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How long do your mixed episodes / dysphoric hypo/manias tend to last?
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self.bipolar
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I'm in love with someone else I'm 22F and have been with my current boyfriend (34M) for 2+ years. About 6 months into our relationship I started a new job and made friends very quickly with one of my coworkers, let's call him John (45M now). John and I were always joking around and we would often work in the same areas of the building, so we got to know each other pretty well. Everything was super platonic for a long time, but after a while I noticed John being a little more flirtatious and exhibit some feelings toward me. We got along so well that I had some minor feelings too but I chalked it up to a little workplace crush - I was very much in love with my boyfriend and had no desire to leave him for John or anything like that. Not too long after I left that job for a new one, and then a new one, and then my boyfriend and I decided to move to another state entirely, relatively far away. John and I kept in touch and John even met and hung out with my boyfriend a couple times - we were speaking sporadically but relatively often and for short amounts of time. Things with my current boyfriend began getting a little difficult but we talked and decided to try and fix what we had now that we had invested so much time and emotion and love into each other.
About a month ago I went back to my hometown for a visit with my family alone - my boyfriend had to work so he couldn't come. I paid a visit to my old workplace and ran into John, who seemed ecstatic to see me. He asked if I wanted to hang out after he was out and I said yes. We went over to his place where he lived with a couple other coworkers there, in the basement unit. We were hanging out on the couch watching a comedy special and I was playing with his cat jokingly trying to kiss it and complaining it wouldn't kiss me. John responded by asking if he could kiss me. We were baked so I thought he was joking at first and then realized he was serious. I kinda stammered a bit and he apologized and took it back and we went back to having a good time and I realized - I was kind of in love with this guy. I had repressed all those feelings and forgotten about all the times I thought about him and it made me happy. I realized I did want to kiss him, but I didn't ask or bring it back up. We wound up in deep conversation, he was playing with my hair and we were sitting close to each other. I started fading out and he was tired too so we went to bed - the same bed. We didn't touch, just fell asleep next to each other. But we woke up facing each other kind of nuzzled together. We spent a little time just chatting in bed and he said he needed to call me an uber home because he had a busy day ahead of him. He called the cab and we waited outside for it mostly in silence, when it rolled up to the curb I said goodbye and gave him a really long hug - but as I went to pull away and get in the car he pulled me in and kissed me. It was the first kiss I've had in a while that felt like pure fucking bliss. He let me go and I went to get in the car and he pulled me in for a very quick second one, put me in the car, and closed the door behind me.
we texted that night about our feelings for each other, and I cried as my plane took off because I desperately wanted to see him again, but knew I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off him if I did.
I've just been thinking about him constantly, but at the same time I know a relationship between us likely wouldn't work out. He's over 20 years older than me - his child is my age, and he has a three year old grandchild. we are on completely separate planes of existence but god dammit he's an amazing man and it made me realize that I'm not super happy in my current relationship although I do still love my boyfriend. We don't have much sex anymore, all we do is sit around the house, sometimes he feels more like a roommate than anything - and I can't really afford to make it better or more exciting because he's currently unemployed and we're always strapped for cash. Sometimes he feels more like a liability than an adult that's putting in equal weight. And I found out somewhat recently that he was cheating on me - although I forgave him for that and gave him a chance to prove himself, which he did, I still can't put it entirely out of my mind.
I don't know what to do. I'm caught between three choices - make my current relationship work, leave my current one and be with John, or just be single and try to take care of just me for a while and see what happens. I want all of those things equally and I just don't know what to do :(
I'm open to advice as long as it's judgement free
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self.offmychest
|
I'm disappointed with everything That includes myself, by the way. I'm disappointed in myself at least as much as I am in other people, because I've consistently failed at every major goal I've set over the years. I'm 26, and I'm living on disability because of my depression. I'm a relatively healthy young man and quite often I can barely leave my room. But, I'm not here to talk about how much I dislike myself. You see, I actively dislike the world. The world that we've collectively built as human beings is horrifying to me, and I don't like the fact that I have to participate in it. And the fact that "the world" is financially supporting me while I say this, just adds a nice veneer of genuine hypocrisy to everything I'm saying here. But it doesn't change how I feel. I used to be able to work, but now I can't because of my anxiety and depression. But even when I was working, I genuinely hated every moment of it not just because of my anxiety, but also because I disliked everything it represented. I was contributing to a system I have little respect for. I'd go into details but I don't want to get political here. My ideology, worldview, and personality are completely antithetical to this society. I disagree with virtually everyone I know, both online AND offline, on the most fundamental things. And no, I'm not suggesting that this is because I'm "smarter" than anyone else, it's just that I see the world in a different way. I could be wrong about everything, who knows. But the fact is I'm completely alone because I have virtually nothing in common with the vast majority of people, aside from the facts that I breathe air and have a heartbeat. I'm a fundamentally lonely person, and I don't think it's even possible for that to change. The only person I've ever really connected with is my therapist, but I suspect that's because it's her job to connect with her clients. Oh well. It could also be that I'm just a generally unpleasant person to be around. I don't think that's the case, but it could very well be true because I'm an "unreliable narrator," even to myself. It could just be that I'm a bitter man with a bitter sense of humor and a bitter disposition. I used to have high hopes generally, when I was really young. But that's all gone now. I'll never get that back, and the sense of loss I feel about that is actually pretty overwhelming. I wish I still had hope of some kind, but deep down I know that I will eventually die a sad and lonely man. I don't really know what the "goal" of this post is. Thinking about it, there's only one thing I really want right now and that's someone to talk to. But if no one wants to talk that's perfectly fine too. I know that talking to me is draining for people. I'm alone in the world and I wish I wasn't. There, that's my thesis. I hope reading this hasn't bored or depressed you, and I hope I haven't made myself sound like a fool. Either way, thank you for reading this, and please feel free to respond in any way, whether positive or negative.
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self.depression
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Yesterday I did okay :) I recently joined my university's rugby team and we kicked Stanford's ass yesterday. It was my first game and while I didn't score I made a solid tackle and stopped the other teams winger from scoring a try. My coach said I did well for a rookie (im the least experienced on the team) and the other guys said they were pleasantly surprised.
I just wanted to share some uplifting news. I've been in a weird depressive bout for almost three months and stuff like this helps.
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self.depression
|
What medications work best for your anxiety? Hello! I was diagnosed with GAD around july 2017 and have been on 2 medications since. Initially I was taking 300mg of gabapentin a day which had caused me a great deal of side effects including memory loss, so after weening off of gabapentin I began taking 10mg twice a day of buspirone. Now I am starting to experience unpleasant tinnitus and drowsiness as a side effect of buspirone and am thinking of changing my medication again. What medications are you all currently on (if any) and how would you say those medication effect you?
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self.Anxiety
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I have nightmares where I wake up screaming regularly Has anyone else experience this? I used to get night terrors a lot, I started to notice it really only happened when I would fall asleep on my back. The night terrors started ending in me waking up screaming and then it was more of a nightmare. Basically, it's always the same - there is someone in the room, but they just look like a silhouette. They are usually standing right above my bed just looking at me (in these "dreams", similar to a night terror, everything is super realistic so it just looks like my room). I don't even know if my eyes are open or closed while all this is happening. My boyfriend and I live together and we both noticed that it never happened when he was lying next to me. Always if he went to bed later than me or something. We thought it was kind of sweet that it never happened with him but then last night it did. He said I was facing the wall (our bed is right up against the wall) and screaming. I remember starting to hyperventilate right before falling asleep, too.
So, anyone else? Or am I just crazy? Any insights on to why this is happening? It's always really terrifying and I want it to stop.
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self.Anxiety
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The hell am I to do being cynic with anxiety? If you ask me this feels like a pretty shitty hand to be dealt in terms of personsality. Seeing as I view that an outcome with most likely end badly almost all the time but just keep it to myself for the most part. Reaaaaaaaaaaaaally doesn't help that I am an ass hole so trying to get help is pretty impossible. =_=
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self.Anxiety
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I need advice about anxiety medication. I am a 22 year old, 230 pound male. I just got prescribed 10mg of lexapro daily about an hour ago.
My anxiety symptoms include a constant feeling that something is wrong, irritability, racing thoughts, lack of motivation, panic attacks (rarely), indecisiveness, loss in appetite, overthinking, etc.
I am terrified to start taking it after reviewing some of your guys's experiences with the first few days being horrific. I do not have particularly bad anxiety at the moment, and I'm scared if I start taking my medication for the first time I will regret it.
People who have taken lexapro, what is your experience with the drug?
Any recommendations for going into something like this for the first time?
Appreciate you beautiful people!
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self.Anxiety
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I’ve been doing so much better recently, and felt like I kicked my depression to the curb. I was good for like a month but now I’m just a little lethargic; what’s going on? So for the past 2 months I was doing better, SO much better, mentally after battling depression for a year. And about a month ago I took acid and I feel like it just potentiated me even further away and felt like that also changed my life. Today I just felt lethargic and kinda the same as I did a year ago. Is it normal to have weird depressed days for absolutely no reason? I’m not on any meds anymore, I just got my first job, and have been very honest with people about my insecurities and shit. I’m just afraid that since today I felt lethargic and felt like I didn’t have a purpose, I’m gonna go back on a downward spiral. am I just overreacting because I’m so fucking scared of going back to the same place I was in a year ago where I wanted to kill myself all the time. Does anybody else who has been able to control depression better have these shitty days, and do they come and go? I’ve found that I’ve been able to manage it better through thinking more positive thoughts and to not take life for granted. But today it was hard to convince myself that. anybody else get this
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self.depression
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I honestly can't find any reason to keep waking up in the mornings I Was with my therapist the other day and they asked me what gets me up in the morning, what gets me to wake up, get out'a bed and go about my day.
It took me a while to come up with a reason, and contradictory to my title, I found one. I simply said "The next Joint."
That's right. I'm miserable when I'm sober-- often in a state of complete neutrality. If I do feel any strong emotions when I'm sober, it's only ever anger or sadness or frustration, not happiness. The only time I seem to be happy or enjoying myself is when I'm high or drunk or any other kinds of inebriation.
And, honestly, thats just how life is. the world sucks. People suck. Humanity fucking sucks. Animals suck, everything just sucks. I hate everything, and even the things I should love I can really only muster tolerance for them, and NOT affection.
Everyone tells me "It will get better!" but what if it doesn't? What if, this is my life for the rest of my life? A state of complete misery and lack of motivation. Furthermore, a lack of purpose.
Life is such a joke. You're forced into this world without your choosing then you're forced to live with all of the stress, bullshit, and competition that life brings upon itself. Fuck it all. I don't want to live anymore.
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self.depression
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I just now came to the realization that I have nothing left [deleted]
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self.depression
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What would you do if the one medication that saved your life gave you a debilitating illness? Lamictal is the only thing that has ever helped me. Lamictal saved me. I have been on everything under the sun and I owe my life to lamictal helping me.
But it also gave me a recurring, disabling fever condition. I get recurring fevers once a month around 101-104 degrees, they last 2 weeks, and my only symptoms are cold sweats, chills, and really awful flu-like aches. This condition leaves me housebound half of my life because its like having the flu constantly. I have done extensive testing for this through a rheumatologist.
My periodic fever syndrome started after starting lamictal 3.5 years ago. It started exactly a month in as I titrated up the dose. I am 99.9% sure it's tied to the medication, and my rheumatologist thinks that's very likely. I've had 6 attempts of getting off lamictal, and I absolutely cant and possibly never will be able to get off of it, so I'm stuck. It helps me too much, so I end up suicidal lowering my dose. Rheumatologist started treating me for the fever syndrome anyway in case treating the inflammation would help, but I've only had a slight reduction in symptoms. Psychiatrist says there's really nothing else for me to switch to with my history of everything I've tried, and it's down to either getting off or finding a way to treat my fevers. (I take lithium as well, but it doesn't help depression like lamictal does)
Apparently 5% of people who take lamictal have periodic fevers as a symptom, and even lamictal-induced lupus is a thing which is terrifying. I don't know where to go from here. :/
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self.bipolar
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I hate taking antidepressants. I feel like the happiness they bring is artificial and isn’t the real me. I feel like there is no point. [deleted]
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self.depression
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TFW You want to seek professional help but calling to schedule an appointment gives you anxiety.
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self.Anxiety
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I deeply resent people with mental illness, despite being diagnosed myself. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Im in a relationship I don't think I want anymore [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I never should have been born and am just a waste of space. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Success or hypomania? Regardless things are FINALLY looking up. Today my psychiatrist released me! She saved my life several times and I saw her for 5 years but now I'm moving across the country and will need to find someone new. I thought she was going to change my medicine but she said I seemed too stable to make any changes with the move coming up and her not being able to observe me face to face anymore. Wow that felt good to not *need* to add another Med. She emphasized my progress and that I should find a doctor in my new area within the next three months but that she considered our time together a success because I became more and more stable as time went on. I walked out of that appointment on air.
Feeling great. Feeling GREAT. Walked right into a tattoo parlor and spontaneously got another piercing. Next door was a record store so I spent 100$ on vinyl. I'm hoping I'm just treating myself instead of ramping up to hypomania.
I finally graduated college in December after a whole year of stability and things are truly looking up for me for the first time since 2011. Just wanted to stop in to brag a little bit (sorry) but mostly remind you beautiful humans that stability and success are possible! Just keep trucking! I'm so glad I didn't give up and end my life before the good part started. Love and light to all of you. Thanks for your support along the way I love this community.
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self.bipolar
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does anyone else feel nauseous and/or gag when feeling the peak of anxiety and nervousness? hi everyone, so i am going on an admissions interview in a few days and from experience with important dates, i've always struggled with gagging/feeling nauseated or puking when i am nervous. does anyone feel this way as well, and how do you cope with it?
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self.Anxiety
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On academic probation - having trouble sleeping Not sure if this is the right place to post. Anyways I was going through some tough times as well as a job that made me work 30 hours a week last semester and my grades took a fall. I’m planning to take this semester very seriously. So seriously that I’ve already studied ahead of my classes by pulling unnecessary all nighters just because I’ve been so stressed about falling behind and getting kicked out of school.
All I can think about is getting kicked out of school and this makes me awake and study rather than sleep when I should be sleeping. But I still need my sleep I’m just not able to get it anymore. Really anxious and constantly stressing out from not only school anymore but my lack of sleep. Ugh I just want to be able to have a normal sleeping schedule...
Any advice?
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self.Anxiety
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Shortness of breath and can deep breathing make things worse? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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She walked out on me We were having fun. It usually takes a few dates before I could get a girl like her in bed but she jumped right in bed with me without any effort. Her body was amazing and I told her how lucky I was to get with her. Then after she started to act all weird and call it quits. What? Apparently Its not enough for her and she went back to chasing relationships. I even apologized but whatever good-luck with that.
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self.offmychest
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Scared Does anyone know the chances of a 19m having throat cancer or cancer of the osophogous? I have really bad reflux and I'm getting so scared I've just started taking my omeprazole again so hopefully they will kick in
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self.Anxiety
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Thinking Death Is My Only Option Basically, I'm a total fuck up & nothing can fix me. I'm finding it hard to have a reason to keep going because my existence is useless.
I'm transgender (MtF) but can't do anything about it. I can't get a gender therapist or psychiatrist that will deal with me due to my other problems below, not to mention problems with my physical health.
I'm a little/middle as well, meaning I want to be/act like a child & I feel this constantly. Yes, I do really believe this is delusional. My emotional, mental & sexual development are stunted from childhood. And because of this, seeing myself as a woman is hard, I just want to be the girl who I feel is on the inside.
Sexually, I'm very damaged. I've not hurt anyone & I'm not going to. I'd rather commit suicide than put anyone through that shit. I know what it's like to be in that position. So, I can control myself (and have for over 18 years since being aware of it) however I voluntarily chemically castrated myself over a year ago in hope that would get rid of all my sexual feelings completely. It has reduced it but not killed it like the magic bullet I was hoping for. And I'm on a high dose. Soon I'll find out if it's possible for me to get an orchiectomy & if I could afford it. That's how much I hate myself.
I see a clinical psychologist who knows the lot about me but is unable to help & feels overwhelmed. My doctor too is at a loss as to how to help & basically said me she had to stop feeling sorry me. Which I'm not looking for, I'm frustrated & at a loss of what to do. And it’s not like I haven’t tried.
I've looked at hobbies to distract myself & to give me purpose (worked & volunteered too). I've posted on forums to find out what others think/have done. Been to government run & private medical professionals. I've thought about just dealing with 1 issue at a time but they're all interlinked. I've done almost everything medically I can do but I get no peace from it all.
I acknowledge I'll never have a girlfriend, kids, my own place, the typical lifestyle most people enjoy but I also can't keep on going thru life without a purpose. I feel like the biggest piece of shit right now & that suicide is really the only option I have.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I keep misinterpreting reality? rational or irrational? Yesterday after I was training, I went and ate and sat down outside to look at the ocean. Earlier that day I had already seen a military flight of some sort and one before that a few days earlier. Then I thought I saw a tank on a ship moving up and down the shore and got kinda scared because I looked suspicious and thouhgt it would shoot me down. A few minutes later It turned it such a way there was no question about it being a boat. I kind of calmed down but I had already begun thinking about a war beginning soon so I was a bit on edge. Then I saw this dude in a black car looking at me suspiciously and had to look back to see if he tailed us home or something. He didn't, which made me calm down a bit. Later that evening I was going to the museum and I saw something humanoidish walking in mom's shadow but it was in the corner of my eye and probably because of some shadow or something. at the museum i thought someone pulled out a gun but after a bit i saw it was a phone but it freaked me out and idk is this normal or? I feel like my fears were rational but are they? i mean i interpreted my surroundings off but my reaction was appropriate? right now i don't feel that but idk what that was. today has been a really good day. life's good, but it was kind of stressing yesterday. idk why i'm okay but is this unusual or does actually just normal? idk man. i live in norway and nothing really happens here so???
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self.bipolar
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Just got off the phone with Psychiatrist and he wants me to go on lithium. I don’t think that’s right for me. I just got out of an appointment with my Psychiatrist and after telling him that I was in a bit of a hypomanic period he did a 180 on me and wants to put me on lithium. I have been on Lamictal for a few weeks and it’s been working well I feel. Despite my protests he pushed the lithium pretty hard. I managed to get myself out of being put on another atypical antipsychotics (I fucking hate writing that). But caved on the lithium. This feels like the nuclear option for something pretty minor.
I’ve been scared to take lithium since I started reading about it as this isn’t the first time he suggested it. He’s been suggesting it on and off since I started seeing him. I have some pretty significant body image issues and and eating disorder. When I was on abilify the weight gain made my bulimia worse. On top of the constant monitoring I am scared to go through another period of weight gain and worsening my eating disorder. Moreover, I do not want to deal with the sexual disfunction that also might result. When I was on an SSRI I went through that and it was a major factor in losing my ex.
Every fiber of my being is telling me this is a bad idea. This doesn’t seem like the right solution for me. I think I need to find a new doctor. Damn me for caving and not fighting harder for myself.
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self.bipolar
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Does anyone else feel this way? So, I'm medicated but not in therapy, and this is more a collection of thoughts than a coherent chain, but it's something I've been thinking about often of late. Anyway, here we go.
 
I want to be neurotypical. It sucks there's no cure for depression, you know? And that NT people have no fucking frame of reference talking about depression, like I have no frame of reference talking to someone with bipolar, which brings me to my next point.
 
Depression isn't "really sad," you can't even fucking be sad when you're depressed. You can't enjoy the things you used to enjoy. For me, depression has always been this suffocating apathy, and "feeling" isn't an option. I'm not crying because I'm sad, I'm crying because I'm feeling nothing, and it feels pointless.
 
I want to be a whole person. I'm not motivated. There's nothing I really want from life.
 
"I took the medicine, but the pills don't work, the pills they don't do anything, but rearrange all the littlest things." This is a lyric by the band Streetlight Manifesto. Like I mentioned, I'm on medication, but the suicidal ideation never stops.
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self.depression
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I can't think of when i was ever useful to anyone in my life Guess I'll just die
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self.depression
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Don;t think I'll be able to keep up my fake cheery persona Poor as fuck, needed a job, got it. Kept gettign rejected after interviews so I decided to go overboard on the fake happiness and it worked. Been there for a while and this fake personality has continued on to being on the job, being super happy and perky with my coworkers.
But honestly I feel obligated to be happy at this point and I hate it. I have thoughts of suicidal ideation daily, and none of these people at work care about me. I just want to go to work and be left alone.
I nee to stop being such a people pleaser
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self.depression
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I often push myself to feel worse because momentary happiness feels so fake
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self.depression
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I know she will not talk to me for the rest of my life. But if she would, what would she say? When I was growing up, my best friend was girl named Rachel. Actually, it wasn't, but I'm going to call her that so the story makes sense. We were in the same grade, and went to the same schools. We were very close friends from about the 3rd or 4th grade until the middle of college. I loved her, but she friend zoned me before the term even existed. I did something stupid, and I tried to kiss her. She never spoke to me again.
About ten years later a mutual friend of ours, a girl we both knew in high school died of a heroin overdose. The girl's name was Melissa. Again, it wasn't, but for the sake of this story it will be. I hadn't talked to Melissa in 10 years either, just never got around to it. I remember I tried to call her right around Thanksgiving but she didn't answer and didn't respond to my voice mail. It turns out she died like four days before I called. It kind of made me nuts, to know I missed her forever by calling four days too late.
This inspired me to reach out to Rachel. I explained how frustrated I felt about missing Melissa by four days, and how I didn't want to feel that about her sometime later down the road. I told her I was sorry for what I had done. I was married now, and understood a lot more about romantic relationships. I just wanted to hear from her again. I mean, so much of my childhood, so much talking on the phone late at night, is locked up in my relationship with Rachel. Long story short, she never answered my email. Either she didn't get it, or more likely, she didn't forgive me.
I don't expect to hear from Rachel again for the rest of my life. Maybe I deserve that, maybe I don't. But either way, that's how it will go. Its been ten more years on top of that. I'm 40 years old now.
I would love would be to hear from Rachel again, one last time, just to hear what she has to say. Maybe she never got my email ten years ago, maybe she will forgive me, or maybe she won't. Maybe she thinks its best we just never talk to each other again. Maybe she accepts my apology, or maybe she doesn't. Honestly, I just want to hear from her again.
I was young. I'm sorry. I really didn't mean anything bad. Isn't twenty years enough penance? We don't have to be friends again I just, want you to forgive me and to know that you think fondly of the shared memories of our childhood.
What do you think she would say to me?
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self.offmychest
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Stimulants for Bipolar II I have had Bipolar II for about 14 years now, and have been on stimulant medications for perhaps six. I recently switched from Dexedrine to vyanse, but I was wondering if there is anyone else who takes stimulants to help with the depressive state and lack of motivation that comes from Bipolar II? I find they do help a lot without making me go too manic, just enough to be extroverted.
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self.bipolar
|
I Just Want to Be Numb I don't want to feel anything. I don't care how. I don't care if it kills me. I don't want to be here. Alive, sentient, awake, aware. I don't mind not killing myself, but solely because other people depend on me to do things. I wouldn't want to be a bother, even -- especially -- in death. And I've heard suicide causes people trauma. Well, I wouldn't want to traumatize anyone. So, alright. Again my own wishes (apparently selfish wishes) i won't kill myself. But then in exchange for staying alive, can't I at least not have to feel anything?
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self.offmychest
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I spent around 11/12 months without thinking about killing myself. Today I went looking for my dad's gun [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Anyone who hasn't found there perfect medication combo: Some Hope, in the form of a story So I posted here once before detailing my manic depressive mixed episodes and the crazy I unleash on an already crazy world.
Check my history if you're interested.
This one's more positive.
For the third time I started a new combination of meds early December.
And boomb!!! I became a new person.
I'm fairly sensitive to medication so it makes sense a low dosage (5mg) of Abilify would work wonders rather then 15 mg plus of everything else I've tried.
New person traits:
Morning person who enjoys yoga.
A orderly person who enjoys organizing
A nun in regards to sex. Ie. I want to know the personality of the body not just the body
Not an alcoholic (no need to self medicate)
No desire to ingest copious amounts of drugs for combating mixed rushes.
Someone who can actually focus on studies
On the negative:
Cloudy thinking and stuttering
Surpressed appetite
Slight psychosis (less than with none. Nothing that a slightly higher dosage couldn't fix)
Basically - if that's normal I don't know why normal people haven't solved world hunger yet. Cause I was getting shit done!
Was.
My Doctor (who is a dick) only gave me one month when promising me 2 - these meds being my life line IM CERTAIN he said two, but, alas.
I had a week unmedicated and boy was I geared to fuck shit up.
By the 5th day I felt like a ton of crazy wrapped up in something cute. (I was dressed cutely). I was the crazy.
I got off work, after counting down every minute. Raced to get a drink to numb the mixed pulls of up and down. And that feeling of the universe hates where my skin meets it.
That wasn't enough.
I made plans to get laid. Don't think I did, because I blacked out. Probably the sauna.
Awoke at random hour in the morning o'clock and and the universe detested me. Downed sleeping NyQuil. Guy I made plans with awoke and luckily he has 2 bipolar siblings and talked to me while I hyperventilated and chain smoked on a counter shivering.
(Abilify withdrawal)
Sooooo. After a thank you you're the best blowjob, decent amount of porn to surpress the urge to jump everyone, a dash of weed, and a lot of smoking - my meds are back... and should be totally working by tomorrow or Friday.
That major shift. Damn. Bipolar me isn't me. Bipolar me is an asshole. A sex feind. Sometimes wishes for bad situations to happen just to be on the same level as my insides. Hates God or is God avoidant. Is messy. Is destructive. Has been trying to convince myself to not take meds.. even while feeling like a dung log? Hell of a sales person though.
How has medication changed you? Because I for one, am never looking back!!!
An ode to medication! I have found thee useful
Hopefully others keep trying. I used to be so hippy anti meds
Wasted 5 years of my life.
(Still a bit... Something. Manic maybe due to the oversharing I may later delete)
Stay golden!
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self.bipolar
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A war not easily won. "..nobody can save you but yourself and you’re worth saving. it’s a war not easily won but if anything is worth winning then this is it."
Bukowski
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self.bipolar
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SMH. I honestly feel like therapy should be free. I hate having to deal with mental health problems and then having to worry about the cost of getting help. IM TIRED.
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self.Anxiety
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Is there anything left Hi, today has been the third day of the worst weekend of the worst year of my life, no hyperbole. I don't really know how to describe how terrible it is, because I doubt you will be able to understand, but I am really really close to hurting myself, except I can't because I don't have the guts, my grades suck, I have one friend, and she's never around, and my family is upset at me and gets upset at me for being depressed. Today was supposed to be a change dammit, this year was supposed to be a change, but fuck, I ruined it all somehow. There isn't much to life that I can find enjoyable, because everything fun isn't what I'm supposed to be doing, and everything fulfilling won't get me anywhere in life. I'm on my last legs, I don't even want help anymore, because I tried helping, I tried doing better, but no, the world doesn't care. I just wanted to tell someone, I just wish people woudl care about me more than they do, I wish I wasn't so depressed so that I could actually make friends. I just want it all to end. I'm really sad, why can't life work out for me.
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self.depression
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The Promise It's kind of funny, it started when I was around 12 that sometimes I got the thought: "If things don't get good, you can kill yourself when you're grown up." That was always only for a few seconds, and then the thought was gone.
Now I'm 19, have a major depression since 6 months and constant suicide thoughts. It's ironic how I predicted this years ago, and now it's my turn to fulfill the promise to myself.
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self.SuicideWatch
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hey guys, last night I went to bed at my regular time (about 1 am) and was not able to fall asleep until like 6 because of many reasons. I was rolling around a tonnn and couldn't stay still to where my mind and body felt right. I would feel my heart rate come up on me and then give me a really eerie, uncomfortable feeling where I eventually would have to get up and just stand. at least do something. I found my self shaking and really worried about why I just couldn't fall asleep. I felt like my mind was so far ahead of my body? I just wanted to relax but I felt like it was maybe a ton of anxiety kicking in. but I just couldn't sleep like usual.. really scared the shit out of me and i eventually fell asleep and slept through my morning class because I was finally tired enough to fall asleep. any thoughts or ideas on what happened? I did smoke weed at night but I really ever feel like that, ever. I was kinda scared.
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self.depression
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I need help I have finally been able to bring myself to ask for help. I had had self diagnosed depression for 6 years now and have been unable to tell anyone. Now I have reached a point where I have decided it's too much and not fair on the people around me anymore.
I could use some advice on how to get help. I am from the UK and I am 19 years old if that helps.
I have been trying to research online but it's a bit of a mess. Any help at all would be greatly appreciated. This subreddit alone as a reader has helped me enough with facing my problems and realizing its not just me.
Thanks you so very much in advance.
Kiinto
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self.depression
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It's 4:30 am and I can't sleep I'm just here having a meltdown, silently in my room alone. I just wanna die, I don't know how to articulate it better than that.
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self.depression
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Panic Attacks In the past I've had strong social phobia and rumination habits over past mistakes that I've made. Yesterday I had an anxiety attack that kept me up: I was living with some friends over the last 2 months because I had been cut off from my family. They asked me to find a new place to live \(understandably since the apartment is cramped and I am not contributing my fair share monetarily\) but it's been hard saving up only working part time and going to school.
Even though they did me a favor, and I'm grateful, I can't help but take it personally. I had an anxiety attack that kept me up from 1 AM \- 3 AM yesterday. My \(recurring\) thoughts:
\- Did I do something wrong?
\- Am I an unlikeable person?
\- Why don't I fit in?
\- I felt like I really hurt them or angered them \-\> strong guiltiness/emptiness in me after
\- I had images of each one in the apartment being angry with me
I feel like my mental health is worsening trying to make end's meet in LA while keeping up my academics. Any tips or thoughts on how to handle this situation better?
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self.Anxiety
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All or nothing when it comes to running errands and completing chores [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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My friend killed herself yesterday It was early in the morning. It was so abrupt. There and then not. She posted depressed stuff all the time and I talked to her about it but she never really opened up about it. She posted shit about it on her Instagram and Snapchat and I fucking blew it off. It just seemed like something she'd normally post. I didn't even fucking read them until after the fact. I know there's nothing I can do now but learn from it. But the suddenness and finality kills me. I wish I could have helped her.
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self.offmychest
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Dealing with flashbacks from manic phases Hi there, I'm pretty new to this subreddit so I apologize if a similar post has been made like this in the past and this question has been answered before...how do you personally deal with intense memories related to your past manic episodes? I went through a really intense nine-day manic episode (worst I have ever had, sleeping for only five hours out of those nine days) just over two and a half months ago that ended in me crashing my car and being hospitalized (not just for accident-related injuries). I was released from the hospital and from step-down rehab about four weeks ago. I keep getting waves of memories of my behavior from my manic episode, and I'm wondering how to come to terms with them to the point where they're no longer bothering me in my everyday life. Are there any suggestions you guys may have for this? Clearly "just forget about it" isn't really working for me.
:(
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self.bipolar
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student loan panic I logged into my student loan servicer, great lakes, to make a payment and saw I had over $9 grand due immediately. NOT TRUE at all. Clicking around I saw all my loans as original balances not reflecting what I have paid off over the last 18 months. I logged back out then in again (after running upstairs to tell my wife) and the amount was much lower though still about $2 grand higher than it should be. Now I'm freaking out there's something wrong with the system and I'm going to have to fight them to update the amount due to what it should be. I'm hoping when I log in in the morning it all looks good and it's just some account maintenance meanwhile I'm totally wired with anxiety no longer relaxed.
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self.Anxiety
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No one should die like that. At my local Applebees, a boy that I knew from high school was just walked up to and shot in the head. I shared many classes with this boy - he was in the behavioral program, I was in the emotionally disturbed one - but he was by no means a bad man. In fact, he was one of the two nicest upperclassmen in that program and honestly, I think he was just thrown in there because he was a little bit rowdy. He had a daughter and he loved that daughter. And no, I don't know the full story - I wasn't the closest to him, in fact, I'm not even sure if I'd even ever had a full conversation with him (I was very quiet - that's why I was in there) but I remember him always with a smile, always joking around, and how scared he was to be a father at a young age - I remember he was kind to me when at the time, it seemed I was so invisible and not only invisible, but a target to bullying. He always wanted to be there for his daughter, I knew that much...and now he can't because of some stupid beef...and to really shoot someone in public...horrible. That entire restaurant is now traumatized.
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self.offmychest
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Bipolar with social anxiety Hello!
I am new here and I figured I would find a chat board that I can relate to. I've been diagnosed bipolar for over 12 years as well as ADHD, PTSD, trichotillomania and social anxiety. My fiance and I just recently moved and what two friends I had turned out to only want me around because I finally got my disability and had income finally. Given that, I'm back to having no friends again in my community. It's painfully hard for me to talk to new people as people see me as socially awkward and just not someone to fit in anywhere. With that said I was just hoping to make a friend or friends who know what my struggle is daily with these conditions.
My fiance and my dad are my friends right now, but I would like some females to hang out with and talk to. My fiance and I are getting married this year in October so I am under a lot of stress and my anxiety is really high. I don't bite much, tend to have a good sense of humor but I'm way to good at seeing through people. If someone's fake I know it pretty quickly which also keeps me isolated. I just want a friend. :(
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self.bipolar
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I saw a shooting. Several days ago, I happened to be the only eyewitness of a fatal shooting. I was not in any danger of being shot, but I was the only person who saw it happen. This was the first time anything like this has ever happened to me (and hopefully the last). I've been in contact with the cops, as I placed the 911 call and once again, was literally the only person to see this happen. They told me I might even be asked to come in and see a lineup.
I already suffer from severe health anxiety and "ptsd" of sorts from a really abusive household growing up. Now, I can't sleep, constantly feel like I have trouble breathing, and I don't even feel comfortable walking outside at night. I am posting here to ask for advice, and stories from anyone else who might have witnessed such a thing.
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self.Anxiety
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I feel alone and like a burden. I have been feeling really depressed for about 7-8 months now. I had a girlfriend that broke up with me 3 months ago. I was able to tell her about my bad days and rely on her to be there for me so I didn't feel so alone but, I can do that, no longer. I feel like I have no right to be depressed. I have a good loving family and a few good friends that have my back. I am starting to feel like a burden. My family, while supportive, and as hard as they try, don't really understand the day to day struggle that I am dealing with. I have leaned hard on my friends but, I can see in their eyes, responses, and actions that they are starting to get worn down by the constant sadness and funk that I am in. I hate being a burden to those that I care about. I have never felt this down and had so little people that I feel comfortable to ask for support from.
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self.depression
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Hello again Just me again. This pit never seems to end. I keep thinking about how I could just stop holding back and do what seems to be the only thing that could end my constant source of sadness. But then she would be broken. I would have betrayed her trust. I would hate myself for it. Why won't she just let me be who I want to be? Why can't she just let me go? I want both of them. Not just one or the other. This feels like choosing between water and food to sustain myself off of. If I quit drinking water, I will die quicker. If I never eat food, I will go insane slowly, then I will die. This is fucking horrible and I can't talk to anyone about it except her, but then I'm telling my crush that I have a crush and I keep considering cheating on my girlfriend. She'd never want me after that, even if she is also poly. Fuck. No one cares. This is completely unrelatable to pretty much anyone that is reading this. Who cares? Fuck.
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self.depression
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I honestly hope I get hit by a car today I’m just sick of living and feeling like I’m a waste of space. The only thing I’ve done kinda right is my kid and I’m just such a huge fuck up she doesn’t deserve me in her life. I’m too chicken to kill myself and I don’t wanna leave her but I’m sick of making everything worse by just existing.
I don’t need advice just a different me
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self.offmychest
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Anyone here try fish oil? I just want to know if anyone here has experience with trying fish oil to get Omega-3 fatty acids. Apparently, they help depression. I want to try them out but I don't want to waste money if they end up doing nothing. Do they really help?
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self.depression
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does anyone else feel like depression has made you a better person? [deleted]
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self.depression
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On the verge of giving up entirely, lost my significant other and feel hopeless, please help [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I️ can’t be happy in my newfound relationship because of anxiety. I️ just began a new relationship with a guy who is perfect for me. I’m diagnosed with bipolar not anxiety, but regardless I’m experiencing it. Everything is going great and he has made it very clear he likes me, yet I️ am so scared of being abandoned or hurt. It’s so bad I’ve felt like I️ can barely breathe for a week and my heart always feels like it’s in my stomach. I️ keep asking him for validation he likes me and it feels pathetic. I️ don’t know what to do; it’s the happiest feeling but polarized with the worst feeling simultaneously.
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self.Anxiety
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Not allowed to talk, ever. I'm not allowed to talk while I'm with my family. Everything I say or do is wrong, nothing I have to say is ever important. I've been told to just stay quiet while we were eating dinner together while the rest of the family talk together. If I ever join inn i gett told to stop talking, and it's been like this my whole life. I thought maybe it was because I was a child and therefor what I had to say wasn't interresting, and now that I'm 20 I thought things would be different. But everything is just like it's always been. Everyone's voice is always prioritized above mine. Whenever I'm talking, people just talk over me and ignore me completely, or yell at me, or tell me to stay quiet. I feel so worthless and unwanted, it hurts so much it's making me nauseous.
And then I got sick with Anorexia 6 years ago, and got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Dissociative Identity Disorder, and now my mother suddenly wants me to talk about shit, and gets mad when I DON'T talk?? Wtf is this shit? You wanted me to shut up and be invisible, fine. Now I am. I pretend like I don't exist, I even try and disappear physically by not eating. And you're STILL not happy? Nothing I EVER do is good enough for you, is it? What the fuck do you want from me?!?
I feel like I should just die. I feel huge, disgusting, too loud, in the way, unwanted and worthless. I'm hated by everyone, I've never felt welcome when I'm in a room with someone else. People just yell at me. I don't understand what I have to do to make people happy, to make them leave me alone. I am just a huge mistake, and I take up too much space. I hate myself.
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self.offmychest
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Topomax Does anyone take topomax? It makes me so wired! I'm having some other symptoms that aren't too bad, but wondering what others responses are as well? Thanks!
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self.bipolar
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I want to die. I don't want to get help, I don't to have meds, I don't want to change, I simply want to die. I really really wish assisted suicide was legal. I can't stand this.
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self.depression
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I went to therapy today for the first time in a while I had a good cry and broke down even more when my counselor told me I need to go on meds. It was such an emotionally exhausting session I couldn’t go to class today. However I somehow feel kind of amazing right now?
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self.Anxiety
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I got the rope and tied a slip knot. But I can't do it because I'm a fucking coward. Fuck.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I want to die, but I’m too afraid to do so. [deleted]
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self.depression
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The worst part is trying as hard as you can, and it’s still not good enough [deleted]
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self.depression
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I hate being so emotional. I always manage to fuck up every single romantic relationship that comes my way because I feel too much too soon. I have expectations, ideas, and other positives for the relationship that I can't seem to control. And surprisingly (or not) my emotions mainly get shaken up more when the other party seems to not be as invested in me and I end up chasing them away with my anger, disappointment, and overinflated ego.
Most recent romantic interest rejected me first, but then changed his mind, but also kept blowing me off. So, I got upset. I explained that I really liked him and had intentions for a good relationship, but I couldn't do that being the only person. Got very long winded, got no response for a day and a half, then after brashly ending everything, he tells me I was too emotional too soon and resigned us to being just friends.
I'm so fucked up emotionally thanks to an abusive and narcissistic dad that I can't seem to keep a relationship for longer than a few months. I'm beginning to resign myself to the fact that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life, and I'm starting to make myself be okay with that. There's just not going to be anyone that I'll be able to keep around without scaring them off.
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self.offmychest
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Triggering my husband's depression I found out my husband had an affair. He responded by saying he was depressed. Saw therapist a couple of times. Got rx. Mostly swept under the rug because he doesn't want to address it.
I try to not bring it up and how I'm still haunted every day. Some days are better than others but I still get frustrated and feel like he just got away with it.
He made plans with the guys last night. Something he almost never does anymore because he doesn't want to arise suspicion. I made a comment like "behave yourself."
I guess that triggered him because he fell asleep around 7pm. I woke him at 9pm and said he should go with the friends. He just said he wasn't going and went back to bed.
I want to be understanding of the depression but find he isn't really understanding of the pain he's caused. He just wants me to he passed it and see that he is trying to do better.
Confused and sad.
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self.depression
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Could you forgive an SO that left you during an episode? [X-post] TL;DR: See title.
Background: I was having a super bad mixed episode about 3 months ago. I was all over the place and posting all over reddit. During that time I did a lot of stupid shit. Some that I don't even remember. (Drinking a bunch, hurting myself and so on.)
He ended up breaking up with me at the peak of the episode/the day before I ended up going the hospital.
He told me a bunch of horrible shit like how he was embarrassed to tell his friends we had gotten back together. That he was sick of waiting for meds to help me ect, ect.
I came down from the episode after being given abilify at the hospital. I left a shitty note when I got all my shit and posted it in amother sub. I understand why he left but dont agree with it. I feel that he should have helped me get help before leaving me.
So now I got in contact because I wanted to apologize in person. He immediately told me he missed me and that he needed to apologize to me too. He's also telling me he loves me. I said we need to take it slow. As cliche as it is, I love him and want things to work out. This isn't the first time shits gone south because he doesn't want to deal with my illnesses. I do know I put him through a lot too though. So I'm conflicted. He also said he's slept with someone and gone on 4 dates in the three months we've been apart which hurts of course.
If you got through that jumbled mess, thanks for reading.
Advice? Anyone been in similar circumstance?
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self.bipolar
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I wonder what type of advice my mom would’ve given me if she was still here. I wonder what she would have said to me to cheer me up when an ex boyfriend cheated on me. Or when my dog died. Or when I started group therapy. Or when my eating disorder became noticeable. She was so lovely, even though I only knew her for 9 years before cancer took her away from me. It’s been 6 years now. I feel so empty. I feel so alone.
I miss her so much. She was so beautiful and caring. I just want my mom back.
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self.depression
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Got drunk and told my ex girlfriend I loved her, slapped my best friend and I feel like a mess So my memory browned out the other night drinking at a house party. I just have to get this off all my chest somewhere so here we go.. (sorry for the wall of text)
It was a decently sized party with a ton of booze, judging by the amount of people vomiting in the bathroom the next morning I guess everyone else was having a wild time that night as well. The guests for the most part all know one another so drinking games can get competitive and a bit crazy..
A few of my friends tried to recap the night when I started asking questions due to my fuzzy memory. I didn't even know I hit my best friend until he told me today over the phone. Apparently he started shitting on my favorite show just to piss me off. I don't remember doing it but I apologized when I learned of it today and he said we're cool. We've kinda been through it all while drunk before so he didn't really hold it against me. Still feel like an asshole about it though.
My relationship with my ex broke off years ago and we've been on good terms since then and still see each other a few times a year at mutual friends holiday parties. Enough interaction that we both have been comfortable with due to our long friendship before dating. My best friend who I hit said her and I were both being quite chummy with each other as the night grew later, and we were both quite drunk. I vaguely remember walking into the bedroom with her. I think we talked for a bit but I don't think either of us were very coherent. I do however vividly remember kissing her and telling her I loved her. Just a brief snapshot of holding her face and staring into her beautiful eyes, I don't much more than that. I wish I did. I don't even know if she remembers what I said to her. I kissed her but we went no further than that (thank goodness). I think she wanted to have sex at the time as she definitely had her pants off and was on my lap when I told her that. I guess in our drunken mess we wanted different things..
I asked her to meet up today for brunch to have a conversation about that night. She agreed that it was a good idea, so we met at a little breakfast joint. She told me she doesn't remember talking to me before we went to sleep, so I didn't tell her about the drunk statement I made to her.
She woke up and left the party house before me in the morning, so we didn't talk about the night till a few days later. Stirring up old relationships can be a uncomfortable thing, but I think we're both happy we didn't hook up. I'm not really sure if she's telling me the full truth, that she doesn't remember any of our conversations that night, but for the most part I don't remember either so I don't have too much of a reason not to trust her on that one.
After we sorted out what little facts we had of that night, we actually had a really nice string of conversions. We ended up talking for a little over two hours mostly just about our lives, friends, interests, and how we've changed over the years. It was just kind of nice to catch up one on one.
I don't think sober me is madly in love with her like drunk me might have thought I was. We've both have dated a handful of other people since our relationship but I think it's possible a piece of my heart might always be hers, maybe not I'm still in my 20's so what do I know. I know it wouldn't work right now even if we wanted it to. Different cities, different plans for our future. If this was a movie this would be the part where I go catch the dream girl but it's not. This is real life, it's a little more complicated and we both know that for sure.
P.s. If anyone actually read this, thanks. It's silly but sometimes typing out your emotions can help you come to terms with a situation you're not fully comfortable with. Sending it into the void of the internet is just a bonus I guess. Till next time have a new years drink for me, I'm going to take some time off.
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self.offmychest
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This subreddit is amazing Hey everyone ! I was lurking because I had a meltdown this morning and didn’t know what to do. I was crying, feeling awful about whatever behavior I had yesterday at a dinner party, thinking I was a pain in the ass for everybody. Anxiety is eating me alive and I realised thanks to this sub that it has a huge influence on my behavior and on little things in my life and I never realised that. I thought it was mostly social and health anxiety but I also count how many hours left before work or even a little appointment and I let it rule my week. Thank you for helping me understand my self better ! I wish you all the best ! *big hugs*
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self.Anxiety
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Anybody else wish they were gay so they wouldn't have to deal with females? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Today is my 21st birthday. I spent it alone in my room desperately wishing my loneliness would subside just for one day. I don’t think I’m going to do anything that would hurt myself tonight, I’d just really like a friend I think.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Relationship Anxiety SO I've been reading and seeing that some of you also struggle with anxiety in your relationship and was hoping someone could give me some advice.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with GAD and about 5 months ago I went on meds. I also go to therapy once or twice a month. Both the meds and counseling are helping a lot but I'm still really struggling with one specific thing-my relationship.
I have been with an amazing boy for over a year now. He is caring and I feel incredibly safe with him. I feel like I can tell him just about anything and we are pretty good about communication. That being said, a lot of my anxiety stems back to our relationship and I just cannot figure out why. We have not really had big fights and even when we do we cannot hold on to angry emotions for long. He is so supportive of my anxiety and does a great job of calming me down. He lets vent when I need to, cry when I need to, or just be alone when I need to. He listens and tries his best to give me suggestions and help me through tough things and overall I feel great.
But there is always an underlying fear that something terrible is going to happen. When I have a breakdown and ask him for help I am overwhelmed with guilt, fearing that just one more and he will not be able to handle the mess I am anymore. Many times when he is busy my mind will twist his not responding into some crazy story about him being upset with me or the relationship. Any time he is upset or down about anything my brain will turn that into the fact that he is going to become too stressed and not want to be in a relationship anymore.
The most frustrating part is that I know it's irrational. He constantly reassures me how much he loves me and how he wants to be with me. We made plans for our future. It feels so real but the constant worry that something is going to go wrong is crippling. My head will turn anything and everything into a sign that things are going south. I become so irritable and tiny little things, however most of the time I can manage to keep them in as I know they are irrelevant. But I am so afraid that I am going to push him away. I am so afraid that soon enough my constant need for reassurance will be too much.
I want to be completely secure in this relationship that I have every right to feel secure in. All he does is supportive and I know that he is a great person for me, how do I get over the unsteady feelings and constant worries? I want to trust that everything will be okay, as all of the evidence I have supports that everything will indeed be okay. Please help! How can I get rid of these awful feelings?
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self.Anxiety
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Have you ever thought about how much worse the media makes everything? It really fucks with me how much shit sucks in the world, in such an unnecessarily sick way. Have you ever felt that print media and news outlets make the whole thing worse by bringing it right to your doorstep; Hey, here's some Iranians fighting for the end of their government and one fuck up too far gets the nukes flying! Hey, the CIA and NSA spy on their own people like its 1984, but the fuck can we do about? Hey, you know that stunt David Cameron pulled to turn UKIP voters into Conservatives, well it threatens to tank the UK economy like its the fucking 70's! And guess what? There is fuck all that you can do about it!
Don't get me wrong, I like my slice, but all of this fucked shit just feels like it wants to take a massive shit in my lounge and I have no control over any of it. The people who do all this shit, who get on the news at prime time, who the politically leaning fucks in print and broadcasting suck off, it feels like they all want to make everyone's life worse and worse.
And it doesn't feel like it changes as you go down in the system, like with the bullshit that's going around about the Superintendent's payrise.
It feels like all this shit is made so much worse by the ''''truth''''' provided by the media and it feels like I never really know why, or how even, the bad shit has happened.
Sorry, I just wanted to vent a bit. Thanks for reading.
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self.depression
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Is there anyway to get a trial of SSRI's? I've never taken one or been diagnosed but I've had depression for 8 years now and want to see what I could feel with them I have a psychiatrist that I see for my ADHD and anxiety and even still, as a 21 year old male who's had depression since I was 13 I'm still to ashamed to confess, even to a psychiatrist in private that I'm depressed.
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self.depression
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help me can i wish i die rn? im tired waiting for my death
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self.depression
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Does anyone actually care? I want to post something but I don't think it'll change anything. If anyone does care, let me know. I need to talk to someone.
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self.SuicideWatch
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things you call yourself in your head i always call myself "the ruiner;" i feel like i ruin everything. i know this isn't true (many people have told me, plus i know objectively i haven't ruined nay things) but i've really internalized it.
does anyone else have something they call themselves in their head when things are going bad? or maybe even when things are going good!!!
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self.bipolar
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Does anyone else hate asking for help? You hear all the time ''Talk to someone'' and ''Ask for help'' but I hate doing that because I hate bothering people, and people have better, and more important things to worry about than me - And I feel weird going to someone and saying ''I have depression'' because when I say that I feel like I'm being a huge attention seeker
(Edit - If I don't reply to everyone, I want you to know that I appreciate all the feedback on here)
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self.depression
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what's the point of living with mental illness as severe as bpd? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’m feeling so down it is impacting my life and work I don’t want a debate but I am sick over the church shooting. My college had a mass shooting. It happened in a classroom that I had classes in. My sister had just tried to kill herself and my mom was in Australia and my asshole Dad wouldn’t fly a couple states over to support me. I was her power of attorney and since she stabbed herself in the chest and barely missed her heart she was in the ICU for a while. I had to make the decision to put her in the psych ward.
I was at work when I heard the news that the school had a mass shooting. All of the victims were taken to the hospital I put my sister in. If my mom wasn’t in Australia she would have been on campus. One of her students died. I couldn’t get in touch with anyone because the cells were overwhelmed.
Congress says we don’t have enough information and we should act rashly but fuck them. They have information about my school shooting. They have information from all of the school shootings. Guns are a problem. Period.
Mental health is also an issue but there is no indication that this church shooter had a mental health disorder. Anyway if mental health is an issue why are they defunding mental health programs every year?
It has me so worked up and sad that I can’t function. I did my meetings yesterday but I did zero Work getting even more behind. There is a hard deadline to transition to this new company and it is coming up quickly.
I’m supposed to drive into the office this afternoon and I don’t see how I can do it. I’m thinking about taking a half day to get out of it. I don’t know why they don’t have a dial in for remote workers.
I’m snapping at my family because I don’t feel well. I didn’t put effort into being a good mom last night, I just laid on the couch.
Please don’t debate me when I say we should ban guns. That is what I feel very strongly and I’m sick of the stupid diversion techniques people are using on Facebook. I’m so sick of arguing this point.
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self.bipolar
|
I exaggerated in a job interview and stomach is in knots over it. During the interview I was asked what would I do if I saw someone not doing what they were supposed to be doing at work. I have two jobs at libraries, one where I am a page which bottom of the ladder figuratively and I said in that position I will just tell my supervisor. For my other job I am a step above a page, a clerk basically and I exaggerated saying I have more responsibilities and can give some guidance to the pages i.e. when something needed to be done I could tell them that. My coworker who was a reference told me that she was contacted about me and whether I held some type of supervisory role or had made that up. I don't remember saying I was a supervisor or a lead person but anyways she said that she talked her way around the question but now all I can think is I lied and they'll never hire me now. I'm supposed to receive an answer next week and I'm so anxious it's making me sick. I don't know what to do now.
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self.Anxiety
|
I genuinely want help but I don't think its possible. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Feelin’ fine For me, this year has been marked by psychosis, but now I’ve beaten it. It’s fucking gone. I finally found the right antipsychotic medication for me and I’m feeling stronger than ever — my doctors and therapist are amazing — they’re all in my corner and I’m so grateful to have them in my life. I‘m chuffed. And now I’m just getting on with things. I’ve got energy. I can focus. I can get assignments and coursework done. There’s no noise anymore. I’m not anxious and restless. The list goes on and on.
Friends, throes associated with bipolar disorder can permeate and wear us down but remember: we are walking, we are breathing, we are surviving. Every day is an achievement. The fight is a fight that we win all the time, whether we notice it or not.
<3
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self.bipolar
|
I reached out and i still don’t feel better [deleted]
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self.depression
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Going to Uni and not knowing what I want to do or if i'm good enough [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I've been lurking here for a few days I can't commit suicide because I have someone depending on me, but I've been indulging by reading posts here. How sick is that?
I'm going to try to make it up to a local mental health center later today to turn in paperwork. I'm really trying not to get my hopes up because I don't want to be crushed. I really don't know what to expect. I've only been to one therapist ever, and they invalidated everything that came out of my mouth within 5 minutes of meeting me. I never went back after the first session. I'm nervous as fuck. I've been dealing with these issues for over a decade on my own now though and I'm tired.
I'd love to come back with positive experiences though to hopefully help some of those here. It's fucking hard when it seems like things never get better, it'd be nice to have some encouraging stories.
I'm rambling and sleep deprived and I guess I just need to put some of my thoughts out there.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Cuts eventually, they get more deep than before. and my mom's being hysterical about it and i hate the way she acts. more than that, she's too stupid to believe in some fraud 'psychic' friends of hers. and I've lost almost all privacy in this place. damn it.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
From now on, I wont talk to my parents anymore. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
DAE had a very rough first week on Zoloft I’ve been in zoloft for 4 days. And day 3 I had every physical symptom imaginable of anxiety. It seems to have skyrocketed, did anyone else experience this?
Also, I’ve been taking zoloft before bed but it seems I wake up frequently, I’ve considered taking it in the morning to see if I’m waking up from the nausea from zoloft which is intense right now.
Appreciated!
|
self.Anxiety
|
I am so stressed out and I feel like nobody is there to help me out anymore I bust my ass to make sure everyone around me is happy and taken care of whenever they need help, I never ask for anything but the minute I want to turn my life around and ask for help not a single fucking person bats their eye in my direction, not even my family. I’m trying to go to school, and let go of some of the awful things I’ve gone through and done, and I’m so stressed out, I have no money, no friends, I’m gaining weight and getting sick every other day because of how stressed I am , I swear I have constant migraines and even nose bleeds every now and then. I don’t want to talk to a therapist anymore, I want to talk to someone who actually cares, I hate it when the only time people care about you is when it is or is almost too late. I’m sick of feeling like I have nobody and feeling like I’m crazy because I’m just tired of getting walked all over. I swear my stress at reached the point where I can’t even take it anymore and there have been so many times where I don’t do it for the same people who fucked me over. I’m about to just say fuck everyone and go MIA . I’m tired of this shit
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self.offmychest
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The thought is becoming an obsession Constantly I think about dying. I had fears of it growing up till I was 21, yet I was still thinking it would be better without me. Instead of dying at 21 I decided to just push everyone away. I'm 22 now and I began to try and get back out there. I began seeing a girl too, even after I told myself I'm not worth anything to people romantically. I have a deep depression that just doesn't go away. When I go manic I mess up so much things and do things I know I shouldn't have done. I think of dying almost every hour for the past year. I feel comfort in knowing no one has to worry about me anymore and I don't have to constantly mess everything up and be a burden. My social skills are crap enough because of my autism. I've just began feeling dark and emotionless towards others. I feel hate and anger towards myself. I just think when I'm gone I don't need to feel at all. I don't need people worrying. I can finally feel at peace. I have no fear of dying, yet I don't want to commit suicide unless I'm pushed over the edge finally. I tried getting help and I never get any from hospitals or anywhere. I lost hope in moving forward, because it seems when I do I always go manic and end up rock bottom again.
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self.bipolar
|
I always feel so guilty. I constantly feel like everyone hates me and it would be better if i died. My constant shyness inhibits me from getting help and even writing this is hard.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Conflicted feelings and lost - looking for advice or listener? Suffering from pretty bad anxiety and depression after a breakup last year. The breakup made me realize how lonely I really am since I depended too much on my SO for happiness. Lessons learned however this isn't about that anymore. It's previous depression and anxious feelings that have escalated.
I really feel like my endurance is coming to an end for this stuff. I have been taking the correct steps according to everybody to recovery. I started immediately with therapy and medication. I have found new hobbies I am passionate about, new friends although a slow work in progress. I have attempted to practice self-compassion, mindfulness. I have reached out to support groups, or tried to meet friends with experience. I have tried talking to family briefly because I don't feel connected to them or anything they have to say.
To this day, I remain convinced I should just kill myself. Sometimes I distract myself from it and don't think about it, but have yet to think it's not a bad idea. I bounce between anxiety and depression from week to week or so. Anxiety weeks are OK, just exhausting and annoying as heck. During my depression weeks the feelings are stronger and I am just miserable. I can be completely normal then suddenly be in tears. I often just want to go ahead and get it over with. I recently came close and caused some panic to people around me which only became really fucking annoying rather quickly. People are there in the last moments then they scatter. I won't make the same mistakes next time. Now I just go on lying to people since it's easier that way. I want to be alone and at the same time I don't. "How are you doing?" I hate this fucking question. I feel like nobody cares and at the same time I know people do care just not in any way that helps. I know a lot of the depressive feelings are irrational and aware of what's supposed to be or how I'm supposed to think about them if that makes any sense. But I really don't care sometimes. It's just been too exhausting trying to keep up an image.
I hate to be the fake 'nice guy' but I really feel I have been passionate in helping others my entire life due to being over-empathetic my entire life always prioritizing others over myself. Sometimes I feel like doing it but leaving a note saying it was nobody's fault and just my decision. Sometimes I just wanna disconnect from everything and go quietly and other times I just wanna do it as a fuck you to the world. In the end if I do it, it would probably be quietly since I wouldn't want to hurt anybody.
I'm running out of ideas here. Friends and family want me to find help and yet when I look they disappear. "I'm always here to listen if you need" Really? That is the most fucking bullshit that pisses me off lately. But at the same time I don't blame people. They have their own lives to deal with as I do my own. I just hate how fake everything has become.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Its Sunday, go to sleep so you have energy to make your boss even richer tomorrow. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Best friend is starting to show a messed up past, and I want to know how I can help best. [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
What do you do when you feel like you're out of your depth? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
I hate everything about me Hi, this is my first post on reddit. I am an 18 years old programmer from Turkey and i hate everything about me.
I have no friends (i've only had one in my entire life), i am online 12 hours everyday (can be more at sometimes), i only go out when i have to.
I think i'm very good at what i do, i make websites, games and stuff. I've only earned $3-4k in 4 years with my skills, i don't make enough money to live. (especially in turkey!) I thought it'd be very fun if i learn programming, it was fun at first but now i don't like it anymore.
I hate my gender, my country and my life. I am uneducated, almost everything in turkey's education system is about islam. I learned english on my own. I won't say much about our government because i don't want to end up in jail, but living here is hard. Our economy is fucked, most of turkish people are uneducated and thinks we have the best economy, army and we rule the world. I am ashamed of being a turk, i wish i was born in a country that values it's people.
I hate myself because i could be anything i want, i could be much better. I am smart and stupid at the same time. I wasted myself, ruined my own life. I know it's never too late to do things but i won't be able to live my childhood or my youth, i won't be able to do things i would love to do. I think life and existance is worthless, nothing makes sense, i don't even know what i am and why am i like this. I could born in canada, united states, europe or somewhere else in the world, why turkey? I could born as a billionaire, why am i poor? Why do i have to live this life?
The world is a bad place, people are evil and life is worthless.
I'm trying to live because of my family and my dog, i don't want to hurt them but when they're gone, i won't have a reason to live anymore and i will probably commit suicide.
I'm here if anyone can change my mind, prove life is worth living even if it's 18 years late.
(sorry if i made grammar issues)
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Whenever i’m away from my boyfriend, I am very anxious and sad [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Does anyone else feel like crying the moment you are awake? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
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