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import { useState, useEffect, useRef } from 'react'; |
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export const WITTY_LOADING_PHRASES = [ |
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"I'm Feeling Lucky", |
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'Shipping awesomeness... ', |
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'Painting the serifs back on...', |
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'Navigating the slime mold...', |
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'Consulting the digital spirits...', |
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'Reticulating splines...', |
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'Warming up the AI hamsters...', |
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'Asking the magic conch shell...', |
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'Generating witty retort...', |
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'Polishing the algorithms...', |
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"Don't rush perfection (or my code)...", |
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'Brewing fresh bytes...', |
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'Counting electrons...', |
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'Engaging cognitive processors...', |
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'Checking for syntax errors in the universe...', |
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'One moment, optimizing humor...', |
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'Shuffling punchlines...', |
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'Untangling neural nets...', |
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'Compiling brilliance...', |
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'Loading wit.exe...', |
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'Summoning the cloud of wisdom...', |
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'Preparing a witty response...', |
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"Just a sec, I'm debugging reality...", |
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'Confuzzling the options...', |
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'Tuning the cosmic frequencies...', |
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'Crafting a response worthy of your patience...', |
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'Compiling the 1s and 0s...', |
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'Resolving dependencies... and existential crises...', |
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'Defragmenting memories... both RAM and personal...', |
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'Rebooting the humor module...', |
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'Caching the essentials (mostly cat memes)...', |
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'Optimizing for ludicrous speed', |
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"Swapping bits... don't tell the bytes...", |
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'Garbage collecting... be right back...', |
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'Assembling the interwebs...', |
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'Converting coffee into code...', |
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'Updating the syntax for reality...', |
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'Rewiring the synapses...', |
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'Looking for a misplaced semicolon...', |
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"Greasin' the cogs of the machine...", |
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'Pre-heating the servers...', |
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'Calibrating the flux capacitor...', |
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'Engaging the improbability drive...', |
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'Channeling the Force...', |
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'Aligning the stars for optimal response...', |
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'So say we all...', |
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'Loading the next great idea...', |
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"Just a moment, I'm in the zone...", |
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'Preparing to dazzle you with brilliance...', |
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"Just a tick, I'm polishing my wit...", |
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"Hold tight, I'm crafting a masterpiece...", |
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"Just a jiffy, I'm debugging the universe...", |
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"Just a moment, I'm aligning the pixels...", |
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"Just a sec, I'm optimizing the humor...", |
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"Just a moment, I'm tuning the algorithms...", |
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'Warp speed engaged...', |
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'Mining for more Dilithium crystals...', |
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"Don't panic...", |
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'Following the white rabbit...', |
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'The truth is in here... somewhere...', |
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'Blowing on the cartridge...', |
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'Loading... Do a barrel roll!', |
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'Waiting for the respawn...', |
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'Finishing the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs...', |
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"The cake is not a lie, it's just still loading...", |
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'Fiddling with the character creation screen...', |
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"Just a moment, I'm finding the right meme...", |
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"Pressing 'A' to continue...", |
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'Herding digital cats...', |
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'Polishing the pixels...', |
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'Finding a suitable loading screen pun...', |
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'Distracting you with this witty phrase...', |
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'Almost there... probably...', |
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'Our hamsters are working as fast as they can...', |
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'Giving Cloudy a pat on the head...', |
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'Petting the cat...', |
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'Rickrolling my boss...', |
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'Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down...', |
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'Slapping the bass...', |
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'Tasting the snozberries...', |
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"I'm going the distance, I'm going for speed...", |
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'Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?...', |
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"I've got a good feeling about this...", |
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'Poking the bear...', |
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'Doing research on the latest memes...', |
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'Figuring out how to make this more witty...', |
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'Hmmm... let me think...', |
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'What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh...', |
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'Why did the computer go to therapy? It had too many bytes...', |
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"Why don't programmers like nature? It has too many bugs...", |
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'Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs...', |
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'Why did the developer go broke? Because they used up all their cache...', |
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"What can you do with a broken pencil? Nothing, it's pointless...", |
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'Applying percussive maintenance...', |
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'Searching for the correct USB orientation...', |
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'Ensuring the magic smoke stays inside the wires...', |
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'Rewriting in Rust for no particular reason...', |
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'Trying to exit Vim...', |
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'Spinning up the hamster wheel...', |
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"That's not a bug, it's an undocumented feature...", |
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'Engage.', |
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"I'll be back... with an answer.", |
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'My other process is a TARDIS...', |
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'Communing with the machine spirit...', |
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'Letting the thoughts marinate...', |
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'Just remembered where I put my keys...', |
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'Pondering the orb...', |
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"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... like a user who reads loading messages.", |
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'Initiating thoughtful gaze...', |
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"What's a computer's favorite snack? Microchips.", |
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"Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.", |
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'Charging the laser... pew pew!', |
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'Dividing by zero... just kidding!', |
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'Looking for an adult superviso... I mean, processing.', |
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'Making it go beep boop.', |
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'Buffering... because even AIs need a moment.', |
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'Entangling quantum particles for a faster response...', |
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'Polishing the chrome... on the algorithms.', |
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'Are you not entertained? (Working on it!)', |
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'Summoning the code gremlins... to help, of course.', |
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'Just waiting for the dial-up tone to finish...', |
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'Recalibrating the humor-o-meter.', |
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'My other loading screen is even funnier.', |
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"Pretty sure there's a cat walking on the keyboard somewhere...", |
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'Enhancing... Enhancing... Still loading.', |
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"It's not a bug, it's a feature... of this loading screen.", |
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'Have you tried turning it off and on again? (The loading screen, not me.)', |
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'Constructing additional pylons...', |
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'New line? That’s Ctrl+J.', |
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]; |
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export const PHRASE_CHANGE_INTERVAL_MS = 15000; |
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export const usePhraseCycler = (isActive: boolean, isWaiting: boolean) => { |
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const [currentLoadingPhrase, setCurrentLoadingPhrase] = useState( |
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WITTY_LOADING_PHRASES[0], |
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); |
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const phraseIntervalRef = useRef<NodeJS.Timeout | null>(null); |
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useEffect(() => { |
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if (isWaiting) { |
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setCurrentLoadingPhrase('Waiting for user confirmation...'); |
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if (phraseIntervalRef.current) { |
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clearInterval(phraseIntervalRef.current); |
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phraseIntervalRef.current = null; |
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} |
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} else if (isActive) { |
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if (phraseIntervalRef.current) { |
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clearInterval(phraseIntervalRef.current); |
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} |
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const initialRandomIndex = Math.floor( |
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Math.random() * WITTY_LOADING_PHRASES.length, |
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); |
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setCurrentLoadingPhrase(WITTY_LOADING_PHRASES[initialRandomIndex]); |
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phraseIntervalRef.current = setInterval(() => { |
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const randomIndex = Math.floor( |
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Math.random() * WITTY_LOADING_PHRASES.length, |
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); |
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setCurrentLoadingPhrase(WITTY_LOADING_PHRASES[randomIndex]); |
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}, PHRASE_CHANGE_INTERVAL_MS); |
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} else { |
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if (phraseIntervalRef.current) { |
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clearInterval(phraseIntervalRef.current); |
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phraseIntervalRef.current = null; |
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} |
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setCurrentLoadingPhrase(WITTY_LOADING_PHRASES[0]); |
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} |
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return () => { |
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if (phraseIntervalRef.current) { |
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clearInterval(phraseIntervalRef.current); |
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phraseIntervalRef.current = null; |
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} |
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}; |
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}, [isActive, isWaiting]); |
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return currentLoadingPhrase; |
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}; |
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