s where the problem comes in I deleted the porn blocker and still went to pornhub and master****** now I feel like that’s proof I’m a P I’m terrified why would I still watch porn after those articles popped up and to make things worse I live with my sister and her daughter and my room is next to hers and that even makes things worse that makes me feel like I’m actually a monster I’m scared and don’t know what to do
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OCD
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Im 24. Been trying to get human connection for about 6 years. Every meetup group is old people. Meeting girls my age is utterly impossible and making male friends is even harder.
I'm just tired of trying. I've been in bed roughly 2 months (going out for alcohol or food). Doing what life apparently wants me to do. Tired of resisting and trying to enjoy my youth. I give up. Life is supposed to be spent either working, getting drunk, or being sad and lonely. Then you die. I tried so hard to meet people but no one wants anything to do with anyone after high school.
I really wish I tried harder in highschool.. it's game over for me. When I think about my future, the only thing I'm genuinely excited for is the day I finally die and don't need to participate in this endless search for social/physical/emotional connection
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depression
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I’m wondering if this is common with us or if this is unique to my situation. I grew up in a religious home where sex is dirty and because in the back of my mind I know sex is an important factor in relationships. It’s actually my primary motivator because I don’t want kids and I get companionship through my friends so sex is the primary draw. As a result I don’t ever feel comfortable discussing my relationship issues with my parents. Can anyone relate?
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aspergers
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There's a particular movie I'm interested in thats quite popular, it has a particular actor I like but it also involves some topics that I'm very uncomfortable with. I think it will set off some triggers that will lead me to ruminate and compare the situations to my own, so I've been avoiding watching it. I've recently stopped using tiktok as it started showing me lots of clips of this movie and even just seeing the clips causes me anxiety. I can't get the movie off my mind and even worse it's my best friend's favourite so it occasionally comes into conversation as she tries to convince me to watch it. I'm not sure whether to just take the plunge and watch it or if that's a bad idea. I'm not in therapy anymore and don't feel I have the tools to stop myself spiralling if it does trigger me. I'm not sure if this avoidance is also a compulsion and I should try to watch it for exposure?
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OCD
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I constantly have thoughts that I said something that I was thinking. My brain tries so hard to remember the entire conversation to make sure I didn’t actually say the things I am worried I said?
This happens especially a lot in Zoom meetings. It’s made me shut down so i just try not to talk with my coworkers. I also make myself believe that I said something even though I didn’t. Does that even make sense? Does anyone else experience this?
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OCD
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Diagnosed with ADHD quite recently and honestly it explains a lot.
I'm struggling to settle down on a degree/career path as I never seem to be able to maintain interest in pretty much anything. I can't properly apply myself to something if I'm not passionate about, but my passions never last long- I quickly lose interest or gain interest in something different entirely. Honestly I'm starting to get tired of this cycle. I'm quite an ambitious person and I know if I could manage to settle down on something, I could excel.
This inconsistency is prevalent in other parts of my life as well- dieting, training, hobbies, etc... The only real thing I can truly say I've consistently maintained interest in is my sports teams.
I'm curious how others would/have gone about this. I've started medication, still early days on a low dosage but so far I can't notice much difference.
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ADHD
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Alright when I was not medicated, I had an issue with masturbation. It gave me that dopamine and since I was chronically low it was like 3-4 times a day type of thing. Porn became costly and I honestly had an issue. Well now on Vyvanse I’m not as like I want to just masturbate in order to function but luckily I have gone a week without the need to rub one out everyday. So I’m curious did anyone have this appetite curbed back?
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ADHD
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