Split (1)

train · 122k rows

book_title stringlengths 1 96	author stringlengths 3 58	genres listlengths 0 8	tags listlengths 0 12	chapter_title stringlengths 1 990	text stringlengths 0 2.62M
5d6	Robert Bevan	[ "comedy", "fantasy" ]	[ "humor", "short stories", "Caverns and Creatures C" ]	The Fuccubus	Thank you for your amazing generosity. Cooper put three empty mugs and a silver coin down on the bar. "I need three more scoops from the barrel, and another bottle of your cheapest stonepiss." The full-orc bartender nodded, slipped the coin into the front pocket of his brown-stained apron, and dunked all three unwash...
5d6	Robert Bevan	[ "comedy", "fantasy" ]	[ "humor", "short stories", "Caverns and Creatures C" ]	THWACK THWACK	The horse caught two crossbow bolts. One in the neck, and the other in the eye. It was dead before it had a chance to scream. It vanished, and the two bolts clattered onto the threshold between dimensions. "Sorry!" said a balding gnome sitting on the side of the bed with a crossbow and a hard-on threatening to tear a ...
5d6	Robert Bevan	[ "comedy", "fantasy" ]	[ "humor", "short stories", "Caverns and Creatures C" ]	Fistin' the Furious	Thank you for your amazing generosity. "So why us?" asked Tim, still bitter over his swollen hand. He downed a shot of stonepiss, then set the empty shot glass upside down beside two others, forming the beginning of a pyramid. Other patrons, sipping fancier drinks from ornately decorated tankards, occasionally frowned...
5d6	Robert Bevan	[ "comedy", "fantasy" ]	[ "humor", "short stories", "Caverns and Creatures C" ]	Chapter 12	Tim woke up, sober and with a massive headache. It wasn't the first time, and he knew the cure. It was in a flask in his vest pocket. Unfortunately, he found he was unable to move his arms. "The fuck?" he said as he struggled to move. Though he didn't like the idea of opening his eyes to a new day without a bit of li...
5d6	Robert Bevan	[ "comedy", "fantasy" ]	[ "humor", "short stories", "Caverns and Creatures C" ]	CRASH	The sound of breaking porcelain. Maybe a vase or a large dish. "Shit," said Cooper. "Watch where you're going!" said Dave. "Shhhhh!" said Julian. Tim shook his head. He was nearly deaf and could hear those three idiots two rooms away. They stepped out into the living room and stopped dead in their tracks when they ...
5d6	Robert Bevan	[ "comedy", "fantasy" ]	[ "humor", "short stories", "Caverns and Creatures C" ]	YEHEHEHEHEHEHE	Distracted by Julian's horse announcing its presence, and the fact that he still wasn't used to having extra thumbs, Tim dropped the potion. Matthias-Tim's eyes, already wide with the pain and surprise of having his foot crushed, went even wider as they followed the glass bottle to the floor, where it shattered, letti...
5d6	Robert Bevan	[ "comedy", "fantasy" ]	[ "humor", "short stories", "Caverns and Creatures C" ]	Chapter 15	Tim awoke, groggy but feeling strangely refreshed and free of dick pain. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, opened them, and saw Cooper looking down at him. Had it all been a dream? "Helllllloooooooo! Helllllooooooowwwww!" Tim looked to his left. Momo was freaking the fuck out, thrashing in his chains and bleeding...
5d6	Robert Bevan	[ "comedy", "fantasy" ]	[ "humor", "short stories", "Caverns and Creatures C" ]	Pixie Dicks	"Fuck this place," said Tim. He was crankier than usual because the day's adventure had taken twice as long as they'd expected, yielded exactly zero treasure, and he hadn't packed an adequate supply of stonepiss. "Fuck this meadow. Fuck these flowers. Fuck this whole fucking fantasy world." "Can we take a five-minute ...
5d6	Robert Bevan	[ "comedy", "fantasy" ]	[ "humor", "short stories", "Caverns and Creatures C" ]	THWACK	"FUUUUCK!" cried Tim. The bolt from his crossbow stuck out from his right foot, still trembling from the impact. The air filled with high-pitched giggles again. When Julian looked above Cooper, Bingbong Fizzbang was gone. Even his piss stream had vanished. Cooper wiped the piss off his face. Dave crawled over to Tim....
5d6	Robert Bevan	[ "comedy", "fantasy" ]	[ "humor", "short stories", "Caverns and Creatures C" ]	PLOOOOP	It sounded a lot more substantial than the previous night's shart. "Jesus," said Dave. "I'm glad I wasn't down there for that one." When Cooper and Dave had finished their business, Julian beckoned them over. "What's going on?" asked Dave. "Something weird is going on with Tim," Julian whispered. "Aside from the m...
5d6	Robert Bevan	[ "comedy", "fantasy" ]	[ "humor", "short stories", "Caverns and Creatures C" ]	CLICK	[ TWANG ] [ SMASH ] [ BUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ] Instead of being one solid block of milky white glass, the dais was actually composed of thin sheets, hollow on the inside. Hollow, that was, except for the million gazillion goddamn bees that flew out of its shattered remains. Startled, he dropped the Fairyfire...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	THE GIANT RAFT	[ A CAPTAIN OF THE WOODS ] "P h y j s l y d d q f d z x g a s g z z q q e h x g k f n d r x u j u g I o c y t d x v k s b x h h u y p o h d v y r y m h u h p u y d k j o x p h e t o z l s l e t n p m v f f o v p d p a j x h y y n o j y g g a y m e q y n f u q l n m v l y f g s u z m q I z t l b q q y u g s q e u b v ...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	ROBBER AND ROBBED	Torres slept for about half an hour, and then there was a noise among the trees—a sound of light footsteps, as though some visitor was walking with naked feet, and taking all the precaution he could lest he should be heard. To have put himself on guard against any suspicious approach would have been the first care of o...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	THE GARRAL FAMILY	The village of Iquitos is situated on the left bank of the Amazon, near the seventy-fourth meridian, on that portion of the great river which still bears the name of the Marânon, and of which the bed separates Peru from the republic of Ecuador. It is about fifty-five leagues to the west of the Brazilian frontier. Iqui...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	HESITATION	Manoel was in love with the sister of his friend Benito, and she was in love with him. Each was sensible of the other's worth, and each was worthy of the other. When he was no longer able to mistake the state of his feelings toward Minha, Manoel had opened his heart to Benito. "Manoel, my friend," had immediately ans...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	THE AMAZON	"The largest river in the whole world!" said Benito to Manoel Valdez, on the morrow. They were sitting on the bank which formed the southern boundary of the fazenda, and looking at the liquid molecules passing slowly by, which, coming from the enormous range of the Andes, were on their road to lose themselves in the A...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	A FOREST ON THE GROUND	The Garral family were in high glee. The magnificent journey on the Amazon was to be undertaken under conditions as agreeable as possible. Not only were the fazender and his family to start on a voyage for several months, but, as we shall see, he was to be accompanied by a part of the staff of the farm. In beholding e...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	FOLLOWING A LIANA	It was a Sunday, the 26th of May, and the young people had made up their minds to take a holiday. The weather was splendid, the heat being tempered by the refreshing breezes which blew from off the Cordilleras, and everything invited them out for an excursion into the country. Benito and Manoel had offered to accompan...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	THE JANGADA	The half-mile square of forest was cleared. With the carpenters remained the task of arranging in the form of a raft the many venerable trees which were lying on the strand. And an easy task it was. Under the direction of Joam Garral the Indians displayed their incomparable ingenuity. In everything connected with hous...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	THE EVENING OF THE FIFTH OF JUNE	While the master's house was being constructed, Joam Garral was also busied in the arrangement of the out-buildings, comprising the kitchen, and offices in which provisions of all kinds were intended to be stored. In the first place, there was an important stock of the roots of that little tree, some six or ten feet i...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	FROM IQUITOS TO PEVAS	On the 6th of June, the very next day, Joam Garral and his people bade good-by to the superintendent and the Indians and negroes who were to stay behind at the fazenda. At six o'clock in the morning the jangada received all its passengers, or rather inhabitants, and each of them took possession of his cabin, or perhaps...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	FROM PEVAS TO THE FRONTIER	During the few days which followed nothing occurred worthy of note. The nights were so fine that the long raft went on its way with the stream without even a halt. The two picturesque banks of the river seemed to change like the panoramas of the theaters which unroll from one wing to another. By a kind of optical illus...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	FRAGOSO AT WORK	"Braza" (burning embers) is a word found in the Spanish language as far back as the twelfth century. It has been used to make the word "brazil," as descriptive of certain woods which yield a reddish dye. From this has come the name "Brazil," given to that vast district of South America which is crossed by the equator, ...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	TORRES	At five o'clock in the evening Fragoso was still there, and was asking himself if he would have to pass the night on the spot to satisfy the expectant crowd, when a stranger arrived in the square, and seeing all this native gathering, advanced toward the inn. For some minutes the stranger eyed Fragoso attentively with...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	STILL DESCENDING	At daybreak on the morrow, the 27th of June, the cables were cast off, and the raft continued its journey down the river. An extra passenger was on board. Whence came this Torres? No one exactly knew. Where was he going to? "To Manaos," he said. Torres was careful to let no suspicion of his past life escape him, nor o...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	THE CONTINUED DESCENT	On the evening of the 5th of July, the atmosphere had been oppressive since the morning and threatened approaching storms. Large bats of ruddy color skimmed with their huge wings the current of the Amazon. Among them could be distinguished the "perros voladors," somber brown above and light-colored beneath, for which M...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	EGA	At six o'clock in the morning of the 20th of July, Yaquita, Minha, Lina, and the two young men prepared to leave the jangada. Joam Garral, who had shown no intention of putting his foot on shore, had decided this time, at the request of the ladies of his family, to leave his absorbing daily work and accompany them on ...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	AN ATTACK	However, if Manoel, to avoid giving rise to a violent scene on board, said nothing on the subject of Torres, he resolved to have an explanation with Benito. "Benito," he began, after taking him to the bow of the jangada, "I have something to say to you." Benito, generally so good-humored, stopped as he looked at Mano...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	THE ARRIVAL DINNER	In the morning, after a night which was scarcely sufficient to calm so much excitement, they unmoored from the cayman beach and departed. Before five days, if nothing interfered with their voyage, the raft would reach the port of Manaos. Minha had quite recovered from her fright, and her eyes and smiles thanked all th...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	ANCIENT HISTORY	But the conversation was continued by Fragoso, who immediately rejoined: "What! you come from Tijuco, from the very capital of the diamond district?" "Yes," said Torres. "Do you hail from that province?" "No! I come from the Atlantic seaboard in the north of Brazil," replied Fragoso. "You do not know this diamond c...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	BETWEEN THE TWO MEN	For a moment, alone in the room, where none could see or hear them, Joam Garral and Torres looked at each other without uttering a word. Did the adventurer hesitate to speak? Did he suspect that Joam Garral would only reply to his demands by a scornful silence? Yes! Probably so. So Torres did not question him. At the ...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	THE CRYPTOGRAM	[ MANAOS ] The town of Manaos is in 3° 8' 4" south latitude, and 67° 27' west longitude, reckoning from the Paris meridian. It is some four hundred and twenty leagues from Belem, and about ten miles from the embouchure of the Rio Negro. Manaos is not built on the Amazon. It is on the left bank of the Rio Negro, the m...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	THE FIRST MOMENTS	Scarcely had the pirogue which bore off Joam Garral, or rather Joam Dacosta—for it is more convenient that he should resume his real name—disappeared, than Benito stepped up to Manoel. "What is it you know?" he asked. "I know that your father is innocent! Yes, innocent!" replied Manoel, "and that he was sentenced to ...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	RETROSPECTIVE	Joam Dacosta had relied entirely on Judge Albeiro, and his death was most unfortunate. Before he was judge at Manaos, and chief magistrate in the province, Ribeiro had known the young clerk at the time he was being prosecuted for the murder in the diamond arrayal. He was then an advocate at Villa Rica, and he it was w...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	MORAL PROOFS	The warrant against Joam Dacosta, alias Joam Garral, had been issued by the assistant of Judge Ribeiro, who filled the position of the magistrate in the province of Amazones, until the nomination of the successor of the late justice. This assistant bore the name of Vicente Jarriquez. He was a surly little fellow, whom...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	MATERIAL PROOFS	When the magistrate had again taken his place, like a man who considered he was perfectly master of himself, he leaned back in his chair, and with his head raised and his eyes looking straight in front, as though not even noticing the accused, remarked, in a tone of the most perfect indifference: "Go on." Joam Dacost...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	THE LAST BLOW	While Joam Dacosta was undergoing this examination, Yaquita, from an inquiry made by Manoel, ascertained that she and her children would be permitted to see the prisoner that very day about four o'clock in the afternoon. Yaquita had not left her room since the evening before. Minha and Lina kept near her, waiting for ...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	RESOLUTIONS	A few hours later the whole family had returned to the raft, and were assembled in the large room. All were there, except the prisoner, on whom the last blow had just fallen. Benito was quite overwhelmed, and accused himself of having destroyed his father, and had it not been for the entreaties of Yaquita, of his siste...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	THE FIRST SEARCH	The search had to commence at once, and that for two weighty reasons. The first of these was—and this was a question of life or death—that this proof of Joam Dacosta's innocence must be produced before the arrival of the order from Rio Janeiro. Once the identity of the prisoner was established, it was impossible that ...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	THE SECOND ATTEMPT	On the morrow, the 27th of August, Benito took Manoel apart, before the sun had risen, and said to him: "Our yesterday's search was vain. If we begin again under the same conditions we may be just as unlucky." "We must do so, however," replied Manoel. "Yes," continued Benito; "but suppose we do not find the body, can...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	A CANNON SHOT	Benito then had disappeared beneath the vast sheet which still covered the corpse of the adventurer. Ah! If he had had the power to divert the waters of the river, to turn them into vapor, or to drain them off—if he could have made the Frias basin dry down stream, from the bar up to the influx of the Rio Negro, the cas...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	THE CONTENTS OF THE CASE	What was it that had happened? A purely physical phenomenon, of which the following is the explanation. The gunboat Santa Ana, bound for Manaos, had come up the river and passed the bar at Frias. Just before she reached the embouchure of the Rio Negro she hoisted her colors and saluted the Brazilian flag. At the repor...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	THE DOCUMENT	This was a contingency which neither Joam Dacosta nor his people could have anticipated. In fact, as those who have not forgotten the first scene in this story are aware, the document was written in a disguised form in one of the numerous systems used in cryptography. But in which of them? To discover this would requ...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	IS IT A MATTER OF FIGURES?	It was seven o'clock in the evening. Judge Jarriquez had all the time been absorbed in working at the puzzle—and was no further advanced—and had forgotten the time of repast and the time of repose, when there came a knock at his study door. It was time. An hour later, and all the cerebral substance of the vexed magist...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	CHANCE!	A complete change took place in public opinion on the subject of Joam Dacosta. To anger succeeded pity. The population no longer thronged to the prison of Manaos to roar out cries of death to the prisoner. On the contrary, the most forward of them in accusing him of being the principal author of the crime of Tijuco now...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	THE LAST EFFORTS	The magistrate, however, was not the only one who passed his time unprofitably. Benito, Manoel, and Minha tried all they could together to extract the secret from the document on which depended their father's life and honor. On his part, Fragoso, aided by Lina, could not remain quiet, but all their ingenuity had failed...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	PREPARATIONS	On the following day, the 30th of August, Benito and Manoel talked matters over together. They had understood the thought to which the judge had not dared to give utterance in their presence, and were engaged in devising some means by which the condemned man could escape the penalty of the law. Nothing else was left f...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	THE LAST NIGHT	The visit of Yaquita and her daughter had been like all such visits during the few hours which each day the husband and wife spent together. In the presence of the two beings whom Joam so dearly loved his heart nearly failed him. But the husband—the father—retained his self-command. It was he who comforted the two poor...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	FRAGOSO	And so the order had come, and, as Judge Jarriquez had foreseen, it was an order requiring the immediate execution of the sentence pronounced on Joam Dacosta. No proof had been produced; justice must take its course. It was the very day—the 31st of August, at nine o'clock in the morning of which the condemned man was ...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	THE CRIME OF TIJUCO	On the arrival of the judge the mournful procession halted. A roaring echo had repeated after him and again repeated the cry which escaped from every mouth: "Innocent! Innocent!" Then complete silence fell on all. The people did not want to lose one syllable of what was about to be proclaimed. Judge Jarriquez sat do...
800 Leagues on the Amazon	Jules Verne	[ "adventure" ]	[ "cryptography", "travel", "1800s", "The Extraordinary Voyages" ]	THE LOWER AMAZON	Little remains to tell of the second part of the voyage down the mighty river. It was but a series of days of joy. Joam Dacosta returned to a new life, which shed its happiness on all who belonged to him. The giant raft glided along with greater rapidity on the waters now swollen by the floods. On the left they passed...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 1	An exclamation point above a character's head indicates that they have a quest for you. —Call to Wizardry loading screen tip sherpa — A person who acts as a paid guide in a massive multiplayer online role-playing game (MMORPG). Sherpas provide their clients with playable characters, equipment, and skilled teammates...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 2	The client is an idiot. His name is Brad Strong, and in real life he works as a commodities trader at one of those big Wall Street banks that's always implicated, but never held accountable, whenever the economy crashes. According to his social media accounts, Brad is a graduate of the Wharton School of Finance. He ow...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 3	avatar — The audiovisual manifestation of a person or software agent in a virtual environment. Avatars can resemble any animate or inanimate object that their host computer is capable of rendering. They can also manifest differently to different observers simultaneously: In a three-way virtual conference, Alice might ...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 4	"I'm not fucking paying you." Jolene and I have reconvened with Brad at the Game Lobby, a virtual lounge that is popular as a pre- and post-run hangout spot. The Lobby has a cyberpunk chrome-and-neon aesthetic; there's a bar with a Jumbotron TV that's always tuned to your favorite channel, a laser-lit dance floor that...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 5	Darla has me blocked on social media, but if you go on her Facebook page you'll find a profile pic of what looks like a young Chloë Grace Moretz in combat boots and paint-spattered camo, sitting cross-legged in the grass with a paintball rifle balanced across her knees. Her green eyes look out from under sweat-matted b...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 6	I'm about to log out when I get an instant message, the words appearing in a pop-up box at the bottom of my visual field: > ARE YOU AVAILABLE TO MEET NOW? — SMITH Smith—no first name, no "Mr." or "Ms.," just Smith—emailed me a week ago, claiming to be the personal assistant of a "wealthy, famous person" who wanted to...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 7	Five minutes later I stumble out of the chat room and head for the bar. You can order drinks from the cyborg bartender, but since this is virtual reality, you have to provide your own intoxication. Tonight that won't be a problem; I'm feeling plenty stupefied. PayPal has just sent me confirmation of a deposit of one h...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 8	memory palace — A virtual architectural space used for storing data. The original memory palaces were purely mental constructs: Ancient Greek and Roman rhetoricians would populate an imaginary structure with mnemonic images and then "walk through" the space in the course of giving a speech. Although this old-school ar...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 9	The People article described me as a "third-generation gold farmer," which is technically true, but for a lot of readers conjures up a false image of a Chinese immigrant kid whose grandpop played video games in a Beijing internet café. In fact the Chus have been American since long before there was an internet, or vide...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 10	Online Games When interacting with other players, a little kindness goes a long way. —Call to Wizardry loading screen tip meet cute — A scene in a romantic comedy where a couple meet for the first time and realize they are attracted to one another. Such scenes are traditionally meant to be endearing, but modern v...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 11	problematic — A weasel word. "Problematic" can mean immoral, heretical, politically objectionable, bigoted, rude, harmful to children and small animals, bad for society, personally offensive to the speaker, or some amorphous combination of any of the above. The word's vagueness makes it popular among the intellectuall...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 12	culture shock — A feeling of profound disorientation caused by exposure to an alien worldview or way of life. Once primarily an affliction of immigrants, soldiers, and wealthy tourists, it was democratized by the internet, which put culture shock on tap 24/7. Whether civilization can survive the resulting stress remai...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 13	grinding — Engaging in a repetitive and often mindless task. In a video-game context, grinding may refer either to (a) actions performed to reach the parts of the game that are fun, or (b) the same actions performed out of habit after the game ceases to be fun. See also: behaviorism, Skinner box —The New Devil's Di...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 14	Darla's first outing as a member of sherpa, inc. was a level grind. The client was a junior executive at Amazon who was scheduled to go adventuring with his coworkers as part of a corporate team-building exercise. He had a high-level elf paladin he wanted maxed out in time for the run, and rather than pull an all-night...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 15	Korea, North — An independent kingdom for much of its long history, Korea was annexed by Imperial Japan in 1910. Following WWII, Korea was split, with the northern half coming under Soviet-sponsored communist control. After failing in the Korean War (1950–53) to conquer the US-backed Republic of Korea (ROK) in the sout...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 16	I'm sorry," the guide tells me. "The unicorn cave is a myth." "Really? I found a million references to it on Google." "Yes, it is a popular legend in Western media. The story stems from a mistranslated press release that went viral. The name of the site, Kiringul, is more properly rendered in English as Kirin's Grott...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 17	G.G.R. — "Gonna get raped," a popular video-gamers' utterance meaning either "We are about to inflict a humiliating defeat on those other players" or "Those other players are about to inflict a humiliating defeat on us." The abbreviation, originally coined to bypass speech filters, has since become common even in gami...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 18	opiate of the masses — That which acts to preserve the status quo by short-circuiting demand for political or social change. In Marx's original formulation, the opiate of the masses was religion. Aldous Huxley, in his dystopian novel Brave New World, imagined it as a literal drug, soma. More recent candidates include ...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 19	theory of mind — A controversial hypothesis that other human beings are sentient and possess thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and goals that are different from our own. In its most radical form, the theory posits that while these differences may make other people's behavior hard to understand, the question "What the fuck ...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 20	"You can snoop, but don't be weird about it," Darla said when she gave me the link to her Facebook page. She'd been on the crew for several weeks by that point, and we'd just finished one of the best gigs we would ever work together, a fifty-person raid on the troll city of Zuul'titlan. Currently the hardest dungeon i...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 21	MUD — Multi-User Dungeon. One of the earliest forms of virtual world, MUDs originated as multiplayer versions of classic interactive fiction games like Colossal Cave and Zork. Most MUDs are entirely text-based. Players enter commands using simple sentences (e.g., WALK NORTH, or PUT OIL IN LANTERN) and the results of t...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 22	Location: A Clearing at the Edge of Town You stand in a grassy clearing on the outskirts of a small Midwestern town. It is dusk of a summer evening, and the first fireflies have begun to appear. A path leads east through a sparse thicket of woods. You see lights shining beyond the trees and hear the faint sound of cal...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 23	context fail — Confusing one social, political, or technological environment for another, with disastrous consequences. A popular, if apocryphal, example is the avid video gamer who gets hurt after forgetting that in real life there is no reset button. Other examples include acting as if you are anonymous when you are...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 24	It's after midnight. I'm about to log off when i get an instant message from Anja, asking me to meet her in the Game Lobby. I find her at the bar. "What's up?" "I have a game in a few minutes," she says, "and I was hoping you could come along." "Dungeon run?" She shakes her head. "Habitual Offender." I smile. "Goi...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 25	While I was Anja's go-to for screening potential boyfriends, there were other romance-related topics she couldn't discuss with me—or with Ray. Darla wouldn't have been my choice for sex counseling either, but I can see why Anja picked her. A few days after the second Zuul'titlan raid, we arranged to meet up for a leve...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 26	"Atenção, vadia!" The motorcyclist yells as Anja cuts into his lane. Then he swerves onto the sidewalk, hits a woman pushing a stroller, and gets catapulted into the side of the Ministério do Turismo. The federal police in the cruiser behind us look over at the crash but otherwise don't react—Anja didn't actually hit t...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 27	"On the right," Javier says calmly, as a black government van with tinted windows appears along a side road. The van tries to T-bone us, but Anja gives the SUV more gas and gets out in front of it, while Blanca fires a full clip from her submachine gun. The driver of the van is hit and loses control; a pair of llamas g...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 28	friend of the Tin Man — Slang term for someone who possesses the necessary hardware and software to engage in cybersex. —Lady Ada's Lexicon When Men on the Internet built the first fellatio machine, they called their bullet encoding scheme Blow Job Markup Language, or BJML. This inspired a fair amount of mockery fro...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 29	tort of wrongful seduction — A cause of action in a civil lawsuit in which the plaintiff claims to have been enticed into sex by false pretenses, such as a fraudulent promise of marriage. In the tort's earliest incarnation, the right of action belonged to the father of a dishonored woman, and the alleged harm was lo...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	RL	You can play with your friends in the Realms of Asgarth, but remember to play with them outside Asgarth as well. —Call to Wizardry loading screen tip prohibition — A popular blood sport in which a government attempts to tame desire by passing a series of ineffective and increasingly draconian laws. —The New Devil'...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 31	I find a vacant lavatory and lock myself inside. Holding up the phone, I carefully close Twitter and open the dialing app. Then I stare at the screen and realize I don't know what to do next. Normally I contact Mom through my computer. There's an emergency number I can call if I get into trouble when I'm away from my ...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 32	apophany — A false epiphany, in which a person perceives a meaningful connection between things which are in fact unrelated. The term, coined by German psychiatrist Klaus Conrad in the 1950s, originally referred to a type of delusion suffered by schizophrenics, but has since come to apply broadly to any misfire of hum...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 33	Smith's Xiaomi phone rings a few seconds after Dad turns off the signal blocker. Bamber has handed me back the collar, and I hold the microphone up to my throat as I answer the phone. "Hello?" "Where are you?" Smith says. "I think you already know that," I say. There's a pause, just long enough to glance at a pop-up...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 34	dude — A passive-aggressive euphemism for "motherfucker." —The New Devil's Dictionary So who do you think these guys really are?" Jolene asks. It's quarter of ten the next morning, and we are sitting in the limo on the second floor of a parking garage. Our parking spot has a clear view across the street to the worl...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 35	A twelve-foot-tall troll statue stands just inside the Arcade entrance. It doesn't move or speak, but you can sit in the cauldron at its feet and have your picture taken pretending to be boiled into gumbo. I pass. Beyond the troll, spread out across the Arcade floor, are long rows of stylish gaming booths chased with ...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 36	As I'm climbing the stairs I try to tell mom what's going on, which is when I realize I've lost my left earbud. I've still got the right one, though, and the microphone is still on. "Sorry, perv," he says, "I'm not your mom." He's turned off the Smith voice filter, so he sounds like a real person now. Though still not...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 37	"The Great Impostor" — Sobriquet of Ferdinand Waldo Demara Jr. (1921–1982), an American folk legend who used stolen identities and forged credentials to obtain work as a prison warden, college dean, sheriff's deputy, civil engineer, and numerous other jobs for which he was technically not qualified. In what became his ...
88 Names	Matt Ruff	[ "scifi", "thriller", "gaming" ]	[]	Chapter 38	He wants to see me. Darryl Joseph Carter (aka Darla Jean Covington, aka Smith, aka Mr. Jones, aka Ms. Pang, aka Nameless White Guy, aka Mr. Bungle) is being held in the John McCain Special Housing Unit at the Federal Correctional Complex in Victorville. The McCain SHU is an ultramax-security facility designed for the ...
8-bit Christmas	Kevin Jakubowski	[ "historical fiction", "slice of life" ]	[ "video games", "Christmas", "pop culture", "child protagonist" ]	Chapter 1	'For the spirit of Christmas fulfills the greatest hunger of mankind.' —Loring A. Schuler 'I feel like eating after I win. Let's go to lunch. Ha, ha, ha!' —King Hippo
8-bit Christmas	Kevin Jakubowski	[ "historical fiction", "slice of life" ]	[ "video games", "Christmas", "pop culture", "child protagonist" ]	Boxer, Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!	Timmy Kleen was not a nice kid. Maybe he grew up to be a nice adult as he got older. Maybe he runs a soup kitchen in Harlem now. I kind of doubt it, though. If I had to guess, I'd say he probably graduated from Harvard, became an investment banker and single-handedly bankrupted half the country. Of course, I don't know...
8-bit Christmas	Kevin Jakubowski	[ "historical fiction", "slice of life" ]	[ "video games", "Christmas", "pop culture", "child protagonist" ]	Chapter 3	Batavia, Illinois, is a small, some might say forgettable, suburb about an hour west of Chicago. Not too rich, not too poor. Its claim to fame is that it's the birthplace of Ken Anderson, the losing quarterback of the 1980 Super Bowl. Ever heard of him? Didn't think so. It's also home to the world's second largest atom...
8-bit Christmas	Kevin Jakubowski	[ "historical fiction", "slice of life" ]	[ "video games", "Christmas", "pop culture", "child protagonist" ]	Chapter 4	Elwood was eleven years old—seventy-seven in dog years—and in that time I was convinced he had pooped more times than any other dog in the history of the world. His best work dotted our snowy backyard like chocolate sprinkles on a vanilla cupcake. They were everywhere. And I had to pick up every single one of them. I s...
8-bit Christmas	Kevin Jakubowski	[ "historical fiction", "slice of life" ]	[ "video games", "Christmas", "pop culture", "child protagonist" ]	Chapter 5	It was a well-known fact at HC Wilson Elementary that the true start of the Christmas season rested on the pretty little shoulders of our art teacher, Miss Ciarocci. Once the Thanksgiving decorations had come down and the recess temperatures dropped to proper loogie-hawking levels outside, we all knew we were closing i...
8-bit Christmas	Kevin Jakubowski	[ "historical fiction", "slice of life" ]	[ "video games", "Christmas", "pop culture", "child protagonist" ]	Chapter 6	It had snowed overnight, the first big storm of the season. Flakes started coming down right around bedtime and hadn't stopped since. Waking up to snow was like waking up to a new lease on life. Like a little present just waiting for you outside your bedroom window; tons and tons of the stuff, as far as the eye could s...
8-bit Christmas	Kevin Jakubowski	[ "historical fiction", "slice of life" ]	[ "video games", "Christmas", "pop culture", "child protagonist" ]	Chapter 7	The humidifier in the corner bubbled and hissed as Mrs. Hugo paced around the classroom, occasionally pulling used Kleenex from her sleeves to blow her nose. We were all spread out on the hard orange carpet, partaking in another one of her "educational exercises" designed to get us to shut the hell up. We were a terri...
8-bit Christmas	Kevin Jakubowski	[ "historical fiction", "slice of life" ]	[ "video games", "Christmas", "pop culture", "child protagonist" ]	Chapter 8	In 1983, Boy George released a song called "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" A catchy little cross-dressing reggae tune, it has since become the soundtrack to my girls' boots nightmare. Whenever it comes on the radio or VH1 plays the video on some celebrities-turned-junkies countdown, I find myself weeping softly. Some ...
8-bit Christmas	Kevin Jakubowski	[ "historical fiction", "slice of life" ]	[ "video games", "Christmas", "pop culture", "child protagonist" ]	Chapter 9	The problem with having only one Nintendo prize in an already hostile one-Nintendo town is that it makes enemies out of everybody. There was no more "us versus Kleen" mentality. It was now every man for himself. Big or small, smart or dumb, first grade or fourth, it didn't matter anymore. You sold the most wreaths, you...
8-bit Christmas	Kevin Jakubowski	[ "historical fiction", "slice of life" ]	[ "video games", "Christmas", "pop culture", "child protagonist" ]	Chapter 10	When you really break it down, the entire focus of kid life centers on one specific goal: having fun. All drive and brainpower is dedicated toward the purpose of playing. It's a relentless battle waged against grownups of all shapes and sizes, one that consistently begs the question: How can I, the kid, maximize my abi...
8-bit Christmas	Kevin Jakubowski	[ "historical fiction", "slice of life" ]	[ "video games", "Christmas", "pop culture", "child protagonist" ]	Chapter 11	Two raisin eyes stared up at me. They were oozing with Elmer's and loosely attached to a mismanaged tapestry of pipe cleaners. This was my donkey, the shining centerpiece of my art-class manger-scene ornament. The fact that the donkey was three times the size of the manger itself didn't concern me. Nor was I concerned ...

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