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Super duper rapid cycling I'm talking multiple mood shifts in a single day. Earlier this week it was 4 or 5 a day and now it's up to over 15 moods a day. I contacted my pdoc and we're going to add lithium. I think it's because we dropped the cymbalta even though it started on the cymbalta.
This kind of rapid cycling is tough. I want to hear stories, I want experiences, I want anything from anyone. I want to know how to slow it down. I want to know what to think of this. I want advice. I want comfort.
Yesterday got so bad I called a hotline and it was super helpful. No regrets.
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self.bipolar
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I'm doing it after the Stanley cup playoffs I'm just curious as to who will win,I'll be gone afterwords so I don't see why I should wait,but whatever,I wish you all the best,goodbye
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self.SuicideWatch
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I would like to know about how antidepressants effect a person or is it just the manifestation of the depression itself I have been so distraught over the last month or so because my long term boyfriend of three years has broken up with me.
We got into a fight earlier that was about jealousy and insecurity. He had been taking anti-depressants a bit before we broke up, and then I believe he is continuing it.
We are also in a long distance relationship. He used to be so caring, loving, passionate, kind everything I any girl could ever ask for. And in person, the feelings and his true self amplified it leaving me head over heels for him.
Anyways, the first few weeks of our breakup was that he said he still loves me, but I had to change, and I agreed. I didn't want to be a negative person anymore. And believe it or not, I did change because it was the slap in the face of reality that I would be losing him.. He said he saw the change in me after the two weeks. I kept reminding him of the feelings we had for each other, especially in person and that there's a reason why we keep fighting for this.
He was agreeing before, and then now things quickly turned sour. He blamed everything on me, he regrets me, resents me, doesn't want to see me and he just simply doesn't care.. Then now just as quick, he just cut me out of his life. And like I can't just go see him, and I am unsure of what to do.
I love him unconditionally, even after all of the cruel things he has said to me. I still love him and want to be with him eventually. Is there anything I can do? I understand that he's going through some things, and it's painful to be on the receiving end of all this backlash.
All I could tell him was that I care and I'll always be there. Do you think that we will find a way back to each other?
I don't know if it's just how he truly was but the antidepressant brought that character out of him. I am truly lost, and I would love some insight. I thought maybe it wasn't the right medication, but he absolutely won't listen to me and thinks I am the scum of the earth. And he just went NC with me, so it is a really difficult situation.
Thank you and I apologize for the wall of text.
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self.depression
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How long does your psychologist have to know you to diagnose you? I recently started meeting with a psychologist and have seen her about 4 times so far. I decided to go after years of increasing "downness" into what now could maybe be called depression (still kinds coming to terms with it).
I had always thought that my mood swings were just puberty, and attributed my highly productive creative times as just part of being a musician, but I've started to notice that these bouts of creativity are a bit crazier than I had thought (thoughts racing, 1000 ideas at once, difficulty paying attention or falling asleep ect) and my down periods have gotten lower, and more unrelenting, but I've never been suicidal which makes me second guess whether it's really depression. My family does have a history of bipolar which I do think has probably attributed to my curiosity as to whether I have it in some form.
I really want to ask my psycologist if I have it but I'm worried she doesn't know me well enough to say for sure, and will just say no. I also don't really know what I would do if the answer is no because all of these things are still happening with or without a diagnosis.
What has been your experience with diagnosis, especially with bpII and the more high function end of the spectrum? Have any of you been told you didn't have it by one person, but you did by another?
Tl;Dr is it Worthing asking my psycologist if I'm bipolar after only 4 visits?
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self.bipolar
|
I have anhedonia and am incapable of making friends or forming relationships. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety, been to tons of treatment and nothing works. Unable to feel positive emotions at all. When therapists say, "Find something you enjoy", there is nothing. I'm also on a bunch of meds, haven't found anything that addresses the anhedonia.
Anhedonia is something that nobody seems to understand. Even mental health professionals think the emotions are buried, but due to the head injury the emotions have not returned.
I am also unable to connect with people or form friendships. This has been a lifelong problem which has only gotten worse with the injury.
In short, I am miserable, and as far as I can tell, others are not happy to be around me. It's a no win situation, I have nowhere to turn. Mental health professionals just tell me to think happy thoughts or think of an imaginary happy place, but they have no idea what it is like to have a head injury and be unable to imagine or dream anymore. My world is reduced to bland and grey, with no depth. I'm an empty husk.
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self.SuicideWatch
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No one will ever love me. It is impossible to love me, theoretically and by practice. I am a piece of shit, I'm an angry sperg, I'm controlling, I'm abusive and I'm ugly as fuck. The theory that no one will ever love me was made in the tenth grade. Though in the 12th grade, I got surprised.
I found a girlfriend. I thought maybe there is a chance that I myself can get better, my personality can get better, I can do something to myself and look a little better. Maybe, someone will actually fucking like me.
Then she went on to cheating on me and the relationship has been rocky as fuck ever since. She doesn't love me anymore. She was the 1 thing that made me happy and she made me so happy. Just let me die. I want to die. There's no point of living because I just live in misery.
I grew up into a fortunate life, of successsful and generous parents and I'm currently getting very good grades. I have a whole life ahead of me. But that life is a waste of fucking time because I'll simply be miserable because nobody fucking loves me.
I want.. to leave.
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self.depression
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No point in being here with all the events and troubles. Need help deciding on something. I have existential crisis attack sometimes. My friends wouldnt care if i was gone, they would just talk about for 1 month or 2 and ill just be gone. Im just staying around for my parents and family so they dont have to face the pain. There is also this girl i know that would rmb me but i dont see a point. Im just making this pain last longer
Every small thing in life can trouble me so much, every mean word someone says. I feel like i dont want to be here. When im young, teachers just pick out every tiny flaw i have and shout it out. I just dont know why so thats how i was raised and thought of things to go. Soon ill have sports day and we decide on department tmrw. Sports person has quite high requirements and they have "cheerleading" im not willing to toss my guy-ness in the trash. Last is marching but fuck that. So much is on my mind and this length of depression is just terrible. Help me decide on sports and end my agony and shame
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self.SuicideWatch
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It's dumb but... It's my birthday today. I wanted to make plans with my friends to go out but they all said no (well, they just brushed it off). Now they're making their own plans to go out without me. I just want somebody to wish me a happy birthday, please.
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self.depression
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i can’t handle this. Ever since we broke up, i’ve developed REALLY BAD insomnia and now i’m also terrified to step foot outside. i don’t know what the fuck i’m doing with my life but i know it’s not right. every day passes and i tell myself it’ll be the day i shower and get dressed and leave the house. yet each fucking time it doesn’t happen. i have showered once since we broke up and i’ve spent 74 fucking hours on my living room couch. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH ME. AND SINCE WHEN DID THIS TYPE OF HEARTBREAK OR PAIN FUCKING EXIST. I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE.
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self.depression
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I feel like an accordion folding under stress, but instead of music it’s just one really long sob-filled sigh
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self.depression
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My friend, lets say jasmine [F15], is suicidal and i dont know what to say to help her Title... mostly. Jasmine is a really nice girl and she has tried killing herself before but she is on the verge again. Some background to the situation, jasmine comes from an abusive home, her dad threatens/attacks her and her mum, she suffers from dopamine deficiency (lack of dopamine being produced naturally in the brain) and bulimia. Jasmine has tried finding ways to stop these thoughts through various ways, such as therapy, medication, drugs, smoking and alcohol. She has anti depressants but often forgets to take them, and she also gets drugs, cigarettes and alcohol from her parents. Im trying to help her but i really dont know what to say to help her, she has also shown me pictures of her stomach (claiming she is fat yet she isnt as she says she weights 49.3kg), her arms and legs where there are marks from self harm. Please help, i dont want to lose my best friend :(
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self.SuicideWatch
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Going to be completely unable to contact my SO for over a week, having attachment/anxiety problems and looking for advice... [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Broken I'm an only child who always felt pressure to be the perfect son. I have been a straight A student, varsity tennis captain, and have two bachelor's degrees. But I'm gay. And I was abused as a child for half of a school year while being bullied as well. My second boyfriend only dated me because I was a virgin and once he took my virginity he never spoke to me again. I've been cheated on for over six months of a year relationship while he also became a coke head and alcoholic. Another boyfriend threw me down stairs, beat me, and threw me through a glass door. I've recently graduated nursing school and passed my boards, but have current legal trouble and likely won't be able to find a job. I've become the failure I tried so hard to avoid becoming and I want to stick a needle in my vein and sleep forever. I just don't have any will to live anymore, nothing makes me happy or brings me joy in any form and every day is a painful struggle to just continue existing. I feel the end is both inevitable and near and that brings me the most comfort that I've felt in a long time.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Roommate Thinks We're Attacking Her?! It's been a fun week and it's only Wednesday!
So I'm in the middle of making morning coffee for my husband when my roomie speaks up. She starts asking what me and my husband want then going on about how she 'feels it at night'. Something about us attacking her at night with evil. 'Don't think I don't know what you're doing.' Her leg was hurting and looked possibly bruised (meanwhile she's kind of hitting on it with her own fist). I'm just trying to make some damn coffee!
There's a bit of a language barrier there since she doesn't speak much English. This can't be brushed off as a misinterpretation though. This woman obviously has some of her own issues she's facing. I've picked up on her OCD tendencies these past four or five months and had only just begun to wonder about any other aspects.
My anxiety absolutely loves to play out as many worst case scenarios as possible in my very imaginative head. So now I barely want to leave our bedroom and I'm half ready for a physical attack. If she feels she's being attacked why wouldn't she try to defend herself?
Thankfully my husband isn't laughing at any of my paranoia and we're working on having a quiet word with her husband. We wanted to talk to him before talking to my FIL (our landlord) but we saw FIL first. Either by coincidence or design roomie's husband hasn't been alone/out of earshot.
My FIL is taking this all very chill and relaxed. I'm doing my level best to keep my own issues at bay. It'd be a bit overkill to walk around the house with a knife at my hip. I just know that the possibility is there. My anxiety reminds me that when people are scared and possibly deluded they can be dangerous.
Edit: misspelling
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self.Anxiety
|
I can't stop longing for the past? I've experienced this since I was about 12 years old. I can't stop longing for the past. Each year that goes by seems to get worse and worse and I long for something from the previous years. Seeing how much time has passed since a certain point disturbs me, and I just can't believe it's been so many years. I don't know what this is. It's like I just can't process time in a normal way. It's like I'm hyper-sensitive to the very idea of time. It feels like home-sickness in a way but is probably more descriptively associated with nostalgia, except nostalgia seems to be described by most as a happy feeling, but this has always been a really somber feeling. I just moved recently and am now starting to realize that I'll probably never live in my old home again. This has been something that I really haven't been able to shake so far and I'm really afraid that it will follow me forever and make life horrible.
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self.depression
|
My life is filled with depression, loss, and excruciating stress. I’m in 9th grade, and my life has took a turn for the worst. It all began in 8th grade when my grandpa that I lived with died of cancer, losing the only father figure that I’ve ever had, so I missed a lot of school and my grades went started to decline. I was popular at my school, but I only talked to my closest friend during the summer, essentially giving up my social life, and while doing that I gained like 30 pounds. High school is hitting me like a step dad, I don’t know anyone in my classes, my grades are terrible, and it seems like all my old friends hate me, none of them wanting to talk to me anymore. Also, I got arrested for taking a B.B. gun out of a package in Walmart and playing with it with my best friend and now I have a 2 court dates that are making me stressed beyond comprehension. (First time I’ve ever got in trouble with the law). To top it all off, I had to get a haircut for jrotc and I accidentally asked for a buzz cut (long story) and my head looks like complete shit.
TL;DR: Lost my grandpa, lost my friends, get no girls, getting fat, have two court dates, grades are shit, mom lost her job, family is struggling financially, and getting bullied for a shit haircut.
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self.SuicideWatch
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My grandmother passed away and it's my fault. **Slightly long post ahead. English is not my first language, feel free to correct my grammar. Please bear with my incoherent and unorganized thoughts.**
She raised me, she was one of the reasons why I became a nurse. She was always there for me whenever I needed her. She gave me, and everyone around her, unconditional love. While I was taking care of other patients thousands of miles away, she needed me but I couldn't be there. I help save lives but in the end, I couldn't save hers.
Almost a year before her death, she fell down and had a femoral fracture, and underwent surgery to repair it. It was days before New Year's Eve when I received a call from my sister about what happened. At that time, I was currently unemployed and living in another country. I had to leave our home in search of greener pastures. I couldn't help but feel depressed at the thought of not having been there by her side through everything that happened while she was in the hospital. I wanted to go home, I wanted to be the one to take care of her, I wanted to be with her watching the fireworks from the hospital window. But, because of our financial problems, I failed to be there.
Thankfully, she recovered after the surgery. Although, not fully. She can stand up and walk a little with assistance but most of the time, she remained bedridden. My dad and my sister took care of her. One of my many mistakes was to not get her under physical therapy right away. I knew that as a healthcare worker, she should have taken a program to at least get her back on her feet and have her walking. I shouldn't have been too soft when she told me that she was too scared to walk again in fear of falling and suffering another fracture.
A few months later, I finally got a job and, luckily, I was able to go home every two months. The first time that I came home, I became her personal nurse. It was one of my goals. I bathed her, changed her diapers, fed her, bought her vitamins, and I even cut her hair. I bought a walker and we were so glad when she finally could walk on her own with the use of it. She still needed assistance when getting out of bed. I also bought a commode so that she won't have to wear diapers all the time. I wanted her to become somewhat independent of my dad and my sister because I also know that it's hard to have someone depend on you 24/7.
I thought that everything would be fine after that.
The second time that I went home, I noticed some changes. She would often forget that she already took a bath. She would even forget that she also ate which was fine because she got to eat again. There were moments of clarity and we would end up talking to and laughing with each other for hours. Sometimes, she would tell me that everything's getting too hard for her and that she didn't want to suffer anymore. I always told her that if she could just walk, everything would be better. One day, she started to call my name over and over again. When I got to her room, she would say that she doesn't know why she called me. I would often ask her if she felt anything wrong and she would say that nothing's wrong. I then would check her vitals which were fine for her age. I thought that she was just restless because she was uncomfortable so I gave her a bath and I cleaned her room. She became fine after that and we were able to talk again.
Another mistake was not getting her to a hospital in time. I took a 3-day long vacation away from home, which I would later regret. I got home and I was speechless when I saw that she was pale. Her breathing was also a bit too fast. My dad, who was taking care of her those 3 days, said that she wasn't eating for the past 2 days. I was still able to talk to her. She avoided being brought to hospitals but that time, I told her that I will bring her to one because she wasn't eating. I will never forget the look on her face when she grimaced and nodded. I felt that she knew that there's really something wrong with her and she's just doing her best to hide it so that she wouldn't be a burden. Tears started to roll down my face at that point.
While my dad was driving and taking us to the hospital, she started to talk to me. She often made inappropriate jokes before and that time she asked me if I can go with her. "Where?" I said. "To Hell." she said with a weak grin on her face. I sighed, laughed a bit as I always did, just held her hand, and hoped that everything would be alright.
We got her to a hospital and it all went downhill from there. I understood what was happening, what the doctors are saying, what the diagnostics showed. She was old. Her organs were failing. It was devastating to accept the inevitable.
When I was working as an ER nurse, things like these occur almost daily to the point of desensitization. I thought that I would be prepared if anything like this happened to me but I couldn't be more wrong.
I couldn't stop crying. She was still responding, though weak, I saw that as an opportunity to tell her that I love her to which she responded with "I love you, too." A bittersweet moment filled with regret for not being able to record it for other loved ones to see or hear. That memory will forever be engraved in my mind. It was unfair that I was the only one there to hear her last words.
Other family members, her sisters, arrived just as she was starting to close her eyes. She gave a bit of a nod and closed her eyes. Us, not knowing that she would never open them again.
Code blue. This image of her with all the contraptions. Code blue. They tried to revive her. Code blue. But there was this cold feeling throughout my body when I heard the words "Code Blue" and I knew that she was already gone.
Surrounded by her loved ones, she left this mortal world. I can only take comfort believing that she's not suffering anymore. I used to think that there's only nothing after death but now, I have faith that we could all be together again...someday.
A week after her death, I wanted to take her up on her offer and follow her wherever she was but that would be too selfish and I know that she wouldn't want that to happen. How fucked up is it that even after doing what I could, I still feel that I could've done so much more. I think that if I looked at it objectively, or if other people did, then yes, I could've saved her. I blame myself. If I did not leave, maybe these things would not happen to her. If only I was a better nurse, then things might have been different today. There are so many things that I know I could've done right but I didn't...and now it's too late. Do I even deserve to be a nurse when I couldn't even take care of the person that I loved so much?
But then again, knowing her, she wouldn't want to leave us broken and unable to move on. She would always want all of us to be happy. She would always put other people's happiness above her own. Always.
I couldn't help but think that sometimes, we take people that we love for granted only to realize that there's nothing more important than them and the time we spend with them when it's too late and they're already gone.
I hope it will get easier someday.
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self.offmychest
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I Can’t Share My Food I grew up really poor. I wouldn’t know when my next meal would be or if there would be enough. I’m always afraid I won’t have enough food so I save it. I deliberately have something at hand somewhere or in some form, be it instant noodles or leftovers in the fridge.
That’s why I hate it when my SO eats my food without asking me.
I get this moment of panic. Then I get angry. I just hate it so much. Why can’t you get something else? Why couldn’t you ask me first?
Idk it’s so stupid. It makes me want to cry sometimes. I don’t know why it bothers me so much, when my situation now is so much better than my childhood. I just can’t help it.
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self.offmychest
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How to deal with friends being sad? I'm 19M with anxiety, and I'll often talk online with my friends and girlfriend. However sometimes they get sad / down (life, work, school, etc.) and I feel like I'm getting a panic attack when it happens. The worst is when they cry / won't respond and are far away so I can't go visit them in person and comfort them. How do I deal with my anxiety when I can barely help others? Are there any good ways to help comfort people? I know it's best not to pester / solve problems for them but I wish I could do something.
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self.Anxiety
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My thoughts never go away and I'm tired of it. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I honestly think I'm just going to kill myself I just don't get that when things get shitty, it comes at full force. Like getting hit by a fucking train.
It wasn't good enough that my friend was a bitch to me when I was driving her home a few days ago, wasn't enough when my family got invasive and possessive and controlling. It wasn't enough that my boss who I can usually go to when I feel shitty, called me and bitched me out for no reason and told me to fuck off. It's not enough that I forgot a major component for my final exams and had to run to and from my college to deliver it. It wasn't enough that I also lost my glasses and had to come back. It wasn't enough that my friend bitched me out for venting about my life (her included but not named) online. It's not enough that my other friend who agreed to let me vent to her today, canceled on me. It's not enough that no matter where I go my mom is calling me up the ass. It's not enough that I don't have space. It's not enough that I don't have silence. It's not enough the I already have no idea what I'm doing with my life. It's not enough that I have no idea if I have a job or not. It's not enough that I'm single and have been dating but each guy hurts me more than the last. It's not enough that my family is controlling and verbally harasses me. It's not enough that I already have no one to talk to. It's not enough that my therapist keeps canceling our appointments. It's not enough that I'm broke and can't afford school and my bills. It's not enough that I'm alone and want to just rot
So when will it finally be enough to where the universe fucking stops adding things to my already full, and cracking plate.
I'm done.... this is the last post.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Just sent this to two close friends I know you can't be my therapist, but I'm completely depleted of all hope. I have no faith that any further effort on my part will change anything about everything that I find unacceptable about my life
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self.depression
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What doctor do I see? Long time sufferer of anxiety and depression. Currently not medicated and not seeing anyone about it. I'm in the midst of trying to get back on my feet after a mental breakdown but I'm spiraling. I'm starting to get the impression there might be something more seriously wrong with me. I don't want to get into it. I just need to know who to see. I've been to many psychiatrists. But they won't hear me out for more than ten minutes at a time before suddenly knowing what to prescribe. Im not against medication. But I need someone who will at least hear what I have to say, and listen to what is happening to me. Ask me questions, and if they can, diagnose me. Is that person a psychologist? A therapist? A psychotherapist? I feel so weak and stupid when it comes to this stuff. Can someone please tell me what worked for them. Who do i talk to? I desperately need help and I need to tell someone what's going through my mind.
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self.Anxiety
|
Lindsey Lohan is incredibly hot in the movie Mean Girls. Me and my friend wanted to watch a movie we could tear apart for being cheesy and corny, and we thought Mean Girls wasn’t going to be good. We were making jokes about the movie until about a fourth of the way through, where I just told my friend “ok, it’s actually a good movie”, and we just stopped making jokes and enjoyed the movie. But whenever Lindsey Lohan was talking, I was transfixed. She’s GORGEOUS in this movie. I don’t even know if this is the right sub, but she’s literally gorgeous. She looks flawless! I know it’s probably just make up, but I don’t really care. Damn.
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self.offmychest
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I keep relapsing I keep falling into the same routine of extremely excessive time spent on video games (10 hours plus) and trying to avoid reality. Killing myself is sounding more and more enticing. I've gone off the deep end. Doing my laundry is an existential crisis i procrastinate and never do. Well, anything productive really. Because I know it's good for me, I avoid it.
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self.depression
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I'm being dragged down by a depressed SO, and I don't know what to do My girlfriend is seriously down, and it has affected me a lot too. I've been on and off depressed for a year now, but now that she has gone there too it's been plain down for maybe two months.
She has then sent me pictures of her leg, where she wrote self hate with a razor. She cuts a lot and sends me pictures. I hate it and it makes me feel 100% useless. Everyday I fear that I might not get a message from her ever again and I don't know what to do.
It's hard to get off bed and go to campus and I often just find myself staring at the clock seeing how minutes pass by. She says that she doesn't want me to say anything or get worried about her condition, but I can't just sit around and watch how she slowly destroys herself.
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self.depression
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When I sit alone, come get a little known, but I need more than myself this time. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I can't talk to anyone except you anymore. My gf (now my ex) left me a month ago because i was too depressing, and so did my best friend. They were two people who i could trust with my shit, both left me because my shit was just too heavy. I don't talk to any friends at all for fear that I will let something slip and scare them. But they move away from me anyway because i don't talk. And if someone says that I can open up to them about stuff, I deny the offer, because I don't trust myself to trust them. I just sit inside these days, playing morrowind, music, or crying. That's why I can't tell anyone about this except you. You don't have to feel obligated to say anything, I don't know you, you don't know me, you don't have to keep talking to me if you don't want to and I won't be heartbroken if that's the case.
tl;dr
I'm heartbroken, alone, crying, cold. and hungry (because I want to be).
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self.depression
|
SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYTHING AM TIRED OF BEEN DEPRESSED , AM SO FUCKING DONE WAKING UP EVERYDAY WITH PAIN IN THE CHEST , TIRED OF LOOKING AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR , TIRED OF FEELING UNWORTHY
AM JUST DONE , I WANNA END IT ALL
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self.depression
|
Last night was the worst and today is no different Last night I couldn’t sleep, I kept pacing, running to the bathroom to puke every five minutes, my heart was going crazy, I felt so hot and sweaty, I had intense depersonalization, like nothing was real and like I didn’t exist. I got a nosebleed and laid down and somehow fell asleep. When I woke up I still had that sinking feeling in my stomach. I had to go to my aunt’s with my dad and as that’s when it hit me like a ton of bricks, in the car, we’re gonna die and like nothing is real, like I’m having a heart attack. Right now, I’m trying to sleep but my heart is going crazy and I keep getting that intense fear. I have to take an exam which means I have to wake up at 4:30 to catch a train and last time I missed that exam because I had a panic attack on the train, it was so fucking scary, first time an attack was that bad, I ran to the bathroom, kept splashing myself, kept yellig that I was going to die. When the train stopped in the first city after mine, I was taken to the ER, my blood pressure was very high, my heart beat was 140, I was shaking and crying so badly. They thought it was an allergy attack(and that’s what I thought at first). On the train I got a Diazepam from an old lady and in the hospital they gave a shot for my allergies and the blood pressure and that was how they calmed me down. I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this tomorrow. I need to go to the hospital but I know my parents will think I’m just using it as an excuse but I have studied a lot for the exam, it’s just that I feel like I’m coming apart. I’m not on any medication currently and I’m not in theraphy.
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self.Anxiety
|
How to get over petty regrets? Last summer I went on a two day trip to Berlin with my mom. It was quite awesome and definitely a huge help mentally, but I just realised that I didn't take any photos of the two of us. I took photos of my mom and I have a few selfies but none with her. It's a silly thing and I know I'll always have memories of that time, but I keep beating myself over it.
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self.depression
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Everybody always offers to help until you need it [deleted]
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self.depression
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Dealing with Depression over Christmas Break Christmas break is coming up (like 2 weeks) and pretty much every year I stay in bed all day. Most people look forward to hanging out with friends and going places but I dread it. I have no friends and I don't know what to do, but I hate staying in bed. Anyone else have the same problem? How do you deal with it?
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self.depression
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I tried D-vitamin supplements for a few months and it might have helped When I was at the doctor's a few months ago I was told that I had D-vitamin deficit. So I was given the instructions to take some extra D-vitamin for a few months and so I have done now.
I have had social anxiety for a very long time and general anxiety (still do but it is manageable). However the last months I have felt pretty good, especially about the social anxiety. Now D-vitamins is not the only thing that has changed in my life during this time. I have gained friends, new hobbies and started exercising more. But I like to think that the D-vitamin might have had a hand in helping me with all this. So I would just like to give you all a humble recommendation to check your levels at your doctor's to check if you have any deficit.
I have been taking 10000 IU of Vitamin D3, daily, that is 250µg (micro grams) each day.
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self.Anxiety
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Confessing DAE.
When I start dating or making new friends after a few meetings or dates I get this compulsion to confess my BP2.
Not reveal. Confess. I must talk about my extended breakdown and bipolar mishaps. The messy jumble pours out of me. Or maybe vomiting is more apropos.
Either way this impinges or cuts off the nécant relationship.
Does anyone have any pro tips about dealing with this what I think may be is self shaming? Or just comiserate.
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self.bipolar
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Great deal, now on. Info commercial voice:
Do you have a nagging feeling that life's not worth living? Think you're a piece of shit and are incapable of positive emotions? Ever think why dream, you'll only be depressed tomorrow and for the foreseeable future? You are an epic failure at being a human?
Well I have a trick for you! Post on Reddit and see that you're not alone.
See when you realise that this is a state of being, often dubbed an illness, that a multitude factors (individual to you as well as shared by others) cause you to feel this way,you can see that you're not really a piece of shit and that you can live through low points with self respect. And well, even accept them and validate them as meaningful real experiences! Now this isn't easy, in fact it's really very difficult. But to remember that your worth it and that you don't deserve to rot in a pile of your own fluids is the way forward ;)
So try it today! I did and I feel a little better. And that's a big difference.
Edit: this hasn't had the reaction I anticipated..
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self.depression
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Dysthymia makes me feel like a phony. I can still function, for the most part. I'm embarrassed to admit that I've had trouble doing many basic things lately: I haven't showered in a week, idk how long it's been since I've brushed my teeth, I can't even put my dirty clothes in the hamper. I use dry shampoo and perfume to try and mask my shit hygiene, but I'm sure people know how gross I've been lately.
I've also not done any college work in a few weeks. Fortunately, I've done most of my work ahead of time, so it's not detrimental yet. I can read for my graphic novel class because it's easy, but that's it. I haven't tutored in weeks, I just can't muster the energy or motivation. I just feel so drained that I can't do it.
However... I can still *go* to college. I still go to work, because I need the money and if I called in as much as I want to my parents would get on me. I've had sleeping problems - there have been nights where I can't sleep until 3 or 4am, but I still get up at 7am for class. I can take my tests, and follow along in class. After class for the past few weeks, I can go driving around town. I need to just...do something to get away from people, and so I drive. I feel like if I was *really* depressed, I wouldn't be able to do that. I feel like I've been lying to myself for years, or perhaps they misdiagnosed me. I don't deserve to be called depressed.
Hell, even though I'm always too tired, I still hang out with my friend once a month. For the past few months, I've almost called it off to lay in bed and be lazy, but I still went.
I still fucking hate myself, feel numb all the time, feel that no matter what I do life is hopeless... So clearly something is wrong. But I feel like such an imposter.
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self.depression
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How can you not want to go for drugs and alcohol when suffering mentally? Sure, drugs and alcohol are bad for you.
But I'm suffering from depression, ocd and other mental fuck ups that 200mg of sertraline a day isn't really helping.
And it made me think... Why not wanting drugs and alcohol?
When you hurt your leg, you can stretch it... Put ice on it... Pastes... Pain killers etc.
But mentally? You can't do shit about it.
You can't touch it or affect it.
When a small life event make your depression reach sky high, you've got nothing to do.
So I'm going for a beer. And another one... And another one. Until I forget myself for a few hours and have some fucking quiet.
Or I'm going to smoke something.
Just to numb the pain. Because you can't treat your heart with aspirin.
So how can I not be drunk - addicted?
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self.offmychest
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Tips on how to get through this... Been having a really hard time. I feel ungrateful for even saying that, because I know I “should” be happy right now. I can’t complain about my life, I have a job I love and a supportive family, which is all anybody can ask for and I am grateful for that.
But I’ve been depressed for years. I’m 26 now, and the first time I remember thinking about suicide started when I was 12. Everyone has their shit, but I’ve never been abused or anything. I don’t know where this self-hatred comes from, but I’ve felt it all my life. It consumes me entirely. I don’t understand why children or good, happy people get sick or die while a miserable asshole like me just wishes a tractor trailer would crash into me head on. I almost resent my family, because I know they love me (probably because they kinda have to, otherwise I don’t know the fuck why), but I would have killed myself years ago. I’ve alienated a lot of friends and sabotaged relationships that could have evolved. Self-sabotage seems to be a recurring pattern. Everything feels like too much. I get really stuck in my head, and ultimately I feel extremely negative and narcissistic. I fucking hate myself, I don’t want to be like this, and I know I’m ruining everything that could be good.
How the fuck do I get out of this?
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self.depression
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I guess I know the answer now at least A few months ago I finally worked up enough courage to tell my best friend since high school how I really felt about her. We met in history class junior year and quickly became best friends. We both shared the same sense of humor, would game together after school over Steam and frequently nerded out together. She was one of the only people I felt I could truly be myself around without any sort of "social filter" and she was one of the few people who couldn't care less about all my weird quirks, awkwardness, autism and complete lack of social skills. A few months after meeting her I realized I had different feelings for her than I did for anyone else and wanted more than to just be friends with her but I was never able to tell her how I felt due to fear of rejection and anxiety, despite how badly I wanted to. For over a year I found myself trying to tell her how I felt but always fell short of going through with it with "what if" questions going through my head and how afraid I was that the feelings weren't mutual and that I'd ruin the best friendship I've ever had if I did try and tell her. Finally though, after becoming more comfortable in social situations, getting medicated for my anxiety and admittedly, a little alcohol, I decided to ask the question we all hope to ask our best friends, unfortunately, the feelings weren't mutual. Knowing someone I cared so much about, someone I wanted more than anything in the world doesn't have the same feeling for you is just absolutely soul crushing and I have no idea what to do and it physically hurts to just think about. Everyone else I know is happy together with their other half, starting their lives, getting engaged and married and I have no one that feels that way about me, no one that wants me as anything more than friend, that wants spend time with me and I've just been overwhelmed with this intense feeling of loneliness and no matter how hard I've tried, whether in person or through some site or app, since then I haven't been able to find that same person that makes me feel like no one else does, that shares my interests and want to spend time with me, that I connect with and would want to spend my life with, and I'm wondering if I ever will when anyone would knowing they have the alternative to choose someone who isn't autistic and who isn't crippled with a plethora of mental disorders and an extreme lack of social skills and the ability to interact with others as a normal person and it's just the worst feeling in the world.
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self.offmychest
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Looking for someone platonic to alternate confiding and listening with [deleted]
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self.depression
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I don’t think I can be saved I think that I’m long gone. I’ve seek for help, but it’s been a temporary fix. Counselling. Therapy. Medication. Exercise. Positive thinking. Making things happen. But nothing has gotten me out of this hell.
Throughout my life I’ve been on the other. People on this outside would think I had a good life. Good family. Good education. Good friends. Good sports player. But inside I was dying. I was in groups, but I wasn’t close with anyone. I couldn’t connect. I felt the warmth, but I was still cold.
My 20’s so far has been hell. There have been times where I wanted to kill myself. Knives. Alcohol. Medication... but I held on. I had hope. Hope that my future could be better. I wanted to do something to salvage my life. Each attempt on a brighter life was met with nothingness. Each job attempt was met with rejection. Each friendship and relationship attempt was met with denial. Each sense of hope was met with despair.
I’m 29. My resume isn’t great. Good education but no experience. No entry level jobs will accept me due to lack of experience in that area. No low end jobs will accept me due to high level of education. No jobs in my field will accept me because I need to do a postgraduate degree to be qualified and registered.
I have a girlfriend... or had depending on the upcoming days. Due to my depressive episode, she has distanced herself and wanted time to think about stuff. She has other stuff going on, but the vibe I’m getting about her message is it’s about us nothing being in a relationship anymore. I told her what I’m dealing with and what is happening with me. I did my best to make a better life for myself not just for the sake of her and us, but primarily for myself. But it’s not enough.
I’ve lost one of the two chains that are keeping me in this world last year. Dad unexpectedly passed away. I had to handle most of the funeral stuff and be mum’s rock, not having the proper time to grieve. I don’t think he other chain is strong enough to keep me alive. She has been amazing but all I’ve brought is nothing in return. She deserves better than me. She deserves a better son with a better life and she has that with my brother. Already has a family, stable job, great life. I’m the opposite of all that.
I’ve already thought out my swan song and how I’m going out.
I’ve written out everything that has been plaguing my mind, my life. I don’t think there’s anything else left to say but...
Goodbye
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self.depression
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Sorry Every time I seriously consider ending it all something extreme happens. This past week my dads best friend in the entire world passed away and it was obviously very hard for him to watch him cry. A few years ago my dad himself was going through a time where he left us and no one knew where he was, if he was dead. Both times I have been very eager to end my own life and then this stuff happens and I'm like...you're an idiot people would care about me but also like....sometimes they just doesn't matter like I always stop doing things if I'm not into them so what's wrong with this situation? I would feel terrible but I have to choose between them and between me. Maybe I'm just being a lazy cry baby and life isn't that hard, but it feels like it. And it has been very hard for me to care about my own actions like I'm so close to dropping out of school I don't feel like going! I've known my dads friend forever and Of course I miss him and have to get used to not seeing him but I'm also like...he lived the best life he possibly could have!! He was a great person. There's two emotions inside me like one is like...wow death is weird like people are really gone forever and No one knows what happens next so stay as long as you are welcome you know like don't end it, life is beautiful- and I do whole heartedly believe that- life is beautiful- but another part of me is like...but is it beautful enough to stay? When I'm so heart broken all of the time? But then I think of my dad/ and he's going through so much right now like no one wants to hear that their child died anyway but to mix that in with a close friend dying and family issues it's like...I can't be that asshole.
So I guess this is just a rant. I'm awfully confused. I wish I was a little kid where life was always beautiful and the problems I have now didn't exist :(
Edit: I wrote this on mobile sorry for spelling and grammar errors
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self.depression
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Would bird shot cure my transgender feelings? Should I use buck shot instead or a slug?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don't want to be alive. I don't know when I became such a bad person, but I feel like I am. I don't think I deserve good things. I'm afraid that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. I'm fat and gross and ugly to look at. I could probably lose weight, but I feel like even if I did, I'd still be ugly and no one would want to be with me. I sometimes fantasize about being carjacked or something, so that I could fight back and make the carjacker kill me. Or just driving my car into a quarry or something. Or finding some way to put myself in a dangerous situation that will result in my death. I don't want anyone else to get hurt, understand -- just me. Like, I wouldn't want to jump off an overpass or drive into oncoming traffic, because then someone else might get hurt. And even if they didn't get hurt, I wouldn't want them to have to deal with the emotional impact of something like that. There's no reason someone else should have to suffer because I'm a useless piece of garbage.
But if it's like a criminal or something...I mean they're already fucked. At least if a murderer killed me or something, in a way, he'd be doing the world (and me) a favor.
It feels surreal and...and weird to type these things out, but this is what I think.
I can watch horror movies about scary demons and ghosts and shit because those things don't have a lasting impact on me. Oh, there's a horrifying demon who wants to hunt and kill me? Great, bring it on, I'm ready to die.
I hate myself. I hate everything about me. I have no redeeming qualities. Even the things that feel like redeeming qualities are fucking lies. I feel like I am always pretending to be this normal person who doesn't want to swallow a bunch of pills and fall asleep forever. Like, no one can see it, but inside I'm just screaming "kill me" until my throat bleeds.
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self.depression
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Currently sitting in a parkinglot having a breakdown. Its a horrible feeling when i dont think there is a single person in the world who can come and be here for me right now. I dont have many friends and not much close family either. I tried to reach out but i didnt get any response.
I am not doing well.
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self.depression
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What happens if you tell your therapist that you have suicidal thoughts? I had suicidal thoughts pretty regularly up until three weeks ago, when I started feeling motivated for life again. At around the same time I started going to therapy, and every time the therapist asks if I've ever had suicidal thoughts I've lied to him and said no. The main reason I've lied is because I don't want my family to find out. I've heard of cases where family members or roommates of the individual are told, involuntarily, about an individual's suicidal thoughts/tendencies if they are deemed at risk. I don't want this happen.
Is it up to the therapist to diagnose how at risk I am? I've been doing well at university again and I'm well on my way to graduation, etc. I've never harmed myself or made a plan to go through with anything -- I'd just think "What if I stopped existing or commit suicide?" when it felt like nothing could go right in my life. Is this a factor in his actions?
Thank you.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm a fucking terrible person Not once in my life have I ever wanted to work to achieve anything. Not once. Not once have I ever taken pride in trying to change who I am fundamentally. Not once have a tried to change at all. I cannot accept my weaknesses. I couldn't as a child and I can't now. I've always been a weak, selfish, insecure person, and I always will be, regardless of whether I tell myself any different. Life is grey, bleak, and meaningless.
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self.SuicideWatch
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This thing keeps getting in the way of my using gratitude to overcome anxiety. Is it the same for you? I know that keeping a gratitude diary or practicing gratitude meditation is supposed to help with anxiety. However, when I try to do these things I feel guilty that not all the things I'm grateful for are profound. I feel like I can only feel gratitude for things like good health and a happy marriage; I can't "waste" my gratitude on small things like a good sandwich or a funny tv episode. So then I just write the same few big things in my gratitude diary over and over again until I feel numb to them and give up the practice. Has anyone else run into this? I know it's silly. How do I overcome it?
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self.Anxiety
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Just told Mom I want to die. She told me to die. i wanna sleep forever
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self.SuicideWatch
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Hope everyone is having a nice, chilled out Christmas! Fellow nervous nellies, wimps, worry-mongers, stress-heads and fusspots, I wish you a relaxing Christmas.
Though this is, for me at least, one of the most stressful times of year, luckily this season brings the ultimate excuse to sit around and do nothing productive - "but it's Christmas......" And for those who take comfort in busying themselves, there's always turkey to carve and distant relatives to thank.
Feign your best smile when the house is chock full of people (and SERIOUSLY WHERE DID ALL THESE PEOPLE COME FROM AM I EVEN RELATED TO YOU?), enjoy as much of a tipple as you can before the fiery demons of anxiety start nipping at your heels, and eat just enough Christmas pud that you are only slightly worried about getting fat over the holidays. For though I hesitate to claim that ol' Jeheseus' B-day will be clear of anxiety, I hope you all manage to spend time with people who can at least take the edge off.
And for those with batshit insane families that are about as relaxing as being stripped naked and smothered in jam in a beekeeper's back garden, I hope you find a chance to retreat into a quiet part of the house with the rest of us who are hunkered down on Reddit.
Merry Christmas /r/anxiety!
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self.Anxiety
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Can tapering off Effexor cause body soreness ? I was on 225mg of Effexor XR 19 days ago and now on 37.5mg for the last few days. My body and joints are sore, is this a side effect of tapering off ?
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self.Anxiety
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The End I’m probably going to ramble, but just bear with me, yeah?
I’m tired. I’m really really tired. I had been debating whether or not things could actually get bad enough where suicide would become not only a genuine option, but the one I would choose. Needless to say they did, and yes, this is what I chose. In all honesty I’m glad this is where it ends. I’m tired of being numb. I mean I don’t feel a fucking thing. I genuinely couldn’t care less about anything. Going from someone who cared about anything and everything, and loved everyone, to this... it’s just twisted. I’m a perversion of who I was. Nothing made that more apparent than the choice I made today. I decided to alienate everyone close to me in the worst ways I possibly could, just to make this easier for them. Could you say that means I still care? Maybe. But a year ago I never could have brought myself to do that. It’s shocking to think that things have gotten so shitty in a single year. But I’m glad they did. This is the first time I’ve been able to think clearly since everything started. I guess being close to the end is a kind of freedom. There’s a loaded Glock less than four feet from me, and I genuinely cannot see any reason not to use it to end things.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Bipolar in itself is a full time job and I’m tired. I’ve been on meds for about 3 years now. We all know the game of playing lab rat trying to find something that works. It can take years-I did take me years. I’m on seroquel XR, neurotin, And adderal and this combo has absolutely saved my life. but I’m tired. I’m tired of dealing with the pharmacy and insurance and judgement-just all of it. I’m ready to stop all my meds and be done with it. I’m at the pharmacy every two weeks sometimes more not to mention counseling and medicine appts etc and now that I lost my primary I have to wait for my secondary to update their records to get my meds which I need NOW! On top of that I now need prior auths when I never did before. Why the hell do I have to provide proof to insurance as to why I need meds they’ve been covering for 3 years already? I just want to give up, it’s too much
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self.bipolar
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Hooray it's my birthday again! My wish didn't come true! [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I've been passively suicidal for as long as I can remember, and I just want everything to end... For reference I am sixteen years old.
This is going to be a long venting rambling post, but if you take the time to read it and/or comment I just want to thank you.
Okay, here goes...
My grandmother on my mothers side was murdered when my mom was around seventeen, her side of the family has always suffered with depression and abuse of all sorts. My dad's side grandparents lived through the second world war in Germany and experienced untold horror. I've always felt fucked up and broken, when I was younger (like five or six this started) I was fascinated with the concept of death and absolute nothingness, I would find the quietest spot in my house and I would lie down close my eyes hold my breath and would try to imagine being dead.
When i was 11 shit really went south when puberty hit. I went through a huge depressive episode for almost three years, I stopped going to school, I would sleep like fifteen hours a day and was often only up in the middle of the night. Ive been on anti depressants and mood stabilizers since 13. The last time i felt any sort of emotion was in the seventh grade, and that emption was just me crying and crying for hours uncontrollably. I first asked myself why i dont kill myself when i was eight. That questions has followed me ever since. I think about hanging myself or jumping in front of a bus or taking too many pills almost every day, but i have never tried to kill myself because i don't want to hurt my family. I'm growing tired of having to just keep existing, i often find myself wishing i had a terminal illness and end up finding comfort in those thoughts...
I'm just so done with life... I dont know what to do anymore... I'm three years behind everyone else in school and i just want to stop existing.
I just want this all to end... I dont know what to do....
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self.depression
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Anxiety be like... i'd do anything to be with this girl.. except like actually talk to her [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Hiding my depression is starting to catch up with me [deleted]
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self.depression
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What do you do about a terrible sleep schedule? (Xpost r/bipolarreddit) I woke up at 9pm after falling asleep after 12pm. I’m exhausted a lot and can’t get my life back on track because I have no energy to do anything by the time things are open. I have already:
* Stopped drinking alcohol
* Limited my caffeine intake
* Started drinking “Sleepytime Tea”
* Started to eat healthier(ish...this one is slow-going)
* Tried melatonin to no avail
* Upped my gabapentin, per doctor’s orders
* Read in bed with lights turned low before trying to sleep
And my schedule is still terrible. I keep having to cancel my pdoc appts because I can’t drive that far on such terrible sleep (and I don’t like him, so I’m honestly looking for any excuse not to see him ever again).
Does anyone have any ideas?
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self.bipolar
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For a minute there... I lost myself. Karma Police - Radiohead
Kind of what I experience when I “lose” myself within suicidal thoughts. The music though frees me. What are your thoughts?
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self.SuicideWatch
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How changing your habits can change your anxiety. Okay so I'm going to preface this with the obvious: Everyone's anxiety is different. You could have really good habits and still have anxiety. I'm just speaking from personal experience and my experience of others who also have anxiety.
I believe there is a direct relation between the habits you maintain and the type of thinking you take part in. For example. My mind is extremely distracted all the time worrying about things. I can't focus. But this isn't just something I suffer from. So many people I know who have anxiety have an inability to focus.
I noticed that at the level of my attention, I've never engaged in what I'm doing. Now I either think this is a symptom of anxiety or a cause of anxiety or both. But I believe changing it does have a positive impact on your mental health and even if it doesn't it has a positive impact on the way you live your life and your productivity.
Whenever I'm on the web, I'm constantly going on reddit or facebook and just scrolling. Not engaging in what I'm doing in the slightest. I might as well be a zombie. I've found myself on reddit bored, clicking the browser and typing in reddit. IE leaving reddit to go back onto reddit. Whenever I catch myself out I feel embarassed that I have such little attention.
Whenever I listen to music, I shuffle a playlist of songs that I like and have added to the playlist over the years. I have listen to these songs hundreds of times and are pretty much bored of all of them. I never listen to full albums and always skip until I reach a song I'm in the mood to listen to at that moment. And when I'm on that song I just daydream scenarios whilst listening to it. I never walk anywhere without listening to music and I'm in my own head the entire time, daydreaming the same things I've daydreamed before. I've had it before where I've been extremely productive and feeling great so decided to treat myself and walk home listening to music, only to find when I arrive at home I feel terrible again because I've been daydreaming the whole way back and feel out of control and anxious again. Not focusing on whats actually going on around me.
When I read, I constantly close the book and never get through more than a few pages at a time. Same goes for watching a film. I watch a film in about ten viewings over the period of a week instead of one maintained bout of attention.
The worst though has to be my phone. I'm constantly taking my phone out. I am a slave to it. I'm checking it countless times an hour and going on Instagram and every other social media app under the sun constantly with no real aim or incentive. I wake up and look at my phone and go to sleep and look at my phone. Whenever I feel anxious I take it out and try and somehow distract myself.
And yet despite all of this I somehow think the fact that I have a scattered mind has fallen out of the sky and I just have it by chance. I never thought to look at my behaviours and think maybe they have an impact on my mental health. Don't get me wrong, anxiety/depression is also a physical thing. People do get it purely from chemical imbalances in their brain. But for a lot of people, I think this lifestyle of a lack of attention is key in how are brains work. You are what you practice. If you practice not having focus then your mind is not going to have focus and it's going to spend its time trying to solve phantom problems instead of real ones.
Tell yourself you are only going on facebook twice today. Only go on your phone or computer to do a specific task and then TURN IT OFF after you've finished. Don't listen to songs you've already listened to a million times and are bored of and skip them before you reach the end only to listen to another song of a completely different genre. Watch films to the end. Read books for longer than a few pages. Whatever your hobbies are, BE doing them. Not somewhere else in your head. Let your actions help you. All the things you enjoy doing in your life are on your side to help you beat this. Just let them. Respect the action of reading. Respect going for a jog or the gym. These things have intrinsic worth and are there to help you. Your anxieties don't deserve more attention than going for a walk in the sun or watching a film with your friend/spouse. Think of work as a badass thing that is there to help you and smash your anxiety over. The gym and work arent things to be afraid of or reluctant to do. They are these big bad intimidating things that are there to help you. So let them and bring all your focus to it.
Kinda started rambling at the end there but I hope you guys have a good day!
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self.Anxiety
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Stopping Impending Break Down (Cross Post) Two weeks ago I could feel the manic stage coming on. I gave everyone around me a heads up. I didn't sleep at all Sunday night and went full blown manic Monday. Not all the symptoms but enough to cause issues so I took 3 days off from work and isolated till the worst of it passed. Presently I am still manic, but it's tolerable and I'm able to handle the symptoms.
I was supposed to have my kids all week for the holiday. My wife won't allow it and since it's a civil matter police can't enforce it so there's nothing I can do. That hurts. I was really looking forward to seeing my kids for 9 days and getting to spend quality time with them. I had all this stuff planned. Now I'm just sitting alone trying not to cry loud enough for anyone to hear.
I got fired for an undisclosed reason. I made good money, money I needed for child support, health insurance, paying of my ex's debt in my name, getting my own place. I was three paychecks away from paying off the last credit card and getting my own place. I hate where I live now and it is bad for my mental state, but now I will be here for an undisclosed period of time.
I'm clearly having some event related depression as a consequence of these events. I'm concerned it's going to trigger an episode that's going to put me in the hospital for a couple of weeks. It has before under similar circumstances.
As of this writing the mania is offsetting the severity of what has occurred, but being bipolar for 20 years I know that's not going to last long.
I'm experiencing a lot of the symptoms of depression, but as I'm manic still they are fleeting. I am suicidal. The right people are aware of this. I have no access to means to hurt myself. The compulsion too is fleeting. It surges up, I feel it real intensely, then it goes away. Still clearly manic, on the tail end.
My concern is what's going to happen over the next few days/weeks if/when the mania wears out and I start crashing. Typically for me that's depression. With the events on top of it I am even more concerned.
I am seeing my therapist twice a week to work on this as much as possible until my insurance runs out and I can't see her anymore.
I've called my doc, made him aware of the situation and seeing if there's any medical intervention that can occur to help offset the depression. My current meds are already at the highest level they can be at without making me sick, but as I have no responsibilities I can lay in bed sick for a couple of weeks if need be.
Does anyone have any suggestions on any way I can get a grip on this before I end up back in the hospital or worse? I do get mixed episodes so there is a concern that the mania will mash up with the depression, then danger ensues.
I have some exit paper work from my company I'm having a friend of my sister's look over (he's an attorney). After that I will be filling for unemployment and start the job hunt. I'm laying out a plan to keep me occupied and be productive, but as I've said I did this before and got denied unemployment for being in the hospital, so I have to stay out, even if that means I raise the risk of hurting myself which is a major issues with my depressive cycles. Mania for me isn't so bad, it's the mixed and depressive cycles that are cause for concern.
*I do meditate as long as I can.
*I walk shot distances (meds leave me with no energy but I'm trying)
*I'm seeing a therapist twice a week
*I take all my meds as prescribed and have for 2 years.
*I'm cutting down my sugar/bad food intake
*I worked on my resume
*I've applied for a few jobs
*I journal every day
*I talk to friends and family everyday. I don't like it, but they are concerned because of what happened last time. I can't blame them.
What else can I be doing to prevent a breakdown and end up in the hospital which will lose me unemployment, and hurt me in my upcoming divorce? If he would raise y anxiety med I could just numb out, but that's not good for dealing with an issue, just avoiding it (I have GAD as well). I don't know if there's a medical solution. I don't know if there's anything else I can do. I'm willing to try anything that has successfully helped you overcome tragedies and breakdowns. I don't have much money for obvious reasons, but I still have some because I set a bunch aide for the time I was supposed to get with my kids this week. Now that I'm not going to see them for 2 weeks I can afford something if I think it will help.
To be clear, I'm asking what worked for you. I will try anything. I can feel it coming on like I felt the mania meaning maybe I have a week before my natural cycle overtakes me.
Thanks for any thoughts, ideas, suggestions, anything you can provide.
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self.bipolar
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Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/Adrenal Fatigue? Anybody else her feel constantly tired? I've been feeling really foggy minded and exhausted all day but sleeping doesn't really make it go away. It's gotten to the point where it feels like my short-term memory isn't working so good and that is just making my anxiety worse. I'm constantly forgetting things and feeling like I'm extra sensitive to like and sound. It's been several days and I'm not really even sure if I feel different than when this started. I've even started missing work and it's just adding to my stress. I've looked up my symptoms and the closest thing could find was something called Adrenal Fatigue BUT apparently there are also some people that think it's a completely made up condition so I don't know what to think.
Has anybody else gone through this and have a nice?
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self.Anxiety
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23 M - about to go off the deep end. Plesae someone help. [deleted]
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self.depression
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"it doesn't matter" is the biggest lie i feel like people say to me everything seems to mean so much to me, however small, its just, like that
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self.Anxiety
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Too depressed to go into work, too anxious to call out. I work in less than an hour. I work in a pharmacy and only 1 tech closes everyday. Today is my day to close. Everyone is full time so no one could cover for me. I literally have no choice but to suck it up and go.
Wish me luck.
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self.Anxiety
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holy shit i just made a noose this is the farthest ive ever gotten in a plan. now all i have to do is execute. im going tonight. i guess i should start writing soon.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm starting to think my boyfriend has bipolar disorder, what can I do? We are both in our 20's and have been dating for almost 3 1/2 years, although we were broken up for 7 months total. He knows he has ADHD, anxiety, and depression. Which I also have, anxiety being the most debilitating for me (all under control with medication/therapy and I have been stable for some time now). When he's himself, he's perfect. He's empathetic, romantic, dedicated, and easy to talk to. We could be doing anything at all and still be happy to be with each other. When we have issues, we can talk them out calmly, and he seems genuinely dedicated to "bettering" himself so he likes the feedback. Sometimes, he's extra happy, and extremely sweet, but also makes absolute promises which he usually avoids doing since he's very realistic, but I used to just think he was being romantic. Every year, there's a switch. It starts by him being weirdly narcissistic while also really hard on himself, and being extremely judgmental towards anyone he sees. Then he stops being as attentive towards me, and usually within that week, will completely snap over the most random things (like I forgot to clean out a wine glass). And by snap I mean, yelling, telling me to fuck off, telling me that he hates me, wishes I was dead, punches holes in the wall, etc. It was this behavior that eventually lead me to break up with him, but the first time it happened, it very quickly just turned into depression (which he has never treated). We got back together because he legitimately convinced me he had it under control, and for months he did. Now he's a weird combination of depressed and furious, and then beats himself up after he snaps, until he drives himself further into depression. He’s also really stressed right now since he’s finishing up his last semester at university, but his behavior is starting to look a lot like last year’s. I do not want to say he has bipolar disorder since I'm not a doctor, and I have always been very careful about using that word (as in I don't like to use it all) but what can I do to convince him it's enough of a possibility to seek out help? I just don't even know where to start.
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self.bipolar
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Guilty or not!!? Car accident So my girlfriend and I were driving to go see her family, and there was a ding on the gps and we looked down and boom TAP. When we crashed we weren’t even going 5mph because there was soooo much traffic and we ran into the back of an 18 wheeler. We hit the crash bar on the truck but literally nothing happened to the truck. We waited for a couple of minutes and the driver never got out or put on hazards and we knew the damage wasn’t bad on our car. We feel guilty but should we? The guy never knew, there was no damage done to the truck, and we waited for him to get out or put his hazards on but he never did so we eventually drove off. We feel really bad but didn’t know what to do and can’t really do anything thing now. What would you have done?
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self.offmychest
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Just looking to vent about today. I went to the doctor(a quick clinic), not because of my anxiety but to make sure my cold hadn't morphed into bronchitis or something. The doctor walks in and wants to hear me breathe. Puts the stethoscope on my back and goes " oh no! You are breathing all wrong. No wonder you have anxiety, you need to change how you breathe. " For like half the time I was there she lectured me (and had me practice) deep breathing... While I was there because of my cold. It's been 20 something years since I've been diagnosed, 4 psychiatrists, more than a couple psychologists and counselor s and multiple pill regimens and this lady has the audacity to blame it on my breathing patterns while I have a cold? Fuck that, and fuck her.
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self.Anxiety
|
My parents prevented me from finishing high school and now I'm screwed (long) When I was 17, a senior, I wasn't a golden boy but I was on track to graduate early. Then I was shipped to another state and held against my will until I turned 18 and my parents didn't have to be responsible for me anymore. This is going to be a long story and even then I highly doubt I will really accurately explain everything. It's a big messy pile of crap and it's also very disturbing for me to recount.
I have had a sleeping problem all my life and, up to that point, had taken meds for it most of my life. Well I started having really serious complications with the medication because apparently you are not supposed to be on this particular drug as long as I was. I had an open ended prescription to clonidine (not Klonopin) which is a blood pressure medication. I started waking up in the night drenched in sweat, heart pounding, couldn't breath... the doctor told me that my heart was literally stopping in the night and my adrenaline would pump super hard to kick start it and that's when I would wake. I had to stop these pills cold turkey and it seriously messed with my ability to sleep, which in turn messed with my mental stability. So things got pretty crazy.. I got pretty crazy. I was manic, emotional, very moody, paranoid, delusional... all that good stuff. The amount of understanding I received from family was none.
It's like my entire history of sleep problems and the fact that I had just had a seriously bad reaction to medication made zero difference. I was definitely not a poster child... my friends and I smoked weed and would shoulder tap beers... stuff I consider pretty damn normal 16-17 year old behavior. So my parents decided that I was a drug addict, secretly. Nobody actually discussed this with me.
I was told I would be going away for a month to an emotional counseling wilderness program. I was totally not against this at all and though it could help me reset myself after the big sleep ordeal. My friends warned me of other kids who's parents did similar stuff and those kids never came back. I sorta took that as hearsay but at the same time made my parents promise me there was no "missile in the water" and that I would definitely be coming back.
I made my intentions clear. I wanted to go give this program my all, come back and finish high school then go to the nice city college in town. I was promised up and down I was coming back in a month, in time to complete high school that year as I really only needed like a couple classes worth of credits. Again, to be clear, this was all done under the predication they I was just having some emotional troubles and needed a little break from everything.
If you aren't really interested in a little personal history you can skip this paragraph. My dad at this time was almost 2 years sober, off meth/ crack (whatever he could get). He was a reeeeaaaaal bad case. Walked out on me and my mom when I was about 9 and proceeded to go off the rails for 4 years. Even before he left he would just disappear for long periods of time with no contact. Usually for less than a week but once he was gone for 2 weeks. He would literally sneak out in the night and just be gone for extended periods of time. At the end of his extreme 4 year bender he was homeless and I had seen and experienced a lot of things that most people don't as a child and may not in their entire lives. My mom met my dad in a bar less than a year after her former husband had unexpectedly died of heart failure. She was a naive person from a small town who just didn't understand the danger of a total user like my dad. He moved into her life and used her to sustain himself for years. My mom was working and going to school when I was a baby. She quit her job because she came home one night to an empty house and my dad came back with me at 2am high out of his mind. So fast forward that nightmare for about 14 years, I'm a freshmen and my dad's been working on getting sober for a couple years, with some relapses. He lives in a different town now. My mom was at her wits end, pretty much always was my whole life. I think she completely avoided dealing with the death of her husband and has been mentally checked out since. I've never felt close to her and never really felt like she wanted to be. She decided I needed to go live with my newly sober dad. Not long after I moved in with him, in a SLE (sober living environment) with about 6 other people. I would say that was a weird time but my life has never been normal. After a year in this place my dad decided to move in with a lawyer he met on a dating website. I spent 2 years with them, she also had a young son. Things started to get strained though. There were issues between my dad and I that were not being dealt with. He was trying to phony his way into a new life and he just completely started mirroring this lady and he behavior. This is what he does he finds a mixed up woman, and believe me this woman was mixed up but I want go that deep into her background, pretends to be their perfect match and then uses them to advance whatever agenda he has set for himself. We were having very big fights and things were coming out that he did not want tainting his new life.
So off to this wilderness program I went, and I loved it. I absolutely loved it and wish I could go back at times. Hiking every day, learning how to build shelters and fires from scratch literally so far from any civilization nights were pitch black and I saw more stars than I ever new could possibly be in the sky. Working with counselors and a therapist who I felt a good connection with. I felt very positive about my future and finishing school/ beginning college.
1 month turned to two months and one day I was handed a packet. It was for another program. A drug program. A young people's live in rehab. I freaked out. I felt so damn betrayed and completely powerless to do anything at all. I couldn't even run away if I wanted to I was in a completely different state and in the damn middle of nowhere. I had a phone call with the programs bullshit artist who made me feel like this place might be alright. He said they had hiking, pools, a gym, basketball court, a school, blah blah blah blah blah. He also said the length of time you spend there is totally up to you and it's all about getting young people n their feet. I was reluctant but had no choice. I soon found out I was in for trick, not a treat.
This place turned out to be an utter hell hole. You can skip this paragraph if you aren't interested in the details of the program. You woke up at 5 am, or had ice water dumped on you, and you spent the day working, being berated by staff and studying alcoholics anonymous. The pools were in the back yards of staff members. The only contact we had with that water was to clean them during one of our many manual labor periods. We would spend these periods cleaning the "campus" and staff houses as well as clearing the "hiking trails" on someone else's property that weren't for us. If we didn't have anything to do we would just have to move rocks back and forth. This was also a form of punishment.. and believe me they could find reasons to punish you... so basically you would just spend a predetermined amount of time picking up giant rocks and moving them for no particular reason. The gym was an extremely shoddy prison style outdoor set up with one bench press and one of those pull the cord to lift a stack of weights machines. At one point a metal bar fell off the top of that machine and hit me in the head. I had a cartoon size lump on my head and they wouldn't allow me to see a doctor. The basketball court was a rickety driveway hoop out in the street and the school was a room with tables and a couple crappy computers for us to take online classes from a place that I'm not sure is even a accredited. Speaking of which... neither was any staff member at this program. No joke. A program that parents from around the country were paying to fix their kids had zero qualified staff members. Not a single person there had a shred of education in anything relating to running a program like this. There was no actual counselors, no actual therapists, no actual teachers, nothing. I know this because the place was eventually shut down for all this stuff and even put on a cult watch website for the way it was run. This place was so poorly run that a new kid who had clearly been crying for help and saying he needed professional attention was ignored, told to just get with the program and he killed himself in an incredibly gruesome way. The only staff member there who seemed to have a real certification of any kind was the psychiatrist who would only show up to prescribe new residents a bevvy of drugs which in most cases included seroquel. This place also bought cartons of cigarettes for underage kids which we would have to earn by working manual labor on top of the required manual labor we were required to work every day for nothing. "Character building" and such..
I spent a year in this place, totally cut off from the world. I didn't get to see my childhood dog one last time before she died of cancer. That was another one of their techniques. No contact, no TV, no phones, no computers (except the crappy "school" computers which were monitored) no news papers, no magazines, no radios, no letters from anyone but your parents and they would literally go through them before hand and black out stuff they didn't think was "important for your sobriety" or whatever bullcrap they made up. For the first 3 months you get no contact with your parents and then you get a 15 minutes phone call once a week. This phone call is monitored and it is made very clear that if you try and use your phone call to bash the program or ask to go home you will be cut off again. You are given 3 weekend visits with your parents over the course of a year.
You might be thinking, "how the hell do parents go along with something like this?" Ignorance is bliss. Remember these are all parents who didn't want to deal with the hard stuff themselves, or were just emotionally incapable of doing so, and were so eager to pawn there kids off on someone else that they didn't even vet the place that would basically hold them like a freakin jail for a year. The first time I actually got a private word with my parents I tried to tell them how backwards this place was and they just acted like I was being unreasonable.. it was like one of those stereotype television moments where a kid is trying to tell their parent something who just laughs and shakes their head.
I'm actually trying really hard to keep this short and am leaving lot's of stuff out. It's hard to sort out years of a hectic life and sum it up in so many paragraphs.
After a year in this place I was given the option to come home.. but it wasn't a very welcoming offer. It was more like a "if you come back this is the way it's going to be" and I had very little trust for my parents at that point. The other option was another program.. related to the one I was just in but it was not a lock-down style it was more just like a big house where people lived and you were generally free to come and go and do as you pleased but you had to check in with staff and what not. I had made some good friends over the course of that year and many of them were going to this other program. So I went there.
I spent 6 months in this halfway house, got a job, a car and eventually my own place. This was around 2006-07.. if you were alive then you probably see what's coming. By 2008 I was living with a girlfriend and struggling to keep work. My parents were not helping me and my relationship was becoming quite strained. I had been asking my parents for help for a while at that point and was basically told to kick rocks. One day I called and said ready or not here I come. So after being gone for 5 years I went home. 23 with no HS diploma, though I had taken the GED by that point. I was living in the town my dad lived in, as my mom lives in kind of a shit hole... Well it wasn't long before I realized being around my dad was a mistake. My mom has her own issues but my dad is just rotten to the core. So, after a ton of convincing, my mom let me move back into the house I grew up in. The plan was I was going to help her fix up the house and figure out what I'm doing with my future.
As the years have gone by, I'm almost 30 now, the reality of my future becomes more and more clear. I have had mental and emotional problems since I was a kid which have only compounded with each twist in the road. I have made a few attempts at taking classes but my sleep is still a big issue and keeping a schedule is a very difficult thing for me. Not to mention the amount of anxiety I generally feel, which increases just by leaving the house. It is hard for me to concentrate in a bright classroom full of strangers. I was bad at it as a kid, am worse at it as an adult. So I just don't feel like going to school, at least not in a conventional way, is an option for me. Online classes are crazy expensive if you plan on actually getting a degree that way.
I also never mentioned that my mom was 45 when she had me. She is 74 but in good shape. When she's gone, which is a constant lingering fear, I'm homeless. So far I have found zero help or even really much sympathy for my situation. I cannot get a job, who wants to hire a 29 year old with very patchy work history and no high school diploma. Job applications ask you to specify GED or diploma for a reason and I'm tired of people, who usually have diplomas, telling me a GED is the same thing. What am I going to do... start a career at McDonalds at 30? I cannot support myself on that I have had fast food jobs before.
So that's it. I feel like Charlie Brown getting the damn ball pulled away every time I try to kick it. For the last year I am basically a blob. It seems my energy levels have given up on me and I barely pull myself out of bed some days. Worst case I feel I will be homeless and best case I will scrape by in poverty with some terrible job. What the hell do I do?
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self.depression
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Aggressive and mildly violent when in a depressive swing? Anyone else?
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self.bipolar
|
10 years and counting... When I was 14, I was diagnosed as being HIV positive. From what I can gather, it was transmitted to my mother from my father and he left us during my developmental years. I was diagnosed 10 years ago to the day (25th November 2007), and while physically I may be "normal" due to the medication I take, recently it has all started becoming overwhelming for me mentally.
I have to go for regular doctor check ups (to see if the medication is working, check my general health etc), but at my last appointment, it just all hit me: "This is it until I die, every six months, right on schedule, a timed reminder that this virus is still there in my body, and it'll stay there until I die". And just like that I was numb. This is something that only one other person on this planet knows about me, and I can't ever see her not being the last.
My longest relationship was a little under 4 months in duration, and the main reason is because whenever I start to get close to someone and feel like I genuinely like them, the idea of opening up about my condition terrifies me because I feel like they will automatically stigmatize me. I try to be a good person, I have always abstained from having sex because I know the idea of having sex with someone, or (in extreme cases) even touching the same things who has the condition might make people feel uncomfortable. The problem I face is, I can't just tell people the second I meet them that I am HIV positive, but then the longer I leave it and the closer I get to anyone, the harder it then becomes to tell them, so I'm just stuck in this weird limbo where I can't do or say anything.
And it's not just romantic relationships. I hold so much anger towards my father because he did this to me and mother, and he just left, and as much as I love my mother and I would die for her, I know I sometimes sarcastically lash out at her because maybe subconsciously it felt like she was too blame; what hurts the most about that is knowing full well she also blames herself. I've wanted to kill myself so many times, but that would break her, and the thought of that makes me feel even worse, so I just live with this guilt and there's nothing I can do to get rid of it.
Sorry this is long winded, I just feel so alone and I really needed to say this to someone
TL:DR I know that this won't really relate to a lot of you, and I know people can/do have much worse problems, but I just felt like I had to share this. It's just crazy for me to think about the fact that this one thing that I keep in check with a single tablet, this virus which in my current state is near enough impossible for me to transmit, has such a large impact on my life.
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self.offmychest
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my eyes hurt from crying and my chest hurts from dying i’ve been crying for the past two hours and i’m so anxious for no reason, not just like a few tears but like straight up bawling :/ can anyone else relate
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self.Anxiety
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"I want to be alone." when in reality I really don't want to be alone. It's hard being honest with my feelings when all I ever want is company in times of my downfall.
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self.depression
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Need advice on how I(F20) can be there for depressed boyfriend(M21) [deleted]
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self.depression
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Right now, suicide motivates me Every day, I make a bet that I can make it through the day without killing myself.
I am almost certain that one day I will lose this bet, and I don't want to have thrown too much into the pot when this happens. If I kill myself now, I would be the son, brother, and fiance who died. I don't want to also be the father who abandoned his family.
In the past few weeks (and for the first time in my life), suicide has made me feel motivated. It keeps me pressing forward, knowing that if things really go to shit, I can end it. It has spurred me to clean/organize my apartment so that when I die, my belongings can easily be moved out. It keeps my finances and documents organized so that I can write a living will and have funeral costs covered. Right now, these preparations are actually motivating me to make my life better.
I guess I am hoping that maybe, by the time I clean up my life in preparation for ending it, I will have found a reason to keep betting on the next day. As of right now, despite things going well, I'm going to do what I have done every day of my life, and head to bed hoping I won't wake up.
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self.SuicideWatch
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i feel like a prisoner in my own mind [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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One more week! (Some positivity) I'm moving in with my girlfriend in one week (Nov. 18th).
I met her six-ish years ago, and I had a massive crush on her from day one.
Things between us wouldn't have worked out then though. I was 16, and she was 24... the gap in life experience, my being a trans-girl (I didn't know then that she was gay), and potential legal barriers were insurmountable at the time.
But now I'm all grown up with life and relationship experience under my belt, and I'm finally able to stand on her level and tell her that I love her.
Things between us have steadily grown more romantic over the past couple years, and I learned recently that she's been a bit jealous over the Tinder dates I'd been going on.
Over time, I'd gradually come to realize that what I really wanted was a monogamous relationship (poly isn't bad or anything, just more work/time than I can manage)... and that I still wanted to be with her.
I'd never imagined I had a chance (and my fear of upsetting/hurting the feelings of cis lesbians by being attracted to them, didn't help either), and now I realize that I didn't pass unnoticed beneath her radar.
She's been there for me through transition and high school and college (and dropping out of college), and my entrance into the adult workforce, and hitting my 21st birthday... through all those milestones, she's been one of the constants in my life.
I love her, and after all this time it's turned out she's rather into me too; in more than just a platonic sense. I'm flying out there next Saturday to be with her, and I have the love and support and encouragement of everyone around me.
My family, my friends, my coworkers, her family, hell, even the employees at restaurants I frequent are all excited for us.
I'm about to start the next chapter in my life, and I couldn't be happier or more excited.
(Side Note: We're both massive nerds, and I can't wait to snuggle on the couch with her and watch Star Trek and GoT, and play video games.)
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self.offmychest
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seeing psychiatrist soon; was on meds for 2 years, quit and now i need them again. [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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What do i do if TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) doesn't work? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I am thinking very hard about just ending all my pains [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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My older brother is a severely depressed alcoholic. He admitted to me tonight that he's tried to kill himself more than 3 times. I don't know how to help. We talked for about an hour and a half in my car, and I'm still trying to process the whole conversation. We both had an abnormal childhood, but his was more difficult. He's 6 years older than I am. He said that he doesn't feel anything and only starts to feel emotion when he's drunk so he drinks. Then drives home drunk most of the week. The first time he tried to commit suicide was when he was 10 and he said that he didn't know why. He would self harm throughout high school. We are both currently stuck supporting our father who cannot afford the house we live in alone, and this has a lot to do with my brothers depression I believe. He's said that he has seen therapists in the past and taken medication for depression but I don't remember ever hearing about it. At the same time our father is very critical about him, but his intentions are good, our father wants him to stop drinking. I'm sorry for horrible formatting I'm on mobile and my brain is completely scrammbled. As far as I know our dad doesnt know about the depression or the suicide attempts, just the alcoholism. The last suicide attempt was 2 months ago.
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self.depression
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I told my parents I was seriously thinking of Suicide on my 15th birthday. My dad told me to do it. My mom cried. Its been 7 years now: not a normal jolly life. I am scared I will kill myself now not because I had my fill of life and but because I am depressed.
Should I do it?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm a worthless idiot and deserve to die Ever since I was 12 I was bullied, I was called ugly and told to kill myself. My bullies would beat me up, while their friends would laugh. The girls at my school told me that I'm so ugly that they would rather die than be my friends. I was told that I would die alone almost everyday. During my final year at high school my best friend moved away and I was alone in the last year of high school.
Now it has been threeyears since I finished high school but I still don't get over it. Everyday I think about them and think about how weak I am. They were right. I am 19 now, I have never had a girlfriend, I never tried talking to a girl after high school because I fear and know what they would say "you are ugly, fuck off", I never went to parties because I am afraid of getting beaten or bullied there. I feel like I'm just to ugly and worthless to live.
goodbye reddit and goodbye world
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self.SuicideWatch
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There is so much I want to say, but... There are many things I want to tell him, like how he hurts me with of the things, how I feel abandoned. It’s not that we are a couple, and I often feel silly about it all and how inappropriate it is of me to act like we are in a relationship. And then I feel bad and that my feelings are unwarranted.
It’s just that has meant some much to me. I never really had anyone to open up to until I met him. He made me feel it ok to talk to him about anything. He even offered his home for me to stay should there be a need when we were talking about a situation I was facing. I can’t even put on a fake smile anymore in front of him, like I can do with others.
But now that he had started his own business in another city, I feel like I have lost my best friend. It’s not that it’s to far a ride to see him. I drive there almost every week just to hang out with him and his husband. I even helped out on different occasions on events. But after a few years, I feel line I’m the only one who is putting in effort in maintaining the friendship.
He is kinda a workaholic. He is always busy with something. Be it work or their house they’re renovating or their many pets. So even when I have something that needs to get of my chest, there is almost no time for him. He would often ask me to go with him to the back of the store and talk, but he would even then be busy with something for a customer. Growing up my parents had a business of their own and I have learned not to bother someone when their working. So, even when we are in the back, I don’t right to talk to him while he’s busy. Not to mention that I would often feel like he’s not paying me enough attention.
Then there was that episode when I posted something worrisome on fb. He was on a trip at the time and I didn’t knew. He asked me if I was ok, and I didn’t really answer and said that he would be able to help from where he is and to enjoy his trip. His last message was that we would talk soon. I still have no idea where he was at the time, but that’s not important. But after that I was waiting for him to let me know when they were back. I didn’t ask because I didn’t want to bother they on their trip. But I still haven’t heard from him after more than a month, even on my birthday. He was back for sure, because it has been so long and they have a business to run. So I’m hurt that he doesn’t let me know he’s back.
His husband had jokingly introduced me to others as his stalker. But it feels like more and more that I’m just that and nothing more.
I want to tell him, yell at him. But today when I went looking for him, I did know what to say anymore. He hasn’t seen me since August and we didn’t even greeted each other like we used to. He did even seems to notice that I was sad. So I left shortly after and had to hold in my tears during the 45 min ride home, as to not get in an accident. Although I didn’t mind getting in one at the time...
I just don’t know what to do now. I have always been alone. Parents were busy, never really had anyone to confide to, learned to work things out on my own. Then I met him and I opened up. And now I feel more lonely than ever. And the worst part is he doesn’t seems to notice or care.
I have wondered very often this past year what would happen should something happen to me. How long it would take for people to notice and find me. I now kind of think I am one of the people who’s dead would be discovered after months, when there is not much left of me.
Sorry for ranting like this. I just needed a way to let it out. Not that I feel better now, but at least I don’t feel like exploding anymore.
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self.depression
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Was told by my mental health nurse he doesn't think i'm depressed He's also dropping me after our next appointment because he doesn't know any solutions that can help me. I then asked him if i could start seeing someone higher up than him too help me but he said he's the best support possible.
I have no idea why he thinks i'm not depressed, am i too polite? Do i seem happy to everyone else? I have no fucking clue.
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self.depression
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thoughts on loneliness? I’m getting unusually comfortable with being lonely and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. Is it healthy to be this content with loneliness? I grew up very independently and got used to doing things on my own and for myself but never really thought of it in a negative way until recently
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self.offmychest
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I want to do it tonight I’m in too much physical and mental pain. I literally hurt because I’m so sad and alone. Nobody will help me. Spent years trying to date and dating apps and I have never got a single positive response. I’m kidding myself if I think I’ll ever be happy. I think I finally have the courage to end it now.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I know I'm married so why? throw away for obvious reasons. just venting - not sure what advice can be given but feel free whatever
so.. i'm married. i've been with my SO for 7 years now. he's an amazing man, has always been my rock and has helped me through truly dark times in my life. I know I've been there for him too especially with circumstances involving his family. anyway we've had a very "fairy-tale" like marriage since the beginning. we still do, really. he helps with dishes and takes out the trash. he kisses me every day, tells me he loves me every day. i always ask what he wants to eat for dinner, because i'm always eager to try cook a new dish he's interested in. he's always so nice, isn't the type to yell but definitely the type to cuddle. he says please and thank you, always, and his smile lights up a room. he kisses me every time he sees me and is honestly the most amazing person I know. and i'm so. fucking. lucky. to spend my life with such an excellent person.
so why am i interested in this other person i met less than a year ago? a person i met online, at that? i've never even seen this person face to face. how did this even happen?
so we had this conversation about how we felt about each other (me and the not-SO) last night and i get sudden terrible pangs of guilt about it today every time I even look at my SO. my best friend. i love him more than words could ever express and if I ever thought myself lost, I would walk endlessly towards a starry-filled sky hoping the light would somehow lead me back home to him. Because he is the only home I know.
So how did I go astray, and get lost so far out here anyway? we've always been happy. taking fun trips together, venting about work on our way home, debating what fast food is for lunch today or "arguing" over who gets a massage first when we get home. and it usually doesn't end at a massage ;) we definitely get a lot of intimate time together so...why is this other person even in my head? how did this happen? I don't know how I ended up here.
I told "Not-SO" I couldn't do it when we spoke earlier tonight. I can't ask my husband to consider polyandry (skipping some backstory but long story short, hubby is open to another female partner but not male and even so, the last conversation regarding this was approx 2 years ago -- told Not SO in a drunken state i would discuss polyandry w/ my SO today)
I can't ruin this. I choose my husband but the guilt is still there. Why? Because I know I'm greedy. I know that deep inside I wish my SO believed in polyandry so this would be a non-issue. Sigh.
TL;DR I developed an emotional connection with a man online. We happened to both be drunk and online at the same time - fessed up to some feelings, like liquid courage will always do. Told online man I would discuss polyandry with SO and essentially try to be a big happy family. Backed out when I woke up sober and realized SO would never go for it. Still feel like I suck as a person for hurting my friend.
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self.offmychest
|
Rapid cycling or mix state? Hello, i think i may be developing bipolar 2 after having a less severe hypomania state two months ago (followed by consistant mild depression) and then a more severe hypomania state last week (followed by severe depression until today). Then today, i cant tell whats going on. I've been bursting into tears randomly and feeling hopeless, but i also have energy and im starting to get that buzzing hypomania feeling in my body, plus music is starting to seem really intense and pretty. Is this the beginning of rapid cycling to hypomania /again/ after only a few days of depression? Or is this a mixed state?
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self.bipolar
|
Terror attacks don't phase me anymore I saw the headlines on today's attack in New York about 3 hours ago, but it took me until just a few minutes ago to realize I didn't even bother to click the article when I saw it. I just sort of tacitly accepted that, indeed, another terror attack just unraveled in the US. But I went on scrolling through my feed as if I'd find something more interesting or important, like cat videos or memes. It's insane to me that this might've ranked as a national tragedy back in the day... what have we come to?
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self.offmychest
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I need someone my ex? thinks I'm insane. i made a mess of my entire life. i feel like a fuck up i feel like there's no way out mostly i don't want to feel.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I wish there was an answer I wish I knew how to get out of this. I hate my brain for how it ruins everything. I can't be happy no matter how fucking hard I try. Meds don't help and can't fix this. What am I going to have to be on medication for the rest of my life???
Nothing works, nothing helps, therapy is bullshit.
The only way out is, well yanno, but... I don't want to do that. I want to live but not like this
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self.bipolar
|
Panic attacks when sick? Do you guys tend to have more/worse panic attacks when you're sick?
I've only had a few panic attacks in my life and the last one was years ago. I'm constantly anxious, but it's usually stable. However, I've been sick with tonsillitis for a few days and for some reason, the fever really makes my anxiety unbearable... I'm shaking, I can't focus, it really feels like the storm is coming :(
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self.Anxiety
|
I finally open up about my depression to my dad I opened up about it and finally told him and he didn’t believe me. He said I was using it as an excuse for my grades slipping. When it was the exact opposite my grades were slipping because I didn’t care about doing anything because I was so depressed.
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self.depression
|
Quick Survey For People Suffering From Mental Disorders If you are suffering from any mental disorder it will be apreciated if you complete my survey.It takes less than a minute and it is completely anonymous.I can't reveal the subject of the survey because the results may be affected.Hope that everything will be okay! Thank you!
https://s.surveyplanet.com/rkirssAKW
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self.depression
|
I succ at life, i whished i could be more open to other people, and most importantly have friends Been browsing this subreddit for about half an hour for some emotional support, but I only felt even worse, so I decided to make a post to get some help.
(After finishing writing: I apologize for the over use of "I" and "I'm", I'm not used to write in English this much. And even if not many people respond I do feel better just by writing my problems and posting them, I know they aren't that serious as other people in this subreddit, but I feel really troubled)
(For some context I'm from Chile, male)
I know my life isn't over yet I'm only 17 but I am feeling destroyed this week, I have 0 friends, I do know people but only from Highschool and it's really small, it only has 20 students per class and only one class per grade, I stay home on weekends and after school, the only times I'm outside is when I'm going to school or leaving school, I enter school @ 8:30 and go home @ 18:20 so I don't have much spare time either.
I was fine being alone, but the past months I'm feeling like I will be alone forever, all my classmates do stuff on weekends and go to parties almost every day, I'm left out, I don't like that kind of stuff, it's not like I don't like being around them, they are nice people, it's just that i would meet people more like me, but I don't know anyone outside school.
I spend most of my time on YouTube and I like it that way, but I need to change or else I won't have any future.
I think one of the biggest problems in my life is the fact that I'm gay, or that's what I think? And I don't have someone to support me in coming out to my "friends" (classmates) I told my mum last week and she supports me but I'm terrified of what others might say, because you can't undo this things, once it's out it's out forever, + my country is pretty homophobic, most of my classmates have positive opinions about homosexuality, but I don't want to make things weird, but non the less coming out will drop some heavy weight from me, I'm thinking telling it to a girl that is quite "close" to me.
I know I have plenty of time, and that I'm not that lost but on Monday I had a existencial crisis about death and because I am atheist it terrified me, thinking that I had already lived 1/5 of my life without doing anything, on Wednesday one girl from our class started crying and like 7 other girls went to help her, I exploted whit jealousy, in philosophy we are Taking about life and how to succeed by accomplishing certain stuff in your life time, I have 0% completed and at the end of the "failure" route was regretting your life choices, and today the last grade graduated from school and I have 1 year to graduate and I'm scared of being alone in the adult world, so I started to desperate but writing this has been really calming, I'm feeling more relaxed.
but I do have to do something with my life before it starts collapsing, I don't want to end up alone forever.
|
self.depression
|
Current situation Im 15 years old, ever since a young kid I felt that I got anxious when talking to people, it felt the longer I talked, my heart rate would increase and i would look down and my words would all jumble up. I also felt that i had to say things when with classmates, most of the time they would sound stupid and I would get bullied and teased daily for it. In my head i felt like I new how to be normal but it frustrated me that i couldnt fit in. This was around year 9-10 (13-14 years old)(this was also the time when my psoriasis started on my knees and spread everywhere). As of right now Im in my second week of the school holidays, ive just scraped by for ncea level 1, with the help of a doctors note saying that I have an anxiety disorder, which helped me get a standadized grade for the exams i didnt go to. I started on anti-depressants a week or two before the exams, I smoked on them, I drank on them. I literally just tried to fit in with the crowd which I feel like ive always tried to do. Now im off them and have been off them for around a week, i feel worse than ever, I feel dumb, ive had this brainfog for years (feels like there's something inside my forehead) dont really want to leave the house and just yesturday I went to the supermarket and i literally couldnt function, I didnt know what i wanted or anything, at the time I was having this negative cloud of thoughts I couldnt even understand.
There is no structure to my writing or anything, I also feel so fucking dumb and my memory is terrible and my writing has literally gotten terrible. Im obsessive, about stupid things. I wake up in the morning feeling like shit. I regret smoking weed on those anti depressants because i feel like it fucked me up even more i just need to let go. I regret so much dumb shit ive done but I know i should just let it all go. Ive been seeing a therapist. I have moment where i feel ok or even good, i try to let my thoughts just be. I tell myself that was a negative thought move on. Everything just seems like shit, sometimes i dont even have that brainfog and i can just function normally but i still have this cloud of negative thoughts. I was literally down at the beach with a friend tipping over a dinghy and jumping off it and swimming in the water but even that didnt stop my negstive thoughts, its gotten to a point where it feels like nothing I do stops them, but i know its not true.
My therapist says that if i smoke anymore I could risk having a psychosis or become skizo. I honestly dont know how i got to this point. I feel like my anxiety is literally controlling my life.
Ive got to realize that ive done so many good things in my life and that the majority of the bad stuff thats happened was literally out of my control, it was the anxiety.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm so tired of myself and how i can never be happy more. I had a great weekend, i was social, happy, joking around and people laughed and that's a nice feeling. But i always have thousand of thoughts running through my mind. It's never quiet and i always overthink and overanalyze stuff. After this good weekend i'm left feeling even more depressed, it's like a "post-party depression" times eleven. Thing is, after my ex left me almost 9 months ago my normal state of depression is worse than ever. I miss her everyday and i think about her as often. I also think about ending my life very often because i know it will never be good again. I will never find someone who will love me because i'm a ugly fat asshole and i don't have the strength to change because i know it wouldn't really matter in the end anyway. I just want it all to end because even if i'm happy for short periods of time, the "hangover" isn't worth it and being depressed all the time just doesn't work out for me anymore. Life isn't worth it.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
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