Split (1)

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You're not going back to him, are you? He's my husband, Sean. You deserve better. I know. And the only reason why I haven't been able to get it is because I'm fooling around with his best friend, and I am just as much to blame for my own unhappiness as anybody. And if I'm going to get what I deserve, i need to take a little bit of responsibility, refocus on my marriage... even if that means being completely honest with him. How long you been going behind my back, you cheating bastard? I come in this morning expecting to be waist-deep in double Ds. Instead, I find my 2 bimbos out in the lobby trying to reschedule. Oh, cool your jets. We'll fit your bimbos in. And I promise, this operation won't cost you a Penny. Good to see you, Christian. I don't give a shit about the money. If you're operating on somebody who needs it, that's fine. There's a first. And... and what about him? I mean, where did he come from, huh? Last time we saw each other, you were too embarrassed to say good-bye, and now you're working together in our surgical suite. Curtis said he needed some help, and I jumped at the opportunity. And you just forgot to tell me. Frankly, I didn't think you'd care. Bullshit. You knew exactly what you were doing. Why don't you scrub in? You can help us with these grafts here. No, thank you, Curtis. I have no desire to be around Sean when he's got his tongue so far up your ass. Sorry about that.
Guess you never got around to telling him you're going to be gone to Africa for a month, huh? Sorry to interrupt. We really do need to get a "do not disturb" sign on that door. You know, nurse Linda's come in a couple of times. She needs to take your vitals. That's fine. I'm through. You know, maybe you should go finish off in the bathroom. Really, it's not worth the effort. I've had farts that were more exciting. Why don't we take a look, huh? How's it look? Looks pretty good. Very good, in fact. How's the patient doing? Depressed. That's just the anesthesia wearing off. You'll be fine in a couple of days. Bullshit. I've been rubbing myself raw, fantasizing my ass off. Sex without asphyxiation is about as exciting as... a day without sunshine? Right. I forgot. You liked me better suicidal. Oh, no, no, no. I don't. I mean, I did, but... I don't. I've been having some trouble in my marriage, and I think you might have just... helped it.
She was a little scared at first. Thought I was trying to choke her to death or something. And? It worked. It worked. Probably the greatest orgasm I've ever seen. I mean... And how was it when she did you? Blow your mind or what? No, no, no. I'm better at giving than receiving. Well, it depends what you're receiving. Believe me, if you want to discover your capacity for limitless ecstasy, go beyond what you ever thought possible, get her to return the favor. Your marriage will last forever. Well, I think the neck's coming along fine. As long as you stay off the windpipe for a couple of months, maybe forever, you'll be good. You know what it's like? To have experienced heaven, and now be denied entry? You know, I think I'll get you a couple of girl-on-girl action videos, so I'll talk to my anesthesiologist, get a recommendation. Hey, handsome. Hey, honey. I'm just going to jump on the treadmill before i get some dinner. Hey, not yet. Mm-hmm. What? Come over here. What? Sit. What are you doing? You look like a bitch in heat, Kimmie.
Do i? Yeah. Well, I'm actually a tigress, and you are a tortoise. A tortoise? Mm-hmm. T'thas exciting. I've been reading the kama sutra book. You're not the only creative lover. Oh. I like creative, huh? Why don't you get me off like I got you off? Well, I'm not really into that sort of thing. Come on. Mm-mm. No? But I want you to lay back. Right here. Spread your legs. Mm. Oh. Oh. Give me your hands. Mmm. Come on. Come on. You're the tigress. Come on. Come on. Come on. Oh.
Oh, yeah. Oh, Christian. Oh, that's so good. Oh. Oh! What are you doing? What? You don't come like that with me. That's... but I'm having an orgasm. You faked that. No, I did not. Yes, you did. Bullshit. Filthy old porn trash. Oh, thanks. I'm sorry. This is the only time I've done it, ok? I've never done it before. I promise. And why should I believe that, huh? I've never done that! Well, because I'm not really into the choking thing. It freaks me out. Well, why didn't you just tell me? Because I feel guilty. Guilty? What the hell for? I think that you have made the right decision. There's not much choice.
It's peach or blueberry. I overheard Ryerson on his cell after you 2 worked on that girl the other day. You're going with him to Africa. I just want you to know, I think it's really great. I mean, I do hate you for leaving, but I do understand. And by the way, when the hell were you going to tell me? I mean, should I update my resume? It hasn't sunk in yet. What did Christian say? Haven't told him. Oh. Yet. Ah. Don't say anything, ok? You know, it's funny. After all these years of you changing people, and you being the one who needed it. Shithead was right. Feels like an orgasm everywhere... in my feet, shoulders. Oh, God. Going to come. Get up and take the belt off. Shit. I can't move. There's not enough... I can't feel... I can't breathe. Stand up and take the goddamn belt off. Get up. Get up! Christian?
Christian? Jesus Christ Christian! No. Are you ok? Are you sure you don't want them to come? Did you try and kill yourself? What is it, the choking thing? Honey, if it is, I don't care. I'll do it. I'll do whatever you want. I'll be a slave, if you want. I don't want a slave. I didn't mean it like that. That's not what I meant. Yes, it is. I had this... Moment of clarity before I lost consciousness. You'll never make me happy. I... Can never love you enough. Oh, baby. You are not thinking clearly. You don't have enough oxygen in your brain. You don't know what you're saying. I've never felt so clear. Christian, we've hit a rough patch. You don't break up because of it. We said "for better or worse," remember? Yeah.
I can't that part. Ok, look. This is my fault. It's my fault. I've been a bad wife, and I've done really bad things. But I'm so sorry, and I'll make it up to you. And i know that you'll love me again. Can you hear what you're saying? I'm not good for you. I'm meant to be alone. He kicked me out. That's it. It's over. He's done with me now. You've heard that before... How many hundreds of times? No, it's different this time. You should have seen the look on his face. We're like 2 strangers. I mean, the guy doesn't even like me. Good. He's doing you a favor, Kimber. It's a gift. But I don't want that kind of gift. I want one that includes him, one for us. I mean, he's where I belong. Not anymore. Maybe you never did, right? Maybe it was just your fear of not belonging anywhere that made you so stuck.
Doesn't matter now. All that matters now is, what are you going to do? This is your opportunity, Kimber. Jump. Take the leap. Find out who you are without him telling you you're not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough. Do it before you get too old and you can't. I'm not like you, Sean. I don't hate Christian. And I certainly don't want to be him, either. Hey. Hey. What's the with bad mood? Well, I don't really enjoy hanging out with a bunch of Hollywood skanks. Oh, come on. They're nice girls, Kimber. You said we were going to be alone. You'll get your turn. There's more than enough Mike to go around. Ok. Just give me a second. I'll be right there. I believe April is next. Excuse me. I thought I was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. So did I. Wow. Crazy times, huh? I'll tell you what. It's a good thing you kicked my ass to the curb that final time.
I mean, it's taken a shitload of curbs, but I think I finally got the message. I'm sorry about that. It was shitty. And I don't have an excuse other than I was obsessed with Christian. But I don't feel that way. And you're so good to me, and we're good together, and I just... I really, in my heart, feel that 2 people that are right for each other need to spend the rest of their lives together. Honey, , I've got more bumps and bruises than a rodeo clown. I can handle the pain, but after a while, you just get tired of being laughed at. Listen... do me a favor, will you, Kimber? I've got a Chateau Mouton Rothschild 1986 over at the bar. Why don't you be a sweetie and go get it? And bring a corkscrew. Hey. Kimber? The wine? Finally got the message. I'm sorry about that. It was shitty. And I don't have an excuse other than I was obsessed with Christian. But I don't feel that way. And you're so good to me, and we're good together, and I just... I really, in my heart, feel that 2 people that are right for each other need to spend the rest of their life together. Hey there. The wine? Not yet. I plan to take him to his favorite strip club and drop the bomb there, let naked women soften the blow.
Uh, no. Not anymore. He kicked his wife out. Listen, Curtis, I was thinking we could author an article together based on this trip. I have an idea for a new procedure on patients with neurofibromatosis. Great. Ok. Yeah. Well, we'll talk about it when I see you in a few days. Ah. I got to go. Ok. Bye. What? Kimber fell off a boat last night. She's, uh... She's missing. What? Whose boat? See you in a few days. Ah. I got to go. Ok. Bye. What? Kimber fell off a boat last night. She's, uh... coast guard thinks she, uh... thinks she's dead. Wait. I...
I don't understand what happened. She... She slipped and fell off the boat? I think she jumped. Jumped? Yeah. Suicide? Well, but the coast guard is still searching, so they could still find her. Impossible. 12 hours? Can't survive in the water that long, you know. I kicked her out last night. I told her I wanted her out of my life. I shouldn't have... I should have... I don't know what to do. There you are. Hey, Dr. Mcnamara, I wanted to thank you and Dr. Troy for the excellent care I've received here. Is he around? No. He's... uh... You look like you're healing well, Mr. Seabrook. I feel great. Today really is the first day of the rest of my life, and I'm not going to let another day pass doing things i don't want to do or feeling ways I don't want to feel. Good for you. I wish you luck with everything. Hope the same for you, Dr. Mcnamara. Goodbye.
Blending in. You have no idea what ir's like always blending in. You forget who you are. Eventually, you start to forget who you ever were. They push you and push you further into the margins. Treat you like dirt. Take away your manhood. Make you small. Somebody had to do something about it. I hear you, Hollis. I really do. He used you, took advantage of your work, and cut you loose. It's a terrible thing. But I got people to answer to and they're already talking about kicking down doors. Look, since I don't think either one of us want to go down that road just yet, help me buy some time, send out the employees. No. No. That-that won't work. Let me finish. The deal is I get the bystanders, you keep Ken Lydecker. He's the only one you really want anyway. You'll still have leverage and I'll have something my bosses. We'll all get to live a little while longer. Human Target 1x01 Pilot Original Air Date on January 17, 2010 Sync, corrected by elderman - for addic7ed. com - All right. Everybody but Lydecker out. Let's go.
Move. this way. This way. Keep moving. This way. Hey, buddy, we alone yet? Shut up, I'm- I take that for "yes. " 'scuse me. Are you Ken Lydecker? Yeah. Well, if you're out here, who's that inside? Whew. Where's Lydecker? Just give it a minute. You'll figure it out. I've seen you. You've been around here. You're the auditor. Not really. Listen, word of advice, never make threats. You want to do something, don't talk about it. Do it. What? Lydecker. You've been sending him threats for weeks. Got him planning. Got his guard up. Now look where you are. Threats just make things messier.
No more threats. Just action. You just committed suicide for that snake, That rat. You realize that? Okay. Well, first of all, I don't think you can be both of those things at the same time. Second, you were a salesman. You got fired. Let's not do this like he had you working a chain gang. He took out eight years of my life. Left me with nothing. No severance. No savings. He broke me. And he deserves to die for it. No, he doesn't. Yes, he does. No, he doesn't! Nobody deserves to die. And frankly, after seeing your behavior this afternoon, I think Lydecker deserves a medal for putting up with you for as long as he did. What are you doing? I'm gonna take the gun away from you. Guns are dangerous. They're not for messing around. You think I'm messing around? I think we've been here for, what, six and a half hours? I'm tired. I missed lunch.
Enough already. Are you crazy? Am I crazy? I'm assuming that was a rhetorical question. You don't want to go out like this, do you? No. So I'm gonna go outside. I'm gonna get as close to Lydecker as I can. And then I'm gonna finish what I started. And you can stand there and say whatever you want. That I'm about to do a terrible thing. That I can still get out of this. But it's not gonna change anything. This is still gonna happen. Hollis, what'd I tell you? No threats. Hello, Carmine. So how's your buddy today? Happy to be home. Morning, Winston. Checking up on me? Why, did something happen? I could care less about you. Who do you think's been feeding that beast the whole time that you've been laid up? I don't know. Figured you finally got a hold of the mailman. He's been eating him. Lydecker sent payment. This? Oh.
Oh. Whiskey? It's not whiskey. It's a 25-year-old bottle of Takagi. That's $900 a pop. You know, when I suggested that we can keep transactions quiet by bartering instead of cash, I assumed you knew that I meant bartering for things of significant value. That stuff's not easy to come by. You hold onto it for ten years, it'll be worth ten times as much. Oh, so it's an investment. Exactly. Mm. You know, a guy who blows up the building he's standing in, you don't think him a long-term investor. We're still having this conversation? Really? I told you it was the only way to stop the guy from killing Lydecker and dozens of bystanders. Yeah, so you've said. However, What I'm trying to figure out is how the whole thing even got that far. Why not challenge him at the outset? You said the guy didn't arm the vest until late in the game. Why not disarm him cleanly beforehand? So you think I let it get that far 'cause I thought it'd be fun? I don't know. Why don't you tell me. Why don't you just ask me what you want to ask me. Are you slipping? I waited because I felt Lydecker was in no immediate danger. Do you really think that I would've pulled the trigger if I didn't know there was a bearing wall six feet away? If I didn't know that homemade fuse was gonna have at least a three-second delay?
Where are you headed? I'm going to see Peale's got a referral for us. I can come. Ha ha. No. No, you can't. No. See, you can't 'cause the shop's closed. And it stays closed until you recover. No discussion. Thanks for worrying. But there's nothing to worry about. It was about a week ago. I get in the car to go to work and it won't start. Two hours later, I'm at the dealership and the mechanic comes out with this look on his face. He says "good news is your battery's dead. " Bad news is he found eight ounces of primasheet 2000 under the hood. Plastic explosive. I don't know why anyone would want me dead. I've never gotten threats. Don't have any enemies. I don't know what this is. That's why I need your help. And the police refused to grant protection? You know the deal with the department. Captain gave me two men, no overtime. Given the situation, it ain't hardly enough. The situation? What situation? Tell him what you do.
I work for McNamara Engineering. I run the design team for the Monterey line. The California Bullet Train. You're looking at the lady responsible for the most expensive public works project in U.S. history. The last thing McNamara needs right now is more controversy surrounding the project. But I'm not here speaking for the company. I'm here cause she's my wife. With the train's maiden voyage coming up tomorrow, you can understand why we want to keep this information private. If you can help end this thing faster and safer than the police can, then you're the man we want. All right, well, um, We're not taking any new clients on at the moment. But, uh, I can refer you to another sec - no. I was told that you provide a unique service. That you're the people that I need. Why me? You can flush this person out, yes? Get him to reveal himself and take him out? I work with a cover. Blend into the background. Let you appear vulnerable so the threat reveals itself. And then eliminate the threat. I don't want to live my life in fear. Whoever's behind this shouldn't have that kind of power over me. How fast does this train go? Safe cruising speed is about 200 miles per hour. Would I get to ride on it? I assume so. Okay. I'm in. Let's go over the cover again.
Who am I? You're Tony Graham, my new translator. Good. What happened to your old translator? the company provided one to deal with our Tokyo financiers, but she made too many mistakes so I hired my own. While we're on the subject, You are fluent in Japanese, right? Guess we'll find out, won't we? Mr. Situ wishes you congratulations on a well-deserved celebration and says that he's honored to be invited. Thank you. I'm so glad you could be here. What? They're our biggest investors. What did you just say? Oh, he wanted to know how I recognized that his dialect was satsuma-ben. Told him my grandfather was stationed in Tokyo. After the war, dated a steward from a small fishing village on the island of Kyushu. My grandfather sponsored him when he came to the U.S. for college. Became a friend of the family and he taught me Japanese. Wow, that's-is that true? No. Do you really think whoever's after me is gonna be on this train? Three hours in a confined space with no escape, no apparent security. This is where he makes his next move. Then why are you letting me on it? Because there's no escape for him either. When he moves, I'll be standing right next to you. In three hours, one way or the other, this thing is going to be over. When my father started this company, I doubt he'd have thought the state of California
Could ever accomplish something like this. But in three hours, we'll be in L.A. Nothing will ever be the same again. And it's all because of you. So here's to you. Don't sweat what everybody says about her. I'm sure you'll enjoy working for her. What does everybody say about her? Well, that she's miserable to work for. That if you're not as smart as she is, you must be incompetent. That mistakes should be punishable by death. So it isn't true. No, it's true. So if she's so difficult, why does anyone put up with working with her? The truth? James. He protects her from everybody. Even McNamara. Ah, speak of the devil. I was, uh, just telling Tony here how everybody hates you- except for me, of course. Tom was James' best man. He introduced us. He's McNamara's general counsel. You'll have to excuse me. Our Undersecretary for Mass Transit insists on bugging me about the tab for today. So what was the tab for all this? All in? About $80 billion. How much of this came out of my taxes? About $62 billion.
Even I want to kill you just a little bit right now. Well, it sounds like she's got enemies. Line forms the left. If there aren't at least ten people on this train that want her dead, I'd be amazed. Listen, see if you can pull the call logs on this phone. You know what, just out of curiosity, does she know you're on her phone? No. I swiped it. I want to see if she's talking to anybody interesting. I want to go 12 rounds with her on it. And another thing, see if you can find Guerrero. Let's bring him in on this. Oh, yeah, sure. Why not? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute now. You're not serious, are you? No one handles this corporate crap like he does. Do you really think you can trust that animal? Sure. As long as we pay him on time. Oh, get a load of this. I'm watching a guy who won't stop shifting his coat. She thinks I'm flirting with her. Anyway, see if you can pull the call logs. I'll keep trying to figure out how she got herself into this mess. Let me know when you find Guerrero. Oh, yeah. ♪ soldier boy ♪ ♪ oh, my little soldier boy ♪
You the guy who been digging around Soucha's Bank, asking questions, making trouble? And you're employees of the bank? You could say that. Well, I'm-I'm sorry, but your employer's involved with some pretty shady loans with this director's families. And my friends need to know just how shady if they're gonna make their case. So... afraid we're at an impasse. We're at a what? Impasse. It means we disagree without prospect of resolution. You know, we came here to explain it to you, but you don't seem to be getting it. Maybe the three of us can take a little walk out back to the alley. We can explain it a little better so there's no impasse. I got to warn you guys, if this gets violent, I'm gonna fight back. You think you're gonna fight back? All right, maybe fight back's a little misleading. I'll take the beating 'cause that's all you two amateurs are cleared to do. And then one night soon, I'm gonna break into your houses and kill each of you in your sleep. Probably start with you, Alfredo. That way Steven here can have a few extra days with Marla and the girls. It's only fair. How do you know my name? Your employer keeps sensitive information on a drive he thinks is secure. It isn't. Shall we? This is Guerrero. Funny, my phone has the same ring. Yeah, go ahead. Guerrero is in. But listen, I went through her call logs.
I found something here that could be pretty interesting. It's strange, don't you think, that we both have the same... Wait a second. That is my phone. Okay. Let me know what you find. You stole my phone. Do you know a times reporter named Mark Hoffer? He covers the project. He'd call me for a background or a quote. Why? Well, his name's not in your contact list, but his number shows up as incoming at least a dozen times, mostly unreturned. Well, I'm bad at returning calls. I haven't spoken to him in almost a year. What difference does it make? Hello? We've never met, but I think you know who I am. My name's Bill Arnold. I think you know what I've been saying about you in Sacramento. But now that I see what you've created, now that it's real, I think the first thing I need to say to you is I'm sorry. Evidently, you were worthy every penny. 'scuse me. We were having a conversation. Wait a minute. Just sit down. Keep your mouth shut. What's going on? The ice in your glass, it's cubed and no one else's are. Oh, my gosh.
What happened? We need a doctor! Is there a doctor here? We need a doctor. Well, I rigged the door downstairs. that ought to give us a little bit of warning in case somebody comes looking for you. This was the plan. Flush him out. Get him to commit. Look at me. You trust me? So what do we do now? Well, he's irritated he's got to come to us. We let him make that mistake. Whoa! Son of a bitch. Hey. I need some information on a guy that works in your office. And you couldn't use a phone? Where's the fun in that? It's been a rough day. Let's just cut to the chase. Who's the guy? Mark Hoffer. Sacramento desk. Is that supposed to be a joke? Was it funny? You saying you don't know? Yeah. When?
No such thing as a coincidence. Okay, keep digging. Mark Hoffer was killed this morning. With a car bomb. Same explosive as the one used in your car. Oh, my God. There has to be some sort of connection here. Now what is it? Uh, uh, about a year ago, he wrote a piece exposing corner cutting within the project. Hoffer got this information from an anonymous source within the company. Any Chance that anonymous source is sitting at the table with me right now? The cost cutting was jeopardizing safety measures. I kept telling them that a train this big and this fast had to be flawless, but they stopped listening to me. I had to do something. After that, McNamara got scared. He gave me everything I wanted. What else aren't you telling me? Nothing. Well, I don't buy it. People who get themselves in your kind of trouble are usually holding something back. Either it's pride, or they're embarrassed, or they're just stupid, so which one are you? You telling me I deserve this? Nobody deserves this. I'm just saying people have secrets. Secrets are dangerous. So what are you keeping from me? Do you hear that? Hear what? The brakes. They're squealing.
So? This isn't a trolley car. If the brakes are squealing, something's wrong. So much for the flawless train. It is flawless. Get down. Tom. Let him go. Let him go. What the hell is going on back here? It's all right. It's all right? Bill's up there hanging on by a thread. It's a coin toss whether he makes it to L.A. alive. And then this guy drags you back here. He didn't drag me back here. W- wait a minute. It's complicated, but I'm okay. Then why did you pull all those emergency brake handles in the last car? What are you talking about? Tom, just go back downstairs. If anybody asks if you saw Stephanie, you say no. Stephanie, I'm your friend. You can trust me. Go. Hey, dude. Breaking and entering is a crime, you know. Yeah, it's good to see you too, Winston. It's been awhile. Oh, not long enough.
What are you doing in my office? And what the hell are you doing on my computer? I'm checking out the contents of Mark Hoffer's hard drive. There's not much here. It's mostly personal. Do I want to know how you came about it? Editor at the paper owes me. Couple years ago, a gas company hired a guy to hassle him over a story he's working. Got nasty. I got him out of it. How? I decided to stop hassling him. Listen, you, don't get comfortable here. Because as soon as this case is done, you're gone. Spent too much of your life in an office, Winston. Look at you. It's made you weak. Yeah. No surprise, but I think McNamara management might be involved in this. That's good news. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. All right, cool. I'll, uh, I'll go pay him a visit. Well, how is that good news? Companies like this aren't built to off people, Winston. Tends to get sloppy. Someone talks, the wrong guys listen, and suddenly word's all over the street. Wait, who are you going to see? The wrong guy. Hate him.
if Tom was right about these emergency brake handles, we might have a problem. The killer thinks you identified him, right? He's afraid he's caught so he wants to get off the train. He pulls one emergency brake. It doesn't work, so then he pulls them all. Well, that's what we want. He's panicking. He's getting that much closer to making a mistake. He already did. I think he blew out our brakes. Come again? The emergency brake system is complicated. Physical brakes combined with a magnetic system that's controlled by the computer. Problem is, the emergency brakes in the unfinished cars aren't tied into the computer yet. So when our guy kept engaging the disks, it must've overwhelmed the safety. So what are you saying? It's like going 100 miles an hour on the freeway with your foot on the gas and the emergency brake on. If we engage them again, they're gonna explode. I'm sorry, did you say explode? Yeah. It gets worse. There's a curve in the R-2 tunnel about 70 miles ahead. We need the brakes to slow down or we'll derail. If we do hit the brakes, and they blow up, they're gonna take the wheels with them and then we'll derail. 70 miles, that's, like, 20 minutes. Less. We need to warn everyone up front or a lot of people are going to die. Get ready to move. We should call up front, let them know what's going on. How did you-?
Where's your phone? A vest? You wore a vest? Where's my vest? I'm your vest. Where's your phone? Back there. What about the intercom? Don't tell me. It's not hooked up yet. How you doing? Haven't seen you around for a while. Haven't been looking for you. Answer for everything. That's why I stopped finding work for you. You didn't know if you've heard of any work put on the street by a company called McNamara Engineering? Not to the best of our recollection. You sure? Hang on. I'll check again. Yeah. I'm sure. What do you care for anyway? You want to know if there's open work, but you don't want to take it. What, are you window-shopping? I see. You've gone over to the other side. You're fighting the good fight, making the world safe for democracy like your friend Chance. Word of advice, Give it up.
Maybe it works for him, but not for somebody like you. Just making life hard on yourself, my friend. Companies have secrets. Husbands hate wives. Brothers envy brothers. What'd you just say? You want me to write it down for you? No. I got it. That's the- shh! What's the matter with you? If he hears us, we're gonna be dodging bullets. That's the grate to the next car. You can just unscrew it. We're running out of time. Hurry. Hi. Excuse me. In less than ten minutes, there's a very good Chance that this train is going to crash. I suggest that we get off it. I told you. I'm the interpreter. We need to get off this train. Off the train? You sound like a crazy person. What are you talking about? In a few minutes, we're gonna engage the brakes to take the R-2 tunnel curve. The problem is the disks are overheated. Once we engage them, the disks are gonna explode right out of their housing. This train is gonna go into the tunnel and it's not gonna come out.
All right, uh, let's everyone take a breath here. This train is perfectly safe. Its brakes are perfectly safe. Damn it. Listen to me! Stephanie, we're only 18 miles out. Brakes engaged a few minutes ago. Now look, you disappear, you come back here, you're making a scene, you're getting everybody upset. Shh. Shh. Shut down the brakes. Shut them down now. There's a name for the kind of train this just turned into. How did this happen? It's a long story. I'll explain after we get everybody off the train. We're going 220 miles per hour. No one is gonna get off of this train. Run brake assist. There's a supplemental braking system in the rear car. It's too weak to slow the entire train at this speed. But if we separate the car, we can slow it down before it hits the curve. Okay. Okay. Let's get moving. Everyone to the back of the train. What the hell happened back there? He eliminated the threat. Did you recognize him? There's not much left of him.
But there's enough to start digging into who hired him. Well, look who found the front door. Still got the call logs from the client's cell phone. Yeah. Good. Read me back the incoming calls from Mark Hoffer. I don't work for you. The dates and times, please. Um, August 20, 53 pm. April 24, 7:31 pm. February 25- What is this? Get Chance on the phone. The system isn't online. We'll have to cut the hydraulics manually. Is there time? We're fine. Once I disconnect the hoses, cars won't separate until the rear car hits its brakes. Why don't you let somebody else do that? I know the guts of this thing better than anyone. It's okay. I'll be okay. Go. Go. I'm sorry. For what? All this. I figure somebody should say it. Well, at least I know what I'll be doing Monday morning.
What's that? Building the damn thing all over again. Is everyone onboard? Is everybody here? Yeah. Everyone's here. Hit the brakes. Down to the last connection here. Ready? I thought you said these don't lock. They don't. No. No. How much time? About two minutes to the tunnel. Maybe we could strap ourselves in. Hope the cars hold together. Will they? We're gonna die, aren't we? At this speed, the wake turbulence passing off the tail of the train, it's gonna run just north of level, right? Excuse me. The wake, the turbulence, the wind coming off the back. Yeah. There'd be a bit of an updraft. About 160, 170 degrees? Roughly. How did you know that? Lucky guess. Cut two of those seatbelts as close to the seat as you can. Wait a minute.
No, no, no, no. What are you afraid of? Dying. It's not gonna happen. Come on. This'll be fun. This isn't gonna work. I'm open to suggestions. Here. Put this on. Exhale. Hard. Can't believe it's over. It's not exactly over. Be kind of nice to find out who's behind all this, don't you think? Well, at least it's over for a little bit, right? We'd like to thank you for everything. But I think after all this, it might be nice to go home, be alone tonight, just the two of us. Okay. Thank you. Hello. I just finished looking at the expense reports of a reporter by the name of Mark Hoffer. Who is this? They include a number of expenses at a hotel in Laguna. These stays coincided with phone calls placed by him to Stephanie's cell phone. When did you find out your wife was sleeping with Mark Hoffer? Forgot your tie. See, I had a hunch it wasn't the assassin who tried to stop the train and escape. It just didn't fit. It was you, wasn't it?
And once your guy missed with the ice cubes, you figured things might be getting a little bit out of control. You're afraid that if I caught him, he'd finger you, and everybody on the train would know that you hired him to try to kill your wife. It was you? Because of me and Mark? It was over. It'd been over for a year. I hadn't even talked to him. I know. Then why now? We-we were better This whole last year, we've been better. It's the money. If he'd done this last year, You don't finish the train- no bonus. This way, he gets the money. You were wrong. Maybe I did deserve what was coming to me. I'm responsible for this. You risked your life for me and I lied to you about who I was. Everybody does that. I don't care what anybody says. Sometimes it's a lot easier. You did something you regret. We're hardwired to do things we regret. It ain't gonna change. There's nothing to be afraid of. And it's certainly not a reason to die. I don't even know what I owe you. Can you at least tell me your name? Christopher Chance.
Is that true? And don't you dare count it. See ya, Chance. Well, I told him his services were no longer needed. Why is that funny? Oh, he'll be back. Oh. Hey, listen, um... what do you say you take some time off now. What are you worried about? What's so different about now than anything else I've ever done? And don't get started about how you think I'm losing it because you sound like an idiot. Well, fine. I did think that at first, that you were loosing focus. I haven't lost focus. No, I-I believe you. I do. And now I'm really worried. I ask myself "why would he just continue to do this- "just put himself in situations where he ends up in front of "one loaded gun after another? "what is it? Is it the rush or some kind of weird penance?" And then it hit me. Maybe he keeps putting himself in front of that loaded gun because deep down, he hopes that one of these days he'll get what he really deserves and the gun will finally go off. Go ahead. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you're planning on being around for awhile. What the hell are they doing? I don't know.
Open up that bag right there. Whiskey? It's not whiskey. Really? 'cause it looks like a bottle of Japanese whiskey to me. I hired you to protect me from those people. And your plan is to have a smoke and a drink? You know, there was a day I would've felt bad opening up a bottle like this. But I'm learning to live in the now. I mean, it might taste better in ten years, it might be worth more. But what if I'm not around to find out? What the hell are you doing? Ah. You're really missing something here. Smooth. Good finish. You'd never even know this stuff burns like jet fuel. Man, you crazy? Let's find out. Sync, corrected by elderman - for addic7ed. com - Good day, Mr. Finley. Good day, Ms. Miller. Well... Rooster! You out, boy? Got him, Mr. Finley. - Morning, Mrs. Baker. - Morning. Hello, Mr. Perryfield.
I am sorry I'm a little late. It's about time. I was about to go inside. There's a storm coming, and my hip's killing me. I'm sorry to hear that, sir. Now, you don't think I'm gonna sit around all day waiting for you when the cold comes, do you? No, sir. Be careful with that top step there. It gives a little. Here goes. Uhh. Ah. Yuck! Blech! And good morning to you! Good morning, Mr. Finley! Good morning, Sheila. Beautiful day, isn't it? - Sure is. - How's Jimmy? - He's doing real good. - Good. You take care now, huh? All right. You, too. Les? About this Brady McDaniels, he's already missed several days this month. I can't keep covering. Hey, Mr. Mullins, go look up the word "fragile". Uh, "Les"?
When did I become "Les"? Sorry, uh, Lester... Mr. Stevens. Boss, the guy's a screw-up. It's like he's asking to get canned. How many days this month? Hey, Cathy. Congratulations, girl. Thanks, Mr. S. - Four. - Four? That's not so bad. It's only the 12th. Look, Carl... I just think there's something there worth saving. I thought you were gone already. I need someone good, Lester. This has been my route for ten years. I've been voted Best Postal Carrier seven years and counting. I know, Walter, but it's slim pickings right now. What about that new kid Trevor? Oh, he's slow as mud through a straw. - Kay. - Kay's got a month left on maternity leave. And before you ask, Pete just got his knee scoped. Look, Walter, it's your time now. You've always wanted an extended leave. You've earned it. Go, enjoy. I'll find the right fit.
Promise. Okay. But there are a few things you should know. 237, the old man... Cornelius Perryfield... checks the box every day at the same time. Good-bye, Walter. It's one trip out, and if the mail's not there, he'll call and complain. And the Bakers' dog, 231, he'll take a chunk out of you if you don't... Go now. All right. One more thing. Oh, Lord have mercy. Take a look at these. 244 Laurel Lane. Can't just shred 'em, but they keep coming. It's like... finding a kitten on your back porch. You can't just walk away. I'll take care of them, Walter. Go on home. I'm staying in town, so call me if you need anything. Get a life, Finley! No. Get a wife. Oh. Ah! Ooh! No, no, no, no. Ah-huh. Ohh, no. No, no, no. Oh, another gourmet dish?
Yeah, something like that, Mom. Ohh. Ohh. Honey, nobody expects you to be Supermom. Yeah, well, lucky for that. Gosh, I just wanted to make a nice meal for my kids before I went back to work, and I... Sweetheart, you've got enough on your plate. - Here, let me have these. Come on. - Ohh. Mom, listen, I really appreciate you dropping everything to come here, but it's not fair to put it all on you. I... Yeah, my schedule was so busy! Tea with the Queen and all. Honey, that's what moms are for. Maddy, you need this job. I'll tell you when it gets to be too much. Hot! Hot, Mom! That's hot! I'm sorry! Sorry, sorry. Ah! I gotta go. Thank you! I love you! Right back at you. Honey, was that meatloaf? I'm busy. Come back later.
Busy, huh? Have you finished your homework? It's not due till Friday. What's your excuse gonna be on Thursday? I don't know. I'll think of something. Nobody likes a smart aleck, Ben. And your room is a wreck. Clean it, please. Oh, and stay home while I'm gone so Granna doesn't have to worry. Sure thing, Mom. Like I'm gonna ride my bicycle around town and just tear it up. Bed before 11:00. Help Granna and check in on your brother, all right? Okay. Good. Aw, dude, he lost it. Okay, Jimmy's got it. Jimmy's got it. Oh, man, he lost it to them. Okay, he's stolen it back. Yes! Yes! Hey, Tybo. Wait, wait. I'm just about to... and score! Okay. Sometimes I think that gorgeous smile of yours is about the only thing that keeps me going. You tired? A little.
- Stomach? - Good to go. - That's my boy. How about your... - Mom. I'm good. Okay, okay. I gotta go. Mwah. Listen, you can call me any time. You know. - Yeah, I know. - Granna will help with the meds, okay? - Okay. - Okay. Uhh! Do you even know how much I love you? I love you... this much. - That isn't very much. - Oh, but it is. Because my love for you starts here and goes all the way around the world, and it ends up right back here. Ohh! Whoa? What's this? That's how much I love you. Mmm! Anyway... Granna's doing something for dinner. I sort of... messed it up. Really?
You? Yeah. Stop it. I'm not that hungry anyways. Oh, sweetie. Please try to eat something. Okay. I just don't like to get sick when you're not home. I know. I gotta go. Mwah. I love you. I'll see you in the morning. - I'll be here. - Okay. Computers. That's the third time I've had to reboot this thing. Heh-heh. Mm-hm. Hello, gals. Well, looky here! Finally! - Hey, girl. - Hi. Glad to have you back. Sure is an improvement over some folk. That's funny. Just what I was thinking. Well, I can see things haven't changed around here. How's Tyler?
He's good. Yeah. You know, as good as a little boy can be after having brain surgery and 30 treatments of radiation. But he's home. For now. So... So, what does the doctor say? The same. "Medulloblastoma is a rare and aggressive brain cancer. "Don't get your hopes up." Yeah, like I can control that. But you know what? The good news is, my mom is staying for a while until things settle down. - Oh, that's great. - Yeah. Can you give me a report on my patients, please? Yeah, let me... Okay, so, Mrs. Riley is in 406. That little boy Matthew is in 402. And Mr. Samuels is back again in 410. Great. - Uh, Granna? - Mm-hm? You sure you're okay with doing this? Oh, piece of cake. Your mom taught me how to do it. Um, are you sure you know how to do this, Granna? Cool it. You're making me nervous. Tyler! Mom's on the phone!
He's up here and he's busy! Now slow. Make sure you don't get an air bubble in my heart. Yes, sir. - Tyler? What's wrong? - Tyler, Mom wants to talk to you. - Aaaaah! - Tyler! - Oh! - Tyler! Aah! Tyler! - Aaaah! - Tyler! Oh, for heaven's sake! That's really not funny. You're a jerk, man. Ben! - I'm sorry, Granna. - Silly. - Mom! - Maddy? Mom, is Tyler okay? Everything's fine. Everything's okay. - You don't have to come home. - Mom, everything's fine here. Just stay at work. Right.
Oh, fool me once. Oh, Maddy, I've got to call you back. Okay. Call me back. Hey. Is he okay? Yeah, he's okay. Are you okay? No. This whole thing stinks. Well, I get that. When I'm struggling with something, it really helps me to pray about it. Pray? Yeah. What are we supposed to pray for, exactly? Dear God... don't take Tyler. You have Dad. Isn't that enough? Oh, Ben. Prayer is just telling God what's in your heart and asking Him to help you with it. Well, maybe I don't want to tell God what's in my heart. I'm afraid to ask God to help Tyler. I mean, what if He doesn't? No, I can't. Come on. Come on. Dear Heavenly Father... "Dear God... "how many people are in heaven? "Must be a lot.
"I know two, and I'm only eight." We are struggling, Lord. We're scared, and we need your guidance. "I learned a new word today. "Medu... lloblastoma... or something. "My mom says I'll be sick for a while, "but it'll be okay." "Why am I sick, God? "The medicine stinks. "But I don't have to take my spelling test this week, "so that's good." "Can you see the stars from heaven? "My dad said You made them all. "I'm really glad to be home from the hospital. "But most of all, "I really just wish my mom would laugh. "I miss that the most." In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Do I have to fill out a form or something? Spoken like a true government worker. Yeah. So, you're having trouble quieting those demons tonight? You having trouble remembering you're just the bartender? McDaniels, if you keep pushing people away... Save it. You're not my C.O. Anymore. Ohh.
Uhh. All right. Oh, and, Jack... Jimmy Buffett called. He wants his shirt back. Ha! ♪ Haunted heart ♪ Tortured soul ♪ I don't know ♪ What it means to be free ♪ I don't know ♪ What it means to be me ♪ Wounded pride ♪ Cuts so deep ♪ I don't know ♪ How to make it all right ♪ I don't know ♪ How to make it through the night ♪ Somebody throw me a line ♪ 'Cause I'm hanging by a thread ♪ Hanging by a thread ♪ And it's... it's just a matter of time ♪ Till it comes undone ♪ Oh! Yeah? McDaniels, have you lost your mind? I leave you a message to get your keister in here early, and not only are you not here early, you're not even here on time again. If you're not in my office in 30 minutes... There's a line a mile long of people who want this job.
McDaniels, are you listening to me? McDaniels? Sam! It's about time. I've been waiting for an hour. My grandpa told me you were back. My mom wouldn't let me come over till later. I figured this was later. Are you better? I'm working on it. Let me look at you. Hmm. You don't look so bad. I'm much better. I think I'm going back to school even. Oh! Thank goodness. If I have to eat lunch one more day with Ashley Turner, I'll just die! I mean, it's horrible. She smells like liverwurst. Ugh! Well, here. I got you this. Sweet! Thanks. Ben, get up! Quick! My mom's coming. Hey, Tybo, you're awake. Yep, I'm awake.
Just sitting here... being awake. Oh. Is that a new hat? - You mean this thing? - Mm-hm. Mom. So, uh... So, I'm going back to school today. Right? You think you're up to it? - I think so. - I don't know. What do you think, Sam? I think he's ready. - Way to be stealth, Sam! - Hi, Miss Maddy. - Hi, sweetheart. How are you? - I'm fine. - My grandpa told me Tyler was back. - How is your grandpa? - He's good. - Good. And grumpy. Okay. Good and grumpy, then. If you're going to school, you ought to start getting ready. - Yes! - Yes!
Ah-ah-ah! Front door, please. Sure, Miss Maddy. Thank you, young lady. See you on the bus, Ty. Oh, no. I've got to check him in, so he'll see you there later. Scoot! Oh, come on. A walking route? I need a suitable scalp. And to find it, Dr. frankenheim figures out some skull attributes he wants to emulate. That's moving about the same as the skin over my skull. *** through it, 2.43 pounds. This is sort of fibrous. Next, he finds is artificial materials with those attributes. The veinal epidermus, absorbent subcutaneous layers and of course, blood. It all comes together into disturbingly accurate analog of human skin. The epidermis goes on it like so and when I cut it, with any luck, it's going to bleed. And with that -- there you go. Our fake skin meat head is ready to take one for the team. Let the lacerations begin. In the laceration test, with the full bear bottle, three, two -- nasty. One -- there's definitely some cuts there. Yep. It bleeds. Nasty. Nasty and if it was needed, a further graphic illustration of how dangerous it is to use a bottle as a weapon.
Just put the other one there and the other there. That's our full bottle compared to the empty one. Okay. Okay, here we go. Laceration test, empty beer bottle into our meat Buster. Three, two, one-- a successful smash and as with the full bottle, it's immediately obvious damage was done. I like my fake skin. It's a nice fake skin. And an up-close comparison sees little difference in the damage to that skin between the two tests. I don't know about you, but I look at these and they look pretty much equivalent to me. You know, give or take a neck or two, it's the same. Yeah. The original myth is that having an empty bottle broken over your head is worse for you than a full bottle? From our testing, it's not true. You get a much worse concussion from a full bottle than empty one. And also, from our testing, on bones, the full bottle is also worse. It's more likely to cause a skull fracture. Now, the skin laceration test, actually, for the first time, they're about even. But that still doesn't make the statement that the empty bottle is supportable. So, still not looking very good. I'd almost say it's busted. Okay. The myth that it's worse to have an empty bottle over a full bottle, let's recap from the standpoint of your brain? Busted. From the standpoint of your skull bone, also busted. From the standpoint of your skin, no difference. -That leaves this myth. - Busted. Totally busted. Kari, Grant and Tory are about to find out if leather can be a lethal cannon.
This is our target. We have a barrier of milk pack by triangulation of three water barrels. Why milk? Because it's going look really cool on high speed when your cannon ball crashes into it. And speaking of high speed, with the aid of the high speed and this scale here, we're going to be able to catch the velocity of the ball and see if it matches our parrot gun. And here, we have a designer-inspired ultimately completely reinforced 100% genuine leather cannon. If only the Irish had something this stylish. The siege of * castle, well, who knows if the cannon would have exploded but, at least they'd be... Fighting in style. However, it's not style, but performance substance that ultimately matters. Remember, the benchmark we're using is the parrot rifles muzzle velocity of 389 miles per hour, plus, it has to be capable of multiple, successful firing. Oh, man, this is the prettiest cannon I've ever seen. Kari has described her cannon as a purse. All it needs now is that favorite, slippery solution. I saw that on dirty jobs once. Really? - Yeah. Except it was a cow, right? Yeah, whatever. Don't worry, Betsy. So, why we lubing up our barrel? Well... The last time we tried the Irish leather cannon, built to historical specifications, the cannon had a hard time of getting out of the barrel, * delaminate the inner most layer. We don't want that to happen this time. So we're adding lube and hopefully, it will go shooting right out the end. You in? Yep. That's it. Let's do it.
I think we have a very good chance. 80% at at least. 20% if it explodes. So, it's time to find out if the bling leather cannon can. Here we go, designer-inspired cannon, three, two, one we did it! We made a leather cannon! Is reaction says it all. We've made a leather cannon and it worked. The test looks to be a success, but up close, the evidence begins to contradict their initial reaction. Punched through the carton, no problem. Unlike the parrot rifle, which easily punched through two water barrels, the leather cannon only just pierced the milk carton. You're going to give somebody a bruise with that. The assessment is backed up from the numbers. I've got 52.5 miles per hour. You could drive faster than that. But it was entirely made out of the leather. I think that's awesome. That's right. It is awesome. The less than lethal velocity was caused by what is the final nail in the leather cannon coffin. Deformation of the combustion chamber and that can only mean one thing. It looked like it was going to be plausible, but you can only get one shot out of it, I think this one's busted. Busted. But man, what a way to go out. Looking cool. At least we got one good shot out of it. leather, it's good for not good for artilery. Remember, do not try anything you are about to see at home.
Ugh! On this episode of "Mythbusters"... Adam and Jamie get feisty with a bar-fight fable. What's the matter, old man? Been too long since your last bar fight? ...they want to know if an empty beer bottle really does more damage than a full one. God, that is nasty! Meanwhile... You have to massage the leather. Makes a better cannon. ...in a ballistic-material mystery from history... Fire! Is this where the legs were? ...Kari, Grant, and Tory take on the tall tale of the Swedish and Irish cannons... Whoo-hoo! Let's go to battle! ...made from leather. Who are the Mythbusters? Adam Savage Here comes chaos! ... Bye-bye! ...and Jamie Hyneman. I call it my little pop gun. Between them, more than 30 years of special-effects experience. Joining them... Kari Byron... Explosives and electricity. Whoo! ...Tory Belleci... This is your big chance. ...and Grant Imahara.
Now for something completely gratuitous. They don't just tell the myths. They put them to the test. We're not gonna have to start drinking in the middle of the day again, are we? Luckily, no. This is not a myth about getting drunk. It's a myth about what happens after you've already gotten drunk and gotten yourself into a bar fight. And the myth is that getting hit with an empty bottle is worse for you than getting hit with a bottle that's full. Allow me to demonstrate. No silver-screen bar-fight scene is complete without one. However, unlike the movies, in real life, a bottle bash is extremely dangerous. How dangerous? Well, award-winning forensic scientists list skull fractures concussions, and scalp lacerations among the possible injuries. They also conclude that an empty-bottle smash will do more damage. But is this really possible? Could a lighter, empty bottle really harm you more than a heavier, full one? So, how do you want to test this one? Fake bottle. Don't do this at home. No, seriously, how are you thinking we should test this? Exactly like that, but with real bottles. Except with head protection. We'll have a closer look at what kind of forces are involved. Okay. So, let the bar fight commence. Even though after a few beers it might seem like a good idea to hit somebody over the head with a beer bottle, it's probably not. Nevertheless, we feel inclined to get up close and personal in our testing. And that's where this comes in. This is a football helmet outfitted with a specially designed array of accelerometers that will register any movement of our skull and help us determine whether a full versus an empty beer bottle is more harmful. Plus it's a nice excuse for me to hit Adam over the head with a bottle, which I regularly want to do.
You ready? You know, before I put this on and take some hits to the head, let's put this on a non-human analogue just to make sure it's safe, see what kind of forces are involved. ... Okay. He's ready. I'm ready. We're ready. Okay. Safety-systems check. Wow. Uh, that's not what happens in the movies. Now, it seems like these are a lot harder to break than we thought. And I think that's because of a couple of main reasons. What's the matter, old man? Been too long since your last bar fight? One is, in the movies, you're always seeing people smack each other over the head with bottles, and the bottles break fairly easily. Well, those are fake bottles. It's the movies. And, number two, who among us hasn't dropped and broken bottles? They seem quite fragile. But the fact is they're not. They're actually built to ship. They're built to last. And when you look at shots like this... This... and this... It's pretty clear these things are tougher than they look. Adam, however, is as tough as he looks Ow, ow. ... not very. So, when our expert crunches the numbers... That was about 107 G's. ...the experiment takes a safer turn.
And about 100 G's is the average concussion that we see in the field. I don't think I'm gonna be wearing that helmet today. I don't blame you. The helmet, doing what it was designed to do, was flexing on impact, absorbing energy and making it difficult to break the bottle. Cue our hard-headed head stunt man with his crown of data- collecting accelerometers. Huh. Well, there you go. Did you get a reading? Yeah, it's about 54 G's. Awesome! Awesome. But one data point does not a sample make. So, in a frenzy of beer and broken glass... 33. ...Hard Man Hyneman smashes away... 11 G's. ...until he's satisfied with a sample set of seven... 34. ...which yields an average of 28 G's. Awesome! Let's continue with an empty bottle. Remember, the myth is that an empty bottle, when smashed, is more damaging than the full. Are you peeing? No. ... Okay. It's the comparison that's the key. Okay, here we go. Empty beer bottle. And as the numbers come in, it's clear that comparison does not favor the myth. 13 G's. So, it's about 11 G's. Less G's-force to the head from the empties appears to indicate they do less damage than the full ones, but Adam's got an issue with the experimental design. In general, the data seems to support the idea that it's not looking very good for the myth, but we're seeing huge variances in the "G's" load on this guy, depending on how hard Jamie swings,
which is very hard to control. Clearly, moving forward, we're gonna need to remove the variance of the human arm and go with a mechanical solution to solving this problem. All right, Kari, what do these things have in common? Okay, creamer, cheese, leather chicken, duct tape, and a steel pipe? Saturday night at Adam Savage's house? Very close. No. Saturday night at Jamie Hyneman's house? No. Cannon. Okay, I get everything but the leather. Well, that's the next myth... we are gonna try to build a cannon out of nothing but leather. ...O-kay. Really? ... Absolutely. In the 17 th century, King Gustavus Adolphus of Sweden came up with the idea. It was a copper core with iron bands reinforcing it, mastic fabric, and, finally, the entire thing was wrapped in leather. That's not a leather cannon. That's a cannon covered in leather. But wait. There's more. Later that century at the siege of Ballygally Castle, Irish troops actually built a cannon using nothing but leather. It was about 5 feet long and about 5 inches thick. Leather cannon. I like it. The Mythbusters and cannons have a long and explosive history. Ho ho ho! I think we killed Captain Kirk!
There was a cheese-firing cannon... A cannon made from duct tape... And, not to mention, the famous cannon that fired chicken. So, who better to get to the bottom of this mystery of history? Did the Swedes and Irish really make a viable and effective cannon from cow skin? So, my leather man, what's the plan? Well, we definitely need to build both versions, Swedish and Irish, but before we do that, I think we need a benchmark. ... What do you mean? Well, we've built proven concept cannons before, like the duct-tape cannon, but those weren't weapons of war. I mean, we need something that can compete on the battlefield. So, we need to compare it to a cast-iron period cannon. Exactly... we'll find out how much black powder they used and how fast the projectiles come out. Yeah, and then, on those specs, we'll be able to judge how well our two cannons are doing. I like it. So, first up, it's down to the bomb range to get the lowdown on period-accurate hardware from period-accurate experts. Wow! - This is Bonnie Blue. The Confederates tended to name their cannon. Yeah, we have a tendency to do that, too. Let's get her off the truck and fire it up! We're at the Alameda County bomb range, where we're about to fire off a Civil War period cannon known as the parrot gun. Yeah. That looks good. Now, the myth that we're working on says that the Irish and the Swedish created a leather cannon. Now, this cannon's appro ximately the same size and fires appro ximately the same-size ammunition as the leather cannons. You know it's go time when Grant's got his game face on. It's go time! So, we're going to fire this off, check the muzzle velocity, and use that as a yardstick against the ones that we want to build.
Look at that. Perfect. If this doesn't stop a cannonball, I don't know what will. How about a stack of Union soldiers? Meanwhile, Grant is getting set up to measure what old Bonnie Blue can do. As you know, on our show we love to use the high-speed camera, 'cause it gives us all these juicy, gorgeous shots of things that happen in a blink of an eye. But today it's going to be a scientific tool. Come on. Let me show you. So, we've aimed the high-speed camera at this scale, which is set up next to the cannon. It has one-foot increments. Given a known frame rate, we can count how many frames it takes for a cannonball to cross one of the increments. And that would give us the cannonball's speed, which will form the benchmark for how well our Swedish and Irish cannons perform. Hit it! Okay. Let's talk black powder. Firing off the cheese cannon... maybe this much black powder. Clear. Duct-tape cannon... maybe this much. ...Go ahead. ... Hit it. And when we blew off Buster's leg, maybe that much. ...Good? ... Hit it. This is 6 ounces of black powder. That is what we'll be firing in our parrot gun. Gun is loaded. All right.
Muzzle velocity test. On your go! 3... 2... 1... clear. ...Ohh! ... Ohh! Yeah! Good shot! That thing split it! Look at that! ...Ohh! Bull's-eye! ... It is! Nice shot! So, the whole point of today's experiment was not to find out whether that cannon fires. We know it does. The point was to find out how fast a real cannon could fire a cannonball of the same size that the Swedish and Irish leather cannons were supposed to have fired. Okay, I believe we have 389 miles per hour. And we have that answer... 389 miles per hour. So, that's the benchmark. If the team can get their mythical leather cannon to fire that fast, there could be some fact to this historical fable. What we need, then, is some kind of mechanical bottle-bashing rig and a setup that helps us compare the injuries. It's like a bar-fight robot. Okay, well, you get started on that, and I'll go talk to the neuro guy and see what kind of injuries we're looking for on heads. Okay. So, while Adam builds a rig to bash brains with rigorous regularity Jamie talks to a bashed-brain expert. So, what exactly happens in a concussion? A concussion is when you transfer a force, external, through the skull to the brain. Think of the skull as a bo x, and you've got the brain inside that has the consistency of jell-o. This is your brain.
I'm about to turn it into a jell-o mold. Here we go. There we go... one gelatin brain mold. When a concussion occurs and force is delivered to the skull itself, the skull moves relative to the brain. Brain stays in one place, and the skull moves against it. That can bruise the brain that's hitting the skull, and it can actually damage the brain opposite that. Oh, what am I doing? I'm making gelatin brains. What are you doing? It's all a function of force, Jamie. It's how much energy is transmitted to the skull and to the brain that determines how severe the concussion is or how much injury there is to the brain. There we go! That's what I'm thinking! It sounds like the bottom line is that whatever kind of blow moves the head more violently is what's gonna cause more of a concussion, right? Absolutely. All right, the whole purpose of this rig is to precisely, and at the same speed every time, swing a beer bottle into our model head to see if we get a concussion or how bad a concussion we get. So, first, the arm is held in tension by this spring. The vise grip here holds on to the beer until it swings into the head. So, we release the pin, and the arm swings around all the way to the head. Here's the head on the neck, weighing roughly about the same as a human head. Hold on, let me add the pièce de résistance... a nice gelatin brain. Now, we'll watch this on the high-speed. We'll see the brain bounce around. And if we can see a difference in how much the head moves and the brain bounces around, we might be able to tell something about the kind of concussion you'll get when someone breaks a bottle over your head. But before the brain-bashing begins, Adam needs to know exactly how fast he needs to swing his bottles to ensure they break. For that, he's got a smaller version of the rig... And a pig. Here's the experimental setup.
I'm gonna take these bottles and twhack this pig right in the brain until they shatter. This arrow right here and the high-speed camera above it will tell me the exact speed at which these bottles shatter, both full and empty. This is gross science in action in 3, 2, 1. Awesome! Gross but awesome. It's a horror movie, all right. But throughout the violence of the hams... This is for the money right here, all right? ...Adam gets enough hits... That has to hurt. ...with full and empty bottles... Success! ...to get a good idea of the speed they need for a guaranteed smash. And that speed turns out to be about 50 feet per second, or 34 miles per hour. So, now that they can calibrate the big rig's swing speed, Jell-O Head is ready to take one for the team. Kari, Grant, and Tory are delving deep into ballistics history to uncover the mystery of two cannons made in a tannery. We're trying to replicate two historical cannons, both referred to as "leather cannons. " The first one is the Swedish cannon. It's got a copper core tube that's wrapped in some iron bands and some other stuff and basically has a leather veneer. The second canon is the Irish cannon. This is from the early 1700s. And, now, this one is a more authentic leather cannon, if you ask me. This one's entirely made out of leather. With the hide soaked to make it more malleable, it's time to focus on the first of the builds. Guess which one it is? It's a new dance. It's called "Directing Traffic. " So, here's how you build an authentic 17 th-century, all-leather Irish cannon... paint on the glue... Insert a one-inch-thick plug at the back end...
Roll the hide around a steel form... Hopefully, this is gonna be strong enough to withstand exploding black powder. ...laminate enough layers to ensure a one-inch-thick barrel with a five-inch diameter... Is it just me, or does our bad-ass cannon look more like a hot dog? ...tie it off and wait for it to dry. It's not the prettiest thing, but I think it'll work. That's what they said when they hired me. With the Irish cannon wrapped up and ready to blow, Grant, in a more culturally sensitive fashion than Tory, is going to give us the background on the Swedish cannon. Now, in the 1600s in Europe, everybody had pretty much the same design for a cannon... giant, cast-iron. Unfortunately, these cannons were incredibly heavy and cumbersome, and it took several men and several horses just to move them into position. Along came the king of Sweden, King Gustavus Adolphus ll, who had a brand-new idea for an army, an army that was incredibly mobile that could deploy quickly. He threw out this idea of a cannon and came up with something that was lighter and more portable. Now, in truth, there wasn't much leather in a Swedish leather cannon. In fact, it had a thin-walled copper tube for its barrel... It's your basic sawed-off leather cannon. ...with a brass plug on the end. That was covered with several layers of canvas soaked in mastic. What the heck is mastic? Well, it's a type of resin. Now, we don't have mastic, but what we do have is a two-part epo xy resin. On top of that were four iron bands to reinforce it. Then more canvas and mastic. They'd paint another layer. That way, it gets embedded. And when it hardens, it's gonna be very strong. And, finally, on the top, was leather. Now, it was called a leather cannon, but, in fact, it was a hybrid. It had a metal barrel. The important thing is that it was lightweight and mobile.
Mobile, you say? Well, with these wheels, they can roll on down to the bomb range... Charge! Whoo-hoo! ...where we'll find out whether these mythical cannons, built to spec, could have really worked. Okay, here we go. One full-beer-bottle concussion test in 3, 2, 1. It looks great. Seems to work. Except it doesn't. A look at the high-speed Whoa! ... Wow! ...confirms the beer isn't clear. The problem is, the beer is obstructing our ability to see the brain. ...Yeah. ... Isn't that always the way? So the way to go is carbonated H20. We're ready. Let's do it. Full-beer-bottle concussion test... 3, 2, 1. Didn't break. ...High-speed. ... High-speed. Wow. That's a lot of force. You see how the skull moves and then the brain's in one place. ... Yeah. Hits the side of the skull on the front side. And then look at that... the brain's going completely to the opposite. Oh, wow.
Look at the waves inside the jell-o. That's what happens in real life. The full-bottle hit clearly falls into the "not good" category. Another wasted beer. Cue the empty-bottle comparison. Somewhere, kittens are crying. What do you think is gonna happen, buddy? Really? No, I never saw it that way before. Okay. ...You ready for the empty bottle? ... Ready. All right, empty-bottle concussion test... 3, 2, 1. I don't even need to see the high-speed. I can tell by looking at the guy's face that he's messed up. Sure, he's not a pretty sight, but he's actually a lot better off than he was after the last test. The lateral movement of the skull is significantly reduced with the empty bottle. Boy, there's nowhere near the amount of head movement relative to brain. So, it is moving around, but not near as much as it was with the full bottle. Yeah. Yeah, you're delivering less force with an empty bottle, no question. ... Awesome. That's, like, a result. Let's put the two up next to each other on the screen just like that. Okay, now play. Look at that! It couldn't be clearer. The full bottle is far worse. That's another headache for this forensic-science inspired myth. So far, Adam and Jamie have yet to see a sign that an empty bottle, when smashed, can cause more damage.
But they're not done yet. The additional mass in a full bottle does seem to impart more energy to a target skull when it's broken over it, and that can lead to a concussion, but we're talking about head injury here. And so that could also be skull fractures. It could be skin lacerations. So we're gonna have a close look at those, too. Buddy, remember that time I built the machine to swing bottles of beer at your head? No, you don't! Mmm. That's a delicious memory. Now what we're gonna do is test out the Swedish leather cannon, in which most of the metal of the barrel has been replaced by other materials to make it lighter. Whoo-hoo! Let's go to battle! Then we'll move on to the Irish leather cannon, which it's all leather. All right, folks, what I have here is 6 ounces of black powder. This is what we're gonna be using to propel our cannonball. Now, when we fired the parrot gun, it was traveling at 389 miles per hour. That is fast, the same amount of energy... it would be like hitting a baseball going 1,200 miles per hour. Folks, this is something you do not want to play with. So, with a firm grip on the explosive potential involved and all of the technical jargon... Okay, where's the pokey stick? ...the team lock and load. Venting! All right, loaded. Okay, gonna go hot. ...You ready? ... I'm ready. Fire in the hole! This is Swedish cannon in 3... 2, 1. ...Yeah! ... Yeah!
Look at that! It worked! Or did it? Now, when we came out here, some of us thought that this was going to shoot off like a cannon, some of us thought it might explode. It pretty much did both. Holy crap! Look at this. It just completely blew out the back end. Well... One-shot wonder. We actually had the cannonball shoot out of one end while the end bits shot out the other. It's not looking too good. But a quick assessment of the targets, and the team are much more positive. Hey, it did the job, come on. Give it up for the Swedish cannon! It didn't make it through the sandbags, but it did make it through the second barrel. And once the numbers are crunched, it gets even more interesting. So, we tested our Swedish cannon with the same-size and -weight cannonball, the same amount of black powder. I'm getting 667 feet per second, which is over 450 miles an hour. That's 50 miles an hour faster than our parrot gun. ... What? ! And I've got to say... it's performance was equal to or a little bit better than the all-metal cannon. It had a muzzle velocity that was higher. Maybe it was a tighter pack, so, that way, it shot the ball faster... who knows? We only missed the "x" by that much. Minor problem... we blew out the breach. But bear in mind, this was our first attempt to make this type of cannon.
I'm sure the Swedish didn't get it right the first time. So as far as a battlefield weapon, the Swedish cannon had superior maneuverability with very good accuracy. Unfortunately, longevity could be a problem. And as it turns out, historically, it was. So, in the context of the parrot-rifle performance benchmark, the lightweight hybrid cannon matched up, which just leaves the Irish question. The wheels came off. Good sign. So, we've got 6 ounces of black powder All right, ready to load? ... Black powder. ...a 3-pound cannonball... Ooh. That's nice and tight. ...and a barrel that's one inch thick of leather. You add all that up, I think you're gonna get "boom. " All right, everybody, clear muzzle from now on. This whole idea of building a cannon out of leather, it's absurd. Run away! Loaded! But, I mean, if you're desperate and that's the only material you have available to you, I guess, sure, why not try it? But, I mean, we know how powerful exploding black powder is. Come on, Irish leather cannon! All right, this is Irish leather cannon. Ready? The forces involved... I mean, is a one-inch wall of leather gonna be enough to contain it in order to launch this cannonball? Fire in the hole! I'm very curious to find out. My feeling is it's probably not gonna work. ...2, 1.
Aah! Whoa! Nice! Aah! Aah! Look what happened! Look where the cannonball is. It's like two feet in front of it. Bink! It was more dangerous to be behind this cannon than in front of the cannon. Yep, it's pretty clear the Irish cannon failed on all counts. The back end blew out, and even with modern glue, the barrel untraveled, so the guys can't even try again. What we were looking for for this myth to be confirmed was very simple... lethality. Say the Irish were fighting leprechauns, it might be lethal. Look at how far the cannonball went. We tested the parrot rifle and the Swedish leather cannon. And with the same-size cannonball and the same amount of gunpowder, they were able to launch the ball at 350 to 450 miles per hour. Now, as far as the Irish leather cannon goes I can't call that lethal. ... No. ...with the best available information, built to those specifications, this one is busted. But that does not mean we're gonna end here. We are gonna see what it would take to build a working cannon out of nothing but leather. It might not be possible, but we're gonna try. But what about other types of head trauma? What about a skull fracture? To find out, Jamie... That's what I'm talking about. ...is taking a piece of pig skull... 7 millimeters. Same thickness as a human skull.
...to calibrate and manufacture a polyurethane plastic that fractures in exactly the same way as a human skull. Pulled from the pan while pliable, he forms it into shape before it hardens. We've got the base, and we've got this insert that goes over this cavity. And when we hit it with a beer bottle like so, if we get a fracture, we know that we would have fractured a real skull. To get a realistic mass, Jamie adds a brain's weight of ground beef. That's it. 6 pounds. Meanwhile, Adam has built a bar for the soon-to-break-out bar fight... Welcome to the "Mythbusters" Bar. Can I interest you in an empty beer? ...which means Meat Head, with his inability to duck, is about to get a headache. Mr. Hyneman says it's time to bash some heads in and chew some gum. And he's fresh out of gum. Take it away. Okay, skull-fracture rig in 3, 2, 1. All hell broke loose. We've got broken bottles, we've got broken head, and meat spilling out all over the place. Adam's no doctor, but "broken head" and "meat spilling out" is a fairly accurate diagnosis. Oh, man! That is... it's clearly shattered the skull. Totally shattered the skull. The rig worked. Yep, Meat Head did us proud, huh? All we need now is to try this with an empty bottle. Yep. More data! More data, with a side of sampling and a comparative-observation salad coming right up. Empty bottle of beer coming right up. Buddy, we're gonna do this at least one more time, and if it's any consolation, it's gonna hurt you a lot more than it's gonna hurt me.
When you're ready. Empty bottle into skull-fracture rig. 3, 2, 1. Now, that's what I'm talking about. 1. Now you've broke it! That's why we can't have nice things! Nose fracture. No fracture on the skull. The whole purpose of this experiment is to figure out if it's worse to get a full bottle broken over your head or an empty bottle broken over your head. Personally, I want neither. But if I had to choose, especially when it comes to skull fractures, like this test here, the full bottle delivered more damaging skull-fracturing force than the empty bottle. But we're not done for, upon closer examination, Jamie and I note many lacerations in the skull of this meat head. And we wonder, perhaps in the area of lacerations, an empty bottle might be worse than a full bottle. We don't know, so we're gonna stretch some skin over one of these heads and start hitting that with broken bottles. Yeah! Down at the bomb range, the myth of the Irish all-leather cannon took a hiding. I just can't call that lethal. No. I mean, that's pathetic. But our team of tanners aren't done yet. They've set themselves the challenge of building an effective, viable cannon from nothing but cowhide. You have to massage the leather. Makes a better cannon. Actually, what makes a better leather cannon is attention to detail. And this time around, the team is going all out to iron out the issues from its last outing. All right, so, one thing we figured out the other day when we fired off our pure-leather cannon... when the ball came out, it actually delaminated the inside of the cannon. So what I'm doing right now is scraping up this leather enough so that the glue will bite down on this leather, and it'll stay together when we fire off the next cannon. So, just like everything else on this cannon, we're beefing it up, so to speak. This is our super breach plug.
Made out of 42 layers of leather. This is gonna get rolled into the cannon. Charge goes here. Cannonball goes here. When we set it off, hopefully it goes like "ba-boom," and that like "ba-boing. " Now I'm working on the breach section. And what I have done is take the same cowhide, cut it down to 2-inch-wide strips. I'm putting on the contact cement on both sides, and then I'm laying those strips lengthwise around the back end of the cannon. This is gonna strengthen up our breach area. So, that way, it is strong enough to withstand the explosion of black powder in order to get our cannonball to launch. With the back end sufficiently built up, glued, and beaten into submission, the team is optimistic about their chances of success. This is the blast chamber, and we're talking about a 12-inch diameter. Not only that, but the breach has been reinforced with so many straps that we have about that much holding up the back end. I think there might be a possibility that we've made ourselves a working leather cannon. Now, I have a few finishing touches... Just to, you know, give it a little bit of beauty. So, under a veil of secrecy, our material girl applies her fashionable finishing touches. Then it's back down to the bomb range... drumroll, please for the big reveal. I was getting bored with the plain, old leather cannon, since we did so many. I thought, why not jazz it up a little but? It's a designer cannon! Wow. That's crazy. That is funny. You just pimped this cannon out. It looks the business, but can it pack the punch... a 6-ounce black-powder punch? When we ignite this, it's gonna expand to three 55-gallon drums of gas. That's a lot of energy, and that is what's gonna fire our ball out of our cannon. Or blow our cannon up.
Either way, it's gonna be cool. If I'm gonna be testing what happens to someone's scalp when they're hit over the head with a bottle, I need a suitable scalp analogue. And to find it, "Dr. Franken-Hyn-Eman" figures out some scalp attributes he wants to emulate. That's moving about the same as the skin over my skull. Poked through at 2.43 pounds. This is very sort of fibrous. Next, he finds the artificial materials with those physical attributes. A vinyl epidermis absorbent subcutaneous layer and of course blood... lots of blood. Oh, no. I have blood everywhere. It all comes together in a disturbingly accurate analogue of human skin. The epidermis goes on it like so. And when I cut it, with any luck, it's gonna bleed. And with that... There you go. ...our fake-skinned Meat Head is ready to take one for the team. Let the lacerations begin. Laceration test with a full beer bottle. 3, 2... God, that is nasty! ...1! Uh-oh! Oh, there's definitely some cuts there. Yep. Oh, it bleeds. Nasty. Nasty.
And if it was needed, a further graphic illustration of how dangerous it is to use a bottle as a weapon. Just put that there, and we'll put the other one there. And we know that that's our full bottle, and we'll compare it to the empty one. ... Okay. Okay, here we go. Laceration test... empty beer bottle into our meat buster. 3, 2, 1. A successful smash. And, as with the full bottle, it's immediately obvious damage was done. I like my fake skin. It's nice fake skin. And an up-close comparison sees very little difference in the damage to that skin between the two tests. I don't know about you, but I look at these, and they look pretty much equivalent to me. You know, give or take a nick or two, it's the same. Yeah. The original myth is that having an empty bottle broken over your head is worse for you than having a full bottle broken over your head. Well, from our testing, from the standpoint of your brains, it's not true. You'll get a much worse concussion from a full bottle than an empty one. And also from our testing, on bones, the full bottle is also worse. It's much more likely to cause a skull fracture than an empty bottle. Now, with the skin-laceration test, actually, for the first time, they're about even. But that still doesn't make the statement that the empty bottle is worse supportable. So it's still not looking very good. In fact, I'd almost say it's busted. O- kay, the myth that it's worse to have an empty bottle broken over your head than a full bottle. Let's recap where we stand from the standpoint of your brains. ... It's busted. From the standpoint of your skullbone. Also busted. From the standpoint of your skin.
No difference. ...Well, you know where that leaves this myth. ... Busted. Totally busted. Kari, Grant, and Tory are about to find out if leather can be a lethal cannon. This is our target... we have a barrier of milk backed by a triangulation of three water barrels. Why milk? Well, because it's gonna look really cool on high-speed when our cannonball crashes into it. And speaking of high-speed, with the aid of the high-speed and this scale here, we're going to be able to catch the velocity of the ball and see if it matches our parrot gun. And finally, here we have our designer-inspired ultimate, completely reinforced, 100%- genuine leather cannon. If only the Irish had something this stylish at the siege of Ballygally Castle, well, who knows if the cannon would've exploded? But at least they'd be fighting in style. However, it's not style, but performance substance that ultimately matters. Remember, the benchmark we're using is the parrot rifle's muzzle velocity of 389 miles per hour. Plus, it has to be capable of multiple, successful firings. Oh, man, this is the prettiest cannon I ever seen. Kari has disguised our cannon as a purse. All it needs now is Jamie's favorite slippery solution. I saw this on "Dirty Jobs" once. ...Really? ... Yeah. Except for it was a cow, wasn't it? ...Yeah, whatever. ... Don't worry, Betsy. So, why are we lubing up the barrel? Well, the last time we tried the Irish leather cannon, built to historical specifications, the cannonball had a difficult time getting out of the barrel, and it delaminated the innermost layer. We don't want that to happen this time. So we're adding lube, and hopefully, it'll come shooting right out the end. ...You in?
Yep. ...That's it. ... Okay. Let's do it. I think we have a very good chance... 80% at least. The other 20% is "it explodes. " So, it's time to find out if the bling leather cannon... Can. Here we go. Designer-inspired cannon. 3, 2, 1. Whoo! It worked! 100% leather! We should fire that again! ...And it didn't blow up! ... Whoo! We did it! We made a leather cannon! Yeah! The reaction says it all. We made a leather cannon, and it worked! From back behind the blast shields, the test looks to be a success, but up close, the evidence begins to contradict their initial reaction. Punched through the carton, no problem. ...Here. ... Hey! Unlike the parrot rifle, which easily punched through two water barrels, the leather cannon only just pierced the milk carton. You're definitely gonna give somebody a bruise with that. A lethality assessment that's backed up by the numbers from the high-speed. ...So, I've got 52.5 miles per hour.
... Wow. You could drive faster than that cannonball came out of the cannon. Yeah, but, look, it was entirely made out of leather. ...I think that's awesome. ... That is awesome. The less-than-lethal muzzle velocity was caused by what is the final nail in the leather-cannon coffin... the delamination of the barrel and deformation of the combustion chamber. And that can only mean one thing. It looked like it was gonna be plausible for a second there, but if you can only get one shot out of it, I think this one's busted. Busted. But, man! What a way to go out! That's looking cool. At least we got one good shot out of it. Leather... it's good for fashion, not good for artillery. We're here! The immigrants have arrived! Oh, darn it! I wanted to have everything put away by the time you got here. Oh, come on, mom. We're only here for three days. We're not waiting out the apocalypse. But I've got cooper's cereal... Ah! Look. Orange juice for paige. You brought your own food? w
- What's the matter with mine? The painter said with all the sanding, there's gonna be too much dust. I didn't want to waste it. You know what, sarah? It's such a good idea. Luc is moving in, so you're giving the whole pla a brand-new coat of paint for a fresh new start. Yeah, I hope it's not too fresh. You know, it's a big adjustment for everyone. Cooper's going a little... Crazy. Mom, can I play my video game? ! Yes, I have become that mom that uses video games as a babysitting device. Trust me, it's better for all of us. Shh. Grandma, can I set this up in the living room? Yes, after you give me my hug. Where's my hug? Okay! Hug! Hug! Hug! Come on. Hugs. Oh! Ohh! Mmm! Thank you. Oh, where's paige? Oh, she's doing a girl scout camping weekend.
No internet, no cell phones. Luc's convinced she's gonna come home a whole hey. oh, luc, congratulations. You've got your own set of keys and everything. Yeah. mm. I am a pasadenian now. A pasadenian? You are a pasadenian, that's for sure. Sarah? Mm-hmm. Narrow lake... What's going on? Oh... Mom, look! I'm drilling for buried treasure. Uh, cooper's become obsessed with the drilling we're doing up there. Maybe he'll become a geologist. Oh, have they found anything yet? Cooper. No, they haven't, but I hope they find something soon because the hole they're digging isn't just in the ground. We are hemorrhaging cash. We just need to have a little faith. I - I'm certain there's something of value there. I'm just certain of it. Well, I hope you're right, mom, 'cause we're betting the company on it. Cooper. Cooper, your mom and your grandma are trying to have a conversation. Stop it. What? I can't understand your accent.
Cooper! Excuse me. That is very rude. Oh, you know what? I'm just gonna unpack your stuff just over here out of the way. That's it? Well, I told him it was rude. He's 8 years old. What else do you want me to say to him? Talk to him. Okay, cooper, time-out. Because he said so? No, because i said so. That chair, five minutes. Right now. Mom, i am too old for time-outs. I don't care. You know, sarah, he really is right. After about 5 or 6, there needs to be some consequences. Okay, everybody take time-out. Oh. It's the drilling company. Excuse me. Hello? Yes. Thanks for calling me back. Grandma, when's lunch? Cooper, time-out. Okay. Yep, do it.
Thank you. What did they say? What they always say, mom. They need more money to dig deeper. They'll call me if they find anything. Ojal's gonna have to sell some more land to pay for this. I'm hungry. What do you want... Peanut butter and jelly, string cheese and grapes? Sarah, what happened to the time-out? Well I thought nobody liked time-out anymore. Is there any mac and cheese? He's hungry. That's probably why he's going so crazy. Honestly, what do you want me to do, starve him? No, but at least five minutes of time-out. That's what it's all about. I mean, I can take him upstairs. He's been like that for a week now. A week? We had an incident at school... A small thing... Jamie barton, her ponytail and a stapler. Let me take him upstairs. If he's hungry, honestly, there's no point. Okay, let me take the bags upstairs. Thank you. Does this mean my time-out's over? Shh! Yes.
Go. Get out of here. Scram. Cha-ching! Stay out of trouble. Ahh. Okay. Is everything okay with the two of you? He's an 8-year-old boy, mom. You've been there. No. Luc. Between you and luc. Oh! Yeah. No, we're fine. I'm gonna make this work, mom. I just wish people could be more... Patient. Transitions are hard. Look, we could maybe start with crepes. Mm. Have you ever been to one of those crepe places? No, never been, but I have thought about it. Well, I want people to do more than just consider eating at our restaurant. How serious are you guys about this? Ask him. He's the one with the money. Well, I've often thought about opening a restaurant, and this would be a perfect time. What about a wine bar?
You know, with... With the big taps. Well, we... We talked about that. It requires a liquor license. That takes forever. Okay, fine. Don't sell booze. Don't expect our family to show up. Excuse me. The point of this is not to feed our family. The point is to make some money. Well, when you need a lawyer to draw up your contracts, give me a call. Sure. Maybe. Maybe? I was a corporate litigator for ten years. I think I can draw up a property contract. Of course you can. I just meant that hopefully you'll be busy doing something else by then. I'm busy doing something else today. Sarah, who actually wants my help, has asked me to look over the ojai drilling contracts. So good luck with your restaurant. I have work to do. Kevin, don't be upset. I'm not upset. I'm just busy. The contract to train the somali police... Bill stanton wants it awarded to his company. Yeah, of course he does.
It's a massive, open-ended commitment. And obviously, he needs your committee to appropriate the funds. And I wanna catch him cheating. National security shouldn't make you rich. I understand. So I should wait for his call? Actually, there's a benefit at his club tomorrow... A tennis tournament. Excuse me. Oh, it's my wife. All right, what'd you forget? Okay, I'm meeting with jim hix. You said something about education cuts. Was that a "don't forget to bring it up" or "steer clear"? Well, that depends on whether he's with carolyn or not. Carolyn? Carolyn? Carolyn! Carolyn! Right, his wife! Uh, y-yeah. Superintendent of humboldt county schools carolyn. Right. Thank you. I'm so glad I called you. Was evan awake? No, he's still asleep. Aw. All right, well, make sure you send me a lot of pictures, okay? Okay.
And listen, you concentrate on getting those endorsements 'cause they could really turn this campaign around, right? Yeah, right. From your lips... Oh, robert, I love you. Love you. Sorry. She after an endorsement from hix? Yeah. She's gunning for mccarty, too. She's on her way to sacramento now. She's worked really hard for this, and... That's the issue for me, is if I get on the wrong side of stanton, her campaign will be the first casualty. They will come after her hard. My hat is off to kitty. It's a damn fine virgin run. But she's not getting those endorsements. The far right is going to determine the primary, and they don't like her. All due respect, don't worry about harming your wife's campaign. It'll be over this time next month. Joe, I've known you a long time, but let me tell you something. Never bet against my wife. hey. Uh, why do you look like kitty at one of her fund-raisers? Is it that bad? Pearls? Well, the bungalow that I love is having an open house. And apparently, the selling agent takes you more seriously if you look professional, so... I heard they also take you seriously if you actually have the money to pay for the house. Ha ha. Very funny.
I'm just going to check it out. You want to come? Uh, no, because I am actually trying to make lasagna. Wait. You're cooking? Yeah. Jake's wife jessica is a vegetarian. I figured I'd make something and... And bring it on over. Is this them? Yeah, yeah. She asked me if I had any pictures to bring over. Hey, maybe you could, um, you could grab something at that organic place on main street. They have really good food. You know, her husband was just killed by an i.e.d. I think I should probably cook something. You're right. Maybe soup? Soup's a lot easier, and it's comforting. Yeah, maybe soup. Justin, are you okay? Uh, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. 'cause ever since the funeral... No, no, I really am. I just, uh, you know, want to do something nice and... And help her out. That's nice. You want some company? Um, no, no. You go check out your house.
It would be our house. Right. Our house. bye. What are you doing here? This is what unemployed losers do. They hang out in their mother's kitchens making sandwiches. You want a turkey and swiss? There's, like, 4 pounds of meat in here. I know. Don't ask. Make two or three. Okay. So how's the big move in going? Oh, you know... It's going. Did you get a chance to look over those contracts? Yeah, it's all pretty standard. The longer they keep drilling, the more you have to pay. Well, according to the local well records for the surrounding area, there's gotta be at lea water there. Okay, so all you can do now is wait. Which I'm really bad at. Well, where is luc? He usually manages to distract me. Actually, we're fighting. Oh, stop. He's too beautiful for that. Nobody's too beautiful for that. Oh, wow. You really do need help.
You know what goes well with waiting? Turkey? Wine! Are you guys always here? I know. It's sad. Hey, evan. Come give me a kiss, buddy. Careful. He might eat you. Mwah. He's got the appetite of a football player. He's grown. Hey, beautiful. Do you want a glass? No. I'm gonna wait till the sun goes down. And besides, I gotta play tennis. Tennis? You know, I got roped into playing this doubles tournament. So I figured i'd go and hit with the pro. Why don't you ask this pro standing right here? You mean drinking right there. I was awesome back in the day. We were awesome. huh. Kevrah. Kevrah. Kevrah. Kevrah.
Kevrah. Kevrah. Kevrah. Kevrah. Kevrah. Got him. Then what happened? Uh, well, there was so much smoke and sand, I couldn't see, but I felt this guy grab my leg, so I reached down and picked him up and guess what. It was my buddy brian. That's unbelievable. Yeah, it was pretty cool. Look out! Oh, go left, go left, go left! Left, left, left. Left, left, left. Left, left, left, left, left. Oh, get him right there. What are you doing? ! Grandma. We're just playing. You have been playing for hours. It's a beautiful day outside. Why don't you go outside and play? Just let me kill a couple more invaders. Get him, get him. He's right there. Right there. Right there.
Justin, darling, I love you. But why are you here? I need to make soup for a friend, and I was wondering if you could help me. What, like chicken soup? You know a hundred doctors. You're in med school. Have 'em write a prescription. I have my hands full today. She's not sick, mom. It's jake's widow... The guy who died in afghanistan. Oh. Got him. Got him. Got him? You got him. Head shot. Head shot. Ooh! Okay, cooper, time's up. Time's up. Here. You can take this. Go outside. Shoot some hoops. Look at all the stuff I drug out of the garage. Yeah, and stay in the yard and don't go near the pool. Miss you, buddy. Okay, come on. Let's go make some soup.
All right. Just let me kill this one more bad guy. I'll be there in two minutes. Love you, ma. I can't bring stragglers, you guys. It's a private club. What club? Altadena tennis club. Card-carrying members. Since 1982. Yeah. hey. What, are you two drinking? It's not even noon. We're being european. Yeah. You're being something. Don't worry. We're leaving. We have to practice for a tennis tournament. Now... Now wait a minute. Just hold on. Tell him how great we were as doubles. They were good. They were very, very good. Of course, they almost got thrown out of the club. She only slapped him. Mom, it was a bad call, and you know it. Yeah.
Oh, kevin. I can't. Why not? I've got cooper for the weekend. Well, when is the tournament? Well, it's, uh, tomorrow. Today is just practice. Well, that's perfect. I can take care of cooper today, and tomorrow, he's got a play date. No, but, mom, I was gonna take him to the play date and stay with him. He's 8 years old. I think one mom is enough. I don't know about that. Sarah, think about this. It would be fabulous. It would be robert and kevin against you and luc. No. I mean, the whole point is that kevrah was great together. Yeah. We don't even know if luc can play. Probably not. Well, now's yourururnce to find out. It would be wonderful for the two of you to have some adult time, honey. So it's done. Take them away. Yes. Can I make a deal with you? Yeah. Will you watch him till the nanny gets here? Absolutely.
Good, good, good. And then I get to play with kevrah. kevrah. Well, and luc. Yeah. And luc. It's perfect, isn't it? mm. It looks amazing. I think you should do it. What? You mean, like... Like, put an offer in? You have the money. Pull it from ojai and transfer it into your personal account and make an offer. Mom, the agent already got two offers. They always say that. That's a sales technique. I saw a couple take out their checkbook. Well, then transfer the money and take out yours. It's just an offer. You're not obligated to spend a dime. So what, just pick up the phone and make a couple of calls? Yeah. That's all you have to do. If you really love this house... Then make it happen. She's looking at a house? That's very exciting. Yeah. Well, she's just looking, so it's not really a big deal.
It's a really big deal. It would be your first house. Ma, we're not buying anything, so maybe we should just make the soup. Okay, you've chopped that enough. Put a big handful in the cheesecloth, and then tie it up with this string. Put it in the soup. It's an herb bouquet. And we can take it out before we give it to her. Right. Why do you have your dog tags on? Because I found 'em by my uniform when I was, uh, getting dressed for the funeral. Jake. Why did he go back, justin? It breaks my heart that he was there. Well, somebody has to be. Are you all right? Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I know this hit you hard. Have you been going to your meetings? Yes, mom, I've been going to my n.a. Meetings. I'm... I'm fine, really. Then maybe you could take your dog tags off. Okay. This is all done. So I'll just drop it in the soup? Yeah. Cooper, you know the rules. No swimming without a grown-up.
Mom, I know how to swim. I just wanted to do a cannonball. Listen, if you had hit your head and no one was there, you would've drowned. And don't even get me started about the whole clothes thing. oh. hey. Were you with him? Yeah, I went to get him a towel. Luc, you said that you would keep an eye on him while I got changed. Well, I was, but he wanted to go swimming, so I went to pick up his bathing suit and told him to wait by the pool. Pfft. You took too long. What? Cooper, seriously? You told me you would wait. How am I supposed to trust you if you do things like that? What were you doing outside anyway? You said that you would stay here, play video games and stay out of trouble. Cooper, my goodness. You're soaking wet. What, did you fall in the pool? No, mom. He decided to go for a swim, alone, with his clothes on. You're the one who told me to go outside. I told you to go out and shoot some baskets rather than sitting here and shooting monsters all day. They're aliens. Okay, that is enough from you. Go get changed. I will deal with you later. Off you go. Look, mom, I told you...
I know, sarah. I know. You told me you like to use these games as some kind of babysitter, but, honey, the one he's playing is the most violent game I have ever seen. That is ridiculous. He's shooting blue blobs. You never minded when tommy was playing with "duck hunt." "duck hunt"? Besides, it's a lot safer than swimming in that pool alone. I didn't expect him to jump in the pool fully clothed. Yeah, no one did. Sarah, I have to tell you, I think this game is a problem. All of these games are a problem. Oh, mom, stop. You told me yourself, he stapled some girl's ponytail? He's a boy. He's a little aggressive. He needs an outlet. Boys will be boys, is that it? Could you back me up here? I'm sorry, sarah. I think your mom is right. Stop making excuses. Video games or not, cooper has been acting out. Cooper is going through a bit of a rough patch right now. I am doing the very best I can, and I think the last thing that cooper needs is more cooks in the kitchen. Well, you asked for my opinion. I told you. Yeah, you did. If you two are finished ganging up on me, i'm gonna go talk to my boy. look at us...

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