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                              CONAN THE BARBARIAN                                  Written by                   Thomas Dean Donnelly & JoshuaOppenheimer                                                                                Based on the writings of                               Robert E.Howard                                                                                October 7, 2009          OVER BLACK:                                   In the darkness, we hear thesolitary sound of a HEARTBEAT,          resounding like a drum.                                    NARRATOR (V.O)           In between the years when the           oceans drank Atlantis and the rise           of the Sons ofAryas, there was an           age undreamed of, when shining           kingdoms lay spread across the           world like blue mantles under the           stars. Hither came Conan, the           Cimmerian: a thief, a slayer,a           king born of battle.                                   Muffled sounds, as if underwater, echo: CLANGING swords, the          guttural CRIES of combat.                                                  UNBORNBABY                                   Eyes closed, floating at peace within red glow of the womb.                                   Suddenly, a flash of steel, as a sword pierces the womb, its          tip not an inch from the baby'shead.                                   As the sword is ripped out, light streams in from outside, we          travel with it, into the DIN of BATTLE.                                                            EXT. CIMMERIA - MUDDY FIELD -DAY                                   A blonde-haired, armored AESIR RAIDER withdraws the bloody          sword from the stomach of ISLENE, a wild-maned Cimmerian          beauty, many months pregnant, now clutchingher bloody          stomach.                                   Across a muddy battlefield, the air a maelstrom of falling          snowflakes and embers from trees aflame, the powerfully built          CORIN rallies his fellowCIMMERIANS, until he spots Islene.                                                   CORIN           Islene!!!                                   Wielding a broadsword, runes etched into its surface, Corin          cuts a bloody paththrough his enemies, his eyes never          leaving Islene.                                   The Aesir standing over Islene LAUGHS as she claws at the          earth behind her, trying to pull herselfaway.                                                   AESIR           Now, now little whore. Did I get           you or your little one?           2.                                                            Islene's hand reaches backonce again -- and it finds a          fallen warrior's SWORD. In one fluid motion she swings the          sword around her body and drives it into the gap in the          Aesir's armor -- at hisgroin.                                                   ISLENE           I'd ask you the same.                                   The Aesir HOWLS in agony, raising his sword to deliver the          killing blow -- when another swordpierces his chest. The          Aesir falls, revealing Corin standing behind him.                                   Corin throws aside his horned helmet, and falls to his knees          beside Islene, checking her wound. When he pullshis hands          back they are coated in blood.                                   Their eyes meet. Torment. Loss. They both know. She pulls a          knife from the folds of her pelts, puts it in hishand.                                                   ISLENE (CONT'D)           Take your child.                                                   CORIN           I cannot.                                   Islene looks to her naked belly.The baby inside presses          against its womb, a visible impression on her flesh.                                                   ISLENE           There is no time, husband. I would           see my child'sface.                                   Islene's eyes flutter as she struggles. Corin lowers the          knife. Islene's eyes lock with Corin's as he puts the knife          to use. Never once does she scream.                                   Amoment later, Corin lifts the crying, blood-covered BOY up          through the falling snowflakes to Islene's lap.                                                   ISLENE (CONT'D)           A boy. He will be strong. Awarrior           with no equal.                                                   CORIN           Do not speak, love.                                                   ISLENE           You have never been able to still           mytongue, and you will not this           day. He will be wild, Corin. You           must temper him.                                   She shares one kiss with her child, its first taste not of          mother's milk, but of herblood.           3.                                                                            ISLENE (CONT'D)                          (FADING)           Conan.His--name--is--Conan.                                                  CONAN                                   The boy's eyes are as deep and blue as the Eastern Sea.                                   TITLE CARD:CONAN                                                   CUT TO:                                                            EXT. CIMMERIAN VILLAGE - DAY                                   A small Cimmerian village lies in a heavilyforested valley,          a redoubt from the icy mountains surrounding it.                                   Round wooden huts surround a stone-lined pit, where young          CIMMERIAN BOYS, ages 12-15 stand. Pollen driftsthrough the          air, giving it an ethereal haze.                                   At the center of the pit URAN, an elder Cimmerian warrior          speaks.                                                   URAN           A Cimmerianwarrior is like any           other man. A Cimmerian warrior           feels hunger. He feels cold. Like           other men he may lie and cheat.           (stares the boys down)           But when a Cimmerianwarrior           hungers, he hungers only for the           blood of his enemy. When he feels           cold, it is the cold steel of his           sword. When he lies, he lies in           wait for his enemy. And whenhe           cheats, he cheats death itself!                                   Uran stops at the end of the line, where a boy stands a good          two heads smaller than the rest. He is no more than eight,          but his face is asstoic, driven.                                                   URAN (CONT'D)           Conan! You are too young to be           here. Withdraw.                                   CONAN, determined, doesn't move an inch. TheLARGEST TEEN          menacingly steps up to the smaller boy.                                                   LARGEST TEEN           He said leave, motherlesswhelp.           4.                                                            The hulking teen goes to shove Conan, but Conan pulls his arm          towards him, lashing out with his other hand, punching the          teen in thethroat.                                   The large boy goes down hard, hands and knees, gasping for          air.                                   A smattering of LAUGHS erupt from the boys, quickly silenced          by Uran's stare. Uranhands out RIVER STONES to each boy,          ending with Conan. The boys know what to do: they put the          large stones in their mouths.                                                   URAN           In the black cragin the high pass           stands a wooden training sword. The           one who claims it, with stone still           in his mouth, will have earned the           right to train with the warriors.                                   The boyslook at each other, sizing up the competition.                                                   URAN (CONT'D)           Well? What are you waiting for?!                                   And off they run. They knock each other down,punching the          other's stomachs, each trying to force the other to expel          their stones. One or two succeed.                                   Most of the remaining boys run for the trail that winds high          into themountains. But a few head right for the sheer cliff          face.                                   Conan follows the ones headed to the cliff.                                                  CLIFF FACE                                   Andwhen the Cimmerian boys climb, it is a sight to behold.          They find cracks we can barely see and scale the smooth rock          face as though it were a ladder.                                   The hulking teen reaches forthe same handhold as Conan,          trying to knock him off. Conan swings with one hand and finds          another path. In moments he is ahead.                                                            EXT. FOREST -DAY                                   Conan is in the lead as he crests the cliff top, the bigger          boys right behind him.                                   They race through the forest, heading uphill--                                   When Conan spots movement ahead. He pauses --           5.                                                            And the largest teen elbows past Conan, into the lead. The          boy runs twopaces more and suddenly flies off his feet, an          AXE lodged squarely in his forehead.                                   All the boys stop. Out of the dense forest come                                   FOUR PICTISHSAVAGES                                   Covered with fearsome war paint and armed with dual hand          axes, the rotting heads of their enemies are slung at their          waist.                                   The boys spit outthe rocks in their mouths and YELL. They          turn and run in the opposite direction.                                   Only Conan doesn't move, even as another boy pulls athim.                                                   CIMMERIAN BOY           Conan! Run!                                   But Conan simply pulls the axe from his large boy's skull. He          turns to face the Picts, his eyesburning.                                   The Picts LAUGH and CHARGE CONAN.                                                   CUT TO:                                                  LATER                                   Corin arrives withUran and other armed CIMMERIAN WARRIORS.          They get a brief glimpse of a single PICT, escaping in the          other direction. One of the Cimmerians takes off in pursuit.          Corin desperately searches for hisson.                                                   CORIN           Conan? Conan?!                                   Conan steps forward from out of a thicket, his body covered          in Pict blood. Three PICTS lie massacred, thebodies hacked          to pieces.                                                   CORIN (CONT'D)           What have you done, boy?                                   Conan walks past the other stunned Cimmerians, up tohis          father. Conan SPITS OUT the bloody stone from his mouth.                                                   CONAN           They killed one. I killed three. I           am a warrior now.                                   Uranand the other Cimmerian men exchange worried glances.          Looking at the carved up bodies of the Picts, they are          aghast. Conan looks confused. Why aren't they


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                             SOLDIER                            Written by                        David WebbPeoples                                                  REVISED DRAFT                                                  October 2, 1997     INT.  HOSPITAL NURSERY - NIGHT     BABIES in bassinets, isolettes,incubators.  BABIES sleeping,     BABIES blinking, BABIES cooing, BABIES chirping, BABIES     squalling.     It's the SQUALLING BABIES, the ones with pinched faces and tiny     bunched fists, that seem to interest theTWO ANONYMOUS MEN in     Military Uniforms.  (Their anonymity is assured by the angles     from which they are seen; they are hands, they are feet, they are     the backs of heads.)     A lone NURSE watches themgrimly as they make their "selections,"     marking the cribs of the most active, noisy BABIES with X's.                                                       CUT TO:     EXT.  VAN/HOSPITAL - NIGHT     ANGLE ONVAN DOORS slamming shut on a dozen squalling BABIES in     tiered red cribs.     ANGLE ON THE VAN pulling away from the loading dock of the large     hospital as a date is SUPERED over thescene...                                1992                                                       CUT TO:     INT.  CAGE/BASEMENT ROOM - DAY OR NIGHT     Vicious teeth, savage snarls, tearing flesh as threefierce     fighting DOGS battle a single WOLVERINE in large steel cage.     The cage is in the middle of a gloomy windowless room surrounded     by twenty TWO-YEAR-OLDS seated on folding chairs and dressedin     identical gray overalls.  As the TWO-YEAR-OLDS watch the battle,     amazement on their innocent faces, a date appears SUPERED over     the scene...                                1994     WE DISCOVER in theshadows more ANONYMOUS MEN (and WOMEN), some     of them in Military Uniforms, observing the children.                                                       CUT TO:     INT.  A WINDOWLESS CEMENT ROOM -DAY OR NIGHT     It's creepy:  the same children two years older, milling about a     bare cement room, apparently unsupervised.  They ought to look     cute, but somehow these joyless FOUR-YEAR-OLDS lookslightly     sinister, all of them wearing drab uniforms and military burr-cut     hair.  Again a date is SUPERED over the scene --                                1996     -- just as an AGGRESSIVE FOUR-YEAR-OLDapproaches a PASSIVE FOUR     YEAR-OLD seated on the floor and kicks him.     It's a harmless child's kick.  But then, as the DATE DISAPPEARS,     he kicks the PASSIVE FOUR-YEAR-OLD again.  And again.     Theservo-motor in a remote video camera mounted high on the wall     WHINES slightly as the camera pans to the record the action.                                                       CUT TO:     INT.  WINDOWLESS"CLASSROOM" - DAY OR NIGHT     Puzzles.  Fingers fit shapes into holes.  The puzzles aren't fun     puzzles; they're obviously tests of intelligence or dexterity or     both.  SIX-YEAR-OLDS now, the boys perform ina grim room under     fluorescent lights as more ANONYMOUS MEN and WOMEN in polished     shoes and sharply creased military slacks cruise the aisles,     observing.     As a date appears SUPERED over thisscene...                                1998     WE NOTICE one of the SIX-YEAR-OLDS is becoming familiar to us.     TODD.  We NOTICE his intense eyes as he dexterously manipulates     apuzzle.                                                       CUT TO:     EXT.  FIELD - DAY     Behind a cyclone fence topped with curlicues of razor wire, the     boys, now TEN-YEAR-OLDS, are marching information under the     supervision of a (faceless) DRILL SERGEANT.  Again a date is     SUPERED over the scene...                                2002                                                       CUTTO:     INT.  GYMNASIUM - DAY     Fourteen-year-old TODD is doing bench presses in shorts while all     around him his FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD COMRADES work out with weights     in a very grim andspartan gym that resembles a sinister     concentration camp more than the yuppie spas of the 20th Century.     The date appears SUPERED over thescene...                                2006                                                       CUT TO:     EXT.  OBSTACLE COURSE/MONTAGE - DAY     The FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLDS, TODD among them, jump,roll, dive, crawl,     swim, and rappel through a brutal course featuring:     vertical wooden walls,     fast moving rapids,     tangles of barbed wire,     steep rock faces,     and finally a jungle of dangling chains with tinycircular     "platforms" about eight inches in diameter every ten feet.     FOURTEEN YEAR OLDS bloody each other with pugil sticks and padded     cudgels while they swing twenty feet above the ground.  One of     themis knocked off, plummets downward.  CRUNCH!                                                       CUT TO:     EXT.  SNOW COVERED LANDSCAPE - DAY     Long even strides, two inches of snow.  Breathing hard,the     SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLDS now lope through hills and woods in shorts and      T-shirts, their breath coming in steamy blasts as the date is     SUPERED over the scene...                                2008     This abrutal cross country run under a grim sky in bitter cold     weather, but the SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLDS are super-fit, their faces     hard and without expression, their eyes as cold as snake eyes.     Except for the STRAGGLER,a lone boy who's bringing up the rear,      obviously in trouble, gasping for air, struggling, struggling,      struggling to keep his feet...     ANGLE ON A HILL where ANONYMOUS OBSERVERS, all in militarydress,      watch.     ANGLE ON THE STRAGGLER, unable to keep his feet, going down,     gasping.  With fearful eyes, he looks toward the hill where he     knows the OBSERVERS are.     ANGLE ON THE PACK, sixteenSIXTEEN-YEAR-OLDS not looking back,     even as a single SHOT rings out.  TODD doesn't even blink, just     keeps running.                                                       CUT TO:     EXT.  SHOOTING RANGE -DAY     Suddenly, out of nowhere, a scary mechanized pop-up target, a     MILITARY FIGURE, erupts from the long grass, weapon pointing.     Before the weapon can flash a laser bean, AUTOMATIC FIREravages     the target and it disappears back into the grass.  The boys,     EIGHTEEN-YEAR-OLDS now, are wearing combat gear and carrying     automatic weapons as they advance through a sloping field oftall     grass.     Different sophisticated TARGETS pop up urgently, sometimes close,      sometimes far, some MOVING rapidly on tracks.     The EIGHTEEN-YEAR-OLDS expertly mow down menacingMILITARY     FIGURES while holding their fire when ANIMAL TARGETS or UNARMED     CIVILIANS and CHILDREN appear.     The eighteen-year-old on point is RILEY, a muscular redhead.     TODD is right behind him asa date is SUPERED over the scene...                                 2010     Suddenly multiple TARGETS appear, charging.     BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA!  First TARGET down!     RILEY, panning for the next target, holdsfire, passes over two      MOTHERS HOLDING CHILDREN, pans for a nearby SOLDIER TARGET.  But     the SOLDIER TARGET zips behind the MOTHERS HOLDING CHILDREN,     taking cover, weapon pointed atRILEY.     For half a second RILEY hesitates!     BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA!  TODD blazes away, mercilessly blowing away     the MOTHERS HOLDING CHILDREN TARGET and the SOLDIERTARGET.                          THE MAIN TITLE APPEARS     as the ROAR OF GUNS gives way to MUSIC...                                                       CUT TO:     INT.  PROCESSING ROOM -DAY     Skillful hands operate a tattoo pen, stenciling an insignia and     a number on the left side of RILEY'S face over the cheekbone.     His cheek says RILEY, L.B., his face reveals nothingas...                          OPENING CREDITS BEGIN     The next face is TODD.  The skillful hands with the tattoo pen go     to work on his face, marking, stenciling the skin as...                       OPENINGCREDITS CONTINUE     Then the tattoo artist's bands finish with TODD and move on to     the next MAN, leaving TODD staring straight ahead, his cheek     tattooed, his face like carved stone, his eyes asunfathomable as     the eyes of a statue as THE OPENING CREDITS CONCLUDE.                                                       CUT TO:     EXT.  JUNGLE - DAY     Machinegun fire, SOLDIERS in cammiesmoving through lush tropical      growth.     A mortar explodes, a SOLDIER is engulfed in shrapnel.  As the     smoke clears, the SOLDIER screams mindlessly like a siren.  This     is real war, not training.     A title anddate appear on the screen, saying...                       2011, THE BOLIVIAN WAR     As the title fades, we glimpse TODD advancing at a crouch through     smoke and enemy fire, blazing away at the unseenenemy.  Sweaty     and smudged, his uniform torn and stained with blood, TODD     reveals nothing on his stone face.  But he's clearly     unintimidated by the death of his screaming comrade aswe...                                                       CUT TO:     EXT.  PINE WOODS - DAY     Automatic weapons CHATTER as TODD struggles through thick snowy     woods, half-carrying a bloody comradebarely recognizable as     RILEY.  Bullets spatter bark and leaves as TODD and RILEY take     cover behind a fallen log.  A date and title appear, SUPERED over     the action...                    2012, THE MONTANA"INCIDENT"     RILEY is nearly unconscious.  TODD glances at his own wound, a     savage opening in his side.  He considers the torn flesh as      dispassionately as a man checking a flea bite.     Bullets whizaround the wounded man as we...                                                       CUT TO:     EXT.  DESERT, VILLAGE - DAY     Sunbaked landscape, a burning village, ENEMY CORPSES sprawled     here andthere, burned or horribly mutilated by artillery fire.      SUPERED over the corpses, a date and title...                    2014-2016, THE SAUDI CAMPAIGN     WE DISCOVER TODD, RILEY, and several OTHERSOLDIERS, exhausted,     parched, in torn and bloodied uniforms, sharing a single canteen     under the blazing sun.  War is hard work!                                                       CUT TO:     EXT.  LAUNCHPAD - DAY     A fury of flames, the THUNDER of ignition as huge rocket engines     lift a space vehicle off the launching pad and propel it skyward.     EXT.  OUTER SPACE     Profound SILENCE!  The spacevehicle that the rocket propelled is     a weathered looking military spaceship gliding through the     blackness of outer space like a huge shark.  A date and title     appear SUPERED over thescene...                          2017, TANNHAUSER GATE     As the title fades away in the eerie silence, we...                                                       CUT TO:     EXT.  ANOTHER PLANET -NIGHT     A huge moon looms in the blackness above a barely visible     landscape...                    2020, THE ARGENTINE SECTOR     SIX SOLDIERS stagger through the rough terrain in pressure


ï»¿The Project Gutenberg EBook of This Side of Paradise, by F. Scott FitzgeraldThis eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and withalmost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away orre-useit under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License includedwith this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.orgTitle: This Side of ParadiseAuthor: F. Scott FitzgeraldPosting Date: August 6, 2008 [EBook #805]ReleaseDate: February, 1997[Last updated: June 22, 2011]Language: English*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THIS SIDE OF PARADISE ***Produced by David Reed, and Ken ReederTHIS SIDE OFPARADISEBy F. Scott Fitzgerald      ... Well this side of Paradise!...       There's little comfort in the wise.                              --Rupert Brooke.       Experience is the name so many people       give to theirmistakes.                              --Oscar Wilde.             To SIGOURNEY FAYCONTENTS     BOOK ONE: The Romantic Egotist      1.   AMORY, SON OF BEATRICE      2.   SPIRES AND GARGOYLES      3.   THE EGOTISTCONSIDERS      4.   NARCISSUS OFF DUTY     [INTERLUDE: MAY, 1917-FEBRUARY, 1919. ]     BOOK TWO: The Education of a Personage      1.   THE DEBUTANTE      2.   EXPERIMENTS INCONVALESCENCE      3.   YOUNG IRONY      4.   THE SUPERCILIOUS SACRIFICE      5.   THE EGOTIST BECOMES A PERSONAGEBOOK ONE--The Romantic EgotistCHAPTER 1. Amory, Son of BeatriceAmory Blaineinherited from his mother every trait, except thestray inexpressible few, that made him worth while. His father, anineffectual, inarticulate man with a taste for Byron and a habit ofdrowsing over the EncyclopediaBritannica, grew wealthy at thirtythrough the death of two elder brothers, successful Chicago brokers, andin the first flush of feeling that the world was his, went to Bar Harborand met Beatrice O'Hara. In consequence,Stephen Blaine handed down toposterity his height of just under six feet and his tendency to waver atcrucial moments, these two abstractions appearing in his son Amory.For many years he hovered in the backgroundof his family's life, anunassertive figure with a face half-obliterated by lifeless, silky hair,continually occupied in "taking care" of his wife, continually harassedby the idea that he didn't and couldn't understand her.ButBeatrice Blaine! There was a woman! Early pictures taken on herfather's estate at Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, or in Rome at the SacredHeart Convent--an educational extravagance that in her youth was onlyfor thedaughters of the exceptionally wealthy--showed the exquisitedelicacy of her features, the consummate art and simplicity of herclothes. A brilliant education she had--her youth passed in renaissanceglory, she wasversed in the latest gossip of the Older Roman Families;known by name as a fabulously wealthy American girl to Cardinal Vitoriand Queen Margherita and more subtle celebrities that one must have hadsome cultureeven to have heard of. She learned in England to preferwhiskey and soda to wine, and her small talk was broadened in two sensesduring a winter in Vienna. All in all Beatrice O'Hara absorbed thesort of education thatwill be quite impossible ever again; a tutelagemeasured by the number of things and people one could be contemptuous ofand charming about; a culture rich in all arts and traditions, barren ofall ideas, in the last ofthose days when the great gardener clipped theinferior roses to produce one perfect bud.In her less important moments she returned to America, met StephenBlaine and married him--this almost entirely because shewas a littlebit weary, a little bit sad. Her only child was carried througha tiresome season and brought into the world on a spring day inninety-six.When Amory was five he was already a delightful companion for her.Hewas an auburn-haired boy, with great, handsome eyes which he would growup to in time, a facile imaginative mind and a taste for fancy dress.From his fourth to his tenth year he did the country with his motherinher father's private car, from Coronado, where his mother became sobored that she had a nervous breakdown in a fashionable hotel, down toMexico City, where she took a mild, almost epidemic consumption.Thistrouble pleased her, and later she made use of it as an intrinsic partof her atmosphere--especially after several astounding bracers.So, while more or less fortunate little rich boys were defyinggovernesses on thebeach at Newport, or being spanked or tutored or readto from "Do and Dare," or "Frank on the Mississippi," Amory was bitingacquiescent bell-boys in the Waldorf, outgrowing a natural repugnanceto chamber music andsymphonies, and deriving a highly specializededucation from his mother."Amory.""Yes, Beatrice." (Such a quaint name for his mother; she encouraged it.)"Dear, don't _think_ of getting out of bed yet. I've alwayssuspectedthat early rising in early life makes one nervous. Clothilde is havingyour breakfast brought up.""All right.""I am feeling very old to-day, Amory," she would sigh, her face a rarecameo of pathos, her voiceexquisitely modulated, her hands as facileas Bernhardt's. "My nerves are on edge--on edge. We must leave thisterrifying place to-morrow and go searching for sunshine."Amory's penetrating green eyes would look outthrough tangled hair athis mother. Even at this age he had no illusions about her."Amory.""Oh, _yes_.""I want you to take a red-hot bath as hot as you can bear it, and justrelax your nerves. You can read in the tub ifyou wish."She fed him sections of the "Fetes Galantes" before he was ten; ateleven he could talk glibly, if rather reminiscently, of Brahms andMozart and Beethoven. One afternoon, when left alone in the hotel atHotSprings, he sampled his mother's apricot cordial, and as the tastepleased him, he became quite tipsy. This was fun for a while, buthe essayed a cigarette in his exaltation, and succumbed to a vulgar,plebeian reaction.Though this incident horrified Beatrice, it alsosecretly amused her and became part of what in a later generation wouldhave been termed her "line.""This son of mine," he heard her tell a room full of awestruck,admiringwomen one day, "is entirely sophisticated and quite charming--butdelicate--we're all delicate; _here_, you know." Her hand was radiantlyoutlined against her beautiful bosom; then sinking her voice toawhisper, she told them of the apricot cordial. They rejoiced, for shewas a brave raconteuse, but many were the keys turned in sideboard locksthat night against the possible defection of little Bobby or Barbara....Thesedomestic pilgrimages were invariably in state; two maids, theprivate car, or Mr. Blaine when available, and very often a physician.When Amory had the whooping-cough four disgusted specialists glared ateach otherhunched around his bed; when he took scarlet fever the numberof attendants, including physicians and nurses, totalled fourteen.However, blood being thicker than broth, he was pulled through.The Blaines wereattached to no city. They were the Blaines of LakeGeneva; they had quite enough relatives to serve in place of friends,and an enviable standing from Pasadena to Cape Cod. But Beatrice grewmore and more prone tolike only new acquaintances, as there werecertain stories, such as the history of her constitution and its manyamendments, memories of her years abroad, that it was necessary forher to repeat at regular intervals. LikeFreudian dreams, they must bethrown off, else they would sweep in and lay siege to her nerves. ButBeatrice was critical about American women, especially the floatingpopulation of ex-Westerners."They have accents,my dear," she told Amory, "not Southern accentsor Boston accents, not an accent attached to any locality, just anaccent"--she became dreamy. "They pick up old, moth-eaten London accentsthat are down on their luckand have to be used by some one. They talkas an English butler might after several years in a Chicago grand-operacompany." She became almost incoherent--"Suppose--time in every Westernwoman's life--she feelsher husband is prosperous enough for her tohave--accent--they try to impress _me_, my dear--"Though she thought of her body as a mass of frailties, she consideredher soul quite as ill, and therefore important in herlife. She hadonce been a Catholic, but discovering that priests were infinitely moreattentive when she was in process of losing or regaining faith in MotherChurch, she maintained an enchantingly wavering attitude. Oftenshedeplored the bourgeois quality of the American Catholic clergy, and wasquite sure that had she lived in the shadow of the great Continentalcathedrals her soul would still be a thin flame on the mighty altar ofRome.Still, next to doctors, priests were her favorite sport."Ah, Bishop Wiston," she would declare, "I do not want to talk ofmyself. I can imagine the stream of hysterical women fluttering at yourdoors, beseeching you to besimpatico"--then after an interlude filledby the clergyman--"but my mood--is--oddly dissimilar."Only to bishops and above did she divulge her clerical romance. When shehad first returned to her country there had beena pagan, Swinburnianyoung man in Asheville, for whose passionate kisses and unsentimentalconversations she had taken a decided penchant--they had discussedthe matter pro and con with an intellectual romancingquite devoid ofsappiness. Eventually she had decided to marry for background, and theyoung pagan from Asheville had gone through a spiritual crisis, joinedthe Catholic Church, and was now--Monsignor Darcy."Indeed,Mrs. Blaine, he is still delightful company--quite thecardinal's right-hand man.""Amory will go to him one day, I know," breathed the beautiful lady,"and Monsignor Darcy will understand him as he understoodme."Amory became thirteen, rather tall and slender, and more than ever on tohis Celtic mother. He had tutored occasionally--the idea being that hewas to "keep up," at each place "taking up the work where he leftoff,"yet as no tutor ever found the place he left off, his mind was still invery good shape. What a few more years of this life would have made ofhim is problematical. However, four hours out from land, Italy bound,withBeatrice, his appendix burst, probably from too many meals in bed,and after a series of frantic telegrams to Europe and America, to theamazement of the passengers the great ship slowly wheeled around andreturnedto New York to deposit Amory at the pier. You will admit thatif it was not life it was magnificent.After the operation Beatrice had a nervous breakdown that bore asuspicious resemblance to delirium tremens, and Amorywas left inMinneapolis, destined to spend the ensuing two years with his aunt anduncle. There the crude, vulgar air of Western civilization first catcheshim--in his underwear, so to speak.          *****A KISS FORAMORYHis lip curled when he read it.  "I am going to have a bobbing party," it said, "on Thursday,  December the seventeenth, at five o'clock, and I would like it  very much if you could come.                        Yourstruly,  R.S.V.P.                                     Myra St. Claire.He had been two months in Minneapolis, and his chief struggle had beenthe concealing from "the other guys at school" how particularly superiorhe felt himself tobe, yet this conviction was built upon shiftingsands. He had shown off one day in French class (he was in senior Frenchclass) to the utter confusion of Mr. Reardon, whose accent Amory damnedcontemptuously, and tothe delight of the class. Mr. Reardon, who hadspent several weeks in Paris ten years before, took his revenge on theverbs, whenever he had his book open. But another time Amory showed offin history class, with quitedisastrous results, for the boys therewere his own age, and they shrilled innuendoes at each other all thefollowing week:"Aw--I b'lieve, doncherknow, the Umuricun revolution was _lawgely_ anaffair of the middul_clawses_," or"Washington came of very good blood--aw, quite good--I b'lieve."Amory ingeniously tried to retrieve himself by blundering on purpose.Two years before he had commenced a history of the United Stateswhich,though it only got as far as the Colonial Wars, had been pronounced byhis mother completely enchanting.His chief disadvantage lay in athletics, but as soon as he discoveredthat it was the touchstone of powerand popularity at school, he beganto make furious, persistent efforts to excel in the winter sports, andwith his ankles aching and bending in spite of his efforts, he skatedvaliantly around the Lorelie rink every afternoon,wondering how soonhe would be able to carry a hockey-stick without getting it inexplicablytangled in his skates.The invitation to Miss Myra St. Claire's bobbing party spent the morningin his coat pocket, where it had anintense physical affair with a dustypiece of peanut brittle. During the afternoon he brought it to lightwith a sigh, and after some consideration and a preliminary draft in theback of Collar and Daniel's "First-Year Latin,"composed an answer:  My dear Miss St. Claire:  Your truly charming envitation for the evening of next Thursday  evening was truly delightful to receive this morning.  I will be  charm and inchanted indeed to presentmy compliments on next  Thursday evening.                          Faithfully,                                          Amory Blaine.          *****On Thursday, therefore, he walked pensively along the slippery,shovel-scrapedsidewalks, and came in sight of Myra's house, on thehalf-hour after five, a lateness which he fancied his mother wouldhave favored. He waited on the door-step with his eyes nonchalantlyhalf-closed, and planned hisentrance with precision. He would crossthe floor, not too hastily, to Mrs. St. Claire, and say with exactly thecorrect modulation:"My _dear_ Mrs. St. Claire, I'm _frightfully_ sorry to be late, but mymaid"--he pausedthere and realized he would be quoting--"but my uncleand I had to see a fella--Yes, I've met your enchanting daughter atdancing-school."Then he would shake hands, using that slight, half-foreign bow, with allthestarchy little females, and nod to the fellas who would be standing'round, paralyzed into rigid groups for mutual protection.A butler (one of the three in Minneapolis) swung open the door. Amorystepped inside anddivested himself of cap and coat. He was mildlysurprised not to hear the shrill squawk of conversation from the nextroom, and he decided it must be quite formal. He approved of that--as heapproved of the butler."MissMyra," he said.To his surprise the butler grinned horribly."Oh, yeah," he declared, "she's here." He was unaware that his failureto be cockney was ruining his standing. Amory considered him coldly."But," continued thebutler, his voice rising unnecessarily, "she's theonly one what _is_ here. The party's gone."Amory gasped in sudden horror."What?""She's been waitin' for Amory Blaine. That's you, ain't it? Her mothersays that if youshowed up by five-thirty you two was to go after 'em inthe Packard."Amory's despair was crystallized by the appearance of Myra herself,bundled to the ears in a polo coat, her face plainly sulky, her voicepleasant onlywith difficulty."'Lo, Amory.""'Lo, Myra." He had described the state of his vitality."Well--you _got_ here, _any_ways.""Well--I'll tell you. I guess you don't know about the auto accident,"he romanced.Myra's eyes openedwide."Who was it to?""Well," he continued desperately, "uncle 'n aunt 'n I.""Was any one _killed?_"Amory paused and then nodded."Your uncle?"--alarm."Oh, no just a horse--a sorta gray horse."At this point the Ersebutler snickered."Probably killed the engine," he suggested. Amory would have put him onthe rack without a scruple."We'll go now," said Myra coolly. "You see, Amory, the bobs were orderedfor five and everybody washere, so we couldn't wait--""Well, I couldn't help it, could I?""So mama said for me to wait till ha'past five. We'll catch the bobsbefore it gets to the Minnehaha Club, Amory."Amory's shredded poise dropped from him.He pictured the happy partyjingling along snowy streets, the appearance of the limousine, thehorrible public descent of him and Myra before sixty reproachful eyes,his apology--a real one this time. He sighedaloud."What?" inquired Myra."Nothing. I was just yawning. Are we going to _surely_ catch up with 'embefore they get there?" He was encouraging a faint hope that they mightslip into the Minnehaha Club and meet theothers there, be found inblasÃ© seclusion before the fire and quite regain his lost attitude."Oh, sure Mike, we'll catch 'em all right--let's hurry."He became conscious of his stomach. As they stepped into the machinehehurriedly slapped the paint of diplomacy over a rather box-like planhe had conceived. It was based upon some "trade-lasts" gleaned atdancing-school, to the effect that he was "awful good-looking and_English_, sortof.""Myra," he said, lowering his voice and choosing his words carefully,"I beg a thousand pardons. Can you ever forgive me?" She regardedhim gravely, his intent green eyes, his mouth, that to herthirteen-year-old,arrow-collar taste was the quintessence of romance.Yes, Myra could forgive him very easily."Why--yes--sure."He looked at her again, and then dropped his eyes. He had lashes."I'm awful," he said sadly. "I'm diff'runt. Idon't know why I make fauxpas. 'Cause I don't care, I s'pose." Then, recklessly: "I been smokingtoo much. I've got t'bacca heart."Myra pictured an all-night tobacco debauch, with Amory pale and reelingfrom the effectof nicotined lungs. She gave a little gasp."Oh, _Amory_, don't smoke. You'll stunt your _growth!_""I don't care," he persisted gloomily. "I gotta. I got the habit. I'vedone a lot of things that if my fambly knew"--hehesitated, giving herimagination time to picture dark horrors--"I went to the burlesque showlast week."Myra was quite overcome. He turned the green eyes on her again. "You'rethe only girl in town I like much," heexclaimed in a rush of sentiment."You're simpatico."Myra was not sure that she was, but it sounded stylish though vaguelyimproper.Thick dusk had descended outside, and as the limousine made a suddenturn she wasjolted against him; their hands touched."You shouldn't smoke, Amory," she whispered. "Don't you know that?"He shook his head."Nobody cares."Myra hesitated."_I_ care."Something stirred within Amory."Oh, yes, youdo! You got a crush on Froggy Parker. I guess everybodyknows that.""No, I haven't," very slowly.A silence, while Amory thrilled. There was something fascinating aboutMyra, shut away here cosily from the dim, chill air.Myra, a littlebundle of clothes, with strands of yellow hair curling out from underher skating cap."Because I've got a crush, too--" He paused, for he heard in thedistance the sound of young laughter, and, peeringthrough the frostedglass along the lamp-lit street, he made out the dark outline of thebobbing party. He must act quickly. He reached over with a violent,jerky effort, and clutched Myra's hand--her thumb, to beexact."Tell him to go to the Minnehaha straight," he whispered. "I wanta talkto you--I _got_ to talk to you."Myra made out the party ahead, had an instant vision of her mother, andthen--alas for convention--glancedinto the eyes beside. "Turn down thisside street, Richard, and drive straight to the Minnehaha Club!" shecried through the speaking tube. Amory sank back against the cushionswith a sigh of relief."I can kiss her," hethought. "I'll bet I can. I'll _bet_ I can!"Overhead the sky was half crystalline, half misty, and the night aroundwas chill and vibrant with rich tension. From the Country Club steps theroads stretched away, dark creaseson the white blanket; huge heaps ofsnow lining the sides like the tracks of giant moles. They lingered fora moment on the steps, and watched the white holiday moon."Pale moons like that one"--Amory made a vaguegesture--"make peoplemysterieuse. You look like a young witch with her cap off and her hairsorta mussed"--her hands clutched at her hair--"Oh, leave it, it looks_good_."They drifted up the stairs and Myra led the wayinto the little den ofhis dreams, where a cosy fire was burning before a big sink-down couch.A few years later this was to be a great stage for Amory, a cradle formany an emotional crisis. Now they talked for a momentabout bobbingparties."There's always a bunch of shy fellas," he commented, "sitting at thetail of the bob, sorta lurkin' an' whisperin' an' pushin' each otheroff. Then there's always some crazy cross-eyed girl"--he gaveaterrifying imitation--"she's always talkin' _hard_, sorta, to thechaperon.""You're such a funny boy," puzzled Myra."How d'y' mean?" Amory gave immediate attention, on his own ground atlast."Oh--always talking aboutcrazy things. Why don't you come ski-ing withMarylyn and I to-morrow?""I don't like girls in the daytime," he said shortly, and then, thinkingthis a bit abrupt, he added: "But I like you." He cleared his throat. "Ilike youfirst and second and third."Myra's eyes became dreamy. What a story this would make to tellMarylyn! Here on the couch with this _wonderful_-looking boy--the littlefire--the sense that they were alone in the great


ï»¿Project Gutenberg's The Spanish Curate, by Francis Beaumont and John FletcherThis eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and withalmost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it awayorre-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License includedwith this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.netTitle: The Spanish Curate       A ComedyAuthor: Francis Beaumont and John FletcherRelease Date:April 25, 2004 [EBook #12141]Language: English*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SPANISH CURATE ***Produced by Jonathan Ingram, Jayam Subramanian and PGDistributedProofreaders     THE SPANISH CURATE,     A COMEDY.       *       *       *       *       *     Persons Represented in the Play.     Don Henrique, _an uxorious Lord,     cruel to his Brother_.     Don Jamie, _youngerBrother to_ Don     Henrique.     Bartolus, _a covetous Lawyer Husband     to_ Amaranta.     Leandro, _a Gentleman who wantonly     loves the Lawyers Wife_.     Angelo, } _Three Gentlemen Friend[s]_     Milanes,}_to_ Leandro.     Arsenio,}     Ascanio, _Son to_ Don Henrique.     Octavio, _supposed Husband to_ Jacintha.     Lopez, _the_ Spanish Curate.     Diego, _his Sexton_.     Assistant, _which we call a Judge_.     Algazeirs,_whom we call Serjeants_.     4 Parishioners.     Apparitor.     Singers.     Servants.     _WOMEN_.     Violante, _supposed Wife to_ Don     Henrique.     Jacintha, _formerly contracted to_ Don     Henrique.     Amaranta,_Wife to_ Bartolus.     A Woman Moor, _Servant to_ Amaranta.       *       *       *       *       *     _The Scene_ Spain.       *       *       *       *       *     The principal Actors were,     Joseph Taylor.  } {WilliamEglestone.     John Lowin.     } {Thomas Polard.     Nicholas Toolie.} {Robert Benfeild.       *       *       *       *       *     Actus primus. Scena prima.       *       *       *       *       *     _Enter_ Angelo, Milanes, _and_Arsenio.     _Arsenio.     Leandro_ paid all.     _Mil_.     'Tis his usual custom,     And requisite he should: he has now put off     The Funeral black, (your rich heir wears with joy,     When he pretends to weep for hisdead Father)     Your gathering Sires, so long heap muck together,     That their kind Sons, to rid them of their care,     Wish them in Heaven; or if they take a taste     Of Purgatory by the way, it mattersnot,     Provided they remove hence; what is befaln     To his Father, in the other world, I ask not;     I am sure his prayer is heard: would I could use one     For mine, in the same method.     _Ars_.     Fie uponthee.     This is prophane.     _Mil_.     Good Doctor, do not school me     For a fault you are not free from: On my life     Were all Heirs in _Corduba_, put to their Oaths,     They would confess with me, 'tis a soundTenet:     I am sure _Leandro_ do's.     _Ars_.     He is th'owner     Of a fair Estate.     _Mil_.     And fairly he deserves it,     He's a Royal Fellow: yet observes a mean     In all his courses, careful too on whom     Heshowers his bounties: he that's liberal     To all alike, may do a good by chance,     But never out of Judgment: This invites     The prime men of the City to frequent     All places he resorts to, and are happy     In hissweet Converse.     _Ars.     Don Jamie_ the Brother     To the Grandee _Don Henrique_, appears much taken     With his behaviour.     _Mil_.     There is something more in't:     He needs his Purse, and knows how tomake use on't.     'Tis now in fashion for your _Don_, that's poor,     To vow all Leagues of friendship with a Merchant     That can supply his wants, and howsoe're     _Don Jamie's_ noble born, his elder Brother     _DonHenrique_ rich, and his Revenues long since     Encreas'd by marrying with a wealthy Heir     Call'd, Madam _Vi[o]lante_, he yet holds     A hard hand o're _Jamie_, allowing him     A bare annuity only.     _Ars_.     Yet'tis said     He hath no child, and by the Laws of _Spain_     If he die without issue, _Don Jamie_     Inherits his Estate.     _Mil_.     Why that's the reason     Of their so many jarrs: though the young Lord     Be sick ofthe elder Brother, and in reason     Should flatter, and observe him, he's of a nature     Too bold and fierce, to stoop so, but bears up,     Presuming on his hopes.     _Ars_.     What's the young Lad     That all of 'emmake so much of?     _Mil._     'Tis a sweet one,     And the best condition'd youth, I ever saw yet,     So humble, and so affable, that he wins     The love of all that know him, and so modest,     That (in despight ofpoverty) he would starve     Rather than ask a courtesie: He's the Son     Of a poor cast-Captain, one _Octavio_;     And She, that once was call'd th'fair _Jacinta_,     Is happy in being his Mother: for hissake,     _Enter_ Jamie, Leandro, _and_ Ascanio.     (Though in their Fortunes faln) they are esteem'd of,     And cherish'd by the best. O here they come.     I now may spare his Character, but observe him,     He'ljustifie my report.     _Jam_.     My good _Ascanio_,     Repair more often to me: above Women     Thou ever shalt be welcome.     _Asc_.     My Lord your favours     May quickly teach a raw untutour'd Youth     To beboth rude and sawcy.     _Lean_.     You cannot be     Too frequent where you are so much desir'd:     And give me leave (dear friend) to be your Rival     In part of his affection; I will buy it     At anyrate.     _Jam_.     Stood I but now possess'd     Of what my future hope presages to me,     I then would make it clear thou hadst a Patron     That would not say but do: yet as I am,     Be mine, I'le not receive thee asa servant,     But as my Son, (and though I want my self)     No Page attending in the Court of _Spain_     Shall find a kinder master.     _Asc_.     I beseech you     That my refusal of so great an offer     May make no illconstruction, 'tis not pride     (That common vice is far from my condition)     That makes you a denyal to receive     A favour I should sue for: nor the fashion     Which the Country follows, in which to be a servant     Inthose that groan beneath the heavy weight     Of poverty, is held an argument     Of a base abject mind, I wish my years     Were fit to do you service in a nature     That might become a Gentleman (give meleave     To think my self one) My Father serv'd the King     As a Captain in the field; and though his fortune     Return'd him home a poor man, he was rich     In Reputation, and wounds fairly taken.     Nor am I by hisill success deterr'd,     I rather feel a strong desire that sways me     To follow his profession, and if Heaven     Hath mark'd me out to be a man, how proud,     In the service of my Country, should I be,     To trail a Pikeunder your brave command!     There, I would follow you as a guide to honour,     Though all the horrours of the War made up     To stop my passage.     _Jam_.     Thou art a hopeful Boy,     And it was bravely spoken:For this answer,     I love thee more than ever.     _Mil_.     Pity such seeds     Of promising courage should not grow and prosper.     _Ang_.     What ever his reputed Parents be,     He hath a mind that speaks himright and noble.     _Lean_.     You make him blush; it needs not sweet _Ascanio_,     We may hear praises when they are deserv'd,     Our modesty unwounded. By my life     I would add something to the buildingup     So fair a mind, and if till you are fit     To bear Arms in the Field, you'l spend some years     In _Salamanca_, I'le supply your studies     With all conveniences.     _Asc_.     Your goodness (Signiors)     Andcharitable favours overwhelm me.     If I were of your blood, you could not be     More tender of me: what then can I pay     (A poor Boy and a stranger) but a heart     Bound to your service? with what willingness     Iwould receive (good Sir) your noble offer,     Heaven can bear witness for me: but alas,     Should I embrace the means to raise my fortunes,     I must destroy the lives of my poor Parents     (To who[m] I ow mybeing) they in me     Place all their comforts, and (as if I were     The light of their dim eyes) are so indulgent     They cannot brook one short dayes absence from me;     And (what will hardly win belief) thoughyoung,     I am their Steward and their Nurse: the bounties     Which others bestow on me serves to sustain 'em,     And to forsake them in their age, in me     Were more than Murther.     _Enter_Henrique.     _Aug_.     This is a kind of begging     Would make a Broker charitable.     _Mil_.     Here, (sweet heart)     I wish it were more.     _Lean_.     When this is spent,     Seek for supply fromme.     _Jam_.     Thy piety     For ever be remembred: nay take all,     Though 'twere my exhibition to a Royal     For one whole year.     _Asc_.     High Heavens reward your goodness.     _Hen_.     So Sir, is this a slipof your own grafting,     You are so prodigal?     _Jam_.     A slip Sir?     _Hen_.     Yes,     A slip; or call it by the proper name,     Your Bastard.     _Jam_.     You are foul-mouth'd; do not provoke me,     I shall forgetyour Birth if you proceed,     And use you, (as your manners do deserve) uncivilly.     _Hen_.     So brave! pray you give me hearing,     Who am I Sir?     _Jam_.     My elder Brother: One     That might have been borna fool, and so reputed,     But that you had the luck to creep into     The world a year before me.     _Lean_.     Be more temperate.     _Jam_.     I neither can nor will, unless I learn it     By his example: let him use hisharsh     Unsavoury reprehensions upon those     That are his Hinds, and not on me. The Land     Our Father left to him alone rewards him,     For being twelve months elder, let that be     Forgotten, and let hisParasites remember     One quality of worth or vertue in him     That may authorize him, to be a censurer     Of me, or my manners, and I will     Acknowledge him for a Tutor, till then, never.     _Hen_.     From whomhave you your means Sir?     _Jam_.     From the will     Of my dead Father; I am sure I spend not     Nor give't upon your purse.     _Hen.     But will it hold out     Without my help?     _Jam_.     I am sure it shall, I'lesink else,     For sooner I will seek aid from a Whore,     Than a courtesie from you.     _Hen_.     'Tis well; you are proud of     Your new Exchequer, when you have cheated him     And worn him to the quick, I may befound     In the List of your acquaintance.     _Lean_     Pray you hold     And give me leave (my Lord) to say thus much     (And in mine own defence) I am no Gull     To be wrought on by perswasion: nor noCoward     To be beaten out of my means, but know to whom     And why I give or lend, and will do nothing     But what my reason warrants; you may be     As sparing as you please, I must be bold     To make use ofmy own, without your licence.     _Jam_.     'Pray thee let him alone, he is not worth thy anger.     All that he do's (_Leandro_) is for my good,     I think there's not a Gentleman of _Spain_,     That has a betterSteward, than I have of him.     _Hen_.     Your Steward Sir?     _Jam_.     Yes, and a provident one:     Why, he knows I am given to large expence,     And therefore lays up for me: could you believe else     That he,that sixteen years hath worn the yoke     Of barren wedlock, without hope of issue     (His Coffers full, his Lands and Vineyards fruitful)     Could be so sold to base and sordid thrift,     As almost to deny himself, themeans     And necessaries of life? Alas, he knows     The Laws of _Spain_ appoint me for his Heir,     That all must come to me, if I out-live him,     Which sure I must do, by the course of Nature,     And the assistanceof good Mirth, and Sack,     How ever you prove Melancholy.     _Hen_.     If I live,     Thou dearly shalt repent this.     _Jam_.     When thou art dead,     I am sure I shall not.     _Mil_.     Now they begin to burn     Likeoppos'd Meteors.     _Ars_.     Give them line, and way,     My life for _Don Jamie_.     _Jam_.     Continue still     The excellent Husband, and joyn Farm to Farm,     Suffer no Lordship, that in a clear day     Falls in theprospect of your covetous eye     To be anothers; forget you are a Grandee;     Take use upon use, and cut the throats of Heirs     With cozening Mortgages: rack your poor Tenants,     Till they look like so manySkeletons     For want of Food; and when that Widows curses,     The ruines of ancient Families, tears of Orphans     Have hurried you to the Devil, ever remember     All was rak'd up for me (your thankfulBrother)     That will dance merrily upon your Grave,     And perhaps give a double Pistolet     To some poor needy Frier, to say a Mass     To keep your Ghost from walking.     _Hen_.     That the Law     Should force meto endure this!     _Jam_.     Verily,     When this shall come to pass (as sure it will)     If you can find a loop-hole, though in Hell,     To look on my behaviour, you shall see me     Ransack your Iron Chests, and onceagain     _Pluto's_ flame-colour'd Daughter shall be free     To domineer in Taverns, Masques, and Revels     As she was us'd before she was your Captive.     Me thinks the meer conceipt of it, should make you     Gohome sick, and distemper'd; if it do's,     I'le send you a Doctor of mine own, and after     Take order for your Funeral.     _Hen_.     You have said, Sir,     I will not fight with words, but deeds to tame you,     Restconfident I will, and thou shalt wish     This day thou hadst been dumb.--                                               [_Exit_.     _Mil_.     You have given him a heat,     But with your own distemper.     _Jam_.     Not awhit,     Now he is from mine eye, I can be merry,     Forget the cause and him: all plagues go with him,     Let's talk of something else: what news is stirring?     Nothing to pass the time?     _Mil_.     'Faith it issaid     That the next Summer will determine much     Of that we long have talk'd of, touching the Wars.     _Lean_.     What have we to do with them? Let us discourse     Of what concerns our selves. 'Tis now infashion     To have your Gallants set down in a Tavern,     What the Arch-Dukes purpose is the next spring, and what     Defence my Lords (the States) prepare: what course     The Emperour takes against theencroaching Turk,     And whether his Moony-standards are design'd     For _Persia_ or _Polonia_: and all this     The wiser sort of State-Worms seem to know     Better than their own affairs: this is discourse     Fit forthe Council it concerns; we are young,     And if that I might give the Theme, 'twere better     To talk of handsome Women.     _Mil_.     And that's one,     Almost as general.     _Ars_.     Yet none agree     Who are thefairest.     _Lean_.     Some prefer the _French_,     For their conceited Dressings: some the plump     _Italian Bona-Robas_, some the State     That ours observe; and I have heard one swear,     (A merry friend ofmine) that once in _London_,     He did enjoy the company of a Gamester,     (A common Gamester too) that in one night     Met him th' _Italian, French_, and _Spanish_ wayes,     And ended in the _Dutch_; for tocool her self,     She kiss'd him drunk in the morning.     _Fam_.     We may spare     The travel of our tongues in forraign Nations,     When in _Corduba_, if you dare give credit     To my report (for I have seen her,Gallants)     There lives a Woman (of a mean birth too,     And meanly match'd) whose all-excelling Form     Disdains comparison with any She     That puts in for a fair one, and though you borrow     From everyCountry of the Earth the best     Of those perfections, which the Climat yields     To help to make her up, if put in Ballance,     This will weigh down the Scale.     _Lean_.     You talk of wonders.     _Jam_.     She isindeed a wonder, and so kept,     And, as the world deserv'd not to behold     What curious Nature made without a pattern,     Whose Copy she hath lost too, she's shut up,     Sequestred from theworld.     _Lean_.     Who is the owner     Of such a Jem? I am fire'd.     _Jam_.     One _Bartolus_,     A wrangling Advocate.     _Ars_.     A knave on Record.     _Mil_.     I am sure he cheated me of the best part     Ofmy Estate.     _Jam_.     Some Business calls me hence,     (And of importance) which denies me leisure     To give you his full character: In few words     (Though rich) he's covetous beyond expression,     And toencrease his heap, will dare the Devil,     And all the plagues of darkness: and to these     So jealous, as if you would parallel     Old _Argus_ to him, you must multiply     His Eyes an hundred times: of these nonesleep.     He that would charm the heaviest lid, must hire     A better _Mercurie_, than _Jove_ made use of:     Bless your selves from the thought of him and her,     For 'twill be labour lost: So farewelSigniors.--                                               [_Exit_.     _Ars_.     _Leandro_? in a dream? wake man for shame.     _Mil_.     Trained into a fools paradise with a tale     Of an imagin'd Form.     _Lea_.     _Jamie_ isnoble,     And with a forg'd Tale would not wrong his Friend,     Nor am I so much fir'd with lust as Envie,     That such a churl as _Bartolus_ should reap     So sweet a harvest, half my State to any     To help me to ashare.     _Ars_.     Tush do not hope for     Impossibilities.     _Lea_.     I must enjoy her,     And my prophetique love tells me I shall,     Lend me but your assistance.     _Ars_.     Give it o're.     _Mil_.     I would nothave thee fool'd.     _Lea_. I have strange Engines     Fashioning here: and _Bartolus_ on the Anvil,     Disswade me not, but help me.     _Mil_.     Take your fortune,     If you come off well, praise your wit; ifnot,     Expect to be the subject of our Laughter.                                             [_Exeunt_.     SCENA II.     _Enter_ Octavio, _and_ Jacinta.     _Jac_.     You met _Don Henrique_?     _Oct_.     Yes.     _Jac_.     Whatcomfort bring you?     Speak cheerfully: how did my letter work     On his hard temper? I am sure I wrote it     So feelingly, and with the pen of sorrow,     That it must force Compunction.     _Oct_.     You arecozen'd;     Can you with one hand prop a falling Tower?     Or with the other stop the raging main,     When it breaks in on the usurped shore?     Or any thing that is impossible?     And then conclude that there is someway left,     To move him to compassion.     _Jac_.     Is there a Justice     Or thunder (my _Octavio_) and he     Not sunk unto the center?     _Oct_.     Good _Jacinta_,     With your long practised patience bearafflictions,     And by provoking call not on Heavens anger,     He did not only scorn to read your letter,     But (most inhumane as he is) he cursed you,     Cursed you most bitterly.     _Jac_.     The bad manscharity.     Oh that I could forget there were a Tye,     In me, upon him! or the relief I seek,     (If given) were bounty in him, and not debt,     Debt of a dear accompt!     _Oct_.     Touch not that string,     'Twill butencrease your sorrow: and tame silence,     (The Balm of the oppressed) which hitherto     Hath eas'd your griev'd soul, and preserv'd your fame,     Must be your Surgeon still.     _Jac_.     If the contagion     Of mymisfortunes had not spread it self     Upon my Son _Ascanio_, though my wants     Were centupli'd upon my self, I could be patient:     But he is so good, I so miserable,     His pious care, his duty, andobedience,     And all that can be wish'd for from a Son,     Discharg'd to me, and I, barr'd of all means     To return any scruple of the debt     I owe him as a Mother, is a Torment,     Too painfull to beborn.     _Oct_.     I suffer with you,     In that; yet find in this assurance comfort,     High Heaven ordains (whose purposes cannot alter)     _Enter_ Ascanio.     Children that pay obedience to their Parents,     Shallnever beg their Bread.     _Jac_.     Here comes our joy,     Where has my dearest been?     _Asc_.     I have made, Mother,     A fortunate voyage and brought home rich prize,     In a few hours: the owners toocontented,     From whom I took it. See here's Gold, good store too,     Nay, pray you take it.     _Jac_.     Mens Charities are so cold,     That if I knew not, thou wert made of Goodness,     'Twould breed a jealousie inme by what means,     Thou cam'st by such a sum.     _Asc_.     Were it ill got,     I am sure it could not be employed so well,     As to relieve your wants. Some noble friends,     (Rais'd by heavens mercy to me, not mymerits)     Bestow'd it on me.     _Oct_.     It were a sacriledge     To rob thee of their bounty, since they gave it     To thy use only.     _Jac_. Buy thee brave Cloathes with it     And fit thee for a fortune, and leaveus     To our necessities; why do'st thou weep?     _Asc_.     Out of my fear I have offended you;     For had I not, I am sure you are too kind,     Not to accept the offer of my service,     In which I am a gainer; I haveheard     My tutor say, of all aereal fowl     The Stork's the Embleme of true pietie,     Because when age hath seiz'd upon her dam,     And made unfit for flight, the gratefull young one     Takes her upon his back,provides her food,     Repaying so her tender care of him,     E're he was fit to fly, by bearing her:     Shall I then that have reason and discourse     That tell me all I can doe is too little,     Be more unnatural than a silly


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<title>Ed TV</title>
 ED TV by Lowell Ganz & BabalooMandel Sixth Rewrite July 16,1997  This is the first eRelease for the script of the movie "Ed TV"  This script was scanned, proof read and formatted by Ueli Riegg  eMail: ueli.riegg@gmx.ch; URL:http://studiour.tsx.org  1 INT. HIGH SCHOOL GYMNASIUM - NIGHT The following is shot DOCUMENTARY-STYLE. A GIRLS VOLLEYBALL GAME has just ended. It was a big game. Some kind of championship.ONE TEAM is CELEBRATING -- jumping up and down, squealing and hugging each other. We are focused on the bench of the TEAM TRAT LOST. They're very sad -- several are crying. One girl, in particular, (AMY) isreally sobbing. She's sweat- stained, tired and just blubbering. Stuff's coming out of her eyes, her nose, her mouth and the camera is seeing it all. The COACH, a fortyish man looks at all the weeping girls -- Amy inparticular. COACH You quit! You gave up! He KICKS a CHAIR. Now Amy is really a mess. She's crying, coughing, shaking. COACH (CONT'D) (right in Amy's face) You quit!! The Coach storms off.COACH (CONT'D) Qutters! ... Quitters! Amy is wailing and choking on her own tears. This IMAGE FREEZES. TERRY (V.O.) And that would be it. I don't think you need any narration at all. Just end it rightthere. REVEAL  2 INT. OFFICE - DAY BEGIN CREDITS We're in New York City. We're in the conference room of a modestly successful cable TV station called "Real TV." The people are young,energetic, clever. It's crowded, noisy -the furniture is beaten up, bulletin boards cover the walls, with large index cards all over them. This room is not for show -- work gets done here. SEVEN OR EIGHT PEOPLE arepresent. One of them is CYNTHIA REED. She's the boss. TERRY (to Cynthia) What do you think? CYNTHIA It's horrible, it's depressing, I love it. What else? ALICE I want to re-pitch thatpregnancy idea. Find six women early in their pregnancies and follow them all right through to the births. KEITH (negative) Yeah, when all that stuff comes out. Mixed reactions, mostly negative.CYNTHIA I have an idea. IMMEDIATE ATTENTION CYNTHIA (CONT'D) This is something I've been thinking about for a long time. We're "Real TV" right? I mean that's the name of thestation. AGREEMENT CYNTHIA (CONT'D) So let's go real. We find someone. Just a regular person, someone. And we put their life on television - live... all day long. Silence. No movement at all.CYNTHIA (CONT'D) Calm down. KEITH What do you mean, like PBS did in the seventies? What was that family? GREG The Louds. KEITH Yeah. CYNTHIA No. We go waybeyond that. We don't film it and edit it and put it on later. We go on the air live every morning and the show goes off each night, when our subject goes to bed. In between, we're on live all day, every day - the sameperson, -- for (shrugs) let's say a month. No one is wild for this. Some hate it -- some are unconvinced. FELICIA That's not a show that's a surveillance camera. GREG You can't do that.CYNTHIA The hell we can't. Look, the beauty of being a cable channel is we can take chances. I've thought about this and I'm telling you, I think this can make a noise. A loud one. There are twelve thousandchannels. You've got to do something that says "Look at me!" Hell, people look at fish tanks all day. This is people! (more firmly) Someone's real life -- an TV, all day long - live... And, you know what? I'm doing it.Pause. The others know the argument is over. GREG In that case, we love it. END CREDITS  3 EXT. POOL HALL - DAY A BUS passes. On the bus is an ad. It says, "Would you like to star inyour own TV show? Call Real TV (and a phone number) Coming (and a date)."  4 INT. POOL HALL - NIGHT - PARAMUS NEW JERSEY This is a nice upscale pool hall. A party is in progress in a special privatearea -- a room upstairs let's say -- a loft. Thirty or forty PEOPLE in their twenties and thirties are informally celebrating the engagement of two of their friends. It's NOISY, it's fun, it's informal. It's not a high-end group.By that we mean, not, for the most part young lawyers or stockbrokers. They're mostly blue-collar. Community college graduates. WE OPEN ON ED PEKURNY. He's an attractive man, about thirty. There's still somethinga little juvenile about him -- not stupid, just boyish. SOMEONE is VIDEOTAPING HIM for one of those congratulation montage things that are done at parties these days. Ed is good at this. He's not professional but he's aloosey-goosey guy who's kind of good on camera. ED I want to congratulate Kevin and Tracy on their engagement. I knew you guys were meant for each other from the moment Tracy told us she waspregnant. TRACY You asshole! Everyone else is cracking up. ED (innocently) What? What did I say? TRACY My mother's going to see this!  5 INT. PARTY - LATER Other people arebeing "interviewed" on tape. Ed is SHOOTING POOL with his buddy, JOHN. John's had a couple of drinks. He's a little melancholy. He is looking across the room, thoughtfully. ED What? JOHN Look atthis -- people are getting married, they're getting married... ED You said that. JOHN We're falling behind. Ed waves dismissively. JOHN (CONT'D) You know who we are? ED Tellme. JOHN We're the guys who clean up after the parade. ED I'm gonna stick this right in your eye. JOHN I was at this comedy club last week and this comedian says "If you're over thirtyand your job requires you to wear a name tag, you screwed up your life." And I'm laughing and then I realize I wear a nametag. ED So do I. So what? I'm doing all right. JOHN Your brother'shere. ANGLE ON THE DOOR Ed's brother RAY and Ray's girlfriend SHARI arrive at the party. Shari is pretty in an unglamorous kind of way. They both wave and then Shari goes off to talk to some of theLADIES and Ray joins Ed and John. RAY What's up? ED Where were you? RAY (reluctantly) I was... having dinner with Shari and her parents. JOHN/ED (taunting) Oooh!RAY I'm telling you, it's closing in on me. All of a sudden it's like a thing, it's a whole thing. ED What do you mean all of a sudden? You've been going with her six months. RAY I know. I meanI'm sitting there and her father's asking me about my "career prospects" and I'm playing "Risk," with her kid brother, Leon and at dinner the dog's sniffing at my balls -- at least I hope it was the dog. 'Cause her motherdisappeared for a while. They LAUGH.  6 INT. PARTY - LATER It's getting wild. Some of the girls are dancing raucously. ANGLE ON A TABLE (NOT A POOL TABLE, AN EATING-TABLE) Ed, Ray, John,Shari and maybe another WOMAN. Ray is holding a big tray of SHRIMP BALLS. During the conversation, Ray throws them in the air and catches them in his mouth like popcorn. Once, he even bounces one off the wallinto his mouth. ED You know, those are for everybody. Ray waves dismissively, then gets an idea. RAY Oh! (to Shari) Show them that thing you can do. (to the others) This is great. I just found outshe can do this, her brother told me. (to Shari) Come on. SHARI (thinks it's stupid) I don't - RAY Come on... She hesitates, but she really doesn't mind. Slightly, amused she takes her FIST and fits itcompletely INTO her MOUTH. ED Whoa!! Oh! Ray is cracking up. RAY Is that unbelievable? She removes her hand. SHARI And that concludes today's show. (to Ray) This is where you goaround and collect the money. Ed LAUGHS. Ray gives her a KISS. Shari's roommate RITA sits down. RITA Hi. SHARI You guys know my roommate, Rita. They do, vaguely. ED What's goingon over there? RITA Everybody's making audition tapes for that Real TV thing. JOHN Oh, that thing. Yeah. Did you hear about this? ED (not sure) Yeah, what - they put some schmuck onTV all day long or something? RAY You know, that would be like a great thing. ED What? RAY That! Being that guy. Being the guy they watch. ED What are you drunk?RAY Yeah, but let's stay on one subject. Whoever that person is is going to be famous. They'll be able to get whatever they want. They'll ... trust me, this is my business. ED What is?! RAY Showbusiness. ED You're in show business? RAY Yeah. I service video equipment. ED That's like... those people stitching Nikes in Panama saying they're in the NBA. RAY (insulted) I'mnot stitching Nikes in Panama! ... Bedwetter! ED Thumbsucker! RAY I'm making a tape. ED We're excited.  7 INT. BAR - A FEW MINUTES LATER Ed and Shari, waiting for drinkorders. ED So Ray met the family. SHARI Yeah... ED I hear the dog really liked him. SHARI Oh, the whole family loved him. Of course, they loved the last guy I went out with, andhe strung me along for three years and dumped me. ED Really? You see, to me, you shouldn't have any trouble with men. There should be, like, a line behind you. She takes Ed's beer. SHARI Youshouldn't drink. They LAUGH.  8 INT. TABLE - A LITTLE LATER Ed and Shari ARM-WRESTLING. After a struggle, Ed wins. Ed is impressed. ED Jesus! Shari wrings out her arm and picks up herbeer. SHARI (continuing a previous conversation) And, you know, every guy I ever broke up with, the minute it was over, I could tell you what went wrong, how it went wrong, why it had to go wrong... butwhen I'm in it... lost. I'm like a love coroner. Bring me the corpse, I'11 tell you what killed it. But how to prevent it? Lost. Ed LAUGHS. ED Ray's on. They walk over. ANGLE ON RAY RAY (tocamera) Hi. I'm Ray Pekurney. I'm from Paramus, New Jersey...  9 INT. CYNTHIA'S OFFICE - DAY She's watching Ray's tape. Ray thinks he's funnier and cuter than he is. RAY (ON TAPE) All myfriends tell me "Ray, you've got too much personality for one guy." It's like at a party -- I'm at the center of the attention. Everybody loves me. He gets hit in the face by a hors d'oeuvre. RAY (CONT'D) Ha, ha,ha. I'll kick your ass. No really, let me show you my girlfriend. She's really cute. He reaches out and grabs Shari's wrist. Shari is struggling to stay out of frame. We just see her arm and Ray pulling on it. Ray letsgo. RAY (CONT'D) She's strong, 'cause she's a Fedex girl. She lifts those packages. But she's not dikey at all, she's really pretty. CYNTHIA FAST-FORWARDS WE SEE the camera shooting an emptyspace. Then Ed's head appears sideways right in front of the CAMERA. ED Hello I'm Ed. He starts to sniff. ED (CONT'D) What smells? He steps back from the camera and straightens his head as he