start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
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value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1656882914 | 1656889613 | t3_vqr9yt | t5_2to41 | 104 | yourdadisabean: TIFU Talks Episode #24 Got a story to share? Come on TIFU Talks!
PheonixGalaxy: I’m in tears lol
CaptainMoonVader: Ayo dawg you spelt phoenix wrong
PheonixGalaxy: Yes I know I really want to change my username
CaptainMoonVader: sorry for being an ass
PheonixGalaxy: No problem
| 6 | 17.333333 | |
1656883520 | 1656884241 | t3_vqrhhu | t5_2to41 | 13 | Strangley_unstrange: TIFU by not answering my phone
TW: suicide attempts
One of my friends has been in a vulnerable position for decades and I don't want to go into detail about why as that's not my place. To make a long story short, unknown to me my friend was suicidal, posting multiple Facebook updates over the course of the day in the typical depressed suicidal Manor ("bye..." etc...). They were blowing up my phone with calls and wouldn't text me back when I asked what was up repeatedly. And would only reply when I threatened to block their number if they wouldn't tell me what was going on. Even then they were vague and wouldn't actually tell me why they were calling.
It got to the point where I told them to stop talking to me because they claimed I didn't care when one of my best friends passed away due to suicide. Which understandably upset me so I asked for space which they didnt give me, so I was getting combative and a little aggrivated that they were just laying into me about how I'm not the friend they thought I was and how I'm different etc...
This morning I found out they were in the hospital because they had attempted to take their own life that night and then the day after. It is important to note that they had had dozens of people commenting on their facebook posts and calling their phone (while they were trying to call me) and had apparently declined them in an effort to reach me instead (despite me not being a good friend to them even before this)
I've got their friend chewing me out over Facebook messages because apparently I let it happen when I didn't even know what was happening until this morning.
Apparently according to their friend I should have known that it was an emergency despite having little to no communication about what the actual problem is and why they needed to be on the phone with me specifically
TL:DR- today I fucked up by not answering my phone to my friend in distress leaving them alone in a dangerous situation
EDIT - so I'm not in the wrong for this according to most of the comments, I appreciate the support, I still feel somewhat at fault for it but I see that it's not my fuck up because it isn't my responsibility.
Creinium13: Fuck that. What if YOU were in the hospital or jail or something?
Not your responsibility to be on call.
senggarlicbread: Amen, You’re right
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1656883757 | 1656885647 | t3_vqrk8a | t5_2to41 | 4 | smileysett: TIFU by telling a "your mom" joke and slightly trauma dumping to the cute Imperial Officer
I f*cked up today in Hollywood Studios. So for context I (20f) and my family are on a family vacation to Disney world. Today has been a weird day in general but today we were suppose to go to animal kingdom but one of my cousins joined yesterday and wasn't set up to go. My other cousin who set up the trip had to push back animal kingdom to another day but some how that cousins daughter (5), my grandfather (76 with a bad knee) and I had gotten an extra ticket for today. I've been wanting to go on tower of terror and rock n roller coaster cause we weren't able to do it when we went a few days before. So I went by myself and went on a few rides and thought the 95 minute wait for Rise of the Resistance was worth it after the other rides. I waited and we got on and everyone kept saying "don't tell the empire the location of the secret base". I think I'm funny so I thought I'd make a mom joke to someone who asked. So we get to the imperial part and get put into our lines while the guards also put up their act. We get put up onto our colored lines and I looked over at the officer who we were with and thought that he was SUPER CUTE. He comes up to my line and is looking at me and says "You will tell us where that ship was going". My brain was fighting with its self say the joke or do something else. The joke won. I looked at him and said "your moms house." But he didn't hear or he might have been acting so he used his figure and pushed his ear forward so I leaned in and said it again a bit louder. He looks at me and takes a little and then says "we don't joke about other peoples mothers because we don't know if they have one or not". Now this is where it gets worse. My mom died 7 years ago and I have been able to heal and move forward but I make jokes about my dead mom to make people a little uncomfortable because I think its funny. So instead of saying sorry or even making a move and saying I wanna go to his house next I say "well I don't have one" and shrug. I look over to the nice little lady next to me and she's chuckling. I look back at the cute officer and he tells me to think about this and walks away to a lady with a storm trooper hat asking where her uniform is. I thought it was funny but also embarrassing that the cutest one was the one I told it to.
I'm glad the empire respects mothers even though they blow up entire planets. I thought it was funny and I would share but unfortunately I scare all the cute ones away with my dead mom jokes.
TL:DR I went to Disney and told a joke about my dead mom to the cute imperial officer of rise of the resistance and scared him off.
InquisitiveBallbag: C'mon, you could have went with "What about the droid attack on the Wookies?"! Haha
smileysett: Haha true
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1656882191 | 1656886960 | t3_vqr11e | t5_2to41 | 19 | huggles7: TIFU by thinking everything I own is broken
I’ve been a homeowner for about 4 years and I’m like kind of handy. Like I can’t rewire a house, but I can do a lot of basic things beyond putting together ikea furniture. I’ve remodeled my basement solo, built a shed and some furniture.
So every winter I have this little spout in my basement I have to turn to make sure my pipes don’t freeze up. It turns off my water going to my outside hose. Every spring time when it’s time to use the hose I go down and undo the spout.
We installed a drip hose to help water our garden and I noticed it would water super well at the start of the hose but there was a very noticeable difference at the end. Eh maybe it’s just a crappy cheap hose right?
We’ve had a decent dry spell recently and my grass and plants are looking sad (we’re not in a water restrictive area by any stretch of the imagination). So I decided to use my sprinkler to give everything a nice water.
It’s one of those sprinklers you put in the middle of the yard and it waves back and forth. I bought it three years ago, use it every year without issue. This year when I went to turn it on I noticed it would start out shooting water fine and high and far but then after a while it shortened up considerably.
If I kinked the hose to move it, I would see how high it would shoot but then shortly after it would shorten clip considerably to like 1/2 to 1/4 of what it used to. Thinking this is strange I just assume the sprinkler is old and needed replacing. So I go to the hardware store and buy a slightly different one that spins and waters everything. Says it shoots up to 42 ft (13m)! Perfect I say! That’s exactly what I need.
Bring it home, plug it in, get super excited for the whirlwind of water about to grace my lawn. And I get maybe 1/4 of the distance. Try to move it here and there, and….nope def not 42 feet. I think to myself…we’ll this is curious, probably just bullshit advertising. Those fuckers! I should write an email. Back to the hardware store I go. I figure everything is going to have shit advertising so I’m going to buy the one that shoots the farthest. This one goes 80+ feet! Perfect!
I use it, it serves its purpose but definitely isn’t shooting 80 feet, whatever more shit advertisement right?
Fast forward to today. I decide todays a good day to mulch my gardens. I go get my mulch and remember the internet telling me to wet the dirt under the mulch before laying it down. I get out my trusty hose and put a hose head on it. I go to use it and it’s shooting out super far for like a second, then it barely goes a foot or 2.
Is everything fucking broken in my house? Do I have to go back to the hardware store? Then light bulb! Maybe everything isn’t broken, maybe when I opened up my basement spout a few months ago to use my hose I didn’t open it all the way and that’s why I’m losing pressure.
I trot my ass downstairs, sure enough the spout isn’t open all the way, so I open it all the way and go back to the hose. Now it’s shooting super far. And even better yet ITS KEEPS SHOOTING THAT FAR. I plug in the old sprinkler I thought was broken, works like fucking new! Drip hose? It’s a flood Noah would be prepared for.
So LPT kids: if you think everything you own is broken…you’re probably just an idiot.
TL:DR thought all my lawn gear was broken for months, bought all sorts of new crap and turns out it was just user error
DarkAngel_6: Super glad you thought to check that the spout was open the entire way. I honestly don't think I would have even thought to check!
huggles7: It was either that or go back to the hardware store to spend more money on crap I didn’t need hahah
DarkAngel_6: I've done that more times than I should admit. In the end, I'm glad you got it all figured out. Hopefully you were able to return some of it :)
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1656885968 | 1656994390 | t3_vqsbfc | t5_2to41 | 451 | Questgine: TIFU by visiting an adult video store and nearly ruining my mother’s flower shop business.
Obligatory this happened a few years ago. My mother opened a flower shop when I started college, and I worked there as manager to help pay tuition. The shop specialized in expensive flowers, and part of the store’s name had “exotic roses” in the title, and my mother had her caricature on the side of the delivery van. One day, I was sent to the other side of our city for the last delivery of the day. Coming back, I drove past an adult video store, one of the more prominent ones in the areas, and being of age and having time, thought “you know what, I’ve never been in one of those stores before, and I’ve always wondered what this one would be like,” so I stopped. I walked through, checked out the videos, gawked at the dildo wall, and then proceeded to leave. However, there was another guy there about my age wearing a trench coat and acting shifty. I watched as he pilfered sex toys and dildos, stuffing his pockets with all kinds of adult knickknacks. I worked at a music store a few years before this and knew all the tricks of shoplifting, so when he tried to rush through the security detector past me when I was walking through it, I knew enough to yell to manager that it was dude setting it off. The manager leaped over the counter and tackled the dude, and the two started rolling around. I shit you not, dildos were falling out everywhere, and the manager finally subdued him with a taser. At this point, I couldn’t just leave because this was getting good, and I was right. The manager began pulling every kind of adult toy you could think of out of the dude’s trench coat- dildos, handcuffs, lube, videos, a bull whip- I couldn’t believe there could be that much stuff in a trench coat.
At this point, three police cars pulled up to the store, and one of the police cars blocked my flower delivery van in. I was too embarrassed to ask for them to move, and was still enjoying the show as the cops also checked this guy over and found more stuff stuffed in his pants. I figured it wouldn’t be long, so I just walked around the store like I was still shopping. However, it did take a while. The cops were talking to the employees, watched video surveillance, and had a long chat with shoplifter dude.
I was finally going to ask one of the officers to move his vehicle, when a TV news crew pulled up and blocked the parking lot in. Now I couldn’t leave at all, so I stayed in the store and avoided being interviewed by the news girl. The news crew recorded their report in the parking lot, packed up and left, and I was finally able to go on my merry way after what seemed like hours in a sex shop.
What I didn’t realize was the news crew filmed their report right in front of my mom’s delivery van. There on the local evening news is a clear shot of my mother’s business and with her face in front of an adult video store. My mother called me. My grandmother called me. I had to explain why I was at an adult video store to everyone I knew, but even worse my mother’s business was pulled through the mud. Business slowed down. Our church cancelled our contract for Sunday flowers. We had a few angry calls. And then the weirdos started showing up, assuming we must sell sex toys in the back thanks to the word “exotic” in the business name. One guy even propositioned my mom for sex.
Luckily, people’s memories are short and we got passed it, but there were a couple lean months we had to overcome and a lot of embarrassment thanks to what I thought would be a quick stop.
TL;DR: visited an adult video store and watched a guy shoplift that got my mom’s delivery van on local TV news, leading to embarrassment and lost business.
TheQueenMother: Moral of the story, don't park in front of sex shops. . . park across the street.
dr_aureole: At the Four Seasons Landscaping?
TheQueenMother: I would prefer the Four Seasons Hotels, but hey, if that is what is there do it. Not sure that there is even a shop here in the state I am living in now.
dr_aureole: ask rudy...
https://www.avclub.com/guy-who-owns-sex-shop-next-to-four-seasons-total-landsc-1845643003
TheQueenMother: Sometimes life is more entertaining than fiction.
| 6 | 75.166667 | |
1656888526 | 1656892260 | t3_vqt5m6 | t5_2to41 | 45 | PlsHalpImRarted: TIFU by accidentally spicing up the bedroom.
Today, I (21M) accidentally spiced my wife's (18F) cooter with some jalapeño oils.
I was in the kitchen prepping some jalapeños for future meals when the wife came in from a nap giving me the look all men dream of. Of course I stop what I'm doing and immediately wash up. I tried to get all the oils off my hands by scrubbing vigorously and thoroughly and thought I got it all pretty good when I went to join her. After a few words of spicy encouragement I got to work with the foreplay, but oh boy there was my mistake. As it turns out, jalapeño oils are very stubborn and these were unfortunately very potent. After a few motions of the fingers I heard her moan loudly. At first I thought it was a compliment for my handiwork, but realized that wasn't the case very shortly after. Que her screaming on the bed at me to make it stop. Of course I scramble to the kitchen looking for something to ease the pain, and find a clean rag which I soak with water and stuff up there. No dice, the burn persisted. After taking a few moments to ask almighty Google for the answer I find the solution to be ice. I jump to the freezer and grab a popsicle, I run it to her and she gives me a look of bewilderment. "Trust me just put it up there" I tell her, but she refuses and sends me back. This time I grab a bowl and fill it with ice cubes, run and offer them to her. Scared to insert them myself for fear of causing further burn. She applies the ice and shortly after the spiciness in the bedroom has died down and she remains tired, burnt out, and quite furious at me for my blunder.
TLDR: Wife and I wanted spicy bedroom time, we got it.
hgr129: If your already married then you'll look back on this and laugh my man she's gunna hold a grudge but she loves you and your in the dog house but you'll both laugh at this later in life
PlsHalpImRarted: I'm already laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation and now that she's read over this post she's laughing just the same lol
hgr129: Exactly it's a tell at the table with drinks story that you'll all laugh about later in life. You love each other and will grow from this just never do it again or she'll murder you lol
PlsHalpImRarted: Yes she will lol although she got some minor revenge on me already and ouch
hgr129: Oh just wait till she goes down on you with hot sauce in her mouth then she'll have the ultimate revenge 🤣🤣🤣🤣
PlsHalpImRarted: Time for me to be very afraid
| 7 | 6.428571 | |
1656892340 | 1656919185 | t3_vqubwo | t5_2to41 | 55 | [deleted]: TIFU using the bathroom at work
[deleted]
GirlwiththePaw: I was a live in nanny with a one year old many years ago. It's totally normal to go the bathroom with them locked in with you. Like you said you can't leave them alone. They climb, hurt themselves, etc.
You are fine OP
scha07: Yeah trust me id rather you do that instead of leave a kid unattended 100% the better call yku made
| 3 | 18.333333 | |
1656893665 | 1656901343 | t3_vquq61 | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by not caring about someone’s baby.
[deleted]
DeepFudge9235: I suck with names.i am more likely to remember the pets name over the owner. Besides she wasn't your friend why would you remember? NTA
Fudge_pirate: We are both fudge people though!
DeepFudge9235: Cool!
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1656894010 | 1656894184 | t3_vqutra | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU I fucked an octopus
[deleted]
stegg88: Press x to doubt.....
BumFighter69: X
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1656894340 | 1656894820 | t3_vqux6i | t5_2to41 | 8 | PakiMan10: TIFU by pretending to drink alcohol.
I'm a 20 M who is a a Muslim so I am not allowed to drink alcohol (and I have never drank before). However, today I was at the lake with my cousins for a pre-4th of July celebration. To clean around the area we were gonna sit at, I picked up beer cans and threw them away. However, as a joke, I pretended to drink one empty and put it to my mouth so my cousins and I could have a good laugh.
However, one of my older cousins (who I'm not very close with) instantly took a photo of me and sent it to my older brother and some other people. I was so mad at my cousin and shocked he would do something like this. I know that he drinks himself and does other stuff, but I'm supposedly like"a devout Muslim" according to everyone since I don't engage in that stuff.
However, he caught me red handed when I was just making a joke. I'm scared from if the picture gets leaked on social media because I'm a minor in possession of an alcohol and could get in trouble which could keep me out of medical school (I'm a med school applicant). I'm also scared if my religious family sees it. My brother says I'm just freaking out, and you can tell from the photo it is a crushed up and empty beer can.
Don't know what to do, please make me feel better 😭
TL;DR: Pretended to drink alcohol as a joke, cousin took a picture, and I am now scared it gets leaked and gets me in trouble as a minor.
Brandanpk: Anyone with half a braincell would see the can is a piece of trash and wouldn't believe it
PakiMan10: I hope so 😭
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1656894429 | 1656895835 | t3_vquy30 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU I fucked an octopus
[deleted]
Naughtyexperiences: Yup. That sounds 100% real.
[deleted]: It is.
Naughtyexperiences: Oh yes 100%
[deleted]: It is.
Naughtyexperiences: I know i said 100% lol
| 6 | 0.666667 | |
1656894516 | 1656901728 | t3_vquyy9 | t5_2to41 | 1,369 | Mountain_Apartment_6: TIFU by confusing post-run recovery with "after care"
1) This did happen today
2) When not experiencing cranial flatulence, I'm very aware of the difference
3) My wife and I don't engage in activities that requires after care
After completing a couple errands today, I realized I had just enough time for a quick, but intense, treadmill workout this afternoon before we all headed off to the pool for the evening.
I've been increasing the intensity of my workouts lately. As a result, especially combined with the fact I'm no longer a spring chicken, I try to be pretty diligent about stretching, foam-rolling, and rehydrating after workouts.
I'm not sure if my workout today was so good that I was still getting my lungs back, or if I'm just a general dumbass. But I was upstairs trying to finish my stretching and foam rolling when my wife shouted up asking how long I needed before I was ready for the pool.
"Yeah, I'll be down in less than 5 minutes! I'm just finishing up my....after care!"
My wife comes running upstairs.
"Finish your what?"
"Why, what did I say?"
The next couple minutes are mostly a blur of my wife laughing at me. And, also, she's now referring to the treadmill as my "dom" and as my "big spoon."
Safe to say, this inside joke is going to stick around for years.
TL;DR: went for a run and confused post-run "recovery" with sexual "after care" and now my wife is teasing me that our treadmill and I have a BDSM relationship
mitwif: Take my free award! Take it like you took your treadmill this afternoon!
Mountain_Apartment_6: I can comfort myself a bit knowing that this isn't a joke she is going to share far and wide
johnnycakeAK: She didn't need to, she knew that you'd take care of that all by yourself
Mountain_Apartment_6: To quote John Mulaney: "I know, but heyyyy"
| 5 | 273.8 | |
1656898247 | 1656947036 | t3_vqw2qf | t5_2to41 | 780 | KangerKash: TIFU by jerking off so hard I broke my toilet
Woke up hungover and horny, crawled out of bed and started the shower.
Started to pleasure myself and it was going great, the feelings of nausea and grogginess were fading.
I was approaching climax when my legs began forcefully pushing into the ground with my back pressing against the toilet basin.
With every passing moment the act of pushing with my legs was stretching all of the built up lactic acid and soreness from squatting the day prior, I pressed harder and harder as I began to come.
SNAP
Water poured out like a bursting dam, I jumped up and couldn’t process what just occurred.
I had caused the porcelain to shatter from my masturbation, water was gushing everywhere with out hesitation.
With my sticky and lotion covered hands I had to act, I ended up propping the lever that fills the back of the toilet with a shaving cream can.
That’s how I started my Sunday, happy 4th of July.
TLDR: I jerked off and broke my fucking toilet.
AcrobaticSource3: Wow, you and the toilet busted at the same time...synchronized gushing should be an Olympic sport
Detank2002: you made me choke on my food laughing at work take my upvote you lil shiz
Setthegodofchaos: r/angryupvote
| 4 | 195 | |
1656898637 | 1656942490 | t3_vqw6sf | t5_2to41 | 130 | [deleted]: TIFU - I (M) Reconnected with an old friend (F)
[deleted]
DbleDelight: I don't believe you emotionally cheated on her but obviously she is throwing in a line to check your availability. No-one contacts a colleague from a decade ago to set them up with other men whilst she's with her boyfriend.
Block this chick and show your wife that she is your priority.
Morasain: The intentions of the friend, whatever they may be, are irrelevant. What's relevant is that op has no intentions here.
This isn't an issue that op can fix. This is his wife being extremely jealous.
DopeDetective: i do think it's strange that "catching up" doesnt include mentioning you've gotten married and had kids. those seem like the #1 updates to mention when "catching up".
Morasain: Mayhaps you should read the post again. Op did that. He just didn't remind the former colleague all the time because that shouldn't be necessary.
DopeDetective: it's not a reminder, the wife & kids are part of these experiences. how much could they possibly "catch up" without mentioning them in stories where they were actually there like vacations?
like "i went to Nashville and found this great restaurant" vs "We went to Nashville and my wife found this great restaurant". that's a suspicious difference & lack of info, like he's trying to avoid making himself seem unavailable as much as possible
the wife's comment she left on this post definitely makes OP look bad, not the wife imo. like OP and this woman were swapping "sexual partner preferences". his preference should have been his wife, full stop. he mentions he's VERY attracted to tattoos so this woman is like "ooooh i have 7 tattoos"
Morasain: Ah, so now you're moving the goalposts.
DopeDetective: OP doesnt say anything about ever mentioning his wife to this person though in the post? maybe im missing it?
he said: "I could see how some of my responses had implied that I am married, instead of outright saying it everyday in conversation, that it left room for misinterpretation."
he also tells this woman he's going to the gym when he's not. why?
he also told his wife he would not be reconnecting with her. then did without telling her he changed his mind. suspicious.
also texting her "goodmornings" every day. that's what you do with someone youre interested in/fucking
| 8 | 16.25 | |
1656896434 | 1656915538 | t3_vqvjca | t5_2to41 | 25 | CC_n_CO: TIFU by getting horny during a massage
To preface, I get massages regularly, am female, and usually get massages from females. I had a new masseuse today (F) and she wasn't even the slightest attractive, so I have no clue where this came from. The way she was rubbing me was not sexual (I don't think) but for some reason, I started dozing off and fantasizing about a male masseuse using her same technique to the point of me having like a vivid dream. I feel like I was half asleep, and started having dirty thoughts while laying on my stomach. I must've dosed off completely but caught myself spreading my legs, then woke up to "ok, you're all done, how do you feel?" I snapped out of it but was like wtf just happened?! I have never felt so sexual during a massage in my life, was getting massaged by a woman and was literally having a nasty dream about a man spreading my legs while on my stomach...I was still all hot and bothered when I left. Has this happened to anyone else and do you think she knew?
I'm embarrassed. And still horny. Lol
After this experience, I'm curious ..do male masseuse's get horny when rubbing women down? If so, how do you control yourself?
Women, have you ever fantasized about a male masseuse taking things further?
Calling all psychologists, where did this come from?! Lol
TL;DR I got horny and had a vivid sex dream during a massage.
Limedrop_: If they’re male, aren’t they called masseurs?
Blackfire01001: No male or female they're called Massage Therapists. Calling someone a masseuse is like calling someone a prostitute. Or there are unlicensed massage therapist which can be dangerous depending on what modality you're using.
Limedrop_: Weird, when I look it up it says this: “a person, especially a man, who provides massages professionally.”
Blackfire01001: Maybe in 1912.
| 5 | 5 | |
1656901284 | 1656904566 | t3_vqwz98 | t5_2to41 | 6 | Hypodermicheronbeak: TIFU up by getting drunk and letting the exhibitionism get the better of me and I called a conservative Christian relative from an orgy
So today I called my uncle from an orgy at an exhibitionist cosplay/ anime nightclub (I’m kinda turned on by people being disappointed in me and kinkshaming me so that maybe have been my drunken motivation). so first he doesn’t know I’m bi. (I have been bi since 2017 when I met up with a hike couple and their third wheel and we started having foursomes while driving the blue ridge parkway) Second he doesn’t know that me and my gf swing. So two surprises in one night. I called him or maybe I answered a call from him (I’m not sure which I’m still kind of drunk) He responded by sending me a text about his churches online service times and I replied with
“I probably need som Jesus rn I’m so gapped by Britney and this dude so umm yeah people life is good”
And then I said
“That wasn’t meant for you. And I don’t k ow who it was meant for”
I personally don’t know what to do now but it feels incredible to be out of the closet.
Fortunately he is one of my more accepting relatives so I don’t have to worry too much about being basically kicked out of my family.
So yeah I fucked up.
But it was so fucking FUN I feel liberated and my ass is so wide rn.k
TLDR: I called a conservative Christian relative during an orgy and then when they sent me a link to their online church service I told them how gapped I was and I’m hoping I’m not I’m not going to be cut off from my family
cosmernaut420: Trying to decide if "gapped" is a euphemism for something or you just put too many P's in the past tense for gape.
Hypodermicheronbeak: I was kinda drunk and added and extra p lol
cosmernaut420: It's all good. That's what I assumed it was a euphemism for ;)
Hypodermicheronbeak: I could probably fit a baseball in here rn
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1656900972 | 1656916155 | t3_vqwvrx | t5_2to41 | 467 | StubblyWave3370: TIFU By Accidentally Training My Cats To Make Me Trio Over Them
So I, 16F, am a fucking idiot. Aside from that, some of my more notable traits are clumsiness and an undying love for my cats, including the ones who are not undead. In any case, I am pretty clumsy, as I mentioned earlier, witch leads me to trip over loads of things ie: rocks, my own two feet, air, occasionally small children, and most recently, my cats. Now, whenever I happen to stumble upon my cats, quite literally, they run away and I find them, give them plenty of attention and treats, and make sure that they aren't hurt. It's my way of saying sorry because due to the language barrier I doubt he would understand what 'sorry' meant. As I tend to trip on things frequently, I wasn't at first surprised by the amount of times in witch I tripped on my cat cheeze. Though, it made me think that maybe I needed to pay closer attention to my next stepp because within the span of about three hours I had tripped FOUR FUCKING TIMES over the little shit. This is when my slow-ass brain started to relay the past events and after an embarrassing amount of time pondering, my two brain cells must have made contact and something clicked. Now I have tried to stop giving my cats treats and attention after I trip over them but I feel so bad about it. Anyways, now I can't walk two steps without tripping over my cat, (only one of them is an evil mastermind, the other is nothing short of lovely) and I feel like I fucked myself over with this one. On a funnier note My boyfriend came over recently and that's when we realized that my cat likes to play this game with more than just myself. I guess we will see how that works out. Also tells me if y'all want a pet tax!
TL;DR I accidentally taught my hell spawn of a cat that if I trip over him that I would shower him with love and attention, so now he plants himself in front of my next step so I trip on him and he gets treats and attention
[pickles, the more lovely of the two cats](https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/s/?view=att&th=181caa40c733b64f&attid=0.1&disp=attd&realattid=70936a778253ca9b_0.1&safe=1&zw)
[cheeze, the evil mastermind](https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/s/?view=att&th=181caa40c733b64f&attid=0.2&disp=attd&realattid=752f42e4d7194002_0.1&safe=1&zw)
Accomplished-Yak8584: Well clearly he got some cattitude
StubblyWave3370: wow
ObviousRascal: Fur real, I agree!
StubblyWave3370: oml i can't
LadyRunic: Making you a catspaw in the purrfect scheme.
| 6 | 77.833333 | |
1656900707 | 1656941034 | t3_vqwt1q | t5_2to41 | 1,415 | Disorderlycone: Tifu and was almost cooked alive
Trigger Warning: if you have issues with tight spaces, restriction or complete helplessness you might want to pass this one.
 
So like most this didn’t happen today but 5 days ago I almost died and I’m still processing it. By making this post I’m hoping I can further process the event and also spread some awareness about the locks that lead to me being cooked alive.
 
I’m a hydrovac operator, I use a high pressure water gun combined with a air moving system to make holes in the ground and expose utilities. This allows techs to safety work on or install things with minimal safety risk. If you’ve seen different color lines of paint on the ground.. most likely someone like me is coming soon to work on your property. Sorry about that. I’ve been doing this for 6 years and I’ve finally landed a good company and was given a new truck. Unfortunately the truck went down after 5000kms due to a manufacturer problem. They gave me a new replacement truck until mine was fixed.
 
On Tuesday I had just finished up a hole when I noticed my water guns tip was leaking and I needed to reapply the plumbers tape that connects it and also had to go to the washroom. We have 2 big walk-in cabinets on the trucks that are connected. One houses the boiler, pump and heater and the other is a walk in personal area for wet clothes, rain gear and whatever you want. This personal area is often used to go to the washroom when you don’t have a public facility nearby but still have to go and don’t want to be charged with indecent exposure. My tape was in this area on the top shelf. So two birds one stone, I open the cabinet and step in, reach up to the top shelf and that’s when I hear the “click” of the door lock.
 
While there is a light I immediately feel a pressure change and the heat start to climb. I have about a half a bathtubs worth of space, one half of that space I can stand in, the other is under a heater that I can get under on my butt or Knees. The first thing I do is push on the door but it doesn’t budge, I try to kick but I can’t get enough force with the lack of room. The heat is starting to get uncomfortable and I’ve noticed its becoming even harder to breathe. I knew not to panic, it actually never crossed my mind, instead I went into a problem solving mode. I take a look at the shelves to see if I have anything I can use to pry open the door. It’s a new truck they just gave me. I had safety manuals regarding filters, a grounding cable and a few brass clips. I know the door is made of steel and it also has a seal going around to make it watertight. I’m a metal model builder and I knew that brass vs steel... I had no chance. Still I tried to pry the door and just like I knew it would the clamp just bent. I looked at the steel walls and it was getting really hot now. I took off my bigger clothes and saw a loose bolt on the wall. I thought if I can get the bolt out I could breathe through the hole until some one finds me. I started to take out the bolt but it wasn’t long before the nut on the outside stopped me and It was just spinning. At this point it was becoming even harder to get a breath and it was so hot. My body felt tight from the heat. I needed to conserve air and cool down and with me realizing there was no way to escape from this steel coffin I sat down. Looking up at the heater i thought maybe the heater can get me some airflow. I turn on the heater and the air that was coming out was cooler than the air in the cab. At this point I knew I had done everything I could. The air was so hard to breathe that it felt like I was wearing a clogged respirator. I knew that I only had minutes before I was going to pass out from the heat or suffocate from the lack of air. I start to pound on the door with the brass clip but quickly realize that in construction banging is normal. Instead I start banging SOS hoping that the repeated rhythm would get someone’s attention.
 
It’s funny. People say when they have these near death experiences that they think of their family, their kids or what they could of done. I didn’t have any of that. I’m a father of two children and I have a family that loves me and the only thing that was in my mind was “breathe”. Tapping on the door laying on the floor in this flux state felt similar to being in a deprivation tank. I know this sounds stupid/crazy but it wasn’t just the word. It was spoken, but didn’t hear it with my ears. I sat there breathing to this voice and tapping SOS on the door. At some point in this reality I found myself in, I thought I will do this until I pass out. It was so hot and so hard to breathe. The world became very small. I don’t know how long I was like this, I had no perception of time. In a moment I hear the same click that had locked me in but this time Instead of dread I felt euphoric relief.
 
Like lightning starting at my toes and running up my spine, the energy ran back into me and I leaped from the cabinet and lied on the grass panting. I can’t tell you the feeling. It turns out my foreman had stopped to check on me. He didn’t see me and was about to drive away but heard the rhythm. He thought I was working on something. He looked on the other side of the truck and didn’t see me and that’s when he seen the cabinet moving. He came over and braced the door, knowing that I was about to pour out. I’m eternally Indebted to this man. In total i was trapped for just over 40 minutes.
 
It’s been odd getting back into things. I sat down at my desk after all this happened and I felt like I had almost made this all up and that I was just dieing under the heater still. My girlfriend and my hobbies have been helping me ground myself and as someone who has tried to spread the word about mental health, getting some help to process this real life horror movie is nothing to be ashamed of. I have objectives. 1. Those doors need to be recalled 2. Why were the walk-in cabinets locks changed from the standard two stage lock to this death trap?
 
I tried to call the company but they refused to comment and wouldn't even talk to me when I went in to get my old new truck. Sucks. I can’t take off time from work either because wsib is 70%, takes 3 weeks and with my family looking for a new home to rent I can’t take the time for history and payments. It feels like deep down these people are going to get away with everything and I will be the one left almost cooked alive and trying to pretend it didn’t happen.
 
Thanks for reading and again please understand that this was more for me.
 
TLDR: I was trapped in a airtight cabinet where the boiler was cooking me alive as I was losing air. Trapped for a total of 40 minutes. Suffocating and boiling alive I was rescued by my foreman after he heard me banging SOS on the door.
 
*** update 1: I got some messages asking about the lock. I don’t have a part number at the moment but here is a small video of the lock and where I was [trapped](https://www.instagram.com/reel/CfmF76dutcs/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=)
 
*** update 2: I want to clarify a few things. The Company that I work for is great atm. The companies I’m currently looking to see what goes on are the sellers and manufacturers of the truck. Both manufacturer and seller refused to speak to me and my union is not talking much either. I just want to know things are moving. Also my workplace mechanic took apart the lock today and found that indeed it’s a freezer lock and they did install it without the safety mechanism. He drilled a hole and connected a bolt to fix the problem until the manufacturer can come up with something better. I’m not driving that truck. I just can’t believe they knowingly put this lock on the walk-in cabinet with no release.
Minimum_Resolve_1353: As someone who has been in 2 near death experiences I feel you. I also know what you mean by the world got smaller.
Good luck and that was a fun read.
Link5261: Having experienced a few near-death moments myself, I can help shed some insight so others who haven't felt the experience can better comprehend it.
As your brain is trying to maximize oxygen efficiency to maintain consciousness and blood flow, your extremities will start to get less blood delivered, and your heart and brain will get the diverted flow. This keeps you alive, but your senses start to dull, most notably touch first, taste second, vision third, and the two most powerful, smell and hearing last.
Once you start to breathe clearly again, your body feels like it awakens from the dead b/c it kinda was. Your body was slowly starting to die, and the freshly delivered oxygenated blood revives the senses, so your brain goes into hyper recognition with the surge of information to a highly sensitive focus-tuned state. Your body will normalize soon after, possibly releasing the subtler adrenaline dose after, but you are alive, goddamnit, so *LIVE!*
PinguProductions: I always thought in very high intensity situations hearing was one of the first things to go.
Link5261: That's when you go into traumatic shock, not from a slow slip towards effective asphyxia. Something like a building collapse or getting thrown by an explosive pressure wave.
| 5 | 283 | |
1656887411 | 1656935352 | t3_vqssin | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: TIFU by cussing out a gypsy and getting cursed
[deleted]
Piethrower375: Well you fucked up here using a slur lol.
cigar_dude: what slur did I use?
ls952: Gypsy is a slur iirc.
| 4 | 0.25 | |
1656890536 | 1657218986 | t3_vqtsuc | t5_2to41 | 12 | setagllib: Tifu by buying 2 beers for a guy before he got drunk and terrorized a flight
Obligatory this happened years ago, in 2011 I think. I cannot seem to find the right subreddit for this, so hopefully this fits.
I was taking my at the time girlfriend to China to meet my parents for Christmas. At the airport I realized I brought my old passport and this caused us to miss our flight. We had to catch a red eye on standby in a different city and still had to spend 3 nights in Washington DC.
While sleeping in the airport the first night, I made friends with Alex, a slightly intimidating Van-Damme looking Ukrainian who had been stuck in the airport for 10 days. He told me some black guys had stolen his money and luggage 9 days ago. The next two nights we stayed with a friend, came back for our flight and we found that Alex was on our flight. Right before boarding came the fuck up, I offered for him to eat with my then girlfriend and I and he said, "Ukrainians don't eat, we only drink." So I bought him 2 beers.
Fast forward one hour into our Turdish Air flight (my fond name now) and Alex is drunk out of his mind walking up and down the aisles cursing and frightening everyone on the plane. Turns out he'd been drinking cognac since he got on the plane and the person next to him spilled food on Alex's pants and that was the final straw. Our connecting flight was through Turkey so almost all the passengers were black or Middle Eastern. My girlfriend ended up moving seats so Alex could sit with me so I could try and keep him calm. I couldn’t. The flight attendant kept bringing him alcohol when he asked for it. For hours I sat with him trying to distract him. He was very racist, possibly due to his drunkenness and what happened to him in DC, but anytime he caught sight of other passengers he’d yell out the n-word, or rag-head. One older black woman started having a heart attack. My girlfriend eventually came back to sit next to me and was crying the whole time.
This escalated eventually into him standing up and threatening the female flight attendant, me blocking him, him then snapping off the head of a plastic knife and holding it to my neck with me in a half nelson. A male passenger and male flight attendant then tackled him and I and several men pinned and held him down. We eventually bound his hands and feet with thick black zip ties since he kept breaking the white ones. For the last few hours of the flight he was seat-belted face down to the row of chairs and I was chosen to hold his face pressed down into the seat so no one had to hear his obscenities.
Our flight made an emergency landing in France. The flight attendants went around and asked/checked that all passengers deleted all photos and videos of the incident. Alex was arrested and the woman with the heart attack was treated and was okay.
This was the closest thing to a news story about it that we ever found, http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-531624.
I found one other blog that referenced this story. jmh63 .blogspot. com/2014/ They used the same link as me but it's also dead I guess. Just redirects to CNN .com.
photos.app.goo. gl/PCCDaeNKCrE3niMY8
That was my girlfriend’s first international flight.
TL;DR: Tie down a drunk Ukrainian in front of your girlfriend and she’ll marry you.
AcrobaticSource3: > flight attendants went around and asked/checked that all passengers deleted all photos of the incident
Nah, they can’t do that. Even if they could, that’s why you upload directly to the cloud
setagllib: I know, it's crazy. Remember this was in 2010 or 2011, so not everyone had the same kind of smart phones they did today. And maybe no one could upload since the emergency landing was in France.
AcrobaticSource3: Ah, good point!
| 4 | 3 | |
1656898559 | 1656905270 | t3_vqw5zw | t5_2to41 | 3 | adamussher: TIFU by cracking my phone screen for the first time ever.
I was pretty proud that for a long as touch screens have existed on phones, I've never cracked one. Ope.
Today I was visiting my mom and mounted something outside of her house. I set my phone down after using it as a flashlight and didn't think anything of it. I've dropped phones before and never cracked the screen. I'm so good at putting phones down, why would today be any different? A few minutes later, my phone slid off the admittedly somewhat precarious place and fell face down on some rocks. Well shit.
Not ready to confirm my fears, I finished what I was doing. I've been lucky before, but I had a bad feeling that this time the rocks won. Finally, I mustered some courage, took a deep breath, and picked up my phone. Yep. Cracked screen. Four lovely impact points and cracks stretching from top to bottom. Did I mention my warranty ended one month ago?
TL;DR rocks plus gravity equals a fucked up phone screen.
AcrobaticSource3: Did you post from the cracked screen phone?
adamussher: I did indeed!
| 3 | 1 | |
1656905566 | 1656912966 | t3_vqy6z9 | t5_2to41 | 29 | mxmmysxrry: TIFU by touching my(F) SO(M) inappropriately during intimacy
More like last night I fucked up :/
My mind has been going crazy ever since this incident occurred and I feel so disgusted with myself.
Straight to the point, me and my SO were having sex, missionary style. He asked me to grab his balls but I couldn’t reach them since they ascended to his groin area. I tried to gently push them back down but I just couldn’t reach them. I didn’t want him to stop the sex since he was super close to an orgasm, so instead I had the “bright” idea to touch his anus and put the tip of my finger in there(trying to give him some sort of stimulation). I KNOW WRONG MOVE.
I’m not sure why I even thought to do such a thing like that. As soon as we were done I asked him about what I did because I felt guilty and he said he didn’t like it but didn’t really notice because he was focused on us. I felt so grossed out, not from him but from myself because I made him feel uncomfortable and truly I don’t know what compelled me to think that was a good idea(even though I did it of course). I felt sick the rest of that night and even now.
My SO told me the night it happened that it was fine and teased me by saying “you got really excited didn’t you” and joking “am I that dirty?”, because I was utterly disgusted, not by him but with myself. He kept reassuring me it was okay but I just feel like I fucked up big time. The next morning he was asking if I was alright because I was just out of it but I didn’t bring it up again. He seemed fine, but I wasn’t. I just can’t shake this guilt, and I know what I did was terrible.
I’ve posted this earlier on another subreddit but I just feel so bad like I need others reassurance because I’m having a hard time getting over it.
TL;DR I touched my SO anus without asking now I feel terrible about it. He said it’s fine but the situation is screwing with my mind.
PoundedWhale: Why do you not trust him?
mxmmysxrry: Honestly that’s a good question. I do, and that’s definitely a problem on my end because I always question the people I’m closets to about how they truly feel in the back of my mind. I don’t know why I think that way :/
JebediahsLab: You likely feel that way because you're insecure in the relationship. That should be properly worked out through communication and building trust.
It's really important to overcome insecurity in relationships, because left untreated, it can destroy the relationship.
mxmmysxrry: I am insecure unfortunately. Not because of him, it’s an issue with me. But I am taking those next steps in therapy
JebediahsLab: Then you're already making the right move! Wishing you luck in your relationship and personal growth
mxmmysxrry: Thank you, will need it
| 7 | 4.142857 | |
1656913628 | 1656915922 | t3_vr0dgs | t5_2to41 | 2 | help_me_please456: TIFU by thinking dad was the “cool” parent.
Today I attended a wedding and in asian family events its pretty common to see younger kids (like 12<) getting a sip of wine from their dads or grandfathers. Although i didn’t at this event i have previously when just with my dad and grandfather. The event was for a close friend of my dads who had previously lived with our family and my dad got somewhat wasted. He’s able to hold his wine and he only drank half a bottle. Anyways on the way back home my dad started talking about the weddings after party. My dad often goes on ramblings on the past while driving even without drinking. He started saying that they were going to go to a club and do club things and invited me. I declined but he and my brother tried to persuade me to do it as it would be “fun” and a new experience. I am an underaged female and although the after party would be with only my dads friends I felt like it would be uncomfortable. I know of instances when women have been spiked by even friends and I didn’t completely trust my dads friends or his ability to take care of me if in any case I had gone. But he kept persuading me saying that it would be cool and safe to experience. While my dad is usually chill with trying new things just so that in the future when i most definitely will get curious I won’t be unfamiliar with the things. In this moment i felt my perspective of him being a cool parent and being smart in letting me try things before growing up to a legal age was destroyed. I also gained more respect for my mom during this conversation because I know that she has discouraged me from trying things and doesn’t do so herself. Anyways I just felt like i shouldn’t have praised my dad in those moments and realized that he might not regard my safety or think about it in the way my mom does.
TLDR: My dad asked me an underaged female to go to a club and do club things, i felt unsafe, and my perspective of him being a cool parent was destroyed.
Captainschitqunt: You are overthinking everything a little too much...
>I know of instances when women have been spiked by even friends and I didn’t completely trust my dads friends or his ability to take care of me
This is insane, just so you know. Not going to a party with family and friends incase you get spiked? Are you never going to go anywhere in your life? Keep your drink in your hand, make sure its a bottle, keep your thumb over the top, you can't get spiked.
If that's how anxiously you live your life and if that's how black and white you see things then I suggest you speak to a professional, that's not a healthy mindset.
Also, I've just seen your other posts. How are you saying in this post that your mum cares for you more than your dad and looks out for you, yet in your previous post she had a nonexistent reaction to you being abused and also repeatedly sent you to the abuser afterwards... I can't say that adds up.
help_me_please456: There were going to be drugs in the vicinity and i’m under even the age of consent (idk if its okay to say my age). Although it would likely be impossible to get in if i ever did by some chance it it would be me with guys over half my age which i find an unsafe condition.
Special_KC: Listen its all too easy for us to sit back and make assumptions from afar. If your sensed discomfort, go with your gut. You're young, there will be many other opportunities for experimentation.
Projectonyx: The only thing OP can do at this point is hope she's wrong in her worries. Dad was probably just wanting to hang out and party with his kids, with trusted people who would never even THINK to do something horrible like drug their friends underage kid.
| 5 | 0.4 | |
1656915187 | 1657227591 | t3_vr0rzm | t5_2to41 | 15 | UnderstandingSmart: TIFU by asking my dad to buy me 4 vapes.
I, 15m, vape and smoke. My 20m brother buys it for me. Last night I thought I was texting my brother and said “Get me 4 vapes pls” “I’ll give you 65$ and the rest of the money can be for my birthday 😂” and I turn off my phone. To my surprise my dad texted me and said “wrong person” I had a panic attack. My friend was over and he checked my pulse. Did the whole minute timer and counted and everything. 146 bpm. Me and my friend were a bit high and I didn’t know how to react so I just said something along the lines of “haha *friend* took the phone” to which he replied, “stop lying or I’ll get up” and at that point I just stopped talking. We were watching anime and then I started to just fall asleep. I woke up from my little 5 minute nap sweaty asf. I was wiping the sweat off my neck when I realized how fast my heart was beating. At this point I was like “damn this how I’m gonna die” I’ve been thinking about quitting for a while and this might be the perfect opportunity. Do you guys think I should quit? TL;DR I accidentally texted my dad and told him to buy me 4 vapes because I thought I was texting my brother in my high mind.
JimmiRustle: I stopped smoking when I was 14.
There’s no reason to ever start.
MrGeekman: When did you start?
JimmiRustle: Age 12. We were doing ciggies in the playground house farthest from the school building.
After a while I just sort of lost interest because it was hella expensive for somebody without a job and since I wasn’t addicted it seemed like an idiotic thing to continue.
I kept doing weed though.
[edit: formatting screwed up]
MrGeekman: You started smoking in elementary school? Holy crap? How did this happen?
UnderstandingSmart: It’s not hard when your parents are heavy smokers. They don’t know if you take a pack.
MrGeekman: *Why* did you start smoking back then?
UnderstandingSmart: It was during quarantine and smoking was a coping mechanism
| 8 | 1.875 | |
1656914099 | 1656958357 | t3_vr0hps | t5_2to41 | 1,302 | QuadLauncher: TIFU by telling a 6 year old that I ate her mom
I just started a new job within the past month or so. A spitfire little girl I sometimes teach comes into my office looking for her mother, whom I was working with on a project. This girl was unaware that mom had gone back into her husband’s office. Little girl comes in and asks “Where’s mom?!” I stare at her. I ponder for a moment. Then I quippily, happily state “I ate her!” This my friends is where I made my egregious mistake. No not because I necessarily said anything “wrong.” In fact, I didn’t even consider how what I said could be taken in the moment. The girl gets this mischievous grin on her face, runs out of my office, finds her mom and loudly exclaims “(my name) Ate you!” You could tell by the hesitation in the mom’s voice where her mind went. I both tried not to laugh out loud but also proceeded to die inside. The kid then proceeds to run around the office for the next 20 minutes exclaiming that I ate her mother.
Oh, and I work at a church
TL:DR: Girl runs around church office exclaiming I ate her mother with no context
zimz2011: The church part is the highlight of the story, kudos for the ending
cfdeveloper: I always appreciate a happy ending in church.
zimz2011: As long as it doesn't involve any kids, oh and also i hope you aren't the kid
cfdeveloper: no, nun of that.
zimz2011: I don't know how to reply to that , so i'm just gonna upvote this epic reply
| 6 | 217 | |
1656926246 | 1656940360 | t3_vr3cym | t5_2to41 | 95 | Primary_Angel: TIFU by treating my ex bf like a mother and not like the bad b I should’ve been all along
[removed]
taintedcookies: My God you put so many things into words for me that I didn't have before. I'm going through something similar and just wow. I needed to read this. Thank you! I hope you truly find you while you are healing.
Primary_Angel: Thank you so much! I am happy you can relate and feel a little less alone <3
| 3 | 31.666667 | |
1656931539 | 1656932983 | t3_vr4m3o | t5_2to41 | 9 | Away_Debate8464: TIFU by breaking up with the girl of my dreams
TIFU by breaking up with the girl of my dreams
So to get into this story is quite difficult because it needs a lot of context. This all started when i(M15) started dating this girl abt 2 years ago, it was the first time i actually had feelings for someone and i fucked it up. She was pretty big for my age ( not fat or anything just really big she was like 5 inches bigger then me) and kinda got made fun off but i didnt mind at first. Slowly I started to notice that i got mad fun of too and after 6 months i got peer preshured into breaking up with her. I thought this was were the story would end but it doesn't. so about a year later i realize i still have feelings for her and wanted to make it up to her but i didnt know how, i thought she would hate me for what i did to her. but eventually i got the courage and messaged her that i was sorry about what happend she replied that she wasn't mad and she forgave me. Now about 2 years later im going to change schools and might not see her again althought i still got feelings for her, so reddit what should i do? ( sorry if there are any spellingmistakes, English isn't my first language)
TL:DR i broke up with my dream girl because of peer pressure, what do i do?
Jack_Forge: Just ask if she'll give you another shot.
Away_Debate8464: yea but what if i get rejected?
Exciting_Telephone65: Then you're SOL basically. But would you rather not know and maybe find out later that she did still have feelings for you as well?
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1656937094 | 1660274972 | t3_vr651n | t5_2to41 | 18,877 | RebinWood: TIFU by ruining my country’s national art museums main exhibit
So back in year 9-10 ish we went on a school excursion to the national art museum in Canberra to go see all the art and take photos of stuff for an assignment.
One of the activities we were required to do was to find images in Jackson Pollocks famous ‘blue poles’.
Everyone except me couldn’t see how a random slather and glob of paint could possibly be a koala, so to help my fellow pupils I kindly pointed towards where this image is on this giant artwork. Only I didn’t point I accidentally touched it, and if you’ve ever seen this painting or any of pollocks work in person you’d know that the giant globs of paint don’t ever fully dry inside.
So there I am standing in the middle of arguably the most expensive painting in Australia with blue paint from a wet paint glob bubble I accidentally touched with about 400-500 people staring at me like I just murdered someone in public.
To top it all off I also set off a proximity alarm which was the loudest alarm I’ve ever heard, think jewellery heist diamond stealing alarm.
Got my entire school banned, I got kicked out of my German elective and had a school assembly about it too.
Worst part is now even years later you’re no longer even permitted to even enter the same room the painting is displayed in. I went back years later and the entire room is gated off like a crime scene.
TL;DR
Touched Jackson pollocks blue polls on an excursion and smudged it causing an entire school to be escorted to the exit and the exhibit to be permanently barred even decades later.
DineWithTheGods: Had something similar happening in Rotterdam,
On a schooltrip we visited a museum who had an art installation literally on the floor with nothing to bar it from walking on it..
So as distracted as I was i walked straight through that piece of work, got yelled at and people went beserk… all I could bring up to say was that it wasn’t very clever to put artwork on the floor now is it 😩😂
Not my proudest moment,
swierdo: Was it the [peanut butter floor](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pindakaasvloer)?
cSpotRun: I'm sorry to all who love it, but I can't stand absurdism art. This sounds just so ludicrous.
Mateorabi: It’s not the absurdism. It’s the low-effort, anyone-can-do-it, but it’s only art due to the artists reputation, plus some BS explanation for its deeper meaning, and a pretentious art world that eats it up.
delmuerte: That's a sad way to look at art, in general.
Wobbelblob: It is, but you have to admit that there is some really low effort art being displayed in museums or galleries. You can think different about varying art periods, but taking a banana and duct tape and gluing the banana to the wall or just slathering the floor in peanut butter is just, I don't know, lazy? At least make it look like you've spent some effort with it. That way I cannot blame anyone who thinks about art as money laundering front for the rich.
delmuerte: I mean, I may not like that kinda art at all, but to say it's lazy feels off. I'm a musician and I think of it in terms of...like, some of the best songs ever written were written by 17 years with zero understanding of music, just armed with 3 power chords, fury and a desire to sound like their favorite band. It's not for me to judge, I guess.
orchardrooster: Are you kidding. Give yourself some credit. You literally just told yourself that your musical ability can’t be compared to someone taping a fucking banana to a wall because you consider them both art. Jesus, your power chords must sound awful. Power chords are the “easy” way of making music. A banana isn’t fucking art.
delmuerte: Other people are free to judge how my power chords sound. There's plenty that do think they sound awful, there's also quite a lot who continue to pay to see them year after year. Again, it's subjective and judging it just by how long it takes to craft is lazy.
orchardrooster: I’m just stunned that you would equate these things. I’m not trying to insult you, but I play guitar recreationally, and would never play a random set of fingering and tell people that’s my “song.” How are you defending this stuff… like it’s insulting to art, it IS lazy
delmuerte: I'm just repeating myself at this point, but it's still art whether you like it or not. I don't, but that's just my opinion on it.
orchardrooster: I wasn’t trying to say “you” specifically, it is still art. You’re right. It’s such a weird conversation because it’s so individually biased. But you are right, I’ll concede that I was being too black and white
| 13 | 1,452.076923 | |
1656937890 | 1656945988 | t3_vr6dnw | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by letting my doctor's worry become my worry and visiting the emergency room three times in 1 1/2 weeks
[deleted]
chrisbe2e9: Nothing wrong with being carful! What if it had been something and you didn't go? this would be a TIFU story with a much worse ending.
Whysocomplicat3d: But my doctor could have checked that in her office, too, instead of making me do panic trips to the ER.. I just feel so damn guilty for wasting everyone's time
Noclue42AW: You did what your doctor told you to do. Sounds like it is your doctor’s FU. Not yours.
Whysocomplicat3d: Thanks.. I still feel bad that I let her panic get me. I don't feel good and i am sick. But my doctor is capable of treating this herself. I just feel guilty for wasting everyone's time
| 5 | 0.4 | |
1656940335 | 1656949835 | t3_vr74vy | t5_2to41 | 37 | fairlybear: TIFU by using a toilet in a dream
This just happened a few minutes ago. Obligatory on mobile so excuse formatting.
Okay, my dream wasn’t too crazy. I was just running away from some people in the woods— usual dream stuff. I ran into the bathroom of a building and locked myself in/ sat on the toilet. This is where in my dream I decided to urinate.
I wake up somewhat sluggish and my first thought is “Oh my god this better not be real life.” I checked the sheets and sure as shit I freaking PEED the bed! On white sheets! With my boyfriend sleeping next to me!!!
I literally rushed to clean up the mess with a washcloth and towel while I have an internal struggle about what to do. Do I wake up my man to let him know he’s sleeping in a pee soaked bed? Do I tell him that I wet the bed as an adult?
I ended up waking him up and he was totally cool about it. Not mad at all! Only reaffirmed why I love him so much. Totally the most embarrassing part of our relationship so far.
TLDR; Don’t use toilets in dreams, it makes a golden mess IRL.
derekecc: I can think of one thing worse than peeing the bed.
Samasher17: The Holocaust.
derekecc: Um I was more thinking pooping the bed is worse than peeing it.
existential_prices: That's still not as bad as the Holocaust
Samasher17: Yeah the Holocaust is way worse than that bro come on.
| 6 | 6.166667 | |
1656934673 | 1656995336 | t3_vr5fxw | t5_2to41 | 53 | YouKnowWhoIAm2016: TIFU by not washing my hands properly after a basketball game
I’m dealing with this as I type - here’s hoping I can finish the story!
So I’m an early 30’s guy, couple little kids, HS teacher so reasonably active without actually being fit or anything. I used to play basketball as a kid and I’d picked it up again just socially with a guy/girl team all ages sorta thing for a couple seasons before COVid hit. I was unfit and subbed myself off every 10 minutes, but other than that the body held up reasonably well. Fast forward to after COVid lockdowns, I’ve started playing again in some division 4 comp with a couple of mates. Somehow, in the time I took off because everything was shut down, I turned into an old man.
As in, plantar fasciitis.
Only flares up after basketball, but super painful- like can’t step anywhere on that foot painful. Went to the physio, he gave me some stretches, told me to take a couple weeks off basketball, fair enough.
I came back and played tonight. I hardly jogged, just stood under the hoop and used my 110kg/240lb mass to shaq the other team.
Still came home sore though. So here’s the FU.
I thought I’d try putting deep heat on my foot since it was starting to really hurt. Now I’m dumb but I’m not drunk. I put a sock over my foot and washed my hands. Thing is, deep heat is hard to get off your hands. I figured “eh, I got enough”, and sat down on the lounge to scroll reddit. This is getting dicey so I’m gonna hurry up now.
I did what most guys do on the lounge when they’re on their own. I put my hand down my track pants and scratched around/cupped my balls. Cupped them for a while before I started to feel a heat starting to build on them. Realised too late. Now my balls are roasting and I very much regret not scrubbing my hands properly.
tldr/ put deep heat on my foot after basketball, didn’t wash my hand properly and then cupped a handful of my balls sitting on the couch, now they’re roasting and I’m regretting past decisions
Setthegodofchaos: This is gonna sound dumb, but what's deep heat? Is it like icy hot?
YouKnowWhoIAm2016: Yeah, must be an Aussie brand
| 3 | 17.666667 | |
1656944365 | 1656955517 | t3_vr8gwz | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by not communicating with my fiancée about being around my ex for fireworks
[deleted]
SuperPineapple123: I think you are thinking you're doing what's best but seriously... so many relationships don't do this. If o was your fiancé of be feeling all sorts of things that would make me question Marriage withyou.
Some things make sense, like an er visit out a school recital or a basketball game. But spending 4th of July, bro what the heck are you doing? Drop your kid off and go spend time with your fiancé. This should be a no brainer. Why are you not seeing it properly? And "forgetting" to tell your fiancé... are you sure you want to move on because everything here says, no.
CASTePhYRusIO: I want to move on. I would love to go spend time with my fiancé, but she doesn’t live here at the time. Not much “spending time” I can do other than calling and/or texting her asking how her day was.
SuperPineapple123: OK. That totally makes sense, sorry about missing that. My bad. But still would not be spending time with your ex and her family.
What halogens when her new guy comes around and doesn't like you there? Or is your fiancé spending time with her ex and his family, how would you feel about that? Or better, how does she feel about you doing it? If she's fine, then no problem.
But if you still are attached to your ex, then break off with your fiancé and see if something is there with her. It would make raising your kid easier for you. Not saying you would do it because it's easier, that's just the byproduct.
I wish you luck on this though.
CASTePhYRusIO: You’re right. That’s why this is the last year I’m doing it.
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1656944489 | 1656945216 | t3_vr8ifk | t5_2to41 | 58 | ContentPumpkin: TIFU by using my digestive tract as the grounds for a science experiment
This is going to be pretty bad, so if bodily function bothers you- please skip over this.
I have ulcerative colitis and another health condition that requires me to take 10,000 mg of sodium a day to prevent fainting (POTs). Finding a happy medium of water/electrolyte intake is a struggle especially when I'm not feeling well and having a heart episode.
While sitting on the toilet with the usual colitis issues (nausea, pain, constipation, indigestion, and an upset stomach) I grabbed my nearest stomach medication to help relieve some of the symptoms. I took peptobismol. This is NOT what you want to take when you're constipated. So between bowl movements, I ran to my dresser that has all of my medications laid out and grabbed my trusty stool softener and looked at the directions.
In my desperation of wanting my pain to end and trying to rush back to the toilet to force a bowel movement, I misjudged how much of the medication I should take. The directions say for an adult to take 1-6 pills within a 24 hour period and it should produce movement in around 12-24 hours. You can see where I'm going with this.
Since I took peptobismol, I figured one would cancel it out and leave me where I started. Then I thought about how the mixture the ER gave me a few months back when I was diagnosed didn't start working for 17 hours when it was supposed to take 30 minutes, so I figured half a dose would be a good medium. I took 4 pills.
As soon as those pills hit my stomach, all hell broke lose. If you've ever wondered if you take an anti diarrheal and a stool softener at the same time, which would win- its the stool softener.
TL;DR: Anti diarrheal vs stool softener? Stool softener wins
HulkJr87: 10g of sodium a day, your poor body.
I mean, congrats on the relief, but you face a daily shitfight with POTs and UC
ContentPumpkin: Yeah my nutritionist was angry when the top suggested meal to meet my sodium requirements was a bigmac meal
HulkJr87: Haha great idea with UC, NOT! ☺️
| 4 | 14.5 | |
1656947464 | 1656948413 | t3_vr9kjv | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by not eating enough protein for 10+ years
[deleted]
topcat5: You should talk to a doctor. You don't need that amount of protein to be healthy.
Dont_Ban_Me_Bros: No kidding, what is this 200g business??
[some literature](https://www.gainful.com/blog/how-much-protein-can-your-body-absorb/)
gator3531: I agree with this in terms of “being healthy” but I think OP has surpassed the general sense of being healthy and was wondering why he hasn’t been improving in the direction he would like to see.
It’s fairly common for people to shoot for their body weight in grams of protein while building muscle.
Don’t be too hard on yourself OP. At least in the United States (not to assume where you’re from) it seems like most people are lacking a basic understanding of nutrition. Especially when it comes to portioning your macronutrients. At least you know now!
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1656949716 | 1656950458 | t3_vradtx | t5_2to41 | 8 | Realconquerorchen: TIFU by forgetting my calculator has a button for negative numbers
Obligatory this happened a few months ago.
So one day my math class was taking a test, and I was trying to use my calculator. However, I realized that there wasn't a button to turn numbers negative, and this was especially troublesome because the test was about doing arithmetic with both positive and negative numbers. I decide to use the calculator despite this major inconvenience(that's an oxymoron right there), and end up getting majorly frustrated at having to keep track of all the numbers I was doing math with, as well as having to insert a crap-ton of parentheses whenever I wanted to include a negative number in my calculations, and dealing with my calculator's very confusing way of backspacing.
Eventually I decided to voice my frustrations to my teacher who, lo and behold, points out that there is a button for turning numbers negative that my moronically forgetful self had not seen for the past half hour or so.
TL;DR minor fuck-up in school when I forgot my calculator had a button for negative numbers, end up wasting time on my math test and getting frustrated because of my stupidity.
Kitsyfluff: You couldnt use scratch paper?
Realconquerorchen: I honestly didn't think of that, then again me not thinking properly is what led to this fuckup in the first place
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1656948774 | 1656953225 | t3_vra1qb | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU By trying to open a glass bottle wrong
[deleted]
DovahFerret: So basic first aid for bleeding cuts is elevate above the heart and put pressure on it to stop the bleeding.
Papercuts "hurt" more than deeper cuts because for deeper cuts, your nervous system goes "hey we need to numb the pain cause it hurts pretty bad", whereas a papercut, your body is like "this is but a scratch, just suffer"
It honestly sounds like you should have gotten medical attention. Please do so asap, just to make sure nothing is going on. Did you clean it in any way, or just slap a bandage on? Either way, please go to an urgent care or something when you get back to civilization, literally just show them this reddit post, and make sure your injury is taken care of. Especially with broken glass involved, that could easily get nasty.
Intelligent_Row_6851: We’re supposed to leave today so I’ll probably see a doctor when we get back
DovahFerret: Please, please do.
I hope everything turns out okay!
| 4 | 2 | |
1656952982 | 1656955735 | t3_vrblu7 | t5_2to41 | 77 | yourdadisabean: TIFU Talks Episode #25 Got a story to share? Come share it on TIFU Talks!
George7520: Hey hey
yourdadisabean: Hey :)
George7520: wondering what the story behind your username is....🤔
domdom023: WTF YOU MEAN. HIS DAD IS A FUCKIN BEAN CAN'T YOU READ ?!?!?!
/jk
George7520: WHAT DO YOUU MEAN?!?;! CLEARLY YOUUUR DAD IS A BEAN
yea obvs /s
domdom023: No u.
George7520: 🥲that hurt my feewings
| 8 | 9.625 | |
1656953704 | 1656965831 | t3_vrbv14 | t5_2to41 | 8 | camgurls: TIFU by being addicted to cam girls
I’m probably going to spend most of today anticipating when my favorite cam girls are going to go online. When they finally do I’m probably going to spend all of my money on them in one night and then tell myself how stupid I am for spending so much money the next morning. It’s a cycle that I can’t seem to break.
I find a new cam girl I like each week. I think about her all day. I’m constantly checking my phone to see if she’s online. When she is she takes all my focus and her cam show is the only thing I give my attention to for hours. I really wish I would stop but I’m addicted.
I think sometimes people underestimate how addicting cam girls can be. When you don’t have girls to talk to in real life but you have these cam girls that show off for you and talk to you it kinda makes you feel better but temporarily. I have a lot of things I could be working on today to get myself further in life. I could be cleaning my room, studying for school, or trying to start a business but I’m too busy watching porn.
Tl;Dr I spend too much time watching cam girls
NostradaMart: the fuck is wrong with you boi ? those women only talk to you because you pay for it. there's no gratification to get from there.
kgkebwkql: Calm down, you act like you never did something because you were horny.
OP, i know it is hard, but try to talk to somebody aboout your problem. Dont be embarasst, we have all done stupid things, but get some help before it is too much for you to handle.
NostradaMart: Actually, nothing THAT stupid. picking a field just to be the onlyman is stupid. OP's not 14 anymore...time to grow up.
kgkebwkql: Maybe he is of he is still studying for school?
NostradaMart: shit mistook the threads lol. forget the thing about being the only dick in the place.
Seems to be a massive self esteem issue on op's part...
| 6 | 1.333333 | |
1656954525 | 1656955573 | t3_vrc65l | t5_2to41 | 16 | hotteacherz: TIFU by trying to talk to hot teachers
[removed]
Worst_Player_Ever: Umm... what's the tifu exactly here?
dakkonwastes: His career choice. He chose it based on its gender ratios.
Edit:better word choice
Worst_Player_Ever: Oh...that's sad
| 4 | 4 | |
1656859623 | 1656999207 | t3_vqj7aw | t5_2to41 | 7 | Dizzy_Ad9853: TIFU by putting too much emotion in friendship
Every-Leave3861: Honestly, I understood… but I hope you see you’re much more of an individual and you’ll find better people. Obviously it’s okay to mourn and feel terrible and feel your emotions
Dizzy_Ad9853: Thanks for the kind words, stranger. Really needed it.
Not sure if I will find a better friend. But I am slowly coping with the situation.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1656954035 | 1656986464 | t3_vrbzny | t5_2to41 | 958 | Ok_Wish4469: TIFU by mistaking a water spray bottle for a rubbing alcohol spray bottle and ended up blinding me and my gecko
So I have a 10ish year old leopard gecko named Echo. And one of the things I do to care for Echo is use a spray bottle of water to keep her moist. In my opinion, I think she likes it. However, I also have a bottle of rubbing alcohol is for cleaning the tank that she lives in. It is also in a spray bottle very similar to the one I have for the water. But I keep it in a different place when I'm not cleaning up the tank. But today, after I let the tank air out for a couple of hours. I put Echo back in the tank and gave her the normal water spray. But she started freaking out and I was really confused. So think the liquid in the bottle was water. I decided to spray myself in the face with it. Gave myself two big sprays of it before my brain could register the burning of my eyes. I then noticed that I had left the rubbing alcohol bottle next to the water spray bottle. So I then carefully grabbed Echo, who was still freaking out at this point (was totally expecting that her tail would fall off with this much stress she was going through) and took her to the bathroom sink and filled it up with water. I then gave her a "bath", which consisted of me carefully putting water on her face till she stopped freaking out and calmed down. After letting the tank air out again, I put Echo back in it. And like her typical self, she was a pain to get back into the tank. Kept wanting to climb up my arms to rest on my back. Which is quite awkward trying to get her off my back. So I tried googling if rubbing alcohol was toxic for my Gecko, but the only result was that it was safe to clean the tank with. Not if it was good to have contact with the skin of the gecko. So the next day, I took her to a specialist vet and she basically told me that it was a very stupid thing that I did, but that rubbing alcohol was not toxic to her. Was it very painful and stressful for her. Certainly. And that she was very lucky to not lose her tail.
Ah. So, I think I will get a different spray bottle for the rubbing alcohol and hope Echo will forgive me for this situation.
Edit1: No, I didn't permanently blind myself, the rubbing alcohol was very painful and made it very difficult to see for a short time. Also, thank you for those telling me to label the bottle. I however went and purchase a pump spray bottle for the water.
Edit2: Here is a link to the same story, but I included a picture of Echo my gecko. [https://www.reddit.com/r/geckos/comments/vs2obg/accidentally\_blinded\_me\_and\_my\_gecko\_with\_rubbing/](https://www.reddit.com/r/geckos/comments/vs2obg/accidentally_blinded_me_and_my_gecko_with_rubbing/)
TL;DR Mistaken a spray bottle of water from a spray bottle of rubbing alcohol and ended blinding me and my gecko
A-dog-named-Trouble: You could also just spray yourself first every time as a test.
Muninwing: A piece of red duct tape will do the same minus the blindness.
twohedwlf: Does he now have any siblings or children instead of potentially ruining a perfectly good piece of tape?
Ok_Wish4469: Are you suggesting to spray my siblings? That's a amazing idea
IHaveNoLifeJK: Wow, I've never thought of that! 😃
| 6 | 159.666667 | |
1656956308 | 1656965056 | t3_vrcu07 | t5_2to41 | 21 | TrulyHappyBoi: TIFU by replacing my ISP with Starlink
Well, more like "Today it just hit me how bad I fucked up", but meh. I haven't had an uninterrupted connection lasting longer than 10 minutes since last year. It used to be fine, great actually, but they just completely flopped. Usually I get about 30 seconds to 1 minute before it disconnects. Doesn't matter where I put it, if I reboot it, nothin'. Most of my social life takes place online, so it's been a struggle not to literally go insane with isolation. We thought that since we live out in the middle of nowhere, Starlink would be a great choice (or at least better than the dogshite internet we had before). Let me tell you, I sincerely regret this decision. At least the old guys weren't run by the dumbest billionaire and had little to no disconnects. I much prefere slow but stable than moderate but completely unreliable internet.
tl;dr, don't even look at Starlink for another 10 years, it's not even *remote*ly (ha) ready.
Zlifbar: You mean a musk company over promised and under delivered?????
RichardJohnson38: I'm surprised the modem hasn't spontaneously combusted yet.
ninernetneepneep: And killed women and small children.
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1656955761 | 1656971373 | t3_vrcmqb | t5_2to41 | 9 | deadmoby5: TIFU by balancing takeaway fish and chips on my laptop bag
I was walking home from work (doing a little extra over the weekend) and I fancied some fish and chips from the local takeaway restaurant. They put my order in a couple of takeout boxes, and I walked home.
As I was opening the front door, I needed an arm to unlock and get inside, so I balanced the takeout boxes on my laptop bag, which was slung over my shoulder. I got in, picked up the boxes and had dinner.
The next morning I get to work, open my bag and find it smells distinctly of fish. During that daring manoeuvre from the night before, I had spilled the grease from my dinner into my laptop bag, which had congealed overnight. It had covered my laptop, its power cable, several papers and the walls of my laptop bag.
I spent about half an hour this morning wiping everything down, throwing out some ruined documents and admitting my foolish endeavour to a few colleagues. I will take the advice they gave past some stifled laughter and ask for a f\*\*\*ing bag next time.
TL;DR I spilled the grease from my fish and chips into my work bag, not realising I had done so until the next day
Grammar-Notsee_: You need to find a new chip shop if the food's *that* greasy!
deadmoby5: I'm not gonna lie, it's a popular spot in this town, and the food is tasty, but I do get your point.
| 3 | 3 | |
1656960108 | 1656960539 | t3_vre86n | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: TIFU by having a party at my Aunts house
[deleted]
jennystonermeyer: TL:DR
Aunt says no friends
You brought friends
Everyone mad at your choices
Ok-Ranger-2900: Very true lol it’s my bad I owned up to it
jennystonermeyer: Your TL didn't match what you wrote. So has to TL it for you.
Happy birfsday
Ok-Ranger-2900: I like yours more
jennystonermeyer: Woooord
| 6 | 0.166667 | |
1656959732 | 1657027086 | t3_vre35p | t5_2to41 | 46 | yurienul: TIFU by sending my suicidal friend a paragraph from Google.
Their family is breaking apart in terms of both mental and physical health and they're in a tough situation right now and were debating ending their life.
Honestly, I didn't know what to say. They kept on venting and letting everything out which I didn't mind at all but then... came time for me to reply. I panicked. Searched Google. And copied the first paragraph it gave me.
It had sentences saying how much I love them, and that they're strong and can get through this, and I'll always be by their side etc... I was left on opened for a few minutes until I got a notification and when I tapped it, it said "From Google? Really?".
My heart dropped. They apologised for making me go through this and being forced to listen to their problems and promised they won't bother me about this again. That was not my intention at all! I just panicked and didn't know what to say, which didn't make the situation any better.
TL;DR — sent them a paragraph from google because I panicked and they found out and I made things worse
P.S. Before anyone says "seek professional help", I hope you can understand that not everyone around the world can afford it.
C00lK1d1994: Honestly I would’ve responded the same way. You couldn’t take 2 minutes to think before you replied? You’re someone they apparently trusted enough to confide in and they get a Google copy and paste. That was incredibly dismissive and uncaring. I cannot conceive of doing that to someone I call a friend.
Major F-up. If I were them I’d never feel I could confide in you again. Christ you could have at least said hey that was a lot I need a second to think. Or just called and said what’s going on.
A_Bored_Canadian: Yeah I'd never even think of copy pasting Google as a response to suicide. Christ what a stupid thing to do.
Flimsy_Explanation30: Honestly it depends, the person probably has problems communicating or expressing their feelings. What they did wasn’t wrong, but i think they should have read it and made sure it was suitable
ChonkPolice: Reddit is like an 18 year old insecure judgemental bitch. The older you get, you'll start to think more gray instead of black and white. People are complex and we all do many stupid things. It's the intention that counts!
You had good intentions OP! You were just clumsy and you learned something today. Communicate your good intentions, tell them you are sorry and that you learned from this. Ignore the judgemental kids, they are a normal part of the population and they too will learn from their mistakes as long as they don't stop thinking critically.
Flimsy_Explanation30: Agreed
| 6 | 7.666667 | |
1656951627 | 1656970206 | t3_vrb3jw | t5_2to41 | 4 | Abstracted_11: TIFU by failing to buy tickets to my own graduation from uni (uk based)
Hi everyone. I’ve spent the last 2 years working full time while studying for my Masters Degree in Interior Design.
While I’ve enjoyed the learning, these past 2 years have been HARD.
My fiancé nearly died from the cheese panini early 2021 (as in, was in hospital intensive care, we said goodbye to each other, nearly died) my grandmother passed from Alzheimer’s, I was made redundant and found a new job, got diagnosed with ADHD… the list goes on and on.
Despite this, I passed my masters with a distinction 3 months ago, and have been waiting patiently for the invite to get tickets to graduation. Unlike the US, graduation in the UK only happens at uni, not at school, so it’s a pretty massive occasion. Having said that I think some schools might be going a bit more Americanised but I don’t know - I’m old and out of touch now, lol.Either way, back in my day there was no graduation from school.
My last graduation from uni was a bit rubbish, so I’ve been proper excited about this. I was gonna do it all properly, with the super expensive professional fake smile pics and EVERYTHING. Been saving up to take the family out for a big meal too.
So today I checked my inbox (missed a week as I’ve been on holiday) and saw a group email from my tutor saying that my uni had confirmed that they’d sent out all the graduation invites last month and the deadline had passed to get tickets, but we needed to make sure we’d got our gowns etc hired ready for the day.
I panicked. I’ve phoned my tutor, the uni, sent emails to admin staff all over the place.
It turns out that the email for the graduation invites came from a different email address to the normal uni emails, and so it went straight into my junk. It wasn’t automatically sorted into my junk, I saw a dodgy looking email from an unknown email address (all caps subject that cut off the word “graduation”) and I PUT IT IN THE JUNK FOLDER MYSELF. Then the reminder emails automatically sorted into the junk folder with no further interaction from me.
The admin staff pointed out that they also sent it to my uni specific email address - the one I stopped using after I had an email saying that I would be losing access to it soon after finishing the course material, which I finished 3 months ago.
I’ve sent one last email as an attempt to persuade the graduation ceremony organisers to let me come, but I don’t think I’ve got much hope. Heartbroken that after so much hard work I’m going to be missing out on this, but I have literally no one but myself to blame.
TLDR: failing to read suspicious looking emails or check my uni email account means there’s a 99% chance I’m going to miss my own graduation.
EDIT:formatting. Sorry about the unreadability of the first attempt!
Fit_Ad_7681: That sucks dude. That kind of reminds me of something stupid my high school did a year after I graduated. Everyone in my high school had Google accounts, but we were never encouraged to use the emails associated with them. It was to the point that most people didn't even know they had emails through the school. Apparently for graduation that year the school sent something out to the school emails and got upset when so few people filled out the form. I remember making a comment that they shouldn't be relying on something they don't encourage the students to use for important things.
Abstracted_11: To be fair to the uni - the majority of their students do use that email (I did my BA in interior architecture with them) but my masters is through an educational partner - and it was because of this that I was told I would be losing access to the account. Turns out the partner was being overly cautious to get us to download anything we wanted to keep before we lost access (fair enough) but also resulted in me not using the email any more, assuming I would lose access earlier than normal students when in fact I did not. *sigh*
Fit_Ad_7681: It sounds like a wierd arrangement though. I still have access to my emails from both my college and grad school even though I graduated over a year and a half ago.
Abstracted_11: I know that when I graduated from my BA I lost my access about a month after graduation I think it’s because they need the server space. They have over 25,000 students, plus any educational partners they have (there are an additional 1000 with my partnership alone), and they have outposts all over the globe. It’s a pain in the arse though.
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1656964419 | 1656965458 | t3_vrfsom | t5_2to41 | 79 | ezhammer: TIFU by throwing football in the swimming pool.
This happened two hours ago. It’s a hot day, and a holiday so I decided to go to our apartment complexes pool. I was laying out in the sun for a while and decided to get in the water to soak and cool down. There was a few people throwing football where I was chilling out at. They asked me if I wanted to throw so I did. After a few minutes it was again my turn to catch the ball. The pass was way too high so I jumped as high as I could to catch it. I hadn’t tied my swimming shorts though and the sudden upward momentum of my body caused my shorts to stay where they were in the water. I was exploded down to my knees in mid air. Damn it I thought as I pulled my shorts back on once I was underwater. The pool was full of people and I’m sure at least half saw me. Nothing I could do so I just stood up and owned it, saying “well looks like I jumped out of my shorts there for a bit.” Kept throwing for a while then left.
TL;DR went swimming, forgot to tie shorts, flashed entire pool.
gemfountain: Hope the water wasn't too cold.
ezhammer: Unfortunately it was quite cold.
gemfountain: Sorry bout that if you have to go on display one would hope it to be impressive. There is a Seinfeld episode about that.
| 4 | 19.75 | |
1656955488 | 1658394540 | t3_vrcj53 | t5_2to41 | 60 | Jaboogada: TIFU by busting the door down on my girlfriend’s dad taking a naked shit
Obligatory disclaimers: this wasn’t actually today, it was like 5 years ago. Formatting may be strange, as I’m on mobile.
This is the account of what may well be the most embarrassing experience of my life. One fine summer’s evening, my ex-girlfriend (25F) and I (22M) were chilling in her room at her parents’ house when she got up and left wordlessly. After about 10 minutes, I began wondering where she’d gone, so I went looking for her. I figured she was probably getting ready for the party we were headed to that evening, so I went to check downstairs, but she was nowhere to be seen. I went back upstairs, where I took note of the closed bathroom door. And here, the FU begins.
“She must be in there putting on her makeup,” I thought. Their bathroom doorknob was broken, so you didn’t need to turn it: you just had to push the door open. I figured it would be funny to dramatically burst through the door and give her a startle. With all the strength I could muster, I wound up and absolutely elbow blasted that door open, full force. I was met with an unthinkable sight: my ex’s dad nakedly posted up on the porcelain throne, with a magazine in his hands and hate in his eyes. “HEY!!!” he bellowed! As we locked eyes, I felt my soul leave my body. I hastily uttered “ohmygodsorry” as I reached in to close the door.
I should mention at this point that my ex’s dad was an intimidating man. He was built like a tank, with a stoic demeanor and an unsmiling visage. We never spoke much. He was the type of dude to grunt in acknowledgement of my friendly greetings when I arrived at their house. After defiling his privacy, I panicked and ran downstairs, where I found my ex’s mom in the kitchen, along with her little brother and a few of his friends. Not knowing what to do, I recounted my FU to them and asked her mom how to proceed. She looked at me unblinkingly and proclaimed “I think you should leave.” The brother and friends were dying of laughter, as they knew that I had essentially just dug my own grave. At that moment, my ex emerged from the downstairs bathroom, where she had indeed been putting on makeup. I hadn’t thought she was in there because the door was open. She too was aghast at what I’d perpetrated.
I seriously contemplated leaving, but I knew that if I did, the awkwardness would never be resolved. What would I do, bring it up like “hey man, remember that time I rammed open the bathroom door and came face to face with your cock and balls?” No, I had to face the music if I ever wanted to set foot in that house again. I sat in that kitchen for about 10 minutes (which felt like an eternity,) as everyone repeatedly reminded me how fucked I was. At last I heard his heavy footsteps descending the stairs and the room went silent. He entered the kitchen, turned away from me, and began packing his meal for work. At a loss for how to mend my FU, I simply said “I am SO sorry,” to which he gruffly replied “if the door’s closed, that means somebody’s in there!”
I shit you not, dear reader, I could feel my heartbeat in my face. I was blushing so hard, you probably could’ve cooked an egg on my cheek in that moment. The spectators in the room were turning red too, as they struggled to contain their laughter at my shame. I thought for a moment before saying “that’s the type of mistake you don’t make twice,” and thank the lord, that was enough to make him chuckle. As he did, the tension in the room palpably lifted. He walked toward the door and thanked me when I wished him a good night. And that, my friends, is how I narrowly avoided strangulation at the hands of a rageful dad.
TLDR: Elbow blasted the door in on my ex’s scary dad forcing out a naked turd, then defused his wrath with some light humor
Ocean_Spice: >I figured it would be funny to dramatically burst through the door and give her a startle
Even if it had been her, this would not be funny. I don’t understand why so many men have such an issue with just giving people some privacy.
Jaboogada: I totally agree. When I look back on it, I cringe.
Gingin35: I would've thought it was funny
planethaley: I doubt you would’ve thought it was funny if you were his girlfriend and had been doing your eye make up when he burst in!!
No-Vacation3305: I have an irrational fear that someone will bust open the door when cleaning my ears with Qtips, hence shoving it into my eardrum. That's why I lock the door.
Also still can't do mascara without poking my eye 🤷♀️
planethaley: Hahah that doesn’t seem irrational to me - I also have a similar fear :D
| 7 | 8.571429 | |
1656969535 | 1657046149 | t3_vrhn90 | t5_2to41 | 436 | Dragon_Rider6829: TIFU by eating a booger in front of my next door neighbor
I (29f) am horrified writing this story but I felt it was too funny (and yes disgusting) to not share. I’m not a very good cook so many times I eat fast food a lot after work. With that I always have a whole stack of napkins that I stuff into my cars glove compartment. Today I had to run to the store and was waiting in the car for my husband to come out of the house so we could leave. I had my small dog in the car with me as well. To check my hair, I pulled down my visor to look in the mirror and recognized my nose had a small booger in it. Without even thinking I grab the booger with my pinky and open my glove compartment to get a napkin. But lo and behold THEY ARE GONE. So in a very small panic I knew I couldn’t wipe it on the seat (and yes afterwards I realized I could’ve simply gone inside my house and grabbed one) so instead and quickly put my pinky in my mouth and with horror swallow the little speck.
I turn and look to my left and I see my next door neighbor looking at me with a blank face. I didn’t even know he was there until it was too late. I feel disgusting and mortified and I will never speak to my neighbor again! Tifu bad!
TL;DR - Waiting in car, didn’t use napkins, ate booger and neighbor saw.
Big-Breadfruit-4894: Youre just a dirty girl. Embrace it.
Dragon_Rider6829: I am 😩
Big-Breadfruit-4894: Maybe he is into it.
inflatable_pickle: Plot twist: he’s so turned on that he had to go inside to hide his raging boner
Successful_You8758: Booger boner?
inflatable_pickle: Let *snot* get carried away here
| 7 | 62.285714 | |
1656971719 | 1656977307 | t3_vrieor | t5_2to41 | 24 | CommunicationEast623: TIFU by speaking Russian to Ukrainian refugees working in the local supermarket
First of all, let me clarify this is my friend's story, I was with him as it happened and he agreed for me to share his moment of dying inside with you guys.
So, the people envolved: me, an innocent bystander, my friend, a 20yo guy, blonde and green eyes which despite the fact he has no Russian origins, has been mistaken to be Russian many times in his vacations and two Ukrainian girls working at the local supermarket.
Me and my friend went to the supermarket to grab some drinks as we planned to have a drinking night, I was hosting, he was the first of the bunch available and I was in no mood to carry more than I have to.
We went grabbed our drinks, and what we needed for cocktails except for mint, which we couldn't find any, thus we went to ask. There we find the first girl of this story, which says she doesn't understand our language so we asked in English. Close to her, there was her friend, which guessed we wanted mint tea, but of course, it wasn't what we needed. My friend then explained we need the plant itself for putting it in cocktails and she then understood. The first girl left to show us where it is supposed to be, and my brilliant friend, before we left, tuned around, and in an attempt to be nice, said to the second girl: "Sorry, ja ne ponimaju po-ukrainski" or something like that (he learned some Russian as a joke from his father which had to learn Russian in school... ex-communist country, this, however, is just a Google Translate since he didn't know how to spell it) it should translate to something like " Sorry, I don't speak Ukrainian ". Now, happily the girl didn't seem to be taken aback or get shocked, or at least I assume so since my poor friend realized what he just did right after we left the aisle we were in. I didn't either, I just saw his jaw drop slightly and him grabbing his face inside his palms, then emitting the muffled scream you most likely expect him to do while saying "I just spoke Russian to a Ukrainian girl who just fled the country because of the Russians WHILE I LOOK LIKE ONE... ARGHHH". Poor guy... well, at least he didn't have the girl getting mad to make him feel worse, there was just my banter.
As for the mint, there wasn't any, that's why we couldn't find it.
I am sorry if this is not what you expected or something, but I really wanted to share this since the face he made was absolutely priceless... just as priceless as the banter he had to swallow after the fact.
TL;DR my friend try to be nice and make a genuine attempt of communicating with store employees, then I watched the life drain out of his face after he realized that while Russian is not very different (correct me if I am wrong) in the current circumstances, it is not what you may want to hear. He only got made fun of for a while.
Interesting-Month-56: Most Ukrainians speak Russian; Ukrainian is a russian dialect after all.
BeautifulBrownie: I don't think it's a dialect. It's a distinct language. I'm pretty sure Belarusian is a dialect of Ukranian (probably bad linguistics here, maybe Ukranian and Belarusian are two dialects of the same language is better).
zergaloid: They are three different languages, created independently and they have different alphabets.
There is something called "surzhik" though - a mix of Russian and Ukrainian, some people in central Ukraine speak it.
BeautifulBrownie: Thank you for your far more well-informed comment than mine. I was under the impression that Belarusian and Ukranian were mutually intelligible, but I could be off here.
| 5 | 4.8 | |
1656971885 | 1656974478 | t3_vrigmi | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by causing chaos at my daughter's childcare centre .
[deleted]
SsockSock: [Repost.](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/oe42nq/tifu_by_causing_chaos_at_my_daughters_childcare/)
Sad-Ad-6147: Good Catch!
| 3 | 4 | |
1656972979 | 1656980034 | t3_vriuor | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting alcohol poisoning
[deleted]
LuckyBastard8484: Your post history indicates you are lying.
PotentialAccess5401: I looked too. What makes you say that?
Duality26: The perceived age differences in OPs most recent posts. But I think they share an account. Husband is 23(m) and wife is 20(f), i think?
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1656949887 | 1656974597 | t3_vrag4a | t5_2to41 | 6 | boycrippled: Tifu by dropping hot weed wax on my leg
(So back story I’m disabled and been going through constant chronic pain) so I’m up late with chronic pain that feels like battery bleach acid fire flowing through my veins accompanied by tense restless legs syndrome. I’ve done every test under the sun available through my doctors and everything comes back with normal/good results which would be nice if the results by themselves could stop the pain but nope lol 😩 anyway the smallest way I remedy this (smallest because it doesn’t take away the pain fully but does take away some regardless) is what I usually do anyway which is to take dabs. Now I wanted to just take a hit or 5 quickly and get back to bed asap so I decided instead of using my bong I used my nectar collector which is basically a straw you heat up on one end and suck (weed juice) through (not really through,most of it turns into vapor) anyway I guess after I heated it up some old weed reclaim dripped out and hit my leg. It’s hurt like shit and I immediately new what happened I only felt what happened because my room was dark, I reached down searching for the wax on my leg but felt nothing with my hand so I chalked it up to more of my chronic pain bullshit and continued smoking. Then I laid in bed for a bit HERES THE EFF UP I moved my leg then RIIIIIIIIIIIIIP felt like a ton of hair got torn from my leg!!!!! I looked at my bed and there was wax smeared on my bed where my legs was. So basically the wax glued my leg to my bed and I ripped it off 😂 there was some wax still on my leg and I usually get wax off my hands with 99% rubbing alcohol so not thinking much of it I took a qtip dunked in isopropyl to my leg then STIIIIIIIIIIING! I knew I lost a few hairs but looking closely my leg is pink like I lost a lair of skin with the wax making IT RAW and my stupid ass slap a iso q tip on it 😂
TL;DR I accidentally dropped hot weed wax on my leg, glued it to my bead and ripped a lair of skin off
RudeSprinkles1240: The best mitigator of pain is different pain.
It's why scratching an itch helps the itch.
boycrippled: Valid
| 3 | 2 | |
1656980010 | 1656983185 | t3_vrl45l | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by calling my girl best fat
[deleted]
weissmanhyperion: My dude out here being [Stephen A Smith](https://youtu.be/itpypeHV-iM) on call, what a savage. Yeah you're not gonna have a chance with anyone being this blunt.
weissmanhyperion: Here is a rule to live by, do not use the word *but*. Once you say that word, everything you said before loses their meaning.
Here is another way of conveying the same meaning.
I can see why you would think that, here is what I think.
For example:
I can see why you think no one seems to be interested in you, I think you should initiate the conversation with guys more. Guys want gals to make the first move too, it makes starting the conversation much easier because we no longer need an ice breaker because you've already done that for us. It's also a huge confidence booster because guys generally do not get compliments at all. Knowing someone starts the conversation with you for the purpose of a romantic relationship keeps the boys awake at night.
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1656979839 | 1656987904 | t3_vrl2bq | t5_2to41 | -8 | DomMommy69: TIFU by sleeping with a minor
[removed]
HspitonYou: You drove 7 hours to sleep with stranger , right there is the first red flag you need serious self refection and a little self pride/ self esteem.
On the other hand after reading your screen name, I understand a little, you are bored and wanted to tell a titillating story, now you have done it, you get a little attention from more strangers. So, I see your point, that is what reddit is for so congratulations. Now go to bed.
DomMommy69: Yeah I see. You are just angry people are living in the way the want and do what they want. Well good luck with that.
What I do I none of your business
I posted this here because I read a lot of stories on this sup Reddit and I wanted to share something I don’t really go around telling everyone about irl.
So if you are not gonna comment on the main story maybe mind you own business
HspitonYou: Hey, I understand your are needing some attention, and glad you found a way to get it here. Most people here are bored enough to play along, so you haven't harmed anyone.
Your title is a off-putting, to intimate screwing minors is ok. That should be a fantasy you keep to your self. It is most generally very unhealthy for minors to be screwed by adults. We would not a title to a post to seem to give permission to pedos that they have good company or that their acts can be over looked in any way.
DomMommy69: Oh sorry for putting what actually happened in the title I didn’t know we shouldn’t do that, also that’s the whole point of the TIFU thing cuz it’s a fuck up. It’s not a cute fantasy story unless that’s how u r viewing it. If you read the story you’ll probably see that I’m not saying img look it me i effed a minor. What I’m saying is I was lied to by a person who turned out to be a minor and I’m taking the blame for it because it was my fault for not picking up on all the red flags.
Also you are talking about being bored while u literally didn’t leave a post on this sup Reddit without commenting on it lol
| 5 | -1.6 | |
1656983602 | 1658678187 | t3_vrm5ts | t5_2to41 | 51,903 | KitchenCookie6287: TIFU by trying to sterilize myself.
In my country, vasectomies and ocherktomies are very expensive and my wife saw in a documentary that farm animals are castrated by tying an elastic band over their testicles cutting the flow of blood and the tissue dies, yeah wow that seems like a good idea to me i said, none of us want to have children anyway and we're both drunk so lets try it out, what can go wrong..
Well I put on the rubber band and it doesn't seem very painful at first, surprisingly it was comfortable we even had sex, well, well, I went to sleep and suddenly I vomit, I go then to the bathroom and I feel like I'm going to give birth, the most intense pain of my life oh lord, my balls were already purple, my knees were so weak i couldn't walk, I'm trembling with pain on the floor I just start screaming ,
my wife ends up cutting the damn rubber with scissors and the relief was immediate.
TL;DR I tied an elastic band over my balls to sterilize myself -> Pain -> Wife saved the day again by cutting that shit off.
sunrise_d: Well that was dumb.
turtley_different: Nearly necrotizing his own testicles and wrecking his hormones forever as a cheeky vasectomy alternative?
Yeah. Dumb is the word.
tweakingforjesus: This is what a world without reproductive health care options looks like.
beerbeforebadgers: Honestly, if these services were available at low cost he probably never would have sought out a dangerous alternative.
HUH, WONDER IF THATS RELEVANT TO ANYTHING ELSE GOING ON RIGHT NOW?
EmergencyChimp: Are you comparing vasectomies to murdering babies?
luapowl: if you consider aborting a literal fetus “murdering babies”, then it would seem odd to consider a male destroying the capacity for creation, storage and distribution of gametes to be so different. both involve an individual making a choice about their own body that prevents the potential of a child/children forming.
unless, ofc, it isnt actually about that. holding these two positions would be at least consistent, however, if you were concealing a desire for women to lose control over their own body… funny that.
EmergencyChimp: You can't escape the fact that abortion is ending a Human life. There is no way around that fact regardless of your mental gymnastic skills.
Bowdensaft: You can't escape the fact that ectopic pregnancies end two human lives. There is no way around that fact regardless of your mental gymnastic skills.
EmergencyChimp: Yikes. Using a rare medical condition requiring medical intervention that causes 0.5 deaths per 100K live births in an effort to justify widespread abortion...Pretty low of you.
Bowdensaft: "Sorry but your devastating medical condition that will kill both you and your barely-developed foetus horrifically isn't common enough for us to be allowed to correct it, better get that will written before time's up!"
EmergencyChimp: Who said life saving procedures needed in these situations wouldn't be allowed?
Bowdensaft: SCOTUS when they overturned Roe V Wade, its been in the news a lot recently.
EmergencyChimp: You're seriously saying you think that would result in Drs/surgeons not being able to remove an ectopic pregnancy? What would that achieve? You think the goal is to end up with a dead mother and a dead fetus?
supersecretaqua: It's already happening but your low tier bait doesn't account for that :\^(
EmergencyChimp: Link me to some cases?
supersecretaqua: Doctors are consulting their lawyers and withholding care causing complications as a result. It's not news. It's happening everywhere. You'll never see anything if your head is sewed inside your ass. It's not within my capabilities nor responsibilities to even remotely begin your path to using your brain.
You are on the wrong side with the wrong view and wrong data. Pathetic religious trash. Too bad really, waste of resources. If only you even slightly tried.
EmergencyChimp: Ha. I'm not religious in the slightest. Religious people are dumb.
All I see is science and facts.
Imagine thinking you're on the right side of history wanting to abort babies lol.
supersecretaqua: You don't see either of those you pathetic red puppy
It's literally contradicted in your same comment, all of your kind are easy to spot and it's genuinely just sad. Too bad really, your degree of stupid is incurable and highly damaging. Hope your parents are already unable to vote. And I hope every woman who ever even wants an abortion on a whim has one the moment they do. And I hope you feel every one in your twisted and blind little soul.
EmergencyChimp: lol. Nice Ad hominem again. I literally couldn't care less about your hopes and dreams and I imagine no one else does either.
Red puppy? My parents unable to vote? What on Earth are you talking about? Not had your meds today?
You are a very sad and bitter individual. Perhaps one day you'll work out why you are so filled with hate and work through it with a counselor or something.
supersecretaqua: Awh yeah mommy taught you if anyone is mean it's because they're jealous and hateful, I get it. Hurts less than accepting your own pathetic behavior can impact how your interactions with others goes. Convenient really, works for stupidity of any shape and size.
So pathetic lmao. You're wrong and there's endless evidence proving it. It's happening in at least 12 states off hand. I know someone personally who literally got turned away with an ectopic pregnancy. Luckily she was able to get to a doctor who's not a fucking idiot since. You saying "science and facts" doesn't mean anything little red puppy, you're wrong and people are suffering on behalf of what you're defending.
Byebye now, please don't ever vote or reproduce
EmergencyChimp: Wow. Good one. Still talking nonsense...
Don't you worry, I'll be voting and reproducing whilst you're sat seething in some shithole for the rest of your life trying to work out why your life is so unfulfilling.
Thankfully you will leave no mark on this planet when you go and everyone can carry on as if you were never here.
| 22 | 2,359.227273 | |
1656984324 | 1657001196 | t3_vrmd53 | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: Tifu by being genuinely creepy
[deleted]
nap497: Incredible, not a single punctuation mark.
Jackslice43: I’m on mobile can’t really be bothered to care if the subs rules don’t say it.
justsomeguy254: You can hit every other character but not a comma or a period? The fuck are you on about?
| 4 | 2 | |
1656985414 | 1656991648 | t3_vrmofz | t5_2to41 | 2 | Sixth_grade_drop_out: TIFU By telling my sixth grade teacher what spooning was.
I am an 11 year old douchebag (When this happened) that thought I could get away from doing work at school. It all started when my school district decided to give each and every kid a laptop, (just for some clarification it was this cheap AF public school district that barely could afford school supplies) oh big mistake as I found the wonderful world of YouTube, Spotify, Twitch, ect... So I decided to not pay attention to class and watch YouTube ALL. DAY. LONG.
Naturally my grades tanked, but it wasn't because I couldn't do it, no, it was because I didn't want to (EX: On my final important test in each and every class I had gotten an a-b on each) this is important later.
So here is where I fuc*** up. on a very important final test a question asked please come up with a past tense verb or something. so I decided to go with Spooned. "The act of assault performed on a person with a spoon" note that I had not known what this had meant at the time and thought it was funny.
Well the very next day she singled me out in the middle of class and asked what Spooned means? So I calmly told her "it is when someone is hit with a spoon"
I still ended up getting full credit on my test but no one in my class talked to me ever again after that.
TLDR I had to explain to my sixth grade teacher that being spooned is the act of previously being hit with a spoon in front of my whole class making myself look like an idiot.
Burmina: Where is the tldr? You actually need to include one...
Sixth_grade_drop_out: Sorry I forgot to put it in my post I'll try to correct that rq
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1656988181 | 1656998911 | t3_vrnhoh | t5_2to41 | 5 | Zealousideal_Ad_2707: TIFU by trying to help my cousin make the right decision
2 weeks ago it was just me ( 16 M) and my cousin (15 M) hanging out in his room were just laughing and showing each other’s stupid stuff on the internet until he started talking about getting back with his ex, I started to get worried because he was unstable and have family problems, depression, trauma, etc… I who was similar to him said he shouldn’t get back to her and it’ll just ruin him even more. He then got frustrated and quietly said to me “sometimes it’s best when you shut up” it broke me completely, I was speechless for about 10 minutes and it was completely silence, he said it was awkward and I continued to say it isn’t while trying to hold my tears in because I know he’s suffering and I’m willing to put down everything and be there for him. He got more annoyed and told me to go home, I tried my best holding in my tears said “fine”, I took my things head out for the door, while I was trying to get my bike from outside I heard his fist hit the shelves and ignored it. I took my bike and tried to get on it, the bike broke down and I dragged it home as I was crying.
TL;DR tried helping out my unstable cousin with few minor problems and shared my opinions as a result I got kicked out of the house.
mesalikeredditpost: I think labeling him as unstable is uour issue causing this. Remember you're both kids so don't preemptively judge based only on what you assumed you knew. Telling him directly to just stop was good intentions but the actual impact matters more. Take this as a learning lesson and be careful with what you advise as it can be interpreted different from what you assumed
Zealousideal_Ad_2707: Thank you for the advice, I’ll keep that in mind. If you have more to say please give me more advice, much appreciated.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1656985734 | 1657008187 | t3_vrmrrx | t5_2to41 | 24 | whitefroggy: tifu by trying to save my dogs life
so i was playing around with my dog and then i got the urge to pee, so i went to the bathroom for a bit. she is a bit of a troublemaker so typically i wouldn’t leave her alone but i wasn’t going to be gone for long so i just went.
well after i got out of the bathroom i came back and saw my dog in the living room with something in her mouth. i didn’t really think anything of it cause she’s a puppy and she bites literally everything, but then i got a closer look at it. she had some brown thing with little white flecks on top of it.
i started freaking out because i thought it was a chocolate bar with nuts or white sprinkles or something that she somehow grabbed from the pantry or the table. so i snatched it out of her mouth i discovered that it was my cats poop… she went to the litter box, grabbed not one but two pieces of my cats poop and dragged it into the living room to snack on it… i knew as soon as i felt it in my hand that it was poop as she does this kind of frequently, i’m just mad at myself for not realizing
tldr i picked up cat poop because i thought it was chocolate
Zealousideal_Cup2861: That’s rough, at least your dog didn’t got outside and rub itself in its own dog shit and a dead toad, then proceed to come inside, rub itself against walls and then finally jump up into your bed whilst you are in it and go crazy rubbing itself against you and your bed. Then once you got your dog outside and cleaned you and your bed and walls up, you decide to bring it in for a bath. Turns out your dog wasn’t finished and proceeded to do a sloppy shit in your bath tub where you were washing it. You drain the water and fill it up again to wash it but now your bathroom permanently smells of dog shit
Ranchy7576: You’ve been through stuff
| 3 | 8 | |
1656986771 | 1656992204 | t3_vrn2mn | t5_2to41 | 21 | mexicanmamba30: TIFU I caused my oldest brother to be crushed
Boy do I have a story I have 8 siblings 4 brothers and 4 sisters. All have different parents with the exception of same mom or dad. My oldest brother I love to heart however its been 5 years since I've saw him. Me and my brother just saw him the other day. And it really embrighten him I felt bad because 1 I haven't seen him and 2 it took me for my grandma to pass away to see him again
Now we had a house cleanup for my grandma and my oldest brother was taking the death pretty hard I could hear it from his voice and body language. It was hard to see as I was helping with the cleanup then I was with him in his room and he had all sorts of consoles and etc.
One of them was a Nintendo 3ds in which my other brother thought looked cool and he asked for it and he said maybe but never said yes. I come to find out the next day that my brother took it without asking as he told me that my oldest brother gave it to him. My oldest brother was crushed thought he could trust us. I believe it was my fault because my other brother is known for taking after asking even if someone tells him no. The 3ds was important because it was the last thing my grandma gave to him. I have to be aware of that situation I swear its my fault our oldest brother missed us and for me and my brother to go there and break that trust hurts. I really do hope he forgives me I love u Andrew 💓
TL;DR: Saw my oldest brother in 5 years hangout with him, brother stole something valuable and is now crushed, in which I knew that he was like that and didn't do anything.
Legarchive: Holy mother of grammar. Misleading headline too. I thought that was gonna be a way different story.
pescadoamado: I'm glad he didn't get a steamroller?
| 3 | 7 | |
1656990908 | 1656992206 | t3_vrob2b | t5_2to41 | 9 | Lumpy-Edge4841: TIFU by running over a cat
Happened earlier today. Was driving along a country road ~60mph with my wife in the passenger seat on her phone. I noticed an animal that I thought was a squirrel in the road, and started to swerve around it to the left, then I noticed the animal was laying on it's back and twitching, clearly suffering. I said "oh no" and for some reason made the split decision to end the animal's suffering and steered back to the right. My wife heard me and looked up. Just before impact, the animal turned it's head and we both saw clearly that it was a cat, not a squirrel. At that point, it was too late for me to alter course. The whole thing start to finish was probably 2-3 seconds. It made a thump as I ran it over and my wife immediately was very upset and asking me why I did that. I told her I saw that it had already been hit and was twitching, and that I thought it was a squirrel, so I wanted to end it's suffering. She said we could've stopped and taken it to the vet and that it could've recovered. I still don't think it could've recovered (it looked to me like a broken neck/back, although obviously it was only a quick glance) but told her I regretted doing that. She sounded disgusted and said she didn't understand how that would be my first instinct. For context I grew up hunting, and was taught by my father that the worst thing you can do is let an animal suffer and to finish them off quickly. We had another 3 hrs in the car, and my wife barely said another word to me. She has been very quiet since we got home as well. I don't know what to say or do.
TL ; DR I ran over what I thought was a squirrel to end its suffering, but actually was a cat and now my wife won't talk to me.
SidTheGoblinKid: Yeah you really fucked up dude. You shoulda pulled over and assessed the situation before making a rash decision like that. You mightve been raised by a hunter but you made the snap decision of a fool, was it even suffering or was it happily scratching its back in the dirt on the road?
Honestly I'd just be glad that you will never know the full extent of your fuckup. On the bright side, you can use this as a learning experience, maybe just pull over and check what it is before opting to kill it. Even if it *was* suffering you bungled any opportunity it had. From one hunter to another, you should be ashamed.
Lumpy-Edge4841: I hear you. I have been replaying it in my head and thinking of what I would do differently next time. Obviously I've driven past roadkill many times and never made the decision to "put it out of it's misery" before. I don't know what I was thinking.
SidTheGoblinKid: My comment truthfully mightve been biased (lost 3 barn cats on country roads) but assessing that intrusive fatalistic mindset might be a start. Why did you assume it was suffering? Did you see blood on the road around it? If not, it likely wasn't already hit. Cats roll on warn asphalt cause it helps loosen their undercoat.
I mean it's a fair assumption to think it was a squirrel, they sometimes get caught in power lines and drop to the ground, but if you pulled over and checked it out, or even slowed down to give it time to dip out, you mightve avoided killing a cat today.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1656991441 | 1657020970 | t3_vrogs8 | t5_2to41 | 52 | Voracious_Port: TIFU by talking to my ex again
So I received a call from my ex-gf at 3am. She had gone out drinking with her friends. Thing is we hadn’t spoken for about 3 years and we had a pretty gnarly fight when we broke up. So, anyways, she calls me and says she misses me and wants me to come over. She was really drunk. So I politely decline.
The next day, Sunday afternoon, there is a major book fair in town so I go by myself to check it out. They had more like a Comic-Con/Cosplay kind of thing going in there. So I inevitably ran into her and we hung out. We didn’t bring up the drunk call at first.
It was getting dark, so I walked her over to her apartment. She invites me in and we had some snacks and watched a movie. You can guess where this is going… I kinda fell asleep on the couch and lost track of time.
I wake up a few hours later and she’s also up. She’s looking at me from her bedroom doorway in her night gown. We had sex all night right up until this morning.
I did not want that to happen. I feel it’s taking a step backwards, plus it’ll make things awkward. I don’t know if we are getting back together. Did she really miss me or just the sex?
TLDR; tifu by talking to my ex and we ended up back at her place.
SidTheGoblinKid: Wait a second, so you don't remember consenting?
MJBrune: They didn't say that. They skipped over it in the story.
SidTheGoblinKid: That's why it's a question
MJBrune: Sorry feels like a pointed question because they probably consented with their actions. At least that's what the story implied.
SidTheGoblinKid: Ah, yeah no I was *literally* seeking clarification from OP, I don't pick up on implications very well so I try to be exact in my nomenclature.
soMAJESTIC: [the implication](https://youtu.be/MZ1lc6KASWg)
| 7 | 7.428571 | |
1656992183 | 1656993991 | t3_vroog0 | t5_2to41 | -9 | kamkampig1: tifu by telling my friend I like her as a prank
I(19) was up late at night playing with my friend let's call him Jake(18) Jake got this bright idea to prank one of our friends. After some convincing on his side he finally got me to do it. The person I decided to do this prank on let's call her Ashley (19) I decided to text her " I like you" she asked me if I was serious and to keep the prank going I said I was. At this point I was expecting her to shut me down completely because she's way out of my league but that didn't happen. She ended up saying she like me too which made me instantly tell her it was a prank and I felt so bad after doing that. After doing that she ended up blocking me then unblocking me not too long after that to tell me it was okay. I thought this was a good sign and thought that our friendship was saved but I was wrong I tried to text her after that and she just ignored me. I never want that to happen again. El giraffe (a nickname she called herself I'm trying not to disclose her real name) please talk to me again our friendship was great and I really miss it I'm so sorry for what I did. TL;DR I told my best friend that I liked her as a joke and now she won't speak to me anymore and just ignores me.
illuminalice: Never ever do a prank that affects other peoples feelings like that
kamkampig1: I'm going to be 100% honest with you her actually liking me back never even was a factor to me like it never even came up in mind she's way out of my league
illuminalice: Ok? Doesnt matter at all. Dont play with peoples feelings.
kamkampig1: I feel like you didn't listen to me I didn't think she had any feelings with me to begin with
triceratropes: I think his point was why would you even do that in the first place? There's only two possible outcomes to what you did: she doesn't like you and you tell her it's a prank (not really funny in my opinion but to each their own) or she does like you and you break her heart. Pretty high stakes for a laugh personally, especially at the expense of your best friend.
kamkampig1: This prank was also a challenge between me and Jake it really it wasn't funny it was just to see who had the balls to do it and yet I still don't think I should have done it
justacceptthings: Those pranks are not pranks regardless whether you THINK someone has feelings or not. I'm glad she blocked you, now she sees that her crush is indeed stupid
| 8 | -1.125 | |
1656992214 | 1656995859 | t3_vrooqg | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by letting my girlfriend get seen naked by my whole family
[removed]
LegendarySpoon13: Why would you send her to get the towel in YOUR house? Seems a bit rude that you’d rather her be cold instead of you. We’ve forgotten a towel countless times and not once has my bf ever asked me to get it.
NoReallyLetsBeFriend: Fine! I'll get the towel but you get me a sammich!
| 3 | 4 | |
1656993208 | 1657260964 | t3_vroytn | t5_2to41 | 54 | MainFar3550: tifu by reading Wattpad on the bus
ok so i was on the bus had my headphone (yes only one) I'm listening to music when i scrolled on Wattpad to see the most smuttiest smut I have ever seen like this was toe curling, bedsheet gripping child making stuff. well like any sane person i read it taking my time just vibing because i had read 100 chapters to finally see the 2 characters together so i was happy and praising god much like the characters funnily enough when i heard a small gasp, i had fucked up...my sister was behind me on this bus.
so red faced and red handed i turned around to see my little sister staring at me with the most horrified expression she had read every little detailed description she could get her little eyes on, and was now staring at me like i had just served her the Easter bunny for dinner.
i had to sit there until i got to school and I'm now writing this rethinking my whole life.
TL:DR read Wattpad on the bus and my sister read some steamy smut over my shoulder.
hmbritt: Oh boy I hope it wasn't my books, she'd be scarred for life! Lmao
Dense_Chemical_4018: Names of books please? 🤠
hmbritt: A Broken Alpha is book 1. Alpha Reid and the Hybrids is book 2. And, Maddox the Broken Alpha is book 3. They are mostly BXB books. Werewolf, Omegaverse and sex scenes are EXTREMELY detailed. Full books are on GoodNovel.
hmbritt: They are on Wattpad too but not the full book.
| 5 | 10.8 | |
1656994447 | 1657079442 | t3_vrpb78 | t5_2to41 | 18 | mattzallen25: TIFU by walking into the Women’s restroom.
So basically, I (18M) have recently started going to this new gym that opened up across the street from my house about a month ago. I previously had been going to a Gold’s Gym before and heard good things about this new gym, so last week I bought a month long membership so I can try it out. For the past 3 days everything had been going smoothly, it was a chill environment and everyone there was relatively quiet and friendly, equipment was brand new and great, but yesterday pretty much ruined it all. Yesterday I was working chest and back, and after my workout I wanted to go to the restroom before heading home (for some extra context, this was at 1am and I’ve never been to the bathrooms there before). I wasn’t really familiar with the whole gym yet, so I saw a restroom sign and immediately went in without double checking to make sure I was in the men’s restroom, which is completely my fault. I go in, use the restroom, and check out the sauna they have inside there. I take a quick mirror picture and decide to check out the lockers they have inside there, and I ended up seeing a woman’s name attached to one of the lockers and immediately freak out. I started rushing out of the bathroom and I bump into two young girls headed into the bathroom. I immediately start apologizing and they scream at me asking what I was doing and everyone started staring right at us. I tried explaining the situation but they weren’t having it and everyone started ganging up on me and recording. I immediately panicked and just started rushing out the exit, one guy started following me and I started sprinting towards my car and rushed off. I told my friends and family about what happened and they all just started bursting out with laughter and I can’t help but feel like a total creep, even though it was pretty fucking hilarious.
TLDR; I accidentally walked into the ladies’ bathroom at my gym, got caught inside, and ran away whilst looking like a pervert.
ItsJustMeBeinCurious: Running off made it seem like you did something wrong. That might get you tagged as a creep. Otherwise, an easy mistake. If the signage is bad point it out to the gym management. After a heavy workout brain fog can work against having good navigation.
Two related incidents…. At a crowded gym a bunch of guys saw a woman walking toward the men’s locker room. It would have been hugely embarrassing for her since there had to be at least 20 guys changing in there. I stopped her and pointed out the way-too-small “Men” sign. She was only a little embarrassed and grateful/relieved for the assist. The guys being guys booed me for ruining their entertainment.
The second was in a bar. Late and I wasn’t exactly sober. I walked into the ladies room and was confused to see a female friend (casual friend, not a FWB) combing her hair by the mirrors. Rather than scream she just pointed out that I made a wrong turn.
The point is life is better when everyone is interacting on an adult level.
ConferenceOk1110: Yeah I can hardly believe OP's story. I've walked into women's restrooms or changing rooms more than once by accident and I've had women walk into men's restrooms or changing rooms multiple times as well. Who gives a fuck? 'Oh, sorry' and off you go.
On bigger events (like raves, live shows) it's very common to have women in men's restrooms, because the queue for the men's restroom is usually a lot smaller. Nobody gives a fuck.
But I learned from Reddit that this apparently differs a lot per country. In my country we have swimming pools with mixed sex changing rooms (large family changing rooms where both men and women change their clothes)
mattzallen25: I know it doesn’t sound believable, but I’m in a town where everyone is usually easily offended and freaked out over stupid things like what I did, and the two young girls who saw me were 14-16 at most, so I guess the maturity level also accounts for the way they reacted
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1657004673 | 1657073873 | t3_vrrxme | t5_2to41 | 64 | Glittering_Piano_886: TIFU- taking my 19yo (M) Cousin to stripclub
So…this happened yesterday. I just turned 19 last Monday and my cousin has been 19. Ne and my friends thought it would be a good idea to take him with to the strip club.. We go in and play pool first as it was free and there weren’t any strippers in. So we play a few games, then finally, they start to walk in and one goes on stage. We go over, except my cousin. He plays pool with someone for a little bit. Eventually they head over to us at the stage and my cousin sits down and starts to cry….We told him to come with us to the stage and he strongly refused. He kept crying over in the corner at the counter by the pool tables….Titties and Pussies are supposed to make a teenaged guy HAPPY…NOT SAD..
So when we got home I asked why he was sad, and then he tells me that when he was like 2 or 3 he walked in on his mother (she’s slept with well over 350 guys) and ig he was having trauma flashbacks from that. So long story short
TL;DR Cousin cried when he went to the strip club
[deleted]: Why do men think it's a fun activity to bring childs to strip clubs
Glittering_Piano_886: Us childs are 18 and 19yo.
[deleted]: Your brain is still in development and you are already thinking on consuming women bodies for money and probably have a porn addiction. Truly something sad to know
Brandanpk: Bruh, I can die for my country when im 18, im old enough to see some tiddies
[deleted]: Rich people can use my body to their interest, therefore I can buy women bodies. Yeah that adds up
Brandanpk: I can pay women for thier services. Many sex workers do it willingly and voluntarily. Dont try to infantilise women by pretending that all sex workers are victims
[deleted]: I'm gonna guess you ask every single woman you consume about why they are doing that service. And yet none of them had told you she was brought there at a young age and now she can't leave. As men we sometimes need to ask ourselves why so many of us get turned on by buying woman who would never have sex with us if they didn't need the money. Most of sex workers are victims, sadly. Rich white girls who enjoy having sex with anyone and gets paid for it are as rare as people liking to eat poop and we don't serve that on restaurants.
But don't get so pressed, sadly I can't change your ways and how u see women. But yes, I do judge the way some of us really think is a good idea to approach sex as buying things from a young age. Disgusting.
Brandanpk: While trafficking is an issue, the majority of sex workers are not trafficked. I've never actually used thier services (you can't purchase sex workers, thats not how it works, you hire them), but I do know several full service sex workers, and while they have thier individual reasons for doing that line of work, they do it consensually. Its a shame you feel the way you do about a certain group of workers, as it is clear you don't know anything about the industry outside of what you've seen in media. If all sex workers are victims, its only in the same way everyone who works any job is.
[deleted]: Family and friends are or were sex workers. Paying someone to have sex with you is not consent. I'm going to stop answering because sometimes I get in this bubble where I think nobody is so naive to think the things you are saying. I would recommend Academic Google > sex workers consent and read about it from women who are retired. Abuse is often hard to point when you are being abused, and thinking like you leads to young girls think that being a sugar baby is cool and many other messed up stuff.
Brandanpk: I looked into it, everything I can find is about trafficking.
That said. A Woman has the right to consent to sex under any conditions she chooses, if that condition is that she is paid, then she has consented, and if someone is paying her to, and she accepts and does it, its mutual consent. If it is not, then your wife saying she will sleep with you if you washes the dishes is non nonsentual.
How about you go talk to some actual sex workers, and ask them how they feel about your stance?
| 11 | 5.818182 | |
1657004975 | 1657026610 | t3_vrs02w | t5_2to41 | 41 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my girlfriend she was prickly when having sex
[deleted]
FractalCurve: I mean... what did she want you to say? She asked how it felt and you described it.
Better_Nebula_9790: That’s not how girls work bro
LetterBoxSnatch: Mine does. She’s a keeper. Don’t ask a question if you don’t want an honest answer.
12heatedblankets: Omg. I say this to my friends all the time about their husband's. Lol
| 5 | 8.2 | |
1657012937 | 1657014079 | t3_vrttfc | t5_2to41 | 111 | jayhow90: TIFU by making an STD/excrement infused dessert
So I decided to try my hand at making an apple crumble for dessert tonight. The recipe called for 125 grams of butter but I only had a little bit of margarine left, I remembered I had seen a jar of coconut oil somewhere so I used the rest of that to make up the difference. The oil was in a drawer in my bedroom if you can see where this is going yet…
The crumble smelled a bit strange in the oven but I figured that was was nutmeg or something.
Poured myself a glass of wine and sat down to eat my crumble with custard. After a few mouthfuls I noticed a sour sick taste at the back of my throat. I checked the coconut oil and there’s a brownish greenish yellowish growth in the jar. Remembered I’d used this as lube during some fisting and a couple of different guys had fucked me raw at some point and usually just stuck their dick in the jar as lube.
Yes, I know I’m disgusting. I haven’t used that jar for over 2 years and now have silicon lube.
TL;DR I made a dessert using coconut oil with 2+ years of fermented juice from multiple dicks and faecal particles.
J4ck0fDiamonds: What the fuck did i just read
jayhow90: What the fuck did I just eat
Syn-th: Who the fuck did I just fist!
Edit: was it your tonsils!?!?
jayhow90: NO
| 5 | 22.2 | |
1657019553 | 1657028090 | t3_vrvelp | t5_2to41 | 13 | dodekahedron: TIFU by trying to make my ex jealous
Obligatory this happened 2 weeks ago.
So my ex and I were on the slow slide to no contact land. For no reason other than they don't know how to be friends with someone. Obligatory we "split up" in the fall but tried to transition into a friend relationship because ultimately that's what our relationship was. Labels are stupid. We still hung out all the time and we went on this stupid vacation together. For the sake of the length I won't get into the vacation here. It was terrible, and he ended up owing me roughly $200 that he promised to pay back then decided I wasn't worth it and tried to get me to let it go. So we went no contact.
So anyway a week later I'm going on vacation again and this time I decide to go back to part of where we just went. Isle Royale national park. I'm going to go on a week long backpacking solo adventure to take pictures of Moose which he wanted to see but didn't.
So day 1 goes smoothly. Day 2 I figure out that my stove isn't working but I have enough food to last 1 day that doesn't need cooking. I decided the hell with it I can go camp where I planned and then hike the 8 miles back to rock harbor to fix my equipment.
Day 3 I break camp and start back to Rock Harbor. It's hot. Feels like 90. I'm making what feels like terrible time and I'm running out of water and can't find any of the water sources I find yesterday. I start a mantra of please universe let me find water. Around dusk I stumble across a bay. Finally water! As I purify my water I take out my map to figure out where the hell I am. I'm directly across from where I'm trying to go. I missed my trail head and walked 3.4 miles in the wrong direction. On the trail they say to bring extra water there's no water sources. Ugh I decide the best course of action is to camp right there so I can hydrate and prep for tomorrow. Go to bed hungry.
Day 4 wake up and break camp at first light and get the hell out. I'm already hungry and nervous because I'm not sure how I missed the trail head so I start being like universe please let me find my way. At the first trail junction there's 2 random dudes lugging a boat up the incline. I stop and chat and they end up being ON the first marker I need which fell over. They give me bug spray and wish me luck. I'm officially on the extra 3.4 miles until the original trail I need. Somewhere in this area I trip and fall and hear all sorts of snapping in my knee. I let out a guteral scream and lay there. As my body adjusts to its new reality I sip water and think how stupid that was. There's literally no one out here to rescue me. So there's nothing to do but go. I check for compound fractures and start limping.
At the next trail junction, there's another dude hanging out like a beacon lighting the way. He asks why I'm limping I tell him I think I busted my MCL. He gives me an ace bandage. As we're talking another couple passes and they give me snacks! I limp on and in the section the trails are marked with cairns and super easy to get lost there's a family across the way on the trail I'm looking. Bless them.
Hobble to the next trail junction and again a person just rounding the corner from the trail I need. Hallelujah. Making it easy to find my way in excruciating pain. I make it to the rangers with the biggest smile on my face because it was about 7 miles. I ask them to get into contact with the seaplane to see if they can move my flight up from Saturday (it was Wednesday) they get me off the same day where I then go eat dinner and then go to the ER where I learn i have a broken bone and possibly busted tendons and ligaments. Waiting for an mri.
Worst part is I saw 4 or 5 moose. Took pictures. Got home popped my images into the computer, every single moose picture is blurry.
TLDR: went to take Moose pictures to make someone jealous and broke my need and didn't even get good pictures.
rickabod: Should've just went to Newberry.
dodekahedron: Well I have ultimate goals of crossing national parks off my list and the day trip we did didn't count to me so I wanted to do a bigger trip and really be able to cross it off my list and boy howdy did I earn that haha.
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1657021226 | 1657028903 | t3_vrvuql | t5_2to41 | 75 | lightningtiger23: TIFU By trying to be nice but ended up looking like a perv
So I had a friend (46) who liked me(36) for a couple years and 4 months ago a decided to be friends with benefits. I told her I didn't see her as a girlfriend and only as a friend. So her daughter(24) is a nutritionist and decided to help me out. I bought a bunch herbalife crap cause I thought it would help me and throw her bone cause she was a sales person for them. We were gym buddies and it was that. Her daughter was engaged for awhile and after 4 months of going to the gym she broke it off with him cause he cheated multiple times. At the same time, I didn't want to sleep with my friend anymore it was only 3 times and she kept trying to be more. So the daughter asked to go with me to gnc to get stuff afterwork. I said sure I'll pick you up. So I took her to eat then the mall where the closest gnc was. Afterwards went to see and buy candles her choice. We went to her apartment and talked for awhile about everything. It got late and it did kinda of feel like she wanted more but I was hesitant because I didn't want to come off as this was a date. So I left and the next day I texted her"I just wanted to say last night was great and l enjoyed spending time with you . I never thought I like candles that much, lol. The stuff we got was nice but your smile was the best part of the night. Hopefully we can do it again and longer next time." I didn't receive any text back from her and the mom was not texting like she usually does, very distant. Fast forward another day l saw the daughter the next day at a dollar store but said nothing because l was embarrassed that she took the text as more of a date rather two friends hanging out. 4th of July comes up and mom said she tired of fake friends (I assume me) and people need to stay away from her and her daughters. TL;DR by being friendly but losing every thing.
Badmeestert: The remark about her smile was not so
Smart
lightningtiger23: Yeah you're right , she was feeling down but should've kept it to myself.
Usernamehorder: You can lie to reddit but don't lie to yourself. That text wasn't worded in a platonic way, you were flirty which was creepy to her. It wasn't an accident, you only regret it because it failed.
Fierramos69: I(M, was 15 at the time) did this once with 2 sisters. I liked one(1), the other(2) was jealous and tried to prove something to herself by fucking me, therefore ruining it for the first one and me. I was stupid and decided to play both sides; love with 1, fuck with 2. Dumbest shit I ever did, or close. One night 2 called me telling me she was home alone etc. I thought she was cool and I wanted to be friend with her(really, at that point I didn’t realize what she was after and just thought she was a cool girl, and she liked video games a lot so I was happy we had something in common) but she made nonstop very suggestives gestures. I tried to keep it cool but as the virgin bitch I was, I ended up being a bit too friendly before leaving. Few weeks later the girl(1) I actually liked and I got closer, and she texted me one night asking me if I wanted us to be a couple. The same night, she told 2 about it, and they had a conversation I can’t even imagine…. And they realized that night I was an asshole playing it on both side.
Moral of the story: Don’t be like me, make a choice. Especially if they are of the same family.
Point of me telling that story: This type of messages is very familiar. It’s the clumsy hypocrite version of "I’m down if you’re down, are you?". Or at least that’s what it looks like.
| 5 | 15 | |
1657023033 | 1657035084 | t3_vrwdkw | t5_2to41 | 31 | [deleted]: TIFU by mistaking a coworker as a friend
[deleted]
ken-d00: I work in an large company that has a global wide IT department where I am a team member and one of the most important acronyms I have been thought working here is CYA, cover your ass. Never trust anybody in the corporate world they will be your best friend until they need your head to roll to save their own. I see it all the time, never tell them anymore than they need to know or you are comfortable with everyone else knowing because they will throw you under a bus one day. IMO friends are not made at work, of course depending on the type of work. Like I'm sure builders and more blue collar workers don't need to put up with as much of this shit and can become real friends. Office workers are snakes I know I am one.
Avocado_With_Rabies: CYA is most important as it keeps us from litigation and problems that could arise. That's why we document, and request written customer permission before we do destructive actions on their accounts.
ken-d00: Spoken like a true IT professional. 
Avocado_With_Rabies: Thanks. I am an IT professional
| 5 | 6.2 | |
1656992702 | 1657056761 | t3_vrotop | t5_2to41 | 25 | Mindless_Mint83: TIFU by turning my toilet into a foot bath
This actually happened today!
It was a normal evening. I had ordered some food, walked my dog, and cleaned up a bit before relaxing. It was then that I decided I should have my nightly shower to get even more relaxed and fresh before another day of work tomorrow.
Everything’s was going to plan. I turned off the tap, stepped out and started drying off with my towel.
One of my usual steps in this process is to place my foot upon the porcelain throne’s closed lid so that I can dry my leg fully. I’ve done this for as long as I can remember and I’ve never had an issue. Well, there’s a first for everything…
Quick backstory, a few days ago when I was cleaning my bathroom I noticed that my toilet seat was loose on the left side. Whatever, it’s not hanging off or anything, that’s a problem for future me. (It indeed was a problem for future me)
Back to the present, as I’m drying my leg and thinking about the things I need to do before bed, BAM the toilet seat and lid go flying and my freshly washed foot has now been aggressively baptized by the poop gods.
Because I wasn’t expecting this, my full weight went toward the toilet and I smacked my leg on the rim of the bowl as my foot marinated in the forbidden bath that my toilet had become (thank god I keep my toilet clean).
In the same moment, my instinct was to jerk backwards because I didn’t want to go head first into the thing that I put my ass on, so before I even knew what was happening my momentum shifted backwards and I was left naked and afraid as my half-dry body scrambled for purchase. Unfortunately, to save myself from crashing into the shower I had just vacated, I shifted slightly to steer myself toward the wall. This caused me to slam into my shower shelf that I put in recently (it’s one that has a spring loaded pole so it stays taut to the ceiling) and almost sent that crashing to the ground.
Fortunately it held its ground and all I ended up doing was sending my bottles scattering. As I righted myself, I took my newly christened right foot out of the toilet and stared in shock at what had just happened. In a span of seconds, I went from having a normal relaxing night to almost ending up ass down in my shower with my foot getting cozy with the latrine.
When the shock wore off I laughed so hard I had tears straining down my face. My toilet seat was laying fully broken on the floor and my towel was soaked with toilet water.
Word of advice? If your toilet seat is broken, fix it ASAP lmao And definitely don’t use it as a foot rest or you’ll get more comfortable with your toilet than you want.
tl;dr I used my half broken toilet seat as a foot rest and ended up soaking my foot and towel with toilet water while almost destroying my bathroom in the process.
Glum-Manufacturer-58: This story is priceless 😂 hope your toilet (and foot) gets fixed soon
Mindless_Mint83: Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it! 😂
| 3 | 8.333333 | |
1656995830 | 1657044671 | t3_vrpolb | t5_2to41 | 78 | merchaunt: TIFU by asking my Girlfriend to let me pick her outfit for the day.
So about 4 years ago around the start of my last relationship I spent as much time as I could with my ex. We slept in the same bed practically everyday at this point, so it wasn’t unusual for us to get dressed together. Usually it’s really quick since we liked sleeping in and had to make it to class on time.
On this particular day, it was the start of the weekend and her family called to ask if she wanted to come with them to the art supply store since our university is on the way.
While she’s getting ready in the bathroom I spot the black, patterned dress of hers that I like hanging up; and, completely out of the ordinary, I ask if I can pick out what she’s wearing. She says yes; we have a cute moment; all goes well. Her family’s almost to her dorm. I make myself scarce And go about my day.
Fast forward a few hours I get a very distressed, slightly angry text from her due to a conversation she had to have with her family about us being sexually active. For context: she’s with both her parents, her sister, and her grandma in the middle of a retail store; is short with long hair; and her parents have only met me a few times.
When she was reaching to get something from one of the shelves her hair exposed part of her back that wasn’t covered by her dress and her mom saw some discoloration. Her mom moves more of her hair and sees a constellation of bite marks that left prominent bruises all over her back. Their line of questioning starts with if I was abusive and to make sure she’s safe. She’s doing her best to do damage control, but hasn’t given them an explanation for the bruises yet. Either her mom or sister asks, “is it a kink thing…” Now, she either says yes or has her family think that her first partner is beating her, quite a catch22.
So in front of her entire household she declared that not only is she sexually active now, but by implication that she’s also having whatever kind of sex leaves her back like that. Whatever embarrassment and anxiety I felt pales in comparison to hers in that moment.
After that, we checked for marks regularly and tried our best to keep to places that stay covered to avoid any repeats. And to this day I can still hear her say “I had to say that in front of my grandma, in front of my grandma,” whenever I think about this fuck up.
tl;dr: TIFU by picking an outfit for my gf to wear that showed off the bruises I didn’t know I left on her back while she went out with her family.
GeneralSecura: Bite marks on the back of her neck? What are you, a dog?
StrategicTaco: He got that dawg in em
merchaunt: Not a he lol
| 4 | 19.5 | |
1657024061 | 1657055045 | t3_vrwoiz | t5_2to41 | 6,171 | SumonaFlorence: TIFU by stealing what I thought was a Pine Cone.
When I was really young as a child of 10 in primary school, a fun activity we used to indulge in was having groups of kids with designated locations on the playground called 'Pine Cone Bases' where we'd collect as many Pine Cones as possible and stash them there at the location of choice.
There were Pine Trees completely circling around the oval, so during the Autumn the ground would become littered with them. We'd all collect as many as possible. When the season for Pine Cones passed, stealing Pine Cones from other bases and bringing them to your own was permitted but you had to give it back if you were tagged, most leaders would build diplomatic relationships with others so there would be peace. This did not always last and war would break out between the clans.
My base was strategically picked where two fences met near sandwiched together. The neighbouring house, and the school itself. The Pine Cones would slip right down between the two fences and would be secure from any theft from other clans, naturally, we reached the top.
The base with the most Pine Cones was considered the pinnacle of all bases and its people among the elite. 'Hotels' and 'Holiday Houses' paled in comparison to the might of the Master Pine Cone Base.. it demanded without question *everyone's* respect. My influence allowed me to pick what the special could be for the canteen lunch. It was always chicken tendies.
One day as a school excursion, we went to the city Aquarium with bingo charts and questionaires which we had to solve by going to each point of interest consisting of Octopi, Coral, Fish, Sharks and other marine wildlife and activities. We were all split into groups of five, I was in team Sea Urchin.. we didn't get to pick our names. ᵀᵉᵃᵐ ᴾᶦⁿᵉ ᶜᵒⁿᵉ
Entering one of the rooms containing many glass walls with beautiful wildlife swimming about behind them, there was a single tank in the centre with the lid off.. just low enough for kids to see inside. Full of coral and bubbles, but there, right in my face and bobbing in the centre, was the strangest, sleek and smoothest looking Pine Cone I've ever seen.. it was beautiful, spiral in shape. My eyes must have flared in surprise and my mind began to rush, because before anyone had a chance to see me, I had picked it up out of the water and stuffed it into my backpack.
Throughout the rest of the excursion, we continued to answer all the questions and spot the bingo charts with the fish we found, it turned out to not be a contest, but whether or not the students were engaged with the activity.. no prizes were awarded.
Eventually the excusion came to a conclusion and we all had to return to the bus, everything seemed normal, though I was a slight bit giddy, far too excited to return to the playground. Once we returned to school, I proudly ran across the oval and placed my beautiful, unique Pine Cone in the centre of the rest, right between the two fences where it was certainly safe.
The moment the bell rung, we all went back to our classrooms and the teacher had yet to enter, he came later than usual. Upon coming through the door, he was red in the face, flustered as he leaned against the chalkboard. With a strain in his voice, he said.. "Does anybody know anything about a missing [**Shark Egg**](https://i.imgur.com/x5VEt49.jpg) from the Aquarium today?"
&#x200B;
Me being me at the time, I pretended nothing of it happened, though eventually my beautiful centre piece went missing.
&#x200B;
TL;DR I accidentally stole a Shark Egg from an Aquarium thinking it was a Pine Cone, then added it to my base in the primary school playground as a centre piece.
peithecelt: Because I KNOW I won't be the only one curious about this (because I'd never heard of a shark egg that looked like a pinecone), ya' know, for a 10 year old, i can see it now..
[https://australian.museum/learn/animals/fishes/port-jackson-shark-heterodontus-portusjacksoni-meyer-1793/](https://australian.museum/learn/animals/fishes/port-jackson-shark-heterodontus-portusjacksoni-meyer-1793/) (the egg pic is just about 40% of the way down the article).
OlmiumFire: Bro, OP has a picture in their post?
peithecelt: Yup, and if you actually looked OP pointed that out, and I apologized for missing it. :)
OlmiumFire: Yeah I'm going to read a whole comment chain looking for something like that. Still seems bizarre to me that you somehow missed it in the first place
AggravatedCalmness: >Yeah I'm going to read a whole comment chain looking for something like that.
It's three sentences long. Kinda hypocritical calling out someone for missing an embedded hyperlink when you yourself can't be arsed to read 3 sentences further in the thread where it is explained.
OlmiumFire: There's a difference between a post, and a comment chain which is hidden under "load more" but alright.
AggravatedCalmness: There is not, both require your specific app to highlight one thing or another to know that it is there. It's not their fault you're using an app that only shows the first three comments of a thread, just like it's not your fault that theirs doesn't properly highlight hyperlinks for a sleepy brain.
OlmiumFire: They already admitted it to highlighting though. Also, Reddit hides comments by default. Nothing to do with the app I'm using. I have the same on desktop.
AggravatedCalmness: A comment 1.5 hours after the fact stating what they see now, after already explaining that they missed it initially because of tiredness isn't an admittance.
>Also, Reddit hides comments by default. Nothing to do with the app I'm using. I have the same on desktop.
Mine doesn't. In fact neither does in browser Reddit for me.
OlmiumFire: Do you use RES? I've got that on, might be doing it.
AggravatedCalmness: Yes I use res
| 12 | 514.25 | |
1657024996 | 1657070878 | t3_vrwzjh | t5_2to41 | 720 | thechaoticgoddess: TIFU by drinking old milk and not realising it
This actually happened a few days ago but I'm still gagging internally at the thought of it, so here we go. I've been one of the few unfortunate ones who got COVID twice in the past six months. While there were some pretty bad aftereffects, I believed that my sense of smell and taste were not really impacted at all. I could smell perfumes, and soaps ....and food tasted average to me, so I thought my sense of smell and taste were fine.
So, about 6 weeks ago I had opened a carton of long-life skim milk. You purchase these at the groceries in Australia, and you can store them in your cupboard/pantry. Once you open a carton, you refrigerate it. I had most of the milk, then for a brief period I stopped drinking milk. A few days ago, I realised there was some unused milk in that carton from 6 weeks ago, and I thought to myself "this is long life milk, surely it won't spoil". To confirm this, I smelled the milk and it didn't smell bad. I drank it a little out of the carton, and it didn't taste bad either. So I add that cold milk to my cereal and eat that for breakfast.
The next day, I decided to use some of that milk again for my cereal. Except, I decided to heat up that milk. It was a cold wintry morning here, so I poured some of that milk in a bowl and microwave it. Once I took it out of the microwave, I saw that all the milk had curdled up....and that's when I realised I messed up. The milk was really old, I didn't even realise that because COVID actually messed up some of my smell and taste. I immediately throw the remaining milk, while trying not to puke in my mouth because I drank that same old milk the day before. I was so grossed out. It also didn't occur to me that you're supposed to consume the milk within few days of opening!! I thought long life milk also meant it's okay in the fridge once opened.
Fortunately, my stomach was not upset at all!!
TL;DR - drank 6 week old milk in the fridge, because it smelled and tasted fine thanks to a COVID-19 infection. Heated that milk the next day and it had curdled up and looked disgusting. Don't ever trust your sense of smell and taste after COVID, 10/10 won't recommend.
SlammyWhammies: If it was still normal liquid before heating, it really wasn't that bad. I mean I wouldn't RECOMMEND IT but it's not like you were drinking thick chunky milk.
thechaoticgoddess: 'thick chunky milk' that imagery hurts me
SlammyWhammies: There's a cursed [mint commercial ](https://youtu.be/k0hKMDMWYwU) if you want to hurt more.
gxddbou: Milk with pulp 🤤😋
thechaoticgoddess: Reminds me of this meme I read....which is kinda NSFW but it talked about imagining if semen had pulp. Super random I know but I can't read the word 'pulp' like a normal person now.
rdicky58: You can’t just bring that up and not cite it 😂
thechaoticgoddess: I've got it saved somewhere on my phone 😂 but that imagery definitely hurt a lot of my male friends
| 8 | 90 | |
1657027316 | 1657177135 | t3_vrxqzs | t5_2to41 | 1,188 | wtfishappeningrn647: TIFU by checking my dogcamera
So, this is a throwaway for privacy reasons. I didn't know where to post this and since it's a throwaway I figured it might also fit here because I can actually post it here...
It's happening RN and I'm absolutely disgusted by the whole thing. Also I'm a horrible storyteller so bear with me with this text.
My SO and I are expecting a baby and decided to get a cleaning lady because it would make things easier when the baby gets born and we wouldn't have to worry too much about cleaning (we have two dogs). However, I don't trust cleaning ladies and prefer cleaning myself because I don't mind, but I probably won't have time enough in the future so I figured why not.
She already came twice and I wasn't happy at all, she has 4 hours to clean and the only thing that's done is vacuuming and mopping (idk what you call it) the floors. Which is weird because I did it every other weekend in 2 hours and also dust everything of etc... It's not a big house.
Anyways, my parents got a doggycamera thing and I found it quite neat and they're superhandy and I figured, why not, they're supercheap anyways.
So today, it's the third time the cleaning lady comes over and I figured, lol I just got the camera so why not check in. I know privacy rules and shit but I didn't initially think about it and I've got the camera just shy of a week.
1:02pm - She's just chilling in the sofa, okay fair enough she'll start soon enough right?
1:30pm - Still sofa
So at this point I didn't feel like texting my pregnant SO because we were already thinking about just calling the firm and letting them know we don't want her anymore and I didn't want to call my SO because she's having meetings with a client and is remote so it would only annoy her I think.
So I just text my group of friends in a groupchat.
I'm taking screenshots as we speak just to show to my SO later this evening. (I will not do anything else with these screenshots, this is just for me and my SO. I wouldn't want to mess with privacy laws and shit)
1:45pm - Took the blanket more and went to do a little nap or something, lyingdown all the way
2:00pm - Still sleeping
Okay, she's not doing anything anytime soon so I'll just stop watching for a minute
2:20pm - I check back in and I SEE HER MASTURBATING IN THE SOFA
I fucking closed my app in terror. Wtf did I just SEE? I text the group of friends and they're like show me a screenshot but like wtf I clicked it away, and I for SURE ain't screenshotting that. This is SO DISGUSTING. When I get home later I'm going to fucking wash everything
2:25pm - She's gone and my friends are like: "Maybe she went to the bedroom"
DUDE NO. JUST NO.
So when I get home I get to clean every fucking thing because for all I know wtf did she do.
2:40pm - She started vacuuming
2:45pm - She is back chilling in the sofa
2:55pm - Apparently she just ordered a delivery pita???????
&#x200B;
EDIT: 4:20pm - She left, 40 minutes before she's supposed to stop. Only thing I saw her do was vacuum. Not even dust off or mop or anything else. Note that there's only one camera and it's in the living room. I'm going home soon to clean everything. Fuck this.
I'll give edits maybe later on the day. But I guess she will have to start cleaning more soon because at 5pm she's leaving.
I don't know what I can do about this other than NEVER let her come again inside my home.
&#x200B;
TL;DR Checked my newly installed camera for my dogs and saw my cleaning lady masturbate in the sofa, god knows where else
ken-d00: I don't see how a stranger, worker, whatever you have hired has any privacy in your home, you have every right to stick a 100 cameras around the place if you like why is a doggie cam any different, because it's concealed?
wtfishappeningrn647: Yeah, I don't know. it's not the doggie cam specifically but any camera in general. Because I think people need to be aware they are being filmed? I don't know the laws around here really
PreggyPenguin: If you're in the U.S you should be fine. The living room is considered a "common" space, so to speak. The cleaner should not have any notion of privacy. If it were the bathroom, then you could get in trouble unless you informed her of the camera and how to shut it off if she needed to use the toilet. I'm pretty sure you have every right to have cameras in the common areas of your home without having to notify guests.
[deleted]: The home is a workplace for the cleaner. So no, this was illegal. She can absolutely sue his ass.
PreggyPenguin: I have no reasonable expectation of privacy in my work place, aside from the bathroom (we don't have locker rooms/ changing areas). There is a camera in my breakroom, aimed at the refrigerator, because someone had their insulin stolen in the middle of their shift.
He did not screenshot the sexual behavior. His camera is in his own home, which is perfectly legal just about everywhere. As far as recording his employee, he had legitimate suspicions of wrongdoing in the workplace.
I can't remember if he had audio on it or if he even mentioned that; audio recordings are where you can get into more trouble. I cannot find anything that says he was out of bounds in recording video footage in his own living room.
What about all the cases of nanny cams catching caregivers abusing children? Or the elderly? Surely these people were not aware of the recording, or they would not have acted in such a manner, and the recordings are usually used as evidence against the perpetrator.
Can you show me any laws that say that he is in the wrong for recording? Of course, he should check his state laws, but I still feel OP is in the clear. Why should she expect privacy enough to masturbate in her employers home, on his couch, in the middle of his living room? What if OP or his wife came home early and walked in on it? It's ridiculous, and a moot point anyway as OP did not screenshot this behavior.
[deleted]: Look up surveillance at work.
There is a mountain of case law. The employee needs to be informed of the surveillance. Screenshots are totally irrelevant and I don’t understand why you are fixated on them. Is it the nudity aspect?
PreggyPenguin: No, I thought you were implying she could sue for him having screenshots of that in particular. The screenshots, if they have timestamps, could serve a proof of her not doing the job she was contracted to do.
[deleted]: Not that in particular, any of it.
And yes she could also sue for that. He can sue her too obviously.
The point is that OP broke laws whereas she broke a contract. His actions are more problematic in the eyes of the law.
PreggyPenguin: Pulled directly from a law firms website:
Are Hidden Nanny Cams Legal?
It’s legal to install a nanny cam in all 50 states, even if you choose to videotape your nanny without her consent. However, the laws of 13 states expressly prohibit the unauthorized installation or use of cameras in private places.
From an article written by a lawyer:
It is, in the 2010’s, legal in every state for the homeowner to have and use a nanny cam inside his or her home as long as it only records images and not sound. The owner may also hide the cam and record or monitor those inside the property for any reason or no reason. This includes nannies, workers, residents and family. These property rights supersede privacy rights when no sound is part of the recording and the equipment remains inside the house. The expectation of privacy does not extend to these devices per the laws of
the state of the country.
Violations of Privacy
Some of the areas of the house are off limits to the owner if the nanny lives or works in the house. This extends to others as well. The restricted areas include the bathrooms and private live-in rooms such as a bedroom of an employee. Other violations of privacy occur when the homeowner uses a video cam that records both images and sound. These cameras are not permissible through state laws and the homeowner may violate the laws by installing them. However, it is important to know what states do allow the homeowner to use audio recordings, as not every state prohibits use.
Use and Installing the Cam
When the homeowner is wanting to record what happens in the home, he or she may install the cameras without informing anyone. As long as he or she does not violate the personal space or other areas or use an auditory recording device in the states that ban the use, he or she may have free reign to use the camera in any way necessary to protect the house, a pet or children within the home. Some place the cameras in areas to see what a nanny or housekeeper will do and to protect the family from harm.
[deleted]: Nanny cams are allowed to protect children. This isn’t a nanny cam. And the relevant law you want to consult is workplace not private space.
PreggyPenguin: But it's his home, it just happens to be where she works. I'm trying to look up case law on having hidden nanny cams in your home, and I'm not finding anything. Everything I'm seeing is saying he is well within his rights so long as he does not have audio.
Can you link some cases that set precedent?
[deleted]: Nanny cam cases are irrelevant. There are no children to protect. Workplace surveillance is the relevant issue.
| 13 | 91.384615 | |
1657029830 | 1657091617 | t3_vrymis | t5_2to41 | 45,830 | Wonderful_Ant_9069: TIFU by getting my mom and my GF’s mom to think we hated each other while we secretly dated
This is more of a we fucked up but here’s what’s happened over the past 8 months. So my gf’s mom and my mom work together. They became close friends last year and since then they’ve been trying to get her daughter and I (19F and 19M) together. They made a few attempts at getting us to meet and it was annoying af. All we kept hearing was how good we would be together. We never actually met each other until she was tricked into getting a job where I work.
I had seen pictures of her but she looked even better in person. After getting to know each other over the next 4 months we realized we had a lot in common. Problem is we’re both stubborn and didn’t want to give them the satisfaction that they were right about us. So to repay them, we decided to pretend that we hated each other while secretly dating. If the relationship lasted a year then we would tell them about us.
We made up a story about an argument we had one day at work. After that we would just randomly talk shit about each other to our moms and then sit back and see what their reactions were. It was hilarious and made it easier for us to secretly date.
But last week, we probably took the joke too far. My gf was giving me some lines to say about her and we decided on “I wouldn’t be the first guy from work that she slept with”. When I told my mom this one, she told my Gf’s mom about it. It started an argument between the two of them about how I treat her daughter horribly. Of course my mom tried to defend me by saying she’s heard all of the insults my gf has said about me.
Two days ago we were told that they were no longer friends. We told them the truth about our relationship but I guess it was too late because they said some pretty nasty stuff about each other. Now my Gf and I feel awful for breaking up a good friendship. We should have been honest about our relationship from the start, especially with 2 people who would’ve been supportive of us.
TL;DR: GF and I didn’t want our moms to know they were right about us being good for each other. We pretended that we hated each other while we secretly dated and it broke up their friendship
CelticMysticism: OP you're being played, your mom's are now dating and doing the exact same thing to you guys as revenge
Wonderful_Ant_9069: That would be funny but I doubt it
Edit: didn’t even notice the dating part lmao. I hope not considering they’re both married
[deleted]: They're swingers now
FreaknPuertoRican: TIFU by turning my mom onto the lifestyle. She just returned from Homegoods with a bunch of pineapple decor.
HumbleAdonis: Wait, are you saying you accidentally got your mom into actually swinging, or that she just unfortunately, but completely innocently, likes pineapple decor and some weird encounters are now destined to occur?
BeatlesTypeBeat: ...is pineapple a swingers thing?
HumbleAdonis: Yeah. Very strange, and unclear why, but they have adopted the pineapple. And an upside down pineapple is a sign that you are presently looking for a couple to swing with.
codapin: Does this have anything to do with the [same pineapple doormat](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Ftarget.scene7.com%2Fis%2Fimage%2FTarget%2FGUEST_0e86fc8d-d5e0-4dcf-b917-2002b8c54316%3Fwid%3D488%26hei%3D488%26fmt%3Dpjpeg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.target.com%2Fp%2F1-39-6-34-x2-39-6-34-abstract-tufted-accent-rug-black-threshold-8482%2F-%2FA-51690614&tbnid=XYvCQZMzFHAZiM&vet=1&docid=DuCG5aSfjtSjTM&w=488&h=488&hl=en-US&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim) I see everywhere while delivering for doordash?
HumbleAdonis: I can’t imagine they’re necessarily ALL aware of it, but they very well could be.
wobblysauce: And a question is all it takes
| 11 | 4,166.363636 | |
1657032462 | 1657073358 | t3_vrzkpg | t5_2to41 | 13,296 | Mymomsellsfeetpics: TIFU by looking at my mom's social media
For context my mom(52)and I(21F) are very close and both have a very sarcastic sort of humor. She is also tech friendly and has social media's like tiktok, Instagram, Facebook etc. She moved away to another country after getting a divorce while I am studying in my home country and living with my brother. I was never close to my step father and he doesn't live with us.
Months ago my mom sent me a picture of a pedicure she got and I told her that it looked really cute. The conversation changed to how she wants to spoil herself after her divorce but she's low on spending money since moving... This is where I fucked up... I jokingly said that she should sell feet pics. She laughed and that's where the conversation ended.
... A month later my mom sent me another picture of her pedicure. She told me that she was interested in selling feet pics.. (I THOUGHT SHE WAS JOKING). And I laughed and said go for it and she laughed too.
Then a week later she sent me a screenshot of an older man on Instagram asking for feet pics. I asked her what she was doing and she said she took my idea so that she could get extra spending money. I told her I was uncomfortable with her telling me this and she said it'll be her secret and won't bring it up anymore.
And she hasn't but today I went to search her up on tiktok. She has gained so many followers on the platform I was mortified, I checked in her bio and there was a link to her Instagram. All her recent photos are just her feet and I felt so grossed out and uncomfortable but the worst part is when I scrolled down I saw a picture of my portrait (I painted it) with a caption saying that she's so proud of me... She has hundreds of pictures of her feet and there in the middle is a picture of my face... I felt so grossed out.
I did ask her to take it down. She apologized, took it down and said she just wanted to show of her daughters art skills.
TL;DR after joking about her selling feet pictures to my mother, she actually did it. I checked her social media's and a picture of my face was in the middle of all of her feet pictures.
gonejahman: She means well... she has a good sole.
Mymomsellsfeetpics: This is.. This is very fucking funny
F33dR: Remember: she's just trying to heel.
Falconflyer75: She just had a small misstep it happens no need to put your foot down
friggintodd: Well now she's her archenemy.
FullSass: Just needs to toe the line a bit
zero_x4ever: She's been busy giving them digits
SilasTheFirebird: I mean, it's the daughter's fault for putting her foot in her mouth.
Ko-jo-te: I really think, mom stumbled about her daughters achilles heel with this.
OngoGoblogian4: Just gotta make sure she’s careful of pedifiles
| 11 | 1,208.727273 | |
1657035160 | 1657036251 | t3_vs0m0v | t5_2to41 | 4 | ObvThrowawy4th: TIFU BY FUCKING MIL
[removed]
BigJackHorner: Dear Penthouse,
I know your not going to believe this but........
Nemair: Damn, you just beat me to it xD
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1657036132 | 1657038209 | t3_vs0z8b | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU. forgot my cucumber in the bathroom
[deleted]
[deleted]: Buddie trust me all guys like anal play gay or not if you ain’t ever rammed a dildo up your butt your missing out my wife fucks me like a little bitch chin up buttercup women are actually aroused to shit like that 😏
wingman43000: Not so much in the Middle East where OP is
[deleted]: Rip I’m sorry for him
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1657037855 | 1657097510 | t3_vs1n83 | t5_2to41 | 224 | flyblues: TIFU by making everyone at my work think I self harm
So there I am (22 F, if it matters) making dinner last Sunday. I have this very large pressure cooker, and I was using it to make rice. Unfortunately... I accidentally ended up resting the inside of my wrist on the edge of the pot. Which was HOT hot.
It hurt like hell, but I put some ice on it, ate my dinner, and went to sleep. When I woke up, it didn't hurt anymore! Just had turned a very raw pink/red color.
So I get dressed and head to work. Everything is chill, except... Some of my coworkers were giving me very odd looks. Had me very confused, but nobody said anything, so I shrugged and went about my work.
Today, I go to work again. The scar is no longer pinkish, it's now brownish, making it sliiiightly more visible.
I go to work and... Again weird looks. Something to point out - my work involves a lot of "discussion meetings", where (so as to not constantly yell and interrupt each other) we sort of have a "raise ur hand to go next" approach.
Later, I'm preparing to leave work and... My boss asks to see me in her office. I panic slightly because surely that's never good right? My boss is pretty chill but she's never asked me to her office before, and now she waited until everyone left for this very suspicious discussion she wanted to have?
Yeah no. She basically started talking about how she's my boss but also I can talk to her as a friend too, etc etc, if I have any issues I can ask for extra free time, the company has a great plan for free psychiatrist check ups...
That's when I intrurrupted her like, what is this about? I'm not even depressed, so I was super confused what she's on about.
Then she gets a very awkward look and... points out that "during the meeting today and yesterday, I noticed... your wrist..."
Yeah. People didn't realise it was an accidental burn and thought I was hurting myself. I don't blame them, it DOES look exactly like I slashed my wrist in one long cut.
I tried to explain but, well, she still had this very "sure whatever you say, just know help is out there if you need it" look/attitude.
Not to even speak of all my other coworkers, it's not like I can approach them and say "in case you thought I'm self harming, it was actually a burn lol" - that'd be super awkward and probably seem even more suspicious.
So. Guess this is my workplace life now. Just hoping people forget about it soon. 😮💨
TL;DR I burned my wrist and people at work assumed I was self harming via cutting, and now nobody is gonna believe me it was just a cooking accident.
RSwordsman: Embarrassing for sure and frustrating for her not to believe you, but encouraging that your boss was so supportive in case you ever do need help.
No-Vacation3305: This! Once upon a time in my old work place I was kinda desperately asking for help without asking for help, if that makes sense? Not self harm, but partner abuse.
No one cared. Now that I'm a little older, please anyone who does need help just say it! No shame in it.
speculatrix: I helped a friend and former colleague leave her abusive husband. Only later did I truly discover how desperate her situation was, as she hid the worst of it.
No-Vacation3305: From a random internet friend, I love you for this. Sometimes it IS truly desperate but we don't know how or have the resources to escape.
speculatrix: It was during the worst of lockdown, nowhere to go. I managed to find her and her young daughter a place to live; my wife and I helped her get back on her feet. They're doing well, apart from the court battles with an ex who will do and say anything for revenge.
No-Vacation3305: Good to hear, you and your wife are great people. ❤
speculatrix: Thanks. I'd hope most people would have helped them if they could.
| 8 | 28 | |
1657043356 | 1657056584 | t3_vs3qnm | t5_2to41 | 7 | Miserable_Sir7377: Tifu for eating in front of my bf?
A little backstory. Me f14 and my boyfriend m14 have been together for 4 months but we dated long before that and stayed in contact. We’ve known each other for a good couple years. I am a full time nanny at the moment. I work 45 hours a week and get paid weekly. My bf does jobs for other people like mowing the lawn. We both usually have money as for that we do not have any sort of bills to pay so the money from the jobs builds up. He gets to save all his money he makes. His parents cover anything he needs/wants. He doesn’t have chores or any responsibilities what so ever at all. I am less fortunate. Since I make my own money my mom makes me pay for all my things/essentials. Which is okay. My siblings all moved out so I also have most of the housework because my entire family are all workaholics including me. I am currently trying to get my second job. The problem arose when everytime me and my bf would go places he wouldn’t bring any money at all. Not even a dime. So if the people we were with wanted to get food or go some where or anything that costed money I had to pay for him. At first it was okay. I don’t want/expect him to pay for anything of mine I work for myself. But as time has went on this is constant. I don’t think he even owns a wallet. I have asked him several times that when he is out with me to at least carry some money, as we almost always eat out when we’re together because I work throughout the week and don’t see him much. He’s only ever brought money once and it was because the friends we were going out with asked him too so he could get doordash with the rest of us. He only brought the exact amount his food would cost and I later had to pay for him to get drinks and ice cream with the rest of us. Yesterday was my final straw when my sister picked us up, knowing every weekend when I’m off we always hangout with my sister and her bf and go do something. We went to eat and sure enough I had to cover him. I work a full time job and only make 250$ a week which is plenty for me since I don’t have bills but I do not want to be spending my money on him constantly. I have tried to make an agreement where we go half and half, meaning every other time we eat I pay and he pays the rest. Or we split the checks every time and both only pay for ourselves. Both seem fair to me. The next weekend we hangout I’m gonna remind him to bring money for himself and if he doesn’t I’m gonna tell him I’m not gonna pay for him. Will this make me the ah? TL:DR
pogiguy2020: First I would like to thank you for being 14 and having income. My son is 20 and does not have a job and only excuses.
It also seems you have made it very clear that you want him to pay for his food and you work hard for your money and he makes his own so he should pay for his own. You are NOT an AH for wanting this.
I dont want to get the horse in front of the cart, but if he does this know imagine IF you both get married in the future and he still does this or worse. Like he sits his lazy ass at home while you work your ass off. Best to stop that right now.
I would also say being 14 and in a relationship is way to early. I am not going to say you cannot, but you have so much more life ahead of you.
Miserable_Sir7377: It seems like he forgets to bring money all the time. I really don’t think he’s using me I think he’s just to irresponsible to think about things like that he’s gonna need money for food. But I still think it should have consequences because I don’t want to pay for him all the time I’m not a sugar mama 🤣
Wise-Bee5966: If you weren’t around, how would he pay? For him to have a stable future as a partner, he has to learn to pull his own weight, otherwise you guys may just have very different financial views that could become more and more incompatible
Miserable_Sir7377: Well his parents would pay. He’s just used to already being covered financially he’s never had to use his own money.
Wise-Bee5966: Exactly, you can’t “fix” behavior being taught to him, but you can always communicate that you have a different value for money than him, said which is why you see it as an issue
| 6 | 1.166667 | |
1657042048 | 1657054834 | t3_vs38ub | t5_2to41 | 415 | Relevant_Potato_1335: TIFU by not acting happy for my friend when she told me her news
Hopefully I’m doing this right it’s my first post , but Ok so as the post states , I was a little brash in my response to my friend. So here’s the story.
My (32f) friend H (25f) told me some really good news she’s been dying to tell me in person but I’m impatient and she told me via text. Her really close friend N ( 25m) who came up to visit for the weekend , and her hooked up, and are now dating. Great right !?
Well, i made the comment it’s too soon , she just got out of a bad 3 year relationship not even 6 months ago and is finally healing and he just got out of a bad 4 yr relationship not even a month ago, resulting in a 3 yr old child
Hold on , it gets worse. I made the comment that I’m not surprised cause it’s been almost 6 months since she broke up with her ex so she’s on track in that regard ( she got with her ex after being single for 6 months after getting out of a bad relationship ) she got upset with me , and I apologized it hurt her feelings.
So yeah , I’m genuinely happy for her , he’s not a red flag like the past guys she’s dated , I just think she should be single awhile and heal but that’s just me.
TL;DR TIFU by telling my friend my honest opinion.
Rasen_God: Not really a FU in my books. You were just being honest and giving your own perspective of the situation. It's important to have someone who is brutally honest to the extent where suger coating is non-existent.
Otherwise you wouldn't be able to get a different opinion and perspective of the situation if everyone just behaved and reacted the way you'd want them to.
Relevant_Potato_1335: Well I realized I FU when she said that comment was really mean.. I had to stare at my phone for a minute like how do I approach this cause I do think it’s really flipping soon. I’m happy for her , and don’t expect anyone to be single as long as I have , but I I figured get maybe she really going to give herself time.
I also recognize it’s not my place to say anything either I guess , I tend to give my opinion when it’s not really asked for either.
Rasen_God: Well, I don't think what your comment was mean. You were just being real honest about it and she took it from a negative view because she likely wanted to hear what she wants to hear and not what she doesn't want to hear.
Of course, it's not your place to say anything either, but it is part of your character to express your own opinions and beliefs on something.
Don't beat yourself up too much over it.
Relevant_Potato_1335: Thanks. I appreciate that. I know I can be blunt and honest which can be taken as rude. I’m just glad she didn’t tell me in person as she might not have liked my comment in person. 😬
SpartanAssassan: If she's your friend and you've got enough to go off of it's in your wheelhouse of things your supposed to do for your friends even if they don't like it.
Relevant_Potato_1335: Very true. They love me for my honesty. Just I think I pooped on her parade, and it was supposed to be happy news.
| 7 | 59.285714 | |
1657045424 | 1657162386 | t3_vs4ixu | t5_2to41 | 43 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my boyfriend about my past
[deleted]
broversuswade: He had an image of you
He found out it wasn’t the case
He’s dealing with that and owes you nothing.
Everyone has different wants and needs and you possibly don’t fit into his anymore and maybe he is is trying to leave.
amazing7mail: Lol what?
broversuswade: What part about that was confusing.
Things were great when perception and reality met, now that they don’t it isn’t going great.
Sucks for everyone involved. Some people just want to be someone’s bf and not deal with another persons trauma and possibly become traumatized themselves.
amazing7mail: That’s really sad and a bit unrealistic to expect most people to not have some kind of trauma and to reject them for it. It’s making their trauma about you. A healthy relationship should focus on communicating and healing together not rejecting someone over something that literally 40% of the population has experienced (men and women).
broversuswade: Being choosy about partners is the key to good relationships and avoiding people with trauma is a a good start. People should be up front them if someone wants to take on the responsibility of all that they can give consent to do that.
| 6 | 7.166667 | |
1657045176 | 1657070973 | t3_vs4fo9 | t5_2to41 | 3 | Seasidejoe: TIFU by taking a loan from my mom without telling her.
Alright so, my ex and I have been together since high school and we're 25 now so pretty much for a decade. We broke up maybe 6-8 months ago but we're really close and see each other as family, we've always been there for eachother no matter the situation.
Now, my mom had transferred $2500 to me that I was going to use to help her with some kitchen renovation. She wasn't really in a rush to get done and she said that it'd be even ideal if I started the renovations late into winter as she was going away then and didn't have to use her kitchen during that time.
My ex has been having severe issues with social and general anxiety, impulsivity, keeping time and what have you. We where starting to suspect that she might have something. Since we're both currently studying and working part time, and then full time during the summer before school resumes we where kind of short on money to pay the straight up fee required for her to get a investigation or whatever you call it in order to find out what was wrong with here. It was kind of urgent that she get help ASAP as it was starting to affect her studies and we couldn't wait long. The fee was just under $2500 and I thought it wouldn't be so harmful if I silently loaned my mom's money without telling her and then over the course of 4-5 months payed back the money together with my ex. My ex was hesitant about this but I convinced her that my mom wouldn't care and that the money would be back without her even noticing it since it wasn't needed until late winter. After a lot of convincing she gave in to how easy and harmless I made it sound when we calculated how fast we'd be able to restock those $2500.
Well, today my mom asked me about the money and if I had it on my account and I lied and said yes really unconvincingly, edited the HTML to fake that the amount was on my account and kept lying until I kind was forced to admit that I'd loaned it without telling her.
I tried to justify it by saying that I didn't want her to get worried as I already had calculated how fast and easy we'd be able to get her the money back but she was ultimately just disappointed with me lying to her. She didn't care that the money was loaned, only that I kept it a secret and lied about it.
I feel like a douche and like a child that doesn't know better, but I'm 25... I should know better than to lie about this to my mom. She said that at least I can trust your ex but not you.
TLDR: Took a loan behind my mom's back with her money and lied about it. Knew I could repay her but still lied.
Kerfudamapa: That's tough man. But I think you know what you gotta do. Spoil the shit out of her, take her for walks and buy her presents and shit. Make her feel like one in a million and tell her what she truly means to you. This sort of shit is very forgivable with the right attitude, especially considering you clearly feel bad about it and are looking to make amends? You only got one mom (I assume) so remind her that's you're actually a great guy caught in bad times and plenty of honesty will see you through to a place you can grow from this
Seasidejoe: Aah hey thanks man!
Yeah I guess that sounds like the way to go...
Just hard at the moment.
TartanGuppy: Sounds like things are tough financially, but as a priority you also have to make sure you or your ex get that money back into your account as soon as you feasibly can.
Seasidejoe: Oh yeah no I was more so talking about the situation being hard. Thing is we already had a payment plan planned out. The money would've been back in fall at the latest but then again, that's not the point.
I just feel horrible about not telling her or asking her for the loan. I lied because it was the easy solution...
But you're absolutely correct and I agree.
Thank you for writing.
| 5 | 0.6 | |
1657047764 | 1657116687 | t3_vs5e97 | t5_2to41 | 30 | CCPWumaoBot_1989: TIFU by punching my brother and now potentially being prosecuted cause of my stepmum
[removed]
twohedwlf: There may be some extenuating circumstances here, but you're definitely the asshole here. You clearly have some mental issues and anger issues you need treatment for. I hate kids as much as any, but that doesn't mean it's actually ok to go and assault an 8yo for doing 8yo things.
Deus_Judex: Having mental / anger issues and being an assholes are two completely different points tho.
I woul agree on the anger Management, but getting pushed over the edge by getting threatened to get kicked out of your home is no asshole move imo.
He should have had more self controll but I don't see a will to hurt anyone or other malicious intend here tbh.
Sitheref0874: What, exactly, would a will to hurt or malicious intent look like then? Because punching a child in the face so hard he hit the wall and was KO checks my boxes.
Deus_Judex: It's not only the action itself.
Shooting someone can be a terror attack or simple self defense.
For me it doesn't seem like OP actually wanted to punch the stepbrother. Just lost his control and punched at who or whatever was Infront of him.
He didn't though " I want to put that kid to sleep" he just got pushed over the edge and needed a vent for his anger.
That being said, it's of course no excuse for his behaviour but it doesn't make him an asshole either.
In that moment he was just a passenger of his anger.
Sitheref0874: Holy shit. You actually went to bat for him. “A passenger of his anger” that koed an 8 year old.
Trans: has no self control.
CCPWumaoBot_1989: Shut up just because he's right and sticking up for me doesn't mean you should attack him
Sitheref0874: You obviously have anger issues. Maybe you should get help for that before you do something stup - oh. Too late.
CCPWumaoBot_1989: Lol this is exactly why I'm not listening to you
Sitheref0874: Says the 17 year old who needed to get bailed out by his Mom. After knocking out an 8 year old.
Maybe if you’d paid better attention to people giving advice, you wouldn’t be shitting yourself about your future prospects.
Just a thought.
CCPWumaoBot_1989: The only person who has anger issues here is you. Stop diagnosing ne with anger issues please when the only one who is acting like they've got issues is you my friend
Sitheref0874: People facing charges for knocking out an 8 year old - you.
People not facing charges - me.
CCPWumaoBot_1989: Alright and? I don't get your point? You did it and got away with it.
Sitheref0874: Are you suggesting I knocked out an 8 year old? That wasn’t me, it was you.
For the record, I’ve never knocked out an 8 year old, unlike you.
CCPWumaoBot_1989: How do I know that??
| 15 | 2 | |
1657048928 | 1657049494 | t3_vs5u9l | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting the stall in the bathroom next to the guy who…well…🤨😵💫
[removed]
Academic-Living-8476: You should of asked if he wanted to race
capsunlock_: maybe later this week? 🤷🏾♂️
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1657048969 | 1657065860 | t3_vs5uuc | t5_2to41 | 989 | RaceGloomy: TIFU -nursing staff rushed in while I was stark naked in the shower.
This just happened and I am TRAUMATIZED!
So I am currently in hospital and you know, bored of lying around doing nothing. So I decide to hop in the shower. While in the shower, I bent over to shave my legs, all of a sudden I hear a weird noise at the door. At first I just think maybe the room mate wanted to pee.
All of a sudden...Two nurses burst in , frantic looks in theirs eyes and asking if I was okay. I attempted to grab all my 'parts', unsuccessfullly, and yelled 'wtf,why are you in here' .
Basically, my fat ass pressed the call button, which I did not know was even in the shower, hidden behind my face cloth, went I bent over to shave my legs. Triggering the nurses to think I had injured myself in the shower and rush in.
There I stood stark naked, looking like a drowned rat with a razor in hand while the nurses had to hold back their laughter as they closed the door behind them. I am pretty sure they are recounting this story to all the nurses on duty at this very moment.
I stood for a good 5 minutes in pure shock before I promptly turned off the shower and exited the bathroom to get ready for bed. Now I am here typing this to all of you because if I tell anyone I know in real life... I will never hear the end of it.
Edit 1: Hi guys, thanks for the reassurance the nurses don't care and sharing all your nurse and doctor stories. As I've replied to some people in the comments , it was not about the nurses seeing me but about me being seen by the nurses in a somewhat vulnerable and unexpected position. Once the shock wore off it now is only funny to me not embarrassing. I know nurses see naked people all the time and much worse too, in the moment it was a shock and a genuine 'i did something silly that caused a reaction' and thus the TIFU. Appreciate all the shared expeirneces as well they have given me a chuckle!
Edit 2: yes I shave in hospital. Been here for 3 weeks and maintaining normality is important to me and also self care habits are also important to keep up regardless of where you are!
TL;DR : while I was showering at hospital, nurses burst in to the room, while I stood stark naked and confused, because I pressed the emergency call button with my fat ass by accident.
nataskirk: You may have brightened their work day a little bit. Be happy you made them laugh . The didn't see anything they haven't seen in much , much worse condition a hundred times before .
Morkros: After seeing and smelling a diabetic foot, nothing impress them anymore lol
Castraphinias: Where is the story of the military vet doc who cleaned out some fat lady's necrotic tissue?
toleratedsnails: I’m sorry the fuckin what
ProfessorAnusNipples: [Enjoy.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/xo41d/comment/c5o66p2/)
toleratedsnails: Thank you for the link but I didn’t enjoy.
| 7 | 141.285714 | |
1657045830 | 1657119338 | t3_vs4o8j | t5_2to41 | 2 | JoeyHiya: TIFU by crapping on the bathroom floor
I blame the shrooms- which put me into a seemingly endless existential crisis, in which I found myself naked from the waist down, in child's post on the bathroom floor. I was clearly not thinking clearly, and my mind was going back and forth between "hold it in, or die" and "I don't give a shit, just release it." I finally did release it based on the ironic thought that "I don't give a shit, so i'm going to shit." I was unsure what I had done, until I smelled and saw the significantly large pile on the bathroom mat. I knew it shouldn't be there and after thinking about it, determined it should not be put in the trash, or outside, but in the toilet. Looking at my watch, I realized it was late and that my SO could be home at any time. I'm not squeamish and tried to think of how to move the waste to the toilet without using my bare hands, but due to the time constraint and limited clarity of mind, I just scooped it up with both hands and dumped it in the toilet. I remembered the "poop knife" post, so used my hands to break up the waste, and flushed it while rinsing my hands. While waiting for the low-flow toilet to refill, I rinsed a bit in the tub, grabbed toilet paper to clean the mat and hands, and then re-flushed, rinsing my hands again. Repeated this until most evidence was gone, and then debated on what to do with the rug- it seemed too large and dirty to wash. After creeping outside to throw it out, I wondered "would it fit in the washer" and it did, so I washed it. Out of shame, I just told my SO that I threw up, which was good, because there was some brown on the bathroom towel that must have come from my hands at some point.
&#x200B;
TL/DR: Got high on shrooms and lost control of my bowels on the bathroom mat.
beluga1968: Don't get high on shrooms, kids. They'll make you shit yourself.
DrunkenHooker: I've never shit myself on shrooms. I might have pissed myself but I think I was lost in a bedroom.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1657051543 | 1657060050 | t3_vs6u9j | t5_2to41 | 47 | skankkhunttttt42: TIFU I almost self slept on bootleg Viagra and cannabis
Almost died about 1 hour ago. well, I thought I was going to die. Enjoy
Gets home. Rolls a fat hash joint. Nice epic top hash. Makes a steak. Mrs decides she wants a ride tonight since the kid is staying away. Much obliged m'lady. Tonight we fuck.
Dumb cunt here still struggles a bit down there so decide i will take half a cenforce D tablet which is sildenafil mixed with Dapoxatine (drug that stops you jizzing) eats my tasty steak and smokes half my joint
1 hour later all the white facings, Windows etc in the house is electric blue and everything else is green. I get dizzy, light headed, and now I'm sweating so much my wife comes through because she can hear it splash off the floor. This isn't an exaggeration, It was seriously bad. Like rain water.
So naturally it's shit myself.jpg time. I end up on the couch, heart jumping all over the place, breathing fast as fuck, veins bulging out my arms and hands, and I can't hear or see shit. I can just about make her out on the phone to the operator. So, I spew hard. The whole lot comes up. And I stop sweating, blood pressure starts to go back up and I start to feel better. Ambo arrives and I'm not dying. Ecg fine BP is text book. Tell them I bought internet fun times and got a scolding.
Then they tell me that Dapoxatine and cannabis are terrible combos as it leads to dangerously low blood pressure.
Have to admit it wasn't much fun telling the female medic I can't really get a hardon. Was worse having to put my wife through that. Moral of the story for me is, just get the shit from the Dr.
So yeah. Literally today, approx 4 hours ago to be precise, I fucked up
TL;DR I took internet Dapoxatine and had dangerously low BP.
Prestigious-Wrap2376: Thank you for your service fallen soldier…
My “friend” would like some more info about this drug that stops you “jizzing”
skankkhunttttt42: Ah. Ones friend must understand that I am not a medical professional nor am I qualified to give out internet advice on drugs. However this is reddit, the drug is called Dapoxatine. The tablet I took was 1 half of a 6g tablet. It was allegedly, cenforce D. 100mg sildenafil 60mg Dapoxatine. I broke it in half because I'm not a geriatric diabetic with gout. I'm nearly 40 and healthy enough. Just can't keep the fucking thing up. Stress apparently. The tablets were purchased online and not prescribed so could have been a bit dodgey. That said. I've had some from the same batch which were fine, and all the symptoms were indicative of low blood pressure caused by sildenafil and Dapoxatine.
xOkamiyokai: In the spirit of preventing one from finding a bad source on Google, where would you recommend purchasing from. For safety ofc
skankkhunttttt42: I don't. That's up to you my bro. I'm not sure Cenforce D are even regulated. It's wholly possible the half tablet I ingested had a higher dose in it. The good news is I managed to fuck the wife about an hour ago and didn't die so it must have been a peak reaction. Thank fuck.
Look into cenforce D tablets mate. Go online and search for verified reputable vendors. But even then, there's 0 garuantee you won't get something a bit dodgey.
In the UK there is a Dapoxatine drug called pilrigy or something like that pillirgy uegh. Can't remember. That's basically Dapoxatine. You could, if you require it, gain a legal prescription along with sildenafil from your GP. Might be a better idea since it's good to be asked some safety questions and it's good to know the drug you are taking is regulated.
This one scared me enough to flush those down the toilet.
| 5 | 9.4 | |
1657053624 | 1657172399 | t3_vs7mue | t5_2to41 | 2,804 | the_grand_midwife: TIFU By having my 8 year old tattoo used to imply I'm the Chicago mass shooter
EDIT: Reuters published a [fact check piece](https://www.reuters.com/article/factcheck-tattoo-shooting/fact-check-photo-of-shoulder-tattoo-of-a-rose-in-a-fist-does-not-depict-the-arm-of-suspected-chicago-highland-park-gunman-idUSL1N2YN1K4) on me and this madness, so feel free to share it with anyone you see sharing that stuff.
So last night was going normally, i'm on vacation with my boyfriend chilling out, when i start getting random username mentions and chat requests. I'm not even a super active user so i was a little surprised.
My surprise level went from "a little" to "holy shit" when I found out why i was coming up in topics everywhere all of a sudden: A [post i had made 8 years ago](https://old.reddit.com/r/socialism/comments/20kb8b/i_thought_id_share_my_first_tattoo_purists_dont/?ref=share&ref_source=link) showing off my little tattoo was being used by [conspiracy theorists](https://old.reddit.com/r/conspiracy/comments/vrj9u6/since_he_was_identified_the_radical_leftists_on/iezfnkm/?context=3) (at first) then [alt right twitter](https://twitter.com/NMwarriors1989/status/1544139662423248896?s=20&t=XtYIl9AfWWCXqM1so34pNQ) and [other places](https://old.reddit.com/r/conspiracy/duplicates/vrj9u6/since_he_was_identified_the_radical_leftists_on/) on reddit and [elsewhere](https://thelibertydaily.com/no-robert-bobby-e-crimo-iii-is-not-a-maga-guy/).
Turns out when you [search "socialist tattoo" on google images](https://imgur.com/a/k3BV3jI) my tattoo is high in the results for whatever algorithmic reason; so the loons who started this must've found it that way.
But they seemed to not consider that i'm a real human being not just a random propaganda piece for them to use.
So, now instead of enjoying my time together with my boyfriend on the holiday, people are out there thinking my chonky arm belongs to [this little worm](https://imgur.com/a/efwPeAG) who besides being like 14 when i got my tattoo also definitely doesn't look like me. Like a commenter said "couldn't they have even cropped out his full beard in the tattoo picture?" The lengths people are going to "prove" their "side" right in politics today is scary. I'm getting messages from fact checkers of major news sites to prove that indeed I'm not a mass murderer instead of making the stew i had planned for dinner.
TL;DR I definitely fucked up by posting a picture 8 years ago of my tattoo, a picture that is now being used by conspiracy theorists to connect me with a mass shooter and will probably haunt me for a while.
P.S. Sorry if i got the formatting wrong at all, like i said: I don't actually make many posts.
luigivanappeltaart: What annoys me, even more, is how these conspiracy theorists throw the term "socialist" loosely like that, it's the equivalent of calling every damn Pokemon Pikachu.
Like, seriously, Social Democracy, Democratic Socialism, Communism, Marxism, etcetera are not even close to being similar to one another, and obviously (in my opinion) Social Democracy is best because it combines the Best of Capitalism and the best of "socialism"
fjccommish: Yes they are. They're all about central control, all flavors of leftism.
captainnowalk: Howdy! Most universities and local community colleges will have a class on political science! It’s a great way to expand your understanding of many different political groups and their goals!
fjccommish: I understand it completely. The goal of Nazis, Communists, Socialists - all the same. It's central control, some ruling group, forcing its way onto people. Period.
Azhaius: But not the godly religious conservatives of the world, they're all about that laissez faire freedom for everyone
fjccommish: Yes, it's the goal of religions - central control. That's why Jesus had such problems with the Sadducees and Pharisees.
Religions are institutions of man. Like man, religions are imperfect. God is perfect. Have a relationship with Dad.
cnthelogos: "All religions are wrong, except mine, which is different from all the others!"
fjccommish: Nope. All religions are institutions of man. They are flawed.
cnthelogos: Including Christianity. Yes, I agree that Christianity is *very* flawed.
fjccommish: All religions are flawed. Have a relationship with Dad, not with religion.
cnthelogos: "I know multi-level marketing is a scam, but *this* isn't multi-level marketing; it's an exciting business opportunity to be your own boss by selling this product that you purchase from us and convincing your friends to do the same thing!"
That's you. That's what you sound like.
fjccommish: I don't do MLM BS.
You keep trying to claim I support some religion. I don't. I'm not religious. I have a relationship with Dad.
You're projecting.
cnthelogos: >You keep trying to claim I support some religion. I don't. I'm not religious. I have a relationship with Dad.
I read what you're saying, but the vast, vast majority of religions claim that their teachings are special, and offer something that others don't. You can't just say "iT's NoT a rEliGiOn, it'S A rELatIoNsHiP!!1!" and expect me to believe you're special without evidence. Why should I accept that you're right, and not Hindus, or Muslims, or Scientologists?
fjccommish: I didn't claim to be special. Everyone can have a relationship with Dad. I don't know about those religions. I don't expect you to join any religion. I'm telling you I have a relationship with Dad. You can't deny it. If you want one, He's always listening, ready to talk.
| 15 | 186.933333 | |
1657053746 | 1657090636 | t3_vs7oix | t5_2to41 | 11 | spanishhybrid18: TIFU I'm 19 and in student debt. I fucked up by ordering food and my parents found out; now my devices are taken along with my key.
I'm a university student (1st going into 2nd yr) whose task is to get rid of my overdraft (£-500). It used to be higher, however I had some money saved from when I was working and managed to get rid of half of it. Whilst I was working out at home, I thought why not get something to eat and spent £11 on food. My parents then found out and now my phone, and laptop are gone meaning I can't search for more jobs and develop my skills. I never thought I would do this, but I have started to research how one can get into a house without a key using bobbypins since my parents have my key. I have hit a new low in my life.
In order to wipe my remaining overdraft, my dad has told me to do nightshifts at a factory (11pm to 7am). Although I know I need to do this, I do not want to fuck up even more as I am not a night person e.g, when I stayed up until midnight a couple of times, I was cranky and very emotional, and I do not want to hurt the rapport between me and my future employer. I am going to go to the agency I am registered with to tomorrow to see if they have anything, and if it's just night shifts, I'll tell them I can only do that night and another two days. In the meantime, I'll be at the library writing my book. I am aware this post displays picky behaviour.
Update: my mum found a job a week ago and told me to apply. I didn't because I couldn't find it. She then found out I hadn't applied for it although I told her I did just to get her to go away. Well, she then screamed at me this morning (called me a lazy cow) and now they're tracking my every move. She then said that maybe the reason why I don't hear back from companies is because my voice is monotone. *I wish I was back at the place I call home because there I had a job and was doing well at at; generally happier too.*
TL;DR: it is normal to get into debt at university, and to be calm during exam season (and at life in general)
Splyce123: Sounds like your parents are fucking insane.
spanishhybrid18: yep, but isn't everyone a bit insane?
Splyce123: Not as insane as your parents blowing up about a £500 debt and an £11 meal. How are they gonna cope when you leave Uni with a student load in the tens of thousands to repay?
spanishhybrid18: no fucking clue. I'll probably be living in a different country by then
Splyce123: Sounds like the plan for financing your education has been poorly thought out.
spanishhybrid18: Yes it has. I am aiming to get better at handling my financing.
Splyce123: I'm assuming you're in the UK (as you're discussing being £500 in debt). I work in a secondary school, so I have some experience in this. Normally, when a student goes to Uni in the UK, the parents sort out the financing, make sure their kid has enough to live on. Sounds like that's not happened in your case.
You do know the average student debt for a UK Uni student is around £45,000?
spanishhybrid18: I thought it was £60,000?
Splyce123: Your parents are really going to freak out then.
spanishhybrid18: yep
| 11 | 1 | |
1657053631 | 1657056598 | t3_vs7mxo | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by calling my boss “baby” before my first day of work
[deleted]
iron_crow: you posted this three times in 15 minutes comrade
moscowmule18: Yeah sorry about that, Reddit just decided to go bonkers on me
iron_crow: It happens, no worries. You should probably just call them "Babe" in work place settings
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1657058571 | 1657059973 | t3_vs9j3k | t5_2to41 | 15 | SherbetAmbitious2621: TIFU I’ve been talking to a girl got drunk and kissed one of my friends
I’ve been talking to this girl for awhile and we’re almost dating but it seems like she cancels on me everytime we try to hangout so I was drinking the other night and I kissed one of my friends and now they are like obsessed with me but idk if I feel the same because I have feelings for girl number one still
I currently have girl number one on opened and idk if I should address her and say something like this Hey Im just curious what we are? Are we done like do u not want to talk much anymore if u don’t that’s fine I get it but I’m just confused. Or do I wait and see if she tries to talk to me
I’ve been talking to girl number 2 and I feel bad because I don’t want to lead her on but I just don’t feel the same. What’s the nicest way to tell her how I feel something like this or. Ive been thinking and I don’t think this will workout our families are friends our brothers are like best friends I don’t want nothing to be awkward but the main reason is I don’t want u to just be a rebound I hope you understand
TL;DR I was talking to a girl for awhile and it seems like she always cancels on me. Then I got drunk the other night kissed my friend and she has feeling for me now but I don’t feel the same.
ETXCheeses: If girl number one keeps canceling on you then she obviously doesn't feel the same about you as you feel about her.
SherbetAmbitious2621: Ya I get that but i feel like if I can’t date her I don’t really want to be in a relationship so I try to talk to her and see if it works out or just leave her on opened and let it go
ETXCheeses: Give girl #1 one more chance but start figuring out if girl #2 might be more worthwhile.
SherbetAmbitious2621: Alright I will thanks
| 5 | 3 | |
1657060271 | 1657064054 | t3_vsa67o | t5_2to41 | 115 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally hitting on my dad
Im using a throwaway for this for obvious reasons.
Some things I think are important to know before I get to the fuck up is that I’ve always liked standing and posing in mirrors because I have no shame and like looking at myself. So I frequently wear different outfits and do different poses in my mirror in my room and just feel attractive and hot. Also, my family are extremely sarcastic and we mock each other in a jokey way a lot. Anyway back to the fuck up.
Today I had decided I wanted to try and find new looks in the mirror so I was trying on different outfits and accessories and doing different poses to see how I looked. While posing I got a glimpse of my butt and immediately got sidetracked looking at it, so I started just posing and showing off my butt in the mirror and gawking at myself. My dad walked past my room and saw me and asked what I was doing and I bluntly responded with “looking at my ass” to which he jokingly said “oh so you’re looking at nothing then”. I wasn’t having that and immediately wanted to make a comeback, so without thinking I said “be honest, you only came in here cause you know you want it”. It immediately clicked in my head what I had said. I stopped posing and turned around to see him staring at me blankly. I just kind of blankly stared at him for a while and neither of us said anything before he finally broke the silence and said “im guessing that sounded better in your head didnt it?” and I just nodded my head while he laughed at me and walked away.
I’ve been hiding and avoiding confrontation all day and I have no idea how to move past this because I keep cringing at myself every time I think about it. I think I’m gonna stop trying comebacks for a while.
TLDR: dad saw me checking myself out in a mirror and I hit on him while trying to make a comeback
Capable-Site-301: How old are you?
[deleted]: 16
Capable-Site-301: Ha, ok. Don't worry about it, you'll be laughing about this before too long. Just go with the flow.
[deleted]: I hope I will eventually but damn do I feel stupid
| 5 | 23 | |
1657060861 | 1657065584 | t3_vsae24 | t5_2to41 | 22 | henri124: tifu by introducing my 2 crushes
tifu by introducing my 2 crushes too eachother
Today me m age 21 and my 2 crush let's call crush them crush 1 and crush 2 f went to theme park. I've liked them for a while and thought I should see who l like more on this day out don't worry I wouldn't take them both out and get with one the same day that's horrible but we get their are having a good time but it felt like I was 3rd wheeling and well I was they where chatting flirting really good chemistry and I was just trying to get a word In so we get to the love train and I jokingly said you two should go on and then crush 1 said ph thx glad your OK with it and I was just sat their and when they came off crush 2 said we think where gonna go get something to eat if you wanna come and I was like nah I'm good you two have fun. Tldr: introduced my crushes got left alone lol
AlgaeRhythmic: Ghostbusters taught me to never cross the streams unless I want things to blow up.
AcrobaticSource3: Guys tell me this is true at the urinal as well
| 3 | 7.333333 | |
1657063095 | 1657069361 | t3_vsb6wx | t5_2to41 | 12 | ICouldntPicAUsername: TIFU by going thru my bfs phone
So this actually happened a while ago and i've talked about this with My friends but it still bothers me.
Before i say anything i want you to know that i had his permission to Be on his phone.
Ok so we have agreed with My bf of over 1yr that he won't watch porn because it makes me really uncomfortable and makes me feel like im not enough and he agreed.
He has had a lot of bots on his snap that send him.... You know videos and pics (im sure you know Wich kind im talking about ) and i have asked him not to Add Them Back and he was fine with it.
One Day i was snapping people on his phone next to him and noticed there was some girl who he had gotten a chat from a few days Back. I opened The chat and there it was. Numerous videos of some girl undressing and fingering herself that he had saved. It felt like My heart shattered in million pieces, IT honestly made me sick to my stomach. I have a lot of self esteem issues since i've Been bullied in My past For how i Look and suffer from Severe depression. He knows about My past and how much i hate myself and all i could think of was how he liked what he saw and saved Them. He justified it by saying he only saved it For later use but never actually did anything. I know it might seem like i overreacted but to me it feel like he cheated on me...he never really asks me any spicy pics Even tho im completely fine with Sending and it just felt like i wasnt enough. I just dont know what to do,.i know he has urges and its not his fault. The fact that he lusts over other women makes me feel so worthless Even tho "it wasnt a real person but just a bot".
I dont really know... I feel so ugly and worthless
TL;DR went thru bfs phone and found nudes
Colossal_Beer: Well he is male. He will watch porn and you just need to accept it or leave. Good luck finding male which doesn't.
Watching porn has nothing to do about you or you being wrong in some way.
ICouldntPicAUsername: I guess. Just in My opinion you dont NEED porn to bust a nut.
Colossal_Beer: You don't NEED but it's much more fun.
ICouldntPicAUsername: But If your gf can provide you with pics and vids why not use Them instead. Also keep on mind these are just My opinions. I used to Be lowkey addicted to porn but after getting w My bf it doesnt interest me at all anymore
Colossal_Beer: It just is kind of like change to that normal, just bit different example fetishes. It has nothing to do my SO for not being pretty or me not wanting her. Been in long relationships last 12 years and have always watched porn also, even together my current better half.
ICouldntPicAUsername: I guess i understant. Its just hard seeing him get off from someone Else yk? And i know i need to get better and work on My self esteem but im just not "ready?" For him to watch something. Maybe after i work on My issues and then ease up a Lil.
| 7 | 1.714286 | |
1657064090 | 1657069075 | t3_vsbjl3 | t5_2to41 | 134 | browtfffffff: TIFU by missing the hole
This actually occurred within the last 24 hours. I can’t really believe my luck but here we are. I thought that maybe this could serve as a good lesson to others so I created a throwaway and now I’m here sharing my incredible misfortune. This isn’t your typical “it slipped out and went in the wrong hole” story. It’s actually quite worse than that 😑.
I’ve been dating this incredibly beautiful girl for the past 4 months. In this course of time I’ve slowly learned that she is very turned on by being dominated and man-handled in bed. I’m very capable of delivering in that department but admittedly it’s really not my thing. At least not every session. I don’t want to be violently screamed at to “fuck your dirty little slut whore” every time I’m being intimate. Like I don’t want to finish and then think to myself… wait my current girlfriend is a dirty little slut? A whore? She said she doesn’t enjoy making love and just wants be aggressively fucked. I have not really fallen for her so I’ve offered to not be serious in a relationship but she shoots that down vigorously. She was the one who initiated the relationship and I accepted.
I get that she most likely is just “saying” those things and it’s likely a dirty talk fetish but.. it still is a feeling that I get that I really don’t need to feel. It’s not really a simple conversation with her either because she isn’t very communicative which is a whole other issue that I’m having. I’ve gotten to a point where I feel like this “relationship” will be short lived.
Now to the fuck up. Last nite we started getting intimate and we had a little argument so I was fueled to deliver on this fetish of hers. We get in the shower after round one. In the shower she starts rubbing me and I get going. We started to fuck in the shower and I got her out the shower for round two. I throw her on the bed all wet. Didn’t let her dry herself off. It was hot. We change positions a few times and she’s talking dirty. I smack her around call her a slut and I can tell she’s getting off on this. So after she cums a few times it’s my turn to finish.
I turn her around for doggy and I’m pulling her hair harder than I’m really comfortable with but I can see she is loving it. She begins to rub her clit as I’m thrusting from behind. I can tell she’s about to cum again so I force myself to keep going at that same speed and force.
My dick slips out and goes straight into her manicured 💅🏽 fingernails. 😖😖😖. Excruciating pain. Stung like a bitch. I look down and blood is everywhere. Her fingernail sliced my dickhead open. My dick is hard and gushing so much blood that I can’t see where it’s coming from.
We go into medic mode and start trying to stop the bleeding. After a few minutes the bleeding subsides and now I have a huge gash on my dickhead right in the pp hole. Fuuuuuuck.
TLDR Dick slipped while doggystyle fucking my girlfriend aggressively to satisfy her fetishes while she rubbed her clit and sliced my glans open on her manicured fingernail 😑
Rosey991: Lmaooo how old are you guys
browtfffffff: Mid 30s
Rosey991: You don’t love her or like, you’re dating.
At mid 30’s you can’t understand where kinks from?
browtfffffff: That’s a wild assumption.
The purpose of dating is to discover these things. I already said in the OP that she’s not very communicative so I’ve been discovering these things as I go. She’s from a different culture.
Also, are you implying that this kind of kink is something you’d throw in a tinder bio? People don’t just come out with their kinks until they begin to trust you.
Rosey991: Didn’t you say you didn’t fall for her? Lol?
Also, no. But I think it should be spoken before entering. A relationship
browtfffffff: I intended to convey that I have not developed any meaningful strong feelings and frankly having second thoughts. It’s only been a few months in. I don’t believe enough time has transpired for that sort of emotion to occur just yet. However I’m in agreement that a mature person would make their wants and needs clear. Preferably up-front. But not everyone works that way. In this particular case I’m the communicative one.
| 7 | 19.142857 |
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