start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1655814944 | 1655816840 | t3_vhcc1b | t5_2to41 | 20 | cantsleepsick: TIFU by asking my doctor for specific medications
I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for about two years now and she has proscribed me several antidepressants and a few anti-psychotic medications. I’m not going to lie and tell you that they haven’t been helping me but I feel like I need more. I asked her if she would be willing to prescribe me something like Xanax. She said she doesn’t prescribe those types of mediations.
I went to see two other doctors and asked them if they could precise for me Ativan or Xanax and they were like it’s too addictive and only meant for short term use. I’m not a doctor but I’ve done my own research and I feel like a benzo would be perfect for me. I don’t understand why other people can get them but I can’t even though I am diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety.
A few days ago I was in the ER for an upset stomach and the doctor told me that everything looks great concerning my lab work. I asked him if I could get a colonoscopy or a endoscopy and he said that I’m not in the age range for that. He asked me why I wanted one. I just wanted to make sure I’m not sicker than he thinks.
Tl;dr I asked doctors for specific medication
SweetBrea: Honestly, you sound like you're either drug seeking or attention seeking and neither will get you anywhere with 90% of hospital staff, just fyi.
>I think a benzo would be perfect for me
Most addicts think "a benzo would be perfect for them".. lol. 😆🙄
Professional_Froyo34: Look at their post history…..
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1655820531 | 1655821992 | t3_vhe7kg | t5_2to41 | 13 | HanaMay_B: TIFU by not being on top of travelling plans
My friend and I had been saying that I should visit them in the USA (I'm German) for years.
Beginning of this year we finally threw together a fast plan, and I am supposed to start travelling the morning of the 24th. Today is the 21st.
It was kind of a rushed decision, maybe a little bit foolish too.
But I fucked up massively by not making sure my passport was not expired right then. It expired one year ago, and I only noticed it today. I might be the biggest fool around.
The only thing I can do tomorrow morning is to apply for an Express-Passport but who knows if they will accept the reason of "I fucked up" and actually give it to me in 3 days. 3 days are already too late.
And now I have wasted thousands of my friends money because I was supposed to pay them back when I am there. I have talked to them earlier and they are extremely disappointed. This will probably cost us our friendship, just because I am incapable of functioning like a normal human. It's a nightmare. I don't wanna exist anymore.
I really really really fucked up.
TLDR: Supposed to leave in 3 days. Passport expired last year. FML.
Infinite-Exam-8135: Is there any way you can postpone the visit?
HanaMay_B: They already paid for the hotel, and cancellation and booking for another time would just cost extra money. We also wanted to go to a weekend event in another state that also needed a hotel. and then the cost for the flight to that state.
It's all just a lot a lot of money wasted, plus time and nerves. It doesn't sound like they would want to deal with that anymore. Almost 4 years of friendship and thousands of dollars down the drain.
Infinite-Exam-8135: If it is really thousands of dollars, I think changing the date of the flights wouldn’t make a significant change. The event is definitely not possible to attend but at least you can enjoy some other way with your friend. Your friend would be frustrated for some time but will be happy to spend time with you. It is an honest mistake and I think they will forgive you after some time. Good luck 🤞
HanaMay_B: Thank you for the encouragement!
| 5 | 2.6 | |
1655822660 | 1655839455 | t3_vheyvm | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU making my girlfriend's mom cry
[deleted]
Bozigg: You didn't do anything wrong. She is going through stuff, and you were there to help her.
Jack-Sparrow_: I don't think I should've help her until tears because that made her feel frustrated about herself. My girlfriend had also warned me about how she could get a bit emotional about her knee but I voluntarily ignored her telling me she could do it, so i do believe i did something wrong by not listening to her or my gf. But it wasn't done with any malice thoughts. Just don't want people crying because of me that's it
Bozigg: I see where you are coming from, but being stubborn and not taking help when it clearly is needed is something she is dealing with. You offering help, and taking the time to show you care is not a fuck up. I can't change your mind on that, but from where I'm sitting, If I was your SO, I would be proud of you for doing what most probably wouldn't even think about. Don't be too hard on yourself
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1655824045 | 1655825408 | t3_vhfhi8 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally shaving a significant portion of my eyebrows to look asymmetric
[deleted]
bobstro: If you make a small mistake, leave it alone. It'll grow back. You can make things much worse trying to "fix" a problem that will go away in a few days.
SerVinnette: Yes, I won't touch them again. I'll let the nature do its job.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1655824154 | 1655825278 | t3_vhfiw9 | t5_2to41 | 69 | Shiftygo50: TIFU by trying to do the right thing.
This actually happened a few days ago but still bothers me.
On my way home I noticed a dog off leash without their human. Since the dog was a couple houses down from my driveway, I got out of my vehicle and called out to the dog hoping it would come over to me so I could get it's humans phone number off it's tag and give them a call.
What happened next still bothers me to the core.
Instead of the dog coming over to me, it turned and bolted across the road in front of an oncoming car. The driver didn't even try to slow down. The front bumper hit the dog and she was dragged and rolled underneath the car. The driver didn't stop and just kept on driving. I know for a fact the driver knew she hit the dog because as she was passing by I could see her leaning forward into the rear-view mirror looking at the damage she had done.
I ran over to the dog as she was crying and shaking and tried to comfort her. The sound of the car hitting the dog was very loud and the neighbors began coming out of their houses to see what was going on. The dogs human came outside and was in shock. He picked her up placed her in his car and immediately drove her to a vet.
I found out later that she didn't survive.
I feel like shit because if I had just left the dog alone she probably wouldn't have run into the road.
Tl;DR - I called out to a dog and frightened by my existence, she ran into the road and was killed by an oncoming car.
kingmob555: That's such an unfortunate situation, especially because it leaves you feeling like you are at fault when your heart was clearly in the right place.
Don't be hard on yourself. Most stuff is out of our control and you did your best.
Shiftygo50: Thank you. I appreciate you saying that.
DownrightDrewski: I was going to comment something similar- please be kind to yourself.
| 4 | 17.25 | |
1655827625 | 1655887661 | t3_vhgt5g | t5_2to41 | 508 | L0V3G00D: TIFU by telling my gf i've had sex in a movie theater
First of all, english is not my first language, so i'll work hard to get this understandable.
I'm (24m) she is (21f), we are that kind of couple that usually u can find in one place, for some couples, this place is a certain bar, for others is burger houses, for us is a mall center for many reasons, i dont own a car (i'm working my life out), this place is close from home, it has a built-in subway station and inside of it, has all the shops that we love.
Anyways, we were talking about sex life, couple's privacy and so. And in the middle of the coversation, we entered the topic "Kinks", and eventually she said that she has the curiosity of doing some place like the movie theater, on an empty cinema room. And i said that i done that already, and it was not a good experience at all, besides the fact that i discovered later that they have cameras inside of that place. Then she was pissed off, asking me where it was, wich mall / movie theater, and she got really angry, and i, as any men would do, played dumb.
I'm not telling her where, i dont feel comfortable sharing that kind of details, and now she's not talking to me (left to her mom's), saying that she's not going to that mall ever again, because she believe that i did it in there, and now she doesnt feel comfortable anymore, and yada yada yada.
Basically she is like, "If u had sex with a woman there, i'm never setting foot there again."
And i feel like that is a bit radical of her.
We even talked on breaking up, cuz i'm scared of how she handled that information.
TL;DR - how TIFU by telling my gf that i had sex in a cinema.
Noidremained: just say that it wasn't the mall you frequent
L0V3G00D: The problem its not the mall itself, it is the storm the she's causing over something that is not her business, and happened MANY years ago. Even that if was in that same mall....its something unbelievable.
ThickyNicki25: Did you think it was necessary to mention all of that instead of just why the theatre might be a bad idea? Me and my bf have never shared our past experiences cuz it’s irrelevant to what we are now.
Familiar_Opposite866: They were already talking about kinks and she brought up something he’d already done. Was he just supposed to pretend he hadn’t??
Besides, my fiancé and I know pretty much everything about each other’s past sexual lives without blowing up at each other like this. OP’s girlfriend is being super unreasonable.
ThickyNicki25: Lol yes! Say why it’s not a good idea, it’s like telling your bf that a place you’re going to eat used to be you and your ex’s spot. It’s weird and awkward and can easily be omitted. And I bet y’all talked about it not as y’all were trying to set something up right? You can’t help that mentioning other women during intimate times is a major turn off, it just is. Especially when dating, means you’re still thinking about your ex.
JCPRuckus: He didn't offer any extra information. He just said, "I've done that. It actually isn't a good time". Anything else she's mad about is just her making details up in her imagination.
ThickyNicki25: Honestly telling her why it isn’t a good idea without mentioning anybody else when that wasn’t even asked would’ve been the considerate thing to do. Sure y’all are free to say what you want but ppl know how to hold back with certain ppl. Most of us didn’t even curse when we were young cuz of what our parents would say. Certain things you don’t say to your gf, not saying he said it maliciously but he didn’t need to say all that. It isn’t necessary when you’re in a new relationship, focus on who you’re with atm. Why focus on the past is my question, focus on why it made YOU uncomfortable and why YOU don’t want to do it (and you can do that without mentioning your past, I promise you I’ve done it many times because it would just make things awkward to bring that up)
JCPRuckus: Mentioning that you've had sex before isn't "focusing on the past". He mentioned it in passing because it was relevant to explaining why he knew something wasn't actually a good time. He had to mention that he knew from experience, because I guarantee that she wouldn't have let it go otherwise.
She's just mad because he blew up her fantasy with facts. She's just blaming his past because that sounds less childish than the truth.
ThickyNicki25: I mean, it kinda is when he said that but didn’t want to elaborate, it’s like he’s hiding something or he slipped up and said it and now doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. Like it’s not important right? So be honest about everything, he was comfortable telling her about his past but not…. His past? Def hiding something. And for a fact most girls would if he communicated on why he was uncomfortable about it. But no, he shut down and made it seem like he was hiding something by doing a bad job at “playing dumb”. She picked up on that, I promise you. When you know someone is lying to your face, that usually doesn’t have a positive outcome (just speaking from experience). Final verdict, if you’re gonna be honest, be completely honest. No half truths cuz that’s never a good scenario to be in
JCPRuckus: Yeah, he didn't want to talk about it anymore because she overreacted. If she couldn't take him mentioning that he had sex before, then talking about it more wasn't going to fix the situation.
You don't get to freak out on someone for sharing something minor and then get mad when they don't want to keep sharing.
This girl is acting nuts, and if she can't get her shit back together then he honestly dodged a bullet. You're just another woman refusing to hold other women accountable for their bad behavior. It's not his job to predict or manage her unreasonable reactions. It's her job not to react unreasonably.
ThickyNicki25: Okay and his comment could’ve very much been out of line to her. Very unnecessary to bring up and not even have the courtesy of finishing. When you’re in a relationship you’re supposed to have that person be able to do a trust fall with their heart. She freaked out cuz he was obviously lying about something, she couldn’t trust him in that moment. He felt comfortable to start he should be grown enough to be able to finish. It’s like gaslighting, knowing when someone is lying but they’re doing their hardest to convince you they’re not. It’s honestly infuriating, cuz you just want the truth. That’s it!
JCPRuckus: You've got it backwards. He trusted her to act like an adult by being honest. She violated that trust by freaking out. He's not lying or trying to hide anything. He just can't trust her not to continue freaking out more if he continues. So there's no point in continuing. She lost the right to further explanation by getting mad over nothing in the first place.
ThickyNicki25: lol you might wanna read the og post again, he deliberately held back info from her cuz all of a sudden he felt “uncomfortable talking about it” if she didn’t just take idk for an answer she def knows he hiding something. She didn’t lie anywhere, she was asking for more answers. I’m a relationship, communication is EVERYTHING! If you’re gonna start telling the truth, tell the whole truth or else you might not like how ppl react to being gaslit. He shouldn’t have played dumb, that was his mistake. Being a man doesn’t make that okay to do, you push that aside when you’re in a relationship. Sorry if I value honesty so much in a relationship but he even said he deliberately played dumb. Doesn’t sound like good communication on his part to me
JCPRuckus: I did read it.
He mentioned having sex in a theater.
She immediately got mad.
He didn't want to talk about it further, because he couldn't trust her not to continue acting poorly if he did.
That's what happened. He didn't stop for no reason. He stopped so that she wouldn't keep getting more angry at him for no good reason. There was no point in continuing, because continuing wouldn't fix it.
That is the correct thing to do when someone is being unreasonable. Stop indulging them. That's not "hiding things". That's not letting yourself be emotionally manipulated and bullied.
If she had remained calm, I'm sure he would have continued to share. But, again, she lost the right to more info as soon as she overreacted in the first place. Because there's no reason to give her more excuses to overreact to any new details.
ThickyNicki25: “He stopped so that she wouldn’t keep getting more angry”…. And how did that work out?? 😂 Lol when you’re in a relationship all that pride you have? Out the window. He’s not above her so she doesn’t lose the right to anything. As a girlfriend she deserves an explanation, you wouldn’t explain yourself to anybody else cuz they aren’t as important right? Like I said, if he doesn’t want to be in a relationship that would be perfect, now he doesn’t owe anybody an explanations. Communication is the best way to calm down a bad situation. Or maybe she’s overreacting cuz she doesn’t understand the full story, he just dropped that and stopped communicating. Nobody has ever reacted well to being gaslit.
Sorry but if you’re not communicating in a RELATIONSHIP, you’re doing something wrong. Put the pride AWAYYYYYYYYYY. FAR AWAY!
JCPRuckus: >“He stopped so that she wouldn’t keep getting more angry”…. And how did that work out??
She was going to get more angry no matter what. But he refused to indulge her bad behavior. That's the best outcome he could have hoped for.
Again, she'll get her head right, or they'll break up. Either is better than giving her more ammo to be mad about, just for it to not make things better anyway.
You should never give away so much pride that you let yourself be emotionally manipulated and bullied. Which is exactly what her outburst was.
ThickyNicki25: And you know that how? It’s never “hmm maybe if I communicate it’ll get better!” No…. It’s always lie and hope things get better. Like studies haven’t been done that show the importance of communication. All I’m hearing is that his pride got in the way of him explaining the situation better. You can’t hold off info and expect someone to get the full story, you just can’t it’s impossible. Lolll okay nah, asking questions and being upset isn’t bullying, you’re taking things too far. This is literally about communicating properly in a relationship, which they both failed at. Both!
JCPRuckus: The whole problem started because he expected to be able to communicate like adults. She proved that wasn't an option by getting mad over nothing.
Yes, communication is good and necessary. But there's no point trying to communicate with someone who can't act like an adult and remain calm. Again, not his job to try and communicate through her crazy behavior. It's her job to not act crazy so that they can communicate.
ThickyNicki25: The only evidence you have of her being “crazy” is her continuing to ask questions after he played dumb…. Which I said, nobody ever reacts good to being gaslit. He should’ve never started something he was very incapable of finishing. Communication is not as hard as y’all are making it seem
Canadianingermany: You need to check the definition of gaslighting, because this is absolutely, 100% NOT gaslighting.
​
He has no obligation to share details of his former sexual escapades if he doesn't want to - ESPECIALLY if she is already upset about top level details.
| 21 | 24.190476 | |
1655830146 | 1655831680 | t3_vhhqw4 | t5_2to41 | 2 | Alternative_Touch798: TIFU: By letting my dog step on a bee.
[removed]
Fit_Ad_7681: This seemed a bit scattered, but:
>dating a pirate
>I do bitch up
>I ended up shitting on my bfs bed
>now I am broke af
Amber, is that you?
On a serious note, take the dog to the vet.
Alternative_Touch798: I have never heard of this Amber you are talking about
Fit_Ad_7681: I find that unlikely.
Alternative_Touch798: 🤔
| 5 | 0.4 | |
1655832957 | 1655836408 | t3_vhisso | t5_2to41 | 6 | __happymuff1274: Tifu by not tipping the cat groomer
My family had a beautiful exotic shorthair cat. Unfortunately, the breed is known to have the whole smushed in face, and my cat happens to have the tiniest nostrils. So, when he tries to groom himself he essentially is suffocating himself. Because of this we take him to the groomer every couple of month to groomer him really well on top of brushing at home.
So I never take my/family cat to the groomer. My dad or mom always does it. I had to drop him off today at a brand new place myself, because they both had work.
It wasn’t until he was done, and I was walking in to pick him up that I notice the “cash or checks only” sign on the door, and they didn’t tell me how much it was when I dropped the cat off.
So I’m looking through my wallet praying I have enough cash on me. The total was $36.75. The amount of money I had in my wallet: $37.
So nothing left over to tip the groomer with. It was so awkward, and she looked disappointed and I just wanted to fall down and die right on the spot.
TL;DR I didn’t have enough cash to tip the groomer because I didn’t know they took cash only
Edit: my mom or dad is going to drive there tomorrow morning to give the groomer a tip. I asked them if they’ve ever tipped past groomers and they said no. It seemed 50/50 split on google (to tip or not to) but idk
TheOldMancunian: Wait one moment. You go to an establishment that advertises a service for a fee. They do that service, you pay the fee, AND YOU HAVE TO TIP? Its not like they are a restaurant.
__happymuff1274: That’s the thing! My parents had never tipped at past groomers, but I figured it was just like getting your own haircut and tipping the stylist? Google was not very clear on this
Zahryaart: Coming from a dog groomer, tipping is nice but NOT NEEDED. you tip if you like the service, the person, etc. Do not feel required. Although I do this this person is way undercharging for their services, myself. That doesn't mean you have to tip, either, though. It what you feel like.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1655833639 | 1655834706 | t3_vhj1yh | t5_2to41 | 11 | 28mindy: tifu by being horny, lying, and trying to hide it
This started about 12 hours ago and is on-going. Me (28m) and my roommate i guess? (23f) have lived together the last 4-5 years. Most of that we were actually dating and things were rocky but we managed to work things out for the most part. This year she wanted to not be in any sort of relationship with anyone and work on herself, and if things were good at the end of the year/ start of next year we'd be dating again.
Anyway, my job sent me out of town last week to help another branch get caught up, put me in a hotel, the whole 9. Well me, thinking somehow I'd get away with it started looking for a woman to hookup with. (Didn't find anyone) I'm not sure if I even could have gone through with it if I had found someone, but I digress.
Cut to 2am this morning, I'm home about to go to bed and my roommate/ex/partner, idk what to call her, messages me on facebook and I didn't reply. She somehow knew I was awake/ on my phone and walks into my room. She asks why I didn't reply. I lied and said I didn't see the message. She asks to see my phone so I hand it over and she starts searching through all my social media apps. She comes across the reddit account I used to look for someone and proceeds to lose her shit. She told me that we were done and that I should go. We're both still in the apartment currently but in our respective rooms.
Edit: Yeah, forgot to mention I told her i'd wait for her/ not be with anyone else.
TL:DR was out of town for work, tried to hookup with someone and got caught
-CrowWill-: I'm not sure why she is upset if you were not in a relationship, and it was know that you were not in a relationship. Unless somehow you told her that you would wait for her? Or had some other agreements about not seeing other people?
28mindy: Yeah, I told her I wouldn't be seeing anyone else. Forgot to mention that.
minitaba: You told a friend that does kot want any romantic relatuonship with you that you wont cheat on her? Wtf
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1655833691 | 1655845967 | t3_vhj2mz | t5_2to41 | 15 | Glittering-While-257: TIFU by having no life experience and almost getting scammed out of thousands of dollars
I'm a college kid, I'm new to this whole adult thing. I also have hella anxiety because, you know, I don't know what I'm doing.
I bought my laptop 2 years ago. I'm writing a book, and that computer is my pride and joy, I love it to death and if I didn't have it I couldn't write.
Well this morning before my first lecture I opened up the ol computer, got a cup of tea, and decided to have a nice relaxed morning with some tea. When I unlock my computer I'm bombarded with a scanning process and several Microsoft defense tabs saying that I had been infected with a trojan virus and to call the number on the screen which was a security hotline immediately.
Listen, yes, red flag galore. I know. But it seemed so fucking legit and I was panicking at this moment, so I called the number. An Indian dude answered. RED FLAG. You know what I thought? "Oh I shouldn't judge him maybe he grew up in India"
(ノ｀Д´)ノ彡┻━┻
YOU FUCKING DUMB CUNT!
Well I did the thing and gave him remote access, and he said "okay sir we're going to need to install Microsoft defense, it will be 199 dollars."
I was like "oh shit didn't realize they needed money" but I rolled along since I don't know wtf I'm doing. He opens my notebook tab. My fucking notebook tab, and asks for my billing address, card info, all that jazz.
GODDAMMIT IM SO FUCKING DUMB
I grabbed my card, and began filling it out. Then Mark Rober's video popped into my head.
I was being scammed.
Hoooooly shit.
I shut down everything, hung up, removed remote access. Those popups!? They were fucking chrome tabs! I didn't notice at first because, you know, popups. But once I could get to chrome I closed a tab and the popups were no more.
I'm honestly astonished at how quick trusting I was. Most scammer things I see on the internet involve people with THICK indian accents and poor grammar who say their names are Richard, and they talk really weird and whatnot. This dude was super well spoken, had just a slight Indian accent, and never really talked about his name or anything. He acted like how I would expect tech support to be; mildly bored, annoyed at the user's incompetence but still patient, and straight to the point all business. He asked questions that I would expect an IT guy to ask, whole deal. Like, this was a fine wine of a scam. Dude knew what he was doing.
I think this has to do with the fact that I've mostly seen scammer videos where the scammer targets an older person and baby talks them; so I was expecting a waaaaay less competent dude. For those saying how dumb I was for falling for it, yes I was dumb, but it wasn't as clear as you might think, especially without any prior expectations or knowledge of how the process goes.
It's a good lesson in just how scary scammers are. There are multibillion dollar scamming businesses; those who fall for it are not a minority.
TL;Dr, if something is trying to "help" you with a virus on your computer, look up Microsoft security hotline, don't just do the one on the screen. Also if they're Indian, BE SUSPICIOUS.
Hot_Necessary_2618: No shit
KevinBritt: Wow you are really tough big daddy sitting at that keyboard! He has already admitted he nearly made a serious mistake. No reason to slam him now. Key is he knows what to do next time. Ease up dude!
| 3 | 5 | |
1655836203 | 1657915757 | t3_vhk1iw | t5_2to41 | 19 | crabdog2: TIFU by un-matching the hottest girl I’ve ever matched with on Tinder
We hit it off so well, I messaged her 2 hrs after matching and was pretty much in disbelief by how beautiful she was. She said that I was so cute and I looked like a celebrity that she liked and was replying really fast. I basically blew it because we were flirting the first night but after i said “we should go on a date some time” she ghosted for the night. It should be noted that I was hesitant to ask her to come over because she was an hour away.
I realize now that she was probably either looking for attention or just a hookup. But either way I blew it and the conversation began to die away and she started to seem less and less interested. I tried to plan a date one last time and she gave some lame excuse waiting many hours to respond. I unmatched impulsively and I still don’t really know why.
I just get tired of being ghosted and I know how many guys were probably knocking on her door so I wanted it to end on my own terms and keep my “masculine frame”. Stupid ego trip. The next day I felt so much regret and I deleted/redownloaded tinder to try and find her again and I did indeed find her again.
She put her anthem as a really sad song and when I listened to it, it related so much to our situation and I super liked her like a creep. I doubt it’ll work out. She was so beautiful. I guess you have to do stupid things to learn sometimes.
TLDR: after waiting for a week with barely any matches, I assume she either saw me and swiped left or never saw me. But I’ve since deleted tinder because I’m really depressed about the whole situation.
TheEleventhMeh: Not responding for a few hours is not ghosting. The fact that you got so upset from not hearing back overnight would come off as a red flag to a lot of women. Just keep that in mind in the future. You are not entitled to a woman's time. She has a life outside of tinder. She could've really liked you and been surprised by your actions. Haven't you ever been unreachable for a night?
crabdog2: Yeah idk it’s just weird how, assuming she was even real, girls get distant when you bring up meeting in person. They don’t always but when they do, I assume this is a HINT. I like to say I can take a hint when a girl seems low interest because I’ve been strung along and lied to before and it hurts. But yeah I fucked up no doubt. I’m an overthinker
TheEleventhMeh: It's odd that you're attributing pernicious motives to her. Women get raped and murdered every day. We each have to make safety calculations every time we leave the house, especially when we're considering meeting a man. So if there is a delay responding, it's justified. It's also possible she was busy that first night she didn't respond. You getting upset over her not responding overnight makes you look less safe, so yeah, after that she is going to take time to really think about if it's a good idea to meet up with you. You're worried about getting strung along; we're worried about getting killed.
crabdog2: I only attribute a lack of interest to her. I can’t say what it’s like to be a girl but i do acknowledge that the struggle of dealing with weird scary dudes almost constantly must suck a lot. Being a guy is very much the opposite because you will likely go years with virtually no intimacy of any kind, and you will become numb to rejection and being alone.
So when the right girl does come along you might be excited and want to put in effort but this is actually very wrong because apparently girls do not like it when you make them a priority it actually turns them off and makes them like you less. It also makes you look less safe apparently.
You can’t force attraction. And I would bet a lot of money that there’s been guys that she met on the first night matching or that she even scheduled a date for.
TheEleventhMeh: That's not what I said at all. The effort isn't the problem, the overreaction to a few hours without contact is. You still do not acknowledge that she could've been busy or out of wifi range. Just be patient and don't draw any conclusions from not hearing from someone for less than a few days.
I had matches with guys I really liked, then had to work overtime for a week and came back to a deleted account or a lot of anger and that sucks. It sounded like she was attracted to you. Making assumptions about how quickly she meets other people to give yourself a victim complex is not a good look.
My comments about safety were intended to help you understand the things we have to think about to be safe. It's not a reflection on men that aren't violent, some are, so we have to be careful. A lot of women don't meet people in real life for quite a while, and then it's in public, not a hook up at your place. You took all of it all wrong. You don't want to learn, you want excuses to resent her. That's a path to misogyny and "involuntary celibacy."
crabdog2: I’ve taken some time to absorb what you said and I appreciate it a lot. It gave me a different perspective that I needed. I was in a weird headspace then
TheEleventhMeh: I'm really glad to hear that. Best of luck.
crabdog2: Update: your advice helped me get a gf :D
Hope it continues to go good. Thank you
TheEleventhMeh: I'm really happy for you!
| 10 | 1.9 | |
1655836715 | 1655839550 | t3_vhk8nf | t5_2to41 | 31 | Nateme69: TIFU by having SEX with my GIRLFRIEND AND HER MOM
[removed]
Skurploosh: This was written by a 14 year old.
PM_ur_Rump: Worse. Check the history. Likely a bit older but obsessed with um "enhancing" his "manhood."
Nateme69: My brother says he doesnt know what you are talking about
| 4 | 7.75 | |
1655836958 | 1655837387 | t3_vhkbzp | t5_2to41 | 1 | Aroundwomen: TIFU by being a part of the modern dating scene
[removed]
GoblinsGuide: Try fucking dudes again.
streamninjasexparty: try fucking dudes chain
| 3 | 0.333333 | |
1655838612 | 1655855548 | t3_vhkyu1 | t5_2to41 | 8,615 | I-Steam-A-Good-Ham: TIFU by not washing new underwear before wearing them
This is actually a YIFU, but I'm just now getting to posting it.
Yesterday I was getting ready for work and put on some brand new undies out of the package. I've always usually washed them first for fear that some weird detergent or something could harm my dong or make my butt itchy, but I was in a hurry and grabbed some and threw them on and headed to work.
I drink a lot of water during the day so I usually have a couple good whizzes in me. I wear khaki colored pants at work so I always grab a paper towel on the way in to wipe off the dribble.
I had to pee pretty bad so I hurried in, grabbed my paper, went to the urinal, unzipped and flipped, and expected the usual quick relief.
Instead, I felt no relief... and my hands, arms, and front of my clothes getting sprayed.
I looked down, and there was a little round [sticker](https://i.imgur.com/9qjbQF5.jpg) covering 99% of my dickhole. The other 1% of uncovered dickhole was wildly and painfully spraying pee all over me.
I pinched off (ouch), peeled it off (ouch), and finished my piss.
Went home an hour early so I didn't have to sit around in my dirty pee pants.
TL;DR: didn't wash new underwear before wearing. "QC passed" sticker from the underwear factory stuck to my ween - hole and made me pee on myself.
iwetmyplants703: You…wipe?
EVERYONE DOWNVOTE ME ALL YOU WANT. I HAVE A VAGINA AND I THOUGHT ONE OF THE PERKS OF BEING A MAN IS NOT NEEDING TO WIPE SO I DONT TAKE MY QUESTION BACK
I’m learning so much about male pee habits. Timely as I’m about to have a son.
anunkneemouse: Yeah man. It's hygienic
iwetmyplants703: TIL men dab. My mind is seriously blown 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
TWOWHEELTACO: I just roll up a small piece of toilet paper and plug it
TrollopMcGillicutty: Tiny tampon
TWOWHEELTACO: Tiny manpon*
TrollopMcGillicutty: *mini manpon
TWOWHEELTACO: Micro manpon*
TrollopMcGillicutty: I believe we have reached perfection. Congrats!
TWOWHEELTACO: Agreed , love you too
TrollopMcGillicutty: <swoon>
| 12 | 717.916667 | |
1655844242 | 1655948724 | t3_vhn3fu | t5_2to41 | 104 | [deleted]: TIFU by going out with a potential predator
[deleted]
Willowshep: Sounds like your 100% on point, did your due diligence, reached out for explanation. That literally could of happened to anyone; Think of it this way, you dodged a bullet before you got too committed/ heart broken. Nice job.
Praise-Bingus: I guess where I feel like I'm messing up is im struggling to hate him. He was sweet and polite with me, didn't do anything wrong. I should hate him now given what I learned but they way he treated me compared to what he's charged with feels like 2 different people and I'm struggling to accept it
chazzmoney: Not all polite people are predators and not all predators are polite.
But someone can be polite and sweet and intelligent AND a predator. Many predators are charismatic as well because it *helps them be effective*.
You cognitive dissonance is a GOOD thing. It means that you are struggling (and learning). You did nothing wrong and there is nothing wrong with you.
Keep on keeping on - you'll find someone great in all aspects later.
builtbybama_rolltide: Ted Bundy was charismatic, polite, good looking and would have appeared to be an all around good guy.
What this other Redditor is saying is true. Don’t beat yourself up over it, it could happen to anyone. My friend, a successful attorney and at the time the assistant attorney general fell for a guy and it turned he was wanted on homicide charges on the opposite coast. This is a woman with a Harvard education and she got duped by someone she thought was a good guy.
| 5 | 20.8 | |
1655844890 | 1655845377 | t3_vhnc9c | t5_2to41 | 6 | JohnnyCalibre: TIFU by not taking out my trash before going on vacation
This one pretty much explains itself. We’ve had a heat wave here in Ohio where I currently live. Some days have reached nearly 100 degrees for multiple days in a row, which isn’t your average summer here in the Midwest.
Anyway, I went on vacation for a week back to my hometown. Before I left, I shut off my air conditioning because I wouldn’t be there, and I didn’t want to waste money on my electric bill if I didn’t have to.
When I returned back to my small studio apartment, I opened the door and immediately almost threw up. I got absolutely ambushed by what I thought was the smell of a decomposing body. I quickly put my luggage down and put my shirt over my nose to attempt to combat the smell. I had no clue what was causing it. There have been some issues with critters in the walls here so I assumed one of them must have died.
Nope. I walked into my kitchen area and immediately knew what it was. I had thrown out some chicken from the freezer, along with some bagels that had gotten moldy and a few spoiled oranges. This was all during a fridge/freezer clean out that I normally do before long vacations. Usually, after this I would take the trash out to the dumpster in my parking lot. This time I forgot. The food had been sitting in 97+ degree heat for over a week. Nice.
The smell was unbearable. I took out the trash and returned to my apartment to find that the smell still permeated throughout the entire place. I frantically sprayed air freshener everywhere, opened a few windows, and lit some candles. I had returned pretty late at night so I went to bed with the smell still in my nose. I wake up this morning, and guess what, the smell hasn’t left the apartment. Just had a full day of work too, and I returned home today to the same terrible smell. It appears that I have truly screwed this up, because no matter what I do the smell will not go away.
Before you ask, yes I’m sure it’s the trash can. I’m positive. If you take one whiff in there, it smells like death. Ive sprayed and washed it to no avail. Looks like I need to buy a new one!
TL;DR I left spoiled food in my trash while on vacation and it festered in a tiny 97 degree apartment for a week. The smell is still here.
Gyngerbredman: Def need a new trash can. And get the air spray called Ozium. It works wonders on horrid smells. Douse your house with the spray before work and spray your air filter and let the air run all day. Should be good to go.
JohnnyCalibre: I’ve used ozium for covering certain….smoky smells….so I will definitely be buying that today
Gyngerbredman: That's what i started using it for in my vehicles. But then used it when I left trash in my house like you did and it worked great. I used almost the whole can. That's why I say spray before you leave for work, with how much I used I would've suffocated if I stated home.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1655846086 | 1655907209 | t3_vhns8q | t5_2to41 | 1,533 | Type2Noble: TIFU by getting pierced in my ass - update
Update: The doctor made a small incision to check for the splinter, but did not manage to find it. According to him the splinter is too close to blood vessels, so I have to wait for a surgeon to check it out.
Update2: After many hours of waiting, it was my turn. The surgeon cut up my ass, but only manged to find a small piece of the splinter, not the main piece. Because of all the waiting, the splinter managed to get deeper, and after trying for a while they decided that it was safer for the splinter to remain there than to cut more. Wtf. I asked if it was possible to locate the splinter with equipment, but supposedly wood doesn’t turn up show up on ultrasound or xray. So now I have a sore ass, one stitch and the splinter is still in my butt.
Angle of attack: [https://imgur.com/sH1i23K](https://imgur.com/sH1i23K)
Buckle your seatbelts because this one goes out to my poor ass. During my study-session a good friend wanted to take a break, so I decided why the hell not. I had been studying all day and was getting a bit tired. The sun was out too, so a break would be perfect. We go out for a walk, and on the way we see a playground. We thought it would be fun to relax and talk on those balance beams with those rubberwheels that go up and down, not sure what they’re called in English. So onwards we go, have a little chat while bouncing up and down, when it was time to dismount. Because I am a bit heavier than my friend, I had to “scooch” over towards the middle to offset my weight and BAM. I, a healthy straight male in his 20s, was penetrated for the first time. I yelp for my ancestral grandma and dismount, grabbing my buttocks all the while profanities escape my mouth left and right. I grab my ass and feel a splinter in my left butt cheek. There is no way I will manage to pull this splinter out by myself, I deduced. Luckily for me there was a certain someone nearby that could be of help. At this stage my friend has not realized the gravity of the situation. He looks at me all confused and I look him straight in the eye and tell him: “I need your help”.
So imagine two males in their 20s, walking towards a secluded, forested area, where one bends over, exposing his bare, naked pale ass and the other is examining it like it’s some forensic evidence. He feels around a little bit, while I’m holding back tears and going through the shame of a lifetime, and he straight up tells me to pull up my pants and that this rescue mission would be harder than imagined. “How hard” I ask. “Operation Jericho”The thing is, the splinter’s angle of attack penetrated my butt in such a way that it’s not close to the skin, but deeply impaled in my buttocks with no easy way to push it out. At this stage, I still have hope. I thank my friend for being my friend, realizing he’s a true champ and if he ever gets his ass pierced by a wooden splinter, I would not hesitate to check it out for him. So now I did what any healthy male in their 20s with wood stuck in his ass would do; I called my mother.
“hey uh, mom I need your help”
“hey son, what’s up”
“So uhh… I managed to get a splinter”
“no worries, just rinse and push it out”
“no you don’t understand, the splinter is in a… weird place.”
“weird place?”
“yes, it’s in my… ass”
“…”
“…”
Well onwards I go, heading straight home while pain is starting to kick in. Finally home, and finally I can get this splinter out, I think. Oh OP you poor lad, if only you knew. I lay down on the ground, pull my pants down, naked butt cheeks in the air, while my mother prepared a splinter removal kit consisting of a needle, a tweezer and some alcohol wipes. She starts attacking my ass relentlessly, pushing and poking needles here and there making me question if there was an unresolved feud between us. Even though I’m not religious I yelled for Jesus, Allah and Vishnu, hoping that if there was anything holy that exist in this world, now was the time for a miracle. After what felt like an eternity of a fencing match where only the opponent was armed, I fear for the worst. I sit on my knees while looking at mom and ask how the situation is and she straight up tells me the task was unsuccessful. Unsuccessful?? You made swiss cheese out of my bottocks! “Maybe you can sleep it off and it will come out by itself tomorrow” Sleep it off? Sleep it off you say?? I shed a tear.
I’ve heard stories of blood poisoning and sepsis from people randomly stepping on a nail or scratching their skin, am I joining those guys? “Here lies OP, died from a splinter in his ass”? No! I steel my resolve. If there is one person that will fight for this ass, it’s going to be me. So I do what any healthy male in their 20s in my situation would do after getting unsuccessful help from their mom. I call my sister.
“hey sis, you got time?”
“uhhh, not really, I’m heading to a party-
“No! Fuck the party, this is a medical emergency!”
So my sister drops her plans, comes over and my bare naked butt is attacked once more.“Bro this is deep”. O’ cursed spite that ever I was born to be pierced in the ass! How the hell can a splinter penetrate so deep? At this ordeal I’m losing hope, imagining myself to be the only lad in history that has been so unlucky to be penetrated by a wooden splinter in the rear melons. I google my situation and lo and behold, I’m not alone! Other people have been penetrated too! I find solace in that and salute my fallen comrades. With a butt cheek that is turning redder by the minute, and a sister that is fighting a losing battle, it becomes awfully clear. I’ve already exposed my naked butt to three people and it won’t stop there. I call the emergency services and explain my situation.
“Where is the splinter located?”
“In… my butt.”
“In… your butt?”
I pick up my queue ticket and after hours of excruciating rear-end pain, I go the service desk and explain, and I can see on their face that they imagine it to be a quick fix. Oh how wrong you are. After dying of embarrassment, I manage to bend over, exposing my cherry bottom to the nurse. She feels my ass and goes: yes this is deep. I KNOW IT’S DEEP JUST HELP ME PLEASE. After a while she straight up tells me that they can help, but that I have to wait 5 hours until they have time for a professional to check it out because it’s not seen as an emergency. Lady. My ass is pierced. This is an emergency! I argue with tears in my eyes to no avail. So here I am, sitting only on one side of my butt cheeks waiting for my appointment, losing out on quality study time. People, please cherish your butts.
TL;DR
got a wooden splinter in my ass, exposed my rear to several people without getting successful help, waited several hours for medical help, surgeons arrive but only manage to get out a small piece and not the main piece because it’s deep, and now I have to live with a splinter in my butt
blueyork: Haven't laughed so hard since the sugar free gummy bear review.
Norcine: I don’t know this one. Link?
hkprimary: Look up Amazon reviews for Haribo sugar free gummy bears
blueyork: [Hell Holds No Surprises for Me Anymore](https://www.amazon.com/review/RZFIYJTPVUZ94) this is my favorite
JamieDrone: LMAOOO
| 6 | 255.5 | |
1655849261 | 1655850045 | t3_vhoz6y | t5_2to41 | 28 | awkward_bisexual: TIFU by snooping through my mother's messages
[removed]
wyedamnit: The truth is that you don’t really know either of your parents as well as you think you do. It sucks that you had to find the msgs but it really is in everyone’s best interest to pretend you didn’t. There’s no right answer for this, both options are losing propositions so it’s best to pretend it didn’t happen & move on. Don’t use her phone again.
awkward_bisexual: Yeah, I am probably going to try to forget it ever happened, I don't see how it would help to bring this up.
| 3 | 9.333333 | |
1655847072 | 1655935345 | t3_vho5vk | t5_2to41 | 195 | Cozziechov: TIFU by not paying attention to my surroundings while driving
Happened to me earlier today. Was on my way home from the doctor's office sitting at a light with a few cars in front of me and a dump truck slightly ahead of me to my left. Traffic light turns green for me, and the cars in front of me start to turn right then stop. I was already set on going around them, and proceed as I normally do through an intersection. I caught an ambulance out of the corner of my eye, barreling through the intersection. I immediately slam on my brakes, and narrowly avoid causing an accident. After a moment to let my brain register what happened, I slowly backed up to let the ambulance through. The look on the EMTs face made me feel awful and ashamed. He mouthed or possibly shouted "C'mon man!!!???" I didn't even hear it coming! I still feel awful. I'm normally a good driver and always pay attention, have two hands on the wheel almost all the time, etc. Always pay attention to your surroundings kids and read the road! If several vehicles are stopped around you, maybe look around and listen before going.
TL;DR: OP almost gets into an accident with a ambulance cause he didn't pay attention to his surroundings
UnadvertisedAndroid: I saved a turtle in the road today by paying attention to my surroundings. Helped the dude get to the other side, where the pound was, so he didn't become street pizza for the birds.
GrimmauldPlace12: My husband ran over a turtle on the highway last week :(
crazytomm: I let my grass grow out. So when I was pushing my little mower this weekend and hit something which stop the blade and motor. When I moved the mower it was a bunch of tiny baby bunny's in the grass. I feel like the worst person in the world. It's still haunting me
GrimmauldPlace12: Oh no :(
| 5 | 39 | |
1655850096 | 1655905052 | t3_vhpa9b | t5_2to41 | 120 | Jeditaedae: TIFU by peeing on the back of my pants
So this happened today, at work of all places.
I have been on this drinking water kick lately at work where I will drink 4+ water bottles a day. So about an hour of coming back from lunch, I got this massive urge to drain the snake. So I headed to bathroom into one of the stalls because I felt gas/poop coming also.
Go into the stall, pulled down pants, and sat down to pee/fart/poop and all of a sudden, I feel warm wet on my leg. I look down and see my penis aiming straight at my leg and the back of my pants. So I now have the massive puddle on the floor as well. What makes this even better is that there is a person on the stall next to me.
So here I am, not fucking moving from the stall until no one is in the bathroom. I high tail it out, email my boss about needing to go home and left while trying to not draw attention to the massive wet spot on my ass and crotch. I even had my pants down around my ankles as I drove home because I didn't want to sit in it. Luckily when I got home, no neighbors were out so I could run the in house halfway pants down.
Tl:DR not paying attention while talking a massive piss and got pee the back of my pants.
sirunmixalot: Dang bro. That sucks.
Jeditaedae: Getting old sucks
Itchy-Profession-725: Always be careful where you aim and stick that thing. If you're not it'll get you in trouble every time!
| 4 | 30 | |
1655853014 | 1655854531 | t3_vhqbgg | t5_2to41 | 59 | sailboatssink: TIFU by leaving a plastic bowl with popcorn remnants on my counter top
I have a 6 y/o generally well behaved Australian cattle dog that free roams my house when I’m not home, as he isn’t crate trained (we tried, but he was a rescue and wasn’t having it.) Normally we have almost zero issues leaving him out, aside from very minor mischief from time to time (getting into food scraps if left out, etc.)
I was running late to work the other day, and noticed there was a big plastic bowl beside my sink that had a tiny bit of popcorn remnants in it. I thought about quickly cleaning it and putting it away, but decided I’d leave it until I got home. I pushed it out of the way thinking it was sufficient distance on the counter to keep my dog from getting at it (I also have a cat, but he doesn’t bother with stuff on the counters and is pretty good with not jumping on them.) My sink is adjacent by my stove top, which is an electric ceramic stove.
I was sitting at work after a meeting when I see a Facebook message from a ‘fire fighter’ telling me to call them. With the scams going on out there, I brushed it off thinking that’s what it was… until I receive a phone call from my boyfriend moments later notifying me that there’s a fire in my house and that the fire department breached my door. My boyfriend instantly asks me if I left my flat iron on (it’s an automatic shut off, and I triple check to unplug it) but I knew that’s not what caused it. No other details. I frantically leave my office to get home as quickly as possible. When I get to my house, the fire department is gone, my front door is kicked in, and my boyfriend is holding the plastic bowl that was left out. Low and behold… my dog nearly burned the house down trying to get at the bowl.
He moved the bowl over to the oven, onto the left front burner, must have had his paw on one of the knobs (pushing it in,) slipped off and turned the stove top on with the plastic bowl on top of it. Luckily, a neighbour walked by, saw the smoke billowing out of my front window and called 911. If they never acted as quickly as they did, it could have been a different story.
I’ve since taken the knobs off my stove, and have ordered child proof stove button protectors to prevent this from happening again. It was a wild Monday.
TL;DR: TIFU by leaving a plastic bowl on the counter, to which my dog moved onto my stove top burner, turned on the burner and nearly burned my house down.
Kxvtr: Do firefighters typically contact people through Facebook? Odd
sailboatssink: This was my thought, too. Turns out it was legitimate. They must have gotten my name from something in my house, but I’m not really sure.
| 3 | 19.666667 | |
1655855204 | 1656015269 | t3_vhr1x3 | t5_2to41 | 16,654 | Mel_Behaved: TIFU Believing ‘Emergency Cock’ was a real expression.
English is not my first language and I was living in an Anglophone province where I was putting my English to good use while learning expressions like “it’s a piece of cake” or “hold your horses” since expressions are not always obvious. One day on this topic, my coworkers convinced me that the expression “emergency cock” meant that you save something for an emergency, like stashing chocolate in your desk for a major craving or keeping an umbrella in your car in case it rains. I thought it made sense and didn’t think anything of it.
So I began to use this expression in my daily life. One occasion I remember going on date during a hike and pulling out a thin tubular flashlight when my date asked me what it was for I mentioned it was my emergency cock. They didn’t say anything about it, blushed and the date ended awkwardly.
The worst occurrence was during a meeting with a client, I had mentioned that it would be a good idea to purchase additional support on their website package as their emergency cock. The client got me to repeat that a few times, obviously confused and a bit uncomfortable. My coworkers were there. They got real quiet and took me aside after the meeting to let me know they had lied about the expression that I had been using for a full year.
I was and still am beyond embarrassed.
TL;DR I was convinced that Emergency Cock was a common English expression and used it for about a year in my day to day life including with clients at work.
MuskyLion: Welp, your coworkers are massive assholes.
Cheshire_Jester: Normally I’m all for a few harmless workplace shenanigans, but this is one of those ones that’s just kinda cruel as it doesn’t have simple punchline where you get to see the person doing the thing and have a laugh, then explain that it was a prank and move on with your life.
This takes advantage of someone’s (understandable) ignorance and then sends them out into the world armed with some very incorrect knowledge of something they don’t understand but are likely to use in everyday scenarios. And a lot of people are likely to be offended by the person saying it, when the person saying it doesn’t understand that it’s potentially offensive.
Mel_Behaved: Yeah I don’t think they realized that I had added the expression to my repertoire. Haha they honestly forgo about it until I used it at the office. But you’re right!
Cheshire_Jester: I mean, that’s the thing, if it’s not vicious, it’s dickishly short sighted.
Like, a gag is supposed to have a setup and a fairly immediate pay off, IE, “Hey, go down to supply and get us some chemlight batteries.” In this case you’re sending someone to go ask another co-worker for a thing that doesn’t exist (chemlights are just glow sticks and don’t take batteries), so when the other person stares at them blankly or tells them it’s not a thing, you all have a laugh and then go on with your lives.
So like, they needed to clue you in to the joke really early on this one.
Grayhawk845: We got issued lazerbrites.... Fucking chemlights that DO take batteries.
Tridon_Terrafold: Then it is not a chem light, just a light stick... I'm so confused, sorry if I'm wrong.
Cheshire_Jester: No, you’re right. They’re just light sticks intended to do the job of chemlights. As someone in a profession that uses a lot of chemlights, they never really took on with us. Basically just the worst of all worlds in terms of what you’re looking to get out of a chemlight.
Grayhawk845: They sucked for deployment. It was easier to use chemlights that we had pallets of, than trying to find cr2032 batteries. But in my civvie life I actually find them useful. Sometimes I need a light to mark myself on the side of a road at night in rural areas. But it's only for 10 minutes or so, a chemlight would be a waste in this instance, but these lazerbrites work for that.
Cheshire_Jester: In that instance, yes, I absolutely see the value in them, and in a lot of other applications really, where losing the damn thing isn’t likely to happen, and when you don’t need tons of them.
I just find it kinda funny that people call them “battery powered chemlights”, because, they aren’t. They serve a similar purpose but just because something is a colored stick that lights up, that doesn’t make it a chemlight.
Grayhawk845: Lol. I agree with you.
| 11 | 1,514 | |
1655858469 | 1655875223 | t3_vhs5nk | t5_2to41 | 9 | Evening_Raisin7569: Tifu by having a good heart and being naive
This happened today, I was at a gas station pumping my gas, and this guy comes up to me and asks if I have any cash cuz he needs gas to get back home. Usually I don’t even think about entertaining these things but something about this was different. I’m in the pnw and he said he needed gas money to get back to Chicago so he needs like $400. Ok that sounds pretty legit. They were in a new Ford Explorer and he has his “wife” and 3 kids in the car with him. I’m a sucker when it comes to children. I was extremely hesitant, (as I’m typing this all out I’m punching myself over this.) then he hands me a ring and a chain he says I’ll give you this for the money and right then and there I was like fuck no and walked away. He was like no no wait come here, he starts scratching at it with a knife and it was still “solid” gold all the way through. So I was like ok that looks pretty real. Mind you I know nothing about jewelry I was just gonna pawn it. So my dumbass said fuck it and gave him $400 for a fake ring and necklace. Took it to the pawn shop set it on the counter the guy looked at it said fake and proceeded to tell me pretty much exactly what the scammer said to me and then pulls out a bag of the same shit that I had and said wanna add to my collection? I just stood there shaking my head gave him the jewelry. He grabbed my arm while I was leaving and said “so don’t let this stop you from being the good person you are” and I just laughed said thanks and walked out. I’m so disappointed in myself. I knew I was taking a risk in doing this but I’m pretty well off right now and if that guy was really trying to get back home then I’d like to think I helped out that family. I know it was fake but it makes it sting a little less. Don’t be a dumbass like me and just give your money to random strangers cuz they say they need help. Hard lesson learned today.
TL;DR: gave a guy $400 cuz he needed gas money to get home and “lost” his wallet. Gave me a fake gold chain and ring.
Scrapz85: Sum it up as a lesson learned. You legit wanted to be helpful. My rule is don’t hand out cash. Help in another way.
Evening_Raisin7569: I do that as well. Homeless person? I’ll offer to buy them some food. If they’re grateful they’re actually hungry if they’re not they pass. But this one just felt different. 9 times out of 10 my gut feelings are right and I had a gut feeling that these people genuinely needed help. Now that I’m saying all this out loud and just rethinking it, it’s obviously a scam. Like you said lesson learned
builtbybama_rolltide: My dad taught me a valuable lesson early on in life. He taught me it was better to be scammed 9 out of 10 times than miss helping the one person that truly needed help because you have been burned in the past.
Case in point there was a homeless woman that used to panhandle outside Starbucks every morning. I would always buy her a breakfast sandwich and a coffee when I went through. She was always grateful and told me so every time. One day I had the urge to give her $100 in cash. I generally have a rule to not give cash but the feeling was very strong, I couldn’t shake the feeling so I went to the ATM before Starbucks. When I handed her the money she broke down crying. She told me that $100 was the exact amount she needed to finally move into her own apartment. She was afraid she wouldn’t make it and she only had that day left to come up with it before they gave it to another person. She said I need to call my caseworker and get to the apartment office. I gave her a ride to her caseworker and she’s now become a friend. She’s doing well, has been in her place for 5 ish years now, working and has her life in order. She’s always told me that she is forever grateful I took a chance and listened to my gut. It wasn’t a huge amount of money to me but to her it was large enough to change her life. You never know when it appears like a scam you really are helping someone better their lives. Just make sure to only give what you can afford to lose.
lelediamandis: The "urge" to do something without understanding why is usually a sign from our spirit guides. The fact that 100$ was the exact amount she needed tells me this wasn't a coincidence
| 5 | 1.8 | |
1655859599 | 1655864027 | t3_vhsj1c | t5_2to41 | 12 | CricketInvasion: TIFU by having too long butt hair
The fuck up happened yesterday morning when I took my morning dump, huge one I might add. I sat on the toilet like I normally do, nothing unusual. As the poop was getting out of me I felt a weird sensation on my ass, kinda like when you pull on your body hair. After a minute or two, I felt something swinging down there as I readjusted on the toilet seat. Using my high intelligence and immaculate deduction I came to a conclusion that some piece of shit got stuck in my ass hair and was getting a free amusement park ride. The mere thought of that happening was disgusting. I wiggled my butt one more time to make sure I was right. Yep, there it was swinging like a pendulum.
All I needed to do now was get it out and wipe. Easier said than done. After contemplating my strategy for a bit it was clear that standing up is not an option. Took a bit more toilet paper than usual, wrapped it around my hand and went in through the front door, moving my dick out of the way so to not get piss on my hand. Little did I know piss was the least of my worries. I grabbed the freeloader that was too nitty to pay the ticket, pulled quite hard, ripping a few hairs out and squishing him in the process. Of course my positioning was a bit off and I felt a creamy warm paste on my finger. Took a quick look and wiped my finger off.
After wiping myself the best I could, I got out and made breakfast. Just kidding, got in the shower to clean myself, only to realize that the boiler was off and I had very little hot water. One long lukewarm shower later, I was squeaky clean with the intention to not repeat this shitty ordeal.
TL;DR While I was taking a dump, a piece of shit got stuck in my ass hair and was swinging from it like a pendulum.
LurkeyCat: You need a bidet bro
CricketInvasion: I wanna get one but my bathroom is too small. There is only a toilet and a small sink. The bathtub and a normal sink are in the other bathroom.
LurkeyCat: I got you man. Check out a Brondell Swash. They just replace your reg. Seat and installs in a jiffy.
CricketInvasion: I actually ran across something like that at some point I just don't know if I can afford it atm.
Spirited-Reputation6: Think long term. $50 now will save you hundreds in TP. Also, soap and water for your shitty hands
| 6 | 2 | |
1655855657 | 1656032140 | t3_vhr77h | t5_2to41 | 47 | Bwyanfwanigan: TIFU by throwing a plank and my back at work.
I'm a shipwright and am currently starting to put planks in the port side of a 123 year old wood oyster boat. The boat is owned by a company that has a stockpile of white oak. There is a guy who basically coordinates things between my business and the company. He was a shipwright but fell out of a tree hunting, so he can't do much. Well he is leaving for a week so today we needed to go through the planks I have and figure out what he needed to go pick out so I can finish planking. We flipped the planks off the saw horses and got the measurements and numbered the planks and then he left. Then he called and said they were on the way back.
So, I grabbed one end of the top plank and picked it up and threw it back on the saw horse. It was sort of a sideways throw. Oh, they are heavy. 2 and a half inch thick, 16 inch wide and 24 feet long.
My lower back is wrecked, it hurts to move. Tomorrow is going to suck because I have to run those boards through the planer and start planking the boat.
TL;DR picked up a board way to heavy and threw it sideways thus hurting my back
yositheyoster: Now you’re the shipwright who fell out of a tree. Except you sorta jumped.
Anyway, feel better!
Bwyanfwanigan: I laughed at this last night, but it hurt to laugh so I didn't comment. Today sucked...
Madmahi25: I hope you get better soon !!! Please go visit a doctor as soon as you can !
Bwyanfwanigan: Thanks. I've not been to a doctor in years...
Madmahi25: Better late than never !
| 6 | 7.833333 | |
1655860189 | 1655862638 | t3_vhspwk | t5_2to41 | 18 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #19!! Got a story to share? Come and share it on TIFU Talks!
OutwithaYang: TIFU by telling a mother the donuts she was trying to get were for fathers, I guess.
So, Sunday morning my church was having a Father's Day celebration where they were handing out free donuts to the dads, and one lady was about to take a donut and I asked her if she was going to get a donut for her husband, then I informed her that they have the donuts for fathers, and she took one anyway saying "I'm a dad".
And I was like "Okay, sure"🙂After that one of the pastors came to me and was like "I know you wanted to specify, but if someone wants to get a donut, let them get a donut." I know he wasn't yelling at me or anything, but he still singled me out in front of everyone by talking to me after about what I told her, when I was just following orders.
Like, is he serious? He made me feel like I did something wrong when our team leader told us to let people know, and that the donuts were for fathers since it was Father's Day. Usually when not enough donuts are being served by the end of the first hour of church service, that's when the team leads bend the rules and start letting everyone have donuts.
So, I wouldn't have minded if that were the case, but they told me for the first hour it was "Dads only". I get it if there are single moms who always feel like "they have to be the mom AND the dad" in their households, but we already have a Mother's Day to celebrate them and their efforts. Thing is, I felt singled out by the pastor for just trying to do my job for the hour and let people know like I was told, and it bugs me that he came to me after she left and while other people started coming to get donuts.
It made me feel like I did something really wrong when I was just letting people know like I was told. I wasn't trying to offend anyone😢 Once he told me that, I was like "Oh, okay", and tried to stay chipper throughout the whole hour, but the entire time I felt a little embarrassed, since he told me this in front of all the guests coming by.
And I wasn't trying to embarrass the woman by mentioning that, I was told by my team lead to inform people that these donuts were for fathers. So it left me wondering if I came off as assholish for telling her that.
JC1812: Post this to the subreddit and share it! :)
OutwithaYang: Is this not the r/TIFU subreddit?
JC1812: It is. :) This is the comment section for the talk, so not many people will see it. :)
| 5 | 3.6 | |
1655860859 | 1655861173 | t3_vhsxhn | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: TIFU in middle school
[deleted]
iHomelessMonkey: I'm kinda at a loss for words...
You know that it's not your fault, right?
FarmStriking5690: Technically it was
| 3 | 0.333333 | |
1655860101 | 1655920736 | t3_vhsozg | t5_2to41 | 59 | teensysnek: TIFU by engaging in small talk in the elevator at work
This happened this morning while I was going to work.
I'm generally a pretty shy person, and I keep to myself unless someone initiates a conversation with me first. As a result of not going out all that often and carrying myself in a more reserved manner, I'm typically not approached by people, which is cool with me. As I'm stepping into the elevator, a man comes in behind me and says hello once we're inside. He then asks me if I work for [company]. I say yes and we exchange names and some small talk, he shakes my hand. Right as we're getting to my floor and the elevator doors are opening, he stops me and asks me if I want to hang out sometime. I was completely caught off guard and short circuited.
Now instead of just letting him know I have a boyfriend, I kind of panicked because I had approximately 3 seconds before the elevator doors were going to close. I did the kind of nervous/awkward laugh and stepped out of the elevator while he was still inside, and I heard him say "oh, okay" in a dejected voice while the elevator doors closed. From his perspective, I just laughed and walked out of the elevator. I'M SO EMBARRASSED, THIS HAPPENED 9 HOURS AGO AND I'M STILL CRINGING. I see people say "the worst thing she can say is no" and here I am awkwardly laughing and WALKING AWAY after being approached. On one hand I hope I never see him again, but on the other hand I want the chance to explain myself because I feel so bad for how I reacted.
Random guy from my building, if you see this, I'm so sorry and I wasn't laughing at you, I'm just awkward and I didn't know what to do 😭
TL;DR - Engaged in small talk in the elevator with a man from my building. He expressed interest in me right as I was getting on my floor, and my awkward ass didn't say anything, laughed nervously, and stepped out of the elevator because I panicked.
anon5005: I think your response was perfect. As a representative guy, I'm pleased that you didn't hurt his feelings in the sense of making him feel bad about himself (like in the Linda Rostadt song, 'I ain't sayin you ain't pretty'), but also you genuinely expressed being upset at his approach, he saw it and got dejected about how he did the wrong thing, but he got dejected for exactly the right reasons.
&nbsp;
It was a messed-up thing what he did, but you were perfect, you didn't make a big deal about it and report him to HR and try to get him fired, but you got embarrassed on his behalf. That is so perfect. A bit taking on his problems, but that is generous too. And I think he learned his lesson in a good way.
TrippHazard: > It was a messed-up thing what he did, but you were perfect, you didn't make a big deal about it and report him to HR and try to get him fired, but you got embarrassed on his behalf. That is so perfect. A bit taking on his problems, but that is generous too. And I think he learned his lesson in a good way.
As a guy, I would never want to be laughed at after reaching out to another human being for simple social interaction. So please tell me what the “wrong thing” he did here was.
Was it asking to hang out? Is that messed up?
Was it trying to talk to someone in an elevator?
Which of these is the fire-able offense that could have been taken to HR in your view?
anon5005: >You wrote: As a guy, I would never want to be laughed at after reaching out to another human being for simple social interaction. So please tell me what the “wrong thing” he did here was.
&nbsp;
Just to clarify, she didn't laugh at him, she showed being embarrassed and not knowing what to say in time before the doors closed. Anyway, onto your main question, if you were a young girl working in an office building, and nearly every conversation was about the fact you are a girl and a guy is speaking to you, angling for you to be attracted to him, checking you out, etc, it would be really really wearing. It is funny how times change. I never considered myself to be a feminist, but if you look at that video where Margaret Hamilton (wicked witch of the west) is on Sesame street, the male presenter is actually touching up the female presenter on camera, and she is needing to jump out of the way or bat his hand away from her breast. For a while he has his arm around her shoulder, hanging his hand just where it barely touches her breast, as if to say "I have a right to put my hand here." So, just for a reduction of awfulness, there are conventions that in a work setting, you should assume that any conversations are platonic and not based on gender attraction, and if a guy happens to feel attracted to a girl in an elevator, to keep that private. There would always be opportunities to explore partnerships, but that exploring has to take a backseat to the day-to-day business that actually is on a woman's mind. Main point, the guy in the elevator wasn't thinking, "Is she the new vice president? I wonder what she does? ." He was reacting only to her appearance, and thinking "Oh she looks attractive. I wonder if she's available? I wonder if she wants to go out with me." It is fine to think those things, but it is really really demeaning to think that this is the conversation she is going to want to have with every random colleague.
&nbsp;
>You wrote: Was it asking to hang out? Is that messed up?
&nbsp;
It was really messed-up to do that based only on her appearance. when the first meeting was just because they both had to use the same elevator. It was intruding into her personal life way more than the circumstances call for. If they worked together, maybe after a while a guy could get some idea if their personalities seem compatible in a special way, if she has someone special. But, being in an elevator and liking a woman's appearance, and deciding to try for a date, that is really awful.
&nbsp;
>You wrote: Was it trying to talk to someone in an elevator?
&nbsp;
The elevator is especially creepy because there is forced physical closeness already which she had not chosen, and it is creepy that these are not even two acquaintances. It is not too different from how guys at building sites shout down to women on the street, here in England, "Hey darling, fancy a shag?" or "Nice tits!" It corresponds really closely with that.
&nbsp;
>You wrote: Which of these is the fire-able offense that could have been taken to HR in your view?
&nbsp;
I do NOT think she should have gone to HR (unless lots of guys were doing this), however, I should say, I am banned from TwoXChromosomes for suggesting, when a husband and wife were arguing about how much to torque the oil plug in their car, that they just get a torque wrench instead of her letting him over-torque it. In TwoXChromosomes there is a consensus that an appproach like this needs to be stopped and is really horrible. I think it is horrible but unintentionally so, and the guy already learned his lesson when he saw how it made OP uncomfortable instead of making her feel nice.
&nbsp;
And I felt almost kind-of emotional about the kindness of OP wondering if she'd done anything wrong, being that un-confrontational.
Grinchypantzzz: Average r/femaledatingstrategy member
anon5005: Not that it matters....I wondered if it made sense to view TrippHazard as similar to my autistic kid when he was about 18 years old. He also had a friend who got in trouble with the police fo asking a work colleage "Would you like a full-body snowsuit?" and then when a full body snowsuit from Amazon arrived unexpectedly at her house, she phoned the police.
&nbsp;
Some people can be very intelligent and perceptive, but need social conventions to be explicitly explained.
| 6 | 9.833333 | |
1655862876 | 1655933285 | t3_vhtk4r | t5_2to41 | 83 | chungus-inhaler: TIFU showing my research group countless tabs full of furry/vore porn
Right off the bat, no I am not into furry or vore or anything.
Okay so I live with 3 roommates in an apartment near the campus of the college I attend. We have a giant TV that my roommate got from her older brother. We often watch movies together on the big screen at night, and I have Netflix and Hulu and everything so I’m usually the one to hook up my laptop with an hdmi cord.
We finished a few episodes of sex education on Netflix and got in the topic of fetishes. We were all quite a bit drunk and started sharing our interests, until the last one of us shared that he’s into furry porn and vore. Not being people to judge, we were chill about it. He even offered to pull up his deviantart page on the big screen. He did (I made sure he used an incognito window) and ngl it was a little weird seeing my friend’s porn interests but we all laughed about it, including him. The topic of conversation eventually shifted and my laptop went to sleep. Later I drunkenly got in bed and slept peacefully ignorant of what was coming.
The next day I got ready for my day, packed up my laptop and went to the lab. We usually go around and share what we’ve been working on so after a couple other students go, it’s my turn. I whip out my laptop, hook it up to the projector and lo and behold, furry and vore shit all over. The students all started snickering and the 60-something-year-old professor had the widest eyes I’d ever seen. I just about died of embarrassment on the spot.
What do you even do in that situation? How do you explain that? “Oh yeah, this isn’t mine, this is my friend’s porn. He’s got the niche fetishes not me.” Then they’re just gonna ask why I was watching this porn with him!!
The worst part is one of the other undergrads dm’ed me later to tell me he’s also into vore. Now he’s all excited bc he thinks the girl in his lab has the same fetish as him…
TL;DR: my roommate pulled up his furry/vore porn on my laptop and now my whole research group thinks it was my porn
wormfighter: What's vore porn?
GreatMacaw98: You don't wanna know
wormfighter: Good to know! Ok don't want to know.
Zeracannatule: So you know how Mr. Slave shoves Lemmiwinks the gerbil up his ass. Well imagine that, but instead he's swallowing the gerbil whole...
You know how Jonah got stuck in that whale... well, I imagine that hypothetically there was someone 3000 years ago that had a vore fetish. And would sexually pleasure themselves to the thought of a giant whale eating a person, or a person eating a small creature whole.
I have been informed that "The more you know" is the proper response. So yes good human, you are welcome for the information. No thanks are necessary.
| 5 | 16.6 | |
1655864102 | 1656119764 | t3_vhtycq | t5_2to41 | 7 | BigStunGun: TIFU by ruining a good friendship
I'm a shit talker and only talk shit to people I actually care about mostly, it's been a bit of a coping mechanism for years to avoid dealing with emotional damage from a fucked up childhood.
This happened a few months ago, I did my usual smack talk but hit a sensitive nerve on a friend and they did the same to me. I couldn't handle my own medicine and just flat out ignored this person for months. I of course felt bad, but I let my own pride get in the way of admitting I was in any wrong and tried to shift all the blame on the other person.
I know it got to them for a bit, but I think at this point they're over it and won't accept my apology. It keeps me up at night and when I think about it I smack myself for being such a fool.
It's one of those things that honestly keeps me up at night thinking about how I can fix this and I'm afraid I ignored it too long and Iost a good friend.
TL;DR I'm a shit talker who got a taste of his own medicine. Got angry and completely ignored a good friend making group get togethers with mutual friends awkward. I let the problem go on far too long and I'm afraid I can't repair the friendship
Excaliber540: That sucks man. Honestly just coming at this as a stranger I would say the best thing to do is just be honest with them and maybe just literally show them this post. It seems like your heart is in the right place
BigStunGun: Thanks,I reached out pretty recently but haven't gotten a response. Im gonna give them some time in case they didn't see it or need time to think it over.
Not gonna lie I was starting to tear up writing the post. Pride is guys biggest enemy sometimes, no wonder it's a deadly sin.
DiceCubed1460: I’m gonna be brutally honest with you, if a friend of mine started insulting me on personal stuff for no reason and then ignored me for 2 whole months for retaliating, I probably wouldn’t want to be friends with them again. At all. You’d have to somehow show that you would never do something of the sort ever again. Because that’s incredibly immature and maladaptive.
I would recommend jumping right off the deep end in this case. I used to get into a lot of pointless arguments as well. Just apologize as soon as you realize you’re in the wrong, even if it’s at a horrible timing. The other person might be bitter for a little while but they’ll appreciate it. And it makes it so you never end up in a situation like this ever again. So next time you realize you’re in the wrong in an argument, make it a point to apologize right then and there instead of making excuses, deflecting, or being bitter. It will feel very embarassing at first but only because you’re not used to it. Once you’ve done it a few times it gets a lot easier.
Take a page from Uncle Iroh: “Pride is not the opposite of shame, but it's source. True humility is the only antidote to shame.”
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1655864577 | 1655870694 | t3_vhu40l | t5_2to41 | 13 | Beneficial-Position2: TIFU by shutting my blinds the wrong way
I'm gonna make this short. I live in the one story house in my bedroom window faces out towards the street. My dad always told me to close the blinds up that way people can see inside. Today I was outside getting the trash cans and I had the bedroom light on and I noticed that you could just barely make out what was on the TV screen.
I walked up to my window and I could move my head up-and-down and make out the inside. My heart sank. I realized someone could see me if they got close enough 🙃.
Now we do have motion sensors on the outside of my house so if someone approached my window they would go off and I would notice. The only thing bringing me some sort of solace is that is that the street I live on is practically dead is practically dead all the time so there's that.
TLDR: today I fucked up by shutting the blinds wrong and potentially letting my neighbors see me.
Edit: Typo. Thanks for pointing that out. 👍
coldgator: Why did your dad want people to be able to see inside?
KeepTangoAndFoxtrot: I think it's a typo. Should say **can't** see inside.
Surely it's a typo...
Beneficial-Position2: It was a typo. 😆
kuh-tea-uh: …but closing your blinds up makes it so people CAN see inside…why would he tell you to close them up? Bizarre.
Beneficial-Position2: I don't know I used to close them down and then one night he told me to close them the other way.
kuh-tea-uh: Oh wait, I was picturing closing them “up” as the inside part of the blinds pointing up. This is hard to explain haha.
| 7 | 1.857143 | |
1655871483 | 1655922766 | t3_vhune9 | t5_2to41 | 4 | Holthe1994: It also depends on experience level. When I first started using cannabis I was almost always alone at home, now… fuck it lol. I did indoor skydiving high and it was amazing, movies, long boarding, drives as a passenger are way better! I work as a fire fighter and I’ll never show up there stoned unless it’s for a bbq or social event. Too much risk. I have done lifesaving measures impaired and can do them without any issue, but on duty is a whole other can of worms it’s super illegal and not worth risking the $15K it cost me to go through the academy where I live.
AWholeBunchaFun: Longboarding while high is something few people get to enjoy. +1
Holthe1994: It’s a wonderful experience!
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1655867113 | 1655955139 | t3_vhuxla | t5_2to41 | 28 | KoreanSwans: TIFU when my non-english speaking grandma walked in on me
TIFU when my non-english speaking grandma walked in on me.
Just as the title says, My grandparents have been living with me for a couple of weeks and when they left they house for the first time in a while I thought to myself “well I have time”, and as I’m doing the deed she walks in on me, peeking her head into my room and then leaving without saying a word. I didn’t realize she was there until I stopped and her head left the door frame.
This has made everything incredibly awkward as I have no way of communicating with her or what she is thinking. I don’t know if this has shattered her image of me or if she doesn’t care at all. I’m also a little scared what this event might cause considering my grandparents are very old and I don’t want to be the reason she passes (might be a bit overdramatized)
Also, my religious parents are also dropping by which makes me a little embarrassed as I won’t know if she is telling them she walked in on me or not since I don’t speak the language.
TL DR; my grandma who doesn’t speak english walked in on me and its really awkward right now.
Any advice? Whats the best course of action?
Rolmbo: I think you have nothing to worry about we're all human.
crazybutthole: You are crazy. This guys grandma might die and always be wondering what OP was doing when she walked in.
I think OP should use google translator to write a long letter to his grandma in her native tongue. And just in case she doesn't see the one hanging on the fridge just leave a few dozen copies laying around in various places through out the house. Ideally if you add pictures - they really are worth a thousand words.
Rolmbo: Do you honestly think she hasn't encountered this somewhere throughout her long life? You must be a really sheltered person. Have a great day
Tryhard696: I think it’s satire
| 5 | 5.6 | |
1655866319 | 1655926180 | t3_vhuog9 | t5_2to41 | 7 | Psychological-Gap623: TIFU by not seeing a stranger when I was peeing
So I was at an old quarry with my friends and basically there’s this group of “travellers” that lives nearby (this is important later.) We headed to this huge waterfall and planned to mess around, climb rocks, play poker and barbecue.
So at the bottom of the waterfall there’s like a big pool, and then the water is all dispersed through large and flat rocks on a shallow river bed, but there are two sort of tiers of this waterfall with the higher tier being about 20ft up from the part we were in.
So we swam around for a bit and then walked across some rocks to a dry patch in the middle where we started to grill some food. I don’t know maybe it was all the running water BUT I NEEDED TO PEE RIGHT THEN. So I say to my friends hey I’ll be back in a sec just because Im a shy pee-er.
So I head back across to the pool and just whip the thing out and im just trying to remind myself that there’s no one around so I can get my junk to relieve my bladder. Eyes closed, everything for a solid 2/3 minutes, and I think maybe if I look at the flowing water I’ll start to pee? So I open my eyes and BAM there’s a traveller woman and a guy up on the second tier watching me.
It occurs to me that this woman has been like staring at me for a solid 2 minutes and I put the dude away and wave up and apologise and she started laughing uncontrollably.
TL/DR: Didn’t check where I was pissing and became an exhibitionist briefly.
OkVolume1: Was the woman laughing at you peeing or at your junk? That's the real question here.
Psychological-Gap623: IT WAS COLD OKAY?!
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1655882296 | 1655932481 | t3_vhywtc | t5_2to41 | 12 | yay__me: I hear ya, but that was their life. And I can't just make it ours, you know? And I don't want to. It wouldn't be natural. He just lived a different life with her. He was younger then, and we all change. I think his past hurt has changed him, and I just need to accept that.
Scarboroughwarning: I don't mean a carbon copy... Perhaps I ballsed up the explanation.
I haven't seen the letters. But, it there are things you want, try them.
yay__me: Yeah, it's complicated. Ha. But I get what you're saying.
Scarboroughwarning: Good luck
yay__me: Thank you
Useful_Experience423: INFO: How old were you both when you got together and has he knocked off the behaviour that was ‘a lot more than I (you) probably should have’ put up with?
yay__me: I was 18 and we have about a 10yr difference between us. And yes. We still have our spats but, they aren't like they were. Our relationship has definitely gotten more healthy over the years. But he still struggles a lot with his mental health and past trauma, I guess. I think I just miss the person he was, and who I think I might have miss out on
Useful_Experience423: Would he consider therapy? The person he was before is gone, but he should still have the opportunity to heal and be happy. Who knows who that person could be?
ETA: Also consider it for yourself. I say that with all the kindness possible, because you were only young when you got into this relationship and the fact you’re mourning the relationship you think you could be having sounds a lot like your needs aren’t being met. Can’t be a bad idea to talk it through in a supportive environment.
| 8 | 1.5 | |
1655881092 | 1655885802 | t3_vhywso | t5_2to41 | 5 | Helpful_Return_1873: TIFU by saying my boyfriends sisters name during sexy time
The title sounds very bad, let me start off by saying no, I’m not having any kind of affair.
I was doing the do with my boyfriend today, I’m the more dominant one in the relationship, it was phone sexy time. This is usual as he lives in the UK and I live in the USA. We’ll call the sister rose.
Basically, he has a thing for being walked in on, I went to go “what is it puppy, do you want rose (his sister) to see you?” and my brain switched his sisters name with puppy. So, I said “what is it, rose?-“ I instantly stopped, there was a windows startup error in my head, I realize what I said and apologized.
He was in shock at first, and paranoid, rightfully so, and I’m pretty embarrassed. I’ve done similar things, like going to say cocksleeve but just saying “cock” and stopping there, but never with names. This is pretty bad, I can’t lie. My brain is very switch, and he knows so he isn’t pissed. So, yeah. Today I fucked up.
TL;DR I said my boyfriends sisters name while have sex and am now embarrassed.
Expert-Hamster-3146: I’m interested on how you keep that relationship going and on how it happened in the first place with the distance?
Helpful_Return_1873: A lot of mutual trust, and we call pretty much 24/7. We met through mutual friends, we’ve been pretty much attached at the hip since.
TomSurman: A very wide hip that stretches across the Atlantic.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1655885442 | 1655909496 | t3_vhzzp6 | t5_2to41 | 60 | LesKateCJ: TIFU by getting a fat lip courtesy of my wife.
Tl;dr at the bottom.
Obligatory this did not happen today, but rather a few days ago over the weekend. Also, I'm on mobile, so please forgive any formatting issues.
My wife and I have an awesome relationship, and an amazing sex life - so, naturally, we couldn't help but have a bit of fun when we had a quiet night to ourselves over the weekend.
At some point during our little session, my wife (the Saint that she is) took up residence upon my face. A great time was had by all, and her enthusiasm did not go unappreciated. In fact, it was highly encouraged throughout.
Fast forward to an hour or so later. We're lying in bed still, watching tv, I'm about to have a smoke. Just as I go to, I notice my top lip feels weird. I run my tongue along it, and it feels like I've got a giant grain of rice in my lip?! What the hell. And why does it feel so big? Why does it _hurt?_
I go to the bathroom to check it out, and see that my lip looks swollen and red in the middle. I check the inside, and what would you know, I have a really nice, deep, blood blister forming.
Back to the moment I mentioned earlier.. for anyone who enjoys being a throne for their good lady, you will be aware of _teeth safety._ You know what I mean. The eternal conscious effort to keep all teeth safely tucked away so as not to risk any unwanted damage to your elegant rider.
Well, what I didn't consider is that if you do ever successfully block your tooth from making unwanted contact, by keeping your lip tucked around it, you will essentially have been punched in the face by a vagina, and nearly bitten through your own lip - even if you didn't notice anything beyond a bit of light contact at the time!
So remember, everyone - Ride safe!
Tl;dr - I encouraged my wife to ride my face 'enthusiastically', resulted in me getting a fat lip from her colliding slightly with my lip/tooth.
ribd4yourpleasure: I want to know if anyone asked at work about your lip and what you said.
LesKateCJ: I've been working from home this week, luckily! It's much less noticeable now than it was, so hopefully I'm all good now.
Classic-Marketing-81: maybe eat her out Doggystyle next time
| 4 | 15 | |
1655829968 | 1656532241 | t3_vhhoje | t5_2to41 | 10 | ayush-shah: TIFU by tweeting in a controversy
This happened an hour ago. I'm a class 12 student. In India, to get admission in undergrad engineering/research programs (except medical/bio related fields) we have to give a college entrance test called JEE (Joint Entrance Examination). It is one of the hardest exams.
There are two types: JEE Mains and JEE Advanced. You get to give JEE Advanced after you qualify in mains. Clearing JEE Advanced can get you into IITs (Indian Institute of Technology) which are one of the most prestigious institutions in India. Ivy league colleges of India you can say. Through JEE mains you can get into NITs and other colleges. JEE Mains is being held two times this year with a month's gap. The best score out of two will be counted. We study for two years for this examination and there are 90 chapters to cover in Mathematics, Physics and Chemistry in total.
Some more info - There are protests going on in some parts of our country. Also, there are floods in Assam state.
Coming back, our 1st attempt is from 23rd to 29th june. They take 2 exams every day on the given dates (all papers are different and a student gets one specific date). Today we got our admit cards. Around 1 million students give this exam every year. Soon after our admit cards were released, students started trending hashtags on Twitter (there are about 171k tweets currently on one hashtag in a few hours) about postponing JEE Mains examination (the exam has already been postponed twice by two months). Some had genuine reasons because of protests and floods but some were just tweeting without any valid reason.
So I tweeted (thinking Twitter is a platform of free speech) that some students are just trending the hashtag without any valid reason. If you haven't studied in 2 years, you won't do much in a few more days. "**Those with genuine reason have no doubt the right to ask for help"**. Many people are just spamming, and creating new accounts just to trend this and to get noticed by authorities (just because it has worked previously).
I was frustrated because I was preparing for it since two years and it has already been postponed by 2 months. I specifically mentioned that those with genuine reason have no doubt the right to ask for help. I'm not against it but this problem is not in all parts of the country. Maybe postpone for them who are having problems or make some arrangements?
Well guess what I'm getting targeted and hate for not supporting them and to "stfu". It's even getting personal now. They're saying that lets see if you score 275+ and we'll see that you clear JEE Advanced and get into IIT. "We'll ask after the results are out, etc, etc". The exam is of 300 marks and the top 100 out of a million students are the ones getting 270+ marks. Top 2000 are the ones scoring around 200+ marks. Well, I don't know if I will be able to achieve the toppest rank but I have given my best in the preparation that's for sure.
This toxicity and hate has messed up my mind since evening and lowered my confidence and that's bad in the final days (my exam is on 25th June). I'll maybe delete the tweet if it gets more. I shouldn't have fallen into this shit and should've just studied
TL;DR I tweeted that some students are just trending the hashtag to postpone the exam without any valid reason and now I'm getting hate which has messed up my mind.
-stayHard-: Hey u will do well.
Don't feel discouraged. It's just a fuck up and they r nobody's. They don't matter to u.
Best of luck for the exam bhai
ayush-shah: Thanks!! You are also giving JEE this year?
-stayHard-: No no.
I'm not but my brother is giving his this year
ayush-shah: Okay all the best to him
-stayHard-: Yup bro
| 6 | 1.666667 | |
1655888721 | 1656008994 | t3_vi0smo | t5_2to41 | 67 | Everyday_Hero1: TIFU By getting the bartender "Timmy's" attention by quoting South Parks "Timmy".
TL;DR: After talking about South Park with 4 of 5 guys at the bar, I said "Timmy!" like the Timmy character from South Park to the bartender named Timmy, to have the 5th guy who is blind have a go at me for the way I said "Timmy".
Put the TL;DR at the front of the post just to make the punchline and context before I go into detail about what just happened. So here we go.
I finished work and decided to go down the pub to see the normal crew of tradies that had knocked off work today. We were playing pool, sinking beers, and just have a good Humpday afternoon.
An hour in to the shenanigans, a blind man and his guide dog come in to the pub. Nothing really to note on any other day, but as I said, it devolved from a fun time to an awkward time within a very quick time because of the combination of us and what happens later.
Whole time old mates here, we are all chatting about and getting along, and I was helping him out find his drink, where the doors were and the restroom. A real good time amongst people at a bar. All of us just living the dream.
Now comes the fun... We got on to the conversation of South Park, and all us guys were brought up in the time when South Park was big of our up bringing. We are all laughing and quoting South Park(some of the more vanilla quotes) and just having fun. Old mate was giggling along with most of but now in hindsight, it was probably from just the crude jokes and not the context of being South Park.
So, in a lull from the jokes, I notice my beer is empty and want to get another one, so I say "Oi, Timmy" to the young bloke behind the bar to try and get a new beer. But he had his back to me and was leaning against the bar day dreaming (as we all did when we started working). So to get his attention, I started saying "Timmy" louder and louder and more like Timmy from South Park.
Old mate didnt like this one and yells at me "DO YOU FIND THAT FUNNY!"... I was extremely taking aback by it, but then before making an ever bigger FU, I bit my tongue before I was half way through the sentence "Haven't you seen South Park?", because I realised who I was replying to.
I haven't had such an awkward moment in a while, I just sat there, blindsided and a bit tipsy, and said I was sorry for any offence and that Timmy was a character from the show, but that does not excuse me because they didnt know the context.
Ultimarad: As a Tim who also grew up with South Park... I got used to it, I know people like yourself are just having a bit of innocent fun. This other Tim you spoke to must have just been in a bad mood.
Everyday_Hero1: Tim was the young guy behind the bar serving the drinks, he was fine and laughed. But seeing how angry 50y old mate who was blind was at my comment, made me remember that it is a pisstake on a disability.
Old mate has never seen south park due to age and blindness, so well you and I see it as a pisstake on the name, he didn't see that due to no context and thought I was just shitting on the handicapped.
whatwhatoldchap: I mean, the joke is that Timmy speaks "funny" because he's disabled (handicapped is also out of date).
So.... you kinda were? I wouldn't be offended as a disabled person with both physical issues and autism, but that's because I pick my battles & know most people haven't got a clue what it's like. Things like my university putting the art studios on the top floor where the only access is via the lift... and me and my three classmates who use chairs having to text each other not to bother coming in every time the damned thing broke...
It's just tiring. People think it's "much better these days" but buildings claim renovations are "unreasonably" expensive so in the UK, all these shit Victorian buildings just... stay inaccessible. 80% of the studios and workshops at my art school don't have step free access. I reported a bus driver for laughing at and saying a chair user was a "nuisance" to other passengers because she needed the ramp put down... the London underground is unusable if you use a chair.
So basically, he's reacting to a lifetime of frustration as WELL as the joke.
Like I said, it's just a stupid cartoon but the joke is literally based on his disabilities being amusing. I stim in public now and I know I look crazy when someone whistles and I have to flap my fist up near my ear to discharge the *nails-on-a-chalkboard* reaction I get. It's honestly like having freezing cold water dumped down your spine. But I've seen Little Britain, I roll my eyes. it's just lazy humour tbh. It's still funny to people... but admitting it's tasteless is fine too. You're allowed to find it funny. It creates an in joke sense of community. But yer man there didn't see the funny side.
JimmiRustle: > handicapped is also out of date
Really? In my language poor sight is called a *sight handicap* - but it’s not like you can’t see as *disabled* would suggest.
We still use *handicap* in general although it’s common to use a descriptor instead e.g. blind or deaf.
whatwhatoldchap: I'm talking about English. It's considered out of date in ENGLISH. You haven't even said what your language is.
JimmiRustle: Danish - why is it out of date?
whatwhatoldchap: https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/69361/why-did-disabled-replace-handicapped-preferred-term
http://www.disabilitynottinghamshire.org.uk/index.php/about/social-model-vs-medical-model-of-disability/
Basically, it focuses on the fact society is giving us extra challenges. It suggests we are inherently "handicapped" - ie, our abilities are just LOWER all round.
Disabled - we are being made un-able to do things because society hasn't accommodated us. It's not that we are by nature starting with a "handicap" (the weights added to jockeys I horse races etc) - yes, there are some things that are hard or impossible, but the weight can be lifted by accommodations.
JimmiRustle: Interesting. I just read up on the etymology in Danish and it seems to have been borrowed from English to replace *invaliditet* for more or less the same reasons.
*Invalid* comes from Latin *invalidus* which means weak or powerless whereas handicap in its Danish form only refers to people with disabilities and seem to be without many of the negative connotations that it has garnered in English.
Well if you ever find yourself on the right side of the North Sea don’t fret if you see “handicap” everywhere xD
| 9 | 7.444444 | |
1655890122 | 1655892556 | t3_vi157d | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by damaging my dads trailer
[deleted]
bigmark9a: Are you like 5? Trying to hide you got into an accident? What kind of relationship do you have with your father? That’s the real question.
Captainschitqunt: Deleted this pretty quickly didn't he. Looks like he's going to lie then.
| 3 | 1 | |
1655890352 | 1655909167 | t3_vi1789 | t5_2to41 | 48 | roticakes: TIFU by losing a whole lot of money.
This happened last week but it still hurts a lot. Last Wednesday my wife had a pretty shitty day at work, was hoping to cheer her up by getting her something. So the next day I scrolled through Carousell(a buying and selling app in singapore) and I saw someone selling a ps5 for 800sgd bucks. That's the supposed price in Singapore(at the moment everyone is usually selling it at around 1100sgd). Decided to try my luck and see if I can get 2(for me and her).
Contacted the buyer and see if they have any stock. Someone replied and told me they do have but not much. I asked for a pick up but they said it had to be delivered. But they mentioned they could deliver anywhere in Singapore and I requested if my workplace was alright(as no one was home). The seller then said no worries as they will provide me a pic of their id and it would be impossible to run away. Shortly after, the person then gave me a pic of their id and another pic of them holding it.
My dumbass fell for it thinking it was legit. I stupidly thought that couldn't be fake. I transfered the 1600sgd to him and I never got to see the two ps5.
Best part I was at work and i had to hide behind a smile not allow any of colleagues see me actually falling apart. Called up my bank told them the story on how dumb i was and they advised me to make a police report. I made one straight after work and when I reached home I just had to act like nothing happened. Till today, my wife doesn't know her dumb husband lost 1600sgd . Till now I'm still waiting for the investigating officer to get back to me and I'm already prepared to hear that I won't get my cash back. Now I'm just hoping they catch that SOB.
Apologies for any grammar mistake. Thanks for reading. Just wanted a place to tell my story.
Tldr
I wanted to surprise the wife with 2 ps5 but ended up losing 1600sgd to a scammer.
boykalbo777: Carousell has rating system right? Did you see the seller ratings?
roticakes: Yea, funnily enough the person had a number of 5 star ratings as a buyer and a seller. Not sure if his account was hacked though. After a few hours later the account disappeared but another one appeared with the same mobile number and description.
Tigen13: Can you report them?
roticakes: Yup i did. I also gave both of the user IDs to the police officer.
Tigen13: Sorry, I meant report them to the hosting site.
roticakes: Ah yeah i did that too. I reported using report account function. I tried to report the account directly to carousell but they said since I chatted with the buyer outside of the app they can't do much.
Tigen13: God these sites suck.
Great work. Sorry this happened to you
roticakes: Yeah hopefully they'll work on it. And thanks!
| 9 | 5.333333 | |
1655896527 | 1655906003 | t3_vi2shp | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking "like you?"
[deleted]
TurkeyDinner547: Haha... those god damned kids.
TitaniaT-Rex: I’d say 50% of my interactions with my teens and their friends end with me thinking, “fucking kids,” while shaking my head. Thankfully, they’re good kids and it’s usually a funny incident.
| 3 | 5 | |
1655898072 | 1655903143 | t3_vi37q1 | t5_2to41 | 46 | dph_prophet_69: TIFU by giving my roommate our address
Me and my roommate are getting a new apartment. He was on the phone with the power company and needed the new address, which I had written in my notebook. I opened up to the page and handed it to him.
I forgot I had given him the notebook and went to sleep soon after. When I woke up this morning I found my notebook opened to a completely different page. The worst possible page. It was a super, super fucked up movie idea. And I mean fucked up. The roommates apparently opened up to the page, saw how demented I am and left it there.
I'm a bit worried about what they're gonna think about me now. I'm also super fucking pissed they looked through my notebook.
Tldr:
Left my notebook out, roommates looked through and found some really fucked up shit I wrote.
Low_Camel_1351: You need to tell us what the movie idea is or you'll have 1000 years of bad luck
dph_prophet_69: It's extremely fucked up - don't say I didn't warn you.
The idea was to get a bunch of hardcore criminals from actual prisons (murderers, rapists, etc) and then get a bunch of suicidal volunteers. Then the movie is like the purge and we let the criminals do their thing to these volunteers.
The whole idea is to make a statement about the inner shadow in everyone. Everybody is capable of horrific things and has an animalistic desire to kill and fuck. I hate how we all ignore the hideous creature inside of us. This movie idea was all about making it unavoidable to ignore.
Beneficial-Bluebirds: That's honestly not that fucked up.the movie could be incredibly brutal, but so are hostel, saw, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, even Squid Game is a super fucked concept, its just bright lights and colors.
That's without delving into a list of truly fucked up movies that your synopsis wouldn't make it onto.
Don't worry about it.
dph_prophet_69: Ya you're not wrong. I guess I'm sweating it a bit too hard. It's just more the lack of explanation and them suddenly stumbling across a page full of rape and murder movie scripts
| 5 | 9.2 | |
1655902374 | 1655943652 | t3_vi4kpy | t5_2to41 | 36,349 | Dull-Energy-7918: TIFU by asking for some hardcore bdsm from my boyfriend. And now I think I’m mentally scarred.
I am in no way shape or form blaming my bf, but I think I mentally scarred myself. I’ve been watching some pretty crazy shit recently, and I had the smart idea to try something out. I asked him if he could preform certain acts of BDSM with my consent. I wasn’t abused as a kid or anything. Idk, porn just glorified it enough to make me curious. We had safe words and everything. And when we did the deed, I was… conflicted to say the least. It was arousing, don’t get me wrong. But fuck, it also left me feeling helpless. I know it was kind of the point, but I was not prepared. I didn’t ask to stop because I was still getting off on it.
My bf was very against it at first since he was as vanilla as a person can be. but he said if I really wanted to try, he’d be up for it. The thing was, he actually enjoyed it. Like really enjoyed it.
Anyways afterwards, I let him know that it wasn’t as fun as I’d thought it would be and that we wouldn’t do it again. He was understanding of course. But for some reason, I was kind of unnerved that he was really into it. And the weeks afterwards, I just kept thinking of how helpless. I’ve been less intimate with my boyfriend since then. Every time he touches me to initiate, I recoil. And every time I think of being intimate with him, I think of that night.
My boyfriend has been very supportive with me, saying it’s no big deal if we weren’t intimate. Just as long as I feel comfortable. The thing is, I’m not. He doesn’t know that this has been festering inside me and I actually feel like shit for feeling like this. It seems totally unfair to tell him about this because, like I literally asked for bdsm specifically! He’d feel like a total piece of shit for doing what I asked. It’s not his fault I woke some kink in him.
Anyways, I think I’m gonna spend money on therapy to fix this myself, thanks for listening Reddit
TLDR: Asked my bf to be very rough with me during sex. It mentally scarred me and I feel like shit for feeling like shit. Can’t tell my bf because it’ll make him feel like shit because I’m a piece of shit for thinking it would be hot. So I’m going to therapy.
Edit: Hi! Shit. Didn’t expect this to blow up as big as it did. There is no way I’ll be able to read every comment, but I want to thank all of you! Even the “questionable” comments for the laughs. I just want to reiterate that I don’t blame my boyfriend at all. In fact I’m going to just up and tell him my feelings and apologize for being somewhat cold these last few weeks. We’re generally pretty good about communicating since we’ve been together for years. But idk, there’s something deeply personal about opening up about this. Like I know it’s hypocritical to be upset. But I can’t just turn off my anxiety. And I know he’s anxious about it too, but doesn’t want to open up either in fear of hurting my feelings too. That’s why I’ll just rip off the band aid. Anyways thanks again Reddit! And also sorting by controversial gave me some good laughs just from the insanity of a certain group of people lmao. I hope you guys find someone that loves you.
Edit 2: I let him in on the inner workings of my mind the other day. I made it very clear that I am not voluntarily trying to hold it against it. Rather it the result of some trauma that I brought upon myself for my lack of preparation. I apologized for being relatively cold for the last weeks, and we made it. He knew something was up and felt really bad, and I reassured it it was all on me. I showed him the Reddit post just for transparency. Anyways, we’re both gonna go to therapy to deal with any trauma induced symptoms. Because that’s what it is, symptoms that I want to get treated. It isn’t me, nor do I want to be dictated by it. Anyways, have a lovely day peeps! And to all the people at the top of controversial sort, I mean it. I hope you find someone that will love you ❤️
Rude-Coast-8846: This is why BDSM is not something to jump into. From what I’ve read after sex care (I forget the term used) is essential. Take care and I hope you get over this
Vasquea: Yeah aftercare is 90% of BDSM because for the sub it can be hard to snap back out of that moment to reality and if you don't have that then it feels weird with that partner when not in the moment.
Dull-Energy-7918: I’ll try to talk with him soon. I’ll admit, I didn’t do any research on the whole bdsm aftercare thing. I have a pretty tough stomach and thought I could handle it in one go ><
Tirannie: Go research aftercare now! Sounds like you skipped that part after the sex, but there’s no reason you can’t do that part now. It’s SO important.
VacaDLuffy: Also please remember to do after care for the Dom as well. It's important for both parties.
Rippedyanu1: 100%. I can only imagine what OPs BF is going through for Dom drop right now from how this played out.
VacaDLuffy: I'm not into degradation and stuff but I have a pleasure kink. I get off pleasing people soooo if degradation is what they're into I will oblige. From experience yeah after care is important especially if you're not into degradation. I have skipped after care and it's eaten away at me wondering if I went too far and hurt that person's feelings.
Alise_Randorph: > wondering if I went too far
Man I can get that way when I'm just having so e dirty back and forth texting despite the *obvious* enthusiastic replies lol.
expat_mel: I find just asking is the best way to go. It might interrupt one sexy text conversation, but when you're both 100% sure that the other person is good with it, the next sexy exchange even better. I've literally stopped in the middle of a sexy time text convo to go "Hey I'm really enjoying this but I just want to make sure you're ok with this, too. Are you into it? Have I said anything that made you uncomfortable?" Pausing the conversation to have this discussion was totally helpful in the past with both a long-term partner (now ex) and with somebody I had just started seeing. Once I had enthusiastic consent (and they had asked to make sure they had mine), it was even more fun than before.
Alise_Randorph: Oh, I definitely have, still feel like "shit, am I about to become 'that guy's now?" Aaaand then I get a response that gets rid of all that lol
expat_mel: Haha with a guy I was seeing recently, he felt bad after texting me a very inappropriate (but very funny) joke. He told me so and I immediately reminded him that I'm a very upfront person - if the joke had upset or offended me, I would've said so. After that he seemed much more relaxed with PG-13 (and eventually R-rated) text convos :P
Alise_Randorph: Lol the worst combo is when you say something and the person just happens to have thier attention drawn away, so rather than the immediate response you've been getting, suddenly there's just nothing.
But good on you for breaking him in lol.
expat_mel: Hahaha "breaking him in" I'm gonna use that now. It's like when a friend jokes that they're "so tired they're going to die" or something. I always say "Look, you can't die on me - I don't have time to train a new best friend."
Alise_Randorph: Lol exactly.
Glad I was able to be of service.
| 15 | 2,423.266667 | |
1655905718 | 1655923184 | t3_vi5p6x | t5_2to41 | 87 | WhatIsLife4242: TIFU by trying to cut cucumbers as fast as Gordon Ramsay
So for some reason, I (15f) think the way Gordon Ramsay chops stuff is really cool, and I ultimately decided to try it out on some cucumbers when I was making salad for lunch. Somewhere in the back of my consciousness, I knew it was a really dumb idea, but as you can tell, I didn't listen.
Now, my parents had just bought a brand new Santoku knife from Canadian Tire a couple of days ago, and it was freshly sharpened and gleaming. I didn't even bother peeling the cucumbers and started chopping hell bent for leather. It started off fine, and I was convinced that I was going to set a world record. Then I started fantasising about what I was gonna do with the money and wasn't paying attention. Next thing I knew, the knife was stuck in my left pointer finger and I just stood there, breathing heavily. Then I said, "Mom, I had an accident."
She ran over to me and just sighed, got out the bandages, and wrapped my finger up all nice and good. Turns out I had cut the tip of my finger off, which sort of grossed me out. The chopping board was all bloody and so was the knife and the cucumbers, which sucked. But anyways, I learned my lesson. I'm not Gordon Ramsay, and I'm nobody more than Gordon Ramsay. I'm just an average Canadian female with really stupid dreams.
TL;DR: I tried to chop cucumbers as fast as Gordon Ramsay and ended up chopping my finger instead.
gxddbou: That’s awful! You really had to throw the cumbers out?
WhatIsLife4242: I mean, they weren't really fit for human consumption cause they were all bloody and stuff..
gxddbou: But the sauce is the best part!
WhatIsLife4242: Never have I ever seen someone have ketchup with their cucumbers :l
gxddbou: You gotta let them sit for a while first. Homemade pickles
| 6 | 14.5 | |
1655909528 | 1655913727 | t3_vi727q | t5_2to41 | 2 | Careless-Ad-767: TIFU by going out hungover
so last night i went out and as you do, got sloshed. this morning I threw up, no big deal because that usually happens. im doing a summer course and went to that, felt like I was gonna throw up again so went to walk out, didn't make it to the bathroom and threw up on the floor. now. i have pretty bad anxiety and it's just embarrassing to throw up so. I cleaned it up myself, very badly just with tissue and my sheer will. i did make sure that anything chunky was gone, even tho it was mostly liquid, grabbed my things and told my tutor I had to go and then left. i feel bad for not telling anyone who could be cleaned it properly but the floors are mopped daily and it was just at the end of the day. i had to get this off my chest I feel horrendous and I am so embarrassed because I don't know if anyone heard it lol, even if they did they didn't say anything which is a good sign i guess, really excited to go in tomorrow!
TL;DR tifu by puking on the stairs in college
Connect_Cell_2315: What a shitty story!
Careless-Ad-767: probably, but by god i felt like I commited a crime
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1655911999 | 1655913392 | t3_vi7z1a | t5_2to41 | 26 | [deleted]: TIFU by forgetting to cancel my membership to a “chat” room
[deleted]
Usernamehorder: You left the bit out where you consciously gave them your card information
Obligatorycomment7: I thought that went without say…
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1655913065 | 1655995971 | t3_vi8d6b | t5_2to41 | 356 | Dr_Wh00ves: TIFU by splitting my wood.
The other day my family and I were having a memorial of life party for one of our family members and it was a pretty cold day. My mom had the great idea of getting a fire started in our fire pit but unfortunately, we had no wood split yet this year. So it fell onto me to get enough split for the rest of the part. The only problem is that this was an Irish-American party so I was already three drinks in and being a lightweight I was pretty tipsy. But being the good son I am I didn't let that stop me and got right to work. You may think that this is where the FU is but that is where you would be wrong, it was a bit dicey but I got it split and the party went great.
The FU actually happened today, funnily enough considering that never happens on this sub, when I decided to get ahead on the wood splitting duties so I wasn't left handling a splitting maul while drunk again. I got about a cord split but considering it was American Elm I was having to hit it awful hard with my 12-pound maul. This resulted in the two halves of the log often catapulting themselves across the yard when split.
I had a particularly knarled log that was around 20 inches in diameter that took like 10 wacks to finally split. Unfortunately for me, it didn't split where I wanted it to and a 20+ pound chunk hurtled directly into my shin at Mach 3 knocking me right off my feet. After no small amount of swearing, I managed to get myself up and used the maul as a cane to get to the house about 20 minutes ago.
That brings me up to the present where there is a softball-sized lump and a big cut on my leg. I can still walk on it but with how it is swelling I think it may have fractured my Tibia at least partially. I am going to wait until tomorrow to see if the swelling goes down but this seems like an x-ray type of situation so that is fun. It does not help that my family and I signed up for a walking tour of some local restaurants this weekend, so that will be fun haha. I guess I learned my lesson and will be wearing shin guards from now on if I plan on splitting wood, or just picking up a cheap wood splitter like I should have done in the first place. With how much hospital bills are I probably could have picked up a nice one too but c’est la vie.
TL;DR I smacked my wood and it smacked me back.
311635: Hey man, used to split about 30-40 chords a year to sell. You may already know this, but almost every tree will have a check (large crack running perpendicular to the rings) somewhere near the heart wood. If you aim for that sucker you’ll split it almost every time, no matter how gnarled it is. Splitting on the ground rather than a stump can also prevent the wood from flying, if you’re not already doing that
Goatfest2020: Have you ever split elm? Gives new meaning to ‘gnarled’.
311635: Not a ton, however I’ve seen some pretty gnarly twist in wood
Dr_Wh00ves: Yeah, they are right. American Elm curls as it grows and the wood fibers weave together essentially making it one big knot. The only reason I could even split it with the maul is that it has aged outside for four years and softened up a bit. Still, I should have known it was dangerous considering how hard I was having to hit it in order for it to split.
311635: I’m assuming you’re somewhere in the mid west and don’t have much access to coniferous trees. Absolute pleasure to split them, makes life so easy
| 6 | 59.333333 | |
1655912967 | 1655914456 | t3_vi8bx5 | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: Tifu by not going out since the pandemic
[deleted]
VoltaireYorkton: I'd say you're actually doing fine. A lot of us probably have some form of ED from excessive porn and masturbation. You have the opposite issue, your stuff *works normally*. You just have to work on the sensitivity I think.
As for the situation, damage control might have been better with a little transparency. Like, I'd be mortified too if I came on my own face, but it's perfectly understandable to not go out due to the virus. And your body reflects that. Any decent person should understand. Maybe you could have had a round 2 later that way.
RandoCalrissian11: It’s perfectly normal not to go out because of the virus, if you are in the high risk category and it’s the middle of 2020. Anytime after that and there’s no reason to not start going out. Its 2022 now, there’s not even a reason high risk people can’t go out.
| 3 | 0.333333 | |
1655912675 | 1655934930 | t3_vi883s | t5_2to41 | 250 | Catybird618: TIFU by taking a gel capsule before running an errand
Yes, this did actually happen today.
So I take a medicine that comes in a gel capsule every morning. It's filled with a blue liquid, and is about the size of a black bean. This morning I took it right before leaving to drop the dog off at her play group, which is about a 10 minute drive away. Take medicine, wash it down with a few gulps of water from my water bottle, head out the door with the dog. Easy Peasy.
About 2 minutes into the drive, one of my sinuses starts hurting. You know those sinus holes at the back of your mouth (I'm sure they have a technical name, but I don't know what it is)? Those. One of them starts burning like I'd snorted lemonade or something caustic up my sinus. So far, it's not too bad, just really annoying, especially since I left my water bottle at home.
2 minutes later, it's burning REALLY BADLY and there's a horrible taste in my throat. That's when I realize I somehow managed to snort the gel cap INTO MY SINUS where it is now dissolving the gel cap and releasing the medicine. Now, since this medicine comes in a gel cap, the liquid inside is not treated or adulterated in any way to disguise the flavor or mitigate burning, so it tastes and feels like what I imaging battery acid would taste and feel like. We are now almost at the day care drop off. I managed to get the dog inside, nose and eyes streaming (thank God I had a face mask in the car), and I run back to my car, intending to get home as fast as possible.
The drive home was the longest 10 minutes of my life, including labor with two kids. I scream-cried all the way home, it burned SO BADLY. And since your sinuses go throughout your whole freaking head, various parts of my head are burning at various points, including the tubes leading to my ears. Of course the usual drive home is also complicated by the fact that it's start time for the high school which is between our house and doggy day care, and dozens of teenagers are wandering across streets without looking, attempting to drive, etc., and I can now barely see because of the constant stream of liquid from my nose and eyes. I literally at one point had the thought, "I'm going to die. I'm going to die and be a headline. I'm going to win a Darwin award. '40 year old woman with multiple graduate degrees somehow manages to kill self by snorting an over-the-counter medicine in the form of a gel cap. Story at 6.'" And the traffic going into the school is taking forEVER to move.
FINALLY make it home, dash into the house, shedding possessions right and left, run to the kitchen thinking just one thing: I need to find some way to flush my sinuses. Don't have a Neti pot, so I dug through a kitchen drawer and grabbed the turkey baster, sucked up ice water from my water bottle, and shot it up my sinuses as hard and fast as I could until a partially dissolved gel cap falls out of my face holes and the burning decreases marginally.
Even three hours later I'm still swallowing fluid that tastes like the medicine as it drains out of my sinuses. Calling in unqualified to stay alive for the remainder of the day.
TL;DR: burned the ever living f$ck out of my sinuses by accidentally snorting a gel cap
HugoToledo_USA: Am I the only one wondering why you didn’t go to the ER or even a doc-in-the-box to get it professionally assessed? I ask this sincerely because I know that knowledge/smarts does not save us when our brain incorrectly weighs our options. I’m curious if, in the aftermath, you have figured out why your brain thought it was better to *not* see a professional? That is something we could all learn from. Again, I
ask this sincerely.
returnofthecheez: What the heck is a doc-in-the-box?
Bigfops: Never heard the expression, but I'm thinking an Urgent Care like "RightTime Medicine" of "Patient First". It's for non life-threatning emergencies or a cold / flu or a sprain. It's the "I dont' have a primary care doctor but I need to get this thing checked out" type place. Also generally good if you want something same day.
returnofthecheez: I figured. I don't have either of those brands either. All the ones around me are owned by the local hospital chains other than Concentra
| 5 | 50 | |
1655915561 | 1655999781 | t3_vi9b2u | t5_2to41 | 313 | animegross: TIFU by watching brutal anime
I used to be a huge anime fan. I still do like anime but for the longest time I’ve been under the impression that anime was mostly cute colorful animations. Don’t get me wrong I’ve seen somewhat violent anime but up until this point nothing too crazy. A good friend of mine introduced me to two anime that I hadn’t seen before. Terraformarz and Deadman Wonderland.
These anime have completely changed my perception of what I think about anime. I’m not a little scared to take new anime recommendations from people because I don’t know if the anime is going to be brutal or dark. Personally I think I’m just a little soft and faint of heart, but anime was kinda like a safe place for me but now not so much anymore.
With this being said I’m not against violent or dark fiction being made. I don’t think that it’s wrong or unethical. Personally I just can’t handle it. Maybe I’m just a little immature. I don’t know, but I just thought I would share.
Tl;Dr I can’t handle brutal anime
InflamedLiver: wait till OP discovers hentai.
twotall88: Specifically tentacle porn.
lllNuggetslll: There's other types of anime other than tentacle porn?
ph30nix01: Oh honey....
| 5 | 62.6 | |
1655914532 | 1655955935 | t3_vi8xdz | t5_2to41 | 11,808 | Teabags-Mcgee: TIFU by trusting my work schedule after accepting a 10 hour shift.
This actually happened 30 minutes ago (hour and a half now that I've typed it out), and I'm still sweating about it. To start, a wee bit of backstory.
I work at a gym, and (despite my free membership) I'm still pudgy, pasty, and an abhorrent distance runner. I'm also a big dude. I have a slightly above average height, but my shoulders could be considered a death-defying stunt jump to get across. Picture a white Ray Lewis, and you've pretty much got it.
At this gym, I am one of three people who are dedicated desk attendants, and six employees in total. Scheduling is a bit tight on a good week, but when the only person who is on salary and works an average of 55+ hours takes a much needed vacation it becomes a team effort to make sure someone is at the desk at all times.
My boss is, without question, the best boss I've ever had. I've had some decent ones before, but this man goes above and beyond every day. For that reason, I didn't mind working around his vacation for my own extended weekend with my siblings who live across the country. In order to have a four day weekend I begged, borrowed, and stole (not really) to make everything work out. I finagled the schedule like a damn wizard, and ended up with a ten hour closing shift today. No big deal. I've done open to close shifts before, so if it meant getting my weekend with my siblings I'd deal with it.
Well... My ADHD riddled ass completely forgot that I messed around with the schedule. At 10:03 am I got a text from the coworker who's shift I traded for today asking where I am. Mind you, my wife was away, I was naked as the day I was born, and getting ready for some "self care." So I had exactly 27 minutes to make my nasty self presentable and hoof it the mile to work since I share a vehicle with my wife.
Y'all... Like is said, I am not a distance runner, but I am disturbingly fast for a dude that needs somebody to carry a wide load sign ahead of him at all times. So out the door I went, gym attire with our logo, backpack, and a gallon of water in my hand. I hauled ass like a cracked out Flash meets He-man holding my monstrosity of a water jug out front like I was presenting a spectacular jar of dirt. My geriatric neighbors watched with their jaws on their immaculate lawns as 270 lbs of white meat and anxiety left a dust trail on the blacktop. Late commuters jammed up on the major highway watched in awe as all the junk in my trunk thunder clapped past them at mach 3.
I made it to work with a collapsed lung, shell shocked man tits, and a minute to spare. I proceeded to check in 26 kids and their chaperones with hand signals while Niagra falls poured from every sweat gland in my body.
Wife has since brought me a fresh Tshirt and some electrolytes, so I may live through my fuck up, yet. I feel like not-slim shady without spaghetti, but I made it in time for the event! As for the actual shift that started at 10... Shit happens right? Anyway, thanks for reading if you did!
TLDR: Forgot I swapped shifts with a coworker, and had to haul ass to work with nothing but two legs and a dream carrying a whole lotta man and big ass jug of water.
Edit: Holy shit! I didn't expect so many people to see this, let alone like it. Thank you all for the internet points, and kind comments! I know it wasn't the most earth shattering fuck up, but I just wanted to share it with you. Now if y'all will excuse me, my wife (who says hi) and I have some recreational aerobics to complete, and evidently a writing career to start. I will remember you all when I'm an alcoholic. Stay legendary, and remember to self care!
Vandergaard: Dude, this was a wild ride. But this part
> I made it to work with a collapsed lung, shell shocked man tits, and a minute to spare. I proceeded to check in 26 kids and their chaperones with hand signals while Niagra falls poured from every sweat gland in my body.
absolutely cracked me up.
Teabags-Mcgee: I'm glad you enjoyed it! It was definitely a wild ride while living it, but I figured y'all would appreciate the retelling haha!
BroadMortgage6702: My fave part was "270lbs of white meat and anxiety". You should keep writing!
QuickChilli: I second this comment, please keep writing, I need more
MissingPerspectivee: nah, shit is cringe. maybe if he wasn't talking about himself so much it would be funny
Skinnysusan: No one agrees with this Debbie downer OP- go for it! Keep writing! You have our support lol
kittym0o: Well, maybe if he didn't write about himself so much in a post about himself then maybe he wouldn't gotten such a response. /s
Skinnysusan: Lmao that part made me laugh too! Like wtf else was he gonna write about? The name of the sub is Today *I* Fucked Up. Not my friend, my partner, my neighbor, my mom. I
kittym0o: lol ikr? Then again upon second glance, their name is quite funny.
Skinnysusan: Yes I also noticed that lol appropriate
| 11 | 1,073.454545 | |
1655917114 | 1655917779 | t3_vi9vqt | t5_2to41 | 4 | Gay_Boiiiiii: TIFU by reminding my friend of my driving test they forgot about
This did happen today and I'm not proud of the way I handled the situation
English isn't my main language, sorry for mistakes!
Also I'm on mobile so sorry for formating issues as well.
My friend has depression and social anxiety (will be important later).
So I (17) had my driving test almost three weeks ago (I passed, hooray!) and my best friend (17) forgot about it as in they didn't wish me luck or asked how it went, and to be honest I was kinda disappointed cause when they had their test I was being excited with them and stuff and in return they forgot mine.
So I decided to tell them that they forgot about it and thought it wouldn't be a good move to do that via text messages as it would off over as unnecessarily passive aggressive. Unfortunately we didn't see each other until today so I was only able to tell them in person today at school.
I thought I got it across in a jokingly matter but apparently I didn't. I said "Oh btw you forgot about my driving test. I passed tho" with a smile expecting something along the lines of "Oh sorry I forgot, good job on passing tho". But boy I was wrong.
They told me I should know they're forgetful and I mustn't be mad at them. I asked why not, and yes, I know it was unnecessary but I wasn't thinking. This resulted in awkward silence until they decided to get picked up from school by their mom and an even more awkward convo:
They started to cry and said that even if they were psychologically healthy (no depression and social anxiety) it was an asshole move of me to mention it that late and what the hell I expected of that. I excused me for making them cry and told them that I didn't want it to escalate like that and eventually they ended up leaving.
They're gonna talk to their mom and then tell me what exactly I did wrong (because I seriously don't know. I could have said it in a nicer way I guess but I said it while chuckling so I thought it was okayish).
TL;DR: Told my friend they forgot about my driving test, they started to cry and tell me I'm an asshole for bringing it up that late
withheld_mcfakename: Yeah, sorry - but maybe next time just cut the rest and say "I passed!". You don't want to end up making all of these things transactional and then end up with something like this becoming A Thing.
Gay_Boiiiiii: Yeah, I was just kinda sad they forgot but I won't be doing something like that again
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1655919312 | 1655933897 | t3_viapma | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU By watching what might of been CP on twitter
[deleted]
LifeSniffer69: It's fuckin reddit. Calm down. Your the one obviously searching some weird fucking shit on Twitter bud, not me.
Obviously is a fucking joke. Get a sense of humor lol
G93X: Don’t let this male-Karen get to you, a joke is just a joke, man. Dork just feels guilty about looking up weird Porn. I laughed at the joke. It was very “Joey Diaz” of you.
LifeSniffer69: and OP deleted the thread HAHAHAHA
G93X: Of course he did 😂 dude was taking his insecurities out on everyone else, that always blows up eventually. He should’ve just kept that 💩 to himself lmao
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1655919925 | 1655927526 | t3_viaxru | t5_2to41 | 7 | Bustygirlfriendz: TIFU by having unrealistic expectations for women
My ideal woman is 38DD or bigger, has thick thighs, long hair, and is an absolute freak in the sheets. Actually that’s partially true. I also like goth girls, nerdy girls, and sporty girls. Maybe I don’t know what really want. I find myself always trying to go after the hottest girls that I can find though.
I’m ugly, short, have a nerdy voice, I live with my parents, I don’t have a good career, but I expect to attract 10s. I know that it’s probably unrealistic for me to expect a women that beautiful to be attracted to me and get upset or angry when she doesn’t. I just want my first time having sex to be with a woman that rocks my whole world.
I feel like it would be the highlight of my miserable life to bang a 10/10 model with big boobs. I know people say sex isn’t everything but I don’t see how I wouldn’t feel happy or at least a lot better than I do know if that happened.
Tl;dr I have unrealistic expectations for women
Mr007McDiddles: Your first time having sex will probably result in you blasting off somewhere between taking your drawers off and the first 1/2 pump. I wouldn't be too worried about getting your world rocked the first time round.
Such-Wrongdoer-2198: "That'll be $300 please."
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1655919906 | 1655923025 | t3_viaxhd | t5_2to41 | 25 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving away money I found on the ground
[deleted]
NarrowBike2259: Unethical, but you could just come back in tomorrow with your wife and say the money belongs to you while having your wife explain that you have some sort of memory loss (from a brain disorder)
nonowords: Why would you not just have said wife go in and ask about the cash alone?
Champion_Of-Cyrodiil: But then whats the point of having memory loss?
| 4 | 6.25 | |
1655920559 | 1662452092 | t3_vib69m | t5_2to41 | 1,228 | Shaneblaster: TIFU by thinking paper was a digital medium
This actually happened a couple weeks ago. The wife and I decided to have a weekend getaway so we got to our destination and I proceeded to check us into our hotel while my wife waited in the car. The woman working at the front desk was very nice and she proceeded to get us checked in, and doing so, she gave me a printed out map of the parking lot where I needed to park for the elevator access. I took the paper map from her and the print was small. Out of muscle memory, I tried to "zoom in" using my two fingers, swiping on the paper. I tried it three times, forgetting it's fucking paper. When I realized what I was doing I quickly looked up at the woman at the front desk to see if she saw me being a dumbass. We made brief eye contact and she quickly looked away. I could tell she was trying not to laugh and embarrass me. She was being a good human.
I left and went back to the car where I told my wife what I did. She laughed and mocked me for three days and now she has leverage over me for the rest of my life. I am an idiot.
&#x200B;
TL;DR I forgot paper wasn't digital technology.
raffaele2406: When I lose my phone I ask my wife to call me to find the phone.
Once I couldn't find my glasses and was about to ask her to "call" them 😳
PaperCasts: I was running late for work and I asked my girlfriend what time it was outside.
It was the weather. I wanted to know the weather.🤣
raffaele2406: Fun fact: in Italian time and weather are the same word TEMPO
bubblegumbombshell: It’s also this way in Spanish: tiempo means weather or time
raffaele2406: I just discovered that is similar in French: TEMPS means both
In Portuguese is the same as Italian, TEMPO
Due-Memory-6957: Look up Romance languages
bubblegumbombshell: Correct, all four languages are based on Latin. Interestingly, the Latin roots for these words are not the exact same. Tempor is time, while tempestas is weather.
robbythompsonsglove: 5 Romance languages...poor Hungarian.
| 9 | 136.444444 | |
1655923996 | 1655924510 | t3_vicgty | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking a girl I like if she wants to kiss me
[deleted]
LongDistRider: Good on you for seeking consent first.
TheKingBanana23: Yess always man
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1655923352 | 1655928152 | t3_vic815 | t5_2to41 | 16 | StellarDemon: TIFU by letting myself be manipulated for love
I'm terrible at expressing my feelings and formatting so I apologize for how it reads. This covers 2020 up until yesterday.
Back in 2020 I was going through one of the hardest times in my life. I had to end a relationship with someone I loved after almost a decade of being together. Let's call her "C". Ultimately it didn't work out with "C" and we both knew that and ended it in the most mutual loving way possible. In the end, feeling depressed, I decided to make an online dating profile on POF. A cute Chinese girl reached out to me and began talking to me (Let's call her A). It felt nice to have someone to talk to again and we talked for a week before we swapped over to a different chatting app.
We talked for months and I noticed every time "A" sent pictures of herself, or attempted to be flirty with me, the bottom corner of her pictures were always blacked out. A quick google reverse image search let me know that I was being cat fished for those months. But I was lonely and just wanted to feel good and feel loved again. It didn't matter who it was behind the screen because for the first time in a long time, I felt normal again.
Fast forward to December. We were supposed to go on our first date together, but "A" claimed that she couldn't meet because she was going away for the holidays with her family. I said okay and we left it at that. She came back after the break and we continued where we left off.
"A" developed more interest in me and in February 2021 she told me that she had to get something off her chest. She told me that she really liked me and thought I would hate her for what she had done. Worried that I would never talk to her again. She revealed to me that she was catfishing me and insisted that I would hate who she actually was. Of course I already knew this and assured her going forward if she was honest with me, I'd still like her.
After all the time we spent talking to each other, "A" said that her personality was the real deal and it's what I fell for. On the first day of March "A" wanted to progress and asked if we could send each other voice clips or call on discord. I happily agreed and we finally exchanged pictures and I saw the real her. She was so beautiful and I knew I was falling in love with her. We met for the first time on March 6th 2021.
She came to my house, we hung out together, we joked and she bullied me into sleeping with her. She left to go back home and things were going well. "A" knew going into the relationship that I was recovering from "C" and supported me the entire time. Fast forward a week, I got into an argument with "A" because she wanted me to open up about my past relationships but she then claimed that I deserved to be abused in the past for not sticking up for myself. I was devastated that "A" said that to me and she broke up with me for the first time. A week passed and she apologized and wanted to get back together but she proceeded to tell me she wants to be celibate. I didn't understand why but I agreed and she felt so guilty for doing that to me. During this time we had a few debates about the friendship I had with “C”, we considered each other family and always looked out for each other. Ultimately “A” told me I had to choose her or “C” and forced me to cut ties with “C”
Later she decides since the issue with “C” was handled, she doesn't want to be celibate and I explain the full extent of my past and she provides me bits and pieces of her life. The next 6 months were filled with passion and fun but also arguments (Not wanting to tell me her real name, where she lived, her actual age, what she went to school for). But on our 6 month anniversary together. She revealed to me her traumatic past, sexual assault(first ex), pregnancy(second ex), then the fact that she was Muslim and finally she was Asexual. I was at a loss for words, technically speaking she was never supposed to date me and it meant that we would never get to marry. She told me she lied to me and kept having intercourse with me because she was afraid I was going to leave her and understood if that was going to be my decision afterwards. On the subject of truthfulness, she revealed that her trip with her family in December was a lie. That she went to Korea with her second Ex and slept with him the entire time unprotected. She told me it was mutual and she wanted to do it with him. We were less intimate during this time and “A” told me she just has no desire for anyone, me included. A few days later, “A”’s Ex also messaged her and she talked to him behind my back and agreed to be friends with him. I found out and told her out of fairness she also had to cut ties with him otherwise it was hypocritical.
This was a problem because it was a complete 180 and everything she told me kept contradicting her previous stories. I loved her so much and I couldn't think of any options to make things work out. I knew I wasn’t going to leave her because of her past but it felt so shitty to know she didn’t find me attractive. We came up with compromises for the bedroom eventually but never solved the religious debate. I'm atheist and it felt insane to have to give up who I was to be with the person I loved. I told "A" no and there must be some other way to solve this. Fights get worse over time and she questioned my future parenting, telling me I was going to be a terrible father. I was done, upset, broken by what she said to me. I told her I wanted to break up for the first time. "A" Begged me to give her another chance and that she was sorry, she would make it up to me and treat me better. That never happened.
Things got even worse over time where I had to beg for the bare minimum in a relationship to be loved. She was in school and tutoring on the side, "A" was just too busy for me and promised that we would spend the summer together. I bought her countless gifts during this time to express my love for her but ultimately she never did the same for me.
During those passing months, I knew I wanted to be serious. I considered telling her several times that I wanted to convert, but I was never sure because she kept treating me worse over time. I bought a promise ring for her which is a huge deal for me and I've never done that for anyone. We became less intimate as time went on. Even with the traumatizing sexual history that she revealed to me, she still wanted to give me those things. February we were intimate and she was triggered by what happened and I apologized for what happened and gave her TLC and things went back to normal.
She ended up losing my promise ring on the way to one of our dates and it upset me. She instantly asked me to replace it for her and I said no because it felt unfair. Knowing her past with her second Ex, she admitted she still had his promise ring with their initials on it but didn't return it. I asked her to mail it back to him but she insisted that it had to be returned in person, just the two of them alone. Later she claims she couldn’t find it and probably lost it and left the conversation at that.
March comes along and we agree to be intimate while watching a movie. While we are having intercourse she gets triggered and tells me to stop. I stopped but she wouldn’t explain what happened or why she was upset, we sat and talked about it and I made sure she was okay. She told me she was fine and she would give me another chance. Then it’s April, it’s Ramadan. We barely see each other, we don’t hold hands, kiss, hug. We get into an argument because “A” is avoiding me and not spending time together or even talking to me. She tries to tell me she is pregnant but refuses to do a pregnancy test. She has her period a week later and things are fine. We then argue again because it has now been 6 weeks apart and she doesn’t want to see me or at least call me at night so we can talk.
Fast forward to May, the tension is high, it’s almost my birthday. We had lunch together and she promised to take me out on a date but I paid for everything in the end. The day after my birthday “A” makes it up to me and it’s the perfect day. The day ends in her saying she wants to end the relationship and that I broke her trust twice. She doesn’t think she can ever love me the same. She asks me for a month break to think it over and I give her that time. In that time I wanted to tell her several times that I wanted to convert for her and I was shut down every time because she wanted space. A month passes and we finally talk again. I buy her a replacement ring, I’m ready to tell her I want to convert. She tells me it’s not going to work out and it was never going to work out from the beginning. She wishes I told her all these things during our break because it would have meant something. But everything was meaningless and she kept shutting me down. She asked why it took a year and a break to come up with this answer (It's hard to just change who you are instantly). I was informed by her that her friends influenced her decision and they told her repeatedly that I was useless, worthless, a bum, I can’t provide anything, she should only be with financially stable guys. She admitted she was treating me cruelly and coldly for a year because I said no to converting at first and threw in the fact that she willingly gave everything to her second Ex because he at least said he would think about it.
I wasn't the greatest and messed up a lot as well but I put in all my heart and soul. I feel used, abandoned, and it feels so cruel to make someone love another so much. Enough to change their values all while never intending to make it work from the beginning. I never got to meet her family, get to know her friends, or even at least know where she actually lived, there were hardly any promises that were kept. We talked for an additional 4 days about everything that happened between us to try and get closure. I wanted to cut contact temporarily or forever but “A” begged me not to do that. She wants to remain friends and said she would treat me better as a friend than she did as a lover. In the end I told her I could never hate her, I still loved and cared about her and wished that she would do the same. She tried to take away my last bit of power and told me in return that we were cutting contact for a month and said bye. I told her that this is probably good bye forever and told her to have a nice life. She messaged me on Instagram and asked why it had to be so extreme and it was only for a month. I left her on read.
tldr: I knew I being catfish'd but fell in love with her anyway. She emotionally abused me for 14 months and admitted to treating me cold and cruelly because I didn't want to convert for her.
Beranac: I'm sorry this happened to you. You fell in love with a piece of shit and that's not too uncommon. Take a long break from dating seriously and work on your self first. Hit the gym, hang out with friends and family... Play sports. Anything. Don't rush into anything. Consider seeing someone to solve that part of you that allowed someone to treat you like this. Don't beat yourself up over this shit, we've all been there in one form or another. Wish you nothing but the best.
StellarDemon: I hate that I still love her and would do anything to make her happy
Beranac: You should want better for yourself. Realize that she's toxic and be happy that it's over. You rushed head first into the relationship which went on for far too long. Let me the one to tell you; don't look back, don't walk, run away from her. Get yourself in order. Expect to hurt for some time but don't let her lure you in. Imagine your son wrote this post and re-read it. What advice would you give him?
| 4 | 4 | |
1655925369 | 1655925870 | t3_viczvh | t5_2to41 | 13 | DamonDraco: TIFU by being too direct
TL;DR: I was asking a girl out to my house, since my family will be on a trip, and it bothered her.
I have this friend whom I have flirted with (she has in fact been very interested in me in the past and has even tried to kiss me while I slept on the bus) a few times and we were talking about where we would be hanging out. It's festival time around here.
I suggested that if she is up to it, we could hang out at my house because the others will be away. She declined me (which I'm ok with) and told me it was annoying that I thought that just because she talked to me, she was ok with being alone at my house.
I completely understood the implication of what I said and severally apologized for it, but I feel like a very shitty person for not having realized it before I suggested...
She has not replied to my apologies (I said I recognize my error even if I wasn't being intentionally being suggestive with what I said), and this just has been eating at me...
TheSteaksAreHigher: Im failing to see how you messed up i guess? Unless you worded it in a creepy manner, its weird that that annoyed her. If shes showing interest and has even tried to kiss you, it would be safe to assume she'd wanna spend time with u
DamonDraco: It was very weird to me too...
Also this is exactly how I said it: "I was thinking like. If you were up to it. There will be days I'm alone at home, we could hang out? Being quite direct 😅"
TheSteaksAreHigher: Yeah thats not even bad, shes weird lol but its good that you handled it well and apologized. That was the right move
DamonDraco: Thank you!! Yes, I always strive to be better!
Thanks for replying to my post too!
| 5 | 2.6 | |
1655920148 | 1655926262 | t3_vib0o2 | t5_2to41 | 8 | AudiCostea: TIFU by throwing up at my prom party and losing my phone in the process
This story is a long one so brace yourselves. This happened 2 days ago but the thought of it still disgusts me.
So basically, my (18M) classmates decided to throw a prom party at a fancy restaurant. I thought it would be an awesome opportunity to prove my classmates that I am capable of drinking a lot without getting high since we didn't meet for any drinks because of the pandemic. I'm not from the US and the legal drinking age in my country is 18.
In the end, around 35 people came to the event, including 15 of my classmates, some of their parents/relatives (including my mother) and 3 teachers. The party was absolutely fantastic with plenty of music, food and drinks.
This is where the FU starts. Since I wanted to come across as a "tough nut to crack", I decided it would be a good idea for me to drink both vodka and brandy despite my classmates warning me that this would make me vomit. At first it all seemed fine and I wasn't feeling too much but then I was offered
some cigarettes. I don't smoke and they took their toll on me as well.
Thus, 6 hours in, I had already drunk more than 10 shots of vodka and brandy and also smoked some 5 cigarettes. I felt very dizzy and this is where I blacked out and I don't remember what happened but after discussing with my classmates the day after, I found out that I literally went out at the terrace/patio and puked directly onto a wall. Somehow I got my shirt sleeves and one side of my trousers fully covered in puke. One of my classmates helped me undress my shirt and gave me his spare T-Shirt. Then he guided me in a storage room where I had slept on a couch for about an hour.
[Here's a picture of my trousers that I took the morning after](https://imgur.com/LRCkvKo)
Then, one of my classmates got my phone and called my father to come and pick me up, which is exactly what happened, this being something I also don't remember. The worst part is I lost my phone that night and even after contacting my classmates and the restaurant administration I still haven't found it.
Obviously, I was very ashamed by what happened and I'm also very grateful towards my classmates that helped me out that night. As mentioned previously, I don't remember almost half of what happened which is a strong indicator that I got wayyy too drunk.
TL;DR: Went to a prom party with my classmates where I drank both vodka and brandy and also smoked, which made me throw up and lose my phone.
Fit_Ad_7681: Blacking out after drinking is the worst. It's the strangest feeling the next morning too when you can't remember anything.
AudiCostea: Yep, it’s definitely confusing when you don’t remember what happened
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1655926269 | 1655944389 | t3_vidc1r | t5_2to41 | 16 | SynGT: TIFU by wearing Vans while riding my motorcycle (w/ pic)
So, obligatory his happened about 5 years ago now, but in the end is probably the reason I ended up selling my motorcycle.
I used to ride my bike to work every chance I got. I had about a 20 minute commute that went through some quiet suburbs, that at the end crossed over a small section of highway. I also live in a state where there is no helmet law and because the ride was usually pretty relaxed, I had gotten pretty used to not wearing my helmet. I had a Harley, so it wasn't a bike necessarily built for speed.
So one summer they're doing construction on this bridge & they've got the road all tore up getting ready to repave. Traffic is moving at a pretty steady pace of about 50-55MPH. It's one of those days where you're leaving work & traveling directly into the sunlight & I run into one of those situations where everyone all of a sudden brakes right in front of you. I immediately I grab the brakes, but I can feel the bike to start slide. Not only is it sliding, but it's also fish-tailing and I can feel it slide back & forth a few times as I'm hurtling towards the back of this car.
And there is where the FU happened. I instinctually smash my right foot down to the pavement trying to balance the bike & my foot literally shoots through the shoe, ripping right through it. It managed to give me enough balance that I was able to turn the wheel & maneuver into the breakdown lane beside the car, as the bike came to a screeching halt right next to the drivers side door of this car.
This dude driving that car rolls his window down & says: "You really shouldn't be on a bike without a helmet. You better play the lottery tonight." He looked down at my shoes afters & adds on, "And get some actual motorcycles boots.".
I pretty much always wore my helmet after that, but I ended up selling the bike before the next summer. I'm pretty sure I was inches away from death.
Here's the aftermath: [https://imgur.com/a/RcOUdR2](https://imgur.com/a/RcOUdR2)
tl;dr - Almost died on a motorcycle & my foot ripped through my Vans trying to balance. Also, wear a helmet. <3
TrentonQuarantino89: Utah? Is that you?
SynGT: Close. But not really. 🙃
TrentonQuarantino89: Lol, glad you're safe and well dude. Happy cake day.
| 4 | 4 | |
1655927148 | 1655930931 | t3_vidnsm | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my GF I want to crossdress.
[deleted]
coldgator: The pronoun switching is so confusing
7785aaaaa: I don’t get it either. Is it “she” or “they”?
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1655927541 | 1655929881 | t3_vidt4h | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: Tifu by deleting an inappropriate text
[deleted]
aquay: Why were you estranged in the first place?
GullibleBathroom5616: U read much?
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1655930303 | 1655932951 | t3_vieurd | t5_2to41 | 7 | Southern_Name_4528: TIFU by opening my dads mail and I don’t know what to do now
So I guess I should start off by saying that my parents are legally separated (for tax purposes) at least that's what my dad likes to say. Today my dad had me go over to his house to get his mail due to him being out of state, and he didn't want it just sitting around. The only things that arrived where a letter for the previous owner and a letter from a
random address that was for my dad. I had texted him if he wanted me to open the letter for him since he had wanted to know if he got anything important,
but he never responded. So I just opens it up and it was a bill from planned parenthood for an hiv test. I was shocked because why tf would he ever need to
get an hiv test unless he was cheating. I just have no clue What to do, once he is back in town he will see that I opened the letter and know and I don't want to mess up my relationship with him and his
relationship with my siblings worse that it already is (it's not that great btw bc he is very controlling with money and never wants to pay for anything he is
also an asshole mose if the time). I just don't know what to do or what I even can do. I should also add that I've had my suspicions for a while now since we
once found a hidden condom in the basement bathroom when cleaning it up. My dad was the only one that used that bathroom and he has had a vasectomy for 16 years now. And another time when
I was standing behind my dad when I was talking to him he was swiping through his apps and I'm pretty sure I saw tinder. I really just need some advice on what to do.
TL;DR I opens my dads mail and found the bill for an HIV test meaning that he is cheating and I’m not sure what to do now.
opportunusadest: Just tell him honestly that you opened it and feel bad about it.
Or… just get another envelope and seal it shut.
Southern_Name_4528: I can’t do a new envelope because I already send him a picture of all the mail lined up (before I opened it) and it has a presorted first-class mail stamp on it
opportunusadest: In that case, honesty will be the easiest way.
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1655930797 | 1655980535 | t3_vif1fm | t5_2to41 | 15 | buckchub123: TIFU by crashing my car into my house.
Had a great day at work. Came home where DH and dog were waiting for me outside. Get so excited I start waiving and open garage to park car. So excited and rushing to greet them that I get distracted, over estimate my turn and before I know it I’ve hit my garage door and trim/foundation. Ruin car, garage door + track, and house. Few neighbors were outside and watched it all go down. Best catch is we haven’t even lived in the house for 2 months and I already damaged it. In shock and mortified at myself. Can barely recall it happening/how I did it. Feel horrible even though DH and family super supportive. Just trying to reassure myself that no one was hurt and thats the most important thing. Trying to tell myself that accidents happen. Can do nothing but move forward and learn from my mistake but still can’t believe it.
TL;DR - Got distracted, overshot and ran car into garage/house. Ruined car, garage door + track, and house.
fomoco94: DH? Designated hitter?
ElectroStaticSpeaker: Dear Husband. They use this terminology in parenting forums. Took me a while to figure out too.
nihcul: Better than what I assumed, “Domestic Housewife”
| 4 | 3.75 | |
1655932666 | 1655993142 | t3_vifrb6 | t5_2to41 | 0 | Nogirldate: TIFU by being a loser
I honestly don’t see myself getting a girlfriend. I know people say there’s someone out there for everyone but I don’t see how I’m even compatible with a girl. I have a lot of red flags, I don’t have female friends, I spend most of my time playing video games, I live with my parents, I don’t have a job, people tell me that I’m immature and naive, I don’t really know how to be handy around the house or work on cars.
I could keep going but I don’t think I have a lot to offer. Sure I could work on being a better person but I have so many problems that it could take years for me to finally get my shit together. Well I’m 29 so I guess I still have time but I’m just getting older and older. I think the biggest thing holding me back is my mindset though.
I support men’s rights and most girls think that guys who believe in that are a red flag. I feel like most women only want to date the top 10% of guys who make six figures, have abs, and who have a lot of female friends. I’m just saying that I’m so behind that I don’t think I’ll catch up. Everyone that I knew from high-school has like three kids now and a good job. I’m so behind in life.
Tl;Dr I don’t think I’ll get a girlfriend
AdvertisingFormer369: I'm 22 and i fuck hella bitches
Extinguish89: hands don't count
NostradaMart: i think he was talking about female dogs.
| 4 | 0 | |
1655933171 | 1655958791 | t3_vify6c | t5_2to41 | 6,350 | knightfall0: TIFU by using a different condom and demolishing my dick, resetting months of progress
Obligatory it happened last week. For some context, I'm uncircumcised.
I go the the store to pick up condoms and I see these Trojans with "spermicide lube". "Neat", I said to myself, "extra protection.
..***NO.***
Let me tell you how this particular spermicide works.Nonoxynol-9, the primary compound in the spermicide basically destroys the outer membrane of the sperm, preventing it from impregnating the egg. How? By shredding it to pieces. What Trojan DOESN'T tell you, is that it can also shred your skin on a microscopic level.
The box reads "some people may be sensitive to nonoxynol-9". Understatement of the decade. I couldn't pee pain-free for a week. My foreskin and penis head was so damaged, it swelled up for two days straight.
But that's not where my troubles stop. When I was a teen, I had a mild case of phimosis. For the uneducated, that means that the foreskin is tight, and doesn't retract all the way. If I tried, it would hurt. I was insecure about it, and I read extensively. The only two options were a circumcision, or slowly getting it loose. Traumatized by the idea of blades near my penis, I took it up on myself to loosen it up. Every few days, I would sit in warm water, and try to slowly pull it down. And after a couple of months I was finally successful.
If you've ever scraped any part of your skin, you know the new skin that grows is less elastic. Same with my foreskin. Not only was I in pain for a week, I also made my own condition worse. It's tighter than it has ever been.
TL;DR used a new condom with spermicide, shredded my dick skin so bad that I couldn't pee for a week, and made it tighter than it ever was.
LeaveNoStonedUnturn: Ouch. On so many different levels!
I (metaphorically) feel you. Keep playing with your dick. (Never thought I'd be able to give that advice as genuine, so thank you so much for that)
Reboot-account: Would circumcision help ?
cobrakazoo: the post states that it would. doesn't make it a pleasant option though
AtmanGotango: Well it's a much less unpleasant option as an adult than as a baby
cobrakazoo: I am lacking the requisite parts, but I'd wager that's true
AtmanGotango: At least as an adult you can understand what's going on and the wound isn't stuffed in a diaper with your excrement
GroovyYaYa: Yeah, because that is what new parents do... they make sure shit gets all over it.
Blood-Sport: The poop doesn't just stay where you tell it to...
ThisIsWhoIAm78: Unless you are failing to change or clean your child, it is not an issue. Shit rarely goes forward anyway, it's more likely to head up the back. And if shit got all over the penis frequently, that would be an issue for uncircumcised as well, talk about a UTI!
Vaseline is applied to the circumcised area at every diaper change, which protects it from moisture and urine, and there are no stitches - it's essentially a thin abrasion circumferentially which heals quickly.
Blood-Sport: I have a 2 year old if it's not solid it likes to go forward? You can change her the second she's done and sometimes it goes forward? Have you even changed a diaper? On boys it goes forward to and all over the balls and penis also.
ThisIsWhoIAm78: I have had two children, yes. And we are talking about a newborn boy, not a female toddler about to be potty trained. Nice try though.
Blood-Sport: This happened with her when she was a newborn as well?
| 13 | 488.461538 | |
1655933477 | 1655936691 | t3_vig230 | t5_2to41 | 64 | [deleted]: TIFU by losing my temper at my severely traumatized girlfriend and making her cry twice
[deleted]
RedPepperJ32: Repost I read this a week ago then it was deleted
djquik1: With different names too https://reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/vf7rzl/tifu_by_leaving_my_girlfriend_while_she_was/
RedPepperJ32: No there was an actual identical post of this same names but he cut out the part where his girlfriend tried to kill herself and is now in the hospital
| 4 | 16 | |
1655933987 | 1656053754 | t3_vig916 | t5_2to41 | 7 | YourLocaIKaren: TIFU by accidentally humping my doctor’s hand
Alright so; I’m a 14 year old girl who’s currently in the hospital for an overdose because my mind wasn’t responding correctly to the new Tenex that I had been taking prior to this incident.
Essentially what happened was that my doctor was checking my vitals, and then he went to go feel ,y stomach for any odd feelings that may have been telltale signs of unusual deformities in my stomach region. He lifted my shirt just a little bit and I’m not used to this as in regular physical checkups at my main doctor they just feel my chest for breathing and heart rate. After he lifted my shirt, I was obviously uncomfortable, (my breasts weren’t showing but a big chunk of my stomach and groin were.)
He begun to feel the upper area of it and I was fine then, but then he got to my lower area and for some reason my body partially involuntarily thrusted upwards and caused my scrub pants to move further down to the point where you could easily see some of my pubic hairs, (I can’t shave here, as razors are considered weapons.) I was now mildly horny, and dude saw and felt my pubes and I was so embarrassed.
He acted as though he hadn’t seen anything, but it was clear by the expression on his face that he was uncomfortable
TL;DR My doctor was doing a lower stomach check and I accidentally thrusted up where his hand was exposing things
Smeuthi: An accidental or a deliberate overdose?
Long-Perception6764: why does it matter?
Smeuthi: Because the way the first paragraph is worded implies that this overdose was something outside of their control. If a person tells themselves that they have no control over behaviours like this then they will continue doing these behaviours.
Bozwell99: I don't think she posted here for the benefit of your amateur psychological analysis.
Smeuthi: Sounds like this kid needs help. And yeah, that's not explicitly what they're asking for here so fuck me for trying to offer some, right? I am actually a mental health professional and I'm not doing a psychological analysis. I'm offering op help that they didn't ask for and aren't engaging.
| 6 | 1.166667 | |
1655933558 | 1655936639 | t3_vig36y | t5_2to41 | 7 | llily__: TIFU by getting a spray tan.
I have prom on Friday. I thought, my last time at the school needs to me memorable so I'll go all out; I got a spray tan. Now, the spray tanner was great, she knew exactly what she was doing, was really calm & welcoming and not judgemental at all. So you're probably thinking.. well how did you fuck up?
I didn't want to get completely naked in front of a total stranger, so i just stripped down to my bra and panties. I thought, bra is fine, i'm not going to be showing anyone my boobs anytime soon - and the same with my kitty. I didn't think it mattered, until I got home.
I went to the bathroom and pulled my shorts and panties down to reveal possibly the worst tan lines ever, the colour difference is insane. I went from pale and somewhat pasty to a bronzed babe. You're probably now thinking, I don't see the problem? The problem is I have stripes. I am striped from the top of my thigh to the top of my hip, I am striped from my nipple outwards. And that, is not good. Now, no one will be able to see of course, but on that odd chance that me and my boyfriend could get down to the deed on the weekend, I'd feel very self conscious, yet it's 100% my own fault.
TL;DR: Today i fucked up by not removing all my clothing for a spray tan.
kaxtzx: so umm so what's the issue tho? you want to go to the prom in a bikini? you can fix it later if it's only the intimate parts.
llily__: i'll probably just leave the intimate parts honestly, there's nothing wrong with the tan lines & if my boyfriend finds it unattractive then he isn't a man
kaxtzx: that's a good choice.
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1655935226 | 1655994882 | t3_vigppy | t5_2to41 | 199 | cipherX76: TIFU by making my best friend hate me
[removed]
cbri: At your age drama is everything because you don’t have any other experiences. Don’t be part of it. Just be you, don’t talk about people, and be kind.
Remember tv and movies aren’t real life in any way.
cipherX76: yeah thanks bro appreciate it i just haven’t found someone that cares about me as much as her so it’s been tough.
cbri: Just be cool for awhile and keep saying hi and stuff until she quits being mad.
That’s what I used to do, and it usually worked.
Good luck!
cipherX76: Hey man just a little status update: so it’s been a little bit and she’s already back it has been a little shaky she started trying to ignore me. i just wanted to tell you that you are actually amazing for helping me out she’s already back to normal for the most part. I can’t explain how much you helped me out i was really hurting but in the end it all worked out thank you.
cbri: That's awesome! I'm so glad to hear that you guys are patching up and becoming close again. Time does wonders for just about everything emotional :).
Take it slow, let her talk more than you, user her name constantly and you'll be golden. I'm glad you're not hurting anymore!
| 6 | 33.166667 | |
1655935138 | 1656035076 | t3_vigoc2 | t5_2to41 | 14 | Nah_itz_Ceral: TIFU by stopping my antidepressants cold turkey
[removed]
ElementTopics: It's never a joke to deal with depression. Hope all goes well.
Try GoodRx or [https://costplusdrugs.com/](https://costplusdrugs.com/) (Mark Cuban's Pharmacy) for the meds.
Nah_itz_Ceral: Thanks for these! I’ll check them out and hopefully this won’t happen again!
Osi0425: Depending on the medication, the manufacturer may have a low-cost program, too. Check their website. It kept me medicated when I was unemployed.
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1655934867 | 1655938422 | t3_vigkql | t5_2to41 | 4 | Additional_Breath_89: TIFU by accidentally drink driving
This was about 30 min ago and I got very lucky that no harm was done…
My wife is busy on Wednesday evenings as she has rehearsals for an am/dram society she’s MD for - so she essentially sorts the kids and then leaves as soon as I walk through the door from work - no tea.
So she came home and was looking through the cupboards, fridge ETC. looking for some quick food to eat.
I suggested I go to maccies to get a takeaway (she has had a far longer day than I have and deserved to chill and watch love island (🙄))
So I got to the drive thru and was contemplating getting some coke to add some rum to and if that’s the sign of an alcoholic, and then thought ‘I’ve had a couple of beers when the wife was out… and 3 drinks on a weekday is a bit much’
Hang on… 3 drinks?
Fuuuck. I’ve had 2 pint cans of beer on an empty stomach. And am in the driving seat of my car. What do I do?!
(FYI I don’t think I’m that much of a lightweight, but drink drive laws in the UK are quite strict)
So I collected my food, drove home terrified, obviously I didn’t crash, didn’t get pulled over and no harm done.
But if I’d got pulled over I’d lose my licence (and work 20 miles away as well as work on call from home), I’d get a potential criminal record (a big no no for my job and has caused people in my profession to be struck off before) and a massive fine… as well as the theoretical condition of jail time…
All for a maccies wrap of the day and a quarter pounder for my wife….
So before you go out kids - remember if you’ve been drinking 🤣
TL:DR - forgot I’d had a couple of pints of beer before driving to get a take away…
DoIKnowYouHuman: UK laws aren’t as strict as others, but I wish more humans thought of just not touching their keys after any amount instead of wildly guessing what amount is legal or illegal…there’s a reason that legislation is to put ‘units’ on the label but measure in whatever for breath/blood/urine as being legal.
Good that you know it’s likely illegal to do what you did, next step is to accept that keys should be lost before opening a drink
Additional_Breath_89: I agree.
I honestly completely forgot I’d had a drink (was dozing and watching some crap on the telly!)- I’ve never driven after more than a half of shandy before. I’m just grateful there was no negative outcome - but trust me it’s not becoming the norm for me.
DoIKnowYouHuman: You are a good human! Glad you made it home with the maccas alright!
| 4 | 1 | |
1655937544 | 1655939869 | t3_vihl6p | t5_2to41 | 9 | LimitlessSkillz: TIFU by accidentally getting stoned out of my mind at my hotel job
Firstly let me start off by saying I do not nor have I never smoked marijuana in my life but anyway I am a houseman at a Hilton hotel and it’s my job to pull the dirty linen out of each vacant room. Today one of the house keepers decided to pull rooms and Strip it of all the linen with me and we came across a room that had a vape in it. I vape on a regular basis and would occasionally smoke cigarettes here and there but I don’t smoke anything other than that, however the vape looked really familiar so I decided “why not.” So we grab the vape off of the counter careful not to let anyone passing by the room see. Me and the housekeeper began puffing away and then it happened…I began to stare blankly at the bed and entire scenarios were playing in my mind, I couldn’t move, speak, or breathe on my own. I stumbled my way outside the room and tried my absolute best to text my fiancé who also worked there and she rushed up as soon as she could. I pretty much collapsed and my manager and my fiancé Carried me out to my car and let me rest until she finished the job.
TLDR: I got super high at work by a vape a guest had left behind in their room, blacked out and got carried to my car by my manager
allpraisebirdjesus: oh noooooo and you don't smoke at all??? how many hits did you take? i'm just happy you didn't throw up. those vapes are POTENT
Reasonable-Tune2517: It’s actually true, I’m his fiancé ❤️
LimitlessSkillz: Hi baby 😊
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1655937445 | 1655941224 | t3_vihjxc | t5_2to41 | 25 | SadnessT-T: TIFU by nearly dying impressing a guy
The day started with a light drizzle which later cleared to reveal a bright summer sky. Ah yes- the perfect day for... math....... yay.
At the very least, I was able to see my friends again during this summer school. This made us look forward to being rowdy teenagers again.(not really, we're good kids.) We finished a ton of math problems, then took a small break(nothing interesting.) After more epic math solving, we arrived to that golden hour, lunch.
My friend and I don't tend to get lunch, so we decided to go to the MPR to entertain ourselves with the workout equipment.
A bit about my friend, he is strong. No exaggeration. He is an absolute beast on the arm lift, he can tie with the strongest man in school in a fiery arm wrestling competition, and has the innate charm of Thomas Shelby.
I've been called his genderbend twin before, with a similar hair style, and height(me being 5'3", him nearing 5'4".) But here's the major difference between us... I am not strong. Think noodle arm level beta.
I can barely push myself off the bed in the morning, and I will almost always lose a tragic battle against the weakest players in our arm wrestling competitions. But I have ambitions to become the strongest of them all, and so we take our leave.
We arrived at our location when I spot... her.
The infamous bench press of the school, where only the strongest of the strong may come near her glowing presence.
I've wanted to try that brench press for a while now, and seeing that beauty in front of me aroused a sweet, gentle melody the moment I laid my young eyes on her.
I asked my friend if he wanted to try it first, he shook his head no.
This should've been red flag number 1.
He said the weights added close to 90 pounds, and he wasn't completely sure he was able to lift that much on the bench press.
Red flag #2
I shrugged him off, and naive me stepped towards her everlasting elegance, forgetting that every rose has her thorns.
Laid back on the seat, I began to prep myself to shock the world with my amazing strength. That's when I had a glance of... him.
Basketball in hand, he gracefully glided across the floor like an olympic ice skater. Luscious coffee brown hair perfectly framing his expression of excitement, and focus in the game. His hands skillfully directing the ball towards the net, a light drop of sweat dripping down his neck.
Okay, now I absolutely had to shock my world- I mean, the world.
I had to prove the strength of my love for... him. So, deluded by my own twisted logic, I reasoned, "If my friend is able to lift a 170lb man off the ground like a sumo wrestler, then I'm able to lift 90lbs with enough arm work. All I have to do I lift it up a bit, put it back, then I would have proven to all my fellows peers my immense strength. I'll look so awesome."
So I do the deed, putting only a minimal amount of strength into it... alright, I admit I couldn't lift it up at first, and my friend was behind me, a face filled with worry, and started pleading for me to stop.
Apparently my inability to lift two 45lbs weights wasn't enough to prove to myself just how weak I was.
But I was too deep into this now.
So, I tried again.
Foggy glasses, and messed up bangs had no effect on my determination to succeed. And... I did it, I actually managed to lift 90lbs over my head. I genuinely impress mself. With much pride, I maneuvered my arms to gently place the weight down on the hook after the half a second of my amazing show passed.
However, reality came crashing down on me... quite literally. I had miscalculated the distance of the hook, causing the heavy weight to tumble down towards my trembling lap.
I can't emphasize this enough, 90 whole pounds fell on me. Let me remind you, I am a 5'3" girl with noodle arms and big dreams. I couldn't end my life right here. But there was nothing I could do but lay there and accept the punishment of her majesty.
Oh, the pain... surprisingly didn't last long. At the moment I have a small ache near my abdomen, but nothing serious on my body. Emotionally though... I knew I was ruined because...
He.
Saw.
Everything.
But luckily, he was kind enough to scold me a bit after helping me get the weight off my thighs. We're friends. What a helpful guy.
So the rest of that math class was filled with silent screams from both the embarrassment, and sudden hunger of the event. Much sadness T - T
TLDR: Embarrassed myself in front of him, but atleast I got something else to fall for me ;)
pinkfluidonthewall: I was so worried halfway through. I'm glad your fine. And you know, you could use stuff you're already good at to impress people.
SadnessT-T: I know- call it a spur in the moment thing, but it's definitely something I won't do again... until I get as strong as my friend that is. Even then, not going to happen for a long time.
Perhaps I'll try serenading him with cheesy pick up lines, he'll get a laugh out of them. Thanks for the suggestion :)
pinkfluidonthewall: I hope you get him. 😁
| 4 | 6.25 | |
1655940276 | 1655952481 | t3_viijzv | t5_2to41 | 3 | Satorainius: TIFU and wasted an hour of my life.
This just happend. Still pissed.
My buddy and i were playing some direct games in MTG Arena. I was bored and my brain had the stupid idea of "Hey let's put every card we own into one deck".
While we were adding talks we were talking in voice. After we were done adding the 1st color we were like "It would be a big troll if Arena doesn't limit the deck size while adding cards but does limit it when saving a deck."
Oh boy we should have checked at the moment. Would have saved us alot of time...
After i added 3400+ cards i was done. I hit save and was greeted with something like "There are issues with your deck and it cannot besaved. Your deck contains more then 250 card."
tl:dr
Tried to add over 3400 cards to a deck in MTG Arena but the maximum decksize is 250 cards.
CunnillingusMan: Wow.
Shouldn't you be in study hall?
Satorainius: Why should i? If i want to see gen z kids i turn on some Reality tv junk
| 3 | 1 | |
1655951412 | 1655953126 | t3_vim698 | t5_2to41 | 0 | Demonicstop: TIFU by learning about cartels
I wish I didn’t browse so many things on the internet. I think I’d be happier. I learned about drug cartels today. They post videos of themselves online killing and torturing people in the worst ways. I don’t understand why the Unites States or Mexico doesn’t send an army or something to deal with the cartels. They literally video themselves committing crimes. Why does no one do anything?
I’m so scared to even go to Mexico now. I kinda don’t want to leave the United States in general anymore. You have these people beheading, mutilating, and chainsawing people for fun. How do you even get to the point where you can do that to another human being?
I’m going to take a break from the intent. Pray for me please cause I can’t handle this. I’m going to be paranoid that some Cartel is going to kidnap me and torture me. I’m thankful to live in a nice neighborhood but I’m still scared. I feel really bad for the people they video and kill too.
Tl;Dr I watched some cartel videos
blaake12: Ok
Demonicstop: I don’t understand your comment. Do you think I should feel differently or something?
Welcome2GoodBurger_: This is the same fear I have for the GOP and the white supramacy here in the US. How can we do something abroad when we can barely protect ourselves from the radical white nationalist in this country.
| 4 | 0 | |
1655951580 | 1656006545 | t3_vim84i | t5_2to41 | 28,567 | Yue4prex: TIFU by asking my fiancé to partake in CNC while I was asleep
This happened years ago, but it’s funny but also scarred my fiancé (now husband) for life I think.
First things first, CNC is consensual non consent. There are various types of CNC and the type I asked about was while I was asleep. I was going to bed early and told my fiancé that he could *wake me up* so to speak. I went to bed sans clothes and next thing I knew, I woke up and he was thoroughly freaked out.
My fiancé came home and was getting ready for the deed and had the condom on and what not… I guess when he started to touch me, I started yelling, “NO NO NOOO, NO, NOOOO, NO!” And he got so freaked out, he immediately was not into it anymore and took the condom off.
The snap of the condom coming off literally “snapped me out of it.” I very innocently went, “what happened? I thought you were going to wake me up?”
Needless to say, we’ve been married almost 13 years and he has never attempted this or any other CNC type of act again.
TL;DR: I asked my fiancé to wake me up with sex and I said no repeatedly while asleep. I freaked out my fiancé and he stopped and hasn’t tried again after 13 years.
Edit to add: I really didn’t expect many likes or comments but since it kind blew up, I told my husband and he said, “tell them that that wasn’t you, it was Patricia.”
Oh, he also thought CNC meant machinery and I had to explain the acronym to him. However, in my friendly lady Facebook group, everyone knew what CNC was 😂
Ramiren: Dude just wanted to play some Command and Conquer, instead he gets tricked into sex and sleep-yelled at.
Yue4prex: Ugh, I know, I’m such a disappointment 🫠
MadCarcinus: *"Unit Lost."*
silence036: *Battle control offline*
DeviousAardvark: *Nuclear missile launched*
loscapos5: Yezzur
Aknooledge
Affarmatif
_BoxxyContin: high speed, low drag😎
Andronycus88: Death from above.
loscapos5: Armour superiority
ModsDontLift: SPREAD
THE DOOM
Bignona: Kirov reporting
monkeyhitman: Cha-ching!
CamelopardalisRex: Zis gun is heffy.
Zeracannatule: You must build additional pylons.
| 15 | 1,904.466667 | |
1655946508 | 1655980724 | t3_vikljo | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my best friend who’s been clean for 5 year of self harm that something has kept her clean (TW suicide)
[deleted]
Vast-Operation517: Sounds like a drama queen someone who talks about it like that just wants attention. The people that don't say anything are the ones that actually do it.
Hayashi_Cos: Ew, why would you say that?
Vast-Operation517: Cause it's true... down vote me idc.
doyoulikemyhatsir: Not true. I've lost multiple friends to suicide, some warned, some didn't.
| 5 | 0.2 | |
1655951918 | 1656096339 | t3_vimbuo | t5_2to41 | 48 | AddWorksXXX: TIFU By Misreading A Social Cue
This actually happened a while ago but I thought it would be fun to share here since I didn't have a Reddit at the time it happened.
A few years ago, I (20M at the time) worked as a pharmacy technician for Walgreens. I've always been a little awkward with customers because of my autism, but I spent the majority of my childhood in spectrum-specific therapy and have worked very hard on closing the social gap between myself and other people. Typically, unless you've known me for a very long time or I've told you, people tend not to know that I have autism at all. I can communicate in most customer-service situations without much trouble, though every once in a while something awkward happens.
I was at the front counter helping customers, alternating between working the front and filling prescriptions in the back. My pharmacist and I were good friends and typically the only two working, so we were almost always pretty busy. But we did have regulars and though I'm bad with names, I got to know a handful of their last names so I could have their medications ready to go before they got to the counter. This was one of those times. An older, middle-eastern man who was one of our kinder regulars approached the counter and struck up a polite conversation. I've always had a little more trouble understanding his tone because he's typically a bit more serious, even when he's joking. And I've never been able to predict what kind of jokes he might make or what he might do next.
As we were making friendly conversation and joking around a bit, he suddenly held his hand out with his palm facing up. This is where I started really overthinking things. What did he want? A high-five? Was it a gesture of some sort? I couldn't figure it out in the short few seconds I had to react, so I decided on what I saw as the most reasonable course of action. I reached my own hand out slowly and put it on top of his open hand. It wasn't even a high-five, not really. Just me subtly holding hands with this customer over the counter, giving him a completely clueless stare.
He quickly pulled his hand back, gave me a strange look, and gruffly said: "No. My prescription."
I realized what he wanted at that point and I have to admit, I was pretty embarrassed. I handed him his checked-out prescription and watched him leave but for the rest of the day I found myself thinking back on the situation and internally screaming at how silly I had been. To this day, this is still one of my family's favorite funny stories to tell at reunions.
TLDR; I, an autistic, former-pharmacy technician, put my hand in a customer's outstretched hand instead of realizing he was asking for his prescription.
coldgator: We've all done something like that. He probably forgot about it.
farrenkm: This. I mean, we get stage fright and other such conditions, but after a day very few people are going to be thinking about it, and within a week it's literally last week's news. Also, I think about how I would react if I saw someone screw up. Something like this would be forgotten pretty quickly.
AddWorksXXX: You're both probably right! But I will definitely be agonizing over it on my deathbed haha.
| 4 | 12 | |
1655954973 | 1664747888 | t3_vina1t | t5_2to41 | 1,247 | Hygge-: TIFU by using nair on my cooter cat and underestimating the power of hair removal cream
This did actually happen today
So about a week ago I (23F) bought sensitive formula nair for my legs because I thought being smooth without the hassle of shaving sounded nice. I put it on my legs, waited 10 mins, and then rinsed it off. It did absolutely nothing. I was like wtf? So the next night I put it on for 15 mins, and it worked a little, but nowhere near as good as shaving. So I just ended up shaving with a new razor I bought with the nair.
Well tonight I decided I would (briefly, too briefly) google if I could use nair for my nether regions and google said sure! So I slathered it on everywhere that had hair and tried to avoid the places that didn't without another thought. I remembered it didn't work for my legs so I figured I'd let it on 15 mins. In that time I walked around the bathroom like a cowboy and cleaned my shower like a crab to pass the time.
I felt that type of itch that you get when your hair starts growing back, so I thought yay it must be working! I may have left it on a couple more minutes than 15 just for good measure because pubic hair is thicker than leg hair, or maybe not, but that was what I thought in those stupid, stupid fucking moments. Then I got a white wash cloth and started wiping away the hair in the shower, which wiped away super easy. Yay it worked. Then the cloth came away pink and I thought... huh that's weird.
Weird indeed because around the vicinity of my flaps was bleeding. That itch was my flesh being chemically burned. I ran cold water over the afflicted area for about 20 mins and now I'm not sure how to explain to anyone why I'm walking strange.
TLDR tonight I fucked up by assuming nair would work the same on my pubic region as it did on my legs and leaving it on for 20 mins, chemically burning my punani
Brewser2017: I recently learned a similar lesson in that the "nair sensitive" that everyone raves about for the down the use is not so sensitive on giant pregnancy hemorrhoids. Accidentally got a bit on there and i felt like my bootyhole was on fire for a while. Good luck in your hair removal journey
filthymcbastard: Sorry for going slightly off-topic, but I need to share. (I'm male, by the way.) So, one day at work, like two years ago, I was in the restroom, having recently finished number two, and where I expected a bounty of extra rolls of tp, was empty. There were no paper towels, it was one of those continuous cloth towels. But, there were some Clorox wipes.
Now I've used those before, to clean sinks and toilets and doorknobs. I didn't wear gloves, and they didn't burn my skin. Plus, I thought "they would surely expect someone like me to try this, and make their product idiot proof!"
The burning was indescribable. I flew off of that toilet and hung my hams over the edge of the sink, one of those deep utility sinks, and started trying to rinse the pain away.
The only soap available to me was some rough pumice hand cleaner. The abrasiveness was not my friend.
When I was done, I decided to hell with it, and used the cloth roll towel to dry off with.
Once the pain and terror was done, I honestly can't remember ever feeling so incredibly clean in my b-hole area. I didn't check, but I may have literally bleached it back to the original factory coloring.
Hamma_Jamma_904: It’s the “hung my hams” line for me 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
filthymcbastard: Thank you. I try to paint a picture with my words.
| 5 | 249.4 | |
1655944988 | 1655962376 | t3_vik3na | t5_2to41 | 27 | CranberryTaboo: TIFU by not binding safely
TIFU by not binding safely
Marked nsfw both because it's body-adjascent and also because OSHA would have a fit.
The fuckup was days ago but the effects are now.
The other day, I was sorting through old clothes and I found a sports bra that I hadn't worn in a while. It was a little small on me now but it fit well enough to flatten things out so I put it on and wore it for a while, even exercising in it.
The next day around noon I started getting horrible shooting pains in my left side, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. I was scared I was having heart problems. It settled down after I went to bed so I figured it might have been just random pain.
The next two days were much the same. I would be fine but slowly the pain would creep up, and I would eventually get hit with waves of sharp, unavoidable pain in my side. I went to the doctor twice and they couldn't really figure out what might be wrong, even after tests.
Then I remembered the bra, and thought "oh, for fucks sake."
The pain finally went away around the third day or so, leading me to believe I temporarily fucked myself up by wearing a too small sports bra and crushing my chest.
Happy pride, everyone! Bind safely.
TL ; DR I wore a bad binder and thought I was having stomach/heart problems for two days.
JamieDrone: I, as a guy, didn’t know this could happen
Thanks for the info
CranberryTaboo: Yep! And it's extra frustrating because I knew better in some part of my mind, I've read lots of articles about why binding with the wrong implements can be damaging, but I thought it'd be fine for just a few hours...
| 3 | 9 | |
1655951585 | 1655960087 | t3_vim86p | t5_2to41 | 39 | scotchtapelord: TIFU by trolling myself
Woke up at 5am to drive to another state to have my late mother's safe deposit box drilled open. She died eight years ago but my father didn't bother telling the bank so her name stayed on their joint account and the box was never closed. He died last year and I'm dealing with everything now.
I was pretty sure my mom had sent me to empty out the box when she entered hospice so I knew it was going to be a waste of time, but I wanted to be absolutely sure.
The locksmith drills open the box and then the banker hands the box to me, I open it and find... A flipped-over business card with a crudely sketched trollface staring back at me. Suddenly I flash back to eight years ago when I put it there, thinking some banker was going to find it once they found out my mother had passed away... But nope, my dad never informed them, and kept paying for it. So there I was, dumbfounded, equal parts amused and embarrassed. I think I may frame the business card.
TLDR: Woke up at 5am and drove three hours to step on a trolling landmine I set up eight years ago in my dying mother's otherwise empty safe deposit box.
littlebigeric: 100% frame that bad boy. In a shadow box with other mementos. That’s a memory and a conversation starter for life. I’m sorry to hear about your parents. I hope you reflect them in every good way. Best of luck to you out there and keep breathing!
scotchtapelord: Thanks! You keep breathing, too!
| 3 | 13 | |
1655957703 | 1656015534 | t3_vio44w | t5_2to41 | 7 | the_duck_mann: TIFU by posting photos in my University group chat
So, my University is moving campus. It’s been in the works for ages. For the last months however it’s been a “secret” that no one knows but every student knows anyway because one of the lecturers has loose lips. Due to some state regulations of some sort, they’re not allowed to let us know the address, except that it’s in the city’s CBD. That’s all well and good, but half the campus knows the location and the new address because word gets around. Except, yesterday I was walking through the city, something a rarely do, and I realised I was walking past the new campus, which is a renovation construction site, and I decided it’d be cool to grab some photos through the open doors from the pavement outside and let my friends know how the work was turning out. So I took them on Snapchat and sent them off to our group chat. Anyways, I didn’t realise but apparently Snapchat has has a new update where you can save Snaps.
So someone (or some more) got concerned that the new campus wasn’t going to be finished on time for the next semester (which is the opening date) to start and decided to tell the University Head that they were concerned. Lo and behold, my name gets dragged in and the photos I took. We’re not meant to know the address, and then someone threatens to pull out of the course. Suddenly, there’s a registration issue as well as a privacy and security of information issue. And my photos on the group chat.
So long story short I spent 15 minutes with my Uni Head going off at me for taking photos without permission, making people anxious about the construction, and also why I knew where the new campus was. Apparently they’re now facing an external review as well because the state regulation body is investigating whether the campus will be completed on time, and someone also said that I took the photos from inside the building, which is a security issue.
I’m in deep shit for supposedly entering a construction site, accessing classified information about the new campus and for taking photos of a private building.
TL;DR what happens in the group chats DOESN’T stay in the group chat, and now the University hates me for taking photos of their new campus (that we weren’t supposed to know about).
Potatotornado20: Start planning on transferring.
throwawaysbacct1: Yep , wouldn’t plan on graduating here now.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1655957947 | 1655961595 | t3_vio6rq | t5_2to41 | 22 | mrswister: TIFU By watching the Stanley Cup final game on my girlfriends computer.
So about an hour ago I was watching the game on my girlfriends computer (she had fallen asleep about 30 minutes before overtime) after the Av’s won, 2 of her friends (i’ve known one of the friends longer than she has and introduced the two) were celebrating in the group message. Since the notification popped up i opened the chat, responded with “this is *my name* watching the game on *gfs* computer, electric overtime, great win.” that was it getting read to close computer. (i should mention it’s a mac so it was through imessage) As i’m about to close the computer i see a conversation on the left side with her ex which is weird because last she told me they weren’t in contact anymore and had been broken up for 3 years.
So because i can’t help myself, i open the messages and read through. essentially they had facetimed in early june and have been talking sporadically throughout the month. This generally wouldn’t bother me but she would send a pic and ask if a hairstyle looked cute or something like that. Then about 5 days ago in the thread she asked if he would drive to *big city we used to live in* to see her. He says “yes of course i’ve said it before” (he’s about 1-2 hours away) and she goes “okay just making sure you didn’t forget” On one hand i wouldn’t care about a question like that because we live across the country now and have been for a year BUT she’s flying out to *big city* for a best friends birthday tomorrow and will be there til next tuesday. We’ve been dating for a year and 9 months and been living together for a year and a half. I’m pretty confident I want to marry this girl one day and since we’ve been dating i’ve trusted her completely and now i don’t know what to think… I want to bring this up to her tomorrow before she leaves but I don’t know how to… Currently sitting in our living room having a mild panic attack hoping this might help.
TLDR: Watched hockey on girlfriends computer, saw she’s been texting an ex and she might meet up with him sometime when she goes on vacation tomorrow.
Edit: Changed to say left side of iMessage, accidentally put right earlier while freaking out
LegendOmegaX: This is 50-50 situation. She might have contacted the guy because he's got some connection to her best friend or it's what you fear. Be very candid and ask her if she talks to her ex and you'll have your answer.
mrswister: thanks man I appreciate it. Yeah he has no connection to her best friend and all her friends kinda hate him tbh bc he treated her like shit. Definitely having a chat in the morning
LegendOmegaX: Well, okay. That's suspicious. If she says she's not talking to him then you could probably let her best friend in on this and ask her to keep an eye out. Not the best thing to do but desperate times call for desperate measures.
mrswister: yeah that’s what was thinking. i’m pretty good friends with another of her friends that’s going to the birthday so I’ll them keep an eye out
LegendOmegaX: Alright, cool. I hope it really is nothing.
| 6 | 3.666667 | |
1655954594 | 1655974908 | t3_vin5up | t5_2to41 | 131 | ImThe1Wh0: TIFU by helping my wife put IcyHot on her shoulder
This just happened, like 10 mins ago. I'm squinting thru tears and laughter, so please forgive me if there's misspelled words. Thank the gods for autocorrect.
So my wife hurt her shoulder and it's bedtime. I get up early for work, like 4 am early. It's late at night for me right nowm I'm very tired. Before bed, my wife askede to put IcyHot on her shoulder and neck where it hurt. Of course I helped her and when done, I spread the excess on my fingers and mooshed them into my finger joints. I then huge open mouth yawned and rubbed my eyes like a sleepy toddlers. Big mistake.
The IcyHot had not dried onto my hands yet and I just smeared IcyHot goop like it was cool, all over my eyes. I just thought it was weird at first, like... 'Why are my eyes leaking? Am I crying? Oh gods why are my eyes warm all of a sudden?!'
Then it hit me and I just cover my eyes with my forearm and start laughing. She sits up and asks what so funny and she sees my eyes and I look all... Pink eyeosh with goop and she's all, "you did not..." And I laughed and said I did!!! She pushed me into the bathroom tonwask it off but that shit only spread more EVERYWHERE and now my eyes balls feel like your mouth after eating mint gum and drinking water!! I mean, it's hilarious but still... So painful
Morale of the story, wash your hands
TLDR I accidentally touched my eyes with fresh IcyHot and washed it off, only to spread it more EVERYWHERE on my face and eyes.
jakewotf: When I was younger I put Icy Hot on my inner thighs after soccer practice because they were sore af. The Icy Hot then applied itself to my ballsack.
Do not do this. Ever.
GoatRocketeer: Same exact experience.
Sore inner thigh as child, dig thru cupboard for some relief, find bengay ultra strength.
Apply to inner thigh, smear tiny bit on ballsack, choke back blood curdling scream
| 3 | 43.666667 | |
1655960938 | 1656022559 | t3_vip1ie | t5_2to41 | 959 | Gatorsforthiscreator: TIFU by pranking my boyfriend for the last several weeks
So, we own Roku TVs. We somehow lost all Roku remotes? Or maybe they broke. I don’t remember. Regardless, we ended up downloading Roku remotes on our phones. From the Roku remote app you can control any tv connected to the same WiFi as your phone. I’ve thought it’s hilarious to continually mess with my boyfriend by changing the channels, messing with the volume, turning it off, etc etc. He’s asked me a couple times if I noticed the tv has a mind of its own, and my goal here was to convince we have a ghost, so of course I said yes I’ve noticed that it’s been happening. I’ve upped the prank by increasing the amount of times this happens within a single sitting. Mind you I’m doing this from a completely different part of the house so he never thought it could be me messing with him….
Well, I took it far enough last night to the point where i decided hey I’m gonna go on YouTube, look up the most creepy eerie video I can, and then connect to the tv to really scare him. I’m such an asshole. It worked. I heard him shut the tv off immediately and leave the room. While waiting for him to come in to where I was to humor me with his reaction I figured it would be most believable if I pretended I was asleep, then I was gonna confess it was me this whole time. While pretending, however, I actually fell asleep.
I woke up this morning and our 3 month old $700 tv was unmounted and being hauled away by someone off of Facebook market place.
I haven’t told him yet.
EDIT/Update: for starters I just want to say not that it matters when you’re in a relationship but I bought this TV to begin with. I ended up telling him and he thought it was absolutely fucking hilarious he thought it was even funnier that the prank backfired on me because he sold the TV. He told me he never thought it was haunted he just thought it was broken. This is me and my boyfriends relationship we have had an ongoing prank war for months. He literally put breast milk in my coffee a couple weeks ago that he got from his sister. We are brutal when it comes to the pranks we both pull on each other but we love it. All is well that ends well.
Second edit: thanks for all the “you’re awful. I’d leave you. You’re an asshole.” Comments. My boyfriend and I are laughing our asses off over how pressed people are for him.
TL;DR : my boyfriend sold our tv on Facebook market place because I played a prank on him.
la_madonna_porca: NTA your tv, your rules
Vitalis597: Wasn't her TV. Wasn't her rules. Also this isn't AITA but yes the fuck she is.
imnota4: Was her TV.
Vitalis597: "So, we own Roku TVs"
Literally the first sentence.
How are you this dense?
imnota4: she also literally said she paid for it. You're the dense one lmao.
Vitalis597: You mean, in the edit that she made after I made my comment?
Yeah. Sure. I'm dense for not being telepathic.
imnota4: The edit was there when I posted *my* comment, hence why I posted it.
Vitalis597: And yet, it was not there when I made mine, yet still I'm dense for not knowing something I was not told?
imnota4: You called me dense first for saying it was her TV based on an edit she made that apparently wasn't there for you but was there for me.
| 10 | 95.9 | |
1655960449 | 1656126865 | t3_viowm0 | t5_2to41 | 38 | FlashyFoot3277: TIFU by donating blood with my dad (UPDATE)
The link to the original post https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/v75ahh/tifu_by_donating_blood_with_my_dad/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb
I waited a couple days and then just went to my mom and asked her when my dad wasn’t there. I said something like “mama I took a blood test with daddy and found out he can’t be my dad if my blood type is O” I didn’t say that specifically but something along those lines. She just looked at me for like 5 minutes then it’s like she fixed her mouth to say an excuse but just told me the truth.
She said her and my daddy were “together” but my dad was messing with a lot of other women so she started messing with somebody else too. She ended up getting pregnant and told my daddy and the other man she was pregnant and that she was going to take care of her baby regardless but if they wanted to stay they could. The other man decided to leave and my dad stepped up.
When my mom had me, my dad didn’t even care to do the dna test anymore because when he seen me he “fell in love” lol. They were together for real ever since my mom got pregnant and just been each other’s rock ever since. I still kinda feel a little hurt about it because my life is basically a lie (not really but) they never planned on telling me, hid this from me and i’m the only child my daddy has who really doesn’t even have his dna. I guess not telling me was their way of “protecting me” but it just opened up a lot of other doors.
I love my daddy still and I wanted to reach out to the other man when my mom told me but not so much anymore. My dad is my dad and I love him the same, maybe even more. I’m glad my dad chose to be here for me and raise me as his own. I really don’t know if i’m the other mans child biologically and I don’t care to find out. I’m happy I finally know the truth and I can stop questioning why i’m not my fathers twin like my other siblings :( .. im jk lol but thank you for all the nice replies, advice and suggestions on my original post, means a lot 💗.
tl;dr donated blood with my dad and found out he really wasn’t my dad, heard the real full story from my mom and just appreciate my dad even more.
Crabliver: I think it is important to know who your biological dad is.
ChonkPolice: If you always put cheese on your spaghet, I guess it's important for you to put cheese on your spaghet.
If you've always known your real dad, I guess it's important to know your real dad.
starliner2000: There *are* important bits to know about your bio parents, like medical histories. You might have had something pass down that you might need to tell a doctor about later or something that might pop up later.
EntirePossibility356: That's about the only thing I would argue for someone needing to at least contact bio family.
| 5 | 7.6 | |
1655959167 | 1655969491 | t3_viojcy | t5_2to41 | 111 | PratikPingale: TIFU by leaving my friend behind and riding home alone
Apparently this happened yesterday so it's a YIFU.
A little bit of a general information. So where I live, there happens to be an annual festival (dindi) where large crowds, enormously large crowds, gather up to go to a holy site on pilgrimage together. So the one - way of the entire route was completely blocked. And unfortunately yesterday I had an appointment with a doctor which I was not ready to reschedule as it had been rescheduled thrice already.
So to accompany me my friend joined (FU1) and we left home early at around 6 AM. The road was already crowded but only on the outgoing side. The incoming and outgoing traffic were allowed to continue on the other side. We reached the clinic and left at around 11 AM.
Now to go home we have to choose another route as the main route was still blocked. We both were familiar with that main route only. So we looked for another route which I was not familiar with at all. Anyways we continued on. We were somewhere in the middle of the route where I realized I had to fuel up my motorcycle but I was pretty sure that it wouldn't exhaust anytime soon. Also the petrol pump was way too crowded and the weather was getting down too (rainy season here). So I decided not to fuel up my motorcycle (Big FU2).
Since the route we chose was a bit away from the locals and mobile towers, our map's location was not that accurate. At one junction, somewhere close to our home, my friend who was guiding me told me to take a right turn uphill. Half way through he realized that it was a wrong turn and asked me to take a U turn, go downhill and continue on the main route. I stopped to take a U turn but the road was freaking way too steep and my motorcycle almost tumbled down but I somehow managed to keep it straight.
It was about to rain. I quickly drove down the hill and continued on the main route. Soon the route seemed familiar and I knew I was close. A couple of turns and I joined the main route via another junction. While driving through the parking lot I realized my friend was quiet for a while and I looked back. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!. He ain't behind me. Shit. I quickly looked at my phone and there were 5 missed calls from him which I didn't realize because I turned on silent mode before going to the appointment. Random thoughts started circling my mind as to what happened to him.
I called him back and to my relief he was sitting down the slope where I took the U turn. I was just out of my apartment complex, my motorcycle started choking. No fuel. Luckily I had an emergency fuel (petrol) bottle at home. It took me about half an hour to catch up with my friend. We both were laughing, like dammm. Then he told me that when my motorcycle was tipping over, he immediately got off so that we wouldn't fall.
Also I apologize for my bad English. I'm not that proficient though.
TLDR: didn't realize that my buddy got of the motorcycle and I went home alone to realize that he's missing and my fuel tank was almost empty.
Training-Gas-5083: Y'all were riding in the same bike?
PratikPingale: yep, two of us
Training-Gas-5083: How the hell u not notice him not being there lol
Good thing is all good
PratikPingale: I don't know man, I just totally ignored him after I was closing in lol
| 5 | 22.2 | |
1655964254 | 1655990240 | t3_vipx6r | t5_2to41 | 15 | borecore: TIFU by letting a ren fair lady put tattoo "oil" on my arm
The last time I went to the ren fair I stopped by the scented soap stall to look for a gift. This lady was like "I love your tattoos" and pointed at my breath of the wild one on my left arm. She offered to let me try this tattoo oil on it. I said sure. I use oils all the time. She took a popsicle stick and wiped a goo on the tattoo. I tried to rub it in, but it was sticky and started to clump my arm hair up. The more I rubbed the worse it got. I tried to grin and bear it. I have a weird aversion to being sticky. My brain can't handle it. I quickly get system overload. I smiled and said thank you. I was about to make a hasty exit when she leaned over the counter and was like, "I really like this one a lot too". She then proceed to smear her filthy popsicle stick with a huge glob of this shit on my right arm. I looked upon it in pure terror. Then I looked at her and she noticed the grimace on my face. This poor girl had no idea what she had just done. I assured her it was fine, which was a lie. There were literal alarm bells tolling in my brain. I tried to rub it in and it was worse this time. It's was like rubbing literal glue into my arm. I fled her stand of devilry in search of a bathroom. Both arms and hands covered in muck. My face itched along the way, so instinctively I scratched it. Now it's on my face... I almost broke down on the bridge in tears. I pushed forward to the bathroom. I did it, sweet relief. NOPE! This shit isn't water soluble. Water does literally nothing for it. Water and soap? Nothing! Paper towels and clawing at my arms? Nothing. At this point im ruined. I emerge from the bathroom utterly defeated. I have to get a beer to calm my nerves. Now my cup is sticky too! I had to refrian from touching anything while walking around looking like a cowboy in a pistol duel. I literally had a guy come up to me and say "Draw, you filthy varmint". I was not bemused. It was hours before the sun was able to bake it away. Worst time at the fair ever. 10/10 would not recommend.
TL;DR basically I was too nice to let a lady know that the sticky shit she was putting on my arm was going to send over a mental cliff, so she did it to the other arm.
Areyousleepingyet: Uhh was it some sort of wax?
borecore: The final conclusion of my friend and I was beeswax with additives.
| 3 | 5 | |
1655965355 | 1656035567 | t3_viq739 | t5_2to41 | 12 | MinyMicMac361119: TIFU by trying to surprise my aunt by cleaning her car but locked myself out
I’m typing this right now at 1:07 am hiding behind my aunts van on the verge of tears
To clarify, my aunt has been having a rough week, she’s sleep deprived, her kids made a mess in her van, they don’t do their chores she ask them to do but she still is a good mother and takes them to cool and fun places. Her friend says he can’t hang around with her because he’s really busy with personal matters which rubs her the wrong way.
“What better thing to cheer her up than cleaning her van?” I said to myself, but I quickly learned I was wrong. I got up grabbed everything and get to working, cleaned some windows, cleaned the sides and swept the ground, did somewhat a deep clean the best I could.
That’s until I rolled her windows up to clean the last windows, but I left the keys on the ground in the car, I closed the door but little did I know my fat ass must have bumped into the door, locking EVERY WINDOW!
So I’m locked out of her car, I think she has work around 5 or 6 am so I only have about 4-5 hours to clean, but first get the keys, I found one of my trustworthy sticks and taped a hanger to it and tried to unlock the doors but realized I could have gotten the keys. (Which are closer to the back window that is slightly opened.)
Also I’d like to mention I’m 14 female and I’m my aunt’s favorite, I help her clean, we’re kayak buddies and spend a lot of time together which Is why it would kill me to see her disappointed in me. She means a lot to me and hate it when people are mad at me. Wish me luck please? I’m still trying to get the keys D; it would mean a lot.
Also if my buddy Ashy is reading this, HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII I Fucked up!
(Sorry for any errors, I’m sleepy)
TL;DR: I locked myself out of my aunts van while trying to clean it and surprise her when she wakes up because she had a rough week.
0utdoorcleaner: stop typing on reddit, and go break into that car
MinyMicMac361119: I’m trying but I’m running out of duck tape to keep the sticks together D; and the hanger won’t stay still
0utdoorcleaner: \*duct tape
and try calling a locksmith if you don't know how to pick locks; (its really a skill everyone should know), if that's not an option, use a small screwdriver to apply tension to the keyway of the lock, and the coat hanger or a bobbypin to slowly lift then release the individual pins, you should feel or hear a feint click when the pin falls into place
thejakeanator9000: May not work if it is a electronic lock using a code instead of the physical unique key with a standard lock
0utdoorcleaner: I've never seen that on a car tho
| 6 | 2 | |
1655961661 | 1656005082 | t3_vip8p3 | t5_2to41 | 9 | SN_dragonfan: TIFU By Not Backing Up My Work
I'm sure some of the people here haven't heard of the wonderful site of ao3, but if do you use it, I'm sure you already know where this is going.
For those of you who don't use it, ao3 is a writing site that many people use instead of Wattpad, or with Wattpad, etc.
You can write drafts on ao3, but they strongly recommend you write your work somewhere else or save it somewhere else beside solely on the site. You wanna know why?
Because drafts get deleted a month after creation with NO NOTICE, and with no way to recover them.
Guess who started a draft and then got busy by going on vacation with family and working on another project? Me, that's who. And now half of what would have been at least a couple thousand word fic is GONE, and I am struggling to remember how I wrote the very beginning, let alone everything else. I legitimately had to spend like fifteen minutes looking through the dictionary because of a past word that was stuck in my mind, but I didn't know exactly what it was. I will remember this fuck up for future reference.
TL;DR: Have another copy of your work in a place where you know it won't get deleted, because I didn't, and lost half my fic
___Phreak___: Have 5 independent copies of anything important or don't moan when you lose it.
So all of the photos on your phone are backed up to your laptop, great. Your laptop gets stolen, you break your phone, you've had a terrible day, now you can't even use your phone to recover them from cloud storage because of two factor authentication. 😕
SN_dragonfan: Yeah, I know, it was totally my fault, but people forget sometimes, ya know? That's a thing we do.
___Phreak___: We all learn this the same way... The first time we lose important files
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1655967523 | 1655988154 | t3_viqqg1 | t5_2to41 | 45 | pushupsforpasta: TIFU by getting my period
So I’m on the pill, and when I went on it, my doctor told me I only needed to have my period 4 times a year - sweet! So that’s what I do, I skip the sugar pills and only get my period when I want to (at least 4 times a year). I should also preface that I’m not a crier; I mean I cry when something exceptionally sad happens, but I’m not the type to cry regularly, if you get me.
I’ve just started in a new team at work, and I’ve been trying to make a really good impression. I also realized that I hadn’t had my period in a while, so decided to “get my period” a few days ago.
Yesterday afternoon I started to feel sick at work, like a head cold. I popped some cold and flu and all seemed to be well. This morning I pop a few more pills and head to work. These seemed to work fine until around mid morning, when the headache, pressure behind the eyes, and congested nose started to rear their heads again. This time I have no cold and flu pills handy.
So I keep pushing through, thinking I can make it to the end of the day - it gets to maybe 2 hours before finishing time when I realize I absolutely need to go home and rest. Remember I’m new to this job, so I’m not really wanting to take sick leave 2 weeks into a new job, but I also don’t want to keep my sick ass around everyone and potentially spread whatever it is that I might have.
My direct supervisor is sick, and the other one is on a conference call. I try to email them, no response from either. Fuck, what am I going to do?
I eventually decide I’ll let the personal assistant know that I have tried contacting my supervisors to no avail, but I need to leave.
I walk over to her desk, open my mouth and…. Begin crying. My stupid hormones are running wild thanks to my period, which I NEVER usually have, and I start to cry about how sick I am and how I need to leave right now.
I am mortified to say the least, and am too embarrassed to show my face in the office tomorrow 🥲
TLDR; My period hormones caused me to cry in front of my new colleagues. I want to crawl into a hole and die.
0utdoorcleaner: can I ask, how does one make themselves not/ on command get ones period?
pushupsforpasta: Not a doctor but from what I understand, with the contraceptive pill (or at least the one I’m on), there are the “active pills” and the “sugar pills”.
The active ones control the hormones and essentially suppress your menstrual cycle. Sugar pills are just placebo and don’t really do anything. If you want to skip a period, you skip the sugar pills on that packet and go straight to the next packet, continuing on the active pills. If you want your period, just stop taking the active pills for a week (which is when you’ll get your period), then start taking the active ones again!
0utdoorcleaner: but... thats not how placebos work, they dont work if you know they are placebos, much confusion
pushupsforpasta: I mean a placebo pill is literally a pill with inactive ingredients, which is what the sugar pill is
0utdoorcleaner: yeah, but they only work because the brain thinks they are an actual drugs, but there isnt, so the brain does what the drugs should do,
Heurodis: That's placebo as a synonym for "not the real pill," as someone explained above just to avoid forgetting it / to be sure to start taking the real one on time. It's not meant to prevent or induce periods, but by stopping the hormone intake from the regular pill it allows them to happen.
0utdoorcleaner: ah, fair enough, apparently my dumbass cant use basic logic lol
| 8 | 5.625 | |
1655967927 | 1655999904 | t3_viqu8k | t5_2to41 | 27 | LydiaMarie132: Tifu by vaping in front of a bee…
This happened last night
So me (20f) and my partner (24m) went out for an incredible dinner as a date last night, it was an awesome time and super yummy food, so we pay and make our way outside
We decided we were stuffed and didn’t want to walk back home so we took a taxi! We called up the taxi (we don’t have Uber here) and they say it will be about 20 min wait, cool we’re right by the beach so we will just chill and wait for the taxi.
Here’s the fu, I reach for my partner towards his pocket where he’s holding my vape he knows what I’m asking for so hands me it, I got a new flavor the other day! It’s similar to banana creme pie, I was sitting there talking about how yummy it tastes and it smells so good! I sit there enjoying my vape when this MASSIVE bee comes over, I’m like “oh hi bee! Look at it! He’s so cute!” Then he like circles me and comes in and like smacks into my head at this point my partner (he’s very protective) he’s standing over me about ready to fight the bee trying to shield me from this chubby bees wrath, bee makes another attempt to come in and smacks me in the shoulder at this point my partner yells “run” and I start running down the sidewalk. This. Bee. Is. CHASING ME! Well trying to, his chubby little body wouldn’t allow him to go quite as fast as me and eventually I lost him.
Guys, turns out bees are attracted to the smell of banana.. I HAD BANANA CREME PIE VAPE! My friend who’s boyfriend is a bee keeper after I told her the story she told me how bee pheromones smell like banana and when they smell bananas they feel like their hive is under attack, this bee was ready to attack me to save his hive and my partner tried to fight a bee
I made it out fine and the bee made it out fine no bee or human were harmed but now I won’t vape my banana creme pie vape juice in public near potential bees and I know my partner will take a bee sting for me!
Tldr; my vape was banana creme pie flavored and bees are attracted to banana smells because they think their hive is under attack.
Beautifulblueocean: I'm supposed to believe the flavor is banana cream pie?
LydiaMarie132: You’re right, It’s actually “banoffee pie” but I’m an American living in England I only know what banana cream pie is and it’s almost the same thing but with toffee…. Right? Close enough?
ken-d00: Now I just want some banoffee pie after reading this. 
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1655969019 | 1656041007 | t3_vir3tk | t5_2to41 | 1,575 | ThatRandomDev: TIFU by washing my hair incorrectly for 10+ years
I have been washing my hair wrong for 10 years. Since I was 6, I've been doing my own showers and hair and shit. Well, I've always gone conditioner then shampoo. It never really seemed to work and my mom is constantly telling me my hair is greasy and dirty, and it is always filled with knots and stuff.
Well, today, my mom asked me how I wash my hair because it doesn't look right, and I told her. She then told me: "But that's not how you do it. It goes shampoo then conditioner so it doesn't get washed out!" Suddenly, it all made sense! I'm just an idiot!
So yeah. For the past 10 FUCKING YEARS, I have been incorrectly washing my hair and making it look terrible. AND, I finally did it right today, and my hair is smooth, luscious, and beautiful.
TL;DR I have been making my hair look terrible on accident by washing it incorrectly for over 10 year
Update: I used the advice you guys have given me today. My hair looks even better than it did yesterday!
Leningradite: Also, be sure to let the conditioner sit for a while before rinsing with water (as directed on the bottle)
IocaImemedeaIer: wait what you're supposed to let it sit??
Leningradite: Yeah, for a couple of minutes. Just to let it absorb into the hair. I used to rinse it out immediately as a teenager and always felt like my hair was greasy when I got out of the shower. Letting it be for a while worked great. I usually go in this order: get in shower, shampoo, rinse, conditioner, soap up body, rinse body, rinse conditioner.
mlmarte: I usually rinse the conditioner out right away, because my hair is thin and I am worried that leaving the conditioner on for too long will make it look greasy. But I am about to hop in the shower, and will try it your way today. Fingers crossed!
Update after drying my hair (not that anyone asked lol): Ok, what is this witchcraft?? Not only does my hair not feel greasy after leaving the conditioner in, it actually feels… fluffier? Granted, this was a first attempt so it may be a fluke, I will repeat the experiment tomorrow. But holy cr@p, how did no one ever tell me how to properly use conditioner before???
FragileStoner: Volumizing conditioner is your friend.
Russtbucket89: My ponytail gets bigger than my head if I use that stuff. I use curl hydration formulas to keep it manageable.
FragileStoner: If you have curly hair you need all the conditioner. I promise your hair isn't greasy. I *promise*.
Russtbucket89: My routine involves a little bit of shampoo on the hairline, and letting a ridiculous amount of conditioner soak for several minutes, so yeah pretty much all the conditioner.
Btw, just figured to throw that out to make sure no curly haired person without a hair care routine saw this and thought "maybe volumizing conditioner will be my friend too!" Volumizing conditioner works great for thin hair, but I have grabbed my partner's volumizing conditioner before and it wreaks havoc on my curly locks.
mlmarte: Ok, so here’s a pickle — my hair is thin, but if left to dry on its own, it gets super wavy/curvy. So is volumizing conditioner my friend or foe? (Right now I’m using conditioner for either “normal” or “dry” hair, I haven’t ventured into the volumizing area quite yet).
Russtbucket89: If the volume is adequate without volumizing conditioner I'd try hydrating formula first. My process is: clean the roots, slather in the conditioner, let it soak in for 15 minutes, cold rinse, and if I want to make everyone jealous of my hair I set the curls by looking at the ceiling and gently shaking my head while cold water is running through it, and let it drip for few seconds before standing normally again, then let it drip dry; no towel, air, or even squeezing to speed the drying.
| 11 | 143.181818 | |
1655973378 | 1655989233 | t3_vis5de | t5_2to41 | 32 | [deleted]: TIFU by bruising my thighs using jeans
[deleted]
constantbs: You sure it's not just Dye Transfer? Go was your legs! :)
TurunSalmiakit: the jeans were nude and the marks red-violet+i tried to wash them and they didnt go away, so no :-D
| 3 | 10.666667 | |
1655981680 | 1656054173 | t3_viu5x3 | t5_2to41 | 1,024 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving meat to kid I was babysitting
[deleted]
kevvv_66: You admitted your mistake and told her about it. You made the right decision.. now if she's really a good friend of yours, I'm sure she'll find it in her heart to forgive you. Try not to blame yourself too much about it. Honest mistake.. can happen to anyone.
friarguy: Personally I think its unethical to force a vegetarian diet on a child. Let them get old enough to make their own decision
MyaButtiches: Absolutely. Vegan/vegetarianism is an adult decision. If a bodybuilder or marathon runner forced their children into their training regime, you'd get CPS called on you. Luckily, CPS is starting to investigate the vegetarian/vegan diets with children but it's still hit and miss. Largely because the children are highly isolated and monitored by the parents who do that. So you don't get anyone reporting on the problem.
I work with CPS in my job. I have been asked by people if they should report parents like this. I usually say that if you're concerned enough about it, then you should call. All reporting is anonymous and it's up to you if you want to testify if need be.
I just handled a case where the parent had some severe OCD type psychological problems (not entirely sure what the ultimate diagnosis was), and they put their three year old on a strict "paleo" or "keto", something like that. Luckily the parent realized that it was a problem and sought help, but the child was severely malnourished and was only found out because the grandparents finally said something after several months of it.
BeginTheBlackParade: Eh, I think involving cps for just a standard vegetarian diet is excessive. A kid can eat a vegetable-only diet and be perfectly healthy. I think it only makes since to involve authorities if the kid legit seems unhealthy/malnourished like the last example you gave.
MyaButtiches: That's why I included the example. It's not necessarily that it's a vegetarian diet being forced on the kid but rather the type of person who does so and the restrictions that they use. But honestly the body tells you what you need and a young child lacks the ability to explain their dietary needs. So restricting a child's diet before they can explain their needs and what their body is telling them is extordinarily risky.
Like would you know if a kid constantly asking for ice chips might be iron deficient? Or it might just be a kid asking for ice chips because they are a kid who focused on one neat little detail of beverages served to them. You wouldn't really know unless you're constantly testing their blood levels.
You honestly can never know with a child.
ElectroStaticSpeaker: >restricting a child's diet before they can explain their needs and what their body is telling them is extordinarily risky.
Yah we should just give kids candy and ice cream all the time and not *restrict* them to healthy foods cuz this is what they want.
MyaButtiches: Yes, that's exactly what I said.
ElectroStaticSpeaker: You said we shouldn't be restricting diets. How does that not extend to other foods?
Some people realize meat isn't healthy, including almost ALL of scientific studies on this subject not funded by the meat industry that have linked it to increased heart disease and mortality rates. It's no different than candy and ice cream from that perspective.
I get that you enjoy the taste of meat and have been brainwashed by the meat industry to think that it's what everyone needs. Sorry about that.
Goatfest2020: Sounds like you’ve been brainwashed by the vegetarian industry. I eat what I want, not dictated by anyone, and in excellent health. What I DON‘T eat is processed shit, fast food, refined grains or sugars.
| 10 | 102.4 | |
1655987515 | 1656020650 | t3_vivu70 | t5_2to41 | 18,552 | Garrett_lax: TIFU by getting STD tested
This happened yesterday and I’m still a bit mentally scarred and need to voice this.
So within the last year I moved to Europe from America. I am young and decently fit and the European ladies have seemed to like my American accent. I haven’t been as diligent about protected sex as I should be, but before I moved here I had the entire panel of testing done, and I came out perfectly clean. So I have been a bit more loose with the protection, and the women I have slept with have been of similar mindset.
Which brings us to the current situation. About 3-4 weeks ago, a girl came over for a weekend of fun while my roommate was away. Sexual chemistry was through the roof, as was libido. She lives in another country so we had a short window of opportunity. Roughly 60 ish hours. In this time we had sex roughly 12-14 times. By the end of the weekend, my dick was thankful it was over. But, there was some lingering pain in my tip. Similar to that feeling other guys will know, when you cum maybe before bed or something and don’t pee right away, it’s a special kind of sore. It felt like that, but when I was peeing.
Okay, so no big deal. Until, it hurt pretty badly. My thought process is like damn, I really overdid that huh? So I have similar pain over over the next couple days but it’s subsiding. However, because I just set a sexual PR, my mind is still very actively sexual, thus, I’m cumming maybe twice a day, which is more then my normal average of 0.5-1.
Fast forward to now, I came this weekend and while peeing again, it hurt. So I figure alright, time to get this checked out. I get sent to a specialist clinic and I go see them, my appointment was at 7am and because of public transit, it was an hour away. I leave my house at 6, get there by 7. And at about 730ish I’m in the room. They ask me my problem, I give them this story, and then I ask for full panel. They say okay! Great. Here’s where the story turns sour.
They bring me over to a corner of the room, and tell me to pull my pants down. “This is weird for urinalysis” I think. Turns out, they don’t do urinalysis, they swab you.
And a swab, unlike the literal verb definition, is not exactly what happened. The lady (in her broken English) tells me to spread my dick hole. In absolute shock and fear, I ask “are you serious?” She tells me yes with no hesitation. Fuck me… so… like a good little slut I spread my hole. Which, in turn, was inserted pretty deeply into my penis. All I could feel was immense pain and severe nausea almost straight away, seeing as this was a childhood nightmare coming to life. Luckily, it’s only a couple seconds, and she pulls it out.
Thank fuck.
Plastic crinkles.
Another.
“Another?!?!” I asked in her native language I know very little of.
“Yes.”
This process happened for a total of 5 times. I walked out of that office completed defeated. 730am and I got my dickhole violated, and it hurt for hours after, and I stayed nauseous for another 2 hours. I also thought about this probably 600 times yesterday. And 100 times today.
I don’t have results yet, it feels much better today, and I will be promptly finding a doctor that does urinalysis for future reference.
TLDR; got referred to an STD specialist that doesn’t do urinalysis so I got medically sounded against my will 5 times.
EDIT 1: some clarification and wording.
0.5-1 times on average means daily or every other day. Thought it was more self explanatory than it is
Thank you everyone for your concerns and well wishes. I will have results Wednesday and will edit whether or not I am a lucky person or if many of your suspicions are confirmed.
Lastly, I know the FU isn’t exactly that I got tested, but that I was unprotected. I typically do use condoms, and of course I know better. I want to clarify that it has only been unprotected sex with 3 girls between tests. Not the safest number of zero, but certainly not like, a new person every weekend. Admittedly stupid anyways, but hey, I’m human. Aren’t we all.
EDIT 2(final edit):
Test results came back clean. Have had a very paranoid week and will be remembering this for a long, long time
aligador: Chlamydia
Garrett_lax: Could very well be! Hopefully not, but I’ve accepted that I’ve been sexually active for about a decade and this would be my first time. Could be worse
Dooby_Bopdin: I have had chlamydia once from a cheating partner. It was 2 pills I had to take at the same time and it was gone. Be careful out there, brother.
Shewantstheglock22: Got it once from a cheating partner and broken condom. Got it a second time through sexual assault.
Doc had the audacity to tell me I was really lucky to get it twice instead of something more serious and that I need to stop treating my body like a garbage can. He said this fully knowing I had been raped and got it that way.
Never had a problem since. But fuck that doc.
Paladoc: That doc needs to be sounded.
Dont_Panic1: I was thinking about the fact that sounding is a thing people enjoy while reading his retelling of the story the whooooole time.
truthm0de: I think sounding is done with a smooth metal rod as opposed to a q-tip swab. I imagine the latter is a bit more abrasive!
Dont_Panic1: Quite right, as far as I know it is done with smooth metal. Just makes my stomach hurt to think of willingly inserting something in my urethra.
truthm0de: Oh absolutely. Fuck that. Plus they do the test when you’re flaccid and sounding I would imagine involves being erect. Imagine that swab trying to “turn the corner” so to speak. Ouch!
Dont_Panic1: Unfortunately I don't have to imagine. I had a bladder infection following 9 days of catheterization in the ICU after a car accident. Neither of those urethral intrusions were pleasant. 😕
truthm0de: Oh man. I would not want to have been in your shoes. I hope you made a full recovery though!
Dont_Panic1: All things considered with the extent of the injuries, I'm doing miraculously well, thank you. ☺️
| 13 | 1,427.076923 | |
1655987597 | 1655988371 | t3_vivv2y | t5_2to41 | 1 | EncryptedTreehut: TIFU by getting caught by my mum while jerking off to Back to the Future. Twice
Obligatory this fappened back in 2020, during home schooling
Okay, I was watching back to the future 3(great film), and was for some reason really turned on by Clara. I don't know why but for some reason I decided to jerk off.
I was sitting on my bean bag, and my mum was in the kitchen which was right next to the living room where I was jerking off. I still don't know what compelled me to jerk off in that moment. Anyway I was sitting on a bean bag and my dick was under a blanket.
Anyway I was jerking it to Clara on our 75 inch TV and suddenly my mum asks, "what are you shaking"? I am a bit of a unique person so I shake my hands with a pencil if excited and I say I am shaking my hands with a pencil.
She is suspicious so she asks "where is the pencil". I knew the lie was over and I said I was shaking my penis. She asks me "why would you ever do that?" and lets me off the hook after telling my siblings.
For a while after that they said that I shacked my dick. My mum also mentioned it while we were at Cockatoo Island and I was screwing around with my little brother.
The second time, I was watching clips from the back to the future video game(which was surprisingly good) and I start jerking it again. I was supposed to be studying and not watching the clips so my mum walks into the door and asks, "are you shaking your dick again", I nod in shame. She tells me not to go back to work and walks out
&#x200B;
TL;DR Got caught jerking off to back to the future twice by my mum and got bullied by my siblings
raven080068: Why wouldn't you just go to your room and do it there?
EncryptedTreehut: I was at that age where I jerked of to anything regardless of where I was. I grew out of it ;).
&#x200B;
Once I jerked off in the car when we were going on a road trip. I am genuinely surprised that I never tried jerking off at school lol
| 3 | 0.333333 |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.