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I’m bored but don’t want to do anything? So I’m bored at school. Not really sure why, I’ve got a lot going on I feel at sometimes and at others literally nothing. I’m on some meds for bipolarism but I’m finding that I almost enjoy just sitting and doing nothing over everything.
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self.bipolar
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So scared for my boyfriend My boyfriend was talking about suicide today, researching drowning methods, acting strange.
He's supposed to be at work for the next hour. An hour and a half ago I saw an ambulance and commotion at the dock in town. He has no cell phone. Should i call his work and see if he showed up? Just wait and see if he comes home tonight? I can't do anything but worry. I know he attempted suicide once in the past.
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self.SuicideWatch
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300mg Lithium enough for BPII maintenance? My doctor started me on 300mg / day in 2015, and in 2016 increased to 600mg at my request. It was my first time getting treatment for BP specifically, and it helped me get to the stable place I am at now. However, I am suffering side effects related to lithium (weight gain, acne, diarrhea, memory/focus issues, dry skin, drowsiness/slugishness) and want to reduce my dose back to 300mg. I am now taking 400mg lamotrigine, so I feel like that should be stable.
However, I can't find much research on levels that low. I'm meeting with my doctor next week, but in the meantime just reduced it and feeling more alive. I asked my partner and a friend to let me know if it seems like I am starting to get hypomanic. I hope that this can be stable, because it feels nice to lose the bogged down feeling. I want to be vigilant about distinguishing the feeling of a good mood from hypomania. Does anyone have experience with low dose lithium and or cultivating self-awareness about good + stable moods vs hypomania?
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self.bipolar
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For Christmas, my father gave me a fever and sore throat This year, when I was with my family for the holidays, my father got sick and I tried to avoid catching it. However, for some reason he just kept following and pestering me like he thought it was some game. Needless to say, I got sick, and now I feel like shit, and I have to stay in bed all day and miss out on New Year’s, because he couldn’t read the room and just leave me be :/
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self.offmychest
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It doesn't get better. As time passes, I'm getting older. More stress, more responsibilities.
I've already missed out on so many things. I cannot go back in time. I wish I was simply never born.
Suicide seems like a good escape plan.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Dna tests as Christmas gifts - freaky My dad is a narcissist. He has hurt me over and over again. He never owns up to it or apologizes. He just makes excuses. I stopped talking to him in September.
I didn’t do anything to interfere with his relationship with my son. He knows his number so he can call or text if he wants to but if he doesn’t it is his loss.
He sent Christmas presents and I looked at them because I didn’t want to take the chance that it would upset me on Christmas.
He got me and my son ancestory dna tests. This feels very weird to me. I don’t know if he gets the results since he bought the tests and he has an account. I also don’t know if my almost 13 year old is old enough to consent to sending his dna to a company.
I told my dad to back off and now he is requesting our dna? Does this sound freaky to you guys? Am I over reacting ?
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self.bipolar
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To most people I am scum that deserves to suffer [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Don’t feel as intelligent as I used to be Over the past year or so (it could have been longer, but I’m not sure) I feel as though I’ve become less intelligent than I used to be. When having conversations with others I don’t make any meaningful contributions and spend the majority of the time thinking of something intelligent and thought provoking to say rather than “ok” or “I see”. I feel as if my personality has disappeared!
I’m not sure if this is down to overuse of technology (not being able to live without a phone in the hand) and having a shorter attention span due to that. I definitely don’t read as much as I used to, however I find I don’t concentrate on that as well anymore either.
Everything seems to take much more mental capacity then it used to and it’s very frustrating. I’m a 30 year old woman with no diagnosed health problems.
Anyone out there feeling the same way?
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self.Anxiety
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Bad again Its getting bad again, i feel like im living a fucking dream i feel trapped inside myself i cannot go on lile this if this is forever i quit i just cant im so fucking weak😔
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self.SuicideWatch
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Why is there an empty hole that cannot be filled [deleted]
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self.depression
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Sunsets make me feel weird? Ever since I was a kid sunsets have always given me a strange feeling. I can't tell if it's good or bad, it seems completely neutral and very hard to explain. It feels familier and safe but also scary and wrong, like something bad is about to happen. I didn't motice it for years but it's come back very strongly within the last few months. I have suffered with anxiety all my life but I only really have good memories regarding sunsets. I also suffered depersonalisation for almost two years, which recently went away in November, and since then the feeling has reappeared. I still dissociate, usually derealisation.
Does anyone else get this feeling with anything?
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self.Anxiety
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I always see things from a depressive perspective When I’m watching a film or anything, and something fucked up happens to a person, I think: ‘Wow that person must be considering suicide’ ‘Why hasn’t him/her commited suicide already?’
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self.depression
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Can find something I can do 24/7 ?!?!?!? Help please So this is causes a bit of anxiety for me I've been thinking about what I want to do for a career but I can decide same with my hobbies I have a ton of different hobbies like woodworking metal working plant medicine hunting fishing trapping hiking camping gardening foraging homesteading video games art you name I've thought of doing it or are doing it and it's starting to stress me out any ideas of what to do ???
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self.Anxiety
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I've been feeling better but I feel like if I had the choice, I would still choose to don't exist I've been on therapy and taking meds (Lexapro 10 mg). I've been having less mood swings, it's easier to sleep and I don't have crying breakdowns anymore. Still, when I think about death or not existing anymore, it seems like such a comforting thought, like a relief from all my pain and fears - even thought it's been less hard to deal with them, it's still hard. I don't think about it all the time, but when I do, the idea of no existence feels very tempting. When I wake up, I always ended up sleeping again or just staying more in bed. Even if I get out of bed and have an ok day and all, I still hesitate to do so, because hiding from the world in my bed feels like the best choice as a first thought, when I have just waken up.
But it's still a better place than I was before, so I guess I've got that going for me. Better than nothing.
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self.depression
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first symptoms? Does anyone else have trouble figuring out when their symptoms first came on? I know (for men at least), BP tends to present in the 15-25 range (and worsen into the mid/late-20s), and I was for sure having manic episodes by 16 and delusions by 17 or 18 (hard to tell due to substance abuse problems at the time), but I sometimes wonder about earlier stuff: was it a symptom, or just some nonsense that resembles a symptom? I know I had behavioral issues severe enough to get me into treatment by 13 (although I didn't get the BP diagnosis until 24), and I know I *reported* hallucinations as young as 15 (but I don't remember when I first had them). I know as a child I had what in an adult would be classified as paranoid delusions--I used to think if I didn't draw stars in the fog inside my shower in a certain order, the water coming out of the showerhead would be replaced by ants--but in a 10 or 11 year old might just be normal? I know that by 16ish I knew--very privately and in a way I really tried to run from for a long time--that there was something wrong with me that I thought I should hide from people.
When did you all start to notice symptoms? Do you ever wonder about stuff from really early life?
EDIT: It's so odd that everyone who has commented before is placing onset some time between childhood and ~puberty. Same for me, but it makes me wonder why all the lit says symptom onset *starts* at 15 at the outside earliest except in very rare cases. Maybe it's just what tends to be reported as a start date of a definitely identifiable episode by the time you get to diagnosis (which is on average something like 25-30?)
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self.bipolar
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I hate my new job I'm not exaggerating, when I say it makes me want to put a bullet in my head. I dread every single day I go in.
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self.depression
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Other than The Samaritans, what other online resources are there? [removed]
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self.SuicideWatch
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someone convince me to finally kms i’ve been pretty miserable for years since like 7th grade i’ve wanted to kms and tried once and now i’m a freshman in college and i’m even worse. can someone finally humiliate me enough to just do it
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self.SuicideWatch
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I just had a major panic attack And I had nobody to call or anything. I can barely even type on my phone right now
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self.depression
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I think about doing it a lot I'm not going to go into detail on my life story. Same old stuff. Dysfunction, poverty, and abuse, etc etc.
Long story short, I just graduated college. I got a full time job almost immediately, which was absolutely just sheer luck.
Thing is, I've been passively suicidal (if that's a thing) for years. Pretty much since I was in high school. When I was 17 I almost ate my dad's shotty. I don't know why I pussied out, but I did. Since then, I haven't tried actively, but it's always there in the back of my mind.
I think about it almost constantly. I could jump off a roof - I've got roof access to a four story building, but I might survive as a cripple. I could steal a gun from my brother. When I'm driving, i think almost incessantly about just unbuckling my belt and yanking the fucking wheel.
A couple of times I considered suicide by cop, but I don't want to actually hurt anyone else, so that's too risky. I infrequently self-harm by cutting, but I'm too squeamish to cut my wrists.
To make it worse, I can't stop fucking depersonalizing. It's probably because I can't sleep, but I don't feel real anymore. I feel like I'm a shitty bit character in my own life story, and I can't control the script.
I have friends, but nobody I'm close to except my older brother, and he's leaving for the police academy next week. Everybody else just thinks of me as a burden. I wish that was just self-pity - they've told me that before, just not in so many words. And now I'm homeless, and taking people's charity just makes me feel worse.
I'm not saying this as a cry for help, despite what my username suggests. I'm just so fucking tired, and I want to get my thoughts out for once instead of just sitting on them and wishing I could muster up the sack for once in my fucking life.
I know I'm not worthless, but I do know that I'm a bad person who has a lot to be ashamed of and a lot to answer for, and I know that I'm just a hindrance to people.
I don't think there's any help out there for me. I think it's only a matter of time before I finally reach the breaking point.
Whatever. I gotta go to work.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Made it another year! My birthday just ended and I’m crying because I can’t believe I’ve made it another year, didn’t expect any of the last few to ever happen.
Here’s to everyone out there who’s made it another year, another month, another day, another hour more than they thought they would.
We’re still here, we’re still going, and just maybe we’re gonna make it.
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self.bipolar
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Post partum anxiety - ranting... Anyone else develop anxiety or did their anxiety get worse after they have a child?
I never had any issues after my first child but now with my second it feels out out control.
My brain does not stop. I can't sleep. I'm always tired. I will overthink every little detail too the point that I get so overwhelmed I snap. I'm a lunatic one second, crying the next, then overcome with guilt, then back to rage.
I love my kids and my fiance but it's like I'm slowly going crazy, spinning out of control, like I'm trapped and I can't breathe.
I've went to a counselor and that only helped for awhile. I can't afford to keep going, I try to make time to calm myself but that's impossible when you have kids....
Tell me I'm not alone here...
Ever. Single. Day...
Wake up to crying baby
Get other child up
Get dressed
Get them dressed
Breakfast
Pack lunch
Clean kitchen
Off to daycare/ school
Work 45 hours (customer service dealing with idiots all day long )
Come home cook supper
Clean kitchen
5 seconds to play
Bath
Bedtime
Laundry
Tidy house
Try and Pay bills from minimum wage job...
Make lunch for hubs to be (shift work mostly nights)
Work our asses off to live check to check.
Meanwhile running on about 5 hours of broken sleep.
Repeat repeat repeat.... that's just the tip of the bullshit......
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self.Anxiety
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My hesitation and general incompetence caused me to lose my chance with my crush [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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There is a reason I gave myself a new personality. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Tired of trying (rant) I’m too scared to actually kill myself and talking to people actually won’t help I’ve tried it and I’m always getting the same bullshit from them
I just want to be alone where I’m away from everyone I know I honestly drive myself insane because of how shitty I feel I can’t stand being 17 no one takes me seriously
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self.SuicideWatch
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It is impossible for me to "relax" For a long time now i've had thoughts of whether i've been suffering from anxiety or not. My heart almost always feels like it's "Fired up" and beating unnaturally fast. It's impossible for me to just sit back and relax and this feeling usually stems from the thoughts that come forth whenever i try to.
For example, if i come home from the gym or school, i sit down at my computer browsing youtube/reddit/twitter and space out, thinking about the day. Just thinking of a social interaction that i've had during the day makes the raging lump in my heart feel worse and worse.
I have tried to talk to multiple therapists about this, however it didn't provide me with anything that helps in the long term.
If anyone reading this is suffering from anxiety or is having similiar symptoms to me, Feel free to send me a message if you need to talk or if you have any tips on how to make it a little easier to cope with. <3
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self.depression
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I cheated to a MUCH larger extent than anybody knows I don't feel bad. She's being really fucking gross now. I hope she catches something
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self.offmychest
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Depression is the worst Seriously though. All I can think about is how worthless I am. And how hopeless my life is. And how I have been single for 8 years and will continue to be for the rest of my life. Because I am too sick to have a healthy relationship. Because I wouldn't want to put anyone through what I deal with. And it's too hard to trust anyone. Everything just feels DARK today. So so dark. End of rant.
edit: spelling
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self.bipolar
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What do you guys do when you know you’re going to be depressed? At the end of October, my estranged mother crashed back into my life when she came up to visit my sister. We’ve been on very low contact after a few years of no contact and then she came to town very, very sick. My sister and I had to bring her to the hospital where she was certified for a month with an official diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder. I helped her get into a halfway house and outpatient program, but I still have a lot of anger towards her for how she treated me when I was growing up and it’s all being stirred up again now that she’s back in my city and on the edges of (and maybe partially in) my life again
.
At the same time, I just started a new job in an entirely new field (finished my probation on Wednesday, so they’re stuck with me now,) and had started taking university classes again. I knew when we brought my mom to the hospital that things were going to get bad for me and I tried to plan ahead by setting a schedule for work/studies/friends/life and acknowledging that things were going to be rough with my boyfriend. I let my manager at work know what was going on and she’s been great. Buuuut, now Christmas is here and it’s never been a good time for me and I’m irritable and weepy and having trouble concentrating and I have zero cope left in the bank. To add insult to injury, I got hit with an awful head cold two weeks ago and it helped sink my mood even further. I knew in advance that this was going to suck and tried to mitigate it as much as I could, but the stress is ongoing and I’m very depressed right now. I cried almost the entire drive to work today, snuck out of the company Christmas party early, and then cried most of the way home too.
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I’m at a loss on what else I can do to get through this. What do you guys do when you can see it coming? How do you manage?
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self.bipolar
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A lost Gemini Funny how one can be the most inspirational, happy person to others, and then one day feel like there’s nothing left to offer.
Im always told how wonderful and beautiful I am and it’s makes me angry now. I find joy in the thought of giving up and starting over. I’m not sure what happens when one decides to die but it would feel better than having to feel so trapped in skin I can’t escape from.
I’ve lost everything..most of all myself. Anger and sadness have taken over every inch of my nerves and I want those feelings gone. It’s been a year feeling like this life is a huge mistake. Like every moment has been wasted and there’s no time I can get back or fix.
Today..endless sleep is all that I can think about and I find so much peace knowing I can follow through with SOMETHING now. So this is no longer a cry for help, it’s a request for understanding and a wishful goodnight.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Im jealous of everyone who is dating Thats right. im jealous of them. why you ask? because thy have achieved something that i have longed for my whole life and it pisses me off. What is it that i long for? Love. i am a lonely guy who spends his time dreaming and wishing someone would love him back and share the love and affection that i want to give to a special girl that i can call my lover.
i want to have that. i want to find a special girl. but no. no matter how much i try, no matter how nice i am to girls when i try to get to know them, i always end up getting rejected. i dont understand why. i am not crazy or creepy. i dont understand why and it has had an impact on my self esteem because now i believe that i will never find love or be loved by any special girl... i just want to find love and love someone dearly with all my heart... im tired of being lonely... i dont want to be lonely anymore... i dont want to....
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self.offmychest
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Just see a black hole in place of a future I feel like i shouldve just ended my life a while ago. I feel like ive wasted so much time trying to progress, when there is nothing for me to progress into. Im now over 7 months pregnant with a child from a man i adore but doesnt love me. He uses me, and the most i get is half smiles and touches out of pity. He fucks me when he wants, and then goes right back to being happy ignoring me. And i let him. I dont think i know how to be useful or desirable. I think my main purpose is to be used because even before him, its all ive ever had out of any relationship. Romantic or otherwise. Everyone has a role to play, i think there is some relief in finding out what mine is, yet how can i be happy knowing im little more than a toy. A temporary thing for others. I shouldnt have kept this baby. I dont have any family, I dont have anywhere to turn to for help but him. I shouldve ended my life a long time ago rather than bring a beautiful innocent little girl into this shit show. Im so sorry my daughter, you dont deserve this.
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self.depression
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It's crazy how something as simple as putting your hood up can decrease social anxiety It's like we hide ourselves and feel a sense of relief when in reality it's not changing anything. It makes me think that some things are just in our head
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self.Anxiety
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What's the point of life? If I stay alive I will be unhappy and it will get worst and worst. If I kill myself I will go to hell. I fucking hate this world , this life, this universe and I just want to end myself. but no. NO I CAN'T because of this stupid bullshit. It's a jail and no matter what I do it's the wrong choice.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Best friend/Grandfather has cancer. Stage four melanoma, now spreading into his brain. He already has slight dementia, and soon his meds for that won’t work anymore.
He’ll soon forget his times working as an engineer for NASA, sending Apollo 11 to the moon, falling in love with my Nana, exploring the world with her and learning 5 different languages, having a son (my dad), watching him grow up and marry my mom, and his two granddaughters and basically raising us. He’ll have to get moved into assisted living, which I know he jokes about all the time now, but soon he won’t be able to remember how to make such puns and jokes about his pain. He’ll forget how every Friday after school when I was in elementary, we went to get french onion soup & crème brûlées at our favorite french cafe, and he would share his love of engineering and inventions, then simultaneously share his passions of art and classical music and how Vincent Van Gogh is basically a god. He’ll just become another old man who needs someone to help him shower and use the restroom and be dependent, when he is literally the most independent, stubborn, and amazing human ever that should not be turning out this way.
He has about 3 months left and I don’t know how to accept this, because my life has never been without him and Grandad is my best friend. I see him twice a week and have coffee, his favorite from Starbucks, and read the newspaper and he rants about trump, and I laugh at our political jokes and his quick-witted humor. I don’t know whether to stop seeing him so often, I’m so scared of what’s going to happen when the time I see him with our regular coffee and he just doesn’t remember who I am.
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self.offmychest
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Need help with my suicidal mother Hey guys! So my mom hasn't been doing too well for the past couple of years and seems to be walking down the path toward another suicide attempt, but helping her is kind of a tough situation and I'm at a loss of what my next options are, so I was hoping someone would have some advice!
My mom's story is very long and elaborate, but I'll try to sum it up. She was diagnosed with fibromyaliga and bipolar disorder in 2000. She didn't have the best doctors, so she wound up on 14 different medications to try and treat her. She was getting by alright with that for 12 years, but she and my dad fought a lot (mostly verbal, with one incident where she cornered him and he pushed her into a door). She also fought a lot with her mom, with whom she has had a really rough relationship with since she was a child. So when I was in high school, she really started to lean on me for support since most of her issues were with her mom and my dad. She does have another daughter but she distanced herself from our mom a couple years ago, so let's basically consider me her "only child" in this situation. She also slowly lost all her friends (due to some of the social reasons I'll describe later on).
Since I was her only real support system, it really hit her hard when I moved 3+ hours away for school. She and my dad fought more, and the spring semester of my freshman year she tried to OD. She was unsuccessful and was institutionalized for a while, then released. The following year she became much more motivated and seemed to be picking her life back up, but for the past two or three years it's been a sad decline.
I can see her mental health spiraling downward. Not just in a will-to-live kind of way, but in a paranoid/dissociated kind of way. She claims that everyone around her is psychopathic/narcissistic/bipolar. Her primary target for this has become my dad. It's gotten to the point where every conversation reverts back to the terrible things my dad does and says to her (very few of these claims are elaborated on and the ones that are seem to be able to be chalked up to my dad being frustrated at constantly being called a psychopath/narcissist/crazy person). Since my dad's "mental illness" became the only thing she could talk about, and since she won't/can't leave him, she lost all her friends. They became too frustrated with her always complaining and never acting to change her situation. She doesn't trust anyone anymore, either. I am the sole person that she trusts, and even then I think she has a degree of skepticism towards me. She doesn't trust her doctors, so asking her to talk to her doctor about how she's been feeling yields no results. She doesn't trust the police or government workers or hospital workers. She certainly wouldn't trust anyone if I asked her to voluntarily admit herself. Her response would be somewhere along the lines of, "I'M not the crazy one, YOUR FATHER is the crazy one, HE is the one that should be locked up!" Now, I'm not trying to discredit what she says, and I really don't want to be just another person that's writing off her claims as her being "crazy," but I've seen the way my dad interacts with her and I really don't think that her claims are substantial.
She does have good and bad days, like everyone does. But the bad days, aka the days where she sends me messages telling me that she's sorry she couldn't live to meet her grandkids or see me get married and then goes offline, are happening more and more frequently and it's getting to the point where I can't handle being solely responsible for her. I'm not local and I'm not a doctor.
So here's the other kicker - she and my dad are in an awful financial situation. They're both terrible with money. If I were to take a guess, I'd say that they probably have at least $250,000 in debt and essentially no way to pay it off. So any options that cost any sort of money are almost automatically ruled out.
What can I do to help her or get her some kind of professional help? I've suggested going to a women's shelter, which is a no go. She wants to come live with me, which is a no go for a lot of reasons. I don't think she can go to a hospital because of the money. She doesn't trust her doctor. She doesn't trust my dad or her mom (and her dad passed a long time ago). I'm at such a loss at this point.
I'm sorry if this wasn't the best place to make this post, and I'm sorry this turned into such a long story. It was very therapeutic to write it out though. There's a lot more to her condition, which I'll elaborate on if it's relevant to any suggestions.
You guys are a wonderful group <3 thanks for doing what you do
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self.SuicideWatch
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I hate speaking in class I never feel as if I've properly contributed to any discussion or question I've answered. My profs always seem to be like, "Weeell, maybe, I guess?" to my answers, so I always feel like I'm wrong and it embarrasses me even though it's not their intention? And I'm not the only one that answers with bad answers sometimes, but I still feel like I suddenly have a spotlight on my head for the rest of the class and that everyone must think I'm stupid.
And then those thoughts ruminate throughout the rest of the day and sometimes weeks and I don't know how to get out of those thoughts? Even if I acknowledge them and I feel through the anxiety, it's still there and it doesn't go away.
How do you guys deal with these situations? I'd be open to any tips y'all could give me.
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self.Anxiety
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Having a minor depression freakout I'm posting here because I feel like my life is purgatory and nothing I do will ever change that.
Before I accepted myself as gay, I fantasized about gay porn and connected with it on some level, thinking "if I was ever bad and gave into this, worked out etc, that could be me." Well I'm openly gay now, but waited too long I guess.
So many people and resources will try to help you come out. But nobody cares about the "after" part. They all just leave you to "figure it out."
My self esteem is already low, but no one cares about that. I get virtually no affection, encouragement, or quite frankly meaningful attention on a regular basis, and no I can't buy a pet in my apt.
I don't fantasize about sex anymore. I can't have any of that because I have body issues that I can't seem to shake. It's just this world of guys that I'll never measure up to, never look like, never be considered an equal. I look significantly older than I am, and no fucking haircut or clothes will give me my hair back.
Every image of every gay guy who's considered hot has a full head of hair, or they're totally bald and look like an older "daddy". Well, there's no way I can present as in my late 20's as I am then.
Everything feels like a performance. I must have missed something seemingly everyone else got. I have no idea how other people are so secure in themselves because i have to act like I am just so others don't perceive me as a drain. I feel like I was often ignored by my parents, nothing special in any group I was ever in, and now?
It seems like there's nothing I can do to fix it all because no matter what I do, I'll still be me.
And anytime I attempt to fantasize about gay sex it just reminds me of all the experiences I've never had or will have because... I'm me. No matter what I do, I'm just a white bread, boring piece of shit. I'm not cool. I've never been cool. People have always told me I'm nice, but I never know where I actually stand with them. Because they never seek me out to include me in anything, but they never seem like they're put off by me.
It's just this purgatory. It feels like I'm not allowed to be sexual or think of myself as sexy, in this case the directive is coming from gays, not Christians. Gay guys tell me about their experiences and all I can think is "man that would be nice." Almost invariably, I've never had experiences close to theirs, and my story is just boring and safe and ultimately sad. It feels like you have to be cavalier about sex, but I have a lot of issues. I just want to feel like someone who's good for me genuinely wants me, sexually, personally, everything. Instead meeting guys always feels like this game of who wants the other less, leaving need feeling perplexed as to how I'm supposed to date for a relationship or enjoy casual sex. Gay guys often shit talk Grindr and casual sex leading you to believe those things are beneath them, while they are actually still engaging in both.
It feels like you either have to say you're such hot shit that you don't, and therefore everyone else doesn't, need hookup apps to have great sex (assuming you're single), or that you're so cavalier about sex that you're this cavalier person who doesn't want approval from others and uses hookup apps and has sex with people without getting attached of course, or you're a prude who looks down on others for having casual sex and striving for anything less than a (boring uninspired) heteronormative lifestyle.
Just... each of them suck and I feel like I don't have an option that makes me feel good about myself, especially since people only talk to me if I either hide my dwindling hair or mention what I do for a living. It leaves me feeling like no one's really attracted to me as I am without any tricks, but that they do want my wallet.
I just feel like an absolute piece of shit. Like, because I want to make a better world, I'll have to continue being present and saying nice things to gay guys when they tell me stuff about themselves, knowing that I have no such stories, and have no likely path that would get me such stories, but have to continually endure people who have no idea that they're effectively rubbing it in my face, making me feel like shit.
My life isn't awful. I'm just not good enough for any of the stuff that supposedly happens to every gay man, and because I was the best little Christian I could be for so long, now it's hopeless. Nobody wants me. I don't want me. People only want me in the safest, most boring family friendly ways. That's it. Otherwise I'm just chopped liver.
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self.depression
|
Why Bloody Bother Anymore? Sure, I have a family, but we are poorer than dirt, and I don't have much in common with my siblings, who are either too young, shut ins, or cannot communicate that well due to autism. Outside of them, I have NO ONE. Whenever I try to make friends, I always end up as the odd man out, the sore thumb, the one whom everyone ignores no matter what he does. Even in my dorm always leaves the common area or doesn't talk whenever I am in there, but as soon as I leave, then they start talking loud to where I can hear them with my door shut. I have no one, and I never will. The few friends I made via facebook, just like my last school, have randomly stopped talking to me, not even reading my facebook messages while clearly being online. I thought going to a new school would allow me to finally find friends, but no, God has decided I should die alone, without any friends with whom I can be IRL, or a significant lover. Might as well end it while I still have my youth so I can end my life on a relatively high note. My family will get over me and be better off without me, anyway.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'd like to start paying for cuddling Don't downvote I just need to get this off my chest.
I am single since forever. I cuddling. I noticed few girls online who offer cuddling services. The going rate is around 100 dollars per hour. I can pay. I feel awkward. What are we going to talk about??? I'd love to pay for a coffee date. Come with me to the coffee shop on a Saturday morning and cuddle up to me while having breakfast and coffee. I wish :)
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self.offmychest
|
I dont know how to help someone dealing with a family death [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Self-Care Sunday, Post Your Plans! Welcome to Self-Care Sunday! Post your plans for self-care in the comments. I'll post mine there as well.
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self.bipolar
|
Does anyone else get freaked out when you get pains in your head? I have always been this way. Right now, I am experiencing some pain on the right side of my head. Not really like a headache, but kind of a pulsating pain. Anytime something like this happens, I think I'm about to burst an aneurysm or something. I wish I wouldn't jump to the worst possible conclusions.
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self.Anxiety
|
I thought it would be easier Ive sought advice many times, hoping to escape a room of darkness, ive tried to be positive , listening to people , living for others theory. The dark reality is the emptiness within me is winning this battle, each day a part of me is fading away, the new hobbies are a temporary distraction from the dark reality, I am empty within. Fellow friends will it get better? What are we truly living for? It seems like its spiralling further down, hopes are clinging onto a thin piece of rope, ready to snap. Please tell me it will get better? Please share your happy memories to bring a smile to my face. Please give me hope that it would change. Godbless and happy holidays
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self.depression
|
I can't find a job that I feel is enjoyable. I'm told that "that's just life, everyone hates their job" or that "it's work, it's not supposed to be enjoyable"
I strongly disagree with this. I'm not expecting it to be sunshine and rainbows. Or even a walk in the park. I just want something that I feel is worth doing. Something that provides more of a reward than just a paycheck after dealing with everyone's bullshit for 2 weeks.
I want something interesting. Something that I find enjoyable enough to keep my attention and to keep me motivated.
I've had a LOT of different jobs. A lot of them were me being let go due to lack of motivation and drive. I struggle with severe depression, and can never seem to be in a position where I can get continuous help. (Due to being fired and losing benefits)
Maybe I'm wrong? Maybe it's just widely accepted that work should make you unhappy and miserable, regardless of salary? I can't help but compare myself to everyone else that seems to be able to find enjoyment, or tolerance for their position. Why can they do it so easy?
I can't remember the last time I was excited to leave for work, or came home and was able to say "Today was a good /great day!"
Can't remember the last time I woke up happy to be alive either.
I cant accept that this is just how life is. That isn't a life worth living, at least for me. I can't speak for others.
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self.offmychest
|
Baby on the train A couple seats in front of me a baby was laying in a pram. The baby kept looking at me and reacted to things I did. I made the baby laugh/smile a couple of times. But suddenly while I was interacting with the baby it started shaking its head like crazy, it almost looked like headbanging. The mom (who was sitting in front of the baby and couldn't see me) saw the baby headbanging. And somehow she supected that someone made the baby do it, so she turned herself over towards me. And we made a realy akward eye-contact. I somehow felt a bit guilty because of the angry look of the mom.
But I guess I shouldn't feel guilty? I mean it is not that I made the baby do that on purpose.
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self.offmychest
|
Fuck your thoughts and fuck your prayers. Three times in my lifetime, I've seen the headline "deadliest shooting in American history"; I'm a freshman in college. At this rate, by the time I graduate, I'll likely have seen it a few more. Every time this happens, every time so many people die in places that are supposed to be happy, places that are supposed to be peaceful, places of worship and learning and places where they went to have fun and be themselves, I wonder when it will stop. I walk in the shadow of the tower that the 8th deadliest shooting took place from every day; I lay on the lawn in front of it and I wonder, where next? I think of my friends in college towns across the state and I wonder, where next? I think of my little sister in her first grade class and I wonder, where next? How soon will the thoughts and prayers and media coverage cease? How soon will we forget? How soon before we can bury our fucking heads in the sand until next time?
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self.offmychest
|
Expressing myself for the first time. It's hard. Everyday is just another day where I behave a certain way and act a certain way that doesn't reflect my thoughts and I feel lethargic and sad all the fucking time. I feel lifeless and empty as a human being who has not personality or passion. When people talk to me I just want to walk away and go back to bed and never get up; I just don't have any interest or care for anything... I know I have to study and become successful for myself as my parents have promoted me to do so, but I just wanna fall asleep forever (not in a suicidal way, I understand the value of life). It feels like all my life this feeling has loomed over me and through socialization have I learnt to hide it and act normal and carefree but I'm hurt on the inside and at times I've been on the edge of just breaking down, but it's hard to actually express myself and dare to break the boundaries of my pre-set day-to-day behaviour, which has led to be being very anxious and having the sweats all the damn time. The past few years have been especially hard where I questioned everything I have ever done and that has led me to come in contact with my true self: an emotionless robot. I can only hope that all of that is just my depression making it out to be worse than it is and that the real reason why I'm depressed is something that a therapist can tell me. I've talked about just recently to my father and I'm starting to get help but I just don't know. When I reflect back on my life I can't find any memories or any moments that stand out positively, everything just seems a blur, especially my early childhood. I hate myself so much for being so weak and useless and I feel as if I've betrayed my parents who worked so hard to get me in a safe learning environment so that I can have the future they didn't have. I feel like I don't have any friends as the people I do call friends are those who have become so with the carefree and happy fake me. I haven't connected with someone on a proper emotional level, at least from what I can remember, and this prevents me from forming proper friendships or relationships. I can hardly socialize and interact with others properly now. All I can see is that I'm a failure as a human and a waste of space, when in the past I had tried and succeeded, I had not true happiness within me. I hope to recover and begin to form myself as a proper human being and make my parents proud, but most of all, I just want to be happy. Sorry for the terribly long paragraph, but it is my first time saying these things and it feels easier to do so over a screen than to a person.
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self.depression
|
Should I confront my friends about this? Hey. First time poster here. I've had anxiety disorder for most of my life, but through the help of therapists and self growth I've managed to keep in under very good control. None of my friends know about my anxiety.
On New Year's Eve I had a party at my house. I was logged on to my Facebook on the computer where we had music running, and at around 8 some of my friends decided to "face rape" me, making a status which made me seem like I was completely shit-faced (basically Hpft Nww Yaerr). Facebook has given me a lot of anxiety over all so I never use it nowadays, and was only logged in because I wanted to log in to my Spotify account (connected to my Facebook). This post naturally blew up, with a lot of my Facebook friends commenting things like "Jesus Christ it's only 8 pm" and "someone's had a little too much to drink?". Since I don't use Facebook anymore I don't have the app and didn't see the status until the day after. This has given me a wave of anxiety and I don't know how to deal with it. I really want to confront my friends because this is just not okay, these are some of my closest friends, that I feel I should be able to trust, and this really screwed me up. Do you guys have any tips on how to talk to them about this?
Tldr: friends "face-raped" me at new year's eve, it spurred my anxiety and I want to confront them about it.
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self.Anxiety
|
Something to try reading Lately I've been thinking a lot, "All I seem to do is suffer. Surely the meaning of life can't be to suffer?" Then when I was at Indigo (perusing the self-help section as usual) I spotted a book called "You Were Not Born to Suffer" by Blake Bauer. The title seemed fitting so I bought it. It's really been helping me release some shit. Now I'm not as severely depressed as some and I realize some people aren't able to pick up a book (been there) but maybe this read could help someone else.
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self.depression
|
Extremely scared and confused after psychiatrist Hello, after years and years of fighting anxiety I finally managed to see a psychiatrist and he told me to take Fluanxol 0.5mg three times daily swallowing half the pill so 0.25mg x3
BUT the mistake I made was to read more about it and its side effects and now I refuse to take it just because of that.. please tell me if you took it and how you felt :(
Edit: The next thing that I worry about is that if any sides hit me, I would probably think they won’t pass (for example the extreme heartbeat and arrhythmia) so I would probably have a panic attack and thats far from the point I take it for lol
Which leads me to the thought: if I feel kinda bad, shall I just lay down and pray it passes quickly or go to a doc immediately?
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self.Anxiety
|
Video interview today And the anxiety is sky freaking high, it honestly feels like a heart attack. I really hope I don't mess this up I need the job severely 😓
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self.Anxiety
|
Accepting that I am simply unfit for relationships. Anyone else?
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self.bipolar
|
I just want someone to talk to I shoulder so much all on my own. I can’t talk to anyone about it. I just want to vent, but no one is listening. It’s so frustrating. Always being judged but almost never confronted about anything.
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self.offmychest
|
I'm selling all of my firearms Thanks for taking the time to read this, It's been an interesting ride lately, but funnily enough, I can't determine what triggered it.
I've had a nightmare where I took my shotgun and blasted myself with it. Scared the shit out of me. Couldn't fall asleep.
Telling my folks why I suddenly wanted to sell all $3000 worth of my firearms seemingly overnight was an issue, especially since I put an order through for a $1400 safe.
My mother didn't understand, but she knows about my prior history with depression, so I let her know the truth.
I ended up crying in the bathroom at work. These feelings that are undesirable come rushing all at once. My work is falling behind, my family worried about my sanity, the financial loss...it's a hard pill to swallow.
I don't want to sell my guns, I love my chiappa 1887, but I think it's for the best. Part of being a responsible gun owner is being safe, and while I think I'll not end up doing the worst, the potential that all I have to do to end it all is mere seconds away is enough for me to rid them.
I apologize about the noncooperation rant, it might not make sense, but I need to vent. A place to post, even if no one reads it.
And if you read it to the end. Thanks
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self.depression
|
Experience with Lexapro? I just started taking it for a week and so far I’ve just been really tired and yawning a lot. I heard it causes a lot of weight gain which I don’t want to go through.
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self.depression
|
I just want my mom to die already I know most people are going to read this and be thinking, "OMG, UR A MONSTER!!!1!1!!111!!"
But she's just too brutally abusive, I want her gone forever. I never want to see her ever again. She's done immense amounts of psychological damage to me. I am even considering committing suicide today because of her. I am not seeking attention. Just venting what the fuck is on my mind because I am so scared and alone and have no where to go... I am in my room, sitting against the door because I am worried she might hurt me if I let her in. I am so so so so afraid... I don't want to live anymore...
And if you're going to write some nasty comment telling me to get over that she is my mother and I should love her or whatever, you can fuck right off. Don't bother commenting p, ffs. I am writing this because I am desperate for help and so afraid.
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self.depression
|
Mood Stabilizers and intelligence/memory - which one do you recommend? I've recently been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, specifically type 2. I'm due to start on a mood stabilizer soon, and my psychiatrist and I agreed that we'd go for Lithium. What I've been wondering about lately (quite obsessively actually- I'm really worried) is whether Lithium will destroy my memory, as that seems to be the case for so many on this subreddit. I'm also concerned that it will make me less intelligent, and as I'm a Law student this absolutely terrifies me. In all honesty, my academics are the only thing that have kept me going this far. I have irreparable issues with my family after years of abuse and I'm pretty emotionally distant so although I have friends, none of them are particularly close. Put frankly, I do value my degree over mental stability. I don't want to fall behind.
I'm looking for your experiences with mood stabilizers and the effect they've had on you. Did you try Lithium? What was it like? I'm also thinking of gong for Lamotrigine, but I'm happy to hear people's experiences on other medications.
How did your meds affect your intellect, focus, ability to recall information, remember details and function overall?
TL;DR- I'm due to start on Lithium soon. Worried that it will affect my mental ability and memory- I'm a Law student and don't want to fall behind. Do you have any experiences with Lithium or other mood stabilizers? How did they affect your intelligence/memory/ability to recall detail and focus?
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self.bipolar
|
Tired of smiling. Bare with me, this is the first time I've actually posted something like this. The anonymity of Reddit and seeing those whom have been posting here has given me a bit of courage.
I'm 27 and I am lost to say the least. I can't seem to find anyone whom can relate.
My childhood wasn't the greatest, from child abuse and so on. I was diagnosed with a disease at 16 that has put me in the hospital more than 20 times. I've almost died from it. The medications has deteriorated my body to the age of 60. Doctors warned me about it and it's now catching up with me and the day to day pain is unbearable. This disease has ruined alot of things in my life and is linked to RA and lupus, which is rare. So I guess I am a rarity? Dealing with bipolar disorder, and also PTSD from the loss of a child and underlying past events. A husband with 0 empathy and family whom are the same.
I now have a beautiful daughter, but it's hard. She is literally the only thing keeping me alive right now.
I'm tired of going to the hospital, doctor appointments, taking meds and getting injections.
I put a smile on my face and act like everything is normal and go out of my way to make others feel better. No one would ever guess how much I battle everyday. They see me as a strong willed person, and alot of people look up to me.
In reality I'm hurting physically and mentally. In reality I'm lost.
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self.offmychest
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Anxiety and Romantic Feelings I wanna understand better how anxiety affects the way people like people - I feel like I hear certain things mentioned a lot, but not everyone feels all the same things. I wanted to compile a kind of list, just to get a better sense of what things might be possibilities:
1. Putting the person on a pedestal - they're too cool, they'll never return your feelings, why even try when they'll just reject you, etc
2. Judging the person somewhat negatively - are they good enough for me? Maybe there's something wrong with them, if they like me? Is (thing they do) a deal-breaker? They don't seem good enough for me to go after or be in a relationship with, etc
3. Random days of apathy, where you know you used to like the person, but suddenly don't (I've read some people say that on days like this, they find they also can't really feel warm emotions towards family members. Can it happen where you only lose feelings for the one person?)
4. Liking them but not wanting to go anywhere with it (fear of commitment I guess?) because relationships can be a big source of anxiety
5. [A] Being very anxious around the person at first, worrying about a good first impression and all, but gradually getting more comfortable as you get to know them VS [B] Being initially fine around the person, but getting progressively more anxious as things go well and you have more and more to lose
6. Scared of developing feelings in the first place and making things awkward in an otherwise okay platonic relationship (ty u/vaaaare)
7. Fear of taking it "too slow", and their feelings fade or move to someone else (ty r/WhateverThrowaway26)
---
Do you guys feel these things? Are there other common things that I'm missing? Do you feel some of these, but differently from how it's written?
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self.Anxiety
|
3 reasons I won't cut myself tonight 1) I know I will regret it tomorrow
2) It is unhealthy & self-destructive
3) I want to wear shorts this summer & my scars have already become less & less noticeable everyday so I don't want to ruin it
Damn do I feel shitty, though. I feel alone & frustrated & I'm just tired of the fact that stability is not my natural state of being. I can't take the whiplash. It's exhausting. I hate this shit. I don't want to live like this.
Like I said, though. I will not cut myself tonight. & I am going to do my very best to stand by that.
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self.bipolar
|
Got my driving test tomorrow and holy shit I’m nervous. Yea pretty much as the title says I’ve got my driving test 1st time tomorrow and I’m really fucking nervous, bordering on an anxiety attack.
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self.Anxiety
|
I fold I posted here maybe an hour ago, with the intention to try and get help. Input, validation, or anything that could make me come to terms with the fact that I'm not alone. After looking through the sub a little, I feel alone, more so than before. I think I've come to terms with the fact that I will not improve. Nothing feels real, I've not lead a normal life in years and I never will. I will not be happy. I cannot live this way, and I don't want to. I'm only 19, I've barely lived. Why am I driven to the edge, exhausted and alone? How can I rest and leave this behind without hurting people? How can I move on without hurting my family and the few that might care about me? I don't want to be here, and the only thing stopping me is the fear that I'll hurt someone in the process. I don't want anyone to be left with the pain of losing someone because of me. I wish this were easier.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Once poor always poor? Will i be always poor if i'm poor? Yes? Or is it possible to escape? How? What if i can't get an good education? So i would always be an unskilled low paid worker? If i can't escape poverty should i just kill myself or are there options to escape poverty? Because being poor isn't fun. You will always be barely able to survive but can't afford much more.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I've failed my life as a man, why not just kill myself? I'm about to graduate college a virgin at the age of 26.
I've failed the very basic thing that a man is supposed to be able to do, and I failed at it trying my best.
Ive been spending most of my past couple weeks in my room binging on amateur porn trying to pretend like I know how that feels but it's not really working anymore, the couple hours of calm and serenity that gave me are now shorter and shorter and no longer helping
The rest of life is surely downhill from here, so why shouldn't I just off myself?
I've been researching ways to do it and I think I'm going to use the exitbag method, just need to figure out what gas to use.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Future Seems Sad? Hi Reddit. I (19F) am feeling a little down. I was suppose to be in college for Mech Eng (Building Sciences) but there was a strike and my first semester is ruined. I am considering transfering to a university for a better education but theres many problems.
The first is I come from an incredibly poor family. Im not really able to pay for university and I feel bad dumping this on my parents since we struggle to survive. Im worried if I change schools they will feel sad but also be stressed with having to think about all this money we now need.
The second is Im not qualififed for anything. My grades are kinda poor and I in every program I check Im missing one prerequisite. I can go to high school again but I feel embarassed and like I wasted too much time. I feel silly conaidering I already took a year off. I dont want to be two years behind..
Lastly I just dont know what to do.. I want to make money to support my family but I cant do that. My best bet is to go into science or math but like theres so many things I need and I dont know if I can handle it. Im worried.
I feel pretty crappy but if I dont think about it Im okay. I just know I have to grow up, and I jave to acknowlage my fears but Ive already dug a hole this far. I feel like I cant get out and if I do I mihht be somewhere I dont like. What should I do? I dont know if Im depressed but I dont feel happy about this. I just want third party advice. Thank you.
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self.depression
|
Total barely functional disaster to fine in in the same day I don't know what to make of it. I was so depressed, tired, wanted to give up trying to do my job (teacher) couldn't cope with anything around me all morning. Then after lunch I was mostly ok. What the hell. I've never had this before, not to such an EXTREME. I went from like a 2 to an 8 in terms of functionality. I'm not hypo right now. Is this mixed? I recently upped my latuda and wellbutrin. Could it be the wellbutrin?
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self.bipolar
|
What is the appeal in going further? I already put this on /r/suicidewatch but here are more users so w/e
I am an 18 y/o m living in germany and I am depressed since 2013, suicidal since 2015, on psychiotic treatment since 2016 and on meds since 4 months. Don't see the appeal in living, when I was a kid I did not think about anything regarding life, all I was doing was go to school and play video games, and I was fearing the day that I would be done with school because then I would have to think about what I want to do with my life, and I didn't know the answer to that question because I just do not see the appeal in life. When I was in 10th grade i skipped around 150 lessons because of my depression. At the end, my grades were still good enough to continue in 11th grade (in germany you graduate after 10 classes but if your grades are good enough you can go to school for 3 more years and get a bonus graduation that lets you go to university). So I just did that because my mom wanted me to do so ( that was 2016), but my depression got so bad that I all I could think of in school was of how I could make me jumping from the 3rd floor look like an exident, because of that I started skipping school again and after a rough month I just wanted to drop out because the thoughts were getting worse and worse, so I told my mother about them. After that she took me out of school and went to a psychologist with me. The psychologist always tells me that I should take babysteps to partake in life, then I tell her that I don't see the appeal in life to begin with and all I do is sit in front of my computer and play league of legends / watch streams to kill time. I told her I don't want to kms because that would break my mother's heart and she has already went through enough (my father was killed when I was not even one year old and that broke her), but I also don't want to live and she can't provide me with a satisfying answer, I don't even know how one could look like in this instance, I guess you can't have the cake and also eat it. My mother is very supportive since she only wants me to be happy, the sad part is that I don't know what could make me happy. The other family members that are close to me are my cousin and my grandmother. My cousin tries to help me but she has alot going on with her work and so I rarely see her and also she lacks the knowledge on the topic to help me. And my grandmother is one of those "in the soviet union there was no depression, we had just work! Depression is just a product of the USA enforced through the internet to put everyone on medication", so yeah... Other than family I only have one friend irl, I used to have a couple in school but I almost never hanged out with them outside of class and most of them startet drinking, smoking weed and popping pills a lot so a lost contact to all of them. The one friend that I have irl is a pretty close one actually, I know him since we were in kindergarden (not together, he just was my neighbour, that is were I know him from). We talk regularly and meet occasionally. Most of the time we play league of legends together, that is a shared intrest I guess, but I feel like he is really trying to live his life while I am not, or while I can't, or while I just don't want to, idk what is up with me. I have never talked with him about my mental state, all I did was make jokes about me being depressed / suicidal / socially anxious as a coping mechanism, but I guess I am going to tell him about my situation via sending this thread to him without context. I don't know what to tell more, I feel like this was a bit much and a bit unstructured, took me a couple hours to finally get myself to finish it. Help me please if you can, I would appreciate it because I am pretty helpless at this point since the meds don't really help me that much. If you have a question that might give you the needed information to helping me you can AMA. Have fun.
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self.depression
|
Please tell me I’m not the only one to fail an entire semester of university.... Just recently got diagnosed with ADHD. This is a huge revelation considering I’ve never even THOUGHT about the possibility of that .... like... EVER. I just thought I was extremely fucking lazy and stupid. (And I still don’t think it’s real, I’m just making things up)
I’ve been feeling so dumb lately. I only take 4 courses instead of 5 because I already have an eating disorder and I don’t want to overwhelm myself and then on top of that I failed ALL FOUR COURSES. I mean, to be fair I stopped trying after I did poorly on my midterms back in October.
I just can’t believe I wasted a whole semester lol.
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self.offmychest
|
There’s something wrong with me I don’t know what the fuck it is. I have panic attacks too often, especially around people, even though I’m on medication and see a therapist. I get angry and break things and say things that I regret later. It’s interfering with my job now. I don’t make enough money to take care of my responsibilities and no one can take care of them for me. I could work more hours or find a better job but my anxiety won’t let me. I’ve tried a dozen different medications over the years but nothing works. There are a lot of people who want to help me but they can’t. Nothing works so I have to kill myself. And it’s not just anxiety. There’s something about me that makes me incompatible with reality. It can’t be fixed with medication or therapy so I just need to kill myself. I just can’t cope with reality. I can’t pay bills. Plus I’m trans, and I can’t cope with the fact that I’ll never be what I want to be. I’m going to kill myself because there isn’t any other option. I don’t really care anymore. My life has been so miserable. I’m not going to miss it.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I still don't have my sh*t together and I'm almost 40. I rarely feel like an adult even though there are things I do well like being a dad.
I kind of feel like on many levels I stopped maturing sometime in my early 20's.
I do understand other people and the world I live in more than ever, but I still don't keep my apartment clean and have to borrow money way too often.
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self.depression
|
[Help] My girlfriend is going through depression and it is getting complex Hello Reddit,
first of all, this is going to get complex. Sorry and thanks for taking the time.
She used to be a great friend of mine. We lived 500km away but we talked a lot and she fell in love with me. I wasn´t interested in a relationship with her at the time and told her that I still appreciated her love though because people who love are important to have around.
Some time later a friend of mine fell in love with her and then he tried to date her. They actually had an affair and ended up in a relationship. This (ex-)friend of mine, for some reason, always insulted me and tried to make her hate me by making up bad stuff about me, which she knew it was not true. Still, he was extremely jealous because he knew she was in love with me and got angry everytime we spoke - which is the usual thing to do as friends. He got mad at her several times and pretended to have an asthma attack in front of her (which made her leave the argument) and also hurt himself and threatened with commiting suicide everytime she said it was too much and the relation was getting toxic. That was awful but I didn´t know it. All I knew was that I was always in the middle of their issues because of the guy and I avoided contact with them - I am ashamed of that. No need for excuses.
A year after they started dating, she left him and I started dating her. I learned by then that during her relationship with her he always messed her head to the point she spent a full week without getting out of her room.
While we were dating, for some reason she still wanted to be friends with him and kept on threatening her and even had sex with her twice. Guess what, no consent on her part. She didn´t want to. Of course, I didn´t blame her when I learnt about this.
She stopped attending her lessons. I was helping her with the exams and stuff. Tried to do things with her but was impossible, she felt no impulse to do it. This started to asphixiate me, and I tried to find some time for myself and she thought I was doing wrong. She started to get angry with me very often for every little thing and started blaming her depression on me. She even broke my PS3 and some gifts she made me. I am not proud of this, for obvious reasons, but I gave her a slap and forcefully stopped her from keeping breaking my stuff. I didn´t know how to react. Sometime she just starts shouting at me when something as simple as not finding a proper place for a picture that she wants to make (because of her depression) and after 4 years of relationship I´ve grown pretty tired of it and sometimes I can´t handle it and tell her to stop thinking I want to make everything go wrong and that it is not my fault, that I also wanted to make things with her. But she thinks whenever something goes wrong it is because I didn´t try hard enough. Sometimes this happens in the middle of the night and she even kicks me out of the house with nowhere to go. I don´t know how I am holding it together. When that happens I tell her I won´t go and she gets angrier. But what can I do? Freeze to death in winter in the street?
I told her many times that given her hatred for me I can´t keep up with her, that she needs to seek for help and support from her family. But she refuses. Also, all of her friends ditched her for stupid reasons and she is all alone. I feel all this weight on me, and whenever I am not trying do something with her or handling her anger/depression, I just lay on the sofa, playing videogames, not feeling any passion for my hobbies, try to feel like I achieve some escapism. I don´t need that much help for myself, but for her. The situation is pretty critical. She says she would commit suicide if she wasn´t with me, but at the same time when she is with me she says it is all my fault, that she hates me and that she should take me to the police for that time when I slapped her. I am pretty scared both for her and for me. I find myself in a limbo in which anything I do will feel wrong or I won´t be able to stand it.
I really need help. There is no excuse for the wrong I did. But whenever I try to make things better she just hates me so much she does not enjoy a thing. She thinks it is fake and that I never loved her. I don´t know what to do. Please, if someone has made it this far and has some more questions or advice, it´d be much appreciated. I´d like her to be fine and I really need this to be over. It is messing me up and everytime I say it is also hurting me she tells me to stop making a victim out of myself, that she is the suffering. In a way it is true, but it is really hurting me and I blame it on her when this happens saying that I am trying to help her and that she needs to see it.
Sorry for the long post and thanks to all of those who feel like lending a hand by giving some advice.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I’m happy, but I know it’s not going to last. This past week I’ve sort of come out of my hole that is anxiety and depression but now I’m anxious that it won’t last..... just wanted to type this out
|
self.Anxiety
|
Medication helps, therapy does too, but love? Love is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I’m 21 I’ve had anxiety for a long time, and more recently diagnosed with OCD on top of it. I’ve been in a psychiatric hospital, I’ve been on so many medications I don’t even remember them all, and I’ve been to more therapists than I can count.
This isn’t a pity post. It’s a success post. Yea I’ve found a medication combo that works, and a great therapist, but those don’t even come close to love. 7 months ago I met my girlfriend, and my life changed forever, and anxiety took a seat for once. She’s just, so supportive, I ask her all the time why she puts up with my mental problems, or just me in general. It causes fights, I hate that so much, but she still stays with me. She says every day she loves me. She is unimaginably supportive of me and everything in my life, whether good or bad.
Today is thanksgiving and I’m anxious, as I’m sure most of you are. She’s a few states away for the weekend with family, and I was having a panic attack in the car on my way to dinner. Just the thought that she’s my girlfriend and loves me helped that anxiety go away.
She’s single handily the best thing to ever happen to me and my anxiety. I don’t remember what it was like before we met and I honestly don’t want to. My life is good for once. I’m happy. I’m hopeful. These are all such new feelings to me. She doesn’t realize that her coming into my life and choosing me is the best gift I’ve ever received in my life.
The point of this post is to inspire hope. Hope that you reading this will find your special someone one day. Not just a girlfriend or boyfriend, but your soulmate. If they’re the right one, they’ll give you more than any person or material possession can ever give you, the ability to fight this illness we unfortunately have. That person can make it stop, even if only in temporary moments. It’s the most amazing thing in the world.
Good luck everyone. I hope you find your forever person. They give you the gift of hope, courage, and love. And love is one hell of an SSRI.
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self.Anxiety
|
17f - growing tired hello reddit.
i'm not sure where to start but, lately life has been particularly hard for me. i won't go into specifics in a post, since that feels a little too risky given my situation, but i'm dealing with a lot of stuff by myself. way more than a 17-year-old should have to deal with, especially not alone. i just feel extremely physically and mentally/emotionally exhausted constantly. i don't have any friends and i don't get along with my family. i've always felt that i have a purpose, but in general, i don't see the purpose in human life, if that makes sense. humanity disgusts me, and i don't see it getting better, i just think it's gonna get worse and worse until we end up in WW3 and start killing each other. i don't get why i should keep living when i'm just miserable all the time and i'm gonna die eventually either way.
why not just get it over with now so that i don't have to deal with any more pain? i've already had more than i can take.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Difference between antidepressent starting side-effects and hypomania? Hey all,
So I've read about how SSRIs can send bipolar people who are misdiagnosed with unipolar depression / anxiety into hypomania or mania. I've also read that SSRIs can have activating effects during the start up period (including insomnia, restlessness, distractibility) that sound similar to some of the symptoms of hypomania.
So if someone starting and SSRI experiences trouble sleeping, restlessness, increased energy, increased distractibility, periods of euphoria, spends money like it's nothing, increased pressure to talk/sing/dance, increased responses to music and caffeine, starting up old hobbies, etc., how can they know whether it's a combination of start-up side effects of the SSRI + feeling (much) better from the SSRI (or maybe placebo / excitement from doing something about the depression) or an antidepressant-induced hypomanic episode?
I know it's a question for a professional but I like to hear experiences also.
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self.depression
|
How do you deal with having your dream taken away from you after sacrificing years working towards it? Recently my dream that I had since I was a kid, was taken away from me due to financial problems. I had to move away from my family at 13 so that I could really put everything into it, and committed my whole life towards making this dream. I lived and breathed it. Made every decision/sacrifice in my life towards this dream. Seeing people that I know for a fact (honestly not just me being in denial) are less deserving than me being successful, pains me so much. I don't know what to do with myself, as for nearly half my life I committed myself to this dream and now it's all gone. Anyone else been in this position?
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self.depression
|
Do you ever feel like some people are never meant to be happy, and some are destined to commit suicide? There are some people that (no matter what treatment, or happiness or support) just can't be happy in life.
Sylvia Plath is a huge example I can think of. She just felt she was destined to commit suicide from such a young age until she finally did it. I think I really relate to her. Not because I think I'm, gonna kill myself. I might not. But I do feel like I can't ever be happy. Because even on medication I have depressive episodes and it just doesn't end. I'm not saying this as a "there's no other option. Some people just have to kill themselves. There's no point".
I'm saying I've thought about this for a while. I'm not even sad about it. Just thinking that maybe this is all there is. And that sucks.
Some people are gonna deal with not being able to feel content, ever. But maybe that's what depression is and I'm just realising that I'm never gonna feel okay.
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self.depression
|
Please help me sort out my life I hope you bear with me as there is no one I trust to listen. I need this off my chest so I can move on with my life. I'm 34. I'm also 6'4'' and not very attractive (I admit it), and Middle Eastern. I am gay, and I live in a place that harasses gay people and criminalizes them. I am not going to speak about this as it is not really what is bothering me. I am getting my Masters degree finally from a reputable university. Ten months ago I did not believe this was possible so there are things to be positive about. Yet, I look at my life this way: I am growing old, I am poor, I live with my family and it does not seem to change anytime soon, I am in a major debt, hate my job. I am aging beyond my years due to stress, have not been in a relationship for years, the little beauty I had is quickly withering away (along with it goes all my potential to be in a relationship) and "40" and "50" seems to be just around the corner, not that it worries me as much as it bothers me that soon I will be 40 without having saved a dime thus far, still lives with my family (who relies on me for their living expenses) and that I have untreated psychological issues including severe stress and anxiety. Around 16 years ago, I was an avid reader, I think reading damaged me mentally at that age as I picked books that were not positive but damaging, I wished to become a writer then but did not take the steps to do so. My parents wanted me to become a doctor but i refused. Today I look back and think "how bad would it have been if I had matured up a little?" I speak 2 languages only, I drive a car so miserable I literary feel embarrassed to drive it out of the garage (it looks like a piece of junk) so, getting this off my chest and thinking now, not what else could I have done but what can I do now? My MA degree is great and all, but I worry a lot. I dream of the time that I will be able to live freely, but not because of my old age, but because I was able to be independent alone yet still support my family financially. I dream of being able to travel across the world while I have some youth left in me, I dream about joining a gym and getting that kickass body, getting a plastic surgery to fix some of my insecurities (nose, chin, hairline, lips..) finding a boyfriend, building my amazing house, getting a great car, my dreams are so small and basic I feel that I could have accomplished them had I had a different living arrangement earlier on, and not having made a chain of bad decisions. I need your support..
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self.offmychest
|
I have anxiety about killing myself The only reason I haven't killed myself is because I don't want to inconvenience the people who would have to deal with me. No matter how I go someone will have to deal with a corpse, but if I crash my car, I either hurt someone else in the process, or I destroy someone else's property, and my car is a company vehicle owned by my family so that'll hurt them too. Jumping in front of a car or off a bridge present the same problems. I have feared medication because I think the anxiety would be fixed before the depression and suicidal thoughts and I'll finally act on it.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Has anyone else heard of SSRI WITHDRAWAL-induced mania? I never believed my bipolar diagnosis because the only time I (think) I was something that resembled manic developed shortly after I stopped SSRIs cold turkey.
It makes sense the SSRIs can *induce* mania, as serotonergic drugs are very activating. But SSRI WITHDRAWAL-induced mania? I'm taking AWAY serotonin, right?
This happened 2 year ago, when I was 24. I had just gotten my tonsils removed that May and was so focused on recovering from throat surgery that swallowing a pill was simply not my priority, and I just never started again. This was 40mg of Prozac. From about June - end of August I was a mess -- sleeping sporadic hours and for some reason ordering electrical parts from sparkfun.com in order to solder circuit boards for my own synth I was building...however I actually had a little background in it and I was completely aware of what I was doing. I finally sought help from the first psychiatrist with an opening on zocdoc.com. He ended up being very new and very terrible (so many open appointments!! RED FLAG) but I did walk away with this diagnosis.
My current pdoc said that SSRI withdrawal induced mania isn't unheard of, and now I'm so surprised and also frightened that this diagnosis could be real?
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self.bipolar
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DAE feel like this after moving to a small town? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Feel Weird About Disclosing Mental Illness at Doctors Office [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Abilify It’s working. I can’t believe it. I have energy, focus, motivation. I feel like I did before my first break down. It’s incredible. I just hope in the long term it’ll still work and not have crazy side effects.
Anyone been on it long term?
|
self.bipolar
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I feel so empty I don’t know who to talk to about my feelings. Even if I did, I would feel selfish doing so. I’m not diagnosed with depression (I don’t talk about anything to my doctor), but I haven’t been happy for years. I’m currently packing to move and found items and pictures from times when I was happy and now I’m having another breakdown. It doesn’t help that I keep thinking of one of my best friends who was killed in an accident. I just feel like there’s no purpose for me here... I’m such an average joe at everything. And if I want to do something, I’m not qualified/can’t afford/too young to do so. I write music and it doesn’t help—I can’t find a passion for anything. I spend my days off sleeping so that I wouldn’t have to face reality. It all sucks.
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self.depression
|
After nearly four months with no panic attacks, I had a bad one the other day when someone yelled at me. Help [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Fuck these shitty places. I had maybe 3 days where I was content, fuck maybe even happy? Today I was supposed to be going on a hike which I forgot about had hours to get ready and go but I sacked it off instead. Went to the gym (the only thing that stops me thinking) got home showered and then sat doing nothing, as I type this I'm currently sat in a car park doing nothing instead of returning the clothes which i came down to do. Just watching people walk past wondering how they do it everyday how do they get up and just get on with life think il just go shopping today? I just think of the end every single second. I despise the person I am I wish for one single "normal" day, to be like one of these people passing by.
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self.depression
|
I killed myself. It is funny that I should be typing this here and now. I will not let anyone or anything get me down any longer. Trusting others was a complete waste of my time.
We were born in the world alone, who says we have to walk with others? Only by trusting yourself can you never allow anyone else to hurt you. I was stupid, being emotional and trusting others with my issues, and I ended up giving them weapons to hurt me with.
No more. This is it. I will no longer allow anyone else to control my life. I will not have emotions. Because emotions does nothing but stifle your own growth, your own ability.
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self.depression
|
I'm not showing up to work This is the third job I have flaked out on after a week. I am absolutely destitute and I only have gotten called back for an interview twice this entire year.
I can't handle going in tonight. I can't handle talking to my coworkers and hearing the same dumbass jokes about me being shy or nervous or quiet. I can't handle talking to customers and I really cannot handle criticism or authority.
After tonight, I really have no more hope by any means. I can't even afford to be buried which is my only wish after death.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
My friend just told me her plans to kill herself. What do I do? [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I feel like because I can't make phone calls, I can't get a job, let alone be a normal human being I'm 22 years old, still no job, like ever. finished high school, had to leave community college because I screwed around too much and couldn't get financial aid anymore, went to a Technical school to learn a trade, and I still can't get a job.
I've been applying to places, but nothing. I'm pretty sure the biggest reason why is because I just don't follow up with a call. it could be argued that i'm lazy and don't remember, but when I do, I just have a hard time trying to make the call. I know what to say in my head, and I've done it before, but it still doesn't get any easier.
the other day I remembered that I applied somewhere, and tried to do a follow up call. hearing the phone ring made my heart pound, and afterwords, I wanted to cry a bit because of how scared I was during the whole time.
semi related, I gotten an interview just once, and didn't get the job. my mom talked to the person who interviewed me, and they told her it's because since I didn't know anything and had no experience, they didn't hire me, despite it being an entry level job.
You could argue it's my mom's fault for being there, but according to her, it's because I'm so quiet and don't talk loud enough is why.
seems like no matter what, I'm just a wreck.
anyone else had experiences like mine? how do you deal with it?
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self.Anxiety
|
Is it ok to talk to my friend about my depression? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Depression caused by loneliness Hi. So I've been feeling depressed on and off. I first felt frequently low last year and I also took meds a year ago. I guess the meds worked with the help of my family and friends and by summer last year I was pretty happy and even got myself a GF. It was a summer romance, by September it was over. She was too crazy and it did not work out.
Since November I've had this wish to meet someone new, the longing for someone. But it hasn't bothered me as much as it does now. I feel like I don't know how to make intimate contact with a girl. This along with other things is getting me down. I mean there are days when I feel like total shit.
I don't understand how people do it. Go to a club and start talking randomly with people they don't know? I guess that's how it goes but I don't have it in me. Hell, I've even got myself Tinder, got a match. Said hi, she said hi so I said something again and no response from then on. This has happened more than once.
People say that first you need to sort your own problems and if you are happy with yourself, only then enter into a relationship. But for me, I feel like I want to love someone and be loved, if not, I will feel depressed. And that's because I feel lonely. I feel so lonely inside, I have friends and family around me but I feel so lonely it's painful. It's unbearable at times and it only seems to be getting worse.
The thing is, there are days when I feel okay but this itching feeling inside me is not going away. I feel like something has to happen or I will start to fall into a deep hole.
What are your thoughts on this? Am I making sense or am I actually broken inside and that's the reason I feel to meet someone, even though I am trying? Should I even? If yes, then how?
|
self.depression
|
The source of my depression is permanent and physical, therefore talking doesn't help me, and 'it gets better' is unlikely [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Is this normal? I can be going about my everyday business, but when there’s a lull in activity it hits me like a bus... just absolutely crushing thoughts and a feeling in my chest. Then there’s the distant feelings or just inability to connect. I look down at my arms and hands and they’re just alien to me, they don’t seem like mine (think in those first person movies or games where the character looks down at their arms and moves, I kinda feel like that ) I’m usually able to get away with distracting myself but some days that doesn’t even help. The nights are painful and I can lie sleepless for hours on end unable to get away from the dark thoughts. It’s been going on for longer than I can remember but it just gets worse. I’ve never experienced anything particularly traumatic, should I try to seek help or is this something that everyone goes through? If anyone reads this thanks, been a rough few nights.
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self.depression
|
im really flustered im really struggling in school with regards to my friends. im trying to help my closests friends deal with their respective anxiety and depression but its really hard to keep trying to help them and look after myself as well. and i get really exasperated when i cant help them because they kind of expect me to help them (maybe thats just what i think maybe they dont even think that i just feel like they feel that i should help them) because they know ive had experience with mental health issues myself.
|
self.depression
|
Seriously considering selling my body for money. I've got a full-time job already, but I've still been struggling financially. I'm just trying to get out of a difficult situation, and I could really benefit from a second source of income. I know that getting a normal, legitimate part-time job on the side would be the most "acceptable" option, but it would be so much easier to just sell my body for cash.
There are many men out there that would pay good money for sex. I may not have much else going for me, but I can at least say that some of those men might pay to have sex with me. So I say, why not? I might even have a good time.
I do understand the obvious risks that come with this sort of thing, which is why I haven't just done it already. I'm afraid of getting hurt or screwed over somehow, but the idea is always there and it's so tempting.
|
self.offmychest
|
Help! Dating someone with severe anxiety and depression So me and my I guess ex now have been together for over two years and she's always had anxiety since I've met her but it has gotten worse over time. She is prescibed xanax and prozac for it. But recently in our relationship it has gotten so bad she will only go to work and stay home. Her palms are always sweaty, all she wants to do is lay in bed all day everyday. And due to this she broke up with me because she didnt want me dragged in with it but in all Reality I love her to death and I fell in love with the woman who she is and I want to be there to support her through the journey! We have been broken up for 3 weeks now and she literally will only talk to me when she wants to. She will call me/facetime/text me every other day but dosnt want to see me face to face. But if I need to talk to her she will ignore me (not all the the time but most of the time) I havnt talked to her since valentines day and dont know what I should do...I want this to work out but I dont know if this is common when dating someone with severe anxiety and depreasion...ive been backing up waiting for her to reach out first
|
self.Anxiety
|
Depression and Love I have always been kinda romantic. I'm not romantic in a way I will give a girl flowers or write love letters to her, but romantic in a way I can't explain, like I would do literally anything for the person I love. The thing is, since I have depression I feel like I love a lot more. Like I just need someone to love so bad, and if I had that someone I know I would love her to death. Is this related, or is just how I am apart of the depression?
|
self.depression
|
I cried at work today. And then I cried on the way to the doctors office. Then I cried waiting to see the doctor. And finally had a mental breakdown when I got to speak to him. I've relapsed. Congratulations to me, I've failed.
|
self.depression
|
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