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Currently suffering with thoughts that my wife will get ill soon and die, this is all emerged after my grandma passed 2 weeks ago pretty surprisingly(main trigger I believe).. wife had an episode of IBS and she is doing fine now after taking a week of meds, but while she was in the middle of that I gave in to my anxiety and started googling symptoms and now I'm stuck with these damned thoughts that she might have cancer, stroke, heart attack soon and die.. I nitpick every sensation she is having and whenever she burps or touches her belly.. what makes it even worse is when she had her blood wok results out showing a slight D vitamin insufficiancy and high CRP (wife has a recurrent genital yeast infection ) , my head refuses that this is the cause and rather is stuck with the thought that this is cancer 😔
I had my fair share of Pure O (OCD) and GAD in the past and had similar episodes with My parents as well..
I can't get this out of my mind and my thoughts are relentlessly trying to convince me that this some kind of intuition or sixt sense.
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OCD
|
Some background info, when I was 20 I was hospitalized and almost died twice due to a chronic illness. I already was dealing with depression and the engraved thoughts that I was unlovable and will never be happy. The majority of my friends lived in the city I was being treated at, their university was literally across the street, and none of them visited while I was hospitalized. After this and spending moths alone, I developed some social anxieties, but after working hard Iwas able to go to school the following year. I was doing well, then my meds were changed and somehow sent me into a depression and I failed out of school. I sort of rekindled those old friendships while at school, but it wasn't the same. 6 months later 2 of my closest friends from childhood, different group of friends , died and I was given no support from those other "friends". Because of this I haven't made any new friends for nearly 10 years now.
I play video games with cousins and friends from the same group that included the two deceased and they met this person who I started to game with too. We hit it off right away and were quick friends. Closest friendship I've ever had when it came to talk about personal issues. She started to say how much I meant to her as a friend, she's gay so our feelings have always platonic, and that she loved me as a friend. This caused me to lower my guard and feel the same towards her.
The game we played started to annoy me so I took a break from playing it. We still messaged every other day or so. She started playing with other people which is obviously no issue, but I tell her that I'll still play once in a while, just invite me. After a couple months I start playing again and play with some of her new friends. This one guy I have no chemistry with in terms of gameplay or personally has become her main game partner. I witness a weird exchange between the new guy and this pregnant mutual friend. He kept asking her why she deleted him on Facebook and whatsapp and she clearly didn't want to talk about it infront of me, but he kept pressuring her, it also seemed like he was having fun doing it. I tell her that I dont want to play with the guy but if you do that's obviously fine, just invite me once in a while.
A couple weeks pass and my friend and invites me to play some games. After we finish playing we have this very intimate talk about her love life, like close friends do. The next day she sends a quick message saying that some of the issues she was having were resolved and that she's happy. Then I hear nothing from her for 4 weeks. For the first two I send her invites but she's always playing with the other guy. When I see things online that I think she would like I would send her to her, I don't initiate conversations generally, I usually send memes or funny videos. No conversations, no invites so after 2 weeks I stop inviting her, she would never join so it seemed pointless and another 2 weeks go by with no contact. I messaged her was there a reason she doesn't talk to me or play games with me and she says I'm still her fav and made this excuse about moving but she was online everyday.
Its been a week since and its back to silence. Now I feel like shit and all my past trauma and the feelings of being unlovable are flooding my emotions. This was the reason I shut myself out from people for all these years. I feel so stupid for being so affected by an online friendship. I wouldn't feel this way if she didn't say that I was so important to her
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depression
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I personally have been doing this for a long time now, I don’t know why but I just really prefer to do it over actually swearing out loud for some reason. I guess because it can sound more funny that way and because it’s so I don’t actually say the word.
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aspergers
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// mention of irregular eating
i dont have an official diagnosis, nor would i call any if the research i have done ‘extensive’ by any means, but i believe i have some form of contamination ocd and i may end up scheduling an appointment regarding this issue.
Contamination fears have been making it hard for me to eat recently, and when i do eat, its not really healthy or anything.
Anyways i just ate 3 slices of unbuttered toast and some m and ms for dinner awww yeaaahhh
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OCD
|
First of all i want to say that this post it was originally written in my native language and now it's been translated for english so sorry for any doubts
​
Well, I have depression and in these 2 years of pandemic I have been identifying my negative points and trying to improve them, correct them (such as social anxiety). However, as much as I started to see the bad side of things, I ended up getting attached to it and now I can't see my good points or the world.
​
It was a hidden feeling inside me, I just saw a scene in a movie that touched me a lot and that I identified with too, it talked about the good things you did for others about being free, whoever you want.
​
It would be rude to demand something from you, but I would be grateful if you could help me.
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depression
|
I was diagnosed with ocd in early 2019 and it’s changed my life for the worse. But, let’s go back to around 2015 - 2018. I was such a disgusting human. I didn’t ever wash my hands after using the bathroom, I’d wear the same underwear and jeans for a week because I was too lazy. I would shower like, every three days but not even wash my body thoroughly. I would take my nasty Loofah, apply soap, wash my entire body except for my genitals and butt and then use a nasty, moldy 2 week old towel. I would masturbate and not even bother using hand sanitizer AT LEAST once I finished. And now here I am, with horrific contamination ocd. If I met my old self, I’d probably vomit just by looking at him.
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OCD
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I have PTSD from danger and violence I experienced and being in life-threatening condition.
I could have, should have, was told I would, felt like and believed I was going to die. Repeatedly throughout this time.
And now I am trapped in a constant pendulum between I have to do everything in the world and experience it all, go out and live because life is so fragile and fleeting, and crippling visceral dread and fear that paralyzes me from being able to do anything and extreme avoidance behaviours and health and safety vigilance. There is no in between. I am running in a constant state of “energizer bunny” mode either way.
I feel the sense of gratitude, that this is all a miracle, on an existential level, that we are here and to be grateful and find a way to enjoy it and soak it up.
But the fear and panic and trauma is in the way of doing that.
It’s a deep internal conflict.
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ptsd
|
I know I'm biased, but I'm really funny. At least most people I interact with say so. I can't help but find a way to make a pun or joke out of anything, particularly with wordplay. I make it a point not to overwhelm or burden one person, so I have a list of friends who all receive a healthy supply of jokes on rotation. They don't mind at all.
I don't always have to share the joke. It's not about pleasing others, feeling validated, feeling popular, etc. I just cannot help but "see" the joke materialize. It's very stimulating to me. Of course, making a friend laugh is a nice bonus
But I mean.. i can make upwards of 10 puns a day. Maybe 20 if i spend a day with friends. Maybe more. I lose count. I make multiple jokes an hour
On the other hand, in my work life, I am miserable. I cannot focus for one minute, I am terrified of even starting work (and often skip days at a time), and I can't think clearly. But when it comes to my interests and hobbies.. I flourish
One of those hobbies garners an online audience (a couple thousand followers). It can be an outlet for my creativity and humor since I dont feel like im overwhelming friends. I can get lost working on it for hours and hours. Or a whole day
Does anyone else relate? Particularly to this type of compulsive mental exercise of trying to weave humor out of anything
It's a blessing and a curse. I'm tired of thinking
Edit: to be clear, I'm not full of myself. People have been telling me im funny for years but i feel like an impostor. I seem to manage not to overwhelm friends, but i myself am overwhelmed sometimes if i dont find an outlet
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ADHD
|
I keep trying to figure it out so that I am watching all the things I want to evenly without anything languishing according to a workable schedule based on work and other stuff. And I have historically done pretty well at watching a movie every day from a different streaming site (though now that's hard because I have more of them than days in the week and so I am adopting a fixed rotation rather than schedule), but really organizing my shows is hard because there are so very many of them specifically. Maybe I could just do what I already do with the movies and say, from one site a day, but then do I say one show within that site, you see where this goes. :)
Does anyone else do this? Is there a way it works, or more likely, a way of making the plan be no plan? It just upsets me so much to not be able to take in everything, and it upsets me to have something be there that I am not active with because I am trying to catch up with something else in a never ending sisiphean battle. It's dumb, obviously!
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aspergers
|
Does anyone know of any psychological studies, authors or research that talks about how emotional abuse can cause trauma? Or any research or conversations about how trauma causes can be subjective?
A lot of information out there but I am looking for information from highly regarded sources within the field of psychology
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ptsd
|
I’m in university and I see a lot of social media posts by classmates of them hugging each other and smiling and laughing and it just makes me sad. I haven’t hugged anyone other than my mum ever, and even she usually seems annoyed whenever I ask for a hug.
I do have some friends here but I feel like I’m disgusting for wishing I could hug them, like I’m treating them like an object or toy by thinking of that. I feel like I don’t deserve affection because I’m not as hard-working, fun or good at life as these people, and I wish I could feel like I deserve to be hugged.
I’m just really struggling to focus on anything and not feel like shit when I think about how affection starved I feel.
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depression
|
everything would be so easy if i had one really, sometimes i just wish i had a childhood friend which i feel in love with and we'd be happy together...someone that knows me and, on top of it, cares about me...someone that has been with me through everything, highs and lows, and still wants to be with me
sometimes i wish someone knew me, or wanted to know me
but in the end, im boring anyways
im just...me
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depression
|
am without purpose. Or drive. Or need. Maybe this is depression but I'm unsure. Hope you don't mind a ramble because the weed's going to cause it although it's mostly the need to sleep. The need to eat. The need to sleep, eat, bathroom. It's all on repeat in my apartment on my own. Sometimes I am with family helping them or just hanging out with them. But there's really no point to it because the time spent is lost later that day. I know it happened but I don't know if it happened to me or not. Feels like another person.
Do you know how annoying it is when one day takes a week to pass? Sitting in my own head, in a chair, white room and just a empty husk. It feels like imprisonment of my own mind which lasts years only to snap back to reality and a few minutes have passed. So mind as well eat something. I know, I'll make the same dish I make everyday because it's enough and it's food. What does it matter. But wait, there's a new video on YouTube, or the cat did something, or I exist and I'm no longer on food. A endless cycle which lasts literal days in my head and then at some point, it's bedtime out of nowhere.
So in these states of not moving and existing, I think about after death. Because somewhere in there I read manga and a lot of the genre's I like are mainly focused on Isekai, a form of reincarnation. It's the next challenge in life so I'm always curious what's to come but I wouldn't kill myself. Too much of a bother plus people would be sad.
So here I am without purpose and no way to find it. I've tried things in life but haven't really been able to explore. Being on disability for mental stuff, as I'm sure you can tell, it's always been hard to afford the things to try the hobbies. But I tried art and it was interesting but not really fun. Nothing's fun if I'm being honest. It's just a action to do a thing. But back to what I was saying, finding purpose is hard because money rules the world and I don't have enough of it. I see no point into getting a lone for university when everything's online and I'm already 30 with learning troubles.
So how does someone without the income required and without the mental ability required to do so, find their purpose in life? Because money is required and I don't have the mental power to perform the task or even comprehend it. Because I can't express this enough, I'm a shell of a person who has a personality but nothing further.
I can't put into words how I see the world.
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depression
|
Dogs. Man's best friend. Harmless, wonderful companions ... but not to me.
I'm not exactly sure how my dog phobia began. It's probably a combination of the loud sound of barking and the fear of being out of control. I've also had some terrible experiences with packs of stray dogs, which only made my phobia worse.
When I come in contact with a dog, my body freezes up. Once they utter that first bark and rear up on their hind legs, I'm off. I become an Olympic sprinter. I know that I'm not supposed to run, but I'm irrational that way.
To make things worse, as I'm running, I try to reassure the dog's owner with "I'm so sorry, I just have an irrational fear of dogs" in as calm a voice I can manage, but it is streaked with panic. The dog owners have no sympathy for me, a damned 20-year-old having a full-blown panic attack over their precious companion. A lot of the time, the owners get irritated at me. Never do they try to restrain their dogs. Look, I don't blame them. They love their dogs. *Most* people love dogs. Meanwhile, my dog phobia is so bad that I avoid parks, beaches, residential streets, and people's houses.
I decided to look for advice on this forum because even though dog phobias aren't unique or common to Aspergers, other phobias are. And we have a different way to manage these sorts of fears. Saying "just get over it" has never helped anyone. Also, the sound of barking is one of the primary triggers, and I'm sure we can all relate to the sometimes irrational and extreme reaction we can get to some sounds.
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aspergers
|
I cut myself on a rusty piece of bedframe while helping a friend move last Wednesday. The cut turned into a stupid staph infection and I missed work on Thursday and Friday as a result, on top of the general anxiety I usually feel every single week because of my PTSD.
Today, the company announced that, in an effort to limit the spread of illness, this entire workweek will be work-from-home.
I didn't get the email. I'm a contingent employee so I technically work for the company but don't get the same messages that full time, careered employees get.
I called in this morning, rushing to the office, assuring everyone that I would be there before the daily team report. I got to the office. No one was there. I opened my laptop and saw a majority of my coworkers questioning why I came into the office when the CTO sent an email encouraging everyone to work from home.
I'm not on that email list. I never got the email. I look like a f\*\*\*ing idiot because I desperately drove into to work on a conference call only to have people ask why I was stupid enough to enter the office.
I look like a dumbass who doesn't check his work e-mail and considering that the lost job I held, my managing supervisor called me into his office and said "Go home. Get your things from your desk, don't bother to format your desktop computer, we'll do that for me", with no warning whatsoever, I know that it's going to happen to me again.
My fiancee left me with no forewarning. I was fired from my previous job with no forewarning. I'm losing my job this week. I know it.
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ptsd
|
Ugh, I reminded myself over and over in my brain but of course it still slipped my mind. The pot looks all burned now. I'm eventually going to have to deal with it. But I have to force myself to do it. Hate that my brain is like this. Now instead of a meal, I'm just eating ice cream because screw it. Feeling like such a failure. Does anyone know how to fix the pot? The pasta like burned to the sides and bottom.
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ADHD
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This is my second day using it and the results are Incredible but I'm learning perhaps tryptophan is safer? I have awful anxiety and even valium isn't working anymore but the 5-htp has helped so much the past few days.
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ptsd
|
I’m going crazy trying to keep all my readings organized. I’ve been using GoodNotes throughout undergrad, but I’m starting grad school soon and I need something better. I need an app that can handle large PDF files and allows for highlighting and note taking.
My biggest issue with GoodNotes is that I can’t tag PDFs. It makes it really difficult to find documents that cover multiple topics. I need something with a tag system, so if I tag a document both “A” and “B”, it will show up in both places. A folder system is okay as long as there are also tags. I have like 0 object permanence, so I will often forgot about readings that aren’t right in front of me. This is my #1 problem, so an app that does this, but is missing some other things, would still be great!
I feel like Mendeley or Zotero would be good, but it’s annoying that I can’t access them on my iPad. I just got a free trial of LiquidText, but it seems like it wont let me add tags to the PDFs themselves, only excerpts from the text.
The app doesn’t have to have note taking as long as I can annotate and highlight the readings. I would prefer an app that is also on PC (or at least cloud saves on Google Drive/Dropbox) so I’m able to pull up my marked up readings on my PC as well. I’m a political science student, so an app that caters to the social sciences, as opposed to STEM, might be more useful. I’m okay paying for it.
Thank you for your help, and if there’s a better subreddit for this kind of thing please let me know! Sorry if this is the wrong place!
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ADHD
|
Why can't people just say what they fucking want and what they mean? Why do they have to react to things that *I didn't even say.*
My mom always used to quote, "I mean what I say, and I say what I mean."
That's it. Why is that so hard for NTs to understand?
I've been with my husband for 8 years and it still happens, especially when other people are present. We're in a debate and he joins the opposition, feels like he needs to explain their side because I don't "get it." I get it, I just think it's stupid/wrong/illogical and I'm trying to explain why. Then I feel like I'm debating two people, and then I give up and they both get offended because they misinterpret me *trying to cede the argument.*
I'm so fucking tired of this. My husband pointed out that this never happens with another debate partner.. well duh, they're also autistic. If my husband joins in, they'll take his argument the exact same way I do, rather than using it as ammunition.
Fuuuck. Does it ever get easier?
Thanks for existing, guys.
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aspergers
|
**What is your Study:** Obsessive Compulsive Early Intervention Study (OCEAN): Looks at whether our two online self-help programs (based on evidence-based face-to-face therapies) help to improve obsessions and compulsions, anxiety, depression and quality of life. No diagnosis needed.
Many evidence-based therapies are now being applied in online formats, and we’re out to compare how well two programs affect quality of life, anxiety, depression, and obsessions/compulsions.
Find more information at [http://www.brainpark.com/projects/participate-ocdselfhelp](http://www.brainpark.com/projects/participate-ocdselfhelp?fbclid=IwAR0pYZhS63zfUS77PfwmM58kjpOK3OnrG08-n_qgqSGKbUN-bVo8gx2CrAs)
**Lead Researcher Name:** Emma Thompson
**Lead Researcher Credentials:** Clinical psychology PhD candidate
**Institution Name:** Monash University, Melbourne, Australia.
**Advisor (For thesis level):** Prof. Leondardo Fontenelle
**Will this work be published?:** Yes
**Compensation:** Chance to win one of six 30AUD (or your country's equivalent) gift cards
**Method of study (In person, online):** All online.
**Time required:** Participation involves
* Completing 4x online modules (30-50 minutes each) over 6 weeks.
* Practicing learned skills between modules
* Completing questionnaires online
**Link for participation:** You cake the 10-15minute survey to see if the program is the right fit for you: [https://monash.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_8GmaSt7vRjv3TQV](https://monash.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8GmaSt7vRjv3TQV?fbclid=IwAR3R4ecCPcVsdaXQZR8G5FtXaE_Igc1zmu0UCtw4gaIAKo2w4AboxGZDxRI)
**Email to contact for questions:** ocean.study@monash.edu
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OCD
|
Hey guys, I’m 19F and I was formally diagnosed this year with OCD. Ive had signs for as long as I can remember unfortunately. But this year it spiraled :( I obsessively confess things to my boyfriend. Anything that my brain remembers it picks it apart until I say something. Because I feel like I’m lying if I don’t tell him. It’s very very painful. I started going to therapy and my confessions have become slim to none. I’ve only confessed once in the past few weeks. I still have a major reassurance seeking problem and rumination which will ultimately be the hardest to beat. I convinced myself that I cheated on him because of conversations that I can’t remember that I’ve had with other guys. My mind completely fabricates it and it makes a huge mountain out of a little hill :(. I also have sexual obsessions. I literally cried and worried all day over them. You guys, I don’t want to go on medication but if it could just make the thoughts quieter, it would be worth it to me. The constant anxiety I have in my chest is probably going to kill me one day. It’s constant. What are your thoughts on medication for OCD? Thank you❤️
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OCD
|
I have a question… does feeling guilty most of the time often occur with someone who has depression? I have immense guilt for lots of things. I feel guilty because I know I could be doing so much more but I don’t. I feel guilty for my past sins. I feel guilty for being so damn freaking lazy. I feel guilty for delaying my assignments. I feel guilty for delaying chores and watching my laundry pile up for weeks on end. I feel guilty for self neglect. I feel guilty for not being the daughter my parents always wanted. I feel guilty for not building a stronger relationship with God. I feel guilty for leaving my job in hopes to self improve when in reality I’m always going to be like this, no job or amount of classes is at fault for how I feel most days. It’s just me. I make excuses. Im an awful person.
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depression
|
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPtjx2ysxa8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPtjx2ysxa8)
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OCD
|
Hi there,
OCD is a piece of crap.
It can make us all doubt whether or not we are bad human beings, it can make us anxious and it can attack our morals and beliefs.
OCD can hang onto everything and show itself in a lot of ways. It is mostly attached and constructed for you, but the symptoms can be experienced by others. It's triggers can be everything and everyone. And it can even lead or be part of another mental disorder.
That's why I want to give you some examples of what it can make, to terrifiy you:
• constantly checking something
• constantly thinking/ruminate about someting
• giving you anxiety/panic
• giving you an anxiety/panic attack
• making you doubt everything, even OCD itself
-> that's what's called Meta-OCD
• making yourself lonely & depressed
• giving you a feeling of false attraction/groinal
responses that can even lead to an orgasm
-> this is just another way of anxiety to express itself
-> if you like it, then it's not OCD!
• feelings of gulit & fear
• giving you a bad sleep
• making you restless
• giving you nausea
• giving you irritation
• making you sweat
• making you tremble
• making IT feel real
• giving you a feeling of derealisation
• and many, many more...
OCD can ruin lives and even take them.
That's horrible.
But it doesn't need to be that way.
We all suffer from it, it's a constant fight.
So let's fight this beast together.
We can all make it.
You are a wonderful human being.
Even if no one believes in you, I do believe in you.
Never give up. Keep fighting. ❤
(If you need help, you should search for an experienced therapist, who knows what OCD is. If you live in the US, the NOCD and the IOCDF are places where you can get help. If you are from somewhere else, I'm sure there is help for you. On YouTube there are people like Nathan Peterson and Chrissie Hodgens who post about videos about OCD, if it's any help for you.)
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OCD
|
Gotta be 100% honest not even sure i have ADHD as i self diagnosed and like in a house that doesn't believe in therapy or most aspects of mental health.
But I've a fixation on aquaponic systems occasionally for year and a half with a fixation on betta fish. My parents agreed to let me get a tank. And I've done all my research. All i need now is to buy the equipment. I've already planned that as well with a list of what and where. But I've put off most research into actually getting the betta fish since my mom agreed. I think I can do this as I have plants I take care of and I will keep it in a place I already keep plants and I consistently take care of weekly.
But even my interest in my plants comes and goes and only require weekly attention instead of daily and its not like I don't kill my plants occasionally. R.I.P money tree turns out peeling off part of the bark can be deadly. And plants if they died i'm disappointed but usually their death is a science experiment and I learn from it. Milk is not a good fertilizer no matter what the internet tells you. But fishes? They are living and beutiful and can feel Suffering I can't at least morally just chop it up to a science experiment. Get a new one at petco and try again.
Tldr: will my (debatable) ADHD kill a fish by losing interest/just forgetting about it/not being able to maintain a daily chore.
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ADHD
|
I’ve been on Prozac for just over two weeks and am still pretty fatigued throughout the day. Any know how long it will take for this to lessen and go away?
|
OCD
|
I’ve lived the vast majority of my life in a deep state of dissociation. I haven’t known what it’s like with the exception of my early childhood to be able to look at something and have it appear three dimensional. As a kid I’d leave class to go into the nurses station and stare at the ceiling as hours passed by. I couldn’t function properly, but I thought it was normal.
My entire world has been flat, boring, and dull. I got put on both mood stabilizers and lexapro and I am in AWE of the world & how it appears to me now. I spent two hours driving around in my car marveling at the intricacies of anything I could find. The waters waves look like they’re dancing, I can see individual leaves in the trees outside, even TV now has a surprising amount of depth.
One tiny pill has made such a gargantuan impact on me & I wanted to share it somewhere.
This is life changing.
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ptsd
|
Hey r/aspergers. So last night I was skating at a popular park in my city when I spotted a cute girl (A) and her friend(B) just chilling so I decided to shoot my shot. Now usually I use cheesey pickup lines because the way I deliver them is clearly a joke and I usually get a laugh that breaks the ice. So when I went up to the girls I said...
"Do you have a band aid? Because I scraped my knee falling for you." (I shit you not this works if you say it the right way)
And while B laughed , A started going through her bag looking for a band aid and apologizing that she didn't have one. B tried to help out but A started getting flustered so I I terminated my quest and skated away.
Maybe 20min later B comes up to me and tells me how she explained to A what my intention was and that A wanted to give me her number but was too shy to do it herself.
So A and me start texting and she seems really nice and adventurous and tells me she has aspergers. Now that isint a issue for me but I find myself constantly rewriting text because I have a very sarcastic personality and I like to joke around a lot but I'm worried she would take what I say literally or the wrong way. We are meeting up tomorrow for a date but I want some advice to make her feel as comfortable as possible and for me to get a better understanding what to do. So any tips on what to avoid or do? Am I over thinking it? Thanks in advance for the guidance
TLDR: I'm talking to a girl with aspergers and I want a better understanding on the do's and don't to make sure we have a good time.
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aspergers
|
i’ve had ocd since i was a kid but as i’ve gotten older its gradually gotten worse but one thing that’s really annoying to me is smells
idk if i sound stupid here but if i breathe in any smell or someone’s breath i immediately have to cough it back out repeatedly until i feel comfortable and if a thought stops me from this it’s just a continuous cycle but now my throat is becoming so soar and so is my chest and it’s annoying me because i’m basically having a coughing fit, sometimes i even have to wash my mouth out completely because of it
also people think i’m really rude because of it and due to the pandemic recently i’ve been getting a lot of looks, i’m just not sure how to stop i’ve tried everything and i feel like my meds aren’t even working anymore
also i cant even be close to my friends and this is one of the reasons if anyone is near me i immediately have to hold my breath or i will literally just run away and idk i just dont want to come across as rude or strange
i’ve always been ashamed of my ocd and i feel really uncomfortable talking about it with other people so i just thought maybe i could put something here
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OCD
|
I’m having less and less constant thoughts, I still have them a lot but not as bad as it used to be. I am not thinking and blaming myself for the things I did as a child as much, I’m just recognizing them as mistakes and trying to move on and I’m finally not struggling as much as before.
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OCD
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Basically when I was younger I got into watching hentai as a kid. A lot of this was loli and shota hentai, I didn't think much of it. I would also fantasize a lot and still do now, I would fantasize about sex with the one girl I had feelings for in my primary school, and even when I got older I would fantasize despite the age difference. Not because I was interested in her age but because she was the only person I ever felt mutual love from.
I never used to pay attention to the subject matter of most hentai, despite it having dark themes and some messed up stuff. I didn't even really think it was a problem. I used to fantasize a lot about having sex with classmates who I liked in my high school. I got exposed to sex at a young age so I think it caused me to be more manic over it than most.
The problems came as I got older though. Despite being around 16-17, I would fantasize about people who were younger, but not a lot younger. My mind rationalized it the same way I view the drawings, it's not real and I would never act on it but since it isn't real it doesn't matter. At the time I didn't see it as a problem, at least at the time. Usually it was fantasises of having sex in high school with a high schooler. I never managed to end up with relationships with anyone, and the fact I never had sex probably spurned these feelings.
When I got to Uni, I would fantasize over fictional characters who were clearly younger than me and that I had sex with them (megaman and link from zelda). I even fantasized over my sister who was younger than me (probably around 13 or so). Looking back I'm filled with tons of guilt, I would never imagine scenarios like that again but it happened and even though in was in my head it was still there. And I can't forget because my mind never forgets anything. Even though I masturbated over those thoughts, they weren't predominate thoughts, it was something fleeting like a spur of the moment but even so looking bad I realize how fucked up it makes me sound.
I always used to have dreams of people founding out the type of hentai I watched, like my parents and feeling really scared if they found out. They still don't know and I still get worried about it.
I remember I locked myself in my uni room and masturbated solely over shota and loli and feeling really guilty afterwards, ending up paranoid thoughts that the police might raid my room. I felt the same at home and had to convince myself it was fine after each panic attack.
However it came to a head when I smoked weed for the first time. I had a massive panic attack, all these images of young boys and girls in sexual ways flashed in my head. I felt sick and scared, and even though I got over it I knew something was wrong.
When I eventually finished Uni and got home I would still masturbate over those high school fantasies but also fictional characters being in love as teenagers. I guess I idolized teenage love because people got to experience that perfect romance, the kind you see in movies or in stories or fanfiction. Some of it was like that, some of it was just purely for my own gratification. The worst part though is it was like my mind couldn't focus the image of the age of the person. Like the age would morph or the proportions wouldn't be old enough, like I was fighting my mind to envision that person being old enough as to not think I was a pedophile.
Then one day whilst I was doing it I questioned it. Is this right? Sure it was all in my own head, I never had any intention of acting on it. But was this okay? Did this make me a bad person? Was I a pedophile or a hebephile? I then started to have intrusive thoughts of having sex with my younger brother which made me even more scared. Sometimes I would go out and get crippling anxiety when seeing a younger child thinking that I would have sexual thoughts. It got so bad I went home because I started imaging my parents finding out about the hentai I jerked off to and disowning me.
I went to therapy. I didn't say it at first. It took me three therapists or so till I caved but even then I only ever said about the hentai and not the other thoughts having masturbated to younger and older teenagers and the stuff in the past. I thought if I did it would be undeniable proof that I was an am a pedophile or hebephile.
I'm bisexual and have a preference for twinks but because some twinks look young my mind can't visualize what looks old enough and what is clearly too young when fantasizing. I stopped the high school fantasizes around the time the anxiety came about and the questioning but even then it felt like it was too late.
I've still masturbated over loli and shota even now and regretted it. I'm 24 and a male which makes me feel even worse. One particularly triggering even was a nightmare about being in a facility that was experimenting on children and then the guards were raping them. I didn't have an imagery in the dream associated with it but somehow I knew that was what the dream was about. I woke up from that dream feeling, like I wanted to die then and there but I never told anyone.
I felt suicidal multiple times. Other times I can convince myself I'm not a pedophile or hebephile but then other times I remember the other stuff like the teenage fantasies and my brain thinks 'See! See! You are one, you just don't want to accept it!" I mean, I am fucked up. I must be. I've rebooked my therapy session but I can't imagine telling my therapist any of this. Even now I'm shaking typing this and feeling sick. I had a breakdown at work and ended up having a week off work.
Honestly I've posted here before but never gave the full story because I know that from the outside looking in that what I've said sounds like undeniable proof that I am a pedophile or at least a hebephile. That's what scares me. I've had the fear of losing control ever since I was young and this has also become part of it.
I've never actually watched CP either and never would. I would never condone anything where someone is being hurt in real life indirectly or otherwise. I would never try and groom children or teenagers.
Part of me wants to chalk this up to never being loved, at least in terms of a relationship. I'm virgin and have never been in a relationship. I used to masturbate to fanfiction of fictional teenage characters having sex because it made me imagine what it would be like to be in love and be able to express that love but then I realize that could just be an excuse for me being a disgusting individual.
I guess that's everything. I'm not sure what to do to be honest. Even though I've stopped watching/reading hentai I still have to live with the difficulty of being able to control my imagination to have fantasies of people that are 100% legal age in my head. Which I can't.
Someone just tell me if I am one or not. I'm tired, everyday feels like a dream. I'm not happy anymore and my life hasn't been happy in the last several years.
I just want to die.
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OCD
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Touches the ground every time I need to use it and I have to bring it around with me everywhere.
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OCD
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Hey guys, i have ocd since 7 years old and never been at psychologist or stuff like that. My ocd dissapeared when i was like 12 13 and ive had relief for 3 fkin incredible years. I didnt know what ocd is but it dissappeared for fkin 3 years. Not thoughts bout killing someone, no feelings bout my sexuality, developing schizophrenia just nothin. Now im sturggling how have i done this and still thinking about recovery. Is it still possible? I relapsed to it again but im fully prepared to fight with it again.
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OCD
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(Trigger warning: sexual assault) About 10 years ago I was sexually assaulted at 13 years old by a 21 year old. It was very traumatic and most of my school new about it since his sister was only a grade higher than me. When cops caught him (I never went to the police but other girls did) the oval news made reports about it and it was even on TV. However my name was omitted thankfully due to being underage. But yet people knew. Everything regarding what happened traumatized me. I had to be present at court so the judge could read my testimony and so I could testify against him. At only 13 years old... I went to therapy until I was 15 or 16 and was put on anxiety meds for about five years until I got tired of taking them.
I’m 23(f)now. But I’m having like a random panic episode tonight. It sucks. It’s like going through it all over again and it makes me feel so small. It makes me feel depressed. But because it happened so long ago it feels like maybe i shouldnt still get panicky over it. I just wasn’t expecting this to come out of nowhere
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ptsd
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I was in a conversation with a bunch of people playing a vide game and everyone would make jokes that his base was tiny and he needed to expand it so we as a group could fit into it easier. And so me being me, i don't really know what to say to start a conversation that isn't already going so i copied what everyone else said to him accept i switched it to "It's still small huh? are you planning to expand it soon?" And he seemed to get grumpy with me and mention that it's big enough. And i got really confused because when the others mentioned it he was okay with everything. I'm trying to understand what i have done wrong that caused him to get upset or why it happened. I didn't think they'd be upset because the others mentioned it before me and everything was fine. Should i not copy sentences on "occasion" is that a bad thing to do?
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aspergers
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I hope this is ok to post here, it’s a bit of a vent. If not, I’ll remove this post.
When I got diagnosed, I was in the 6th grade and was already suffering from several very bad mental health problems by then for a few years. My diagnosis only added to my load ,since my dad had this crazy idea that if I’m Aspergers I’m a genius and need to do lots of math and be a scientist or some shit, while also ignoring all the emotional problems that come with being on the spectrum. This raised my parents’ expectations of me, and increased their neglectful nature. I think my diagnosis just contributed to my emotional abuse and neglect, since I’m “high functioning” so I clearly don’t need emotional support (I obviously do, just like every other child, on the spectrum or not).
Stupidly enough I followed everyone’s shitty advice on how to socialize and how I should be since I literally forgot I was on the spectrum cause it was just diagnosed but never treated, plus my narc mother would change her mind every week whether I was on the spectrum or not (whatever fitted the situation lol)
Honestly, why even care to diagnose me if your only intentions are to make me suffer more?
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aspergers
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I struggle a lot with stuff like switching between tasks and just executive dysfunction in general. i'm currently on strattera and my doctor told me he can't put me on any stimulant medication yet due to my anxiety but i need to change meds because it's not helping me at all and i figured that a lot of popular study techniques like the pomodoro method don't work for me. i was wondering if anyone had any suggestions for ADHD friendly study methods that i can try out.
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ADHD
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So, I'm home, by myself. My sister left on a trip and won't be back for a few days, and I felt like I could relax and do anything I wanted........
Tell me why my first thought was......p*dophilic. I'm not sure if it's a fear but I had the thought of "What if I suddenly searched up cp?".........You know what? Fuck it. I can't believe I'm typing this. I can't believe I even had that thought. I think I'll just kill myself. I can't take this anymore. I no longer feel comfortable in my own skin. I wish I had a reset bottom for my brain......I wonder how many people with POCD actually have the same issue I just had. You all with just call me a pedophile just for suddenly having that "what if" thought. Fuck it. Fuck it all.
Forget it. I think I am fucked in the head, I can't enjoy life anymore. Fuck this existence. Goodbye.
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OCD
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so backstory: I (30f) have ptsd from being in a mentally and physically abusive relationship for 12 years.. I ended it about 5 years ago and the ptsd didn’t really kick in until about 2 years ago. I work with veterans and realized I had some of the same symptoms, so I went to see a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with it last year. I haven’t dated in over two years. I’m triggered over stupid things and I have anxiety almost all the time. I feel like it’s not fair to anyone interested in dating me to be overwhelmed or to have to deal with any of my issues really. So I’m just wondering if any of you experienced this and how you went about it.
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ptsd
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Hi! I’ve been trying to get a better understanding of my Asperger’s, and one thing that seems to get mentioned a lot is what’s called a special interest. What is that? Does everyone with Asperger’s have one? How do I know what mine is? What is yours?
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aspergers
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Hii, So there's a common problem of finding a good therapist locally, you need to do hit and trial with different therapists before you find a perfect one.
Do you think watching some video of different therapists with real patients could solve this problem?
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depression
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Hullo. I'm 17 with Asperger's and I'm new to Reddit. I guess I should just start. All my real friends are on Discord, and even with them I don't talk every day. They stress me out so much as well. One of them I'm constantly worried will commit suicide, the next is schizophrenic, and the third probably drank herself to death at this point as I've not heard from her in months. I'm grateful to have them but damn do they make me feel isolated
School life is about what you expect. Sit by myself every where and anywhere. Overhear kids calling me a sperg in the locker room. I'll be lucky if I talk to someone properly in a day. Teachers aren't a help of course. All the people I used to be able to call my friends hang out with their gfs now.
Home life isn't much better. I get home and sit in my room doing fuck all until dinner. Then I eat with my parents. Then back to fuckall until 10pm when I pretend I'm asleep and instead either read or stare at the ceiling.
Had one friend on Discord who is nice. After a while she told me she likes me. I like her too, but we both live so far away it doesn't matter. Now she's dating her best friend and says she loves us both but I hate the situation entirely.
tl/dr yet another lonely guy on here venting to strangers
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aspergers
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To preface, I'm not typically an 'anxious' person about this sort of thing -- at least, I don't think I am. I never really experience debilitating anxiety surrounding most apptments, phone calls, etc. At least, nothing too far above the norm.
I've been with my new PCP for about three months -- he's the one who started me on Vyvanse (I'm in a different area b/c of college, was never previously medicated before this). During every appointment, I'm anxious as HELL. My heart rate soars. One time it was about 110 bpm, which was obviously pretty concerning, but he re-took it about 5 mins later and it was 90 bpm... my average is typically around 80-90 but during apptments it's higher, and I can't tell if it's b/c of the medication or because I'm nervous as HELL during apptments.
Maybe I'm just not used to having a male doctor (I'm a woman). I'm also worried that he somehow thinks I'm abusing my medication (which more or less could just be my head talking me in circles... I'm unnecessarily worried about the stigma).
Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Is it normal to feel this anxious about apptments (keeping in mind he's a new Dr of mine)? Any advice at all would be very much appreciated.
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ADHD
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Therapists always ask if you have a plan and as of yesterday I do. I’m scared my desire to see you again outweighs my desire to have the grandchildren you will never see. I am 29 days to being where you are and all I can think of. Is how I have let you down. I’ll you even want to see the ruins I have become? From a reluctant gifted and talented student to a world traveler and top performer at an award winning company to a soggy mess in a bath tub is what you have to look forward to. That is your legacy. I found the love you never found in dad and I squandered it with my persistent depression and lack of trust. I may even be a lesbian but I’ll never know as my heart will never be as open as when you were alive.
I did have somewhat of a good day minus the fights. I laughed with coworkers and showed them a little of the real mean of course with out the pain (diet self™️).
Please help lest I stand next to you 12/18/2021.
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depression
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I'm a bipolar piece of shit , lonely and never had a girlfriend. I'm a pathetic creep, and i don't see why i have to keep pushing for this meaningless life. Nothing matters if I'm supposed to be alone and never going to share beautiful moments with someone. Suicide is the answer to this tragic life.
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depression
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I’ve just realized that morality/existential(?) ocd has played a larger role in my interest in history than I would like to admit.
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OCD
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It feels good knowing I am capable of doing things right
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OCD
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I'm curious if anyone else's sexual accelorator and break is broken, I say because I used to masturbate to cope with my anxiety which seemed to be helping but now with hocd/soocd it's jumped on the band wagon, I don't get the same level of disgust/turned off that I would like when my brain hops onto whatever I flick past (shirtless guy, penis etc) whilst searching for what I like, sometimes even the opposite, I 'feel' drawn to it or if I actually want it, so then my brain goes on a tangent, I believe it to be OCD as with every other theme it's done this (ROCD etc) with it's also felt so real but wondering if this happens to anyone else?
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OCD
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Would this save me time or scare away socially smart people?
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aspergers
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Hey yall!
I have had INSANELY high anxiety my whole life. I recently went to see a trauma counselor because of recent events, about half a year ago, and she suggested that I get tested for OCD. My brain went "what? I don't flick the lights or clean incessantly", which was my previous notion of what OCD was.
I was (apparently) misdiagnosed for a vomit phobia when I was around 9 years old. I had already had anxiety before hand, but a teenager vomited all over me during a rollercoaster, so that experience really catalyzed my fears. I went to exposure therapy to reduce my *"when I think someones going to vomit I run away screaming with my ears plugged then have a panic attack"* habit. This was only the start.
After not being able to go to school or sit in the cafeteria (or anyplace with food), and my stutter was unbearably bad, my hypochondria set in. Anyone else with anxiety went to the doctor for consistent checks, because you were positive something was wrong with you, even though there wasn't?
Even now, when I eat something out of the ordinary... I think my heart is going to stop. Even when I was a kid, when I went out to eat somewhere and at a liiiiitle too much, I was *convinced* that my heart would stop. Every night, I laid awake making sure that my heart wouldn't stop. Not that I have a heart condition, my heart is perfectly healthy (with the occasional palpitation... probably from anxiety.)
Well, now the vomit thing isn't half as bad but I can't eat certain things after a certain time, and some certain foods trigger my intense fear of getting sick... I sometimes still lay awake at night thinking someone is robbing my house, and if I went to bed they would find me. That anxiety has never really went away.
Anyways, I have always felt crazy my entire life. When my therapist put the word "OCD" on it, it almost felt exactly right. It's almost like all my "crazy" has a meaning to it! While I am not formally diagnosed yet, and I am frankly afraid of going to the OCD counselor and describing every single one of my compulsions, I can't believe I have waited this long (19 years) to get this process going. It's almost as if these thoughts were normal, so normal that I never bothered to bring it up.
Can... anyone else attest to this??????
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OCD
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TW: su1c1de, self-harm
Okay so a few months ago when I first got diagnosed, the main part of my OCD would be having a ton of harm-related intrusive thoughts. These thoughts would cause me a ton of distress like to the point of me having multiple breakdowns full of sobbing and stuff because the thoughts wouldn’t stop and I hated them. Then i got my first job and they started to die down in frequency because I had to focus on other things and my mind was occupied. This job was a really really busy job (chuck e cheese during summer vacation) and it made me really stressed to the point where all I could think about was the job. Anyways so then school came, I had to lower the hours at my job, i got reslly depressed, the thoughts came back gradually, and now there is no moment in time where I don’t think about dying. But, it doesn’t distress me as much because I feel like i deserve to die. I went from beinng really afraid at the thoughts, to actually wanting to do the thoughts related to me doing harm to me (crashing my car, shoving a knife into my throat, sl1tting my wrists, clawing out my eyeballs). I’ve already listened (meaning like done what they told me to do) to some of them without being scared (carving into my arm with a sharp pencil, banging my head on the wall, picking at my thumb until it bleeds). I got in a car accident yesterday and evrything is fine, im fine physically, but i can’t stop thinking “i should have pulled out further so the other car could have t-boned me right in the driver side door, so I could get hurt and hopefully die.” I don’t know who to tell, I feel likke i should tell my therapist, but everyone tells you not to do that because then you’ll go to a mental hospital and those are terrible, and though I know hoow terrible they are, i feel like maybe I deserve to be put in a place like that. i feel like there is no other option. today is a good day, and I am actually kind of afraid of the thoughts again and I am afraid that I might actually commit, on another one of my very bad days (which is likkely to come again soon because my moods are very unstable usually). Everything is so out of control and I need to tell my therapist i know, but also some part of me thinks that its not even that bad and what is the point of telling (he is not a very good therapist, he will likely say something he has already told me like a million times before and forgot, or he will actually send me to the hospital without even trying to help). My mood is out of control, the thoughts won’t stop, and everything just doesn’t make sense to me anymore because it seems like since my mood and thoughts/opinions keep changing and everything keeps contradicting itself, what is the point of telling if my mood and thoughts are just gonna again the next day? Some part of me doesn’t want the thoughts to stop because it seems like the only consistent thing right now, and because I deserve to suffer like this. But then when I say that, there is a prt of me that thinks I don’t even deserve to think that because I’m just being dramatic and everything is actually fine. I hate living in my own head.
I don’t even know if this post makes sense. I don’t know what to do. The only thing I can do that I think might help is tell my therapist and people on reddit about this, because if i dtell anyone that i know/trust, they will just get worried and I don’t want to be a burden or a party poooper or anything at all. Right now I don’t really want to die, but I just know that in a couple days, maybe even hours, I will probably want to die again and might do something risky/ participate in my intrusive thoughts again. I don’t think I actually will yknow, kms, because my cats are here and I wouldn’t want them to be sad, I’m just afraid of the risky behavior that would entail.
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OCD
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Hi guys,
Ash here. New to this forum, thanks for contributing and making it such a great place for information.
Im 40 years old male living in Belfast. Im looking for Adult ADHD Diagnosis. I have got a referral letter from the GP. My Gp has been very helpful so far and have referred me to NHS psychiatrist for diagnosis, and has also given me private referral. As i supect NHS will take forever.
Im looking for recommendation for which Psychiatrist and clinic should i go to? Im also open to travel to mainland UK or Republic of Ireland(if they take patients from North after Brexit).
Also, i heard that most people here reccoment Methylphenidate is bets medication for ADHD. Is that the case?
Thanks
Ash
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ADHD
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I’m broken, suffering and I don’t want this anymore. So why should I still keep going, everything is mentally so tough… I just don’t know what to do with my life except feeling so broken… it feels like there is no other way around this… how can people actually keep this up..? I just want everything to stop pls. The darkness surrounds me.
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depression
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One of my biggest obsessions is disease and contamination, and the way it manifests is through washing a lot. I wash my hands probably upwards to sometimes the 30-50~ times a day ballpark. This number has been higher before, but lower for a long time. I went off medication a few months back and I'm currently having a rapid increase of intrusive thoughts, probably tripling in the last month.
This is all already kind of shit, but as of now the water is being turned off in my apartment for two weeks, and I can't wash my hands or shower as much, only when absolutely necessary. I feel like shit right now, everythings piling up into a perfect storm of dogshit.
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OCD
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I know it’s difficult to explain but, imagine you wrote something down that was going to help you to remember to do something. The first step to remembering what you wrote down was remembering to go look inside or look at what you wrote the thing to remember on. I hope I explained it right but does this happen to anyone else? If so how do you work on not forgetting that you wrote something down?
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ADHD
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Ah yes, ADHD and overthinking go together like butter on toast. Here's one of my better stories about overthinking something.
I met a girl a few months ago, in a class in my semester, and we got along pretty quickly! She was very open and bubbly and we were able to talk a lot and get to know each other (happy to say she's now a friend of mine). She also happened to have ADHD and while I haven't talked much about mine to anyone I know, it was nice to meet someone else who was in the same boat as me haha.
In our earliest friendship days, I had decided to send her a text after seeing her. I wanted to match her kind and outgoing energy and so I was honest with her and I said I thought she was a very nice person and I was looking forward to seeing her again. I thought I might've went a little overboard but I was being honest as we had now talked a few times and I enjoyed her company!
Now, a notification popped up, and all it said was something like "Thank you!". Now I was concerned. It had an exclamation point, yes, but now I worried I'd wrote too much. Who writes that to an acquaintance, anyways? Unless they like someone, perhaps, but I'd written it purely platonically. Anyways, I tried to distract myself but I felt so damn awkward about it.
Until I open up the message, that is!
Turns out she not only thanked me but she also told me she thought I was very nice and fun to be around too and that she was looking forward to seeing me again! I was not expecting such a sweet response, but nonetheless it turns out I was wrong! I was pretty amused with myself that I got so awkward over a text notification that turned out not even to be the whole message 😭 omg
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ADHD
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I didn't know until recently where the term aspergers came from, until I saw that some autistic people had an issue with the term because Asperger was a scientist who colluded with the nazis, choosing specific children with autism, to be sent to their deaths by nazis. It was previously thought that Asperger had not colluded with nazis but the evidence now seems clear that he did and was involved in selecting which children were sent to be killed.
Aspergers is already considered an outdated term even though it's still commonly used and there are centers called aspergers centers. The newest terminology is asd-1, and some are already considering this to be an outdated term.
I personally don't want to identify with the words aspergers or aspie(s) knowing that Asperger was a person who could be considered an enemy of autistic people, and a person who started stereotypes that we are still trying to get rid of.
I still dislike identifying with the term autism, not because it is wrong but because the public's image of autism is wrong, the stereotypes are wrong. Openly and publicly identifying with the term seems like it could be a definite way to not only be incorrectly judged as either a weird genius or disabled, but to negatively affect our careers, social lives, relationships, etc..
All my life I've been looking for how to explain what is different about me, some validated reason that I can give to people to explain that I really am different to them, not all this "but what is normal really? Normal doesn't exist" bs. But now I think it's best to keep it secret except to a few people. I don't even know if it's worth telling my own parents even though I suspect my mother may be on the spectrum.
Well I wasn't sure about the term aspergers and aspie before, but now I won't be using it. Neurodivergent seems a vague enough term to use but the whole neurodivergent/neurotypical thing is already being rejected and being demonised. It seems none of the labels help us, we may need a new one. Asd-1 isn't very catchy.
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aspergers
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Hi, I'm a 19-year-old college sophomore and I'm a fucking mess.
I feel like I can't take classes normally. I always go in with the best intentions and wanting to keep up with schoolwork, but what inevitably happens is that I don't do the schoolwork on a normal schedule and end up falling way behind, and then I do an insane amount of work in a very short time period to catch up. For example, last semester I didn't go to a single physics class, and then I ended up learning the entire course from the textbook in 2 days (over an 11-hour study binge each day). I tend to do really well on tests (usually with that strategy), but then I fall behind on homework and forget to turn in so many assignments that my grade ends up lower than it should be. I have so many insane strategies for school I've come up with as a substitute for taking classes like a normal person; for example, I figured out how to defraud Chegg and get a subscription for free, I google book reviews by critics on readings that analyze the argument and evidence instead of doing the readings themselves, and I've even found one of my professor's podcasts and cross-referenced the topics of every lecture with transcripts of it to figure out what he had to say because I couldn't pay attention during his lectures. I feel like I've managed to get by so far--I made my way through a really competitive high school, was a National Merit Scholar, and got into a top 20 college--but I feel like I'm riding a wave that just isn't sustainable.
It feels like I go weeks at a time doing nothing at all, and then have to work insanely hard to play catch-up, but that isn't even intentional. It feels like the days go so fast and blend together and I'm having such a good time and then suddenly I wake up and my academic life is in shambles around me. It feels like I'm putting together a puzzle, and then I stand back to look at it and it's upside down and half the pieces are missing. This past week, I completely forgot about two whole midterms, both worth around 25% of my grade. I just didn't check my Canvas page and wasn't even aware they were happening. I was able to convince both of my professors to let me turn them in late with no penalties, but I can't keep relying on second chances. I think of myself as pretty intelligent and charismatic, and I feel like those qualities get me by, but I can't keep going through life with no consistency or ability to focus and stay on top of things. I'm so worried I'll never be able to take care of myself or hold a job down in the real world. I'm always late, I'm always a mess, and I can't stay on top of the most basic things. I don't understand how my peers do it.
I guess I'm just looking for advice, or reassurance that it's possible for adults with severe ADHD to work past it and hold down jobs and lives without having to constantly be medicated. I have been prescribed Adderall and take it occasionally, but I hate the side effects and how it feels and I don't want to lead a life where I have to be on it every day. Does anyone have a similar experience and can tell me how they dealt with it?
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ADHD
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Hi everyone,
My name is Daniel. I made a close friend in Japan, he is very likely to have Aspergers (according to my psychologist suggestion and my own research according to his behaviour). We spent a lot of time together and made many memories for several months. Then I had to move to Canada, he suddenly said he would move to the city where I am now soon for a gap year. After one month I moved, he got angry at a small thing and since then (6 months now) he started ignoring my messages and calls, he has not talked to me in the past 6 months. My psychologist suggests that maybe he might have a hard time coping with the fact that I left so he ignores me in order not to suffer, as a coping mechanism. The thing is that he ignores whatever I write him but he doesnt block me.
​
If you have time and feel like reading the whole story, I will leave it here. We were very close friends and I am hurt because of this situation so any insight would be great for me to understand what is going on. I will split the whole thing in 3 parts to make it easier to read.
In November 2019, I went to Japan for backpacking until April 2021.I had a girlfriend there for some months, we ended, it was tough but I overcame it. Then corona started and complicated things, I had to do some boring jobs to be able to support my trip.
I moved to a a new city, I started volunteering in a hostel, it was fresh air: international people, new people…
Then I got very close to this Japanese guy from the hostel, not everyone liked him. One popular girl told me to stay away from him because he is a rude person and he would use me to hang out with someone as he was alone.
As we got close, he started being more quiet with me but he seemed to be more talkative with others. He said his personality was more quiet (he said his girlfriend also complained about this too). He said had to act more social with people that he did not know so well. That could mean he really opened to me.
We hanged out together for approximately 6 months, we travelled to many places and we made many memories together. During these months some people even asked us if we were a couple because we were always together and people could see that we were very close friends. He took care of me when I had corona, cooked many times for me, he would pay for me when we went to restaurants, etc. However, as we got closer he would get angry at small things.
We both got jealous if we saw each other talking to another person, I guess kind of fearing losing each other.
As there were not many jobs for foreigners in Japan due to corona, I suggested to go to work in a farm, he did not like the idea but still he looked for a farm for us and we went there, it was in a very remote island.
After these 6 months hanging out with me, I had to leave Japan to come to Canada to study, as the date for me to leave was getting closer, he would get more difficult and he would get angry at smaller things (according to my psychologist, it could be that he was not dealing well that I was leaving soon). I noticed he would specially struggle with feelings and emotions. We would have a big fight for nothing and then he would end up saying he is my best friend.
\- Here a few examples of his behaviours:
Our last night together, we went out for a few drinks… then he said he knew a bar where the owner could speak my native language, I asked him if we could go, he said he preferred not to go there but he still took me there.
I started talking to the owner, we had a nice conversation but my friend, I think, he got jealous. He did not stop asking me to leave the bar (while I was talking with this other person), he insisted if we could sit down in a different place, he urged me to leave the bar… and then he said, okay, I will go outside and I will talk to my girlfriend on the phone. I told him, I would go out in 5 minutes.
I met him outside and he was talking on the phone his girlfriend. I was kinda drunk so I said his girlfriends name loud so she could hear me through the phone. When he finished he was very upset, he said why I talked so much with the owner of the bar, it is our last night… and he was also angry because I said his girlfriends name loud, he said I made fun of her… I told him not to be jealous in a joking way… so he punched me in the stomach and run away. He totally disappeared, we sent messaged to each other and he noted he was sad but I should not have made fun of his girlfriend. He said he wanted to make me happy in Japan but “I am difficult”. He finally appeared, we went to the hostel, we apologised each other, we even said we are “brothers”. Before going to sleep, I told him, hey, you are my best friend! He blushed, his face got red and he said: You are my best friend too and ran away to take a shower, he said he was shy to say that. This same night I gave him a Nintendo Switch as a goodbye present, he said he did not want to open it until he came to Canada, he said he would keep it in a visible place of his house, something I did not understand very well.
Another time, we were about to split for a few weeks, he was going on holidays with his girlfriend. He was driving and I said in a joking way, hey you are not going to miss me haha nah, right?. He responded: “I am not going to answer to that, that’s couple’s conversations” in a very rude way. I said that was rude and then we started a fight. I got so angry and I said, hey you know what? I am done with you, I do not want to be your friend anymore. Automatically his face became extremely sad, about to cry and he said "I am not sure I want to stop being your friend, I need time to think about it". Around this time, as the time for him to leave was approaching, I was kinda sad about it but he did not seem to care. Although when he booked the plane tickets, his face looked quite sad. While he was travelling with his girlfriend, he did not text me much which made me think he did not care much. Later on, he said: "yeah because we were going separate ways but I told myself, I have to be strong, we will meet in 20 days after the trip with my girlfriend". He looked very cold and like he did not care but later on, I would notice, it looked like he actually cared deep inside.
Another time, we were in a hostel, in a different city. I was also about to leave Japan. I think the day before we went out for drinks, when we woke up, I asked him if he would like to go somewhere as staying in the hostel the whole day would be boring. He said, he did not want to, he was tired. I insisted that staying in the hostel the whole day would be boring. He said, okay lets go somewhere because if I say no you will complain. I said, okay if you are tired, I will go alone. He insisted he would come. When we finally were outside the hostel, he was grumpy. Just to have a small conversation, I asked him, hey where did you meet this friend of yours that we met recently? and he responded “it is not your business”. I said that was rude and then again, another fight. We went to a restaurant and still flighting… I don't remember very well but he ended up saying that I am his best friend, his face was very red and said he was shy to say that, one more time.
There are many more examples like that, just basically, getting angry at small things, making them big, fight but then I could see, he really cared about me.
He did not like to be touched, not even a tap on his shoulder. He would also not get jokes, methapors... once I was trying to explain him a situation putting as an example a dog and its owner and he said "I am not a dog!".
He also looked to want to be with people but also to be completely alone, I think meeting his girlfriend overwhelmed him.
Just as a side note, he does not talk to his family, he cut off contact with them, he only talks very little with one of his sisters. Sometimes people saw him as rude and did not talk to him.
\- When he got angry:
Then, I finally came to Canada and suddenly, he said he would come to Canada to the same city where I am now. He said he would come next year for a gap year. We also planned a trip together to Vietnam and I said I would come to visit to Japan.
When I came to Canada, we used to talk on the phone every Saturday or every 15 days. He was happy to talk to me, I think.
At the same time I came to Canada, he started a new job after graduating university. He had to move to a new city where he does not know anyone, I guess it was not easy for him. I have noticed on his instagram that he did not add new people during this time, so maybe he has not made many new friends, that is my guess.
Last time we talked on the phone, he said he would come to Canada and that he would send me a present. But on the previous calls, he was kind of hesitant to talk but still he was nice on the phone calls. He also said he was hesitant to come to Canada (I think maybe he got jealous because I told him I met some other Japanese people here, I felt he did not like that, I felt a nervous laugh from when I told him). I told him we could talk next week, he said okay but he sounded kinda hesitant again, he said he talks to many people at work and at weekend he wants to be quiet but that it was okay to talk with me.
Then after 15 days, I messaged him and told him I would call him next Saturday, he said he had to work extra that week and that he would work on Saturday too. I told him, I would call him on Sunday then, he said he would probably “sleep all day”. It comes to my mind that I uploaded some pictures on instagram with some friends + I told him recently I met new friends, maybe he did not like that?.
I tried to call him on Sunday without no reply, I tried 3 hours after, and again no reply. I suddenly noticed he was online on Instagram. That made me angry and said hey, what a bad friend, man you are ignoring me, why do I want a friend like this?.
He later replied to this and said he had a exhausting week, that I did not know anything. He called me a stalker for checking his online status on instagram. He said that if he doesn’t reply, I should wait. He seemed very angry on this message.
I apologised and I told him I just wanted to talk with a good friend like him because I had a really bad week. I wished him he had a better week coming and I even suggested him to eat well as he was working a lot. He did not reply.
After 4 or 5 days, I got worried so I sent him a funny message and also encouraging him about the job, again, no reply. Next Saturday came, I called him and no reply.
I got very angry and said he was being rude, I deleted him on social media and said I did not want to be friends with him. Of course, after 2 hours, I regretted it, I apologised and said that I was having a bad time in Canada and I just wanted to talk with him. Again, no reply.
I sent him maybe 2 or 3 nice messages throughout the next 2 weeks, apologising, saying he was a very good friend for me, etc and no reply. He finally replied to one and he said that I was being “possessive”. He said that every time we talk on the phone, I ask him if he is actually coming to Canada next year, he said he wants to come but that he is not very sure, he said that asking him that every time we talk is possessive. He also said he has a friend whose girlfriend is always checking on his friend, if he doesn’t reply, she will be angry. He said I am acting possessive like her.
I sent him some nice messages trying to fix it but no reply, I asked him to accept my follow requests on instagram and he did not accept them.
I know he talked to other friends in common that he personally told me he doesn't really like them, according to my psychologist, he talks to them because he does not care about them, but he doesn’t talk to me because he cares about me and talking to me is a kind of “danger”.
Last time he sent that angry message was 6 months ago, since then he has never replied to any of my messages. I have sent him maybe 20 messages in the last 6 months, most of them telling him I wanna be friends and nice stuff, very few with angry stuff but later I apologized.
My therapist who knows him well (while I was in Japan I was talking with her during the 6 months I was hanging out with him, I used to talk with her 1 o 2 times per week and a lot of our conversations were about him as I could not understand his behaviour sometimes), she thinks he might have asperger due to his behaviour.
She also thinks he might not be dealing well with the fact that I left, so in order to protect himself, he has decided to “run away” one more time and stop talking to me, as a coping mechanism.
I recently noticed something weird. We met a girl in one of our trips, we both have her on instagram. I noticed he liked her picture, I also liked her picture. After I checked and he disliked the picture, I suppose it is because I liked it. This has happened at least two times that I checked and noticed.
I also noticed, that since we stopped talking, he has been liking all the pictures of two guys we met, from Hong Kong and Ukraine. We were both kinda jealous when we saw any of us talking to them. He used to like their pictures before we stopped talking, but not all of them, just 1 out of 3. I checked his other friends and he does not like all the pictures like he does with these two. I feel like he is maybe doing this on purpose.
Also, we had a friend in common, when I was about to leave Japan, he used to text her a lot which caught my attention. They were basically talking a lot about a potential fake marriage between her and me so we could both get Japanese and European passport. This could tell he really wanted me to stay in Japan. I asked her if they have talked since we stopped talking, she told me he is not talking to her as before. She wrote him but he just replied with a quick reply and thats it. He is not talking to her because she is related to me?
​
If you have read all this, I really appreciate. I have some questions about all this:
What happened? Why did he stopped talking to me? Is this a normal behaviour among aspergers?
Will he talk to me again, eventually? Will he come around eventually? He did not block me... is that a good sign? Any tip to fix it?
Even if he does not talk to me, he still cares?
Is he liking the posts of these two friends in common on purpose? If so, what does it mean?
Is he angry? or what is his opinion about me?
Any insight would be great! Thank you!
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aspergers
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I am not sure how post worthy but I just wanted to express. So, I wish I could go into detail about my OCD. I might at some point in the future but for now I am going to keep content out of it. Suffice it to say that my OCD was robbing me a lot of joy. I have been taking medication for years related to this condition but lately I started to get really serious about doing ERP. I have just been reading a book and doing it by myself. I can't say I'm perfect at it. I still have probably engaged more with OCD thoughts than I should have but my main compulsion.... I've resisted it. I can't say its all will power though. Part of it has been not wanting to humiliate myself any further but while its probably one of the hardest things I've ever done, every day is getting easier. I just wanted to share with this community. I don't really know anyone else with OCD (as far as I'm aware). Hope everyone is doing ok.
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OCD
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So lately my workplace (a retirement home) is really becoming a toxic place. My colleagues are constantly complaining, quarreling or gossiping. I really dread going to work everyday.
Anyway to change this?
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aspergers
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Anyone else manage to gain weight on meds or is it just me?
For further context: I'm 26, female, and take Vyvanse 30mg once a day.
Since high school I've always hovered around 150 pounds. I don't remember gaining much, if anything while I was on Adderall (late 2018-mid 2020-ish) but on Vyvanse I've managed to gain around 25 pounds, which I thought was generally the opposite of what happens.
Who knows if it's the meds or me getting older, but I just thought it was a bit weird.
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ADHD
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I struggle with Relationship OCD (ROCD). I (20, F) have been with my boyfriend (20, M) for two years. Yesterday, I randomly remembered one thing that happened last year. I’ve tried to sit with it, but I cannot seem to get over it. It’s hurting so much.
Last year, I was making a TikTok, which I thought I looked pretty in. In that TikTok, I was making this one face that a male TikTok influencer makes. Then, I thought, “What if the video goes viral, and people say that you and ‘that TikToker’ would be cute together?” That was my thought because I was making the same face as him.
I slightly remember those thoughts eating me up that day, so I never posted it (I also thought the TikTok I made was weird overall, which made me refrain from posting it even more). Today, one year later, I am worried because I’m wondering if I stopped myself from posting it because it would have been bad if I got that TikTok guy’s attention through a pretty/goofy video of myself, OR if I didn’t post only because I thought the video was weird. I can’t tell and it has been eating me up for the past couple of days. I love my boyfriend so much, but everyday, all I think about is, “What if I’ve cheated on him?”
I’ve tried sitting with the anxiety, but it has not helped much. All guidance is appreciated.
TLDR: I have ROCD and cannot tell if I have done something wrong by making a video but never actually posting it.
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OCD
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When I was a little kid, like seven, I used to hit my head on walls. What I mean is, we had this hallway where we would wait for class or something, and one day I leaned back and hit my head. I started worrying that I had hurt myself, so then I had to prove my good health by hitting my head again with the same force, and eventually my head actually hurt. Then I would worry that I wasn’t damaged before but now I am, or that I damaged myself even more.
Another memory I have is constantly needing the drawer by my family’s TV to be shut. This was from like 9 to 10 years old.
The next manifest of may be OCD is what I read to be “pure o”. This started around thirteen, and has been the only possible OCD in my life. Basically constant questioning of my morality and such. I have also developed a habit of obsessing over whether or not my conclusions to various other issues are correct, like day to day things.
I’m pretty sure this is OCD, but I wanted to check.
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OCD
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I thought I was getting over my intrusive thoughts, but then I got reminded of them again and now I can’t stop thinking about them and doing mental compulsions.
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OCD
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Hi,
I am a freshman in college and I just recently realized that graphic organizers are extremely helpful for me. I make them usually on paper, but I want to try to do them on my computer for clarity, but I am having trouble finding a good website/program to use. Does anyone have any recommendations for a program? Thanks!
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ADHD
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From what I've read so far, OCD is sort of an intrusive thought that pops out of no where. So, does ocd have triggers? and if you're distressed by it, is it because the trigger is true or cause you genuinely have ocd?
\*Triggers as in something that causes your ocd to spike or for an intrusive thought to come into your head?
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OCD
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I'm in need of support right now, lately I have been feeling as if someone was chasing me 24/7, but not like an actual person but rather as if the concept of being chased by something was following me everywhere I go. Like if I was permanently walking on eggshells and that at some moment I'm going to commit a mistake that is going to blow up in my face and ruin my life forever and that I'll never be happy again.
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OCD
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Maybe I'm a little monothematic😅I'm on the diagnostic pathway, today 3 sessions and maybe last...the penultimate time I did tests and today I brought my father to whom I told about my doubts and had him read some info from the "jenn has ADHD" site...but he immediately seemed very skeptical and biased. In today's visit he denied and underestimated many things...he even did some tests (I was turned away by myself and I still suggested that I would never have done it, but what the hell do you think he would cheat?!) I'm afraid he has ruined everything for me and I'm trembling with nervousness because I've been told that the tests I've completed show ADHD. But in the case of conflicting opinions, is it possible that the opinion of an external person carries more weight? The psychiatrist told me that he will tell me directly the final answer 😖 thank you !
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ADHD
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I recently turned one year with PTSD. At first I didn't mind having this because my psychiatrist told me that the treatment was only going to last a year, and every time the date approaches I realize that I have improved very little and that the medicine is no longer working for me as before, even though it has changed a couple times. I am one semester away from going to university and I plan to leave my city, but I do not know how I am going to deal with it because the anxiety went beyond what it originated, but I create new problems such as evasion and new fears that prevent acting as I want. My PTSD started out of violence because I was overly afraid. Losing your life or that of a loved one by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The pandemic generated new fears, but as soon as I have progress with a fear, a new one arises and it gives me a lot of anxiety that this is the same me as always, although in the end it is me and I will not stop loving myself because of my condition, I want that things are as before.
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ptsd
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When I first starting masturbating I was fine. I did it to normal hot girls and girls my age. But now I’m having this terrible intrusive thoughts. I feel so shitty. It’s moved from people younger then me to boys to some family. It’s an endless loop and I can’t escape. I need help. Is there any ways to lessen these thoughts?
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OCD
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Has anybody gone through trauma work (prolonged exposure, for example) and felt extremely distant from others while doing so? I was starting to feel a little more stable and connected to people but now that the trauma work has started again I am getting all these thoughts and feelings of complete disconnect - where people who I previously felt close to feel like strangers, or monsters, or cold and closed-off and inaccessible to me. I really hate this feeling so much and it seems to have some sort of relationship to dissociation as well. Just curious to hear other people's experiences and if completing the trauma work helped much.
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ptsd
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First post here.
I’ve stopped enjoying things I used to like. I’m in college so I’m home for break but being around my parents make me more depressed. They love me I know, but I can’t talk to them. I can’t actually talk to anyone. I think I just can’t make myself care about whatever anyone is talking about. I feel nothing towards 99% of the things in life and I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I don’t necessarily want to kill myself I just don’t want to continue living.
I don’t know what to do.
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depression
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Nothing is harder than loving a woman that’s been beat down by a man.
These men have destroyed every single ounce of confidence this woman ever had. She doubts herself constantly. I can hardly even lift a hand without her flinching from the abuse. Any instance that I seem irritated, she automatically assumes it’s her fault. I hate it for her so much.
Not to mention the whole time she was with the most recent, all her past traumas from her childhood, he told her wasn’t viable reasons to claim she had ptsd. In his opinion unless you’re a veteran you don’t know what ptsd is. He constantly reminded her that she was nothing and would be nothing. Yet he was the one who couldn’t pay bills and needed to utilize every single outlet he could, simply because he didn’t want to work. He would leave her home, with three children, and take the car so she couldn’t leave. He was a literal monster.
Am I crazy because I despise this person with every ounce of my being?
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ptsd
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So I was diagnosed just a few months ago with PTSD. On meds and going to therapy. I am 30 years old and never would have imagined that I would have this diagnosis. I have been in denial for many years but my wife gave me an ultimatum. Either I get help or she divorces me. I have been with her for four years now. Our relationship has been pretty rocky due to my past trauma. I had no idea how many triggers I actually had. I am not proud to admit that I pushed her when arguments got stressful or that I threw things in her direction.
All out fear of losing Her, I pushed her further and further away when all she did was love me unconditionally regardless of all my trauma. I constantly stated you know where the door is, Knowing I didn’t mean it. Honestly sounds like a f’ed up mind game.
I was raped back in 2016 and never got help because of the Shame I felt for how it happened on top of how the detective treated the whole situation. My rapist will never go to jail unless he does it again to someone else. Like Wtf. Sadly my family has a reputation for throwing traumatic situations under the rug, so I did what I knew best.
I had to move through all of my trauma alone with little to no support from family on top of being a single mom raising a child while going to school,working and divorcing my daughters father who lived in another state.
I’ve had a traumatic child hood as well, had no clue how damaging my relationships were back then. The men in my life have loved me on a condition never unconditionally, I never felt safe or protected as a young girl, I have been constantly let down by my biological father and stepdad. One was mentally abusive for most of my life and the other was never there. I’ve always felt unworthy of the proper love. I’ve only known conditional love from every parent which of course no realize until they grow up. I’ve only done a few weeks of therapy and I am working on identifying all my triggers and how to work through them.
Unfortunately I still feel like I could lose my wife due to all the bad things I’ve done for the last few years. I can’t say I blame her for leaving if she decides to do that. I have showed her the love she deserves. I am willing to make all the changes I need to and we are currently separated, working on reconciliation.
It’s not easy and sometimes it just feels easier to give up.
I know I can’t be alone in how I feel. Which is all over the place honestly. I see all of the crap I’e done, I just pray that one day my journey through my trauma gets better so that I don’t have to go through a second divorce.
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ptsd
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I think my hormones get extra messed up before my period which includes a very sudden increase of severe depression and OCD symptoms. Intrusive thoughts especially. It sucks, I wonna know if others relate.
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OCD
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i was wondering if anyone else has this ?? like i try to go back to see what i was thinking at an anxious time in my life or when OCD was really bad and i can’t ?
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OCD
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After 2 examinations (One with a Clinical Psychologist, the second one with a psychiatrist) i have been diagnosed with ADHD.
I am 31m, and have been feeling strange, sad and excited the whole day. Strange because I don't know what to think of the past, thr present and the future as all the answers for all the problems I had in my life arrived all at once as an uncontrolled storm of blunt and painful "I finally get it!" Reaction. Sad about the lost future and excited about my medications and starting treatment as a potential new start.
I don't feel angry at anyone, it's just a strange feeling of not knowing what to think.
Has anyone had the same experience after being diagnosed?
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ADHD
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Can someone please explain the difference between ocd, autism, and adhd and how to tell which one you actually are. I know the three share many symptoms and im 99% sure I just have ocd but I have a few symptoms from the other two that im unsure about and kinda scare me. I think I might have adhd, could I have a mix of both or is it just ocd with adhd and some female autism symptoms and how do I tell the difference?
I am diagnosed with ocd but as a female Its hard to get a diagnosis on adhd and all three of those disorders present differently in females than they do in males which makes diagnosis tricky.
I know for sure that I am not autistic but I have some symptoms that might just be ocd or adhd im just kinda confused
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OCD
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Long story short -My person has recently started feeling more and more like she relates to ASD and feels she is also on the spectrum. I'm also ASD and I'm now working hard to view her through that light, in hope to see and understand her better.
She's working on herself a lot, and that includes her trying to listen to her body and set the boundaries she needs. Some of the boundaries feel mean and they make me so anxious, like her saying she's not comfortable talking right now or saying she doesn't want me to touch her. She didn't used to say those things, so my brain goes to the extreme and tells me it's because she hates me. But logically, I understand that, before, she was masking for me and trying to override her sensory overload. And that would just make her irritable and angry. I can recall in the past, me setting my personal touch boundaries as well and those making her sad. I wasn't able to explain at the time that it was ASD and it wasn't that I don't like her.
I realize that she's working through things and trying to understand with and be ok with her own needs. Viewing these things from an ASD perspective makes a lot of sense to me, but the delivery feels cold and makes me feel like my world is ending. I want to learn to see her for her more honest self because I know exactly what it's like to not be seen. I realize I've probably given her that cold feeling in the past too. It's just super hard right now
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aspergers
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(tw sexual abuse/pedophilia)
Last night, I had a dream about my ex. Not even a nightmare. Just that we were still together. Even though I hate him, when it was good it felt like real love. We started dating when I was 16 and he was 29. I think I thought I was mature enough because from 14-16 I had a sexual relationship with my stepdad, and that logic sounds so stupid to me now obviously. Even though I hate what he’s done to me (my stepdad), we were very close basically best friends and I wouldn’t be who I am without his presence. He went crazy and ran away, and now I realize my ex was just filling the hole he left. Despite my rage regarding everything that happened, I’m still looking for their traits in people and I just can’t let go. And it feels impossible to date someone my age . It sucks because I know it’s going to be so hard for me to have healthy relationships now and I’m scared that even if I did, I would miss the chaos.
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ptsd
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I've always been someone with a lot of volatility and contradictions. The largest frustration is often in my boundairies and conscientiousness. I'm very open, but because of this I'm often at a loss as to what I really want. Every time I'm faced with a choice that will have some mid-term consequences I just can't make up my mind about it. I also can't really make up serious borders because I'm very forgiving and broad thinking.
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I also tend to switch back and forth between an extremely conscientious individual and someone that is lazy as hell. When I'm conscientious, I often damage my psyche because I push myself too far. Yet when I'm lazy and just partying and such, I feel pretty statisfied but eventually I just feel depressed because I'm not working towards my goals.
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How do you handle this? I feel like I just need to accept the fact that I'm a human storm and find solace in the fact that there is peace in chaos. Won't be that fun if you're always just the same stable being.
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ADHD
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Long time lurker, first time poster.
1. Thank you! I have learned so much about myself from this page. I was diagnosed with severe ADHD when I was younger. My first school actually had a "rubber room" for when kids came down off their Ritalin. (This was the 80s)
2. Never heard the term Hyperfixation before this group and I almost cried finally getting a definition of what I go through.
3. I'm starting to talk to someone about managing my ADHD.
4. I've noticed if I'm not super busy, I'm very bored. Do others delay just so at some point they need to go all out to finish on time?
I always thought I was a procrastinator but now I'm thinking I just like to keep my mind busy.
Again, thank you for this group!
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ADHD
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I went through a really rough period around this time last year. I was doing really bad in school and knew I had to drop some classes or id fail them, but if I dropped them id lose my grants and not be able to continue school. After that something just kinda broke inside of me and I could no longer even look at my grades or email without having a panic attack, which led me to using xanax. Soon after my roommates went home early for the holidays and with no in person classes had no reason to come back anytime soon. Since my parents aren't in a good financial situation and they live across the country it wasn't possible for me to visit frequently. Living alone in a place where its not really safe to go for a walk nor is it any less depressing outside than my empty 5 bedroom house makes it a bit hard to escape. I quickly got hooked on xanax which only made my depression become really suicidal. I was in a really dark place for a few months until I quit when I went home for break. I got somewhat better, or at least I didn't want to kill myself anymore, but the damage had already been done. My academic career is pretty much fucked and my parents were in no way able to support me while I figured out how to repair my life. This made it so I really never got out of it. Once I went back to school I thought I pulled myself out of it when I started doing some stuff to make money with a friend, which gave me a social life and a reason to wake up in the morning. It also gave birth to really unhealthy habits as well as having money to fund those habits. I continued doing this for around 7 months, thankfully not getting arrested or killed in the meantime, until I had to leave since my lease was over. Once I returned home I talked with my dad about the job I had and he gave me good advice and basically forbid me from going back. Everything was starting to fall back into place but I am still unable to get rid of these shackles from the past. I have such a hard time not laying in bed all day, i'm still unable to look at my school email or even know what is happening or if i'm even still enrolled, I have a job opportunity of a life time but I cant seem to just sit and focus for more than an hour now on the training, I want to stop smoking weed and nicotine but now I get stressed when I don't that I just don't know what to with myself. I am only 20 I have no idea what i'm supposed to do in this situation, my parents cant know half of the story since they think I did fine in school and left on my own. I cant afford a therapist or have anyone i can really talk to about this. Any advice is appreciated thank you.
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depression
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Obsessive thoughts are fucking killing me rn
It's 1am, if I fall asleep in the next hour I might get 4 hours of sleep
Not that it'd matter that much right? I haven't had more than 6 or 7 hours of sleep per night for the past 3 weeks
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OCD
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I know everyone says to talk it out and get help from family & friends, but what if I’m crying every day? Who wants to hear about that? Therapy is not an option right now because I don’t have the financial stability, but I really feel hopeless and think about dying at least weekly. I just wanted to type it out, any comments would be nice
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depression
|
I am successfully treated on meds for years now. Well today I got up at 4am, my dog woke me up I just got a new puppy. Anyway she woke me up to pee, I usually get up around 5 anyway for my two hours of peace and quiet. Anyway I have had this low level of exhaustion all day I call this dangerous tired, why because I am afraid of when I was driving today. And I will not have excess coffee as this will make my anxiety go bad. i finally hydrated myself and ate and now I feel better. But man what a scary feeling
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ADHD
|
So my school had a summer program and I went there. People were nice, I could be more like me, and I even got a teacher to use my preferred name! It was really tiring socializing and getting up and everything but honestly it was like a breath of fresh air, especially being stuck with my parents all quarantine and my only solace being talking to my bd and online friends. But now it’s ended and I feel so trapped again. I hate it here but then I hate myself for hating it. I don’t know. Just kinda scared ig, I feel really bad rn
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ptsd
|
I saw a post re: sensory issues and I am for sure sensitive to sound and light.
But does anyone else have problems with knowing right and left innately?! I feel weird for posting this - but my one of my immediate family members also has severe OCD and he struggles with the same thing!
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OCD
|
Me on meds that I take every single day: “Man, I’m getting stuff done efficiently, I’m not distracted, I bet I’m faking ADHD and don’t even need meds”
Me anytime I accidentally forget to take them and skip a dose: “I remember why I need my meds”
Seriously though, I hate the fact that my brain spins being able to function better into a negative and causes me to doubt myself. Anyone have any advice on how to move past this cycle?
|
ADHD
|
So, for the last year, I been going to the gym between 4-6 days a week.
I only have one pair of shorts I like, every t-shirt I use is short and I only have one pair of shoes.. as you can see this is not hygienic at all, the issue is not money, it's actually buying them, I have to go to the store for shorts, to see if they properly fit or not...
Because of covid, adhd and whatever I never had the motivation to go there..
Last week I actually said, fuck it, went to the store, but because I fixate so much on very specific things, I wanted a nike gray ones, that I did not find, so I just went home...
Maybe this post will give me the motivation if enough people "insult me" ahaha...
P.S. The only reason I am writing this is because I am delaying the inevitable work I have to do!
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ADHD
|
Idk what the fuck is wrong with me but I can’t keep going on this cycle im in erp and im on medications and I still just self harmed at work I couldn’t focus or do anything else until I did it and I still can’t. Im locked in the bathroom. This is too fucking much
|
OCD
|
I will graduate in 1.5 years and then I will get a job.
If you have to work/study, cook, clean and more there is little time and/or energy left to enjoy yourself, I noticed at an internship.
I already thought about cooking for 4 days and storing it in the fridge, when I will be living alone. So that's one way to get more time.
But what about coming home from work/school and having no energy? Then I would watch TV(if I even have energy for that) , eat and go to bed. I feel like I lose in life because of this, the college/working system destroys my joy this way.
Then, when it's weekend, you still have to do things like cleaning, washing clothes, hanging clothes, cooking, because then you have energy for this, you can't be fully free, even on the free days.
The enjoyment from work/study alone is not enough because it's still something that has to be done to survive. It is not that I want to work, I see it as giving part of my life for freedom. But if this drains my energy so much, there won't be enough freedom.
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aspergers
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In reality, I just regret telling my partner about my diagnosis. I was recently diagnosis with Asperger’s and ADHD, and i don’t know how to deal with it. Every time I do something that’s remotely “weird” my partner always says “your having an Asperger moment” or “no wonder you have asperger/adhd” and they makes jokes about it and laughs. I’ve informed them to not make those remarks when we are in public (or in general as it makes me uncomfortable) and they say “but it’s funny”.
A few nights ago I was trying to talk to them but they were playing their guitar whilst taking (which I have informed them not to do when I am trying to talk as it frustrates me a lot as it feels like they are not listening to me and I can not concentrate). And I was extremely frustrated, I asked him to stop but he said that I need to “learn how to multitask”, and they kept playing, I informed them that it was late and it was giving me a headache and that we should go to sleep. In which they replied and said “your being extremely rude, I read about this your having an Asperger tantrum.” This made me extremely frustrated and we had a huge argument afterward.
I don’t know what to do. I just don’t feel like myself anymore. I’m 21 now and I’ve been with this person for 4 years. How do I deal with this diagnosis?
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aspergers
|
As the title says, I was diagnosed I’m March. While I was happy to have an answer and community and more self awareness etc., I’ve been feeling an overwhelming sense of fear that I somehow was misdiagnosed and shouldn’t be talking about ASD to friends/family. I know in my mind that that is ridiculous, as I had a very thorough assessment and a year or two of online research. But I still feel like I’ve tricked everyone and that I don’t belong anywhere. I’ve seen a few others post about feeling manipulative sometimes, and I’ve struggled with this feeling for a long time (that I am manipulating people). I think it might be because I learned about autism so recently and all my prior knowledge of ASD was second-hand crap. Does anyone else have experience dealing with these feelings of being an imposter after diagnosis?
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aspergers
|
I suspect that people here may also have anxiety. I am literally sleeping more because I can't face the world anymore. I have stuff to do and I'm scrolling life away. I'm also depressed because of my hair lately so that's distracting me. I have a final tomorrow. Gosh idk what to do anymore I feel trapped
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ADHD
|
I hate my existence. I hate the existence of every single molecule and atom and every thought every person has ever had. I don’t belong here. I have no place. I’m followed by the past, it constantly hovers over me and no amount of therapy or medication will make me forget. I’ll never live again.
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ptsd
|
So I work at a childcare. This little girl had a booger on her forehead and I tried to wipe it off for her with a napkin, but it got stuck in her hair. It happened an hour or two ago, and while I’ve been feeling better as time passes, I still feel gross under my nails and I’m even hesitant to eat my lunch. A method I’ve been trying to quiet my OCD thoughts with is rationalizing, so I’m compiling a list of reasons why this situation shouldn’t disgust/frighten/bother me in general. If anyone would like to give me some reasons, it’d be greatly appreciated — I always doubt myself and my reasoning.
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OCD
|
I can genuinely feel the sunlight , the leaves crunching and it brings me happiness. Idk what's happening
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depression
|
Hey everyone. I posted a similar thing before. But I have this bad false memory... I'm scared I have done something bad to my dog. Now, what's scaring me is - I keep thinking "you did it with no bad intentions". I read multiple times on here that most people with OCD know they kinda didn't do it. But for me? I am unsure. Does that mean it's a false or real memory?
It did start with a "what if I did... this and this... out of fun?" thought. I think. So does that speak in favour of a false memory?
If I keep ignoring it, I feel like I'm just in denial.
|
OCD
|
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