start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
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value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1656319610 | 1656398812 | t3_vlqvwu | t5_2to41 | 3,342 | RinseWithBlood: TIFU when I high fived a girl
Last night I (19m) went out for dinner with a girl I met online. The two of us were done with each other by the time the bill arrived. We had zero chemistry in person. I was so disappointed that I decided to walk home instead of calling an Uber. I live in a city that loves to celebrate on weekends, so the walk did a good job of distracting me from overthinking my disappointing date. The streets were busy. Clubs were packed. Restaurants were full. Even the local brothel had maxed out their parking space.
Along the way I noticed an attractive girl standing outside one of the popular pubs. I assumed she was either drunk or high or both based on the way she was staring at the night sky and smiling. It was none of my business and I was prepared to just walk past her without reacting. But as soon as I was close enough, she randomly raised her hand like she was waiting for me to high five her. Not being one to let a high five go to waste, I did what I thought she wanted and high fived her.
The moment our hands connected, she unexpectedly pulled me in for a hug and literally squeezed me like we were being reunited after Thanos snapped us out of existence. It was random as fuck, but considering how I was feeling after my date, I accepted the warm embrace of an attractive girl who may or may not have been on another planet at that moment. Less than 5 seconds into the hug I got pulled away by an aggressive guy who decided to fucking headbutt me.
For some reason the girl was still holding on to my hand and ended up going down with me as I fell to the ground. Aggressive guy also lost his balance somehow and landed on top of me. Based on the number of times he said "ow" and "fuck" back to back, it was safe to say the headbutt hurt both of us. A group of random strangers from the pup intervened before things could escalate. I was picked up and pulled in one direction while aggressive guy and the girl was being pulled in another direction.
From what I could hear through the noise, aggressive guy was under the impression that his gf, aka the hugger, needed to be rescued from the creep on the street, aka me. Thus, the headbutt. The gf was an unreliable witness because she had no idea who I was or what was happening. So, there I was, not only trying to recover from a headbutt but also trying my best to make the aggressive guy understand that his gf made the first move. Aggressive guy got even more aggressive after that because apparently I made it sound like his gf was a slut. That was not my intention at all, but the damage was done. Aggressive guy threatened to chew open my throat and use my blood as mouthwash.
I got scared and ran away.
**TL:DR Random girl on the street raised her hand to high five me. I proceeded to high five her. High five turned into an unexpected but not unwelcomed hug. Hug turned into a headbutt from her aggressive bf who threatened to go Hannibal Lecter on my throat.**
bennibentheman2: Damn that guy sounds like a stable individual for sure!
nuyorkfan: Seems like a reasonable reaction you see your GF probably mollyed up hugging a random dude on the street OP made the sensible move but also see where the other guy was coming from. It was the right intent but wrong timing kind of thing
OnceAStudent__: Your first action would be to *headbutt* the guy??
goofy1234fun: Yeah if a persons first action is assault then they are a bad person
RagnaroknRoll3: I mean, I’d say it depends on the situation. If violence is my only good option, I’ll take it. I’d rather not, but sometimes shit happens.
The_Actual_Sage: Legally (and morally imo) the only reason to use violence is if you truly believe your life of the life of someone else is in danger. In this situation that probably means you have to believe this guy is trying to assault, rape or kill your girlfriend. How you get any of that from a hug within seconds is questionable at best
RagnaroknRoll3: You perform a situation assessment. This particular situation is definitely the wrong one to use violence in.
The_Actual_Sage: Indeed
| 9 | 371.333333 | |
1656324729 | 1656325578 | t3_vls4nb | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by being a young, horny teen and looking for porn on my friend's mom's work computer.
[deleted]
OMGoblin: They knew. Are you still friends?
LemmeHumpYourPrinter: We distanced ourselves for other reasons, but we're still having occasional contact. What happened back then never came up again, except when I asked if they found the person yet.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1656328427 | 1656358307 | t3_vlt31q | t5_2to41 | 586 | [deleted]: TIFU by going on a night hike with “friends”
[deleted]
Vinylove: > Moral of the story is, ~~don’t forget your inhaler on hiking trips.~~
don't have shitty friends.
gudgudgudby: How u do that?
speculatrix: Sadly, sometimes only when a crisis occurs and the crappy friends leave.
gudgudgudby: No I mean that blue line, I know abt the crisis thing
riverlilyjay: I’m going to ~~try~~ succeed
huniojh: If you're on the website, and using what reddit refererring to as the *"fancy pants editor"*, you can also click these **three dots** between "`GIF`" and "^(Markdown mode)" to activate all kinds of.. fancypants stuff. Including ~~Strikethrough~~.
| 7 | 83.714286 | |
1656333063 | 1656349496 | t3_vluevl | t5_2to41 | 32 | Throwawyforlifestuf: TIFU by feeding my vegan friend meat
[removed]
Agret_Brisignr: Your friend is a psycho.
He's in jail for assault, not because you fed him meat
battmannxyz: Yes, OPs friend has some bigger issues going on there.
If this had happened to me (I'm currently a pretty hard-core vegan) number 1, I would have known, and number 2, who cares? Unless this person is allergic or it was done out of malice.
It was an honest mistake.
Bet it was the best burger he's had in a long time. Our burgers suck.
So does the cheese.
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: > Yes, OPs friend has some bigger issues going on there.
Not least of which is being imaginary.
Bearing in mind they also recently wrote [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vltxxs/aita_broke_my_brothers_leg_for_revealing_my_only/)
Such-Wrongdoer-2198: Hey. Some of my best friends are imaginary.
| 5 | 6.4 | |
1656334654 | 1656338854 | t3_vluwm8 | t5_2to41 | 6 | TheRobyMyself: TIFU by not going in a camp
So I(16M) am going to a volunteering center for teenagers from my high schools and every high school in my city. Every time you go to the center to do volunteering you get 1 point, at 15 points(don't remember exactly the accurate number) you win a camp at a beach. In that camp you can go to the beach and do activities, especially social activities. The camp happens in summer and there isn't only one camp, there are more, on different dates because there are too many students. Since I have Asperger Syndrome(Autism) I struggle making friends, and I hate/am unable to make contact with strangers. I want to talk to them but my tongue literally swallows itself, so I am unable to talk a word. My friends are the high school colleagues. Only one of them is going to the camp, but we are going on separate dates since my classmate(15F) sign up earlier than me and her date was full and I couldn't sign anymore to be with her on the same date. And since I don't know anyone else who is going to the camp I am gonna be alone, with my low-communication-skill level, being lonely on the beach. I convinced my mom to not go but my dad is really-really-really disappointed, also my mom, and they make references about it every second. Now I can still go on the camp, I only have 2 days left but I am still very scared to get called a creep by every teenager in the camp trying to talk to someone. They also have fucking karaoke and my stupid tongue can't do shit. What to do?
TL;DR I have Asperger's syndrome and I am too afraid to go on a camp because I am alone, so I am not going and my parents are disappointed.
DarkAthena: I’m sorry it didn’t work out to go with your friend and that you’re scared to go alone.
I get it. I’m on the spectrum too and new social situations are hard. I never know what to say.
I also know that pushing myself out of my comfort zone is critical. I have to expand my boundaries if I’m going to grow as a person.
You earned the trip to camp. My advice is to go. I went to camp as a teen. It was hard but someone befriended me. Someone might befriend you too.
Be nice. Be helpful. Be yourself. Don’t worry about trying to be cool or impress people.
If you’re 100% sure you won’t be able to go to camp then don’t go but if you think you can, try.
Always try. Sometimes you won’t be able to, but never stop trying.
TheRobyMyself: Thank you, I talked to them and they said that if I am lonely there I can go with my siblings on another vacation since they invite me to go to the Danube with them and also my parents will go along side with another cousin. Thanks anyway, Idk what happened to me but I was pretty sad last month, happened only bad things(even though I got a computer for my bday, I missed the scholarship because of my physics teacher lowered my grade with 0.25 points and because of that I had my annual grade 9.36 and lost the scholarship for some decimal points
| 3 | 2 | |
1656339507 | 1656343308 | t3_vlwkcu | t5_2to41 | 18 | [deleted]: TIFU by not letting my wife take a shit in the car?
[deleted]
TwoHeadedBoyTwo: Of all the info in this TIFU, I’m more disturbed by the idea you travel with your dog in the trunk than where your wife shits
Svensk_shay: It’s an SUV, the trunk is the size of two very large crates. He can spread out on his pet bed with room to spare. Trust me, he is traveling in the pinnacle of luxury for a dog.
UraraBowa: Would I be able to travel in there too?
Svensk_shay: https://imgur.com/gallery/yq090fb
UraraBowa: I remember riding in those trunk compartments (a bit smaller) on my dad's friends' vehicles because I found it fun and spacious there.
Svensk_shay: I’ve napped there before lol. Not the worst sleep I’ve ever had.
| 7 | 2.571429 | |
1656339785 | 1656340983 | t3_vlwnyt | t5_2to41 | 40 | Emotional_Egg_6372: TIFU by asking about her.
I always had my suspicions but he always shot it down. He made it clear that there was nothing there and gaslit me into thinking I was overthinking everything. We had our fair share of speed bumps that honestly just seemed to be getting bigger and bigger over time. I left him a month ago. He begged for me to come back, pleaded, cried, threatened suicide. I came back because I stupidly wasn’t ready to let go of him and this. I loved him.
Today I fucked up by asking about her.
When it finally came out it was like a snowball. We’ve been together a year and a half and he was cheating the whole time. Since we became exclusive he has been seeing her and other women. He’s been lying and covering his tracks meticulously while playing stupid the whole time about the things that just didn’t quite add up when it came to some of the stories he told me.
Today I fucked up by asking about her.
He waited until I was in this position to tell me. I asked him to stop doing what he was doing many times because I knew this would happen. He promised he would. Yes, I could have said no but funny enough I didn’t realize I could say no until a friend pointed it out to me. My body has never felt like my own. It’s always felt like it existed for other people to use because for the majority of my life people have taken from it selfishly. It started when I was a child and in a way I never realized this issue even existed. I didn’t fully realize I could say no.
Today I fucked up because I’m six weeks pregnant.
I should have just left it alone.
TL;DR I came back to my ex. He got me pregnant then afterwards told me he’s been cheating on me the whole time.
purr_immakitten: Ooof girl I am in a very similar situation as you (main difference being abuse which escalated once he knew I was pregnant). I broke up with him, found out I was pregnant, let him back, and nothing changed/shit escalated. I ended up leaving him for good when I was eight weeks pregnant. I'm now 23 weeks and I don't regret it one bit. Did you FU by asking? I don't think so. You got your truth, and the truth sucks, but now you know.
Emotional_Egg_6372: We got this though. Our babies will be just fine.
purr_immakitten: Absolutely! I know it's hard dealing with the emotions of a breakup in general, let alone with the added pregnancy hormones. Feel free to DM. You've got this ❤️
| 4 | 10 | |
1656341954 | 1656345869 | t3_vlxgf0 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by playing Apex Legends with friends
[deleted]
J11Knight: In my experience, you can't suck at the game AND be a giant pain in the ass 🤣 they are pretty much mutually exclusive unless you are planning on always playing by yourself.
SDennis05: Wdum? Sorry didn’t quite get your comment
J11Knight: I am saying that you can typically only be one or the other, without being cast aside by "friends". You suck at the game, but they were still willing to play with you. It was only after you started messing with them that they decided to not play with you at all right?
You can either be bad at the game OR a pain in the ass. Not both.
EDIT: I'm not speaking on your entire existence. I'm sure you are a dope person! I'm just saying in this instance, that was the choice they faced. I have many friends that I refuse to play certain games with. I love them to death, but I'm far too competitive to be playing with them night after night if they are just shitting the bed and hiding loot.
| 4 | 1 | |
1656343280 | 1656401837 | t3_vlxyjf | t5_2to41 | 11 | she_gave_me_a_rose: TIFU by not knowing that ctrl+s doesn't save in the Italian excel version
So, this just happened and I'm depressed
I had been working and struggling to fill this pretty long and boring excel file for a couple hours
I don't usually do this kind of stuff since I'm a software engineer
As any developer, being used to text editors and IDEs, I kept ctrl+sing away without a worry in my mind (ctrl s is the shortcut to save, for those who might not know)
When I closed the file, I noticed a popup but i just clicked it away thinking it wouldn't matter much anyways, I mean I had saved SOOO many times throughout the entire process right? What could go wrong
Well, stuff went wrong and nothing was saved. Ctrl + s underlines text in the currently selected cell in the Italian excel version (s = sottolineare = underline)
My only saving grace is that I exported a csv halfway through so I don't have to start completely over
Fuck me.
TL;DR. Lost all my work because ctrl + s has a different functionality in the Italian excel version
ze11ez: As part of my workflow i usually file>save as when I’m 25%there. 50% there and then when I’m all done. If it’s something that is really long (a few pages) i email the text to myself in an email in case something happens.
I’ve been where you are. I’ve had to type all over again. Never again.
The only saving grace is i think the usa version has auto save, which doesn’t help you, just saying
she_gave_me_a_rose: Oh I do have that toggle in the top left of the screen, I just didn't think I'd need it since I kept saving you know 🤣
Lesson learned
ze11ez: Was this a file saved on your computer? Or was it saved on a network or online?
Did you initially save it and give it a file name prior to ctrl-S
she_gave_me_a_rose: The file was sent to me from slack, it was a predefined layout and I had to fill it
So I just opened it from my download folder
| 5 | 2.2 | |
1656344547 | 1656345141 | t3_vlyfam | t5_2to41 | 20 | had_had_had_had: TIFU by injuring myself with a machete
(This happened yesterday)
TLDR: I misused a machete and now I can't breathe.
A derelict field near my house is a prolific producer of noxious and invasive thistles whose fluffy seeds will blow into my yard and infest my garden/lawn/playground/flower-beds, etc. For a couple years I've been going into that field after hours and spot-spraying roundup on these plants to kill them. I've reduced the infestation but I've yet to eliminate it. A problem I've noticed is that if the thistles set flowers within a few days of being sprayed, the flowers will mature and release thousands of seeds before the plants succumbs to the poison.
Yesterday I was about to go kill these thistles and I noticed many nearly-ripe flower buds on the plants. Wanting prevent yet another seed crop, I borrowed a machete from my neighbor so that I could go hack the plants tops off to kill/dry the flowers before they could be pollinated and set a crop of seeds.
For about 60 glorious minutes I walked through that field feeling like an ancient explorer going ham on untamed bush while looking for the lost city of gold. By the end I'd topped every single thistle in the field and 30 minutes later they were all sprayed.
Despite my wife's concerns, I _seemed_ to have finished the job unscathed.
Sunday evening, about 3 or 4 hours later, I felt some fairly distinct soreness in my lats. Going to bed I was quite tender but I took an NSAID and fell asleep. By 5-AM I woke up having trouble breathing, it wasn't difficult, it just hurt my back terribly with every breath. Today I'm taking the morning off work, lying on a heat pad and waiting for a double dose of OTC pain killers to give me some relief.
I think next time I'll take a break or use a gas string trimmer.
---
Edit: before someone gives me grief for using roundup. The field is a weed patch with an absentee owner. Before I took notice, no native plants other than grass were present. This year I had to carefully work my way around several different native plants including prickly poppy!
Arthur_Leywin354: Ain't gonna lie, I thought the story was gonna be about how you impaled urself with a machete. Hope you feel better lol
edit: word
Greymane68: 'TIFU by lopping a leg off'
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1656344247 | 1656346441 | t3_vlybns | t5_2to41 | 11 | JudaiTerumi: TIFU by Falling Asleep on a Girl’s Bed As a Freshman in College 9/11/2021
Boy oh boy did I not think I was gonna find myself here…college changed me a LOT in a year. But anyways!…here’s how this shit began.
So at this college some students keep an EMS (Emotional Support Animal) with them in their dormitories depending on their circumstances. However, that comes with a lot of paperwork and there is a set list of rules that comes with being allowed to even have a pet or something in your dorm on campus. And if you get caught with an EMS without completing that paperwork, it’s about a $100 fee. But that’s something that we don’t worry about since she had done this already. Now we get into this girl’s bed that I fell asleep on. So she just happened to be working desk shift this night, correct? Her shift went from 10:00-4:00 that night, so I figured…why don’t I ask her if it’s fine to go chill with her cat? So I do so and it sounded like she said no, but I didn’t know for sure since it was loud as hell down there. So trusting my judgement, I asked again and she said: “I don’t care what you do. Go ahead.” Meaning I obviously now have permission to go in her room and hang out with her cat. And I did EXACTLY that. I didn’t go steal nothing or snoop in anything like a bunch of you paranoid bums might think-I literally JUST wanted to hang out with her cat. Little fucker tried to eat my hair, as a matter of fact. So I left this room and reentered on multiple occasions throughout this entire night, and around 1,2, maybe 3.AM I start getting tired. But I still wanted to hang out with her cat, so I laid on her beds end and waited for that cat to hop up there and rub against me again or something in order to pet her. Now for context, I had unlocked NO intention of going to sleep on this girl’s bed. It was a blatant accident through and through, and I apologized right when she woke me up a little after 4 AM. She said , “Get out of my room.” In a calm and even tone of voice. And in response, I literally said, “Oh shit I’m sorry I didn’t mean to fall asleep in here.”…and I left. Not a single bit of hostility from me, no fingers raised. I did precisely what I was told and didn’t argue. But like I said, I fucked up by falling asleep on her bed. And for context, she has self-harm cuts all over her arms, her parents treated her very poorly (CSA and abuse victim) and she had some other stuff going on too with her physical health as a whole…which was WHY she got her EMS to begin with. So yeah…😅not exactly tactful of me, but I didn’t mean to do it. So I left and I though we were good and all…only to get an email from my RLC telling me that this girl reported me for it and said I was in there WITHOUT HER PERMISSION (even though I DID get permission). And then with that, my college experience just fucking SNOWBALLED downhill. I’m getting word that my reputation in Richardson was NOT good (which is whatever cause I don’t care about that social status and popularity nonsense), but you know what?! I got fucking kicked out and moved to Thomson Hall!😁 And then I found myself on a verge of suspension AND expulsion for this…all in less than four full weeks after I moved to that campus. Cause it turned out that a bunch of girls lied on me to get me kicked out of there. Someone even lied and said that I sexually assaulted them in an elavator! And I missed out on plenty of friendhships that I should have been forming and am now a pariah to people around me…for a mere accident.
TL:DR-I fell asleep on a girls bed and then as a result got kicked out of a dormitory, moved to another dormitory for that remaining amount of time throughout this school year (which I still had about 8 months after those BEGINNING three weeks and some days 🥴 so I lived there for 23 days before people started turning against me and 24 full days before I got kicked out. I was to be out of Richardson by September 14th 10:00 p.m and in Thomson with ALL of my shit. I ain’t even get to give my friends in there a proper goodbye before I got kicked out, and the people who I honestly know are my friends in there are those who heard me out and listened to my side after I got kicked out.
RGeronimoH:
par·a·graph /ˈperəˌɡraf/ noun
a distinct section of a piece of writing, usually dealing with a single theme and indicated by a new line, indentation, or numbering.
drewed1: Hey he's a freshman in college he hasnt learned that yet
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1656348465 | 1656460584 | t3_vlzy9u | t5_2to41 | 5 | Iconicsonicmilk: TIFU by sending a picture of my friend to my sister
TIFU by sending a picture of my friend to my sister
To give context, my sister was rating all of my friends a couple months ago. I sent a picture of all of them, (they all said I could) and she proceeded to rate all of them.
I’ll call the friend Max.
I know that Max does not like people seeing his face, even the group.
So when I sent the picture of Max, I gave her 5-7 seconds to look and then deleted the photo, thinking she didn’t have enough time to save it.
Well she did.
A few days ago she sent the photo of Max to her gc and one of her friends saved it and used it as his pfp.
Max got very pissed at me and he told me he meant to show the picture rather than send it to her. (She only comes over on the weekends.) I told the guy to change his pfp but he is still asleep. I asked my sister why did she save it and she said for blackmailing purposes.
I take all the blame and feel like a douche.
I apologized to Max but he hasn’t responded to me yet. I’m afraid he doesn’t wanna be my friend anymore.
TL;DR: My sister rated all of my friends and one, Max does not like people to see his face. When I sent his pic I deleted it fast but she still saved it and accidentally sent it to her friends. Now Max is pissed at me.
AcrobaticSource3: Why is your sister rating your friends? Tell her to use Tinder like everyone else. To make it up to Max, she’s gotta bang him now
oohshooot: I approve this idea
AcrobaticSource3: I found Max’s reddit account
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1656349276 | 1656349667 | t3_vm09po | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking reddit what to do with my life, LOL
[deleted]
skullyfrost40: Do u want to stay with your mom? If not then use the money to move out on your own. If you are planning to stay there maybe invest some of it, save some for emergencies, and then buy something for you.
L0V3G00D: Leaving her in not an option, she's old and cannot be alone for too long. And i'm not putting someone in charge of her.
And since i provide for her, i'm not finantial stable enough to provide for both of us living in separated houses.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1656349316 | 1656354597 | t3_vm0aak | t5_2to41 | 47 | heartbrokenchristian: TIFU by letting church control my sex life
[removed]
shadesofwolves: Why is loving intimacy between two consenting adults even considered sin in the first place? What makes it sin? Is anybody hurt?
Live your life your way, and trust that as long as you aren't causing harm and living a full life, no higher power that loves you will hold that against you.
Captainschitqunt: To stop large amounts of children being born out of wedlock daily. These "sins" were written before the times of condoms. What better way to convince people not to have kids unnecessarily than to tell them they'll go to hell for it.
It's all designed to help people lead "the best possible life" but it's just controlling and manipulative instead.
shadesofwolves: That's exactly my point, there isn't any reason besides ensuring subservience.
Captainschitqunt: I was aware you were being rhetorical. My comment was more of an addition to yours, for those who need it spelling out.
>there isn't any reason besides ensuring subservience.
Definitely. Couldn't agree more.
shadesofwolves: Ah my mistake! I misunderstood.
Captainschitqunt: Nah it's my bad, I definitely could have phrased it better :)
| 7 | 6.714286 | |
1656348532 | 1656384696 | t3_vlzz70 | t5_2to41 | 7,395 | Academic-Resident-44: TIFU by getting too drunk before meeting my crush.
This actually happened yesterday, but I'm still in the process of piecing together what happened.
So I've been talking to my crush over text for 2 months now. We couldn't meet irl for a couple reasons but we set yesterday as the date to meet up. My parents weren't home, so she couldn't come over on her own, as her mum wouldn't let her. So I organised a house party so she could come. (I geuss they thought we wouldn't get up to anything if there were people in the house). This was the first time I'd seen her in 2 months, and hopefully if things went right the first time we had sex. I assumed sex was on the table, because one particular night, we were sexting away and we got so riled up, that she wanted me to sneak into her house and do the dirty that night. But unfortunately I can't drive, and it was like a 2 hour bike ride to her house and it was already 3 in the morning, so it didn't really happen.
So yesterday I got very nervous, and before she had even showed up I was 4 beers down. I also don't really eat breakfast, and was super nervous and slightly sick from the night before because I was at a music festival. All this lead to my alcohol tolerance being very low. I knew this, but my nerves got the best of me and I kept drinking. Then after a couple shots, I finally mustered up the courage to ask her to come to my room with me. Which she did. We ended up talking for a while, and then kissing, and then eventually I start taking her clothes off. This is where fuck up number 1 happens. I completely forget to take my own clothes off. I don't know why, but I forgot. I was already pretty out of it at this point. Then fuck up number 2, instead of asking her for consent with a yes or no question, I asked her to just let me know if she's uncomfortable and ill stop. Obviously I respect her, and want her to be comfortable, and I'm really dumb, I later found out that this is a bad way to ask for consent and puts women in pressure to say yes. I then start eating her out, to which she stops me. She just taps on my head and gives me a look, and I Obviously stop.
After this we kinda just cuddle for a bit. It would've been awkward and not great if it ended here, but not a complete fuck up. But no I'm too dumb for that. The third fuck up happens when I decide to restart. We start going at it again, and me being dumb, I forget to take off my clothes again. To be fair, in the moment I was just focusing on her, and I kinda forgot I existed. I take off her shirt, and what not. And I'm kissing away, and I feel a massive urge to puke. I immediately recoil back, shout I'm gonna puke, run out the door, like a fucking idiot leave the door wide open, with her sitting there with no shirt on, and I run into the bathroom. Only to slip on the bathmat, hit my head on the bathtub, and puke on the floor.
Yeah she heard all that. Luckily no one was outside, so even though me leaving the door open was terrible, it didn't lead to anything. But when I got back she was fully clothed and did not have a happy look on her face. So I told her we should go join the others downstairs. Rest of the night was not fun, I did indeed drink more, and then puke more, and she did not look very happy. And fuck up number 4, I asked her if she wanted to go back upstairs, she looked me dead in the eye and said "why?". Yeah, I barely talked to her after that. I really liked her, but I think that why just killed any chance I had. She did send me one snap today, but that was it. I think she's just gonna keeping snapping once a day and then eventually stop, since she's a nice person and not the type to just ghost someone.
To make matters worse, I was talking to my best friend. She was pretty sober, and barely drank, and my best friend was saying that she probably stayed sober to have sex with me. And that the reason she didn't want to have sex with me was because I was so drunk. Then the puking and shit after just killed any chance of a second shot. This hurt especially bad because before we went upstairs, I asked her if she wanted to do shots and she literally told me that I should slow down.
He also said that I was a complete asshole, and if she told her big brother any of this, that I will be in for a beating of my lifetime. And that I'd have deserved it, and would've just had to take it.
TL;DR - I got drunk, made my crush uncomfortable while trying to have sex with her. Then ran out the room to puke, leaving the door wide open with her naked in it, only to fall and puke on the floor. Then asker her if she wanted to do it again, to which she replied "why".
furstimus: Have you told her you were nervous and that you're sorry at any point since that evening?
Academic-Resident-44: I want to say I'm sorry. But my friend told me to see how she's doing the next few days, then ask her out and say sorry in person. If she stops replying, or just doesn't want to see me, he said saying sorry and bringing it up wouldn't have helped anyway.
bherman1325: Don't listen to your friend. Coming from an adult, you should own up and apologize as soon as you can. Just text her a full explanation. That will give her time to digest it without the pressure of you doing it in person.
Academic-Resident-44: I don't really know what to say though. Obviously I wanna say I'm sorry, but other than being nervous I don't have much of an excuse. I was just an asshole.
bherman1325: Well... Why are you sorry for what you did? Explain you like her a lot and that made you nervous. The nervousness led to you drinking way more than you should have to calm your nerves, which resulted in things going as badly as they did. Tell her if she is ok with it, you would like to spend time with her again with no alcohol involved. And preferably in a public place so she can see if she is still comfortable around you or not without any pressure of being alone.
Academic-Resident-44: Dang thats a really nice way of putting it. I'll text her something similar then. Thanks man, if this works out I will be sure to dm u and invite u to the wedding lmao.
Gareth79: I personally wouldn't put it as "we can meet in a public place" because that sounds like you are implying you are a danger, or a creep or something. Just put it more like "perhaps we can meet at (restaurant), the meal is on me as my way to apologise"
Do this absolutely as soon as possible, your friend was dumb to advise you to wait. What did they think you were to wait for? HER to apologise?!?! Do not listen to any of their advice again. There's absolutely no downside to apologising.
eattheelitists: Knowing kids he probably wants to swoop in on him.
AC-AnimalCreed: I’d say it’s more likely he’s just as clueless as OP is
eattheelitists: One or the other. Keep in mind how cynical people are at that age too, especially over girls. And girls over guys too.
| 11 | 672.272727 | |
1656339397 | 1656357713 | t3_vlwj0u | t5_2to41 | 5 | SaltItsMeChris: Tifu by not having social media
Yesterday night I went to the one summer Vanderbilt building 9:00 time for the night view. Let me tell you it was a awesome experience but anyways I went there and there's these 4 floors but once you go up one you can't go back down. I paid for the full 4 floors and right before this I smoked a joint survived a overdose haha but that's another tifu. I was on the first floor and during the night you can see the whole city, gorgeous. But I sat down on the glass floor and then this girl came over asked if I had a iPhone charger which I didn't then I heard her mumble asomething in her language (at first I wasn't sure but I thought she spoke in Thai which I am too) but I was pretty stoned at that moment which I didn't disclose for another 15 minutes.
Anyways she then proceeded to sit down next to me my best guess was because she didn't get the ticket for the entire four floors. But after five minutes I said I could Power share my battery with hers but my dumbass was spamming the power save button instead of power share. At first we thought it didn't work and stopped trying but after another five minutes I realized my mistake and let her charge my phone on mine.
After 15 minutes I told her I'd like to go to the next floor and asked her if she was actually Thai. She was pretty surprised and asked me for my fucking Instagram.... I BARELY use social media and the one IG account I actually made a effort on I deleted. Told her I didn't have one and she we said bye. Sometimes I feel like a old soul trapped in a young body smh fml
TLDR: Didnt have social media lost my chance with cute girl while stoned at one summit
Fun-Dragonfruit-298: Ouch you should’ve given her your number instead.
SaltItsMeChris: I tried when I told her I didn't have Instagram I said "you mean my phone number" when she asked for something that turned out to be "do you have IG???" I tried to offer my phone number but she just idk wtf she did haha. I'm not exactly sure why she couldnt take my number maybe wasn't interested or idk
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1656354171 | 1656381515 | t3_vm26fq | t5_2to41 | 13,263 | AcuteMtnSalsa: TIFU and ruined my pool party with a fountain stench and death.
This title is not an exaggeration. I ruined my pool party in the most macabre way imaginable.
I have a lovely pool at my house, and it is summer here in the northern hemisphere. Those are about the only justifications I need to throw a pool party. I had one in-progress yesterday.
My pool has a fountain attached to it. Water, fed by a separate pump, cascades over rocks and into the pool. Also lovely.
I fucked up big time. I did not run the fountain at all during the off-season. Normally I do click it on occasionally to keep the pump primed. Not this winter though. This winter I chose careless optimism.
When I did turn on the fountain for the first time this season, my guests were there. Children splashed happily in the water and attractive women lounged nearby in a variety of strings and tiny cloth pieces.
I wanted ambiance. So I gave everyone…. PICKLED LIZARD JUICE.
When the pump turned on, it was in fact already primed. Water began flowing immediately over the rocks and into the pool. But there was something wrong. So, so very wrong.
The first thing someone noticed was the cloud of murk growing at the end of the pool nearest the fountain. Then, the immediate and overwhelming stench. A smell that defies description. One so repugnant that it seems to get into the cells of your frontal cortex and sticks with you for days.
Sobering reality came down hard and fast on my pina-colada-day-drunk.
Lizards. The fucking lizards. During the off season, they must have made a suicide pact and flung themselves down the slick-walled vertical pipe that feeds the fountain, where they stewed for months, creating a brackish lizard broth reserved for the devil himself.
It’s hard to say how many there were, but judging by the varying degree of decayed corpses now drifting in a cloud of unholy murk toward the children, it was MANY.
My pool party ended abruptly, and now I’m contemplating how to fix the 20,000 gallons of death soup I’ve created. I’ve started by skimming jellied lizard parts and vomit from the water.
Fin.
TL;DR: a tide of partially liquified dead lizards swept through my pool party
Edit: I’m grateful for all the current and former pool guys jumping on here. You have helped confirm my suspicion that a shitload of chemicals is the way, and that the solution to pollution is dilution. This has made the carrion geyser something I can laugh about. Whether guests will feel the same remains to be seen.
To the guy who dissolved a whole-ass deer in a pool, touché. Let’s hear that story.
Due-Profession-3563: Call a pool professional, they probably got what you need.
AcuteMtnSalsa: You mean a new pool?
I’ve shocked it into the next galaxy but hypochlorite does little for trauma.
The_Salacious_Zaand: Have you tried freebasing it?
biggobird: You boys ever smoked decayin lizard gizzards?
howtodragyourtrainin: /r/bandnames
biggobird: King gizzard & the lizard wizard would like a word
Frubanoid: This is my favorite band. How the f did it end up here haha
biggobird: caught me off guard recently hearing them talked about but they’re surprisingly huge now. They have almost a million monthly listeners on Spotify alone
Frubanoid: Wow, i randomly discovered them in an intimate/small bar venue in Philadelphia in 2015 and got hooked ever since. Seen them multiple times. They deserve the popularity.
biggobird: For real and same. Caught them at fyf back in the day and knew the naming alone would get them recognition but their set kicked ass on top of it
| 11 | 1,205.727273 | |
1656355386 | 1656355840 | t3_vm2nac | t5_2to41 | 21 | Radiodaize: TIFU By Mistaking A Dream For Reality And Almost Losing My Job?
This happened about ten years ago, but it's still cringeworthy.
I was a radio account executive, ie:; I sold advertising for a local radio station. One of my biggest clients was a huge car dealership. Not only did they buy advertising, but they traded four vehicles for extra ads with us. So I handled them with kid gloves.
Their dealership was downtown. One day on my way to a sales call I walked past the showroom. Much to my surprise I noticed they had cleared most of the cars off the floor, rearranged the sales desks, the lights were out and nobody was inside. I practically took a shit on the sidewalk. Were they going out of business? Was I about to lose my cash cow of a client?
Fortunately, we had a luncheon meeting the next week with the dealership management and my sales and marketing managers. After all the niceties during appetizers, I broached the subject. I told them I was walking past their showroom the other day and noticed most of the cars were gone, the desks were moved around, the lights were out and it was empty. I asked what was going on?
The dealership guys all gazed at me in wonderment and asked "what the FUCK I was talking about?" So I told them again. And they started looking at one another like I was crazy. Then my sales manager began giving me dirty looks.
Suddenly a chill ran down my spine like a bolt of lightening with a sensation of panic I'd never felt before. I HAD DREAMED THIS!!! NONE OF IT WAS TRUE!!! Reality hit me like a bag of hammers.
There we sat in a nervous silence. All eyes on me. I wished I was a crouton in my Caesar Salad. I thought of faking a heart attack. Projectile vomiting all over the table would be less embarrassing. Then my sales abilities kicked in; I made up a lie.
I emitted a hearty chuckle. And I proclaimed in a jovial voice, "Oh, that must have been (insert name of competing dealership). Since you've been advertising with us, you're kicking their ass!"
Everyone joined me by breaking into laughter. The dealership guys started the back slapping, smug in their newfound sucess. It was a safe bet because they were doing quite well with us. Then my sales manager let out a sigh of relief. As for me, I couldn't believe I just pulled my head out of my ass.
However, the lingering problem was that it wasn't true. Although in fact my client was making a larger radio footprint, the other dealership's lights were not out and their showroom was not empty. And sooner or later my client was going to realize I was lying.
But for the moment, I went from lunatic about to be fired, to miracle working sales professional. I tried to wallow in the accolades, but I knew full well the Sword of Damocles was dangling over my head.
TLDR; I was a radio sales rep. I dreamt I walked by a client's car dealership and it had closed down. So I asked them about it in a meeting. They thought I was insane. Then I realized it was all a dream. I talked my way out of it by saying I was joking, and it was actually the competition's dealership. I said it was empty because their advertising success closed their downtown showroom. But sooner or later they'd find out I was lying.
aleeseeahforyou: Yeahhhhhh I’m super guilty of this. I’ve just straight up said, wow, I’ve been so focused on your project I’m DREAMING about it now!!
People like it.
Also, when I do it more than once, I have, “oh man.. was that a dream??” Ha!
Radiodaize: You're braver than I am!
| 3 | 7 | |
1656358130 | 1656380014 | t3_vm3pgc | t5_2to41 | 88 | THEBIGC01: TIFU by listening to music at work
So I may be getting fired today. Today I was at work and just doing some regular stocking. It’s a slow day so my manager didn’t mind me having an AirPod in and listening to music. While I listen to music I often have a tendency to sing along to the music, albeit mostly under my breath, a habit I picked up during the mask mandates.
So there I was listening to Spotify, while I was working a rather large woman came by and needed me to move so she could grab some cans. I of course move out of the way. Well while she’s perusing my section “Monster” by Kanye West and company came on my shuffle. It being one of my favorite songs I know all the words and started to say some of the lyrics. While she’s still there, Rick Ross’s verse comes on and I say, quietly, “fat motherfucker”. The lady must have had perfect hearing cause she immediately straightened up and looked at me directly and yelled “WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!”.
I try to apologize and explain that I was listening to music and I sang along without thinking but she has none of it. She immediately goes off to find a manager. I just got told over my walkie-talkie that when I’m done with my section to go to my managers office.
TL;DR: I sang along to a Rick Ross verse and unintentionally called a customer a fat motherfucker.
Chezkc1802: Yep TYDFU 🤦🏼♀️
Eviscerate_Bowels224: What does TYDFU mean?
himewaridesu: Today you done fucked up
| 4 | 22 | |
1656359391 | 1656387409 | t3_vm46rk | t5_2to41 | 455 | [deleted]: TIFU by saying my gf would be fat if she'd weigh 80 kg
[deleted]
CFH20: Seems like more a her thing than a you thing. You assigning a specific weight probably didn't help things, but definitely more about something she has going on regarding her schemata and core beliefs.
Routine-Customer-396: I always try to tell her she'll always be beautiful, that she doesn't need to change and even prove her she's not overweight, cause she's not. I think i was just about too specific, cause now that it think Abt ir, 60 isn't very far from 80 and it just hit her
Icy-Access-4808: >I always try to tell her she'll always be beautiful, that she doesn't need to change and even prove her she's not overweight, cause she's not.
Less is more - not if - not you're not....
You're beautiful. FULL STOP Don't get sucked into a head game of "if I turned green would you still love me"? That's a game. And it's a game you won't win. Ever.
You've seen the whole joke of "do these pants make me look fat?" - you CAN NOT WIN THAT
Just kiss her on the forehead and say - you're beautiful. and SHUT UP.
If she's hung up on something more than you loving her? That's on her. If she keep baiting you and pushing? That's a her problem.
​
\*Source? I'm a woman in my early 40s and have seen my friends torture men for years with this "I WANT MORE ATTENTION""TELL ME I'M PRETTY"nonsense. You aren't going to win. Sorry. You have a shallow needy GF who needs to either get comfortable in her own skin or not. You can't possibly praise her enough to fill the whole of attention she wants.
Routine-Customer-396: Hmm, she says pretty often that i don't tell her she's pretty as soon as I see her.. she wants it very often. And she said she has a praise kink for example i told her yesterday that she has beautiful eyelashes, today she had the exact and got a bit upset that i didn't say a thing Abt them today..
Icy-Access-4808: There is more to life than someone telling you "you're pretty" on the reg. She can start an onlyfans if she needs that kind of validation.
Day to day in the real world - I will excuse the fact you left the pod in the keurig for the MILLIONTH TIME and I want to throw a coffee cup at you but I WON'T - is a sign of love.
You might want to ask yourself - how often does she say you're pretty? Or compliment you? Is this just you fawning over her?
Don't do that.
Routine-Customer-396: She also says I'm pretty and compliments me quite often. Idk if as often as she wants me to compliment her, I'm not sure, but pretty often.
Icy-Access-4808: So what is the basis of your relationship? You two telling each other you're pretty? And getting into arguments if you don't compliment her in the way she wants at the moment?
I'd say she's pretty shallow and unless you want a "she's pretty" answer as a response to "why do you put up with her?" question you might want to work on the relationship
Routine-Customer-396: I'm with her not only cause she's pretty, but mainly because of her good character traits.
Icy-Access-4808: Like? You haven't shared any of those in this post, unfortunately. What do you love about her? Is that a starting point to rebuild her confidence?
Routine-Customer-396: She's very funny, caring, smart, clever, patient, passionate, cute, understanding, forgiving and lovely.
Icy-Access-4808: Tell her THAT.
Just look at her and say "You need to stop. You're funny, caring, smart, clever, patient, passionate, cute, understanding, forgiving and lovely."
She will crumble and maybe - get her head out of her WHATEVER long enough to realize you are enough likes for her ego
If not? Really - she needs a therapist
| 12 | 37.916667 | |
1656359237 | 1656464758 | t3_vm44r2 | t5_2to41 | 344 | Zoomii555: TIFU by misusing my WiFi extender for years
A few years ago we moved to a new house. Due to a few things, the only place that I could really put my gaming setup was on the opposite side of the house as the WiFi router. I quickly realized that my connection was hit or miss, so I decided to buy a WiFi booster to put about halfway between the router and my game room. I got it set up, and from there is should've been easy sailing. Unfortunately, I noticed that my connection was still hit or miss, but I figured it had to have been better than it was before I hooked up the extender.
Fast forward to a month ago, and my connection really started taking a dump. I'm talking, disconnects every 30 minutes or so dump. It made it super hard to play online games because I was getting disconnected all the time. I reached a point where I was avoiding some of my favorite games because I was worried that I'd get disconnected and ruin the experience for others, and I might even get banned in some games for "leaving" a match early.
A couple hours ago, I got disconnected once again, and I was fed up. I needed to get to the bottom of this. After a little digging around on the internet, I was looking at my WiFi menu and I decided to try connecting to the "EXT" version of my WiFi that had been there ever since I hooked up the booster. I knew it was the extended WiFi, but I had tried connecting to it when I got the booster and it said no internet, so I assumed it just boosted the WiFi and had its own connection for some reason. Turns out it DOES work, and my gaming experience has NEVER been smoother. No more lag, no more stuttering, and most importantly, no more disconnects. It's literally heaven.
TLDR; Got a WiFi booster a few years ago, just learned I actually need to connect to the booster's WiFi to get the boosted WiFi
MoistButton8: Not really related to your story, but my parents have had a smart tv for years and REFUSE to even LOOK at a WiFi extender. Their TV is on the opposite side of the house with the main HVAC running through the blocking wall.
They always complain about poor connection and just watch the screen when it attempts to reconnect when the signal drops ALL THE TIME.
Side not actually relating to your story, I had a combo router/modem from my isp that I found out (way too long after) could not even handle 1/4 of the speed I paid for... got my own hardware not too long after.
myaltaltaltacct: Why don't you guerilla-install an extender for them?
MoistButton8: I visit about twice a year and kind of not on great terms with them. I kind of sit in another room whenever I visit, so it does not come up much anymore.
myaltaltaltacct: Well...uh...I'm sorry to hear that. That's kind of sad. Not the way I thought this Reddit comment was going to go.
MoistButton8: No worries, sorry to ruin the mood. I'm in my 30s, gotten used to it at this point.
myaltaltaltacct: Geez...that's even darker. I thought you were going to be a teenager, and maybe that's just what teenagers do at that point in their life/in this day and age. I'm...older...and I guess I wasn't on the best terms with one of my parents (deceased for a while now) and, specifically, didn't visit this parent as a result and so I guess that might be something similar...but I'm still a little bummed for you.
MoistButton8: Sorry to bum you out. I have few mental issues and if you want to pour through my comment history I talk about it freely.
Not sure where to go with this comment chain, but feel free to ask anything here or in DMs.
myaltaltaltacct: Another few off-topic comments and we're going to raise alarms. I'm not going to stalk you through your comment history. I just hope that things improve for you. But, what do I know. Maybe you have an awesome life outside of your relationship with your parents and I'm just fixating on the one tiny fact that I know about you. In any case, whatever your situation -- even if it is already outstanding -- I hope it gets (even) better.
MoistButton8: Is it stalking to look through peoples comment history? I do it all the time to get a picture of people. Thought that was the point of it... as a conversation starter.
I am lucky more than happy. Still trying to get where I want to be.
| 10 | 34.4 | |
1656360349 | 1656361899 | t3_vm4kau | t5_2to41 | 2 | MarketHelpful1118: TIFU by cheating on my wife with a gay man
Me(M32) fucked up by cheating on my wife (F33) who I will call Jane with not only a gay man but my wife’s dad who is a 57 year old male that I will call jack. Here’s some context, Jack found out he was gay not to long after Jane was born after he came out he got divorced to janes mother. She still kept contact with Jane however she died in 2019 on mine and Janes 10 year anniversary. I have always suspected jack to have a crush on me (I am a bisexual man) but I of course thought no action would be taken and he would eventually give up on me however he didn’t he always ran his hand on my thigh or secretly touched my bum but I didn’t mind that much ( he is rather attractive). But after one night out I was drunk and was in the mood for some fun and drove over to his house we must of had fun for a while as I ended up sleeping over this then became a weekly thing. Until one night my wife came round while we were in bed and caught us. She had refused to talk to me or her father until she finally came up to me with the divorce papers I still love her but I also have feelings for her dad what do I do
TL;DR I had sex with my wife’s dad and she found now she wants a divorce but I still love her and her dad.
redbucket75: Bruh. Sign the divorce papers, give her whatever she wants in the settlement that doesn't include ongoing payments.
MarketHelpful1118: I’m going to try keep most things wish me luck!
redbucket75: I wish her all the luck in the world.
MarketHelpful1118: Why
ec1991: Because you're a cheater and you deserve nothing.
| 6 | 0.333333 | |
1656366214 | 1656370870 | t3_vm6607 | t5_2to41 | 0 | [deleted]: TIFU by cheating on my cheating boyfriend
[removed]
Upvotes4Trump: You should try it one more time and see how it goes. Just send me a DM.
SDennis05: Bruh you creep
Upvotes4Trump: Lol.
Well I thought it was funny.
SDennis05: She has a shitty bf bro we got no reason to make her feel shittier
Upvotes4Trump: Who said I'm making her feel shittier? Get over yourself and stop white knighting. This is the internet remember not a counseling session.
SDennis05: I’m not being a white knight but people like you and your comments are unneeded
Upvotes4Trump: I decide what's needed, and I felt a good joke was needed.
SDennis05: Didn’t sound like a good joke 😂
Upvotes4Trump: Because you have no sense of humor. 😁
SDennis05: Tbh it seems like there’s a few others that agree with me but let’s set aside our little discussion. To talk about the onlyfans like WTF
Upvotes4Trump: They agree with you because of my username. It doesn't matter what I say I'm bombarded with downvotes on the daily.
| 12 | 0 | |
1656367065 | 1656368680 | t3_vm6j8y | t5_2to41 | 6 | dodo1287: TIFU by buying a car with complete payment without obtaining the Car's Title first.
Actually this is me (M living in Europe) and the person who bought the car is my wife (F living in CA)
So I bought a call from a private seller for $9500, but in contract we wrote 4500 because of DMV which I would pay less. So I went to DMV but they said the previous owner didnt pay all of cars debt or hasn't submitted it yet. I needed the Cars Title from the previous owner, she said she would send it to me in 2 days but since that she not only didnt send it but also she wont return my calls even blocked me. Cherry on top, we don't even know her address where she lives or any other links to her. I don't know what to do now, we both worked our ass off for 6 months for this opportunity to buy a car and now I'm seeing it all gone. What should we do?
Ps. She went without anyone who's experienced in buying cars and bought the cars in the same day, I knew this was a bad idea since she was completely inexperienced but I didn't want to push it on her for not killing her choice (she chose the car). ALSO we bought the Car in USA, California
Edit: We actually have a contract that says it's been given to us for $4500 also we have the car with us, the problem is we don't know if it's stolen (by the person we bought it from) or not, so we didn't drive it till now. Now my wife is in DMW trying to understand what to do but i posted here anyways since here you could get some secure answers.
Edit 2: The vermont title loophole won't apply on this car I guess since the model is fiat 500x 2016 and not 15 years old!
TL;DR: I bought a car from a private seller without asking for the title first and now she blocked us.
nnaughtydogg: That sucks man. Lesson learned i guess. So to clarify you just gave someone 9500 without getting any paperwork or details from the seller?
dodo1287: We actually have a contract that says it's been given to us for $4500 also we have the car with us, the problem is we don't know if it's stolen (by the person we bought it from) or not, so we didn't drive it till now. Now my wife is in DMW trying to understand what to do but i posted here anyways since here you could get some secure answers.
nnaughtydogg: Damn. That sucks. At least you have the car though. Hope things work out man
dodo1287: Thank you I hope too
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1656368520 | 1656373875 | t3_vm74rb | t5_2to41 | 1,932 | [deleted]: Tifu by taking melatonin on a flight
[deleted]
GeoInfoSciLHP: Sounds like you slept hard
AdamMartinez88: And wet
GeoInfoSciLHP: Moist
canolafly: No.
That's not a word. I forbid it.
Reaper_2632: He didn't say "no" though, he said "moist". So why does it matter "no" isn't a word? /s
| 6 | 322 | |
1656368906 | 1656373791 | t3_vm7a2e | t5_2to41 | 80 | Deditranspotashy: TIFU by flushing drain flies down my toilet
This story isn't sad at all like most posts in this sub it's just gross
My bathroom sink has been infested with drain flies for a good two years now. If you don't know what drain flies are, they're these little moth-looking flies that breed in damp areas, and often infest pipes. I have tried multiple times to kill them all with drano and boiling water but they keep coming back. At this point I have given up on my sink and have now moved the front to defending them from getting into my toilet as well.
I have been very intensive about this, I never leave the toilet seat up if it doesn't need to be up, and I check it regularly to see if any flies have gotten in there. And recently I've recruited the help of a daddy long legs to hunt down the ones that sneak past me. My bathroom walls are literally covered in tiny stains of drain-fly blood. I've been doing this for a while so at this point I'm completely desensitized to how gross it is, which might be a more serious problem than the flies the more I think about it.
Today I noticed that my sink was flooded. My sink is often flooded because all the drain-fly gunk catches the water, and my brother (who I share the bathroom with) often runs the sink a lot longer than he needs to. When the sink floods, drain fly larvae will sometimes swim up out of the pipe, allowing me to kill them before they reach their final form.
Knowing this, I intentionally waited until the water was gone, then I took a wad of toilet paper and dragged it across the bowl, making sure that every larvae I picked up was good and smushed. Inspecting the paper (because I have to be thorough) I noticed that some of the larvae was more or less in-tact.
"No matter" I thought, "The pressure was probably enough that they're dead. And if they're not I can just put them into a habitat where they'll die anyway."
But there's the problem. If this last year has taught me anything, it's that drain-flies are resilient little fuckers. My first thought (and in hindsight the correct thought) was that I should just throw the paper into the trash. But then I worried that the trash might still be too habitable for them, the paper they were on is pretty damp after all, who's to say they don't make more drain-flies in there while I'm not looking?!?
Then my thought was: "if I want these guys good and dead, I should throw them someplace where they'll never come back. I know! The Toilet! Nothing ever comes back from the toilet".
And so I flushed them, immediately realizing my mistake. The toilet is EXACTLY where they WANT to be! A year of keeping them from the toilet and I just fucking gave it to them!
The silver lining to this story is that it isn't over yet. I've yet to confirm if the toilet is compromised. I might have lucked out, and the larvae might have died before I even threw them in. But I can't be sure, and that thought terrifies me. I have written this post to share in my anxiety with all of you. Don't be like me. And seriously if you have a drain-fly infestation just call a god-damn professional cause goddamn
TL;DR I let a infestation of flies which are specifically designed to survive in plumbing into my toilet trying to get rid of them
f_dumbo: No offense but why havent you just gotten a professional after 2 years to deal with it
Deditranspotashy: To be 100% honest, social anxiety and I’m not in control of my money. I won’t go into more detail than that but it isn’t really something that I can just do if you get me
f_dumbo: Yeah thats fair
| 4 | 20 | |
1656363842 | 1656386384 | t3_vm5woi | t5_2to41 | 4 | Notontinderanymore: TIFU by having sex with a guy from tinder
[removed]
TerminallyBlonde: Yeahhh block the new one and move on, yikes. If this ever happens again, tell him next time instead of enduring it!
Notontinderanymore: Already did, not holding back next time.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1656372173 | 1656409648 | t3_vm8gnq | t5_2to41 | 11 | accountthrow21412: TIFU I hurt my girlfriend by being jealous
(No i didn't beat her curse her out or anything) a couple of days ago (my ex now but let's call her Angie), was getting help for an assignment for a subject she had a really hard time on, Angie was friends with a student-teacher ( (Male) they were 6 years apart and didn't like her nor did she like him back I'll just be saying SL) and he was really good at that subject. he helped her out a lot, I'm thankful that he did. so she went to the library with him, she told me she was going to the library before that day and before she left. but she left out that she was going with someone, i told her to be safe. she got there and she hasn't been responding to my text. she would respond on iMessage faster but i was sending her texts on Snapchat. i called her to check up on her to see if everything is alright and asked her who she was with and she said she was with the SL. and that they were going somewhere to take some photos, i started feeling jealous, once she said that i just responded with "oh okay" with a real un interested voice i just felt so jealous then i said to be safe, i couldn't hold myself together i started texting dry and told her "we'll discuss this issue when you get home" and she started to get worried. once Angie got home i told her how bad she communicated and that you never told me you were with the SL or even texted me. Even though she was communicating really well and it was just me not communicating well and letting that jealously take over me, i was being petty and left her on deliver on purpose being super dry, and overall just making everything so difficult. and started to say things like "am i a bad bf" or "am i good enough" looking back at it those words hurt so fucking much i would be crying too if my partner told me that. she was really concerned and sad, meanwhile i kept reassuring myself to her by saying those. i hurt her, i hurt her really badly that it's unforgivable. i wasn't able to give her, her own space. this was my first time ever feeling jealous and this is how i reacted. i hurt her and now we're no longer together. 5 years are now gone, gone because i didn't communicate correctly and overdid it when i got jealous and failed to give her own personal space and time. now I'm alone, i had no one to talk to besides one person. I'm alone and sad she was my everything.
​
TL;DR: ex(F) got help at the library with an SL(M) without telling me, i got jealous and told her things that hurt her "am i a bad bf" etc, and being dry. i hurt her really badly that it's unforgivable. and now we're no longer together.
Difficult-Camp4854: You need to sort out your insecurities my G, many people have them and they’re a major route to jealousy or at least it was mine, work on yourself, meditate, lift some weight, eat ya protein, drink your water, keep yourself groomed, uplift yourself with mantras and affirmation’s “today I choose security” those things, and in time your confidence will Grow and you can work out your insecurities which will in turn help your jealousy go away, you can’t change the past, but you decide what you do going forward, you decide who you get to grow up to be from here on out it’s not a pre written story, you’re the author of your own tale…and I know all this because I did the exact same shit and also lost someone who I really didn’t want to lose…it’s these situations that can make or break a person, and I hope for your sake you’re strong 💪🏼
accountthrow21412: >You need to sort out your insecurities my G, many people have them and they’re a major route to jealousy or at least it was mine, work on yourself, meditate, lift some weight, eat ya protein, drink your water, keep yourself groomed, uplift yourself with mantras and affirmation’s “today I choose security” those things, and in time your confidence will Grow and you can work out your insecurities which will in turn help your jealousy go away, you can’t change the past, but you decide what you do going forward, you decide who you get to grow up to be from here on out it’s not a pre written story, you’re the author of your own tale…and I know all this because I did the exact same shit and also lost someone who I really didn’t want to lose…it’s these situations that can make or break a person, and I ho
thank you so much, i couldn't even sleep today. I'm trying to grow and improve, i know it's going to take some time to adjust to things now. i really appreciate you so much
Difficult-Camp4854: Just try not to beat yourself up too much about it, there’s enough people out there that will be willing to drag you down without you giving them a helping hand, you’ve got this! Just take it one day at a time!
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1656373198 | 1656375954 | t3_vm8tr9 | t5_2to41 | 41 | NoInflation7532: TIFU by ruining my hair 2 months before my wedding
Feeling pretty crappy about myself and just need to vent a little!
My partner and I are planning on eloping end of August with a few of our close friends (because of family drama I don’t want to get into, easier to break the news when we get back).
I’ve been slowly gearing up for the day, getting my nails taken care of (I’m a nail biter trying desperately hard to kick the habit long enough to have my natural nails for the day), doing regular exercise and eating well etc. Just generally trying to be the best version of myself.
So a couple days ago I went to get my hair trimmed and I asked for a slight curtain bang at the front and they did a really lovely job. The next day I’m thinking I actually would have liked them to take a little bit more off which is where it all goes wrong.
I asked my mum to touch up the front and take a little bit more off. I trusted her to do this as she cut my hair my whole childhood life. She’s proceeded to take way too much and I am now feeling really sad and also stupid for taking the risk.
I’ve wasted a really lovely haircut and now I’m worried it’s not going to be fixable and I’m going to spend my wedding day feeling crappy about myself.
To add to the shitty feeling I’ve had to just laugh it off with my mum because she doesn’t know of our wedding plans I don’t want her to feel guilty for making me feel this way.
Any fellow brides done anything similarly stupid to make me feel better about myself?
TL;DR Asked my mum to trim my hair and she butchered it, worried I’ll feel shitty on my wedding day.
Big-Breadfruit-4894: Get it fixed at a good salon?
NoInflation7532: I’m planning on phoning tomorrow to do exactly this, but I don’t think I’ll shake the bad feeling in the pit of my stomach until it’s sorted 😩 hopefully it’s fixable!
Big-Breadfruit-4894: Of course it is. And if its all bad then you can always have a elegant knot or something.
| 4 | 10.25 | |
1656389580 | 1656499602 | t3_vm8hme | t5_2to41 | 3 | FretlessMayhem: Hello Ash.
Dezirrez: You're guaranteed a closet pedophile. Go turn yourself in freak
DowntownWrangler94: Forgot to switch accounts? Lmao
Dezirrez: Did you? I quite clearly commented on someone else.
Soo funny being a dumbass huh.
DowntownWrangler94: I mean I can post the ss if you would like to see it lol
| 5 | 0.6 | |
1656374653 | 1656407809 | t3_vm9b8j | t5_2to41 | 31 | tifuthrowaway573747: tifu by having an upset stomach in an exam
*not today but a few weeks ago, during my gcse exams (bc i’m from the uk)
also relevant later: we have school uniform here which is, for girls, a SKIRT, blazer, shirt and tie.
This happened a few weeks into exams during English literature paper 1, which is 2 hours long.
I was very stressed about my english exams and wanted to do well, which led to me stress eating the whole night before aswell as not sleeping much the night before the exam (due to stress)
On the morning of the exam, I set my alarm for 6:45am just so I had time to prepare myself and shower etc, also to go to the toilet. But I couldn’t, literally just wasn’t happening and I tried because I refuse to use school toilets after the time someone looked under the door whilst i was on the toilet in y10.
Anyway as soon as I left my house and got on the bus, my stomach was rumbling and I felt like i needed the toilet, but only slightly. Traffic was really bad and it took around 45 minutes to get to school, even thought it usually only takes 20-25 minutes, and it was like 8:50 so I had to go straight to the exam since we usually go in around 8:55 to start at 9. All the anxiety was making my stomach a lot worse and I kept needing to fart and by this point needed to go quite badly.
The exam started and tbh it was a really easy question (how is guilt presented in macbeth) but I couldn’t concentrate because I was desperate to poo. My stomach was rumbling really loudly and I was rly embarrassed from the people who could hear it.
It kept coming in like waves of urgency and really bad pain, then it would ease a bit, then come back again.
Eventually the pain and desperation was too much and it actually was leaking a bit bc of the farts so I asked an invigilator if i could go to the toilet but he took ages to let me bc he had to email someone to come get me and then I had to wait for them, and it got so bad that I just couldn’t hold it and i just started having diarrhoea like badly. It was literally so mortifying and disgusting and the invigilator realised what had happened when I was like hovering over my chair because it was pooling all on the chair (tmi warning: thong and skirt are both literally useless at containing shit)
The invigilator let me go so I covered myself up with my blazer and went toilet. Luckily not many people saw and only a few mentioned it because they were all focused on their exam.
My exams officer applied for special consideration for me and I was able to finish the exam in a separate room with the time i missed added on
tldr: shat myself during gcse exam
megmegamegan: I'm american, and this is the first time I have ever seen the term invigilator in my life and I kept switching between invi GILL Lator and in vigil ATOR.
They call them test proctors in the US btw because your probably curious
Hopetoconquer: Here in asia they're also called invigilators.
| 3 | 10.333333 | |
1656375436 | 1656377207 | t3_vm9knz | t5_2to41 | 6 | Ranglr_: TIFU by falling in love with a friend at the wrong time and losing them both ways.
I suppose this has been 'this year I fucked' up rather than a today, but story time anyways. A month or so ago I finally met a long time friend, we hit it off and hung out for 12hours the first day. About 8hours in we were stargazing and I knew I was going to have problems, oh and we say a swan but it was alone so I suppose maybe that was a bad omen. Over the weeks we talked, and we both liked each other. We hung out, and got to know each other. I got to know their family. Apparently they lost some of their feelings and were scared of commitment. Plus we're both not mentally healthy and at a terrible point in our lives for a relationship. Neither of us wanted on. For the past week I've sensed them pulling away. I panicked, and had a breakdown, and yesterday evening we broke it off. I thought it couldn't get worse, but today it seems they want basically no contact because they are afraid their feelings will affect them and future partners. I've never learned to love someone before, but they were definitely the first one I started too. I don't know how too feel. They were my only real friend and currently in my life I don't have any others. I ended up loosing some I adore as a friend and someone I began to love. I feel like my heart is broken and I haven't eaten in 48hours because when I do I gag it and my body tries to puke it up. My heart feels like a dagger has been run through, the world feels empty, and I can still taste their lips and it makes it so much worse. I don't know what to do with myself. I thought I was doing okay, then 30min ago they say they want no contact. I feel so broken, so worthless, so numb and yet in so much pain. I don't know what to do with myself, I've never felt so deeply about someone before.
TL;DR I fell in love with a long time friend on accident when neither of us are ready and lost a loved one and a friend.
MuskyLion: First thing is to breathe deeply. Get some caffeine in you if your diet allows: Coffee understands.
You sound like you're in crisis or close, so get in touch with someone (even a casual acquaintance) to lean on. If you have a counselor or therapist, get a hold of them ASAP. If you have a psychiatrist or someone that treats you medicinally, get in touch with them, too. If you don't have regular therapeutic aid, then contact a crisis hotline or VoIP app.
And keep breathing with deep, slow, controlled breaths.
Ranglr_: I was, I threw the pills away yesterday, I don't have anyone else thats the issue, thats why Im here. Not to share some shitty story of how these things usually unfold, but because I just need to tell someone. Even if it's just a fraction of what I feel and to people I don't know, I just need it.
And thank you
MuskyLion: If you have pills, then you have a doctor (or some similar professional) who probably has an answering service at least. Just keep that in mind.
You're welcome, fellow traveler. Keep breathing!
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1656376292 | 1656408219 | t3_vm9v3s | t5_2to41 | 5 | SeaEquipment3090: TIFU while using a gas station bathroom
i(f) went fishing with my dad and his friend(m). after fishing for about 6 hrs with not much luck we left and stopped at a random country gas station. since the women’s bathroom was empty i went in (both bathrooms were a tiny room with one toilet). i had the shits ngl, so it took me a good while in there. so i’m mid shit and the door starts to rattle, it’s one of those where you push the button to lock it so i looked over to make sure i locked it (i did). my socially awkward self totally didn’t want to say “occupied” or “someone’s in here” because that’s embarrassing so i hoped the locked door would be enough. NOPE. i finish my business and the door unlocks as im pulling my underwear back up and i almost shit myself again. the lady probably got a worker to unlock it. thankfully i heard my dad tell the lady “someone’s in there, wait a bit”. fucking relief i tell you and i relocked the door. i then proceeded to be as loud as possible washing and drying my hands and taking a good minute to do so (idk why, nervousness?). lady gave me a good stare as i walked out too.
TL;DR: didn’t say anything when someone tried to unlock the door while shitting at a gas station bathroom. she got a worker to unlock the bathroom but my dad told her i’m in there and to wait.
Foojangles: Girls don’t shit though.
SeaEquipment3090: unfortunately for you i am a human who poops like any other human. sorry it doesn’t turn into fairy dust that i sprinkle around to fit your idea of a girl, but i have no shame in normal body functions 🤷♀️
Foojangles: That’s so weird you poop.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1656376691 | 1656377216 | t3_vm9zuq | t5_2to41 | 13 | mikeoxmalss: TIFU by making a dark joke to my boyfriends mom
We were at a trap shooting event today and his mom just got done with a call. And she says the person on the call was like
Women on phone with mother: "where are you"
Mother:
Says something else(I honestly forgot)
my dumbass: "heh you should have said we were committing genocide (as there was a lot of shooting) and the a few seconds later I was like " I'm kidding" ( but I dont think she heard)
Mother: "wow you sound like you read a lot of murder books"
Me: "no my sister does tho, and she kind of influenced it on me"
I would like to say I was anxious( for the trap shooting) and I was trying to relax myself with a joke. Ot the fact that im socially awkward, and kind of learning how to conversate again since quarantine but I don't think that's really an excuse. It made me realize I need to learn to have a filter/ think about what I say a lot more carefully. I also dont think was happy with me. Man I feel like hagrid" I should have not said that" meme. She was also whispering to her son/my boyfriend a lot and honestly I was kind of worried she was saying that she didn't like me anymore and thinks I shouldn't be dating her son. She also started getting kind of distant, but I dont know if that's bc she had to like text a client or smth like that. I also talked to my parents and they said they wouldn't think much of it if that happened to their son. But I feel so guilty about it, but at the same time I don't want to bring it up what so ever.
TL:DR pretty much made a bad/wrong joke to my boyfriends mother, and I think she is not pleased that I said that
MuskyLion: I think you're probably good. A reasonable person would see it for what it was: A failed attempt at Earth humor. Give it a while and turn it into a fun embarrassing story.
mikeoxmalss: Okay this is comforting thank you
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1656384039 | 1656450955 | t3_vmcf1z | t5_2to41 | 31,646 | Ouroboros612: TIFU Had my mom and her friend spend 3 hours of their vacation looking for the colossus of Rhodes, one of the ancient wonders of the world, in order to "take a picture of it", Me not knowing, as a self-declared history buff, that it was destroyed thousands of years ago.
Happened roughly a month ago. My mom and her friend took a vacation to Rhodes. I've always been deep into history stuff as a hobby as well as gaming - recalling the colossus of rhodes from CIV and other games despite never actually having read up on it.
I told my mother jokingly on the phone that I'll never forgive her if she travels to Rhodes without taking a picture of the colossus of Rhodes considered one of the ancient wonders of the world. After hours of looking my mom and her friend gave up - stating it's not there. So frustrated I'm like "MOM! HOW CAN YOU MISS IT? IT'S LITERALLY A GIGANTIC STATUE!!!".
Having told my mom lots of stories from Greek and Roman history I had a lot of credibility on this stuff. I've always been interested and learned a lot about ancient history as a hobby. So imagine my embarrassment when I discovered it was ruined... not like a year ago... but thousands of years ago to an earthquake.
My mom did bring back a tiny colossus toy. Teasing me with "here I found your colossus"
**TL;DR**
Kept nagging my mom to take a picture of the colossus of rhodes while she and her friend was vacationing there. They couldn't find it - because it was destoyed thousands of years ago. They spent 3 hours looking for a giant statue they "couldn't miss".
**Edit:** Not sure why people is so mean, or think you know nothing of history because you screwed up a single thing :P Anyway. Didn't think this would get so much traction. I posted it because I don't take myself too seriously. And I was hoping this would be amusing and funny to people that's all. I'm an aspie with ADHD and depression no need to be cruel.
darth4caedus: Me and the homies are planning a trip to checn out the hanging gardens of Babylon. You down op?
lavishlad: Make sure to check them out from the lighthouse of Alexandria - great view, u can really see how hung those gardens are fr
RnBrie: Don't forget to check out the massive collection in the great library while you're there
CoastalChicken: After, they can stop for some refreshments at the cafe next to the Temple of Artemis.
pirate-santa: And then go for a lie down at the pyramid of Giza haha, oh wait....
SpinachSpinosaurus: the great wall of china isn't what it used to be either :/
Edit: what you see today is like you'd unroll a roll of toilet paper, lay it down in a straight line, and then thake 2, maybe 3 pieces out of it and throw away the rest and call those pieces "the great roll of toilet paper".
Sarctoth: It's not in China anymore? Or is it not a wall?
goegrog27: It isn’t great
newfor_2022: what do you mean? it's still pretty great
Kaidu313: Nah its just alright
Russian_For_Rent: The Alright Wall of China
i3LuDog: Greater than the “Alt-right” wall of America.
EmanantFlowOfficial: Hot damn that was good 😂
| 14 | 2,260.428571 | |
1656385273 | 1656417831 | t3_vmcsz0 | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by making the implication my boss should have been bothered during her honeymoon when I told her I needed to quit
[deleted]
Mother-Pitch5791: I doubt she is as worked up about it as you are. She was probably just trying to plug the whining cork back into your pie hole when she said she was going to talk to the other managers. She probably hasn't given a second thought to your outburst.
But when the stand in got sick (there are a couple of lessons you can walk away from this with. One is that there are no such things as coincidences), you should have informed the terminators that you weren't picking up the slack and they needed to get on the phones to cancel appointments or come down and start washing some dogs. You are not getting paid enough to clean up after their mess.
But for god's sake, don't go and offer some awkward apology or lose any sleep over this. Unless you left out the part where she was all distressed over the situation, that would be unnecessary and just force her to act like she gave a shit.
That is the other lesson. Don't make everything about you. Give people credit for being able to handle their shit and just worry about yours.
So that was harsh. But it brought up a memory for me . An old girlfriend from elementary school was kidnapped and killed by some scum that just wanted the car so they could rob some stores. She and I were still good friends and part of a larger group that was really close and still is to this day. When I finally went to see her parents, I gushed to the dad who answered the door and laid out this talk that I had prepared in my head.
But it wasn't her dad that answered, it was another father who was over there. When I realized it, he gave me a big hug and took me in to see the family. I was so embarrassed because I was already all wrought up in the emotions and thought how horrible that was of me. It took me some time reflecting on it to understand how unimportant I was at that time. The earth revolves around the sun. Not the other way around
FlatCircleAndAllThat: Thanks for the advice and sharing, I appreciate it!
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1656386904 | 1656429276 | t3_vmdbb9 | t5_2to41 | 24 | prettyyuglygirl: TIFU by following pretty women
[removed]
FlyingCatDragonn: Something tells me even if you were attractive on the outside you are one ugly guy on the inside, maybe try working on yourself rather than blaming everyone else? consider why you need the validation from other people so bad that you've gotten this bitter bro
AKtuallyRetarded: Gday mate!
FlyingCatDragonn: Gday!
AKtuallyRetarded: I'm still shook people were down talking Vegemite in the TIFU the other day.
FlyingCatDragonn: Man these people out here don't know what they're missing. smh. I don't understand how people overseas are out here eating it by the spoonful and wondering why its gross?
AKtuallyRetarded: Exactly. They spread it like Nutella, take a bite, and then surprise Pikachu face. It's like most things here though. In the USA, one does not simply consume something in moderation.
FlyingCatDragonn: I hope you're over there spreading the good word and showing people how to actually consume veggiemite
AKtuallyRetarded: Step one is teaching those around me that not everything needs to be deep fried. One step at a time mate. One step at a time.
FlyingCatDragonn: Thats fair, you're over there doing the lords work. I heard its rough over there
AKtuallyRetarded: Rough? What ever do you mean? Everything is fine
| 11 | 2.181818 | |
1656388150 | 1657764453 | t3_vmdovf | t5_2to41 | 88 | EfficientHospital130: TIFU I slept with a meth head
This was actually something that happened yesterday. I talked to this girl online who was seperated from her husband. She hadn't had sex in awhile and wanted to get together to play. So invite her over to my apartment.
Her 45 minute drive turned into 3 hours because she had to stop several times and even made a Walmart trip. For some reason she also had to get a money order.
She finally gets here and looked 45 instead of 32. She just looked like she had been pulled out of the gutter. When she got inside she got undressed next to my bed and asked if she could use. I told her that I was allergic to smoke and she couldn't smoke here. She said not to worry cause it was speed. So she ends up snorting powder or whatever off of the dresser.
She gets on my bed and felt so cold to the touch. I was going to eat her pussy but it didn't smell good. So I fingered her pussy and ass while sucking on her tits. I decided not to fuck her. But I let her play with my cock. She then sucked on it for awhile until I came in her mouth. She ran to the bathroom and spit it out because it was "too salty'.
Afterwards she starts playing with her phone. She called her bank cause she thought someone stole her money. She rambled about her life and living situation. And it took forever to get her out of my apartment. My apartment smelled like her damn pussy for the rest of the night. And I had to wash my hands 3 times to get her pussy smell off. I felt so bad afterwards. I tried talking to her about getting help but she wouldn't listen. She said that she was fine.
TL;DR
I fucked up by letting an unknown woman come to my apartment who was on meth. She snorted a white substance in my bedroom. I fingered her and she sucked my dick before leaving.
KuhLealKhaos: Yeah, a lot of tweakers are essentially time blind. They can't manage their fuckin time properly so shit that takes a sober person an hour or so, ends up taking them like 5 hours.
It's the most frustrating shit in the world...
EfficientHospital130: Yeah I thought she had ditched on meeting me. So I went about my business and then she comes driving up. Before she left she asked me where the nearest laundromat was. She wanted to wash her clothes. Her truck was literally filled with most of her possessions. I told her it was down the street. So she left.
KuhLealKhaos: She might not even realize it's been a while since she's washed *herself* but I'm sure she can't smell much, since she seemed to prefer snorting it. That shit is rough on your entire nasal passage... the high can increase sweating too which surely didn't help lol
EfficientHospital130: I didn't even know you could snort meth. But she did a line of it. I always thought it was injected or smoked.
random-outcomes: You can even eat it! Or drink unmetabolised meth in pee!
JayPanana225: Why would you put this piece of information in my head?
xRIPtheREVx137: An even better image is prison inmates buying cigarettes with meth scabs. The person getting the scab will eat it because there's still enough meth in to to get them kinda high.
argotheblue: Source?
xRIPtheREVx137: Hold on, let me find the national geographic editorial I found on the subject of meth heads in prison. Wtf do you mean source?
argotheblue: I could not find anything anywhere about people trading old scabs of meth heads for cigarettes to obtain a high while in prison... Wasn't insinuating that what you said was false, just curious where you got the info so I could see for myself.
xRIPtheREVx137: A lot of people I've known that have been in prison have corroborated the claim. I dont know if it's just in prisons local to me or more wide spread, I just know it happens.
| 12 | 7.333333 | |
1656391030 | 1656453254 | t3_vmejz9 | t5_2to41 | 45 | DiscardedSandwiches: TIFU by pretending to be computer smart
Today, yes today. I decided to be a good aunt and teach one of my nephews about computers. Not programming but building. So I needed an old computer tower to take apart. Genius idea I will put a shout out on my Facebook. Great people will help. Suddenly I get a response from one of my sister in laws. Long story short it wasn't her kid I was talking about but I ended up with two towers so I thought what the hell why not.
Here's why not. Because I know NOTHING about the outside of a computer beyond where to plug the cables in. My intention was to just google and wing it but now I feel with two young minds against me (they be 11M, i be 32F) I am pretty much screwed. I pretended to know what I was on about. I could of fooled one kid but both? At once? Nope. These two are borderline dangerous together.
TL:DR I told Facebook I was doing an activity with my nephew. Mother of different nephew saw. Now I have committed to teaching two kids a subject which I myself know NOTHING about.
1feralengineer: Teach them how to be google smart. Guide them in searching the right questions and they will not only learn how to Google, they have a computer when they are done
DiscardedSandwiches: My worry is that I won't be able to visually identify anything and I am quite the googler but am not 100% on if I will be able to get my head around the terminology and such
AWanderingMage: Watch some videos from Linus tech tips. They are a great source for learning tech stuff.
DiscardedSandwiches: Thank you thank you thank you (I could continue but will use the internet courtesy and stop)
AWanderingMage: That and if you have any other questions you can't quite find an answer to feel free to ask. I've built several pc now and I'm a programmer as well, so I'm fairly familiar with most pc things or at least could help point you to a better resource if I can't explain it. But enjoy showing the ropes to a new generation. You don't need to know everything off the bat, but learning it with them can be just as fun.
DiscardedSandwiches: I am a tad worried about breaking something harmful.. is there anything I should be weary about or anything that could cause injury if handled wrong?
AWanderingMage: The biggest thing probably would be static shock if you are installing components. The way you would address that is whenever you go to do anything with a component, touch the metal of the case prior to grabbing the component to discharge any static you have. You could also wear an anti static grounding strap to have a similar effect, just make sure the alligator clip is attached to the case or another grounding point.
Beyond that, everything else is plug and play to where its usually designed to go in only one way. When you go to instal something like RAM or a graphics card, be firm with your pressure you apply on cards and plugs, but never force anything that isn't sliding in, or doesn't seam to be seating easily.
Also just treat everything with care in general. CPU pins are probably the thing to be the most delicate around until you have it in its socket, but other than that most other components are fairly tough enough that if you bump them they'll be fine.
Also if you have a Microcenter near you, they can help you build your machine as well. great store. Very knowledgeable staff and a good resource if nearby.
DiscardedSandwiches: Thank you. My fuck up has escalated to three nephews now, and I will be reading them your comment to start. Thank you such simple advice.
Yea the whole getting zapped by something that is still holding charge was my concern. I am not sure what a microcenter is, from rural Aus lol the internet is pretty much all I got here but I am feeling pretty confident about it now
| 9 | 5 | |
1656391487 | 1656493655 | t3_vmeojb | t5_2to41 | 39 | gothsappho: TIFU by drinking a kirkland signature brand gatorade after sex
technically happened a year ago. also technically a mutual fuck up.
on my second date with my now girlfriend, i went over to her house, presumably with the intention of getting it on. so we ordered burgers from a local burger place and watched a movie together. we actually ended up watching the entire movie before we started getting hot and heavy.
we were downstairs on her couch for a minute, and things were getting hot. i was super into it, so when she asked me to go upstairs i was like, um obviously. but before we went up, she went into her fridge and grabbed a kirkland signature brand red gatorade for me and one for herself (the generic costco brand, for those who aren't familiar) (also, i am incredibly charmed by this move).
this was almost exactly a year ago, meaning it was june. and we live in the southern US, so it was ***hot***\*.\* the temperature downstairs was perfectly fine, but upstairs was warm. she had the AC going, but it hadn't cooled down nearly to the level downstairs was at. we start getting into it and, naturally, we both get even hotter (in both senses of the world).
things are escalating, clothes are coming off. but then she stops and tells me she has to pause. she sits on the edge of the bed breathing hard and i ask if she's okay. she tells me "i have a tiny heart problem." i start panicking that i've accidentally killed her, but she says it's fine, she just needs a minute. she goes over to the sink and tries to drink a sip of water. this was her fuckup, because immediately she starts throwing up in the sink (the toilet was like 5 feet away).
at first i'm unsure what to do but i get up, half undressed, and just sort of rub her back while she throws up. eventually she calms down and we lay down next to each other. honestly at this point, i'm still horny and everything up until 5 minutes ago was really hot. so i'm like ....
we get it back on, this time at a slightly more manageable face. we do the thing and i'm satisfied. but then i start to feel a little off. i reach over to her nightstand and grab the kirkland signature brand red gatorade and take a sip. this was my fuckup.
immediately, i know where this is going. i also know there's a sink full of vomit between myself and the toilet in her room. she's told me where her other bathroom is (on account of the sink full of vomit) so i rush in and shut the door. at which point i start throwing up. i realize as i sit on the floor of my date's bathroom that eating burgers and fries then trying to have sex in a hot room is a terrible idea. and drinking kirkland signature brand red gatorade after eating burgers and fries and having sex in a hot room is a *really terrible idea.* besides\*,\* everyone knows red is the worst flavor of gatorade.
anyway, i finish doing my business and come out to find her sitting on the couch with a glass of water waiting for me. we talk for a while after, and i go home at like 2 in the morning. and while you might think that neither one of us would have wanted to see the other's face again, i think the mutual fuckup equalized the embarrassment. somehow, this fuckup ended up being a wonderfully solid foundation to form a relationship on, and we've now been together a year.
tl;dr: now gf and i eat a heavy meal then start having sex in a hot room. she throws up in the sink. we continue having sex, after which i take a sip of kirkland signature brand red gatorade to cool off and i throw up in her other toilet.
RedSoxNationMT: I believe all of it except the part about there being a girl.
gothsappho: that's because there were two girls (we're lesbians)
robotnique: Username checks out.
gothsappho: i live to be a lesbian stereotype
robotnique: Presumably you are all of your ex's "big tiddy goff ex"
Stand and be counted.
gothsappho: i—i cannot believe you just read me this hard through reddit
| 7 | 5.571429 | |
1656396213 | 1656407788 | t3_vmfzgt | t5_2to41 | 94 | [deleted]: TIFU by making friends with internet strangers
[deleted]
Potatotornado20: Ghost him for 3 weeks to make him miss you. Then he’ll realize he never wants to lose you again, and he’ll bring up wanting to meet irl
Preciriep: Is op looking for a relationship or a friend. If he/she does that. Either he/she will lose their friendship or
It will be the start of their relationship.
Dumbdumbnumba1: The intention was for just a friend, but here’s my dumbass catching feelings and no flights
Preciriep: He already specified he just wants a friend. Hard to trust internet friends nowadays. I understand why he wouldn't want to meet up. Imagine a person from a different country, desperately wanting to meet up with you, You would immediately think it's a pedophile or some shit.
Dumbdumbnumba1: Well we both intentionally wanted a friend, we’ve been friends for about a year now.. the topic of meetings been brought up before, in which he actually initiated it.. but then after I agreed, it was like a switch was turned and all of a sudden, he just avoided the topic whenever it was brought up
Preciriep: Prob thought you wouldn't agree. It's like a girl saying we should go on a date. But a whole different situation
Dumbdumbnumba1: I’m curious as to what you mean by that, but I’m afraid to be lol. I personally would never ask to go on a date without the actual intention of it being a date. People fucking suck, I’m sorry if that type of okey doke has been pulled on you
Preciriep: Simplified term, A sarcastic comment. But that term really doesn't explain all of it
Dumbdumbnumba1: Also, just to clarify, I still just want a friend. Def not looking to get caught up in a relationship, especially a long distance one. I’m in that phase of trying to figure myself out again, no time for that right now. Doesn’t change the fact that I like like this guy tho which is the main fuck up.
Preciriep: Like him as a friend or the other one
Dumbdumbnumba1: Like it’d be nice to have him as a friend and also get laid for the weekend, stress relief ya know, and then going home hahaha. A girl can dream
Preciriep: So basically a boyrfriend
Dumbdumbnumba1: Basically, but, being the realist that I am, there’s no such thing, especially from an internet friend. All the fuck ups here.
Preciriep: I see an idealist not a realist
Dumbdumbnumba1: Wouldn’t an idealist be someone aiming for something that isn’t really achievable? While a realist sees things as they actually are? Such as, I’m fucking up by having feelings for this friend, because nothings ever coming of it, so I’m gonna vent about it for a minute and then move on with my life because I’m purely just wasting time and energy on absolutely nothing
Preciriep: Stay as INTERNET FRIENDS, You may have that feeling cause you can share your feelings without anyone judging you. After all he's just a stranger, He doesn't know who you are. I just see codependency if im being honest
Dumbdumbnumba1: Valid. But that’s why I’m here, to vent and admit to my fuck up, because I knew better. But hey, I appreciate your responses :)
Preciriep: Forget all I said, I'm 13, no experience regarding all those things. So up to you. How you handle it yourself:)
Dumbdumbnumba1: Haha. See. Fucking internet.
Preciriep: XD your fault for taking me too seriously
Dumbdumbnumba1: Who says I was taking you seriously tho? Lol. See… internet, you’ll never know
Preciriep: Ok, fr don't lie, did you think I was at what age.
Dumbdumbnumba1: I don’t know honestly lol. It’s fucking Reddit dude, you can never tell.
Preciriep: Age range? That will do:)
Dumbdumbnumba1: Def teenager LOL
Preciriep: I guess that's a plus considering im 13 so def 15-18:)
Dumbdumbnumba1: Lol good job young one.
Preciriep: Wait, Are u not a teen?
Dumbdumbnumba1: I am but you’re still younger
Preciriep: Ok i guess the old hag one was kinda offensive
Dumbdumbnumba1: Idc, honestly. It is what it is
Preciriep: Was the story real?
Dumbdumbnumba1: My tifu. It surely is. Unfortunately
Preciriep: Oh shit sorry for wasting your time really sorry I didn't take your post too seriously. And gave half assed advice(Well I don't have experience). I thought it was a great way to past time, cause my pc was at our house. Once again im sorry for wasting your time.I hope it all works out in the end peace.
| 35 | 2.685714 | |
1656397230 | 1656398679 | t3_vmg98p | t5_2to41 | 28 | Michelangelor: TIFU by doing coke before a first date
Honorary “this was actually two days ago”, but that pretty much sums it up
I’m actually literally such a chill ass dude most the time lol I don’t even like talking that much, and I literally NEVER do coke 🙃
But I was feeling a little anxious before this date and I wanted to feel fun and cool and hyped (why? Idk, I don’t even like people who act like that), so I did a pretty fuckin decent line before going into the bar, and felt WAY WAY WAY BETTER LMAO
So good, in fact, that for almost an hour and half straight I barely stfu even once. I had so much to say, and you better know I said it. I told legit every story I’ve ever had, i vocalized every single thought that occurred to me,I asked her questions and interrupted like 5 seconds into her answer with my one million and five thoughts about what she’d said so far. I was a fucking unstoppable bonafide runaway train wreck of insane conversation lmfao
To make matters worse, I fully intended to pay, but I stressed this poor girl out so bad she paid the whole tab just to end the date and get away from me.
I didn’t even catch on until like 20
minutes later when she messaged me that she didn’t think she wanted to spend any more time with me, and told me exactly why.
I immediately apologized and owned up to having been a super fucking lame, clueless asshat. I told her I felt super bad she had to pay the tab to get away from me, and asked her to send me her cashapp so I could at least pay for what ordered, but she didn’t respond.
We probably wouldn’t have vibed that much anyway, but she was super nice, and i definitely would have enjoyed having a new friend.
But anyway, folks, that’s all, just don’t be me. Don’t do coke for your first date, no matter how much better you think you’ll feel. It doesn’t matter, bc the other person prolly is just not gonna be on that level with you, and if they are, then that’s honestly a giant red flag lmfaoo
For the record, I learned my lesson and I feel super bad I ruined this girls night and I’m never doing that ever again.
TL DR: I should have just showed up to a date as the real me, but I let my anxiety tell me I’d be way better off all coked out, and ruined one of the few times a year I even remotely have the energy to go on a first date, and gave this poor girl just one more reason to stop dating men
unsatisfeels: "literally never does coke" *has coke* 🙄
Michelangelor: Lol I know how that sounds, but I do keep a stash of drugs for whenever i do wanna go to a rave or something. I rave maybe once or twice a year
unsatisfeels: Fair enough! Just razzin yuh brah 😜
Michelangelor: Haha I deserve it
| 5 | 5.6 | |
1656398525 | 1656460721 | t3_vmglhy | t5_2to41 | 5,452 | Gavin_Freedom: TIFU by saying how kinky I am during a job interview
This literally happened about 6 hours ago.
I've been searching for a new job for a while now. I'm very picky about the jobs I apply for, and so was excited to have my application accepted.
To set the scene, I'm 5'11" and do bodybuilding. I suffer from anxiety and get especially nervous during meetings. Usually I cover it up with humour, but often my face gets very flushed.
I was escorted into a small room where the 2 women who were going to be interviewing me were sat. We got off to a good start, and I was breezing through the interview and cracking occasional jokes with the interviewers. About 10-15 minutes into the interview, they asked me the typical question "what traits do you value about yourself?". My typical response to this question is that I'm proud of how disciplined I am, and consider it one of the most important traits a person can have. It's a generic response, but usually seems to be satisfactory. Anyway, this is how the exchange went:
Interviewer: "What do you consider your most important and valuable trait?".
Me: "I consider myself to be a very disciplined person, and believe it's my most valuable trait". After a short pause, and them staring at me blankly, I added (while also smiling at them slightly) "I love being disciplined".
As soon as the words left my mouth, my anxiety peaked and I got the most flustered I've ever been. I went bright red, and after a few seconds of silence, I added "not in that way though" and nervously laughed. Blank stares. I could feel the heat shooting into my ears, and exhaled sharply, got serious, and continued on as if nothing happened.
The rest of the interview went well (I think) but holy shit, it's the funniest, crinigest and most embarrassing thing that I think has ever happened to me.
I don't think I'll get the job.
TL;DR
Said to the people interviewing me that I enjoy being disciplined. Instead of moving on, I got flustered, panicked, and ended up being the only one who found it funny.
HappyGoLuckyBoy: "I enjoy being disciplined..."
"Alrighty then... tell us a little about your personal life, are you married?"
"Yes, I've been married for 5 years now. I like being tied down."
"This interview is over."
jtlcr777: I know this is a joke, but it's probably illegal for an interviewer to ask if you're married.
BatmansNygma: Relationship status isn't a protected class
11Two3: If they are asking your marital status there is a very real possibility they could b trying to determine if you are gay or not so that they can discriminate.
There literally is no reason that could be good for them to know this either aside from curiosity or small talk, but you can always talk about something else if that is the point.
jtlcr777: Yep, or if you have kids/might have kids in the future. Then they don't have to consider maternity/paternity leave. Or they can make you stay longer hours because you don't have a family to go back to.
jaydoes: I've had jobs assign me to literally every holiday. When I asked why, they said because you don't have kids. I actually thought it was a valid reason. Never occurred to me that might be discrimination. Bit to be fair, if someone with small kids had asked me to switch days I would have so they could be with their kids.
jtlcr777: As long as they compensate you for it and take no for an answer (i.e. they don't force you or guilt you) I think it's fine. It's when they use that fact that you don't have kids against you is when it's a problem.
jaydoes: That's how I always thought of it. Sometimes your kids are the most important thing.
robotnique: You're just a decent person. Which is great, so long as people don't take advantage of you.
jaydoes: Right. Which did take me full adulthood to understand.
| 11 | 495.636364 | |
1656399207 | 1656403139 | t3_vmgrvb | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: Tifu by using my work computer for a personal matter
[deleted]
GeneralChillMen: There’s something weird going on here. There was a near identical post made a day or two ago. In it a college professor “accidentally” emailed a near identical gif of an Asian woman dancing suggestively to his students instead of a friend. In that thread he was asking whether he should apologize or play it off as a joke
symedia: And another one with a 60 year old 🤣
At least he has good taste with the gifs
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1656400913 | 1656404695 | t3_vmh7tb | t5_2to41 | 16 | Pitachippa: TIFU by telling my girlfriend she caused seismic activity
Kinda short, but I thought it was funny.
So my girlfriend and I share a very small, cheap matress that neither of us are quite happy with, but it's what we have to put up with due to space restrictions. We barely fit shoulder to shoulder on it so we usually end up sleeping on our sides.
Anyway, we can pretty much feel it whenever the other person moves at all, and I haven't been sleeping well recently. Last night, I awoke to my girlfriend shifting and moving a little before getting out of bed and she noticed that she had accidentally woken me up:
Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I'm surprised you were that easy to get up."
Me: "It's okay, it's just your seismic activity startled me."
Now, my thought process when I said this was like trying to describe a sense. You know, like auditory, feeling, taste, etc. I was trying to describe the feeling of the ground beneath me moving, not that she was shifting tectonic plates.
So now I'm trying my best to live it down, she's laughing so hard at me...
TL;DR I told my girlfriend she caused an earthquake and woke me up
XiQ: Wait, she is laughing at you? I was expecting the opposite reaction.
TheLazyHippy: Same, I was coming into this thinking maybe she farted in bed and he cracked a joke and was gonna be in the doghouse because of it. Not what I expected at all
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1656391210 | 1656424397 | t3_vmels0 | t5_2to41 | 4 | loonygirl30: TIFU by taking medication and now my face is swollen
I was given a new medication back in April and it worked fine. I changed my pharmacy last week, and got my new prescription from Walgreens instead of Walmart. On Saturday my first sign that I’m probably allergic started. My face was swollen, my forehead was head, and I had trouble swallowing. My husband pointed out it could be my medicine. I said no I went out in the sun with no sunscreen. I was only out for a couple of minutes but we both decided, yep that’s how hot Texas is.
Sunday I have a fever. I cannot swallow anything, I can’t even drink water. My husband asks me again about the medication. I mean Walmart and Walgreens are the same parent company right, so they should be the same. I couldn’t even eat last night but I take my medication. This morning another bout of high fever, still can’t eat, my face is visibly swollen. My husband is freaked out. We need to rush to a doctor, he says, you are exaggerating, I say, I take a nap. I wake up and I can’t stop scratching.
My entire body is red, my face is twice it’s size now. I call the pharmacy, they say I’m probably allergic to an ingredient but they can’t say which. Very comforting. My husband goes to the Walgreens, they are sold out of all their allergy medication. The Walgreens had 1 star from 100 reviews, I should have followed those instead of just hoping it would be good.
So I could have listened to my husband on Saturday, stop the medication instead of being a smart ass, instead of lying away trying not to scratch my hair, face and neck away.
TL;DR: kept taking a medication i didn’t realize I was allergic too, blamed it on the Texas heat, now my face is swollen.
macaronithecat: Is it the same brand? Or did it look different? I'd say highly unlikely but if it's a different brand there may be an excipient other than the active drug that you're allergic to. Either way go see a doctor cuz it's probably not the med. There's a million things you could have encountered causing an allergic reaction, if thats even the case.
loonygirl30: It’s a different manufacturer. It’s the medicine for sure. I skipped a dose last night? And my hives on my body are down.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1656397512 | 1656443567 | t3_vmgbx4 | t5_2to41 | 638 | x_aids_x: TIFU by spraying perfume on my balls.
So for some background here I have a spray that helps dry my balls and it looks like a perfume bottle its kind of like a spray on baby powder.
After I came home from work I took a shower like always after getting out I used what I thought was the spray. only after I sprayed a good amount did I feel it. I realized then and there what was about to happen, I Tried to get back in the shower to wash it off but it was too late. my balls felt as if I had just dipped them into boiling water. As I looked for anything to ease my suffering I ran to my freezer to grab ice cubes I fumbled with the tray to put the ice in a container. i got the ice in a container and teabaged the ice to try to cool off my balls. i looked to my right to see my mother who had just watched me pour ice into a container and crouch over it. she had a look of disappointment on her face.
TL;DR I put perfume instead of spray on babypowder on my balls and my mother had to witness it.
Plenty_Juggernaut993: Bro that's nothing. I rubbed fucking undiluted antiseptic liquid on my balls..... 0/10 would not recommend
x_aids_x: ah why
Plenty_Juggernaut993: Regular maintenance, cutting hair down there. Accidently cut myself. So I thought, since I can't put a band aid there, why not use some antiseptic liquid. So, I did. Long thing short, I fucked up big time. it actually burnt my skin. Skin was peeling off, so that new skin can grow. You can't wear tight clothes, no underware. Pain every time balls touch some surface. Penguin walk for a whole week.
TheFreeBee: Do you know why it had that reaction ? Is skin thinner down there ?
Plenty_Juggernaut993: Sensitive skin is my theory.
| 6 | 106.333333 | |
1656408527 | 1656459305 | t3_vmj2s8 | t5_2to41 | 22 | cdhmedia: tifu by eating raw chicken
Literally happened 5 mintues ago. I had bought this pack of bbq chicken drumsticks from lidl and I don't know why but I assumed it was already cooked. Opened the pack and took one, tried biting but it was unusually tuff. Okay, maybe it's just because it's cold, so I tried again on a different part. Same thing. I eventually managed to get a chunk out of it when I realised it was fucking raw, uncooked chicken. I didn't even fully seperate the peice from the chicken and just chucked it in the bin. Pretty much washed my mouth out but got a bit swallowed a bit of the bbq sauce that was on it. I guess i asumed that it was similar to the tesco one where its already cooked and you can just snack on it. I'm not sure if I'm gonna catch salmonella or anything and I'll probably be fine but the taste is still just lingering in my mouth.
Why am I like this.
TL:DR I didn't use my brain and thought uncooked chicken was a ready cooked snack.
Edit: I have survived 12 hours without issue so I guess I'm gonna be OK.
zedsdead79: How on earth do you not know what raw chicken looks/feels/smells like?
cdhmedia: Oh i absolutely know what its like, my brain just went on autopilot for some reason.
| 3 | 7.333333 | |
1656415168 | 1656429296 | t3_vmku71 | t5_2to41 | 87 | RastaBambi: TIFU by asking my girlfriend to buy me lunch
(M35) Yesterday I left the city that I lived in for 12 years to move in with my girlfriend. I've known her for a little over 2 years and after 1.5 years of being together we finally moved into the same apartment yesterday.
The buildup and anticipation was quite intense for me emotionally, saying goodbye to my old place, leaving behind some friends and basically going from a familiar environment into the unknown. Be that as it may, I'm glad I get to live with my gf because she's absolutely wonderful and I really love her plus I have really close friends nearby which softened the blow of moving considerably...
Yesterday I moved all my stuff and it was absolutely exhausting. My buddies helped me load and unload my stuff and we managed to haul all of my belongings to the new place in one go. Of course, while loading and unloading, I felt obliged to lead by example, power through and help where I can, so I might have pushed myself too far with lifting and carrying. My friends were really great support, but I'd say I did the bulk of the lifting because after all it's my stuff...
Today the rat race continues: picking up furniture deliveries, doing chores on our respective old places etc.
I wake up and feel pretty good, but still drained. Obviously just in need of recovery from the taxing events from the day before, but also grateful for the new place and generally stoked that the moving part went rather smoothly, with some collateral damage here and there, which is to be expected.
So this morning I'm sitting in our new living room, trying to gather the energy to get on the train and make the trip to my old place where I have to do a bunch of chores before handing in my keys there tomorrow. I decided to call my GF to ask her how her morning was going (she wasn't at the new appartement yet) and to inform her that I had made sure the furniture had been delivered and was safe and sound in our new place.
Today is the deadline for her to hand in her keys to her old apartment and she also has to do a few chores there before the final inspection can take place. Needless to say she's also exhausted but has to power through today.
So as we're talking about the last part of our separate journeys and discussing the plan for our day I suggest we have lunch together and she rattles of a whole list of things she still has to do and that she has to make a few trips back and forth between the old apartment and the new and asks if I can help, so I (kinda jokingly) say that I'd help if she bought me lunch, which she didn't like at all.
I later tried to walk back my comment by saying that I just felt like she could have helped me out by taking the "logistics" part of getting food out of the way for me so I wouldn't have to worry about that and could help her, because I still had a whole days worth of cleaning and traveling to do myself.
And although part of that is true, I still have a lot of stuff to do myself and didn't really think it's practical to neglect my responsibilities in order to help her, I feel like I really gave her the feeling of being some sort of stranger when I asked her to buy me lunch.
After we got off the phone this morning she came by the new place and looked visibly angry and said she was quite frustrated with me and I apologized, but I feel a little disappointed in myself for being so focused and obsessed with money or maybe it's that I want to feel she appreciates me and I'm low-key asking her to show her appreciation for me by buying me lunch? In any case we landed on me going to do my own chores and she would do hers, but we haven't spoken since then and I feel a little anxious that this is off to a rough start :(
Over the last few weeks, as tensions were rising and sentiments between me and my gf were kinda tense around the whole moving thing, preparations and trying to organize everything, but also the stress of processing everything emotionally and how we felt about leaving our old lives behind, we would have the occasional squabble.
I feel that a lot of the criticism came from my side, as she is mostly not as emotionally expressive as I am and she is also more easy going. Whenever I discuss an issue she's quite open and reasonable and also quick to reflect on her own behavior, but today I feel i went a little too far...i guess we have to talk about our expectations when it comes to these kinds of things now :)
TLDR: Today my girlfriend asked me to help her out and I said "only if you buy me lunch first". She's pissed about the transactional nature of my response.
sngle1now2020: That's a pretty sensitive girlfriend, although i am sensitive to not conditionalizing things. You were both really expressing two needs at once, which shouldn't be a problem.
Maybe your girlfriend is related to mine. My gf functions very poorly when she's fatigued. She needs sleep more than most, and that's just kinda how it is. At the least, you guys really need to talk through what this conditionalization meant to her, and why. Those conversations are what really define the relationship.
RastaBambi: Yeah, plus I'm also not the most pleasant person when I'm under pressure, so I feel like I've been badgering her for no reason and all those things add up over time so today it kinda exploded
sngle1now2020: Well, that's a chance to talk about how to do stuff so it doesn't explode next time, eh?
| 4 | 21.75 | |
1656415762 | 1656472750 | t3_vml0aj | t5_2to41 | 7 | MaximumApeman: TIFU by riding my bike to Fred Meyer
This happened like 1-2 months ago but, I 13M was asked by my mom to go to the local Fred Meyer to get a few things she messed up her foot. I had no problem with this because I like riding my bike. plus I get to grab a snack or something. Anyways I get there grab the stuff and start riding home. I had brought a backpack and put the stuff in there. I had a soda in one of the side pockets. so I was riding home and I was just cruising on the street barely gripping my handlebars cuz I was just cruising. I ended up hitting a pothole and went flying over my handlebars hitting my face. The soda in my side pocket flew like 15ft away and was still sliding when I got up. I got up looked at my hands and they were a bit scraped up but I was fine. Then I felt something warm on my chin and my hand. Ima say right now I'm not a very tough kid and even knee scrapes hurt a bunch. Anyways I grabbed my phone and it turns out when I landed I hit my chin and scraped my nose. my chin had a hole in it and was bleeding a lot. I ended up calling my mom in tears cuz as soon as I saw the thing it hurt like hell. She took me to get stitches and now I have a pretty nice scar. TL;DR I went to Fred Meyer on my bike and was riding home when I crashed and got a big hole in my chin. I got stitches
robotnique: Did you have your helmet on?
The last time I rode without a helmet was in college when I had just got a new bike. Unfortunately I stayed out too late and was riding homeward from campus in the dark and didn't see the knee high pile of black ice in front of me.
My dumbass wasn't wearing a helmet but I luckily was in the air long enough that I had time to realize I needed to tuck and roll so as to not break my head. I stopped a good fifteen feet from where I crashed and thought I was fine until I tried to stand up and my backpack pulled on my shoulder.
I had spared my head at the price of snapping my clavicle in half. Not a bad trade but I decided helmets are way cool after that.
MaximumApeman: Yeah I wear helmets now 😂
robotnique: Awesome. You're smarter than me already!
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1656424607 | 1656511271 | t3_vmnvji | t5_2to41 | 45,933 | WowCoolFunnyHAHA: TIFU by getting water at a restaurant in Germany as an American.
I am in Germany with 20 other extended family (cousins, uncles/aunts, nephews/nieces, etc) and we got a reservation at a small restaurant in a little German town about 20km from Berlin. We told the server we were going to get one big bill and just split it among the families after we pay. The waiter came around and asked us what we were going to drink and everyone got waters except my dad, and my cousin. We ordered and just enjoyed our food. Almost everyone refilled their waters once or twice. Everyone was completely oblivious to the fact that water was 5 euros a cup. We got the bill and it seemed really high but we just paid and left. We looked at the receipt after we all left and it turned out we paid 100 euros in water.. Everyone thought it was free so we had just kept getting water. An absolute FU. Walking away from that restaurant feeling very unsatisfied. Don’t go, would not recommend.
TL;DR: Went to restaurant in Germany and accidentally paid 100 Euros in water because the dumb “Amerikaner” thought it was free..
edit 1:
It wasn’t listed on the menu people make that assumption still a FU on my part but still
edit 2:
it was tap water not bottled i also should have clarified that
castiglione_99: I think every restaurant I went to in Germany charged for water. It's always bottled water, either still water, or sparkling water.
Manadrache: You have to ask for tap water if you want free one.
Edit: Could you please stop downvoting u/NEARNIL that replied to my comment? He is actually right! There is no law in Germany to get it for free. This is good will of the owner. FFS I was never so sorry someone get downvoted for saying the truth.
Edit 2: Thanks guys. Seeing him getting upvoted and getting the credit for telling how the laws actually are just made my day. I'll go to sleep with a smile now
NEARNIL: Tap water doesn’t have to be free. The glass still needs to be filled, served and cleaned. You can only expect it to be cheaper than bottled water.
Edit because i am getting tired of addressing the same comments over and over:
1. "But a glass of tap water must be free in $my_country by law." – Ive seen this claim for Netherlands and the UK. Both turned out to be false. The [BBC writes](https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-39881236) for instance: "However, these premises can charge people for the use of a glass - or their service - when serving the "free" tap water." So water = free, service = not.
2. OP likely actually had **BOTTLED WATER**. He says they ordered "water". **In Germany, you’re always getting BOTTLED WATER** by just saying "water".
3. OP also said that 19 people ordered 2-3 "cups" of "water" each. **That would be 48 "cups" in total.** Say a "cup" of bottled water costs 2.10 €, that would amount to 100.80 €. Pretty close to the 100 € he paid. **So they were not ripped of.**
4. "Serving a glass only takes seconds and should therefore be free." – I disagree, someone needs to walk to your table, take your order, walk back to the kitchen, get a glass, fill it, bring it back to the right person out of dozens of guests, clear the table and clean the glass afterward. And all that multiple times for 18 people. With a room full of guests, that is constant work and has to be paid somehow.
5. "They just fill your glass with a pitcher." – No, that is not common practice here in Germany. Don’t expect American (or whatever) customs when you visit another country.
6. "Germany should just give every table a pitcher." – It’s not usually done automatically here, but you can order it sometimes. OP however ordered some 48 individual drinks instead.
7. If you specifically order "tap water" (which op didn’t), you’re likely to get "free" water in Germany as well. But, they may sometimes take a small service charge still and it’s good to ask. Op just bought "water" which means bottled water in Germany and had to pay accordingly.
**Hopefully final edit**: People still don’t seem to understand the cultural differences leading to this misunderstanding. I had to spell it out way to often so i copy one comment here:
* In the US people generally drink tap water at restaurants so asking for "a glass of water" will get you a free glass of tap water. This was OPs expectation.
* In Germany many people like sparkling water and that comes in bottles. Ordering "a glass of water" in Germany will get you bottled water served in a glass for something like 2.10 €. And that is what he got. He did not see the bottle and only assumes that he got tap water. But restaurants rarely serve tap water and only up on specific request. Upon ordering "a glass of water" you’re generally asked if you want it "sprudelnd oder still". Chances are he choose "still" thinking that would be tap water but it’s still bottled water.
Now lets look at what he wrote:
>The waiter came around and asked us what we were going to drink and **everyone got waters** except my dad, and my cousin. We ordered and just enjoyed our food. Almost **everyone refilled their waters** once or twice. Everyone was completely oblivious to the fact that water was 5 euros a cup. We got the bill and it seemed really high but we just paid and left. We looked at the receipt after we all left and it turned out we paid 100 euros in water.. **Everyone thought it was free** so we had just kept getting water.
So everyone "got waters", "everyone refilled" and "Everyone thought it was free". Getting refills of free tap water is an American thing and everything here tells me he just expected it to work exactly like in America.
In reality they got 48 × 0.5 Liter glasses of bottled water at 2.10 € each amounting to 100.80 €. Completely normal here.
On a side note, you can get everything you want in Germany and not just bottled water in a glass. You can get a bottle to your table, a pitcher of tap water, bottled water in a pitcher and every combination imaginable. You just have to order it specifically. But if you’re using standard language, you get the cultural standard.
I got hundreds confused comments. I would have never expected that Americans could have such a hard time understanding such simple cultural differences like water at restaurants. If this is still to much for you, don’t leave America, ever.
nhytd: What a pathetic reason to charge someone for a glass of tap water lol. Cheap ass Germans.
NEARNIL: How am i a cheap ass if i have no problem paying for a service?
You’re an entitled American.
nhytd: I'm not American lol
NEARNIL: I see you made a new account just for this comment. So you’re even more pathetic.
nhytd: You're not that important kraut 😂
NEARNIL: You went trough the hassle just to insult me, i feel in fact very important my little burgerface.
nhytd: I'm not American. And burgers are German 😂😂😂 Hamburg? Are you a child or something?
NEARNIL: Even a child can see that you made a new account just to insult me and that you are a little burgerface.
nhytd: Little baby nazi boy getting angry? Sorry you can't invade poland this time my little sauerkraut
NEARNIL: Seething Pole makes a new account to call me a nazi for discussing water. How unexpected.
nhytd: Haha I ain't no eastern European gross. You're relly bad at guessing.
NEARNIL: You’re racist, that much is clear.
nhytd: > little burgerface.
😂
NEARNIL: You don’t like burgers?
nhytd: Everyone likes burgers.
NEARNIL: See, little burgerface.
nhytd: Fine I'm a burgerface lol. I am not a grandchild of a nazi tho
NEARNIL: Everyone burgerface doesn’t like is a nazi.
nhytd: Haha silly burgerface kraut is getting angry again, don't invade poland!
NEARNIL: Don’t worry donutman.
nhytd: Not American you absolute cretin lol. Dirty little nazi boy is too dumb to figure it out lol
NEARNIL: Yes you are little cheesecakebelly.
nhytd: > Not American you absolute cretin lol. Dirty little nazi boy is too dumb to figure it out lol
NEARNIL: Yeah i know little marshmallow.
nhytd: > Not American you absolute cretin lol. Dirty little nazi boy is too dumb to figure it out lol
NEARNIL: I’s nice i have this litte butterface just for me.
nhytd: > Not American you absolute cretin lol. Dirty little nazi boy is too dumb to figure it out lol
NEARNIL: But then you look like it?
nhytd: > Not American you absolute cretin lol. Dirty little nazi boy is too dumb to figure it out lol
| 33 | 1,391.909091 | |
1656424600 | 1656440455 | t3_vmnvg9 | t5_2to41 | 6 | WowCoolFunnyHAHA: TIFU by getting water at a restaurant in Germany as an American.
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chaz0723: Did the dumb Amerikaner not realize they weren't drinking tap water, too?
WowCoolFunnyHAHA: we were drinking tap water
ic0nz1: If you ask for tap water specifically its typically free, if you pay for water you usually do not get tap water but a branded one (even if its non-sparkling)
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1656427783 | 1656428516 | t3_vmp1ji | t5_2to41 | 22 | throwaway-snappanic: TIFU by posting a video of me chocking the chicken on my public Snapchat story.
I never thought I would ever be the one posting to this sub, but here we are. Obligatory, this happened last night… but I’m still shook, so I made this throwaway account to hide my shame. TL:DR at the bottom.
So my GF (25) and I (M 26) are your typical consenting adults in a relatively new relationship. This past week has been very busy for both of us and so we didn’t get to see each other, and then on top of that I went on a trip over the entire weekend, didn’t get back till 10:30 at night. SO needless to say it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other and well, we’re both sexually driven people.
So last night rolls around, we are texting and snapchatting like usual and we started taking about how much we can’t wait to see each other and some things we would do to each other .. etc etc. it gets spicy and she suggested that I should “train” for the weekend so that when we see each other again I might not blow my load too quickly.
So, obviously I love this idea and once I got home I quickly decide to start going to town. Now we’ve done this before where one or both of us will start .. monologuing.. and send snapchats of it to each other. (I know, risky as is but whatever, horny brains do things.)
So I send her one update about it, how it’s going how I wish she was there etc. normal stuff.
Now here’s where the fuck up comes in.. the layout of my bathroom doesn’t really work to get a good view of the finale (which we like to send to each other) unless I hold the phone with one hand and go with the other. But at the height of the act, I never want to do that. The two handed method is preferred. Soo.. I sometimes prop up my phone on the corner of the toilet bowl, getting a good view of the action and then go for it. So I did that. It was great, some of my best work if I’m honest.
I finish, it’s awesome, award winning cinematography. Now it’s time to grab the phone, write a sexy caption and send it off .. only I didn’t realize that my hands were still pretty full of lotion…as I grab my phone it slips out of my hand and plummets into the now cummy toilet water… I freak out grab it quickly (thank god newer iPhones are water resistent) but as phones are one to do when covered with water, it miss clicked and posted the Snapchat to my FUCKING PUBLIC STORY.
I started freaking out, I dried my hands and phone as fast as I could, and quickly go to my story and there it is in all its glory a VERY nsfw video with my face in it, clear as day of me slinging yogurt into the toilet… I am mortified. Now I never have had to delete a Snapchat in my life so I didn’t know how to. Eventually I figure out how to and I have to go through each individual 10 second clip. All said and done it was posted for 38s and according to Snapchat it had 0 views. But I was left shaking from fear, butt naked staring at myself in the mirror having just avoided my childhood friends moms and my aunts from seeing that of me. Honestly I’m still shook. Be careful out there y’all.
TL:DR, My lotion covered hands made my phone slip into a cummy toilet and the act of getting the phone out posted a video of me cumming into a toilet to my public Snapchat story. I deleted it quickly, but I’m still mortified.
Cordolium102: Yikes this is why I like discord or Google drive for those kinds of things. Thanks for the laugh.
Guthixian-druid: Lol Google drive?
Cordolium102: Yeah, for longer videos I like to share with my partner.
Guthixian-druid: Ahh fair enough, I've only really used GD for work so that caught me off guard lol
| 5 | 4.4 | |
1656427833 | 1656428208 | t3_vmp27z | t5_2to41 | 12 | trashsexwomen: TIFU by spending so much time trying to please women
[removed]
Trouble_in_Mind: Nah bruh, they just don't like guys like *you*. This whole post is toxic AF and shows that you're probably just as toxic.
Puzzleheaded-Pea-202: yes
| 3 | 4 | |
1656428125 | 1656436774 | t3_vmp65t | t5_2to41 | 3,505 | NanaOnReddit: TIFU by not knowing what “wanker” meant
An obligatory didn’t happen today. This happened 26 years ago, but I didn’t have Reddit to share it on. I’m 81 now, so that should give some context to the generation I’m from.
Growing up, I had a lovely aunt Emma who was often like a mother to me. She was a war bride that my uncle Clarence met overseas, and they were my favourites out of my many extended relatives.
When my parents insisted on my sister’s hand-me-down prom dress, Emma took me shopping and paid for a new dress. My aunt and uncle treated me like their own and spoiled me constantly. They never had children together, but Emma had a son from a pre-marital relationship that was raised as her “brother”.
I met this cousin only once when he visited from England, but I was too young to remember him in any detail. His name was Jack, and my mother insisted I shouldn’t touch him because she thought he smelled bad.
Years later, my uncle passed away and Emma’s health declined quickly. She had left me with power of attorney but requested that her son visit her so she could say goodbye. I reached out to my cousin, and he booked a flight.
When he arrived at the hospital, he was jetlagged and a tad grumpy, but he sat with his mother for several hours. I gave them privacy and only went back to Emma’s room once he’d left.
As soon as she saw me, she laughed and smiled, but said nothing. I asked her what was funny, and she replied:
“Jack’s a little wanker, isn’t he?”
I nodded and smiled but had no idea what she meant by it.
Not long after, Emma passed away.
When Jack came to my house after her funeral (a small and private service), I sat with him, and we reminisced. I was too eager to share what his mother had said about him in private, and I should’ve kept my mouth shut.
I told Jack that his estranged mother called him a wanker.
He got flustered and quickly left the room, and I knew I’d misspoken. I didn’t ask anyone what it meant, and I couldn’t google it back then, so I kept it to myself all these years.
Until last week when my granddaughter called her husband a wanker with an exaggerated accent, and I got the courage to ask what it meant…
Turns out Emma was right; Jack was a wanker.
He came to the hospital to ask if he was included in her will and left when she said no. He also broke into her house and tried to get into her writing desk.
TLDR: I told my cousin that his estranged mother called him a wanker on her deathbed.
\--------------------
Granddaughter’s edit: We’re going to take a break for the day! I’ll send her any further comments she might want to reply to tomorrow. Thanks for making my grandma feel good about sharing her story :) Writing this post together was fun.
RRC_driver: In England it's a fairly mild insult, depending on the tone of voice.
NanaOnReddit: I’m not sure if the generation gap would change that? In my experience, any kind of cursing was incredibly shameful. Not sure how that translated across the pond.
I “swore” once in public as a teenager and the store clerk that overheard me called my parents.
My father was deeply ashamed and embarrassed by my behavior and I didn’t soon forget it.
explosivve: Did you live in like a small town? Where he would have known you/your parents?
Did you have to give over the phone number for him to ring them?
NanaOnReddit: Very small town, and my father was a fellow business owner.
explosivve: Ah-ha yes understandable then, in our small village <100 people, if were were rowdy or swear folks definitely would have been having words with our parents, and I'm only 23
NanaOnReddit: It's funny how some things don't change! Our small town is much bigger now, but my kids and grandkids have a lot of shared experiences. We've collectively lived in the same neighborhood for nearly 100 years if I count my dad's generation. I still live in the house he built.
| 7 | 500.714286 | |
1656430003 | 1656431532 | t3_vmpvpi | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by making a joke to a girl that I liked about how "every week has 7 days".
[deleted]
StranglesMcWhiskey: But what's the joke
prosia0: that every week has 7 days. just a statement so stupid that it'd be classified as a joke ig.
StranglesMcWhiskey: I'm also looking at you in disgust.
This isn't a joke. If you're going to try to use a bad joke as an opening line, it should at least qualify as a joke.
prosia0: \> This isn't a joke. If you're going to try to use a bad joke as an opening line, it should at least qualify as a joke.
not a traditional joke, but still a joke. the statements so stupid it should fall under their i guess
\> If you're going to try to use a bad joke as an opening line, it should at least qualify as a joke
fair enough
ken-d00: Maybe it's the way you said it versus what you said, did you say it with a smile, a chuckle and a little confidence or while looking at her shoes. This can make or break a silly joke/statement and how you are perceived in the moment. I.e. Silly jokester or that weird kid.
| 6 | 1.833333 | |
1656430426 | 1656431431 | t3_vmq1hb | t5_2to41 | 101 | Theflash013: TIFU By accepting a job offer 90 minutes away from all my friends
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hambo_81: Sounds like you have already made the decision to leave your current job. Get looking for something where you want to live. You don't owe the current company anything.
Theflash013: Agreed. I’ve already had the conversation with my S/O about moving in whenever I move back to town, so that’s taken care of. I just feel like I’m hurting the company by leaving after barely a year.
hambo_81: If you didn't need to earn money you wouldn't have worked there. You owe them nothing. You go to work, for you. Not the company. I'm sure they would appreciate you thinking about them but I doubt it would be reciprocated. Look after you.
| 4 | 25.25 | |
1656430520 | 1656431823 | t3_vmq2rm | t5_2to41 | 92 | Theflash013: TIFU By accepting a job offer 90 minutes away from all my friends
Well, it wasn’t today. Today just happens to be a bad day at work and I’m using Reddit as a vice.
Early last summer, I found myself unemployed living with a good friend in the metro as all my other friends. Life was tough, and I’m not one to sit around bored all day. So I was applying for loads of jobs all over the place.
Eventually, I got an interview (and eventually offer) for a job 90 minutes away from all of them. At the time, it felt like my only option was to accept and see where it takes me.
The month I started, I was swiping on Tinder and found who turned out to be the love of my life. Only problem is—she’s back in the town with everyone else I care about.
Long story short: we’ve been dating for s year, I hate my job, I hate this new town 90 minutes from anyone I know, and I’m thinking about quitting.
My social life has never dictated a decision like this before, and I’ve always been eager to explore new places, while I find out what I want to do for a career.
This move was different. This move was a mistake, and now I’m not sure how quickly I can get back that town with all my people.
TL;DR….
I moved 90 min from everyone I care about and I hate it here. Only been a year, but I want out.
Doc_Holliday13: Get motorcycle and enjoy the 3 hours of commuting. Who knows... maybe you'll make new friends
Theflash013: I bought a truck right before I moved, which is brutal now with current gas prices.
| 3 | 30.666667 | |
1656434874 | 1656482442 | t3_vmrqk9 | t5_2to41 | 1,566 | sickpedestrian: TIFU by dropping my purse outside my car which lead to the worst day of my life as of yet
This actually happened yesterday but even if I wanted to type this out yesterday I couldn’t because I went into a full blown mental breakdown. So heres what happened…
Also I apologize for my grammar. I know grammar means a lot on Reddit but after the car crash I’m still pretty out of it.
Yesterday I got up for work which was very hard to do because I spent the day/night before packing all of my belongings into boxes because I’m getting ready to move. My move out date is July 23rd. I was told that if I payed my rent before the 1st of July I’d only have to pay $1,289. However if I waited until the 1st of the month I’d have to pay 1,589. I don’t fully understand how they came up with those numbers but that’s what I was told. I’m currently living off of pennies so the thought of saving a couple extra hundred dollars was fantastic. Anyway I got some breakfast on my way into work and then went inside to start my workday.
My workday was good but halfway through the day I realized I didn’t have my purse. I searched my desk and my car but chalked it up to maybe I forgot it at home. Anyway I get off of work and as I’m driving to the bank to get a cashiers check to pay rent, the thought dawned on me…. I had breakfast this morning, I PAID for breakfast this morning. I realized my purse was stolen. I immediately check my online bank account and make the awful discovery that hundreds of dollars had already been spent at a Walmart, two charges. One charge for over $300 and another charge for over $200. Im fucked. I can’t pay rent. I pull over and start canceling all of my cards. I get in touch with my bank and file a claim. I call the non-emergency number to report my ID as stolen.
Im freaking out. My day has gone to shit. I don’t know how I’m going to pay rent and my brain goes into crisis mode. I finally pull back onto the road when I feel as though I’ve calmed down. I start to drive home and I don’t know what happened to my brain but I blacked out. Next thing I know, I’m about to crash into the car in front of me so I swerve and crash into the car in front of me and the car next to me. I’ve now totaled my car and ruined two other peoples day as well. I had to spend another $400 to get my car towed and now I have to pay daily lot charges with the tow company. Anyway I spent the rest of the day yesterday rolled up into a ball crying. I keep telling myself things couldn’t get worse, right?…anyway yesterday is over. Now I just need to figure out what to do from here. If you took the time to read this post, thank you. I don’t really have many people to talk to about this so I figured why not strangers on the Internet.
So yea. TLDR; TIFU by getting my purse stolen, which lead to them using my bank cards, which lead to me realizing I couldn’t pay my rent, which lead to me having a mental breakdown, which lead to me totaling my car.
Because I’ve had a lot of very kind people message me asking about a go fund me, I decided to set one up. I tried commenting it but the mods deleted it. So it’s now located on my profile. I’d like everyone who has reached out to me with words of support. You guys have no clue how much all of this means to me. I’m completely overwhelmed with the amount of strangers who seem to genuinely care
contyk: Was the breakfast good at least?
sickpedestrian: We have this place called Lota-burger in NM…. It typically takes 35 min to get a breakfast burrito but yesterday morning I got mine within 2-3 minutes which is unbelievably rare at that place. I think that’s where all of my luck for the day went
Fryphax: >Lota-burger in NM
Living on pennies but spending $8 for a burrito.
EmeraldLevinbolt: Gods forbid poor people eat something other than gruel or day-old bread, right??
Fryphax: Eating out is a poor use of your resources when you are on a budget. I made 4 pounds of pulled pork for $13 today. Enough to feed someone for days. Add some tortillas and a thing of eggs and you have breakfast burritos for days in the freezer.
Living on pennies doesn't mean you have to eat poorly, just plan out your meals. Might I suggest r/mealprepsunday and r/frugal if you want to learn more.
EmeraldLevinbolt: Not everyone is in the same situation, not everyone has the time or resources to do what you do. Judging someone for getting a breakfast burrito once is a dick move. Most of us know what it's like to be poor and to spend a few dollars on something you really want because it's the only thing that'll help you get out of the funk you're in.
Chill.
Fryphax: $2 Crock pot and push a button before work. Living on pennies is different than being poor.
| 8 | 195.75 | |
1656434857 | 1656439267 | t3_vmrqcq | t5_2to41 | 44 | OccultMachines: TIFU by fiber-overdosing.
In the past few weeks, a couple big things have been happening. My wife (who does the cooking) left to take a break from the relationship and I've been getting the most intense gas pains, I'm talking pain that feels like I'm being ripped in twine. I've never felt gas pain like this in my life. Probably because I'm cooking for myself. So instead of seeing a doctor, I decided hey; simple fix. You need more fiber, my guy.
So last night I had one of these pains and decided that's enough. And my brothers in christ let me tell you this, when my anxiety brain decides to do something about my health, you better be damn sure I'm gonna do it 120%. I made a pot of fiber chili for a late second-dinner. Red beans, green beans, garlic, onion, and all the chili fixin's. A bottle of kombucha and a glass of water with a few drops of peppermint extract (I hear it's good for gas). I ripped ass all night and it was the best feeling in the world.
This morning I woke up and still felt bloated. I had two large glasses of cold brew coffee. And the following is a tale of horror only known to residents of the internet familiar with Haribo Sugar Free Gummi Bears. I legitimately shit my pants for the first time I can remember. And I'm not talking just a little brown liquid. I full on shit in my damn drawers. I rushed to the bathroom and finished what I had started there, vacating the insides of my bowels of everything I've eaten in the past week or so. I threw my briefs into the washer and went to take a shower and lord have it, my body decided it was a great time to butt-vomit and for the first time in my life, I shit in the shower. I couldn't control it. I felt like a goddamn firehose let loose. And I am utterly fucking horrified at myself. My life has gone to complete shit, pun intended, in such a short amount of time and I can only hope that I'm able to mentally recover from this. So here I sit to tell you my cautionary tale; DO NOT DO WHAT I DID, PLEASE.
Tl;dr: Went way overboard, took a lot of fiber, shit my pants and then the shower. Trying to convince myself life is still worth living.
Rags__2__Riches: Had a similar situation, but luckily my cousin (17M at the time) was the victim and not me (19M at the time). This happened in summer of 6 years ago.
My cousin had driven in from a city just an hour south of my hometown the morning before so that we could get some lawn care done (This was six years ago during the summer after my freshman year in college, so I was still handling some of my lawn care business I started during early high school).
My father has occasional flare ups of diverticulitis, so the doctor recommended that he gets more fiber to help keep everything regular. To do this, he had some FiberOne bars.
We have an 8:00am tee time on this beautiful Saturday morning, luckily we were playing early because it gets hot in AL. Before we drive off from my house to go to the course, my cousin eats three of these FiberOne bars and takes a fourth one to eat on the drive.
Everything was fine and dandy for the first hour or so, but when we got to hole five, my cousin turns to me and goes "Rags\_\_2\_\_Riches, I need the bathroom, NOW"
We skip hole five as there is a bathroom on hole six. Now, while I was away at college, they had began giving out bathroom keys with the golf cart keys to avoid having local high school students use the bathrooms to smoke/drink among other activities when the course was closed.
And imagine that, we were never given a bathroom key with our cart key. Cue my cousin clenching his cheeks together with tears rolling down his face as I am calling the course shop, laughing my tail off, trying to get someone out there with a key.
The course is spread out, so it takes about 15 minutes for someone to drive from the clubhouse to hole 6. During those 15 minutes, my cousin goes through anger, regret, sadness, desperation pleas, etc. He goes behind the bathroom building 9 minutes after I call the shop, and BAM, I hear it from the other side of the building. As I sit there wondering what the noise was, my cousin lets the floodgates open. Wet, juicy farts galore. By the time the bathroom key gets there, I thank the club employee and wait until he is driving down the cart path to call out to my cousin.
He comes around the corner with his shorts in his hands, wearing his polo and boxers, "I have to clean up and throw these boxers away" he says as he waddles towards the bathroom with his head hung in shame (I later find out that the first noises I heard were before he had his boxers off, hence the waddle of shame).
I walk around the backside of the building and lay my eyes upon a wonderful (albeit stanky) abstract graffiti piece on the backside of the building. I was utterly amazed at how far and wide it reached.
Needless to say, my cousin has not touched a FiberOne bar, and I poke much fun at him whenever I see him.
Tl;dr: Cousin at too many FiberOne bars, painted the backside of the bathroom building at a golf course with his backside.
Mr007McDiddles: and that's a twofer for this tifu.
| 3 | 14.666667 | |
1656435581 | 1656436956 | t3_vmrzx1 | t5_2to41 | 8 | Ill-Translator-6434: TIFU by ruining my chances with a girl.
So back in January of this year, I(18m) met a beautiful woman(18) that we will call Diane. Diane is an artist and used to be a good friend of mine. She would open up to me about personal things and we would flirt daily. I had feelings for Diane but I met another beautiful woman(19) that we will call Clara. Clara and Diane didn't get along. I asked out Diane a few weeks into our friendship. I told Clara about me dating Diane.
Clara told me that she has feelings for me and that she really wanted to be with me. Clara asked me to break up with Diane so I did 5 hours after I asked Diane out. I broke up Diane when she woke up. Diane ended up crying and told me that if I ended up with any women without waiting a month, she wouldn't talk to me again. I ignored her statement and asked out Clara. Diane did ignore me afterwards. A month later, a friend told me that Diane gained a bf(18). Clara started to ignore me while being my gf.
Then I found out that Clara was cheating on me with her original bf. I broke up with Clara and was deeply hurt by it. I tried talking to Diane, who didn't respond. I started dating a girl that we will call Vanessa(20). Vanessa broke up with me shortly after. I kept finding myself being drawn back to Diane and wondered what could have been.
I recently saw Diane at a friends get together. She was talking with two of our friends (17m and 17f) and Diane's bf. Diane and her bf talked and laughed. I tried talking to Diane but she ignored me. I was told by my friend that Diane doesn't want to talk to me and this was the first time in months that she was comfortable with hanging around me. I wish I never broke up Diane and know I can't fix what I did. I love her but I can never be with her again.
TL;DR I ruined a relationship with a girl for someone else.
pogiguy2020: You could throw yourself at her mercy seeing that you say you love her. Simply tell her the truth and that you are an idiot and that Clara just used you.
You really have nothing to lose now, so if I were you I would simply throw yourself at her mercy and if she still does not change her feelings then move on. You are young and there are plenty of other women out there you have yet to meet.
twotall88: Or, OP could stop being an insufferable tw\*t and move on with his young life. He's 18...
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1656437232 | 1656438326 | t3_vmsmyi | t5_2to41 | 14 | HandCandy56: TIFU by threatening someone
I don't know if this belongs in r/confession or here; I tend to browse this one though, and it's more of an I completely fucked up than a confession, I guess.
Obligatory this happened almost 8 years ago, in November-ish of 2014. I was 11. Now I'm 19 (f). This is also a throwaway account.
This all started when I began Year 7 of comprehensive school (I don't know what this is in "grade", I was 11 when I started). I met new people and made new friends, and new enemies.
In one subject, I was sat next to my best friend and this random girl. Let's call her Tara. Tara never showed any interest in me or my best friend, whenever we asked her questions or tried to include her in conversation, she just straight up ignored us without even murmuring or looking at us. At one point, this pissed me off so I told my best friend to stop talking to Tara - while we were sat next to her - because it was "like talking to a brick wall". I and my best friend stopped trying after this.
Some weeks later, I posted something to a social media (I won't be naming it), entitled something like "50 facts about me". Just stupid cringey shit that 11 year olds did in 2014. One of these "facts" - and I can't believe I'm saying this - was that I was going to kill Tara. This of course was NOT at all true, I would never have hurt her, or anyone. I don't remember typing it nor do I know WHY I typed it, but I did it. It was just words to me, I had absolutely no idea how hurtful it could be to say that. My older brother had threatened me before, I'd seen it on shows and movies (I am not trying to shift blame, just stating that these things PERHAPS had an influence on my actions) and I guess a part of my stupid, naive brain thought it was a normal thing to say. Saying this now, I have NO idea why in the FUCK I did this.
Some weeks go by and I forget about this post. Tara's friends start messaging me and asking me what it's about, I told them it was because she was acting rude to me and my best friend and she ignored us when I tried to be nice to her. They were, for some crazy reason, polite to me about it, and didn't say anything horrible to me. Her sister messaged me and again, was super nice about it. I took the post down after her sister messaged me, and I remember commenting on one of her posts something nice and she thanked me, with kisses "xx". I can't remember really what happened between that and the next important thing: getting called by the Head of Year.
I am so, so thankful that they called our school and not the police.
I was pulled into a secluded office and asked about why I'd said what I did. They calmly explained to me that what I did was very wrong, illegal, and that I could get into serious trouble for it. I didn't understand at the time of posting the fucking thing that words actually have an impact, and this girl must have been terrified thinking some random bitch was going to hurt her, for nothing. I broke down in tears, saying that it was just words and I meant absolutely nothing by it.
They made me write an apology letter, which I did to the best of my ability, but it wouldn't surprise me at all if Tara just tore it up and didn't forgive me. I wouldn't forgive her if she had done the same thing to me.
Tara never looked me in the eye after that. I made sure to always be nice to her and her friends, never speaking to her or doing anything that could have been seen as rude or impulsive. I remember her asking me a question about using the computer I had just used (I was still logged in), but she wouldn't(/couldn't?) look at me. I tried to be nice and gave her a Christmas card at the end of 2014.
I have not forgiven myself for doing this to her. I think about it most days, wondering about whether or not she still thinks about the asshole who threatened her online. I think about whether or not she developed some type of trauma, and I could never live with myself if I was the cause of someone else's trauma. Throughout 2020 and 2021, when my obsessive-compulsive disorder became very severe, there were days (sometimes weeks) where I would feel intense guilt over this, curling up in a ball and crying, knowing that I really hurt someone.
I fucked up really badly here, and I deserve all the hate I'm going to get.
Tara, I am so sorry. I am sorry to this day, and I always will be sorry.
TL;DR: I threatened someone online over something stupid, and I feel intense and deserved guilt over it. I hope I didn't cause her lifelong trauma.
shadesofwolves: Get therapy for yourself. You were 11, yes it was wrong, but clearly you aren't over it and need to seek the help you wish on Tara.
You know you made a mistake, you were a child and it wasn't as serious to you as it should have been but the fact is you're remorseful.
Please, honestly, get therapy to help you through the guilt.
HandCandy56: Thank you for saying this. I did get into therapy when I started to self-harm, around 5 years ago. I don't think I've spoken to her about this, it's never really come to me to do so. The next time I speak to her, I will definitely consider talking about it. Thank you, once again 🙂
shadesofwolves: You should, it will only be healthy for you. That's what they're there for, yeah? No judgements, just healing.
Please also remember, you're just human, and you were a little one at that. It's okay.
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1656437914 | 1656481654 | t3_vmswda | t5_2to41 | 629 | Sleepy_Dragoness: TIFU by saving a kitten....
My dogs where barking like crazy, so I went out to investigate. There was a little kitten under an old furniture in my backyard. My smaller dog crawled underneath to grab the feline, who bolted in my direction and I instinctively grabbed it. The kitty was so scared that he bit me and drew blood. I placed him in one of our chicken cages and quickly went to wash my hands with antibacterial soap and then clean the wound with peroxide.
Yesterday my finger was red, swollen and it felt on fire. I went to the emergency room where I spent hours until they injected me antibiotics, pain medication and the rabies shot. They also prescribed me some antibiotics for the following days. Today I took the first pill, my stomach couldn't handle it and a while later it sent me to the bathroom. I felt horrible, so I took a shower and headed to bed. When I got to my room, one of my dogs somehow got to my antibiotics and ate them. Idk what to do now..... I'm in pain, fighting an infection with no medicine. FML
TL;DR: Saved kitten, got bitten, got infected, went to ER, got antibiotics, dog ate antibiotics, everything seems so bleak.
SkullsTasteGood: That sucks, trying to do a good thing and then it goes wrong. But I gotta know, what happened to the kitten? Or what is going to happen to the kitten?
Sleepy_Dragoness: The kitten is doing super well, he's been eating tuna for the past two days. I'm trying to find him a new home, but no one is interested so far. Hopefully I'll find him a new home before the end of the week.
SkullsTasteGood: Good to hear (or read) that the kitten is doing well. I hope that you are able to find him a new home soon, especially so that then you run less of a risk of getting more cat bites.
Sleepy_Dragoness: Let's hope! Because I'm not particularly excited to get bitten again by a cat. It was very expensive 😅
HecticBlue: Love that you saved the little baby. Hope you find a home soon.
I would get him some wet cat food in the meantime. Tuna is actually bad for cats it turns out. Don't remember why.
riverrabbit1116: There's too generally much salt in human tuna for cats. Bad for their kidneys long term if I recall correctly.
| 7 | 89.857143 | |
1656441035 | 1656676406 | t3_vmu7eq | t5_2to41 | 94 | memento_mori_1220: TIFU A coworker and my self removed almost all of this multimillion dollar houses insulation by mistake
So I used to work for this crawl space company, we would do insulation removal, install, sump pumps dehumidifiers, French drains, vapor barrier, mold treatment, etc. The job we had was in a really Rich neighborhood on the New Jersey shore. But apparently there were two houses with the same number on similar sounding streets. Our gps took us to the wrong house. The customer wanted insulation removal and the crawl space entered was out back. Apparently the customer was not going to be home so they said to just start working, but we went to the wrong house by mistake with no one home and the crawl space enterence out back. And we started to work by removing all the insulation and put it in trash bags.
When we got a call from our boss an hour later we realized it was the wrong house because the real customer called asking where we were an hour later because they had a security camera and never saw us at their house..we literally ripped out 1/2 of this million dollar houses insulation that was recently put it, this would be atleast a 1000 dollar job to reinstall..which we were so confused why someone would want to remove and replace brand new insulation, but they were rich so we didn’t think any thing of it..
So we put all the insulation in garbage bags in the houses crawl space and when we realized we were in the wrong house, we took off as soon as possible, leaving over 50+ bags of this guys brand new insulation bagged up under his house.. to this day some guy who owns a multimillion dollar + house on the new jersey shore has almost all his brand new insulation removed and bagged up under his crawlspace. One day he is going to go down there and be so pissed off and confused when he finds out.
The company I worked for was the definition of a piece of shit, and if I told the home owners I would have got fired.. my boss did not want to pay the money to fix our mistake or have us spend more time than we already had their, so Our boss told us to just leave and get out of there and never speak about it. This was a few years ago and nothing ever came about it.
TL;DR Went to wrong multimillion dollar house in New jersey by the ocean , me and coworker took down basically all their insulation and then left when we found out because our boss is a POS.
SubstantialEmotion41: Wow! What a dishonest company! You damage someone's property then just leave! Hope they are not still in business! I found this post disgusting!
memento_mori_1220: It was an honest mistake on our part but the owner of the company didn’t want to spend thousands fixing our mistake and we had to go to the job we were supposed to go to in the first place trust me it made me sick to
Box_Springs_Burning: It made you sick, but you did nothing to fix it. The company may have been the worst, but the employees clearly aren't much better.
memento_mori_1220: Dude who the fuck are you to judge me?
Box_Springs_Burning: I am the person reading your admission of guilt, that you posted in order to get the lolz. You damaged someone's house, knew you did it it, then didn't want to own up to your mistake because the company was bad? You probably thought it was OK because the home owner was rich.
memento_mori_1220: I didn’t post it to be funny I posted it because I fucked up. I honestly don’t care what you think have a good day
creep_while_u_sleep: Yea dude, you’re an asshole in this situation.
memento_mori_1220: Don’t care what you think either
creep_while_u_sleep: Dude, you broke into someone’s home and vandalized it and left without fixing your fuck up or even contacting the owner. In what reality are you not the asshole?
memento_mori_1220: I was threatened to be fired if I said anything but like I said I don’t care what you think
| 11 | 8.545455 | |
1656442545 | 1656469665 | t3_vmuth2 | t5_2to41 | 8 | MFAvoz: TIFU shoulda left it in 1st
TIFU Today at work I was listening to rslash videos and a r/tifu made me think of a time I have also f’d up.
For context I’m a 25m and I get my haircut by an old coworker who owns a suite in a building with other businesses. I also drive a manual transmission sports coupe, my license plate is my last name, and I legally conceal carry a pistol.
On this day, about a month ago, I left work for my lunch break and hurried over to the business suite to get my haircut. I go inside and start my cut as normal when a seamstress from the store down the hall comes to my stylist and says “who is *my last name* and why are the parked behind your vehicle like that? Confused why she used my name I say “i’m *last name* what do you mean? I parked in a parking spot of course.” This seamstress starts with a Karen attitude about how I purposely rammed her car and blocked in my stylist. I ask the Karen seamstress to calm down and I’ll come take a look. I remove the cape and throw on my hoodie to go see what the heck she’s talking about.
As we walk outside and I see the rear bumper of my car around the corner of the building it all starts to dawn on me. TIFU. My car is perpendicular to the rear of my stylists car (think ‘T’ shape) and my rear bumper is touching the wheel of the seamstress’ SUV (my car makes an ‘L’ shape to hers)… all about 30 yards from the parking spot I left my car in.
Me realizing what an absolute idiot I am, I exclaim “Oh my god I didn’t use my E-brake!” The confused Karen, who now has a co-worker and a customer outside with us, continues berating me about revenge on my stylist and driving drunk and whatever over the top story she’s created in her head. I’m very shook and I try to explain that I drive a manual car and I must have not parked it properly so it rolled away from the parking spot. Karen waves her arms with open palms and shows me there are no parking spots for my car to have been in. (Someone took my spot after my car generously gave it up😂) frustrated and trying to explain the situation a little more clearly she cuts me off as only a Karen could. She points at my waist and tells me “you shouldn’t be flashing that thing around like that” referring to my holstered pistol that is showing from under my hoodie that I hastily threw on. “you need to put that away because the police are on the way, I told them you were drunk and we didn’t know your plans for *hair stylist* or why you trapped her in”
Now I’m pissed. I know this is all my mistake but I will NOT disarm myself because of some stupid bitch that doesn’t even know what a parking brake is. Making my voice more stern I tell Karen “I will NOT remove my weapon. The police can come and investigate whatever they need to, but from what I can see there is zero damage on any of the vehicles. Do you mind if I move my car now and check your SUV.” She allows me to move my car which I do VERY slowly because I’m practically scrapping my stylists car now. I park away from them and be sure to enable to parking brake 🤦🏼. We check her vehicle and the only spot my car hit was the literal RUBBER of the tire. No paint transfer or anything. Tbh the car was probably barley rolling based on the scuffs on my car.
Anyways I gave her my info and told her to call me when her husband can look at the car and let me know if I owe them. (I KNEW I shouldn’t owe anything) and the cops never really showed up.
After my haircut a cop did follow me back to work but about 8min into him following me I took off from a green light to entice him to pull me.. he ignored me so I knew I was fine lol
Sorry if this story is a little jumpy, I’m not a story teller in the slightest but really wanted to share this
TL;DR I parked my manual car in neutral without the e-brake and it rolled away and hit Karen’s car. She called the cops even tho there wasn’t damage.
robotnique: Just confirms my belief that dudes who wear their pistol to get a haircut are total dweebs.
MFAvoz: 😂 cause no barbershop ever been robbed. Where WOULD a dude carry his pistol? Lol
robotnique: I dunno, I've never carried one in my 36 years on this planet.
MFAvoz: And that’s a choice of yours. I’m happy for you that you have that choice.
robotnique: Sorry, man. Nothing against you personally, but I hate our country's gun culture. Ideally they'd only be available to people who hunt or can otherwise demonstrate a valid need.
And when you get to things like a semi-automatic rifle of any kind I think there are vanishingly few people who can justify owning one.
MFAvoz: Valid argument, honestly. And I know it’s cliché, but only a good guy with a gun can stop a bad guy with a gun. I’m no vigilante don’t get me wrong.. but when I get gas in the morning i don’t want to get mugged by that same maniac you’re concerned by.
robotnique: I'd much rather live in a country that treats guns the way Australia or Western Europe does, to be honest.
And I understand that people say it's too late because we already have more guns out there than people in this country.
But, you know, the best time to plant a tree was thirty years ago. The next best time is today.
Unfortunately there is zero solution to the mass shootings we suffer without a ton of reforms on gun laws. Even having a good guy with a gun only means a few less corpses since most of these shootings are done in the blink of an eye and you can't un-murder a classroom of kids. So since adding more guns isn't going to solve the issue, and taking them away isn't an option, guess we just won't solve it.
Truth is that whatever the number of corpses we need to change things is, we haven't hit it.
| 8 | 1 | |
1656443215 | 1656510481 | t3_vmv3bo | t5_2to41 | 21 | DamienLexers: TIFU by forcing myself onto a friend, thinking she liked me
2 days ago I, 23 (American Male), was over at a friends house - we've been friends for well over a few months at this point and expressed more than normal cordial level friendship. Meaning we would hang out together for several hours at a time, normally involving drinks or smoking at her place - we enjoyed each others company, similar interests and I thought we were getting on great.
I had some level of feelings for her but I, as almost is always the case, assumed this to be just my imagination that she may like me back - I've never been overly socially competent, so nothing new here really to have to move on. I had a few room mates attempt to pry me for more information, trying to convince me that - since we were spending a \*lot\* amount of time together, she might like me back. I started getting my hopes up and tried, slowly, trying to gauge and see if I had a chance - basic stuff, making a joke/comment that was a little more than friendly to see her response. I cannot stress enough, I never wanted to make her feel uncomfortable - I liked her quite a bit at this point outside of being attracted to her, super chill person. I started getting a moderate amount of responses back, responses I - and a lot of my friends - thought had to be signs of some level of interest. At this point, I was more than happy and hopeful.
Come one night 2 days ago where, after having a few drinks with friends, she dm's me out of the blue asking for me to come over - watch some anime, smoke, drink and have our normal shit talking late into the night. I was excited, partially the alcohol but by this point I was really confident that she - at least to some level - kinda liked me back. I rushed over to her place, sweating bullets and still pretty drunk - but she was happy to see me and we relaxed in her room for a while, watching My Hero Academia for a while. We had more than a few drinks and smokes, and were laying on her sofa cuddling and talking - I was so beyond happy, as I really thought this might be a chance here.
More talking lead to her stating something akin to "Yeah well you wouldn't have the balls to kiss me anyways" - which I, drunk on so much serotonin I probably couldn't even walk straight, thought was my chance. I leant in and kissed her, never done this before so I can only imagine I wasn't fantastic - we half made out for about 15 seconds. I tried moving down to kissing her neck instead as, and I cannot stress this enough, I have no idea how to kiss people - seriously, this was my 1st time, so I was worried I was an awful kisser. She got *\*very\* un*comfortable, pulled on the back of my hair to make me stop, and that's how it ended - I was confused and completely terrified since I knew she was not comfortable, and I had been the one to fuck it up.
She asked, in a concerned voice, making sure that wasn't my first kiss - before like half an hour later asking me to leave so she could sleep. I felt like a complete ass, still do - and sadly it didn't even remain private, as I know she's already told more than a few people. I know of people making jabs and jokes about it, not to my face mind but I'm terrified of the day that happens - my friends, love them as much as I do, don't take mercy and joke about god damn everything. I don't know if I read signs wrong, I was an awful kisser, I tried rushing things too fast - I have no idea, I have no experience in this regard what-so-ever and now feel like a complete and total dumbass.
Since then we have discussed it once, in which she told me I made her feel scared and made no indication she ever had feelings for me. So yeah...1st attempt was a complete failure.
TL:DR - tried to make out with a friend as I thought she liked me, made her very uncomfortable and am now a laughing stock behind my back
mrnatural18: Next time a woman challenges you to kiss her, kiss her. Keep it short and back off.
Ask her, "Can you do better?"
If she shows you how she likes to be kissed, then you know she is into you.
DamienLexers: As sad as it is that at 23 I'm having to learn the stuff most people learn by 14, it's appreciated - it was an awful first experience, but it was a trial by fire in some ways. I've tried to break down everything I did wrong, but it's still a pretty painful memory to try analysing
Latter-Mention9695: Why is it painful dude you were drunk af and she told you to kiss her it's not that bad imo I have done esy more embarrassing shit than that it's not that bad,you where drunk and did drunk dumb stuff who cares don't over think it
DamienLexers: I mean my first time kissing a girl resulted in me both scaring the shit out of a good friend, and making me a joke behind my back to my friends. So yeah, the entire thing has made me feel like shit
Latter-Mention9695: You where good friends and known each other for a long time she invited you knowing you where drunk and dared you to kiss her you did she didn't like it and that is it. And I would just tell my firends about this and joke and laugh about it with them. You didn't really do anything bad.
DamienLexers: That's nice to read, honestly writing it down and seeing most peoples responses has made the situation feel a little less awful - I'm glad it doesn't seem to be as major a fuck up as I originally thought
Latter-Mention9695: The only fuck up was the girl who asked you if it was you first kiss and then made you feel embarrassed about it. And don't worry about doing embarrassing stuff trust me I have embarrassed myself so much this doesn't even come close. Best of luck to you!
| 8 | 2.625 | |
1656443842 | 1656507982 | t3_vmvbqs | t5_2to41 | 22 | WolfordH2-HOHO: TIFU by intentionally speaking in another language in front of my classmate
Today, Me and my classmate/roommate were on a mini road trip to another city. On the way there me and her were chatting and suddenly my boyfriend calls. quick thing to note, me and my bf occasionally speaks korean together, its to practice for me since I always wanted to learn korean as a third language. and another quick note, my friend does not know I am dating, I keep my relationship status pretty DL. I answered the call.
we spoke in korean and he was telling about this and that, and he asked why speaking korean, I answered that its because my friend is with me and i don't want her to know that i have a boyfriend. he understood and wondered why, I said that sometimes secrecy is a good thing. we ended and me and my friend continued talking.
My friend asked who I was talking to, and I lied and said it was my doctor. She pointed out that my convo sounded awfully chummy in a sense like I knew the doctor too well. I wasn't much paying attention to which my friend said in perfect korean "그게 니 남자친구인줄 알았어 이 멍청아" which translates to "I know that was your boyfriend you idiot" I grew white and stared at her and she stared at me, although she wasn't mad at the fact I just lied to her face but rather mad that I never told her about my boyfriend. especially how we are roommates.
The car ride was silent, I tried to turn on the music or at least a podcast but she kept smacking my hand. I even got a call from my dad to which she answered and said in a joking manner to my da that I was being punished and to call later. so so awkward.
tldr; I intentionally spoke korean to my boyfriend to hide the fact I am dating, without realizing or to my knowledge really, that my roommate/classmate spoke korean as well. and she punished me by making the rest of the road trip silent and awkward.
just a quick edit: I had no clue at all that my roommate could speak korean. so it was of course a surprise to me. I never heard her speaking any other language fluently except english and french (she's Filipino but french born)
Takemeto-yourmother: Okay but serious question, how come you are so apprehensive for your best friend/roommate to know you have a boyfriend? Definitely is odd and would make me feel alienated if I was your friend and I thought you couldn't trust me with that information, likewise if I was dating someone I would be somewhat concerned if it was a priority for them to not tell people about me. I would feel like you were ashamed to be with me.
WolfordH2-HOHO: I meant to tell her sooner but so many things were going on my mind when me and my bf became official. I am just wary because i once revealed about my dating life to a close friend and everyone in the class found out the next day. I was bullied and even interrogated about the guy. I had to reveal him to get them off my case but after that it was just absolute hell. they even brought the guy there and he broke up with me on the spot. later telling me because he couldn't handle the sudden amount of people (he and I were very introverted) and he too was someone where it became official for less than expected and I didn't wanted it to happen again. So I keep my love life a secret and only reveal to people like my dad.
So its not really just alienation its more like do i trust her enough to keep this information tight lipped.
Noidremained: you're not official before the whole class knows
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1656443593 | 1656447524 | t3_vmv8e2 | t5_2to41 | 7 | Greedysadboy: TIFU by being jealous of rich people
[removed]
bravnot: I feel like you're the same person who's been railing against females on here for weeks.
starliner2000: The profile info fits the general trend. Most likely it a bot.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1656445531 | 1656446529 | t3_vmvzbg | t5_2to41 | 37 | JenNineNails: TIFU by using a temporary tattoo
This happened a few days ago, but I'm still dealing with the consequences.
Late last week I (female, 40's) applied a semi-permanent tattoo. I'd used these before so I had a pretty good idea as to what I was doing.
For those who don't know, the tattoos are applied like any other temporary tattoo, but these take between 6 and 24 hours to react with the skin and 'develop'. They start out silvery and end up being between a dark blue and black shade, depending on the skin shade of the user, and look like a real tattoo.
Once applied, they can last up to 30 days, and the only way to remove them is exfoliation, but even then it'll be dark for the first few days.
I applied this tattoo to the space between my left breast and collarbone. I let it set for 6 hours, and then went to bed.
The temperature of the room, the fact that I wore a tank top to bed, and the ample size of my bosom were all ingredients that contributed to the perfect storm. My boob slid up and pushed the tattoo into my throat. The room was warm and I guess I sweat just enough to wet the tattoo and activate the excess ink on the tattoo.
I got up to get a drink of water and stopped to ask my husband, who was up watching TV, a question. He amusedly asked me if I'd applied another tattoo to my neck. I assured him I had not, and then went to look in the mirror.
It looked like I'd gotten into a fight with a giant stamper and lost. A bastardized version of the tattoo was there on my throat, from the base up to my chin. And because I'm so white I'm almost see through, the marks were DARK.
I probably wouldn't have cared, but I remembered that I had a bridal shower to attend a few days later, and my attendance was mandatory because I'm part of the wedding party.
What followed was three days of scrubbing and exfoliating and soaping and cursing. I finally got it light enough to (mostly) cover with concealer, even if it was really tender from the half week of abuse.
The marks are still there, almost a week later, faded but still dark enough to mock me. I ran errands today and didn't do anything to hide the marks. I've made peace with knowing a temporary tattoo got the best of me.
TL;DR : My boob and a tattoo conspired to mess up my neck while I was sleeping.
No_Bend8: Can you share the brand please? I want one! This is hilarious but I'm glad you kinda got it covered with concealer
JenNineNails: They're Markz brand, I got them at Showcase. They're amazing, when applied in the right spots. 😉
| 3 | 12.333333 | |
1656447291 | 1656448592 | t3_vmwo5q | t5_2to41 | 38 | [deleted]: TIFU - my girlfriend left me because she discovered that I’d deepfaked Zoe Kravitz into our sex tapes
[removed]
Captainschitqunt: What. The. Fuck.
Sitheref0874: The only thing that could make your comment better is inserting "actual".
But yeah. WTF.
Captainschitqunt: I was too baffled to write any more.
Sitheref0874: My flabber was well and truly ghasted,
Captainschitqunt: Agreed. My dumb was most certainly founded.
| 6 | 6.333333 | |
1656447768 | 1656448330 | t3_vmwuyh | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU By being nice
[deleted]
Interesting-Month-56: Ah... the high school bully makes a shitpost to show his crappy friends.
God I miss high school. /s
Viddo_can_drive2006: Oh I forgot to add never have I ever taken the piss out of this kid before. Literally all I did was chuckle at a joke
| 3 | 1 | |
1656455650 | 1656471403 | t3_vmyi1o | t5_2to41 | 8 | throwawaysbacct1: He was probably being an ass not that he was the ass
Rover267: But being an ass by having the fever. How do you be an ass when you’re sick
robotnique: Being sick doesn't excuse all and any behavior. You can still cross a line by being a grumpy asshole.
Rover267: Yes ofc it’s just that she made it sound like he’s an asshole just because he had a fever
throwawaysbacct1: Stealing the blanket, attitude , talking back , not staying on his side of the bed , maybe being over dramatic. How old are you? Have you never had a relationship 😂
Rover267: Ok yeah that is acting like an asshole. Seems like you need a new man if he does this often. I’m 19 and I’ve only been in one relationship and we only dated for a month and a half
robotnique: Don't worry, duder. Relationships are the kind of thing you can only learn about by being in one. You'll get your turn. Just remember to try and be kind and that communication is 90% of it and the key to most issues.
Rover267: Thank you kind stranger. It takes time to meet the right person or to be in a relationship i can’t lie and tell you that I don’t wish I was in one cause I do but I gotta wait until it’s my turn I guess
robotnique: Hell, man. If you want to know the truth I don't have it all figured out, either. I'm seeing my wife tomorrow for the first time in two years since we separated for good.
I still love her desperately and I'm going to try and help take care of her while she is trying to figure out her next step in life, but it's probably an absolutely terrible idea to have her come stay with me, and I haven't been with anybody since her so who knows how I'm going to react emotionally.
Going to try and follow my own advice and just focus on being kind and communicative.
Rover267: Oh wow. If I may ask why is she staying with you?
robotnique: Her life in Seattle seemingly fell apart and I live relatively close to her mother. She is going to stay with me since her mom is still very stressed about COVID and wants her to quarantine after traveling, it seems.
And I still love her and can't say no to helping her. Hopefully it doesn't go belly up.
Our separation was complicated because we both still love one another, I just couldn't handle the burden of her mental illness since she always would end up giving up on her life, to the point of quitting jobs and staying in bed for months on end. I deeply regret our marriage ending, but I wasn't able to do the work for both of us.
| 11 | 0.727273 | |
1656454776 | 1656455847 | t3_vmzjti | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: Tifu by using my work computer for personal use
[removed]
IrishJesusDude: Why is this reposted by a new account every other day?
Cryostatica: So weird. Like what's the point?
| 3 | 1 | |
1656453798 | 1656457723 | t3_vmz6sz | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU my coworker and I removed over half of the insulation from a multimillion dollar beach house by mistake, boss told us to leave and if I said anything about it I would have gotten fired
[deleted]
WhichWayzUp: Why are you posting this again? You already posted this 4 times today.
memento_mori_1220: I posted this twice again because the text was all weird don’t have to be rude
| 3 | 2 | |
1656456374 | 1656585104 | t3_vn04ch | t5_2to41 | 89 | noah_the_perfectYT: TIFU by accidentally being a little too good at goalkeeper
So some backstory, I'm a soccer player and I play usually midfield. But today's practice our goalkeeper was sick I think. So practice starts, we do are warm ups and usually after warm ups we do penalties/free kicks. But our goalkeeper wasn't here and nobody wanted to volunteer, so I was getting tired of waiting so I just volunteer. We go on through the entirety of practice and I'm not doing half bad, I missed some balls I should have blocked but life goes on. Now for our final drill we have to run from half field and coach kicks the ball from behind us and we chase it and try to score. We are about halfway through the drill when my friend goes up. He gets the ball and runs up to about the top of the box and shoots right in the corner. I don't even realize what just happened but my legs auto jumped and barely saved it. Everybody was impressed but I just start internally panicking since i don't like being goalkeeper, and if we don't have a goalie on Sunday I'm absolutely being goalkeeper. And to add insult to injury, my coach after practice congratulated me for the save.
TL;DR
I volunteered to be my teams goalkeeper for the practice since are goalie was sick, did a really good save. And now have a really big chance of starting as goalkeeper in are next game even though I hate being goalkeeper.
Edit: well that was a interesting game. The game starts off with coach telling us are positions, are goalie is here so i don't have to worry right (foreshadowing 🥲). I get picked as left wing. First half ends 0-0. In the first 10 minutes of the 2 half i score twice. Then by some miracle the others team ties it up 2-2 going into the 72 minute. Then guess who gets a Charlie horse. I'm just sitting there waiting for coach to put me in the goal. He does and im sitting there praying they dont have any good shots. They do score but it was offside so it didnt count thankfully, now this where the story becomes unbelievable. After a dreadful call from the ref its a pentaly for them in the 85 minute of the game. Im internally crying while i wait for the ref to let him shoot. He shoots and by gods miracle i save it (in hindsight it was a bad pentaly :/). After that we get a 91 or 92 minute go to win the game 3-2 :D. So i guess being a goalkeeper isnt as bad as it seems.
peggysue878787: Most American thing I've ever heard
noah_the_perfectYT: Look man if I said football then all the americans would have been correcting me in the comments like "you mean soccer"
KingCreeper7777: Could have said "football (Im not American)"
pletskoo_: why even care??
KingCreeper7777: I personally don't, I was just giving an easy solution for what seemed like a problem they had
pletskoo_: my point still stands for the other comments
| 7 | 12.714286 | |
1656456896 | 1656466129 | t3_vn0b6m | t5_2to41 | 15 | Desperate-Appeal1734: TIFU by having sex with my ex-girlfriends close friend
Today, I (M16) and [fake names] Lizzie (17f) had sex for the first time. Little context first, I dated her close friend before her, Sandra (17f). Sandra and I had lots and lots of issues when we dated, and so did I at that point. We lasted about a month and a half. We never did more than hold hands, and the relationship ended as quickly as it started. We really just weren’t good for each-other. Sandra broke up with me and talked shit to everyone including our mutual friends after the relationship. Before the relationship, I had a friend. Her name is Lizzie (17f). We started as friends, just hanging out talking, watching movies, and playing video games. One day, while hanging out with her she confesses out of the blue that she has feelings for me. This confession took place a month or so after I dated Sandra. Lizzie says she has liked me the whole time. I like Lizzie too, but the thought does cross my mind about my ex. After confessing that we liked one another, things eventually escalated to sex. Neither of us regret it, and naturally we kept it secret. Lizzie told her friend about this, and Sandra somehow learned that Lizzie and I had sex. Sandra is now trying to convince their very close family like group of friends to drop Lizzie.
TL;DR
I fucked my ex’s close friend and now she wants to drop her friend.
shesavillain: That’s Sandra’s fuck up. You have no loyalty to an ex, she did to her friend.
Desperate-Appeal1734: Did you mean Lizzie’s fuck up? Lizzie is the friend of my ex.
shesavillain: Lizzie and Sandra are friends? Lizzie is the ex? Sandra is the one you had sex with?
Desperate-Appeal1734: Haha i guess i should have been more specific. Sandra’s my ex, Lizzie is the one i fucked, and they are close friends yes.
robotnique: You need to fix your story. First sentence says you fucked Sandra.
| 6 | 2.5 | |
1656458250 | 1656500869 | t3_vn0sdb | t5_2to41 | 12 | Prettygirlnerds: TIFU by not being charming
I was in a grocery store today and I saw a beautiful woman. She was just my type. She had on a short skirt and glasses. I got a little upset because I thought to myself “she’d never talk to me.” A girl like that would probably not even respond to me. I guess I don’t know cause I didn’t try but I didn’t want to get kicked out of the grocery store.
It bothers me because women will wear the sexiest clothes they can find and then complain when men approach them or compliment them. Do they just dress that way to impress other women? I’ve gotten a lot of advice to just treat women like you’d treat other men but that’s terrible advice. They may not be a “hive mind” but they’re all very similar and they seem to all hate approaches.
I honestly wish that I was a charming guy but you can’t learn that shit. No amount of articles or videos is going to turn a nerd like me suave. That’s just true. I don’t know what I’m going to do about a girlfriend because I’m never going to talk to a random girl in public.
Tl;dr I’m not going to approach women
AleGolem: How do you know you're not their type if you don't even try?
Eien_ni_Hitori_de_ii: Bro this guy can’t be anyone’s type, goddamn, soviet parade ass 🚩🚩🚩
AleGolem: Accurate, strong incel vibes with this one.
| 4 | 3 | |
1656461955 | 1656549606 | t3_vn21e1 | t5_2to41 | 66 | [deleted]: TIFU by waking up in the ER after a night of drinking, kinda scared, kinda embarrassed
[deleted]
Djangasdad: I woke up in the ER in handcuffs once so things could have been worse
The_Undermind: Story time?
Djangasdad: Haha, We'll save it for another day
AlmostChristmasNow: Depending on what time zone you are in, it’s another day now. So can you tell us now?
Djangasdad: I was young and didn't know how to deal with a break up. Thought I could fix everything by getting as drunk as I could and win her back. Did not go as well as I thought it would. On the bright side, all charges were dropped.
Dui, public intoxication and criminal trespass
| 6 | 11 | |
1656463440 | 1656475388 | t3_vn2is3 | t5_2to41 | 85 | [deleted]: TIFU by offering my dad anal?
[removed]
amyjd6: That’s hilarious. On my 18th birthday my sister sent our parents our drug order instead of sending it to our dealer. 😂
TRmagirose: I want to hear more of this if there is any? Lol
amyjd6: We were pretty crazy back then (32 now) and my sister is 4 years older than me. We were ordering mushrooms, ecstasy, acid, weed and coke. Quite a bit of each too.
When my sister first told me she sent it to our parents I was pretty mad and scared of what they would say. I was already moved out and our parents knew we did drugs, though they never knew what exactly until then.
My mom used to do drugs when she was younger and when we were young kids. Our dad tried weed and did ecstasy once.
My sister texted my dad’s phone and after an hour or two he replied “have a magical trip” and we never heard about it from them again. Kinda anticlimactic thankfully for us.
Debleckpenta: Damn your sis sounded wild - I kinda wish I knew someone like her back in the day who'd pressure me into doing hard drugs.
amyjd6: Haha she didn’t pressure me. I was doing them before we were close. It was my boyfriend at the time who got me into them when I was 16.
| 6 | 14.166667 | |
1656465423 | 1656466262 | t3_vn36fz | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: Tifu by opening messenger on my work computer
[removed]
Thebabewiththepower2: Okay this is the... third slightly different version of this story I've seen from you. Stop.
Metsu_: 2nd time for me. Like... What are you getting from this?
| 3 | 1 | |
1656465272 | 1656513516 | t3_vn34me | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU by taking my first tab of acid ever after the worst breakup of my life
[deleted]
Far-Squash7512: DO NOT think about anything negative. You must only think happy thoughts until it's over.
[deleted]: Quick comment update, im totally fine but my buddy is going through it right now and I don’t know nothing about tripping and I’m trying keep him thinking happy thoughts but he’s on it man.
Idk if it’s just something with me or what but it felt no different than facing a blunt for the first time, i was happy for a bit and my vision was a little loopy but i didn’t trip crazy like people always say and like my homie is apparently
RagnaroknRoll3: Yeah, some people don’t trip on psychedelics. My SO only ever got a body high, so you might just be not too affected. On top of that, my EDM friends say acid trips aren’t like in movies. You seem to be describing their usual trip.
MunificentDancer: I mean there must be a limit to that. Like I can't see someone dropping 1000 ugs and not feeling anything mentally
RagnaroknRoll3: I’m not sure I’d really want to test that theory.
| 6 | 2.666667 | |
1656464946 | 1656470320 | t3_vn30td | t5_2to41 | 103 | brainshark: TIFU by being an artsy nineteen year old
I used to shoot film. I loved everything about the process of taking, developing, and printing photographs. Being alone in the dark room with the red light on outside the door guaranteed my solitude. I’m easily distracted, and I loved how much I could get done in there.
When I was nineteen I went on a road trip with family, and brought my camera along with me. I took photos of everything and when I got home I put all of my rolls away in a box with a note to my thirty year old self.
I’m thirty one now, and I found the box a couple months ago. The note said to develop one roll and replace it each year so I’d always have a window into the past, and a way to commemorate the present for my future self.
I’ve been down lately and this seemed like the perfect pick-me-up, so I dropped a roll off at the one place in town who still process film and scheduled my pickup time.
On the ride home I had a mortifying revelation. Somewhere in those ~360 photographs was an intimate mirror selfie.
When I took it I had access to the equipment to develop colour film, and planned to develop everything myself. I had little foresight and didn’t account for circumstance, so I had no idea which roll it was on. I figured the chances were low that it would be on that one.
Don’t assume.
I’m not sure how automated the process is these days, but I picked up my prints today, and somebody I never meant to had to look at my nude body.
TL;DR: don’t take nude photos if you don’t want anyone else to see them
Slabdabhussein: so you still got it goin' on since you were 19?!
brainshark: You mean like am I still a pretentious prick? Yeah probably. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
| 3 | 34.333333 | |
1656466654 | 1656475004 | t3_vn3l6f | t5_2to41 | 23 | [deleted]: TIFU by using the back gate
[deleted]
Interesting-Month-56: I thought the title was gonna be a euphemism.
MindDependancy: I also came to see if he paddled the Cadbury Canal.
Interesting-Month-56: Rode the log ride
| 4 | 5.75 | |
1656468144 | 1656508463 | t3_vn42o1 | t5_2to41 | 14 | Spacecadet-07: TIFU: by letting a customer walk into the opposite genders restroom for the second time.
Sadly, this second time wasn’t today but a months days ago. I used to work as a maintenance and was assigned to clean restrooms. While blocking the womens entrance with my cart, a man walked around my cart and allowed himself in. I try to be respectful and don’t think much of the way people identify as so once he walked in, I didn’t say anything. He walks out a few seconds later and asks me why I didn’t tell him it was a womens restroom even though there was a big sign by the side of the cart that he walked around. I work in a different position at a different places now.
A few days ago, a maintenance employeee was cleaning the restrooms and was waiting by the mens wall when a woman walked around him and didn’t notice she was in the wrong room. I’ll admit that I was surprised because I have never (that I know of) seen someone that’s transgender and this is what I was thinking of as she walked passed the urinals and did go to the two stalls that were occupied but then she screamed in fear and then started asking why me or the associate didn’t say anything to her.
I don’t like the risk of offending anyone but what can I do to better handle these incidents?
TL;DR: I watched someone walk into the opposite genders restroom and didn’t say anything… two times.
RedemptionXCII: Honestly you handled it best by not saying anything from the get go.
If someone lost their mind and walked into the wrong bathroom and started getting sassy with you I'd default to "well, I didn't want to assume your gender identity/what you identify as"
Spacecadet-07: I feel like I’ll get a dirty look as they walk away but it still sounds like the best thing to in cases like that
RedemptionXCII: It's better to get dirty looks than (the extreme of) potentially losing your job over someone freaking out because you just innocently mind them what bathroom they're going into.
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1656468816 | 1656476225 | t3_vn4anl | t5_2to41 | 54 | PutTypical5456: TIFU by letting someone borrow my phone on a night out. Spent the night in jail and vomited on cops shoes
Not today. This happened about 13 years ago a friend recently brought it up and it's kinda funny,
It was a typical Saturday night for me and boys. We were all in our early 20's and the typical thing to do was go to spots that our friends worked at because we could get in for free or get one heck of a discount on the tab (the rule of thumb was to just leave a nice tip, win-win).
I was waiting for a coworker of mine to swing by to one of the bars but I was trashed pretty quickly because we kept getting shot after shot of just random stuff our friend would be making for other customers.
I finally got a call around 12 am and stepped outside with one of my buds (he was going for a smoke) to answer the call. I told my coworker what bar we were at and said she was nearby.When I hung up the phone, some random guy just came up to me and asked if he could make a quick phone call. To which I said sure but my friend advied against it.
I'll admit it was probably my ego and the liquor but I just gave the guy my phone and bummed a few drags while he finished his conversation but the guy just took off!
When I turned around they were half way down the block yelling and cursing at each other and my friend managed to tackle him down.
I caught up to them and tried to yank my phone from his hand but dude had a good grip on it. He weaseled his way out from underneath my friend and he just started swinging at me. I lost my buzz because of the adrenaline and the 2 gut punches i just received, damn near vomited.
At this point there was a crowd but the guy wouldn't give me my phone. We tried negotiating with him but no luck. I remember getting super pissed because my phone was ringing and it was my coworker calling. And I swung at the guy and dropped him with that punch.
Stupidest thing I could've done because 1) he fell with my phone and shattered it. 2) The cops saw me and I got slapped with handcuffs. I got printed, mug shot the whole deal.
For some reason my friend got arrested as well and swers that I was making a huge commotion at the station. Like a kid throwing a fit. I don't remember any this but what I do remember is being in a overnight cell tightly handcuffed to a hand rail.
I woke up with a nasty urge to vomit but I couldn't move and I was yelling "please uncuff me I gotta throw up!!" This went on for about a min with officers laughing at me but when I started burping and making the vomit noises they were like "quick get the keys!"
Well, they didn't make it on time and I vomited all over the floor, my shoes, and the officers shoes. Last thing I remember hearing before falling back asleep was "you son a bitch"
Tl;dr
Honestly, the title :)
I'm on mobile. Apologize if the post is bad
xxDooomedxx: Ahhh. Good times!
PutTypical5456: I'd do it all over again lol.
xxDooomedxx: Dude you've been left with an awesome story. Worth it!
| 4 | 13.5 | |
1656471857 | 1656473174 | t3_vn5az3 | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by bending my phone
[deleted]
Trouble_in_Mind: End of November 2021? Bro that's only 7 months ago, not a year and a half...
Glad it still works though. Sorry you've been going through stuff, hope you've got someone you can talk to or seek help from.
Cookodjenkins: Yeah typo, I meant 2020 lol. Thank you
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1656472029 | 1656510965 | t3_vn5d28 | t5_2to41 | 7 | mincer420: TIFU by getting mad at work and breaking 3 of my right hand fingers.
I work at a telecom company as customer care in the technical support. I kept getting increasingly more and more annoying customers. And then on the last one who was drunk as all hell kept wasting time by being sarcastic and refused to go along with the call so i could help him, i lost my shit, threw my headphones at the desk and then hit the desk with my fist. That is where i really fucked up. I was so mad i couldn't control myself, and hit the desk with my pinky and ring fingers' knuckles, which is the worst way you could throw a punch. Thankfully my supervisors weren't around since it was a late shift and they leave earlier than our late shifts so they didn't have to witness my stupid ass behavior. i had to leave because at first i wasn't even sure if i broke anything, i even took one of my brakes and went to smoke outside. The pain settled in a little later so i jumped in my car and had to drive myself to the emergency hospital (i drive a manual, for the US ppl in here) with only my left arm because it hurt like hell when i applied pressure on it.
Im super disappointed and mad at myself for doing this to myself and also making a fool of myself in front of my colleagues. I was two days away from paid leave and i just had a CPU cooler finally arrive and i was gonna have so much fun playing games with the boys. I have to now stay possibly more than a month with a gypsum ( if that's even the right word), be unable to play anything at all, have to use the mouse with my left hand, wasted my paid leave and i might as well get fired. I hate me.
TL;DR I got mad at a customer, hit my desk the wrong way and ended up breaking my middle, ring and pinky fingers towards the side of the wrist.
Anxiety-Tough: Man learn to grow some skin dude, customer service jobs require this, cant go getting mad. Word of advise, in the worst case scenario just hang up, thats what i did with annoying customers, which is way better than acting aggressively and hurting yourself, which looks really bad on you.
Sunbro_413: I'm guessing you have not worked long in a call center.
Most call centers have a way to track when you hang up. Not to mention that person is just going to call back; so best case scenario you're still making yourself look bad and making the job harder for your co-workers because hanging up on someone annoying only makes them pissed. Worst case scenario you get the same person later that day. You think it won't happen but it does.
Anxiety-Tough: I have and just one call tracked does not look that bad specially if the client is an ass, its justified. Looks kinda bad but its not a HoC, just affects quality. Also 1 callback doesnt bring affect you much if you have good metrics and parameters. All in all, both scenarios are better than slamming your hand in the workplace and breaking some fingers. That would be like instant termination in some call centers, if noticed by a superior.
Sunbro_413: Not at all. I've spent years between 4 different call centers. Reprimanded? Yes. Forced to leave rest of that day, yes. Strongly suggested to go to therapy, probably. But they likely won't terminate you on the spot unless it's a repeat issue.
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1656472234 | 1656529276 | t3_vn5fk7 | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU By Maybe Giving My Sunday School Teacher Pink Eye
[deleted]
ImperialHedonism: How old are you?
Madmahi25: I need to know what it was about 😭😂
ImperialHedonism: Dude was in bible camp and had a teacher he didn’t like chaperone. He went to the cabin early and saw the teachers bag of pistachios, so decided to fart into it. Next day, or whenever the teacher wasn’t at church class and it was because he had pinkeye.
OP was asking if the police can trace his fart back to him.
Madmahi25: Bruh wtf 🤣 this is hilariously stupid
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1656473826 | 1656475586 | t3_vn5y4z | t5_2to41 | 46 | jabbole: TIFU by playing around with a fire extinguisher
Well this didn’t happen today, but years ago. I was at home and my dad had gone to an event (my mom was working as well)
Before my dad had left though, he told me how to use the fire extinguisher in the cabinet that was in the kitchen, in case I had to put out a fire. After he left, my curiosity, along with my lack of common sense at the time, ended up getting the better of me, and I decided to see how it worked.
I took the extinguisher to my bathroom and for some reason I decided to squeeze the nozzle into the toilet, and the first few times, it worked. I did it a few more times, but after a couple, the dust stopped coming out of the nozzle. I squeezed it more each time I tried to get more out, and after one hard squeeze, the nozzle comes off the extinguisher, layering the entire bathroom in dust.
I panic and run out the bathroom and call my dad, telling him I had to use the extinguisher, and sent dust everywhere in the process. He told me not to panic, but instead to open every window in the home. I started cleaning it up, and when both of my parents got home and asked me what happened, instead of saying I was just fucking around with the extinguisher, I came up with a still mostly equally dumb lie and said I had my charger plugged in the bathroom socket and it shorted and caught on fire.
We had to start cleaning items out of our rooms for the next couple of days because of the dust flying to other parts of the home, but they still don’t know that I was just being a dumbass. Just a fond memory that comes up from time to time.
TL;DR: played around with a fire extinguisher and layered my bathroom in dust because of it
ScarTheGoth: Lmao oh my gosh. That’s actually not a bad lie
jabbole: Well they still gave me shit for having electronics near a water source but it was a lot better of an explanation than the real reason that happened
ScarTheGoth: Yeah. I embarrassed myself by forgetting to put water in microwave noodles and I burnt the crap out of them. No excuse could mask the burnt noodle smell in my basement.
Routine-Border-1738: Lmao
| 5 | 9.2 | |
1656474261 | 1656715362 | t3_vn639q | t5_2to41 | 2,420 | NeeYoDeeO: TIFU by reading a werewolf porno fanfic facebook ad
I (18F) was scrolling through Facebook as you do, and I saw a super long ad and after reading the preview sentences I realized it was a romance flick. It was a poorly written story about a girl and her cheating, abusive werewolf husband. I (stupidly) decided to continue reading because I was intrigued and wanted to see how crazy it would get. It was pretty funny but it’s not something I would continue reading. Yet, this was the beginning of the end for my Facebook scrolling experience. Now after reading this entire ad Facebook had decided I am an avid werewolf porno reader and no less than every ad I get is now a porno furry/wolf/omega-verse fanfic accompanied by explicit images related to the subject matter, as well as other ads that are equally NSFW. Now, regardless of how many times I click hide or do not show more ads from this advertiser, i eventually see a NSFW fanfic right next to a picture of grandma.
tl;dr = clicked on one werewolf porn story and now Facebook won’t stop showing me werewolf porn stories
MuskyLion: The algorithm has you now. She'll never let you go.
OmiNya: Do we have an R34 for Algorithm-chan?
rainbowpubes111: Its probably something with tentacles
Zorkdork: Even worse, it's the guy from the new space jam movie.
Frosty_Is_A_Commie: Do you mean Don Cheadle?
Zorkdork: Yeah, his character. Al G Rhythm or something like that.
| 7 | 345.714286 | |
1656475489 | 1656476882 | t3_vn6hoe | t5_2to41 | 6 | AppearanceNo1758: TIFU by leaving my almost sister alone by a deep lake edge and letting her fall...
Today we went to a lake with me(F15), my brother C(M17), my Brother Z(21), my dad, his gf, and my dads gfs Daughter E(3) and her son(M13).
The lake water was really murky and you could only see a few feet underneath but there shouldnt be any animals because even acclimated or whatever to the water your freezing. My brothers were in there for atleast an hour(probaly longer, before i came down i feel asleep in the car with my dad), the lake also has a few rocks at the front near the spot i was sitting. I have a fear of water and only got fully submerged once and quickly got out and sat on the ledge because for one it was cold(like freezing cold) and for two Im terrified of Oceans, lakes, ponds, etc but didnt want to ruin anything for anyone else. But there is a circle of rocks and inside the circle is about 2 or so feet radius of sand about 4 or so feet deep. E was sitting o. The ledge next to me about 5 minutes after we just got done playing. She was squatting and picking the leafs and such out of the water, but it was a couple of inches. I forgot to mention above but E, and my dads gf dont speak english, my dads gf is learning but still not fluent and we mainly use a translator app.
M was sitting on a rock bc both he and his mom didnt want to get in. His mom was talking to my brothers and videoing them. I didnt want to leave E un attended because when i sat her on her butt so she wasnt crouching she tried to move and i didnt know how to tell her to stay. I held my hand out to M and smiled asking if he could put it on the rock next to him because it was overheating and wouldnt turn on and i needed to text my dad making sure was all okay(he was hungry bexause we were far from the city and there were no resturants and he had a horrible headache and were staying at a B&B and he took the bed that feels like your sleeping on a rock, so because of all this he was very tired and stayed in the car to sleep) i thought E would be fine because i asked her to stay in my spenglish and she seemed to understand. As i turned i could see her out of the corner of my eye so when she stood up and faced the way i was i assumed she was going to go to her mother or brother. But then i sneezed. It happened so fast, M had grabbed my phone and i turned back and i saw it. I saw something that makes me shake just thinking about it. I saw her reach for a little grass thing floating in the water. She is three and unable to swim. I paniced becuase the ice cold water splashed over me, sending chills down my spine and the girl i love like a sister was now fully submerged under the water near a sharp rock, unable to swim and i couldnt see her. I didnt know what to do but i acted in second. I didnt care if M had my phone and short combo i let go and hurrjed to step on the rock but since i couldnt see her i pushed my foot against the side of the rock and as i slid it down toe first to avoid the risk of stepping on her i managed to pull her out in less than the time for my brother to swim 2 feet and anyone around to notice what really happened. I was shaking so bad and pulled her so close. Ignoring all my fears and ignoring how insecure i was in my bathing suit and ignoring how freezing i was i climbed out and only then noticed the blood and only then felt the stinging. I felt horble so i just stuck my foot back in the water and tried not to cry, E's mother was there by now and hugging her and i felt so bad. It was my fault. I was trusted to watch her and i looked away and just writing this i feel so guilting. Because i was on the verge of tears i wasnt able to tell anyone what happened and could only apoligize to her mother. I know it was my fault but im terrified her mother will be upset with me because my dads gf is like an angel on earth, not to her kids but what mother is. She treats me like her own but so amazing and she does my hair and brushes my brother and scratches there heads when they ask me too and is just perfect in more ways than one. There was another time i was irresponsible and went to grab her hand causing her to almost run in traffic. I just feel horrible and want to ask her mom to not trust me because she shouldnt. E could have died because i was irresponsible. I was stupid enough to expect a 3 year old to understand my horrible accent and am just trying not to cry. E is laying in her mothers bed right now and i hsve my own room since im the only girl but im just terrified my dads gf is gonna hate me, at the same time i also feel such guilt when she thanks me for saving her even though i put her in danger. I dont know what to do and used an old account to anonymously post this.
TL;DR
lecherro: Everyone makes mistakes. Since you reacted am's she didn't get hurt, maybe a scratch if i read correctly, i think you reacted in a great way. Nobody and i mean NOBODY can keep an eye out for everything all the time. You set aside your fears and did a brave thing. I have a feeling they feel as guilty as you because as you felt, they weren't there... Don't be so hard on yourself. This could have turnt out much worse if you weren't there and paying attention. If it really bothers you you should tell your dads gf how bad you feel, I'm willing to bet she's already forgiven you.
AppearanceNo1758: This makes me feel so much better. I really appreciate it.
AppearanceNo1758: And she has a sctratch on her leg. I sliced my toe up pretty bad but definitely dont think i deserve it as much anymore adter reading your comment thank you
lecherro: All's good.
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1656480756 | 1656518504 | t3_vn823s | t5_2to41 | 5 | kcur42: TIFU by bumping my car door into another dudes car in front of him
I was having a rough, spatially unaware day. I went to the bank to pick up quarters for laundry. When I came out, I hopped into my car, but I guess I overestimated the space between my car and the next, cause I bumped the dudes car. It made a little sound.
I looked at him and awkwardly shook my head and mouthed “I’m sorry dude”
I proceeded to pretend to look at my phone in hopes that the interaction was over.
Then comes the dude, towering over me (angrily), knocking on my window saying “you just scratched my car, give me your insurance”
over a minor door ding. neither of us had nice cars.
I was like dude I am so sorry. Can you show me where the scratch is. He kinda looked a little bit, and was pointing at something. But his car was dirty, anything could have been dirt or a scratch. I honestly saw nothing.
I was like “buddy, I can give you $10. that’s all I have”
he says “whatever, I forgive you anyways” and just walks away
I proceeded to cry in my car because it’s fucking scary when men are angry. thank god he had a change of heart.
TLDR; I BARELY dinged a dudes car and he was going to make a big deal out of it but randomly decided to let it go.
CorrosiveAlkonost: Look here, ma'am. You, in your words "barely" dinged the other guy's car. And then you refused to give a proper apology or own up to your actions.
I can see why he was so angry— it's NOT because you dinged his car, it's your lack of sincerity or responsibility.
kcur42: I’m not going to do more than say “I’m sorry” if he doesn’t ask me to do more?? what is the logic here
the guy clearly realized that there wasn’t a scratch and took off.
what would a proper apology or owning up to my actions even mean? should I have bought him a pony?
uncannylilbastard: >Then comes the dude, towering over me (angrily), knocking on my window saying “you just scratched my car, give me your insurance”
But he did.
kcur42: and then as soon as we examined the car for the scratch, he took off. any reasonable car owner is going to look at the damage themselves and take pictures before handing out their insurance.
| 5 | 1 | |
1656482313 | 1656524478 | t3_vn8hld | t5_2to41 | 10,404 | mamaneed-espresso: TIFU by giving a distressed stranger a ride
(F30) I’ll preface this by saying I know I put myself in this situation with my stupidity. My desperation to be a helping hand to anyone and everyone has bit me in the ass so many times and could have easily fucked me this time. So l agree with ever who is about to call me an idiot.
TIFU about 3 hours ago, I was out at gas station about 3 min from my house getting snacks and drinks for the fam, when I saw a beautiful well dressed woman in tears talking to the cashier. She was begging to use a phone, saying she didn’t know where she was. When I got to the front she saw me and asked if I had a phone she could borrow - she looked so scared and lost - so I said sure.
I let her make a call as I finished paying and was about to leave, and she followed me out. She told me how she was from the south side of town and came up north with some friends, the friends and her had a fight in the car and she got out and walked. They left her there and drove away with her phone.
She said she needed to find a bus stop but had no idea which buses to take and could look up bus routes without a phone. I offered to look the route up and write it down, but she was like “hey! Can I pay you to take me the closest bus station?”
I looked up the bus station and she was like “that’s right by where I live! If I paid you extra could you take me home?”
I hesitated, but as I said, this woman was well dressed, well made up, nice purse and shoes, gorgeous and about my age so I’m thinking to myself “what’s the harm? I’ve been stranded before and it sucks, might as well get her home safe, besides it’s like a 20-25 min drive max”
So I agreed
We set out and she gives me the address to go to. The whole time we’re riding we’re talking, laughing, telling stories ect. At one point she asks if she can put on the next song, so I agree. She takes my phone and starts playing DJ. She sets the phone on her lap instead of putting it back in the cup holde. Now I couldn’t see the directions. I had to keep asking where the exits were and how much further till the next turn.
Eventually she navigates me off the highway and says we’re close. I told her my phone was gonna die soon if we kept the music and maps on and that I had no charger in the car. she’s like “it’s fine, you can take one of my chargers at the house.” But she kept my phone in her lap and kept the music on.
Then, all chit chat and small talk dies off and she’s answering things in one word responses. I’m thinking that she’s just l looking around for our turn into her neighborhood but the problem came when I saw the street name I’d typed in coming up. I said “oh, here’s -redacted - street” and she says “yea go straight.”
So we pass the street we were supposed to go to and I realize my phone had just died and was sitting in her lap still. I start to get VERY nervous. I realize we were going in wide circles -right turn after right tur - that are leading further and further from the highway. I’m getting lost.
She breaks the silence and says “we’re like two minutes away, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this. How blessed I am that you came to my rescue. We’re gonna hang out and have a good time before you head back” I said that I actually wouldn’t have that kind of time. She didn’t respond.
Nothing about the way she said that felt right. she made this little giggle and stared out the window. More silence.
A little further down the road and I see her pull a beer from her bag and crack it open. I said “seriously?”
She said “it’s y fine it’s fine I’ll chug it, no problem” I fumed silently praying for her turn to come up like NOW.
I see a gas station and notice I’m almost on E, so I pull in and say “hey I wasn’t planning on being out this long, and if I don’t head back right now I’ll miss my kiddo’s bedtime. I really like to be there for reading before bed.”
She’s like “no problems, I’m just a bit further down after you get your gas.”
I tell her “you said it was two minutes away about a minute ago, so I figure this is close enough to walk”
That’s when the mood switched - suddenly it’s all “I can’t pay you here when my cash is at the house tho! Girl look at that intersection, there’s no sidewalk! I’m gonna get hit by a car! It’s literally on your way back to the highway, you can just drop me at the neighborhood entrance it’s fine! Come on, please?”
I tried to stand firm like “no my family is waiting on me and I’ve been gone for like 40 min. And you’d said you were only 20-25 min out. I gotta go.”suddenly it struck me, we weren’t anywhere near the bus station we originally discussed. Not even close.
So she started to get upset and used a tone in her voice that said there would be problems if I didn’t take her “just a little further” and good lord I DID NOT want any beef.
I turned the car on, smiled and said “oh ok hun, just a little further… oh shoot wait, you still need a lighter?” She had been begging for one the whole drive. I said “let me kick you a couple bucks to grab one for us since we’re stopped anyways. I’ll pump some gas while you do.”
Her tone immediately went back to bright and chipper as she said “omg really?? Thanks! I’m gonna make this SO SO worth your while. Be back in a sec!” She sets down my phone, takes the dollars, and flits across the parking lot to the store.
The second the door closed behind her I locked the car, threw it in drive, and took off. I drove toward where I thought the freeway was and had to stop at another gas station to grab a charger.
I powered it up and looked at the map, took stock of where I was, where the bus station was, where the address we were supposed to headed was, and realized without a doubt she was lying. Probably about every thing. I can’t be sure if she was aiming to do something nefarious or was just lying so I’d take her further than I originally agreed to, but I learned my lesson. Trust no one.
TLDR: picked up a young woman in neeed of “help”, let her navigate, and ended up twice as far from home as I’d agreed to with massive “stranger danger “ vibes.
Edit: I realize at SO many points during this I should have stopped and tell her no, get out. I know I shouldn’t have agreed in the first place.
Pumpkin-Salty: Check Venmo, cashapp etc on your phone. You don't know what she's accessed.
mamaneed-espresso: Oh hell. Whole other kind of chill just ran down me thinking about that. So she was playing music on YouTube and I don’t have premium so evey time the music turned off I asked for my phone back for to watch the directions, and I have no passwords auto saved on any apps so everything password every time. I hope that was enough but I’m scared now there’s a program secretly tracking my phone that she got on there without exiting YouTube. I’m
Gonna have to drown the phone.
It’s not even paid off
juan_epstein-barr: lol I promise you there's no way that tweeker bugged your phone in any way.
mamaneed-espresso: She didn’t seem like one!
juan_epstein-barr: The way you described her reminds me of a high-functioning meth user. Sounds like she was having some kind of manic episode on top of that.
-Agonarch: It sounds like she was trying to direct ~~him~~ her into a robbery or a carjacking to me.
spaceman_spyff: *her
OP is (30F)
-Agonarch: Thanks for that, I honestly thought I'd read it was the perspective of a him somewhere, my bad.
genmischief: Well, its pretty common for men to get targeted with this kind of process. But, the appear to ethos is also effective with woman to woman crime.
Let's be real, do you really think most women who go missing just happily crawled into a windowless van with a 6'4" linebacker? Often times there is a bait person who is appealing to their victim, an approachable young woman in need or a child in need.
I'm glad OP didn't wind up as the next [Lauren Spierer](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disappearance_of_Lauren_Spierer). :(
CazRaX: Yeah, women are just as vulnerable to the "damsel in distress" routine as men are for slightly different reasons.
Muted_Caterpillar13: I know I was several decades ago. It took me quite a few trips to "nowhere" to learn my lesson.
| 12 | 867 | |
1656484605 | 1656536689 | t3_vn941b | t5_2to41 | 12,820 | paleontologist3: TIFU by thinking I didn’t have a clit
[removed]
nakedmillennial: those wattpad stories made me think I couldn't orgasm bc i never felt those damn electric shocks
Vathar: Whoever came with that shitty analogy should really experience what an electric shock feels like. Grew up around horses and electric fences, shocked myself a fair few times and there's (thankfully) a big difference.
aCasualReddittor: my balls got shocked last year
GwamCwacka: Go on...
aCasualReddittor: i was playing basketball with a friend. I didn't hit the plate thingy and it went over the fence. i was trying to grab it and well...
ZonJon: The plate thingy… you mean the backboard?
aCasualReddittor: yeah I'm sorry I'm Austrian haha
LexMelkan: Hitler has been dead for over 75 years, I'm sure you don't need to be sorry anymore
aCasualReddittor: i didn't mean it like that ffs
squarebacksteve: Oh so you're saying Hitler did nothing to be sorry about?
aCasualReddittor: i didn't mean that either. I was talking about my bad english (plate thingy = backboard)
squarebacksteve: I'm sorry, this joke has gone too far. Let's end it here.
As soon as you apologize for Hitler.
aCasualReddittor: hitler was a fucking psychopath. i visited Mauthausen last week. This shit scared me.
| 14 | 915.714286 | |
1656486812 | 1656487909 | t3_vn9p1h | t5_2to41 | 10 | ausmankpopfan: TIFU by ringing my dad to say happy Father's day because everyone on Reddit was making happy Father's day posts
So the obligatory this happened to me on the recent United States Father's Day that just happened.
Me an Australian who works 50 hours a week and sometimes struggles to keep up with dates a little bit was sitting here a little bit stoned and cruising Reddit when I noticed a large number of Happy Father's Day Posts .
Of course I shit myself thinking I had stuffed up so I quickly called my dad said hello and Happy Father's Day.
To which I received a puzzled what did you say.
It was at that moment that I went oh no not again and realised that I an Australian had been done by the date difference for our Father's Day compared to the US and most of the rest of the world
so I made smalltalk for the next 10 minutes said goodbye and felt like a real idiot
TL DR thought it was father's day in Australia but no in us and everywhere else called wished happy Father's day felt stupid
LegendOmegaX: Atleast your dad appreciates that you called him up, albeit being a little confused too.
ausmankpopfan: Yes still felt very stupid :)
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1656497651 | 1656508840 | t3_vncclz | t5_2to41 | 13 | AneeshMamgai: TIFU by asking my female best friend on a date.
Moreover she was also my crush's best friend. (Danger triangle here)
Let my crush be person 'A' and she (our mutual best friend) be 'B'.
Ok, long story short.
Know a girl, super perfect asks her on a date, she says yes then just 6 hrs before the date she says no. Explains me how she is fed up of relationship etc etc. Saying dating is a big time waste.
Covid hits up, after reopening she agrees, we spend some quality time together. Everyone knows about us, the whole university!
Now 'B' use to help me, give me advice regarding her etc etc. Eventually 'A' says no it can't happen, she likes me as a friend. Literally cry myself to sleep for 1 month. Eventually I mentally move on.
Now at this point 'A' and me are super close like she stayed at my house, met my family; I meet her's good bonding overall.
Still I became a simp gifted her big flower bouquet at her house on her birthday. Did the same when it was last day off our college. Helped her a lot!
Later I got to know that she liked someone else that's why she friendzoned me.
In between this time I and her friend 'B' interacted a lot (by lot I mean a lot!) and I realised she is 100x better that my crush 'A'. I also helped her a lot and she also did the same for me.
After graduation today I told "A" imma ask her (& our mutual) friend ''B" on a date. She says OK but make it cool cause it will seem that I kept her (B) as second option.
Asked "B" on a date; she's devasted, suprised asf. Tone of talking changes, she starts saying thing like "I have a bf" (keep in mind she don't have one she told me that when we use to late night talks) and other stuff.
Now "A" texts me that I looks like the guy which runs after a girls like a f simp.
I panic and tell "B" that I was joking she's isn't obv fooled; and that's how I lost my #Female best friend.
TL;DR:
After a girl, spend good time with her eventually she says no; be a simp for her. Help her with her assignment and all the stuff possible. She and I has a mutual best friend who's lot better than her. Her friend (our mutual friend) and I starts interacting a lot!
Move on to her best friend who says no and they both starts thinking that I'm the type of guy who "runs" after girls.
So I lost one of the my most supportive female best friend.
twotall88: There's nothing quite like the emotions and dating life of people with the mentality of a 12 year old.
AneeshMamgai: I mean I am at fault i know that :(
twotall88: I'm not saying you're at fault, I'm saying it's dumb that you're wrapped up around this and sound to be in your late teens to early twenties.
AneeshMamgai: Yes I am 21 yrs old currently...
(You mean like I shouldn't care right??)
weebeardedman: You should care, just not about whether you're currently dating them. Treat them like people, not winnable endeavors - which is what your behavior has led them to believe you're doing.
>literally cry myself to sleep for a month
That's the biggest sign of the issue, you're not satisfied with just being friends with a girl, it's date or nothing - and you dont know how to let go/be "cool" about it to begin with. Fix that. Until you can legitimately put other people's needs/wants above your own, they'll always see right through it.
AneeshMamgai: I have quite a few female friends.... (that probably are more close than these 2 i can say) but they are friends, nothing more.
And wow the last line i fully agree on. It's the thing i was overlooking! Fully agreed.
weebeardedman: >I have quite a few female friends.... (that probably are more close than these 2 i can say) but they are friends, nothing more.
Honestly, good - and that (you treating them like a legitimate friend) is probably why they are closer.
Beyond all that, though, I think it's important to remember that when you find someone who truly "clicks" with you, everything about your relationship will be effortless - as to say spending more and more time together should *never* feel like pulling teeth - on both ends. If you're having to put effort to get someone to agree to go out with you, you're already doing it wrong.
With my now wife, it was so obvious that the relationship was "different." It went from "what can I do to make you happy" to "I can literally just pick what my choice would be in this situation and 100% of the time it'd be your choice too." Our issues were no longer "let's figure out how to do both of the things we like" but "how do we fit all the things we want to do together into our limited time?"
Edit: TL;DR anyone who suggests "love is sacrifice/hard work" is in a shitty relationship
AneeshMamgai: Trueeee absolutely; couldn't agree much and take my helpful award!
Thankssss
weebeardedman: Really, your being open to criticism is more impressive than anything I said. I really do wish you the best, and recognizing these things at such a young age puts you way ahead of me :P
AneeshMamgai: Ohh thanks about that.
Much appreciated, and thanks for helping me. (I acted immature that's why the consequence)
Thing done can't be undone now.
I was little down but seeing the support here was good.
Back to work now.
Thanks again kind stranger!
| 11 | 1.181818 | |
1656499556 | 1656607704 | t3_vncutx | t5_2to41 | 67,358 | temptifuacc: TIFU by buying a life size sex doll
Obligatory, I bought it 3 days ago… but I just got it today.
So… I have considered getting a doll before because ya know… it’s tits and ass on demand. I justified it by saying it’ll save me time from having to go out and get girls IRL blah blah. And also I kinda thought it’d provide some company while I’m home alone lol.
I was looking at these $3,000 dolls and almost made the purchase but found a cheaper one for just around $1k. I couldn’t justify spending $3k knowing that there would be a high chance I’d regret it.
It came in a big box, I hauled it into my bedroom, it ways about 30kg.. I underestimated just how much that weighs. So I sliced open the box and started removing the packaging and I could see it’s little fucking toes poking out and I was like… oh shit… here we go. Kept removing the packaging and of course I grabbed the tits as soon as I saw them. They’re okay, but nothing like the real thing ofc.
I pulled the cold corpse of a doll out of its box… it didn’t have its head screwed on.. so I unwrapped the head, plonked that on.. and it’s a half decent looking thing. Better than I was expecting tbh. I wasted no time sticking the electric warming stick up it’s pussy, waited a few minutes, dumped it on the bed and.. well, we had a play.
Ngl… it’s better than a hand or pocket pussy but believe me, once you “finish”… you now have to wrestle it’s cold body, clean what needs to be cleaned (in this case I unscrewed it’s head and basically force fed it water in the sink lol). I hadn’t yet thought… where tf do I store this thing. It’s about 160cm tall… so I plonked it in my closet on a cabinet wrapped it in a blanket and Jesus Christ.. it looks like a corpse.. literally. I now have to walk in there every day to be greeted by a cold wrapped up corpse when I need to grab some clothes. The heck do I do with it, it’s corpse or bye bye $1k.
tl;dr: If you aren’t actually THAT lonely and only getting a sex doll “out of curiosity”, there is a very big chance you’ll regret it.
warwolfv07: Post nut clarity is so real in this one.
Angdrambor: >I couldn’t justify spending $3k knowing that there would be a high chance I’d regret it.
Even the pre-nut clarity was almost there.
SkollFenrirson: $1k was kosher though
Rebresker: Eh I’ve spent more than $1k on things I regret I feel like $1k or less is a good threshold of regret for a single man with a decent salary
Rent_A_Cloud: Dude... The most expensive thing that I bought and regretted in 35 years on this pile of dirt was 1200 dollars. It was a car that cost me another 2000 dollars in repairs in 1 year...
How do you throw away 1k nevermind 3k on a sex doll?! Just wank, you crazy people!
Rebresker: Lol I’ve spent more than that on remote control cars.
I worked hard to be able to waste my money buying all the cool crap I never had as a kid damnit
Rent_A_Cloud: I have a friend who has thousands of dollars worth of action figures. Good for him (and you, assuming you don't regret the RC cars) but instead of stuff like that I bought a house in the middle of nowhere a few yours ago (had to lay in 15k myself to get a mortgage), I didn't have the income for both unfortunately.
Although I really want to buy a new contra bass down the line, for now I have had other priorities so I keep to relatively cheap hobbies.
.... I have been tempted for years to buy RC helicopters, maybe next year haha
Rebresker: Woot I also bought two houses in the middle of nowhere
One for $80k in rural NC that would prob be like $400k near any city and one in Iowa for $5k on a huge patch of land. I live in the one in NC
I mostly work from home anyway.
The iowa thing was because there were tax liens and it went up for auction and well it’s in a fairly remote town but said remote town has fiber internet so maybe one day lol. Fuck it I don’t want to work forever
I’m prob fucked in either case if I have to go to a hospital but meh
Rent_A_Cloud: Just don't get sick haha.
My house was 65k in rural Sweden, it already had fiber, connected to centralized water and ugly but in decent condition.
Further up north in Sweden you can buy a house with 100 hectares for the same price.. People are dead set on living in or near a city and fail to realize that living in the middle of nowhere leaves you with more even if you earn less.
Rebresker: Yeah the only thing is idk how big Sweden is or how the cities are distributed but if you don’t work remotely in NC I’m like 100 miles from the closest city in Iowa it’s like 140 miles.
Edit: I imagine though it’s about the same in that Sweden is the same size as California
Rent_A_Cloud: I live 25 minutes from a village, 40 minutes from a town and about 2 hours from a city. The town has a hospital.
Up north tho, you can be completely isolated. You'll have 100 hectares but will live hours from the first town and in the winter have a high chance to be isolated due to weather.
It's the reason I didn't want to go that far north, that and the 4 month day 4 month night thing...
Rebresker: That sounds about the same to me lol with up north being my plan C escape plan to rural Alaska (I used to travel and work out of some of the airports in Alaska) they practically pay you to live in some of those areas and the work that is available pays very well if you know people.
Anyhow anytime I tell people rural living is the good life they scoff at me. I bet it’s the same there too.
Rent_A_Cloud: Some people scoff, others want it too but fear not finding a job or the isolation.
I personally think the north of Sweden would be WAY too isolated for my liking. I like being able to drive to a city for a concert or stuff like that.
I think I found the sweat spot now. Closest neighbour 500 meters so I can blast music day and night, closest shop 20-25 min drive, welding job 15 min drive. I might move to another location at some point, but this is pretty damn decent!
Rebresker: Nice yeah. Out in Iowa where I might move most of the people there are involved in labor intensive jobs that require traveling on-site like building bridges. Real salt of the earth types so to speak. So they don’t mind living rurally because they have to drive or fly all over the country and work pays for it anyway. In my case I can work from home as long as the internet connection is good and reliable.
Rent_A_Cloud: I think an exodus from cities in combination with remote work should be the future if we want to increase quality of life in the west.
Now that corona has proven it's viability i wonder how long before that gets permanent implementation
The price of living in and around cities is absurd.
Rebresker: In the US the problem now is after pushing remote a lot of firms are going back on it and demanding people come back to the office at least on a hybrid basis.
There is a lot of expensive office space in the cities going to waste afterall
Rent_A_Cloud: Yeah, a classic example of capitalism stopping progress.. It's the same in Europe.
| 18 | 3,742.111111 | |
1656475959 | 1656503301 | t3_vn6my0 | t5_2to41 | 4 | pnv28: TIFU by just not doing SAT
So here is a bit of context, I (15M) am supposed to do SAT practices for my upcoming test in August. Turns out I hate SAT. When my elder brother was at home, I practised every day because at the end of the day he used to check it. But now he went back to his university.
After that every single time when my Mother asked me if I am doing it, I always responded yes. Most of the time I was doing it when she asked. But there were some days I did not do it and still said yes. This was when I FU.
Yesterday my dad checked my SAT progress in front of my mother and at this moment I knew I was a goner. He opened up khan academy and saw the dates I did and showed it to my mum. I could tell both of them were very disappointed but not only that I could also tell my mum was very mad. She scolded me for about an hour before sending me to bed.
It was at that moment that my mum and dad stopped trusting me. Well from today I will do my practices daily for sure and hope my parents forgive me.
&#x200B;
TL;DR : I did not do my Sat practices and was old I did every time I was asked. Later my Dad checked my progress and the truth came out.
Garrison1999: Not that big of a deal, your parents just want you to do well so that you'll get a scholarship to college. They might not be able to afford school without one. Just study now.
pnv28: Ik that but, it's really hard for me to concentrate. Whenever I try I just distracted.
Garrison1999: Yeah it is super boring and not very stimulating content. No one finds studying for standardized tests pleasant or easy. It's supposed to be difficult. You just have to find a way that works for you. Study outside? Inside? In the dark? When it's bright? To silence? To white noise? With headphones? With a speaker? To lofi hip hop? To metallica? In a comfortable chair? Alone? With a friend? In an uncomfortable chair? At a coffee shop? At the library? At a table? On the couch? With a laptop? With a book? With a notebook? Personally opening up my notebook and scribbling continuously helps me stay focused. Try different ways and find one that works.
pnv28: Thx for the advice, will try different ways to study
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1656502870 | 1656505643 | t3_vndrwf | t5_2to41 | -4 | yellgames01: TIFU by not changing my home screen picture before starting my first shift at my new job.
So today was the first day of my new job, and Because it’s a big company, there’s a lot to organise before you start work there, as in I needed to make a bunch of accounts for things, and I needed to download a bunch of apps for the job.
So I get there, and they give me a quick rundown of things, but somehow I missed one of the emails that told me to download yet another app, so the guy had to help me get that app and set up my account real quick.
So anyway, he of course was looking at my phone while helping me so that he knew how to help, and so because I didn’t know what I was doing obviously, he had to kind of take over so we could quickly get it done, so he was just getting that app set up for me, and I figured he wouldn’t need to open another app or close that app or anything, so I was pretty sure it was all good right??
Well it turns out, he needed to link my account on that app to another app, so because it’s an apple phone, he swiped up which closes the app so that he could go and open the other app, and now I wouldn’t mind this at all generally, I mean he literally did nothing wrong, he was just setting my phone up, so it was ready for work, however, if he had of known that I had an NSFW picture as my home screen, then perhaps he would have reconsidered doing that.
So I gotta add this detail, I don’t want to give you too much information or anything, but if I don’t add this part, then it won’t be as good of a story, so basically, if the NSFW picture was just your casual NSFW pic that you may be picturing, then it might not be too bad, maybe a little awkward, but it can be something to giggle at for sure, but I’m a guy who umm, who likes umm, well I don’t mind transwomen and femboys, so my home screen is a cartoon of a gem boy, and that gem boy is wearing such a small bikini, that you can basically see everything and they’re technically naked.
Now I’m not totally stupid, before I left to go to work, I knew that there was a chance that someone might look at my phone at some point, so I changed my lock screen, as it also had a cartoon femboy on it, but I thought surely my home screen is all good, so I decided not to change it, yet somehow someone managed to see the picture.
So if you’re wondering, he did only get a split second to see it as I pulled the phone closer to me, so there’s a chance he didn’t see it, but it was awkward after that, as another guy had to step in and help as the first guy had to take an order, so this guy said “ok now open the other app” while looking at my phone, and I’m just kinda not doing it aha, until I just confess and say “alright but.. my home screen picture is kind of.. not good” and he’s like “ah ok no problem” and looked away aha. Anyway that’s it lol.
I’ll link the home screen picture in the comments for anyone wanting to see the extremely NSFW picture, as like I said, I think the story is better with more context of what the picture was like.
TL:DR, First day of my new job, managers were helping me set up some work apps for my phone, and one sort of saw my home screen picture and it was a very NSFW image of a cartoon femboy.
yellgames01: The picture: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemboysAndHentai/comments/vndvbg/for_a_tifu_post/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
pyro57: And this is why we don't put nsfw pics as wallpapers.... Ever... Like why have that as a wallpaper? Just a really bad move in general tbh
And you said you had another one as a lock screen? Bruh do you have like a fetish for people seeing what your into on your phone? Don't set nsfw stuff as wallpapers. Ever. It's super dumb.
yellgames01: Nope, no fetish like that, whenever I’m out my phone practically never leaves my pocket, and if it does I make sure no one can see the lock screen, and yes, now that I’m in an environment where it’s easier for people to be seeing my phone, I won’t be using any NSFW pictures any more.
| 4 | -1 | |
1656504417 | 1656511185 | t3_vne8xi | t5_2to41 | 47 | fr3d0226: TIFU by sending the word "PENIS" to my HR Director on the company chat
My HR Director turned me on to Wordle a few months ago, and each day we separately do the puzzle and compare how we did. It's a fun little way we start the morning and scratches my competitive itch.
Normally I play Wordle on my phone, but I forgot it in my car this morning as I dashed inside to escape a still-pouring heavy rain. So I pull the game up in my web browser and start guessing. My guesses aren't landing, and before I know it I'm down to my final chance to solve.
Now usually when I get stuck on Wordle, I'll do one of two things: 1.) put it away for a bit and come back with a fresh, calm mind, or 2.) rage-type a 5-letter obscenity as a "fuck you" to the game, giggle at my immaturity, then delete the word and either type another obscenity or actual guess.
My HR Director messages me her results in our work messaging software. It took her five of six guesses.
"Another hard one. That was a bad word!"
"I'm on my last guess - I'm scared," I reply.
At this point I am clicked into the messaging app on one screen, and on my second screen is Wordle. My attention returns to my Wordle, but I failed to click back over, meaning the blinking vertical line next to "type a new message" in the chat client was still active. I start my ritual of rage-typing obscenities: As I have the emotional and mental maturity of a 12 year old, my go-to obscenity is always "PENIS." I type it out, and before I know it I accidentally hit enter.
Now here I thought I had actually burnt my final guess on the obscenity. I have a long streak of wins I was a little proud of, and my first thought was that all went up in smoke. I locked my monitor and decided to get a cup of coffee before returning to my regular duties.
About five minutes later I am back to my office, and when I log back in I see that Wordle is suspiciously absent of PENIS. At first I'm excited that I hadn't lost, but I'm also baffled. Where on earth could that word have go-OH MY GOD.
I look at my second screen, and there it is, I found the PENIS. It had been sent a few minutes ago to my HR Director, and next to it was a little eye symbolizing that the PENIS had been seen. I immediately deleted the message, but whatever damage I've done is already done. So now I'm sitting here sipping my coffee, waiting for whatever shoe might drop to do so, and still trying to figure out my final guess in Wordle before they come in with security and a cardboard box for my personal affects. Side note: who does the HR Director report to when *they* need to report someone to HR?
TL;DR: Bad Wordle habits and inattention to detail cause me to send the word PENIS to my HR Director using my work computer. Still haven't solved the puzzle.
Emendatus: But on the plus side, you reminded me to play it, and I got it.
fr3d0226: I'm glad some good could come of this.
Emendatus: I thought you would be.
Any update? I'm hoping you apologised to her and explained that you didn't mean and you're just having a laugh over it now!
fr3d0226: I sent her this after I made the post:
"Sorry about that - when I get raged at Wordle I type 5-letter bad words into the box and delete them until I figure out my next move. Whoops!"
I then solved (phew) and sent her my progression - she responded like I'd never her sent her PENIS. When I see her in person next she'll probably either crack a joke about it or never speak of it again. I'm good with either outcome lol
Emendatus: There you go, no problem! If I were her, I'd shout PENIS at you every time I saw you. This is only one reason why I couldn't work in HR.
fr3d0226: Let me counter: The only reason to work in HR (at least as Director like she is) is exactly so you can scream PENIS at people. Who am I gonna report her too? haha
| 7 | 6.714286 |
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