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                              ==Phrack Magazine==

                 Volume Five, Issue Forty-Six, File 22 of 28

****************************************************************************

                                     HOPE
                                      by
                                 Erik Bloodaxe

I was a little apprehensive about going to HOPE.  I'd been warned for months
that "If you go to HOPE, you are going home in a body bag," and "I am
going to kick your fucking ass at hope," and "If you go, you're gonna get
shot."

Needless to say I found this a bit unnerving.  As big an ego as I may have,
it still does not repel hot lead projectiles.  Add this to the fact that my
best friend of 10 years was murdered by some random idiot with a pistol in
fucking pissant, Bible-thumping Waco, TX a few months back.  Waco.  And the
shooter wasn't even a Davidian, just a drugged-out 16 year-old.  If the
kids pack heat in Waco, I know they must come standard issue in New York.

But, hell, I've haven't missed a con in ages.  Could I actually miss
a SummerCon?  Especially the SummerCon commemorating the 10th
anniversary of 2600 Magazine?  Could I?

Like an idiot, I make my reservations.  Ice-9, who was stuck with a
leftover ticket on United, traded it in and we were both off to New York.

We arrived late Friday night.  So there we were:  The Big Apple, Metropolis,
The City that Never Sleeps.  Unfortunately, it never showers or changes
its clothes either.  Why anyone in their right mind would want to come
to New York City boggles the mind.  It sucks.  I mean, I've been damn
near everywhere in the United States, I've been to major cities in Mexico,
Canada and Europe, and New York is by far and away the worst fucking
shithole I've seen yet.  I don't know for certain, but Port au Prince
probably has more redeeming qualities.

I figured out within a few minutes why New Yorkers are such assholes too.
First, no one seems to be from New York exactly, merely transplants from
somewhere else.  So what has happened is that they bought into New York's
superb public relations campaign and sold off all their belongings to get
their ticket to America and the land of opportunities.  So, they find
themselves in NYC with about half a billion other broke, disillusioned
immigrants wading in their own filth, growing very pissed off at being sold
such a bill of goods.

It would piss me off too.  And I'm sure our cab driver that night missed his
family's ancestral thatched hut back in good old Bangladesh.  But luckily for
him crack provides a good short-term solution.  Not to mention excellent
motor skills.

Twenty-five near misses, and a lengthy carhorn symphony later, we managed to
arrive at the Hotel Pennsylvania intact.  The hotel, heralded in legend and
lore had seen better decades.  About the only thing it had going for it was
one of the oldest phone numbers in the city.  PEnnsylvania 6-5000.
(Ta-da-dum-dum)  I think if Glen Miller were alive today, his band members
would kick his ass if he told them they had to sleep there.

For a hundred dollars a night, Ice-9 and I were treated to two less than
jail-house sized beds, a tv that almost worked, and a hardwired telephone
(ie:  no modular jacks in sight.)  In addition, the entire room was stained
from floor to ceiling, and most of the wall paper by the window had peeled
halfway down.  The window itself opened to a miraculous view of the trash
12 floors down.  We debated on throwing every single object in the room
out the window for a little excitement, but decided it might injure some of
the homeless below.

Anxious to get the hell out of our little cell (well, the prisons I've had
the misfortune to sleep in were in better repair) Ice-9 and I took off to
the top floor and the HOPE conference area.

I don't know why Emmanuel decided to call this conference "Hackers On Planet
Earth."  This conference had more right to the title "Hacking at the End
of the Universe."  Perhaps even "Hacking in the Cesspool of the Earth."
HEU was in the middle of nowhere, but it was pretty and happy.  It should have
been called HOPE.

In fact, as the days went on, I noticed a number of similarities between
HOPE and HEU:

        1.  Both heavily orchestrated by 2600 and Hack-Tic
        2.  Both had in-house networks
        3.  Both had token "fed" speakers
        4.  Both had seminars on boxing, pagers, social engineering, history,
            UNIX, cellular, magnetic cards, lock picking, legal issues, etc.
        5.  Both drew extensive press attendees
        6.  Both charged more than any other conferences.  (HOPE 25, HEU 50)
        7.  Both had over a thousand attendees
        8.  Both used computer equipment to make photo badges
        9.  Both tried far too hard to be technical
       10.  New York used to be New Amsterdam

But I digress...

Anyway, the network room was beginning to shape up quite nicely.  Young
hacklets were already clicking away at their keyboards, oblivious to
anything else save their screens.  Why anyone would travel all the way to
New York to sit in front of a screen and type all by their lonesome
left me stymied.  Isn't that what we all do back at home?

The first people we ran into were Winn Schwartau and Bootleg.  I could
be wrong, but I think a large factor in Winn's showing up at HOPE was
to watch me get shot and write about it.  He told me his article would
be titled, "Cyber-Christ gets nailed to the Cross."  Bootleg, however, was
here to raise a little hell.  And goddamnit, so were we!

Hacker conferences have always been an excuse for people who only knew
each other over the phone and over the networks to actually meet face to
face and hang out.  Anyone who tells you "Conferences today suck, there isn't
enough technical inpho," is a clueless fuck.  You do not go to a conference
expecting to learn anything.  If you don't already know, chances are pretty
damn good that the people who do won't tell you.  You learn by doing, not by
sitting in an audience at some hacker con.  Get a beer, make some new friends,
and THEN maybe you might pick up something in casual conversation, but at
least you will have a good time getting sloshed with new people who share
common interests.  The only people who will learn something from
hacker conferences are journalists who will then go on to write even
more scathing sensationalist pieces about how hackers will destroy
your credit and eavesdrop on your phone.  Is that what we really
want?

Me, Ice-9, Bootleg, Bootleg's friend from Oregon, and Thomas Icom took off
to drink and see what debauchery lay waiting for us in Times Square.
(Yes, it was a very, very, very mismatched looking group.)  Icom, armed
with ever-present handheld scanner, kept a continual broadcast of NYPD's
latest exploits.

We ended up hanging out on the fringes of Times Square at some sidewalk
deli bullshitting about anything and everything.  A recurring topic throughout
the whole weekend was EMP and HERF weaponry.  I don't particularly know
if anyone in the underground would more excited by setting off one of these
devices, or merely being able to brag to everyone that they were in possession
of one.

We sat talking about the ramifications of setting off some such device on
the roof of the building we were sitting in front of.  The thought of
all the neon and electronics surrounding us simultaneously ceasing to
function and imploding at the logic gate level provided for at least an
hour of hacker masturbation material.  Bootleg reminisced about trying to
track down decommissioned military radar equipment back in the early 80's
for just such a project.  "I'm surprised it's taken this long for the
underground to get up on this stuff," he said.

As we headed back to the hotel, we passed by the coolest vehicle ever
seen by hacker eyes.  The 2600 van was an exact replica of a NYNEX
van, with the subtle addition of the magazines moniker instead of
NYNEX, and a ball-capped hack-type tapping away on a notebook computer,
plugged into the bell logo.  It was truly a sight to behold.  I began
to drool.  All Phrack has is a beat up, red Toyota Corolla.

Up in the network room those that were not deeply engrossed in hacking
the hope.net linux box were either already plowed (Hi Torquie!) or about
to be.

It was late, so we decided to crash.

Ice-9 and I managed to wake up at a reasonable hour, and took off to
see the city.  I had seen an electronics store the night before, and
had been looking for a PAL-NTSC-SECAM VCR for ages.  I found it.
New York's only saving grace (well, except the huge amount of
businesses there all screaming for security work) was cheap consumer
electronics.  For 380 bucks I got a VCR that not only converted on the
fly between any tape format, but also had a digital freeze frame
for those elusive screen captures.  I was stoked.

After some food, we headed back up to the conference.  The buzz was
someone had several hundred cell phones confiscated by Cellular One
reps after he off-handedly remarked that he would clone them
to a potential buyer.  I then ran into two of my friends from WAY back
in the early 80's:  Tuc and Agrajag.  Ag is an amazing guy.  Not only
was he fantastic way back then, he went on to write UNIX for Commodore,
pull stints at places like USL, and is now working with speech
recognition and wireless networking.  Yet another fine example of
those ne'er-do-well Legion of Doom guys the government always
frowned upon.  Right.

Later that afternoon, as I'm talking to someone in the network room, I feel
someone bump into me.  "Oh, sorry," says the person, and I go on with my
conversation.  A few seconds later, it happens again.  Same guy, same
"Oh, sorry."  When it happens a third time I shove the guy back, and
say, "Man, what the hell is your problem."  Mistake.  I look up straight
into the eyes of a guy about 7 feet tall and 2 feet wide.  Well, I'm
exaggerating but it sure seemed that way at the time.  All of a sudden
I am an extra in the Puerto Rican version of "Of Mice and Men."
"De Ratones Y Hombres"

The first guy was about 5 feet tall, and scurried around within an arms
reach of the big guy.  Immediately I realize that if I do ANYTHING, this
big dude is more than ready to fuck me up, so the little guy must be a
diversion.  The big guy grunts and begins to maneuver around me.
The little guy then takes his cue and begins pushing me, all the while
asking "What's your name?  What's your handle?"  I keep backing up keeping
an eye on the big guy, who is staring daggers at me.  Well, at least with
his one good eye.  His lazy eye, stared daggers at the wall, the carpet,
and a few other places.

Meanwhile, this little event has gathered the interest of many in the con.
People began to gather around to see Erik Bloodaxe finally get beat down.
Unfortunately for the would-be spectators, several others tried to intervene.
Tuc and a few of the other larger attendees went up to the big guy and
attempted to hold him back.  This only succeeded in him letting out a
roar-like sound as he shrugged them off and continued coming towards me.

Finally, I say to the little guy, who has been engaging me in what was
basically the equivalent of the mosh pit at a Barry Manilow concert,
(One fucked up guy running into people who don't want to play his game)
"I'm Chris Goggans, who the hell are you?"  To which he yells, "I'M JULIO!"

Julio, aka Outlaw, aka Broken Leg, was one of the MOD members who was
raided by the FBI and Secret Service some years back.  While all
his MOD brethren served jail time, Julio worked out a deal with the
prosecutors in which he sold out his friends by agreeing to provide
state's evidence against them should the cases go to court.

And I'm the bad guy?

Fuck, all I ever did was try to keep my business running free of
interruptions from disgruntled, jealous teenagers.  I never turned state's
evidence against my best friends to save my own ass.  What am I, Agent Steal?

At this point everyone rushed in-between us and whisked Julio and his
lazy-eyed, neandrethal boyfriend out the door.  (Notice, I can call him
all kinds of names now, because I'm back home in Austin, several thousand
miles away.)  I still have no idea who the big guy was.

From now on, those of you who sincerely want to kick my ass, have the
nerve to do it by yourself.  I mean, I only went as far up as green in
Tae Kwan Do, but that was far enough to learn the sacred truth, "Never
take on more than ONE person or you will get the shit kicked out of you."
Leave your boyfriends at home and be a man.  If I have the balls to
go thousands of miles away from home an enter the DMZ expecting to get
shot, then you should have the balls enough to do something on your own.
And remember:  take the first swing.

Shortly after "the incident" as it came to be called, by everyone who
approached me about it afterward, me, Winn, Dave Banisar, and Robert Steele
took off to find food.  Steele decided we needed female accompaniment,
so he invited a reporter from Details.  She brought along her camera crew,
who had been taking so many pictures around the con, one would think
they owned Polaroid stock.

Robert Steele is an interesting character.  After a 20 year CIA tour he went
on to found Open Source Solutions, a beltway operation that uses public
sources of information to build intelligence dossiers.  He described
himself as "a short, fat, balding old-guy."  This is like Rush Limbaugh
calling himself "a harmless, loveable little fuzzball."  Their self-image
is a bit removed from reality.  Steele carries himself with the air of
a spy.  It's kind of hard to explain, but it would be easy to see Steele
excusing himself from dinner, killing three guys in the alley, and coming
back for a piece of apple pie without an accelerated heartbeat or breaking
a sweat.

On top of being so immersed in the spy game, and having been in charge of
the design and implementation of the CIA's data center, Steele takes the
severely radical viewpoint that hackers are America's most valuable
resource, and should be put to productive use rather than jailed.  This
man needs to come to more cons.

Dinner was odd to say the least.  The media people sat together, somewhat
removed from us.  They said approximately 5 words to us the whole time,
possibly feeling somewhat bored by our drunken computer revelry.
The reporter seemed visibly disturbed by all of us, and the guys
looked like they would be more comfortable sitting in a coffee shop
listening to Tom Waits while having a hearty debate over "Freud vs. Jung."

Our discussions got louder and louder as the scotch flowed, and
by the end of the evening most of the restaurant had heard such topics
as "The CIA does most of its recruitment in the Mormon church," and
"licking the floor at a Times Square peep show."  By the time the check
came the Details people were more than happy to pay more than their share
of the bill to get the hell out of Dodge.  A word of advice:  always
get separate checks when dining out with any of us.

Back in the hood, everyone was milling about waiting for the
History of 2600 panel to begin.  There was some kind of problem with
one of the displays, so people were beginning to grow restless.  Right
about then one of the best looking girls at the con wandered by.  Taking
a guess, I asked her, "Are you Morgen?"  She was.  It's almost unbelievable
that someone who would waste time hanging out on IRC and who can actually
interview for highly technical jobs could look like this.

Morgen, Earle, Mr. Fusion, Ixom and Garbage Heap were heading out to
get drunk, all of them rather disgusted by the regular con attendees.
They invited me, so I tracked down Ice-9, who by that time was so ready
for a pint of Guiness you could almost see the Harp Logo showing up
on his skin like drunken stigmata.

We ended up across the street at a little pub called the Blarney Rock.
Pitchers drained like sieves, kamikazes dropped like WWII and tequila shots
went down like Mexican whores.  Everyone was in agreement that this
was the best time any of us had experienced  at HOPE.  In between everyone
drinking, and leering at Morgen, we actually talked about hacking stuff too.
Gee, and we weren't even on a panel!

As the night progressed, almost everyone from the con ended up at the Blarney
Rock.  The con took the place over.  The Blarney Rock probably made
more money that night than they had any night in recent history.
Everyone actually mingled, talked, planned and plotted.  Plans were thrown
around for the next PumpCon (Boston?), everyone talked about "the time
they were busted the first time," Steele showed up wearing a Chinese
Communist Cap, Fusion cursed at passers by in Korean and almost started
an incident, Lucifer 666 relayed in vivid detail his ex-girlfriend's
Fallon-esque ability (much to the shock and envy of everyone listening),
Count0 told his decapitated dog story, and there was much rejoicing.  (YAY!)

As the night went on, Ice-9 and I decided now was the time to actually
check out the seedy underbelly of Times Square.  At 1:00 in the evening.
Alone.  Drunk.  Wide-eyed out-of-towners staggering up side streets in
one of New York City's sleaziest areas.

Within a few minutes of hitting 42nd and 7th, we were approached by a
street hustler.  "Yo, what you need?  Crack?  Smoke?  H?  You like young
girls?  What you need, mah man?"  Ice-9, in his drunken glory, "Yo man,
you don't know who the fuck you're dealing with!  I'm the biggest fucking
felon in the whole goddamn world.  You don't have shit that I couldn't
get, and probably don't already have."  The hustler took a double-take
and said, "Yo, I likes your style."  Ice replied, "You damn Skippy!"

Shortly thereafter, another hustler showed up.  "Yo man, you want crack?
I got the rock right here."  Ice looked at him and said, "Man, if I smoke
any more crack tonight, I'm going to fucking explode."  The dealer went
away fast.

Times Square isn't quite as sleazy as it's made out to be actually.
I've been in worse.  It does, however, have the most extensive and
cheapest collection of European smut this side of Copenhagen.  In fact,
the same movies from Holland would have cost 40 American dollars more in
Holland than they did in New York.  Beyond that, Times Square had little
to offer anyone.  That is, unless you wanted to spend a buck in a
really sleazy peep show to grope some crack whore.  I think not.

Somehow, we made it back to the Blarney Rock alive, only to find that they
had kicked everyone out.  We headed back to our cell and passed out.

The next morning, I came to early and wandered around the hotel.  The second
floor had caught on fire recently, and one wing was completely
barbecued.  All the gutted rooms were unlocked and the phones worked.
God only knows why people weren't using these rooms as squatter's pads,
considering how broke most hackers are.

The main ballroom in the hotel was very cool.  It was easy to see how
at one point in time the Pennsylvania was quite a sight to behold.
I suppose it was much like New York itself in that respect:  Once
a marvel of the modern world, now a festering sore crying out for
a good cleaning and some antibiotic.

We left New York at noon that day, and did not even get the chance to
see the numerous panels scheduled for that day.  With my complete absence
from any panel it's doubtful I would have made it anyway.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, did I like HOPE?  Yes.  I like cons for what they should be:
a chance to hang out in person with your idiot online friends.  Hackers
are an odd bunch.  We are all basically a bunch of self-involved,
egomaniacal, borderline-criminal attention-seekers.  Rarely, if ever,
can we expect to meet anyone stupid enough to share our interests.
Normal citizens, with whom most of us share absolutely no common frame
of reference, look at us as if we were Martians.  Even those
computer-literate folk who talk geekspeak and understand most of
what we are saying are left in the dark when we begin babbling
about breaking into anything.

Collectively, we are all fools, and without the opportunities of
any social interaction with our peers, we will all fall prey to fear,
uncertainty and doubt regarding each other.  We had the social aspect
many years ago in the early 80's with the proliferation of BBSes and
teleconferences.  Now, much of that interaction is lost.  Compared to
our subculture's "Golden Age," the teleconferences and BBSes that exist
today are a pale reflection of the ones of yesterday.  All we have is
the inane banter provided by IRC and the occasional con.

Our only hope is each other.

See you all at Summercon 1995 - Atlanta, Georgia.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

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end