ID,Date,Total Comments,Post URL,Perspective,Original_text,Theme
ulx8r8,09/05/2022,11,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ulx8r8/i_want_to_be_happy_for_my_mom_but_i_just_cant/,step child,"using a throwaway here.



for backstory, my (15f) mom and dad split about a year and a half ago - and in this year and a half, she wasn’t present in my life for about 8 months of it. she left to go be with her current fiancé and didn’t contact me once, and she didn’t come back into my life until school started, but by that point the damage was done and i had become very emotionally distant. and in this time a lot of anger and resentment festered as well.



i love my mom. a lot. she’s currently engaged to be eventually married to a man with two daughters (15 and 17) who are kind, but i don’t relate to them and can’t connect with them at all. since she’s come back she’s repeatedly ignored me saying that i wasn’t ready to become integrated into her new family in favor of her new step daughters wanting to meet me. she would constantly force me into situations where i had no choice but to interact with them, and all times they seemed to treat me like i was an alien and seemed extremely condescending.



and yesterday, on mother’s day, my mom announced that she’s pregnant with her fiancé’s child. and i’m not happy for her. i want to be, so badly. but i just can’t. because i know the first chance she gets she’ll leave me for this kid just like she did before. she came back into my life and i got used to seeing her again and now i know there’s only two options - she’ll either force me to apart of this kid who i genuinely don’t care about at all’s life, or she’ll ignore me again in favor of the kid.



i don’t know. maybe im being spoiled because i’ve been an only child all my life, but i didn’t mind my soon to be step sisters. they’re nice. but this is all just too much. im scared that she’ll love this kid more than she ever loved me, because i’ve never been exactly well behaved, and this kid will get the happy childhood i never got to have. part of me wants to be apart of my moms new family but they don’t treat me like im family. they treat me like an alien or acquaintance. i want to tell her that i want no part in her new life but another part of me wants my mom to love me as much as she did when i was a kid. 



i’m not sure if anyones been in a similar situation before, but any advice to help deal with these feelings would be great. i hate feeling like this",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
z4kiyk,25/11/2022,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/z4kiyk/my_stepparents_are_driving_me_crazy/,step child,"For background, I (16nb) have divorced parents. My mom (37f) married my stepdad Damon (50m) 4 years ago and my dad (40m) married my stepmom Jacky (36f) 5 years ago. My parents divorced when my sister (13f) we’re four and one.





Damon is an all around rude person. He hasn’t been very accepting of me since I came out as non-binary and will sometimes call me by my dead name. My mom has been extremely supportive and tries to put him in his place but it doesn’t help. Damon also still calls me ‘his boy’ even though I’m not a boy and I’m not his son. 





Jacky has always tried to get me to call her mom and just in general be ‘my mom’ and either live with her and my dad full time or just stop seeing my mom. Jacky is better than Damon but she still drives me nuts. She is pregnant and tells me how I should call her mom so I don’t confuse my baby sibling and stuff. On the other hand she has been very accepting of me being non binary and has shown that she loves me but I think she is just overly pushy with it.





I do have good days with Damon sometimes and before I came out he was kind of a nice guy, but after I came out he has been this way but he clearly loves my mom and says he cares about me and my sister like his own but I’m not sure.





Just needed a place to vent but any advice would be appreciated. Hope anyone reading this has a good day.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
vetdxs,17/06/2022,10,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/vetdxs/im_jealous_of_my_stepmom_and_i_just_want_my/,step child,"Hi. I am honestly at my wit's end and I need help getting my mind sorted out and my priorities straight. Here's my story, sorry it's a bit long.



So I grew up with no Mom. It was just me and my Dad and my younger brother. They're all I knew. We spent weekdays in foster care and weekends with him. It was an awesome time for me. Of course I would rather have lived with him but we were very little and I understood the necessity for him to work n such. On the weekends, he took a lot of time to play with us and I felt like he was present. In fact, I was a total Daddy's girl and he was my world. I felt like we were a dream team. Sure, we lacked someone, but I didn't care. The foster family was great, and the rest of it, we made work.



That is until one day he opened the door and introduced his girlfriend to us. I was 5 and shocked to the core. He hadn't told us that he was dating, and I realized that apparently, there was no dream team from his perspective because there was a whole adult dimension to him that he didn't bother to tell me about. I felt betrayed because they clearly had been dating for a while, and I immediately disliked her because although she was decent, she felt emotionally unavailable and more interested in my Dad.



Welp, a while after that he asked us kids if he could marry her, and I said Yes because if he felt he needed a romantic relationship, I wanted him to be happy. I certainly didn't need her. I hoped it wouldn't change anything between us. But then they got married and I stepped back to give them privacy...like, I had used to crawl into his bed on Sunday mornings for example, and just cuddle with him, and I immediately stopped doing that bc I was afraid of walking into something awkward. All of the other things that I considered ""our thing"", aka my whole alone time with him, stopped. And he didn't seem to miss it at all. He gave all his time to her now. Then my brother started to call her Mom, and I thought: Traitor. And I thought to myself ""oh well, she's not going to go away ever again, they're already married, she's going to be part of our life forever, so I might as well call her Mom too so I don't look like an asshole"", even though I felt deeply uncomfortable about it.



By the time I was 7 I wanted to tell my Dad that I missed him and that I didn't want to share him with his wife and that I felt excluded, and then BOOM. They announced a baby. And that's when I realized that ""shit, they started to completely live this family without me. They went ahead and did their adult thing and made their happy adult plans, all while I was wondering how to tell him."" I didn't know another baby would ever be on the table when they married. I didn't see that coming at all, it was another shock. And I felt like I should have said smth sooner, and I felt incredibly stupid for thinking that they would be considerate of me. And so I felt forgotten, and replaced, because again they hadn't asked for my permission before they had this baby, and now it was too late to do anything. They had literally started a new family and didn't give a shit about how I felt. To be fair, I never told them. I did this for my Dad's happiness. I withdrew deeply into myself and vanished and gave them their space, because apparently I wasn't important anymore and I deserved it for letting it happen.



Fast forward through my teen years, and I'm starting to ask about my bioMom. My Dad tells me she was severly mentally ill, but she was also a real bitch, and she committed suicide and he blames her for leaving him alone with two kids. And I'm thinking ""oh great, now I don't even have a bioMom to be proud of"". I ask more about her. My Dad refuses because he prefers his new life. I start to identify a lot with her and want to hear positive things as I have to fully take care of myself emotionally and I'm looking for guidance. I'm suspecting that I'm a lot like her, but I'm also ashamed of her because of all the negative stuff that I'm discovering. Physically, I am her striking image. My Dad tells me it's been 20 years, I shouldn't nag him anymore and should stop living in the past.



I miss her because I miss him. To me, this isn't in the past. I have had no Mom, I'm half her which looks bad, I'm jealous as hell of my Stepmom, and I want my Dad to speak positively about my bioMom so I can have a more stable identity. Instead, he tore through my childhood back then without warning. He happily traded our good relationship for a romantic relationship that did close to nothing for me and now he even refuses to give me a positive image of my Mom and a shread of self-worth as a woman. He's shit-talking about her and wants to forget her.



I am 25 now and struggling to build my own life. Getting distance from my Dad has helped tremendously with getting a hang of what I actually want. I admit that I'm still wildly jealous of my Stepmom. For some reason I feel entitled to my Dad's affection as I assumed we shared our grief for a wonderful wife and mother who had sadly passed away too soon. This was never true from his perspective, but it was my first identity and frankly, I think, what any child deserves. I felt like he should have honored my Mom and shared his life with me as I'm his oldest, responsible daughter who dearly loves him, and who was ready to live with the sacrifice. I was also there first. Instead, he redirected the entire family vibe into something that has never felt like home to me. My brother, however, feels fine with it. We haven't talked about all of this and sadly, it drove us apart.



To this day, I can't work because of impostor syndrome that came bc seems like I wasn't even good enough to keep my own Dad from remarrying. The jealousy is still eating me up and I don't trust anyone else emotionally enough to back me up yet. I'm building strong relationships, but those take time and in the meantime, loneliness causes me to be addicted to things. I'm also completely burnt out, spending all my energy still trying to find a way to reconnect with my Dad, because I believe in his good intentions (I respect to a certain point that he got hurt too) and I am admittedly slow to give up. This is getting dangerous as child support will fall away soon and I'm still in the process of getting an academic degree. But I can't just lose him to a pathetic sob story guys. I can't lose him.



Here's my question: To what extent did I have the right to speak into my father's life at 4-6 years old? Is it my fault to be this possessive of him? From my perspective, he was all we had. Then he threw our existing family away and caused me to be unhappy til I moved out. From his perspective, he got himself a new wife and a new Mom for us kids because he couldn't do it alone. To him, the past is long gone and I shouldn't worry about it. Technically, I'm an adult now and should be able to get over it.



But I can't seem to let go. If I'm in the wrong, help me and tell me how to rid myself of that terrible jealousy. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to play second/third fiddle in his life either because I deserve to be put first by someone. I'm still telling myself he's all I have because I have never dated before and although I have good friends now, I'm afraid to solely rely on them as my support network. I'm this () close to break ties with him altogether because the whole thing's exhausting but why should I if he meant well? I want him to walk me down the isle one day as the dream team that we used to be, but he has this completely distorted view of the happy family he built, denying that we are blended and all, which clashes with my own view. I can't live like this. I lowkey like my Stepmom, but I need them both to at least acknowledge my bioMom as having existed and as a good person who got hurt too.



I want our old relationship back but he made his choice: New wife over me. I represent the old. The thing is, if I let him go, I'll be alone and orphaned for good (he broke all contact with the relatives from my bioMom's side, and tbh I have no desire to go looking for them). Rent is due in a month, and I had so hoped to be married by now. But I'm not dating bc nobody deserves to be burdened with problems this huge from their partner. I'd like to deal with my crap first and build a healthy family later. Thoughts?",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
zekn19,06/12/2022,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/zekn19/my_stepmom_is_getting_remarried_to_a_woman_and_i/,step child,"For context I (15m) have known my (step)mom (40f) for most of my life. My real mom died giving birth to me and my dad married her when I was four. She then adopted me and my dad died when I was ten. Now my stepmom has gotten engaged to Christina (45f) and they will be getting married in February. 





My stepmom asked me to walk her down the aisle saying how I’m her son and that she loves me more than life and how it would mean so much to her. I love her but I just don’t know how to feel. Christina has been really nice to me but I’m not sure if I am supposed to let her be another mom to me or if I should start calling her momma or something.





I just don’t know what to feel and I want a great relationship with her but I just don’t know how to do it. Internet strangers please help me.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
14hwrrf,24/06/2023,18,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/14hwrrf/why_do_i_physically_feel_weird_around_my/,step child,"My stepdad moved in about 9 months ago. im a 23F. My mom has had 2 boyfriends live with us in the past. I never felt any weirdness with them. its been about 4-5 years that nobody lived with me and my mom. 



Not sure why i feel physically weird around this new guy. i dont talk to him unless necessary. i hate when he is at home when im home (i just stay in my room). i hate that i hear a voice in my head telling me to cover up when i wear shorts or im braless. i hate when he pets my cat. when i come home from the gym in my leggings, i immediately run to my room. once i was doing yoga in the living room and he decided to make breakfast, ive never felt more pissed. i felt so uncomfortable being in the same space, i paused my session and continued in my room. 



hes never done or said anything malicious but the feeling i get around him is unnerving at times. i feel like ive lost all the freedom and liberty in my own home, it feels invasive.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
mb2c1h,23/03/2021,11,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/mb2c1h/feeling_resentment_from_sp/,step child,"Does anyone else feel like their SP never wanted them around? I have lurked on the r/stepparent sub and sometimes sees posts saying that I can’t stand my step child. However I am always polite and never show it. 



I tend to be very observant and more empathetic than others. So I can pick up these cues easily. I would than internalize it and think it is all my fault. 



I was wondering if others growing up had the same issue. Your SP wasn’t out right rude but you could feel they were guarded around you. 



I don’t always blame them but in general don’t think they understand that even if they do all the caring for a child that needs to be done but you hold yourself back because you can’t stand the kid than the child will still realize you don’t like them. 



I understand kids can be brats and some just make your life difficult. But if the kid is generally good and you still resent the child why are they in the relationship. The kid doesn’t understand why you don’t like them. They think it is their fault. 



Is there a way for the kid not to feel this way and the SP to also be disengaged and only support the bio parent?",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
15yv558,23/08/2023,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/15yv558/my_dad_is_gone_my_stepmoms_house_doesnt_feel_like/,step child,"I (18F) have always had separated parents. I have my biological mother in one home and my father who married my stepmother (we will call her Amanda) 15 years ago. Obviously I don’t remember the wedding. Amanda has always been in my life. For a good while, until I was 9, I lived with my dad and Amanda on the weekends. Living there in that house on (Let’s call it Cranberry Road) was part of the best times of my life. Even if I only had my dad Friday through Sunday. 



My mom was always poor. She never could afford anything more than what we needed. I never blamed her, I understand her and I understand the situation. But my dad made good money and he was able to make my weekends so much fun.



Skip ahead. Amanda and my dad move to another house on (let’s call it Bloomview Rd) when I exit my 8th grade year. Obviously, I’m crushed. That was my childhood home. I have to go to high school in a completely different environment and have to leave my friends.



 I always had mixed feelings about the Bloomview house. It felt more like a house I was living in than a home. And for a time, my space felt like my space. When I turned 14, I decided I wanted to stay with my mom and my dad on equal time since there were no legal agreements. I’d be with my mom one week, then go to my dads for one week. Neither liked this. Not even Amanda. But it was what I wanted and needed for my mental health and my therapist agreed. I felt like a liability. Like I wasn’t welcome because of the back and forth thing. 



But as the years go on and I turn 17 and 18, I’m learning of Amanda and my dad’s financial issues, marital problems, mutual plans to one day divorce. And my dad and Amanda are both frustrated they still have to deal with my mom. With me being there on equal time. That I’m not okay with just seeing the woman who gave birth to me sometimes on the weekends after classes. We fought a lot about it. They thought they would be done with me by now. I’d go off to college, live on campus, and they’d be done. 





I instead chose a community college which has no dorms, which meant I would still go back and forth between houses as I went to school. They HATED it. Hated that I wouldn’t make a choice. Hated that they weren’t done with me and they couldn’t divorce and dad couldn’t move and do whatever he wanted with other women in his life. It became tense. I’d look around my room and it would just feel cluttered with stuff. All the items in it felt like items that I’d have to pack in a moments notice. I felt like I was at a hotel. I felt so unwelcome. Like it was no longer my home.



Three weeks ago, my father had a severe stroke. It affected his ability to speak, to comprehend, to walk, to swallow. And he hasn’t acknowledged anything since. He’s either slept or stared off into space with his eyes open. He’s in the ICU. He may never ever come home again. Nurses have plans to send him to a nursing home for the rest of his life. I am heartbroken. My heart is torn to shreds. Having them both in my life was so important to me. So important. And my heart hurts so badly not having my daddy. I miss him in so so many ways. I fear never being able to speak with him again. I fear waking up to the phone call that he died. I miss him. I even miss our fights. I miss everything.



I recently started college. Yesterday, actually. And my dad couldn’t see it. I have cried so much my throat hurts.



Amanda recently lost a family member and has been closed off from me. I stayed with her for the two weeks after my dad’s stroke. Background on Amanda: she does not express emotions. She does not express love. She doesn’t express anything except for anger when the time comes. Her only way to be close to me is by watching movies together. Eating out. But we never speak of serious things. She believes I should quit school to take care of my dad and the dog full time. That would ruin my life. But she isn’t happy for me to go to school. She isn’t happy that I refused. She doesn’t care about anything but my dad and the dog. I’m sure she cares for me, but not that much. I’m never on her mind. I feel like I’m always in her space. Bothering her. She resents the love my dad has for me. He loves me more than her and she knows it. So she resents me. She picks on me. My dad isn’t there protect me from her like he always did. So it’s a free for all. Whatever she can say, she will say. She always picked on me, but only when dad was gone. She treats me like I am stupid. Laughs when I don’t know something. She seems to kind of hate me.



My dad, the only homey thing I had on Bloomview Road, is gone. My room and that house and all of the things in it are my stepmom’s. It does not feel comfortable. It feels like a place to breathe. It isn’t my space. I’m taking it up. She’s paying for it. And she doesn’t like me. The only purpose me being there solves is so I can watch the dog when she works on the weekends.



I lost my back and forth routine and I am a creature of habit. So now I’m booted to weekends with her. I’m with mom now. She’s supportive but she makes everything about her all the time. But she’s the best I have right now. 



Soon Amanda will be moving somewhere else. She’s looking at apartments. A part of me is excited for the fresh start. But the last remnants of dad’s presence will be gone. I hate being alone with her. She considered moving with a family member, which I was so excited for because I wouldn’t be alone with her, but she decided against it.



I lost my dad. I lost his house. I lost a fundamental part of who I am. And I can’t tell him how sad I am because he is pretty much gone. And Amanda doesn’t care how I feel. 



How to I make peace with it? With sitting in that bedroom which isn’t even mine anymore? I know this is a lot to read. But my head is so full that on a path to a stroke myself. Please help.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
11mi92p,09/03/2023,13,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/11mi92p/why_doesnt_anyone_ever_want_to_be_my_mom/,step child,"My real mother didn't want me so she abandoned me and my dad when I was just eight years old. I remember the day she left when I grabbed onto her leg crying and begging her not to leave but all she said was that she never wanted kids and she was sorry she had to do this. The only thing I have from her is a teddy bear she got me the day she left, I guess to try to soften the blow. When I was eleven (I am now 15 btw) my dad married Jenna. I wanted Jenna to be my new mom so badly but she didn't really seem interested. She is nice to me but that is all, nothing else. We never spend time just her and me, nothing at all.



Today I was helping my dad fix our sink and he told me to get his phone. When I grabbed it I saw that Jenna had texted him about how she wanted to take me to a movie tonight because she ""wants to improve our relationship"" but that I am ""hard to connect with"". I didn't tell him I saw it, I just gave him his phone and helped him. When Jenna got home later I was in my room and she came in and asked me if I would like to go to the movies with her, I will admit I lost my cool and kind of had a breakdown. I cried and asked her why she never tried to improve our relationship earlier, why am I not good enough, and why no woman ever wants to be my mom. She got silent looked down and just left.



Im now just crying in my bed as I type this while holding my teddy bear and I can hear my dad and Jenna talking downstairs loudly. I just want a mom, is that so awful. Why doesn't anyone ever want to be my mom. Why?",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
y0rznh,10/10/2022,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/y0rznh/my_home_doesnt_feel_like_home_anymore/,step child,"My mom's boyfriend moved in with us a few months ago and it's been...rough. I've never been too big a fan of his, and his living here has made me aware of his true colors, which aren't too pretty. All of that aside, the main issue I'm facing is that my home doesn't feel like home anymore. 



My room has always been my sanctuary ever since I can remember. I grew up with three older sisters, so I often played alone and lived in my own little world. I'm not very social either, so my room is where I dwell. My mom made me switch rooms recently so that they could utilize the closet in that room for their stuff. I've rearranged this room several times now; I've moved furniture, added decorations, tried to make it as cozy as I could, and yet, it doesn't feel like mine. I'm no longer comfortable going into the kitchen. I'm only ever in the living room when walking in or out of the house. I leave my room for food or to go to the bathroom, which is common for me, but I no longer feel like I have the freedom to roam around my house comfortably. 



My mom's boyfriend also doesn't respect boundaries or privacy, so he just barges into my room whether the door is closed or not. When my parents lived together, I liked having my door open because it was more welcoming (and not as suspicious). But now, it feels like I have to lock my door just to be left alone. I feel like I have to change how I act, what I watch/do, and what I say, because of how judgmental he is. I just no longer feel welcome or at home. I feel trapped in this house and in this town. How can I overcome this feeling? How can I make a new room feel like my own? How can I feel at home in my own house again?",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
qs0yd9,12/11/2021,17,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/qs0yd9/feeling_about_stepmoms_lack_of_affection/,step child,"I have a question for you stepkids out there! :) 



How would you feel if your stepmom had a baby with your dad and although she was nice and thoughtful to you, she was never affectionate or sought out your company, but was VERY affectionate, verbally loving, doting, etc. on your (half) sibling/her child? Oh, and if your bio mom wasn’t in the picture at all. Would you feel hurt? Left out? Resentful? Jealous? Wouldn’t care? 



Just trying to hear from the “other side”. :)",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
ruc1cw,02/01/2022,7,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ruc1cw/mourning_the_fact_ill_never_have_a_father/,step child,"I grew up with an abusive step dad and a mom who chose him over me and to stay with him. I tried so hard growing up for him to love me and nothing worked.  It hurt seeing him treat my sister (his kid) better than me while he used me like an emotional punching bag. 

I wish I had a dad that loved me growing up and the hardest thing I'm dealing with is coping with the fact that my childhood is over and I'll never have a father who loves me.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
majivh,22/03/2021,8,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/majivh/what_can_i_do_to_have_a_relation_with_my_dads/,step child,"So my (21F) dad has been married to his wife for some years now, she moved in with us 2010ish and our relationship has been rocky. Not that we fight or anything, just some underlying trust issues and not liking each other.



Personally I think she could've treated me and my brother better. She treated us like we were adults when we were kids and did dumb kid stuff. Yes I can admit that I did some stuff I'm not proud of (like using her shampoo but I did same with my mom's stuff so I didn't think it was that bad), and only times I've apologized I've either been somewhat forced to or geniuenly feel bad/and sorry for her. I'm pretty sure she didn't want more kids or just bad at handling kids (she has a daughter who's 9 years older than me). She has never apologized for anything she has done to me and my brother (she wrote once on fb about me and him) and I don't expect an apology from her anymore. Idk if she's too dumb, proud to realize how she has treated us or if she just thinks she's right. Ik my dad and her have fought a lot when it comes to me and my brother, her thinking dad has brought us up wrong and general opinions in his parenting style. I've developed a loooot of anxiety and I think bad self esteem with time. 



Anyways the point is I'm at a point where I want to forgive and forget. Mostly for myself. I don't expect anything from her. I'm hopefully moving out soon for uni (if I get in) so I feel like there is no reason I can't move on, be the bigger person and try to at least not actively dislike her. I want to be indifferent to her, like a classmate you can chat with but not friends with. 



The thing is I get so much anxiety around her. I can barely speak and I don't know what do/say around her. We live in Europe and dad and her got together when we lived in South America, so she mostly just speaks Spanish, which is my second language. So I was thinking it's maybe the language cause I'm not thaaaat confident in Spanish and I only speak Swedish with dad (everyone speaks Spanish at home, just more comfortable with Swedish with dad). 

I've also come to realize I have absolutely nothing, at all, whatsoever, to say to her. Nada. So maybe that's another reason I can't speak to her? 



I've been at dad's place now for two days, yesterday we didn't even see each other. She woke up at like 2pm and then she and dad went out all day. I never left my room when she was home. I wanted to at least say hi or something but the anxiety prevented me from doing so. And ik that the more I avoid the issue the more anxiety I get and I don't want that for myself, or to let her have that type of power over me (intentional or not). 



So basically I need advice or what to do. How to handle the anxiety and what to say. Because I really don't have anything to say, and ik I'm being rude avoiding her and I don't want that. It's just that I am so lost on how to even begin doing anything. Have you guys gone through something similar?",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
yds28h,26/10/2022,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/yds28h/i_dont_know_how_to_adjust_to_my_new_stepmom/,step child,"I (13m) have two moms. My mom (34f) and my momma (33f) got divorced when I was 10 because my momma cheated with her girlfriend. My mom started dating my stepmom Payton (29f) when I was 11.





I love my moms so much but I know that I wasn’t good enough or else momma wouldn’t have cheated so I know the divorce was my fault but I still love them both. My momma has stayed with her girlfriend that she cheated on my mom with Kari (36f). Me and Kari have an alright relationship but I don’t spend much time with her and I tend to only spend time with my momma at her house.





My mom proposed to Payton a few months ago and they will be getting married soon. Last night (technically last night cause it’s 2 am) at dinner my mom asked me if I wanted to walk her down the aisle at their wedding. I don’t know why but that made me start crying and when my mom tried to hug me I pushed her away and went to my room and locked my door. 





I just miss having my moms together. I miss having my family together and it’s all my fault because I wasn’t good enough. It doesn’t matter if both of my moms said that during the divorce that it had nothing to do with me I know that’s a lie because if I had just been a better son my momma wouldn’t have left us and we would still be a family.





Me and Payton have an alright relationship and my mom has had me spend time with her so I can get to know her and she is nice and pretty cool but I just don’t know if I really want to bond with her.





Does anyone have advice on what to do cause I truly don’t know anymore.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
q0aspr,03/10/2021,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/q0aspr/update_are_my_stepsister_and_i_wrong_for_what_we/,step child,"I tried talking to my mom but it was really hard talking to her and I didn’t really know what to say. She said to maybe make another post because it helped me last time. I don’t know how my mom knowing my stepsister and I are upset is going to change anything. It won’t bring back her mom, Its not going to cause me to see my dad more, and its not going to stop the little kids from being loud and getting a mom and dad. My mom noticing me more isn’t going to change it.



 My stepdad tried to go with my stepsister to her mom’s grave again today even though she made it clear that he is not welcome since he divorced her. We don’t get why he keeps trying. Its my birthday next week and I don’t even want to celebrate because I know my younger siblings will try and blow out the candles of my cake. I don’t even care about blowing them out myself but why do they get to. I know that I have to the bigger person and let them because they’re little and it obviously makes them happy. I don’t get to see my dad until the end of the month. We are being forced to go to therapy. 



My stepdad wanted to talk to me so I let him talk but I didn’t say much back. He said that he loves me the same which doesn’t even seem scientifically possible and I’ve read the stepparents reddit so I know what they think deep down. He didn’t meet me until I was 10 so it makes no sense. I think that he should love my stepsister the most because the younger kids are the most loved in the house and he’s her only parent. 



Talking to them is making us resent them because its embarrassing that they are making us feel so bad. Nothing is going to change so we might as well just all move on. My stepsister said that maybe we’ll just be stronger and have more character than the half-siblings because we have suffered way more than them, but I don’t really have a response to that because something bad can happen to them too and its kinda a mean thing to say. I truly wish the best for mom, stepdad, and their kids and I hope they never feel the same way my stepsister and I do.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
u8ptf8,21/04/2022,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/u8ptf8/me_and_my_stepdad_has_never_had_a_relationship/,step child,"...And my mom and my step-dad has been together since I was 8-9. I'm 21 years old now.



He's in essence a nice, proper guy. He's just very aloof and introverted. Not at all a people person. He speaks very little words, and has throughout my life living with him, spoken extremely little words to me. Ever since they started together and I was just a little kid, I've always questioned if he really ever liked me or not. I mean, if you were around a person all the time, but they barely looked at you or spoke to you, I think you'd start to question that too.



He has never taken any interest in my life or who I was. For example, he never asked me how my day at school was or how dance class was. He has never asked me about my likes/dislikes, my interests, etc. As a kid, I used to ask him those types of questions, because I've always been interested in people's likes/dislikes, opinions and stuff like that, but I eventually stopped, because he would always respond with short, almost one-worded answers.



There are many times when I've arrived home from school and said ""Hi"" to him (because that's what we do in our family), and not gotten a ""Hi"" back. He just stares at the TV or his laptop. There are also many times when I've asked him a question, like a really normal question like ""Have you had a nice trip at your cottage?"", and just not gotten a response back. It makes you wonder, does he not want to talk to me? Or does he just not hear me? Or does he simply not see responding as an obligatory thing to do?



We have never, ever done things together, one on one. Not watched TV togehter, not taken a walk together, not listened to music togehter, not made food together, literally nothing.



I know that in order to build a relationship, there needs to be effort from both sides, but considering that I was 8-9 back when they first started together, I think he had more responsibility to initiate the relationship that I had. I mean, I was just a child. A shy kid. Later, as I've grown older, I've tried to sort of initiate some small talk with him, but it has just ended up feeling awkward and unnatural, because you can hear how much he's disinterested in it.



I never thought I was particularly annoying or ill-behaved as a child either. I mean, I had my moments of misbehaving here and there, but doesn't every child? I've always been very calm and quiet too. I've especially always tried to act pleasant and well-behaved around him, because I've just never wanted him to dislike me.



Isn't all this kind of weird? Still, to this day, we pass each other by like strangers when we're in our house.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
zxvsun,29/12/2022,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/zxvsun/stepdad_can_go_fuck_himself/,step child,"He is a former nurse and marine with a truly awful childhood, I know this contributes to how he acts and how he handles his emotions. But the man is a hypocritical chauvinistic dog fucker. I can make a laundry list of occasions where he was a major hypocrite but that would make this too long. He acts like he knows all and is never wrong even when you present the facts he still claims he is right and the facts are fabricated. He then uses me as a punching bag for his thoughts on my generation when he fails to see that his generation is the one that raised us and set everything in motion that is happening today. With his hard life he thinks he never needs to apologize for anything even when he is out of line, not even an acknowledgement that he was. My mom is constantly coming to me venting and eventually breaking down crying about how he is acting towards her or treating her. Obviously doesn't listen to her at all and tells her half assed solutions to anything she brings up just so he doesn't have to listen to it. For a while I thought he was dating my mom because we were in a bad place. A charity relationship to fill his ego. I'm staying home till I finish my schooling then moving out, when I do I want as little to do with him as possible, I refuse to allow him to be a part of my life any longer than necessary.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
10yg046,10/02/2023,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/10yg046/i_dislike_my_stepdad/,step child,"I (M15) have issues with my stepdad, he has a biological daughter which he favors, he treats us very different.



He spoils her and gives her a lot of attention, meanwhile I’m left out and rarely receive any attention or anything. They both spend every day together upstairs playing video games. Whenever me, my mom, and sister get home from school he only greets my sister and only her and doesn’t pay any attention to me or my mom and he doesn’t spend any time with me or her, he’d rather spend time with his daughter instead since that’s the only thing that matters to him, we’re practically nothing to him.



My mom isn’t really a big fan of what they do and how he acts, we both agree that he acts immature and childish. Whenever he and my mom interact they always argue about something small and dumb, and whenever they argue he always has to insult her and call her names. She always threatens to leave him but never does, they some how make up in the end. At best she’s a single mother taking care of 2 kids and a grown man, he might as well be considered a child since he technically already acts like one. 



I forgot to mention that we’ve been pretty distant with each other lately, I don’t remember when the last time we had a proper conversation was. Is there anything I should do? Is he the one who’s the problem?",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
vphobo,02/07/2022,1,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/vphobo/i_need_advice/,step child,"I'm 14 f, and I hate my Stepmother. My parents have been divorced since I was 2, so having a Step mom isn't new to me. I love my Step father, he's been in the picture since I was 3, and loves me and takes care of me and my 2 half siblings. 

  My bio dad has been married 3 times, engaged 2 more times, and I have one half brother from his previous wife. I don't have anything against Step parents, but I just despise his current wife. 

  She tells my father to not let me come to their house, and instead makes him take me to my grandparents house when I visit him. I'm so mad. I feel so unwanted by her. I don't know why she doesn't like me. I have only spoken to her a couple of times. She doesn't like my brother either. I feel like my dad puts his love over me and loves her more.

 I don't know what to do anymore. I want to see my dad, but every time I see him I wanna break down and cry because I know he loves his wife more. This situation seriously affects my mental health and I don't know what to do. Is it wrong I kinda wish she cheats so they would get a divorce? Or he divorces her? I don't know what to feel, think, or do.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
q93gs8,16/10/2021,19,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/q93gs8/am_i_mean_for_holding_a_grudge_against_my_stepmom/,step child,"I live with my grandparents now after this happened but my dad has been texting everyday telling me that he thinks I'm perfect and that I'm everything he wants in a daughter so idk if I should just go home because I guess my dad is innocent.



My mom passed away a long long time ago, but my dad put me in therapy as soon as I started Kindergarten and did everything right so I'm thankful for that. He married my stepmom later. SM never forced the mom role but did mom things for me and after being in therapy for a while, I realized that it was ok to call my stepmom ""mom"" and that my mom would be happy that I had a girl in my life to help me.



My stepmom got pregnant and I was REALLY excited to have a little sibling and to be a family of four. Keep in mind that I genuinely thought my stepmom considered me to be her daughter so I didn't have the feelings that many stepkids have of being left out/not feeling good enough.



One day when I was not supposed to be around, I heard her talking to her mom (who I call grandma and I also thought she accepted me!!) and said that she was scared that her baby would like me and she doesn't want to keep any pictures of her baby that would look like me. My ""grandma"" responded that she won't look like me because she has my dad's and stepmom's genes and none of my mom's genes would be involved. She said the baby would have great genes because the only genes that the baby will share with me are ones from someone she loved.



Guys I really really tried hard not to cry but I just burst into tears on the spot. My stepmom and grandma freaked out and said that she was just hormonal and that there was nothing wrong with me but I just needed to run away, so I ran to my mom's parents house. My mom's parents called my dad and yelled at him and he came over immediately and told me that he loved me, but my grandparents said they were going to sue for rights and the judge said I could live with them.



my stepmom has been apologizing but idk what to do and if I should go home",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
pwo0v8,27/09/2021,8,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/pwo0v8/are_my_stepsister_and_i_wrong_for_what_we_said_to/,step child,"here’s some background:

my mom and dad divorced when I was 8 and my mom got remarried to my stepdad when I was 10. My dad is the coolest but I barely get to see him. My stepdad has a daughter my age and then they had another son and daughter when I was 11 and 12. He was also previously divorced, and her mom ended up passing away when were 12. 



my stepsister and I hated each other and the opposite parent and own parent at first. 



then one day when we were 13, we really. bonded one night and realized that we were in the same position and should be a team. We realized we could stick up for each other and actually have an ally. We became really close and became really detached from the our siblings and parents. It made coping a lot easier on us and made it easier to be friendly to the other members of the family because we felt like we had each other no matter what. 



We are 16 now and my mom and stepdad keep asking why we’re so good to each other but not close to anyone else. I told them because it was annoying and hard to watch them have new kids who they felt deserved a real family while we had to wonder why they didn’t think we were good enough to have a home with a mom and dad. my stepsister (honestly my real sister) added that we were always alone because they cared more about finding love and making a family than us so we realized that we had to  care about each other.



my mom is really upset and my stepdad is mad and they both say we aren’t being fair and it’s wrong of us to think that they don’t care/don’t want us to have family/care more about having a  romantic relationship than us. 



If we’re wrong we will apologize because we don’t want there to be conflict for the last 2 years in that house.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
10z9rtr,11/02/2023,19,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/10z9rtr/i_feel_so_unloved_in_my_stepparents_and_bio_dads/,step child,"I live with my bio dad, my step mom, and her 5 bio kids. 

I often feel like an after thought. I get it, of course I won’t be the priority to my step mother’s life, and I don’t resent her for it. But I’m never really thought about. One of the bio kids is my older step sister (I love her dearly, she’s generally nice to me and we get along just fine) got her permit when she turned 16, and I was told i’d get mine a year later when I turned 16, but it never happened. 



In fact, she(my step mom) refuses to teach me how to drive simply because she’s not my biological mother. She refuses to do a lot of things for me because of that reason.

What I need is often put last. I’m a senior in high-school and my dad refuses to fill out federal aid and my step mom said she’d help but she hasn’t. I need my cap and gown and I haven’t gotten it. I had to get my own job so I could pay for things like college applications and tests. 



By bio dad isn’t much better. He does the same things as her. They laugh at me when I cry, get upset at me when i’m provoked and yell at my siblings (often times who are yelling or laughing at me), I haven’t gotten a birthday present from them in years (yet I get my dad stuff for his birthday, christmas and fathers day)

They don’t even buy me basic needs anymore. I buy my own shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, etc. 



I just turned 18 last month and because they don’t necessarily help me I’ve had to go out of my way to get all the things I need to adult (ID, Bank account, etc)



I just don’t feel loved here. They don’t like that I cry, they haven’t set me up for adult life, they don’t even pay attention to me all that much. It just sucks is all.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
15c3bjr,28/07/2023,17,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/15c3bjr/vent_ig/,step child,"i hate my dads wife. i don’t even want to say stepmom because it makes me feel sick. she isn’t a terrible person either, i just hate her. she acts like she knows my dad better than i do and it makes me feel bad. like i’ll find out new stuff about my dad and she will add on and be like “oh yeah and he did this and this and this” like i just want her to shut up! and her son is a nightmare. he is 6 and such a spoiled rotten brat. 



recently my dad and her got married. they didn’t even ask me to be in the wedding, they just assumed. i told them i wasn’t going and they did not like that, for obvious reasons. my dad texted me about it and i told him i can’t go, i just don’t feel comfortable with it at all. then later i told him i would go under the conditions that i wouldn’t be in any pictures, i would buy my own dress (with his approval), and i would not have to talk to anyone. he did not respond to me when i told him this so i just left it alone. then a few days later, i was hanging out with my dad, having a good time and SM texted me. she basically was trying to guilt trip me into going to the wedding, saying my dad never asks anything of us, and that it would make him so sad if i didn’t go. she also said that this was a “once in a lifetime experience” which i laughed at because it’s both of their’s second wedding. i responded by saying i told my dad that i would go under certain conditions and that i didn’t appreciate her texting me about this and that i knew it would hurt my dad, but what about me? no one took my feelings into consideration. and i am not a selfish person. i also never ask for anything, so why am i the bad guy for putting my feelings first (which i don’t do often) ?! she then told me i was the most disrespectful person for talking to her the way i did, and that she didn’t care if i didn’t appreciate her “talking” to me about it. (that wasn’t what i said, i said texting!!) she also said she didn’t know about these “conditions” because i never talked to her about it. (maybe the person you’re marrying should be the one to communicate with you?!) and i just didn’t respond to her. i went to my room and then my dad texted me saying i was a bad person for speaking to her that way and that he wasn’t going to be manipulated by me (talking abt the conditions of which i would go) and how i was responsible but maybe i need to be reminded how to speak to adults. i just told him i was sorry and didn’t leave my room the next few days until i went to my moms house. i told her what happened and she said she would feel sad if i didn’t go to her wedding but also she didn’t like the way SM was speaking to me. she also told my therapist and sent her the ss of my texts between me, my dad, and SM. my therapist told me she didn’t “pick sides” but i could tell she agreed with SM. it hurt my feelings honestly. i should’ve been able to talk to her about it but i felt unwelcome to. she had me do an appointment with my dad. basically the whole time it was them telling me how i felt which was not fair or accurate. that left a bitter taste in my mouth with my therapist too.



anyway- the wedding was over a month age, i didn’t go. it’s over now, whatever. but i still don’t like SM. she is also rude to my mom, never acknowledges her when my mom is polite to her! my mom waves everytime she sees her and all SM does is put her head down. it’s embarrassing honestly. the reason i am so upset now is because SM took my dads last name and it hurts me that she did that. that is MY last name. AND MY MOMS!!! (my mom never changed hers after the divorce because she doesn’t like her maiden name) after she did that i blocked her on facebook (wasn’t friends with her in the first place) but because it made me feel sick seeing her name with MY last name. she texted me yesterday, the first time since the incident abt the wedding. she just wanted to know what sun i wanted for a beach party on sunday (that i didn’t know we were going to.) but i didn’t respond because i don’t want to go to whatever event i wasn’t told about. also i don’t want to talk to her. honestly the only reason i haven’t blocked her is in case of an emergency (my dad got into an accident several months ago and i have a lot of anxiety abt it.) but idrk what to do. i feel unwelcome in my own home. everytime she is home when i am (which is a lot of the time bc our schedules are similar) i stay in my room. i hate being around her and her son. maybe i’m the bad guy but idk, i can’t get over it. she makes me feel so small and disrespected. my safe space is school but it’s summer rn so i don’t even have that. anyway- rant over lol",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
159qet0,26/07/2023,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/159qet0/on_saturday_i_gotta_go_to_my_stepdads_parents/,step child,"Basically what the title says, on Saturday I gotta go to my stepdads families ranch because it’s his dad’s birthday but I really don’t wanna go. For context Iam 18 but I don’t got a license so I can’t really go anywhere and also, it’s gonna be a party",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
14pq5nh,03/07/2023,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/14pq5nh/ive_been_feeling_left_out_as_an_adult_child_25_of/,step child,"This is my very first Reddit post so I actually have no idea what I’m doing lol.



For context, my sisters and I all are young adults (29,25,22) and my dad remarried a woman with kids from a previous marriage (early teens). My dad was not present much during his 1st marriage with my mom and it was honestly a very stressful environment. They both had unhealthy relationship habits, but ultimately my dad had an affair that ended the relationship. 



Fast forward some time and my dad remarried my stepmom. My sisters and I all love her and she is an amazing woman who loves my dad. I am truly happy for them both and her kids are great too, but I am not close with them because of age gap and they live almost 3 hours away. But in the last ~2 years, I feel like I’ve noticed passive gestures of exclusion towards my sisters and I. My sisters and I only see my dad for birthdays, holidays, or when someone is able to visit which hasn’t been possible this past year because they’re house was affected by a natural disaster so there was nowhere for me to stay if I did visit. Before this happened though, I was visiting them and I saw in the living room they had done those professional family photos framed on the shelves. My sisters and I were not asked to be involved and it really hurt (still does, but ya know). I just started to notice then how little we see our dad, even for big things in our lives. Both my sisters graduated from beauty school during that time, and I remember them feeling sad he (and step family) wasn’t there. 



But the most recent instance is they are taking a family vacation with her biological children while not attempting to include us. I want to really stress that I understand I am an adult and I in no way expect a trip paid for by them. Even if my sisters and I couldn’t go, I feel like just asking/making efforts to include us would really mean the world to me/us. They have done a few vacations without us and my sister told me how she had talked to my stepmom about it previously. She said what I said how obviously we as adults will not expect them to pay for our vacation and that just an invite would mean the world. Over the weekend, my dad and stepmom said they were going on vacation with the kids next week. I had a quick knee jerk reaction because I had been really missing time with my dad lately and mentioned how I feel upset because I’ve/we’ve been feeling kinda left out lately. But I fucked up because they had been drinking and I wasn’t much because I had to drive and it wasn’t fair for me to do that. However, it was so reactionary and it really was coming from a vulnerable place of trying to spend more time with my dad and step family. But her reaction was not what I was expecting at all. 



She mentioned how my sisters and I are adults and they can’t afford to take everyone on a vacation and her kids deserve to have vacations because my sisters and I went on them when we were kids. It really caught me off guard and I tried to explain my feelings aren’t about the trip itself per-say, but about wanting to feel more included/apart of the blended family. I explained I was not in anyway trying to guilt them for going on vacation or that her kids don’t deserve a vacation and that it’s not about the money (meaning I don’t expect them to pay), it’s about feeling included. I then asked her if she could at least see where I was coming from in feeling upset and she said “no.” I realized what I was saying was not registering with her because she kept bringing it back to her kids and not being able to afford taking everyone. This goes back to when I said they had been drinking and it wasn’t right of me to bring it up then. So I we just kinda moved on from the conversation, but I called them the next day asking To talk when they get back from vacation. 



I truly am happy for them and I really don’t care about them going on vacation without us. But I wish there would be more of an effort to include us especially because my sister had this same conversation with her previously. We do not expect/want them to pay and may even be busy, but just ask. Or even if they don’t want us there, just say it. It would absolutely hurt and it would be shitty, but at this point I wonder if that’s the case because it’s not hard to ask. Especially if it would help my dads kids feel like we are apart of the family. But my older sister is actually really shitty to my dad and I would hate to feel like her relationship with him is affecting my stepmoms relationship with us. Because I understand she is also his partner and wants to protect him.



There’s just so many factors in this family dynamic that all contribute to this. I just felt really invalidated the other night and I am really upset about it. Am I just wrong in general? I have been preparing all week doing research and trying to figure out how to talk to them about this when we sit down. I just want to spend more time with my dad and step family and I want to feel more included in the family. I also want to open up the floor for any shortcomings on my part and what I can do better for them when we talk. If anyone has any advice how to communicate this, please do! Also if I am just being unreasonable I’d like to know too. I can’t find anything online that cos similar to my situation so perspective would be helpful too!",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
mo9afv,10/04/2021,8,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/mo9afv/i_just_feel_like_ive_been_completely_replaced_and/,step child,"Okay so sorry but it's gonna be long. 



Td;lr dad completley forgot about his promises and basically ignored me all day, after taking stepmoms side on everything. Grandma and uncle also cant have me over for coffe. Also rant about stepmom and dad



Yesterday my(20f) dad(47m) had his one year anniversarry with stepmom(28f). Me and my brother came here like a week ago for easter holiday(so biobro is free from school)



Being the good step daughter i am, i took my bio 8 year old brother and went to spend the night at my uncle's,to give them some privacy. 



*notes: the day before stepmom told me that everytime we are at my dad's (me every two weekends and my brother  [every june (the whole month) and every 3 months (for a weekend)] and that from now on she's gonna be ""the evil stepmother"" because my brother had a panick attack last night and i couldnt calm him down so his crying woke her and stepbrother(8months old) up. She kept asking how long are we gonna be there and told me directly that she can't stand my bio brother and that she and dad always fight when ""we(me and bio brother) "" are here. 



*a week ago my stepbrother cried all night long and stepmom HAD to keep all the doors open and carry him in the hallway



Today i had some greening (clean a local river) to do, at 8am. Dad promised me that he'd come to pick me up and drive me there but he forgot. He hasn't called me all day and when i tried to call him he did not pick up the phone. 



I went by myself, worked for 9 hours and then i wanted to take the train(half an hour ride) to visit grandma. She has guests over so i couldn't. I called my uncle to hang out but he was with my bio brother. Not that i have anything aganist it,but he promised that he'd take me with them when i'll be finished with my greening thing. He was too busy to come get me. 



My boyfriend is at some cabbin having fun and i dont wanna vent to him right now and ruin his fun. 



Im also very stressed out because dad is very stressed out but he cant tell anything to stepmom because she doesnt care/she threatens that she will leave him, he cant tell anything to bio brother bc hes the golden kid and well my stepbrother is a baby. So all his frustration are coming to me to the point that almost all comunication between me and dad is screaming. I generally end up crying if i manage to get out of the house to walk the dog/buy something/whatever. I dont want to cry in front of my dad.



And that's been my week so far. Besides the screaming, now he always takes stepmoms side, she is always right and im always wrong. He never did that before, usually he was fair. I feel replaced. 



Also im an emotional wreck because i just realised that the week my 3 cats went missing was the week stepmoms big dog got back home.( the dog in question attacked my cat another time bc stepmom brought him onto the cats little pen and attacked 3 people, one of which needed stiches.) hes not a bad dog, i loved him and we were good pals but he will kill anything smaller than him.  What a weird coincidence that the week it came back my cats ran away, right? 



Also my socks and bio brothers shoes go missing here,but when i found my sock in the trash and showed dad,he said stepmom made an "" honest mistake"". Also i have to keep buying hangers everytime i come over because they misteriously vanish into thin air. Again, when i told dad""hey i had hangers i bought them last time and now they are missing"" he really picked on the ""they are missing part"" and lashed out telling me that i ""accuse people of stuff just because"". 



I might be annoying for her to have stepkids over but for christs sake she was with my dad when he was married to my mom,she knew dad had kids. Yes i know my dad is a massive asshole but to me he was just kind and nice and we could talk about everything before. Also because he takes his anger out on me. 



And now he puts stepmom above me and i just feel replaced by her and rejected by my relatives. I already tried disscusing with him,but he just thinks i hate stepmom and im wrong/im lazy/ he told me to do so and i didnt/whatever, he never ACTUALLY listens.



He just replaced me. With a ho 8 years older than me. Not only did he replace me but he puts her above me.



About my mom: shes cool and i normally live with her but i must stay with my dad for another week to finish some classes in his town. Yes, she spoke with dad and her was nicer for like a day and a half. I just called her and she told me to come home tomorrow.



I just feel like not going back at dads at all and living on the streets because i cant stand that home anymore. I know i cant do it, but i just cant handle it anymore.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
kqk85h,04/01/2021,13,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/kqk85h/how_often_your_stepparent_reminds_you_are_not_his/,step child,"One of the often arguments I hear from my stepdad is that I am not his so why he should have felt responsible for anything? When I said him he should  acted better during parenting me, his answer was that he was not responsible for parenting me and could basically do anything because he is not my father. Also he has big obsession with how much money he poured into me because I am not his. So how do you react on remarks you are not the one he concieve?",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
jzvvyn,24/11/2020,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/jzvvyn/stepdad_talks_about_me_behind_my_back/,step child,"so. my mom and stepdad have been together about 4 years now, and they’re on the brink of a divorce. my dad lives across the country so i don’t really have any financial assistance or anything like that from him, which is fine and has never been an issue for me before since i’ve been working since 16. 



well, a couple months ago i bought a used car. i took out a loan and put $1000 down in cash (which i worked for) and have been making regular payments. however, i didn’t have any credit when i got the car since i had just turned 18 so my mom had to co-sign. 



he had a huge problem with this. i rode home in a separate car and on the ride back he told my mom that the only reason i would be able to afford my car was because my dad was going to send me a bunch of checks to cover it. 



sure. 



i got over that, but then one day my nana came over and my mom was showing her a house that she wanted to look at. he comes out of his bedroom and starts ranting and raving about how i wasn’t going to make my car payment therefore they wouldn’t be able to buy a house, since they were going to be responsible for the car and i had screwed them, basically. 



i live under their roof for now, but that’s just so i can save up enough money to move out and not be worried about not having enough money to make it month-to-month. hearing the different things he’s said about me makes me genuinely wonder what i ever did to make him hate me so bad. i’ve seen these long paragraphs he sends my mom about me and all he ever talks about is how i’m spoiled and i don’t deserve to have the things i have, even though i’ve bought every expensive thing that i own. 



i just don’t know what to do anymore. all my stepsiblings hate me, which i don’t really care about, but i know it’s because he’s said different things to make them think badly about me. i’m just so tired of working so hard and being called a brat. i’m paying my own insurance, phone bill, car payment, tuition bill, and i buy my own groceries. i work 50 hours a week and i’m in college. i just don’t know what to do to make this stop.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
jduis9,19/10/2020,12,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/jduis9/i_fucking_hate_my_step_mom_and_the_pandemic_is/,step child,"Hello reddit. 



So my dad's wife is the most condescending psycho bitch I've ever met. And ok maybe I'm a little biased, since she and my dad were having an affair before my parents got divorced, but she is genuinely one of the worst people I know. I would never, ever want to be friends with someone like her. She's manipulative and uses this to control my dad. In the past it's gotten to the point where my uncle has had to fly in from out of state to help mediate the situation. The other night I overheard her say that people who don't go to college are ""trash."" That's the kind of person she is. She's also always shitting on the US. Which I know we're not doing great right now but I really just want to tell her she can go back to her fucking country if it's so shitty for her here (and before you say anything, I'm Asian myself, I was born in the US and certainly recognize its flaws, but I'm proud to be a citizen). She constantly spews fake shit and lies to back up her shitty ass arguments. Oh also I hate the way she laughs. and every time she sings I'm pretty sure a cute animal dies. I hate her on a fundamental level, I hate her guts, her personality, everything. She's ugly inside and out. She has personally said that she finds kind people ""weak"" and ""pushovers,"" and to have friends you need to be financially successful and powerful. She has told me she wishes my parents got divorced earlier so my dad wouldn't have to pay so much spousal support to my mom. I hate her. If it weren't for this stupid pandemic I would never have come back by choice. I think the worst thing about this is she makes me dislike my dad. Like how could someone like him end up with her? I think your S.O. mirrors who you are and I don't know what their relationship says about my dad as a person. 



This pandemic is making everything worse because I didn't expect to have to move back into my dad's house after graduating college (looking for a decent job in the entertainment industry right now is...a joke). I highly value my independence and hate the fact that there's this new ""parental"" figure in my life. I don't need her. I don't want her. Seeing her face ruins my day. Before I move out I will tell her exactly what I think of her to her face, but for now I really  need to control myself and not make things worse.



Just really needed to rant. If you can relate please comment below because I'm going insane.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
j8bpvh,10/10/2020,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/j8bpvh/i_feel_like_most_of_my_childhood_experiences_with/,step child,"This won’t be a long post, as I don’t want to spew too much about this. Just wondering if anyone has been in a situation where they’ve never felt genuine love from a step parent? I was always under the impression throughout my childhood that I was in the way. He would throw so many fits, some being about not being paid enough attention to by my mom. Anytime he acts like a huge ass he can’t even admit that he did any wrong. He’s screwed up/not treated me with respect too many times now. I’m 22 and thankfully don’t live with them anymore, but I do rely on them for certain things. It feels really bad knowing that he is too far gone as a person and that I can no longer stand being on speaking terms with him. I’ve already cut out my narcissistic, abusive sister. I know this wasn’t very detailed but it just sucks feeling like half your immediate family wanted you gone from the get-go. I feel broken because of them.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
irotp2,13/09/2020,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/irotp2/my_step_dad_undaughtered_me/,step child,"My stepdad un-daughtered me



So I was in a toxic relationship for a couple of years and finally got out of it last June. I met someone who I am head over heels in love with and started dating them in November. (I have known him for 3 years before this) and I have become a better person, I am happier, more positive, making choices that I want to rather than pleasing those around me. My step dad told me that he thinks that my boyfriend is controlling my life, i.e. having my phone all the time, me needing permission to get a “legitimate” job (I lost my job due to covid and I am a social media manager now), telling me who to be. 

Now, I understand somewhat where he is coming from, I have changed, but I am no longer in a toxic relationship.  My man treats me like a queen and supports me and is helping me get through the trauma I have endured from my ex. 

My step-dad won’t respond to my texts or calls, he doesn’t want to hear my views and doesn’t even try to understand where I am coming from. He has Un-friended me on Facebook and unfollowed me on Instagram and won’t acknowledge me when we’re in the same room.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
iawvjo,16/08/2020,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/iawvjo/im_tired_of_this/,step child,"I’m new to this sub, but I looked for it specifically so I could vent. Sorry if it’s a bit long.



My stepmother is great. She’s been my stepmom for 5 years and I do love her. I love her, but recently I’ve began to LIKE her less and less. Let’s call her SM.



Just a few minutes ago SM cornered me in the hallway and did this whole “disappointed in you” bs thing because she thought I left an empty box of cookies in the cabinet. Which, I didn’t. She went on and on about how she “expects more from me because I’m old enough to know better” and she feels like both she and the house are being “disrespected”. All because trash was left in the cabinet.



I didn’t even leave the box there. I had maybe 3 cookies out of a 10-cookie packet, yet when someone else eats them all, IM the one who gets blamed? It always seems to be like this, too. Whenever something doesn’t get cleaned, I’m suddenly responsible for it. Whenever there’s trash anywhere, I’m suddenly the one who left it there regardless of whether I did or not. Never my sister, never my father, never even SM’s mother who also lives in the house, always ME.



SM even knows that my sister has a habit of sneaking food when she isn’t supposed to, yet never confronts her when there’s trash instead. It’s not even hard to tell when my sister is lying, but SM believes her most of the time anyways.



My dad texted me about the cookie box and how SM wasn’t happy about it, so I went out there and immediately threw it away. SM watched me the whole time, all passive-aggressively, but didn’t say anything. I threw it away three hours ago, and then she waited until just now to accuse me of it? If you’re going to be a mocking, condescending b about it, do it immediately so you don’t give me an entire anxiety attack about it.



I’m actually tempted to ask my real mom if I can stay with her and my stepdad for longer than three-week periods (we switch back and forth).",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
hjh0zs,01/07/2020,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/hjh0zs/my_stepmom/,step child,My stepmom and dad have been together for a few years. In the begging I felt like she didn't like me or my sisters. I'm pretty sure she's trying to keep me and them from our dad. How should I talk to him about her.,Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
hhrll0,29/06/2020,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/hhrll0/looking_for_advice_on_how_to_connect_with_my_sm/,step child,"Step-child here, looking for advice on how to interact with SM



I personally have (had? She’s better-ish now) a very difficult BM to deal with that I know SM has been an angel with all that noise. I am very grateful for her putting up with my BM shenanigans else I’d probably have no relationship with my dad or siblings.





However, I’ve lately been noticing a lot of very snarky remarks that SM makes about me and to me. I want to know how to better mend this relationship? I’m not great with social things but it really hurts me and is starting to make me not want to see my family because she will be there. Which is horrible. I’ve been having anxiety/panic mini-attacks over some of our interactions.



She’s been in my life close to 14+ years, so she’s very prominent part of my





((I wrote out a lot of examples but decided against including them because it’s probably too identifying in case any family is on reddit))



- most recent one (which is bringing up a lot of this past emotions) is I recently bought myself a phone for the first time in my life. It’s a refurbished smart phone and I splurged and got the iPhone 8. I was so excited to share this with her/dad, and she mocked me for being nearly 30 and only just now buying my first phone.

I splurged and spent more money than I would like and was so proud of it because it looks so new.

Every phone I’ve had except 1 (that dad bought for me for my 18th as a gift) has been a hand-me-down from family or bought cheaply off friends. I’ve not had the money nor the luxury to purchase myself a phone and even now it’s refurbished and not new, and she made me feel pathetic. She took away from my excitement and it hurts so much. I’ve only had it a couple of weeks.





Basically, I’m asking for advice. How do I mend her apparent opinion of me? How do I approach her to try being equals or at least aquatinted so she treats me more amicably, and not like a reminder of her husbands previous marriage?

She treats me worse than I’ve seen her treat her bio-son, and he dealt illicit drugs in school, ffs!

She makes every excuse for him and his behaviour and yet treats me like an idiot. 

I don’t know what to do.

I love my siblings but I dread seeing her and her judgement. I miss my dad.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
hbysh8,19/06/2020,10,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/hbysh8/i_cannot_deal_with_my_stepmother_anymore/,step child,"My mom died when I was 6. My dad handled it well and has been my hero ever since. When he met a new women and seemed happy - about 2 years after my mom died - I was happy for him and tried to accept everything.



At first she was nice, kind and happy, but when they moved in together, she completely changed. Whenever he wasn't there she would become horrible, complaining about everything and forcing us to do whatever she said. 3 years ago they had a kid, and 2 years ago they got married. Since they got married she has become *unbearable*. Its like she only actually cares about her child and not about me and my sibling who are not her technical children, whenever any of my dads side of the family is round she is sweet as you like, polite and quiet, but whenever they aren't it's like she is a completely different person. 



I have not said anything because I know it has been hard for my dad and as long as he's happy I thought I could put up with it, but I can't anymore. I know that if I don't do something then I'm going to end up saying something I'm going to regret. Help",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
gvasam,02/06/2020,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/gvasam/my_stepdad_is_sexist/,step child,"Hello I’m back with some more on Dave. Dave is very Sexist. He always asks my mom what I did in the kitchen to help her or what I did to clean the house. ( I’m not lazy or anything it’s just when I start to relax they always want me to do something else so I’m usually seen as lazy for that) I started to realize that he was sexist about a couple of years ago when I didn’t help my mom in the kitchen because I was busy doing Homework. My brother Jim and Dave were doing nothing but playing games while my mom was cooking. My mom finished cooking and she called every one to eat when I got there Dave was already there ready to eat when he looked at me and said 

“ why weren’t you here helping your mom” 

I replied with  “ I was doing my Homework” 

He then said “ Well, when your mom is cooking YOU need to come out and help her because you are a girl so you have to be in the kitchen” 

He never said anything to my brother it was just me. 

He also comments on my weight saying “ wow you eat a lot” or “ to really need to watch what you eat” I’m pretty thin ,because of him I starved myself for a while till my mom noticed that I was starting to look pale. 

He never says anything to Jim even though he weighs more than me when he’s younger than me. 

When I was younger I hated wearing shorts because I was uncomfortable  showing my legs so I would always wear pants no matter the weather. Dave would always tell me to wear shorts and to put them on I didn’t like wearing them because the short I had were wayyy to short. He always forced me to wear them. I was always a Tom boy so I liked to play other boys and I would hate wearing dresses and very girly things. He always wanted me to be girly because I’m a girl and I shouldn’t play with boy instead play with makeup so he would always but my me makeup and stuff. Dave made my childhood crap I feel like my life would have been better without him because of him I grew up insecure about myself, I think everyone is constantly judging me, I feel like I eat too much 

When I started going through puberty and I started to have pimples and stuff he would always make fun of me and even let my brother poke fun at me which really did hurt me a lot. So I got bangs to try to cover them then I was made fun of because I look like Dora so there was no pleasing them. 



Honestly sometimes I think one of these days he’s gonna really push it so he’s gonna catch these hands.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
exx9tn,02/02/2020,13,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/exx9tn/do_stepmothers_ever_consider_step_kids_their_own/,step child,"Me and my stepmother have been together since I was 5. My real mother left and my dad married her when she was still 22. We had a rocky relationship while I was growing up since I'd never seen my real mother, but I've learnt to not blame her for my issues and now I'm 26 years old. I finished my medical degree and I'm trying to make my own life. 



My younger brother applied to med school and I was calling him on his iPad while he called my stepmom (I call her mom, so I'll refer to her as mom from now on)



Anyway, as he was talking to her she told him that grandma (her mother) is so happy that he is the first grandson to be a med student. Weary, knowing I was listening in, my brother tries to correct her saying that I was already a doctor and I'm part of the family.



She replied: ""We can't lie to ourselves, he's not part of my blood, and your grandmother only considers you as a descendant, yes, I took care of him when he was a child, but he'll never be part of my blood."" 



I was a little shocked by what I'd heard. I really thought she considered me one of her own. She never admitted that to me, and I am pretty close to my grandmother, it just made me feel unwanted. 



I'm not sure how to proceed, contacting her and having a reasonable direct confrontation would only put more tension on our relationship, I've really invested a lot of time and effort in connecting with her and to hear her say that she doesn't consider me part of her blood (behind my back) is really disheartening. I call her on a daily basis and really considered her to be a mother to me. 



I ended up blocking her number (just for some time) I don't was to talk to her with animosity in my voice. I just want to give our relationship a break so I can think about how to proceed.



Am I right to feel saddened by what she said? I mean, I obviously understand that we are truly not blood related, but to have her state that so adamantly makes me feel hurt. I know it might be my ego, but I really thought we our relationship was solid enough not to have such things matter. I really considered her to be my mother, and to my face she says I'm her son. I guess her heart is different than what she projects. 



1. Any thoughts?",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
etde0c,24/01/2020,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/etde0c/my_stepmom_wont_allow_my_dad_to_speak_to_me_his/,step child,"My stepmom despises me. She always has. They’ve been married for almost 26 years, and I’ve been estranged from my father for the past 7. Basically she’s had something against me from day one...I’m a lot like my mom & look like her too, and she HATES my mom; even though she’s barely spoken to her...I guess cause she’s “the Ex”.  Anyway, I spent 2 years in high school attempting to live w/ them, and she threw me out because I refused to quit dance & choir like she demanded. She thought I didn’t “deserve” those things. So I moved in w/ my grandmother after she tossed me out. My father has always been the unaggressive type that avoids conflict & confrontation. So he kept his tail between his legs most of their marriage. Now, As an adult ,(and a recovering addict of 7years) I see that she’s a narcissistic person who demands 100% control over my father...and my substance abuse  was probably initially a way to mask the pain of being rejected by my father. I’ve been going to therapy regularly for the past 7 years to deal w/ my own issues & to start healing the broken parts of me that resulted in me becoming a drug addict. After I initially went into treatment & began recovery, I had to walk away from my relationship w/ my dad because I knew I couldn’t deal w/ that complex hurt WHILE trying to just stay sober...kinda” put it on the back burner “ so to speak. And here we are today..I’m sober, have a healthy life & I’m a responsible citizen, functioning in society again...and I slowly start getting msgs on holidays from my dad. He’s testing the waters, asking about me & showing me & my siblings that he misses me & loves me. So after 4 months of brief (just saying hi, miss you & love you ) texting he wants to meet up when he’s in my town ! I’m so excited & looking forward to catching up w/ my dad, cause I’ve MISSED HIM SOOOO much!  But I just got a message from my sibling that his wife found out he’s been communicating w/ me & has chewed him out big time. Like he’s being put through the ringer according to my sibling...and I’m heartbroken. I’m sad that someone can have that much hate in their heart. I’m almost preparing myself for him to just go MIA again cause deep down inside I don’t think he loves me enough to stand up to her. She’s going to “win”, she’s always won. And it makes me so sad that a chance at a minimal relationship w/ me is not worth standing up to her.  Sorry if this isn’t the right place for this post, but I just need to tell someone. I feel so scummy & would like me feeling of hurt to be validated at least. I know I used to be a junkie, but that part of my past just gives her motivation to hate me even more, and I’ll never live it down.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
eidmck,01/01/2020,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/eidmck/so_i_cant_even_do_my_laundry/,step child,"Hello, everyone. I really need to vent before I completely lose it on my stepmom.



 A little background info on me. I am an adult stepkid; 28y/o. I am living with my dad and stepmom because current circumstances don't allow for me to live on my own (in school, the expense, etc.)



When I got home from work today, I wanted to continue my laundry and pick up my room so I can start the new year fresh. The floor in front of the TV is a convenient spot to fold clothes so that's where I was. Plus, we had New Year's Rockin' Eve on and I wanted to watch it. I'm doing my thing and then I see my stepmom get up from the couch and go into her room. My dad went to go check what she was doing and comes back to tell me that she was having a fit over me folding my clothes. That she doesn't ""want to spend New Year's Eve watching someone fold clothes.""



Seriously?! I can't even do my fucking laundry?! I didn't want my dad to catch shit (she already complains to him all the time, I try not to add to it) so he helped me get my clothes up and out of the way. And I'm sitting outside of my room now folding some other stuff.



There is so much that sets her off. And it doesn't help that she's drinking wine all the damn time. I'd go so far as to say she's an alcoholic. If she's not at work, there's a wine in her hand. 



Sooooo. Yeah. Well, that ended up being a lot longer than I intended, haha. My bad. Thanks for letting me vent.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
e7ow8d,08/12/2019,19,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/e7ow8d/my_dad_has_moved_in_with_his_girlfriend_and_her/,step child,"**TLDR - My Dad is moving in with his long term girlfriend and his son. I split my time between each parent. I will be staying at his new place and have some worries about how this new change will work out regarding my relationship with my Father. I spoke to my Dad about all my anxieties and he listened, supported and promised to keep everything I said in his mind. I am still frightened that our relationship will change slowly but surely. I have visited my Dad and his girlfriends new house, twice for a few days each time. I have felt very strange in the new situation and dynamics but they have all been very welcoming to me. Any advice on how to get pass these worries would be great. All points of views are welcome regardless of what role you play in your blended family experience (past, present or future.)**



Hello everyone, I came here to have a place to post my thoughts out to/on. I'm called Mason and I am 14 years old. I split between living with my mother and my father, I am a only child and my parents separated just over a year ago. I am not sure why they separated as they decided to keep that private but explained they no longer loved one another but still respected each other.



My father announced to me that has moved in with his long term girlfriend of 1 year and her son. I will be staying there for the week as it is his turn for visitation. I have met her before and it has been very relaxed and infrequent. After these visits became more routine I was then introduced to her son who is 16 years old. I like them as people but having to live with them feels a bit different to me.



The positives will be that I will have my own room and will be allowed to decorate and buy stuff for it this week. I am pleased that my Dad has found somebody he really likes as he seems really happy. I am sure more positives will occur once I am settled there.



However I am a bit anxious about a few things like... Knowing my Dad will now live further away from where I live with my mother. I feel like the visits may become reduced as the travel will be longer there and back. I worry I will struggle with the travel to and from school as it will require four busses there and back a day. I worry he may think it will be easier to communicate over the internet and over the phone etc. I did notice that when my Dad and his girlfriend started dating I seem to hear less from him for a few months which was a bit confusing and I panic this will happen again. My biggest worry is that I might struggle to settle with my Dads girlfriend and her son... If I want a meaningful relationship with my Dad then this new arrangement will have to work out regardless of whatever he feels now. I discussed my fears with my Mother who listened and comforted me and suggested I talk to my Dad before I go there. I did ring and he reassured me fully and I felt much better.



Despite this I still feel nervous about my stay there this week and I feel anxious about the future as they do seem really in love. Now I have started to realise that my parents are never getting back together which has surprised me for some reason. I am not an anxious person in general but this seems to be getting to me. 



I split my days shorter when visiting for the first time just in case I found it overwhelming. They both agreed and didn't make me feel awkward about the suggestion at all. I have completed my first set of visits and went back a second time.



My Dad introduced me to my new bedroom which was a decent size. He gave me a budget and then took me out to get loads of bedroom related stuff. I really enjoyed it and it was nice to have some ownership over my new space. My Dads girlfriend cooked a pasta meal that I thoroughly enjoyed and we all had a movie night. My first night in my room felt a bit odd and I had a restless night but that soon improved. Me and her son got on well enough as usual and we had a laugh during the movie night.



By the second day it still felt strange. I wanted to go back home at it was so unusual to be in the house. The realisation hit me that this would now be a regular thing. They are both very loved up and affectionate I don't really understand that feeling of weirdness about it as he has moved out a while ago and I have seen them together many times. I guess I will work through it the best I can. My Dad and her son get on really well which gave me a pang of jealousy but I really tried not to show it as I believe I am the one with the issue and not them. My Dad had given me one on one time so there was no really reason to get envious.



Overall I am happy for them but I did genuinely try and any insecurities or worries I had, I put to one side and planned to wait and see how the second visit was... By the second visit I currently do feel a bit like a guest (a well treated guest) at a residence. They have a solid dynamic that I am trying to find my place in and all have in jokes that I don't really understand. I never noticed this before but I realised that they all get on extremely well and have obviously spent a lot of time together in the past. I am trying to fit into their routine and ways of doing things and I realised his girlfriends routine seems dominantly the way things are done in the house meaning she and her son get by more easily if that makes sense. I feel I need to be on my best behaviour at all times and am constantly not wanting to offend intentionally. I have a feeling my Dad stayed at their old place rather a lot and this is why they get on so well on a day to day basis. This made the green eyed monster come out. Pretty sure this is fairly normal but Reddit helps me to chill out a bit as well as the suggested writing it down on paper. I have a lot to work through and I have decided to try and be more self reliant now that I am getting older (slightly sad but cool to.) I know they will listen to my concerns if I am worried. Another piece of good advice I got on here. I have no idea why I am not level headed on certain things anymore, the emotions just pour out via my mind and then settles down.



Any advice, suggestions or your own experience of this would be appreciated. Please give it to me straight, I don't need mollycoddling...",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
bg0psc,22/04/2019,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/bg0psc/a_word_of_encouragement_for_stepkids_wabusive/,step child,"Hey guys! So this is my first time posting on Reddit, and I apologize for any formatting issues (I'm on mobile).



I came to this subreddit looking for stories of other kids (I'm 19 almost 20 now) who dealt with some really awful stepparents. 

While I'm not seeing a lot of posts in that vein, I just wanted to say: 



If you are one of those kids who's relationship with your stepparent is seriously on the rocks, 



It Gets Better.



I promise you it does.



When I was 14, I lived with my dad and Stepmom for a year, due to my mom having to leave town to settle her parent's estate when they passed away. 

From the moment I got there, SM had suddenly decided she did not like me. At this point, she had been married to my dad for about 4 years, and they had dated for maybe 2 years prior. We were not strangers.

So, over the course of that year, while she was nice in front of my dad, she belittled me, called me a liar, tried to turn me against my actual mother, and was a general all-around c*nt. When I tried to tell my dad about how she was treating me, he got angry, yelled at me, and told me I was lying. 



Plain and simple, I was emotionally and verbally abused by this woman for the better part of a year. 

The older I got though, the angrier I got. I was able to move back in with my mom (thank god), and from there it turned into occasional dinner plans or weekend visits over at their house. She still treated me poorly, but there were less opportunities for it to happen, less time for the two of us to be alone together. And, when she did try to pick a fight or belittle me, I fought back. I stopped letting her push me around and finally, FINALLY, my dad started to see it.



It was maybe a year and a half ago? I was freshly 18, and she got on my case about eating lunch as soon as I'd gotten off work that afternoon, when I hadn't eaten all day. She had wanted me to wait another 2+ hours for when dinner would be ready. I was a vet at handling her behavior at this point by nodding, agreeing, and keeping my head metaphorically down, and when she was done I stepped outside and sat on the porch, determined to ignore her and salvage the evening. 

My dad had heard the exchange, came over to me, and apologized for her behavior, told me to do what I'd been doing since I was 14, and went inside and berated her for getting angry at me. 



He finally came to my defense. 



After that there hasn't been a single incident, and whether it was a change of heart or not, we are at the point where while things may be awkward, they can still be almost downright pleasant. 



So, moral of the story? SM was a bully, one my father married and will not be exiting my life for a very long time. I stood up to her and we found some sort of unspoken truce. 



Stand up for yourself, and don't let a bully trample you down just because they're legally family. It just might work out in the end.",Absence of Affectionate Bonds and Emotional Connection
11btzjb,25/02/2023,9,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/11btzjb/i_caught_my_stepmother_cheating_and_i_dont_know/,step child,"My dad has been married to my stepmom Alex since I was 6 years old. Alex has been a wonderful mom to me and Im grateful for it but this is why it hurts me. So for background info after my mom died he was extremely sad and that is when he met Alex, they had a semi large age gap cuz he was like 36 and she was 25, Alex stayed home with me when my dad was at work and she always made sure I was well taken care of and treated me like I was her own son. So my dad is on a worktrip for a couple weeks and  I started to notice Alex was much more withdrawn then usual and was always on her phone texting someone. Then last night I was out with some friends and came home late, I noticed a light was on in my parents room. I was surprised because its not like Alex to stay up late, so I come in the house and am going up to their room so I can talk to her when I start hearing.... noises. I look inside and see Alex with another man.She didn't see me and I left immediately to my room. Later Alex drove the guy home and when she came back I was in the kitchen and said hi. She asked me when I got back and said a couple of hours ago. She looked kind of scared and so just quickly hugged me and wished me goodnight. I don't know what to do. Im scared if I tell my dad that Alex will hate me and not be my mom anymore or that my dad will divorce her and I will lose my mom. I need advice cause Im scared. Please help me.",Household challenges
zzwger,31/12/2022,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/zzwger/stepenfreud/,step child,"My Dad's been with my stepmum for about 18 years now. Their relationship has nothing to do with my parents break up at all and my parents broke up after an awful marriage so in that regards I was happy they separated and had no animosity towards future partners as I always want them to just be happy, having not being happy with each other. 



My Stepmum always makes EVERYTHING a competition with her kids (3 and older than me) and recently it is starting to grate on me. If it was a case of life events like marriages, uni etc I'd probably be able to understand because it comes with a sense of pride, but it's always really petty stuff. Like if I'm unwell, her kids and all their friends and hamsters are ill, if I've worn odd socks, she's worn odd socks for the past 30 years (when she hasn't). My partner and I have had a spate of bad luck recently with stuff in the house or illness etc, and she just seems to be really enjoying it and her messages seem sarcastic in nature. 



My partner tells me I should just confront her about these things but because I don't see them that often due to distance it doesn't feel worth it to me because it'll just cause problems for my Dad. Not only that, but there are some people I don't bother telling my feelings too because they just can't handle it and it causes arguments instead of discussion because they believe they're right. 



She also never leaves me alone with my Dad either, like she's afraid she's missing out on something when sometimes it's just nice to speak to him on his own without the conversation being redirected to all of her family. I guess he needs to grow a pair in that regard really. 



Just really grinds my gears.",Household challenges
119j96k,23/02/2023,6,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/119j96k/my_aunt_is_about_to_become_my_new_stepmom_please/,step child,"So..... yeah the title sounds weird because it is weird. My mom passed away last year, my dad took it really hard. I have an aunt Kat, she's my mom's sister and they were very close. My dad and aunt Kat started becoming really close after my mom passed. Now a few months ago I found out they have been dating. Now my dad proposed to aunt Kat and now she is about to become my stepmom. To make it even more awkward, my cousin Billie Jean is about to become my step sister. I feel like I haven't gotten to have a say in any of this, I don't want my aunt to become my stepmom. I feel like my mom would have wanted my dad to move on but not with her sister! In fact im pretty sure my mom is upset from the afterlife because her husband is now in the same bed with her younger sister. I feel so alone as I type this, I just don't know what I am supposed to do.",Household challenges
10t3src,04/02/2023,7,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/10t3src/i_have_a_question_for_all_the_step_kids_here/,step child,"I just got slammed on twitter for saying that step parents asking to see their step kid’s underwear is kind of weird.

For context, OP says that her step mom was just recently introduced to the family and step mom bought her a bra, then requested to see OP in it. This was all on text messages and her way of saying that she wants to see OP in her underwear just rubs me off the wrong way.



I was shamed by 500+ ppl for thinking that this is weird and it’s normal for step parents to try and bond with their step kids (imo this doesn’t need to involve underwears esp if she’s a new step mom)",Household challenges
118gbdj,21/02/2023,9,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/118gbdj/i_want_to_live_5050_with_my_stepmom_kelly/,step child,So my (14m) dad and (step)mom Kelly (37f) are going through a divorce. I have known Kelly and my older (step)sister Priscilla (17f) since I was 5 years old. They have been my mom and big sis since I can remember and my dad expects me to not keep in contact with my mom and big sis just because they aren't biologically related to me. I want to live 50/50 with them and when I brought it up to my dad he was surprised. I just don't know what to do and don't want to lose my family.,Household challenges
rgjhii,14/12/2021,16,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/rgjhii/is_it_bad_of_me_to_never_want_to_call_my_stepdad/,step child,"It's not out of resentment the guy's an ass sometimes but he's overall really great. It just feels really weird to call him dad hell even calling him my stepdad when people asks is fucking weird to me! 



But I don't know if this is just me being over sensitive or if I'm just not trying hard enough or something...",Household challenges
q5jthp,10/10/2021,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/q5jthp/stepsister_and_i_finally_talked_to_our_parents/,step child,"Everyone really helped so thank you for that. We wrote a letter to our parents highlighting our feelings and what can be done. Basically this is what we asked for\-they have to recognize that it is a lot harder for us than the younger kids (they said they know)\- We don't consider ourselves ""one"" family and there are parts (they said we will talk about this more)\-SS does not feel comfortable with my SF going to the grave with her and said she does not feel supported by him and asked to go live with her mom's sister for a bit. He was sad but is letting her go\- My SS and I are 8 days a part and we want to have a dinner just with them and no younger kids because we want to feel like it is about us (they said yes but that we should do cake together and we said ok)\- I told my mom that I wished she payed more attention to me and just because I have a 4.0 and do a lot of extracurriculars doesn't mean I don't want to spend time with her (she said that she always wants to see me)\- We told them that we are the odd ones out no matter what and we don't think there's anything we can be done about that, and it is very hard for us to not think that they care more about the romantic relationship because we have been so miserable for so long. (they said that it was fair but not true)\- we told our respective SP that even though a lot of SP say they love their SK just the same it is hard for us to believe and we don't know how to make ourselves believe it. It kinda hurts us a bit (if its true) that someone ""random"" (as much as i love my stepsis) is viewed the same to my mom as I am and my stepsister felt the same way about her dad (they said that we can talk about this more)\-so anyways I also said its going to be hard for me to live there without my stepsister and asked to live with my grandma and my mom said no. So these next few weeks are going to be hard for me but I can still talk to her.\- I told my mom that she and my dad have to figure it out about how I am going to see him more because I don't think it is my responsibility to coordinate since I had no say in my situation.\- They asked if there was anything they could do fill the role of the respective ""missing"" parent (mom asked stepsis about her mom and my stepdad asked me about my dad) and we both said there was no need.\-We also admitted that my stepdad's uncle was much worse than we made it out to be and I told my stepdad and mom that I will always resent them a little for making me meet him. My stepdad apologized\-Lastly we told them that the little kids are too loud when we try to hw and they need to do something about it. (they said that it was hard to make little kids sit quietly for a long time)",Household challenges
z6v2mr,28/11/2022,13,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/z6v2mr/i_dont_know_how_to_feel_about_my_new_stepdad/,step child,"My (14m) biological father has never been in my life. He left as soon as he got my mom (50f) pregnant. It’s made worse by the fact that my mom now had to raise me as a single mom while also putting herself through law school, she did a great job and is now a lawyer and I love her with my entire heart.





Now my mom has been seeing this guy Jake (46m) for the past few years and he and my mom are now engaged. Jake has tried to be a father figure type of person but I don’t know how to feel about it. You see because I’ve never had a father figure my entire life I don’t feel like I really need one. All the love and care I’ve ever gotten has been from my mom so I don’t feel like I need any from a guy I don’t know all that well.





My mom keeps talking about how great he is and how “I can finally have a dad” in my life but I just feel like she is trying to force something. I respect Jake as the man my mother loves but I don’t want to view him as anything else. 





I don’t know how to feel and I would really like some advice from people because my friends haven’t really been reliable as advice givers.",Household challenges
y9lfkd,21/10/2022,24,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/y9lfkd/i_feel_like_my_stepmom_is_jealous_of_my/,step child,"I 21f have a stepmom 51f who has been with my dad for 18 years. My dad and I are very close and always have been! My mom and I have pretty much never gotten along partly because I think she dislikes the fact I’m so much like my dad, so I’ve clung to my dad. Him and I always had tv shows we’d watch together, or we’d cook ( I love cooking and always have), we never try to exclude her because I love my stepmom but she’s not really interested in the same things as my dad and I. Shortly after I turned 18 she kept trying to get my dad to kick me out, I ended up moving out because of other reasons but would still come back to visit him and stay over since I have a younger sister there. My stepmom threatened to stay elsewhere when I went to visit because I had accidentally gotten my sister in trouble it turned into a huge argument between all three of us and my dad told her that I was welcome to stay and stay for as long as I wanted. Ever since then she’s treated me kind of crappy and I don’t know what to do…",Household challenges
sewqh5,28/01/2022,1,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/sewqh5/what_a_night/,step child,"This is a long post, if you read all the way through you're a rockstar. I needed to get this off my chest and found this group, assumedly of people who can relate. I started some of it while upset last night, finished it just now while working. Here you go.   





 



I was really surprised, but at the same time, I wasn't 



What happened tonight was the same as when I was a kid - brushed aside, not allowed to have my own feelings or emotions, and essentially told that I have no opinion and my feelings were wrong.



Let's take this back a bit - I'm 43. In 1982 when I was 3 and a half, my dad passed from leukemia. I have vivid memories of small things - having a sip of been from his nearly empty 8oz or so Michelob beer bottle. One time I was in the front seat of his Packet and remember seeing the road roar by through a hole in the pool leather around the shifter knob. I have a photographic memory of the day my mom received the call to tell us he passed. It was 1982, a clear, blue sky, cold day. My mom was in a 1980'slillte house on the prairie style nightgown, answering the rotary wall phone that was on an odd wall between the kitchen with blue and black linoleum flooring and the living room that had the tv and a wood burning stove on the second floor of the 3 story tenement house my grandmother owned, my dad's mom. She never raised the rent, it was always $110 a month. We lived a block across from the pawsox stadium in an area the Providence journal once referred to as the worst streets of Rhode island... Even though the worst thing on the streets there was the neighbors downstairs from us - one of whom ended up as a prison guard and later got into street fighting and finally disappeared. We had our life, it was good. We went camping every weekend with my dad .. and after he passed, we still sent camping! Every weekend we had a spot at holiday acres, same spot on the corner with the same neighbors, a single strawberry would grow across the way, there were loads of wild blueberries to pick and I even got sting on both shoulders by wasps in the ground! We caught ( my sister and I ) a bullfrog with a hook once, there was Indian soap plants, a rock to jump off of, Santa at Christmas in July - we loved it all and grew up with it!



So my dad passed away and we kept doing those things. My sister and I made light of it, we would joke with our mom to make her laugh; we still share the same dark humor at times, it's what made us (at one point i was sad, my sister tried to make a joke \[She is 18 months older than me\] and said, guess what! Mommy died, too! Another time we drove by the hospital where my dad passed and we both looked out the car window and said ""Hi Daddy!"" My mom thought we were serious, but we were making a joke to get her to laugh) . We are resilient, strong. We can face death and move on. That's part of our growing up.



Enter the step. 



My mom remarried around 1986 when I was 8 or so. It was exciting - we moved from the inner city to what was the country to us, an hour and a half north. We went to a new school and had lots of changes. The step (this is how I am going to refer to the step dad. right now, i can't put dad or father or parent next to step) was hard. His mother was hard on he and his siblings, he had and has anger and control issues, he was in the Navy and extremely religious. I'm all for having faith and believing in God, I have my beliefs, but you don't win people over by forcing it down their throat or by taking things extremely literally. He thought you did and he would. One he broke into the church and stole the manger scene because it was idols. We weren't allowed to wear jeans to high school because its not what he did growing up. Any disagreement, any thing that countered anything he wanted or believed in is a trigger and would make him get angry, yell, and likely lead to a spanking. I know I did things wrong as a kid, I lied about things as most kids do, but he wouldn't take the time to listen to our side of the story. It was his way or the highway. So, we kept the peace and walked on egg shells for years out of fear of making him angry or upset. We had issues and frankly, I did not get close with him. In highschool, a good friend - really one of those kids you definitely want your kids to have as a friend - he peeled out a little after dropping me off at home - his car left a dirt parking area on to pavement and of course it peeled out a little - after that I was told i couldn't drive with him. I could go on and on about stories of control. I think you get the idea. 



Fast forward a number of years and I was talking with my sister and i realized, all that we did as a family growing up was the things he wanted to do. We rarely went camping, I rarely went fishing - instead we went out on a canoe (that was his jam) and we went skiing instead. Anything we did were the things he wanted to do, but he never asked about the things we liked to do, it was what he wanted to do and had always done. Gone were the weekends in the camper, fishing on the beach. I realized how it was all what he wanted and that was that. 



Skip back now to when I was 12 or so. He wanted to adopt us. We were told the last name would be hyphenated. Sweet, that sounds good to me, makes sense. I do remember being excited, but at such a young age, you aren't thinking about when you grow up and reflect on the past. Personally, if I remarried and those kids knew their dad's family and had memories of him, I would never change their name. So here I am with a hyphenated last name. I used it everywhere - drivers license, work, bank accounts, etc - EVERYTHING. Fast forward a while later and I moved to another state half way across the country. I go to get my drivers license and what was I told? There is no hyphenated last name, only his last name. My original last name was moved to a second middle name. I was pissed and shocked. That's not what I wanted back then. I talked to my mom about it and she didn't say much, but she remembered us being happy about the name change, I'm sure we were, we were kids with no thought about the future. I have reverted the name change and now my last name is MY last name and the steps is a second middle name.  



I think you can overall see this pattern of control and, I don't know, manipulation?



So I'm married, have a kiddo, and we live far away. Of course my parents came out when she was born and we helped them come out for her first birthday. We don't get calls from them very often, but we try to at least video chat with them here and there. I expressed to my mom at some point that I feel like we're always calling, that they can call my wife anytime to see our kiddo, so that has gotten better, but, we've noticed (my wife & I) that they haven't brought up coming out to visit again. They were here a year and a few months ago but not since and we realized they haven't brought it up! We've also mentioned that they should fly out to visit during video chats and the suggestion has never been answered, it's like they aren't thinking about coming out. We decided to not mention it at all, let's see how long its going to be before they tell us they would like to come visit. Keep in mind, when my mom and step were working my mom would fly out to see hy sister and her kids 2 to 3 times a year. I frequently picked her up, alone, and brought her to my sister's house. Now they are both retired, sure, the retirement fund isn't as good as they had hoped for, but there's $200 round trip tickets all over the place and it hasn't been mentioned! 



So here we are, my wife and I are frustrated about it all. My step and mom helped his daughter move to another state, 15 to 20h away. They helped, drove the truck, hung out for 2 weeks, visited Florida, etc -  and I am SO happy they did that, they haven't done anything like that in a very long time. I then found out that the step is going to a men's retreat/conference with his son, something they have wanted to do for a long time - I think it's great! but then I hear that my mom is going, and she's going to hang with his step daughter for the week. That threw me for a loop. I'm thinking, wait. They are paying for tickets for 2 to go to that state, and my mom who hasn't flown to see her kids in over a year is going as well to hang out with him not there? My immediate thought jumps to the trips she used to make out here - why in God's good name would she not have thought, or the step would not have thought to have her come visit her kids - it's a perfect time!!! My wife pressed me to reach out and talk about it with them. She's been pressing me to do so, and inside I know I haven't a) because I don't talk to them often and when we do it is a video chat with our daughter - not a good time. B) I remember growing up with him. Say the wrong thing, he gets triggered and mad. 



So things got heated last night, my wife took something the wrong way after having some drinks (I know it was the alcohol causing her to react the way she did) and we got into a small argument... then she left and took a shower. I had a couple drinks but barely had a buzz, but I was feeling like, you know what, let's just do it - let's call and talk about this. So I did. It was late but they were both up. I just bluntly jumped to it and asked why they haven't come out, why haven't they talked about it, why is it that when we mention coming out they don't reply and seemingly avoid the question. Why would you go see his step daughter instead of flying out to see us, her own kids? All I got was, I know, I know, I don't know, I understand - that's it. I tend to cry and get emotional in that way before I get mad or angry, it's really annoying, so this triggered me. It wasn't a good night, The step insisted on putting me on speaker, no big deal, I wanted his answers to the same questions... I started talking and he butted in. He started explaining that they had to help his daughter move, they then got covid, he's going on a men's retreat, etc. He was getting worked up. I tried to cut into the conversation to explain that I am so happy he could help and spend time with his kids, but he wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise. He stopped and said that I always like to talk, that I don't let others talk and that I butt in the conversation - he didn't have control of it so he got more upset. In his mind, I am upset that they helped his daughter and that he's going to a retreat. I never said I was, but he wouldn't listen long enough to hear me out. I stayed calm, he raised his voice. I explained I am not mad, but we're hurt that there's been no mention of coming out. He brought it right back to his kids and what they were doing with them. He wouldn't listen long enough to even know what I was, we were,  upset about. I wasn't going to drop it - I'm a grown ass adult and do not live in that house. Sure, respect my elders, but as an adult, they need to show some respect as well. He started telling my mom that I was angry and to hang up - she didn't. He was getting more worked up so I took control - I said, okay, that's it, Im done, you're angry and I can't talk to you, we'll talk another time, I am hanging up. I did. My mom texted about changing her flight to come here - I want her to, I told her to, but its after the fact. 



Part of me knows she's timid with him and he will do what he wants, so I wonder how much that plays into it all. She's not a confrontational person - for instance he took over discipline when they got married, his was way different than hers - and it was left as is. Another part of me though wonders if she's thinking of coming out but he wants to go and doesn't want to be left alone. Maybe its just him - when the things surrounding his children were brought up, that's when he went on the defensive and just hovered on that idea, that I was upset they are going to visit them. I'm not, I want them to know my daughter. I told them, you know how I refer to you to our little girl? I ask her if she wants to see Grandma & Grandpa on the phone. She doesn't know them in person, just through a screen. 



I will talk about this again but i will be the center of Zen. I am not stopping to a level that he does. I will stay calm and I will keep it focused on them having a relationship not just with my daughter, but with my sister's kids. 



So, to you going through a hard time, I get you. Stay strong and stay yourself. 



To you with a name change or regrets about it, don't do it unless you're 100% sure you know you want to. Think about yourself in 30 years, with kids and the name you want them to have - this IS something strictly about you and you alone. It is not disrespectful to not change your name. If you changed your name and were adopted, it's a pain in the butt, but go change it. The process sucks, it should be easier, but it is worth it. I feel freedom after changing it, even though I still have to change it on cards and the bank and work! lol



I wish we could lobby for changes in adoption laws. I would 100% revert it if I could. I want my history to be the real history, not what a piece of paper was changed to. I want my dad's name on my birth certificate. We should not have to jump through hoops to restore our last names! When I went to court, I petitioned to expedite the name change due to being lied to when I was adopted. I explained that I was told the name was hyphenated but they flat out changed it to his name. The judge declined it, which I don't understand - I explained to him that I was restoring the name I was born with, fixing the mistake from the past, but he would not allow it - I had to publish in the paper and make several court appearances, but it got done.



I'm happy I found this group. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I hope things with your steps are better than this. 



Peace. 



tl;dr dad passed young, mom remarried and adopted us with a different last name, step is controlling, hardheaded and manipulative. I caused an argument and was upset. The deets are above.",Household challenges
j2ldvv,30/09/2020,1,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/j2ldvv/my_stepmother_calls_me_son_and_i_really_sont_like/,step child,"Hey Wassup everybody,My stepmother calls me son and introduces me as her son i really don't like it. it makes me feel uncomfortable and it bothers me alot and i don't want to say anything so my father doesn't get pissed about it . My mama died 3 years ago,3 days before i was supposed highschool(im 17 btw and im a mamas boy and daddy's boy ) after i came from staying with her after the summer and me and her were real close.she was my right hand, if i couldn't go to my father i went to her even though she was nine hours away. she also didn't like it was gonna call my father about and confront it but i told her not to so he wouldn't fuss at me.I moved to georgia with my father and step mother when i was 10 but i met her when i was 6 .me and her dont have a relationship or a bond and when i met her we really didn't have a bond it was on some""hey how are you doing"" and ""what did you learn in school"" type of thing and some other stuff i dont remember.We also don't talk at all or call each other when im back home.only time we talk is when she ask me to do something or she ask me something and i give a simple straightforward answer(not complaining about that whatsoever lol).i kind of did liked her in the first few months i moved to georgia but about after three months i was fed up with her wanting to move back with my mama.she was doing things and saying things and the way she said them and always complaining made me stop liking her and still don't like her till this day,yes she buys me things she offers to buy things she also taught me some things and i appreciate that cause shes being generous im not a ungrateful person and i give credit when its due but i really don't care about materialistic things im a simple person, also i'm not gonna kiss butt because your generous  i don't care how much love you show,you do things i don't like im not messing with you no more. thank you and all but i could simply get it myself or have somebody else get it for me and i don't ask her to do anything or buy me anything and she throws it in my face about what she does for me but anyhoo and i would peep how she would say things to other folks AND ALWAYS COMPLAIN . i wouldn't like it either i felt like ""aw she said it to him or her like that she might do it to me"" i read people and if you do or say certain things i don't like you I graduate soon and i'm moving back to my home state to live with my grandmother and help her out and i wanna to ask my stepmother in the nicest way not to call me that and not upset my father before i leave because she never asked me if i liked it or anything which i feel like she could have done that could but could yall stepparents or if you have stepparents and know what im going through in the group help me out????please and thank you sorry if it felt like a rant",Household challenges
hszxei,17/07/2020,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/hszxei/confused/,step child,"So I’ve known my step mam for about 4 years now, and we’ve been getting along pretty well, I really like her. It’s just that I find it weird to say I love you and all that, and I don’t know why. Like I do love her, it’s just it feels weird to say it. I don’t hold any kind of resentment towards her and, honestly I’m fine with feeling like she replaced my biological mam, and I feel like she’s a better parent than her. So I don’t know why it feels weird and wrong to tell her how I feel. Anyone got any thoughts on this?",Household challenges
c5clxn,25/06/2019,12,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/c5clxn/stepmom_introduces_me_as_her_daughter/,step child,"The title says it all...my entire life my stepmom has introduced me to anyone she meets as her daughter. She tells stories to people about me, ""her daughter"", constantly. 



​



I have a mother who I love very much, and look just like. It really bothers me when my stepmom calls me her daughter. I said something to my dad about it once and he basically told me to get over it. 



  

Does this bother anyone else? Am I being immature? My blood boils anytime she says it.",Household challenges
10nvh9a,29/01/2023,7,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/10nvh9a/i_never_called_my_step_mom_mom/,step child,I (21f) love my stepmom. She's one of my favorite people in the world. However my dad and mom separated when I was young and had 50/50 custody. My bio mom is also in my life and I love her immensely too. I know it's a bit late to start but should I feel bad about not calling her mom? I love her very much but I just don't know how I'd feel about calling her that,Household challenges
yy7mr4,18/11/2022,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/yy7mr4/i_dont_know_how_to_adjust_to_calling_my_stepmom/,step child,"My (16m) parents (39f and 43m) got divorced 4 years ago. My mom has a majority of the custody so I only spend every other weekend with my dad (he loves two hours away from us). My mom met Bridgette (37f) 3 years ago and they got married two months ago.





When they got married my mom told me I had to start calling Bridgette “momma” because I needed to show respect and appreciation for her and how Bridgette was now going to be another mom to me so I had to. I feel awkward calling her that as I haven’t known her for that long and I’ve only had a mom type word for just my mom.





I keep slipping up with calling Bridgette momma and it makes her sad. I appreciate Bridgette and she makes my mom happy and tries to act like another mom for me but it feels weird. Can anyone help me at all with this situation cause I can’t wrap my head around this.",Household challenges
n0r4gn,28/04/2021,18,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/n0r4gn/soon_to_be_stepmom_lies_about_vaccination/,step child,"I should preface this by saying this is about my dad's long term girlfriend, not a stepmom. However, one day she probably will be. Todau when my dad picked me up, he was on the phone with his GF, but i could hear b/c it was coming through the car speakers. 



GF starts talking about how she drove her mom to get the covid vaccine, but i guess the staff accidentally stamped her card too and signed off on it, even though she wasn't planning on getting the vaccine. Instead of bringing it up, she stayed quiet, and when asked by another staff member if she was planning on getting the vaccine, she said no. 



She proceeded to call the staff incompetent and stupid, and said she was such a ""smart cookie"" and now she doesn't have to get vaccinated. Now she is talking about traveling with her new vaccine card. Mind you, i am still in shock, and i have no idea what to do. 



She also said she lied to her brother and said she was vaccinated so that he could come down and see her. The whole situation feels very scummy to me,but i don't even know how i would go about reporting this, plus im worried my dad or his GF will suspect i told on her. Has anyone had this happen with a stepparent or even just anyone else??",Household challenges
rd593j,10/12/2021,23,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/rd593j/20f_i_have_a_feeling_my_stepmom_secretly_resents/,step child,"Oooooh boy, grab some popcorn. 

So basically my parents have been divorced since I was about 4. They hated each other, and I really don’t think their co-parenting could have been any worse while I was growing up. 



My Dad first started dating another woman when I was around 7, and I absolutely adored her. She treated me like her own daughter, always included me, and supported my relationship with my Dad. Eventually that turned messy, and he started dating my current stepmom when I was around 10 years old. 



Goodness gracious she was the complete opposite of his ex. She also had a son of her own that was about my age. She seemed to be very accepting of me at first, and my and my stepbrother got pretty close. Side note, he had a ton of anger issues and would do some pretty mean things to me growing up including holding my head underwater and overall being aggressive. 



After awhile I started to notice the favoritism toward my stepbro with the gifts he got, pics on the wall, super cool bedroom etc. Somehow I would always end up trouble for things he did, and she would never acknowledge his behavior. Even being that young I noticed how she reacted whenever I got attention from my Dad. 



Well over time she continued to drive a wedge between me and my Dad, eventually I hated going to his house and stopped going altogether. Fast forward to now, they are married and have two more kids together. I recently moved back in with my Dad due to me and my Mom not getting along super well. I haven’t lived with him for about 7 years, but recently our relationship seemed to be improving and he was actually making an effort so I thought things would be better. BOY was I mistaken lmao. Now my stepmom is back on her bs and creating the same problems she did when I was younger. 



She is so passive aggressive and has such a fake demeanor towards me. I’m not gonna say I’m a perfect 20 year old, but I’m respectful, help out, take care of all of my own responsibilities, I’m kind to my brothers, I’m clean and overall I just mind my own business. 



It’s hard to explain without sounding dramatic, buts it’s the constant little things. If I try to eat certain snacks that my brothers just ate, she’ll go out of her way to tell me not to eat it all. I told her once that im supposed to drink cranberry juice to help with my bladder issues, and I came home to find all the cranberry juice in the fridge/pantry with tape that said “{her name} only” on it. Every. Single. Bottle. 



She acts like im inconveniencing her whenever I have laundry to do. Today, I mentioned to her how I got some new clothes and was super excited, and that I wanted to wash them before tomorrow. She started going on about how she has a ton of my bros laundry to do and that I’ll have to wait until later. I swear this woman does laundry everyday and is always super fast, and for some crazyyy reason today it took her all night to finish two loads. Interesting. 



She also makes a specific face whenever my brothers show me affection, not in disgust but more of disdain if that makes sense? Same thing whenever my Dad gives me a sliver of attention, and I notice she will always insert herself somehow. 



One of the biggest things that drives me up the wall, she is constantly making these passive aggressive comments towards me acting like she’s just joking around. It’s almost always a critique or something negative. I noticed she only does that when we’re around my Dad, so I’m not sure if that means anything? Whenever I’m dressed up and looking pretty for something (and my Dad is around) her mood kinda changes and she’ll be cranky out of nowhere. 



There’s so many other things but I know I’ve made you guys read enough already oh my gosh. I have been nothing but respectful towards her but I’m getting so fed up, i feel like I could snap at her at any moment. I feel like she resents me in some way, and as weird as it sounds I think she might be jealous or something? Ugh I was so happy when me and my Dad started to reconnect, and now I feel like she’s trying to drive that same wedge all over again. I’m just hoping for some sort of advice, or at least to know that my frustrations are valid. Please help ):",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
14mkkfi,29/06/2023,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/14mkkfi/i_dont_like_my_stepdad_so_heres_the_reasons_why/,step child,"***How I met Him and the beginning stages***



When I was 11 years old and came back to the UK after 8 years and 2 months. I met my mom's boyfriend who was white and I wasn't aware they were in a relationship. HOwever I don't know what happened but I never saw him again after a while. Couple weeks later I saw another man in our apartment but he was black this time, he seemed pretty cool and got humour, I wouldn't say he was charming but He knew how to crack jokes and seemed pretty responsible.



I remember when he took me to south london and we went to his apartment, I was amazed at how small the place was, and was beginning to wonder what was his living conditions like as he shared the house with 2 other individuals who also lived there.



​



***The Problems***



Fast forward to 2018 and my mom decided to marry him in that year. Little did i know that His problems would affect our Life. First of all, he doesn't have a stable income whatsoever and he doesn't have any legal documents that allows him to work like normal in the UK, so the whole financial stuff is on my mom for the entirety of my life, and the life of him and my siblings. Second, ever since he had a biological daughter by my mom, he's been treating her with more respect than my little brother who is his stepson. she would literally falsely accuse him of hitting her and other things and the stepdad would literally come out of nowhere and slap him up or even drag him, but tbh the second part is minor. Third, ever since I got older, I began setting boundaries even if he didn't like it. I can't remember the 2 boundaries that I have set that but I remember always arguing with him about it and he would get mad and over the top instead of just having a normal conversation of disagreement.



​



Also I remember always suspecting him of cheating every time i see him talking with a woman that I used to know since 2016, he was always flirty with her and I can tell by the way that they talked to eachother that something was up, my other four siblings was also aware of this and devised a plan to expose him if he slips up.



​



These days, if Me or any of my siblings say anything that opposes his opinion, instead of having a normal debate about it, he either gets mad and shout, or cuts the conversation and says end of.



​



when we argue, he always tends to ask, ""who pays rent in here?"" and with honesty I always say ""My Mom pays rent"". so he gets pressed and angry about it, but I really don't care cuz it's the truth. I only respect him in a sense cuz my mom made him and athourity in the house and I have no choice but to obey 



​



This morning I came down to address a problem with him where he likes to just open the door to my room without knocking at times. **Even if I ask who is it?** So I spoke to Him about that and asked him to please knock before coming in and he got so pressed that He shouted at me, so I shouted back just as much and told him there's no need to shout at me. and he called me the P word and stuff and made a call to different members of my family. Tbh, it's not the first time we had arguments, and most arguments started from little things like wasting butter (which i didn't) and everytime i disagree with him, he just shouts and tries to silence me in which he just can't no more. So anyways, one slip up for me and I might get kicked out the house by my mom.



​



I hate my step dad with a passion and would do anything to let Him know that I don't like Him in the slightest and we should never speak again.",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
15zrje2,24/08/2023,0,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/15zrje2/stepmother_said_she_didnt_mind_being_evil_toward/,step child,"Im 27 years old. My parents divorced when I was 2. My father got residential custody and moved us in with his parents (my paternal grandmother and his stepfather, who I’ve always known and treated as a grandfather). My father lived with us but was always ""working."" My grandmother was my rock and main support. She was my mother figure, as I only saw my bio mom for 2 lunches a week and the first & third Saturday of each month. My mother remarried. My stepdad was cool and always knew his place. My father dated a woman for fourteen years until I was 17. When I was 16, my father got kicked out for not paying rent. He moved into a condo that his fiancée, a successful healthcare/insurance executive, paid for. Things were always kind of tumultuous with his fiancée and my family. I considered her a stepmom because we were close and she was around for so long. She never treated me badly but had issues concerning her role in my family. She told people she was our mother, which infuriated my bio-mom. My father was and continues to be extremely passive so he allowed her to behave this way. It went so far as her allegedly telling people that she gave birth to us, according to my grandmother. Things soured and they split. Turns out she was married the entire time, which lent to why we never went to her house. To make matters more complicated, my father was also seeing someone else for the duration of the relationship. This explains why he didn’t come home until midnight/1am on weekdays. He’s a care salesman. He said he was at work but he wasn’t. He just didn’t want to reveal his affair. This woman was also seeing other men. She was engaged to someone else at some point while also maintaining contact with my father. While my father worked, he wasn’t ever really able to be independent. So when he broke up with his fiancée, he had to move. He’d been kicked out of my grandparents so he moved in with his mistress. She has a daughter. They got a townhome together down the street from my grandparents. From the moment she was introduced to me, she gave me the cold shoulder. She was warm to everyone else except for me and it was completely obvious. I never understood why. Perhaps because I saw through their relationship bad she consistently lied about their timeline. She never could face me because I knew she had negative intentions. She would make snarky remarks in my direction. She judged everything I said and did. Mind you, I’m gay and had a bit of a rough coming-out within my very traditional politically oriented family. I was used to being outcasted so I kind of felt that maybe I could just stick it out with her — that she’d come to know me and things would get better. But deep down I knew she was capable of destroying my family. 



I no longer identified with my family and started to distrust anyone who affiliated with her. I couldn’t understand how they could have a relationship with her despite the way she treated me. I felt I loved. Invisible. Like the support system I thought I had was more than fragile but broken. I was always incredibly strong minded but felt so weak and defeated. I couldn’t understand why I was giving this person so much headspace. I still don’t. So I essentially ran away. To the opposite side of the county for my first year of college. I didn’t know what I was doing but that I wanted to leave. The awkwardness of my new family situation made me so deeply uncomfortable. I felt that I had something to prove by moving to a prestigious area because inherently I felt such a low sense of self-esteem. Thing didn’t go well. I moved to NYC for a ""gap year"" which really was just an excuse wrapped up in jargon hiding that my life was in shambles and in an overdrive that I couldn’t control. 



My grandmother got sick. A canoe accident that turned into head trauma that developed into dementia. The boat was in no way the cause but the swelling caused severe temporary dizziness. Perhaps it accelerated the neurological deterioration. I moved back from NYC. Commuted to college. Took care of my grandmother as her condition progressed. Changed her diapers. Fed her. Slept in the same bed with her on countless nights because she was a fall risk. But also because she was the only token of familiarity left for me in my family. But I was resentful. My father lived down the street and did nothing. My stepmom was dismissive of my feelings and always made me feel like it was ""just"" my grandmother dying — somehow less than the pain she felt when her father died. My grandfather wanted to sell our home. My dad wanted to buy it but my stepmother said I made her not feel like family, so she refused. The house sold for pennies. It was the home my grandfather built with his hands. It was my grandmothers pride and joy. It was the place of my greatest memories.



We all went separate ways. My father had an extra bedroom for my brother (I have two older brothers) but not for me. I moved into a shitty basement studio in the nearby city. Stayed there for a year. Couldn’t wrap my head around the dissolution of my family and the fact that this person - my stepmother - was given the power to make such impactful decisions regarding all of us and that my father was letting her. My grandmother was placed into an assisted living facility. I felt that it was my fault because my stepmother blamed me for why they didn’t purchase our home. I couldn’t understand what was so wrong with me that I made her and her daughter so uncomfortable that she was willing to destroy my family. Her feelings and her daughters feelings always took precedent over what was best for my brothers and I. If I tried to voice this, I was shut down and told I was overly sensitive and dramatic.



I wanted to go to law school. She rolled her eyes and told me I was unintelligent. After college, my studio lease was up. I had struggled immensely in school. I went from someone who was academically gifted to having a hard time writing an essay. I basically couch surfed between my dads and my moms while working in the service industry. My stepmother invited me to live with her after I basically slept on her living room couch fo 3 months. I was ridiculed constantly by her and her daughter. They invalidated everything I said but if I was quiet I was making them uncomfortable. I couldn’t win. Her daughter was extremely introverted - didn’t go to college, had few friends and no social life. But I was the weird one if I didn’t talk. We eventually started to argue because I felt picked on. She constantly reminded me that it was her house and that she wasn’t going to walk on eggshells. It got so uncomfortable that I left. Moved into one of my uncles rental units. It was decent inside but the building was dirty and dilapidated. I stopped speaking to my dad. I could understand how he didn’t defend me in the multitude of moments that I was berated by his wife for doing nothing. For existing. She said she didn’t care if she was to become an evil stepmother toward me while my father was always passive and quiet. What hurts not are the words of your enemy but the silence of your friend. I couldn’t feel this more deeply in relation to my family.



A year went by of basically no contact despite the fact that they lived down the road. I was approved for a lease in a much nicer town at a much nicer apartment. My father was shocked when my uncle told him I was moving. He called me and said he felt that he failed me and didn’t provide me an environment in which I could thrive and be successful as I had always envisioned. As he knew I could be. He plead with me to move back in. I deliberated until the last hour and didn’t sign  the lease. I moved back in. But by this point I was used to being a recluse. I had no relationship with any of my family members. I lost all my friends. I had no confidence or self esteem. No direction. I was suicidal. Extremely depressed. And worked many hours at a better paying job, albeit also in the service industry, as a means to escape but also a means to just get by. And that’s what I was doing. Just getting by. 



I was 26 and hardly surviving. Making great money but I can’t tell you where it went. Mainly takeout and food delivery. I did nothing with my life otherwise. If I wasn’t working I was sleeping. And by sleeping I mean I would sleep for 2 days at a time if I was off consecutively.



So I moved back in. I also bought a franchise with my brother which meant that I was working more. I didn’t get congratulated for buying a business and  it was clear from the moment that I reentered their home that I wasn’t welcome by my stepmom or her daughter. Their distaste for me was permeable. For once in my life I was finally making good money but still I wasn’t good enough to be treated as human. I was still the scapegoat for everything. If I breathed in the wrong direction I was criticized. I started to argue with my stepmom again. I said I felt that she didn’t like me. She said she was learning to dislike me and that again, I made her so uncomfortable that she was considering divorcing my father. She went so far as to pointing out the apartment complex she was considering. I felt so compromised. I didn’t know what to say or do but just knew that I didn’t want to feel attacked anymore. So I left. Again. Leased an apartment and moved out. Its now 7 or 8 months later and I haven’t spoke to her and I’ve hardly had a relationship with my dad. She’s posted about me countless times on Facebook and Instagram and even created an additional Instagram account to post cryptic quotes that conveniently appeared after each of our arguments. She also used these accounts to show her relationships with my other family members, including a new niece and nephew. A family that she took from me. A family that she loves to parade as not including me.



I’m not sure what to do anymore. I feel alone. I attempted suicide 2 months ago and saw a psychiatrist who recommended inpatient. It’s hard for me to even describe the last 10 years and my relationship with her because I don’t even trust my own feelings. Any time I open up I feel like I’m going to be invalidated. The kid who at one time was 17 and hopeful for his future had died. I’m 27, severely depressed, nearly mute if I’m not working and also so incredibly anxious. I can’t form relationships with people. I feel so I secure. I doubt everything about myself.



I miss my father. I miss the security I used to have. I wish I didn’t leave this last time because maybe if I’d stayed longer she would have actually left. Maybe things would have gotten better, even if that meant another argument or two.



I don’t understand what is wrong with me. Why there seems to be, according to my stepmother, something inherently so uncomfortable and wrong about me. She said I’m ""exactly"" like my mother, who I know she has a level of distaste for. I have been through many things in my life but this has been the worst and I am at my breaking point. I know I sound like I’m whining but I have no one to talk to.



I have a feeling that if I ask my dad if I can stay with him again he’s going to say no. I know she would laugh, despite that her 32 year old daughter still lives there. I have no stability. Rant over I guess.",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
11b6ixg,25/02/2023,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/11b6ixg/my_stepdad_drives_me_insane/,step child,"I really dislike my stepdad or as I like to refer to him, my mom's husband. My mom married him when I was 8 and it was only a few months after my real dad died. My mom then fell in love with her coworker Dane (my stepdad). Dane has always been an obnoxious person who can't keep his mouth shut. He has always tried acting like he is my dad and used to constantly demand that I call him dad. He tried literally everything to try and get me to call him dad, like saying how Im his ""baby girl"", to saying my dad would want me to have a father figure, etc,etc.Dane is also kind of a creep, for example me and my mom are big fans of superhero movies. You can say what you want but I love them. Well for Halloween last year I was finally able to go to this halloween party with my mom (I am 18 so my mom finally let me) and Dane decided to tag along. Well me and my mom wanted to go as superheroes due to our love of them. So Dane says he will order them, when they finally arrive he got my mom a very revealing Wonder Woman costume and for me a semi revealing Scarlet Witch costume. Since it was the day before the party and they didn't have those costumes in our size at stores near us, we just took them and wore them.At the party he basically showed off my mom like she was an object and then I overheard him talking with a friend of his about how ""Im developing"" and they both snickered. I was grossed out and furious but my mom didn't do anything because she says he has a ""weird sense of humor"". To make it worse he seems to refuse to accept me coming out as lesbian and says stuff like how I'll ""get over it one day"", and on top of that keeps trying to set up dates for me with guys he finds ""acceptable to date his princess"". Im just tired of dealing with Dane and Im not planning on having much contact with him when I move out for college. Anyways thanks for listening.",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
10h7t3x,20/01/2023,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/10h7t3x/crazy_stepmother/,step child,"I'm not normally one to go on a rant like this, but I am about fed up. I live with my grandmother. I have always lived with my grandmother as my father was a teen parent, and my mother left the picture when I was about 3. Even when my father moved out, I always made it clear I wanted to stay with my grandmother as she took over the role of mom, so we have always had a close bond. Me and my father have always gotten along great but some of his lifestyle choice's I don't agree with, but it's his life and I'm not going to tell him how to live it.



My father started dating a woman he had a crush on for years, but he never really knew her all that well. Within 6 months of dating, they were engaged.  I liked her at first, as I like to give everyone, I meet a fair chance.  A family member knew of some of the activities she was involved in (drug dealing, doing drugs, police putting a GPS on her vehicle to track where she was) years before and told us we needed to tell my father to run! At this point though everyone wanted to give her a chance hoping she had changed as it seemed she had turned her life around. My father moved in with her and she began to become very controlling after that.



We start to get close to the wedding and everyone finds out she is pregnant. I was excited I had always wanted a sibling (of course when I stop asking, I get one). We find out later that she had made my father sign a prenup and that if they ever get divorced, she gets everything. My fathers the type of guy though that he wants to work things out he doesn't believe in divorce unless adultery is involved.  Now the wedding comes and goes, (she tries to force me to move in which does not happen) and my little brother is born. Within the first year of the baby's life there were quite a few fights where he was kicked out and accused of cheating which there was no way he could have considering he was at work all day and my uncle was with him, plus she was tracking his phone. (This was nothing compared to what happens later)



We now move on to when baby number two arrives. Now let me tell you these two little babies are the sweetest things ever. After the littlest one is born things are great for about 4 months I would say, they had gotten into an argument, once again. There have been issues on both sides and he once again was kicked out. They work it out and get themselves together. I had been staying a lot of weekends since baby 1 was born so I could spend time with my brothers and give Dad and my stepmother a break (as well as my stepsister as she had been being asked to watch the boys to much in my opinion and wasn't being allowed to be a teenager, but another parent). The only thing was when Me or my stepsister are available to babysit, they take it as an opportunity to throw a party downstairs, I'm not saying having some unwind time with friends is a bad thing but when I found out drugs were involved that's a whole different story (especially since they both had been supposedly clean for years).  Things started to go downhill really fast; the fights picked back up but this time instead of yelling it turned physical. She had gotten messed up and had picked a fight, so my dad had picked up the oldest baby figuring maybe they could use a break from each other she started trying to punch my father and punched the baby in the process, so he took both the boys loaded them up worried for their safety. She then called the police on him for taking the boys and preceded to pull a full on fast and furious car chase.  On another occasion she called him threatening divorce, and that she was going to take the two babies and he would never see them again (using my brothers as a weapon against him).



This particular time I had agreed to watch my brothers for the evening They had wanted to go to a friend's house, so I agreed even though I had plans early the next morning, my grandmother and her husband stayed with me till 12am as they wanted to see the little ones. my stepsister had taken the oldest baby to bed with her once she got home from work and I had the little one with me downstairs he had a bad cough, so I was sitting on the recliner holding him on my chest trying to keep him elevated enough he wouldn't choke. 3am rolls around and I watch my father coming in through the door (without his wife) and locking it telling me to not let anyone in. He then grabs the baby and takes him upstairs to bed with him and getting the oldest from my stepsister. I head to the guest bedroom and go to sleep in my jeans as i forgot to bring pjs. Morning rolls around and i head upstairs to check on my brothers to find my stepmother is back at home, but something seemed off between the two of them. Me and my father took the two boys' downstairs so he could fix them breakfast and I texted my grandmother asking if she could bring me my clothes since I was supposed to be at home, I hadn't brought my stuff with me and I didn't have anything at my stepmoms, and she was supposed to come pick me up anyways. I tried helping my dad in the kitchen till low and behold my stepmother walks in (I did get pretty mad at my father for how he responded) she began claiming that my dad cheated on her at the party even though he was with people that were there and could verify he was talking to his buddy. She then begins to demand his keys to his vehicle, and he tells her no because she has just taken off before after something like this happened. So, she starts trying to dig into his pockets and he pushes her off of him and she tries to go at him again and he pushes her so hard she falls into the dining/living room slamming into one of the chairs. I am standing here frozen at this point, then they start going at it all the way into the living room, the baby boys both in their highchairs watching this and screaming and crying because mommy and daddy are fighting. I finally stop dead staring as he has pushed her into the couch and was holding her by the neck, so I run over and grab his arm and start pushing it off of her and telling him he needs to let go. As soon as I manage to get him off, she pops right off the couch and starts mouthing off again and started yelling saying even though I just watched the whole thing I would probably lie for him because our whole families made of liars. I kept my mouth shut at this point because there is no need egging her on, my stepsister comes downstairs and takes over being in between them while I run over to the boys trying to calm them down (and that is why I no longer spend the night).



A few weeks later another argument rolls around my father called asking me if I wanted to grab lunch with him and the boys (I thought it was odd when he didn't mention her). He comes and picks me up only to start ranting to me that they had got to fighting and she had pulled a gun and threatened to shoot herself in front of the two boys.



The latest spat is about me though I am a graduated high school student now I graduated 6 months early, my step-grandfather paid for my high-school program my father said he would pay him back which he never did. My stepmother wanted me to get a job as soon as I turned 15, and I understood that I wanted to work but covid had started and I was high risk.  I also only had my learners (I still only have my learners) and that's how she was trying to get me to move in holding that I didn't have a job over my head but if I moved in with her, she could drive me to work. My father also said he would pay for drivers Ed which he never did, and I told my grandparents who take care of me that my father rarely does anything, and they had already spent a lot of money on me they are not going to pay for my drivers ed if I have to ill wait till, I'm 18 to take the test. Which that seems like what's going to be happening considering I have had my learners for about 3 years, which my grandmother cleans an office building once a month and an elderly man's house once a week and has handed that over to me so I can have the cash from doing that I'm also trying to find a job online I can do for the time being.



I recently though had to go to the ER for a medical problem I had. I held off going to the ER because I knew it would become a money issue with my stepmother (as they have me on their insurance and tax return and in all honesty my grandparents should be getting that money as they have taken care of me not them). All the doctor's offices were booked 4 weeks out and when I got to the Er, they said it was good I came in then because if I had waited any longer it could have become dangerous. But after I got back from the hospital instead of, I'm glad you are ok, I get fussed about for a hospital bill! She also concocted a plan in which she got me back in contact with my mother, I'm glad she did but I knew it was for an ulterior motive and I got my answer why today. She started saying my mom needed to step up to the plate and take on responsibility. My father asked my mother to leave when I was younger as she kept trying to come in and out of my life, he told her she didn't need to pay child support because she was young too and could barely keep her life together, but she wasn't going to walk in and out of my life like his dad did. I'm glad me and my mother are talking but I don't need or wish my stepmother to try and control what me, my mom or any of my family try and do. I really love my two little brothers, but I believe it's best I don't go over there again as she has started all-out war over going to the ER.



Please excuse me for my rant, but its better I let if out on here than in front of my family and cause more issues.",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
y47tpr,14/10/2022,11,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/y47tpr/stepmom_hates_me_and_it_ruined_my_relationship/,step child,"Sorry in advance if this gets a bit ranty/disorganized, this just has been building up over years and I never got to properly talk about it...

I'm not necessarily looking for advice and more just to rant, but if anyone does have any kind of advice on how to handle this, I wouldn't mind that either.



So, both of my parents got married again after their divorce, and it's been a few years. Both assured me they'd always love me, there's always a place for me, and so on... My stepdad is awesome, if a bit rough around the edges. He never had kids, so some things were hard to navigate, but I really think him, my mom and I have grown into a happy, healthy family.



My stepmom on the other hand pretty much destroyed my relationship with my dad. I honestly don't know why... I like to think I wasn't a troublesome kid to deal with.

There was exactly one time I lied to them, when we visited my grandma on mom's side of the family and I told my dad I wasn't in town, then they found out I actually was and got mad, but I really think that's the only time I outright did something ""bad"".

And honestly, at first it seemed like my stepmom liked me, but at some point things tipped over and every time I visited, there was something I did wrong in her eyes... I was too quiet, too introverted, too ""dirty"" (just normal issues with hygiene that most teens deal with I'd say), I slept for too long, I didn't help out enough... And I tried my best to fix the things I could. I showered every day, put on an alarm to get up earlier, and offered to help (which always just got me an annoyed look of ""Should've offered that sooner"", even if I did it as soon as I noticed her cleaning something or being in the kitchen) but it just didn't change, there still was always something to berate me about. I feel like she just didn't like my mom's parenting style and things that my mom was totally fine with just bothered her but idk, it always felt like I was this huge problem. To put it into perspective... At the hight of my anxiety, the small voice in my head that was always nagging me about everything I did sounded like her voice, that's how bad it was for years.



So, to no one's surprise, I became less and less comfortable with being there and generally had less contact with my dad. Then she got mad about that, that I didn't reach out enough. One time she sat me down, told me it made my dad sad that I didn't text him more and followed it up with essentially ""You better fix this, because everyone who upsets my husband is my enemy""... Like, why would you say that to someone who's... 13-15 years old? I get that I could've done more and to an extend I regret that, but at the same time it sometimes felt like it was only me who had to put in the effort of staying in contact, never them.



I'm 20 now and this whole thing has progresses to me now being almost NC with my dad (partially due to generally being uncomfortable there and partially because he was never on my side/backed her up on a lot of things). I text him on father's day and his birthday, but that's it. I tried wishing my stepmom a happy birthday too last time, but she left me on read so... I guess I know where I stand there. Last year I spent christmas with his side of the family, but he was really busy and stepmom essentially ignored me. That was kind of the final nail in the coffin, I just don't want to go there anymore.

So yeah, I genuinely think once my grandma (who lives with them since she's sick) dies, that's gonna be my last tie to that side of the family breaking. I'm not interested on continuing a relationship with a side of the family where one party hates me and the other doesn't really care.



This is already ranty enough so if you've read until now, feel free to leave it at that, but since I'm already on it, I might as well get some of the other things out that have built up over the years...

- For one, she has sons too and, big surprise, when they started being teenagers, they got pretty similar to me (""lazy"", sleeping a lot, typical teenage smelliness) and it essentially wasn't an issue.

- One time my grandma gave me a bit of money that I accidentally kept inside my pants pocket and when stepmom found it while doing laundry, she barged in, thrusted the money towards me and asked what that was... Later called my grandma to confirm she gave me that money, so I very much think stepmom just assumed I stole that which... I've never stolen anything in my life and idk why she immediately jumped to that conclusion

- One time her and my dad had a fight over something and when she later walked by him and me hugging, she flipped out again, insulted him etc., and he said smth along the lines of ""Are you upset again because my daughter is visiting?"" She denied it at the time, but I have reason to believe that might really have been an issue

- Made me believe there was something genuinely wrong with me for being quiet and preferring to be home and not having/wanting a whole lot of friends (essentially just being an introvert)... I thought for years I was just broken, until I eventually realized it's okay to be an introvert, but before that were years of thinking I was terrible for being the way I am

- I went out with my stepbrothers one time and was just taking a break while they rode around with their bikes in the other direction... They apparently ran into my stepmom's cousin, and told me so when they got back, but when I turned around to check, nobody was there. Cousin apparently called my stepmom and told her how I didn't say hi, so stepmom chewed me out for being so rude... When I said I didn't see cousin, she just wouldn't believe me and told me to stop making excuses.

- She got hung up about me being selfish because I ate a lot of food once or something... Later that same day we all shared some fruit and when I finished my piece, my dad offered me to get the rest of his. I said several times I didn't want it but he insisted, so when I finally gave in just to make the discussion stop, stepmom exploded because ""That's exactly what I meant, you're so selfish""... I still don't know what I was supposed to do in that situation other than forever be in a cycle of ""I don't want it"" ""Just take it, it's okay""

- We went to visit stepmom's family for christmas one year and I wasn't told we'd be staying over night, so I didn't have a change of clothes... The next day I tried to sit with everyone and my stepmom randomly leaned in and quietly told me I smelled horrible, which just made me feel bad and I essentially spent the rest of the day sittinf away from everyone else because I felt like I'd be bothering them otherwhise... In turn, I was then bad for not socializing

- One time we were looking for a movie to watch on Netflix and when they read through one I just noted I had already watched that one (kind of in a neutral tone, in my mind I was gonna add smth about whether it was good or not) and she immediately cut me off saying in am annoyed tone that nobody cares

- Last year on Christmas I actually had a bit of a talk with my grandma and she randomly noted how she often felt like my stepmom maybe was jealous of me, which honestly... Yeah, it might be an explanation for a lot of things? But at the same time I don't get it, because... I'm my dad's daughter, I'm never going to fulfill the same role as his wife

- One year they sent me a birthday present as a package which got delivered to the post office due to us not being home and I couldn't pick it up before my birthday so I was gonna pick it up that afternoon... Then I got a long text from my dad on my birthday, right after school (when I couldn't even have unpacked anything yet) about how he was so disappointed that I didn't even say thanks (when before that I think HE hadn't even wished me a happy birthday) and so on, and I really couldn't say anything other than ""I didn't get it yet, sorry, I'll pick it up later."" Then I got an angry text by my stepmom about how she's going to check via post tracking if I was lying... Which I obviously wasn't, so I didn't hear back, but nobody ever apologized for blowing up at me.



Now that's REALLY all I've got for now, sorry for making it so long, I don't think anyone even read this far (Which is fine, I guess this is more a rant for myself than anything)",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
u9smy2,23/04/2022,11,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/u9smy2/i_dont_know_why_and_im_done/,step child,"I can't believe I never searched for a stepkids subreddit before. I found this on my primary account and created this new account to post here.



I don't really know how to talk to people about what I went through with my stepmom and bio-dad, I don't think anyone who had a nuclear family really understands what stepkids can go through and the way media presents it is so dumb. It always gets presented as either step-parents are assholes and biological parents are the only ones who can love their children (looking at you, Roland Emmerich) OR it's just the step-parent trying to make things work and the kid hates them.



My step-mom hates me and I don't why. At first, she was really sweet and amazing and I thought I was so lucky to have two sets of parents that loved me. After my step-mom and bio-dad got married, that's when she became very distant and somewhat verbally abusive and my bio-dad was okay with it. My interpretation of it was that she was just trying to ""get in"" and once she was in, she wanted me ""out"". She tried to spend as little as time as possible around me after that and never spoke to me unless it was necessary.



The few times it was necessary, it was usually over my performance in college. I had moved to their area to go to college there as at the time, I didn't understand what was happening and I thought if I tried to be in their lives more, maybe things would be different. I did not think about how my mom and step-dad would feel about this. I apologized to them later after some real shit went down between my step-mom/bio-dad and me about grades. Fortunately they forgave me. I think they understood that I was confused and was not trying to abandon them for ""my REAL family"" or something bizarre like that. But at the time I saw my relationship with my bio-dad and step mom failing and I desperately wanted to save it. I went to a school I had just barely gotten into and the courses I took were beyond my capability because I was trying to get into a field that was seen as successful to impress my family. I was miserable and when I was confronted by my step-mom and bio-dad about my grades, She said ""I always knew you couldn't do it"". The distant just got worse from there.



Her whole demeanor would change around me. Anytime I was around, I hardly ever saw her smile or express anything that would constitute interest in a conversation or being in area that I was in, but whenever I saw her with anyone else, it was all smiles and joy and warm-ness. It started to strike home in me that she just hated me and there might not be a cure for it.



My bio-dad tried to compromise between my step-mom and me. Looking back at it makes me wonder how I tolerated it. It was so pathetic. But at the time, so was I. There was a point where I took out my anger on my step-dad/bio-mom for how college was going for me and I went to stay with step-mom/bio-dad. It was awful, they threatened to make me homeless by no longer supporting me through college. I had no money. My bio-dad decided not to go through with it, but I'm sure my step-mom was not happy with that decision. For the next few years I was terrified that they would pull the rug from under me and finish college. I started working to make myself as financially independent as possible.



I finished school and started working in a field I was decent at. I tried to salvage what was left of our relationship, but after awhile I realized I that there was nothing that could cure what was once fear, my now hatred of my step-mom and bio dad. It pisses me off every single day. I'm so angry at them for being the way that they were. I would never accept a partner that didn't love my kids, I would never marry someone with kids and not be their parent. If I was my bio-dad, I would've divorced my SO for this shit. They are no longer in my life and they will never see their first grandchild or see me get married. I don't claim to be perfect, but I do claim to have thought that if I loved my step-mom and dad, then things would've worked out



It's not all bad though. Contrasted to my step-mom and everything I just wrote, my step-dad is incredible. He is a great dad and just a great guy really. My mom really lucked out for sure. They have a couple kids now and we are not treated differently from each other. My step-dad told me once that he sometimes gets asked ""how can you love kids that are not your own?"" (which just goes to show the general attitude towards stepkids) and he responses ""Hell sometimes I like them more than my own"" which I thought was pretty funny. Sometimes my siblings are pretty annoying (when are siblings not, right? lol). I love my half-siblings as my own. I don't explain to anyone that we're half-siblings unless they ask because A) I don't see them as my half-siblings and B) I'm not ashamed of what we are. I still see them often and we are pretty happy.



I guess in the end, your real family are the ones that are not bound by blood or marriage, but simply by love. I don't know why people enter these relationships with hate for their step-kid, but I'm done with it and I never want anything to do with them again",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
15xqqw5,22/08/2023,1,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/15xqqw5/question_for_step_kids/,step parent,"Been with fiancé going on 6 years. Step daughter 9’s mom is high functioning but very mentally ill. She’s been telling SD “your dad loves your step mom more than he loves you” and worse since the kid was 3. At 4 years old she told her she would die if the kid was nice to me. Naturally the kid trying to save her mom’s life was a jerk. She’ll make up lies and do whatever she can to make sure her daughter and I don’t have a healthy relationship bc she’s still not over the dad.



Sooo for years she bad mouthed us, some things were true, lots were completely made up. Most times I’ve done something nice with my Sd resulted in angry phone calls stating “you think she’s a better mom than me? She’ll stop caring about you the moment her and your dad break up”. My fiancé refused to tell his daughter the truth about how sick her mom was but recently we have been.



Sd would often accuse us of things her mom said or just be moody based on something she said and she seemed visibly depressed.



I keep hearing that there should be a presentation of a united front, but I also don’t know how well this works when both parties don’t agree to do this. The mom has bpd and is a narcissist so she will only act like she’s on teams with us to achieve an ulterior motive.



Do you think controlling the narrative matters or should we let the kid believe lies about us?



How should I as a step parent interact with the kid knowing it will agitate her mom and cause more trauma?



At this point it’s been emotionally traumatic for me, so I’m pretty dissociated when she’s around (every other week), but I don’t feel  like it’s healthy. I’m very cordial, but we also barely talk when I’m watching her. Is this doing more damage?



I guess I’m asking “when your mom blatantly hates and attacks your step mom + dad and uses you as a pawn, what is the most realistic way for your dad and step mom to create a healthy environment?”



Also how do I deal with the discomfort of SD coming around due to all the trauma stemming from her being there?",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
14me5td,29/06/2023,7,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/14me5td/jealous_stepmom/,step child,"Y’all, I cannot deal with this anymore. I am 23F and my dad and stepmom are in their 50s. My parents divorced when I was younger, and my biological mother passed when I was 17, ironically the same week my dad and stepmom got married. For the past 6 years I’ve dealt with my stepmother being ridiculously jealous of me. Since I’m older, my dad and I used to have daddy-daughter dates for some bonding one-on-one time, but those quickly came to a stop when my stepmom decided she didn’t like that he was spending time with me outside of her even though I haven’t lived at home since I was 18 so she gets his attention full time. SM has no kids of her own, so I understand that she can’t comprehend my relationship with my dad. 2 years ago I went 8 months of no contact with my dad and SM due to the disrespect that she gives to me and how my dad allows it. Since, we have managed to get back on decent terms. We decided to vacation to London and Paris this week as my dad wanted to experience my first out of country vacation with me. Stepmom is along with her nephew (21M) and it started out fine. We are 5 days in and I can say she has ultimately ruined this experience for me and I have decided to never travel with her again. Some examples: my dad was taking photos of me in front of the Eiffel Tower and she quickly got angry and started yelling at my dad “Take my picture! You should be taking my photo, I’m your wife!” She continued to bitch and whine about this for 2 hours following the incident. Yesterday, I had a work call I needed to be on that afternoon, so I asked to go back to the hotel to have some quiet and I would meet them afterwards- but my dad decided he wanted to come back as well to rest before dinner and the nighttime tour through Paris. When stepmom and her nephew came back to hotel to get ready for dinner, she pulled me out in the hallway and yelled at me for leaving them without telling them and no battery on their phones. (I sent texts to both stepmom and nephew that I would be leaving for a couple of hours and my dad told them in person that we would be going back to hotel. There was no mention of low battery on phones and they were definitely made aware of our absence). I simply apologized that she felt that way and reminded her that I had told her many times about my scheduled call. She had a horrible attitude the rest of the day. It was miserable. My dad went to compliment my outfit today and I shushed him and mentioned how I didn’t want my stepmom to hear because she will get angry and be in a nasty mood. My dad is my only living parent and I would love to keep my relationship with him, but I cannot handle my stepmother anymore. It hurts that he cannot show love to me without her being so nasty to me and my dad about it. My dad is a quiet man and won’t stand up for himself although he mentions to her that he doesn’t like her attitude but nothing changes. Overall, she’s beyond immature. And I’ve completely supported myself since 18 yrs old, so all I can do is remove myself from them. Which hurts me so much since I long for the relationship with my dad, but I’ve kinda given up.Anyone relate? I feel so alone.",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
p3bdr8,12/08/2021,18,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/p3bdr8/does_my_stepmom_hate_me_or_does_she_just_not_like/,step child,"So my dad is basically Mr. Worldwide with all the women he dated only to end up with a local (that being my stepmom).



By that point I was I wanna say... 11 and was so used to dad's lady friends coming and going that I was just waiting for them to break up. But nah, they ended up being married. At the start of meeting Stepmom her and I would interact a fair amount. She would ask me how school was and I ended up saying ""Same old same old"" and would go to my room to daydream. But other than that we would talk. Sometimes get our nails done. It was nice. I acted cutesy and childish (without realizing it, I changed myself in hopes of her loving me). That would then cause insecurities of her not loving me which upset her. My insecurities stemmed from this one bitch my dad dated who would make me stay over at mom's simply because she didn't want me around dad. And dad would comply. So of course that scarred little me (I was 9 or 10 at the time of that fiasco.) Stepmom from then on was more distant with me. There were also some incidents where we would play around (she plays rough) and I would then start to freak out because again I was traumatized from that other girl dad used to date. So she stopped playing with me. Whenever Stepmom wanted to pull a prank or something on dad I would rat because I just thought we were joking around or some shit I don't know!



So here we are now... distant as all hell. Our conversations last around 10 seconds to 2 minutes tops. I remember opening up to her recently about how I was catcalled and followed in hopes of her warming up some more but she just said ""Did you tell your parents? Maybe you shouldn't be walking around alone."" When I explained that this happened right down my block and in broad daylight she went ""Hm."" And that was the end of the conversation.



On Christmas she buys plenty of gifts for me including anxiety books (she knows I have it) and then that makes me so conflicted because I'm like... so she doesn't hate me? Or is she just like ""ah she's whatever"" with me?



I remember one time my dad was being a douche and said ""go get the thing"" as he pointed to a bunch of stuff. When I said I don't know what he's talking about he gets angry and got slightly more specific albeit still rude. I then said ""Ah ok. But you... didn't have to say it like that."" Then Stepmom, who was quiet during the whole thing, inserted herself in the situation saying ""you're a child, he's the adult, he can talk to you however he wants"" and I'm thinking ""Tf? Whenever my dad is being a pos you say nothing but the moment I respectfully bring up a good point suddenly you hope in and say something?""



Like... I can't figure her out!



Maybe deep down she really does care about me but just doesn't know how to deal with me. And I don't know how to deal with her. Hell I wouldn't be surprised if deep down I actually resent her to a degree! I remember crying about how she doesn't seem affectionate with me and she said she does that because she simply wasn't raised like that and that I'm not her biological kid so she's unsure how my mom would feel about that (she brought up a good point but little me was not mentally mature enough to truly get that)



I guess she can't figure me out just like I can't figure her out.",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
14eqzl2,20/06/2023,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/14eqzl2/my_stepdad_bottles_up_his_feelings_and_then_takes/,step child,"So I've been living with my Mom and stepdad for quite some time now, growing up my biological father was an acholic and left, a couple years later my mom met my current stepdad when I was in 4th grade, I'm currently 20 years old. Growing up I was a pretty lazy kid that liked to skip school and play video games all day and oftentimes I would hear him muttering to himself about how useless I was so naturally my opinion of him wasn't the greatest. He would continue to do this for quite some time. Fast forward to today, I graduated form high school and wasn't sure what to do with my life and a part of me still feels this way but I've been working on being more productive I.E going to work, working out, cooking for myself, my current goal is to be a professional bodybuilder and Im working very hard to reach my goal. But still to this day he is always quiet, angry and would snap at the smallest of problems like not cleaning the dishes right after or not doing laundry even though I'm not asked to. Eventually he would let out these bottled feelings and come screaming at me, using every every work under the sun just to prove to himself that I'm useless even tho I know I'm not. I've talked to my Mom about this and she also agrees he can be crazy sometimes. Unfortunately once the ball starts rolling anything I say or do just makes the problem worse. I came to reddit because I feel like this is the only place I can talk about this anonymously and this problem is really starting to weigh down on me. Thank you so much for reading",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
13g0l8m,12/05/2023,13,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/13g0l8m/am_i_22f_in_the_wrong_for_not_having_stepdad_be/,step child,"So my parents (49M and 46F) broke up when I was a baby and later on when I was 8 my dad met my StepMom who I'll be calling Laina (47F), my mom met my StepDad who I will call Frank (51M) when I was 11. They got married when I was 13. Frank tried being my dad and I hated it, he never respected boundaries, was kinda creepy by trying to talk to me about feminine hygiene, etc. He hated that I never called him dad and it led to us just not having a relatinship. He and my mom got divorced when I was 19 after he cheated on her. For my wedding I will be having my dad as father of the bride and both my Mom and Laina as mothers of the bride, they are fine with this. I have not kept much contact with Frank since my mom left him but he found out about my wedding and called me furious, asking why he wasn't included as a father of the bride. I told him that he was never a father figure and that he wasn't even my stepdad anymore. He got pissed and started yelling about how he was more of a man than my father ever was and other crap so I just hung up. I told my mom and she said she got calls from him too and that he threatened her. She told me to consider just doing it to stop any drama but I am pretty firm on this. Frank has been bombarding me on social media calling me a terrible excuse for a human and daughter. So I don't know what to do anymore.",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
12f7gu7,08/04/2023,9,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/12f7gu7/i_hate_my_stepdad/,step child,"I live with my dad full time, but i visit my mom from time to time. Last weekend I went to visit, mind you, they have to boys together which are my brothers. While I was there,I had to help with everything. I had to help with my brother the whole weekend becausr he does nothing. He doesn’t even work anymore. If he’s not working, idk why he can’t help with the boys, he just lays around, then complains that he’s tired. Idk what from because he’s not doing anything. I don’t know why my mom allows this because she’s never been with a lazy man who doesn’t do anything. I wish they would just break up and move on. He’s apart of the reason i moved away in the first place. He’s the worst type of man you could’ve ever want.",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
ogjb3s,08/07/2021,11,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ogjb3s/is_my_stepmom_sexist/,step child,"My stepmom has been in my life since I was 5 years old, she’s treated me like a grown adult since then (because I’m a female). She has 2 grandsons that are both a few years younger than me and she would basically treat them how a 1 and 3 year old were supposed to be treated while I was being treated like an adult ex: she would say I needed to learn how to cook and clean the house for my “future husband” and I “should already know” how to do these tasks at 5 years old. While her grandsons got to enjoy their childhood and never had to lift a finger in the house 5-15 year old me (now) had to always wash dishes everyday, clean up after my dad and her grandsons, clean the kitchen, mop the floors, take out the trash, vacuum the whole house, dress modest to please grown men’s eyes and not dress like a “slut”<— (as my stepmom said) etc. My stepmom one time told me that I was going to be a professional dishwasher, she also said that ever since I cut my hair I looked like a boy, she called me a whore, she told me not to eat too much and I’ll learn once I start getting “rolls”. My stepmoms grandsons are treated like kings, she still bathes them and they are now 13 and 11. She cooks for them, takes them to fun places and leaves me home to do house work. I’ve never gotten to enjoy a summer and I’ve never been out of the country once while my dad, stepmom, and her 2 grandsons been out of the country multiple time’s without me on purpose so that they could have “extra money” to spend on the grandsons. Her grandsons make messes on purpose and I have to clean up after them, and they never get lectured on making a mess, but when I accidentally spill water on the floor all hell breaks loose and I’m criticized by mom stepmom for days My stepmom calls me disgusting for having my period while her grandsons literally dig in their pants and touch and scratch their d*ck and balls then touch everything, cough and sneeze in their hands, have shitty draws and they are still considered “clean” by her. She also one time threatened me that she was going to leave my dad if I didn’t continue doing the dishes since I stopped because it wasn’t fair that I had to wash dishes everyday and do housework all day while her grandsons did nothing. She praises them for little things such as helping her bring groceries in the house (which a toddler could do) and I don’t even get a thank you. She always says that she only wants grandsons and that girls are hard and a burden. Is my stepmom misogynistic or am I being overly dramatic cause I’m slowly loosing my cool.",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
zmjx1i,15/12/2022,18,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/zmjx1i/how_do_i_deal_with_the_awkwardness_between_me_m21/,step child,"Context: my dad and my stepmom have been married since 2014, dating since 2010ish. Bio parents divorced in 2008. Even when I was young, me and my stepmom were never particularly close. In the almost 13 years since I've known her, she has never picked me (or my younger brother) up from school, cooked us a meal, asked about our personal interests/hobbies, etc. She's always just been my dad's partner. Nothing more, nothing less. 



It also doesn't help that growing up, I would always (unintentionally) stumble upon text exchanges between her and my dad/her friends talking poorly about me and my brother (the glow from phone screens in the car always cast a surprisingly vivid and legible reflection on surrounding windows at night). For instance, I remember one time when I was in middle school, my dad texted SM that he was going to make spaghetti for dinner (at me and my brother's request). Her response was: ""Your kids always win."" Though I don't actively resent her (we don't even interact enough for that to be an option), I think a part of me will always feel detached from her. 



Since moving out for college, I stay in my own apartment where I live alone, but live close enough to home where I drive back to visit my bio mom, grandparents, and dad pretty consistently (occasional weekends, holiday breaks, etc.). Because I don't see SM as often, things are especially cold whenever I return home to my dad's. Neither of us greet each other when seeing one another, and neither of us say goodbye when one of us leaves. I only engage with my dad, with whom I have a great relationship with, but feel helpless whenever he is gone and it's just me and SM at the table, in a room, etc. I recognize that I should be the bigger person and try to be cordial to her for his sake, but I just can't bring myself to do it. It physically makes me anxious. I'm positive my dad is aware of the lack of relationship my brother and I have with SM, but I think at this point he knows it's too late to fix and would rather not say anything about it. 



At this point, my anxiety surrounding the situation has gotten so bad that I dread going to visit my dad (which I hate, because I love my dad). When I do stay at his house, I always wait inside my room until my father and his wife leave the dining area before I go out and cook food for myself (even if I'm starving). To be frank, I don't think things will ever be resolved between me and my SM, and I'm ok with that. At this point, I'm just asking for advice on how to manage my emotions and stay sane when I go over to my dad's house.",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
14qmd4u,04/07/2023,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/14qmd4u/i_hate_my_stepmom/,step child,"First of all, English is not my first language so if there’s any errors I apologize now. My dad has been dating a woman for about a year now. She has two daughters (12 and 17) and I have one younger brother(11). She’s a nice person to about everyone except me and I genuinely don’t know why. First thing is she shows my little brother just as much love as both her daughters and goes above and beyond on birthdays, and holidays and makes sure he’s happy.  For Christmas, he got a $2,000 gaming computer from her and she gave me a pack of crayons. I’m 14 years old and haven’t used crayons in 5 years. For his birthday she gave him an iPhone, for mine I got a T-shirt from one of those little beach stores that are like $10. She also gets her daughters gifts like high amount gift cards, tvs for bedrooms, and whatever clothing they ask for. Another huge issue I have with her is how much of a health nut she is to me. Whenever we go out to eat, she always pressures me into getting healthy items (nothing wrong with eating healthy) however, whenever I’m with her she never allows me to eat anything deemed “unhealthy” ( ice cream, pizza, fries, etc) and all other kids can eat whatever they want. She wouldn’t even let me eat my own birthday cake when I turned 14. I was always a bigger kid, until about two years ago when I developed bulimia. She knows I’m in recovery, and seems like she’s almost forcing me to go back into those habits. My dad tells me she’s just not fully adjusted to my brother and I yet, and to give her time but this has been going on since I met her. What do I do?",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
na8ny5,11/05/2021,9,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/na8ny5/stepchild_looking_for_a_different_perspective/,step child,"I posted this to r/stepparents but it got taken down, I'm hoping I can still get some adult perspectives here but anything is good!



I'm a 22F, my dad is in his 50s and his girlfriend is a similar age. I also have a brother who's 20. Dad's GF also has a daughter who's 18 (but not relevant to this, she's very nice). I want to explain the situation I'm in and get another adult's perspective



My dad has a history of picking....interesting characters. To list a few examples, one of his girlfriends broke into the house and threw plates/glasses to the ground. Another showed up to the house when my brother and I were home alone (I was around 13) and tried to get inside after her and my dad broke up. She definitely wouldn't have hurt us but it really scared us. The worst was one who would constantly drunk text me (sometimes off of my dad's phone) how lazy and stupid I am (I graduated high school with a 3.5 GPA and college with a 3.7 for reference), my mom got a restraining order against this one because she kept calling my mom's workplace and even slashed one of her tires. My dad knew about this and didn't care. My dad is definitely a classic narcissist who can do no wrong



When he finally broke up with the worst girlfriend and got with his current one (let's call her Amy), I was so ready to like her. She seemed really ditzy and annoying, but that's a huge upgrade from the others! I definitely didn't love her, but I could easily deal with her in small doses. My brother and I would just talk about her privately and figured we could easily cope with her if it made our dad happy.



Over quarantine my brother and I moved home and Amy basically moved in too, she was there 4 days a week (even though her daughter lives with her full time but whatever). Pretty quickly she showed her true colors. She's a big Trump supporter to this day and makes a lot of racial ""jokes"" that are really just calling minorities racial slurs and thinking it's funny. Her favorite is saying the N-word, but it's ""fine"" because she's ""just quoting someone."" She would bring up political discussions knowing that she was the only conservative. My brother and I told our dad we didn't like when Amy made jokes/brought up those topics, he said he would talk to her but it never changed. Amy can also be very petty, she makes a lot of passive comments about how I don't go out much, how I don't have many friends, how it's no surprise my boyfriend broke up with me (that one really hurt. We were together for 5 years and recently split). She says these things as ""jokes"" but doesn't stop even though I tell her/my dad that those things hit a nerve. And I will add, I'm not perfect either! I know for a fact I don't say anything to her (because my dad will get angry) but I definitely roll my eyes and dumb things like that. I try to avoid her seeing, but I'm sure she does sometimes



We ended up getting in a pretty big explosive fight in November when Amy got drunk and called me stupid for voting for Biden. She (in front of my dad) called me cold, judgmental, and a bitch. In response to that I called her an ignorant racist (don't want to make it seem like my hands are totally clean here. Also her calling me judgmental is kind of fair because I DO judge her) My dad didn't defend me (throwback to the girlfriend who called me lazy). He told me to get over it because she was drunk. Even though he SAW that she initiated the fight by calling me stupid.



Fast forward to now, things are civil. It's clear that my brother and I don't like Amy and she doesn't like us either, but we coexist when we see each other. I've moved out and am moving again across the state in a few weeks. My brother is going back to the dorms in the fall. Amy and her daughter are moving into my dad's house in the next few months and I'm assuming marriage will come soon after that.



I'm learning to accept that my dad will always prioritize Amy over my brother and I. It really hurts, but clearly he's okay with ignoring her racism and focusing on what she wants over us (I can give more examples of him doing this if I need to, I'm just trying not to make this post even longer). And I guess since my brother and I are growing up he needs something else to focus on. I'm in therapy and one of the big things we talk about is how to cope with my dad and Amy.



I guess the point of this post is to ask actual stepparents their points of view – what would you do in my shoes? How would you want to be treated by a stepchild who doesn't particularly like you? And what should I expect in return from a stepparent who doesn't like me?",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
mtr5ij,19/04/2021,0,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/mtr5ij/help_with_complicated_parent_so/,other,"Hi! I apologize in advance for the weird post. I just thought you guys could offer a new perspective that would be helpful. My boyfriend and I are young adults and his parents started their divorce the month we started dating (so I have seen EVERYTHING) around 6 years ago. 



They both were not present parents but the divorce made it worse. They both took it as time to date everyone and ignoring their kids. His mom calmed down and apologized and looking back we then realized how much she played a part in maintaining his dads relationship with his kids. Without her he barely bothered to stay in contact and acted surprised at everything (he also let his parents call me a whore and mistreat me because I’m not white but that’s a whole other story). My boyfriends little sister says that my boyfriend was her father figure and too this day sees my boyfriend as her dad basically.



He started to date someone let’s call Sophie. Sophie is from the same cultural background as me so Its not a culture clash (she used that excuse before I told my bf it’s bull). He moved out of the house and later in with Sophie and never made an effort, to the point that my boyfriend had to go on public transport at 1 am alone as a teenager because he couldn’t bother making time for him. He is in his mid 50’s and had a vasectomy so he could not have anymore kids over 20 years ago, but Sophie wanted children. Because he said no the relationship turned so toxic he could not mention ANYTHING with children or his own children and she banned them from the apartment. She would not let him also be near my boyfriends mother (even though she was the one who wanted to divorce and always had another partner) so he could basically never see his children. He even thought about reversing his vasectomy but never did. I hold him accountable for letting Sophie basically ban him from seeing his children. He plays an equal if not bigger part in the issues today.



They broke up when his dad moved to another country but after the pandemic they got back together and she moved countries to be with him. She now does not allow him to talk to my boyfriends mother at all, which is hard because his sister graduates in a month (he calls her while she’s out of the house) and they still have things they are finishing from the divorce. She has no job and is staying illegally in the new country they live in which makes him the only person she knows their.



The big issue is for my boyfriends sisters grad she asked to have her dad visit (with all COVID precautions, and everyone they see all work or go to school from home). He has to stay at the house that my boyfriends mom lives in because he cannot afford and Airbnb after quarantine and wants to see his daughter a lot. Sophie will not allow my boyfriends dad to stay in the house if his mom is their even with a full extra room and bathroom. So my boyfriends mom has kindly offered to stay at her boyfriends so he can stay in the house and come on the trip (it will be just him and at first she would not allow him to go).



I am so mad because his dad is finally starting to step up and Sophie is quashing it again. I find what she does to be an asshole move and I don’t understand it. But again I don’t know her perspective or if this a normal boundary. She’s been rude to me and is mad that now my boyfriend and his sister don’t really want to include her anything. I’m just at a loss because I’m mad at her and his dad and it hurts me to see him hurt like this. He’s super close to his sister and it is hurting her so much that her dad doesn’t make an effort and she blames herself for her dad’s relationship issues. Any help is appreciated",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
mqgmgl,14/04/2021,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/mqgmgl/stepmom_turned_sour_the_last_6_years/,step child,"Me (23 and autistic) and my stepmother have had a okay relationship up until six years ago, she married my dad 22 years ago and we all kinda got along for the most part. But in the past six years or so things have been going downhill, she's emotionally tormented me, placed tbe scapegoat card on me, so everything's my fault. 



Four years ago she got a dog to which she refuses to train, she's let him attack me, bite me my my siblings, and refuses to do anything about it. He knocked me to the ground and bit my arm up pretty badly and she's used that against me for over a year now, telling me it never happened, or that I sat on his cookie to spite her, when I was picking up rocks in the garden, he's bitten three toddlers and she just blamed them. She tells me I'm tearing her relationship apart, that I'm the reason she wants to Kill herself, that me asking her to train her dog is the same as asking her to shoot him. 



In the past six years she's just went downhill and so has our relationship, I don't trust her anymore, I'm afraid of her. But my dad just says it's a woman thing, that she's just pmsing. 



I'm just afraid, I want to leave, but I'm afraid to aswell due to my disability, just dont know what to do right now.",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
kcn2s2,14/12/2020,7,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/kcn2s2/advice_for_closure/,step child,"Hey I'm brand new to this subreddit, I'm sorry if this a repeat



My stepmother is the devil, I ended up getting a restraining order on her. I don't want to get in to everything but this women was horrible and (before restraining order) I lived 8 years with her. I would always tell my dad the horrible things she did but he said I was either overreacting or I deserved it. I was very young so I believed him. Though by the time I was in High school I realized I didn't deserve it, and I got a legal document equivalent to a restraining order on this person. Because of this my dad dropped me immediately and I lived with my mom full time (Custody was split but since my mom is Bipolar I couldn't handle living with her full-time) about 1-1.5 years later, summer of senior year they broke up and my dad decided to come back into my life. I was just so happy she was gone and I missed my dad I just let him come back (also I needed break from my mother). Well after the surprise of my father coming back set in I was angry. I was angry about the step bitch, angry that it was so easy for him to cut me off. That I decided to have an adult conversation about it and he still refuses to admit the step mother was a bad person. That I need to ""get over"" my truma with her. That he knew it wasn't that bad and that she's gone and I need to let it go. But like I can't let it go until he admits she was a mistake or until he validates that she hurt me and he just can't. I don't really know what to do. I am a sophomore in college and I still can't get peace until he admits that she caused me so much hurt and pain but he won't. I have been with two different therapist and I have not yet come to peace.



I feel just so lost in what to do, I have a feeling there is no answer but I wanted to reach out in this subreddit to see if anyone had any advice of what to do.",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
jkhgsy,29/10/2020,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/jkhgsy/stepmom_hates_me_and_my_brothers_and_wants_us_gone/,step child,"My dad got married to this women 5 years ago and she started being passive aggressive about a year after they were married, just towards me. When they got married her sister (who is 40) and the sisters two daughters moved in, they don’t pay rent and have stolen a lot of money from my dad and grandma. My brothers and I constantly tell him to kick them out but he always says “i don’t want a divorce”. My step mom is constantly mean to him, tries to get him not to talk to my brothers and me, says things to make us feel bad, and talks bad about us behind our backs. She also tries to get my dad to spend more time with her daughters and her family while excluding us. When we tell my dad she is doing this and he sometimes confronts her, she plays the victim and acts like we are the ones excluding her and her family. They just bought a new house together and my dad paid for all of it. But both of their names are on it and they don’t have a prenup. I know he’s stupid for all of this, but I want him in my life because he’s the only parent i have. I don’t know what to do. I’m 21 and don’t live with them, but I still want a relationship with my dad and don’t want him to be taken advantage of.",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
g1ijjk,15/04/2020,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/g1ijjk/update_on_my_dad_and_gf_who_accused_me_of/,step child,"(I posted on here a while ago about my dad and his gf breaking up after she accused me of stealing her underwear, only for my dad to accuse me too and blame me for his loss of relationship, and we got into an arguement which resulted in me blocking him for a couple days then unblocking him)





He took the stupid bitch back....



I'm not even joking when I tell you, he literally went back to her THE NEXT FUCKING DAY!!!!!!



I'm hella pissed.



How I found out, you may ask? He didnt tell me, no. It was ASHLEY (my cousin who was with me at the time of the incident) 



After that day, Ashley went to our grandmother's house while I went home. I didnt mention this before, but my grandma's husband (I hate this man with a burning passion) owns a flooring tile company of some sort, and he was renovating Crazy's bathroom. 



Later that day, Ashley texted if I was okay and I said yeah, just upset, and we left it at that.



Next day, she fucking tells me my dumbass father went back to the psycho! How did she know this? My grandma's husband was there, still working at the house. Ashley told me it was his last day, but I have a feeling he is still working there. I hope her house floods.



So I'm pissed, but Ashley tells me to drop it. So I do, and I end up forgetting about it. A week goes by, and I'm curious so I ask Ashley if my dad really did get back with Crazy. She replies, ""Yes OP, they got back together""



I cried. I started crying at 3 am all bcuz my bitch ass father decided this woman who disrespected me was more important. 



I dont think my dad knows that I know. We haven't said anything to each other since then. Y'all, I EXPECTED THIS TO HAPPEN. But when Ashley confirmed it, I just broke down. I am so disappointed in my father. 



I don't know what to do. Should I confront him or wait for him to tell me?



I have her address, and I left my damn umbrella over there, and I've been debating whether to send him this.



""While you're over at Crazy's, can you take care of my umbrella and send it to (Grandma's house)?""



This feels like a small matter but I AM SO LOST ON WHAT TO DO!",Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
g1frrx,14/04/2020,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/g1frrx/stepmom_made_my_dad_pick_who_stays/,step child,My dad has been married to his wife for almost 7 years now and I’ve never had a good relationship with her nor have my 3 siblings. There have always been arguments between her and I and my dad always makes me apologize and take the blame for the whole argument even when she has done things wrong as well. I’m 23 now and before I left to go on a trip me and the stepmom were on good terms (so I thought) when I came back I was told I was not welcome at my dads house because of my precious actions and not asking about the stepmom while I was away. My stepmom told my dad if I come home she will leave. I hate that she put him in this situation so I moved in with another family member but it sucks vevauE when I want to hangout with him I’m not welcome at his house because of her. She gets upset when he even brings up my name and I’ve messaged her trying to figure out what the problems are so we can squash it all and my dad won’t have to be in the middle and she is so rude and said she wants nothing to do with me. I’m not sure what to do now. I feel bad going to my dad with this issue because I know he loves us both and I don’t want him to choose but she has made him.,Lack of involvement and indifferent parenting
145j3yv,09/06/2023,10,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/145j3yv/my_stepdad_makes_me_feel_really_on_edge_help/,step child,"Hes lovely, and i really quite like him but i know he has a lot of expectations of me.



I want to impress him so bad.



I get nervous when he comes home, hes a funny one but hes quite intense as well and its a bit chaotic. Im a quiet person, and an anxious one too. 



I prefer it at my bio dads house, because hes quiet like myself. 



I prefer doing assessments at my bio dads, because i can concentrate a lot better. But its something about my stepdads that makes me feel like something is always happening.



Im not sure what it is. Im so scared that hes mad at me. I know he cares about me but i cant stop thinking im doing something wrong.



Hes intense i suppose, he works fast and hes spontaneous but i can never meet up with that like i feel like i should.



I have Autism too. And i get really anxious around changes and unpredictability, and at his house that’s exactly what it is. 



I never feel completely relaxed, and i feel really guilty about it.



I have issues with sound too. Im sensitive to it, and i need headphones but he doesnt like them. And so i cant use them at dinnertables - and i suppose fair enough, it looks rude to people but i wish it wasn’t because it really helps.



And he doesn’t like it when i use things that bring me comfort which to him look silly or childish. Like my plushies which i genuinely really care deeply for, and using fidget tools, or acting in a way people deem “odd”. He doesnt like me acting strange.



I get nervous admitting im struggling around him. If i ever break down again or am genuinely distressed, struggling mental health wise - im terrified hell find out. Because i know what he thinks of it. He thinks i dont much need the help, with regards to medical treatment. Or that some things i am afflicted with arent real. And, fuck man. It hurts.



And thinking about it, i worry if what he says is true- and it all is just in my head, and i need to grow up. 



I worry that im incredibly immature and childish and just making up an excuse, i dont really need those things and i should grow out of it or im doomed. I should change myself.



But he genuinely struggles with mental health too, i know that for sure. Really, really struggles. I dont know what exactly happened during his life aside from little snippits, and of course its a very private matter so i wont want to discuss that - but all i can say is that, hes been through really heavy, traumatic things no person should ever have to experience.



Hes a complicated guy. Hes a bit all over the place, i love him and we have great chats but man do i get nervous around him. I want to make him proud, i really really do. But it takes me longer. Its hard to meet those standards.



Any advice for how i can feel a little more, 

loose i suppose? Less anxious about going to my stepdads?","Mental Health struggles, Substance Use Issues"
zmm8gu,15/12/2022,8,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/zmm8gu/done_with_conflict_between_mom_and_stepdad/,step child,"My (15f) stepdad has been living with me, my mom, and my sister for about two years. In that time, there have been a lot of good times but also a lot of drama. My mom resents my stepdad because he doesn't work or drive (due to past DUIs), my stepdad resents me because he thinks i'm selfish and spoiled (I tend to tear up when frustrated unfortunately), and my stepdad resents my mom because he believes her to be an alcoholic among other things. These issues have escalated recently, including two recent fights that at least flirted with breaking the law. A few weeks ago, my stepdad, (keep in mind, he has lost his license due to multiple DUIs), told my mom that I would never drive because he thinks me to be a ""headcase"". My mom told me about this, after which I got in an argument with him wherein he mocked my voice and went on and on about my apparently numerous character flaws. He also told me that he would never trust my mother again and that me crying because of his barrage of insults proved his point that I am crazy. A few weeks later, they had what would be their first brush with physicality. I woke up at 2 in the morning to my stepdad shouting about how much he ""despises"" my mom. The next morning my mom told me it got somewhat physical in the form of a push. I was under the impression they had broken up; but instead they decided to ""make changes"". Since then nothing has changed. This week, they got into a major fight over my mom drinking, which led to my stepdad making disparaging comments about my mom's age and body. She (I'm told) ripped off the necklace he gave her and although she won't tell me specifics lashed out at him physically. After this she officially broke up with him. I was sent a text by her to block my stepdad due to threats by him to text me a message that would make me ""lose all respect for her"".  I did so, as my dad said he'd be checking and if I disobeyed and he texted me he would call the police. My mom told me we were going to live with my grandparents for a while. I was ready to start over and not deal with this situation. A few days later they were back together, apparently. My mom sent me a bullshit text about how they'll get therapy (they won't, they always say that), he'll get a job (he never does) , and they'll stop fighting (they will not). I'm honestly so done with all this. I try to be compassionate and gracious but I have to be honest, it gets a bit grating. I know my mom is an adult and I have no right to this decision but the screaming does legitimately affect my sleep and the constant disparaging remarks from my stepdad can hurt. I have tried to offer my mom gentle advice on the state of this relationship and its abusive tendencies but she elects not to listen. My stepdad tells me I need to live in my home state and ""carry his and my mom's caskets"" or I ""hate them"" but with all this I find myself wishing I was far away. I'm tired of living in chaos ngl. IDK rant over<U+0001F613>thanks for listening, advice welcomed.","Mental Health struggles, Substance Use Issues"
mmkgi6,08/04/2021,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/mmkgi6/really_need_to_vent_about_all_of_this/,step child,"I already know I have it loads better than most people here, but even with that I can’t help feeling like this. For context, my parents divorced 4ish years ago, though I’ve kinda lost count considering I was young enough to forget the year it was. I also have a sister. My dad got a girlfriend shortly after the divorce, and my mom has only had one boyfriend since. My dads girlfriend was in my dads apartment when I got there one week, and she hasn’t left since. They’re getting married within a month.



Over the years, I’ve naturally gravitated more towards my mom. And this is one of my issues. I don’t know if I’m just telling myself I like her house more, or if I really do. She’s vented to me and my sister over the years about my dad not paying child support, or my stepmom being controlling, etc. And I’m wondering if since I just trust my mom, if maybe I just believe that with no evidence. On the other hand though, I can recount tons of times that my stepmom has been just an overall douchebag to my sister and I. Not to mention that she also drives us to and from my dads house, which kinda forces us to respect her. Worse, she has (on multiple occasions) told us “I do so much for you guys”. And it’s pretty damn clear that it’s manipulation. But still, I feel like maybe my mom has just slandered them. But then again, one of the things my mom has vented to us about quite frequently these past years is how manipulative my stepmom is. I’m just conflicted in my mind on who to trust. Typically my stepmom and dad are really kind when I’m there, but sometimes it’s been downright brutal. Right now, I hate my stepmom, and I’m kinda neutral with my dad. And I love my mom right now. Reason being, I feel fine, if not just completely happy at my moms. But at my dads, I want to isolate myself from everyone, and I’m always anxious to some degree. Either that, or I’m looking to get away from everyone and into a different room.



And more into that manipulation, my stepmom recently has moved into doing this thing where she tells me that “she just knows I’m going to do something great when I’m grown up”. While she also is making me constantly anxious that she’s mad at me. 



And although I feel pretty grounded on who I trust in the moment, I still feel conflicted on who’s the bad guy in this situation. And because of that, I’m at a point where I cannot wait to move out. I know I would be infinitely happier if I could just move to the other side of the country, and break contact with everyone. Even the people I like right now, I just don’t want to bring any of my childhood into the rest of my life. 



Lastly, how I feel. It’s another reason why I want to move away from it all, mentally and physically. I feel empty. No sadness, no happiness. There are things that make me happy, sure, but my overall mood as a person is just emptiness. I don’t even feel like I truly love anyone anymore. I know I said I love my mom, but to be honest it’s more of just a liking. I felt really passionate about getting a girlfriend a few months back. Fuck that. It could just be the quarantine and all that, but I’m at a point where It’s not that I don’t care for relationships, I fully don’t want it. I want to be alone with a dog or something. 



I just hate everything going on. Conflict within myself, conflict with the divorce, all of this conflict. Once again, I just want to get away from it all. Unfortunately though, I have probably about at least 5 years left before I can make any decision on what I’m going to do about it all. And I’m honestly quite worried about my mental health. I feel disconnected from reality sometimes, and I’m worried that one day I might decide it’s just too much and off myself.



I know this is all kind of jumbled, but sometimes just vomiting a hot mess of words on to strangers on the internet is nice.","Mental Health struggles, Substance Use Issues"
m1h1wh,09/03/2021,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/m1h1wh/coping_with_parents_arguing/,step child,"So my parents split up when I was 2, and I was basically brought up by my mum and seen my dad bi weekly (all good there). However, they always had a good relationship and my mum didn’t date anyone until my step dad when I was around 14/15, when they got married and moved in together I was only around for a few months before I moved out for uni.



Now 6 years later, I’m back home due to the pandemic and it’s horrible listening to my mum and step dad argue. He speaks to her so horribly sometimes and a part of me knows this is just a part of marriage but the arguing honestly gives me so much anxiety, to the point where I think every argument is going to lead to divorce. Does anyone else experience this? Growing up with no experience of parents arguing and not knowing how to deal with it.","Mental Health struggles, Substance Use Issues"
sq2g6o,11/02/2022,10,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/sq2g6o/my_stepdad_tends_to_say_stuff_that_really_upsets/,step child,"Sorry if this doesn’t make much sense but it is late and I didn’t probably proof read this



My (f16) step-dad (m41) is not a very emotional and sympathetic(?) person.  It’s been a very hard year for me for multiple reasons and my mental health has been very bad. (For reasons I don’t wanna mention in this post). I’ll admit this could have made me a bit more sensitive(? Idk if that’s the right word). However the stuff he sometimes says have bothered me for years, even before he married my mum (f38) . The things he says usually are along the same line with me saying something that they (the three adults in the house) were doing then I get yelled at cause I apparently do the same thing. For example this happened a few days ago:



It was about 11pm and the adults were being really loud, so I walk out of my room to see if it’s just chatting or arguing ect because I’m curious.  I stood in the hallway for a few seconds then my mum asked me if I needed anything, I said something along the lines of “nothing, you guys are being loud tho” as just a comment.  This may of been unnecessary to say but I was tired and wasn’t really thinking. 



After I say this my step-dad just laughs and says “your loud too, whenever you speak” (I will say I do have a loud voice in general but I know how to keep my voice quiet when it late) and then his brother (m40)(the 3rd adult in the house)  said something similar with saying I’m loud and all that.  



I tried to say that’s not what I was meaning and I only said it to bring attention to it / to let them know cause it was late. My step-dads response was that I go around slamming doors and cupboards late at night so I can’t talk. ( I don’t and if doors slam at night it’s usually cause it wasn’t closed and the wind slams them shut) 



He started pretending to mimic like I was a whiny 2 year old and started saying things like “aww, let’s just slam doors when people are sleeping” and stuff like that and I said” that’s not fair, we were talking about speaking, nothing to do with unintentional noises(? Idk if that’s the right words for it)” 



He started saying something back in a patronising voice along the lines of “really, I think it is” I don’t remember exactly cause my mum started telling me to walk away. I probably shouldn’t of, but I said tried to argue back with my step-dad, then mum told me to walk away again so I did.



I went into the bathroom cause I was about to have a shower before the argument and I started to cry because this stuff/ arguments are not uncommon and I always get treated like I’m being ganged up on by 2-3 adults.



He’s not usually a bad person but I’m getting sick of feeling like it’s me against multiple adults","Mental Health struggles, Substance Use Issues"
128um9v,01/04/2023,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/128um9v/im_getting_a_stepmother_in_a_couple_of_hours/,step child,"My (19F) parents divorced ten years ago because my mom was abusive. Since then, it has been me and my dad against the world. She has tried to reconnect this past year, but things didn't work out. I have autism and, due to the abuse, developed other mental illnesses. It turns out my dad has been seeing someone since three years ago, a former coworker who I don't know. They planned to get married and decided to do so today. Due to my poor mental health, my dad decided not to tell me until the last minute. She will move in with us, but my condition makes changes challenging, specially sudden ones. Does anyone have any tips on how to cope?","Mental Health struggles, Substance Use Issues"
w8ib5i,26/07/2022,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/w8ib5i/should_i_apologize/,step child,"I tried having my brother (16yo) come to my bday dinner with my grandparents. My step mom and dad came up with some excuse for why my brother wouldn’t be able to go. This happens 90% of the time I try and take him places. So I finally had it and I kept questioning why they couldn’t find someone else to do what they needed him for. This question upset my step mom and it turned into a back and forth argument over text. She finally ended up calling me to give me a lecture about respect and what not but also continued to call me a selfish smart Ass. I called her and my dad narcissists (I’ve done my research and even a therapist said that their behavior is definitely narcissistic). After I called her that she hung up and texted me saying she’ll call the cops if I go near their house and also said I can’t see my brother until he’s 18. (2yrs from now). They threatened to take away his phone if they saw him contacting me. 

Just last night my brother text me saying that I would have to apologize for everything I did wrong to them in order to fix things. And said it’s my decision. 

I need advice. 

I don’t wanna apologize for something I was just asking a question for but I do wanna see my brother. 

They are narcissists and they do this stuff all the time and I end up apologizing every time. 

Can I take any legal action ?","Mental Health struggles, Substance Use Issues"
115tpgd,18/02/2023,13,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/115tpgd/i_dont_know_how_to_adjust_to_my_stepmom_and_new/,step child,"So hello everyone, sorry if my post is formatted weird its the first post ive ever made. So for some background I am (15 male), I have divorced parents my Dad (43 male), and my Mom (45 female). You see we used to rent out an old home near our property to people, and about a year ago this woman named Kiki (46 female) and her daughters Natalie (16 female), Payton (15 female), and Marsha (14 female) moved in and had been living there for a few months before my parents told me they were getting divorced. It turns out my Dad found out my Mom had been having an affair with Kiki for months. The divorce really messed with my mental health, on top of that my Dad moved a few hours away so now I only get to see him every other week. My mom moved Kiki and her daughters in with us and now my Mom and Kiki have gotten married and now I feel so lost and confused. Kiki and my Mom have apologized to me numerous times for how the divorce happened and my Mom even tried explaining that she and my Dad had been having problems for years and she knows she should have left him before starting any relationship but that her affair never had anything to do with me.Now my Mom has started spending time with my stepsisters and they have wanted to spend time with me because, according to them, Im ""their brother now"". Kiki has tried to spend time with me by doing things I enjoy with me and taking on a motherly role but I still find myself getting angry at her for being my mom's mistress. I feel like Im getting angry over something that, while bad, was going to happen sooner or later and it makes me feel stupid for being mad. I guess I just don't know how to adjust to all of this, especially having a new stepmom and stepsisters. Can anyone here help me?","Mental Health struggles, Substance Use Issues"
is6bpj,13/09/2020,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/is6bpj/after_7_years_of_nothing/,step child,"This is my first time actually posting on reddit, so excuse me if I mess something up.

I’m 17, starting my first year of college online and at home bc of the pandemic. I’ve known my stepmom for 7 or 8 years, and I can count the number of times she’s directly spoken to me on my hands. That’s not from lack of seeing her, either; I’ve spent the majority of the past 7 years going to her and my Dad’s house at least once a week. And yet she’s made no effort to be in any way involved in my life, and so I haven’t made a point to get involved in hers. I’ve always been a bit uncomfortable at my Dad’s house because I didn’t want to have to deal with the awkwardness around her — and this is made worse by the fact that, with the pandemic, I have no idea when I’ll finally be away from that house.

Over the summer, my Dad has mentioned to me a couple times that my stepmom has been really upset that I call her by her first name — she’s Chinese, and apparently it’s offensive for me to call her that, even though that’s what I’ve been told to call her since we first met. My Dad mentioned a couple of alternatives she might be fine with, and I said I’d be fine, too. My stepmom never came to me herself to talk to me about it.

Some time later, three weeks ago just when college was starting up, my Dad tells me that none of those alternatives will work for her — she wants me to call her what I think he said was just the Chinese equivalent to Mom, which sounds like Mama. Now I have a problem with it. I find it embarrassing enough for me to call my own mom ‘Mommy’ or ‘Mama’ when I haven’t called her that since elementary school; if I wouldn’t call my own mom that, why would I call the woman who has been nothing but a stranger to me that either? I didn’t tell my Dad all this, but I did tell him I would be uncomfortable calling her Mama, and he understood.

I thought the issue with my stepmom would stop there. But, later that night, to my surprise, my stepbrother came rushing into my room; he had been out on a walk with my stepmom, and ran ahead so he could talk to me in secret. My stepmom had apparently gotten really upset about me in front of him, even smashed something. He told me three things: about my stepmom being upset over me calling her by her name, about her feeling like I was purposely ignoring her (I wasn’t; in fact, I had made an effort to start saying hello to her every time I saw her, and she rarely answered back. I was shocked to hear her accusing me of the same thing), and about her feeling like I treated the house like a hotel (free towels, free food, he said).

Suddenly I felt like everything was spinning out of control. I stewed over it for a few hours, then told my Dad I wanted to go back to my Mom’s house. We talked about it for a while; I told him everything my stepbrother had said, and he told me a lot of that probably had to do with my stepmom being angry at my Dad; complaining about me was just the easiest way to get at him. Still, I didn’t want to be anywhere near the whole issue, especially not while dealing with the stress of starting college; he drove me back to my Mom’s house, where I’ve stayed for the past few weeks. I’ve only seen my Dad a few times when we had dinner together; I still wanted to see him, even if I was having problems with my stepmom.

My birthday is coming up soon, and to celebrate my Dad asked me to have dinner with him, my stepmom, and the rest of the family tonight. Because of that, all this drama has been brought back to the front of my mind.

For the reasons I’ve mentioned and a couple others, I honestly can’t ever see myself being anything more than civil with my stepmom. And as long as there’s this awkwardness between us, I don’t feel really comfortable being at my Dad’s house, although I miss seeing my stepbrother. This whole situation is just really messy and complicated, and dealing with the fact that I’m stuck with online college for the rest of the semester, if not longer, just makes everything worse. I’ve looked around online for resources and advice, but this subreddit is the only thing I’ve found.","Mental Health struggles, Substance Use Issues"
l39ed8,23/01/2021,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/l39ed8/im_glad_my_stepdad_died/,step child,So my mom got with this guy when i was like 3 or 4. So the first couple of years of me knowing him it was great. Then they got married and the way he treated me went down hill. He would call me ugly everyday from when i was like 5 or 6 till i was 11 when he died. He would also claim my older sister has his kid and me as his stepdaughter in front of his friends. But in front of my mom he said i was like his daughter. He would also flick me in the back of the head but never my sister. And when my little sister was born he would never let my mom punish her for anything but if i even dropped a food on the floor i was thrown in the cold shower and spanked. Then he RIPPED my bedroom door off the hinges because my room was a tiny bit messy. I was like 8 like tell the 8 year old to clean their room before take their door. He also sold drugs and did drugs in the house in front of me. Thats how he died is from drugs. But my mom won't admit thats how he died and still sees nothing wrong with the way he treated me. Hell for years after he died i thought he was some great guy because of how everyone talked about him but now almost 6 years later i realize how bad he was. He treated me like this just because i look like my dad but its not m fault. Like don't come into a kids life if your gonna treat them bad. No i have no self-esteem at all because of him. His and my mom's excuse for this treatment was that he was trying to get a reaction out of me. But for YEARS i gave them a reaction but it never stopped so i got used to it and stopped reacting. So now my mental health is all messed up thanks to him so glad i never have to see him again.,"Mental Health struggles, Substance Use Issues"
jzvok4,24/11/2020,23,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/jzvok4/should_i_tell_my_stepbrother_eventually_that_his/,step child,"Maybe it’s none of my business.... for context he already has a rocky relationship with her because she’s not a good person. She verbally abuses and mocks him all the time. I guess I just want everyone to know how awful of a person she is. To my knowledge he does not know this detail about her yet. Would that be inappropriate? She’s sure as hell never gonna tell him herself, and neither will my dad.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
10jiy7n,23/01/2023,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/10jiy7n/my_stepdad_is_terrible/,step child,"My (23F) stepdad (45M) is a manipulative, abusive, alcoholic man. He is seriously just everything wrong about a man from the way he treats me and my brothers (one is his son) and my mother. I want to show him how petty and childish I truly can be. Craigslist ads cost money, I can’t figure out 4chan. What more can I do to have people just annoy the hell out of him.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
m1kor9,10/03/2021,9,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/m1kor9/physical_and_mental_abuse_by_step_parent/,step child,"This post will be long but somewhat brief as well.I'm currently 29M living a great life with my wife, our brand new house and our first born on the way (a boy). To better understand my situation I will try to make it detailed and brief. I have recently started going back to therapy to get help and closure of my childhood. I did this to not only make me a happier person but to be a great father to my son. I don't want to make the same mistakes my father did.At the age of 3 my parents had divorced and my father remarried who is currently still my step mom. My entire life I've always lived with my father and step mom and would visit my mother on weekends. At 15 I moved out of my fathers house and into my mothers house due to physical and mental abuse from my father but mostly step mother. In addition my father was addicted to opioids and almost overdosed multiple times right in front of me.I think I was in denial my entire life thinking it was normal the way I was being treated and looking back I was always picked on by step mom however my father was never really there to help me or step in as a parent. He would ignore any situation when I was being abused (he was a statue with no emotion). My step mom would humiliate me, belittle me by talking down to me, physically abuse/punish me with what appeared to be a cricket paddle and isolated me from my father and mother. Ever since I moved out my relationship with them has never been the same and if anything has got so much worse and awkward. My father refused to attend my wedding because of my step mom... this one really hurt because it was the day my wife and I are expecting and he was going to be a grandfather. We both work for the same company and I see him almost daily and he acts as if nothing happened same with my step mom. I haven't received an apology or a reason why and at this point I feel like that was the last straw. I want to confront them about everything but apart me of also doesn't want to.After a few therapy sessions my therapist came to the conclusion that my step mom was jealous. She wanted my dad to herself. She did anything she could to keep me away from my dad and mom so she  could keep him in control. Because of my childhood I suffer from depression and anxiety. In addition my therapist gave me some helpful mental exercise techniques to try and overcome my depression and anxiety but I also wanted to reach out to anyone that can relate and maybe give me some techniques of their own that helped them during dark times.I wish I could post more in detail but I don't want to over due it with an entire novel here so if anyone has any questions I will be more than happy to answer them. I just wanted to reach out for any assistance to overcome these feelings.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
12tc6yv,20/04/2023,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/12tc6yv/my_mom_treats_me_differently_and_now_its/,step child,"I don't know where to go for advice. My mom and (step)dad got married when I (22) was \~9 years old. He's been in my life since I was 7, and he's my main father figure. He has always treated me like his own daughter and I'm so incredibly grateful for him. My mom, though, has always made side remarks growing up, such as, ""go with your dad."" ""You need to spend time with your dad"" and etc, even though my bio father wanted nothing to do with me. It created a lot of cognitive dissonance because I viewed my stepdad as my dad, but knew I had a ""real"" dad and felt obligated to go with my ""real"" dad. 



  

Fast forward to now, I have two amazing little siblings, 13F and 9M, and I try my best to be there for them despite our age gap. My mom has made a lot of comments more recently, saying things like, ""You're more of an only child, not the eldest."" ""It's different because you're not full-blooded"" etc. She hasn't said this in front of my stepdad, but she says this in front of my siblings and my fear has caught on. Yesterday my sister basically said, ""look at your half-brother."" and I replied, ""don't say half."" and she said, ""what? It's true."" Then she tried carrying on the conversation, so I said, ""Why are you still talking? Since, you're my half-sister, I only have to HALF talk to you."" and my mom laughed. I just walked away, but I can't shake off this pain. I know we are half-blood siblings, but I didn't think it mattered.. It just hurts.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
vfyrzh,19/06/2022,6,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/vfyrzh/my_mum_is_forcing_me_to_form_a_friendship_with_my/,step child,"Before I get into this I just want to say, number 1 I'm diagnosed autistic, so a lot of my growing up was very confusing for me, number 2, my stepdad isn't a bad guy, he isn't abusive in the slightest and he seems to be pretty chill, but me and him have a weird history, and I feel uncomfortable around him.



My mum got divorced around 2016, when it all went down she left me alone in the house with my abusive father, my brother was at uni at that point and I barely saw him, I had nobody to help me apart from rando's on the internet who mostly lived in America, and I'd stay up at seriously unfair times most nights just to play online games with them, looking back now I see it as a huge mistake as a number of these ""friends"" turned out to be seriously concerning individuals. I didn't have any friends at school and not many people liked me for being weird, so they were the only people I had to lean on. Anyway my mum didn't even try to take me with her, she gave me a choice between living with her and her new husband, or living with my dad who wanted to control my life. I saw her being the best option but the choice was seriously difficult to make as an autistic 15 year old. Once I decided on going to my ""stepdads"" house, I didn't really have much help carrying all my belongings miles to the house, she also made it very clear that this isn't my home, and kept guilt tripping me on the fact that I'd just ""dropped into"" this guy's life. She constantly tells me that he's not a very social person and I should tread carefully because most of my humour and the weird ways I act would most likely scare him away. She's been doing this for a long time, making choices for the guy, he usually doesn't have much to say when I ask him about how he feels on certain topics, he usually just says ""Fine"" and leaves it at that, not much else. She, on the other hand, has to kick up a massive fuss and tells me that I'm ""hurting him"" or that I'm ""bothering him"" or being a ""pest"". She's also made sure I don't be myself otherwise he might be disappointed in me, she also tells me not to swear around him, but he goes and says the most heinous curses himself, then I'm wondering why I even bothered listening to her when she's making such a big deal about something he's allowed to do. She also forces me to engage in his activities, forces me to make conversation with him, and I'm genuinely serious when I tell you I have tried for years and years, but all I get back is nothing, anytime I do get something back in return it's always her forcing him back. He doesn't make a single effort to care about my interests or ask me on my opinion of anything, I don't even think he knows me properly, but then again neither does she. She doesn't ask me about my interests, work, or hobbies, in the past I've had to fish-hook questions out of her just to feel like she's interested, even if I try to tell her about anything about myself she treats me like a headache, it's really upsetting to hear.



I recently got into a really positive relationship with a girl I love to pieces, around 6 months ago, I really feel like I've met the one. I've never actually had ANY friends over since I moved in with those 2, and then all of a sudden when I ask if she can stay over, it's suddenly an issue. When I brought this up to her, I told her ""I dislike feeling like a guest in my own house"", she tells me ""Well you kind of are"", I felt really hurt by this, I haven't really felt like I've had a home since 12, nowhere feels comfortable for me to be myself and drop the suffocating ""normal"" mask to please her new husband, even though again he doesn't care how I act. Anyway, I mention my girlfriend because when she gets picked up by my mum, my mum goes on long depressing political rants, true crime related topics, and rants related to transphobia, all of which I get really tired of hearing, if I'm supposed to limit myself around her husband, why can't she limit herself around my girlfriend, who by the way has mentioned she's uncomfortable with the things she's said. My girlfriend doesn't feel welcome.



The reason I don't tell her any of this is because 99% of the time it leads to an argument that almost never gets resolved, and I'm always the one who has to admit that I'm in the wrong, even though I feel like I have a pretty valid standpoint and a reason to be upset. She belittles me like I'm a child, she only argues with me whenever he isn't in the same room or even in the house, it's almost like she's trying to paint the perfect child-parent relationship for him, even though nothing is perfect and I'm suffocating on the fakery. He never gets involved in any of this, in fact he barely has any opinions regarding anything involving me and my mother, he just sits there and does nothing. I'm an artist, and I've made a number of clothing items as a way of expressing myself, I don't know how to sew but I made some patches for my jeans, I asked her to please help me and she said she wouldn't do it, she deemed a few of the patches ""too offensive"" because they were anarchy related. Her excuse for this is because ""it could upset him and make him think you don't like authority"". She's done this recently too, she waited a week to pick me up from university and then when they both come down to help me move out she spends the entire time guilt-tripping me for asking for help, and constantly telling me he's worried because last time he picked me up he got a fine for parking in a bus lane, even though I didn't tell him where to park. She actively goes out of her way to make me feel like a burden and at fault for numerous things in her relationship and her previous relationship. For example I remember at a young age telling her I was sorry if staying in contact with my dad out of confusion made things awkward for her, and all she had to say was ""Yeah it kinda did"". Since then I've ultimately been thinking that the divorce was my fault. I usually just stay out of the way when I come home, usually in my room, on my computer, doing work or talking to friends so no change there. I used to play console games for an hour or two to relieve stress back when dad was around, I haven't even used my stepdad's TV because she's made me feel guilty about it when I've tried once years before. I barely use any of the other rooms in this house, apart from maybe the bathroom, but I even try to shower when they're out of the way, a really unhealthy way of keeping myself from upsetting anyone, I'm aware, but I can't drag myself to use anything they have otherwise I get guilt-tripped again and again.



I'm starting to slip back into my depressing ways and self defeating thoughts again, my mind constantly telling me I've basically lost my entire family, none of them talk to me or even show any interest in what I'm doing or how I'm doing, no matter how much effort I make to connect with them. I'm generally starting to feel numb about anything now, it's a sad comparison towards my childhood self being so empathetic and happy, I'm usually just drained and hard to be around. I don't mean to be and I try so hard to be positive, but after your father leaves you, and your mother lies to you then chooses to favour a guy in his 60s who treats and looks at you like a ""delinquent"" in your own home, there just comes a serious breaking point where you just lash out in private and become really angry at everything. Not to mention this guy is like a well-known teacher, he even scolded me falsely back in elementary for supposedly talking during an assembly, plus never really liked me very much during that time. He was well-liked by a number of my peers though, so when they got together a lot of rumours and bullying followed.



I don't really know what I'm looking for here. It's father's day and she's expecting me to give him a card, but after everything that's happened, the thought of doing it is making me feel sick, I've never really had a father figure, neither my dad or this guy hit close, they're both strangers to me at this point. I can't help but feel lost. Without family who are we?","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
vbhkzf,13/06/2022,13,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/vbhkzf/my_evil_manipulative_stepdad_eric/,step child,"Hello Reddit, this story refrences suicidal thoughts and depression and has innapropriate language. If you are not confortable reading these things, I ask that you do not read this. 



        Over the past couple years I have been dealing with my piece of shit stepfather Eric. To being with, I just turned fourteen years old. Now at first, this may sound like the run of the mill basic teenager who hates his parents because how dare they discipline them. However, this is not the case.



        It all started in 2017 when my dad broke up with my mom. Without getting into much detail, he treated her like crap and then dumped her accusing her of cheating. Somewhere between 2017-2018 my mom met my step-dad and they began dating. At first he was extremely nice. However, he seems to follow the boiled frog syndrome very closely. If you havn't heard of the boiling frog syndrome, it can be explained very simply. If you place a frog in boiling hot water, it will jumping out because it knows if it doesn't it will die. However, if you put a frog in regular water and very slowly increase the temperature, the frog will be boiled alive due to not realizing that a situation has become problematic, due to it being a slow gradual process. Over time he treated more like shit.



        Due to my mom and dad having legal documents stating that they are the only ones allowed to lay a hand on us, he can not beat us. So, his idea of ""spanking us"" is to call us every name under the sun. We have been called bitches assholes cunts shithead fucker fucking piece of shit asshole motherfucking bitch cocksucker (because I am gay) etc. Not only that, but he makes a problem out of EVERYTHING. He not only does all of this, but then of course manipulates everyone to think this is ok. Originally, my mom (who is like the nicest person you will ever meet) defended us on many issues. One ""Big problem"" in Eric's eyes was my brother. Our school was doing a school fundraiser in which they sold candy canes for money. Well, my mom bought candy canes to five to the school to sell. My brother than used his money to buy some of those candy canes. Eric got pissed saying that hes a selfish prick because those are for the school and he can't buy his own. My mom of course defended us on this because that argument made no sense. So, because our mom kept defending us, he decided to take a slower approach. 



        At one point a couple years ago I was depressed and called national suicide prevention line. I was goung to kill myself before trying to get Eric removed because I did not want my mom to become sad ovee losing him. I was then put in therapy due to severe bullying at school, and issues between my dad and step dad. The first therapist was crazy and his idea of therapy was to try and hypnotize me. So my mom removed me from that therapy due to it not helping and the guy being crazy. My next therapist taught me how to make these origami paper claws. I had the option to have Erix removed from the house but did not because I didn't want my mom to be sad. These were super cool to me and really helped. Well, Eric decided that I needed to throw them away and not tell my mom.



        Over time he began getting pissed at the smallest of things and mentally destroying us and manipulating us and due to his gradual increase in bullshit, my mom did not notice. She is the frog in the boiled frog syndrome. The next big incident revolved around my shoe. It was time for school. He asked if we were ready and I said I needed five seconds to tie my shoe. To this he slammed the upstairs door and started screaming upstairs. He comes downstairs screaming at me why I was not ready. I explained to him that i needed 5 seconds. The worst part was that we didn't leave until ten minutes later. We were not in a rush at all, he just decided he wanted to start a problem. So later at school I went off through text message because I was tired of dealing with the crap all day every day. Well, my dad picked me up that day so I had a couple days away from them. Well when I get picked up by my mom it was this long talk about how Im such a horrible kid.



        The next incident was about a year ago, maybe less. My mom and my brother began excersising, which I hated doing but wanted to build some muscle due to me bring skinny as a twig. Well my stepdad continued to talk shit and say I was doing everything wrong. I then asked him not to tell me how horrible Im doing because it demotivates me. He then starts fucking screaming saying he needs to take a break from me because Im such a shithead. My mom is in full tears because he was mad that she defended me. I then started mocking him by rubbing my eye against my face pretending to cry. He then ran over screaming picked me up and threw me full force into the couch. Keep in mind this is against the court orders. Then he says that thats unacceptable blah blah. I explained that my gut instinct to someone hurting my mom was to either hurt them or piss them off because if you hurt my mom you are fucking dead to me. 



        Well this then led to what I call Eric's interrogations. Eric's interrogations is when Eric decides he wants to sit there and sit there and ask us questions for hours on end, if we don't answer the way he likes he says we are lying until we agree with him, or he twists our words. Or, if we answer normally he would also use that against us. He then tells our mom these horrible things we said. So he sits me down and starts the conversation by asking how I expect my entire life to go because of the fact that ""I am a knowitall."" At this point Im a couple months from graduating middle school. So he asks how I expect highschool to go. This was simply the wrong time to ask. A week earlier I was about to ask a guy out, to which his brother said if I went anywhere near the guy that he would beat my ass. This put me in a state where I blamed myself for something that was not my fault, which Im notorious for doing to myself. I was still very upset about this so all I saw in the future was me getting rejected for my personality. So I break into tears because all I begin thinking about is how horrible I am. To which he believes that Im just trying to get out of the interrogation. Eventually he decides that he is going to force whatever is wrong with me out. He knows that the only thing that always results in me breaking is my mom because we are really close. So he decides thag hes going to have her stay up all night and refuse to let me sleep until I break. He even said that she will be tired out work and could get in teouble for being tired all because I wouldnt speak. So about 2 hours later of silence he finally gives up.



        After that it was an incident shortly after halloween. I LOVE the big tootsie roll candies. I got three, and he ate one. I was upset but was like ""Yaknow, it is fine because he and my mom took me trick-or-treating, and it is only right he has some candy. So I simply asked him to pick other candies nicely. He agreed and it looked like there would be no problem. Well. I soon after destroyed my brother's kindle with water. I was supposed to save my money and spent 5 dollars that I should not have. At this point I was in the wrong. Thr monry in my credit card was then all spent on the kindle so I had no money. However, he decided that he would bully me. He called me downstairs to tell me what a piece of shit I am and then reached into my candy basket pulled out a big tootsie roll and ate it in front of me. He then looked at me and said ""Oh don't worry, you can buy lots of tootsie rolls at the dollar store. Oh wait, you have no money,"" as he laughed hysterically.

        So if it was not obvious he is a manipulative person who says hotrible things about people that are not true. As mentioned earlier my mom is the nicest person ever. She buys us anything we want even when money is tight. She puts everyone else before herself. Well one time Eric was asleep and she ordered him food. I do not remember the story entirely but from what I do remember Eric didn't eat it for some reason or another. So next time he was asleep and she ordered food, she did not get him any, expecting him to stay asleep anyway. Well he woke up, came downstairs and told my mom that she only cared about herself because she did not get him food. Not only all of this, but he is extremely racist. He is white and constantly racially slurs Mexicans and African Americans. While watching the movie the Princess and the Frog he said  that it is impossible for all of the black people in the household to be good people. He is one of those. So me and my mom constantly say he is racist and he constantly gets pissed because he legitamately believes it is not racist to racially slur people. On top of all of this, he constantly threatens to throw me and my brothers out of the second story window. He also has threatened to shoot and kill my dad and my dog several times. He then tries to explain to us that if he ever curses atbus that it means we went to far and that's his way of spanking us. Well, this is obviously not true because one morning, he asked us a simple question. We answered honestly but he did not like that answer so he screamed at us for being shitheads.



        So, I have been able to deal with this for several years. However Eric decided that he was going to make his biggest move yet, he decised he wanted control of the smallest aspects of my life. It is the last month of winter. I had my jacket in my backpack because I was not cold in the mornings. Eric came downstairs and asked me where my jacket was. I told him it was in my backpack and he demanded I put it on. He kept doing this to the point where it was causing me uncomfort in the mornings because I was getting hot and sweaty. I began arguing with him that it made no sense. This led to horrible things being said to me. This went on for about a month. I wrote a 4 page letter to my mom finally addressing this saying that he needs to change his parenting or be removed from the household. If this did not occur, I would call CPS. She got mad at me saying that it's not him it is me being a bad kid. My step dad then manipulated her into thinking I want to have me and my brothers seperated. They then manipulated my younger brothers with this information. However, I got video of Eric being racist and him manipulating my mom. However, whenever my mom went through my phone she deleted those videos. Then one day I decided I wouldn't wear the jacket. He then said my brothers will not get to school on time because they won't leave until I put my jacket on. So I begrudgingly did. I took it off once arriving at school, and he screams that I am going to be in trouble when I get home. So he texts my mom about how horrible I am. This is not good for her because she is a police dispatcher and being stressed because he keeps texting her is really bad. So she comes home screaming at me about how if I just listened it would not be a problem. This is not the case though because he texts her about us about the smallest of things.



        I finally get to contact CPS and they could only tell her what could happen if she let Erix stay in the house, and they couldn't do anything without going to court. My mom and stepdad get pissed they talk shit on me all day every day etc. I obviously vent to friends but this increasing stress between schoolwork and this family drama is making the venting less successful. Currently nothing can be done fast enough.



        Whenever my step dad is mad he goes into this phase where he acts super nice and gives us gifts and crap to manipulate us into thinking he actually cares for us. It is a legitimate tactic used by manipulative people. Well, because I called CPS, The Magic Mountain trip my mom was planning to takr me on for years that was finally planned was cancelled. She took my brother and told him she would not take me. Well, my dad then decided he'd take me so she decided she would take me on my birthday. So that was my big present from her. This is important later in the story. Well my other big birthday present a several weeks ago was a bike. Of course this gift was from Eric. 



        We are nearing the end of the story here. A week or two ago, my family all caught CoVid-19. My stepdad is very vulnerable to it so he was sleeping downstairs. Well my bike and my hrothers bike are next to the door. Due to Eric being downstairs, I could not turn the lights on and therefore it was very dark. I was worried my fat dog and I wouls fall or something so I moved it so I had more space. Well I went back upstairs and apparently it fell. So I went downstairs to fix it and he made this big deal about hoe me doing whatever I wanted and moving it resulted in this problem. So he begings one of his interrogations. By this point Im done with the crap so it went like this. He tries to twist what I say, so I stop answering his questions. He then asks why I have the RIGHT to not answer his questions (Bitch read the 5th ammendment). I explain that he twists our words and then he tries to say I lied to my dad and said my mom always planned to bring me. Again, no she did not. So this infuriates me and I loudly repeat over and over again that I am done with the conversation to which he screams at the top of his lungs. 



        Now today he has been saying that I'm not allowed to raise my voice at my brothers ever because according to me nobody is ever allowed to raise their voice. I never said that but sure bud. So I jsut barely avoided going off on him today and it was only because it was my Mom's birthday. 



        I have posted this because I would really appreciate advice, support, and I needed to vent in more detail and get many more peoples opinions. I am so sorry for writing this long of a story, and if I get even a couple helpful responses it would make my day. I will definately post an update if people see this. Their wedding is in 12 days, and I do not know what to do. Sorry if there are any spelling errors, but it is 11:53 and I am going to try and sleep instead of spellchecking this long ass story.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
o94cnz,27/06/2021,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/o94cnz/venting_advice_searching_maybe/,step child,"Hello, I'm on mobile so sorry for any formatting issues. Sorry for length. But feel free to ask for more spesific info as well.



I am 22, gay transgender male, and the outcast of one side of my family, and the oldest of 4 siblings. Siblings are M17, F7, and M4. Me and M17 are full siblings from out bio dad, F7 is from a guy bio mom dated, and M4 is my stepfather's first child.



Stepfather is absolutely an a**hole. All around, he's just such a bad person. I have video of him hitting the younger two siblings and knocking them to the ground. Cps has been around twice before and nothing has been done, and all it did was make the situation worse due to bio mom's paranoia over it. Bio mom refuses to stand up to her husband and let's him do and get away with things that she ovbiously doesn't agree with and thinks is wrong. He hits the kids and my mom just lets him. 



As I said, I am LGBT, and also, have pretty bad mental health issues, both things that my stepfather's hates. My entire existence and everything I did always came with a snarky comment from him. I could bring it up to my mom right then or after, but she just goes silent. She knows it's wrong and feels guilty, she won't stand up for me though. I don't live with them and my siblings anymore, when I told my mom I was going to live on a college campus, stepfather decided it was the best opportunity he had to kick me out. There was no discussion. I mentioned it to her, and he butts in, telling me I better figure out where to put my stuff, cause it wasn't staying there. He's always been an abusive person towards me spesifically, I was the scapegoat, so I'm glad I'm out, just sucks I had to make arrangements with my other half of the family, (Bio Dad and his wife) who do actually support me, to have somewhere to put my stuff while I live at college. Moving to college didn't automatically mean I was moving out for good, but that's what he made it so that's what I had to. 



Anyway, to get to the most recent thing that's riled me and my bio dad up quite a bit, my brother, the M17, just got a job! I'm happy for him of course. The thing is... He doesn't have a car, and when I was job searching and doing college I always got a lecture when asking for rides from family members, and even once got kicked out of the car mid ride. Any time I asked even my grandfather that lived with us who didn't mind giving me rides, my stepfather would make and entirely unnecessary negative comment about it, even for doctors appointments I couldn't get to without a car. And this job my brother got is nowhere near where they live, so I was worried about how he was going to get there, as I assumed they'd make him take expensive Ubers or just fend for himself, since no public transit goes near that job. Well, turns out my bio dad, who I love and supports me so much, also brought this up to my bio mom. He noticed as well. It turns out, stepdad and grandfather are going to handle taking M17 to and from a job five days a week no problem. My bio dad of course sees how f***ed up that is, but drops it for the sake of not arguing and just being happy for my brother.



So you see the discrepancy there? I got yelled at for asking about any kind of ride, even for medical reasons, but younger brother gets help no problem. 



There's one other thing I'm worried about. That younger brother M17 came out to me and only me as LGBT, so we both are. He's not transgender like me, but he's not straight. And of course, bio mom and especially step father have no idea. I'm just so scared they're gonna find out somehow, I don't really know how, and treat him differently.  I'm just so happy he's being treated like a part of the family when I was denied that. I also feel bad that he won't be able to be truly himself untill after he moves out. Hopefully he can do it sooner than I did. I just want to be happy for him that he is growing up but I'm just... Jealous. 



Does anyone have any advice or words of encouragement? Or just feel free to share your own stories down here that are similar, hearing about other people is helpful. A perspective from another stepparent might also be helpful.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
nbxv31,14/05/2021,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/nbxv31/advice/,step child,"a spiteful step daughter. on mobile



——



idek how long my mom and stepdad have been together, a while. close to a decade. hes a drunk, misogynist (probably racist & homophobic, hes old school, like girls do housework men dont) 



he sold my moms car without her permission, and spies on her. i think and hope a divorce is quite near in her future.



hes abused us our whole lives. used to throw my little brother around and not for fun, he was a really small boy. he would degrade us and call us pigs if our rooms werent clean, would say shit to degrade us, call us lazy if we DARED step foot in the house if he deemed it a nice day. he treated my brother semi better than me, hed always ask him to go fish and do stuff, and never ask me.



he tries to act like step dad of the fucking year, like i was suicidal and no help came because he even brainwashed my mom from helping us, only now is she even medicating herself because of him.



he obviously treats his daughter a lot better than us.



i understand that to a degree, but i look at my cousins step dad and he fathers her and his bio daughter equally (theres like an 11/12 year gap between us and our sisters)



he was pretty bachelor that lived at dads before he got with mom, had his ex gf still on his life insurance after SIX years and a baby together.



my dad was a toxic drunk too, but he got better because my step mom helped, i adore her with all my heart. and mom didnt seem to learn but made it worse by marrying him (step dad).



is this just a normal, man “i aint raising no one elses kids” like ik this isnt normal but i just.



idk i really want to like the dude, not even cause hes a good person, but because i love my little sister. but just all the trauma and so much other drama, i just cannot get rid of this burning hatred for his shiny bald ass head and i just want to get very violent or yell very loudly at him. i can forgive my mom in slight for certain traumas, but his will last me a lifetime.



idk, i just needed a another perspective, maybe im looking at this in a wrong light than he sees it","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
12pofv8,17/04/2023,10,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/12pofv8/i_hate_my_step_mother/,step child,"14 years ago my father met my stepmother right after my mom and father got divorced. At the beginning she seemed fine but even though my sister and i were only 8 something didn’t sit right. My father was abusive and my stepmom joined in on it. I have seizures and autism and didn’t have amazing grades in school due to damage to my brain from my seizures. She made principals and teachers cry screaming at them to put me into special needs classes cause I’m “slow” (I was a b/c student). 



She hated my twin and i so much when my father built their current house they

 Build 2 more smaller ones so she didn’t “have to deal with two 18 year olds”. She now owns 2 stores and rents out both homes to people. I can’t stand how fake she is as the only people who see through her act is my moms side of the family and my stepdad’s and my siblings. Even though she’s the same age as my brother (35) and my father is (60).  Little do they know that I’m engaged as they are blocked on all social media. One of my cousins noticed it after I posted about it on Snapchat.



She is absolutely furious about it texting the whole family about it how she’s always treated us well, the abuse of my siblings and i is a lie she claimed. She’s so petty and hated me so much she found out my fiancés career (pilot and photography) and keeps trying to hire him on his website but he says no because he knows her name. To be honest I’m hated her for the past 13 years. She’s always going to be jealous or Hate each other but I don’t care.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
12j1c22,11/04/2023,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/12j1c22/where_does_ppd_end_and_asshole_psycho_behavior/,step child,"My (24f) dad’s wife (39f) has a baby under 2. We met about 5 years ago and had a great rapport, probably even a good friendship.



In the beginning, the year we met, she had an injury and stayed with me for about 6 months. Just us two. It made me resent her because it felt too soon and I’m very specific about my privacy and alone time but I did my best to make her feel welcome and not let it show. 



It is not comparable but her PPD/PPA has gone nuclear. I did everything in my hands to make her feel good and prepared during pregnancy and ran behind her, quite literally fawning, doing anything I can do to make her happy and comfortable during an obviously trying time. What I didn’t know was that apparently she thought having a child was easier than it looks. She half joked about it when my half brother was a few months old and a sort of sinking feeling hit me but I couldn’t explain why.



FFW to now. She’s tired and her attitude towards me has frozen completely. Unless my dad or sister are there, I can’t really remember the last time she was genuinely nice to me. I am not demanding this from her but I’m painting the full picture. 



If my dad fucks up, she includes me and my sibling in the blame. If anything upsets her, its free game to badmouth everyone and talk about how we all ruined her life (no one told her to do this. She wanted this). She’ll then backtrack and absolve my father of blame, and pin the blame on me. I do all that I can to keep the house tidy and do the needed chores and help with looking after him. Or used to. I’d come home and I would just be doing house work and I didn’t complain. I dont want a medal or acknowledgement. 



But over time, she’s had more of these episodes of anger outbursts and each one reminds me of my mothers abusive behavior. Calling us all kinds of horrible insults. Saying we ruined her life. She’s very obsessive when it comes to cleaning, her apartment genuinely looked like an ikea ad. She knew what my dad’s place looked like before they married. I myself struggle with organization bc of my mental health and ADHD but I do my best to not inconvenience anyone. I keep the shared spaces tidy. 



These episodes have become extremely frequent, and very pointed. I understand she’s going through a hard time and I would push through my feelings of anxiety and still fawn. She was gone for about a month and I thought hey lets clean the whole house in one go so she doesnt worry about it. (Btw having the house just to me and my dad was so nice. The mood instantly soured when she came back). 



She said the house was disgusting, saying it was a mess and yet shockingly didn’t clean all that much. The most dramatic thing she did was take all my cosmetics on the counter of the bathroom, the shared bathroom (her and my dad have an ensuite of their own), dumped them in a plastic bag and threw them in front of my door. She decided that wouldn’t cut it and threw them on the floor of my room. 



She also threw out my electric toothbrush that was sitting on the counter. We don’t have a cupboard above the sink and I’m not going to put my things in a dusty cupboard under the sink. However, a big ol basket holding all the cleaning supplies are fair game to sit on the counter. Not my stuff tho.



She makes me extremely anxious and reminds me of the abuse my mom put me through - without hitting me. I know I’m at fault here but I’ve just stopped all interaction with her. I dont talk to her and if I try and help its not up to her standards so Ive stopped trying. I do the chores I need to do and I’m trying to let go of the idea that I deserve to be a maid/punching bag. 



Today I came home quietly, my dad was at work, and she saw me and got surprised. I’m a very jumpy person and I didn’t mean to do that to her, but I’ve never gotten angry over it. She started yelling at me and saying I never say hi or talk to her (gee I wonder why) and then stormed upstairs to her room. I quietly tidied the kitchen and haven’t seen her since. 



I don’t know what happened but she’s been dropping subtle hints for me to stop coming home. She kept telling me I need to be independent but never actually explained what that means. Every time I came home from uni, I was met with aggressive passive aggression and the silent treatment. Why the fuck would I say hi to you then?



She will slam doors and cupboards and slam objects down on tables and counters. She baby talks to her son about how sad it is that no one cares about him. 



Obviously they have communication issues but theres more to it than that. She acts extremely cruelly and my dad pretends to not hear it. It ricochets off of him and it makes her seethe. I am his total opposite (yay bpd) and it makes me shake and tremble in my room. Ive cried so much because of her. 



My uncle says she uses me as a scapegoat to roll out all her aggressions out on because I react. I fawn. My sibling and father don’t. I’m fucking tired of being this psycho cunt’s punching bag. I oscillate between feeling guilty and feeling like I owe her, like I deserve to have my belongings thrown away and thrown around and flip to sadness and rage. I dont feel safe at home and I sure as fuck am not staying. 



All I wanted was to spend my break doing work and spending quality time with my dad, not feeling my heartbeat in my throat.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
12b73wq,04/04/2023,6,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/12b73wq/i_finally_won/,step child,"As of January 8, my dad finally got divorced from my stepmother. She was emotionally manipulative and emotionally abusive. She was 42 with the emotional maturity of a 20 year old. If something didn’t go her way she threw a fit and insulted me and my sister. Later on she’s come back with fake tears apologizing as if we couldn’t see straight through her. She started going to bars and concerts and staying out all night. My dad finally saw her true colors when he found out she cheated on him. I wasn’t surprised in the least. While I’m obviously sad that my dad had to go through this. I’m glad I’ll never have to see her again, and glad that my dad won’t waste any more of his life with that petulant, immature woman.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
vdum6e,16/06/2022,1,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/vdum6e/my_stranger_mom/,step child,My stepmom doesn’t feel like a real mom so it’s kind of weird whenever she is really mean to me which is almost always it feels like a stranger is just coming up to me and yelling at me which is really rude of her in movies with stepparents the kids are the ones that are really mean to the stepparents and the stepparents are always really nice but I guess in real life it’s the opposite and the stepparents are more meaner to the kids and since my stepparent has kids already she treats them a little bit better like my sister‘s sixth birthday she had a whole entire quinceanera and I just had cake and some presents which is actually way better than a quinceanera because I like it not super HUGE.  But it’s still super unfair and she also yells her face and whenever we’re playing a game she just says stop doing that even if we’re literally just playing lemonade she’s still very nice sometimes and she’s not the worst but one time she was so drunk that she text did my stepdad and my real mom with death threats and saying stuff about us and whenever they told me that she texted that to them I really did not like her at all.,"Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
10ffcke,18/01/2023,6,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/10ffcke/i_hate_my_stepdad/,step child,"He is trying to get involved with my mother’s discipline techniques but is just getting in the way. 



He is just so strict that I feel as if I am walking on egg shells around him



I ask what times for dinner, phones off.



I ask him and my mother to turn the tv done a bit whilst I am sleeping, phones off.



It could be any little thing and he would take my phone off. Now I know that having your phone taken off isn’t that bad its just that the phone gets taken off along with a 30 minute to an hour lecture comes with it. It’s not even a good lecture he just repeats the exact same thing every 5 minutes.  It has gotten to the point that whenever I am near that man he is telling me off for literally nothing. Even my mother agrees that sometimes it’s to much but he always used the  same excuse every time, ‘I’m protecting your mother.’ 



He’s only been with my mother for 3 months and they are engaged. I can’t live like this.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
mmlqny,08/04/2021,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/mmlqny/tonight_was_the_final_straw/,step child,"TW for slight sexual assault btw. Been having problems with my stepdad for years. Emotionally and sometimes physically abusive but it wasn't anything I couldn't get over. I figured I could save my money and put up with it for another year then move out. 



I usually take showers in the morning but he was getting mad that I kept taking all the hot water. Tonight was the first night I took a shower at night. When my brother was asleep and my mom was at work. To make it short I caught him unlocking the bathroom door with a master key. I suspect he's been taking pictures of me because earlier on I thought I saw a shadow move above my head in the shower. 



I don't know how to feel. I much prefer the normal abuse over this. I feel disgusting. I feel violated. I feel ashamed.



EDIT: In regards to the comments, I'm considered legally an adult. I don't think there's much I can do if I'm not a minor. My mother refuses to confront him about it. Thank you though.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
m9ep69,20/03/2021,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/m9ep69/my_stepfather_abuses_me_and_my_family_for_4_years/,step child,"so my mom kicked my dad out when i was six



she got a new boyfriend about a year later and he was okay....... so here is a list of things he did lol:



Was abusing her, tried to spoil us (4 kids), after my mom had enough he tried to: kill our horse (monty the horse he is nice and okay.. luckily my mom saved him :\]), stalked my mom, throwed rocks at our windows and tried to take us -\_\_\_-



so after that shit ended she got a new boyfriend....and this one ACTUALLY THINKS HE IS A GOD (thats what i think he thinks)



list of things he did over the 4 years we had to live with him (not much of a list)



At the first half year he acted like a very good person and he was like a normal chill dude, we all liked him :D



so when he moved in the shit started happening



My grandma (a future predictor) told us she had a bad vibe about himmmmm lmfaoooo....



when we were eating he would often just hit me in the face for talking while eating (even tho he was talking to my mom the whole time he ate)



once i was just sitting normally at the table eating and my arms were like on the table....like you would normally eat but they were one centimeter more spaced out than usual because i got the biggest plate we owned. he then with his arms spaced out so much that i could see his man boobs hit me in the face with his elbow



(i am listing things yes...)



he just tells me to fuck off sometimes just because i was talking to my sister



once he made my 15 year old brother cry because he had enough of this shit



(i am not writing this in chronological order just because i dont remember what all happened)



One of the most painful things he did to me was that he slammed my face into a cabinet and my tooth gum Ripped...and when i look into it rn i think my mom didnt care because she didnt tell him anything because she didnt care about me...soooo yea



if you want proof i can take a photo of it loll :D i still dont have that piece of gum there even tho its healing very slowly



so for a week i had a piece of gum there on my tooth just flopping around until it fell of because it died...(the flesh died yes)



When he is watching TV and i tell my brother something he just starts yelling at me (this sounds so fake.....i expect the BS comments )



He Smashed the tablet i got from my dad .... details:



I was about 8 and i didnt know how to delete the password i had there so he just broke the tablet....he threw it on the floor and started jumping on it and then he broke it in half after that he just threw the rest of it in the trash....i remember taking some of the circuit boards out of the trash because i was so sad loolll.



My grandma threatens to throw him out of the house (her house...) but she never did



so if you want part 2 just tell me :D i really would love to tell yall what happened to him (i think you would know by reading this already lol)



ok :D","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
tj4yfl,21/03/2022,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/tj4yfl/i_see_a_lot_of_posts_here_about_stepkids_whos/,step child,"my stepmom who i’ve known since forever at one point when i was 7 became very mean and accused me of hating her and just misinterpreted every single thing. when i was 10 my dad and her had a kid and for the longest she accused me of being jealous of her, bc she assumed i would be since i am the youngest of my dad and mom. that was 100% not the case btw. and she would always accuse me of not liking her and her kids because of my dad?? now mind you i was young and i cry very easily so when she’d ask me this stuff i’d get nervous and hold back tears because i was a whole child. so yeah sometimes i just went with what she said, or said i don’t know. for the longest she accused me of “alligator tears” aka fake crying(i still to this day do not know how to fake cry). and yeah just a whole bunch of stuff that i realize now was insanely messed up and i’m dealing with mental issues related to all of that. so then around i want to say 2-3 years ago she just stopped being as bad. she doesn’t really do much to me now and she’s pretty okay most of the time except that she does get angry very easily and stressed out and yell(which in turn makes me anxious) but that’s typically triggered by her own kids, still this usually turns her attention to every little thing which gets me in trouble for the dumbest things(like putting a pan in the wrong place in the new house bc i didn’t know where it goes and apparently i should’ve left it on the counter just??). so i guess she’s not the best but certainly better and sometimes i truly appreciate and enjoy being around her. and sorry this went on for a while but i just want to know if anyone else has experienced this??","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
mjhgam,03/04/2021,7,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/mjhgam/giving_up_on_any_form_of_relationship_with_my/,step child,"Hello, I suppose im looking for some advice on my situation and whether there is any hope regarding my relationship with my stepdad. Also, maybe if there's any different perspectives regarding him. my sister (23F) and I (22F) were raised by my single mom for most of our life and she never really settled with any partner until a few years ago. In the beginning he was okay at first: nice and cared for my sister and I. Few years past like maybe 3 and things got weird, the gaslighting and yelling began but it wasn't terrible. Another 1-2 years passed and my mom got pregnant and she didn't want to keep the child but he convinced her, so that was weird. After she gave birth, he took like a whole 180 on his personality. The gaslighting, shouting, cheating, lecturing about the dumbest things you can think of was on a whole new level. I couldn't even make a cup of coffee without him lecturing me about how my method of making coffee was wrong and how Im too rude to implement his ""suggestions"". Speaking to him was like walking on eggshells, you never know when he will snap at you and you can be extremely kind but he will still go off on you to prove he is correct and you are wrong. Also, he cheated on my mom a few times within their 6-ish years of being together and has not apologized for it, but denies it! Also how he treated my sister - She is pretty young, 23, and has a boyfriend much older, around 50 something. My stepdad was pissed and hated it and hates her boyfriend just because of the age. After finding out, he treated her worse than my mom and I. She got yelled at everyday for again silly things like ordering from amazon? She had enough and moved out- im happy for her because it sucks here. He cant even be happy for her for anything, she got accepted for a masters program and he just critiqued her program of choice and said her boyfriend will dump her and leave her on the streets (what does her bf have to do with her accomplishments?). So all this was really pushing me to never want to talk to him when I move out or have any form of relationship. However, somehow it got worse. When my sister was still here, they got into an argument like usual. She ordered from amazon and he got pissed and lectured her, she argued back and brought up his cheating and he decided to say that her and me are not his children and only his biological child is in fact his only child. Argument ended there (not sure why I was brought into into his argument but oh well). I found it funny because he is a people pleaser and loves bragging about my sister and I with his friends and family and how he is so proud of us , calls us his daughters , yet he says something like that and treats us like crap. It also did shed some light of how he really views us vs. his biological child. It made me realize how much happier I was without any type of father figure and I wonder why my mom is still with him and yes I know leaving is not easy.   I saw some other posts about trying to understand your stepparent's side and respecting them etc. I do respect him but I dont like him and dont understand how he cant see his wrongdoings and blame my mom or me and acts like it makes perfect sense, I really dont understand. Now, I dont engage In any possible arguments, talk to him when needed, act like everything is okay and just waiting for the day I can move out! A small part of me feels guilty for not wanting to continue a relationship with him in the future, because im thankful for everything he has done for me like helping to pay for my tuition but it doesn't really make up for all the terrible things I have to deal with due to him plus the impact on my mental health.   Also, in the past we did have a ""discussion"" with him regarding his behaviour toward us which led to him becoming upset and leaving the house for a few hours so I dont think he is mature enough to sit down and listen to us to really try and understand our pov. I get it might feel like we were ""ganging"" up on him but how else are we suppose to tell him how we feel.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
ri1xl8,16/12/2021,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ri1xl8/im_scared_of_my_stepdad/,step child,"I've talked about this with my mom and my therapist but wanted to vent/ask for advice from other folks from blended families. My mom married my stepdad in 2018, and he and his kids moved in with us about a year before that. ( I try not to be vindictive but they had a family meeting after dating for 2 months to ask everyone, adult children included if they should move in together, everyone said no, and they went ahead and did it) My mom's always had a pretty clear type in men, disciplinary/dominant military/policemen who're bald/have short hair. We grew up without any male figures in the house, she and my nana raised us in an all-girl household. (i'm trans ftm (he/him)please don't misgender me). All of my siblings and I have been shy/scared of men since we were little, we weren't used to them. So whenever my mom dated someone who was her type they were the complete opposite and we never liked them. (think instead of dating some softspoken gardener she date loud aggressive military officer) 



My stepdad and his family are very complicated. All of his kids, adults and those still living with him confirmed that he was abusive, though he was slightly better than their neglectful alcoholic moms/stepmoms. I am 17 and live with my nana, my older bio sister, my older stepsister, and my older stepbrother. I'm the only minor and live with them paying rent so I can finish my senior year without moving and go to a local college. 



My mom, stepdad, twin sister, and two younger stepbrothers live in another state. They moved up there about a year ago, and now that I've had time separate from my stepdad, I realized I didn't just dislike him, but he actively frightens me. Since they started dating I was already wary of him, I didn't like his personality or how he treated his kids (very assertive personality, y'know the common military father type). 



In the early years of them all living with us, he actively 'disciplined' my stepbrothers. It was frightening. None of my siblings had ever even really heard a man yell, and at most my mom spanked us. But he actively beat my stepbrothers with belts, and the walls and floors in my house were thin, so no matter how much I covered my ears, or hid in the closet, or listened to music, I still heard my stepbrothers screaming for him to stop and crying for help. (These incidents only happened when they got into physical fights with each other/my stepdad or were rude to each other or my stepdad, ie regular/maybe anger issues teenage boy behavior) 



After this, he did stop hitting them but continues to this day threatening to fight them when he argues (I don't think it was ever appropriate for some 50-year-old veteran to threaten to fight a middle schooler but I digress) 



Now whenever I have to visit their house for holidays/my mom misses me, I get extreme anxiety being there (mostly for a few days but I once stayed a week and came back exhausted) I had anxiety when we all lived together, but now that I've been living without my stepdad for a minute, I actually see the difference of me being anxious/my behavior. I've bitten my nails so short they bleed, and I am in and out of the bathroom every 5 minutes with (sorry for the tmi) anxiety shits 



I continuously survey the room to see how everyone is acting and if he's there or not. If I see him/hear him or I think I see him/hear him, I start monitoring how all of my family is acting and try and control them so they don't make a wrong comment and start a fight. Every waking moment around him I am stressing out because I know if I don't fix how my siblings act around him, they could say something wrong and he would go off. My therapist says this might be a trauma response from me, and from what I described it seems like I'm in fight or flight mode constantly whenever he's around, which probably isn't good for my physical wellbeing.



The experiences I've witnessed coupled with the stories I hear from his adult kids and my younger stepbrother of him abusing them/neglecting them/worse makes me feel very unsafe around him. 



I've talked to my mom about this, and I know it must break her heart, her kid being terrified by someone she loves and she can't really do anything about it. She says he's changed, but tbh it hasn't been that long since I've known him. I was in 8th grade when they started dating, and now I'm in 12th, his behavior and actions may have changed more positively over this short few years, but I doubt how much better he'll get. I told my mom if he still acts like this when I'm in my later 20s, I might have to cut him off. He's 51 rn, and he has been in the military and sheriff departments for years, If he can't mature more after what must've been very maturing/growing experiences, I don't think he will.



I hate upsetting my mom, but he's so incredibly frightening/anxiety-inducing, I KNOW that not being around him/in contact with him would be the best for my mental health.



These actions, plus his words don't help either. My mom says he likes 'stirring the pot' (whatever that means) and he's never serious. I don't know how she married someone and they refuse to talk about politics when someone's morals and values are so important and intimate to know about one another. I don't really want to bring up politics here, I don't know if it would be appropriate, but as someone in the LGBT community, I don't feel safe around him or anyone he's friends with. It's different if he got gifted some trump pence mug as a free add-on from some company he bought from, but he put a trump pence pin on his motorcycle jacket with he wears a lot. Seeing that around the house and with him in public doesn't make me feel safe. At all. It's scary, I feel like I can't come out/transition socially (even though almost all of my family and friends would support me) because I have absolutely no clue where he stands on lgbt ppl. I'm scared he'd hurt me or deny that I exist or something worse. 



It really hurts me that my mom takes his side over me, she's known me longer than him but it feels like she loves him more. I TOLD her I he makes me feel unsafe and I feel unsafe in what is supposed to be my 'second home'. Why didn't she care more? I don't get it. It feels like she loves him more than me.



I feel bad about feeling this way because I know it's been way better for my stepsiblings now that my mom is involved. All of their mother figures have been alcoholic/abusive/neglectful, and my mom loves them like they're her own born and raised. And obviously because of my mom my stepdad isn't physically abusive anymore, so I feel bad wishing they never met because then my stepbrothers would still be getting hurt.



No one else in my family really feels this way, except my older bio-sister. She hates him but isn't scared of him. I feel weak and pathetic because I'm scared of someone who I have so little respect for. My twin isn't even scared of him either. Though I worry about her because it seems like she's just going through the motions, she doesn't have any real opinion on anything because she just adapts to every incident that occurs. She just goes along with everything that happens. 



Any advice on stuff I haven't tried yet? Sorry for the long post, there's just so much going on and I feel like no one relates to me.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
orxbcq,26/07/2021,8,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/orxbcq/should_i_give_my_moms_boyfriend_a_chance/,step child,"Not sure if this is the best place to post but i just need help. So for ~11 years it's been just me (15M) my sister (13F) and my mom (34F) but recently (~2 years) my mom entered a relationship with a guy (~34M) who has alot of bad history and i'm unsure. Here are some reasons why.











TW/CW: transphobia, domestic violence, cheating, child abuse



1. He has talked about me not being a ""real man"" for not having male genitalia. 

2. He has blamed my mom for not noticing my bio dad abusing me. 

3. Over smokes weed (to the point it gets ""foggy"" indoors), has brought cocaine into my home, and excessively drinks. He has never gotten violent in these times.

4. He had a past with drug deals and was in a gang.

5. Was arrested in the past for domestic violence and armed robbery.

6. Last year, he hit (specifically punched) my mom while she was driving in the highway.

7. He is intimidating to my sister and she is terrified of him.

8. Already has a bio kid but has no custody and barely has a relationship with said kid.

9. He has cheated on my mom before.



So overall has a bad rap sheet but my mom says he had a rough childhood bouncing around foster care and such so his actions are a result of that. But I was adamant about him being an adult now and that is rough past was no excuse to be a bad and irresponsible person now.



More recently he was arrested and placed in prison for the incident with him hitting my mom (among other charges) and is being released in October this year. But my mom reached out to him and they are once again in a relationship and have developed a ""closer"" relationship. He has profusely apologized and has made attempts at making a relationship with me and my sister.



My mom has made plans of letting him move in with us again (he lived with us for a short amount of time before my mom got his things and kicked him out) and my sister absolutely refuses to be under the same roof as him. So basically if he moves in, she moves out. Obviously I am not going to abandon my little sister so I am going to leave with her. We're probably going to move in with a friend of mine but they have unstable home as well but we have no where else to go. My mom is still going to take care of us financially and medically. I am planning on getting a job and seeing if I could somehow rent an apartment for me and my sister.



But I have started to sympathize with him. Am I being too hard on him? Should I give him a chance? Should I try to sway my sister into giving him a chance? 



My mom is incredibly upset with me not wanting him in our lives, saying people make mistakes and they learn from them and i'm stopping her from being happy and that ""i want her to be single and alone forever"" and it's finally getting to me.



I'm overwhelmed and have no one to talk to about this. Help?

(sorry if i added unnecessary info.)","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
10tugxw,04/02/2023,20,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/10tugxw/passive_aggressive_stepfather/,step child,"TW: mentions of child molestation, verbal abuse



I am a 23f living with my family; Mom (43), Stepdad (48), and three younger sisters 15, 12, and 10. My stepdad has been in my life since I was 5. (He married my mom when I was 9 after my 15y/o sister was born. My bio dad is a piece of pedophilic trash that I've been nc with for almost 10 years. In the 18 years that my stepdad has known me, he has only been a father to me when I was going through court proceedings because of bio dad molesting me when from age 7-10. Other than that he hasn't tried. He has always treated me differently than my sisters, solely because I'm not his kid. It was worse when he was drinking (he's sober now) but it still goes on. Passive-aggressive comments on how I never do anything around the house, never believing me when my sisters start shit, always commenting on how I'm always in my room (gee I wonder why). I do tell my mom about these and she does confront him about them but it never ends well. He just ends up walking on eggshells around me while still making passive-aggressive comments. I have confronted him myself since becoming an adult but it results in the same. We do have our good moments where we can talk normally but I know that it's short-lived. Basically I'm just venting but also asking how I can go about handling it? TIA","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
14kig3m,27/06/2023,12,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/14kig3m/my_sd_has_never_loved_me_and_idk_why/,step child,"hey guys, but of a vent here, but also looking for some advice. tws for eating disorders mentioned



the caption says it all really. i’ve known my stepdad (64) since i’ve (nb, 18) been 2/3 years old, and he’s been in my life since my earliest memories. i also have a sibling, 18 months younger than me, from my mum (41) and dad (45) when they were together. 



i’ve tried so hard to get him to love me, it’s insane. he’s just always had it out for me, you know ? he didn’t get the “burden” of kids out of the blue, he has 2 sons and a daughter of his own (the eldest, 30, im very close w) so it’s not like he’s new to this experience.



i know most people have ups and downs with their families- especially step- but this is different. he’s always hated me. ever since god, 6 or 7 ? i can remember him commenting on my body. my weight specifically. how i needed to slim down. stop eating. do more exercise. this- as a bullied child at school, hearing the exact same thing from classmates- has sent me into a restrictive eating disorder that i still have today. when id be a teen and just say stupid shit at 12-15 years old, he would slander me for it. call me stupid. say that it’s the reason why im failing. call my brain lazy, call me lazy. comment on me having no friends because i say these stupid things. i cannot remember the last time he said happy birthday to me. i cannot remember the last time we had a genuine, proper conversation that didn’t revolve around housework and chores- and there’s plenty that he could talk about with me. i studied media for 2 years- he owns a media company- not once did he ever give me exam advice, help with homework, talk about media in general with me. id ask, sure, but i’d get a grunt or just a blatant ignoring. i’ve tried everything i can to just win over his love, and it’s impossible. this father’s day i got him flowers. he likes gardening so i thought it’s check out. i got home from work, greeted him with happy father’s day, held out the flowers and he just… walked off. 



i’ve sat there and cried for his love. i’ve cried for him to care for me. my mums seen me cry for him to care. my mums cried with me, for him to just care, and he doesn’t. even my eldest brother has tried begging him for him to care and look after me. he says how i’m not his problem and i’m lucky enough to have his finances spent on me. he called me a financial burden on my 14th birthday. i asked him why he doesn’t want to talk to me or care for me, and he told me it’s because i’m not his kid so why should he bother. i even asked for him to adopt me at one point, because maybe it’ll change things. maybe it would make me more his kid, but he said it wouldn’t and it never will. it’s heartbreaking. he can care enough for my half sister (9)- my mum and SD’d kid- so so easily. but just not for me. i want him to so bad, i wish he loved me. i just do not know how much longer i can try for



edit: i can see how this post may make my mum come across as abusive. for the most part, she isn’t. emotionally, she’s been a single mother to 2 mentally ill + autistic kids since the age of 21- she’s tried her absolute hardest. sure, there’s been massive massive ups and downs but we aren’t normal kids and she hasn’t had the emotional help she’s needed. i was looking to move into my own place but at 18 and on minimum wage for my age it’s not easy at all to support myself, as well as being in full time education which costs me £60 a week just to get to via train, not even including food, drink and other finances once i’m there","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
14ywoig,13/07/2023,30,https://i.redd.it/2xtoei8xssbb1.jpg,step child,"Me (22M) and my SM have had a rough relationship over the past few years. To make a long story short, I moved in with her and my dad at the tail end of 2020 after a falling out with my mother. I was always present in both parents lives, just lived with my mom. Anyways, at one point me and SM got into a big fight (my fault) that I did not see as big as she did nd it changed our relationship going forward. Despite years passing and my attempts at mending things and being part of the family, she has remained icy. This part isn’t relevant to my actual question, but context is important as always. So we’re having a conversation over text that becomes heated, and declares everything involving us is basically my fault and I need to be an adult. Fine. I’ll accept that and try to move on. However, when telling my side I mention how I was hurt she wouldn’t come to my college graduation because my younger sister had a dance recital and was responded to with this (see image). I’m not asking for advice necessarily on everything else, giving full context would be too much and I’ve already admittted guilt and apologized a ton. But how do I deal with being told I’m not as important? If it was an equally important event then fine I get it, but it was one of many dance recitals and she just started high school so there will be many more. How do I deal with my emotions? I was always told I was seen as equal to my siblings, but I suppose that wasn’t true.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
knt428,31/12/2020,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/knt428/question_regarding_my_stepdad/,step child,"I have very bad relationship with my stepfather. It goes back to start. My biological dad was terrible man who made lot of debts trying to work in his pseudo-buisness. My mother did not have almost anything but basic education and met my stepdad during trying to finish economic school. Mother had only me and my elder brother who stayed with my dad.



During several first years of their marriage mother did not make any money and during that time stepfather was paying for everything regarding me. Up to this day he makes accountable for this basically that I owe him. He was shouting at me during my whole childhood that I am costing him. Ignoring that he himself had also children from previous marriage (he was twice divorced before and had three children from those marriages) 



My stepfather abuse me very often me and my mother both. He has drinking problems. He had bad childhood his father was criminal who ended up in jail, his mother religious person from *Jehovah's Witnesses* sekt. Thus he had no gifts for chirstmas or birthday. Rest of his life was not easy. He was almost killed during serving military. Twice divorced. His first wife made lot of debts on him becasue she did not pay the rent.  It became as time went on very apparent that my stepfather has need to compensate his problems from childhood on me. If he did not had anything, he inteded beat me in the head with every penny on my expenses. 



What made all matters worse was the fact I had hard diagnose of ADHD. Thus I had problem with works at our home and did not understand something. My stepfather base mood is being angry which did not help during my when he was trying to explain me something. Thus I sucked at doing labours. 



Today I am already student at University. He still is angry about the money he paid for me instead of mother years ago. But not only that  he is angry that my money supports. During that time I ended up at mental hospital and now I suffer from multiple sclerosis. Yet I am still hearing about how all his other children already fully support themselves 100% despite them not studying. It´s getting really physchological toll on me. 



I would like for advices here, because I am not good at words when it come to defend myself and any advice would be really welcomed. I just dont belive this should be happening.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
k77i0q,05/12/2020,16,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/k77i0q/evil_stepmom/,step child,"WARNING:  These are my thoughts and memories bleeding out to whatever this media may be...



it might be confusing because I'm typing it as I think it,



Why I was not a good kid in school.



I am a sensitive person, and have lived a weird life.



I used to be a happy bubbly kid bursting with a thirst for knowledge and exploration.



My life as I remember it:



I was born from a mother and father who were 16 and 20 if I recall correctly.



I stole my first pack of gum when i was five years  old.  Five...  Thinking back, its crazy to think that a child of 5 would be so, i don't know the word off the top of my head but ya know, it seems pretty fucked up now that i think about it.



Anyway... lets get to it.  MY first memories was eating a starburst candy on Blandford Street.



Watching them take my 4 year old brother to the dentist.  He had two black poles in his teeth that looked scary as hell to a 3 year old.



I stood there at the front porch, sun on my face, feeling like a heating pad...



Ok.



Skip ahead .



STEP MOTHER ARRIVES



My Dad was kind of an idiot, sorry Dad, but yeah.. not you're fault.  He didn't graduate high school.



He was a Genius when it came to Cars though,  He loved his cars...  But not as much as apparently he loved money, and Jim beam, and The Steelers.  We never did get along. 



I was the smart one, the nerd.  He was the ""Jock""



So ripped apart because he saw some catholic school girl ass that he wanted to tap...



As a child I had a thirst for knowledge.. I wanted to know everything about everything



But you kept telling me I talk too much whenever I ask questions.



I heard things you didn't think I understood.



""God dammit, I cant fucking stand this kid, I want to fucking smash him into the ground, but every time i get pissed off over his dumb shit, he goes and does something nice,""



I went to the dentist once and she told the dentist not to use anesthetic because it cost too much, and let them drill my teeth with out Novocain.



Thinking back now I think she had a weird obsession about her teeth...



SHE is my Stepmother.   The trophy wife my father wanted plus a rich family who obviously saw through the fact that he married her because she had money.



BTW, i don't know if i mentioned it before, but I Also had an older brother.   And also, I was unexpected and an unwanted pregnancy... so I kind of got treated like dirt.



ANYWAY...



Where was I going with this?... shit, now I remember...



Oh ya also have that ADHD thing..



They took me off Ritalin in 4th grade after a week...



I was doing great in school, but she said it made me like a zombie and didn't want me to take it.



I was called fat as a kid by my stepmom and dad all the time...  THE FUCKED UP THING IS I WASNT THAT FAT BACK THEN....



I HATE REMEMBERING THIS SHIT BUT I KNOW ITS GOING TO HELP....



okay you're good, chill the fuck out...



Everything that ever happened that was bad was automatically blamed on me..



Don't get me wrong, I did do some stuff, but damn, I'm a kid..



""You're own mother didn't want you, I am all you have.""  -Evil Stepmother



Why does that echo in my head so damn much????



As a child you believe everything you're parents tell you, why would they lie?



I remember when you smashed my Gameboy on the kitchen floor for sneaking it into school...



I spend money now because I'm so used to having to spend it before its taken from me..



Funny how I remember getting savings bonds as gifts as a kid but never saw them again.



Asked about years later and you claim they never existed.



That year you told me I wasn't allowed to open any Christmas gifts because I'm a bad kid.





You manipulated me.  You told me my own mother didn't want me and you were the only one who would ever love me.  Constantly.





But from the outside, everyone thought you were the best Mother ever!!  Your mask was perfect.



Fast forward to my teenage years because i honestly don't remember a lot of my childhood...  wonder why?





I helped you raise two children, because Dad was too busy sleeping or working in the garage and you ""just couldn't handle the stress""





God there is so much more i want to say but Im fucking tired and hate remembering this shit,,,



So yeah, that.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
iyx1o1,24/09/2020,10,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/iyx1o1/sm_manipulating_dad/,step child,"I (32F) havent had much contact with my dad since he remarried when I was 12. When I got back into his life  in my 20s, he had a whole new family, and regarded his wife's kids as his own. Fast forward 10 years, and he doesnt contact me for any reason, and I have always had to call him, remind him its my birthday, ask to see him etc. He moved abroad 4 years ago and the one visit I had with him, his wife was horrible. She repeatedly belittled me, and mocked my appearance in front of extended family and their friends  over the course of the holiday, and praised her own kids (who btw are older than me, and really arent as successful in life than I am). He just came back to town to visit his step kids and help repair their homes. He has been staying with them for 3 weeks without telling me, and has now told me he can spare an hour or two for dinner with me the day before he leaves. He is bringing his step daughter to dinner, who will monitor the conversation and ensure I get no personal time with my dad. 



I dont know how to behave with her. I want to straight up ask why is she even here? I want to ask my dad, how is he so manipulated by his wife to make him forget about his own daughter, who is actually a wonderful and successful person and he should be very proud of. I want to tell his step daughter (34) to get a life, and stop leeching off others.....



But... I also feel like I need to play the game. Play the game of his manipulative wife, so I can somewhat still keep him in my life and not be continually heartbroken. I feel like I cant move forward in my personal life until I have a healthy relationship with him... something that seems unattainable. 



Advice on which approach I should take would be extremely helpful - be forceful and question her presence, or pay the game?","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
ittsdh,16/09/2020,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ittsdh/stepmom/,step child,"my stepmom genuinely makes me want to kill myself. she makes me feel worthless and like my dad would be better off without me to. i dont know what to do because i want to die but im scared to kms. i just want to disappear. there is literally nothing i can do because she fucking hates me but they would never get divorced. i guess this is a rant/ i need advice. 



I see a therapist and talk to my friends about what goes on and everyone comes to the same census, which is that my parents (dad and stepmom) need to chill tf out and listen to me for once in my life yet change is never going to happen. I feel like im insane or delusional because they act like they are fucking perfect angel parents and like IM the one who does everything wrong. like theyve straight up told me that i do nothing [right.](https://right.like) im just so done i want to die and idk what to do.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
i1hejm,31/07/2020,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/i1hejm/my_22f_stepdad_49m_has_some_concerning_behavior/,step child,"Hi, all! I'm new to this sub. TW child sexual abuse. Sorry for the length.



BACKGROUND: When I was around 6, my parents divorced and my mom and I moved in with my current step-dad, Jacob (all names changed) and his son, Cedric. Cedric was 10 and regularly molested me in secret for many years whether I was asleep or awake and it only stopped once he moved to his bio mother's house after my little brother was born (mom and Jacob had a kid together). I came forward about this when I was a pre-teen. There was a lot of drama. My mom was in denial and didn't believe me and my step-dad was unreasonably angry with me/mom and protective of Cedric. Nothing really came of it, since they still keep his creepy ass around to avoid more drama. 



Cedric proceeded to molest another young female family member (my age) who lives in his bio mom's house. This girl also came forward about this years ago and nothing happened. He's \~26 now. I have no clue how many other girls he's molested, but he's still in the family and I avoid him as much as I can.



My little brother (who is now 11) has been sheltered from all of this and doesn't know any of the drama. As far as he knows, Cedric is just his cool gamer step-brother who plays games on the Switch with him when he visits. 



There are some things that make me nervous about Jacob: 



1. Jacob will STARE at me when I'm walking around the house. I'm quarantined with my mom, Jacob, and my little brother so there's no avoiding that.  When I notice he's staring at me I'll make eye contact which causes him to look away. I notice he also stares at my little brother which makes me wonder if Jacob is just innocently zoning out and doesn't realize that he's staring.

2. When I was younger, Jacob would give me hugs but his hands would stroke or graze my lower back in a way that wasn't appropriate for a young girl. I brought this up with my mom who just said ""He's not used to having a daughter, so he doesn't realize it would make someone uncomfortable"". He used to ask for hugs and poke fun at me that I would only give him side-hugs or try to hug him with as little contact as possible.

3. Jacob used to regularly shower with and be naked while changing around my little brother until he was well past walking and talking on his own. Mom seemed fine with this. My bio dad raised me to be really independent and private, so I'm not sure if my mom and Jacob coddled my little brother or I'm projecting my past abuse onto a normal parental situation.

4. When my mom asked Jacob if Cedric had ever been abused or molested as a kid, Jacob apparently freaked out on my mom and got very defensive. I wasn't there to witness it-- my mom told me this so i don't know to what extent he got defensive and if my mom accidentally said something inflammatory. 

5. Jacob grew up in an abusive environment where an adult authority figure would regularly molest a LOT of kids. I'm not sure if Jacob was ever abused himself but considering the things above, I think it's worth noting. 



I'm worried that my little brother might have been the victim of something inappropriate. Where did Cedric learn his behavior? I know that abusers aren't made out of nowhere and I can't help but be extra vigilant with this crazy ass family.  



What I'm wondering is: should I have a one-on-one talk with my little brother? My mom? Am I crossing a line? And are my concerns even reasonable, or am I just being paranoid? I would be letting him know that if there was ever someone who was inappropriate with him, he could tell me.



I know this is the job of the parents but the way my mom handled news of my abuse makes me want to give my brother a better, more welcoming space to speak up. I just want him to know I got his back. I would never bring up Jacob or Cedric or what happened to me because I'm just speculating and I wouldn't want to damage my brother's relationship with them. 



Little brother and I are close. We bond over video games and skateboarding, or I help him with his homework but we're not ""emotionally"" close if that makes sense. He's the type of kid who's not very good at articulating his emotions and any attempt to have a serious conversation with him (like dealing with a classroom bully, etc.) makes him clearly uncomfortable or overwhelmed and he'll make jokes or mentally shut off until the topic changes. This is with anybody, including me or my mom (he likes us both very much and is very comfortable with us). I don't even know how I would have such a heavy talk with someone who doesn't like to open up. I'm an adult and I can handle Jacob/Cedric being weird towards me now, but I'm extremely protective of my brother and I would do anything to make sure he has a safer and happier childhood than I did. 



Thanks for reading this far. I'll be posting this to other subreddits too, just to see what others have to say.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
g9wpw5,28/04/2020,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/g9wpw5/my_sm_is_a_complete_alcoholic_and_my_dad_condones/,step child,"I swear every time I go over to their house they constantly are drinking! My SM is a huge wine drinker and honestly doesn’t know when to stop. The reason my Dad seems to condone it is because he is also an alcoholic. Recently they have been getting pissed off all the time at each other so whenever they get drunk it’s absolutely crazy! For New Years Eve they got really drunk and began to fight which was nothing new, they were throwing stuff at each other and literally slamming each other against walls. Now me being the ignorant 13yr old I am I ran in between them and almost got punched by my dad. I got him to calm down but it didn’t help that my SM was yelling at him yelling him to tell me how much of a bitch she was. After that I told her to shut the hell up. Honestly I’m just done with everything and don’t feel that they are right for each other. Any advice would be welcome.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
fxhe59,08/04/2020,1,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/fxhe59/shitty_parenting/,step child,"Hey there I am now an adult but ive live in a house hold that my father and stepmother lived alot of times I felt like I was the odd one out considering they were all indian and Im mixed raced. My stepmom would treat me terrible in my eyes there were time where she would take here biological kids out and leave me in the house alone. Wouldnt say a word to me although we were living under the same roof. Long story short If you are someone loving and caring just show it to the kid, cause i grew up questioning my self from all this emotional abuse","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
fsjqgm,31/03/2020,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/fsjqgm/taking_after_my_sd_i_think/,step child,"When I was little I was terrified of my stepfather and didn’t like him. He was the disciplinarian, and he’d spank me so hard I remember having an outline of his hand on my ass for two days and it hurt to sit in my seat in class. In grade 1 I saw my moms tweezers and stuck them in an electrical sockets while me and my sister were at home (weren’t supposed to be home alone as we were too young) because they fit so perfectly and in grade 1 you don’t know anything about electricity. Well the socket went all black and the power went out, so when my parents did get home there was no way of hiding it. My parents couldn’t find a belt to use, so my step dad got my moms curling iron and whipped my ass with the electrical wire on it. I wasn’t a bad kid... I was polite, extremely shy, played alone in my room or hung with my sister. My parents didn’t play with me while I was growing up. We’d be told to “go play” if we bugged my mom or were bugging the adults. One time my mom was getting head lice out of my hair in our backyard and I was in grade 2 or three. She was pulling each hair so hard to grab them, my scalp was hurting so much. I finally had enough and started to pull away from her, so with the hairbrush she hit me in the face and split my lip open. I rolled down the ramp we were standing on and when I got up I had blood dripping from my lip. She just told me to wipe my mouth off. Not remorse. 

My stepdad would get at me often enough. I was a pretty well behaved kid, did chores, but hated that chores were always demanded. I also thought it would be so nice if my stepdad could just ask me if I could do something when I wasn’t busy, and I would have been happy to. But he always demanded, and if I didn’t get up to do it right away I’d get in shit. He’d start yelling at me, throw things at me, spit in my face as he yelled, poke me so hard in the chest while yelling that I’d get pushed back or fall on my bed if he was yelling at me in my room. Then he’d scream in my face some more, tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself when I cried. 



I hated him, and I hated me. I hated my life and wanted to die. I’d look in the mirror with my tear soaked face and silently call myself ugly cause I didn’t want anyone to hear my voice. I began to accept that I wasn’t deserving of being treated well. I grew up depressed and with low self esteem and anxiety. I hated school, I pushed everyone away after graduation. 





I now have an 8 year old step daughter and she’s very needy of attention, and getting adults to do things for her. She refuses to hold doors because me and her dad do it, is terrified of a bug is flying around her room, wants to share the bed with daddy and I and still wants cuddles. Even though I would never hurt her and would never want to hurt her self esteem, I constantly find myself with this angry internal monologue when she is around. I do think she needs to learn more about respect and independence, but so many things piss me off. My concern isn’t for her, because I know I will never be my stepfather. (I’m 27f I just mean figuratively) but. I find myself feeling the anger he would constantly display while I was growing up.  My concern is for me and my well-being... how can I\we teach her to be more respectful to me and her dad without my assholish anger shining through? My first thought would be some kind of therapy, but therapy is expensive and hard to come by.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
eb48o6,15/12/2019,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/eb48o6/venting_under_breath_remarks_stepdad_nuasance/,step child,"Hey, 



I'm in a very emotional state right now and am sorry if anything is badly formulated. Anyway let's get into why I'm writing this vent. 



Some context: 



I'm 20 years old and somewhat introverted. Me and my mom have been living alone for most of my life. I've not grown up with a father figure besides uncle and grandfather. 



My mom started to date him when I was quite young but he wasn't around so I don't see him as a father or anything along that line. About 6 years ago we started to all live under on roof and ever since then I'm starting to resent him.



\-------



Ever since we have been living togheter I've noticed he has these kind of negative remarks under his breath. It could be that I eat at a later time or go to the toilet often but it seems to be clearly directed at me. I don't want to stir anything up between my mom and him because I'm hoping to move out in a year or 2 but it still bothers me to the very core. 



Its come to the point where whenever it happens I have to go to my room or any other place he doesn't go to to calm down and even then I get very dark thoughts. My best course of action is just to suck it up for those 2 years but I think that if I keep sucking it up for those 2 years I won't ever visit my mom and siblings again when he is around purely because of him. 



I'm a bit more introverted than the average person so I tend to stick with myself. For this reason I haven't really hung out with my step family all that much but still seem to connect better with them than with him. 



He isn't an alcoholic or anything like other posts that I've seen online when looking for similar situations. He's actually quite well of with a decent job and we live in a nice house because of him so I'm trying to be grateful but his personality seems to be shit and a half so I really don't know what to do. He also gets very angry quickly even with himself so I suspect he has some sort of anger issue which might be the reason of the remarks but that doesn't make them cutting nonetheless. 



I refuse to confront him on it for the fear that I might lash out myself if he gets angry with me. 



Any advice would be great. I'll try to respond to anything send but I'm not very active. 



\---



*Please if you think you might know me don't talk to me in person about it I will delete the post.*","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
cz5mmb,03/09/2019,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/cz5mmb/just_an_appreciation_post/,step child,"My step dad has been with my mother for the past 11 years, I'm 26 now. When they first got together they were both addicted to meth and after about 2 years together, they got clean together. Which I'm sure has made their bond so much more. 



But my goodness do I love that man, he's such an amazing father to my younger siblings that still live at home and I'm super thankful that they have him and don't have to know our real father who is extremely toxic. It's a shitty relationship in my life and I envy that they don't remember him or keep in contact with him as I do. What's really pulling my heart strings though is I had to leave my 4 month old son at my mom and his house last night for a few hours and when I came to pick him up I found my step dad walking around the garage holding my son, giving him a tour of his garage and sitting him on his Harley. It was seriously so sweet. I'm so happy that he loves my son as if they were blood.","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
ct0tsl,20/08/2019,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ct0tsl/i_just_wish_i_didnt_have_any_fathers_i_dont_know/,step child,"I am so tired of my step-father...I seriously hate living with him and he always puts me in a bad mood and I want to kill myself to just be at peace. My mom tries to help me but she tries to defend both of us...I told her I don’t initiate or do anything for him to be an asshole. I help with chores, pick up my siblings, and give my mom money for some bills in front of his face so he knows, and don’t create a mess for myself. I have lived with this monster for years and I tried to be nice but I am not a mat to be stepped all over! I just wish I didn’t have any fathers at all and just live with my mom and siblings. I never grew up with any good father figure but I manage to be a good adult. The only reason I’m not kicked out is because of my mom. I am struggling to find a 2nd job in order to have enough to live on my own. So until then I am suffering from emotional abuse from this asshole who everyday has to yell at me even when I am just laying down to rest from work. Forget my real father too, he’s a pedophile and abandon me for being a girl and not a son...I will never want to meet that disgusting thing ever again. He’s very ridiculous, he will literally yell at me for anything. ANYTHING and I do defend myself but it’s frustrating and you end up fend up with it! The fights can be anything from making a snack for myself to leaving a sweater on the couch even if for a second or laying on the bed watching YouTube on my phone on low volume and complain it’s too loud! I can’t even cook when he’s there or else he will yell and I would be tired of my life. My mom really tries and idk why she doesn’t leave him! I don’t know how I can run away without a 2nd job...sigh- I do wish I could have a good dad but that’s unrealistic for me so I pray to not have any fathers...I never wish for bad things on people but I know my step father runs off with someone or hit by a bus so my family can be at peace! Anyone have similar situation..and got out of it?? Please help me! I feel so sad and tired of him!","Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse"
15k0y3t,06/08/2023,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/15k0y3t/i_dont_like_my_stepmoms_parenting_tw_r4p3/,step child,"So just to give y'all a quick introduction, I (18F), have a dad who's 42, I do not live with him, I live with my mom who is 44, and my dad lives with his girlfriend who is in her early 40s, her children who are 16, 7 and 5 (all females), and his father-in-law.  

She also has a daughter who's 26, and a son who is 18, but they don't live with her.  

I met all of them + the extended family when I was 17, they all are too loud for me, but that is no problem at all, it is just a ""me"" thing, I guess.  

The first few times that we hung out were sort of bad, but that is my fault because I was very resentful because of some things my dad did in the past, and I was also being very cautious of my stepmom and her family, because my dad's past girlfriends were HORRIBLE.  

So, last year, after a few months of not hanging out with them, I reconnected with my dad and decided to give it a try, I began to go to their house and have dinner with them, it was all good, except for the fact that I felt ignored by my stepmom's children (the youngest girls liked me tho). And I also knew that the 16yo didn't like me, but I felt it was because we are veryyy different from each other, literally polar opposites.  

Everything was alright for a few months, but I've started to notice some things that did not sit right with me, here it comes possibly the political and cultural debate:  

• My dad's cousin invited my mom and I to her daughter's birthday, my dad and his family were gonna be there too. When they arrived, I saw my 7yo step sister dressed in a cut-out top, showing almost all of her chest, I didn't say anything about it (to my mom, after the party, like I usually do, because I can't say anything to my dad) because in my country most people take anything that has to do with children safety very lightly.  

• Also, one time my 16yo stepsister was in the house, and told my 5yo stepsister to ""start twerking"" (my dad told me that the 5yo likes to dance like her big sister). And I was like, not surprised but also who the f\*\*\* teaches their 5yo sister how to twerk??? She's not even out of pre school yet. (No one has a problem with this, obviously).  

• They also sort of taught the 5yo to give kisses on the mouth, to literally ANYBODY, she kisses her mom on the mouth, MY DAD (he has just been a year with her, he's not even family), and also MY UNCLE. Like, seriously, I feel like I'm the only one with common sense in here.  

• By the way, it's clear that my stepmother has a favourite between the youngest ones, and it's the 5yo. Not only the fact that she has a favourite disgusts me, but she also has no shame in showing it, whenever the youngest ones fight, she sides with the 5yo (even tho she's mostly wrong anyways), she scolds and screams at the 7yo for NOTHING. So yeah, you may have guessed that the 5yo is a brat (literally slapped me because I hugged her dog).  

• This is not the worst thing about her, so here it comes the r4p3 trigger warning:  

On father's day (2 months ago), I went to their house so I could spend the day with my dad, his father-in-law made a barbecue and everyone from my stepmom's family was there: her brother and sister came with their partners, my stepbrother with his new ""girlfriend"". The 2 little girls were already there and my step sister came later after we were done eating.  

It was calm for a while (even tho my stepbrother was screaming/talking about some nonsense the whole time), I was being ignored once again and the movie they put on the TV wasn't of my liking so I started to get sleepy, my dad told me that I could go to their bedroom to sleep, he would come and call me for dessert, so I went to sleep.  

After a while, my dad called me to go to the table to eat dessert, while I was asleep my 26yo stepsister arrived with her boyfriend and her kid. We were doing good, I was sitting between my dad  and my step uncle's girlfriend.  

Until my stepbrother started some sh!t, apparently he wanted to take his grandfather's truck to go buy j0!nt paper (he's a drugg!e) but they didn't want him to, because the store was just 6 blocks away, and gas prices are absurd here. He could easily have gone walking but I just think he wanted to flex the truck (that wasn't even his) to his girlfriend.  

So obviously, like any other normal person would do, he started to scream insults to his grandad and uncle, his aunt couldn't take it anymore, so she stood up and started to punch him in the face, her and my 26yo stepsister took him to his bedroom and started to punch him and kick him very hard, everyone left the table except the partner's of my step uncle and step aunt, my stepbrother's girlfriend, my 16yo stepsister, and me.  

My step uncle's girlfriend stood to go a help my little sisters, who were in the bathroom having a shower. For my part, I was still sitting in the table, shocked and unable to say or do anything, I was really surprised because I didn't thought this would happen.  

I didn't wanted to cry because I felt like it was not the place or time ??? I was just very overwhelmed and confused because it was happening so fast (I'm also not used to these situations at all). My stepsister was crying and I felt really bad, I didn't do anything about it because I didn't knew how she would react.  

One of the people inside the bedroom screamed ""HE'S A R4P!ST"" and I heard it so clearly, I still couldn't move, my stepbrother's gf was shocked, standing at the door. Everyone took him outside and his aunt was screaming at him, I couldn't hear anything. My 26yo step sister stayed inside the house, so my stepbrother's gf asked ""what's wrong, what happened?"" And she just screamed at her telling her to get out, to get my stepbrother's stuff out of the room and that they both had to leave. So she did.  

I was tearing up at this point, my dad came inside the house and told me to grab my stuff so he could take me home. The only person I could say goodbye to was his father-in-law, who I hugged (because I wanted someone to hug) and he told me something which I couldn't hear because all of the screaming in the front yard.  

So I'm gonna point this out: when we were leaving on the car my 26yo stepsister was screaming at my stepbrother and my stepmom was just standing there, literally just standing there.  

About 2 weeks after my dad invited me to dinner there and he came to pick me up in his car.  

We where both alone and he told me what happened, it seems that 4 years ago before my stepmom's mother died, she walked in some room and saw my stepbrother and his 5-7 year old male cousin (which I didn't knew existed) doing s3xu4l stuff. I had no words, even when my dad told me I felt like vomiting.  

It made me mad when my dad told me it was ""suspicious"" because no one did anything about it at that moment, and that my 26yo stepsister is making such a scandal now, now that my stepbrother is going to buy a house in another province, and that she's going to loose her house because apparently she's going to break up with her boyfriend, who owns the house. (To me that's such nonsense, I don't think she's doing a scandal at all, nonetheless just for jealousy).  

By the way, my stepmother is 100% on my stepbrother's side, she's still in contact with him, even after her sister and own daughter came to her house to talk about the situation in a more gentle manner. I went to have dinner with them again a few weeks ago, then my step brother arrived (didn't stay, just came to say hi and left) everyone acknowledged him (except his grandfather), my 16yo step sister was too happy to see him. I had to say hi to him, or I was going to be judged by his mom and sister. And my dad had to talk to me through the whole time he was there, I couldn't even look at him.  

My dad is planning on marrying this woman, she's violent, has a bad temper, she's not a good mother either, she hits her dog, and has a son who r4p3d his own cousin. I don't know what to do, I just keep going to their house because of the sake of me and my dad's relationship, we don't really go out alone. He also seems to have a preference for them over me.  

Also he wants to buy a house in another province, and move in with them (minus the father in law, he's staying here), he told me a lot of times about how he wants me to move in with them too, but my stepbrother is also going, so I don't really think I'm moving with them.  

I just need somebody's opinion, I already talked to my mom about this, she doesn't seem to care, so..",Poor treatment by family members and fearful environments
15itw2c,05/08/2023,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/15itw2c/my_stepbiochmom_is_mean_not_abuseive_i_dont_think/,step child,"This is a rant/ asking for advice.



So my dad and StepBiotch have been maried since i was 3/4 yr ( I am curently a teen) My dad had me with his girlified. I was getting verry sick on the Island of my bio mom so I moved in with my grandma when I was 2 yr. I lived with my grandma<U+0001F54A>  who I consider my mom and called her so.  I would visit my dad for a few months for a few weeks to like 1-2 months.  And He was married to ana  right so Ive known her almost my whole life. And my relationship with bio mom is thin She wants to be in my life but ive only seen her in person when i was 6 yr and I had a mother figure in my life so its awkward . Forgot to mention I never liked Ana 5-7 I would go out with my dad and come back and say stuff ""oh dad was with another lady"" Esentily trying to break them up. Also forgot to mention ana speaks spanish im Bilingual not fluent in spanish but i can hold a conversation.  My mom didnt like ana bc of the way she treated me and she would stand up for me.



&#x200B;



Anyways she was nice to me and my dad was too untill they had a kid. So now I have  Half Sister and They asked me if i wanted a sibbling which 7 yr me said yesss ( i was wrong) . Then Ana started being a bit colder to me. Fast forward My mom/grandma Passes (rip i love you mom) and they have a kid surprise this time. At this point Ana had been outright hostil towards me since I was 8. Now im older I get told a lot by my dad ""oh name go help ana in the kitchen see if she needs help with anything"". I go ana says no I tell my dad he says then put the plates out. This is how it goes for most of out interactions promoted by my dad.



Here are the petty things she does. So one time my grandpa ron was over (from my dads side he isnt very nice he gets mad easy and then keeps the argument going). So  Ana is mad ( she always mad about sum) because GPR is saying that the way little sister eats in unhealthy and she doent eat a dinners and eats to many chips blah blah blah. Ana dosent like this but is corgal still dad is telling him to cut it out. any ways its night time dinners done I come into my room and ther was a dog poop uner my desk. Ana has an old dog that poops in my room if i leave the door open so I keep it closed but my dad insisted on opening it because my room smelt musty. So molly (dog) pooped and It is not my dog I dont like the dog but I tell my dad that and he just says no it is our family dog we must all take care of it. btw the dog wont listen to any one except ana and it 12 years old. So i am waiting in the liveing room and GPR asks what is happening with the dog poop and I am sat on the couch saying Ana  is cleaning it up its her do "" not my dog not my problem"" . Every one is saying Name just clean it up its in your room you are makeing this a big deal. Ana is not saying anything and is putting sibblings to sleep, ecencily saying no in her own way.  After much persisting on my part and yelling on the adults (dad,GPR). GPR eventually goes to clean it up and says im petty. I argue that Ana is petty not taking care of HER DOGS SHIT ( obv i dint swear) and she is a grown adult and she is petty to me all the time "" ok but you are the one refusing to clean up the poop That is in YOUR room"" ""fROM THE DOG THAT ISNT MINE!"" any ways every one was saying im in the wrong  blah blah blah i dont think i was .



&#x200B;



To prove that Ana is a petty bitch she refers to me as my dads kid and to their kids as her kids/ their kids when talking to my dad. If She goes out and comes back home she wont speak to me unless i speak to her and just in general wont talk to me and she is always giveing me a stink eye.  And If i ask to borow like a room spray to make my room spell nice she says ""oookayy"" in the most I"" really dont want you to but fine"" tone and looks do mad that i even ask to borrow something of hers.  My dad just dosent acknowledge this and forces me to hug her good night obviously I dont want to and she dosent want to but ig thats his way of having us be together. Also Some how the reason we didnt have lunch today was my fault because nobody told me to take the ribs out and put them in the oven. But apparently ( in my dad words)nobody should have to because I should come out and ask what ana needs help with. And  somehow the ribs not being put in the oven was my fault because ana didnt talk to me the whole time she came back and I stay in my room when shes at home because her energy just radiates i dont like you when IM around her.



Any ways let me know your opinons Is this some sort of abuse or just petty rudenes



Also idk if this is important but I dont look like the rest of my family because i have currly hair and a darker complection.",Poor treatment by family members and fearful environments
12vnok9,22/04/2023,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/12vnok9/things_were_good_and_now_were_back_where_we_were/,step child,"Hello again. I was active here for a bit about 2 years ago I think? But it's back. Specifically *he* is back.Context: https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/orxbcq/should_i_give_my_moms_boyfriend_a_chance/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/q2mxog/update_stepdad_being_released_from_prison_in_7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1Hopefully I did that correctly. I (17M), my sister (15F), and my mom (36F) had a bad couple years from an ex of hers and he's back. Following from last update, 'Stepdad's' sentence got changed so he went to prison and stayed there for 2-3 years.  Things got better between me and my mom but my sister went into a rebellious spiral over what had happened. She's gotten to a stable spot where I don't have to worry about her anymore but that's how badly the whole situation affected her.Recently (couple weeks ago) he was released. Now here comes the whole situation. My mom had been seeing a 'friend' very frequently these past few weeks and I did not think it was him. I was extremely confident in this. My mom sat me down a bit ago to say she was *considering* giving him a second chance (This would actually be his like fourth chance) But she specifically mentioned she was just thinking about it. She reassured me that he had just sent a letter and that was it. No further communication. I believed her because she gained my trust back. That was it. Yesterday she said she was bringing her friend over. I stay in my room because I don't like meeting new people who are in my home. My sister and her boyfriend (16M) get home and see him. I didn't see what happened but I heard some things. Essentially, my sister cried in her room and 'stepdad' got in my sister's boyfriends face asking who he was in a really aggressive tone/way (""who the fuck are you?""). 'Stepdad' really acts like as if he was our father and the whole 'are you good enough for my daughter' thing which is stupid. Sister's bf tried to stay civil and they had a tense conversation I think (there was some yelling I think). Eventually I check on my sister and her bf and they're good. I go then to 'meet' him. I still believed this guy was a friend of my moms who I hadn't met before.I greet him, he asks for a hug I say we start with a handshake. We talk for a bit and his appearance had changed a bit and it had been ~three years since I last saw him (and I believe denial played a part here) so I asked for his name. He said ""what the fuck did you say"" (which terrified me by the way because he got a serious look on his face and his tone was just, scary). I repeated myself (my confidence has grown and i'm more self assured now which i'm proud of) and he was put back. We continued to have a conversation albeit more tense since I now knew who he was and since he was misgendering me the whole time.This led to me telling him how he almost ruined my life and I sort of confronted my mom (because she lied to me about their communication and didn't tell me her 'friend' was him). When our conversation ended, he said he respected my feelings and that I was 'hella rude' (I just take personal offense to this since it's coming from him but it's whatever). I went back to my room and sobbed.I don't know how I should go about this. I never thought I'd have to worry about him again. I feel like being cold and distant to my mom for doing this to us despite our fear and misery but I'm also thinking if I put affection and love on 200% maybe she'll listen to me and I can change her mind. I also think if I can rile him up enough, I can get him to hurt me (doesn't seem like a challenge, our conversation was already getting him...reactive) and if he hurts me then maybe my mom will actually cut him off and yes I know that is a dangerous and illogical plan but i'm feeling desperate. My sister has her boyfriend to protect her physically and they support each other. I've reached out to my extended family and I have a safeguard in case my home becomes too unstable or dangerous. I'm going to graduate high-school by next month but I don't turn 18 until august.I want to help my mom see reason and I don't want to uproot my life if I can help it.What should I do?",Poor treatment by family members and fearful environments
mmz9kl,08/04/2021,8,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/mmz9kl/i_miss_my_dad/,step child,"Might not be relative to this sub but need to let it out.



I really miss my dad. I usually just stay at moms place and dad and his wife are going through some stuff I get too much anxiety being around her and just not comfortable there. A week ago dad said his wife was planning on going to visit her daughter for two weeks (daughter lives in another country) and I was really looking forward to staying at his place with him. Today when he was helping with the groceries he told me his wife isn't going anywhere.



Now I'm at mom's place and feel sad because I being with him. I really like and love my dad and I miss spending more time with him. I wish I could be at his place but I can't handle being that uncomfortable. Tho it would help with my anxiety I'll just feel bad being there.



Just needed to vent, but if you took your time reading then thank you. I just really miss my dad.",Poor treatment by family members and fearful environments
1045elm,05/01/2023,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/1045elm/how_to_start_hoping_around_on_backstory/,step child,"I'm not really sure how I should begin. honestly me (22M, 23 in a Feb.) and my Step-Dad (?M, ? this year) have never gotten along. We did in the very very beginning when my mom (42F, 43 this year) married him and a little before. but after a few deaths of his relatives, It went downhill and fast. He is an Alcoholic. Well due to that he did do a bit of manipulation without us noticing pinning my mom (thus me) against his dad. Well aside from him used to being constantly drunk and a jerk wad to me (He is better now). Him & my mom well didn't exactly have the best start (his Ex-wife took everything even his daughter (He didn't exactly know how to fight to get her, (Plus well when she did come to finally meet him when we moved in a few years later she was his top priority despite me being there... don't blame him now/ too much))) thus he hid money from their join account thus well the typical fight. Anyway it lead to well me having to keep their marriage alive for a few times by talking to them both and calming everyone down before I was 18. Yes him and my mom do love each other but well due to her past (her Dad (Step-Dad) died due to drinking) well this left her not a huge fan of massive drinking of alcohol. Well she didn't know about how much he drank which after the death kept going up (plus it lead to well him starting to hide it and losing jobs by drinking on the job), he was constantly drunk even when he drove (ironically it took a dui and not him crashing into a fence, to agree to sober up and actually do it). He is sober now for a year+.Plus well near the end of him being constantly drunk I had to do most of the household chores even when he couldn't/wouldn't get a job. It did leave some bit of bitterness at the time due to feeling like a butler, That bitterness is gone.&#x200B;Now for some info on him. He has suffered multiple concussions (He played Soccer), He was also a volunteer Firefighter (well he didn't exactly when sober, keep that knowledge and well a cardboard box caught fire. and filled the house with smoke). And he was an EMT. But you get the whole idea. &#x200B;But on to why I am here after a bit of how it all happened. Well I want to try and call him Dad (I did at first but stopped sense my mom pushed me into it before I was ready) and well try to build up a relationship. Problem is well we're almost polar opposites. I'm a hypochondriac, he won't even see a doctor if he can help it. He is more conservative (not fully but was raised by a 95% conservative parents hi dad still being alive.) (He is fine that I'm gay both are. My mom of course is.) where I'm more your actions define you. He is more of an outdoor person, I'm more indoor. He doesn't exactly understand mental medical problems (I have quite a few), I try to understand them and empathize, He's into sports and not a huge fan of talking while something is on T.V. - Me I can't help but talk about a show or comment when I pay attention and enjoy a show/movie along with me not being a huge fan of sports (more a Video Game Person). Where we have very little in common is my mom. the only other thing is honesty. I just want to know how I can start having a relationship with him.(My mental Medical Problems being Autism (Asperger's), BiPolar, OCD, ADHD/ADD. Also can't Visualize (Aphantasia).)Edit/P.S. 1: I have the emotional Maturity of a 13 year old people say. They Got married when I was 13. Am gonna ask my Therapist if due to all that has happened if I wasn't able to well mature emotionally.Edit 2: TBA (after I talk to my therapist)  Answers for FAQ:  1:  2:  3:  4:",Poor treatment by family members and fearful environments
wkx04b,10/08/2022,6,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/wkx04b/stepdad_advice/,step child,"This is really long, I'm sorry...thanks for people who make it through. So I guess to start things, I should mention that I realize my situation isn't as bad as some people's. I have a stable, safe home, my stepdad isn't abusive or terrible. I just really don't like him, and I don't really know what to do.



I'm a 16 y.o. guy and my dad was a police lieutenant who was murdered while on duty when I was 10. I know it sounds corny to say, but he was and is my hero. I totally realize that because he died when I was still a kid, I never really saw him as a person with flaws and stuff, but still to me he was this larger than life hero. Not only was he a cop, but he was really athletic. My favorite picture of us is him doing pushups with me on his back when I was like 7 or so. From what I remember he was also really loving. His family tells me all the time that he always said being my dad made him feel like he found his purpose in life.



Obviously my mom was devastated when he died, but she held life together for me. My whole family, but especially my uncle (my dad's younger brother) really stepped up and has been there for me since. Even my dad's old station buddies still drop in to make sure we're okay, and tell me all the time they're here for me. I guess the point is, I've been really lucky to have a massive support system. I tried to step up for my mom too. As soon as I was old enough, I started doing the yard work, I try to help her keep the house clean, and thanks to help from one of my dad's friends, I even helped but in some new Ring flood lights around the house.



At the same time, I realize I still have alot of unresolved issues about my dad's murder. I like to think I'm a good kid, I don't do drugs or vape, I get good grades, I'm on the lacrosse team and debate club, I try to use correct grammar, all that stuff. But I'm also so angry that my dad and the life I could have had with him was taken from me. Not like smash holes in the wall and yell at people angry, its just like this knot that stays in my throat all the time.



I guess this is the part where I get to the stepdad. My mom started dating him about three years ago, and I am legitimately happy for her. She's been through so much and has done so much for me she deserves to be in love and to be loved. At the same time, I want her to have a new husband, I don't want to have a new dad. I also don't want a new family. When they got engaged, he gave me the whole ""I don't want to replace your dad"" speech and we talked about how important my dad's family was to me and I thought he got my point of view. Fast forward to the wedding, and he made a big show about how he wanted to have a second round of vows where he promises to watchover and take care of me, etc. and my mom does the same for his kids (he has a son and daughter who are here on weekends). I was very adamant about not being in the wedding, not because I didn't support it but because I didn't want to have attention drawn to me. He got really pissy and passive aggressively said we could drop it. Situations like that have happened for the past two years. When we met, I introduced myself with my nickname (only my mom, uncle, grandmas, and one or two very close friends use my full name), but he keeps calling me my full name. I've even gotten to the point when he says my name, I correct him, then respond. My mom has talked to him about it, but he just says something like ""I just do it automatically because that's how I hear you refer to him.""



He also tried to mandate ""screen free family time"" on Saturday nights when his kids were over...as if three teenagers want nothing more than to spend their Saturday watching tv together. Even worse, its a ""democracy rules"" situation where his kids always vote for the same show..something I won't like..and he votes with them, so I would have to waste my night watching something I wouldn't otherwise. That went on for months before my mom finally let me duck out. Ever since my dad was murdered, my uncle and I have gone on trips to Universal Studios for Halloween, and last year my stepdad booked tickets for something else the weekend we were going, then acted all hurt and mumbled something like ""I just thought you'd want to do this instead, I hope the tickets are refundable."" Each time stuff like this happens I try desperately to be polite and not be rude, but to just say I don't want to do something. The only time I lost it was when I came back from a night at a friend's house and he had added photos to the digital frame in my room. The pictures on that frame are of me and my dad, and he had added a bunch of pictures of him, his kids, and trips we had taken as a combined group. I totally admit I lost it and acted unacceptably, but I felt so violated. All he could say was ""I figured you needed to freshen up the pictures with your more recent life.""



This past year has been especially bad. I came out when I turned sixteen and my mom and family have been amazingly supportive (my uncle and a few cousins are gay, so it's definitely in the family). My stepddad has also been supportive, but in a super awkward not really that supportive way. Once or twice he's said things like ""hey girlfriend,"" and last week when I was on SnapChat he totally asked if I was taking pictures for Grindr. That same week, my mom was out of town and I wanted to stay at a friend's house and he wasn't going to let me because it would be ""inappropriate for me to spend the night with a boy,"" even through my friend is straight. He's also implied that my relationship with my uncle is pervy by saying things like ""don't you think your friends think it's weird for you to spend so much time with your uncle? It'd be more normal for you and me to do some of this stuff."" Totally missing that my uncle has been there for me since I was 10.



I try to remind myself that he's probably insecure about the situation, or wants to have a closer relationship, but I just don't like the guy. Even worse the one or two times I've tried to go to him for advice, he was useless. For example, when I got my license I really wanted to learn how to change a tire incase it went flat. When I asked him if he could teach me, he literally gave me instructions on how to call AAA. When I called my dad's old work buddy, he acted all betrayed and hurt. I guess the TLDR is: I don't like my stepdad, he makes my life cringe, and I don't know what to do. Thanks for reading novel and for any comments.",Poor treatment by family members and fearful environments
11bqcdu,25/02/2023,7,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/11bqcdu/inheritance/,step child,"My step siblings get everything as it is. Because my brother and I live far away we get forgotten about, yet made to feel guilty if we ever forget significant events and its us that do the travelling. 



One of my step sisters has three kids. Her kids want for nothing from my stepmum. They even get weekly pocket money. My brother has kids that are not given the same treatment. Out of sight out of mind. She says she has depression and my stepmum does regular shopping runs, does her ironing and other chores. I am not against a mother helping her daughter out. If someone needs help they should have it. 



This is what I am against. When my parents separated my Mum ""bought my Dad out"". With this he bought his own place to live. When he met my stepmum she moved in and has lived there ever since. My Mum couldn't afford to really buy my Dad out so I got a job and helped her out for years with this. Eventually she became financially stable and moved out. 



My stepmum was talking about wills. It is highly likely with my Dad's health he will go first. We have already discussed that should anything happen to him my stepmum wouldn't get thrown out and would continue to live there. I am happy with this. It makes sense. It doesn't bother me. My step sisters new boyfriend made a joke about having the place when they pass away. No. Just no. I dont know you. This is my Dad's place. He paid for it. Even though I live further away I have visited my Dad more than they ever have. Why should they be entitled to it? 



I'm not a money orientated person really, but it grinds my gears that more than likely when my Dad passes away that my stepmums kids will get everything my family has worked for.",Poor treatment by family members and fearful environments
sxpxmw,21/02/2022,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/sxpxmw/my_moms_husband_makes_me_mad/,step child,"Tonight, I listened to my mom and her husband having an argument in their room. My mom was trying to tell him that he hurt her feelings earlier and he kept saying that none of it never happened. Idk what he said exactly bc I was inside and they were at the time. She called him a liar a few times, and like I said idk exactly what was said (something that made her feel like she should just do the dishes but idk what exactly) but that's all she called him. Just by going off the conversation and how he avoided telling her what he actually said when she asked him to, I think it's safe to say he is lying about something. What made me so ANGRY that I wanted to kick the door in and punch him in the face is that when she was repeating what had happened he said ""You're losing you're mind"" and ""You're fucking nuts"". He literally said that multiple times and I don't even want to be in the same house as him. When she wanted him to apologize for what he said ealier he said something along the lines of ""I'm sorry youre hurt because of what you thought i said"". I'm pretty sure she was saying how he admitted to saying whatever he said ealier but now he said he didnt say anything. Like, literally just say sorry for hurting your wifes feelings. I genuinely dont understand why he couldnt just apologize because to me all that needed to be said is that he hurt her feelings when he said xyz and then he apologizes for hurting her. She was literally crying and i felt so bad and idk what to do. I never really liked him but now I dont even want to look at him. Like he let his wife cry and was saying how she was making stuff up while she was crying when all he had to do was APOLOGIZE. Now even if what my mom said he said wasn't exactly correct he shoukd have still apologized bc whatever he said clearly hurt her and he should have NEVER EVER called her nuts or say shes losing her mind. He even tried to say her doctor put her on medication for her ""losing her mind"" which she responded that it's antidepressants bc of him. And they have fought before but this time seemed different for some reason. Someone help bc I don't think I can pretend like I'm not angry at him.",Poor treatment by family members and fearful environments
mvzdb6,22/04/2021,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/mvzdb6/21f_here_is_it_really_so_wrong_of_me_to/,step child,"Not sure if this is the appropriate flair. I guess it could be a partial vent but also looking for advice or some reassurance to my decision. 



If you’re not ready to buckle up for a wild ride then here’s a 



TLDR; Racist, homophobic, misogynistic stepdad who doesn’t do anything around the house and has a huge spending problem has now cheated on my mom. He’s played victim in every scenario at this point. Nothing is ever his fault, according to him. I’m tired of putting up with his bullshit ways and bearing witness to how poorly he treats his wife and family. Am I being too harsh in saying that I would like to cut ties and no longer want a relationship with him?







My parents divorced and both remarried within the same year when I was about 11.



My stepdad was really nice and an awesome person back then. He’s completely different now and over the years they’ve been together and I have lived with them he’s grown increasingly worse and my dislike for him has also increased.



This man has made COUNTLESS racist, homophobic, and misogynistic remarks over the years and I’ve bitten my tongue on MOST of them because I don’t feel like causing drama. Of course he’s a 37 year old white man in the military who loves Trump. 



I see a lot of hate in his heart. A LOT. Towards other people just because of who they are. But this doesn’t even take the cake. 



Nothing is ever his fault. He is so stubborn and blames anything that happens on my mom or someone else. He’s always playing the victim even though he literally is the reason for every issue in the household. He has a pissy attitude ALL THE TIME unless someone is sucking up to him, kissing his ass, and basically treating him like a king. He wakes up and comes home with an attitude every day and everyone is forced to just endure it.



My mom literally does EVERYTHING for the both of them. They have an 8 year old son together that she practically takes care of him by herself. He messes with him and plays around with him but literally in the most fucked up way. He will make dark humored ‘jokes’ to my little brother saying stuff like “I never wanted you” “we should’ve left you on the side of the road” or will even put a pillow over his face and say something fucked up like “shhh now I can get what I’ve always wanted”. My little brother laughs but more often than not he is laughing in a way where he sounds HURT and like he’s about to CRY. I don’t care if you’re fucking joking, THESE ARE NOT THINGS THAT YOU SAY TO YOUR CHILD?!



Anyways, he will make dinner every once in awhile but that’s about it. He gets pissed every time he has to do anything and acts like he’s the only one who does things around the house. My mom does dishes, cooks, grocery shops, takes care of my lil bro, picks him up and takes him to school every day, cleans the house, the list goes on. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this man pick up a broom or scour a bathroom. The most he will do is put his dirty, unrinsed plate straight into the dishwasher. Also leaves his trash EVERYWHERE. Never picks up after himself.



Let’s also include that he has a spending problem and wants so badly to act like he’s rich and can afford all these name brand, bougie items. My mom works way more than he does (bc when he’s not on mission he literally works from 9am to 11 am) and she also is the breadwinner of the house by almost double. Weeks ago she was crying to me that at this point she’s literally working all these hours just to try and keep up with his bills and spending habits. Every one of her checks was going to credit card payments that he racked up. She is 13 years older than my stepdad and has expressed many times that she does NOT want to work full time or even be in a position of power like she is right now. She’s a PTA but also the Rehab department director. Of course that management position was pushed onto her by her husband because he wanted her to make more money so he could spend more. Way to be the “man of the house” you so desperately want to be. 



There’s been times he put them in so much debt to where she went through nights not able to sleep. A few months ago he was being very persistent on buying her a PRADA purse. There’s a store in the mall we live next to and we had passed by it a few times while shopping there. She looked in the windows and told him repeatedly that she didn’t like any of those purses and that she’s fine with the Coach and MK purses she has already. She legitimately did NOT like any of the styles of the PRADA purses, wasn’t even about the insane price, but that wasn’t an acceptable answer. So finally she made a comment that there was ONE purse that looked OKAY. But again, they don’t have the money nor did she want to spend that kind of money on a purse she ~kind of liked~. Few weeks later we went back to the mall to grab dinner and me and her decided to take a peek in the VS store because they had a sale on spray hand sanitizers. Come back out and he had went and purchased the purse she said she kind of liked. $3000 just like that, racked up on the credit card. She asked him to take it back and he said there’s no returns and was getting pissed at her. 



She didn’t wear it for the longest time and was also not sleeping for the next few days because she was so stressed about bills and money. But of course he doesn’t care, all he cared about was that he wanted to be bougie and spend $3k on a PRADA purse to make his wife look expensive. Who gives a shit if she actually wanted the purse or not, right? That was a gift for HIM, not my mom. 



I could literally speak forever about all the things he does wrong - but what happened 2 nights ago was the last straw for me.



After being on a mission in Vietnam for 2 months with barely any contact with my mother (even when he was able to call her or text her), he comes home and is acting VERY distant. He didn’t let us go pick him up, he never told us what time he was coming home, all we knew was the day. He walked in on Sunday morning at 8 am. Monday night he claims he wants to go to a friends house for a few hours because his friend is leaving in a week. Leaves around 6:30 after literally just being in an argument with my mom because she’s trying to figure out why he already is leaving to go somewhere else when he hasn’t even been home for 36 hrs. He always keeps his friends and social life separate from her too so there’s no surprise as to why he had no intention of bringing her. But nonetheless, she was hurt that he already wanted to leave his family for a night when he JUST got home.



My dad cheated on my mom and left her for another woman. She’s been through this shit before and knows all the signs. She knew something was up because of the way he was acting. After the argument he left and she ended up sending him a text explaining her feelings and just trying to communicate with him. No response. Sends him maybe 5 more texts. Nothing. Calls him OVER 10 times. Nothing.



He has a iPhone and an Apple Watch, there’s no way he wasn’t seeing her calls. So she hopped onto the computer and was trying to login to his text messages and see if she can find anything fishy - cuz that’s another thing. He never lets ANYONE have his phone and is always very secretive. God forbid mom even tries to pick up his phone he will find an excuse to get it out of her hand. 



Anyways, she ended up doing some wizard shit and got his location from find my iPhone. He was not where he said he was going to be. Surprise, surprise. So I found the exact location on my phone and sent her the pin. This was about 9:20 at night now. She hopped in the car and went to the house. It was some chicks house and he was there. 



He claimed that they didn’t have sex and that it was moms fault because apparently he got calls while in Vietnam from a divorce lawyer asking him about his divorce with my mother. It most definitely was not her and while we don’t really know how he ended up getting those calls (scam?), but instead of BRINGING IT UP to her, he chose to never say anything about it and come home and cheat on her within 36 hours of arrival.



This girl was some chick he met at the fucking Apple Store right after Christmas when he went to buy himself new headphones and a fancy charger because clearly what my mom got him for Christmas just wasn’t enough and he needed more. He claims he told her he was married but obviously that didn’t stop them from exchanging emails and speaking to each other for over 4 months. According to him Monday night was the first time he ever went to see that girl. 



He’s always treated my mom like shit and has ALWAYS had a wandering eye. I have reason to believe this probably isn’t the first time he’s cheated on her. 



Anyways she ends up letting him sleep in the same bed as her that SAME night and they went to therapy the next day and are acting like everything is fine now. I wish she wouldn’t stay with him but it’s her choice and she has a son and is also religious so I am trying to respect her decision.



However, I cannot fake liking my stepdad anymore. This was the last straw for me and I no longer have any interest in having a relationship with him. I know this will hurt my mom and it hurts me because we have a really good relationship with each other and I do think me not being approving of my stepdad will hinder that relationship I have with my mother.



Knowing all of this, am I being too hard? I really do not want to forgive him and I don’t think I could ever be on good terms with him again. He’s been way too fucking shitty to my mom and my little brother for way too long. There’s only so many excuses for his bad decisions.",Poor treatment by family members and fearful environments
qo6xma,06/11/2021,16,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/qo6xma/my_mom_wants_me_to_call_her_boyfriend_uncle/,step child,"We have been having an argument about this and ive repeatedly said that calling people by their first name is fine, and that i don't see why i should be calling them aunty or uncle. She then got heavily offended by it and said that i was being disrespectful towards my culture, which in my opinion made no sense. After all that i referred to my moms boyfriend by his name, and she looked shocked. I said that he wasn't my dad nor someone who is related to me and that i saw no reason for me to not call him by his first name, she still said i was being disrespectful even though he seems to have no problem with it.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
yq03jp,08/11/2022,8,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/yq03jp/i_just_let_loose_on_my_moms_boyfriend_and_i_dont/,step child,"My mom is babysitting her friend's son today. The boy is quite young and has a mental disability, so he takes a while to pick up on things. He didn't clean his mess in the bathroom, and my mom's boyfriend screamed at him. He started going off about the kid, and I told him to leave the kid alone. He then replied, ""Don't talk to me kid, because I'm tired of your sh\*t as well."" 



It's at this point that I went buck wild. I just let loose and screamed at him. I literally could not control it, and I got all of that bent-up aggression and frustration out at him. I don't remember what I said, I don't remember what he said, I just remember feeling a rush of adrenaline while being numb and then blasting off. I feel bad, mostly because I don't like being rude/yelling at people. But at the same time, I know what I said was the truth. I know that he deserved what I said. My mom even told him after I cooled down, ""I told you he was going to get sick of your crap."" I have this weird sensation where it feels like I've used all of my body's reserved energy. I want to say sorry, but I don't feel like he deserves it. The guy is a royal douche canoe, and he treats everyone like garbage. I drew the line once he started yelling at the little boy, and now I don't know what to do. I told myself to hold on a bit longer. He's moving out soon (\~12 months), and my mom has forced him to give me rides to college since we're giving him somewhere to stay. I've constantly told myself, ""Don't bite the hand that feeds you, don't bite the hand that feeds you."" 



Suffice to say, I bit him. I put him in his place, but I don't feel ""good."" I don't have a ride to college, but at least he knows how I feel. What should I do from here on out?","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
pducms,29/08/2021,9,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/pducms/all_for_a_open_toilet_seat/,step child,"So, my (19F) mother's (56F) husband (almost 60M) is a control freak and a neat freak. Everything has to be how he wants it and clean how he wants it. I, of course, am the complete opposite and can stand the fact that my mother let him talk to me in a disrespectful way. I think he acts like this because he doesn't feel accepted by me, but he is, he doesn't accept himself being here. 

I just don't get why he's so stuck up and can't tone down a little his personality like I did for my mom's sake. 



A particular thing he wants is that the toilet seat has to be closed and doesn't accept the fact that I don't care if it's open or closed. Every time he finds the toilet seat open, he assumes it's my fault and he  exclaimes ""the toilet seat is open"" and I respond ""yeah, close it when you are done"". 

Yesterday, I didn't close the toilet for the first time, and he said what he said and I just sighed. I said"" then close it when you are done"". He was starting his rant on me, mom said ""oh, stop it, you are repeating yourself"". 



Since yesterday he almost didn't say a word to me. Fine to me, but he's really childish. 



Thank you for your attention","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
l46axk,24/01/2021,11,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/l46axk/i_dont_know_how_to_deal_with_him_anymore/,step child,"I'm 15. A fifteen year old girl. I have a stepdad. When he was introduced to the family. He was pretty ok, pretty nice and stuff. Then he started trying to be a disciplinarian, which included shouting at the top of his lungs at me, threatening to beat me, etc. (but he never does so don't worry) He only does this when he's angry. But I already get beaten on the occasion by my mom anyway, which, to be fair is ok because I'm not the best kid. Whenever I feel I deserve it I let her beat me whenever I don't I put my arms up or push her away. One time when my mom left me to his care, he feigned hitting me and it activated something in me I didn't know I had, I literally just screamed and started beating at his chest, not too hard. When I got back to my room I was shaking. said I ""smacked his chest"". Well, he mentioned it to my mom. But anyway, I don't know how to deal anymore. I used to be affectionate with him and enjoyed his affection, but he started doing this more often and now I feel completely neutral about him unless he raises his voice or changes his tone, to which then I proceed to do so as well. But he is also kind. But its hard to accept his affection. It feels wrong. I can't do it anymore. So I just ignore him or reply with the bare minimum. I don't know. Help?","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
i1edhf,31/07/2020,9,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/i1edhf/my_step_mom_is_crazy/,step child,"Ok so I'm with my father and his girlfriend for the next couple days , .



So I was just chilling in my room when not even 20 mins ago , she told me to make my bed or she'd take it away cause she hates seeing it unmade.



I'm here probably 4 or 6 days a month ago most . I want to tell her to close my damn door if it bothers her so much or make it herself If she has a problem with it .



Like it's my room for frick sake not hers . Along with that is she is a complete control freak sometimes and gets into fights with my dad over the stupidest things like a parking spot or that I got my dad a drink and myself ice cream before she arrived at an event we attended. 



I use to like her but after my paternal grandmother moved out because of her , let me tell you she is just  a complete nutjob","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
x0q0iw,29/08/2022,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/x0q0iw/my_stepmom_drives_me_crazy/,step child,"Backstory: this is my dad's third wife. They dated in high school and got back together about 20 years ago. I was about 28 when they got married. I am now 48. My dad now has Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, abyss a host of many other illnesses and is in assisted living. He's 74. They live three hours north of me. 



This woman can be pushy. ""You should try this, you should try that."" She uses guilt like a weapon. Even my own mother doesn't do that. I love my dad but his wife always makes me anxious, wondering what I'm going to do next to offend her. 



She called yesterday. Twice. So I know it was a big deal. She left voicemails. But my phone never gave me notifications, for the calls or the VM. I got the VM last night around 12:30a. My dad is in there hospital and he's not responding and the doctors say the prognosis isn't good. I knew she was going to be pissed that I didn't answer AND I didn't call back right away but I didn't want to call back so late. 



Let me just say that I love my dad, but he's not the dad I remember. It kills me to see him like this. He has non-sensical conversations, thinks he's on the moon one second and at work the next second. And if he gets some fact wrong, my step-mom will correct him, which seems to make him feel like an idiot. It drives me nuts. I also don't like visiting alone because I just don't know what to say to him. It's just an overall crappy situation. 



I called her back this morning at 8:30. She answers the phone like, ""huh?"" I say hello she says, ""I'm at the hospital,"" in this pissed off voice. ""I'm trying to feed your father so I'll have to call you back.""



I ask, ""what is going on?""



""Well, I've been trying to call you since the day before yesterday.""



""No, I just got two VM from YESTERDAY that my phone never registered. I'm sorry I'm just calling back now.""



""Well, I also texted you via Facebook and What's App.""



""I checked those and I don't have anything from you.""



""Well, I have to go. I'll call you later.""



""Yes, call me later.""



And she hangs up. 



Seriously?? I hate that this woman is the gatekeeper of my father. She never texted me. She only called me yesterday. She's trying to make it seem like she did more to make me look like a jerk. 



I just needed to rant.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
xyzmqz,08/10/2022,6,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/xyzmqz/help_i_am_a_mini_wife_the_key_is_simply/,step child,"I'm gonna jump right in...see, as there was no Mom in our household, I, being in the oldest daughter, automatically rose in the hierarchy, moving up to the position of Mom. My Dad would become angry and frustrated easily from the stress of raising us, so I tried from as early as I can remember to be as responsible as possible to not cause him further unhappiness. I hated to see him sad and overwhelmed, so I tried to be helpful instead. I also felt responsible for my little brother and giving him a Mom. So I grew up in that role, trying to replace my late mother and feeling very proud and selfless about it, actually. I always just assumed that it would always be this way – that if this was our lot in life, I would readily step up to it and that for the burden of having to grow up fast, I would get to enjoy my father’s admiration and undivided attention.



So, then he got himself a new wife. They pushed for adoption of us kids. And my life in hell began.



Because I felt so *humiliated*. Here I was, having willingly and proudly sacrificed my childhood because the situation freaking *required* it, - no way was I gonna let my family go down - and no I was not recognized or thanked or treated as appropriate because all of a sudden, my Dad got himself a stranger who apparently could do it better just because she was an actual adult. If she had been a hired nanny or something, that would have been an entirely different story because woman would have gotten paid to take care of us and wouldn’t have disturbed our family. But like this? *I knew very well that I was way too young for it, yet I did the work*, I would have continued to learn all the necessary things as fast as possible and do the thing without complaining. Only to be replaced and completely passed over by my Dad who made me feel so incredibly stupid for thinking I could fill that void at 5-6 years old. But the fact remains that I did not make this up...!???? There HAD BEEN a void for some time that HAD needed filling. For some time, I had NEEDED to step up. And to belittle me so for bravely taking on that role and pushing me back into the bratty child dynamic when I had literally tried to save us...??? Made me feel utterly worthless tbh.



And so the competition started. Yes I was rivaling my stepmother. My Dad didn’t tolerate it, in fact he grew very uncomfortable when I tried to seek closeness to him. But the thing is, I was never formally exonerated from my duty as instant-Mom. See, a wedding is kind of a formal declaration that a man or a woman are no longer single. They talk about it, they express it in law and in symbolism and in affection. They make that conscious decision together. But no one kinda ever told *me* that I could stop being the instant-Mom now. That I was officially released from the burden. That I could be a child again. (Which I never identified as btw. Someone would have had to deliberately and graciously teach me what that even meant!) And so the roles got entirely reversed: Not only did I keep acting responsible for my Dad, I now legit thought I was responsible for my SM and HER kids and for making THEM happy too!!!



I see a lot of the threads around this topic being unbelievably harsh on the child’s behavior. Like the kid is snobbish and arrogant and needs to be pushed back into their role as child by force. Welp, that didn’t work on me... because all it made me feel was shame, and anger, and bitterness and invisibility and unwantedness for my honest efforts to help this family through our loss. And so I felt the urge to prove them wrong and be a better adult than the actual adult.



I...would have liked some form of recognition. Not even by my BD, but rather by the new SM. Someone telling me “Thank You for getting your family through at an age where no one should have to be doing this.” Something like “I know you were so, so brave and so, so strong. But baby, you can let go of that burden now. You can release it, because I, the Stepmom, am now here to do it, and you can relax because I will take care of you, too.”



I would have needed her to show me what that actual release meant and looked like. That I was not forced to be the stupid kid (which insulted and betrayed the sense of love, duty, and the sensibility I had shown), but *allowed* to let go and relax. I would have needed someone to give me grace at being irresponsible again.



Tbh I don’t really know how to let go of it now, because I couldn’t actually be a kid anymore even if I was allowed to. I’m 25. I’m stuck wanting to be a kid yet never getting the chance for that ever again. My SM and I are rivals, I wish it could have been different. Please, if you’re a stepparent, help your stepkid by telling them Thank You and that they may drop the act now. We really want you to be the adult and we need it so badly. We just got stuck in survival mode and then got punished for it. So we hold on to the position and we strike back.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
11o8s6i,11/03/2023,12,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/11o8s6i/need_help_salvaging_relationship_with_step_dad/,step child,"This post wasn't accepted to the step-parent sub so posting here instead. This will also be long because this is also a rant. I'm a stepson, and my step dad and I do not see eye to eye. We have argued with each other several times. I have never shouted at him but he has shouted at me on several occasions. Currently things are uneasy. We aren't openly hostile but I can feel the tension whenever we speak, and my mother tells me he does too. We try to feign pleasantness with each other. For example, he cooks breakfast often and dinner as well, and I always make sure to complement him, but in the mornings I don't even want to leave my room in fear of talking to him even when I need to get ready for school, and at night if he's in the kitchen where he'll see me leave my room I will stay until I hear their bedroom door close even if I desperately need to use the bathroom, need a drink, etc. He has never hit me but he is from Texas and very stubborn and opinionated and has a history of violence with his former step-parents, so I'm scared to push him.



I have a horrendous reputation with my bio-dad. We haven't spoken in years. That bridge is burned, and involved court. I will not speak to him ever again, and my family agrees with that decision. There was physical violence involved with me and my mother, so he is genuinely gone from my life. But because of that, it's impacting my relationship with my step dad and I feel so fucking terrible for it. He knows what happened with my bio-dad and tries to empathize, but everytime I hear his voice in the other room I get scared thinking about interacting with him and it's the worst thing in the world because I know he wants a family. He's 40 years old and my mother (who I love dearly) is 39. He has never had kids and is trying to learn how to parent. He tries to go do things with us but I always try to wriggle out of it and feel like such an entitled brat because I enjoy when he's not around and feel like I can breathe. My mother knows and agrees that he's very hard to talk to, and even HIS own mother said he's bad with communication and family relationships. But I'm 17 and I feel like I have to be man enough to love him but I don't know how. My dad and I never did stuff even when we were ""good"" and it doesn't feel right when I interact with my step dad because of that. But I have to change this because I know he absolutely hates it when he does nice things for us but we won't love him back. I know this. And I hate that part of myself. That takes all the good things he does for us and shuns him and shuts him out in return. I hate myself for it.



I recently started reading some of your guy's experiences as step-parents on the step-parent sub. I've been reading how you feel about your stepchildren and what they do. I don't get violent with him like I've read in some of these stories, but from what I'm reading I'm ticking all the boxes for entitled brat and I want to change our relationship. And this is the part where I ask you for help.



What do you want from your step-children as a step parent? What can they do that will tell you they love you? I don't want to move out at 18 and constantly be thinking about my step-dad in the worst way and hate talking with him. I want to salvage this relationship and bond with each other but I don't know how, so please help me understand how you want your step-children to interact with you. Anything is appreciated because I feel like I don't know how to communicate or interact with father figures. Thank you.



This is a burner account because of how personal this is to me.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
quccqi,15/11/2021,10,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/quccqi/should_basic_necessities_be_expected_from_step/,step child,"So basically I’ve been living with my stepmother (52F) as well as my father (51M) together for about 4 or 5 months now.  They got married about a month and a half ago. Though the constant shit I got from the lady started the first week we moved into the new house together.  Lately however, it’s gotten somehow worse. I always get told I treat her with “zero respect”, despite me never picking fights with her and keeping to myself. She is always the one picking fights with me 24/7. Not that long ago I was getting picked up by my aunt to go somewhere, when I was extremely late. A ran out of the door and didn’t realize I didn’t close it. This would be an issue if my stepmother wasn’t doing something 3 feet away from the fucking door and saw me leave. She complained nonstop over text for an hour, in a group chat, to father and I about it, to which she kept personally insulting me as apposed to providing anything useful.   She ignored me after this incident for about three weeks. Would not speak to me with the exception of messaging me chores to do over text in the aforementioned groupchat. Though there was one other exception. 2 days after the incident, she, when I tried joining a conversation with her and my father said, “*insert my name*, no one cares about your opinion!*” and stomped away.

It is not like I am an insanely troublesome child. I clean all communal areas to the best of my ability as soon as I can. The only troublesome thing would be expecting logic and consistency when trying to lecture me. 



Lately I have been bothered by my father and stepmother 24/7, with the only ever argument being that “she pays half the bills”. I am told to do her favors and clean up after her minor hiccups (despite her never in a million years giving me the same pleasure). If I ever expected such a thing of her, I would never get a break.  Maybe potentially kicked out (though that might be a tad of a stretch). She treats me extremely rudely out of nowhere very often, and when I react negatively towards her, I get told “She pays half the bills”. Every time she does anything inexcusable as a step-parent it’s always “But she pays half of the bills”. It’s not like she is actually nice at heart, she has hated me for the longest time. She complained about me to her family over the phone every night for months straight in front of me.  Today she complained about the way I sit, to which I explained that every reason that she had that I wasn’t allowed to sit the way I wished to, was fully resolved (as we now had a carpet under the table and I switched seats). So my father interjected, saying “We just both care and are trying to prepare you for when you are an adult.” Then my stepmother said “No, I don’t care.  I care about her being disrespectful when she is sitting and having dinner with me at the table.  I never talk to her almost ever outside of sitting at dinner, so no I don’t care.” She continued, “Also she was constantly disrespectful at an gathering when she kept having her feet up on the chair despite the comments to me from my mother, brothers, my sisters and law and etc.” then she said to me “It’s like you don’t give a shit!” I honestly don’t understand why I should have. Quite frankly I think that she gave me a worse impression than I ever gave her. Honestly I think her need to appease her family to that extent expresses some kind of self-esteem issue, considering I “embarrass her so much”. So I replied to her “You’re right, I don’t.  Though I am glad you were at the very least being honest.” Call me immature, but at least a minimum amount of respect is expected from authority figures. Afterword I received a lecture about how I shouldn’t have done that because I am a direct embarrassment to her at gatherings. Then they brought up how she pays half the bills again and how she pays for food.



Is this behavior expected from stepparents? It’s not like I am 18, I am simply 15. Neither are they struggling to make ends meet. Hell, my father makes six figures and my stepmother is close to being able to retire.  She monitors me 24/7 and reports everything I do to my father because she works at home and goes on a tirade about every minor thing I ever do.

Should this be expected of a stepparent who is biologically in no way related to you whatsoever (and only associates with you because they’re screwing your father *cough* *cough*)?","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
zphxc0,19/12/2022,7,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/zphxc0/need_help_manage_this_situation_with_my_stepmother/,step child,"Recently I've been trying to make plans to see my stepmother, the problem is when she makes plans with me she doesn't let me know what time until the day/night before or on the day and if they are cancelled its the same situation.



The most recent occasion she asked (4/5 days before my dad birthday) to come round in the morning with my dad on his birthday, i said yes and asked her what time, she didn't message me back about it until the night before saying my dad will call me and let me know in the morning. I had already spoken to him that day and he wasn't very well so i was frustrated she didnt just tell me then that they weren't coming. When i spoke to my dad he didnt even mention it, just that he wasnt well, he didnt even know she had planned for them to come over.



After this I decided I needed some time to myself before talking to her about it (I struggle to talk properly when I'm angry). She kept messaging me about how I'm being off with her but I didn't feel it was right to talk about it on his birthday and this weekend they have been away, so again I didn't want to mention it but she message me again. I told messaged her back explaining what was wrong and how it made me feel. She responded asking me when this happened and that it has to be weeks ago because I've been off with her since, that doesn't want to argue with me and is upset that I feel like I can't trust her not to let me down,  that it's unfair after everything we've been through (along with much more).



I'm so angry that she isn't even a little bit understanding and I feel like I'm being guilt tripped for telling her what she had done and  made me feel, what do I do?","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
qyyiia,21/11/2021,7,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/qyyiia/i_need_an_opinion_from_at_least_one_step_parent/,step child,"A little knowledge about me. I abide by almost all words and teachings from adults, no I've not strayed at all

 I am 14 years old so you may or may not think of me as a mindless teenager but I am truthfully affected and mostly hurt by the curcumstances I'm facing at this point. 



My step mother disregards my grandpa, imagining his room being used as my father's office when he passes on. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive about it but i feel like it's so disrespectful, at the expense of his life. Mind you, I am not someone who snitch. And even if I do, I don't think my father will take my word for it lol. 



I don't think she regards me as her daughter. Never once has she addressed me as her daughter even when I call her mom. I've always been referred to as my father's daughter. Moreover, she tells everyone about how much she loves me so much so that she doesn't want a child of her own. However, I can't help but think that I'm just a cover-up, a pawn. Why? Because she dislikes kids, and probably enjoys her free time more, risking her life for a child she doesn't even want is just another add-on. But my point being, she's using me as her emergency plan.

She tells me all about how she could live a long life with me to support her, being the only reason she invests time and money in me. Quoting, ""What else could I use you for?"" It is so painful to know that your father found a mother figure only for you to be used by for her own reasons. 



She talks about marrying my father in front of me. (Yes, I called her mom even before the marriage and I'll explain it later) kissing in front of me, there stood my step mother and my father. Without a care in the world what the child of the other marriage thinks. You have no idea how painful it is to see them so happy as you suffer.



She's an emergency find by my father. I grew up without a mother figure. I was 5-7 so you can imagine how confusing it is for a little girl. I got pressured into calling her mom for 2 years by all my relatives. Quickly, the 6 year old girl met in a dilemma. Being treated soo well by this aunt. The first impression. Soon met with my birth mother, she said she'd give up on me if I did call her my mom. Soon enough I did, only because I felt stressed out that everyone couldn't relax aboit the situation. I cried so hard realising that I would never have the chance to meet my biological mother ever again. I am regretting it till this day. 



Back on to my step mother..



She hates me communicating with my father (probably) glaring at me when she comes home to find me and my father laughing at silly videos. Quickly excuses me to go clean trash and talks to my father. For at least an hour, (around 11pm so i had to go sleep anyways) I have no intention to drive them apart but it felt as if she's creating a wedge between my father and I. She never engages in conversation where I tell her about my day but I have to listen to her complains.



She treats everything with me like a competition. She's the reason I never wear dresses and skirts. Always jeans or sports shorts, baggy shirts and never trying out hairstyles. She is short and more on the chubby side so she's weight concious. Even a baking competition and she lets me eat all the cookies once done, we don't share it because she's on a diet. To the point where I'm jokingly saying that I'd like a rich man to take care of me and she ridicules the way I look. I do not think that I look unattractive at all and I'm quite confident in many things I do. She always tells me ""your face is so ugly, who would even want to marry you."" Of course, I am not very insecure about something I don't even care about but it still hurts coming from a mother figure.



Threatening to leave the house when engaging in an arguement with me over a small pile of clothes and some books on the floor. Trashes my entire room, the one I spent so much time on to align even all the books into a straight line. Of course, when she leaves, my father would blame me for it. To the point I'm starting to question if I loved my father anymore.



With all that said, I feel like it's probably my fault. I am after all the defect in the family and countless of times I've been told that my opinions were one of the teen phases. That I should just forget about it. But since I can't I'm turning to the internet for help, perhaps to even humble myself since up til now all I did was complain and saw nothing but the selfish side of a step parent. 



Please help me out! I need opinions on my thoughts. It's been haunting me for 9, nearing 10 years","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
12f54qi,08/04/2023,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/12f54qi/my_mum_wont_break_up_with_my_stepdad/,step child,"a few things to mention before i explain anything:



- my dad died three years ago in early 2020 (not due to covid)



- my mum isnt married to my stepdad, but they are in a serious relationship so i will be referring to him as such



- my mum, stepdad (and dad) are all polyamorous and my mum goes on various dates with other people (i dont mind this)



- my mum was in a relationship with stepdad while my dad was still alive



- i found out about my parents’ polyamory when i was 12 and never had an issue before this



- stepdad has a son (7M) whos mum died a year ago



- we only live together on weekends in a shared house





i (15F) am sick of my mum (50F) arguing with her partner (59M). they have been primary partners ever since my dad died and everything was chill for maybe a year. but as my stepdad got more and more involved in our lives they started to fight more and more often. 



its gotten to the point where i usually hear them screaming at eachother one a week. its usually just yelling but my mum has thrown a wine glass at him once before. 



in the past, my mum has told me that shes ended it with him and that she doesnt think it’ll work out between them but a few days later theyre usually back together again and fighting the next weekend. 



this weekend, one of stepdads coworkers was invited over. apparently they discussed that she would come over at some point but it was never established when and for how long. she showed up out of nowhere last night saying she would stay the night and neither my mum nor my stepdad had any idea she would do this. she was later asked to leave and another massive fight was started.



im so fucking sick of them yelling at eachother any chance they get and im worried for my stepbrother and how this will affect him.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
olo6ve,16/07/2021,11,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/olo6ve/idk_how_to_title_this_i_just_need_to_vent_ab/,step child,"So my sister got her phone taken away because she was on it at 12am after being warned twice before not to. That is not my issue here. The problem is the “punishment” my stepmom set my sister to give her a chance to “earn” her wifi back (she got her phone but she was blocked from the WiFi completely, computer and all).



To get her wifi privileges back, my sister has to write lines. Actually write lines. 50 times, “I will not abuse my privileges”, and then she has to bring the paper(s) to my stepmom. As if we’re misbehaving boarding school students from 1990’s England. All in all it’s a very lax punishment, barely one at all, but the sheer humiliation that would come with doing it is enough to get me angry on my sister’s behalf (she doesn’t seem to care much, but I think that’s just because she knows that arguing in any way will get her WiFi blocked permanently… at least, until we go back to our mom’s house for the rest of the summer). Writing lines. Are you kidding me? Because she was on her phone at 12am? I’ve been caught staying up until 3am before and the most I had to do was leave my phone in the living room before I went to bed. Jesus Christ.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
q2mxog,06/10/2021,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/q2mxog/update_stepdad_being_released_from_prison_in_7/,step child,"(I don't use reddit very often so i don't know how to link my previous post / context, sorry)





So me and my mom have had a couple conversations and a couple arguments and she said that they'll just get their own place to hang out instead of having him live with us. Which is great but i don't completely trust her word. She says that he'll have to stay here for a day or two until he finds a place he could stay which i can bear. 



My sister will be staying with her friend for the duration he's here and i'm not too sure if i should stay with someone else too because i'm too worried about myself but my sister may see it as a sort of betrayal? i don't know.



But their relationship seems to have been really rocky lately so i have my hopes up. 



Essentially it feels like a game of chance here. 



Me and sister agreed that we'd live with our respective friends ( we go to different high schools and each friend live really close to our own school) and we'd visit each other often.   



Hopefully they end their relationship and gets out of our lives.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
pc2c13,26/08/2021,11,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/pc2c13/my_stepmom_find_excuses_for_everybody_and_im/,step child,"So little back story: my dad remarried (after his marriage with my mom ended) with my now step-mom (SM) because she had my little sister when I was 7-8 y/o. She already had a boy, who would always pick on me, but she protected from anything.



On to the story. So I was at lunch on a Sunday with my dad's side of the family, and we were chatting. We then start talking about old people and expecially my mom's mother who, for your info, is a tattler and says really hurtful things that she knows it will mess with my insecurities (for example she told me I have gained weight on my birthday, which I didn't and I confronted her about it). I told them that. SM's responded with ""well, I don't think she meant it to hurt you"". i told her that my grandmother knew of my insecurity and deliberately tried to hurt me. ""Again, i don't think she meant it"". In that moment I had it. I said ""don't you think that she meant not to hurt me, she wouldn't ask in the first place, and also tried to convince me I gained weight? If you excuse me, I have to leave the table"". And I left. My dad tried to excuse her behaviour, to no success. This was strike 1.



2 month later she broke her arm falling from the stairs and the doctor said she couldn't move her arm whatsoever. That meant that my sad and sister had to do whatever she wanted them to do. After she took her cast off, she couldn' t still move how she wanted. One day, my dad asked her to remove the mosquito net so me and him could put a table outside on the balcony. She couldn't, because ""my arm is still too weak to do such movements"" and , to be honest, she was right, a 100%, it was better for her not to do that. But when I got downstairs I saw her carrying one of the two hard wood  drawers of that table. So I said ""Damn, SM, you couldn't remove the mosquito net, but you are doing this? Wow"" 

And then she sputtered saying that she can this type of movement and whatnot. Then I hear her saying  ""she treats me bad,  why is she like that?"" To my dad,her cousin and my grandpa. My dad then on the ride home said she really loves me and treats me like her own child. I said "" she's no different from my mom's mom, she talks behind my back and is an hypocrite"". My dad denied this, but I think he feels the same way somedays. From that day on we don't talk much and she became cold with me, but I was just telling what I felt and I shrug thinking of her behaviour or her in general.



Thanks for your attention","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
up611n,14/05/2022,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/up611n/aita_for_telling_my_stepdad_to_stop_yelling/,step child,"I (M15) AM grounded for the being and my whole family has a lot of stress since we are moving. But My stepdad (M45) is really being hard on me like he will say rude comments and just try to get in a arguement with me. I have heard the same from my dad who left 2 years ago and I am happy that he is gone but I feel like it's getting worse with my stepdad. Well a couple days ago he was yelling at his daughter I act like she is my sister since I have been with her since she was born. It was about her homework and I said I would deal with it and he should stop yelling. He freaks out and says ""I don't need you lecturing me on how I shouldn't raise my voice in front of my kids."" I am telling him to just stop yelling then. and he tells me to go to my room. I am glad and I leave and he still yells something at me. AITA???","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
10uz7xv,06/02/2023,0,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/10uz7xv/step_dad_screams_a_slur/,step child,"before i start- we are all white.



&#x200B;



this happened a while ago so some details may be fuzzy, but this is what i remember of this day.



&#x200B;



background context: me and my twin brother show affection to each other by being mean. it has no ill intent, and both of us are fine with it.



&#x200B;



anyway, this all started after me and my brother got a zombie game called daymare from gamestop, and went home to play it. we were sitting on the couch with them and we ask them to go upstairs, for two reasons. we wanted to play it alone and it would be awkward if they were there, and we were going to swear. i know that isnt really serious, but they've asked us not to swear around them, so we just we following those rules. it was a zombie game and we are teenagers, if we get jumpscared, we were going to swear.



also they werent doing anything but screwing around on their phones, they could do that upstairs.



they both get pissed, and then they change their old sentence to say that we cant swear at all (we are teenagers, again. we are going to swear.). our step dad threatens to take our phones and attempts to act like a father figure for a few minutes (we are uncomfortable with this kind of behavior because neither of us like him, and we were abused by our father.) and then he gets pissed that his threat isnt working and he also thinks im mocking him and making fun of him.



&#x200B;



off topic, but the reason he thought i was mocking him was because i was making a really weird face. like. what the hell was wrong with me in that moment?? jesus christ i looked like i stubbed my toe. i think i was doing that because he attempted to be a father figure? idk



&#x200B;



something else happens, and he runs over to the topic that... me and my brother hate each other!!  we dont, and from what ive seen, we get along way better then other siblings. fuck, are you guys trying to kill each other or something? what the hell did they do to you LMFAO



but he thinks we dont like each other because we ""arent kind to each other"". he thinks that being mean and swearing at each other isnt a form of affection, because ""its mean!"".



&#x200B;



he then says something like ""what if i called your mother a whore?"" IT DEPENDS



is that how you two joke with each other? or are you just being mean?



&#x200B;



somehow, the topic goes back to swearing, and while my brother, him, and our mom were arguing (i was still making that damn face and nearly dying, dont know what he hell was wrong with me, felt like i couldnt breath.), he screamed out the n word. everyone goes fucking SILENT. nobody says anything, nobody moves, all eyes are on his stupid ass.



&#x200B;



and then all hell breaks lose again, my brother is yelling at him for saying that kinda shit, im losing my damn marbles (not funny, but it was so confusing to me so i just laughed, thats my response for things idk why) step dads trying to defend himself by saying all swears are slurs while actively swearing, and my mother is DEFENDING HIM. he is right beside her, proving how stupid he is, and she is on his side.



&#x200B;



anyway they both go upstairs after a bit, and me and by twin play the game, a bit confused. anyway it has not been mentioned once by them. but is has become an inside joke with me and my brother (""if you dont get outside fast enough, hes gonna scream the n word!"" etc)



&#x200B;



this is just something i thought id post, because jesus christ.



&#x200B;



also sorry if this is formatted weird or if there are any mistakes, im doing this on my computer and normally im a stinky mobile user.



AND. just incase, if any youtubers/tiktokers/etc find this, DO NOT POST IT. dont even touch this thing or i will shove every letter here up your ass.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
v5oz1c,05/06/2022,7,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/v5oz1c/my_stepmom/,step child,"I have a stepmother who has been my stepmother for about 8 years. Whenever we first met she was cool. Then when she moved in she started treating me like shit. I would always get in trouble for stuff HER daughter did. I would always go visit my mom when I was younger. My mother smoked cigarettes. When my stepmom found out about this, when I got back from visiting she started asking questions as if it was an interrogation. This happened more than once. I was 7 at the time. She would always create drama that wasn’t needed and would get me in trouble with my dad. Overtime she changed, or so I thought. A few years ago behind my back she said something hurtful that I will never forgive her for. I told her I knew and she apologized but the damage was already done. It made me wonder what else has she said about me. She is very different now but, I still find it hard to trust her. I love her and I feel like I can call her mom, but the trust isn’t there. I want to move on and be able to trust her, but I just can’t. I also feel different from all her other kids. I hate this feeling.  I just wanna feel like I can trust her and have a good mother-daughter relationship with her.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
qxmcbg,19/11/2021,18,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/qxmcbg/step_father_drunk_messaged_my_gf/,step child,"My (m34) step father (61) drunk messaged my girlfriend (26) of 5 years saying he loved her and ""wants to f*** her real bad"" 2 days later he messaged ""sorry that was for someone else"" and removed the messages from messenger. We do not know how to handle this. On one side hes the last parent/grandparent we have left and i feel like i should forgive and forget. On the other hand this is completely disgusting and now we feel so awkward and creeped out. He messaged today and asked what we want for Thanksgiving. I dont know what to say. How would y'all handle this? I have not told any other family members and im not sure where to ask for advice.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
rc12qz,08/12/2021,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/rc12qz/how_do_i_deal_with_the_woman/,step child,"Hey everyone! 

First time poster so please be gentle <U+0001F602><U+0001F926><U+200D><U+2640><U+FE0F>

So, my (35f) dad (53) left my mom 11 years ago. 6 months later and me and younger sisters (now 32and31) are introduced to new gf.

Now a few facts about my dad. He got my mom pregnant when he was 17 and had a shotgun wedding when he was 18. I get it he was young and forced into by his family, but he never really grew up in a way. His and my moms marriage was toxic as heck, arguing constantly (although mum tried to hide it), plenty of affairs (him) and he just wasnt there when we were children.

After 2 years they got married. Dad never told us about his engagement my sisters and I found out from fb, ngl that was a hurtful thing to us. During dads speech at the wedding we find out that him and new wife (known only in my family as dads wife) had been together for 6 years! Cue me and sisters mouths dropping! We were later to find out that dw's son was friends with dad's cousins son and lots of family knew and never told my paternal grandparents (which hurt my nan<U+0001F621>)

We never said anything because by that point, why bother? But very swiftly she tried to insert herself into my family. I will admit I found it difficult but I tried to be pleasant and did like her, to an extent.

 This changed when my nan died 6 months after the wedding. The whole family were obviously devastated (we were all very close)

On the day my nan died that woman sat in my nan's chair saying 'it will be ok you still have your memories.' At that moment I saw red that has never really dulled over time, 6 years to be exact.

Honestly I just find her....odd. Cant really describe her personality, I just know that she tries to hard and doesn't fit in. Me and my sisters just find it harder the more years that go by the more we dislike the woman. I'm not known for holding my tongue, so I admit I find it increasingly hard to not tell dw what I think of her.

So any advice on how to handle dw going forward?","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
okez88,14/07/2021,11,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/okez88/stepmonster/,step child,Does anyone else walk out of your room to get water or food and turn right back around when you see she’s bitchin in the kitchen,"Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
my1km9,25/04/2021,18,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/my1km9/handling_feelings_i_have_towards_my_stepmother/,step child,"Let me preface this by saying this is going to be VERY, VERY long but, I want to try to get my thoughts out regarding this matter the best I can.



Growing up my Dad had full custody of me. No issues with Mom just she felt I was better off with Dad and she lived across the country and I visited her on school breaks. My parents got divorced when I was four years of age. My Dad re-married when I was six years of age. My Stepmom had no kids of her own when she married my Dad. But, later on they had two kids together, a boy and girl. Neither of my parents have ever said a bad word about the other. 



I remember hearing how when they first married and beforehand I would always be sitting in her lap and what-not. When she married my Dad she basically became a stay at home parent overnight. I am diagnosed with Autism and nowadays I am high-functioning but, through the second grade I had a helper in school and obviously being Autistic at times growing up I had a harder time navigating through the world.



Growing up, my stepmother was the person who was the one who did discipline and rule enforcement. Not because she is super strict or anything but, because my Dad is very passive. I remember her saying several times growing up ""I know i'm not supposed to but, he can't do it he just can't he's not capable so I have to."" Which I know put her in a bad position. A side note, she was raised in a pretty strict catholic traditional household so, that was her only model for being a parent.



Something that is weird is I notice most people who had stepmothers growing up seem to either have just good or bad to say. I.E. good would be she is an angel, she never tried to be my Mom and was like a big sister, etc...etc... or bad like she would belittle and mock me, treated her kids far better and let them be rude to me, seemed to resent my presence and called me a spoilt brat, etc...etc... But, for me, I had a mixture of good and bad i.e. 50/50.



Growing up I honestly believe that she did love me. And at times I felt loved by her. I had good times and bad but, even in the bad, I never even once picked up any vibes from her from what I can remember that she disliked me, resented me, hated me, didn't want me around, wished I would just go live with my Mom, etc...etc... Some things she had me do growing up looking back she had good intent but I did not enjoy at the time and wasn't the right fit for me. I.E. summer camp, volunteering at a thrift store, doing sports in middle school, etc...etc... I'm just not athletic or extroverted at all.



Let me start off with the good. She really did a lot to teach me manners and how to be polite and respectful and do chores. She taught me how to do laundry and cook and what-not. A lot of times doing chores growing up, she'd tell me ""good job thank you for doing it."" or, ""You missed a spot."" Then i'd say o'k and then she'd tell me thank you. In the third grade, she yelled at a girl who was bullying me. I remember several times in elementary school parents could come by school at lunch and have lunch with their kid and she did that. She volunteered on field trips and what-not to the point where staff at the Elementary School I went to remember her. She did a lot in terms of picking me up, doctor's and orthodontist appointments, talking to me about my day, playing board games, etc...etc...



Her family has always accepted me to the point where I never felt like an outsider. I just say my uncle or cousin I never preface it with the step prefix. She would take me clothes shopping like to Aeropostale or American Eagle and I went to see a movie with her several times I remember specifically this one with stray sled dogs in Antarctica that kind of scared me or something. And later on, to get white collar long sleeve t-shirts for when I got a job at a restaurant I won't name because it is the worse job I ever had(discussion for another time). A lot of times she'd tell me good things like ""I am proud of you."" ""You should get mad and work real hard to get your grades up."" ""I love you, you are a nice young man, you have so much potential."" ""Good job."" One time when I got grounded from the iPad(My high school gave students those). She said ""It's nice to see you out and about more and interacting with us."" At times she comforted me when I felt down and prayed with me when I was younger. She also helped me move into college right after high school with my Dad and two younger siblings(technically half). She would help with homework and I remember saying when I was younger ""she's my stepmom but might as well be my Mom."" from time-to-time. Overall, she really did do a lot for me I realize now looking back.



Sadly, at times there was some bad. In the 8th grade, we butted heads to the point where I decided to go live with my Mom for a year but, came back because I missed my friends/school/hometown and what-not. Several times in high school she got verbally abusive not crazy but, she'd call me a prick or a little shit in arguments and never apologized. Every now and then if she was having a bad day or mad about stuff or whatever I feel she'd kind of take it out on me by talking to me in a condescending and/or mocking tone of voice for a bit but, it was not a common occurrence. There were 3 certain incidents I can remember in the 8th grade where it made me feel bad and 2 times in high school where she got physical with me not crazy but, pushing.



The first one was we argued for a bit after dinner and then she grabbed the container of tin-foil wrap and held it up like she was going to strike me in the head with it and I remember running downstairs. I could hear her upstairs hysterically laughing like she was just done or something and my Dad being like ""why did you do that?"" The second one was we got in an argument and I guess I got upset and walked out of the house and in the driveway my Dad was trying to manage things or something it's kind of vague but, I remember feeling right at that moment ""I want to go live with Mom."" The third one was we went to church(a different one our church had a partnership with). And I mouthed along to some of the lyrics in one of the songs in not an obvious but disrespectful manner(which I know 200% is wrong, I was being a smartass 14 year old). She then grabbed my arm tightly, yanked me real hard out of the pews and into the hall and scolded me pretty harshly and I remember feeling hurt and upset to the point of tears welling up and flipping her off and mouthing ""f--- you"" at her and then she was upset(I 200% understand I should not have done that but, I feel she overreacted and it made me feel like crap how she treated me at that moment). I was never a bad kid like one of those people that gets in fights, suspended, Juvenile Hall, all f's or whatever but, at times we butted heads and I tried my best to be respectful but, I admit when things weren't the greatest I could be a disrespectful adolescent. On another occasion in the 8th grade, she made a comment to me that it was my fault that her and my Dad were arguing more at the time. I don't know if that is bad or anything but, I guess maybe not the nicest thing to say to someone idk.



The first incident of where she got physical happened in my 11th grade year. My Dad was not home he was doing stuff with my two younger siblings. It was the day of a dance at school(forget what specifically). Later that day, she was going to take pictures with my sister(her other stepchild) and her friends in some fields or whatever. My sister had a friend over at the time and her room was across the living room from mine. I remember around 10:30 AM going upstairs to get a glass of water. I saw her in the kitchen and said ""Hello, stepmom's name, how are you today?"" to make friendly conversation. She then snapped at me in a harsh and angry tone. ""I want you to go to the dance tonight."" When she never said a word about it beforehand to me. I was like ""Why did you not tell me this in advance like last week?"" Not being a smart-ass or disrespectful but, just wondering and confused. Then she was like ""I know you, HELLOIAM, I've known you since you were in kindergarten."" I feel like she was having a bad day and deciding to take it out on me. I could tell she was just picking a fight to pick a fight if you have ever had people do that to you beforehand. We talked a little more then I said she didn't know me before kindergarten not in a disrespectful way but still dumbfounded and thinking like why are you just picking a fight with me for no reason? Then she walked away all ""I can't believe you said that.""



I remember being mad that she just picked a fight with me and what-not when I tried making friendly conversation and just wanted to get some water. While walking back down the stairs to my room, I muttered under my breath something I 150% should have NEVER said and is NOT O'K to say. I muttered that she was an f'n b----. I get in my room and close my door. I then hear her running upstairs and thinking ""oooohhh snap."" I then went to my door to block her from forcing her way in because my gut told me to(it did not have a lock). She tried 3x to force her way in then, the 4th time was able to push in and she grabbed my shoulders and I grabbed her arms because I felt like she was trying to choke me out based on the way her hands were positioned or something. She was all ""I can't believe you said this and that"" just going crazy in a rage like a bomb had gone off and we jostled back and forth a bit(I did not push back just, movements) then, she pushed me kind of hard onto my bed and shouted ""YOU'RE STAYING WITH MOMMA!!!"" and stormed up the stairs. I remember feeling scared and sitting on my bed for 15 minutes wondering what just happened. 



Once the 15 minutes were up, I thought to myself that I did not feel safe there and I needed to leave. I got on my bike and rode the 20-minute bike ride over to my grandma's house(dad's mom) and told her what happened saying how I felt it was best I needed to stay there for a few weeks to let things cool off and how I didn't feel completely safe to go back. I was there for an hour and a half then my Dad showed up. He's pretty passive so based on his mannerisms and what-not at the time I honestly believed he did not care even though now I know he did. He said what happened and how my stepmom was at home crying about things. Then, he said you are coming home even though I explained to him how she reacted to me made me feel like it wasn't safe for me to be there and I was really nervous to go back home. 



Once we got home it was right before dinner and me, Dad and stepmom had a conversation about what happened. Stepmom said that she was feeling suicidal and I told her ""Please don't do it."" trying to console her because I didn't want her to kill herself. We talked and she tried to deflect the conversation to this kid who bullied me in the 9th grade. I said I felt like she was trying to choke me out and she was like ""I wasn't trying to choke you out HELLOIAM I just pushed you."" Then I responded back in a normal tone of voice not being accusatory in my tone that I thought she was. Then, she started walking towards me in a moderate pace like she wanted to swing on me ""what? what? whatchu' say HELLOIAM whatchu' say?"" My Dad got in front of her and told her ""Heeeeeey don't do that."" Then, I apologized for calling her an f'n b, she told me it would take her a few days to apologize to me and that if something like that happened again i'd be sent back to my Mom's for the 12th grade and she then told me next time to ""keep things in the family."" But, at the same time she said she did not want things in the family to be like that. I remember eating dinner then going downstairs and listening to some Slipknot because I was pretty heated. I didn't tell my Mom until I was 19 because I didn't want to have to leave the school I attended and what-not. It was weird the next day going to church like nothing happened and then going to school on Monday as if nothing happened.



Eight days later, she came into my room and apologized to me for how she acted and that she was very sorry for having reacted that way towards me. I accepted her apology.



The second time was right after I started my 12th grade year of school. I was getting something to drink in the kitchen and my stepmom walked in and all of a sudden started going off ""Whatchu' doin' HELLOIAM? Whatchu' doin'?"" Kind of like mocking me for some reason like she was taking her bad day out on me. I then slammed the fridge door shut and she pushed me across the kitchen. Ten seconds later she apologized to me for that. 



When I was 19, I failed out of the 1st college I went to then, I got my driver's license and went to be wit h my Mom because I was going to go to a school there where she lived. My Mom told me that my Dad sent her an e-mail where he admitted that at times, my stepmom had not treated me the best which I was told by my therapist was very mature and selfless of him to be able to do that. I.E. instances of verbal abuse, times when we wouldn't get along the best, etc...etc... She told me growing up she thought it was just typical stepparent/stepchild dynamic stuff but, didn't realize that at times it got beyond that and if she had known that she would've been more concerned. In the e-mail he told my Mom that throughout their marriage they had some issues that were solely in and of the marriage itself that would often times wind up blowing up on me even though I never had anything to do with it.



With all that said, I do honestly believe that she loved me growing up and wanted to do right by me and wanted the best for me. I believe that to this day she does care about me. We are not close but, she sometimes sends texts like ""It was good to see you."" ""I'm sorry I forgot to say bye to you."" ""Happy Birthday."" ""Good luck with the new job."" Stuff like that and I respond back in a civil manner. Anytime we are around each other we talk in a civil manner about stuff and she says ""It's good to see you."" And I do believe it is 100% genuine where she is happy to see me and not viewing me as an intrusion. I honestly feel that if something bad happened to me i.e. hit by drunk driver, killed, incarcerated, robbed at gunpoint that it would affect her and she'd feel upset about it. Not because ""oh my husband is suffering."" But, ""My stepson, HELLOIAM is suffering.""



One time I overheard an incident of her being verbally abusive towards my little sister i.e. my youngest half-sibling(her biological child). It was last year I was staying with them for a few months until I got a place to live/job/car and what-not which went fine. I was helping with dinner cutting up carrots or something and my stepmom took a bowl of grapes out and told her to not eat any yet because they had not been washed. My little sister went ahead and put one in her mouth. My stepmom snapped at her ""You little shit! I told you not to eat any yet! They are not washed and I told you not to eat any yet and you just went ahead and put one in your mouth!"" But, immediately afterwards apologized to her and I thought to myself that she had never apologized to me.



One of my friends theorized that at times if she was mad at my Dad about something that she'd take it out on me like I remind her of my Dad or something. idk. My dad's mom and my Mom both have told me that maybe she has some mental stuff or something that is undiagnosed idk. Both my Mom and Dad have told me that she feels guilt and bad over how things turned out and never wanted things to be bad. And I honestly believe that.



I do wish a lot that things went better. I feel guilt at times for when I could be disrespectful not bad but, normal teenage stuff even though I realize all teenagers get like that at times and it's a normal part of life. I realize she did a lot of good for me which I am grateful for but, at times, chose not to treat me the best which sadly kind of put a wall up. I guess I feel bad for how things went and wish things went better. She hasn't done this yet but, if she ever apologized to me in a letter it would make my whole day. I asked my Mom why she wouldn't and she said not all family cultures are like that where parents apologize to kids or whatever. 



I guess I wonder what caused her to act certain ways towards me when she didn't treat me the best. It's weird because I never picked up vibes from her like she disliked, hated or resented me and i'm not stupid I can tell if someone feels that way towards me but, I never picked up vibes from her like that even when things weren't the greatest. I honestly believe she did the best she could even if at times it wasn't the greatest. My Mom has said sometimes people in difficult situations do not behave the best.



On several occasions, I have had civil, mature, adult conversations with my Dad about all of this. He admitted to me that looking back at times he could have done more to stand up for me and for not doing so that he was sorry. Another time I told him that when things weren't the greatest based on his mannerisms and how he is more so passive i.e. i've never once seen him mad, I honestly believed deep down that he did not care or give a crap about what I was going through even though nowadays I know he did. He told me that there were times where he was very upset and there were times where they had heated arguments and discussions though behind closed doors. I never got exposed to parents arguing/fighting/screaming/yelling at each other really growing up which I guess is a good thing. Recently, we talked again and he told me he feels bad about how things went and admits that going into it he could've done better planning and was pretty naive about how things were going to work. He has said that from time to time him and my stepmom will talk about how things went and he says that she feels bad about how things turned out but, gotta' move forward y'know. I don't want to talk about this stuff often with him though because I can tell he feels a LOT of guilt and regret over how things went and idk I guess I just don't want to keep opening up the past or something idk.



It's good to know he feels bad about how things went instead of having an ""I don't care."" attitude. I like the fact I can have civil conversations with him about this stuff instead of him gaslighting me/being in denial/telling me to suck it up, etc...etc... like other people's dads. I asked him recently if he had ever wound up marrying someone that abused his kids and/or treated us 2nd-class to her kids, let her kids bully us, made us do more chores, unfair treatment, etc...etc... if he would have stayed married to someone like that. He told me no that he would not stay married to someone like that if he had in an alternate reality married someone like that. My Mom told me that he is not clueless he would've never married somebody that hated his kids and/or didn't care for them. And, he is not a selfish or self-centered person so, she has told me that she cannot ever imagine him having wound up with someone who would be bad/be selfish/be self-centered and manipulative and childish. 



I guess to sum it up, my stepmom tried the best she could even if at times she behaved poorly towards me. I understand though at times I did not act completely respectfully and I do feel some guilt about it though I understand most adolescents go through periods of not being respectful. My Mom has told me that plenty of people go through WAY worse with their biological parents than what I went through with my stepmom and that it's normal for people to have rough periods of times with parents. I guess I just wish things went better to where we'd be close, talk almost every day via text and what-not idk. Though, when she has treated me not the greatest, it did affect me and still kind of affects me to this day though i've gone to therapy a couple years ago. She basically raised me and i'm grateful for all the good things she did for me. But, at times, things weren't the best.



 Sorry for ALL the paragraphs just tried to get it out the best I could.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
jml9dl,02/11/2020,12,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/jml9dl/i_feel_like_ive_lost_my_home/,step child,"My parents divorced when i was around.. 6-8? I'm 16 now since oct. 



I have a good relationship with my mom, and an okay one with my dad.

But, I spend all my time at my moms. Not because I hate my dad or anything, but I hate he girlfriend.



(Lemme ad this, that bitch broke the girl code hella hard, because she was friends with my mom, and she fucking..)



Shes changed everything. EVERYTHING! she keeps our dogs in the garage all day because she doesnt want the hair despite already covering the couches in plastic.



Rearranging, compulsive cleaning, strange food, ect. 



Ever since my parents seperated ive hated change. Hell, the only room in that hose thats almost exactly the same is my room. The same pink and green bedding, covered in stuffed animals, a barbie mansion, horse toys, and a closet full of clothes that dont fit anymore. 



But more than any of that, almost.. Is really music.

My dad used to play things like pinback, arcade fire, pink floyd, death cab for cutie, ect. All the time. But now its christian music. When i hear it from my room, I cry. 

 

I really just wanted to post what I was gonna comment on a pinback video, but was too afraid my dad would see it.. So here it is..









I grew up with pin back. My dad played them on the big speakers in our living room, or on nights with a bonfire, in the garage with the fog machine and disco lights. Dancing around as a kid, sitting in a camping chair by the fire and throwing my old homework in at night in summer. I miss it. I really fucking do. I miss it more than anything in this world. I miss it as much as tricker treating, believing in Santa, and watching cartoons while sitting at a blue card table in a princess chair. 





My dad isn’t dead. I just haven’t felt close to him in such a long, long time. The home that used to play music I loved, now plays the Christian station. Our couches covered in plastic, our bathroom always freshly cleaned with the lingering smell of bleach. All because of 1 person. 



After my parents divorced, I still saw them both often. Going back and forth after school.. my dad kept the house. I never minded what changed at my moms house, because it would always be my second home, not where I grew up. There weren’t precious memories embedded in every scribble in the door frames, or the paint color of the bathroom, or even what color the curtains were. 





In the house full of memories, where even a different couch distressed me, she changed EVERYTHING. The kitchen that i used to be able to navigate like the back of my hand, now was confusing, and full of foods I hated. The fridge full of root beer now had soy milk. The pantry with raisins and brownies now had rice crackers and raw sugar. All the plates that I can remember clearly, the plastic straw cereal bowls, thrown out as if they had no meaning to anyone! My only safe place in that house now is my own room, full of childish wall stickers, a doll house, pink, yellow and green. Even the carpet covered in paint stains. I refuse to change it in any way. Because that’s all I have left. It will never be the same again. She ruined it. That bitch. ","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
hmifh4,06/07/2020,12,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/hmifh4/i_hate_my_dads_wife/,step child,"I guess I should start with the basics. My dad's been married 3 times. This is his third wife, I met her when I was 20 I'm now 22. As part of my financial constraints and the fact that my grandmother is declining in health. I live with them as well as my older Special needs brother to provide care when I'm not working. 



Anyways my dad's wife always makes these irritating comments about what I'm doing accompishments wise like she's talking to a toddler. And OH MY GOD i can't stand it. 



I'm not an idiot, and while I may not make the wisest decisions I know what I need to do and I don't need you patting my back like I'm a toddler learning to use the potty. 



I guess cause she doesn't really talk with her kids she feels the need to get into my business but I've told my dad I want her to leave me the hell alone as is and she just won't.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
hicn1r,30/06/2020,6,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/hicn1r/should_i_have_my_own_privacy/,step child,"Some backstory on the story I’m gonna tell this time 



I had just gotten home from spending the night at my aunts house. I wanted to take a shower so I did. I finished my shower and went to my room I heard my Step father, Dave come home from work I didn’t think much of it until I heard him call for my mom. My mom was out shopping with my aunt but he didn’t know that, and my brother wasn’t around to tell him 

I heard Dave calling into different rooms ( rooms with the doors already open) 



My door was the only one closed so I thought he would know to knock but I was wrong 

As I started taking off my towel he opened the door and he saw me naked. 

He just closed the door and didn’t say anything 

When my mom finally got home I told her that he didn’t knock even though my mom has told him that he especially had to knock on my door. 



Now that I have that out the way I can say what I really have to say



My mom just told me now that when I take a shower I have to change in the bathroom instead of my room since my door doesn’t lock and the bathrooms door does ( but my door is pretty hard to open sometimes)  



So I really don’t know if I’m the one that’s over reacting to this whole thing

 

Is this fair?



Should my SD not learn to knock on my door?","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
h8metx,14/06/2020,10,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/h8metx/stepmoms_suck/,step child,My step mom doesn't make her kids do ANYTHING seriously she will make fusses about me being historical because I don't do enough around the house saying it's my house I don't even want to be there I wish that she wasn't  so entitled to every thing like my dad asked her to talk to one of her kids because she made a mess and refused to pick it up (HE cleans the house) and she started making a big fuss about things like me being historical (I have low a1c wich brings my blood sugar down quickly) but won't let me have protein to bring it up she also makes will call it a problem if I DEFEND MYSELF her child has kicked me for ten minutes straight and pushed me down stair but no me having problems with my blood sugar is HORRIBLEu she forced me and my brothers to sleep in the basement and complains about it and everytime her depressed daughter say something suicidal she is punished but the one daughter that steals things and is a criminal is her favorite probably because she gets attention for her daughter  she also hire people for a company and dosen't hire asians (she said it herself) to say more she even uses my low a1c  so my blood sugar goes down and I act irrational so she uses that against me,"Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
gy50qd,07/06/2020,9,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/gy50qd/my_step_dad_refers_to_my_mom_as_his_wife_when/,step child,"I’m always really confused and uncomfortable when my step dad talks about my mom to my siblings and I referring to her as “his wife”.



An example would be this:



Me: “hey what’s up! You guys do anything fun this last weekend?”



Him: “Me and MY WIFE went on a beautiful hike and had a wonderful dinner at this fancy steakhouse.”



Anytime he talks about her he has to throw it in. So why do you guys think he does this? It’s weird AF.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
gw8c18,04/06/2020,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/gw8c18/should_i_intervene_in_my_mom_and_her_bf_arguing/,step child,"My mom recently met this guy who was at first super nice asked her to marry and even asked for my permission to marry her and still is nice occasionally. The past couple days I’ve heard from my mom that he thinks I do things half ass and am I lazy person, when I heard that I was like “oh okay whatever as long as you’re not a dick.” Then the craziest thing happened, he started becoming a dick to my mom and is called her a dumba**, idiot, n****er, and telling her all sorts of other things like to shut up and ordering her to get out of her own bedroom. I’m 17 so it’s not tripping me out too much and I’m not gonna have any life changing issues due to this but my 7 year old sister is hearing every single one of these argument play out every day which I don’t think she should have to listen to. Anyways today they were arguing in the living room and I was outside with my sister but even the neighbors could hear them yelling so I went in their and kinda just stared at them, but my mom got super pissed I was there and yelled and me and told me to get out and I made the situation worse. After I left, her boyfriend left and I guess now it’s my fault that he left. I don’t know, did I do the right thing or should I have just stayed outside?","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
gvb1ai,02/06/2020,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/gvb1ai/my_stepmom_the_tyrant/,step child,"So my stepmom, who has a super typical bitchy name so we’ll call her Karen, is a FedEx driver who recently got a route that goes into my moms neighborhood. I live with my mom and we live in a super backwoods country neighborhood that’s on a private road and all of the houses are like a half mile to a mile apart from one another. I was disowned by my biological father in January of 2019, that’s a long story but Karen was the main reason for the disowning. So I haven’t talked to either of them in over a year, she got the new route right around the start of my states stay at home order. I’m in college so I’m not usually at home but due to Corona I’m stuck at home since my campus is closed. 



The last few weeks, since it warmed up, I’ve been doing a lot of outside work. Mowing the lawn, gardening, taking the dog for a walk, and tanning. That kind of stuff. Well, she started to notice I was outside but because she isn’t allowed to talk to me (I threatened to file some charges against her, whole legal mess) she’s taken to honking her horn at me every time she passes by. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t go outside between 1-3pm everyday and if I see a FedEx truck coming anytime before or after that time I book it inside. I’m not going to press charges or anything for the honking, because she’s just being an asshole and a tyrant, but it’s really annoying booking it inside everyday. My older sister, who they still talk to, tried telling her to stop but she won’t listen.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
gu3ibf,NA,1,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/gu3ibf/my_stepdad_is_a_man_child/,step child,"This is one of many stories of my step dad Dave. Dave expects my mom to do a lot of things for him. He expects her to pick out his clothes while he takes a shower to bring him snacks while he’s playing video games and expects her to pick up his clothes. My mom is pregnant with his child and he still expects her to do things for him even after she’s done working. ( she works from home now) one time my mom and I had to go somewhere she didn’t have time to drop me off at home so she took me with her( before corona and we still had to go to school) 

My mom asked Dave to cook for the family so the family could eat when we got home. We got home around 8 really hungry and excited to eat. But when we got there he didn’t finish cooking at all. He didn’t finish cooking because he was in the middle of a game and excepted her to finish up the cooking. My mom was furious at that and went to her room. The next day he came home with a card and little shoes ( for the baby) the card said 

“We need to stay strong for the baby” 

And she forgave him. He’s using the baby to try to get sympathy he just really pisses me off. He does bare minimum in the house but when u forget to put up dishes he complains. I just hope when my mom gives birth to my little sister I hope he doesn’t expect to take over and start making snacks for him or even worse make my mom still do all those stuff while she’s busy with my little sister. 



You guys might start to see me a lot more with more stories about Dave","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
gt82aq,30/05/2020,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/gt82aq/my_stepmother_makes_me_feel_uncomfortable_but_i/,step child,"This is something that has been bothering me recently, I never really felt like it was an issue before but my stepmother is kinda uncomfortable to be around now and I’m not sure why.



I lived with my mom and recently moved in with my dad and stepmother.



My parents have been divorced my entire life, I’ve never really thought much of it since it was what I grew up in, but when I was 6 my dad introduced me and my little brother to my stepmother as his girlfriend and I just shrugged it off and adapted to it pretty quickly to be honest.



But after 7 years I began to find it uncomfortable to be around her, I literally had no issues being around her before but I don’t know why it suddenly changed.



My little brother never really liked her and that was never a secret, but now that he rants about her to me I kinda don’t defend her anymore. I don’t know why and I feel horrible.



My dad and my stepmother like each other and I’m happy for him and all since she’s nice but I really never can open up to her anymore for some reason. I can open up to both of them if they are together but if I’m left alone with her I just can’t talk to her at all.



I just try to make small talk with her and I feel extremely uncomfortable with her, and she makes it awkward at times bringing up random things that sometimes doesn’t make sense.



I just want to get along with her but I’m scared of hurting her feelings if I say something. She can’t read the mood of the room or interpret people’s emotions so I’m not sure if she knows or not. She’s sensitive so I’m really scared of hurting her feelings, but I want to feel comfortable around her again...



 I really want to get along with her but I just don’t know how.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
grtn9p,27/05/2020,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/grtn9p/i_cant_stand_my_step_father/,step child,"I absolutely cannot stand my step father he is so rude and disgusting towards me he’s family isn’t any better either ( not all of them were horrible just some of them) 

A little background on him we will just call him Dave. Dave married my mom when I was 3 and they had my brother let’s call him Jim. When he was born I was already starting to get kicked out the picture 

I started to get older he started to talk to me rudely and when I would say something back with no attitude I would get in trouble. I’m gonna name a few things he’s done that messed up either me or my family 



- we were forced to move to Mexico because he was deported I won’t lie and say it was horrible living there because I met his grandma who I deeply cared for 

- when we came back my mom had to start over with her credit and was in a lot of debt 

- accuses me of doing things I didn’t do

- punishes me for “talking back” 

- always tries to play the victim 

- makes fun of me in front of my mom and she doesn’t do anything either she just laughs so I’m very self conscious 

- will bring up his dead grandma( the one I was very close to) just to see me cry because he knows I was very close to her and her death hit me the most 

- doesn’t do anything in the house and except me and mom to do it because we are women and that’s what we are supposed to do and not be lazy(which I’m not) while him and Jim play on their Xbox/PC doing nothing in the house. 

And that’s just to name a few I have a lot of stories to tell about this person. I would usually cry myself to sleep because sometimes it’s too much for me. I started  to count the years for how long I would have till I can move out since I was 5. 

He is absolutely the worst once I move out I won’t come back



I might post some stories about this jerk but I’m able to get through all of this because of my friends so I’m not as depressed as I was before 

Just tell me what you think about Him","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
ghoxug,11/05/2020,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ghoxug/has_anyone_grown_apart_from_their_stepparent/,step child,"Warning, long story ahead. 



so basically my father left my family when I was a baby and I was raised by grandparents when my mom left for America to find work. I reconnected with her later as a child and found out she found another man who is to be my stepfather. He has one son with my mom and he and I are really close to the point where I never made a distinction that he is my half brother. 



But with my stepdad, things feel a little strange to me. After an awkward feeling out phase he began treating me like a son and being an overall supportive dad. There were times I even felt he liked me more than his own son because I would go on to embody traits he wished my brother would. And everything was great to the point where I started calling him dad. 



But now as an adult things aren’t quite the same. I used to look up to him as he wasn’t highly educated but read a lot so he knew quite a bit and was always able to answer my questions and teach me things. Now I never take him seriously anymore and he tries to teach me things and I just roll my eyes because he just parrots common myths, stereotypes, or extreme political talking points. Basically I don’t respect him as a dad anymore. 



And to top it off, he no longer feels like my dad and it retroactively feels like I never did. I saw a show about a boy who tracked down his father across the world and in a climactic scene he confronted him and told him all the pain he had from waiting for his dad, how his stepdad could never fill the role because he felt more like his moms boyfriend than a dad, and the biological father later commented that the boy could not relate to a stepfather of a different race than him. Idk why but that scene really resonated with me to the point where I actually shed a few tears. 



I felt like a wimp afterwards but I really started examining why I would feel that way. Does this mean I don’t accept my stepdad as my own father? Am I just ungrateful and shitty person for rejecting a man who tried to be my dad? I feel so guilty that this man has tried his best and I no longer accept him as my dad. I still catch myself saying things like I don’t have a dad or how I grew up without a dad. When it’s obvious my stepdad was there. 





Tl;dr: stepdad did his best to be my dad and it worked when I was a child but as an adult I don’t think of him as my dad and lost the connection, am I just ungrateful or is this a common occurrence with step parents?","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
ggaxaw,09/05/2020,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ggaxaw/my_stepmom_and_i_fight_often_and_then_she_tattles/,step child,"i deeply dislike my stepmom and every time we come to blows, she tattles on me to my dad and makes him come to talk to me. my parents didnt divorce, my mom died and then my dad remarried later. my mom was always sick and often in the hospital so i was always very close to my father and while i loved my mom dearly, i didnt have the same mom figure others had. so when my dad remarried to a woman who was the polar opposite of my mom, there was a lot of resentment on my part because she tried very hard to be a “mom” as if she pitied the fact that i didnt have one. her style of parenting was also hugely different; much more controlling and aggressive while my parents had always treated me like a mini-adult with freedom. it made me uncomfortable and eventually just turned to dislike because no matter what i did she could not see me as a person but just someone meant to listen. we came to blows often when i was a teen but i tried to let it go because i care about my dad. but its been years and now im an adult (21) and due to covid-19, we’re all stuck in the house and the fights keep happening more and more. and they’re about dumb things (like i do a lot of sewing so i try to keep our cat out of my room for her own safety and for my stuff to not get messed with but she always barges in and leaves the door open and lets her in) and she gets mad when im upset but every time she just yells at me, then yells and complains to my dad about me (in hearing distance) and he comes to talk to me like the next day and basically tells me to just always do whatever she says. hes very not into conflict and it stresses him out when we fight so i feel bad but im also so frustrated that we cant even talk like adults and she has to go tell on me??? and that my dad just willingly always defends it even when he thinks the rule is stupid to avoid conflict. i just dont know how to like make a compromise because at this point i just dont even wanna be in the house i feel like im in a strangers home and i feel very upset with the fact that my dad just bends to her. i dont wanna seem like a brat but i also dont think asking for basic respect from my stepmom is unreasonable.



tldr; my stepmom and i fight, she yells at me and then complains to my dad who tells me to just do what she says all the time.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
g8r8zl,27/04/2020,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/g8r8zl/stepfather_reads_my_texts/,step child,"My whole family shares an Apple ID and I guess through that, there’s an option called send and receive. Basically you can choose any of the different phone numbers attached to your account to send and receive texts from that particular device. My stepfather has turned on this feature for me and all of my brothers and has been reading my texts for months. I suspected this for a while but it was confirmed a couple weeks ago when he brought up specific details from a groupchat I’m in. He didn’t even deny it. 



I don’t even know what to do because I can’t tell my mom. I only found out when I got in trouble for something else which my stepfather has for some reason decided not to tell my mother about as a “favor” as if that does me any good.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
frckcx,29/03/2020,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/frckcx/crazy_stepmom_hides_dads_hospitalization/,step child,"Ok so this has just been happening in the past week and I'm still trying to collect my thoughts about this crazy bitch.



Sorry if there's grammar mistakes, english is not my first language and I'm on mobile.



So for context, my mom and dad divorced 8 years ago, he's been together with this lady for 7. Only my brother has been able to get along with her, since neither me or my sister take the flag she tries to throw at us every time we meet.



We've always joked about how she'd most likely not info us if our dad died.



Oh how right we were.



Our dad is very socially awkward, so we very rarely are in contact with him even tho we all love each other very much and get along super well. He also hates bothering people with his own problems, so him not contacting us himself in the first place is very normal.



To get to the actual story, last tuesday my dads sister called us to tell that our dad had been in the hospital for the past 3 days, and that they were moving him to another hospital for the intensive care unit because he was super delirious and had a very serious case of pancreatitis.



We ofc started asking why no one had told us before and she said she didn't know about it and called us as soon as she saw his facebook post from the night before (none of us are his friends there) She had also called my stepmom to ask if she had informed us about this. SM said no, that why would she??



At this point we were all furious, there was a very high chance of death and we wouldn't have known unless our aunt who isn't even in contact with my dad or any of us normally wouldn't have called. Like I mentioned before, my brother get's along with SM and has been to their place often, where as I had only been there 3 times in 7 years and my sister 0 times so there was no reason for her not to at least contact my brother.



Anyways as days went by dad was very slowly getting better, we called twice a day to ask how he's been etc. And so had SM. She started spreading false info about his conditions to my dads family about how his body was slowly destroying itself, while the doctors and my dad both told us that he was doing a lot better.



SM also started calling my aunt asking why we were calling there, franctically asking what we knew and demanding to knoe why were we bothering my dad and the doctors when she was already taking care of the calling. She never contacted us. Not at any point.



This bitch was flipping and acting like we're some strangers bothering them, when actually she's the one who's doing everything to bother and mess with our families. Acting jealous when we only cared for our dad's health not her bs.



This whole thing is still going on as my dad is still in the intensive care unit, but now apparently no one in my dads side of the family actually believe anything she's saying and my dads brother even called my sis today to tell her how much he hates the bitch.



She's always been a crazy bitch and this has only proved a point of how crazy she actually is. I'd love to tell other stories about her if people are interested. They're not as crazy but still show you how much of an asshole she is.



I'll update if she pulls more bullshit!","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
f1lg2z,10/02/2020,35,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/f1lg2z/i_need_of_advice_from_a_stepdadolder_stepkids/,step child,"_My friggin post got removed from stepparents even though i specifically needed advice FROM stepparents, not stepchildren, but i guess im forced to post it here anyways._





SD=stepdad

M=my Mom

Me=Me





M and her boyfriend have been together for almost six years. They aren’t married because my parents aren’t officially divorced yet, but I still refer to her boyfriend as my SD because it’s easier to tell people than “my mom’s longterm boyfriend who lives with us.”



So, in short, my SD is an asshole. He was ok at first, but as I’ve gotten older he has been treating me worse and worse. He treats me like I have zero brain cells, like I don’t know anything, and he’s somehow gotten M to tag along with this behavior.



I will admit & be the first to say im no angel. When he starts with me ive fought back, yelled at him, cried, etc. however it’s worth mentioning that i never did anything to him to start with unless he provokes me.



He seems to think that in order to teach me about life he needs to make me look and feel like i know nothing. Instead of giving me good advice and being friendly he just laughs and shakes his head and comments about how i “have a lot to learn.” And not in the kind, joking dad way either.



My mother wants me to respect him, but i simply cant respect someone who is so rude to me. He does buy groceries, makes dinner, and would “do anything for me.” He can do all of this stuff but still not be kind towards me? During a visitation with my father she bared her teeth at me while saying that i have to “respect the man, even if hes not nice to you.” I said “No! Why should I respect some who cant even be nice to me?!” And my mom just said something stupid like “You have to” or whatever.



What should i do? I try to keep quiet and stay in my room to avoid confrontation but then my mom gets mad at me for staying up there. It almost feels like she’s trying to set me up to fight him just to prove that im a bad daughter and a bad person. 



There are so many examples of him making me feel bad about myself and indirectly isolating me that i cant possibly list them all here. He’s gotten my mom & sister to gang up on me multiple times as well.



Advice needed and thanks in advanced :)","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
f04yje,07/02/2020,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/f04yje/my_stepfather_intimidates_me_ive_known_him_since/,step child,"My stepfather had been in my life since I was a baby. He is the father of my little brothers and I care deeply for him.



He is 6 feet, has a resting mean/bitch face, speaks little English, and is very quiet. 



He intimidates me..... But he's good! He is very caring and helpful, and often gives me cash and treats me like his own child, which I am grateful for.



It's just being in his PRESENCE that has me shutting down. Like, he doesnt mean it but bro. If you've seen him, you'd think he hates you with every fiber in his being when in reality he's just thinking about work or something. 



All in all, my stepfather is a cool guy and I am glad to have him in my life. But I just wanna know if there is any possible way to NOT be intimidated by him?","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
edohuz,21/12/2019,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/edohuz/vent_dont_introduce_yourself_as_my_mom/,step child,"My stepmother introduced herself to someone as my mom.  I was raised with joint custody and I'm still on good terms with my BM and her family. I've never corrected people in the past when they refer to her as my mom, and I've tried to be a good daughter, and I didn't even correct her when she introduced herself, this just feels disrespectful. 



I get that it's hard and socially awkward to be in a blended family. I get that introducing yourself as someone's stepmother could lead people to speculate about family drama. But that's what you sign up for when you marry someone with a kid. Jesus.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
e8kb2b,10/12/2019,1,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/e8kb2b/im_worried/,step child,"Ok so my mom and step dad are going on a cruise next week. So I'm going to be staying with my dad and step mom for a week



Now i love my dad but my step mom is the type of woman to complain about everything .



So I'm trying to figure out how to hold my tounge next week.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
dhp0kh,14/10/2019,6,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/dhp0kh/im_not_sure_what_to_do_about_my_stepmom/,step child,"Ok. So I'm a 16 year old female and my step mom came into my life about two years after my parents split. I liked her at first but now I can't get along with her.



She badmouths her own sons ,co-workers and sometimes my grandma when she was alive. but not as often as she bashes her oldest son who's 31 and travels around our country alot. He's a free spirit as I think of it . But she thinks he's a bit crazy



Along with that one time I drew a bloody machete since I loved the Friday the 13th movies and she told me that's how people become killers



Edit - She's also jealous of me","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
dbur5a,01/10/2019,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/dbur5a/i_just_cant_keep_this_to_myself_anymore/,step child,"My mom and dad separated when I was really young because of my grandmother on my dad's side, so before my dad left with my younger brother I have never seen my parents argue once, so I didn't even realized that they've already divorced when my dad and my brother left. 



My mom started seeing other men a few months after that, I didn't know my mom was dating since my kiddie brain only assumed they're just friends. I never really questioned it when I noticed she stopped bringing them around which I realized the reason why a few years later. 



So then my mom brought this one dude when I was about 10, again I thought he's just one of her friends. And just like with the other guys, I tried to be as polite and nice as I can be since I didn't want to be rude with my mom's friend. I found out one day though that he was a married man with children (apparently) when I saw the picture of him hugging his kid as the lockscreen on his phone. I remembered he and my mom at that time were a bit nervous when they saw me finding out about that picture, asking me if i'm okay with it. Since I never realized my parents were divorced, and add to the fact that I thought he and my mom were just friends, I was confused because why wouldn't I be okay with it? Shouldn't this be normal? As much as I love my mom, I could never support her for dating a married man when I was old enough to realise why they were nervous at that time.



At first the man was nice and gave me attention that made me felt liked by him (my self esteem was low back then), so I was excited whenever I hear that he was going to visit. He played games with me and pulled pranks that had been unpleasant to me when I was young but I'm never angry at him for it because I know he didn't do it to be mean. My mom tried asking me if I want another dad, I said no because I didn't need another dad since I still have my real dad. So my mom tried to get me to call the man with another name because she didn't want me to call him my uncle, the nickname roughly translates into 'Uncle dad' and I liked him enough to start calling him that.



Sometimes, if not all the time, he would take my mom to our bedroom and locked it, I always had to spend my time in the living room watching TV or just doing my homework. I always thought it was odd, because he and my mom never allowed me in the room unless they opened the door themselves. If I have to guess now, they were probably doing the nasty all these times and I never noticed. 



I've already forgotten why, but the first time he had been upset at me he didn't hesitate to yell at me, something I never thought he would do when he seemed so nice. My mom was crying and I only wanted it to stop so I was scared to talk back at him, the only thing I could do was cry which made him yelled louder. And that was when he told me that I should have went with my dad when he left me and my mom.



Probably a month later, he and I got back on good terms, sorta, only because my mom had asked me to be friendly with him, but at this point I don't think I could like him as much as I did at the beginning. The second time he was upset at me that he had to yell, was when he and my mom left the bedroom to go to the kitchen. I only wanted to play a joke on them, by crouching behind the curtains inside the bedroom to spook them when they come back. And when they DID come back, turns out they already know I'm in there because as soon as I heard them coming in the man went up to my hiding spot and sat on my head. I asked him to stop because his weight was crushing my neck (He was two times my weight), except he only laughed and kept sitting on my head while my mom teased me for hiding there. I practically begged him to stop because it wasn't funny anymore, and he just kept going. When he did let me go, I immediately ran out of the bedroom and threw a tantrum. I angry at both him and my mom, but the only thing I did was making a face at them and ignoring the man when he called out to me. So I was surprised when the man began yelling at me again, saying I was a brat for not taking a joke. This time he was more angrier and I've never been more scared in my life, all I could do was cry and again it only made him more mad. My mom cried and begged him to stop, the man responded by yelling at her too and then punched the bathroom door (made out of plastic) before taking his stuff and left. Me and my mom had to shower with a gaping hole in the door for weeks before having it replaced with a new one.



By now, I was scared whenever I hear that he's visiting. I started locking myself in the second bedroom whenever he does. The third time, probably more than a year later, I was babysitting my cousins in the living room while the man and my mom locked themselves in the bedroom again. My mom had bought me chewing gums as snacks and I shared it with my cousins. I was like 13 at that time, and still a pretty stupid kid, my mom used to tell me that if you swallow a chewing gum you'll die just to scare me into spitting it out, so me and my cousins always believed it *(Pro tip for parents out there: just say swallowing chewing gums is bad for your stomach, don't say they're gonna die)*. So when one of my cousin starts crying because she accidentally swallowed the gum, of course I panicked, I banged on the bedroom door to get my mom because I thought it was an emergency. When my mom came out and found out about the situation she told me that my cousin was fine, and no one was gonna die. When the man figured out what happened though, he became angry again, screamed at me, saying that I was the one who made everyone panic, I scared my cousin into thinking she was going to die (even though she cried before I noticed she had swallowed it), and that I'm the one at fault. And of course, this made me cried again because I really didn't know what I did wrong to make him angry. It made me feel worthless, it made me felt like a burden to everyone. My mom came over from the bedroom to comfort me a little once my cousins calmed down but it really didn't do much, all I could think was my mom must have liked the man more than she liked me. Other than yelling and getting angry at me and my mom though, he also did something he should not have done to a pubescent teenager, it involved something sexual but I'm going to say anything more than that, all I can say is that I noticed that he was actually more scummy than I thought.



The man never really apologized, and it was from that day onward I started to hate him. I became less friendly, stopped talking to him (other then hellos and goodbyes), and happily spend my time locked in my own room now that I have my own laptop to play with. 



This goes on until I was 16, the man does not visit as often as he used to and I was happy about that, I even wanted to celebrate when I found out they had broken up, months before me and my mom moved to another house. I never heard from him ever since.



But that doesn't mean she stopped trying to date, now that I was finally old enough to see what the true nature of their relationship was. But ever since 'Uncle dad' though, I could never see myself getting attached to another guy that wanted to date my mom. I'm pretty much traumatized into thinking that relationships are the worst and all the guys that tried to pursue a relationship with my mom are all scums.



Which is the reason why I made this long post, there's currently another man is trying to date my mom. My mom would trick me to go outside to meet him and he would (desperately) try to win my favor by offering to buy me lots of food and snacks. She leaves me and the guy alone to get to know each other but I want nothing but to tell him to leave me and my mom alone. He's not acting different than any of the guys so far so I'm not convinced he's any better. I hate that he thinks he's good enough for my mom just by getting on my good side. I hate that my mom thinks I can accept just about anyone as a father figure. But I can't just tell my mom to break it off so I'm frustrated. I don't know what to do. I just want her to stop trying to see other men.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
d72efh,20/09/2019,6,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/d72efh/resentment_that_i_cannot_help/,step child,"My step mom and my dad have been together for more than half of my life and yet I still feel a deep hatred for her even though I do not want to. 





My dad and mother split when I was about 3 and when I was 8 my step mom and my dad got together and have been together ever since. She’s has been there for me like I’m her own child yet I still have this hatred for her deep down inside that I cannot get over. I have these thoughts that she’s the one who ruined my family (even though it is not true) and that she’s the reason I have the mental health problems that I have. I want to let go of this feeling but it is something I just cannot shake. She has been there for me in my most desperate times and she is so good to my brother and I. She says all the time how she loves us like her own and that she would do anything for us. She has been more of a mother than my own mom has been (I haven’t seen my bio mom in 10 years) but I still feel like i hate her. Has anyone else felt this/still feels this about their step parents?","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
ckpbm9,01/08/2019,13,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ckpbm9/my_stepfather_really_mixed_feelings/,step child,"My mum and real dad split up when I was young. It has nothing to do with my step dad btw. And when I was young I was a pretty bad kid when I met my step father. 

But times went on and I really began to grow attached to him. He's been there more than my actual father, and has  brought really good memories he still does now but it isn't the same.



When my mom decided to move out of my grandparents house and to move Into a new townhouse that HER name is under I can't help but to not take his shit anymore. It used to be that we would argue about stupid stuff and I'd get over it. What he does in a argument is that he'd say something like ""you don't do anything"" and stuff. I confront him and say I do. Then all I hear is 

""shut the fuck up"" and by then I'm pissed. Then he brings it back up and when I tell him to stop or something else he'll be like ""shut up before I come over there and ______""

Usually I blast music in my headphones or just leave the house/go upstairs and call my mom when she isn't home.

 



Now personally I cannot live without my mother she's defended me and she also pays bills and she is just that independent person. I look up to her and my grandfather. Sometimes when my stepfather and I argue and when he's in the wrong or after it's over. Her and him would argue about how they treat me. My mom tells at me when nessasary.





There are a few stories that I can tell also.

My stepfather wears lots of clothes of mine 

(I'm 5'11 & 1/2) one time when I told him he couldn't wear my clothes and that he has his own he'd get triggered. Then he'd continue to take my clothes and wear them. Or he says ""I'll remember that"" which in my opinion I he's the adult. I'm 15 he's 38 why do I have to let him have MY stuff. I did give him some shirts but only because I don't fit them anymore. I still have some lost shirts/hats and when I ask for them he's fine. It's when I tell him he can't have them that's when he gets upset..





Another time is when we where fighting about lemonade 

(Yes lemonade) one night, once again he starts the threat's and nonsense. I put the lemonade back and just go upstairs. Once again I'm 15 and the ""ADULT"" here is acting like a child and threatening over lemonade.







And another time once again this scenario has to do with my age. He started getting on me about getting a job. Despite the job I want you have to be at least 15 and a half. And I told him I'll get one during spring. This summer will be my last true summer break. He then kept bringing it back up and I told my mom to crank up the raido in the car. After that he went on about it when we were at parked at a friend's house. I told my mom finally to tell him to stop.  And she did but he then got mad at her and threatened me saying I'm going to be tasteing blood soon"" and that ""he will beat the shit outta me and my dad"". At that point I got out of the car. And said I'll walk home or you can drop him off. After that though he said he's sorry. I just said I don't wanna talk to him. I walked upstairs and went to my room.





Alot of these things have been building up my anger. Especially the fact that my little sister (she's 10) can say no and sometimes ignores them. My stepfather just says nothing or says ""you better stop"" something like that. When my mom has to actually punish her. 





One argument in thanks giving was when he was bragging about how he can beat anyone up. I was tired of his shit and told him that I could get my dad or someone else to beat him up, and that if that happens I'd hope to be able to see it. It escalated so much that I was punching the stairs and walls around the house. I want outside and ignored my mom who told me to come back inside. And I went upstairs and cried honestly.





But now it seems like he's just trying to start things. He talks about how he's ""dominant"" and how ""I'm not tough"" and how he can beat the shit outta me. Just stupid nonsense 



""shut the fuck up"" 

""you better watch your mouth""

""You do nothing around here""

""I WORK""

""Where's your dad?""

""Lazy""

""Little asshole""



At time once again my mom would explain that I do do things around here and he'd get mad and say that she should stop defending me. In my opinion k feel if I told people his actions and what he does he'd probably be in jail/people would be pissed, and he doesn't understand that. I could tell anyone anything but out of love for my mom and sister and a bit of love for him I'd let it go



What happened to this step son step dad was like a good one when I was younger. But now a love/hate relationship. More on the hate side for me. I sometimes just start having episodes when I sit there and think of arguments and get myself angry. Resorting to watching fight videos of stepparents. Or even when I look at him I can get angry. It also makes me sad though that I think of him that way.  He can ""love"" me all he wants as a step father. But I just can't look at him the same. I'll talk to him and well laugh at videos and stuff and have good times but it isn't the same. I will respect him as an adult and a human being. But as a man and a person. I just don't know anymore but as they say, things change... I'm not like others when I'm always down in the dumps but like I said I really have mixed feelings about my stepfather now.





I will never wish death on him. I will never wish bad luck on anyone I will never wish anything bad on anybody. And I'm going to feel bad for making this in the future but at the same time I will be glad to see your responses.

(Im sorry if this didn't make sense or if grammar is off)



Have a good day and stay safe!","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
cgmlgw,23/07/2019,6,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/cgmlgw/stepmonster_from_hell/,step child,"My stepmother is the perfect example of a wicked witch. My parents divorced when I was a just over a year old, and both were remarried by the time I was 3. While I love my stepfather, he's more of a dad than my actual dad and referred to as dad when I talk about him, I really can't say the same for my stepmother. For starters, my sister and I weren't allowed at their wedding but her three monster children were all in the wedding party. I was a toddler when they married but it always hurt when they'd pull out the wedding photo album and they'd (my biofather and stepmom) would coo and gush over how wonderful her children were in the wedding. She's also always picked fights with my sister, who was several mental conditions and anger issues, and it seems like she picks these fights as if she is trying to get her locked up in a mental hold. 



Another issue I've always had is that is constantly trying to one-up my mother, who is the most amazing woman because she bounced back from a marriage filled with abuse and cheating (my biodad has several children that were born during their marriage and mentally abused almost everyone in the family). From dying her hair the same color as my moms (creepy!) to trying to act like a mother to my little sister (who is from my moms remarriage) and all the way to trying to buy my older sister and I's love. But at the same time that she was doing all of this she was spewing hate and saying horrible things about my mom and dad. 



But, I haven't talked to both my stepmother and my biodad since the end of January of this year because of a text message she sent me. I'm in college and needed like $20 for grocery money, which doesn't seem so bad because they give my stepsiblings (who are in their upper 20s and early to mid 30s) hundreds of dollars each month that usually goes to drugs and alcohol. They transferred $25 into my bank account, which I planned to pay them back on with my next paycheck; but later that night my stepmother sent me a nasty text. In this text she insinuated that I was greedy and going to use the money for junk food and that I was nothing more than a greedy little gremlin who doesn't work for anything (by the way, I'm a full time student working 20 to 30 hours a week at an on campus job. When this happened it was after the winter break and I hadn't been paid in over a month due to how the system works). I was cooking dinner when she texted me, with the groceries I bought using the money they'd sent me, and I had to stop cooking because I was crying so hard in the kitchen of my dorm building and couldn't see the pierogis that I was trying to cook. 



These are only a few of my stepmonster from hell stories, but they're some of the biggest ones that have affected me the most in life.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
byscmp,10/06/2019,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/byscmp/stepmomster/,step child,"So my mom and dad broke up when I was 8 but made sure to divide my sister and my time with them during the week. Around age 11 my dad started dating this woman we'll call her CF (control freak).  SO... my dad and CF started dating and for the most part I liked her. She cooked us nice meals, and was kinda funny and sweet from what I could tell. My dad decided to buy a brand new house two freeway exits from her. My mom (dropping us off for his time that week) saw his new place and listened to him show off how much he has grown. She had tears of joy and said she wished he'd got it together while they were married. He then thought, ""what if we got back together. After all we aren't divorced just separated."" My mom agreed and my dad got my sister and I in the car to go to CF's house and end the relationship. At the time I was too young to be left alone (in my parents opinion) and my older sister has mild cerebral palsy and my mom went to her house to pack. I just remember sitting in the hot car waiting for the breakup to be over and done with. It felt like hours before he came out with a black trash bag of his things. He told us he told her ""My girls need their mother."" At the time I felt like that was a sweet thing to say but now as an adult I realize it was an easy way for him to copout of the relationship and place the blame on us. Anyway years pass and my parents were doing well the first couple of years until I found out my mom was on anti depressants and my dad was getting numerous calls from women he claimed he didnt know. I later find out he had been seeing other women while married to my mom and began seeing CF again. My mom finally decides to divorce him. Her self esteem was shot and she needed to salvage her life. I was so angry with her for not making it work but now know it wasn't possible. Fast forward 2 years and my dad finally reveals to me and my sister that he  ""just began"" seeing CF. I had already liked her so I was excited to see her and show off how much I have grown in the past 6 years. She again was quite nice. We would stay up read books together, shop together and watch TV. Oh yeah I could definitely see her as my future step mother. My dad finally proposes and slowly but surely i start to notice things I loved and held dear disappear. I was away for 2 weeks I later find she convinced my dad to give my dog to the pound. She would tell my dad she was cleaning my room and i notice things i had go missing like my diary. And then after the wedding they come back from the honeymoon to announce her pregnancy. All previous issues aside I was ecstatic. I had always wanted to be a big sister. They then told me I needed to give up my room for the baby. I asked where would I go. They said I'd share a room with my sister. I then informed them that I used to share a room with my sister and because of how different we were we would constantly fight and that option was simply implausible. My stepmom then said ""just because you're 18 and in college doesnt mean you're entitled to your own room. I then ask ""cant I just have the guest room downstairs? In the last 10 years that we've lived there the guest room was never used not once by anyone but me."" She then said,"" dont be stupid it's a guest room and you are not a guest."" So I said that I was moving in fulltime with my mom. My dad called me dramatic and said by a week I'll come crawling back. I sure as hell did not. But he tried to convince me to come back by revamping my sister's room with twin beds. I told him that only she will be staying over so just keep the 1. Eventually though because I didnt go my stepmom convinced my dad that she didnt need to come either. I slowly started to notice my dads family, his brothers, sister, my cousins, and especially my grandmother started treating me weird. My stepmom informed me that since I wasn't a good stepdaughter she pretended to care about my issues record my calls and trick my family into thinking I was saying bad stuff about them. My mother tried to reason with my grandmother to fix my relationship with her, and she told my mom that she knew she'd be calling because CF told her that my mom wants my dad back and will exhaust any and all options to make that happen. My mom then told her that was simply not true and that she would never want to be back with someone as mentally abusive as my dad who cheated on her with as far as she knew 8 women in their 20 year marriage. She then convinced my grandmother to have me over for a visit but she had said that CF had told her how conceited spoiled and selfish and entitled I am. She told me I needed to stay away from my dad so that he and CF can begin their new happily ever after and I needed to learn my place. I then knew I had no family with them so I cut out. The only family I needed was my then boyfriend now husband. From then on she maliciously acted against me and my sister by blocking us in my dads phone, threatening us in horrific texts, telling my dad she'll leave him if she finds out he spends time with us without her supervision, and telling people lies about us so our world becomes lonely. The only person she fears is my husband because he doesn't tolerate her bs. My dad tries to stand up to her and she says she'll hurt herself and tell the police he did it after all ""who'd they believe a dainty woman or a 6 foot tall black man."" Eventually my dad went from trying to defend us to defending her or saying were reading into situations beyond what they really are. So now 2 more kids later that took my sister's room and a 6 year marriage where my dad is complaining about how mean she is to him but ignores how she and his family treats us this is my reality.

 I constantly wonder if this many people believe her about me after knowing me years before her maybe I am spoiled conceited and selfish. But how could I be. Anytime she verbally attacked me or did anything malicious I would never respond just keep my head down and grit my teeth with tears. I had said we needed to get this together so we went to counseling last year because my dad agreed it was getting out of hand with his wife. He then once we got there turned on me and joined in on pointing fingers at me and blamed her behavior on post partum depression and that I was being insensitive because he was afraid of her and didnt want to look bad in front of his pastor who was the counselor. At the end she said ""are we good"" I nod but know this wasnt the end. My husband and I leave and he said ""this isnt over is it"" I said, ""no she's definitely going to keep harassing us. I just wish I could make this stop."" He asked ""why won't your dad just divorce her?"" I then said, ""because my dad says it's a sin and although cheating is a sin this is one that will be made known to everyone and who wants to be known a the guy who got divorced twice and has 5 kids from different marriages."" I was so angry because I warned him before he got married that she may do all of what she's done and he simply disagreed and said he wouldnt allow it. A week before my marriage my dad tried to do the same and say I was making a mistake. I told him God guided me to him and my dad said I didnt know Gods voice. My husband and I have been together since I was 16 and he's the only one who's stood by me stood up for me and loved me unconditionally.

My husband and I had gotten pregnant a week or so after the counseling session and left the military last year and moved into a house down the street from my dad. He lent me the car to go to a doctor's appointment but my stepmom harassed me into giving it back while he was at work even though it's an old beaten down car from the early 2000s and they have 2 brand new 2018 cars. my due date last December my husband went to work and I was super sick with a chest cold. I had money but my husband had our only car. I asked my dad if he could drive me to a fastfood restaurant. Since I was too I'll to get up and feed myself or cook. Of course I'd pay. He said no problem. He then pays from my food anyway and brings it to me instead when he arrived he put his arm thru the door to give me the food but couldn't hug me. I then saw her in their car glaring at me through their window. I then knew I shouldn't have asked my dad to help. My husband messaged me while I was eating saying CF messaged him saying the following...



CF: Why would OP call her dad and say she's starving all dramatic and expecting him to drop us his family to help???

Husband: I know she's sick today and probably too sick to cook so she's probably asking for help since I'm at work. 

CF: Can you make sure she doesn't do that anymore. Why would she think that's okay??

Husband: why anyone would want to spend time with their father is beyond me. But you know what it's none of our fucking business and I dont give a shit if you're upset with them having a relationship because as I previously stated it's none of our business and I am currently at work do not message me again.

CF: UMM RUDE MUCH? YOU NEED TO LEARN RESPECT AND SHOULD BE ASHAMED YOU CAN'T EVEN TAKE CARE OF YOUR WIFE. LEARN HOW TO BE A REAL ADULT AND LEAVE US ALONE.



I later found out what was said and was mortified. But honored he defended me like that. I later told my dad what happened and said to not do me favors ever again. He told me she told him if he went to feed me she'd harass me and my husband and make us sorry. He said he was sorry and that when he got home she said ""LOOK WHAT OP'S HUSBAND SAID TO ME ARE YOU GOING TO LET HIM TALK TO ME LIKE THAT?!"" he simply said that's what she gets for attacking us. On Christmas eve I gave birth to my son and made it clear to my dad his wife isn't allowed me or my husband and especially not my son. He understood. At the hospital he came in and told my husband not to talk to his wife like that again even though he understood why he did. I WAS PISSED. My husband was the only one who stood up to her for me and he was taking away from that. I ended up putting it out of my head so I can focus on the joy of my new family. But I have to be honest this relationship costs way more than it's worth. And that's what I realized 2 weeks ago. My grandfather passed away. And I had to go be with the family. The whole time CF was waiting on my grandma hand and foot to keep up appearances and kept getting mad at me for doing things that helped because it took away from her attention. She then started getting close to my son knowing how mad itd make me and passive aggressively hugging me and smiling smug at me from across the room knowing I made it clear I never wanted to see her again or have her meet my son. When she tried to hug me goodbye I ignored her and my family was looking at me like I was a bitch. I then caved and hugged her. She smiled a shit eating grin and said ""your baby is sooooooo beautiful I'm so glad I got to see him."" I then fumed and rolled my eyes. All things considered I felt like I handled the day pretty well. Until i had 2 anxiety attacks that weekend i then went out with a friend got locked out of the house and had to sleep in my car with the busted window that broke a couple says ago and I caught a cold. While I was in the car... all I could think was how angry I was at my dad. He lived right down the street from me and I could not call him otherwise I'd get harassed for asking for help. I then realized my issue was really with him and only partially her because HE is my dad and should be there for his kids. My sisters on. Bowling league that he used to take her to every Tuesday and she made him stop. I raged and blocked him on everything including my phone. I wasn't going to allow him to take away from my life and my family. My son deserves a present mother and my husband deserves a strong wife and my sister deserves a real family. 



My mom made my dad spend time with me a week later. He told me so many lies to try to appease me to not lose our relationship and so I'd go to the funeral. He even at random brought up his ex (one he cheated on my mom with) and how she knew his dad and wanted to comfort him and he was thinking of visiting her soon. I just felt disgusted but spent the day with him. Idk what tomorrow is going to bring us in our relationship but I honestly need help and advice... my husband is great support but all of his suggestions require violence and anger and confrontation because he hates seeing me hurt. 



I honestly dont see this ever ending... it's been a 12 year affair.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
bibzm6,28/04/2019,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/bibzm6/demeaning_stepdad/,step child,"So my mum began her relationship with my SD only 1 year after my dad passed away in 2011 and were then married 4 years later. My mum is my best friend in the world and our family is like home. Loving and fun and the best, so I was surprised when they came home from a holiday and told me they were engaged, no one in our family had any idea and I awkwardly cried in front of them both, and had to try and say I was happy through tears, but I was shocked and unsure. He hadn’t really fit in with our family and we all just assumed their relationship wouldn’t last and my mum was lonely (my mum and Dad had been together since she was 14) I know we all grieve differently and I know my mum will always love my dad and misses him a lot but I just don’t understand how she married such a demeaning, horrible, odd man. 



My mum has always been a strong person, but she is the complete opposite with him. They have only recently started living together (1 year) and he sold his house and moved into our family home, but since then he has got worse. He belittles her, yells and swears at her. When they have an argument he won’t talk and will ignore her, block her calls and sometimes go stay at his work (he has his own business) and won’t tell her if he’s coming home. 



He expects my mum do all the ‘wifely duties’, cook and clean for him, make his lunch and he never helps around the house (she has had to hire a handyman). If my mum is sick he gets angry at her for not going to work and will never ask how she feels or offer affection. My mum recently asked him to care a little more and he turned around and said that everything is all about her and called her a little bitch and left. 



He has very strong religious and racist views, which is so opposite of my mum. If she snores he will yell ‘fuck off’ so loudly it wakes her up and sometimes will push her in the back so hard it jolts her awake. He says that her house is not theirs (which I understand it would be strange to move in to the family home) but says that he respects her house and abides by her rules when he is there so she needs to abide by his rules at work (my mum works for him). 



I’m 28f and know that there’s not much I or my older brother can do, but it is so hard to hear all these things from my mum, watch her cry and be scared when he comes home and always tread on eggshells around him. He has never hit her but to me this is mental abuse. I have spoken to my mum about it but she doesn’t want to make things worse so always just let’s it slide and gets over it and they never sort out their problems. She doesn’t seem happy, she says she looks forward to the good times in their relationship. 



He acts like everything is fine around us and out of respect for my mum and to not make things worse for her I can’t say anything to him. I am struggling to keep pretending that I like him and get really worked up and sad about it. I don’t even want to look at him but have to act like it’s all fine when I go around to visit but I just don’t know if I can anymore. My mum is not my mum with him and it’s so hard to watch. I wish I could yell at him and tell him how horrible he is being but I know I can’t and I want to scream so loudly. I know my mum knows we don’t like him a lot but recently I’ve considered telling her that I just can’t pretend anymore and that I can’t be around him but I know that would break her heart. I love my mum with all my heart and have no idea what to do. I’m pretty sure the answer is nothing. There is nothing I can do but just hope she realises the negative impact he has on our family and the hold he has over her. I’m not hopeful. Any advice would be amazing.","Strained relationships with stepparents, family members and sibling conflicts"
yc0tsn,24/10/2022,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/yc0tsn/am_i_wrong_for_loving_both_my_stepmoms/,step child,"When I (14m) was 9 my parents got divorced because my dad (39m) cheated on my mom (40f)  with Christie (35f). I was sad they were getting divorced and I didn’t take any side.





My mom met Angela (32f) when I was 10 and married her when I was 11 and my dad married Christie when I was 12.





I will be honest and say that I love Christie and Angela they both treat me like I’m their own son and me and Christie have lots of shared interests while me and Angela are both huge movie nerds so we like to watch films together. I feel bad for loving my stepmoms so much and I feel like I should hate Christie for being my dad’s mistress but I just can’t bring myself to hate her.





Yesterday Christie dropped me off at my mom’s and I said “bye Christie I love you”. My mom overheard and looked upset but didn’t say anything. Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love my mom but we just don’t have many things in common so we don’t tend to hang out a lot when I’m at her house instead it’s just me and Angela that hang out. Christie also tends to help me with my homework since my mom is just not very good with it and is also quite busy so me and Angela spend time alone together most of the time and it’s always fun to hear her stories about her family and her funny stories from back in her home country (she is Australian). 





I love my stepmoms just as much as my real mom and I feel bad about it so am I wrong for loving my stepmoms?",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
yxqykg,17/11/2022,1,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/yxqykg/is_it_okay_that_i_love_my_stepparents_as_much_as/,step child,"Throwaway account btw





I (15m) have broken up parents (they were never married). My mom (38f) and my momma (40f) broke up when I was 11. They have since moved on and have been dating other people.





My mom has been with my stepmom Katie (36f) for the last 3 years and they got married 5 months ago. Katie has always treated me like I’m her own and has told me that she loves me like if I was her own son. My momma has been with my other stepmom Sheri (41f) for the past two years and they will be getting married in January.





Sheri has also been another mom to me and has always tried to be a great stepmom to me. I honestly love my stepmom’s as much as my real moms and I feel bad about that, I don’t

Know why but I do. Anyways my birthday is coming up in about a week and I really want all 4 of my moms to be there but it falls on my momma’s custody time and I’m scared she will say no.





I don’t know what to do and I’m looking for advice on how to ask my momma and I’m also wondering if it’s okay to love all 4 of them the same. Can anyone help me?",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
pu83fs,24/09/2021,18,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/pu83fs/i_need_advice/,step child,"&#x200B;



Hi reddit. I made this throwaway because I really need a stepparents/stepkids advice. I wanted someone to tell me if im wrong for feeling upset. I feel like i’m being selfish, which makes me feel like terrible. My parents divorced at a very young age because my birth father was really abusive to my mom and I haven’t seen him since. My mom married my stepdad when I was (16f) was 5 and they had my younger brothers and sister.



Sometimes i feel like i don’t belong, and that they would be this perfect family where everyone is related if i didn’t exist. i’m scared that my mom resents me because if i didn’t exist then maybe she would have no remains of my dad. i’m scared that she hates me because maybe she could have left sooner if she didn’t get pregnant with me. i’m scared my stepdad hates me because i’m assuming he hates me dad. i’m scared he thinks that i’m wasting his money because i’m not his kid. i’m scared that he doesn’t love me at all, because i already know that i’m probably the least loved in the house. I’m scared that he only deals with me because he loves my mom and not because he wants me. I really wish he was my real dad



I’m so scared to be anything less than perfect because his love is conditional. i’m so tired of trying to be perfect so that he doesn’t hate me. i babysit my siblings, i have a job, i get good grades, i play a sport, i always clean, and i’m not disruptive or rude at home.



i feel bad for feeling guilty because at least my mom didn’t leave me with my dad, and at least i get to have enough to eat, and that i get a room, and the opportunity to do lots of things. i know a lot of people don’t get these things. I’m so tired of feeling like i’m not enough, and a burden. I just want to relax. Usually i’m ok, but i haven’t been able to stop crying recently. Everyone is asking why I’m upset but I just tell them i’m stressed about school so they leave me alone.



I love my stepdad and wish he was my real dad, and I obviously love my mom



&#x200B;



edit: I talked to my stepdad. He told me that he didn’t know that I felt the way I did, and had no reason to worry. He told me that I made him a dad and that he will always love me just the same. He told me that my dad was a bad person but he doesn’t hate me because of what he did. He said that I was part of the reason he married my mom. He said that i can make mistakes and he would still love me even if he was mad at me. he told me that he had always wanted to adopt me but didn’t want to pressure me, and that he would love me the same even if I said no. He said if I said yes and my bio dad made it impossible, he’d adopt me the day i turn 18. He said his love for me in unconditional. I told him i want him to adopt me and he was so happy he cried. thank you for your advice!



i talked to my mom! She didn’t even know that I was stressed. She said that she loved me and that no part of her resents me. she said i gave her the courage to leave my dad. She said my stepdad loves me and that they’re both proud of me and need me in their lives. She said that i am a part of her and will always be. she said that i’m allowed to make mistakes and that it’s ok and she’d be there. but she said i should continue being good if i could haha",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
gg66i7,09/05/2020,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/gg66i7/i_got_an_amazing_step_dad/,step child,It’s around 3 years and extremely kind and concerned about me and my sisters wellbeing. I also went from Cs and Ds to straight As.  He’s been nothing but helpful.,Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
110tl55,12/02/2023,9,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/110tl55/i_treated_my_stepmom_poorly_and_feel_awful_about/,step child,"Hey everyone, I'm (16m) and my mom died when I was 8 years old. My Dad remarried to my stepmom Elizabeth (34f) when I was around 10 years old. Elizabeth or Lizzie as she likes to be called has always treated me with kindness and love, I have not reciprocated it. In fact I treated her poorly for a long time because I thought she was trying to come in and replace my mom. Last year my Dad got sick and now he's in hospice care, my Dad asked Lizzie to become my legal guardian so I wouldn't be seperated from my siblings (5f and 3m), and because my dad's side of the family isn't involved in my life. Its only taken this for me to realize how much Lizzie loves me and now I feel awful cause of the way I treated her for years. I want to apologize and make it up to her but don't know how to, can any fellow stepkids or stepparents or just anyone in general help me please?



&#x200B;



tldr-I treated my stepmom Lizzie badly and now want to apologize but don't know how to.",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
mo5yqr,10/04/2021,1,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/mo5yqr/step_dad_troubles/,step child,"My parents had an awful divorce when I was 2 and my mom got 100% custody of the kids. My mom had always been a single mom and there was never an issue with that. She never talked about wanting a partner or anything and even talked about how she would never get married again. My mom and I have always been very close. We’d watch movies or tv shows together whenever we had time and talk constantly. 



When I was 15 she met and married a guy within 6 months of knowing him. It’s been over 3 years now and they’re incredibly happy together. I love that he makes her happy but he’s always made it a competition for my moms attention/love. We didn’t get along great but I’ve never had a dad/father figure before. He’s kind of an angry man and super small things would set him off at times. We are both very headstrong and opinionated people who would argue and my poor mom would get in the middle of it. Now that I’ve moved out, everything has been mostly good between us. 



He had surgery a few days ago to get a growth removed and the doctor said it looks cancerous but they won’t know for sure for a few more days. We’ve never been friends or anything but the thought of him dying is terrifying. I know cancer doesn’t = death but I didn’t think I would have such a big reaction to the possibility of losing him. He’s the first man my mom has truly loved since my bio father and at this point he’s a part of our family (even though none of us liked him at the beginning). I just don’t know what to do.",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
10vinlk,06/02/2023,7,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/10vinlk/i_would_like_advice/,step child,"Hey uhh, throwaway account. To really anyone, I would like some advice



Do any of you stepkids call your non bio parents mom/dad? If so do you have any advice considering I have a stepfather and he has become a really big inspiration and part of my life since my bio dad passed away in 2018 and he’s been in my life almost 5 years now. 



I am considering starting to call him my dad due to the fact that is how I see him and he has done so much for me within the past 5 years. And I feel like it would be the finishing thing to do. 



He already knows and acknowledges that he is my stepfather. But he has become more of a dad to me. And so from your perspective. What would be the do’s and don’t’s to this situation and how could I go about it in your opinion?



As well of the fact I am up to the idea of starting to consider him as my dad because I am finally starting to accept the loss of my bio dad. I am more than up to calling him dad now and have been considering asking him to adopt me. In your own view as a fellow stepkid, what next steps do you recommend I take?",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
117tdpt,21/02/2023,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/117tdpt/stepmom_told_me_she_was_proud_of_me_today/,step child,"So I am (15m) and I have a Stepmom named Julie (40f). She married my dad last year, my mom has been dead for the last 5 years. Julie has tried her hardest to bond with me but we just don't have many similar interests. So I had a soccer game yesterday and she was the one who came out and watched me. So me and my team managed to win and after the game Julie came up and hugged me and kissed my forehead and told me how she was so proud of me. We then went home and later I was checking social media and saw that she posted how she was becoming a ""soccer mom"" due to me winning. Im glad she's my stepmom.",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
lsqmbf,26/02/2021,10,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/lsqmbf/sm_miscarriage/,step child,"I’m 14 and I have a stepmom who I really like. She isn’t the first stepmom I’ve had and I’ve known her for around a year now. We get along really well, watch TV together, etc. A month ago she told us she was pregnant and me and my older brother were excited. We have 4 half siblings so we definitely like kids in this family. Today she told me she’s going to get an ultrasound and she was worried because she’s been bleeding. My dad is out of town and I felt really bad because she had to go alone. When she came back, I asked how it went and she said not good. We took the dog for a walk and she kind of blurted out that there won’t be a baby. I told her it’s okay and that I’m sorry and we changed the subject kind of quickly. She went right up to bed when we got back and I don’t know what to do. I want to give her space, but I don’t want her to feel alone. My mom offered kind words and I’m unsure if I should relay them to my SM. My dad won’t be back for a couple days and I don’t want her to sit alone until then. I was thinking I’ll let her be alone tonight and tomorrow I’ll get her churros or chips or ice cream maybe. Any thoughts or suggestions? 



I’m fine by the way, I know that these things happen and I didn’t get my hopes up much just in case. I just don’t want her to feel alone or have too horrible an experience",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
11bd702,25/02/2023,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/11bd702/my_stepdad_passed_and_i_hate_my_new_one_how_do_i/,step child,"My parents divorced when I was about six years old. My dad had some drug problems growing up and has been absent since the divorce. Not long after my mom met a guy, we'll call him G. G was incredibly nice to me and did so many fun things. He had a few kids close in age to me and it was fun to have siblings. He bought boats every summer and we would go boating every summer. He had a nice house too and he was a good role model. I loved having him around. I played a bunch of sports and was a straight A student and was incredibly happy. As the years went on my dad got terminally ill. I was super worried for him and G was very supportive and even befriended my dad. He was really a truly amazing guy. He might be one of the most amazing guys I've ever known. Sadly. as the years went on, he started battling with his kids and drinking as well. He seemed to be incredibly depressed and sadly took his own life. I took the death pretty hard. My life wasn't that great outside of when he was around and it just spiraled from there. My grades slipped, I quit sports, and I had no desire to make friends or do anything outside of sitting in my room doing nothing. A year or so later, my mom started dating again. I'll admit it hurt but I knew she needed to move on and so did I. She has been going out with this guy and I cannot stand him. I tried to do some reflection with a therapist about it, it isn't that I don't like him because he's not G, its that I just cannot stand him. He's from New York and has the most obnoxious personality. He had a gold tooth and has the most obnoxious stories of when he sold drugs in Queens back in the eighties. He doesn't listen to anyone but himself. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. What is so annoying is how he grabs my mom and cuddles with her on the couch. It is so disgusting to me that I actually dry heave. At least when I have a boyfriend or guy over I keep to myself and stay quiet. Whats worse is I get little to no warning about it. He even ruined my birthday.  When I turned seventeen he threw me a birthday party. He made fun of me the whole time and mauled my mom. It was so uncomfortable I almost called one of my guy friends to pick me up from my own birthday party. But thats not the worst of it. On the way there he kept insulting the homeless people on the side of the road. I couldn't believe he was doing that. I was so pissed off. Then on the way back he kept insulting them even after I told him to stop. I kept telling my mom to pull the car over and that I will walk home. After that, I didn't get one direct apology or even word from him. I am currently a senior in high school and am going out of state for college in the fall. I am trying to be polite but I cannot stand him so much I just come off as rude. This was a lot longer than I expected but I think I just need some advice or words to get me through until fall. Im hoping that I can do it without loosing my mind or ruining a relationship with my mom.",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
lthl10,27/02/2021,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/lthl10/how_should_i_write_a_letter_to_my_stepmom/,step child,"(Fair Warning this is going to be long so you can kind of understand the backstory)



My parents divorced when I was 4 years old. My Dad got full custody of me, my twin sister and my older brother not because of issues with my Mom but because she felt we were better off with our Dad(Neither parent ever said bad things about the other). Growing up, my biological parents lived in different states and we would visit our Mom on school breaks. 



Anyways, my Dad re-married to my stepmother who he is still married to too this day when I was 6 to 6 1/2 Years of Age. When she married my Dad she had no kids of her own. She must've really loved my Dad and had a lot of courage to marry a single father with full custody of his 3 children(shortly after down to 2 because my older brother wanted to go live with our Mom not because of our stepmom but because he missed her) with no children of her own at the time and become essentially, a stay-at-home Mom(though later had 2 children with my Dad).



Looking back, I realize she did a LOT for me. She was the mother figure in the house who occupied that role and cooked, taught us manners and how to do chores, helped us and did the maternal side of things. She took me to doctors and orthodontist appointments, said nightly prayers with us, comforted us, helped with homework, when I was little before I could make my own school lunch she would write notes in our lunches about how she loved us, played board games with me, talked about life, yelled at this one girl who was bullying me in the 3rd grade to get her to stop, went to parent teacher and IEP Conferences, etc...etc...



I remember when I was young i.e. pre-8th grade I'd tell people sometimes that she's my stepmom but might as well be my Mom. I guess she was the one who was there in that role. My mother never felt like an absent parent and I talked to her a lot on the phone but, it was pretty hard not having her around physically on a regular basis if you know what I mean. If she said yes to something it felt more official than if my Dad said so. I cannot remember a single time growing up where I ever felt like she was jealous of me and/or did not want my Dad to spend time with me or my other two siblings.



My Dad is an amazing father who has done a LOT for all of his children and is very loving and caring on a deep level. However, he is not really capable of discipline i.e. he lacks a backbone and if I ever got told ""wait until your Dad gets home"" I would not have been worried or scared at all. Sadly that meant she had to be the bad guy most of the time in terms of rule enforcement and discipline and obviously that's not easy to deal with as the stepparent and must've been frustrating to deal with at times. Honestly, if she had never entered the picture me and my siblings could've EASILY turned out to be spoilt brats.



I usually felt loved by her and she always meant right by me but, at times we would butt heads and have our differences. Sadly at times we would REALLY butt heads to the point where I decided for the 9th grade to go live with my Mom and then came back because I really missed my hometown and friends and the school I went to. I am diagnosed with Autism and while I am high-functioning now, through the 3rd grade, I was one of those kids that had a helper with them so that meant while I was not a bad child I was not the easiest child to deal with. 



 I remember a lot of times growing up at dinner she would seem absolutely drained and stressed out and now I can see why. It is not easy to be a stay-at-home parent to four children and cook meals and deal with all of that while most of the time having to be the bad guy who enforces rules.



Looking back though, I am fortunate and grateful she entered my life. Her family all accepted me to the point where I never say step-uncle or step-grandma I just say grandma and uncle because they might as well be. I never felt like I wasn't treated equally or ever felt like an outsider. I do not label my two younger siblings as half-siblings but just siblings because they might as well be, I grew up with them and they are not half people but full. I would not be the man I am today had she never entered my life. She taught me a lot and tried her best to do what she felt was right for me even if at the time I was NOT happy with it. I am grateful that because of her entering my life, I had a two-parent household, had a maternal influence growing up and she did a lot of mothering things that at times was probably not super easy for her to do especially when I was little due to my being Autistic.



There were times when I had been disrespectful to her that I feel bad about. Nothing horrible but, typical kid stuff that I would want to apologize to her for. Despite the fact we are not close, I believe that growing up she did love me and wanted the best for me and I still feel that she cares about me and wants to me to succeed and be a happy, well-adjusted and successful adult.



Sadly, to this day we are not close. If we cross paths she is friendly and we talk and at times she has sent texts saying things like ""It was good to see you"" ""Glad you got the job"" ""Happy Birthday"", etc...etc... Due to personality clashes, butting heads and what-not our relationship got somewhat strained from 2015 to 2019-ish though at times we would cross paths 2017-2019 and she'd be friendly and i'd be friendly back. Both my Mom and Dad said she feels a lot of guilt about how things turned out and wishes things would've gone better between us as do I. I realize I am very lucky that she entered my life and overall, she made my life and me as a person, of better quality.",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
ylb8ln,03/11/2022,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ylb8ln/is_it_okay_that_i_love_both_my_mom_and_my_stepmom/,step child,"Hello I (15m) have divorced parents. They divorced when I was 6. My dad (39m) met my stepmom Cheri (44f) when I was 7 and they married when I was 10. My mom (37f) on the other hand has never really had a stable relationship. 





For example her first boyfriend didn’t have any interest in me so she dumped him. Her second one tried to come in and act like he was my dad and would actively pick fights with my dad. Her third boyfriend tried to get her to either move with him or have her custody days changed so I wouldn’t be with her as often, that pissed her off and she thankfully dumped that pos last year.





Anyways I have always been fairly close with Cheri and she is basically my second mom and I love her a lot. Cheri has always been there for me and is the one parent in my life that I feel the most comfortable to talk too. Now my mom has always seemed jealous that I love Cheri and what really set her off was when I called Cheri momma when I was 12. 





Cheri recently told me that if I wanted to I could call her mom but I don’t know if it would upset my mom. I love both of them but I don’t want to upset anyone. Does anyone have advice?",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
ygqkrg,29/10/2022,6,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ygqkrg/should_i_call_my_stepmom_just_mom/,step child,"My (16m) stepmom Toni (38f) has been in my life since I was 5. My mom passed away when I was 3. Toni has really been the only mom I can remember having. My dad didn’t erase my bio mother from my life as I have some photos and videos of her in our house but aside from that I don’t really have much to remember her by. I do still see my maternal family as well but a few years ago we moved to a different state and so now I only see them sometimes in the summer when I stay with them.





Toni really has been the only mom I have had for a long time. I remember that she was the one that helped me when I broke my leg when I was 8 and she drove me to the hospital and stayed with me every chance she could. When I was younger she was the one that read me bedtime stories and would kiss me on the forehead and tell me goodnight. Toni was the one that would help me with homework and Toni was the one who always made sure I was happy and well taken care of. 





I absolutely love and adore Toni and she is without a doubt in my mind “my” mom. Now I have wanted to call Toni mom for a really long time but I’ve been to scared to ask her if it was okay to or not. I really don’t know how to ask her and a tiny part of me feels like I would be betraying my bio mom’s memory by asking so I don’t know what to do.





Please help me internet strangers.",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
ywiqg7,16/11/2022,9,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ywiqg7/my_16m_stepmom_just_asked_to_adopt_me_and_i_dont/,step child,"Hi this is a throwaway account cause I don’t want it traced back to my og one.





My mom died when I was 7 and my dad (38m) married my stepmom Rachel (44f) when I was 8. A part of me feels like he moved on too quick but I  realize it was his life and he deserved to be happy again but they got married just after 6 months of dating.





Rachel has always respected my boundaries and has treated me like her own. I love Rachel a lot but I don’t think she could ever really be “my mom”, when I think of my parents I think of my mom and dad first and her as secondary. It doesn’t mean I don’t love her I just don’t love her the same as my mom.





Well tonight my dad had to work late so it was just me and Rachel. We were watching a movie when she said she wanted to ask me an important question. I asked what was up and she told me that she knows I still miss my mom and that it’s completely fine but that she also really loves me and that it’s up to me but she would like to adopt me because she loves me so much and wants me to have the benefits of an adoption. 





She gave me time to think and I honestly don’t know what to do. Apart of me wants to say yes and another part of me wants to say no. I still love and miss my mom so much but I also love Rachel and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I have to choose between my real mom and my second mom and I don’t know who to choose. 





Can anyone give me advice cause I really need it.",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
yvjcqz,15/11/2022,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/yvjcqz/how_do_i_start_calling_my_stepmom_mom/,step child,"I’m (17 male) my mom died when I was 6 and my dad (46 male) married my stepmom Rebecca (49 female) when I was 9. I will admit I have always been what you would call a ‘mama’s boy’, so when my mom died I was absolutely devastated and so when Rebecca came along I immediately attached myself to her.





Rebecca had been an amazing mom to me and I absolutely love her and she is the person I look up to the most. She told me she was t trying to replace my real mom but that she wanted to be a good stepmom to me. Rebecca has always introduced me as her son and when she had my two little sisters (6 female and 4 female) she said that she had 2 daughters and 1 son.





I have always viewed Rebecca as my mom and so now I want to start calling her mom. I’m just really nervous and I kind of feel like it would be hurtful and disrespectful to my real mom’s memory to do so. I don’t know what to do at all so can anyone help me?",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
yv7mru,14/11/2022,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/yv7mru/just_asked_my_stepmom_to_adopt_me/,step child,"So my (15m) stepmom Janice (29f) has been in my life since I was 9 but not as my stepmom. My bio mom has never been in my life so it was mostly just me and my dad (36m) for a while. Janice was my history teacher and she met my dad at parent teacher conferences. 





Within two years they were married. Janice has always been the mom I never had and I love her to death. I started calling her mom when I was 12. Yesterday was her birthday and I had wanted Janice to adopt me for a long time now but I was too scared to ask.





So during her birthday dinner I handed her a card that asked if she would adopt me. She cried and said absolutely. I love my mom and I can’t wait to have her become my legal mom.





Anyways thought I would share something positive. Have a lovely day!",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
ysw3d4,12/11/2022,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/ysw3d4/how_to_start_calling_my_stepmom_37f_just_mom/,step child,"Hello I’m (14m). My bio mom has never really bothered to be in my life. When I was 2 she had an affair with her boss and then moved to Nevada with him and left me and my dad. She signed her parental rights away when I was 3. 





My dad (43m) met my stepmom Vanessa (37f) when I was 6 and they got married when I was 9. She adopted me when I was 10 and she has always treated me like I’m her own child and has always called me her son. I love Vanessa a lot and I want to call her mom but I’m not sure.





I’m not sure because the word ‘mom’ for me carries a negative connotation due to my bio mom walking out on me and never bothering to see me after birthing me and raising me for two years. It hurts even more because I have old home videos of her and I see her saying how much she loves me and it sucks. 





Anyways Vanessa has always been there for me and I love her so much and I want advice on how to start calling her mom. Does anyone have advice for me?",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
12testk,20/04/2023,7,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/12testk/how_do_i_get_my_stepmom_to_stop_being_so/,step child,"Me (15 male), my stepmom Marjorie (45 female)



I've known my stepmom Marjorie since I was a little kid. My parents got divorced and my real mom was fully out of the picture by the time I was eight. My dad married Marjorie when I was seven. After my mom was out of the picture Marjorie really stepped up and became a mother figure to me and  I am greatly appreciative of her. Last year my dad passed away suddenly in a car accident and it seems as if ever since then Marjorie has always been very overprotective of me. She was made my legal gurdian after he died so that is why im still with her and not other family. Marjorie no longer lets me go out with friends after school, won't even let me stay up late on the weekends, has this need to be around me most of the day, won't let me get a job, etc, etc. I love her but it is super annoying, whenever I am around her she basically clings to me and acts like if I want to be left alone then I am abandoning her. She attempts to spend every waking moment with me when sometimes I just want to be left alone. On top of all that she keeps babying me and acting like she has to help me with EVERYTHING, whether it be from doing my laundry to making a sandwhich. I love my stepmom, I really do but I am just tired of her being so overprotective. Can anyone please help me with this?",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
zb1cam,02/12/2022,1,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/zb1cam/my_step_mom_told_me_i_mean_the_world_to_her/,step child,"My (14 male) birth mom died giving birth to me. My dad married my (step) mom Vanessa (41f) when I was 3. Vanessa is the best mom I could have ever asked for. She’s always shown me motherly love and has always been there for me. 





My dad got sick and passed away last year and Vanessa was made my legal guardian. Vanessa and I took it really hard and we will always miss him. But now we have moved on and been living happy since. Vanessa told me she might try dating again but she isn’t sure. Anyways we had a pretty good day today, when she picked me up from school we sat on our couch together and watched a movie.





Afterwards she helped me with homework and then she told me that I mean the world to her and that it doesn’t matter what anyone says, she will always be my mom. It kind of made me cry a little. Well just wanted to share something positive on this sub, hope you have a great day!",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
z23h4z,22/11/2022,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/z23h4z/just_started_calling_my_stepmom_mom/,step child,"My (14 male) real mom died when I was 5 and my stepmom Emily (38f) married my dad (34m) when I was 8. I love Emily a lot and she is the only mom I have memories of. Emily has always been the most loving and caring person I know even when she was just dating my dad she would babysit me and do all the mom stuff like read me stories, play with me,just do fun things with me,etc.





Today I decided that Emily deserves to have the title of mom so when she made breakfast this morning I said “thank you mom”. Her face just lit up and she gave me a huge hug and told me that she loves me more than anything. I love my mom.",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
xt345p,01/10/2022,7,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/xt345p/my_stepparents_are_awesome/,step child,"So I (15m) have been reading some of the posts on here and they are all mostly depressing (ie stepparents treating you like crap etc) so I wanted to remind people that there are good stepparents out there



My stepmom Sophia is one of the kindest women ever and she has always treated me like one of her own kids (she has 2 my brother Jay and sister Emily) and yesterday after me and my boyfriend (14m) went to our school’s homecoming dance she picked me up and she told me how proud she was of me for asking a boy to go with me which was something she never got the courage to do afterwards we got ice cream and went home.



My stepdad John is an awesome guy due to me and him being the only males at my mom’s house (other than me and him it’s just my mom,twin sister,and sister Sarah) we tend to spend a lot of time together.One time he took me fishing and it was really fun even though we only caught a couple fish and he has told me that even though I’m not his biological kid he will always see me as his son.



So I hope this made someone’s day better knowing that there are stepmoms and stepdads that love their step kids as much as their own kids



Have a wonderful day",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
yo8vsu,07/11/2022,6,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/yo8vsu/is_it_bad_that_i_love_my_stepmother/,step child,"Hello I (14f) have known my stepmom Lauren (37f) since I was 8. My parents divorced because my dad (41m) cheated with Lauren but they kept me shielded from the divorce and my mom (46f) has never spoken badly of my dad.





Now I need to say that I absolutely love my mom. We are extremely close and I love her a lot but last year she moved two hours away so now I only see her every other weekend. Now I also need to say is that I also love Lauren alot. 





Lauren has always sort of been my second mom and 4 years ago she gave birth to my baby brother. Yesterday Lauren told me that if I wanted to call her mom I could. Now I do want to but I feel like because she is an affair partner it would be disrespectful to my mom. I just don’t know what to do and I really need advice.",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
rhxdmc,16/12/2021,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/rhxdmc/what_should_i_get_my_redneck_stepdad_for_christmas/,step child,"My stepdad loves outdoors, fishing, meat, country music, drinking, he’s a truck driver. I want to get him something nice for Christmas but I’m so far from all that so I’m having a hard time. Ideas?",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
11livs8,08/03/2023,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/11livs8/my_stepmom_had_my_baby_siblings_today/,step child,I am (16m) and I've known my stepmom Abby (38f) since I was twelve. Abby is a wonderful person and a great mom. She stepped up to be my mom when I didn't have one and she has always treated me like her own son. When she and my dad told me she was pregnant I was ecstatic as I have always wanted siblings. Today she gave birth to my baby sister and baby brother and I couldn't be happier. When I held them for the first time my heart just melted and when we took a photo Abby had me stand next to her and she told me that she know has three beautiful children. I love my stepmom so much.,Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
11dnogv,27/02/2023,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/11dnogv/i_love_my_stepmom_more_than_my_mom_and_i_dont/,step parent,"When I was 12 years old, my Dad had an affair with my now stepmom A. A was my Dad's assistant. My Mom and Dad got divorced and because my Dad had a better job he had to pay child support. I know it sounds bad but I love A much more than my mom and I honestly understand why my dad cheated. My mom is not a good person, she is narcassitic and extremely entitled and throws fits when she doesn't get what she wants. I remember security had to drag her out of a store because she threw a fit about earrings not being the price she wanted. She is an insufferable person and it is hard to be around her, let alone live with. She was never apprecitive of my dad so I can understand he got lonely and had an affair. I now live with my dad most of the time (im 14 so i can chose who I want to live with) and A has treated me like how a mom should. Even though we have a much smaller age gap (she is 26) she has still been more of a mom to me in two years than my real mom has my entire life. She helps me with homework,actively tries to spend time with me and is clearly a much better person. Im glad my dad chose to be with her because she is a wonderful person. I just want to know if anyone else has a situation similar to this?",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
11jje79,06/03/2023,18,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/11jje79/help_i_15f_am_in_love_with_my_stepdad/,step child,"So where can i begin?



My Stepdad (34) is with my Mam and me since i was 6.

I was happy to see my mam happy and to have a friend to play with.



Over the Years we became close, he calls me princess and i am allowed to call him dad, and unlike my real dad, he was always with me, supported me, helped me with homework, cheered on sportevents, and listens to whatever i have to vent. I can really say he is the Person i trust the most, even more than my Mam.



I told him a lot of times that i love him and he tells me the same. 



Last week, i was in Bed with Periodpain (didnt do my chores), so when he came back from work, he heated up a pillow to put on my belly, made my favourite drink (honeymilk, if you dont know it, try), kissed my forehead and told me to relax, he takes care of me.



And since then i feel different about him. i dont love him anymore, i am in love with him.

I know its wrong, to him and to my mam, i dont want to ruin my life and i cant talk to my mam, or my stepdad or anyone, how do i get rid of it?",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
z0m24u,21/11/2022,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/z0m24u/how_do_i_build_a_good_relationship_with_my_stepmom/,step child,"My (13m) parents have been divorced since I was 7. My mom (39f) and I are typically really close but a couple years ago she moved a few hours away so now I only get to see her every other weekend.





My dad (40m) has been with my stepmom Rebecca (42f) for the past 4 years and they got married two months ago. I haven’t gotten a lot of time to know Rebecca because I would only see her when she stayed over and she only moved in after the wedding. 





I want to build a good relationship with Rebecca considering she is going to be another parental figure and mother figure to me. I would just like advice on what to do cause I genuinely have no clue.",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
1100mn7,11/02/2023,5,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/1100mn7/my_stepmom_photoshopped_me_in_an_family_picture/,step child,"I'm sure you all know the stories where (step)parents photoshop their stepchild out of a family photo.



Well, my stepmom actually did the reverse.



For some background: My mom and dad divorced when I was 3 (I am currently 19), and my mom moved away with me to a town that was 600km away from my dad's.



I had almost no contact with my dad, mostly because my mom didn't want me to. However, I visited him when I was around 11 for some days.



My dad married a new woman (my stepmom), and they already had 2 sons together when I was 11 (Last year baby-brother was born, so 3 now), but when I was there they were baby's.



So, my mom passed away in late 2021, and that led to me visiting my dad and stepmom more often in 2022.



When I was there for the first time, I noticed an image on the wall with my 2 brothers sitting on a bench, with, ME.



I was so confused because I definitely was not there. On the picture they were 3 and 4, and I was 11.



So she told me that she had paid an photoshop artist so that he could photoshop me IN so that they have an picture with (at the time) all 3 of us.



I was so taken back by this, and it made me so happy, that my stepmom, who at the time of that picture saw me once in her life, actually cared so much about me that she paid an artist to create an image of her sons with her stepson.



We both have an healthy relationship,  and she is like an motherfigure for me.



I thought I share this story with you, to show you some wholesome step parents for an change :D



And sorry for my bad english, I'm German.",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
115iern,18/02/2023,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/115iern/i_made_my_stepmom_cry/,step child,"I am a (16 m) and I have a stepmom Hayley (41 f). My Dad (42 m) married Hayley when I was 11 years old. My real mom died when I was 8 years old. Anyways Hayley has always tried to be a good mom to me and I love her for it, she is a wonderful mom and I have just called her mom since I was 12 because I thought it would be respectful. Yesterday was her birthday and we all went out to eat, during it she said "" (my name) the greatest gift I have ever received is being able to be your stepmom and have you in my life"". I hugged her and said ""I love you so much mom, will you adopt me"". I have wanted her to adopt me for a while now and I had finally got up the courage to ask her. She cried happy tears and yelled ""Oh my god yes!"", it was in the middle of the restraunt so we had to leave cause everyone was looking at us lol. When we got home me and her cuddled on the couch and watched tv until I went to bed. I love my mom so much!!!!!",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
z1giqw,22/11/2022,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/z1giqw/how_do_i_show_my_stepmom_i_love_her/,step child,"I (16m) have never met my biological father. He didn’t want to be a dad so he walked away when he found out my mom (42f) was pregnant with me. My mom relied on one of her best friends Mary (38f) to help her raise me.





Eventually they developed feelings feelings for each other while I was growing up and became a couple and got married back in 2015. I love Mary a lot and I see her as my other mom. She has done so many things for me and I adore her with all my heart. She and my mom are without a doubt in my mind the best moms I could have ever asked for.





Now I have wanted to show Mary how much I appreciate her and love her but I don’t know how to. Can anyone give me advice on how to show Mary she is super important to me.",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
x7lpem,06/09/2022,6,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/x7lpem/an_appreciation_post_to_step_parents/,step child,"My dad married my step mom when I was three years old. My dad, step mom, and bio mom all worked very hard to ensure that I had everything I needed and wanted as a child. I could always go to all three of them to talk about anything on my mind.



My dad and step mom had one son together, and my step mom never gave him any special treatment, or made me feel like I was any less loved by her.



What made me really want to type this is that a childhood friend of mine got a step mom when he was 16, but that step mom turned out to be a step monster. She convinced his father to kick him out of the house. My friend had to move across the country to live with his bio mom because he had nowhere to go. Him and I grew apart after that.



Recently I spoke with my step mom, who is friends with my childhood friends bio mom. I was told that my old friend has been down a very dark path and struggles with narcotics addiction.



Maybe if my old friend had a caring step mom, and a dad who wasn’t a pushover, maybe he’d be down a better path. I hope he is able to recover.



I’m now an adult, but still try to see them from time to time and spend quality time with them. I’m lucky to have been raised by 3 loving parents when so many children had none growing up.



To all the step kids out there who have bad stepparents, I’m sorry and I hope things change. To those who have good stepparents, maybe take a moment to let them know how much they mean to you. And if any stepparents are reading this, take a moment to let your step children know that you love them, it will go a long way.",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
15fz1ln,02/08/2023,7,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/15fz1ln/my_stepdad_has_my_respect/,step child,"So start off I (16f) lost my dad when i was 8 my dad (67 at that time) died after my birthday so i never really enjoyed my birthday after that event,  few months after my mom (35) had to go abroad so she can provide for me. My aunt (79) from my dad's side took care of me and still is up to this day, two years have past and my mom returned from Kuwait.



My step dad is actually an old friend of my mom but i only met him when i was 10 at first i thought he was my mom's bf at that time but they both denied it, after a month or 2 my mom have to go back abroad after that i had no contact with my step dad at that time, but when my mom return from Singapore for my graduation i was 12 at that time that's when my stepdad and my mom admitted that they dated two years ago (oh i never get to graduate due to covid).



Past forward 2021 my mom and stepdad asked me if i want to a sibling or not, to be honest i was surprise that they ask for my permission first, few months later my mom got pregnant, me and my stepdad we're guessing that the baby will be a girl or a boy (we both guessed a girl), few months after that (2023 march) my baby sister is born, mom and stepdad asked me what's her middle name will be again i was surprise that they ask me that but i named her middle name faith when we got back my step dad immediately cook food for mom and me so we could eat and he was the only staying up all night when the baby wakes up, he massage my mom when she wants one even after he got back from work and he doesn't treat me any less or favor my sister he would always treat us equal. 

And for he has my respect for that



(Sorry if grammar isn't right I'm not good at english",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
155po5a,21/07/2023,0,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/155po5a/my_stepdad_is_the_worlds_greatest_person/,step child,"Okay I grew up with an abusive father but my mom married my stepdad 4 years ago. A few months ago I was diagnosed with autism and my stepdad was driving me to work as I can’t drive due to having seizures. He told me he had a surprise for me. He rolled up his sleeve and had a tattoo of a purple ribbon and a puzzle piece saying, “proud dad of a a strong girl.” I cried hugging him and he told me he doesn’t care that I’m different and that he is so lucky to have me as a stepdaughter and how happy he is that I never let it stop me. If you see this somehow thank you Rick I can’t thank you enough for not only being a father I needed and a best friend.",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
l1o0ep,21/01/2021,9,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/l1o0ep/i_need_advice/,step child,"So for background my parents divorced when I was about 8f years old and I’m 17 now. My dad had one girlfriend for about 2 years and then he met my step mom (will be calling her A from now on). They’ve been together for about 6 years now. I of course had difficulty accepting her and it was a really rough time with my parents constantly using me to fight with each other. 



During the pandemic I have been staying with my dad and A full time. I used to stay with my mom every other weekend. During this time I’ve had a lot of time to think and I realized I’m a lot happier at my dads and now that I’m away from that environment I’ve realized that a lot of the things my mom did were borderline or were abusive. 



Anyways the problem I’m having is that now that I’ve basically cut my mom and her side of the family off (I’m low contact with them) I kind of don’t want to call her mom anymore. I feel that A has been more of a mom to me in the last 6 years then my mom has been for my entire life. I’m not sure if I should call her mom and I don’t know if she would even want me to. She’s the closest thing I have to a mom and she calls me her kid but so far I’ve only ever called her by her name. I just really want some advice on how to continue. If you have any questions please ask.



Edit 1:  

So not many people commented on this post but for those who did look at it I thought I would share the good news. After talking to my therapist and my friends I decided to go through with it. I was honestly terrified but my parents and I were hanging out tonight and my dad left the room and I asked my step mom if she was ok with me calling her mom and she said yes. I started crying and she did too and then we hugged and my dad came in and cried and hugged us too. I’ve never seen my dad cry like that before and they were really happy. I just want to thank everyone for encouraging me to do this and I’m so happy I finally have the mom I’ve always wanted and needed.",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
k117ro,25/11/2020,3,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/k117ro/a_bittersweet_story/,step child,"My step mom passed away this year unexpectedly, she was 50. She was such an incredibly important person in my life but I didn't realize this until I became an adult. She was the only person who parented me growing up and I really struggled with it, I was an asshole basically. My dad and her got divorced when I was 23 but she had been in my life since I was 4, she was still my step mom after that and the whole thing made me realize that my dad kinda sucked and my step mom put in all of the effort. I attribute the fact that I'm a functional adult entirely to her and I miss her so so much. This story takes a turn for the better... my step mom had a daughter when she was 15, her mom forced her to give her up for adoption and she struggled with it her entire life, she wasn't able to have children of her own after that and there were many failed attempts to get into contact with her daughter. About a month after she passed away I got a message on FB and it was her daughter, it was amazing and bittersweet. We talked for hours about everything and found we had so much in common... We check in with each other now and then and I'm hoping to meet her in person one day. It's amazing and devastating at the same time. 



TLDR: I'm thankful for my step mom and that I was able to connect with her long lost daughter.",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
jqia4e,08/11/2020,6,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/jqia4e/how_to_tell_my_stepdad_how_i_feel/,step child,"First some background: My parents divorced when I was around 6 (I'm 24 now) A couple of years later both re-married. My dad married the hell spawn that was my first stepmom (luckily they divorced, too) and my mom married a really awesome guy who essentially treated my brother and me  like his own children from the first day we met.



Despite all the great time we had together, I never called him ""dad"", mainly because I reserved that title to my biological father, whom I have still a good relationship to. Yet, my stepdad filled out that role for me in basically every aspect and I would like to tell him that without making things awkward.



Any good ideas on how to achieve that?",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
jcvaen,17/10/2020,14,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/jcvaen/stop_telling_people_with_stepparents_that_those/,step child,"I'm so sick of people saying to me ""hes not even your real dad, you don't have to do what he says"" (I'm 27f) IM SO SICK of people telling me this every time I have a grievance or just spill my guts about my parents. These people know my sperm donar is still alive but hes not MY DAD. Hes just someone I call ""dad"" because I was raised and dont feel comfortable calling him by his name. My stepdad RAISED me since I was 9. Where the hell was my sperm donar for my competitions, when I was sick? Oh that's right, HE WAS PARTYING AND DOING METH.

It doesn't matter if a person is just a stepparent, if your friend calls their stepparent ""mom"" or ""dad"" it obviously means that your friend sees that person AS THEIR PARENT. 



Anybody else get this from people?",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships
hlyoth,06/07/2020,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/stepkids/comments/hlyoth/adult_stepchild_contacted_by_stepmom_after_9/,step child,"Basically is what the title says. I'm an adult stepchild in my late 20s. My stepmom and I barely knew eachother. I went to visit a couple of times for holidays over 10 years ago with my brother, mostly to see my dad.



Long story short my dad passed away 9 years ago. She told me I didn't have to come up to see him pass away, but I did anyway. We haven't talked since the funeral. I've come to terms with how everything has played out. The stepmom kept the majority of what they had except some $$ and a couple of trinkets that my brother and I kept. I have a wonderful stepdad my mom married after her first marriage was over, and we get along really well.



The Step-mom is now trying to get in contact with my brother and myself. I dont know why. I feel like that chapter of my life has been over for a while and that she moved on.



Should I see what she wants to talk about? She's also trying to contact my brother and has reached out on social media. I feel like we're strangers and I am apprehensive to get in touch. I kind of feel like I'm being selfish by not wanting to talk to her and have whatever it is she wants to talk about disrupt my life.",Supportive and loving parents and positive family relationships