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I don't care how Just get the girl out Oh boy! A defenseless girl I love to rescue defenseless girls Yeah, because defenseless rhymes With senseless, now let's get our things where will you be standing, sir? Over there Better more thirty degrees to the left Thirty degrees to the left? Come over here Would you think it's funny if I said I'm sleepwalking? Yeah, hilarious Let me see you laugh come on, laugh OK, come on up now Four at once Sir, anytime you're ready Prepare to fire a Superintendent Chan out of the line off Yes, but the stupid sergeant is still there Then what are you waiting for? Fire Yes, Sir fire You have a feeling this place is booby. Yeah Watch for falling nets No, in movies the hero usually takes a few Before falling thru a trap on The floor
Help! Please help me The hostage Let me Here Go My buns are smoking see this next trap? The slightest weight Will send arrows shooting out from there Really I'll show you Watch See? Wow! What do we do now? Don't you see the pattern? Yes Well, do you still remember Yes Let's go This is a much more sticky situation Help, please help me She's not my style You going to leave little hole me all No, I'm coming Are you OK? A ghost... A ghost! A ghost! How come you didn't knock?
Ha, sorry you had to sleep in the living room It's OK Ah Chow Yes, Honey Now what am I going to try eggs with? Oh goodie no more fried egg Not just me Ah Chow is also thinking the same thing I think he did it on purpose Don't listen to him, honey Did I ever complain? You better not OK, what d you want to eat? Ham and fried eggs. Oh goodie Ham and fried eggs again The eggs taste so good I think I'll have to break more pots Local news at 10:30 am today There was a serious accident on Tuen Mun and two injured Next time you have a nightmare Try not to wake up the whole house What whole house? Just you two Suspected of involvement is fraudulent section counting up to 80 million dollars is Lee Ho Arrested in Singapore yesterday negotiations are now underway To extradite him back to Hong Kong Wow, are 80 million dollars con job That's why we have to report to Supt. Chan. Let's go Right Bye
You two be careful What does that suspect in Singapore? Have to do with Supt. Chan or us? Nothing Just didn't want Ham and eggs again? Let's have dim sum instead Oh, good! Dim sum! A blood test. What a way to start the Watch it you two This is not a bumper car field What's the matter? Bad mood today? If someone sticks a needle into your think in the morning, what other mood is Oh, no! Physical time! And inoculation Physical's OK, inoculation, no! Let's get out PC2020! PC2021! Urine test and inoculation today Toilet's over there! How do we get out of this? Think fast The casualty ward? Yes, sir, I'll send someone right away Not me! I can even stand up find someone else but I promise to send someone right away
You want to kiss ass it's your business I'm not your lips Why so quiet? Means everybody's been murdered. Got and dirty Harry cases for us? Yes! C.I.D. The head nurse want you two for inoculation Better get downstairs right away Placing high value on our friendship Can't let you two create a scene downstairs. Right, it's a matter of keeping our dignity. It has nothing to do with courage. I'll help anyway I can! Right now the casualty ward needs a hurry. And I don't know who to send! What! The casualty ward need our help. What are we waiting for? Let's go. OK! Sign here! Sir, I can't. Why not? I can't sign with my left hand. Then use your right Sir, my right hand is not with me. They forget to pick it up after the fight. See for yourself! No need give me your left thumb take a print.
No need sir! It looks the same in red. What's your name? Who? Me, sir? It's there someone next to you? No! Look at me when you speak to me. I am looking at you. Look at me this way and don't move your eye. What's your name? You Foo. What? Fool? I'll show how to be one. What's your name? Foo... Foo! Still fool? Sir, my family name is Foo given name is You, so You Foo! It chopped in the neck, so there's an air gap. Do you recognize who chopped you? "Scarf ace", Tony and "Tattoo", Charlie. Sir, my stomach really hurts! Let go of your handle. it'll get all over. Thanks for reminding me. I don't want to skip rope with my intestine Sir! Now what? You're stepping on my finger.
A doctor said he reconnect it if I can find. It doesn't fit! Sir, the other leg. That's my finger? There one finger too much. Who's is it? Who's missing a finger? It's mine! I can't take it anymore I'm going to the toilet. The toilet is clogged. Someone drop his nose into it. Ah Chow, dinner's ready! "Count your fingers, count to ten" "If three get lopped off, the Doc can" "seven left and you;re still a man" Lop your head, stupid What's the matter? He always sings when he I didn't say he can't sing He's gross to sing about chopped fingers Ah Chow! What's bothering you? Are you ill? Just take the food off the table. Besides small and large intestines, do we have anything else to eat tonight? Yes! Is this OK? Why so much instant noodles? Win a raffle? No, I have to go to Singapore.
What are you going to Singapore for? Descort a suspect, Lee Hong, back to Hong Kong How about me? The superintendent has other duties for you. No, I mean I'll miss you. It'll just be several days. By myself in my room, alone and feeling Ok, then I won't go No, no, our responsibilities come first Whoopee! What's the matter? Epileptic or something? Honey, can you not go to Singapore? Can't, orders are orders Eureka? What did you find? I found I don't like instant noodles. I'm not You know about the Lee Hong fraud case Yes, sir, I owe him! Because Anna has to go to Singapore Ah Chow is an eligible bachelor for a field We received a report Lee hong hired killers to silence the chief witness, May Lo. Look Hey, cute, just like me! You two pick her up at the Hong Kong marme and protect her until the trial You need a good place to hide her. Right how about our hotel good service, air-cond, just right for summer If May Lo loses a hair, you two can count on walking the beat until Understand?
Yes sir! Wait! Have you two taken the physical or the inoculation Yes, the nurse said I wasn't afraid of pain. He said I was a good boy. Yes, and she said my blood was red, and very fresh. When was this? Last year! I'm talking about this year. Now get going! Yes sir! Sorry! That nurse gives painful shots. Do you have a handkerchief? No! Hold this! It's your own fault for not carrying a handkerchief. No matter what, kill the girl. Otherwise the boss will go to jail. Relax! My informer says two policemen. The girl is now under police protection. Find her and kill her! Sir! Give me the data. On the new recruits. Yes, sir! Do you have the results from the recent physical report Yes, I'll get a printout. Here, sir!
Thanks! Goodbye sir. Bye! We mustn't disclose our true identities. I know. We're supposed to be undercover. A suite, please! Please register first. Who is the room for? All three of us! It's best if the adjacent rooms are empty. We make a lot of noise. She goes wild playing games. Basically, we don't object to game playing. But what's your relationship to the girl? If we told you, you'd be shocked. It's important we stay together. That's right! Are her parents here? No, they'd just get in the way. Right! If anyone ask for her, Please notify us first. It's matter life and death. This girl is a minor. We have a house policy. It's best if you rent a separate room for her. Nope. We have to stay together. Besides, we won't leave the room!
Look, we are police officers. Yes, I know policemen are virile males. But these two are police officers. But not permissible to check in with an underage girl. We are a reputable hotel. We can't afford a scandal. I told you they wouldn't let us check in. But you wouldn't listen! Miss, are they coercing you? Well, not exactly. They asked me first and I consented. That's correct! You two are abusing your authority. Ah Chow, we have to think first! What are you doing? This is the only way. Any better ideas? No! So be it! Listen! We're police officers. I'm PC2020, he's PC2021! She is a prosecution witness, May Lo. We have orders to secretly protect her. There is a contract out on her life! If you don't believe me, look. This is the Police Commissioner's signature. The purpose of staying in one room together It's not for Hanky Panky Although I wouldn't mind
Give them a suite. Right away! I have to hand it to you. You really came prepared. Enjoy yourself, you deserve it! Come on, we got the key! No. 336. This is mine, bye! Bye! Such a big room! But no bed. Where do I sleep? On the floor! One, Two! Three! Here you try it. I'll close the floor! ROOM SERVICE! Your water, sir! Over here OK? Open up! Opening just one side is meaningless. What are you standing here for? Water, sir! So? Do you like it better somewhere else? Over here? Easier to reach! For whom? It's best if we can all reach our goals
I'm leaving! Doors over there! We can turn this into one room. Right! If we inactivate this door. The killer must come through the other door. Then we'll pounce on him! Get busy. Right! Why are you so mean? He was only hinting for a little tip. Aren't we paying room charges? Yes! Doesn't hotel pay him a salary? Yes! So do we still have to tip him? Yes! OK You give it to him! Are you fixing a trap? Goodie, let me try! This is not a game. Go play somewhere else. OK, I'm going swimming, bye! If you swim confine yourself to the bathroom. You can't leave the room. But it's boring playing in the room. Try jogging! ROOM SERVICE! The boy is here again.
Now what? The, hows the water? Fine! I'll draw your curtains. No need! Are you satisfied with this room? Very! So it's very comfortable? Very comfortable. I'll call you if I need. Are you sure! You're very mean. I can be mean with you two. Now go and watch TV. All done! Good! I wonder if it'll work. Let's try it. You're kidding. It's 220 volts! Don't you want to know if it works? Yes, but now? ROOM SERVICE! This door is blocked. Come in the other door! OK...! Good, it works! Get the license number I hope you have learned your lesson. Idiot!
You keep me in the room. Any longer, I'll die of boredom. Dying of boredom is a natural death-your protection. Get out the room and get murdered, it's my responsibility. You're selfish! But your selfishness. It's compensated by your charm, your vitality. There's a "Green Parrot Nite" at the disco Is that right? Yes, let me go, OK? No! Ah Chow won't let me go out. But I know you're a nice guy! That's right! Go with me, OK? No! That's the right attitude. But you're really thinking "Yes", aren't you? That's right! You two are depriving me of my rights. It's not fair! You have the willpower of a dope addiction. A great cop you are! Speak louder. Wait! What were you saying? I'm looking for the sexy-looking. Sammy, Davis look-a-like! What can I do for you? Well, I saw you in the lobby.
I want to get to know you better. Well, if you do, You'll find I'm more than just a sexy female. Well, when do I get the chance? Any time! I like meeting new friends also. Good. I'm at the lounge in the lobby. Why not come down for a drink? Well, I'm busy at the moment. Do try to come down! I'll try, but no promises. Help A ghost! Such vivid nightmares! Bye! Help! I'll get you! Get out of the way! Am I really that sexy? Sorry to keep you waiting so long. You sound very sweet on the phone. My name is Ah Chow. What is yours? You're right, strangers in the night Need not know each other's names! Don't be shy! Say something! I... I... don't... don't... know... know...
Miss, you don't stutter, do you? No, but I've been waiting a long time. Waiting for someone? Yes, for you! Speech normal look seminine Really? Let's not waste time. I turn you on. You turn me on too! Too bad my fiance is going To tum your head into orbit. The killer was here. May is gone How are we going to find her? Everybody is wearing masks. I know. The killer is also looking for May. Why don't we wait for him to show up He can find May for us. Great idea! Then we can retrieve May's body! Come on, stupid! What? I said this is not working. You're right. Over here! Ladies and gentlemen "Green Parrot Nite" contest Will now begin. Great! When I count one, two, three,
Everybody take off their masks. First one get prize. Ready. One, two, three! Where's May? Don't see her yet! There she is! Let's go! Out of the way! Open the door! They went this way! May! May are you in here? May! Careful! Freeze! Stop where you are! No tricks! Throw your guns over! No! Show them over! Don't move! Now step aside or I will shoot! Move! Go ahead. Shoot! How did that happen? How many bullets? I left one by accident! Good going!
Don't shoot! Give us a chance! Say your prayers! Bullets! Bullets! Put down your gun! I got the bullet! Don't move, get up! It's your fault, Otherwise, Chews arm wouldn't be injured. You're getting to sound like Ah Chow. He only got a scratch! I can't move...! try...! I can't do it! I can't move...! try...! I can't move...! What's the problem? There! Why the big fuss? Yes. Just a slight wound on the arm. How come you're immobile? Doctor! Good! Which one of you is the patient's relative? She isn't so I must be! The doctor wants to see you. OK!
Come in! Doctor! I'm Ah Chews relative. Ng Ah Chow? The policeman? Yes, a policeman. Protector of Hong Kong You guys have a high mortality rate. Just occasional occupational hazards! In Ah Chews case, it's better If he ran into one. That way, at least he can go out as a hero. What do you mean by that? Well, according to the computer data Ah Chow has terminal lung cancer That means Layman's terms, that means he is going to die. You mean Ah Chow has a terminal illness? His heart beats, he breathes air, doesn't he? He's human. Humans get terminal illness. Don't believe me! Ask the computer! Is there anything I can do? Nothing. Except to tell him to take it easy. Enjoy himself these last few months Only a few more month? If he had twenty, thirty more years left. We wouldn't call it terminal.
Are you sure its terminal? Isn't there anything we can do? Help him plan his funeral, and keep him happy. Hope his passing doesn't cost much addiction. He has a wife! Any kids? No! That's tough. A widow without kids. Get a lot less compensation. Why not tell him to go on another honeymoon? Staying here only wastes taxpayer's money. Can't tell him to sitting around waiting to die! That's right. Take him home. He can die comfortably. How can you say something like that? I can let you die comfortably with one shot. What are you doing? I want you to say "He doesn't have cancer". He doesn't have cancer! Louder! He doesn't have cancer! Enough! So stupid! What are purd! What's it about! About a guy with terminal cancer Struggling stay alive...! It is creepy!
What do you know? This type of determination should be encourager. I'm not sure about that, if I had a terminal cancer. I'd rather kill myself! I wouldn't wait around to die! What did the doctor want to see you for? Just casual talk About the weather. And that you're well and can go home. Now I'm well, don't need a doctor to see But why not relax a few days here? I hear the hospital's haunted... Dinner time! I'll prop up your bed. OK! So you can eat! But I ache all over. How can I eat! Here, I'll help you? Great! Have some soup. Why doesn't he just die and get it over? Hey! Why tum it off? You said it's stupid. But it's so stupid, it's funny! It's not funny! What would you do if a friend had a terminal cancer? Tell him to rest in peace! You're cold blooded! What else can I do?
Sit there and watch him. I don't know anymore, I think it must be horrible. Especially cancer, so frightening. One day 70 kg, like me now. Only half as much when death finally comes. And so smelly. Of course! The internal organs rot away. You knew so much about medicine. Also, cancer. Makes a hole here, a hole there! Dying is trivial. But the suffering! Especially lung cancer. Can't even breathe. Choke choke dead. And such bad breath. Right, nurse? And the body shrives up. Have to straighten up the body at the funeral. I've seen some really bad cases. Face flesh fall off, relatives can't recognize. Dreadful! Enough! Stop it! I have to go wee-wee! Don't mind him! Continue your dinner! Your are a good nurse, open wide!
You can go home now. But doctor, I ache all over! That's right! He can't even eat dinner! If you treat me the same way, I'd also say the same thing. Okay, check out! But, doctor, I'm in pain! Doc don't believe him. He's faking. He's just after the nurse. Because his wife is out of town. He's on the prowl You See! Why you! OK! If you can attack him. You're well enough to go home! Don't waste the taxpayers money! You have 15 minutes to leave! What are you hanging around for? Let's go home and rest. Wow! What a nice kitchen! Oh boy, candy! Try some! It's good! Then I'll show you your room! Ah Chow, where are you going? To take a bath.
I'll draw your water for you. No need! Be careful! What's the matter? The door is locked. Security precaution. Keep away burglars. Watch! Open sesame! Not bad! A bit of a mess, though! What's this? Funny mirror! Cloth dryer! Tidying up doesn't mean it's clean! See? An ant! A little insecticide will fix that. Anymore complaints? Is this K-7390068? Yes, who do you want to speak to? Who are you? Who are you? You are calling me! Tell Ah Chow to come to the phone! He's busy! Busy. Doing what? Taking a bath! Close the door, will you?
He's taking a bath without closing the door? Fogging up the whole house! I have to keep an eye on you. Relax. You can't get rid of me that easily. Can you call later? What's your relationship to Ah Chow? I can't tell you. What are you two up to? Nothing. Just getting ready to go to bed! Call back later, will you? No need, just tell Ah Chow. To watch out! Who was it? A woman, asking for Ah Chow! Must be Anna. What did he say? Nothing, I told her Ah Chow was taking a bath. Because it's bedtime. What did she say? She said to tell Ah Chow to watch out? Then she hung up. She sounded angry! Was it Anna? Yes, she goodnight, everybody! What did Anna say? She said she loves you and She'll show you how much when she return. Now don't kid around, otherwise I'm dead.
No, don't say that! You'll be around for a long time. Anna said she'll take you on vacation. When she comes back. Relax? With her hanging around? Can't even die peacefully! Don't say that. Now go to sleep. Goodnight! Goodnight! I have to help him enjoy his last few months. Any good tours? Oh, no! Ah Chow, you can't die! Up, up, down, down have you still moonlighting for the travel agent? Not so loud! Got some business for you. Where do you want to go? Two week tour in Asia, around $1000. $1000 will get you a tour around town. Stop kidding, where do you want to go? Philippines! I heard he had great Sunday Rallies. When can one depart? As soon as I see the money. When do you want to go? As soon as possible! And don't let Ah Chow know. Don't tell anyone.
I should know. I'm the one moonlighting. Another thing, I want your opinion. Since you are the oldest here. I mean the most experienced. That's right! 30 years in the force. Out lasted four superintendents. First one retired, second one jailed. Third one died, fourth one quit. If you suddenly dropped dead. Such compensation would the government for. Why should I drop that, why not you. I said "if" If you dropped dead, you'd get mutual assistance fund, insurance, funeral fund. All together, added up to quite a bit how much is that. More than the retirement fund. Enough for widows and children to leave ahead. Why? Planning for the future! Don't you know. A cemetery agent? Yes! Why? I want to look into corruption in his file. Help me Page him! OK! Diddling time! Ah Chow's not here yet I'll bid for him.
He asked me to. This weakly "Brotherly loan" scheme is gift. Highest bid on interest gets the loan. I need the loan this week. I bid $48. Let's see. Horsey $5. Don't you need the loan, Horsey? Why do I need a loan? It's off-season for horse-racing. I only expense its cigarettes. Freddie $50. Hey! You said $45 when I hypnotized you. It stuff works, would you still be pushing. No fair...! Stop! Let's look at mine! $52! I've been misled no fair! Stop! Last bid! Ah Chow bids $100. $100? Hand it over! Here's my $100. Mine! Thanks! Ah Chow, you must really me desperate. Paying $100 interest for a $600 loan.
$100? How else and I be sure of a sure win? But $100 is a lot of interest! You don't have to pay it! I'll pay it for you! That's different. Hey ... We're friends, aren't we? I have a dig day tonight. Can you lend me the money? Big deal! Ah Chow has a dig day too! You run along. Go enjoy yourself. Leave everything to me! Ah Chow, I'm warning you! If you go out while on duty, I'll report Abort the report, shorty! You make a lot of personal calls on duty. I can report you also. Ah Chow, you run along! To where? Anywhere, just have a good time. For you! May, you stay with me! How many, sir? Please! This is very good styling! How about the interior? Great use of space.
Any brighter units? Then this is for you bright and breezy. Eat you ice-cream! What kind of decor? Decor? Contemporary! Beautiful surroundings! Can't be too cramped? Right! Won't do if it's too cramped. Well, you can combine two units together. You're bachelor. It should be really enough. What do you know? So you're buying a house, big deal! Eat your heart out! Don't mind her. Hows the location? Beautiful scenery! Mountains and oceans view. I wouldn't steer you wrong. But it could get lonely. Right. You need a clear location but near people. How about happy valley? Convenient for visitors! Happy valley? It gets awfully noisy on race days. No problem. Our construction is designed
So that every unit is sound proof. How about pedestrian traffic? We have good security! 24 hours a day! Sounds good! Why are you so excited? You're right. You're one moving. How about her neighbours? Keep to themselves. Who are they? How do you expect him to know? It's best if there are some female neighbor. Might get lonely! Doesn't have to be female, does it? I can't guarantee the labors will be female. But I'll try to arrange it! About the price Money is no problem. But one condition. Don't let Ah Chow know. Or he'll get upset! Well? I can't decide, can I take this home? Here, take this one. Contents are the same! Waiter, check! It's getting very dramatic. This shot will decide the winner. Have some tea!
Turn this thing off! So noisy You I'll serve dinner! I ate already. Have some soup then! This is my house. If I want soup, I'll help myself. Why are you so rude? Be quiet! He's right. It's his house. I always share everything with you. But it seems like generosity is one way. But I shouldn't lose your apron without asking you. No problem. Help yourself. You won't be doing it for much longer. What are you talking about? You know what I'm talking about! Mountain and ocean view. Beautiful surroundings. Let me have one month notice before you move. Who says I'm moving? You're planning to move. I've seen some petty people. But you take the cake. It's hard to take! Don't you want Beethoven to Leave more comfortably?
Kids shouldn't meddle. I'm just trying to help. No need. We're OK. You are OK? He's picking on you. But you stand all the time making soup just for him. If I were you, I'd add poison in the soup. Who are you? Cinderella's step-mother? Just mind your own business. But he's bullying you! May I be struck dead if I break this promise. Don't say that! I'm losing one friend already! Take another kind of oath! How else can I prove my sincerity? Swear you'll give up disco. I, May Lo, do solemnly swear that if I let out that Ah Chow has lung cancer May I never said food into another disco so you were talking about cemeteries. With that man! Yes, Ah Chow is No good at handing these things. Don't put him at Morrison Hill, too far. Nearer, we can visit more of-ten. I won't cremate him. He's so afraid of fire! He doesn't even barbecue. Ah Chow, in my mind, I've told you to drop to hell. But I don't mean it!
Don't die! Let's go back out! Otherwise, he'll suspect! Ah Chow! Who won. Why do you have that on? So I can hear better. What's the matter? Here have some tea! He's sensitive because his dad coughed to die. I'll close the window. Help...! Damn! My gun is inside the room. I'll get mine! Help...! Hold on May, I'm coming! Take this! You OK? Just practicing my tumbling! Well, you carry on, I'm go help May! No matter what happens, don't come out. Freeze! Shoot him! Careful! Sorry, I didn't mean it! I'm OK! Move aside, you too! I don't get pay for killing idiots! Go in and help May, I'll stop him.
No, I'm ordering you. I'm not taking your order. Leave him to me! Why pick now to disobey my order? Leave him to me! No. Chop me! Don't chop him, chop me Chop me Chop me Here, chop me! Stop arguing with me. Beethoven! Don't worry about me! Get Bay out of here! Ah Chow! Go to hell! Beethoven! You've killed him. I'll get you! You've killed him. I'll get you! Ah Chow, I'll get revenge for you! I'll revenge your violent death! Beethoven. What? You're OK? I'm okay. Just a few aches here and there. OK, time out.
Enough for today. I challenge you to a duel instead. Tomorrow 2:30 at the peak! Please wait, I can't tomorrow, my wife is coming Day after tomorrow! Don't move! You move and I'll shoot! I'm not kidding! Shoot him...! Shoot him? Shoot! Go ahead shoot! No, don't shoot! Stop or I'll shoot! Shoot! don't shoot! Shoot...! Don't shoot! Shoot! Shoot if you have the guts! Shoot... May... shoot! Don't shoot! Shoot! Gotta die sooner of later! Really want me to shoot? Ah Chow! Are you OK? Ah Chow! Don't die! At least wait until Anna comes back!
He's coming back tomorrow. You can die tomorrow. Who's dying? Can't guy faint once in a life. Help tidy up! We get Lee Hong to court, Escort May Lo to testify against him. And our job is complete. Where's May Lo? Beethoven and Ah Chow is keeping an eye on her. At your house! He's just a little kid. The phone call what phone call? Oh, nothing! What is it? Nothing, really! They should be here soon. Let go take a look. OK! Why are you all standing here for? Dinner that phone call I know already. You're May Lo? Yes! I have some questions to ask you! Sir, I have something to discuss with you. I have to take her statement. Why are you bagging along? No reason! If you have business to discuss with me.
But save private matters for home. Is private! Sorry, madam! Are you PC2020, Ng Ah Chow? Yes! I must apologize about the computer error. Really sorry! What computer error? The computer went haywire. And reported you had lung cancer. Actually you don't! What? Is a mistake. You don't have lung cancer. Please sir, please! But I can't let him go on leave now. I know it's unreasonable. But please, sir! Stop it! Attention! I won't "attention". Please sign here, sir. Out! I won't go out until you sign! Please sign! I give up! Thanks, sir! Bless you! May your dog give birth to a thousand puppies. Do you have it?
Where's the money? 2-weeks southeast-Asia tour. Airfare, hotel, meals, all included. Enjoy yourself! I've helped you applied for a leave! Leave? What am I gonna do? Stay at home. No, take a tour of southeast Asia. It's free! I won a raffle! Southeast Asia? Hawaii would be better. I've always wanted to go to Hawaii. Hawaii is OK! Just add $400. That's a good deal. But but what? Spending money. I'll have to save a few years first! No, the price includes spending money. How much? $3000! No. $5000! No. $7000! That's more like it! But I can't just leave Anna by herself. Oh, I also won next year's raffle. I'll use each this year so Anna can go. Will she agree to go?
Leave it to me! By the way, is the spending money in US dollars? Yes US dollars! Okay, I'll go! It's not $400. it's $4000. Not US dollars is it? How did you guess? Hand over the money. Not so loud! Give me the money and I"ll show you how quiet. If Anna knows about Ah Chow's conditions. She'll surely go on vacation with him. But I don't think it's good to let her know. Might upset her. And the baby. What baby? The one they might have on the second honeymoon. I hope they have a son To carry on the family name. Yeah! Ah Chow Will it work? Of course, now go change! Go I guarantee once Anna see you. She'll want to go to Hawaii. Hi, Anna, back already? Yes! Hi, Anna! Aloha! Aloha means welcome in Hawaiian.
What are you two up to? Hi, honey! Aloha! Like it. Honey? What is it? Are Hawaiian shirt? Very nice. Give me a hand! Have to finish this tonight. I'll go get my slippers. No reaction yet! Ah Chow! What's the matter, honey. What's all this? Where did you steal this forest from? Doesn't this look like Hawaii? Stroll along palm trees, Hula cancers. Wouldn't it be night to go with Ah Chow! No time! Too much work to do. At least we have this Hawaiian scenery. We'll have to stroll here! Back to work! Anna, try my pina colada! I made it just for you. Thanks! Anna, don't bypass this opportunity. What opportunity? Help me copy this.
Ah Chow Won a Baby Formula Drinking Contest. The price is a 2-week Hawaiian Tour for two. Right? Right. After all this years. I don't release how much I miss the taste of milk. I wish I'd joined. I don't know what you're up to. But I don't have the time. The work can wait. But the vacation the vacation can wait. What's so good about Hawaii? Actually, I don't feel like going either. All people talk about are the beautiful beach. Besides strolling on the beach at sunset. Warm gentle breeze blowing in your face. People also rave about the Huia dancers. Hips gently swaying to the relaxing music. That's nothing special about Hawaii. Sure, there hospitality is know-worldwide. Besides that, that's nothing but good shopping. And who cares about shopping, right? Honey. Oh, no use talking about it. My mind is mature. I guess you'll have to go. Beethoven. I guess I'll have to wait! Right? Right, no!
No right! Better tell Anna the truth. Do I have to? Yes! OK! Anna, can I talk to you? Come inside! It's nothing what are they talking about? Idle talk probably! Idle talk? Why can't they talk here? Maybe is about the birds and the bees He just look a bit serious. I've never seen him like that before. Ah Chow! We're going to Hawaii! Do we have to, honey? Yes, we have to! How did it happen? A fly! A fly? Yes, a fly flew into the computer. And threw it off key. It's this fly here, sir! Really? This fly? Doesn't seem like this one to me. Yes, sir. This is the fly. All flies look the same.
How do you know this not the one? Exactly. If you know all flies look all the same. Why did you bring the germ-infected thing to me. Come in! Sir, Ah Chow is starting his vacation. I'm returning his gun. Put it here! So now what? The computer is out. Damn the computer, what I mean is Sir Am I disrupting? No! Let me go instead. Sit down. I haven't finished! Did anyone suffer inconvenience. Because of this incident? Let's see yes or no? Two people, Tsui Kwai. And Ng Ah Chow! Tsui himself spotted the error. For Ng, the computer said he had lung cancer. But I notified him of the error! You mean Ah Chow knows he doesn't have cancer? Yes! Well. I'm off to get darken! Remember to bring me some pineapples! OK!
No need to strife us! I've arranged for a car to drive May to court. OK, see you when I get back. Don't move or I'll plug you with lead. Ah Chow doesn't look very happy! He probably misses us. Hi! Follow them! Tell them to stop and get in your car. Stop get in my car! No need. You run along! I don't care how you do it. Just get them to follow you to the car park. Otherwise you are dead! OK, anyway I choose, right? There's a gun pointed at me. He want you to follow me to the car park. You two are crazy, always fooling around. He might not come, he thinks I'm kidding shut up! Shut up! What are you doing? Stop playing around tell him to come over. OK, game's over! You're asking for it! Game's not over until I say so. See, here he comes. OK. then come over here. Why not? Come here if you dare!
Careful, buddy! Can't you do something right just once? Maybe next time! Tell the girl to come over. Fast! May, come here! Stop playing around. I'm not coming over! Let's get going. She won't come, I'll go get her! May, drive away fast! Run him down! Watch my legs, will you? Chase after him! Ram him, in his behind. Christ! You OK? Take this! Ah Chow! No...! Don't move! Give me the girl. Or I'll stab him. Put down the wood! Let's talk things over! Let him stab me to death. No...! Listen. Mr. assassin, sir. You let him go and we forget this incidence.
No grudges, OK? Did I scramble your brain at first I'm counting to three. Send the girl over. Don't please, after all, we've met before. It was nice of you to drop in the other night. One! No, not one. Don't send May over! I'd rather die! Two! No fair, I wasn't ready Start from one again. You hear him. It's two soon. It's three. Think about now I'll look with that thing struck. Don't blink, you might miss my dying breath. Wait! I can't send May over! But take me hostage instead. Don't you speak up earlier? It's tiring standing here. Beethoven! He pretty determine. And maybe he knows about he has cancer. And wants to die in the line of duty. Let's help him fulfill his wish. Three! Ah Chow! Ah Chow!
Anna, darling! Stay back or he's dead! Ah Chow! Talk to Ah Chow. He is very reckless, acts like he want to die. Maybe he knows he has cancer. And is ready to sacrifice himself. Ah Chow. Take it easy! Just because you have cancer. It's better than being dead. Dust to dust, ashes to ashes. I have nothing to leave you when I die. Except for the strength of my character. Buddy, make your move! Ah Chow, I'll always cherish your character. You can go in peace, I'll never forget you. I'll stay a widow in your remembrance. Honey! If I remarry, he'll be another Sammy like you. That way, the kiss will look like you. See you in heaven, let's wrap, man. Honey, I don't want to die! Why not? Because because Because of what? Because I don't have cancer! I don't believe you, no need to comfort me. It is the truth, I knew about the computer error. I kept up the facade to take advantage of Beethoven.
OK. you said it! Yes stop where you are! I'm talking to my husband, none of your business! Freeze! Let's go! Good going, honey! Are we still going to Hawaii? Ah Chow! Beethoven! I was just playing a joke on you! No harm done, right? Right, no harm done! Let's go! 1,2,3! Take this! Stop. - You, go check over there - Go... - See anything? - No. They're back here. Follow them. Over there... Cousin, you better leave without me. No. We'll go together. This is H.K. already. Hurry, go. I've made the call but I can't find your aunt.
You're a stranger in H.K., stay with me. Scared? Let me take it out for you. Don't be scared... You are incurable. Do you have a sound reason for being transferred eleven times... within only one year after you left the cadet? You are like a human football. Did you hear what I said? What? If it's not because we're relatives. I'll never let you work in my district. Mom, I know. He's here. Phone call for you... Uncle, there's a phone call for you. - Sister, What is it? - Watch out for my hat. Don't interrupt when your elders are talking. I'm talking to your mother. I won't be coming. I'm being bored to death by your son here. Nothing you can do can amend it. I'll tell him. All right, bye. What did mom say? Don't soak your "athlete's foot" in the tub. Your son caught the bacteria on his scalp. It's a good thing it didn't go into his eyes. Or else he'll have "athlete's eyes" Shut your mouth.
I have all the experienced C.l.D. here. Choose one as your partner. No. I can't stand experienced cops. They'll be on my back constantly. Just get me a lazy one. But one not as handsome as I am. That will be hard to find. This one is the worst, How about it? Good morning. Judy, you can go now. No, I want to see you go in. Fine. - Morning. - Morning. Bon, all dressed up for a modeling job? Yes. Playboy asks me to pose for their cover. Can't you be serious? I didn't say anything wrong. Don't you want me as a model for your company? Resign? What's wrong with being a cop? If something happens to your family, you can be sure I'll work hard on the case. If you want to marry with me, you must quit. Then, we'll just live together. No. I've typed up your resignation letter. How smart. There's a typing error. More.
- You're great. - Let's go. 2993, you can't come and go as you please. Being a model beats being a policeman? Police are respected. Have you heard of models are respected? So I want to be a policeman. I've transferred a top man to assist you. Tell 23838 to come in. When you see him, you may think I'm lying. Oh boy, you eat it so well. Oh, how good you eat it. Yes, suck it like that. Oh, slut. You big slut. Have a banana, my darling. At last! At last I had felt, in the deepest of my insides that delicious juice simultaneously hot and refreshing. From now on, my partner and I, will share in equal parts, the delights of love. And for many years to come. LENINGRAD COWBOYS PRESENTS ROCKY VI IGOR I have a dream... I have a dream... Free world! ROCKY You want money, you want sex... You want violence, whaddya want next?
Photo cards and coca-cola... Now Jazzy Jeff and grand payola. Buddy used to get ahead, it don't matter what's in your head Diamonds rolling, fortune slip, business deals and business trips. I know this world is free... But it still costs too much for me. Italian suit... and new Ferrari. It's tasty work, but don't you fight it. Care to dance and make a splash, at least you got to smell my cash. Watch the guy with French cologne, TV take the ladies home. I know this world is free... But it still costs too much for me. Igor! I know this world is free... But it still costs too much for me. Still costs too much for me. This world... it costs too much for me. This world... it costs too much for me. I know this world is free... But it still costs too much for me C'mon! Diamonds rolling, fortune slip, business deals and business trips. I know this world is free... baby! But it still costs too much for me. You want money, you want sex... You want violence, whaddya want next? On your feet. I must break, I must break you! I must break YOU!
Let's all unite. Let's all unite. Let's all unite. Free world! Let us all... let us all... let us all... Let us all unite! Unite! Let's all unite... Soldiers. Soldiers. This one... costs too much for me. This one... costs too much for me. I must break, I must break. I know this world is free... But it still costs too much for me. C'mon! Diamonds rolling, fortune slip, business deals and business trips. I know this world is free, baby! But it still costs too much for me. You want money, you want sex... You want violence, whaddya want next? Neon bulbs and popping heads Let us all... let us all... let us all... Peekaboo... and smell of piss. Let's all unite, let's all unite. Toothpaste walls are coming at ya, Wish I'd stayed home at the dacha
We're at world's end, the chance is slim, the world you know, the one you're in. Aaah... self? I know this world is free, ha ha ha But it still costs too much for me. This world is free. I know this world is free But it still costs too much for me. THE END CARDINAL BELLINI. CARDINAL SANTONI. CARDINAL BELLINI. CARDINAL BELLINI. CARDINAL SANTONI. CARDINAL BELLINI. LEO WILL MAKE A GOOD POPE. HE'LL BE A GOOD CHOICE. YOUR EMINENCES... WE HAVE A NEW POPE. DO YOU, MOST REVEREND LORD CARDINAL, ACCEPT YOUR ELECTION AS SUPREME PONTIFF WHICH HAS BEEN CANONICALLY CARRIED OUT? I ACCEPT IN THE NAME OF THE LORD. [APPLAUSE] [RING] I'M AFRAID THE SCHEDULE IS A LITTLE CRAMPED TODAY, YOUR HOLINESS. YOU SAY THAT TO ME EVERY DAY, FRANCESCO. YOU FIND A DIFFERENT WAY OF SAYING IT, BUT BASICALLY, THE MESSAGE IS THE SAME.
YOUR HOLINESS, TODAY WE HAVE A MEETING WITH MEMBERS OF THE VATICAN BANK, SEVEN GROUPS FOR BLESSINGS, THREE PRIVATE AUDIENCES, A GENERAL AUDIENCE WITH MEMBERS OF THE UNITED STATES NAVY. A FORMAL AUDIENCE WITH THE AMBASSADOR FROM, UH... BRAZIL. YES, BRAZIL. WE HAVE THE ITALIAN SOCCER TEAM. THEY'RE IN THE FINALS OF THE WORLD CUP AGAINST BRAZIL. IS IT ALL RIGHT IF I BLESS THEM, OR WOULD THAT SET OFF AN INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT? TALKS IN THE MIDDLE EAST HAVE BROKEN DOWN AGAIN, AND A MONSOON FLOOD IN THE PHILIPPINES HAS LEFT 20,000 HOMELESS. THE POLISH GOVERNMENT'S DISTRIBUTING TWO OF YOUR SPEECHES FROM AFRICA, RE-EDITED WITH A MARXIST SLANT, OF COURSE. FRENCH COMMUNISTS WANT AN INVESTIGATION INTO THE FINANCES OF CARDINAL MEDINE. ALSO, TWO MISSIONARIES WERE KILLED IN GUATEMALA. WE ARE TRYING TO GET THE DETAILS, BUT APPARENTLY GOVERNMENT TROOPS HAVE DESTROYED THE VILLAGES THEY WERE WORKING IN. WE ARE PREPARING A STATEMENT AND SETTING UP A FUND FOR THE FAMILIES. I WILL WRITE THE STATEMENT.
MYSELF. THE ITALIAN SOCCER TEAM, YOUR HOLINESS. IN NOMINE PATRIS, ET FILII, ET SPIRITUS SANCTI. THANK YOU. AH. IN NOMINE PATRIS, ET FILII, ET SPIRITUS SANCTI. IN NOMINE PATRIS, ET FILII, ET SPIRITUS SANCTI. IN NOMINE PATRIS, ET FILII, ET SPIRITUS SANCTI. HELP HIM. PLEASE HELP MY SON. WHAT'S HIS NAME? PAOLO. HELLO, PAOLO. HOLY FATHER... HMM? THE DOCTORS SAY HE WILL DIE SOON. PAOLO, DO YOU KNOW THAT GOD THINKS ABOUT YOU EVERY DAY? YOU ARE THE POPE. TELL GOD TO SAVE HIM. TELL HIM TO SEND A MIRACLE. WILL HE GET BETTER NOW? DID YOU MAKE A MIRACLE? HE'S GOING TO BE BETTER? I CAN'T MAKE A MIRACLE. I CAN ONLY PRAY FOR ONE. WE'LL BOTH PRAY, HMM? BUT YOU'RE GOD'S CHOSEN. WHY CAN'T YOU MAKE A MIRACLE?
YOUR HOLINESS... FRANCESCO, CALL ME SOMETHING OTHER THAN "YOUR HOLINESS." EVERYONE ELSE CALLS YOU "YOUR HOLINESS." THEY DON'T ADDRESS ME 50 TIMES A DAY. VERY WELL, YOUR HOLINESS. THANK YOU. [ALARM] OUR NEW SECURITY SYSTEM. IS HIS HOLINESS CARRYING ANY METAL? AH, YES. THE VATICAN BANK IS ATTRACTING TOO FEW DEPOSITORS. WE FEEL THE SITUATION MIGHT BE IMPROVED BY OFFERING CERTAIN ENTICEMENTS. ENTICEMENTS? LIKE IN AMERICAN BANKS, YOUR HOLINESS. SMALL DEPOSITORS MIGHT GET A CALENDAR WITH YOUR PICTURE. MEDIUM-LEVEL DEPOSITORS, A SPECIAL TOUR OF THE VATICAN. WHAT DO WE GIVE THE HIGH-LEVEL DEPOSITORS? A SAINTHOOD? WELL, UH, SOMEONE... PROPOSED, UH... LOCKS OF YOUR HAIR IN PLASTIC. COULD I HEAR IT AGAIN? YOUR GREATNESS. NO.
IT'S TOO... EXALTED. YOUR MERCIFULNESS? NO. THAT'S TOO SENTIMENTAL. YOUR SUPERBNESS? NO. NO, IT'S GOT TO BE MORE HUMBLE. YOUR HUMBLENESS. THAT'S RIDICULOUS. HE'S THE HOLY FATHER. WHAT SHOULD I CALL HIM? YOUR NOTHING-SPECIALNESS? WILL YOU HAVE LUNCH NOW, YOUR MEDIOCRENESS? UH... SORRY TO INTERRUPT. I'VE READ THE LAYWORKERS' PROPOSAL. IT'S PERFECTLY REASONABLE. LET'S GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT. YES, YES, YOUR, YOUR... DID YOU THINK HE HEARD? NO. UH... "YOUR MEDIOCRENESS" IS TOO LONG. ANY RESPONSE YET FROM VIENNA? BISHOP VON SYLT IS REFUSING TO FOLLOW THE GUIDELINES SET FOR MASS BY VATICAN II. HE'S CALLING IT A BASTARD RITE, THE WORK OF THE DEVIL. SOME SISTERS IN AMERICA
ARE THREATENING TO LEAVE THE CHURCH UNLESS THEY CAN BECOME PRIESTS. AND CARDINAL LE CLAIRE SAYS YOUR COMMENTS ON WORLD HUNGER WERE, QUOTE, "NAIVE AND TOO EX--" [VOICES] ♪ ALLELUIA ♪ ♪ ALLELUIA, ALLELU ♪♪ SISTER. WHY ARE YOU CRYING? SHE CANNOT HEAR YOU, FATHER. SHE CAN'T HEAR AT ALL? NO, YOUR HOLINESS. SHE CAME FROM HER VILLAGE TO SEE YOU, BUT GOT LOST IN THE CROWD. AH, SHE CAN'T FIND HER PARENTS. SHE SAYS SHE HITCHHIKED ALL ALONE. HER NAME IS "ISABELLA". IT'S WRITTEN ON HER MEDALLION. OH, ISABELLA, ISABELLA. TELL HER NOT TO WORRY. THAT... THAT... WE'LL GET HER HOME. DON'T WORRY. HE WILL GET YOU HOME. ISABELLA... WHY, WHY DID YOU COME TO ROME? WHY DID YOU COME TO ROME? SHE SAYS SHE CAME TO ROME
TO TELL YOU THAT HER VILLAGE HAS NO PRIEST. YOU HITCHHIKED TO ROME TO TELL ME-- YES. FROM MONTEPETRA. IT SAYS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MEDALLION. MONTEPETRA. ALL RIGHT. ISABELLA, I-- I PROMISE. I WILL FIND A PRIEST FOR MONTEPETRA. DON'T WORRY. HE WILL FIND A PRIEST FOR YOUR VILLAGE. SHE SAYS, "THANK YOU," EMINENCE. ISABELLA... OH... OH, MY CHILD. OH. IN NOMINE PATRIS, ET FILII, ET SPIRITUS SANCTI. YOUR HOLINESS, WE ARE IN YOUR PRESENCE TO DEMONSTRATE OUR PERSONAL DEVOTION IN BRINGING YOU THE ADMIRATION OF MANY COUNTRIES OF THE WORLD. SECRETARY OF THE STATE, CARDINAL MORANTE. YOUR HOLINESS, MAY I PRESENT THE EXCELLENCE AMBASSADOR CARLOS RODRIGUEZ. I BRING GREETINGS FROM MY GOVERNMENT AND RESPECTFULLY REQUEST THAT YOUR PRIESTS CEASE
THEIR SUBVERSIVE ACTIVITIES WITHIN MY COUNTRY. OTHERWISE, I CANNOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR SAFETY. BUT YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE. I BELIEVE, ULTIMATELY, WE'RE ALL RESPONSIBLE FOR EACH OTHER. I'LL REMEMBER YOU IN MY PRAYERS. IT'S GETTING CHILLY. IT'S COLD OUT HERE. WELL... IT'S BEEN A HARD YEAR, LEO. BUT YOU SURVIVED IT WELL. STEFANO, DON'T TELL ME I'VE SURVIVED IT WELL. DON'T TELL ME THAT. I'M COMPLETELY OUT OF TOUCH WITH HOW MOST PEOPLE LIVE. I SOMETIMES WONDER IF ANYTHING I SAY OR DO HAS ANY EFFECT OUTSIDE THESE WALLS. THAT ISN'T FOR YOU TO DECIDE, LEO. YOU ARE LOVED AND RESPECTED BY MILLIONS. YOU'VE DONE ALL THAT YOU'VE BEEN ASKED TO DO. WHEN I WAS A PRIEST, I COULD SEE THE RESULTS OF MY WORK. NOW I'M THE POPE, BUT I'M NO LONGER A PRIEST. IT'S NOT POSSIBLE TO BE BOTH. WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I WERE TO RESIGN? [THUNDER] DON'T WORRY ABOUT HIM. HE'LL BE FINE.
COME AND WATCH THE GAME. ...FOR THE WORLD CUP CHAMPIONSHIP. PEISANO PASSING OFF TO DOBROTTO AS THE OFFENSE SETS PLAY. HERE'S VIZETTI. YEAH, ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! GO! ALL THE WAY, GO! GO! TO THE LEFT. TO THE LEFT. TIME IS RUNNING OUT. GO! GO! WHAT CAN YOU TELL US ABOUT MORE RECENT POPES? POPE PAUL X, RULING FROM 1903 TO 1914, WAS THE FIRST OF THE MODERN POPES. A TRUE ASCETIC, HE'S REPUTED TO HAVE WROUGHT SEVERAL MIRACULOUS CURES WITH HIS BLESSINGS. AND, OF THE MORE RECENT POPES, POPE JOHN XXIII IS OBVIOUSLY THE MOST POPULAR. WHAT A BUNCH OF NONSENSE. WHAT DO THESE GUYS REALLY DO? THE POPE'S JUST A MASCOT FOR THE CHURCH. THEY MIGHT AS WELL PUT A BUNNY COSTUME ON HIM. LOOK. ISN'T THIS INTERESTING?
THE HOLY CITY IS ACTUALLY THE SMALLEST STATE IN THE WORLD. THERE GOES GIVINI ON A BREAKAWAY. COME ON! ...WHO LOOKS INSIDE. A HEADER! HE SCORES! YAY! [HONKS HORN] YOU OLD MAN! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? ...AND IT'S ALMOST OVER. SECONDS REMAIN. THE SUSPENSE... DANIELLO PROTECTS THE BALL. [WHISTLE] AAH! ITALY WINS! WE ARE THE BEST! WE WON! WE WON! ...WINS THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP OF FOOTBALL! THEY'RE SWARMING... HERE'S ONE! 1... 2... 3! ITALY! ITALY! ITALY! ITALY! ITALY!
ITALY! ITALY! I'VE LOOKED EVERYWHERE-- LIBRARIES, CHAPELS, EVEN THE BATHROOMS. HE'S NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. IT'S TERRIBLE. WHAT DO WE TELL THE CURIA? I'M SORRY, GENTLEMEN, WE'VE LOST THE POPE? HOW COULD YOU LOSE THE POPE? YOU SAW HIM LAST NIGHT. HE DIDN'T MAKE CONFESSION. HE WAS TROUBLED. AND HE TALKED ABOUT... ABOUT RESIGNING. MADONNA. I DON'T BELIEVE IT! WE HAVE NO REASON TO BELIEVE OTHERWISE. THERE WERE NO SIGNS OF STRUGGLE, NO THREATENING TELEPHONE CALLS. NO DEMANDS FOR RANSOM. HE JUST WALKED OUT. YES, YES, I DO UNDERSTAND. 10,000 LIRE. ANYBODY EVER TELL YOU YOU LOOK LIKE THE POPE? SOMETIMES. UH, I'M SORRY, BUT I-- I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY AT THE MOMENT. I CAN GET IT.
PEOPLE JUST FEED YOU FOR NOTHING! I CAN COME BACK TOMORROW. LISTEN, BUDDY, PAY UP. MAYBE I COULD WASH THE DISHES. YOU CAN GO TO HELL! COMING IN HERE AND TAKING FOOD FROM THE MOUTHS OF HONEST MEN. VATICAN CITY, GOOD EVENING. JUST A MOMENT, PLEASE. [RING] HELLO. YOUR HOLINESS! WHERE ARE YOU? QUICKLY, IT'S HIM. YES. ANYTHING. WHERE'S HE SPEAKING FROM? IS HE ALL RIGHT? WHEN'S HE COMING BACK? QUIET. WRITE IT DOWN. YES. GIANNI'S PIZZERIA. PIZZERIA? YES. GIANNI'S PIZZERIA. YOU SURE IT'S HIM? YES, YOUR HOLINESS. 10,000 LIRE. 10,000.
10,000? DON'T WORRY. WE'LL TAKE CARE OF IT. WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK? I DON'T KNOW. BYE, STEFANO. YOUR HOLINESS! YOUR HOLINESS! DID HE SAY WHEN HE'S COMING BACK? NO. THANK YOU. JUST WALKED OUT? HAS HE GONE MAD? PIUS IX WAS COMPLETELY INSANE. HE WAS ILL, NOT INSANE. HE STEPPED ON A CARDINAL'S HEAD AND PULLED HIM BY HIS EARS. GENTLEMEN, PLEASE. WE'LL JUST HAVE TO CARRY ON AS IF HE WERE HERE. HOW DO WE EXPLAIN HE HAS NO AUDIENCES? THAT HE DOESN'T ADDRESS CROWDS? ANNOUNCE THAT HE'S TIRED FROM HIS RECENT TRIP TO THE MIDDLE EAST. NO VISITORS ALLOWED. THAT'S OK FOR THE OUTSIDE WORLD. WHAT ABOUT THE STAFF? ONE OF US WILL HAVE TO STAY IN HIS APARTMENT AND EAT HIS MEALS. THE NUNS CAN BE SWORN TO SECRECY.
I'M NEEDED TO HANDLE THE CURIA. AND I THE PRESS. FATHER... I'M A PRIEST... AND I HAVE A CRISIS. THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I WANT TO DO, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHETHER I'M... I'M SIMPLY FOLLOWING MY OWN DESIRE WHICH COMES FROM MY OWN WEAKNESS... OR... OR IF I'M BEING COMPELLED BY GOD TO DO SOMETHING THAT HE WANTS ME TO DO. AND, UH, I'M LOOKING FOR SOME GUIDANCE. FOR A SIGN. [SNORING] [SNORING] THANK YOU. GOOD LUCK. SORRY. THIS ROAD IS CLOSED. BUT I HAVE TO GET TO THE VILLAGE. THE VILLAGE IS QUARANTINED. THERE'S AN EPIDEMIC. PEOPLE ARE DYING. [HORN HONKS] NOBODY GOES IN OR OUT. HOW ARE YOU, MY FRIEND? HOW ARE THINGS AT THE MINISTRY? FINE, FINE.
THAT'S GOOD. HOW ARE YOU? FINE. JUST FINE. I'LL BE SEEING YOU. [PRAYING IN LATIN] GET AWAY! GET AWAY! I'M SO SORRY. MONEY. MONEY. MONEY. PLEASE, MONEY! I HAVE NO MONEY. PLEASE, MONEY. MONEY. I HAVE NO MONEY. I'M SORRY. REALLY, I HAVE NO MONEY. MONEY! I HAVE NO MONEY. MONEY, MONEY. ISABELLA. NO. DON'T BE FRIGHTENED. YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME? HUH? NO? ALL RIGHT. I HAD A LARGE CROSS HERE,
NO BEARD. HELLO. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. I... CAME... TO SEE YOU... AND YOUR VILLAGE. HUH? IS THIS YOUR HOUSE? AHH, I SEE. DON'T TELL... ANYONE ABOUT ME. IT'S A--SHHH-- SECRET BETWEEN JUST US. YES? I HAVE NOWHERE TO SLEEP IN THE VILLAGE. DO YOU KNOW... SOME... YES. ALL RIGHT. NOT YOUR SISTER, NO? YES. EXCUSE THE DUST, BUT BUSINESS ISN'T TOO GOOD DURING AN EPIDEMIC. NO, IT'S VERY NICE, VERY GOOD. THANK YOU. THANK YOU, ISABELLA. HOW DO YOU KNOW HER NAME? SHE SHOWED ME HER MEDALLION. AHHH.
AND, UH... HOW DID YOU GET INTO THE VILLAGE? I, UH... WALKED UP THE HILL. I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS AN EPIDEMIC. OH. AND? WHAT? SORRY. I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW? YOUR NAME. I SHOULD HAVE IT WRITTEN ON MY MEDALLION. WELL, WHAT IS IT? IT'S A CROSS. NO. I MEAN YOUR NAME. FRANCESCO. YES. FRANCESCO... BIONDI. FRANCESCO BIONDI. FRANCESCO BIONDI. DO I KNOW YOU? YOU LOOK FAMILIAR. I DON'T THINK SO, NO. SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT I LOOK LIKE THE POPE. WELL, ISABELLA SEEMS TO TRUST YOU. I'LL SHOW YOU YOUR ROOM. THANK YOU.
WE WON'T NEED YOU TO SERVE NOW. THANK YOU. AND PLEASE, SHUT THE DOOR. WHAT'S HE HAVING TODAY? CALF'S LIVER. OH, NO. ALWAYS HAS IT ON WEDNESDAY. I CAN'T STAND CALF'S LIVER. MAYBE THAT'S WHY YOU ARE NOT THE POPE. [DOG BARKS] HEY! HEY! WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS THIS? HEY! HEY, PUT THIS DOWN! HEY... AAAH. WHO IS THERE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? HUH? WHO ARE YOU? WHO ARE YOU? I ASKED YOU FIRST. WHO ARE YOU? OH, GOD. ARE YOU THE POLICE? NO. POLICE ARE LOOKING FOR ME. HUNDREDS.
BUT THEY WILL NEVER CATCH GIULIANO. ARE THESE YOUR BOYS? YES. NOT VERY MANY. I HAVE MORE. THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD. REAL GOLD. YES. WHY DON'T YOU CARE THAT I TOOK IT? ALL RIGHT, THEN. DON'T TAKE IT. MAYBE HE'S A PRIEST. NO. A PRIEST WOULD BE TELLING US WE GO TO HELL FOR THIS. IF I WERE YOU, I'D LEAVE MONTEPETRA. IT'S NOT SUCH A GOOD PLACE FOR STRANGERS. GIULIANO... THE CROSS IS WORTH MONEY. DON'T SQUANDER IT. KEEP IT. ONE DAY YOU MAY NEED IT FOR SOMETHING IMPORTANT. HMM? 2,300. 2,500 NOW. COFFEE. CIOLINO, THAT'S THE GUY WHO SNUCK ON THE FRUIT TRUCK. NEED SOME HELP?
YOU KNOW ABOUT DONKEYS? I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THE EPIDEMIC. OH? YES, FROM ONE OF THE DEAD, AS A MATTER OF FACT. THERE WAS A REAL ONE HERE THREE YEARS AGO. THE HEALTH MINISTRY CAME IN AND QUARANTINED THE TOWN, AND THEN THEY BROUGHT IN FOOD. THE MEN LIKED IT SO MUCH, THEY DECIDED TO DO IT AGAIN. HOW DO THEY GET THE MARKS ON THEIR FACES? YOU RUB AN HERB ON YOUR FACE. IT MAKES A NICE WELT. YOU OUGHT TO BE LEAVING THEN. NO. I THOUGHT I WOULD TRY TO FIND SOME WORK IN THE VILLAGE. NO WORK IN MONTEPETRA. THE MEN GO OVER TO RIGIO, THE ONES NOT PRETENDING TO BE SICK. I MIGHT GO WITH THEM IN THE MORNING. YOU WON'T LIKE IT. MAYBE NOT. I'LL HAVE ISABELLA WAKE YOU IN THE MORNING WHEN IT'S TIME TO GO. THANK YOU. GO. GO. [TELEPHONE RINGS] HELLO. HELLO, STEFANO. YOUR HOLINESS!
WHERE ARE YOU? I'M IN A SMALL VILLAGE IN THE SOUTH. HE'S IN THE SOUTH. WHEREABOUTS? ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YES, I'M FINE. I'M JUST A LITTLE TIRED FROM WORKING. WORK? YOU GOT A JOB? WELL, IT'S NOT EXACTLY A JOB. I SORT RAGS WITH THE VILLAGERS. HE'S SORTING RAGS. RAGS? YOUR HOLINESS, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, CAN'T THESE PEOPLE SORT THEIR OWN RAGS? WELL, YES, THEY COULD, BUT, UH... WE CAN EASILY SEND YOU MONEY IF-- NO, NO, STEFANO. THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY. REALLY. ASK HIM WHEN HE'S COMING BACK. YOUR HOLINESS, WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK? NO. WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'M COMING BACK. I THINK I'M SUPPOSED TO DO SOMETHING HERE. BUT WE'VE ANNOUNCED THAT YOU ARE ON A TWO-WEEK RETREAT. WHAT CAN WE DO IF YOU'RE NOT BACK IN TIME? YOU'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.
I HAVE COMPLETE CONFIDENCE IN YOU. YES, YOUR HOLINESS. BYE-BYE, STEFANO. GOOD-BYE, YOUR HOLINESS. HE HAS COMPLETE CONFIDENCE IN US. THAT DOESN'T HELP, DOES IT? JUST PRAY. WELL... HERE I AM IN MONTEPETRA. I CAN SEE WHY YOU WANTED SOMEBODY TO COME. I FEEL RATHER INADEQUATE, TO TELL THE TRUTH, BECAUSE THERE IS RATHER A LOT TO DO. I'M NOT SURE WHERE TO BEGIN. IN FACT... I THINK REALLY I COULD DO WITH SOME HELP. [SHEEP BLEATING] GOOD MORNING. HELLO. IT'S A WONDERFUL VIEW. YOU'RE POPE LEO, HUH? YOU'RE POPE LEO, YES. [SHEEP BLEATING] EXCUSE THE SHEEP. THEY SEE SO FEW POPES. THEY FIRED YOU OR WHAT? I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT. NO. THEY DIDN'T FIRE ME. MAYBE GOD DID. I CAN PUT YOUR MIND TO REST WITH THAT.
THERE'S NO SUCH PERSON. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE AQUEDUCT? EARTHQUAKE. HALF THE VILLAGE WENT WITH IT. WHY WAS IT NEVER REBUILT? FOR THAT YOU NEED THE MONEY... AND THE WILL. THE MONEY WAS TAKEN BY THE PRIESTS. AND THE WILL BY... BY WHO? DARWIN. HEY! OUCH! I COULD DO WITH YOUR HELP. WHY SHOULD I BREAK MY BACK FOR NOTHING WHEN I CAN TAKE IT EASY AND STILL GET NOTHING? WHY DO YOU SUPPOSE IT WILL COME TO NOTHING? DON'T JUST LAUGH. GIVE ME AN ANSWER. MMM... WELL... I DON'T HAVE AN INTEREST IN YOUR GRAND DESIGNS. WHERE EXACTLY DO YOUR INTERESTS LIE? YOUR PROFESSION DOESN'T ALLOW YOU TO UNDERSTAND. MY PROFESSION? MM-HMM. WHAT IS MY PROFESSION? TELL ME. WHAT PROFESSION?
YOU'RE THE POPE. YES. AND YOU HAVE EXACTLY YOUR IDEA OF WHAT THE POPE IS, BECAUSE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO REALIZE A POPE CAN BE ANYTHING, EVEN A TRAMP WHO COMES TO A DESERTED VILLAGE TO HELP NEGLECTED PEOPLE. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I EXPECT THE POPE TO BE. IN WHATEVER WAY, THE PRACTICE IS THE SAME-- HMM? TO INTERFERE AND TO RULE. MAY I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? COULD I JUST TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? I WAS, UM... LOOKING AT THE AQUEDUCT. I THINK IT COULD BE REBUILT. YOU COULD GET SOME WATER BACK INTO THE HILLS. BETTER THAN TO GO INTO RIGIO TO WORK IN THE DUMP. YES, BUT HOW? THERE'S A LOT OF TIMBER DOWN THERE JUST LYING AROUND. THE TROUGH IS BROKEN. THERE'S ENOUGH WOOD IN THE VILLAGE TO REPAIR THE TROUGH. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? WE CAN FIND A WAY TO TURN THE WHEEL. VERY GOOD IDEA. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. GOOD IDEA. HEY, GET ME OUT OF HERE!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE NET? COME ON. GET OUT. UH-OH. WE BETTER GO. I ALREADY SOLD YOUR STINKING CROSS. IT WASN'T EVEN REAL GOLD. YOU WERE TAKEN FOR A RIDE. I DIDN'T COME ABOUT THE CROSS. YOU DO ANYTHING TO ME, MY MEN WILL KILL YOU LIKE A DOG. IT'S A TERRIFYING PROSPECT. NOT THOSE GUYS. THEY'RE WORTHLESS. SOME OTHER GUYS. YOU TOLD ME ABOUT THE OTHER GUYS. I'LL MAKE A DEAL WITH YOU. IF YOU CALL OFF THE OTHER GUYS, I'LL LET YOU WORK WITH ME FOR ONE WHOLE WEEK. WHAT KIND OF A DEAL IS THAT? IT'S A TERRIBLE DEAL. FOR YOU, I ADMIT, IT'S NOT GOOD. LOOK, YOU HAVE ALL THESE GUYS. I HAVE NOBODY AT ALL. SO I THOUGHT PROBABLY YOU WOULDN'T MIND GIVING ME A HAND. AND THAT THING YOU'RE GOING TO BUILD? DO YOU KNOW THE WHOLE VILLAGE IS LAUGHING AT YOU. IT'S GOING TO BE AN IRRIGATION SYSTEM. YOU GET TO MIX CEMENT, YOU COULD DO SOME DIGGING--
I DON'T DO THAT KIND OF STUFF. BUT I WOULD TEACH YOU. I THINK YOU COULD BE GOOD AT IT. YOU CAN EXECUTE ME RIGHT HERE! I'M NOT GONNA DO NO DIGGING! BUT, GIULIANO, YOU OWE ME A FAVOR. WHAT FAVOR? I DIDN'T TURN YOU IN FOR TAKING THE CROSS. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M GOING TO SHOW UP? I'LL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT. I DIDN'T GIVE YOU MY WORD. I'LL TAKE IT ANYWAY. I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING. YOU CAN KEEP THE CROSS, GIULIANO. I GIVE IT TO YOU WITH PLEASURE. BRING THE PULLEYS. GET ME OUT OF HERE! AND ON THE INTERNATIONAL SCENE, SIX WEEKS PRIOR TO THE POPE'S WIDELY ANTICIPATED EASTER ADDRESS, RUMORS CONTINUE TO CIRCULATE IN ROME CONCERNING THE CONDITION OF POPE LEO XIV. ALTHOUGH THE VATICAN INSISTS HE IS SUFFERING ONLY A MINOR INDISPOSITION, THE POPE'S FAILURE TO APPEAR IN PUBLIC FOR FIVE DAYS HAS GIVEN RISE TO SPECULATION THAT HE IS SERIOUSLY ILL. PRESSURE IS MOUNTING FOR MORE COMPLETE DISCLOSURE BY THE VATICAN MEDICAL STAFF. AH, YOU BROUGHT THE STUFF. WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL. WHERE'S GIULIANO?
HE SENT US. HE SAID TWO WERE BETTER THAN ONE. THAT WASN'T THE AGREEMENT. OK, I'LL GO TELL HIM. AFTER YOU WORK, HUH? HEY, THIS MEAN TROUBLE. [KNOCK ON DOOR] I NEED TO CLEAN. DO YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE? THAT'S ALRIGHT. MAY I COME IN? OH, YES. THANK YOU. I CAN'T DO IT. YES, YOU CAN. THAT BALD GUY THERE. GO ON. I'M NOT GOING TO SCHOOL. I TOLD YOUR MOTHER YOU'RE GOING TO SCHOOL. NO. DON'T MAKE ME GET MAD. I'LL TAKE THAT. COME HERE. COME HERE. DON'T DO IT. GET AWAY. GET AWAY! YOU! YOU'RE GOING TO SCHOOL.
HEY, MY WALLET! STOP, THIEF! HEY! WHERE'S THE WALLET? WHERE'S THE WALLET? THERE WAS NO MONEY IN THE WALLET. STOP IT! LEAVE HIM ALONE! THERE WAS NO MONEY! DON'T LIE! DON'T LIE! THERE'S NO MONEY! STOP HITTING ME! WHERE'S THE MONEY? LEAVE HIM ALONE! LEAVE HIM ALONE! WHERE'S THE WALLET? THERE WAS NO MONEY. AH! YOU'VE CAUSED NOTHING BUT PROBLEMS. NO, PLEASE! LEAVE HIM ALONE! STOP IT! GET UP! GET UP! NO! NO! PLEASE, DON'T! NO MORE! GET OUT.
YOU ALL RIGHT? YES, I THINK SO. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? HOW CAN I POSSIBLY BE ALL RIGHT? HE PUNCHED ME FIVE TIMES, HE KICKED ME SOME TIMES. I'M NOT JOKING. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? LET ME SEE. WELL, IT'S NOT REALLY, UH... WHY DO YOU STAY IN MONTEPETRA? THIS IS MY HOME. DID YOU EVER LIVE ANYWHERE ELSE? YES. WHERE? NAPLES. I WENT THERE AFTER VITTORIO DIED. ISABELLA WAS 3, AND I WAS ALONE. I SAW A NOTICE ABOUT JOBS FOR GIRLS. THIS WAS A CHANCE TO CHANGE MY LIFE, SO I WENT THERE, BUT THERE WERE NO JOBS. HUNDREDS OF GIRLS, BUT NO JOBS. THEY DO THAT TO KEEP THE WAGES DOWN. I SEE. I'M SORRY TO BE BORING YOU WITH THIS. NO, YOU'RE NOT BORING ME. WHAT HAPPENED? NOTHING. I'M SORRY.
I SHOULDN'T PRY. NO, I MEAN, I JUST... I DIDN'T MEAN THAT. IT'S ALL RIGHT. WHAT HAPPENED? WE DIDN'T HAVE MONEY TO EAT OR COME HOME. DID YOU HAVE SOMEWHERE TO LIVE? I FOUND A PLACE, YES. THERE WAS THIS MAN WHO SAID HE HAD A PLACE, BUT... OW! SORRY. WHAT? WELL... THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE. THE AQUEDUCT'S BURNING! OH, LOOK. OH, MY GOD. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? STAY BACK. STAY BACK. CAN WE STOP IT? WHAT HAPPENED? SOME MEN FROM CIOLINO. DID YOU SEE THEM? YES. YOU TRIED TO STOP THEM? WHAT COULD I DO? BESIDES, IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS. IT'S GOING TO BE YOUR BUSINESS
IF YOUR HOUSE BURNS DOWN! WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS? THIS IS CIOLINO'S VILLAGE. HE DOESN'T WANT YOU HERE. I'LL BUILD IT AGAIN. THEY'LL BURN IT AGAIN. I'LL BUILD IT AGAIN. WHEN THEY COME BACK, I'LL BE HERE. I'M SORRY I WOKE YOU. AH, LUCIA. I JUST WANTED TO BE CLOSE TO YOU. OH, LUCIA. LUCIA. I... I WANT-- NO. NO. NO. I HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO YOU THAT I WANT YOU HERE WITH ME. THEN I'LL BE HERE WITH YOU. I WANTED TO BE HERE WITH YOU. BUT FOR A REASON... THAT YOU'LL UNDERSTAND LATER, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. DON'T. IT'S ALL RIGHT. BUT IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I WANT YOU TO BE HERE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN VERY AWKWARD ANYWAY.
MMM, LUCIA. DON'T BE SORRY. I'LL SAY GOOD NIGHT NOW. I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING. MAY GOD BLESS YOU, LUCIA. I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE YOU COULD USE SOME SUPPLIES IF YOU'RE STAYING DOWN AT THE AQUEDUCT. OH. SO I PUT THEM ON TO PREPARE. THAT'S VERY KIND OF YOU. THANK YOU. THAT'S A LOT OF STUFF. I'LL HELP YOU, UNLESS IT WOULD EMBARRASS YOU. WHY SHOULD I FEEL EMBARRASSED? MEN HERE DON'T LIKE TO WORK WITH WOMEN. OH. NO, WELL, FOR ME, IT WOULD BE A PLEASURE. GOOD. GOOD MORNING. WE COME TO WORK WITH YOU. THEY KNOW ALREADY. HEY! TONINO, LOOK WHO'S COMING. HOW YOU DOING? HELLO. I WANT YOU TO MEET BIANCA. HOW DO YOU DO, BIANCA? HELLO.
SO, GIULIANO, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I'VE BEEN GETTING BOYS. IT'S PITIFUL FOR A MAN WORKING WITH LITTLE GIRLS. YOU WANT EVERYBODY LAUGHING? THEY'RE ALREADY LAUGHING. YOU HAD ENOUGH LAUGHING. IT DOESN'T MATTER. WHERE DID YOU GET THESE BOYS? I GOT FRANCO HIS FIRST WOMAN, I GOT FABIO OUT OF TROUBLE, AND I BEAT UP A GUY FOR STEFAN. I'M BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND. HOW ARE THESE GUYS DOING? THEY'RE FINE. THEY'RE WORKING VERY HARD. ANY TROUBLE, YOU LET ME KNOW. THANK YOU, GIULIANO, FOR EVERYTHING YOU'RE DOING. THAT'S OK. HOLD THIS FOR A MOMENT, PLEASE. OH, SURE, YEAH. WHY DON'T YOU GET YOURSELF A CUP OF COFFEE? WE HAVE SOME BUSINESS TO TALK ABOUT. OK. VERY GOOD. ALL RIGHT, GIULIANO, NOW, SEE WHAT WE'RE DOING? WE'RE PUTTING UP THESE POSTS BECAUSE WE HAVE TO RECONSTRUCT THIS.
[RING] [RING] HELLO. HELLO, STEFANO. YOUR HOLINESS. YOUR HOLINESS, ARE YOU ON YOUR WAY BACK? NO, NO, NOT YET. CALLED TO TELL YOU THAT I COULD BE HERE FOR SOME TIME. LONGER THAN TWO WEEKS? STEFANO, LISTEN CAREFULLY. I'M HELPING THE VILLAGE TO REBUILD THE IRRIGATION SYSTEM. YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THAT? NO, STEFAN, I DON'T, BUT I'M LEARNING. WE CAN SEND EVERYTHING THEY NEED. ENGINEERS, MATERIALS, WE CAN BUILD IT FOR THEM. THESE ARE DEFEATED PEOPLE. IT WOULD SOON FALL INTO DISUSE. THEY HAVE TO DO IT THEMSELVES. BUT THIS COULD TAKE MONTHS. WELL, ANYWAY, STEFANO, IT MAY BE SOME TIME YET. HOLINESS, THE CARDINALS ARE RESTLESS, AND THE PRESS IS TRYING TO BRIBE THE STAFF FOR INFORMATION. STEFANO, I WILL BE BACK... SOMETIME. GOOD-BYE. GOOD-BYE, HOLINESS.
SO WHY DO YOU WORK FOR THIS GUY? I LOST A BET WITH HIM. HE'S NOT EVEN FROM HERE. WHY BE HONEST WITH HIM? I'M AN HONORABLE MAN. DON'T GET WISE WITH ME, YOU LITTLE SHIT. YOU WERE NOTHING WHEN I FOUND YOU. YOU GO ON WORKING FOR HIM, I'M GOING TO CUT YOU OFF. YOU UNDERSTAND? NO MORE PRETTY GIRLS OR FANCY SUITS. WORK FOR SLAVE LABOR. SEE WHAT YOU GET. AT LEAST I WORK. YOU'RE GOING TO STARVE TO DEATH, YOU BASTARD. WHO'S THERE? IS THE BOMBARDMENT OVER? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I JUST CAME TO SAY HELLO. SO... HELLO. COME IN. SIT DOWN. THANK YOU. [COUGHS] [COUGHS] WHERE DID YOU GET THE FIREWORKS? I BOUGHT THEM. DID I SAY YOU DIDN'T? I HAVE ALL DIFFERENT KINDS.
MANDARIN DUCKS, BANTAM PHANTOMS. BANTAM PHANTOMS. YEAH. COME FESTIVAL TIME, I SELL THEM TO ALL THE TOWNS. BUT THAT'S NOTHING. HOW'S THIS? WONDERFUL. I'M THE ONLY ONE IN MONTEPETRA WITH A TV. AH, YOU HAVE ELECTRICITY HERE. NOPE. IT MUST BE RATHER DIFFICULT TO WATCH. YEAH, SOMETIMES. SOMETIMES. IT'S A CONFESSIONAL FROM THE CHURCH? YEAH. WHO IS THE MAN IN THE PICTURE? SOMEBODY. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER? SOMETHING. I DON'T KNOW. I DIDN'T EVER KNOW MY MOTHER AND FATHER. I WAS BROUGHT UP IN AN ORPHANAGE, YOU KNOW. THE NUNS FOUND ME AND TOOK ME IN. THEY SAID THE BIGGEST MISTAKE THEY EVER MADE WAS TO TAKE ME IN. I WAS IN ONE OF THOSE PLACES, TOO. MY FATHER COULDN'T TAKE CARE OF ME. HE WAS ALWAYS TRAVELING.
SO HE DROPPED ME OFF THERE. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR MOTHER? SHE DIED WHEN I WAS BORN. AH. SOME OF US, YOU KNOW, ARE SLEEPING OUT BY THE WATER WHEEL, AND WE COULD DO WITH SOME NEW CONVERSATION OUT THERE. WHY DON'T YOU COME AND STAY THERE FOR A FEW NIGHTS? YEAH, MAYBE. WHATEVER YOU THINK. SEE HOW WELL YOUR BOYS ARE DOING? WHEN THEY DO SOMETHING, THEY DO IT GOOD. LET ME PAST. LOOK. LOOK, LOOK. GIULIANO. HEY, GUYS, LOOK WHO'S HERE. DID YOU BRING YOUR MATCHES? DO YOU THINK IT WILL WORK? I KNOW IT'S GONNA WORK. GOOD. JUST PULL IT DOWN TIGHT. OKAY? ALRIGHT. BACK UP A LITTLE FURTHER. ALL RIGHT. DON'T WORRY, DON'T WORRY.
ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS? YEAH. BRING IT DOWN. CIOLINO. CIOLINO. SHUT UP, STUPID. YOU'LL WAKE THEM. THEY'RE HERE! THEY TRIPPED THE WIRE! EVERYBODY UP. COME ON. AH HA! GET OUT! I REPEAT, HIS CONDITION IS NOT SERIOUS. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO CAUSE FOR ALARM. I'LL CONTINUE TO MAKE HIS HOLINESS' ANNOUNCEMENTS UNTIL SUCH TIME AS HE'S RECOVERED FROM HIS INFLUENZA. THANK YOU. WHEN WILL THAT BE? I CAN'T SAY. FIRST HE WAS INDISPOSED, THEN HE HAD A COLD. NOW IT'S INFLUENZA. AS I SAID, HIS HOLINESS IS RESTRICTED TO BED. THANK YOU. IS IT TRUE THAT HEART SPECIALISTS ARE BEING FLOWN IN? HEY, EVERYBODY!
THEY TOOK DOWN THE ROADBLOCK! THEY TOOK DOWN THE ROADBLOCK! NO MORE FREE FOOD! IT'S OVER. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THEY TOOK DOWN THE ROADBLOCK. SOMEBODY TALKED. WHAT DO YOU WANT? YOU STAY OUT OF THIS. YOU'VE CAUSED ENOUGH PROBLEMS ALREADY. ALL OF YOU, GET DOWN! WHY SHOULD THEY GET DOWN? BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO BURN IT. NO, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BURN SOMETHING WHICH CAN BE OF BENEFIT TO THESE PEOPLE, AND HAVE THEM GO BACK TO A GARBAGE DUMP. TELL THE WOMEN TO GET DOWN. COME ON, GET DOWN! [YELLING IN ITALIAN] THEY ARE NOT GOING TO COME DOWN. ARE YOU GOING TO STOP US? YES. YAY! GET BACK! COME ON! BACK! YAY! YAY! HEY! DON'T!
GIULIANO! NO, DON'T DO IT! COME BACK HERE! AAH! GIULIANO! OH, MY GOD! GET HELP! I KNOW... I KNOW THAT I SHOULD PRAY FOR THE WHOLE WORLD. BUT I NEVER HAD TO FACE BEFORE THE DEATH OF SOMEONE THAT I LOVED. IT IS VERY HARD. IT'S VERY HARD. WHAT ABOUT STEFAN VII? HE ORDERED THE BODY OF HIS PREDECESSOR FORMOSUS TO BE EXHUMED, CLAD IN PAPAL ROBES, AND PUT ON TRIAL. THEY FOUND HIM GUILTY. IN HISTORY, THERE'S ALWAYS SOMEONE WHO GOT THERE FIRST. WHATEVER ONE DOES, IT'S SELDOM THE WORST OF ITS KIND. THE POINT I'M TRYING TO MAKE IS, COMPARED WITH THESE OTHER PEOPLE, OUR POPE LEO IS A VERY SANE MAN. I THINK HE'LL COME BACK. PERHAPS, BUT I HAVE THINGS TO DO. SEE YOU LATER, COLIN. GHEZZI. HUH?
YOU FORGOT TO KNEEL. [KNOCK ON DOOR] SECRETARY OF STATE CARDINAL MORANTE. PLEASE OPEN. REST WELL, HOLINESS. I'LL SEE TO IT YOU WON'T BE DISTURBED. WE MUST SEE HIS HOLINESS. HE CANNOT BE DISTURBED. THIS THING CANNOT WAIT. BUT HE'S JUST FALLEN ASLEEP. WELL, WHEN HE WAKE UP, CALL US. WHEN DO YOU THINK IT WILL BE? IT COULD BE QUITE A WHILE. HELLO. WONDERFUL VIEW. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? EXAMINING YOUR TERRIBLE WORKMANSHIP. I MISSED YOU. HA! YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU BUILD THIS WATER TRESTLE AND WONDERING IF YOU EVER CONSIDERED HOW YOU WERE GOING TO TURN THE WATER WHEEL? YES, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I HAVE. I HAVE CONSIDERED THAT, YES. BUT, YOU KNOW, I HAVE FAITH SOMETHING WILL TURN UP. LEONARDO DA VINCI WAS CONDEMNED BY THE CHURCH,
WASN'T HE? YES. HMM. WELL, HE'S THE ONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO TURN YOUR WATER WHEEL. OH, I THREW AWAY MY SPECS. AH! IT'S WONDERFUL. UH-HUH. IT'S WONDERFUL. WHO ARE YOU, ABALARDI? I WAS FIRED. FROM THE CHURCH? BY GOD. YOU'RE A PRIEST. YES. WERE YOU FIRED, OR DID YOU RESIGN? WHY? I FELT BETRAYED BY GOD. AND I SAW YOU APPROACH THE SAME HELL, BUT YOU DIDN'T FALL IN. OF COURSE, YOU ARE THE POPE. FOR POPES, THE FLAMES ARE HOTTER. THANK YOU. ALL OF THIS IS BECAUSE YOU CAME TO SEE ME. I LOVE YOU. THE MOMENT HAS ARRIVED. THERE'S STILL A LOT TO DO. HMM? MM-HMM.
YOU'LL DO IT. HUH? YES. YEAH. [BELLS RINGING] ♪ OH OH OH OH OH OH ♪ ♪ OH OH OH OH OH ♪ ♪ OH OH OH OH OH ♪ ♪ ALLELUIA ♪ ♪ ALLELUIA ♪ ♪ ALLELUIA, ALLELU... ♪♪ WE'VE HAD QUITE ENOUGH, MONSIGNOR GHEZZI. WE DEMAND TO SEE HIS HOLINESS, IF HE'S IN HERE. YES, BUT WAIT. I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD BE IN THERE. AS THE SENIOR MEMBER OF THE STAFF, I ORDER YOU TO STAND ASIDE. CARDINAL MORANTE, HOW ARE YOU? I'M SORRY, YOUR HOLINESS. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE HERE. WHERE ELSE WOULD I BE? HOW ARE YOU? THANK YOU, I AM MUCH BETTER. VERY SORRY. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE OR... NO, NO, THANK YOU. BUT THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
THANK YOU FOR CALLING IN. THANK YOU. VIVA IL PAPA! VIVA IL PAPA! VIVA IL PAPA! VIVA IL PAPA! VIVA IL PAPA! VIVA IL PAPA! CHILDREN OF GOD, I WELCOME YOU HERE ON THIS BEAUTIFUL EASTER SUNDAY. I'M MORE HAPPY THAN I CAN EXPRESS THAT I CAN SPEND IT WITH YOU. I MUST THANK ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE WRITTEN LETTERS OF SYMPATHY AND SUPPORT DURING MY ILLNESS, BUT WE ARE NONE OF US SUPPOSED TO TELL LIES, ESPECIALLY THOSE OF US WHO WEAR THIS HAT. SO I MUST ASK YOUR FORGIVENESS AND TELL YOU THAT I WAS NOT CONFINED TO BED WITH INFLUENZA AS WAS GENERALLY SUPPOSED. INSTEAD, I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EXTRAORDINARY ADVENTURE. I TELL YOU THIS BECAUSE IT'S A GOOD STORY. THERE WAS ONCE A MAN KNOWN TO YOU AS POPE LEO XIV. LIKE A KING
WHO LIVED IN A LARGE CASTLE WITH THICK WALLS, HE BECAME INCREASINGLY DEPRESSED AND ALONE, UNABLE TO SEE OR KNOW THE PEOPLE WHO LOOKED TO HIM FOR GUIDANCE. Mother? ! Mother! Mommy? Mommy? Mother? Christine? Didn't you hear me knocking? Hello, christine. Hello, mother. It's been a long time. Six years. Yeah. You're all wet. Oh, I'm sorry. I suppose you had to work overtime at the bank. No. No. I would have been here on time Except for this storm hit. And, oh, I could hardly see for the last 40 miles. It's pretty awful. I made some cookies for you. Brewed tea. Oh, it's cold.

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