start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1669264004 | 1669264412 | t3_z3a783 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by masturbating open doors
[deleted]
Doodle-Cactus: Shitpost
TheWalkingBag: It belongs on r/copypasta
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1669230617 | 1669424741 | t3_z2xnxf | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by being careless and almost seriously hurt a child.
This happened last night. I went over to a friend's house to finish painting a gaming table I built so we could play dungeons and dragons. I finished the last coat and since it's 0 VOC paint I decided to stay in the basement and make my friend a leather book/ character sheet holder with rare earth magnets as a closure for it while he puts his 3 and a half year old to bed.
For some background, I have been given a very high shelf with an electronic combination safe on it because I carry a handgun and usually have a knife or box cutter on me, and they have asked me to put anything that can be dangerous to their kid in there. No problem! Handgun, knife ect goes in there as soon as I walk in the door. I don't have kids, but I thought I had a grasp on what was dangerous to them, though sometimes you don't really realize everything because I don't have to in my daily life, you know what i mean?
So here's the TIFU. My friend asks me what I want for dinner and I suggest we go to a nearby grocery store and get chicken Caesar salad supplies, and while we chat about splitting the cost of the salad I put the scissors, exacto knives, box cutter, needles, and even my marking pen in the safe so she can't cut or poke herself.
What I dont put away is the rare earth magnets. They are smooth flat round disks so my brain isn't going, "it's hot, it's sharp, it's dangerous!" So we leave. While we are gone his wife is cleaning the kitchen, and she gets out of bed and swallows them. To fast forward a bit we get home and I go to the basement to grab my LaCroix and I find the package open and go "oh no, oh fuck!" And we had to take her to the hospital. Everything went fine and it didn't injure her but the doctor said it could have caused serious injury.
TL;DR didn't hide the magnets around a children, and children are apparently attracted to magnets.
DerMannmitdemKamm: Why would you carry a gun when visiting friends? Is this one of those MURICA things?
No-Town-4678: Yup. A lot of open carry laws. Unless op is law enforcement or military because it’s sense for them to carry. At least to me
| 3 | 3 | |
1669265335 | 1669266127 | t3_z3am65 | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: Tifu by telling someone I love them
[deleted]
dafoo21: If you really did feel like you did love her, don't be ashamed. She's just not the one. Nothing wrong with knowing love when you know.
But, if you know that you use those words in an improper situation, then yeah, talk to a therapist.
whettfish: Yeah honestly the chemistry was there but I don't think either of us were really ready for anything plus the FU kinda just exacerbated that.
One of those learning moments I guess, also therapist ain't a bad idea though
| 3 | 4 | |
1667237753 | 1667487535 | t3_yiiqvd | t5_2to41 | 4 | spacebootyhunter: TIFU by going to work in a Halloween costume
[removed]
Rynko_: Was no one else wearing one?
spacebootyhunter: Not like I was. Someone was wearing a pumpkin shirt and someone else had a bunny hat on.
YourFrienlyNeighbour: What was your costume like?
| 4 | 1 | |
1669266303 | 1669273743 | t3_z3awxj | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU AND GOT A GIRL PREGNANT
[deleted]
sampjennings: Well, that sucks.
As to convincing her, you know her better than any of us. Try talking to her.
Odd that an IUD would fail. You sure she was actually on birth control?
LunarTeers: Bingo, sounds like a trap to me.
sampjennings: I mean we don't have information. IUD's can fail, especially if they're hormonal IUD's and she is taking antibiotics or another drug which interacts with hormonal birth control. I'm just saying, it's a question to ask.
LunarTeers: It is for sure, and he'll have to ask and find out. But my last chick opted for the IUD and there's no maintenance. So I'm wondering if he said that because he thought it was a normal thing and guessed, or if SHE said it, which is suspicious. It's also the "one time thing", getting pregnant is actually not easy, it just happens because we're constantly doing it.
I'd highly recommend a paternity test before canceling school plans.
LengthinessPretty781: She said that it wasn’t “maintained”, not really that versed with IUDs, and thats good advise it’s still early enough where I can
Harry_Gorilla: My wife just tried to get her IUD replaced since it’s been 5 years. She was told that the latest data on her copper iud shows they last seven years. So maybe your lady friend has not had her old one swapped out for a new one on schedule?
LengthinessPretty781: I mean she’s 19 I doubt she’s had hers in since she was 12-14
Harry_Gorilla: Not impossible, but I agree. That’s the only “maintenance” possible tho. Unless she didn’t make time to get it put in
| 9 | 1.555556 | |
1669262442 | 1669310679 | t3_z39pfw | t5_2to41 | 28 | NightHawk_85: TIFU by making some bad choices and almost becoming homeless. I am staying with my parents for a couple weeks while I wait for my new places move in date.
Getting stoned at my parents house has turned out to be a horrible idea. 100% do not recommend if you have a fucked up relationship with your family. You hear your dad talk to his dog exactly how he used to talk to you when you were really young. We had a time of being a happy family for about 2 years. Before he started to abuse your older sister. You were too young to fully understand what she explained to you, you knew it was wrong but not how bad it was. What she said, what it exactly meant because she was too broken to say what he was actually doing. I remember when everything changed, how there was a time when i knew my dad had love for me. And now it's just gone, replaced with something different. Something scary. He knew he was a monster. And he knew his son knew. I knew his fucked up secret and I could ruin his life. And he hated me for it.
TL:DR: My dad hates me.
silvermice: You said a lot, and nothing all at once. Well done.
NightHawk_85: I was super high last night. TLDR. When I was about 8 my sister told me my dad was "touching" her. I didn't fully understand her or comprehend what was happening. I just knew something was wrong. I knew that I had been told something that changed how my dad looked at me. He knew what he was doing was fucked up. And last night I realized that was when he changed and instead of talking or even looking at me with love, he looked at me with hate. Because I knew about what he was doing. And I could have said something. Protected my sister and ruined him. Sadly I was too young and innocent. But don't worry I had my eyes opened shortly after all this happened. My life got really rough. Really fast.
| 3 | 9.333333 | |
1669266954 | 1669267156 | t3_z3b4d7 | t5_2to41 | 22 | [deleted]: TIFU by making my girlfriend cry after scaring her repeatedly
[deleted]
Jessejia: yeah you’re a fucking dickhead lol
debloons: I agree. She’s happy I’m publicly embarrassing myself by posting this, though.
Jessejia: curious on y’all’s age
debloons: We are both 19
| 5 | 4.4 | |
1669173357 | 1669440746 | t3_z2dsrh | t5_2to41 | 5 | chadam2: TIFU by trying to get back with my abusive ex
I know I know I’ve been Ill from a surgery and in a moment of weakness I tried to get back with my abusive ex. My ex offered to hear me out since I did end things with us and said that they weren’t quite sure they had feelings anymore but we could talk.
We FaceTime and as we begin talking I notice this is just stroking my exes ego and that we may very well hop back into things and in a moment of dishonesty I told my ex that I lied about something in our relationship so they’d never want to talk to me again.
I had the choice and that was the best I could muster of myself. I still didn’t have the spine to stand up to my ex and I feel ashamed. They told me that there’s a special place in hell and that I wouldn’t be redeemed(my ex is now religious after making fun of me for being spiritual) and that they really should’ve beaten me like they wanted to.
They told me that me lying about my feelings(of being hurt by their words) and being a liar in our relationship was terrible and that they’re actually a good person if not the best person, and that all my attempts to tell them what they were doing wrong to me was just me being hateful and trying to make them feel small. I was just kind of baffled that they took no accountability for anything.
For 3 months in the relationship my ex admitted to taking out they’re anger on there ex on me. For the entirety of the relationship I got yelled at routinely for trying to have a social life, degraded my interest, got told I was a cheater when I gave no indication of it, got told my friends and family were all bad in some way. I just don’t get how my ex thinks I deserve karmic Justice when I feel like I earned it by being with them.
TL:Dr: I almost got back with my abusive ex and told them a lie so we wouldn’t talk ever again. And I guess I feel kind of bad about the lying part.
Prind25: Don't. You did nothing wrong, screw that guys he's a piece of shit.
Objective_Tour_6583: Your misandry is showing.
Prind25: When it comes to the two genders the same problem will never materialize the same way for both men and women. Just from the actions of the abuser and the reaction of the victim its an abused female and an abusive male. Men and women's emotional reactions are wired differently on a biological level, there's also alot of psychology that goes into that. Men are highly likely to have a measured response in one situation where women react impulsively whereas in a different circumstance the reverse would likely be true but you'll rarely see them react the same way.
Objective_Tour_6583: Sounds like lot of words to say " I'm a misandrist".
Prind25: Well the field of psychology seems to disagree so...
Objective_Tour_6583: When exactly were you elected as their spokesperson? I'm positive that the entire field doesn't agree with you, soooo....
| 7 | 0.714286 | |
1667287633 | 1667293784 | t3_yj1ywd | t5_2to41 | 638 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting caught shoplifting, what's going to happen next?
[deleted]
Eknoom: Didn’t get your ID? Nothing to worry about. Just putting fear in you, but don’t go back to that store
If she got your ID then maybe a visit from the police but nothing severe and definitely no jail time for first time offence
somediscreetaccount: not only will i not go back to the store, i will never steal again 100%.
but no there was no ID involved, the only thing that she got was my credit card because i paid with that, and the membership card that the store has which you can scan and you get points on. Im not sure if that means anything?
livewiretoday: Yes it means they have your full details.
Via way of your Woolworths rewards card, which has your phone number, name, address, shopping history, etc.
somediscreetaccount: oh no.. does that mean theyre going to send the police my way?
livewiretoday: I doubt it. You ended up paying.
Utilise the food banks instead. Your $15 will get you $100 of items.
somediscreetaccount: i'll try and look towards the food bank =)
im super not familiar with the laws of australia especially regarding shoplifting, because i paid for the stolen item does that mean im good then? even though i was trying to shoplift in the first place?
livewiretoday: No. You’re on the radar now.
Do it again and likely worse will happen.
Ignorance of the law is no excuse in australia. Educate yourself.
| 8 | 79.75 | |
1669269226 | 1669299548 | t3_z3btjt | t5_2to41 | 18 | Lonely-Lie5886: TIFU by hitting someone with my car
To Make a long story short. I ended up hitting someone with my car. To set the scene had just stopped at a 4 way stop in the Walmart parking the the day before thanksgiving (today). I looked all ways and didn't see anything out of the ordinary so I started driving. Halfway through the intersection I heard a small thud and I wasn't too worried about it as it was a busy night and i assumed it was a shopping cart. Well| was in for a shock when I looked to my left and saw some guy with his arms up in the air clearly signaling what the hell. At that moment my heart sank and felt the the worst guilt and the ungodly hating of myself for doing such a thing. I knew that I was only going around 5 miles an hour as I just let the car roll through the 4 way stop and didn't get on the gas at all. I then waved that I was going to park and did. As soon as I parked I started to tear up and get out to not seeing the guy that I hit/tapped with my car. So I closed my door and just let myself sob Probably the hardest and most truthful l've ever had. About halfway through the sobbing, a nice guy who went by the name of don came up to me and was super helpful and told me that everything is ok and the guy just kept walking and that it didn't hurt him as he pushed off of my car to the side. Later when connecting the dots. The thud was him slamming his hand on my car to push away, but back to the story. Don and me talked for about 10 minutes before I had the courage to drive myself back home. Later at home all I could think about is coming so close to basically hit that man walking. Im slowly talking to myself saying that he was j walking at night in a poor lit spot in the parking lot though the middle of a 4 way stop, but I still feel like I took part in it as a driver needs to be watching at all times, but some things can slip past like this. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest, I haven't told anyone yet because a friend online. If you have questions or want to talking about it. Would be much appreciated.
TL;DR
woif0: this post is gonna be deleted very soon if your don't actually write a TL;DR (too long didn't read is supposed to be a short summary)
Akitiki: Tbh I kinda need it, the wall is difficult to read. Needs paragraphs or tldr
| 3 | 6 | |
1669053389 | 1669071796 | t3_z15byy | t5_2to41 | 118 | lawnmower_accidents: TIFU by using an electric trimmer on...myself
Not quite a today, but a few weeks ago, I fucked up by *attempting* to "trim the hedges" with an electric hair trimmer.
It seemed innocuous at first. Doing some general bush-trimming **\[EDIT: with a guard in place on the trimmer\]**, trying to stay presentable, when I decided to expand the realm of where I wanted to tidy up. I'm sure at this point, you can see where this story is going. I think at this point, I should add some additional clarity. I possess male genitalia...because that part is about to become incredibly relevant. So, I turn the trimmer to start cleaning up my balls. I was incredibly attentive here for obvious reasons. The loose skin seemed to be begging for me to somehow nick myself.
I didn't.
Until I did.
I now noticed some hair on my dick. Not a problem. I just trimmed my balls fine. *It was a problem.* I began trimming the underside, and my attention waned, or I wasn't able to see what exactly I was doing, I'm honestly not sure, because the next five minutes are a damn blur.
After one or two passes, I felt it. Something had gotten caught, or cut, or something. I was 100% not aware. It didn't hurt all that much, thankfully, but I knew something had happened and I didn't want to know what. It is at this point I knew just how much I fucked up. I lift *myself* and take a look at the damage. Expecting maybe a papercut, or a standard razor nick. What I was greeted with was a two centimeter (just shy of 1" for my American friends) laceration to the skin running from my scrotum to my penis. And it was deep. I had essentially torn myself completely open. If I had so chosen to be an even bigger idiot, I could have absolutely explored the wound manually. Thankfully, I still had some wits about me. Not all of them, but some.
At this point, I start rationalizing with myself. Maybe the bleeding will stop. Maybe it will heal fine on its own (even though I knew damn well this needed stitches). I grabbed some gauze and some topical cleaner with an anesthetic, saturated the gauze, and immediately placed it onto my wound. And then I sat. Slowly, my rational brain came back, and I knew I needed some professional medical care. So, I loaded myself into the car, and drove to an urgent care in town...where I was told it would be at least two hours before I saw anyone, and once I informed them of what had happened, they suggested that I head straight to the ER, because even if they could see me, I'd wind up getting referred there in the end regardless. Back to the car, and down the street to the local emergency department.
After going through intake, I find myself a seat and wait. And wait. And wait. At least it felt that way. In all reality, of all the folks in that waiting room, I probably got some of the quickest care, and certainly much quicker than I was expecting, and far quicker than the two hours promised at the urgent care. I get called into triage, at which point I tell the nurse and physician's assistant what I had done. The PA asks if I took a photo of the wound. I had not (should I have? who the hell knows). At this point, they take me back and do a wound check. The bleeding I thought was under control...was not. There is now more blood of mine than I'd like there to be on the floor of this curtain area, and I'm very ready to get this resolved. I get moved to a room and sat up on the bed. After a short while, the PA comes back with a nurse and scribe, and describes what joyous fun we're about to experience. Together. All four of us. I'm not overly shy, but I think this was the most people who had seen my junk at one instant since I was born. And I'm just hanging out. Literally. So we go through the standard wound care fun. Betadine (possibly the least pleasant part of the next half hour of my life), followed by local anesthetic injections (okay, this was the least pleasant part, and possibly hurt more than the mechanism for injury), and then five sutures to my dick and sac. All while cracking jokes about my predicament with the staff. Because if you can't have some humor about it, it's just going to suck more. So now, here I am, almost four weeks later. Telling the story to strangers.
Lesson learned: shave it, wax it, trim it with scissors, but for the love of all things holy, keep hair clippers far, far away from the recreation area.
TL;DR - I spaced out trimming my pubic hair, cut my dick, and had to get five stitches to close the wound. 0/10, would not recommend the experience.
Global_Monk_5778: Geeeeeez you fucked up real good. But thanks for this, I’m gonna have fun making my husband squirm when I read this out to him later lol. Seriously though I’m glad you’re ok. I’m a woman and I’ve nicked myself down below with an electric trimmer before - nowhere near that badly. It was more a paper cut, but you have my solidarity and sympathy! Mine was bad enough… especially as we can’t… aim. It stung for quite a while!! Words of advice - don’t do it again!!!
lawnmower_accidents: Hahaha, I figured it would get that reaction out of a few folks. I think I've told...three people? Maybe four. Anytime anyone's asked me to go do something active I've had to rely on a story of cutting my leg on a metal table corner and having to get stitches because of that...I'm honestly still shocked it didn't hurt as bad as my brain thinks it should have. When I first felt it catch, I assumed that's all that had happened. A small nick, a paper cut, no different than shaving any other area. Lord was I wrong...
The nurse who was helping gave similar advice. And recommended using an actual razor and not a trimmer. I've also now had waxing recommended, which sounds horrible, but honestly, if it doesn't cut my skin open, I'll give it a go...
Global_Monk_5778: I have to admit I’m too chicken to wax as I think it’s gonna hurt too much. Problem with razors is they’re going to hit every wrinkle surely?! They’d be worse?! I’ve actually had good results with a beard trimmer. Beard hairs are actually pubic hairs so it cuts the same and so long as you keep the guard on you *should* be safe. You won’t be able to go clean shaven but might be a safer alternative.
lawnmower_accidents: I guess I left that detail out…I had a guard on it. My skin slipped between the prongs of the guard, and, well, you read the post.
Global_Monk_5778: Oof, perhaps just embrace the el natural look then!
lawnmower_accidents: I'm a hairy individual, to the point of being remarkably self conscious about it, and I think I've finally hit the wall of being alright with it and I want to look a bit tidier? I don't see myself using those trimmers in that way again though...
And circling back to the razor thing, I think part of it is there's a bit more caution when using a razor, and you'll go slower and stretch the skin to eliminate the wrinkles, taking your time, etc.
| 7 | 16.857143 | |
1669183526 | 1669205182 | t3_z2h5a0 | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by losing my patience with a whiny crybaby
[deleted]
theNicAngel: Totally deserved. Piece of shit.
BootyEaterBandit: I don’t think Hana was that bad…
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1669270335 | 1669290984 | t3_z3c6f8 | t5_2to41 | 88 | ConfidentBirthday523: TIFU by bleaching my hair
So I (17f) decided that red hair waesnt what I wanted anymore. In the beginning of July, I did half of my hair black and even tho black box dye is really hard to get rid off I did a good job to dye my hair ginger at the end of august. Two days ago, I decided to be blonde again (last time I was 11). I buyed some bleach, purple shampoo, you name it. After washing my hair, I realized that the half black hair I got months ago was still there and mixed with the orange to make this wierd dark blonde orangey hair while the other side was stained orange. I tried everything and nothing worked, so I decided to dye it light brown. Little did I know that purple shampoo left green highlights in my hair. Plus that brown dye didn’t stick well to my scalp. Now I have green hair with blonde roots. Even tho I hate to say that, I think I will need to dye it black. I cannot afford a hairstylist, so now my hair sucks now.
TL;DR : I decided to dye my hair blond and it was ugly so I put brown instead, which is even uglier.
Mediterraneancalma: Now u can not enter to Qatar with that hair
ConfidentBirthday523: I cannot even exit my house with that hair anymore lmao
Mediterraneancalma: U can, don't be ashamed
ConfidentBirthday523: Imma get laughed at and damn everyone that I’ve dated or that I had problems with live right in my area, so I’m being more careful about not getting laughed at (even tho I know that I am for multiple reasons), so yeah I just gotta wait to find the courage to go buy more box dye lmal
Mediterraneancalma: Well so what haha lol u can just don't care about such things, u do this eventually, not caring about others opinions etc. eventually but the sooner u realize the better. So what if u have a rainbow hair right now? Instead of damaging ur hair with a new dye, wait for a while for ur hair to recover and then later u can dye it again.
ConfidentBirthday523: My hair is doing better than before I dyed it tbh so I don’t think I would need to wait that much (I used a shit ton of magical hair oil and conditioner lmao)
Mediterraneancalma: Well yea but dying ur hair is damaging, and when u do it so often it could be more damaging. So instead of ruining ur hair to avoid getting judged or getting laughed at, embrace it haha. If it looks cool, or if u like it then there is no problem with having a colorful hair
ConfidentBirthday523: It’s looking wayyy to bad but I guess if I put some red in it to at least cancel the poopy green I would be fine haha
Mediterraneancalma: Is it really that bad? Lmao rip. Well yes u can dye it to red better than just go back to black if ur goal is to be blonde
| 10 | 8.8 | |
1669274159 | 1669287660 | t3_z3dbli | t5_2to41 | 2 | cxcxxxc: TIFU by being a h*rny
So yeah, typical hot afternoon. Came back from school and decided to watch some p/rn. Thing is my phone is broken but I have a pc which is located (unfortunately) at our living room. You guessed it, I'm watching the \*special movies\* in a broad daylight. Literally. So my house and my aunt's house is connected. Houses in my country is side-by-side and in our backyard, we have a doorway on each other's house.
Now, the exciting part. She comes in our house to check on my uncle who's ill. And she went in without a fvcking sound. So yeah, my right hand was on my weenie when she suddenly pop out on my peripheral vision and it was too late to react. I got caught BUT I am hoping that my computer table is big enough to cover my weenie, but I got caught in the act so it was reaaally obvious that I was having the time of my life.
Right now, I don't know what to think. Should I pack my bag and leave for good? Or should I open it up to her.. I just wish this week would just fly fast. I hate myself and a big lesson is learned today. If the sun is still bright outside, never bring out your dick to fap. EVER. (of course, that's unless if you're in a closed space)
TL;DR: TIFU by being horny, phone is broken and decided to jerk off using a computer that is located in an unfortunate area called 'Living Room'.
Enrageder: my brother literally everything was screaming NNN. rip bro
cxcxxxc: i'm convinced this is god's way of saying to me 'stop fapping and start doing your home works, you lazy fuck'. aight' Lord LOOL
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1667314392 | 1667341701 | t3_yjaqep | t5_2to41 | 9,601 | Intrepid_Banana7210: TIFU By utterly failing at intimacy NSFW
I (26M) am dating a trans woman about my age. She’s wonderful, kind, and quite beautiful. I’m lucky to have her! Especially after what I did this past Sunday night.
It had been a stressful weekend and I had just arrived home from an out of state wedding. I was quite tired at this point and all I wanted was to go pack and head over to my girlfriends place and have a memorable night together.
My roommate had made dinner and saw that I was stressed out, so she gave me a glass of wine to help take the edge off. By the end of the meal I was quite full and calmed down a bit.
Feeling better, I left for my gf’s place shortly after eating.
I arrive and she opens the door in an open bathrobe. I’m immediately in the mood.
We start making out and I have her pressed up against the back of her sofa. Sexual tension is in the air and things are getting steamy. I pull her hips towards me and I press in to kiss her more… and this is where everything goes horribly, horribly wrong.
I was hoping she would catch my physics cues and arch her back, so I didn’t tell her what I wanted.
Note, I am still fully clothed with a hard metal belt buckle sitting just above her crotch, which was sitting just above the back edge of the sofa.
What happened was that as I pressed against her, she lost her balance on the back of the sofa and fell backwards.
She is a pre-op trans, so when she fell backwards, her balls snagged between my buckle and the hard back of the sofa as her weight carried her backwards.
She described it as if somebody closed a book on them and yanked.
She screams and I’m absolutely mortified. I immediately grab some ice and hand it to her before stripping and removing any potential hazards from my person for the rest of the night.
I go to her on the sofa and I sit, cradling her head in my lap apologizing.
She was extremely good humored about it, and even though she was in agony, she was laughing it off and telling me it’s okay she’s just gonna need a solid minute. And wouldn’t be able to move for a while. So, we sit together.
If you thought this was over, you are tragically mistaken.
It gets worse.
As I’m sitting there trying to comfort her, I was positioned on the sofa such that my hips were angled away from me and I was leaning over my gf with her head in my lap.
As I’m sitting, I feel a fart come along.
I was powerless to stop it, my sphincter was perfectly positioned for there to be no resistance and there was not enough time to reorient myself to hold it in. I look down at my gf and say “IM SO SORRY”
I released the toxin.
The smell was atrocious. She immediately gags and through tears of agony and laughter she articulates her feelings about how I have effectively trapped her and am now suffocating her with the vile substance emitting from my asscrack.
You’d think that would be enough, that surely I couldn’t have made this worse. You’d be wrong.
This situation was so bizarre, so unpleasant, and so embarrassing, my only response was to laugh, and to laugh really hard. So hard in fact that I choked. With a full stomach.
At which point I vomited wine all over her floor. A few times. (I cleaned it up right away)
I just want to say that I have the best gf ever. In spite of my stupidity and the awful nature of the situation, we ended up having a great night together and we’re still a happy couple. But this story is going down as my new most embarrassing memory. Hope y’all enjoyed our suffering.
TL;DR I nearly tore my trans gf balls off, farted in her face, and vomited on her floor within ten minutes while trying to be intimate. She forgave me tho
*EDIT: I’m not surprised y’all don’t believe me. That’s okay, I hardly believe it myself. Hope it made you laugh though :)
Some of you don’t like that she forgave me, so since it’s a fake story I’ll retcon here that she broke up with me on the spot and this Reddit post is my therapy homework or something 🥲
And to the person who reported me to the suicide prevention bot, thank you, you’re too kind 😂
**EDIT: I would like to apologize to the mods for inadvertently causing mayhem down there. I hope this brought about more smiles than frowns. Thanks to those who left positive comments! A lot of you guys made me laugh pretty hard 😂
LucDA1: > I immediately grab some ice and hand it to her before stripping and removing any potential hazards from my person for the rest of the night.
I would usually remove the hazards first before taking all my clothes off, but each to their own
Intrepid_Banana7210: Now I know, but I never would have thought a belt buckle would be so dangerous 😬
RunninOnMT: You've never been whacked in the balls by your belt buckle as you pull the belt on through the straps? This ocasionaly happens to me when i'm not careful, the belt buckle is hanging down on the loose belt between my legs and when i yank it through my belt loops, it flies back, then up, then perfectly back down to nut-punch me. Fuck belt buckles, they are a danger to balls everywhere.
Intrepid_Banana7210: Huh. No actually. I usually pull it all the way through the first strap and feed it through the rest.
Rip your balls though
RunninOnMT: Well, you're still young, you've still got time! Someday maybe you'll be in a hurry and pull it all the way through that first strap just a little too quickly....
(In all seriousness, i genuinely hope this never happens to you!)
Intrepid_Banana7210: Thanks for the new phobia! 😅😂
| 7 | 1,371.571429 | |
1669120840 | 1669217909 | t3_z1slpo | t5_2to41 | 333 | orotnashsad: TIFU by listening to YouTube alternatives for thermal paste
Obligatory this didn’t happen today. So about 1 year ago, I got a new processor for my computer. When it arrived and I decided to do my build, I realized, I don’t have any thermal paste for this thing. So I did what any reasonable person would do, I searched “thermal paste alternatives” on YouTube and found that I could use toothpaste. Now, normally I would say that isn’t a good idea, but I put a tube of thermal paste in my cart on Amazon, and started up the PC with toothpaste between the CPU and cooler. Now let me tell you guys that I have debilitating ADHD, and I forgot that thermal paste exists. Somehow, nothing went wrong. For an entire year. I then just saw that thermal paste is still in my Amazon cart, so I just bought it. When I opened the PC to swap the thermal paste, I saw some rock solid toothpaste that had oozed down my motherboard, and the CPU itself was dry. Nothing but whitening crystals on the CPU were left. Somehow that CPU has never throttled due to temperature, and is still running strong.
TL:DR I could have started a fire by not actually using thermal paste in my PC, and listening to YouTube.
Wartymcballs: I used diaper rash cream for my i7-6700k. Worked fine. :^)
Edit: my friend now owns that build and AFAIK the diaper rash cream is still on there. And that was put on when the 1080 just dropped.
Naprisun: Some of the thermal pastes are basically desitin. Idk if I’d have the balls though. One time I accidentally booted before I even had the heat sink on and it immediately overheated.
Wartymcballs: Modern mobos generally will shut down well before damage can be done anyway. You kinda gotta be trying to fuck shit up lol
Inuyasha-rules: Except for amd. They have been known to desolder stuff from the processor.
projectmat1: No. I have a amd procesor and it wont even try to boot w/o a heatsink fan connected.
Inuyasha-rules: Older ones (k6, k7, athalon xp) would. I haven't had anything newer that's amd based. Here's a video based on that era of processors.
https://youtu.be/Xf0VuRG7MN4
projectmat1: That explains it, im am rocking a athlon x4. Its Old but still powerfull.
| 8 | 41.625 | |
1669072831 | 1669161025 | t3_z1dphm | t5_2to41 | 1,471 | FlimsyLocation1977: TIFU by falling for a French girl visiting my area
So almost a year ago I (26M) matched with this girl (24F) on a dating app. We got to talking and I learned she is from France and is living in the US for a year staying with a family in another state across the country but they visit my area every now and then. Sadly our schedules didn’t match up this time, but we exchanged social media and loosely stayed in touch (responding to each others stories, etc). At first, I didn’t think much of it, but over time she began to intrigued me. On top of being gorgeous, I could tell she was thoughtful, motivated, artistic, and incredibly well spoken – all things I found very attractive.
Fast forward to a couple months ago, I get a message from her saying she is going to be in my area once again for 2 weeks and wants to meet me. We arranged to meet up at a nice outdoor bar. We ended up drinking wine and talking for 7 hours straight about life, our experiences, our goals, our passions. The chemistry was flowing through the air. My observations about her being a motivated, adventurous, and fun girl were all true. She had some of the most expressive eyes I have ever seen. She grabbed me to kiss me in the sweetest and most romantic way possible at the end of the night.
After we parted ways I knew this was going to be a problem, because I already started feeling strong emotions towards her. I had a lot of hookups and one night stands in the last couple years, but it had been a long time since I connected with someone on that level or met someone that really made me feel excited the way she did. The problem is she was only in my area for 2 weeks and is planning to move back to Europe early next year.
My head was telling me to stay away to protect myself, but my heart wanted to follow what felt so right. And I followed my heart, and saw her as much as I could in those 2 weeks. We experienced a lot of amazing moments together as I got to know her more, but in the back of my head knowing this might be a ticking time bomb.
Towards the end of her stay, we talked about how we felt about each other and both acknowledged we had strong emotions for each other, but knew our lives and plans were just pushing us on 2 separate paths. I work here in the US, she is planning to go back to Europe to start her career there.
I’ve always considered myself a rational thinker in terms of balancing school, my career and romantic relationships that I have had in the past, even in instances where I know I felt true love. But for the first time in my life, my heart is having me question everything and I’m truly considering dropping everything for this girl. She hinted at wanting me to visit her in Europe when she goes back to see her again. But she also fully respects my current goals and career if I want to just move on (which just makes her even more attractive to me).
Now I’m just completely torn and it has turned me into an anxious mess because I just can’t shake this one off.
TLDR: I fell for a beautiful, highly intelligent French girl who was in my area for 2 weeks. Now I’m stuck battling if I should let this go and follow my plans and career path or pursue what my heart tells me feels right.
EDIT: I’m thoroughly enjoying reading all of your responses. Both silly and thoughtful :) thank you
EDIT 2: TIL this sub is filled with romantics haha. Appreciate all the messages. I’m actually going to be flying to the state she is currently staying in over this weekend. I’m going to think about all this advice you wonderful people are leaving me before I talked to her again about this.
Prind25: Just whack her over the head and put her in your basement, don't see how that could ever go wrong. That's how the cavemen used to do it so it's basically tradition.
angry_old_dude: /r/ShittyLifeProTips
Prind25: Shitty?
angry_old_dude: /r/illadvisedlifeprotips?
lol
Prind25: I'll have you know I offer only the most premium life advice
Prind25: Fuck your sister, start a violent revolution against the DMV, 2+2=3, fight a cop, masturbate with bleach, life is a journey man you just gata live it, worst thing that can happen is you spend 30 years dying slowly in excruciating pain all alone.
angry_old_dude: Lol
| 8 | 183.875 | |
1669243420 | 1669442113 | t3_z32yef | t5_2to41 | 49 | Gow87: TIFU: I told my wife I'm going to sleep with her business partner
This was a few years ago now and we're no longer married...
I was out with my team at work, having a few drinks. One round turned into about 8 and I missed the last train home. Being the caring and responsible husband, I thought it best to call the wife and let her know that I'm gonna get a hotel. "Hey honey, just to let you know, I've missed the last train and I'm gonna share a room with a workmate"...
My wife was the jealous type: "Who?"...
Now would be a good time to explain that we had a lot of Nick's so we differentiated by including surnames, in this case, Cole.
In hindsight telling your wife you're pissed, have missed the train home, are having a great time and you're going to go and sleep with Nick Cole... Maybe not my brightest moment.
To compound the problem, her business partner was called Nicole so she very quickly drew the rest of the fucking owl and came to the conclusion that I was banging her business partner behind her back.
But fate had more in store for me. Just as the words left my mouth, when even my shitfaced little brain knew I'd fucked up, but before the start of a verbal onslaught, that was the moment my phone ran out of juice. Like some kind of fucked up power move, I called my wife, told her I'm having a great time, I'm drunk and I'm gonna go sleep with Nicole. *Click*
The next day at work, my poor little hungover brain was not prepared.
...we're no longer together.
TLDR: Got drunk, told my wife I was going to share a room with a workmate, workmates full name is phonetically identical to her business partners name. 4 years later - divorce.
shesavillain: 4 years later - divorce.. what’d she say after you got back home and explained? Why not add that?
Gow87: Because it's not entertaining. I was basically ignored for a few days and treated like a child on the naughty step. Emotional intelligence wasn't really her thing - more a shout scream and then silent treatment type.
bibbiddybobbidyboo: Out of curiosity, was she always like that?
Gow87: Yeap. But her whole family is like that...
I just thought everyone's different and has their own way of dealing with things but now it's a big red flag for me
Gwyenblade12: Naw, always pay attention to your partner’s family as birds of a feather flock together. Besides looks like you dodge a bullet when this hen flew the chicken coop..
| 6 | 8.166667 | |
1669281237 | 1669296928 | t3_z3fbel | t5_2to41 | 2 | TheOldMancunian: TIFU by posting to r/tifu
[removed]
[deleted]: After reading that I understand why you got so many downvotes. This is the most I’ve ever disliked a person after only ever having read something they’ve typed.
TheOldMancunian: Why? For pointing out the truth?
[deleted]: You pointed out that you expect a public park to be your kids nap yard. Did you take time to gag all the birds too?
TheOldMancunian: I have no idea what this means
[deleted]: You also have no idea what happens in a park but you came her to moan about it.
| 6 | 0.333333 | |
1668916761 | 1669002096 | t3_yzujad | t5_2to41 | 4,386 | adamsconner123: TIFU because I told my best friend that my fiancé is pregnant (with twins) and I want to name one of them after him
First of all, I (23M) and my fiancé (23F) have been together for 4 years. 6 months ago we got engaged but have decided we want to wait a few years to get married. We knew we wanted children but weren’t concerned about when that would happen. About two weeks ago we found out that she’s pregnant with twins. I am so excited and have had such a hard time holding it in. My fiancé only told her parents and very close friends but told me I can only tell my parents and siblings. I don’t think that’s really fair but I love her and just said ok. Today I hung out with my best friend of 10 years and I couldn’t help but tell him about us having twins. I knew my fiancé would freak if she found out so I was so nervous to tell him. Since I have had him by my side for so long I have always known that I wanted a child named after him. When I went home I came clean with my fiancé and told her what I had said. She got so furious I thought she was about to kick me out and become a single mom. When I mentioned wanting to name one of the twins after my friend she said I had to stay in the guest room tonight. Just now as I was about to write this she came into the room and told me that my friend already knew because they’re his brother’s kids. So now I don’t know what to do, my fiancé cheated on me with my best friend’s brother?? I am so pissed and just shocked. Now I know why she didn’t want me telling my friend, because he knew that she had cheated on me with his brother before and that as soon as he found out she is pregnant that he would get suspicious. And she’s always been nice to my friend but always was a little off around him. I guess that’s so he wouldn’t tell me the truth about her and his brother. I was really excited about having kids. She won’t stop crying and begging me to stay and telling me how sorry she is. I don’t know what to do, does anyone have suggestions?
TL;DR My fiancé cheated on me with my best friend’s brother and is now pregnant with twins. She’s begging me to stay and that she is sorry. What do I do next?
Lower-Present5511: Leave. She can raise those kids with your best friend’s brother. Stop talking to your “best friend” too. If he was actually your best friend, he would’ve told you that your fiancé is an awful person.
SpudTrash: Facts. What friend wouldn't tell you that your SO is cheating?
Eight7Seven: It's not that cut and dry. We don't know how The Dynamics between his best friend and the brother, we don't know exactly what the best friend knew. It can be a really sticky situation especially when you don't believe your friend is going to break up with his girlfriend.
But yeah he needs to have a really deep conversation with the best friend.
Lower-Present5511: I mean she slept with two men unprotected and was going to let one raise another man’s baby. A friend that’s ok with that is no friend at all.
Eight7Seven: Maybe I read the original post wrong, but so far the only person who's claimed that the BF knew about the paternity or the infidelity is the OP's cheating finance. Maybe this guy's friend suspected that something was going on, or even knew something but not the full story.
I've been in situations where I knew someone's partner had been unfaithful, but I also knew that they wouldn't leave them and me coming forward would only leave me ostracized from my friend once he took his girls side. It's not always cut and dry.
Frecklefishpants: Me too. I had a close friend admit to cheating on her husband, with multiple partners, over a period of years. I adore her husband and have known him since we were teens (they have been together for 25+ years), but ultimately kept her secret (and started keeping her at arms length because I honestly didn’t want to hear more). I did encourage her to stop and spoke with her about how I worried that she would lose him - something she claimed she did not want. She insisted that he would find out eventually and stay with her. Guess what? She was right.
Askesis1017: >Guess what? She was right.
Well then, I guess no harm was done.
This is a really weird way to talk about someone's infidelity, even more so when the victim is someone you claim to adore. It seems like you are almost justifying it. The possibility of losing her husband if she were caught is not the reason that she should stop cheating. What about stopping because it's a repugnant thing to do to someone?
Frecklefishpants: I understand. I care about both of them but am much closer to her, at least I was. The whole situation was difficult. I haven’t been in a room with him since I found out - thank goodness for the pandemic I guess.
Askesis1017: I apologize if I came off too harshly; I know it has to be a tough position to be in.
Frecklefishpants: It’s okay, I will always wonder if I handled it appropriately. I hate that I was in that spot.
| 11 | 398.727273 | |
1669160540 | 1669282356 | t3_z293gi | t5_2to41 | -1 | [deleted]: TIFU by outing my best friend
[deleted]
A_Total_Retard_007: You’re not an asshole! You just had poor decisions like how other people make poor choices and makes mistakes
obiscrabbles: He'd tried to sexually assault a woman multiple times.
A_Total_Retard_007: I just said that he had a bad decision! Everyone has bad decisions? The good thing was he realized after a bit and immediately pulled off didn’t he?
obiscrabbles: r/usernamechecksout
| 5 | -0.2 | |
1669283015 | 1669334971 | t3_z3ft1e | t5_2to41 | 101 | AnnoyingAnsweringAnt: TIFU by almost having my pen*s permanently stuck in a hand gripper
This will be my first, and only post on here.
The title almost explains it all, but it started with me (20M) being bored at home. All of my family members are away, shopping. I’d declined their offer when they asked me, saying my exams are on next week so I wanted to study. They said yes.
So yes I studied a little, about one and a half hour long session. Then I got tired and bored of the studying. So I did some exercises, sit-ups and push-ups and all of the classic stuff.
While I was finding a yoga mat in the store room, I saw a [hand gripper](https://imgur.com/a/CZTL0UI). It was my dad’s, bought some time ago, 25kg grip version. And I thought I needed to train my grip, so I used it. I did some reps here and there, and I got bored, again.
But I didn’t just only get bored, I also got horny. And I thought, the ring on the hand gripper looked suitable. And the next thing I know, I grabbed my lotion, and tried to stuff my meat in the hole. The worst part? It worked.
First thing I felt? It felt good. It was tight, quite tight, in fact. And I tried to gently touch myself here and there, it felt better somehow. So I left it like that for around 10 minutes, feeling great.
10 minutes later, I felt I have had enough, and wanted to take it out. But here’s the deal, it grew tighter, and mine was as hard as a rock. I couldn’t take it out. I knew what happened and went online to check how long is it safe to have the blood flow cut out on that part. 30 minutes, or else I will need a trip to the ER.
I calmed down, and went to take a cold shower, hoping it would soften it. Yet still it was as hard. At last, I used some soap. I squeezed some into the coiled rings, and I wiggled the hand gripper left and right. It hurt at first, but it went closer and closer to the top, until it came off finally.
I’m still thinking about how that easily could end up worse. I was extremely lucky.
TLDR: Was bored, found a hand gripper, stuck it on to my pen*s, couldn’t take it out, tried to take out with soap, worked.
MadHouseFire: Its odd to me nobody ever heard of holding your breath. Holding your breath is the easiest way to get rid of a boner.
one_more_black_guy: I have heard that a hard flex of a large muscle should do the trick.
MadHouseFire: Never heard that muself. But i used holding my breath when in the morning i have to go to the toilet it works wonders.
one_more_black_guy: Hey, if it works it works! Glad you found a thing that works for you!
Revocation_Of_Doubt: The quads, biggest muscles.
Anti-Boner squats
| 6 | 16.833333 | |
1669249907 | 1669252711 | t3_z35fc3 | t5_2to41 | -2 | [deleted]: tifu by stealing vapes in school uniform
[deleted]
wildadragon: It was just to scare you, unless you actually left the store with the product you didn't actually steal anything.
BigBoi0of: thats good to hear, im only stressing cos i dont want my parents finding out. im on my last chance otherwise i ll get sent back to my home country if i fuck something up again🤷♂️
Historical-Pea-5846: Top tip - vaping is shit for you, stealing is shit for you. Start making some better choices and you won't feel like this again hopefully. It's all part of growing up and you're just going through what we've all been through. Learn from this one.
BigBoi0of: yeah ive def learnt my lesson. i already know its stupid, stealing and vaping but i probably wont stop vaping anytime soon. im already addicted to it as well as smoking and other stuff but im tryna lessen my usage.
stealing on the other hand, i just wont get caught next time🤷♂️
jk, i ll probably stop stealing from now cos i really dont wanna get caught and have the added stress of it potentially ruining my life in several ways.
| 5 | -0.4 | |
1667339761 | 1667394931 | t3_yjmm6r | t5_2to41 | 99 | GuaranteeGreen5856: Tifu by getting lost in the woods.
Hey guys, this isn't something that happened today, but a couple years ago.
This story takes place in Florida, at a Management area that let's a certain amount of people hunt there every year.
He was one of the lucky ones so we decided to scout out a spot for him, while getting in some quality fishing.
To clarify, fishing/walking the woods is allowed, you just can't hunt without the permit.
So anyhow, my dad found a spot from the river that seemed promising, so we decided to check it out.
After checking out the area, we decided to go a little more inland, and after walking a couple minutes, I noticed my dad and step brother were nowhere to be found!
In my head I couldnt comprehend how we were split up, we were right BESIDE each other!
So I figured I'd haller, no response, so I figured I'd wait for a few minutes, call for them again, STILL NOTHING.
At this point I figured ill just go back to the boat and wait for them.
But of course, with my superb sense of directions, I ended up going the wrong way.
So about 15 to 20 minutes in, I hear a gun shot, knowing full well it was my dad trying to make noise for me to find him.
(He carried a concealed weapon for self defense, cause in florida, everything wants to kill you. Some of the bigger threads in the woods being: black bears, male deer,
Hogs and Florida puma)
Unlucky for me, it sounded distant and like it's coming from all sides.
So I contemplated, sitting on a tree stumb, trying to figure out what to do, or listen for another shot, but then in the absolute silence of the forest I heard it, very, very faint sounds of cars in a distance.
After thinking about it, in my great genius have decided to follow the sound, find a phone, and give them a call to let them know I'm okay.
So i started my great journey! The first encounter had been rather uneventful, except for the part where I could feel my lips drying up and chipping a little.
(Still don't know why they dried up so quickly to this day)
In the 2nd hour however, I've had wild deer pop up no more that 10 feet away from me, about 4 or 6, not sure exact amount.
They started running except for 1 buck, which I'm assuming was contemplating if he should attack or run, he ran, luckily.
I did NOT feel like doing Mortal combat with a deer.
The journey continues, seeing a bit more wildlife, including 2 Bobcats and a gator sunbathing on the other side of the river.
After roughly 3 hours or so I can FINALLY hear the road, but of course, I'm not known for my luck, and I see a damn Black Bear in the distance, and he spotted me, we look at each other for a few seconds, and he walks away.
THANK GOD, I was already saying my last prayers, grabbing my knife, and telling myself, "welp, I'm dead".
Luckily it didn't come to that.
Now, finally, I see the road, AND I KNOW WHERE I AM!!
Exhausted, I was making my way home, and about halfway there, my stepmom spots me and picks me up,
Gives my dad a call, and we meet up at his house.
After contemplating on how we ended up split up, we decided on me being an idiot for turning the wrong way and not waiting.
My dad ended up buying a me GPS that tracks your exact steps, and was talked into buying a phone.
(I personally can't stand phones, but can see the convenience.)
But yeah, that's my story of how I got lost in the woods, probably just survived because of the mercy of mother nature.
3rd time I had some weird stuff happen in those woods.
And have no plans on leaving a boat in that area ever again. Lol
TLDR: Went to the woods to help my dad, we somehow got split up, and got lost in the woods for around 3 hours.
AcrobaticSource3: > 3rd time I had some weird stuff happen in those woods
What was the other weird stuff? Does it involve a box of used porn?
GuaranteeGreen5856: Well, one time my dad and me went camping there, after we came back from fishing, I would find a seashell in the the chair, TWICE!
First one was a shell with several holes in it, the next time, about a day or 2 later, about a mile from previous camp, there was a picture book pristine shell on my seat.
Another time we were about to come back from a trip, and gramps was gonna meet us, since he lived about an hour away. We decided to throw the rod in the water again for a few minutes.
So after what we thought was about 15 minutes, grandpa called and said hes been waiting for like 30 minutes already.
We were all astonished when we noticed the time, being almost 2 hours later.
Dsblhkr: You likely were kind to a bird and they were thanking you with gifts/shells.
| 4 | 24.75 | |
1667340951 | 1667422403 | t3_yjn4ld | t5_2to41 | 2,785 | peacelily2014: Tifu How I learned to respect (read: fear) Birds
Tifu: Why I now respect (i.e. fear) birds TL;DR at bottom
This story takes place a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away (my great aunts farm in Virginia).
It was the early 80s and I was a wee lass of four or five. It was apparently apparent, even from that early age, that I was going to grow up to work with animals. And I did! I've been a professional dog trainer for over 20 years.
This story explains why I work with dogs and not birds. Back to the story...
I was a wee lass of four or five and my family was visiting my mother's family in the mountains of Virginia. On this particular day we were visiting my mother's great aunt, Aunt Tot (don't ask me, they're strange folk up there). As we pulled up to Aunt Tots house I noticed several peacocks wandering around and was immediately fascinated. When we got out of the car my mother, who knew me well, warned me not to mess with the peacocks.
Still eyeing the birds, I gave an ok. Then mom snapped her fingers in my face and made me look her in the eye.
'Do. Not. Mess. With. The. Peacocks.'
I promised that I would not.
Reddit, I lied.
Well, I *tried* not to mess with them, I really did! I followed them around for a while, pretending that I worked for National Geographic. But after a while I got bored and I started to think about how much I'd like to have one of those pretty feathers. I looked around to see if there were any on the ground, but there were none. And so I approached a large peacock from behind and told myself that he wouldn't miss just one feather.
And so I plucked a feather from the peacocks tail feathers.
I break out in a cold sweat just thinking about this.
For a moment all was well. I had my feather. No blood was shed (yet), and the peacock didn't seem to notice.
But then he lifted his head from where he had been pecking at the ground and slooooowly turned his head to look at me with his beady bird eyes. I had just enough time to think 'Oh shit!' (or whatever the equivalent for a four year old is) before the peacock suddenly fluffed up his tail feathers (which would have been beautiful if it weren't for the fact that I was about to die) and charged at me.
I did what any self respecting four or five year old world do. I turned tail and ran for my life, screaming for my mommy. As I ran with the speed of a cheetah on crack, I could see my mother sitting on a rocking chair on the front porch, glass of iced tea in hand. When I got nearer I noticed that mom seemed strangely unaffected by my plight. Worse, one the peacocks henchmen was now blocking the steps to the porch.
I dove to the left (or possibly the right, I wasn't too good with left/right at that age) and ran around the side of the house, my foe hot on my heels. I must have run around that house ten thousand times (so it seemed), screaming 'MOOOOOOM!!!' the whole time. Never once did my mother stir or come to my assistance. But I did hear her say 'I told you not to mess with the peacocks.' as I dove under the front porch to safety.
I have no idea how long I hid under the porch. Possibly as long as three days and nights. I don't recall the peacock finally wandering off, but I know he waited for quite a while for me to come out so that he and his peacock buddies could rough me up. When I was eventually coaxed out from my safe space I was covered in dirt, sweat, tears, and yes, blood from a split lip incurred when I hit the deck, much like a soldier diving into a fox hole.
I was cleaned up and laughed at by my distant family, but I was alive. I did lose my feather though.
And that, my friends, is why I respect/fear birds. Was it my fault? Absolutely. Would I do it again? Never. I'd rather deal with a 200lb, pissed off rottweiler than I would a bird of any size. Lesson learned.
TL;DR: I learned the hard way that birds don't like it when you pluck their feathers.
chaipants: I love this story!
I have a similar story involving a goose. I was about the same age as you were, and was with my parents on Whidbey Island, WA for vacation. We were out feeding the ducks one day, and I badly wanted to befriend the huge white duck that was casually hanging out in the yard. My dad told me not to bother said huge white duck, as it wasn't actually a duck but a goose, and not friendly. Well friend, I'll tell you that I ignored that sage advice and tried to pet the huge white duck and was subsequently bitten and chased for what felt like several hours (my dad assures me it was mere minutes) while my dad laughed his ass off. I've been afraid of geese ever since.
SylentSymphonies: Geese are fucking evil
Have you seem them fly? They don't fly like other birds. For one, instead of soaring or gliding, they just kind of chug through the air the same way an angry flying freight train would. Secondly, they do formations. Like a squadron of fighter jets. That's not natural, bro. Birds shouldn't understand aerodynamics.
Akitiki: I had one goose, a Canada goose. It is speculated his mate died, and he settled around our and out neighbor's for a while. His name was Elvis and he was actually friendly... to most people. Elvis had a way of knowing if people were good or not- bit another neighbor girl who had a tendency to bully me around. (Being bit by a goose doesn't really hurt, it's more alarming)
Meanwhile he'd eat out of just about anyone's hand, never got into the pool (but loved the kiddie pool), on top of that I could pick up and carry him, and if he saw me riding my bike he would fly alongside me.
VLDR: If you're nice to geese, they're typically nice back to you. If you feed one that has particularly bad depth perception though, you'll probably get your fingers chomped quite a bit.
PutnamPete: They are usually only jerks in the spring when they are nesting.
VLDR: I once somehow accidentally walked right up to a nesting goose that was sitting in a planter on a rooftop. It didn't make a sound and I didn't notice it for the longest time. Must have been one of them new stealth geese.
QuickSketchKC: r/undercover_birb
VLDR: Huh. That's like one layer deeper than r/BirdsArentReal.
| 9 | 309.444444 | |
1669287644 | 1669292476 | t3_z3h3gn | t5_2to41 | 12 | WolfLuna1115: TIFU by mistaken an lady as my MIL
That happened last week, but I still cringe and laugh.
My MIL and I, went shopping at a Sainsbury, my MIL wore a dark green jacket. So, I went away from my MIL to look for fruits and vegetables. When I got my items, came back and saw my MIL in the bread section.
I went there, and almost put my items in a strangers shopping cart. The lady wore also a dark green jacket, but that wasn't the worst part.
My MIL is in her 70's, and the lady looked in her 30's-40's.
My MIL joked and said "you're in the wrong shopping cart." While the lady was very kind and we had a laugh, while I was so embarrassed and apologize a lot to the lady. Whenever we went to another section, we encounter the lady and I try to hide my face. I was embarrassed, and when I told my hubby, he laughed a lot.
TL;DR I f up for mistaken a lady as my MIL.
N10369: Not a total f u but that sure is embarrassing 🫣
crimsontail: Depends on the perspective, if that happened to me it wouldn't be embarrassing, it would just be hilarious 😂
| 3 | 4 | |
1667363767 | 1667364155 | t3_yjvk8u | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by being tricked by a straight guy into dating him UPDATE
[deleted]
wolfsheds: post somewhere else? i’ve been invested
Economy_Leek123: Somewhere else? What do you mean 😂❤️
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1669287475 | 1669296379 | t3_z3h1ip | t5_2to41 | 94 | giantgreenplant: TIFU by nearly breaking the banjo string
I need to preface this with I'm an adult with braces. Specifically, braces behind my top teeth.
Anywho, tonight we're watching a movie and getting naughty and I go for sexy times. So movie on, go for a little down town action. And... It's stuck. Let me tell you, I have never been so scared. I moved a millimetre, it comes with.
I tell him I'm stuck, he's like, 'are you serious?". Mouth around penis, I'm mumbling, yes. We're both scared we'll have to call paramedics and be found like this.
I'm open mouthed, dribbling and scared. Fuck.
He's saying, "let it go down, it'll work out." I'm less sure but I try. With some pulls but eventually I feel rust in mouth which means blood. Oh heck indeed.
It's a waiting game now. All I can do is try and wait. I'm still dribbling and scared.
Eventually, penis goes flaccid, I somehow disconnect and now I have an ice pack against the barely intact banjo string.
Tldr: had sexy time, got caught, blood and chaos ensued.
Kangar: So, what exactly was caught on what?
Also, who was bleeding, him or you?
giantgreenplant: Foreskin caught on brace bracket.
He was bleeding.
Kangar: OK, now I'm sorry I asked. :(
| 4 | 23.5 | |
1667365156 | 1667383523 | t3_yjvzop | t5_2to41 | 7,371 | Economy_Leek123: TIFU by being tricked by a straight guy into dating him UPDATE
[removed]
d4m1ty: The gift was given on a premise of bad faith. He has no right to keep it.
You could small claims him. You might not win but it will put a public face to him for all the world to see.
Economy_Leek123: What can I do though that’s the thing. I feel so helpless regarding it
DylanHate: Ask him to give it back. If he doesn’t flip it back around. You just have to own this. If you act heartbroken and embarrassed at school they won’t stop. But he’s the allegedly straight guy who dated you for three months. I’d stand up at lunch and read everyone of his letters out loud. If people start saying shit tell them “I’m gay, what’s his excuse?”
Like literally just publicly roast this jackass. Loudly ask when he’s gunna give your necklace back every time you see him. Ask if he’s keeping it because he loves you so much.
Tell everyone at school about your dates. “Hey Skyler remember when we had our first kiss at the fair. You looked *adorable*.”
“Hey Skyler I really liked the way you ate that corn dog.”
“It’s too bad we didn’t work out Skyler, I really liked your mom.”
“Hey did you guys like our love letters? Skyler said you’d read them to each other every night. No wonder I thought you were really gay!”
“You got me beat guys, you out-gayed me. Didn’t think that was possible! So did you hang my heart shaped necklace by your bed or do you carry it around with you cause you miss me so much.”
Refer to him publicly as your ex boyfriend. Tell everyone how amazing and romantic he was. Talk about how all his friends fantasize about hooking up with a guy because why would a “straight” guy have a boyfriend all summer.
Talk about how after each date they would all get together and gossip about your big gay relationship. Play a super romantic song on your phone at lunch and tell Skyler “Remember when we slow danced to this after our movie night. You’re a really good dancer Skyler. You must have put a lot of practice into dating me. Still have the necklace I gave you? That’s so sweet.”
He’s the idiot for pretending to be gay for three months. I mean who fucking does that. If you own it in school the public opinion will turn against them.
Once they realize their joke didn’t humiliate you like they thought, all their power will be gone. When they see you joking around and telling everyone it will be wayyy more uncomfortable for them. Literally all they have to say is “Haha isn’t it funny that you’re gay.” But you are gay. And they knew that. So what’s the point of the joke? “Let’s see how long we can convince him we’re gay too”!
Once it comes out of their mouths they will realize how stupid they sound. Privately, you know it hurts and it’s fucking horrible, but if you flip it back on them in public and make fun of them back they will deflate like little balloons and it’ll be them switching schools, not you.
EDIT: Also the key to pulling this off is to act completely nonchalant about it. If you make it sound too forced it won’t work. Like it’s funny but you’re mostly just totally bewildered. Like a casual “can you believe this fucking guy, I even let him suck my dick.”
Also watch some comedy videos. I really like Bill Burr. Nobody does righteous anger like him and his rants are fucking legendary. You’ll hate-laugh all the rage right out of you.
nursepenelope: ‘Wow, skyler pretended to be gay for three months for what? A few dates and a gold necklace. He’s the real life version of ‘I’m not gay but 20 bucks is 20 bucks’’
majxover: In 20 years, he’ll be sucking dick for coke
| 6 | 1,228.5 | |
1669212979 | 1669217777 | t3_z2q92h | t5_2to41 | 88 | GwyndolynRedwood: TIFU by not having a bank account sooner.
Hi all.
I (21F) did not have a personal bank account until a few months ago. The reason being, I never had the need to have one. I only had a few seasonal jobs, and all the money I received went to my mothers' account. She would take the money out for me and I would keep it in cash.
A couple years ago, my Grandfather passed away. As part of his will, I received a small sum of money (less than 10k) which was paid out speedily and deposited into my mother's savings. My dad received the bulk of the inheritance (over 100k) but the paperwork took time, and needless to say money as well. He asked me if he could borrow money, and in turn, he would give me an extra 10k. As the right thing to do, I accepted. At the time he didn't 'specify' that the money could only be used towards my schooling. I went to Marketing school, and every time I needed to buy school supplies or the like, I had to hound him. He decided what I could spend money on or not. Realistically, I only spent about half at most what he promised during my schooling.
I later learnt from my mom that he had no intention of giving me the rest of that money afterwards.
Now, back to my inheritance money. As a young female adult, I have wants and needs. When I first got it, I spent about 1k over a couple of months before my schooling started. I didn't use any of it during my school term. After school ended, I asked my mom to take out some of my inheritance money, but she kept beating around the bush. She in turn, gave me her own money, when she couldn't afford to. Every couple of months, I kept asking, and she'd give me excuses.
Now that I have my bank account, I asked her if I could transfer my inheritance over. She said "I'll try."
I questioned in my head "Try? what do you mean 'try'"? It was until today that I found out the truth. Turns out, she ended up lending my money to my dad without permission. She lied to me for god knows how long, and he just thought he could sweep this under the rug without me knowing. When I asked how much was left, she replied "I don't know." I knew something was wrong, when she kept dodging my requests. She told me she'd sort this whole situation out, but I really don't think it will.
I don't know what to do, I can't trust my mom anymore after she did this and I can't trust my dad at all more than I already don't.
​
tldr; mom 'lent' my inheritance to my dad and neither of them told me about it, proceeded to lie about it until i finally hounded them enough to find out.
ragingninetails99: And this is why my parents made sure I had a young person's bank account where all this kind of stuff would go.
Sorry you had this happen to you, but it's never too early to control your own money!
GwyndolynRedwood: I wasn't taught about money growing up. Both my parents worked paycheque to paycheque. My dad spends his money carelessly feeding addictions, while my mom has spent all her money raising me as a 'single' mother.
ragingninetails99: Yeah, unfortunately I can see how this kind of thing can happen in a situation like that, even without any malicious intent (at least at first)
Bill comes in slightly above what you were expecting, normally you'd go overdrawn and stuff, but it's ok - you have all this extra money set aside! You'll just remember to put a bit more aside next month.
Whoops, something broke and you don't have the money for it! Well... Surely it wouldn't hurt anyone to use some of this money for it? You'll pay it back before it becomes an issue!
And so on, until you just *get used* to spending this money that isn't yours, lending it out, etc, until you suddenly realise there's none left.
| 4 | 22 | |
1668549189 | 1669292182 | t3_ywaqy4 | t5_2to41 | 16 | Medical-Ad-4787: TIFU by making a dark humor joke about Covid to someone I barely knew
This didn’t happen today it happened a couple of months ago but It just hit me right now and I thought it would be pretty funny to share. I work at this restaurant and I would always wear a face mask at work. However, this one day I decided to not wear a mask and a female coworker noticed this and basically complimented me. She pulled me aside and was like “Oh you’re always wearing a mask so I never see your face but I like it you look nice” or something like that. I thanked her and then I told her my reasons as to why I still wear a mask because most people don’t (at my work at least). This led to us talking about Covid and I thought it would be funny to bring up this joke I heard from stand up comedian Bill Burr (I believe it was him but honestly my memory is kinda foggy) where he brings up how it was kind of a good thing Covid happened because the world was too overpopulated and it’ll free up space on the freeway and shit like that. I thought we’d both have a laugh at it but instead she just stares at me and tells me that her mom actually died from Covid. FML. I had no fucking clue what to say to this. I felt so bad and just wanted to walk away. After apologizing multiple times she finally said it was fine and even agreed with me about what I said regarding Covid. But still, did she really need to mention that and make me feel like an asshole? Sigh.
TL; DR: Told a girl it was a good thing Covid happened because of overpopulation, traffic and she responded by telling me her mom died from Covid
fliguana: Not a tifu. You demonstrated your personality early on.
Medical-Ad-4787: Wdym?
fliguana: You are a kind of person who makes jokes about mass dying events.
LeoFias: fair enough
| 5 | 3.2 | |
1669292574 | 1669344205 | t3_z3ildi | t5_2to41 | 8,430 | randomaccount2784: TIFU by looking through my moms phone
backround info, me(14m) and my mom (36f)along with my dad (39m) have been a happy family for well over a year after some issues,today I found out my mom was cheating with her past ex and lied to me and my dad,
was about 1 in the morning and I was in the bathroom doing my business, my mom and I took selfies for her birthday earlier that day,I saw that she left her phone in the bathroom charging so then I decided to look at those selfies that me and her took. After looking at the photos and how they turned out, I noticed a screen recording of a video call with her and her very controlling, manipulative, and toxic ex husband that we “cut contact” with over a year ago the date said something like the 20th of this month, I decided to watch the video and it was them masturbating together. My mom and dad were (and still is for now) together when this recording was made. I asked her the other day what she felt about him and she said that she “forgives” him for all the shit that he put us through, she even said he had a new girlfriend. Im going to confront her about it and ask her what the hell was she doing and why has she done it.
TL;DR
mom lies to me and dad, confronting her tomorrow
Update: i couldn’t do it. the selfies my mom and I took were a day before. today was her actual birthday and i didn’t have the guts to tell my dad or anyone else about it. i didn’t want to ruin the mood for anyone else, especially my own dad.
torn2bits: Sorry you saw your parents masterbating in video, that'll bug ya in the head I'd think.
randomaccount2784: it did, got no sleep tonight cause of it
Ok_bet4231: I wouldn't have either.
TheConboy22: Giggity
Frederick-Barbarossa: How about some compassion?
TheConboy22: How about a sense of humor? Your comment comes across like the random shit a bot would say.
Frederick-Barbarossa: Not the place or time for humor, in case you didn't notice. Your comment comes across the shit that someone without empathy would say.
But if you think you're right, be my guess. Keep up the good work.
Incongruous_Cretin: There are simply individuals out there who find comedy in the tragedy of others. One points at it and laughs and the rest follow suit, for those who find it odd or done in bad taste, we're told to "lighten up"
TheConboy22: It’s Reddit. Comedy is used to dissolve pain. They are receiving plenty of kind words on this TIFU. If you don’t understand the goal of comedy in a situation like this. I feel bad for you.
Frederick-Barbarossa: If you don't understand now wasn't the time for comedy I feel bad for you.
But since you still think you're right, why don't you ask the guy who posted the question if you relieved his pain?
LightsOnNobodyHome91: Why the hell ate you being downvoted? Some sick fuck said sick shit and he gets upvoted. Whereas you, a moral person speaking sense, gets downvoted to oblivion.
I swear most redditors are incel ass people who are obsessed with sex.
unlikemike123: It's because humour from a place of kindness is used to heal us. It's been around since humans could make a joke. Why do you think people with the most morbid professions have the darkest humour? It's not because they're making light of people's pain it's because they're helping people deal with pain, compassion comes in more forms than just nice words.
New-Beat3019: You guys are really doing a lot of work to intellectualize a Quagmire joke. None of you are as funny as you think you are lol
unlikemike123: Why are you so determined to be right about this. It has nothing to do with the content of the joke and about the intent and timing. Do you really mean to say humour doesn't help anyone?
New-Beat3019: Idk I’m not trying to be right about anything it’s just annoying how someone rightfully got called out for a tasteless joke and now everyone has to bend over backwards making it seem like it was a noble thing to post or some shit. Like idc if you wanna make dark jokes but don’t act like you’re a saint for doing it, especially given the context.
unlikemike123: Do you think the joke was at ops expense?
New-Beat3019: Yes
unlikemike123: The situation is the expense though, the point of the joke was to move on a little from the sting of the moment. It's not saint-like or amazing it's just what a well timed joke does. enough people sensed that and laughed which is why we even saw it in the first place.
Obviously what you find funny is subjective but thought I'd try shed some perspective because tasteless and childish was part of the joke, it's why we didn't expect it.
| 19 | 443.684211 | |
1667359735 | 1667413697 | t3_yju98i | t5_2to41 | 20 | [deleted]: TIFU Fell for such a dumb scam at Target
[deleted]
speculatrix: The thing to remember is that you're a really nice person and believed you were helping someone in need, and that's great, the world needs people like you. I hope your family and friends really appreciate you in their lives.
I've learned to work on the basis of "trust, but verify". Sadly, it's parasites like that woman who squash a lot of people's philanthropy.
I hope you'll continue to be a great and kind-hearted person but apply a bit of caution so you can continue to help people who genuinely need help.
hyperweasle: Well the people I encounter usually straight up want cash for everything, I didn't think about them scamming people with baby products. It's different when it's an online scam or phone scam, I can easily dismiss it. But when someone is literally begging me face to face, it's so much harder.
speculatrix: The good thing is that those baby goods will almost certainly go to someone with a baby, who will likely pay a fraction of the shop price for them, and so there will be a benefit.. sadly that payment will go into the pocket of the scammer.
hyperweasle: Guess that is a silver lining if she does decide to sell them. That said, will be only donating to charities from now on and not random people.
speculatrix: Check givewell.org to ensure the charity is run well
| 6 | 3.333333 | |
1669294414 | 1669367410 | t3_z3j79p | t5_2to41 | 1,565 | howtobackflip: TIFU by snapping a huge rubber band on my neck to see what getting shot feels like
So a couple hours ago I asked what it felt like to get shot on askreddit, and someone told me if I snapped one of those huge rubber bands on my neck from a few inches away, I would understand how it feels to get shot. So, I being the idiot I am, decide to test that. We didn't have rubber bands, but we do have huge elastic exercise things so I used those. I pulled it back as far as I could and let go.
Holy. Fucking. Shit. it hurt. It hurt like hell, and still hurts like hell. My neck is still throbbing over 2 hours later, and I now have a headache. It's also bruised. So I can now confirm for all of you curious, getting shot hurts like fuck. Use this as a warning, do not do what I did, the pain is not worth satisfying the curiosity. I hope you liked my TED Talk, bye
tl;dr, Caused myself severe pain because I was curious.
edit: guys I'm ok. The headache is gone, and the bruise is just a bruise. I'm not dying
ReadReadReedRed: I heard that eating jelly is like dipping your balls in hot oil for 5min.
Pls report back on results.
howtobackflip: Alright I will go eat some jelly.
Will update later
Update: it did not hurt as bad
a-d-d-y: did the jelly deep fry your sack like you had hoped it would?
taborlin: Weirdly enough, gargling balls that have been dipped in hot oil for 5 minutes tastes like jelly. You can try it yourself if you want, but it's probably easier to just buy a jar of it.
Foxgamix: Wait, where do you get jars full of deep Fried balls
Augusic: https://imgur.com/a/yp7q0Iu
Primary-Sea-5248: R/riskyclicks
| 8 | 195.625 | |
1669295984 | 1669311297 | t3_z3jryk | t5_2to41 | 191 | Dumbie_w_throwaway: TIFU by being to dumb friendly and horny.
Today I fucked up by going on this tinder like app and I was swiping for a few hours, infact I enjoyed mindlessly swiping. And then I have a notification in the dm section and I check the dm section, and it’s the person I just swiped on and next thing you know we started talk and hitting it off
They asked for my WhatsApp and I expressed that I didn’t have one, and I just gave them my phone number instead. Next thing you know we started talking even more and more until she started talking about sex and she asked when was the last time I had it and she also asked what was my Instagram (just make a fake one or your gonna be like me). and she followed me and it asked do I know her and everything and like a dumbass I said yeah.
Anywho we sent nudes and she screen shotted mine put my phone number on there and said she’s going to send them out everywhere in my state and it’ll go viral. And the only way she would get rid of them is by me paying them 200$ and I don’t have it I’m literally poor, I just wish I was never so dumb gullible and trusting, I don’t know what to do. I told them my first check at my new job is theirs, but I need that check I don’t know what to do
I’ve been crying for the last 30 minutes thinking about how in a alternate universe I wouldn’t be this stupid, I mean I did block her but it’s too late she screenshotted my whole friendlist. I’m coming to you Reddit to let this off my chest as this is too embarrassing to send to someone else, u honestly wish I never installed one of those stupid game tinder things, I was just looking for someone that I can chill with and maybe play a few games with and now I’m in some bullshit.
I’m sorry you had to hear this
Tl;dr I was trying to find a new friend, and now I might have a lot of information leaked and to a avoid that I have to pay and 200$ fine
Update1: I told them that I was a minor, I also got them to lower it to 50$
Update2: you guys really helped a lot I feel a lot better.
Update3: I got them to wait and I’m gonna just wait and block them. Thanks guys, I really appreciate all of you!
Update4: they stopped fucking texting me!
Curious_Location4522: It’s online so it might be a federal case if you’re in the US and extortion is taken pretty seriously by the FBI. They may be outside of their reach but it’s worth a shot. Either way talk to the cops or block the person. Don’t pay them. If they do leak your shit I doubt many people will notice. Do you know how many naked people are on the internet?
Dumbie_w_throwaway: Millions I just don’t want them to send it to my friends and family
Better-fuel-huell: Talk to your closest friend or a parent about the situation. If you keep it to yourself you’ll get more and more anxious and make decisions you will regret.
Dumbie_w_throwaway: I can’t tell my dad, he his own cans of worms by himself. But I will tell one of my bestest friends I think, I don’t think it’s a good idea tho. That’s why I came to Reddit, that just ruined my trust for a good while.
-Eule: As it should, never trust people on the Internet, verify them for more than a day next time.
Steel yourself for the worst; you're scared now because this is probably the worst thing in your sphere of life at the moment but there's sooooooo much more out there.
Did the nudes include your face in them? You could down play it if not and maybe pretend it isn't you? Depends on how savvy you were with with the pic. Like others have said: go to the police, change your number and maybe even bin your whole insta account least they try to stalk you.
You got thissssss!!!
Dumbie_w_throwaway: Nahh I blocked them and changed my name and profile picture, I think I’m fine now I lied to them and told them to wait two weeks until I get my job, I don’t think it’s true I’ll get it that fast.
Critical_Feedback180: Just another thing to remember: never show your face in nudes. Ever. Not even my husband gets those ;)
| 8 | 23.875 | |
1669220022 | 1669297007 | t3_z2t5js | t5_2to41 | 5 | anti_romantic_: Tifu by yelling at my grandparents
Some context : I (20F) live in India with my parents. My grandparents live with us. My family is super toxic : we’re all a bunch of hotheads with a shit ton of issues and extremely loud voices. My grandma is the epitome of the evil MIL trope. She leaves no stone unturned to make mom’s life miserable and is constantly looking for ways to criticise her. My grandfather although harmless, is extremely paranoid, he’s constantly worrying about my father and is always asking us to check up on him (my dad is fine, he’s just obese and the relationship btw my dad and grandfather is very strained). Over the years, I’ve gotten used to this shit and I never lose my cool but I’ve been having some anger issues lately and I find it harder to control myself now ( I am yet to talk to my therapist about this).
Today, my grandma started screaming at my mom again and my grandpa was asking me to do something for him. I didn’t pay attention to him bcz I was distracted by my grandma’s yelling and he loudly yelled at me. I yelled back to ask him why he yelled. Then, I did what he asked for and as I was going back to my room, I asked my grandma why she was yelling and the issue (which she was yelling about) wasn’t even that big. She then started yelling at me and I snapped and said “ugh you’re always trying to pick a fight”. I went into my room after that but apparently she got super mad at that and started criticising me to my mom. Now, I feel guilty because she’s an elder and I shouldn’t have disrespected her like that and it was useless anyway bcz my mom and her are fine now but she’s super mad at me.
My mom thinks I shouldn’t have done that and told me to try to pacify her but I refused (bcz I’m scared of what she will say). I’m also scared that she’ll complain to my dad (he’ll flip out if she does). I’m feeling guilty but it’s honestly super hard to deal with this shit continuously for 20 years. I know it’s not an excuse for my misbehaviour but the woman is extremely petty and disrespectful.
TL: DR I yelled at my grandma bcz she was yelling at my mom and constantly picking on her. I also yelled at my grandpa bcz he was yelling at me. Now I feel guilty for disrespecting them and I’m scared they will complain to my dad.
JesseLaces: Get therapy asap and take anger management classes. Your future partner doesn’t deserve this. You deserve to figure out how to be healthy.
anti_romantic_: Yeah that’s not happening anytime soon. I’m not allowed to date. I am getting therapy though
Malevolent_Mangoes: Bruh you’re 20. Save up and move out with some roommates. Nobody should be telling you what to do at 20 years old.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1667404439 | 1667457840 | t3_yk8w0o | t5_2to41 | 2,938 | LarsButChaste: TIFU by committing a war crime in class, emptying the classroom and destroying the school bathroom
Ok so not today, but yesterday so it's still fresh. On Halloween I ate a lot of junk, plus ingested alcohol and had Mexican after, so there was already a perfect storm brewing. The next day, by second period I was already feeling my insides contort again and my stomach was making noises that were audible to my classmates nearby.
During third period I just had this sudden, uncontrollable urge that couldn't wait any longer, I just bolted out of my chair and ran to the door while being pretty much propelled by my farts, by the time I left the dude sitting next to me was already retching I assume.
What happened to the bathroom can only be described as a war crime, I'm pretty sure they'll needed a hazmat crew to clean it up before it becomes habitable again. It was for real worse than any use of chemical weapons in WWII. It was the kind of turd you don't even bother trying to flush, because by the time I was done I couldn't see the water anymore.
Anyway, that restroom was out of order for the day because even the people passing in front of it were complaining the smell. Also when I came back to class I found out that everyone had to leave the classroom my fart, so class was basically over. Idk what I do now when I have to come back to this class. Probably going to try to sit quietly alone and ignore everyone.
**TL;DR** Ate a lot of junk on Halloween, gassed out my classmates, destroyed a bathroom and don't know how to face them again today
Ok_Investigator8544: Halloween's Revenge: An Odorous Ordeal
keltsbeard: Oderus Urungus (Dave Brockie) would be proud.
Ok_Investigator8544: I had to Google the reference. Super fitting!
keltsbeard: I loved GWAR when Dave was there. He's got some great solo/Dave Brockie Xperience stuff too, Songs For the Wrong is a masterpiece.
the666thviking: I miss odorous so much!
His voice! His personality! It's just not the same without him.
| 6 | 489.666667 | |
1667428233 | 1667494121 | t3_ykjxk6 | t5_2to41 | 46 | [deleted]: Tifu by wearing only a diaper on Halloween.
[deleted]
OnlineScrub: Only a diaper? Like no socks, shoes, nothing? I don't blame you for feeling embarrassed. At least you can make the excuse of it being a costume.
Edit: Also isn't it normal for people to dress us in only a diaper when it comes to bars and places like that?
TheScruffyStacheGuy: Is it normal for people to dress up in only a diaper to go to bars?? What? Are we even living on the same planet? Where would that be considered normal?
OnlineScrub: talking mostly during Halloween lol
TheScruffyStacheGuy: Ah haha fair enough, then I would honestly have no idea, I don't live in a country where Halloween is celebrated as extensively as the US. It honestly wouldn't surprise me if that's a thing Americans would do during Halloween, I've heard people can go quite crazy at Halloween parties...
| 5 | 9.2 | |
1667429180 | 1667453215 | t3_ykkemb | t5_2to41 | 56,751 | Commercial_Low1383: TIFU by expecting my family to pay for my birthday dinner
Yesterday I turned eighteen years old. For the past six years like clockwork everyday on my birthday we'd go to the same place for dinner and I'd always get the same thing. For those who are a bit confused, I have extreme OCD and high functioning autism. Which means I'm very well regulated and like things to stay the same way that they always have been. Back to the story.
Every year on my birthday we go to Applebee's. The first thing I would get is the steak and shrimp parmesan with a side of loaded mashed potatoes, and cheesy steamed broccoli. Hate me or not, with a side of mozzarella sticks. In total its around 30$ A bit expensive I know.
I couldn't really tell something was off until a bit later because when me, my mother, my stepfather, and my older brother sat down. They didn't really say anything. I was confused at first and started tapping my fingers on one another like I always do. The conversation went a little bit like this. (Not an exact replica)
Mother: "Well..." I was rather confused. "Well?" Mother: "Aren't you gonna call the waiter over?" This gave me extreme anxiety. I have extreme issues with speaking with people and I tend to stutter and get very very scared if that's the right word.
I asked her if she could do it and she does it in a huff. My dad and brother staring nonchalantly. As she calls the waiter over the alarm bells are ringing in my head this is never how it went before.
As the waiter gets to the table he asks everyone what they want and everyones orders. As he gets to me, my mother stops him and tells him "Separate Bill" This is when my heart began beating very fast. I dont know a job, all the money I get is from our neighbors raking leaves.
I just kinda freeze. I don't really say anything and I get a really bad stomach ache from the anxiety. This is where I am conflicted on whether im the asshole or not. My mother would explain at the table that now that I am 18 I should be able to pay for my own things. I was already feelings nauseous from the situation so I just said I dont have the money. My mom kinda huffs and shoos the waiter away.
This soured the dinner party. However my mom also paid for my 23 YO brother. My family were calling me an entitled little A-hole the whole ride home. When I got home I just ran to my room and cried. They've been ignoring me the whole day.
I may be bad at social queues, but my family has never acted like this before, I mean never. They've been treating my horrible the whole day. I feel very angry and upset, at my family. If I would've been warned I would've saved my raking money.
I also don’t mean this to be a validation post I have all the information you have. I’m just very confused and im terrible with social queues. Aspergers am I right?
My family gets a little tight on money, I guess I really should've asked before I assumed they were gonna pay it for me. But I missed out on my birthday dinner because I wasn’t mature enough to bring my own money. I’m just gonna rake leaves for a couple weeks to order it from take out.
Edit 1: before you start like attacking my family this could totally just be me missing some social queue or something. I’m very terrible at picking up hints.
Edit 2: I understand what my parents was horrible. But I can’t claim I didn’t do anything wrong when there was nothing wrong beforehand. I’ve cried about it and tried speaking with them but they don’t want to talk to me. I don’t know what I did. For everyone concerned about me, I am fine thank. Thank everyone for the birthday wishes.
Edit 3: also everyone, I’m high functioning autistic, it’s a bit difficult to pick up on social cues and besides the anxiety I’m fine. I’m gonna have a sit down with my parents tomorrow and talk things over. This post kinda painted them as monsters, but, I was a very tough kid. Everyone’s saying to leave and call the state etc, A psychologist deemed me perfectly capable of being independent if I could work on my anxiety. My parents have been loving, but I could be a troublemaker sometimes.
Last post edit: I also don’t want to do a 12 update thing. So when I figure out what’s going on and if I get answers I’ll post it on a mini post on my own account. No need to flood r/tifu
TLDR: Family brings me to traditional birthday dinner, expects me to pay for my own food not knowing I dont have any money.
BeanpoleOne: This is not how healthy parents do this. If they are trying to get you to be independent they should have told you before going out that you would be paying for anything that you order, not AT the table and not on your birthday.
sswitch404: This is the what they should have done. It isn't unreasonable for them to say, "Well, you're 18 now, and we think it would be good for you to start paying some of your own bills. Let's work together on how you can do that."
It absolutely IS unreasonable for them to surprise you at dinner in front of staff. Especially when they know you have social anxiety and whatnot.
OP, your parents are the assholes here, not you.
Vithrilis42: >It isn't unreasonable for them to say, "Well, you're 18 now, and we think it would be good for you to start paying some of your own bills. Let's work together on how you can do that."
I would say it completely unreasonable to say this to someone with a neurological disability who doesn't even have a regular job. Raking neighbor's leaves isn't a good enough job to teach independence.
vegancookie: Being autistic =/= being disabled. It depends very much on the individual, and in this case there is not nearly enough information, even then I would suggest one is disabled by their environment in the vastest amount of cases, not simply by being, in this instance, not altistic.
TheBorealOwl: Being Autistic DOES affect you though even if it isn't dibilitating. We still process shit VERY different and from what OP says: That they get so nervous they can't even talk to strangers - shows that it -IS dibilitating because that's a thing people can normally do - order food at a restaurant.
The level of anxiety that stops them from calling the waiter over is a dibilitating level of anxiety.
All other factors not withstanding.
It's an area of their life that causes extreme emotional and physical distress.
vegancookie: My objection to their language there isn’t to say that autists are not ever disabled, it’s to say that what is disabling isn’t the neurotype but the environment.
Vithrilis42: Your objection was with something I didn't even say. I said they had a disability, not that they were disabled.
The problem with you objection is that the literal definition of disabled is "having a physical or mental condition that limits movements, senses, or activities." This categorizes even high functioning people as being disabled because having to control your environment to avoid things such as sensory issues or involuntary movements (stimming) caused by the disorder means that at a minimum your activities are being limited by your disorder.
IAmEvasive: It seems like people often confuse having a disability and being disabled.
You can have a severe disability but still be able to work and not be disabled. Or vice versa. Have a minor disability but because of circumstances like being unable to finish or access education the only jobs that are available to you are labor jobs that you’re unable to do. Or maybe you can’t get accommodations(it’s shitty how often this still happens) that would allow you to work in your field.
dontaskme5746: Hm? Seems like you are mixing and matching etymological / antiquated definitions with modern sentiments. I understand that it's a confusing and emotional space. A person with a disability is disabled. You sound like you know what you are talking about, but the nuances are in politeness, personal preference, and offensiveness, along the same lines of "differently abled".
 
Outside of that, I suppose a person could be "disabled" without having an internal disability, but we have better words for that. For example, an escalator can be disabled, decommissioned, or dismantled. A person might be hindered, restricted, or injured.
IAmEvasive: True I’m more so talking about modern sentiment than strict definitions and using vernacular that’s used by a large portion of people I’ve seen comment on the subject.
dontaskme5746: Yeah, I've lost count of how many times the "right" words have changed in my lifetime. The chance that any three people in the U.S. are on the same page on the topic has got to be embarrassingly low. I wish that the baby steps in "doing" the right thing were more like leaps, but I personally wouldn't trade away any advancement there for something as comparatively minor as non-legal labels.
IAmEvasive: I agree with you one hundred percent. It seems like labels in use have become so much more important because of a lack of respect that we are now accepting and claiming more and using language as a way to fight that disrespect since sometimes that’s all you have to fight with.
It’s hard to stay on the same page and avoid misunderstandings when terms change so often due to stigma or appropriation(or just inevitable evolution of language) and if we had that basic respect for one another regardless of appearance or ability or circumstances those things wouldn’t be drivers of such rapid language change.
dontaskme5746: Yup. I genuinely don't know if strong gatekeeping on labels is a good or bad thing anymore. My gut tells me that if we were all magically on the same page with labels, it would help, but it wouldn't be a replacement for respect.
It's odd, but I feel like the average person has gotten better at saying the right thing (which speaks to their respect), even if the label is wrong. Definitely a YMMV situation, because the "disabled" umbrella gets larger every year, and I'm sure that the groups at the fringes see widely varying amounts of respect. I know that I have my opinions.
 
You're certainly right that it's basic respect and decency that we need. It's a fluid space, so the best we can do is give the benefit of the doubt to every individual or group as science tries to determine if conditions are valid or what have you. Maybe not legally, but at least socially. That's tough to do when people with entitlement and ignorance are screaming louder than everybody else and driving a need for language changes.
Just gotta keep relating to people, regardless of the labels. Good talk.
IAmEvasive: I’m right with you in everything you’re saying. I wish I could give you a better response back then just an I agree one but I’m running out of energy. Thank you for this talk tonight. I thoroughly enjoyed it too.
| 15 | 3,783.4 | |
1669298566 | 1669301841 | t3_z3krme | t5_2to41 | 832 | clearlyspoken: TIFU by stuttering during sex
This actually happened in February earlier this year. Throwaway because it’s an embarrassing story I’d like to take to my grave.
My gf at the time (19f) and I (22m) were pretty new at doing the deed, as we had taken each other’s v-cards recently. We both got over the initial hump of nervousness and were really starting to cook things up. As a result, I got more confident and began to throw some dirty talk into the mix. She enjoyed it a lot, which brings us to that one fateful night. We were getting down to business, and I felt completely in the zone. Let me just say that whenever I’m excited/hyped up, I sometimes struggle to get my words out coherently. Because I was so into it, I blurted out, “You like this b-b-big dick?”
THREE B’s, guys. I’ll give you a couple seconds to cringe or laugh; my gf took three minutes to do both before composing herself again. After that, the mood was ultimately killed, and we just laid in bed to cuddle. She continued to laugh her ass off while I remained redder than a strawberry. Our sex life together was still great after that, but she never stopped teasing me about my flubbed dirty talk.
TLDR: I asked, “You like this b-b-big dick?” in the middle of sex. Session ended immediately with her laughter and my shamefulness.
EDIT: I'm not packing in case you were wondering. After doing [(length x diameter) + (weight / girth)] / yaw^2 the best I've got is a Desert Eagle.
EDIT 2: I’m aware that a Desert Eagle is long on a literal basis, but I’m being completely figurative. Nothing true to size about my Johnson here lol
RandomHero3129: This scene is playing out in my head with Jimmy from south park and it's great.
FrisCo58: Timmy, but yeah i had his voice in my head too hahaha
RandomHero3129: Timmy's the one in the wheelchair, Jimmy is the one that stutters. I had to Google it t make sure because I get them mixed up all the time.
FrisCo58: Oh shit, youre right, my bad.
RandomHero3129: All good. Happy Thanksgiving!
| 6 | 138.666667 | |
1669238810 | 1669348406 | t3_z312l5 | t5_2to41 | 14 | HippieInDisguise2_0: TIFU crashing my car doing donuts while meeting my girlfriends dad for the first time.
So this happened when I was 17 and very stupid. Also note that this was the first time I met my GFS dad.
I wanted to take my girlfriend on a date and since she lived a good distance away she got a ride from her dad to be dropped off at the high school parking lot. It was mid February in northern Michigan (aka, icy and cold) and I arrived about 10 minutes before she was supposed to arrive.
I had this ritual of driving like an absolute dumbass in high school. The parking lot for the school was split into a few different sections separated by an open gate. I would drive through section one gaining speed (getting up to about 45-50) and do a huge donut in section 2.
In order to kill some time I decided to do my usual driving like a dipshit to kill time. No one was in the lot as it was 7-8pm. I get up to speed in section 1 of the parking lot and realize:
Oh fuck I'm headed right for the pole/gate.
I try to stop but just end up sliding and smoked the pole at 50mph going into a ditch. Now, this is where I get to find out my car had a recall due to late airbag deployment. I got knocked out by hitting my head on the steering wheel and came through probably a minute or so later mildly concussed.
I immediately start to panic. "Maybe it's not so bad" I think to myself. Turns out it was really fucking bad. The impact launched one of my headlights 15 feet. The pole was basically in the middle of my engine and my face is covered in blood.
She sends me a text saying that she's about to be at the high school. Oh no oh no oh no. Wtf am I supposed to say to her dad???
She pulls up and her dad rolls down his window as I approach. "Hi I'm dumbass" I say laughing and give the man a handshake.
Probably one of the most embarrassing things I've ever done
TLDR: I had my GFs dad drop off my gf in town, it was my first time meeting him. I crashed my car just before he pulled in. His first impression of me was me covered in blood with a totaled car approaching him with a handshake going "Hi, I'm dumbass"
SirMonkey3000: Reminds me of meeting my gf (in high school) Dad for the first time. She lived in a different town and me and friends decided to grab a case of beer and do a booze cruise (I mentioned it was high school, lol) and go pick her up. Well we pull into their driveway and the Dad is right there. As we pile out of the car (he could probably smell the beer already) he notices the half empty case in the back seat! Luckily for me he went off on my buddy who he thought was me, lol. We dated for a few years and we never really talked about it again after that.
flentaldoss: Wow, your friend was a g for taking the hit for you.
SirMonkey3000: Well technically he WAS driving and that’s why the Dad went after him, lol.
flentaldoss: Hey, I'm not her Dad, don't worry about the technicality lol
| 5 | 2.8 | |
1669298641 | 1669302624 | t3_z3ksmz | t5_2to41 | 9 | ProudAirline4198: TIFU by trying to get in contact with my internet ex bf
I’m sorry if I mess up, English is my second laughing. So I wanna give some background first… I (15f) tried to text my ex (20m) I know what you all think, and you’re all right. But that’s not really the point. We were together for a year (I was 14 turning 15, him 19 turning 20). When we first came together he lied to me about his age, when he told me his real age, I was already deeply in love with him, and didn’t wanted to let go. Anyways. I have gone through a tough year when we were together and he helped me through an eating disorder, depression and later on bpd. Or at least I thought he helped me… He’d say stuff like “ I wanna make you cry by saying your fat because listing to you cry makes me hard and turned on. “ I’m young and I know it’s fucked up but I let it pass cuz I was really REALLY in love with him. In summer I broke up with him cuz I was falling in love with a one night stand (which was dumb cuz he is just as toxic and manipulative but that’s not the point) we broke up and I didn’t cry and it felt like a relieve actually. And this now brings me to the end of summer. I was sleeping over at the other guys place (let’s call him S (16m) the guy I fell for this summer) S and I had a “ we act like we’re in a relationship but we’re not cuz none of us is ready for a relationship “ so like a situationship. To be honest I was falling for him he wasn’t falling for me. (I blocked him like yesterday so no more toxic guys in my life) anyways- I woke up to him grinding himself against me while I was sleeping. Obviously I got sad and I freaked out and went to a station at 4 am. I was crying and shaking and without thinking I called him. My ex. We talked and he confessed he was still in love with me and I was honestly so surprised. He said that we should get together again and when I said no he said “ why would I ever get with a whore like you that goes around and fucks with every guy that gives you attention just because you look like a hooker and they know they can do whatever they want to with you because you have major daddy issues “ I’m honestly so embarrassed that I called him and I feel like I can’t tell anyone cuz I know it was stupid and I just don’t wanna have my bestie be disappointed in me. This happened at the end of summer and I’m much better now.
TL;DR
I called with my ex bf from Kentucky after being sa by my situationship and he called me a whore when I didn’t wanted to get back together with him.
TitanicsAnInsideJob: i’m sorry all this happened to you but fuck your ex, you should be crying tears of joy that you were able to turn him down. he sounds like a pig
ProudAirline4198: Thank you so much <33
| 3 | 3 | |
1669298719 | 1669482216 | t3_z3ktnr | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by sending my sister Porn
[deleted]
Heavy_Ad_7857: Sounds like a family of religious extremists
FlingShitter: Weirdo sends porn to his sister while drunk
You: “They’re just a bunch of religious freaks”
Heavy_Ad_7857: That's not an argument
FlingShitter: Okay? I’m not arguing
Heavy_Ad_7857: You don't know what argument means
It means you have no point
You used some words to essentially say that my opinion is invalidated without providing any reasoning
FlingShitter: I’m not arguing i’m pointing out how weird you are
| 7 | 0.428571 | |
1669297991 | 1669309721 | t3_z3kjda | t5_2to41 | 252 | throwsisteraita: TIFU by accidentally whitening my teeth the morning of thanksgiving 🫠
literally want to scream right now. I used opalescence last week and have had some sensitivity on my two front teeth. I read that applying a small amount of sensodyne to my trays for an hour would help, so I did so but only about 10-15 mins. Apparently my trays must have had whitening in them because my teeth are dehydrated now where you can see the white spots. Meaning I’ve accidentally “whitened” my teeth (opened up tubules) and for the next two to three days can’t have acidic or sugary foods, or foods that can stain. I am honestly about to lose my mind lol.
Moderators are saying I need to hit 750 characters, I guess if anyone is a dentist or dental hygienist and has any advice for me let me know :/
TLDR accidentally whitened my teeth on thanksgiving meaning my foods will be restricted for 2-3 days
Citadelvania: This is reddit there has to be a subreddit for this. Looks like you can try... r/askdentists
throwsisteraita: I have a few times this past week and it won’t post :(
bitchfayce: Drink a lot of water. I did this a few days before my sisters wedding AND the peroxide seeped into my gums. It looked like necrosis! Oh god it was awful. Just be careful. Eat soft foods, and hopefully it will go away overnight! Mo mashed potatoes for you. I was good by the wedding!! Have hope!!
throwsisteraita: Yes! Going to do that, have already started drinking a lot bc I thought that might help. Do you mean that the sensitivity went away by the wedding or the discoloration?
bitchfayce: Both! Had a steak dinner and a ton of red wine and lived to tell the tale. (My teeth are quite good)
| 6 | 42 | |
1668883368 | 1669068770 | t3_yzivtw | t5_2to41 | 249 | [deleted]: Tifu by being careless with my huge collection of dildos and embarrassing smut that I've written
[deleted]
Eldhrimer: They put themselves through that "agonizing" experience. If I was looking for a tablet and found a box full of dildos, then I would just have walked away. No need to go through every single one, and then on top of that searched your phone. You are not 16*, you are in college! FFS your parents were on the wrong here.
*16yo should also have their privacy, but I would be more understanding if some parents demanded the phone of a teenager after finding 25+ dildos and thought they may be having relationships out of their control or that are being exploited in some way.
ThatRandomGray: Yes they were in the wrong, but I’m assuming they let her live there rent free. It’s their house, and they can choose to do what they want with it. I’m not condoning anything I’m just adding my point. They could’ve looked at it sure but they should’ve just walked away. If the OP isn’t religious then they shouldn’t have cared at all (or at least talked about it.)
Eldhrimer: The "I pay, therefore I own" mentality is harmful to perpetuate when it comes to anything related to people, that includes their privacy.
ThatRandomGray: Ok, so are you saying if somebody lived with you, rent free, and you had absolutely no idea what they actually did. You wouldn’t be curious. Even more so about somebody who is a relative
Eldhrimer: My girlfriend and her two sisters live with me rent free. If I'm curious about what they are doing I just ask them. I would never go through their stuff without their permission.
How can you justify infringing someone's privacy just out of curiosity??
ThatRandomGray: I said I’m not condoning the act but anybody can be curious
Eldhrimer: And I'm saying that curiosity doesn't exempt you from having to respect other people's privacy.
ThatRandomGray: I never said it exempts them, I said they were still in the wrong but they can be curious if they wanted to. It’s a lucky skill to have to be able to control yourself. It doesn’t sound like it, but not many people actually have it.
| 9 | 27.666667 | |
1667433653 | 1667504280 | t3_ykmi4o | t5_2to41 | 526 | OptimistPrime527: TIFU by not suing after a car accident.
In summer 2018, I was driving home late at night. I was stopped at a red light, and when it turned green hit the gas and then everything changed. The main front corner got most of the damage, but because of the speed both cars were totaled. I found out in the er that the guy that had hit me was an Uber driver, looks like he decided to accelerate to try to make the light, not knowing the intersection had two sets of lights. He also only had his drivers license for two months and decided to drive recklessly with two drunk passengers in the car. At the time I chatted with a lawyer at my physio place who said I didn’t have a case, and in retrospect, I should have gotten a second opinion from another lawyer. I figured eventually I’ll stop hurting and since I’ve gotten money for the car and therapy, I’ll be okay…. Right?
Im still in pain and I don’t really see an end insight. I’ve paid out money for physio, chiro, and ergonomic office items. I’ve gained weight and I hurt all the time. My friend encouraged me to just talk to her lawyer, just incase, and they said they would have moved forward with the case. That I should call the Ontario law society (?) and make a complaint. The time frame limit for legal action was only 2 years, and I’m annoyed and frustrated that I blindly trusted someone without getting a second opinion.
TL:DR If you’re in a car accident, always talk to more then one lawyer. Missed out on a cushion for healthcare.
Revocation_Of_Doubt: Did the lawyer at your physio place say "this doesn't constitute legal advice"? Because if not then they have created a legal relationship.
Also, did you not involve insurance at the time? Surely there was already a case through the insurers to handle this stuff... You should check with your insurance company.
OptimistPrime527: I don’t think my insurance sued them for injury, that’s what I should of done 🫠
Revocation_Of_Doubt: But there was already a case opened for the crash, it could be argued that the injuries were not clear until later and that the timer has not expired on action, claim on your old policy and let them handle the legal side.
Why did they not prompt you about injury, why did your insurers not enquire about injury... You should definitely press this issue with them.
OptimistPrime527: I don’t know about that, I’m definitely down to explore it. It does say in my province I only have 2 years to pursue action so if I’m not completely screwed, I’d love to take action.
ninpho2246: Better start calling lawyers like your handing out job application
OptimistPrime527: I spoke to a lawyer and he said I’m pretty much sol, but he was an alberta lawyer vs a Ontario lawyer. I don’t think there’s that much difference
Vyraal: You should always look for a second or even a third opinion with stuff you're not certain of, not every lawyer practices the exact same way or has the same train of thought or drive. I wish you the best on this, it sounds like a big pile of the bad kind of ass
| 8 | 65.75 | |
1669307050 | 1669318162 | t3_z3o65z | t5_2to41 | 17 | Queenietingz: TIFU by not telling my friend I was getting bullied by his cousin
Tifu by not telling my friend I was getting bullied by his cousin
So I 17 m met this guy 17 m the beginning of our senior. We have two classes together and we have grown pretty close. He is Brazilian and White (this important for later). His mom is Brazilian and his dad is white and I met them at the homecoming game. I’ve gotten pretty close with his immediately family and I like them a lot. About a month ago they invited me to their family function where all of his aunts and uncles and cousins would be.
When we got there I noticed my friend was really on edge and later on that due to trauma that his uncle inflicted when he was younger. Apparently his family wasn’t aware and I guessed I payed an extreme amount of attention to his body language. When I pieced together that something happened and took him aside and gently asked him about it, he broke down crying and I just held him for about 20 minutes. We talked for a bit and he decided he wanted to tell his family what happened and I was there to support. Let’s just say everything went from 0 to 100 really quickly and the event ended swiftly.
The next day I was added to a group chat with people that I didn’t know. Turns out it was the cousin who added me who is the son of the uncle. Him and whoever else was in the gc started calming me racial slurs (the cousin is white and I am black). This happened for about a month and I didn’t tell anyone. So yesterday they invited me to a little get together and the cousin was there. My friend and his parents weren’t in the room and the cousin took it as an opportunity to berate which tbh I wasn’t really affect by it. I got angry only when he brought in my friends mother by saying “I don’t like that Brazilian b word but at least she’s not as dark as me” and that was when I snapped
We started arguing and when him and his parents came in I said “I can handle your racism towards me but not her” and it escalated to the brink of fighting but we got broken up. Again this event was also pretty much over. I stayed to help clean up the mess and my friend asked what I meant by “handling the racism”. I then explained how he has been saying racist things to me since the last event and he kind of snapped at me. He kept asking me why I didn’t tell him and he how could have stopped it and it aas just this really big fight. I ended leaving because it was all just a little too much.
We haven’t spoken since, can any give me advice on how to fix this?
TL;DR my friend is mad at me because I didn’t tell him I was getting bullied by his cousin even though he could have stopped it and we haven’t really spoken much sense.
Ekonchan: No worries chad a few days and everything will settle down. Also next time don't keep secrets.
Queenietingz: Yeah I guess I didn’t really mean to keep it a secret it just didn’t really affect me and I also wasn’t sure how he would react cause sometimes people will support family members no matter what they do
maciver6969: Tell him that, say that you werent upset by it because you know that the cousin is just trash, that the racism only made you angry when it was directed at others and that is why you didnt talk about it. I go thru it in reverse, I am about 1/2 Native American and a ton of my family lives on 2 reservations. When I go visit I get told I am not welcome because I am too light to be a "real" indian. I smile and say I can tell you more about my Native culture than YOU can and walk away. Trash comes in all sizes, shapes and colors. And do you know what we do with trash? We throw it away.
I never talked about it with other family because it didnt faze me, I know they were trash people so what do I care what they spew out? My uncle found out 10 years later and asked why I never made a thing. I said do you care what a cockroach thinks about you? So why should I care what they say? I only said something after they verbally attacked a young girl, and that is when I snapped.
Your friend will almost certainly understand once you can sit and talk with him.
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1669307922 | 1669407441 | t3_z3oizk | t5_2to41 | 15,945 | [deleted]: TIFU by totally ruining the mood during sex
[removed]
iamthefalcon: Why do you say ‘partner’? Just say ‘wife’ or ‘girlfriend’.
stopthechildren: Probably because they are partners.
iamthefalcon: ‘Partner’ would be a business partner or someone in an old western movie.
stopthechildren: Are you gatekeeping the word partner? What do you get out of this?
iamthefalcon: Gatekeeping? Use whatever word you want but it’s just inaccurate. ‘Partner’ is less specific and inaccurate.
stopthechildren: Partner when used to refer to a romantic relationship means partner in life, why don't you know this?
iamthefalcon: So does ‘girlfriend’ ‘fiancé’ or ‘wife’.
stopthechildren: So does partner.
iamthefalcon: If you say so. I think it sounds stupid.
stopthechildren: If you're not married wife or husband doesn't work.
If you're older than 25 'boyfriend/girlfriend' sounds juvenile and fiancé always sounds pretentious no matter who says it.
Partner is a solid term that can be used by anyone and also doesn't give away information about your relationship you may not want to share. I also love the idea that my relationship is a partnership and we are in it together.
iamthefalcon: Ok, we can have different perspectives. I do understand yours. I shouldn’t have even commented in the first place.
| 12 | 1,328.75 | |
1669036956 | 1669082863 | t3_z0yw07 | t5_2to41 | 1,601 | Freerz: Tifu by ruining my relationship and a special night
This was actually Saturday. It was my girlfriends birthday and I wanted to make it special. I made her brunch, took her to a nice botanical garden, and then took her to a fantastic dinner. Afterwards we went back to her place to pregame with her friends and then go out downtown. I wasn’t drinking at this point because I had to drive us down there.
Later on we go to a bar, I have a glass of champagne and a drink. Then we go to another bar. I buy a round of shots, and 2 drinks. Over the course of these four hours that’s all I had. Somehow I ended up completely out of control and was mean to her friends, saying sexual stuff, love bombing her, crying, and being completely crazy. I don’t remember any of those things. I was completely blacked out and ruined her night and now she’s struggling to decide if she wants to be with me.
I think I was drugged as I had very little to drink over that time, I know my limits and I was no where close to them. She thinks I had some kind of psychotic break because she stated before I mentioned I might have been drugged, that we had about the same amount of drinks, so she knows I wasn’t too drunk. I know Im not psychotic. I have no mental issues that need to be addressed and I’m nearly always upbeat and happy. I woke up and I wasn’t hung over, and I’m pretty sure I never threw up which I always do if I get too drunk (which I don’t anymore).
TLDR: ruined girlfriends birthday by being completely crazy. I think I was drugged, she thinks I had a some one off psychotic episode. She’s trying to decide if she still want to be together.
Edit: I’m a 30 year old 185 lb somewhat built man that takes no meds by the way. We ate well that day as well.
Edard_Flanders: Maybe see if you can get a drug test - if you were actually drugged it may still be in your system at a detectable level.
Also, maybe you should talk to a therapist / psychologist.
Cpowel2: That was my first thought. If he was with a group of women I wonder if someone slipped something into a drink and he drank it by mistake.
Minute-Ad-2148: Doubt it, Op had 5 drinks on 4 hours. Champagne, mixed drinks and a shot.
Most non-alcoholics would be pretty drunk off that. The only people who wouldn’t would be people who drink regularly / daily / multiple times a week and have developed a tolerance
RagnaroknRoll3: Uh, that's really wrong. I drink once every couple weeks, sometimes once a month and I can put away 4 glasses of scotch before I feel it.
Minute-Ad-2148: Well your binge drinking would be responsible for your tolerance then.
Binge drinking is a sign of alcoholism. Not all alcoholics drink daily. Binging and going on runs are also signs of alcoholism.
Seek help.
RagnaroknRoll3: Didn't say I did drink that much every time I drink. Just that I'm able to. I very rarely have more than a glass when I drink. I only ever drink like that when the occasion calls for it (ren faire).
Minute-Ad-2148: How many fl ounces of alcohol are you putting in your drinks? You must be putting barely any in there if it takes you 4 drinks before you start getting warm and fuzzy
tetranordeh: You're gonna be confident enough to ask for fluid ounces, but not alcohol percentages? Come on.
Minute-Ad-2148: Why would I need to ask about percentages when they already told me what they drink? Scotch is typically around 60% alc give or take 10 points.
I guess deductive reasoning is not a strength of yours.
death_anxiety: Scotch is not typically 120proof lmao. You're talking mighty confidently for a guy who has no clue what he's saying. Try 80 proof (40%) give or take a few points.
Minute-Ad-2148: Nice, so within my margin of error’s margin of error. I knew I was right about that.
death_anxiety: 10 points is not 40 points. Your margin of error is definitely off
Minute-Ad-2148: I didn’t say my margin of error was correct. I said that my margin of error’s margin of error was correct. Or do you not understand the words that are typed across my comment?
| 14 | 114.357143 | |
1669114907 | 1669309400 | t3_z1qr2k | t5_2to41 | 9,947 | DoneDrivingMyMom: TIFU letting my mom hold my phone
Yesterday my mom asked me (22m) to drive her to her job. She works as a nanny. I had to drop her off at one of her new clients. We had no idea how to get to the location without using the GPS on my phone. I asked my mom to keep my phone since I had to use both hands to drive and because I have yet to get a phone holder for my car. So, there we were, driving and talking, bickering and laughing and then all of a sudden a message came through on my phone. My mom was quietly reading the message before I had time to react, but the expression on her face made it clear to me that she was seeing something that was not safe for moms or me. My mom decided to read the message out loud. Unprompted. This is what I heard:
"Really? You're ghosting me? I ate your ass!"
I've never seen my mom look at me with so much disgust. It was an awkward and tense drive afterwards. My mom and I said nothing for the rest of the ride. I was supposed to pick her up when she was done working, but when she got out of the car she said would prefer an Uber instead. On the plus side, I got that phone holder.
Tl:dr Had to use the GPS on my phone while I was driving my mom. Asked my mom to hold my phone because no phone holder. A sexual message came through from an angry girl and my mom read it. Nothing positive happened after that.
compaqdeskpro: Something no one mentioned yet. I don't think it occurred to her that f2m ass eating is a possibility, so maybe she's assuming you're gay.
DoneDrivingMyMom: This didn't even cross my mind. Why is this my life right now.
Unc1eD3ath: Does your mom hate gay people?
johnhk4: Being uncomfortable with people eating ass does not mean you hate gay people
panicattheoilrig: yes but being extra uncomfortable just because it’s gay people means you’re homophobic
johnhk4: But straight people eat ass too. Funny enough, I didn’t even think the post was about a gay couple to begin with. It wasn’t indicated.
panicattheoilrig: yeah we know, the person that messaged OP was a woman. but OP’s mother might think ass eating is just a gay thing, so now she thinks OP’s gay and that’s why she’s so disgusted, which would be homophobic.
johnhk4: Fair but there’s plenty of gay people who don’t eat ass and are disgusted by it. I don’t wanna get into the weeds there’s just a lot of assumptions being made.
panicattheoilrig: I know, but their point was ‘this COULD be what happened, you might want to explain that’s not the case’. Since OP hadn’t even thought of that, as they said, and a lot of people might assume that their son was gay if they read that.
johnhk4: Ah, okay I agree with you and think I was interpreting it wrong.
Tamar1217: Upvote for the mature response to being incorrect. 😊
| 12 | 828.916667 | |
1669310943 | 1669314335 | t3_z3pq16 | t5_2to41 | 120 | singingsausagedogs: TIFU by winning the argument with my mom
ive been severely depressed for a couple years and today my mom tried to get me to the doctors for medication. anyway i spent probably 2 hours explaining to her how grey and sad life is and how pointless i find it. anyway i won the argument and actually changed her view. shes been sat on the couch staring into space since 11am, its currently 7pm for me. she wont answer me and she sees really pissed off. she’s generally a very busy and happy person and i dont think id be able to live with myself if she was like this for the rest of her life.
shes even ignoring the dogs who she loves more than anything and they getting very stressed
i am very worried about her and ive had to cook dinner for my younger siblings. note that im only 16 and i only know how to make very basic foods. thank yoi for reading
TL;DR i broke my mom with my depression
Malevolent_Mangoes: Uh you didn’t “win an argument” your mom tried to get you to the doctor and you basically said you’d rather not and then went on to explain for *2 hours* how horrible life is. I mean why? What was the purpose of doing that? Go to the fucking doctor. Don’t make your mother suffer.
singingsausagedogs: i think ive missed my chance to go to the doctor now.
Malevolent_Mangoes: That’s a horrible excuse.
singingsausagedogs: im sorry i didnt mean it in the way you think, what im saying is that i dont think she will offer to take me to the doctors again
Malevolent_Mangoes: Then get an Uber
| 6 | 20 | |
1669313746 | 1669404561 | t3_z3qtlx | t5_2to41 | 28 | banned_user002: TIFU by creating a PayPal account under 18
This actually happened years ago, but today is the day I suffered the consequences.
So, when I was like 14 or 15, I created a PayPal account for some reason. But I didn't use it back then. I started using it shortly after turning 18 because that was when I started selling stuff online. So, instead of creating a new account, I simply added my bank details to the existing one. I was normally using it for quite a while but yesterday it asked me to upload an ID which I did. Today, I got an email saying *"You can no longer use PayPal. We've reviewed the documents you submitted and determined that you're under 18 years old."* I was like "What?! But I am over 18 as should be clear from the document I just provided!" What's worse, the email said that even after creating a new account once I turn 18 (lol) I won't be able to use the same bank account details. Meaning I can't even create another account from another email.Confused I went to the PayPal help and customer service center to find a contact form or an email adress. They don't have one, only a phone number which doesn't work at this hour of the day. I thought I was going to call them the next day (maybe I'll still do it in case they can help). But c*ome on, PayPal, a company of your size doesn't have another way of getting in touch?!*
But meanwhile I went searching online to find how the hell this could've happened. Surely PayPal's algorythms aren't that bad to recognise a birthdate wrongly from an ID card?! At first it was hard to find anything useful, only actual minors complaining their accounts have been disabled. Then I stumbled upon [this article](https://medium.com/@ItsAllCode/paypal-is-still-one-of-the-worst-online-examples-of-customer-service-42f3c13f6cd0) and everything clicked. PayPal doesn't check your age on the date you uploaded your ID, but when you created your account. My account is now permanently banned and I can't open a new one with the same bank account and card. C*ome on, PayPal, is this really necessary?!*At least they let me withdraw my money. I have just sold an expensive musical instrument so it was a large sum which should be comming to my bank account tomorrow so at least that's alright.
TL;DR: I created a PayPal account when I was 15 but didn't use it. After turning 18 I started using it and had to submit my details. They permanently banned my account because I was under 18 when I created it.
Update: I got my money. I didn't call them today because I didn't have the time, maybe I'll do it next week.
Spiritual_Poo: PayPal is notorious for this. It's also right up front there when you sign up that you have to be 18. Sucks, but not the first or last time this has happened or will happen.
banned_user002: Yeah (like I cared when I was 15)...
The important thing is that I'm getting my money back (hopefully, we'll see tomorrow).
immibis: Good luck. Rich people can legally just steal your money and laugh about it.
banned_user002: I got my money back as expected so that's a huge releif
| 5 | 5.6 | |
1669316506 | 1669317750 | t3_z3rwho | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by nutting so hard, I had an out of body experience
[deleted]
Agret_Brisignr: Before I finish reading, Id like to point out that it's you trumpeteers that typically have massive egos. Us tromboners are just weird outcasts
Edit: bro wtf
Tgbtgbt: As far as i know, all of us brass section had an equal hand in making the woodwinds lives worse. So i like to think of us as one big ol' happy family of assholes :D
| 3 | 1 | |
1669316793 | 1669347749 | t3_z3s0hc | t5_2to41 | 256 | PeliUncertain: TIFU by blowing up a campsite
Obligatory, this happened over 20 years ago.
My friend and I noticed that his son who was about 13 at the time had never been camping so we decided to correct that error on his part. I lived a couple of states north from D and his son C so D packed up his car with "stuff people take camping" having likely also never been camping in his life. They arrived with the contents of their cabinets (in terms of food) and a large pile of things like tools and luckily some coats and stuff like that. I added in my camping equipment which was a bit more normal and I had spare stuff for them as well.
Off we went driving to Canada because I wanted to share my love of the Bay of Fundy with my friends kid. We make it there and all is well, we find a very nice campsite off the beach right next to the river where the Tidal Bore rolls in, really nice place. The campsite was cars only and had a very nice little fire pit, ringed with metal and pretty full of ashes from old campers. So we're having beers and making fun of the food stuff that he'd brought which D realized was a little ridiculous, lots of caned stuff and pasta and just weird food. We were particularly enjoying this really large can of baked beans, it was out of date but probably half a liter and for some reason that struck us as very funny.
Engage the fuck up.
I tossed the can of beans into the fire pit where it vanished into the ashes and was totally forgotten.
Later in the evening we built a fire, a big one, quite a big one really, rather a larger fire then we'd intended but it was warm, the tent was set up and ready for napping and the three of us were enjoying a relaxing evening watching the stars and spotting satellites as they went over. The fire burned down pretty low and there were LOTS of ashes in the fire pit now, hot ashes. VERY hot ashes.
Then the world ended. An explosion that is difficult to comprehend occurred in that fire pit, the entire, FLAMING, contents of that fire pit (recall that it's a metal ring) blew straight up and then mushroomed into a pillar of fire which rained down on everything for at least 30 feet around the pit. Luckily most of it was small chunks of wood and we were able to put out every tiny little fire over the next 15 or so minutes. The reverberations from the explosion were still ringing in our ears as we hears several other campsites clapping and cheering. Apparently we were camping on a holiday in Canada and everyone thought we were celebrating with fireworks.
We went to bed because, jesus christ! The next morning when the sun came up we discovered the extent of the fuck up. Every single surface for 30 feet at least was covered in a light coating of baked beans and ash. The tent was never the same, it took a lot of time to get the car driveable again as bean juice doesn't just wipe off of the windows, it smears literally everywhere. Another campsite next to us was also smeared in bean juice but they hadn't woken up yet so, of course, we packed up immediately and hauled ass out of there like the cowards we clearly were. All in all, it could have been worse.
&#x200B;
TL;DR canned beans blow up if you heat them, we heated them in a fire and blew up a campsite.
AnonUser3922747: Imagine the other people that woke up to all of their stuff covered with bean juice. haha I’d imagine a reaction of, W*f for the love of god happened while we were asleep?!?!??.
maqarewa: What *** fuck?
Onespokeovertheline: What *nholy fuck
| 4 | 64 | |
1669067123 | 1669572461 | t3_z1ba3a | t5_2to41 | 30 | akkhor: TIFU by breaking up with the girl I love
Didn’t happen today but a few months ago. So some background, earlier this year I reconnected with someone I used to know years ago. She and I got along great. She understood me in a way most other people didn’t. She soon became one of my closest friends. I would talk to her literally every day. After reconnecting with her I started to come out of my COVID-induced depression and things started to get better. She encouraged me to start working again. Things were getting brighter. I would be so scared to lose her. I would be scared of what would happen if she wasn’t here. She was my best friend. Then one day she told me that she liked me and I didn’t know what to say to her. I wasn’t sure if that was how I felt about her. I wasn’t sure if I could even be in a relationship. I told her that. I thought that was the day I would lose her. She was very hurt. Somehow our friendship survived and in the coming days, I started contemplating a relationship with her. I was still struggling with myself. I wasn’t sure if I was ready. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to get over my trauma and commitment issues. She started seeing someone else and I started to feel very sad. I was able to get myself together and occupied myself by doing other things, joining dance classes, etc. We were still friends so we were talking on the phone every night. She’d tell me about her day but at this point, I stopped sharing my problems and issues with her. I just didn’t want to put any stress on our friendship. I started to think I would lose her at any moment so I better just enjoy as much time with her as I can. Then she stopped seeing the guy and I kinda couldn’t stop myself from making advances toward her. I didn’t want to let her go. I wanted to be with her all the time. I was also getting a little burnt out. I was giving her all of my time, I was changing a lot and I wasn’t sure if I wanted all of these changes. I wasn’t able to tell her these either because I thought these would drive her away. Then she asked if I liked her romantically or just liked her as a friend. I knew I wanted to say yes. So I bought her favorite flowers, got her macaroons, and took her to a special place to tell her that I liked her. We started dating. I started to get a little overwhelmed. Instead of being happy, my trauma from prior relationship attempts started to come back. I thought we were moving a bit fast. I wanted to tell her but I was too scared that she would not like that. That she might leave. She was being very affectionate to me. I started feeling guilty thinking she liked me so much more than I liked her. She was so sure about me and I wasn’t sure about her. I wasn’t sure if I would ever get married and I started to think if I can’t be sure that I would marry her why am I dating her. I started feeling trapped that I ruined my friendship with her and now I’m misleading my best friend. I started to break down every day. I would cry every day. I wasn’t being able to function in my regular life. I was trying to keep up a facade to her as if nothing was wrong but she could tell something was wrong. When I asked a few friends I was getting a few different kinds of advice from them but I kept fixating on the advice that made me out to be someone doing something awful. Things kept getting worse. I finally decided that I was going to tell her that I was getting a little overwhelmed and needed a little bit of time. I went to meet her, she looked so sad and tired and all I could think was that I was hurting her and ruining her life. Instead of telling her, I was getting a bit overwhelmed, I told her I couldn’t be her boyfriend anymore. I broke up with her.
I broke her heart. The following weeks were just awful. I was hurting so much. She was a part of my everyday life, she made me a better person, gave me hope, and made the world feel so much brighter. She was my best friend. Without her life felt so empty and painful. Some people around me were telling me that I did the right thing. That if I wasn’t sure I shouldn’t have been in that relationship. It was at this point, I started to realize that I actually was in love with her. I wanted to be with her all the time. I wanted her to be there with me. Every time I was somewhere fun, I would be thinking I wish she was here. Every time I was happy I wanted to share that with her. I wonder every day if she is sad, I wish I was there for her. I would miss every little detail about her. If someone else would sit on the passenger seat of my car, I would think, that’s her seat. She was everything I ever wished for, I just realized that way too late.
Update: Thank you everyone for your encouragements and guidance. I told her everything. I probably wasn’t able to articulate my feelings completely but I said as much as I could. She pretty much responded by saying that she can’t really trust me. It’ll be too much pressure for her if I’m this dependent on her. She can’t see me the same way ever again and that it’s done and there’s no more us.
Tl:dr: I broke up with my girlfriend thinking I didn’t like her enough only to realize that I was absolutely in love with her.
Prind25: Turn that ship around. What went wrong here was your unwillingness to be honest and sincere, fix that, like now. Dump the whole goddamn thing on her so she knows what is going on with you, she can't do anything on her end unless she knows. You aren't bad but you need to tell her that you have these issues and when you start to feel like that confide in her so she knows why you are behaving how you are. There's nothing wrong with space but there is something wrong with space for no stated reason. You don't have to fix yourself or be perfect, you just gata be honest. You won't have anything good if you can't establish honesty my dude, the lack thereof will always ruin it, especially when there's issues. And stop fucking overthinking so much, you don't have to plan to get married and die together, if you do the today stuff and it goes well you'll end up at the aisle with her naturally. You literally can't be that certain about what you want in the future, so don't worry about it so much. What you are doing is self sabotaging out of fear because you'd rather deny yourself happiness than risk pain but you can't have happiness without pain, it's a Ying and yang kinda situation and that's just how life is mu dude. The good and the bad go hand in hand. So wipe your eyes, pull yourself up by the bootstraps, put your shit together, tell yourself that losing her is worse than any pain you could suffer, and go get her back.
akkhor: Thank you so much for your guidance. I wish I did all that. I wish I had gone to her with it. She probably would’ve understood. I fucked up so bad. We could have been something beautiful. I gotta try my best to get her back cause she brought the best out in me.
Prind25: Then fucking do it now. What are you waiting for man? Go to her and do it.
akkhor: She said it’s over. I’m sorry.
Prind25: What did you tell her?
akkhor: I explained to her what had happened. I told her how I feel. I told her how much I want to be with her. I told her that I loved her.
| 7 | 4.285714 | |
1668388154 | 1668581405 | t3_yuknoe | t5_2to41 | 30,889 | [deleted]: TIFU by listening to my wife's phone call recordings
[deleted]
WessyLynn: Nooooooo! No. No. No.
See now, I over share. But when I over share its me telling people that I peed myself at work or that I've eaten dog food(wet, the kind with chunks and gravy).
This is vile and seems malicious. Shame on her.
HouseofFeathers: I ate an organic dog biscuit thinking it was a cookie. Sweet, and fruity, but also meaty.
AndoryuuC: I used to share my dogs dry food as a kid, I tried dry cat food once, it was like eating salty rocks. Never once tried wet food, the smell is unappealing. Used to eat dog biscuits often, they were okay.
dragonbud20: good wet cat food just smells like cooked chicken I have been so tempted to try it when drunk lmao
sadphrogs: We got my dog yogurt dipped milkbones recently and every time I open that bag, I am so tempted to take a bite outta them because they smell like granola and vanilla yogurt.
AndoryuuC: Take a bite of one, if it's bad spit it out. It's not a big deal.
testearsmint: Isn't pet food less regulated than people food? Like, the same people food that already allows x amounts of insect parts per serving?
lhr00001: No, if its good quality it's supposed to be human safe in case a child eats some by accident. Or I get curious, freeze dried chicken is delicious btw
brando56894: I've tried jerky made for dogs before, it's pretty bland. Not nearly as good as the human stuff.
fenrslfr: My brain saw jerky made from dogs. And then I freaked a little when I read the second sentence.
brando56894: I originally wrote "I tried dog jerky before" and changed it for that exact reason 😂
| 12 | 2,574.083333 | |
1669170456 | 1669177507 | t3_z2crwl | t5_2to41 | 300 | [deleted]: TIFU by confessing my love to my best friend
[deleted]
Korgon213: Nah, you played your cards. Live with no regrets. Fear is a choice.
dead-memories: thank you for saying this!!! this really resonates with me. it’s something that I can’t take back, but now I guess I have closure!
Korgon213: Dude, I wished I had talked to so many crushes back in high school. It’s better to know than to wonder what if. Don’t let fear run your life.
| 4 | 75 | |
1667499310 | 1667566131 | t3_yla3vr | t5_2to41 | 7,625 | Rough_Cellist_5772: TIFU I didn't notice they were gay
Edit:
English isn't my main language and if you don't want a headache, just read tdlr.
I work in a hotel and every other day you or on of the guest makes a mistake.
One of them is, that they book a suite with 1 bed and 1 sofa bed, but don't write down, that we should make both.
I was called, questioned and huffed on because of that.
Today, 2 men checked in and my first thought was: "We only made on bed. Did they write down, that they need two?" Because one of them looked like a businessman. They often book a suite and share it with someone else, but sleep on separate beds.
I asked him: "We only made one bed, is it okay? Do you need a second bed? Should I make it now? Is it really okay?" Even though he said, it was fine on the first question.
But my brain didn't make the connection, that they were gay, until I asked him every question and he was blushing. I was mortified and tried to play it cool. I don't even know, if I should apologize or not because he looked uncomfortable.
Next time I won't make the mistake, but that was embarrassing.
TL:DR Embarrassed a guest with my question, because they were two men. Didn't get it, until the end, that they were gay and don't need a second bed.
omnana: Honestly (and coming from a bi person), don't feel bad. Hetero assumption is the default. I can't imagine they aren't used to navigating this sort of thing.
twirlingpink: Heteronormativity is bad... Am I in the Twilight Zone??
This was insensitive and OP should feel at least a little bad. That's normal and human. I'm not crucifying them for it but everyone jumping up and down to defend this...
Really gross.
ILikeFPS: I'm sure they would rather someone get their sexuality wrong and be nice about it rather than get their sexuality right and be mean about it.
twirlingpink: How about we don't make any assumptions and don't be mean?? Like what a false dichotomy... It's not one or the other!
Insterquiliniis: say you have to put down a wager of 10k on whether the secretary at X company is a man or a woman.
what's your wager Miss?
twirlingpink: A sexist example that proves no point. Pass.
Insterquiliniis: so you wouldn't make the *correct* assumption that it's +90% probable it'll be a woman?
twirlingpink: Let's not make any assumptions at all!
Insterquiliniis: that's absolutely not how anything works. Humans are biologically built to look for patterns, which is also a sign of intelligence.
To always assume and to never expect a different possible variation is not.
If you drove the way you argue you'd never leave your driveway without getting into an accident.
Also never making assumptions is kind of an assumption in itself, but I don't expect you to understand that.
| 10 | 762.5 | |
1669325479 | 1669360291 | t3_z3v6hs | t5_2to41 | 212 | Flipmstr2: TIFU because I can’t bring myself to visit my mom.
My mom has been in memory care for over a year. The few times I brought her to my house she gets very agitated and wants to go home. Today is Thanksgiving and my wife and I thought it good to go have dinner with her. I called yesterday and found out they are having a brunch. My wife worked last night and works tonight so she wasn’t going to make it. She stated that “she probably won’t recognize me anyway” which is true.
She also doesn’t recognize me anymore either.
She is also is also deaf so talking to her is near impossible. Basically use an app on the phone to type messages in large font to her. She only understands very simple questions half the time.
I headed out to go have lunch with her but now am stuck in a parking lot down the street trying to justify in my head why I am OK not seeing her and not feel guilty for not following through.
TLDR; feeling guilty for not wanting to visit my mom with Alzheimer’s.
Edit 1: Thank for all of the support and I wish I could respond to everyone individually. Thank you for taking the time with you kind words.
First, I want to paint a bit of perspective. My mom was diagnosed 15 + years ago. For most of that time she lived on her own. I came over almost weekly. Refill pills, change a light build, do the checkbook. Then sit and visit. She was part of every family get-together. ( that is what is making this particular thanksgiving so hard for me). So yes I did all of the “cherish your time together things” that many of you stated with the best of intentions. But every month I was able to see a little more whittled away. More and more labels were need on things. “Don’t touch on the thermostat”, or “push this for the TV. “
It has been a slow burn. But just before Covid she started to pick up speed and she decided to go into an assisted living. Second night there she hated me for putting her there. That was rough. Two weeks later, everything went into lock down.
About 6 months later we moved her out and back to her home with a full time care giver. This wasn’t ideal and within a year my mom out grew the set up. Over the past year, it has drastically gotten worse. For a while I had subsidized her care. But with the sale of her house I paid myself back and had a nice little chunk of money to do a lot of the projects I have put off.
My visits became less frequent and at one point they were only to take her to the doctors. This was because more and more she wasn’t my mom. And it became harder and harder to be around her. In addition she refused to wear her hearing aids and after several times of them being thrown in the trash we had to give up. For awhile. Now they hurt her too much and she refuses to sit for a new fitting. So all of the recommendations of sitting and talking to her about a flower or asking her questions is virtually impossible. Her attention span to read notes is almost null and very short lived.
Within minutes she is asleep. So I wonder is the visit for her or for me, or am I trying to fulfill what I think others expect I should do. As I mentioned earlier, many of you suggested cherish the moments, you will regret them later. I wonder if there is any truth to the regret part. It is hard to cherish when it is an ordeal for me.
I know she is well cared for and that makes it easy to dismiss her. And dare I say, write her off. I can’t believe I just said that. I heard many times in the past that kids never visiting is the bane of old age homes. And that is a guilt I am struggling with.
Edit 2: perhaps the holiday isn’t the best time in this scenario. Sunday will be the lunch date. :)
UnfilteredThoughts11: That really sucks man, that disease is horrible for everyone, I can't even begin to imagine how hard it would be to see your parent like that. I don't know how it all works but my grandpa has it and he doesn't really recognize me anymore but I go there and just talk to him about his past. He can still remember so much about his past and his youth and it's interesting hearing all the stories he will tell and seeing how happy he gets remembering and talking about them.
My dad (his dad is my grandpa) told me something that really stuck with me. He said it's not about you when you're going to visit grandpa, it's about him and making sure he knows that he is still loved and cared for, even if he might not remember by who.
aussie_nub: >that disease is horrible for everyone
It's hardest on those around the person. The person with it just forgets all the people and issues once, but the family remembers it all.
I remember when my dad was terminal and he was trying to reach out to a few people that he'd fallen out with over the years. There was 2 sets of people.
1 was a couple that he'd had some problem with (can't remember what exactly, probably fairly minor but he was a bit of a petty person... as am I). They'd moved across the country to be near their daughter and thought nothing of it. This was probably 10 years before dad got his diagnosis. On his deathbed, he wanted to make amends so tried to reach out. Apparently they'd moved back near dad and they never caught up and by that point, the husband had died and the wife had Alzheimers. At that point, the couple's daughter suggested (and my parents agreed) that it was best to just stay away since she wouldn't remember him anyways.
And a little bit off topic...the other person he tried to reach out to was a real prick to him over a minor falling out. Even when he was dying and trying to reach out and bury the hatchet, the guy was just rude to him... they'd been friends for like 40 or 50 years before that. I look for him on Facebook every so often. Hoping that one day I'll read that he's dead and then I can go find where he's buried and piss on his grave.
_ser_kay_: I’d argue that the early/middle stages are brutally hard on the person, too. When you’re lucid enough to know you’re losing memories and dealing with mood changes, and you realize what’s coming, and you know you’re going to become a burden on your loved ones. I’ve watched my grandpa deal with that, and it’s… I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
alai426: 100% , I have some absolutely heartbreaking voicemails from my mom during that. Can't delete them, but oof. The "well at least you don't know" narrative (which I totally would have subscribed to) does not do that justice. Sure, it absolutely sucked for me, but I cannot begin to imagine what that was like for her to live through.
| 5 | 42.4 | |
1669056631 | 1669153536 | t3_z16rk7 | t5_2to41 | 308 | [deleted]: TIFU by sneezing while on the toilet
[deleted]
DubbelDragon: Way worse than where I thought it was going. I hope you make a full recovery, and soon. Just wincing over here in sympathy pains.
Honic_Sedgehog: >Way worse than where I thought it was going.
I'm not sure, I read the title and assumed prolapse.
Scittles10-96: I had assumed prolapse or severely pulled lower back. Had a family friend who stayed with us for a period of time and he sneezed while doing his business and hurt his lower back so bad he couldn’t walk for 2-weeks, then had to use a walking aid for 2 weeks after that.
FeelingFloor2083: im still getting over covid, last week I was coughing so much in the shower i vomited and pulled some muscles around my ribs on my back
skag_mcmuffin: Pulling your intercostal muscles KILLS
FeelingFloor2083: maybe it was more of a cramp then or different muscle, it was the lower part of my rib cage on my back.
| 7 | 44 | |
1669333697 | 1669357613 | t3_z3y8j1 | t5_2to41 | 10 | Certifiedcatrasimp: TIFU by making my schools band teacher think im homophobic and racist
This happened a while ago but I still laugh so hard when I think about this. I should also clarify I am not homophobic and racist.
I, 14F, was in the hallway in front of my class with 2 girls who we’ll call K and S. S is middle eastern and K is black (this is relevant) and they sometimes make racist jokes to each other because they’re good friends (this is completely consensual). So while they were doing that, the kids from band and the band teacher were carrying instruments across the hallway where we were standing. We pretty much just ignored them because they weren’t paying attention to us. So S also happens to be a lesbian and she jokes about hating gay people, which she obviously doesn’t because she’s literally gay. After she made some homophobic jokes, I joked that if I didn’t know she was a lesbian I would’ve thought she was a raging homophobe.
Here comes the fuck up.
So basically, when K heard me say that, she wanted to say “S can still be homophobic to other sexualities,” but since her and S were making racist jokes earlier, she mixed up her words and accidentally said “S can still be homophobic to other races.” Me and me friend who was also with us thought this was super funny because it made no sense (i know this doesn’t sound that funny over text, you just had to be there). So to make fun of K, I said “yeah guys im homophobic to black people” and I said this RIGHT AS THE FUCKING BAND TEACHER WALKED PAST ME. He turned around and just said “what” and everybody started cackling. Y’all- I was LITERALLY FUCKING MORTIFIED but at the same time it was also hilarious. Me and my friend had a good laugh and then S went to class because she’s not in our class. Thank god I don’t have band because I would literally kill myself.
TLDR: the band teacher walked by me at the wrong moment and heard me say that im homophobic to black people out of context.
Prind25: You are going to have to kill him and wear his skin so you can tell everyone what a great non racist person you are.
Really the only reasonable solution you have.
Certifiedcatrasimp: Clearly this is the only reasonable solution
Prind25: The skin will only be convincing if you soak it in orphan tears first though.
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1669336032 | 1669393182 | t3_z3z1gb | t5_2to41 | 1,368 | MotoHULK: TIFU my Mom died and no one told me
So, I have no contact with my family. Over the years, they stabbed me 4 times, threw me down a flight of stairs at 3 yrs old, and otherwise abused me in such horrific ways that I have a burn scar on my pecker and cant have kids. I later got into Princeton, and Mom lied to them, costing me a scholarship to grad school and a 13 year battle to get them to give me my degree.
Just some tip of the iceberg context.
Anyway, yesterday, I decided to check Dad's Facebook page, and after scrolling a bit, I only saw him in photos alone for the last several years. The most recent image of her I could find on facebook was from way back in 2014. It Then it hit me. Mom died, likely several years ago, and all of my hundreds of relatives and family friends apparently agreed to hide it from me.
She hated me the most, so it was likely her idea, but it's still pretty fckd up, since in 2002 I saved her life. It did cause me to reflect and realize that I live a pretty socially and emotionally isolated life... but at least I have my cat and my motorcycle.
Tldr : Mom died, and the whole family agreed to keep it a secret.
Kat1eQueen: How is this a TIFU? You literally did not do anything
MotoHULK: I didn't fuck up, but it is pretty fckd up on their part
goldhelmet: Yeah, but that would be a different subreddit.
Warm-Ad1071: Literally who cares, redditors take themselves way too seriously ISTFG
Corvus_Manufaktura: There's a reason there are different subs for different topics
Panman6_6: so people like you can get a power trip telling others where tocorrectly post. we see you
Corvus_Manufaktura: If someone accidentally goes to the kitchen to take a shit, there's no power trip in telling them where the bathroom is
notimefortalking: You are so right, in college one of my roommates drunk vomited in someone’s bedroom, we missed out on your pearls’s of wisdom
| 9 | 152 | |
1668960696 | 1669012362 | t3_z07yam | t5_2to41 | 5,918 | Lost_Share_9271: Tifu by letting an elderly homeless man who reminded me of my grandfather sleep in my car while I was at work.
Technically the actual fuck up took place two days ago. I met this old guy at a camping site and it turned out that he is also a car dweller. It was surreal to meet someone that old living in their car. Nonetheless we had a good conversation, he told me about his wife who sadly passed away and his life just fell apart. We parted ways the next morning. I bumped into him at night at the gas station about two weeks later and he looked really tired. He told me his car got towed and he has been sleeping on sidewalks just really anywhere he could and has been harassed, mugged etc so hasn't gotten any actual sleep.
I felt bad especially considering how cold it is and I told him he could sleep in my car with me just to get some sleep and he will feel better in the morning. He thanked me so much that he even had tears in his eyes. We drove to a parking lot, shared my dinner and got some sleep. In the morning when I had to go to work he was still sleeping so I drove to work. This guy didn't wake up at all and I figured that he was still tired as it was early. I decided to just take my keys and leave him in the car and left him a note. I also left him $10 so that he could get a bus when he gets up to be able to go where he needs to be. My work is really not far from where I met him at the gas station but I felt like I inconvenienced him.
During my lunch I went to the car as I usually have my lunch there and he wasn't around. What also wasn't around was my blanket, pillow, suitcase and some of my clothes and shoes. My camping gear is also gone. I might have thought of many possibilities that maybe it wasn't him because my car was unlocked but I noticed the word 'sorry' written on the note that I had left for him.
TL:DR - I let an old homeless man sleep in my car while I was at work. He stole some of my stuff and left me a note saying sorry.
GreenLurch: Man, what a bummer… I guess that’s what real desperation does to a person. I hope you’ll be able to get your setup sorted out soon OP!
tatsu901: He had to feel some remorse because he took the time to write sorry. Capitalism is evil and it is totally not okay someone shouldn't ever reach this level of desperation
eddiepaperhands: Capitalism is what keeps most people out of this kind of desperation.
burningredmenace: Yeah no, ya got that totally backwards. Capitalism is what puts people in that situation.
eddiepaperhands: Which is why Cuba, North Korea, and Venezuela are so much better off than the US, Denmark, and Sweden.
TheGuyWhoWantsNachos: US, Denmark and Sweden.. One of those are not like the others. Did you mean Norway, Denmark and Sweden?
eddiepaperhands: No. I named three wealthy capitalist countries. Though Norway also qualifies.
TheGuyWhoWantsNachos: I don't believe the US is a wealthy country. It has wealthy people and military but when 30-50 million people live below the poverty line I don't think you get to call yourself a wealthy country.
Aardark235: Guess you haven’t seen a poor country yet… so spoiled that you think we are in poverty.
g-g-g-g-ghost: Dude, I get paid $26/hr. I can't afford anything beyond the bare necessities at this point, I pay my bills, and for gas and food, and what do I have left over? Like $50, if I'm lucky.
Zero0mega: Where do you live that $26/h isnt enough seriously wondering because I know people who make less and own a house, car ect and still have spending money
g-g-g-g-ghost: New York, I can pay for my car, and other bills, but I can rarely even go out to eat with friends without budgeting and planning ahead for several weeks, luckily, I have a lot of OT coming up, so I can try to get ahead on some bills, pay off credit cards I had to survive off of while I was out with an injury for several months and hopefully, knock out some debt and payments so that I can go back to having a little bit of spending money, which I can only have because I luckily don't have to pay rent at the moment
Zero0mega: Gotcha, I used to live on Long Island myself and it was certainly pricey to live. Hell, the old school yard I used to pass out and slowly be eaten away by alcohol poisoning got turned into rich people townhouses.
g-g-g-g-ghost: Yep, I'm on Long Island, it's honestly ridiculous how expensive things are here
lastwraith: In our neighborhood someone bought a house for $750k just to knock it down. LI is crazy.
And we haven't even talked about the impressively ridiculous property taxes.
g-g-g-g-ghost: Like 15 years ago someone paid like 500k for the house across the street, just to knock it down and build two houses on the property and sell those for like 1.5mil each(they were not worth it, and the neighborhood still isn't worth that much lmao)
lastwraith: Sounds about right. That's honestly a pretty good deal if they could subdivide and put up 2 properties. Those are like gold because there aren't many parcels like that left in most moneyed suburban areas.
| 18 | 328.777778 | |
1669046424 | 1669248706 | t3_z12ik1 | t5_2to41 | 664 | marshenwhale: TIFU by misinterpreting a mod message on r/AITA
[removed]
MonstahButtonz: Honestly, unless I don't have the full info here, it sounds like the mod was going a bit overboard. A permanent ban is pretty extreme IMO unless you posted/commented something seriously inappropriate and/or against the rules.
But again, if you were posting there every single day, then that's different and I could get that.
Sometimes it's the luck of the draw. I've been banned from subs for virtually nothing, and I've seen others not get banned after I've reported some seriously offensive posts. Depends on the day and who you get as a mod to an extent.
So, what's the final take? Did you ever find out if you were TA? Lmao.
puffmaster5000: > it sounds like the mod was going a bit overboard
Pretty much 99% of Reddit mods
eggrollin2200: You can literally get banned from AITA for using the word b*tch, even if you’re being hypothetical and not referring to anyone. The mods are wild over there lol.
Source: literally got a temporary ban for using the b word, but not in reference to or directed at anyone.
Icy_Pickle3021: So what if you're literally talking about a female dog? I would be in tears laughing if I got banned for using the b word when literally talking about a female dog.
eggrollin2200: They don’t care about context one bit, so get ready to laugh to tears lmfao
Icy_Pickle3021: I'm already starting preparations for my AITA funeral service lol
eggrollin2200: I’ll sing Danny Boy and bring the flowers
Icy_Pickle3021: 🥹 thank you. That's so beautiful!
eggrollin2200: We can then bury your time in the subreddit on a hill next to a tree, and carved into it will say “AITA?”
Icy_Pickle3021: My last wish before my inevitable, but assholish, demise is to have a legacy. Thus the subreddit DBAITA (Death by AITA) shall be born. Please be sure this happens? I'm counting on your eggrollin!
eggrollin2200: You can count on me, to get the *egg rollin* on this one.
[laughs maniacally]
Edit: worst typo ever.
Icy_Pickle3021: 😂🤣😂 my spirit will forever be with you
| 13 | 51.076923 | |
1669344978 | 1669347598 | t3_z420lc | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU by biting into my cellphone and possibly swallowing glass.
[deleted]
newaccount252: I don’t need to read more that the title and first sentence to realise college might not be for you.
Bigdaddylovesfatties: Hard truths for the holidays
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1669347101 | 1669348900 | t3_z42px0 | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU by discovering my dad might have cheated and I never said anything
[deleted]
Puzzleheaded_Age6550: I'm sorry you feel torn in this way. However, seriously, your parent's marriage is not your business. It's not your job to save it, it's not your job to destroy it.
WHOISTIRED: I dunno. They brought them into this world, so why can't take them out?
I always thought of this ideology so pathetic. Oh they cheated and are still currently cheating, yet everyone knows (I know not in this case perhaps) besides the SO? Dumbest thing.
Two rules, don't lie and be honest. That's it. I call people out on their BS and not once have I been told "I hate you for being truthful". Even the ones who were in the wrong were initially mad and any time they blamed me I immediately tell them that it was their fault until it got through their thick 2 IQ brain.
Murder is one thing, but if the person is still alive it's fair game.
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1668803323 | 1668804659 | t3_yytrkb | t5_2to41 | 32 | NervousCounty8855: TIFU by kicking an 11 year old in the balls
So for a little background I 14F do Muay Thai (if you don’t know what that is it’s like kickboxing) there’s 6 of us who compete and sometimes we help the younger ones. I’m the only girl. This happened last week.
It was one of the days we had to help out the younger class. I was partnered with this 11 year old boy who we’ll call Dan.
Dan is a beginner but he comes quite regular, so my coach wanted me to show him some drills. We started off with some normal stuff. I obviously went extremely light and would never hurt someone intentionally, or go hard on anyone but the people I spar with.
But here’s where I fucked up. I accidentally slipped up, and hit him in the balls. I was sure i wasn’t kicking hard but shit. He looked like he was in so much pain and winced. I feel terrible he was about to cry. His mother was in the corner glaring at me.
I apologised, said I didn’t mean to. Dan didn’t say a word and kinda looked mad after that. I don’t blame him when you’re a beginner and still really young it’s hard not to take things like that personally.
Coach told him he could sit out for a bit, he did and whispered something to his mother, who stands ups and shouts to my coach “are you sure he’s partnered with the right person?” My coach explained to her that I’ll only be with him for a few minutes\and it was so he could learn, he also apologised
She went on about how she’ll complain etc etc. The funny thing is his mother is the one who asked for “extra attention” and wouldn’t stop begging for it. She even signed a form about how in sports like this the gym isn’t responsible for bruises\cuts\injuries if she wants her child to go more advanced.
Eventually coach told me to just go with my group, and lo and behold Dan’s mother again. She’s shouting at this point. Dan’s standing next to her. She starts yelling about how I hurt her kid and everyone looks a little confused. I tried apologising but she just went on and She obviously got escorted out and Dan hasn’t come back since then.
My coach told me it’s fine and these things happen, that woman was probably just protective.
I do feel bad though. Was it my fault I hurt him? I’m not a guy so I don’t know how bad a kick to the balls is or what Dan said to his mum about it.
I’m so embarrassed nothing like that has happened before I’ve been in my gym for 4 years.
TL;DR I kicked an 11 year old and his mother went ballistic on me, I am embarrassed
sr1701: As your coach said, these things happen. So long as you didn't do it intentionally don't worry about it and just try to be more careful going forward also he should have been wearing a cup and that should protect him from most injuries ( not saying it didn't hurt). I've even seen things like this when watching professional fights like MMA.
Side note, should you find yourself in a serious street fight, that's a primary target should you feel threatened ( but it's also considered " dirty fighting"
NervousCounty8855: Thanks, I was a little confused since I’ve also seen that stuff happen in MMA, So I guess the mother overreacted but wow that was embarrassing
MisterProfGuy: An 11 year old should not be playing contact sports if an injury is a totally unacceptable outcome. There's always a risk of injury;even masters can make mistakes demonstrating.
At your age, are you significantly larger than the boy was? If you are much larger, then you have a certain obligation to try to be careful, but again, mistakes happen. If you aren't, the mother probably has a toxic ego that she's going to teach to her son, and make him insecure around women. She's probably mad a "girl viciously embarrassed her son", which really means she's insecure about her son's capabilities. Very sad for the boy.
NervousCounty8855: He wasn’t actually that small, I thought he was my age at first (a little shorter than me) and made sure that I was going extra light because my coach told me too, but because I’ve been doing it for 4 years I think I ended up accidentally slipping up without realising
(will 100% be a lot more careful next time)
| 5 | 6.4 | |
1669351151 | 1669441684 | t3_z441lp | t5_2to41 | 174 | Country_Fried_Mess: TIFU by not unpacking sooner
Throwaway because I’m so mortified.
Obligatory this happened a few days ago, buts it’s effects are still bleeding through until today.
I’ve been struggling a lot this year with my mental health. Strained family relationships, moving this summer, staying sane with a preschooler, etc. Even though it’s Thanksgiving, I still have boxes and bags I’ve not sorted through to unpack yet because of my lack of will to do most anything. That includes cleaning the house, hence the impending FU.
My mother came over (unannounced, one of the strained relationships lol). She was offering to help me clean. I’m irritated she’s there without calling, but I said she could help with laundry. She helped, I said thanks, she went home.
I went into the laundry room later that evening and saw that a duffel bag I had sitting by the dryer was no longer sitting where I left it. It was now put up in a cabinet over the washer. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach as I realized there’s NO way she didn’t see my vibrator and dildo rolling around in there as I had left the bag unzipped. I was really embarrassed, but eventually got over it.
It wasn’t until today that I pulled the bag down just to look in and see that she had WRAPPED THE ITEMS TOGETHER with the vibrator charging cord. Y’all. My mother had her hands on my 9” rubber dildo and huge pink vibrator. Seriously, is this normal?
TL;DR: left my sex toys out and my mother saw them, but then she pulled this power move by wrapping them up together in the charging cord like, “Now you know I know.”
TexasPenguin99: This may not make it any better, but I'm pretty sure mama understands people have needs.
Country_Fried_Mess: I know. It’s just the fact she touched them..
blade_torlock: And she wiped your ass and cleaned up after you when you were sick and missed the toilet. She's touched a lot more of your nastiness than your sex toys.
Sumtypeoway: Right, because she had to. Then she choose to touch the sex toys. Idk why you’re working so hard to make this look normal it’s weird as fuck. * so y’all really think it’s normal for parents to handle their kids sex toys? Weird motherfuckers
Phighters: He's not saying its normal, he's saying its not that weird. Yall acting like she used it and then shit in the OPs mouth.
HarryPottersElbows: I am fucking wheezing
| 7 | 24.857143 | |
1669356016 | 1669401911 | t3_z45l6x | t5_2to41 | 847 | flaskextinguisher: TIFU by grabbing the turkey to break my fall
Nothing like a Thanksgiving FU in front of the whole family, huh?
About 5 hours ago, I was helping set the table for Thanksgiving dinner. The turkey had just been pulled from the oven and I was bringing glasses and napkins to the table.
This year, our family was celebrating a much larger Thanksgiving that we are used to. Normally, we host a Thanksgiving with 6-8 people in attendance. This year, we invited all the aunts, uncles, and cousins to come too and, for the most part it was a blast. We don't often get together and so getting to see everyone was a special treat.
That said, when my aunts and uncles come, 6 kids under the age of ten come with them. While I love my cousins, they are at least partially to blame for the following FU.
After the turkey had been brought to the table in preparation of carving, I was bringing some glasses and napkins to the table. Unfortunately, my little cousins were chasing each other around at the same time. Before anyone can stop them, one got tagged pretty hard and fell into the back of my leg. For those who haven't had something like this happen to them, you knee basically gives out in that situation and mine did the same.
As I was going down, I tried to grab anything to break my fall. Unfortunately, with one hand holding the glasses I didn't want to break, I grabbed the only thing I could... the turkey.
The turkey, however, did not break my fall and instead went down with me. On the way down, I smacked my eyebrow off the dining room table before I pulled the still extremely hot turkey and juices down on top of me. Needless to say, the turkey was basically ruined, but luckily no one was seriously hurt, although I've got a [sizable lump over my eye that might be black in the morning](https://imgur.com/a/AI1pQMQ) and a burn on my hand from grabbing the hot turkey. Hopefully no accidents at Christmas!
TL;DR: Cousin ran into me causing me to fall over. On the way down, I blacked my eye and brought the turkey with me.
Small-Cheesecake2287: Yikes
flaskextinguisher: My eye doesn't look that bad, does it?
Small-Cheesecake2287: Its pretty bad, make sure to rest after a fall like that, i hope u put ice right after the incident
flaskextinguisher: A little, but I probably have only iced it for like 30 minutes since it happened. I just hope it looks better than it does now when I go into work tomorrow
Kewkky: Sadly, that's not how injuries work.
flaskextinguisher: When do you think it'll start looking better? Do you think it'll be worse in the morning?
TheReinsofFullnight: Dude that thing is going to go through the rainbow before it gets better.
flaskextinguisher: Well, I've already seen blue, red, and purple. When do you think I'll see orange, yellow, and green?
TheReinsofFullnight: No I mean your eye will be green/blue/purple/gross yellow brown etc. if you’re seeing those colors you might need a doctor? Lol
flaskextinguisher: Sorry, no I meant when do you think my eye is going to turn all those colors? lol
TheReinsofFullnight: Over the next few weeks lol.
| 12 | 70.583333 | |
1669195775 | 1669200950 | t3_z2knzg | t5_2to41 | 88 | Pantera_Atrox: TIFU by freaking out about a cute kitten in a dream
TL;DR: dreamed a kitten was on my bed, sleep screamed, threw myself out of bed, crashing my beside table, laptop and TV. Was awakened by the sound of my screams and crashing through the table onto the floor.
This actually just happened a few minutes ago. I've always had very vivid, very lifelike dreams, that I totally think are real life until I wake up. This isn't even the first time I've thrown myself out of bed while asleep in, response to a dream.
I sleep alone, surrounded by many pillows. I don't own any animals. In the dream, I'm laying in bed with the light on and suddenly a very cute kitten, about 6-8 weeks old climbs up the other side pillows between me and the wall and starts slowly, coming towards me. But since I don't own any animals, I have no idea where this cat came from and its sudden appearance so close to me causes me to freak out. I start screaming, like something from a meme video, and try to retreat. I wake up from a combination of the sound from my own screams and the violent crash. I'm on the floor. My bedside table is destroyed, with my laptop being under the rubble. My bedroom TV is knocked over. There's a chunk of skin taken from my hand (but not much bleeding) and my entire arm is pretty sore.
It's 4 am on the east coast and I'm just sitting here nursing a sore arm, like What in The actual Fuck....
EmergencyLavishness1: I know this sounds creepy, but for the love of god please get a night time camera setup in your room for when you are sleeping.
This all sounds too hilarious to not capture on camera!
Pantera_Atrox: 😂🤣😂🤣
I had a similar thought. I'm sure it would have gone viral "grown ass man screams and jumps out of bed in his sleep"
EmergencyLavishness1: I started recording my sleeps because my housemates were constantly asking me if I’m ok.
Apparently I had night terrors. I had no idea. I recorded a few nights sleep and immediately apologized to them all. Some of what was captured literally sounded like I was being murdered in my sleep. I had no idea
Monvi: I had a roommate who watched me make a full pbj sandwich while sleepwalking, place the sandwich on the shelf in the fridge, and walk back upstairs. He didn’t know I was a sleepwalker, and was more confused than offended by me not responding, but realized I wasn’t coming back down after an hour, so he ate the sandwich to prevent it going to waste. Apparently I make a damn good pbj for a sleepwalker
EmergencyLavishness1: Hahahahaha that’s awesome. I’m getting step brothers(the movie) vibes from this. Like you just made a sandwich for your fav person without knowing it
Monvi: Lol! It was pretty similar, tbh. My mom used to scream at me, because of the messes I’d leave in her kitchen, while sleepwalking. Waking up with vague memories of drinking raw eggs, and eating all the berries I found
| 7 | 12.571429 | |
1668440879 | 1668542889 | t3_yv3a3b | t5_2to41 | 1,328 | hadikomm: TIFU by not talking to a girl on the train
I just wanted to get this story off my chest because I hope it will help me forgetting about it.
Yesterday I was on the train returning home from a trip to a friend who celebrated his birthday. It was a long train ride and after 2 hours the train stopped and wouldn't continue. Apparently, there was a medical emergency somewhere along our route.
We could leave the train to grab food if we wanted to which I did - then I saw this girl sitting in the hallway on top of her suitcases since she didn't have a seat. She looked really cute and just like my type. After a while the train continued and after a few stops the people who I shared my table with left. The girl looked over to where I was sitting and we had eye contact a few times.
I didn't think of it too much but she then suddenly approached me and sat right in front of me. As she approached me, I got really nervous and didn't know what to do.
There were several other empty seats with tables but she decided to sit there and throughout the ride we caught each other several times looking at each other. I felt like she wanted me to talk to her. And even though I wanted to talk to her I couldn't muster up the courage to do so. I was really nervous and tried to convince myself that I didn't want to talk to her. We sat together for very long - I think about 2 hours. Eventually she left one stop before my destination.
And I cannot express how much I regret not talking to her. I've had these kinds of experiences before, but I never regretted it so much. It is kind of eating me up. I cannot wrap my head around my inability to start conversations with strangers. I really enjoy talking to people and feel comfortable talking to girls. However, when it comes to starting a conversation I struggle a lot.
After what happened yesterday, I decided to change this. I don't want to struggle starting conversations anymore and miss opportunities to getting to know people. The regret that I feel is so much more painful than any awkward interaction with a stranger could ever be.
TL;DR: On my train ride home, a girl sat right in front of me and probably wanted me to talk to her which I couldn't manage to do and now the pain of regret is eating me up.
Edit:
Thank you guys so much for all the positive comments and all the advice. I really feel better now but I'm still motivated to change.
This community is really wholesome and I get why people even share their stories here.
MJGM235: To be honest... She has a mouth too. If she really wanted to talk to you, she would have. Unless she was also nervous and you were hard to read?!
TheChaiTeaTaiChi: Women like when men can show enough confidence to make the jump and break the ice.
honeybadgerdad: Confidence is sexy
blazincannons: So is asking for consent and respecting boundaries. Just wanted to make that clear.
TheChaiTeaTaiChi: Obviously, but that has nothing to do with this storyline.. since there was a MUTUAL tension in the air, and the only thing keeping him from making the jump per her invites was confidence lacking.
So tell me, what does consent and respecting boundaries have to do with this storyline lol. Id like to see the specific part where those come up in this storyline?
Perhaps you have your own personal challenges or traumas your dealing with that dont tie in here. If you feel it necessary to push an agenda of self-defense when someone literally just says that "confidence is sexy," you should prob tone it back a couple notches.
blazincannons: I was just adding some much-needed supporting points to "confidence is sexy". Not in any way opposing it.
Be confident as much as you want, but be respectful too.
honeybadgerdad: Confidence has nothing to do with disrespect. I never even suggested to disrespect boundaries.
Most women find a man attractive who is confident in their actions. That was the whole point.
TheChaiTeaTaiChi: Exaactly, thank you.
Earlier blazing said to me:
>All that you said just sounds like the "She was asking for it" mentality.
It's 2022 and you are way out of touch.
And all that for what... For using more words to say what you so eloquently and simply said, confidence is sexy.. they're missing the point.
honeybadgerdad: I don't know about eloquent, but thanks. I'm hoping Mos people understood the non abusive mentality.
TheChaiTeaTaiChi: Haha well lets just say you have more updoots than down when compared to my original comments.
For real, it was such a tender and innocent interaction, its wild when people threw in the excess emotions that werent in their scenario.
honeybadgerdad: Exactly. Human nature brings its own experience into conversations. They were projecting their past experiences/negative emotions into the conversation.
TheChaiTeaTaiChi: Thats true. Dad coming in with the wisdom nuggets haha. I was thinking along the same lines, I was just trying to figure out how to say it in a gentle way, which you've done here
honeybadgerdad: Am a dad. Guilty as charged. I want nothing but the best for my kid, and this is the advice I'd give him.
Had a girl 30 years ago where I didn't recognize the signs she was interested. Appaarently her mom was totally for it as well. Should have had the confidence to act. We are friends still, but obviously lives have moved on from what could have been. So be it.
TheChaiTeaTaiChi: Haha, gottem! That's awesome, sounds like you're really looking out for him.
Daang.. that's rough! Wild on the mom, apparently ya found that out later down the line then? I feel that though on lives moving. Well kudos for taking your lesson and passing it on to others, here, and with your spawn as well!
honeybadgerdad: Yep. She just revealed it to me this year as we've had some nice conversations. I fully committed to my marriage, so nothing will happen. She's married and committed on her end as well.
Just sucks that everything was right there and nothing happened because...no courage or confidence. Hence the lesson. If that had worked out, I wouldn't have my awesome son.
| 16 | 83 | |
1669384106 | 1669720112 | t3_z48wjb | t5_2to41 | 13 | Ochib: Cisgender (cis-xxx) is a term used to *describe a person whose gender identity corresponds to their sex assigned at birth*.
Gender != Sex
robjapan: But if trans women are women (and that's fine!) how can women be cis women?
throwawaygoodcoffee: Both trans and cis women are women, cis and trans are just the scientific prefixes.
robjapan: Women are women.
Trans women are trans women.
Trans women are LITERALLY not women. That's the problem I have with this whole thing. If trans women were women they wouldn't be trans.... Thus to say that you're denying reality.
throwawaygoodcoffee: Trans women are women, cis women are women. Just like polar and brown bears are both bears. Sometimes it's necessary to differentiate but sometimes you can call them both bears. There's no denial of reality we're just using better language to describe reality.
robjapan: Your analogy describes comparing species with each other.
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I'm a human and you're a human therefore we're both humans? Really? That's your argument?
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The very reason we use the phrase "trans women" is simply because they're men who were born into the wrong body.
That's a demonstrable FACT.
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What you're describing is a belief.
throwawaygoodcoffee: >Your analogy describes comparing species with each other.
My analogy is to simplify a fairly complex topic
> I'm a human and you're a human therefore we're both humans? Really? That's your argument?
Hey people like me weren't considered human until fairly recent so it's a pretty solid argument.
> The very reason we use the phrase "trans women" is simply because they're men who were born into the wrong body.
Yeah and they transition into the right gender, in this case being a woman. That's an actual fact and there's plenty of academic writing to back up that trans women are the gender they identify as. Trans women not being women because you disagree with scientific consensus is what we in the business describe a belief.
robjapan: There is no scientific concensus of that, that's a lie. What test would prove such a thing?
Trans women are trans. I feel for them, such a terrible thing to have to go through to not feel at home in your own skin, but they aren't women. They were born male, raised male, went through life as male and are male. Regardless of any cosmetic surgery.
throwawaygoodcoffee: >What test would prove such a thing?
MRI brain scans of transgender women show that their brain anatomy is closer to their gender identity than it is to their birth sex identity, and that is prior to undergoing gender affirming treatments.
Research into transgender people has been on-going for decades and we're way past asking how to prove that transgender people are the gender they say they are. Now research is more focused on trying to get the rest of the world to accept that affirming a trans person's gender identity would make their lives a hell of a lot better.
> They were born male, raised male, went through life as male and are male. Regardless of any cosmetic surgery.
Are you getting confused between gender and sex? I didn't say they were female, I said they were women. Pretty important distinction to make. Trans women don't deny their sex, they're just affirming their gender. Also being raised male or going through life as male doesn't back up your argument, those are social concepts not biological.
robjapan: >MRI brain scans of transgender women
Whcich research is inconclusive and has shown essentially nothing.
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&#x200B;
You can play word salad all you like, women are female and men are male. Trans-women are men who were born into the wrong body.
Again, I feel for them but trans-women are literally, physically and demonstrably not women.
throwawaygoodcoffee: >Whcich research is inconclusive and has shown essentially nothing.
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8955456/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8955456/)
Maybe you're looking at older research but here's some new shit that disagrees with you and is backed up by results from other studies.
> You can play word salad all you like, women are female and men are male.
Literally the only one playing word salad is you, you keep switching between gender and sex as if they're not used differently in English. It ain't my first language but even I know that difference.
robjapan: That study finds that trans women are different from men.
Yes.... Which is why they're trans....
I'm really not.
Men.
Women.
Trans.
Simple. And not lies based on a belief.
throwawaygoodcoffee: Trans is a prefix not a gender. If you had said cis men, cis women, trans men, trans women, then you'd be making some sense.
>That study finds that trans women are different from men.
Now who's playing word salad? The study finds that trans women are different from cis men and more similar to cis women in regard to brain structures, prior to undergoing gender affirming treatments. Similarities in brain structure between trans and cis women grow even stronger after gender affirming treatments.
> Simple. And not lies based on a belief.
Well there's your problem, your understanding of biology is too simple. Human gender expression goes beyond whether you have a cock or a vagina, some people have both and a variety of other combinations of those organs. This isn't belief it's just straight up fact.
robjapan: Again you're expressing your beliefs as reality and can't grasp why people can't understand.
The trans community has reached religious zealot levels and you demonstrate it perfectly.
You want to push the sex and gender difference but at the same time you want to claim a physical difference which doesn't exist.
Either trans women are women or they are not and trans women do no exist. There is no alternative.
Do trans people exist? Or is that word salad too?
throwawaygoodcoffee: I literally gave you an up to date peer reviewed paper and you still think it's expressing my own beliefs? I didn't write it. You're projecting very hard my friend, you're the only one spouting beliefs here with nothing to back it up other than "this is my belief". Sex and gender aren't interchangeable and they haven't been for a long time, look at any government identification. The only reason we think it's interchangeable is because for a vast majority of people, their gender matches their sex. Being trans means your gender doesn't match your sex while being cis means your gender does match.
> Either trans women are women or they are not and trans women do no exist. There is no alternative.
There are alternatives, there's all the flavours of non-binary and genderfluid identities all of which can encompass people of either or both sexes. Some do consider themselves trans but they're not the same as trans women. Trans women are firmly women alongside cis women.
Not to forget my trans men kings too, they're men alongside cis men.
robjapan: And here's an entire world population of people who have entirely different dna, skeletons, muscles and reproductive organs that says otherwise....
I already read that report, it's conclusion is that trans people appear to be different.
And as I said, that's why they're trans....
Trans people are trans. Demonstrable fact.
What you're talking about is your belief that they're who they think they are. Not fact.
No different to any religious person who's convinced God exists when they don't.
Men are men.
Women are women.
Trans are trans.
Fact.
I'm done. But for one final time, your beliefs are not superior to facts.
throwawaygoodcoffee: >And here's an entire world population of people who have entirely different dna, skeletons, muscles and reproductive organs that says otherwise....
Trans people aren't a different species...
> I already read that report, it's conclusion is that trans people appear to be different. And as I said, that's why they're trans....
Your conclusion really because your reading comprehension is pretty bad.
> Men are men. Women are women. Trans are trans.
>
>Fact.
Only a fact if your knowledge of biology ended at school in the 00s but hey I can't fault you for that, not everyone likes learning new things.
Stay in your cave and enjoy your life.
| 17 | 0.764706 | |
1669371764 | 1669372441 | t3_z4a0x0 | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU by reaching out to content creators to support my Minecraft Server
[deleted]
idontfuckenknow1: That was a leap and a bound, damn! If it's any consolation if you've got proof you sent it only to them and it was posted from their device onto that platform. 1 I would imagine that would be back lash they wouldn't want.
2 I'm not a lawyer but depending on laws of countries and such if you have said proof you would be bale to get them for. I think it's called image based abuse?
IFUCKEDUP188: I have screenshots of our calls, their Snapchat, and our email receipts, if they expose me I’m gonna expose them
idontfuckenknow1: Good thinking keeping all the info! But remember if you go public with the information first you could be at risk of getting in trouble yourself.
| 4 | 4 | |
1669376476 | 1669400557 | t3_z4bct3 | t5_2to41 | 5,485 | idkwtdnow2: TIFU by saying something horrible about my child
I found out when I was young that I can't have any kids.
I slept around a lot when I was younger. One of them was a girl I slept with around 10 years ago until I found out not only she is married but she also has a child. I broke up with her as soon as I found out. About a year ago she contacted me and told me I have a child. I reminded her that I can't have any kids but she insisted that the kid has to be mine and kept calling until I agreed to a DNA test just to get rid of her.
Turned out that she was cheating on her husband again and he found out, took DNA tests from both kids and found out that the younger one isn't his. I took the test and she is mine. I can't explain how happy I was to know that I have a daughter and how sad I was to know that I missed everything. Her first steps, her first word, everything.
He started to act like a jerk and gave her an ultimatum. He would stay with her for their child but he didn't want her affair child. I saw my daughter begging her mom to let her stay and it broke my heart. I got into a fight with him and asked him to have some fcking sympathy for a child that HE RAISED but he didn't change his mind so I took my daughter with me.
Kiddo has been living with me for a year now. The first few months were hard but then things got better however before I take her I decided to know more about her. I asked her mom and her teachers about her and they all told me that she is perfect. She is quiet, polite and smart but that is not how she acted with me. I kept thinking what am I doing wrong? Why is the girl that everyone describes as an angel behaving this way? But I couldn't find out
It was about a month ago that I fcked up. It was a very bad day generally. First kiddo couldn't wake up to go to school because she slept around 4 am. I was so mad at her she knows she is not allowed to stay up so late. I took her to school and went to work where I had a very bad day and then at the end of the day I received a call from her school asking me to pick her up because she has been suspended for 2 days for bullying a boy. I know the boy. He was no victim. He has been saying racist things to my little girl since day one but still what she had done to him was terrible and wrong. I had to take the rest of the day off and get her. When I got her I found out that she also got a D in her exam. She never got anything other than A when she was with her mom and when I got angry about it she told me to go fck myself. I was fuming.
And it wasn't the end of it. We had another fight that night because she refused to clean her bedroom and another one after that because she wouldn't eat her food because "she doesn't like salad" and another one becsuse it was her turn to wash the dishes(that's her only chore, she has to wash the dishes once a week) I was so tired and if it wasn't enough I got a call from my best friend and coworker to let me know that I screwed up at work by going early and my boss is mad at me. I was so angry I couldn't help venting. I didn't mean a word of what I said but I couldn't help saying it. I told him taking kiddo in was the worst mistake of my life and if only I could send her back to her mom
I turn around and she is standing right behind me with her eyes full of tears. I apologized 1000 times but she was crying so much I don't think she heard me. That's when everything changed. She started to do everything I told her to do. She got A's in all her exams. She was polite and quiet and I hated it. She didn't tell me about her day anymore. She didn't laugh or talk to me much. I put her i therapy. I kept trying to talk to her and cheer her up and get her to behave like she used to until one day she started crying and said: "what do you want from me? I'm a good girl now"
I hate mysef
I miss her. I miss her waking me up in the morning in my days off when she knows I like to sleep more but she wakes me up anyway just to be annoying. I miss her stealing my fries because apparently "she loves fries more than I do". I miss her watching horror movies when I told her she is not allowed to and then coming to my room at night because she thinks Annabelle is coming after her and she wants me to hug her. I miss her telling me she loves me every day
I asked her teacher how she is doing at school and she told me she has been perfect lately and that was when it hit me, She was never perfect when she was with her mom, she was deppressed.
My family hates me and none of them wants to talk to me anymore. My sister is coming to stay with us for a week to cheer her up
I tell her I love her every day and apologize but it doesn't work. I fcked up and I don't know how to fix it
TLDR; I said something horrible about my daughter in a moment of anger and she heard me. I ruined everything
Revocation_Of_Doubt: Therapy, but not for her, for you both. Together, in the same room, at the same time.
This is a big huge situation you have *both* been thrown into and it's not going to be easy for either of you.
In the meantime you throw every ounce of your being into supporting and loving her, even if you never get a drop of it back.
Her being a good girl is her trying to show you she cares about your opinion. And that might just have to be enough.
Dig deep, be the adult in this and take all of the pain on yourself, this little girl needs you to be the rock in her completely upturned life.
KayakerMel: Yup, poor kiddo needed therapy from the start to help deal with the rejection by her mother. That huge life upheaval is enough to expect falling grades and bad behavior in the fallout. In addition to kiddo's current therapist, OP needs to go to a family therapist with her. Poor kid now believes parental love is conditional. It's a heartbreaking experience and OP needs help in repairing the situation.
magpieyak: I can not believe the mom just let the kid go. My mom would’ve taken both kids and never let dad 2 near us again.
Gernia: I can understand the father is enraged, but the right thing to do is throw the bitch out the door and raise the kids but now with two dads.
magpieyak: If I were the mom the dad that is angry would have the choice to either accept both kids as his or I’m taking both and leaving you. You can sue for rights to see the one that is yours. Any parent that would choose their partner over their child shouldn’t be raising kids anyway. The dad that now is raising the girl is the only adult in this that is trying at all to be a grown up.
Gernia: If I were the dad, and it was a righteous justice system, I would take both kids and sue mom for alimony for all the years I raised some other person's kid. However, we don't so If I even tried to take one of the kids the mom would come back a year later and get the kids back with a judge's warrant.
wjean:
That's a tough one. You sue the mom for raising the other kid... And if you win you take money away from the woman that is supposed to be cover half of the expenses of raising 'your' kid. I think you have to view that as a sunk cost.
The fact that the father feels no connection to the second child is pretty shocking to me. asking the wife to abandon a child seens like a surefire way to Foster long-term resentment. Makes no sense
blackjesus: It makes a whole lot of sense. This is all emotional damage. Finding out about cheating by finding out a kid isn’t yours is gonna blow your mind. Lashing out and using whatever you can to hurt the person that hurt you. That’s just what people do. They’ll get divorced for sure.
wjean: Perhaps this is a backdoor way for the husband to push for a divorce without asking for it by trying to get the mom to ditch her second kid... And the plan backfiring because of the wife's desperation or something to that effect.
Poor children. Only person who seems to have gained... Something... Is the guy who never thought he'd be a father. Hopefully OP works it out. Seems willing to do so.
| 10 | 548.5 | |
1669377591 | 1669382879 | t3_z4bo6f | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by sending my friend a tiktok
[deleted]
elodion: Just say your sorry and that you didn't think before posting it and you did not mean to hurt him. Mistake is a mistake..
ankipanki33: Yeah I did that, he hasn’t replied yet and idk if he’s read it even.. But yeah I guess I can’t do much more than that
elodion: In the end it was just a TikTok and if you have explained your self give it time.
If he don't come around you have a story that you got ghosted because of a TikTok video to real friends later. if someone can't forgive a friend are that person really a friend? Or just someone who want you and got butthurt?!
ankipanki33: yeah that’s very true, maybe I am making a bigger deal out of this and feeling worse than I should. Thanks for the support, I feel better now!
| 5 | 2.6 | |
1669379605 | 1669379822 | t3_z4cbas | t5_2to41 | 18 | Karpfen10: TIFU by writing a racist text
[removed]
AaliyahK12: That's not racism, it's homophobia and/or transphobia.
I guess you're stupid as well as an asshole?
Karpfen10: Maybe thats true...
| 3 | 6 | |
1669379787 | 1669381074 | t3_z4cd8j | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU by writing a racist text
[deleted]
incognitolandshark: The real fuck up is your homophobia, the only thing you are sorry about is that there might be consequences.
Yellow_Dorn_Boy: I thought the fuck up was that he thought LGBT is a race?
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1669381943 | 1669382174 | t3_z4d2lk | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU BY FAILING NNN
[deleted]
Devittraisedto2: Whats the fuck up here
theguywhoateyourfood: I failed no nut November and lost a bet
Devittraisedto2: So there's none, got it
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1669382906 | 1669384071 | t3_z4dejh | t5_2to41 | 20 | zeromalarki: TIFU by smuggling a small amount of drugs
[removed]
Moosebuckets: Reading this hurt my brain so bad
zeromalarki: Apologies.
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1669384741 | 1669385189 | t3_z4e1fi | t5_2to41 | 31 | Hulk_Goes_Smash327: TIFU By Ruining Thanksgiving Dinner
Hello everybody, I am writing this today (the day after thanksgiving) as I died of sheer embarrassment and humiliation.
Backstory:
Mother In Law (MIL) invites my wife and I over for thanksgiving. She orders frozen food, and it will be stored in her freezer until 1-2 hours before dinner. My wife is allergic to dairy, and all the food my MIL ordered she could not eat (This included the turkey breasts). My MIL ordered turkey breasts, broccoli rice and cheese, sweet potatoes, mac and cheese, and a apple pie. Now my MIL knows my wife's allergy really well, and both my wife and I are not sure why she did this. When my wife found this out she could not eat any of the food, she wanted to cancel thanksgiving dinner and just stay home. After some googling on how to make a turkey, and knowing my BBQ skills are really good I tried to ease the situation with my MIL and wife by offering to make the turkey for the dinner. My wife was so happy to hear this, and was looking forward to it. She bought vegan sides, made her own cranberry sauce, and planned to eat a lot of my turkey. She knows from past experience that when I BBQ everything comes out tasty, and perfect temperature. This folks is the beginning of the fuck up.
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Side note: This thanksgiving will be the first thanksgiving as a married couple, and our first holiday at my MIL's house.
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The Fuck up:
About 9 days ago I ask my mom about a turkey recipe grandma used to make, and the homemade gravy in the pan. I know from the past this tasted good, and was totally dairy free. Why fix something that ain't broke was my attitude. I write down all the ingredients, and steps then head to the store. At store I buy a RAW turkey (not frozen), and all the ingredients. Little to my knowledge at the time my mom forgot to tell me I needed to buy a frozen turkey, as it doesn't keep in the fridge. So me being the big ego guy I am with cooking meat, I refused to return it and decided to do a test turkey with my mom.
The test turkey:
Right before I head to my moms for the test turkey, I buy a frozen turkey and put in a pan in my fridge to defrost (5 full days to defrost). I head to my moms with the raw turkey and ingredients, and we start prepping the food. I learn about how she used to do this all the time, and how grandma would make the turkey, and how the house would smell so good. We put the turkey in oven, and I noticed there is no meat thermometer, turkey pin, or anything of the sort to tell internal temperature. I ask why this is, and my mom said this is how grandma did it so this is how you're going to learn. In my hesitation I agreed (was not until after the fuck up I learned Grandma used this giant silver temperature gauge to stick into the breasts and thighs of the turkey every hour) After 3hours of cooking and basting we needed to untent the turkey. (For those that don't known untenting is taking the foil off the turkey so it gets that nice brown and crispy skin.) About 40 mins later the turkey was done, and ready to rest. (at this point I didn't see my mom break out her own meat version of a meat temperature gauge, and she stuck it in the breasts/legs to make sure). My mom then asks me to carve the turkey, as she has no idea how. The golden rules of turkey carving my mom said were to have a sharp knife and a big fork to hold the turkey in place as it will move a lot. So I youtube a video and lets just say there was an attempt made, and I almost ruined the good turkey multiple times by having it slip off the cutting board (I caught it), cutting into the bones, not making good pieces, and well ripping the drumstick bone out but leaving the meat. I do say almost because you were able to eat around the bad parts, and it parts of it looked like shredded meat, and parts of it just looked there was an attempt. The meat and gravy were good though.
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Thanksgiving and The Dinner:
Here we are the day of the big day where I need to cook solo with out any supervision for this big meal. My wife goes out to the store to buy fresh ingredients, and I come home from the gym. Start cutting up everything, and now I am ready for the turkey. After 5 full days this thing was like an ice cube still, and I needed to learn how to defrost a turkey. So I googled a method by filling my sink with hot water and letting it run over the turkey. Then just let it sit there for 2 hours. After prepping all the ingredients, and the timer was up I took the turkey out of the water, tented it up, and put the bird in the oven. Now this process of cooking needed me to take the turkey out of the oven every 30-45 mins to baste the turkey so it would not dry out. To try and make life easier on my self I put a wireless temperature gauge inside one of the breasts, to let me know when it was actually done. With at least this done I would be able to have it nice and juicy by the time it comes out of the oven. After 3 hours of cooking and basting, I untent the turkey for the last 30 minutes. According to my thermometer I would need 1 hour so I called my mom to check in, and ask about it before put the turkey back in the oven. My mom said the thermometer was wrong, and I should just listen to her (thermometer was 100% correct, but more on that soon). I put the turkey back in the oven, and it took 1 hour instead of 30 mins to reach the temperature needed. Instead of brown and crispy parts were burnt... After letting the turkey rest I thought it was done, and ready to be wrapped up for transport. After following the directions of my mom on the turkey, and using my 1 meat probe on a breast I was confident at least the meat was ok. So I wrap up my now black and brown bird and head to my MIL's house.
We get to my MIL's house and I ask my Father in law (FIL) if he wants to carve a turkey and he says he does not know how, and I should do it. In my head I having flashbacks to the test turkey, and just hoping I don't mess up again. I ask my self to be excused so I can watch some more youtube videos on how to do this then return. My MIL asked if I was ready to carve, and I said yes. Please show me where the carving knifes are, and a carving fork. My MIL doesn't have a carving knife, and would not let me use her bread knife. I was given a chef's knife that was dull, and a serving fork to carve this turkey. My nerves know are at whits end, as I need to somehow cut this turkey with a dull knife, and a very small cutting board infront of everybody. I ask my MIL has a knife sharpener, and she brings out something from the 1970's (does not to well, but it allowed me to get a couple good cuts in). As I am carving the turkey I notice I am doing a decently well job at this, but as I started to get to the legs of the turkey and wings i notice how pink and bloodly it is. (after thinking about it a lot, the turkey was not thawed enough which resulted in an even cook). I Finish carving the breasts (perfectly cooked), wings (raw), legs (raw), thighs (raw), and put them on a try. My wife comes up to me at this moment of defeat and says nobody is going to remember how you ruined our first thanksgiving with your raw turkey. My MIL, FIL, and my wife's grandma start cracking up laughing and I am dieing inside. I ask if I can use the oven to attempt to salvage this mess of a meal. So my MIL puts in the legs, thighs, wings, and breasts for another 1 hour of cook time. During this cooking time we are just eating sides and her grandma decides she wants to go home with out any turkey. After the turkey comes out of the oven it looks dried out, and sad. Kind of like when you go to a food store and you see something that has been there to long. Now my MIL drives my wife's grandma home and comes back. Nobody wants to eat my sad turkey, but said my gravy was good, and I actually did a good job carving. The turkey breast that was store bought nobody really ate as it was covered in a sauce people didn't like. By this time in the meal nobody had turkey, sides were cold, and everybody was just cracking jokes at my expense.
After the jokes were done everybody at the sides, and dessert and were like wish we had some turkey. That would have went well with the stuffing, cranberry sauce, your gravy. So I buck up a bit and cut some pieces of this dried out meat to serve, and now nobody wants to eat it again, but they at least try it with the gravy and say how good the gravy is. After cleaning up and more jokes about my raw turkey it was time to head home.
TLDR:
Ruined thanksgiving by cooking a raw turkey, learning how to carve from a youtube video, and sending my wifes grandma home hungry.
Reset108: All I took from that is your wife’s mother doesn’t seem to care at all about her daughter having a food allergy.
Hulk_Goes_Smash327: Well that sure caused a lot of events to Happen.
| 3 | 10.333333 | |
1669385677 | 1669399025 | t3_z4edyn | t5_2to41 | 211 | [deleted]: TIFU by taking out my girlfriends IUD
[deleted]
Lymantria24: Why didn't you know that? Holy shit, I would have been so goddamn mad you and probably would've broken up with you over this, since you know nearly nothing about birth control whereas she suffers through it
Gavin_the_Gullible: Why would he know that?
Lymantria24: Well. There are many reasons. 1. It's included in basic sex education. Now i don't know from what country OP comes from, so ill give him the benefit of doubt. 2. You enjoy going without a condom, the least you can do is find out about the way your girlfriend prevents pregnacy and read about it, especially the side effects. 3. He himself should also have interest in it, knowing how high the chances are to get pregnant with the chosen method of his girlfriend. 4. It's just basic knowledge, people talk about it. Like here. I'm sure he knew "kinda" what it meant when his girlfriend told him, so why not take 2 minutes to Google and find out the information?
doyoubelieveincrack: Wow, that’s a whole lot of assumptions and judgement right there.
Lymantria24: Yeah, I deleted the last 2 sentences, i noticed it too. But I'm still fully behind the rest of what I said. The least you can do is to at least read about this stuff. Women suffer a lot from most of the methods and men tend to just sit there and not bother at all. Or do stupid stuff like you did, causing even more pain.
| 6 | 35.166667 | |
1669035188 | 1669044029 | t3_z0y9i0 | t5_2to41 | 1,523 | UnemptyStomach: TIFU by saying yes when my coworker asked me if I would be his work wife.
A couple months ago my coworker (M40) asked if I (F30) was his work wife. I thought work wife meant two people that were close at work (non sexual). I even looked up the definition on Google and Urban Dictionary.
We talk about once a week on the phone for 15-20 minutes. We are based out of separate offices. Our phone calls are us complaining about new policies or our boss. He occasionally would message or Snapchat me late at night saying random stuff. I just figured he was drunk.
Fast forward to this weekend. He messaged me telling me he was taking PTO this week. He said he would be in my area on Tuesday. I said we should grab lunch. This is where it got weird. He then told me he was getting a hotel room with a nice comfy bed. He said he didn't want to sleep on his friends couch. I told him that sounded nice I do the same thing when I visit friends. He then messaged me to bring my suit for the pool.
This made me feel weird because I have a BF and he is married. I just didn't reply to him.
He then messaged me the next day asking why I was ignoring his Snapchats. He was commenting on my story telling me I looked hot. He has never done this before. I just brushed it off. He then said well aren't you my work wife? I replied saying I didn't understand what that implied when I said yes.
He then apologized for his behavior and we haven't talked. I told my BF and my friends about it. I am definitely not having lunch with him lol.
TL;DR by saying yes when my coworker asked me to be his work wife.
faintestsmile: I get the idea of a work spouse but I feel like calling it that implies a level of intimacy that encourages people to cross boundries. I hear this kinda stuff all the time.
Luckily my work wife is my actual wife because we work in the same office together.
UnemptyStomach: I feel a bit naive that I didn't realize what he was implying.
jungerfrosch: He went too far, you were right. The work in work spouse means just that, it's a work friendship, nothing more.
faintestsmile: serious question, whats wrong with work friend? why does it need to be work *spouse*
dramatic-pancake: Generally it’s a person of the opposite sex that is just a little bit closer than regular colleagues.
faintestsmile: okay well im gay so maybe thats why i dont understand why there needs to be romantic titles involved in a friendship 🤷🏻♀️
dramatic-pancake: It’s less romantic as it is supposed to be comfortable.
faintestsmile: again, friend covers that pretty well. idk just kinda seems to me like some weird notion that people of the opposite sex cant be friends without a special title
| 9 | 169.222222 | |
1669390208 | 1669480138 | t3_z4g4d3 | t5_2to41 | 17,743 | tifu_throwaway565677: TIFU By Declaring That "Consent Is My Kink" at Friendsgiving
I (29m) haven't had a girlfriend in 10 years. Can't go into details without it sounding like a pity-party, but short version is I don't have the looks, the game, or the personality for a relationship, no matter how much I want one.
I was at Friendsgiving with friends and acquaintances. Everyone was drinking, and the topic of fetishes and kinks came up. People talked about the "weird" things that turned them on. One couple liked to take turns on top, another couple would do an intensive workout beforehand, etc. Eventually they asked me if I had any. I said "consent," which got mixed reactions. When they asked me to clarify, I just told them that after being alone for 10 years, the idea of being wanted was kinda hot!
Well, that just sort of killed the whole mood, since I was the only single person (guy or girl) there. We still talked, but I kept getting weird looks all night, and one of the couples left early. We sat around and watched the game after, but the mood was ruined.
This morning, I learned that everyone was going to a sort of "make-up" brunch thing, after some people had done their Black Friday shopping. I haven't been invited.
Tl;dr: I said I was turned on by "consent," at friendsgiving, killed the vibe, and I think I've been voted out of the group.
malin7: What's the context, it sounds like when you said consent out of the blue they may have felt you're judging them for what they're doing
Scoobz1961: The context is that OP is so desperate for sex that just the idea of a woman wanting to have sex is "kinky" to him. A very weird thing to say and a definite mood killer.
nonamebranddeoderant: Mood killer but I wouldn't cut someone out of the group for that. Possibly the last straw kind of thing
Scoobz1961: Absolutely agree. They are either bad people or this runs deeper.
Foogie23: This is definitely the type of person who makes self deprecating jokes all the time. It gets tiring just hearing a person’s personality be “lol I’m so sad.”
Scoobz1961: Possibly. Even likely. I just dont want to make blind assumptions either way.
pizza2004: The guy thinks it would be a pity party just to explain the basic details of his life, that only makes sense if people give him the impression he’s throwing himself a pity party commonly, or he’s around people who don’t like hearing about such things.
geeky_username: "I don't have the looks" - OP
Pete Davidson looks like a male sex doll brought to life and he smashes the hottest women on the planet.
This guy is 100% a drag to be around
pizza2004: Right? Imagine playing a “tell us your kinks game” and one person just says a single word “consent” and when someone is like, “What does that mean?” he just says “I haven’t gotten any in 10 years so a woman finding me attractive sounds hot.” In what world does that sound like a joke and not a pity party?
downfalldialogue: Imagine asking someone who hasn't had sex in 10 years their kinks. And then imagine not being shocked at their answer about their sexless life.
Scoobz1961: I just imagined it and they just shared their favorite pornhub category. Nobody batted an eye on their answer and the night carried out.
downfalldialogue: Yeah. You get it. Nice.
Because he did do that.
*Popular with Women* is his kink.
We out here crowning Kings. Not kink shaming.
Scoobz1961: If he actually said that it would have been acceptable.
downfalldialogue: They're the same sentence. You're just pedantic and want OP to cater to you.
Get over yourself.
Scoobz1961: They are the same sentence except they are different sentences and meanings? What can I do face to face with this level of delusion?
downfalldialogue: Are you lashing out because OP got invited to the party and you didn't?
Scoobz1961: Cant lie, friendsgiving sounds pretty fun. As a European I am a little jelly.
downfalldialogue: Being European isn't preventing you from spending time with friends..
We do it in Australia.
Scoobz1961: You have thanksgiving in Australia? Do you guys do turkey, kangaroos or what?
downfalldialogue: Why are conversations difficult for you?
Friendsgiving. We have friendsgiving. Not thanksgiving. Sporadically. Not a universal thing.
Scoobz1961: Answer the question. Do you eat turkey or kangaroos on friendsgiving?
slickslash27: Dude, its obvious you're so backed into a corner youre attacking peoples nationalities, like a snarling chihuahua acting tough. Turkey isn't required for Thanksgiving, my family does Chinese and Mexican since Turkey is overdone.
Scoobz1961: Thats great and all, but why dont you go yapping on the other guy for attacking me personally for several replies straight?
Also not attacking nationalities. I didnt know Australia had thanksgiving so I am curious.
slickslash27: Stereotypes about eating national animals is inheritely racist. You've already admitted to being the type of person to abandon friends in need and you dodge accountability left and right such as just now woth asking why I'm not going after him. The reason is you're a grade A piece of shit narcissist who deserves to be put in his place, they're not personal attacks when you clearly live up to every bit. The first step to fixing the problems you have, is realizing YOU ARE THE PROBLEM in these situations.
Scoobz1961: Racist? Against what race? Where did that come from? You dont know my race or OPs. Its more than likely we are the same race.
Alright, so its ok to personally attack people you personally dont like, but its suddenly racist when the person you dont like make an innocent kangaroo joke.
Does that sound objective to you? Fair?
Lastly where did you get this trash from?
>"You've already admitted to being the type of person to abandon friends in need"
What are you even doing at this point?
slickslash27: Ah I see were scrambling for the textbook narcissist deflection again. Sorry I meant xenophobic my mistake, the words are used so interchangeably now. What I'm doing though is holding you accountable for making fun of your friend for wanting to be loved like a piece of shit would. Clearly you were only worryied about how he ruined your mood with also clearly no concern for his mood, instead of helping him like any decent human would. If you're still lost and can be a good boy, maybe I'll draw you a map to help you find the conclusion you're missing that you are not in the right here, on anything.
Scoobz1961: > the words are used so interchangeably now
Maybe in your circles. Very different words, very different meanings. Dont mix them them.
>What I'm doing though is holding you accountable for making fun of your friend for wanting to be loved like a piece of shit would. Clearly you were only worryied about how he ruined your mood with also clearly no concern for his mood, instead of helping him like any decent human would.
Did you somehow delude yourself into believing this happened? You are making up scenarios in your head again.
Why dont I just leave you alone for a bit to let you sort yourself out. Take your time.
slickslash27: Do you think this doesnt look like an insecure narcissist, who is deflecting and projecting on other people, when you post stuff like that? You're comment history looks like one giant cry for help. 988 is the new mental health crisis number just so you know.
I'll go ahead and block you for your own well being, go outside man, or talk to your family, you need to.
| 29 | 611.827586 | |
1668540696 | 1668653198 | t3_yw7586 | t5_2to41 | 18,832 | Automatic_Eggplant24: TIFU because a deaf guy asked if I was single
This actually did happen today, but it wasn’t ME fucking up. Also throwaway because my bf follows me on my reddit account and I don’t want to block him lol.
So my bf and I have been in a relationship for 7 months now, both 18. Anyways, toady while I was waiting for the bus there was this guy who was staring at me. He looked like he wanted to approach me, so I put my headphones in and played around on my phone. Eventually, he came up to and handed me his phone. It was open on his notes app and it read
“I’m deaf but I just wanted to tell you that you are very pretty. Are you single?”
So I took the phone and I wrote in “I have a boyfriend.” That was our whole interaction. The guy smiled and walked away after that.
But JUST at the moment where I was typing on his phone, a group of my boyfriends friends walked past us. They stared at me and then I could hear them talking among themselves. It did look like I was giving him my number or something.
I messaged my bf explaining the whole thing to do some damage control but I think his friends had already told him what they saw.
We just got off the phone and I tried to explain that I literally didn’t do anything wrong but he doesn’t believe me. He thinks I’m cheating. This is such a ridiculous situation lol. I cant even be that mad, it’s more funny than anything. How bad is my luck?
Anyway, just wanted to share todays fuck up. Hopefully he sleeps on it and actually believes me tomorrow.
TL;DR : a deaf guy thought I was pretty and handed me his phone asking if I was single. When I took his phone and wrote that I’m taken, my bfs friends walked past us and thought I was giving this guy my number. My boyfriend now thinks I’m cheating
runswithdolls: My vote is go find that deaf dude who took no for an answer with a smile.
Jenderflux-ScFi: Yep, go find him and let him know the relationship imploded because she touched his phone and someone saw it and the ex doesn't even trust her to touch another man's phone.
Raycut: Jesus christ think about it from an outside perspective for a second. They saw OP typing something in another guy's phone, then the guy smiled and walked off, cheating is the most reasonable assumption to make.
Seriously, if there was a post saying "my friends saw my girlfriend typing something in a guy's phone, she says she was rejecting a deaf guy" most people would be saying that's a blatant lie and she was giving him her number.
silsune: If we're in a relationship and I can't trust you over my friends who literally just saw you holding a phone then we're not really in a relationship. There's obviously no trust there or the guy has serious issues. Maybe he's been cheated on before but either way she's being put through the wringer here over nothing. How is that fair?
Raycut: Again, it wasn't "literally just holding a phone" it was typing something in the phone that made the guy smile. I mean fucking hell OP can admit it looks like they were cheating, why can none of the comments?
Tiny_Rat: It might have looked like a lot of things. But the bf's friends didn't see her doing anything that directly constitutes cheating, and her boyfriend should be able to trust her when she says his friends misinterpreted the very limited interaction they saw. If he can't trust her, there's really not much future to the relationship.
silsune: This is basically what I was saying, yeah. I didnt say it didnt look like whatever, I'm saying that he should trust his S.O. because if you can't trust them what's the point of being in a relationship?
Call me an idiot but unless I have proof that my gf is cheating (seeing her type something into a phone that makes someone smile means nothing because as you've clearly heard, the guy smiled out of politeness, it wasn't some creepy smile.) I'm gonna take her word for it.
I'm a guy with a lot of female friends and my girlfriends have had a lot of male friends. That kind of thing is possible because of trust. If there's no trust you have nothing. He may as well end things now because there's no way she can prove she wasn't cheating, so he'll always be worried about that in the back of his mind based off of the secondhand account of people who saw half of an interaction. Really confused about why you're on his side here lol.
Tiny_Rat: > Really confused about why you're on his side here lol.
Nothing in my comment is "on his side". I was trying to explain your point to someone who disagreed with you.
silsune: oh sorry that bit was aimed at the person you were replying to lol
Tiny_Rat: Oh, sorry, lol. That makes sense
silsune: No, no haha, entirely valid reaction, I was falling asleep and my brain for some reason decided it would make total sense to everyone involved if I simply shifted the subject I was talking to mid-response without informing any of the relevant parties. 1000% my bad. And thanks for that explanation!
Tiny_Rat: I was half asleep when I read your comment, so that makes two of us, haha!
| 13 | 1,448.615385 | |
1669390814 | 1669688346 | t3_z4gcy9 | t5_2to41 | 461 | TheEmptiestVoid: TIFU by sitting down without looking first
I'm going to preface this by saying that I have pretty severe anxiety and have spent the majority of my life being overly cautious as to not do anything that could potentially harm me (except for smoking, idk, my brain is dumb).
So this morning I go outside to sit on my porch and smoke a cigarette, a very common practice that I engage in. I usually check the chairs in the morning for spiders but I was barely awake and thought to myself "how many times have you actually found anything on the chair?"
Wow, much growth, challenge those irrational thoughts bitch!
So I just sat myself down and then *immediately* jumped back up BECAUSE MY ASS WAS ON FIRE. FIIIIRRREEEEEE. I look down and see a big ass wasp writhing in pain. Serves him right, tbh.
My brain immediately goes to "Fuck, I've never been stung before. What if I'm allergic?"
Cue the 1 and a half hour panic attack. I feel like I'm dying but I can't tell if it's panic or anaphylaxis. A modicum of sense comes upon me and I realize that I'd probably already be dead if it was an anaphylactic reaction.
In the end, I got the last laugh because that fucker got ass squished and didn't make it BUT I PREVAILED!
I can't sit properly without it hurting like a biiiiitch and this has only made my hate for wasps even stronger but thank you all for letting me share my embarrassment with you.
TL;DR
I didn't look at the chair before sitting and sat on a wasp
Squigglepig52: Of course it was a big ass wasps, what other kind of wasp lurks on chairs?
Fuck wasps, by the way.
taxibootleg02: FUCK WASPS >:(
Arkoden_Xae: Do not fuck wasps..
T4kh: r/Insex
thatdlguy: Today is a terrible day to have eyes
HarryPottersElbows: I have finally learned. The Sandy Cheeks vore subreddit changed me. I will not click the r/Insex link.
Ok_Rhubarb7652: So smart, I now want to remove my eyes because I just had to click and find out
| 8 | 57.625 | |
1668507278 | 1668559767 | t3_yvsz5m | t5_2to41 | 170 | jediaaylasecura: TIFU by Vomiting in My Coworker's Mouth
I am literally mortified and I desperately need to get this off my chest.
So I (F18) have been working with this guy (M24) for 6 months at this sex shop near my house (yeah weird I know but I was desperate for a job). At first I thought he was kinda weird because he kept making super weird jokes about the dildos and stuff that we sell, and like I thought maybe he was just trying to ease the tension of working in this unusual business but the jokes got more and more explicit and it kinda seemed like maybe he was using them as an excuse to hit on me. I guess I thought this was a bit creepy, but he has this really sexy Welsh accent and honestly it sort of won me over, even when he was saying stuff about my moans sounding like clucking chickens and stuff. I don't know, bit of an odd guy. Recently we have started messaging outside of work, and he suggested that we go to the backroom on our next shift and reenact some of his jokes I guess. I wasn't too sure about it at first, but I ended up saying yes because I haven't even kissed anyone in ages and I want some new experiences.
So, today, we closed up around 6 and this guy leans against the wall and asks if I wanna go into the backroom with him. I said yes, but on the inside I was so nervous. We go inside the backroom and he fully swallows my face up, like his kissing is so sloppy and I kinda felt like i was rubbing my mouth against a slug. In addition to this, my nerves were making me really nauseous, which has happened a few times. Like, for example, when I was like 14 I had to make a speech in front of the whole school about climate change and I just straight up spewed when I was about to get up. It's kind of like the blonde one from Pitch Perfect and how she barfs when she's super stressed. Yeah, I get like that. So, anyways I started to think, maybe I should stop this because the kissing sucks and I feel the nerves kicking in, but before I could even begin to pull away, projectile vomit just exploded out of my mouth. It was all red and stuff because I had eaten this red velvet cupcake on my break, and it splattered all over his face and mouth and just everywhere. I won't go into too many more details but oh my god he literally looked like Carrie when they poured pig's blood on her, like it was so disgusting. I expected him to be shocked and maybe angry or something, but he literally just started wailing like a two-year-old. Like full on temper tantrum wailing, and his cries were so high pitched too, like if someone was walking past they would honestly think it was a toddler. I had no idea what to do so I just scrambled around trying to find tissues or something and awkwardly patted him down as he sobbed. Once he was mostly clean I asked if he needed anything and I swear he said "I'm going to call my mummy." Like I'm not sure if I imagined the y on the end but like??? Anyways, that's beside the point.
I have been feeling so bad about the incident and I'm not sure what to do about it. I told my mum about it briefly, but just avoided the details and said I accidentally vomited on a guy at work (didn't mention that it was in his mouth of course). She said maybe I could give him one of the red velvet cupcakes she baked. I know this may be a bad idea because of the red vomit, but maybe he couldn't tell?? I don't know, just feeling guilty and confused and thinking maybe I should see a doctor or something.
tl;dr: I vomited in my Welsh coworker's mouth while having a very sloppy makeout session because I was overly nervous.
Prind25: You know some people pay good money for that.
ededpesa: What??
activ8r: SOME PEOPLE PAY GOOD MONEY FOR THAT!
| 4 | 42.5 | |
1669394785 | 1669396784 | t3_z4hy4j | t5_2to41 | 25 | Stormy95: TIFU by not going home with a girl when I had the chance
(I've never wrote here so I don't really know where to begin and how to format so I just write it like I saw ot from tiktoks. Bruh)
I (m 19) had my prom last friday and after the prom the after party started. I live in Europe so obviously drunk that night. I quickly hit it of with a girl from my class whom I like and almost every time we went out together before that night to drink with a group we used to mess around a bit. So after dancing and kissing with her I went out to help send one of my friends home because he didn't feel so good. When I returned she and one of her friends were outside and was waiting for her mom to pick them up. She asked me if I wanted to go home with her but I refused because I thought that she wasn't feeling so good either and I didn't wanted to go home with her and her mom(big mistake). We agreed that we would do that another time and waited for their ride.
After that I went back to the party where I danced with 2 other girls from my class. I know it sounds bad but other than dancing we didn't do anything else. The next day a few of my friends showed me videos of me dancing with those girls and said that they saw me messing around with them too and that they were proud of me. The thing is that other than dancing nothing ever happened with them and many people said that they saw us kissing etc. and that they captured them on videos but when they showed me these videos they could see that I'm telling the truth.
The problem is that the girl I actually did something with is now cold with me and pretty much every other girl in my class thinks that Im a doucebag for messing around with 3 girls which I didn't do.
TL;DR I had the chance to go home with a girl but I refused because I'm a degenerate and now almost everyone in my class thinks that I'm a doucebag.
Unfiltered_America: The only regret you should have is your choice in friends. You acted responsibly, they're assholes.
Stormy95: I dont blame them they thought i did something which I didn't and after I explained myself they believe me but the biggest problem is that the word already got out and many girl from my class said that they also saw me with those 2 girls
Ler_GG: \*thought
| 4 | 6.25 | |
1668687991 | 1668729693 | t3_yxoykn | t5_2to41 | 3,749 | [deleted]: TIFU by not drinking water before a drunken threesome
[deleted]
kytheon: People who are on a diet of drugs and alcohol seem to have higher highs and lower lows. No good story starts with a glass of milk.
bitches_love_brie: Sober threesome > drunk/high threesome every time.
Das_pest: Defiantly Wouldn’t of happened sober wouldn’t been to amusing and weird
Edit (correction) “Definitely wouldn’t of happened sober. Would’ve been too amusing and weird”
BurstingWithFlava: Are you still on drugs?
Das_pest: Smokin a joint rn ye
BurstingWithFlava: Lol that last comment was difficult to read
Das_pest: Holy shit I’ve just read it back 😂
BurstingWithFlava: r/ihadastroke material, all good dude. Enjoy that j for me till I get off work
Das_pest: Best of luck with your shift g <3
elitemarxman: When I saw the ye I was thinking of that viral knock off land before time video.
Yeeeee!
sandybutterworth420: The one where it's like: wah-wah wah wah wah wah, wah wah wah-wah, wah- wah wah wah wah wah-wah yeeee?
| 12 | 312.416667 | |
1669396294 | 1669399289 | t3_z4ik5c | t5_2to41 | 13 | pctechpr0n: TIFU by telling my best friend that I've liked her since I've known her
Now we're not talking to each other anymore... I (26m) basically told her (22f) that I've liked her since before we were even friends. The funny part is that it's not even true and I just blurted it out right before I was about to leave her place.
For some context: we've known each other for around 3 years, but have been best friends for nearly 2 years. We first met in college, I found her attractive and noticed she had a great personality but that was it; it was the same way I felt about other classmates but for some reason I told her that was the starting point 🙃.
I've liked her off and on during our friendship. And at some point she dated one of my friends and I was happy for her and only saw her as one of my best friends. However, last year, they broke up and she needed friends to help get her through it so I tried to help by getting her out more and talking to her everyday. Our friendship grew because of it, but my dumb brain got attached and I started getting those feelings back for her and I couldn't help it.
At first we were both sort of laughing at how awkward the situation was. She said she was actually flattered but the feelings weren't mutual. I sort of knew she didn't like me, but I needed to get the feelings off my chest because I've held it in for so long to the point where I couldn't move on to anyone else. And I was having panic attacks at the thought of telling her because I thought we'd lose our friendship.
Her response didn't bother me, I accepted it and was ready to see her as only a friend from then on. I knew it might take some time to do it but eventually I'd get there. But I stupidly decided to let her know that by reaching out later and saying "Hey. This might take a little bit to get over but I'll get there eventually" to which she responded: "Idk how to respond to that" but later she said "I'm sure we'll be okay"
Her answers were fairly short after that point.
The next day, I noticed she reacted to one of my friends' BeReal's without posting her own (which is impossible to do btw). And she apparently deleted me off the app.
I reached out asking if we're *actually* okay and she blew up at me saying she feels uncomfortable being around me one-on-one and she feels disgusted. She wondered how much of our friendship was genuine and how much of it was me just trying to get more out of it. She also said she doesn't know how we can be friends going forward and she needs time to process it all.
Her response absolutely wrecked me to say the least. I spent the next two hours typing up a response and said I'd leave her to think about it. During the next couple weeks I was in misery... she deleted me off other socials in the meantime. Not only was I sad about losing my best friend, but I thought I'd lose all of our mutual friends as well... thankfully that hasn't happened.
She messaged me while I was at work basically saying "I can't be friends with you going forward. We'll probably see each other at parties with our friends but that'll be it"
I only realized the fuck up after texting our mutual friends asking what I should do. I didn't realize she was most likely reacting this way because of the way I told her. Who tf wouldn't feel uncomfortable if your best friend told you they liked you since before you became friends?? I realized I fucked up bad... I spent 3 hours at a Cafe typing up a response, telling her exactly when I started getting feelings and explaining why I wasn't in it just to be something more. I knew she wasn't going to respond so I just laid it all out on the table.
It's been almost 2 weeks since then, and I'm doing okay for the most part. Some days I thrive living off the "fuck you" energy because if she was able to end a friendship like we had based off an assumption that I'm an asshole without hearing me out, then clearly it was more one-sided than I thought. But at the same time I miss talking to one of my best buddies...
The weird part is that she still interacts to my family's posts on social media. It's strange that my dad is more of a friend to her than I am at this point lmao. I still keep in touch with our mutual friends and I've reached out to them about the situation. Some have been super helpful too... but I can't shake the feeling that they don't see me the same as before.
In retrospective: if you're going to tell your best friend you like them, make sure to not be a freak about it.
TLDR: I fucked up by telling my best friend I had feelings for her since I've known her, now she feels uncomfortable with me and we're not talking anymore.
Potential-Swimmer945: You’re not wrong for admitting your feelings for her. Feelings are weird, and we truly cannot help who we like. However, as a female, I’m going to say that her response may seem weird and hurtful, but that’s just how most of feel when men we thought were just friends, tell us they caught feelings. It makes us uncomfortable, because we start to question everything. OR, if you are lucky, we’ll be like “Omg, I’ve had feelings for you all this time too!” Then y’all live happily ever after. Unfortunately, life doesn’t happen like that at all. I hope she eventually comes around, at least so you all can be on cordial terms.
pctechpr0n: I can definitely see why she's uncomfortable, it just hurts hearing that from my best friend, especially after how much we've hungout and talked. She most likely saw me as one of her best friends because of it that and saw I was one of the few "good guys" who only saw her as a friend as well. I betrayed the trust she had for me and I don't blame her for feeling that way.
Feelings really do be out here messing it all up for the both of us.
But some of our mutual friends are hoping she'll come back around at some point as well, thanks for the response!
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1669398831 | 1669472935 | t3_z4jksd | t5_2to41 | 2 | throwawayacc5675: TIFU by eating seafood salad on thanksgiving
My family loves sea food salad. Well to be clear, my family loves my aunts sea food salad. Yesterday on thanksgiving while we were eating, I saw a bowl of sea food salad on the counter with the rest of the feast so naturally, I grabbed a spoon and scooped a whole bunch on my plate. When I was scooping the salad the aunt that supposedly made it came up to me and asked who made the salad which confused me because I thought she did. But my hungry ass decided not to think much of it and still eat it because I saw maybe five others with it and it seemed fine based on how fast they were eating. After a while I realized it tasted a little funny.. not how it usually tasted but again I didn’t think much of it, just thought maybe she used new ingredients. I ended up having two plates of the seafood salad. This morning my mom called my siblings and I down stairs and she asked who all ate the salad. Turns out that salad was very old and was sitting in my aunts fridge for almost a month. My aunt says she has no idea how it got out the fridge and why it was out in the first place. I feel sick. I ate two plates. I have bad sea food in my body. Bro. Will I die? I feel fine and nothing has happened to me but it’s just the thought. TL;DR
GatorSpeed: Drama queen
throwawayacc5675: ah you mad😜
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1669395092 | 1669735496 | t3_z4i2bv | t5_2to41 | 30 | knife_in_yer_guts: TIFU by getting a woman fired from her job
This happened last week so the pain is still real, but the fuck up is 8 days old.
This past month or two has been pretty stressful and I've been drinking a bit more than usual, mostly at night. I usually go to the little small town liquor store that is closest to where I live, because I sometimes like to walk there even though it's getting cold.
About a month ago, this gorgeous woman started working as the cashier and, to my surprise, started flirting with me from pretty much the get go -- at least, that is what it seemed to my signals-often-missed, numb to when people actually like me, male brain. One night I went in to get my usual bottle, I had been walking so I was smoking some weed from my vaporizer before I walked in. She saw this, made a comment about it, and we went outside and smoked together for a bit, still talking and flirting. She had commented about how the owners of the store were kind of tight-asses and had yelled at her before for smoking. She was feeling sort of down about some other topic and I had to get home for work, so I left after about 10 minutes of talking with a hug and we said goodbye.
The next night I really couldn't stop thinking about her so I went back to talk and offer her another smoke (convincing myself that maybe I had cheered her up). I walked in as another customer was approaching the store, and started talking with her asking how she was feeling. By this time the other customer had walked in the store and was also near the register (with some beer). She was still feeling down, so I reached into my pocket and pulled out my vaporizer, mentioning we could smoke again if she wanted. She mentions that she can't, because her boss had yelled at her about smoking before, and kind of nudges her head toward the other "customer" near the counter, who I am now realizing is her boss! Once I realized that I basically just outed her for smoking again on the job, with a customer, I started noping out of the store. She offered me some weed and a free shooter before I scurried out of the door, accepting nothing.
After drinking myself to sleep from the embarrassment, obviously I was feeling incredibly shitty about what happened. I went back only to find out that was the last night she worked at the store. Someone else took over two days afterwards.
Either she got fired, or I sufficiently creeped her out enough to quit. She did mention that she had another job lined up, so I'm really hoping she didn't have a hard time. It seemed we had mutual feelings for each other, but neither of us got the others contact details.
tl;dr: I got a beautiful cashier who was into me fired a week before Thanksgiving by inadvertently telling her boss that she had smoked weed with me the night before, with no way to apologize or contact her.
AcrobaticSource3: > Eithe she got fired, or insufficient creeped her out enough to quit
You’re jumping to conclusions. You didn’t say out loud that you and she smoked while she was on shift before. (And if the owners yelled at her for smoking on her free time, then fuck them) And based on your story, it doesn’t seem like she was creeped out and not enough to throw her job away to get away from you. More likely you misinterpreted cues and she’s not really into you and wasn’t flirting seriously and just left for a new job and didn’t care to let you know. Or maybe she got COVID.
Also, it’s Thanksgiving, maybe she went on vacation or to visit her family or friends or boyfriend. You should ask the new cashier if he or she is the new regular, and where the person before them went
knife_in_yer_guts: Thanks for the perspective and advice!
AcrobaticSource3: Good luck, man! I hope she comes back in a week or two and you two can hit it off
knife_in_yer_guts: Hey man!
I took your advice and went back in and talked to the new cashier. Apparently, she either moved onto a new better gig (which she had mentioned she had lined up), or got fired for drinking on the job (maybe, but unlikely).
Still kind of sad we're unlikely to see each other again. But also glad it doesn't seem like I was the reason she left/got fired. It seems you were right about me jumping to conclusions. I think you're pretty spot on about her not being into me (or at least, _as_ into me) as I was her.
Thought you deserved to know since you're the only one I got advice from haha.
AcrobaticSource3: That’s too bad, but I appreciate the update. Take care and good luck
| 6 | 5 | |
1669399931 | 1669491185 | t3_z4k0zy | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU I feel sick to my stomach over this
[deleted]
HODLFFS: Oral sex is still sex
TornIntoEnthralment: I know. I betrayed my best friend. I never wanted this to happen but I was so weak in the moment. Real fucking awful feeling. No idea how to tell him. He deserves to know
HODLFFS: Honestly shit happens. You're a real peice of ahit for doing it BUT it's fate.. maybe that's really your queen 👸
TornIntoEnthralment: I could never lie someone knowing our happiness caused pain to him. He is very introverted and only fucked 2 people his entire life. This will fuck him up. I know it takes 2 to tango but I fucking knew better and did it anyways. I hate myself
I will never care for her; provide for her, or even love her the way he loves her. I can't say I love her. I can't love anyone if I hate myself and this time those are very related
Choice_Glass_3625: Valid! I’d hate myself too; but hey character development. Maybe look at this fuck up like it will be the start of turning a new leaf in your life where you’ll end up happy?
TornIntoEnthralment: I don't know how to address my friend. Like I'm really bad with confrontation but I can't waste any more time. I'm mildly autistic, communicating things effectively have gone very wrong for me in the past
Choice_Glass_3625: Well I’d start by reaching out to close family or friends where it’s a non judgmental environment and ask for advice for what you should say to your friend. Communication is key, you should just explain where you’re coming from and describe your actions. That may help you not be so anxious about the outcome of your situation. And regardless if it doesn’t, it’ll help you separate this instance from situations in the past where you’re still processing trauma. It sucks you’ve had situations in the past where you communicated properly and it blew up in your face. But you can’t stop trying… that being said, I wish you good luck. Everyone deserves a little luck 🍀.
| 8 | 1 | |
1667509351 | 1667577812 | t3_ylev30 | t5_2to41 | 83 | thrwaw4156: TIFU by accidentally calling my MIL a nazi
First a little context: In my (24F) homeland the presidential run just ended, the left wing candidate won by a very small advantage over the most right winged one. Because of the split in the population, there are protests happening and on the most radical areas (we will call it State x) there were even nazi salutes.
Now the part where I fucked up: I am a very open person on my political positioning, I always posted on my IG stories about it and it never was an issue. After this candidate won, I kept expressing how happy I was, since I supported him. Since the protests started I only posted ONE story about it. The story said "State X really thinks it represents the whole country, but then again: who do you think the most nazi state would support? Comical".
It was not long after my husband (28M) got a message from MIL, that lives on State X, saying I was being unbearable with those IG story posts and their despise over me was growing more and more. That didn't affect me, we have a rule that each spouse takes care of their own parents.
It was until my mother messaged me.
MIL went to my mom's chat and said I was being offensive towards them by calling them a nazi, repeated everything she said to my husband and that we should go back to our country to suffer since we supported the elected president so much (we are currently living abroad because of our jobs). I saw red.
I messaged MIL directly and long story short: I shamed her for not talking to me but to everyone around me, said she should check herself bc I was not talking about her and sent so many links to what I was talking about on the IG story. That went straight over her head. As soon as she realized she was wrong, she deviated the subject and I couldn't argue anymore. It was like talking to a wall.
It's important to say my partner was defending me all this time. I just lost it because MIL went to my mom directly and I couldn't keep it together anymore.
Today my partner came up to me expressing he was very sad about the situation with his mom. Although he knows it wasn't my intention, he mentioned very kindly it still could appear to his parents like it was directed to them (even though it wasn't).
I shouldn't have posted that story.
TL;DR: MIL saw an IG story I posted about protests with nazi symbols and thought I was talking about her.
AllanfromWales1: If they voted Bolsinaro they're hardly better than Nazis. They need to take their heads out of the sand.
thrwaw4156: They did vote for him, I would like to think it's just based on pure ignorance.
Ironic-Hero: There were plenty of people who supported Hitler out of pure ignorance. It’s also quite telling that your MIL is more offended by being compared (in her mind) to a nazi than by the fact that there are people on her side that engaged in nazi solutes. She’s telling on herself.
| 4 | 20.75 | |
1667516732 | 1667570050 | t3_ylhtiq | t5_2to41 | 125 | gay_af2301455: TIFU by accidentally coming out to my best friend
So for a bit of context, my bsf, S, and I (both F) have been friends for a long time. She was the first friend I made after finally getting out of a rough patch of my life and has always been there for me. She is the most important person for me. Also, I am gay but closeted. I realized a year ago but I haven't told anyone yet because i dont feel ready. We also have 2 other close friends, E and G (also F). G is openly gay and loves to talk about it. Anyway, during lunch today, S and G were talking about their crushes and how me and E seemed to have no crush on anyone. S said as a joke that I was like Mandarin, E was like German and G was like French, English and Spanish. I didn't understand so she explained to me that G was french, english and spanish because those are all languages that she understand well (we live in Canada and S is from Colombia). E was German because she didnt understand the language but if she worked on it, she would understand. Finally, I was Mandarin because she couldn't understand me at all. She said I needed to ''teach'' her Mandarin if I wanted her to understand. I said that when I will understand Mandarin myself, I would teach her. A couple hours after that, we went to the school library to take a book for our English class and she sat next to that dude, L. The thing with L is that me and S both made a dream about him in the same week (nothing nsfw). In her dream, they were kissing and holding hands and dating and stuff. In my dream, he was like a policemen that was chasing after me and he said something like ''I'm your gay friend'' and then we became bff and stuff. Anyway, she was talking to L at the library and it looked like they were dating and it was so cute. When it was time to go, we started to talk and I told her it was like in her dreams. She said no and then as an inside joke I said ''I'm your gay friend'' and she said ''yes you are''. Then I was like ''I shouldn't have said that'' in my head. And 5 minutes later, she said ''I think I understand Mandarin'' and she said nothing else bout for the rest of the day. I dont know what to do. I dont feel ready to come out, especialy not by accident.
TL;DR: TIFU by making an inside joke to my bsf and her understanding that i was gay.
MushroomNearby8938: She's probably had a little crush on you and is feeling rejected since she can't be with you
gay_af2301455: i don't think so but ok
also, I am a girl so your comment doesn't really make sense
MushroomNearby8938: My most downvoted post! 😃
But yeah okay I see, I was wrong. Was thinking from male perspective based on my own experiences.
| 4 | 31.25 | |
1669403973 | 1669475433 | t3_z4lnt8 | t5_2to41 | 2,068 | HelpMeTHrowaway12243: TIFU by lying about me being colorblind 9 years ago.
Hello reddit, I'm 16 M, When i was little i had friends in school (who are friends to me in the current day) i told them as a lie that i was red and blue (which doesn't even exist to my knowledge) colorblind because for some reason i wanted to be unique or some of the sort, this snowballed into my friends telling other people about this and for 9 years i've been called colorblind i wanna admit that i'm lying but i'm afraid of the consequences that might happen. worst part of this entire lie is my friends are planning on buying me colorblind glasses, i don't know what to do or how to admit this lie with the most minimum damage i can do to not lose friends or just something minimal i want to try and minimize the possibilities of big issues with any method. Help
TL;DR| I Lied about being colorblind for 9 years and my friends believed me and are going to buy me colorblind glasses i dont know how to admit my lie
EDIT: I did i told them the truth via text in our group chat im just waiting for a response its 12 am where i live currently also
To the people who were like you wanted to be special and so, i did that because i was basically no body and no one liked me so i tried to do something to stand out.
For the people who made jokes about me hitting my head and seeing colors again thank you for the laughs
For the people who gave me actual advice thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kindness.
EDIT 2: They responded and their reply was great , as you guys they laughed about it and it wasnt a big deal it feels like a 100 ton weight was just lifted of my chest thank you all for the encouraging words
gutscheinmensch: I am sorry, but from now on you will be a wearer of glasses and if you're lucky it will filter out the opposite colors so you will actually be colorblind with the glasses and do not have to lie anymore 👍🏻
HelpMeTHrowaway12243: I dont want that to happen bro save me 
gutscheinmensch: If you're even luckier, you're a glasses type face and will look incredibly stylish when around your friends in the future!
HelpMeTHrowaway12243: i already wear glasses, but wouldnt it be weird that when they ask me what color is that and point at something i have to take off my glasses so i can see what the actual color is because i wouldnt know with the colorblind glasses
Scoobz1961: The colorblind glasses are not really suited for daily wear and it does not prevent person who sees color from seeing them.
That being said they will learn of your lie once they actually look into buying you glasses as there are no glasses for Red/Blue colorblindness (as thats not a thing)
You can fess up, or you can double down and harshly scold your friends for wanting to alter your vision. Its incredibly inconsiderable to buy those glasses for somebody without previous consent. As others pointed out, its expensive and it practically forces you to at least try them on. However once you try them, your whole world might get turned upside down.
I have red/green colorblindness and I dont want to even try those glasses. You can be happy when you dont know what you are missing. What if the colors are actually beautiful with the glasses? I will forever have to buy and wear them. Besides they dont even show true color.
TheChaosBug: Those glasses don't even work if you're color blind. They're at best "color corrective" for people who are slightly colorblind like me, but they cannot add cones to your eyes. Colorblindness is due to a lack of specific color receptors in your eyes, no glasses will ever give you the ability to see new colors or tell apart colors you cannot.
HaloHowAreYa: This is not exactly true. Everyone has all three color receptors in their eyes (to my knowledge, but there may be cases I don't know about), but people with color blindness have an issue with the range of colors that they can see.
Each type of cone is excited by a different range of light wavelengths. Ideally, there would be a perfect separation between the red, green, and blue wavelengths with no overlap. Colorblind people have a more significant overlap between the red and green cone response range, or the green and blue. Or in the most extreme cases, all three, in which case the person would really perceive a "black and white" world devoid of color.
The way that colorblind glasses work is they act as a "notch filter", or a filter that cuts out frequencies only in the overlapping range. This is a fairly novel, quite advanced type of filter and isn't the usual "color correction" type lens you're referring to. This notch filter makes it so that the range of light that your brain usually misinterprets as the wrong color is absent, and it enhances your ability to see those real colors.
If you have 100% overlap between any cones you cannot correct it with these kinds of glasses. But in your case if you do have minor color deficiency, you might have a great experience!
| 8 | 258.5 | |
1667524010 | 1667580572 | t3_ylkn8p | t5_2to41 | 31 | goodguyape: TIFU by texting a girl I like a really weird incel message
[removed]
Zemreis99: Maybe tell her in person that your little cousin got a hold of your phone or something. Maybe she'll believe it, who knows. Anyway good luck bro
workingonfixing: Absolutely not, as a woman, if a guy from school texted me something and then used the excuse that someone else sent it. I would be so annoyed that he couldn’t just own up to it. If I were OP I would face this head on confidently and express that it was meant to be a joke, (turns out a really weird and bad one) but apologize for crossing a boundary. Then walk away.
aNo_nYm_oUs_13: Umm, the cousin thing sounds more safe,or confronting and saying "about that message yesterday, I am truly sorry,I was playing truth or dare, and my dare was to say this to a gal and you were the only one who crossed my mind, I mean you were the safest choice"
Something like that.
I mean you want him to be honest, but my guy needs the best way out of this mess
workingonfixing: I understand, but unfortunately do you realize how often boys say that excuse lol. It comes off childish and very unbelievable 😂. Never a good idea to start childish and then lie. The girl will literally cringe at the backing out excuse lol The safest option isn’t always the best option tbh. If you straight up own it, and apologize, girls will see you as an honest guy who made a really dumb joke. Which is a green flag.
aNo_nYm_oUs_13: I dunno lol,OP and me both are around 17yo so a little childish excuse may do the work or maybe not.Its just sometimes we are weirdly insecure and if I were in his position I may have thoughts like she will never wish to talk to me again, or she may say something harsh about me in public/class etc etc.
In the end, he has to decide on his own, we don't know much about the gal op is talking about
workingonfixing: Lol I feel you, but he already said a childishly weird thing. You blame someone else for it, 10x worse. It’s highly unbelievable and embarrassingly lame to blame someone else. People will then will say “omg did you hear what OP did? He sent this and then tried to pretend his cousin sent it” which is so embarrassing, no?
aNo_nYm_oUs_13: Wait, you got it wrong, I am asking him to blame on a game.
Cousin shit is def stupid
workingonfixing: I getchya, I just think blaming anyone/any thing is lame and not worth it. It definitely wont save face and will create a sus
“Mmm..k” situation but i value your opinion.
aNo_nYm_oUs_13: Yes, lol I was about to say something similar if you were to put another argument
| 10 | 3.1 | |
1669406403 | 1669421462 | t3_z4mmra | t5_2to41 | 256 | Remarkable_Camera832: TIFU by getting so drunk I shit in my bedroom
My wife and I went to her coworkers house for thanks giving and her husband got me really drunk mixing beer wine and whiskey.
We make it home, hop on a FaceTime with my brother and have some good laughs about how drunk I am. Then go to sleep.
The next thing I can remember, it’s the middle of the night and I’m hopping out of the shower after having a good puke session. My wife is very upset about something but I’m not 100% sure what she is trying to communicate to me. She hands me some cleaning supplies and sends me to our bedroom.
Our bedroom has a big window to the left of the bed and we have a nice bench there to fill up the space. At night we take the decor pillows off the bed and put them on the bench.
I walk out of our bathroom and into the bedroom and find the bench is pulled away from the window, tipped on its side and now leaning against the wall part below the window sill. There is also a big piece of shit balanced on one of the beams of the bench.
I’m still extremely drunk but the reality of what I had done was quite sobering. I proceed to clean up my mess and tell myself that I am never drinking again. It gets worse though…
I finish and go to my wife who has migrated to the living room out of disgust. After my profuse drunken apologies she begins to tell me her side of the story.
About an hour after we go to bed she is woken up by me telling her to go grab the trash can from the bathroom. She sleepily gets it and walks over to me, but is confused about why our bench is tipped sideways and I am sitting on it. She also notes that it smells terrible but assumed that I had just farted. At the point she has not realized that I was using the bench as a toilet. She convinces me to get up and continue puking in the bathroom and helps me get there. She turns to go back into our bedroom when she finds ….
Our dog is licking my shit on the bench.
TL;DR: got drunk, used my bench as a toilet then my dog licked my poop
horrifyingthought: That sucks, but it sounds like drinking to excess is not the norm for you, and you took full responsibility and cleaned it up yourself once you were cognizant.
I agree this is a fuckup, and you might have to buy some apology flowers and new bench (I doubt your wife will ever sit on it again lol), but overall this seems like a relatively minor blip. No big yellow or red relationship flags on either side, congrats on such a healthy relationship!
Now drink some water, buy some bleach, and then go back to sleep lol
Remarkable_Camera832: Drinking like that really isn’t the norm for me. And after this I’ll only be less inclined to it. And boy howdy am I blessed to have a lovely wife. Great idea with the apology flowers I’m going to use that one for sure
President_Calhoun: You might have trouble finding an appropriate greeting card to express your regrets. This is kind of a niche situation.
the101ers: No shit.
horrifyingthought: Yes shit.
| 6 | 42.666667 | |
1667529133 | 1667567202 | t3_ylmh08 | t5_2to41 | 12,055 | EnvironmentalAd9359: TIFU by taking a $27/hour Job over a $45/hour Job
I'm a third-year college student who was looking for a 6-month internship in the finance field. Today I received two job offers, one at a less well-known firm that pays $27 an hour with no prospect of full-time conversion, and one at one of the most reputable investment banks in the world paying $45 an hour in the world with high rates of full-time conversion. My dumb ass ended up mixing up the two emails and accepting the $ 27-an-hour offer instead of the $ 45-an-hour offer. If I back out, my university will ban me from participating in the internship program potentially starting an inquiry into expulsion.
TL;DR Today I fucked up by absolutely sucking at emails and accepting the wrong job offer. Check your emails before you send them lol. If anyone needs me I'll be kicking myself for a good year.
immibis: Go directly to your supervisor or program manager or whoever is in charge of this, right fucking now, and say you accidentally accepted the wrong offer by mistake and is there any way to fix it?
Worst you can get is a "no", but there's also a good chance you can still get the better offer.
EnvironmentalAd9359: I already tried lol, set up a meeting with my advisor right after I made this mistake and she basically said I had to go through with it now
MetatronStoleMyBike: Make noise. Fuck the University. If the company is offering 45 an hour as an intern then take it.
Capable-Site-301: Exactly this. Isn't the whole point of going to university to land one of these kind of jobs? Well, you got it. If you do the job well, then there's no reason they wouldn't want to keep you on, and would most likely pay for you to finish your degree at another school.
fastermouse: Dear Mr Smith,
I fucked up and turned down your lucrative job offer because I mixed up the emails.
Please rescind my refusal and reinstate me in your program.
Dear Capable-Site-301,
Good luck in you future endeavors. We don't hire fuck ups that can't answer an email without costing themselves $2000 a week.
Don't contact us again.
Ethan0pia: $2000 a week? They make their interns work 111 hour weeks?
fastermouse: 9hr days = $405 a day X 5 days.
Ethan0pia: You said "costing themselves $2000", which means you balance the $45 an hour vs the $27 an hour position. A difference of $18 an hour. So 111 hours a week to "cost themselves $2000".
Lol, he blocked me...
fastermouse: From the standpoint of the shunned employer, it's 2k a week.
Edit
Dear EthanOpia,
I blocked you? Yes after you dm’ed me your insults and creepy profile stalker crap.
And then you blocked me.
What a child.
EEVVEERRYYOONNEE: >We don't hire fuck ups that can't answer an email without costing themselves $2000 a week.
You phrased it from the employee's point of view though...
| 11 | 1,095.909091 | |
1669407965 | 1669412207 | t3_z4n9fn | t5_2to41 | 72 | zapdoszaperson: TIFU by poorly packing things into me car
This just happened a little while ago. My gf and I are in the process of moving into our new home, we had been living with family so it's been a lot of carloads of stuff when we had a chance. I went up today and loaded my SUV up with those cube organizer book cases and shoved an assortment of non-breakable things in and around them to make sure I was getting the most out of my trip. That stuff was sliding all over the place but I thought nothing of it.
I stop at Wal-mart to grab some groceries since it's on the way, Black Friday meant it was pretty busy. I do my shopping and return to my vehicle, I opened the back door and time slowed. A decorative shoe box slowing falling to the black top, I scrambled to catch it. It made contact with the parking lot, it bounced sending the lid flying.
I watched as dildos, bottles of lube, and other assorted adult items rained out of the box and onto the pavement. I scrambled, sweeping an armful of dicks back into the box and shoving it back into my car. I stood there for a second in silence, looked around and sighed. A short moment of peace as I realized nobody had seen what had happened.
My jaw dropped as the silence was shattered by a BZZT, BZZT, BZZT... coming from the back seat of my car. Not realizing it in the panic, and to my horror, something had turned on. I stealthily and frantically sifted through the box until I silenced the culprit. I loaded my groceries, got into the driver's seat, and laughed my ass off.
I texted my gf to tell her about the incident. She was very concerned something of value was broken. She realized what box I had dropped and replied with a disappointing "now I have to clean them all".
TLDR: I crammed a bunch of shit into my car and had a box of sex toys fall out into a Walmart parking lot creating even more work for myself and my exhausted gf.
Scary-Alternative-11: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 OMG, you just made my day! I'm glad nobody saw!!
GruesomeJeans: At a Walmart parking lot, a box of dildos falling on the ground is the most tame thing to happen that day
| 3 | 24 | |
1668838603 | 1668846256 | t3_yz5960 | t5_2to41 | 13 | Logical-Command: TIFU by going viral on Tik tok
TIFU by going viral on Tiktok
Last week i posted a very distasteful tik tok not thinking it would get any attention. The contents were the “im not saying she deserved it” trend with a back story of how my aunt used to abuse my brother as a kid so when i grew up i fucked her man. I never thought it would get the attention it did and i never thought my family would see it. I didnt even think they had tiktoks. Unfortunately they all saw it and i got woken up to messages from all of them about it. My aunt is so angry she could kill me on sight.
This all happened when i was 15, i was in a bad situation and he knew it and he paid me for my time. What makes it worse is my aunt was pregnant and she saw pictures of me on his phone so she asked me and i denied it 10 years ago. Now theres no going back. Theres no more to hide. I put it out there for everyone to see and judge and I hurt my family.
TL;DR:
I posted a tik tok admitting i fucked my aunts husband (not related) for abusing my brother as a child
Ruckus292: Tale as old as time: Never put anything on the internet you wouldn't want your mum family, or boss to see....
Also, did you say "I was grown up" then immediately follow up with "I was 15 then".....!? You must be in the US, in my country the statutory is 16.
Logical-Command: I meant is as grew up like enough to know right from wrong. I was def not grown in the US (where i am) the age of consent is 18
panbert: "grew up like enough to know right from wrong". It seems from your post that you still haven't managed that little trick.
Logical-Command: It eez what it eez
| 5 | 2.6 |
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