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whats the point im currently in a skype call with my friend. he can see me typing here. im half tempted to take my life. right here. on my bed. with him chatting with me so my biggest fear of dying alone isnt true. my brother wont even talk to me anymore. he'll push me aside since i have been as well. my moms mad at me. i got all dressed today to see them drive off. at least i got food. its the only thing keeping me going. food.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I get more anxiety when my mom gets stressed out I’m pretty sure my mom has anxiety as well because of trauma at an early age for her, and whenever she is doing something she talks to herself and gets herself all worked up and then that gives me so much anxiety because I hate seeing her like this. Sometimes I try to help her but she gets angry at me so I don’t know what to do.
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self.Anxiety
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I cut myself drunk and now have horrible guilt Alcohol shows your true side, they said...
Two nights ago i went to a party and i spent most of the night being alone, engaging in the occasional chit-chat with some people i know. I was so drunk i can't remember why i started cutting myself but all I can remember is the fact that the group i went in with (a few classmates and old friends) had left by that point. Now being sober, i can't help but feel regretful and ashamed of my actions, and have constant anxiety and troubles dealing with these emotions of regret. Depression and alcohol never mix, i know, but not being an introvert (some may call me an ambivert) got me to think, why not, let's go out for once to spend some time with some people i know.
Now I am not a cutter - i have never cut myself in my entire life, and that is where my guilt comes from; i did something very stupid and permanent in a fit of anger, and now i have to carry the marks the rest of my life. I would never cut myself sober, i have other ways of channeling my emotions, and i am very afraid of pain.
This may raise the question - do I really have depression? I do not have any proof from a psychiatric or anything of the sort, but no mentally healthy person would cut themselves - drunk or sober. I can only say that i feel depressed, and many online sources and tests say that I might have depression.
I have told my parents and a my closest friend, and now my interactions with my parents just seem awkward and i feel like i am a disappointment to them. They didn't yell at me, they took it quite well, and they were understanding (to an extent). My friend was more supportive, but him knowing me quite well he gets that I don't want to talk about it to anyone - now I am sharing this with you, because you don't know me personally, and i find that a community of this sort may give me advice and support.
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self.depression
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I dislike the common uses description for vraylar "Common Uses: It is used to treat schizophrenia. It is used to treat ***bipolar problems***."
Bipolar problems...? smh
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self.bipolar
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I feel like I wasted my Christmas People are always saying that it's the best time of year, a time for families to get together and be happy and make memories... But this Christmas felt so empty. I laughed a lot today, but my family was distant and this wasn't a Christmas to remember.
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self.depression
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I belong miserable I think my meds aren't working. I told my principal I didn't want to be a teacher anymore. She didn't take me seriously, my job is super secure. She said she'd miss me and she wouldn't get over me leaving. I wish I was dead. Straight up wish I was no longer living. Super not looking forward to my therapy appointment tomorrow. I don't want to own up to this.
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self.bipolar
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Help dealing with Citalopram side effects? Hi! About 4 weeks ago I was prescribed Citalopram to deal with my anxiety. This is the first time I have tried treating it. I haven't noticed any huge changes but I'm definitely feeling the side effects. My doctor didn't give me any special instructions or warnings and I won't be able to see him for another month.
I already have trouble sleeping but now it's ten times worse! I have some over the counter sleep aids (unisom) that I would use if I couldn't sleep but now those don't even work. I also have ADHD (non-medicated for many years now) and feel like it has been kicked into overdrive. I'm finding it impossible to concentrate in classes or getting the energy to do homework and study.
I know that these effects might go away soon but I have finals next week and this is really starting to hinder my schoolwork. I can't afford to fail any of my classes and I was wondering if you guys had any tips on how to deal with these side effects? Any help is very appreciated!
I am 21F. I'm not taking any other medications. No alcohol or drugs. I take the citalopram first thing in the morning. (Typing all of this while I can't sleep. I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors. Also apologize for late replies as I might thankfully fall asleep soon)
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self.Anxiety
|
Tomorrow I juggle my job and school...that I'm not so sure of Tomorrow is week four of my new job, who wants employees to stick around for 5-10 years at least. Most employees there have been for 10-20+ years... one 40. I can't do that, this job just fit my schedule for school. 6:30 am-3pm
Tomorrow I start school for pre apprenticeship electrician. I'm terrified this is the wrong choice..... it's 8,000$ for 18 weeks and they help you into an apprenticeship. One I could get if I had any connections or decent social communication skills...
The biggest problem is work and school are in the next city over, 45 min away. I'm going to get up at 5, work 6:30 -3 then homework in a McDonald's for a few hours and school 5:30 -10:30. Home by 11:15 then repeat.
I'm going to miss the hell out of my wife (14 months married) 4 year old and 8 month old............
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self.offmychest
|
My parents are narcissistic and make my life more miserable than it needs to be (long post) Together they have:
- Took money straight out of my account (they took all of my scholarship money and my first paycheck EVER). They said that they were going to pay me back but they never did. Keep in my mind that I am a college student...
- Forced me to be as social as they are, even though I am an introvert and they are extraverts. They also mocked and made fun of me when I just didn't feel like socializing. I have many friends and it's not like I don't socialize 24/7, I just like being alone when I feel like it.
- When it comes to finances and purchasing, they always give the excuse that "we don't have that type of money" or "I'm not paying (insert price here) for (item) you must be crazy". Next thing you know, they are buying equally expensive shit for themselves and when I call them out on it they always say "don't tell me how to spend my money". I've seen our tax information. In 2015, we made around $170,000 after taxes. Ill give them the benefit of the doubt since we live in Southern California, but they always pretend that we are living paycheck to paycheck when I would like to purchase something but when they purchase something, all of a sudden we have money now and we are not living like we are struggling. For the things that I do have, they couldn't care less if it was in terrible condition or not. For example, the car that I currently drive is almost as old as me (18). There is a huge laundry list of problems with that car that they either ignore or just flat out tell me to deal with it/suck it up. Every time I drive that car, I feel like its engine is slowly but surely approaching the chopping block. Overall, I feel like I'm relatively poor and living in bare minimum.
My mother has done the following:
- Back in 2014, something emotionally traumatic happened to me that led me to develop depression and severe social anxiety. When I went to see my therapist, she suggested that I go see a psychiatrist to get antidepressants. The events that happened after that visit are unforgivable in my book and I will NEVER forget what she did. She willingly let my depression and anxiety linger for fucking 6 months because she wanted to see if my psychiatrist could somehow cure my ADHD and I could get better grades in school. SHE DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT MY MENTAL WELL-BEING. She only fucking cared about letters on a piece of paper. It took me threatening SUICIDE in order for her to care about my depression which was getting worse every week at the time. What if I actually attempted and successfully committed suicide? She seemed to think that ADHD was more problematic than disorders that could actually fucking kill you. I will never forgive her for that and I started hating her ever since.
- She once took away my shit for 2 fucking weeks because I didn't do something as unimportant and trivial as closing the blinds in our living room. That is one of the dumbest and pettiest punishments I have ever seen a parent give their kid.
There is more I can add to this list but I'd be here all day.
My point is...I have terrible parents and I can't stand them anymore. I'm 18 and enrolled in community college so I cant move out unfortunately, but when I go to a 4 year university and move into the dorms, I will be A LOT happier and less miserable than I am now.
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self.offmychest
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A lot of fellow Hispanics give me shit for wanting to date outside my race [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Sensory overload - caused by anxiety? I would really, really appreciate some input on this.
I've had panic attacks on and off since I was a kid (23 now). I've had issues with anxiety my entire life.
A few months ago the panic attacks became more frequent, as well as daily anxiety. (Several of the most stressful things in my entire life have all happened in the last few months).
I also have a crippling fear of Schizophrenia, this fear has also massively impacted my life. So my question is this:
I'm getting panic attacks (and severe anxiety anticipating them) every single time I go into busy / crowded situations. I live in London so this means even going to the supermarket - everything feels like there's too much going on, I get dizzy, weak, heartbeats, sense of dread, and it spirals into a panic attack. It feels like sensory overload - and I'm worried it's a sign I'm developing Schizophrenia.
So I'm asking if 'sensory overload' can be the anxiety, or if it's a sign I'm developing schizophrenia. (I have no family history of Schizophrenia)
tl;dr - terrified of developing schizophrenia, started feeling sensory overload in public and want to know if this 'sensory overload' thing can be anxiety / panic attacks.
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self.Anxiety
|
DAE have trouble with brushing their teeth? I know I need to brush my teeth but alot of times I just can't get it together to do it. My arms and legs and head and body are so heavy I just have to lie down. Then I feel shitty that I have terrible hygiene. Then I think that when I done have any teeth left it will be easier to put a shotgun in my mouth. I'm so tired of feeling like this.
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self.depression
|
Does anybody else REALLY hate that song by Logic about suicide prevention? WHO CAN RELATE!1?1
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self.depression
|
i should be happy i don't know what this is, a cry for a help or a stupid rant from another stupid fucking kid that shouldn't be whining about stupid fucking non issues.
I want to die. every single day it's all I think about. but I don't know how to explain all of the emotions I feel because one second, i feel everything all at once- the fucking sadness and anger and hopelessness and every negative emotion just pulling at my goddamn heart strings. and then the next moment I'm beyond anxious and stressed, which then makes me more depressed. then I think about wanting to die and coming up with suicide plans in my head, then I think of the aftermath of it all and how much pain the people that love me would be in if I follow through with the ideas. then I feel so fucking guilty that I would even think this way, then I wonder why people would even fucking care if I died because my life or death shouldn't matter to other people and they should mind their own business. then occasionally Ill feel elated and wanting to take on the world and be the best in what I do. then that gets overshadowed by the negative emotions all over again.
I grew up in a picture perfect household, no abuse, no true struggle, always had food on the table and clothes on my back. right now I'm a college athlete and living what should be my best life. the only time I feel normal and in control is when we're training. the second we're done, I'm hit with the fucking realization that the only thing I love aint gonna last forever and that I hope I die before it ends so I won't have to feel this pain anymore. it's my only fucking vice.
the idea of speaking to people haunts me. I avoid confrontation and conversation because I don't want to mess up or say the wrong thing and accidentally make people feel bad. yet when my teammates or classmates speak to me, I'm the life of the fucking party and crack jokes and put that smile on my face because no one wants to fuck with the sad and depressed kid. my family and friends wouldn't expect a fucking thing because I've been on this facade that I'm alright for so long that whenever I would try to express my feelings, they would be dismissed. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to live anymore. but I know I'll never get the balls to kill myself because that would end up transferring all this fucking pain I feel onto everyone else around me.
I don't deserve the right to complain or feel this way. nothing wrong has happened to me so I have no right to feel this way. I guess I'll just have to live with this fucking monster in my head for the rest of my goddamn life.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Trans. I want to get high tonight and then finally kill myself. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Ending therapy My psychiatrist thinks I have improved and suggested we should end our therapy sessions. We agreed on 2more session then I should call if I needed her.
This might be my chance to finally end it all, I've been stockpiling my medication and planed everything.
I'm getting good at faking, even my family thinks I'm doing better.
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self.depression
|
Death of a loved one, How do I recover?? So my grandmother passed away, she was the person with the most impact on my life. I can’t even begin to explain. Problem is I couldn’t even be there for her funeral as we were continents away. When I first heard the news, I couldn’t hold back the tears but now I really can’t get myself to believe that she is no longer there, I feel like she’s gonna be there when I go back home to visit, she’s gonna be there for the big stuff but actually she’s not and I’m stuck with this emptiness in my soul I neither grieve her or feel like she’s still there with us. It’s the first time I’ve experienced the death of a loved one and I know it’s unfortunately not gonna be the last.. and I’m not sure I can handle it. Any advice on how to cope? The fact that I wasn’t there to say goodbye hurts the most..
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self.depression
|
i need to talk. I've ruined my public image. Everything i say, nobody takes seriously. I'm the laughing stock of the entire god damn town because all i do is awkwardly pretend to know what i'm doing while everyone continues their daily routine of watching the extremely self conscious kid fuck up everything he touches. I've got a temper as long as my self esteem is high which doesn't help with my parents well being either. Every day they'll come home after actually working and actually contributing to society in whatever way/shape/form just to see/hear me screaming at whatever it is that is in my way, which is normally just a miniature thing able to me remedied in seconds. But noooo my dumb ass has to take it 3 levels higher and start throwing things around because poor little me cant do whatever it is. I don't think of suicide as a cry for attention/help, i think of it as making everybody around me live a much happier life. Nobody would bat an eyelash if i did it, they would see i'm gone and have to waste a little less of their time looking at me fuck some sort of stupid shit up. I'm a short-tempered fat ass who does nothing but sit at a computer screen all day and whine when something isn't going my way only to start yelling if it continues to be so. I can see my parents trying to not anger my like trying to navigate a minefield and it hurts to see them like that and to know i have caused it. I'm not their son, i'm simply a burden that they have to put up with until i move out or kill myself. I'll take the latter if it means i don't have to yell anymore.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Decided to open up about my suicidal thoughts in the comment section. Just got sent this PM: [removed]
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self.depression
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I have no motivation or friends Hi. This is going to be a long rant. Sorry if this is not the place to post this. I just need to get it out of my head.
I am 20 and currently in my second year of college. I am facing the likely outcome that I will be, at a minimum, suspended for a year because of my bad grades. My parents are great and I love them a lot, but they will rightfully be very disappointed and pissed off. I am not looking forward to that conversation.
My main problem is that I have no motivation to do anything. My floor is a pile of laundry that I have needed to do for days. I am out of food so I just don't eat. I don't even play video games. Most importantly, I don't go to class or do my homework. The worst part is that I know this is a problem, I just can't do anything. I am very stressed, yet I just sit and look at reddit all day. I used to be smart. I had a 4.0 and I liked school. Then halfway through high school, something happened. I stopped doing my homework and I started failing. I went from being three years ahead in math, to having to take calc 1 for the 4th time when I get back from suspension.
Another big problem are my social skills. I have always been a very shy and quiet person. I used to have a lot of friends though. But overtime we started to grow apart. They met people that actually talked to them. I started to be invited less and less. I still get invited sometimes for big group stuff, but being at a college a few hours away I only see them a few times over breaks. No one texts me, but to be fair I don't text anyone either.
I have had a hard time making friends here at college. At first I was nervous because wasn't going to know anyone, but at the same time I was excited for a fresh start. It started off well though. I made a friend at orientation and I joined the robotics club (I used to be a CS major). I mainly hung out with the robotics team at first, but then my friend from orientation invited me to hang out with some friends that he made. I was splitting my time between the groups but after a couple months I realized that I was not having much fun with the robotics team and a few of the guys were dicks. So I quit the team and started hanging out with my other friends full time. By second semester however, the group was down to mainly me and two other people. The two other people were roommates so we would hang out in their room. There was a big problem though. They both played video games, and I did not. I like video games, but I was never allowed to play them much and I only had a DS. My friends also still had friends from high school that they played games with and talked to. So most of my time was spent sitting in their room watching them play games or reading reddit. But we got along and I did not have any other friends so now we live together. I worked over the summer and I got a pc. I was hoping for a better year.
Of course that could not happen though. My one roommate joined a club and spends most of his time there so now he only plays once in a while with his old friends, and my other roommate has stopped playing video games. We don't have much else in common so beside occasionally watching YouTube or Netflix together I spend most of my time alone in my room. I have not met anyone with the same interests as me. Not many people want to go to a football game and play video games. And being at a kind of party school, it is even harder to find someone that also doesn't get drunk/high every night.
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self.depression
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Constant, horrific nightmares I've been experiencing horrifying nightmares for 3 weeks straight. They're inescapable, I haven't gotten a break even if I'm just taking a nap or something. And they're affecting me more than I previously thought - every morning starts off in panic, and I almost always wake up drenched in sweat and crying.
Many of them incorporate fear, psychosis, and lack of control, and I'm typically lucid at several points in the dream, which leads to me feeling trapped and terrified.
Should I bring this up to my therapist, or my psych? If it's the Lamictal, I don't want her to take me off it because the benefits vastly outweigh this particular side effect. I've always had vivid, often frightful or difficult dreams, so maybe this is just a period where they're much worse as I'm processing the fallout of my last psychotic break and subsequent serious breakup and loss of stability.
Not sure what to do. I'm shaking and drained, beginning every morning like this is starting to be really upsetting.
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self.bipolar
|
i don't know why i feel like this. i just want it to stop. (vent; sort of long. advice needed.) hey. i just need to vent about my life because i don't know if there's really anything else i can do.
i feel so dumb; like there's no true reason why i feel this way. like i don't have the right to be sad. nothing happened to me. it's like i go to sleep sad, wake up in the morning fine, and i just randomly get depressed. sometimes for no reason at all. i just feel so sad and left out all the time. i have no motivation to do anything i used to love to do. the only thing i really do is listen to music because that's the only thing i can relate to.
i'm 17 and i go to an early college high school, where we'll graduate with a hs diploma and an associates degree and everything is free. we go to school on a college campus and take four actual college classes and four high school ones. this stresses me out to the max. my grades are not the best and i have no motivation to do anything to fix them. my parents add on to that so much. they don't understand how hard it is on me and how much work i actually have to do, along with them pressuring me to learn to drive, get a job, clean the house, etc. it's just stress upon stress upon stress.
i also have no social life. i can't trust anyone because every time i do i get betrayed. i no longer vent to anyone because the last time i did, i was basically just told i was complaining too much and i should stop. and whenever i do try to talk to someone, no one cared. they'd just change the subject. i have a few friends i sit at lunch with but they're all mean. i know it's just jokes but it gets annoying. dealing with this gets me so bothered and it ruins me for the rest of the day. every time i do talk to someone new, they drop me. and i don't act depressed in front of people. i try to look happy so i won't have to bring this up, because i as i said before, i don't like to talk about my feelings.
i just have nothing to look forward to in my life. i have no real friends. i don't have any motivation. all i do is sleep. i don't even eat that much anymore, honestly. i mean nothing to anyone. my feelings clearly don't matter. everyone has someone they'd choose over me. i'm not living. i'm just existing. and i want it to stop.
thanks for listening to me whine.
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self.depression
|
Fear of Job Anxiety This is probably venting but I welcome your experiences regarding this topic as well :)
3 years ago, i was suffering from Panic disorders a lot. I started therapy and took meds. Last year i started to reduce meds and therapy which led to me being therapy and med free this summer.
This winter I had to deal with a few problems at once (increased stress at work, a failed relationship and my dad suffering from dementia and parkinsons). Due to me probably not dealing well/expressing all the emotions that came with these situations, my anxiety disorder relapsed and I develloped agoraphobia and job anxiety (since this was the place where I had the most severe "restless" feeling). Other parts of my dailly life are well manageable like going shopping or going outside where the anxiety is there but will usually disappear after a while.
Going back to my job however feels really difficult since my job is very logic based and leaves little room for my "irrational" fears / feelings. I also have fear from being overwhelmed by the job tasks and drowning in work. I fear of "snapping" at work or just not being able to deal with my fears at work. It helps that my coworkers and also even my HR superior now know about my issue.
I have roughly 2 weeks now until I'm expected to start working again and I seem to make not that much progress regarding decresasing my fears of it. It also doesn't help that I don't enjoy my work that much and often thought about quitting it, but i know the timing right now (in a crisis) would be rather bad.
I'm trying to arrange a "softer" start to keep the intensity in the starting week lower to enable an easier start but my superiors at work are kinda new to this kind of problem and I feel their understanding of my issue is limited.
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self.Anxiety
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ongoing dreams Does anyone else have these? I just dreamed the entire day, woke up and was freaking out because I was in my bed.
I've also had the same dream day after day, and had dreams that are ongoing from the last one and it's always when I'm anxious going to sleep.
I know it's normal to have these sometimes, but mine can go on for weeks. Always have since I was a little kid. And I've been told it due to anxiety/stress, but why am I dreaming about going through a day in high school (5+ years ago) and writing a book I can remember in my dreams but never when I'm awake. This sucks,I want to sleep, but I don't want to sleep, not be in high school on a bus writing down...something. And wake up remembering it, but not in enough detail to actually write it in detail.
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self.Anxiety
|
A year later and my boyfriend's ex still obsesses over ME. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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maybe we subconsciously like Anxiety, becaause it makes us feel a certain way? I was just thinking that maybe anxiety does something for me that makes me need it, for example i find that overcoming what i find to be larger obstacles/challenges (they don't need to be objectively so, just what i consider them to be), I have a higher satisfaction overcoming them. Or a better excuse not trying or succeeding overcoming them.
Maybe we make things harder than they need to for ourselves because we need to feel strong (er)? Because we ultimately consider ourselves inferior?
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self.Anxiety
|
I feel so different than everyone that surrounds me four years after my girlfriend's suicide. I feel so lonely, and I'm not sure how much nore I can handle. I'm 23, just got my first full time job, and graduated from college. I hang out with a lot of people, but I feel like I'm on the outside looking in.
Four years ago, my girlfriend committed suicide right before I left for college. I honestly barely survived that experience, but I was lucky to have counseling and antidepressants. I also got heavily involved with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
I feel still so very different and out of place, four years later. I feel like having to carry that weight made me grow up too fast.
Now that I'm out of college, I've been trying to make new friends. But now matter what angle I try to go about solving this: clubs, church, bars, dating apps, work etc... I've been failing to make a connection.
I feel like seeing the value of a human life, and going through that trauma changed what I value. And I hate how I'm not a normal 23 year old. I feel really lonely in the crowds I surround myself with, no matter where I met these people from. And when I try opening up to people, I feel like they don't give a shit.
I just need someone to talk to. I'm so fucking tired of this crushing pit inside me.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Trying I’m trying so hard not to end up an inpatient for suicidal thoughts/ideation before my birthday in two weeks or Christmas. I don’t want to disappoint anyone or fail my course I’m doing
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self.SuicideWatch
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No money no food homeless on the brink of suicide Somehow things have gotten worse im only 18 and im homeless im fucked i don’t do drugs nothing I got kicked out on the street because my mum is fucked up because of drugs and she kicked me on the street been 6 months nothings changed iv got a noose ready to go but should i wait till im 20 or die now I havnt even got money for some bread Il spend Christmas alone and I’m lonely I’m sad and I’m so young what did I ever do i just want my life to end I can’t get a job let alone do I really want to slave away for my life? Please help me anyway
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self.depression
|
I got a job but the anxiety is getting worse and worse I got an awesome job offer and they sent me an offer letter and pay/benefits, everything already, passed my drug test and just waiting confirmation on my background check (I passed it because I had a previous one around a month ago for the govt and passed that). They gave me next Monday as a start date but I still get chest pains and panic attacks thinking they will call me and reject me. I felt like I needed the space to let this out.
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self.Anxiety
|
I thought I was bipolar for a while but I wish I didn’t Hi Reddit,
I’ve been a long time user of reddit but this is my first post. I got diagnosed a few weeks ago and have since been taking medication. I am kinda scared bc my mom is very depressed, my dad is bipolar, and my dads mom killed her self in the 70s bc she was manic depressive. It would just be cool to talk to someone who knows what it’s like to deal with this haha
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self.bipolar
|
i feel so insignificant i was unjustly fired as a university level coach and i can't get anyone to tell me why or even listen to my side of the story. instead, someone else is pocketing my money. i'm so stunned and depressed right now i'm struggling to make ends meet and continue to fight this. i don't know who to take my contract to. i don't know where to find the motivation to keep going.
everything i've ever done has been a huge failure and i just feel ready to lay down and be done with my life. i feel like even if i go on there's just going to be someone else that uses and abuses me next.
i can't handle this by myself. i can't handle it at all anymore.
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self.offmychest
|
I cant wait start the new year This year I got engaged to the girl I loved after 3 years of dating and her begging to get engaged. So we took a hiking trip Colorado with our dog and I proposed at the top of a mountain because we loved to hike and be active. This was supposed be a happy time for us but it only got worse after that. You see 6 months into wedding planning she came to me at 1 in the morning expecting to her say hi after a long trip I had earlier that day but instead she just told me flat out that she cannot marry me. Didn't even want to talk about it, she just wanted to break up. Apparently she didn't want to move to Colorado like we had been planning, she wanted kids ASAP even though we talked about waiting til we were older, and most of all she never enjoyed hiking that much and didn't want to be active anymore. After hearing this, I wasn't mad or sad I was just bewildered because I felt betrayed and didn't know to react to this. How could someone lie to me and themselves for years and not talk me about it until now? It made no sense, but she told me after her dad passed away 2 years earlier her anxiety grew worse and couldn’t figure out what she wants in life anymore. That was all she felt she needed to explain to me and me being confused and exhausted at the time, I just told her to leave.
A week went by and I called her about what we wanted to do about our dog since he was ours and we both loved him but did not answer, after 2 days of not hearing back I called again and she finally picked up she said that I could still have him over when im home from my work trips and we did that for a couple months, never talking about anything except when it was about who have the dog over that week. How could we since she now ignores most of my texts and calls.
This was only the beginning of what was worse to come. You see my grandmother passed away for unknown reasons during all of this and I never really got to say goodbye until she was in her casket. She was so friendly to everyone she met that at her funeral there were hundreds of people there for support and say goodbyes. It was one of the most heartwarming sights I saw but I was grieving and really needed some comfort from someone or something who was always there for me… our dog.
When it was my turn to have the dog over before my trip I decided to have my roommate watch him while I was on my work trip for a few days so that I could have something to come home to help with my grieving. We never talked about when I would return him and she barely replies to me when it comes to pick up our dog so I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal and I wanted to keep him permanently. My reasoning was since he was a very active dog and her not wanting to be active anymore, I would get her a less active dog. I thought this was a very fair deal and even talked to my family and therapist about it and they all agreed on it. So when she picked him up a week later, I asked if I could keep him forever. But instead of understanding and saying ‘no’ to the offer she got really offended and stormed out. I was really sad she didn’t agree but I figured we would just have to do what we kept doing. So I week later I asked I could have the dog over but no reply, called and no answer either. After a few days of nothing I text her again and she tells me she doesn’t want me to see our dog and doesn’t want to talk to me anymore because it makes her uncomfortable … It was the last I ever heard of her. She blocked me on social media, changed her locks, and ignores any type of communication I even tried talking to her mom all she said was deal with it. I don’t know what I did to deserve this kind of treatment, I gave her nothing but love and respect and in one moment of weakness, she goes full force on burning bridges with me. I never threated her or harassed her and I got no closure on anything. Not the relationship, my grandma, and our dog. I never even got to say goodbye. I never thought I could sink so low after that day.
I have healed a little in the past couple weeks after talking with a therapist but I am still in distress about the whole deal. Nothing feels logical about what happened the only reason I come up with is that her anxiety has become so bad that everything scares her when anything goes slightly bad in her life and would rather ignore her problems than face them.
I am going to quit my job and move away to Colorado within this coming year after I finish my big traveling project and travel the world to find myself, do all the things I couldn't do while in a relationship, and be rid of all the tainted memories that were all lies. I even have been going out much more and gone on a few dates but I don’t think I could get into another relationship or get a dog anytime soon as I don’t want to plant anymore seeds in the sour soil if that makes sense. Before I move, I really hope I could at least see our dog one last time before I start a new chapter and get some much needed closure. Thank you for spending time reading my thoughts.
|
self.offmychest
|
What happened at work today proves how much of a pathetic retard I am. Sorry for the clickbaitey title
I work at a retail store. My usual job is to Condition, which is basically just making the shelves look nice. Ensuring that the items are in the right spots and such.
Today I thought I did a fairly okay job. Deep down I knew that I'm a pathetic retard, but there still existed a small glimmer of "You did good, man" in my head somewhere.
But then I saw my boss check an aisle I conditioned. It was the candy aisle. He didn't know I was on the other side of the aisle. He looked at the shelves, and.....he shook his head "No" over and over again. And then he started reaching to straighten out something. That's all I saw before I left for the day.
I did a fucking horrible job. I know it. My boss is probably fuming at me. I'll probably be told off tomorrow. Maybe I'll get the "This isn't working out" talk. I'm such a fucking pathetic retard loser. My mom deserves so much better. I'm a fucking failure. The only thing in my life that matters right now(my job) is something I'm a fucking failure at. I'll never do anything good. I'll always fail. I fucking hate myself.
|
self.depression
|
Coming back home to a home I don't even have anymore... I came back to an empty house - no furniture, no food, no filtered water (the only potable thing in this house comes from the sink, WTF.) Boxes everywhere - some are filled with stuff, some are filled with more folded up boxes. We now have a half-landscaped yard, a new car (a loaner - Dad's getting his car fixed, so I guess he's gonna keep both... good news for me right?) My room is still the same. But other than that, this place doesn't feel like any kind of home anymore. We're gonna be out of here soon... and I have no idea where the fuck any of the three of us (including the cat) is gonna go.
I see my primary care doctor tomorrow. Realized that even with a little weed left over from my SoCal trip, I'm a little depressed. Oh shit, missed meds for the past two days. That's why! You suck, Reaper...
But yeah, surely I'll have a lot to talk about with my doctor. He's not a psych professional of any kind, but he gives a shit. He knows I've been lost for a while, and if I have in fact figured out where I want to live (and since my dad's selling this place, I need to get that shit figure that out now more than ever) then it's time I established some decent mental health supports. I can't keep relying on him for everything - I need so much more than he's able to give.
My health insurance is kind of a clusterfuck. I'm on Medicare, but don't plan to stay on it (it's my dad's policy, and as far as I know will go away if I work long enough to prove to them that my mom was, in fact, a batshit insane white collar criminal.) I do have state health insurance as a backup (medicare only covers 80% of doctor's visits) but I'm extremely limited in what that offers me. When I tried to find a therapist in my area a few months ago, there was a two month waiting list. It's ridiculous.
But if I move to the town where my cousin lives (as opposed to where I went to college and all my friends are, which is out of state) I'll still have that state insurance. The only question is, how do I get there? I pretty much have to rely on my dad to answer this, but I'm so afraid to talk to him about anything right now. He can't handle it. I feel like anything I ask him, he'll tell me he won't be able to help. His side of the family has been great (my uncle and my cousin will be here tomorrow to finish landscaping our long-neglected yard) but they're helping him, not me. They don't know what to do for me. But then again, neither does he.
But as stressful as it all sounds, I've been so prepared for this to happen for so long that I'm kinda relieved that it finally is. Part of me wonders if it's better that this situation is in front of me, so I'm not forced to ruminate even more on my fucked up past than I've already spent my post-teenage life doing. I have to act. I have to *do something*. I just do not know what.
|
self.bipolar
|
Thoughts that wander... I have battled depression for 14 years and haven’t self harmed for a long time, something like 10+ years. Lately my mind has been wandering to thoughts of suicide or at the very least self harm. No one I know personally has any experience with this level of depression and I’m feeling pretty alone. Thanks for reading.
|
self.depression
|
Plans to die M/28 I have been in a state of depression since 15 i was molested/raped as a child from 5 - 17 by my "friends" my dad died at 9 he was my world. i have told many ppl this. Even after i tell them they dont seem to care. I do things that i enjoy. Although that doesnt seem enough to give me the stimulation i need. I haven't felt love even with my gf who loves me to death. I feel if i ask for anything from the universe i kind of get it and that makes me feel like shit. I would love to give back good vibes and positivity. Yet every time i try i feel like i failed some how. So i made a plan in the near feature after i come back from pax with my gf. I am going to buy a gun and kill my self. I have thought long and hard about this and i feel there is nothing i should live for. Life in my mind is simple. the only point to life is procreation and i dont want to do the same thing my dad did to me. So ill will just end my life with no kids to minimize the damage to the world.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Getting a girlfriend I just got out of a long term relationship about a year ago . I’m a 25 year old dude and consider myself reasonably- pretty damn good looking.
My ex was the first person I opened up to about my anxiety and was the reason I sought help.
But now that we’re broken up, I realize how much she helped me in days were I felt most anxious. Even a simple phone call would help me.
Now she’s not around anymore and I have to deal with all these emotions again by myself, it’s like getting anxiety from scratch again and having to re-work all my coping mechanisms.
It seems impossible to talk and open up to another girl again.
I really want a girlfriend but I don’t know what to do , anybody have a similar experience?
|
self.Anxiety
|
i know who i am i know who i am i am stupid ugly worthless weak freak crazy burden not even worthy of recovery
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I finally bottomed out today. Tank is on E at this point. I can't fake through conversations today. Normally I force myself out the house but I don't have the energy for it right now.
I did pretty well for a while there. Made it a few months without hitting this point. That's a pretty big achievement I think. So I can be proud of that.
We all need a break from everything, I think, after a while.
|
self.depression
|
My family say it's my fault im depressed So i think im going through depression, or so I'm told i am by friends, and im always sad and at times grumpy. When im around my uncle, he starts blaming me for being in that state and says stuff like "you cry over small things" or "your generation have weak minds and can't deal with basic problems"
This really pisses me off and make edge more and more to suicide. I don't want to die right now because I'm going to inflict pain on my best friends and some of my family.
It's hard enough to live life in so much pain and my uncle and some other make me feel even more like shit. I've had thoughts about running away and leaving them forever.
I need help but no one understands. What do i do?
|
self.depression
|
Anxiety Tattoo Idea Hey guys. So I’m exactly one week I’ll be getting another tattoo for my 18th birthday. I wanted to dedicate this one to mental illness. I’ve seen the semicolon tattoos, and while they are nice they seem a little played out to me. My idea was of getting a three-headed dragon. The heads will represent anxiety, depression, and all other illnesses. The dragon will be on its hind legs and there will be a sword pointed towards it. The sword will represent us defeating these illnesses, And yes I mean US.
I also want to put some words around it so feel welcome to put some ideas in the comments.
I put this here to see what you guys think of the idea. I’ll get it either way but you guys matter to me since you are my community.
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self.Anxiety
|
Anyone else tired of being forced into "appropriate" groups to talk about mental health? In the real world if you open up about your problems to others they tend to either change how they behave around you and distance them selves or tell you to go elsewhere to get help. Online we're forced to only talk about it in subs like these. That leads to people with emotional issues to be "quarantined" and only be around each other. While there's nothing wrong with everybody here sharing their problems and relating, if somebody wants advice it's hard to get new ideas from others who are still struggling themselves. I believe that isolating us only makes things worse. As far as therapy in the real world, It's just somebody's job. You can't tell if they really care to help you or are just going through the motions because that's their paycheck. I understand that only we can fix our own problems but it's almost impossible with zero outside help.
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self.depression
|
Bipolar OCD What in the world are you supposed to do after receiving a psych evaluation? I obviously got recommendations for treatment but handling this mentally/emotionally is just not happening. I feel like I’m drowning in diagnosis’s and problems.
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self.bipolar
|
your life is not your own I'm not okay. But there's no outlet where I can say that or explain it where there would be any improvement. Mostly talking about how I feel would make things far worse, so I have to deal with it myself, but all of my stupid problems are coming from myself so I don't know how that can work out.
I just wish that people didn't care about me. I know it probably sounds like a terrible and spoiled thing to say but I wish that there was no one there for me. With every person that has any positive association with me there come expectations, hopes, feelings, and the grossest of all admiration. I didn't want any of this but there it is.
Some people are so unfortunate to have no one to care for them and they still keep going. I wish I could give what I have to them - that I could give them a life with a purpose that they could use, and I could go into a life where my actions don't affect other people, where I don't inherit anything, where I come from nothing and go to nothing. I wish I had nothing. I wish I was nothing. I wish someone else had this something instead of me.
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self.offmychest
|
Life is a really fun party. And I'm standing outside peering through the window.
|
self.depression
|
Anyone else have the uncontrollable urge to pace? I'm not sure if it's related to a mood episode or not, but lately I can't stop pacing around the house. It's like I get full of this energy and I don't know what to do with it but I definitely can't sit still and all my body knows to do is move.
Anyone else experience this?
|
self.bipolar
|
''You are just looking for an excuse to be lazy'' ''Stop pitying yourself and start functioning''
''You are just a crybaby''
''You will feel better once you stop pitying yourself''
''The world isnt about you stop seeking attention for your non existing problems''
This is why I dont open up to people about how Im feeling. I only get shit for it making me feel worse about myself because I cant just turn my feelings off. All it does is just killing my shitty leftover confidence and makes me isolate myself more.
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self.depression
|
First Time Meeting With A Rehabilitation Counselor. Anyone Ever Have Luck With Them? I met with a rehabilitation counselor to help me find work. I recently was let go due to unsatisfactory performance (I disagreed, there was drama at work and I got pulled into it). I then landed a job at a grocery store but quit in less than a week or two because of anxiety. I explained this to the Rehabilitation Counselor. He/she is supposed to help me find a job. Anyone ever have luck with this process?
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self.bipolar
|
Depressed, Christian and (most likely) Gay I'm not going to put a label on my sexuality at the moment but there's a strong possibility of me being gay (I'm a dude) because I've been masturbating to gay thoughts/porn at least once a day for the past several years (I'm 21). As a Christian, it really sucks because I've been drifting away from God due to struggling with my sexuality and every time something bad happens or doesn't go my way, I see it as a punishment from God for masturbating to gay thoughts/porn and I feel immense guilt from it.
|
self.depression
|
I feel at a loss right now I feel like it's not worth it to keep trying
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self.SuicideWatch
|
The occasional panic attack For the majority of the almost-22 years I've lived, I never had any problems regarding either my mental and physical health. Even when I went through the grueling, very stressful process of studying for the Korean SATs (studying for 15 hours and sleeping for hours 5 hours a day), I managed to keep my shit together and stay strong. I got into my one of my dream colleges, met my current boyfriend, and lived an overall pretty good life.
And then it happened.
It was the beginning of the school year (around March in Korea). One day after school, I met up with my boyfriend to go out and have dinner with him. We had a good dinner, said goodbye, and I headed to catch the subway ride back home. I was feeling perfectly fine when the subway came and even when I stepped in and the doors closed.
All of a sudden, I felt extremely dizzy and hot, like I was going to faint, and even worse, it felt like my heart was pounding so fast that I was sure that it was just going to stop beating at one point and that I would die of heart failure in that subway.
This literally happened about ten seconds after the train left that station.
The temperature inside the subway was cool but I was feeling so suffocated and dizzy that I had to take off my coat and sit down with my head buried inside my lap. I was SO terrified because I really though I was going to die and I literally couldn't comprehend what was happening to me because I never have had motion sickness / ever fainted or experienced anything like this before.
Luckily I didn't faint, but I did end up throwing up right after that, so that just really took the traumatizing effect of that experience to the next level.
After that, I couldn't leave the house for a few days because I though that was going to die or faint, I'd rather have it happen in the comfort of my own bed than in public. When I got over that, I still couldn't ride the subway for a while because I was afraid I was going to faint/throw up/die of a heart attack.
So I took a taxi to school instead of the usual subway ride for a while. Then one day, I had a slightly smaller attack happen while I was in a taxi, so that really ruined my options for transportation to school for a while.
And then was attack-free for over six months and almost forgot about it until I got another one in late October that year. This time, I wasn't in a moving vehicle or subway. I was in the middle of the building where I had just been to class. I was walking at a normal pace, planning to meet up with my best friend. when suddenly BAM! Another attack.
They were the same symptoms, minus the nausea and throwing up part. But the terror was even worse. Even though deep down I knew that the rational explanation was that it was just a panic attack, somehow I still was convinced that I couldn't breathe and my heart was going to stop from beating too fast. I eventually had to call my mom, who was at work, to drive 40-50 minutes to come take me home because I was in no state to take public transportation.
My mom realized that this could be a serious problem and she took me to see a psychologist. He agreed that those episodes were indeed panic attacks and prescribed medication that would calm me down if I had another severe one, but he didn't diagnose me with panic disorder for now.
Since then, I haven't had a panic attack, but I still try to avoid doing anything that might make me even a little breathless (ex. running) because I've become very afraid of that feeling.
I also worry about when my next panic attack will come, and knowing that there's nothing I can do to stop it makes me feeling like a ticking time bomb, counting down towards that next panic attack that'll most likely happen within six months. Luckily this fear doesn't consume my entire life right now, probably because my attacks are so far apart, but it's still constantly inside my head, every day.
Gosh I just realized this is such a long rambling mess of a post and kudos to you if you made it down this far.
I just really wanted to get this out and tell someone my story, and was wondering if any of you go through the occasional panic attack like me, not so frequent enough that it consumes your life but still has a huge impact on it. Also would like to know if there are any instances of this type of pattern developing into fully fledged disorder.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Can't get enough sleep Every night I'm exhausted but as soon as my head hits the pillow it's like my brain flips a switch and I can't stop thinking. I make lists of things I need to do tomorrow, things I should do tomorrow, the ideal course I should take for the rest of the week, things I should've done that day that I didn't, things I should've done that week that I didn't, expenses/bills vs projected income for the month... Then move into reliving embarrassing moments from the day, then the week, then the month.
By that point I'm so exhausted all I can think about is how much the next day is going to suck. I calculate how much time I'll have to actually sleep... Then I need to adjust my lists of things I need/should do for the day, change the ideal course of the rest of the week, add not sleeping to the list of things I've fucked up for the day/week, then repeat...
Last night I know I was still awake at 3:30am, not sure when I fell asleep. I end up sleeping late but still don't get enough sleep (plus I'm up 4-7 times throughout the night anyway) and then the next day DOES suck.
DAE experience this? How do you manage it? I'm quite frustrated - I'm an adult, I've been out of college for years, it feels like SLEEP of all things should be something I've figured out by now but it's been like this for years.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm cancer. Gonna relapse for the last time. I'm cancer in everyone's life I have been in. I am a destructive force of nature that will ruin your life, happiness and soul. I get paid next Friday and I'm going to od on my old drug of choice. I don't know if I should write a note and tell everyone it was on purpose or just let them think I relapsed and O.D'd. Actually I think I should write a letter, it kills me though that really....I don't have anyone to say goodbye to.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I need help moving on and ease the pressure... [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
I feel so fucking lonely. I am out with friends right now and I am realising how alone I really am. They could be having so much fun but I'm just dragging them down. They do care for me, but I can't seem to accept it. WHY AM I SO FUCKING LONELY???
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self.depression
|
Whenever Something Bad or Slightly Inconvenient Happens to Me, My First Thought is "Wow I Should Kill Myself." [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Questions about medications - any input? I'm really struggling to make progress. So I've been diagnosed type II for two years now. Previously I've been operating with an ADD diagnosis since I was 10 and another late on. No problems mentally in high school and I wasn't medicated for ADD either. Got to college and the mental issues came out. I decided to go back to a stimulant because hey everyone was and I knew I could get it. I lost 70lbs in the first six months (I was 290 when I graduated HS, I'm 6'7 and played football so it wasn't like a huge alarm to doctors and have maintained 220). I've been taking Vyvanse (110mg daily currently) for almost 5 years now. I won't admit out-loud but I know I am severely dependant on it and I self dose regularly. I get angry without out it, hot flashes, feel stupid, the works. I absolutely cannot be without it if I have any work to do. I'm on 400mg Lithium now along with the vyvanse. My MD gives me the vyvanse and a Psych gives me lithium. Psych said if i need it keep taking it but I've read that Bipolar can show up as ADD symptoms in early childhood. Does anyone have any type of experience with ADD meds or stimulants in relation to Bipolar disorder and lithium? Thanks so much.
|
self.bipolar
|
Why is it so hard to just start exercising? [removed]
|
self.depression
|
there is no reason to feel this way and still you feel like shit
trapped inside your own body
i just want my mind to be free
|
self.depression
|
How this man undid several years of friendship in one message. Massochists HATE him!!!! How do I even start with this. There was a "party" yesterday. I was reluctant, but I went. I wanted to talk to someone. We had a little makeshift deal to go have fun together. So you know, I thought, fuck it, maybe this will be one of those good nights when the drinks hit the spot and everything feels alright. Boy was I wrong. I should have known better. I can't drink enough to fix my emotions anymore, every shot, every pint, it all just makes me feel worse.
Anyways, larger event, got there, realised I know like 3 people, my friend wasn't there yet. Fuck, off to a great start. Whatever, no problem, I'll just start drinking, use one of my acquaintances as an in, all in all a solid plan methinks. Except everyone I knew was in a relationship. The vibe was off, way too romantic-ish to shoot the shit with strangers. Alright starting to feel a bit like shit now, nobody to talk to, nobody that wants to talk to me, fucking great. Why did I even leave my house. My friend arrives. She was the reason I went. We were supposed to be together. However one of the people at this "party" has a thing for her. They've got some history to back it up. On and off or whatever. If I knew this dude was here, I wouldn't have come. I don't mind him, he's a decent enough person. I just don't want to hurt myself. Anyways, I already feel like shit, so I go full defeatist. Tell her this guy was looking for her. Man it feels like I just stabbed myself, but that's what I live for. Actually feeling things. She kind of scoffs to humour me for a bit, but I fucking know she wants to talk to him a lot more than she wants to talk to me. That's just who I am. So, no reason to stick around and watch, sort of analogous to stubbing your toe on purpose for 3 hours straight.
I leave. It's about 11:30 PM. Walk home. I don't deserve a cab. Snap some stupid suicide "joke" to a few people, including her, I'm smashed so I don't care at this point. Anyways, get home, start bawling my eyes out, the usual. Hour later, she texts me. Probably saw the snap. Asks me if I'm alright. I tell her I'm alive and to enjoy her night. I genuinely didn't want to ruin it for her. She calls me. Asks me why I didn't go to this other event that we were supposed to go to, an afterparty of sorts if you will. I tell her I didn't feel like it. Hang up. 5 minutes later I feel like an asshole, say sorry. Few messages get swapped. An hour passes. I realise I can't do this anymore. I text her, tell her how I feel about her, and that we shouldn't talk for a month or two. Give me room to get over her. I fall asleep. Wake up. Regret everything. After 5 minutes of straight dread, check my phone. She says she understands. That she's sad about it. But that she understands. This would be absolutely great, if not for the fact that she's the only person I talk to on the level that I do. She's the only person I've ever considered to be my best friend. And now I've gone ahead and ruined absolutely everything. I have nothing to live for anymore. All I do is go to class occasionally, come home, play miserable songs on the guitar to myself (or try at least), realise I suck at it, and end the night with a video game binge, not because I want to, but because I don't want the free time.
I will never find anyone like this. I'm a selfish prick who's willing to undo multiple solid years of friendship because of my emotional instabilities. Every relationship I've had has ended in less than a week, people either get sick of me, or I go on a self destructive binge and methodically dismantle everything that's going well in my life. There is no in-between. Except her. That's how I justify feeling like this to myself. But I've been very aware that we weren't going to be a thing, from the very start.
I don't have anyone left to talk to. I can't go on like this
|
self.offmychest
|
Saw a few poems and was inspired to write my own. [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
I still think about a girl 13 years later. I feel dumb. Throwaway, of course.
First of all, it took me forever to finally feel like I could express this. It's something no one knows about me. Probably, least of all, the person in question. So keep in mind, I feel fairly vulnerable while I write this. I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice, similar stories, support, or what. I just need to express this.
Several years ago, in college, I met a girl who I thought was everything I was looking for. She had a razor sharp wit, to me she was gorgeous, she was eloquent; a real out of the box thinker. She liked the same things as me. It seemed perfect.
I did exactly what any of us would do in this situation. Absolutely nothing. We spent some great time together, but in the beginning, I'm not sure why, but I didn't really express a lot of interest in her even though I was crazy about her. I think that really put her off.
I think I made it pretty clear how I felt about her, but I didn't want to be able to stop seeing her completely. I got back that she maybe kinda liked me. Maybe it was only as a friend. We went shopping, hung out, watched television, went to live music and concerts, and all I wanted to do was hold her hand. I just wanted to be around her.
Then, after that few months of being around her, she moved. After the move she let me know pretty straight up she had no interest in me whatsoever. I was never sure of the purpose of this. It wasn't like I was going to continue to pursue her anyway.
I have no reason to keep thinking of her. I have an awesome family, a fantastic life. I can't get her out of my thoughts at times though.
Thanks for listening.
|
self.offmychest
|
Do you get intrusive thoughts from the past that hurt? Do you ever just try to get things done but find it difficult because intrusive thoughts keep popping up in your head?
Whenever these thoughts come, I literally feel pain. It feels like my brain whipping itself.
For instance, 3 years ago I was vacationing in Cuba with my friend. I started talking to this cute girl and we even held hands and she said "I think I like you."
But I'm shy and I over-analyze everything and I just fucking ruined everything that night when I could have had sex with her.
I forgot about this and I remembered about it today and I'm just so pissed off at myself. And it hurts to think about it.
|
self.depression
|
I may have asked this before, but are there any musicians here? I'm just wondering if there are other BP folks out there who share this interest. While I'm really passionate about playing and learning instruments these days, I feel as though I could barely call myself a musician with the lack of experience I have. That said, it'd be cool to find some other like-minded people.
|
self.bipolar
|
why do i always end up talking about it? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Always put yourself first! Hi! I had [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/73nmin/anybody_living_with_people_that_also_have/) earlier on this sub about my flatmate situation. I have bipolar 2, and was living with a friend that has borderline personality disorder. Two weeks ago, after **lots** of passive aggressiveness, mind games, blatant lies and gaslighting from their end, I packed up and moved out. This was by far the best decision I have taken in quite some time.
I've moved in with an apparently 'neurotypical' friend, who knows about my mental health struggle. They aren't going to be around very often because they travel a lot for work, so this apartment is almost as good as my own. At first, I had the strongest anxiety spikes I've had all year. I was worried that my relationship with the new flatmate would also eventually head south. My routine was slightly disrupted from the move, and being in an unfamiliar place left me very uncomfortable.
However, I'm now two weeks in and I feel amazing. I'm more in control of my moods and behaviour. My sleep cycle is better than ever, my appetite and diet are healthy, and I can give in more towards work. I've been putting in more time towards my hobbies and even found the time and energy to pick up a new one along the way. Meanwhile, my new flatmate has been a complete angel: extremely sympathetic and accomodating. They've left no stone unturned to make me feel like I'm at home, and even insisted that I start treating the apartment as mine. I then eventually got settled in and chalked up a new routine that I've managed to stick to so far.
I owe a lot of my current peace of mind to this subreddit and the lovely people on here. Your feedback on my post was what made me up and leave from a toxic living scenario. For anybody else reading this who might be in a similar situation, please put yourself first and take care of yourself. You deserve every bit of it. With time, good people, and a little bit of luck, you will be better in no time!
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self.bipolar
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I'm throwing myself a pity party. Don't notice me please. [deleted]
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self.depression
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What do you do when depressed? What do you guys do to either help yourself climb out of the depressive episode or as a way to cope when depressed? I am an emotional eater and just sit around eating and watching tv. Not a healthy way to cope, but in the lowest of lows it's all I can do. What do you guys do?
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self.depression
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I'm bored, a little tipsy and very anxious My fiancé and I just had a bad argument and he hasn't responded in the past 3 hours. I'm going to try to not pester him, but when my anxiety kicks in I have trouble letting things be. I wish I didn't have a morning class tomorrow or I'd find something to occupy my mind. I should be sleeping. I can't. I've taken my meds but it's not working. I must sound like a whipped idiot.
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self.Anxiety
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I've been depressed my entire life and don't know what I'll do with it [deleted]
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self.depression
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URGENT: I may be kicked out of college for my mental health and need advice please!!! I'm fucking freaking out right now, somehow the upper level officials at my college found out about how bad my depression is and I am at risk of having to take leave from school, which I DON'T want to happen. Any advice please please please. Thank you.
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self.depression
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Feel like killing myself for 2days straight; not sure what to do. I have had these thoughts in the past; but they normally dont last this long...
I took a bunch of Ativan and Hydros and drank a little last night... it felt better while it lasted; but i ended up passing out and waking up at a truck stop feeling the exact same way...
Im scared to go to the hospital because my second semester of classes is starting next week and i dont want to run the risk of being placed in an inpatient clinic while classes start.
Idk why i feel this way, and i dont know why the feeling is so strong.
Can someone help?
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm going to run away and kill myself in the next two weeks... There's a lot of shit going on in my life right now. Most of it is permanently ruining my life. I've been on and off suicidal for a while, and I've been self harming and taking drugs/drinking. I'm only 14 but I've been through a lot and I'm tired of everything. The worst of it all has happened, and now I have no family to talk to, no family that loves me, I can't see my friends anymore, so I have no one. I've lost my phone and all my freedom to hang out so I have nothing going for me. I also fucked up everything for myself and the people around me. I feel like I have no more chances, and even if I did, I would have to live in this shitty way for another 5 years. I can't take it anymore. I know it doesn't seem like much, but it's really complicated. I'm sorry for wasting your time, but please don't comment saying that I'm being a bitch or what not. I'm running away from home in a few days to the city, I'm going to spend my last days with homeless people, doing drugs and getting drunk, and then I'm going to kill myself by slitting my wrists, overdosing, starving, or just jumping off a cliff. I've written a runaway/suicide note already.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I dont know how to cope anymore Long story short, my best friend of 10 years who in the last 2 turned into my bf, ghosted me out of the blue 2 months ago . He wouldn't respond to any messages just ceased all contact. He is also out of state I'm in ny and he is in Seattle WA.
I am currently seeing 2 therapists and am on a myriad of medications for depression but I can't stop crying or wanting to do anything. I barely do my homework and I pretty much only leave my home for work.
I don't know what else to do. If I wasn't such a coward I'd probably have taken one too many pills already. I feel I have nothing to continue on for and I don't think I can take the holidays this year.
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self.depression
|
I can't seem to be happy with my current life - only the future So I was diagnosed with mood swings/mild depression quite a while ago, and have been on a small dose of Fluoxetine (Prozac) most of my life now.
Based on looking at objective measures, I should be feeling pretty content right now, but I can't seem to be happy about it, and only about the things that I hope I'll work towards in the future.
I guess for example - I've lost a little over 30 pounds since February, the first significant time I've actually lost weight, and I'm now no longer medically obese... but I still just feel fat and haven't been able to feel anything good about the weight I've actually lost.
I have a great job, and am just about to finish paying off all my loans, but I don't feel any accomplishment in that either. I keep thinking maybe I'll feel good when I have enough to put down a down-payment on a house, but I doubt that will be the case.
I have a bunch of great friends, but I'm tired of being single again. I know that I should just focus on the good things right now, but it's not seeming to be any consolation.
My faith life has been doing pretty good recently too, especially compared to the past, but I still feel like a shitty person a lot.
I dunno, I know that so many other people are having a rough time and I should be happy with how things are going, but I'm just down right now.
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self.depression
|
I can't handle the relationship I have with my family VERY LONG VENT ABOUT ABUSE
My relationship with my family is long and worn out. Both my parents were abusive my whole life physically and emotionally. Me and 2 of my sisters were diagnosed with PTSD because of it and how severe it was. I have BPD and depression which I definitely think r related to that. Me and my sisters lived with our dad since we were taken away from my mom when I was 13. He has a wife and kids with her. My parents are really manipulative and cruel and mean. We have good moments but it's usually bad. My dad is still physically abusive and it's very hard to watch. I've jumped in the middle to stop him numerous times and he acts borderline psychopathic and threatens to hurt me and screams and acts threatening. When I was close to turning 18 he threatened to lock me in the basement and put bars on the windows and keep me from moving out and he threatened to somehow "drug me and force me to enlist in the army and ship me off, threatened to find my boyfriend at the time and beat and kill him with a baseball bat and then broke my laptop and cell phone (smashed the laptop on the ground and smashed the phone with the hammer" so I couldn't contact anyone. And this was all on the same day within at least an hour. And this is just one instance of millions showing how crazy he is. Recently our relationship had become a lot more stable since I moved away and I thought things were improving. And then I got arrested. And let me explain- I had gotten a traffic ticket in September. I went and signed some papers on my court date that said I was going to pay within 30 days in leu of appearance. And then over the course of the weeks I had gotten my hours cut, my landlord was threatening to kick me out and then I got fired. And the stress of all that and trying to find a new job and a new home distracted me from paying the ticket and eventually it was pushed to the back of my mind. And since I didn't pay it I had a bench warrant for my arrest. On a trip to my old house to bring the last of the things to my new apartment I accidentally left my high beams on in the highway to the house because it was like 1 am. And a cop passed me by and pulled me over. And then arrested me for the warrant and I spent the night in jail. And tbh the whole experience was terrifying and really put a lot into perspective for me. And when I got out I found out that my parents already heard and are upset so I called them. And my dad spent the next hour on the phone threatening to come and get me and force me to come with him, telling me that I was an idiot and stupid and a piece of shut and that I am lazy and irresponsible and he should've never let me Move away and basically spent that time bashing me up and down. And that he should've left me to live with my equally abusive mother because maybe I would've turned out better.
I just don't know what to do anymore. Every interaction with my family makes me so scared and anxious and depressed. I'm broke and life's hard for me but I also have a lot of good things that are going for me. But he acts like I'm worthless and that at 19 I should be perfect and never make mistakes.
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self.offmychest
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I'm really, really glad I didn't kill myself. I didn't think I'd ever hit a moment like this. The famous landmark of "it got better."
3 weeks ago, I was scratching my arms in self-hatred, frustration, and an overwhelming feeling of being cornered and lacking self-control or common sense anymore. I couldn't understand how somebody I loved deeply hated me so much, to the point he'd berate me for hours at how much pain I caused him, and how I was a manipulative, sadistic psychopath. I couldn't comprehend why somebody who said and thought such horrible things about me would still get upset when I distanced and would accuse me of abandoning him. Life didn't make sense. And that was just the tail end of it.
Just a few short months ago, I spent my afternoons at work contemplating how difficult it would be to walk into the mountains and get lost forever. Or how long it would take me to afford a gun for my life. Or what would happen to my dog if I just noped out of life.
He spent years subtly criticizing me, and getting upset when I'd take offense to his criticisms. He was reluctant to say nice things because he didn't want to kiss my ass, and that I should have enough self-esteem to not need him for validation. Fuck, he didn't even want to be affectionate by the end, because it felt insincere and "hugs don't solve problems." The two things I needed most for validation, to feel secure in a relationship, he often refused to provide. While constantly telling me what I needed to fix about myself in order to make the relationship work. And I *hadn't* made it work yet because I clearly didn't love him enough to find a way.
I hated myself. I never hated him. Still don't. But I believed all his shit. When one person needs to always be right, and the other one is open-minded to being wrong, after a while, the latter will always end up wrong.
I had faith in him, that he was telling me the truth and that it was on me to fix our shit. And I just couldn't. I tried so fucking hard, for years. To the point I self-harmed and contemplated suicide and lost weight and had crying fits at my breaking point (though those were all seen as manipulation tactics.)
I was so, so close to being ready for death. For giving up. For not having vile bitterness and unfiltered rage directed at me anymore. I still remember one time he wouldn't stop criticizing me for fucking up, and I started to slam my head against the marble fireplace. Just to make the angry sounds stop. Just to have silence and peace for a bit. I became the crazy one.
I know, deep down, he's this scared and hurt guy. Who lets his intimidating defensive persona protect him from perceived threats. But I can't comfort a hurt child if there's a giant fucking wolf growling at me between us. So I'm giving up, and I've made peace. I hope he finds peace and somebody who can love him easily, consistently, unconditionally, and without getting her feelings hurt. I've flourished in the few short weeks I've been alone, and I'm feeling better. Maybe a little sad and lonely now and then, but not remorseful of where I am. No more "what could have been."
"What could have been" could have been even worse. Far worse. So now I'm content to go live my life. Enjoying casual, silly dates with sweet guys, not needing anything from anybody else, and taking care of my life.
And it's *my* life now.
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self.offmychest
|
How is it fair that ANYONE is allowed to raise children? I've been sucidal since 15 years old. I was separated from my dad when I was 10 and was too scared to say I wanted him to be a part of my life. I was profoundly emotionally abused and neglected by my narcissistic mother and will probably have to go through years of therapy for it. My mother raised me as an object, just the second child or 次男. At 21 years old I referred to myself in third person because of her brainwashing. Why not just end it all? Suicide is my destiny. Those are some thoughts that go through my mind every single day. It's just so much easier to suicide. My past is too painful to bare. I wish I had a different mom. I wish I had gone to see my dad when I was younger, that's what my heart was telling me to do at the time. But I was too scared. I wish I had a mom that loved me. I was constantly called stupid and lazy. She once told me, "I don't give a single fuck if you end up a loser or homeless." Well saying that to your child, no fucking shit I'd end up this way. I'm sorry for being born. I'm sorry for existing. I never asked to be brought into this world and now I'm forced to live. I think about suicide every day. Thank you for reading.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel like i was depressed, though i think i am not [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Who the hell gifts a half-eaten can of nuts? [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I want to cut ties with my friends at school [deleted]
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self.depression
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I probably should kill myself I'm having a hard time right now and I'm suffering alone. None of my family or friends know I'm depressed and suicidal. And this thing is affecting my studies and life before. But now it's making my life worse.
My uni has expelled me (long story, too tired to talk about) and I explained my situation and my mental health but they simply won't listen and understand.
I'm getting older and looking for a proper job to pay my bills but not many company would hire someone without a degree.
I'm just so tired with everything that I feel death is the only way out. And I feel very sorry to everyone in my life. I see the signs everywhere for me to kill myself. Maybe this time I should go through with it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why is my mind usually blank I'm still able to do daily tasks but my minds all ways blank when I do them when I do think it's usually a long thought about deppressing stuff or it's quick thoughts. Sometimes I get the urge to choke myself with my hands and one time I scratched myself very hard and the next day a scab formed where I scratched. I don't feel depressed except when I have long thoughts but I know when your depressed you sometimes don't feel anything.
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self.depression
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I can’t stand that he gets I have the life I want but can’t have It was a month before my 19th birthday. A casual hookup, the second time I’d seen the guy, turned into a rape when he ignored my screams for him to stop while he held me down and sodomized me. He permanently damaged my neck by trying to muffle my screams by shoving my head into the mattress. I ended up in a relationship shortly after that became abusive- emotionally, physically, and sexually- which through lots of therapy I have realized that I would have never been in in the first place had I not been raped and felt broken and worthless. Then I had a 6 year long relationship that was horrifically emotionally, mentally, financially, and sexually abusive, and have realized through retrospect and therapy that my ability to perceive and identify red flags was very badly damaged by my rapes and abuse. More and more I’ve discovered information and statistics about revictimization, and while it all makes sense and has helped me cope with the self-blame, it has also added to my anger over that first rape.
My anger has been so much more active lately. Partially with all the news about assault in the media lately, but just with how this is still effecting my life 10 years later. Every facet of my life, from family to finances, is effected by this. I want to have my own family. My career has to do with kids. My passion is working with kids. I want desperately to have my own kids. My career makes me happy, but I think that if I didn’t have my own children there would be a huge hole in my life. But how can I have kids if I can’t have a relationship? I don’t aim to be a single mom, and the fact that I have chosen a career in education means that I don’t get paid nearly enough and that I need to have a partner to help me, especially since all my family are far away. And financially I couldn’t do it, partially from my choice of career, but partially the financial fallout, whether it be the costs of treating my neck or PTSD or be it the lingering financial devastation of leaving my latest abusive relationship. I’ve been in pretty intensive therapy for over a year now, trying to get myself right enough that I can try to have that healthy relationship, but progress is slow and I’m not getting younger. I’m scared that it will never happen at all.
Recently I found out that my rapist is married now with a baby boy. I’ve seen his wedding pictures. I’ve seen him on vacation with his pregnant wife. I’ve seen him smiling, cutting the cord of his newborn baby. I know his sons name. He posted pictures of himself from the Navy, back from when I knew him, looking exactly the way he did when he raped me, and it made my stomach turn. I’ve stared at a photo of the two of them holding hands, with him smiling through his stupid fucking goatee, and thought “I want to burn his whole life down.”
This man who sodomized, raped, injured, and fucked with my head with his lying, he gets to have the marriage and the baby. And here I am, spending thousands of dollars and stretching my budget paper thin to afford all my therapies, living in constant pain from my injury, unable to maintain a healthy relationship. The way things are going for me now, I’ll probably die single and childless. I know that lots of rape victims go on to marry and have kids, but there are still lots of us who go on to end up alone. And then I go on to feel guilty for “letting” it effect me so much, and hopeless for knowing that it’s physically effected my brain chemistry. It’s unfair enough that he’s never going to see justice for what he did to me and I will always have to pay for it, both literally and figuratively, but now it’s like he literally stole my life from me. I’ve always thought that the distance I put between us when I moved away was to keep me safe from him, but now I feel like it might be a little bit for his safety too, because a big part of me wants to burn his house down. I want to message his wife and somehow magically make her believe me so she can take her kid and leave this asshole. I want to watch his world crumble around him. I know that justice will never happen, so I want revenge.
At the end of the day, I know I won’t ever have the justice I need. I will keep throwing my life into my work and try to make my life have its own meaning without a family of my own probably, and continue to pay in managing my conditions. He will have his life and his family and his thousands of thanks for his service. That’s just the way things worked out for me. He got the happy ending, I didn’t.
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self.offmychest
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Just here to get my thoughts down I'm here to try to organise my thoughts. I have a long history of mental health problems and I'm essentially suicidal now, I think it could be useful for myself to try to identify the chains of causes and effects that led to my situation, so that's what I'm doing here. I think this might just be a pure exercise in self pity so I don't expect feedback (but any would be much appreciated regardless)
Some background, I'm a 21 year old male currently struggling to complete my second year of university despite living with my mum. My mental health issues have ranged from severe anxiety to total emotional numbing.
My memory of my childhood from age 0-10 is mostly positive, I don't think I had any mental health problems then, though have always been quite a sensitive kid. My home life wasn't too stable, there were regular screaming fights between my parents that my sister and I were subject to night after night. These eventually culminated in quite a messy divorce when I was about 8 and for the first year following that I didn't see my dad, after that I started to see him every other weekend.
(Age 11/12) I think the divorce led to me losing a lot of respect for my mum (undeservedly so) I remember feeling like my family was a shambles. I enjoyed school and had a lot of friends but like any kid hated actually going, so decided to start missing my coach in the mornings and ended up missing vast swathes of my first year of secondary school. My mum's new boyfriend moved in with us around this time. He is a really lovely guy but at the time I was young and quite angry with my parents, and though we got on well his presence only made me angrier, so I eventually decided to leave my mum and sister and move in with my dad.
(Age 12/13) I started out living with him and my grandparents in their flat, I was a naughty kid and now an established truant, they were a 2 hour commute away from my school so inevitably I started missing a lot of school again often in quite a disruptive manner e.g. by locking myself in the bathroom until the coach had left, or pretending that the train to my coach didn't arrive.
Me and my dad moved to another flat and this is when things started to get really bad, and where I think my first triggers to serious mental illness were forged. I developed a horrible rash that I have to this day. Essentially when I don't sweat for a prolonged period of time, and then get hot, I get a truly hellish burning pain all across my back, upper chest and arms, like the inside of my skin is getting doused in acid. It gets even worse when I touch my skin but goes away as soon as I start to sweat.
Our flat was shoddy, there was mould growing on my wall and I was pretty miserable, I started playing truant again, and this time my dad got mad. Every morning there were screaming matches, unfortunately these aggravated my rash and I was subject to the most awful pain every morning. My dad used to grab me and pull me making the rash (which he knew about) far worse. I used to sob hysterically every day but got zero empathy from him. I was briefly suicidal and he told me to stop being pathetic and weak, and hit me on quite a few occasions.
On the days I actually made it to school I had a Coke for dinner and then went to sleep (he got back late from work). My nutrition was awful. I told my dad I was going to write a letter to my grandparents explaining my situation but he told me that they'd think I was crazy. I never cut my hair and refused to wash it in some sort of absurd protest, I think this led to some insecurity in later life cause I got teased for it quite badly at school (though this gives the wrong impression of my school life, I'll get into that later). I also got mugged twice, once at knifepoint at around this time.
(Age 13/14/15) I moved to a nicer flat, still living with my dad, I think due to my stubborn nature I didn't want to accept defeat and move back in with my mum. Around this time I developed a horrid cyst on my bottom which meant that I was in pain every time I sat down, this lasted a year before becoming dormant, I sought no medical help. My truancy rose again, but my dad had stopped the morning aggression at this point.
School life was always good, I was a bit of a class clown, had a lot of friends. I remember occasionally having lessons without any friends in them and feeling a bit bullied, but overall I was happy. At this point I would say I had some mild anxiety.
(Age 15/16) I moved in with my mum (new flat) by this age I was very angry at home, and there was a total disconnect between my behaviour at school and my behaviour at home. I recognise quite weird patterns of behaviour now, which I was aware of at the time but far too embarrassed to ever directly confront. E.g. I used to put on a baby voice whenever communicating with my family in any non-confrontational manner.
Anyways I behaved horridly during this period, I used to shout at my mum all the time, and bully her and my sister. I was a nasty person. I developed extreme social anxiety around this point, it affected all my interactions except those with close friends and my family. Still managed to fake my way through it and stayed reasonably popular at school (was grooming too at this point, which helped).
(Age 16/17/18) Still a truant I was missing more and more school, I missed around half of both my GCSE year and my AS year (third and second last years of school). Me and my sister moved in with my dad. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as it was when I was 13 but I was an extremely angry kid still. I managed to do well in all my exams through self education, I actually missed the whole of my last year of school, but got into my second choice university. By this point I'd patched up my relationship with my mum and sister, and would say I had a great connection with both.
University:
I went to university, social anxiety still very bad, (this is getting crazy long so I'll skip forward a few years) essentially I made friends and had a lot of fun but deferred twice because I was seriously struggling with anxiety too. I eventually decide to take an SSRI (February 2016) as I was fed up. I take it and struggle on it for a month, I try to contact the doctors but they're always busy so I cold turkey off it (March 2016).
Around one week after stopping it feels like everything in my brain has totally shut down, I am totally emotionally numb, I can barely think or imagine and I have total sexual dysfunction.
I should mention at this point that throughout everything else I always had a rich inner life. I had a great imagination and spent a lot of time daydreaming. I loved reading and could immerse myself in other worlds with ease. I couldn't live without music. Strong and deep friendships and relationships. All in all I think I felt both the highs and lows of life very deeply.
Everything changed after coming off the SSRI. My inner world shut down, and remains shut down to this day. I had a beautiful girlfriend who I eventually split up with due to complete emotional detachment. I really feel I have lost everything. I've seen two psychologists who got me into a great routine (exercise, diet etc.). A psychiatrist who confirmed that SSRIs can occasionally cause this type of total numbing, but offered no solutions outside taking other pills. My experience now makes everything I've been through in the past look like a piece of cake.
So yeah, that's my story, sorry if it became disjointed towards the end. It's been 19 months since coming off the SSRI and my issue remains the same. Anxiety doesn't bother me anymore, it's just this total emotional numbing. At this point I'm close to suicide. I'm not willing to try any other pills in case they take my self awareness, which is all I really have left. I don't know what to do anymore. Doesn't seem like I'm ever going to recover my emotions (there are tens of thousands of sufferers of Post SSRI syndrome online (PSSD), and the prognosis is dire, very few people recovering), let alone from mental illness, I feel like I had so much potential and it's all gone to waste.
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self.depression
|
I can't stop every interaction I have with everyone **Edit: Title should say replaying every interaction I have with everyone**
I can't emphasize how frequent it is. It's not the typical laying in bed at night and replaying events in your head and getting upset. It's like every second of the day I think about a normal conversation I've had with someone and I start wondering if I said the wrong things or I sounded stupid or maybe talked to much about myself or didn't listen properly and how I should have said something else. Over and over. Like I'll be walking and the thoughts will just come back while I'm doing something and then I feel like crumbling down.
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self.Anxiety
|
I have an infection I have a fungal nail infection on my hands - 3 on my left hand and all of my fingers on the right. I am a school boy and some of my peers realised my condition and now time is tough. I am in the process of curing them but the process is taking so long I can't take. I need help isn't there a fast way I am feel so suicidal
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don’t have a life, so why not end it? I’ve done nothing with my life, and probably never will with the attitude I have. It doesn’t feel right for someone as worthless as me to carry on living in this world.
Every day is the same. I wake up sometime in the afternoon, do nothing except take my antidepressants (which I’ve been on for several months with no sign of improvement,) go on the internet and then sleep at 4am. I don’t have a job, and I left school with no qualifications halfway through year 11 (which I think is sophomore year in the US) because I was too weak and pathetic to cope with it.
I want to go back to school to actually try and do something with my life, but I despise being around other people. I don’t even leave the house anymore because other people terrify me. I have no friends but that’s not surprising with my personality and outlook on life. I’m a depressing person, and no one wants to hear that stuff when they have a good life themselves.
When I kill myself I won’t be a liability to anyone anymore. There’s no point to carrying on, in 10 years I’ll still be in the same position if I’m not dead. No one will ever love me, and I’m just another waste of oxygen.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don't think I'll make it to the end of the year Too tired of staying alive, too tired of being like this
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self.depression
|
A light bulb broke I'm a little terrified at the moment. In my bedroom, I recently needed a light bulb change, so I put the old one on my desk. I think I accidentally stepped on it last night, because I discovered it smashed on the floor this afternoon. It was like that for almost seventeen hours, around twelve of which I was right next to it. I wouldn't have been so worried had I not read up about mercury... Sorry, I just need to know I'm not being poisoned. I feel like I can't breathe.
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self.Anxiety
|
Math makes me feel depressed tbh I dont know why but whenever i get all this low scores in my math quizzes, exam and grades i can't help but feel useless, dumb, and a failure.
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self.depression
|
Med question After 2 failed trials of of lamictal (rash both times), my doc is switching me to Trileptal (oxcarbazepine). I tried many SNRIs and SSRIs before my BP diagnosis, but lamictal is the only thing I had tried for BP specifically. Can you guys offer any insight/guesses as to why he might try that vs. a more standard mood stabilizer? I just got the notification by email, so I couldn't ask any questions. It's not a trust thing, just curious. Thanks!
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self.bipolar
|
Giving up I'm really really starting to lose it. I'm high functioning, which basically means I don't show how depressed I am and it's easy for people to assume I'm fine. I'm funny, friendly, I work and go to school (except when I sleep in which is often).
The problem is there are times when the facade is even too much for me. I can convince everyone else I'm fine but deep down I know I am not.
I'm 22 and never got the chance to make friends in uni (was really depressed and had to drop out- lost the chance to make friends and now I'm alone). My little brother just started and it's crazy to see how different our experiences were- I would leave classes asap and come home, was too shy to talk to anyone, and was so depressed. He's making friends easily and meeting people and having a blast. I'm happy for him but I just hate knowing that I'm not normal.
I'm so so lonely. I want friends. I want an so. There's noting wrong with me I just don't really meet anyone and I don't connect with the people I meet. It's hard to make friends in uni classes, and I'm way older than everyone anyways.
I know im young and all that but honestly sometimes I feel like this is going to last forever. I know it is. I've been like this since middle school. I get by....but I'm not really living. I just feel like giving up and ending everything. What's the point?? I think maybe when I graduate and travel things will get better. But I did that when I dropped out and nothing changed.....it's not the place or people you're with, it's you. And I can't run away from myself. I can't run away from the fact that I'm. ..unlovable, unworthy of friendship. I really have no one. I don't know what to do anymore except keep going on like this until I finally do something about it ...but, being too afraid to dissapointing people and potential consequences, I know im not going to kill myself. I'll just live like this forever, lonely and hating myself
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self.depression
|
Hypomania, being unmotivated and getting depressed. I am currently on seroquel, i like it but i dont like the weight gain and the dizziness effect when i take it. Also i am so unmotivated for the last few years. I am going to the psychiatrist and have it change.
I’m currently having hypomania and depression lately. I don’t usually get this “triggers” anymore. Do you guys think the seroquel is not working anymore?
I am so confused lately... im not so used on having feelings, i have been so numbed so many years and lost connections with people. I do feel sad sometimes because I know im not the same person anymore. I am so kinda scared to be in a relationship because of having bipolar. No one really gets it.
I am just overwhelmed with emotions right now. I am so sorry and don’t know what to do. I am currently both in therapy and medications but still manages to feel depressed.
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self.bipolar
|
I just want to end it but I’m too exhausted to get my affairs in order [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’ve never had a relationship and I’m never going to. That’s all. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Fuck, I had appendix surgery yesterday and I had iodine, 2 mg ativan, 150 mg seroquel, 1000 mg tylenol, and I had anesthesia to keep me out for the surgery. I feel a little tired but can’t lay down from the stomach pain. Is this an overdose? Please help me figure out if this is!
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self.bipolar
|
hating myself for the things i love to do [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Been on this med for 15+ yrs for sleep At one time I was taking 600mg+ a night at one point in my life, now I'm down to 200mg and looking to get off it completely. Over that time I've gained over 100lbs from always being 175. No energy is not helping either.
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self.bipolar
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