| ==Phrack Inc.== | |
| Volume Two, Issue 13, Phile #3 of 10 | |
| /|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\ | |
| \|/ How to fuck up the world \|/ | |
| /|\ Writen 10:03 pm December 2nd 1986 /|\ | |
| \|/ by the Neon Knights and Metal Communications \|/ | |
| /|\ Thanx to the Metallain,Zandar Zan,Marlbro Reds,ACID,The High Lord /|\ | |
| \|/ Satan,Apple Maniac,The Necrophiliac&The Necrophobic (for theri awesome\|/ | |
| /|\ dox-file skils),SLayer,Megadeth,Overkill,Samhain,The Misfits (fuck yea/|\ | |
| \|/ Hi Glenn!),The Blade,Killer Kurt,and Steve Wozniak even thouhg hes a \|/ | |
| /|\ wimp! /|\ | |
| \|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/ | |
| /|\ Fuck off all niggers jews commusnists retarted /|\ | |
| \|/ arabians peopel who dont own computers and any welfare starving shit \|/ | |
| /|\ headed bastard who doesnt have an Applecat modem! /|\ | |
| \|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/ | |
| /|\ Im not even going to write a list of boards for you to call. Well /|\ | |
| \|/ what the fuck I guess I will put at least one..... \|/ | |
| /|\ Call the Metal AE (201)-(879)-(666)-(8) for the latest in Neon /|\ | |
| \|/ Knights wares and for a cool board/cool sysop/cool wares/just all \|/ | |
| /|\ around cool! /|\ | |
| \|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/ | |
| The Phile itself: | |
| When your like me and get bored eassily its veryt hard to keep fuctiong the way | |
| your parents expet you to. I would go out with Killer Kurt all the time and dest | |
| roy evrything we coiuld find that looked stupid,get drunk off my ass,trip on aci | |
| d(like im doing righ now),use the necronimiconm to summon a watcher to kill my t | |
| eachewrs my douchbag bratty sister and the fat sickining son of a bitch that liv | |
| es next door to me,and my parents would very rarely do anything to try to stop m | |
| e. i gues they just thought i was goin throuhg a phase or sometihg like that. We | |
| ll I finalyl hit upon the perfect combination of things to do that not only get | |
| your parents to reac, the are a hell of a lot of fun and cause so much evil, cha | |
| os, and havoc that Satan will be sure to reservbe a good seat in Hell for you. S | |
| o now Here are step by stpe instructins on HOW TO FUCK UP THE WORLD | |
| Step one:Get.a large supply fo plastics garbage bags, gas or other very flammabl | |
| le shit,and a flamsthrower or somet other way to light fires from a distance (ju | |
| st to make sure you dont die yourself before your ready).Also i forgot to mentio | |
| n,take a good amount of drugs befoere you start doin this so youll be able to fi | |
| nish what you start.I reccommend about three hits of blotter acid (4way album co | |
| ver is best,thats what i use),about 2 grams of weed (smoked),some mescaline if y | |
| ou can get it (arizona is a great place to pick it yourself),and of course the g | |
| ood old american tradition of JACK DANIELS. Most people mix this with coke but I | |
| have invented a new way to do it,which ya do by mixing it with JOLT cola instead | |
| . tHIS (godamn fuckin caps lock key) will get you really goin, you may want to | |
| use some speed as well so you dont pass out and some ludes or other type of down | |
| er just to keep you balancd well. now make sure you can still stand up (once you | |
| get that far the rest will come naturaly) and get in yer pickup (if you dont hav | |
| e a pickup there is no hope for ya!) and drive. Oh remember to take the gas, bag | |
| s, and light with you. | |
| Step two: Drive to a secluded area and preparew for your assault on the armies o | |
| f the conformist bastards. What your gonna be doin here is summoning a demon. Th | |
| is is one of the waeker types according to the Necromnicon so you can control it | |
| easily in your druged state but powerful enouhg to actually be of use to ya. So | |
| draw yer pentagram on the ground,get a Slayer tapepl aying (no motley crue!!! or | |
| the demon will laugh its ass off at you before killing you and eating your soul. | |
| Adn thats a big waste of time not to mention no fun at all.) set candles at all | |
| cardinal points and cut a long incision down the lenght of your arm about frmo | |
| mid-bicep to just before your wrist as you dont want to bleed to death,just enou | |
| gh to get about 3/4 of a pint or so. Drip all this blood inside the pent.,and ch | |
| ant the following: | |
| "YOGGIH PPEDRILS, STOWART EHNTAHL SHILGLI DRAGGULS UOHT!" | |
| Say this5 times and you shoukld noteice the candles flikckering (hmm i blieve th | |
| e rrUSH is starting to come on nwo, this sucker relly was worht 40 a sheet!!)! B | |
| y the way that shit up there that ya say is not nay kind of backjwards bullshit, | |
| it is the real stuff. I paid 40 bux for my copy of the youknowwhat so i oughtta | |
| know. now where was i o yeah. Onece the damn thing appears thjen you gotta estab | |
| lish control over it real qiock before it start getting any ideas. by the way in | |
| caser you wodering what it will look like it is a big motherfucker approx. 20 fe | |
| eet tall with green leathery sking. If you get the wrong one it doesnt really ma | |
| tter that much anywayt since youll be dyin soon but it helps. so now get it to f | |
| ly along above yer truck (tell it to be invisible so ya dont have peopl starin a | |
| t ya!) and drive back to whereever it is that your gonna destroy. | |
| Step three: stop back at yer house wreal quick and pick up the follwng. If you d | |
| ont have all this at house then just go by a hardware storte and a drugstore and | |
| picjk it up. if the owner objkects then just take out his kneecaps with your cro | |
| wbar and he wont be goin anywhere for a long time. | |
| 30 dozen hammers | |
| 50 gallons of paint (asorted colors is nice but not necesary) | |
| (jesus this is weird, have any of you ever seen ther letters on yer screen wiggl | |
| ing and boucing didnt think so!!) now where was i/ | |
| 5-10 tanks of propane | |
| 100+ gallons of gas (for a seperate use than the gas i alreadyu mentiond) | |
| from the drugstore,or your closet if your like me and keep a constant supply of | |
| every kind of drug ever made): | |
| 1,000 doses of pseudoephedrine (there we go,i spelled it right! well ive got the | |
| catalog next to me so fuck it anyway,it doesnt mean shit.neuither does your mama | |
| . i think im getting off track - wel then again it is kind og amazing cause my | |
| ingers are twichin so bad) | |
| 5,000 doses of LSD | |
| 250 doses of qualudes | |
| 600 cases of JACK DANIELS | |
| ok now for the good part. Consume all of these yourself! HAAHAHA! i bet you thou | |
| ght you were suposed to put them in the citys water supply or soething! but now | |
| you better get moving cause this is all gonna take effect within the hour! but i | |
| f ya wanna save some to put in the citywater then go ahead,you wont have quite a | |
| s much fun but who the fuck am i to tell you exactly how to do things. | |
| Step four: Drive to the heart of the city. on the way see how many little old la | |
| dies and fag poodles ya can hit. When ya get to the talest building in town smas | |
| h into a fire hydrant in front of it. now get out and run like a bitch *just hav | |
| e the demon carry all the shit for ya*! and go to the FUCKEN TOP of the building | |
| . here is where you do all this. | |
| Make the demon inhale all the propane, and give him the smaler amount of gas (th | |
| e one I talked about first..go back about 70 lins or so./) to drionk. Now hes al | |
| l set. now YOU have to get on his back. make him carry the hammers and paint and | |
| the largetr amount of gas. Have him take off and fly all over the city aas he fl | |
| ys just throw hammers down at building windows and people and paint at both of t | |
| hose too! Now i bet you thinking i forgot all about those garbage bags and the f | |
| lamethrowr. Hell no i didnt! with the little bit of propane hes got left have hi | |
| m blow up the bags so they make a giant baloon. now you take the big amount of g | |
| as and drink it (after all those other drugs it should be a smnap!) and jump. Wi | |
| th your weight off him and all that propane in him and with that baloon he will | |
| instantly take off straight up into heaven, where he will cause some wicked shit | |
| to happen! As for you, you will fly down and hit the ground, and be goin so fast | |
| that you go right through all the way to Hell. Once you get there all the gas in | |
| you will ingite and BOOM! Satan will be proud of you for sure! a perfect ending | |
| to a perfect day! | |
| /|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\ | |
| \|/ Keep those credits up there excatly as they are (inother words,puttin\|/ | |
| /|\ your K-K00l board up there WONT be tolerated!) or we will fuck you up. /|\ | |
| \|/ If ya dont believe us by now your retarted. -Killer Kurt \|/ | |
| /|\ -And the rest of the 'knights! /|\ | |
| \|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\ | |
| /|\ Copywrit 1986 by Neon Knights/Metal Communications/ /|\ | |
| \|/ Black Death/No Love \|/ | |
| /|\ We're rad...we kill children! /|\ | |
| \|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/ | |
| Oh, and by the way, the above file was a parody by UrLord, Thomas Covenant. | |