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I feel so sick but no one believes me because I have anxiety Please help
I am 1000% sure something is wrong. Not life-threatening but just, I’ve got a weak stomach or acid reflux or something and it’s just debilitating me.
My main problem though is that my boyfriend, my parents, everyone thinks I should be able to get up and walk around and be fine because I’ve had these kinds of symptoms from anxiety and depression before and if it’s just anxiety then suck it up, right?
The thing is, I haven’t had bad anxiety for a long time. Ever since I left school, I’ve felt much more in control of my fears and my emotions, I’ve had a happier outlook on life and I’ve been happier overall.
But now, it just seems like every time I’m sick, if I’m nauseous or dizzy, it has to be my anxiety. And if I don’t try to plough through that kind of problem, I’m letting anxiety ruin me, according to my family. I know they don’t get how real it feels when you’re sick from anxiety but I know the difference in myself. I know the difference between anxiety-sick and having an illness caused by something else. It’s just as debilitating either way and I believe it should be treated the same, but it is different in me and I know when it’s one or the other.
If it helps, I just started taking a new birth control that’s a bit stronger than what I was on before, so I’m relatively sure that’s why I feel bad RIGHT NOW. But it’s still bad enough that I can’t do much for myself, and I just don’t understand why they can’t believe that. I think they must see me as a burden or something because it seems like they don’t think I’m worth helping if my problem stems from anxiety rather than a different(“real”) illness. and they’ve decided they are the judges of that, not me or my doctors. I just don’t know what to do.
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self.Anxiety
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Was doing better But now I'm down again. I don't feel like I can be myself anymore. My family I married into is christian, I am not. I'm more spiritual, mystic, open to other things etc and they are not. I feel like every time I open up a bit I just hurt them with who I've become. Running away seems like the only option but I don't want to do that. Help me.
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self.depression
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DAE find reading therapeutic? Interested in a bipolar book club? I’ve been rereading the Lord of the Rings lately. Tolkien didn’t intend it as such, but the ring of power is a great metaphor for bipolar disorder; the ring makes people believe that they can harness its power, when in reality its energy is bent towards destruction, and the bearer of the ring wastes away (and in the case of Gollum he retreats from society and light.) It reminds me of how I feel when manic or depressed. Following Frodo’s journey is helping me process how I feel about the disease and am coping with it. I would recommend the series to anyone who can slog through it all. Are there any books that you found therapeutic?
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self.bipolar
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Just coasting with life I'm currently a senior in high school and currently I have no clue what to do with my life. I really hate being the person to complain about their problems, but here it goes anyway.
I recently moved back to my old high school that I attended to for two years, and I thought it was going to be smooth sailing; which it was, for a while. I went to parties, met with old friends, and made it routine to go out every weekend. This went on for a couple months before I started to become uninterested in these sort of things. I eventually withdrew from my active lifestyle and now stay inside a lot. I don't know why I decided to stop, but I just felt the need to.
It was like a switch being flipped. One day I was happy and a very outgoing person, but now I'm not. I don't really know what happened. I now don't have any energy to do anything. I sleep all day, and my day consists of schoolwork and video games (if I muster up enough energy or motivation to even do them). I used to be very good with school work and was hyper focused, but now I'm not. I have no motivation on doing school work whatsoever, and I'm failing academically for it. I don't know why but I can't concentrate on anything anymore (no I don't have ADHD), and I feel too tired to do a lot of things; it's like a heavy blanket on me (it's the best way to describe it). I'm completely uninterested in the things I used to be into (pursuing girls, video games, etc.), I have absolutely no will to socialize or interact with people, and I couldn't give two shits about my future. I used to have a plan for my future, but now I couldn't care about what happens to me. I don't care about my future, and my will to accomplish things is nonexistent. I'm unhappy with my life, and I feel like I don't have a plausible reason for it. I don't know why I feel this way, but I do.
I don't know the exact reason to why I'm posting this, but I just am. I guess I don't wanna feel alone with this feeling that I have with my life. Anyone else feel the same way? Advice? Comments?
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self.depression
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Physical Symptoms of Anxiety Hey all,
Been an anxious person most of my life and have gone through episodes where I've been worse than usual. Now is one of those times unfortunately... I've been to the doctor various times and have had multiple blood and urine tests, and one ultrasound and all came back negative. Im starting to think the symptoms are all related to my anxiety.... my symptoms are; nausea (though this is getting better, it seemed to come on randomly even I'm non stressful times), irregular bowl movements, joint pain, muscle pain (this has jumped all over from my back to my neck and shoulders, to my left glute today), muscle twitching (this is all over too; left eye, biceps, hamstrings, left shoulder blade), frequent urge to urinate even after I've gone (this one's bothering me the most right now). Does these symptoms sound similar to anything you guys might have gone through?
I'm still going to the doc to close out other possibilities, but I'm starting to think it's all being created by my anxiety...
Also I should probably mention that due to my symptoms I've been jumping to all sorts of conclusions; every type of cancer (think all my aches are bone cancer, think my stomach issues are colon or stomach cancer, think that my twitching is ALS, etc etc) which doesn't really help my anxiety dammit!!
Thanks for reading my word vomit.
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self.Anxiety
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how do I stay awake in class I've been drinking coffee since a fairly young age so it's possible that I've built up some tolerance towards caffeine because whenever I drink coffee I still get sleepy. I usually drink coffee before I sleep (it's like my hot chocolate when I'm not drinking hot chocolate). Today I bought coffee (Starbucks, yeah that one) hoping that it would help keep me awake during class since I got a low amount of sleep the night before but I was still nodding off in my seat. I don't know if it's because there might not actually be caffeine in the drinks I'm buying (it's possible apparently) or because I have some weird tolerance towards caffeine (darn younger me). Of course, when I say I drink coffee before bed, I still usually end up sleeping really late (like 2AM for example) because I feel awake and am usually using some sort of electronic device, but not because I have that jittery feeling some people get when drinking coffee (although I'm aware that caffeine affects different people in different ways depending on the amount and the person). Although my late nights might be due to the naps I take during the day. Either way it's a vicious circle of not getting enough sleep (completely my fault if I'm being honest) and then falling asleep during the day only to have another late night because I didn't feel like sleeping. I just want to stay awake during class and to do that I should probably break the cycle but it's easier said than done I guess.
I drank two coffees today but still took a nap and ended up falling asleep in most of my classes and wow I'm suffering in more ways than one
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self.offmychest
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So hurt I suffer from bipolar disorder. I know my story isn't as intense as some of the others here. But I don't think that it hurts any less.
I just feel absolutely crushed and abandoned and in excruciating pain right now. A relationship ended and I know it happens to everyone now and again but with my bipolar disorder, it feels like it hurts so much deeper. I've already tried to cut myself today. I feel like I want to vomit and rip my head off.
I don't want to die, and I won't die from a stupid thing such as a broken heart. But in this moment, I'm at an all time low. I've called the suicide hotline twice now. First person was much more helpful than the second. The second was a little patronizing. I've never called them before today. I just don't know what to do anymore. Everything. hurts.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’m frustrated but don’t want to fight about it [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Contemplated and Imagined to Jump Off A Bridge Not that I was doing it but looking at it long enough to make me imagine of doing it. I was driving to a country through a suspension bridge that serves two countries.
It was pitch dark looking looking ahead the straits, with few cars at both sides of road, you could hear and smell the sea waters with no boats out of sight apart from some lit up buoys. Blinking night lights of two countries - straddles in the middle in a lamp post to wonder how soon will I want to end it.
Anyways, I'm still alive. But these imaginations has popped up more and more - even wondering myself If I want to end it. Somehow a song popped in to my mind about it (from a tv show that I used to watch, and probably loved)
Edit : The song - https://youtu.be/Vy7yuj-UrNI
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self.SuicideWatch
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The only thing that helps me cope with anxiety is being on my phone? Specifically talking to people. Maybe it's a grounding experience? I just find it really easy to cope w anxiety when I'm typing or talking to someone. I think it's unhealthy to be on my phone so much but i pretty much need to be.
Anyone else have a thing they know helps them when they have anxiety? Does the phone help do that for you ever?
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self.Anxiety
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I get the impression that people think that i am mentally challenged / developmentally delayed Hi all. 25F. While I am always preoccupied with what people are thinking of me and how they are judging me when I do basically anything, my thoughts have shifted recently after I began being more open about my interests and hobbies through clothing, accessories, dialogue, and other forms of self-expression. I dyed my hair pink; I have anime/Disney-inspired clothing and a Pusheen knapsack and lanyard; my room is pink with shelves full of Disney, Nintendo, and Hello Kitty items; my bed is filled with stuffed animals; and I own a large collection of Disney Animator's Collection 16" dolls. That said, most people do not know that it is to that extend: most only see the knapsack, hair, etc.
I go into a MacDonald's everyday for caffeine before heading to work/university. Recently, MacDonald's has been selling toys that are to my taste - Hello Kitty, then Mario, and now Pokemon -, and I have been taking full advantage of these promos by asking once a day for the type of toy they have and buying the ones that are not in my collection. After seeing me with a Disney store bag (I had bought a few stuffies that were on sale), I am now known at that store as "Disney", and the way the staff talk to me, while friendly, makes me think that they think I am developmentally delayed somehow due to my interests.
This is disturbing to me because it feels like I'm not allowed to like the things I do. Furthermore, someone near to me made the comment that I am reliving my childhood through these childish interests, and that I am exploiting my excess funds to having the things I want now that I couldn't have before. Some days, I am on the fence as to whether I love my room or am embarassed by it. I feel very much alienated from my self-concept.
To clarify, I do not have any developmental delays. I have a 4.0 average and am on track to graduate from two undergraduate degrees with *summa cum laude* honours. I wrote novels when I was in my preteens with lingering aspirations of publishing one one day. While I do suffer from social anxiety disorder and GAD, and while these do affect my daily life and activities, I give my all for the things that are important to me.
Does anyone else have experience with something like this?
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self.Anxiety
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How do you manage irritability? Communication problems with SO. A constant point of friction between me and my boyfriend is communication. We're still in the early stages of figuring out things about this disorder and how to manage it on a day to day basis, but there are a few things that have recurrently come up.
He keeps asking "How do I talk to you when you're ______?" And I keep saying "Say this, say that", and when he tries to in those situations, I snap at him and get upset with him for speaking condescendingly... or trying to, as I see it, kill my vibe.
Some examples:
* Him: What do I say when it sounds like you're not understanding simple sentences? Me: Ask "Are you having difficulties." Him: I did, and you told me to stop talking to you like a child.
* Him: What do I say when you're hypomanic and super up? How can I get you down? Me: I really don't know. I don't know what you can say because I'll just get angry that you're trying to bring me down. I don't want to stop. I don't want my energy to go down. Him: That's not acceptable. Me: I wish I had something better to say.
I talked to him today about some of the language processing difficulties that I have that are tied to the condition, and I'm going to be sending him some more info on that later today, but I'm sure this problem isn't limited to just me... Does anyone have any tips?
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self.bipolar
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I'm not giving up on life yet, but I've given up on pretty much everything else. [deleted]
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self.depression
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DAE get Nervous when people or the enviorment you're in is silent for more than a few minutes? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Medication weight loss/diet! Since starting meds back in 2015, I had gained 20kg (roughly 44 pounds). There's something about tegretol and intense cravings for carbs and seroquel making me too unmotivated to exercise..
And now I'm incredibly pleased to say that I have lost 8 of those 20kg since September (still medicated, of course!). When I first started taking meds, I stopped due to the dramatic weight gain and then started up again when I came to the conclusion gaining weight for the sake of my mental wellbeing was a small price to pay.
Do any of you guys follow a diet/lifestyle? I've recently started taking lithium with my lamictal, and since starting the lithium I have had to force myself to not eat a whole wheel of cheese...I'm hoping the lithium won't halt my weight loss!
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self.bipolar
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What's your dream? What are your goals? What's your motivation? What pushes you forward? What is your passion? What's your plan? What is your future? What do you want? What are you going to do? Who are you going to be? What do you want to do? What do you want for yourself? Where do you see yourself? What does your future hold? What is your end-goal? What are you going to do? What are you aiming for? What drives you? What makes you want to get up in the morning? What do you hope for? What keeps you going? What do you strive for? What are your ambitions? What is your dream?
I don't know.
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self.depression
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Eat, pray, love When life seems bottomless and you feel like theirs no where else to go, look up. It seems as though life is falling apart a bit and instead of giving in and being depressed, I will choose to eat, pray and love.
I am ordinarily a happy, loving person but I have someone who is trying to get under my skin. I'm not sure they are doing it on purpose but I believe it's time to cut ties and begin new. Thank goodness 2018 is less than 20 days.
Where do I begin? I'm not sure where to start or even if I can make this transition but I know that fear can not rule me forever. I must jump to make a better life. To be the light, to not be blown out by negativeness.
If your going through something similar, I pray for you. I pray that the time it takes to heal is much faster than the time you have hurt. I know my soul could use a good hug. To be filled with real love!
Bethelight 🔆
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self.offmychest
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I keep wanting to post here or somewhere I can be seen, just to get get this catharsis and validation I never seem to get. [deleted]
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self.depression
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How do I get over my fear of the dentist? When I think about going to the dentist... before I even make an appointment I start to sweat. It’s the pain, the sounds, and all the horrible sensations; teeth scraping, blowing air into a freshly drilled hole, being numb, having your jaw pulled! I had a root canal over a year ago, and I never followed up to get it filled, because I could not afford it. It took me 9 months to pay for my stupid root canal and it wasn’t even finished work! Fast forward to now, temporary filling came out and my tooth broke, my nightmares were coming true! Does any one have any advice for getting over my fears? I can’t just let a tooth rot out of my face... but anxiety seems to be the boss of EVERYTHING. Thanks everyone.
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self.Anxiety
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I met with my therapist for the second time. [deleted]
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self.depression
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In need for some positivity Hi guys,
I have been diagnosed with a severe depression 4 months ago and have been working every day (with help from my doctor and therapist) to get better. Which is working yay :-)
But last night I found out that my boyfriend lied to me. When I told him that I knew he lied, he just said that I had to stop nagging and maybe we should call it quits. After that he went to bed wanting to snuggle with me.
I have been awake the entire night, thinking and doubting everything in my life. I feel so emotionally drained at the moment. I really need some positivity in my life. I'm sorry for making this request but I hope (from the bottom of my heart) that some people on the internet will respond something positive on this post. I know it's selfish and not okay what so ever to ask other people to say positive things in order to make myself feel better but it's the only thing right now that I can think of to stop going down with the negative spiral that's starting in my head.
I'm sorry and if a kind soul wants to respond on this post, thank you <3
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self.depression
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Happy birthday to me... Well, I made it to 25 years without a meaningful relationship. I've never even kissed anyone.
Too bad I'm too much of a coward to actually do anything to just end it all.
Anyway, guess I'll drink some more.
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self.depression
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A continuation If you’ve read my past posts, you know that my life has recently turned to shit. I no longer enjoy anything. I used to love music and studying and found joy in every waking moment, but now I just sit in boredom, waiting for the day to end. I slept for 12 hours and just got up, and am now waiting for it to be night again so I can go find an escape in sleep.
Don’t even know what to do anymore.
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self.depression
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Shout out in through darkness to those that are alone today/tonight Almost every day since I was seven years old painful to get through I wish every day wasn’t like this.
This total terror I’m still living decades later is only kept at bay by my wife and kids. I’m lucky to have them or I wouldn’t be here. It made me think of anyone who doesn’t have what I have, who feels like I do every day.
I wish I could reach out and grab your hand. I couldn’t tell you you would be OK, but I could tell you that you weren’t alone and help you not have to be alone.
Best wishes everyone.
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self.depression
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If you're someone who is waiting, please hold on. If you're out there- an even bigger stretch now I know, but if you are-
I wish for you to know that I'm going out of my MIND with wanting to hold you and comfort you. And I will!
I am coming, I am- just as soon as God lets me. Whenever that is... that, I would guess, is between you and It.
But not a day goes by that I don't long to see your face again.
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self.offmychest
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My best friend died of a drug overdose I lost my best friend this past week on 12-20-2017 to a heroin overdose & I don't really know how to deal with it. I literally cried for 2 days straight, the third day, I didn't cry, but just felt completely empty. The third day is also the day that her family & I went to the funeral home to make arrangements, & they let us see her body in the casket, when I saw her, they hadn't put any make up on her, so she literally was blue & looked like she just overdosed.. That was the hardest thing I have ever went through.. I've lost people, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc, but none of those deaths hit me like the death of my best friend. The night before my best friend passed, she wanted to come over, but I fell asleep, so I messaged her when I woke up apologizing & she said it was okay.. I told her I was starting to get depressed again & her response was "call me. I am too, I love you, we're gunna talk it out" .... I never called her that night, I just didn't feel like talking.. The next day, I woke up & found out that she passed away from an overdose. I should have called her that night, I should have not laid down to take a nap, bc she would have came over, I could have seen her one last time. I used to always tell her that she needed to stop doing heroin.. but her response was always "you can't be a hypocrite" bc I do a drug as well, but not heroin.. So I felt like I really didn't have a place to say anything bc I do drugs as well, so I went with her a few times to get her drug, I've watched her do it.. I literally feel like I was the worst friend in the world.. Just last Monday, 2 days before her overdose, She told me that she was sick of getting high, but it was just so hard to stop, so she was going to go back to rehab the day after christmas & I promised her that we would stop using together. & I was serious, I really would have stopped using to support my best friend. I don't really have many friends to begin with, so I feel so alone now that she is gone.. This girl has literally been there for me through soooo much, she knows my whole life, she almost knows me better than I know myself, & she was such a good friend, even thru her addiction.. We knew eachother before the drugs too, so I couldn't wait for us to stop using & get back to the old us. My best friend passed of an overdose & I feel like a terrible person bc all I've done & have wanted to do since she's been gone is get high!! & then I think about I promised her when she stopped, I would too... & techincally she's stopped now, so I feel like I'm breaking a promise. I'm just an emotional wreck & I don't really have anyone to talk to & the people I do have, I don't want to talk to right now.. It feels better just to type my thoughts & feelings out.. Has anyone else gone through something like this? When does it get easier? I literally don't know what to do, I don't know how to deal with this.
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self.offmychest
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Is anyone else tired of having people constantly tell you your suffering isn't enough? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
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I don't know who I am anymore. I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2, personality disorder and dissociative identity disorder.
I took a blow to the head during an army exercise due to my own negligence and stupidity. Ive not been the same since. I hear voices, i cannot control impulsive behavior, I drink to excess.
I hate myself so much. Ive ruined my career in the army. The only thing i wanted to be was a solider, someone who defends the helpless, helps those in need and protects his fellow man.
The only reason keeping me alive is that I dont want to do damage to my family. Even though my family were the ones who fucked me up initially in my childhood. Ive been molested several times and raped twice. Recently my childhoold memories have been coming back to me, due to therapy, and being repressed for so many years and it horrifys me.
Ive never accomplished anything major in my life. I never graduated college, the only thing my parents keep begging me to do, so Im overwhelmed with guilt.
When I did attend college, I loved it. I was a tutor and TA in computer science, I spent my summers interning at a US embassy. I was getting ready to be an officer in the US army.
But then someone connected to me betrayed me. My boss, Cathy, a previous 'friend' of mine, had me fired intentionally so she could hire her new friend.
I HELPED HER GET THAT JOB AND THAT BITCH CUT ME OUT.
I lost my way then, dropped out of college joined the army and now here I am. Ready to slit my wrists and die. My leg hurts from cutting it so much.
I deserve a painful death and then to be forgotten.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Depressed but not super depressed so it doesn’t count right? I think I am depressed. My problem is, is that I can feel so horrible and depressed and it is so real and it feels permanent and legitimate but my mood swings and I’m so optimistic and confident and I feel like I’m ‘cured’ of my depression. Sometimes I’m depressed for months, but sometimes hours. I feel like my depression isn’t ‘good enough’. I feel like it’s illegitimate, and I feel like my pain isn’t valid and isn’t real and doesn’t count because it changes so fast. I’m sick of wanting to kill myself on the weekend and then in counselling on Monday not being capable to fully get across how bad it really is. If someone isn’t there then they can’t get it. And I feel like nobody takes me seriously.
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self.depression
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Life is just fucking meaningless at this point... I don’t have anybody that cares for me, I have zero drive to do anything, and I’m just going through the motions. At this point I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just a massive waste of space that won’t amount to anything on this earth and I’ll die alone. What’s the point of fighting a battle that I know I’m going to lose?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I need to apologize.... I am a young kid (11 almost 12, too young for reddit but it seems like the community is nice!) Who lost thier mom to a brain anyuresm. I make songs about her because it is the only other way i can vent, WWW.soundcloud.com/Snoozezzz (You dont have to listen)
she died two years ago but when she did i remembered everything i had done. I threw tantrums, and whined a lot. But now that shes gone I just wanna apologize and this topic always makes me cry.
Mom, Im sorry, can you forgive me? Thats all i wanted to say.
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self.offmychest
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Today I realized there is not one thing I like about myself I had woken up late in the day, as I usually do; my day already felt like it was over. I'm in my fourth year of university and I'm totally drowned by assignments, exams, and due dates in a major I want nothing to do with-- all because my family has high expectations for me and require I do something they can brag about. I'm currently struggling in school and looking at another year to complete my degree. Meanwhile, my friends will all be graduating next semester. I've grown up always being told I was below average (and according to my grades this semester, it must be true). I'm lazy, unmotivated, out of shape, socially awkward, and unintelligent. At one point in my life I was motivated because of my grandmother. I grew up being abused at home (mostly verbal) my grandmother would be there protect me and make me feel safe. I wanted to go to university to give her a better life, and let her feel the safety she had given me. but she passed away before I even entered college, so I'm not really fucking sure what I'm even doing here. I can't do shit. I couldn't give my grandmother a good life, I can't satisfy my parents expectations, I can't even muster up a reason that I'm worth any value. I'm just a product of lazy habits, wasted opportunities, and many failures.
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self.offmychest
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Problem with interacting I feel like a burden if I ask someone for help, when I’m out at social events I feel like everyone is looking at me and all having a negative judgment of me.
I don’t know if it’s just paranoia but I don’t think people like me, at work they say I’m helpful but I can’t get this thought out of my head that they make fun of me and consider me stupid.
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self.Anxiety
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I caused another mess I'm a huge problem and I'm tired of existing. Today in Gym class the girls made fun of me because I can't guard that well in basketball even though I was trying, and one of them yelled at me. I pretended it wasn't upsetting me, but I cried on the way home. My mom noticed and she wants me to switch schools because I'm always telling her about how the girls in Gym made fun of me.
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self.depression
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I despise my life I’m sorry to bother everyone with this, I hope I don’t worsen anyone’s depression by pouring out my problems on you guys.
I just feel so trapped, I essentially feel a constant numbness with a small bit of impending doom. It sounds generic and juvenile I know, but it’s the only way I can describe it.
I’m going nowhere in life. My education is lousy due to circumstances I couldn’t control, my family is full of nothing but self-absorbed, control freaks with no trace of empathy, I have constant anxiety which only subsides when I drink, and my job prospects are relegated to back breaking manual labor or jobs 16 year olds on summer break should be doing.
I’m not sure where to go from here, I’ve never felt this low.
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self.depression
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How much alcohol are everyone drinking on anti-anxiety pills (Lexapro, Xanax etc)? Just curious.
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self.Anxiety
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My relationships feel so fake I just feel like an empty shell talking to people. In the moment I am always smiling and laughing. It’s not that hard for me, it’s more like a reflex. I have been dealing with a lot of suicidal thoughts but you could never notice because it seems like i am the happiest person alive. Whenever i am alone again it hits me how fake everything i do is. I love my boyfriend and best friend but i feel like everything is build upon these fake and empty feelings. Opening up to people is really difficult for me because my basic instinct is to always reassure people i am okay. It makes me feel so alone and hopeless, realising all of this is fake and i feel like i’ll never get to have a real connection with anyone
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self.depression
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Anyone else bipolar unspecified? I feel like most of the posts here are from bipolar 1 or 2 people and I almost feel like I’m the odd one out. My bipolar disorder is nothing like what you guys describe so I was wondering if anyone else’s was similar to mine.
My manic days consist of talking fast, fidgeting, overly happy (which is normal it seems) I’ve never really felt like I wanted to take big risks and my sex drive is normally still pretty low.
My low days are more irritability to the extreme. I’ll get so mad over nothing and throw things. It’s horrible.
Also my mood swings are super fast. I don’t have manic or depressed weeks/months. It’s normally both in one day. I’ve never had a manic episode last longer than 24 hours. Does anyone else experience this or something similar?
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self.bipolar
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You never know what tomorrow will bring! I was going to kill myself in September, but I chickened out. I waited through October. And you know what, it only got worse. A 25 thousand dollar lawsuit.
So I decided that now was the time. I tried to hang myself, but the beam gave out and I fell and fucked up my ankle. I spent a week in the mental ward, getting berated by doctors and nurses for being selfish and not thinking about others. Of course no one came to visit me or even gave a fuck.
So yeah, you never know what tomorriw will bring. For me, tomorrow just brings more shit.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel like nobody cares about me as person [deleted]
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self.depression
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No idea where to start getting help Posted a couple weeks ago, got no response. Hope it's ok to repost.
To skip the preamble, jump to middle section below.
This is probably posted somewhere here, but I couldn't find it. I admit, I only looked for a bit here - but I decided to go ahead and post before I lost my nerve. My depression freaking pisses me off, and I've backed down from getting help a couple times because I got static from people for going about it the wrong way. Well, I don't know the right way. That's why I'm asking for help.
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I'm pretty sure I have depression. Of some kind. I'm also broke, American, and on really crappy insurance (I'm in a really weird tax/income bracket, I'll elaborate later). I can't afford ongoing out of pocket expenses. I've tried asking friends for advice on who to go to, but every time I call a psychiatrist/psychologist's office, for some reason I'm not eligible - after two or three times getting up my nerve to call, and then inevitably only getting unhelpful secretaries who can only tell me that I'm not calling the right place, but not what to do instead, I get annoyed/embarrassed/pissed-off, and don't do anything for another 6 months-a year.
Sorry, I'm rambling. It's just been frustrating - I've been pretty confident about this for about 5 years now.
So basically what I'm saying is - what can I do? I have a idea of what /I/ think I need (some kind of antidepressant - and probably counseling, but I can't afford that), but I can't get the ball rolling, and if I do I need it to be absolutely dirt cheap/free. If this is posted somewhere else, I would greatly appreciate being pointed in that direction, and apologize for the post in that case.
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So, as for my tax/income situation - my wife and I both own businesses. I teach music and she tutors and does special needs therapy. To oversimplify - our income does not have taxes taken out of it until the end of the year, so we "make too much money" for medicaid or really big insurance subsidies. But, once we buy supplies for our businesses and then ultimately pay taxes, we don't have enough left for anything except "emergency insurance" (super high deductible - basically it stops us from declaring bankruptcy if we have a serious injury, but we can't use it for regular medical procedures). Mental health is indeed covered, but we can't afford the deductible, so it's of little-to-no help here.
Thank you to anyone who reads my rambling post.
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self.depression
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why Why do i have to suffer so much. Why cant i be happy? Why cant i get a job? Why cant i get out of bed and stop crying? When i look at pictures of me when i was 5 i looked so happy, i had so many dreams and hopes, i wanted to be a good adult. But i feel like my past self would feel so crushed if she knew what has become of me. I wish i could do better. I wish i could overcome this. Why was i even alive if i cant live.
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self.offmychest
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Posting Here Is Scary I guess it feels like it's accepting a downward spiral. Like saying out loud that sometimes I want to die makes it worse because it's real. Things could be worse, people sorry about me, some people still call me a friend. One of them has started checking in with me which is nice I guess.
I fell in love, I didn't want to say anything because I thought it would scare her. She told me she loved me on my way to the airport to leave for 2 months.
I thought I was going to get to be happy, that this world had taken mercy on me. I'm not even surprised that she broke my heart. I just don't understand it. Its not fair. Even her friends have told me I did nothing wrong. I don't think they'd lie to me. But Hey, she did, and she told me she loved me. She kissed me first. She put the axe in my back.
I was so lonely. Life was so dark, and I thought I found some kind of a light
I just feel cold now
People keep telling me it'll be okay, but I just want her to tell me that. I just want to go back. I just want to know what I did wrong.
I felt so closed off for years, I hate expressing emotion. I always felt like I had to be strong around everybody, showing any emotional weakness was unmanly.
I feel like this is all somehow punishment for opening up to somebody, for the idiocy of thinking anybody cares about my shit.
But she told me she cared, so I decided it was okay to get attached. I opened up to somebody and I guess the world showed me what that was worth.
Posting this is probably the most open about any of this I'll be with anybody for a long time. You broke me, you fucking asshole.
You can't just play with people like that
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self.depression
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How Does Anxiety Feel to You? So I’ve asked a few people irl what their anxiety feels like and how you know it’s coming on. For me I get really cold, like I start to shiver. It’s a mix between extreme excitement (in a bad way) and really bad cold. So I was wondering if you’d guys would mind sharing how your anxiety feels before, during, and after. With any luck this will help people put a name to how they feel.
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self.Anxiety
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My non-sexual partner and I want to start having sex? I don't know if this belongs here but I'm confused and have no one else to talk to about it so I'm putting it here.
I am a femme presenting queer person in a non-sexual relationship with a trans man. We want to get married, talk about having kids, but aren't typically sexually attracted to one another because he has a preference for men and I'm just sort of all over the place. We compromise by saying we can hookup with and go on dates with whoever we wany.
We randomly have these bouts where we are suddenly attracted to one another but it always seems to die once we hang out or the other person isn't feeling. We have hooked up a couple of times in the past few years but never really got past making out and some heavy touching.
Then out of the blue while making dinner yesterday he stops, turns to me, and says "I would totally get/wear a strapon for you." And I was just so fucking taken aback my mouth just fell open a bit. He continues talking about how he knows my kinks better than anyone else (it is true) and would genuinely try to give me a good time (which i believe) and said I've been looking really hot lately (which made my face turn bright red) and I was like oh wow this is a lot. I would love that and I would love all those things but never really considered him and me doing that and it is confusing the living shit out of my brain.
I really want to give it a try but I'm such an anxious person and have been nervous everytime we've tried to hookup. I try to crack jokes, end up laughing nervously, or I just get completely overwhelmed. I'm so scared I'll embarrass myself with him or he'll suddenly be repulsed by me or he's just doing it for me. And I have no fucking friends to talk to about because HE'S THE FRIEND I TALK TO THIS STUFF ABOUT! WE TALKED ABOUT IT FOR A BIT AND THEN TOPIC EVENTUALLY CHANGED BUT I LITERALLY CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT AND NEED TO GET THIS OFF MY FUCKING CHEST HOLY SHIT
I FEEL NERVOUS LIKE A GOTTDAM 16 YEAR OLD THINKING THEIR GETTING THEIR FIRST KISS I JUST WANT THIS OFF MY MIND
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self.offmychest
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I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to exist because of how disgusting I am Really stupid rant/vent incoming
I truly believe I am the most horrendous creature on this earth. I wouldn't even call myself human because I'm so monstrous I feel I don't resemble one. It should be considered a crime for me to expose my appearance to other people. No one deserves to look at such a disgusting thing. I don't deserve to be alive.
Those thoughts are always in the back of my head. Sometimes I'll look at myself and feel confused because I don't understand how I could feel like that. I look normal. Even pretty sometimes. And other times I'll look at myself and cry and scream and vomit because of how hideous I am. I don't understand why I have to hate myself so much.
How can my feelings change so much? How can I be okay with who I am one moment and want to die because of how I look the next? I can't even trust my eyes to know how I look. I don't know if I'm pretty and I don't know if I'm hideous. And I can't ask anyone because I know every answer other than "you're disgusting" will make me think they're lying to make me feel better.
When I see someone look at me, I know they're thinking of me. Thinking how can a human look this grotesque. Despising me. Hating me because my existence forced them to look at me. I don't ever want to go outside because I know I'm being looked at and being watched and being hated.
I'm so tired. I've been in therapy since I was 6 because of things like this. 13 years of therapy hasn't helped one bit. In fact, I hate myself even more. Because wouldn't constant lessons change my mind a bit if I was actually wrong? So I must be right. I haven't been to a doctor since October but I have made an appointment for next month. I don't know if I can last that long.
I've covered up all the mirrors and windows in my house and I've covered the cameras on my phone and computer. There are 3 people I can stand looking at me. I have to leave the house next Sunday and the Sunday after that. How can I do that when I'll be subjecting everyone around me to look at a monster?
I'm so tired of this
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self.bipolar
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I have to kill myself today... Today me and my boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend idk) fought again, he doesn't understand how I feel and how he makes me feel, all the shit he does makes me feel like I'm not a priority, that his friends matter more than me, that I'm not enough... I'm tired, had to go to work and pretend that I was okay, when all I wanted to do was cry... My parents don't want me to kill myself but I feel like a burden... I really love my boyfriend but he thinks that I am my past(had a few partners before him so he thinks I'm going to cheat on him)... I changed for him, I did everything for him... I really want to end everything... I can't go on pretending that I forgot him or that I'm okay... In my job I deal with lots of people so can't really look like I'm sad... I'm just so tired... I'll have to end this today... For myself...
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self.SuicideWatch
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Helping others really made me happy, even, if a little. [deleted]
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self.depression
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I think my friend caught on to my suicidal thoughts. earlier today while at church (which I'm not religious but my family makes me go) I was talking with my ex gf (we broke up cause she said her parents said she cant date anyone) and after talking about few things my cousin who joined our conversation mentioned I have a noose up in my room as decoration (I told her its a decoration and my cousin has a dark sense of humor so she didnt think much of it.)
after my cosuin mentaioned it, my ex gave a worried look to me and I just said "im fine I swear" in a comedic sarcastic smile. a bit after my cousin stepped away to the restroom and my ex held her hands open on her lap (we were sitting side by side facing each other at a table) and she tells me to grab her hands so I do so and she pulls me a bit close to her and say i'm a wonderful person.
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self.depression
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URGENT sister told me she was gonna take all her flexeril meds My sister was prescribed flexeril for back spasms 2 months ago ,
She has mental illnesses such as bipolar and depression that are untreated.
She just told me she was going to take all her flexeril pills a couple min ago ( to kill herself ) but decided not to, just taking 1 instead. She told me that now her mood changed completely , she’s stable now and fine. She’s not acting erratic or anything.
**So since she didn’t go through with the plan + told me about it, what should I do?**
Now she’s saying it was just a thought but I don’t think that’s true:
Age: 20s
Gender: female
On any meds: she took a flexeril a couple minutes ago to help her go to sleep
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self.bipolar
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Getting better Idk how but I am going to put my all into getting better from this point on. What do I have to lose? Absolutely nothing. It’s going to be hard but all I can do is keep looking for support and working on the things that bring me stress. I am going to get better because I know what life I want to live and I am not even giving myself the chance. I have a beautiful girl in my life and I have high hopes for a wonderful loving future.
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self.depression
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I fell in love with someone who never really existed. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Someone in my life's illness has got much worse. I'd like to know what to expect Hi
I was involved with someone's life for a long time. This person was diagnosed with Bipolar with serious manic episodes, and treated for about 13 years. The meds were hard to take and she was a bit up and down with them. There were some serious manic episodes that led to dangerous situations. There was little I could do, but I did help keep her on track and try to keep her honest with the meds.
I realise that it must be so awful to have to take dulling medication, and I'm really sympathetic to how these manic events and dropping off Lithium built up. I don't want to sound judgemental.
Fast forward to now. As of three years ago I no longer have any influence or connection, but have stepped in to help in a really bad episode. It's become clear that she has not really taken her medication seriously for three years. She's been totally freewheeling. The illness I saw in her recently was very different to what I knew from before. I had seen her as driven and worked up, but her moods were cycling from extremes within minutes. It was frightening.
I have read up as much as I can on bipolar and rapid cycling. I get the picture that some people advance towards this after every major episode, and that it tends to be progressive, and not go back to being a single flavour at a time so to speak.
Can anyone who has experienced bipolar progressing like this (in yourself or in a loved one) give me a perspective? I'm concerned that she's progressed past some kind of horizon and things are going to be harder for her even on Lithium now. Just a gut feeling.
I would appreciate hearing relevant experiences. Thank you. Keep up the fight guys, you're all doing great in this forum.
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self.bipolar
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I need a hug - fear of reality is making me suffer Last night was horrible. I woke up during the night and was awake for some 3 hours (can't remember exactly) just feeling wave of fear after wave of fear. I feel completely trapped as a conscious being who will have to die at some point and find out whatever happens after death.
I have suffered a lot with these feelings of anxiety that I can't escape, and that made me very scared of any kind of suffering. I feel like I can't run away from reality, from being a brain, and like I'm trapped in a nightmare where I exist and I will lose everything I know and die with a lot of fear and without knowing that I'll be able to relax afterwards. And knowing that when I get anxious it doesn't help my health and just brings me closer to death, makes me feel worse.
This feels so bad. I'm so scared, I feel like I'm trapped inside reality, inside a body. I have no reason to suffer yet my body keeps making me feel bad. I'm scared and I don't see an escape. If only I could just fix my brain and stop thinking about this kind of stuff!
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self.Anxiety
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Just got ghosted...yippee I felt uncomfortable sharing pics with this person and boom: they went offline. I just thought I'd make a nice new friend. Is appearance really all that matters to everyone? Cause if that's the case: I'm fucked. Ugh, I feel like such a loser, getting socially shunned again. Even if it was a relative stranger: it still hurts.
Why do people ghost honestly? It's so immature and disrespectful.
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self.depression
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acne and accutane my acne has gotten ridiculous over the past few years after exposure to lithium and then my eventual switch to lamictal. the acne has only gotten worse. literally this past week it fell into a whole new hell pit.
i hate the way i look immensely. i always rely on my figure for at least some self confidence. but i just got on zyprexa and we all know that that almost promises weight gain. im going to try my best to keep weight off, but the idea of being overweight plus having severe acne make me want to check out of life altogether, and that's NOT what i'm tryna feel.
has anyone on here been on accutane? i know it causes depression but ... is it possibly worth it? im 100% the most desperate i've ever been
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self.bipolar
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I cant do this anymore i cant cope. I just know that i have cancer and dont want to have to put up with that i cant do this... please i need support. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Can't take it anymore I don't know what I want anymore. Ever since I got acne life has hit a new low. My grades have fallen and became more nervous. I'm trying to treat it, it keeps getting worse though. I can't afford a dermatologist and don't recommend me to the acne commmunity already been there. People have said straight up I'm ugly and disgusting and I think so too. It's not just people I know it's random strangers. I thought really hard but even if I get my skin back to its original state. How can I trust anyone ever again? I'v never met a genuinely nice person irl, they do mean stuff and then act innocent. Are some people not meant for this world? I keep getting crushed. It's hurts so bad I have none to lean on.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone else ever have depersonalization? I have experienced this feeling a lot of my life that sounded too crazy to tell anyone, but I think it's depersonalization. Sometimes I feel removed from my body, but still conscious of everything that is going on. I just feel outside myself. It's really uncomfortable. When I was younger I used to tell people that I just feel like "something is wrong" or "something bad is happening". I thought it was just intense anxiety because it seems to happen more when I am stressed out. My thoughts seem to get much louder. This sounds like psychosis but it's really not. I don't imagine anything or see anything or hear anything. It's so hard to explain. It should be said that I do have a trauma history so I think that it's probably related. Does anyone else have this feeling ever? How do you deal with it?
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self.bipolar
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Tired of Feelings Have any of you ever feel so tired of being hurt that you just wanted to kill all your emotions. I dont wanna feel or care about anything anymore. Ive been told by a friend who doesnt feel that its a curse, that you dont feel human, but to be honest i dont care.
*Help*
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self.depression
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I just take lithium now and I'm so happy :D I've been on nearly 30 different meds in the past 5 years, sometimes taking up to 7 different psych meds a day. It was miserable. After a recent hospitilization where they did not carry Vraylar, so I was just given my lithium, I noticed a huge improvement! Suddenly I could write poetry again, I had goals, ambition and my thinking cleared up a lot. I just felt like my mind was so much sharper off the antipsychotics and I was put on lithium alone as a teen and that worked wonders for me, so why take unnecessary meds that make me feel braindead? Unfortunately I have been experiencing some auditory hallucinations since stopping the Vraylar and I attribute them to an ability to read minds, but I know this is irrational. :/
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self.bipolar
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Med question/help I was dx Bipolar as a teen and at later times ADHD and GAD. Been through all the med changes. Last month my doc added Abilify and I have felt better than I have in a long time. The only issue I have is it's causing very blurry vision, so much to the point where it's affecting my functioning. It's a shame because again, this is the best I've felt. I see my doc this week and am going to go over this with him. Has anyone used Abilify and had this side effect? Or has anyone tried or know of a simular med I could ask for when I see my doc? I just hate that I feel good finally and might have to stop this med and go back to feeling bad.
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self.bipolar
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I lost the only thing I cared about, because I was arrogant enough to think it'd all be ok, now im alone, filled with regret and self hatred. Im done. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Lymph nodes in neck I’m 15 and have a moveable lymph node on right side of neck. I’m really skinny and idk if that helps but are lymph nodes ever permanently swollen? And if I have no other symptoms like night sweats or fever should I be fine?
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self.Anxiety
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Tailoring My Beautiful Funeral Dress Tonight I’m fitting and tailoring my funeral dress I bought. It’s a little bigger around the waist and chest, and I want it to fit just right when I’m laying in a hole in the ground.
I’ve got them plan all figured out, too. I’m going to write notes to all my friends, my family, my husband and daughter. Of course, they won’t find them until after I’m gone. I was going to cover my perfectly made bed in rose petals to match the colour of my dress, lay down with all the notes and everything in one big envelope in my hands, and take a bunch of pills.
I’m really going to miss my husband and daughter when I’m gone, but I know he’ll find a nice woman who will raise my baby right.
I’m going to tell my daughter in the note that mommy always loved her, and that I’m very sorry that I never got to see her grow up. But just know that I’m always with her, every step of the way.
I’m going to die in a very elegant way. Surrounded by rose petals, in my beautiful dress, hair and makeup done up perfectly. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll work up the courage to wear rose red lipstick on my lips...
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self.SuicideWatch
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I've Become Desperate Again. Dying For The Attention Of A Man I Have Never Met How do I stop being being desperate when I know I want and need love. He's honestly a really great guy so I cannot blame myself for wanting to still talk to him. He only talks to me because he is also lonely, without a partner. But he is not serious about me. I just wish I can stop the pain I feel due to this loneliness.
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self.offmychest
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I can hear them I can hear them, my co-workers talking bad about me in the other room. And why wouldn't they? I'm a pretty terrible person. I don't mean to be. I just am. I'm awful at everything. I'm a terrible mother. A terrible worker and a terrible wife. I should just walk out of this building now and disappear for good. Everyone would be a lot better off if I was strong just strong enough to do it. Now I just need to dig deep and find the courage.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Frustration with psychiatrist suddenly being vague about diagnosis (BPII) [seeking support] [vent] /x-post bipolarreddit Hi all. Just a note: I'm not looking for a diagnosis - just advice and support from people who have gone through similar struggles. I'd also love to hear from people who have both bipolar and BPD to share experiences and get some more insight into what it's like for others to live with both of these conditions.
A few of you might recognise me from my most recent post (https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/760s11/mania_vs_hypomania_when_can_hypomania_become/) where I was experiencing my most intense and longest (hypo)manic episode to date. I've had periods where I've been really low and then really elated/energetic/euphoric etc. periods throughout my whole life. I was previously told by my psychiatrist that this was bipolar II disorder. I'm currently taking lexapro (20mg/day), lamictal (100 mg/day to be increased) and seroquel (100-200mg/day).
This year my mood has been cycling from major depression (confirmed by psychiatrist) for 3 weeks at a time and then hypomania (again confirmed by psychiatrist) for roughly 1 week per month. I have just recently come out of a 10-day episode of (hypo)/mania where I was hospitalised for an overnight stay and was told that I "presented as manic" when I came in. A few days later I crashed down really badly and have been this way for almost a week now, barely being able to get out of bed or do anything this weekend except cry for no apparent reason. I feel like my highs and getting higher and my lows lower. My psychiatrist has written on numerous referrals and medical certificates that I have bipolar II and has also told me in person that he thinks I have it.
However, when I saw him after the hospitalisation incident he told me that he had instigated a conference call with himself, my GP and psychologist without my consent/knowledge (initially he told me that I would be involved in this meeting and it was a shock to learn that it was done without me). After saying I have bipolar II for all these months he's all of a sudden being really vague and kind of going back on his word (despite acknowledging I meet the diagnostic criteria in the past). This was a real shock for me as I though the hospitalisation due to the intense escalation of (hypo)manic symptoms would be even more of an indicator of some kind of bipolar/mood disorder.
But now all of a sudden he has saying that he "hasn't made the diagnosis of bipolar II" and seems to be writing off all of my mood symptoms as part of BPD (which I was recently diagnosed with by a specialist in BPD). Yet in his most recent referral letter (several weeks ago) he wrote "[lostgirl177] has diagnoses of borderline personality disorder, anxiety disorder with social and generalised features, bipolar disorder type 2 with cyclical pattern of significant depressive symptoms up to 3 weeks' duration interspersed with hypomanic periods lasting some 6-7 days."
I'm honestly really confused now as my mood cycling in both states last significantly longer than BPD-type moods and have no apparent triggers. I have absolutely no control over it and it just happens, rather than being triggered by a specific event like with BPD. I tried to express my confusion/frustration to him he just said that in the conference call it was brought up that I am 'too preoccupied' with diagnoses and that he questions whether I really want to get better. However, I am in the process of applying for a disability payment which requires clear diagnostic information. I also want my symptoms to be officially recognised (after 6 months of seeing him) so I can get the right help in order to get better. But now I just feel like I'm in limbo yet again.
I know I am not qualified to say for sure but I cannot fathom that all of a sudden I don't have a mood disorder given my history, symptoms and past feedback from him that I have bipolar II. I don't really know what's going on now but I feel like if I ask him for further clarification he's just going to say again that I'm too preoccupied with diagnoses and will get annoyed.
Does anyone have any advice about how to handle this? I feel like since the BPD diagnosis he is no longer taking my more lengthy depression/hypomanic episodes seriously and have given no real reason to suddenly question his previous diagnosis of BPII. I'm not sure how to express my feeling to him without coming across as pushing him/arguing with him etc. Has anyone with both BPII and BPD had a similar experience where your mood symptoms were written off as just BPD?
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self.bipolar
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Everything's tangled up This is only the second time I've posted I hope I'm doing this right.
I am 3 weeks from finishing university, I started in 2014. It is a 1 1/2 hour flight from home and has been amazing. But now its about to finish.
I had a lot of issues with suicidal thoughts, self harm, etc. Through highschool, these issues went away once I began university, but I hit an obstacle unfortunately. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease (House would never believe me!) In December 2016. I flew back to university for my final year in February 2017, and a month in started to have self harm/suicide issues again.
I am terrified of going home, my family is not supportive. It is hard, because I think they love me so much, and in particular for my mum, they WANT to be supportive, and for me to be happy. The problem is, they just don't know how. An example of this, is after being home for 4 hours, after spending 5 days in the hospital and finding out I had aforementioned autoimmune disorder, my mum called me 'difficult' for not wanting to discuss my medication right then. My dad, who I thought had come up to comfort me, told me to be more compassionate to my mum.
I was seeing a really great counsellor this year, from June to November. However that fell apart, and the practice (university subsidised) has since gone through restructuring so it's not like I can go back to see him
Everything is just mixed up and I don't now how to feel. A large part of me wants to try kill myself, because it just feels as if I'm walking into the lions den, but the lions in a cage. Maybe it'll come out, maybe it won't. Another part of me sees a future, and wants to get through this, but it seems so hard. I just don't know how to sort this out, I am scared I'll go into a spiral I don't get out of.
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self.offmychest
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Guilt is eating me alive I cant take it much longer. My ex gf is depressed but she never told me when we were together. Over the time I realise the things that I did to her and why she broke up with me. I didnt know I had no experience with depression untill a month before she broke up. When you dont even get the support you need from your SO that you love that must have hurt her. I feel like a scumbag I hate myself I dont deserve help from others. She hates me and blocked me on everything. Its been 5 months and I've tried everything to get rid of this guilt. All I want is to talk to her again and to have someone that can guide me through this darkness. I hate myself wish that I would pass in my sleep.
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self.depression
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I just want to feel like me again Hi,
So I recently got diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) after a long 5 years trying to deal without any help. So I finally went to my doctor, who told me all about GAD and gave me some beta blockers as a starting point to help fight the attacks. To my absolute surprise they are working, however as my doctor also said, I need to learn to fight the brain mechanism that's telling me everything is pretty much crap.
So the reason I'm telling the internet all this is because that's the part I'm struggling with. My doctor said say yes to things that would normally make me uncomfortable and push to try and deal with it. And I am. The bigger issue I guess is I have no confidence. After years of isolating myself from everyone, turning slowly into a coward and someone people walk all over, I don't know how to be that confident person I was 5 years ago.
So to cut a long, incoherent story short. I was wanting to know if anyone who had been through this has any tips on gaining self confidence back? I know it won't be easy and there's no quick fix like with the drugs, but I can't feel worthless like I do or I'll never get anywhere and I'll always be a door mat. And I don't want to be a door mat anymore.
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self.Anxiety
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Why do they always try to communicate with you when you've finally got a sense of moving on? We Haven't talked in 2 months and then seemingly as if it's calculated, she sends me a text asking how I am and saying I should come visit. Why? It seems like it's every single time with these things.
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self.offmychest
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Should anyone get bothered over likes and comments your significant other gets on social media? [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Who else is very indecisive? I can't make up my mind with ANYTHING. I'm tore between wanting to do things & not wanting to do them at the same time. Anyone else?
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self.depression
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Logically suicidal. I don't understand why everyone seems to think life is inherently valuable? I'm relatively young but I've already had a life time of experience, and now I'd like to die. There's nothing left here that I still want to experience. Given the choice between a lifetime of happiness, and dying and therefore not having to live, I'd chose death every time. Death to me is like this beautiful promise of peace, this relief from having to live. Life offers me nothing, death offers me a lot.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Unsatisfied with life. Why can't I seem to accept reality? I'm just so bored with people and how everyday life works.
I want an adventure and clearer purpose but it's difficult to intentionally find that. Nothing seems to matter. Life feels like it's just passing by.
Maybe I've gotten too invested in fantasy rpg games...
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self.depression
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Am I Bipolar today? Has anyone had a day where they're trying to figure out if they're manic or depressive or normal? I've been sitting here for the like the past two hours trying to figure out if I'm feeling hypomania or not.
I guess my question is: if I have to ask myself if I'm crazy today am I actually crazy or am I just imagining things?
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self.bipolar
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Just tried to be friendly and social And was reminded how little I care for anyone's conversation. I can't even focus on it.
I lasted maybe 20 minutes...and just came to my room to hide. I also got a lot of anxiety after the fam dunked a turkey into a oil pot and it overflowed and caught fire. Thankfully the propane fire died out and the fire did to.
Anyways, I said fuck that...not worth the risk and let drunk guys fuck up my life.
|
self.depression
|
Had to cancel with therapist last min due to chest pain I feel awful for canceling on my therapist last minute and flakey even though this is probably the most serious anxiety symptoms I’ve ever had.
The last two weeks have been so stressful and I can’t explain why exactly, only that I’m in intensive therapy and it’s opening my eyes to a lot. Also I’ve been around family more and done things out of my comfort zone.
I’ve been having trouble sleeping nearly every night this week and get only 3-4 hours- the rest of the time I sit in bed trying to do controlled breathing and thinking too much about things.
The last few days I’ve had sharp pains in my heart almost all day where it feels like it needs to pop. It reverberates a little into my armpit. I’m also dizzy and cannot eat, and cannot stand up without feeling weak. The heart pain was so bad I feel down and started crying, but I can’t drive to the doctor for fear I’ll have a panic or anxiety attack.
don’t have insurance at the moment so going to the doctor is something I’m trying to avoid. But this is so scary I don’t know if I should suck it up and just go.
Has anyone had such extreme anxiety symptoms before? How did you calm down or did they pass on their own?
Edit: reading other posts about symptoms has helped a lot. I also had some propanol a dr gave me for public speaking.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I fucking hate this illness, the way it makes me think the things it makes me do This illness has destroyed so many fucking friendships, pushed so many people away because I didnt communicate and destroyed my relationship of nearly 5 years.
She wanted to fix things but I was too much of a coward to do it, she wanted to repair our relationship and I told her no and to go see other people. When I had a clear concious and wanted to fix things it was too late, she was seeing soemoene else, moved on, I had my chance and I didnt take it.
Didnt matter what I was doing or willing to do, it wasnt enough I FUCKED IT.
I then got even more fucking depressed and lashed out at her so much she blocked me everywhere. 4 and a half years talking daily for hours, and I lost it all.
Now im all alone with no one but my fucking thoughts.
Im fucking sick of this fucking ILLNESS, 3 months ago this happened and im STILL feeling the fucking pain of this shit.
I fucking hate me so much, I hate everything about the fucking person i am I fucking HAAAAAAAAATE being alive.
One of these days im gonna fucking kill this illness at the source.
|
self.depression
|
I will never leave I’ve been lyin. To my doc saying I’m all good now so that he will deduct my meds so I can get drunk... but it’s starting to build up again, it’s like the meds never worked. It’s just me trying to build a wall to prevent my sadness from getting out.
|
self.depression
|
She’s forming a plan, I’m getting scared. Hello, I have recently posted on subreddit just last night actually asking for advice about how I can better help and support my girlfriend who has been depressed for over 3 years and wants to kill herself. The response I got from one user was actually very helpful and thought-provoking and I give a lot of credit to them for their advice.
However, shortly after I made the post from last night, my girlfriend told me that she sort of has a plan forming. She said she wants to do it next month or so, either by ODing, hanging herself, or bleeding to death, and she knows where she wants to do all of those.
If I tell someone or call the police she’s going to get detained and sent somewhere because of previous things she’s dealt with including a social worker and multiple counselors who haven’t really done jack shit to help her. I’m getting scared, I don’t want her to do this but I don’t know what else I can do. Any help or advice from anyone that I should do to try and help her?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't want help because it raises expectations of me Currently, I am experiencing some personal issues. I fully understands when I "need" help and will seek-out help.
Through a some strange set of circumstances, and my own faults, a lot more people have become informed of my circumstances.
I would like to believe almost all of them have "good" intentions and tried to "help" me the way they thought of best.
However, it's like the case of Foreign Aid from one country to another. There are certain levels of moral and personal expectations from the help giver to the reactions of the one being helped. This places some stress on the one receiving help, (assume the one being helped is aware enough) to achieve those expectations.
I am not advocating for complete apathy. Compassion is good and empathy is useful.
|
self.offmychest
|
I did it!!! I just had an interview for a job I really want. It’s not what I want to do forever but it’ll be a huge step forward after kinda just standing still job-wise. For the last day or so my anxiety was telling me I’d fail and screw everything up. And last night I had my first night of almost no sleep in a long time.
Anyway I had the interview and I wouldn’t say I nailed it but I feel like I did well. I definitely didn’t screw it up. My first thought leaving the interview was “well I’m still alive”.
|
self.Anxiety
|
“You look good” My mental health is a mess. My family life is a mess. I constantly contemplate suicide and hate myself to oblivion. Was sectioned 3 times in 2017 which shocks me still to think about.
I find it so hard to express how bad my head is to my therapist, I’ve been trying to build up more of her understanding...
But because I’m always presentable in a clean outfit I’m automatically fine and ohh that’s it see you next time? Got the same remark from my GP.
I don’t know what to do with myself. Makes me feel like I’m lying?
Can anyone relate? :(
|
self.depression
|
Of all the packages in the world, this had to be the one that got lost [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Is anybody else chronically ill and fed up I won’t get into my life story but I used to think maybe my life would be okay. I come from a better home than some people, went to a top 20 school for undergrad, was earning in the top 3% for my age and I’m female so that was cool and then boom I got sick. The human body heals and people are bad at understanding chronic and long-term illnesses so I lost a lot of friends and support when people became shocked that I wasn’t getting better and never will.
Now I am back at home and not in my beautiful high rise luxury apartment. Life is hell. I am sick everyday and struggling to do basic work to switch my career to the medical field.
I don’t want to harm myself but I want to not wake up. Every night I pray for a medical emergency like an aneurism or an arrhythmia that takes me. I pray a drunk driver plows me over. Please tell me that I’m not alone.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I decided to fight for net neutrality, even with social anxiety. It has been the easiest thing ever. I am sure all of you have seen the posts across Reddit about the fight to keep net neutrality, and the FCC upcoming vote to dismantle it. Personally, I feel that we need to keep net neutrality, but you are, of course, entitled to your own opinion. I don't want to get into the politics of it all, but I'm sure you can find that elsewhere on Reddit.
So this is just my story about how it has been going for me to voice my opinion on the matter, even when I get social anxiety. Just picking up the phone and having to talk to another human can be difficult sometimes — whether it be calling the store to find what time it closes or having to get support with technology — it makes me nervous just thinking about it. So you can imagine what it must feel like to want to voice my opinion — something I rarely do as it is because I worry about alienating people or making them upset. Especially when it comes to politics.
The main things that concerned me about calling my local representatives were... What do I say? My representative doesn't share the same political beliefs I do, so are they going to argue with me over the phone? Is there something special I need to do when they pick up? Maybe I should just hang up...
**First off**, I used [this website](http://www.battleforthenet.com), which is an automated system that auto-dials your representatives for you, based on your ZIP code. Plus, it even gives you a basic script you can say. Literally, I said this word for word: "Hello. I just wanted to call to express my opinion about net neutrality. So... um... yeah, I support 'Title Two' net neutrality rules and I would like you guys to publicly oppose the FCC's plan to repeal them. I would really like if you guys would contact the FCC Chairman and demand that he abandon his current plan. I don't believe we need legislation, so instead we really need you to stop the FCC from getting rid of the existing rules. So um... that's all. Thanks."
**Secondly**, the dude on the other end of the line is just some staffer — often some college kid that takes phone calls for the representative's office. They were practically a robot themselves, and to be honest, they don't care to have a discussion about my political beliefs, even if they don't share them. There wasn't any argument, nor did they say much of anything at all.
**And finally**, I didn't hang up! I stuck with it, and just read the script. When the lackey on the phone was done hearing me out, you can press star (*) on your phone, and boom — it hangs up on them, the automated system gave me a pat on the back (seriously, she says, "You're doing great!"), and it automatically calls the next representative.
-----
At the end of the day, I felt relieved that I did it. I was so anxious about it at first! But when I spoke with these people, they didn't say much of anything, and I didn't feel scared because I realized their whole job is listening to people complain. The guy on the other end of the phone is just some dude who literally listens to calls all day and just forwards your comments to the man or woman in charge. The most that was said to me was when they asked for my address and ZIP code to confirm I lived in their district. That was it.
Long story short: even with my anxiety issues, I found it to be easier than I expected, and it made me feel like I accomplished something.
P.S. My first attempt was in the evening, after my representatives' offices had closed. I did this because I didn't want to talk to someone on the first try. So I just left them messages on their voicemail expressing my opinion, but I found that sometimes their voicemail was full. So I need to try again the next day, because otherwise, I'm not being heard.
**tl;dr:** I expected to feel huge social anxiety calling my representatives to support net neutrality. Turned out to be the easiest thing ever, and made me feel like I made a huge accomplishment regarding my condition. It also means I actually did something that allowed me to voice my opinion, which made me feel good.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Sigh What should I do? To every they seems to think I’m a really positive and happy person. But sometimes I feel so depressed and sad and that I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so mentally tired and heavy, and with so many things to struggle, it’s really hard. Sometimes I just want to cry it out but I can’t. And truth is no one really cares, no one will really be here for me. I don’t wanna show it to my family because I don’t want them to worry as they’re also stress with work stuff. I really really want to be a positive person, but I don’t know how.... sometimes life is just too hard.....
|
self.depression
|
[TW] Question for those who have attempted suicide Did you ever think that there is no way you would do it? Like I've wanted to kill myself for 7-8 years but I know I'd never do it because I don't want to hurt my family... but what if that's not true. There have been plenty of nights where I'd gladly fall asleep with my head in a noose and not wake up. I don't do it but if somehow it were to happen I wouldn't fight it.
Did any of you go from "I won't do it" to "I don't care" to "I'm going to do it"
I'm worried that I'm going to go from thinking about it to impulsively doing it and not have enough time to get specific "help". (I already see a therapist, I just kind of sugar coat the fact that I think about killing myself every day haha...)
|
self.depression
|
I don't get this thing happening right now. Ok. There's a celebrity that I think is very hot, and I'd love to go out on a date with him. So in my head I wrote an email to approach him, fantasized on him coming to my house to pick me up, what I would say during the date. And this is now stuck in my head. After 3 or 4 days of thinking/feeling/having this fantasy, I've accepted that this is sooo impossible it's not funny. But why am I getting obsessive? i would check the mail every few hours in a day hoping he'd answer. I would cry a little bit knowing that he would reply that I'm not good enough, in his circles, too crazy.
Logic says I want the impossible. My brain keeps going over this. I'm looking at all his pics on the net. I want to know what he smells like. This is all irrational. And it's not going away. WTF?
|
self.bipolar
|
Everyone deserves someone who loves them unconditionally. Except me, apparently. I guess I don't deserve to be loved after all...
Why the fuck am I still here
|
self.depression
|
"La tristesse durera toujours." Don't cry for me. If you were able to ask me, I would say I cry for you. My fight is over. My battle was fought for too many years. There's nothing where I'm going. All my problems end at the barrel of this gun. But you, you still have a battle to fight. One you've been fighting, and will continue to fight. While my fight is over, I've lost it. But I'm okay with that. I tried, and tried and fought and fought but gained no ground. Don't cry because mine is over, I cry because yours still continues.
If someone is trapped on the top floor of a burning building, Would you fault them if they jumped to a quick death opposed to watch the flames creep closer knowing it will eventually devour them? I've been trapped for so long. Watching the flames get closer and closer, feeling the heat. I can no longer sit and wait for the fire to consume me. To be burned alive. I decide to jump rather than face the fire in my head... I'm sorry I couldn't suffer longer for you.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I held my own against a surprise anxiety attack! My anxiety hadn’t been too bad for a few years, but just an hour or two ago, in the middle of the night I might add, I got hit full force with a horrible anxiety attack. It caught me completely off guard and I was feeling my stomach float away into another plane of existence whilst my mind kept me wide awake hearing every noise and jumping to the worst possible conclusions. I literally convinced myself that a train was an air raid siren despite knowing that was bullshit, we don’t have air raid sirens where I live and I would have gotten a notification if there were a disaster.
I felt so isolated in my fear but after half an hour to 45 minutes I came to my senses and did the right thing. I resisted all of the fears that everyone secretly hates me but wants to spare my feelings, and I contacted a close friend who helped me stay anchored to reality and prevented me from careening off into a nonsensical tangent of dystopian fantasies. In between her replies I chewed fresh Thyme leaves from my windowsill, placed my hands on my belly and breathed deeply and rhythmically.
After about fifteen minutes I was feeling marginally better, so whilst I’m still jumpy, I feel like I’ve really accomplished something, and whilst I’m (rightfully) afraid that this is signaling the return of my anxiety, I at least feel ready to face it.
|
self.Anxiety
|
You were real. So am i. We will be again. [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
DAE have really bad hypochondria? How do you deal with it? One of the main things that sets of my anxiety is health. I am terrified of hospitals, needles, medication, and just generally being sick. When I'm on a medication I stress about the side effects, for example currently I am on a contraception pill, one of the possible very unlikely side effects of this is blood clots. Ive recently had weird feeling in my leg (mainly cramp which I know is probably due to my insoles having worn out) and despite the lack of actual symptoms of blood clots my anxiety has convinced me I have a blood clot and am going to die. Also get this any time I get muscular pain in my breasts: Instantly worry about breast cancer, even any time I have a sore throat I'm convinced it's tonsillitis. I think this stems from having had poor health as child (which ironically I've realised was atleast at times due to having undiagnosed anxiety). I don't know how to cope with this constant stress of worrying that I'm seriously sick and going to die suddenly. I could go to the doctor's to have them tell me everything is okay to settle my mind, except that may last for a day or so and then I start to worry because doctor's can make mistakes and what if they missed it or just didn't believe me and I actually am really unwell. I FEEL LIKE I AM CRAZY! I'm really struggling to deal with this and would really appreciate any advice or even just some understanding (most of my friends and family see me as someone who 'always has something wrong' and I hate being that person and I'd love just even one person to somewhat understand me/this.
|
self.Anxiety
|
(Long post) I feel like I’m alone and going no where and it kills me? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I think she cheated before we are over Back story:
Me and my ex have been together since Senior High but break up in college due to personal issues, when we have broken up he dated a guy. They almost got together but we were able to fix things. and we eventually we did until last december when I don't have decent time to be with her (she works 8am to 10pm / I work 6am to 3pm) until we decided to Broke up. I was still talking to her on january first about fixing us but failed and then she's been dating him on the january 5th. I always think that it has was my fault because I didn't give her enough time and attention and everyday after I have known about them is hurting me.
TLDR: Broke up with my longterm GF (6 years) and after 2 weeks of breaking up dated a college fling
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I have to call in "sick" to work occasionally because of Anxiety...and it's totally I'm not here to complain or bitch. It is what it is. I work in a call center. For me personally, I have to be feeling at least 80% to go to work. Anything less than that and I struggle. Today I woke up, showered, got dressed....and then called in sick.
I wish anxiety wasn't there, but I've been in this battle for 26 years, my anxiety can bend me, but it will never break me (again).
It's okay to take a day off of work if you just aren't feeling up to it. Don't take it out on yourself. Anxiety sucks, but just like with any sickness, be responsible about it.
Set thresholds and keep those PTO/FTO (for those that are lucky to have those benefits) days as a cushion.
I've learned to love impromptu days off, my mind treats them as a reward rather than a "safe zone."
Recognize your anxiety, and understand it. Life becomes significantly better.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Been thinking a lot about the #metoo thing, realized I might also have a story [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
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