text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
what more do you want from me? Its been getting hard to keep my sanity lately, to the point where the title is the only question I keep thinking about. Forgive my rant, but I just feel like I need a place to vent this frustration.
I've just had a talk with my maths lecturer today who told me that I was lacking and was slowing the class down and that it would see fit for me to drop a subject beginning next semester if I couldn't cope. Ive only got the semester finals to prove her wrong, but its only 2 weeks away and Im only guessing my results are going to prove her right.
This isn't what frustrates me. Its the fact that I feel so much unfairness. I'm only 15 this year, while all my peers in college are 18-19. Fuck. It's probably my fault for coming to college so early, but cant you at least give me some credit?
I cant ever understand how an average college student manages a balanced life, more so one that's 15. School works gone so intense it's forcing me to miss my gym session almost every week, which fucking sucks because its the only time where I actually feel positive and free from all the stress of academic life.
Joining college so early forced me to leave behind my first relationship, which was with a girl I met in high school. It wasnt serious, but at least when I was feeling over stressed with school work, I had someone to talk to. Plus, I find that its the kind of balance I needed, to go on dates and laugh and live life. You know, like a normal person?
It hurt when the realization came that I was never going to find a girl, at least one that I can relate to, in college. How could I, when everyone's 3+ years older?
I have chronic bowel problems, as well as eczema ever since I was born. But the stress presumably just amplifies everything and Ive been on steroid/antihistamine medication for the past 6 months. When my lecturers drag me aside for accidentally falling asleep in class, I swear its not like the even know how fucking hard it is for me to sleep every night because if the itch and cramps.
Actually, what exactly do they know? They know nothing about what I've sacrificed for this. To judge my capabilities based not on merit but absolute results. How many 15-year-olds can do college-level mechanics, or find the chiral configuration of cyclohexane? Im sick of being compared to people years older than me. Give me some fucking credit I deserve.
Initially, pursued by genuine passion I took on the challenge of joining college early because I had hopes of applying to engineering at Cambridge. But I can't seem to find that passion anymore. Textbooks just make everything seem so dull and uninteresting. Next week I'll be receiving a few awards for my results at the Cambridge IGCSE. Among them were Top in the World for Mathematics and Top in Malaysia for Physics. But I have a feeling that when I go on stage Ill only be reminded of how much Ive fallen, to the point of flunking college.
Again, I'm sorry for this rant. I appreciate if you've read through this, I really do. Sometimes, I just feel so alone in this world.
|
self.depression
|
parents are going to stop supporting me. so for the past two years I've been pretty injured. As of right now foot injury which is triggering anxiety and depression. I can't walk more than a mile a day. Im in a good amount of pain all day. I also hate myself a lot these days.
Anyways I've had to drop out of another semester of college, its my second time. Mm a senior and have 8 classes left. I have an extreme fear of making my injuries worse and have developed some agoraphobia. my parents right now are support my college and rent. Im having trouble taking care of myself, and now they tell me they are going to stop supporting me this upcoming summer. and if I screw up, and can't support myself, they won't catch me from falling. Basically they will let me become homeless. What are your thoughts?
|
self.depression
|
"Friends" ended up not wanting me, after all Not much here to say. This happened days ago, and it still plagues me.
I spent time with this friend group for a long time, and we would usually do stuff together. I could always tell it was kind of a sham though, like it was something that they didn't actually want to be doing; like they were pretending, like they were pitying me because they knew how much of a loser I actually was.
They're starting a new D&D campaign. I was never much of a D&D player, but I really wanted to do something with them, and I already knew a little bit about it. Someone posted in the group chat, "Starting a D&D campaign, first few people to reply to this get to play."
It didn't work out for me. This seems trivial, but I am effected easily by anything. I was in class, so I replied only 2 MINUTES after the first message was sent, but it was too late. I asked the DM (Dungeon Master) afterwards if he could make some room for me, but he said no and that I would have to wait until after next time.
They didn't talk to me for a good 24 hours. They were all playing D&D and didn't really give a shit about me. (It really sucks because some people got to play that only talk to the group like, twice a month, but that's aside from the point..).
I wrote a long message and sent it to the group chat, and told them that I'd be leaving the group chat, and if they ever wanted to see me again, they should just message me, invite me back, do SOMETHING that shows they care.
But nothing happened. Nobody has messaged me. I have heard nothing. It just feels good to know that you've wasted years of your life on a set of people only to find out that they wouldn't even THINK about you if you didn't bother them multiple times per day.
|
self.depression
|
Today is my birthday and i just threw a glass on the floor Today is my birthday, it's supposed to be happy, I'm supposed to be happy. But thing didn't go well in my family, everyone was shouting and blaming each others, then my dad blamed it on me. I didn't care but tomorrow I have finals, I'm already stressed out enough. I wanted to go to a library or a coffee shop to study and forget all about this shit, but then my dad pointed at me and said that if I dared to go out I'm out forever. My mom told me to go my room (she's with me, she cares for me and she doesn't want me get hurt). So I went to my room. Inside, I still heard my dad blaming me for the nuisance I didn't ask for. I grabbed my phone and typed "Thank you" to all the texts my friends sent me to wish me a happy birthday. I tried to keep myself positive.
But then the feelings just hit me hard. It was like a switch. The second after that, I already felt the water all over my face as I threw the glass on the floor.
I felt...satisfied. The inside of me screamed "Yes, you did it!". I played safe with all my life, as the sweet little girl I was. But I know my emotions are unstable and my mental is crumble as hell. I never had the gut to do that, I've always swallowed all the hatred and sadness. So this time instead of crying and writing down all the sadness, I actually did something to show it. Of course my parents went to my room immediately. My mom didn't say much but my dad kept saying how disappointed he was. My dad had a perfect picture of a standard family which the females are always gentle and never fight back. So this incident must make him consider me a failure or something like that.
As I cleaned the mess, he just kept talking. Now he blamed it on my mom that she didn't raise me as a good obedient girl. It made me feel maybe I shouldn't have been born at all. I couldn't tell him that before I'm a girl, his daughter, I am a human. I have emotions. I'm not some doll to bend for his liking.
I love my dad, I know he love me back too. But the difference between the ideal daughter of him and the actual me is miles away.
I felt like because of the relationship between me and my family I'm living like a switch. I lost interest in living, I don't see the point of moving on. After all, my life will be a boring cycle. I'm scared that someday I will be crazy enough to actually end my life since I always have that thought at the back of my head. Today I already made the first step. I'm constantly pushed and pulled between living a normal life and depression.
Tomorrow will be very awkward and stiff, I don't know how to face my family and tell them that I'm really crazy and dead inside.
Maybe I'm truly not suitable for living. For all the achievements and love I get, I still feel so empty. Nothing matters. I love some Kpop idols to learn to love someone wholeheartedly and think that they would love me back. It soothes my poor soul and I have someone to think of instead of thinking about my life. But I know it's just me finding reasons to continue living on.
I'm young, barely 20, good at school, well loved by friends and family.
Still, I sucks at living.
|
self.depression
|
I feel like 'existential pain' is whats normal and all the rest is an attempt at numbing it or distracting me from it Tonight it's especially bad. I invited a bunch of friends over last night to have some beers and smoke a joints and I had a pretty good time. However from the moment the last person left and I was alone again I went back to my baseline of feeling empty and insignificant and it felt like I had just been distracting myself from it by faking that I am person who is happy and has his life under control.
Right now I feel this constant mental anguish in the back of my head, this nagging feeling that I need to numb myself. Yet at the same time I don't want to numb myself because I know from experience it won't work. I have a fridge full of alcohol but drinking will just make me a sad drunk mess. And I certainly wont feel any better tomorrow morning. Maybe it's a good thing that I don't have easy access to anything harder then alcohol.
Just really needed to vent. Now I'm probably going to distract myself with mindless sitcoms on Netflix until I pass out.
|
self.depression
|
I did it guys! I have successfully isolated myself from every friend I have ever had! It’s been a tough job but somehow I got it done. Now I have only one reason to live!
|
self.depression
|
I Think I'm Ready Hi, Reddit. I wanted to ask you all a question. Would ending my life make my parents love each other again? Let me give some context behind this. Long story short, I was fighting with my mother the other night and my father heard from downstairs and came up and we got into it. It was so bad my mother threatened to call the police on both of us. That's when my father finally said those horrible words "I want a divorce". He also said a lot of horrible stuff about me like how I'm an ungrateful good-for-nothing, I make his life Hell, and all the problems in the family are because of me. He's so right and that's what hurts. Back to the main question though, will killing myself make things better? I live currently with my father, mother, and 14 year old brother. I am 19. I just feel as though my time on this earth has come to an end. I've weighed the pros and cons, and it just seems like a better idea. I love my family and I want them happy. Everything would be so much better off without me. I feel as though I've accepted what I must do. I've told my therapist and even though she said it's not the answer, what exactly is? At least my father would be happy and my mother, brother and everyone else would eventually move on. I have two siblings in heaven (two miscarriages) and I am the oldest of all four. It's time I step up and do what I need to. I've accepted that I'll be scared, that it'll hurt a lot, and that I'll probably go to Hell for all eternity. Despite all this, my one comfort will be watching my family ascend to Heaven. Even if I need to spend all eternity in pain, at least I will be giving back for all they've given me. This to me seems the easiest and most effective way to fix my sins. I love my family too much to cause them anymore pain. My boyfriend will find someone else and I have no friends to worry about. As scared as I am, I feel I must make the ultimate sacrifice to them, my eternal life and soul. Based on the advice I receive, I may start making preparations immediately, including discreetly saying goodbye to my loved ones.. If anyone knows any good effective ways to commit suicide, I will be eternally grateful if you would send them to me. Thank you for reading. Please give me advice as you see fit.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I have no worth, I've tried my best to find meaning in life, i have no desire to carry on! Life is pointless and I'm done! Looking for worth in life is like looking for something that doesn't exist, it's a waste of time and you will get no reward at the end. I've tried my best to find meaning and worth since I was a teenager, but life is only great for a certain few, the rest are just left to rot while watching everyone else enjoy life and see all the pleasures that it can offer.
We walk around and do mundane things and try to forget the fact that we are worthless and we lack meaning! We should all just die and be forgotten, that is what we are leading too. We are born to lose, everything that was told to us early in life was all pointless and once we get older, we should just kill ourselves.
I have no desire to carry on, I have no worth and my life is pointless. I should be dead and no one has ever cared about me. When I go out, I feel like people are looking at me like I'm a creep, some deformed waste that should not be living alongside other people.
I'm currently sitting at my laptop with my belt next to me and I'm ready to set it up and choke myself to death!
I'm ready!
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm confused. I'm 16 years old, dropped out of 9th grade because i started to become really anxious being around people for longer periods of time.
That was about a year ago, and since then i've just been home, trying to work on myself. And i've been through alot of pain since then, alot of confusion, i'm scared to go outside for the fear that i'll be too weird or different from everybody else, i seem to have lost some of the ability to act like other normal people, i make very odd choices in social situations.
What i have on my mind tonight though, is that i suddenly just kind of.. zoned out while listening to music, and i felt (still kind of feel) euphoric, i was just sitting there with my feelings, allowing them to come and go, and i truly felt like nothing mattered, but not in a bad way.. more like in a dreamy way.
I've been through a phase a while ago, where i was completely numb to any kind of emotion or situation, if somebody would fall in front of me, i would just stand there and stare at them. I've gotten better at reacting the right way to situations, though i'm really scared of falling into that numbness again. But i guess it all comes down to the fact that i don't really know who i am or what i'm supposed to do with my life.
Although the one thing i do know, is that i feel like i'm more comfortable around adults, (not very old men though.. for personal reasons) I just feel as if i can converse in a better way with them, like they care/think about some of the same things that i do.
In some instances i even feel like i'm more intellectually gifted than them. (even though that might be selfish to say.)
Either way, i just wanted to share my thoughts for a moment in hopes someone else would know what some of these things feel like. Have a good day/night. :)
-Clara
|
self.depression
|
Is life not crazy as fuck or are people just sober to craziness? Do people just not care or question? I feel like people have extra genes
|
self.depression
|
I am seriously considering murdering my mother Throwaway because doi.
She has WKS and would hate it if she could see herself right now. She's also making everything terrible for everyone and we would all be better off if she were dead. I'm going to have to be in a car with her for 20+ hours and it would be so easy to just pinch her nose and hold her mouth shut for a few minutes. It's what she would want. I just don't know if I can follow through with it.
|
self.offmychest
|
Help I'm really sorry for being a bother and I'm sorry if this is unreadable, but bear with me please.
I'm 15 years old, so maybe this is just me being lazy and ungrateful, but I want to drop out of school.
These past months, I've been skipping school. I can't learn anything; my head just refuses to take anything in. I always have this heavy feeling of homesickness.
So I started pretending and lying to everyone. In the mornings, I pretend to prepare for going to school, then once everyone leaves, I stay at home. Then I message my friends that I don't feel well, even if I'm perfectly fine. I don't do anything productive the whole day, I just refresh Reddit and Youtube over and over again. I try to do the things I like to do like video games and stuff, but the guilt just stops me from enjoying my hobbies.
The only thing stopping me from killing myself is the fact that I can't have my parents go through all that pain, and I want to somehow give back to them and make them feel like all the money they spent on me wasn't a waste.
I keep telling and convincing myself to go to school the next day, but as the days of absences pile up, so does the pressure I feel. I tried to talk to my parents about this, but then I realized that they won't understand because I don't have a concrete reason for feeling this way.
I'm not being bullied, I don't have extremely close friends but I do have friends, and it's not like I have a bad reputation at school. The schoolwork's not that bad either and I am perfectly capable of doing them, but I just don't want to. I had high grades last grading, but due to my absences, they have probably dropped.
My parents have always been reminding me that I have it easy, that all I have to do is study, that all I'm good for is my grades, and I know that it's true. All I have going for me is that I'm a bit "smarter" than my classmates, and now I don't even have that.
I know that I'll get in trouble for doing all these and that I'm being a burden to my parents. I'm not even officially diagnosed, yet I feel like I'm depressed. I've been reading through the posts in this sub to find similar people to me, but they all have legitimate reasons and I don't. My parents probably don't even understand depression.
I'm going to try and talk to my mother again tomorrow about this. I doubt that she'll understand though. I myself don't really get the point of this post, but if you read it all the way through, thank you very much and sorry for being an inconvenience.
|
self.depression
|
I’m going through waves of depression Most of the time I’m just depressed to where I can somewhat hide it and suppress it.
But recently after a breakup I have these waves of major depression to where I am crying and shaking and sometimes it’s crippling. Almost like I’m having an anxiety attack. It will go on for hours. My thoughts go to dark places and I just want to end it all. And there’s never a specific reason or point the major depression stops. It just does.
I don’t know how to prevent these waves from happening. Something triggers or reminds me of my ex and I lose it every time.
I need help.
|
self.depression
|
Death is on my mind everyday, from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Idk anymore I called the Suicide Hotline twice today because I just wanted to talk - literally just talk because it was a struggle to open my mouth at all today.
This is my situation that I know no one will empathize with me for, making me feel even more depressed and suicidal: I'm a 23 year old guy who recently experienced loss of my eyebrow hairs. I got microblading done (natural looking semi-permanent eyebrow tattoo) a couple months ago and the regret has been KILLING me. It's faded and looks terrible and obvious and I spend every waking second wishing I never did it and I'm so self conscious now. I've become reclusive and depressed. Yes, over a fucking eyebrow tattoo.
It's the constant thinking about it that's killing me. I feel embarrassed, ashamed, stupid, exhausted, paranoid, anxious ALL THE TIME. The past few days I've just been at home, trying not to think about it, but I can't not. I'm not going to kill myself over this, but it's definitely killing me. And it's hard because I KNOW how dumb this sounds but it's a nightmare ON MY FACE that I have to live with... I can't believe this is my life right now.
I've been through actual shit in my life like dealing with my parent's divorce, calling the cops on them, raising my little brother, taking care of my aging grandma, dealing with my friend's suicide attempt, heartbreaks, you name it. But I've NEVER felt like this before because I feel like I did it to myself and there's NO ONE who can understand and will look at me normally now. I've gotten stares, I feel like people are whispering, I can't live like this. I feel like a freak and I don't think I'll ever be the same again...
Sigh. Just ranting. Another sleepness night.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Idk what to do I have no idea where I'm at mentally. I'm restless, anxious and sleep less but I also feel shitty and enjoy nothing. I also cry over the smallest things or just randomly. I hate this so much. I'm really unstable. Everything is bad. Everything is uncomfortable. Nothing helps. I just... don't know what to do.
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm not going to kill myself, but I want to die. Is this normal? [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My Boyfriend Called the Cops on Me After a Suicidal Episode... And now my parents are treating me like a child. I’m not allowed to have my medication in my room (Even though literally it wouldn’t do shit if I downed the whole bottle because each one was 10 mg), I’m not allowed to have my door closed, or to cut my own fucking food. I have to ask permission before taking ibuprofen for a headache and I have to ask permission before I shave so they don’t think I’m going to fucking slit my wrists. I’m so tired.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Job advisor hate me and I love it... When she calls me out to reception she says my and I get up to walk over it her and I just keep my head down af and she seems mad about his? Why?
|
self.offmychest
|
A day of darkness Today was such a lovely day. The sun shined and the trees swayed ever so slightly in the wind. Everyone enjoyed the weather so much but I could only feel envy and anger. Envy because they could enjoy a day such as this. Anger because I could not. No rhyme or reason as to why I felt like this today. After getting home from work I just cried and cried until I feel asleep and then had to go to my third shift of the day. I'm still fighting back tears. Now I'm going to go cook and act like nothing is wrong when everything feels wrong. I sincerely hope everyone who reads this is doing ok and is able to make it through their dark days.
|
self.depression
|
You were born alone, and believe me you'll die alone The closest ones to you might not be happy with your absolute best, but you can be
|
self.depression
|
Can't stop feeling guilty Hi everyone.
I'm a 23 year old girl. I've suffered with depression for basically my whole life, but I haven't had any significant episodes in a while. I can feel one starting now and I'm trying to see if talking to people who understand can help me stop it before it gets too bad.
Basically, like the title says, I'm completely overwhelmed by feelings of guilt. I can't help but feel completely convinced that I'm a horrible person. I haven't done that many bad things, but I still feel horrible and can't stop obsessing over every stupid thing I've ever done.
For example: I used to think shock sites were funny when I was a teenager. I once sent a mild one to somebody during a public conversation on facebook, and now I feel awful about it because I may have triggered somebody or made them feel bad.
I try to be a good person, but I can't stop worrying that I may have hurt somebody by accident in the past. I think I've been triggered lately by all the news about sexual abuse, since I'm a survivor of sexual abuse myself. The most terrifying thing to me is that a lot of abusers don't even remember the things they did. It makes me wonder if I could have done something horrible in the past and have forgotten it. I strongly doubt it, but I can't stop wondering if I'm also capable of evil. My own history with sexual abuse has caused me to self harm for most of my life and to abuse drugs for a while (the shock site thing was during the drug using period.) I've never ever hurt anybody on purpose, and I don't think I ever will. But I worry about things I may have done out of carelessness or stupidity.
I'm in a relationship now with someone that I love and care about a lot, and I worry that I don't deserve to be with him. I'm terrified of hurting him, which, like I said, I would never do on purpose but still worry could happen. I feel like deep down I'm a bad person, and I'm trying to be good but that someday my true nature will come out and everyone will see how horrible I am. It's the first time I'm in a relationship that isn't abusive, so I'm freaking out.
Sorry for the long rambly post.
|
self.depression
|
All my issues tie back to one thing Money.
Money is why I feel like I have no control over my life. I hate this.
|
self.depression
|
Permanent Sleep I’ve had enough of this happy mask I put on daily for people. I couldn’t feel any hollow and worthless if I tried
I just want to go. Now.
Soon as death comes for me I’ll shake his hand not fight him.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Thoughts about depression meds Do you guys know of any meds that work for depression? I'm already on risperidone and venlafaxine. The reason I ask is that I've been more depressed in the past few weeks and it's getting harder to do my work for college. I even skipped a few classes. I have a pnurse appointment on Thursday and would like to try something new. I want something that will work and fast. I feel like I can't waste anymore time like this.
|
self.bipolar
|
Going back to school for a second bachelor's degree at 27 4 years since I've graduated with Bachelor's of Science in Civil Engineering (BSCE), and I'm now having second thoughts about it. I've finished my student internships, EIT/FE but I have not yet passed the PE exam. I'm really burnt out and I am now going back to school for my second bachelor's in psychology, a completely unrelated field to CE outside of STEM. I dread going to work every morning as an entry level CE and want to get another degree outside of CE. I live in a dorm to cut on costs and funding is based on my limited financial aid funds, or what I have left of it anyway and my savings. Thoughts? Should I finish my second bachelor's or hang onto my job regardless of dreading to work and going to work every morning?
|
self.offmychest
|
Song analysis using depression as context I was listening to one of my favorite songs from grade school, and I realized that it fits perfectly in describing how I feel towards depression, my will to survive depression, and the angst, remorse, and grief of falling into a depression. Here is the song, called "Death of Seasons":
.
.
.
    
"Of late, it's harder just to go outside
    
To leave this deadspace with hatred, so alive
    
Writhing with sickness, thrown into banality, I decay
    
Killed by the weakness, but forced to return, turn it off
    
I watch the stars as they fall from the sky
    
I held a fallen star and it wept for me, dying
    
I feel the fallen stars encircle me, now as they cry
    
Out there so quickly grows malignant tribes
    
Posthuman extinction excels unrecognized
    
Feeling surrounded, so bored with mortality, I decay
    
All of this hatred is fucking real, turn it on... yeah
    
It won't be all right despite what they say
    
Just watch the stars tonight as they, as they disappear, disintegrate
    
And I disintegrate 'cause this hate is fucking real
    
And I hope to shade the world as stars go out and I disintegrate"
The first stanza starts the process of slipping into depression. It’s hard to leave the walls that are now built around you, the hatred drawn inwards is real and deadly. Leaving is an escape, but the mind of depression “forces” you to return inwards, retreat back home, and continue the stages of decay, even violence: “Killed by the weakness…turn it off"
The second stanza is how I see this process of suffering being reflected in the natural world through the observation of stars. I am reminded of the title of the song “Death of Seasons” which is organic and relates to nature. There is compassion inherent in seeing the suffering of them: “I held a fallen star and it wept for me” / “The fallen stars encircle me” is an act of compassion by nature itself, reminding me that the feelings of depression and disconnection are universal.
The third stanza is also about the outside world, but a reflection on society and other people, which is viewed as working a brutal and threatening agenda (malignant tribes). For me, viewing the world at large in this way begins to give birth to thoughts that lead me to believe that the world is cruel, and that I no longer wish to participate in it, which completes the process of depression and fatefully, gives rise to the momentum of wanting to take my own life.
The bridge, or last stanza, is a confirmation of the reality of depression, merely the way things are, so to speak. The vocalist directs the attention to the sky, and sees the completion of the cycle, the end of the season when things wither and die. Yet compassion for the whole world is alive, “I hope to shade the world as stars go out” which still amazes me, that in the throes and thick of a hard depression the parts of me that want to help and be a part of the world live on.
|
self.depression
|
im afraid im going to fail again, and i feel lost all the god damn time. help I know its not a reason for me to blame why i fucked up, my constant stress, and worrying over everything leads to stupid anxiety attacks and mental breakdowns. I got kicked out of school, why cause i didnt feel like repeating one class a third time. I felt-feel (trying to be positive) unworthy, and stupid. My parents are being parents trying to be supportive but dont want their 22 year old depressed daughter in their house; and want me to find another school. Im thankful for them willing to pay the second time, but i cant fucking think and i feel suffocated all the fucking time. and now im doing it again, i found another oppurtunity; another school willing to accept me and all but i feel like im sabotaging myself by not finishing all the paperwork to be officially enrolled. the same with that class i knew that if i failed i would be out and i just let it happen. Im afraid and im tired of being afraid but i dont know how to just start doing what i need to do. I need the fear to go. sorry - this was a rant. P.s. im hiding in my room ignoring everyone asking about my school situation and i feel pathetic.
|
self.Anxiety
|
cant even talk to people in online vent chatrooms i mention something about me and they just disconnect. im not depressed persay but just a little sad and dont want to bother close ones with my problems. ill just drag them down
|
self.depression
|
If the universe truly cared, it would kill me. But it doesn't care about anybody.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Is your anxiety worse around certain people? If so, do you think there's a reason for that? Is that always a bad sign?
There's always certain people I feel extra anxious and quiet around. I don't know if it's my intuition trying to tell me something or what it is. Has anyone else experienced this?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Just patting myself on the back because I DIDNT BUY THE THING!!!! Yes, that’s right, me, the guy that once bought a shitty Landcruiser he didn’t need and couldn’t afford and knew was over priced for $24.5k thanks to hypomania. (And before that a BMW ($10k) and before that a Hyundai (10K) then, Land Rover (10K), and before that a Nissan $15K, and another half dozen vehicles, boats and motorcycles I won’t bother mentioning, you get the point) all cars I couldn’t afford, and didn’t really need, and ended up selling at usually a 50% loss, thus accumulating more and more debt)
I just didn’t buy a shit Mazda 121 for $800 even though the guy selling got really high pressure guilt trip and agitation on my contemplative ass. I said if you need an answer right now it’s no, and apologised for wasting time and watched him speed off in his van so angrily he nearly crashed into a cop car. And 5min later he tried to call, as if, denied & blocked sir.
I didn’t buy the thing, I’m so happy.
God (Odin) bless Lamotrigine and self insight.
|
self.bipolar
|
Just hit my first low after 2 weeks of nothing but highs and now I’m not sure how I’ll be able to handle Christmas. Finally I was feeling “normal” again. Work was going well, I was as close to happy at home as I could be. I got a puppy 2 weeks ago and he was keeping me busy, focused, my mind free from the loneliness, he made me feel needed like I mattered again.
Before that all I had was work to keep me happy, which if you knew me you’d think that sounded crazy because I’m usually pretty lazy and belong to the biggest group of procrastinators theres is. But as my mental state progressively got worse, I began fucking up at work and the more I fucked up, the harder I fell. I stopped looking forward to weekends and began longing for the weekdays at work. I had friends but at some point, I grew distant from them as I never really contacted them as friends do, only whenever I was in the mood to do something. Then the invites on the weekends stopped coming and I had never reached out since they would mostly go to bars/clubs and Me being the social pariah that I am never really enjoyed being out unless I was on x or adderal the few times I was there. Then the drugs stopped working and actually enhanced the feeling of depression made it worse made me think about how much I hated myself and how lonely I was. And I would just zone out and stand or sit off to the side by myself and they’d just give me a look and wonder wtf. So now whenever I do see them I get the feeling I’m not really wanted there. Even if everyone else is laughing and having a good time it only ever seemed to get worse. I wondered if the reason I was only still receiving the occasional invite was if it was simply out of pity, or if they had still cared about me.
Then finally one night I broke down and told Mom I was depressed. Immediately the next morning she had me call and schedule an appointment with the psychiatrist and a therapist. After my first appointment I was prescribed cymbalta which had only helped a little but it just wasn’t enough. A few weeks later I was also prescribed Wellbutrin and after taking it for a week or so I noticed a huge improvement. I was doing great at work, my mood was on the up and I felt like my life was nearly mine again. I felt like I was the man though I still didn’t like who I was, I knew I could work on that and change it finally get back to my hobbies and find new interests in life. Which is sorta how the puppy had come about.
But today on December 24th i have hit the bottom again. I was quickly reminded just how alone I was and my self hatred exasperated. I woke up feeling lethargic not wanting to get out of bed and pitying myself. Now all I can think is fuck the holidays, fuck you depression.
Sorry for the long rambling rant but as I got started I couldn’t seem to stop. I’m not normally one who shows emotion or even really ever talks about how they feel.
|
self.depression
|
Have any of you ever had an HIV scare that resulted in a negative result? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Idk if this is just seasonal depression but this year feels harder than any other [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
What I love about you is not worth it. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
My best friend is mad at me and I’m about to have a breakdown. My best friend of 10 years and I went to a different city together to shop. We got in a stupid argument that was my fault as always. We’re in the mall together and he won’t talk to me. He also mocked me for sometimes venting online. I want to just fucking throw myself off of a staircase or go into the bathroom and cry.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Sick of all of this. This right here is exactly what makes me want to give up. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I called in sick to work today For the first time in a couple months I was feeling so Shitty I called into both my jobs today. Just feeling too burnt out, but I slept a lot, read quite a bit and finally managed to shower so the day wasn’t a complete waste
|
self.depression
|
Therapy and working full time- how do you do it? Hi everyone. Does anyone have advice on seeking profesional help while you're working a full-time job and putting in extra hours?
I've never been to a counselor, but I realize that my anxiety is taking over my life. I've had it since I can remember (GAD, social anxiety, etc.). I've made great strides myself, but I feel like anxiety is still holding me back. I see what a big impact it has on my relationships, my career, etc. I also find myself in anxiety spirals frequently (ex: act anxious - people think I'm awkward - act more anxious because of it and feel like I've dug myself into a hole). After talking to loved ones about my anxiety, I realize that I could really use help from a trained professional.
However, I just started a new job and work 50-60 hour weeks sometimes. I've tried calling counselors and I don't hear back. Evening appointment aren't available. There's no way I'd have time to go during lunch. I don't want to have an awkward conversation with my new boss about why I need to be gone for x amount of time every two weeks. Now that I've been trying to seek help, the barriers are such a deterrent (even though I have really good health insurance!).
So other people who are working full time- how do you do it? I feel so stuck because I know seeing a therapist would improve my quality of life. I just don't know how to make it possible.
|
self.Anxiety
|
on tuesday my mother, age 58, was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer. fuck christmas. things have been getting worse with her health since september. she just retired this past spring, after working for almost 40 years at the state office of public assistance and child support office as well. in march, she finally took a trip with my step dad to europe. i'd been telling them to go see the world for years. i'm not sure she has enough time to see more of it.
surgery is not an option, unfortunately. at least not right now. i guess, in some theoretical universe the chemo might prove effective enough where we can revisit that possibility, but i'm not an idiot either. i know what's coming. i lost my fiance to stage 4 ovarian cancer 6 years ago. this isn't really new to me. but this is my mom.
i always hated this holiday. you'd be hard pressed to find me put up another christmas tree after this year. my mom and i put up the tree on friday night actually. there is nothing underneath it. nothing for the grandkids, the family friends, the pets, etc. it was a struggle just to put the lights on it.
i am not doing well. i lack the proper coping skills to deal with this. i'm smoking a lot of pot just to get through each day. and i don't wanna hear anything about how that isn't helping - it's what i got and what i'm comfortable with. i don't like pills, and most of my friends have fallen to assorted addictions. at least i don't drink, and quit smoking cigarettes almost 2 years ago. please don't get on me about my vices. if i didn't have my trees i probably would be sleeping less than i am, and at my current weight of 127 lbs, i need all the help i can get w/ my appetite. i've lost 43 lbs since september, mostly because i'm stressed.
i don't know how i'm going to get through today. i can't even imagine tomorrow. or the next day. new years. my mom's birthday is within a few days of valentines day. it's probably going to be her last.
[i'm fucking depressed.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9KeYE_2kag)
i hope all your holidays are going better than mine.
|
self.depression
|
I am depressed because of a culture shock. When i was a kid, i was obsessed with japanese culture and how everything seems organised and life was structured in Japan. When i was a kid, i wanted to live a normal life of waking up, going to work, and going home everyday for the rest of my adult life and I didn't want too many unexpected things to happen to me because i was afraid of change. I thought it was a good thing, but as i grew older i realised that i didn't like things to be too structured and i wanted freedom of choice and not suffocate under society's pressure.
Japanese thought process when handling human interaction is "If you are going to do something, don't bother someone". Which seems nice enough on the surface, but if you delve into it, you can see how terrible this is. When you are hurt physically or mentally, don't bother someone. When you have crippling depression, don't seek out help, you will bother someone. When you want to commit suicide, don't do it anywhere where it will affect other people's lives. You get the idea.
This realisation that my dream world was a lie hit me when i went to Japan alone to sightsee. When i first got there, I thought i would love the place, it was clean, everyone seemed nice, people followed the rules and it seemed like a utopia. I thought it was paradise. It wasn't. The longer i stayed there, the more i realised that it was a facade, everyone looked happy, but it was all a show. The service industry greeted you and treated you with respect out of pressure from society, you couldn't tell if they were genuinely nice or just being told to be nice. At any opportunity where someone had more power than you in a situation, it really showed their true colours. It was so hard to breathe with all this pressure on the shoulders of the people, just looking at them mindlessly walking made me sick.
Before that trip i chose to pay little attention to all those articles on how japan has a high suicide rate and all the social pressure. But it all came crashing down on my expectations.
What i thought would be an enjoyable trip, now makes me feel a sickening sense of disgust whenever i think of japanese society. The more i think, how can someone live in a society where everyone is expected to do the same thing everyday and are not allowed to share their emotions and suffer so much.
Now this makes me depressed because everything i loved about a country shattered and leaves an empty void there. I was studying japanese before i went for the trip, and now after the trip, i feel disheartened to study the language. I have a japanese girlfriend that i met (long story), and i feel a heavy weight on my chest if i have to tell her that i can't live in japan in the future because i hate their society.
Thanks for reading through my rant, i just wanted to get this off my chest because i don't know anyone i can talk to about this. I hope i can come to terms with how their society is because japan is really a beautiful place and i don't want my image of japan to be tainted by this aspect of it.
|
self.depression
|
Does anyone else have breathing issues? Hi,
I have been anxious for years. Lately I have been doing better but it feels that every time I feel better, something comes up. Lately I have been felt out of breath. I feel like my breathing is heavy.
Sometimes even talking feels like a task that requires too much energy.
But then again I don’t notice anything while I am at work and I I still can run etc.
I remember that I have had this before and I a pretty sure it has to do with the anxiety but am still reaching out and asking if this is anything that others have experienced? Thanks for help. Take care!
|
self.Anxiety
|
I think my dad is bipolar too. How can I approach him about seeing someone for a diagnosis? BP1 here. I'm almost positive my dad is also bipolar. He tells me he struggles with depression, but then he has these episodes of extreme rage, or he'll be too anxious to sleep. When he's (im assuming) manic he'll suddenly take on some huge house project and gets obsessed with it till its done. Seeing that I have it, plus seeing his behavior, I think it's worth him seeing a psych about a diagnosis. But he is vehemently anti-label, and with uncomfortable topics he tends to get aggravated and won't hear it.
How can i approach him in a way where he won't feel attacked, but will really understand the urgency of getting a proper diagnosis so he can feel better?
|
self.bipolar
|
I just had a nervous breakdown, started cutting myself and now I want to die [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I wish I could go to sleep tonight and never wake up. Just...quietly end. No making sure I have the gun held right, no chance to screw it up. No worrying if it will hurt. No letter to write. No mess to clean up, and my face will be nice and whole for the casket. My parents can pretend they love me one last time, and won't blame themselves. My ex won't tear herself apart, thinking it was her fault. My friends and coworkers won't have to wonder why they didn't notice something was wrong. My therapist won't wonder if there was something I wasn't telling her. It would be perfect...clean and easy. Everyone could move on and forget me. And I'd finally stop hurting without hurting any more people I love.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
fear and psychologist's confusing answer For a while I've been getting more and more catastrophe thoughts, they started with things outside (someone will get hurt, the building will collapse and hurt us, etc.) but in the last few months they've turned inside (my breathing / heart will stop).
I went to see a psychologist today for the first time (although I had CBT for depression a decade ago) and she said that these fears were just language my brain was using to signal that it felt there was a threat but had nothing to latch on to.
That makes sense I guess. But then she said that I can only reduce my level of fear by sitting out the fear, exposing myself to the thing I'm scared of to see that it's not dangerous. But if my fears are simply expressions of an inarticulable generalised fear, surely this will just cause the specific fears to fade and new ones to arise in their place until I address the underlying problem, right?
So how do I do that, without having a firm fear to actually face down?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Today he told me she's pregnant..... My husband who walked out me almost 3 months ago decided today would be a good day to tell me the side chick is pregnant. 2 months pregnant. Never mind that I have been trying to get pregnant for the last 5 years and lost 2 babies. He got her pregnant less than a month after leaving. How much is one person suppose to take? How much? When is enough enough?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Am I really Bipolar?? Help! Hello! I am a 17 y/o girl who has been recently diagnosed as bipolar. I have only had one MANIC episode (described below if you're interested) and was hospitalized. I am now taking Lithium and I am having a hard time coping. I've had absolutely no history of previous signs and have lived a normal life up until now. Not to mention that the side effects of lithium are in full affect and are making it hard to live my life. It's so frustrating knowing that I am less than a year away from going to college and becoming independent, and then all of a sudden I am taking medication twice a day. I miss my old self and I truly don't believe I am bipolar! Is there any chance I am misdiagnosed? Any comment is appreciated :-)
-
-
-
My manic break - My mania started one night after smoking weed (sidenote, i had taken shrooms about a month earlier and smoked while on them, so ever since then my marijuana highs have seemed to be slightly more hallucinogenic), so I am still convinced these both had an affect on me. Anyways, that night I couldn't sleep, and for the next couple days had a sleep schedule of staying awake all night, drinking energy drinks during the day, and then passing out. When i was awake, my mind seemed to be going a mile a minute, and I felt like the smartest person in the world. I never did anything dangerous, and felt that i was in total control of myself. I never hallucinated or anything either, it was just my thoughts. In fact, I felt like a mini preacher, and couldn't stop talking about being woke, and describing "woke" to all of my friends. At first, me and my family just thought this was insomnia, but when i was admitted to the emergency department, I was trying to explain to them that I couldn't fall asleep because i was too woke, but then they knocked me out with some sedative (btw, by that time my voice was gone too lol). Then i woke up in their mental hospital and was stayed there for a little less then a week, taking Olanzapine, clonazepam and Lithium(the only one i'm still taking, the other 2 are for if i can't sleep). I think my psychiatrist has been trying to explain to me that they caught both the episode and the disorder itself in their early stages, but she's very intimidating and never gives me a clear answer so it's really frustrating.
|
self.bipolar
|
Joined a pole dancing class and was super excited til I saw my high school bully also attends This girl. Oh man. Single source of every insecurity I have, constantly bullied me about my weight, my face, how I styled myself. I had a massive panic attack when I saw she was doing it but I've already signed up for a minimum of two months. I have no idea how to manage my anxiety when I see her! It's been 7 years and I'm still hung up about it. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Just need to tell my story WARNING: WALL OF TEXT.
Where do I even start?
Last year around this time, I went over to a friend's house (both of us male. I was a junior in high school and he was a senior) to study for a test. And by friend, I mean we were classmates and we really hadn't hanged out before then. So after about an hour of studying we just get to talking about random stuff and somehow we ended up holding hands. Also, he had a girlfriend of 5 years at the time. When we held hands, I kind of felt like butterflies in my stomach or whatever, just really warm. Over the next few days, we started to get close. We talked about literally everything. He felt like a best friend to me.
The next time I came over, the first thing I said was "Can we hold hands?" and he laughed and said sure. So that happened. And then over the next few days we got even closer. And shared more information with each other. I started to feel attracted and close to him. Eventually I told him that, explaining that I had feelings for him and didn't mean to have led him on or anything. And he told me he had feelings back.
So the next time I come over, I ask "Can we kiss? I know it's wrong and it would be cheating, but..." and he goes "I guess." And we kiss. For about 4 hours.
Repeat the more texting and getting closer
The next time I come over, we're kissing and cuddling and having a great time. I decided to spend the night. At about 1 in the morning, he goes "Can I put my hand down your pants?" and I say yes and it eventually turns into sex. Also, he still has a girlfriend of 5 years at the time this was happening. But he had shared before that he didn't know what he was sexually and he had told his girlfriend that he had no sexual attraction for her.
Anyway, he eventually breaks up with his girlfriend, but not just because of me. He told her about how college was coming up and he didn't think long distance was a good idea and that they are better off as friends anyway. So they break up and I ask him to be my boyfriend a few days later and he says yes.
Also, all of this so far happened over the course of about 3 weeks.
So me and him were officially dating as of January 4, 2017. He made me so happy. I literally saw a future with him. He was perfect to me. We happily dated for months. When it was summer time, he spent a lot of time with his graduated friends and we grew a little distant. I hanged out with my friends who were still in high school while he hanged out with his graduated friends before they all go their separate ways.
Fast forward to the end of July. Me and my boyfriend were still very much in love. We spent the night at eachother's houses most days of the week. But still a little distant because he hanged out with his friends. I don't know exactly what happened but I started to feel some kind of romantic feelings for one of my friends. I thought they would go away but they didn't. I confessed to that friend and he said he had a crush on me too. But I still dearly loved my boyfriend. So I tell him that I've been having feelings for this other guy and I don't know what to do. And it turns into a talk and we break up, after dating for 7 months. He actually said that he had been meaning to break up for a while because he was going to college and he would be 5 hours away. He said he couldn't do long distance and he didn't need a relationship as he was trying to adjust to college life.
So of course I cried that day but the next day I try and work things out with the guy I had a crush on. 4 days later he tells me "We should just be friends." Boom. 2 heartbreaks in a week.
So for the past 4 months, I've been crying and super sad over my first boyfriend. I want him more than anything. He's the love of my life. But wait... the story gets better.
3 days ago, he came to spend the day with me. We were still very good friends after the breakup. He told me (long before 3 days ago) that he had gotten over me in 3 weeks. I, however, have been struggling for 4 months. I had just started to feel a little better.
Anyways, he comes to spend the day with me, stuff happens, and it turns out that he has to spend the night at my house. I thought I would be fine with it. It's just my ex staying at my house, I can handle it. As we both go to sleep I have an uncontrollable urge to just hug him and cuddle the whole night. I literally felt sick to my stomach and couldn't sleep because I couldn't do anything. I eventually drift to sleep and in the middle of the night I woke up and went to cuddle him. And he cuddles me back.
I wake up at 7 and decide to hold his hand. While he is asleep. For 2 hours. When he woke up, I asked "Is it okay if I keep hugging you?" and he goes "I guess...". So I'm just awkwardly hugging him and I ask if I can kiss him, because I was feeling very confused. He says "I don't think that's a good idea, but if you want". And that turns into making out and sex. And right after we finished having sex, he left (but I know he had to leave at a certain time, and after sex, it happened to be that time).
So here I am now. Non-stop crying for the past few days. Not hungry at all. Feeling miserable. Wanting my boyfriend back more than anything in the world. Not sure what to even do. I texted him yesterday telling him all of my feelings and regrets and such and he replies with "Let me sit on this so I can come up with a response" and he hasn't replied since. Every second feels like forever and I'm drowning in my own feelings. What should I do?
|
self.depression
|
Uncontrolable anger... Things have been getting better for me as far as my sadness, but something else has come up. I'm irrationally angry about everything. I feel like hitting people when they tell a stupid joke. I feel like throwing something when people longer on pointless bullshit. I feel like yelling when people ramble about their stupid lives. I've never felt this way before. I've always been a kind, understanding person and now I feel like everything that's not about me is bullshit. I'm scared that I'm becoming a horrible person for absolutely no reason. What the hell is wrong with me?
|
self.depression
|
If you were would you want to live ? [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Need advice on how to open up How the hell am I supposed to tell my family about my suicidal thoughts so that I can get some help. I'm young so I need their financial support for therapy and all that but I just can't imagine telling them about my problems, especially since I would seem like a little bitch for complaining about this shit since I haven't had a hard life at all. Also things would probably never be the same if they knew I felt this way and I would feel awkward as hell with them knowing this. I feel like even a therapist would tell me to stop being a pussy if I were to opposite n up. Just need some advice.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
There is nothing I want to do, life is pain. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
What I would say to SuicideWatch I am not sure I will be able to post this because I am terrified of the prospect of being ignored, but here it goes.
I want to die. There is a gnawing at my heart and soul I cannot be rid of. Every day is pure agony and I barely have the strength to do what little I do. I am ashamed of myself. I feel so fucking sick and worthless and pathetic. Some say what I do is enough, but they still wonder when I am going to move on from this and propelling my life forward. I can't. I am a disappointment. They wait on someone greater than I am; someone who can never be.
I feel so guilty for feeling this way. Even writing to strangers on the internet in a forum dedicated to this specific kind of misery makes me feel like I am imposing an undue burden on the world. I am a waste of fucking life. Let me go...
A few nights ago, I awoke from a restless sleep and was immediately struck with this twisted sick in the pit of my stomach - much like I am every time I wake up. Only this time, it was so much worse. I hoped I would wear myself out crying and fall back to sleep, but I couldn't. I got up, dragged myself to the bathroom, and sat in the tub with a blade against my arm. I was never so close to ending it... never so sure I could just fucking do it and that I should. It was the only worthy way to not face the next day. All I had to do was go to work, but it was already too much. I couldn't face my obligations. I couldn't wear the cracked smile. I couldn't drive myself anywhere or even imagine leaving the house. I am too dead inside and too afraid. So what do I do? No one can or should accept me this way.
There was so much peace and freedom in imagining myself dead. I could just take my own life and the world wouldn't drain it from me anymore. I can't handle the struggle. The uncontrolled is an overwhelming force againt me. I can't carve my path. I'm crumbling with the thoughts that I cannnot save myself or be saved.
Sometimes I hate myself so much, I feel I desperately need to punish myself. The overwhelming force in the pit of my stomach is sometimes only driven away by an act of injury. My mind takes me to some dark and terrible places, some of which I can only separate from after imagining myself being repeatedly stabbed or beaten as a comfort. Often accompanying my deep anxiety is a break in my connection to reality, and every gushing wave leaves the real world less palatable. I feel like I have reached the outer fringes of sanity, and I am so very tired of fighting.
I have been self-harming regularly for a few months now, adding to my legacy of disgrace. I could live with the scars if others did not look at them and then turn away from me. I feel it. It rips apart my soul. What have I done? It's already so easy for people to turn away from me, so what was I fucking thinking?
Hours passed as I say in the bathroom and cried. I was so fucking knotted up inside yet empty at the same time, and it seemed inescapable. Even if it went away after hours, it would return. I could have killed myself. I really could have, and I'm afraid to tell anyone.
I cut myself, repeatedly, but with no intent to kill. The thought of the members of my household finding me was cruel and I folded. I drank nyquil until it made me sick, self-harmed again, and I slept into the afternoon, interrupted only by shooting stomach cramps painful enough to cut through the deep unconsciousness.
The rest of the day I spent alone. I shuffled around the house without purpose. I was groggy and my limbs were stiff. I was in such terrible shape, I actually felt a little sorry for myself and tried to be a little more gentle that day. I cancelled everything, ordered a pizza, watched a movie, and went to sleep.
The next moring, I awoke with the same agony. It hits me harder I realize how much I have slowed down, like I sunk even deeper into my depression. I can't fake the smile. I can't rush. I can't think straight at work, just increasing my uselessness. The pressing desire to die is even more intense. Did I do this to myself? Is this all my fucking fault? I feel even more worthless and stupid at times for prolonging my suffering.
I never meant to be such a waste. I never meant to burden anybody. Maybe I deserve it, but I just can't withstand the pain anymore. I'm sorry. It hurts so much. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not better. I hate myself so much. I'm so tired. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Increasing Zoloft dosage for the first time from 50mg to 75mg. How long do side effects last? I took 50mg before, went off it for years and am back on. The only side effects I ever had were nausea. I recently upped my dose to 75mg after talking to my doctor since the 50mg did not seem to be cutting it this time. Lately I seem to be a lot more tired and today I feel incredibly anxious. I am about a week into the new dose. How long does this normally last for? Is this something I will be experiencing for weeks or what?
|
self.Anxiety
|
My girlfriend told me she was pregnant this morning and I don’t know what to do. She told me a few hours ago before I left for work and I honestly don’t know what to do.
We’re both in our early twenties, live together, and have a great relationship, but we barely get by.
Every week we scrape by on the bare minimum and the thought of having another mouth to feed is such a heavy weight.
Don’t get me wrong, I love her, I’m in love with her, and I want to build a future with her, but I’m just scared and I have no idea what to do.
She’s thinking about keeping the baby, but we both know that we won’t be able to provide for it.
I’m so torn.
I want to be there for our child.
But I’m not ready.
|
self.offmychest
|
Mom has alz and im the primary caretaker I fucking hate you. In short.
I hate what has become of you and could go on and on and jesus christ I cant DO this anymore watching your mind ROT. im resigning, heres my two week fucking notice. fuck this.
|
self.offmychest
|
Titrating off Lexapro - any tips? **TL;DR**
This is the longest I’ve been on Lexapro, and I’ve finally hit tolerance to the max dosage my pdoc will prescribe. So, we decided to titrate off the med a week ago.
And, of course, titrating off this go-around is quite a bit worse.
Any supplements or techniques you guys know for making the slow titrating off less shitty?
**Full Story**
Hey all, I can only handle the SSRI Lexapro to help with bipolar depression, in combination with mood stabilizer.
I usually take Lexapro for 3-5 months, before my tolerance builds up enough to make it worthless. Then I titrate off it. Not too horrible during month titrating off. Usually barely notice the side effects.
After ~10 months, or more, off it ... tolerance usually goes away, and I can go back on Lexapro the next time I need it bad enough.
This time, due to moving and other unfun life events, I’ve been on it for about 8 months, most of the time at higher dose.
I’m using a sunlight I rigged up, take plenty of vitamin D, fish oil, etc.
Still really rough. Any tips?
|
self.bipolar
|
Your is NOT a horror movie In a way, the scene that is taking place in front of your eyes right now, is like a movie. Take a step back and watch it. And then remind yourself, that you are NOT watching a horror movie. You are watching a nice, light romantic comedy. Nothing bad is going to happen. And if it does, it's only to be resolved later in an amusing way.
And no matter what happens, like all movies, this one will end too. And it will have a happy ending. Always remember that. Now smile and enjoy this movie :)
|
self.Anxiety
|
29F, looking for a non-judgmental female friend between 25 and 35 to talk about suicide with. I'm not looking for anybody to talk me out of it or into it. After 17 years of suicidal ideation, depression, anxiety and overall sufferring, I'm considering my options. Leaning towards suicide by firearm but have no experience with those.
Please PM me if interested. Anyone who PMs asking me not to kill myself will be ignored.
|
self.depression
|
Lamictal And Seroquel If I start Lamictal, would it replace Seroquel as an antipsychotic for me, or would I take both? If it is replaced, would I have to stay at a hospital while I'm tapered off of it? Thanks.
|
self.bipolar
|
My experience on anxiety as a teenager any advice to being irrationally scared [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Everything ends, why start? Deep down, when I'm alone and honest, I know that there's nothing, no point, no meaning, no plan. I feel betrayed by the people smiling around me, and whatever gave me the notion that things work out. The times I actually feel comfortable are rare and delicate. Trying gets you nothing.
|
self.depression
|
Lost, confused, and finished The only thing stopping me from killing myself is the stigma that would surround my family for the rest of their lives after my death. I have no real passion in life, feel like I am headed nowhere, and ultimately feel entirely trapped by everyone that knows me and everyone around me. I only care for three people, one of whom is likely going to be gone from my life within the year and I will likely only seldom talk to. I cannot stand this life any longer, and I feel utterly lost and hopeless every single day. I want the torment to end, I want to be happy, and I want to feel the joy that thousands of those my age are feeling. Sadly, I feel as if I can't.
Thanks for reading my emotional regurgitation.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Invitation to complete an anonymous online research survey regarding mental health treatment preferences Hello, You are invited to complete a survey for a WMU psychology department research project designed to assess treatment preferences among adults seeking treatment for a variety of concerns. We hope to learn if and how preferences for treatment change over time, and if patient’s perception of their treatment’s match to their preferences is related to the benefit received from treatment. The survey is open to anyone ages 18 or older who is currently engaged in mental health treatment for at least one month and four therapy sessions, and not longer than one year. If you choose to participate, you will be asked to provide some demographic/background information, respond to survey items about your preferences for treatment and how they have changed over time, and about your quality of life. The survey may take between 30-40 minutes to complete. Your responses to the survey items will be anonymous and kept confidential. Clicking the “SURVEY” link below will take you to a page asking you to read through a consent form explaining the purpose of this research, the content of the survey, the type of questions you will be asked, the amount of time it may take to complete the survey, and the risks and benefits of your participation. At the end of the form you can click “AGREE” to consent to the use of the answers you provide and to begin completing the survey. Thank you for your time and interest.
https://wmichcas.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_afS6lEMGYYG0JjT
Project Title: Treatment preference, retention, and treatment outcome at a university-based outpatient psychology clinic Principle Investigator: Scott Gaynor, Ph.D. Student Investigator: Chelsea Sage-Germain If you have any questions prior to or during the study, you may contact Chelsea Sage-Germain, M.A. at Chelsea.e.sage@wmich.edu or (269) 387-4497 or Dr. Scott Gaynor at (269) 387-4482. You may also contact the Chair of Human Subjects Institutional Review Board at 269-387-8293 or the vice president for research at 269-387-8298 with any concerns that you have.
|
self.bipolar
|
Just looking for some tips to get through the next couple of weeks. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I feel so lonely I want to make new friends and hang out with others, but my anxiety just reminds me how awkward I am or how no one wants to hang out with me. I’ve tried going out to local things, but whenever I’m there I clam up and eventually leave without talking to anyone.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Just came home from a night out and saw the box of my things that my ex mailed over sitting on my kitchen table. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Has anybody watched their Credit Score go down and not be able to do anything about it? I literally have no money and because of legal trouble, student loans, rent, groceries..I literally can do nothing but watch my credit score drop. I have a guitar and orange amp for sale if anybody is interested..send a pm for pics and specs
|
self.depression
|
I'm a terrible person. On November 5th my Mom and sister were in a horrific car accident. My life has been completely turned upside down. We're on day 3 of this nightmare. Or 4. My days are blending. My sister walked away with minor injuries. My mom is on life support with a severe spinal injury. Things have been crazy hectic. I have a younger sister and I'm left to figure things out for her school wise and my dad is on medication and needs refills soon and my mom would usually handle those things so I'm trying to figure out all this shit. I'm making appointments for my sister who was discharged the other day who is at home. I'm constantly back and forth from home and hospital. A lot of things have had to be put on the back burner for my family. I understand this. I'm still a terrible person because I'm so so sad/angry that I won't be able to get my Nintendo Switch. I have the money and was planning on buying it Thursday. Now, I need to hold onto all the money I have because hospital food is expensive, gas and bills. I understand this but I'm just still so sad about it. I feel like the scum of the fucking earth.
Ugh. I'm just so tired. So scared of what tomorrow brings for my mom. I wish this wasn't happening.
|
self.offmychest
|
She's leaving in 2 weeks I met a girl at work in October. I was too afraid to ask her out until this past month. We've hung out since then and she admitted how badly she wished i asked her sooner, and told her mom she didn't want to move back home across the country (traveling nurse). We have had a few amazing nights of watching shows, sober or drinking, cuddling, kissing etc, admitting feelings (even admitting it feels like love but we don't know why).
I let it slip that i had opiate issues a few years ago and thats what went wrong with my last ex. She has been more distant lately and i haven't hung out with her in a week or so, barely texting now. She leaves in less than 2 weeks and i feel like i fucked everything up again.
Can't even stomach the thought of going in to work when she's gone, and i've barely been able to eat or sleep. I don't think ill be able to stay here after she is gone. The feeling of having scared her away is almost tangible, i can sense it. I thought i could be open. I've only spent 5 nights or so with her but having liked her and known she liked me for months feels like a dagger through the chest.
And 3 of my friends have relapsed lately. Winter is always so hard and this one feels like it'll be the worst. Hard to breathe, feels like im constantly on the come up of a panic attack but i can't take anything because of substance issues. I've been drinking a lot as well, its the only time i feel ok, when im numb. Im 24 and i feel like living to 30 is going to be impossible.
We saw a movie together 2 weeks ago and when i hugged her as i left i can't get that picture of her looking at me in eyes like she loved me out of mind, and its haunting me.
I've been off opiates for almost 3 years but everytime something goes wrong i feel like im withdrawling again, suffocating on all my issues, freezing cold, nauseous.
|
self.depression
|
I'm tired, I don't know if i can be fixed. I'm tired.. I'm tired to feel, feel like wanna go somewhere that no one know where is it.. I don't know if i can be fixed, i don't know if i can be better than this.. Im useless and im nothing, you may say that I'm an attention seeker but no, i'm not that kind of person. I've never tell anyone about what I feel, what i think or what i want.. til I found this app and I tell something here, because I'm so tired to feel. You may say that I'm over drama, but no! no! no!, this is what i really feel.. I think, Everyone will never understand me because everyone have never been in my shoes. But i know there must be someone who maybe more than this...
I've tried to be strong.. I've been strong for a few years but i think im tired now..Im the type of person that will sit in the bathroom and cry, but then walk out like nothing ever happened..
|
self.depression
|
Having really bad suicidal thoughts recently, never had them before though? [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
am i doing this to myself. why is this happening. i hate myself. i hate myself. i hate myself.
|
self.bipolar
|
I cannot bear the heat and bright lights. It's negatively affecting many areas of my life as I have to stay indoors unless it's overcast or rainy- and it rarely is. I don't know what to do at this point. I'm wasting away my youth I do see a therapist. I am diagnosed with depression, anxiety, OCPD, ADHD, and BPD. There's a lot of body dysmorphia reasons why I don't like being in bright lights. My therapist isn't understanding and I feel like he isn't experienced in this area at all, but I don't know where to look for help when even a professional can't determine what's wrong with me.
I skip school regularly because of this, I try to work part-time night shifts because at least it gives me an income and I can walk back home at night, which I enjoy doing a lot. I don't have any local friends either so it's very isolating and I have no motivation to actually go outside unless there's someone waiting up on me, but there never is.
|
self.offmychest
|
I want you, yet I don't want you to be mine... [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
People don’t even care when you tell them you want to die I’ve tried, I really have.
My mom brushed it off
My fiance felt awful about it but the next morning acted like it never happened and never brought it up again.
The counseling office stopped calling after I missed one of their calls.
What’s the point of reaching out if the goal is just to shut you up about it? It’s not like anybody follows through.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
An Open Letter to Hollywood (it's not about what you think): Dear Hollywood Directors and Agents;
You’re doing it wrong. You, Mr. Big Shot, sitting in the very back of the sound stage shrouded in people carefully monitoring the camera angles and mumbling commands to your subordinates. I don’t mean that though, I mean your casting decisions. You’re doing it wrong. You, who fill your speaking roles with relatives of politicians, offspring of fellow directors, and decedents of actors who have come before. You, Miss Big Time Agent, with your chai tea in one hand and an iPhone X in the other, who has the power to place actors in front of major network casting personnel and feature length film directors, who takes the path of least resistance in "scouting" talent. You, who refuses to take appointments from an aspiring actor you "don’t know" or open unsolicited submissions, but instead choose to fill your roster with friends of friends, neighbors and anyone else who happens to fall into your lap. You, who declines invitations to showcases and doesn’t attend community theater to see what all of the unconnected actors, those of us who pursued acting instead of having it handed to us, are up to. You, who are spoiled for choice and therefore settle.
You may have guessed by now, something that I deliberately omitted from my opening line for fear that it would be the last one read, I am an actor. I won’t bother to introduce myself to you, because you don’t know me. I take classes every chance I get. I perform for free in showcases and in amateur productions. I spend hours alone in my studio apartment studying the craft of acting, watching the greatest actors who ever lived perform masterfully in your grandfather's films. I’ve worked as an extra, being stepped over and mistreated by your staff till all hours of the night and into the morning for minimum wage just so I could be close to the magic. For years I’ve persisted in an industry that has preyed upon my dream, filled with people who take advantage at every turn. I’ve paid to be in plays (in the form of buying a certain number of tickets to the show as a prerequisite for being in it,) just for the practice of being on stage. Performing is my calling and my passion; not something that I stumbled into and certainly not something that was handed to me. But my dad wasn’t your college roommate. You’re not my uncle. Or my neighbor. My grandmother wasn’t in your dad’s biggest blockbuster 50 years ago. So you don’t know me.
In my tireless efforts to get an agent, I’ve read too many stories about actors who met their agents through a connection that existed independent of their pursuit of acting; (In other words, they did not meet this connection at an acting class or in a play.) Without fail, those who became paid working actors through connections are condescending and out of touch with reality, advising aspiring actors to not be too aggressive in pursuing an agent and scoffing at those of us who "pay to play". But we have no choices, how else will we gain experience (not that it matters) and exposure (not that it works)? Most importantly, how else can we have the pleasure of touching the elusive center stage?
You’re filling your movies and TV shows with people who have no grasp of pain, struggle, reality and the human experience. You’re then asking them to convey emotions that they’ve never felt. You’re missing out on the truth of acting. You’re depriving your audience of a chance to be moved by a performance, because the kid next door thinks it looks like fun to be in the movies, he'll get to miss school and maybe even get to meet JLaw, and your niece doesn’t know what else to do after college.
I speak for all aspiring actors who you decline to meet when I say that we went to public school and we have worked full-time regular jobs side-by-side with your target viewing audience. We can emulate them convincingly. We have been saturated in this thing we call the human experience which is the source of all realistic acting. We have been habitual people-watchers for years and those observations are the most valuable tools we can utilize to access that evasive part of the human soul that so many roles call for. In addition to formal training, we have real life experience to draw upon, which is unteachable. As an added bonus, we would appreciate a fair wage, not hold up production with unreasonable demands, and never take a single day on set for granted.
Am I suggesting that you hold open calls? No! (Seriously please don’t do that.) I am suggesting that you go to amateur productions (that don’t pay you to show up and don’t charge the talent to perform,) go to community theater and school plays, scour Youtube to see who has posted their demo reel, see the actors who love it. I know you don’t have to take these measures to find actors, but you might to find talent. Even if you don’t have to, do it anyway. Do it because you might not find what you were looking for, but you might find something you didn’t know you were looking for. Get out of "the bubble" that is Hollywood, Malibu, the Hamptons, and pluck your actors from obscurity. I guarantee they will bring something to the table that your target audience will relate to, identify with, be touched by, and other grammatically incorrect sentence fragments that end with prepositions. But if you want to keep working with actors whose egos are bigger than their talent and who have nothing in common with your audience, then keep doing what you’re doing. Keep dipping your pen in the shallow ink of family ties and friend connections. But you’re doing it wrong.
|
self.offmychest
|
I want to change my major a second time and i am afraid to tell my parents and friends Hey reddit,
I think this is gonna be a wall of text (i hope not), but i try my best to keep it short, also, let me apologize for my english, i am not a native one and i will do some mistakes.
Basically my Problem is, that i feel like everything i do OR try to do is leeds to failure. Last year i started University fresh out of
school with Computer Science. Well it was okay, the thing that annoyed me the most, was the fact that i needed to travel with the train and bus 1,5h to uni and back home (and the trains and busses arent consistent here which lead to real anger sometimes).
I quit this major after 2 semester, it wasnt for me, too theorethical, too abstract. So i needed a new major to start with and i got into material science now, (quick note: here in germany you have BAFÖG, which means that the state gives u money for studying 6semesters long, i basically lost 2 semester already) and i feel like it dont want to do it, its not hard, not really i can manage to do all the homework in math, physics and programming fearly easy and well (well to this point, i am 2 months in it now). Chemie gives me a hard time cause i didnt have it in my school for the last 3 years to learn all that stuff. i also live now in the near of the university, i need 20min with the cylce to the campius.
Also, a guy who graduated with this degree, said, that the job market for material scientest is bad and you will work for less than you should.
I am afraid, i am afraid if this whole major isnt really worth it too focus and put my time on. University as a whole is not "fun" for me (partying and other social stuff) cause i am unattractive, which i already accepted i just focus on my future tho.
Even if i continue with material science and get another 2 semsters of bafög and want to change major a second time, i wont get any money from bafög anymore. The only oppurtunity would be to quit now and start a job until next year to pay the monthy bills and then start with the new degree and get bafög again.
The new degree i want to focus on is electrical engineering cause the job market is way bigger, better and more rewarding than material science where you need a PhD to even have a chance (and i am not smart enough for that).
I seriously dont know what to do know, i just want a safe good job in my future and i feel like if i change AGAIN people will assume i am a dumb fuck and my parents wouldnt be proud either, it was fucking hard to convince them the first time, but how do i do it the second time tho? i am screwed.
I am 20 now, next year if i start EE i am 21 which is pretty old to start universtiy the second time. I seriously dont know what to do, i could quit now, find a a job to pay the bills and wait until next year to start the new major+bafög but i dont know how to tell my strict parents and i am afraid of how people will think of me.
|
self.offmychest
|
I seriously can no longer trust my sister to shop for groceries anymore [removed]
|
self.depression
|
DAE try to constantly use accomplishments to prove your worth/intelligence? I try to prove to myself and others I’m intelligent because I had a 4.0 throughout school and got almost 1600 on the SAT; but I guess I’m feeling kind of shitty now because I keep seeing videos and articles about how grades and tests don’t actually mean anything special.
I don’t know, I was a little proud of that. Have to think of some other reason I’m not actually stupid now... it’s an unrealistic thing, I know, but it’s how I feel. 😓
PS: I by no means want to insinuate people with poor grades aren’t as intelligent. I know plenty of intelligent people who had bad grades. I realize largely social life & extracurriculars can bring down study time and everything. I didn’t do much of that, plus my learning style matches well with how we teach, usually.
I just felt good about my grades originally. -shrug-
|
self.bipolar
|
Vitamin D I just started taking a vitamin D supplement a couple of days ago.
I feel like I’m already feeling some effects (being able to focus a little more due to not being as lethargic) but that all could definitely just be in my head and my way of trying to make myself better quickly.
Long story short is I’m pregnant and had to come off of the Celexa I was on once I hit third trimester. I don’t really want to try another medication because I KNOW Celexa works, and I’ll be getting back on it as soon as baby arrives.
My questions?
What are some other temporary things I can do to tame this depression? That maybe can turn into long term treatments.
And what all does vitamin D actually do for depression? Anyone else taking it to help their depression? Any results?
|
self.depression
|
no one has responded to me its ok. i'm deciding on method. i don't want to do anything too destructive or too messy.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
How do you deal with how costly mental health care is? [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Drowning Lately I've been drowning and can't seem to swim my way back above the water. One thing after another keeps pulling me down and I'm so close to the bottom I really don't know if I'll make it out alive.
|
self.depression
|
I'm really pissed off because of what my friend said [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My biggest fear is that my anxiety will always keep me in my "safe zone" causing me to live a life of mediocrity that I will one day really regret. Currently trying to tackle this issue but its my biggest challenge.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Best friend of 11 years arrested for grooming a 12 year old girl As title says my best mate (20)was having sex with a 12 year old over the course of a year .
It's disgusting and wrong and I don't want anything to do with him ...but at the same time I want to make sure he's at least okay and doesn't resort to killing himself or anything stupid. Of course I'd never be friends with him again but I feel compelled to help him.
He's look at minimum 6 years and I have no idea what to do all his friends and girlfriend have turned their back on him and the whole situation has me pretty upset and shocked.
I know how he feels being alone and the fact that I can relate kind of to what he's feeling is what's making me question myself on whether to help or leave him
Any advice would be great thanks
|
self.offmychest
|
Was this a panic attack? I was at work, I work at a sandwich shop. Ive been very stressed out lately, and finals week just ended. It was a difficult morning as I was also handling relationship struggles, and was very behind in time-presured work...
Later in the day I was preparing a sandwich when suddenly I noticed my chest really hurt, I was dizzy, shaking, and felt like I was about to pass out. The feelings lasted about 45min total, with a really difficult 20mins of that... was this a panic attack?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Is it too soon? My ex broke up with me a couple of weeks ago because he wasn’t really feeling our relationship anymore. We were together for four months and honestly it left me a little bit devastated but we were most of the time long distance so not a lot changed. However, I️ met this other guy who is SUPER into me (like he’s already bought us tickets to see a broadway show soon) and I️ am into him too, but I find myself still missing my ex.
I️ have a feeling that on our next date this new guy is going to ask me to be his girlfriend. I️ don’t want to say no because I️ do see myself with him in the future, but my heart sometimes hurts from my ex still (but I’m doing much better day in and out). Although I’m recovering faster than I️ thought I️ would, I’m having trouble deciding if this is the best move for me.
Any advice?
|
self.offmychest
|
First visit to GP made me feel like I’m overreacting I just need to vent and get some advice here.
I’ve been anxious for years now. I’ve always thought it was just a phase but it seems to have gotten progressively worse over time. The night before I booked an appointment to see a GP, I was lying in bed having terrible heart palpatations and bad stomachache for no reason at all. That was a shitty day for me at Uni because we were put in groups and I couldn’t speak. By the time I try to muster up the courage to contribute, they have already moved on. I felt terrible so I started sobbing as soon as I got home. I tend to get flustered when tutors at Uni come over to look at my work and I always end up seeming like I don’t know anything. I just work better at home and on my own.
I also have issues with making decisions. I take hours to decide what to eat and I would always plan what I would in advance and get extremely anxious if things don’t go according to plan. I worry about everything and I can get anxious for no reason at all. Going to crowded places on my own makes me dizzy and my vision would start to get blurry. I hardly ever go out on days that I don’t have uni. I would just sleep a lot to stop feeling anxious.
When I was living with people I would stand behind the door and wait for it to be quiet before I step out of my room. It makes me so anxious to have to talk to people. It didn’t help that one of them would play loud music all day so I would put in my headphones and go to sleep until he has stopped. I was so anxious and depressed that semester, it really affected my grades.
Anyway, today was my first time seeing someone for help about my anxiety and I did not know what to expect at all. I made it through explaining how I’m feeling and how anxiety is affecting my life without crying but I almost burst into tears when the GP simply told me to see a counsellor for this. He said that I should have told the person to not have his music on so loud. I was like I get anxious just talking to people so obviously it’s hard for me to do that. There was no empathy or sympathy. He said it’s most likely a personality issue.
Now I’m unsure if my problem is really as serious as I thought it was. I don’t know if I should go for counselling because I don’t think it would help. Correct me if I’m wrong but I think being put on medication would be the best solution at the moment. I don’t mind having a quick short term solution.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Hesitation I've had the means to kill myself for a while now. I've even done a few test-runs with it to see what it feels like... wrapping a belt around my neck and tugging. But I can't bring myself to complete the act :(
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Do anti-depressants stop or block that post-workout “feel good” feeling? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Finally I’m going to cut everyone off, I don’t think I can be happy otherwise. Maybe then I can learn to be alone or kill myself idc which.
|
self.depression
|
Service animals for bipolar? Are there service animals that will alert for the highs and lows?
When i am high i will blackberry blabber on endlessly with not filter. In the lows all i can see are ways to kms. I was thinking last night it would be great if i had some way to be cued or prompted. My thought would be a shoulder cat that could nip or bite my ears or neck to prompt me.
|
self.bipolar
|
I have epilepsy and I’m tired of waiting for things to get better [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm starting my first bipolar meds tomorrow! I'm super excited. I'm in a partial hospitalization program and I'm starting my first antipsychotic. I'm taking a really low dose of Abilify. Does anyone have experience with it? I'm worried about gaining weight, but even more excited about getting this under control. Cheers!
|
self.bipolar
|
Fucking liars Anyone who says they didn't see this coming are fucking liars. I've hinted, I've said it. Shit I fucking told him I wanted to fucking do it. And then I spent the whole fucking evening catering to him. But my mom.... my coworkers... my friends... they will all focus on the part where I decided to follow up with "I'm fine". Because that is SO MUCH FUCKING EASIER TO BELIEVE BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BELIEVE IT. Yes. You saw the signs, that's why you asked. Yes you saw me hurting, that's why you posted ((hugs)). Yes you knew I was considering it because I fucking said I was. Bullshit you didn't see it. Bullshit you wish you could have done something. I gave you the fucking chances. MANY. Several the past 24 hours, many more for years. And him... he knows... but it's not about me. It's about him.. oh, so he fucking puts his hand on my shoulder and says "I'm sorry you're going through these feelings" and then right back to himself. It's always about him when he constantly tells me it's always about me. Yeah... well no worries mate. Nothing will be about me ever again.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.