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Starting lithium, what should I expect Hey y'all, so I'm fairly new here but I was wondering if y'all have any advice for starting lithium? I am a 19 yo college student, in Greek life, working as a resident advisor. I'm adding it to my saphris and I'm going to hope it levels me out but what are some side effects y'all had when starting?
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self.bipolar
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New job anxiety I recently got a call to say I have been offered a new job in London (bit of a dream) I have accepted the job, however I am now getting anxiety again! I think it’s probably because it’s something new and will need to get used too, anyone got any tips or help for this?
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self.Anxiety
|
I had a lapse of judgment, drove drunk like an irresponsible asshole and now I can't forgive myself. Ok so. I did something extremely stupid a few weeks ago, I drove drunk and went off the road. Nobody was hurt, I didn't even see another car. I still have my license and given the fact that I made the fucking insane and extremely dangerous choice to get behind the wheel, everything went the best way it possibly could have.
I feel like I dont deserve this outcome. What if I'd killed someone? Given the guilt I feel now if I'd even slightly hurt someone I'd probably have killed myself already. What if I'd lost my license? My life would be ruined and I'd be out of work. I keep playing it over and over in my head and I just can't forgive myself for doing something so irresponsible, dangerous and stupid. I thought I was better than that.
I always considered myself someone who was a responsible drinker, that I'd never do this extremely arrogant, dangerous and just insanely idiotic thing. Yet a particular series of negative events on a night out led me to retreat to my car, originally not with the intention to drive, but as I was sitting in my car the impulse was too strong. I just wanted to get the fuck away. I'd ended up at the wrong party with the wrong people and I needed to get the fuck out of that small town.
The urge to get away was so strong, it overrided my common sense.
An old schoolmate was the first car to come by after I went off the road, and he gave me a lift home. I finally mustered the courage to thank him formally today, albeit through facebook messenger but still, and he told me he regretted helping me and that he should have called the police on me. I don't blame him, hell I probably would have called the police on me. And this made me feel even more like a fucking worthless piece of shit. I feel like such a hypocrite because before this I always looked down on drunk drivers as they were doing something extremely irresponsible, endangering the lives of others and here I am doing it myself. I thought I was above it, all it took was the right series of negative encounters with people that despise me and boom I become a fucking stupid caveman.
I just can't forgive myself, I feel like I didn't deserve to be so lucky, to get away essentially without consequences. I thought I was OK until today, I even felt blissful at work a few days ago, but my schoolmate that helped me saying he regretted helping me put me back down into a dark place and now I feel like a piece of shit again.
I've never felt this bad mentally and I'm really scared I might do something irreversible to myself down the road if I keep spiraling down into these emotion and beating myself up. I'm not quite there yet though so thats why I'm posting here instead of at /r/SuicideWatch.
Thanks for reading this far.
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self.depression
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How physical are your symptoms? I have been noticing more and more, especially with medication that is doing it's job, that my symptoms are very physical long before they become a serious mental issue. When I am anxious, I often vomit and shake before I am at a point where I can't handle the mental aspect of it. When I am depressed, I am very sore and often that is enough to leave me bed ridden. When I am manic my heart races like I'm on coke way before I make a horrible decision. Do any of you experience as strong physical symptoms? Do you think medication plays a role?
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self.bipolar
|
Stay strong, keep trying I’ve posted on here several times regarding questions about medication experiences. I was diagnosed with BP1 in 2003. I was put on Lamictal and Topamax in the middle of a depressive cycle and it caused one of the worst suicidal experiences of my life. I took a 4 month short term disability from Work, but the meds began working. I did well. Until I went off my meds to have a baby. During pregnancy and breastfeeding, I am only assuming the hormones kept me sane, until I attempted to go back to work. It took 3 weeks for me to have a Complete psychotic break. I had intense mania with every manic symptom you can have, I rapid cycled, was hospitalized twice (once against my will), and my marriage fell apart. It took two years to get stable and I was put on disability. Geodon was added to my mix. I was stable for 5 years. Geodon ended up giving me TD and I had to go off it. Thinking I had good stability, I moved from MA to ME, left my Dr of 10 years, left my family and friends, moved in with my boyfriend, and decided to try working full time. In 4 weeks manic symptoms began. In a new area it proved difficult to find a good dr. Things began to snowball as my medications were changed and I began to have mixed episodes. I was taken off topamax, put on other various drugs, including latuda which made me suicidal. I was hospitalized in April. I did an IOP in July and hospitalized again in October. My 9 year d has had trouble with all this but has taken good care of me - which is not his job. My boyfriend has been very supportive even though every time my meds fall apart or I do, I take it out on him. I’ve been on 9 drugs since February. Two weeks ago, I was put on Rexulti. It was added to Lamictal and Topamax. So far the only side effect is waking up during the night and I take lorazepam for that. I feel so much better, like myself. I’m taking it one day at a time. But it’s been almost a year of trying and trying. So what I’m saying is don’t give up. Advocate for yourself. Try every avenue you can. Meds are tricky and the right combo for you can take a long time to sort out. YOU know when things don’t feel right in your body. Don’t be afraid to use your therapist, dr, or the hospital if you need it.
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self.bipolar
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I molested my 8/9 years old cousin when I was 14/15 [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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DAE feel horrible doom and their head "speeding up" when getting too excited about something, texting too fast, or focusing too hard on something? I've never had a seizure but am wondering if this is what it feels like to be about to have one. Whenever I get excited or am talking for a long period of time my head starts pressurizing or "speeding up" and it feels like it's going to explode or I'm going to have a seizure. I don't know how to describe it any further than that. Does anyone else get this? I'm worried about the seizure thing because I never had this until I used alcohol and benzos for a while and am now off of both of them and wondering if I screwed up some balance. Or does this happen with normal anxiety? It's horrible. Can't function and have to stop what I'm doing immediately.
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self.Anxiety
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Just struggling. I feel like all I do is struggle. It doesn't really ever end, does it?
I'm at work trying not to cry. I want to call out tomorrow but I can't because we need the money because I'm the only one working. Money is super tight as it is and my partner is making bullshit excuses to not work. I'm not even asking him to work full time. Just 2 days a week would pay the water bill. Instead, it's all on me.
I'm so upset right now. I'm so stressed out.
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self.bipolar
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Nothing of consequence or worth has happened in my life in the last ten years. The only real differences between then and now are that I have fewer friends and greyer hair.
I don't grow. I just linger.
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self.depression
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Everyone hates me So I was at school today and I had this girl come up to me and she told me everyone at my school hated me. Of course, I thought she was just joking, but she wasn't. She listed out every single reason why people hate me and I just don't even know how to feel. I mean, I hate myself too, but when I hear that a lot of other people share the same feeling, that just fucks me up.
Maybe that's why I have no friends anymore. I mean, my all my friends at school have recently dumped me.
With this on top of my parents divorce, my goddamn relapse with self harm and anorexia, and my failing grades, it just gives me another reason to kill myself. Everyone hates me, I'm fat and ugly, and my parents are too busy to even care.
Suicide isn't stupid. It's the only viable option.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Just need some tips/help how to cope Now i don't like talking/ opening up about my emotional state and I've had depression for a brave while now and recently it has gotten worse and i haven't pin pointed any reasons why except when I'm alone it gets extremely worse and it would bring me tears and i just need a way to express myself and get get better.. i don't know what I'm expecting from this but anything would help even tho my description is has little to no info...
Thanks anyhow
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self.depression
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goodbye I just realized again that things don't get better and this all some bullshit thing we're experiencing and nothing would change if the human race was wiped out
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm worried about my coworker... We work together 1-3 days a week. We probably spend about four hours a week talking together while there aren't any customers or anything immediate to do. Last week she told me about a childhood friend of hers that had killed himself and how glad she was that he was at peace. She also told me that her boyfriend broke up with her after stealing about $400 from her, that she can't afford-- she's barely making it paycheck to paycheck. She's moved back in with her family, including her brother. She told me (confidentially) a month or two ago about her brother beating her up for no reason, with that being why she moved out in the first place.
Then she mentioned that she was considering killing herself. She didn't seem distressed by the idea of death, which worries me even more. I'm not a great judge of people, but she seems at risk. I saw her briefly yesterday when she came in to look at the schedule, but that's it. I want to help her, but I don't really know how besides just letting her vent. What do I do?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Anyone else just want to end their pathetic, worthless life? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel suicidal. I tell myself I can get through this, but I just can’t. I’m tired of feeling like this.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Can medication kill creativity? I started taking Quetiapine (Seroquel) a few months ago and, while I've certainly had less negative thoughts and have been more functional, I feel like I'm no longer as creative as I used to be, something which affects my education as well as what I do with my free time (absolutely nothing). I was wondering if anyone has experienced something similar, and if it's possibly a result of medication?
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self.bipolar
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Not comparing yourself to other people is really difficult in public Like I’m aware that I shouldn’t be doing it, but going to school especially bombarded with thousands of students kinda make it a little difficult not to lol.
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self.depression
|
Need Motivation For College, Any Tips? Help me out. I have a paper (counts as a term project) for a class due and because I found out that I can probably (40:60) pass even if I don't do the paper, I just can't. To begin with, I don't care about the salary I make outside of college or whether or not I even make one outside of college (in this case I'd attempt to off myself). General education requirements are making me angry, specifically because I just want to **program**. That's all I want to do. I'm not completely unmotivated. I want to program things. What are some things you guys do to keep yourself motivated for college, or at least to distract yourself from being unmotivated if that makes sense?
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self.depression
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I just found out people in class noticed my panic attacks. [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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It’s mostly just dumb minuscule things but they keep adding up. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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I just can't see things getting better, just need a last rant before going through Nothing is fun anymore, as in the joys of life has just been sucked out of me. I used enjoy making digital drawings for example, but now that is no longer fun which hurts me greatly. Music, something that usually uplifts me, does nothing now. Life just has this constant grey hue. My motivation to do anything is rock bottom. I lost my job a two months ago because I just couldn't get out of bed. Things are just gloomy and depressing. One fatal mistake I made was my first post on this account. Made me extremely insecure about my voice to the point I'd sometimes go out my way not to talk to people. I mentally can't relax when talking as I can't help but get irrationally annoyed hearing my voice. My friends have become really distant and don't really blame them. My mental health has deteriorated. My dreams, or nightmares, has made sleeping a thing I try to avoid. Its weird, I keep seeing this lady and its getting really really creepy. It's such a shame as sleeping used to be my only comfort. I can't really live anymore, I've become a recluse. Especially since becoming unemployed. All of this has just made my dad hate me more. He's always been vocal on how much he is ashamed of me as he spent so much money on me. Don't blame him, I've just been a big disappointment, for nothing as well. The only person that seemed to care me was my uncle. But, he died two weeks ago, kinda the last straw for me. Maybe I could've kept on trotting along being a pathetic loser. But, the only person that cares about me now gone and only thing I have left is living this life riddled with insecurity after insecurity eating at my mental health, hobbies now devoid of pleasure, resentful family, no real friends anymore, long pointless days due to no job, constant sleep deprivation. Nah, I'm done. Maybe something better awaits me on the other end. Has to be better than this.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I try to make new friends and talk more but im soooo terrible at it i got a lot of social skills to catch up on and much networking to do, it has only hit me now how lonely life can be and much i could be missing out on so now i really need to start trying :P
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self.offmychest
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i’m having a panic attack because i might get jumped [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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I love you all. I can't say that we'll be saved. I'm constantly preparing myself for my inevitable death. But I know that I'm not the only one feeling helpless. No matter where you are... I love y'all. Stay strong. And if we can't survive, I'll see you all on the other side...
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self.SuicideWatch
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Today I've watched one of my best friends get married. I think it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen, 150 people sobbing while they were saying their vows, a beautiful history of 7 years together, and a newborn baby. I've recently ended things with my 4 years GF, whom I thought I was going to marry, and I can say one thing, I don't thing I've ever wanted something so bad, as I wanted a wedding like that.
They're my friends, and I'm so happy for them, a wonderful couple, with a beautiful story of overcoming, but I'm deeply sad for me, and how far away I am from these things (marriage, kids, etc).
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self.offmychest
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I'm tired I can't be myself because I'm scared that when people see who I am they will lose interest with me. I'm completely fake. And it almost feels like the self that I truly am isn't even there anymore. I feel lost within my own thoughts and I get drunk to forget. I don't want sympathy or guidance, I just wanted to say what I feel to anyone.
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self.offmychest
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I don't know what to do anymore. Sorry if this is ranty but I really want to get this off my chest. I feel trapped, numb, and let down by everything all the time. I'm not even 15-years-old yet but I think I'm done with life at this point. Literally since the very first day of kindergarten I've had a garbage time at school. It's either because of my messing up at some subject despite doing well in other or other students bullying me. I'm tired of being lonely and never having anyone to talk to, I'm tired of being anxious since grade 1 and severely depressed since grade 5, I'm tired of being so mediocre, I'm tired of being awkward and a laughing stock because of it, I'm tired of my younger siblings who hate me and my mother who sees me as some basement dwelling failure, I'm tired of my dad being a loving teddy bear sometimes and Satan the next, I'm tired of waking up at 6:30, wandering over to school where I'll be alone and bored until I wander home and work on whatever, I'm tired of the fact I'll have to work until I'm 70 and by then I'll just have heart disease and Alzheimer's, I'm tired of the fact I haven't been hugged in over 8 years, I'm tired of just lying in my fucking bed either fantasizing a better life or just lying there dead as a rock. I don't even cry anymore, I just laugh at how stupid it is that I couldn't even have an innocent childhood because my dickhead cousin showed me porn and gore to give me nightmares when I was only 3-years-old. I don't want to sound whiney or anything, I just want to get this off my chest. I don't have anyone to talk to and I never have.
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self.depression
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Today, a client left a 5$ tip for me. How nice! [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I need an ESA letter but i haven't been to see a therapist in 12 years The title explains it all. I was diagnosed with bipolar II and ADHD about ~12 years ago when I was a teenager, but I didn't take the diagnosis very well (I didn't understand it, basically) and quit taking my meds/going to therapy altogether. I've since learned how to manage my disorder through self-help techniques, like a strict diet and lots of exercise, but I'm currently on the cusp of having a major episode after enduring extensive stress–I don't know how I'm still getting up in the mornings, but I have been battling homelessness, working 40/hrs a week and living in an extremely stressful environment with abusive roommates. My not-landlord won't even accept my rent money because the other tenants hate me for seemingly no reason and he just told me to get out in a month. And luckily I found an apartment in that time frame, except they have a no pets policy and the only thing keeping me sane lately is this kitten I recently rescued. I feel completely alone in the face of all this hardship but he's always there when I come home and the thought of getting rid of him has caused me a lot of anxiety.
Someone suggested I simply register him as a ESA since I'm technically bipolar.. but I haven't been to the therapist in years? My first question was would they have to "re-diagnose" me, or would my previous diagnosis still be on record? And would I have to attend therapy sessions routinely, or would one visit be enough to get a prescription for a ESA? I don't know how any of this works but I would greatly appreciate the time if anybody here can explain this to me – I don't want to lose my son!
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self.bipolar
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I'm writing my suicide note I've finally decided to write my suicide note to put my thoughts into words so that when my family finds my body they'll know why I killed myself. I won't kill myself until my dog dies because I don't want to leave her behind. She's all I'm living for right now, but she's old and when she dies I'll be able to kill my self. I'll never have live with my ugly worthless self ever again. All the hate and fear will be gone and I can be free. The time is almost near. At last.
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self.offmychest
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Travel anxiety So i have a lot of general anxiety, but my main trigger other than change is probably travelling. I get very travel sick. Not so much with cars anymore (not that ive gone beyond a 5 mile journey) and im not awful with trains. Buses however are my kryptonite. Even getting on them my head starts to hurt, stomach cramps, throat goes tight and i just wanna vom. Now i try to walk most places, but monday i wont have a choice. I have a job trial, doing a job i would love to go back into. (Working with sen kids at a school). I'm not guaranteed the job, but i think i have a good chance. If that happens, i will be catching the bus every day. Till july. Its not a short journey (30 to 40 mins). Taxi is not an option. Train is not an option. My head is already telling me to sabotage it so i dont get the job, but who knows when another opportunity will come up. Have you guys got any experience with this or advice? I will probably take travel sickness tablets Monday, try get a seat where i can see out the front window etc. I dont know the area im going to, so closing my eyes is out of the question
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self.Anxiety
|
How to convince a person showing bipolar traits to sick help? I think my husband might be bipolar. It runs in the family and both his dad and sister are diagnosed. His mood swings are damaging to our marriage to the point where I’m ready to leave him. I have asked him to sick help but he won’t actually go and it getting worst and he becomes mentally abusif on bad days and I can’t take it anymore.
How do I convince him to sick help? Please help 😔
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self.bipolar
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I come out of counselling with a headache as if my brain has been stretched, had a massive workout. Counsellor believes we're making progress, I still think I am talking absolute rubbish. 😫
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self.depression
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Anyone else trying to write a memoir? This shit is hard.
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self.bipolar
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I'm not having children. I refuse to force an innocent being into this world. I don't want my child to possibly experience emotional or mental instability/pain, be negatively affected by the actions of others, go through some natural disaster, sickness, feel fear, fear death or get hurt in any way. The fact that anything can happen at any moment unexpectedly is messed up to me. I refuse to take that risk. Right now, I'm being tormented by my religious beliefs and the possibility that the government is doing things that can lead to us being hurt or killed. It's really messed up. I wouldn't even want my child to go through the stress of learning everything they need to learn to survive in this world. Not knowing the truth about this life is tormenting to me. The fact that I can't even protect my child in every situation hurts me. I just refuse to force another innocent being into this life.
This is not even about me really. I have to say that I'm blessed. I can't complain too much; things could be worse. My views mostly stem from hearing about and seeing how other peoples lives turn out and what they go through. It's truly sad.
I'd rather take in a kid that's already here that needs a parent than force other kid into this world.
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self.offmychest
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Hallucinations getting worse I've had hallucinations for years, but never like this. I used to be able to blink, rub my eyes, or just will them out of existence. Now I cannot get them to go away. I don't even know if they're not real until I reach out to touch them and I feel nothing. Or it's a hallucination of my dog and I realize he's sitting right next to me. This can't be real life. I've never experienced them so vividly before. It's like they're actually there, but not. It used to be shadow people, bugs in my peripherals. Now it's a man in a jumpsuit, straddling me in my bed. Spiders that won't get off my skin no matter how hard I scratch. This can't be real. My doctor said this isn't how hallucinations are. He said they aren't ever this real. Has anyone experienced this before? Something so real that it makes you question if you're dreaming? In a coma? Dead? What's going on?
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self.bipolar
|
I wish I understood neurotypicals more I'm an Aspie and I've been trying to understand neurotypicals for most of my life. I just can't understand how they seem to function so well in society, the complex social cues they pick up on and use and why a lot of them discriminate against others they perceive as "different".
For the record, I'm well aware that not all neurotypicals are like this. I know quite a few neurotypicals who don't know how to function properly in society, sometimes struggle to pick up on social cues and don't patronise or discriminate non-neurotypicals for being different from the norm. In this post, I'm referring to the neurotypicals who do engage in the type of behaviour I mentioned before.
I was diagnosed with Aspergers at the age of 4 and ever since then, my parents have tried to help me live a normal life. It's hard for me to deal with sudden changes in my life; everything I do has to be in a certain routine and if I mess it up then that ruins my whole day. I'm actually kind of envious of neurotypicals for being able to deal with most sudden changes in their life and for not having to make everything they do in a certain routine. I really want to know how they're able to deal with these changes so that I myself can learn how to deal with sudden change.
I also have trouble making friends, mostly due to my inability to pick up on social cues. Every time I talk to someone, I have to walk on eggshells and constantly think about everything I say and do next, which really stresses me out. I just can't understand how neurotypicals are able to pick up on these social cues so well and are able to do it so nonchalantly. It just blows my mind! I really wish I knew how they do it so that I don't have to walk on eggshells so much.
I also don't understand why neurotypicals tend to patronise and discriminate against someone who isn't a neurotypical just for being "different". For example, I have a friend (for the sake of this post, I'll call him Chris) who's also an Aspie. Whenever I hang out with Chris, I see other people pick on him and stir him up just so that they can get him to snap and get all angry at them for their entertainment. It makes me feel really frustrated because there's not much I can do to help. No matter what I do, they'll just continue to pester Chris. And this type of patronising behaviour from neurotypicals doesn't just happen to Aspies. I have an aunt (I'll call her Sarah) who was born with spina bifida, so she has spent her entire life confined to either crutches or a wheelchair. Whenever she goes out in public, I see people talk to Sarah in a patronising tone and straight up treat her like a baby, even though she's over 50 years old and is perfectly capable of doing most things herself. Again, there's not much I can do about it because no matter what I do, there will still be neurotypicals who treat Sarah poorly. It breaks my heart to see both Chris and Sarah treated so terribly by others, just because they're different. I just don't understand why so many neurotypicals do it. What do they gain from patronising and discriminating against others for not being like them? I really wish I understood their motives to engage in this behaviour.
I'm sorry that I rambled on for so long. I just really need answers to these burning questions.
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self.offmychest
|
Anxiety after drinking. Does anyone else get really bad anxiety and depression for like a week after a night of drinking? I get to the point where I literally think I'm going to die. I'm not just talking about hangovers, I'm talking about once the hangover is gone and there's a looming anxiety and depression for days after. I haven't been able to find anyone else with anything like this and it kind of scares me. Maybe there is something truly wrong.
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self.Anxiety
|
I can’t tell if I’m quitting my major based on anxiety or because it’s wrong I’m currently a secondary education and English major and I spend six hours a day panicking and crying. Whenever I’m in schools I spend the whole time looking at the clock. I am considering youth librarianship instead, but my family tells me that it’s just anxiety holding me back and that I should be a teacher. I don’t know how to feel and I don’t have answers, and I can’t find them anywhere and I’m desperate.
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self.Anxiety
|
I have hated almost every minute of 2017. It was supposed to be a good year.
Then my parent told me I had a year or so to get rid of my belongings from my family home.
Then the family therapy started.
Then a friend of mine died.
Then my parent accused me of theft and fraud, completely un-fucking-substantiated, but it doesn't matter because that's what they had decided I was like. Noooooope, fuck you, how dare you. At least I can be comforted it the truth, and that is that I'm the trustworthy one and you're a lying piece of shit.
Then that parent banned me from visiting the family home.
Then my parent started meddling with my relationship with my siblings, at least one of whom didn't want to see me for their birthday as a direct fucking result. By the time the second rolled around, I was too afraid of rejection to ask.
Then one of my best friend's (also flatmate) parents' terminal cancer got really bad. Her chemo was upped to the maximum dose but it kept getting worse. No problem, they just stopped the drugs so they could cut out half her liver. It was the hardest week for my friend, and I could do absolutely fucking nothing to make them feel better.
Then my other flatmate decided that she hated me. I tried to fix the situation but she refused to talk about it, just being salty and surly and literally the most entitled, lazy sack of shit I have ever met in my adult life.
Then I had my first same-sex sort-of relationship. It was a huge period of self-discovery and craziness, and entirely more complicated than I needed it to be. My partner was already in another relationship and so I was navigating the whole polyamory thing for the first time, as well as doing the whole holy shit I'm really fucking queer thing. All while my fucking country thought it was a good idea to put the question of my relationship to a national fucking opinion poll. Yeah, good. Holding those ballots in my hand was absolutely sickening. Now I have the pleasure of knowing that two in every five people in my country hates me! Woo!
Then two of my flatmates announced they were breaking the lease two months early. Fine, but a fuckload of extra stress and uncertainty for those of us left who weren't breaking the lease.
Then I needed to transfer my car into my name from my parent's name. I was struggling with a flare-up of my chronic ill health at the time and so tried to get my parent to sign and post the papers but that wasn't happening, instead it turned into an ultimatum where I had to go and see them in person "to talk". (I went. Fuck them.)
Then my parent demanded I return my keys to the family home because they "don't trust me" to be there. But, ohhhh, *by the way*, u/th-- you're still welcome for Christmas! (What the fuck? You sure as hell don't make me feel very welcome).
Then one of my flatmates almost tried to kill herself. I had to call the emergency services while my friend/flatmate looked after her, bandaged her up. The police and paramedics came, and took her to the hospital. That was fucking awful. I once spent six months locked up in a psych ward due to my past depression (my flatmates don't know this) and I swear to fucking god it broke my heart to call them on her. I know it was the only option to keep her safe, but those months were some of the hardest in my life. And it brought it all back. And I felt so, so guilty. She has no idea. It was horrible for my friend/flatmate for similar reasons. The flatmate who ended up in hospital has no idea bout that either.
Then somewhere in all that my friend/flatmate ended up in hospital with some out-of-the-blue strange thing that they still have no idea what's going on. Three days doped up on stupidly potent painkillers. Needs to go back into hospital in a couple months to see what's up.
Then my friend and I started a new house hunt which is stressful at the best of times.
Then my relationship fell apart, due to communication problems and other shit. Fun.
Then my friend/flatmate announced that he had to move back in with his family. After this year of housemates from hell this was... not a fun prospect. He's really been my support person through everything, and now I'm essentially cut off from my own family it's just... a bit painful.
All this while dealing with really bad chronic ill health and I'm just fucking over it. I haven't been able to stop, all this while trying to keep my life running, and the house running, keeping up with my studies, work, etc.
I pushed myself this year.
I mean, hell, I got 99/100 on one of my courses for uni. I have no one to share that with, because I'm not even talking to my family. 99/100 for an *entire semester's work* plus the exam and when I got that little text message I just felt empty. I topped the fucking course and it's the highest result the faculty has ever given (at least that's what I gathered from what my prof said) and it just feels empty. I should be happy but what am I going to do with that number, eat it? Sell it? Put it on a fucking shelf? I can't even tell anyone because thats "bragging".
It hurts. It hurts so much, but most of this I haven't even started to process yet because I haven't had a chance to stop. And when I find myself breathing, I cry. So I keep running. But it just hurts.
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self.offmychest
|
I’m going blind, and I’m scared out of my mind I’m 20 years old, and I got diagnosed with IIH, otherwise known as psuedotumor cerebri, a few months ago. I lost a significant amount of vision in my right eye, but this last week I’ve gone almost completely blind in that eye, and my “good” left eye, is blurred beyond belief. It was crystal clear just last week. There’s times where everything goes black, and I’m in the hospital now while they try to save what’s left. I love to read, and I want to see my sweet dogs little face, and my boyfriends goofy grin, and I didn’t get to travel and see all the things I thought I’d have my whole life to see. I can literally see it slipping away, and I’ve never felt so afraid in my whole life. I just want my dog, and to be ok.
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self.offmychest
|
2 months of mania over. Crippling depression now My confidence (falsely pumped up by mania) is gone. I've gone into hiding on social media and in my social ties. All this overnight. I've deleted my mania- inspired social media posts and made my profiles private again. Have no will to move off couch or eat. I can barely take care of my animals. I can't handle these ups and downs.
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self.bipolar
|
its not worth it anymore and im tired of saying that im going to killmyself and then i dont get around to it its not worth it anymore i cant even put into any words how stressful it is
"just talk with your family about how you feel about how they treat you"
every time i do i get told im not worthy of respect im just a child
"you are a good person"
then why do i always get treated like im worthless and get told i should kill myself
"you should stand up for yourself"
and when i stand up for myself i get told im being cruel and heartless and im just starting trouble
"talk to child protective services :)" yeah i did its kind of hard to get people to believe your abused when u have no bruises
im tired of people thinking im a liar im not a liar all the terrible things they said to me are real!!!
'you have a whole life ahead of you" so you mean that i have an entire life time of people to touch me innapropriately and use me and blame me for the things that happened to me!
im planning to starve myself to death and die of organ failure I want to meet God
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I know you're not a doctor, but... In my experience, I can normally identify a trigger for whatever mood I'm in. This leads me to think I don't have bipolar, but my psych still thinks I do.
Do any of you guys share this experience?
(I don't want to break the rules here, so tell me if this crossed a line.)
|
self.bipolar
|
happy new year for the last time hopefully this is my last new years alive so yay. i should celebrate
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self.depression
|
Everyday when i wake up, i have this constant feeling that i need to go home. I NEED to get home no matter WHAT. But i don't know where that home is... I really wish i would find that home. I wish i would find a place where i have meaning, happiness, and where i belong. Sadly, i don't think i will ever find my home.
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self.depression
|
I dont have anyone to help me so i am gonna throw it here....... my life of me and my family after my dad passed away last year is hell we dont have money we dont have life just barely living with the least amount of money just realized yesterday the we need 50k to start being a normal people so i dont know what to do i am not that person who can work with people and i pref to live inside my shell and my only work i can get money from is programming or anything related to computer but i dont even have the money to study its just a miserable life......... i didnt feel that much deppresion in my life if anyone wants to help i appreciate it
P.S: If u read this ty reading means a lot
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self.offmychest
|
Is my insomnia from anxiety? I've had a history of anxiety since I was 13- I was able to conquer most of it without any medication by around 15, and now have only slight recurrences of it. However, I'm currently in my first semester of college and have found myself, multiple times, being unable to sleep and staying awake. Part of me is worried that I will sleep through my alarms, though at other times I find myself just shaking for no explicit reason.
Has anyone else gone through something like this? :(
|
self.Anxiety
|
Anxiety has badly increased since being in my first relationship [19/F] Hello! I’m new to this sub-reddit, so apologies if I’m not following any rules correctly 😰
I’ve always been positive I’ve had some form of anxiety (which has commonly been labelled as merely overemotional tendencies) and have not needed to take any action on it. This is because I’d have very few panic attacks, I could possibly could three times leading up to before my relationship, so it didn’t effect me much. For context, most of my anxiety was previously socially based, believing my friends had ~secret hatred~ for me.
Now, I’m in a LDR, coming up to one year with a girl I love very much. However, although I’m having some of my best times with her, this past year is when I’ve felt the worst mentally. I cry almost every week and I am becoming way too familiar with that gnawing, nauseating feeling you get in your stomach from anxiety. I feel like throwing up right now just from thinking about my relationship - what I’m doing wrong, what she’s failing to do, the future of our relationship, etc. If we discuss this it becomes an argument, because she’s evidently very tired of my tears and overanalytical tendencies, and probably wants to have a normal relationship with someone who doesn’t need reassurance 24/7z
I can feel like this for an entire evening, but as soon as we speak again (on the phone), I forget about the way I’ve been feeling. Suddenly, I realise how silly my behaviour has been, and I’ve had no reason to be so anxious.
My question is: what do I do? Broad, but I’m lost. Does the correlation between my peak in anxiety and this relationship mean anything for our comparability? How can I explain to her what’s going on for me without her getting mad? (As this has happened a couple of times before.)
TL;DR - I haven’t had bad anxiety until I’ve gotten into my LDR. I’m tired of crying and burdening my girlfriend with this. How do I tackle this? Does this suggest incompatibility?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Husband won't answer my questions Why is it so hard to answer my simple questions? Why answer my questions with more questions? Why make simple discussions like whether or not we have any leftovers mind-numbingly frustrating and complicated? Why babble endlessly about tangential things that don't may any sense? Why why why? I have told him a million times that this is frustrating and that when he blatantly ignores my questions it makes me feel frustrated and unvalued and unheard. WHY?!
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self.offmychest
|
Currently locked in my room My husband's parents own a camp in Mississippi that we like to visit on weekends. The in-laws usually don't mind us staying by ourselves, which is pretty awesome. 100 acres of trees and a creek that's a short walk from the house.
This weekend they decided they wanted to come stay at the camp with us. Usually that's ok, but we don't really get along...probably bc of my mannerisms.
It's a 2.5 hour drive up here, it's been a long day, and I had to say goodbye to a kitty that we had welcomed into our home this week. So, yeah.
We arrive at the camp and say our hellos and the first thing my FIL asks me is if I'm ok or tired. I say I'm fine and just want to settle in. We get everything unpacked and I sit in a chair, with my fidget spinner, and watch a bit of whatever stupid home renovation show he's watching. I don't like to talk very much, so when he tries to make conversation I just nod or say yeah.
Fast forward to dinner. My in-laws are Catholic and force my son to say Grace at every meal. I'm atheist and just sit there usually. It makes me angry that my MIL snaps at my son to close his eyes and bow his head, but I keep quiet. We commence eating, and like the very excited 4 yr old he is, he's chattering away instead of eating. He now has 4 adults trying to tell him to eat instead of just me and my husband. I feel stepped on and aggravated.
Then my son starts to get cranky bc it's 9 pm and he hasn't had a nap so of course he's whining. I say, "Its time for bed." Of course he whines more and starts up with the I can't sleep bc I have allergies. This is actually a running joke in our family. My son says his allergies hurt so he can't go to school. It's just a ploy to stay at home and play. My MIL is now worried that my son has sinus issues and wants to know why his allergies hurt. I say he takes allergy meds bc he has allergies, just like i do. Then my MIL says "well, I didn't buy any chocolate cake for dessert." All my son hears is cake and dessert. So now I have to explain to him, while he's crying about not getting cake that there never was a cake. My MIL says, "Well how about I make you some dessert." I say no bc it's late and he's had more than enough sugar today. Well that did it. My FIL barks, "What the hell is wrong with a little fucking dessert. Seriously!?"
This starts a fight between my husband and his father. My MIL requests that my husband speak to her outside while I'm sitting at the table with my son wondering what the hell just happened.
So, I decide to clear the table. My FIL comes into the kitchen and says, "I've got the dishes. Don't bother yourself. Where is my wife?" I say she's outside with my husband and my FIL mumbles as he walks outside, "Well she's talking to the wrong person."
So here I am, locked in my room after putting my kid to bed. My husband says that my in-laws think I'm not friendly enough to them. Fuck that. I don't feel the need to put on my pretend happy fucking social face every time I see them. I just want to relax and be quiet. Why is that too much to ask?
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self.bipolar
|
I just felt that I was worth something for the first time in quite a while I've been struggling with what i think is depression for quite a long time now and this past weeks weren't really good for me either. I had a huge panic attack that led to me punching my face repeatedly while laughing like a maniac because i honestly felt like a worthless piece of shit. The rest of the week was spent gaming and sleeping 24/7 because, in typical me fashion, I have a huge exam this friday and I felt like shit in every other aspect of my life too, so whenever i have a little pressure and dont feel good I just bail on all my responsabilities, friends and family to play videogames, trying to forget what my life has become (I took so little care of myself in that period that it makes me ashamed just to think about it).
Anyway, today i had to go to the uni for the last review before the test and the teacher splitted us up in several smaller groups so we could help each other and things like that.
I have HUGE social anxiety on my bad days, and that combined with astronomically low self esteem is quite a tricky combination.
That group consisted of all girls, including my crush (to whom I cant even talk to because of feeling like an ugly piece of shit most days)
For some reason I felt really comfortable in the smaller group, started talking a lot and every time I did everyone would laugh out loud, they told me I was really funny and they all heard what I had to say and listened to my anecdotes, no matter how dumb they were.
I also did some exercises myself and actually was productive with my time! I spent some of it asking my crush to help me out with the exam, she did and was super nice to me, i even helped her out a little bit too!
For the first time in a really long time I felt alive, happy, and that there was something more to me than the lazy, unproductive, ugly, sad, selfish, asshole that I can be sometimes. I felt that under all that depression, social anxiety, self loathing, shyness and fear there's a really cool guy that cares about people and is pretty funny.
That made me feel so many emotions that as soon as i got home I went to my room and started crying, but this time it wasnt because of self pity or disappointing people. This time I saw the light at the end of the tunnel for the first time and I can rest a little easier now knowing that under all that shit, there is hope.
Thank you for reading my post
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self.depression
|
Dealing with unstable self esteem? I feel like I go from the top of the world to absolutely worthless in seconds. Does anyone else experience this? I either love myself entirely or think I deserve to die at the drop of a hat. How do I cope with this? Will it always be this way? Is this a bipolar issue?
|
self.bipolar
|
What helps you most during a panic attack? What are your go to tools or strategies that help you stop a panic attack?
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self.Anxiety
|
Anxiety when trying to nap? When I try to nap I sometimes get random as all heck anxiety spikes. I can be just lying there and be trying to sleep and suddenly I get cold and I feel fear even if there's literally nothing on my mind.
So now I can't take naps anymore. I'm perfectly fine when trying to actually sleep at night though. Anyone else experience this?
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self.Anxiety
|
Nobody wants to hear what I'm really saying. I don't want help living, I want help dying. I do not want to live. I do not want to have deal with any more counsellors and drugs in the hopes of making me a productive citizen. I would like help dying and to have the people I care about respect and accept my will. Why is this so hard for people to understand.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Confused drivel Hello,
I would quite like to take the sharpest knife I have and stab myself to death.
But that wouldn't work, and doesn't seem like it would be a very good idea in general. I know it's just an idea, and actually doing it is not something I should do. But how do I stop having these disruptive thoughts?
I don't think I actually want to die. I think I just want to be invisible and opt-out of life. I thought I'd got over all this suicidal feeling stuff and was on the way back to something resembling normality.
Welp, thanks for reading my confused drivel. That's three minutes you'll never get back.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I Finished My List. I gave back to every community I've lived in. I sent out letters of recommendation. I finished writing my love notes and have been taking pictures for the past few months. I took part in local government. I gave everything up to go around the world. I picked things back up when I realized I couldn't stand not working. I have outlived my best friend, my lover, my fiancee. I have outlived my run-ins with death.
I finished the other 104 things on my list.
I am so tired. I am in so much pain. I want to rest and be at peace. My skin is blistering and red. I am so exhausted. The sun makes my head ache, my skin on fire, my eyes want to burst. The cold hurts me to my bones. The heat makes me nauseous. Food will not stay down. Water will not stay down. I have lost too much weight.
I maintain my composure. I go to work everyday. I explore. I withstand the pain. I am trying. **I am trying so hard** I am trying so hard to make life worth it.
The cancer feels like it will never go away. My best friend will never come back. My daughter is already gone. My friends are all dead. My employees are lost in their own world, in their own culture. My mind...is foggy.
I do not feel worthless. I do not feel lonely or unloved. I do not feel ugly or unsuccessful. I have no financial problems. I do not feel misunderstood. I don't even feel hopeless. I'm just tired.
I'm in so much pain. My mind isn't fully there all the time. My body is weak. Just the sun brings me pain. It has been 3 years. Too many surgeries. Too many complications. I just want to be at peace.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I wrote a poem about my current state of mind. I just wrote this, I've also posted to r/OCpoetry I'm not even sure it's any good, I just wanted to share it somewhere and I'm hoping here is an okay place to put it.
"Shallow Oceans"
Waves of depression hit, warm and comforting, like a the embrace of an old friend.
Feeling nothing and everything all at once.
Trying to claw my way to the surface.
Pushing against the current of emotion, swimming through the emptiness of my mind.
Ready to burst like an overinflated water wing.
I've been here before, I'll be here again.
Tearing at the very fabric of my soul, looking for some way to express myself.
For some way to make you understand.
I'm not depression but I am depressed.
It's nothing and everything about me.
It's who I am but not who I'm meant to be.
Waves of depression, washing over me.
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self.depression
|
I'm sad I've had a really shit couple days. My dad bought a bunch of pills that I overdosed on a couple months ago and its really hard to just have them lying around
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self.depression
|
I like a girl who has a boyfriend I'm a "fuck-boi" I've slept with a girl just for fun and told her I love her just so the sex would be better, I even stopped half way through the sex and started crying and just laid there. I flirt with so many girls just so I can feel good about myself, I pick them out; the overweight girl no guy wants and the "whore" everyone's scared to catch an STD off. But I genuinely like one girl, but she has a fucking boyfriend. She tries to commit suicide, and from what I can tell he doesn't try to talk her out of it like I do. I do so much for her but she still loves him and it hurts, I even started talking to her less 'cause he was feeling 'threatened'. I try not to bud in on their time together and I've backed off when he's asked, but I want him to go away so bad. She broke up with him for a day and I thought I had a fucking chance, but then they got back together. It felt like I'd been punched in the gut
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self.depression
|
I am a wildland firefighter Actually, I work on an elite wildland fire crew in one of the most competitive regions in the US. And I'm a woman. And, in the wake of all of the hype the SoCal fires are getting, I just want to say that I am sick and tired of being left out. When I see on Reddit someone commenting "I am so grateful for the brave guys who saved my house" or a civilian addressing my crew "you boys are doing a hell of a job out there". Ok. I'll just go fuck myself then. I am definitely not someone who normally jumps onto the Be Politically Correct train but every time someone neglects to acknowledge that there are also some badass fucking women who are keeping up with the most badass and physically fit men in the firefighting world, I want to grab them and tell them about the YEARS that I trained so that I can pick up 200lb logs alongside my male co-workers and hike 10+ miles a day with 60lbs on my back and how I'm probably going to get COPD because we don't use respirators and the smoke is so bad that you're throwing up because of carbon monoxide poisoning but I don't care because I love what I do and, while I'm not doing it for the pat on the back, you specifically using a pronoun that doesn't include me feels like a slap in the face.
Thanks for listening.
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self.offmychest
|
everything is so overwhelming that i don’t what to do. i seriously need help at this point. i don’t know how fake my emotions
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self.depression
|
Opposite Day LPT A lot of people really like To Do lists, and do really well with them. In terms of anxiety, writing these tasks down can really get them out of your head long enough to find the energy to do them, and that’s great.
I am not one of those people.
To Do lists lord and loom over me every day, and even that one little task that didn’t get done just laughs at me and makes the entire effort feel fruitless; nothing matters because it wasn’t everything. Plus the cycling in my head never stops. I know what needs to be done in my house and my life - it confronts me in every room, at every meeting, even when I’m using the bathroom and realize the tub needs a good scrub-down.
So I’ve started making a Done List. An “I Did This Today” list.
In my calendar at the end of each day, I write down whatever big or small thing I did to help me remember that _I got something done today_. The dishes got done, I made dinner, I put on a load of laundry or cleaned the bathroom. Whatever. If it took energy and I got it done, I write it down. I’ve been bad about it the last week or two (ironically since the new year), but looking back at November and December when I did it daily, I was able to think “_Damn, I did something every single day! That’s insane!_”
It helps me remember that I’m productive, and that even if things aren’t done, it isn’t because I’m lazy and not trying. Things are getting done and they will continue to get done. I can do this.
Just wanted to share and shout out to al the people who can’t handle a to do list. :)
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self.Anxiety
|
Anybody else think depression is just part of life? Can anybody please elaborate?
Thank you in advance!
|
self.depression
|
Lamictal withdrawal- extreme brain fog 3 days ago I quit the 100mg of lamictal I've been taking for about a month. jesus christ I cannot concentrate on anything. I finally understand that "zombie-like" feeling that gets associated with antidepressants. I've spent my entire day watching jersey shore and browsing reddit with my attention all over the place. My focus is shit and having a conversation takes serious effort.
Has anyone experienced this?? How long does it last :((
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self.bipolar
|
I am in urgent need of advice. (roommate and friend) I think my roommate is going to kill himself. He has no family or friends. i am the only person he talks too. He is very shy and around 25. The past two weeks he has stopped talking and been searching for ways to kill himself that are not painful. today he would not even look at me and has stayed in his bed all day. I feel that time is running out and i need advice he will no longer talk to me. i can hear him crying in his room. somebody tell me what to do to save him. we have been roommates for 6 years.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I’m worrying about the news Everything is getting too much for me with this Russia/US potential war over Syria. I’m not a citizen of either country but I’m literally having panic attacks over the idea of this reaching me. I’m confused as to whether major media outlets such as Newsweek exaggerate and fear monger. Is this true? I just want to know me and my family will be safe.
|
self.Anxiety
|
OCD and SA It's like I see myself in three different lights. Either I'm the introspective type who likes to have deep conversations with people and who does his own thing to a degree, or an insecure anxious mess that feels like he needs to be accepted by everyone he meets in order to function properly. Or I feel like a complete freak who could never be "normal" like everyone else. I want to be able to do my own thing without worrying, but then I get anxious and self-conscious about being ridiculed or shamed, and so I have to act perfectly within these imagined guidelines so I don't "give" someone reason to hate me.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I want to kill myself. I have been waiting in the National Suicide chat for hours. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
smoking does smoking relieves stress or not? some say it does, some say it makes it worse. what do you think?
|
self.depression
|
I am terrified that I am screwing up my relationship. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
kissed boyfriend yesterday and now he's vomiting i saw my boyfriend yesterday and he complained of stomach cramps but didn't think anything of it. we kissed a lot and he went home. this morning he texted me saying that he vomited 8 times last night. now i'm really scared that i'm gonna get sick. how can i stop getting sick when i've probably already got the bug?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I don't even know This week has been rough for me. My head constantly hurts for like 5 days now despite me taking meds, making it hard to get through the day. I don't even want to mention the fact that one time I would eat the entire fridge and other times I cannot put anything in my mouth for like 2 days. Most of the time I just find myself sleeping during the day just to... I don't know, hang around I guess. Sometimes I think of ending it all, I just feel like I have nothing to look forward to. Talking with other people has been hard as well. I remember as a kid I wanted to accomplish things, be happy etc. but now I feel... numb, I think. Nothing is any fun anymore. I always had dreams to go to college, but I don't think it will work out.
I don't even know why I'm writing this, I may just need to vent it all out or something. Thanks for reading, it really means something.
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self.depression
|
My experience with the psych ward So, a few days ago, I made a post detailing my suicidal idealizations and a few of you kind hearted folk suggested I go to the hospital. Well, I did just that.
At first, I was fucking terrified. My mind was racing as they wheeled me on my bed up to the psych ward. Pretty sure my heart was pounding and my stomach was up in my throat. I went through the motions of signing my life away and taking some trazadone to get me to sleep.
The first day there was my birthday (Yesterday). I was so sad and angry that I was in the hospital on my birthday. I tried to get let out early, trying to lie my way out and hopping they'd fall for it. Well, thankfully they didn't.
I spent the day doing group therapy and getting to know my fellow patients. I made a few friends and tried to talk and laugh my way through my anxiety. The food was fucking AWFUL OMG. It was the most bland shit in the world. Bleh.
My mind is all scattered from the meds they prescribed me, so I'm sorry for jumping around from topic to topic. Still need to adjust to this.
When I started talking to the doctors and patients, my anxiety slowly went away. My depression began to creep away as we joked around and watched TV together, curled up in our chairs with our blankets (I feel very naked without it right now). I cried a few times, and every time I did, someone would come up and comfort me and talk me through my sorrow. Sometimes they'd give me a big warm hug and just be there for me. I mean, I was pretty sad I was there on my birthday and not at home with my family.
But, I'm really glad I went. I feel like it was a life changing experience. I finally felt like I wasn't alone in my struggles (Chatting with people online is nice, but it's a different story when you meet someone else in person that's also bi-polar). A few people thanked me for being goofy and making them laugh, because it really helped them work through their own struggles. My roommate told me that if it weren't for me, he probably would've stayed in his room the entire time.
It's okay to go to the hospital. It's alright to be scared, angry, sad and anxious when you're there. It's okay to feel these things. It's a scary fucking place. BUT! Everyone there is there to help you and the patience are there because they too are struggling.
If you or anyone you know is dealing with suicidal thoughts, please, please, please, talk to them about seeking out help.
You are loved. You are wanted. You are important. You will make it through this. Stay strong, r/bi-polar. I have faith in you. <3
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self.bipolar
|
This might be the end for me I feel so trapped. I’m in a situation that is tearing me apart, and I don’t think I can do this anymore. I don’t have anyone who cares about me. I have no family anymore. I’m laying next to this bottle of pills crying my eyes out. I have a note that I wrote months ago. To think I actually thought things would get better. My phone just got shut off, so I can’t even call a hotline. I am truly alone. I have one friend who has an idea of how bad things are, but he won’t pick up on Facebook. I know killing myself with pills might be painful, but will it hurt more than how I feel right now. This is my last resort.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I hate how I laugh. I love to laugh. I love to make others laugh. I'm known for having a witty sense of humor, making clever jokes about different situations no matter how good or bad. With this in mind, you'd expext me to laugh a lot. I do.
But every so often, once every few months in a year or so, people will point out that my laugh sounds silly or stupid. One person likened it to that of a hyena. When I was younger, my peers would try to imitate how I laughed in an attempt to insult me.
It just sucks when you're mocked for your expression of joy.
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self.offmychest
|
Depressed friend is possibly a hoarder? Sorry if this is the wrong place, not sure exactly where to post this. One of my friends has severe clinical depression and schizophrenia, and uses that as an excuse for not getting stuff done. I feel I can relate to that somewhat, as I have manic depression and anxiety. I totally understand not feeling motivated to clean house, but I feel it’s gotten to the point where something has to be done. She shares a small apartment with her husband and kid, 2 dogs, there’s stuff and trash everywhere on the floor, sofas, dirty laundry all over living room, the dogs sometimes poop on the bathroom floor and she won’t seem to clean it up for days, the counters and all surfaces are just gross. I guess my question is, is there a way I can try to approach her about this without making her feel worse? I honestly don’t know if she’s even aware of how gross the place has gotten. Would it be rude of me to bring it up??? Again sorry if this is the wrong thread.. just figured I’d post here as I feel like the depression is a big factor.
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self.depression
|
Overdose vs Shootings Why when someone dies from an overdose it’s okay to start talking about drug abuse and addiction and how it’s wrong but when a shooting happens it’s wrong to talk about gun control? I don’t understand. Yes addiction is horrible and we need to help people stop it and I’m not saying it’s wrong to talk about it after somebody overdosing, but literally all of the Lil Peep rip messages have things like “this should open your eyes that drugs aren’t cool to do.” But it’s wrong to say after a shooting “this should open your eyes that guns are killing us” because guns don’t kill people. Well with that logic, neither do drugs because you have to voluntarily take them.
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self.offmychest
|
Do you go to counseling/therapy? And do you enjoy it? For about a month I’ve been trying to work up the courage to schedule an appointment. I don’t know why I’m so scared..actually I do. I tried to go to counseling once in college for my anxiety and it was a terrible experience. I don’t even know how I would explain why I want help or what I want help with...
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self.Anxiety
|
Hate being on my own I am okay-ish when i am with others such as my family or my boyfriend. As soon as i am alone my mood dips dramatically and i find it hard to not push them away.
Some kind of punishment for leaving me on my own to begin with, maybe?
I dont know why i do it. If im of somewhat soundmind then i am ok, but if i am depressed or overly anxious like now i absolutely hate being alone.
My mind goes into overdrive.
I think it bothers me that they know my mind goes all over and tortures me, yet they still leave to do whatever.
I know its selfish and probably a bit bratty, but that is how i feel at the minute. It is doing my head in and i wish i could stop thinking/feeling this way, but i cant.
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self.Anxiety
|
Merry crisis Of course my mother can't let a single Christmas pass without nearly tearing our family apart. This time it's because of a glass. Nothing more, she just accused everyone of lying about having thrown out that motherfucking glass (which honestly no one did), to the point where me, my brother, and my dad just went away and let her alone with her anger.
Wish me luck for the rest of the evening.
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self.depression
|
Might do it on 1st Dec My birthday. Have been jobless for 3 months. Broke up with my girlfriend. She doesnt even want to reconcile. Will turn 30. A jobless loser.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
[rant] I was recently diagnosed with severe anxiety/depression. After years of struggling, and I mean breaking down hard and absolutely fucking cracking to the point I became suicidal, I was finally taken to a doctor and diagnosed with major depression and severe anxiety. I thought this was a good thing, I thought I'd finally be getting the help I needed and that I was taking a step towards getting better. At least that's what I hoped.
In reality?
My family now treats me like I am absolutely incompetent and mentally handicapped.
For instance, I recently decided I wanted to get my GED. I am 26, I never went to school and was kept isolated most of my life but that's another rant entirely. I taught myself to read and write but I'm complete shit when it comes to math. I was never taught anything about it and never could quite learn it on my own beyond simple addition and subtraction until I found Khan Academy on Reddit. Progress is slow, but whatever. I digress.
My grandfather told me yesterday that it's a waste of my time and that I should just try to get disability instead. He wasn't kind about it and there were a few more things he said that don't need repeating. I left his house, in tears, and went to my mother's hoping to get some kind of support there. No such luck.
She insists on the same thing or that I should try something easier. Apparently I'm setting the bar too high by wanting to get my goddamn GED and maybe go to a community college. They can't seem to grasp the concept that what I have going on with me isn't a mental handicap. In fact, what's going on with me they both had a fucking hand in causing but whatever.
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self.Anxiety
|
Had a fun conversation at a bar Funny thing happened at a bar after a Halloween comedy show. For Halloween a guy dressed up as a cog in the capitalist machine. So I asked him, "As a cog in the machine, are you aware of your condition?" I.e. referencing social theory about cognizance about your position in the capitalist scheme (Marx or some shit)
The guys response was "Yes I'm bipolar and medicated for it"
I was like "me too but that's not what I was asking"
He also told me he finally got medicated and diagnosed properly after 27 years so I thought that was nice. He seemed really happy.
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self.bipolar
|
Just had to put my dog down of 16 years He wasn’t going to get better but I feel so terrible and guilty I didn’t even have to courage and strength to say goodbye to him. He didn’t know who I was at that point and I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing him like that again. I feel like shit and I can’t stop crying.
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self.depression
|
My depressions coming back at the wrong time Why is my existence meaningful?
I know why I shouldnt kill myself
Its because it will hurt others.
But on the scales,
Who is more selfish?
Me who wants to rid them
Of my baggage and burdens
Or them who want me to suffer
So they don’t have to?
They claim to see future success in me
Based on my candy coated exterior
But I have no successes waiting
Only procrastination and anxieties.
I will disappoint them all in life,
Why not do it quicker through death?
I want to walk alone.
Please abandon me.
Take your feelings with you
and do not blame me.
I will never fly higher
and I dont want to drag you down.
So please leave me
and let me be free.
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self.depression
|
i just don't get it. I just dont get it anymore. i tried my hardest to feel better again, i sport everyday, i eat healthy, i always try to be nice to people but just when everything is about to get better again i get sexually assaulted by my friend.
after that i slipped again, tried my hardest to not feel shit again but i feel so alone again even with all the great support and i tried to cut out anyone negative in my life but it just haunts me and whenever i am alone back in my room all i do is worry and i try to convince me its just how i feel but i dont want to feel like this.
and whenever i try to go back to talking with people in person i suddenly lose all my will to talk to anyone. i really want to and i defently wanna go back and having nice conversations again but its just not working and i am dying for a way to just start over, get another chance and leave all this and everyone behind.
i wanna have an ego and actually care about myself again without looking in the mirror and still feeling that i have to do more about myself and keep improving me.
and whenever i try to finally do something for myself it ends up hurting people around me and because i see them hurt, it hurts me.
If you have come this far thank you for listening to my whining and rambling, have a good night.
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self.depression
|
How to cure suicidal thoughts are suicidal thoughts just something i am going to have to accept for the rest of my life? The go away but I eventually get them again, so like is there anything that stops them? I am heavily medicated and look after myself really well but they keep comming around.
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self.bipolar
|
How many of you are hiding your depression from those around you? I've been depressed and suicidal in some cases for probably about 5 years. Haven't told a single person about what I have and currently am going through despite knowing that telling the people close to me would likely help a lot. I guess I just feel like it would be a burden to them. Idk. What about you guys? Are you keeping your depression hidden from those around you too? If you ever reached out, how did that go and what were your experiences?
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self.depression
|
My kitty needed emergency surgery today And I did not lose my shit. Go me.
|
self.bipolar
|
*Trigger Warning* Diagnosed almost exactly a year ago and still floundering, looking for stability. Need help with isolation. I apologize in advance for this jumping around. TL;DR: I feel so out of control of myself/life and I feel stuck. I’ve been isolating myself for months and I’m having a hard time reintegrating myself into what is supposed to be my life. Any tips would be helpful.
I started feeling depressed as a teen and then feelings of anxiety came in when I started in college. I’d always bounce from the idea of one career to the next, never actually picking one and I eventually dropped out of college. I’d also lose jobs frequently. I’d be fine and actually a great employee. After awhile I’d start getting apprehensive about going in, crying uncontrollably for days, became suicidal, and after missing so many days I’d inevitably get fired. After the firing, the self loathing would settle in.
I’d also go through relationships constantly. Multiple relationships at once. My thinking was that if I’m trying to find forever, well, I should cast my net as far as possible. I’d fall in and out of love constantly.
Somehow through all of that I got married. I love my spouse so much and he truly understands what I’m going though, well, as much as possible. He would sit in the closet with me when I was extremely depressed. He tries to keep up with me or bring me back to reality when the mania comes through (but that didn’t start happening until we discovered it was mania). He knows everything about me and has since we met. He has never thought less of me.
Fast forward to me finding a great job for once. I loved it because I was helping people (even though I was yelled at by so many people, meh). I was making more money than I had ever made before and was extremely proud of myself. Home life, however, was hell. We lived with some of his family members and every night was basically a party/hang out with friends complete with ridiculous drama. My BIL doesn’t like me because I stood up to him with his alcoholism and how it negatively affected my husband with all of the lies and BS we went through. I was also bothered by the fact that my home was starting to look like hell. I was the only one that regularly cleaned (still am). It got the point where all I did was wake up, work, come home, clean, sleep.
I would actively avoid spending time with anyone that wasn’t my husband. I ended up have an intense mania and almost walked out into traffic in the middle of a shift. I was admitted for 3 days and that’s when I found out I was bipolar. I was then placed in an outpatient program for 3 weeks. I was placed on lithium, Ativan, and another anti anxiety medication and they all made me feel basically nothing.
I kept my job for another week after I was discharged from the outpatient program and I spiraled. I had so much shame and guilt for just having bipolar disorder. I still do. I stayed in my bedroom and cried for 3 months. I’d leave my bedroom to grab something a couple times a week maybe. I’d notice that my home had deteriorated even more. My SIL’s cat had peed everywhere and no one cleaned anything. This just made everything worse because then I’d come out every morning to clean up after them.
During that time I went through this period of a couple days that are just a really hazy memory. Apparently, I cut myself (which I did in high school, but stopped in high school). I don’t remember being sad during that time. I was extremely happy and jovial until my husband noticed and understandably freaked out. I stopped taking my meds after this because I had been taking them religiously and I was feeling more “crazy” than ever.
I’d also spend money I didn’t have buying crap online and coming up with hobby after hobby. I would start on a project, get so far, and then switch to a completely unrelated project. Then I’d get so fed up with everything and then just cry for days. I don’t sleep much, either.
Eventually I started coming out of my room more and trying to take charge of the home because I couldn’t stand how it looked/smelled. It depressed me, but it made me more angry than anything and I’m not really used to anger. I was never really an “angry” person.
During the time leading up to my hospitalization I was seeing a therapist. I stopped going after I lost my job because I couldn’t afford it. My husband switched jobs so we could have insurance and after a few months, I was able to see some new people. I started seeing a new psychiatric nurse. I like her. She encourages me to tell her how I feel about the meds she prescribes and doesn’t get annoyed when I’m not liking something. My first therapy appointment in about 6 months is coming up next week. I’m not excited because it just feels like I’m going back to the old song and dance.
After months of isolation it’s extremely difficult to connect to other people. Sometimes I spend time with some friends and family that I don’t feel weird/anxious around. I haven’t been stable in so long it hurts. The longest I’ve gone feeling “normal” was a month in October. It was so weird. I’m usually either really high or really low. My moods change so much . I never really know what I’m waking up to. Is this normal? Im starting to feel like I’m even bad at being bipolar. I’m by myself every day from 11:30am until I go to bed around 9pm. I go to bed because there are always people over. Every single night. If I stay up super late with everyone every night I know that I’m going to have an intense manic cycle. The less I sleep, the more manic I get. Everyone works until at least 9:30, so I don’t really have any other time to see people. I also never know when I’m going to just be a bitch. I do it and then I realize that I did it and I hate myself even more. Even when I feel the most justified. I don’t feel connected to anyone except my husband really. I feel like no one gets it or understands or cares. People say that they do, but their actions say different things.
I know that I need to just go out and be apart of the world again. I know that my delusions are probably just delusions (I’m starting to believe that everything I think is a delusion). That not everyone hates me. That everyone isn’t thinking about how terrible of a person I am. That people genuinely want to see me and want to see me okay. I just don’t believe any of it? I also have no idea how to ask for help. It’s because I don’t know what to ask for. I’m sure people are sick of hearing me talk about my thoughts and feelings. I don’t see what anyone can do.
Does anyone have any tips on isolation, getting through it, and reconnecting with reality? As I write this I’m in a room with three other people and I’m still silently holding back tears in the corner. Oh and med-wise, I was trying Latuda and it makes me nauseous, as well as suicidal, so I’m waiting for my med appointment to see what’s next on the list.
|
self.bipolar
|
Why can't I shake you. I don't understand it. I hardly know you, and I cannot for the life of me, get over this...whatever it is I have for you. I was immediately attracted to you the first time I saw you. I put it away in the back of my head and ignored it. The attraction naturally progressed I to the biggest crush I've had for someone since high school.
I knew it wouldn't work from the get go. I understood that immediately. Seeing you every day for at least 5 hours though, it was hard to avoid you.
I won't tell you because it isn't fair to drop that at your feet, and I won't tell anyone else, because God forbid that gets spread around and you hear it from someone else.
I've tried not talking to you directly, I've tried being a little more stand offish, I've tried everything I can think of to shake this feeling, and I can't.
I know you have a boyfriend, I know we work together, I know all of this and these feelings are still here.
I just want them to be gone honestly. It's not fair to me, and it certainly isn't fair to you.
Thankfully your not the Reddit type. Thankfully I can FINALLY get this off of my chest.
|
self.offmychest
|
Hey I need someone to talk to I’m upset and don’t want to post this on the personal forums so please pm
|
self.depression
|
Got bad news and now I feel like I can breath. Edit: title should say *can't breath. Mobile sucks ass
Last night, my mom told everyone that her oncologist said the chemo didn't seem to be working on her very aggressive type of blood cancer. She can either do a clinical trial high-dose chemo that may or may not work and will definitely take months to get her where she needs to be OR spend about six weeks inpatient, at a facility about 3 hours away from home. I'm terrified. I have to go into work and I feel like the dam in my emotions is going to break at any moment. I feel like I'm suffocating and I feel sick to my stomach... I thought her treatment was working.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Foolish me. Thought somebody liked me but unsurprisingly, I was wrong.I don't know why I thought that somebody could want me.
|
self.depression
|
My friend wants relationship advice, but I don't want to help him I have a friend who's trying to impress a woman, and he's been asking me for advice. I'm not particularly useful, but that's beside the point.
The problem is, I don't want to help him. Not because I have better things to do or I don't like giving advice, but because this woman has been a total jerk to me in every interaction I've had with her.
The first time I met her, I was showing my friend some recent digital pieces I had drawn. Right off the bat, she asks me if I use digital because I'm lazy and bad at art. I thought it was a joke at first, but she was dead serious. I asked my friend about it afterward, and he said that she's "always been like that".
The other few times I've had the misfortune of being in the same room as her she's done nothing but glare at me and make rude remarks. I can't think of anything I've done or said around her that would make her act like this, but for whatever reason she seems to dislike me.
So naturally, I'm not super enthusiastic about helping my friend get together with her. The situation doesn't seem like it will amount to much anyway, but now when he asks I just end up giving vague, unhelpful advice. I'm not trying to sabotage it or anything, but I still feel like kind of a shitty friend.
|
self.offmychest
|
I feel extremely depressed by the school Hello, i am a student of HighSchool, 1 for be more precise, i know that i am not the only that is depressed for the school, and that i am not in a big grade, but i just cant be well in the school, i feel very sad and angry after classes, and i start thinking ways to kill myself and im so extressed too. I need an advize to continue at the schools with any sucidal feeling, i just want to pass high school,
with a council I'm satisfied. thanks.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm an awful person, and I'm depressed and lonely because of how awful I am. I deserve this. Last spring, I had my heart broken by a girl that I really liked. I became depressed shortly after. It's not her fault though; she doesn't have to like me.
A few months ago, I had a girl tell me that she was interested in me. I wasn't crazy about this girl, but we had some things in common and got along well. I wasn't sure what I was going to do. But you know what my disgusting mind told me would be fun? Break her heart the way I had my heart broken. It occurred to me that I had never before had the opportunity to break someone's heart. It was something I wanted to experience. Maybe it would provide with some satisfaction. It didn't. Now she's with someone else, and I'm a jealous fuck, alone on a Saturday night.
|
self.depression
|
Document I wrote 1 year after meeting my girlfriend, now my wife. Together 8 years now. Still feel the same. Would never tell her. Document I wrote 1 year after meeting my girlfriend, now my wife. Together 8 years now. Still feel the same. Would never tell her.
"Is the purpose of life selfish or selfless?
From an outside perspective (my outside perspective), it seems selfish. People live to make the best of their lives, for the outcome of most happiness. It can be superficial, i.e. monetary gains, material items, and showmanship. Or it can be deeper. Maybe, doing what truly makes one happy. Hobbies like woodworking, photography, and parenting. These are thing without much material or monetary gain, yet instill more of that “happiness” feeling.
The more depressing side would be the selfless aspect. I feel my purpose is selfless, for I am not usually “happy” nor do I expect to be. But the woman I love and will marry adores me and, quite possibly, cannot live without me. I can give or take my life. I am impartial to the whole idea. What I cannot do though, is take my life knowing that I will ruin hers. It would crush her.
So is my slugging through life to keep someone happy, selfless? Doesn’t sound too redeeming. Sounds more cowardly. In the long run, would she be better off suffering right now and progressing soon after? Or sticking with me being selfishly selfless and keeping her “happy”, ultimately resulting in doubt and unhappiness? Is it selfish for me to be continuing to think I am helping her? On the surface we may both perceive it as help, but is it? I sometimes feel I am more of a hindrance."
The above quote sounds so dramatic and immature but that's how I feel and have felt. I am 33 and have a good job, so many people have it far worse than I. I feel embarrassed, couldn't tell anyone I know about how I am.
My first suicidal though was 3rd grade, too young in my opinion, and they have never stopped. My wife and my family are why I haven't done it. The idea that one person's actions could have such an effect on so many peoples lives.
Long time browser of reddit. First time poster.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
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