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| import { useState, useEffect, useRef } from 'react'; |
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| export const WITTY_LOADING_PHRASES = [ |
| "I'm Feeling Lucky", |
| 'Shipping awesomeness... ', |
| 'Painting the serifs back on...', |
| 'Navigating the slime mold...', |
| 'Consulting the digital spirits...', |
| 'Reticulating splines...', |
| 'Warming up the AI hamsters...', |
| 'Asking the magic conch shell...', |
| 'Generating witty retort...', |
| 'Polishing the algorithms...', |
| "Don't rush perfection (or my code)...", |
| 'Brewing fresh bytes...', |
| 'Counting electrons...', |
| 'Engaging cognitive processors...', |
| 'Checking for syntax errors in the universe...', |
| 'One moment, optimizing humor...', |
| 'Shuffling punchlines...', |
| 'Untangling neural nets...', |
| 'Compiling brilliance...', |
| 'Loading wit.exe...', |
| 'Summoning the cloud of wisdom...', |
| 'Preparing a witty response...', |
| "Just a sec, I'm debugging reality...", |
| 'Confuzzling the options...', |
| 'Tuning the cosmic frequencies...', |
| 'Crafting a response worthy of your patience...', |
| 'Compiling the 1s and 0s...', |
| 'Resolving dependencies... and existential crises...', |
| 'Defragmenting memories... both RAM and personal...', |
| 'Rebooting the humor module...', |
| 'Caching the essentials (mostly cat memes)...', |
| 'Optimizing for ludicrous speed', |
| "Swapping bits... don't tell the bytes...", |
| 'Garbage collecting... be right back...', |
| 'Assembling the interwebs...', |
| 'Converting coffee into code...', |
| 'Updating the syntax for reality...', |
| 'Rewiring the synapses...', |
| 'Looking for a misplaced semicolon...', |
| "Greasin' the cogs of the machine...", |
| 'Pre-heating the servers...', |
| 'Calibrating the flux capacitor...', |
| 'Engaging the improbability drive...', |
| 'Channeling the Force...', |
| 'Aligning the stars for optimal response...', |
| 'So say we all...', |
| 'Loading the next great idea...', |
| "Just a moment, I'm in the zone...", |
| 'Preparing to dazzle you with brilliance...', |
| "Just a tick, I'm polishing my wit...", |
| "Hold tight, I'm crafting a masterpiece...", |
| "Just a jiffy, I'm debugging the universe...", |
| "Just a moment, I'm aligning the pixels...", |
| "Just a sec, I'm optimizing the humor...", |
| "Just a moment, I'm tuning the algorithms...", |
| 'Warp speed engaged...', |
| 'Mining for more Dilithium crystals...', |
| "Don't panic...", |
| 'Following the white rabbit...', |
| 'The truth is in here... somewhere...', |
| 'Blowing on the cartridge...', |
| 'Loading... Do a barrel roll!', |
| 'Waiting for the respawn...', |
| 'Finishing the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs...', |
| "The cake is not a lie, it's just still loading...", |
| 'Fiddling with the character creation screen...', |
| "Just a moment, I'm finding the right meme...", |
| "Pressing 'A' to continue...", |
| 'Herding digital cats...', |
| 'Polishing the pixels...', |
| 'Finding a suitable loading screen pun...', |
| 'Distracting you with this witty phrase...', |
| 'Almost there... probably...', |
| 'Our hamsters are working as fast as they can...', |
| 'Giving Cloudy a pat on the head...', |
| 'Petting the cat...', |
| 'Rickrolling my boss...', |
| 'Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down...', |
| 'Slapping the bass...', |
| 'Tasting the snozberries...', |
| "I'm going the distance, I'm going for speed...", |
| 'Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?...', |
| "I've got a good feeling about this...", |
| 'Poking the bear...', |
| 'Doing research on the latest memes...', |
| 'Figuring out how to make this more witty...', |
| 'Hmmm... let me think...', |
| 'What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh...', |
| 'Why did the computer go to therapy? It had too many bytes...', |
| "Why don't programmers like nature? It has too many bugs...", |
| 'Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs...', |
| 'Why did the developer go broke? Because they used up all their cache...', |
| "What can you do with a broken pencil? Nothing, it's pointless...", |
| 'Applying percussive maintenance...', |
| 'Searching for the correct USB orientation...', |
| 'Ensuring the magic smoke stays inside the wires...', |
| 'Rewriting in Rust for no particular reason...', |
| 'Trying to exit Vim...', |
| 'Spinning up the hamster wheel...', |
| "That's not a bug, it's an undocumented feature...", |
| 'Engage.', |
| "I'll be back... with an answer.", |
| 'My other process is a TARDIS...', |
| 'Communing with the machine spirit...', |
| 'Letting the thoughts marinate...', |
| 'Just remembered where I put my keys...', |
| 'Pondering the orb...', |
| "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... like a user who reads loading messages.", |
| 'Initiating thoughtful gaze...', |
| "What's a computer's favorite snack? Microchips.", |
| "Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.", |
| 'Charging the laser... pew pew!', |
| 'Dividing by zero... just kidding!', |
| 'Looking for an adult superviso... I mean, processing.', |
| 'Making it go beep boop.', |
| 'Buffering... because even AIs need a moment.', |
| 'Entangling quantum particles for a faster response...', |
| 'Polishing the chrome... on the algorithms.', |
| 'Are you not entertained? (Working on it!)', |
| 'Summoning the code gremlins... to help, of course.', |
| 'Just waiting for the dial-up tone to finish...', |
| 'Recalibrating the humor-o-meter.', |
| 'My other loading screen is even funnier.', |
| "Pretty sure there's a cat walking on the keyboard somewhere...", |
| 'Enhancing... Enhancing... Still loading.', |
| "It's not a bug, it's a feature... of this loading screen.", |
| 'Have you tried turning it off and on again? (The loading screen, not me.)', |
| 'Constructing additional pylons...', |
| 'New line? That’s Ctrl+J.', |
| ]; |
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| export const PHRASE_CHANGE_INTERVAL_MS = 15000; |
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| export const usePhraseCycler = (isActive: boolean, isWaiting: boolean) => { |
| const [currentLoadingPhrase, setCurrentLoadingPhrase] = useState( |
| WITTY_LOADING_PHRASES[0], |
| ); |
| const phraseIntervalRef = useRef<NodeJS.Timeout | null>(null); |
|
|
| useEffect(() => { |
| if (isWaiting) { |
| setCurrentLoadingPhrase('Waiting for user confirmation...'); |
| if (phraseIntervalRef.current) { |
| clearInterval(phraseIntervalRef.current); |
| phraseIntervalRef.current = null; |
| } |
| } else if (isActive) { |
| if (phraseIntervalRef.current) { |
| clearInterval(phraseIntervalRef.current); |
| } |
| |
| const initialRandomIndex = Math.floor( |
| Math.random() * WITTY_LOADING_PHRASES.length, |
| ); |
| setCurrentLoadingPhrase(WITTY_LOADING_PHRASES[initialRandomIndex]); |
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| phraseIntervalRef.current = setInterval(() => { |
| |
| const randomIndex = Math.floor( |
| Math.random() * WITTY_LOADING_PHRASES.length, |
| ); |
| setCurrentLoadingPhrase(WITTY_LOADING_PHRASES[randomIndex]); |
| }, PHRASE_CHANGE_INTERVAL_MS); |
| } else { |
| |
| |
| if (phraseIntervalRef.current) { |
| clearInterval(phraseIntervalRef.current); |
| phraseIntervalRef.current = null; |
| } |
| setCurrentLoadingPhrase(WITTY_LOADING_PHRASES[0]); |
| } |
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|
| return () => { |
| if (phraseIntervalRef.current) { |
| clearInterval(phraseIntervalRef.current); |
| phraseIntervalRef.current = null; |
| } |
| }; |
| }, [isActive, isWaiting]); |
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| return currentLoadingPhrase; |
| }; |
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