start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1655649771 | 1655651239 | t3_vfwobp | t5_2to41 | 5 | Shesnotintothistrack: TIFU by not paying attention.
[removed]
skazz0r: This is why I don’t PVP when I’m tired.
Shesnotintothistrack: Fair enough! I feel like there are a lot of things I shouldn't do tired.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1655651628 | 1655653229 | t3_vfxbov | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by having sex with a fellow student
[deleted]
Thatagataa: God you sound exhausting. I wish people would stop confusing being horny with beauty... I can tolerate people making questionable choices based on sexual tension, but dont call it wholesome afterwards
[deleted]: why not?
Thatagataa: Because it glamorizes animalistic attraction into some profound moment of intimacy. You both cheated on your partners, you are still lying about it. You feel the need to tell us about all the people that are attracted to you or to max. We get it. Your lives are very sexy. No beauty in sight though if you ask me.
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1655652304 | 1655655692 | t3_vfxjz2 | t5_2to41 | 27 | [deleted]: Tifu by wearing a towel in my elevator
[removed]
Sir_Randolph_Gooch: This didn’t happen
Metal-Butterfly: What!! Two day old account and no karma and the first thing posted/commented is a beginning intro to a porno? Well I have never..
Sir_Randolph_Gooch: Who asks a wet stranger in a towel for help lol
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1655652367 | 1655652558 | t3_vfxkrq | t5_2to41 | 10 | anotherwaytosaykelp: Tifu by serving espresso
Obligatory this did not happen today but months ago.
So I had just gotten hired at Starbucks, and wasn’t big into the coffee scene so wasn’t familiar with different roasts/ difference of espresso from regular coffee. At the Starbucks location I’m at, it’s very small and so we make only pour over dark roast, rather than brewing it in batches for it to go to waste.
I was not aware of this.
I was very new and we were short staffed so I was required to work alone that shift. Somebody came in asking for a LARGE dark roast coffee, and I had no idea how to make it. Now, I’m not sure if you have seen large Starbucks cups…. But they’re pretty big. I didn’t know how to make a dark roast coffee, but I did know that dark roast is supposed to taste stronger than, say light roast.
I really had no idea what to do.. so what did I do? I made a large cup FILLED TO THE BRIM with espresso shots. Literally like 10 espresso shots… no water, nothing. It took so long to make. I wonder if that customer is okay.
I can only imagine the juxtaposition in their head from assuming I had no idea what I was doing by my initial expression at the register upon them ordering a drink I didn’t know existed, only to then hand them an absolute bucket of pure caffeine, blissfully unaware that such a quantity would kill a small barnyard animal. They did not complain about their drink, for they must have assumed I was a maniac with the intent to harm.
TL;DR- first shift alone at Starbucks and gave someone a large coffee filled with espresso shots and nothing else instead of dark roast.
Sir_Randolph_Gooch: That’s not a big deal
anotherwaytosaykelp: To someone expecting coffee with less caffeine it might be
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1655653915 | 1655699674 | t3_vfy434 | t5_2to41 | 25,116 | dilcreas: TIFU by using the word "broski".
i am 18, will turn 19 this year, also PAN AND ACE! not everyone wants to fuck everyone they like. i never posted about having an husband, cause i never had one, AITA bots posts a comment of ur post if u ever delete it, so u can double check it like that.
I started dating my (now ex) boyfriend a week ago. We were chillin in my house, watching Markiplier, eating noodles, everything that I wanted from a relationship.
I was on the couch and he was coming from the kitchen, I pointed at the remote and said "pass the remote broski."
He looked at me, shocked. I thought it was because I demanded him, I said "Please?". He asked me why the fuck I called him "bro". I didn't know he would act like it so I apologized, told him I would never call him "bro" again and smiled. He laughed saying theres no "again" and left.
But today, a friend of ours said he wanted to call me and ask me to apologize. Told them to make he do it. He did call me, I answered the phone "Whats up broski?". He had a melt down. But I got kicked out of the groups for triggering him. I lost most of my friends and my boyfriend over a stupid word. One of my sides is blaiming me and the other one is wanting to mess with him more.
SOME INFO : we have been friends with them for over 10 years. we are from the same neighborhood. my ex is a friends friend, we opened a group called queer folks and added him there. we have been friends for over 4 years. we had fights as friends but after all always sat down and made jokes in the group. we flirted for a month and decided to date when everything went well. some people wanted more details but only detail i can give is i called him broski A LOT of times and a day before this happened, we were playing codenames and one of friends fav food was there so i said "Eren broskis fav food" and he laughed. i (to the group) thought them this word and it doesnt have a meaning in Turkish
UPDATE: my friend saw the posts, they apologized, no word from my ex but i got added back to the gc and pretty sure he was online for a good 10 mins. and i learned his side
his side as my friend told: He was having a rough day and told me that he did so we met up played games, made food yada yada and than i said "broski go out", he was shocked and WASNT angry at broski, and than i said "broski" again so he asked me to not say that word and why was i angry at him. i screamed and told him to f off while calling him broski. he cried the whole night and had to tell this to gc.
to me this is BS and both my exes defended me knowing i wouldnt do such a thing. my guess of my friends believing him without listening to me is that he is a man. wont be too close with them from now on.
ALSO THANKS FOR REWARDS AND KIND MESSAGES !!!!!!!
TL;DR: I called my boyfriend a word he hated, cause our relationship to end, didnt apologize and lost my whole friend group.
akaKinkade: Sounds like he's not your buddy, guy.
Caledric: He’s not your guy, friend.
truniquity: He's not your friend, pal.
starfish42134: He's not your pal, buddy
ConradSkiddle: He's not your buddy, champ.
Bohottie: He’s not your champ, fwend!
Habshan: He’s not your fwend, bwoski !
dorkofalltrades: He's not your bwoski, boyfriend
notnotg: He’s not your boyfriend, Sancho!
Mr-Unknown101: He's not your Sancho, Haaland!
Xcariot1984: He's not your Haaland, Amigo
Flerpsh-pidgon-CJM: He‘s not your amigo, centurion.
phyrgx: He's not your centurion, homie.
PrincessGump: He’s not your homie, bestie.
TheGlassCat: He's not your bestie, fella.
ezln_trooper: He’s not your fella, compatriot
JustANormalGuy52: He’s not your compatriot, comrade
NotNotty59: He's not your comrade, fam
kevix2022: He aint your fam, mate.
crvillain138: He's not your mate, chief.
MadxCarnage: he ain't your chief, partner.
AnimatorDiligent1208: He aint your partner, boo.
Nyllil: He ain't your boo, dude.
jkozuch: He’s not your dude, bud.
TheUnweeber: he's not your bud, gancho.
garlyle: he's not your gancho, chap.
tritheist: he’s not your chap, babe
YzMENTALzY: He's not your Babe, Batman
Pogging_Memes: He's not your Batman, silly
clydesdale2001: He's not your silly, brofessor
DanTM18: He’s not your brofessor, brofficer
we-like-stonk: He's not your brofficer, tiger
PossibleTroubleMaker: Hes not your tiger, homeslice
| 34 | 738.705882 | |
1655653930 | 1655703404 | t3_vfy49o | t5_2to41 | 1,785 | Friendly_Function817: TIFU by scarring my dad for life
I (25f) live with my fiancé (28f). We went to the beach for a few days, and my dad came over to take care of the dogs. On the evening of the second night the dogs had gotten diarrhea. They pooped all over our bedroom. Well my dad cleaned it up and went into our bathroom to dispose of the mess. Low and behold a giant dildo met his gaze. Suctioned to the back of the toilet our good friend left my dad scarred for life. He later went home and told my mother about his finding. When we got home my mom said “I have a secret” I was like “ok what is it?” And that is when she enlightened me on my fathers demise. She said he told her “ they have a giant dick in their bathroom” “I didn’t see any straps I thought it needed straps” My poor innocent father is now forever changed.
TLDR; My dad stumbled upon my dildo in the bathroom leaving him forever changed
CivilizedGuy123: It’s time for you to have the birds and the bees and sexy toys talk with Dad. 🐝
paradajz666: How the tables have turned. Before parents talked about birds and bees with their children, now its the other way around.
Gegopinh: Can't wait to have the dragon dildo talk with my kids.
JillingJacks: My mom got that talk from my sister. She hadn't read the label on the box marking it for my sister by name, so decided to open it, and found herself staring at a massive dog cock. She was wildly surprised and very disturbed. When a second box came in a week later for my own toy, she was highly suspicious, and when she looked like she was going to ask what I ordered, I asked if she really wanted to know. It took longer than it should have, but she backed down and seems to have suppressed the memory a bit.
ThinkItDreamItDoIt: Y'all mf need Jesus.
VeeingFly: The Crucifux
Quirky_Movie: honestly, the arms really help on solo "rides"
ThinkItDreamItDoIt: Honorary admin of /r/holewreckers ?
Quirky_Movie: Thank you. I accept.
| 10 | 178.5 | |
1655655970 | 1655657790 | t3_vfyu31 | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: Tifu by sending a mass email with the wrong info
[removed]
Shibby523: Please make sure to keep us abreast of the situation.
CursedSpawnOfSatan: I see what you did there
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1655656778 | 1655688924 | t3_vfz41p | t5_2to41 | 503 | warmteamug: TIFU By not paying attention to ALL of the groceries before putting them away
Within the last two months I have discovered a new found love of brie cheese and my husband, already being a fan, would buy a package occasionally and bring it home to eat. After trying it and realizing how much I adore it, each time he'd buy more, I would eat at least half the package of cheese within the first hour after he'd get back from grocery shopping (of course I'm always super impatient when it comes to new groceries especially since I'm pregnant so that might play a role in this screw up). Another important fact to mention is, we relocated overseas and still cannot speak the language yet, so half the time I have no idea what's in food packages until I open them.
So a day or two ago my husband mentions he bought two brands of brie cheese; I'd already eaten the first, and said I'd love to try the second. We look for it. We look twice. I look a third time with no success. He figures he must have left it in the car or back at the store and we count it as lost which was a bit disappointing but I soon forget about it in the midst of other chores and distractions.
Today, I decided to pull the popsicles out of the freezer to give to our kids and I remembered seeing an ice cream bar in there so I tear it open and pull the wrapper down. Looked like a tube shaped block of vanilla ice cream so I took a bite. There was nothing in that bite that reminded me of ice cream; wide eyed I couldn't figure out what I'd just eaten... my husband comes over and says "Oh hey you found the cheese!" He'd put it with the popsicles to keep it cold, but the funny thing is, it was a brightly colored package that looked like ice cream, and instead of checking things out before putting them in the freezer, I just shoved it all in together. Lesson learned!
I'm mildly disappointed there's no ice cream but I'm really excited to try the cheese when it's done thawing.
**TL;DR** Husband bought two brands of brie cheese (my favorite), one looked like a popsicle/ice cream and it was with the other popsicles, so I put it in the freezer; I pulled it out today expecting to enjoy an ice cream and instead got a mouth full of frozen cheese.
bulldoggydog27: Congratulations on the pregnancy!
I don't know if the guidance is the same in the US (assumption based on popsicles) but our NHS doesn't recommend uncooked soft cheese because of a risk of listeria - https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/keeping-well/foods-to-avoid/. Just something to bear in mind, I get it though - the pregnancy cravings are like no other!
warmteamug: Thank you for the heads up; thankfully I haven't had any weird food reactions in any of my pregnancies!
MyNeighborThrowaway: Heads up, Listeria is not a reaction, its a harmful bacteria.
warmteamug: I know, thanks.
makebeansgreatagain: No, like, it won't harm you but if you're unlucky enough it'll harm the kid. Thats what they're saying.
yoditronzz: Damn. Some people. "Haha nah I'm fine!"
zvii: Hasn't got me yet, expert mom here!
yoditronzz: Haha that's so cool that you take uneccessary risks for no reason other than your own pleasure!
| 9 | 55.888889 | |
1655657768 | 1655663245 | t3_vfzg75 | t5_2to41 | 6 | thedudemeister08: TIFU: By using my friends gift card
I had this one friend who had a birthday about 6 months ago and he got a gift card from Best Buy. Since he had it, he has never used it once. As a matter of fact I think he forgot about it. Anyways, one day me and a couple of my other friends were having a sleepover at his house and they were just in the loft playing video games. I went into his room for a minute to do something. I spotted the card on his dresser. It was dusty and the thing that covers up the code was halfway peeled off. Out of curiosity, I grabbed the card, revealed the rest of the code, and then I went online to check the balance. After I entered the code and the pin, I was shocked to find $100 still on the card. I didn’t think he would use it so I decided to take a picture of the back of the card. A couple days later, I double checked to see if it still had money, and it did. I then bought something online worth exactly $100. Not a cent over and not a cent less and to this day, I don’t think he knows.
TL:DR I used my friends gift card that he never used.
Shinrahunter: So you stole $100 from your friend. That's not a TIFU, that's just you being an asshole.
thedudemeister08: I posted this same story on r/amitheasshole for a reason.
Boastnbrag: Since nobody there gave you an answer I'll help. Yes, the answer is yes. Pretty crazy that you didn't already know, and needed to ask.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1655658502 | 1655659070 | t3_vfzpgp | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: Tifu by wearing something on a flight i have never worn before
[deleted]
guy4guy4guy: Well was it that big and it was that noticeable that you couldn't have pulled the food tray on top?
OkVolume1: Could've balanced the food tray.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1655658302 | 1655718255 | t3_vfzn2q | t5_2to41 | 2 | Unho1yIntent: TIFU by getting involved with a woman across the country and being left SOL with heartbreak and down $2100
Hope you're in for a bit of a read here. I'm a guy for reference. TL;DR at the bottom.Before you comment: Yes I know this was a lot of money to spend on someone you're not in a committed relationship with. No I'm not leaving out details to make myself look better.
The FU started back in February of this year with this post of mine in the Tinder sub: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/su5c99/from\_awhile\_agonever\_did\_get\_that\_text\_after/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/su5c99/from_awhile_agonever_did_get_that_text_after/)
* After posting that, a woman sends me a PM reading "Hey, I saw your tinder post and was intrigued by your creativity. I checked out your profile and saw you also play rimworld and decided to send you a message. Maybe we can get to know eachother? I'm not looking for a relationship atm but feel like we are on the same vibe."
* SO...for me...the past few years have been rough. I got out of a long-term (\~5 year) relationship 3.5 years ago. The loneliness compounded with extreme stress from work in a new city REALLY did a number on my mental health. About two months before the Tinder post, I finally decided to do something about it and told my doctor about the depression/anxiety issues I'd been suffering. He prescribed me Sertraline and Bupropion. I'm still on them now and they have made a HUGE difference. I still wasn't 100% my old self to be ready for a relationship myself, but I felt confident enough to reply to her.
* After a brief exchange through PMs, we added each other on Snapchat. We hit it off MARVELOUSLY. The strongest connection I've ever had in my whole life. So much in common. Simply too good to be true. After a week or so of absolutely non-stop talking we had moved on past small talk. Once the flirting started it accelerated very quickly into talking about sexual preferences, telling each other good night/good morning consistently, sending heart emojis...then on to sexting, me sending her some very romantic poems, and even ordering flowers for her to pick up where she lives (we hadn't exchanged address info of course...because we were still strangers after all) which she adored. We got into personal baggage a bit and I learned that she had a past of mentally abusive partners where she could rarely speak her mind without being punished. I promised I would NEVER be mad at her for telling me how she was really feeling, and at each stage that we started doing things that strayed closer and closer to things that "couples" did, I checked in to make sure she wasn't uncomfortable with it. She never indicated that she was and I was 100% fine with the knowledge that this may turn into something more once she's ready and it may not. For now she was matching my energy exactly and I was loving it.
* After talking for about a month, we decided to meet in person planned for about a month and a half later (Only downside was she lived in Nevada and I live in Ohio). I've got a decent job though so I was definitely willing to spend the money to make it happen. Somewhere around this time she messaged me some absolutely adorable stuff including "I can't wait to make love to you", "why are you so amazing and romantic", "I can't wait to see you", etc. We started counting down the days and having many conversations about how much we wanted to (cuddle, fuck, spend time, etc.) with each other. Lots of frustration from both sides that we had to wait.
* The week-long trip finally comes around. I arrive at the airbnb I booked (she had arrived before me) so happy to see her. She's wearing only this really cute robe and nothing else. I pick her up in a big hug and give her a kiss. She is gorgeous. Basically I was reverse-catfished because I was sooo much more attracted to her in person than I ever was from her pictures. We had sex and I was a bit rusty after not doing it for 3.5 years. The nerves of being with someone new plus the impact to performance that Sertraline can cause didn't help either. I love oral though so it wasn't a big deal. She finished and I didn't for the first couple days we were together (which is not unusual for me, even without Sertraline being factored in). We enjoyed each others' company cuddling, watched a lot of YouTube, ate some good food, etc. I think on day 4, my performance issues were the worst of the whole trip. While I was performing oral on her she said "Okay stop. It's just not going to happen."
* For reference, a huge point of anxiety for me is almost always thinking I'm doing something wrong. In reality, this particular issue was on her side and not mine (which we later established). I took it poorly in the moment, and the lack of communication compounded. I was disappointed in myself, she thought I was disappointed in her, so it snowballed to some anxiety all around. I just had it in my mind that I HAVE to blow this girl's mind 100% or there's no way she's going to want to see me again (self-esteem issues are a big problem for me too). This was of course not the case...but mental health and all that. The rest of the trip was okay but not great. She was acting differently and I took that to mean she was losing interest.
* After I get back home I send her a message apologizing that the sex was a bit lackluster, considering how much we had talked about it beforehand. THEN...we established that due to the lack of communication between us that she was just very anxious after I reacted that way, and had not lost interest in me but she also mentions she feels that I've become too attached. I apologized, we talked it out, and I made promises to communicate better. I also asked if there was anything else she'd like me to ease up on (poems, cutesy talk, etc.) and she didn't indicate any changes were needed for that. We continue talking a lot but not quite as much as pre-trip.
* Maybe two weeks after my trip, I have a dream where I was in the military being flown out of an airport. This woman, my family, and my friends were supposed to be there to see me off...but none of them were. I remembered thinking in my dream that it'd be okay though because I had a picture of her at least. I woke up crying (not unusual for me to have very strong but short-lived emotional reactions when waking up from dreams). No mistake about it...by this time...yes I had significant feelings for her, but I was still 100% fine to be letting her choose the pace. I tell her about the dream and me waking up.
* Over the next month she grows increasingly distant and I finally ask her about it. She lets me know that the dream I had such a strong emotional reaction over was really freaking her out and she thought I was lying about understanding she wasn't ready for a relationship. I explain to her that I was fine 5 minutes after waking up, I had forgotten about it almost entirely the next day, and that A MONTH was way too long for her to let something like that bother her without bringing it up. Also the fact that I had been single for 3.5 years now and was STILL in no rush to commit to a relationship at all and that I just liked what we had going on as-is. We then touch on the part where reassurance is very helpful for me given the mental health issues I'm still dealing with about "always doing something wrong". I reassured her that I was still 100% on board for whatever she wanted to do and no matter what, I never wanted her to feel restrained, boxed in, or controlled. She replies "I tend to suppress emotions instead of letting them out. I don't want you to worry or be thinking you've done something wrong."
* I reply telling her that it's okay, I understand, etc. and that all I ask is that she be more communicative with me like I promised to be with her. She saw the message but gave no reply. That was a week ago and that's the last message she sent me. I sent one further message asking to finish talking it out over the phone to try and clarify how she was feeling and what she was thinking. Since then, she's blocked me on everything as far as I can tell (reddit, facebook, snapchat, etc.)
* We had planned on her visiting me here in August then me going to a music festival with her in October (only a mild interest in the festival itself. Certainly not enough to still go without her being a part of it). I sent her money for the plane ticket to visit me, and I bought festival & plane tickets for myself and a friend who was going to join us. Now I'm left very sad, angry, and extremely confused why she felt the need to completely ghost me without just TELLING ME how she was feeling and I'm in the possession of $2100 worth of nonrefundable tickets. I still would have wanted to hang out with her in a friendship capacity if that's all she wanted...but I guess I may never get that chance at all.
TL;DR- Mental health problems and lack of communication crush my chances with what I thought was the girl of my dreams costing me repairs on one cracked heart and $2100 in cash.
Maclunky0_0: Might aswell resell your tickets online someone will buy em up
Unho1yIntent: Yeah I'll try and figure out how to do that at the very least.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1655657066 | 1655660262 | t3_vfz7ky | t5_2to41 | 38 | orlanthi: TIFU but at least Barcelkna is lovely
Edit: it's Barcelona of course!
Edit2: finally got my emergency documents and flew Barcelona Rome then train to Livorno to catch up with the ship there. A very expensive lesson for me.
For her 50th birthday, my wife wanted a cruise so that's what she got. But that was 2020 and as a result it got put off.
This year, we were finally able to book it so arranged a 7 night cruise starting and finishing in Barcelona and then we'd spend 4 days there seeing the city.
We flew in late on Saturday which extended onto Sunday morning and after picking up the case very quickly, made our way to the hotel.
When there, I realised I did not have my passport. It must have fallen out while on the plane.
Queue frantic texts and messages as we tried unsuccessfully to reach anyone.
Today we dashed back to the airport in the hope ut would be there, no such luck.
The boat would not let me on with just a photocard licence and so I insisted she went anyway.
Then back to the airport for me for another fruitless search. An attempt to get a paper from the airport police saying it was missing did not work, they insisted 2 days had to pass.
So I'm now stick in Barca while she enjoys a lonely cruise.
Book an hotel. Really a hostel to try and keep costs down. Get there to discover they can't book me in without any passport. They tell me to go to the embassy here and direct me to a local (2 km) police station.
I go there and get a paper that confirms my identity (yay!) Get back to hotel and book in (double yay!)
Walk up to the consulate to discover its closed....
Now sitting with a pint,not enough clothes and a very passed off wife on a ship by herself trying to summon up the courage to apply for emergency travel documents.
TL:DR lost my passport so now my wife sits in luxury lonely while I share a room with 7 others.
Guntalarm: Well shit and I thought my day was bad.
Hope you manage to sort your passport out soon!
orlanthi: So do I my friend, so do I. It's going to be expensive, 100 quid and a flight to Italy to catch up though.
Guntalarm: Ahh I'm glad you get to catch up with her though that's something at least. I thought you might be there for the duration.
If I could buy you a pint I would. Hope the rest of your trip goes well.
orlanthi: Thanks. You have no idea what this means to me. To say I'm at a low ebb is underselling it.
Guntalarm: Well chin up! By the sounds of it you've got a plan to fix it. You'll laugh about it someday. Just probably not soon. All the best!
| 6 | 6.333333 | |
1655660214 | 1655678052 | t3_vg0arg | t5_2to41 | 12 | alm1688: TIFU by trying to have a bowel movement while constipated
I’m currently hospitalized because I just had cranioplasty surgery to replace the bone flap on my skull from a hemmorhaggic stroke that has paralyzed my left side. Last night I asked for the bed pan because my hospital room and bathroom is too narrow for my wheelchair to transfer to the toile but once I was on the bed pan I couldn’t go. This morning I felt like I had to go again and waited nearly half an hour for my nurse. Once she finally came, I got on and tried really hard to poop but it would not come out, I’m likely constipated from the anesthesia and pain medication and it was really uncomfortable sitting on the bed pan with about five inches of solid turd stuck hanging out of my butt. I tried to use toilet paper to wipe and break it off but it was too hard and did not budge. The nurse got me a laxative but not a fast acting one. About45 minutes after taking the laxative, I felt like I needed to pass gas but I was worried that it would not just be gas so I asked for the bed pan again and it turned out to be just gas after all. I’ve definitely Learned the hard way to not trust the fart, especially when having taken a laxative but no success, just gas! Also, this nurse is so busy and slow af.
TLDR: had to poop but I’m constipated from surgery so it was all bark and no bite. Was stuck on the bed pan with a solid shit stuck in my butt.
DownrightDrewski: At first I thought this was going to be a story about how straining for a massive shit caused the hemorrhage.
Good luck in your recovery, and good luck with the opioid shit they you'll eventually give birth to.
alm1688: Nope, but when I strained, I could feel the stitches keeping my head together pulling, she ended up digging most of it ou so I’m feeling much better but it was extremely stressful and uncomfortable waiting for her with such a massive shit stuck in my butt, they don’t keep any fast acting laxatives on their med carts. Lactolose would have solved my problem in thirty minutes or less
| 3 | 4 | |
1655697495 | 1655701407 | t3_vg0jhz | t5_2to41 | 21 | StayinAnonStayinAnon: In either case be it rape or your hypothetical, that's a act of true evil that I feel is deserving of death.
CanlStillBeGarth: But it also makes you cum thinking about doing it.
SlumberSophmore: Are you that dense to not compartmentalize the difference between kinks related to fantasy and reality?
CanlStillBeGarth: I think normalizing rape as a kink is pretty gross actually. Fantasizing about rape is gross too.
SlumberSophmore: No doubt it’s gross but nobody is normalizing rape, that’s the whole thing behind CNC, which is consensual and pleasing for all parties involved.
Everyone has some fantasies that are weird, whether it’s piss, paper clips, whips, etc. Humans are weird but to know the difference between what’s all fantasy and just for sexual gratification to what’s very real and causes trauma will do wonders
CanlStillBeGarth: Someone is still being turned on by thinking about raping someone in this situation.
SlumberSophmore: And that is weird, I’m not denying that. Pretty much the same as people who fantasize about killing people and get excited. No one chooses what they think nor do they control what turns them on But they know that it’s a fantasy and that it’s wrong to engage in when it causes actual harm .
You don’t need to pile on and shame them
CanlStillBeGarth: That's what therapy is for. But OP doesn't think it's a big deal and refused it. Normalization.
SlumberSophmore: They don’t need therapy unless it becomes an actual problem, you know to actually HARM another person.
Having kinks aren’t criminal nor are they a big deal because they know it’s a fantasy.
CanlStillBeGarth: Yeah, I'm gonna disagree with that. You're really suggesting they should try to stop fantasizing about raping people until they actually rape someone?
SlumberSophmore: I’m only suggesting to not shame them, Thoughts are not actions. If a person fantasized about killing someone, what do you take from that?
There are plenty of people who wish to lose/take control in a sexual environment, that can take form in a multitude of ways in BDSM.
To actually rape someone is criminal which stems beyond the point of CNC, further away from taking control in a sexual environment to actually harm another person.
CanlStillBeGarth: > If a person fantasized about killing someone, what do you take from that?
That they need help and are probably dangerous.
SlumberSophmore: Well at least you’re consistent 😂
Have you ever heard of intrusive thoughts ?
CanlStillBeGarth: There a major difference between a fleeting intrusive thought and writing out a detail fantasy of how you would do a fucked up thing like murder or rape. Especially if you're cumming to it.
SlumberSophmore: Isn’t cumming a fleeing emotion ( and action )?
CanlStillBeGarth: No, it's deliberate. You set out to do it.
SlumberSophmore: Well, there not actually going to rape someone so how is it wrong that they set out to do engage is CNC?
CanlStillBeGarth: How do you know that?
SlumberSophmore: Taking advantage of someone is different from consenting
CanlStillBeGarth: That's not what I asked.
SlumberSophmore: My bad. Truth is we both have no idea, because like everywhere. There are people who try to enjoy things and other people who want to ruin things, so yes people in this community may have criminal minds and do criminal acts but that’s not everyone because like you and I ( I hope ) both know what’s an act for a fantasy differing for an act of reality
CanlStillBeGarth: So you're saying if a kid writes a fantasy about shooting up his school nothing should happen? It's just a fantasy right? He hasn't actually done it yet.
SlumberSophmore: Can’t exactly use this analogy in terms towards CNC since two ( or more) people have to be alive in order to consent but if that person hasn’t bought any guns or doesn’t actually intend to go to the school then no.
Assuming that person must be receiving some hate in school that they needs an outlet to express without intending to harm anyone
CanlStillBeGarth: The fantasy is still about rape.
> if that person hasn’t bought any guns or doesn’t actually intend to go to the school then no. Assuming that person must be receiving some hate in school that they needs an outlet to express without intending to harm anyone
Completely ridiculous.
SlumberSophmore: How? Do you have another context in mind you would like to share?
| 25 | 0.84 | |
1655666568 | 1655669296 | t3_vg2ias | t5_2to41 | 26 | Strugglegirllust: TIFU by being a sexually frustrated Christian
From what I understand the Bible says that we should flee sexual immorality and that we should only have sex with someone we are married too. I’ve also heard a lot of preachers say it’s a sin to masturbate. So what is a single horny Christian suppose to do? Is God expecting me to not masturbate or have sex and just be horny for years and years until I find someone? That’s so stressful. I find that the less I masturbate the more thirsty I become for women in my daily life.
I know that by 30 years old I should have been able to find a wife, but I’m unattractive, unemployed, and I’m not funny. I’ve been praying to God about it but I’ve had not luck. I’ve even thought about going to a strip club just so I can actually know what it’s like to feel a woman. I know that’s wrong too.
I know that I just sound really lustful and immature but I feel like this is one of my biggest struggles. I don’t steal, get drunk, slander, or do a lot of other sins but I have a problem with this one. It a really hot girl would have asked my for sex I probably would have fallen already. I think my ugliness is keeping me chaste.
Tl;dr what is a Christian supposed to do about sex
BurnedPsycho: Embrace atheism, and masturbate...
raffaele2406: Wait... Where is exactly written on the bible that he can't pay a sex worker?
BurnedPsycho: Sex with a sex worker falls in "sex outside of marriage"
raffaele2406: And where is written this rule, exactly?
BurnedPsycho: Mate... I'm not Google, nor Christian.. but anyway...
[Next time use google](https://www.openbible.info/topics/sex_before_marriage)
raffaele2406: Thank you! I didn't know that. I'm no longer Christian either.
| 7 | 3.714286 | |
1655667705 | 1655669391 | t3_vg2w6q | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU by applying a chokehold without telling my training partner how to tap out.
I'm part of a niche, disorganised self-defense group where everyone shares a little of what they know in blocks of a few weeks. My experience was judo and jiu jitsu, I've never taught before, but things were going mostly okay until we got to showing chokes last week. I was demonstrating a technique, showing how to move from a hold we'd been practising to a chokehold, and put it on the uke. She didn't tap, and I thought I was doing it wrong, so reapplied it. It took a few seconds to realise that it was in fact working, and that I had totally forgotten to tell her that tapping out means let go.In all, that means the choke was on for probably 4 or 5 full seconds, with her having no way to communicate she was being constricted.
I let go, she seemed okay and said it was fine when I apologised, but a week later she's skipped today's session. ~~and put a post up saying she's leaving the class - claiming to be busy, but thanking all those who'd facilitated except me. She was previously enthusiastic about learning grappling.~~ (SEE EDIT)
I'm scared I've hurt her, and made her feel unsafe in the class. It's shown me I shouldn't be demonstrating those techniques at all, and I'm planning on leaving the sessions after my block is done in a couple of weeks. Everyone deserves a safe training space ~~and she shouldn't have to avoid them because of me.~~ I don't have a clue whether to - or how to - communicate any of this to her or to make amends. ~~or let her know that she doesn't need to leave.~~
TL;DR - I demonstrated a chokehold without remembering to tell someone how to tap out of it. The choke was on longer than it should have been. ~~Now they're leaving the class.~~
EDIT: I made a mistake. It looks like a different person with the same name as her made that post and left the training group. I had never trained with the person who left. The person I applied the chokehold to is still present, but wasn't here this week.
ElDjee: yep. HUGE fuckup. i’m kinda wondering why you don’t leave now, tbh, and have one of the other participants let her know.
[deleted]: You're right, that's a better approach. I'll try and find someone to cover for the next couple of weeks.
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1655669059 | 1655841181 | t3_vg3d7f | t5_2to41 | 36 | SevenEquipped_: TIFU by lending my sister a book
Last month my sister (13) wanted to read a book of mines (16). Since I had a lot of books I decided to give her one that was interesting and didnt have inappropriate things. This is because my parents are SUPER strict on romance and sexual stuff, I mean they blocked disney channel off our tv because two characters kissed, you get the point. Anyways, I gave her the inheritance games since I read it and it didn't have any thing "bad" except for a kiss.
My sister read it in a week and my mom got suspicious and asked me about it. I told her that there was barely anything inappropriate and that I flagged the pages so that my sister wont read it. She let this one slide but last week my sister nagged me for the second book. I never completed the second book, I read the first 20 pages then got bored of it. Based on the first book and the internet there didnt seem to be anything explicit. But my sister was obsessed with this book and started reading it everywhere, it came to the point where she stayed up reading it on the night of her final exams. This got my mother mad, I don't know what detective shit she did but she came to me and told me about the book. Apparently its inappropriate for my sister's age.
I'd like to add that my sister isn't innocent she knows what sex is and has watched movies that my parents think of to be inappropriate behind their back. So I didn't quite care to read the whole book since the information I found online was enough (apparently not enough).
Back to the story my mom gave me a lecture about it, that it wasn't appropriate for her age. I honestly don't know whats wrong with the book I told her that I didn't know, I researched about it, and that based on the first book I didn't think there would be anything. But that wasn't enough and then she started talking about my books. I have a large collection of YA books, meaning a lot of romance yes but they arent that explicit. I recently bought a book and my mother didnt like that. I think she researched about most of the books on my bookshelf because she told me how I shouldn't be reading this stuff and that it's gonna ruin my brain, which I guess I get but it's not like I was reading hardcore smut. She continued to talk about how my brain is ruined and then she stood up went to my bookshelf and grabbed like 4 books which she said she is going to throw away because it had some sort of sexual activities. It was kind of fucked up considering I bought them using my money (and they don't give me an allowance so it was quite difficult to buy them considering they were expensive).
TL;DR: My parents are strict about content my sister and I read and watch. I gave my sister a book which (according to the internet) didn't contain inappropriate content, however my mother got suspicious and apparently it isn't suitable for her age. I got a lecture on how reading romantic scenes will ruin my brain. My mother then took some books of mine and threw them away.
A_Teddy_Bear_on_T: Start reading Ebooks, it’ll make it harder to police them
Maximum0versaiyan: OP, they are much cheaper too!
A_Teddy_Bear_on_T: And if your folks are withholding cash there are free sites you can read them on
| 4 | 9 | |
1655670979 | 1655706869 | t3_vg41og | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by locking myself out of the room after jerking off and making the walk of shame to my mom's room
[deleted]
GoingByTrundle: Unless you walked in naked, hard as a diamond in an ice storm and dripping with lube, I don't think she'll know.
Also, it sounds like you jerked off to your sleeping girlfriend on face time.
SirDevilKinSogeking_: Embarassing, but no I didn't, to either of those
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1655671528 | 1655672155 | t3_vg48mr | t5_2to41 | 13 | Weirdgirlemo: TIFU by sending sexual Snapchats to this girl
[removed]
thoxo: Lol that's fucked up, first thing you talk sexual and you get mad she's not interested? Some girls will be ok with that, some won't because they feel uncomfortable. Just leave her alone and move on.
BryceThaKidd: Go look at her profile, she’s either a 🤖 or a seriously fucked up individual. Hope they never find her for her safety.
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1655671500 | 1655672382 | t3_vg489z | t5_2to41 | 28 | TheHandsomeBoby: TIFU by making my best friends date each other
First of all, I support them as a couple. I think they're a great match, and they look really cute together, but... Being friends and hanging out with them hasn't been the same since they started dating. A little bit of background info: I (M16) moved to a country about 6 months ago, attended a new school, and basically started a new life in a new place. My best friend, I'll call him John (M15) and my other best friend (at the time just classmate) Sarah (F16) and I were assigned to do a project. Through the process of making the project, I found some habits and interests we shared and quickly became good friends. In the start, I "isolated" myself from my friends to hang out with her. Even though it seems like a bold move, I explained to her a few times, I had no interest in a serious relationship. After about a month, when I pretty much stopped isolating myself and introducing her to my friends (one of the reasons I accompanied her was because she was lonely). When I stopped giving her all my attention, John started even bolder moves (staying with her 24/7, sitting next to her in class, always talking to her etc), which I didn't mind, I appreciated him for accompanying her. It only started bothering me after two months, or more precisely, when they started making out in school (in front of me and other friends), but still wanted me to be with them. I assume some of you know the pain of being a friend to couples, and yeah I've experienced the same. Any advice on what should I do?
UPDATE: From today they're officially a couple
UPDATE 2: I talked with the female best friend, and I assume she spoke with him because they stopped making out in front of everyone.
TL;DR: I made my friend jealous of me hanging out with a female friend, and he started dating her. Now I'm their 3rd wheel.
SalleighG: What would you *like* to have happen?
TheHandsomeBoby: I just want them to hang out alone, and not inviting me to hang out with them and then making out in front of me
SalleighG: "Are you two planning to make out while I am there? Because I feel uncomfortable when you make out in front of me, and I would rather not be there when that happens."
| 4 | 7 | |
1655672415 | 1655673959 | t3_vg4eew | t5_2to41 | 13 | AquaSherbet: Lol you counted? Maybe you’ve got a numbers kink …
Chutson909: Lol…numbers kink.
AquaSherbet: I’m going to introduce an abacus to my sex life and see what happens.
Fnord1966: Neither of us will have the capacity to use it.
AquaSherbet: Challenge accepted.
| 5 | 2.6 | |
1655672097 | 1655681058 | t3_vg4fmv | t5_2to41 | 67 | [deleted]: TIFU by making a condom dissapear and ruining my date's first time having sex
[deleted]
CruisinJo214: If a condom can slip off it’s too big. Buy proper sized condom for safe use.
OkVolume1: The condom is not too big. It is the intended size. It is the willy that's too small.
AvailableTell2851: But that’s still means that the condom is too big
| 4 | 16.75 | |
1655677929 | 1655709072 | t3_vg6gfy | t5_2to41 | 1,060 | Pengious_official: TIFU by catching COVID and ending up like Tom Hanks in The Terminal
Context: I live and study in the UK
​
Two weeks ago I got pickpocketed while in London. As a result of this, my BRP card which is basically a type of residence permit got stolen. While the norm would be to get it replaced, that would take 8 weeks and I had a flight back to see my grandparents in China for the summer in 2 weeks. Obviously the problem is as I've lost my residence permit, I can no longer return to the UK after summer. I thought "no problem, I will just say it got lost in China and return on my temp visa and get it replaced after I return!"
​
Those unfamiliar with China's no COVID policy, it requires a PCR test every single flight before your final destination. As I was travelling from London to Amsterdam and Amsterdam to Hangzhou, I required 2 PCRs. One would be in London, the other in Amsterdam. The London one came out negative, so life was good and I flew to Amsterdam.
​
Heres where the fuck up happens. I found out that somehow between London and Amsterdam I caught COVID and tested positive. It stunned me as I wore both a PPE suit AND N95 and barely moved around at the airport in Amsterdam. A positive test meant that I could no longer return to China and meant I had to quarantine, but the ramifications of it turned me into Tom Hanks in The Terminal.
​
The Amsterdam PCR testing is one of the most sensitive i've ever seen, and with it being the only PCR centre in the airport it could be up to a month before a negative test comes out. Hence I can't go to China. Remember how I said I got pickpocketed and my residence permit got stolen? Because that got stolen I can't return to the UK either. And the final knockout blow, my Schengen Visa expired a week ago, so now I can't even enter Amsterdam. I am just stuck at the airport with nowhere to go. Given the possible things that could've happened this is genuinely the absolute worst.
​
TLDR: Caught COVID at an airport in a country where I have no visa. Can't return back because my residence permit got stolen. Can't go home because the PCR is extremely positive. Could be stuck at said airport for up to a month
foxxpoint: You caught covid before you got to the airport, it can take a while to show up on a test. I'm so sorry you're in this situation.
Lucky_Locks: Plot twist: The pick pocketer gave them COVID
Shadowed_phoenix: Ah, the old reverse pickpocket
Extension-Newt-4468: YouTube video idea :Sneaking covid in peoples pockets
| 5 | 212 | |
1655680765 | 1655681260 | t3_vg7eyj | t5_2to41 | 18 | Arterra19: TIFU by listening to my friend’s running advice
Obligatory mobile apology, obligatory not today but constant since a few years ago. Also I have ADHD so I tend to ramble, but this should at least make a good story.
So one day, I was running in gym with a friend. Said friend was a few years older than me. We were griping about everything, including running, as teenagers do, and my friend noticed how I was running and said I was running wrong, suggested a different way to run, with my heels striking the ground first and foremost. I listened.
A few years later, just after quarantine ended, I started having major joint pain in my legs. I asked my mom to schedule a visit to the chiropractor, because I hadn’t been in about two years. The chiropractor had gone off the rails, anti mask, anti vax, all that, which shouldn’t have been as surprising as it was, in retrospect, but hindsight is 20/20.
Took us ages to find one that we agreed with, but she only did intake appointments on certain weekdays so we had to wait until I had a school break.
I’d noticed my hips were rotated out of place (like a seesaw with the spine as the fulcrum), but at the intake appointment, the chiropractor went “wow, your hips are really rotated,” and proceeded to fix it. Came back a few weeks later, she measured the rotation as half as bad, I’d noticed some reduction in pain, but not much, repeat a few times.
About the time the rotation stopped going down she started looking for a different source for the pain. I posited that it was worse in the mornings, which looking back made sense because I had gym in the mornings, so she suggested I get a new mattress and pillow.
Around this time, I saw a YouTube video that included a description of why the human body runs the way it does. Don’t remember what the video was about, definitely wasn’t about that, but that doesn’t matter. Turns out, the way you run *does* matter, and if you run wrong you fuck up your joints.
I looked at the way I ran. Looked at the way my foot was built to absorb impact from the balls of my feet. Looked at how I landed when I jumped. Fixed the way I ran.
The pain went away. The chiropractor said “yeah, that’d do it.”
TL;DR: Friend told me to land on my heels when I ran. I figured out that was wrong after a few years of that fucking up my legs followed by a year of pain and a YouTube video. Pain went bye bye almost instantly.
mjkjg2: yeah you walk heels first and run toes first
Arterra19: I did figure that out yes.
| 3 | 6 | |
1655682376 | 1655721345 | t3_vg7xb3 | t5_2to41 | 285 | YourMomsBleachedAnus: TIFU for having paranoia about my massive fucking shits.
I’m marking this NSFW because you wouldn’t show this to your boss.
Please note that it was not today but about a year ago. Last week would be the anniversary.
So when I was younger, I had shits. Not your regular shits but shits that would clog even the strongest toilets without fail every, single, time.
One day, I clogged the toilet. My mom told me one time that it hurt her hand to unclog my messes and I felt bad. I used some gloves and took the shit from out the toilet, wrapped it in toilet paper and put it in the bin. I thought I was sneaky and I heard nothing about it till the following morning. They said the bathroom smelt like poo, but I denied the fact that I smelt anything. The bathroom smelt like shite for a week and a half until I decided to be a saint and took the garbage out.
TL;DR: I shitified my house because I was paranoid.
SchopenhauersSon: Sounds like you need a poop knife
YourMomsBleachedAnus: no joke the poop knife thing sounds great for my…situations.
legrand_fromage: The shish kebab is another great extraction technique
https://www.reddit.com/r/awfuleverything/comments/etkc3r/shish_kebab_most_effective_way/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
SelendisSuccubus: omg my fiance used the shish kebab when he was younger
SelendisSuccubus: but he used it so part the shit not to put it out
Spillmill: Like Moses but different
SelendisSuccubus: hahahaha yesss
| 8 | 35.625 | |
1655682919 | 1655744223 | t3_vg836o | t5_2to41 | 112 | betterhavenotexisted: tifu by actually going to the salon as planned
Hi! This happened yesterday, it's 5am here now.
I've been trying short haircuts on my hair so last time i got a short bob and it looked good from the same salon so i thought "I'd try some bangs with it".
I planned to show some pictures of what i wanted and decided today was the day and i was lazy to go but i dragged myself to the salon and there was a new person to cut my hair I didn't think much of it and they did actually cut my hair okay at first but then came to bangs.
I wanted bangs below my eyebrows and not be thick but i was so out of it to say about thickness so i went along thinking it'd just be new even in pictures it wasn't thick but okay it's my mistake but then they cut it shorter than i wanted and when i went home and saw they took some side hair too other than the triangle part they created and cut it at a weird angle.
I have to go to the office in few hours I can make bob look good because they cut it good but idk what to do with the damn bangs I just don't want negative attention, some boys literally stared when i was coming home from salon (Ik it might just my mind going "they're making fun of you") Ik I can just joke about it nobody would actually say much in the office but i work at wework so there are alot of other people too and they'll stare or idk i just don't feel good about it. I'll just get a hat today.
Tldr: New person at the salon cut my bangs too short it was my first time trying bangs 😌
isackhu: No pic?
betterhavenotexisted: Hey i got it now
[picture of my beautiful bangs ](https://imgur.com/a/UKspS7R)
Suzaku_Taichou: That actually kinda look cute ngl
betterhavenotexisted: I sometimes find it cute but idk 🤷♀️ thank you though. I am probably overreacting about it tbh😅
Suzaku_Taichou: Lol...it's better than what happened to me..it got soo fucked up that i had to go bald
betterhavenotexisted: Ohh i can actually get it I once had to get it cut really short because I was sick no regard for any hairstyle she just chopped it.
Suzaku_Taichou: Ahh..i actually wanted to try out an undercut but the barber kinda like got confused or something and dude literally shaved the sides 💀
betterhavenotexisted: Woh, at least you got to know if it suits you or not. Did it?
Suzaku_Taichou: No, it wasn't an undercut...it was something like a shaved boxer with awfully little hair on top
betterhavenotexisted: That's bad what did you do to the barber then?
Suzaku_Taichou: I didn't get mad at him or anything..just left after paying for the cut
| 12 | 9.333333 | |
1655617059 | 1655694376 | t3_vfo927 | t5_2to41 | 13 | Lumottuwu: TIFU by my bad ringtone choice.
So a coupke weeks back I set reminders to drink water on my phone. I decided it would be a good idea to set my reminder ringtone as the alarm sound. (The one on iOS that goes 🚨EERP-EERP-EERP🚨. You can probably see where this is going.) It worked quite well and I never. got jumpscared. I almost never have the sounds on in my phone expect last night. I forgot my sounds on and slept late. So at 8am where my first reminder is my phone started playing that loud alarm sound at max volume and I had the biggest jumpscare in my life. I woke up immediately and my body started jerking and kicking for a good second until I got up. I was borderline crying from fear and was shaking like a maniac. I don’t live alone so I started yelling everyone “Don’t panic” and “There is no need to worry” etc. In retrospective those yells were more panic enducing and something you would say during a real emergency. When I looked at my phone it said:
REMINDER
Drink water! at today 8am
I feel like such a fool now and even 30 minutes later my heartrate is still quite not normal. I tried to be healthy by drinking water but I ended up starting a war alarm at 8am.
TLDR: Had an literal alarm noise as a reminder for drinking water and it ended up playing at 8am.
JackJoestar: Nothin quite like sounding the regional nuclear alarm as a reminder to increase your liquid intake
Iceologer_gang: *Air raid siren* the percentage of H20 in your body must go up
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1655684505 | 1655774332 | t3_vg8jwb | t5_2to41 | 80 | Dylisill: Tifu by opening a video a stranger sent.
Now I’ve never been popular and I only really give my number out to close friends and family. But it’s the first year after not being in school for 2 years so I meet new people and give my numbers to them to stay in touch over the summer.
Now today I’m sending messages to people who have been a father figure to me. Like my grandpas. And one of them I don’t have saved. So I’m scrolling through and I see a number that looks similar and has unread videos.
I click the bottom one now me and my friends play airsoft so at first I thought this was a messed up prank. But I watch a video.
It’s a man on his couch with his phone on a bipod he brings an Ak to his head and. Fires, blowing his head in half.
I feel sick so I scroll up trying to see who this person is. Theresa only three more things they sent me.
A man with a bloody hand that I haven’t watched and a person on a excavator dragging a lot on fire to a pit of pigs. And a message saying enjoy.
I feel sick. I was never popular in middle and elementary because I was a crybaby I thought highschool was a new start. I hoped people would forget and learn that I’m different. I don’t know if this was because of my past but I don’t know how to feels.
TL;DR I was sent a video from a stranger when I watched it was a man killing himself and more.
ladybug68: That is beyond effed up. Being a "cry baby" even if it still was true isn't justification for this. Maybe you were crying alot because people were cruel assholes to you. This IS not on you. Also, this is harassment. Report it. Stop giving your phone number to strangers. Wait until you know them better and are sure they are someone you want in your life.
Dylisill: thing is, it wasn't like i had been throwing them out to everyone i think i only gave 3 kids it and thats it. the only reason is because i trusted them. plus it was a local number so i thought it was safe.
ladybug68: Was it one of their numbers or could it really just be some random jerk or a wrong number?
Dylisill: Could of been, still in my area code and still shouldn’t be sending people that stuff
ladybug68: Agreed. It's horrible. People suck. Be safe.
| 6 | 13.333333 | |
1655687892 | 1655688349 | t3_vg9jqe | t5_2to41 | 33 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #18 Got a story to share? Come and share it on TIFU Talks!
PheonixGalaxy: I’m ok with regular tifu but I like some jokes here and there or a heart to heart moments
JC1812: Got it. Wanna share a story?
PheonixGalaxy: Nah I’m good but thanks for asking
| 4 | 8.25 | |
1655688319 | 1655690930 | t3_vg9og0 | t5_2to41 | 8 | samanthagrey25: TIFU by thinking Dairy Queen would be a good place to grab a quick bite.
[removed]
theedgeofoblivious: I fondly remember chili cheese dogs, chicken strip baskets, and dip cones at Dairy Queen.
This isn't a fuckup at all.
samanthagrey25: The one I got was very very bad 🤢
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1655688556 | 1655712237 | t3_vg9qyc | t5_2to41 | 5,116 | [deleted]: TIFU by using oil instead of lube
(Throwaway acc for obvious reasons)
So today was actually about a week ago.
I was going to do anal for the first time and didn’t have any lubricant.
I didn’t want to buy any because i am very socially awkward and being at the checkout with a bottle of lube would kill me internally.
I did a few google searches and found out that canola oil should work so i tried it.
A few minutes in it started to hurt and get very tight so i stopped.
The day after it hurt like absolute hell so i went to see a doctor.
Turns out i have some sort of allergic reaction to something in the canola oil and my anus was swollen for multiple days.
The swelling has gone down but it still hurts like absolute hell and don’t even get me started on going to the toilet.
(EDIT: for the people wondering how i haven’t noticed the allergy before, to quote u/Atiggerx33 because they explained it best:
„OP may have what normally is a mild allergy to canola oil, so minor they don't even notice it; but when they're soaking some of the most sensitive skin on their body and the mucus membranes inside the rectum for a prolonged period and then adding friction... well that minor allergen can suddenly cause a major reaction.“)
(EDIT 2: i live on the country side of Germany so i don’t have self checkouts, i hate the smell of coconut oil to the point where i puke so i boycott it and i was too horny to order online. Yes it was more awkward to go to the doctor than it would’ve been if i had just bought lube. I did not know about the allergy prior to this incident. Please stop commenting about these things)
TLDR: used canola oil instead of lube for anal, had an allergic reaction, anus swollen, hurt like hell.
Soft_Worker6203: Have not ever eaten canola oil before?
[deleted]: No not really, i usually use olive oil when i cook
Viroplast: Well then why didn't you use olive oil?
[deleted]: Idk, i think i didn’t have any at the time but im not sure
Ralfarius: Doesn't cook with canola oil but has canola oil
*Does* cool with olive oil, doesn't have any?
🤔🤔🤔🤔
[deleted]: No i bought the canola oil for that purpose
Important_Stranger: That makes this even funnier lmao
[deleted]: Funnier for you, a *literal* pain in the ass for me
jamesen101: Coulda been worse coulda been your dick
[deleted]: True
| 11 | 465.090909 | |
1655689094 | 1655709165 | t3_vg9wpp | t5_2to41 | 186 | hgr129: tifu by doing the responsible thing
Sooo today I did the responsible thing and took an uber home from the bar.
Unfortunately my lyft driver either decided to leave the bar and start driving or was under the influence of other things but he decided that while driving me home his best course of direction was to steer into the passanger side guardrail at about 50mph and then a pole and forcing the back end of the car back into the guardrail.... all while I was on the passenger side of the car.
So my responsible decision landed me in the emergency room for the next several hours and lyft playing games on insurance and responsibility and giving me zero answers on how to pay this bill or even refunding me my ride.
Tldr- never book a fucking lyft if you ever get in an Accident they'll play games for hours with you.
Justinesinspace: You’ll most likely need to file a claim through the drivers car insurance. Lyft should at least have the information on file. So sorry — hope you’re alright
hgr129: Lyft is playing games driver ran as soon as I hopped out. I called him into the pd and they seemed interested since he left property damage and they got a call about it.
Hopefully they'll give me more information but currently I'm uninsured for health insurance since I started a new job 2 weeks ago and chose not to cobra since I never expected this to happen and this happened. So if not I'm fucked literally and will be going after lyft since I know they have to have liability insurance for all drivers but it'll cost me a boatload to do so
bscrampz: It is possible that your new insurance can be/is retroactive to your start date, even if you haven’t finished signing up. Talk to HR and see if they can hasten things along.
T-Rexz0R: Have u contacted the police?
Give that he had damaged Govt property, they probably would be interested to handle it
phyrestorm999: >I called him into the pd and they seemed interested since he left property damage
| 6 | 31 | |
1655689530 | 1656563525 | t3_vga1c8 | t5_2to41 | 3 | itisonlyaplant: TIFU by trying to turn on the water at my friend's family cottage
So my friend let me stay at her family's cottage on lake Huron for a night between two kiteboarding sessions. She told me I had to turn a valve to turn the water on. Well so when I got to the cottage, cocky homeowner me thought I would turn a valve and I could hear water flowing. Well after turning one valve, nothing. After turning another still nothing. Now I'm frustrated and I start turning multiple valves. Before you know it I lose track of what valves I've turned!! Now I realized how stupid of a decision I made. I ended up not turning on the water and just decided to leave the cottage.
I decided to call me friend to confess. She was pissed and told me there were clear instructions on the fridge that said to turn on the water, all I had to do was turn on a switch on the electric box that would turn on a pump.
It's been two days since I've turned these valves and I'm paranoid this old family cottage is getting flooded somehow by my stupidity. I'm even paranoid thinking that the water heater is going to cause a fire because I turned a valve and it won't get water.
Someone please tell me if I fucked up as much I think I did.
TL;DR I turned valves aimlessly at my friend's cottage to turn on the water and I'm scared the cottage is being destroyed somehow because of my stupidity
Zealousideal_Key_586: Likely nothing will happen, the pump switch is off. You need to tell them, shouldn’t be a big deal.
itisonlyaplant: Nothing did happen. The father of my friend had a hell of a time fixing my mistake. Thankfully no damage. Biggest weight lifted off my shoulders. Your post relieved my anxiety. Thank you.
| 3 | 1 | |
1655691815 | 1655793847 | t3_vgaq7b | t5_2to41 | 525 | MyLittleThroAway69: TIFU by listing my car on Turo
Obligatory this didn’t happen TODAY but it happened last week…the results are in today. Guess what? TURO SUCKS!
So I recently started working from home and traveling for work. That being so, I figured I’d list my car on Turo since I don’t have a need for my car everyday. Big mistake.
The onboarding process took a little long but nothing crazy. I really enjoyed how easily I could list my car and customize the ins and outs of my services. I set up how and where to get the car from me, what days aren’t available, ground rules, no smoking, etc.
No smoking. Clearly, no smoking. Right?
Now I’m a smoker. I don’t smoke often, and I definitely don’t smoke tobacco. However, I have never smoked in my car. Period. Nobody has smoked in my car, I got the car brand new and it only has 13k miles on it a year later. Not once was I near a barbecue, not once did I smoke, and not once did anyone else smoke in or in the vicinity of my car.
Right, now I release my car to someone, I get it back and the guest was in a hurry. I am greated with 3 of those shitty tacky air freshener trees. Ok. I blast the air and drive home. I start to notice a smoky smell. Whatever, I submit my review and move on. Then I throw away those tacky air fresheners because my car isn’t tacky and I notice the smell of cigarettes smoke gets worse.
The next day I left town for work again and my sister takes my car to help around her house. She texts me that the car smells like cigarette smoke. I get home today and smell the car. It’s stale cigarettes smoke.
Ok, so this is the part where I asked Turo what to do. As per their website: “If a guest returns your car with physical evidence of smoking, you can report the issue in app and charge a $250* smoking violation fee. If the evidence supports an eligible smoking issue, we’ll charge the guest a $250 violation fee, add those funds to your host earnings, and remove the guest from Turo. The presence of a smoking odor only is not an eligible issue.”
Guess what the guest did? Vacuumed the car and erased all physical evidence. But it smells like smoke. I can’t prove with pictures or videos that they smoked in the car!
I used the app to get the contact information of the guest, which she has not opted out of text message contact, and I text her to pay for the smoking fee. Turo declined my charges for smoking due to lack of evidence. The host’s husband then calls me to stop harassing his wife or he’ll beat my ass at my house. Once he knows I’m recording the phone call, he threatens to show up with a lawyer and talks all different.
Turo now has told me that they can’t do anything, my car smells like smoke, and I got threatened by the host.
TL:DR I paid money for someone to drive 600 miles in my car, smoke in my car, and threaten me with violence.
Fuck Turo, do NOT list your vehicle with them.
Edit: escalated issue, AND the guest texted back taunting me saying “good luck with Turo, we cleaned tf outta the car, enjoy your new car smell” From the number associated with the host. Guess what? STILL NOT ENOUGH EVIDENCE FOR TURO APPARENTLY!!!
Idkain: NGL I would’ve smoked a few and put them in the car as “evidence”. Fuck those people. If they’re not going to play fair neither will I
JeepPilot: Let's say the OP did do this. How could the renter "prove" this wasn't factual evidence?
Fenryl-Saylem: Image metadata.
KingoreP99: The image metadata would be taken by the owner... what would the metadata prove? That they took the image at their house?
Fenryl-Saylem: At which time the image was taken.
After already having gone through the process without evidence, all of a sudden having an image dated after the initial dispute would be grounds for suspecting fraud.
Metadata can be manipulated with sufficient knowledge. Which also not everyone is able to do. And most certainly the average user won‘t.
Metadata includes way more than location. It includes camera details and settings, brand, model, date […]
Could it still be factual evidence because „you missed that cigarette bum under the seat“? Sure.
Will a company you have no track record with believe you over the other customers? Most likely not.
Of course there is yet other issues like metadata being stripped when uploading something to certain services, but if something were to go to small claims or whatever handles it, it would hopefully necessary to provide the original file and not send it via whatsapp, facebook, discord […]
wickeddimension: Obviously you'd do this before you go to the progress as you find out there is no evidence to submit.
Create some, voila.
Fenryl-Saylem: And then the people that cleaned the car have some images of their own from after cleaning and you still lose.
Voilà.
There is just so many scenarios where you as someone who provides their property through a service can lose out. And even if the OP has proof, if the other side is trusted with the service or a customer that spends lots of money the new account of OP will just lose out nine out of ten times. That‘s the annoying and cruel truth.
We can keep thinking of scenarios where that wouldn‘t be the case but they are the exception, not the rule.
| 8 | 65.625 | |
1655692633 | 1655699624 | t3_vgayt2 | t5_2to41 | 32 | hellcat_hoodrat: TIFU by going to the beach with my brother and his friends after a breakup
So I (26F) just got out of an 8 year relationship about a month ago. It was messy, and so I’ve just moved back home to my parents house where my brother (24M) is also living. He has his friends over a lot, so we’ve all been hanging out together pretty regularly and I’ve become part of the group. I definitely have guys that I’m closer to, but I get along with all of them pretty well. Everyone in our main group is single, and has been for awhile, so it’s nice to not have a lot of couples around. There’s one guy (23M) - we’ll call him Matt - that I’ve been spending a lot of time with having flirty conversations that have always been reciprocated, and I kinda have started to be interested in. I’ve known Matt for years and we’ve been having great talks, and so I’ve kind of got a little crush on him, but I don’t really want to get involved with for a number of reasons. The main one being, I don’t want to make things awkward.
We decided to do a last minute trip to the beach this weekend with a few of the guys, so five of us went down. We did lots of things as a group, but most of the time it was me, my brother, and Matt. The three of us got on the roof of our cottage one night and I really thought I felt us having a moment when we were up there alone. I let it pass, and went to bed, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
It was great until last night when we went to the pier and we both got much more drunk than usual, in a moment of unconscious thought, I told Matt that I really liked him and wanted to hook up with him. He told me he would but he can’t, because I’m his best friends sister, and I was like “yeah that’s fair” and dropped it. We even talked a minute about his last relationship and how he hasn’t been with someone in years. We then went and listened to the band with everyone else.
He immediately told my brother, who thought it was hilarious and it seemed like no big deal. But when we hung out today the mood was different between Matt and the group and he left really abruptly and I feel bad because I really like this guy as a friend above everything else and I didn’t mean to make him feel uncomfortable when I really just completely misread the conversation. I hate to think I messed up that badly, and I don’t want to message him and make it worse, so I think I have to wait for it to blow over. But it sucks because he won’t look at me or acknowledge me and I feel so embarrassed.
TL;DR: Im recently single and have a crush on my brother’s best friend. We’ve been having some flirty moments and I came on to him while we were drunk on a beach trip. Now he won’t look at me or talk to me and I ruined the friend group.
totaltraash6773: You didn't ruin the friend group dude. They're being stupid af. Person A: Flirts. Person B: Flirts back. They are both into it.. There shouldn't be a problem here, who gives af if he friends with your brother. Shouldn't that mean your brother "approves" of the guy? If he's good enough to chill with he obviously knows who the guy is... so isn't that better than some rando?? I'm confused honestly. They need to grow up, just sayin🤷♂️
hellcat_hoodrat: See, that’s what I thought this morning, but with how he’s acting everyone can tell something is up and I’m just waiting for it to come out. I haven’t ever had a lot of luck dating, and I’ve only been with two guys that I had been in serious relationships with. I just hate that it got so messy so quickly. Hopefully in a few days it’ll be better.
Supratoast: I had a friend who got pissed that I talked to his cousin and said I thought she was attractive and it was weird, almost like he was jealous
| 4 | 8 | |
1655693257 | 1655718491 | t3_vgb5nt | t5_2to41 | 11 | asbit7: TIFU by falling in love with someone that isn’t ready for a relationship
TIFU well, I don’t know the exact day I actually fell in love with him, but yea recently.
I knew from the start he didn’t want a relationship, wasn’t over his ex and has a lot of issues and traumas from his past.
I knew all that, yet, stupid me, fell in love with him, ignoring everything, or hoping I could change him, save him (silly me, I know)
Now who’s the one in pain? ME.
It’s one of the most painful things I’ve ever had to go through.
But what was I expecting? He warned me from the start that he wouldn’t be with me. Yet my heart did its own thing.
Yes I fucked up. But i’m 22, so I guess this is one of many things I will be experiencing in life.
Guys, a word of advice; if someone tells you they don’t want to be with you, don’t hope for a change. Leave or you will get too attached and by the time you know it, you’re in a one sided love.
TL;DR I fell in love with someone I knew wasn't ready to be with me
Marcel___: a similar thing happened to me 5 years ago, and I know how it hurts, what helped me, was to break contact and try to keep myself occupied, after 2 months it didn't hurt as much anymore and after a year I was over it.
SirSqueeboo: Same here. She admitted she had the same feelings but wasn’t ready to commit to them.
Marcel___: in my case the love was one sided and she got together with someone else
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1655699458 | 1655740807 | t3_vgcym9 | t5_2to41 | 717 | LickMyCheezBalls: TIFU by paying someone $15000
I work in accounts, and one of the things we do regularly is pay people for overtime. The manager sends us a form, we plug the numbers in, they get the cash.
In the pay system we use, you put in a 3 digit numerical code for the type of OT you want to pay, then the number of hours, and let the system work out the rest. We are supposed to check the final payments screen to make sure everything adds up correctly, but if we're in a rush, we often leave that step out to save time. What's the worst that could happen?
One day, I'm working through a mountain of requests, and I haven't slept terribly well. I open an email for 3 hours of OT. I plug in code 215 (for double time OT) for 3 hours, and move on without checking as it's almost pay day and tasks are coming thick and fast.
That was a couple of weeks ago. Today, I get a call from a manager who was doing an audit, asking why their unit's OT bill was so large last pay. I look into it, and find its all coming from one employee. I open their pay record, preparing expletives about whichever idiot on my team entered the data badly, only to see *my* name next to an entry which has code 215, hours...215. In my sleepy overconfidence, I had entered the code in both boxes, and accidentally paid someone 215 hours of OT instead of 3. Total cost: a little bit over $15,000, for someone whose pay was normally around $900 per week after tax.
Normally we have a couple of failsafes - I should have checked myself, and one of the IT guys usually scans for any strange figures, but he was off sick that day, and i was, well, fucking up...
So now we have to get all that cash back, and hope they don't go to Belize in the meantime.
**Tl;dr: I rushed my job and paid someone 212 more hours of OT than I should have**
ScarletMedusa: I used to work as a problem manager for an IT company who provided services to multiple organisations. Had a similar issue where at end of year the totals were off by about £100,000. A week of investigation found a date had been entered wrong, 2091 instead of 2019, for several payments and it had completely buggered the calculation.
Vendor said it would need a complete rewrite of the software to prevent the issue in future, and this would take months/years and cost thousands. I suggested adding an ‘are you sure this is right’ check for dates outside expected range ( current financial year) which got implemented, saved the company and the vendor probably in the region of a million pound between then. My reward …. ‘Nice job, OP’ from my manager…..
LickMyCheezBalls: But I bet that verbal back pat warmed your heart through to Friday
ScarletMedusa: Sadly not. The following day there was a meeting where someone else took credit for it and they were praised heavily for it and was told to put it in their year end achievements for a job well done. When I tried to say something I was ‘’’randomly disconnected from the meeting’’’.
This was the same company that did not replace one team member when they left, then did nothing when both the remaining other team members were simultaneously off sick and then bitched like hell when they got neither the same quantity nor quality of work done when I was there on my own. They also berated me for a personal Facebook post where I mentioned that my son, who was 4 at the time, had picked up on how unhappy I was that he had climbed on my chair and told me he would do my work so I wasn’t sad any more. I also ended up getting signed off work with stress for 6 weeks because of that, only to hear they brought in some help for the other 2 because they couldn’t be expected to do all the work between them despite me being made to all of it on my own when they were both off.
That place broke me. It broke me so bad.
hellocaptin: If you act like a punching bag people are gonna hit you a lot...
potato-milk-is-cum: But everyone isn't lucky enough to be able to just leave a job if you don't like it. Alot of people live hand to mouth, it's impossible to quit live off savings for a couple of months while you get a new job if you can't afford savings.
Don't victim blame people dude...
Xvlo: I think he said it poorly, but note that you're oversimplifying the other way. I don't think he's saying "just leave a job if you don't like it", if a company is abusing you, they are going to let you go eventually. If not after your first screw up, certainly after your performance dips because you have burned out.
If you're living hand to mouth you have even less leeway to give to companies because not only can you not afford a mental health break to get over your burn out, you don't want them to blind side you with it and have to scramble and find a new job while those wounds are still fresh. Not to mention trying to focus on job hunting with the added stress of imminent financial ruin.
Marnico_: Thank you for giving a detailed, nuanced and non-moralising view
| 8 | 89.625 | |
1655703190 | 1655761880 | t3_vgdz5r | t5_2to41 | 6 | Straight_Boys: TIFU by insulting my sister's best friend.
Okay, so I'm a sophomore in high school with one elder sister who is a senior. I went up to my sister's room tonight to call her over for dinner, and as I stepped in, she was on the phone with her closest friend, Bella. I dislike Bella because I find her annoying; my sister is aware that I dislike Bella. So when I asked my sister if she was calling Bella, she said "yes." When I questioned her if she had muted the call, she said "yes," but she was lying since the facetime call wasn't truly muted. Thinking the call was muted, I shouted, "hey come downstairs for dinner and stop talking to this ugly bitch." I said it as a joke (I know that it's an unfunny joke, I don't know what I was thinking at that time), but immediately after, I heard a gasp from my sister's phone, and I realized I fucked up since the facetime call wasn't truly muted. I know it's my fault, but I'm not sure how I'm going to solve it. I'll have to see Bella at school once summer break ends in two months. I'm a sophomore, and she's a senior, so I only have a year to avoid her until she graduates. I know I fucked up, but I need your help. What should I do? Should I simply keep my mouth shut and hope she forgets? Do I need to apologize? Should I just stay away from her till she graduates? I don't know what to do since I'm in so much shame, and she's going to despise me now. I urgently want assistance.
TL;DR by making an unfunny and an offending joke towards my sister's best friend and I feel ashamed of myself
DeepFudge9235: You can try acting more mature and take ownership of you f/u and simply apologize to Bella. No need to avoid her since she's your sister's friend.
Straight_Boys: I never really talked to Bella apart from telling her my name, my age and such simple things like this. I feel really awkward going to her and apologizing, I'm also afraid she won't forgive me
Ocean_Spice: Wait, you’ve never even talked to her and you already dislike and insult her? You’ve got problems, damn.
Straight_Boys: i mean we're not friends but Bella came to our house multiple times and she even went on many of our family trips, that's how close she is to my sister. I have stayed in the same area as Bella a lot of times for long times at once and I never really had a good vibe from her. I know that I'm just so stupid for acting that way hopefully I learn from my lesson
DeepFudge9235: So you were mean just to be mean, not because of anything she did. Perhaps the vibe was your own insecurities about yourself creeping out. Take a look in the mirror and work on yourself to be a better person.
| 6 | 1 | |
1655704036 | 1655706673 | t3_vge76c | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: Tifu by taking bowling too serious
[deleted]
GeneralChillMen: Guys this dude has been writing the same damn post for almost a year now. It’s always some super macho guy says something about girls aren’t good at sports, he makes a wager with girl, then gets his ass kicked in said bet and has to wear a dress.
He “then comes here” to write about his fuck up and either a) ask if he should back out of the bet or b) ask what type of dress he should wear. Inevitably when this post blows up, he’ll start asking people to stop commenting because he doesn’t want people to see it.
Off the top of my head he’s previously “lost” bets in arm wrestling, basketball and pool.
EDIT: Found [the basketball one.](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/mpnj19/tifu_by_challenging_a_girl_to_a_1_v_1_in/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Sound familiar?
beaverbait: You would think he'd learn to stop underestimating them!
| 3 | 4 | |
1655707889 | 1655712962 | t3_vgf69d | t5_2to41 | 42 | SellingMakesNoSense: TIFU by losing my social circle by not confronting rumours
[removed]
CozyBlueCacaoFire: You didn't FU. You cut off people in your life that isn't worth your friendship, it's a good thing.
chloebanana: 
| 3 | 14 | |
1655709713 | 1655716082 | t3_vgfn3o | t5_2to41 | 10 | Traditional-Job-5545: TIFU by binging meth and probably infecting kids with covid
Not today but yesterday Tried smoking clear for the first time at the start of my weekend. Stayed up all weekend and went into work with no sleep. I was feeling sick and was stuffed up but figured it was all meth and lack of sleep and food. I got home from work and my dad told me to take a covid test because he tested positive. I took one and I sure as shit had it to. The worst part is I work fast food I came in from a cigarette break and and we got hit pretty hard. I was trying to look for gloves but everyone told me hurry up and just make the food. So I made like 4 kids meals with no gloves after touching my mouth with covid. I really hope no one catches it because of me. To make this even worse I took a covid test over my weekend but was so damn spun I didn’t do it right and thought I was good.
TL;DR I was so spun I didn’t take a covid test right so I went into work and made kids meals with no gloves while having covid
Germangunman: Meth caught my wife up and destroyed my marriage. I am left with two kids without a mom and loss of a partner I knew for 12 years. You can do better for yourself.
Traditional-Job-5545: No I can’t
thoxo: Of course you can. By saying no I can't you are making your mind about this idea. I don't know your life but there's always a way out of this.
Traditional-Job-5545: Drugs are the only thing that keep me going I don’t want help I just want to get high
MauPow: Bruh just smoke weed, fuck meth
Traditional-Job-5545: I do it’s not enough
MauPow: That's the drugs talking. You'll never get enough of them. *You* are enough without them.
Traditional-Job-5545: I bet
| 9 | 1.111111 | |
1655709957 | 1655742411 | t3_vgfpat | t5_2to41 | 56 | [deleted]: TIFU by having my mom and brother find my porn folder
[deleted]
Creinium13: Who cares? It’s naked people fucking. She’s done it.
Unless it’s incriminating just let it blow over.
You’ll be embarrassed for a while but it’s not the end of the world.
Super_Kami_Popo: Well, its CP so its very incriminating.
The-Solid-Smoker: Well, looks like OP bout to have a dope Christmas then.
He got his mom by the britches.
| 4 | 14 | |
1655715719 | 1655727799 | t3_vgh375 | t5_2to41 | 18 | SnooTangerines1675: tifu by telling my brother he was lucky
So for background my dad is kind of abusive, thinking about doing a true off my chest post about it soon, so I HATE going there, not sure about my half brother tho. But he doesn't *legally* have to, just me, so he barely ever comes over to my dad's with me.
To start this story off, we were taking through discord, as we don't live togther, and I asked him if he was coming over this weekend. He replied with "No, I need time to myself" and without thinking I said "Lucky" right when my dad arrived. So when I came back to my mom's after my dad's weekend I see that he responded with "Lucky?"
"How the fuck am I lucky?" "My dog had to be put down."
"And you think that's lucky?" I just told him that I didn't know and that I'm sorry, I also told him that of he needs to talk about it, that I'm there for him (since I've lost many dogs... not sure if he knows that tho)
TL;DR Told my (half) brother that he was lucky that he didn't have to go to our abusive dad's, not knowing that it was due to the fact that he had to put down his one of his dogs... which happens to be the one that I think has been with him the most through tough times. Now I feel like a shit bags personal shit bag.
ihaventgotany: Actually I think your brother was a bit of a jerk about it. You wouldn't know unless he told you, and clearly he didn't.
SnooTangerines1675: I mean, I get your point... but wouldn't you get atleast a little bit mad of your dog had to be put down and your own damn brother says lucky?
ihaventgotany: No, not if my brother didn't know. He definitely in the "I feel bad so I'll make sure you feel bad too" camp.
nanny2359: You're not thinking that straight when your pet just died
| 5 | 3.6 | |
1655716774 | 1655717783 | t3_vghc3a | t5_2to41 | 22 | YoungJack00: TIFU by letting my father using my camera
I work with my father and one day he asked me for my camera because he had to take some pictures of scratches on a new car (we have a car showroom). I was busy so I just gave it to him without thinking much about it.
After a couple of days he calls me to his office, "it must be about work" I thought, I take a seat and I notice the camera on the desk, but again, nothing weird, right?
He starts straight away with "You shouldn't smoke weed when you drive" - I was puzzled, what? I do smoke weed, he may know it (I was caught with 3 plants in our garage when I was 14) but why is he telling me this ?
"w..what?" I reply - "I saw the camera's gallery and okay you smoke weed but it's dangerous for you and others if you do it and then drive, don't do it again" - Again, what ? There's nothing in the gallery I thought, but I didn't ask for any explanation because it would be super cringe to watch the gallery together, so I apologised, promised to not do it again, took the camera and left.
Needless to say that I checked the gallery as soon as I was alone, and beside artistic pictures there was this single video that was "accidentally" taken by my gf while we were sitting on a table in the countryside, the camera was on this table and you could clearly see me grinding some weed while talking to my gf, she asks me "What did you do yesterday ?" - "Nothing special really, we went on the beach, smoked a couple of joints, had some beers and then I drove everyone home" I said, while closing the joint, the video ends right after I light it up, you can imagine how much I cringed while watching it.
If my father was suspicious about me smoking weed, well, now he has a visual proof.
TL;DR My girlfriend accidentally takes a video of me rolling a joint while telling her how many joints I smoked the day before and then drove all my friends home; days later my father watches it.
​
Edit: I didn't say I was drunk/tipsy or stoned af, what I did say is a couple of beers and some weed, I was perfectly fine lol
breaktime1: I'm more concerned about the drinking and driving part
Creinium13: I agree.
| 3 | 7.333333 | |
1655716637 | 1655721036 | t3_vghaxm | t5_2to41 | 6 | SpicedCinnamonCake: TIFU by screwing with an old clock
We started exams so instead of having school transportation, we have had to find other ways to get home. Today, after grabbing a bite to eat I jumped on a bus to my town and went for my grandmas house, deciding to take my brothers bike home with me. Also, I didn’t want to wait another hour for the bus that goes directly to my neighborhood.
I went in the house and opened the garage, as I was about to leave I noticed an old, wooden, peeling clock on my dads workbench. The glass frame was propped open, and the the clock itself was dead.
Now, being the dumbass I am, I decided to move the clock hands to the nearest hour. And, the thing sprang to life. Nothing loud, just creaky old ringing. I moved the hands back but the clock was still making noise. I left the garage, thinking it’d die down eventually.
We have birds in the house, and they started screaming once the clock went off.
The clock ran for a half hour. The birds then proceeded to scream for half an hour.
I just plugged in my headphones and smiled maniacally at the ceiling from my bed, trying to ignore the chaos I unleashed downstairs
TL;DR : I screwed with an old clock, it started ringing, it set off our birds
sickdude_name: I really read this as "TIFU by screwing with an old co*k" 💀
SpicedCinnamonCake: 😭😭😭😭
| 3 | 2 | |
1655720571 | 1655818058 | t3_vgi96n | t5_2to41 | 4,385 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting pierced in my ass
[deleted]
Imafish12: Lol, I was reading this and just thinking dude go to the Urgent Care/ER. This kind of nonsense is exactly what we are here for.
i-d-even-k-: ER doesn't seem to give a shit, though.
sorator: They care, it's just not a top priority. Unfortunately, sometimes you need the resources that you can really only get at a hospital, but you aren't in life-threatening danger; you just have to wait.
I had to do the same thing just a few days ago. Sudden, extremely severe pain in my left side, feels different from musculoskeletal pain, probably something going on with my kidney, could be a kidney stone or could be something else. 10pm, only place to go is the ER. Didn't leave the ER until 7am the next morning; it's a moderately-sized kidney stone, not big enough to need special treatment.
papa-hare: Kidney stones are super "fun" because they generally don't even give you anything for them, they just tell you to wait and pass them. In pain. Or at least that's what they used to do.
sorator: Yeah ;-;
Doc said he could give me IV ibuprofin, or I could just buy some in pill form over the counter. By then the pain had gone from "barely holding in screams" to merely "very uncomfortable and vaguely nauseating," so I didn't feel the need.
I was mostly there to double-check that I wasn't hemorrhaging for some reason; I knew they wouldn't do much if it were in fact a kidney stone.
Still haven't passed it yet. Still hurts. Bodies suck.
CloudPositive528: My husband got an anti inflammatory and Flomax to help pass it. Still was in pain but he passed it a day later. Stone came out while he was taking a piss and could hear it "clink" into the toilet. He said that part wasn't nearly as painful as the stone going from kidney to bladder, so hopefully your past the worst of it!
sorator: Unfortunately mine was "high" (aka had a ways to go yet) so it's still giving me grief, though not *as* much as the initial episode. I'm hoping to get in to see a urologist soon-ish to talk about medication options.
| 8 | 548.125 | |
1655727406 | 1655822168 | t3_vgk4z3 | t5_2to41 | 429 | [deleted]: TIFU trying to show my friend my 'skincare'
So, technically this happened a little while ago but I've been told you'd all appreciate my humiliation.
The short-ish version is, a little while ago I had been recommended a new moisturiser by my friend. I tried it out and it was great. I went to send a selfie to my friend who had suggested it to show my shiny moisturised face.. 2 things went wrong with this plan though:
1: I sent the picture to our group chat by mistake
And
2: I failed to notice the mirror behind me that was showing off a lot more than just my face.
In my defense, it was very early when I made the mistake, and even though I realised and deleted the picture.. it was up for about 5 minutes so still not entirely sure how many people saw it. So far I've been laughed at a lot by my friends who definitely did see it, but can't work out if the ones who haven't said anything saw it or not.. fingers crossed they didn't.
So there you go. I managed to basically flash far more than my face to a dozen or so of my friends. Hope that counts.
The even shorter version is...
TL;DR.
Rather than showing my friend how much I liked her skincare recommendation I managed to basically flash a dozen or so people.
Morasain: Wait, so you took a naked selfie and mooned your friends?
How do you take a picture while naked and not think "I should double check this"?
[deleted]: It was framed for just shoulders and up but I somehow completely missed the reflection in the mirror unfortunately
Morasain: Intellectually I understood that, I just don't get why you took it naked in the first place :D
Birdman0414: My assumption would be that op had just taken a shower before applying the skin care items
Nandabun: Also being naked as much as possible is a thing some people do.
cycloneariel: "No pants are the best pants"
Nandabun: That's the type of pants I have on right now! Lol
| 8 | 53.625 | |
1655729114 | 1655743409 | t3_vgkoqo | t5_2to41 | 20,087 | sadolddrunk: TIFU by claiming to be Jewish
This didn’t happen today, or yesterday, or the day before that. In fact, it happened almost ten years ago. But this particular fuckup continues to affect me to this very day.
Several years ago, after a bad breakup, I decided to cheer myself up by getting back into tabletop gaming, a hobby I’d largely given up. I discovered meetup.com and responded to a handful of posts from people looking for new players for their games. But the first few that I responded to weren’t great — one of them was really far away, another one already had like 8 players, etc. So I started going into these events with the mindset that I very well may never see the people I meet ever again.
Flash forward to a post by a guy I’ll call Derek, looking for people to join his D&D game. It turned out that he only lived a few blocks from me, and Derek and the other guys who were there (let’s call them Philip and Matthew) all seemed easy to get along with. So far, so good.
Everything was going great until Matthew suggested we order pizza. Philip looked up a place on his delivery app, we collectively decided what we wanted to get, and then Philip announced that the place had a special where we could get bacon as an additional topping for no cost.
“Ah, free bacon, the classic Jewish dilemma,” I quipped.
Matthew’s expression immediately changed, and Derek said that I shouldn’t make jokes like that because Matthew was Jewish.
Now, I didn’t mean to offend anyone with my stupid little joke, and I certainly don’t have any ill-will towards Jewish people in general or Matthew specifically. And I was still thinking that it was very possible that I’d never see these people again -- even if Derek and I hit it off, what are the odds that Matthew (or for that matter Philip) would be back next week? So to smooth things over I said that it was okay because I was also Jewish. I am blond and green-eyed, and generally speaking I look more like Nazi propaganda than the average Jewish person, but Matthew was visibly relieved and the tension dissipated, and I figured that was that.
Except it wasn’t. Derek invited me back the next week, and when a new player joined the group, Derek immediately told him that I was Jewish. Derek, Philip, Matthew, and the new player (let’s call him JoJo, as I’m running out of fake names) went on to become some of my closest friends. And Matthew keeps inviting me to temple and various Jewish events, because somehow despite living in NYC I’m one of his only Jewish (“Jewish”) friends.
Ten years later, our friendships are still going strong, Derek continues to tell everyone that we meet that I’m Jewish, and Matthew continues to invite me to Seders and temple and so forth. And now I’m in so deep that I’ve resorted to researching Jewish culture and history so that I can maintain the charade. L’Chaim, my Reddit friends.
TL;DR -- I claimed to be Jewish to avoid offending a new acquaintance I thought I'd never see again, but he and the rest of the group all stayed friends with me for years and continue to believe that I'm Jewish.
Edit: a few things since I'm getting a lot of repeat questions.
A lot of people asked about Derek introducing me as Jewish to people, which I addressed [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/vgkoqo/tifu_by_claiming_to_be_jewish/id2nnam/?context=3).
Some people suggested that I should (or should've ten years ago?) said that I was ethnically or culturally Jewish but not religiously Jewish, which I addressed [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/vgkoqo/tifu_by_claiming_to_be_jewish/id2242p/?context=3).
A few people asked about the risks of me being introduced to women -- I'm happily married to a (non-Jewish) woman who is fully familiar with this story (and is very amused by it). I should point out that I am only believed to be Jewish within that group, and I don't generally go around pretending to be Jewish a la Berg from *Curb Your Enthusiasm*. Also, that group has largely dispersed, with Derek and JoJo moving out of state and Matthew moving pretty far out on Long Island, so these days it's really only an issue in terms of the guilt I feel when I get Shanah Tovah cards.
A lot of people said that Matthew overreacted, or I should tell Matthew that I've had a change of faith or I'm not that observant or something similar. It's not like he's been hounding me to go to temple every week for the last ten years. He only invited me to a few cultural events at his temple, to Seder a couple of times (we attended), and to his son's bris (we attended). Matthew's not even particularly religious or observant -- we were in the process of ordering a pepperoni pizza when Philip noted the free bacon deal which triggered all this. Matthew's a good guy and a good friend, did nothing wrong, and is absolutely not the problem here.
Contrariwise, a lot of people -- like, hundreds of you -- said I should just convert. I'm not entirely ruling it out, but I was raised somewhere between half-assed Protestant and heathen and don't really have any deeply-held spiritual beliefs. So as of right now if I converted I would just be going through the motions, which I feel would be dishonest and disrespectful to the religion and the people who adhere to it.
To everyone who commented "oy vey" or "mazel tov" or anything along those lines, each and every one of you is a marvelously-unique mastermind of comedic creativity and genius.
A lot of people had comments about the joke I made -- some thought it was funny, some thought it was offensive, and some drew broader conclusions. It's not my place to tell anyone how to feel. I have half a dozen close friends from college who are Jewish, and probably at least a third of my work friends and colleagues are Jewish, and a lot of them enjoy sharing Jewish jokes, so having spent my entire adult life in that context I felt a level of comfort with that material that I really shouldn't have with a group of people who didn't know me very well. So the larger lesson here (other than “tell the truth” and “don’t tell offensive jokes”) is to remember that when you meet someone they don't know what's in your heart, and it's your job to make sure they understand what you mean, and not the other way around. And after all this if you still think that I'm racist or anti-Semitic for telling a mildly-inappropriate joke and then proceeding to becoming close family friends with the recipient for the rest of our lives, well, I hope you find peace.
McDogeMuffin: This is hilarious! Do you think you’ll ever come clean?
sadolddrunk: No, I’m in wayyy too deep. Frankly at this point it would be easier to convert.
WrongHoleMyBad: I hope you've done the research on the conversion process...
✂️🍆
sadolddrunk: Meh, like most American men of my generation I was circumcised as a baby. So if they ever decide to strip-search me I'll pass that test.
TechyDad: Ah, but if you actually convert, they'd need to take a drop of blood from that area as a sort of "ritual circumcision."
On the bright side, you can celebrate Purim. That's the holiday where you dress up in costumes, exchange presents, and are religiously commanded to get drunk!
Outrager: What happens if someone doesn't want to drink?
TechyDad: To be honest, I never drink on Purim. Still, it's interesting that there's an actual religious commandment to get drunk on a holiday when so many religions view drunkenness as sinful.
ahkian: Judaism is all about the wine. There's even a blessing specifically for wine.
Unsweeticetea: *But is there a blessing for the Tsar?*
ahkian: Am I OOTL? That joke went over my head.
Unsweeticetea: From "Fiddler on the Roof". Also source of the "Tradition" song. Highly recommend the movie for good references and some history of shtetl life.
The response line is: "May God bless and keep the Tsar... far away from us!"
ahkian: Hahaha thanks for the explanation. I still need to see that play.
| 13 | 1,545.153846 | |
1655730667 | 1655741238 | t3_vgl71g | t5_2to41 | -1 | SnooPineapples9262: TIFU by masturbating too much.
So, I just woke up with my arm paining so much. I initially thought it was because i slept in an odd position or because i went to the gym after a long time. But on thinking about it another possibility presents itself. Note, I am female. I have the habit of using a water faucet to masturbate. I aim the water down there and it feels great. I've never got a vibrator because i dont have that much money and it's also not easy to get where I live. Masturbating with hands takes too much time for me so the faucet is the way to go. But recently i temporarily moved in with family and the faucet in my room here is a bit different i have to keep it pressed really hard while pointing it so it takes quite a bit of effort. So i think i hurt my hand by doing that every day.
TL;DR: possibly hurt my hand by masturbating too much with a water faucet.
letsgohalfs: Pics please
BushDid2008: what a weird individual
letsgohalfs: I had the same problem. Just trying to help
BushDid2008: somehow i don't believe that. If that is the case i think its probably best to leave it to a doctor who could correctly diagnose
| 5 | -0.2 | |
1655733814 | 1655735271 | t3_vgm91r | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by not being single
[deleted]
Hd0ggg: What toxic things are you doing?
Wrong_Celebration_14: I’m ngl I’m clingy asf, not even in the cute way. I get overly attached too quick so it makes me mad easily when they don’t text back. And sometimes but rarely I’m manipulative but don’t realize I’m being manipulative until after it’s done so I can’t stop it halfway through.
Datapunkt: Sounds like you're not happy with yourself and fear losing them so you always want to know what's going on with your gf so you can judge your position for her more easily.
I'd recommend you learn to be happy with yourself and focus on your hobbies or stuff you're doing when she's not with you while also improving your shortcomings. Sounds easy but it's very hard and I had to also learn to accept myself and relationships are a lot more comfortable now.
Wrong_Celebration_14: You just completely perfectly psycho-analyzed me. Thank you
| 5 | 2 | |
1655737730 | 1655756011 | t3_vgnnc9 | t5_2to41 | 3 | imnewonredditso: tifu on my first day of my class. help
Today was first day(online classes) and i was unable to join the class and i message my teacher and he called me to explain and guess what by mistake I called him uncle. Why????? I need help . I hope other students didn't listen that . After that , my teacher called me and i noticed i was unable to login because i forget the Freaking password then i changed it and thanked my teacher after that i was not able to login form any device it is showing "multiple attempts".i have tried to clean calche and all . At this point i am too embarrassed to text him again ( even though he asked me to if i face any problems ). I don't even remember how many times i have tried to login in (maybe hundreds) help me and spare " you are immature" talk part as i am 16 and inexperienced help me . Should I message him for help?
TL;DR: tifu on my first day of my class
AcrobaticSource3: What class is this?
imnewonredditso: Accountancy
| 3 | 1 | |
1655738689 | 1655740044 | t3_vgo0jp | t5_2to41 | 9 | JVM4RQZ: TIFU by going online on my friend's phone
So this happened a little less than 3 weeks ago but I only found out about it a few days ago. So me and my friends were hanging out and it got quite late so I thought maybe someone was messaging me or looking for me. My phone was broken at this point in time and it was with a repair guy so I thought of borrowing my friend's phone to log in my messenger account to see if anyone messaged me. Saw my mother asking if I was already on my way home and to buy chocolates for my older brother who needed a sugar rush to study for his exams, after that checked a group chat with my friends (another group of friends that the friends I hung out with didn't know about except for the guy whose phone I borrowed). My friend who owns the phone knows about that group chat because I sent a few screenshots of the conversation me and my other friends have over there cause I thought he might find it funny. At some point in the past, around maybe a year ago, he asked me if he could join that group chat and I was hesitant about it cause I really don't think he would fit in.
I'm more personal and open to the friends in that group chat than I am to the friends I was with at the time. The topics there vary from our love lives, family problems, anime/manga tastes (the friends I hung out with think anime is for kids and reading manga is lame) and hentai cause why not. Also, I'm not really open about my love life and family problems to my friends (that I hung out with that day) because they can be quite annoying with the love life topic and family problems usually just kill the mood we have.
After I got home, I talked in the group chat with my other friends about how I think I have a girl I like (I avoided taking romantic interest cause I was afraid that if I somehow manage to get a girlfriend, I might end up like my cousin who dropped out of school). Talking about my love life especially is annoying cause they just shove it in my face even if I tell them to stop, this girl from our class once had a crush on me (only liked her as a friend and never even thought of a romantic relationship with her) and they would tell everybody that I'm dating her. Even when I tell them to stop it they'll say "No need to be shy about it, we know you're dating.". Anyway, the friend whose phone I borrowed asked to join that group chat, I didn't want to let him in but he really wanted in so I added him there but I also told him I'll remove him after 15 minutes. He messaged in the group chat, didn't really fit in bit for some reason he felt that he did.
Fast forward to a few days ago, me and my friends were walking home and my friend (the one whose phone I borrowed) told me that he didn't remove my account from his phone and opened it and read that group chat. I was so mad at him but I managed to hold it in, I then asked him why he did that and he responded with "It's fine, I'm part of that group chat anyway, right?". That only made me even more mad, not only did he invade my privacy and the others in that group chat, he feels that what he did wasn't wrong and justified.
Tl;dr Borrowed my friend's phone to go online in messenger, he didn't remove my account in his phone and read a more personal group chat and he feels it's justified.
LegendOmegaX: Today you also learnt that you don't leave your account logged in on someone's phone who isn't on par with your best friend.
JVM4RQZ: I didn't leave it logged in, I logged out and switched it back to his account before giving it back.
LegendOmegaX: How was he able to use your account unless you saved your login info there?
JVM4RQZ: I would assume his messenger is set to save the log in information of other accounts added to his device considering he has multiple accounts.
LegendOmegaX: Well that sucks. Remember to remove your account completely next time.
| 6 | 1.5 | |
1655743719 | 1655748667 | t3_vgpxmg | t5_2to41 | 10 | sleeplessinmtl: TIFU: because I can't keep my mouth shut
This just happened. This is my TIFU....
I was walking my kids back to school after their lunch break. Got to a corner, my girls didn't stop, so I spoke loudly so they would stop. There was alot of traffic.
Once I got to my kids, I told them that there's an "idiot that wants to turn" without thinking.
I tend to speak before I think..... I also tend to speak loudly....
That's when my oldest looked at me and asked me if I recognized the driver.... At first I said no.... It turns out that it was a teacher at my kids school that was driving the said vehicle....now this isn't one of my kids teachers, but this teacher does work in the same grade as my youngest.
Now I feel like an ass. I hope the teacher didn't hear me.
Lesson learned: think before you speak! 🤦🏼♀️
TL/DR
I didn't recognize who was in a vehicle turning the corner while bringing my kids back to school. Told the kids that " some idiot wants to turn" loudly without thinking... Turns out the driver was a teacher at my kids school.
Edit to add: the drivers windows were open.... So I'm like 50% sure that the teacher heard me.
MikeTakrelyt: Question is:so you call all people you don't know idiot? Then you are the idiot.
Or was the driver driving recklessy and turning where it is not allowed? In that case I don't see anything wrong, except talking like that in front of your kids
sleeplessinmtl: The teacher was turning on a small side street that leads to the main boulevard.... There's a big triangular grassy area with a few bus stops that separates both streets. Turning on that street is useless... Other than being able to avoid the traffic lights, there is no reason to turn on that less than 350 meters of street, unless you live in one of the three houses on that little bit of street. The teacher in question seemed to be in a hurry and turned as one of my kids put their foot on the street. It was clear that as pedestrians, we wanted to cross the street. Here the law states that if there isn't a stop sign or traffic lights, the pedestrian has right of way.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1655744941 | 1655752386 | t3_vgqfdg | t5_2to41 | 26 | [deleted]: TIFU by leaving my phone in my front pocket on a roller coaster
[deleted]
AnotherDork: My guy, it was not father's Day yesterday. Or am i tweaking?
Beckandrews: It absolutely was yesterday
LC_Anderton: Someone’s in trouble 😏
| 4 | 6.5 | |
1655745332 | 1655748329 | t3_vgqkuj | t5_2to41 | 18 | FiggNewton: TIFU by putting toothpaste on my ass
On one hand I can’t believe I’m about to post this, on the other I feel it’s just funny not to tell SOMEONE. This was a few years ago. My husband & dad always played in this fancy golf tournament every year, and there’s all these fancy parties. And afterparties. And at the after party Saturday night my friend who is a beekeeper brought some honey and my drunk ass ate that shit like whinnie the Pooh all night.
The next day, Sunday is the fanciest party, so I’m all dressed up at the country club (not my scene so it’s already awkward) and my tummy starts hurting.
It gets worse and worse until it’s so bad my parents take me to the ER. I’m admitted. It’s bacterial diverticulitis. When I tell you I shat myself silly for a week straight… it was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. and with all the shitting and wiping my poor asshole was just absolutely raw and bleeding and it hurt so bad.
The night before my colonoscopy they gave me a barium enema. It’s like 2 in the morning and I’m just sobbing bc my asshole hurts so bad. My mom, who was about to use some Vaseline to take off her eye makeup, comes out of the bathroom and hands me the tube and says to put that on it.
So I get a big glob and stick it right on the old browneye. And suddenly it’s very cold. And then it starts burning. Like the fires of 1000 suns. So i start screaming OMG MY ASS! MY ASS! And about that time my mom comes out of the bathroom screaming MY EYES!! And we are both just running around the room screaming and crying when the nurses come in…
It was mint toothpaste. In a generic hospital tube.
(Turns out Ricky’s dumbass had gotten the honey from a hive inside the walls of an old house. They say honey is sterile…. but you still shouldn’t eat house honey bc of reasons I can’t remember. Something about rat shit.)
TL;DR- I shat myself silly for a week with diverticulitis then accidentally put mint toothpaste on my poor asshole instead of Vaseline.
CanadiansAreEvil: Oh my god my sides... Sorry OP butt that was great. Gotta ask? I have heard of weird hygiene practices, minty fresh buttholes are new.
Reddit-username_here:
>Sorry OP butt that was great. Gotta ask?
You never asked...
CanadiansAreEvil: Lol forgot to delete it
Reddit-username_here: WHAT WAS THE QUESTION‽
CanadiansAreEvil: WHATS IN THE BOX!?
| 6 | 3 | |
1655745606 | 1655776882 | t3_vgqoq2 | t5_2to41 | 19 | rebelwildheart: TIFU by not controlling my laughter.
I'm a chill person, I can manage my behavior under normal circumstances.
I was on my way home when this guy (late 20s or so) in front of me (we're sitting) seems to be so antsy, he's so restless: he would bounce his knees, cross and uncross his arms, he has a fidget toy in one hand so when he's bored he's busy doing that. Then eventually he scratched his head, pick on his ear. There's a lady (seems older than the guy) beside him, she's on her office work attire, her clothing is blue in color. She was busy with her phone too, watching something quietly. At some point, she gave the guy a side eye then she caught me do the same too. I really minded my own business but his movement was distracting I can't concentrate on what I read in my phone when he's constantly moving in my peripheral vision.
When I fixed my hair to put on some earphones I saw the guy pick on his nose then proceeds to wipe the booger on the lady's pants. The lady screamed and slapped the guy so hard I think I heard an echo. She called him a pervert and all. The guy kept apologizing and said it was an accident he thought it was his pants that he's wiping to.
The atmosphere got awkwardly quiet while the lady was fuming and bathing her leg with the sanitizer, I think I saw a darkish spot there from the booger idk. I saw some people standing fake coughing to hide the laughter or turning their back on them. I put on my mask to cover my giggles. You see when I try to control my laughter, my throat burns and it hurts like hell. My biggest regret is recalling that 10 second scene I witness because that was the time I let out my laughter. The guy seems really genuine with his apology and his face was so innocent that it added to my amusement, he was clueless while picking on his nose then accidentally wiping it to her. The lady snapped back at me and threaten to call the cops for harassment so I went to the other side of the train after I apologized to her.
It was so unusual and bizarre it rarely happens to my uneventful life.
TLDR: I laughed when the guy accidentally wipe his booger on the lady's pants beside him.
JingleTao: Seriously? I would’ve stayed and mocked her. Who threatens to call the cops because they were laughed at, what a ridiculous woman
rebelwildheart: Well she already had boogers on her pants so I just understand where her anger came from. Lol.
JingleTao: I would’ve loved to have seen her report that. 911? There’s a guy, he laughed at me after another guy put a gross booger on my leg. Please hurry. I’m scared.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1655749319 | 1655753807 | t3_vgs43y | t5_2to41 | 14 | bigmilkbounce: TIFU by liking big boobs
[removed]
baaaaddds: Need to get off porn and into the real world. Everyone likes big yitties dude. Ditch the dating apps and go meet people ffs
jstrap0: You want him to only go for women with FFs? That is really narrowing his dating pool.
JimmiRustle: I’d say his dating pool is plenty wide!
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1655752337 | 1655779444 | t3_vgt9dn | t5_2to41 | 30 | ilovebusan: TIFU by accidently drugging the girl I like
throwaway account for obvious reasons, but she reads reddit often so it might just be pointless to try and hide this post.
This literally just happened and I am still a bit dazed and confused. Yesterday, June 19th I was celebrating my friends birthday, she had told me that her parents had left her alone on vacation, on her birthday, a few days prior turning 27, i believe they are still in vacation as of today. They still called her and sang happy birthday, but I felt sad because spending your birthday alone sucks. So, I invited her to hang out on weekend to celebrate it and that I had weed gummies if she wanted to try, because last week i had tried an absurd amount of gummies and i could not keep a conversation with her. So she suggested we try it together and that its better with company. She agreed and we settled on the 19th to meet up. I went to work that day, from 5am to about 1pm, drove home for 2 hours, she was supposed to arrive at 3pm but she was late because she took the wrong off-ramp. We go up to my room, to get my camera and show her my bedroom and my computer setup. Either way, we leave to the city, get some Tiger Sugar Boba, I've been telling her about this place for a long time and how it would change her mind, she tried it and she liked it a lot. We head on the to the main event which was a flower show happening, we drive to the location and make our way to the ticket entrance and pay for tickets. We walk around the flower show, take some pictures and enjoy our time, we go to the butterfly tent and try and capture one with a sugary wet Q tip, she is afraid of bugs, in general butterfly fit that criteria. Even though, she was wearing a shirt with roses on it, a butterfly necklace and a butterfly ring, i can't even. We then drove to the arcade which we were going to play some claw machines gotcha games and then bowling. Tried the claw machines, didn't get anything but had fun, tried the mario kart games and the street fighter games, we get a text saying that our lane for bowling is up, so we make our way to the lane. I told her how i read a wikihow on how to bowl and how i improved from reading it. I gave her the best run down i could, the 4 step process and to keep her hand straight as she throws the ball. She told me that she would always be bad at bowling and that she would always get gutter balls. Needless to say, i think my advice helped, it was only 1 game, and the final score was 103 me and 84 her.
This is where the fuck up begins, we had to go eat dinner and she reminded me of the gummies, I take them out and I tell her to take 3, she said are you sure this is okay, I assured her it would be. She even said, okay I trust you. Previously I had tested the gummies and found them a bit lacking, so I thought 3 was fine. Each one has about 5mg of thc, so we each ate 15mg. I had never tried them out and about on the streets, I've only ever tried them in my room or in someone else's room. This is where i didn't realized how much different is is to try them out and about, i am by no means an avid weed user, maybe 1 a year? and only gummies. While on the way to dinner, because the night was coming to an end and we were supposed to go to a park and chill. None of this happened, we got to the food place, ordered our food and after some time, maybe 10 minutes she asks me, "hey how long do these gummies last", I said the label says 2 to 3 hours...I was wrong, it took nearly the whole night and 5 hours into the morning to get better, she had to work at 8am but lived an hour away. She, and I were feeling the full effects of weed, mind you I am not an usual partaker of cannabis, so I didn't know what was normal and was wasn't amount to eat, she on the other hand went completely socially paralyzed. The food had just come out and not a few bites into the meal this happens. I start panicking because I fucked up, I gave her too many, we eventually agree to leave, but she can't walk, so I said I'll go get the car and she can stay. I felt horrible because I left a defenseless woman alone in a restaurant to get the car, I am freaking out as I run to get the car parked 7 blocks away. I run like there is no wind, no lights and no pedestrians, as if I was about to go yell that the British are coming, i did pay attention to crossroads and people. I eventually make it to the car, and then I start freaking out because I am high, so I tried to stay cool, i paid for parking and drive to the restaurant. When I get there, she is still there, Thank the heavens, and I go get her, she seemed really out of it, like she had just been drugged. I help her up and we get in the car. I get in the car, put my address on the GPS and start driving, she left her car parked at my house. After an hour of driving, we get home, I tried talking to her but she could barely respond. She did mention she was going to throw up, so I run inside and get some things, and after suggesting a few alternatives as to how she would get home, we settle on going to my room to chill so she could lay on my bed and try to weather the storm she had in her brain. I help her get out of the car, and to the house we go, right before opening the door she plops herself on the floor and starts throwing up, I freak out for a second because it was red? RED?? …. fuck, is she dying????? She wasn't, I remembered she ate spicy meat soup, the soup was very red from the red pepper powder they add. I run inside get some napkins and clear the mess with some water. I help her to my room, she lays on the bed, which is a queen bed so pretty small. I tell her to tuck herself in, because at this point all I am thinking is be nice and to help her. I offer her water, she goes in and out. I wanting to make sure she doesn't freak out, stay nearby at my computer just browsing reddit and such. I eventuality get sleepy, and make my bed on top of my yoga mat, not the greatest of beds but it will do. I set up the alarm for 5am, she wakes up a few times goes to the bathroom but overall she slept it through. It's 5am I am sleep, I don't hear the alarm but she does, and wakes up. She gets her things, I escort her to my front lawn, where we awkwardly say goodbye and that I was sorry, I had already apologized several times throughout the night. She gets into her car, chills there for a few minutes and she starts driving.
TLDR: was celebrating my friends birthday, whom I like, and gave her too many edible gummies right before going to dinner, which left her socially paralyzed. Unable to walk, think or talk and ends up sleeping in my bed until 5am the next day.
MonstahButtonz: The fact 15mg can do this to some people is so incredible to me. I had a similar experience with overdosing concentrates, but I took 100mg. 20mg I barely felt as a newer user.
If/when this situation is discussed with her again, just continue to apologize and say how worried you were about her and how you totally fucked up and definitely won't be trying edibles again.
fireguy0306: This is me. Half a 25mg messes me up. A full gummy is a “and I’m stuck here now” experience.
Now I do not take them often at all but still. Yeah I get my monies worth.
| 3 | 10 | |
1655752256 | 1655769749 | t3_vgt8da | t5_2to41 | 122 | rasenshirukenn: TIFU by accidentally walking into a strangers house
So my sibling recently moved in with their SO and was having some friends and family over for a small house warming. I had helped them move some of their stuff in before so it was not the first time I've been to their house. For context they live in a small neighborhood with a bunch of identical small duplexes beside each other. Anyway, there were a few things left to bring over to there house so I parked my car in front of their place unloaded the stuff and a few extra chairs since we were a lot of people. I went in and out of the house a few times to bring everything in. Then, I had to go park my car further down the street since there wasn't anymore space around the house. So, I walk back to the house and, confidently, open the door and walk in on a dad changing his child's diaper in the living room and I stand there for a good second while my brain processes that this is not in fact the right house all while I have direct eye contact with the man as he let's go a shook "OH", and I proceed to apologize as a close the door and run down the street in confusion.
TL;DR: I walked into my sibling's neighbor's house by accident as he was changing his child's diaper.
GiuseppeScarpa: You could have been second-amendmented
rasenshirukenn: Fortunately, this was not in the US
sld126: Much safer then.
| 4 | 30.5 | |
1655752803 | 1655840929 | t3_vgtfns | t5_2to41 | 171 | throwaway17485937: TIFU My Dad saw my internet search history on his computer on his computer because I never signed off
TIFU, this happened about ten minutes ago, and I am shamefully typing this from my room.
I left a time bomb on my parents' computer. When I was visiting home during Christmas, my mom needed help with sending Emails for one of her clubs, so I signed into my google account
I just finished the first year of a masters program, and I decided to come home for the summer because it will probably be the last time I can spend an extended time with my parents. Well, my body is still pretty messed up from the time change and it was late so I decided why not get some videos going and rub one out. Take my time, open a lot of tabs, and enjoy myself a little. I clean up and go to sleep blissfully unaware of what could explode in my face.
I’m sitting with my mom eating my lunch, and my dad is like what have you been doing on the computer. I tell him I haven’t been on it. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize my Google account was signed in on their computer too. So the history from my computer went to his. He didn’t want to type in a website and was going through the history to find it. I'm thinking to myself fuck, and my parents are totally tech unaware, so I'm just like I don't know what happened. He is reading it aloud to me and tells me porn is a disease and I won't like sex with women. I have been watching some of the Japanese jav videos recently (high-quality stuff). Good thing he didn’t see the worse stuff I watch lol. I might have died hearing him read it aloud to me. I’m 25 too, so I feel a little ridiculous for being caught by my parents, but I managed to hold off this lecture until now so I guess I did pretty good? My shame is palpable. I don't know what I'm going to do for the next two months.
​
TL;DR I came home for the summer and on the second day, my dad saw my internet search history. Had a talk about the disease of porn and now I'm hiding in my room.
redbucket75: At least you didn't see your dad's search history
The-Solid-Smoker: Straight facts.
Shit is gonna be an uncomfortable talk one day when they are an adult and I'm hoping my heart gives out before I have to have any talk about that.
redbucket75: Don't worry. They will NEVER want to talk about it.
The-Solid-Smoker: Makes two of us then.
Already dreading puberty.
BallisticDiamond: As someone who’s seen my fathers search history, I don’t recommend looking but if you do, do them a favour and clear the search history for them.
The-Solid-Smoker: Oh I am my father's search history in a sense.
I'm a father now myself though so the subject of sex, dating and puberty is uncomfortable by itself.
See, I'm trying to remain vigilant and ensure I don't make the same mistake that your father made. Nobody talks about that shit at the stay and plays, lemme tell ya.
BallisticDiamond: Oh I never brought it up to him or anything just was using his iPad for something a few years back and was searching something in safari and an xvideo link was auto filled so I made sure to go to his history and remove all the traces of that so no one else would see it if they were using it. I agree it’s a very weird subject to deal with but I think that most guys handle it pretty and just never bring it up if you stumble upon something you didn’t mean to see.
The-Solid-Smoker: Guys do. I'm not so lucky there.
At the end of the day I hope it just never gets brought up if it ever gets seen. It works both ways for me. If I see...whatever, then I'm not gonna say shit unless it's something they *want* to discuss something.
I dunno. It's hard dealing with topics like this period, I just know computers should violently explode Mission Impossible style upon a voice command.
How do we not have that yet?
| 9 | 19 | |
1655754675 | 1655761436 | t3_vgu4pv | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by having sex in the mall parking lot
[deleted]
chuckycastle: TYFU by posting a story about underage sex
Adorable-Schedule-99: Is a one year difference really that awful?
nosnevenaes: Not the point. Its a legal issue.
Adorable-Schedule-99: I'm sorry. I'll delete the post then.
ohv_: You did nothing wrong. Most states have a 3yr gap thing and having consent is key. However public stuff can get you into trouble.
| 6 | 1.333333 | |
1655755732 | 1655760325 | t3_vguiqk | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: Tifu by wearing shorts on dinner with my family
[deleted]
Dangerous_Ad7501: Could she see your vagina or underwear? That might be what she was trying to tell you?
Lamagirll: Nooo they’re not that wide lmao,and I even pulled them lower
Dangerous_Ad7501: Go get you some more food and fuck what your mom thinks... I say it all the time and I’ll say it again, girls are evil.
| 4 | 3.75 | |
1655756894 | 1655766922 | t3_vguyar | t5_2to41 | -1 | cantkeepshe: TIFU by making a new account to message this girl
I made a post a while back about how I sent a Snapchat to this girl I met online and she blocked me for being a creep. I talked about how I was going to end up messaging her on a new account because I was upset that she rejected me. I actually feel bad and like a creep because I just made a new Snapchat to message her. She hasn’t replied yet and she might not reply but I couldn’t resist trying to contact her again.
I just felt like I couldn’t find any closure. She blocked me so quickly. I’ve never had a girl be so creeped out by me like she was. Maybe I just feel offended. I don’t know but I’m afraid that I’m not going to leave her alone. If this escalates I might do something bad and end up in jail.
Fuck. I’m fucked up. I don’t even know how I would tell a therapist about this because they’ll probably think I’m a danger to someone. I might be and I want to prevent that. I don’t even know what kind of reply I’m expecting to get from her.
Tl;dr I made a new account to contact this girl
mjkjg2: I’ve had girls block me, I message them on a second account, and then they unblock me
I don’t recommend this though- if she blocks you just forget about her, plenty of other girls out there
igraywolf: A broken clock is right two times a day. If someone blocks you, leave them alone.
mjkjg2: I think you missed the second part of my comment
igraywolf: Then you should delete the first part; because that’s the part people are downvoting you for.
mjkjg2: it’s literally just a factual thing that’s happened, if they choose to downvote reality that’s their prerogative
igraywolf: It’s not relevant that your broken clock told the time correctly. It’s still a broken clock.
mjkjg2: it’s relevant because it could happen in theory, girls can change their minds just like everyone else
igraywolf: You should not suggest that is viable for this person; even if you try to cover it up Afterward.
| 9 | -0.111111 | |
1655757154 | 1655811550 | t3_vgv1zx | t5_2to41 | 1,295 | GueroInfernal: TIFU by not using the restroom for a week
This happened around 15 years ago, but man I tell this story all the time and it kills. I want you to know it is 100% true. You'll have to take my word for that. I am not a very good writer so hopefully it comes across well enough.
I was a 15 year old boy with my first "real" gf. She took my virginity and was first sleepover, and first trip with a gf.
Anyway we go on a week-long trip to a beach that isn't too far away. We get to their condo, and omg I have to poop already. It being my first trip with a gf and me being a nervous pooper already, I decide I'll wait till everyone is sleeping and try it out then.
We end up watching a movie, and falling asleep in her bed. Proceed to spend the next 6 days trying so hard for an opportunity to poop and just failing miserably every time. I'm too nervous to say something, and just own it. I'm scared to use it and clog the toilet, and I'm scared that someone will hear or smell me painting on that porcelain canvas.
This whole time we aren't eating anything healthy at all. Just completely wrecking our insides for a week. Finally we are on day 7. The day before we leave. We pack up and have a Chilli dip for dinner. Meat chili, cheddar cheese, and cream cheese eaten on tortilla chips. As you can imagine it wrecked my already weak and fragile insides. I've been dragging all day with a week's worth of food just working it's way down my bowels. I can hardly breathe, the cramps are just unbearable, and I have to pretend that I'm totally fine cause how am I gonna explain that I've held in my poop this whole trip cause I'm a nervous pooper?
The night finally comes, I'm laying in bed, doubled over, praying to whatever God will hear me that I can last the entire next day and just completely destroy the toilet at home. My sweet sanctuary. My comfort. Halfway through my prayers I hear my gf snoring, I quiet my sobs and listen for her dad. Also snoring, Sneak over and check their bedroom, her parents are both sleeping!
Oh my god I'm saved! My moment has come where I can finally purge myself from these demons that haunt me. So I sneak over to the toilet and gently lower myself down on that beautiful throne of salvation. My ass has barely touched the seat before a whirlwind with the force of two jet turbines is unleashed from my rear. I'm quite literally holding on to the sides of the toilet and trying to keep my composure for the duration of the ride. I have absolutely zero control at this point. I just opened pandoras box and am at its mercy. It is so so loud and the smell, oh my god the smell. I'm gagging while this full force torrent of a brown typhoon is coming out of me.
Finally after what had to have been 25 minutes it's over. I relax my body and my stomach feels like a deflated balloon. My organs resumed their regular positions and I can do nothing but relax on the toilet for a moment. Not 30 seconds of peace, and someone knocks on the door!
"Gueroinfernal are you okay in there?"
Oh my god it's her dad!
"Sounded like the exorcist in there haha"
Lord just take me now.
I flush, wash my hands and come out to try to laugh it off mortified and hoping he didn't hear the entire display. He then proceeds to walk past me and into the bathroom, when I hear splashing, I look down and the entire floor of the bathroom is covered in brown water. It is flowing out of the clogged toilet at ungodly speeds. Her dad just stepped in it with his bare feet. He looks at me and says just says "uh oh".
We spend the next 2 hours trying to clean the flooding poop water. Mop bucket after mop bucket of the most disguisting things I've ever seen. Everyone wakes up and ends up having to help. So now the whole family has not only found out I pooped, but has had to help me clean up my poop water that's flooding their house.
It was a very awkward and quiet ride back and my gf broke up with me over text as soon as I got back home. My worst dream had come true. All because I held my poop in for way longer than I should have. I haven't been a nervous pooper since, so at least something positive came out of it.
TL;DR: went on vacation with gf. Didn't poop the entire week due to nerves. Flooded the bathroom with poop water on our last night there and end the trip single and humiliated.
ajsawesomeanimals: If she was willing to leave you over literal shit, this relationship had zero chance of lasting.
Bmarticus: They were 15, so it wouldn't be too far fetched to break up over some dumb shit like this
LadyStrange23: Can confirm, I got dumped because a kid in my class threw a cherry seed at my bf.
AshDargon: Is that supposed to be a euphamism or literally he got bonked with a small object and decided to break up
LadyStrange23: I was eating some cherries at my desk and had the seeds on a paper towel. Kid next to me grabbed one and pitched it across the room, smacking the guy on the back of the neck. He turned around, looked at me, and said “I don’t want to go out with you anymore.” 🤣 Obviously sixth grade me was crushed, but I find it hilarious now.
AshDargon: Thats one hell of a sabotage
| 7 | 185 | |
1655759893 | 1655838937 | t3_vgw3ws | t5_2to41 | 46 | Scottche: TIFU by giving a junkie a ride to the trap house when I should know better as I am a recovering addict
I am a recovering heroin addict with 4 years clean, I am on the methadone program now, google it if you are unaware and if you are count yourself lucky. I arrive at the clinic and see a man in a relative state of dishabille going car to car and speaking to the drivers. I erroneously assumed he was begging for money but when he got to my car he simply asked for a ride, having once been without a car and still needing to get to the clinic every day I sympathized and said I would oblige him. We jovially chat en route and it’s immediately obvious to me that he is high on meth and looking to pick up some dark, a colloquialism for purchasing heroin, I tell him I’m not about to be his dope Chauffeur and he assures me that isn’t the case. After about 10 mins of driving we pull up to what any junkie can tell is a god damn trap, another colloquialism for a house of ill repute where drugs are sold and used, and I give him a concerned look. He says “this is my moms house I just gotta grab something I’ll be 5 mins.” I reply in a stentorian manner that I know what he’s doing and I don’t care just know I’m leaving in 5, he says fine and goes in. 10 mins pass and I’m about to leave when I realize his bike is in my truck bed, now normal junkie procedure dictates that you never ever go into a trap if you aren’t buying and don’t know people but I don’t give a shit so I barge in and he’s nodded on the couch. I start yelling at him and his plug, or dealer, flips out and pulls a piece on me. I calmly explain the situation and he actually understands and proceeds to berate the other guy with me. He said and I quote “I thought you were another god damn family member of my customers trying to talk shit, I’ve had to fuck a few daddies up before.” That’s my cue so I leave. Saw dude a few weeks later at the clinic and he said his plug won’t deal to him anymore. And I still have his bike.
TLDR don’t give junkies rides to the trap you will get guns pulled on you and your time wasted
GinosMommy: I am... I will have 5 years in November... Im on Suboxone thou...
Scottche: Awesome I’m so happy for you! I almost wish I had chosen suboxone instead of methadone
GinosMommy: Thank you so much!!! Yea, the 1st thing my doctor said to me is don't go methadone so he made my choice pretty easy...
Scottche: Your doctor was a true gentleman because methadone is the most predatory program, their business model is to encourage patients onto as high a dose as they can and create lifetime customers, they never front you, and they don’t respect you or your time. Does that sound familiar? Almost like your old dealer?
GinosMommy: Is there a way that you could switch to Suboxone?
Scottche: What’s a WA?
GinosMommy: Sorry I posted the comment before I had finished it
Scottche: I could but that would require me detoxing off methadone and waiting till I was past full withdrawal before I could start and I just don’t want to do that
GinosMommy: Hell I don't blame you for that... I hope to come off the subs in the next couple of years...
| 10 | 4.6 | |
1655761562 | 1655797482 | t3_vgwqt9 | t5_2to41 | 21,357 | Square_Wall_5768: TIFU by having sex with my wife
So I've been married for a month now. My wife and I abstained for personal reasons until we married. Sex has been great. Learning what your partner likes while they learn what you like is special.
Anyway, today was a horrible day at work. So my wife, knowing how bad the day was due to me texting her all day, goes into super wife mode and starts to send me some very steamy messages in preparation for some "late day fun". I head home to decompress a bit before our fun.
This next part, I take full blame for.
So she tells me she will be home shortly after about an hour of being home myself. I decide to grab a bite to eat because I skipped lunch earlier. I made a sandwich with some flamin hot cheetos puffs. She walks in after I had just finished my chips. And we immediately start to go at it!! My stress relief is giving her oral. So I went down on her and not very long after that did she start to tell me something was uncomfortable and felt like it was burning. I was so caught up in the moment, I didn't even thing about the hot chips I had just eaten. Apparently it's bad to do oral on your wife after eating hot things... needless to say the evening is delayed. But we are laughing about it now!
TL;DR Gave wife oral after eating hot chips. Ruined our night of sexy fun time.
NOT000: related tip: if u like to baby powder your package, dont hump thine wife without showering it all off first
Square_Wall_5768: Asking for a friend.... why not?
Hadespuppy: The cornstarch in the baby powder is a great way to give your partner a yeast infection.
gertalives: As a microbiologist, I'm deeply skeptical of this claim. Cornstarch doesn't really provide anything that I would see enhancing Candida growth, and baby powder would tend to reduce moisture, providing a less hospitable environment for the yeast. That's not to say that baby powder is a good idea, but I don't see any evidence for the claim that it promotes yeast infection apart from unsubstantiated claims online, and [this clinical trial](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/6387672/) also indicates cornstarch doesn't promote Candida growth.
Lizuzuzuzu: Cornstarch itself isn’t the issue, as such. It doesn’t cause the issues alone, but it affects things which then can lead to issues occurring. Baby powder is not meant for internal areas. The vagina is sensitive and it’s PH balance can easily be disrupted by substances going there that shouldn’t be there. The disrupted balance can then lead to infections occurring. Also.. you definitely don’t want to dry out a vagina… It’s not that weird, if you think about it.
creepycalelbl: I use deodorant under my balls and my ex wife used to have constant yeast infections. Explains a lot.
Ridingthegiantotter: Wait a second. Why deodorant under the balls? Anti persperant? Pleasant smell?
Isn't the scrotum skin super duper sensitive?
Joe_The_Eskimo1337: Probably keep it from sweating too much.
>Isn't the scrotum skin super duper sensitive?
The testicles are what's super sensitive, the skin itself isn't too bad. I don't think deodorant would bother it all that much.
Layne205: If you believe that, put some rubbing alcohol on them and report back with your findings.
Joe_The_Eskimo1337: Well I just put a bit of deodorant on it to test and didn't feel much of anything.
I'm not saying the skins just like every other bit of skin. It's definitely more sensitive.
MurderSeal: Trust me... It depends on what you use... Roll on stuff is fine for me but I get an aerosol down there and I'm curling into a ball for 30m
Could be different for everyone but by God I'm not testing again to confirm.
CHAINSMOKERMAGIC: Protip: Next time try some icy hot or tiger balm to relieve the pain.
APsWhoopinRoom: Easy there, Satan
CHAINSMOKERMAGIC: 
| 15 | 1,423.8 | |
1655761779 | 1655828596 | t3_vgwtnf | t5_2to41 | 122 | ilovemywife29183: TIFU by making my son cry at his birthday party
My son had his third birthday party today. He had been asking for anything and everything Animal Crossing related, so me and my wife thought it would be a good idea to buy him a cake with his favorite character on it. The cake looked wonderful, and his favorite character (Isabelle) was standing atop. It was very well made. The bakery told us it was molding chocolate, so it was edible.
My son adored his cake and spent a full ten minutes 'talking' to chocolate Isabelle before the guests arrived. Soon enough everyone arrived and the party started. After dinner, we sang happy birthday. My son blew out his candles and I got a knife out to cut the cake. His eyes widen and he freaked out, screaming "Papa, no! Don't cut Isabelle!" My wife looked at me and mouthed that she'll go calm him down. I nodded. They left the room and I cut the cake for the rest of the guests.
Understandable, right? I'm sure after my wife explains what happens to cake he'll be okay. Yeah no. I was curious to try the molding chocate Isabelle so I removed her from the cake and placed her on a cutting board. (The Isabelle was larger than most think). I cut off her little legs and use my fork to bring the chocolate to my lips. And that's when I heard the scream of my son.
"PAPA! WHY ARE YOU EATING ISABELLE?!"
Then I realized I fucked up. My son thought the chocolate Isabelle was living and breathing. My son walked in on his father cutting and eating his favorite character that he thought was alive. My son broke down into tears and held the legless Isabelle in his hands while sobbing his heart out at the dining table. He received a plush Isabelle from his auntie and now he refuses to let me touch her, saying "Papa's gonna eat her again!" So yeah, I'm officially banned from being near his Animal Crossing collection in fear of me eating their legs.
TLDR: I made my son cry because I ate molding chocolate in the shape of my sons favorite character at his birthday party in front of him and now I'm not allowed to go near his plushies from the same franchise.
AcademicInspector944: Here we see another parent hooking their young child on technology.
Hudson_the_meme: I don't like u
AcademicInspector944: Something tells me you give your kids iPads before they can wipe their own asses
SpaceTimeBurrito: Something tells me you're an angry 14 year old that grew up with technology and likes to exude superiority over peers, using technology. Why don't you dust off the old pigskin and go play outside for a while if you hate electronics so much? lol
terribleandtrue: “What’s a pigskin?” Is most definitely what that 14 year old is thinking.
SpaceTimeBurrito: I know what he PROBABLY thinks it is and is probably wondering why I told him to toss it around outside of all places LOL
terribleandtrue: Haha I got a good laugh out of that, thanks!
| 8 | 15.25 | |
1655763051 | 1655763535 | t3_vgxaxs | t5_2to41 | 11 | thatonegenzer: Tifu by taking a drink out of a straw
I get really thirsty at night to I always make sure to have water by my bed. I like using cups with straws because it takes little effort when I’m half asleep.
I’m currently moving so I don’t have a mattress in my room anymore and I decided to sleep on the couch because it’s more comfortable than the floor. I took one of my water cups with me and filled it up before bed, then set it on the floor next to the couch. I drank maybe a third before I went to sleep.
Once I woke up enough to get off the couch, I took a sip of water from my cup because I was really thirsty. I didn’t swallow because it felt really weird in my mouth so I walked (rather slowly) over to the sink and spit the water out. At first I didn’t see anything but towards the end there was a giant wet spider sitting in the water pile. It was a darkish brown and kind of chunky. Then it started crawling towards me and I freaked out. I frantically scrubbed my mouth with a paper towel and was so scared that it might have bit me.
It was horrible and disgusting and there’s still a spider leg in my straw. I never want to drink from a straw ever again and I have to look down them each time to make sure.
Tldr: I didn’t look before taking a sip of water and ended up with a big spider in my mouth.
Lysdexiic: Welp, you just convinced me to never use a straw again either. I already didn't like drinking out of cans for similar reasons, but this is a whole new fear
thatonegenzer: I also don’t like drinking out of cans for similar reasons, I should have known
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1655762500 | 1655767666 | t3_vgx3hp | t5_2to41 | 17 | IUseRedditForNews: TIFU while making an exhaust for a customer.
Today at around 10:30 I was working on a Chevy SS pickup that was getting a new exhaust due to rust, so might as well get an upgrade! The upgrade did need some custom fab work done to make it fit right, and all the piping that we kept on was still in good shape.
The plan was to cut off the piping that was rusted, the new headers needed were already installed by this point. We then replace the missing pipe with new stuff, and luckily we could reuse the last half of the midpipe. While cutting off the midpipe, my boss held the long half to make sure it didn't fall on me while I cut at the other side of the hanger. The issue was that we didn't consider that we were pushing up on the exhaust so once I had finally cut through, the short part I just cut off sprung back into place with my wrist in the way. I instantly knew something was wrong and threw my hand down away from me, my glove was splayed open and all I could see was dark red blood pouring from my wrist and onto the shop floor. I looked at my boss and jokingly said, "Oh man, that cut me good." He ran for the medkit in the office and got me some fresh gauze. There was so much blood I couldn't see the wound, which was probably for the best. Before I knew it, the shop assistant was hauling ass to get me to the hospital. A good 20 minute wait in the emergency room lobby and the pain finally starts to sting, and that's when they called me in. The doctor got some metal and rust out of the wound and I was promptly updated on my tetanus shot. 3 stitches later and I'm home for the day. And from now I'm always wearing thick thick gloves when cutting metal.
Tl;Dr: I was cutting an exhaust when it sprang back into place and cut the top of my wrist deeply, it was a straight cut luckily and I got 3 stitches.
For those of you morbidly curious, I don't have a picture yet but the one I got the wound was cleaned, but also on my coworkers phone. I will update once I have it: [Don't say I didn't warn ya](https://imgur.com/a/Csq4YVK)
prefactor: Woof! I've done something similar... Glad you're ok! Also, Pic wasn't too bad... I mean, it must have sucked haha. Have a beer and rest up!
IUseRedditForNews: I guess I just hate looking at stuff like this haha This sucker was deep! Lol thanks I'm definitely just gonna chill
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1655765454 | 1655767366 | t3_vgy61q | t5_2to41 | 27 | snazarella: TIFU by selling our old bed at least a month before the new one arrives
TIFU by trying to be proactive. We bought a new bed frame a couple of months ago and it is supposed to arrive in July. I'm excited for it and really looking forward to the new look.
I know that selling stuff can take a while so I got all proactive and listed our current bedroom set for sale yesterday. I'm used to the usual back of forth with choosing beggars and other assorted aggravating folks wasting my time.
Well apparently I was asking a very reasonable price (read, obviously way too low) as I had more than 10 people messaging me and wanting to buy it in the first few hours after I posted it. Sure enough someone came last night to see it, paid me a deposit and took the nightstands with him. He just messaged me to say he's in a rental truck on his way to pick up the rest of the set. It is just my luck that THIS time the buyer has his poop in a group!
So I guess we will be sleeping on the floor for the next month or so…
TL:DR sold our current bedroom set for a bargain basement price and will now be sleeping on the floor for at least a month until the new one arrives.
Fit_Ad_7681: Air mattresses aren't too expensive and come in a variety of sizes. I find it to be a useful thing to have in general too. Better than the floor.
snazarella: We do have our mattress, it is more that we are more *cough* "seasoned" and a mattress on the floor is a long way down and then back up again for these old knees 😂
Fit_Ad_7681: Ah, I gotcha. I misunderstood what you meant. Do you have a furniture rental store nearby that you could rent a basic frame to keep the mattress elevated for a month?
snazarella: Now THAT might work! Thanks!
Fit_Ad_7681: Not a problem. I'd think just a simple metal frame would be plenty for now.
snazarella: That's a good point. We would just need to support the mattress as the new frame has those rails underneath instead of a box spring, so we sold the box springs with the set.
| 7 | 3.857143 | |
1655765445 | 1655767654 | t3_vgy5xk | t5_2to41 | 10 | lastcrazygirlz: TIFU by giving in to psychotic thoughts
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Rohans33: if you are thinking of harming yourself, please talk to someone. This is not a reason to end your life. There is so much more out there for you.
eaither way, you would benefit from speaking to someone about this, preferably a professional counselor or therapist. There is help. There is abundant life beyond this current obsession. Dont waste your opportunity.
foxyfoo: It’s great that you realize something is wrong with this obsession. The next step is to seek professional help. There are people out there who are trained to help people just like you. Please keep well and get help. Future you will thank you.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1655766598 | 1655767122 | t3_vgyky9 | t5_2to41 | 14 | Huntress-Blood: TIFU by buying a game I can't even play
I recently signed up for gamefly. My first disc came in the mail after four days, but this second game is taking a little bit longer. I was desperate to play anything (on my day off work) so I bought a cloud version Kingdom Hearts bundle on the Nintendo e-shop that cost me $40.00 dollars. Little did I know that I needed WIFI to actually play it! I live in a basement with no internet access and the only way I was able to get the game at all was using my mobile hot-spot. Said hot-spot didn't work to actually play the game so now I'm out of my hard earned money, for nothing. Nintendo doesn't do refunds on digital downloads (so I understand) and I don't want to return it anyway. I want to play the darn game. Oh well. Guess I'll play it when I move one day.
TL;DR
I bought a digital game not realizing I needed internet access to actually play it.
RelativeSituation773: should have gotten a playstation 2 with kingdom hearts 1
Huntress-Blood: If it was up to me I'd have consoles versus handheld but I just don't have the space. My Switch has to do for now.
RelativeSituation773: rip
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1655767598 | 1655840988 | t3_vgyxau | t5_2to41 | 7 | yimpo: TIFU by kissing my best friend
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grasp_br: "Cuddle him, just as bros"
Ill have to interrupt u there young man...
There is no such thing as "cuddle as bros"
OldResult1: These were my thoughts exactly. Your friend is of the gay, be there and support him on his journey getting to know himself and coming out when he is ready, its obviously very new to him.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1655768262 | 1655772519 | t3_vgz5le | t5_2to41 | 11 | alm1688: TIFU by not getting out of bed for four days
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SevenZee: Shit, I’m so sorry to hear about you going through all that D: I really hope you recover as fast and cleanly as possible!
alm1688: Thank you, they got me on some strong antibiotics to help prevent anymore staph infections, so here’s praying, I don’t have to reset the past year and a half and do it all over again! It’s called vancomycin and supposedly it’s strong enough it could destroy my veins, or something like that. It’s probably true, I was on it when I had the staph infection and now I’m an extremely hard stick now- the nurses claim I don’t bring my veins to the hospita/doctor’s office with me, lol
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1655770427 | 1655772336 | t3_vgzvni | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting turned on by my friend while she was traumatized and crying
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Drakorre: Tldr: You assaulted an assault victim. You're amongst the lowest of the low.
mjkjg2: the account is 15 minutes old, definitely a poor attempt at creative writing
Drakorre: Ah fuck, I should've caught that. Dammit.
mjkjg2: deleted🤣
| 5 | 3.2 | |
1655770977 | 1655870382 | t3_vh028m | t5_2to41 | 8 | Debleckpenta: TIFU by getting groped
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chamberofcoal: Yeah bro, never moving if you're going to hit someone - super valid practice. I'm kidding. Grow up. You, the other person, or both bother people can act like a decent human in public. You're chosing to be the dick every time you run into someone.
Except wait, no, this is absolutely ridiculous - was this imagined based on your middle school hallway?
Debleckpenta: No, I'm choosing to not be walked over anymore. The sidewalk is meant to be shared, but I was tired of being bullied by cyclists and old ladies. Why is it so wrong if I stand up for myself? Up until now it was honestly empowering.
chamberofcoal: "I was tired of being bullied by cyclists and old ladies"
Do you hear yourself?
Debleckpenta: Yes, I do. Today I was at a crosswalk and stopped in the middle of the street when this skeevy looking junkie was barreling towards me. When I stopped walking they had to walk around me. It felt so good just to stand my ground. It's not them that are usually the troublemakers though. It's the elderly and cyclists they're a menace. I don't know why I'm being downvoted????
chamberofcoal: probably because you're narrating an anime or something. nobody cares about your imaginary fights.
Debleckpenta: Is this sort of thing common in anime? This is ridiculous, you say you don't care but have posted multiple times in my post so I dunno man.
| 7 | 1.142857 | |
1655772392 | 1655814461 | t3_vh0j5y | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU by Jogging in the morning and getting arrested.
[deleted]
SwankPony: I always start a new exercise routine with a daily 3-hour morning jog too
Holsous: Same, Usually after my 3 push-ups and 4 squats. I need to do 3 hours of cardio obviously.
| 3 | 5 | |
1655772737 | 1655786949 | t3_vh0n9a | t5_2to41 | 31 | sjs1244: TIFU by watching a kid’s movie with my kids.
This is f-up just happened little while ago. My husband has a couple friends over hanging out in the basement, so I decided to put a movie on for the kids (11 and 8) and I to watch. I figured I would go with a kid’s movie that I’ve somehow managed to never see before, Spy Kids. My kids are not usually impressed at all by older shows and movies, but I thought I’d try this one. Usually they groan, but they were actually interested and thought this one was fun and the spy gear was cool. Until they got to island and had the freaky disfigured agents on screen for more than a few seconds. My son flipped his lid said he’d never sleep again, and why did they have to be so lifelike? I tried to comfort him, reminded him it was just a movie not real. Told him they would change the agents back, it would have a happy ending. He ran off to another room. I let him be to calm down for a minute then got him, changed to a cartoon they both like, and gave him lots of cuddles. By bedtime he seemed ok. Hopefully he sleeps ok tonight. Totally did not think that Spy Kids would traumatize my 8 year old!
Update: 1st trip back down to tell us he can’t sleep. Gave a little snack and a drink. Reminded him that it’s just a movie and makeup. He said it might take him a couple years to get over this.
TLDR: watched Spy Kids, the weird characters freaked my kid out so much he ran out of the room. Calmed him down with cuddles and cartoons, hope he doesn’t have nightmares tonight.
toleratedsnails: Damn, if it’s any consolation spy kids scared me too as a kid but it was the thumb guys that did it for me. Not sure why just was deathly afraid of them and couldn’t sleep for a week.
joliver5: I just looked them up 🤣
They are somewhere between creepy and goofy memeformat
toleratedsnails: No clue why but they gave me nightmares lmao, not even that scary looking back but I was a weird kid tbh
| 4 | 7.75 | |
1655772987 | 1655773509 | t3_vh0q7s | t5_2to41 | 18 | miss-banana-bea: TIFU by using bandaids as a cover up.
For context, I got a sternum tattoo a little over a week ago and it’s still healing. The artist recommended not wearing a bra for the entire healing period to avoid irritation.
Anyway, this was yesterday. To have a little modesty while going out I decided to slap some bandaids on my ladies and run out the door as I was in a hurry. Before anyone asks, yes I did purchase some pasties but the quality of them wasn’t great (they were paper thin) and there were only 6 to the box so that was just a couple days worth. I forgot to buy more. I get home later just to realize that they were in fact waterproof bandaids with an ultra sticky power. They. Did. Not. Budge. I spent at least 20 min trying to pry them off and it just ended up pulling at my sensitive skin. I even tried to loosen them up with soap. Didn’t work. When I eventually got them off the skin under was torn and cut up. I had to poke holes in the bandaids with tweezers and ended up pinching myself. It still hurts. Never again.
TL;DR put bandaids on my chest instead of pasties and couldn’t get them off. Resulted in bleeding.
Creinium13: Let it heal correctly and then go back in for the touch up you’ll certainly need.
miss-banana-bea: The bandaids did not touch the ink! Just my regular skin haha
Creinium13: Oh. In that case, lesson learned.
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1655776185 | 1655833191 | t3_vh1rgm | t5_2to41 | 48 | Ok-Possession8533: TIFU by looking at swim shorts
I have been dating my girlfriend since our Freshman year of high school, and our relationship has been quite steady- I honestly don't really have any complaints. We are both openly bisexual and I have acknowledged that my attraction to men has always outweighed my attraction to women, but I have always thought I still liked both. Over the past few months I started realizing a common theme, however. I will frequently develop celebrity or fictional crushes on men, and I rarely, if ever, develop any for women. I kept my mouth shut and just figured I was horny or something, but yesterday, I was looking for swim shorts for my trip to the beach in a few weeks and saw a pair that had both a male and female model. I could not take my eyes off of the male model and kept observing how incredibly attractive he was. When I looked at the female model, the first thing I saw were the patterns on the shorts and how comfortable they looked. Suddenly my brain just kind of stopped working and I asked myself "why do I not find myself attracted to her?" My first reaction was "maybe she just isn't my type", so I started desperately searching through my camera roll and on google for women I found attractive- including my girlfriend.
But I just couldn't find any.
I sat in my chair for a good 20 minutes and just asked myself "am I gay?"
Out of panic, I texted my friend. The conversation went like this:
"I have a problem"
"everything okay?
"you know how I'm always joking about being too gay to be with my girlfriend?
...
I don't think it's a joke anymore"
"Yeah no shit lol"
For about 2 hours I kept trying to rationalize how I felt. I do \*like\* my girlfriend as a person, she's extremely funny, sweet, empathetic, and talented. But when I think about being with her versus a man, I don't feel the same way. I don't want to do the things I want to do with men with her.
Now I just feel stuck and unsure. This morning she texted me and I immediately felt so much guilt because I know that our whole relationship wasn't even romantic to me. I know I have to tell her eventually, but I'm just not sure how.
Anyways, I'm glad to get that off my chest.
TL;DR:
I am a guy who's in a relationship with a girl. Today I looked up swim shorts and boom, I was converted to gay.
Rover267: Man you telling me gay men are in relationships while I’m out here not getting any. Life sure is a bitch
NerdyDan: Odd take. Straight people are also in relationships but you’re not jealous about that?
Noidremained: I'm sure he's equally jealous of straight women who are in relationships with other women
| 4 | 12 | |
1655776046 | 1655777203 | t3_vh1pvn | t5_2to41 | 3 | Krispy_chicken1345: TIFU by using a water gun in school
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AndMarmaladeSkies: Reddit user agreement says you need to be 13
Krispy_chicken1345: Old story
Krispy_chicken1345: I say I’m 12 so the story sounds current
AndMarmaladeSkies: Yeah? So how did it end? Did she lose her job? Did it haunt your life?
Krispy_chicken1345: No but she payed for the water gun
| 6 | 0.5 | |
1655779684 | 1655813816 | t3_vh2vja | t5_2to41 | 7 | xXSkyyFoxXx: TIFU by unlocking the door while housesitting
I’m a dumbass. I haven’t breathed a word to this to anyone except reddit and my SIL, who is living with me.
I’m housesitting/petsitting for my best friend. its a 20min drive there and back, and its a damn good gig. 150 up front, more later, and they pay for gas. Absolute score! The only thing I needed to do was make sure all the animals were taken care of, don’t let them get eaten by coyotes, and lock the doors when I leave. And I fucked that up.
See, they have an electronic door lock where you input the password/hit the lock button and it locks/unlocks. I had thought that inputting the password both locks and unlocks the door(spoiler: it doesn’t). It had made a clicking noise and a green beep every time I had input the password, and I didn’t bother to check if it had actually locked, because if It HADN’T, I thought, it would have beeped red at me. This is not the case.
I had been literally unlocking the door every time I left the house for the last 5 days. The only reason I noticed now was because I had thought I left my waterbottle inside, and automatically went to open the door after I had ‘locked’ it. it popped open.
I did a quick scan and made sure nothing looked out of place or odd. the dogs were happy to see me, the inner doors were closed, lights were normal and all the ‘expensive bits’ like build sets, the car, the tvs, etc were still there. I’ll do another thorough one in the morning, but made sure to ACTUALLY lock it tonight.
What do I do now? I’m praying with every fiber of my being that everything is ok and I didn’t miss something, but I’m totally screwed if something is. I can’t tell them I left their house unlocked for 5 days because they’d never want to see my again.
TL;DR I didn’t actually lock my friend’s door for 5 days while housesitting. nothing looks out of place and I’m praying it stays that way.
I’m just glad I found out now rather than when they come home and open the door and find it unlocked.
EDIT: went back because I had a bad feeling and it was nagging me for an hour. got there around 10pm and it turns out one of the dogs had bitten through his leash, ate the bread for their chickens, shat on the hardwood, and tore up the trashcan. That was fun, but I did another sweep and can put my mind at ease knowing that my fuckup did not put the dogs in harms way or damage the house.
Anotherdude342: My door is always unlocked lol. I don't think I've ever locked it in Canada. Unless I go on vacation.
xXSkyyFoxXx: I leave my door unlocked too! We feel a little safer to do so just because we have a dog with a mean bark(and total softie). Since I leave it unlocked I obviously dont check to see, which I think lead me into not checking if I locked it after inputting the password 💀
Holsous: I would literally have my kidneys stolen within the hour if I left my door unlocked.
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1655780822 | 1655782419 | t3_vh38jx | t5_2to41 | 12 | deepthrowaway23: TIFU by telling my wife I wanted to spend time with here
Just happened today.
Almost a week ago now, my wife’s brother passed away. He meant a lot to her and I loved him like my own blood brother as well.
Well I was off work the first 2 days of his passing and with her at her families all day for both. Then I was scheduled to work the following 5 days unfortunately, all 12 hr shifts. So I’ve been going to her moms house everyday to see her and the family, and show my support.
Today after I got off, I went by again, and as I was leaving I expressed to my wife that I have no issues with her being with her family, I get it with everything going on. But I’d at least like to spend a few hours with her before his funeral just so I can give her that emotional support, and how I hoped she felt that same way. Unfortunately she didn’t feel the same way I did, and took offense to it and is currently upset at me, now I wish I never said anything to her about it.
TLDR: wife’s brother passed away, I’ve worked pretty much every day since while she’s spent time with her family. Expressed to my wife that I’d like to spend some time alone with her and she didn’t feel the same, now she’s upset with me
twohedwlf: Given what you've said that doesn't seem a rational reaction. But I expect there's a little more to it, and when someone dies, basically everyone turns into irrational crazy people mortally offended by the smallest things like someone taking the last piece of lettuce.
redbucket75: Get the fuck away from my lettuce
| 3 | 4 | |
1655780911 | 1655781984 | t3_vh39jm | t5_2to41 | 36 | PinatasandNachos: TIFU by not being blunt that I was taken
tl:Dr : I fucked up and made a guy at the bar think I was wish-washy by not being blunt
Today I (F26)went to the bar by myself. I have been in a committed relationship for over a year and half now. I was sitting by myself watching the Stanley cup finals when a guy asks to sit next to me. Judging purely off common sense he was about my age if not older. So we start chatting as normal people do. He asks what I do for a hobby and I tell him I'm a photographer. I pull up my Instagram where I have my photos posted and some of are of me and my SO.
This is where I fuck up. I was always told by guys that is it rude to immediately bring up a SO especially if not asked about it. So the guy comments on one of my pictures about my SO and I just say "oh yeah that's so and so my guyfreind." Keep in mind I'm trying not be rude and not bring relationships into what I thought was a normal conversation.
The guy keeps talking to me and we keep chatting and he brings up other hobbies and then I tell him that I rock climb. He asks why so and so doesn't take me and then I break the ice and just say "well in the past year and half I have been dating him, hes not into that". Now I'm pretty sure the guy 1. either thinks Im a liar or 2. thinks I'm unfaithful. Neither which is the case. I was just trying not to bring a relationship up if it didn't need bringing up. I should have just been blunt instead of trying to be polite about things and keep them simple
DickieGreenleaf84: Is "guyfriend" a word now, because if I was him, I'd be saying "well she said that instead of boyfriend, so clearly she is letting me know there isn't a relationship here".
PinatasandNachos: See but I was taught not to bring it up unecessarily. I don't think he was flirting with me at all. I don't know that just seems off putting
DickieGreenleaf84: What's offputting about telling people about your life and relationships? Saying "Oh, I have a boyfriend" as the first thing you say is pretty rude if you ask me, but I'd say it is even less respectable to pretend that guy in the photo is anything less than your partner.
PinatasandNachos: Well that's the thing..That's where I fucked up. I didn't know what to say. to bring it up felt unecessary considering the relaxed environment but to not felt cheap
DickieGreenleaf84: I just feel that if I was your boyfriend and you weren't happy telling people that, I'd be a little offended. Not a huge amount, mind you, but a little.
PinatasandNachos: I agree completely. I am not the brightest female alive and had no idea what to say. I was trying to avoid that all together just to have a normal conversation
| 7 | 5.142857 | |
1655784420 | 1655826463 | t3_vh4ci0 | t5_2to41 | 976 | cvab: TIFU by thinking the phrase "picture this" was a metaphor
(Disclaimer: this fuck up is less of a "today" thing and more of a "my entire life up 'til now" thing. Hooray!)
Obligatory first time poster comment. Sorry if this seems a little like I'm rambling, too--this has blown my fucking mind and I'm still sifting through the aftermath (which is, to say, I'm still having a small crisis after a dramatic shift in my worldview.)
Let's start with the relevant backstory.
I've always been described as a creative type. I've drawn since I could talk, and my art is usually based around tons of reference images and experimenting until something looks cool. All trial and error. From there, as a teen, I branched into writing--I've been told my descriptions are wonderful, and I pride myself on being able to weave together the most flowery words to describe the tone and feeling of a scene. I'm saying this so that you'll understand the fuck up, not to hype myself up, I promise.
Have I set the scene? Can you imagine it? Cool. Good. Moving on to the present.
Yesterday, my family had a small party for my younger sister's sixteenth birthday. We all got to talking, and the subject got around to how people process thoughts. I mentioned that I had always thought it was funny how many metaphors people used when talking about thought--"picture this", or "I can see it so clearly", or even focused around reading, like "books can take you to another world within your imagination". Hokey, exaggerated metaphors, right?
Wrong.
Finally, my brother asked if I can see mental images when he describes something to me (specifically, an apple). I tell him "no, no one actually can. You just have to take it at face value--okay, an apple, what next." He tells me, "no. Everyone can visualize an apple if they're asked. It's called thinking, dumbass."
I'm confused, so I ask for clarification.
We found out through further discussion, visualization tests, research, and long winded descriptions of abstract thought, that I have aphantasia.
What is aphantasia, you might ask? Well, I might have an answer.
Aphantasia is when someone isn't able to conjure up visuals in their mind. For example, if I ask you to describe someone you love without looking at them, what would you do? You'd visualize them in your mind, relying on that to tell me what they look like?
That still seems so bizarre to me.
My brain does it differently. I don't have visuals, nor can I even conceptualize what that would be like. My brain works more like a list of facts and observations (though not a visual one, of course!)--if I was asked to describe my brother, for example, I would remember that he has a beard, that his hair is dark red, that he wears hats a lot. I would remember his septum piercing because I'd remember the experience of when the first shop fucked it up, and how he had to go to another shop. All those facts and observations would line up, and I'd use them to fall back on, easy.
But if you asked me the shape of his face? His body type? His nose, his eyebrows? I've never gone out of my way to take note of those things, and so there's no way for me to ever remember them. I couldn't possibly describe something that I haven't taken note of on my own, because I don't have any mental visualizations to fall back on.
Apparently, because of my "creative" nature, everyone I know just thought that I was perfectly normal in my line of thought--they had no reason to question otherwise. I've always glossed over things like "now please, visualize this scene...", because I thought it was a dramatic metaphor. Turns out I've fucked up, because that isn't the case.
TL;DR Fucked up by thinking that phrases asking for mental visualization were just exaggerations & metaphors. Realized I actually have a condition that makes me incapable of creating mental images.
Everything makes sense now. Figures of speech, lines in books and movies, the concept of "daydreaming". What the hell?
Trouble_in_Mind: I KNEW IT
I saw the title alone and was like "Aaaah, aphantasia strikes again!"
I learned about it because RubberRoss on YT has it, despite being an amazing artist, and has explained it/mentioned it in videos before. Sorry it was such a surprise to you, but grats on getting a new fun fact to share about yourself!
I can't begin to fathom what it would be like to not see my Mom and Dad in my head when I think about them, or be unable to visualize an elephant or apple.
cvab: Lmao, well then you were onto it before me! I didn't know it even existed until recently, let alone that I had it.
And hey, thanks! That's what I'm trying to think of it as, a fun fact, rather than just a part of the human experience that I don't get to take part in, lol.
It's odd, because I can't fathom what it would be like TO be able to do that. Like...that almost sounds like a superpower to me!
Trouble_in_Mind: If it helps, too, not everyone can do it *well*. Mental visualization is on a scale, some of us picture things better than others. I have an easier time visualizing photos, for instance, because the subject is perfectly still and my brain categorized more details.
I'm much better at remembering sounds, smells and tastes honestly.
If it helps, think of it like...our brains took a screenshot of the item we're "seeing" in our head. Some screenshots are higher quality than others. *You* just have to pull the screenshots up irl...and probably have much better art references than us using our memories. XD
And when we think up totally new images, it's just drunk Photoshop LMAO.
Question: do you dream? Like, in a visual sense. Do you "see" things when you dream?
cvab: Ah, that makes sense!! And I briefly read about other senses working this way too, like you described--brings an ACTUAL meaning to the phrase "I can almost taste it", lol. Mind boggling.
I do dream! In fact, as I mentioned in another comment, my dreams are EXCEPTIONALLY vivid--my doctor guessed a while back that it may be hypnagogic hallucinations, but now I'm wondering if my dreams just seem vivid because I'm not used to having visualizations like that. Basically, after I wake up, I open a dream journal app and write down as much detail & plot as I can remember before my little mental list of events in the dream fades away. I CAN remember visually seeing images in my dreams, though...I just thought that was, y'know, a dream thing. 😅
Trouble_in_Mind: Brains are so crazy! Usually really inconvenient, but totally insane and way more versatile than we think.
My dreams aren't generally super vivid but when they are, it's usually because it's a continuing dream ... Like, I'll dream something and then later that week I'll "pick up" where that dream left off and continue further into that dream. It's weird AF lol
But with senses, yeah. If I concentrate on something spicy I might start (bit tmi) drooling, or my mouth will tingle and tense if I think about something super sour! And I remember exactly how fox grapes smell, and can kind of re-smell them by thinking about it hard enough. *Fox grapes smell amazing btw.*
It's not all stopping to smell the roses, though. If someone describes an injury, I might accidentally visualize what it looks like. Or if they say an animal was hurt, I might easily imagine the noise the poor animal made. Or I'll recall the smell of riding behind a fully loaded garbage truck in August...ew. Our "superpower" is a super weakness, too. \o/
cvab: Oh, that makes sense, I didn't think about that. A blessing and a curse, huh.
It sounds overwhelming. I get overstimulated a lot as it is because of my ADHD, I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like with those kinds of thoughts popping up every now and again too!! Though I guess, if it's something you live with your whole life, you'd learn how to navigate it to a degree. This is such interesting stuff!
Gernia: Yeah, when people discuss surgeries and other body wounds, I need to leave because i visualize it so well in my mind my body panics. Increased heartbeat, sweating and dizziness.
Two of my sisters are doctors, fml. Gotten used to eating alone.
cvab: Woah. Maybe this is why I'm so desensitized to horror. I can watch it alone in the dark, then just get up and carry on. No haunting images or anything, just the lingering feeling of a deep-seated fear.
| 9 | 108.444444 | |
1655787590 | 1655794251 | t3_vh59b5 | t5_2to41 | 4 | Smashuglygirl: TIFU by believing women
[removed]
Reefsmoke: People would be surprised how true this is in the US's legal system as well. I've been locked up with people who have been accused of rape without any evidence.
People have/are/will spend years locked up under false accusations of rape. Women who accuse men of rape, and never get a conviction should have to serve the sentence instead... it's only fair, right?
Imperatorn: And somehow I don't think there is much research to support the statement that many guys get falsely accused of rape. It might be worth thinking that someone who raped another person might be lying or might not be smart enough to understand that they raped someone.
Reefsmoke: Its important to keep our justice system in mind tho. Proof is absolutely necessary for guilt to be a thing.
People lose YEARS of their life, and only because they were accused of something... imagine if you will, you run into a crazy chick, and they are fucking everywhere. Next thing you know she has you thrown in jail over a made up scenario... you lose 5 years of your prime years to the justice system. Are you going to readily defend such a travesty after living it yourself?
Edit: I 100% believe chicks falsely accuse people of rape regularly... its beyond fucked up, and they need to burn. There needs to be a check in place to keep them from abusing the system
Imperatorn: And I believe 100% that guys lie about raping girls. But of course there is no excuse for false accusations.
But you are aware that in order to be sentenced to jail you have to go to court and you should be able to defend yourself from rape accusations quite easily if this is a "crazy chick".
And if you run into a crazy chick, don't sleep with her then. Another thing is why would a woman make false accusations? We don't see this in other crimes so why in rape cases?
Reefsmoke: >in order to be sentenced to jail you have to go to court and you should be able to defend yourself from rape accusations quite easily
You just told me you have absolutely NO FUCKING CLUE how the system works.
Let me let you in on some lesser known information... the people I was locked up with werent sentenced to jail at all. They were waiting to be tried, which can take a REALLY long time when the evidence is nonexistent, and an investigation it still open
| 6 | 0.666667 | |
1655788347 | 1655838968 | t3_vh5hcl | t5_2to41 | 187 | amanda9525: TIFU by having sex with my boyfriend
On the night of our first date, my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) had spent the whole day together talking and hanging out. It was easily the best date I had ever been on. We wrapped up our long conversation around 2 am. I offered him to stay over at my place for the night since I knew he would have had to drive an hour to get home, and it was already so late.
We went to my room to go to bed, and here’s where my fuck up occurs. Things began to escalate because tension was building all day, and we ended up having sex. We are both very experimental and love to try different positions. While attempting one of these said positions, the condom he was wearing got caught on the strings of my IUD because my gynecologist left them too long.
The pain that ensued from this small yank was so intense and painful that I immediately began to vomit. I ran to the bathroom and was heaving and crying (let it also be known that I have emetophobia, so every time I vomit I have a panic attack).
It was humiliating and embarassing and horrible. However, I knew that I had found a good one when he immediately followed me into the bathroom, held my hair back, rubbed my back, and sat on the bathroom floor with me for two hours googling what could have happened. Everything is okay now and we are still together, but damn in the moment I wanted to combust. We do have quite a funny first date story to tell people now though.
TL;DR: bf and I experimented too much in bed. it was painful, and I puked all over. all while on our first date
onehandedbraunlocker: Yikes! I've also hit those IUD-strings, but as a guy and it was painful as fuck for me, she didn't react though. Interesting how different experiences me and your bf got :)
RiotDemon: Depends on how old the IUD is. When it's first inserted, the strings are pretty stiff. Sometimes they cut them short to try and avoid being felt, however, the short strings are even stiffer sometimes and poke the head of the penis instead of laying alongside the vaginal canal.
ssgrantox: These things sound nightmarish and I'm surprised there aren't way more fuck ups. Are the strings even necessary for functional purposes or do they just make them easier to remove
RiotDemon: The strings are there so you can check occasionally to make sure the IUD is still in place, and also to help doctors with removal.
| 5 | 37.4 | |
1655787811 | 1655852545 | t3_vh5bxk | t5_2to41 | 53 | JingleTao: TIFU by being too lazy to close the bathroom door.
Obligatory this happened about 20 years ago when I was 15. Background info: I come from a very strict and conservative family. My parents never explained sex to me because they assumed I wouldn’t be having it possibly ever or until I got married, and at that point it wouldn’t be their job explaining anything anymore. No one walked around the house in anything but all their clothes and socks, changing and bathroom time (poos, showers, baths, even tooth brushing) was always behind closed doors.
I was going through puberty at the time (15f), and it was like my boobs blew up overnight. They’re much larger than what’s average for my race. (Chinese) I went from looking and feeling like an awkward boy to very uncomfortably endowed in what felt like one school year.
It was a new kind of awkward. I had to get used to wearing bras, changing in locker rooms in front of my classmates, etc. My upbringing made this extremely difficult, I was always ashamed to show my body, so I wore long sleeves and bulky clothes.
No one outside the locker room knew what the actual outline of my body looked like, not even my parents. I had to buy my own bras because I didn’t want them think I was some kind of freak because literally every woman on both sides of my family and extended family are boobless.
So I shared a bathroom with my parents. It was at the end of the hall opposite the staircase. As soon as you round the corner, it’s a beeline to the bathroom. Straight ahead. When the door is open, the tub and shower are in full view facing whoever goes upstairs.
I showered every day with the door closed, I’d never heard anyone walking around ever.
One day I F’d up by underestimating the consequences of making risky decisions. I only needed a super quick shower because I was tired and I couldn’t wait to go to bed. I already stepped in before I realized I didn’t close the door that leads to the hall. I also forgot to grab the towel hanging behind the door. I reaaaaally didn’t feel like getting out with soap in my eyes and getting water all over the floor just to nudge the door closed. 99.9% chance I’m alone upstairs.
I was sure everything was going to be alright, it was a quick 3 steps to the towel. I even waited in the shower and listened for footsteps. No footsteps. I peered through a tiny crack as I opened the shower door, and the lights in the hall and stairway were both off, it was dark. I wrongly assumed that a normal person would turn on the lights going upstairs at night.
So I make a break for the door towel, and I swear to god in those 3 cursed god damn seconds my dad comes plowing right around the corner out of the dark holding a newspaper and obviously a lot of poo, sprinting toward the bathroom, where I should have kept going, grab the towel and run out. Instead I freeze like a deer in headlights, naked and too appalled to move.
While he stomped closer and closer, he looks up and sees me. I’ve never seen such a shameful and shocked look on anyone before or since then. I made it worse by stammering “Oh dad! Uh…gotta poo huh? Uh…Uh….Uhhh…”. My dad turns right around, running away faster than ever. I even heard him miss the last step and then a crash and him scrambling to pick up all the newspapers. I’m telling you, he really should’ve turned on the lights. I ran to my room, and I didn’t come out until I absolutely had to pee the next day. I couldn’t even avoid him by going to school bc it was a long weekend, lucky me.
I think it really freaked him out because before that, he never considered me as anything but a little girl. He probably thought he had time before I turned into a full on woman overnight.
After that he forbade me from going to certain dances, outings with boys involved, cheerleading, and sports with uniforms that made me show too much skin, and for the rest of my junior high and high school education he interrogated any friend that wasn’t a girl. And this guy HATES conflict and avoids it at all costs, except when it came to this.
Neither of us ever mentioned it to my mom because why the fuck. But she’d raise her eyebrow every time my dad would get all crazy protective and ask him why, and he’d say “BECAUSE. LIN. (My dad’s nickname for her) LOOK at her. Look at how DEVELOPED your daughter is. How are you not worried??? Am I the only responsible parent??!! What are we going to do???!!!”
After 20 years, it’s finally funny.
Tl;dr- grew up ultra conservative, went through intense puberty at 15, didn’t close bathroom door during shower. Dad walks in and sees everything. Traumatized and worried, never lets boys near me ever again. (Until I moved out of state for college)
Quemmmm: I'm sorry but this is so funny.
JingleTao: Well it’s nice to have someone to laugh about it other than me so thank you
botamihai12: This is ur real name huh 😅
JingleTao: What? Jingle?
| 5 | 10.6 | |
1655792778 | 1655793083 | t3_vh6nr9 | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU By Getting Sxuly Touched By My Step Sister
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No_Consideration6513: Hangman time
S_ _ _ _ H_ _ _ A_ _ _ _ _ _
SailorMoonRaven: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
| 3 | 1 | |
1655791382 | 1655793225 | t3_vh6b29 | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU By staying up too late before gym
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Olaf_Is_Here: Moral of the story: sleep and stop lying on Reddit.
SailorMoonRaven: Yes indeed. I didn't actually get the cop car but yes the oldwoman saw me in my sheer boxers t.t
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1655793384 | 1655966105 | t3_vh6t8z | t5_2to41 | 19 | IndigoFell: TIFU By Not Wearing Water Shoes
This actually happened a few days ago, but the outcome is still inconveniencing me as I sit here feeling dumb. So what better to do than make a 2:35 A.M. post about it?
I took a vacation to the beautiful Island of Sanibel in Florida, preparing for a week of shelling, swimming, and seafood.
For this great occasion, I got a brand-new pair of high-durability water shoes. For those of you who don't know the function of water shoes, they're designed to give you a better foot grip when walking underwater as well as protect your feet from the aquatic dangers that lurk about. I figured stepping on shells (which Sanibel is known for) for the entire vacation would be uncomfortable. Oh, the irony...
I'd decided to go out shelling since it was low tide and the water would be shallower by a huge margin., which meant more shells. So I got geared up in my swimsuit and goggles and went out to the beach to have fun.
The aforementioned water shoes are now relevant, and by "relevant", I mean "Entirely forgotten about".
So there I was, picking my way through the sand and occasional bit of seaweed, when I step on something sharp that completely slices open my foot, unknown to me. I initially didn't actually react much to the sudden stab of pain. I calmly began to walk back towards shore. It was only when I noticed blood was mixing a bit too much for comfort with the water surrounding my foot that I began to worry.
When I reached the shore, I lifted my foot up. To my horror, I saw the most nasty cut that I'd ever gotten. I quickly limped straight back to my condo, cleaned the cut out *very* carefully once the bleeding slowed a bit, and made myself a makeshift cast out of damp paper towels. I quickly took a shower to remove the sand, threw on some clothes, and endured a rather painful trip to the nearest Urgent Care.
The staff there were very nice and patient, which comforted me a little. That comfort didn't last long, though, when I was informed that I'd be getting stitches.
\*Insert annoying stitches procedure that I refused to watch\*
The doctor who gave me the stitches told me I wasn't allowed to get them wet.
Doc: Those should be good for the 10 days your injury needs to heal. You'll be up and swimming in no time!
Me: ...Uh...I'm only vacationing here...heheh...
Doc:
​
TL;DR: I can't swim for the rest of my Florida vacation because I didn't wear my water shoes.
​
Edit: I'm home now. And to Spinnweben, your spray-on band-aid idea worked.
Spinnweben: Pause for three days and then try swimming with a water proof spray-on-bandaid.
IndigoFell: I actually figured out a solution today; waterproof tape from CVS combined with a waterproof band-aid and using the water shoes makes a stiff but waterproof cast.
I'll have to check out waterproof spray-on band-aids. Never heard that one.
Spinnweben: That's actually great!
I googled this for you:
[https://www.walmart.com/ip/New-Skin-Liquid-Bandage-Spray-Waterproof-Bandage-for-Scrapes-and-Minor-Cuts-1-fl-oz/319286996](https://www.walmart.com/ip/New-Skin-Liquid-Bandage-Spray-Waterproof-Bandage-for-Scrapes-and-Minor-Cuts-1-fl-oz/319286996)
Enjoy your vacation!
IndigoFell: Thanks a million for this! I'll pick this up if I can find a Walmart.
Spinnweben: I would expect every pharmacy should have at least a similar product in stock.
I have no idea if that stuff is strong enough for your wound, though.
Maybe don't throw away your DIY CVS cast.
Perhaps, use the spray as an addition.
Alle the best!
| 6 | 3.166667 | |
1655788643 | 1655950959 | t3_vh5ka7 | t5_2to41 | 81 | matikray03: TIFU by playing video games with someone younger than me
I didn’t really know where to post it because I don’t think I really did anything wrong, but oh well.
I have been playing video games with someone on Xbox for over a year now, I think he’s like 5 years younger than me or something, I don’t really know and don’t really care because he is a nice fella and is fun to play games with.
I turned 18 in November so I’m a legal adult now, but I still play some video games with this kid on occasion.
We hadn’t played much in the last 5-6 months just because I’ve had a lot of life happen, but come a few weeks back we started playing some no man’s sky it’s a good time and then I receive a message today.
“My parents don’t like me playing with you, they think you’re a pedo.”
I offered to just talk to them for a bit to make them more comfortable but I doubt they will take the offer.
It just sucks and I wanted to complain somewhere.
TLDR: I, as an 18 year old man, have been playing video games with a kid who is 13 I think. Also male.
I understand their concern, I just wish they would be open to talk to me so I’m not thought to be a creep.
Citadelvania: I feel bad for this kid. I can't imagine he has some kind of amazing social life if he's playing with you and now his parents are trying to cut him off from playing with you.
Dry_Organization_193: Some kids aren’t allowed to play outside cause it’s too “dangerous” then can’t even make online friends cause it’s too “dangerous” that sucks
dai-the-flu: I was that kid. That's why most of my friends now are people I met online.
TheRandomBoredPerson: Same. It sucked and now that I'm an adult, I see how sad my childhood was without friends
dai-the-flu: It makes me wonder what kind of person I could've been if I were able to socialize. It's really hard for me to talk to people irl and fuck, it's miserable.
| 6 | 13.5 | |
1655790122 | 1655833172 | t3_vh5z56 | t5_2to41 | 469 | LunaticBZ: TIFU By sitting in the wrong car.
Technically three days ago, but close enough.
While pre-caffeinated on my day off I stopped by my local gas station to get my morning energy drink and smokes.
I sit down in my car and notice the carpeting on the floor pad is all messed up, I start freaking out how this could've happened, till I start looking around more and realize I'm not in my car... I just sat down in someone else's car my car is the next one over.
Realizing no one noticed I immediately grab my bag and go to my car and drive off as quick as I can. While mad at myself for being an idiot, at least I'm pretty sure that no one noticed, and thankfully I won't have to explain how dumb I am to anyone else.
Hours later I look for my phone to make a phone call, after thoroughly searching my house I realize that I had my phone in my hand when I left the gas station... its in that persons car.
I don't have any other phone so the next day I figure I'll just ask a coworker to call my phone... Handled that poorly so everyone at work knows what an idiot I am. As the coworker called my phone and put it on speaker and I had to explain to the lady who picked up how she got my phone while on speaker in the break room.
After promising a 'finders fee' I did get my phone back a few hours later they brought it to my work... which meant explaining the situation to the people who work up front.
After spending $30, and embarrassing the heck out of myself I figured well at least its over and I don't have to explain how stupid I am to anyone else, only to discover that in the 18 hours I didn't have my phone my Grandfather decided to pull a power move by dying on father's day. So my family had tried to reach me only to get some random woman who didn't know who I was, or what was going on.
So I got to explain how much of an idiot I am to my family too.
After all that, heck with it, you all can know too.
TL;DR Tried to keep anyone from knowing how dumb I am, had to inform everyone I know how dumb I am.
No_Confection_6094: that’s sad. literally all i can say.
LunaticBZ: I'm hoping there's some comedy in all this madness.
solidsnook-_: Really Sorry about your grandfather's passing, but the wording of that sentence "grandfather decided to pull a power move by dying on father's day" gave me a slight chuckle. I hope you do not take offense to this.
LunaticBZ: While I am of course saddened at his passing. He was 89 years old, and passed away peacefully in the night after a night of drinking and dancing with his GF.
He also did say in the past that he wanted to go on a holiday..
So of all the ways to go its not as tragic as a loss usually is. Though likely it hasn't really hit me yet, and will at the funeral.
| 5 | 93.8 | |
1655796034 | 1655797673 | t3_vh7gzh | t5_2to41 | 19 | Affectionate_Bad2320: TIFU by accidentally looking like a gigantic creep on the city bus
Long story short I am a HUGE photography fanatic. Every few days me and my buddies will go out together (In Portland Oregon) and take a bunch of creepy looking photos of weird or run down places that look like they could be in a horror video game. We love horror and just recreating that vibe in cool photos that we print out and keep around our houses forever. Well this fuck up didn't happen today of course but actually about 8 months ago. I just remembered it today though and felt it was worth sharing.
So essentially this happened a while ago like I said, it was very late at night and me and my buddies \[All of us in our 20's and 30's\] were meeting up at a Max stop \[Essentially a city train just fyi\[ at around midnight to take a train to the south-west downtown area of Portland so we could get some cool photos in for the night. We were hoping to find another abandoned homeless den full of broken glass and needles for a particularly edgy photo. Well when we were on the train I was sitting in the middle row on the right side where there are no barriers or anything, on the left of me was the exit.
As the ride is commencing I noticed my DSLR camera was cutting out. It's light wasn't turning on even though it was on, which was extremely concerning to me as this was a 900 dollar camera. So as a reaction to that I aimed it to the left of me in a random direction \[Thinking I was aiming at a window or wall or something\] and clicked the button to take 4-5 hyper fast pictures just to make sure the damn thing wasn't broken. A second after doing this I hear a very young sounding girl clear her throat in a manner that seemed uncomfortable, I also sensed someone was staring at me. I then look to my left and to my absolute HORROR, ***exactly*** where I had just snapped those photos was where a very young girl, probably like 14-16 in a miniskirt was standing. The miniskirt detail being important because that is a gigantic issue on public transit here that men take photos up women's skirts, it's also an important detail because my camera was aimed exactly at her skirt and was being held in a low position.
Immediately when I realized the implications of what I had done I froze up and all of my friends did too. Now here's another part of the story that's important, I have autism. In conflict situations I usually almost always freeze. After taking those photos I decided to try and comfort her by saying "Oh I'm sorry that was an accident it's for my collection" which as soon as that left my mouth I felt my stomach drop even harder. Everybody was dead silent too making it extremely awkward and there was SUCH a vibe in the air that everybody thought I was a horrifying creep. Doesn't help I was wearing all black and a leather jacket. When it was time to get off \[Not that way\] I practically ran from the train without looking back. This is one of the more embarrassing moments of my life. I did look at the photos after and no I didn't capture her at all, though it definitely appeared as such.
***TL;DR*** I was in a crowded train, saw my DSLR camera I use for photography appeared busted so I aimed it at a random space without looking and took a few photos to test it. Turns out I accidentally creepshotted a young girl in front of dozens of strangers.
BroccoliPrince: Yeah that's for sure a fuck-up :/ maybe try and give yourself a simple script you can fall back on if something similar happens again, or ask a friend if they can explain *for* you? And thank your lucky stars nobody called the police about it
Affectionate_Bad2320: Yeah I should mention she looked incredibly scared after I did this. Like crapping her pants scared and my autism only made the situation worse every second because I couldn't decide whether or not to look at her and give her eye contact to make myself feel more human to her or if I should make a scowl on my face and look away as if I'm the total opposite of a pervy stalker. So I kept switching between the two every few seconds.
BroccoliPrince: Yeah, she absolutely *would* look terrified, she probably *was* terrified. Young women and girls tend to be in a constant state of high alert when out and about, cause some folks will do some wildly fucked up shit. The ideal thing to do would have been to explain what happened and offer to let her delete any photos she'd been caught in there and then if possible, but like... Even without autism at play, a lot of people wouldn't think fast enough in the moment. Brain sorta shuts down when panic mode hits, huh :/
Affectionate_Bad2320: Well luckily I'm a wimpy little man who's 140 soaking wet and 5'6, she was taller than me.
BroccoliPrince: Aha height doesn't really help, it's more the social dynamic of the age and gender. Getting creeped on is a very real fear for a lot of young women, many grow up being told horror stories, it really gets under your skin 😩
| 6 | 3.166667 | |
1655792527 | 1655857692 | t3_vh6lmj | t5_2to41 | 140 | wreckitywreck: TIFU by trying to get fit
Yesterday was TIFU. I am a woman in her early 40s and have just reached 120 kg/265 pounds. I had been mentally preparing for the moment when I finally do something about my fat self. Yesterday was the day. It started off pretty well - muesli, yoghurt and fruit for breakfast, steamed fish and potatoes for lunch. I had reserved one hour for the afternoon to do some cardio.
I walked, full of dedication, to my training bike to jump on it and ride like crazy for at least half an hour. I probably shouldn't have walked so quickly because I stumbled on it and bloody broke one of my toes. So here I am sitting in my most comfy armchair with my foot on a bunch of pillows. My toe is completely swollen and violet so no cardio for a few days or even weeks. I guess my training bike wanted to punsish me because I haven't used it this year so far.
TL;DR -- I wanted to get fit and do some cardio on my training bike but broke my toe instead.
walktheparth: Abs are made in the kitchen.
By watching what you eat, you'll lose weight. If your injured toe permits, go get some walking done.
All the best!
oboz_waves: Exactly, diet is the biggest thing. Light activity is good a few times a week but your weight loss journey certainly isn't lost. Swimming, bike riding, resistance band exercises for shoulder strength and mobility, ab exercises (which give me the same effect as a cardio workout), push ups are just some examples of things you could do on a broken toe.
walktheparth: Oh also, don't go all out when starting to exercise. The main thing is to do it consistently. 3, 4 days per week at the start perhaps?
And if you push yourself to a point where you dread exercising/ injured yourself than you're just making it harder for you to do it the next time.
Start slow and do it consistently, when you see results you'll naturally be more motivated to push yourself more and more.
Consistency is key! Doing a little is still better than nothing. Just keep doing it until exercising is part of your lifestyle.
Good luck! I believe in you!
| 4 | 35 | |
1655800835 | 1655828546 | t3_vh8lzy | t5_2to41 | 3,418 | concernedpxnda: TIFU by not staying up to date with the news
IMPORTANT EDIT: Folks outside the US check your peanut butter using the jif website. Some comments from across the pond are finding their products were part of the contaminated batch. Check your elderly folks, too.
So I just straight up do not watch the news. I just get updates from friends or occasionally articles. Every once in a blue moon I'll stumble across something on tiktok. That is exactly what happened today. It was a video of a woman who was talking about how her family has been getting sick every Monday the last 9 weeks and she brought it up with her doctor. He suggested it could be the recalled peanut butter. I had just finished a 40 oz jar of peanut butter 10 minutes before I watched it. "Huh, that's funny" I thought. "No way it's my brand-" "Jif makes peanut butter cups that also were recalled." Oh. Ohhhhh no. So I go and look it up, grab my peanut butter out of the trash and sure enough it is the same batch that was recalled. This means for a month, maybe longer, I've been giving myself salmonella every few days. I never put 2 and 2 together. I assumed it was my stomach ulcer and the heat causing me to get sick constantly.
TLDR: Gave myself salmonella for a month with a huge jar of contaminated peanut butter because I didn't see it was recalled, finished it 10 minutes before finding out via tiktok.
stickynotesandblood: *laughs in HACCP training*
TBF I feel like we don’t do enough to educate the general public when recalls like this do exist.
I worked many years ago in an assisted living home when the Peter Pan Peanut Butter got recalled and we were still using it because that was 2006 and it took about a week or more before it hit our local newspaper.
concernedpxnda: I feel like with tech now they should, you know, send a mass text or email with constantly updated lists of recalls like this. Yes, my fault for not watching the news but also the news is sort of outdated now.
stickynotesandblood: I wholeheartedly agree. I feel like things that pertain to recalls of this nature should be out there like an Amber Alert on our phones. Not as loud mind you, but still out there.
concernedpxnda: Have it programmed with its own special vibration pattern. Imagine it does it while shopping and now you gotta put back half your groceries
stickynotesandblood: Omg not the Oreos!
concernedpxnda: Sorry kids, looks like mommy just has to feed you romaine for the wee- *buzz bzz bz* I mean dirt. We're eating dirt for the week.
stickynotesandblood: You know what’s safe to eat? Nothing. I learned that last week.
LadyManchineel: I can believe this. There is a graveyard in my town and every single person buried there ate food at some point in their lives.
stickynotesandblood: The Earth feeds us and slowly turns us back in to compost. The long long game.
| 10 | 341.8 | |
1655801964 | 1655847249 | t3_vh8v2i | t5_2to41 | 139 | Over9000Zeros: TIFU by not shutting the water off before working on the tub.
Wow, how foolish of me. I got off work at 2AM today and came home and immediately thought to replace the cartridge in my tub because the faucet leaks a lot. It's been getting worse by the day so I knew I couldn't put it off much longer. I've got a full house so I didn't want to shut the water off and have it off for hours in the middle of the day so I could learn on the fly how to replace the cartridge. Of course I watched YouTube videos but actually doing the job is never as simple as the professional [anything] makes it seem.
I went into my garage (I'm on a slab) and turned the water valve a couple times. It was very tight and hard to turn initially then turned a couple times then got hard to turn again. Must be off right? 🤷🏾♂️ I run the nearest sink and the water still runs. Strange, I do some googling and they say it may take a few minutes to run out from the lowest water points. Okay. They run for a while and I'm confused. I shut hot water off at the water heater and that instantly goes off. Weird.
I go back to the main valve and give it another good turn. It's hard to turn still but I put some (small) muscle into it. It turns a couple more times. I know the water has to be off now so I go to the tub. Guess what? The cold water only drips. To me, the water is obviously off and just slowly dropping from the tub pipe. I'm good to go! 👌🏾
I proceed to take off the handle, the I take off the first half of the cartridge by pulling it out. Water continues to "slowly run off" through the 2nd half of the cartridge. It's 3 AM now and I just want to shower and sleep. A slight flow won't hurt while I work. I fight the 2nd half a bit because it's kinda stubborn...
https://images.app.goo.gl/XgaUWwLN3irskMHr7
WHAT THE HELL?!
Now imagine me fighting to screw the cartridge back on. That doesn't work, I'm getting soaked. Water is somehow leaking into the bathroom downstairs from the ceiling. I call the water company to shut things off, they're slightly faster than the DMV.
In a last attempt to basically save my house... I go to brute force the main water valve. Peace.
https://images.app.goo.gl/xMm68EH2umKu6uSB8
TL;DR: I reduced the water flow to my home by about 5% then let the tub pipe flow freely into my bathroom wall.
brentosmentos: I will say, I never recommend a DIY person do plumbing when the hardware store is closed. Something always breaks, or you forget something etc.
Not really your issue here but say the valve would have broken or something, you would be screwed with no way to get supplies even if you can fix it by yourself.
Sucks that the valve didn't work, gate valves like that, that you turn, often stop working after a number of years. I much prefer the quartet turn valves.
Over9000Zeros: Yeah I definitely know how it is having to run to the store 3x in the span of an hour. I was just trying to not inconvenience anyone in the house. I did hear that about the gate valve. I'll have to hire someone to swap that.
brentosmentos: Yeah, at least with a ball valve you know by how the handle is turned. And if you turn it off every so often, it will last basically forever, gate valves die after a number of years especially if never used of with a lot of crap in the water.
| 4 | 34.75 | |
1655807110 | 1655838928 | t3_vha4mr | t5_2to41 | 7 | BoytoyCowboy: TIFU with the cost of living high
[removed]
TruDuddyB: Not really a TIFU but that's a damn good song
BoytoyCowboy: Atleast I'm not alone
builtbybama_rolltide: Haha he’s my friend’s neighbor, I’m totally saving this to show him the next time I see him. Jamey is a really nice guy and I think he will laugh
BoytoyCowboy: Oh I'd kill to see the conversation of an artist reacting to something like this.
My sister used to know Kyle Morris (unlikely canidates) as he went to her bar.
Edit (there was a funny story here, I leave this blank until I remeber it)
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1655812036 | 1655831025 | t3_vhbfll | t5_2to41 | 17,734 | Low_Imagination_8933: TIFU by running out of the bedroom to fast to have sex
So I’ll make this short and sweet. I’m at a girls house having a good night, the night is drawing to a close and things have been very flirtatious and a bit spicy. So we finish a movie and proceed to go upstairs. We get to the bedroom and I forgot the phone charger downstairs. At this point we’re both bollock naked and she’s lying on the bed in the most “draw me like one of your French girls” position ever! In the most seductive voice known to man she says “you best get that charger quick and hurry back up.
And this is where the fuck up begins. So like an excited child running down the stairs for Christmas, I run out of the room. Side note here, her house is tiny and you have to do an immediate U turn to the stairs, opposite the stairs is the door frame to the bathroom. So with all that I run out of the room and BAM! I bare foot booted this son of tree door frame! I straight away grab my foot and I know it’s more than a stub. The pain. Oh my lord the pain!
I’m jumping about like a madman laughing at how much pain I’m in (something I apparently do). I slap my foot on the bed for us to see and when I let go blood was pissing out everywhere. Turns out my middle toe is destroyed and looks like it’s been crushed, the pinky toe soon swelled up with a big gash on it. What blew my mind was the toe in between was completely unscathed. So I cleaned my toes and wrapped them up, plus we had no pain killers either.
Due to my misfortune, jumping about laughing and swearing, sex was off the tables. This bitch right! Sat there the entire time with tears down her face laughing uncontrollably at me, saying “that’s the best thing I’ve ever seen”. We get in bed, lights off and she’s still pissing herself about it all. She says we’ll “have some fun” in the morning. Wake up this morning to blood all over and my toes are swollen (not the invincible middle toe though). So with that I clean it all off, rewrap it and now I’m on tramadol with a broken toe and no sexy time. On the bright side she can’t wait to see me again and I have an indestructible toe. So there’s two positives to this story.
TL;DR: Was about to get it on with the most seductive woman I’ve ever met. Ran out the room like a child at Christmas and destroyed 2 of my toes in the process.
Edit: For everyone asking why the charger was more important than sexy time, it was incase we cuddled and fell asleep after. Plus by the time we’d be done the phone would be dead which has our alarms. I know it was a stupid mistake and I promise it won’t happen again 😂. Moral of the story, leave the phone and take the risk of being late in the morning for sexy time. Or destroy your toes, no sexy time and be on time for work. I know which one I’ll choice next time! Fuck phones!
I still had to go get the charger too, hoping down the stairs saying “fuck the charger”. Still got a cuddle though, even if I was going deaf from the laughter. Have a brilliant day people! Happy I you all enjoyed my fuck up!
Update: My toes are broken.
Sparrowsabre7: I'm confused, what was the phone charger for? Was it needed right that second?
ragingnerd1233: I guess most people go to bed after sex and most people charge their phone while asleep? Sounds like some shit I’d do.
juniorspank: That could wait until after though
ragingnerd1233: It 100% could, but I personally am very lazy after sex, not so much before.
YouMeanHunkules: You must be a guy but if you're a lady you should really pee and clean after sex.
spiritofgonzo1: Guys should too tbh
YouMeanHunkules: Our personal cleanliness needs drive us to wash hands and body parts if not take a shower. He hates not showering off sweat and I regret not washing every time. But I didn't know if there was a medical need for men as well.
TheRealStandard: From what I am aware the peeing after sex thing is a myth. I remember an AMA from a doctor talking about it a few years back that also found out that urine isn't actually sterile either.
Mcstringflow: Urine isn’t sterile but peeing after sex is not a myth.
It dislodges any residue that’s stuck in your urinary tract so it doesn’t cause problems. Men and women should both pee after sex.
TheRealStandard: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/ask-experts/is-it-true-that-if-you-dont-pee-after-sex-youll-get-a-uti-and-that-a-uti-can-turn-into-chlamydia
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/peeing-after-sex/#:~:text=There's%20no%20harm%20in%20males,stones%20and%20an%20enlarged%20prostate.
> “Studies have not proven that urinating always reduces the risk of UTIs, but many women find it helpful.”
> peeing before and after sex can help prevent them. But this doesn’t work for everyone all the time, and some people who don’t pee after sex have no problem with UTIs.
The general TLDR is that it doesn't really do anything, it *could* help for some people in some edge cases. Men basically don't need to worry at all due to having longer urethras. But telling people you should pee after sex to prevent UTI **is** a myth.
Krasivij: Your own source contradicts you. It says right there that peeing after sex helps prevent UTIs. Of course it doesn't prevent STDs, but that's another thing entirely and nobody said it does.
TheRealStandard: Quoted wrong thing was in a hurry, fixed it.
> “Studies have not proven that urinating always reduces the risk of UTIs, but many women find it helpful.”
> peeing before and after sex can help prevent them. But this doesn’t work for everyone all the time, and some people who don’t pee after sex have no problem with UTIs.
Krasivij: You may be right, but that's an oddly formulated statement. Of course it doesn't *always* reduce the risk, the question is whether there's a noticeable difference between peeing or not peeing, and that statement doesn't answer that question.
TheRealStandard: That's because studies don't support the myth. It helps in edge cases for women that frequently deal with UTIs
Krasivij: Well, you seem to know more than me about the topic and I really don't have a horse in this race, so I'll take your word for it.
| 16 | 1,108.375 | |
1655812526 | 1655814022 | t3_vhbke2 | t5_2to41 | 13 | cantsleepsick: TIFU by calling an emergency room for an upset stomach
[removed]
nnaughtydogg: I can just picture the busy hospital staff having to deal with this idiot
cantsleepsick: So I’m an idiot for trying to help myself not feel like I’m about to throw up every five minutes? Ok.
nnaughtydogg: You either go to the hospital and see a doctor or you buy something over the counter. You don’t call the hospital and demand they guarantee to give you prescription drugs. Thats just common sense
| 4 | 3.25 |
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